"Everyday
With every worthless word

We get more far away
The distance between us

Makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever

It hurts but it may be the only way"    

It's strange how one event can completely alter your life. Just when you think it's all smooth sailing...this one thing comes along and throws you for a loop.     

Honestly, I knew the whole thing was inevitable...in fact, I should have been really excited, but I think I was just way too shocked for excitement to take over when it should have.     

We had a routine. Things were simple, and I liked it that way. But this...this changed everything. Questions would have to be answered, plans made...things were going to get even crazier than usual.    

In a way, this shouldn't have been that big of a deal...we all kind of saw it coming, but I don't think you can ever be fully prepared for anything.      

I guess for this to make sense, I need to go back to the beginning...maybe not the actual beginning, because that was 20 some odd years ago and hell...I don't even remember most of it.    

What I do remember though, is that the four of us were together, constantly. I don't have a single memory that doesn't involve those three in some way. They've just always been there.    

Growing up in a ridiculously small town, your childhood friends tend to be your friends for life, whether you like it or not. Luckily, things between the four of us have been mostly good.    

Sure, there's been fights and times I wanted to kill all three of them with my bare hands, but after a day or two the anger faded and it was as if nothing had ever happened.    

We were a team. Always have been.    

I guess all the insanity around us was what kept us together for so long. For some reason, the drastic changes in our lives never really phased us. We faced whatever came our way, together. Divorcing parents. Break ups. School. Jobs.    

Through all the hardships of growing up, I had three amazing people to lean on.         

Even when that curly haired boy decided he was going to be famous, nothing changed. Sure, he was thousands of miles away for months at a time, but the distance never mattered.    

When doofus number two dropped out in the middle of senior year to follow the pop star around the world, nothing changed.    

When I uprooted my entire life in Shelby Forest to go help my best friend mend his broken heart, nothing changed.    

However, when Mr. Timberlake decided to leave the group that had launched him to superstardom, there were a few alterations.     

Trace and I found ourselves with cushy new jobs that allowed us to travel the world, and do whatever we damn well pleased.    

Once Lauren had finished cosmetology school, Justin hired her on as his stylist and the four of us were together again.    

But, there was a turning point, and things were slightly different.     

All our lives, people had tried to warn us about how close we were...the four of us could never stay just friends, that somewhere along the line, there would be more than friendly feelings involved.    

We always blew it off. We'd never let anything like that happen...we were best friends.        

However, all of those people who'd tried to warn us, were right. Feelings did get involved.    

But, it was never awkward or strained. Lauren and Trace's relationship was an almost natural transition. Surprising...but natural.    

They just fit for some reason, and eventually, it was difficult to remember what life was like before they were a couple.     

Finally, Trace took the biggest leap imaginable. I still remember that night clear as day, and I knew immediately that it would change everything.    

As I watched them celebrate their brand new engagement, I was thrilled that two of my favorite people in the world were that insanely happy, but I couldn't ignore the sinking feeling in my stomach.    

Granted, I was positive we'd all still be as close as we'd always been, but things were going to be very different. It wouldn't be long before they were ready to settle down, start their lives together, and eventually start a family.    

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that the road is no place for newlyweds or babies.    

The thought of touring without the two of them scared the hell out of me. Justin and Lauren had an amazing understanding of each other when it came to Justin's appearance and I knew it would be next to impossible to replace her.     

Not to mention the fact  that there was absolutely no way I could have handled being Justin's PA, on my own.    

Trace and I had split our duties fifty-fifty. There was just too much work for one person and we had that job down to an art form. How was I going to do it alone or with someone else?    

And of course, there was the issue of breaking up "the group." I'd had all three of them at my side my entire life, how was I going to function if Lauren and Trace weren't around?    

I knew I was going to have to learn to live with it. There was always a small part of me that knew we couldn't stay in our little bubble forever.    

I guess I just wasn't ready for it to change so suddenly.     

Little did I know at the time, my social circle wouldn't be the only thing doing a complete 180.

"Nothing Lasts Forever"-Maroon 5

This is what you get.
This is who I am.
Take me now or leave me
Any way you can.
Sometimes I trip and fall
But I know where I stand.
If you're thinking about changing my direction,
Don't mess with imperfection.
         

I've never quite understood where all this wedding insanity came from. Sure, it's something to be happy about and to celebrate, but why so much hoopla over an event that's only going to last a day? I mean, come on...engagement parties, bridal showers, bachelor and bachelorette parties, rehearsal dinners, fittings, food tasting's, DJ auditions. Does this madness ever cease?    

I swear I'm not usually this cynical, but I guess the tomboy in me just doesn't get all of this stuff.     

I grew up with three older brothers, so the girly stuff doesn't come so naturally for me. Sure, I love clothes and make up as much as the next girl, but all the Barbie, fairy tale stuff just ain't my thing.     

Of course, I'm sure that if I hadn't been forced to attend this particular engagement party alone, I'd probably be in a much better mood. But, here I sit at the open bar, tossing back long island's and feeling absolutely pathetic.        

Lauren and Trace are off schmoozing their guests, while Justin and girl of the month are on the dance floor, practically humping each other.     

I wonder what Lynn would say if she saw her precious baby boy out there making a complete tool of himself.    

Well...scratch that. It seems Momma Timberlake rather enjoys getting her freak on in front of an audience as well.    

I really shouldn't be criticizing my best friend or his mother for enjoying themselves. After all...this is a party. Having fun is kind of the point.     

But, I guess I'm just drunk enough to be bitter about my seemingly permanent single status.        

It's not like I haven't dated around...there just hasn't been anyone lately that held my interest past a first date. There's been a few serious relationships in my past, some ended amicably, some didn't. I try not to dwell on it.        

I guess sitting here alone all night has made me realize, I'm kind of tired of being single....or I'm just drunker than I thought.    

Hopefully it's the latter because I sure as hell don't have time to date while playing slave girl to the king of pop.    

"Ya know...I'm almost sad this is an open bar. If you were paying I'd have made my quota for the night off of your tab." The bar tender smirks at me and I feel even more pathetic than I did 30 seconds ago.    

"Too bad for you, I suppose." I shrug and gulp down the rest of my drink.    

"Eh...not really. I get paid either way." He grins again and I can't help but laugh along with him. 

"Always a bonus. How much are you making off of this gig anyway?"    

"I'm cleaning up nicely. We'll leave it at that. So...does the bride to be know that her maid of honor is on the verge of needing a 12 step program?"       

I giggle and shake my head. He's cute in that so not my type way. I've never been fond of that California surfer dude look, and Mr. Bartender looks about ready to start a Beach Boys cover band.     

"Nah...I'm usually not much of a drinker, but all the romantic festivities seem to bring out the raging alcoholic in me."    

"Happens to the best of us." He chuckles and moves to a new customer.     

Once again, I'm alone with my drink. Beach boy bartender was a nice distraction for a few minutes, but I was kind of starting to enjoy my sulking. I grab my now re-filled glass and head for an empty table in the corner.    

I know I should be out there having a blast with my friends, but I just can't get into the party mind set. After the hellacious week I've had, I'd love to just go home, crawl under the covers and hide from the world for awhile. But I know that's not going to happen.    

Between helping Trace plan this little shindig(which was no small feat), flying his and Lauren's families out, hiring a bartender, DJ and caterer...I also had my real job to focus on.    

Some of Justin's new material leaked online several days ago and I've been doing major damage control.     

Justin, being the stubborn jackass he is, has decided to scrap every song that leaked and start all over. I swear, this album will never get finished.     

To say I've been stressed out this past week would be the understatement of the year, so naturally...partying is the last thing I really want to be doing.    

"Well, look at this little ray of sunshine." Trace cackles and plops down next to me.     

"Shouldn't you be out there kissing ass to get good wedding presents?" I ask wearily.    

He grins and shakes his head slowly. "Nah...I've kissed enough ass for one night I think. What're you doing over here alone anyway?"    

"Just hanging out." I reply nonchalantly, as if being alone all night has been great.     

I really shouldn't be pouting about this. It's my own damn fault I'm here alone. With all the chaos this past week, I waited until the last possible second to find a date and of course...all of the guys I know, already had plans for the weekend. If I'd planned ahead, this all could have been avoided.    

"Oh hell no...the maid of honor is not sitting in the corner at my engagement party." Trace stands up and practically yanks me out of my chair. "You're dancing with me."    

Oh joy of joys...I get to dance with the midget who has two left feet. Before I know it, I'm in the middle of the dance floor with Trace, who is alternating between the running man, and the cabbage patch.    

Laur would absolutely murder him if she saw this, but I'm not gonna lie...it's hilarious. Clearly, he's had a few drinks and is feeling pretty damn good. Drunk Trace is always an experience.    

One minute, he's bouncing of the walls, acting like a moron, and the next he's completely chilled out. It's never dull, that's for sure.    

"Come on woman..you can do better than that!" He shouts over the music.    

Normally, I'd be all for making a fool of myself with him, but the sight of his horrendous dancing and silly facial expressions has me laughing too hard to even breathe, much less dance.    

Finally the music cuts off and Trace lets out a loud whine, followed by "Man...I was just getting my groove on!"    

I try to suppress my giggle as Justin hops up on the small stage, champagne glass and fork in hand. He clangs them together several times, then chuckles to himself.    

"Sorry...I always wanted to do that." He receives a few laughs from the guests, then clears his throat and starts to babble.    

"Anybody seen Ally Lynn? I think she needs to be up here for this."        

I groan inwardly and force my way through the crowd. Public speaking is a small phobia of mine, so hopefully Justin will yammer on like he usually does and I can just stand here and pretend to look pretty, which in my very buzzed state probably won't be happening.    

Lucky for me, I know my best friend all too well. It's been almost ten minutes and he's still yapping away. Finally, he raises his glass in the air, and I follow suit as he toasts Lauren and Trace.    

"It's gonna be a wild ride guys." He smiles, then takes a long swig of champagne before hopping off the stage and waiting for me to follow.    

I climb down as quickly as my skirt and stilettos will allow, then smile up at him. "Good speech."    

"Nah...it was so corny."     

"Indeed it was...but corny's good sometimes."     

"So, where have you been all night?" Justin asks, replacing his champagne glass with a fresh bottle of Corona.    

"Around."    

"Ah...you've been moping."He smiles knowingly.    

It's always been obvious to anyone around us, that Justin and I have always been the closest in our little group..at least until Lauren and Trace hooked up, anyway.     

I don't know why, but we've always just clicked. He doesn't judge me for all of my little quirks or imperfections, and vice versa.    

Sometimes, I swear he knows me better than I know myself, and that's a little scary. I don't think anyone ever wants to be that vulnerable with another person, no matter who they are.    

I've never had to hold anything back with him. He deals with my mood swings and listens to me whine when I feel like the world is turning it's back on me. Justin is my best friend in the truest sense of the word.    

"I wouldn't say moping exactly..."    

"Right...I told ya...I'd have gladly canceled on my date...but oh no..little miss independent had to come alone." He shakes his head and laughs softly before slinging an arm around my shoulder.    

As much as I hate to admit it, he's right. The entire week leading up the party was full of arguing. He wanted to cancel his date, I wouldn't let him. We went round and round on the subject before he finally relented. I probably should have taken him up on his offer..but I'm just way too stubborn for my own good.    

"You're a trip, Ally Lynn."    

Have I mentioned yet how much I despise his little nick name for me? I don't even remember how it started, but he's called me that as far back as I can remember, and he's the only one who gets away with it.     

To everyone else, it's Alexandra...Alex...Al, and more commonly, Ally. Never Ally Lynn.     

It just sounds so....country.         

Not that that's necessarily a bad thing, but I've never been as into the whole "from the south and proud" thing the way Justin and Trace are.    

I'm not ashamed of my roots, but I don't flaunt them either.    

"So...I think I'm gonna stick my date in a cab and hang with you the rest of the night."    

"Justin...don't be rude." I scold him and he scrunches his nose up at me. Believe it or not folks...he is indeed, a grown man.     

As much as I'd love to see him ditch the skank he's referring to as his date, I don't want him doing it on my account.  Sure, I've sat around pouting all night, but it wasn't for attention. I just genuinely didn't want to be here. What can I say...lack of sleep makes me cranky.    

He dismisses me with a wave of his hand. "It's not rude. Besides, she's wasted..making her completely useless to me now." He laughs, then saunters off to get rid of his date.    

I head for the bar, this time for a water.  I've had about all the alcohol I can stand for one night, and don't see myself drinking again for quite awhile.    

The party's starting to wind down a little, and even though I was a complete downer all night, I have to admit it turned out perfectly. Everyone seemed to have a great time. The food was incredible, and I'd say 90 percent of the people who'd been here left with a good buzz.    

Overall, I think the night was a success.     

After several minutes of people watching, Justin rejoins me at the bar and orders another beer.     

"I take it that went well?"  

He shrugs and sets his drink down. "I wasn't all that into her. I doubt I'll see her again."     

Justin and I have never really gone into detail about our love lives with each other. Nine times out of ten, I don't even know if he's dating someone. Granted, I knew every bit about the Britney drama, and flew my ass across the country to help Trace straighten Justin out when they broke up. However, since then, we've kept the relationship talk to a minimum.     

In a way, I think that break up messed with him a lot more than he'll ever admit.  Number one, it took a huge toll on how he looked at and treated all women.    

Before, he was respectful and sweet. He treated any woman he came in contact with like she was the most important thing in the world. After...he viewed all women as inferior beings, who should count themselves lucky he allowed them to breathe the same air he did.     

Naturally, Lynn gave him a major attitude adjustment after several months, but there is still an issue with how he treats the women he dates. I can't even begin to count how many times I've listened to him spout off about his three F's theory.         

"Find 'em. Fuck 'em. Forget about 'em."    

Justin has always been incredibly guarded. Growing up in the spotlight forced him to be extra cautious about who he let enter his life. After the break up, he almost got to be too paranoid. For almost a year, he wouldn't socialize with anyone outside of his family and close circle of friends.     

He didn't trust anyone, and to this day....it's virtually impossible for him to trust anyone new who enters his life.    

His hatred for the media grew to epic proportions. After months of seeing his and Britney's face splashed across television and magazines, I can't really blame him. Everyone had their assumptions about what had happened. The demise of the perfect pop star couple was the big story, and every outlet had to have their say.    

Fortunately, with a lot of time and work...he's moved on. For the most part, I'd say he's almost back to normal Justin, but every so often shades of that heartbroken 19 year old boy show up.     

He hasn't been in a serious relationship of any kind since Britney. It's almost like he avoids letting a woman get close to him. They're usually pretty lucky if they make it to the two week mark and I have yet to see one make it more than a month.         

Unfortunately, his revolving door of a love life just makes him look like a big ol' man whore, and that's just not good...no matter who you are.     

I'm kind of amazed he's stayed seated and quiet this long. Normally, he's got to be up and doing something constantly. The boy never sits still. I swear there's a major attention deficit issue there.     

I look across the room to see Lauren and Trace huddled up in a corner, talking and giggling to themselves.  They really do make a great couple.  Where Trace is overly laid back, Lauren is intense. Where Lauren is unorganized, Trace is the king of organization. They just balance each other out.    

They're constantly smiling and laughing together. In the almost four years they've been together, they've fought only a handful of times.     

It's almost sick for two people to be that happy together. They're that couple that is toothache inducing.    

"Ya know...I'm really happy for them." Justin says suddenly. What is he, a freakin mind reader?    

"Yeah...they both deserve it." I smile as I watch Trace kiss Lauren's forehead.

They've both been through a lot of shit as far as the opposite sex goes, so it's amazing to see them both with someone who treats them how they should be treated.    

"It's still weird though, ya know?" He glances at me and takes a sip of his drink. "I never saw it coming, but when it did...it kind of made sense. Even though everybody always said it'd be you and me."    

"Yep...they did." I chuckle and shake my head. "Shows what they know."    

It's true. From the time we were born, practically everyone in Shelby Forest had their mind made up, that one day, me and Justin would be walking down the aisle. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that we were such complete opposites, even as kids.     

He was the musical one, I was the athlete. His grades started to slip, I had straight A's. He was popular, I was fairly quiet and kept to myself. His parents were divorced, mine were happily married.    

Of course, I'm sure the fact that we bickered constantly just furthered those assumptions about us. It wasn't that we didn't like each other...we were best friends, who just happened to enjoy pissing each other off. I could say something as simple as, "the sky's blue", and he would disagree, just for the hell of it.     

Even now, 20 some odd years later, we can easily fall back into that bickering, but it's always in good fun.    

"Oh please Ally Lynn...you know you want this." He smirks proudly and puffs out his chest.    

"Oh yeah, about as much as I want the countless STD's I'm sure your date has." It's my turn to smirk as he sticks his tongue out at me and finishes the rest of his beer.    

He shoves me playfully and before I know it, we're pushing each other back and forth to see who will fall off their stool first.        

See? I told you we could easily go back into that childhood bickering.    

"You guys ready to head out?" Trace and Lauren approach us hand in hand. Lauren looks about ready to drop where she stands, while Trace still seems to have a good buzz going.     

This should make for a fairly interesting ride home. Trace, Justin and myself are three sheets to the wind, while Lauren just wants to sleep.    

But then again...when the four of us are together, it's always interesting.

"Imperfection"-Saving Jane

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind
         

Two of my best friends on the planet are getting married. How fucking crazy is that? I mean...we ran around in diapers together.      

Hell, one time I watched Lauren eat a worm, while Trace made fun of her.         

They've been together almost four years, but there's still a small part of me that can't help being slightly weirded out by the whole thing.     

It's kind of stupid because they work really well together. They have the type of relationship that everybody wants, but never thinks they'll get. Where everything is perfect. No fights. No trouble communicating. No trust issues.     

I haven't seen either of them this happy in god knows how long, so it's cool. I want everyone around me to be happy.    

So, now that Lauren and Trace are knee deep in this wedded bliss shit, I can focus on finding Ally a man. Yes...I know that makes me sound like a woman, but I'm worried about the girl.     

I can't even remember the last time she had a date, much less an actual relationship. She always feeds me that "I just don't have time" bullshit, but I know it's a lie.     

If I have time to date, then she sure as hell does. I mean...does she think I'm too stupid to realize that her schedule revolves around mine?     

I guess I shouldn't be too concerned about Ally's love life...I mean, it's not like she's turning into a lesbian or anything. Just the other day her and Lauren were watching E! news and drooling over the guy from Maroon 5.     

I seriously doubt she'll be alone forever...she's a smart, attractive girl and she's hilarious to boot. Girls like that, don't stay single.    

I know what you're thinking...but you're wrong. Just because I can see the good qualities in my friend doesn't mean I'm in love with her. I could say all of those things about Lauren too.     

The fact is...I know my two best female friends are amazing women. And I'll beat the hell out of any guy who doesn't treat them as such. I'll even kick Trace's ass if I have to, but I don't really see that happening. He pretty much worships the ground Lauren walks on.     

How he ever convinced her to marry his midget ass, is beyond me.     

I guess I'm just a little worried that Ally is the only one of us who seems completely disinterested in dating. I mean...even I'm getting out there and playing the field. Even though I have no intention of getting into anything heavy for quite awhile.  It's much easier to be the guy who just doesn't give a shit.    

That way, I don't end up with some crazy bitch telling me she loves me, then screwing around behind my back.    

I'm looking out for number one, man.    

In a way, I guess it's kind of unfair for me to try pushing Ally into finding a man...I'm still messed up over a relationship that ended several years ago. I'm the last person who should be giving out love advice.    

"Hey space cadet...the movie's over." Lauren slaps my shoulder, jarring me out of my thoughts.     

A quick glance at the TV shows, that sure enough...The Bourne Identity is over, and I missed the entire last half an hour. I guess it doesn't really matter...it's not like I knew what the hell was going on anyway.     

Lauren and I have had our asses planted in front of the TV all day, while Trace and Al are off slaving at the label, hashing out the plans for my next album. I gotta admit...I've really enjoyed my time off, but I'm ready to get back to work.     

I've been tossing ideas around for a few months now, and I've filled at least three notebooks with stuff that's definitely got some potential.     

Now, it's just a matter of setting up the studio time and working around Tim's schedule. We decided almost a year ago that the next album would be me and him all the way. So it should be pretty amazing.        

"Justin! Have you heard anything I've said?" Lauren screeches at me and I can't help but laugh at her. "

Uhh...yeah?"    

"Oh good. So you're ok with what I'm planning then?" She arches an eyebrow at me and I swallow hard. This could be bad.    

Since the engagement party a month ago, Lauren has been busting her ass with wedding plans and the rest of us are just along for the ride.  Unfortunately, spending the day with Lauren has me kind of backed into a corner. She's been talking non stop and throwing out ideas, so if I answer anything wrong, it could be disastrous.         

"It's your wedding." I shrug. Good job J! Nice, neutral answer. I'm not as dumb as I look after all.     "

That's what I thought." She frowns and rolls her eyes. "Anyway...I was thinking it might be good to use Steven as the ring bearer...you think your Dad would be ok with that?"
    

"I don't see why not...but isn't he a little old for that?"    

"He's seven." Lauren gives me a dumb look. "Besides...Kaitlyn is eight, so it'll work perfectly. Can you call your Dad in the morning and ask him?"    

"Who the hell is Kaitlyn?"  This time, not only do I get the dumb look, but she slaps the back of my head.  "My neice. The flower girl, you idiot. God...you're worse than Trace with this stuff. I need Ally!" She whines pathetically, tossing her pen and paper on the table.     

"Honestly...what can I be expected to know about planning a wedding?"    

"Men are useless." She mutters, then disappears into the house.    

How did I get dragged into this shit? I'm the best man, not the maid of honor. I should be planning a crazy bachelor party...not helping the bride decide which centerpiece she likes better.    

I can't help but cringe at the realization I even know what a centerpiece is.  God..I really am turning into a woman.

************************************************************************   

I'm scared. No...terrified. It's stupid really. I was the one who got the ball rolling again. It was my idea to get back to work. Everyone told me I was doing the right thing, but now...now I don't know.     

Everything Ally and Trace worked out seems great...hell...it's exactly what I wanted, except for one small detail.     

As cocky as it sounds, the label worships me. I've made a lot of people insanely rich, which has given me the leeway to do pretty much whatever the hell I want, at least I'd thought so.     

With Justified...I did my own thing. Everything on that album just kind of flowed, and they ate it all up. They didn't make any demands...they took what I'd created and ran with it. But this time around, it's not going to be so easy.        

Everyone knows the tired ass story behind Cry Me A River. Honestly...I never wanted to release it as a single...but the potential for it was undeniable. As much as I didn't want to release it, I'd have been a fool not to, and the success of the song just proved it.    

Now...they want Cry Me A River part two. In other words...they want another Britney song, and frankly...I don't want to do it for a number of reasons.        

First off, I haven't spoken to the woman since the night I dumped her ass. I've spent three years avoiding her and it's worked. I'm finally at the point where I can go on with my daily life with little to no after effects of what she did to me.     

Secondly...I have nothing left to say about her. She cheated. I dumped her. I was miserable for two years. I've moved on, so what's left to say?    

And finally...I know why they want it. Sure, I've been out of the game for awhile...but I never expected to be a dollar sign when I came back.     

If I churn out another cheating bitch song that achieves even half the success of the first one, a lot of people stand to make a lot more money.    

I just don't want to go back there. I don't want to relive all of the bullshit I went through. No matter what anyone says, I loved that girl more than anything.     

Finding her screwing around damn near killed me, and I refuse to let myself fall back into that misery all over again.     

"You alright?"Ally eyes my suspiciously as she plops down on my bed. Trace didn't seem to see any issue with what the label was asking, but Ally...she gets it.     

"I'm fuckin great." I smile sarcastically and throw myself down next to her.     

"Ya know...getting all weird like this and thinking about it, is pretty close to giving them what they want. You said you don't want to think about all of that again...but I know you're already thinking about her. Write some crap ass song...they'll see it's terrible and figure the Britney well is dry...and give up."     

"That's not the point." I roll my eyes at her and sigh. Maybe I just won't do a second album.     

"Then exactly what is?"    

"The fact that they asked for it...that they said specifically they wanted another "Britney song." What kind of shit is that, man? Like there's some switch I'm supposed to turn off and on."    

"That's not really a point, Justin. Honestly...I think it might be good for you. It's no secret that you're still messed up about it...maybe there's still something in that twisted head of yours...write it down...get it out, and be done with this mess. You say you're over it...so write it." She shrugs.        

I really thought she was coming up here to defend my honor or something. She looked almost as pissed as I felt when Trace told me this was what the label wanted. But now...it's like she's siding with them, and I don't like it.     

You'd think people would be nice to the guy who signs their paychecks.     

"Seriously...take some time...clear your head and get it out of your system. Besides...I'm sure if you at least tried and they see it can't be done...they'll let it go. But, I think you should give it a shot...maybe it will finally get you past all of this nonsense and you can be normal again...not that you were ever normal, but normal for you." She smiles and shoves me playfully.     

"You're hilarious."     

In a way, I see where she's coming from. There's still some aspects of our break up that I never got over...and who knows...maybe writing it could help...but I'm not gonna force it. I'm going to let it just flow...like I've always done with my writing.     

"Call me crazy...but maybe that's your sign." Ally says suddenly. I hadn't even realized the TV was on until she said something.    

Needless to say, I was more than a little surprised by what I was seeing.    

"I can't believe she's marrying that idiot!" Ally yells, then erupts into a fit of giggles. "Aww..that poor girl. You remember him, don't you?"    

I study the scruffy looking guy on the screen, carefully, but I can't quite place him. He just looks...dirty, and I make it a point to avoid those types.     

"Should I?"    

"He only toured with you for six months."    

That's when it hit me. Kevin. Kevin Federline. He'd been one of the dancers on the Justified tour.    

He wasn't a bad guy, really. Tried to screw anything with tits..but I didn't have any problems with the dude. He did his job, so I couldn't complain.     

"He tried to get in my pants the whole tour." She was still giggling and I couldn't help but chuckle along with her.         

Maybe Ms. Spears would finally get what she had coming, and she'd deserve every bit of it. I guess karma really is a bitch.

*****************************************************************************   

I know it's stupid, but it's been a day and my head is still kind of spinning. Between all the bullshit with the label, and Britney's nonsense...sleep didn't come so easily to me last night, and so far...tonight's not looking so great either.    

I usually avoid all of the tabloid shit, like the plague. Buying into the lies and manipulation causes nothing but problems, but maybe I should have pulled my head out of the sand and been on the look out for anything involving my ex girlfriend.     

If I had...I wouldn't have been completely blind sided by the news of her marriage.    I know she's making a huge mistake, and it's gonna bite her in the ass one day.     

Ally, Lauren and Trace have all conveniently had ten tons of crap to do today, so I've been alone since I woke up. I know it's all Ally's doing. She thinks if I'm alone long enough, I'll work through all of this shit in my head and write a killer song.    

I don't really see it happening.    

Then again, maybe I'm just being stubborn. I mean really...what could it hurt? If whatever I do end up with,  blows, the label will get off my back and I can finish the album. If it turns out well...then I can add yet another hit song to my resume. It's a win-win situation.    

I really hate realizing Ally's right. 

"Over My Head"-The Fray

It's twisted, messed up
And the more I think about it
It's crazy, but so what
I may never understand it
I'm caught up and I'm hanging on
    

"I can't choose between the light purple or the lavender. What do you think?" Lauren throws two pieces of fabric down in front of me, then frowns.

We've spent the last three hours going over some of the minor wedding details... well...technically, Lauren's been agonizing over this shit, and I've just kinda sat here.

It sounds stupid, but for the first time...I'm having a really hard time seeing Lauren and Trace as a couple. Sure, there was a transitional period when they first got together...but right now...it's just so weird.

For starters, look at Lauren. Tall, thin, blonde. Model good looks. It kind of pisses me off how gorgeous she is, especially when you compare her to me. Even in high school, people were able to see it.

She was the prom queen, and nearly every guy in school would have killed to be with her. She's got that typical southern beauty thing going for her. The long, flowing, blonde curls. The bright blue eyes. It's ridiculous.

Then of course, you have Trace. Now, I'll admit...he's not a bad looking guy, but if I was to observe the two of them as an outsider, I'd really wonder just what the hell Lauren sees in him.

It's a well known fact the dude is a little on the vertically challenged side. He's actually kind of average in the looks department, I suppose.

His hair never looks the same. He's constantly letting it grow out, until it begins to curl and look a little like an afro. Then, he'll cut it into a mohawk, or some other ridiculous style that he claims is, "in." Then he'll shave it completely off and start the entire process over again.

I know, my friends are strange. 

"Well?" She asks impatiently, disturbing the speeding train that is my mind.

Justin unloaded all of my work on Trace for the day, which left me completely open to help Lauren.  I know I'm the maid of honor, and I should be jumping up and down..but this girly stuff just isn't my thing.    

For once in my life, I'd rather be working.    

I study the two swatches for a minute, then glance at her.  They're almost identical, but I know better than to open my big mouth.  Lauren's one of those girls who has spent her entire life dreaming up this magical, fairy tale wedding.     

She always knew she'd have the big lavish wedding with hundreds of guests. The perfect church, beautiful ceremony, amazing reception.     

She's known all along that it would be perfect.        

I don't think she ever planned on marrying a midget though, but I digress.    

"I'm gonna say the lavender."    

"That's what I was thinking." She grins, then disappears into the kitchen to make several phone calls.    

I know I seem totally anti-love and romance, but I really am happy for her. She's been through her fair share of losers, and as unexpected as her relationship with Trace was, she deserves to be this happy.    

Speaking of the troll...I should probably call to check on him.  Justin had a lot of shit going today, and I'm a little shocked that he let Lauren and I take the day off.    

Two magazine interviews, a photo shoot, and radio interview.    

I guess it's kind of pathetic that I have his entire schedule committed to memory, but it's hard not to. Johnny spends so much time drilling this crap into my brain...plus, atleast one person around here needs to know what the hell is going on, and right now...it's not even that bad.    

I know I need to prepare for things to pick up. The album's nearing completion and Justin will be promoting until he's blue in the face, which means Trace and I will be right there with him.    

But, I've kinda gotten used to this much slower pace. I don't miss running around like a crazy woman, or living out of my suitcase from one city to the next.    

I've really enjoyed being home so much and not having my mind going in a thousand different directions.     

It's been a little over a year since we were in the middle of our usual routine, but I don't think I'm ready to go back to all of that just yet. I guess I just like everything being so simple.    

But then again, I'm probably just freaking out. Johnny doesn't seem to think the album will be ready for quite some time, and with Justin being as anal as he has been about it, Johnny might be right.    

"Alright...we have a small crisis." Lauren reenters the living room and tosses her phone down on the couch. She's pacing back and forth, running her hands through her hair.    

This can't be good.    

"Alright...shoot."    

"I just talked to my mom...apparently she planned some big thing for mine and Trace's families...I knew about it like a month ago, but with everything else...I kind of forgot...and Trace...oh, I'm not even going there." She rolls her eyes and continues pacing.     

If she keeps that up, she's gonna put a hole in the carpet, and there will be no living with the pop star if that happens.    

"Anyway...Trace and I need to go to Memphis for a couple weeks...I just talked to him, he's clearing Justin's schedule."    

"Sweet...a mini vacation." I grin. She's major stressing out, but I don't really see what the big deal is.     

"Umm...about that..." She forces a smile and plops down next to me. "I've got a ton of wedding stuff set up the next couple weeks...dress fittings, meetings with the caterer, Trace set up some auditions for a DJ...umm...oh! cake tasting's. I had every crucial thing set up for the next month...and with us having to leave, I'd have to cancel everything, and setting up these appointments was a bitch to begin with..."    

"So you want me and Justin to plan your wedding?"
    

"Oh Ally! You know I completely trust you...I have almost everything written down anyway.. please...I am begging you."        

I bite my lip and stare at my feet. I know it sounds horrible, but I really do not want to do this. I wouldn't ever forgive myself if I screwed something up and completely ruined Lauren's wedding. Hell...she'd probably kill me. But then again...being the maid of honor...it's kind of my duty to help with all of this stuff...so you see where I'm conflicted?    

"Are you sure most of it's written down?" Remind me to never participate in another wedding, ever again.    

"Of course. I swear...I will love you forever if you do this." She smiles hopefully at me, and suddenly...I can't say no.    

"I'll take care of everything." I force the best smile I can, and Lauren tackles me in a hug.        

Well, well, well...looks like I've got a wedding to plan.

****************************************************************     

"Look at this...we're not good enough for a real goodbye...we just get a note." Justin chuckles, then sits down across from me, bowl of cereal in hand.  "I already miss Laur...she makes me breakfast...unlike some people."     

He pouts at me playfully and I simply nod, not even bothering to tear my eyes away from my newspaper. I haven't had my minimum two cups of coffee yet, so I am in no mood for Justin and his sunshine and rainbows horse shit.  He used to be an unbearable bastard in the morning. You couldn't speak to him until he'd eaten and laid around for atleast an hour.    

The last several years, it's like he wakes up high on life...or maybe he's doing drugs. Who knows. But, nobody should be that chipper in the morning, it's just sick.    

"The whole thing's kind of stupid though, ya know?" He's been babbling since he walked in, and he shows no sign of stopping. Why do I live here?    

"I mean..we just had that huge ass party..what...two months ago? Flew all the families out and shit, for free, no less. Why do they need another party? It's not like they're fuckin royalty."    

"Apparently it's just a family thing." I shrug and sip my coffee. "They didn't even want us there."    

"Which is pretty shitty if you ask me." He mutters and rolls his eyes.    

I don't really know why he's being so bitter about this...personally..I don't see the issue. Sure, all of our families know each other really well, but as far as I know...it's pretty common for families to get together to celebrate this kind of thing.    

I think Justin's just being emo because he wasn't invited.    

"Do we have any wedding shit to do today?"    

"Not anything major..Laur wants us to come up with a list of music for the reception. She already picked out the father-daughter dance song, and the song for her and Trace's first dance, so the rest is pretty much up to us."    

"Maybe we need to seek some counseling for her. She's got to be on some heavy ass drugs for trusting us with this." He smirks at me and I can't help but giggle.    

"Yeah...two single people planning a wedding is just a disaster waiting to happen. Then throw in the fact that it's us...this might end up being the worst wedding in the history of marriage."    

"Way to be positive Al...I can't wait to see you get married."    

I glance at him over my paper and arch an eyebrow. "If...and that's a huge if...if I get married, I'm eloping."    

"Oh I think not...I'm seeing a big southern wedding for you...maybe a gone with the wind theme...huge dresses and shit."    

I scrunch up my nose at him and shake my head. He's a complete mental case, really...I don't know why I socialize with him. "Cute."    

"I prefer strikingly handsome...hot, maybe...definitely not cute."    

"Shut up and eat your cereal." I giggle at him and shake my head.    

I can already see that the next couple weeks are going to be interesting.

****************************************************************    

"Marvin Gaye? You can't be serious." I scratch the name out on the list before Justin yanks the notebook away from me.     

"Hell yes I'm serious!" He squeaks.     

We've been sitting on the floor in my room for almost four hours, going over every song either of us could think of, disagreeing the entire time.  Lauren had to have been out of her damn mind when she thought Justin and I could do this.     I mean...we bicker constantly...we have virtually nothing in common, especially musical taste. I can only imagine what's going to happen when we go to pick out flowers.     

"I'm calling Lauren." I mutter and reach for my phone. Unfortunately, he's quicker than I am, and grabs it first. "Are we in third grade again? Give me the damn phone, Justin."    

"Nah...I think I'll keep it. I could use a new phone, and this is a blackberry, after all."    

"Like you don't have four of them laying around in that mess you call a bedroom." I roll my eyes.     

I really don't get his deal today. It's like he's hell bent on irritating the shit out of me, and he's doing a fantastic job. I'm more than ready to rip every curl out of that over sized head of his.     

"True..but I like this one." He grins wickedly and starts browsing through my text messages.     

"Damnit Justin...give me the phone."    

"No."    

"Fine." I cross my arms over my chest and stare at him. The easiest way to get him to do what you want, is to ignore him.     

Sure, it's childish...but it's a trick Lynn taught me when I first started working for him. Getting him out of bed used to be a daily battle, he'd whine and complain the entire time, but once you ignored him, he'd get up and shower at lighting speed.    

I'm sure the same will apply for this little game as well.    

"Tell ya what, Ally Lynn...you want it so bad...come get it." He smirks at me, then shoves my phone into the waistband of his shorts.    

"You've got to be fucking kidding me...now I have to buy a new phone!"    

I can just see the headlines now, "Justin Timberlake found beaten to death in his own home, personal assistant lands in the nut house."    

But, the worst part...the way I've been feeling lately...I don't think I'd really mind having to get my phone out of his pants.    

Yes, I know just how awful that sounds, but the past few weeks...I've had a very slight physical attraction to my best friend.     

Now, I'm not falling in love by any means...hell...I don't even have romantic feelings toward the idiot...but damnit..he is attractive.     

Just the other day, he was outside playing basketball with Trace...shorts slung all low, shirt off, covered in sweat..the whole nine yards, and I couldn't help but look. The way his muscles flexed with every move he made, the perfect sculpted chest...even a blind woman would be staring.     

It was in that moment that I kind of saw what 90 percent of the female population goes so crazy over. The man is beautiful.     

Maybe it's my lack of a love life, or maybe I'm just losing my mind, but suddenly...I'm very aware of all things Justin Timberlake, and I'm more than a little worried.

"Twisted"-Carrie Underwood

It's all up in the air and we stand still to see what comes down
I don't know where it is, I don't know when, but I want you around
When it falls in place with you and I, we go from if to when
Your side and mine are both behind it's indication
She is everything I need that I never knew I wanted           

I've got it bad, and I'm not afraid to admit it.     

Everything about her is perfect. Perfect legs. Perfect ass. Perfect smile. Perfect hair. Perfect tits. You get the picture.    

She sweeps her long dark hair over her shoulder, exposing her neck, and it's all I can do to not reach out and touch her.  Damn, I've got it so bad.        

"You wanna get out of here?" She smiles at me, brown eyes shining.    

"Yeah. Your place ok? I don't live alone."    

"Do you have a girlfriend at home, Mr. Timberlake?"    

"Course not. Three of my friends live with me. Two are out of town, but there's still one there." Is it bad that I'm leaving out the fact that I live with two women? Probably.    

"Ah..got ya." She winks, then slides out of the booth. "My place it is, then."    

I really like this girl. Holly is the exact opposite of every woman I've ever dated.  She's smart, she's funny...she actually kind of reminds me of Ally in a weird way. Same sense of humor, I guess.    

Now that I'm thinking about it...I feel pretty shitty for leaving Ally home alone on a Friday night.  Especially since she's knee deep in wedding plans, but I couldn't cancel this date. I'd have been out of my damn mind if I did.  Not to mention the fact that I'm getting laid.    

Before I know it, I'm in Holly's bedroom, half naked.  She's all over me. Kissing, licking, sucking...I should be so into this, but my mind keeps drifting back to Ally.    

Tonight, she was calling the other bridesmaids to get their dress sizes, then calling the dress shop to set up the fittings. I think she had to call the caterer too, but I could be wrong.  She's probably totally miserable.    

I gotta hand it to the girl though. It's no secret that she really didn't want to do this, but she knew how much Lauren needed her, so she stepped up.    

Ally puts up a good front, but she really is one of the most sweet, and selfless people on the planet. You just have to get past that "I'm a hard ass" act, to really see it.    

I know she doesn't think so, but she's doing an amazing job of getting all of this put together. Lauren and Trace are going to have the perfect wedding, and it's all because of Ally.    

"Justin...I'm ready." Holly says from underneath me. I can't remember getting into bed, much less taking off the rest of my clothes.     

Get it together man...hot chick, practically begging you to fuck her brains out. Stop thinking about Ally.    

But, ya know...since she's doing so great with Lauren's wedding...I can't help but wonder how her own would turn out. I know she said all that bullshit about eloping, but really...I think deep down, Ally is just as girly as any other chick.     

She can deny it all she wants, but I guarantee she wants the whole knight in shining armor thing, just like every other woman on the planet.     

I will say this though...she's gonna make some guy insanely happy one day, but he better do the same for her. I really want to see her happy.    

I look down and can't help but smile. "Hi."    

"Hi." She grins back at me, just as I slide in.    

"You alright?"    

"Perfect." She presses her lips to mine and I can't ignore the chill that just ran down my back. This might be a little more than just good sex.    

"Damn Ally..."  It isn't until that exact moment that I realize, I wanna be the guy treating her like a princess. I wanna be the guy that she makes insanely happy.    

"WHAT?!?!" Holly shrieks and pushes me off of her.    

"Huh?" I stumble off the bed and rub the back of my head nervously. What the hell just happened?    

She's pelting me with my own clothes and screaming like a damn banshee, and I haven't got a clue why.    

"Never in my life have I had a man do that to me...and you won't even admit it!"    

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about!" I can't help but scream at her, she's confusing the hell out of me. I mean seriously, is this bitch off her rocker? Everything was fine...I don't get it.    

"Who is she, Justin?"    

"Who's who?"    

"Ally! You kept saying her name...at first I thought I was just hearing things, but when you didn't stop..."        

Oh shit.    

Holly continues to pace around the room, screaming like an idiot, while my knees buckle underneath me and I collapse onto the bed.     

Shit, shit, shit.    

This is bad...no, horrible...catastrophic, even. I can't...no...there's no...how...I can't... I mean...I can't have feelings for Ally...can I?    

No.    

I'm just feeling guilty because I'm out, having a good time, and she's stuck at home, planning a wedding that isn't hers. But...I swear, when I looked down...it wasn't Holly...it was Ally.    

Ally was the one whispering my name, over and over. Ally was the one, clawing at my back. Ally...it was all Ally.    

No, there's no way this is happening. It's just because she's been on my mind all night. It's just my conscience trying to make me feel bad.    

But damnit, I really liked seeing her under me like that. Hearing her say my name...having her look at me like I was the only thing in the world she needed.    

Fuck.    

This is bad.    

This is so bad.

*****************************************************************************    

I should have known sleep wouldn't come easy tonight. Well...I guess if you want to get technical, it's not coming at all.    

Luckily, Ally was already in bed by the time I got home. I really just wasn't up to facing her as soon as I walked in.     

I'm not even sure I want to face her in the morning.    

I laid in bed for almost two hours before I finally gave up on even trying to sleep. I just keep going over what happened at Holly's in my head.     

Everything was going the way it should have...the way I wanted it too, but I screwed up.    Maybe, if I did have feelings for Ally, I'd understand it...but I don't.     

Atleast, I think I don't.        

I mean...yeah...she's pretty. Well...more than pretty, really...she's gorgeous. She has this amazing, silky, shiny, dark brown hair that always manages to frame her face perfectly.

She has probably the most flawless skin I've ever seen. I know it sounds weird, but it's true. I don't think I've ever seen a single blemish on that face in all the years I've known her.

What really sets her features off though, are those eyes. They're this dark shade of green and have a slight glimmer to them anytime she smiles.

Deep down, she's really sweet, even if she doesn't show it all the time. She's probably the funniest chick I know.     

The biggest thing though...she gets me. She always has. Sometimes, I swear she can read my mind. I can sit there, with the biggest smile on my face, but Ally would know if something was wrong.     

She's always supported me in everything I've done. When everybody told me I was an idiot for leaving the group, she had my back. She stood up for me.     

When you get right down to it...Ally's amazing.    

However, even with all of her good qualities, there's just as many bad ones.     

For starters, she's so damn sarcastic. It's like no matter what you say to her, she's got to be a smart ass. I know she thinks it's funny, but sometimes I kind of want to slap her.     

She has a tendency to take work way too seriously. I know her job is important. God knows where I'd be without her or Trace, but she takes it to the extreme sometimes. Work almost becomes this huge, end all, be all thing for her.     

I know I'm pretty addicted to my work, but Ally makes me look like a slacker sometimes.    

She's so hard on herself too, and it's not just with work.  I really try to not harp on her about finding a man, but when I do bring it up, she acts like she doesn't deserve to be in a relationship. She's got this idea stuck in her head that she needs to have all her shit together before she can date.    

I mean, yeah...that's not a bad idea to have...but she lets it take over. I think it's her defense mechanism. She's never been in one of those soul crushing, die without this person relationships, and really...I think she's afraid of it. She's incredibly strong willed and independent. I think she's just scared of letting somebody get in her head.    

Now that I'm thinking about it...Ally's bad qualities really aren't so terrible. I mean...it could be so much worse. Plus, all of that stuff could be dealt with. It'd just take some time and patience.     

I'd have no problem dealing with that stuff, as long as I got the good with it.    I just can't figure out why this is hitting me now. We've been friends for over 20 years, why now?    

Hell...just why? Why her? Why me? Why now? Just...why?    

I can't make sense of any of it.    But, I do know one thing. As confused as I am...I'm not complaining.    

I don't think I could ever do better than Alexandra Lawson. Even if I tried. ****************************************************************************       

"Since when are you up this early?" Ally pads into the kitchen, and I jump slightly.        

It's almost seven in the morning...I definitely wasn't expecting her to be awake yet. She's one of those sleep till noon types. Unless of course, she's working. Then, she's up before dawn everyday, no matter what time she went to bed the night before. Honestly, I don't know how she does it. I need atleast eight hours of sleep to function properly.    

"Couldn't sleep."  I mumble, making it a point to not look at her.     

"Great. You're going to be a joy to be around all day." I can't see it, but I know she's rolling her eyes at me.

"You want coffee or anything?"    

"Nah, I'm cool."    

I swear, she's the only person I've ever known who thinks coffee is an acceptable meal. Even when we're on the road, you have to practically pry the coffee cup from her hands and force her to eat actual food. But, when she does eat...damn. The girl has a fantastic body, but she can pack it away with the best of them.    

"If you say so. Anyway..at two we have an appointment with the caterer, then we're going to drop off the flower order. Once all of that's done...we need to come back here and finish the music list for the reception." She sets up the coffee maker, then turns to face me. "Without arguing this time."    

"Cool." I shrug. Once again, I know she's rolling her eyes at me. She does that alot.    

I know it's my own fault, but I don't know how to act around her. Sure..with any other girl, I'd turn on the charm and flirt my way into her pants...but this is all so new to me. Plus...it's Ally.    

The nonsense that's worked on other girls, won't work with her. She knows me too well, and really...she's too good for that. Ally's the type of girl that needs to be treated well and respected.    

Then again...do I even really want to make a move on her? If I did something stupid, or she doesn't feel the same, I could ruin one of the most important things in my life.     

Damnit..Lauren and Trace need to come home already. I need somebody to help me figure this mess out. Those two would make a really good distraction too.    

With them back, I wouldn't be alone with Ally 24 hours a day. I wouldn't be thinking about her constantly, and we wouldn't be planning a wedding together.     

I know it's only been two days, but if this is what can happen in just two days...I'm not too thrilled to see what the next 12 have in store.

"She Is"-The Fray

You make me sick
I want you and I'm hatin it
         

Lauren owes me so huge. We're talking...insanely huge...worshipping the ground I walk on, huge.     

The woman from the catering business is an absolute nightmare. Lauren called them weeks ago to set up this appointment, but they've somehow lost the paperwork. Luckily, Lauren had them fax her a copy, so I was able to show them proof that we did indeed, have an appointment today.     

Lauren also has everything she wants neatly written down. All I should have had to do was come in, schedule the date, create the menu, and be on my merry little way...but of course not. Nothing in my life ever goes smoothly.    

Here I sit, in a super uncomfortable plastic chair, waiting for them to call my name. I thought Justin would find some way to be entertaining, but he's spent the entire day acting like a freaking weirdo.     

I've tried, god knows how many times, to strike up a conversation, but all I get are one word answers, or indifferent shrugs. I guess his date last night didn't go so well.    

"Ms. Lawson...they found the paperwork for the Parker-Ayala wedding...they're ready for you now." The receptionist calls out and I can't help the sigh of relief that escapes me.    

"Thank god." I mutter as I stroll up to her desk, Justin on my heels. She leads us down a small hallway and into an office where the devil woman is seated behind quite possibly the smallest desk I've ever seen.        

I wonder if Lauren knows she's hired the most rinky-dink caterer in Los Angeles.    

Almost two hours pass before we're finally out of that hell hole. Sandy, who happens to own the catering business, refused to agree to anything Lauren had wanted.    

Honestly, it's not like she was asking for anything too outrageous. A salad bar, buffet stocked with steak, chicken, vegetables and other various side items.    

Unfortunately for Ms. Sandy, I'm used to dealing with stuck up assholes who don't know the meaning of the word compromise, so I argued my way through it and managed to get everything Lauren wanted.    

One point, Lawson. Shitty catering business...zilch.    

I guess I could have been a bit nicer, but after spending three hours in that god foresaken place, I was ready to get the hell out of there.         

I grab my purse and the binder full of Lauren's wedding stuff, then head for the door, Justin trailing behind me. He's been completely useless through all of this, and I'm just itching to find out why.        

Once we're in the Escalade, he immediately cranks the radio. Naturally, I turn it down in an attempt to avoid having my seat vibrate. We've got a 45 minute drive to the flower shop, and my head is already pounding. I don't need 50 Cent added to it.    

"What exactly is your deal today?" I ask suddenly. Obviously, he isn't going to talk about whatever has crawled up his ass and died today, so I had to bring it up.    

"Nothing. Why?" He glances at me quickly, before setting his sight back on the road.    

"You're acting really weird Justin. Did your date last night go that badly?"    

He winces, and I feel kind of bad. I guess I haven't exactly been helping matters with all of my bitching today.    

"Yeah...it wasn't pretty." He rolls his eyes and shrugs. "It's alright though. I'll get over it."    

"What happened?"        

Honestly...I don't want to know, but I'm trying to do the friend thing here. Lately, the thought of him with another woman kind of makes me want to hit someone, but I'm not about to let him know that. I don't even like admitting it to myself, but unfortunately, my physical attraction to my best friend seems to be moving into romantic feelings territory, and I'm all kinds of confused.    

He tenses visibly at my question, and lets out a loud sigh. I can tell he's trying to figure out how to say what he's thinking, and he bites his lip.     

"She was way too into the whole fame and money thing."    

"Aww...I'm sorry J."    

"It's cool. Like I said, I'll get over it." He nods, then stops at a red light. "I guess I should let you screen all my dates, huh?" He chuckles quietly.    

Oh, that is so not a good idea. If he has me screening his dates, he won't be dating at all. Ever.    

"Yeah..maybe." I smile, then turn to look out the window.     

I really need Lauren to come back home. I am in major need of some advice, and she's the only person I could trust with something this big.

*****************************************************************        

Things at the flower shop went much easier than things with the caterer. We went in, picked out the correct Orchids and Lilies, instructed that half be dyed the exact shade of lavender,the other half, white, then gave them the wedding date, and were out of there.     

I don't know how people plan these enormous weddings all the time. Granted, Lauren and Trace aren't having an insanely large wedding, but it's pretty big.     

It's only been a few days, and I'm not even half into some of what I have to do, but I can feel my stress level rising every day.     

"You wanna get started on the music stuff?" Justin enters the living room and turns off the TV.    

"Yeah...everything's still in my room. I'll go get it."    

"It's cool...we'll just go up there." He shrugs and heads for the steps. I set my book down and follow him.    

It's stupid, but I'm a little nervous about having him in my bedroom. He's been in here a million times in the five years I've lived here..hell...he helped me paint the walls, but...this is just different. I'm not just in here with my best friend.     

I'm in my room alone, with a man who I'm quickly developing major feelings for, and I'm not sure I can trust myself completely.     

He plops down on the floor with his cd binder and starts flipping through it. I grab a pen and notebook off my desk and sit across from him.        

"I guess Eminem is out of the question?" He grins stupidly at me and I shake my head.    

"Lauren would kill you. Trace would love it."    

"I'll take my chances then." He laughs and quickly scribbles it down. "Ya know...most people only pick out certain songs for the dances and stuff, then let the DJ do his own thing."    

"Laur's weird." I shrug and start flipping through Lauren's cd binder. "Oh! I think we need to play this entire album at the reception." I grin wickedly and hold up the first Nsync album.    

"Funny." Justin rolls his eyes at me and I can't help but giggle.    

"C'mon! The guys will be there...you all could go into boyband mode for us."    

"You're gonna get your ass kicked, Ally Lynn."    

"Don't be ashamed of your roots, Justin. Your Momma taught you better than that."    

He looks at me for a few minutes, then rolls his eyes and smiles. "I'm warning you Ally...."    

"And I'm so scared."     

"You should be." He sets the cd case down, and props himself up on his knees.   

Ok...now I am slightly worried. If he gets too close, I can't be held accountable for my actions. Especially since he's running around in track pants and a wife beater.     

"Put the cd back Al." He folds his arms over his chest and stares down at me.     

Against my better judgement, I put the cd in the stereo, but don't hit play just yet. I'm going to see just how far I can push him.     

He inches toward me, and I reach for the stereo remote. Eventually one of us will back down, and we'll continue to bicker over music choices...right?    

He shoots me another warning glance as my finger hovers over the play button. Before I can press down, he's tackled me and I'm flat on my back.    

He's nuts if he thinks he's getting the remote.    

"I told ya Al...I don't want to kick your ass, but it looks like I'm gonna have to." He smirks at me and pins both of my arms down.     

I finally hit play and the opening notes of I Want You Back filter through the speakers. He rolls his eyes and quickly hits the stop button.    

"Exactly how do you plan on kicking my ass like this?"     

"I'm thinking." He mutters, and while he's distracted, I surge forward, pushing him to the ground and now he's on his back.     

I plop down on his stomach and giggle when he lets out a grunt. "Oh please...I'm not that heavy."    

"That's what you think."    

"Are you saying I'm fat?"    

"Nope...just heavy."     

"Hey!" I slap his shoulder and he winces in pain.     

I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I really don't. We play fight all the time...but this is a little beyond that. I guess I'm attempting to flirt...but it just seems so awkward. I feel like an idiot.    

"I'm kidding...you're not heavy. Promise." He shoots me a cheesy smile, and I can't help but laugh.     

"You're a dork...you know that?"    

"Yep...but you love me."    

"If that's what helps you sleep at night." I shrug and quickly remove myself from his stomach and back to my spot, far away from him.    

After a few more hours and several heated arguments, we finally finished the music list for the reception. I think we did a pretty damn good job, but I'm sure Lauren will come home and change half of it.    

Luckily, Justin kept his distance the rest of the night, and I didn't do anything too stupid.     

I guess it's weird to not enjoy having feelings for someone, but I'm known for being pretty strange.    

I really don't want to feel this way about him. I'd rather things stayed the way they are, for numerous reasons.    

The first, of course, being that he's my best friend. We've been friends practically all our lives. He's almost part of my family if you think about it. He knows every single detail of my life, and I trust him more than I trust my own parents. I don't want to lose that because I let my heart do the thinking instead of my head.    

There's also the fact that he's my boss. I may have more control over his career than he does sometimes, but he's the one in charge. He signs my paychecks, so what he says, goes.      

Not to mention the fact that, I live with him. I don't necessarily need to live in a damn mansion, but I've grown to love this house.    

The four of us picked out everything in it, and did all of the decorating and painting together.     

When Justin bought the house, he complained that the houses he'd previously owned, never really felt like home.    

So, we did everything we could to make this house as homey as possible. We did an awesome job, if I do say so myself. You can see shades of all four of us in every room.    

There's just too much for me to lose if I let my feelings get in the way. I couldn't care less about the material things, but I can't stand the thought of losing my best friend, my job and my home, all at once.    

I know Justin would never fire me, or kick me out, but I would have to quit and move out.     

I don't think I could handle being rejected, then having to face him every day.    

Lauren really needs to get her ass home already. I swear, I'm losing my mind over all of this Justin nonsense.    

But then again, do I really want to tell Lauren? I mean..she's like a sister to me and God knows I trust her...but this...I just don't know. I can see her getting overly excited at the prospect of a potential relationship between Justin and I, then telling Trace, and it's common knowledge that Trace can't keep his damn mouth shut to save his life.    

In 20 some odd years, it's never failed. You can keep a secret for months, but if that little troll finds out, suddenly the entire world knows.     

When we were kids, 90 percent of the time the four of us were in trouble, was because Trace let something slip.    

I'll never forget the three months I was grounded during junior year, because Trace told my Daddy that we'd gone cow tipping.    

If there was ever a time I almost killed someone, that was it.    However, I do love the midget...just not enough to trust him with something like this, because the first thing he'd do is spill his guts to Justin, and there is absolutely no way I'm letting that happen.    

Maybe I should just keep all of this to myself, because I know for a fact that I sure as hell ain't letting it slip.    

"You Make Me Sick"-Pink

The whole world could change in a minute
Just one kiss could stop it spinning
We could think it through
But I don't want to, if you don't want to
We could keep things just the same
Leave here the way we came
with nothing to lose
But I don't want to, if you don't want to
         

"I so knew this would happen!" Lauren squeals excitedly into the phone, and I pinch the bridge of my nose, hoping to relieve some of the tension in my head.    

"Spare me the 'I told you so' bullshit, Laur. I really don't need it right now."      

Unfortunately, Lauren is one of those people who's been telling me for years, that I was wasting my time on the women I dated. She's always said Ally and I were made for each other, I just didn't want to listen, and I don't need her throwing it in my face now. This is hard enough.     

"Oh come on, Justin! Don't be such a drama queen. This is exciting! You should be happy."    

"I never said I wasn't....I just... I'm scared and I don't know what to do." I whine pathetically, and she laughs at me.        

She actually has the nerve to laugh at me. After all I've done for her, she thinks this is funny.     

I was the one she came to when she realized she had a thing for Trace. I was the one who encouraged her to tell him, because I knew he was fucking crazy about her. I supported her 110 percent, and she laughs at me, when I'm in almost the same boat she was four years ago?    What the hell, man?    

I always thought there was a bitch, under that sweet, bubbly exterior.    Why did I even call her?    

"You're just confused. This is all really new...you don't know how she feels, and you're worried it could change things between you." She says simply, and I find myself nodding, even though she can't see it. "Trust me...I know how you feel, Justin. I've been through it."    

"That was different." I mutter, and she laughs again. This woman is pure evil.    

"Maybe a little, but not really. Of course...nobody ever thought Trace and I would end up together."    

"Whatever." I scoff and roll my eyes for the millionth time during this conversation.    

"Honestly J...I'm kinda proud of you. It took me a really long time to figure out how I felt about Trace. You've been alone with her for a week, and you already know how you feel. I'm impressed."    

"It wasn't that hard to figure out. Especially after the date from hell."    She giggles at that and I shake my head.     

"Whatever happens...you have to promise me that Ally hears that story someday...I mean really...that's one for the record books...a woman refusing Justin Timberlake. It's classic."    

"Nah...don't think so." I chuckle and can hear several voices behind her.    

"Well Jus...I better get going. And don't worry...this stays between us. Promise."    

"Good. Thanks Laur."        

"It's nothing. If you need anything else, give me a call. Anyway, I'll see you in a week or so."    

"Yep." I snap the phone shut and settle back into the couch.    

I probably shouldn't have called Lauren and spilled my guts like that, she's got so much going on...she doesn't need to worry about me and my drama too. But, I had to tell someone.     

Telling my mother was out of the question. She'd just get all excited and start planning our wedding...then she'd have to tell the Lawson's, and God knows, one of Ally's big mouth brothers would call and tell her.    

Naturally...telling Ally wasn't even a thought.    

I guess I could have told Trace. I know he's pretty shitty with secrets sometimes...but when it comes to me...he keeps his mouth shut, but I just would have felt too weird talking to him about it. He never came to me about Lauren, so going to him about Ally would have been pretty awkward for me.    

That really only left Lauren, and I knew she'd understand. Like she said, she's been through it, and I had her back all the way.    

I just had to get it off my chest. I've been keeping it all bottled up for the past week, and it's really starting to fuck with me.    

I can't sleep at night, and during the day, I'm uptight and jumpy around Ally.    

I've never really been in a situation where I didn't know how to act. I've always been able to play it cool and think before I reacted. In my line of work, using your head, rather than your emotions, is kind of a requirement.    

Sure, there's been a few instances where I flew off the handle in public, but I like to think I've done a good job of keeping a level head when things got heated.    

I can usually react based off the vibes I get from the people around me, but I haven't even began to ponder if what I'm feeling, is all one sided.     

I've been too damn nervous around her to even try to look for signs. Unfortunately, me acting like a freak, has Ally on the alert and she's been bugging the shit out of me, trying to figure out what my problem is.            

In a way, I want to tell her. Just pour my heart out and get everything out in the open. But I wouldn't even know where to start.    

The slamming of the front door is my warning that Ally's home, and obviously pissed about something. She had a fitting this afternoon for her dress, and I'm assuming it didn't go very well.     

Of course, I kind of expected that, with three of the six bridesmaids in Memphis at the big Parker-Ayala family shindig.     

All of this wedding stuff is really taking it's toll on her. The funny, sweet, amazing girl I'm falling for, has been replaced by one, who is constantly on edge and insanely bitchy.    

I know it's because she just doesn't want to screw this up. She knows how important it is to Lauren, and she doesn't want to let her down, but she really needs to chill out.    She storms into the kitchen, jerks open the fridge, and grabs a beer. She reenters the living room, and throws herself down on the couch, before downing half the bottle in one gulp.    

The funny thing is, she absolutely hates beer. Normally, I'd laugh...but I'm in no mood for physical abuse.    

"How'd it go?" I ask, as if I hadn't just watched her storm through the house like a fuckin tornado.    

"Oh, just perfect." She mutters sarcastically.    

She turns to face me, and I know I'm in for an ear full. Her face is flushed and she's breathing heavy, a sure sign that she's about two seconds away from really losing her shit.    

This should be fairly entertaining.    

"So far, none of the dresses matched, or even fit, for that matter. Two of them have to be completely re-done, and we won't know about the other three until everybody's back from Memphis.  Mine was too tight, but apparently that's how it's supposed to fit....Oh, and when I bent over to get my phone, to call Lauren and tell her about this disaster, the entire shop got quite the show when my boobs popped out of the top of my dress.  And, that of course, is when crazy dress woman agrees, that indeed, my dress is way too tight, and suggests I lose about 15 pounds before the wedding.  I mean seriously...this woman looked like a God damned toad...and she's telling me I need to lose weight. I realize I have a big ass, but come on!"    

I really don't know how she got all of that out so quickly, and in one breath. I'm trying really hard to not laugh at her, but I'm sure if she could hear herself, she'd get a good chuckle out of it too.    

She's actually kind of cute when she's all flustered.    

And call me a pervert...but I'm kind of enjoying the mental image I'm getting of the incident with Ally's dress. Kinda makes me wish I'd have tagged along, like she asked me too.    

"You need to take a day off from all of this." I smile sympathetically and she just shakes her head.    

"I promised Lauren I'd do this. I'm not going to back out just because I'm a little stressed. Hell...if I bailed when things got tough all the time, I'd have quit working for your ass years ago."    

"Good point." I nod and return my attention to the TV.    

"Sorry I've been kinda nuts, though. I know you're like ready to strangle me."    

"Nah...it's cool." I shrug and pat her knee reassuringly. "You've always been insane...and I've always wanted to strangle you. No real change there."        

She slaps my arm playfully and finally...she smiles.     

Ally's one of those women who is absolutely breathtaking when she smiles. Those amazing green eyes get this incredible shine to them, and her entire face lights up. She's almost a completely different person when she genuinely smiles.     

"I can't believe that woman said I was fat."    

And she's off again, ranting about what the media has done to the perception of the female body.     

In a way, I agree with her. I've never been a fan of those overly skinny chicks, who barely eat a thing, then freak out. It's pretty gross actually.     

I like a woman with curves, who can appreciate a bacon cheeseburger, and Ally..is definitely that type.        

She's thin, but she's got this really feminine softness to her body, curves in all the right places, and an ass that is to die for.     

Why didn't I realize 10 years ago just how hot she really is?  I'm a damn fool.    

Even though she's in a tirade, she seems to be relaxing and getting back to her normal self. Maybe not completely, but this is the most I've seen of the old Ally, probably since Lauren and Trace's engagement party.    

I think everything with those two kind of freaked her out. We're all getting older, looking to settle down, and I think she just wasn't ready for it yet.    

Lauren and Trace's marriage is going to turn all of our lives upside down, and it's going to suck...alot.     

We've all gotten so used to constantly being together, and I think Ally doesn't want that to change. I really don't either, but I know it has to.    

"You want to order pizza or something? I'm starving."    

"Yeah, that's cool." I shrug and continue to flip channels.    

I swear to God, cable is useless. There's never anything on, and when there is...there's ten million commercials. I finally settle on a re-run of Law and Order, then toss the remote on the table.    

You can never fail with Law and Order man. It's on like 24 hours a day.    

"I talked to Johnny today." Ally says suddenly, diverting my attention from Ice-T beating the hell out of a murder suspect.    

"Oh yeah?"    

"Yep. He's booking more studio time for as soon as Trace gets back. Apparently the label wants to lay down the demo you sent them a couple weeks ago?"   She arches an eyebrow at me and I realize that was more of a question than a statement.     

"Yeah...looks like they're getting what they wanted." I sigh and roll my eyes.    

I don't like admitting it...but the label really does have me by the balls. Granted, if I really wanted to, I could put up my own money and do whatever I wanted, but that's just too much stress on me, and I'm not sure I could handle it.    

So, I finally broke down and wrote yet another song about the bitch who did me wrong.    

Surprisingly...it might be the best thing I've done in my career, thus far. I don't know how, but it all just came together and I was really pleased with the rough demo I recorded in the small studio I have set up in the basement.     

With all of the wedding hoopla, then Lauren and Trace leaving, I guess I just forgot to mention it.    

"Can I hear it?"    

"Yeah..after we eat, I'll play it for you."    

Ally orders our pizza and we sit talking, until it shows up. We eat quietly, one of us making a comment about some random shit every so often.     

I could actually really get used to this. Just sitting around with Ally, no awkwardness or stress. It's nice and it just feels...right.     

But...if there's too many more nights like this, I'm not sure I'll be able to keep my emotions, or my hands in check.      

Once we finished off most of the pizza and cleaned up the mess, Ally and I headed down to the basement. I sat down at the piano and patted the spot next to me on the bench, and she plops down beside me.    

Ally is one of the very few people I've ever let come down here. When her, Lauren and Trace moved in, my only rule was that my basement studio was strictly off limits.     I know it sounds stupid, but this studio is the one thing in my life that I can truly have to myself. It's kind of like my sanctuary.     

I can come down here to work, be alone, and just get some time to think without being interrupted.    When you're constantly surrounded by a million people and have virtually no privacy, something like this ends up being pretty precious.    

Come to think of it, Ally and Momma are the only two people who have ever set foot in this studio, and the only time Mom was in it was when I first had the house built.  Ally's been down here a million times though. I guess I just like having her around when I work.    

I know she'll always give me her honest opinion. If something I do really sucks, she has no problem telling me.    

"Alright...let's hear it, piano man." She giggles as I brush my fingers over the keys lightly.     

"You gotta promise to tell me the truth."    

"Promise." She says seriously.    

I nod and take a deep breath, then place my fingers back on the keys. The haunting melody that I've memorized over the last couple weeks, rings out through the house and I get ready to put everything I have into this little performance.

Hey girl, is he everything you wanted in a man?
You know I gave you the world
You had me in the palm of your hand
So why your love went away
I just can't seem to understand
Thought it was me and you babe
Me and you until the end
But I guess I was wrong

Don't want to think about it
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can't do without ya
Tell me is this fair?
    

I know it's just me and Ally here, but for some reason...I feel like this is one of those songs that requires everything I have. It's almost like I have to do it justice or something.

Is this the way it's really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should've known better when you came around
That you were gonna make me cry
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around
'Cause I know that you're living a lie
That's okay baby 'cause in time you will find...
    

Ally is completely silent beside me, and I'm almost afraid to look at her. I put a lot of work into this, and I'm damn proud of how it turned out. I don't think I could handle her hating it.

What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
    

I finally muster up the courage to glance over at her. She's staring right back at me, and doesn't even try to hide the tears in her eyes.     

Our eyes finally meet and for some reason, I can't look away. I don't know what I'm seeing in her steady gaze, but I've never seen it before. Her face is blank, but there's definitely something in those eyes.

Now girl, I remember everything that you claimed
You said that you were moving on now
And maybe I should do the same
Funny thing about that is
I was ready to give you my name
Thought it was me and you, babe
And now, it's all just a shame
And I guess I was wrong        

I don't think I've ever felt anything this intense with her, or anyone else, for that matter. I probably should have just played her the demo, but this just seemed more appropriate. I just wish I could figure out what she's thinking.

You spend your nights alone
And he never comes home
And every time you call him
All you get's a busy tone
I heard you found out
That he's doing to you
What you did to me
Ain't that the way it goes
        

I can almost see the wheels turning in that twisted head of hers, but for the first time in over two decades, I can't read my best friend.

When you cheated girl
My heart bleeded girl
So it goes without saying that you left me feeling hurt
Just a classic case
A scenario
Tale as old as time
Girl you got what you deserved

And now you want somebody
To cure the lonely nights
You wish you had somebody
That could come and make it right

But girl I ain't somebody With a lot of sympathy
You'll see
You should've listened to me, baby

Because
What goes around comes back around    

I finally hit the last several notes, and the room is dead silent. Ally swallows hard and finally looks away from me.     

She stares at her feet and tugs awkwardly at her hair. I'm dying for her to say something...even if it's just to say she hated it.    We sit in silence for what feels like hours before she finally speaks up.     

"Justin...that was....wow." She shakes her head and wipes the tears from her eyes, then looks up at me again. "I mean...I knew she messed you up.. I guess I just didn't know it was that awful."    

"I loved her." I shrug lamely and Ally shoots me a small, sympathetic smile.    

"I know. I just wish she would have loved you back. It broke my heart when Trace called me that night and told me what happened...you deserve so much better than that, and she must have been out of her fucking mind. Still is, obviously. And one day...she's going to see exactly what she gave up."    

"Thanks Al." I smile and throw an arm around her shoulders, pulling her against my side.     

Ally's not the type to get sappy, so you know when she says anything remotely involving emotions, she really means it.    

I always knew she had a major issue with Britney cheating on me, I guess I just never realized exactly how protective she is, of me.    

I actually kind of like knowing that it got to her that much. I mean, I don't want her to be upset about it or anything, but it's nice to know when somebody really cares about you, and wants you to be happy.       

"Justin...I mean it. That girl...I just...I can't believe anybody could be that stupid." She looks up at me, and bites her lip.    

When I look back at her, the urge to kiss her is almost unbearable. I want to...more than anything, but I just can't bring myself to actually do it.    

Normally, she'd have moved away from me by now, but she's still pressed against me and doesn't show any signs of moving.  Of course, I'm not complaining in the least.    

"Justin..."    I hum out a response and look over at her again. Before I even realize it, her lips are planted firmly on mine and she coaxes my mouth open with her tongue before slipping it inside.        

Never in my life has a woman taken the control and kissed me like this, and the fact that it's Ally, makes it that much better.    

Without breaking our contact, she straddles my lap and slides her arms around my neck. Somewhere in the back of my mind, a voice is telling me that I'm dreaming, because nobody gets this lucky.    

My hands seem to move of their own accord when they slip under her shirt to skim along her spine.  I can't help but smile against her mouth at the small moans coming from her when I hit just the right spot on her back.    

I don't know where she plans on taking this, but if she stays on my lap like this, making all of those little noises, it could get a little awkward.  I can already feel that familiar strain building up, and I'm getting a tad nervous.    

I really don't know how she'd react to something like that, so I do the most logical thing I can think of, and pull away from her.    

Her lips are a little swollen, and her face is flushed, but she's the most absolutely gorgeous thing I've ever seen.     

"You wanna go upstairs?" She asks in almost a whisper.    

Needless to say, I'm more than just a little shocked. I never expected her to be this bold, but I'm so, so, so glad she is. She's doing all of the things I've been agonizing over doing for the past week, and in a way...I feel kind of stupid that she's the one making the move here.    

But, on the other hand...it's pretty sexy.  I can't explain it, but a woman with confidence is a major turn on, and right now, Ally is more confident than I've ever seen her, about anything.    

I finally get my wits about me enough to nod, and follow her like a damn puppy when she slides off my lap, takes my hand in hers, and leads me to my own bedroom.    

For the first time in God knows how long, it's actually relatively clean and there isn't a bunch of random shit laying around.    

She pulls me down onto the bed with her, and this time, she's placing kisses all along my neck and jaw line.      

I'm still in shock when she crawls on top of me, straddling my waist once again. This time, my hands get a little more adventurous and slide up the front of her shirt to cup her breasts.        

She lets out another low moan upon the contact and I find myself doing the same.     She finally stops her attack on my neck, and stares down at me.    

Dear God, please don't let her be changing her mind. We may still be fully clothed, but for me...there's no turning back now.    

Without a word, she pulls her black tank top over her head and tosses it on the floor. Her mouth crashes against mine again and my hands travel down her stomach to the waistband of her jeans.     

In an instant, I've got them unbuttoned and unzipped and I'm sliding them down her perfectly smooth legs.  She kicks them off quickly, before pulling away from my mouth and leaning back, giving me enough room to sit up.     

She removes my shirt and tosses it in the same direction as hers, then pushes me onto my back once more.    

Her hands fly to the button on my jeans and she has mine off, almost as quickly as I did hers.    

If I didn't know any better, I'd swear she planned this. She has on this black and pink, lacy bra and panties.    

Ally's never really struck me as the sexy underwear type, and this is definitely the kind of thing a woman would put on, when she plans on letting someone see it.     

But then again, in the past half an hour, Ally has proved that I don't know her as well as I thought I did.        

I've finally had enough of taking things at her pace, and roll us over so that I'm not on top of her.            

She giggles and slaps my arm playfully. "Who said you could do that?"    

"Me." I grin at her and slide my arms under her back. I am determined to get that bra off without making her sit up.    

I mean yeah...it's nice to look at and everything, but I'm much more interested in what's underneath it. It only takes a minute before I've successfully undone the clasp and it loosens on her.     

She pulls the straps down her arms, being extra careful to keep herself covered.    She's teasing me, and the smirk on her face just proves that she's doing it on purpose. She has to know this little game isn't going to last long. I need to be inside of her, and I don't think I can hold out too much longer.    

"Jus.."She says softly and I smile down at her, as she slowly removes her bra and throws it on the floor.     

I can't exactly wrap my head around this just yet...I mean really, it's pretty hard to believe. Especially since this has all been going so quickly.     

Just two weeks ago...she was my best friend, nothing more...and now...now she's laying under me, naked, and I'm about to sleep with her.        

Either I'm the luckiest bastard alive, or someone is playing an incredibly cruel joke on me.     

Part of me knows, I should slow down and really think this through...but Ally doesn't seem to have any doubts, so why should I?    

When I finally slide inside of her, that's it for me. There's no way I can stay just friends with this woman, because I am completely and hopelessly in love with her.    

And suddenly.... I'm not scared anymore.

"Want To"-Sugarland

"What Goes Around, Comes Around"-Justin Timberlake

Ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny
And you can't move on even though you try
Ain't it strange when you're feeling things you shouldn't feel
I wish this could be real
Ain't it funny how a moment could just change your life
And you don't wanna face what's wrong or right

        

Waking up in a bed that's not my own, isn't something I'm used to.  I can count the times it has happened on one hand, and I'm pretty proud of that fact. It seems nowadays, that the "in" thing to do is sleep with almost anyone who crosses your path...I don't know how it works in the rest of the world, but in L.A, people are more prone to sleeping around.        

Maybe it's those southern values my parents worked so hard to instill in me, but I refuse to let myself do that. I have way too much self respect to put out for any guy who comes my way.    

I guess it's a good thing that Justin isn't just any guy.  

I really don't know what the hell I was thinking last night. I practically threw myself at him, and that is something I've never done.   The weirdest part though...I don't regret it one bit.     

Granted, I'm still trying to get my head straight and figure out exactly what it is I feel for him, but I don't regret any of what happened last night.     

I don't know what's going to happen now, but I'm sure some long, drawn out, dramatic conversation is in my very near future.    

I don't necessarily want to have the big talk..but I understand why it should happen. We crossed a major line in our friendship, and there's really no telling what affect it will have on us.    

I just hope he knows I don't expect anything from him. We could both pretend nothing ever happened, and yeah...I might not like it, but if that's what he wants, I'm going to have to accept it.    

For all I know, he has no feelings other than friendship toward me, and just saw last night as an opportunity for an easy lay.    

I don't want to think he'd use me like that, but he is a man, and it's a well known fact that they don't always think with the head on their shoulders.    

I've spent the last hour debating over whether or not I should stay here. I could definitely use a shower and I have a few things to take care of for Lauren today.     

However, I am way too comfortable to move, and I'd kind of like to see how Justin reacts when he wakes up.  I don't expect him to profess his undying love for me or anything, but I can't really see him waking up and acting like last night never happened.    

He's far too emotional and dramatic for that.     

I never really understood how people can lay around for hours, watching someone else sleep.  First off, it's boring as all hell. I mean really...there isn't much to see...unless of course they start drooling or something.    

Come to think of it, I'd almost prefer it if Justin did start drooling, rather than listen to his incessant snoring.  It kept me awake most of the night and he's still going strong.     

Minus the snoring, I guess he is kind of cute when he sleeps, even though his mouth is hanging wide open and there's a few creases on his face from the pillow.     

He has this almost child-like innocence about him. Too bad I know it's nowhere near being true.    

I guess it's just kind of cool to know that I'm seeing something not many people get to see. But then again...nobody really gets to see the Justin I see on a daily basis.     

To the rest of the world, he's the cocky, womanizing pop star, but here...he's my best friend.        

He does have his cocky bastard tendencies, but for the most part...he's fairly normal, I suppose.     

However, he does have the ability to drive me absolutely insane. It usually happens when we're on the road, but there are times at home where I'd love nothing more than to kill him with my bare hands.    

He's used to being waited on like a king, and frankly...I see no point in fueling his ego. Lauren, sometimes will play into his demands, but I refuse to.    

If it's outside the realm of my job description, he can take care of it his damn self.     

He finally begins to stir, and I can feel the knots building up in my stomach. I could just be acting like a paranoid freak, but I'm terrified of what's going to happen when he wakes up.    

Things could go a number of different ways, and every one of them scares the hell out of me.     

Without opening his eyes, he reaches out and pulls me against him and his hands start to wander, before a frown takes over his features.    

"You're dressed." He whines and I can't help but roll my eyes.    

"I got dressed last night."     

His eyes finally open and he smiles lazily at me. "You're no fun, Ally Lynn."    

"Justin...sleeping naked is gross, seriously. Besides..when was the last time you washed these sheets? God only knows what's on them." I make a disgusted face, and he just laughs.    

"You weren't complaining about the sheets last night."        

I almost want to slap him for that. He's being arrogant and it's starting to piss me off. If he says so much as one word about "scoring", or "making a conquest", I'll go pack my shit and leave so quick, his head will spin.     

He's not going to treat me like one of his usual skanks, who have no problem being degraded because they got to sleep with Justin Timberlake.     

"Kidding, Al." He nudges me lightly and smiles. He kisses my forehead, and slowly makes his way down to my neck.    

The sensible part of me knows I need to stop this. Yes...last night was incredible, but I'm not the type of girl who can just sleep with someone, no strings attached.     

However, my body doesn't seem to agree with my mind, and I can feel myself giving in to him.         

I don't think I've ever felt as comfortable with any man, as I do with Justin. Sex has always made me feel kind of awkward...not that I didn't enjoy it, but it just always felt weird to make myself that vulnerable.    

With Justin, it's a completely different experience.     

Of course, it'd be almost impossible to not enjoy sex with a man who looks like Justin, has those hands, and that mouth.     

I don't know why, but any time he touches me, it feels like my entire body is on fire...in a really, really good way.    

He grabs me by the hips and lifts me onto his lap, then smiles at me.         

"My pajamas look good on you."    

I smirk and look down at the blue boxers and over sized Tennessee Titans t-shirt I'm wearing. I'm pretty sure I bought this shirt for him, I just don't remember when.    

I probably should have just thrown on my own clothes when I got cold, but sleeping in jeans is quite possibly the most uncomfortable thing in the world, so I just grabbed the first thing I found in his drawer. I've worn his clothes dozens of times, so it didn't seem like a big deal.        

"I got cold." I shrug. He runs his hands up and down my thighs a few times, before settling them on my hips.    

"You got any wedding stuff to do today?"        

"Nothing major. Addressing the invitations and sending them out. I still have a couple days before I really need to do it, but I just want to get it out of the way."    

"How about you put them off until tomorrow, and we stay here all day?" He smiles hopefully at me.    

I'm not quite sure how to react to that. On one hand, it's absolutely adorable that he'd want to spend the entire day, laying around with me, but on the other...it kind of feels like he's trying to cheapen last night.    

He probably has the idea that we'll spend the day in bed, alternating between screwing and sleeping.    

Unfortunately for him, that won't be happening.    

Just because we had sex once, doesn't mean we're going to go at it like rabbits from now on. Hell, we may never even do it again.     

"Justin..." I sigh heavily, and he cuts me off before I can continue.     

"I know...we need to talk...but I was kind of hoping to avoid it as long as possible."    

It's good to know that I'm not alone on that matter. My irrational side would love nothing more than to lay in bed with him all day and ignore the fact that everything between us has changed, but I just can't do it.    

"Ally...just...just give me today, alright? Tomorrow, we'll talk and figure it all out, but please...just spend today with me?"    

I'm getting the Timberlake pout now, and I know my resolve is crumbling.     I really am a pathetic excuse of a woman.        

I bite my lip and nod slowly. What can a day really hurt? I mean, atleast it'll give me a little more time to think this whole thing through, I can put off mailing Lauren's wedding invitations, and there's the distinct possibility of more sex with Justin, which is most definitely not a bad thing.    

He smiles brightly at me and his hands begin to slowly move up my shirt. He really seems to have quite the obsession with my boobs. It's kind of cute, in a weird way.    

"You...are amazing." He breathes out. His eyes widen slightly when he finally reaches my breasts and discovers I never put my bra back on.    

Ok...so maybe I kind of thought this would happen again today....but I swear, I really tried to convince myself it wouldn't.     

Could I be any more contradictory? Probably not.    

Unfortunately, after one night, I am hopelessly addicted to him and the things he can do to me, even if I don't want to admit it.    

"Thought you got dressed?" He smirks and rolls his eyes. "You're something else, Ally Lynn."    

"Technically, I am dressed. Underwear isn't a requirement when you're in bed."    

"True." He nods thoughtfully. "I'm definitely not complaining."    

I can feel him getting hard underneath me, and I bite my lip nervously. I wasn't really expecting that so quick, but with the way I'm sitting in his lap, with his hands roaming all over my body, I probably should have seen it coming.     

He removes my shirt quickly, then flips us over and slides off my shorts.     

This whole thing is pretty unreal. Until a week or so ago, the thought of sleeping with Justin had never even crossed my mind, yet here I am.    

I swear, my life could be a reality show. The craziest shit seems to happen when I least expect it.  I'm almost positive the combination of that and me freaking out over everything would make for excellent television.    

His hand slips between my thighs and he begins to slowly inch toward where I need him the most. He's moving so slow it's almost painful.    

Suddenly, I don't care if we ever talk this out. I don't care that we're quite possibly ruining an almost 25 year friendship. I don't care that I could very well lose my job, and my home.  As long as he doesn't stop...I just don't care.    

I want him, and that's all that matters.    

"Jus...stop." He halts all movements and I can tell he's beginning to panic.    

"What's wrong?"    

"Nothing." I smile and kiss him sweetly before rolling us over again. I straddle his waist and run my hands up and down his torso. His muscles tense as my fingers brush across his skin, but I can't help but smile.    

He really is perfect. He's put a lot of work into keeping himself in shape, and right now, words can't express how grateful I am for it.    

No wonder half the women on the plant go bat shit crazy when they see him with his shirt off.    

He positions my hips right above himself and I'm doing everything I can to hold back. I want to take this slow.     

I can't even begin to count how many times I've heard him share sex stories with Trace, and they usually consist of the girl not knowing what she's doing, or him just generally being disinterested.     

I don't claim to be an expert or anything, but I'd like to think I'm more than capable of pleasing my partner.     

Based on the way he's reacting, I think I'm doing a pretty good job.        

He finally grips my hips and pushes me down until he completely sinks inside of me.    

"Shit, Ally." He hisses through clenched teeth and all I can do is nod.    

I can't move. I can't think. I can't even breathe. The only thing I can focus on is him.    

His fingers are digging into my sides, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt, but that's the least of my worries now.    

Once I get used to the feeling of him buried deep inside of me, I place my hands on his chest for leverage and start to slowly rock back and forth.    

He's practically gnawing on his bottom lip when I lean down to kiss him. He loosens his grip on my hips, then starts to guide them, raising me up, then pulling me back down quickly.    

Each time, his hips buck to meet mine and it sends shivers down my spine. I don't think I've ever felt anything this incredible in my life.    

He forces my hips to stop moving, and flips us over for the third time. He pulls my legs up and I lock my ankles around his waist, forcing him deeper inside of me.    I can feel myself beginning to tighten around him, and I know it won't be much longer.    

His thrusts are quick, and deep, and I'm doing my best to keep up with him, my hips meeting his all the way.    

I can feel myself nearing the edge, and I have to bite down on his shoulder to keep from screaming.         

After a few more quick thrusts, my orgasm washes over me, and I'm calling out his name over and over.     

He slows himself down, and slams into me two more times before he collapses on top of me.  He plants a sloppy kiss on my lips, then rests his forehead against mine.    

"Holy shit, Al." He breathes out slowly.    

We lay like that for awhile, both of us trying to catch our breath and come down from the high we've just provided each other.    

He finally slips himself out of me, and rolls onto his side of the bed.     

As weird as it sounds, I was dreading that moment.  With him there, I felt whole, like that's where he's always belonged, but without him inside of me...it's just emptiness.    

He stretches out on his side, facing me, and pulls me toward him. He slings an arm over my waist and smiles lazily at me.    

As much as I try, I can't deny the fact that I'm falling in love with him. Maybe my mind is just clouded by amazing sex, but I've never felt like this before.     

Maybe it's too early to put a label on it, but deep down...I know.      

I know that there's no one else I'd rather be with. I know that our friendship will never be the same. There's no going back from this. I acted on a whim, but it just felt so right.     

I just pray to God, that it's not just me feeling all of this, because if it is...I don't know what the hell I'm going to do.    

It doesn't take long before my eyelids are getting heavy and I'm in and out of consciousness.     

Those three little words are on the tip of my tongue, but I just can't say it.    I don't know why...but they just won't come out and part of me is beyond thankful for that.     

I am completely terrified of what's happening here. **************************************************** 

I swear to God, when I get my hands on whoever is calling me, they're dead.    I was sleeping better than I have in years, and naturally, someone decides to interrupt that. I finally reach for the phone, and without looking at the caller ID, flip it open and practically bark my greeting.     

"Well...good morning to you too, Alexandra."    

"This better be good, midget."        

He chuckles and I can just see him flipping me off. "Like you have anything better to do."    

"Actually yes...that slave driver you call your fiance is wearing me out with all of her wedding nonsense, and I was trying to sleep. Anyway...what's up?"    

"Laur's out doing the girl thing with her mom and sisters. I'm stuck at my parents. I got bored."    

"So, why didn't you call Justin?" I smirk and look to my left to see him fast asleep. Trace would absolutely shit if he could see us right now.    

"The dick has his phone turned off. He's probably sleeping or something...Ya know, I'm kind of amazed you two haven't killed each other yet."    

"Oh, there's been a few close calls. So, how's the big family shindig?"    

"Boring as fuck." He snorts and I can't help but laugh. "Lauren's sisters are in wedding mode..asking if I've written my vows and shit...I swear, she's adopted."    

I giggle and shake my head. I kind of saw this coming. As bubbly and sweet as Lauren is, her family is ten times worse, especially her older sisters. Lucy and Leighanne were the typical high school, prom queen types.    

Lauren and I spent countless hours making fun of them when we were little, but of course..once we were older, we would have killed for half the male attention those two got.     

As with most girls in small southern towns, they married their high school sweethearts and are both stay at home mothers.     

When we graduated high school, Lauren and I made it our mission to be the exact opposite of them. I definitely succeeded, but Lauren has shades of each of them in her, which isn't really so bad.    

"How's everything going there, anyway?"    

"Eh...not so bad." I shrug. "I'm planning on sending out the invitations tomorrow...I'm using today to kind of chill out."    

"Yeah...I heard about the dress debacle." Trace cackles and I make a mental note to kill Lauren the next time I see her. "Sorry I missed it, I'm sure it was quite a show."    

"Funny. I talked to Johnny yesterday..."    

Trace and I chit chat about the plans Johnny has for Justin, and the song he played for me the night before. After an hour or so, I hang up, turn the phone off, and put it back on the nightstand.    

"Remind me to kill his short ass when he gets back." Justin mumbles.    

"Oh like you aren't miserable without him." I lay down on my side to face Justin, when he finally opens his eyes. He tucks my hair behind my right ear and smiles.    

"Nah...you're here. I'm good."    

We're silent for a few minutes, before he finally clears his throat, smile still intact. "What the hell are we doing, Ally?"    

I swallow the lump in my throat and shrug. "I...I don't know."    

"Well..." He takes a deep breath, then laces his fingers through mine, staring down at out intertwined hands. "We've got a few options, ya know. We can keep doing this, and ignore everything else....We can walk away and forget this happened... or....we can see where this could go."        

"Well...what do you want?" I ask and eye him curiously.     

"Right now...I don't know." He sighs heavily. "I'd be a damn liar if I said I wanted to go back to normal...I just...I don't know what to do."    

It's then that I realize, he's just as confused as I am. Never in my life did I expect to see the day where Justin Timberlake was confused about me.    

"I mean...if you want to do this...I'm game."    

"You're game?" I giggle and roll my eyes.

"Could you be a bigger dork?"    

I'm actually really impressed with how he's handling this. A lot of people probably would have freaked out and not been able to discuss it with a level head, but he's laying it all out there for me.    

He seems to have no problem telling me he has feelings for me, but he just doesn't know what to do with those feelings.    

However, part of me can't help but wonder if he's saying all of this, just because it's me. How do I know that he doesn't just feel guilty about sleeping with his best friend?  What if he's just telling me what he thinks I want to hear?    

"Justin...you don't have to do this." He frowns and I look away quickly. He needs to know that I have my doubts about this.     

"I just...I don't want you to think I expect something out of this. I don't want you saying things you don't mean."    

"Come on Al...you should know me better than that by now."    

"I do...it's..this is just really sudden, don't you think?" He shrugs and sits up, backing away from me.    

"Sometimes, it works like that."    

He makes it all seem so simple, but he has to know that it's not. I can't be the only one of us who's a little leery of jumping into something, just because we slept together.     

Maybe I'm over reacting, but to me...this is a big deal. This isn't something that we can just decide on a whim.    

"It's on you, Ally. I want to see what could happen here. But, if you don't...then we go back to normal. That's not what I want...but like I said...your choice."    

I don't think I've ever seen him this serious about anything outside of work. It's kind of intimidating.     

I really want to believe him, but over the years, I've watched him with countless women. I've seen him lie. I've seen him cheat. I've seen him do whatever it took for him to get his way.    

He may be my best friend, but I know exactly how self centered he can be. I think it's perfectly reasonable that I'm questioning this. What if he's just pulling all this relationship talk out of his ass for a guaranteed lay?    

"Just...give me some time to think, ok?" He grins, then kisses my forehead sweetly.    

"Do whatever you need to do, Ally."    

I'm just afraid that what I want and what I need, are two completely different things.

"Ain't It Funny"-Jennifer Lopez

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been up there searching for
Forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small
        

It's strange how you can do something a million times, but the slightest break in your routine, completely throws you off.     

Normally, sleeping alone doesn't bother me. Hell...most of the time I prefer it. Then again...when I usually share a bed with a woman, she wants to practically lay on top of me the entire night, and I just can't sleep like that. It's gets way too hot and I feel like I'm suffocating.     

With Ally, it's different.  She lays beside me, rather than on me, and it's nice. She's far enough away for me to be comfortable, but close enough so I can still feel her there. It's the perfect balance.    

It's been two days since she last slept in my bed. Three days since the last time we had sex, and four days since she said she needed time to think. It's pathetic as hell...but I kind of miss her.     

She's totally thrown herself into finishing up the wedding plans for Lauren, and I've barely seen her.    

She spends most of the day out running errands, comes home, eats, then goes straight to bed.     

I feel pretty shitty for not helping her more, but she acted like she was perfectly fine dealing with it all on her own, and she never asked for help, so I guess I'm in the clear.    

I doubt my disinterest in helping plan a wedding has anything to do with her need for space, but she is pretty fuckin weird sometimes, so there's really no telling.        

I like to think I know women fairly well, but I know I will never understand them. All the inner workings of their brains, all the rules...no man will ever understand any of that shit, and it's a waste of time to even try.     

I spend 90 percent of my time around women, and I've come to the conclusion that they're all just fucking nuts. End of story.     

For all I know, Ally may see my not helping, as a sign that I'd be a horrible boyfriend or some shit, which I know is not true. I think I'm a damn good boyfriend, and I defy any of my ex's to say I'm not.    

Honestly, I probably should have just kept my mouth shut and stuck to sleeping with her. With any other girl, I probably would have.    

But, Ally isn't the kind of girl you just screw around with.     

I'm not even going to pretend like it didn't sting a little when she said she had her doubts about me. I mean...yeah...I haven't been a choir boy, by any means, but I think I know how Ally deserves to be treated.    

Maybe it's my own stupid arrogance, but I'm not all that worried. I know she'll come around, I just need to wait it out.    

But, the waiting is the part that really sucks. I wish she'd just make up her mind and get some of this stress off my shoulders.     

I mean, I'm not sitting around thinking about whether she will or not...it's more of...why is this taking so damn long? I just need an answer.    

But, then again...I don't want to rush her. I want her to really think about what she wants and we can go from there.     

She just needs to hurry it the hell up.     

I don't know why, but I'd really like to have all of this figured out before Lauren and Trace get back. Even if we don't tell them right away, I'd just like for us to figure it out while we're here alone, with no distractions.    

Unfortunately, I don't think that's going to happen with Ally running around like a mad woman, barking orders into her phone.    

It's almost unbelievable how much shit goes into a wedding. I'm seriously considering never getting married just based on what Ally and Lauren are going through.    

Not that I'm anywhere near getting married to begin with...but whatever.     

The sound of footsteps distracts me, and I glance at the staircase to see Ally coming down, chattering away on her phone about place settings.     

She doesn't even look at me as she passes through the living room and heads into the kitchen. I've had about enough of this being ignored shit.     

We've said maybe three words to each other in two days, and I'm tired of it.     

I enter the kitchen as slowly and quietly as humanly possible. I must be doing an excellent job, because she jumps almost a foot in the air when my arms circle her waist, pulling her back against my chest.    

She quickly ends her phone call, then turns to glare at me. I can tell she's trying to put some distance between us, but I'm not giving up so easily.     

"Justin...what do you want?" She narrows her eyes at me and places her hands on her hips. I really don't get what the hell is with her.    

"Nothing." I shrug and she rolls her eyes. I swear to God, this woman has permanent PMS. Remind me again, what is it I see in her?    

"I really don't have time for this. I'm sorry, but I've got a million things to do in the next couple days and I promised Lauren everything would be done when she got home. Screwing around with you just doesn't fit into my schedule right now."    

I wish I could understand this sudden change in her attitude. Just two days ago, she was all sweet and couldn't keep her damn hands off of me. Now, it's like she can barely stand the sight of me.    

Maybe it's just the stress of being under a time limit to finish the wedding stuff up. Even when we're on the road, she has a tendency to get pretty shitty when she's under a lot of stress, so I guess I should be used to it.    

But, then...it was just my best friend being bitchy. Now, it's the woman I care about, and want to be with, treating me like shit.     

Yes...I know. I'm turning into a woman. I am pathetic.         

"Look...I'm sorry, ok? I just want to get this shit finished and turn it all back over to Laur when she gets home. I don't want her to worry any more than she has to...I'm just tired and cranky."    

"It's cool." I shrug, before letting her go and heading back into the living room. She's right behind me though, and I know she's not going to drop this.    

"I've only got a few more things to do today...so when I get back, we'll talk. I promise."    

"Cool." I shrug again, and she lets out a loud sigh.    

"I know you're pissed, and I'm sorry, but there isn't really anything I can do...you know how important this stuff is."    

I plant a kiss on her forehead and smile down at her. "It's fine, Ally."    

"Good. I'll see you tonight then." She forces a smile, then grabs her stuff and leaves the house without another word.    

Something tells me, I might not like what I'm going to hear tonight. *********************************************************************    

Alexandra Lynn Lawson is quite possibly the most amazing woman I've ever met. And no...it's not because I like her, or she's great in bed.    

It's for the simple fact that, she made her mother's spaghetti for me. I know my own mother would slap me silly if she ever heard me say it out loud, but Ann Lawson is the absolute best cook in the world.        

I've eaten in some of the best restaurants in the world, but none of them can even compare to what Ann can do in a kitchen.    

Unfortunately, Ally wasn't blessed with her mom's  natural ability in the kitchen, but as far as this spaghetti is concerned...she's pretty damn close.        

The sauce is some family recipe that Ann's mother passed down to her, which she eventually turned over to Ally. I couldn't even begin to guess what's in it, but it's amazing.    

"I'm going to assume I did good?" Ally chuckles when I get up to fill my plate a second time.     

"It's pretty close to your mom's." I nod, then sit back down. "I don't think I can go back to Lauren's cooking now."    

I never really understood why, but Lauren and Ally have always split up the household chores. Lauren handles the cooking and grocery shopping, while Ally does the majority of the cleaning. I don't know how Trace and I got left out, but I'm definitely not complaining.     

I know it's kind of an outdated ritual, but back home...the women take care of their men. The man earns the money, the woman keeps up the home.     

People aren't kidding when they say living in a small, southern town is like taking a step back in time.    

"Don't get used to this. You probably won't see it again for awhile."    

"You're no fun." I pout at her and she rolls her eyes.     

Things have actually gone pretty smoothly since she got home. She seems a little more laid back, and she hasn't snapped at me yet, so that's definitely a good thing.    

Even though she's in a good mood, I know I'm going to have to be the one to bring up our little dilemma. Ally's never been much of a problem solver and she tends to avoid things, in the hope that it will eventually just go away.     

In some cases, that's not such a bad thing, but she really needs to learn to face things head on. She's a pretty tough chick, so it's not like she couldn't handle whatever comes her way.  I guess she just wants to avoid conflict.    

"So..." I drawl out, and those green eyes lock with mine. She shifts in her seat a few times, and I can tell she's already uncomfortable.        

In a way, I feel bad. I don't want to make her feel weird or whatever, but this needs to get straightened out.    

I can't let it just hang over my head.    

"Look...Justin...I.." She starts, but I quickly interrupt.    

"Ally, honestly...whatever you've decided...I'm ok with. I just want to clear this up." She smiles slightly and nods before speaking again.    

"I...I've thought about this a lot. I don't know why it's so hard to say this." She laughs nervously and shakes her head. "I...umm...I do have feelings for you. I'm just not exactly sure what those feelings mean yet, but I know that I can't ignore it. I don't want to look back and think I might have missed out on something, ya know? I want to see where this could go. But..you have to understand why I have my doubts."    

I nod slowly, letting her words sink in. As much as I hate to admit it, I know exactly why she'd be a little apprehensive about me.     

She's watched me treat women like absolute shit for no reason. She saw me through my, "different woman, different day" phase. She's seen me cheat on what were supposed to be serious girlfriends.     

And honestly...I'm betting it's not just how I've treated women that's making her a little skeptical.        

Ally knows me better than I know myself sometimes, and that's not always a good thing. I like to think that, for the most part, I'm a pretty decent guy. However, I know I can be the most disrespectful, egotistical bastard on the planet.         

Not to mention the fact that, my career is my life. A lot of people can't handle that, especially the women I get involved with.    

The constant media attention, the insane schedule, the overbearing fans, it takes it's toll on everybody. And sure, Ally's dealt with all of it over the years, but never as my girlfriend.    

It might sound kinda stupid, but as hard as my career is on my family and friends, it can be ten times harder on a girlfriend.  For some reason, the media puts the women I'm spotted with, on a pedestal, and unfortunately...most of them can't handle it. It almost never matters what I think of them, once the media begins to criticize them...they're history.     

"Yeah, I do understand."    

"Good. Because, there's some things I'm about to say that you might not like. But, if this is going to work...some things need to change." She takes a deep breath and forces the best smile she can.     

"Number one...we're gonna take this slow. I mean really slow, Justin. We're gonna be going so damn slow, it almost feels like we're going backwards sometimes. We need time to adjust to all of this, because if something goes wrong, I want us to still come out of this as friends, and if we jump into some big, serious thing right away, I don't see that happening."    

I nod in agreement and wait for her to continue. Really, she hasn't said anything that I wasn't already thinking myself. The thought of us not being friends in some way or another is almost unbearable for me, so I think the slow route is good.     

"Secondly, I'd prefer it if we kept our relationship to ourselves for awhile, a month, maybe. It's just so new.... and we don't know what's going to happen, or how it's going to work,  so until we're comfortable, I'd like it to stay between us."    

"Not a problem."    

I could seriously get up and kiss her right now. I was terrified of having to tell anyone about us right away, even if it was just our friends and family. She just lifted a major weight off my shoulders.    

I mean, I know they'd all be thrilled, but I'm not quite ready for the millions of questions about how this all came to be. My mother would probably have a heart attack if she knew I'd slept with Ally before making any type of commitment. What can I say? She's old fashioned.     

"And...I'm quitting."    

Somebody pinch me because I know I did not just hear those words. She has to be joking. There is absolutely no way she'd quit her job. I mean honestly...what does us being together have to do with her job? Hell, I think she'd be even better at it now. There's just no way...this isn't happening.        

"What?"    

"I'm sorry...but, if we're going to be together, I can't be your PA. I wish I could, but I just can't do it. And do you have any idea how much of a shit fit Johnny would throw, if he knew we were dating and working that closely together?"    

"I don't give a shit what he thinks! What the hell, Ally?"    

"I went to the label this afternoon, and talked to Johnny. I'm still going to handle some of your scheduling, but I'll be based out of the label. Trace will take over everything else, but he'll basically be on his own."    

"No." I say simply and her eyes widen a bit.     

"Justin...come on..."    

"I don't get why you think you can't work for me. This is bullshit, Alex."     

I am pissed. No, beyond pissed. How can she do this? I mean honestly, how the fuck can she do this? I saw the fact that she was my PA, as a perk for our relationship. It would give us more than enough time to spend together, and with my schedule picking up soon...that's a big deal. I don't see her getting clingy or anything...but I won't have much time for her pretty soon, and it's going to be her own damn fault.        

She arches an eyebrow and smirks at me. "Yeah...because it worked so well the last time you got involved with someone who was working for you."    

Ok...so she has a point. A few years back, I was casually dating one of my dancers. It was all smooth sailing for awhile, but as usual, she got clingy and demanding...and I just couldn't give her what she wanted.     

Once the relationship went down the toilet, there was a lot of fighting, which cause nothing bit problems for the shows. We eventually had to fire her.     

But, Ally has to know this is different. You can't even really compare the two situations.     

"Come on...that was nothing like this." I frown and she rolls her eyes.     

"I know it's not exactly the same. I just think this would be better in the long run. Besides...if I'm wrong, I can always come back, right?"    

"Course." I shrug and she smiles brightly.    

"So...you're ok with everything then?"    

"Yeah...I guess so." I smile as she gets out of her chair and throws her arms around my neck.    I guess if it comes down to choosing between keeping my PA, or being with her...it's really not such a big deal. There could always be a bigger issue at hand.     

Besides...Trace did it all on his own before, so it's not going to kill him to do it again.    

I'm not exactly happy about it, and don't particularly like it, but she has to be worth it, right?

"So Small"-Carrie Underwood

My stupid mouth
Has got me in trouble
Another social casualty
Score one more for me
How could I forget?
Mama said "think before speaking"
No filter in my head

"Morning, Alexandra." Johnny Wright smiles as he strolls into my office, Barry Weiss on his heels.    

"Morning, Johnny, Mr. Weiss." I nod and force what I hope isn't a nervous smile.    

It's been nearly three months since I started at the label, and I can count the times either of these men have set foot in my office, on one hand. Needless to say, having them both here is a little nerve wracking.     

"I'm sure you're wondering why we're here." Johnny slides into a chair and eyes me carefully. "Don't worry, you're not in trouble." He chuckles and I try my best to laugh along with him, but it comes out as more of a snort.    

Leave it to me to make a complete jackass of myself in front of the men who basically control my lively hood. I'd love nothing more than to disappear into thin air right now.     

"We're pulling you off of the Timberlake account." Mr. Weiss says simply and I can almost feel the shock register on my face.     

It's common knowledge now that Justin and I are together, but I thought since I'd stepped down as his PA, that it was a non-issue.     

For the last three months, I haven't really done much work for Justin, outside of scheduling his appearances, interviews, photo shoots and studio time. As far as work goes, we have virtually no contact. Everything I do goes through Trace, and vice versa.  I don't see any real reason to pull me off of Justin's account.     

Unless...Johnny wants me as his assistant full time. When I'm not doing Justin's scheduling, I've been filling in as Johnny's assistant, while his actual assistant is on maternity leave.    

Working for Johnny has been a walk in the park compared to working for Justin. Johnny's a 'do it yourself' kind of guy. So, other than the occasional errand, I've mostly been filing his paperwork, and joining him at meetings every so often.     

This just doesn't make sense.    

"Did I do something wrong?" Both men exchange a look, then laugh quietly. What the hell?    

They're firing me. I just know it.    

"No, Alexandra. It's nothing like that." Johnny says with a smile. This is getting entirely too weird for me. "Based on your performance here, as well as the time you spent working for Justin, we felt a promotion was in order. Now, it's nothing major. A little more high profile than working around the office, and there will definitely be more travel involved.  Our video production team is extremely shorthanded. However, Charlie Walters, who's head of the department, is just asking for an assistant."    

I nod slowly, trying to process everything Johnny's saying. I don't really see the "promotion" aspect of this, after all...I would still be an assistant, but this could be my foot in the door to better things.    

Until three months ago, I had no real intention of moving up in the music industry. With no college behind me, moving up never seemed like much of an option. I figured I'd work for Justin until he got sick of me, or decided to retire, but I never really had any plans for after either of those things actually happened.    But now, I could very well have a fairly promising career in the music industry. Of course, never going to school could hold me back, but maybe with a little luck...my experience will outweigh that fact.     

"It shouldn't be anything too far out of your comfort zone. You'll do his scheduling, accompany him on the video shoots, take care of the paper work...you know the routine." Mr. Weiss smiles, then produces a blue folder and lays it on my desk. "Everything you'll need to know is in here."    

"It won't be a cake walk, but it will be a lot less stressful than working for Justin. Naturally, you will receive a pay increase, any and all flights, and hotel accommodations will be taken care of by the label. If you need some time to think it over, we completely understand. But, we'll need an answer by Monday."    

"I'll do it." The words fly out of my mouth before I even have the chance to think.     

"Great. We'll make the announcement in the morning. Take today to clear out your office, and report to the production department on the fifth floor on Monday." Johnny grins.    

 Both men shake my hand, then leave as quickly as they came.    Normally, I'd be the type to sit down, and really think something like this through. It took me almost two weeks to agree to work for Justin.     

I haven't got the slightest idea why I accepted this so quickly. I mean...I don't know jack shit about music videos, and I've never even heard of Charlie Walters.     

I grab my phone and dial the first number that comes to mind. After two rings, Lauren picks up.    

I run down the entire meeting for her, explaining how the whole thing came virtually out of nowhere, of course...there was some whining involved, on my part.    

Sure, it's an amazing opportunity for me, but I'm not a big fan of change. This is going to completely alter my happy little existence, and I'm not sure I'm going to like it.    

"Well..why did you say yes?"    

"I don't know, Laur." I sigh and rub the bridge of my nose. "Maybe I'm just over reacting..."    

"Probably." She giggles. "But hey...more money...it'll look good on a resume...it sounds good to me."    

"Justin won't be happy." I sigh heavily.

I know I shouldn't let my relationship dictate my life, but I can't ignore Justin, or his feelings. He wasn't too pleased with me when I quit working directly for him, so I'm sure he's going to go completely ape shit when he hears that I won't be working for him at all anymore.    

"He'll get over it. I mean, it's a promotion Al...how could he not be happy? This gives you a chance to better your career, how is that a bad thing? Besides...the album's almost done...he's going to be so damn busy, he'll barely even notice you're gone."    

"Gee, thanks." I mumble and she giggles.    

"You know what I meant. Look...tonight we'll go out to dinner...celebrate...blah, blah, blah. Alright? Be happy about this, Al. It's a good thing."    

I really want to believe her, but I know it's not true.

********************************************  

"Cool. Congratulations." Justin smiles, and plants a kiss on my forehead.    

I'm more than a little surprised by this reaction. I was expecting an explosion. I figured he'd rant and rave for awhile, then call Johnny and demand he take my promotion away. Laid back, nonchalant Justin, was the last thing I expected to see.         

"Do you know anything about this guy?" Trace asks, then downs the rest of his beer.    

"Not a thing."    

"I know of him...I've never seen, or talked to him. He's always managed to send one of his crew on my shoots. I heard he's kind of a dick." Justin shrugs and rubs my knee reassuringly. "He'll love you though."    

"He's probably just some old man who gets off on sending young women out to do his grunt work." Lauren rolls her eyes. "You probably won't even deal with him that much."    

"I don't know...Johnny said I'll be at his side pretty much all the time."     

I hate to admit it, but they're starting to worry me a little. I was really trying to see the positive in all of this, but now...I'm not so sure. What if what Justin's saying is true? What if the guy really is a complete dick, and I end up hating every minute of working for him?     

What if he is some rich, old man, who relies on an assistant to handle everything, while he sits back, raking in the big bucks?     

I know, I sound like a baby, but now I'm getting kind of scared. I mean, I was nervous as all hell to begin with. But now, the fear is taking over. Maybe I should call Johnny, tell him I was wrong in accepting this job, and I'd be more comfortable working out of the label.     

But then again, maybe I'm just being paranoid. Maybe just the idea of a change is freaking me out, and things will actually be fine. I don't want to walk away from something that could potentially be really good for me.    

I had my doubts about Justin, but that seems to have worked just fine. Granted, it's only been a few months, and we've had our battles, but I think we're pretty happy together.     

I never really expected it, but Justin is almost perfect. Maybe it's because we've been friends for so long...but I've never felt with anyone, what I feel with him.        

He knows when to be attentive, and when to back off. He'll do almost anything to make me laugh. But, there's one thing that just absolutely melts my heart.    

It's corny, and not even a big deal...but I swear, it's the cutest thing in the world.     

When we're out together, and run into someone he knows, you can almost see him swell with pride when he introduces me as his girlfriend.    

He gets this little sparkle in his eyes, and you couldn't wipe the grin off of his face, even if you tried. I don't know why...but it just gets me.     

I've tried to tell him a million times, it's the little things like that, that matter the most to me.     

Of course, I'd be lying if I said we have the perfect relationship. We bicker and fight, just like anybody else, but it's ok. At the end of the day, we care about each other, and that's all that matters.     

We aren't tossing the L word around just yet, but I'm sure it's not far off.   

As silly as it sounds, I think the best part of our relationship so far, was telling everyone. Lauren and Trace were the first people we told, and even after years of swearing we'd end up together, they were both fairly shocked.     

I guess even though you know something's bound to happen, it's still kind of a surprise when it actually does.        

Our families were all pretty ecstatic. I can't even count how many times I've heard "I knew this would happen.", over the last three months. Lynn, will still look at us together, smile and shake her head.    

I don't know why, but it's kind of cool to know that everybody is really happy for us.      

"So when do you start?"     

"Monday."     

Justin nods slowly, and diverts his attention back to his food. He isn't really showing any emotion, and I'm having a really hard time reading him. He said he was happy for me, and that I deserved it, but I can't help but think he's not too thrilled about it.    

We spend the rest of our dinner, contemplating exactly what Charlie Walters is like, what kind of menial tasks he'll send me on, and eventually, the talk moves onto Justin's second album, and impending tour.         

From what I've heard so far, the album's going to be incredible. He finally has a chance to show what he's capable of, and I couldn't be happier for him. He achieved major success with Justified, but people still saw him as just another guy from a boyband. With this album, people are going to see just how wrong they were about him, and I can't wait.     

Granted, I know my new job, and his schedule will separate us for extended periods of time, but I think we'll be ok.     

We're both determined to make this work, and since we're both about as stubborn as it gets, I don't think anything will keep us from what we want.

**********************************************************   

I never really understood what people meant when they said they had a case of the Mondays. It always sounded like a stupid expression to me, but after the last hour...I've finally realized exactly what it means.    

I arrived at the label at 6 a.m sharp, made my way to the fifth floor, which looked almost exactly like the eighth floor, where I'd worked before.    

Mr. Weiss wasn't kidding when he explained just how short the production department was.  I counted 15 offices total, eight of which, were completely empty. Naturally, the largest office on the floor, belongs to Mr. Walters, and mine is the much smaller one, directly across the hall from his.        

I guess he doesn't want to have to go too far when he needs to yell at me.    

I searched the entire floor, and didn't find one single person.  I figured maybe I was just early, so I meandered around until seven.    

That was when the receptionist, Wendy, who looked about four days older than God, showed up. She informed me that Mr. Walters was out on a shoot for the day, and I was to meet him there.    

Wendy scrambled around the office, gathering up my access pass, directions to the shoot, and the schedule for the day.     

It took her almost 45 minutes to put everything together, and the fact that she was such a sweet, old lady was the only thing that kept me from snapping, right then and there.    

Finally armed with everything I needed, I left the label.    

And now, here I sit in morning traffic. I'm half tempted to call Johnny and tell him this was a huge mistake.    

It's off to a shitty start already, and I've got a feeling it won't get much better. Maybe this is a sign that I should have stayed on as Justin's PA and just dealt with the hell I would have caught when Johnny found out we were an item.     

Having an irate Johnny Wright scream at me, surely would have been better than this.     

I finally arrive at the address Wendy gave me, and pull into the first empty spot I see. There isn't anything too spectacular about the place. It's a plain, gray, three story building with a fairly large parking lot.  I seriously doubt anyone would give it a second glance, so it's kind of hard to believe this is the location someone would choose to shoot a music video.     

Hell, with my luck, Wendy probably gave me the wrong address.      

I really need to stop making fun of the elderly. I'll probably end up bat shit crazy when I'm 80.    

I make my way inside the building, and am met with the hum of a large fan and loud chatter.  I hear a man call for quiet on the set, and the place goes dead silent.     

A loud, thumping bass kicks in, followed by crashing guitars. Sounds like I'm in the right place.    

I do my best to follow the sound and it isn't long before I see what has to bee almost a hundred people, standing around, watching a band, the lead singer lip synching the words flowing from the speakers.    

I have to be dreaming because there is absolutely no way that I am on a video shoot for Maroon 5.    

Shit this cool never happens to me.    

I know it's stupid to be star struck when I'm dating one of the biggest pop stars in the world, but I don't exactly spend my time rubbing elbows with celebrities.     

Outside of Justin and the people he's worked with, or been close to, I've never really even met anyone famous.     

I try to stay out of the way for awhile, watching everything going on around me.    

When cut is called, the music shuts off and everyone scrambles around to watch the playback.     

The set is designed like some hole in the wall type of bar, and even I can't deny the fact that it looks pretty freakin cool.        

Unfortunately, I don't see any stuffy, old businessmen running around, so I'm assuming my new boss isn't here.     

Just perfect. I may end up strangling someone if I have to drive all the way back to the label to hunt this guy down.     

"M' am...this is a closed set." A guy, who looks to be about my age, is standing in front of me, a fake smile plastered on his face.     

I'm not usually the type to gawk at a man who isn't my boyfriend, but right now...it's next to impossible.     

People have always said women are attracted to "bad boys."   The guys covered in piercing's and tattoos, the ones who will go against everything that's normal and good.        

I never really saw the appeal, but I'm weird like that.    

However, the man standing before me, would be the kind of "bad boy" I'd go for. If I was single, of course.        

He's got the whole "bad ass" thing down to a T. His ripped and frayed jeans are just tight enough, but not too tight to look awkward. His white V-neck T-shirt hangs loosely on him, the sleeves just short enough to show off the Celtic knot tattoo on his left bicep.      

I'd almost guarantee there's a few more tattoos hidden somewhere under that shirt.     

He's a little scruffy, but in a good way.    

Normally, facial hair is a complete turn off for me, there's been times where I've refused to have any physical contact with Justin until he shaved, but it actually looks really good on this guy.     

His hair is spiked in all of the right places, giving him the "rolled out of bed, and woke up gorgeous" look.     

But, I think the thing I find the most attractive about him, are his eyes. There's a playfulness in them, giving the steel blue color a mischievous gleam.     

What the hell am I thinking? I have an incredibly attractive, sweet, wonderful boyfriend at home.     

But it doesn't hurt to look, right?    

I flash him my access pass, and smile. "I actually start working here today. I'm Mr. Walters' new assistant."    

"Oh right...they said to be expecting you." He nods and folds his arms over his chest. "So, you looking forward to this gig?"    

I roll my eyes and laugh bitterly. "I was, until this morning. It's been an absolute nightmare trying to find this guy. I show up at the office, like I was told, and he's nowhere to be found. The receptionist tells me he's supposed to be here, so I drive my ass all the way across town, in morning traffic, no less, and still don't see any sign of him. I'm seriously reconsidering this whole thing."    

"Yeah, I don't blame you." He chuckles and shakes his head. "Have you met him yet?"    

"Nope. I hear he's not too pleasant though."    

He laughs again, and rolls his eyes. "Not too many of the big wigs are. I figured out awhile ago, you just gotta grin and bear it when it comes to this business."    

"No kidding. I'm Ally, by the way." I extend my hand and smile.     

He grasps it, and smirks at me. "Charlie. Charlie Walters."

"My Stupid Mouth"-John Mayer

Ally

Lauren

Justin

Trace

Charlie

All photos were taken from a Google Image Search.

So many people gonna say that they want you,
To try to get you thinking they really care,
But there's nothing like the warmth of the one
Who has put in the time and you know is gonna be there,
Back your border when she knows someone crossed it,
Don't let nobody put you down, who your with
Take the pain of protecting your name,
I'm in love with a girl who knows me better,
Fell for the woman just when I met her,
And she knows how to treat a fella right,
Give me that feeling every night,
I'm in love with a girl

"So...I was thinking...instead of some crazy bachelor party, maybe we could just have like a hang out night? Set up a poker table in the den...have the guys over...play cards and bullshit all night. Sound cool?"    

"Yeah, man. If that's what you want."    

"Yeah, I think it is. Getting a stripper and shit just seems so childish." Trace shrugs and continues flipping channels.    

"You are so whipped, dude." I laugh and can't help but shake my head.    

If he'd told me two years ago, that he didn't want a stripper at his bachelor party, I'd have thought he lost his damn mind. Trace has always been the guy looking to have a good time.    

No matter what you were doing, he'd find a way to make it the most insanely awesome thing you'd ever done. He'd stop at nothing to make sure you were having the most random, unexpected night of your life.    

Maybe it's the fact that we're getting older, or that he's getting married in a few months, but he's really mellowed out a lot, over the last couple years. He's hardly even the same guy anymore, but it's cool.            

Everybody has to grow up at some point, and he picked just the right time to do it. I know for a fact that Lauren never would have said yes when he proposed, if he hadn't chilled so much.     

I've only been with Ally a few months, but I can already feel myself calming down a little.  I'm not even remotely close to proposing to her or anything, but it's like I've got this incredibly relaxed feeling when it comes to life in general.        

It's hard to explain, but I guess it's just the feeling of knowing that you've got exactly what you want, and it's not going anywhere.  For the first time in God knows how long, I can actually see the relationship I'm in, having a future.    

Being with her is just so easy, and I think a lot of that is because we've been so close for so long. The first month or so was a little awkward. It took us some time to get used to being together, but we both knew that would happen.         

Once we were able to settle into our relationship, we let our friends and families in on the secret, and it just got easier from there.    

Although, I kind of enjoyed the whole sneaking around thing. Ally wasn't a big fan, but I thought it was pretty hot.     

According to Al, that just makes me a pervert, but whatever. She knows I'm right, even if she won't admit it.    

Honestly, as far as I'm concerned, our only real issue has been her ever changing job status.     

I was pretty pissed when she stepped down as my PA, but I didn't have a choice in the matter. She'd made up her mind, and that was that. She was still doing all of my scheduling, so it wasn't all bad. I could swing past the label pretty much whenever I wanted, just to see her. We could meet for lunch, or whatever. It was actually working fairly well.    

I haven't been able to figure out how I feel about this new job, though. On one hand, it's great that other people are getting to see what she's capable of, but on the other...I really can't stand the fact that she'll be traveling so much. Especially since she'll be with a bunch of people I've never even met.    

And, I really don't like the fact that some old ass man will have my girlfriend there, at his beck and call.     

Is it really that bad, if part of me is hoping she really, really hates it, and quits?    

"When are they coming back, anyway? I'm fuckin starving." Trace looks at me expectantly, like I have any idea what those insane women do together when they leave this house. Lauren was supposed to go meet Ally at the label, they'd pick up dinner, then come home.

Lauren's been gone for over two hours, so obviously, they got sidetracked. Not surprising.   

"How should I know?"    

"I just figured since Ally's never out of your sight for more than 30 seconds, that you'd have a detailed schedule of their day." He laughs and tosses the remote at me, hitting me square in the chest.    

"Oh don't even...how many months did it take to pry you off of Lauren?"    

"Completely different scenario, my friend."     

"Right."    

"I actually need to talk to you about something." Trace sits up a little straighter, and all signs of the joking banter we'd had, are gone.     

When Trace is serious, you know something's up. He's one of those "happy-go-lucky" type people. He can always find the humor in almost any situation. Even when we were kids, he could do it.    

When Ally's dog died, when we were 10, he managed to turn it around so that everyone was laughing about the fact that the damn dog should have died before Ally was even born.     

It's kind of cruel...but that had to be the dumbest animal I'd ever seen. It was inevitable that it'd get hit by a car, eventually.     

"We found a house, man." Trace sighs, and if I didn't know better, I'd swear he was about to cry.     

"Oh yeah? Cool." I nod slowly.         

I knew this was coming. I mean yeah...this is a big ass house, but I didn't expect Lauren and Trace to stay here after the wedding. Hell..I don't even see myself living here, five years from now.     

It's a great house, there's no denying that, but I think the reason I have lived here so long, is the fact that the three of them were here as well.  If Trace and Lauren move out, I really see no point in Ally and I needing a seven bedroom house.    

Honestly, the four of us didn't need it, but it worked out in the long run. With so many rooms, and the massive size, we all had more than enough space.  I've lived in more houses than I even care to count, and a lot of them felt way too crowded, even if I was alone.     

So, naturally, when we decided that the three of them would move in, in order to keep the work aspect of our relationships running smoothly, I went for the biggest house I could find.    

"It's in Memphis." He says grimly, and I kind of feel like somebody just punched me in the gut. "Laur just thinks it'd be better for us in the long run. We all know it'd be a much better place to raise kids, and honestly man...she's hated L.A. from day one. She moved out here for you, but she just isn't cut out to live here."    

I nod, taking in everything he's saying. I get it, I really do.  Lauren's a country girl at heart, always has been. She'd much rather be out milking cows or some shit, than running around in Beverly Hills.     

For awhile, I'd considered basing myself in Tennessee. That way, I'd be much closer to all of my family, and wouldn't have a damn camera shoved in my face everywhere I went. Unfortunately, it just wouldn't work.     

I've gotten way too used to L.A and all the stereotypical bullshit that comes along with it, and running my career out of Memphis, is virtually impossible. Writers and producers aren't too keen on the idea of working in the sticks, and I can't really blame them    

"It's a really great house, though. It's actually just a few blocks away from your mom's."    

"Does Ally know about this?"    

He shakes his head solemnly. "No. We just found out yesterday. Lauren was gonna tell her today."    

That's definitely a good thing. Because, if Ally knew about this, and didn't tell me...I might have to kill her.     

Alright, alright, alright...I probably wouldn't kill her...but there would most likely be a lot of yelling involved.    

"It's not like we're leaving tomorrow man...it'll take forever to get our shit from here to Memphis...plus we'll have to find replacements for you. Johnny said I could head up William Rast from Memphis. Lauren will probably go work in a salon somewhere in town. But trust me...you're still stuck with us for awhile." He cracks a smile and slaps my arm. "Don't be such a girl, dude. You look like you're gonna cry."    

"Kiss my ass." I chuckle, and before I know it, we're back to taking cheap shots at each other, like he'd never made that huge revelation.    

In the back of my mind, I know that everything is changing. I know it has to happen, but that doesn't keep it from sucking any less.    

But, on the bright side...it won't be long before I'm back to work, and I'll hardly even notice the fact that everything has gone to hell.     

Besides, if it weren't for all of these changes, Ally might still be just my best friend, and I can honestly say, that's one change that most definitely didn't suck.

****************************************************************    

I don't remember falling asleep, and I haven't got the slightest clue how long I've been out, but before I can open my eyes, the distinct smell of coffee brewing hits my nose, and I can be sure of one thing.    

Ally's home.    

I move to get off the couch, but stop when I hear that familiar giggle.         

"So, who was he?" Trace asks between chuckles.     

"It was Charlie!" Lauren shrieks, then erupts into another fit of giggles.     

"Figures, doesn't it? I'm standing there...checking the guy out, and going off about how shitty my morning has been,  and he ends up being my boss." Ally lets out a loud groan.    

They don't know it, but they've got my undivided attention now. I don't know exactly what's going on, but so far, what I'm hearing is making me just a little uneasy.    

"So, you think your boss is hot?" Trace asks, and I can just see him rolling his eyes.     

"Oh I did....for about 30 seconds. When he finally introduced himself, it was just like..eww."    

Before I even realize it, I'm off the couch and practically running for the kitchen. I want every single detail of Ally's first day on the job, and if any of what she says contradicts the conversation I just overhead, there's going to be problems.    

Yeah, I know...eavesdropping is wrong. Blah, blah, blah. It's easy to ignore right and wrong when your girlfriend is just a few feet away, talking about another dude.     

"Hey...you're awake." Ally smiles warmly and stands up from her seat. She crosses the kitchen and gives me a quick kiss, before taking a step back to look me over.    

"Yeah...how'd it go at work?" I ask sleepily.     

Ally rolls her eyes, while Lauren and Trace proceed to laugh their asses off, again. "It was...interesting."    

"Oh yeah?" I prop myself up on the counter, and just wait for her to lie to me.    

Honestly, there's no reason for it. I'm not the overly jealous type, so if she thinks a guy is good looking, or whatever, she can say it. I'd be a damn liar if I said I didn't look at other women.     

As long as it doesn't go beyond looking, I don't see the harm.    

Just the other day, Trace and I were watching X-Men and making some not sp appropriate comments about Halle Berry. Ally was right there, through the whole thing, and laughed it off.  She has to know this would be pretty much the same situation.     

Although, lusting after an actress is completely different than having the hots for your boss.         

"First off...I made a complete jackass of myself in front of the guy..."    

And, she's off. She goes into the fiasco of arriving at the label, like she was told to do, and finding the entire floor empty. She rants about the little old woman, who told her that Mr. Walters had no intention of meeting her at the office.     

The best part though, her tirade on Los Angeles traffic. It's a well known fact that, Ally has a slight case of road rage, and takes any opportunity she gets, to bitch about the way other people drive. Normally, I'd tell her to re-evaluate her own driving habits, but I'm way too fond of my limbs and other body parts.     

"So, anyway...I finally get to the shoot, and this guy kinda tries to kick me out. I tell him I start working there today, and we kind of start talking. Of course, I start bitching about everything...the trip to the label...traffic, tell him how my new boss is supposedly a total prick...the whole nine yards."    

"And, it was him, right?" I can't help but laugh. I mean really...it is pretty damn funny. Leave it to Ally, to constantly let that big mouth get her in trouble.     

"Oh, but that's not the best part." Lauren grins, and sticks her tongue out at Ally. Ah..maybe I will get the complete truth here.    

Ally rolls her eyes, and sighs. "At first, I kinda thought he was cute..but, when I found out he was the cause of my morning from hell, suddenly he wasn't so cute anymore."    

I laugh along with the rest of them, and can't ignore the sense of relief that washes over me. I know, it was stupid to think she'd lie to me. Ally's never given me any reason to doubt, or not trust her, and I don't think she'd start now.     

Maybe it's just me being paranoid. Ally isn't like any of the women I've been with in the past. I need to wake up to the fact that she's not going to play those games with me.  She's way too blunt to ever be deceptive.     

She moves to stand in between my legs, and pouts up at me. "They're laughing at me."    

I grin, and shake my head before planting a kiss on her lips. "You're funny, baby." She slaps my leg playfully, and rolls her eyes.    

"You're mean."     

"You still love me." I grin cheesily at her, and she just shakes her head.     

"Oh Jesus, Laur...let's move out now." Trace starts to make gagging noises, and I quickly flip him off.     

I'm convinced, now more than ever, that even though things are changing, it's going to be ok.     

I have an amazing girlfriend, who I'm fucking crazy about, a career most people would kill for, great friends, and an incredible family.  What more could I want?    

I mean, yeah...it's not all perfect, but  I don't expect it to be.     

As crazy as it sounds....right now, my feelings for Ally are hitting me like a ton of bricks. That four letter word has been floating around in my head, for quite some time, but it never seemed as clear as it does right now.     

I love this girl, more than I ever thought possible. I've thought I was in love before, and even said it. But this...this is almost on another level.     

In a way, I think maybe I've been in love with her, all along. I guess I was just too stupid to realize it. Really, I think it may have been virtually impossible for me not to fall for her, at some point. How could a person not love someone, who's done nothing but support them? How could anyone look at everything she's done for me, and see it all, as just friendly gestures?    

I wish I could have seen it sooner. Maybe if I had, it'd be her and I getting ready to head down the aisle, instead of Lauren and Trace.    

The weirdest thing though...I can see that happening. I mean, it's a ways off...but I can honestly see myself spending the rest of my life with Ally, and it doesn't freak me out in the least.         

Everything around me, could fall apart, but as long as she's there...it'll be alright.  I know, I sound like a complete sap, but realizing you're in love with someone is a pretty cool feeling.     

However, actually telling her is going to be a bit of a challenge.

"In Love With A Girl"-Gavin DeGraw

I'm searching for the words inside my head

I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you away
Be with you every night
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

"You have a phone conference with John Thomas from Atlantic records at 2...a meeting with Michael in editing at 3:30, and business dinner with Mariah Carey and her manager at 6." I rattle off the schedule for the day, then collapse into one of the large leather chairs in Charlie's office.     

It's only been a week and a half, but I am completely and utterly exhausted. Johnny had said this would be ten times easier than working for Justin, but I have yet to see the truth behind that statement. I'm really not sure I can keep up with this schedule.    

Maybe it's just because Justin's been on an extended break, and I've gotten used to being a total lazy ass, but I swear...Charlie works at the speed of light. It's ridiculous.    

In the past week, we've been on six different shoots, and haven't even left Los Angeles.     

According to Charlie, things are fairly slow right now, but will undoubtedly be picking up pretty soon.        

If this is what he considers slow, I'm dreading finding out what his definition of busy is.         

Even though I'm just starting to get my bearings here, I can't deny the fact that I'm really enjoying myself so far.     

Charlie isn't anything like what I'd imagined him to be. He's by far, one of the nicest, most genuine people I've met in California, and it's so easy to work for him. He's so laid back, about everything. He takes things as they come, and it makes for a completely stress free work environment. He doesn't make any insane demands, and he works just as hard as anybody else in the office, if not harder.     

Just yesterday, we were on a shoot for some up and coming band I'd never heard of.  Nothing was going the way it should have. The lighting was all wrong, it was next to impossible to get a decent camera angle, the wardrobe didn't fit, it was just a mess.     

The crew and band were all getting more and more frustrated by the minute, and I was running around like an idiot, trying to calm everyone down. I half expected several people to just walk out, but, Charlie got in there, and turned everything around.    

It took a lot of rearranging, but eventually the angles were perfect. With a few small changes, he'd completely altered the lighting and gave the video a whole new vibe. Then, to top it all off, he had one of the interns go down the street to the small thrift store, and buy a whole new wardrobe for the band.     

It'll be a couple weeks before we see the finished product, but after the few playbacks I saw, I'm positive it's going to turn out perfectly.    

My phone starts to ring loudly, and I quickly dig through my purse to find it. I'm all about lugging my junk around in an over sized, adorable bag...but purses are one of the most impractical accessories ever created. I mean seriously..is there a single woman in the world who can reach into her purse, and find exactly what she's looking for without having to pull out half of it's contents? I don't think so.     

"Ally Lawson." I answer in the most cheery tone I can manage. I really need to learn to look at my caller I.D.  before I answer this damn thing. I never know who's calling, and with my luck...it could be someone I really don't want to talk to.    

"Hey...it's me." I smile stupidly at the sound of his voice, and excuse myself from Charlie's office.     

"Hi."    

"Are you busy or something? You didn't answer in your office."    

"Oh, no. I was across the hall going over the schedule with Charlie. So, what's up?"    

"Nothing...I just left the studio. We finally agreed on the first single, and we're releasing it next month." I can hear the excitement in his voice, and can't help but smile.    

It's taken a lot of fighting, but he's getting to do everything his way, for the first time in his career. I really couldn't be happier for him. He finally has complete control, and it's been a long time coming, if you ask me. He's worked so hard, for so long. It's amazing it see it paying off.     

"But anyway...I was thinking, maybe you could ask that uber cool boss of your's for a four day weekend? We can fly to Memphis on Friday morning...see the families, then do our own thing for a couple days and come back Monday."    

"Justin..." I sigh heavily and rub my forehead.     

The thought of going back home, even for a few days, is incredibly appealing. It's been a little over two months since we last went home, and I actually miss it. I've adapted to life in L.A quite well over the years, but I miss my family like crazy.     

Going home right now...would be fantastic. Especially if Justin plans on renting out a cabin like he did the last time we were there.     

And God knows, I would love nothing more than to spend some time alone with him.     

But, I can't do it.    

I've been working for Charlie, a little over a week, and even though he's a pretty awesome boss, I can't ask for time off so soon.         

"I can't do that...I really want to, but I can't."    

"Come on, Al. You said the guy was cool."    

"He is. But, how would you react if your brand new assistant asked for four days off, after barely working two weeks?"    

"Well...if she was using those four days to let her wonderful, sweet, amazing, charming boyfriend take her away for a romantic weekend...I'd be totally ok with it."    

I giggle and shake my head at his silliness. "I've already got a lot of time off coming up...the album release...the wedding..I can't do this, Justin. I'm sorry." He sighs and I can tell he's getting angry. "I really wish I could."    

"It's fine." He says dejectedly. "I understand. Don't want to, but I do."     

I feel horrible. He's just trying to be sweet, and do something special for me. I just wish he had better timing. Two or three months from now...I'd be jumping at the chance to do this, and wouldn't feel the least bit guilty about asking for the time off.     

Unfortunately, this probably would have been our last chance to do something like this for quite awhile. The album is dropping in September, and with the single coming out next month...his schedule is going to get pretty hectic over the next three months.     

For the next year or so...I'll have to get used to phone calls, and rare days off as the only time I get to spend with my boyfriend.     

It really blows when real life gets in the way of having fun.     

"Alright...well...I'll see you when you get home."    

"Ok...I really am sorry."    

"I know. Bye, Al." He hangs up quickly, and it's all I can do to not cry.     

This really fucking sucks. It's times like these, I really wish I was still his PA, or atleast working for Johnny. If I was still with Justin...taking off, wouldn't even be an issue.     

With Johnny, I'd have to ask for it, but I know he'd have no problem giving it to me. I've known Johnny almost as long as Justin has, so asking him for time off wouldn't feel awkward.     

I just can't bring myself to ask my boss, who I hardly know, and just started working for, to give me four days off, at such short notice.     

I turn to head back into Charlie's office, and jump when I find him standing in the doorway.     

"Sorry...I swear I wasn't trying to give you a heart attack or anything." He grins as I slide past him and throw myself into a chair. "So...umm...I wasn't trying to listen in on your conversation or anything...but it didn't sound too good, and I thought maybe something was wrong?"    

"It's nothing." I shrug and toss my phone back into my bag. "So anyway...the phone conference with Atlantic..."    

"Ally...take the four days off." He interrupts me, and I just stare at him. I'm sure my jaw is about to hit the floor.    

He has to be kidding, right? There's no way he'd just randomly let me have this time off. I mean...it's not like it's some type of family emergency or anything. It'd just be a small vacation, and it's not like I need it yet.     

"What?"    

"Take the four days. Seriously...it's not a problem." He starts to scribble something down on the schedule I'd laid on his desk, and I can't stop staring at him. Is he from another planet or something?    

"No...I appreciate it, but it's not necessary."    

"Ally, I'm not asking." He says sternly and looks up at me, his face set in stone. "I know Justin's getting back to work, and things around here are going to get kinda crazy for awhile. So, take it. Trust me...you'll thank me for it later." He laughs and rolls his eyes.     

"Are you sure?" I ask nervously and start to chew on my bottom lip.     

What if he's testing me? To see how flaky I am, or something? What if, I do take the time off, and he thinks I'll jump at any opportunity I have, to not work? What if he thinks that I'll let my relationship with Justin interfere with my ability to do my job?    

"I really don't need to take off...it's just, Justin being Justin. It's nothing."    

"I'm positive. Take the four days."    

"You really don't have to do this, ya know."        

"I know." He grins. "But, this way...I won't feel as bad when I really have to abuse you."    

I giggle and shake my head. This guy really is too nice for his own good.

***************************************************************
    

It took me a little over an hour to book our flights, and rent the two cabins, but once I had everything done...I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face. For the first time, I'm getting to do something for Justin, and it's a really cool feeling.    

I never really understood why, but he's always had this "I'm the man" mentality. He thinks if there are any romantic gestures to be made, he's the one who needs to do it. It's like he doesn't want the woman he's with, to lift a finger.    

I mean, yeah...sometimes it's nice to be taken care of, and treated like a princess, but I'm not one of those damsel in distress type of chicks. I don't need him to dote on me, and he seems to have a really hard time understanding that.     

Honestly, I know it's not really his fault. He's so used to women expecting him to foot the bill for everything, and even though he has the financial ability to do so, I don't think it's right. If your in a relationship, I think both people need to put in an equal amount of time, effort and money.     

He's always said enjoys taking care of his girlfriends, but at some point...he has to get tired of being the provider. So, for once...he isn't going to pay for anything.     

I didn't realize it until Charlie gave me the time off, but I really want to do this. I've been in planning mode since I left his office,  and so far...everything is coming along nicely. I'm pretty proud of myself.    

We have an amazing cabin, right on the lake, with an identical cabin next door for Lauren and Trace. I'm not sure how Justin will feel about them coming along, but I figure with two cabins, everyone will have more than enough privacy.     

I know it's just four days, and probably wouldn't be a big deal to most people,  but Justin and I haven't taken any type of vacation as a couple, so I'm really looking forward to this.     

I grab the phone on my desk and quickly dial Lauren. I called her as soon as I'd booked our flights, and she's been practically jumping up and down ever since.     

"What's up?" She asks in almost a whisper, and I have to strain my ears to hear her properly.    

"Laur...why are you whispering?"    

"Shopping with Justin....I came up with an idea this morning...seriously...I'm a freakin genius...we'll show it to you later. Anyway...what'd you need?"    

"Can you call Lynn and let her know about this weekend? I've got some other stuff I need to do when I leave here."        

"Oh yeah...totally. I gotta go." She hangs up, and I can't help but laugh. I have absolutely no idea what those two are doing, but if they're shopping...it can't be good.    

We're both trying really hard to keep all of this quiet, so naturally, telling Trace is out of the question. Atleast, until the last possible minute. I'm thinking I'll let him in on it Thursday night, that way I have two whole days to tell Justin.     

So far, outside of the big family dinner my mom is planning for everyone, we have absolutely nothing to do while we're in Memphis, and I can't wait.    

We can lay around on the lake, relax and spend some time together.    

It's going to be amazing.

**********************************************************    

I enter the house as quietly as I can and head straight for the stairs. I'd planned on waiting to tell Justin about the trip, but I just can't do it. He was so upset when we got off the phone this morning, and I don't want it to carry on through the evening.     

I lay the plane tickets and the cabin brochures on his pillow, then head back downstairs.     

I can go about this a few different ways. I can bring him upstairs after dinner, and be there when he finds them, or I can let him go upstairs on his own, and find them. I can't quite decide which way would be better.     

"Dude, I don't care what anybody says...that is fuckin awesome." Trace says loudly. I can hear Lauren and Justin agree with him, and I make my way to the den.     

They make me nervous when the three of them are alone together.         

I step inside quietly, Justin looks up right away, and grins.     

To say he looks amazing, would be a gross understatement. I've seen him dressed up countless times, but he's never looked so...comfortable. He's never been a big fan of suits. Anytime he was at a red carpet event, he'd spend the entire night fidgeting and complaining how awkward he felt, but now...just...wow.    

It's a simple black suit. There's nothing spectacular or out of the ordinary about it, but it's not the actual suit that's making him look so incredible. It's the way he's carrying himself in it.     

"Nice suit." I comment, and Trace whirls around to face me.    

"That's not even the cool part!" He says excitedly, and points to Justin's feet.     

I look down, and can't help but giggle. Never in a million years, did I expect this. Dress shoes? Sure. Hell...I wouldn't have been surprised if he was running around barefoot since it's just the four of us here.    

However, seeing pristinely white Nike's, was the furthest thing from my mind.     

"What'd ya think?"    

"Suit and sneakers?" I ask with a smirk. Lauren smiles proudly and nods.    

"It's his new look. I came up with it today. People always rag on him for not dressing nice enough. So, I talked him into this. It's nice, but it's still kind of casual. I told you...I'm a damn genius!"    

"It's definitely...different."    

"You don't like it, do you?" Justin asks slowly, and I look him over again.    

Honestly...on anyone else, I'd probably hate it. But, he seems so happy with it. I guess I'm seeing shades of the world famous Justin Timberlake coming out, and my best friend and boyfriend is fading into the background.     

Maybe it just never occurred to me, or I just wasn't interested in seeing it...but when Justin goes into "celebrity mode", he's completely irresistible.     

It's almost like he's not even the same guy anymore. He's more confident, and damnit...he is practically oozing sex appeal.     

Honestly, Justin Timberlake is nice...but I'm much more fond of my Justin. The guy who will sit around, watching movies with me, talking about absolutely nothing. The guy who will do the most ridiculous things to get me to laugh. The guy who just wants to make me happy.     

That's the Justin, I want around all the time.     

Lauren finally tells him to go change, and he grabs me by the hand, dragging me up the stairs behind him.     

"If you really don't like it...you can tell me, ya know."    

"No I do...it's just...weird. You hate getting dressed up." I laugh when he scrunches up his nose.    

"True...but this just looks too fuckin cool. Lauren's thinking she could get Gucci or somebody to do the wardrobe for the tour."    

We finally reach his bedroom, and he closes the door behind us, before pushing me up against it.     

His lips crash against mine, and I can't stop the low moan I let out.     

Let it be known, that Justin Timberlake is an amazing kisser. Or maybe, it's just that he knows exactly how to kiss me. Either way, kissing him is probably one of the best feelings in the world.    

He pulls back, and rests his forehead against mine. "I've wanted to do that, all day." He grins.    

Honestly, I'm a little surprised at how he's acting. I figured he'd spend the night pouting, and acting like a petulant child, but he's doing a damn good job of proving me wrong.     

"So, how was work?"    

"Alright I suppose." I shrug as he releases me, and starts to undress. "We were at the office all day, so it wasn't too thrilling."    

He nods and places the suit jacket on a hanger. "So, I guess this is going to work out ok, then?"    

"Yeah, I think so. I really like it so far...it's a little fast paced, but I'll get used to it."     

"Good." He moves around the room slowly, taking his time in getting into his pajamas. "If Walters starts giving you any shit, or you change your mind...say the word. I'll have you out of there so fast, his head will fucking spin."    

I roll my eyes at his protectiveness and chuckle. "I'll be fine. Charlie's great."             

Seriously...how has he not looked over at his bed yet? I'm practically biting my tongue to keep from saying something. This is driving me nuts.     

"Yeah, well...my offer still stands." He smirks before pulling his T-shirt over his head. "So anyway...." He stops mid-sentence when his eyes finally land on the bed.     

He glances between me and the papers on his pillow several times, then moves to pick them up. He flips the plane tickets over in his hands a few times, before a huge smile breaks out over his handsome features.    

"Holy shit Al...is this for real?"    

"Yeah." I smile so big, I feel like my face might crack. "Charlie overhead me on the phone, and told me to take the time off."    

"You were right...that guy is the shit." He lays the tickets and brochure down on the nightstand, then tackles me onto the bed and I land flat on my back.    

He settles himself on top of me and tucks my hair behind my ears. "Do you have any idea how awesome this is?"    

I giggle and roll my eyes. "I have a pretty good idea."    

He kisses me slowly, taking the time to really explore my mouth, and when he pulls away, I'm completely breathless.     

I know he cares about me...but I pray to God that he's feeling even half of what I'm feeling. I can't be in this thing all on my own.     

I don't know when, why, or how it happened...but I love him. I've tried so many times to tell him. Maybe not in those exact words, but I swear I've tried.     

The right words just won't come out, and I can't figure out why.     

He needs to know. Because, if he isn't as deep in this as I am, something needs to change. I refuse to be the girl who thinks she has the perfect relationship, when her boyfriend is contemplating ways to dump her.     

That just ain't happening.    

I've really been trying to be everything he needs. I know I'm not perfect, and I don't pretend to be...but I want to be as close to perfect as he needs. I want to be the last thing on his mind when he goes to sleep, and the first on his mind when he wakes up. Especially when he's a thousand miles away, and I'm stuck here, alone.     

He smiles at me again, and I make up my mind, right then and there.     

Memphis.    

I'm going to tell him in Memphis.     

I just hope I have the strength to go through with it.     

"Things I'll Never Say"-Avril Lavigne

Looking at you, holding my breath,
For once in my life, I'm scared to death
I'm taking a chance, letting you inside
Feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky, under my skin
Like being in love
For the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm feeling right 

Where I belong, with you tonight
Like being in love
For the first time

The closer we get to Shelby Forest, the harder it is for me to sit still. I can't really explain it, but coming back here always gives me this charge. I can step away from all the insanity that surrounds me in California, and just be myself.    

Around here, I'm not some Grammy winning, sex symbol. I'm just Lynn's boy, and it's definitely a good change of pace.     

I guess knowing that this will be my last trip home for awhile is making me appreciate it even more. Then throw in the fact that Ally put this whole thing together...this is going to be a damn good trip.     

The flight here was pretty uneventful. Ally and Lauren spent the entire time glued to their laptops, while Trace and I watched ESPN.  Lauren is still hammering out wedding plans, and there's really no telling what the hell Ally was doing.    

I tried to convince her to leave all her technical shit at home. I wanted this weekend to be about us, with no distractions, but, she was afraid Charlie would need to get a hold of her. So of course, the laptop, the phone, and the palm pilot all had to come with her.    

I still haven't quite decided how I feel about her working for this guy. I have yet to meet him, but Ally talks about him, like he's the greatest thing since sliced bread. I'm glad she likes what she's doing and obviously, Charlie can't be all bad if he gave her this weekend off.    

It just makes me a little uneasy that she talks about him so much. For the last two weeks, I don't think we've had a single conversation that didn't involve him in some way, or where his name didn't come up.     

I get that it's new, and she's excited, but she barely said two words about her time working for Johnny. Why is this so different? 

I don't know...I could just be over reacting. Maybe talking about it, is just her way of keeping me in the loop.     

But, in the back of my mind, there's a little voice that keeps reminding me that she thought the guy was hot, when she first met him. I'm not jealous...just...concerned.     

It's probably nothing, and I'm just being a freak.     

I'm going to put anything and everything involving California, on the back burner for this weekend. I'm going to focus on being here with my girl, my friends and my family. I'm going to relax...get some fresh air...maybe do some fishing. It's gonna be good, and I definitely need the down time before things start to get crazy.    

The album's out in three months, and I'm sure it's going to fly by. But, I'm not going to worry about it right now. For this weekend...I'm just a guy on vacation.

*************************************************************************    

We pull up in front of Ally's parents house, and I nearly bolt out of the escalade. I make my way up the sidewalk, and smile as I stare up the house. I've always loved this place.    

Ally doesn't like to flaunt it, but her family is pretty well off. Her father owns one of the most reputable construction companies in Memphis. All three of her bothers went into the family business as soon as they were old enough, and I'm sure if my career hadn't taken off when it did, Trace and I would have been right behind them.     

Dave had this house built a couple years before Ally was born, and they've lived here ever since. It's not like it's a mansion or anything, but it's big enough to show off the Lawson's financial status.     

It's pretty simple, I guess. Fairly large yard, with a small garden surrounding the porch, which happens to be the coolest thing about the place.     

It's one of those enormous wrap around porches, and connects to a huge deck, off the back of the house. We spent God knows how many nights out on that deck, just waiting for something to come out of the woods behind the house.     

Luke, the oldest of Ally's bothers, had convinced us that those woods were full of mass murderers and deformed animals that hunted only small children.     

Naturally, Luke was full of shit.     

I love all of Ally's family like they were my own, but Luke is probably my least favorite Lawson.     

He's eight years older than us, so when we were kids, it was his mission to torment the shit out of us. When he reached high school, he was the big football star, and the entire town worshipped the ground he walked on.    

He got pretty bigheaded about the whole thing, and just became an even bigger prick. He still is, as far as I'm concerned.     

But who knows...maybe his divorce will have calmed his ass down a little.    

Jack, is the second oldest, and he's one of the coolest guys on the planet. He's actually a lot like Trace, personality wise. He was the guy who knew about all of the parties. He's in his early thirties now, married with two small kids...but he's still cool as shit.     

Then, there's Andrew. He's just two years older than Ally, but you'd swear he's still 16. He still lives at home, and spends the majority of his time playing video games. I guess you could say he's kind of a nerd. He's a good guy, though.     

"Boy...are you just going to stand there all day, or are you gonna get in this house and eat something?" I grin as Ann calls to me from the doorway, and I take the steps two at a time.  "You look good Justin...a little on the skinny side...but good."        

She smiles, then wraps me up in a tight hug, and suddenly...I can't wait to see my own family.     

"Come on in...lunch should be ready soon."     

I step into the house behind her, and immediately, the smell of fried chicken hits my nose. Words cannot describe how much I love being home.     

Ally, Trace and Lauren soon trail in behind me, and it doesn't take long before we've spread ourselves out around the living room. Lauren and Trace laid claim to the sofa, leaving Ally and I to share the recliner.     

It's pretty big, but we don't have anywhere near enough room to sit side by side. You wouldn't think it...but I'm actually pretty comfortable, even though Ally is half in my lap, and half on the chair. Her legs are tangled with mine, and I know she has to feel kind of awkward sitting like this, but she shows no sign of moving.     

It still kind of blows my mind, that we've eased into our relationship so quickly. It's just like this was meant to happen. It's actually kind of amazing that we work so well together, when we're complete opposites.     

But, maybe that's the key to the whole thing. Ally is all of the things, I know I'll never be.     

She's strong, she's independent. She doesn't take anybody's shit, and she'll tell you exactly what she thinks, even if you don't want to hear it. Ally has a freedom, that I don't, and probably never will.    

She's completely free to be who she wants to be, at all times. Nobody's going to judge her for it, and even if they do...she'll tell them to fuck off, and not think twice about it.    

I, on the other hand...have to constantly be on guard. I have to say and do what everyone around me wants, and I don't have a choice in it.     

But, when it's just me and Ally....that's the one time, I can really let my guard down, and not give a shit what anyone else thinks.     

I guess it's kind of like that saying, "Those who mind, don't matter. And those who matter, don't mind."    

I know that Ally doesn't care if I say something stupid. She doesn't care, if I take my bad mood out on her. She doesn't care if I wear the wrong thing. All of the bullshit I have to worry about on a daily basis, doesn't phase her.     

She knows who I am, and I'm guessing she likes it. I mean, I know it's stupid to sit here and say "Oh, she likes me, for me." That's probably one of the most over used and cliched things to say...but it's true. She could care less about all of the outside shit, and that's awesome. Most people can't blow that stuff off so easily.     

But, then again...my girlfriend definitely isn't most people.  

********************************************************************    

It's official. I'm scrapping the album...the promotion...the tour...all of it. I'm going to walk away from everything, move back here, and live a life of anonymity.     

Ok...not really. But, sitting around this table with mine, Ally, Lauren and Trace's families surrounding me, makes moving back home seem like the best idea I've ever had. Everything's just so chill. I don't think I've felt this relaxed in several years.    

But, I know it wouldn't work, and honestly...I'd probably lose my mind after a week or two. But, I can dream, right?    

"So..Justin..." My Mother stares at me from across the table, a smile on her face. "When do you and Ally plan on making me a grandmother?"    

Ally starts to choke on her drink, and all I can do is sit there. Why is it, when you're enjoying yourself and don't have a care in the world, someone has to come, completely out of left field, with something that had never even crossed your mind?    

"Ma..." I groan, but it comes out as more of a whine.     

"Oh, I'm just teasing." She laughs and shakes her head. "They'd be pretty babies though." She smirks.    

Before I know it, my Mom and Ann are in a major discussion about mine and Ally's unborn children. Of course, Trace and Lauren's Mothers jump right on in there, and suddenly...the table is consumed by talk of babies, cribs and bed time stories.     

And I thought having all four families together, was a good thing. Shows what I know.     

The rest of dinner is spent in mostly awkward silence. I can't even begin to explain how happy I was when we finally left and came back to the cabin.     

I've never felt awkward or uncomfortable around my family...but I did tonight, and it wasn't a pleasant feeling.    

Ally steps out of the bathroom, running a brush through her wet hair, then slides into bed next to me. I don't know about her, but I'm still a little tripped out over my Mom and the whole baby thing.     

I mean...I like kids and everything, but I've never been anywhere near close to thinking about having them. Hell...I'm not even a hundred percent sure I want kids at all.     

Yeah...it'd probably be pretty cool to do the Dad thing, but I think that's pretty far off for me. I just can't figure out what the hell my Mother was thinking when she brought that up, even if it was meant as a joke.    

Sure, I've known Ally all my life, but we've only been a couple for a little over three months.    

 Lynn Harless needs to be institutionalized, and that's all there is to it.     

"So...I was just thinking..."Ally says suddenly, then turns to face me.     

"Hurt yourself?" I ask in mock sympathy, then kiss her forehead. "All better now?"    

"Funny." She rolls her eyes. "Anyway...that stuff your Mom said at dinner..."    

This time, it's my turn to roll my eyes. "Yeah?"    

"Well...maybe we need to talk about it."    

"Al...it's nothing. Honestly. You know as well as I do, how nuts she is. With the wedding...us getting together...she's got all that kinda shit on the brain."    

"I know....but would us having a baby really be so terrible?"    

Please, dear God...do not let this conversation be heading where I think it is. I adore Ally, but, kids? Now? No fuckin way.     

"Course not." I smile down at her. "Some day...it might be pretty cool, but now? No way."    

"Well, duh." She rolls her eyes and giggles.     

Oh, sweet Lord...thank you. Thank you for blessing me with a girlfriend who isn't going to stress over all that biological clock nonsense. Thank you for making her the least, clingy, controlling chick on the planet. Because, if she said she wanted a baby now...I might have a heart attack.     

"We can practice trying to have one, whenever you want though."    

She arches an eyebrow at me, and the smile falls from her face. I have a very funny feeling I'm about to get yelled at, or slapped. I'm not really in the mood for either, but if I have to choose, I'm kind of hoping for the latter...atleast it'll be quick.    

"Is there ever a time where your dick doesn't do the thinking for you?"    

"Yeah...it just doesn't happen very often." I grin, and she slaps my arm.     

This is another perfect example of just how cool she is. A lot of girls might have pushed the baby thing...but not Ally. I swear, it's like we share the same brain sometimes.     

We know when to leave each other alone, or when we really need to sit down and talk something out. We don't push each other into things we don't want.     

I'm actually pretty proud of how well we communicate and understand each other.     

I can joke around with Ally, the same way I would Trace, and she can come right back at me. I've never had that before. I've never been with someone who thinks and feels the same way about certain things, as I do.    

And, it's making me see what an idiot I've been.  I was looking for all the wrong things, when it came to relationships.     

Lucky for me though...this thing with Ally just kind of fell into my lap.    

She cuddles up to me, and my arm instinctively slides around her waist. I never really noticed it before, but she fits there.    

As lame as it sounds, it's almost like I was put on this earth to be with her.  Maybe I'm wrong, but everything with her, just feels right.    

Kissing her, feels right. Holding her hand, feels right. Making love to her, feels right.     

I need to go watch football or some shit....I sound more and more like a woman, every day.         

I can feel her getting heavy on my side,her eyelids start to droop, and she's out like a light. It's been a fairly long day, between catching our 7 A.M flight, landing here, renting the cars, getting to the cabins, unpacking, then going over to her parents house.    

I'm a little surprised I haven't crashed myself, but I'm sure it won't be long before I completely pass out.    

She mumbles out what sounds like "Good night", and I can't help but smile. A lot of people might be annoyed by it, but I actually think it's pretty funny when she talks in her sleep.    

She says the most random shit, and it never makes any sense. It's hilarious.     

She moves around a little, before finally settling beside me, one arm thrown over my stomach.     

"Love you." She mumbles, and my breath catches in my throat.     

Did she?....No. I'm just hearing shit. I'm not used to the usual sounds of this house...or maybe it was the TV.     

There's no way Ally said those words.     

Or, maybe she really did...and I'm just freaking out.    

It's stupid really...she's said she loved me thousands of times over the years, and vice versa. But, it was never meant in a romantic way.     

Maybe this wasn't either, but I swear to God...that sounded completely different from any other time she's said those words to me.     

Why is this scaring the hell out of me? I love her, she loves me. I should be jumping up and down right now. I can feel my chest getting tight, and it's getting really hard to breathe.     

Should I wake her up? Do we need to talk about this? What the fuck am I supposed to do?    

We were supposed to take this slow, maybe that's the problem.     

She was the one who had her doubts. She was the one who was afraid of getting too serious, too quick.    

Even though she's asleep, and probably doesn't even realize what she's done... she's just pushed our relationship into serious territory. She just catapulted over the line she'd drawn...and I don't know what to do, but I do know...as terrifying as hearing that was...I can't wait to hear it again, and have her be able to hear me say it back.     

"I love you too, Al." I say quietly and kiss the top of her head. "I really, really do."    

Her head jerks up quickly, and those amazing green eyes lock with mine. She was awake that whole fucking time?     

What the hell, man?    

"Good...it was taking too long for you to say something, and you were starting to worry me." She grins, kisses me quickly and places her head back on the pillow.     

She's slick man. That was an Oscar worthy performance, because I was 110 percent convinced she was fast asleep.     

I've said it millions of times before, and I'm sure I'll be saying it for the rest of my life...but this girl really is something else.

"First Time"-Lifehouse

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
    

The sun's up...the sky is an amazingly clear shade of blue, and I'm completely giddy.  I'm sure I'm acting and sounding like something out of a Disney movie, but I just don't care. There's nothing in this world that can ruin my good mood right now, and it's all because of him.    

I can't even begin to describe how happy it made me, to hear him say he loved me. Maybe I didn't exactly go about it the right way...but I had to know how he'd react. I had to make sure I wasn't the only one with all of these intense feelings.     

It may not have been conventional...but it worked, and that's all that matters to me.     

That amazing, gorgeous man loves me.     

Charlie could call right now,and fire me. My credit rating could plummet. Someone could steal my car, and none of it would matter...because he loves me.     

Trace has been making comments about how overly affectionate we've been toward each other, but I just can't help it.  I don't think I've ever been this happy, and I can't keep it to myself.    

His arms circle my waist from behind, and he pulls me against him. "This is fun and all...but I think we need to go back to our cabin."    

His voice is low in my ear and a chill runs down my spine. Now, I'm sure it's customary for a couple who's just said they loved each other to actually do the deed, but I was just way too tired last night. I really wanted to, but I probably would have fallen asleep during, and I don't even want to imagine what kind of fit Justin would have thrown about that.     

So, we fooled around for awhile before we both finally crashed. This morning would have been our next option, but Trace, banging on our door at eight A.M put a stop to that. So, Justin took a cold shower, we got dressed, and came to the lake.     

It's been really nice to lay around, doing nothing, but I can already tell I have one hell of a sunburn, and I'm sure whatever Justin has in mind will be much more enjoyable, so I'm inclined to agree with him, but I'll let him sweat it out a little.    

"Oh really? And why is that?" I giggle when he lets out a grunt and tightens his hold on me.    

"Because I said so. Tell Laur and Trace we'll meet them for dinner." He lets me go, then turns and saunters up to the cabin.     

I don't know if people have ever really noticed it or not...but for a skinny guy, Justin has a really nice ass.     

I'm not trying to brag or anything, but my boyfriend is incredibly good looking. He has those amazing, clear blue eyes, that seem to lighten and darken with his mood.    

I absolutely love his mouth, too. He's got the most perfect, pink, pouty, kissable lips in the world.     

He has this really great balance between masculinity and sensitivity. He knows when he needs to take care of me, but he also knows when I need him to just listen.    

I mean, he's not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, but even with his little quirks, mood swings and tendency to let his ego take over, he's still a really good guy. He's probably the best guy I've ever been with.     

I still have my doubts sometimes, just based on his track record. But, so far...he's doing everything he can to erase those doubts. I'm really proud of him and the way he's stepped up for me. He's proved he's committed to making this work, and I really couldn't ask for anything else.     

Lauren sets her fishing pole down, and slowly strolls up to me, her hands tucked into her pockets. There's a strange smile on her face and I'm guessing she knows something's up. She stands beside me, and elbows me a few times before she finally says something.         

"Anything you care to share?"    

"Ooh...nice rhyme." I giggle when she rolls her eyes and shoves me jokingly.    

"Anyway...I know what's going on." She says in a sing song voice, a knowing smile planted on her lips. "You guys did the whole 'I love you' thing."    

I scrunch up my nose and let out a sigh. "Are we really that obvious?"    

She shrugs and studies my face for a few minutes. "It's not even how you're acting...it's how you guys have been looking at each other all morning. It's just...that look, ya know? The one that says everything you can't say with words."    

She doesn't get near enough credit for it, but Laur is probably one of the smartest people I know. She's one of those wise beyond her years types, but she's not over the top about it. She calls things as she sees them, and has this amazing ability to read people.  I swear, sometimes, I think she knows what I'm thinking, before I do.     

"Just...be careful, Al. I know everything's great now...you're together all the time, and he's totally focused on you, but in a couple months...that's going to change completely. If you were still working for him, maybe I wouldn't be as concerned, but he's going to be a million miles away and you'll be at home. I don't see him cheating or anything, but it's going to be really tough. And now...thanks to Lynn...you guys have this little bit of pressure on you about the whole baby thing."    

"I know...but I think we'll be ok." I nod. "He's not the guy he was a year ago, I know it'll suck for awhile, but we'll get used to it, then we'll get through it. And the baby stuff, is a non-issue. It's too soon...neither of us are anywhere near ready...it's completely out of the question."    

"Thank god...we don't need a little Justin quite yet." She chuckles. "Looks like you better go." She waves at Justin, who's standing on the porch, glaring at me. "Go. Have fun. We'll see you at dinner." She winks, then jogs back down to the dock to stand beside Trace.    

I know she's right...I've been agonizing over it for weeks, but for this weekend..real life is going to take the back seat.     

We're here to have fun and relax. We can worry about reality later.

*********************************************************   

Justin's mad. Well...beyond mad, really. Furious, might be a better term.     

I feel awful. Everything was going fine. This day has been pretty much perfect.     

We spent the afternoon laying around, watching TV and just being lazy. It was really great. We talked about the album, his ideas for the tour, how we plan to keep this relationship on track while he's gone. It was a really good talk, and we needed to have it.     

We're both really happy with where this seems to be headed, and we're going to do everything possible to keep it going.     

Every two weeks, I'll use my days off to fly out and see him, and any time he has atleast two days off in a row, he'll come home. We're both positive it will work, and as long as we're both willing to put in the effort...we'll be just fine.     

We went over to Lauren and Trace's cabin around seven to go to dinner. None of us were in the mood for anything too fancy, so we ended up at a small diner a few miles away from where we're staying.     

Everything was going fine. The food was fantastic, and we were having a really good time.    

Then, my phone started to ring.     

The first and second times, I didn't even bother to check it. When it rang a third time, I relented and checked the caller I.D.    

It was Charlie.     

I figured he'd leave a message, and I could call him back later, but when it rang a fourth time, I couldn't ignore it anymore. I excused myself from the table, and headed outside to answer it.     

I've been on this damn phone for the last half an hour.     

Apparently the entire computer system in the office crashed, and Charlie lost all of the schedules I'd typed up for the four days I'd be gone, along with all the information regarding the shoots he'd be on. Thank God I brought my palm pilot, otherwise he'd be completely screwed.     

I've been rattling off all the information I have, to him, and he's having to write every bit of it down.     

"Seriously Ally...you're major saving my ass here...I owe you one."    

"It's nothing...I can come back if you really need me..."    

"It'd be great...but I can't make you do that. It'll be fine...I think."         

I can't help but laugh. I can clearly hear the stress in his voice, and I'm beginning to feel really bad about taking this time off. I went against my better judgement when I agreed to it, and of course...it's coming back to bite me in the ass.     

The door to the diner opens, and I look up to find Justin staring at me. The look on his face says it all....he's major pissed. His brow is furrowed, and his mouth is set into a tight, thin line. This is so not good.    

"When does your flight get in Monday?"    

"Umm...9 ish...I think. Why?"    

"Well...with it being the weekend...we can't get anybody here to fix this shit until Monday afternoon...do you think you could come in?"    

"Oh yeah...that won't be a problem. What time do you want me there?"    

Justin throws his hands up in the air, before yanking the door back open and storming inside.     

I get why he's mad...but he has to understand. His career has interfered with countless things in his life...he has to know he's not the only one who's job is important to them.     

There were millions of times that I had to cancel plans to do something for him...this isn't any different.     

I know I don't have any real reason to be mad, but his temper tantrum is wearing thin on my nerves, and I can feel a migraine quickly building up.        

"Just as soon as you can get here. There's no telling when they'll actually show up to straighten this mess out."    

"Alrighty...I'll be there."    

"Great...thanks Ally...You have no idea how much I appreciate it." He lets out a sigh of relief. "Sorry I had to interrupt your weekend...I just didn't know what to do."    

"Charlie...it's fine, really."    

"Alright...well...sorry again, and I guess I'll see you Monday."    

"Sounds good." I snap the phone shut and take a deep breath before heading back inside the diner.     

Just as I reach the table, our waiter is bringing back the change, and the three of them get up. Justin brushes past me without a word, and Lauren gives me a sympathetic smile.    

"You're ready to go, right?"    

I glance down at my half full plate, and frown. I wasn't exactly finished eating...but suddenly my appetite is completely gone.    

"Yeah...let's go." I sigh and follow Lauren and Trace out of the restaurant. Justin is already in the driver seat of the escalade with the engine running. Just great.     

The ride back to the cabins is spent in dead silence. As soon as we park, Lauren and Trace hop out, say their good night and hurry inside.     

Justin storms into our cabin, throws his keys down on the table and heads to the kitchen.    

In a way, I can understand that he'd get mad...but I think he's over reacting, just a tad. I'd like to talk to him, but when he's like this, there is absolutely no reasoning with him until his anger subsides.   

Right now, there's really no telling when that'll be. All I can really do, is wait it out.     

He re-enters the living room, and glares at me. "So, do I start packing now, or can I atleast wait until morning?"    

I give him an indifferent shrug, and don't even bother to look at him. "Why pack now? We aren't leaving until Monday."    

Shock registers on his face for a split second, but it's quickly replaced with the angry stare I've been getting since we left the diner.     

"Then why the hell were you on the phone so long?"    

"The computers at the office crashed and we lost all of our files. I keep everything on the computers, as well as my palm pilot. Charlie called to get the things he'd need for the next two days."    

"And let me guess...you're going to go running back into work as soon as we get home." He rolls his eyes and starts to pace the floor. "This is exactly why I didn't want you bringing all of that shit. I knew he'd find some way to have you worrying about that fucking job...giving you this weekend off was just a way to make you feel guilty, so that you'd come running anytime he asks."    

He sounds completely disgusted with me, and I almost want to slap him. He's being a complete prick, for absolutely no reason. He knew damn well that Charlie might need to get a hold of me this weekend. When I explained it to him before we left, he said he'd understood. This doesn't make any sense, and I don't know why he's having such a hostile reaction to it.    

"Justin...don't even. You know my job is important."     

He rolls his eyes and laughs bitterly. "Oh yeah Al...the place can't function without you."    

Now, he's just being mean. He's deliberately trying to start a fight, and as much as I hate to admit it...he's probably going to get exactly what he wants. Never in my life, did I expect him to belittle me, or my job.     

"All I asked for, was one weekend. One weekend to spend time with you. One weekend for us, before I go back to work. One weekend where I didn't have to hear about Charlie Walters every five damn minutes."    

"Well gee Justin...I'm so sorry I have a real job. Us normal folk can't drop everything and fly across the fucking country whenever we feel like it. I have responsibilities Justin...Charlie was being nice when he gave me this time off, and don't you dare accuse him of trying to do anything other than that."    

He scoffs and rolls his eyes again. "You think I don't have responsibilities? Do you know how many people's livelihoods depend on me? I have fans who pay damn good money to see me....I have the whole damn world on my back."    

"Oh yeah..those screaming 12 year olds really matter to you... You couldn't give a shit less about those people, and you know it. As long as Justin gets what he wants, nothing else matters."    

I could kill him right now. I really, really could. He just keeps pushing, and pushing and I'm getting dangerously close to my breaking point. It's almost unbelievable that someone like him, could get upset over the demands of a job, when his has taken it's toll on countless lives. A lot of people have had to make a lot of sacrifices because of him and his career, and they were all more than happy to do it, myself included.     

I'm not saying he can't be upset that my job is time consuming, but he has absolutely no right to stand there and berate me for it.    

"You know what?...I want you out of that job and back as my PA."    

"Well, that's just too damn bad, now isn't it? I'm not quitting. The whole fucking world doesn't revolve around you, Justin. How would you feel, if I sat here whining about the fact that you're going on tour soon? How about...I quit my job, when you quit yours."    

"Don't be ridiculous. I can get you out of there...and you know I can. Don't make me do it, Ally."    

I raise an eyebrow at him, and he stares me down. He's challenging me, but I'm not backing down. I'm not the kind of girl who's going to let her boyfriend control her. Whether he likes it or, Justin's going to have to accept that.     

I just can't wrap my head around this, at all. What the hell is his problem? This can't just be about how much I work...he's being way too irrational. There's more to this, and I'm going to find out what it is, even if it means we'll be screaming at each other all night.     

"What is this really about?"    

"Your obsession with your God damn job...what do you think it's about?"    

"No it's not, Justin. Don't stand there and lie to me."    

"I don't have any reason to lie." He throws his hands up in defense. "All you can ever talk about is Charlie Walters and how fucking great he is, and I'm tired of it. For two weeks it's been Charlie this, and Charlie that. The sun doesn't shine out of the guys ass, Ally."    

"Oh my God..." My hand flies to cover my mouth, and it finally dawns on me, what his real problem is.    

He's jealous.     

He can't stand the fact that more of my time is devoted to Charlie, than him. Maybe he's just too used to being my sole focus. For five years, my world revolved around all things Justin Timberlake. It doesn't anymore, and he can't handle it.     

"You're...you're jealous." I sputter out.     

His eyes widen a bit, and he quickly shakes his head. "Please. Like I have anything to be jealous of."    

"You shouldn't be...but you are. Oh my God. Justin..grow up. He's my boss. What the hell do you think is going to happen?"    

I never should have told him about my first encounter with Charlie. That night, I knew, just by the look on his face, that it bothered him. If it hadn't been for Lauren and her big damn mouth, I probably wouldn't have ever mentioned it to him.    

I mean, really...what's the big deal? So what, if I though the guy was attractive. I see good looking people every single day. He's being completely ridiculous about this and now...I can't help but wonder if there aren't some bigger issues at hand here.    

For starters...this seems to be about trust. I know he has trouble trusting people...but he has no reason to not trust me. Not once, have I lied to him.  Maybe, it's because of Britney and the damage she caused. Maybe he just has this fear that anyone he gets close to, is going to end up hurting him. But, he has to know that I'm not going to do that. I don't think I could live with myself if I did.    

But, I think the biggest problem here...is his insecurity. It's hard to believe that one of the seemingly most confident men in the world, could ever be insecure about anything, but he is. When he isn't on stage, or in front of a camera...he's just a guy from a small town. It's like he leaves his confidence on the stage, and becomes a completely different person when he steps off of it.     

"Do you not trust me?"     

His face softens, and he sits down next to me. "I completely trust you, Al." He says quietly. "It's him, I don't trust. I mean seriously...have you looked in a mirror lately? You're fucking beautiful."    

I can't stop the small smile that appears on my face. He may not be the most eloquent person in the world, but even when he's being an idiot...he knows how to redeem himself. If he keeps it up, I just might forget this whole thing ever happened.    

It's true people...flattery will get you everywhere.    

"You haven't even met him, Justin. He's a good guy. And, he's just my boss. Nothing more. You can't honestly believe that there's more to it than that."    

"I don't know..you just talk about him so damn much...it's like you think he could walk on water or something. 90 percent of your time, is spent with him. I'm leaving soon...what if he sees me being gone, as an opportunity to move in on you?"    

"Justin...that's not going to happen. I meant it when I said I love you. I don't want or need anybody else. That's not going to change just because you're on tour."    

He laces his fingers through mine, and presses his lips to the back of my hand. It's a small, simple gesture, but it's perfect.    
    

"I'm being a jackass, right?"    

"Yeah...you are." I smirk at him, and he finally smiles. "But, I'm kind of used to it."    

"I'm sorry, Al."    

"I know." I smile, and kiss him quickly. "Just don't let it happen again...and I promise you won't be hearing about Charlie anymore, ok?"    

"It's not even that." He says and lets out a sigh. "I want to know what you're doing when I'm not around...I just...I don't know...I don't know what the hell I'm talking about."    

"I get it." I nod. "You don't know him, and it makes you nervous. I understand... but you've got to trust me, Justin. I know a lot of people have fucked you over...but I'm not one of them, and I don't intend to be."    

He grins, and kisses me slowly. When he pulls back, he rests his forehead against mine, and looks me dead in the eyes.     

"How do you put up with me?"    

I giggle and shrug. "You're cute."    

"Oh...so you're using me for my looks?"    

"Something like that." I grin when he rolls his eyes and shakes his head.    

In a way, I guess it was a stupid fight. But, I think all of that needed to come out. If it hadn't, there's no telling what would have happened if he left, feeling all of this.     

I usually try to avoid conflict, but this needed to happen. I'm just glad that for once, he pulled his head out of his ass, and listened.    

He's a typical male. Refuses to believe he's ever wrong, and will stop at nothing to prove just how right he is.    

I guess, he's growing up. We all have been, lately. Trace has calmed down considerably, Lauren is much more focused than she ever was and me...well...I don't really know. I've always considered myself to be a little more mature than most people my age...but it's kind of hard to see changes in yourself.    

We're all in our mid 20's...maybe this should have happened a long time ago, but we've never done anything the way most people do.     

People have always said growing up sucks, but right now...it doesn't seem so bad.  

"Collide"-Howie Day

I'm walking on clouds now
And the sky is falling on down
Well I don't wanna wake up if I'm dreaming
Don't think I'll ever get out of my bed
It's like every moment brings a surprise
And my eyes won't open
I feel something's different
Goodbye my fears
I feel that we have parted
The possibilities keep walking in on me
And it feels so strange, I guess that's change
It's alright
The possibilities keep walking in on me
 

I step into the club, and almost immediately, the scent of smoke, alcohol and sweat hits my nose. These places have always had this really distinct smell, that's uniquely their own. It's not a bad smell...but it's not exactly good either.    

Trace appears in front of me, virtually out of nowhere, and shoves a drink in my hand. I take a whiff, and grin.    

I don't recall when, or how our obsession with Jack and Coke started, but we're at the point where neither of us can hardly stand to drink anything else.    

"Where have you been, man? Johnny's been waiting on your ass for like an hour." He shouts over the music.    

"Had to make the grand entrance." I roll my eyes and take a sip of my drink. I think Trace is the only person who's even realized I'm here. Everyone else seems a little too focused on getting trashed.    

I've always thought these release parties were kind of a joke. Sure, it's nice to celebrate the fact that my work is out to the public, but that's not the point of these things.     

It's all about the industry folks getting together to brag about how much money they stand to make. It also gives radio stations an opportunity to hold some ridiculous contest for invites to the party.     

I don't know why...but a lot of those contest winners end up being pretty skanky chicks, who spend the evening trying to molest me on the dance floor.         

"Where's Ally?"    

Trace shrugs and takes a large gulp of his drink. "She called a couple hours ago and said her flight had just gotten in, and that she was headed to the hotel to change, then she'd be here."    

I know it's childish, but I can't stop the pout that takes over my face. I haven't seen my girlfriend in almost two months. I've been doing the promotion thing like crazy, and I've been in New York almost the whole time.     

Every chance we get, we're on the phone, but it isn't the same. Just hearing her voice, doesn't even compare to seeing her face everyday, or having her lying next to me at night.     

I knew I'd miss her. I guess I just didn't realize it'd be this much. I've been completely miserable without her, and according to Trace, I've been a total dick about it.        

It's just so hard to not have her there with me. For five years, she's been at my side constantly. It's just way too weird without her.     

"Well, holy shit...look who just walked in." Trace yells excitedly and nods toward the door.     

Standing in the doorway, is the one person I'd really been hoping to see tonight, but I wasn't 100 percent sure he'd be here. He finally spots us and weaves through the crowd.    

"J-fuckin-C!" Trace shouts and pulls him into a hug. I think Trace needs to be kept far away from the open bar. He's in that overly affectionate stage of drunkenness. It's all good and well, but I know what the next stage is, and I'm not ready for belligerent Trace quite yet.     

"Hey man..glad you could make it."    

"Yeah. I am too." Jc smiles, then looks around slowly. "Anybody else here?"    

"Johnny's upstairs, kissing ass." Trace rolls his eyes and lets out a snort. "Joe and the wife are around here somewhere. I lost Lauren at the bar." He frowns, then finishes off his drink. "I need a refill...guess I'll go find her."    

Jc and I both chuckle as Trace stumbles off, running into people the entire way.     

"So, how's it going? You excited about all of this?"        

"Yeah man...It's cool, ya know? They let me do my own thing, and I'm really happy with how it turned out."    

"That's cool. You definitely deserve it."    

I really wish I had more time to spend with the guys from the group. It never really hits me until I see one of them for the first time in several months, but I really miss them. I mean, I guess I'm mostly to blame for our demise, but nobody knew how Justified would go over.    

It was a huge risk, and I just got lucky.     

I know we all walked away on good terms, but sometimes, I can't help but wonder if they all hold some resentment toward me. On the rare occasions that I do get to see them, it's awkward and strained. We spend the whole time making small talk, until one of us finds an excuse to take off.    

It never used to be like that. I used to be able to talk to any one of them, for hours on end. We never had to stare at each other until one of us could come up with something to talk about.    

Even if it is my fault, it still sucks.     

"So, what have you been up to man? I haven't seen you in forever."    

"Eh...you know me." He shrugs and laughs lightly. "Working on a record...doing some producing and writing. I gotta stay busy. I heard you and Ally finally hooked up."    

"Yeah...it's been about six months now."    

"That's really cool, man. I always kinda saw it coming. Took you long enough though." He chuckles and shakes his head. "Anyway...I'm gonna head up to the bar, so I'll catch you later."    

"Yeah...thanks for coming." I call out as he disappears into the crowd.    

I kind of meander around for awhile, thanking people for coming, and kissing ass when I run into anyone from the label. I haven't got the slightest idea where any of my friends are, so I head to the bar.    

I'm actually kind of surprised at the turn out for this thing. I figured there'd be a lot of people here, but I wasn't expecting this. The place is packed, and it's almost impossible to move around without nearly knocking someone over.    

I've got to admit though, I'm more than ready to get the listening portion of this thing started. I'm really anxious to see how people react, especially Ally.    

She's heard a couple of songs from the album, but has yet to hear it in it's entirety. This album is completely different from anything I've ever done. Honestly, I don't think there's a bad track on it, but it's not my opinion that matters.     

Maybe I'm just not used to being back in the swing of things yet, but I feel so out of place here. All of the reasons I took so much time off are hitting me really hard. I was just so tired of all the bullshit. The Hollywood lifestyle turned me into someone I never wanted to be, and I had to get out.    

Maybe that time off really did change me, because sitting here now, watching all the "beautiful people" kiss ass, makes me want to bolt out the door.     

Johnny says it's just nerves, and he's probably right. I damn near had a nervous breakdown before Justified came out. I guess it should be different this time around. I should be used to being out on my own...but it never gets any easier. Honestly, the fact that it's all on me, makes it that much more nerve wracking.    

I finally spot Lauren and Trace seated at a table and I make my way over toward them. There's another man, who I've never seen, leaning over the table, talking a mile a minute. Lauren looks completely disinterested in whatever he's saying, but Trace is practically hanging on his every word.        

Judging by the way he's dressed, I'm assuming he's in some band Trace listens to, or something. The invitations for this thing clearly stated that formal attire wasn't an option, but I guess this guy didn't get the memo.     

His black jeans are ripped in several different places, and his definition of formal seems to be a wrinkled, black button up shirt.     

Who the hell does this guy think he is, Johnny Cash?    

I finally push my way through the crowd and get to the table. Right away, Lauren pulls me down next to her.    

"Thank God you found us...these two are boring me to tears." She rolls her eyes and takes a sip of her wine. "They've been talking about bands, nobody but them has ever heard of."    

"Still no sign of Ally?"        

"No...but don't worry. She'll be here. She's probably just trying to look all perfect for you." She giggles.    

I can't help but smile at that thought. Ally's never been the type to spend hours in front of the mirror, doing her hair or applying make up, but when she really wants to make an impression, she puts a lot of effort into that stuff, and it more than pays off.     

Really...she doesn't have to try to impress me. She could show up here, in her pajamas, her hair a mess, and I'd still think she was gorgeous.     

I guess it's just that natural beauty thing people always talk about.    

"Well, speak of the devil." Lauren chuckles as my head whips around toward the front of the club.    

To say she looks incredible, would be a terrible understatement. She looks....just wow.     

Her hair's a little longer than it was a few months ago, and she obviously spent a good deal of time curling it, so that it falls in long waves around her shoulders. My eyes travel up and down her body as she dodges people left and right, trying to fight her way to our table.     

I could be wrong, but it looks like she's lost a few pounds as well. Not that she needed to, but it's almost impossible to not notice it, with the way her dark blue cocktail dress is hugging her in all the right places. I've never seen that dress before, so it must be new, but I'm definitely not complaining. She looks damn good in it.     

She finally reaches the table, and barely even glances at me. Instead, her attention is completely focused on the guy who's been babbling at Trace for God knows how long.    

"Charlie...what are you doing here?"    

Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me. Is this seriously happening?    

"Hey Al."He smiles. "I flew out kind of last minute. Johnny thought I should be here, since I'll be on the shoot for the next single."    

Well, isn't that just fuckin great. Not only has this ass ruined my long awaited reunion with the woman I love, but he's going to destroy my second video, as well.     

I'm convinced, now more than ever, that God hates me. He's given me money and success to make up for the fact that he screws me over in my personal life, on a daily basis.     

I know...I sound like a whiney little bitch, but right now...I don't care.     

"That's great." Ally grins, and finally decides to acknowledge my existence. "Jus...did you hear that? We get to work together." She seems so excited about it, and it's really hard to be mad at her.     

"Yeah...that's awesome." I force a smile as she sits down next to me. I kind of wish she and Charlie would take off to the bar or something. I'd really like to bitch about this interesting little development for awhile.    

Over the last few months, Ally and I have had our fair share of arguments, most of them about Charlie. It all kind of started with our big blow up in Memphis.    

I mean, they haven't all been major screaming matches or anything, and it's not like it's a constant thing, but it does seem to be a growing problem.     

She just...I can't even explain it. She talks about him like she's never known anyone as great as he is, it's like he's the smartest, nicest person she's ever met, or how he's so easy to work for.    

I mean, I completely expected them to become friends. With Lauren, Trace and I gone, she's pretty much on her own in L.A and I know it has to suck.    

Maybe, I'm just reading too much into it. As far as I know, she hasn't spent any time with him, outside of work. But, I have a feeling it's not far off.    

And really...I'm ok with that. I don't want her to sit at home every night, feeling miserable. I want her to go out and do stuff.        

But, of all the people in California, why does it have to be with that guy?    

Ally thinks I'm crazy, but I know his type. Charlie Walters may have my girlfriend fooled, but I can see right through him.    

He's charmed Ally into thinking he's this great guy, and I'm sure that's part of the game. He's going to pull that knight in shining armor shit, until he gets what he wants, then he'll disappear.    

I know, because I've done it. I've been that guy before. I don't have to know Charlie Walters, to know what he's about.     

However, I know Ally's way too smart for that stuff, so he's really barking up the wrong tree. Plus, as cocky as it sounds...that girl is in love with me. He needs to move onto his next victim, and leave my woman alone. He really is just wasting his time.     

I sling an arm over her shoulders, and she looks over at me, a smile planted on her face. "How was your flight?"    

"Not too bad." She shrugs and leans into me. "Sorry it took me so long to get here."    

"It's cool. You look amazing."    

She smiles shyly and rolls her eyes. "Thanks."    

The music cuts off, and before I know it, Johnny Wright's voice is booming throughout the club. This is exactly what I've been waiting for. He makes a brief introduction, then the first track on the album begins to pound through the building.    

Almost immediately, people are on their feet.  All of the nerves, the stress, and the fear, I've been feeling, vanish.     

The entire place is going nuts for the album, the woman I love, and my best friends are beside me.     

What else could I want, or need? 

**************************************************    

I want to go on record and say, this has been quite possibly the longest day of my life. We started bright and early, at four a.m, and I can safely say...as many times as you get up that early, it never gets any easier.     

There were several early morning radio interviews, followed by an appearance on the Today show. Then, of course, there was a press conference, a few more interviews, a photo shoot, TRL, then the release party.     

It's going on almost five a.m, and after nearly 25 hours of non-stop work, I'm ready to drop.     

However, Ally's here, so I won't be sleeping anytime soon. Hanging out with her is way more important than any amount of sleep.    

She's leaving sometime in the morning, and I'm not exactly sure when I'll get to see her again. We have a plan worked out for the tour, but as far as the promotion stuff goes, we just have to deal with the distance.     

As soon as we enter the room, she kicks off her heels and lets out a sigh of relief. "I hope you appreciated that...my feet are killing me."    

"Honestly Al...you could have worn a garbage bag, and I wouldn't have cared."     

She rolls her eyes and attempts to hide her smile. "Gee, thanks."    

"You know what I mean, but...you looked fantastic."    

"Good." She nods, a triumphant smile planted on her lips. She grabs a T-shirt from my bag and quickly changes, then crawls into bed.    

"So...umm...why was Charlie there tonight?"    

I know...I shouldn't bring it up. I'm just asking for a fight, and that's the last thing I want to spend our few hours together doing, but it's really starting to annoy me. It's like this guy is doing his damnedest to get involved in my life, and I don't like it.    

"Apparently Johnny asked him to be there." Ally shrugs and pulls her hair up. "Why?"    

"I was just curious. It seems a little weird that he just hops on a plane, and doesn't tell his assistant."         

I ease into bed next to her, and I can feel every muscle in my body relax, almost instantly. I didn't realize it before, but I ache from head to toe. You wouldn't think it, but running around all day really puts a strain on your body.     

"I'm not that kind of assistant." She says simply. "I don't have to know his every move, the way I did with you."    

"Makes sense." I nod, as she curls up next to me. "So, when does your flight leave?"    

"Nine or ten, I think." The tone of her voice changes, and it's impossible to ignore the sadness there.     

I know she hates this as much as I do, and I'm not trying to be a dick or anything...but she chose this. If she had stayed on as my PA, there wouldn't be an issue. She's the one who had to be all independent. I'd almost guarantee that just adds to how miserable she already feels.    

Realizing that something is your fault, is never easy.     

"I really hate this, ya know. I know it'll be easier once you're on the road...but I hate not seeing you everyday."    

"Oh, you have no idea." I chuckle and shake my head. "But, it'll be alright. We'll do what we can."    

She nods slowly, then looks up at me. "How did you do this with other girls? I mean...you always acted like you were fine, but Trace keeps saying what a pain in the ass you've been this time."    

"This time, it's you." I say simply and she grins.    

"No...seriously...like, with Britney...it wasn't like she could come see you whenever."    

"Well, my phone bill was through the roof, I know that much."  She giggles and rolls her eyes.    

I know we're both worried about this, but I just don't feel like getting into it. She's only here for a short period of time, and there are much more important things I'd rather be doing.     

I crawl on top of her, making sure to rest my weight on my hands and knees, instead of her legs. Her eyes lock with mine, and her lips crash against mine.    

I probably don't tell her anywhere near as much as I should, but I really do love her. I've never been with anyone who makes me feel even half of what she does.     

For a long time, it kind of freaked me out. It just didn't seem right to be so dependent on someone else to make me happy, but when I realized that she needs me, just as much as I need her, it made sense. And, there isn't anything wrong with that.     

It sounds stupid, but in a way, I'm jealous of Lauren and Trace.     

They're together virtually 24 hours a day. There's almost nothing that could come between them, and in a couple months...they'll be married.    

I know Ally and I aren't ready for marriage yet...but a small part of me really wishes we were. I've already made up my mind...and she's it for me.    

When I think about getting married, or having kids, or getting old, she's the woman I see by my side, through it all.    

And, I don't think I'd ever want to see anyone else. If all of those things aren't with her... then I don't think I can do them.

*****************************************************************    

"Dude...wake the hell up. You're never gonna believe this!" Trace practically shrieks as he bounds into our room.    

Ally quickly pulls the sheet up around her neck, and rolls away from me. I glance at the clock, and suddenly there's a very strong urge to strangle the life out of Trace. I've been asleep for roughly half an hour, and his midget ass, in here screaming like an idiot, has completely ruined it.     

"What the hell, man?" I ask angrily and rub my face, as he enters the bedroom.     

"Look, sorry if I interrupted the sex fest or whatever...but this shit's important!" He stomps his foot, and I have to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. He looks so much like a little kid right now. Hell, anytime he gets mad he looks, and acts like a child.    

"What's wrong?"    

"Lauren's replacement showed up this morning. She's leaving today. Johnny got her a seat on Ally's flight."    

"Wait...what?"    

"No fuckin joke, dude! Her and Johnny have had this shit planned for like, a month."    

This has to be a joke. There's no way, my manager, or my stylist, would go behind my back like this. Not to mention the fact, how could Lauren not tell Trace? She had to know he'd go completely ape shit.     

"Are you sure?"    

"She's packing her shit right now!" He squeaks.    

"Alright...calm down...I'll get dressed and call Johnny."    

"Hurry it the hell up, their flight leaves in two hours." He calls over his shoulder, as he practically flys from the room.

*************************************    

I spent 45 minutes on the phone with Johnny, and it was completely useless. I kind of expected it, but it still sucks.     

His standpoint was, that I was already well aware of the fact that Lauren and Trace, would both be leaving soon. It just so happens, that Lauren's replacement was able to start before Trace's.    

I knew all of this was coming, but I guess I just wasn't fully prepared. Everything is turning around, and I'm not so sure I like the way it's headed.    

The drive to the airport goes by quick, and before I know it, we're standing at the gate, and the final boarding calls are being made.        

Lauren and Trace look like they're about ready to kill each other, which is understandable. I get why Trace is mad. All she had to do, was tell him. Blind siding him with it, was pretty shitty.    

But, I kind of get why she did it. She knew he'd spend a month bitching, about not having her around, and it was probably just easier this way. Plus, she needs the time away. She has a wedding to finish planning, moving arrangements to complete. She's got a lot on her plate right now.    

Ally looks up at me, and tries to smile, but it comes across as more of a wince of pain.     

"I guess somebody should have told him, huh?"     

My eyes widen a bit, as I stare down at her. "You knew?"    

"Well...yeah. I helped them find the girl." She shrugs. "They swore me to secrecy. I wasn't even allowed to tell you."    

I feel like somebody just punched me in the gut. She was keeping something from me? I mean...I know it's not like it was some life altering secret...but I thought we were completely honest with each other. Kind of makes me wonder, what else is she keeping to herself?    

"Anyway...I gotta go." She kisses me quickly, then takes a step back. "I'll call you when we get home. Love you." She disappears down the walkway, and all I can do, is stand there.    

Just like that, she's gone. She's going back to L.A. Back to working her ass off, for a guy, who I'm positive, is trying to get in her pants.     

I was so sure everything would be ok. That she'd fight Charlie off, because she's mine and she loves me.     

But now that I know she could keep something, so small and stupid from me...what is she going to do when something big comes up?

"Possibilities"-Teddy Geiger

We used to have this figured out
We used to breathe without a doubt
When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see
We used to have this under control
We never thought
We used to know
At least there's you, and at least there's me
Can we get this back?
Can we get this back to how it used to be?
    

"What about this one?" Lauren twirls around in front of me, a huge smile on her face.    

"It's good...but that's not it."    

"Yeah, I thought so too." She frowns and heads back into the dressing room.    

We've been out looking for her wedding dress all morning, and so far...it's not looking too good. Originally, she had planned to have one designed specifically for her, but it would have shot the budget to hell, so off the rack it is.     

She knows pretty much what she wants, it's just a matter of actually finding it, and with the wedding a little over two and a half months away, there isn't a whole lot of time.    

Even though I've become her personal wedding slave once again, I'm so glad she's home. For the two months all three of them were gone, I was totally on my own. The first few weeks, were great. The house was so peaceful and quiet, which after five years of absolute chaos, was a welcome change.     

But, the more time dragged on, the lonelier I got, and I found myself calling each of them several times a day. This last week of having Lauren here, has been great for me. I finally don't feel like a completely loser, who has no life outside of work.     

"Alright, I give up." Lauren lets out a frustrated sigh, and grabs her purse. "You hungry? I'm hungry."    

"I could eat." I shrug. "But, I need to swing past work first. I've got some paperwork I need to drop off."    

"Fine. Whatever. Just feed me." She giggles as we leave the shop and head for my car. "Did I tell you Trace is still pissed?"    

I roll my eyes and shake my head. "Justin's mentioned it a few times. I get it though, ya know? You should have told him, Laur. And pulling me into it, didn't help."    

"I know." She nods sadly. "But, I just didn't want to deal with it. I wasn't exactly thrilled at the idea of coming back here, and there's so much going on now. I didn't need him freaking out."    

"Yeah, because he didn't freak out when you just up and left." I snort and roll my eyes for the millionth time.     

"That's different, Ally. I can handle him wigging out for a couple hours. But a month? I think not. He had this whole big plan worked out, that we'd both quit right before the wedding, then after, we'd move into the house. Apparently I ruined the entire thing. He's such a drama queen."    

"Oh please...Trace is probably the most laid back guy on the planet...when you don't hit him with shit out of nowhere."    

She rolls her eyes and groans as I pull into the parking lot. "I just want it all to calm down."    

"It will, eventually. Just chill out."    

"Oh, easy for you to say, miss I'm in love with the perfect man, and everything's wonderful. You just wait until Justin proposes, and everything goes all crazy at once."    

As we enter the building, I don't say a word. I know she didn't mean anything by it, but she's right. I've been acting like everything in my life is sunshine and rainbows, when really...there's a little bit of tension between Justin and I.     

I thought maybe if I ignored it, it would go away. I mean really...it's ridiculous for him to be intimidated by Charlie. He's said countless times, he's not worried, but I know he is. He's doing a good job of putting up this front, like everything's just fine...but I know, deep down, it's driving him crazy.     

I kind of understand, I guess. If he was working with a woman, who I didn't know, and had only met once, I might be a little concerned, but I don't think I'd let it become this all consuming thing. I trust him, and if our situations were reversed, I'd have to believe that he wouldn't break that trust.    

I know that, that's our problem. He doesn't trust me as much as he should, and I know it's not completely his fault. He hasn't been able to trust a woman in years, because of things that were done to him in previous relationships, I get it. But, there comes a time where you just have to let the bad shit go, and for some reason, he can't seem to do that.     

And, the marriage stuff? Lauren's out of her damn mind if she thinks we're even remotely close to taking that step. We haven't discussed it, what so ever, and I don't see it happening any time in the near future.     

I don't understand why, but it's like everyone around us is trying to push us into taking those giant leaps, and quite frankly...it's starting to grate on my nerves. Things are mostly ok the way they are, we don't need to go any further until we're both ready, and Justin can get over this Charlie nonsense.        

Marriage and babies are light years away for us. Everyone else just needs to realize it.     

We finally reach the eighth floor, and step off the elevator. We're met with the thunderous sound of Nirvana, and I can't help but laugh.     

Anytime Charlie has the office to himself, he cranks the stereo as loud as he possibly can. Personally, I'd think it would be a huge distraction, but he claims it helps him work. We find him in the editing room, and I immediately turn the music down, then set the paperwork down in front of him.    

"You...are a life saver." He grins as he quickly flips through it. "This is great. Thank you."    

"It's nothing." I give him a small smile. "So...how's all this going?" I gesture to the screen in front of us. Charlie rolls his eyes, and runs his hands through his hair.    

"It's a disaster...and it's supposed to be ready by eight a.m tomorrow." He shakes his head slowly. "So basically...not so good."    

"You look like you could use a break. We were just about to get lunch. You're more than welcome to come with." Lauren smirks at me, then turns to smile sweetly at Charlie.    

What in the hell is she doing? I don't want to hang out with my boss! It'd just be awkward and seeing him at Justin's release party was weird enough.     

"You sure you guys don't mind?" Charlie gives me a skeptical look, and before I can even open my mouth, Lauren butts in.    

"Of course not. Let's go." She grins, and disappears down the hallway.    

"You sure it's cool, Al? I don't want to impose on your plans or anything...and I know hanging out with your boss can be kind of odd."    

Against my better judgement, I nod, and turn to follow Lauren. Charlie is just way too nice, and I don't think I could bring myself to tell him no. Besides, I've had lunch with him plenty of times. Why would this be any different?    

Once we get outside, Charlie opts to take his own car, and I silently thank God for this small miracle. He definitely doesn't need to know that his assistant drives like a nutcase.     

We're quickly seated at a table in the front of the restaurant, and Lauren plops down next to me, leaving Charlie to sit on the opposite side, alone. We place our drink orders and the table is taken over by awkward silence. Charlie drums his fingers against the table, and studies the traffic going by outside, while Lauren browses the menu.    

I grab my phone and text Justin, hoping he'll be able to offer some type of distraction and I can get through this lunch as quickly as possible.    

"So, Charlie...how did you get into the whole video thing?"    

He chuckles softly and shrugs. "I kind of failed as a musician. I'd taken some film production classes in college, so it seemed like the next best way to stay in the business."    

"Musician, eh?" Lauren raises an eyebrow and smirks. "What do you play?"    

"Guitar mostly. A little bit of piano."    

"Justin plays both of those." I mumble, but it seems to go completely unheard.    

"No singing?"    

"Oh God no." He laughs and shakes his head. "I wouldn't wish that sound on anybody."    

"Oh, I'm sure you're not that bad. You definitely can't be as bad as Ally. Normally, she sounds like a dying cat."    

I kick Lauren under the table, and she sticks her tongue out at me. Charlie and I are barely even friends, so I really don't think he needs to know every embarrassing detail about me. And, I really don't get Lauren's sudden interest in him.    

At the release party, he could have dropped dead, and she probably wouldn't have even noticed.     

If I didn't know better, I'd swear she's trying to flirt with him.     

My phone finally vibrates and there's no hiding the frown that takes over when I read the message.    

"It's Trace. He's in an interview...what'd you need?"    

I ignore the message, and toss my phone back into my purse.     

"Is that lover boy?" Lauren giggles and rolls her eyes.     

"No, apparently he's in an interview."    

"Ya know...I've actually gotten a few treatments for his second video already. He seems to have really hit his stride, and he's got a lot of people interested in him. Pretty much the entire industry is blown away by that album."    

I smile proudly and nod. I can't help it...I really like hearing that my boyfriend is a musical genius.     

We spend the rest of our meal discussing the various video treatments that have been sent to Charlie, and before I know it, Lauren and I are back in my car, headed home.     

"Good Lord, Al. It's a good thing you've got Justin." She shakes her head and chuckles. "Cause if you were single, working with that everyday, and weren't interested...I'd have to question your sanity."    

I scrunch up my nose, and shake my head. "Nah...he's nice, and yeah...he's not bad to look at...but he's...I don't know...he's more like, big brother material."    

"I'm gonna have to disagree." She laughs as we pull into the driveway.     

Her phone starts to ring before we get inside, and judging by the way her face lights up, I'm assuming it's Trace. It must be nice to have a boyfriend who can call you whenever the hell he feels like it.     

I'd promised myself that I wouldn't go into clingy girlfriend mode...but damnit, I miss him. Even though things aren't exactly perfect right now, I still want him around.     

I know he's convinced Charlie's going to sweep me off my feet or whatever, but it doesn't matter. I know it's not going to happen, so he can be as over protective and paranoid as he wants...I just miss him and want him back here with me.     

Right now, I'd settle for a phone call, a text message, anything.     

And yes...I know it's absolutely pathetic and I'm a disgrace to womanhood or whatever, for being so desperate, but I can't help it.     

I pull out my phone, and try calling him. Just as I suspected, his phone goes straight to voicemail, and I follow Lauren into the house, listening to her chirp happily to Trace.     

Wordlessly, I drag myself up the stairs, and into Justin's bedroom. I quickly change into one of his T-shirts, and a pair of boxers, then collapse into his bed. I can still faintly smell his cologne on his pillow, and it isn't long before my eyes start to get heavy.     

Maybe it's just the distance. I've heard him say millions of times, that the distance has always put a strain on his relationships, even with his friends and family.     

But, deep down...I know, we have a much bigger problem. Even if neither of us can admit it.

****************************************************    

"Ally...what the hell are you doing?" Lauren tries to suppress a giggle, but doesn't succeed as she shakes my arm.     

I roll over and push my hair out of my face, then glance at the clock. It's nearing midnight, so...I've been asleep for the last...almost eight hours. Not to mention the fact that I am currently all snuggled up in my boyfriend's bed, wearing his clothes. I seriously need a life.    

"I was tired." I shrug and sit up.     

"Well...Justin's called about a thousand times...and wants you to call him back. Anyway...there's grilled chicken on the stove...I'm heading to bed."    

"Alright...thanks." I call after her as she leaves the room.    

I could really care less about eating at the moment, so I grab my phone from the night stand and sure enough...there's seven missed calls and four voice mails. I dial his number as fast as my fingers will allow. After four rings, someone picks up, but it isn't Justin.    

"Hey...it's me."    

"Oh, hey Al. What's up?"    

"Nothing, Trace." I sigh in annoyance and hop that his short ass gets the hint, that I don't want to talk to him.     

I hear a familiar voice behind him, demanding to know who's on the phone and I can't help but laugh. "Trace, put him on the phone."    

"Nah...watching him freak out because he doesn't know who it is, is way more fun."    

"Damnit Trace, if that's Ally...I'm kicking your ass."    

"Threats of bodily harm do not scare me." Trace chuckles and returns to our conversation. "So, how was your day?"    

"Trace..." I roll my eyes and laugh. He really can be a pain in the ass, when he wants to be.    

"Yeah, mine wasn't so great either. I have this boss, who's a total dick when he doesn't get to talk to his girlfriend. It's pretty pathetic."    

There's a loud crash on Trace's end, followed by numerous swear words, then Justin's smooth voice is in my ear.    

"Hey Al."    

"How'd you know it was me?"    

"Because he only acts like a retard when you call."         

I chuckle and let myself sink deeper into his bed. I know it probably sounds weird, but laying here in his clothes, actually makes me feel a little bit closer to him. His bedroom is just so...him. From the mess scattered all over the place, to the posters on the walls...the room just screams Justin. Which is probably why I've spent so much time in here, the last couple months. I can't even remember the last time I slept in my own bed.    

"Dude...what the hell? I'm bleeding!" Trace calls out, and I can just see Justin rolling his eyes.    

"Barely. I think you'll survive. Now, get the fuck out."    

"You two really shouldn't be left alone." I say and receive a snort.    

"Tell me about it. One day, I'm going to kill his little ass." He chuckles softly, then clears his throat. "So...I got some news today."    

"Oh yeah?"    

"Yeah...we have two and a half weeks of promo left, then I'll be home for tour rehearsals and the wedding. I think it's a week or so after the wedding, that the tour actually starts."    

"I swear to God....if you're kidding..."     

"No joke, baby. Johnny told me today." He says excitedly, and I can't stop the huge smile that's taken over my face.    

This is probably the best news I've gotten all week. We'll have more than two months together before he leaves, and I couldn't be happier. It was starting to feel like I'd never see him again, and I don't even want to imagine what a world without Justin would be like, whether he's my boyfriend, or just my best friend.     

"So..." He drawls out.       

"So..." I mimic him, and he laughs.    

"I really miss you, Al. I think seeing you last week just made it worse."    

I smile stupidly, even though he can't see it. I will never understand how or why, but he knows the perfect thing to say at any given moment. I swear, the boy was put on this earth to make women swoon, and he does a fantastic job of it.    

"I miss you too. And, believe it or not...I actually miss Trace."    

"I'll be more than happy to stick him on a plane, and send him your way. He's useless without Lauren here. Either he's moping, or he's on the phone with her. So, basically...I have no assistant anymore."    

"Oh don't even....like you haven't been just as bad as he is."    

"But they're old and married." He whines.    

"Anyway...Johnny will find you an assistant, just chill out." I roll my eyes and switch the phone to my left ear.    

Lauren definitely had it all wrong when she said Trace was a drama queen. If anyone around here has a flare for the dramatic, it's Justin.     

He can take the smallest, most insignificant thing, and blow it so out of proportion that it seems like it's the end of the world.    

And, that's exactly what he's been doing with this whole Charlie thing. He can't get a grip on his jealousy, or trust issues...so he's taking it out on me. Maybe it's escalated, because I've let it go on this long, and haven't said anything. Maybe I need to sit him down, and tell him how it is, and if he doesn't like it, then maybe we need to re-evaluate exactly what it is, we're doing here.     

I can't stand back and watch him do this, because it's only going to push us apart, and I don't want that happening. I love him more than anything, but I'm tired of justifying his actions. It's time we settled this, once and for all.     

As much as I don't want to start a fight, I know it needs to happen.     

"Jus...when you get home, I think we need to talk about some things." I say quietly, and I can hear him take in a sharp breath.     

"Yeah...we do. Everything's really messed up, isn't it?"    

"Kind of...but we'll fix it."    

"Yeah...we will." His tone lightens and I breathe a sigh of relief. "I know exactly how to fix it."  

"Used To"-Daughtry

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
I'll keep us together whatever it takes        

I look to my left, and fight the urge to throw something, as yet another flash goes off in my face. I know...I should be used to it, and in a way, I guess I am, but it's pretty frustrating when you're trying to do something, but don't have a whole lot of time to do it, and these assholes want to interfere.     

"You just want to keep walking?" Trace asks as we get closer to our destination.    

"Yeah." I sigh angrily and roll my eyes.    

Normally, I could care less if they follow me, or what they assume about what I'm doing, but today, they could put a major dent in my plans, and I'm not having it. I'm determined for this to work exactly the way I want, and nothing is going to stand in the way of that.    

It's weird how quickly it came to me. I mean really, it's been right there in front of me, all along. I just didn't see it until last night. This is the one thing, that could solve all the issues between Ally and I.     

I'm going to ask her to be my wife.    

Granted, I know it won't completely eliminate the Charlie problems, and it's not going to have any affect on the fact that I'll be back on the road in a couple months, but I really want to do this. I love her, and as far as I'm concerned, this is the next logical step.    

I know we haven't been together very long, but I've known Ally all my life. I don't see any signs that this isn't the right thing to do. When I told Trace, he was damn near jumping up and down, so I know I'm ok. If he'd have thought it was a bad idea, he would have told me.     

And honestly, I know this isn't some quick fix for everything, but it can only help. Besides, it's not like we have to get married tomorrow. She can take all the time she wants to plan, and do whatever girly shit she'll have to do to prepare. I've got all the time in the world to wait for her.     

"Justin...rumor has it, that you and your girlfriend have gotten pretty serious, care to comment?"     

I keep my head down, as they continue to shout questions at me from a million different directions. I never really did understand why they do that, do they think screaming at me is going to make me more prone to answer their stupid asses?     

Really, these guys couldn't be any dumber if they tried. They'd have much better luck getting their pictures, or interviews, or whatever the hell it is they want, if they were nice about it, and gave me some space.     

If one of them approached me on the street, and said he wanted to ask a few questions, and take some pictures, I'd probably be more likely to cooperate. Instead, they want to hunt me down like a God damn dog, and chase me down the street. There should be some type of law against this shit.     

"Dude...fuck off. Why don't you guys get real jobs?" Trace barks at them, and I have to hold back a laugh.    

He's never been shy when it comes to dealing with the paparazzi. He has no problem letting them know exactly how he feels about them, and I can only stand back and watch. I mean, I've flown off the handle at them numerous times, but I've got to keep my cool. The slightest wrong move I make, will be front page news the next day and Johnny would shit if I start raking in bad press before the tour.     

"Let's just go in." I sigh as we finally stop in front of Tiffany's.    

"You sure?"    

I nod, and follow him into the building. They all clamor around the door, hoping to catch a glimpse of what we're doing inside, but unfortunately for them...I called ahead.     

I'm usually not a big fan of throwing my name around, but when I have to, I use it to my advantage, and this was one of those rare occasions. They've set up several tables, full of rings, in their backroom, and all I have to do is choose.     

We're met at the front door, by an older man, named Henry, who immediately leads us through the store, and into the backroom. Even I'm a little surprised at the spread they have set up for me.     

"Mr. Timberlake, we hope everything is to your liking. If you need anything, let us know."  Henry smiles, then steps out of the backroom, leaving Trace and I completely alone.     

"Ya know...you're making me feel really shitty for ordering Lauren's ring online." He chuckles as he studies one of the tables carefully. "I wanted to go all Sweet Home Alabama and let her pick her own, but there's no way I could afford to shut this place down."    

"Dude, I can't even afford that." I chuckle as I follow him around the room.     

We browse several of the tables, and nothing seems to really jump out at me, which I'm praying isn't some kind of sign. This has to work.     

When I got off the phone with her last night, it just hit me. I can't even explain it. It was like, I started thinking about everything. Her. Charlie. Lauren and Trace. The tour.     

Everything around us is changing, and I think we both need some stability, and I honestly believe, the only place we're going to find it, is in each other. I probably should have done all of this years ago. I wish that I would have seen her, five years ago, the way I see her now.     

I finally reach the last table, and right there in front of me....is the ring. It's simple, and elegant and so completely Ally.     

It's a three stone ring, a round cut diamond in the center, with two round cut sapphire's on either side, and silver band.     

It's....it's perfect.    

"Trace...look at this." I hold the ring up, and his eyes widen a bit, before he smiles.    

"Dude...that's....wow."    

"I know." I grin, and stare at it for a few minutes. Ally is going to flip when she's sees this. "Get that guy in here. This is the one."    

Trace steps out of the room, and returns a minute later, with Henry on his heels.     

"Have we made our selection, Mr. Timberlake?"    

"Yeah..we have." I smile as I hand the ring off to him. He looks it over quickly, then glances back up at me.     

"We carry a matching wedding band for this, would you like to go ahead and purchase that today as well?"        

I ask to see the band, and he quickly ducks behind the counter, then produces a perfectly matching wedding band. It has the same round cut diamonds and sapphires all the way around. I place the two of them together and look over at Trace.     

"What'd ya think?"    

"I think I'm gonna have to kick your ass for having better taste than me." He laughs and rolls his eyes.     

"You, kick my ass? Right." I roll my eyes and turn back to Henry. "I'll take it."

********************************************************    

I have roughly two weeks to plan the perfect proposal, and right now...I have absolutely no idea what to do. I thought Trace would have some advice on the matter, but he put no planning into his, what so ever. He and Lauren had decided long before he actually asked, that they were going to get married. All he had to do was get the ring, and get down on one knee.     

I'm pretty much springing this on Ally, so it has to be perfect. It has to be the right moment, at the right place, and I have to come up with the right words. I mean...I don't want to go in with some over rehearsed speech or anything, but I'd like to have a vague idea of what I want to say. Telling her that I love her, is a given, but for now...that's all I got.    

'I love you, will you marry me?', isn't much of a proposal.    

"I really don't know why you're stressing yourself out about it." Trace says suddenly. "You know she'll say yes, so just wait till the time comes, and say whatever's on your mind."    

I roll my eyes and stare down at the blank piece of paper in front of me. "It's not that easy. I'm gonna be too damn nervous to think straight."    

He shrugs and begins to bounce a tennis ball against the wall in my hotel room. "You can write songs...but you can't write a proposal. There's something seriously wrong with that picture."    

"One doesn't have anything to do with the other, dip shit."    

Unless of course, I wrote her a song, but even I'm not that corny.     

I guess I was expecting this to be easy, like all the perfect words would just come to me, but I'm quickly realizing, it just doesn't work that way. This is going to take some meticulous planning and all I can do is hope that I come up with something before I go back home. If I go back with no clue about what the hell I'm doing, I might lose my nerve. And there's really no telling when I'd have the courage to try it again.     

My phone rings loudly and I reach for it before Trace can even move. Lately, he's gotten into playing this game of keep away with my phone and it pisses me off beyond belief. I mean...I know he's bored and totally miserable without Lauren around, but I don't see how annoying the shit out of me makes up for it.     

"Afternoon, Justin." Johnny Wright's voice booms in my ear, and I wince a little. This can't be good.    

Maybe I should have let Trace get my phone this time, after all.    

"Hey Johnny...what's up?"     

He lets out a long sigh, and I know I'm in for a lecture, like I'm a little kid or something. I can't explain it, but Johnny is so easy to read. I can always tell when he's about to go off on me, or when he has good news. And right now...he's definitely pissed.         

"PR just got an interesting phone call." He says simply and I roll my eyes.    

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know what this is about. I was kind of waiting for this call, and that is exactly why I already know what to say. I don't usually like to lie, but in order to keep the element of surprise in my plans for Ally, I had to figure something out.     

All I can say, is thank God for Trace and that evil brain of his.     

"Just tell them it was for Trace. They'll buy it."    

"Oh it's not that easy Justin...see, they want a comment on your engagement, not Trace's. Which was kind of funny to me...seeing as how you aren't engaged."    

"Not yet." I mutter, but Johnny hears it, clear as day.    

"Justin, have you lost your damn mind?"
    

"Man, Johnny...come on..."
    

"Look, as a friend, I'm happy for you. Ally's a great girl and she keeps your stupid ass in line. But, as your manager...I don't think this is such a good idea. Do you really want the press digging into Ally's life? We've gotten really lucky so far, and they've left her alone, but once this gets out...trust me, it won't last long."    

"It's not going to happen. Just tell them Trace needed to pick something up, and it's just a misunderstanding."    

"Justin...you can't run around doing whatever the hell you want. The album's out...the tour's starting soon, and you're not 15 anymore, with four other people to back up your bullshit. And you know I don't like having this nonsense fall in my lap. Before you actually ask her, I want to know about it." He slams the phone down, and it's all I can do to not laugh.    

He really is over reacting, but I can kind of understand that he doesn't want to hear about this kind of stuff from the tabloids. I probably should have called him to begin with, but sometimes...I get tired of living my life according to what everyone else wants.     

If I want to propose to my girlfriend, then I'll do it, and nobody's going to stop me.

***********************************************************   

Trace steps off of the plane, and I'm practically pushing him down the walkway. The guy is never in a rush to get anywhere or do anything, but today...I'm in no mood to wait on him.  You'd think he'd be chomping at the bit to see Lauren, but his stroll is so slow and relaxed, it's like he couldn't care less about when he gets out into the airport.    

We finally reach the end of the walkway, and my smile falls when I look around, and see no sign of my girlfriend, anywhere.    

Lauren grins at us, then pounces on Trace. Those two really can be disgusting sometimes.  I clear my throat, and they both turn to glare at me.     

"Where the hell is Ally?"    

"Working...but, she got your message about dinner. She said she'll meet you there at seven. She's stuck on a shoot." Lauren shrugs. "She said she's really sorry."    

"It's all good." I force the best smile I can, and sit down to wait for security.     

"Alright...who are you, and what have you done with the paranoid, jealous Justin we all know and love?" Lauren sits down, and eyes me suspiciously.     

"And exactly what is that supposed to mean?"    

"Oh come on...normally, any mention of Al and work, and you turn into the incredible hulk and start freaking out about Charlie." She rolls her eyes and laughs before turning to Trace. "You're being awfully quiet."    

He shrugs and looks away quickly. I should have known there'd be no way to keep something from her. She's so damn nosy, and has this sixth sense when it comes to secrecy. She always knows, and it's fucking creepy.    

I rifle through my backpack and with a quick look around to make sure no one's watching us, I produce a small, distinct blue box. Lauren's eyes widen as I open it, showing off the diamond and sapphire engagement ring I bought, a little over two weeks ago. She smiles bigger than I think I've ever seen, and her hand flies to her mouth.    

"Aww...J...I'm flattered, really...but I'm already taken." She wiggles her ring in my face with a laugh.    

"Funny." I roll my eyes, then snap the box shut and quickly stuff it back in my bag.     

Hopefully nobody saw that. Having pictures of the ring splashed across the Internet, a few hours before I actually propose, would be about the worst thing that could happen.     

It took awhile, but I finally figured out exactly how I'm going to do this. It's nothing over the top or anything, but I know Ally will love it, and that's all that matters.  It's all for her, and as long as it makes her happy, that's all I need.    

"So, I guess that's what the big dinner tonight, is for?" Lauren asks, the same huge smile still in place.     

"Yep."    

"Aww! Justin!" She squeals and throws her arms around my neck. "This is so perfect! I knew this would happen!"    

"Oh, you did not." Trace rolls his eyes and looks at me. "She still can't believe you guys are together."    

Lauren scoffs at him, then returns her attention to me. "Justin...seriously, this is amazing. I'm so happy for you." She hugs me again and I swear, it seems like she'll never stop smiling.     

I can't even begin to describe what a relief it is, to know that they're on board with this. I was more than a little worried about how they'd react, but so far, it's been nothing but good.     

Johnny, of course, is the exception. I know he's just looking out for my career, but I think it'll be fine. Celebrities get married or engaged all the time, and it has no affect on their careers.     

Although, I'm not too thrilled about the impact this could have on Ally. We haven't gone out of our way to hide our relationship or anything, but we aren't flaunting it either. The public knows we're together, and as far as I'm concerned, they don't need to know anything more than that, but I know an engagement will bring up more interest in us, as  a couple.    

The media will dig into every aspect of Ally's life, talk to anyone who's ever known her, find pictures of her as a child. They'll research her family, and anything she's ever done. Then, of course, they'll discover that she's working for the biggest music video producer in the world, and there's no telling what can of worms that could open.     

But, I know we'll get through it. We're going to make it through everything that's going on around us, and this engagement is just going to bring us closer together.     

Once I slip that ring on her finger, I know that everything is going to finally change for the better.

*******************************************    

I take my seat in the back of the restaurant and after a quick look around, realize is the place is damn near packed to the rafters. I tried to find the nicest, most out of the way place I could, but it doesn't look like I did so well on the out of the way part.     

Atleast, it's nice. Which, I'm sure will show when the check arrives.     

Ally called while I was on my way here to say she'd be running a few minutes late. Leaving the shoot she was on, took longer than expected, but it's alright. Tonight, I'm not going to worry about anything. I'm taking the woman I love, out for a kick ass dinner, and by the end of the night, we'll be engaged. Nothing can go wrong.     

Unless, she gets here and wants to hash out all of our little problems that seem to be snowballing into one giant mess. But, I know our engagement can fix it. Going through with this will turn it all around.    

A ring on her finger will completely deter Charlie. I seriously doubt, even he's sleazy enough to go after a chick who's engaged, so there's one problem eliminated.  He'll back off, and I won't have to worry.     

I know it won't change the fact that I'm on the road, but we'll be making wedding plans, and that's fairly time consuming. Pretty much all of my spare time will be spent on the phone with Ally, or flying home to help her. So that would take care of the distance, and the small communication problem we're developing.     

It also bridges some of the gap between the two of us, and Lauren and Trace. I was starting to think that with them getting married, it wouldn't be long before the four of us drift apart, but if Ally and I are headed in the same direction, it's just one more thing we'd have in common.     

I'm sure it sounds like I'm doing this to avoid change, or because I think it will mend everything, but that's just a bonus. My real reason for proposing is about as simple as it gets.     

I love Ally, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I don't have any other intentions, or ulterior motives. I just love her.    

I look up and see her following the hostess to our table, and I smile. She looks amazing. Her hair is pulled back, exposing every inch of that beautiful face. Her make up isn't as detailed as it normally is, when we go out, and I know that's my fault.    

She had to get ready at her office, and I'm sure that was no easy feat since the bathrooms in that joint are the size of a small closet.     

"Hey...sorry I'm late." She kisses my cheek before sliding into the chair across from me.     

"It's cool." I shrug. "How was work?"    

She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "A lighting fixture fell on a crew member...it wasn't pretty. But anyway..." She grins, then takes a sip of her water and grabs the menu. "I'm so glad you're back."    

"Yeah, me too. Laur said she found her wedding dress."    

Ally nods slowly, the bright smile never leaving her face. "Yeah. Now, it's just a matter of time. I wasn't at first...but I'm actually really excited about the wedding."    

We talk the entire way through our meal, about the wedding, different things she's doing at work, the tour, and some of the treatments Charlie's already received for my second video.    

Of all the things I love about our relationship, I think this is my favorite.  We can talk about damn near anything. Some of the most random conversations I've ever had, have been with Ally.     

It sounds stupid, but it's really cool for me to have someone to talk to about normal, everyday stuff. I could say anything to her, and I know she'd never think I sounded like an idiot, or didn't know what I was talking about. She'd see it as my opinion, and she'd respect it. I don't think I've ever known anyone who's done that for me.    

"So..." She trails off, and looks me dead in the eyes. "We've got a lot to talk about."    

"Yeah, we do." I smile and stick my hand in my pocket. "But there's something I need to do, before we get into all that."    

She rolls her eyes at me, and giggles. "Justin...if you have to piss, just go. Don't be so dramatic about it."    

"Cute. Anyway..." I slide my chair back from the table and give myself enough room to stand up. "So umm...I've been thinking a lot the past few weeks. About you, and me, and everything that's been happening. I know it hasn't all been great, but I think the good outweighs the bad, ya know?"    

She nods slowly, watching me curiously, and waits for me to continue.    

"And, when you think about it...we've had a lot of good, Al." I slide out of my chair and crouch down in front of her, on one knee. Her eyes widen to about ten times their normal size, and her smile disappears.    

"I know everything's changing, but the one thing I don't think ever will, is the fact that I love you. A part of me thinks I always have."    

"Justin...what are you doing?" There's a slight panic in her voice, and her eyes dart around the restaurant. She never saw this coming, so obviously, I did a damn good job of keeping it quiet.     

"I know we haven't been together very long, but honestly...that doesn't matter to me, Al." I pull the small box out of my pocket, and place it on her knee. "You're my best friend, and I can't begin to tell you what you mean to me."    

"Justin.." She whispers harshly.    

"So...Alexandra Lynn Lawson, I'm asking you to marry me." I smile and open the box slowly.  Her eyes settle on the ring and she stares at it, for what feels like hours.     

"Come on Al...don't leave me hanging here." I manage to get out a nervous chuckle, and her eyes finally rise to meet mine. All traces of her smile are gone, and I haven't got a clue what it means.    

"No."

"Whatever It Takes"-Lifehouse

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
You're finding things that you didn't know
The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight.
    

"What? Ally..." Justin stares at me, his mouth hanging wide open, a look of complete and utter confusion on his face. He's still kneeling in front of me, and that damn box still in his hand.     

"Justin...get up...please." I beg him, but he shakes his head angrily.    

"I'm not moving until you explain..."    

"I don't want to do this here." I stand up and grab my purse before hauling ass out to my car.    

I don't know what the hell to even think, much less, say to him right now. Has he lost every damn brain cell he's ever had? Maybe his past drug use was a little more extensive than I thought.     

I finally make it out to my car, and I can hear his quick, heavy footsteps behind me. He grabs me by the arm and whirls me around to face him.     

"Ally...what the hell?"     

I'm having a really hard time figuring him out right now. He's bouncing back and forth between hurt and angry so rapidly, it's impossible to keep up. Maybe I'm in shock...because I can't wrap my head around any of this. What on God's green earth, made him think now was the time to propose?    

"Look...let's talk about this." He pleads with me.    

"There isn't anything to talk about....are you out of your fucking mind?"    

"You're seriously pissed that I asked you to marry me?"    

"No...I'm not pissed. I'm confused as all hell, Justin. This doesn't make sense."    

He gives me a condescending look and rolls his eyes, like I'm some silly little girl who's just hassling him for the fun of it. Slapping him would definitely make me feel better, but I doubt it would help anything.    

"I love you. You love me. What doesn't make sense here?"    

"I want to know why, Justin. Why now?"    

He takes a deep breath, and his steel blue eyes settle on mine. "I know everything's fucked up...but this could fix it, Ally."    

"Fix it?!?" I laugh bitterly and roll my eyes. "How would us getting married fix the fact that you're going on tour? How does it fix the fact that you can't trust me around my boss? It doesn't fix anything!"    

"I trust you, Ally. I've told you that a million times."    

"And you can tell me a million more, but that still doesn't make it true."    

He lets out a long sigh, and shoves his hands in his pockets. He looks like a little boy, who was just scolded for eating cookies before dinner, and I can feel myself crumbling. Any minute now, the intensity of this whole thing is going to hit me, and the water works will start.    

I absolutely hate crying. My face always scrunches up into this awful grimace, and seems to stay red and blotchy for hours. It's not a pretty sight, but most of all, I hate the way it makes me feel. I know, people have always said there's nothing better than a good cry, but I think those people are full of shit.     

There's nothing enjoyable about that completely empty feeling you're left with once your tears dry up. Not to mention, the massive headache that normally sets in.     

"I just...I know this can fix everything, Al. It'll keep us together...Trace and Lauren won't ditch us for their married friends, and fucking Charlie will back off."    

Oh my God. He's unbelievable. His proposal has nothing to do with loving me. It's all about him, and what he wants. He's so terrified of change. He knows the life he's led for the last 25 years is fading away, and he's desperately trying to hold onto it. It's so incredibly selfish...and I just...I'm speechless. I never thought he'd stoop this low.    

"Justin...marriage isn't going to fix any of those things. Our biggest problem is that you don't trust me, and we can't get married if you don't trust me."    

"God damnit, Ally...how many times do I have...you know what? Fuck it. You're right. I don't trust you. And you want to know why? It's all that little shit you do behind my back. You didn't tell me when Lauren's replacement was starting. Any time your phone rings, you hide the screen, so I can't see who it is. Even though, I know damn good and well, it's Charlie."    

His face is getting redder by the second, and if I didn't know any better, I'd swear he was about to take a swing at me. I don't recall ever seeing him this angry, about anything, and it's a little scary. I always knew he had a temper...I just never expected to see it directed at me.    

"And honestly...he's our biggest problem. Do you have any idea how you fucking look at him?"     

As he stands here, screaming at me, I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes and it's a matter of seconds before they'll start to fall. Even though he's finally being honest, and confirming everything I already knew, it still hurts like hell. He's standing here, breaking my heart, and all I can do is watch.     

"I swear Ally, even I think you've got a thing for him. God only knows what other people think.  And don't you dare start thinking they can't see it, because if I see it...you better believe, they sure as hell do too."    

"This isn't solving anything, you know."     

"Maybe not...but I feel a hell of a lot better. You need to make a choice, Ally. Right here and now."    

"Justin, what are you talking about?"    

The tears are streaming down my face and I couldn't care less. I've always believed crying was a sign of weakness, but I want him to see, just how bad he's hurting me. Unfortunately, he's so hell bent on screaming like an idiot, and making himself out to be the victim, he hasn't even noticed.    

"It's me, or him, Ally. I can't do this anymore. I can't be second best to some other guy. I just can't."    

"Are you breaking up with me?"        

His expression softens, and I half expect him to take me in his arms, and swear he didn't mean any of it. Instead, he fishes that little blue box out of his pocket, once again, and holds it up.     

"Are you turning this down?"    

I swallow the lump in my throat and meet his steady gaze, head on. He's not going to charm me into doing what he wants, this time.     

For six months, I've bent over backwards to please him. I've turned into a person I can barely stand, because I thought it was what he needed. I've ignored his mood swings, and jealous tendencies. I looked past all of the negative and hurtful things he's said about Charlie, because I thought it would help him feel better and less insecure.     

But, I've had it.    

I can't do this anymore, and I sure as hell can't marry a man who doesn't trust me.    

"Yes, Justin. I'm turning down your proposal." I take a deep breath, and wait. I know exactly what he's going to say, but I don't think anything in this world can prepare me for actually hearing him say it.     

"Then yes, Ally...I'm breaking up with you." His voice cracks on the last four words.    

He turns away from me, and heads to his own car. Without a single look back, he climbs in, and tears out of the parking lot, leaving me completely alone, wondering exactly what the fuck just happened.

******************************************************   

I dial the all too familiar number for what feels like the millionth time in the last two hours, and get no answer, once again. I snap the phone shut and toss it into the passenger seat.     

I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I don't know where to go. I just...I don't know.     

Part of me thinks, any second now, I'm going to wake up and realize this is some stupid nightmare, and in reality...everything's perfectly fine.    

A time machine would definitely come in handy right now.     

Great...now I just sound like a psycho.     

I pull into the driveway and breathe a sigh of relief when I don't spot a single car. Lauren and Trace had made plans for the evening, and there's no telling where Justin could be. Honestly, I'm not sure I even want to know where he is.     

When he's angry, he gets irrational, and when he's irrational, all of his common sense goes out the window. It's been two hours since he left me, crying in that damn parking lot. For all I know, he could have hopped on a plane and is on his way back to Memphis right now. Which wouldn't really surprise me. I thought about booking a flight there myself.    

However, I have a job and commitments, and I can't just pick up my life and take off like I did five years ago.     

I quickly climb the stairs to my bedroom, and grab the first duffle bag I can find. What do you take with you, when you don't have anywhere to go?     

I grab the basics, bras, underwear, shampoo, toothpaste, toothbrush, hair brush, socks and shoes, then move to the closet. I grab as many pairs of dress pants and blouses for work as I can, then go back for my jeans and T-shirts.     

I jam it all into the duffle bag, and cringe at the thought of just how wrinkled my work clothes will be.     

The front door opens and slams shut, and I freeze. If there truly is a God, that won't be Justin, and I can get out of this damn house without incident.     

I don't really know why I felt the need to come back and get my stuff so soon. I know, I should sit here and wait for him to come home, so we can talk this out, but I want to be as far away from Justin Timberlake, as humanly possible.     

I hear two sets of footsteps and know that Justin's nowhere around. Although, I'm not sure I feel up to dealing with Lauren or Trace either. However, as luck would have it, my friends aren't the 'let sleeping dogs lie', type.     

My bedroom door opens slightly, and Trace sticks his head inside and gives me a curious look.    

"What are you doing here?"    

"Packing." I sniffle, and do my best to wipe the tears from my face.     

"Huh?" He steps into the room, and closes the door behind him. "Ally...are you crying?"    

"Of course not." I scoff at him, and move around the room, trying to collect the rest of my crucial belongings.     

"C'mon Al...don't lie to me."    

"I'm fine. Everything's fucking perfect, ok?"    

"You shot him down." He states, and folds his arms over his chest.     

"Yes, Trace...I shot him down. I'm the evil bitch from hell, who refused a marriage proposal from Justin Timberlake. Go grab your pitch fork and torches so you can burn me at the stake."    

"I'm not here to criticize...what happened?"    

I look over at him, and see nothing but concern on his face, which for Trace...is pretty strange. He's not an emotional guy, and usually avoids serious discussions, yet, here he is...checking up on me. If I wasn't so wrapped up in being pathetic, I'd tell him how proud I am, of him.         

"He did it for all the wrong reasons, Trace." I sigh and run my hands through my hair. "I don't know why, but he got this idea in his head that if he tied me down, suddenly, he wouldn't be going fucking nuts over Charlie...and you and Laur wouldn't move away...I don't know what the hell he's thinking."    

Trace lets out a long sigh, and shakes his head sadly. "This is my fault."    

"It's your fault that he's gone completely off his rocker?" I laugh and roll my eyes. "You can't bail him out of this, Trace. Don't even try."    

"No...it's my fault for letting him think it was a good idea. He was just so damn happy, Al. I couldn't look at him, and tell him I thought he was fucking up, royally. If I would have just...if I would have told him the truth..."    

"The truth doesn't really matter, Trace. He dumped me."    

"He dumped you?" He asks, his voice raising a few octaves.     

"Yeah...he dumped me. I came back to get some stuff...I think I'm going to stay in a hotel for a few days."    

"Where the hell is he?"    

"Couldn't tell ya." I shrug. "He left me at the restaurant...his phone's off. He could be lying in a ditch somewhere, dead, for all I know."    

"Ally...don't leave. Stay here, wait for him, and talk about this when he gets back."    

"No. I think we both need some time to chill out." I zip up my bag and throw it over my shoulder, before walking past Trace, and down the steps.    

I should have known the midget wouldn't give up so easily. He's right on my heels, as I head into the kitchen and grab a Coke. I know he's just trying to help, but right now...I need to get out of this house.    

"Look, just...be careful, alright? Don't do anything stupid, and if you need anything...give me a call, ok?"    

"Yeah...thanks." I give him a small smile and head for the front door. "Just...don't tell Lauren, ok? I kind of just want to be left alone tonight."    

"I get it." He nods slowly. "Like I said, just be careful, and call me. I'm sure this will all be straightened out in the morning."    

He hugs me tightly before I step out of the house, and as I make my way to my car, I can't help but think how wrong he is.     

I'm not sure this will ever get straightened out.

****************************************************   

It's been nearly an hour since I left the house, and I have yet to check into a hotel. I've passed dozens of them, but I can't actually bring myself to go in one. I guess, in the back of my mind, there's this hope that Justin will call, begging for forgiveness, and everything will return to normal. But, the realistic part of me knows, that isn't going to happen. Justin's too damn stubborn for his own good.     

 In a weird way, I don't think the events of the last few hours have fully hit me yet. Granted, I haven't stopped crying since I left that God forsaken parking lot, but none of the normal break up emotions have sunk in. I'm sure, in the morning everything will hit me full force, and God only knows how that will turn out.    

I pull into the lot of a vaguely familiar apartment complex, and park in the first open spot I see. I know, this is the absolute last place I should be, but I just didn't know where else to go. Sure..the hotel option is still there, but I just can't do that.    

I make my way up to the building and hurry inside. I take the stairs, instead of the elevator, in case I decide to turn and run the other way. This is probably going to be the most awkward thing I've ever done, so I definitely want an escape plan, should I choose to leave. Plus, it's going to take me a few minutes to build up the nerve.     

I finally reach the sixth floor, and take a deep breath as I exit the stairwell. I don't even really want to be here.    

I come to a halt in front of 52B, and knock, without hesitation. Hopefully, the person on the other side of this door, isn't asleep, or otherwise occupied. I can't explain it...but I have this strange need to be alone, and around someone at the same time.    

I swear...I'm losing my mind. I can't even make sense of my own damn thoughts.    

I hear footsteps on the other side, and brace myself. The door swings open, and I force the best smile I can muster, through my tears.    

"Ally...what's wrong?"    

I don't know why, but at the sight of him, I break down. I start sobbing, and if he wasn't there to catch me, I'd collapse into a heap on the floor. I really am a pathetic mess.    

He leads me inside and over to the couch, then sits down across from me, on the small coffee table. He keeps his eyes glued to the floor as I sit there and bawl like a four year old.    

I just...I don't understand how Justin could do this. What could possibly make him think that a rushed marriage, would be the answer to our problems? I had a million reasons for saying no. He couldn't have honestly believed I'd say yes...could he?    

I mean seriously...let's look at our situation. We've been friends since we were in diapers, and it's only been six months since we went beyond the boundaries of friendship. Who, other than crazy people, gets married after just six months?    

I love him with all my heart, but this is quite possibly the stupidest thing I've ever seen him do, and I've seen him do a lot of dumb shit.     

As stupid as it sounds, part of me kind of understands why he did it. He's so afraid of how much everything is changing, I don't blame him. I'm dreading the thought of Lauren and Trace moving. To a lot of people, it doesn't seem like a big deal, but the four of us have been together practically since birth, and losing those two, is like losing a piece of yourself.     

I completely understand how he feels. It's scary as hell, and nobody wants it to happen. But change is a part of life. It happens, you deal with it, and you move on.    

I finally get my tears, and my breathing under control, then look at the man across from me.    

"God...Charlie, I'm so sorry. You probably think I'm a total whack job."    

"Nah." He chuckles softly. "Not totally...about 40 percent maybe."    

I roll my eyes and crack a small smile. "Gee, thanks."    

"Honestly...I think something is seriously wrong...and you probably need to talk about it."    

I nod slowly, and before I know it, I'm telling him the entire story, even the parts about him, and he seems unfazed by all of it. He just sits quietly, and listens, as I play out the whole night, for him.     

Right down to a detailed description of that stupid ring.     

I guess one good thing did come of this...atleast the idiot picked out a gorgeous ring.     

"Ally...I...I wish I knew what to say...but I'm really no good when it comes to this stuff." He shrugs and looks at me blankly. "I mean...are you alright?"    

"I don't know." I mutter pathetically, and a whole new wave of tears start.     

"Well...it may not be much, but if you need somewhere to stay for awhile, my couch is all yours."        

"No...I couldn't do that." I shake my head. "I'll get a room at a hotel, really...it's not a big deal."    

"Well...my offer's on the table whenever you need it."        

"Thanks."    

"So...have you talked to him or anything? Maybe you just needed some time to cool off."    

I shrug lamely, and start to pick at my fingernails. "Talking to Justin...never works. He's hard headed, and egotistical...and just...it's impossible to reason with him. And of course...he's never wrong. Nothing is ever his fault. He's perfect, and he's always the victim." I roll my eyes and snort. "Sometimes, I really can't stand him."    

"No offense or anything, Al....but why stay with him?"    

I smile sadly, and shrug. "Because...as stupid as he can be, and as much as he pisses me off...he's perfect for me. Even if I don't like him all the time, I do love him. We just...we aren't ready to get married...he has to know that."    

Charlie listens to me vent my frustrations, watches me cry, tries to give me advice, and before I know it...it's almost dawn.    

I finally leave Charlie's, and head for the first hotel I see. I check in, drag myself to my room, and practically fall into bed.     

It's not an uncomfortable bed, but it's not Justin's. It just doesn't feel right.  As exhausted as I am, and as achy as I feel...I doubt I'll get much sleep.      

I stare up at the ceiling, and like a blow to the head...it hits me.     

Justin and I, are over.     

I know, that sounds so stupid, like I didn't realize it was over when he said it, but for some reason...that feeling of finality has settled in my head, and it brings on a whole new set of emotions, and once again...I can't control my sobs.     

I don't know where he is, what he's doing, or thinking, but one thing is for sure...he can't possibly feel half as bad as I do, right now.

****************************************************  

"You look like shit." Trace observes as he takes a sip of his coffee.    

I slide my sunglasses off, and narrow my eyes at him. "I've spent two days straight in bed, what'd you expect?"    

"Honestly? I expected you two to go running back to each other after about an hour."    

"Yeah well...that didn't happen, now did it?"    

"Ya know...he's not doing so great either, Al."     

"Trace..." I sigh and rub my forehead.     

"I know...you don't want to hear about it...but you can't ignore this forever. You can't live in a fucking hotel room for the rest of your life."    

"Why not? Plenty of people live in hotels."    

"Ally...stop being a stubborn bitch, and just listen, alright?"    

I nod slowly and wait for him to continue. I'm sure he's convinced that he'll be able to talk me into going to see Justin, and straightening this out, but laying in bed, alone, for two days, has given me a lot of time to think.    

I've come to the conclusion that I didn't really do anything wrong. I may have hurt him by refusing his proposal, but I swear, that wasn't my intention. I would never do anything to deliberately hurt him, in any way, shape, or form.     

I almost wish I could have said yes. Part of me knows, that we could spend the rest of our lives together, and be insanely happen. Just...not yet.    

If we got married now, I guarantee there would be a divorce within two years.     

I think you have to know someone inside and out, before you can commit yourself to them for the rest of your life, and right now...Justin and I are still learning about each other. Even though we've known each other all our lives, we're still really new to the whole couple thing, and there's a lot we still don't know about each other.     

"Lauren's really worried...about both of you. You won't answer her calls, Justin won't talk to anybody. I get that you turned him down...but why did he break up with you? Why won't you come back to the house? What the hell happened, Al?"    

"Well...you'll have to ask him why he broke up with me, because honestly...I don't know. I can't go home....I just can't. If I have to see him, Trace...I don't know what the hell I'll do...I'm barely keeping it together here. He broke my fucking heart and...I just can't face him. I just want this whole thing to go away."    

"Well, that's not going to happen unless you talk to him."    

I know he's right. Even if I don't want to admit it, I know he's right. Justin and I desperately need to talk, but my pride won't let me go to that house, or dial his number, no matter how badly I want to.     

Even if our relationship is over...I want to save our friendship, but I don't know where to even start. We swore, that no matter how, when or why this ended, we'd come out as friends.    

It's almost kind of funny. In a way, this whole thing between Justin and I, has come full circle. Our relationship takes a turn, and suddenly...I'm worrying about whether or not, I'll lose my best friend.     

"He's a mess, Al. He won't eat...he won't sleep...he won't even talk to his fucking mom."    

"What am I supposed to do about it? In case you forgot, he ditched me, Trace."    

He rolls his eyes at me, and shakes his head. "So I've heard. Me and Laur want you to come see him. Even if you guys don't want to be together, I'm not letting you just walk away from 25 years of friendship. Fix this shit, Ally. Or I will."     

He slides out of his chair, and stalks down the street. He finally disappears into the crowd, and once again, I'm alone, trying to figure out when the hell my life got so complicated.

"It Ends Tonight"-All American Rejects

She laid her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
You always had to be right but now you've lost
The only thing that ever made you feel alive

You stupid boy    

It's been two weeks, three days, eight hours, and 42 minutes since I did quite possibly the dumbest fucking thing, I could have ever done.     

I broke up with Ally.     

And I know, I'm a complete fucking moron for it.     

Honestly, I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I guess, maybe I was just so hurt that she shot me down. I was so sure that proposing would work, and that she'd say yes. I really should have sat down, and looked at it from every angle. Maybe then, I would have seen what a huge mistake I was making.     

I know, hindsight is 20-20, but I really wish someone would have stopped me.     

Lauren still thinks I made the right decision, but Trace...well, he isn't saying much about anything lately, so I have no fucking idea what he thinks. Him and Laur have been at each other's throats the last couple weeks, so I can only assume that either, the stress of the wedding is hitting them, or they disagree about something.    

I don't want to think they'd start fighting because of Ally and I, but it sure as hell seems like a distinct possibility right now.     

I know I was the one who ended it, but this is killing me. I just...I can't function without her here. Nothing feels right anymore.     

I should have listened to her. I was pushing too much, and she was trying so hard to tell me, but I thought I knew better. I thought I'd come up with a solution to everything, when in reality...I just created a whole new set of problems for us, and I'm not so sure there's any way to fix them.     

Granted, it's not like I'm trying, either. Not once, have I tried to call her. I haven't asked Trace to say anything to her. He thinks I don't know, but I do. I know he's seen her numerous times during the last two weeks. But, I'll let him keep pretending. I don't need to start a bunch of shit with him now.     

I guess, I kind of expected her to be home when I came back that night. I went out to the beach, and sat there for hours, that night. Just sat there, like some pathetic ass loser. I don't even really remember thinking about anything...I just sat there.    

But, I really thought she'd be here. I thought I'd come home, we'd talk, and clear things up. Never, in a million years, did I think I'd come home and find that she'd packed her shit, and took off.     

I don't know where she went, or where she's been for two weeks, but I'd bet she's at Charlie's. And no, I'm not saying that because I'm a jealous, paranoid freak. She wouldn't have had anywhere else to go, so either she's there, at a hotel, or sleeping in her office.     

I really hate knowing that I drove her out of her home. But, I understand why she left. I was probably the last person she would have wanted to see, so I don't really blame her.    

I just...I wish she'd come home.     

I know...a phone call, or something...would change the fact that she isn't here, but every time I try to call, I can't go through with it. I don't think I could handle it, if she shot me down a second time.     

Call me a chicken shit, but it's true.  If I called, and she refused to talk to me, or see me...I'd lose it.     

I guess it's kind of stupid, but I just keep wondering what we're going to do about the wedding, now. I mean...what if this is permanent? What if she never comes back?    

I know, no matter how she feels about me, she'll be at the wedding. She'd never turn her back on Lauren and Trace. I just...we're the best man and maid of honor...there's the rehearsal dinner...the ceremony...the reception.    

How am I supposed to celebrate, when she'll be there, hating me? How am I supposed to walk down the aisle with her, knowing that she doesn't want to be anywhere around me?     

How the fuck am I supposed to get through the rest of my life, without her?    

I had everything I wanted, and I blew it. I let fear, and my own stupid insecurities take over, and I completely ruined the best thing in my life.     

I guess...I was just so scared that one day she'd realize, she didn't need me, or that she could do better. I think maybe, proposing, was my way of keeping her. She's always said the first time she gets married, will be the last, and I can't stand the thought of her with anyone else.     

I can't predict what's going to happen...I can't even really guess. But, I'm praying this will get turned around. I need to swallow my pride, and do the right thing.    

But, God...please...let her take me back. 

**************************************************************    

"So, the wedding is a month and a half away...I'm thinking we can do the bachelor and bachelorette parties the week before?" Lauren looks between Trace and I, a pen and paper in her hand.    

"I don't see why not. We aren't doing anything major though. A bunch of us are just hanging out here." Trace shrugs and looks over at me. "That's still the plan, right?"    

"Yeah man, whatever you want." I force a smile and it actually makes my face hurt.    

Lauren and Trace finally forced me to stop being a pathetic piece of shit, and I'm slowly but surely stepping back into reality.  I'm beginning to accept the possibility that Ally may not ever come back, and as much as it tears me apart...I'm going to have to live with it. I don't have anyone to blame but myself.    

"Who do you have coming?"    

"Jace, Joe, my brother...uhh....fuck...I don't know, Lauren. Why does it matter?" Trace rolls his eyes and huffs.    

"So you can send them gifts, you idiot."    

"You only do that for the groomsmen, Laur." I say quietly, even though I know, I should probably just keep my mouth shut.    

"Yeah, and that's already taken care of. I got that shit a month ago." Trace rolls his eyes again, and leans back in his seat. "Stick to picking out flowers and shit, and let me handle my own stuff."    

"Oh that's a great idea. Since you're the expert." She gets up and stomps up the stairs, without another word.    

Trace lets out a relieved sigh, and chuckles. "Dude...you better fix this shit with Ally. Cause if you don't, that girl won't live to see her wedding day."    

"Me and Ally don't have anything to do with Lauren turning into the wedding nazi."    

"Oh yes you do." His head jerks toward me, and I have to fight to keep from laughing at him.    

I don't know why, but Trace, trying to be serious, is one of the funniest things in the world. Always has been.    

"She's lost her damn mind, man. She really needs Ally's help this next month, and since Al's awol, Lauren is freaking the fuck out. So, it gets taken out on me. Plus, she's convinced you said something stupid, and that's why Ally really said no. She's honest to God, mad at you because Al turned you down."    

"Oh that totally makes sense. Tell her to get a life."    

"Hell no. Are you crazy? I don't want to piss that off. It's bad enough as it is. She just needs Ally back here."    

"So, call her." I say bitterly, and shrug.  A look of defeat washes over his face, and he hangs his head.     

"I kinda figured you knew. I'm sorry man...but I wasn't going to let her go through this alone. She needed somebody."    

"I get it. It's cool." I nod, and he cracks a small smile. "How is she, anyway?"    

He lets out a loud sigh and shakes his head sadly. "It ain't pretty, man. Most days, she can't even get out of bed. Charlie made her take a leave of absence until she can straighten herself out."
    

"So, he's moving right on in there, huh?" I laugh bitterly and shake my head.     

I so saw this coming. I knew as soon as I was out of the picture, he'd make his move. Slimy bastard. What kind of guy goes after a chick, who's on the rebound? I mean seriously, if you're looking for an actual relationship, that's the worst possible thing you could do.    

But then again...who says he wants a relationship? For all I know, he could want one thing from her, and if that's what he's looking for...a girl on the rebound is the perfect way to go.     

He's going to get in her pants, I just know it.    

"Justin...you better get over that shit real quick. I invited him to the bachelor party."    

My eyes widen slightly, and I could so strangle him right now. What the hell is he thinking? What possessed him to invite Charlie, of all people? I bet Ally told him to do it, just to spite me.     

Or, if Lauren's mad at me, like he says, it could have been her. Nobody ever suspects it, but she can be one evil bitch sometimes.     

Or, Trace is just a short ass traitor, and that's all there is to it.    

"He's cool. So get over it."     

"Yeah...the guy banging my ex-girlfriend is real cool."    

"Dude...you're fucking nuts." He shakes his head and laughs. "If you honestly believe Ally is already sleeping with someone else, number one...you need your head examined, and number two...that means you never knew her at all." He gets up and leaves the room, shaking his head and laughing to himself, the whole way.     

I really want to believe him, but I just can't. Deep down, I know Charlie would be better suited for Ally, than I ever could be. And, maybe that's why I was always so worried about the time she spent with him.     

Deep down, I know he's a decent guy, and would probably treat her like a fucking princess. He'd have the time to be with her. He could take her out and do things I never could. He's better looking than I am, too.    

I think that's the worst part. I know he isn't the womanizing bastard, I like to think he is, and I know, Ally's going to see that.    

She's going to realize that Charlie, is all of the things I could never be.     

And, when she does finally see it, there's no way I'll ever have another chance with her.  

******************************************************************
    

I don't know how Trace talked me into this. I know...I need to do something, but I'm not so sure this is the right way to go.     

Then again, I thought proposing was a good idea, and we all know how that turned out.    

I just...I almost feel like I'm invading her privacy or something. She came here to escape me, and all my bullshit. Me, showing up here unannounced, is like disrespecting her need for space.     

The elevator finally comes to a halt, and I follow Trace down the hall. I can feel the knots getting tighter in my stomach with each step, and I honest to God, think I'm going to throw up.    

I'm so damn nervous, my hands are shaking.    

Trace stops abruptly in front of me, and I almost run into him.     

"Dude...what the hell?"   

He turns to look at me, worry written all over his face. "That's her room." He points, and I look to my right, expecting to be met with a closed door.     

Instead, it's standing wide open, and there's a maid inside, cleaning every visible surface. We step inside, and she whirls around to face us.    

"Can I help you, boys?"    

"We're actually here to see the person staying in this room."     

"I'm sorry hun, but this room is empty. Whoever was staying here must have checked out." She smiles, then turns back to her cleaning.     

"We'll check with the front desk." Trace mutters, and we quickly make our way back downstairs.     

I'm not going to get my hopes up. Just because she left this hotel, doesn't necessarily mean she went back home. She could be anywhere, for all I know.     

Trace heads to the front desk, and I keep my distance. If anyone's going to tell me she's gone, I'd much rather hear it from him.         

He returns a few minutes later, his mouth set into a deep frown. "She checked out, and they have no clue where she went."    

As much as I hate to say it, I have a funny feeling I know where she could be, and it's probably the last place I'd want to find her.     

I wish I could say I'm surprised. I guess, I should have known that all my bitching and complaining the last several months, would have just pushed her toward him even more.    

I really am a fucking moron.     

If I would have just listened to her, and trusted her...everything would still be fine. If I would have accepted the fact that things are changing, and dealt with it, like an adult, she'd still be here.     

I don't know what the hell I was thinking...proposing was a huge mistake. I think, in the back of my mind...I knew it,all along. But, I guess...I was just so set on the idea that would help.     

I should have seen, by the look on her face, that she didn't want it.     

"Well...now where to?" Trace asks as we climb back into his car. "Maybe she went back to the house?"    

"She's not at the house, Trace."     

"You don't know that."    

"Yeah, I do." I sigh and roll my eyes. "Do you know where Charlie lives?"    

"Oh come on, Justin...you can't be fucking serious."    

"She's there. I know she is."    

"Fine, I'll take you over there...but if we don't see her car, we're not going in. I'm not having you go in there like an idiot, and start a bunch of shit." He turns the key in the ignition and pulls out of the hotel parking lot.    

I know she's there. She has to be.

**********************************************************    

"But, does he listen to me? Oh hell no. I specifically told him that if we didn't see her car, we weren't going in. I drove around that damn parking lot for 10 minutes looking for her car, and even though it wasn't there, his stupid ass still had to go in. Thank God, Charlie wasn't there." Trace rolls his eyes and shoots me a disgusted look. "Get a fucking grip man."    

"Dude...I guarantee you, if she's not staying there, he knows where she is. I wasn't going to start anything...I just wanted to talk to him."    

"Yeah, and we all know how well you talk to people."    

"Trace...shut up." Lauren says suddenly. "He's trying, ok? And if you're going to bitch about every little move he makes, maybe you need to stay out of this."    

"J...I'm not trying to be a dick...I'm being honest. Letting you think you were fixing things, didn't work before, so I'm sorry...but I think you need to hear the truth." He smiles, but I know he'd love nothing more than to strangle me.    

Honestly, I can't blame him. I can be pretty aggravating.    

All three of us jerk our heads toward the font door, at the sound of keys turning in the lock. Only one other person has a key to this house.    

The door opens and closes slowly, and I can hear footsteps in the hallway. Finally, she appears in the doorway, and glares at me. I definitely wasn't expecting this, and I'm sure my jaw is about ready to hit the floor.    

"Ma?"
    

"Justin Randall...I want to know why that girl is back in Memphis, and I want to know right now." My mother stares at me angrily, and folds her arms over her chest.     

Oh shit.

"Stupid Boy"-Keith Urban

"She's in fucking Memphis?"     

"Trace Ayala...you better watch that mouth, there are ladies present." My mother shoots Trace a warning glance, then turns back to me. "Well, Justin? I'm waiting."    

"I don't know Momma." I shrug. "I haven't talked to her in a few weeks."    

"So, it's true?" She asks wearily and takes a seat next to me on the couch.    

Lauren and Trace suddenly disappear, but my Mom doesn't seem to notice, or really even care, for that matter. Obviously she's here for one reason, and nothing's going to stop her from having a major bitch fest at my expense.     

"Depends on what you heard, I guess." I wince as she rolls her eyes and rests her head in her hands.    

See, this is the biggest problem with small towns. Too much damn gossip. I'm half way across the country, but they still know my every move. Even the really stupid ones.    

The funniest thing though, if the media approached anyone in that town, for dirt on me, they'd damn near defend me to the death. When it comes to outsiders, they're overly protective, but they'd have no problem telling the local barber all of my dirty little secrets.     

"Just...please tell me you didn't propose."    

"I've never lied to you, Momma. I'm not about to start now."    

"Oh, Justin....baby, what the hell were you thinking?"     

"So you think it was a bad idea too? Great." I smile sarcastically.     

"Of course I do! Who honestly thought it was a good idea?"
    

"Me...Trace...Lauren." I shrug lamely as she rolls her eyes and chuckles.    

"Well...Trace doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground, and Lord knows, Lauren's about as goofy as the day is long. I love em both like they were my own, but they ain't the sharpest tools in the shed. You oughta know that by now."    

I can't help but laugh at her. As much as she's traveled the world with me, she's never lost one bit of her country edge. Her accent is still as thick as it ever was, and she's still convinced that no one has any common sense.    

Which, in this case, she's actually right.     

"We've been having some problems, Ma. I thought it would fix it."    

She rolls her eyes again, and shakes her head. "So, it was bad to begin with...and you thought marriage would fix it? I did not raise you to be this stupid, Justin."    

"I know, but..."
    

"Just listen, ok?" She cuts me off, and I simply nod.    

I know better than to interrupt my Momma, so I'll keep my mouth shut. I may be a grown man, but she's not afraid to bust my ass, if she needs to. Life is much easier and a lot less painful, when you just cooperate with her.     

"You have to constantly work at a marriage, Justin. It takes everything you have to keep it on track, and you definitely don't have to the time to do that, right now. If you can't keep a simple relationship together, there's no way you could handle a marriage."
    

"I know, Momma. I just...I don't know. It seemed like a good idea. Ally has this boss, and..."    

"Say no more." She smiles sympathetically and pats my knee. "Let me guess, this boss is some young, good looking guy, and you're convinced he's going to steal her away, right?" I nod slowly as she chuckles. "Justin, you've got to learn to trust people, and let fate run it's course. If it's not meant to work out, then it won't. But don't you dare, walk away without atleast trying first.  If you ran your career the way you run your love life, you'd still be in Memphis, working at Lawson construction, and thinking about what you could have had."    

Ok, so my Mom could be a motivational speaker. But, as inspirational as her little speech may have been, it's not exactly helping. A lot of things need to be taken into consideration before I can go chasing after Ally.     

Number one, I need to figure out if she even wants me back. She could have already moved on, and found someone else, for all I know.    

I don't want to go back to her, on my hands and knees, begging for forgiveness, only to find that she's had enough of me and my bullshit.    

Plus, I've got my own issues that need to be dealt with.    

I need to learn to trust her, and I know that. Honestly, part of me does completely trust her, but the other part can't stop thinking about the shit other women have put me through.    

I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself, or gain sympathy from anyone, but a lot of girls have dicked me over.  I've been cheated on. I've had women use me to further their careers. I've been used for money, publicity and numerous other things. I could seriously go on for days here.    

I know it comes along with the territory, but it still sucks, and it still fucking hurts, no matter who you are.     

I know it's not an excuse for the things I've said and done, and I know Ally would never do any of those things, but I've had my guard up for a really long time, so it's hard to let it down so suddenly.    

Maybe the biggest problem, is that we didn't stick to taking things slowly.     

At first...we did. We stopped sleeping together, and we were so careful about how we acted toward each other, but once we told everyone we were together, it all changed.    

We dove into this thing head first, and suddenly, it was more serious than either of us ever intended. I was getting jealous. She was getting irritated, and it was all downhill from there.     

I'm not placing the blame solely on her, but I don't think I'm the only one who made mistakes. We both ran our relationship into the ground, and it's going to take both of us to fix it.     

But first, I have to know that she's willing to try.    

Of course, how am I going to know if I don't try talking to her? I can't be held totally responsible for our lack of contact. For three and a half weeks, I've had no fucking clue where she was, and when I finally find out where she is, and try to go after her...I get there, and find out she's disappeared again.     

Our problems aren't going to be fixed over the phone. It has to be done in person, and I refuse to try doing it any other way.     

"Justin...the smart thing to do here, would be go after her. Make the big romantic gesture. Let her know that you know you were wrong."     

Momma gives me an encouraging smile, and I nod slowly, before grabbing the phone and booking a seat on the first flight I can get.

********************************************************    

"She's staying at Jack's." Lauren grins as she strolls into the kitchen. "He's on vacation. Apparently, the sitter bailed at the last minute, so he called Al to see if she'd stay with J.J."    

"She actually talked to you?"    

"Well..no. I called my sister."    

"Why am I not surprised?" Trace rolls his eyes and snorts. "I bet she knows exactly what Al was wearing when she showed up, too. Nosey ass woman."    

"Hey...if Leigh wasn't so nosey, we wouldn't know where Ally is, now would we?" She smirks as Trace lets out a grunt.    

I glance at the clock and realize, I have roughly five hours until I need to be at the airport. I know, this is what I need to do, but for some reason, it doesn't totally feel right. Maybe it's just nerves, or something.     

I really don't even know what I'm going to say to her. How do you tell someone, you know you were wrong, but you don't feel like it's completely your fault?    

I think my biggest fear right now, is telling her how I feel, and having her get pissed off. I know she's going to have questions, but what if my answers aren't good enough?    

What if, I get up there and realize, maybe we just aren't supposed to be together?        

I've had my mind clouded by good sex before. I've thought one night stands could turn into something real...what if that's all this was? What if, we forced ourselves into believing we loved each other?    

I really need to just stop thinking about this so much. I just keep running around in circles, and end up beyond confused. I can't come up with any solutions, and I can't make sense of anything.     

I don't understand why, one minute...I'm dead set on getting her back, and the next...I don't know what I want. There's way too much back and forth going on in my head.     

I know my Mom came here to straighten me out, but if anything, she just put more pressure on me. Plus, she made me feel like a complete moron. I think she gets some type of sick pleasure out of making me look like a jackass.    

In a way, I'm glad she showed up. I think I needed someone to lay it all out there and be nothing but honest with me, and she did just that.    

My Momma's never been afraid to speak her mind, especially when it comes to me.     

But, for the first time in my life, her advice didn't magically clear everything up.    

"When you get there, can you do me a favor?"     

"Lauren...I'm not going to see either one of your crazy ass sisters. Lucy always tries to molest me." I shudder at the thought of Lauren's older sister.     

She's a nice girl and all, but she's just a little too friendly, if you catch my drift, and her goofy ass husband never seems to notice, or care.     

Two Christmases ago, she got completely shit faced at our big Timberlake-Lawson-Parker-Ayala bash, and spent the entire evening finding various ways to grab my ass. Even when I would catch her red handed, she acted like she hadn't even seen me standing next to her. She creeps me the fuck out.    

"Very funny." She rolls her eyes and smiles sarcastically at me. "Just...Tell Ally, I'm not mad at her."    

"Oh, that's right...because you're just mad at me."    

I swear, I meant it as a joke, but as Lauren's nostrils flare out, and her eyes widen, I realize, she doesn't think it's as funny as I do.     

Really, it didn't bother me that she got mad about my failed proposal. I'm kind of used to her siding with Ally, so it came as no surprise that she'd think the whole thing was my fault.     

She turns to Trace, narrowing her eyes at him. "You told him?"    

Trace chuckles and gives her an indifferent shrug. "Yeah. It was funny."    

"I was not mad!"    

As soon as the two of them start to bicker, I take that as my cue, and leave to go pack.    

It doesn't take me long to throw a bunch of neccessities into a bag, and before I know it, I'm standing in the airport with Trace, waiting for my boarding call.         

"You didn't have to come down here, ya know. Just go back home, man. Laur needs you there to finalize all the wedding shit."    

"Nah, it's cool." He shrugs.    

And, that's when it hits me. Ally and I are being so incredibly selfish.     

The two of us, and all of our drama is completely overshadowing the fact that Lauren and Trace are getting married in a little over three weeks.     

The four of us should be together, celebrating, and instead...everyone's on edge, fighting, and it's mine and Ally's fault.     

Lauren and Trace can barely stand to be around each other anymore, because they can't agree on whether Ally or I, were right or wrong.    

Suddenly, it all seems so stupid.    

"I can't do this." I say suddenly, and I can't hardly believe the words are coming out of my mouth. It doesn't even sound like my voice.    

"You're just nervous, man. Don't worry about it. You'll go back there, sweep her off her feet, and everything will be cool."     

"No...I just...I can't do this. And how can you stand there and not want to knock me the fuck out? We're ruining your wedding."        

He laughs at me, and shakes his head. "J...don't be such a girl. This doesn't have anything to do with the wedding."    

"Yes, it does. All this bullshit has you and Lauren fighting...Lauren is so upset that Al won't talk to her...it's all so fucking stupid."    

"We're fighting because we're stressed out. We just want to get married and get it over with, it's not about you guys...trust me. Just get on the plane, and bring Ally back."        

I shake my head, and glance out the window. The plane is right there, and people are lining up to board, but I just can't bring myself to get in that line.     

"You've already got your ticket, man. Just go." He says impatiently, and all I can do is stare at that plane. "You know, your Mom's gonna kick your ass if you don't go."    

"I can't do it."    

"Fine, then I will." He snatches the ticket out of my hands, and stalks toward the line, leaving me there, with my mouth hanging open.

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these eyes

        

"Aunt Al! Spin!" I pick my nephew up and cradle him in my arms, then I spin the two of us in circles as quickly as I can.     

For the last few days, this four year old boy has been the only thing keeping me sane. When Jack called and asked me to come stay with Jack Jr. for a week, I practically jumped at the opportunity.     

Charlie forced me into taking a leave of absence, and at first...I wasn't too happy about it. I was doing my best to not let my break up affect my ability to do my job, but I just couldn't focus. I couldn't keep Justin off of my mind, and no matter how hard I tried...it just wouldn't go away.    

So, I did as Charlie asked, and quickly became even more pathetic than I already was. Half the time, I couldn't even bring myself to get out of bed, much less eat or shower. I just kept feeling sorry for myself, and I was starting to think I'd never pull myself out of it. But, when Jack called...I saw that as my chance.    

So, I cleaned myself up, checked out of the hotel, and caught the first flight out of L.A.         

I probably should have called Lauren or Trace, but I just didn't want to. It's been kind of nice to be able to just disappear.     

Unfortunately, when Jack and Andrea come back from vacation, I'll have to go back home. Charlie said I was more than welcome to stay with him, so until I can find a place of my own, I think I'm going to take him up on that offer.     

I feel really awful for abandoning Lauren and Trace. It's not their fault Justin has completely lost his damn mind.     

With the wedding a few weeks away, Lauren really needs me, and I'm major screwing her over. Hell... for all I know, she may have found a new maid of honor by now. I should probably atleast call her and apologize. Hopefully, she'll forgive me.    

I never planned on coming back to Memphis, but I'm so glad I did. Watching J.J. has been a great distraction, and even though the kid is completely insane...I feel more relaxed than I have in a long time.     

I still can't believe it's been almost a month since Justin ended things. I never imagined I would ever go three and a half weeks without seeing or speaking to him.     

But then again, I never saw us as a couple either, so it goes to show what I know.    

"J.J ..it's getting dark." I call to him from my spot on the deck. He runs toward me, giggling the whole way.    

"Somebody's here!" He whispers mischievously.     

I roll my eyes and giggle at him. "Nobody's here Jack... Come on, it's bath time."

"I saw them aunt Al!"    

"Alright...I'll go see them while you get ready for your bath, ok?" He nods, satisfied with my answer, and I follow him into the house.     

I can only assume he said he saw someone here, to avoid his bath, which he's famous for. I don't think I'll ever understand little boys and their desire to stay dirty.    

As silly as he is, J.J is a pretty good kid. He listens about 90 percent of the time, and is incredible at cleaning up after himself. My big brother did an excellent job with this kid.   Not to mention the fact, he's about as adorable as it gets, so telling him no, is virtually impossible.    

I make my way up the steps and quickly fill the tub, leaving enough water for him to play around in, but keep it low enough to keep him from hurting himself. I set up the baby monitor once he's in, and head into the guest room.         

My phone starts to ring as soon as I walk in, and I grab it, making sure to check the caller I.D.     

I'm not too surprised to see Trace's name on the screen.         

"Hello."    

"Hey...wanna come let me in?" He chuckles. "I've been out on this porch for like, 20 minutes."    

"You're here?" Looks like Jack wasn't kidding when he said he saw someone.     

"Yeah, duh."    

"I'm upstairs. The back door's open."    

"Be up in a few."    

He hangs up, and all I can do is stand here, with my mouth hanging open.  I wasn't exactly trying to hide or anything, but how the hell did he figure out where I was? Better yet, why is he here?    

He should be at home, gearing up for all the wedding craziness.     

Unless, of course, this is yet another attempt at getting me to talk to Justin.     

I get why he's doing it, but I just wish he'd drop it, and let things take their natural course. Not once, has Justin tried to contact me, so obviously, he doesn't want to talk.    

Why should I?    

Why should I put myself out there, and risk being hurt, when he's not willing to do the same? I'm not the one who chose to end our relationship, why should I be the one to try and fix it?    

For the first time in my life, I'm not going to be the one cleaning up Justin's mess.     

I finally hear Trace enter the room, and turn to face him. The baby monitor and my cell phone hit the floor with a loud thud, and I can't form a single coherent thought.    

That little bastard.     

I know he was desperately trying to mend things between Justin and I, but never in a million years, did I expect him to flat out lie to me.     

Part of me is madder than hell, but the mushy, girly side can't help but chuckle as he awkwardly shifts his weight from one foot to another.    

"Hey, Al." He gives me a strained smile, and shoves his hands in his pockets.     

Unfortunately, the mushy, girly part of me, is taking a step back, and my anger is slowly starting to take over.     

"What are you doing here?"    

"I...uhh...well...I...I think a better question is, what are you doing here?" He finally stutters out and I give him a blank look.    

"I'm watching J.J." Like that wasn't already obvious.     

He nods slowly, and there's no way to ignore the awkwardness, or the tension that's suddenly filled this room.     

All I can think, is that Trace and I need to have a serious talk about the definition of confidentiality. The things I've told him the last few weeks, were meant to stay between the two of us, and obviously...they didn't.     

I guarantee Justin is here, because Trace pushed him into it.     

"So, umm...can we talk?"    

"What do you want to talk about, Justin? The fact that you dumped me for no apparent reason, Or, how about we discuss what the fuck possessed you to propose to me? Oh! I know...let's talk about how you think I'm screwing my boss."    

"Look...you have every right to be mad..." He sighs and takes a step toward me.     

"You're God damn right I do."     

"Ally...come on...don't be like that..."    

"Don't be like what? Don't be hurt? Don't be angry? What do you want from me, Justin? Did you think you'd hunt me down, and because you finally decided you wanted to talk, that I'd be ok with that? It's still all about you, isn't it?"    

He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.     

I didn't notice it at first, but he looks...tired. The circles around his eyes are darker than I've ever seen. His eyes are usually this amazing, bright blue, full of life...and just...incredible, but now...they just seem dull.     

Normally, he looks so put together, but now...I can't even really explain it. He just seems...lost.     

As bitchy as it sounds...I'm glad he looks like shit. I'm glad he's hurting and miserable.     

"Look...I know I fucked up, alright? I've had to hear about it day in and day out from everybody around me."    

"Oh, and I should feel bad for you, is that it?"    

If he came here looking for sympathy, he can turn around and walk right out that door, as far as I'm concerned. The more I've thought about everything, the more I've realized that he's in the wrong. Not me.     

I wasn't the one who couldn't handle new people entering our lives. I wasn't the one freaking out about his upcoming tour.     

Sure, I had trouble dealing with him being gone so much, but not once, did I take it out on him.    

What all of this boils down to, is his self centeredness.     

It's like, he wanted me completely to himself. I wouldn't say he wanted to control me...but I think he wanted to control certain aspects of my life. He wanted me at his beck and call, 24 hours a day, but I can't be that girl.     

I can't let a relationship run my life. Maybe I'm too independent for my own good, but I just can't bring myself to be a nothing, for a man.     

I want to be able to do things for myself. I want to know that I can be on my own, if need be. I don't want to depend on someone else to make me happy, and I shouldn't have to.    

"Ally...I came here to try to straighten this out...I don't want to fight with you."     

He looks so defeated, and I can't help but feel bad. I guess, I should be glad he's here. Atleast he's trying, but I'm not going to make it easy for him. He has to know that he can't go through life like this. The rest of the world may bend over backwards for him, but I'm done. I let what I wanted, and how I felt, take a back seat to him and all of his bullshit.    

"I need to get J.J. out of the tub. Go downstairs, I'll be down in a few." I walk past him, without a glance, and head into the bathroom.     

I get J.J. out of the tub, and into bed as quickly as possible. I expected a lot of protesting, but he did as I asked, without fussing, and I couldn't be more grateful. The last thing I need to deal with right now, is a screaming four year old.     

I need to calm down, and just talk to him. Maybe, he's had time to think over the last few weeks, and genuinely wants to make it right.    

I'd be a damn liar if I said I didn't want him back, but I'm just not sure the timing is right. The next month is going to be pure chaos, with Thanksgiving, the wedding, Christmas, New Years, the tour....and I'm not sure we'll be able to hash all of this nonsense out, before he's gone again.    

I don't want him to leave, while we're on bad terms. If anything...I'd like for us to atleast be civil for Lauren and Trace's sake. I refuse to let mine and Justin's issues ruin their wedding.    

Lauren has spent months planning this thing, and if it's not absolutely perfect, I'd never forgive myself. I won't be responsible for her not enjoying what's supposed to be the best day of her life.     

I finally make my way down the steps, and Justin's seated on the couch, his head in his hands.     

I do love him, there's no denying that. I just...I don't understand him anymore.     

For the life of me, I can't figure out why he's been acting the way he has. He should know me well enough by now, to know that Charlie wasn't even an afterthought. He should know that he was quickly becoming my priority. He should know that all I needed, was for him to love me. He should have known we were nowhere near ready for marriage, or babies, or any of the things people were trying to force on us.     

He should have known...but he doesn't, and I don't know how to make him understand.     

I plop down into a chair, across the room, and he looks up at me, never meeting my eyes. I can tell, just by the look on his face, that he doesn't have the slightest idea why he came here, or what he's going to say.    

Honestly...the worst part about all of this, is that it's destroyed our friendship, and I never wanted that. I wanted to keep my best friend, even if I couldn't keep my boyfriend. And maybe, that's my fault.     

I set all these boundaries for us, as a couple. We were supposed to take it slow. We were supposed to always be friends, first.  I thought I had it all figured out. That if I made the rules, he'd follow and everything would go according to the plan I'd come up with.    

But, I was the one who screwed that up. I fell for him, harder and faster than I could have ever imagined, and I ignored my own plans.     

He may have demolished our relationship, but I'm the one who let our friendship fall apart.     

He lets out a heavy sigh, and his eyes finally meet mine. As stupid as it sounds, I almost forgot how it feels to have him look me in the eyes. When we were together, even if we were fighting, all he had to do was look at me...and I forgot everything. It was like we'd never been arguing. My breath would catch in my throat, and the only thing I could think about, was how he made me feel.    

But now...it's different. I don't feel that sudden rush of adrenaline. I don't feel like I'm the most important thing in the world.     

"Look...I'm sorry I just showed up like this. I guess, I should have called or something. I was just so fuckin scared, Al. I just...I keep thinking about all this shit and..."
    

"I don't care about that...I wasn't hiding."    

"Just hear me out, ok?" He takes a deep breath and I nod slowly.  He fidgets around in his seat for a few minutes, then finally sits still and glues his eyes to the floor.    

"I know I made a lot of mistakes. I never said I didn't. But, I don't think it's all just me. You knew how much that Charlie shit bugged me, and as many times as we talked about it...it never stopped. He just kept coming up more and more, and I couldn't take it. I know, I should have trusted you...but you know how hard that is for me. I'm not blaming you. But, you should have understood."    

"I should have understood?" I laugh bitterly and roll my eyes. "Justin...I did nothing but understand! I kept my mouth shut so many times. I thought, if you bitched about it enough, you'd get it out of your system, and get over it. Like it or not...Charlie's my friend, as well as my boss. He's not going anywhere, and you need to accept that. I let you say horrible things about him, because I thought it'd make you feel better. Don't you dare tell me I didn't understand."    

"Ally...I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry I can't ignore that shit...I'm sorry I can't be the guy you want me to be.."    

I know what he's doing, and it's not going to happen. He wants me to take some of the blame, so that it's not all on his shoulders, but I can't do that. I'm not guilty here, and he needs to see that. He isn't going to make me feel like the bad guy.    

"Justin...I know I might have hurt you by refusing your proposal, but other than that...I don't know what you think I did. I didn't expect you to be anything.  I mean...I'm sorry I couldn't say yes...but you had to see that coming."    

He chuckles softly and shakes his head. "No...I actually thought you'd say yes. I thought it would push Charlie away...I thought it would keep you focused on me. I really believed it'd work, and now, I know it was a mistake. I think...I was just so jealous of Lauren and Trace. They've got this whole plan for their lives and they're so happy...and I just...I wanted that, too."    

"Justin...we were fine. Maybe, there were a few issues...but I thought we were perfectly ok...you just...the way you acted about Charlie...and proposing...that's what messed us up."    

"Ya know...we can talk about this all we want, but it's not solving anything."    

"You're right. It's not." I nod in agreement.    

I'm actually really proud of him for coming to that conclusion. Normally, I'm the one rationalizing everything, so it's kind of nice to let someone else do the thinking for a change.    

"We need to make a decision, Al. If we want to be together...then we need to figure out how to work through all of this shit. But, if there's no way back from this, or we just flat out don't want to be together, then we need to go back to being friends."    

"I can't decide something like that on a time limit, Justin." I sigh and shake my head.    

"What do you want, Al? Tell me what you want, and I'll do it. I just...I want you to come back home."    

"Let's just...let's get through the end of the year. Once all of the wedding stuff has died down, we can get through the holidays, and the first few weeks of the tour...we'll see what happens. It'll give us both some time to think, and figure out what we want."    

"I can live with that." He nods slowly, then gives me a small smile. "Friends?" He stands up, and stretches his hand out toward me.    

I shake his hand, and smile. "Friends."    

Once again, I've set the boundaries for us, but hopefully, this time around, I can stick to them.

***********************************************************    

I roll over, for what feels like the millionth time, and glance at the clock. It's quickly approaching three a.m. and I can't sleep. I've tossed and turned all damn night.    

I tried to completely clear my mind...I tried drinking warm milk...hell, I even tried counting sheep, but nothing seems to be working.     

I just...I can't sleep knowing that he's so close, and not laying next to me.     

I know...I decided that we'd wait and see what happens...but damnit...I miss him.     

I miss the way he'd curl up to my side. I miss waking up and seeing his face everyday. I miss the way he'd tell me he loved me before he fell asleep.    

I miss all of those little, stupid couple things. I know, it's my fault...I decided we needed to try being friends for awhile.     

The last time I went downstairs, he was passed out on the couch, and I seriously considered waking him up, just so that I wouldn't be the only one not getting any damn sleep.     

Letting him stay here, probably wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done, but I wasn't going to make him drive all the way across town, to a hotel.     

Now that I've had time to think about it...I'm kind of glad he showed up, and we somewhat talked this out.    

Atleast now, we can be friends, even if it sucks.     

I know it won't be anything like it was before we got together, but atleast he's not completely walking out of my life. I can't live without him...whether we're together, or just friends. I need him. It's as simple as that.     

The door to the guest room opens slowly, and I can just barely make Justin out, in the darkness. He quietly walks over to the bed, and looks down at me.    

"You awake?"    

"Yeah, why?"    

"I don't mean anything by this...but can I stay in here?"    

"Justin...what the hell?"    

"That couch sucks, Al."    

"So? Go stay in Jack's room."    

"No way...that's fucking weird, Ally."    

Hate to say it, but he's right. I could never bring myself to sleep in the bed my nephew was conceived in, and I sure as hell ain't sleeping on that couch.     

Besides, I've slept in a bed with him, God knows how many times, over the course of my life. It's really not a big deal.    

"Fine. Get in." I roll my eyes and move to the edge of the bed.     

He pulls the covers back, and quickly climbs in next to me. He makes it a point to keep a safe distance between us, but it isn't long before, he's fast asleep and inching toward me, each time he moves.    

He's always been a restless sleeper. He can never wake up in the spot he fell asleep in. There's even been several occasions that he's ended up with his feet against the headboard. How he does it, is beyond me, but it is pretty amusing.     

He rolls over again, and this time, his arms slide around my waist, and he pulls me against him. It takes all I have to try and wriggle myself free, but he seems to have a death grip on my hips.    

I can't help but wonder, if he's actually awake and trying to see just how much he can get away with.     

When his lips make contact with my collarbone, I know I'm right.     

I feel him smile against my skin, and I try to push him away, once again. His mouth begins to slowly move up my neck, and the force behind my shoves lessens, until finally...I'm not pushing him away, at all.     

His lips finally come to rest against mine, and before I know it, we're full on making out, and his hands are everywhere.    

Seriously, why do I even bother trying to play by the rules, when it comes to him? For some reason, I can never hold my ground around him.     

He just...it's like he's got this power over me, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.     

The sensible part of me knows that I should push him away, kick him out of this room, and stick to my guns. But, suddenly...I'm back in the exact same situation, I was in nearly seven months ago, and no matter how hard I try, I can't bring myself to do it.    

In one swift movement, he's got my shorts pulled down my legs, and he's hovering over me. It sounds so stupid, but it's like this is all instinct....I swear, we're meant to be together, why are we fighting this?    

He finally removes his pajama bottoms, and breaks our contact. He stares down at me, with the smallest smile on his face, and for once...I haven't got any idea what he's thinking.     

As horrible as it sounds...when he finally slides inside of me, the only thing I can think, is that I am, by far, the worlds worst baby sitter.     

I know, we can't do this again. And, if I was smart, I'd stop this, right here and now, but...I just...I can't do it.     

I love him. Plain and simple. I love him. And, all of the problems and arguments and other bullshit doesn't change that fact.     

Maybe...maybe we should just put everything behind us, and start over.

***************************************************************** 

I wake up, expecting to roll over and rest on Justin, but instead...I end up with my face in a cold pillow.  My eyes shoot open, and after a quick look around the room, I see that the clothes that had been scattered all over the floor, are picked up, and set in the laundry basket in the corner. His small suitcase is gone, and I'm completely alone.    

My phone beeps loudly, signaling that I have an unread text message. As quickly as I can, I flip the phone open, and my eyes scan over the message.    

"Sorry...early flight. Call me when you're coming home. We'll hang out."    

That's it? He comes here, tries to patch things up, sleeps with me, and all I get is a lousy text message? What the fuck?    

I should have known.     

I should have known, that he's still the no good, womanizing bastard he's always been. He didn't come here to apologize. He didn't come here to win me back. He didn't come here to fix a God damn thing.    

He came here to get laid.     

I was so stupid to think that maybe, after last night...we could start over.     

I was right the first time. We can't go back to what we were, and after this...I seriously doubt we can even keep our friendship intact.     

But, I'm not falling apart this time. I'm going to put on a brave face, and I'm going to show him that I'm not buying the charming, wonderful Justin act.     

I'm not going to sit here, cry, and be pathetic. He broke my heart once, and I'm not letting him do it again. I've sat back and kept my mouth shut, letting him do what he wants, for far too long.    

I'm not getting mad. I'm getting even.    

I dial the first number that comes to mind, and smile when he finally picks up.     

"Charlie...it's Ally. I'm coming home in a few days, and I think we should get together."

"Behind These Hazel Eyes"-Kelly Clarkson

Yeah...I changed some of the words. lol.

Do you think, everything, everyone, is going mental,
It seems to me that it's spiraling outta control and it's inevitable,
It seems to me, we're on all fours,
Crawling on our knees,
Someone help us please
Oh well I guess I musn't grumble,
I suppose that's just the way the cookie crumbles

Oh yes, I'm fine,
Everything's just wonderful

Three weeks.     

I'm getting married in three weeks, and even though the flowers have been ordered, I've picked out the cake, written my vows, my dress is just waiting for me to step into it, and I've made every arrangement imaginable, I still feel like there's a million things left to do.    

The families and our friends will be flying out, in two weeks for the bridal shower, Trace's bachelor party, and the rehearsal dinner. That's when the real insanity is going to begin.     

I'm beyond excited, but my nerves are starting to kick in.     

I'm trying as hard as I can, to keep from going into bridezilla mode, but it's getting more and more difficult as times goes on.     

I've been planning my dream wedding, practically since birth. Honestly, I think every little girl does. I grew up dreaming that someday, some wonderful man would sweep me off my feet, we'd have the big fairytale wedding, and live happily ever after.     

In my own weird little way...I got just that.     

I never really saw myself being with Trace. But now...I can't imagine ever being with anyone else.     

Even when I finally realized how I felt about him, I never thought he'd want me.     

Trace, is a typical guy. He and Justin were a little too fond of the Hollywood lifestyle. Parties every night. Drugs. Alcohol. Women. You name it, they more than likely did it.    

Then suddenly, Trace just lost interest. He stopped going out, he stopped dating. He walked away from the life that he and Justin seemed so caught up in.     

And then, it was like it all just fell into place. He asked me on a date, and the rest is history.     

I just wish things would have gone as easily for Justin and Ally.     

I like to think I'm a good person. I try to treat everyone with respect, I give money to homeless people on the street, even though I know I probably shouldn't, I've volunteered in animal shelters, and I....I just...I want people to think of me as being one of the nicest people they've ever met.     

I adore my friends...I really do, but lately...I'd love nothing more than to strangle the life out of Justin and Ally.     

Justin is...well...Justin's never been a normal guy. We all know that, and we still love him, despite his mood swings, and craziness. We even ignore the ego when it pops up.    

But lately...he's just...I don't even know what you'd call it.     

I completely supported his decision to propose to Ally. I honestly believed she would have said yes.  She just seemed so in love, and it's common knowledge that Justin is quite the charmer. Call me naive, but I didn't see how it could go wrong.    

I know it might sound selfish, but my issue with Justin's proposal, was his timing.     

I'm not saying the world should revolve around me because I'm the bride to be, but lately...I've felt like nobody is too concerned about the wedding. Trace included.     

Everyone is so wrapped up in Justin's jealousy and Ally's disappearing act. I mean...it started before all of that, really...it's been downhill since they got together.     

Don't get me wrong...I was probably their biggest cheerleader. I was thrilled at the thought of the two of them as a couple.     

But once they made their big announcement, suddenly...all anybody wanted to talk about, was Justin and Ally. How they got together, how everyone knew it was destined to happen. Everyone was so excited about it.     

But, as the excitement over Justin and Ally and their relationship grew, the excitement over my wedding died down.    

For a long time, it didn't bother me. At that point, the wedding was still several months away, so I was more than happy to celebrate the fact that two people, who have always belonged together, finally realized it.    

But now...well...it's just not fair.     

I know they're having their problems, and Lord knows, I wish they could fix them, and go back to being the adorable couple they were, I just...I wish we could put it all aside for awhile and get through the next few weeks.    

I'm sure I sound like a complete whiny brat, but I swear...it's not that. I just...I've got a lot going on, I'm stressed out to the max and well...I need to vent somehow.     

I guess it's my own fault that I've let it build up so much. I didn't want to upset anyone, and I'm sure jumping up and down, screaming about my wedding, would have done just that.    

It's just kinda tough to sit back and smile, when even your own Mother, is more worried about your two best friends and their drama, than your wedding.     

It's crazy, but it's true.     

My mommy called this morning, and all she could talk about was how Justin showed up in Memphis, supposedly to fix everything with Ally.     

Little does she know, her future son-in-law, is right there with him.     

I completely understand why Trace wanted to go with Justin. If Ally shot him down again, there's no telling what kind of mess Justin would be, and someone needed to be there with him.     

I get it. I really do.     

I want Ally back here, just as much as Justin does. She's my best friend, and maid of honor...how could I not want her here?    

I know...I should probably be mad at her, but I can't.  I know she's got to be hurting beyond belief, and I wish she'd let me help her, but she's pushed everyone away.    

I just figure, when she's ready, she'll come to me.     

My sister, Leighanne, says she's just in Memphis for a week to watch J.J, and then she's coming home, and for the love of all things holy...I hope that's true.     

There are five people I absolutely need at my wedding, and Ally's one of them.    

And no, it's not just because she's the maid of honor...she's like my sister...she just...I can't get married without her there to back me up.     

There for awhile, she really had me worried. I actually had nightmares that she might not ever come home, and I refused to marry Trace, until she did.     

The front door opens and Trace and Justin enter the house, tossing their bags down by the steps. Trace strolls over to me, a huge grin planted on his face. He gives me a quick kiss, then throws himself onto the couch beside me.    

"How'd it go?"    

"Really good." Justin smiles. Even I can admit that it's really nice to see that look on his face again. He's done nothing but mope around for a month, but it looks like the old Justin, is finally coming back to us.    

"So...you're back together?"
    

"Well....no. Not yet, anyway. We're going to wait it out for awhile, and see what happens. But, I think after the tour stars, we will be. For now...we're just friends."    

"Aww...Justin...that's awesome." I can't help but smile at him. He's just so...happy.    

Even though I've been a little irritated that the wedding's been put on the back burner, I'm ecstatic that things seem to be going back to normal. Once Ally comes home, I'm sure we'll all be just fine.    

"Yeah...so, from here on out...it's all about the wedding. No more drama." He nods seriously, and I can feel my smile growing.    

See...even they drive me crazy...my friends still manage to be the most amazing people in the world, and no matter what...I wouldn't trade them for anything.

********************************************************    

"Trace, slow down!" I screech as he weaves in and out of traffic.     

I don't care what he says, he is not teaching our future children how to drive. I won't have my babies cruising the streets like they're in the Indy 500.     

"Laur...I'm on the freeway. It's ok." He says with a grin.    

We reach the airport in record time, thanks to speed racer, and as we reach Ally's gate, I can feel a knot building up in my stomach. I really don't know why I'm so nervous about seeing her.     

I guess, I just feel kind of weird that we haven't talked in so long. I've had Ally at my side, my entire life. Maybe, I'm just not used to her being so distant.    

When she and Justin broke up, I really expected her to come to me. Even when they had a minor argument, the two of us would get together, drink way too much red wine, and talk about how men were put on this earth, just to annoy women.     

It was just so weird to see her leaning on Trace, instead of me.     

Trace has never been the type to get into emotional things. He doesn't like to talk about feelings, and very rarely lets anyone know when he's upset about something. I was actually kind of shocked that he got himself so involved in this Justin and Ally thing.     

Normally, he avoids getting into other people's business...he's a great listener, but I've never seen him jump in and try to solve other people's problems like that.    

He said he was just tired of seeing Justin miserable, and didn't want to lose his best friends. Which I completely understand. If I would have had the time to devote to it...I would have been right there with him, pushing those two back together.     

But, I can't help wondering, if his involvement means something else.    

I know it's pretty common for people to get cold feet before they get married, and I think that might be what's happening here.     

I think he just needed to focus on something else for awhile, and Justin and Ally provided the perfect distraction. At this point, those two are about as dysfunctional as it gets.         

Honestly, if I wasn't so busy with putting all of this together, I'd probably be scared out of my mind, but I barely have the time to breathe, much less worry about my fear.     

I mean, really...marriage is a pretty terrifying thing when you think about. You're committing yourself to one person for the rest of your life. In a way, you're giving that person a part of yourself that you'd never give to anyone else.     

Vulnerability is probably the scariest thing in the world.    

Luckily, I've had my sisters around to assure me, that it's all perfectly normal, and everything will be fine.    

Ally finally enters the airport, and practically runs for us. She tackles me in a hug, and I almost want to cry. I really, really missed her.     

"Laur...I'm so sorry."    

"It's fine, Al. You're back now...and that's all that matters." She smiles brightly, then turns to Trace.    

"You....I am going to kick your ass, you little shit." She slugs him in the arm, and winces in pain as he rubs the sore spot. "Out on the porch, my ass."    

"He made me do it. Besides...obviously, it worked."    

Suddenly, her expression changes, and her smile seems much more forced than it did a second ago.        

"Yeah...worked like a charm. Anyway..I'll grab my bag, then we can go. Cool?" She heads off toward baggage claim, and Trace turns to me with a satisfied smirk.    

"See, baby? I fixed it. Told you, I'm the shit." He struts off after her, and I follow behind.    

Something tells me, there's a lot going on that no one but Justin and Ally know about.    

And frankly, it has me a little worried.

*********************************************    

When I was little, Thanksgiving was my favorite holiday. Something about the chill in the air, and the way the leaves changed colors just...I don't know, it always seemed really special to me. Of course, I haven't had one of those real Thanksgivings for several years.    

When the four of us moved to L.A, we worked out that we'd fly our parents out for Thanksgiving, and we'd make the trip back to Memphis for Christmas. I really miss Thanksgiving at home, though.    

All four families crowded into one house, the guys watching football, the girls in the kitchen. It was great. In my opinion, it was the absolute best way to spend the holiday.     

But now...my Thanksgivings seem so....fake.     

Our parents come out for a couple days, we're all running around in shorts and T-shirts, rushing through dinner. The trees are still as green as they ever were, and there isn't a single trace of that fall scent.     

It may seem silly to some, but Thanksgiving is actually one of my main reasons for wanting to move back home.    

When Trace and I have kids, I want them to grow up the way we did. I want them to feel the comfort of a small town. I want them around their grandparents as much as possible, and I want them to see the weather change.     

I know it's crazy...but I even miss the snow. I miss the cold, the ice...all of it.     

I really can't wait to move back. California just isn't me. Everything is way too fast paced, too crowded and just too complicated.     

Thank God, Trace wanted to move back too, because I'm not sure how much longer I can stand this place. I'm glad my friends like it...but it's just not me.     

My phone rings, and I reach for it, after wiping mashed potatoes off my hands. Ally informs me that our parents are boarding their flight as we speak, and they'll be arriving in a few hours.     

I've gotten most of the cooking done for tomorrow, so it'll just be a matter of re-heating everything and getting everyone together.     

"Anyway, I'm leaving work in a few....umm...do we need anything? We've got plenty of food, right?"    

"Are you kidding? There's enough food to feed an army." I giggle and shake my head. "What are you so worried about?"    

"Oh...umm...nothing. See ya in a bit." She hangs up before I can respond, and I just know she's got something up her sleeve.     

I wish I could say things around our house have returned to normal, but I'm not a liar.     

Granted, everyone seems to be getting along, and Justin is happier than he's been in quite some time, but Ally is just...different.     

I expected Justin and Ally to have a hard time adjusting to just being friends again and Justin does seem to have some trouble with it. He's so awkward around her, and it's cute, in a weird way. It's so easy to see that he doesn't know exactly what to say or do around her.    

Which, with the way she's been acting, I can't really blame him. She's been overly nice to him, and it's just...strange.     

Ally has always spoke her mind. She's never held anything back, but lately...you can almost see everything building up inside of her, and I'm fairly certain that she's going to explode any moment, and it will all be directed at Justin.    

I never got any details about what happened in Memphis. According to Justin, everything went fine. But, Ally...well...she seems a little less optimistic.         

She'll say they talked, and they're friends now...but the look in her eyes is a dead give away.  When she looks at Justin, there's nothing but disgust there.     

But, I'm not going to pry. Whatever happened there, is between the two of them, and that's where it will stay.    

Besides, I'm not about to stir up their nonsense two weeks before my wedding.    

I'm not that crazy.

*********************************************    

"Oh come on! You call that pass interference? Pull your head out of your ass!" Trace screams at the TV, along with Justin and our fathers.     

I will never understand men and football. I don't think I really want to.     

It's nearing 5:30, and the plan is to sit down to dinner at six. I've been in this kitchen all day, and I'm more than ready to collapse at the table, and stuff my face.     

It may sound a little mean, but I'm kind of glad Ally went to work today. She's a terrible cook, and I want my last Thanksgiving in this house to be perfect.     

I'd have to kill her if she burnt the turkey or something.     

My mother, Lynn, Ann and Kathy, Trace's mother, each help me set the table and lay out our feast, and before I know it, we're all seated at the table, but one chair is still empty.     

She swore she'd be here by six, and if she doesn't show up soon...I may have to wring her neck.     

Finally, when we're half way through our pre-dinner prayer, she bursts into the house, dropping several bags on the floor.     

"I'm here...I'm here...I'm here." She runs into the dining room, her heels clicking on the tiled floor the whole way.     

"And where were you?" Justin eyes her suspiciously.     

Her now, normal, fake smile appears and she turns to Justin. "Oh...you know that Charlie...he just loves to work me over."     

She smirks at him and arches an eyebrow. Justin scrunches his nose up and turns to whisper something to Trace.    

Clearly, they aren't going to put aside their childishness, so we can get through this dinner in peace.     

"Anyway...speaking of Charlie." Ally clears her throat, and smiles. "His family is actually out of town, and he was planning on spending Thanksgiving holed up in his apartment, alone. So, I invited him here. Is that alright?"    

I can feel my eyes widen, and Trace and Justin both jerk their heads in her direction. Trace looks like he's trying to contain his laughter, and Justin looks downright furious.     

"Of course, sweetheart. The more the merrier." Dave, Ally's father, grins at her. "I'd like to meet the man who has my little girl slaving away all the time."    

"Good. He's outside. I'll be right back." She smiles sweetly, but when her eyes rest on Justin, her expression seems much more wicked.     

As much as I love Ally, I can't believe she's doing this. She's just asking to start a fight, and even though Justin has been pretty stupid when it comes to her, I feel awful for him.    

It's a well known fact that Charlie is a very sore subject for him, and Ally is just rubbing salt in the wound.     

After several moments, Ally re-enters the dining room, Charlie on her heels. She grabs an extra chair, and places it between her seat, and Justin's. She quickly introduces Charlie around the table, and immediately...everyone seems to love him.    

He's funny and charming, and I can see my own Mother swooning each time he looks at her.         

Overall, dinner goes fairly well, minus Justin's pouting. He didn't say a word all through the meal, and sat with his jaw clenched, his eyes never leaving his plate, the entire time.     

Ally, of course, turned into miss social butterfly, talking about the millions of things she and Charlie do together.    

If I didn't know any better, I'd really believe she likes him. She touches him any chance she gets, laughs as loudly as she can at his jokes, whispers to him when she thinks no one's looking.    

Unfortunately, I know what's going on.     

I don't know what Justin did or said, but it's obvious, Ally's pissed, and she's done being nice.     

I just hope Charlie's smart enough to see through her act.

************************************************    

Once the football is over, the turkey's gone, and our parents have returned to their hotels, I finally get to sit and relax. Trace brings me a glass of wine, and curls up next to me on the couch. This is exactly why I'm marrying this man, he takes such good care of me.    

"You were amazing today. Everything was great." He smiles, then kisses me slowly. To this day, my knees get weak every time he does that. I can't even explain it.    

I just figure, that's exactly how it should feel when the person you're meant to be with kisses you.     

"So, where's Al and Justin?"    

"Well...." Before I can explain, Justin slowly saunters down the steps, a bottle of jack in his hand.     

He enters the living room, takes one look at Trace and I, then erupts into a fit of laughter. 

I guess it just wouldn't be Thanksgiving unless atleast one of us got falling down drunk.     

It's happened every year, as far back as I can remember. Back home, we would sneak off into the woods behind Ally's house, with beer that we'd stolen from one of our Dads. We'd set up a ten, and spend the whole night drinking, imagining we were much drunker than we really were.     

I guess it's our weird little tradition.    

Justin plops down in the middle of the floor, and looks up at us, a goofy grin on his face. "Man...you guys...y'all  are so lucky."    

Trace chuckles softly and rolls his eyes. "Yeah, man. You're drunk."    

Justin laughs stupidly, and takes a long swig from the bottle. "I have every right to drink...I am an emotional wreck." He slurs each word, and it's getting harder to keep from laughing at him.    

I know he's upset, hell...anybody would be, after the show Ally put on at dinner. She did it just to spite Justin, and we all know it.     

I just...I don't understand why she's being so flat out mean, about all of this. Trace and I are trying to keep the four of us together, and Ally just keeps pushing everyone away.    

I guess it's silly of me, but I just keep thinking back to when we were all little. Things were so easy. We always swore we'd be friends for the rest of our lives, but right now...it's hard to see us making it to the end of the year, and that just hurts.     

"The woman I love, hates me. And she's...dude...Charlie is cool as fuck. Do you have any idea how much that fuckin sucks?"    

"Alright...you need some sleep, man." Trace hops off the couch and quickly pulls Justin to his feet. The two of them stumble up the stairs together, and I can't stop the frown that's forming.    

I really thought things were on an upswing. I thought Justin and Ally had worked through their issues, and could be civil.    

They can apologize to Trace and I all they want, but I know, nothing's going to change. They're both too damn stubborn and immature for their own good, and that certainly doesn't help anything.     

I'm finally realizing, that maybe...they just don't belong together, and we all need to go our separate ways.

"Everything's Just Wonderful"-Lily Allen

Save some face, you know you've only got one
Change your ways while you're young
Boy, one day you'll be a man
Oh girl, he'll help you understand
Looking back at sunsets on the Eastside
We lost track of the time
Dreams aren't what they used to be
Some things slide by so carelessly         

"Aren't you scared, man?" Charlie takes a sip of his beer, and watches me closely.     

"Nah. Not really." I shrug. "We've been together for fuckin ever, and I love her."    

"That's cool, ya know? A lot of people couldn't do it so young." He nods and starts to shuffle the cards in front of us.    

I know what you're probably thinking, but you're wrong. I am not betraying Justin by hanging out with Charlie.     

Justin is...well...to be honest, he's a God damn idiot. He let his childish, it's all about me attitude, take over, and that's why Ally can't stand his ass.     

I guess it's bad that I'm so back and forth on this whole thing. See, at first...I had Justin's back all the way. Ally had a really good affect on him. He was finally growing the fuck up, and it was all because of her. But, when she started working for Charlie, it was like he took five steps back.     

Honestly, it could have been any guy...even me, and he would have acted the same exact way. It's not some major hatred for Charlie...it's the fact that someone else had Ally's attention.    

Justin's always been like that, and really...it's not totally his fault. He grew up in a single parent household, and until Lynn got re-married, when we were 14, Justin was her sole focus. Of course, by then...his career was taking off, and that was just one more thing that was all about him.    

Nsync may have been made up of five guys, but Justin was the attention getter. The group fucking broke up, because of him. That says a lot right there, if you ask me.     

I'm not trying to dog him or anything...he's my boy, no matter what, but you just can't ignore some shit.     

Like I said, I'm not betraying him here. Besides, even he said Charlie's cool. Me and him have actually gotten to be pretty tight the last couple months.     

According to Laur, Justin thinks I'm replacing him. Which, I'm sorry...but that shit's just funny. We aren't in third grade anymore.     

Justin just wants me to feel bad, so that I'll sit around and dog on Charlie with him.    

In a way, I kind of understand it, but I still think it's stupid. I mean seriously...if Charlie really had a thing for Ally, wouldn't he have made a move by now? They've been broken up for close to two months.     

Justin has this theory that Charlie is trying to take over his life.    

Personally, I think Justin's gone off the fucking deep end. I mean seriously...he should probably seek counseling. This isn't invasion of the body snatchers, but he's still acting like a fuckin weirdo when it comes to Charlie.     

Although, he's gotten a little bit better the last couple weeks. Him and Ally don't talk much, but since Thanksgiving, he seems to be handling everything fairly well. They can finally be in the same room, without screaming at each other, so that's a small victory in my book.     

I mean, I'd love to see them get back together, and I've tried really hard to make it happen, but I think they both need some time. Their decision to just be friends, was probably the best one either of them has made, in quite awhile.     

In the week since Thanksgiving...it's been almost eerily calm around the house, but it's good. It's about God damn time everybody pulled their heads out of their asses, and focused on the wedding.     

I'm just as guilty as anybody else, though. I just...I didn't have anything better to do. My duties as the groom were all taken care of, months ago, so all I've really had to do, is kick back and wait for the wedding day.     

Getting into Justin and Ally's shit, kept me from being bored out of my damn mind. Although, I kind of wish I would have just stayed out of it. It was way too intense for me, but it was upsetting Lauren, and I wasn't about to have her freaking out about those two, and the wedding. The girl just doesn't handle stress well, so I felt like I needed to intervene.     

I'll be so glad once the wedding is over, we can move into the new house, and finally settle into our lives. It's been go, go, go the last several years, and we're both just worn out.  I've really loved my life in L.A, but I'm more than ready to give it all up. I'm just too old for this shit, man.    

"So, what's the plan for tomorrow night?" Charlie asks suddenly.    

"Oh...uhh...we were just gonna hang out here, but Justin rented out some bar, and invited a shit ton of people, so we'll do whatever down there."    

"Alright, cool. I'll just meet you guys there, then. Anyway...I gotta get going. I've got some post production stuff to do at work."    

"Alright, later man."     

Before Charlie can even get out of the living room, the front door open and closes, then Justin strolls into the house. They pass each other in the hallway, and without so much as a glance, Charlie leaves, and Justin plops down on the couch. It takes a few minutes before he finally asks the question, that I'm sure has been eating at him since he pulled in the driveway.    

"What the fuck was he doing here?"    

"Nothin, man. He was bored, so he stopped by."    

"Oh...so he comes and goes in my house as he pleases? That's cool." Justin rolls his eyes, and his sarcasm isn't going unnoticed, but I'm really getting tired of this bullshit.        

For the longest time, we never had any problems. Everything between the four of us was cool. Everything started downhill when Charlie entered the picture, and it's Justin's fault.    

I mean yeah...Ally isn't helping by having the guy here all the time, flirting with him and shit, but Justin seriously needs to get over it. He dumped Ally. He's the one who lost his shit. I think he deserves every bit of what she's dishing out.    

But, I'm not gonna go there with him right now. My bachelor party is tomorrow night...my wedding is in a week. He can pout and be a dick, as much as he wants, I'm ignoring it.    

There's more important shit than worrying about Justin and his fucked up love life.     

"So, anyway...everything's set for tomorrow night. Everybody knows to meet at the bar."    

"Cool." He nods slowly, then looks around the room. "What are the girls doing?"
    

"Clubbing or something. Hell if I know."    

At first, I wasn't too thrilled with Justin for switching up our plans, at the last minute. I just wanted to get together with a few of my boys, drink and hang out. I didn't need some big ass party.    

But, now that everything's set...I'm pretty excited. It's technically my last night of freedom, so we might as well go all out.     

The next week is going to be fuckin nuts. We've got meetings with the church, last minute suit fittings, the rehearsal dinner...it's going to be non-stop. Plus, all of our nutty ass families will be here, and that only adds to everybody's stress.     

But, I think it's all going to be worth it. This time next week, I'll be married to the most amazing woman in the world, and no amount of stress or drama can ruin that for me.

************************************    

I enter the bar, with Justin on my heels, and can't help but grin. Practically every guy I've ever known is here. My older brother, a few of our friends from back home, Charlie, Johnny Wright, all three of Ally's brothers, mine, Justin's, Lauren's and Ally's Dads, several of mine and Lauren's cousins, and of course..the four guys, I almost never get to see anymore.    

I guess it's kind of weird, but I'm about as close to those guys as Justin was, so it's really good to have them here.     

I make the rounds, and greet everybody, before settling into a booth with my brother, Jeremy, and a couple of the guys from back home.    

This wasn't originally what I wanted, but I gotta admit, it's pretty damn cool. We've got the entire place to ourselves, so we can get as loud and crazy as we want. If there's one thing Justin knows how to do, it's throw a party.     

After a few hours, everyone's good and buzzed, and the old guys have taken off. Before I know it, we're trading relationship horror stories and rocking out to 80's hair-metal.   

Call me a lame ass...but I love that shit.     

The opening to "Livin On A Prayer", begins to boom through the speakers, and out of nowhere, the doors to the bar bust open. I don't know where they came from, or how the hell they even got here, but as Ally and Lauren stumble into the bar, the whole place erupts in laughter.    

Clearly, they've both had entirely too much to drink.    

Lauren makes her way over to me, bumping into tables, and giggling the whole way. She stops in front of me, attempts to straighten the small veil on her head, and smiles.         

"We're crashing, baby!" She gives me a sloppy kiss, then starts belting out the words to the song.    

"How'd you get here?"
    

"Well...my party was over...but we didn't want to go home, so we came here." She throws her arms around my neck, and I can't help but laugh at this entire situation.         

Only these two, would crash a bachelor party.     

I walk Lauren over to a booth, and after helping her sit down, I turn my attention to Ally. She seems to be a little more sober than Laur, but not by much.     

Now...I'll be the first to say, that Lauren is, hands down, the absolute most beautiful woman in the world, but tonight...Ally's definitely giving her a run for her money.    

Her jeans are so damn tight, it looks like somebody had to have painted them on her, and she has on this silky, shiny, dangerously low cut black, strappy shirt.     

If I wasn't in such a good mood...I'd probably go kick Justin's ass for letting that go.    

I guess God gave him talent, to make up for the brain cells he is so obviously missing.    

Ally gets a beer from the bar, then saunters over to Charlie, and plops down in his lap. I swear to God, women are complete bitches when it comes to stuff like that. I mean, I'm all for revenge on an ex who dicked you over or whatever, but really...what Justin did, wasn't all that horrible.    

It was stupid, but hey...he didn't cheat, and he wasn't beating her. As far as I know, stupidity still isn't a crime, even though it probably should be.    

He proposed out of fear, and in a way...I get it. When everything is turning upside down, you want something to hold onto.    

Like I said, stupid...but not bad. His intentions were mostly good, so points to him for that.    

But, Ally's just flat out being a bitch. She's shoving Charlie in his face, just because she knows it gets under his skin. She just wants a reaction.     

But, then again...maybe she has moved on from all this Justin bullshit, and she really does have a thing for Charlie.    

It's highly unlikely, but it is possible.    

It's taking Justin much longer than I expected, to notice what's going on here. But, maybe that's a good thing. He's still huddled up in a corner, talking with Jc and Joey, completely oblivious.    

Thank God, our fathers left...they really don't need to see this nonsense.    

The more I think about it, the worse I feel for Charlie. He didn't ask for any of this shit, but Ally is determined to pull him into it. Girls are fuckin ruthless, man. Especially when they're pissed off.    

If Lauren ever gets pregnant with a girl, we're putting her up for adoption. I don't think I could handle two crazy ass women bitching me out when I do something stupid.     

"What is she doing?" Justin suddenly appears at my side, and looks over at Ally and Charlie.     

She hasn't moved from her spot on his lap, and her arm is draped over his shoulder. Their faces are so close together, they're damn near touching, and they're whispering and giggling about something. Even I'm starting to get a little irritated.    

If Charlie's the guy he presents himself as, he should know better than to be macking on a chick in front of her ex. But, then again...Charlie has no tie to Justin. I don't think they've ever spoken more than two words to each other, so why should he give a shit what Justin thinks?    

Ally, however, should definitely know better. Drunk, or not.     

"She's just trying to fuck with you, man...just ignore it." I shrug and down the rest of my beer.     

"I think I know why." He sighs and shakes his head. "I slept with her in Memphis."    

"You did what?"
    

"Yeah...when I spent the night at Jack's...I slept with her."    

"God...how fuckin stupid are you, J? You flew across the country for a piece of ass?"    

"It wasn't like that." He rolls his eyes and finally looks away from the two of them. "I was sleeping on the couch, and it was seriously the most uncomfortable thing ever...so, I got in bed with her, and...it just kind of happened. I couldn't lay next to her, and not touch her."    

"What happened the next morning?"    

"Nothing." He shrugs again. "She was sleeping, and we had that early flight, so I left."    

"You're a God damn moron." I roll my eyes, and fight the urge to know him on his ass. "I bet you anything, she thinks you just wanted to get laid. Good job, dumb ass. Keep digging yourself in deeper."    

I roll my eyes again, and walk away from him. It all makes sense now. Why Ally's being so bitchy, why she suddenly wants Charlie around all the time...she thinks Justin used her.     

Granted, she should know him well enough, to know it's not true, but she's probably knee deep in all that scorned woman shit, so now she's out to hurt him as bad as he hurt her. From the looks of it, she's doing a damn good job, cause he looks like he's about to cry.    

The only problem is, she doesn't know the truth, and really...she's hurting Justin, for nothing.      

He may not be smart, but how can you not feel bad for the guy? For once, he's actually innocent, but still suffering the consequences.     

They're both just so damn childish and self centered. Which, is just more proof that they're fucking made for each other, if you ask me. Unfortunately, they're both too stubborn to see it. I know they will, eventually. Hopefully, for their sakes...they'll realize it, before it's too late.    

All I know is, the shit better not hit the fan until after the wedding. If they ruin this for Lauren, I'll have to kill em both, and that just won't be pretty.     

"Trace...why don't you have a stripper? Ally got me one...he was hot too!" Lauren giggles and tries to stand up. She stumbles a bit, and leans on the table to balance herself.     

It's a good thing she doesn't drink much. She's never been able to hold her liquor, and I'm sure, once we get home, she'll spend the rest of the night with her head in the toilet.     

"What kind of best man doesn't get the groom a stripper? Where's Justin? We need to talk about this."    

"Laur...it's fine. I don't need a stripper."
    

"Alrighty then." She shrugs and reaches for the hem of her shirt. "I'll do it myself."    

"No...no...it's cool." I laugh and help her back into the booth.    

It's nearing three a.m., and I hope to God, we'll be leaving soon. If Lauren's going to start removing clothing, it needs to be done in the comfort of our own home. Atleast that way, it'll save her some embarrassment.     

Ally makes her way over to us, and grins down at Lauren. "Can you believe, four rum and cokes did this? She's such a light weight." She giggles and rolls her eyes. "Anyway...I'm heading out."    

"Alright. I'm gonna grab Justin and get out of here soon, too. I'll see ya back at the house."   

"Actually...I'm not coming home tonight." She smirks at me, and I'm sure the look on my face is a mixture of shock and disgust.    

"Please tell me you're joking."    

"No sir. See you in the morning." She struts off after Charlie, and the two of them quickly head for the door.     

Justin, as luck would have it, sees the entire thing, and there's no ignoring that hurt look in his eyes.     

I've had it. I have abso-fucking-lutely had it. Somebody needs to put a stop to this shit, and it looks like it's going to have to be me.    

I'm not going to sit back and watch my friends fall apart. The rest of us aren't going to suffer because they're too selfish to see what's right in front of them.

*****************************************    

I really don't know what the hell I'm doing. I should in bed, with my fiance, sound asleep. Instead...my ass is planted on this couch, waiting for atleast one of them to come home.    

I still can't fucking believe Ally left with Charlie. She's never been the type to sleep around, and Justin, is one of a very select few, of guys that she's been with. She couldn't possibly have gone and slept with her boss, could she?    

No. I know what she's doing.     

I'd bet my life, that she spent the night on Charlie's couch, just waiting for Justin to come after her, or do some other incredibly stupid thing.         

Justin...stayed at the bar with Jc, and now that it's quickly approaching nine a.m, there's no telling where the hell he is.     

I just...I don't understand any of this. Most of the time, they're both fairly intelligent, respectable people. I guess, they're just far too wrapped up in their emotions.    

But, all of that's going to change. They're both in for a world of hurt, whether they like it or not.     

I really hate having to be the peace keeper around here.    

A little before 10, the front door finally opens, and Ally enters the house as quietly as she can manage. She damn near tiptoes to the stairs, and as soon as her foot hits that first step, she looks into the living room, and freezes.    

"What are you doing up?"
    

"Get in here, and sit your ass down."    

Her eyes widen, but she quickly does as I ask. Once she sits down, she looks at me expectantly. "What?"        

I clear my throat, and sit up a little straighter. I know I'm usually the one cracking jokes, and playing around...but this shit needs to be taken seriously. They both need to know that I'm not playing around about this.    

"Lauren and I, are getting married in exactly one week. This time next Sunday, everyone we've ever known or cared about, is going to be getting ready for what is, probably the most important thing Laur or I, have ever done." I'm trying to keep my tone as even as possible, but if she starts running her smart ass mouth, I'm probably going to flip.    

"Lately...two people, who are a major part of our lives, and this wedding, have turned into a couple of fucking nut cases. They're selfish, and childish, and it seems to me that they really couldn't care less about the people around them. One of them, is even going so far as to use another person, for revenge. I, for one, have fucking had it. With both of them."
    

"Trace...I'm sorry...I just..."    

"Save it, Al. This shit's getting out of control, and it needs to stop. After the wedding, I couldn't give a fuck less if you and Justin ever even speak again. But you are not fucking this up for Lauren. She's worked too damn hard, and it's going to be everything she's ever wanted."
    

"You're right." She nods sadly.     

"You think I don't know that? Look...I know Justin screwed up. Grow up, and get over it. Acting like a bitch and trying to get back at him doesn't change what already happened."    

She nods slowly, and I think I might actually be making some headway with her. Her expression has softened, and for the first time in God knows how long, she looks like herself again.    

Since she got back from Memphis, she's looked so...bitter. That's the only way I can describe it. It was like you could see everything Justin's put her through, on her face. But now, it's all gone.    

"I'm being so stupid, aren't I?"
    

"It's not just you." I say honestly and shrug. "You're both acting like morons. You made all these promises to each other, but it's like...neither one of you will follow it through. You agreed to be friends, and try to work it out...so do it. Stop acting like you're in fucking high school."    

"Ya know...for a short guy...you're pretty scary, when you want to be."     

"I try." I chuckle and shake my head. "So...what happened at Charlie's?"
    

"Nothing." She shrugs and rolls her eyes. "He let me have his bed, he slept on the couch."    

"Good. How's the hangover?"    

She groans and covers her face with her hands. "I feel like somebody beat my head against a brick wall. Anyway...I'm going to bed."       

She heads up the stairs, and I can't help but smile. Sometimes, putting your foot down pays off. Now, everything will be back to normal, and we can get through the next week just fine.    

I'm the fuckin man.

"Smile Like You Mean It"-The Killers

I stared at you
From across the room
Until both my eyes were faded
I was in a rush
I was out of luck
Now I'm so glad that I waited
Well you were almost there
Almost mine

They say love ain't fair
But I'm doing fine...
 

"So, what are you going to do?" My best friend, Shawn, looks at me blankly.     

I set up my shot, and groan when the solid yellow ball bounces off the right corner pocket, and goes sailing back across the table.     

"I don't know." I shrug and gulp down the rest of my beer.    

"She's hot...I say, nail her, then move on to the next one."    

"Yeah. I'll nail my assistant. Brilliant idea." I roll my eyes and make my way to the refrigerator.    

Shawn has been my best friend since college, and sometimes...I have no idea why.    

He has the tendency to fly by the seat of his pants, and acts without thinking. I, however, like to be absolutely sure of what I'm doing. If I know something isn't going to work in my favor, I normally won't bother with it.    

That attitude is what has fueled my career. If I was more careless, there's no way, I'd be where I am today.     

I know a lot of people think I've had to work my ass off to get here, but it's all been fairly simple. The connections I made, during my days as a struggling musician helped, but it all comes down to decision making, and knowing what people want.     

It's my job to make a video, the most amazing thing anyone has ever seen. Believe it or not, the slightest misstep can throw the whole thing off. The wrong lighting, wrong wardrobe, wrong setting, wrong extras, wrong camera angle...they're all small details that could sink the whole project, and I'm there to make sure that doesn't happen.     

It wasn't my first career choice, but I don't have any regrets.    

"Let's look at this logically, alright?" Shawn asks suddenly. "She came running to you, when her pop star boyfriend dumped her. She was a wreck, and you did the whole sensitive guy thing, and listened to her, blah, blah, blah. Then...she takes some time to collect herself, and now she's all on your shit. She wants you, man....make a move."    

"Yeah...I guess I could."    

Now, this is where major decision making comes in. I've made a mental list of the pros and cons for all of this, but I usually end up with an equal amount of each.     

It's getting harder and harder to ignore the fact that I have a pretty intense attraction to my assistant. Anyone can see the girl is gorgeous, but that wasn't the only thing that drew me in.     

She's probably the most genuinely sweet person, I've ever met. She completely throws herself into anything she does, and she's so strong and confident. She knows exactly what she wants for herself, and she's not afraid to go after it. But, I think the biggest thing for me...is her honesty. She's so honest, it's almost painful sometimes, but I love it.     

Most people in L.A will only tell you what they think you want to hear, but she just doesn't care. She is far from being a typical woman.     

For a long time, I fought it off. She was in a serious relationship, and I wasn't about to go after a woman who was taken. Plus, I have a strict policy about not dating my employees.    

But, she could be the exception.    

It didn't take long, before she was running through my mind constantly, and I was using every excuse I could, to call her. I just...I want to be around her.    

It's like, I can't ever get enough of her, and that's a new feeling for me.    

I've never been overly lucky when it comes to women. Sure, I've dated around, but I can't honestly say, I've ever had a serious girlfriend. Most of the time, I was too wrapped up in work to get really involved in something, but really...none of the women I've ever dated, made a lasting impression on me.    

Not one of them, was ever the type of girl, I could see myself taking home to my parents. I couldn't see them fitting in with my friends, and I definitely didn't see any of them being patient with my work schedule.         

So, I stuck with the casual dating thing, and was perfectly ok with that. Atleast until, she came along.    

I like to think I'm a pretty good guy...so, while she was in a relationship, I pushed my feelings to the side, and ignored them. But, when she showed up, on my doorstep, in tears...I couldn't ignore the satisfaction I felt.    

However, I knew there was no way, I could move right on in there. She would need time to pick up the pieces, and I was more than happy to wait for her.  I've been waiting roughly, two months now, and I'm still no closer to an answer, than I was in the beginning.     

I'd like to believe that her actions over the last month or so, have been her way of encouraging me to make a move, but women are impossible to read, so there's no real way to know for sure, unless she comes out and says it.     

Asking her out, would be a huge risk for me.    

Number one, I'm up against a world famous singer, who had more money at 18, than I'll ever see in a lifetime.     

And, they have a history together, that I could never compete with. I don't know much about Justin, other than things I've heard from Ally, or some of the industry folks. I've met him several times since Ally started working for me, but I never really got a feel for him.     

I can't say I like or dislike him. I don't know him, and I can't really judge someone, when I know nothing about them.    

Honestly, everything would be a little bit easier if I could like or dislike him. That way, I could just say, hey...Justin's my bro...not gonna go there. Or, I can't stand Justin...so I'm moving in on his territory.    

But, I don't see myself getting to know Justin Timberlake, anytime soon. 

It's obvious to anyone, that the guy doesn't like me, and I can understand why. If I had Ally, and there was some other guy sniffing around all the time, I'd have a problem with it too.    

Ally's the type of girl, that you don't let get away. I guess it's too bad for Justin, that he doesn't know that.

**********************************************    

"This just came in." Ally smiles as she enters my office, and lays a folder on my desk. "It's the treatment Justin approved. We just need to hire a director, find a location, and schedule the date."    

"Alright, cool." I nod and flip through the first couple pages. "No extras?"    

"Apparently not. He wants to go with the dancers he's already got for the tour. Which, makes sense, they already know the routine and everything. I'm still waiting for T.I and Timbaland's people to fax over their schedules."    

"Ok...when we get a date, clear Michael's schedule for that entire week. I'll take him on the shoot with me."    

"Oh...alright."    

She looks slightly defeated, and I'm not exactly sure why. I keep getting the vibe that she doesn't want anything to do with Justin...so she should be thrilled that she won't be on the shoot.    

As much as I like Ally, she's confusing the hell out of me. One minute, I'm convinced that my feelings are mutual, but the next...it's very clear, that she's still completely in love with Justin. I really don't know what to do.    

I don't want to be a rebound, but if I have a shot with her, I don't want to miss it.    

"Is that ok?"    

"It doesn't really matter." She shrugs. "I just..I was kind of hoping I'd get to be there. It's the last thing Lauren and Trace are working on, before they move...it's the last time the four of us would get to work together."
    

"Al...if you want to be there, I'll be more than happy to have you. I just didn't want to put you in a bad situation."    

She laughs a little, and rolls her eyes. "It'll be fine. Everything's cool. I appreciate you looking out for me, though."    

"It's nothing." I smile at her. "So...any plans for tonight?"    

"Oh yeah...sitting on the couch, stuffing my face and watching TV. Real exciting stuff." She giggles and shakes her head. "Lauren and Trace have a meeting with the church...Justin's in rehearsals, and our families are all flying in tomorrow...so this is my chill out night."    

"That's too bad. I was going to see if you wanted to grab dinner."    

She looks a little taken aback, but smiles, then nods slowly. "Actually...yeah...I'd like that."    

"Cool. I'll pick you up at eight." She grins again, before leaving my office, and I can't help but smile.    

I did it. I finally did it. I asked her out.     

I have a date with Ally.    

It's strange, but asking her wasn't as difficult as I expected it to be. That's just one more thing, I really like about her. I'm a laid back person to begin with, but she really puts me at ease. When she's around, I'm completely stress and worry free.    

I don't think anybody has ever made me feel that way.     

I just hope my nerves don't decide to kick in, at the last minute. I don't know how I'll come back to work, if I make a fool of myself, in front of her tonight.    

It didn't really occur to me,until now, but what the hell am I going to do about Justin? It's no secret that he's got some major jealousy issues, especially when it comes to Ally.     

I really don't need some crazy pop star on my ass.    

Ya know, the more I hear about him, and the more I think about it...maybe it is pretty easy to dislike someone you don't even know.

***********************************************    

I check my reflection in the mirror one last time, before grabbing my keys and heading out to my car.    

I decided that casual, is probably the best way to go tonight. There's this Italian place, not far from my apartment, that has the most incredible lasagna, I've ever eaten. It's a fairly nice place, but it's not overly swanky. You can show up in a T-shirt and jeans, and not look or feel out of place.    

I can feel a knot building in my stomach, the closer I get to Ally's, and by the time I pull in the driveway, it's impossible to ignore.     

I've been to this house numerous times, but I still can't get over the size of it. I've seen some pretty damn big houses, but this one, is just massive.     

I climb out of the car, and slowly make my way to the door. I just...I can't quite wrap my head around this yet. If someone had told me four months ago, that I'd be going out with Ally, I probably would have laughed.    

As much as I'm looking forward to this...I have to admit, it is pretty weird. I mean...how many guys can say they've picked a girl up, for a date, from her ex-boyfriends house?    

It's almost comical, when you think about it.    

I finally raise my fist, and knock. It takes a few minutes, before the door swings open, and I'm met with a stone faced Justin Timberlake.    

He rolls his eyes, and without a word, he turns and walks back into the living room, leaving the door standing wide open. I step inside, closing the door behind me, and follow him into the living room. He stretches out on the couch, his eyes never leaving the television.     

"She's still getting ready." He mutters, and I nod.    

I'd kind of been hoping he wasn't going to be here. I knew any encounter with him, would be nothing but awkward, and so far...it looks like I'm right. But, I'm going to be the bigger man, here. I'm not going to be petty and childish, just because we have feelings for the same woman.     

"So...I got the treatment for your video, this afternoon. With the right director, it should be pretty bad ass."    

"Yeah."    

It's dead silent for several minutes, and I'm really trying. I'm trying to be the nice guy. But, I actually understand him. If I was in his position, I'd probably be bitter and pissed off too.     

From everything I've heard, he was and still is, very much in love with Ally. So, I'm sure watching someone else take her out, can't be easy.    

I guess he doesn't realize that competing with him, is no easy feat, either. He knows things about Ally, that I probably never will, even if this does work out.  He's been there, her entire life, and I'm sure there's a bond between them that no one else will ever understand.    

"Got your speech written for the wedding yet?"    

"Yep."    

"That's cool. I was my brothers best man, a couple years ago. It took me forever to write that damn speech."    

"Look...I know what you're doing." He sighs heavily, and finally looks over at me. "You don't need to be overly cool with me and shit to get in good with Ally."    

"I don't need to get in good with her...I'd like to think I'm already there."    

"Maybe you are...maybe you aren't." He shrugs. He stands up and strolls toward the kitchen, but stops and turns to face me again. "And..we may not be together anymore, but she's still my best friend, and if you upset her...I'll fuckin kill you." He smirks, and disappears.    

In a way...I completely expected that. I may be an outsider, but anyone can see just how protective Justin and Trace are, of Ally and Lauren. In their own weird way, the four of them are a family...so it's perfectly understandable.    

"Hey...you ready?"Ally calls as she makes her way down the stairs.     

"Yeah, lets go." I follow her to the door, but stop and look behind me first.     

Justin is leaning against the doorway, arms folded over his chest, staring at me. He's trying to intimidate me, but I'm not backing down without a fight.     

For once...the underdog is going to get the girl, and he's going to have to live with it.    

It's not long before we're seated at a corner table, browsing the menu. I don't know why I'm even bothering to look, I knew what I was getting long before we got here. Ally is completely focused on her menu, and I can't help but laugh at her.    

"You alright?"    

"Oh yeah...I'm fine." She gives me a short nod, and forces a smile. "Me and Justin used to come here a lot."
    

I nod slowly, and return my attention to my menu, doing my best to hide the grimace that I'm sure is taking over my face.    

Figures, doesn't it?    

I thought I'd come up with the perfect first date, and it turns out, I've brought her to a place that's just going to remind her, of him. I guess I shouldn't be all that surprised.     

I know virtually nothing about their friendship, or relationship, but I'd probably be hard pressed to find a place they haven't been together.     

But, I'm not going to let it get to me. I'm not going to worry about Justin, his threats, or their past.     

I'm determined to enjoy tonight, and hopefully, she will too.  

**********************************************************    

"This was great. Thank you." Ally grins, as I pull into her driveway.    

"It's nothing." I shrug and chuckle nervously.    

Overall, I think it went really well. Even though, Justin did enter our conversation every so often. The best thing about tonight though...I got to see a completely different side of her.    

At work, she's usually so professional, and fairly quiet, but she kind of came out of her shell, and I finally got to see who she really is. Honestly, it just made me like her even more than I already did.     

I don't know what's going to happen, or if this will make work awkward, but I'm so glad I did this. It's been a long time since I've really liked a woman, so it's kind of exciting and nerve wracking at the same time, but in a really good way.    

"Well...I better go." She says quietly, and reaches for the door handle.     

I don't know what possessed me to do it, but before I even realize it, I've grabbed her by the arm, pulled her back into the car and my lips are firmly planted on hers. I can distinctly feel her smile against my mouth, and it's not long before I'm doing the same.    

Every nerve in my body, feels like it's on fire. The only thing I can concentrate on is her, the feel of her mouth, and the way she seems to fit perfectly in my arms.     

After a minute or two, she pulls away from me. She starts to chew on her bottom lip, and there's no hiding the worry in her eyes.     

I think maybe, my feelings are starting to cloud my mind, a bit. I haven't really thought about whether or not she's ready for this, and I don't want to push her into something she can't handle right now. If I had a shot, I could have just completely ruined it.    

"God...Al...I'm so sorry..."    

She smiles and shakes her head, before her mouth crashes against mine, once again.    

On second thought, maybe she is ready.    

We both jump and jerk away from each other, at the sudden sound of a blaring car horn. Ally quickly scrambles out of the car, and after letting out the breath, I've been holding all night, I follow suit.    

"It's Lauren and Trace." She mumbles as we walk down the driveway, toward Trace's truck.    

He smirks and looks between the two of us. "Well, well, well...what do we have here?"    

"We just got back from dinner. How'd the church thing go?"    

"Obviously not as well as dinner." Lauren snickers as she and Trace climb out of the truck.    

Ally rolls her eyes and grabs me by the hand, leading me away from the truck. "Sorry... they're...well...they're special. But anyway...I guess I'll see you in the morning."    

"Yeah. Night, Al." She gives me a small wave, and heads for the door.    

I can't believe how well this turned out. When I picked her up, I was worried that I'd make an idiot of myself, or talk of Justin would dominate the evening, but it couldn't have gone better, even if I'd planned it.    

Except for the fact that I didn't actually tell her how I feel.    

She's almost to the door, and I know, it's now or never. If I don't get this out now, I probably never will.    

"Hey, Al...wait."    

"Yeah?"     

I jog up to the porch and she smiles curiously. "Look...I...I really like you, Ally. And I know I shouldn't, because your my assistant, and I know you're still getting over Justin, but I just...I think we might have something here."    

Her smile falls a little, and she quickly looks down at her feet. I can feel that knot building up in my stomach again, and I have no idea what she's going to say, but I'm sure it won't be good.    

"Charlie..." She sighs and shifts her weight from one foot to the other. "I like you...I really do...and I had a blast tonight, and I'd love to do this again...but I don't want anything serious right now."    

"Hey...I'll be more than happy to wait it out." She finally smiles at me, and this incredible sense of relief washes over me. For her, I think I'd do just about anything.    

"Actually...I need a date for the wedding Sunday."    

"I'll be there."    

"Good. See ya." She grins, gives me a quick kiss, and hurries inside.    

As soon as the door closes, Trace and Lauren start whistling and making cat calls. I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks, and I hang my head as I make my way back to my car.     

I almost feel like I'm in high school again. It's new and exciting, and a little embarrassing...but I couldn't be happier. I've been waiting for this, for months, and getting what you want, is a really good feeling.    

"Y'all are too cute!" Lauren squeals as she walks past me, and pats me on the shoulder, before heading in the house.        

Trace stops in front of me, staring me down for a few minutes, a deep frown set on his face. "Man...you know we're cool, and I really want to be happy for you...but Justin's like my brother and I just...I can't really see Ally with anybody but him. I'm sorry man."    

"It's cool." I shrug. "I know where you're coming from."    

"I mean...there's no hard feelings or anything, but this just doesn't seem right to me."    

"I got ya, man. Anyway...I'll see ya Sunday."     

I get back into my car, crank the engine, and take off. I guess I couldn't expect Trace to be thrilled at the prospect of Ally and I dating. Like he said, Justin's like his brother, and even though we're getting to be pretty good friends,  Justin is always going to come first.    

Unfortunately, I've got a bad feeling he'll always come first for Ally, as well, and nothing I do, or say is going to change that.     

Even though tonight went great, it's all hitting me. Any relationship with Ally, would only be half assed. She'll always be comparing me to Justin, or thinking about him, and I don't think I could stand knowing that.    

I can't be with a girl, who doesn't really want me.     

And...I don't want Ally to settle. She deserves nothing but the best, and obviously... Justin is the best for her.     

I guess it's true. Nice guys really do finish last.

"Won't Stop"-OneRepublic

So frustrating knowing what could be
What's even worse is she used to belong to me
As I toss and turn there's nothing I can do
But if she couldn't sleep maybe we could make up
But I just can't seem to wake her up this time
If she couldn't sleep
I know she'd tell herself maybe she might need
A little time to stop her heart from bleeding so
Like me, I wish she couldn't sleep 

    

"If you ask me, it's your own damn fault. You couldn't expect her to wait on you forever."     

"Momma!"    

"Oh don't whine, Justin. You're a grown man." My mother frowns at me, and all I can do, is sit here.     

Lauren and Trace's rehearsal dinner is tomorrow night, and our families all arrived this morning. Lucky for me, I'm on parent-sitting duty for the day, while Ally is at work and Lauren and Trace are off, doing some kind of wedding nonsense.     

Lauren and Trace's parents went to grab breakfast, Ally's parents want absolutely nothing to do with me, so I'm left with my own Mother, who continues to berate me for a stupid mistake I made, two months ago.     

It's a big crock of shit, if you ask me.    

I mean...I fucked up...ok, I get it. Can't we all just move on? I mean, damn. Even Ally has moved on, why can't everybody else?     

It took us awhile to get into the swing of this friends thing, but I think we're doing ok.     

If you consider barely speaking, ok.     

I didn't expect us to immediately go back to being best friends, but I'd really hoped we could find a good balance. Maybe we both screwed this thing up beyond repair, and we're just wasting our time.    

After last night, it's crystal clear to me, that our relationship is over. She's already found someone else.    

And let me just say...I fucking told you so!     

I knew from day one that, that mother fucker wanted her, and now...he's got her. I bet he's jumping for joy, right about now. He got the girl, and I just look like an asshole. I knew it was going to happen...but it still hurts like hell.     

And Charlie rubbing it in, didn't help matters, any. I mean...I know he never really said it, but coming in my house and trying to strike up a conversation, when he's about to take out the woman I love, ain't exactly cool.    

I really felt like I was going crazy last night. I spent the entire evening, pacing the floor and watching the clock, like some worried parent. Thank God, I was home by myself. Nobody needed to see that.     

When headlights finally flashed through the front window around quarter till 11, I hauled ass up to my room, and hopped in bed, like I'd been there all night.     

She came in a few minutes before Lauren and Trace, came straight upstairs, took a shower, and went to bed.     

Like an idiot, I didn't leave my bedroom until I was sure everyone had left for the day. I just...I'm terrified that it went really well, and if it did...I don't want to know.    

I don't want to hear about how perfect Charlie is, or how he swept her off her feet. I don't want to know where they went, or what they did.     

Even if it went badly, I don't want to know. I don't want to see her upset or hurt, because if she is...I'll have to kick the guys ass, and I don't want to do that.    

Ok...maybe I do a little, but that's beside the point.     

"Paul and I are going to get lunch, you want to go?"
    

"Nah...not hungry." I shrug, and she frowns at me again.    

"Don't sit here like a lump all day, Justin. Get out and do something. You've only got a couple weeks left before the tour starts."    

"I've got rehearsals at four." She nods, before her and Paul head out of the house.     

At first, I thought having our families around would be a good distraction, but in a way, they've kind of made everything worse.     

My mother is about ready to hang me, which...I can't really blame her. She had her heart set on Ally and I working out, and I pretty much ruined everybody's dream.    

Ann and Dave...well...they were just a tad on the frigid side, at the airport. I was actually a little shocked, they've always treated me like a son, no matter what was going on. But, apparently breaking their daughter's heart warrants the cold shoulder.     

It makes sense, I guess. If I had a daughter, and some jackass hurt her...I'd probably be out for blood too.     

I just...I never thought anything that I did, would affect this many people. I figured it was between me and Ally, but I guess I was wrong. Apparently, everybody has to have their say, whether I like it or not.     

I'm just not sure how many more times I can stand to hear, what a fucking idiot I am.  

********************************    

Trace pulls his driver out of the bag, and takes several practice swings before grabbing a ball out of the basket, and placing it on the tee.  I guess it's kind of lame, but we decided to do something, just the two of us. It's like, our last hang out before the wedding.    

The rehearsal dinner is just a few hours away, and the wedding is tomorrow. I still can't believe it's already here. It seems like it wasn't that long ago, but when you look back, so much has happened since they got engaged. Our lives have all completely changed since then.         

In a few weeks, we'll all go our separate ways, and I have no idea what's going to happen then. We're shooting the video for My Love, a week after the tour starts, then Lauren and Trace are moving back to Tennessee.     

I still don't have an assistant, and Ally's going to be stuck at the house, by herself. Although, I'm sure Charlie will have no problem keeping her company. Ugh.    

I can't help wondering, if Ally and I hadn't gotten together in the first place, would everything be so different?     

I'm sure Lauren and Trace would still be moving, but would I have an assistant? Would I still have my best friend? Would I still hate Charlie Walters?    

I know, I sound like an asshole for not liking a guy, who's been nothing but nice to me, but he's taking Ally away, and that cancels out any good thing he could ever do. Plus...I just...I get this vibe from him, like he's not completely trustworthy.     

"So...I was thinking..."Trace says suddenly, as he sends another ball sailing through the air. "Ally wouldn't work for you, and date you...does this mean she's going to quit working for Charlie?"    

"They're dating?"    

Trace winces, and nods slowly. "Yeah, man."        

I roll my eyes and grab my driver. I think golf might be the best stress reliever in the world. It's like, you can put all of your aggression into that swing, and the loud crack of the club making contact with the ball, is almost chilling.    

"Are you sure? I mean...I know they went out the other night, but that doesn't mean they're a couple, right?"    

"Well...no. But, Ally really likes him, man."    

"I know." I sigh, and roll my eyes when my ball just misses the 100 yard mark. I am way out of practice, and it's definitely showing. "I just keep thinking, he's going to turn out to be the bastard, I know he is, and she'll come running back to me."
    

"No offense or anything, but I wouldn't hold my breath, J. He's a good guy, and he's crazy about her."    

"Ya know...people keep saying that, but I just can't believe it. It's like he's too good of a guy, ya know?"
    

"You're just jealous." Trace smirks.    

"Of course I am. No matter what...I love her. How would you feel if you had to watch Lauren go out with some guy that you know, is completely wrong for her?"    

"I'd probably kill somebody...but then again...I'm not stupid enough to fuck up with Lauren."    

"Funny."
    

"I defended your honor and shit, if it helps." He shrugs with a laugh. "When he was leaving the other night, I told him I wasn't too happy about this shit. Haven't talked to him since."    

"Thanks, man." I chuckle and shake my head.    

Trace may be little, but he isn't afraid of any damn thing. And, he's about as loyal as it gets. Even though, he thinks I screwed up and caused a lot of unnecessary problems, he's still got my back. Not too many people would do that.    

I really am going to miss his short ass.    

"Anyway...enough woman talk. How's the tour stuff coming?"    

"It's fuckin awesome, man. The stage is huge...I can't wait."    

"Still don't have a PA?"     

"Nah...Johnny will find one. I'm not too worried."    

"You know...I might have an idea." He grins wickedly, and I can only imagine what he's thinking.    

The guy is like an evil genius. You never know what the hell he's going to come up with. But, to his credit...his ideas usually end up being fantastic.    

He starts spouting off his plan, and I quickly find myself nodding along, and grinning from ear to ear. Even I've got to admit, it's fucking brilliant. I should have thought of it, months ago, but I guess I was too wrapped up in my emotional drama to do anything productive.    

We agree to set this thing in motion, tonight at the rehearsal dinner, and all I can think is that, it's either the dumbest, or smartest thing, I've ever done.    

Hopefully, it's the latter. Because I've done enough dumb shit, to last a lifetime.     

We spend the rest of the afternoon at the driving range, talking about the wedding, the big move, Ally and all of her nonsense, and of course, the tour.    

I'm actually really glad we did it. It's been way too long since Trace and I got to do something together, that didn't involve work, or some other stupid shit. I really think, that even though he's moving, we'll still be as cool as we've always been.     

Besides, my family is still in Memphis, so it's not like I'm never there. Everything's going to be just fine, and we've all spent way too long worrying and freaking out.     

We eventually head home, to get ready for the rehearsal dinner, and before I know it, we're at the reception hall, waiting for everyone else to arrive.    

Lauren and Trace are doing the whole traditional thing, and tonight will be the last time they see each other, until Lauren walks down that aisle tomorrow evening.    

Trace is quickly becoming a ball of nerves, and it's actually kind of funny. He's played it cool through all of this, but I guess the reality is finally setting in. I know, it'll all be fine though. No matter how nervous he is, everyone knows, he's beyond happy.    

It's another half an hour, before our families start to show up, but there's still no sign of Lauren, or Ally. It doesn't really surprise me, I'm sure Lauren is all into girl mode, and freaking out about her hair, or some other ridiculous thing girls worry about, that no one else really notices.     

I just wish they'd hurry it the hell up. We've got a long night ahead of us, and I'm already super uncomfortable.     

I don't get why we have to dress up for this thing. It's a rehearsal. When I'm in rehearsals, I'm usually in sweats.     

"Where the hell are they? We have an hour to eat, before we have to get over to the church." Trace is practically shaking, and I have to bite my tongue to keep from laughing at him. I'll bet Lauren isn't even as nervous as he is.    

"Calm down, man. They'll be here."    

"Calm down? Let's see you calm down with four sets of crazy parents on your ass. And your Mom...damn. Every time she looks at me, she gets all teary eyed and shit."    

"You know how she is." I shrug and gulp down the rest of my drink.     

"It's about damn time." Trace mutters as Ally and Lauren finally stroll in.     

Just as I suspected, Lauren is made up to the hilt. Perfect hair, perfect make up. I'd be lying if I said, it wasn't worth it. She looks fantastic. She's got this glow all around her, and you can see just how happy she is.     

Trace rushes over to her, grabs her by the hand, and drags her off toward the parents, leaving Ally at the door. She watches the two of them for a minute, before laughing to herself and shaking her head.     

Somebody really should have told her, that it's not polite to upstage the bride. She looks...breathtaking. She has on this simple, sleeveless black dress, that's cut to just below her knees. The neckline dips down low enough to show off some cleavage, but it's still conservative enough, to keep you guessing. And, it hugs her in all the right places and just....damn.     

I'm an idiot. A complete and utter moron. I mean seriously...what the fuck was I thinking? How, could I have ever let that get away?    

I make my way over to her, and once I'm in front of her, she smiles awkwardly at me.    

"Hey, Jus."    

"Ally...you look...amazing." She giggles and rolls her eyes.     

"You don't look so bad yourself." She picks at the collar of my dark blue button up, and smirks. "Tie and all, I'm impressed."    

"Eh." I shrug and smile at her. "Lauren would have shot my ass if I didn't."    

"Very true. She spent almost three hours on just her make up. She'll probably be even worse tomorrow."    

"Oh definitely."    

This is killing me. I absolutely hate small talk, and with her...it's just horrible. I almost feel like I don't know her anymore, and I can't stand that.    

Even if we can't get the romantic aspect of things back on track, I atleast want my best friend back.     

Trace's little plan may not be 100 percent honest, but if it works...it could keep everything intact. I'm not out to hurt anyone...I just...I want to correct my mistakes.     

"So, I heard rehearsals are going really well."
    

"So far." I nod slowly and grin. "You'll have to come out to a show sometime."    

"Wouldn't miss it." She says honestly. "Anyway...I think we're supposed to eat now." She giggles, and gestures to the large table that everyone is seated at.     

None of them seem to be paying attention to us, but Ally quickly takes a seat next to her Father, who gives me a glare as I slide into a chair between Trace and Johnny Wright.    

The entire wedding party digs into their dinners and there's a million conversations going on at once. This is my chance. If Trace and I are going to go through with this, it's now or never.        

"T...you ready?" I elbow him, and he glances at Johnny, before giving me a short nod.    

"Hey Johnny...I got a question for you, man." Johnny looks between the two of us suspiciously.    

"Well..we've got a pretty strict employee fraternization clause, right?"    

"Of course. Why?" He takes a sip of his drink, before frowning and glaring at me. "Justin...so help me God, if you're screwing one of your dancers, before the tour has even started..."     

I roll my eyes and give him the most serious expression, I can muster. "Please. I'm completely single. I haven't had sex in...like a month." I shudder at that thought, and let Trace do the talking.    

"See...we have reason to believe that someone in production is kind of dating his assistant."    

"I'm assuming this is about Charlie Walters?"    

"Yeah, him and Ally had a date the other night, and according to Lauren...they plan on going out again." Trace shrugs. "Thought you'd want to know."    

"I appreciate the information, boys. But, they aren't dating. Trust me."    

"I don't know, man. I was there when he picked her up." I smirk as Johnny's eyes widen.    

So far, it's looking good. Johnny looks fairly pissed, and I guarantee, it won't be long before Ally is pulled out of the production department, and back as my PA.    

Part of me does feel a little bad. Ally really loves that job...but hey...rules are rules. It states, in everyone's contracts, that inter-office dating is heavily frowned upon. As soon as her and I got together, she ran to Johnny and put in her resignation. Why should Charlie get her at his side every single day, when I didn't?    

What about him, is so much better than me?    

"Justin...there's absolutely no way. I know what the hell I'm talking about."    

"Johnny...we're serious. We saw them." Trace says, matching Johnny's serious tone.     

"Look...I don't know what you two are trying to pull, or what you think you saw, but they are not dating. Charlie is a happily married man."    

What. The. Fuck.    

My head immediately snaps over in Ally's direction. Her and Lauren are giggling about something, and I feel like somebody just hit me over the head with a hammer.     

Johnny and Trace's conversation is getting much more heated, but I can't focus on anything they're saying.     

I just...I can't believe this. He's fucking married?    

What the hell?        

I mean, I knew he wasn't as great as he made himself out to be, but never in a million years, did I expect something like this.     

How could he do this to her? How could he spend months, going after her, when he's fucking married? And, where the hell has his wife been during all of this shit?    

How the hell am I going to tell Ally? I know, she won't believe it, coming from me. She'll think I'm just trying to get her back again.    

I get up from the table, without a word, and head for the door. I just...I can't sit here, and look at her, knowing this.     

I'm going to kill that mother fucker. If he thinks he had problems with me before, he ain't seen nothing yet.     

As satisfying as it is, to say that I knew it, I'm not happy. I always thought, that finding out Charlie was a piece of shit, would be this, thrilling, amazing thing, but...it's not.     

Ally stands to get very hurt, in all of this, and I just can't tolerate that. I can't sit back and watch someone else hurt her. I've got to do something. I just don't know what.    

Trace exits the building a minute later, and he looks about an angry as I feel. This may be harder for me, but I know it's not easy for him, either. Trace is a really protective guy, so I'm sure he's ready to fuck Charlie up, too.    

"You gotta calm down, J." He says quietly, through gritted teeth. "Johnny's going to get her out of the production department, and believe me...I'm beyond pissed...but there's more important shit going on here. If you tell her now...it's going to fuck up the rest of tonight, and tomorrow."    

"I just...I don't get it."    

"I don't either, and we'll handle it...just...just not yet."    

"You know...she won't believe me. She'll think I'm just being a dick." I say helplessly, and he nods slowly.    

"Probably. We'll figure it out, alright? If I have to, I'll call Charlie, and make him fucking tell her."    

"We shouldn't have done this. We should have just stayed out of it."    

"Oh, so you'd rather her get in really deep with him, and get hurt worse? Good thinking, dipshit. Just calm the fuck down. We'll figure it out. Now, let's go back inside, finish dinner, and go to the church."    

I nod, and follow him back inside. I know he's right, and I know, he'll figure out a way to get this out into the open, but right now...I'm too damn mad to even think.    

How could anyone do something to hurt her? I may have made countless mistakes with her, but never, did I intend to cause her any pain.    

We get through dinner, without incident, and finally make our way to the church. After brief instructions, everyone takes their place, and we start rehearsing our every move for tomorrow night.    

As the other groomsmen and bridesmaids make their way down the aisle in front of us, Ally and I stand, with our arms linked, not saying a word to each other. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see her glance at me every few minutes, and I know she's just dying to say something.    

I don't think she's ever been able to just be quiet.    

"What are you so mad about?" She finally asks.    

"I'm just tired." I mumble, not taking my eyes off the front of the church.    

If I look at her, I know I'll break down, and tell her everything, and that just can't happen right now. Our problems have overshadowed this wedding, for way too long. I'm not about to cause any more issues.    

This wedding is going to be fucking perfect, and I'm going to make sure of it. I don't care what I have to do...nothing is going wrong tonight, or tomorrow.    

"Well...cheer up." She nudges me and smiles. "You're supposed to be the super happy best man, right now."    

"You're right." I force a smile, and plant a kiss on the side of her head.    

"Of course I am." She giggles. "And don't think I'm letting that kiss slide. When we leave, I'm so kicking your ass."    

"Ally Lynn...what would your Mother say, if she heard you cussing in church?"    

She rolls her eyes, and smirks. "Anyway...I was thinking...Lauren and Trace aren't really taking a honeymoon, so maybe you and I, could chip in together, and send them on a trip?"    

"Yeah, that's not a bad idea. Get it all together, and let me know what you need."    

"Good." She nods as we begin our walk down the aisle. "You're a good guy, Justin."    

"Yeah...if you say so."    

"You are. Believe it or not, you and Charlie are a lot alike."    

"Whatever you say, Al."    

I swallow the lump in my throat, and force yet another smile. She giggles, and rolls her eyes, before we each take our places. Her, beside Lauren, and me, beside Trace. The preacher begins his sermon, and all I can do, is stare at her.    

For the first time, since all of our bullshit started, she looks genuinely happy. How am I supposed to tell her about Charlie, when I know it's just going to hurt her? I love this woman, how can I look at her, and put her through even more shit?    

I'd love to keep this to myself, and spare her feelings, even if it's just for a little while, but I know I can't.    

In a roundabout way, I got exactly what I wanted.     

Charlie is the bastard, I've always known he was. Johnny's getting Ally out of the production department. Everything is in place, for me to come to her rescue.    

It's everything I wanted, but at the same time...it's not.    

She smiles brightly at me, and I try my best, to do the same.    

Trace is right. I need to just calm down, and keep my mouth shut the next two days. Two days. It'll be cake. I can do this.    

***************************************************    

"Justin...you awake?"    

My bedroom door creaks open slowly, and I mumble out a reply. I've been semi-conscious since I got home, so being woken up isn't that big of a deal.    

On the way home from church, Trace and I decided that we weren't going to say a word about what Johnny told us, until after the wedding. So, as soon as we walked in the house, we both went straight to bed. Which, is probably a good idea in the long run, since we have to be up fairly early tomorrow.    

The girls are supposed to be staying at a hotel with our parents, so I haven't got a clue, what Ally's doing here at almost midnight.     

"Justin...wake up!" She whispers harshly and shakes my arm.   

 I sit up slowly, and rub my face a few times before flipping on the light by my bed. "Al..what the hell are you doing here?"    

"Lauren sent me to get some stuff, and I wanted to talk to you."    

"Can't we just talk tomorrow? I'm kinda tired."    

"Nope. I want to know why you were acting so weird tonight."    

I roll my eyes, and give her a stupid look. "I told you. I'm tired."    

"Don't lie to me."    

"Al...seriously...why does it matter? It's fucking midnight. We've all got a long ass day ahead of us. Go back to the hotel, and get some sleep."    

"It's about me and Charlie, isn't it?"    

I freeze at her question, and take a deep breath. The perfect opportunity to tell her, is staring me straight in the face. But, I can't do it. I made a promise to Trace, and I'm going to keep it.         

She sighs, and plops down on the bed next to me. "Justin, I'm sorry. I know we aren't exactly on good terms, and we're supposed to be figuring this whole thing out...but, I really like him. And he's just...he's so sweet, and I really want to see what happens. I feel so guilty and I just..."    

"Al...it's fine." I quickly interrupt her.     

If she keeps going on about how great that fucker is, I know I won't be able to keep my mouth shut.     

"Really...I just want you to be happy. We're cool."    

"I really wish we would have worked." She says quietly as she wraps her arms around my middle, and rests her head on my shoulder.     

"It still could, ya know."    

"Justin..." She sighs and looks up at me.    

I can't take this anymore. I need her. Why the hell can't she see that? I know I messed up, but we could put it all behind us, and start over. What we had was amazing, and I still think we could bounce back from the stupid shit that happened.  She has to know that.    

I press my lips to hers, and quickly pull back. Her eyes widen a bit, but the look on her face, completely gives her away.         

She knows I'm right.    

I kiss her again, this time, allowing my tongue to slip inside her mouth.    

I miss this. I miss having her in my arms. I miss the way she wraps her arms around my neck, the feel of her lips on mine, the way she tastes, the way she smells. I just miss her.    

How can she be around me, and not feel every bit of what I'm feeling? We're supposed to be together, and she keeps ignoring it.     

She pushes me away and frowns. "We're not doing this again. I fell for it in Memphis, but it's not happening again." She stands up, and heads for the door, and that's when it hits me.    

Trace was right. She thinks I went to Memphis, just to sleep with her.    

"That wasn't what that was, and you know it."    

She whirls around to look at me, and there's nothing but anger on her face. "What was it, Justin? Because, all I know is that you just left."    

"I had a fucking plane to catch!" I hop out of bed, and move to stand in front of her. "Maybe I should have gotten you up or something, but I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry Ally...I'm sorry I'm a fucking idiot, and I'm sorry that I don't know how to do anything right with you. You make me so damn nervous, I can't even see straight sometimes. I love you, more than I ever thought possible, and it scares the hell out of me. And I just..I freak out, and I don't know what I'm doing."    

"You don't have to work so hard, you know. You didn't have to propose. You didn't have to get all weirded out about Charlie. I wasn't going anywhere, Justin. I didn't want or need anything else. I don't know how to make you understand that. You don't have to be nervous, or worry about what I think. I wanted you, exactly how you were...ego trips and all."    

I can't help but laugh and shake my head. She's right. She's so completely right.  She didn't need a ring. She didn't need me to constantly dote on her.  She just needed me.    

"But, it's too late now. I'm not going to walk away from Charlie, just because you've finally decided to come to your senses, Justin. I love you...but we both know it just won't work. I think we both just need to move on."    

"Ally...come on..."    

"I better go." She forces a smile, and opens the door. "I'll see you at church." She steps out of my bedroom, and it's a matter of seconds before her car starts, and she pulls out of the driveway.    

I slam the door shut, and crawl back into bed. Part of me knows, I should have told her. I should have said fuck Trace, and his wedding, and just told her the truth...but I just couldn't do it.    

I guess it's just more proof that I can't do a God damn thing right when it comes to that girl.    

But, when the shit hits the fan...I'm going to turn it around. I'm going to be there for her, and hopefully...she'll wake up and realize everything that I've been trying to tell her.    

I know where I screwed up, and I'll be more than happy, to spend the rest of my life making it up to her, if she'll let me.

"If She Couldn't Sleep"-Blessid Union Of Souls

When I'm looking back
How we were young and stupid
Do you remember that?
No matter how I fight it
Can't deny it
Just can't let you go
I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you    

Sudden pounding on the door to my hotel room, pulls me out of a sound sleep, and I quickly stumble to the door. Somebody better be dead, or seriously injured. It's just nearing seven a.m, and there is no reason for me to be up this early.    

I open the door, and resist the urge to gag at the sight of Lauren, freshly showered, and giddy as ever.    

"Guess what today is!" She says excitedly, practically bouncing where she stands.    

"Gee, Laur....I don't have a clue." I roll my eyes and retreat to my bed. She's lost her damn mind, if she thinks I'm getting up this early.    

"Come on, Al....you have you get up. We've got a ton of stuff to do."    

"Such as?"    

"Hair and nail appointments...I need to practice my vows. We have to get dressed, and Leigh has to do everybody's make up. We have to get to the church before the boys do, because Trace is not seeing me until the ceremony..." She continues to ramble from her mental list, and I can feel myself losing focus.    

I knew I shouldn't have gone to get her stupid make up bag, so late. Of course, it wouldn't have taken half as long, if I would have kept my nose out of Justin's business.     

He had me really worried last night. One minute, he was fine, and the next, he looked like he was about ready to explode.    

Maybe it's just my conscience coming back to bite me in the ass.  I really like Charlie, but I'd be lying through my teeth, if I said I didn't have feelings for Justin.     

But, over the last couple months, I've come to realize that it's just not going to work. Maybe we're just too different, or it's just not meant to happen. Either way, I think we both need to go on with our lives, and try to rebuild our friendship.    

I know, it may be too soon for me to be dating, but it just kind of happened. Charlie is just so sweet, and I think there's a possibility that we could have something really great.    

Maybe I should have waited until Justin's tour started, before I got involved with anyone, but how long can I put my life on hold, for him? How long am I supposed to wait, for him to grow up?        

Granted, he does seem to be slowly improving, and last night he was so completely honest with me...but what if it's an act? How do I know it's not just Justin, trying to get his way?    

You know what...I'm done thinking about this stuff for today. I can feel a migraine building up, and that is the last thing I need.    

I'm going to throw myself into this maid of honor thing, and just enjoy this. It's not everyday that two of your best friends get married.    

"Alright...let me get a shower, and we'll get going, ok?"    

"Thank you! I'll be back in 20." Lauren virtually skips out of the room, and all I can do is laugh at her.    

I guess, if I'd been waiting for this day my entire life, I'd probably be just as excited as she is.     

I shower as quickly as possible and throw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. As promised, Lauren is at the door, twenty minutes later, and we head down to the lobby to meet the other bridesmaids, and our Mothers.    

I feel kind of weird about all of this. The other five bridesmaids, consist of Lauren's two sisters, Trace's cousin, Ashley, and two of Lauren's friends from high school, Jessica and Paige.    

They're all just as girly as Lauren, so I feel slightly out of place. They're all damn near jumping up and down at the thought of being pampered all day, and I just want to get it over with.    

"Don't worry sweetie...I'm not all that thrilled either." Lynn smiles, as she throws an arm around my shoulders.    

Even my own Mother, is right in the middle of the action, discussing eye shadow with Trace's mom.    

If I ever had to pick someone else to be my Mom, I'd definitely pick Lynn. I've always kind of seen her, as being incredibly strong. For over ten years, she raised Justin pretty much on her own. She put him in all of those auditions, got him on the Mickey Mouse Club, encouraged him when the group first started.    

It takes a lot of strength to face all of that on your own. Especially when you're sacrificing your entire life, for a kid like Justin, who was an absolute terror.  He was so spoiled and self centered as a child, and obviously...not much has changed.    

But, through it all...Lynn never worried. She never broke down. She put on a brave face, no matter how rough things got, and she just kept going.    

Who wouldn't want to be like that?    

"So, miss Ally...I hear the love life is on the upswing again." She smiles, but I'm a little nervous.    

I have trouble talking to my Mom about boyfriends, and dating, and Lynn is no different. And, when you consider that fact that her son falls into that category...it brings a whole new meaning to the word awkward.    

"Yeah, maybe." I shrug. Maybe, if I keep my answer vague, it won't be too weird, and she'll lose interest.    

"That's good." She nods and looks me dead in the eyes. "Believe me...I wanted you and Justin to work, probably more than anybody, but I know how he can be. But, at the end of the day...I just want to see all of you kids happy."     

I smile, and thank her, before we all climb into our cars to head to the nail salon.    

In a way, I feel like Justin and I let everyone down. They all had their hearts so set on the two of us taking this thing all the way, and it's like all anybody can say anymore, is how they wish it would have worked out.    

If they're disappointed, how the hell do they think I feel?     

I put everything into my relationship with Justin, and I've never done that with anyone. I've had a few relationships, that you'd call serious, but they didn't even compare to what I had with Justin.    

With him...I just wanted him around, all the time. When he wasn't here, I could barely function. He made me so insanely happy. I had my best friend, and boyfriend, rolled into one and it was amazing. Those first few months were just...perfect.     

I was so convinced that eventually, we'd take the same steps Lauren and Trace did, but the weirder Justin got, the harder it was to see that future. I thought it would pass. I figured he'd get it out of his system, and everything would go back to normal.     

When his schedule started to pick up, he just got worse.    

And, that damn proposal.    

That destroyed everything, as far as I'm concerned. And the worst part about it...if he'd done it at the right time, and for the right reasons...I would have said yes, with no hesitation.    

"What are you getting, Al?" Lauren asks suddenly.    

I really need to focus. I didn't even realize we were here, and I drove.     

"Oh...umm...french tips...squared off." I rattle off my usual choice of acrylic nails, and follow the short woman to her station. Lauren is seated at the station next to me, and I'm sure she's going to grill me about Justin or Charlie.    

Hell, knowing Laur..she'll probably ask about both of them.    

"So..." She smiles and looks over at me. "For your hair...I'm thinking we'll leave it down, and curl the ends a little, so it does that whole wavy thing. That always looks so good on you."    

"Whatever you say, bridezilla." I smirk as she sticks her tongue out at me.    

"I happen to think, I've been super nice, through all of this. Thank you very much."    

"Yeah, you have." I nod slowly.    

The guilt I've felt about how I've treated Lauren the last few months, is creeping back, and suddenly, I'm amazed I'm even here.    

If I was her, I probably would have been done with my sorry ass, a long time ago. I guess it just goes to show that Lauren is a much better person than I am.    

"I don't know how you didn't strangle me."        

She giggles and rolls her eyes. "Oh, I wanted to. Several times. But, I knew you were going through alot, and I didn't want to make it worse."    

"I'm really going to miss having you around all the time."    

"Don't even start with that." She says seriously, and shakes her head. "I don't want to think about moving until I absolutely have to."    

As much as she hates L.A, I know she's going to have a really hard time leaving. We've all been together practically our whole lives, and now, we'll be thousands of miles apart. It's going to be really hard on all of us.    

If I could do it, I'd probably pack up all my things, and hightail it to Tennessee with them.     

While Justin's on the road, I'm going to be in that big ass house alone, and I'm not looking forward to it, in the least.     

I've grown to love the constant chatter, the phone ringing off the hook, Trace's stupid jokes, Lauren's babbling, and Justin's...well...just Justin, in general. But that's a whole other story.    

I'm going to miss all three of them, like crazy. I honestly don't know how I'm going to stay sane in that house, without them.     

"Al...sometime this morning, can you run over to the church, and the reception hall, and make sure everything looks alright?"    

"Yeah, sure."    

I've got a funny feeling, my entire day is going to be spent running around like a crazy person. But, it's ok...Lauren deserves to have the best wedding in the world, and if running myself ragged, is what it takes...I'm perfectly ok with that.

***************************************    

I make my way over to the church around 11:30, and as soon as I step inside, I can feel my jaw immediately drop. It's absolutely gorgeous. It's exactly what Lauren wanted, and I won't be surprised of she actually cries, when she sees it.     

A long white sheet covers the floor of the aisle, with white and pale lavender rose petals scattered all over. Each pew has sheer lavender fabric draped over the ends, while a bouquet of orchids and lilies hold the fabric in place. There's several large vases at the front of the church, all filled with the same flowers, and I can't help but smile.    

It's actually kind of cool to know, that I helped make this possible. It stressed me out beyond belief, and at the time, I wished I would have said no, but seeing the finished product definitely makes it all worth it.    

"Pretty cool, huh?" I jump at the sound of that familiar voice, and quickly turn to face him.    

"What are you doing here?"    

"Checking up on everything for Trace..avoiding getting my hair cut." He shrugs and shoves his hands in his pockets. "What about you?"
    

"Kinda the same...minus the hair cut." I chuckle awkwardly. "You could definitely use one though."        

He sticks his tongue out at me and I can't help the laugh that escapes.  He really does need a haircut. It's just getting to this really weird stage, where it curls all over, and starts to poof out slightly. I've never been a big fan of it, but I don't really care for his head shaved, either.    

I'd have to say, he looks his best when it's just slightly grown out, and you can just barely make out the curls. That's normally how he keeps it, so I don't know why he's let it get this long. I'm sure it's driving him crazy.    

"Yeah, I'll go...some time today. I've got a few more things to do first. I'm actually about to head over to the hall...you been there yet?"    

"No, but I need to swing past there. If you want to skip it, I can call and let you know how it looks, so you can tell Trace."    

"Nah, it's cool. You wanna ride over there with me?" He asks as we make our way out of the church.    

"Yeah, sure." I shrug and follow him to the escalade.     

After last night, I was kind of expecting him to pout, and spend the day ignoring me. That's his customary routine, when he doesn't get his way. I guess maybe he is finally realizing what a pain in the ass he can be, and he's trying to change it.     

I'm definitely not complaining. If he's going to be normal today, everything will go much smoother.     

"So, Al..." He says, once we're finally on the road. He turns the radio down, and glances at me quickly. "We're still friends, right?"    

"Yes, Justin." I sigh and roll my eyes. "We're still friends." So much for normal Justin, I guess.    

"So we can be totally honest with each other, right?"    

"Justin...everything's fine. As long as you're ok with me and Charlie...we're good."    

"Alright. Just making sure." He smiles. "Any possibility, you'd ever come back, and be my PA?"    

"That's not really up to me." I shrug. "I go pretty much wherever Johnny tells me to."    

"Yeah, but...let's say I asked you to come back. Would you?" He looks over at me, and begins to gnaw on his bottom lip.    

I don't know what he's getting at, or why he's even bringing this up. Johnny is working on finding him an assistant, probably one who's better qualified than I ever was. This doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Unless, he's just worried about having someone new around.    

Justin prefers to be surrounded by people he knows, and can trust. Really...you can't blame him. Anyone who works that closely with him, is going to see and hear things that the media would love to get their hands on. He has to know that the people around him, won't sell him out.    

I think that's why it worked so well when Lauren, Trace, and I were doing all of his bidding. He knew there was no way we'd ever betray him, no matter how much money someone threw at us.    

"Are you asking me to come back?"    

"Depends on your answer, I guess." He chuckles nervously.    

"I don't know, Justin. I really like working for Charlie. And, if I stick it out with him for awhile, I could really get somewhere, ya know?"    

"Yeah...that's cool. I was just trying to make it easier."
    

"Make what easier?"
    

"Oh...uhh...nothing. We're here." He shuts off the ignition, and quickly climbs out of the truck.    

What the hell? Did he take crazy pills today, or something? None of that conversation made any damn sense.    

Unless...he knows something I don't.    

I hadn't even really thought about it until now, but...what if Johnny found out about me and Charlie? What if I'm about to get fired, and Justin's trying to stop it?    

Damnit. I knew I should have told Johnny right away.    

I was smart with Justin. I went straight to Johnny, and handed in my resignation.  But, this time around, I wasn't ready to give up my job so easily. I really love what I'm doing, and I can't see a relationship interfering with how Charlie and I work together.    

With Justin...I know it would have.    

He would have used the fact that I was his PA, and girlfriend, to his advantage. He'd have me cancel interviews, or get distracted by the fact that I was around all the time. It would have been a nightmare.    

Maybe I'll talk to Johnny tonight. Just, tell him the truth and suffer the consequences...whatever they may be.    

"Fuck...Ally...this is bad." Justin mutters as we enter the hall.    

All of the decorations Lauren had dropped off yesterday, are still in their boxes, stacked in the corner. Not a single table is covered, and the DJ is just setting up his table.    

"Hey man...is there anybody else here?"    

The DJ looks at us strangely, and shakes his head. "Just me, bro."    

"Thanks." Justin turns back to me, and frowns. "You wanna call Laur?"    

"Are you kidding? She'll freak."    

"Trace?"
    

"No." I groan and roll my eyes. Then, it dawns on me.    

How hard can putting this stuff up, really be? Throw out the tablecloths, set up the centerpieces, drape the fabric on some stuff...it's nothing, right?    

"We'll do it." I say, and make my way over to the boxes.    

"Yeah, Al. Cause we know what the fuck we're doing." Justin rolls his eyes and makes a face at me. "I'll call Trace. He can bitch somebody out, and they can come do it."    

"Justin...I planned half of this damn wedding, in case you forgot. I know what Lauren wants. It won't take that long. Quit bitching, and help me."    

"Fine...but if Lauren throws a shit fit, I wasn't here."    

"Great attitude, Justin." I roll my eyes and start sifting through the boxes.    

He mumbles something that sounds like, "Kiss my ass", but I'm going to ignore it.  I'm in a good mood, and he's not going to ruin it.     

"What the hell do I do with this?" He holds up several pieces of fabric and looks at them, like they just burned his hands.     

"Just put these on the tables." I shove the bags of tablecloths in his hands, and grab the fabric.     

I'm not quite sure what to do with this shit either, but I'm not about to let him know that. I guess I could figure out a way to twist them together, and use them on the tables, or find a way to hang them on the walls.    

Maybe this decorating thing isn't going to be as easy as I thought.    

"Remember, back in the day when me and Trace used to use stuff like this as a cape, and jump out of our tree house?" I look over at Justin, and giggle. He's taken one of the tablecloths and tied it around his neck, making a perfect cape.     

"Yeah. I knew then, that you were both retarded." I smirk as he flips me off.    

This is what I miss the most. I miss being able to joke around with him. I miss how relaxed he used to be, around me. All of the things that I miss, are the reasons I fell in love with him.    

I just wish the rest of the world could see this side of him. The side that doesn't stress about money, or album sales, or what his fans think. People may love the cocky, womanizing pop star Justin...but I prefer laid back, goofy Justin. Always have.    

"Oh hell yes!" He shouts suddenly.     

The DJ has been testing his equipment for the last 45 minutes or so, and for the most part, I've ignored it. Justin, however, has been singing along to almost every single song.  And now...there's no hope of getting him to stop.    

"I'm so in love with you...whatever you want to do...it's alright with me...cause you, make me feel, so brand new...I want to spend my life with you..."    

Even when we were kids, he had this strange obsession with Al Green. He would spend hours, holed up in his room, belting out the words to every Al Green song. He knew he was honing his craft. We all just thought he was nuts.    

"Baby, let's...let's stay together...loving you whether, whether times are good, or bad, happy or sad..."    

He grabs me by the hips, and forces me to move to the music with him, while he sings along.     

He really doesn't get enough credit for his voice. It's so smooth and clear, but when he goes into his lower register, it takes on this raspy quality that is undeniably sexy.    

He started out a safe distance away, but with each move, he slides closer to me, and before I know it, he's pressed against me, his hands guiding my hips to the music.  I would love to know, who taught him all of his little tricks to get women eating out of the palm of his hand. There's just no way he's this naturally charming.    

"Ya know...I'm probably gonna kiss you." He smirks.    

My brain is telling me to push him away, and get back to work, but my body seems to have it's own agenda. I can deny, and fight it all I want...but I love him. It doesn't matter if I'm dating someone else, or if the stupid things he does, drive me crazy...I love him, and I doubt that's ever going to change.    

I don't know why I'm being so stubborn about this. It would be so easy, to just blow Charlie off, and be with Justin. I just...the timing isn't right. I think we both need to do some growing up before we can be together again.    

"I don't think that's a good idea."    

"Why not?" He's so close now, I can feel his breath on my face, and every last bit of my willpower is fading.     

Screw it...I don't care. I don't care if this makes things weird. I don't care if he's still incredibly immature. I don't care that the DJ is just a few feet away. I wouldn't even care if Charlie, or Johnny walked in here, and caught us.     

My lips crash against his, and I can't even think straight anymore. The only thing I can focus on is him, and the way it feels to have him kiss me again.     

My phone starts to ring loudly, and I quickly pull away from Justin, and dig it out of my pocket. I glance at the caller ID, and roll my eyes.    

It fucking figures.    

I swear, someone is seriously out to get me. I flip it open, and muster up the least guilty voice I can manage.    

"Hey, Charlie." Justin rolls his eyes, and walks away to finish laying out the centerpieces, that damn tablecloth still tied around his neck.    

"Hey, I just wanted to get our plans straight for tonight."    

"Oh...umm...well, I have to be at the church at four, and the ceremony starts at six."    

"Alrighty. I'll see you around six, then."    

"Ok...can't wait."    

"Later, Al." I snap the phone shut, and shove it back in my pocket.    

Justin has his back to me, but I'm sure he's not happy. I can just see the frown on his face.     

I know, I've got myself in a really stupid situation, but in my defense, I have no commitment to either of them. I'm not saying that makes it right, but I'm not some cheating slut.    

I need to sit down, and figure out exactly what I want, but it's going to have to wait. This wedding, is much more important.

*****************************    

I glare at my reflection for the millionth time, and scrutinize everything, from the way my hair is laying, to the height of my stilettos.         

My feet already ache, and I can hardly breathe in this dress...but I look fucking fantastic. I swear, I'm not trying to sound cocky. In fact, I rarely pay attention to my appearance, unless I'm out somewhere for work, but I'm really impressed with myself right now.    

My hair is curled at the ends a little, and laying in long waves, just like Lauren wanted. The woman at the salon decided that wasn't enough though. I'm not quite sure what she did, but it involved enough mousse and hairspray to completely destroy the ozone layer. However, it's worth it. It's given my hair a little extra volume. I was a little skeptical at first, but I absolutely love it.     

Leighanne did my make-up, beautifully. Somehow, she found eye shadow, the exact same shade as the bridesmaids dresses. She applied a heavy coat of the lavender, then used a silvery shade over top of it, giving my eyes this really cool shimmery effect.     

I, of course, had to pack on a fair amount of black eye liner, which is usually the only make-up I wear. Leigh wasn't too pleased, but it made me feel atleast semi-normal.    

Then....there's the dress.

Even though I went through absolute hell with this thing, it's kind of grown on me. It's the same pale shade of lavender, Lauren picked out all those months ago, but mine is just a little different than everyone else's. Apparently being maid of honor, means you get a special dress. Go figure.    

The other bridesmaids all have rounded scoop neck, sleeveless dresses, while mine is a halter, with a thin black sash tied around my waist.     

It really is a gorgeous dress, but with it being thin silk, it's a little on the chilly side, but I'll survive. What the bride wants, the bride gets.     

"Well...what'da ya think?" Lauren smiles shyly as she enters the room. I turn to face her, and I almost can't believe what I'm seeing.     

It sounds cheesy, but words can't even describe how amazing my best friend looks right now.     

Her hair is pulled back into a neat bun, and her make-up is fairly simple. Lauren has always gone for that kind of natural look, and Leighanne nailed it right on the head today. Her dress is practically snow white, and strapless, with a bell skirt and ridiculously long train.    

I can feel tears starting to form, and I have to shake my head a few times. I am so not the sentimental, or emotional type...but I can already tell, the water works will be in full effect today.    

"Lauren....wow."     

"Don't you dare start crying...if you ruin your make-up, I'm kicking your ass." She grins and wraps me in a tight hug. "God...can you believe this?"    

"No...I mean...I just...it's so weird."
    

"Tell me about it." She giggles and plops down in a chair. "We've got about ten minutes or so....can you go check on him?"
    

"Of course." I grin and step out of the room.    

I head down the small hallway, and stop in front of the room the boys are in. I knock softly, then open the door, biting back a laugh at the sight in front of me.    

Justin and Trace are seated indian style on the floor across from each other, a bottle of Jack in between them. They each have a shot glass in hand, and the only thing I can think, is that Lauren would murder them if she knew they were drinking before the ceremony.    

"Shit, Ally...close the fucking door!" Trace whispers harshly and rolls his eyes. "Damn women."    

I arch an eyebrow at him, before easing into a chair. "What the hell are you two doing?"    

"I'm trying to calm his stupid, short ass down...he's been wigging out since we got here." Justin giggles.     

"If you were about to sign your life away to some damn woman, you'd be freaking the fuck out too!"        

"Just take the shot already...stop acting like a girl." Justin rolls his eyes and raises the glass to his lips. "On three..."    

"How much time do I have?" Trace asks suddenly.     

"About five minutes."     

"Shit..." He rolls his eyes, takes a deep breath, and downs the shot quickly. He and Justin both make disgusted faces, before erupting into a fit of giggles.     

"Alright...if you two are finished..." I stand up and head for the door. They help each other up, and are right on my heels.     

"Well...this is it." Trace smiles nervously. He and Justin do some awkward, male bonding, hand shake/hug thing, then Trace turns to me.     

"Good luck, midget." I grin and give him a quick hug. He takes another deep breath, then heads into the church, his hands shaking all the way.     

Justin and I watch him silently, then the other groomsmen and bridesmaids filter into the hallway. Lauren steps out of her room, followed by her Mother and Father. Her Mom straightens her veil, kisses her on the cheek, then hurries into the church. Her dad links his arm with hers, and we all form the line, we'd practiced during the rehearsal dinner.     

Justin looks over at me, and smiles excitedly, and all I can do is giggle. As we make that trip up the aisle, suddenly...all of our memories are flooding my mind.    

The time Trace fell off the monkey bars at school, and broke his arm. When Lauren and I, attempted to dye her platinum blonde hair, red, and it turned orange. The day Justin left to join the group. The night I flew half way across the country to see him, when he caught Britney cheating. Lauren and Trace's engagement party. The night Justin and I got together.    

The last 25 years, are racing through my mind, but there's one constant there...the four of us, together.    

As we reach the alter, Justin moves to stand beside Trace, and I go to Lauren's side. I go through the motions during the ceremony, but the only thing I can concentrate on, is him. The way he looks at Trace, and smiles so proudly. How he'll glance at me, every few minutes.    

I can't help but giggle, when the preacher asks for the rings, and Justin has to fish around in the pocket of his tux, for Lauren's ring. The entire church settles into a quiet laughter, and Justin's face is getting redder by the second. He finally produces the ring, and smiles sheepishly. Could he be any more adorable?    

Why am I putting myself through this? By not being with him, I'm just hurting myself. My pride is getting in the way, of the one thing I want the most, and it's so stupid.     

I just...I want him, and only him.     

But, how am I supposed to just walk away from a man, who's been nothing but sweet to me? I can't ignore the fact that I do have feelings for Charlie, but...he just...he isn't Justin.      

"Ladies and gentlemen...I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Trace Ayala." The preacher smiles at the two of them, as they make their way down the aisle, hand in hand.    

I glance over at Justin, and suddenly...all I feel is regret. Maybe...maybe, I should have said yes when he proposed.        

His eyes lock with mine, and I know exactly what I need to do. I need to stop being stubborn and proud and just...I need to wake up, because if I don't...someone better for him, could come along, and I'll just be a memory.    

For the first time in my life...I have two amazing men around, and I haven't got a clue what the hell to do about either of them.

"I Still"-Backstreet Boys

"Let's Stay Together"-Al Green

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible
    
        

The chicken dance.    

I, Justin Timberlake, world renowned musician and dancer, am in a huge circle, surrounded by my family and friends....doing the fucking chicken dance.    

When I get married, I'm banning this shit. I mean, seriously...has anybody ever sat back and watched a group of people do this? It's got to be the dumbest looking thing in the whole damn world.    

Although, I'm sure with a little more liquor in my system, I'll be ready for the electric slide, next. And that rates pretty high on the lame scale, too.    

The whole day has just been...unreal. Lauren and Trace are finally married, and I can't hardly believe it. I mean, I couldn't be happier for them, but it's so weird. I guess it's just hard to believe that we're old enough to be settling down like this.  I gotta admit, seeing them so happy, really makes me wish Ally and I would have been ready.     

She's been confusing the hell out of me, all day. This afternoon was...it was amazing. For the first time, I felt like I was really on my way to getting her back. Even during the ceremony, I caught her staring at me every few minutes, but since we got here...she's barely said two words to me. It's all about Charlie, right now.    

I'm kind of wishing we could just cut the cake, and do all of the other traditional wedding garbage, so I can get the hell out of here.    

I just...how am I supposed to watch her flirt with him, and giggle at his stupid jokes...when I know, the bastard is married? Johnny isn't here yet, and I'm a little worried about what's going to happen when he does show up.     

He pretty much refused to believe me, or Trace, but when he sees the two of them together, there's no way he can ignore it.  Anybody could look at them right now, and know there's something there.    

They're seated at the wedding party table, Charlie's arm is draped over the back of Ally's chair, and she's leaning into him, a huge smile plastered on her face.    

I don't get it.    

How does she go from spending all day flirting with me...even fucking kissing me, but at the sight of that guy, it's like I don't exist?   Maybe I am just fighting a losing battle.    

I make my way over to the open bar, and order another Jack and Coke. It's going to take a good amount of alcohol to get through the rest of this night.  

Trace walks up behind me and pats me on the back. He's been grinning from ear to ear since we left the church, and I don't see any sign of that stopping. I almost can't wait to see how the pictures turn out...just so he can see how goofy he looks.    

"How ya holding up?" He asks as the bartender hands him a beer.    

I shrug and gulp down the rest of my drink, before I order another. "Could be better...could be worse."    

He smiles sadly, and nods. "It probably doesn't mean much, but I appreciate you staying cool about everything tonight."    

"It's all good." I shrug as we find a place to stand, close enough to the bar, but far away enough so that no one can hear us talking.    

For the millionth time today, I catch Ally staring at me, but when my eyes meet hers, she quickly looks away, and smiles at something Charlie just said.    

Almost on cue, Johnny and his wife stroll into the reception hall, and I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat.  They make a beeline for Lauren, and spend several minutes congratulating her, before Johnny's wife wanders off, and he heads my way.        

"Well...this should be nice and awkward." Trace chuckles and rolls his eyes.     

Johnny smiles proudly when he reaches us, and shakes Trace's hand. "Congratulations, kid."    

"Thanks man. Glad you could make it."    

"Oh, I couldn't miss this. It had to be seen to be believed." Johnny laughs and shakes his head. "You guys are making me feel like an old man."    

Johnny and Trace go back and forth for awhile, and I can feel my nerves quickly building up. I almost feel bad for Charlie. A pissed off Johnny Wright, is not a pleasant experience, and I'm sure Charlie's in for an ear full. I've been on the receiving end of Johnny's lectures more times than I care to count, and he always manages to make you feel about two feet tall, no matter what he's bitching at you about.    

Don't get me wrong...he's a great guy, and he's definitely someone you want, to have your back. He just...he has really high expectations, and he doesn't take any shit from anybody.    

He finally looks over toward the table, spotting Ally and Charlie. His eyes widen a bit, and a deep frown settles on his face, before he turns to look at Trace and I.    

Fuck.    

"You two were serious." He says more to himself, than us.    

Trace and I nod slowly, and Johnny marches off to the table. He whispers something to Charlie, who quickly stands up and follows him to an isolated corner. I haven't got a clue what they're saying, but their conversation gets heated pretty quick. Johnny is waving his arms around, and shaking his head angrily.    

Charlie doesn't seem to be backing down though. His eyes are set into an intense stare, and it looks like he's talking a mile a minute. Johnny's back is to me, but I can just picture the seething look on his face.    

Almost out of nowhere, Charlie breaks into a wide grin, and the next thing I know, he's full on laughing.    

What the hell is going on?    

The two of them start to walk back to the table, and they're both laughing their asses off. I don't get it. This isn't what's supposed to happen.    

Johnny was supposed to freak out...fire the douche bag...yell...scream...something. Anything but fucking laugh.    

How is adultery funny?    

"Dude, what the fuck?" Trace asks as he watches the entire exchange.     

"I don't know." I mutter and stalk back to the bar.     

I don't know what's going on, but I know that I don't like it.    

I am going to tell Ally everything, before this night is over.  

************************************    

"Alright, single ladies...you know what time it is!"  The DJ shouts into his mic.    

Damn near every woman in the place, jumps out of her seat, drops whatever she was doing, and flies out to the dancer floor. It's like, a stampede of desperate, single women.    

Lauren steps up on the small stage, and giggles as she waves her bouquet in the air.     

"Alright, ladies...let's keep it clean. No hair pulling, or any of that crazy stuff." The DJ chuckles.    

Several girls are already shoving and elbowing each other. I'm sure it's just a matter of time, before this turns into an all out brawl. Ally is right in the middle of the crowd, laughing with Trace's cousin, Ashley.     

Lauren turns her back to them, and the DJ slowly counts down from five. Lauren fakes a few throws, before she finally launches the bouquet in the air, and just as I suspected...every chick here, goes nuts.    

They're clawing and fighting, trying desperately to grab those damn flowers. Girls are fucking crazy.     

A few of them fall to the ground, still scrambling around, trying to get their hands on the bouquet, but one girl already has a firm grip on it. She carefully steps over the others, and laughs.    

I should have known it'd be her.    

"Well...looks like the maid of honor beat y'all to it." The DJ laughs, and points at the women still on the floor.     

Lauren hops off the stage, and heads straight for Ally, both of them giggling like crazy. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised, if those two planned the whole thing.     

"Now, that's interesting." Trace smirks, before heading to the floor, as the DJ calls all of the guys out. He grabs a chair, sets it in the middle of the floor, and Lauren quickly sits down.    

She pulls her skirt up, exposing her leg, as Trace bends down in front of her. He hams it up a little, before finally pulling the garter off. He swings it around his finger a few times, and hops up on the stage.     

A majority of the guys here, file out onto the floor, myself included.     

Hey...it's tradition, and as the best man...it's my duty to participate. It has nothing to do with wanting to be the one sliding that garter on Ally's leg.    

Ok...I lied. It has everything to do with it. I don't care what I have to do. I'm catching that damn garter.    

I look over to my left, and roll my eyes, when I spot Charlie, laughing loudly with Ally's youngest brother. I wonder if her family would think he's so fucking great, if they knew the truth.    

Trace starts to babble about something from his spot on the stage, before he finally sling shots the garter above our heads. Just like the girls...every guy is trying to grab it.     

As the thin strip of lacy black fabric, falls to the floor, I reach for it, and just barely miss it. I try to dive for it, but Trace's alcoholic uncle, Dave, violently shoves me out of his way, and the next thing I know, I'm flat on my ass, on the floor.    

As I go to stand up, I realize some of the guys have cleared out, and it's too late. Somebody got the garter...and it definitely wasn't me.    

Trace quickly jumps down from the stages, and waves his way over to the winner, and the sudden urge to put my fist through a wall, takes over.    

Of fucking course. How did I not see this coming?    

Is there anything this guy isn't going to take away from me? I mean seriously...my assistant..my girlfriend...my best friend...my manager. What's next? My fucking house?    

Ally takes her place in the chair in the middle of the floor, and hikes her dress up above the middle of her thigh. Charlie smirks at her, before he drops to his knees in front of her. Naturally, the DJ has to put on some overly romantic music.    

Am I really that bad of a guy? Do I really deserve this shit?    

Charlie slips the garter around her ankle, and takes his time sliding it up her leg. He's practically molesting her, but all anybody can do is laugh, and talk about what a cute couple they make.    

Once the garter is on Ally's thigh, she jumps up from her seat, wraps her arms around Charlie's neck, and plants her lips on his.    

Excuse me while I gag.    

That's supposed to be me out there. He's supposed to be in my shoes...realizing that maybe, he's never going to get the girl. Better yet...he should go home to his fucking wife.    

"Man...where the hell were you? I was gonna throw it to you." Trace shoves me a little as he appears at my side.    

"Your drunk ass uncle knocked me down." I shrug. "It's not a big deal."
    

Trace frowns, and rolls his eyes. "If it's not a big deal, why are you pouting?"    

"I am not." I huff. "Look...since all the important shit's done, you care if I take off? I want to stay, but I just can't watch that shit anymore."    

"I don't care..but you better check with Laur."    

I nod, and head toward the table where Lauren is seated, chatting with her sisters. Ally and Charlie are a few feet away, but they're far too wrapped up in each other to pay attention to me. I walk up behind Lauren, slide my arms around her neck and rest my chin on her shoulder.    

"I'm gonna head out...that ok?"    

"You alright?"    

"Oh yeah, I'm fine. I've got rehearsals in the morning, and just wanna get some sleep."    

She giggles and shakes her head. "Oh yeah, you need all the dancing energy you can get. Get out of here." She slaps the side of my head playfully, and after a quick hug, I grab my suit jacket and head for the door.    

I feel awful for leaving early, but I just couldn't take it anymore. And, there's really no telling what I would have done, if I'd stayed, and kept drinking. I can almost guarantee, I would have been shooting my mouth off though.    

I just make it to my car, when I hear heels, on the pavement behind me. I don't even have to turn around to know who it is.    

This, is the part I hate. I try to walk away, and she always manages to pull me right back in.    

"Justin?" She calls out unsurely. I force the best smile I can, take a deep breath and turn to face her.    

"Something wrong, Al?"    

"Are you leaving?"
    

"Yeah. I've got rehearsals pretty early. Figured I should get some sleep."    

"Oh...ok." She nods slowly. "Well...I guess I'll see you at home then."     

She turns to leave, and against my better judgement...I call her back. I promised myself, I was going to tell her the truth, and damnit...I'm going to do it. It's not for me, and it's not because I'm trying to win her back. I'm telling her, for her own good.    

"There's something you need to know."    

"Uh...ok." She chuckles a little, and raises her eyebrows at me. "What's up?"    

"Look...I just...you know that I am completely, insanely in love with you. And, I would never do anything to hurt you in any way...and I just...he's so wrong for you, Al. You have to see that."    

"Justin, come on. Don't do this now."    

"Will you just listen?"
    

"No. I'm tired of hearing the same shit, over and over again. I thought maybe, you were growing up, and we could work this out...but you're still so hung up on Charlie."    

"Oh, so I shouldn't be hung up on it, when I have to watch you shove your tongue down the guys throat, after you spend the day all over my shit? You tell me, what I'm supposed to think...since you're the fucking expert."    

"I'm not doing this right now." She throws her arms in the air helplessly, and turns to head back into the hall.    

"He's married, Al."    

She stops dead in her tracks, and slowly turns back around. I can't tell what she's thinking, but based on the look on her face, it can't be good. Maybe I shouldn't have just blurted it out like that, but I didn't know what else to do.     

"Where did you hear that?" Her voice is calm, but I can clearly see her hands shaking.    

"Johnny told me. Trace and I told him you guys were dating and..."    

"You told Johnny?" She asks angrily.     

This is part of what I hate, about arguing with her. She never lets me finish a damn sentence, and she has to constantly cut me off.     

"Yeah, we..."
    

"Were you trying to get me fired?"    

"No, it wasn't like that, at all. I was just..."
    

"Look...I know you've had an issue with Charlie from day one, but I never thought you'd go this low, Justin. First...you go to Johnny, deliberately trying to get one of us, if not both, into some major shit. And now...you're flat out lying. What the hell has happened to you?"
    

"I knew it. I so fucking knew, you'd never believe it, if it came from me. I'll go get Trace. Will you listen to him? Nah...you know what? I'll do you one better...let's go ask Charlie."
    

"You can stop being a dick, any time."    

"Well...what do you expect me to be? You're calling me a fucking liar, when all I'm trying to do, is help you!"    

"Oh don't play innocent, Justin. Don't stand there and act like you don't have anything to gain, if this is true." She shakes her head and rolls her eyes. "Was this the big master plan? Dig up some dirt on Charlie, blind side me with it, and make yourself look like the knight in shining armor?"     

"No. I didn't want to see you get dicked around by some asshole. This isn't about me, Ally. I'm trying to protect you!"    

As luck would have it, Charlie picks now, to come looking for Ally. I'd love nothing more than to knock him the fuck out, but I'll play it cool, for now. Ally seems to be listening to me, and I'm not going to screw that up, by acting like a jackass.    

"Everything ok?" Charlie looks between the two of us and smiles awkwardly.    

"Are you fucking married?"   

Damn. Now, there is my Ally. Completely to the point, no bullshit involved. I've always loved that about her. Charlie's mouth is hanging wide open, and Ally is glaring at him, arms folded over her chest. You wouldn't think it, but for a chick, she can be pretty intimidating.     

"I...well...I'm...technically...yes."     

Charlie hangs his head in defeat, and I really want to just scream out, I told you so, but I'm not going to do that. I'm going to be happy that he told her the truth, and stand back and watch the explosion that is undoubtedly about to happen.    

"Technically? What the hell does that mean?"    

Charlie eyes me suspiciously, then looks over at Ally. "I'm going through a divorce. I know, I should have told you...but it's just been really tough. I caught her sleeping with a friend of mine, and I can't stand talking about it, and I just...it'll be finalized in a couple weeks, and I just want to put it behind me and move on."    

Ally's expression softens, and I can't help but roll my eyes. I should have known there'd be some excuse.  And, of course...Ally's eating up every word of it.    

I don't get her anymore. She used to be one of the most skeptical people, I know. She's always been a no nonsense type of girl, and lately, it's like she's losing her backbone.    

"Ally...I'm sorry..." Charlie says quietly. "I wasn't trying to hide it from you, it's just been really hard to deal with."    

"No...it's ok." She nods and smiles sympathetically at him. "But, I think maybe we need to talk about this."    

"Yeah, we do." He says seriously and nods. "I'm gonna head back inside, we can go whenever you're ready."    

Ally nods as he walks back inside, then she turns to me, anger written all over her face. I wish I could say I'm surprised.    

"Are you happy now?"    

"Oh, come on Ally...you're joking, right? You're not seriously pissed at me about this?"
    

"Actually, yes...I am. What gives you the right, to go digging through someone else's life, Justin? I bet you never stopped to think that maybe, there was a perfectly reasonable explanation, did you? All you could think about, was that you finally had something to use against him. When are you going to realize, this isn't a war, and I'm not some fucking consolation prize?"    

"It's not like that, and you know it."    

"No, Justin, I don't. All I see is you, trying to compete with him."    

"Gee...maybe because you're stringing both of us along." I roll my eyes and frown. "Does he know about this afternoon? Or last night, for that matter? I'll bet he doesn't. Because if he did, I guarantee you, he'd drop your ass in a second. And you just can't have that, now can you? I mean, without Charlie, you'd just be stuck with me."    

"What? You think I'm enjoying this? This is not easy for me, Justin. I care about both of you, and I'm sorry that I don't know what I want. I'm not trying to string either of you along, or hurt anybody."    

I roll my eyes and laugh bitterly. This whole thing is spiraling out of control, and it's like there's no end in sight. Something has to change, and it has to happen now. All of the arguing, and talking ourselves to death, hasn't solved a damn thing.    

"Ally, I'm going to ask you, for the last time, to work this out with me. Come back as my PA, and we can get this straightened out. If it doesn't work...fine. I'll back off. You atleast owe me that much."
    

"I don't owe you shit, Justin."    

"You promised me we'd try, and I expect you to keep that promise."    

She bites her lip, and looks down at her shoes. "What about Charlie?"    

"Honestly...do you think a guy, who's going through a divorce, needs to be involved with someone right now?"    

She laughs through her tears and rolls her eyes. "I hate when you make sense."    

"Yeah, well...it doesn't happen too often." I shrug. "So, what's it gonna be?"    

She sighs, and stares at me, for what feels like hours.  She has to know, that this is the only way we can do this. If we try to straighten this mess out, while I'm on the road, and she's back here, we'd never reach a solution. This can't be done over the phone, or flying out to see each other every few weeks. I know, I'll be busy most of the time, but atleast she won't be thousands of miles away.     

She takes a deep breath, and nods slowly. "Ok."
    

"You're sure?"
    

"Yeah...I am." She cracks a small smile, and I swear to God, I could kiss her right now.    

But, I'm going to hold back. I'm going to do this right, and take baby steps. We'll work on our friendship, and once that's restored, hopefully, we can delve into the romantic stuff. But, not until I know we're ok.    

If I can't be with her, I atleast have to get my best friend back. I'm not going to lose the people closest to me, after all this time. I've worked too damn hard to keep them around, despite my career, and all of the shit that goes along with it.    

This won't be easy, but things can't get any worse, right? Besides...I got her to agree with me, and that's half the battle, as far as I'm concerned.

***********************************    

It's well after three A.M., when the front door finally opens and closes quietly. I know there is absolutely no way, the reception lasted this long.     

I can only guess that she and Charlie had their big talk.     

In a way, I feel kind of bad for the guy. I know how it feels to have the woman, you believe you're going to spend the rest of your life with, cheating on you. It's unbearable, and there were times, I honestly thought I'd never get through it.     

Sleeping around didn't help, what so ever. It wasn't until Ally, that I finally stopped thinking about it. Maybe, Charlie felt the same way about her. Honestly...I don't know. I don't even know the guy, so I can't really guess how he feels.    

The door to my room creaks open, and Ally peeks inside. "You awake?"    

"Yeah, I heard you pull up." I lie. I've actually been laying her awake, since I got home.         

The last two days just keep re-playing in my head, and I still can't figure out why, she acted the way she did, but as soon as Charlie showed up...it was like she shut me off. But, I'm going to let it go. She's back here with me, and that's all that matters.    

"I talked to Johnny...and Charlie." She sighs and plops down on the bed. "After the video, I'm officially your PA, again."    

"Cool." I nod slowly and sit up. "How'd it go with Charlie?"    

"It was...well, it wasn't easy." She shrugs. "He understood. He said he kind of saw it coming...and I just...I feel awful, Justin."    

"There's nothing for you to feel bad about."
    

"Yes there is. He knew from day one, that he'd never compare to you...and how shitty is that? If we can't work this out, I don't want to spend the rest of my life carrying some torch, for you...I'm sorry, but I just can't do that. I don't want to make somebody else feel like shit, because I can't get over you."    

"Al...don't think like that." I lace my fingers through hers, and grin at her. "Because, it's going to work. And you don't have to worry about somebody else feeling shitty. There isn't going to be anybody else."    

"How can you be so sure? I mean, seriously...look at the first time around, we both acted like morons and..."
    

"Ally..." I interrupt her quickly. "Do you love me?"
    

"Yeah, I do, but..."
    

"And I love you. It's going to work. Trust me." I chuckle as she nods slowly.    

I know, I've said a million times, how we were going to straighten this out, and get everything back to normal, but this is the first time, where I honest to God, believe it. It's like, I can feel it in my gut or something.     

We're going to be ok. I know it. I just have to prove it to her.

"Fall For You"-Secondhand Serenade

I used to adore you
I couldn't control you
There was nothing that I wouldn't do
To keep myself around and close to you
I thought you were special
I thought you should know 

        

I pull into the parking lot, of my soon to be, former office, and let out the breath I've been holding, since I left the house.    

I haven't seen or spoken to Charlie, in the three days since the wedding, and I'm a little nervous about coming back to work. Even though we talked, and agreed to remain friends, I've got a funny feeling it won't be that easy. He just looked so...hurt, when I told him what I planned to do.    

I feel horrible for what I did to him, but I don't think I can be with anyone else, until Justin and I figure things out. If I just went on with my life, I'd always have Justin hanging over my head, and that's not fair to me, or anyone else.    

Although, I'm not entirely sure I made the right decision, but Justin atleast deserves the chance to prove me wrong.     

Johnny wasn't all that thrilled with me. For starters, I breached a major part of my contract, and all of the back and forth job stuff, isn't making anyone happy.    

I finally climb out of my car, and head inside. I make my usual stop, at the mailboxes in the lobby, before taking the elevator. As soon as I step onto the eighth floor, the crashing sound of Bon Jovi, hits my ears and I cringe.    

The stereo is so damn loud, the floor is vibrating. This is one thing, I definitely won't miss. Sure...Justin has a tendency to play the garbage he listens to, fairly loud, but it's nothing like this. I don't think he's ever caused objects to fall off of a table with the vibrations from his stereo.    

Paper work, and files are scattered everywhere. The office is one giant mess, and I've never seen it like this. Charlie is organized, to the point of being obsessive compulsive about it. So, this is just way too weird.    

I enter his office, and find him seated, with his feet propped up on his desk, typing frantically on his laptop. He turns the stereo down, and nods in my direction, his eyes never leaving the computer screen.    

"What the hell happened out there?"    

"I lost the boards for Justin's video." He sighs and shakes his head. "I've turned this place upside down, and they aren't here. Johnny moved the shoot up to tomorrow morning, and I have a meeting with the director, in an hour. We have to find those damn things."    

"Are you sure you didn't take them home?" I ask, and he frowns at me. He has a tendency to take a lot of his work stuff home, and on a few occasions, he's left it there. I really wouldn't be surprised, if that's the case here.    

"Positive."    

I know, it's probably really stupid...but part of me can't help wondering, if he lost the boards on purpose. I don't want to think he'd be that vindictive, but people are capable of almost anything, when they're pissed off.    

"Alright...I'll look around. Maybe you just missed them." He shrugs, as I turn to leave.    

He's being pretty flip with me, and honestly...I don't blame him. If I was in his position, I'd be just as angry. I don't even like myself very much, for what I've put him through. But, it's too late to change my mind now.    

I made this bed, and I'm going to have to lay in it.     

Atleast this awkwardness, and tension won't last long. Once the video is filmed, there's a distinct possibility, that I'll never see Charlie Walters again. I'm just not sure that's what I want.    

I search the entire floor, and just like Charlie said, the boards are nowhere to be found. Someone has to have them. This kind of stuff doesn't just disappear.    

Charlie finally steps out of his office to let me know he's leaving, and before I can respond, he's gone. Even if I can't find the boards, I'm atleast going to clean up the mess he left.    

Under normal circumstances, I'd be going to that meeting, with him. I guess, since I'll be gone in a week, there's really no point, in me tagging along. Then, throw in the fact that I major screwed him over, I'd be willing to be that he doesn't have much use for me.    

Like I said before, I can't really blame him, but I thought he'd keep the work stuff, separate. Obviously, I was wrong.    

In a way, I'm kind of glad to be going back to work for Justin. I won't be spending the majority of my time, holed up in an office. No more 18 hour video shoots, every few days. And, the best part...no more heels, dress pants and blouses.    

I know, it's silly to be excited about something like that, but business casual, just ain't my thing. I'm much more comfortable in jeans and a T-shirt.     

That's probably the biggest advantage to working for Justin. I can do pretty much whatever the hell I want. Wear what I want. Take time off, when I need it. Go where ever I want. Act how I want.    

When you get right down to it, working for Justin, is ten times easier than working for Charlie.  But, I'm also kind of taking two steps backward. Working for Charlie, was like, my launching pad. It could have led to bigger and better things. It got me out there, with other artists, constantly surrounded by the big wigs.     

Going back to work for Justin...I'm back to following my best friend around the country, and that doesn't do much for the ol' resume.     

On the plus side, this is my opportunity to straighten out the mess, that has become my life. Everything is just so tense and dramatic, and it's wearing everybody out. I know, some of it's my fault, but it's just gotten so old. Hopefully, this is going to work. I don't think any of us can handle anymore crap.    

It takes me, a little over two hours, to get the office back to normal, and I still haven't found those damn boards. Really...I don't see what the big deal is. If everyone involved, knows how the video is supposed to look, why do we need story boards?    

There's no story in the damn video, anyway. But hey...what do I know? I'm just an assistant.    

The phone in my office starts to ring, and I drop the stack of paper work I'd been sorting, to go answer it. With any luck, it'll be someone who knows something about the missing boards, and I can save the day. But, things never work that well for me.    

Before I can even say hello, a frantic voice practically screams my name into the phone.    

"Lauren? What the hell?"
    

"Ally...oh my God...you have to come home. Like, now." She chokes out through her sobs.    

"What's wrong? Are you alright?"    

"No!" She wails, and I have to pull the phone away, before she ruptures my eardrums.     

"Laur...calm down, and tell me what's wrong. I can't leave work. I'm the only one here."    

"I need you here." She sniffles. "Everything is just...wrong."    

"Ok...chill out, and I'll be there as soon as I can, ok? Is Trace there?"    

"No. He's doing some stupid William Rast thing. I don't want him here for this anyway."    

"What about Justin?"    

"Are you insane? Justin's an idiot!" She cries. "Besides...he's at rehearsals."    

I roll my eyes, even though she can't see it, and let out a breath. "Alright. Give me a little while to straighten some stuff out, I'll come home, and you can tell me all about it." She agrees, and quickly ends the call.    

I'm almost positive, that whatever is going on, is some small, insignificant thing that she could totally handle on her own, but she tends to think with her emotions, rather than her head, sometimes. Most of her meltdowns are because she's just blowing things out of proportion. I'm still amazed that she handled all of the wedding stuff so well.    

I finish re-organizing the office, leave Charlie a voicemail, and head home, hoping that Lauren will have calmed down some, by the time I get there.

*********************************    

Lauren stares at the shelf in front of us, then looks over at me, and shrugs. "I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I've never had to do this."    

"Like I have?" I roll my eyes and laugh. "Just grab a few different ones, and let's go."        

She grabs the boxes, and we quickly make our way up front, pay, and head back to the house. The whole way home, I can see her shaking in her seat. She's trying really hard to keep herself calm, but I know she's on the verge of a complete freak out. I get it, though. If I was in her shoes right now, I'd probably be ripping my hair out.     

Babies are scary. Plain and simple.     

I've never been in a situation, where I thought I was pregnant, but I'd imagine it's pretty terrifying. I love my nephew more than life, but the thought of having my own kid, makes me want to run screaming in the other direction.     

It's one of those things that completely changes your life. Who you are, where you can go, what you can do, everything around you.    

Lauren has enough life altering shit going on. She definitely doesn't need to throw a baby in the mix. Although, she's the type who always sees the silver lining. If she is pregnant, once the shock wears off, I know she's going to be thrilled.  Even when we were little, she couldn't wait to be a mom.    

Trace, on the other hand...still has some growing up to do, I think. Lord knows, he's totally turned himself around the last few years, and marriage was a huge step for him, but I don't think he's on Dad level, quite yet.    

Or, maybe he is, and it's just really hard for me to see it. I had a really hard time seeing my brother, as a father, but that has turned out beautifully.     

We finally reach the house, and Lauren bolts inside, clutching the plastic bag from the drug store. She's up the stairs, and in the bathroom, before I even get to the front door.    

I know she's nervous and scared, but I think she's being a little extreme about the whole thing. This is something that's probably easier to deal with, if you're calm and rational. Since Lauren is neither of those, this is going to turn into a huge ordeal.     

"Who lit a fire under her ass?"    

I jump at the sound of Justin's voice, and spot him, sprawled out on the couch. "I thought you were at rehearsals?"    

"I got home a few minutes ago. Haven't even showered yet." He gives me a cheesy grin, and all I can do is roll my eyes.    

"You're disgusting." I mutter, and make my way upstairs.    

I don't know why, but Justin has this phobia about showering in strange places. He has to be at home, or in a hotel room, otherwise, he won't shower until he's in one of those places. Trace thinks he's afraid of someone walking in on him, and taking pictures, or something. Personally, I think he's just a fuckin weirdo.    

But, atleast Trace's theory makes sense.    

I find Lauren in my bathroom, reading over directions for one of the tests. She looks up at me, and the fear in her eyes, is clear as day.     

"It's going to be ok, right?"    

"Course." I shrug and sit down on the edge of the bathtub. "If you aren't... everything stays the same, if you are...you get a head start on the family stuff."    

She smiles and shakes her head, wiping the tears off of her face. "Sorry I made you leave work."
    

"Don't worry about it. This is more important."    

"What the hell are you two doing in there?" Justin knocks loudly on the door, and I have to fight the urge to go out there, and strangle him.    

The boy really does have awful timing.    

"Nothing. Go away." I call out, as Lauren giggles. "You...do your thing. I'll go get rid of him." I stand up and exit the bathroom, making sure to close the door behind me.    

"Everything ok?"    

"Yeah. Laur just doesn't feel good." I shrug. "She's kind of throwing up everything she's eaten for the last three months...it's not pretty."    

He scrunches up his nose, and starts to slowly back out of the room. "Ok... well...you have fun with that." I nod and smile sarcastically, as he turns to leave.     

I know it's kind of stupid, but with the possibility of Lauren and Trace about to become first time parents, I can't help but wonder, if Justin and I had kids, how would they turn out?    

Would they look like him, or me? Would they have his musical ability? My sarcasm?     

I shake my head, and roll my eyes at myself. I really shouldn't be thinking about having babies with a man, who isn't even my boyfriend.     

Lauren comes out of the bathroom slowly, plops down next to me, and sighs. "It takes about ten minutes." She says quietly.    

I pat her knee reassuringly and smile. "It's going to be fine."    

"I know. It's just...it's scary, ya know? I haven't even been married for a week. We were going to wait a couple years before we got into all of this stuff. This is going to change everything we had worked out."    

"And you didn't see that coming?" I chuckle and shake my head. "Has anything in our lives, ever gone according to plan?"    

"Good point." She giggles. "Speaking of plans...what's going to happen with you and Justin, once the tour starts?"    

"I don't know. I just want to get through the video shoot."    

"Yeah, that should be interesting."    

We sit in silence, until the timer echoes through the room, and Lauren turns to me.    

"Can you do it? I just...I can't look at it."    

"You sure?" She nods quickly, and I head into the bathroom.    

The white plastic stick is laying on the sink, and suddenly, I'm as nervous as Lauren is. Even though I tried to stay calm, I know what a big deal this is. She hasn't even had time to adjust to being married, how is she supposed to be prepared to be a mother already?    

I look at the test closely, and walk back into the bedroom. Lauren sits up a little straighter, and looks at me expectantly.    

"It's positive."    

Her face goes blank, and all of the color drains immediately. This is pretty much the reaction, I was expecting.    

"But...you know these things aren't all that accurate. Take another one, and see what happens." I offer, and she shakes her head.    

"You know how sometimes, you just know something? That's how this is....I just know." She rolls her eyes and chuckles. "I forgot my birth control one time...once. How crazy is that?"
    

"Go to the doctor before you do anything, alright?"    

"Yeah. I'll make an appointment in the morning. How long are we on set tomorrow?"    

"No clue. I'll get Justin ready...just get to the doctor."    

"You are a lifesaver." She smiles and pulls me into a tight hug.    

A baby.    

Lauren and Trace are going to have a baby. But, for some reason...all I can think about, is how things would be, if it was me and Justin.

*************************************    

"Find the boards?"     

Charlie shrugs at me, and doesn't even bother to look up.     

"We're due on set in a couple hours. We kinda need them."    

"If Justin's such a professional...he can handle it, without them."     

"It's not necessarily Justin, who needs them.  What about the director? The crew?" He shrugs again, and I head back to my office.     

Yesterday, he was ready to turn this entire building upside down, looking for those damn boards, and today...it's like he couldn't care less. I'm convinced now, more than ever, that he did something with them.    

But, whatever. I'm going to keep my mouth shut, and get through this day, without incident.     

Lauren should be on her way to the doctor fairly soon, and hopefully, it won't take too long. Fashion isn't really my forte, and Justin will undoubtedly murder me, if I make him look like an idiot.    

But then again, it's not like it's difficult to find something that looks good on him. He could probably wear a trash bag, and women would still swoon. He seems to have that affect on people, no matter what he does    

Over the years, I've heard thousands of theories on what it is about him, that is so appealing. It's just my opinion, but I think it's his smile.    

Not the voice, or the dancing. Not the eyes, or the way he carries himself. Not the charm, and not the sense of humor. It's that smile.    

When he smiles, there's this boyish innocence about him, that is completely irresistible. Everything around you could fall apart, but when he smiles at you, it's like you forget about all of it.    

Or, maybe that's just me. Who knows.    

I spend the two hours before we leave, clearing out my office. I shove all of my things into a few small boxes, and stack them in the corner. I'm actually a little sad about leaving this. I've never had my own office, so it's a little hard to give it up.     

Before I know it, Charlie comes in to let me know, it's time for us to leave. I follow him out of the building and to the car, but before either of us get in, he stops and turns to face me.    

"I forgot my laptop, can you go grab it?" I nod, and hurry back inside.    

His laptop is still perched on his desk, but the case is nowhere in sight. I go through several of the drawers in his desk, check the filing cabinets, then finally check the closet.    

As soon as I open the door, several large, white, poster boards fall at my feet.    

I fucking knew it.    

I knew, there was no possible way these story boards mysteriously disappeared. Charlie is far too organized to misplace anything he needs for work.    

I just...I don't understand why he'd do this. It's not like the video couldn't be made without them. The director drew them up himself. It's just so stupid.    

I don't know what to do. Do I take the boards down to the car, and confront Charlie? Do I shove them back in the closet, and pretend I never saw them?     

Charlie could probably lose his job for this.    

I quickly shove the boards back in the closet, grab the laptop, and make my way back downstairs.     

Justin is going to be furious if he finds out about this.

************************************    

Charlie and I walk onto the set, and I have to squint to avoid being blinded. The set is just a plain white backdrop, but with all of the lights, it's extremely bright.    

Charlie immediately makes his way over to speak to the director, and I head for Justin's dressing room. Hopefully, he has some idea what he wants to wear, because I have no clue what the hell I'm doing.    

I knock, and receive a muffled "come in." Trace is stretched out on the couch, and Justin is walking around in a pair of boxers.    

It kind of worries me, that these two can run around in their underwear, in front of each other. They really are a couple of weirdos.     

"Where the hell is Lauren?" Justin screeches, and I have to bite back a laugh.    

Apparently, he's in full on work mode, and is completely wigging out. Why am I not surprised?    

A lot of people think it's nerves that make him act like this, but I know,  it's the fact that he's such a perfectionist. Everything has to be exactly how he wants it, down to the smallest detail. If one little thing is out of whack, he'll totally lose it.    

"Doctor." Trace mumbles. "She wasn't feeling good."
    

"Yep. So you're stuck with me." I stroll over to the rack of clothes in the middle of the room.    

It's full of mostly suits, with a few T-shirts, and dress pants thrown in. I'm quickly realizing just how hard Lauren's job is.     

"Well?" Justin asks impatiently, and folds his arms over his bare chest.    

"Well...we should probably stick with Lauren's basic idea. What about this?" I hold up a black, three piece suit, and he rolls his eyes. "Or not."     

I continue to rummage through the rack, and come across a gray, plaid vest, with a white dress shirt, and black tie. I pull it off the rack, and before I can even get a good look at it, he grabs it out of my hands.    

"Ally...you're a fucking genius. Find me a pair of black pants."    

You wouldn't think it, but he's like a woman when it comes to clothes and shoes. He'll buy things, he knows he'll never wear, and if he sees something he likes, he has to have it. I usually try to avoid shopping with him, for that reason. The last time he and Lauren went shopping, they were gone for almost 10 hours.    

I hand him the pants, and he quickly throws on the outfit, we just put together. Once he's straightened his tie, he moves to stand in front of the mirror. He smoothes out the wrinkles in his shirt, and stares at his reflection, for what feels like a lifetime.    

He finally turns to face me, a cocky smile on his face. "I look fucking amazing."    

I'd be a damn liar, if I didn't agree. I don't know why, or how...but this look Lauren came up with for him, definitely works. His hair could be a little longer, but I'm not going to nitpick.     

Maybe, it's because he's so comfortable in the way Lauren's got him dressing, but he just exudes confidence. He's the shit, and he knows it.    

The transformation from just plain, small town Justin, to Justin Timberlake, has just happened before my eyes. He's stepped out of his normal life, and now, he's the guy, millions of people pay to see.    

He's arrogant. He's self centered. He's a complete dick to anyone who gets close to him, without his approval.    

As strange as it sounds...it works. It makes you pay attention to him, and that is the ultimate goal.    

There's a soft knock on the door, and Lauren steps inside, an awkward smile on her face. I've got a funny feeling, I know exactly how her doctors appointment went.    

She gives her stamp of approval on Justin's outfit, then starts to work on his make-up.  This is one aspect of all of this, that I really enjoy. Watching Lauren cake foundation on his face, is probably one of the funniest things, I've ever seen.    

It doesn't take long, before he's camera ready, and now, all we have to do is wait.    

Part of me really wants to tell Justin about the story boards, but it would just cause a problem, and that's the last thing, I want to do.    

Maybe, I should just confront Charlie, myself. I've got a strange feeling that he did this, to get to me, rather than Justin. So, maybe it's better if I handle it myself. Just, let him know that I know what he did.    

Justin is finally called to the set, and the four of us file out of the small dressing room. The entire place is packed with people. Crew members, dancers, camera guys...it's insane. You'd think, I'd get used to this, but I seriously doubt I ever will.    

Justin and his dancers step up onto the white backdrop, and listen intently as the director calls out their instructions. Trace makes his way over to Johnny, while Lauren puts a few last minute touch ups, on Justin's face.    

Suddenly, My Love, is booming through the speakers, and Justin goes to work.    

I spot Charlie, standing off to the side, by himself, and I make my way over. He nods, then gives me a small smile, before returning his attention to Justin and the dancers.     

I watch in silence for a few minutes, and smile at the glow around Justin. Honestly, I don't think he could ever stop performing. Even when he has time off, he isn't the same. Music is probably the only thing in this world, that can make him deliriously happy.     

Finally, I can't take it anymore. I don't know why Charlie hid the boards, but he's not going to get away with it.    

"I found the story boards." I say quietly, my eyes never leaving Justin.  "I don't want excuses, or apologies. I just want to know why."    

He hangs his head, and shoves his hands in his pockets. He stares at the floor for a few minutes, then looks up at me. "I just...I wasn't ready to let you go yet. I thought I could get the video delayed, and maybe...you'd change your mind."    

"Are you hearing yourself right now? You said you understood...you said you knew Justin was always going to come first. Why delay the inevitable?"     

"You're right." He nods. "But I would have done everything in my power to make you forget about him. Taking the boards was stupid, but I had to try something. Obviously, nothing's going to keep him from what he wants." He chuckles softly and rolls his eyes. "Maybe he is the better man, after all."    

"I'll get my things out of the office tonight. I'll have Johnny bring in your assistant tomorrow. I just can't be around you anymore."    

He nods and gives me a sad smile. "Alright."    

I turn to go look for Lauren and Trace, but Charlie grabs me by the arm, and pulls me back to face him.    

"I'm not sorry, Al."
    

"You should be." He releases my arm, and I walk away as quickly as my legs will allow.    

I give him credit for being honest, but his reasoning behind it, is so selfish. I honestly believed, that he was different, that he was all of the things he presented himself to be.    

And now, I know that's just not true. He lied. He hid things. And, who's to say, he even really cared about me? What if, he was just after a piece of ass, like Justin said?    

He's right about one thing, though. Justin is the better man. No matter how stupid, and aggravating he can be, he's just better.     

I can't help but smile, as I watch him doing what he loves the most. I had my doubts at first, but now, I know I made the right decision.    

With Justin, is where I belong. It just took me way too long to realize it.

"Special"-Garbage

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

        

I follow Trace into the house, with the last of the boxes, and toss them in the corner. It's taken us almost two full days, just to get all of their junk inside the house. I never realized it before, but most of what I had at home in L. A, belonged to Lauren or Trace.     

So now, there's a lot more empty space in my house, than there had been. I'm not really complaining, but it's strange to see it so open, after all this time.     

Of course, I won't be seeing it for long. Once the holidays are over, and the new year begins, I'm hitting the road, and there's no telling when I'll be back home.     

With Christmas tomorrow, it won't be long before I'm living out of my suitcases, never quite sure where the hell I am. But, atleast Ally will be there with me.     

I follow Trace into the kitchen, and grab a beer, before we both lean against the counter, and look around. The house isn't something I'd normally go for, but it's kinda cool.    

It's got this old, southern farm feel to it. It's all hardwood floors, except for the bathroom, and the living room. There's about ten small rooms total, the two largest rooms being the living room, and the bedroom upstairs. The dining room, branches off the kitchen, and there's a small hallway, that leads from the kitchen to the living room.     

It sounds kinda weird, but this house is so totally Lauren and Trace. It'll be pretty cool to see it, once all of their furniture is in place, and Lauren gets her decorating done.    

We haven't really done much, other than bring in the boxes. Trace got their bed set up, but plans on leaving everything else until after Christmas.    

Lauren, of course, insisted on putting up the tree, so she and Ally have been working on that for the last hour or so.     

Our families didn't have anything going on until tomorrow morning, so the plan is to hang out here, order some pizza and just chill out for the evening, which we haven't been able to do in God knows how long.    

I honestly can't remember the last time the four of us just hung out. It's like there's always ten tons of other shit going on around us. Unfortunately, this will probably be the last time we get to do something like this, for a really long time.    

The 27th, Ally and I will head back to L. A, and on the second, the tour begins. I'm determined to enjoy the next few days, as much as possible.     

I'm in my hometown, with my best friends, and my family...it doesn't get any better than that. All of the craziness is behind us, Charlie Walters is out of our lives, and things are mostly back to normal.    

The last piece of the puzzle, is Ally and I getting back together. And, I know that's going to happen. It's just going to take some time, and I've got to be patient.  

*****************************************************    

"It hasn't even started yet, and Johnny's already trying to book a second U.S. leg. It's crazy, ya know? This whole thing just blew up." Ally nods and takes a sip of her beer.    

"Yeah...J...thanks for making us realize, sexy got lost." Trace cackles and rolls his eyes.    

I know he's drunk, but I don't think I'll ever hear the end of that shit. Every interview I've done the last couple months, they all have to ask that same basic question. Where did I have to bring sexy back from?    

It's a song, people. It's really not that deep. Just enjoy the music, and don't over analyze the lyrics.    

"Why aren't you drinking?" I look over at Lauren, and try desperately to change the subject.    

"She's sad...because sexy left." Trace giggles stupidly, and I flip him off.    

"I'm just not in the mood." She shrugs.    

Ally gives her a funny look, and I'm getting the feeling, that something's up. I might have a good buzz, but I haven't reached Trace's level of stupidity, quite yet.    

He pours a shot of Jack, and shoves it in Lauren's face. "Here, get in the mood."    

"Nah. I'm fine. Really." She tries to shove it away, but Trace isn't giving up so easily.    

Normally, he wouldn't care if Lauren drank, or not. But, he's in full on party mode, and just wants everybody to get wasted.  He tries again, and Lauren still refuses. He's getting more and more annoyed with each passing second, and I'm sure it won't be long, before belligerent, drunk Trace makes his first appearance of the evening.    

"Lauren, drink with us." He says more sternly this time.    

"It's late. You should get some sleep." She stands up, and heads to the kitchen, but Trace is right on her heels.    

Their conversation gets heated pretty quick, but I can't make out any of what they're saying.    

Ally picks at imaginary lint on her sweat pants, and looks everywhere, but at me. Whatever's going on...she knows what it is.    

In the two weeks since we shot the video, she's slowly but surely been getting back to her normal self. Her sarcasm is back full force, and she's just in general, more fun to be around.    

It's like, she's put the last few months behind her, and is totally ready to move forward.     

I don't know what the hell Charlie did, or said, but I'm thanking God for it, every day. I haven't heard her utter his name, even once. And, that just cements my belief, that he was the root of all of our problems.    

"So..." I drawl out, and she finally looks over at me. "Ya know...I have no clue where we're supposed to sleep."    

She chuckles and rolls her eyes. "We probably should have thought of that, before we started drinking."    

"Probably." I laugh and shake my head. "We could walk to my mom's. It's only a couple blocks."    

"Oh yeah. I'm sure we won't get frost bit too bad." I roll my eyes, and shove her playfully.    

The cold is one thing, I don't miss about home. Snow and ice can kiss my California loving ass.    

"Then, I guess we sleep on the floor." I shrug.    

"Because I'm pregnant, you idiot!" Lauren's scream seems to echo throughout the house, as Ally and I, both jerk our heads toward the kitchen.    

Lauren's pregnant? Holy hell.     

That was the last thing I was expecting, but a lot of stuff, makes sense now. Lauren's last minute doctors appointment the day of the video shoot, the way she's been avoiding alcohol, and she's been pretty moody the last week or so.    

It explains everything.    

"How far along is she?"    

"About three months." Ally says slowly. "Crazy, huh?"    

"Yeah...that's...wow." I laugh and shake my head. "Ya know...we should probably get out of here, and let them deal with this, alone."    

Ally frowns, but moves to stand up. She wobbles a little, before gaining her balance, then starts to giggle uncontrollably. Looks like she's drunker than I thought.    

This should make the walk to my Mom's, nice and interesting.    

We grab our coats, and head for the door, Lauren and Trace still bickering in the kitchen. I should probably tell them we're leaving, but I don't want to get in the middle of whatever it is, they're talking about.    

Ally and I have been around, for every turning point in their relationship. The night Trace finally made a move, we were there. When Lauren first told him she loved him, we were there. When he proposed, we were there. It's like, we've been right in the middle of every one of their milestones, and I don't know how they put up with it. I have no problem with PDA, or whatever, but some shit needs to stay between you and your significant other. I think it's just more special that way.         

Ally and I step out into the cold, and I immediately pull my coat tighter around myself. The temperature has to be down in the single digits. I swear...I can almost feel icicles growing off my nose.    

I shove my hands in my pockets, and try to convince myself, I'm back home in the sunshine. I'm so not cut out for this winter shit.    

We walk in silence for awhile, Ally trailing behind me, weaving back and forth. She's a pretty goofy drunk. It's like, she loses all control over her body. Half the time, she can barely stand, much less walk.    

As much as it kills me to do so, I slow down, and let her catch up to me. It just wouldn't be right, to let her freeze to death by herself.            

Out of the corner of my eye, I see her slide on a patch of ice, and she latches onto my arm for support. My own feet skid across another patch, and I grab onto her arm, to hold myself up. I just get us steady, when she tries to jerk away from me, in a split second, I'm landing flat on my back, while she tumbles down on top of me.    

Right away, she starts laughing hysterically, but all I can think about is the pain shooting up my leg. I'm almost positive, I twisted my damn ankle.    

"Are...are...are you ok?" She gasps through her giggles.    

"Yeah." I mutter and roll my eyes. "You alright?"
    

"You kinda broke my fall." She giggles and looks down at me.    

She's laying completely on top of me, and I know, if she was sober, she'd already be on her feet.    

I take the time to really look at her, and I don't think I could wipe the smile off of my face, even if I tried.     

I don't know what it is, but she looks absolutely beautiful. Even with snow in her hair, and her cheeks red from the cold, she's gorgeous. Maybe it's just the lights on the houses around us, but there's this soft glow all around her, and her eyes seem brighter than they have in months.    

"I'm so sorry, Justin." She whispers and stares at me, with wide eyes. "I'm sorry I let him come between us. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. And, I'm so sorry he almost ruined your video."    

"What are you talking about? The video turned out great."    

She shakes her head sadly, and sighs. "He hid the story boards in his office."    

I roll my eyes, and shake my head. I wish I could say I'm surprised. The asshole in me, would love nothing more, than to scream "I told you so", right in her face, but she doesn't deserve that. It isn't her fault.    

Charlie had her convinced that he was a good guy, and I almost hate the fact that I knew he wasn't. I wish I could be as shocked as she was. But, Ally is a little naive when it comes to people. She hasn't had to deal with even half the shit I have, so she's not as cautious as I am, around new people.    

"It's not your fault, Al. Everything turned out ok. Don't worry about it."    

She nods slowly, but still shows no sign of moving. I'm sure if someone could see us right now, they'd think we were on some heavy ass drugs. Who, in their right mind, lays on a sidewalk, in the middle of a snow storm?    

Apparently, we do.    

Unfortunately, the pain in my leg is intensifying, and I'm going to have to move soon. Part of me, really doesn't want too. This is the closest I've been to her in awhile, and I'm not quite ready to let go yet.    

I almost feel like I've stepped back in time, to six months ago, when everything between us was perfect. We could be silly together, nothing was bringing us down. I'd give anything to go back to that.    

"Al...we gotta move. My leg is killing me." I really don't want to do this, but I can't take the pain, or the cold anymore.    

She scrambles to her feet, worry etched all over her face. "Did I hurt you?"    

"No. I'm fine." I grunt, as I hop to my feet, and quickly realize, I can't put any weight on my right leg.    

Shit, shit, shit. Holy Mother of God, that fucking hurts.    

"Don't walk on it." She scolds, and pulls my arm around her shoulders, most of my weight resting on her. We walk that way, the last block and a half to my Mom's, me limping pathetically, and Ally trying to keep us steady.    

How pathetic am I, that a drunk girl has to help me walk?    

As soon as we reach my Mom's, she helps me inside, and to the couch. She instructs me to take off my shoes, then scurries into the kitchen. I hear the ice maker come on, and after a few minutes, she returns, armed with an ice pack, aspirin, and a wrap.    

She sits down on the edge of the coffee table, and gently pulls my foot into her lap. There's some swelling, but no bruising, which is definitely a good sign.    

"You probably sprained it." She says, as she places the ice pack on my ankle.    

I've never seen her play nurse like this, but it's kind of cool to know that she could take care of me, when I really need her too. I guess, I'm just too used to being the provider, or the caregiver, so this is an awesome change of pace for me. I mean, I don't want to be some lazy ass who depends on his girl, to take care of him and shit, but it's a good feeling, when it needs to happen.    

Of course, Ally isn't my girl, and that's not why she's doing this. She's being my best friend. If her, Lauren, or Trace were in my position right now, I'd be doing the same for them.    

Granted, I'd probably go above and beyond the call of duty for Ally.    

"Here, take a couple of these." She tosses the bottle of aspirin to me, and continues to hold the ice pack on my ankle. "I'll keep this on here for a few more minutes, wrap it, then you need to get to bed."    "

Thanks." I smile at her, and she shrugs.     

"It's nothing. You killed my buzz though." I chuckle, and roll my eyes at her.    

"Great way to spend Christmas Eve, huh?"    

"Oh, definitely." She shakes her head and laughs. "You think Lauren and Trace will be ok?"
    

"I don't see why not. I mean...it's what they wanted, eventually. It just came a lot earlier than they planned."    

She nods, and quickly starts to wrap my ankle. Before I know it, some of the pain has subsided, and I feel like I could probably make it to my old bedroom.     

Ally goes out to the hall closet, and returns a second later, with blankets, and a pillow. I can't help but frown at her, and shake my head.    "

Take my bed, Al. I can sleep down here."    

"You're the injured one. I'll be fine. Now, go."    

"You could always sleep with me."    

Her eyes widen a bit, and I'm just waiting for her to launch into a tirade, especially after what happened in Memphis. She'd be well within her rights to bitch me out, too.     

"Ok." She nods, and heads for the steps.    

Well...that's...definitely not what I was expecting.     

If there's one thing I have to learn about her, it's that she's never going to do, or be what I expect. It's like she's bound and determined to constantly surprise the hell out of me, and honestly...I kind of like it.

******************************    

I plop more mashed potatoes on my plate, grab a beer, and follow Trace into his parents den. This has been one of the best Christmases I've had in a really long time.    

All four families are together, and everyone seems to have forgotten all the nonsense of the last few months. It's perfect.  We've stuck with our usual tradition of breakfast at my Moms, presents at Ally's, early dinner at Trace's, and we'll finish with the big annual part at Lauren's, where pretty much every member of every family will get smashed.    

It's the same routine every year, and even though it's fast paced, and a little crazy at times, I can't imagine spending Christmas, any other way.    

Trace plants himself on the sofa, while I take the leather chair in the corner. I don't know how we managed it, but we've got the den completely to ourselves. Since last night, I've been dying to find out what he thinks about all of this baby stuff, but with fucking up my ankle, and spending the entire night trying to avoid touching Ally while she slept...you could say, I've had other things on my mind.    

I learned my lesson the last time I slept in a bed with Ally, and I've got to say...I'm damn proud of myself. It took amazing restraint on my part, to not reach over and touch her.    

Trace silently digs into his plate, and I'm choosing my words carefully. I know he wants to be a Dad, I'm just not sure he's ready for it so soon. He and Lauren had everything planned out, down to the smallest details.    

Trace is about as laid back as it gets, but he doesn't do so well with sudden changes, and this whole thing could potentially send him over the edge.    

He sets his plate down, and looks over at me curiously. "Alright, I know you want to say something, so just say it. I know it's been like, eating you alive all damn day."    

I chuckle and nod slowly. "How'd it go last night?"    

I figure, I might as well just ask. What's the point in beating around the bush, when he already knows what I want to say?    

"Mostly ok. We fought for awhile." He shrugs and digs back into his turkey.    "

That's all you've got to say? You don't want to talk about this?"
    

"What's there to talk about? I'm gonna have a kid. Talking about my feelings, like a whiney little bitch, doesn't change that."
    

"True. But, aren't you scared man? This is huge. You can't just blow it off."    

"Are you kidding me? Of course I'm scared. I'm fucking terrified! But, Lauren's freaking out enough for the both of us. I've gotta be the grown up, and keep my cool. If she thinks I can't handle this, she'll really flip out, and I want her as calm as possible. I saw some show, on this discovery channel, or some shit, that said if a pregnancy is mostly stress free, the baby will be happy or whatever." He rolls his eyes and sighs.    

I'm really impressed that he's thinking about the future so much. Not to mention the fact, that he's already more worried about Lauren and the baby, than himself. That, to me, is a major accomplishment.    

He could be freaking out, and worrying about how this will affect him, but instead, he's put his thoughts, feelings and fears to the side, to focus on the woman he loves. People really don't give him enough credit.     

Suddenly, I'm seeing my best friend in a whole new light, and surprisingly, this whole Dad thing, really suits him. I'm sure, it's just a matter of time, until he's putting together cribs and changing tables, loving every minute of it.    

I think once he gets past his initial fear, he's going to really step up, and be an amazing Father.    

"Now that you've gotten that over with, how's the ankle?" He smirks, and I hang my head.    

Looks like, as usual, Ally can't keep her big damn mouth shut. I had no intention of talking to anyone about last night. It's a little humiliating for a dancer, to fall and hurt himself on a patch of ice. I should have been able to catch myself, before I got anywhere near hitting the ground.    

"Hurts like a bitch."
    

"I figured." He chuckles. "You've been limping around all day, but I think everybody's been too busy to really notice."    

"It's nothing major. I just twisted it. It'll be fine in a day or two." I shrug.    

"Yeah. Especially with that excellent nurse you've got. I say, milk it for all it's worth, man. If you're lucky, maybe you can talk her into getting one of those hot nurse costumes. I bet you could get into some real kinky shit with that." He laughs, as I throw a pillow, and it smacks him in the face.    

"You're an idiot."    

"Hey...you know I'm right. I bet you're imagining it right now." I shrug, and pretend to be really interested in my dinner.    

Ok, so the little troll is right. As soon as he said it, images of Ally, in one of those white, short, tight dresses, began flashing through my mind. Of course, if it actually got to that point, I'd be much more interested in what's under that dress.    

I shake my head quickly, and roll my eyes. If we're going to be friends for awhile, I have to get my mind out of the gutter. I've got to get serious about straightening this out, and picturing her naked every five damn minutes, definitely isn't serious.    

"You know what's weird?" Trace asks suddenly. "I was really looking forward to not going on tour again, but now...I'm kinda bummed out. This is going to be the biggest thing you've ever done, and I'm going to miss it."    

"Yeah, it's gonna suck." I smile sadly. "But, you know, you and Laur can come to any show you want. We'll still get to hang out and shit."    

"I guess, it's just kind of weird that we'll all be apart, ya know? Like, it's been the four of us against the world, for so long, and it's just fuckin weird, man." He shakes his head and laughs softly. "We sound like the girls, you know."    

"We? More like you. I'm totally cool. I know it's all going to be fine."    

He eyes me skeptically, and arches an eyebrow. "Since when are you so fucking positive?"    

"I don't know, man. I just know it's going to be alright." I shrug, and finish the rest of my beer.    

I really can't explain it, but I know I'm right. Even though everything is kind of upside down, I know it's going to work out.    

Of course, not everybody knows what I've got up my sleeve.    

I probably should have told atleast one of them, but until I made up my mind, I didn't want to add to the stress, everyone was already feeling. 

As much as I hate the cold weather, I absolutely love Tennessee. And, that is why, I've decided to move back.    

Life is just so much easier for me here. There's no cameras following my every move, reporters and fans aren't camping outside my doorstep. People don't gawk at me. The only time I feel like a normal person, is when I'm here.    

The only downside to moving back here, is the effect it would have on my work schedule. Not too many people are very keen on the idea of traveling to the boonies to record, but there are ways around that. I'd have no problem flying back and forth, between Memphis and L. A, or Memphis and New York.    

I'll do whatever I need to, because I know, in the long run, this is going to be the best thing for everyone.    

I'll probably even keep the house in L. A, just to have somewhere to stay when I'm there, but I want my primary home to be here, with my family. I'm just not quite sure how to break the news to anyone, especially Ally.    

I know my parents will be ecstatic. My Mom's wanted me to move back, for years. Lauren and Trace are a non-issue. I know they'll both be thrilled.     

The only person I see being a problem, is Ally.     

She loves California, and I know she can't stand the thought of being stuck in our hometown for the rest of her life, but I also know just how much she misses her family, and a lot of our old friends.    

So, I'm going to use that as my selling point. Hopefully, she'll buy it.  

*******************************    

I stumble through the hallway of Lauren's parents house, and try to steady myself, as another wave of dizziness hits me. The party is in full swing, the house is packed with our families, friends and a few neighbors, and of course, Christmas music is blaring from the speakers in the living room.    

I'm having a fucking blast. I haven't been this drunk, in God knows how long. I'm sure I'll regret it in the morning, but for now...I'm going to enjoy it.     

I spot that familiar white cashmere sweater, and smile to myself as I head in her direction. I know, there's all these rules and we're supposed to do the friend thing, but tonight...I just don't care.    

I just...I need to touch her, feel her skin under my fingertips. I need more than what she's been giving me lately. The last several weeks, I've been too damn horny for my own good, and tonight...I'm drunk enough to do something about it, and not worry about the consequences.    

I walk up behind her, and she jumps a little when my arms snake around her waist, and I pull her against me. It sounds stupid, but she feels amazing there. I don't get how she does it...if she feels everything I feel, how can she not want more?    

I rest my chin on her shoulder, and my vision blurs as I try to focus on the person she's talking to. I finally make out his face, and grin.    

"Jack! What's up brotha?"     

He shakes his head, and laughs at me. "Justin...nice to see you're still not shy around a liquor cabinet."    

"Psh...no way man. Besides, that's the whole point of this party. If we were all sober, it'd be boring as shit." I smile, as I start to slowly sway mine and Ally's hips to the music.    

She hasn't pushed me away, or slapped me yet, so I'm taking that as a small victory. I really miss being able to do this kind of stuff...touch her whenever I want, kiss her just for the hell of it.  I miss every bit of all that silly, couple shit.    

"Well...you kids have fun. Don't do anything I wouldn't do, little sister." He smirks, then disappears into the kitchen.     

Ally turns to face me, but makes no attempt to break our contact. I want to know why, of all the things she could have worn, why did it have to be white? It just brings back memories of the vision of her in a naughty nurse costume, and I can't handle that right now.     

"How much have you had to drink?" She asks quietly.    

"Beats me." I shrug, and let my hands slide a little lower than her hips. "I'm in a good place right now, let's leave it at that."    

She giggles, with a shake of her head, and takes a long sip of her wine. "I'm hoping I'll get there soon. I'm bored out of my damn mind."    

"Never fear, Ally Lynn. I'll get you wasted." I let go of her hips, grab her by the hand, and lead her to the basement.    

A lot of the younger people are hanging out down here, probably because, all of the alcohol is down here. I remember, before any of us turned 21, we'd sit down here and wait until the adults had gone upstairs, and we'd sneak as much liquor as we could. Judging by all the 16 and 17 year old kids down here, I'm guessing that's a tradition that hasn't quite died yet.    

I pull a fairly large bottle of Jack off the table, and head back up the steps, Ally's fingers still laced through mine. Without a word, I open the front door, and we step outside. We quickly cross the street to my Mom's, and hurry inside.    

Ally immediately kicks off her heels, and pulls off her sweater. She has on this black, low cut, sleeveless shirt on underneath it, and I have to swallow the lump in my throat. I swear...she wears all this semi-revealing shit, just to drive me crazy.    

I head into the kitchen, grab two glasses and a couple Cokes, then plop down on the floor in the living room.    

"Normally, I love that party, but this year it's just...ugh." She says as she pours a fair amount of Jack in her glass, then adds a splash of Coke. "I guess your ankles feeling better?"    

"Totally." I nod as she passes me the bottle. "Thanks for your help."    

"It's nothing." She dismisses me with a wave of her hand, and takes a sip of her drink. She scrunches up her nose, then swallows quickly and shakes her head. "I hate this shit."    

"You have no taste in liquor." I scoot closer to her, and rest my hands on her knees. "So...I was thinking..."
    

"I'm not having sex with you." She cuts me off, and all I can do is sit there, with my mouth hanging open.    

Suddenly, I'm remembering why I used to screw around with stupid chicks. They're a lot easier to get in the sack.    

"Ally Lynn...I am offended. Nobody said anything about sex."    

"Please. Like I don't know what you're doing? I know your little games, Justin. So, don't even try it."    

"That hurts, Al." I pout and she cracks a small smile.    

"Alright fine...I'll humor you. What have you been thinking about?" She asks, and takes a long gulp of her Jack and Coke.    

"As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted...I've been thinking, and...I want to move back here."    

Her eyes widen, and she nearly spits out her drink. "You're joking, right?"    

"No. I'm serious, Al. I really want to move back. I'm just so burnt out on California, and I miss being here so fucking much. It's just better here."    

"Justin...we have lives in L. A...you work out of L. A. Nobody's going to come to bumfucked Tennessee, just because you're here."    

"I'll fly back and forth." I shrug. "Being around my family, is way more important."    

"We leave for the tour in a week, Justin! How the hell do you expect to move across the country, while you're on the road?"    

I roll my eyes, and shake my head. "After the tour, Ally. Duh."    

"Have you told Johnny yet?"
    

"Fuck Johnny. It's my choice. Not his." I shrug. "So, whadda ya say? I'm not doing this without you."    

She bites her lip, and I can tell, she's really thinking this through, which is a good sign. If she was completely against it, she'd have said no, right off the bat. Even though it won't be for awhile, I know this is the right thing to do.    

I just, I think L. A is taking it's toll on us, and we need to get out. Touring will definitely help, but we'll be under so much stress, and I don't want to come back to a city that just causes more problems.     

"Alright." She says quietly.     

I smile so big, I think my face might crack. I tackle her to the ground, and before I can even think, my lips are planted firmly on hers. I don't care if she slaps me, or pushes me away...I'm so damn happy that she's agreed to do this.     

I finally pull away, and smile down at her. She looks less than pleased with me, but it doesn't matter. Things are finally working in my favor, and it's amazing.    

And deep down, I know, I'm just one step closer to winning back the woman I love.

"Won't Go Home Without You"-Maroon 5

In the morning when I wake up
You're the first thing that I think of
I can make it through anything
Knowing that I've got you.
In the morning when I wake up
Nothing else can take the place of you
And I know this sounds crazy, but
I don't know where this ends
I don't know what I'm in
I can't see down the road
But it don't matter long as I got you
My world could fall apart
This life could get to hard
There's so much that I can loose
But it don't matter long as I got you

          

I rush down the hallways of the venue, and look at the two ties in my hands. Justin insisted, I go to wardrobe and get them so he could pick out which one he wanted for the first show, even though he had several laying in his dressing room already.     

I tried to convince him that a tie, is just a tie, but he wouldn't hear a word of it. He claims the tie, is the centerpiece of the outfit.    

If I didn't know better, I'd swear he's gay. Then again, I guess I should be glad that every article of his clothing, isn't bedazzled anymore.    

I enter his dressing room and find him perched on the couch, biting his nails and staring at the floor. I know he's agonizing over every small detail, because he's scared shitless.     

For a guy who seems so cocky, he has some major self doubt when it comes to his work. He's always so afraid that something will go terribly wrong, and he'll end up looking like a joke. He should know by now, that he's going to go out there and be incredible, just like he has thousands of times before.    

He could go out there, fall on his face, and sing the alphabet song, and people would still think he was the greatest thing since sliced bread.    

"Alright...light blue, or white?"
    

"Blue." He mumbles quietly. I hand him the tie, and he quickly strolls over to the mirror and puts it on.     

There's roughly 15 minutes until show time and I can already hear the crowd getting restless. I haven't been able to go look, but I'm sure the place is jam packed. A lot of buzz has been generated about this tour, and it's pretty much the hottest ticket in town.    

Who ever would have thought, a tour that sounds like a name for a bad porno, would be a big deal? 

I'm really proud of him, though. Words can't even begin to describe how great it is to see him finally getting the recognition he's been striving for, his entire life. He's got the critics and the public on his side, and that's a feat in itself.     

"Well?" He asks and bites his lip, as he turns to face me.    

His suit is simple and black, but the light blue tie does set it off a little. Alright...alright... alright, his stupid tie IS the centerpiece of his outfit. There...I said it.    

"You look good." I smile and he breathes a sigh of relief.    

"Are you hanging back here, or watching?"
    

"Watching, of course. Your Mom's saving me a seat."    

"Cool." He nods, before turning back to study his reflection in the mirror.     

The room is silent until there's a knock at the door, and we both jerk our heads toward it. Justin visibly tenses, and I have to bite back a laugh.     

He is so incredibly adorable when he's nervous. He's jumpy and shaky, and it's like, you just want to protect him.     

He follows me to the door, but before I can open it, he grabs my arm and turns me around to face him.  He's slightly paler than he was a minute ago, and for a split second, I wonder if he's going to throw up on me.    

"Take a deep breath. Calm down. You'll be amazing...as usual." I smile.    

He pulls me into a tight hug, and buries his face in my neck. "This is so weird without Lauren and Trace." He says softly.    

I nod in agreement, pat him on the back, and pull away from him. "Come on...you don't want to run behind."    

I open the door, and step out into the hallway. He grabs my hand, and laces our fingers together, while giving me a sheepish smile. Part of me knows, I should probably pull my hand away, but he needs some type of comfort right now, and if holding my hand is what he needs...I'm ok with that.     

His security team meets us at the door, leading us down the hallway, and right away, I see the change in him. He shoulders relax, his steps go from quick and short, to long, slow strides, he starts cracking jokes, and laughing loudly with his bodyguards.     

The only sign of my Justin, is the fact that his hand is still wrapped firmly around mine.    

As many times as I see it, I just can't get used to watching him perform. He's a completely different person while he's on that stage. I know the rest of the world sees their idol, but all I see, is that curly haired boy from Memphis, who used to eat dirt.     

We stop in front of a large white door, and Justin looks over at me, a huge grin on his face.    

"This is it."    

"Yeah, good luck." I smile as I pull my hand from his. "I'll see you at the hotel."    

He nods, then quickly lunges forward, and plants his lips on mine. Lately, this seems to be a habit of his. He'll catch me completely off guard and kiss me, for no apparent reason.    

The side of me that laid out all the rules for us, is a little irritated, but side that's still madly in love with him, thinks it's a little romantic.     

I hear the security team whistle, and make a few cat calls around us, and Justin smiles against my mouth, before slowly coaxing it open with his tongue. I still can't figure out how he's so damn good at this.     

I finally take a step back, and try to catch my breath. He winks at me, and before I know it, he's disappeared through that door, and I'm alone, my mind still reeling from being kissed like that.    

After a minute or two, I'm told to head to my seat. I quickly make my way out into the arena, and it takes me awhile to spot Lynn, but when I do finally find her...I can't stop the stupid grin from forming on my face.    

She is absolutely beaming with pride, as she looks around at the sold out crowd, all screaming for her son. That has to be a pretty unreal thing to see, to know that you brought this amazing, insanely talented man into the world.     

I ease into my seat next to her, and she looks over at me, that excited, proud smile never leaving her face.     

"I'm so happy for him!" She squeals, and is practically bouncing in her chair.     

"Calm down Lynn...Jesus...you're acting like this is his first show."    

My head snaps over in the direction of that familiar voice, and I have to fight the urge to scream in his face. I...oh my God...I can't believe they're here!    

"Hey, Al." Trace smirks, as Lauren waves at me.     

"What are you all doing here? You're supposed to be in Memphis!"    

"You honestly thought we were going to miss the first show? When have we ever missed the first show of a tour?" Lauren giggles and shakes her head. "Justin has no clue we're here."    

"That's...wow...you guys...that's amazing."    

"Yeah, we had it planned for awhile. We're leaving tomorrow afternoon, though." Trace frowns.    

Before I can respond, the arena goes black, and the stage is lit by God knows how many, red lights. A recording of Justin's low chant from the album, echoes through the building, and I swear, every person here is screaming as loud as their vocal chords will allow.    

The four of us rise to our feet, and Lynn is screaming, and jumping around like the 14 year old girls filling these seats.     

The round platform in the middle of the stage slowly begins to rise, and I can just barely see the top of Justin's head. I didn't think it was possible, but the volume of the screaming has doubled. Justin is finally completely on stage, and I can clearly see a small smirk on his face.    

I always swore, I would never jump around, and scream like an idiot at one of his shows, but for some reason...I can't stop myself. It's like, there's this electricity in the air, and I can't ignore it. Even Trace, who normally stands completely still, is bobbing his head to the music, and cheering.    

Watching Justin on stage, is mesmerizing. His every move is flawless, and he makes it look so easy, like he hasn't spent months in rehearsals, crafting each step to perfection.    

How stupid am I? I mean, seriously...what woman, in her right mind, would continuously fight him off? What the hell is wrong with me?    

Sure, he's made mistakes, and he isn't perfect...but who is? I mean, who really wants to be with someone who is perfect? Granted, life would be easier, but wouldn't it be kind of boring?     

I'll take Justin, over perfection, any day.      

Tonight, I'm going to put myself out there. I'm going to tell him everything I'm feeling, and pray to God, he still wants me.    

Tonight, I'm going to get him back.

**********************************    

I slide into a booth with Lauren and Trace, trying to ignore the stench of liquor and smoke. Justin has yet to show up, but I can already feel the knots forming in my stomach.     

I really don't know why I'm so nervous. It's not like being with him is something new for me. It's just...it's been so long, it's been just a few months, but so much has happened, and it feels like it's been years.     

Part of me knows, this is what he wants too, but there's still that little bit of doubt there. What if, after one show, he's ready to jump back into his Hollywood, party boy lifestyle? What if I just don't fit in his plan?    

Granted, I doubt he'd be moving back to Tennessee, if he wanted to go back to that life.    

I still can't really decide, if I actually want to move back. I agreed to it, for him. He was just so...excited, and when he said he wouldn't do it without me, I couldn't say no. I don't want to be responsible for him being miserable, and I know he hates the constant media attention.     

I guess, that was my biggest draw to moving, getting him away from the things he hates so much. He just wants to do what he loves, he doesn't want all the other bullshit that goes with it, and in Tennessee, he can get that.     

I check the time on my phone, and fight the urge to roll my eyes. It's nearing one a.m. He should have been here by now.     

Lynn opted to back out of the after-party, so after the show, she made her way backstage to see Justin, before she headed home.     

I would much rather be in my room, crawling into bed, but I wasn't going to miss the chance to spend some time with Lauren and Trace. Plus, it was his first show...so this after-party is kind of a big deal.    

Normally, I avoid these things all together. Really, they're just an opportunity for Justin to mingle with his fans, and the dancers. He'll usually show up, hang around for an hour or two, then head back to the bus or the hotel.    

However, the parties for the first and last shows, are a little different. A lot of the industry people, and tour sponsors show up, and Justin has to spend most of the evening kissing ass.    

Suddenly, every person in the club starts to whisper, and look toward the door. As many of these things as I've been to, I know exactly what that means.    

"It's about fucking time." Trace mutters and rolls his eyes. "All the idiot had to do was get a shower, and get dressed. How does that take two hours?"    

"He probably got caught up with Lynn." I shrug, and crane my neck to see him.    

He's barely even in the door, and there's already a crowd forming around him. The show was fantastic, and apparently, everyone wants to congratulate him. I've got a funny feeling we're going to be here for awhile.     

Almost another hour passes, before Justin breaks away from his adoring public, and makes his way over to our table. At the sight of Lauren and Trace, his jaw hits the floor, and there's no mistaking that shocked, excited look on his face.    

I knew he'd be thrilled to see them, especially Trace.     

When the four of us toured together, we could balance each other out. If there was too much testosterone, or estrogen flowing, we could split up and go our separate ways. Now, Justin and I, don't have that luxury.    

Well...he does, but I'm kind of stuck with him, or I'm on my own, since I have no desire to pal around with his female dancers.    

They're nice girls and all, but they're a little on the skanky side. I'm sure, any one of them would sleep with Justin in a heartbeat, if they got the chance.    

He slides into the booth next to me, and gives me a small smile.    

"You were amazing tonight." I say seriously.    

"Yeah, man. The show was fucking awesome. You totally killed it." Trace nods in agreement.    

"It wasn't bad." Justin shrugs. "There were a lot of mistakes. I guess, everybody was kind of nervous since it was the first show."    

"Please." Lauren rolls her eyes and giggles. "I did not see a single mistake. Justin, it was great."

"It wasn't anything anybody but me would notice. Missed cues, wrong steps...stuff like that. It's cool though."    

"Justin, the show tonight was really good."A pretty blonde smiles, as she appears in front of our table.    

"Thanks." Justin nods, before returning his attention to us. "Guys, this is Darcy, my new stylist."    

She smiles brightly at Lauren and Trace, but when her eyes land on me, that smile falls a little.     

"So, you're filling Lauren's shoes, huh?" Trace asks and takes a sip of his drink. "How's it been so far?"    

"It hasn't been easy, that for sure. Justin's been a huge help, though." She giggles and I can't help but roll my eyes.    

This girl might think she's slick, but I know exactly what she's doing, and I'm sure Justin does too.    

We've dealt with her type thousands of times over the years. She just wants to get close to Justin, probably for the money, or to have her face splashed across the tabloids. I'll play nice for now, but if she gets too close, I have no problem telling her to back off.  I'll do whatever I need to, to protect Justin from having yet another person like that, enter his life.    

It absolutely kills me, that people only want to be around him for one reason. If they'd take the time to really get to know him, they'd see how amazing he really is. But, apparently having money and success cancels out the importance of your personality.    

Justin and life size Barbie chit chat for awhile, before she finally struts off. As she walks away, Trace and Justin share a look, and I know, they're checking her out.    

Boys really are pathetic sometimes.    

"Well, I don't know about ya'll, but I'm ready to go." Justin yawns loudly and stretches his arms above his head.    

The four of us file out of the booth, and Justin's security team quickly surrounds us as we head for the door.    

Once we reach the hotel, Trace and Lauren head to their own room, while Justin and I do the same.     

Once I'm in the comfort of my hotel room, I start rushing around at a frantic pace. I shower quicker than I ever have, and rummage through my suitcase.    

I can't explain it, but...I want to look good. Like, really good. I want him to think that he never has to look at another woman again.    

But, I am no good at this kind of crap. Normally, I'd show up at his door, in my flannel pajamas, but tonight...is different. It has to be perfect.    

I dial Lauren's number as quickly as my shaky hands will allow, tell her I need her help, then I sit down to wait.

******************************    

I tug awkwardly at the hem of the short black, silk robe, Lauren forced me into wearing, and look around to make sure there's no one in the hallway.     

When I asked for Lauren's help, I wasn't expecting her to make me dress like a slut. I figured, she'd help me pick out something nice, then help with my hair and make-up, but oh no. Lauren never does simple, which is why I'm running around in nothing but my underwear, and a robe.   

It's damn near four in the morning, and I'll be shocked if Justin's even awake, much less prepared to talk about all of this.     

I finally reach his door, and hesitate before I knock. What if this doesn't work?    

I look down at myself, and smirk. Who am I kidding? Of course it's going to work. Justin's always been a sucker for half naked women.    

I knock loudly, and right away, I can hear him cursing and muttering to himself. I probably could have waited until morning, but I just didn't want to. I need to be back with him.     

The door swings open, and right away, the anger on his face fades. He looks me up and down a few times, before his eyes finally meet mine, and he swallows hard.    

"Uh...he-hey...Al." He stutters, and I can't help but smile at him. He really is too cute for his own good.    

"Can I come in?"    

"Oh, um...yeah, yeah..come in." He takes a step back and opens the door, allowing me to enter the room.    

Just as I suspected, it's a mess. His suitcases are open, clothes spilling out onto the floor,and there's several pairs of shoes thrown about. It amazes me how, everywhere he goes, he manages to make himself at home.     

"So, what's up?" He sits down on the edge of the bed, and stares at me.    

It may sound kind of silly, but seeing him look at me like that, has given me a whole new sense of confidence. I guess, I'll have to thank Lauren for convincing me to wear this, because obviously, Justin is appreciating it.     

I straddle his lap, slide my arms around his neck, and smile when his eyes widen. Since the first time we got together, he's been the one making all of the moves, but those days are over. He needs to know, that I need and want him, just as much as he needs and wants me.    

"So...I've been thinking..." I say quietly, and graze my lips across his neck.    

"Oh...oh...umm...really?"    

"Mm hmm." I hum out a response and grin at how nervous he is.    

"So, uhh...what..what have you been thinking about?"    

"Well..." I smile, and move hands down to the hem of his T-shirt and quickly pull it over his head. "I've been thinking about you...and me...and, then when you kissed me today before the show, I knew I needed to do something."    

He kisses me slowly, taking the time to really explore my mouth, and I can't help but smile at the feeling of his hands fumbling with the tied belt of my robe.     

Why did I let myself fight him off for so long? I love him, and there's no reason to not be with him. All of the issues between us, were minor. We could have worked through them, but I was too proud, and too stubborn to listen to him. He did nothing but try, and all I did, was push him away. But now, I'll do whatever I have to, to make it up to him.    

"Holy shit, Al." He sighs once he finally gets my robe open. "Damn, girl."    

I roll my eyes and giggle as I look down at my black, lacy bra and panties. "Lauren talked me into it."    

"Remind me to thank her later." He smirks, before his lips crash against mine again.    

He slides us back onto the bed, never breaking our contact, and before I know it, I'm laying flat on my back, with him hovering over me. He pulls away to catch his breath, and I know, this is my chance.    

"Justin, I wanna get back together." His eyes seem to light up, and a silly grin appears on his face.    

Thank you, God. Because even though I had hopes this would go well, I was still terrified of how he'd react.    

Before he can respond, there's a loud knock on the door, and confusion registers on both of our faces.    

"I swear to God, if you answer that door...I will leave right now." I whisper harshly.     

He chuckles softly and rolls his eyes. "I answered for you, didn't I? It might be important."    

He crawls off of the bed, and pads over to the door, while I quickly slip under the covers. Who the hell is going to show up at his door, at four-thirty in the morning?    

I mean, yeah, ok...I did, but I had a perfectly good excuse.     

When he opens the door, I hear a soft giggle, and roll my eyes in disgust. Is this chick for real? I mean, I get that she's new around here, and probably wants someone to hang out with, but Justin is off limits.    

I guess my protective side is kicking in, because I'd love to get out of this bed, and go slam that door right in her face.    

"Darcy, what the hell are you doing here? It's almost five a.m." Justin sighs in frustration.    

"Well, I was thinking...maybe we could have a little celebration of our own." She holds up a bottle of champagne and giggles stupidly.    

"Look...I appreciate the offer, but it's late, my girlfriend is here..."
    

"Oh, you have a girlfriend?" Her tone isn't as light anymore, but I can tell she's still trying to fake enthusiasm.    

"Yes. I've had a girlfriend for quite awhile."    

I smile proudly at that statement, and shake my head. I really don't deserve him. Even though he can be kind of stupid sometimes, he's been nothing but good to me.     

"Oh, alright...well, sorry I bothered you."
    

"It's cool." He shrugs. "Night, Darcy." He closes the door, and crawls back into bed with me.    

"So, you've had a girlfriend for awhile, huh? Maybe I should get the hell out of here before she comes back, then."    

"Cute." He rolls his eyes and pulls me against him, his hands settling on my hips. "You're sure about this? You really want to get back together?"    

I kiss him quickly and nod. "Yeah, I do. I love you, Justin. More than I ever thought I could, and I just...I'm tired of trying to be logical. I want to put everything behind us, and just start over."    

"Gee, that sounds familiar...I could have sworn someone else wanted to do that to begin with." He laughs and rolls his eyes.     

I slap his arm playfully and giggle. "Shut up."    

"C'mon, Al. I wanna hear you say it." He smiles wickedly and pokes my side. "I was right, you were wrong."    

"I wasn't wrong."    

"Woman, you were wrong...and you know it."    

"Ya know...I'd kind of planned on having sex with you tonight, but I guess I can go back to my own room." I shrug and move to sit up, but he's quicker than I am, and tackles me onto my back.    

"You're not going anywhere. You're stuck with me now." He grins, then places his lips on mine.    

Call me a sap, but I don't think there's anywhere in the world, I'd rather be.    

I don't know what's going to happen, or how this will play out a second time around, but we're together, and that's all that matters.

"I Got U"-Blake Lewis

Well I was moving at the speed of sound.
Head-spinning, couldn't find my way around, and
Didn't know that I was going down.
Where I've been, well it's all a blur.
What I was looking for, I'm not sure.
Too late and didn't see it coming.
       

The last five weeks, have been the absolute best five weeks of my life.    

I've toured the world, won awards, met my heroes, and done things most people can only dream of doing, but none of that compares to waking up and seeing Ally laying next to me, everyday.    

The last five weeks have been amazing, the tour is going ten times better than I could have imagined, and for the first time in my life, I'm completely at ease.    

Plus, Ally can't keep her damn hands off of me, and by no means, am I complaining. The first time we were together, I had no problem with our sex life. I was more than satisfied, but since we've been back together, things have gotten much more...frequent, in that department.    

I just can't get over how much things have changed, in such a short period time, and I definitely can't ignore the fact that things took a turn for the better, once Charlie Walters was taken out of the picture.    

But, I'm done worrying about the past. I'm going to focus on now.     

The first time we were together, I wasted too much time worrying about things that had happened, or were going to happen, and I lost Ally because of it. Now, I'm going to take everything day by day, because I can't lose her again.    

Ally rolls over next to me, throws her arm over my stomach, and I can't help but smile.     

It probably sounds kind of weird, but I think this, is when she looks her best. First thing in the morning, when her hair is all wild, and she doesn't have an ounce of make-up on her face. Either way, she's gorgeous, but without it, she's got this natural thing going, and it's breathtaking.    

Her face scrunches up, before she yawns loudly, and her eyes flutter open. She smiles lazily at me, and scoots closer, nudging my arm until I slide it around her, and pull her against my side.    

"Happy Birthday." She says sleepily, that smile never leaving her face. "26.... How old do you feel?" She giggles as I roll my eyes.    

I never did enjoy being the oldest of the four of us. Even when we were kids, I caught a bunch of shit for being almost six months older than the three of them. Their Birthdays are all in the middle of the summer, and about a month apart. They used to have this huge joint Birthday party when we were growing up, so I'm kind of the outsider.    

"I'm not old." I pout. She giggles and straddles my stomach.    

"Ok, ok...you're not old. You're....experienced. How's that sound?"
    

"Not much better." I chuckle and roll my eyes.    

"So, what are we doing today, Birthday boy?" I groan, and rub my face a few times before giving her a blank look.    

I haven't put any thought into my Birthday this year. There's just been way too much going on lately. Plus, this is my first whole day off since the tour started, my family, Lauren and Trace aren't around, so it's kind of like, what's the point?     

"I don't know. It's not really a big deal this year."    

She frowns a little, but quickly replaces it with a smile. "How about...we spend the whole day here. We'll get room service, watch movies, and just be totally lazy."

"That could work."    

"Well, it should. Too much excitement might wear your old ass out, and then you'd be completely useless to me."    

"You're hilarious." I roll my eyes and smile sarcastically at her.    

This, is probably the best part about being with her. She's such a simple girl, and it doesn't take much to make her happy.    

The women in my past, always wanted limos, expensive dinners, jewelry, or to rub elbows with celebrities. Ally, on the other hand, is perfectly content to lay around in her pajamas, and do absolutely nothing, as long as I'm with her.    

She's the first girl I've been with, who just wants me, and that's a huge weight off my shoulders. I'm not having to constantly question or doubt her. She just wants to be with me.    

However, if she wanted all of that other stuff, all she'd have to do, is say the word. I would gladly give her the world if she asked for it.     

She places a few kisses up my neck, but stops when she reaches my mouth. She pulls back a little, and stares at me with an intensity, I don't think I've ever seen in her eyes before.     

I don't know what she's thinking or feeling, but I know it's about me.    

"You alright?" She nods, her eyes never leaving mine, chews on her bottom lip nervously for a few minutes, before she responds.    

"Justin...are you sure this is what you want? Me, I mean. Because if it's not...say the word. If you want to date around or whatever..."        

I kiss her to shut her up, and before I even realize it, she's underneath of me, holding onto my arms like she'll never let go.        

"Ally, are you insane? I mean seriously...what the hell makes you think stuff like that?"    

"I don't know. It's like, things are almost too good, ya know?"

"And the problem with that would be?" I laugh and shake my head. "You think way too much. Just be happy, and enjoy it, alright?"

"Right. You're right." She nods.    

"Of course I'm right. In case you haven't noticed, I'm always right." I smirk, as she shifts underneath of me, and I can feel that familiar strain building up in the pit of my stomach.    

I don't think I'll ever get tired of making love to her. I can't get enough of the way her body fits mine so perfectly, or the way my name rolls off of her tongue. I swear to God, I'm addicted to this woman.    

She shifts again, and smiles shyly. She knows exactly what she's doing to me, right now.    

"You wanna?" She asks and bites her lip.    

I roll my eyes and smile sarcastically. "No, Al. I want to go for a nice long walk."    

"Alright. If that's what you want." She shrugs and giggles softly.    

I attack her neck with my mouth, and grin at all of the little sighs and noises she makes. In a way, I guess we're making up for lost time.    

I have to say, our break-up was by far, the strangest one I've ever experienced. I'm the type to cut all ties with my ex's, but I couldn't bring myself to do that with her. She was still my best friend, and I wasn't going to let that go.    

Ally groans loudly, and whispers my name. Unfortunately, I know I'm not the one causing that noise. There's a loud knock on the door, and I'm trying my best to blow it off.    

"Ignore it." I mumble as my hands slide to the waist band of her shorts.    

I don't give a shit, who is on the other side of that door. They are not interrupting my Birthday sex. God himself, couldn't pull me away from her right now.    

"They aren't leaving." She sighs in annoyance as another knock echoes through the room.    

Somebody better be dead, or seriously injured, and if they aren't now...they will be.    

I climb out of bed angrily, and throw a shirt on before heading for the door. I look out the peephole quickly, and roll my eyes at the sight of that long blonde hair.    

Darcy's a nice girl and everything, but holy shit...she's annoying, and this is becoming a habit of hers. Ally and I will just get something started, and she shows up at my door, or calls.     

I'm beginning to think she has my hotel rooms bugged or something.    

Honestly, it wouldn't be that big of a deal, if she'd go away when I don't answer, but she makes herself impossible to ignore. She'll pound on the door until I can't take it anymore, and open. And, when she calls...the phone rings off the hook until I answer.    

I've tried everything. I've turned off my phone, changed hotel rooms...it's like, she just won't get the fucking hint.     

I open the door and force a smile, when I see her standing there with a cake. She smiles brightly, and holds it out, showing me the "Happy Birthday Justin", scrawled neatly across the top of it.    

There is about to be one seriously pissed off brunette in this room.    

"Happy Birthday!" Darcy squeals happily, and I close my eyes as I hear the bathroom door slam hard behind me.   

Shit.    

"Thanks, Darce." I nod and take the cake as she passes it to me. She pushes past me into the room, and I'm silently thanking God, that Ally went into the bathroom.     

I know she's pissed, but I don't even want to think about what she'd do, if she was face to face with Darcy right now.     

She's been doing a good job of biting her tongue, but I know Darcy and her surprise visits, are starting to wear thin on Ally's nerves.    

I mean, it is a little annoying, but I kind of feel bad for the girl. She came into this whole thing at the very end of the promotion, and even then, Lauren was still handling most of the work load. She never got the chance to get to know anybody, and she's just trying to make some friends, and fit in.    

However, I don't think she realizes, that there's certain lines you don't cross, and you definitely don't piss off my girlfriend.    

I've been on the receiving end of Ally's temper, more times than I care to count, and it's not a pleasant experience.    

"So, I was thinking...since you've been so great about helping me adjust to touring and everything, I'd like to take you to dinner for your birthday." She smiles brightly.    

I can distinctly hear things being thrown around, and slammed in the bathroom. I shut my eyes, and take a deep breath. This really is not fun.    

"Darcy, that's really nice, but you don't have to do that."    

"I insist. It's the least I could do. I won't take no for an answer, Justin."    

"I'd love to, but I already have plans...with my girlfriend."    

She frowns, then nods slowly. "I understand. Rain check?"

"Yeah, sure."    

"Alright...well, I'll see you later." She squeezes my arm gently as she walks past, then lets herself out.    

Great. My big stupid ass mouth just agreed to go to dinner with my stylist, who I'm pretty sure, wants to get in my pants. I really am a dipshit sometimes. But, maybe I can dodge her for awhile, and hopefully, she'll forget all about it.    

I seriously doubt it, but anything's possible, right?    

I knock softly on the bathroom door, but get no response. I'm really not surprised at the silent treatment. It's Ally's specialty.    

Rather than confront the issue at hand right away, she'll spend days ignoring you until she's calmed down a little, then out of nowhere, she'll explode.    

"She's gone, Al." After a minute or so, the door is jerked open, and she glares at me before folding her arms over her chest and leaning against the door frame.    

This is so not how I want to spend my birthday.    

"What's wrong?" Maybe, if I play the stupid and innocent card, I can weasel my way out of this, and we can go back to the fun stuff.    

"What's wrong?" She laughs bitterly and shakes her head. "I'll tell you what's wrong...you just made a date with your psycho stalker stylist!" She storms past me, and hops back into bed, pulling the covers up around her neck.    

"I did not make a date with her. She wants to take me to dinner for my birthday. She'll probably get the whole crew to go."    

"Justin, don't be an idiot." She mutters and rolls her eyes.    

"I said no...doesn't that count for anything?"    

"Correction...you said no for today, but agreed to go another time. That's the same as saying yes."    

"I'll find a way out of it. Trust me." I slide into bed next to her, and pull her against me. She doesn't push me away, but she's stiff in my arms and she keeps her arms folded across her chest. "Or, I'll just take you with me, and let you be a bitch the whole time."    

She cracks a small smile, and I know, her anger is subsiding. Thank God, because I do not want to spend all damn day, kissing her ass and apologizing.    

If anybody's supposed to get their ass kissed today, it's me. I'm the Birthday boy.    

Yeah I know, I sound like a little kid. Who cares?    

"You're not allowed to be mad at me today, you know. It's my birthday. You have to do whatever I say." I shoot her a cheesy grin. She giggles and rolls her eyes, before slapping my arm.    

"Oh please. The last time we played that game was on your 10th Birthday, and we convinced Trace to climb that tree, and he fell out and broke his arm."    

"It wasn't my fault the dumb ass couldn't climb a tree." I shrug as she slides her arms around my neck.    

I don't expect things to always be perfect, but I know it can't go as wrong as it did before.     

I'm focusing on the here and now, but I know...this thing between us, is going to last the rest of our lives, and that's exactly how I want it.

********************************    

"What are you doing?"
    

"Looking at houses."    

"Why?"    

"Gee, Justin...maybe because we're moving?" She sighs in frustration, her eyes never leaving her laptop.    

I nod and plop down next to her on the couch, and try to get a look at the screen, but she quickly jerks it away.        

"You know... I was planning on having the house built, right?"    

"And it'll be some huge house with too many rooms that we don't need. If you're keeping the house in L.A, why waste the money, and build another big ass house?"    

"I need a studio." I shrug.    

"And that's why I'm looking at houses with basements." She rolls her eyes and scoots away from me. "Shouldn't you be at sound check or something?"    

I don't get her deal today. She's moody and mean and just...ugh. Yesterday, she was fine. We laid around all day, watching movies and pigging out. It was the perfect way to spend my birthday, if you ask me.      

Today, it's like she woke up on the wrong side of the bed or something. Anything I say or do, seems to annoy her, and she's spent a good portion of the afternoon avoiding me. It doesn't make any sense, but that's Ally for ya.    

"I don't have sound check for another hour. I thought I'd hang out with you until then."      

She smiles and sets the laptop on the table, making sure to turn the screen away from me. If she's looking for a house, why does she keep hiding that damn thing?    

Something weird is going on around here.    

"Can I see the houses you were looking at?"    

"Oh..umm...no. You wanted to hang out, let's hang out."     

She smiles, but I'm not backing down. I lunge forward and reach for the laptop, but she's quicker than I am, and grabs it first. She closes out the open windows, then hands it to me.    

"Ally, what the hell?"    

"Justin, it's my computer. Just let it go."    

"I don't think so. Since when do you hide shit from me?"    

"I don't...I just...I deserve some privacy, don't I?"    

Alright, now I'm convinced, something's going on, and whatever it is...can't be good.     

"What's going on?"

"Fine..." She sighs and grabs the laptop out my hands. She types away for a few minutes, then finally hands it back to me. "There, that's what I was looking at."    

I look at the web page, and frown. She always manages to make me look like a jackass.

I browse through some of the text, then look over at her. "Why didn't you say something?"

"It was supposed to be a surprise, you idiot. I thought it'd be cool...once the tour's over, and Lauren has the baby...the four of us could go away for a week, and just hang out. One of the security guys was telling me about this resort in Hawaii, that he stayed at with his wife, and I thought I'd check it out." She shrugs.     

Sometimes, I really wonder why she puts up with me. I'm a jealous, paranoid freak, and she doesn't deserve that. I've gotten better about trusting her, but sometimes, when something looks funny, I tend to fall back into being suspicious. It's only natural, I think. I really can't help it.     

"I'm sorry, Al."    

"It's not a big deal." She shrugs. "Anyway...I'm hungry." She pats my knee, before standing up and heading for the door.    

I feel like an asshole. She had this really great idea, and I completely ruined it. I mean, we can still go...but it definitely won't be as cool.     

I walk up behind her, turn her around, and pin her against the door. "I really am sorry." I say quietly and kiss her slowly.     

She nods and slides her arms around my neck, deepening the kiss. Just as my hands are about to slip under her shirt, there's a loud knock on the door, and we both jump.    

"Justin, I swear to God...if that's her...I'm getting a restraining order." Ally whispers as I move to open the door.     

There's no hiding the shock on my face, or Ally's, the second that door is opened. I turn to look at her, and her mouth is hanging wide open. I can tell she's trying to form the right words, but nothing seems to be coming.     

The three of us stand there, staring at each other for what feels like hours, before Ally finally finds her voice.    

"Charlie? What are you doing here?"

"Crashed"-Daughtry

It's so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear cause you are all that I have
You're cinematic razor sharp
A welcome arrow through the heart
Under your skin feels like home
Electric shocks on aching bones
There is a darkness deep in you
A frightening magic I cling to
It's so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear cause you are all that I have         

"Charlie? What are you doing here?"    

I swear to God, I can actually feel my head spinning. There's absolutely no reason for him to be here.     

I honestly believed I'd put that whole mess behind me. I specifically told him, I couldn't be around him after what he tried to do to Justin. It was just so stupid. Hiding the story boards for that video, was completely senseless.     

And, I can't believe he has the nerve to show his face around here again.    

"She asked you a question." Justin glares at Charlie, then wraps his arms around me protectively.    

"Johnny actually sent me out to discuss some things with you, Justin. But, if this is a bad time, I can come back later."    

I can tell he's trying as hard as he can, to be professional, but I can clearly see the regret in his eyes. Maybe, I was wrong for being so hard on him. After all, his actions didn't have any impact on the video, and he admitted that he was wrong.    

"Like what?" Justin asks, tightening his grip on my waist.    

"Well, first there's the next video, and they're tossing around the idea of doing a live special...probably for HBO. But, like I said...if now is a bad time, I can come back."

"I'm free tomorrow morning." Justin shrugs. "We can grab breakfast." Charlie nods, then quickly disappears down the hallway.    

"Breakfast with Charlie? That'll be a barrel of freakin monkeys." I roll my eyes as Justin lets go of me, and we exit his dressing room.    

"Yeah, I'll let you know how it goes." He smiles, then laces his fingers through mine, and we head down the hallway.    

"You won't have to do that, since I'll be there."    

"No. You won't."    

"So...you're saying I'm not allowed to go?" I arch an eyebrow at him, and he's still grinning like an idiot.    

"That's exactly what I'm saying. I don't want you anywhere near that asshole."    

"Justin, as your assistant...I think I need to be there. Somebody needs to know what the hell is going on around here."    

"Ally, come on...why would you even want to go? You said you didn't want to see him again. It'll be boring as shit anyway. Basically, I'm protecting you, if you really think about it."    

"Whatever." I roll my eyes as we approach the catering room and step inside.    

Clearly, he still isn't over the whole Charlie thing. In a way, I understand, but this has nothing to do with any of our personal issues. It's a business meeting, and being the person who handles all of his scheduling, I need to be there.    

I'll need to coordinate the dates for the video shoot, and if they're going to do a live special, I'll need to know when, so I can clear his schedule.    

If I could depend on Justin to write things down, and know his own damn schedule, it wouldn't be a big deal, but he never knows what's going on from one minute to the next. And, that's really not his fault. He's got so many things to worry about on a daily basis, so it's completely normal for some things to get lost in the shuffle. That's why I'm here.    

The whole purpose of my job is to remember all of the things that Justin can't. Unfortunately, he's too wrapped up in personal shit, to realize that.    

Deep down, I kind of knew there would come a time where we would cross paths with Charlie again. The man is the best video producer in the business, and Johnny demands nothing but the best for Justin, and his career.     

Justin had the idea stuck in his head, that Charlie was gone forever, but I knew better.    

I knew it would happen, I just didn't expect it so soon. I figured it would be several months down the road, after everyone had time to really get over everything that happened.    

I don't even really want to see Charlie, but I have to look at this from the business side of things, and I know, I should be there.    

Whether Justin likes it or not, I will be sitting in on his little meeting with Charlie.

*******************************************    

I stroll into the hotel restaurant and right away, I spot Justin and Charlie seated at a table in the corner. Justin looks bored out of his mind, while Charlie talks animatedly. I can only assume that Charlie is rambling off the details of everything Johnny has planned, and naturally...Justin isn't paying any attention.    

Further proof that I need to be here.     

I make my way to the table, and both of their heads snap up in my direction. Charlie nods and smiles politely, while Justin glares at me.     

"Morning, boys." I smile and slide into the booth, next to Justin.     

"Good morning, Ally." He says through gritted teeth.    

"Ally...I'm actually glad you're here..." Charlie pulls a folder from his brief case, and lays it in front of me. "Everything you'll need is in here. The dates, contact numbers, and I believe there's an itinerary for the live special. HBO is picking it up, and they'd like to run a mini-documentary with it, so you'll need to clear the week around that show."    

"Sounds good." I nod and flip through the pages.     

"Yeah...I was going to tell you all about it." Justin mutters.    

"I'm sure you were, sweetie." I smile condescendingly and pat his cheek. "Anything else, Charlie?"    

"Actually, yeah...Johnny wants me to hang around for a few weeks to make sure you're able to coordinate everything for the live shows, so I'm going to need all of the paperwork you've got on the scheduling for the next month or two. Justin's got everything else. So, I'll see you guys later." He smiles, before quickly sliding out of the booth, and exiting the restaurant.     

I grab a menu and browse over it, waiting for Justin to launch into a rant. I know he didn't want me here, and maybe...I should have just listened to him, but I told him a long time ago that I refused to let our relationship interfere with work. If I hadn't come down here, I'd be doing just that.     

Justin can be as upset and angry as he wants, I know I did the right thing. Besides... I was here for a whole 30 seconds, before Charlie left.     

"Thanks." He says quietly.     

"You're welcome." I nod. I definitely wasn't expecting that.     

"You knew that I'd have no idea what he was talking about, didn't you?"    

"Of course I did. I tried to tell you that, Justin. You've got to learn to separate our relationship from work, and you have to let me do my job...even if it involves someone you don't want me around. You don't see me getting all weird about Darcy."    

"Oh that is total bullshit." He laughs and shakes his head. "I even mention her name, and your eyes get all bugged out and you get pissy."    

"Only when she shows up in the middle of the night." I giggle. "When I start showing up to your fittings, then you can worry."    

"Yeah...right." He rolls his eyes playfully.         

I know that neither one of us is too happy about having Charlie around again, but we'll get through it. As long we can trust each other, the fact that he's back, and Darcy's constant intrusion, won't matter.     

We've had enough shit thrown at us through our lives, we're going to be just fine.     

Atleast, I hope so.

************************************    

"Is he still hot?"    

"Lauren!" I shriek and roll my eyes.     

"It's a completely valid question, Al. The man is gorgeous...no matter how stupid he may be. So, I want to know...is he all heartbroken and stuff...or is he still hot?"

"He's still hot." I mutter. "Totally professional, like nothing ever happened."    

"But Justin's probably wigging out, right?"    

"Big time." I sigh and rub my temples. This is causing me way too much stress.    

Justin is at soundcheck, and having nothing to do, I snuck back to the dressing room to call Lauren. I had to tell somebody about Charlie's sudden reappearance, and the fact that he'll be around for awhile.     

I'm glad that Charlie and I can keep our personal matters out of this, but I'm worried about Justin. He pretty much went crazy the last time Charlie was around, so there's really no telling what he'll do now.    

"Let him freak out. It brings the ego down a notch." She giggles. "Speaking of egos...are you alright?"    

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? I mean...it was pretty obvious that you really liked Charlie. Can you handle him brushing you off?"    

I hadn't actually thought about that. And of course, leave it to Lauren to bring it up.     

In a way, it is a little unnerving to have him show up, and act like nothing happened. I mean, this is a man who claimed he tried to sabotage my boyfriend's music video, because he didn't want to let me go. Yet, once I was gone, he made no attempt to contact me, then he waltzes back into my life, acting all professional and ignoring our recent past.     

To say I'm angry, would be a gross understatement.    

Thanks a lot, Laur.    

"Why would I care if he brushes me off? Why should I give a shit about Charlie, when I have Justin?"    

"I'm just saying, Al." She lets out a heavy sigh, and I frown.    

Unfortunately, Lauren knows me, better than I know myself. Which means, she knows that this is going to mess with me, in a big way

****************************************    

Justin strolls onto the bus and collapses on the couch, resting his head in my lap. He grins up at me, before grabbing my hand and resting it over his heart.    

I don't think he could be any more adorable if he tried.     

"Good show?"

"Perfect." He smiles proudly. "How come you didn't watch?"    

"I was putting the paperwork together for Charlie. In the morning, I have to call and cancel a bunch of stuff."    

He scrunches up his nose and rolls his eyes. "Did they ever think that maybe, I don't want to do this shit?"    

"What can I say? You're popular." I shrug.     

He's silent for a few minutes, just staring up at me, and that's when I realize...I couldn't care less how Charlie acts.     

How in the world, could anything else matter, when I have this amazing man in my life?    

I probably don't tell him anywhere near enough, but I am completely, insanely, head over heels in love with him. I don't think there's anyone in the world who could make me feel even half of what he does.     

No matter what's going on, or what kind of mood I'm in, he makes it his mission to put a smile on my face. He's never had any problem telling me exactly what I mean to him, and when I'm with him...I feel like the most amazing woman on the planet.    

How could anyone not adore that?    

I really don't deserve him, but I think knowing that, makes me appreciate him that much more. I never want to take him for granted, and I know, if I ever get to a point where I think I'm too good for him, that's exactly what will happen.    

To this day, I still can't understand why so many women have used him. I know, he's done his fair share of stupid and hurtful things, but when he's in a relationship, he puts all of himself into it.     

I defy any woman he's been serious about, to say they weren't treated like a fucking princess.     

"So...I was thinking..." He says suddenly and sits up. "What if, I called Johnny and told him to send somebody else out to take care of the live special stuff."    

"Instead of Charlie?"     

Here we go again.        

"Yeah, I mean...I don't like the guy, Al. Despite everything that happened...I just in general don't like him, and I don't think I want him handling anything that has to do with my work."    

"Justin." I sigh and shake my head. "He's the best in the business."    

"So." He shrugs. "I mean, what if I did it? Once the tour's over, I want to get more into production anyway...why not start with my own stuff?"    

"Producing music is completely different from film production."    

"You don't think I can do it?" He asks quietly, hurt written all over his face.    

I know he can do it. I just...I don't want him to stretch himself too thin. During the Justified tour, he was doing so much and by the time he was off the road, he was exhausted. He took three years off because he couldn't handle the workload. I just don't want to see him back in that position, where he's miserable and wants to give up.     

"Justin...of course I think you can do it."     

He grins and kisses me sweetly, before hopping off the couch. "I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna produce my own damn live special, and it's gonna be fucking awesome." He trots off to the back, and I can only assume he's going to call Johnny.     

I have no doubt that he's more than capable, I'm just worried that he's taking on too much at once. I mean, things have been pretty crazy around here lately. He doesn't need any more stress.    

Unfortunately, I know exactly why he's doing this, and it has nothing to do with his desire to venture into production. He wants Charlie off of the tour, and he won't stop until he gets exactly what he wants.    

I love him, but Jesus Christ, is he stubborn.

***************************************    

"Ally...wake up."    

Justin slowly trails kisses from my collarbone to my jaw, and I can't stop the smile from forming on my face. I think these are the kind of moments I love the most. The times where it's just the two of us, and we can be as sappy and adorable as we want.    

He starts to suck gently on my neck, and I have to bite my lip to keep myself quiet. I don't know how he does it, but every touch and every kiss seems to set my body on fire.    

"C'mon Al. It's no fun when you're asleep." He whines pathetically.    

I should probably open my eyes, or say something, but it's much more fun to make him work for it. Granted, it doesn't take much, but why make it easy for him? He let's out a frustrated sigh, and starts to move back to his side of the bed, but I quickly grab his wrist.     

"Don't stop." I finally open my eyes and smile at him, as a wide grin takes over his features.     

"Damnit woman....I hate when you do that." He settles on top of me and rests his hands on either side of my head.    

"But you love me." I give him a cheesy smile, and he chuckles softly before kissing my forehead.    

"Sometimes, I have no idea why."    

"Hey...not nice."    

"I'm not a nice guy."    

"Oh yeah, Justin. You're a real bad ass." I roll my eyes and giggle.    

He presses his lips to mine, and just as his hands move to the waist band of my shorts, the shrill ring of the phone echoes through our room.        

"Oh you have got to be kidding me." He leans across the bed, but instead of picking the phone up off of the stand, he pulls the chord out of the wall before returning his attention to me.    

Lately, he's been getting more and more irritated when we're together and the phone rings, or someone shows up. We don't get very much time alone, and on the rare occasions we do, he can't stand having that time interrupted.    

Honestly, I don't blame him. We're constantly surrounded by people, and sometimes...we just want to be together.    

Minutes later, his cell phone begins to vibrate on the night stand, and he rolls his eyes.     

"Ya know, this shit is getting really hard to ignore."    

"Just answer the phone, Justin." I sigh and climb out of bed as he flips his phone open.    

"Hey, Darcy." He tries to sound enthusiastic, but I can clearly hear the bored tone in his voice.    

You'd think, this girl would have gotten the hint by now. Justin does everything he can to avoid her, and has even skipped several of his fittings, to keep her from hounding him. But, she just won't give up.    

She calls him atleast three times a day, and more than that when he doesn't answer.    

Honestly, I have no idea what they talk about. I only hear one side of their conversation, and it's mostly "yeah", or "ok." Lord only knows what she babbles about.    

"Alright. I'll be down in a few." He sighs, before tossing his phone on the bed.    

"Something wrong?"

"I don't know." He rolls his eyes and pulls on a pair of jeans. "Supposedly, there's some problem with my suit for the show tonight. Darcy is freaking the fuck out. I'm gonna go down there, and see what's going on."    

"Alright. Have fun." I force a smile as he plants a kiss on my forehead.    

"You wanna go?"

"Nah. I'll hang out here."    

"Ok...I'll be back." He nods before heading out the door.    

I'm really trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but Darcy has really shitty timing. It's almost like she knows when Justin and I are alone. It's a little creepy.    

I promised myself that I wouldn't get all jealous and possessive, but I'm getting really fed up with having to constantly share my boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, I trust Justin completely, and know that he would never do anything to hurt me. But, there's no telling what a girl like Darcy is capable of.    

Suddenly, I'm realizing why Justin hates Charlie so much.

"You're All I Have"-Snow Patrol

I cheated myself,
Like I knew I would,
I told you I was trouble,
You know that I'm no good        

Nerves are a funny thing.    

I've done millions of nerve wracking things in my life, but I was always able to keep my cool. It never really mattered what I was doing because I'm Justin Timberlake, and everything I do, is flawless.    

However, knowing that in a few hours, I'll be filming a live special has sent my nerves into overdrive.     

It's stupid really. I've performed on live television thousands of times, but for some reason this is hitting me really hard.    

Maybe because my girlfriend has been M.I.A most of the last week and a half. I've had a camera crew up my ass constantly, and Ally wanted no part of that. So, I've spent most of my spare time alone, or with the crew and dancers. Unfortunately, that includes Darcy as well.    

She's been getting a little more aggressive the last few months, and it's kind of confusing me. There isn't a single person on this tour who doesn't know that I'm a happily taken man, but it's like the girl just doesn't give a shit.    

A couple weeks ago, she had me trying on new suits and I swear to God, she tried to cop a feel. Atleast, I think she did. I'm not exactly sure.    

I know, I could fire her and be done with it, but I've kind of been getting to know her and outside of her attempts at flirting, she really isn't so bad. If she'd cut that shit out, she'd be a pretty cool chick to have around.    

She's a huge movie buff, so it's cool for me to have someone to talk movies with. Especially since Ally has pretty shitty taste in music and movies.     

Plus, Darcy is pretty damn funny. I mean, she's not Ally funny or anything, but she's good for a few laughs.     

Part of me thinks that maybe I'm just reading too far into her actions. Maybe my arrogance is leading me to see things that aren't really there. For all I know, the girl has no interest in me, and just wants to hang out.    

I mean, yeah...she calls me a lot, but it's almost always about work. She's still learning the ropes and she just wants to do a good job. If you think about it, it makes sense that she'd need to call me.    

I could be wrong, but ya never know.    

Ally's been really great about the whole thing. She's always polite to Darcy, and never hassles me about the constant phone calls or surprise visits.     

Honestly, she acts the way I should have, when she was working for Charlie. Looking back on it, I know I was an asshole, but in my defense...I ended up being right. Sometimes, being a dick pays off.    

I think that's been my biggest issue with filming this documentary thing to go along with the live special. It's kind of forced Ally into spending more time with Charlie. I know, she's had to do it to get the job done, but I still don't like it.    

I tried to convince Johnny to give me complete control of the production for this thing, but he pretty much laughed in my face and told me to stick to my day job.    

In a way, I know he's right. I don't need to take on any extra work, but I'd have done just about anything if it meant getting Charlie off of this tour.    

Luckily, we've only got about a months worth of shows left, before the US leg is over. Then, I'll be off for a couple months before we start the overseas dates.     

I'll be glad to have the time off, but I wish it would have come a little sooner. Lauren is due any day now, and Ally and I are going to completely miss all of the baby craziness. Ally won't admit it, but I know she's pretty bummed about it. She really wanted to be there with Lauren, but life kind of got in the way.    

I spot her and Charlie browsing through several sheets of paper, and I head in their direction.    

I'm really not going to miss his stupid ass. I still say there's something off about him, but whatever. In a few days, he'll be gone and hopefully I won't have to deal with him anymore.    

"Hey." Ally grins and kisses me quickly before returning her attention to the paperwork in front of her. Charlie pauses to roll his eyes, then continues to ramble about camera set ups.    

I know it's kind of dick, but I have thoroughly enjoyed being able to shove mine and Ally's relationship in his face. I guess it's kind of my way of getting back at him for not leaving.    

Originally, he was supposed to be here for three weeks to oversee all of the production stuff. That three weeks has since turned into three and a half months. Apparently there was a lot more to this HBO deal than we first thought.     

Although, I still say Ally could have handled it on her own. I don't mean to brag or anything, but my girlfriend is pretty damn smart. I have no doubt that she could have organized everything by herself.    

She'd probably slap me if she ever heard me say it, but sometimes I kind of feel like I'm holding her back.     

Since the day she graduated high school, every aspect of her life has been devoted to me. I mean, I knew she wanted out of Memphis and at the time, I thought I was helping her...but now I'm not so sure.    

I know she doesn't want to move back home, even if she won't admit it. She's doing it to make me happy and that's not fair to her.    

I should probably talk to her about it, but she's been so busy with changing my schedule and adjusting dates, I just haven't had the heart to throw my bullshit at her.    

"Shit...I've got a meeting with Tim from HBO in five minutes...Al, can you...?" Charlie asks as he passes all of the paperwork to her.    

"I'll take care of it." She nods with a smile as he hurries down the hallway.    

"What is all that crap?"    

"Johnny and HBO have agreed to put out a DVD for this show, this is release statements from the dancers and the crew, plus some of the contracts from HBO."    

"Fun." I nod disinterestedly. "Wanna grab lunch?"    

"Charlie and I already ate...I've got to get this stuff faxed out...I really don't have time." She frowns.     

This is what I've been dealing with for the last two weeks. Charlie dumps all of his shit off on Ally, and I get no time with my girlfriend.    

I really cannot wait for this idiot to leave.     

"Ok...dinner later?"    

"You've got the after party tonight."    

"You atleast coming to the show?"        

"I seriously doubt it." She sighs in frustration. "I've got a million things to do, and not much time to do them, Justin."    

I quickly grab the papers from her hands and lay them on the small table, before placing my hands on her hips and backing her up against the wall.    

"Justin, come on...I really don't have time fo-"    

I cut her off with my lips and right away, I feel her relax against me.    

This is just one more thing I can't stand about her working with Charlie. He stresses her out beyond belief and she practically runs herself into the ground. I mean, it's not completely his fault since she's kind of a workaholic to begin with, but he doesn't make it any easier.    

I pull away from her to catch my breath and she smiles up at me. "How do you do that?"    

"Do what?" I ask as I untuck her shirt and slide my hands up her back.    

"Be all amazing and make me forget what the hell I'm doing."    

"I just know what buttons to push. Always have, Ally Lynn." She rolls her eyes and slaps me playfully, the smile never leaving her face. "I love you, Al." I say quietly and pull her into a tight hug.    

It sounds corny, but I have missed her so much these last several weeks, even though she was never very far away. I know I'm probably a little too clingy and needy, but I just hate not having her with me all the time.        

I know it's selfish, but I think that's why I'm afraid to bring up our decision to move back home. I mean, what if I say something and she decides she wants to stay in L.A?    

There's really no turning back now. The house is officially mine, and my Momma is furnishing it as we speak.     

If she decides to stay in California, I'll have to go back to Memphis alone, and I'm not so sure I could handle that. I don't know why, but lately I've been realizing a lot of things about our relationship, and once again...I'm questioning how this is going to work out in the long run.    

I know, I know, I know...I swore I'd focus on the present, but things are pretty stagnant right now, so I think we need to start putting some thought into our future.     

As much as I hate to say it, if she changes her mind about this move...I'm not so sure we'll have a future together.     

"I love you too...but, I've got work to do." She groans before wiggling out of my arms and tucking her shirt back into the waistband of her dress pants.     

I can feel the pout forming on my face, and I'm trying really hard to keep my mouth shut. I don't want to start a fight, but I'm beginning to feel pretty neglected.     

"I know this sucks Justin...but I can't help it." She smiles sadly and shakes her head. "Tell you what...don't drink too much at the party tonight, and when you get back...I'll make it up to you."    

"What's that supposed to mean?"    

"Justin, I think you know what it means." She smirks before grabbing her paperwork and strutting down the hallway.    

I don't know how she does it, but she always manages to leave me completely speechless.

****************************************        

I walk into the club with the band, dancers and most of the crew on my heels. As soon as we step inside, you can almost feel the excitement in our group.     

The show tonight was fantastic, and I'm beyond proud of everybody. They've all thrown themselves into these shows and have made this the best damn tour I've ever done. I honestly couldn't be happier with the way everything's been turning out.    

The only thing that could top the way I feel right now would be having Ally, Trace and Lauren here to celebrate with me.    

We make our way into the VIP section, and right away the drinks start flowing. There's a few folks from HBO and the label here, but tonight is all about me and the people who have been busting their asses to make me look good on stage every night.    

Darcy sits down next to me and smiles brightly. "Tonight was unbelievable. Absolute best show I've ever seen."    

"Thanks." I smile before taking a sip of my drink.    

"So...no girlfriend tonight, huh?"    

"Nah...she had a lot of stuff to do today, so she was pretty worn out. I should probably call her though."    

I reach for my phone and Darcy lets out a loud sigh. "I know it's not my place to say this...but she's kind of uptight. I mean, she never comes out with us, and she's always running around like crazy, complaining about how much work she has to do."    

I nod slowly and shrug. "That's just Ally. Touring kind of fries her brain a little bit."    

Darcy giggles softly and shakes her head. "I don't know, Jus...it's just weird. It's like, she never has time for you when she's working, but she's got plenty of time for that Charlie guy. But hey...you know her better than I do." She shrugs and downs the rest of her drink.    

I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty pissed that she thinks she can just start criticizing Ally. Number one, she knows nothing about her. Ally has done two tours with me now, and I know how she gets.    

I also know what her work load is like, and yeah...she doesn't get much free time. I don't necessarily like it, but I accept it. It's not like I've got hours to spare either.    

Touring takes a toll on everybody. Some people can handle it, some can't. Ally's kind of in the middle. She likes things to be simple and unfortunately, touring isn't.    

Sure, she freaks out once in awhile, but I know that's just the stress and exhaustion getting to her. I know who Ally is, inside and out. Nobody is going to change my mind about her, no matter what they say or do.    

I mean, ok...maybe to an outsider, she might seem kind of bitchy and uptight sometimes, but I know the truth and that's all that matters.     

I know she's only spending so much time with Charlie because she has to. If it was up to her, I'm sure she'd be right here with me.    

I quickly dial her number and head into the bathroom to escape the noise. After four or five rings, a voice comes over the line, but it isn't Ally's.    

"Uhh...hello?"

"Justin...hey. It's Charlie...Ally's in the bathroom. You want me to take a message?"    

"I'll call back." I snap the phone shut, and glare at it.    

It's damn near one a.m. What the hell is he doing in my hotel room, with my girlfriend? There's no fucking way they're still working this late.    

I wait ten minutes or so before dialing her number again, and this time it goes straight to her voicemail. What the fuck man?    

Normally...I would get jealous and start freaking out, but I'm going to have to trust her, no matter how badly I want to run my ass back to the hotel and see what's going on. I don't like the idea of her alone with that jackass this late, but I have to trust her.    

If I can't do that, there's no way we can keep our relationship going.    

I make my way back to the table and grab the first drink I see. I can do this. I can stay here and keep my cool.     

Ally loves me. I love her, and I trust her.    

I finish my drink quicker than expected and grab another. Each sip seems to calm me down, and I know it won't be long before images of Ally and Charlie doing God knows what, stop running through my mind.    

I can do this. I'm just overreacting.     

Honestly, what's the worst that could happen? 

************************************************    

I'd like to go on record and say that tonight has been one of the best nights of my life. From the show to the after party, I've been having a blast all night. Sometimes, I really love being me.    

I stumble into the hotel lobby and hook my arm through Darcy's for support. The more I'm around her, the more I realize that she's pretty fucking cool. I don't care what anyone says..I'm glad she's here.    

I mean, I know Ally would be all mad and shit if she heard me say that, but she's gonna have to get over it. Darcy is doing a really good job so far, and I think she'll be sticking around for awhile. Granted, she isn't Lauren, but it's close enough for me.    

We get on the elevator and it feels like hours before we reach the 15th floor. I really can't wait to get into bed. I'm tired, a little drunk and just...blah. Today's been amazing, but it's also been incredibly exhausting.     

We finally reach our floor and head down the long, dimly lit hallway, stopping in front of Darcy's room first. Before she reaches for the handle, she turns to me and grins.    

"You can come in if you want."    

"Nah, it's cool. I need to get some sleep."    

Does she think I'm an idiot? I know damn good and well what could happen if I went in her room, and I am so not setting myself up like that. There is an amazing, drop dead gorgeous woman waiting for me down the hall, and I'm not about to fuck that up.        

Once I calmed down earlier, I really got to thinking and it finally hit me that I've blown this whole Charlie thing way out of proportion.    

Ally isn't big on giving out second chances. In fact, I think I'm the only person whose ever gotten one from her. Charlie already screwed up once, and I know that no matter what he tries to pull, Ally won't fall for it. She's closed that chapter and I guarantee that once he hops on that plane in a couple days, he won't even be an afterthought for her.    

"Well, that's too bad." She pouts for a second, before breaking into a wide grin. "I had a really good time tonight."    

"Yeah...I think we all did." I chuckle and roll my eyes. "Anyway...I better get to bed. I'll see you in the morning." I turn to make my way down the hallway, but stop when Darcy calls out to me.    

"Justin...wait."        

"Yeah?" I turn back around to face her and smile awkwardly.     

Hopefully, this won't take much longer. It's almost six in the morning and I'm about ready to drop where I stand.    

"I umm...God...I know I have the worst timing with this, but I just...I really like you, Justin. Really, really like you, and I know you're with Ally but I just really needed to get that off my chest."    

Shit.    

Damnit, how did I not see this coming? The girl is up my ass constantly, always flirting with me, finding any excuse to touch me. I should have known.    

I guess, maybe I just wanted to be wrong. I wanted to believe that she was just trying to make some friends. Why am I such a God damned idiot?    

"Look, Darcy...I'm flattered, really I am. You're an awesome girl, but I..." She cuts me of as her lips crash against mine, and suddenly..I can't even breathe.    

She presses her body to mine and that familiar strain is quickly building in the pit of my stomach. Before I know it, my hands are up the front of her shirt and I feel her smile against my mouth.     

In my head, I know just how wrong this is, and I swear...I'm trying to stop but my body doesn't seem to want to listen. Darcy quickly unbuckles my belt and before I can stop her, she wraps her fingers around my dick and starts to pump slowly.    

What the fuck am I doing? Have I lost my damn mind?     

I can't do this.    

I jerk away from her and pull her hand out of my pants before taking a few steps away from her.    

"Oh God...Justin, I'm so sorry. I don't know what the hell I was thinking."    

"Darcy...this did not happen. Do you understand me?" She nods slowly and I can clearly see the tears welling up in her eyes.    

Without another word, I turn and practically run down the hallway to my own room. It's pitch black inside, and I can safely assume that Ally is sound asleep.    

I strip down to my boxers and slide into bed next to her. She stirs a little, and when she smiles up at me, I feel this intense need to be with her. I need to prove that I love her, and try to erase what just happened from my mind.     

"How was the party?" She asks sleepily and curls up next to my side.    

"It was alright."    

"That's good. I thought about coming down but after Charlie left, I was so wiped out."    

"It's fine." I mutter and slowly crawl on top of her.     

"Jus...it's late. Like, really late." She sighs as I place a few kisses along her jaw line.    

"Please Ally...just...please?" She nods and quickly pulls my shirt over my head, then places her lips on mine.    

What if she knows...I mean...what if there's some way she can tell?    

Before I know it, she's looking up at me, a small encouraging smile on her face. I can't take that look right now. It's the look that says how much I mean to her, how much she loves and trusts me.    

I don't deserve to have her look at me like that anymore.    

I slide inside of her slowly and she lets out a low moan as she bites down on my shoulder.    

I'm completely disgusted with myself right now. How could I do the one thing I swore I'd never do again? I mean, I didn't instigate it...but I wasn't stopping it either, and I have no idea why.    

Who in their right mind, would go for Darcy rather than Ally? It's like choosing a fucking Big Mac, when you could have filet mignon.     

I am a pathetic excuse of a man.     

"Justin...I'm so close." She says quietly and wraps her legs around my waist, plunging me deeper inside of her.    

I can feel her tightening all around me and it's just a matter of seconds before she's crying out my name. I collapse on top of her, and bury my face in her neck, trying to catch my breath.    

"I love you, Justin." She says softly.    

A wave of guilt washes over me, and I can't even bring myself to say it back. How could I possibly tell her I love her when I've done the unthinkable?    

I'm a pathetic fucking hypocrite.    

I've spent so much time worrying about her and Charlie. I've been thinking the worst of her when I should have been taking a good hard look at myself.     

I haven't changed one bit. I'm still the same lying, cheating, no good bastard I've always been, and now...I'm going to pay dearly for it.    

What the hell have I done?

"You Know I'm No Good"-Amy Winehouse    

I always thought I'd be a mom
Sometimes I wish for a mistake
The longer that I wait the more selfish that I get
You seem like you'd be a good dad

And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life
And all I needed was a simple man
So I could be a wife
      

Something is wrong.    

I don't know what, and I don't know how, but I can feel it and Justin's actions the last couple days have just furthered my assumptions.    

It's been two days since we filmed the live special and since that night, he's been more clingy and needy than usual. He can barely stand to let me out of his sight for more than five damn minutes and he's constantly groping me, no matter who's around, or where we are.    

Now, don't get me wrong...I have no problem with him giving me a little extra attention and I know he can be a horny bastard sometimes, but this is way above and beyond that. He's bordering on obsessive and it's beginning to worry me a little.    

The only thing I can figure is that he's upset over Charlie still being here. He was supposed to have left the morning after the show, but he's still hashing out the deals with HBO. Personally, I don't really care how long he's here. I did what I had to do to help him, and that's the end of it. I haven't even seen him since the night of the taping.    

I look over at Justin laying beside me and frown. Even in his sleep, it's obvious that he's stressed. His jaw is clenched and I can almost hear him grinding his teeth.     

I've learned over the years, not to push things with him. If something's bothering him, you're better off waiting for him to come to you. If you ask him about it, he just gets angry and defensive, and the conversation goes nowhere.    

For now, I'll ignore the nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach and wait for him to either figure it out on his own, or talk to me about it.    

His eyes flutter open and he tries to smile at me, but it comes across as more of a grimace.    

"Morning." He croaks out and rubs the sleep from his eyes.    

"Morning." I smile and kiss the tip of his nose.    

"I feel like shit." He mumbles as he sinks deeper into the bed.    

"You don't sound so great either."    

His voice is hoarse and his eyes are fairly bloodshot. I'd almost guarantee that he's getting some sort of cold, and naturally...it has to happen when he has the next four days off.    

Go figure.    

I press my hand to his forehead and just as I suspected, his skin is practically on fire. Perfect.    

"I'm gonna get dressed and go find a drugstore." I move to climb out of bed, but he quickly grabs my arm and pulls me back down next to him.    

"Send somebody else. Don't leave me."    

"Justin, it's kind of my job to do this stuff for you."
    

"I'm off today, so you're off today. Send somebody else."    

"I'll be back in a little bit."    

I ignore his whining and protesting, and quickly throw on a pair of jeans and one of his hooded sweatshirts, then make my way out of the hotel, passing a large group of girls standing outside the doors.    

I don't know why, but unless I'm actually with Justin, his fans pretty much ignore me. I'm definitely not complaining because the last thing I feel like doing is answering a bunch of questions about my boyfriend. His fans have always been nothing but nice to me, but it's a little weird to have all these strangers so interested in our lives. I mean, we're pretty boring when you get right down to it.     

I spot a drugstore a little ways down the street and head down there. I feel bad that he's sick, but I know the next four days are going to be absolutely miserable unless this gets taken care of right away.    

Any time he gets sick, he turns into a two year old. He expects whoever is around to take care of him and he has no problem whining until he gets his way. Lucky for me, I'll be the one at his beck and call until he gets better. Yippy freakin skippy.        

I grab a couple bottles of nyquil and a few other over the counter cold medicines, then head up front to pay. As soon as I lay my purchases down on the counter, my phone starts to vibrate in my pocket.    

I fully expected to see Justin's name on my caller ID, so there's no hiding my surprise at Trace's name flashing across the screen.    

"Trace...hey..."    

"Where the hell are you?"
    

"A drug store, somewhere in Kansas City."    

"I need you two on a plane, like now."    

I can clearly hear the panic in his voice, and I have to admit that it's worrying me a little. Trace never freaks out about anything. I mean seriously, the world could blow up and he'd still be cool as a cucumber.    

"Why? What's wrong?"    

"I know he's got time off...you guys need to get here."    

"Trace...calm down, and tell me what the hell is going on."    

"Lauren. Baby."    

"Oh my god...seriously?"    

"No, Al. I'm fucking kidding...Of course I'm serious! She's freaking out and wants you here."    

"Alright...I'll go back to the hotel and book the next flight out."    

"Ok...just...hurry up."    

Before I can even respond, he's already hung up.        

Lauren's about to have a baby. There's going to be an actual living, breathing person in this world, because of her and Trace.     

I know it sounds stupid, but I almost can't believe it. Lauren and Trace, two people I've watched grow up, are about to become parents.     

Not too many things in the world leave me speechless, but this definitely does.    

I practically run back to the hotel and up to the room. I wake Justin up, then start throwing clothes into my suitcase. We have to get back to Memphis as soon as humanly possible. Lauren needs me, and I'm determined to be there for her.     

"Ally, what the hell?"     

"Lauren's in labor."    

"Oh shit...for real?"    

"Yes, Justin." I roll my eyes and shove some of his clothes into my suitcase. "Call Johnny, and tell him we're going home."

***********************************    

I hate hospitals. I hate the smell, the lighting, the coldness. Everything about them makes me uncomfortable, yet here I sit with practically everyone I know, anxiously awaiting the arrival of Baby Ayala.    

The whole gang is here, all four sets of parents, brothers and sisters. When you get right down to it, our four families kind of make up one huge family. I can't think of any major event in my life where the other three families weren't somehow involved.     

Honestly, I think family is probably my biggest draw to moving back here. If we all weren't so close, part of me thinks I might have actually told Justin no.    

I feel awful for him. I know he's sick as a damn dog and probably just wants to sleep, but there he is, pacing the floor with Trace, trying to calm him down. He's been a nervous wreck since Justin and I got here. I don't think he's sat down even once, and he's had God knows how many cups of coffee.    

In a way, it's kind of cute.    

When Lauren found out she was pregnant, he was so nonchalant, like having a baby would be as easy as riding a bike. However, that has all changed, his nerves have kicked in and I think the reality of the whole thing is finally hitting him.    

He's going to be a father and as soon as that baby enters this world, his life is never going to be the same.     

"Ally, why don't you and the boys head down to the cafeteria? It's going to be awhile and Trace is going to drive himself crazy is he keeps this up." Trace's mother smiles and pats me on the shoulder.    

I push myself out of my chair and make my way over to Justin and Trace, who are still walking circles around the waiting room.    

I know Justin's never been in a situation like this, but despite his inexperience, he's been an amazing support for Trace. He's giving advice, assuring him that everything's going to be just fine, but most importantly...he's here. He could be sitting in the corner asleep, and Trace wouldn't care. All that matters is the fact that he's actually here.    

"You guys wanna go eat? I'm starving." Justin nods while Trace gives me a horrified look.    

"Christ, Ally...how can you think about food right now?"    

"I'm hungry." I shrug and try to hold in my laughter.    

Trace is in full on freak out mode, and I don't think anything could calm him down at this point.    

"Yeah, I'm kinda hungry too. Let's go eat man." Justin gives him an encouraging smile, and Trace finally relents.    

"Fine. But we're coming right back up here." Trace's mom smiles and gives me a wink as the three of us exit the waiting room.    

"Could you two walk any slower? Jesus." Trace calls over his shoulder. He's practically speed walking while Justin and I stroll lazily behind him.    

"Walking faster doesn't make the baby come any quicker." Justin laughs, but it soon turns into a deep cough. "I don't feel good, Al." He pouts and pulls me against his side.    

It's a little hard to walk like this, but I need to show him some sympathy. If I was sick, I'd much rather be at home in bed, than surrounded by people. I'll give him credit for not whining too much, but he's been clinging to me all day and if I catch his stupid cold, I may have to hurt him.    

As we reach the cafeteria, Justin pulls his hat over his eyes and focuses on the floor. Honestly, I think it's instinct for him now. Any time he walks into a room full of strange people, he does everything he can to blend in, and it's not even a conscious effort. He's so used to hiding that it comes as naturally as breathing.    

It's kind of sad if you think about it.    

He quickly releases his hold on me and goes straight for the line,  grabbing a tray and picking up one of almost everything on the bar. Most people lose their appetite when they have a cold, but not Justin.  No matter what's going on around him, he always has time to stuff his face.    

I get a cup of coffee and follow the two of them to a table in the corner, trying my best to ignore Trace glaring at me.     

"Starving huh?"    

"I lied." I shrug. "Your mom thought you needed to chill out for awhile."    

"Since when do you listen to anybody's mom?" He rolls his eyes and chuckles. "I'm just so damn nervous, ya know? I want Laur to be ok...I want the baby to be ok...I want it to just get here already."    

"I hope it's a boy." Justin says thoughtfully. "We can teach him all kinds of cool shit."    

"Honestly, I'll be happy either way, but I do kind of want a boy." Trace grins, and it seems like he's finally starting to relax a little.    

I think being surrounded by our families just added to the pressure he was feeling. Knowing that everyone was sitting there, contemplating what kind of father he'll be, had to be pretty nerve wracking.    

"Y'all are crazy if you think Lauren's leaving you alone with that baby."    

"Hey, if she can't trust me with my own kid, we've got some problems." Trace laughs and shakes his head.    

His phone rings suddenly and before I even realize it, the three of us are booking it up to the maternity ward. Trace is quickly taken back to the delivery room and now, all the rest of us can do, is wait.

****************************************    

The heavy metal doors slowly open and Trace steps into the waiting room, covered in green scrubs and grinning from ear to ear.    

It can only mean one thing.    

After all these years, after all of the insanity that has surrounded the four of us, Lauren and Trace have taken that final leap into growing up.     

Baby Ayala is finally here.    

"It's a boy!" He shouts excitedly, the smile never leaving his face. Right away, his and Lauren's parents envelope him in a hug and all I can do is stand here and smile.    

I don't know why, but tears are quickly welling up in my eyes and I can't seem to wrap my head around any of this. Two of my best friends have a baby. How insane is that?    

Justin throws an arm around my shoulders and presses his lips to my temple quickly, before smiling down at me. "And I thought them getting married was weird." He chuckles and shakes his head.    

Our parents begin filing back to the room, two at a time, to see Lauren and the new baby. I really can't wait to get back there and see Laur. When we got here this afternoon, she was a wreck. She was so afraid that something would go wrong or that her parents wouldn't make it to the hospital in time, but everything worked out perfectly.    

I think deep down, she knew it would, and just wanted one last selfish, freak out moment before she throws herself into a being a mother. I don't blame her...the thought of having to sacrifice every aspect of my life for one tiny little person terrifies the hell out of me.    

I know she and Trace are going to be amazing parents. I don't think any baby in the world is going to be as lucky as this one will. He already has an entire waiting room full of people who love and adore him, even though they haven't met him yet. He's going to have everything in the world he could ever want or need. He's going to have a great life.    

In a weird way, all of this excitement almost makes me want one of my own.    

Almost.    

I look forward to being a mother, but I'm sensible enough to realize that I'm just not ready yet. Justin and I are still kind of finding our way and even though I know he's who I want to spend the rest of my life with, it's way too soon for those big, life changing events.    

Not to mention the fact that Justin's career is far too demanding right now, and I would never dream of raising a child on a tour bus.    

"Ally, Justin...you guys can go on back." Lauren's dad grins as he reenters the waiting room.    

Justin laces his fingers through mine and we make our way down the long hallway to Lauren's room. It's almost eerily quiet on the floor, and I can't help wondering how the hell they keep those babies so quiet. Every baby I've encountered, cries like there's no tomorrow.    

We step into the room slowly and Trace looks up at us. I don't think you could wipe that huge smile off of his face, even if you tried.    

"Hey guys." He says quietly before glancing down at the little blue bundle in his arms. In an instant, I'm at Lauren's beside, wrapping her in a tight hug and trying to hide the tears that are now freely flowing.    

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I'm not an overly emotional person. I don't understand why I'm turning into this big, blubbering mess at the sight of my friends and their baby. It just doesn't make sense.    

"How ya feel?"    

"Alright I guess." She shrugs as I pull away and wipe the tears off of my face. "The doctor says I'll be really sore tomorrow." She rolls her eyes and sighs.    

"So...who's this?" Justin asks with a curious smile as he moves to stand behind Trace's chair.    

"This is Noah James Ayala." Trace smiles proudly at his son and Lauren giggles softly.    

"I think Trace is more in love with him than I am."    

"Noah...that's your uncle Justin." Trace whispers and gestures behind him.    

"And I'm gonna teach you how to drink, and how to pick up chicks. You're gonna be a bad ass little dude, thanks to me."    

"Oh I think not." Lauren laughs and shakes her head before turning to me. "Remind me that he is never allowed to baby sit."    

"Hey Al...you wanna hold him?"    

I eye Trace skeptically for a moment, then nod nervously. My hands are shaking as he slowly places Noah in my arms, but when I cradle the baby to my chest, a whole new wave of tears start to fall.    

I lied. I don't almost want one. I really want one.    

I want to look down at this small, fragile thing and know that it's here because of me and the man I love. I want someone to depend on me for their mere survival.    

Mostly, I just really want someone to call me mommy.    

I look over at Justin and he smiles, but there's no mistaking the sadness in his eyes. He looks so...defeated, and I can't even begin to imagine why.    

I don't know what he's hiding, or what's bothering him, but I wish he'd talk to me. Clearly, he's hurting and it absolutely kills me to have to sit back and just watch.    

I know right now is a time for excitement and celebration, but I can't ignore the feeling of dread that's creeping up on me. Something is going to go horribly wrong, and all I can do, is wait for it to happen.

*************************************    

I collapse into bed next to Justin and close my eyes for a split second before looking over at him. He smiles sleepily and slides his arms around my waist, settling me against him.     

We're both exhausted. Our entire day was spent at the hospital, running back and forth between Lauren's room, the waiting room and cafeteria. We didn't do much but I think the anxiousness is what wore everyone out. Waiting for a baby is actually pretty tiring work.    

For some reason, I still can't get over the way it felt to have Noah in my arms. He really is the perfect combination of Lauren and Trace. He has his fathers big brown eyes and his mothers soft blonde hair. He's absolutely beautiful.    

I can't help but envy Lauren and Trace. They've got it all figured out and now they're about to settle into their happy little family life.