MTV Diary: McKayla Malone-Timberlake (A Girl's Confessions)

"So you wanna know what I've been up to, huh? Well, I wanna know what you've been up too. But they've got the camera pointed at me so...." McKayla let out a little bit of a giggle as she glanced down at the floor.

Her camera was zoomed in on her, only revealing her face and her long hair cascading down in soft waves.

"So come join me for all the laughter, fun, tender moments, and down right 'hrmmm' moments that I've had this summer. I worked hard, played hard, and took some special time with the people I love. It will end with me joining my love at the VMA's for the kick-off to his long-awaited tour, but until then you'll see me proving he's not the only star in the family. Check it out! You think you know, but you have no idea. This is the diary of McKayla Malone-Timberlake."

 

Justin and McKayla stand next to the island in the kitchen of their LA home. Shannon, Erica, Johnny, Joey, and various other friends are gathered around them at their last party before their busy summer schedules begin. Justin is grinning as others laugh, and a slightly embarassed McKayla is hugging herself to his side, shielding her face from the camera.

"She was looking right at me when I asked her too. Then she looked at me like," Justin demonstrates a blank expression, and the guests begin laughing all over again. "Wait, what?"

"Shut up!" McKayl emerges from her hiding place to punch his arm with a smile. "It's wasn't my fault okay. I could feel my brain suddenly turning off and I was going, 'No! Wait! Can I have the answer first?' in my head."

Justin is laughing next to her, and he puts an arm around her shoulders.

"It's okay Jessica Simpson. I still love you anyway."

"Yeah, I definately made her proud just then."

 

June 9, 2004

"This summer is going to be really uh... interesting." She smiles brightly as a low chuckle escpaes her mouth.

"With all the media surrounding the personal problems we've been having, and getting seperated, and all of that stuff, things have definately gotten busy. Usually we can work it out so we're scheduled together but, our careers are just on different levels and we do different things and have different audiences. It's not really realistic for us to be doing 99% of our appearances together. So it's been rough but at the same time it's been interesting and I'm definately proud of the things we've accomplished personally and professional this year."

An annoyed McKayla is sitting on the bed, starring out the hotelroom windows which overlooked the ocean shore. Her hair is messing and her clothes a rumpled. It's further made obvious that she had only recently woken up by the deeper raspy tone in her voice. She is holding a white cellphone to her ear, her bangs falling into her eyes as she narrows them with a groan.

"Justin did you do this on purpose?" She asking into the reciever.

Justin Timberlake was supposed to be coming into town this morning to accompany her on a trip to England for a few days. At four hours after the time when he's supposed to arrive, McKayla's beginning to realize that he has no plans on coming.

"Well how am I supposed to know? Remember that time you skipped that flight to London because there was some dumb game on TV?.... No I'm not comparing your spending time with me to basketball." Her eyes rolled dramatically.

"Look, are you going to be able to come or not? They're booking my flight and I need to know how many tickets.... Don't get that tone with me all right, I'm not the one who screwed up, it's not my fault you forgot." Her eyes narrow into the look of death before she pulls the phone from her ear.

"Fine." She presses the 'end' button on the phone and walks away, slamming the bathroom door behind herself.

"We're kinda going through this stage where we're just figuring out how things are going to work. He's rehearsing in Hollywood, my schedule says I'm supposed to be in Japan, so there's time where I say, 'When are we going to see eachother again? I have a what at home? A husband? What's that? Love? Huh? I don't know what that is.' There's some points where I kinda feel like this relationship is in my head.

I feel like the only one who knows it's real is me.

Everyone else is just going along with it cause they think I'm crazy and don't wanna get me mad." She leans back with a smile before licking her lips.

"We're just trying to figure out how the whole couples thing is supposed to work. I have admit it was easier before." Her eyes widen as the crew members laugh at her and she rushes to explain her thought.

"Cause the only one I had to worry about was myself! Wow, that sounds selfish. That's horrible." She gets the humor too, and bends down out of the view of the camera, holding her stomach in a fit of laughter.

McKayla is walking down a busy street, wearing dark sunglasses, jeans, a yellow shirt, and red high heels. Her assistant, Shannon, and security guard Eric are following closely behind her. The three are wearing bright smiles of amusement and McKayla turns to look over her shoulder at them, barely skipping a step in her purposeful stride.

"What?"

"Justin isn't going to like this," Shannon tells she, shaking her head.

"What Justin doesn't know won't hurt him," McKayla flips her bangs out of her eyes.

"Oh, he'll know," Eric replies.

"Oh my gosh, are you threatening to call him? He's my husband, not my Dad." McKayla stops and turns to him, pointing a finger, "But if you mutter a word I'll kill you."

Eric holds up his hands in defense and resumes following McKayla as she steps over to the door of the tattoo parlor and pulls it open.

"I meant he's not going to miss you suddenly having a giant tattoo of a mermaid on your back."

"Being married definately changes your opinion on the world. It's hard because you've got this other person that like, your connected too. The things you do and say reflect on them just as much as it reflects on you, so now it's not about, 'Oh it's my reputation, I don't care'. You've got someone else's good name attached to yours and you don't wanna screw it up. Someone else is half of you and you have to be considerate. You have to be willing to work things out and compromise. But at the same time it's really cool because, you have your other half with you, so things don't seem as miserable as they did before. It's helped my confidence. I feel like an adult now, instead of a kid playing pretend."

"It's sounds kind of crazy, and maybe a little sad, but Justin kind of validated who I was as a person. Before, I thought that I was a litttle," McKayla looked to the side and scrunches up her nose, trying to find the right word to describe herself, "different. I was just a tad more out there than everyone else. But then meeting him I said to myself, 'Okay, maybe I'm normal. Or maybe he's just weird like me, and we can be weird together.' That allowed me to open up a little and come out of the box, because I knew he would be there. I'm bound to my bestfriend for life, and he can't get rid of me because I'm like velcro, I'm stuck on him. It's a cool feeling. I feel like Superwoman."

McKayla enters the tattoo shop, feeling comfortable within the white walls. A young latino man comes over to her, giving her a light hug and exchanging greets with her.

"This is my artist, Chris," McKayla tells the camera, slinging an arm around his shoulders. "He does all my work for me."

Chris throws up the peace sign for the camera, and McKayla lets go his shoulders, calling him a childish name. The two have a short conversation about McKayla's visit before Chris moves to the right side of the large room where the chairs and machines are set up. McKayla has decided to get a star on her left wrist.

"It sounds really cheesy but I'll tell you anyways." She says, sitting in the chair and watching as Chris shaves her wrist and rubs an ointment on it.

"I'm getting it there because there's a vein in your wedding finger that goes from your hand to your heart. So it will be a the star over my heart, kinda. I'm gonna make Justin get a moon on his wrist, then we can be the star and the moon," she lets out the laugh that has now become her trademark and slaps her leg with her right hand.

"He wouldn't get a moon on his wrist. He'd rather die. He's gonna be mad that I even got this. Did I tell you I was forbidden to get another tattoo?" She turn to Shannon, who is sitting on the sofa with Eric in the middle of the room.

"After the Lyric one on your ankle?" Shannon asks.

"Yeah. He said that he was the one who gets tattoos in our family. I'll show him!" McKayla puffs her chest with pride before turning her head to continue watching Chris as he lays the stencil.

"For me getting inked is just expressing myself. Expressing things I care about, moments in my life. It's all about things you want to remember, because when you get one you remember that day forever. You remember where you went and who did it and what you talked about with them and what you were thinking and how you felt. Those are some good memories! So, I have a few small ones. Nothing overboard, I don't want my whole body done or anything. I just want them so I can always look back and remember. Ink is with you till the end."

McKayla's is still perched in Chris' chair, the buzz of the needle echoing through the room. A Mac Dre rap song is pumping through the speakers in the background, and Chris is bopping his head. McKayla doesn't look at all worried about him being distracted by a song. She does, however, look uncomfortable.

"Oh my God! Are you almost done?"

"We just started."

"I don't think I can do this."

"Shut up," Chris tells her, stopping to dip his needle. "I've given you a tattoo in a place where it hurt a lot worse than this and you didn't mutter a word."

"Chris!" Her eyes widen and her cheeks deepen in color. "That is personal information, hush. Hush."

Shannon and Eric can be heard laughing and commenting in the background.

"Ya'll didn't hear that. Ignore that MTV. Oh! You know what I should do?" She sits up and looks to Shannon again. "I should call JC and put the phone up to the motor in the machine."

The trio move into fits of laughter again, Shannon's face eventually going red.

"You're horrible," She tells her.

"It's because I love him. I tease him out of love."

McKayla tattoo continues on. Chris refers to calling her names when she complains about the tattoo. Eric has busied himself with looking through one of the various magazine scattered acrossed a coffeetable in front of the sofa. He looks up however, when a man approaches McKayla and asks if he can have an autograph.

"Huh? Right now?"

"Well yeah. My wife loves you. She's never going to believe I come to the same shop as you do."

"Aw, that's so sweet. But, I've got a needle in me now, I can't write anything."

The man settles on taking a picture of her getting done before leaving the building.

"Sometimes it feels weird when strangers come up to me. I don't think of myself as being a celebrity, I don't think about Justin being a celebrity. I'm still the same person I was before I became famous, and Justin for all of his faults, is still the same guy he was. Sometimes it's just weird, and I think they're a little coo-coo for coco puffs."

McKayla steps back out on to the busy street and slips on her shades as she looks into the camera.

"Okay, so now that I've got my ink on, check it out," she holds her wrists out, revealing a small yellow star, "I'm gonna go do a mini photoshoot for an ad I have coming out in Australia."

The camera follows her to the awaiting black SUV and they all pile in. McKayla sits in the middle seat while Eric and Shannon climb into the very back. She clicks on her seatbelt before turning to sit sideways.

"The ad is for shoes, which I love, so it's perfect for me. I get to wear killer heels all day! But um, it's supposed to just be set in this garden place and I don't know how that's going to work because then you get gophers digging holes, and heels and holes don't mix. But, we'll see what the photographer has planned." She puts a manicured hand over the back of the seat as the vehicle moves over some bumpy road.

"I like getting all dolled up and getting my picture taken. The big hair, the fake lashes, all the makeup. I wear a lot of makeup I think, my Mom tells me I wear too much eyeliner. But I just like getting all dressed up and feeling like a girl. That's when I feel like I'm celebrating my womanhood, because usually I'm not all that done up. I'll wear a cute outfit, but I won't be that over the top hot. It just reminds me, 'That's right Kay, you're a dish.'" Shannon bursts with laughter and McKayla tries unsuccessfully to shoot her a glare before breaking a smile herself.

"I got to the shoot and it was going pretty well. I had on this flowy, flowery, chiffon dress and I was in the garden with all these flowers. It was really pretty, but I don't know that I would look at it and think shoes. I'd think Estee Lauder perfume or something, but hey, if that's what they wanted! " She shrugs as if to say 'I don't know'.

"They were some cute shoes too. I snuck home 3 pairs, so someone in that company knows what they're doing. But the best part about that day is that Justin showed up to surprise me. He's been running around doing recording for his next album, working with a lot of different producers and musicians. He was supposed to be working in St. Louis but I guess he got a day or two off so he had to come see 'his lady'. I was all excited about. My man looooves me. He wants to beeee with me." She smiles, before biting her lip and looking away. She rests her chin in her plam, visibly shying away from the lens.

"But I was glad he came to the shoot because I wanted his opinion on everything. I love him and he gets me, so whenever I'm not sure, or sometimes just becauseI want to, I check with him and get his thoughts.

I know he'd never point me in the wrong direction

I know he wouldn't let me do something he felt like was going to be bad for me. Trust me. He's stopped me from making some big mistakes before."

Justin Timberlake is standing in a bedroom turned make-up room. Behind him, through a pair of sliding glass doors, is the scene for the fashion shoot, set up in a lucious garden with a fountain. Justin is digging into a large beachbag McKayla had brought with her, containing her essentials for the day.

"Look at all these fuckin' shoes," he says, pulling out a pink and white plaid heel.

"Justin! Get out of there," McKayla rushes over to him, closing the bag and putting it on the floor on the otherside of the bed, out of sight.

"Are you sneeking those out?" Justin asks accusingly. "Do you think you need more shoes Kay? You already got half my damn closet."

"You," she pointed to him, "keep your voice down. Quit being such a buttkiss."

"Buttkiss?" He puts a hand to his chest, trying his best to sound generally offended. The grin on his handsome face betrays him.

"Yeah, buttkiss."

"Our arguing is out of love." McKayla had to pause, a fit of giggles coming over her. "It's how we express our feelings. It wouldn't really be us if we were mushy-mushy twenty-four seven. We argue and pick on eachother and act more like siblings than husband and wife sometimes."

"I just feel like it's coming out too cheesy, ya know? I don't want it to look like a 'Check me out/ Oh, and I have on shoes' type of ad, you know?"

McKayla is standing next to her husband, hugging his arm close to her body and speaking in a hushed tone as he looks over snapshots of the test shoot. Her face displays a slight look of concern, but mostly a look of admiration and trust as she looks from the picutres to the side of his face.

"I hate those ads where the product isn't even part of the concept."

"Yeah." He nods, peering at the images from behind aviator shades.

"Well, try sitting down like this," he refers to a particular photography, " but with your knees up. Then, because he's down here on the ground, it'll kinda put your body into the background and your feet in the foreground instead of vice versa."

McKayla nods in agreement before resting her chin on his shoulder with a soft smile.

"You're so smart baby."

They begin exchanging little kisses, and Shannon steps infront of the camera, blocking the view.

"Those two are like a broken record," she says, nodding her head back at them. "If you leave them alone, they'll be stuck like that all day."

"I've heard before that we're gross, but I don't care. It's not like we've constantly got our tongues in eachothers mouths or something."

"Bye ya'll!" McKayla calls as she heads down the steps leading to the SUV waiting at the curb.

She is wearing her yellow shirt and jeans again. Justin is sitting in the middle seat of the SUV, the window half rolled down revealing his face as he waits for his wife.

"I'm gonna go spend some time with my husband."

"Justin and I met.... it doesn't matter how we met." She leans down to scratch her ankle nervously.

"The point is there was chemistry. I tried to fight, but he was so damn adorible and irritating that I was pretty much a gonner from the beginning. When we finally looked at eachother and were like, 'Okay, we're gonna do this. We're gonna be a couple,' it was like fireworks and bombs at the same time. I was so excited and I was so happy, but I knew this was the beginning of the hard part. But, I also know that he's the one for me and I know I want to be with him forever, so he brought his boxing gloves and I brought mine."

We're just gonna fight for it.

"I know you want to come in, and you think you're going to, but you're not."

McKayla's oak bedroom door is cracked open, and she's standing on the other side of it, shaking her finger at the camera. Her yellow shirt has been replaced by a white one, and she displays a teasing grin as the door is pulled open a little wider and Justin moves to stand behind her.

"Cause this the private domain right here. There ain't gonna be no Tommy Lee/Pam Anderson videos going on," he says.

"You're allowed to come in here and hang out, just not right now," McKayla states.

"She's gotta go." Justin announces as he grips her wrist.

McKayla laughs, her face lighting up, and she allows herself to be pulled backwards as a shirtless Justin steps infront of her.

"Justin," she half-heartedly complains.

"You'll have to get the scoop later, right now she's gotta go. She's busy. Bye." Justin pushes the door closed.

McKayla lowers her eye lids, trying to form a sexy, smoldering expression before the facade fades and she giggles to herself.

"You think you know, but you have no idea. This is the diary of McKayla Malone-Timberlake."

June 20, 2004

McKayla is in a dimly lite recording studio, talking with a popular pop music producer as he fiddles with buttons on the sound board.

"Who are you to tell me?" McKayla sings, demonstrating the notes.

"Who are you to tell me?" The producer turns to correct her.

"Tell me," she tries again.

"That's good. Get in there and do it like that," he tells her.

"I was in New York, working on some tracks for my new album. Well, I don't wanna say a new album because I don't know if that's what I'm going to be doing next. With Justin finishing up his album I kinda wanna try to wait until he's done with that and all of his promo and everything before I start a big project of my own like that. But then, my record label might have something to say about that plan. Right now I'm just hanging out with different producers, just vibing with people and seeing what comes to mind. It's easier this way than compared to my other albums because there's no deadlines or standards, it's just for fun. The vibe is mellow, and people work better under those conditions."

McKayla is sitting in a chair along side her producer, Riley, sporting a white baseball cap.

"Don't listen to this girl." Riley is telling the camera. "She is not the nice lady she claims to be. She's a bad bad chick."

"Shut up! I am not." She nudges his arm.

"You are."

"No one is going to believe you."

"This girl will down a bottle of Tequila, hook up with your bestfriend, and curse out your Mama."

McKayla's mouth opens with a gasp. "Stop that! I would never hook up with your bestfriend."

"I don't know why people are always saying I'm not as nice as I seem. I can be nice, dammit! I'm a nice girl, but I have my parts of my personality where I've got a bit of an edge. That's called being human. I'm not one or two dimentional.

I've got different parts to my personality, that's normal.

But I don't so much mind it when Riley does it, because we've known eachother for awhile and we've worked together before. I'm the little sister he never had, so I get all of his pent up teasing."

"The song we're working on right now is called Heart of Stone, and it's about being afraid to step forward. About having had your hopes up in the past, and never having things turn out the way you want them too. And then here's an opportunity where maybe you can be happy, but, there's that part of you that's still really scared because it's been hurt time and time before and it doesn't want to go through that again. So, it's about being the middle and not being sure which way to go. I guess it's a little biographical if you want to stretch that far."

 

Riley is seated at the board again, watching through the glass as McKayla holds the earphones to her head, leaning over the music stand to the microphone.

"So many people told me I'd never find the life I was searching for.
It wasn't meant to be.
I'd given up hope on this silly old dream.
It wasn't meant for me.
So many others had been here before you.
Their wounds have faded to scars.
And now it scares me to hear you say you love me.
I don't know how much strength I have left inside.

Because I could see us sitting on the countryside.
I could see us laying together all night.
I could see the mountains we could move and the wonderful things we'd create.
I'm afraid that you'll leave me lonely.
Broken promises are all I'll have to hold me.
I'm scared that you'll say goodbye forever
And I'll be left with a heart of stone."

"The break-up that Justin and I had was because of similar reasons. Everything between us had happened so fast. I know people think we had this secret love affair for years and then we got married but we didn't. To completely honest, we were virtual strangers to eachother. I thought maybe things had happened too fast, that they had come too easily. Nothing this good could be true. I got really scared. I got scared that I was putting so much of my trust in one person and that one day he was going to leave me, like others in my past have. I definately know what it's like to have a heart of stone. So I ran away. But he ran after me, and that was the first time that that had happened, so I turned around and came back."

"I'm really proud of the songs I've done so far. If they are going to be put into an album then it will be the one closest to my heart so far. There's a lot of me in it, because I've done all the songs. I don't know how to make things up, I just know how to write what I think and feel, so a lot of the lyrics are really personal to me. I'm a little hesitant to put it out there because if people reject it then in a sense they're rejecting me. But I'd rather people reject me than be in love with something that's not me."

June 23, 2004

"I had just flown into Orlando and I had to do a couple TV interviews right off the bat. People wanna know about mine and Justin's relationship, especially down there because that's where Nsync started so, there's some die-hard fans hanging out down there. They wanna ask all the probbing questions and get all the good info."

McKayla is sitting in a chair next to an older black man and white woman, the hosts of a local morning television show. Her suit is classic, all white, but she wears a Rock 'n' Roll tee shirt underneith instead of the traditional button up.

"So, McKayla, do you and Justin plan on having children any time soon?" The woman probs. Her bubbily cute personality is similiar to that of Kelly Ripa.

"We're not really planning anything right now. There's so much other stuff going on that we haven't even really discussed kids. We're focusing on how our schedules and how everything is going to work out and when we're going to even be able to see eachother to have kids."

"How do you think you'll handle maternity wear? Will Justin be a good father?" The questions continued.

"Justin will be an amazing father. He's one of the best men I've ever known so I don't see how he could possibly be a bad Dad. He's kind and he's patient and he loves kids. He loves being around children and teaching them and playing games and all that. I think somehow he got the maternal nature instead of the paternal one."

"How do you feel about raising children on the road? Will you take time off and stay home?"

"I'll probably stay home for the pregnancy and for a few months afterwards, yes. But, this is what I do. This is what Justin does. I don't see either of us walking away from it for very long."

"What's Justin's most annoying trait? How do you solve arguements at home?"

"How do we solve agruements? Umm, well, I wait for Justin to apologize and bring me diamonds."

"I don't really mind people asking questions about us. I understand that it's part of the job. I have a public job, and so people feel like they have the right to have access to me and my life at all times.

At the end of the day, everyone is just trying to make it, ya know.

Everyone just wants to pay their rent and put food on the table and maybe have extra money to go to the mall. It's hard to get mad at someone for that, even when they're asking you something rude or hiding in the bushes with a camera."

"A lot of times it's funny. People ask you off the wall questions, or want you do something freaky on their show. I give them a look like, 'What? That's not in my job description.' But they have to pull in viewers so they need the freaky stuff that people will tune in for. Jerry Springer is the kig of that, which is why he's still on air after like 15 years."

"McKayla, do you think about how many girls might look up to you? How many lives you impact around the world?" The older gentlemen, wearing a casual gray suit, leans against the arm of his chair and glances down at his cue cards.

"I try not too. Not because I don't want that, but because that's a lot of pressure. I'm glad that people look up to me and feel like I represent something good or positive in the world. I'm glad that I provide an alternate image as opposed to the ones on TV where people are doing drugs and having sex and no one is saying you don't have to be that way. But at the same time I hope that people realize that I'm human too. I'm gonna do things that maybe aren't the best decision, or maybe I'll regret one day, but it's going to happen all the same. I ignore it because if I had to deal with the pressure of having to be perfect all the time, I'd drop dead."

The camera is zoomed in on her face again, and her bangs move as she bats her long lashes, trying to think of the best way to word what she wants to say.

"It's always an amazing feeling when a fan comes up to me and tells me they look up to me or that I've helped them through something in their life. That's one of the best things that I've gotten out of having my career. I just hope they don't put to much faith in me, or put too much of their happiness on me. I know they think I'm Supergirl but, truth is most of the time I need someone to lean on too."

"But it's my fault that they think I'm Supergirl," she nods with a smile. "There's a difference between the me they see and the me that I am. I will say, for Riley and all of his teasing, he did have a point. There's the Professional McKayla and the Normal McKayla. Pro Kayla is the one on TV who's speaks well and looks perfect and thinks everything through. Then there's Normal Kay and she doesn't wear make-up half the time, and speaks first and thinks later. But I think everyone has that Superman and Clark Kent relationship going on with themselves. You don't wear your pajamas to the office and you don't lounge at home in a suit. You change yourself to fit the enviornment you're in. But at home, I'm just a dork. People don't need to know how many times a day I have a brain fart."

"Well McKayla we want to thank you for stopping by." The woman reached out to McKayla, offering to hug.

"Thank you so much for having me."

"It was our pleasure. Tell your husband we said 'hello', and he needs to stop by sometime."

"Oh I'll be sure to pass the message along."

"You think you know. And you've probably seen this show many times that you really do." McKayla laughs out loud before attempting to regain her composer.

"You think you know, but you have no idea. This is the diary of McKayla Malone-Timberlake."

July 5, 2004

I was in San Fransisco doing some publicity stuff and checking in on family a little bit. While I was there, I was asked to sing the national anthem for the A's vs the Giant's baseball game. It's a big thing we have here and we call it The Battle of the Bay because the teams are right across from the bay from eachother. They're literally like 3 miles apart, so the whole area watches it on TV to see what city is going to get bragging rights for the year."

"When I go to events like that where I know that people are going to be around I have Eric and Shannon with me all the time. They're like my bulldogs." She claps her hands, more amused by her own honestly than anything. "They take care of me. I can send Eric in and he'll get people out of my way. Shannon will do all the talking for me when people are annoying me. So basically, I sit back and look pretty and am deemed the nice one."

McKayla is seated in a long limo, and at the other end of the car sits Shannon, with Eric between them. McKayla is wearing oversized shades as she looks out the window from her corner.

"Hi," she says to the camera, her voice groggy. "It's like, 5am, so I don't really feel like talking."

"Ms. Diva over here in the corner," Shannon teases from her end.

"I'm not a Diva. It's just early."

"Diva," Erica coughs.

"You know, I could snap my fingers and neither of you would work in this town again."

"We don't live in this town."

"You know what I mean."

"Sadly, yes."

"I love Eric and Shannon so much. They're more than just my security and my assistant, they're my bestfriends. I talk to them about everything. My personal problems, everything. Spending so much time together, we've become our own little family. We love eachother, we support eachother. I'm really blessed with the team of people that I have around me. We're kinda like the three musketeers. One for all!" She raises her hand, her fist in the air.

"When we got to the stadium I was looking out of the windows of the limo because I just knew that some of my family was going to be there. Sure enough, they were there wearing all their green. We're A's people, we're not going to root for the Giants. So, I brought them all inside with me so they could, I don't know, wander the halls. It's what I do."

"How long have you guys been here?" McKayla asks, dropping her purse onto the sofa in her dressing room.

"Since around eleven or twelve. We brought some snacks and some people were tailgating next to us and they gave us some stuff. It was fun," her Aunt Anita answered cheerfully.

Anita was the member of the family McKayla most resembled. They were the same height and weight, had the same face shape, body type, and sense of humor.

"You ate food from strangers?" McKayla's jaw dropped before her upper lip curled into a sort of snarl.

"Don't act like you're too famous to be eating the same food as us common folks McKayla."

"Get off of her back Rosalyn, she didn't say that," McKayla's mother, Lorraine, defended.

"My Mom and I have definately gotten closer over the past few months. When Justin and I got back together, she and I had a long talk about it. Just talking about feelings and marriage and life. I think that conversation was a turning point for us. I think she realized that I wasn't a little girl to be told what to do anymore. I was an adult.

I realized that she was flawed like everyone.

She wasn't going to be that picture perfect Leave It To Beaver Mom. I think it just helped us learn to tolerate our differences better, which is always good."

"It had been a couple months since I'd seen my Mom and my family so it was good to be home for a minute and.... recharge a little bit. Family does that for you. They have a way of bringing you back down to Earth and reminding you that they knew you when you were 2 feet tall with pigtails. You ain't no superstar there. But that's good for me because in my business, I'm around people who want to kiss my butt all day because of my name. It's good to be around people who will actually tell you the truth."

"Yeah. I didn't even say that," McKayla rolled her neck before smiling and hugging her Mother.

"Don't be hiding behind your Mama now, Superstar." Cousin Alexandra called from the sofa.

"You're the one stuck on Superstar. You wanna go out there and sing and I'll go watch from one of the luxury boxes?"

"Okay." The girl stood with her hand on her hip.

"Girl, you know you can't carry a tune."

"You didn't say anything about having to be a good singer. You just said did I want to sing."

"She got you there Kayla," Anita commented.

"Can I go sing Kayla?" One of the littlest cousins, Brandon, asked.

"The downside of this job is being away so much. I have a big family, and there's lots of people I love and who love me. And while I'm away their going to college, and having babies. My family is growing up.

I feel like I'm missing out on moments I should be there for.

I don't want to be the cousin that people see twice a year and don't really know. Justin and my family come first before everything and I want them to know that, always."

"While I was walking out to the field I ran into Chris Kirkpatrick. You know," McKayla reached up to scratch her head, slightly mussing her hair in the back, "he didn't tell me why he was there, he was just chillin'. Maybe he was a spy. Justin wasn't there. He was back in LA doing some choreography stuff with Marty and his schedule just wouldn't let him. It's hectic for both of us. I don't know what we'd do without cellphones and emails."

"How have you been?" Chris stops in the hall to give McKayla a hug.

"Good darlin'. How have you been? I haven't talked to you in so long." She pulled away from him with a smile and adjusted the snug A's jersey she wore.

"I know, since your little scandal went down. Ready to go belt that tune?"

"Yeah, I think so. I just spent the last 20 minutes warming up so, I'm just hoping my cords aren't too tired now."

"I hope not, because you know they re-wrote the song, right?"

"Huh?" Her face was generally confused.

"Yeah, they put a high F in the end."

"A high F?"

"Yeah, the Land of the Free part? Free is a high F now."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Chris, I can't do that. I'm not like you, I don't have the voice of a 10 year old girl."

"Haha, haha, you're funny. Anyone seen a pool around here? I have a girl I need to toss in there really quick."

McKayla laughed at him, quickly walking off.

"Bye Chris."

"You'll get yours."

"Love ya!"

"Doing the National Anthem was a lot of fun for me because I've been in that ballpark to watch games before, and I've listened to other people do it and thought to myself, 'I can do it better. I'm gonna do that one day.' So for that to have actually come true was pretty cool. Then after they let me throw a couple balls from the pitchers mound. That was pretty sad. I think only one made it all the way over to the plate. I'm not a ball player man. But it was fun. It was good times. I'll always remember that."

July 17, 2004

"The funny thing is that people think that because of my body type that I don't exercise. That I just sit on my behind all day long and then go stand infront of a mic in a booth for a few hours. No." She closes her eyes as she shakes her head.

"No. It's so much harder than that. Running around on stage, having to keep up with this schedule. It's tough and you have to take care of yourself and be in shape for it. Any celeb who tells you they don't work out: LIAR! But what was cool about it that day was because I met with Justin in Houston, Texas and we worked out together, which is relatively rare for us."

"Hey, spot me," Justin said, standing next to the weight bench set up in the middle of the room.

"I'm busy man," McKayla says from in front of the mirror where she's lifting dumbells above her head.

"Woman, you better-."

"Okay, okay, I'm coming. Lay down." McKayla tells him as she sets down her weights and moves over to stand by the weight bench.

Justin laid on his back and lifted the bar into the air before lowering it to his chest.

"How many of these do you do?" She asked.

"Only like 50 to 75."

"You want me to stand here while you do 75 of these?" She couldn't help but whine.

"Yes."

"Justin, even if that thing fell on you I couldn't lift it off."

"You're mostly mental support," he shrugged.

McKayla snorted, rolling her eyes at him. She moved away from the head of the bench, walking around the side while Justin continued his lifts.

"What are you doing?" He asked, trying to concentrate on moving the bar in the correct formation.

"Nothing," she said, sitting down on his stomach.

Justin let out a groan and dropped the bar to his chest.

"McKayla, you're on my liver," he squeeked out.

She smiled.

"Okay, I get it." He said, "I get the message. You can get up now."

McKayla stood, and Justin lifted the bar back into place before rolling onto his side.

"You trying to kill me or something?" He huffed.

"Why would I kill you Randall? You're my mate for life! Plus, my crushing your liver isn't covered on your insurance policy."

He glared at her as he sat up.

"Why don't you go do some squats? Tighten up your thighs."

"Are you serious?" Her bottom lip pouted out instantaniously.

"The one thing I'm picky about is my legs. I do my squats everyday, as many as I can until my legs give out from under me. I don't care if there's chub on my arms, I don't care about my tummy, but my legs have to be rock solid. And they are, ask Justin. I've always been obsessed with my thighs and my calfs, since I was little. I would do the step aerobics with my Mom so my legs got pretty defined from that. Other people have commented on my how strong my legs are and the muscle tone in them. It makes me feel good. Some people have their arms, some people are all about their abs, for me it's the legs."

"I don't believe people who say they have more energy after they work out, cause after I do I usually wanna sleep. But I like when you're done and your skin is shiny from the sweat and your adrenaline is pumping. I can be a junkie for that sometimes. Justin loves it so he works out all the time, which is why he has a six pack and I don't."

"Do you see Justin back there?" McKayla speaks in a hushed tone to the camera. Her back is to Justin, who's by the mirror doing curls.

"Don't turn and look, it will be obvious. Just kinda, look out the window and steal a glance at him."

The camera panned to the window and back again, taking a second to rest on Justin.

"Okay, do you see that?" She asks. "He's working on his biceps, he's got no shirt on and he's all sticky and sweaty. This is why we don't work out with him. He's trying to distract me from my work out. It's good for his ego if I stop and stare at him like I want too. I'm good at resisting, so he's trying to bait me into it. He can't be trusted. He's no good. He'll do anything, including sabotage me, to get what he wants."

"I can hear you, Kay," Justin's voice echoes through the room as McKayla sips her waterbottle.

"And he eavesdrops."

"You think you know," she pointed to the lens, "but you have no idea. This is the diary of McKayla Malone-Timberlake."

August 5, 2004

McKayla is standing outside on the street corner, smiling for a picture with three younger girls around her. The mother of one of the girls is just off the curb, snapping picture after picture of them. Finally she says she is done, and steps back onto the sidewalk as the girls turn to her with giggles and nervous smiles.

"Oh my Gosh, I can't believe I'm talking to you. You're like my favorite singer ever," one girl says.

"Well thank you, that's sweet." McKayla took the girls hand, giving her a hug before letting her go. She glances at the door of the shop behind her, wondering when her partner in crime would be done so they could leave.

"Are you gonna be doing a new album soon?"

She turned back to the girls when I question was posed.

"I've been playing around in the studio a lot lately so, we'll see what happens."

Justin come out of a store behind her, carrying a blue bag with a bow holding the handles together. The jaws of the girls dropped at the sight of him and McKayla took the opportunity to run.

"I've got to go. It was nice to meet you girls," she said turning to meet up with Justin as he waited for a few feet away, sipping on a Jack in the Box cup.

"I don't really try to cover myself up when I go out in public. I do it sometimes on accident, I'll have on a hat and shades or something. But usually I'm not too big on trying to hid myself. They always figure you out anyway, and then you're stuck wearing all of these extra layers you don't need. I'd rather just take Eric with me. But then he starts complaining about not having a day off, then I'll have to brave the masses alone. It's difficult because when someone comes up to you, you don't want to tell them 'no'. But if you sign for them then everyone is going to want you to sign their stuff too. Then people who get left out are disappointed or their feelings are hurt."

I don't want my fans to ever think that I don't have time for them.

"What took you so long? It's JC's birthday present, not a wedding gift. Buy him a strobe light for the basement and done with it." McKayla grumbled, buckling her seatbelt.

"I went as fast as I could. They took forever to wrap it. But I saw some girls talking to you earlier," Justin steered the car out onto the street and moved to the left lane to make a U turn.

"Yeah, it started as soon as you went in."

"How many picutres did you end up taking?"

"Forty."

Justin laughed.

"No wonder you looked annoyed when I came back out."

"No. It was because I missed you."

Justin smiled, leaning over to give her a kiss at a red light.

"Besides, the only time I look annoyed is when I'm around you," McKayla patted his cheek lovingly.

"Justin finally had a day off so we went up to Toronto where JC had been working on some songs for a band up there. It was his birthday and he decided to do something low-key so us, and Joey and Kelly, and Lance and Chris and some other friends of his all flew up there to hang out with him. He called me and made sure that I knew not to bring a camera crew to his place. He wanted mellow, low-key. No bright lights and all of that. He was the birthday boy so, we all respected his wishes. I was just happy to be spending time with Justin because I hadn't seen him since July 18th so, I was definately missing my husband."

"We haven't been seeing eachother that much, and we know it's going to be that way for the rest of the summer. So when we do have two or three days together I cherish it. I'm like, 'We have to be attached at the hip right now. You have to be next to me and I have to be next to you.' I probably annoy him because when we're together I'm like, clinging to him every second. When we're apart, every free moment I get I'm calling him on his cellphone. 'What are you doing? Where are you going? Who are you talking to? What's happening? Talk to me.' Either way, I'm always in his business."

I'm sure that at least once a day he stops and goes, 'What am I doing with this girl?'

McKayla is sitting on a stool as the lighting for the Diary backdrop is being adjusted. Her expression is tired, and a little bored. She pulls her cellphone from her pocket and presses a few buttons before putting it to her ear.

"Hi baby," she say softly, attempting to keep their conversation private. "How are you?.... Uh-huh. What are you doing?.... Wow, still? That's what you were doing last time I talked to you.... Now I didn't just call you five minutes ago. I know I didn't because we were filming five minutes ago.... Nuh-uh.... Justin Randall, are you calling me a nag?"

"You think you know," her eyebrow raised, "but you have no idea. This is the diary of McKayla Malone-Timberlake."

August 16, 2004

"I had to shoot a spot for the MTV VMA's. I'm gonna be one of the presenters, so they asked me come do a spot for one of the categories with Jamie Kennedy, so I flew down to Miami to meet up with him. Most of the other presenters shot theirs in New York, but Jamie was on a tour and he didn't have time, so MTV brought it all to him. I had seen Jamie in Malibu's Most Wanted and he had had a special on Comedy Central so I knew who he was and the type of stuff he did. I wasn't really sure how this match up was gonna go."

McKayla is sitting in her trailer with Shannon, laughing over a magazine article, when Jamie comes running through the open door. The girls pause in their conversation, both staring at him curiously. Jaime stand there by the door, and looks at them for a moment.

"Forget me not!" he sings loudly, referencing one of McKayla's songs from the previous year. "Forget me not."

McKayla can hardly contain her laughter, and is holding her stomach as she giggles uncontrollably.

"You look so passionate, Jamie," she tells him with a big grin once his version of the chorus is complete.

"I've been practicing. I wanna do it just like you. I think I almost have it," he said, welcoming himself further into the trailer and taking a seat at her vanity.

"Almost," McKayla nodded, "I like your intensity though."

"Yeah? That part came natural. I got heart. Know what I'm saying?" He slipped into his B-Rad voice and she couldn't help it when her laughter started all over again.

"The point of the commercial was for Jamie and I to be a married couple, and we're having a conversation. Simple enough, right? Well, throughout the conversation I keep telling him, 'That's it, we're over. Okay, we're back together. I want a divorce. Okay, we're back together.' Then eventuallly we would say, 'and the Viewers Choice Nominees are.' The spot was poking fun at Justin and I, but we have a good sense of humor about it. We're not the type to take ourselves to seriously."

I can recognise when I've done something a little crazy.

"Jamie and I ended up having so much fun. He was this perverted husband and everything he said had some sexual undertone and I had to try to keep a straight face and be like, 'No. I'm divorcing you. Get out of my grill, I'm gone. Okay, I love you,' and not think that that mood swing is weird at all. We had a lot of fun doing it so I hope that when it plays the audience isn't dead silent with crickets in the background."

August 22, 2004

"I was in New York again, this time for the VMA's. Actually it was more to be with Justin just before the VMA's. He had two days of rehearsal before the show. He was gonna perform there, and then go on a promo mini-tour while the last mixing of the album was done. Then, as soon as the promo tour was done they would release the album and then the tour would start. Basically the VMA's was the jump-off for everything. I knew that after that our lives would get two-hundred times crazier so I wanted to just be with him those last two days and kinda, ya know, feel the love." Her full lips stretched into a smile as she thought fondly of her husband.

"Because it was MTV, Justin and Marty had been working really hard over the past week and came up with some really good stuff. I was impressed by Randall, but he always amazes me. I need to stop with the lovey-dovey stuff. I'm turning into one of those girls!"

McKayla's sitting on the floor of a large studio watching Justin and his dancers slide over the hardwood floor as they go through the choreography for Marty.

"It's look good, huh? They did a great jobs," she says to the camera.

She returns to nodding her head with the beat, studying Justin's moves. Then someone trips, throwing the next move out of sync. Justin curses to himself as the music is turned off and runs a hand over his head.

"Okay, try it one more time from the top. Less than 48 hours guys, you gotta pull it together," Marty told them.

"Lots of stress going on," McKayla comments. "He's doing two rehearsals. One for the VMA's, and one for the tour, so there's a lot on his shoulders and a lot going through his mind.

"I know Justin's nervous. He's a perfectionist so he wants everything, everytime he gets on the stage, to go exactly the way it's supposed too. I want that for him because it will make him happy, but I think I have a better understanding of how unrealistic that is than he does. But the boy can dream! He loves the song and he's gonna get out there and do his thing and being wonderful as usual."

He was born to do this stuff, he's got nothing to worry about.

"Justin is one of those people who can just do anything. They try any obsticale infront of them and they just overcome it that easily. I'm one of those people who has to figure out the method that's going to help me get it done. Sometimes it takes me three or four tries before I get something. But I guess the good part is that I keep trying. You gotta get back up and ride the horse when it bucks you off, ya know."

"So, this summer has been crazy. This summer has been hectic. So far it shows no signs of slowing down. But I definately had a great time. I found out my relationship could stand the test of distance, and got to see a little more of the country, and spent a little time with my family. It's been part of my, ya know," she gave a suggestive wink to the camera before giggling. "Part of my transition I guess. But it's been a lot of fun."

"The most important thing was that I ended it hanging out with Justin. One thing I've learned is that at the end of the day everything comes back to us and our relationship. Being married is something that you have to contantly work on everyday. We knew so much about eachother, but there's still so much left for us to learn and I can't help but be anxious about it. I've never been in a serious serious relationship like this before."

I just want to soak it up and enjoy it.

Justin is wearing a microphone headset, his skin glistening and his body a little musky, having just come off the stage from the VMA's. He's out of breath, and a beaming McKayla is behind him.

"MTV, I think this is the end of the line for you," Justin said, stopping infront of the camera that had been pointed towards his wife during the duration of his song.

"It's so hard to say goodbye," McKayla smiled. "But it's been fun."

"Next time you'll have to come follow me instead of her. I swear, I had a lot more fun this summer than she did."

"You did not," she argued.

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"McKayla," he said, "stop arguing with me, you're being rude. If this continuous, irrational, obnoxious behavior carries on, I'm going to leave. Then you'll be sorry, cause I'm the star here."

"So many big words for such a small mind, Randall," she smiled.

He opened his mouth to reply, but someone interupted him.

"Justin, you gotta go get changed so we can leave. You've got a flight tonight."

"Oh, right," Justin reached down and took McKayla's hand, pulling her along behind him. She didn't try to resist him in the slightest.

"Bye MTV. I hope you enjoyed my summer! I'll see you next time."

She threw a wave and a smile over her shoulder before she and Justin disappeared into the darkness that was backstage.

VH1 All Access
Justin and McKayla: So Amazing

Justin stands in front of the camera, his arms are folded solidly across his chest and he stares at the camera, almost intimidatingly. The backdrop behind him is plain white, and the camera is zoomed in on his face and chest. The blue shirt he wears is typical Timberlake attire.

"So," he says, "you wanna know about me, huh? You wanna know what I get into when I have some 'down time?'"

Justin made the quotations with his fingers before folding his arms again.

"Well, keep the channel right here to find-."

An arm comes from the right of the screen, shoving Justin to the side. McKayla steps into view, hands on her hips. Her eyes roll as she stands next to her husband. His tough persona disappears and he steps to the side to share the space with her.

"You mean they wanna know about us, right?"

"That's what I meant. Me, and my sidekick, Kayla."

Justin slings an arm around her shoulders, and smiles for the camera. He pretends not to notice McKayla as she narrowed her eyes on him and sucked on her teeth. Then she turned back to the camera, smiling that "McKayla" smile.

"With all my experience in life, I have two pieces of wisdom to offer you. First, whatever you do, don't marry Justin Timberlake."

Justin frowned next to her, dropping his arm from her shoulders.

"Secondly," she continued, "make sure you stay tuned for our VH1 reality special, Justin and McKayla: So Amazing."

"Follow us for a couple of weeks as we finally get a break from our hectic schedules."

"See what it's like to hang with us."

"And what really goes on behind the scenes when you're married to her."

McKayla shot him a look as he continued.

"Stay tuned to watch me as-."

"Us!" McKayla's eyes rolled again.

"What?"

"Us. Not you, us."

"Do you always have to argue with me?" Justin turned to her, his hands raised in question.

McKayla's eyes widened as she turned to face him.

"Are you kidding me? Me pick fights with you? You always start with me. And why do you always say it's my fault?"

Justin's eyes rolled and he turned towards the camera, taking a step forward as McKayla rambled on behind him.

"Look, just stay tuned for the show. Aiight?"

The screen faded to black as Justin turned back to his wife, their argument continuing.

"You do always do it."

"Like you don't do everything in your power to provoke me, Justin."

He let out a sigh, his hands resting on his hips as he tosses the camera bored, yet annoyed look.

She's Real
Summer, winter, spring, and fall
I'll be around to catch your calls
He's Honest
Cause you're my baby (you're my baby)
And I adore you
You always brighten up my day
I never ever let you wait
There's Truth
Cause you're my baby (you're my baby)
And you're amazing
It's Their Reality
Cause you're my baby (you're my baby)
And you're amazing (so amazing)

Justin and McKayla: So Amazing

"I Don't Know Why We Decided To Do A Reality Show!"

Produced by: "The Managers".
Cinematography by: The Malone-Timberlake's.
Starring: "Randy" and "Michelle".
Special Appearances by: "The Assistants" and "The Bodyguards".

 

*~*

"Well, it started because I had just come back from my tour." Justin appears to be in the kitchen, watching over a sandwich sizzling on the stove. "Actually, the tour was on pause. I had finished the uh, the American tour, but we were going for the UK tour in three weeks. McKayla had been doing a film role up in Canada, in the hills. So it was the first time in awhile that I wasn't following her on some project, or she wasn't following me on some project."

"First we had to head over to Europe." McKayla is seated on a plush burgundy chair. The piece of furniture is so large it almost swallows her as she sits with her denim clad legs crossed. "I was doing a remix to one of my songs for a movie soundtrack. We were supposed to be having a little mini-vacation together, but, it was some big opportunity that Nick said I HAD to do. Justin wanted to tag along. He likes being in the UK, going to the disco. I was amped to do a track with Thunderpuss. He's worked with Christina Aguilera in the past, and I really like him."

A brown leather door is pushed open by an unseen hand, and the camera shakily moves forward. McKayla comes into view, sitting in a black leather executive chair infront of the soundboard of the studio. Next to her is the engineer.

"There he is," she says. "Where you been baby?"

"I went to walk around. Look at this watch I bought."

It becomes apparent that again Justin is the one behind the camera as he holds out his wrist. McKayla leans forward to inspect the platinum watch.

"Like you needed another watch. It's nice though."

"I know it! What are you doing now? Is Thunder gone?"

"Yeah. Me and Carlo are just messin around. Listen to this track we came up with."

McKayla looks to Carlo, and smirks while pushing a few buttons. Soon the room fills with music. A rough pop beat, accentuated by an electric guitar. It was amazing what you could do in the studio now of days. You could do an entire song with a single instrument having entered the room. McKayla's voice began to flow through the speakers, and Justin listened to the words. It was 'Sly Baby'. McKayla doubled over in her own laughter, and Justin turned the camera to show himself, his expression stating that he was clearly worried about the girl.

The camera turned to land on Eric, standing guard in a corner. The big man has his arms folded, and when he notices Justin, he meerly shrugs. The camera flips to Justin again.

"Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing here. Really, I do."

When the camera turns back to McKayla, she is engaged in a round of Sly Baby with Carlo, and surprisingly it matched up with the beat of the song. When Carlo slipped and flipped his hand when he wasn't supposed to, McKayla let out a hollar and raised her hands over her head.

"The winner and still the champion: McKayla 'Baby 1, Baby 2' Malone!"

Justin's hearty chuckle could be heard as McKayla cheered for herself. The camera panned back to him, and he again gave the look. When he turns the camera back to McKayla, the track has changed to the one she'd previously recorded with Thunderpuss, and she is spinning in fast circles in her executive chair.

The screen blackens for a moment and when it comes back, Justin and McKayla are in an elevator. Justin's holding the camera infront of himself, and their reflections can be seen in the golden doors. Justin's wearing a creme sweater and blue jeans. McKayla in a brown and creme silk top and jeans. They're making faces, crossing their eyes and sticking out their tongues.

"I still don't see why you insist on carrying this thing everywhere we go," McKayla said, reaching for the camera resting in the palm of his hand.

Justin holds it up in the air, over her head, until she stops trying.

"Because, I wanna remember shit."

"Stop smokin' weed, that might help."

The camera barely catches the look he gives her.

"Funny." His voice drips with sarcasm as the elevator doors open and they step into the lobby. "What I meant was, because I want to be able to look back on all the stuff we do. One day we might not remember being here, or you making that weird song."

"That song was the bomb. It's going to number one."

Justin scoffed, "If your Sly Baby remix goes to number one, I will strip naked on TRL and shake it to the video."

"And I'm sure that will also be the only time MTV charges for seats."

The camera turns away from McKayla and towards two girls on the sidewalk. They are antsy and giddy with excitement, markers and papers in their hands.

"Hi," they say in unison. Their eyes glazed over at the sight of Justin Timberlake.

"Hi."

"Can--can we have your autograph?"

"Uh, yeah. Sure."

The camera jiggles, and then McKayla can faintly be heard saying, "here, gimme."

The focus becomes steady again and Justin is standing infront of the girls, scribbling his name on notebook papers. Eric is close by his side.

"Have you guys been standing out here the whole time? It's cold!"

The girls just laugh, their ability to converse paralyzed by the sight of their idol.

"Can I have a picture with you too?" One girl, a pretty brunette with braces asked.

"Yeah sure, real quick though."

Justin puts an arm around her shoulder as her friend stepped infront of them, disposable Kodak in her hand.

"Why do ya'll like him?" McKayla asked. "He's not even that cute."

"Ignore her," Justin said. "She's having sanity issues."

~*~

"Justin is a lot more extroverted than I am. He's the one who says what's on his mind, and doesn't have a problem with looking silly. I'm alittle more, uh, hesistant to draw attention to myself like that. But that's what keeps things interesting with him."

"I haaate you but I loooove you, I can't stop think-in' oooof yooou. It's truuuuuuuue, I'm stuuuuuuuuuuuuck on you."

McKayla is holding the silver camcorder, watching her husband sing his nasally little heart out to Staci Orrico on the radio. He danced to the beat in the drivers seat, bobbing his head from left to right.

"I can't take it, la la la la la la." He improvised the lyrics he didn't know. "My hearts still breaking, ba ba ba ba ba ba. And I can't take it, do do do do do FAIR! I hate you but I love you, I can't stop think-ing ooooof you. It's truuuue, I'm stuck on you. I'm stuck on yooooooooou."

He ended with a cheesy grin in her direction before he reached forward to turn down the stereo.

"Now who's theme song does that sound like it could be?"

"Theme song?"

"Yeah. I hate you but I love you. Can't stop thinking of you. Can't take it, stuck on you. Sound like familiar feelings?"

"Your and your Mom?"

He dropped his chin to his chest and glared at her through his eyelashes. She giggled.

"I'm kidding. I love Lynn," her voice dropped to a mutter, "Crazy woman."

Justin looked at her sharply and she changed the subject.

"Jay, don't you love being married to me?" She set the camera on the dash.

"It's peachy."

She rolled her eyes. "Seriously."

"Well, of all the pains in my ass you're definately the cutest, I can tell you that."

McKayla's brow furrowed. What exactly was it that she'd seen in him again?

"That's so romantic," she muttered.

"I know it." He leaned forward, puckering his lips.

McKayla giggled. He kind of resembled a goldfish. Regardless, she gave him a kiss to pacify him.

"Now, tell me what is the big emergency that means you have to go in for a sound check in the middle of your break?" She twisted a small section of her hair around her finger as she looks out the passenger window.

The summer months had come and gone, and the sky was dark gray.

"Well, I guess something happened with the board and the speakers, so they ordered all new ones. So now we've gotta re-do all the settings, blah, blah, blah."

"Why don't you just do that when you get to Europe? At a sound check or something?"

"You know how long it takes to mark the board for an entire show, Kay. No way we'd be able to fit that into a sound check."

McKayla nodded. She knew.

Inside the arena, a large stage is setup in the middle of the floor. The music echos off the walls as crew members milled around the open room. A small section of folding metal chairs is setup between the stage and the sound board. McKayla and Trace are seated there, watching as Justin half-heartedly goes through the movements, mainly focusing on the notes so the engineers could get the settings and levels correct.

"Did he do his vocal warm-up?" McKayla's voice is heard as the camera points to Trace.

"I don't know."

"He sounds a little hoarse to me."

"Maybe it's just all the singing he's had to do recently." Trace shrugged.

The two remain quiet, and when the song comes to an end McKayla speaks again.

"Babe!" She shouts.

Justin shades his eyes with his hand as he looks out into the arena.

"Did you warm-up?"

Justin smirks with a nod, and counts down to the next song.

"He's such a liar."

"How do you know?"

"I'm his wife, I know these things."

Justin is playing around with one of the male dancers now. The boys spin in a circle, and then begin to gyrate against an empty air. McKayla lets out a gasp, and the camera swivels back to Trace.

"He does know people can see him doing that, right?"

"Yeah," Trace nodded.

The event wasn't rare for Justin.

"I'm pretty sure he does."

The camera remains on him, even though McKayla turns her attention back to the stage. Trace stares past the lens, at McKayla, and a slow smile spreads over his face. Kayla can be heard faintly, singing along to the music.

"What?" She asks suddenly, becoming aware of his gaze.

"You're such a loser."

"Why?"

"Cause your getting that loser look on your face."

"What look?"

"That one you two get before you start making out. That 'I love you' look. It's gross. It looks a lot like that sex face look he gets, and that creeps me out too."

McKayla giggled, turning the camera back to Justin and zooming in on his slender form.

"Trace, I know you've been trying to get the details on it for awhile, but I'm not about to tell you about our sex life."

"Pssh, I'm not trying to hear it. Besides, hubby up there gives me all the details I want."

McKayla rolled her eyes and turned back towards the stage. "Speaking of, look at my baby. Ain't he cute?"

Trace scoffs before letting out a laugh.

"Cute ain't the word I'd use."

*~*

Late in the evening, McKayla is laying on her back, absentmindedly chewing on the cap to a plastic water bottle. Three pillows with white cases are stacked behind her back, and her glasses have slid a little down her nose. The camera shakes, and then is set on the bed in front of her, and Justin comes into view. He's wearing gray sweat pants and a white wife beater. His eyebrows knot together as he fiddles with the settings on the camera, zooming out a little so they both can be seen clearly.

"I'm going to chuck that thing out the window," McKayla said, her eyes never leaving the current issue of Cosmopolitan she's engrossed in.

"Leave my stuff alone," he whines.

He leans back against his own pillows, his head thumping against the headboard.

"So," he begins, "what was with that question you asked me earlier?"

"What question?"

"About if I liked being married to you. Why did you ask that?"

"I don't know. Just being curious." She resumed her bottle chewing.

Justin's continued to state at her, resting his head against the wooden headboard. He knew she'd give in eventually. McKayla ignored him for as long as she could. The feeling of his eyes burning into her was more than she could take. She glanced up at him, confirming that he was indeed staring. She went back to her magazine, finished a sentence, and then let out a sigh as she closed it.

"Okay," she relented. "I'm talking."

"Tell me what made you ask that."

"I don't know," she said, pulling one of the pillows from her back and into her lap. "I was just being weird."

Justin sat up a little, turning towards her.

"This isn't exactly going to work if we can't talk."

"I am talking. I don't remember."

His stare continued again.

"Okay," she sighed. "I was watching this show about marriages the other day. I don't remember which one."

"Dr. Phil," he provided. She was always watching Dr. Phil.

"Whatever. They were talking to these couples that were having problems, thinking about breaking up."

"Okay..."

"And he asked all of them, 'If you knew then what you know now, would you still get married?'"

"And...?"

This had what to do with them?

"I was wondering about if you were regretting what happened in New York, if you thought differently about things now."

Justin sighed.

"Are we back here again?"

"No, we're not back here again." She pulled her knees up and turned onto her side. "It's just been a couple of months and we've spent some time together and I don't want you, or myself, to feel like maybe it was the wrong thing to do."

"Well, if being with you is wrong, it's the right kind of wrong."

McKayla grinned, "Don't be charming."

He smirked back.

"Okay, what about this: not only are you the cutest pain in my ass, but you are also a worry wart...."

That was a vast understatement.

"...And you have nothing to worry about. I don't picture us ever regretting getting married." He picked up her hand and begin to toy shyly with her fingers. "I see us growing up, maybe settling down, your career being out of this fucking world."

McKayla chuckled, glancing away from him momentarily.

"I see good things for us, Kayla Timberlake. You know, I was talking to Lisa, and she told me that she didn't believe for a second that we would really get a divorce."

"Really? Why did she think that?"

"Because if I was willing to punch out my childhood friend over you, then it was something special."

"I always liked Lisa."

"Me too."

He let go of her hand, and pushed her glasses up on her nose.

"Maybe I don't tell you enough, but I love you."

"I love you too. And you tell me plenty."

"Good." He cleared his throat and stood from the bed. "And stop bringing me into these girly, fuckin' emotional conversations. I hate that."

The camera lifted from the bed and Justin wiggled his eyebrows before searching for the off button.

I already see us moving mountains
I already see us walking on water
I already see the clouds we're flying over and under

Silent images move over the screen. Amateur video shot from the folding chairs at Justin's rehearsal. McKayla makes her way up the stairs at the side of the stage. Justin is standing in the middle, at the mic stand, talking to Marty, his choreographer. McKayla comes up behind him, slipping one of her fingers through the belt loop on his jeans, and patiently waits until their conversation is done. When Marty leaves, McKayla tugged on Justin's pants and gave him a pathetic pout when he glanced over his shoulder.

I can really see us having babies
Walking through the park and being lazy
I already see myself falling in love eternally

He turns to completely face her, and he puts a hand on her cheek as he leans down to kiss her. McKayla's response to except his lips wholeheartedly, and to hug herself to his body when he pulls away. The camera becomes wobbly as it zooms in, McKayla's head on Justin's shoulder, eyes closed. Then she looks up at him, her hands rubbing up and down his back. Words are spoken between them, and then her head returns to his shoulder as he hugs her closer. The camera swings around, and there is Trace, putting a finger down his throat to gag himself.

And I think that's just the way it's gonna be
And I think that's just the way it's gonna be

~*~

White covers are pulled back and the camera focus' on Justin's back. His face is buried in his pillows, brown freckles covering his shoulder blades.

"Get up."

"Mmph?"

"Get up, Randall." A pillow landed square on the back of his head. He doesn't stir.

McKayla shoves him again and he burys deeper.

"Wha?"

"Get up."

"Why?"

"I'm bored."

"Go back to sleep."

"I'm not tired."

"Kay, it's early."

"It's 11:30am." After a moment of silence, his response was snoring. McKayla sighed, turning to sit next to him. She turned the camera towards herself, pursing her lips.

"Justiiin," she whined. "Get up. I'm so bored."

He continued to snore. McKayla sucked on her cheek. Suddenly her eyes turned mischievous and she glanced to her left, down at her husband. Then she set the camera on the night stand, pointed towards them. She shot a grin at the camera as she sat up on her knees. Putting one of her legs over him, she straddled his back. Her head leaned down, and a moment later Justin stirred, turning his face away from her and toward the camera. McKayla shifted her weight, leaning to the other side. Her head lowered again, and she kissed the side of his neck.

He grunted. She leaned down again, pulling his earlobe into her mouth with her teeth. He grinned lazily, and started to turn over. McKayla shifted, letting him turn his body. As he did she placed kisses along his jaw.

"Are you awake now?"

He nodded, his hands holding her bare thighs.

"You sure?" Her kisses continued.

"Yep."

"Good. Get up. I want to go somewhere. I don't want to sit around the house all day."

When she climbed off of him Justin let out a whine, reaching his hand out for her.

Sunday morning, rain is falling
Steal some covers share some skin

"Kayla, come back."

"Get up."

Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in

His arm fell back to the bed.

"Tease."

That maybe all I need
In darkness she is all I see

Justin lays in the bed, eyes up toward the ceiling. After a moment, a pillow flys in his direction, bouncing off the headboard and landing on his face. He remains still for another moment before reaching up to remove it. He leans over and picks up the camera, carrying it to the bathroom where he meets McKayla, preparing to brush her teeth. Justin records their reflection in the large mirror, as he readies his toothbrush as well. When it's ready, he set the camera on the counter and brushed with one hand while he changed the water temperature with the other hand. When it was where he wanted it, he flicked a little water at her, revenge for all her pillow tossing.

Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning

She narrowed her eyes on him, pausing in her brushing for a moment. Justin smirked and waited until she returned to her brushing, before he splashed her again. McKayla bumped his over with her hip, spitting out her toothpaste and cleaning out the brush. Justin did the same. When he turned to dry his mouth on a towel, McKayla flicked some water in his direction, and he turned to smirk at her. Water was flicked at her. Water was flicked back at him. Someone turned up the faucet and water flicking turned into a full on water fight.

And I never want to leave

In an attempt to end the battle, McKayla pushed Justin away, trying to block his hands with her body while she turned off the water. He was stronger than she was, however, and moved her away easily. The next thing she knew her hair was soaking wet, and Justin was standing back cackling to himself. Her response to tackle him to the ground. Nothing moves for a moment, and when they sit up again, they're engaged in an intense lip lock. Justin turns them over, laying her on her back on the floor.

*~*

Later on that day, Justin and McKayla have finally made their way to the car. McKayla is in the drivers seat, and Justin films out the windshield. The sky is an angry gray, and the cars on the road have their fog lights on.

"Okay, so, where are we going?"

He turned the camera towards her.

"The championship game for the West Coast division."

"West Coast Champ-? Baseball?" Justin's face appeared.

"McKaaaylaaaa," he whined.

She shrugged in response.

"Hey, how many basketball games have I gone to for you? And without complaint, might I add. Besides, it's the championship."

"Besides, it's the championship," he mocked. His statement was followed by an 'ow' as McKayla pinched him.

"Stop it," she said.

"You stop it. You're the one who's violent all the time, throwing pillows and splashing water. Get some therapy."

Later at the game, Justin and McKayla are seated in a viewing box, away from the garbage, chatter, and stares of the rest of the audience. The park was well aware of their presence however, because they'd been announced at the beginning of the game. Every so often McKayla would lean out the window and wave to the drunken men below calling her name.

Justin sat in the back with a plastic cup of beer.

"Every year she does this," he was saying to the camera. "Every year she drags me to these baseball games. I swear, baseball is so boring. A bunch of men running in a square. Ooh look, he's running in a straight line. Oh, look, he stepped on a bag and turned left. Whoopdy-do."

"Like basketball is so much better," McKayla said. "I can tell you exactly what's going to happen in the next Knicks game without even seeing it. They're going to run to one end of the court, and when they get there, guess what they're going to do. They're gonna turn around and run to the other end. And when they reach that hoop, they're gonna run back to the other end. It's like a never ending relay race with time outs."

"But they have cheerleaders."

McKayla rolled her eyes, turning back to the game.

"I don't know why they're putting in Morehus right now. His average is like .171."

Justin took a swig from his cup. "Is that good or bad?"

McKayla pulled her head in from the window and looked back at him. Her expression was shock.

"Have I taught you nothing since we met?"

The beer cup lifts again, and disappears behind the camera where Justin is.

"Can you name me Lebron's averages for last season?"

McKayla glanced at him.

"That's what I thought."

Turning back to the window, McKayla leaned out when she heard her name. Below her was a group of six or seven guys. All of them were acting as if they'd hit their alcohol limit two beers ago. They reached their hands up, screaming and hollaring.

"Randall come here," she waved Justin over. "Check out the guy right there with the body paint."

Justin stood, reluctantly, and carted the camera with him. He leaned out the window, filming the men giving his wife cat calls.

"McKayla, come here!"

"Let us come watch the game with you! We'll make it fun!"

Justin turned so he could look into the camera, "Can you believe that? Can we come up so we can make it fun?"

"JUSTIN!!!"

"And there's your adoring public now," McKayla pointed.

They both leaned their heads back out the window when the high-pitched scream echoed through the ball park. The girls, all having so far been disappointed by Justin's lack of participation, had become aware of his presence at the window.

In the presence of all my friends
You stood there holding my hand

"Justin! Marry me! I love you!!" A girl was standing up on her chair, beer in hand.

And you promise me faithfully
That you will be my only man

"Look Kay, you've got competition."

"Hmph," she shrugged. "I don't know how much competition she is. She can't stand up straight."

Yeah
Are you diggin on me?
Cause I'm digging on you

The camera switches, and this footage isn't shot by Justin or McKayla. It is instead from down in the crowd, looking up at them. Justin is filming back as McKayla waves. Eventually he sets the machine down, dropping one arm around his girl's shoulder and putting the other in the air in a wave to the drunken girl still screaming at him. Then he points and laughs to two men down on their knees, bowing and chanting, "We're not worthy." McKayla put an arm around Justin's back, hugging his side close to her. Then she dipped her head back, looking straight up at him. They speak quietly, and then Justin turns his back to the audience, sitting on the window ledge.

A blonde man steps in front of the camera, a random man, a friend of the camera man.

"How fuckin' cool is this shit?" He slurs. "Susie is gonna be so pissed she missed this game. Timberlake!! Yeah, you're the man!"

Yeah yeah yeah
I'm diggin on you now baby, yeah
Do u wanna little bit of my love?

~*~

"Our last week was my favorite part." Justin is seated on a brown and creme embroidered sofa. Behind him is a large window, green grass and active dogs in the yard. He's wearing a white tee shirt and one diamond earring. "It was McKayla's birthday and I wanted to do something nice for her, while we had some time to ourselves. Last week we spent her birthday on the road, and I wanted this one to be special."

Justin and McKayla are sitting in their big bed, Justin on his back watching the television. McKayla's sitting up with a laptop in front of her.

"Isn't this the part where we're supposed to do it?" He asks.

McKayla's quick fingers pause in her typing.

"Shut up Randall."

Justin smirks to himself, watching the television for a few moments as McKayla continues on with her work. Soon, his hand wandered over to rest on her thigh.

"Get. Off of me." Her legs moved to the side, his hand dropping to the mattress.

It becomes clear, as Justin smirks, that he knows he's done something to upset her. Whatever it was, he probably did it just so he'd have the pleasure of aggravating her now. It was a sick game he loved to play. McKayla continues typing on her computer, the television screen flashing colors of green and blue on the walls. Justin pretends to be occupied by the TV for a few moments before his hand creeps its way towards her again. As his fingertips brush her skin she pauses in her typing again, an annoyed expression crossing her face.

"Off," she commands.

Justin drops his hand with a loud sigh and a roll of his eyes.

"Okay Birthday girl, I get it, you're busy. But you know that if you weren't on that damn laptop, you'd be all over me and we'd be having birthday sex."

"You sure about that?" She questioned.

"You think something different?"

When she turned to look at him, Justin's interest was peaked.

"Okay, you tell me. If you weren't on that computer right now and I was trying to push up on you, what would you do?"

"You sure you want to hear this? Because it has to do with a vasectomy, and I'm going to get pretty graphic with the details."

"What is it?" Justin questioned. "What did I do?"

"What did you do?" Kayla asked. "What do you mean 'what did I do?'"

"What?"

McKayla sets the computer on a nearby table, raising her hands as she climbs from the bed.

"I'm not doing this," she says. "I'm not having this conversation with you. I can not believe..." her voice faded down the hall.

Justin is sitting on the bed, laughing to himself. His voice is silent, to keep from being caught. But his actions shows his hysterical amusement. He's hunched over, holding his stomach, eventually falling against the pillows as he smacks his thigh repeatedly. When he finally gathers the strength he stumbles his way over the camera, apparently perched on a table near the closet. He leans down, face-to-face with the lens and laughs again.

"She has no idea."

"McKayla thought that I forgot her birthday."

Justin leaned his head against his fist, a smirk on his face.

"I didn't forget, but I didn't want her to expect it either. I needed it to be a total surprise, so I waited until the next day to wake her up and surprise her. I made her come down stairs into the living room, and I put both her presents in these big boxes that my Mama helped me wrap. She didn't know what the hell it was. I just wanted to do something special for her."

"Why do you love me?"

The camera is shaky, and the picture is a little blurry. Clearly it is shot on someone's personal camcorder and not the expensive digital film cameras most television viewers are used too. It's Justin's voice filtering through the speakers, and McKayla is the face on the screen. She's sitting on the floor, on cream colored carpet, a green bow is stuck to the top of her head.

She looks a little different, because she isn't wearing the large amount of make-up she's usually seen in. The tee shirt covering her body is baggy, and her hair is pulled back into a ponytail.

"Because," she smiles shyly. "You're kind of cute, and you're tall."

"Anything else?" Justin's voice prompts.

"And you buy me cool things for my birthday. Like a car."

She speaks her last sentence with excitement, holding up a picture of a black Mercedes convertible. It becomes apparent that the bow on her head was part of the wrapping for a gift.

"It gets delivered on Sat-ur-day!"

"And?" He prompts again.

"And you're taking me away on a trip."

"Where are we going?"

"I don't know. You won't tell me!"

"That's right."

The camera swivels and Justin's face appears up close.

"Because my wife has a big mouth, and she would tell everybody."

McKayla's gasp is audible and the camera turns to focus on her again.

"Shut up Randall, I do not."

"You do too. If you knew where we were going you'd be on the phone right now with Shannon, and your Mom, and everyone else telling them about it. That's why I don't tell you things."

"And here I thought it was because you were trying to piss me off."

The camera turns again.

"Do I look glutton for punishment?" His eyebrow raises.

"Boy, you do that all the time."

Justin shook his head adamantly, looking into the camera.

"And Eric's not coming." He announces.

McKayla looks up from her Mercedes picture, her face a cross between blank and confused.

"Eric can't come?"

"No."

"Mike isn't coming?"

"No."

"Where can we go that we don't have to bring Mike and Eric?"

Justin snickered, "I don't know. Where?"

McKayla pouted with a smile before balling her fists and pounding them on the floor.

"Where are you taking me?!"

The scene changes and McKayla is standing on a tar mat. The sky behind her is dark gray and blue. She's wearing a turquoise bandana over her head, and a black tank top. A backpack is strapped onto her shoulders, and sunglasses cover her eyes. It's not bright enough to need them, but she wears them anyway.

"Baby, where are we?"

"Aruba!" She raises her hands and dips her head back, soaking up imaginary sun.

I really like what you've done to me
I can't really explain it
I'm so into you

Images flash over the screen, the couple standing cheek-to-cheek infront of a Turtle Burgers restaurant sign. McKayla walking along the beach, stopping every so often to pick up shells. She pauses to look out at the water, and when she notices Justin she smiles brightly and skips her way towards him. Another of Justin, heading toward the shore from the water. His bottom half clad in soaking wet white shorts, his top half bare. He kicks at the water, splashing it several feet up into the air.

You're a dream come true
Don't you ever leave my side, oh no
(Cause it feels so good)
Oh baby, oh I

The screen changes again and the camera is pointing down into a pool, golden brown legs are splashing gently, making ripples. A shadow comes over the side of the pool and the camera looks up. Justin, illuminated by the sun, is standing there. He sits next to her, his legs in the water next to her. They begin kicking again. The shadows, blurrying in the water, show McKayla leaning against him, her head tucked against his neck.

I really like what you've done to me (you've done to me boy)
Though I can't really explain it (can't explain it)
I'm so into you (I'm so into you baby, yeah)

"What are you thinking about?"

McKayla is laying on her stomach on a lounge chair, her hair in a messy bun and her cheek resting on one arm.

"Just stuff," she shrugs.

"What kind of stuff?"

"You. Last year. Us."

"Why?"

Her head lifted and she smiled.

"Because. Everything is ca-razy!"

Justin chuckled.

"Did you think we'd end up here?"

She mulled over it for a moment, poking out her lips.

"No. Did you?"

"No."

"Really?" her eyebrows knotted together. He'd always seemed so certain.

"Naw."

"Why not?"

"Cause you were gone, girl!"

McKayla laughed, turning onto her back and tossing an arm over her head.

"I wasn't gone."

"It was a 23 hour plane ride. I got cussed out in Auzzie Outback slang for ditching that New Years party-."

"Ok I get it. I was gone," she said.

They're quiet for a moment, and the camera shakes as Justin repositions himself in the chair next to her.

"Are you happy?"

She pretended to pause, looking up towards the sky as she chewed on her lip. When she took too long, Justin reached over, tickling her side. She giggled, slinking away from his fingers.

"Yes!” She cried. “Yeah, I’m happy. Are you?"

"Yeah. I got you."