Staring out depressed about the words I have to plead
So torn apart
Shattered by impressions of confessions in defeat
My broken heart

Tiny pebbles were crunching and sticking to the bottom of his shoes as he headed up her walkway. He had tracked them into his car hundreds and hundreds of times. There was even a point where he'd been obsessed with the idea of coming up with a million dollar invention to keep that from happening ever again. But this time was different. This time the pebbles were the last thing on his mind, except for the fact that this was the last time they'd be sticking to the grooves in his shoes. The last time he'd track them back to his car. JC Chasez was a man on a mission, and a bad one at that, a heartbreaking one. One he wished more than anything he could avoid, but it had to be done.

Josie had been the most important person in his life for a long time. His number one support system. But he and Josie were still growing up, and unfortunately growing apart. Two people who had once been expected to get married, were now virtual strangers. That wasn't the relationship JC had envisioned for himself, or Josie. He wanted the everlasting love and attention. The constant affection and never ending lust. So yes, breaking up with Josie was the right thing to do, right? He could move on and she could move up. But so far it was proving to be a lot easier said than done, not that it was even easy to say. He'd already almost changed his mind once when he called her on the phone to say he was coming over. She sounded so happy and cheerful. It sucked knowing she wouldn't sound anything like that once she found out what he had to say. But like he said, she was an amazing woman who had been through hell both with and for him. She deserved to hear this straight from his mouth, not through a phone line or read in some email.

When he finally did reach her door, it opened for him and he was met with her shinning face. Big eyes, bright smile, all of it about to fade in a few minutes. He decided for the fourth time that day, 'I suck.'

Crying desperate
Fighting questions
Scared to let go
We used to be so beautiful
But the days go by and things get better
I'm weary from the war
I'm losing half my soul
But the days go by and....

"Hey Honey," she smiled.

He really wanted to wish she wouldn't call him that right now. She's expecting him to reply with a 'Hi Dear,' reconfirming their gag-inducing love of pet names for eachother. He doesn't though, and her smile falters for a moment.

"I heard you pull up. I was upstairs."

JC nodded grimly and this time her smile really does fade. He looked like his dog just got it by a car.

"Honey, are you all right?"

He merely nodded again, "Yeah. Can we go sit down?"

Josie spun on her heel and lead him farther into her house, a place he knew like the back of his hand, and into her family room; muting the TV once they enter.

"You want something Honey? Soda? Sandwich? Pixiestick?"

She expects him to laugh at the inside joke. He doesn't.

"No," he says, "this is hard enough without dragging it out any longer."

Josie's eyes momentarily knit together with confusion. JC pulled the knit cap from his head and ran a hand through his curls. Josie stepped forward, running her fingers through it as well saying, "Thank God you didn't straighten it today. I hate when you do that."

JC's eyes slid closed for a second. He's going to miss that touch. When he opens them again he involuntarily lets out a sigh. She knows his noises, she knows him. Josie sits down on the sofa expectantly.

"So, you wanted to talk to me?"

Past the point of reasons
I just want you to believe that it's not your fault
Cry your eyes to sleep
Feels like a thousand rainy nights
Oh drowning loss
Photographs
The ghost of what we had come undone
Where did it all go wrong?
The days go by and things get better

JC stood there infront of her, playing with the hat in his hands, tossing it back and forth and twisting it around. He's trying to force the words out, they're burning holes in his throat. Finally he takes a deep breath and it takes every ounce of strength he has to mutter them.

"This isn't working."

Her eyes scrunch together and she sort of smirks, her confusion evident.

"What's not?"

JC's eyes glance away nervously.

"This. Us."

Her expressions fades and her lips part. Realization of the situation is setting in. The expression is enough to break his heart. But it's already broken, it broke the moment he decided this. Confusion is written across her features again and she looks everywhere but at him.

"I don't understand."

He's back to twisting his hat again. He doesn't really understand either.

"I don't think it's been working for a while now."

Her face is as blank as a new Word document and slowly he can begin to see the tears gather in her eyes. He didn't want to hurt her and he had never in his life wanted to be the reason she was crying.

You harden like a stone
To face the world alone
But the days go by and things get better

JC moved to take a seat next to her on the sofa. Her hands are trembling in her lap as it all sinks in. His fingers reach for hers, wanting to offer some comfort. She studies their intertwined fingers before speaking.

"What did I do?"

"Nothing."

"I'm a big girl, I can handle it. What did I do?"

"You didn't do anything."

"Don't give me that same bullshit line."

Her eyes were suddenly blazing and he thought carefully before speaking again. The last thing he wanted was for this to end in a fight.

"It's not a line."

"Like hell it isn't."

He sighed and ran another hand through his hair, "Josie, think about it. Can you honestly say you didn't see this coming?"

"Huh?"

"You and I haven't been getting along for a while now."

"What are you talking about? We get along great."

"Not like we should be."

Her eyes ran over his face, "You're talking about the fights right? JC, everyone has arguments, that's normal."

"We argue a lot more than we used to."

"Well, every couple has a rough patch, we'll get better."

He sucked his bottomlip into his mouth and sadly lowered his eyes before shaking his head.

"JC, you've got to be joking. Don't do this to me."

His hand slipped from hers.

"It's not fair." She says, "Where is this coming from? I talked to you last night, things were fine."

Josie stood from the sofa and walked around the coffee table to stand infront of him. Her hands were glued to her hips and her eyes were glaring down at him.

"Dear, listen to me for a minute."

"Oh, do not call me Dear. I am not your darling, I'm not your sweetie, and I'm certainly not in the mood to be your Dear right now."

"Yes, Dear."

"You're not funny."

JC sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, and got back to the point, all dark humor forgotten. This was exactly what he was talking about.

Exhausted of apologies
In search of something comforting
But the days go by and things get better
Brought out the best and worst in me
You gave your own unselfishly
But the days go by and....

"We fight alot."

"Everyone fights."

"We hardly see eachother."

"I'll take more vacations."

"We were better off as friends."

"JC!"

"We were. Look at us Josie. This isn't how two people in love should be."

She shakes her head at him as her frustration builds.

"Can you listen to me, and believe me, when I say this is what we need?" he asked.

"No. No, I can't listen to you because I don't think you have any idea what your talking about. What-JC what happened? Why are you doing this?"

"We need this."

Her eyes rolled as she blew him off, turning her back to him, "Why? What is so not fixable? Tell me what I did."

Leaving his cap on the couch, JC stood and moved to stand behind her, his hands hesitantly raising to settle on her shoulders.

"Josie I--This is hard for me to say. Believe me, it hurts me too. But you and I-There's no passion here."

She turned again, her eyes still shooting daggers at him as she took a step back, "What are you talking about? There's plenty of passion here. People gag at our passion levels. "

He shook his head again.

"Don't shake your head at me," she reached up to gently grab his chin, "JC, I love you--."

"And I love you too. But I'm not in love with you, and you're not in love with me."

Those were two very real, and very different things. He removed her hand from his face, and held it tightly in his own.

"Josie, you're with me because you've been with me."

"I--."

"We're together because we're used to being together, not because we should be together."

He could tell what she was going to say before she even said it. She was going to tell him he was crazy.

Oh I could never replace
All the tenderist moments
They will always live right here inside me
My love will forever hold a place for you
That's why I'm so confused

"Josie, that's why we fight so much, that's why we don't make time for eachother, that's why when we're... intimate... it's not the same.

Her eyes slid closed as the tears started to fall.

"JC please."

"This isn't right. You deserve better than me."

"I don't want better than you."

"Yes, you do."

"How the hell do you know? And don't tell me what I want."

JC nodded, still sure of his statement.

"You do, and I want that for you."

Her hands moved to cover her face, and she took a few deep breaths before spreading her fingers to peer out at him.

"So you don't think this was real? This was all just a lie?"

He could only offer a shrug, "It started out real, and I don't know where it all went wrong. It just did. Somewhere everything changed."

"Is that what this is about? You think I've changed?"

His eyes rolled, "It's not you. Can we stop trying to point blame and figure out why? It's no ones fault. Things like this just happen."

"Things like this? You make it sound like you spilt beer on my carpet. We're talking about our relationship, our lives JC. I love you. I love you so much. I can't believe you're saying these things to me. We've been through so much crap together and you wanna throw in the towel now?"

"I know--."

"We've been there for eachother for so long--."

"Too long. We've been together so long that we ignored what we felt for what we thought was logical. It was logical for us to be in love. It was logical for us to stick it out."

"We're not the kind of people to just drop out when things get a little spicy."

"This isn't a little spicy. This is just plain living in an alternate universe. You'll thank me one day."

"No, I won't. I'll think you've lost every marble you had up there and I'll think you're throwing away the best thing that ever happened to you and I'll think you'll come crawling back. All right after I never speak to you again."

"That hurts Josie. Don't end things like that," his eyes were pleading with her.

"Why not? You walk in here and break my heart. I break yours."

Suppressing a frustrated yell, his eyes wandered over to her mantel. It was littered with their pictures. Them at a party. Them in Europe. Their one-year anniversary. Their two year anniversary. Their three-year anniversary, so on and so forth. Years and years of captured memories, picture perfect examples of exactly who they weren't.

Girl, we used to be so beautiful
But the days go by and things get better
I'm losing half my soul
To face the world alone
But the days go by and things get better

"You honestly gave it everything you had Josie, and there's nothing you can do. Hating me won't help, but if that's what you need then go ahead. It kills me to see you cry and I am praying for the strength to keep from breaking down myself."

He stepped forward and ran a hand through her hair, silky soft freesia scented strands. His hand gripped her cheek and he raised her head to look at him. Sad eyes met hurt eyes. Then she really did break down, because she understood. A very very small part of her that she kept telling to 'shut up' understood what he was saying and did see this coming. She just didn't know who she was if she wasn't with him. He was right, they had done this too long. He moved closer, his arms wrapping around her comfortingly, protectively.

"It scares me to death to not be with you Josie. But I'm sick of hearing you say you're sorry and I'm tired of saying it. And it hurts like hell, but one day we'll wake up and realize that we're fine. The next time I see you, you probably won't even remember my name. You'll be with some hotshot somebody, making him the luckiest man in the world and getting on his nerves just because you like too."

Josie pulled back to look at him, her eyes red and glossy. She sniffed adorably and opened her mouth to speak. JC put a finger to her lips.

"Please don't make this harder than it already is, Dear."

Her eyes lowered and he watched her try to hold back the tears as she sniffed again. He ran a finger down her cheek again as he leaned forward to kiss her forehead.

"You know I love you, Josie. Always will."

She felt the warmth from his body drift off as he pulled away. When she opened her eyes again he was by the sofa, picking up his hat.

We're not the type to just give up
But I know that it's what's best for us
The days go by and things get better
We'll pass some crossing roads
Surviving on our own
But the days go by and....

He smoothed out his hair and pulled it back on. He didn't so much as glance her way and he headed for the hall that would take him to the front door. but he stopped short at the doorway that marked the end of the room and turned back to her.

"If there's ever a moment where you need me, don't hesitate to call. And don't ever think for a second that I won't be there for you."

Josie inhaled a shaky breathe. What if she needed him now? Their eyes met and they stared deeply into one another. His were pleading for her to forgive him, and to understand. Hers were pleading for him to hold her again, to stay. Finally his gaze moved down to his hands. He didn't have his hat to play with anymore.

"Good-bye Dear," he whispered.

Josie sobbed quietly as she heard the door open, and she was so sure he'd see the error of his ways and come back whispering apologies for almost making the biggest mistake ever. But when it clicked closed and he didn't appear infront of her, she fell to her knees.

JC knew it wasn't possible, but he swore his heart could hear her crying from inside. As he reached his car, her tears were the only thing on his mind. Long forgotten were the pebbles that weren't crunching below his feet. This was the first time he hadn't tracked them back to his car.