“I dont give a damn bout my reputation
Youre living in the past its a new generation
A girl can do what she wants to do and thats
What I’m gonna do
And I dont give a damn bout my bad reputation”

“Oh no not me”

I sang to the radio as turned up the station as I got out of shower. Turning towards to door as I sang the next line into my hair brush,

“An I dont give a damn bout my reputation
Never said I wanted to improve my station
An I’m only doin good
When I’m havin fun
An I dont have to please no one
An I dont give a damn
bout my bad reputation.”

I stopped seeing him standing in the door frame, with that smirk of his that I was getting tired of.

Pulling my towel tigher around my body as I started to use my brush to actually brush my hair I kept eyeing him.

“What,” I finally said when he continued to look at me.

“You think that’s funny,” he questioned as the song ended.

“It was ironic that was all,” I said with a shrug remembering our situation, I guess I should explain to you guys what I mean.

You see just over a three days ago that, well you know how that one Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz Vegas movie went? Well take out Vegas and the movie stars and leave a guy who was pissed and lonely and girl who got just got dumped. Oh and well like I said take out Vegas and put us in LA, and include a bar and well. Maybe I should just tell the story from the beginning.“Would you stop staring at me,” I told him as he hadn’t moved

“I’m waiting for you to turn down the radio, it woke me up,” he said.

Rolling my eyes I turned the volume down a hare and looked at him with a are you pleased look, watching him sighed with a huff as he turned away back towards the bedroom I looked into the mirror.

Yeah I better tell ya how it all began.

So, three days ago it was a Friday or was it a Sunday? Oh at this point all I know is, that day was a day I’ll never forget no matter the date or the day of the week. But let start on Monday so you can see what really happened, or well how it happened I guess I should say.

Monday morning, I was in my office or well the make shift office on the second floor of the store I ran. You see I had decided to open my own store and sell handbags and well lately I had been doing more store and management stuff than designing any of the bags that I use to do when I first started the idea and went to school for all of this that I now had, but I digress I was happy it was everything I ever wanted and more, even if I had only opened the store part of it a year ago.

“Nicole, could I ask you something,” I heard whom I assumed was Mike one of my designers and employee’s knock on the door, or well door frame, their was no door.

“Sure come in,” I said smiling when I looked up and indeed saw it was who I thought it was.

“I, you know I love being a designer here and well,” he started to play with his fingers.

“Are you wanting to quit,” I asked him and he shook his head and looked up at me.

“I was wondering if maybe,” he started to say till his voice went soft.

Seeing a portfolio in his hands I placed my hand out to him and said, “let me see them,” and his eyes opened in shock.

“Come on Mike, whatever it is let me see them,” I said and chuckled a bit when he handed his portiflio over like it was his life line and at the moment I’m sure it was.

Opening up I started to look at all the sketches of dresses and clothing he had been doing and I smiled.

“These are, their,” I started to say trying to think of a word for them.

“You don’t have to lie,” he said and I looked up at him and shook my head as I stood up and came over to him.

“Mike, these are fantastic, is this what you want to do,” I asked and saw him nodded softly

“I cant hear you,” I said teasing him a bit.

“Yeah, I well can I tell you my idea,” he asked me.

“I’m all ears,” I said closing his book and holding it on my lap as I sat on my desk.

“You see, I’ve been working for you, for a good year or so and I love making bags but I want a line of my own ya know and well you also sell people’s art here and let them host shows to show their art and sell indie music and put up flyers for them and when they’re gonna have show and stuff. Plus, you give them most of the sellings from what does sell and,” he looked up at me as he took a breath.

“You want me to sell your stuff the same way,” I asked.

“Kinda, I mean I’d give you a bigger precent than you take from them but, I just,” he started to talk fast till I put my hand on his shoulder to stop him.

“Mike, this stuff is great like I said and I would be honored to sell your stuff and give you a name, I mean you’ve done so much for me being a desinger and helping me out, we can disccuss the business side of it later, but I wanna do one thing first before I agree to this,” I said and saw him smile.

“Anything,” he said making me chuckle.

“Whoa there Sparky, don’t just lay it out on the table like that,” I said and he nodded.

“You see well, my boyfriend Tanner is suppose to be taking me out to dinner at the end of the week and he said it was important and well, I want to I guess test run your clothes so to speak,” I said and when he looked at me with confusion I explained.

“Its one thing to make them, its one thing to show them, but it’s a totally other thing if they function if they work well, and I want to see how much creativity and work you can put up with since if you do this, it wont be a one time deal it will be a big part of your life, you ok with making clothes all the time,” I said.

Mike chuckled a bit before he opened his mouth, “I do it anyways most of the clothes you see me in are my own,” he said.

“Really,” I said with surpise re-thinking all the times I had seen him.

Seeing him nod, I smiled but still added, “I still want to do a test run, this is my company ya know,” I said and he nodded.

“I know, I guess I should have expected that I mean you look at all the art outside the shop and listen to all the bands a week or two weeks before you even start the papers to let them sell their stuff here,” Mike said.

“Right, but I do love your stuff so just make me something nice, not too dressy I mean you know me,” I said with a laugh to which he laughed at.

“Totally, I’ll have it done by Thursday,” he said

“Perfect, we can fit it that afternoon and have it ready by Firday right,” I asked him and he nodded.

“Well thank you Mike and I look forward to this, now back to work,” I teased with a wave of my finger to which Mike only shook his head at me knowing I wasn’t too serious about it as he took his portfolio back and down the stairs back to store part of the building.

--

The rest of the work week was pretty much the same I got one bag designed and sent out with a happy customer on the other side of it but other than that I was doing a lot of inventory and fianance, “Stupid yearly tax information,” I said to myself as I read the forms again, and started all the paper work for that month.

“Nick, you busy,” I heard Mike ask as he came in with a garment bag.

“Is it Thursday all ready,” I asked him and he only nodded.

“Damn where has the week gone,” I laughed as he handed me the bag.

“Just one thing, be honest if you hate tell me,” he said and I stopped as I went to go down to the bathroom to change.

Turning around I looked at him.

“Mike, show some pride man your stuff is great I wouldn’t even think about selling it or trying this on if it wasn’t,” I said as I wiggled the garment bag and headed down the stairs.

Pulling the top over my head I tightened the halter like strap in the back over my shoulders placing the button through the whole and played with the collar as I pulled the pants up and buttoned them.

The shirt was like a business collared shirt with out the sleeves and it was more low cut than any bussines but well mine would allow. It was a rich dark plum color and had one button in the neck that was actually a star I saw as I moved to look at the outfit in the little bathroom mirror.

The pants were a low rise denim that was flared out at the end the stiching and tailoring on them was amazing though. I thought of the perfect shoes for the outfit that I had at home as I pulled the bag he had also made out of it and smile when I saw the RL cursive logo with a lip print under it. Fingering it I laughed.

“Use one of my line’s bags huh,” I asked softly as I picked up my clothes and went up stairs with them and the garment bag.

“Wow,” I heard and looking over the stairs at Joy one of my main employee’s I smiled, “Mike made it,” I said and she raised her eyebrows in surprise.

“Tell him to make something for me,” she said and I laughed and nodded.

Coming into the office I saw him sitting there on pins and needles as I placed my stuff on my desk.

“Mike, I love this, and using a bag you designed for my line, nice touch,” I laughed.

“Really,” he asked coming over to make sure it fit right and sure enough it did, and there was no need to tailor it at all.

“Yes, Mike you did a fantastic job, you got the measurements and tailoring done right on the first shot and well, I know I said We’d do bussiness in two weeks but lets do it next week since this is so great,” I said with a smile.

“You wanna sell,” he asked and I nodded.

“And I heard Joy wants a outfit too,” I laughed.

“Sweet,” Mike laughed as I saw him relax some what, I pulled out some paper work I had put on file for the art people and music people and handed it to him.

“Fill these out tonight as much as you can and I’ll help you with them and we’ll take out starting your label to sell here some time next week,” I told him.

“Thank you so much,” he stated with a big smile as we shook hands.

“No thank you for giving me this opportunity,” I laughed as I told him to have a good day since he came in on his day off and than went back down stairs to change other clothes to finish the day off, totally looking forward to Friday.

--

Since I had Friday’s off I slept in and got a late brunch before I head out to get dollied up for tonight.

As I sat in the massage chair at the nail salon I remembered what Tanner had told me when he asked me out.

“Nicole we have some important stuff to talk about that I cant keep to myself anymore so Friday is important, don’t be late,” Tanner’s voice had said in my head.

Shoot be late one time and you hear it from him the rest of your life, I said in my head and my freshly waxed eyebrows raised up, “Rest of your life,” I mouthed.

Tanner wouldn’t propose to me, no not tonight. Would he? I questioned as I tried not to squrim while the lady scrubbed my feet, damn being ticklish.

It was about five when I got home while I jumped in the shower real fast and than jumped out putting lotion on my body like I did once a week every Friday night or Saturday depending I turned the radio up as I put mousse in my damn hair and towel dried it as much as I could before I combed it out and than went about setting parts of it in curlers.

Getting dress at least in my underwear I sat down on the toliet seat lid backwards and did my make up in the mirror.

Checking the clock I saw it was almost seven when I was putting my makeup bag back in its drawer under my sink.

I had to be at the resturant at eight and it took thirty minutes to get there.

“Shit, Shit, Shit,” I said as I hopped out of the bathroom stubbing my big to on the door frame and I pulled the clothes Mike had designed for me on and pulled the curlers out of my hair and threw them on the bed as I sat down and slipped on my white wedge peep toe shoes.

Grabbing my bag I stopped to look in the mirror of my closest doors and played with my hair till I heard my room mate and best friends voice.

“You look great, go before your late,” she told me grabbing me and pushing me towards the door.

“Wish me luck and I’ll see ya later tonight,” I said.

“Ya if you don’t get lucky at his place,” she laughed remembering what I had told her what I thought of at the nail salon.

“I’ll text ya if that happens,” I said.

“Ewe, I don’t want to know about you being laid,” She laughed.

“Zoey, you know what I mean,” I laughed.

She smiled and shook her head as she pushed my leather jacket into my hands and pushed me out the door.

“Tonight was a night to remember,” I told myself with a smile as I hopped into my car and drove to the restaraunt and made it there on time and still smiling as I handed my bag to the coat check.

Only thing that made me stop was when I saw Tanner wasn’t alone at the table, my smile faded as I approached them.

“Nicole,” he jumped I guess surprised I had made it on time.

I smiled at him than at the girl who just sat there with a grin on her face.

“We need to talk,” he said as he pulled the chair out of for me.

“You bet we do,” I mumbled as I sat down and looked at him as he took their girls hand in his.

It was than I saw the rock on her hand, blinking I told myself I would not cry as I rolled my neck and looked at Tanner.

“You wanted to talk so talk,” I told him as I waved the waiter away who asked if I wanted anything to drink.

Tanner stared at me for a few seconds before he took a breath in. That’s right bucko breath in because if you tell me what I think your telling me this will be your last good one when I kick you in the balls before I leave I told myself.

“This is Angie,” he stated and I looked at her and than back at him ignoring her hand out to shake mine.

Tanner saw that and rubbed a hand over his neck as he let Angie’s hand go.

“Look Nicole I didn’t mean for this to happen I you see I work with Angie we’ve known each other for a couple years and we started hanging out with a group of people at work and things just started to happen and well I asked her to marry me,” he said watching my face glare at him harder and harder the deeper he dug himself as he spoke.

“How long,” I asked.

“Nicole, that,” he started to say till I hit the table with my fist scaring him and Angie and few others as well as I spoke, “I said How long?”

“six months,” he said softly.

I blinked we had only been going out for ten months, that’s why I was scared when the proposal came to my mind earlier, even if it did love the fucker, scratch that loved the fucker, I hated him now.

“I’m sorry,” I heard Angie’s voice speak up.

I looked at her and saw her scared, and as much as I wanted to be mad at her I couldn’t she didn’t do this to me Tanner did.

“Its not your fault,” I said with a sigh.

“Its not,” she questioned.

“No, its not its Tanner’s,” I said glaring at him and watched his eyes shoot up.

“That’s right, its all your fault, you fucking played me for six months, you lied to me you,” I stopped we had still being having sex till last month.

“When did you propose to her,” I asked him.

“Last month,” he stated and I smiled at him than at Angie.

“Right,” I said with a bite to my lower lip.

Standing up I stopped Tanner with my hand as I pushed my chair back into the table.

I smiled for a second thinking I couldn’t do it, but I did it anyways.

“First off, I just want to say Congratulations,” I said with a smile pulling politeness out of my ass.

“Your not mad,” Tanner asked.

No I was mad, but this was about getting even not about being mad.

I shook my head before I bent down to take to Angie.

“Just so you know, we were still doing it till about a month ago,” I said than pulled up when she looked at me.

“Sorry Sweetheart,” I said honestly as I squeezer her shoulder and glared and Tanner.

“What you tell her,” he asked and I just shrugged with a grin as I waved goodbye and grabbed my stuff from the coat check as I heard her start screaming at him.

“So much for being engaged,” I laughed at my own bitchiness since I had a right to it at the moment as I got my car and drove to the nearest parking garage and than walked down the street to a local bar.

“Tonight’s the night to get shit face,” I smiled to myself as I remembered locking my keys in my car and getting cash out of the ATM just inside the restaurant before I left. I might get drunk but I wasn’t stupid, I’d call triple A in the morning after getting a cab home.

--

I think it had been in hour when it started to get crowded as I sipped my beer at the bar itself and tried to not get hit by all the people moving around.

“Is it always this bad on Friday night,” I mumbled to myself.

“Only till one,” I heard a voice next to me say, looking up I saw a guy with a hat on and a beard while he looked at his own beer than at me.

“Great,” I said sarcastically.

Taking my beer which was only my second for the night since I could really stand the taste of it unless I was already drunk I chugged the last part and grimaced.

“Not a beer drinker,” the same guy asked me.

“What they hell,” I questioned him looking over at him till he raised his hands up in surrender.

“Just making a statement don’t bite my ass of women,” he said.

“Than don’t say shit to me,” I said.

“It’s a free country,” he mumbled as he took the last drink of his and placed it on the table.

“Well than here,” I said giving him a twenty.

He looked up at me with a frown not getting what I was doing, “I’m paying you to shut up,” I told him and he only chuckled before he called the bartender over.

“How bout this, you do twenty dollars worth of shots with me and I’ll leave ya alone,” he stated waving the twenty I had given him to the bar tender telling him to get the Jack down.

“Fine,” I said as our empty bottles were cleared and two shot glasses were placed in front of us with the half a bottle of Jack Daniel’s.

He poured mine first than his, grabbing the shot we clinked our glasses together and drank.

“Fuck,” I groaned as the liquor burnt its way down my throat, I hadn’t had Jack since well, ok I never had it before but damn.

“Nice huh,” he laughed as he poured us again.

“To guys who cant keep it in their pants,” I said and he looked at me werid as I rasied my glass to his.

“To ex girlfriends who cant keep their space,” he added and smiled as we toasted and drank the shot, this time it wasn’t as bad of a burn.

We continued to toast and take shots and laugh stupidly as the liquor ran in our system till the last of the Daniel’s hit our throats.

“Shit,” he breathed look at me.

“All gone,” I asked watching him nodded, I bit my lip I wasn’t too far gone but for some reason I didn’t want to stop so I slid ten bucks his way as he was checking his phone.

Looking up he smiled at me.

“What you are you paying me to do now,” he asked.

I moved my mouth laughing in my head at how I could still taste the Jack in my mouth and at the same time my body was becoming numb, I was a damn light weight.

I raised my eyes and shrugged, as he took the ten and than added a some more to it before another Jack bottle totally full was placed between us.

“You guys only get this much,” the bartender told us as he used a sharpie to put a line on the bottle right at the J of the label.

I nodded as did the guy next to me.

“Fuck I don’t even know your name,” I said as he poured our drinks from the new bottle.

“Justin,” he smiled putting his hand out as he put the liquor bottle on the table.

“Nicole,” I shook his hand and smiled back, and this time instead of toasting each other we played twenty questions.

As we got the last shot he asked me, “Would you marry me?”

I looked at him and when I saw him staring back at me I shrugged.

“Oh come on, tell the truth would ya,” he asked.

“Would you marry me,” I asked back.

Looking between us as the bottle was set on the counter as he poured the last two shots, we both said it at the same time.

“Sure,” and chugging the shot with laughed afterwards as we placed the glasses on the counter, as the bartender came over and took the glasses and bottle away since we had reached our mark.

He smiled and thanked the bartender with a slur, and I guess he was as drunk as I was but I had a feeling he had been hear drinking beers a lot longer than I had before this party began.

“You’d seriously do it,” he asked me and I saw his eyes glaze over.

“What the hell are you a sap or something,” I asked and he shrugged I guess he was an emotionally drunk.

“Seriously Justin, why do you want to know,” I asked.

“That’s how they’ve all ended,” he said waving his hand in the air than made an airplane sound the next moment making it fly through they are again.

Grabbing his hand or trying to anyways I almost slipped and fell off the bar stool till he grabbed my hand and pulled me against him.

I breathed in his scent as he held me one hand on my wrist as the other on my hip to steady me.

“We wouldn’t end,” I stated in a breath making him look up at me.

--

I heard the birds, I felt the sun, I, shit I was gonna be sick, I jumped from the bed and ran to the toliet and lost well whatever was in my stomach as I looked around I began to panic this wasn’t my house this wasn’t Tanner’s.

Tanner, I started to remember last night as I heard a knock on the door my eyes still shut tight.

“You ok,” he asked and it was than I recognized the voice, fuck I said in my head what the hell did I do.

“Really come on tell me if your ok,” I heard his voice as his hand touched my shoulder and it was than I was painfully aware I was sitting in my underware only.

“Shit,” I breathed.

“You feel like shit,” he asked and I nodded I didn’t know what else to say as I heard the water run in the sink and than wet towel was placed against my forehead and I placed my head against the wall.

“Justin,” I questioned and than something clicked in my head. The voice his name and last night.

“Yea,” he asked hand on my shoulder again.

“What, When why, and yeah,” said shaking my head as I opened my eyes slowly and blinked thanking God the light wasn’t on in here and there as only a small light coming from the light in the room

“What do you want to know first,” he asked seeing me look at him it was than I noticed he was only in his boxers.

“Why do you hold your liquor better than me,” I asked and chuckled with a shrug as he pulled me up and I smelt him again and remembered more of last night which made me turn and pray to porcelain God again.

Taking the towel that had been on my head which was in my hand I wiped my mouth, we couldn’t have we.

Shit we did I said to myself seeing the well, I scrunched my nose up ugly ass ring on my finger.

“Ya about that,” Justin said seeing where my eyes were I guess as I looked up at him looking at me as he leaned against the sink in the bathroom.

--

I was now sitting on his bed in what was as I was told his room at his house, as he called his manager and talked to him and than made me to talk to him and than his mother and a few other choice people.

“So when are we getting this annuled,” I questioned him looking up at him.

“We arent,” he said not looking at me as he played with something at his desk.

“Justin,” I shouted making him jump and look up at me.

“Look I know what I said last night, and I’m sorry that they never work out but come on now man,” I said looking at him.

“This has nothing to do with what I said last night,” he stated coming over to me as he sat down on the bed.

“Than what,” I asked.

“Our life’s will be ruined if we don’t go through with this,” He said.

“Your life, will be not mine I’m sorry Justin but your in the public eye not me and hey it blew over with Bri,” I got that part out before he placed his hand over my mouth.

“I don’t want to have anything else to be compared to her with they bring her up enough already,” Justin said and I nodded as he let his hand go.

“But,” I started to say till he stopped me with his words.

“You know how they are if you know how they were with her, they’ll dig you in this too, and I don’t want to see your company go under,” He said making me look up at him.

“My, how did you know,” I asked him.

“I checked it out with Jessica before well,” he waved his hand and I nodded as he continued.

“But I had someone make a bag for my mom for her birthday a month ago,” he said.

“You don’t know who designed it,” I asked him.

He shook his head, making me laugh.

“She loved it though,” I asked him and he nodded.

“Good,” I said as looked at the ring on my hand again and made the same face.

“You don’t like that ring do you,” he asked me making my head shoot up and look at him.

“Its pretty, but I’m not a big rock kind of girl,” I said taking off and looking at it.

“It was my great grandmothers,” he said soflty.

“Oh, sorry ,” I said.

“Don’t be I mean its not my taste to give to someone either,” he said watching me finger it.

“Than why,” I asked.

“She said to give to someone I loved,” he shrugged and it was than I stopped playing with and put it on his leg.

“I cant wear that than,” I said softly

“Come at Nicole its,” he started to say till I shook my head at him and crossed my arms on my chest.

“I don’t even want to do this Justin, and I don’t, I cant lie to people,” I said to him.

“But that’s what were gonna have to do,” he said.

“Shit,” I said realizing he was right, at least people outside the family and real close friends since hey kinda already knew.

“Shoot, hold on,” I said going towards my bag and going to my cell phone I totally forgot to call Zoe last night.

“Its dead,” I said and than thought well I guess that’s what I get for playing Tetris on my phone at the bar for an hour.

“I need to make a call,” I said looking at him as he handed me his cordless phone and I blushed.

“I’ll leave you to that I’m gonna go shower,” he said as he placed the ring on the table he had been sitting at when he made his phone calls earlier.

Calling our aparemtnet number I heard I ring twice before someone came on the line.

“NICOLE,” I heard her question.

“Yeah Z, its me,” I said.

“Fuck where are you I was worried sick, I tired your cell, I called Tanner,” she said.

“Did he tell you,” I asked.

“Tell me what,” she asked.

As I went to tell her about Tanner and Angie I heard a click in the background but didn’t think anything of it as I contiued my story till I got to the bar.

“Fuck he’s an asshole,” Zoey said.

“Yeah, I know that’s why I had to tell Angie that he wasn’t as innconet as he seemed ya know,” I told her and as she asked me what happened next.

I told her about the bar I told her bout the Jack Daniels and than I stopped, I had gotten to the last question when I took and breath and picked up the ring that had been on my finger and looked at it again.

“What else,” she asked.

“What do you mean what else,” I asked trying to play dumb.

“Nicole, there has got to be some reason why your at his house and not at our apartment, and it better be cause got some good loving last night,” she said with a laugh.

“I think we passed out before that even happened,” I said with a chuckle.

“Why do you say that,” she asked.

“Well I woke up in my underware and him in his and,” I said taking a breath.

“And what,” she said.

“We both had rings on our left hands,” I said and cringed a little as I heard my voice go up as I said it the same way I had told my mom this morning when Justin told me to call my family after he did his.

“Nicole Lane,” She said using my First and last name.

I shrugged even though she could see me as I heard her take all this in.

“Are you getting it annuled,” she asked me.

I shook my head before I answered her, “ No,” I said soflty.

“Why,” she questioned me.

“He says it would look bad that he doenst want something to compare him to britney he doesn’t want to risk me losing my business because people being judgemental,” I said in a breath.

“Did you at least get a good ring out of it,” she asked me.

“ZOE,” I said making her laugh.

“Well did you,” she asked.

“Well, it’s his great grandmother’s ring but you know me I had a ring in mind already when I was like in high school even before I dated anyone.

“Well you’ve only dated and been with Tanner,” Zoe said.

“Don’t remind me,” I sighed as I picked at my nails.

“So your’s compared to the one you got,” She asked.

“You wont rest till I tell you will you,” I asked her.

“Nope,” she said.

“Well you know how mine was a sliver band, this is gold, mine had three small cut stones in the band this as two medium ones and a gaint ass one in the middle,” I shad with a chuckle.

“Its all dimonds huh,” she asked.

“yes,” I said with a gross tone to my voice.

“What did you want again,” she asked.

“One stone my birthstone, one dimonad since its tradition to have it and than the other his brithstone,” I said playing with the ring again and using the back side to imagine my ring I had in mind since I was a girl.

I sang to the radio as turned up the station as I got out of shower.

Oh, right I guess we were already at this part but I guess I should give you some backing here to why Justin got pissed at this song, unless you guessed it already. I mean he said he didn’t want our lifes ruined by this by I guess getting a bad repuation or whatever. I guess if that was a joke I just killed it with explaining the punch line huh but anyways.

In the past three days, the media had gone crazy since some how they got when of it. I don’t know maybe it was the whole him showing up at my shop and handing me a key to his place, and than me moving in to his place after that that made them I guess a little curious and another reason why Justin had given me a simple sliver band to replace as the ring that he had given me earlier. Just to cover our asses he said.

Though, I had told him to give his great grandmother’s ring to the actual girl he fell in love with or better yet make it into some type of necklece and give it to his daughter if he ever had one for her sixteenth birthday.

So that’s about what happened and how we got here. I was getting ready to go to work when I heard Justin call me from down stairs.

“What,” I said as I was buttning my shirt as I picked out my shoes and pulled my shirt out of the closet we now shared. We slept in the same room, but at different sides of the bed.

Most nights anyways there were mornings I woke up and we were tangled into each other, he always said he knew I wanted him cause of that and I always said it was him who wanted me and slapped him upside the head every time.

“What,” I said again when I didn’t here him call back only to jump as I say him standing there leaning agasint the bedroom door.

“Scare the shit out of me why don’t ya,” I said as I placed my shirt on my bed and bent down to place my heels on the floor.

Standing back up I felt him grab my hips, and pull me to him.

“What are you doing,” I asked trying not to let the smell of him get to me like it always did some how.

“What am I doing, what are you doing here in just your shirt and under wear,” he said to my ear.

“Getting dressed for work,” I said with a breath as he turned me around.

“Sure,” he said.

“Its true, Justin I have to go in for a meeting, with the loan company,” I said.

“What your not in trouble are you,” he asked.

“No, I just have to show them around give them figures let them no their getting their money since I was late last two months because I spaced the damn date,” I said as I tried to move but he held my hips against him still.

“Oh, ok,” he said still not moving.

“Justin, come on I need to get to work,” I said.

Justin looked at me and than nodded as he let me go, “What is with you anyways,” I questioned and he looked at me.

“Nothing why what’s up your butt,” he asked me.

I groaned I was getting tired of this, one moment he was my friend the next he acted like he was gonna jump my bones, and than there was this, Mr. moody.

“Justin I don’t have time for you mood swings today,” I said as I picked up my skirt from the bed.

I heard him grumble as he said a few choice curse words before he left the room and I heard him stomp down the stairs.

“REAL MATURE,” I yelled at him as I slipped my skirt up and pushed my heels on.

Walking down the stairs I stopped as I went to zip the skirt up but it stopped half way up,

tugging it didn’t move up or down.

“Shit,” I said and played with it again only to jump when I felt hands on my stopping me.

“Your blouse is stuck in it stop,” Justin said pulling my hands away from the zipper and playing with my shirt.

I felt the shirt pull a little till it was released and I felt Justin’s hand moved to tuck the shirt in but what I didn’t expect is when he when to move his hand back out he grasped my ass and than let his fingers slid up it slowly.

I swallowed slowly trying not to let it get to me as I heard and felt my zipper close all the way and his hands than rested against my hips like before.

“Thanks,” I breathed out.

“No problem,” he said than pulled my hand with him towards the kitchen.

As we got in there I saw eggs and toast and bacon on a plate with OJ and coffee.

“Justin,” I said looking at him.

“Look I’m sorry ok, I just I don’t know what I’m doing anymore,” he said hold my hips again but this time facing me.

“Your making a good impression,” I said with a smile making him smirk.

I leaned to his cheek and kissed it as I told him thank you and let me him pull out my chair as I sat down and he sat across from me at the table and we ate in silence.

With the loan people off my back the week was spent getting the business side of Mike’s line dealt with to show in my store.

We had filed the papers away and were setting up a time next week to do a small party to showcase the new line in the store and to celebrate how proud I was in Mike, and heck who could say no to a party.

Right now I was sitting alone in Justin’s house since he had been out since early this morning but I sat at his piano in the living room as I touched the keys softly.

I had learned in college but only had a dinky keyboard that was still at my mom’s house since I never really played it.

But Feeling like I need to play it again, I cracked my fingers even though I’m sure if my piano teacher saw me do it she’d lecture me about it like she had when I was in her class those couple years ago.

Tinkering around with sounds and stuff I started to play a song and sang softly with it,

Taking a breath as I started getting lost in the song I continued to play, I forgot how easy it was to get lost in the moment, just letting the music take you away.“Feel this
Can you feel this
My heart beating out of my chest
Feel this
Can you feel this
Salvation, under my breath

Let go, let go and believe,

let go, let go and believe,

let go, let go and believe,

let go,”

I took one last break before I sang the chorus one last time,Feel this
Can you feel this
My heart beating out of my chest
Feel this
Can you feel this
Salvation, under my bre-eath .”

As I let the piano and the room become quiet I heard the noise of foots steps stopping behind me, turning around I saw Justin leaning against the wall towards the kitchen with a smile on face and look of awe in his eyes, the feet I heard were actually his mother’s who had just stopped behind him with a some what of a question look on her face about what she had missed.“How long were ya standing there,” I questioned him.

“Long enough,” he smiled more and than feeling his mom behind him or guess rememeber she was there he pulled her to his side.

“Mom, I’d like you to meet Nicole, my wife,” he said with eyebrows raising a little at the wife part.--

Lynn and I talked as Justin ordered up some food declining when his mother said she could cook.“Not like there is anything in there worth cooking,” I said softly making Lynn chuckle as Justin grabbed the phone but not before he gave me a look out of the corner of his eyes.

I watched Justin for a second than turned to look at Lynn as she dug through her purse, it was very familiar looking, it hey there was an RL logo with the lip print on the corner.

I smiled, should I tell her I designed her bag. Biting the inside of my bottom lip I felt Justin sit next to me and place the phone down on the counter.

“What you order,” Lynn asked.
“Just your basic Italian; Pasta with bread sticks and side salads,” he said as he showed the Olive Garden menu that he held in his hands before he placed it next to the phone.

I watched Lynn nodded as she placed her hands on top of her bag.

“Justin said, he got that purse made for you,” I spoke all of a sudden. Seeing Lynn’s eyes shoot up at me I cringed and placed a hand over my mouth and only felt my self turn red as she cracked a smile with a laugh.

“I told you she’s the creator and owner of Roxy Lane, right,” Justin asked placing a hand to my hip and pinching my side making me look over at him and he just smiled back.

“No, oh wait was that what you were talking about on the way here,” Lynn asked as it was her time to blush.

“You weren’t listening,” Justin asked.

I bit my lip trying to hide my smile at the way Justin sounded hurt but in his face you knew he was just being a brat and milking it.

“Justin, I was too, I just well,” she shrugged and I couldn’t help it as I laughed and saw Lynn just smile with me.

“I feel rejected,” Justin said only making me laugh louder.

“Come on honey, look I’m sorry but don’t tell me you never tuned me out,” Lynn asked and I stopped laughing, but my smile was still on my face when Justin looked from his mom to me and kept quiet.

“Thought so,” She laughed and only shook her head.

“So your made up the company that made my bag huh,” she smiled at me.

“Yeah, and I made it too I think, that was the one with the sweater and the powder blue skirt and old belt right,” I asked.

Lynn smiled and nodded as she pulled the bag up and turned it around and showed it like she was Vanna White on Wheel of fortune with those letters.

“Cool, cool, I thought so it looked familiar,” I said.

“Well I’m glad its lovely and I love it,” Lynn smiled.

“Its what I do,” I said as I felt Justin place his hand on my leg and squeeze it, making me turn to look at him.

“Among other things, like how come you never told me you could sing and play the piano like that,” Justin added finally speaking again after his whole being rejected speech.

“You never asked,” I said making Lynn laugh as Justin stared at me in shock.

“What its true, and don’t stare at me like that your face will freeze like that and than what will all your fans say,” I said and Justin’s eyes closed down to glare ad me with this smirk on his face.

“You two are just adorable,” I heard Lynn laugh as she stood up from her table and headed towards the stairs, saying she was gonna take a nap and that she’d just reheat her food later when she got up if she was hungry.“You hear that my mom thinks were adorable,” Justin said making his face wave back and forth in mine as he said the last part.

“You’re a-dorkable,” I said as I went and stood up from the Island in the middle of the kitchen and went to the fridge.

“You ok with my mom being here right,” Justin asked as I pulled a water out and waved it to ask him if he wanted one before I closed it, seeing him shake his head I only pulled mine out.

“Of course not, I mean come on she’s your mom I just I don’t want her to hate me for getting you in this,” I said waving my hands around at us.

He nodded before he placed his hand on mine that held my bottle cap as I took a quick drink.

“I think she’s just glad were being as much adults as we can in the situation,” he said.

I nodded myself than not sure if that was why, thinking maybe she was wishing her baby boy would stay married, even it was to me.

I bit my upper lip as Justin still held my his hand on mine.

Looking up I saw him looking at me as I released my lip, “What,” I asked and he just shook his head taking his hand and pushing my hair away from my face.

He than took a breath, “Actually I,” he started to say when I looked at him.

“We have an interview on Ellen,” he said looking at me.

“When,” I asked not really thinking till what he said next hit me like a load of bricks.

“Tomorrow,” he said in a whisper and let my hand go as he made face like he was afraid I’d hit him.

“Tomorrow,” I asked him with raised eyebrows.

He only nodded.

“You knew about this when,” I asked him.

“Uh, like the same time we knew my mom was coming to visit for a week,” he stated.

“You knew since last week,” I asked him.

“Well I was gonna tell you but you were with the loan company all day and,” he started till I placed a hand over his mouth.

“Not an excuse, Justin when something involves us, you need to talk to me ASAP ok,” I asked him and saw him nodded behind my hand.

“So what do I wear,” I asked as I pulled my hand way from his face and he only shook his head but got up the moment he heard the door bell.

“Food’s here,” he smiled.

Watching his retreating form I sighed, what was I gonna do it was one thing with Justin’s mom since she knew the truth, but lying to Ellen, lying to everyone else.

Shit, I said to myself as Justin brought the food in and at that moment I didn’t feel like eating a single bite for the rest of my life.

Did I tell you when I get nervous I get fidgety? Well than I was officially nervous lol, because fidget was my middle name and it had come out to play. I watched with wide eyes as we were pulled from the car this morning as we got to the studio, and even though Justin was holding my hand the entire way I felt like the only thing he was doing was dragging me to my death.

“If you don’t stop moving I’m gonna do something so you have something to do with those arms and legs till the sun goes down,” Justin’s voice entered my ear as he finally sat down next to me after we had been sepearted to do go to makeup and get our mic packs on.

My hands stopped moving and only because he grabbed them with his statement as I looked up at him he gave me a shit face grin making me laugh a little but not enough to keep my legs from looking like Mexican jumping beans.

“Nicole what is the problem,” he whispered to me seeing the I guess fright in my eyes.

“I hate lying,” I said looking up at him than back at my legs and the continued to do their dance till I felt myself be pulled off the couch and over on to Justin’s lap.

He looked at me still holding my hands as he did so.

I was about to bite my lip again, I guess another thing I do when I’m nervous when all a sudden his lips found mine.

At first I didn’t know what to do, but it was than my body took over and when Jusitn let my hands go they went to his shoulders and than up through his hair I felt him make a soft almost groan as I pulled against what little curls were there.

Pulling apart after a second my forehead lean on his when I went to question why he did that when I heard her voice.

“Their you two are, “ Ellen said and before I even took a look at Justin I knew why he had done what he’d done, he saw her and had to start the show I took a breath as I pulled back from him and stood smiling at Ellen as she pulled me in for a hug.

“Nice to meet you,” I said with a laugh as she let me go.

“Oh nice to meet you, too,” she said and than added, “I was waiting for the girl to take him off the market since I couldn’t do it myself,” Ellen laughed and I did too feeling Justin come up behind me and like he always did hold my hips in my hands but for some reason this time he didn’t press his body against mine like he did when we were home.

“So I’m gonna have one guest before you guys since were gonna interview them than we’ll be closing the show with their performance so just relax and all that, I’m sure you guys are in that honeymoon stage still so just let me leave you too alone now I’ll see you in like twenty on the set,” she explained than hugged us each one more time.

When the door to our little area closed behind her I went to move to sit on the couch again when Justin grabbed at my waist and turned me against me.

Before I could think he wrapped his hand around my waist and pulled me against him and held me tight.

I opened my mouth to say something and than tried to pull back to look at him but he wouldn’t let me, he just started to rub my back.

It was than I bit my upper lip and let my head rest against his shoulder.

--

“Ladies first I know we know its official, Justin Timberlake is off the market,” Ellen said than making a sad face she continued.

“I knew I should have made my claim when he was single,” she said making the audience laugh and than I heard her introduce us and as we came out I hugged Ellen first and than Justin did and than trying to get back to our seats we got tangled up into each other and we finally pulled apart laughing as we made it to our seats.

“So first I need to see the ring obiviously,” Ellen said and everyone cheered but I flinched a little as I fingered the simple sliver band and was about to hold my hand out to her when Justin grabbed it and held it.

“Actually Ellen,” Justin told her making me look at him as did Ellen.

“We acutally got married in a rush when we did, I guess call it passion or poor planning but the ring I wanted to give her just got finished being ready yesterday so if I could,” he said pulling a box out his jacket pocket and getting off the couch he kneeled in front of my with a cheesy grin on his mug.

I wanted to laugh but I couldn’t as my eyes raised up with a smile on my face as he said, “Nicole I know we haven’t known each other long but I cant deny you have made me feel like no one else has made me feel in my life, and I need you to know I love you and that we will last,” he took a breath as he went to open the box, my mind reliving the night we met and how after our game I told him what he had just said, or at least that we wouldn’t end.

Though what stopped my train of though was when that box popped open and their sat the sliver band, with three tiny stones in it. My birthstone, a diamond and his birthstone, I gasped it was my ring, but how did he. My mind played the last time were the ring was talked about, the click I heard on the line, he listened in the bastard.

I wasn’t angery I was amused but as I saw him looking at me I shook my head, “Shit sorry what,” I said and heard Ellen chuckle as did the audience.

“I said, will you marry me again, with all our family and friends,” Justin said.

A real wedding, I didn’t know what to say I; I felt my head moving in a nodded and saw him smile

“I love you,” I heard him say and even though I knew in the back of my mind he was saying it in referance of going along with this, my heart rate picked up just a little when he said it.

“I love you,” I said meaning the same way I thought he meant mine. Being grateful that we had each other at this moment.

Seeing the ring being taken out of the box he stopped as he took the sliver band off my finger and stuck it on his pinkie.

“Look in the inside,” he said tilting the ring to me.

I felt a tear drop than another as I read the inscribed words, “We wont end.”

He placed the ring on my finger and pulled me off the couch as he stood. He took a thumb to my cheeks as he wiped my tears.

“I didn’t want you to cry,” he said softly but still heard by all.

“But ya did, ya dufus,” I said with a slight smile as I heard the audience and Ellen laugh.

“Their happy tears though,” I heard Ellen say with excitement making me laugh as I looked at her and the audience too as Justin continued to smile at me.

“Yea their happy tears,” I said and blushed when I felt Justin kiss my temple than my cheek.

--

The interview had gone off pretty well, I didn’t necessarily lie to anyone but when Ellen asked something and it sounded good enough I just nodded and smiled or said yeah, softly.

I sat on the patio in the backyard on a lawn chair my legs out in front of me as I watched the sun set for the day.

“You ok,” I heard him ask from the glass sliding door.

I nodded as I didn’t look back as I continued to watch the sunset.

“Really Nicole, or are you just still interview mood,” He asked and I turned and look at him as he stepped on to the patio and came to sit at the end of my chair moving my legs up only to place them in his lap once he got comfortable.

“I know your quiet but not that quiet,” he said.

I brought my lips together and looked away from him for a moment before I went to open my mouth but he said something before I could.

“Is this about the kiss,” he asked me his fingers playing with the skin on my ankle.

I shook my head, “I know that was about Ellen being in sight,” I said and took a breath.

Justin went to say something but I didn’t register it or I guess I didn’t want to hear it, as I saw him stop half way into what he wanted to say as I continued.

“I just, was surprised by the ring and I don’t know,” I said holding my finger up to show him than looked down at it.

“I didn’t kiss you cause I saw Ellen,” he said and I guess he wanted me to hear.

I looked up at him and he looked back at me with a soft gaze.

I didn’t say anything when he pulled me up out my seat and than turned and sat so I was sitting in his lap again.

I started to bite my lower lip as he ran his fingers against my cheek, we both stared at one another.

“You listened into my phone call,” I said softly a moment later as we hadn’t moved.

His faced moved into confusion for a moment before he saw the ring on my finger as I moved my hand to rest on his shoulder.

He smirked, “Sorry, I just,” he shook his head.

“You wanted to cover your ass, with whatever I said,” I asked.

“No, I was just being nosy,” he said making me chuckle.

“Thank you,” I said and when he looked at me in confusion I smiled at him.

“The ring," I said tapping his shoulder with the finger that held it.

He smiled as he leaned forward slightly and my legs went behind him on the chair.

Taking my hand in his he looked at it as he rubbed his thumb on the inside of my palm, he than took my hand up and kissed it before he said, “Hey if were gonna do this for a year we need ya to have the ring you were meant to have.”

I only smiled at him as the sun finished setting, and I guess I was just content in that moment.

“I didn’t kiss you cause I saw Ellen,” he said

Justin’s voice repeated in my subconscious as I opened my eyes the neck morning and felt Justin’s hand on my hip as his head rested just slightly on my shoulder and the pillow we shared.

He didn’t kiss me cause he saw Ellen, my mind finally comprehended.

I looked over at him still sleeping, it was early and he wouldn’t be up for awhile, but at that moment I couldn’t sleep no more as the actually meaning of that statement acquired to me.

I went to pull away when I got half way out of bed before I heard him speak, I guess he wasn’t really asleep.

“Its six in morning, on a Friday unless your going to restroom where are you going,” he questioned placing is hand on mine.

“I’m not tired anymore,” I lied as I went to get up but his fingers laced with mine and pulled me back as I moved to get up.

Looking back at him as my butt hit the bed when I tired to get up he just stared at me.

“What,” I asked.

“I was gonna ask you the same question,” he said making me sigh.

I leaned towards the night stand to take a drink of my water that I had gotten last night, I placed the water back on the table when I felt him pull me and being caught of guard I was pulled till I laid on top of him with a oomph of breath coming from his mouth.

“You pulled me,” I said giving him a look when I landed on him.

“You fell on me,” he said and I just rolled my eyes at him as I went to move but he held my hip with his free hand.

“Nicole talk to me,” he said.

I looked at him than and than looked at the pillow next to him, what was I suppose to say that my brain dense mind finally now connected what you said last night.

Taking a sigh I just place my head on his shoulder.

“I’m tired now,” I said closing my eyes.

Waiting for him to say something I was shocked when he let go of my hand and just placed his fingers in my hair and ran them through it and placed his other had that was on my hip against my lower back, and didn’t say a word.

--

When I woke up later I was by myself but the bed was still warm so I hadn’t been by myself long, turning over I jumped when I saw him sitting on the chair in the corner staring at me over his paper.

“Morning sleepy head,” he said than went back to his paper.

“What time is it,” I questioned as I stretched, feeling my body pull at sore muscles from the past couple days at work getting Mike’s line its place in the shop, as well as the up keep of more bussiness since people found out I married Justin.

“Almost eleven, did you want to go get some brunch,” he asked as I sat up in the bed and rubbed my hand through my hair.

I just shrugged as my ring got caught in a knot and pulled till came out with slight pain, I felt him stare at me as I looked the other way. Biting my lip I knew I should say something I knew that it was better that I didn’t than keep it inside.

“Are you gonna talk to me about yesterday or not,” he asked placing his paper down.

I looked up at him in question and he chuckled a bit, “I saw you staring at my lips this morning before you decide not to talk to me and I figured you probably realized what I had said,” He explained as he stood up and sat down next to me.

“Than why,” I asked.

“Why what,” Justin asked and I looked up at him slightly annoyed.

“What did you kiss me,” I questioned and jumped when he moved till he hovered in front of me.

“Why not,” he questioned coming closer to me and I laid down trying to get away, but I guess that’s what he had planned as he crawled up over me and his legs rested on either side of mine. His hands placed on the mattress on either side of my shoulders.

“Justin, we.. I ,” I could think of anything to say.

I felt him lower his body closer to mine till he barley supported himself with his elbows that now were on the mattress as his fingers on his left hand ran up and down my neck.

I bit my upper lip than my lower lip, I couldn’t do this it was wrong and as much as I had said we wouldn’t end as much as I didn’t want to hurt him, I knew this, us we wouldn’t last this wasn’t real, I couldn’t let myself get caught into whatever it was, whatever this happening right now was.

My mind flashed to Tanner, and even if it was real, I could risk that happening again.

“Justin, stop get off I can’t,” I said pushing at him and sitting up but before I could move totally off the bed, his arm rapped around my waist and held me against him as his head rested on my shoulder.

“I’m not gonna make you do anything, you don’t want to Nicole,” he said to my ear.

I bit my lower lip and breathed for a second, not make me do anything yea right that was a lie.

“You’re a fucking lair,” I said and he jumped as I tore my body away from him and the bed.

“Not gonna make me do anything he says,” I mocked as I turned to look at him.

“You choose to keep this together,” I said showing him my left ring finger.

“YOU FUCKING CHOOSE, NOT ME,” I shouted.

“Nicole I,” Justin started getting up to talk till I pushed him down and took the ring on my finger off and looked at it, the one I had always wanted, the one that had lost all its meaning now.

“No, I’m done Justin you keep saying this is about us, but its not I never had to deal with this much work at the store this much media attention, I had to buy fucking drapes for my store so I wouldn’t see flashs coming in every time I had to talk to a client or a employee, my life and my reputation changed cause I went along with this, not yours, if anything yours only got better, I get rude comments from strange women because they think I stole you from them, I thought they were phsyco at first, but you know what’s even more crazy,” I asked him but he just stared.

“That I even let myself get this far in,” I said and turning to go to the closest I let the ring fall from my grasp as I picked up a empty suitcase that hadn’t been put away and pulled it to the doorway and went straight for my side and started pulling stuff off hangers and shoved them into the bag, not caring when hangers flew and one hit me in the head.

“Its MY FAULT,” I heard him growl from the doorway but I didn’t look up, I continued to put clothes in my bag till he pulled me away from them and pushed me to look at him.

“Who gave me the ten after our first game was up,” he said looking at me with eyes almost dark as steal.

“Who started the game,” I countered and heard him grunt under his breath.

“Fuck, don’t you see Nicole this was both of us,” he said throwing his hand in the air.

“Maybe when I was drunk,” I said sarcastically as I went to move and continue to pack but Justin grabbed me and held me even when I fought him.

“Would you let me go,” I said with a cry as he placed my arms to my sides and held my sides too.

“Look at me,” he said as I looked anywhere but.

“LOOK AT ME,” he growled making me jump and finally do so.

“If you were drunk if that was all it was, than why did you care about my repuation about my life, why didn’t you say anything when I said this was how it was gonna have to be, for the best for both of us,” Justin challenged he wanted to say I cared, in at least some way, because he knew it was true.

My eyes shift for a second before turning to look at him as I took a breath through my nose and made a noise like Marge Simpson would when she was frustrated at Homer.

“If you were drunk,” he stated a second later looking me straight in my eyes.

“Why did you say we wouldn’t end, why did you kiss me back,” he said.

I felt my heart beat faster as I didn’t say anything as I felt his heart beat a little faster too.

Why did I kiss him back, I don’t know it was instinct I guess, why did I said what I said, even if I was drunk at the time.

“Justin, I don’t know, I,” when I went to explain how I like had said earlier a couple weeks ago. I just didn’t know what I was doing. But before I could his lips crashed on to mine, I tired to fight to get out what I wanted to say but his lips wouldn’t let me get a word out, and I started to kiss him back forgetting what was really the point anymore and as we kissed his hands let mine go as his hands were placed on either side of my face as he held my face and deepened the kiss.

I hadn’t realized we were going anywhere till I felt my body press up against the back wall of the closet, my leg moved to the side when his moved between mine and pressed his body fuller up agasint mine pushing his hips in a roll against mine as I played with the hair at the nape of his neck.

We kissed till we couldn’t breath and only pulled apart enough far enough to catch our breathes as he leaned his head on my shoulder.

“Justin,” we heard his mom call from the hallway, she was leaving tomorrow, but right now she was coming towards us. “Shit,” I heard him curse and felt his breath on my throat at the same time he let me go, but than pulled me out of the closest by his hand and shutting the closet door, as we walked into the room at the same time Lynn did.

“You guys ok,” she asked looking at us with a smirk.

“Yea yea, just cleaning out the closet,” Justin said making Lynn laugh but stop when she saw what I was eyeing on the floor.

Watching her pick up my ring, being closer she smiled as she handed it to me, “Don’t want to loose that do we,” she said.

“No, no,” I said taking it and placing it back on my finger as Justin watched us before he shook his head and said, “You were calling me,” he asked.

“Yea I wanna take Nicole out here, I was gonna ask if you knew where she was and well obiviously,” she said as she waved and than took my hand and pulled me closer to her than Justin.

“You wanted to take her out,” he asked with a eyebrow raise.

“Ya, talk, shop, ya know women stuff,” she said making him groan.

“Fine fine, go have fun,” he said and when I looked at him and he took my hand and squeezed it and wiggled my ring back and forth and squeeze my hand again before he let go and I was taken away by Lynn for what I knew was a day of a mother telling me what she wants best for her son, and in the end since this whatever it was she caught us in wasn’t real, it wasn’t me that was best.

The ride to wherever we were going was so far quite as I played with my ring and looked out the window and thought about what had just happened, the arugement, the kiss. I placed my finger tips to my lips still feeling his against mine.

Even though I had never been with anyone but Tanner and kissed anyone but Tanner, kissing Justin was something else. It was like you know how when you watch those sappy romance movies and you just feel your heart beat in your chest as they finally kiss for the first time and just I don’t want to say but swooen with them.

I’m becoming an emotional sap here, I shook my head as Lynn pulled into a local diner and parked her car.

Getting out we headed inside and the moment we sat down, we order our drinks and than were left alone to look at the menus.

Both of us looked over our menus as I read the description for what I wanted for the fifth time and ran my tounge on the inside of my cheek, tasting of all things Justin’s mouthwash, making me relive the kiss with a smile to my face.

Looking up I saw Lynn smile at me as I blushed.

She had placed her menu down so I followed suit and as the waiter came and took our orders and our menus back we stared at each other for a second before Lynn chuckled a bit.

“Nicole, did you want to tell me what happened in the closest,” she said and I rasied my eyebrows and a slight smile came to my lips but I turned it away fast not sure if I was allowed to, obviously Lynn knew something was up.

I bit the inside of both my lips before I opened my mouth and took a breath, but before I could say anything at all Lynn explained something to me.

“I’m only wondering because well, I heard what you said, and I heard what he said and than it went quiet, and,” Lynn shrugged and blushed.

“You heard us,” I said with a grimace, I guess the walls in his house were thinner than I thought.

She nodded and took my hand in hers, “I know this situation is tough, on both of you and I know even if he wont admit it you’ve probably made a few more adjustments than he’s had to in the past month or so, and that might not be totally fair but I have to say thank you for not breaking his heart and just leaving him out to dry,” Lynn said than padded my hand and moved hers off the table as our food arrived.

Taking a drink of my soda after I had ate part of my sandwhich, I looked up at Lynn and said, “I don’t want to come off as a bad person, and I don’t want him or you to think that I feel like this was all his fault or anything, and I know that even though it seems like I’ve made more adjustments he’s made a lot to, he let me move into his room, share his space, gave me this when he didn’t have to,” I said ending softly as I looked at the ring.

“What’s on your mind,” Lynn asked as she dipped a fry in her ketchup.

I tapped my foot on the floor of the diner as I did my finger on the table, yeah I was nervous again what else was new.

“Why did Justin feel the need to give this to me, to write what he wrote on the inside of it, if,” I took a breath and willed myself not to cry as I thought of the ring and looked at it again than back a Lynn who had a soft smile on her face.

I didn’t know what to say after that and stayed slient after a moment, Lynn cleared her throat, “You wanna know that if this was just a game, or whatever it is, than why does it feel so real, why did he make it real with that,” She asked.

I looked at her with sorrow in my eyes as I thought for second.

“Does this, “ I said fingering my ring finger.

“Make it real,” I asked and she just shrugged.

Did the symbol of the ring, the factor that he had given it to me when this wasn’t suppose to stay forever, that this wasn’t real it was just a way to keep our lifes moving on with out the roll coaster breaking down.

Why was it at the same time I thought that yes it made it real, at the same time I knew in my heart it didn’t, in one way or another.

--

After the heated or at least emotionally disccusion about me and Justin was cleared away me and Lynn actually talked about random stuff and just laughed and had a good time as we window shopped around at local outlets and bought a few things.

Coming home later that night I was surprised when I spelt food cooking in the kitchen.

“He’s making his Grandfather’s sausage gumbo,” Lynn smiled as I placed my things on the living room table.

As she came over to me I smiled, “Thank you Lynn, I,” was all got out when she hugged me and patted my back.

“Nothing to it hun, just promise me this,” she said and felt me nod.

“If you might have to break his heart, do it gently its already fragile,” she said softly as she let me go and headed up stairs, and smiled to me one last time before she disappeared down the hall to her room to pack.

I felt myself breath in deep as I listened to what she had said, I honestly didn’t want to break his heart, and I didn’t want to have mine broken either.

Smelling the room again I walked to the kitchen and giggled a little bit as I saw him moving around to his own beat as he had an apron around his waist and dropped some spices into the pot.

“Should I be scared,” I asked with a teasing tone to my voice as he jumped I guess not realizing I was there but turn to look at me as he realized what I said and pointed his spoon at me with a look before he turned back to stir the pot.

I didn’t move for a second till Justin spoke after a second and pulled a spoon of Gumbo out of the pot.

“Come here and taste this,” he said as he waved his free hand towards him and kept the spoon over the pot as it dripped.

“You wanna make sure it has enough poision in it,” I questioned and he gave me a strange look before he chuckled.

“If I wanted to posion you I wouldn’t make this big a pot nor put it in a family recipie,” he said and I laughed a little as I stood next to him.

“Closer I don’t want to drip this on the floor,” he said eyeing his two dogs who laid under the kitchen table just waiting for food to drop.

Moving his body slight way from the stove he pulled me in front of him and held the spoon to my lips as I opened them.

Taking in mostly rice and a sausage piece I chewed and while it spicy like gumbo was it was like mouth watering good.

Looking up as I swallowed I saw him eye me with the spoon still in the air.

“More please,” I said like a kid and opened my mouth to which he only stuck the spoon back into the pot and took another spoonful out and before he put it towards me he blew on it softly making me stare at him.

When I went to open my mouth and take the second bite all of a sudden the spoon moved and he ate it with a chuckle as I pushed him.

“Jerk,” I said and he only laughed more as he placed the spoon down and grabbed another one to stir it with as his other hand was placed against my hip.

“So it was good huh,” he asked me as he continued to stir and I nodded.

“Today with my mom too,” he questioned and I looked up at him and saw the question look in his eyes.

Licking my lips I nodded as I softly replied, “Yeah, everything is good and look I’m sorry for today its just,” I started into my apology as he shook his head.

“Don’t explain it, ok I understand and I’m sorry too,” he said.

I nodded as I bit my lips again and than sighed and looked towards the backyard.

Feeling him pull me closer to him I rested my head agasint his shoulder as he put a couple more spices in the pot stirred it one more time and placed a lid on it.

“Just got to wait another ten minutes to let some of the water drain,” he explained as he let go of my hip and stepped away to wash his hands.

I turned to move out of the kitchen when the water stopped and had gotten into the dining area when heard him.

“I wanted to know,” he said, making me turn around and look at him as he dried his hands on his towel than swung it over his shoulder and came towards me.

“Wanted to know what,” I asked.

“If what happened was because we weren’t thinking, because of being drunk,” he said using my line from earlier.

“That’s what I kissed you,” he said a second later when he realized I didn’t know what he meant.

I nodded and looked at the floor than up to him, “I can understand that,” I said as I licked my lips.

“You wondered the same thing,” he questioned and I nodded, “I guess that’s probably why I kissed you back,” I said.

“You don’t know,” he asked.

I threw my hands up in the air as I shrugged, “That’s the only thing I’m sure of when it comes to this,” I told him.

I was looking at the floor after my outburst when I felt his hands placed on my shoulders.

“You know what I know,” he asked and I shook my head still looking down.

He pulled my chin to look up at him.

“If we work on this together, if were honest than no matter what happens, it will be ok,” he said and than rubbed his thumb on my cheek.

I nodded softly and let him pull me into a hug placing my hands around his neck I felt him rub my lower back.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered and I felt him shake his head.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, were in this together just remember that,” He said running his hand down the back of my head.

“Ok,” I said softly and just squeezed him a little tighter.

Sooner than I expected Justin pulled away from me, “Gotta check the gumbo,” he smiled and laughed and I nodded as he squeeze my arm and than headed back to the pot.

Watching him take a taste of it again I jumped when Lynn spoke right next to me, not even realizing she was there, she looked at me with a smile as she said , “Is it ready?”

We watch him nibble on the bite a little as he titled his head up like he was in deep thought and than took another bite.

“Come on Chef Timberlake,” I said with a laugh making Lynn chuckle as he just started to laugh and than moved and took bowls out of the cabinets on the other side of the room.

“Could you slice the loaf of bread up,” I heard Justin ask his mom as she came over to taste it from the pot before he could stop her but laughed when he tried to stop her and she slapped him like he was the one doing the taste testing.

She nodded as she pulled the French bread out of its back and took a knife from the knife block on the counter and started to slice it up.

“Nicole come here,” Justin said as he poured the last bowl of gumbo and set it on the counter next to the stove.

Walking over to him I jumped when he pulled me to him and kissed my temple but than placed his finger on my cheek and I felt gumbo sauce transfer from it to my cheek.

“Justin,” I exclaimed as I turned around to look at him with shock and he just laughed.

“You think that’s funny,” I asked him and he just nodded.

I went to put my finger in a bowl of gumbo when he pulled me tighter against him, “I don’t think so,” he said.

“Its only fair,” I said.

“Tough,” he laughed and when I shook my head at him he just chuckled some more, than took his mouth to my cheek and I felt him lick the sauce off it.

I turned to look at him with my eyebrows raised and he just mocked my face before he kissed my nose and than took a bowl with his free hand and handed it to is mom as she placed the basket of bread on the dining room table and came back and took one and the one she handed to him with a smile at us.

Pulling my hand as he grabbed the last bowl I and watched Lynn pour three glasses of milk as I was lead to the table Justin said, “Eat it while its hot.” Placing the bowl in his hand at the table as he pulled the chair in front of it out and sat me in than sat at the one next to that and as we all dug in I laughed and could keep the smile off my face.

About a week or so later, I was walking Justin’s dogs as he went down the trail to take run, we all were gonna meet down the hill and walk the trail back up, I was more of a hiker than runner but I wasn’t gonna stop him from doing his stuff.

Pulling at Buckley to stop as we waited for Brennen who was sniffing busy sniffing a bush.

Looking up I saw a guy duck behind a car, and knew I was being followed.

“Come on Brennen and Buckley,” I said pulling them down the rest of the street and turning the corner and stopped when flashes started to go off from five different camera men.

“Mrs.Timberlake, over here,” one said.

“This way Mrs. Timberlake,” another said.

“How’s Justin,” one more asked as I tried to move down the street but it was hard when they wouldn’t move from in front of me as the guy from up the street joined them, and I couldn’t see. I didn’t know how long I was there or how far I had gotten down the street before I heard his voice.

“Excuse me, come on man how rude are gonna be,” Justin’s voice said as he blocked the camera with hand as he came through the little group.

I looked up at him as he finally found me and he smiled at me as he grabbed buckley from me and than took my free hand and pushed through the guys in a fast walk towards the close entrance to the path that was gated within the back part of all the houses. Punching in the code to the door he opened it and let me in as he followed and pulled the door shut behind me once we all got through.

“Sorry,” he said finally taking a breath from his running as he leaned against the wall and relaxed now that they couldn’t see us.

“For what you didn’t send those guys to catch me,” I said with a shrug and he only laughed as he let the lease on Buckley go a little as he sniffed something just off the path trail.

Letting the length on my lease go the same as Justin had letting Brennen sniff the trail too, I walked over to Justin and tried to pull him up.

“Come on, stinker,” I said and pulled his hand but he pulled me back against him as he let his leash go, and pulled the leash from mine and dropped it as his fingers intertwined with that hand and brought it our side.

“Justin what are you doing,” I asked with a giggle as he showed his wicked smile and wiggled his eyebrows making me laugh.

“Just living in the moment,” he said as he placed my hands on his hips and than wrapped his around mine to shit on my lower back.

“What about the dogs,” I questioned and he shrugged before he said, “the area is small and they wont go no where.”

Looking around I noticed they had found a shadey spot and actually layer down on the side of the path not far up from where we were.

“Lazy dogs,” I laughed making Justin chuckle.

“So your vacation starts tomorrow right,” he asked me as his finger started to rub circles on my back causing a shiver to go up my spine.

I nodded and watched him smile, over the past week we had just hung out whenever we were both in the same place at the same time, he had started to record again but besides that we basically were like any other married couple who worked most week days and chilled on the weekend, except for the whole intimate stuff.

It had seemed since I told Justin I wasn’t sure about what was going on he had become more a friend than anything else, he didn’t try anything even if the jokes were made.

“Good,” I heard him say as he ran one his hands up and down my back and let me lean my head on his shoulder as I thought about what had happened over the past couple months, we still had a while to go before we even thought about what we would do to make this seem like it just didn’t work out, but I recalled the night we met and thought about the moment I told him we wouldn’t end, I thought about how I got caught up in the smell of him and just like now when I breathed in a smelt he mixture of his cologne with his sweat from running, I felt my heart thud in my chest just a little bit harder.

I picked my head up and looked at him softly and saw his face stare at mine for a second before it turned to confusion.

“Nicole, what,” he started to say till I leaned back against him but this time I placed my lips against his and gave him a soft peck pulling back to test his reaction, when his eye still remind closed I kissed him again, a little deeper till I felt his hand on my lower back stop circling and press his palm against my back bringing me closer as he deepened the kiss himself a little bit more.

We kissed a little longer till I felt him place his hand against my face and pull away slightly smiling, but question in his eyes.

Licking my lips I breathed trying to catch my breath as I looked down, than up at him before I spoke.

“I wanted to know,” I said softly and I watched Justin look at me for a second hearing what I said, before he realized what I said.

“You wanted to know,” he smiled and I nodded like a little kid and he laughed before he kissed my cheek than my nose than pulled me to kiss him again.

As we pulled apart I smiled at him and he smiled back at me and I felt him pull himself from the wall with a groan as he let my hips go by held my hand.

“I’m not promising anything, but I wanna know,” I told him as we he called the dogs over by a whistle and he padded his side with his free hand and them came up to us.

Grabbing a leash each we headed towards the first up hill of the path as he just squeezed my hand and kissed my temple and said, “more than I could’ve asked for,” and when I blushed at that he laughed and pulled me up the hill as Buckley decide to take the lead and Brennen stayed a little behind but kept up with me as we headed home.

Never tell Justin when your on vacation, that’s rule one. I laughed to myself as we sat in his jeep waiting for Dre to take the luggage over to the private jet’s belly to be stowed away for the flight.

It was now the second day into my two week long vacation, to which Justin had said that we were taking a vacation down to Virginia Beach, part of the reason was he wanted to go back to the studios he worked on his first album in to get inspired for something different, something more raw is what he said.

When he said raw my mind went straight to the gutter like it had the past couple days or so since I had told him in our little way that I wanted to if anything try this out, see if their was reason beyond our stunt. Besides being stupidly drunk and mad at the opposite sex that night.

“You ready,” I heard him say from the driver seat as he squeezed my hand taking me out of my day dreaming and I nodded as he than let go of my hand and we opened our doors and headed for the jet.

Never being in one before I stopped when I got through the entrance and was in awe I felt Justin bump into me before he chuckled and held my hips and whispered in my ear.

“Never been on one of these before,” his voice made a tingle go down my spin as I said nope softly and he pushed me towards a seat by the window and he sat across from me putting our stuff on the seats across the way.

“If you’ve never been on one of these before than I take you’ve also never joined the mile high club either,” he said with an evil glint to his eyes watching me blush for second I decided to play games with Mr. Timberlake.

“What makes you say that,” I questioned and saw him stop with a dead pan face looking straight at me.

“You have,” he asked me.

Shrugging slightly I grinned with the same evil glint that was in his eye.

“Why you gotta play me like that,” he said making me laugh out loud with a tilt of my head before I licked my lips and told him, “You see I could or couldn’t be a member of that club already and well, you’ll never find out,” I said ending the part of my sentence in a sing song voice.

What I wasn’t expecting though was him pulling me off the chair and leading be to another part of the plane before he threw me on the couch like seat and hovered over me.

“We could make sure I knew,” he said with a grin and wiggle of his eyebrows to which I placed my hands on his chest and grabbed his shirt and pulled him in for a quick kiss before I laughed.

Looking at me weirdly I placed my hand on his face and shook my head.

“I’ve never done it on a plane and sorry but I’m never doing it on one either,” I said with a grin like a kid who had been caught doing something wrong, but was trying to buy themselves out it with a cuteness factor.

I saw him take a breath before all of sudden he let himself go and fell on top of me making me groan out a breath not expecting his weight.

“Good,” he whispered in my ear as he placed his hands on my sides and tickle them with my fingers making me squirm.

“What would you have done had i really had,” I asked him and all I did was feel him roll his hips against mine in answer.

“You’d think I’d let you,” I asked him and that was all it took before his lips came on to mine with force as he placed one hand on my face and deepened it a little bit more before he pulled back and started kissing my cheek than my jaw line and as he got to my ear he whispered.

“Oh theirs no question, we would have done something,” his breath tickled my neck as he kissed down my jaw, as felt a shiver go down my spine.

Kissing my neck he got to my collar bone and kissed and sucked on that spot till I moved my hips against his that were still rubbing into mine and let out a soft moan of pleasure.

“Hey love birds it time to stop with the love making and come sit down,” We heard Dre’s voice as he came on to the plane and sat in his seat.

Blushing I pushed at Justin as he kissed back up my neck on the other side than my jaw before he kissed my cheek my temple and my forehead before I started to giggle when he kissed my nose and I saw him wiggle his eyebrows at me. Than as he pulled me up he kissed me in a slowly and almost drug inducing kiss I hadn’t ever had before, and before I knew what hit me I was sitting in the same seat I was before that all had happened.

Blinking I looked over a Justin who was staring at my collar bone that was showing from my the v- neck shirt I was wearing with a smug grin on his face. I tilted my head in question at him and he just chuckled and turned his head to look at the window, though the grin never left his face.

Digging into my bag as I felt us start to head down the run way, I grabbed the hand held mirror out of its pocket and angled it to the place where he had been looking. My mouth dropped open in shock as I looked at the mark and tiny ones around it.

“Justin,” I said in a soft but hard squeak as I saw the hickey that had come from our little escapaeds.

“What,” he said turning to look at me and than saw I was holding a mirror and found what he had left.

“Oh come on you brought a scarf,” he said as he began to chuckle till I tired to kick him but being to far apart I just kicked the air making him chuckle more.

“I think its cute,” he said as the plane started to take off.

“I think you owe me one of your own,” I said with a slight glare of my eyes to which I saw him gulp but than smile at me.

“I hope you know what your getting into with that request,” he said.

“Its not a request, it’s a damn well promise,” I told him as I felt us reach flying altitude and my ears popped a little.

“Bring it on Mrs. Timberlake,” he said bring the last part to slow pace and he drug it out.

--

The trip was about three hours and we were only down an hour and half. Justin and I had stared at each other for a good minute and half after our little make out session and me finding the hickey on my chest.

Looking around I saw Dre had past out and was now snoring in his chair, Justin looked like he was a sleep but I wasn’t for sure.

Unbuckling my sheet belt I walked the two steps over to him and looked at his face looking out the window, but his eyes were closed. Getting an evil grin to my face I placed my knees on either side of him on the seat and hovered over his legs and bottom half as I placed my hands on the arm rest to steady myself.

Holding still for a moment to make sure he wasn’t gonna wake up I started to kiss from his ear lob down his neck to his own collar bone as I started to do the same thing he had done earlier. Jumping when I felt him move but not much as his arms wrapped around waist as he pulled me closer and had me sit on his lap.

I looked up at him from the corner of my eye as he titled is head to my ear, “You could have woke me up to do this,” he groaned as I slightly bit his flesh before I shook my head and pulled away enough to say against his ear.

“What would be the fun in that,” when the words had left my mouth I felt my face be pulled to his as he leaned back into his seat and kissed me till I was dizzy and than continued the assault on my neck than down to my other side of my collar bone but I pulled his face up before he could get that far and kissed him again.

We were lost in each other when we hit an air pocket of turbulence and I clung to him in fright.

“Sorry bout that folks but it looks like were heading into a little rain storm, please make sure your buckled up and save and will get through this quick and easy,” the captain came on the little speaker and said.

Holding my head against Justin’s shoulder as I held to him as the turbulence hit the plan a little more and we started to hear and see the rain drops on the plane and windows I felt him start to rub my back softly as he hummed feeling me tense up at the shaking of the plane.

I love to travel and I love airplanes, and I loved going into airports cause as I told Justin they always spelt like coffee and I’d rather smell it than drink it any day. But turbulence and air pockets I hated with a passion.

After a few more minutes the plan started to just fly again with the light sounds of rain and I felt my body relax again and Justin stopped humming but said, “you ok now.”

Nodding I moved my head from his shoulders and gave him a soft kiss on his lips, “thank you,” I said and blushed when he smiled and than kissed my nose.

“Anytime,” he whispered.

Figuring he’d let me go since the turbulence was over I was surprised when I felt him unbuckle his seat belt and pull me up with him making me lock my legs around his waist as he went back to the couch like seat we had been at and laying down against it where I had been earlier he let me lay against him as he pulled the blanket he had picked up along the way and covered us with it.

“Are we suppose to be buckled,” I questioned.

He just shrugged as he kissed my temple and pulled me against him and started to run his fingers through my hair.

“I don’t know, but this is where I want to be,” he said softly a moment later making me smile as I relaxed into him and we both fell asleep for the rest of the flight.

Justin spent a week in the recording studio while I spent the week being beach bum, today was the beginning of our second week here, and I had to be back at the store by Tuesday of next.

“Come on Pasty Ass, and don’t forget sunscreen or you’ll be the lobster I have for dinner tonight,” I yelled from the bed to the bathroom of the hotel as I placed my bag on it and my sunglasses on top of my head, and sat down.

“Did you just say you’d eat me,” he asked coming out of the bathroom in his swim trunks as he pulled his shirt over his head but left it around his shoulders making me stare and not answer him back. I had seen him shirtless before, I mean we had been getting ready to go in the same area for the past week so I had seen his stomach plenty but for some reason, the way his shorts sat on his hips, lower than his jeans ever did made my mind go straight to the gutter.

“I guess you are,” I heard him say as I finally came out of my daze and made me look up at him.

“What,” I said looking up and feeling my cheeks flush when he grinned at me and slowly walked over to me and stood right in front of me.

“Good ahead,” he said softly making me look up at him in question before he took my hands and placed them on his stomach making me jump slightly. I looked up at him smiling at me his hands still on mine but not pushing them against himself just holding them there.

I started with my fingers moving them softly and saw his smile twitch a little as I moved my palms up his chest than moved my fingers towards his sides and ran them down, his hands dropped and he hovered over me making me lay back on the bed behind me.

“Your playing with fire,” he said softly as he placed his hands on either side of me on the mattress, I just grinned at him as I pulled the shirt that was still around his neck off his head as I than pulled at his shoulder and brought him closer to me as I kissed him.

I felt him lean his hips into mine as he ran his hands down my legs and wrapped them at his waist as he pulled us up the bed so my head hit the pillows, all the while not breaking our kiss till after I felt the bed stop moving from our motions.

Pulling away from me he kissed down my neck and licked at the soft mark that was still on my neck before grinning at me.

I felt his hand come up my sides under my shirt just like mine had done to his moments ago as he pulled slightly away and than kissed at the exposed flesh on my stomach. His fingers tickled my ribs as his kisses lowered and met my short line before working their way back up and than as he pulled my shirt off my body he kissed between my boobs and back up the other side of my neck.

“Who’s playing with fire now,” I whispered as his lips made contact with my jaw line near my ear.

“Oh I’m just getting warmed up,” he whispered against my ear making me chuckle slightly till he ran one of his hands down to the side of my leg and up my shorts slightly.

I pulled him closer to him as I took his lips to mine and my hands found a place on his ass, as they rubbed over it and grabbed it slightly I felt him grin against my mouth as I did so.

I felt his hands go up and around my neck as he kissed my nose than my forehead as he moved to hover above me, feeling him untie my top I slowly shook my head at him with a smirk.

“You are wearing entirely too much clothes,” he said making me laugh as I moved up slight as he untied the backside.

“You weren’t saying that last week when you first saw me in it,” I said reminding him about how he said there was more skin than suit.

“Because I wasn’t getting to enjoy it,” Justin mentioned as he moved to play with the top that was only sitting on me now.

“Well are you,” I asked him and saw him smile as he nodded like a two year old and came and started to kiss my neck as he worked his way down to my chest he pulled my top with him and soon enough kissed between my breast as he threw the top to the floor.

Feeling him grab one of my breast I moved up against him as he kissed it sucked on the spot softly till I pulled at his face.

“No more hickey’s,” I told him holding his face as he smiled and laughed at me.

“Fine fine, but your still wearing more clothes than I am,” he said pulling at my shorts to which I moved my hips up, pushing them into his and told him to take them off.

With him in his swim trunks and me in only my bottoms, I suddenly became aware of where this was going, but my thoughts or over analyzing the situation didn’t last as I felt Justin rub his thumb against my cheek softly making me look up at him.

“You ok with this,” he asked and I smiled back at him.
“Yeah,” I told him with a nodded as I rubbed my own hand against his cheek and watched him close his eyes at the feeling.

After a moment I felt his hand drop from my face as he lowered himself and kissed my lips softly and as I kissed him back it grew in passion and feeling him shift above me I felt him and my excitement grew as his hand played with the strings on one side of my bottoms.

One of my hands played in his hair as the other trailed down his back and dug into his side briefly when I felt his hand touch my hip bone and side under my bottoms, his other hand started to untie the other side as I took my hand that was at his side and trailed it against his hip bone and towards his belly button following the line of swim trunks.

My bottoms were off faster than his were as I got his draw string untied and as I threw my bottoms to the floor he shimmied out of his.

Breathing together softly as we took a break from kissing we looked at each other, as Justin hovered over me slightly more once his bottoms hit the floor.

Pushing my legs apart a little more he pulled himself between them as he lowered his stomach to touch mine as he rested himself on his elbows against the mattress.

Kissing my neck than my jaw he than kissed my cheek and than my lips softly before pulling back and looking at me.

“Keep looking at Nic,” he said taking a hand and rubbing it against my cheek as he moved just a little before I felt him slowly enter me, I closed my eyes slight than opened them as he stopped and let me get use to him. I smiled at him as he did me before he pulled me into a kiss and started a rhythm together.

No words were spoken and nothing was needed to be said as we felt and experienced each other like we had never before.

Pulling from me as he pulled a sheet over our bodies I felt him wrap his arm around my waist as he laid against my side and I heard him sigh before he said, “So much for the beach.”

As I laughed at that statement softly I turned to kiss him before I told him, “this was so much better than the beach.”

Hearing him chuckle as I felt him pulled me towards him with a kiss as he started to run his fingers through my hair, and instead of going to the beach we fell asleep in each others arms.

We had been back for a couple days and were now laying on the couch together watching of all things Shrek. Not that I could complain I loved this movie and I was reminded to be quiet during the movie a couple times when I started to say the lines with the characters and Justin would pinch my sides and tell me I’m ruining the movie.

It was almost at the end and we watched as Shrek told Fiona that he loved her and when she said how she didn’t understand that she was suppose to be beautiful and Shrek told her she was. I was smiling like a loon, make me be the sappy girl who smiles and feels tears in her eyes over a cartoon love story I laughed to myself in my head. When the music mantra at the end finally ended and the credits started to roll Justin switched off the TV from behind me and than pulled me around in his arms to face him.

I smiled at him as he kissed my temple and started to rub my back.

“How’s work been going since you got back,” he asked as he moved some of my hair behind my ear.

“Its good, Mike is getting a lot of repsonse to his clothes which is amazing for him and well for me too,” I said with a laugh as he chuckled.

After a moment or two he pulled me in for a kiss as he moved us so I was laying on top of him and he against the seat cushions of the couch. Ever since that afternoon in Virigina beach Justin and I had will kinda become rabbits in that sense of the word, not that we did it every night but when we did it was never a one time deal.

He kissed my jaw line than my neck as he sat up with me in his lap and than placed his head against my shoulder for a second than looked up at me with the bluest eyes I had ever seen before, and even from him.

“Nicole, I know that this; us isn’t exactly picture perfect but,” he breathed out as he looked at me again and ran his hand against my cheek.

“But,” I questioned after he hadn’t said anything.

I saw him bite his lip and felt him wiggle a little as the leg of his that was on the floor moved around, I smiled a little he was nervous whatever could he be nervous about.

“Even though this isn’t probably the way I would have wanted us to start out, I’m glad this is where were at and I just wanted to let you know,” he panned off from his speech again as he watched me and kissed my nose.

“Justin come on tell me what’s on your mind,” I said and saw him take a breath, I felt myself bite my own lip. Damn him making me nervous but than again was it really that hard of a thing to do.

“I love you,” he whispered trying to not be heard but I heard him and I looked over at him and watch him look at me with a face that either was gonna turn into a smile or have a broken heart depending on what I said next but I figured it would be the first over the latter.

I smiled at him for a second before I placed my hands on his cheeks and held his face.

I held my lips together for a moment not quiet biting them before I took a breath and said, “I love you too.”

“You do,” he asked placing his hands on top of mine still against his cheeks.

I nodded my head excitedly as I watched him smile at me and I felt my heart race speed up just a little as he brought his head closer to mine. Pulling my hands with his as he rested them on his shoulders and his went around my waist as we kissed each other.

Like it had always started with a kiss anytime before we soon and some how move off the couch and up the stairs to the bedroom. But as we lost our clothes and become one with one another it felt different this time, it felt more personal and more dare I say romantic. Gah I was such a sap but looking into his eyes as we made love I never felt more complete and like my life; this moment and everything after it, I felt would be nothing but greatness.

--

Had it really been that long, I questioned myself in only what seemed to be a few days later, but as I looked at my calendar it had been almost two months since our Virginia beach trip and at least seven months total since the day Justin had and me played with Jack.

Walking around the store it was almost time to close, so I was helping the people pick up close and restock the indie music that people had misplaced throughout the day as I went to place some random CDs I couldn’t place on the front table I stopped at what I saw.

Sitting there was a tabloid with Justin kissing some faceless girl and the headlines were, “Timberlake marriage real or just a hoax?” I started at it till I felt someone brush by me, “Shit Nic I’m sorry I know, I shouldn’t have brought it in but I,” she closed the people magazine as she saw me look up at her.

“Amber, just don’t do it again,” I said in a mono tone not really sure what to think as she nodded and placed it by her bag under the counter as we finished cleaning up. Everyone knew even before this whole thing with Justin started I had a no see, hear or talk about, policy for gossip, be it from coworker to coworker or whatever, and their was to be no magazines about celebrity life’s either. I didn’t necessarily consider myself a celebrity but I guess some would by association which was stupid. I was just a women living out her life and who happened to be married to a guy who was very talented and well known.

We managed to get done with five minutes left to spare and because it was dead I closed early as I headed to my car and drove the sort distance to the local Ralph’s with my list. It was Friday night and since Justin would be in the studio till late it was time to shop, especially since we had nothing but an excess of dog food for the two beast we had at home.

Throwing some things into the cart I passed the magazine isle and stopped and backed up, I shouldn’t go down there I shouldn’t look at these. I knew it was all bull shit but for some reason my mind had another thought since here I was scanning any magazine that mentioned Justin on the cover or was related to celebrities in general. I was flipping threw Life and Style when the people magazine Amber had at the store earlier caught my attention.

I finished flipping through the magazine trying to ignore it sitting there on the self staring at me.

I continued through the other magazines that had been placed next to my purse and kept looking up at that magazine ever second or so.

None of the other magazines I had picked up and looked through had either said nothing about us, or what they did say was just about how we were supposedly planning a real wedding for everyone to attend a year to the date of our shot gun type wedding to each other only six or seven months ago, it had been what we had told the press the day after Justin gave me the ring on Ellen though nothing had really been done.

My mind still showed me the image of the article that I had seen which had made almost feel cold inside of Justin kissing another girl. I couldn’t get it out of my mind as I placed the last magazine on the self again and just stared at the people magazine not wanting to pick it up but wondering just what they had to say.

Even though I knew the way they worked, that picture could have been back before we met, could have even been me from behind, since well I dyed my hair every now and than since I was natural dirty blonde but dyed it to be a dark brown to match my fair ass completion better. When I had met Justin I had been more on my natural side since Tanner had liked it better. Shows me to do something to a impress a guy, but Justin on the other hand when I had told him after he questioned it coming home to a darker haired girl he just shrugged it off and said, if it makes you happy.

I smiled at that memory as picked I up the people magazine but than placed it back down on its self and headed towards the deli to get some lunchmeat.

I don’t know how long I had taken to get groceries but as I pulled up to the check out there was only one lane open and only a few late night shoppers were around.

Placing my items on the belt I felt my smile twitch as I saw the people magazine on the rack at the check out. I shut my eyes trying to ignore it but for some reason I just had to know what was said. So against my better judgment I placed the magazine on the belt and placed the loaf of bread on top of it trying to hide myself, when the checker scanned it and handed it over the to bagger to place in my bags in the cart.

Paying for the groceries I took them and headed out and placed them in the backseat as I got in and headed home, trying to ignore the magazine as I saw it through my review mirror, tonight was gonna be a very long and weird night.

The groceries had been put away, I had ate and so had the two beast I sat there after a shower on the bed in my PJ’s staring at the magazine at the foot of the bed as the beginning of Leno started.

I half listened to his dialogue when I heard what I assumed was the front door open and shut and than I heard him, “Babe you home,” he questioned up the staircase as I jumped to cover the magazine knowing I couldn’t hide it anywhere in time as I leaned against it as I stared at the TV.

“Hey you,” he said coming in seeing me smile at him as I chuckled as I got one of Jay Leno’s jokes.

“Hey how was the studio,” I asked as he turned to place is wallet and phone on the dresser and I pushed the magazine I hadn’t yet got the courage to read further under me trying to hide it some how and for what reason I didn’t know.

“It was good, we got a couple songs finished and I started this one that I think might be the first single once we get this released,” he said as he took his jacket off and threw it too the chair in the corner before he sat on it to untie his sneakers and kicked them off.

“That’s great, I bet your excited to work on that one,” I said and he nodded as he pulled his socks off and threw them in the closet.

“How was the shop,” he asked me as he came out wearing his boxers and still in his shirt.

I smiled, “Good wasn’t as busy but it’s a Friday, so I really didn’t know how it would go,” I said explaining since it was my first Friday I had actually worked since the story had been opened longer than six months.

“So you got inventory for the executes is ready,” he asked me reminding me of the reason I had to go in and I nodded as I shifted some what I on the magazine that was making it very uncomfortable to lay the way I was.

“Good, so were both free for the weekend,” he said as he came over to the bed and dropped down next to me and went to pull me to him when he saw what I hoped he didn’t.

“What is this,” he said pulling it from under me as he had turned me to face him some what making the magazine visible.

“Its, just a magazine,” I said softly waiting for him to explode at me, I had gone a big rant awhile about how I didn’t care what they had to say about how I hadn’t bought one of those in my life, well maybe I did when I was a kid but those were magazines like teen and bop and stuff like that.

“Nick, this is People and it has us in the corner,” he said pointing to just the side of the people tagline to show me.

“Love or A Game,” he read the title out loud and looked at me, than went and started shifting through the pages till he came to the page that I had seen just hours ago, and I felt the same way I had the first time I saw, it as I did now.

“A hoax,” I heard Justin breath out and look at me, and taking this as the opportunity to speak I did so pulling it away from him or at least trying to when he placed his hands on mine and held them.

“It’s just Amber had it in the store today, and I couldn’t get out of my mind when I saw it when I got groceries and I know I don’t buy them, and I’m totally against them I was just, I don’t know curious,” I shrugged at him as I took one breath to explain my case.

“Nicole,” Justin said placing his hand on my cheek forgetting about the magazine as he brushed my temple with is ring finger.

“Yeah,” I said softly looking at him.

“Its ok,” he said and I smiled at him as he kissed my temple than pulled the magazine out my hands and moved so he was leaning against the head board.

“Come here, lets read it together,” he said after a moment of me looking at him as he got comfortable and I did so.

Before I even looked at the magazine again I felt and heard him whisper in my ear, “Remember what I said, were in this together and we’ll be ok.”

I smiled at him one last time, as we read about a story that in all ends was nothing more than some soap opera fest about how the girl in the picture who was none other than me, yes I had assumed right. Or else I’d have to find this bitch and lay the smack down, I kid. The hoax part was that Justin had funded me the money to start my store and that I had to play wifely for a year to pay him back.

We ended up laughing at the actual truth of the matter over the lie that had been made up, the simple truth was we were drunk yes, but that alone let our true feelings show on the first night, even if we hadn’t known it at the time.

“You know what’s bugging me,” I heard Justin ask as I brushed my teeth a little while later making me come out of the bathroom with the tooth brush in my mouth and try to ask what.

I saw him shake his head with a laugh as he told me to go finish up and he’d tell me than.

Finally coming out of the bathroom I turned off the light as Justin was still looking at the story with an interesting look in his eyes.

“What did you want to say and why are you still looking at that,” I questioned sitting on the bed next to him and went to pull it from his grasp but he instead took my hand that held my ring and took it in his.

“This, is what’s bugging me,” he said tapping the ring with his thumb, making me look at him and I felt hurt but before I could say anything, he shook his head and smiled at me before he kissed my temple.

“Nothing bad, but we did say we’d get married again with family and friends,” he said.

I sighed when I realized that’s all he meant when I saw him finally toss the magazine to the end of the bed and kick it off with his foot as he brought me over him and I straddled his waist.

“So what do you say Mrs. Timberlake, would you like to marry me, again,” he said and wiggled his eyebrows making me laugh.

“We can keep it simple right,” I asked I was never one of those girls who dreamed about her wedding since she was five, or played wedding like she played doctor. I blushed at that memory when Justin smiled and said, “tell me what you want and that’s what it will be,” he said.

“Even if we just go to the court house,” I questioned and saw him look up at me but, than nod and I somehow saw his smile fade a little.

“Not, that I’m saying that,” I told him and saw the spark shoot back up as he looked at me.

“Damn your like a girl,” I said with a laugh but it stopped when he threw me against the bed and pushed up against me with a growl, which made me stop and stare at him as he smiled at me than chuckled at his actions as I just shook my head.

“You want to know what, I want huh,” I asked him and saw him smirk at me.

“About the wedding Nicky,” he told me making me chuckle myself.

“Ok, ok,” I said with a roll of my eyes but a smile only joking.

“Well,” he questioned a minute later since I hadn’t said anything.

“Do you remember the pictures you showed me of your Grandma’s back yard,” I asked him.

“In Tennessee,” he question and I only nodded.

“Yea, what about them,” he asked as he laid next to me and I turned to face him.

“Could we have it there, during sunset with candles and lights and flowers,” I questioned.

I saw him smile at me as he pictured it and pulled me against him as he kissed my forehead my nose and than my mouth softly before he wrapped his arms around me.

“Sounds perfect,” he announced and with that we smiled at one another and soon fell asleep as we talked about simple wedding plans and how stupid that article had been.

--

We had figured out what type of candles and flowers and light we wanted to used and we figured we’d do it a day after the day we had actually met and done this since everyone was thinking we’d do it on the day.

We didn’t want to gain more media exposure than what was already normally on us, so we keep hush, hush about it.

When we sent the invites out a month later we just asked them to come to a southern BBQ, the only catch was before the BBQ, we would be in a sense renewing our vows for everyone there.

I looked at the calendar on my desk and counted the days, it was a month and a week till the big day, I smiled everything had been going like clock work, work was great, life was great and I was in love.

I was looking through files and my desk stuff when I came across some old pictures of me and Tanner, I stopped cold I felt almost the same way I did seeing the article picture a month ago as I did staring at these pictures. Even though I felt nothing towards him anymore I felt my eyes start to tear at the memories of us, what could I say as much as Tanner had done, he had also been my first love.

Dropping the pictures after a moment I looked up at the windows behind me as I whipped my tears away, I had never seen that coming, I had never felt or figured out what Tanner was doing till it come right into my face and I had to deal with it. Thinking about the last months, I felt myself tear up a little bit more and I pulled myself out my chair and sat near the window and placed my hand up against it watching the light catch the stones in my ring and flicker when I moved it.

I sat there for a good hour and cried and wondered why I had never let myself do so, I had never let myself heal or think or react to the situation once it had happened, because well Justin had happened.

I wasn’t blaming him I couldn’t, I think in the end he probably saved me from something I couldn’t even think of but all at the same time I thought of how much he saved me I thought about how fast and quick I fell for him and easily I did the same for Tanner, was this right? Was me really getting married to Justin in front of our families and friends, for real this time even if the last time was legal. Was that right, or would it all end just the way it had before, because this was all a sudden going way too fast.

“What am I gonna do,” I whispered to myself as I sat against the warm windows and looked towards the door trying to keep my tears at bay.

The last weeks till the last month before the been had gone and went, and than some. Today was marking the three weeks until the day we had actually met and than there was one more day till the day, of the big event. I still hadn’t discussed with Justin my meltdown and while he was busy in the studio most times and came home and slept most days afterwards, I don’t know if he realized how distant I had actually became.

“Nicole,” I heard him call later that afternoon as he came home from the studio and I who was still in my pajamas didn’t move as I watched something random on the TV still in bed. On top of everything else that was going on, I hadn’t felt good in a couple days. Give it to me to get the flu or sick a few weeks before some big event that was suppose to happen.

“Hey you,” he said like he always did but than stopped when I just smiled at him from under the covers as I than went back to watching, whatever movie I was watching. I wasn’t quite sure since I had been going to bathroom to throw up more times than watch it.

“OK, so your in bed still in your PJ’s and the bathroom smells like Lysol,” Justin said as he came over and sat next to me and I tensed up for a moment till he placed a hand on my forehead.

“Your not warm, were you smoking pot,” he asked with a smile but when I didn’t give him an answer back just stared at him, I saw his face soften.

I tired not to tense up, and I tried to keep the tears at bay when Justin pulled me up into his arms as he laid himself against the headboard. I had been going through an internal battle for almost a month about how I would let him down, how I wouldn’t well, I wanted to say wouldn’t break his heart but that was impossible now, because if he loved me like I loved him he’d know mine was already half way broken at the thoughts that went through my head, these past few weeks.

“What’s wrong Nic,” he asked as he rubbed my back and I shrugged as I whipped at my eyes with the tissue I had in my hand.

“Your just not feeling all that great,” he asked and I nodded. I knew if I opened my mouth to even say yeah or anything of the like I would blurt out my whole feelings and lay them on the line. I felt safe as Justin held me as he looked into my eyes with concern and smiled at me and kissed my forehead. I know I should have said something but I didn’t.

“You keeping anything down,” he asked me.

“Only crackers and ginger ale,” I said pointing towards my night stand that was covered in them and tissues, which he thought was probably from me sneezing or something but nope they were covered in my tears. It was normal for me to become a baby when I was sick, from the day I was born I when I got sick I was quiet for the most part but the moment someone took care of me I clung to them like a sweater and let them baby me till I truly felt better. Only this time I felt like no matter how I hard I clinged to him in this moment it would never be enough for the moments after this all ended, I felt like I was an emotional wreck who couldn’t stop throwing up.

“How bout we take a nap than I make you some soup and see if you can keep that down,” He questioned me as he softly touched and fingered my hair as he pulled himself with me against the bed.

I nodded not quite sure what to say but the movement of the bed and the smell of his cologne triggered something I didn’t think they ever would and I pulled away from him in a rush as I jumped off the bed and made it to the bathroom just in time to see the crackers I had in my stomach.

“Make that just the ginger ale,” I said as I took the wet washcloth from him and wiped my face with it.

“Come here,” he said and I didn’t think twice when I went into his arms and sighed against him as I felt safe again. Even though I shouldn’t have.

--

I had been sick for almost a week before I finally felt some what better enough to at least go to work, though I left early and made it to my doctor’s appointment that Justin told me even if I felt better today I should have. Besides, he told me it would make him feel better.

Great, I said in my head, with a eye roll as I thought about that and the kiss we had shared this morning. I don’t know when or why, maybe it was the guilt but I could never get lost in his kiss anymore like I use to. I always felt like something was missing something that I had was now gone. Maybe it was my belief in us, my belief in love, but we all know where that got me the first time.

“Mrs. Timberlake,” heard the nurse call and ask me to follow her. I had been here for almost an hour and after telling my doctor what I had been feeling and going through I was taken to do test and than had to wait for thirty minutes before they had finally called me back. This time as I sat on the little table thing I bounced my legs back against the table, not caring how it made a banging sounded ever time with my heels I wore.

Hearing the door opened I stopped as I saw the doctor come in with a smile as she sat down next to me and opened her mouth.

“Well what you thought wasn’t the flu,” she said.

“Stomach bug,” I questioned and saw her shake her head.

“Appendicitis,” I asked and she shook her head again.

“Food Poisoning,” I asked and she laughed and shook her head again before she smiled a placed a hand on my shoulder.

‘Your pregnant Nicole,” she said and I smiled at her but inside some how I was crying, both out of joy and well sorrow. At that moment I didn’t know what to think I didn’t know what to say.

All I know is whatever she said to me I smiled a nodded, and some how did ask questioned because I remembered things she explained that she didn’t at first.

After a trip to the pharmacy I got my pre-natal’s and when I started to head out the door my cell phone went off.

Seeing Justin’s name flash with his picture across the screen I felt tears roll down my cheeks. I took a breath as I answered the phone.

“Hey how the doctor go,” he questioned as I walked to my car.

“Good, just a stomach bug,” I lied and felt my tears fall faster down my cheeks, I had never lied to him and it hurt to think about what I was actually saying or rather the truth I was trying to cover as I placed my free hand over my stomach as I sat in my car. I don’t know how I hadn’t notice it grow slightly over the last month, since it had. But I guess when you don’t have a totally flat stomach things like that kinda get missed.

I was only a month to two months along, I know my doctor had told me and it was in the paperwork that I placed in my purse but hell if I remembered it at this moment.

“So your better now,” he asked me.

“Yea, all better,” I lied once again as we said our goodbyes and I placed my keys in the ignition but didn’t start the car as for the second time in the past month I broke down in sobs, at least know I knew part of the reason why it was so easy to cry.

“At least I’ll always love you,” I said softly as I rubbed my little belly and whipped my eyes as I placed my sunglass back on my face and stared the car and headed home, or at least what I called home for now.

When I got home, Justin wasn’t there quiet yet. Though I knew he was on his way since he had said he would be leaving within the hour and I took me that long to get home, making a side stop to pick up some things at the store.

Placing the things that needed to go in the fridge I was looking through the mail when a manila envelope stopped me. Looking at the corner I saw it came from Justin and my lawyers I opened it and my jaw dropped but than I quickly recovered, you see when this all first happened the plan was to let this work out for a year or so and than by the time our one year anniversary came around than it would be announced that we either had filed for divorced or were divorced. I guess the lawyers had planned ahead cause as I read the paper in front of the documents it stated that if we signed this now, by the time our anniversary hit in two weeks it would be filed, they said they would do it faster than normal considering are circumstance but I had to roll my eyes at how much they liked to kiss ass.

I placed the cover letter down and look pulled out the document that I had always seen on TV but no were else. Flipping to the last page I saw the little tags pointing towards each signature line.

“Was that all it took,” I questioned looking at it, a signature from both parties and being sent back to be filed, was all it would take to make this, make us not real anymore. Looking up at a noise I saw my purse had fallen against the table, picking it up I held my papers from the doctor in my hand that had fallen out, and I read the info over again. Registering that I was only a month and a half along, and that my calculated due date was ironically the actual birthday of Justin’s. Pulling the paper over the divorce documents I sat there with them staring at both for a few seconds than my stomach.

I felt the tears start to fall again as my mind thought of a solution, even if as I got up and grabbed a pen my heart begged me to reconsider, making me think of the baby. I only looked down once before my mind told me it would be better this way, sure we’d still be in each others lives but I wouldn’t risk my heart being broke, or feel the way I did the moment Tanner said he had been with what’s her face for the better half or at least I thought of our relationship, I wouldn’t get hurt I rationalized.

I signed my name and as I pulled the pen away a tear fell on the paper, “Shit,” I said as I tried to wipe it away but only smudged the ink as another feel towards the line he was suppose to sign on.

I jumped back as I realized, what I had done, I stared at the paper work I felt my ring against my finger as I pulled it off and looked the inside and read the words, “We wont end,” I whispered as I threw the ring and grabbed my bag and as the ring bounced and made its sound as it landed were ever it did, I didn’t know. I pulled my bag open and grabbed my keys from their pocket as I jumped in my car and sped away from the house, I had just “ended” us. And as I made my way towards my store first I stopped in my spot realizing something, pulling opening my bag I found the papers weren’t there and I remembered where I had left them next to the divorce papers on the island in the kitchen.

“Shit,” I exclaimed as another batch of tears made their way to my face as I pulled out of my spot forgetting what I had stopped there for and just drove, not having a clue where I was going.

I don’t know how long I sat there as I slowly drank my bottled water. I looked at the bar stool next to me and wondered just exactly what made me come here. It wasn’t like I was in any condition to drink and I wasn’t stupid enough to do so, just out of pity for myself.

I looked around the bar and saw the bottle of jack against the wall and smiled a little when I saw it was the same bottle we hadn’t finished with the sharpie mark next to the J of the Jack on the bottle.

Whipping my nose with a tissue I jumped when a hand was placed on my shoulder.

“Can I buy you a drink doll,” a man slurred and I shook my head.

“Come on doll,” he said sliding his hand down my left and holding it, shit of all days to get upset and throw my ring across the room as I left. I breathed out as I smelt the alcohol on his breath and shook my head again.

“Doll face, just one simple drink I mean no harm,” he said with a smile and I felt disgust go through my back as pulled my arm away from him and pushed him away from the bar as I said, “I said no, and don’t call me doll.” I saw him jump back in surprise and than as I turned back to the bar I heard him mumble something in the form of a curse word but that’s not what made me gasp.

Sitting back at his chair was none other than Justin and anyone could tell he was pissed, I could tell he couldn’t understand, I could see him looking at my stomach with a soft glance before he’s eyes landed on mine a dark blue that made me cringe.

“You know pregnant women shouldn’t be at a bar,” he said and I held my water up to which he just shook his head at and rolled his eyes.

I kept my mouth shut and I tried to stay angry at something so I wouldn’t cry, when I felt him stand up and come behind me.

“I’m not signing those damn papers,” he whispered in my ear.

I breathed in not quiet sure what to say.

“Are you even gonna talk to me anymore,” he questioned as he spun me around to face him.

“What is it that I have to say, you know everything,” I said and jumped when he placed his hands on my knees.

“Than I guess its my turn to talk than,” he told me as he pulled my arm up and took me by the hand as he lead me out of the bar and to the street.

We stood outside the bar and even though we hadn’t talked yet I could feel the tension rising between us.

I shivered after a second when the wind blew by for the second time and I felt Justin place his jacket on my shoulders, making me jump slightly at the contact.

“Don’t want you getting sick right now,” he mumbled as he moved away to sit on the bench near by and place his head in his hands.

I mumbled back a thank you as I saw him move away, I stood there for a second watching the cars as I finally started to, walked up to him jumping when he moved and looked at me.

I stopped walking and we stared at one another for a second.

“When did you know Nicole,” he asked staring at my stomach.

“After the doctor,” I said placing a hand to my stomach as I felt the tears build up in my eyes.

“Stomach bug,” he mumbled and looked towards the street and when I went to take a step forward towards him he looked back at me making me stop.

“Why’d you do it,” he asked and when I looked at him not quiet sure what he meant since I had done a lot of things in the past couple hours he breathed as he stood up and step up in front of me.

“Why did you sign it,” he asked.

I bit my lower lip and I felt the tears start to fall I closed my eyes and shook my head.

“Nicole, come on what’s going on,” I heard him ask as he placed his hands on my shoulders.

“Everything,” I whispered and opened my eyes to look at his and saw him look at me in question.

“You remember Tanner,” I asked and he nodded.

I bit my lip again pulling my head away from looking at him trying to make the tears stop, damn hormones I said to myself.

“He was your first love,” he asked and made me snap back to look at him before I nodded.

“You see, I know your not him and I know what we have is different but,” I stopped and looked away from him again before he placed his hand on my cheek and made me look at him.

“But your scared that something like it will happen with us,” he questioned.

“I don’t want to be, but I am,” I said.

“I’m scared too,” he said making me look at him funny till he explained.

“You see, sure I’ve had relationships but remember what I told you,” he asked.

“They all ended,” I asked and he nodded.

“You see, us what were doing the marriage and now this,” he said placing his hand gently on my stomach and looked up at me.

“This is all new territory, but I know one thing that stands above being scared about what could happen,” he said taking his other hand that was on my cheek and rubbing my temple.

“What,” I questioned.

“That we love each other, and that we believe in one another and we believe in this, or at least I do,” he said after a moment and looked down.

I looked at his curls as I felt his hand on my stomach, the one on my cheek moved to his side when he hung his head.

I took a breath, “ I do love you,” I said and I did. I don’t think I ever stopped as much as I tried to will myself to with the torment I put myself through over the last month trying to compare what we had to what Tanner and I had. I knew I still loved him, because if I hadn’t it would have hurt so much, it wouldn’t have made me feel empty the moment I realized I signed that paper.

“I know you do, I see it here,” he said taking his hand off my stomach and pointing it to my eyes.

“But,” I asked him.

“You don’t trust what we have, your still stuck with what Tanner did to you to realize what we do have, what we will have, will never ever be close to what you had with him, and what he did to you,” he explained as he slightly pulled away and turned towards the bench but didn’t walk away.

“Don’t make promises you cant keep,” I said softly and looked at him as he turned around.

“Promises,” he asked.

“Don’t promise you wont hurt me, you cant keep that,” I said.

“But I can, because I would never hurt you, I couldn’t, if I hurt you I’d hurt myself,” he spoke as he came closer to me.

“What if I’m scared that promises like that never stay true,” I asked him.

“Your scared it wont but do you believe it wont,” He asked placing his chin on my shoulder and held me and like any other time I felt safe again, I shook my head.

“I believe you wont hurt me, but I’m scared something will,” I started to say till his hand was placed back on my cheek.

“Nothing, Nicole, nothing and I say this and I want you to believe it, nothing will ever make me want to hurt you, nothing would ever make me want to risk, to ruin, to end what we have,” Justin said looking into my eyes.

“Than why did I,” I asked remember how I had left things a few hours ago.

“Because your chicken shit,” he said and I looked at him as he smiled at me slightly as I shook my head at his with wide eyes, as I took a breath.

“I’d never do the things that Tanner did to you, and I wish I could find him and kick his ass from here to the ends of the earth to let him know how big of douche he was,” Justin said and I smiled at him as I tears still fell from my face.

“I’m sorry I’m scared,” I said.

“Don’t be sorry,” he said taking my left hand in his right as his went towards his pants pocket and pulled out my ring, I tired to pull my hand away.

“Don’t Nic, you deserve this, we deserve this,” he said holding my hand still, as he ran his thumb against the top of it and placed my ring back on my ring finger where it belonged.

“I don’t deserve you,” I said softly as he held me and my hand.

“Yeah, ya do and its ok to be scared,” Justin said.

“Really,” I asked and watched him nod before he placed his head on my shoulder and took a breath.

“You remember when I spent the week away in Virginia beach and the week after we started planning the wedding again in the studio, and would fall asleep the minute I got home,” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said and he pulled his head away from my shoulder as his hands locked around my waist.

“That was my way of trying to hide from you,” he said and I closed my eyes with a smile and quiet chuckle and looking back at him I saw him smile, before he went to explain.

“You see, I knew you were pulling away from me, and I knew I was pulling away from you but I figured it was what was best for both of us at the time, I figured it was the way it was suppose to be, since that’s all my relationships do, is end,” he spoke as he held me.

“I was scared that what we had was suppose to work out, I was scared of what that meant because usually whenever things came to that point I could see myself without that person but with you I couldn’t,” he said ending in a whisper.

“So now that were both scared what do we do,” I asked.

“Lean on each other and know we’ll be alright,” he smiled and I smiled back he had been saying that all along.

“I mean it this time, were in this together, from now on no more secrets, no more meltdowns, and no more drama,” he said.

“Oh but baby you seem to forget,” I said and saw him raise his eyebrow at me as I took one of his hands from my waist and placed it on my stomach.

“We got a whole lot of drama headed our way,” I smiled.

“That kind of drama I like,” he said back making me laugh till he placed his forehead against mind.

“We ok now,” he asked and when I nodded he shook his head.

“Tell me, Nicole are we ok,” he asked again.

“Yeah, were gonna be ok,” I told him with a smile and giggled when he kissed my nose and than my mouth slightly and I felt him chuckle in his chest as I pulled him to me at that kiss, that for the first time in a long time I had finally gotten lost in.

The wedding happened two days after it had been plan with our whole melodrama that had happened but Justin had said, I was scared just as much as he was and as long as we did it together as long as we loved each other it would be alright just like he had always said and now I would always believe. After all that, the rest of the week had started and gone without a hitch. I was looking over the clothes Mike wanted put in the shop windows as well as on the floor next week, as my radio started to play a familiar song.

“I wish I had what I needed
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone

And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land ,”

Looking at my sliver band with the multicolored stones in it shine on my left finger I wiggled it with the rest of my fingers as I turned to look out the windows that showed the streets of West Hollywood and sang with the chorus,

“Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
Let that be enough.”

Pulling my hair out of its clip I ran my fingers from the top to the bottom fingering and pulling at the knots with a stretch to my body as I stood and leaned against the window feeling the warmth of the sun against the glass as the song went on.

I didn’t hear him come in, but I sensed him before he even touched my side, and ran his fingers over my stomach slightly. I felt my heart jump and stop all the same time when he sang the chorus the last time it repeated before the song ended,

“Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough,”

And you know what, it was more than enough.

(song credit- switchfoot- let that be enough)