kahnechick85 (Signed) on Dec 05, 2008 03:11 am (Chapter 23)

ohh, something tells me that theirs about to be trouble in paradise. I can't wait to see what's gonna happen next. PMS




Anonymous (Anonymous) on Sep 24, 2008 03:29 pm (Chapter 22)
Poor Joey and Fantasia. I can't wait to see what they're gonna do to JC. I love this so much and I'm so glad to see you update this. I can't wait to see what's gonna happen next. PMS



kahnechick85 (Signed) on Sep 10, 2008 10:44 pm (Chapter 21)
I feel bad for Justin, he made an honest mistake and everyone blew it out of the water. Fantasia needs to apologize to him for hitting him. I'm glad that they caught Joan before that stuff on that questionare got out. I love this, PMS



Jordan (Signed) on Jun 09, 2008 06:37 pm (Chapter 20)

Hey!

I know it's taken me forever to catch myself up on the story. Things have been insanely busy, and I for some reason decided to take summer classes.

I will say that I do think your writing does improve a lot as the story progresses. I particularly liked the part where Fantasia painted Chris's fingernails. That was cute :)

For me personally, I don't like fanfiction being brought up within fanfiction so I wasn't too into Joey reading the vizzys, but it's an interesting idea. I also kind of want more drama, more at stake. They all seem to be pretty happy. I want to see something stir things up a little.

 



Author's Response:

Ok, first of all I'm sorry it took me SOOOOOOOOOO long to respond to this. I've had a lot going on this summer and needed to take a break from writing. Plus my best friend got me addicted to Webkinz. :P In fact I'd be there right now, but their site is down. :(

As for my story, thank you for taking the time to read it. I do plan to add more drama... a LOT more. I don't plan on putting much more about fan fics in it. I hope to get back to writing soon.

If you're still willing to help me edit this, let me know.




kahnechick85 (Signed) on Apr 14, 2008 12:03 am (Chapter 20)
I wonder what's going on with Justin, Jamie, and Lance. I love this, PMS.

Author's Response:

Hi! It's good to hear from you again. I was getting a little worried that you had gotten board and quit reading. Justin and Jamie will be explained in the next chapter. But it will be a while before I get to Lance. The next three days in the timeline are going to be so jam packed that it will take about 6-8 chapters to cover it all! Things are going to get VERY interesting. Keep letting me know what you think.




Jordan (Signed) on Apr 09, 2008 03:43 pm (Chapter 2)

I've only read the first couple chapters so far (I've been busy with end of school and whatnot), but I do think you've got some things going for you. First of all, you're writing group fiction, which is such a rarity these days. Second, I think the idea you've got is workable. I'm always into reading het stories that are well conceived and well developed.

However, I don't think you're quite there with the "developed" part. You've been working on this for 6 years, but I'm curious what exactly that means. Have you been working with the idea for 6 years (ie, rewriting, reworking) or did you write the first chapter 6 years ago? I'd really like to know as the story progresses if your writing is changing over a 6 year period or if you've written all this recently. Thus far, Fantasia is coming off a bit Mary Sue and she doesn't seem to have a lot of depth just yet. Her arrival into the story and their acceptance of her seems a bit rushed as well.

Also, as another reviewer mentioned, the formatting is really distracting. It's seriously something you need to look into correcting because it turns readers away. It's really easy to fix and will do you a world of good. If you need help, please let me know.

I think you've got potential, and the idea has got potential, but I also think it needs a lot of work. If you see my comments as pompous and egotisical, I completely understand and you're perfectly in your rights to delete my review and forget all about me. But I would love to help you improve this story, and I'd be willing to help you if you'd be willing to put in the work. You can email me (bubblepop425@hotmail.com) if you're interested or respond to the review.

As I said, I can see how I might come off as rude or self absorbed and I get that. If you don't appreciate my comments, please just delete them and leave it at that.



Author's Response:

Yeah, I know I need an editor. I don't really intend on becomeing a professional writer. This is just a hobby. A little fantasy world I create to help me forget my problems.

Fantasia's character will deepen a LOT once you get to the part where her secret comes out.

I started writing the story over six years ago. I know the begining is a little rough, but it gets better. I promise! I did edit the begining a little before posting it on here. It's still a work in progess. Some things may not seem to fit right now, but they will all tie together in the end.

Also, I know my formatting isn't typical. But what you and the other reviewer are talking about, that formatting tends to confuse me. When I read it I have to go back and read some parts several times so they make sense. My brain just works differently than most people.

Let me know when your caught up on reading.




kahnechick85 (Signed) on Feb 24, 2008 10:58 pm (Chapter 17)
LOL. The guys all sitting around reading fic about themselves. I can't wait to see what's gonna happen next. I love this, PMS.



kahnechick85 (Signed) on Feb 16, 2008 02:05 am (Chapter 16)
That was hott. I loved it. they are so cute together. I can't wait to see what's gonna happen next. PMS.

Author's Response: Thanks! When are you going to post the next chapter to your story? I kinda like it. You've got a good start.



kahnechick85 (Signed) on Feb 06, 2008 10:41 pm (Chapter 15)
LOL That was great. I can't wait to see what's gonna happen next. I love the pranks. PMS



kahnechick85 (Signed) on Jan 22, 2008 11:26 am (Chapter 13)
Aww that was cute. I can't wait to see what's gonna happen next. PMS.



kahnechick85 (Signed) on Jan 18, 2008 11:57 pm (Chapter 12)
lol I loved it. I can't wait to see what's gonna happen next. PMS.



kahnechick85 (Signed) on Jan 16, 2008 12:52 pm (Chapter 11)
I can't wait to see what's gonna happen next. I hope that the guys don't treat her different, but I can't wait to see for sure. I love this, PMS.



kahnechick85 (Signed) on Jan 13, 2008 09:53 pm (Chapter 10)
I think that she needs to tell the guys the truth, this way things like this won't happen anymore. I love this, PMS.

Author's Response: Thanks for the input! I've already started on the next chapter. I'll get it up as soon as I can.



kahnechick85 (Signed) on Jan 11, 2008 02:41 am (Chapter 9)
LOL I like this so far. It's awesome. Joey is so cute. I can't wait to see what's gonna happen next. PMS.

Author's Response: Thank you! You're gonna love the next chapter. I'll try to get it up soon.



fallenangel7575 (Signed) on Dec 30, 2007 09:21 pm (Chapter 1)

hi i like the concept of your story, but i can't help but make some constructive critcisms to get more people reading your story :]

well first, don't write in huge paragraphs, a lot of people here are big into the whole grammatically correct thing, and hate seeing all this dialogue in one piece.  Plus, it makes it easier to see who is talking during dialogue.Your intro should be written something like this:

"He did WHAT!?!" Chris shrieked.  It was two weeks before *Nsync’s POP ODESSEY tour was to start and their masseur and physical therapist, Dale, had just quit.

 "How are we going to find somebody on such short notice?" Lance asked.

 "And who’s going to fix my back?" Justin whined.

"We’re working on that right now." their manager, Johnney, said trying to calm the guys down.

 "Besides, you guys have rehearsal." their choreographer, Wade, interrupted.

The guys followed Wade to the rehearsal hall and Johnney went back to work. Twelve hours later the five exhausted guys drug themselves out of the rehearsal hall. They were all ready to go home, but Johnney stopped them.

"Great news guys! We found you a new physical therapist. And even better, she starts first thing in the morning." "

She?" Joey asked with a grin.

"Yes, Joey. It’s a she, but don’t get any ideas. I don’t want you hitting on her as soon as you meet her. Understand?" Johnney replied.

"Ok." Joey replied glumly.

 

You get my drift, if not, feel free to check out one of my stories or to ask me more questions :]



Author's Response: Thanks for the input! I'll try to do that if I can find the time. Right now I'm trying to finish up chapter 8. Please keep in mind I'm very slow at typing and i'm still learning how this website works. :\





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