Weddings. Most people love them, others despise them. Me? Well I’ve always been one of those, always a bridesmaid never a bride type people. Don’t get me wrong I would love to get married one day, but with the relationships I’ve had, it’s looking pretty doubtful.

Today makes my 13th wedding. I’ve been a bridesmaid 10 times and the Maid of Honor 3.

Today I’m currently a Maid of Honor at my best friend Olivia’s wedding. She’s marrying some bigwig at some record company. Don’t ask for details, because honestly I have none. I’m sad to admit that when she starts to talk about him I tend to tune her out. You see she’s the reason for 3 of the worst relationships I’ve been in. Ok so maybe it’s not all her fault, but she was the one to introduce me to those sleazy bastards.

At any rate, I haven’t exactly been the best friend when it comes to their relationship because for a while there I didn’t think it would work. He was never home, always out at those shindigs with hundreds of gorgeous models and celebrities. Oh and he couldn’t possibly bring his ‘girlfriend’. No way. That’s why they are getting married. Ok so, maybe that’s not the only reason they’re getting married. They do love each other, a lot. But it is one of the reasons. He couldn’t possibly be seen with just a girlfriend. Yeah, I rolled my eyes a few times when Livy told me that story too…

Alright so I’ll admit it. I’m jealous. I want to be loved. I’m sick of being the bridesmaid/Maid of Honor. All the damn speeches and planning, I want someone to do this for me. I know normally you would need a man to get married, but that’s just a small detail. We can figure that part out later.

“Let’s go! We’re going to be late!”

That’s my brother Ryan. He happens to be the Best Man at the wedding today. Ryan’s a song writer, that’s how he met Derek, Olivia’s soon to be husband. He writes the most amazing songs. I’m sure you’ve heard almost all of them in the top 40 countdowns. He’s extremely talented. He’s not so bad on the eyes either. Women trip over themselves to get to him. If he wasn’t my brother I would almost admit that he was hot, but since he is my brother, he’s slightly good looking.

“Seriously Laur, move your ass. I’m not going to be late because of you.” I turn to see Ryan leaning against the door frame of my room.

“I’m done, chill out.” I say, grabbing my dress and oversized bag, walking out past him.

Grabbing my purse from the table by the front door, I make my way out to Ryan’s seriously overpriced sports car. It was one of the first things he bought with his first and second paychecks. I can’t really say much, because my car is probably just as expensive. Mine has a lot more features than his though.

Ryan is more than just a brother to me, he’s my best friend. Currently we live together. We bought a house in the hills a few years ago. We were so excited to finally make something of ourselves that we decided to invest in a house. And oh what a house it is. It’s a little too big for just the two of us, but we can have our own space when we want to have ‘private time’ and we can come together in the middle when we want ‘family time’.

Ryan’s song writing career has been going strong for almost 9 years now. He’s got money coming out of his ass at this point. I’m not half as wealthy as he is, but I have my fair share of money. I’ve been doing some modeling gigs lately, but I’d rather be behind the scenes, than in front. Modeling has been great for me, but I’m in no way a super model or anything. I’m sure I could be, but I like to eat. I hate to admit that I am one of those girls that can eat at McDonalds everyday and not gain a pound. I’ve never been on a diet and I never will be. I love food. If one day my good fortune turns and I start gaining weight from eating as much as I do, I can at least say I had a good run as a skinny chick.

“Are you coming or are you going to sit in the car and daydream through the wedding?” Ryan says, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Yeah, yeah I’m coming.”

I grab my stuff out of the backseat and make my way into the church. I still can’t believe Olivia wanted to get married in a church. I would have pegged her as a backyard wedding or a wedding in the park. Derek doesn’t seem like the Church wedding type of guy either. I have a feeling this was all Livy’s parents doing. That’s a whole other story though…

“Hey, Hey Maid of Honor has finally arrived!” I say announcing myself to the room filled with all the bridesmaids, which by the way she has selected 11 bridesmaids. A bit much? Plus me! Who the hell needs 12 people standing up with them at their wedding? That’s crazy, but Livy is crazy so I guess it works.

“Oh thank god you’re here.” I look over to where the voice came from and see Olivia crying. I lay my bag and dress down on the table and sigh.

“Guys can we get a minute?” I ask, politely telling everyone to leave. They all quietly stand and walk out of the room leaving Olivia and I alone.

“Sweetie what’s wrong?” I ask pulling a chair over to where she was, taking a seat in front of her.

“This isn’t how I wanted this to go.” She says, just above a whisper.

“What do you mean sweetie?”

“We’re in a fucking church Lauren. This is the maybe the second time I’ve ever been in a church. This is ridiculous. Why am I having my wedding in a place I’ve never set foot in before. Derek and I wanted to have the wedding in our backyard.”

Looks like I was right. “Why didn’t you? This is your day, not your parents.”

“It wasn’t my parents.”

“Then who was it?”

“It was Derek’s Grandmother. She’s not doing well and she’s on the verge of dying, although she’s been dying for 3 years now, but that’s besides the point. She asked Derek to marry me in a church as her last dying wish. Isn’t that ridiculous? Shouldn’t the people getting married make the decisions about their day? This is supposed to be the best day of my life and I’m stuck in a church. You know me Laur, Churches freak me out. Every time I think of a church I think of death. I know I shouldn’t, but the only time I’ve been in a church was for funerals. And when I think of funerals I think of…”

She couldn’t finish, but I knew what she was going to say. When we were 19 we were in a horrible car accident. Troy was the DD of the night, but I think he had a few beers. He ran a red light smashing into the side of a van driving through the intersection. Olivia and I were pretty banged up, both of us were flown from the car as it rolled down the hill. Troy and Reggie were also thrown from the car, but not far enough. The car rolled over the both of them, killing them instantly. I found out later that not only had we lost two of our best friends, but the van was my father’s. Troy hit my father’s van straight into the side of a building. He was rushed to the hospital, but the internal injuries were too severe and he died shortly after arriving at the hospital.

Olivia was just as upset over my dad as I was. She always considered my dad her second father. She was as close to him as I was. It took us a long time to get over that night. Obviously we still have some hard feeling about that night, even 7 years later. It’s not something I think I’ll ever really get over and I have a feeling Olivia feels the same way.

“Look, I don’t like being in a church anymore than you do, but this is your day. Whether it’s here in this church, outside in the alleyway, or at some chapel in Vegas, this is your day. You are marrying the man of your dreams. You love him more than anything, and I know he loves you more than anything too. Don’t let one bad night ruin your day. We will get through this whole church drama together. Just think in less than an hour you’ll be Mrs. Derek Hastings and we will be drunk as skunks, partying the night away. So wipe off your face and lets get you dressed. You’re getting married little lady.”

She took a deep breath, and let it out slowly, “What would I do without you?”

“I honestly don’t know, so let’s be grateful we don’t ever have to find out.” I say winking at her, “C’mon let’s get you dressed.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The wedding went off wonderfully. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. I’m genuinely happy for them, even though I’m still extremely jealous of them. We took pictures at the beach in front of the sunset. It was beautiful.

We are currently at the Lodge waiting to be called in. The room is jam packed with celebrities, family and friends. It’s amazing the amount of people in that room. There’s bound to be a man for me in there right?

I’ve had a few drinks with Olivia on the way over here…

“Hey we’re next.” Ryan says, poking me in the arm.

“Ok.” I say smiling, giving Olivia one last hug before hearing our names being called.

“Next we have the sexy as hell… I mean beautiful Maid of Honor, Lauren Decker and her talented brother, The Best Man, Ryan Decker.” Jade, tonight’s DJ, who has a slight obsession with me, announces.

Ryan laughs and I shake my head. “Shall we?” He asks extending his arm. I wrap mine around his and we walk out together, stopping behind out seats.

“I think he really likes you.” Ryan whispers in my ear.

I elbow him in the ribs, keeping the smile on my face.

“Fuck you.” I say and he just laughs.

“And last but certainly not least. The beautiful Bride and Groom. Introducing for the first time ever. Please welcome Mr. and Mrs. Derek Hastings.”

The room erupted with whistles, claps and surprisingly hoots.

Don’t ask.

I gave Olivia a hug before we all took our seats. The bartender passed out the champagne for the toast that Ryan and I are giving. Olivia told the bartender that the wedding party was to have shots. Anyone’s choice. Most of us chose Tequila. I took one before I stood up for my speech.

Have I told you how much I hate doing this?

“Alright everyone, I’m going to pass the mic over to the gorgeous Maid of Honor for her toast to the Bride and Groom. Here you go sweetheart.” Jade says, passing me the microphone.

I take it from him, shaking my head, “Thank you for two… wonderful yet a little bit creepy introductions Jade. I saw some celebrities out there, anyone willing to lend me a bodyguard for the night?” Everyone seemed to think I was joking. Whatever.

“No? Fine my kidnapping is on all your heads… Ok back to my girl Livy. I’m extremely excited for you two. I’m glad you found your perfect man. Now maybe you can take some time off from giving creepy guys my number. I know I’ve been single for a little while, but honey I’m not desperate.” Olivia started laughing.

“I’m sorry I’m a little off topic now. At least we know your marriage will last. I am some what of a lucky charm in weddings. I’ve been in 12 weddings and all of them are still happily married. Let’s make this one 13.”

Ryan pinched my thigh and I bit my lower lip, knowing what he’s trying to tell me.

“I’m sorry. I had this whole speech prepared yesterday, but seeing the two of you so happy up there getting married, nothing I wrote seemed good enough. I love you Livy more than anything. We’ve been through a lot together and I’m so incredibly happy for you. I know the two of you will be so happy together. I hope one day I find a love that is even just a sliver of the love you two have for each other.” I look down at Olivia to see her crying.

“No don’t you start. Once you start you know I will. See.” I say pouting, realizing all the tears that have just falling down my face. Ryan passes me a tissue and I smile down at him.

“I wish you both all the happiness in the world. Derek you better take care of Livy for me, I’m sure we both know Livy will be taking very good care of you.” I say winking at Derek and he busts out laughing.

“I love you guys, Congratulations.” I say, wiping my face again. Olivia stood up hugging me tightly.

“Thank you.” She whispers in my ear, “I love you.”

“I love you.” I say smiling, turning back towards the crowded room. “Alright I guess I’ll pass the torch to my brother for his toast. I’m sure it will be better written.” I say, passing him the mic.

I was right. His toast was a hell of a lot better than mine, but he’s the writer not me. I should’ve paid him to write mine. Yeah that would have went over well. In any case, the night has been going wonderfully. It’s a little odd slow dancing with your brother, but it’s what the new couple wanted. Remind me to smack her later.

I did catch a few dances with men other than my brother, but mostly I’ve been dancing with Livy.

I can’t help but start laughing when I see Derek dancing his way over to us. He slid in behind Olivia and they start grinding. I smile seeing how happy they are, and start backing up to go sit back down at the table, but clumsy me bumps smack into someone.

“Oh god I’m so sorry.” I say turning around to be face to face with Justin Timberlake.

“Don’t worry about it, I wasn’t watching where I was going.” He says grinning down at me.

I couldn’t keep my eyes off his. They are beautiful, but up close. Holy hell. They are gorgeous.

“I liked your speech.” He says, chuckling.

“You don’t have to be nice. I know it was horrible.”

“I liked it. It was from the heart. The last part anyway.” he says smiling.

I shake my head and sigh. “I had no idea what to say. She’s been my best friend for over 20 years and I was speechless. That rarely happens to me.”

“Want to dance?” he asks, taking me completely off guard.

“Huh?”

He laughs, “I asked if you wanted to dance with me. I noticed you lost your dance partners, one to her husband the other to a cute blonde.” he says laughing.

I turn to see Livy and Derek still dancing. Nearby was Ryan and a pretty cute blonde grinding awfully close.

I groan, “Looks like we’ll be on opposite sides of the house tonight.” I mumble.

“What?” He asks raising an eyebrow.

“We live together. It’s a big house… never mind. C’mon.” I say taking his hand pulling him back out to the dance floor.

“Full Service” by New Kids on the Block starts blaring through the speakers and I start dancing to the beat. He turns me around, planting his hand on my lower belly pulling me closer to him, making me grind a little slower into him.

“This doesn’t look like a regular bridesmaid dress.” He says against my ear. “It’s sexy.”

I told Olivia if I was going to be in her wedding I wasn’t wearing an ugly dress. So she let me pick out the dress. I choose a strapless black tight fitting dress that fell mid-thigh. There are faux diamonds that form the shape of flowers down the front. It’s really sexy and cute.

I completely forgot he even said anything to me when I felt his hand slide down the front of my dress to my thigh. He slowly glided his fingers under the hem of my dress, never missing a beat in the song with his hips.

Isn’t this moving a little too fast? Didn’t we just meet?

Dear god does his hand feel good.

He slowly slides his hand up my thigh, pulling the bottom of my dress up a little, slowly sliding past my burning center.

Wait what? I can’t possibly be hot for this guy 3 minutes after meeting him. Right?

Wrong… So wrong. Fuck he’s got me fuckin’ hotter than hell right now.

“How’d you manage that?”

He’s still talking?

“Manage what?” I say, trying to clear my thoughts.

“This dress.” He says against my ear.

Right the dress. “She knows me better than anyone and she knows I wouldn’t be happy wearing something ugly, so she let me choose the dresses.”

“Nice choice.” He says as the song ends.

I pull away from him, turning towards him, “Thanks for the dance.” I say, walking away before I make a bad decision that I could potentially regret tomorrow, so I make my way towards the bathroom to try and clear my head.

“What are you afraid of?” I hear from behind me a few minutes later. I turn to see Justin standing against the door frame.

“This is the Women’s bathroom. You do realize that right?”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“You need to leave before someone comes in here.” I say completely ignoring the question.

He walks into the bathroom fully, locking the door behind him. “There we have nothing to worry about anymore.” He says walking towards me. “Answer the question.”

“You have trust issues.” He declares more as a statement than a question.

“Maybe I do. I haven’t had the best track record with men.”

“I could change that for you.”

I step back knocking into the counter, “By locking me in the bathroom at my best friends wedding? I have to say that’s a new one for me.”

He took a few steps closer to me closing the gap between us, planting his hands on the counter top on either side of my hips. Slowly leaning down, he captures my lips with his. He tilts his head slightly deepening the kiss.

“Tell me you don’t want this and I’ll walk.” He says against my lips.

After that kiss and all the drinks I‘ve had tonight, I’m not sure what I want, but I’m pretty positive at the moment it’s more of him. And I give him my answer. I wrap my arms around his neck pulling him in for a heated kiss.

He lets out a throaty growl, pulling me up by my ass, setting me down on the countertop, never breaking our kiss. His hand slides my dress up over my ass and he pulls away from me to look down at me. He slowly locks his eyes with mine with a raised eyebrow.

“Do you normally forget underwear at weddings?” He asked, obviously turned on more by the fact my panties are missing.

“They got wet while I was dancing so I threw them in the trash.” I say, guessing the truth would be the best story.

“Is that right?” He ask grinning.

I shrug my shoulders and chuckle, “Can I ask you something, before you continue?”

“Shoot.”

“The whole, ‘I could change that for you’ was a line to get me sleep with you right?” I ask biting my bottom lip.

His face hardens and I regret opening my mouth, “Look I don’t care, I was jus…”

“No.” He says, interrupting me.

“No?” I ask, confused, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I didn’t say it as a line to get you sleep with me.”

“Then why did you say it?” I ask, a little more confused.

“Honestly?” He asks and I nod, “Your smile.”

I look at him funny, “That doesn’t make sense. You said you could change my track record with men because of my smile?”

“The second I saw you walking through the door at the church this afternoon, I knew I had to get to know you, so I asked Derek about you.”

“Whoa, you asked Derek about me? That can’t be good.”

He laughed, “Why not?”

“I’m not Derek’s biggest fan. I put on a good front for everyone, but there’s something about him that throws me off. I know he loves Olivia and everything, but he’s just… weird and I can’t imagine he had anything good to say about me.”

“Actually he did.”

“Really?” I ask with wide eyes.

He laughed again, “Really. He said that you’ve had some pretty bad relationships recently and you’ve taken them pretty hard.”

“Pretty bad? That’s an understatement.” I say rolling my eyes.

“He also said that you didn’t deserve any of it. Whatever it may be.”

“It is a lot and I doubt you want to hear any of it, believe me.” I say as he slowly glides his fingers up the inside of my thigh, dangerously close to my center.

“Try me.” he says, pulling the top of my dress down, exposing my breast to him. He continued sliding his right hand up and down my thigh and his left hand cupped my breast, rubbing his thumb over my nipple.

It took everything in my to stop myself from moaning at his touch, “A lot of lies, deception, abuse, drugs, you know the usual.” I say as casually as I could.

“I get the lies and deception, but abuse and drugs?” He asks, leaning down to take my nipple into his mouth. I couldn’t hold my moan back this time.

“It was never physical abuse… Mostly just verbal.” I say leaning my head back closing my eyes, biting my bottom lip.

“Drugs?” He asks moving his lips over to my other nipple.

I moan again. “I don’t have a problem with someone doing drugs, it’s their life their fucking up not mine… mmmm… You’re making it a little hard to have a conversation.” I feel him smile against my breast, but I continue anyways.

“The only time I have a problem with someone doing drugs is when they decide to slip them to me and… Oh God…” I say as he slides his thumb over my clit.

His head pops back up to eye level with me and he looks at me with concern in his eyes, but his fingers still wreak havoc on my clit, driving me insane.

“Someone drugged you?” he asked sliding a finger into me, followed quickly by another.

“Mmmhmmm.” I moan out. “Like I said… Pretty bad is an understatement.” I whisper in between moans.

“Let me break the chain.” he whispers in my ear, as his fingers send pleasure all through my body. I close my eyes, willing my orgasm on, but I didn’t need to it was already here.

“Shit.” I moan as my body convulses against his hand.

“What happened?” He asked when I finally reopen my eyes to look at him. I reach for the top of his pants, unbuttoning them then slowly unzipping them. I slide his pants and boxers down as far as I could before I answered.

“Do you normally talk this much during sex?” I ask, grabbing a hold of his dick, stroking it slowly.

He closed his eyes grinning, “Not normally, no. But like I said I want to get to know you.”

“I can think of a better time to do that and it’s not while your about to fuck me.”

“Just tell me what happened, that’s the last question, I promise.” He says positioning himself at my entrance without losing eye contact with me.

“If I tell you will you fuck me already?” I ask.

He grins down at me, nodding.

“He drugged me, raped me, took pictures and tried to blackmail me. He’s in jail for the next year over it. Happy?” I ask.

“I’m sorry.” He says before slamming into me with one slick motion.

He doesn’t move for a minute, letting me adjust to his size. Once that minute was up though, he let loose. The feeling is insane. He’s fucking me so good I can barely breathe. One hand massages my breasts as the other pulls my leg up to his shoulder. That move alone was enough to throw me over the edge. My breath catches as he slams into my spot over and over.

“Fuck Lauren… You feel so fucking good… lift your other leg baby.” He says before deeply moaning.

I lift my other leg, crossing it over my other leg already on his shoulder. I watch his eyes roll back into his head and he quickens his pace.

“Shit Justin, I’m almost there. Oh god…” I say as my second orgasm runs through my body sending shivers down my spine. He drops my legs to his side, continuing to pound into me with amazing force, seconds later finally getting his release.

We remained there in each other’s arms until we heard a knock at the door. We looked at each other with wide eyes when we heard the jingling of keys.

“Shit.” Justin said stepping back to pull up his pants. I hopped down readjusting my dress just as the door starts to open. He looks at the door than to me and I run towards one of the stalls.

“This is the women’s bathroom sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” I hear an older gentlemen say to Justin.

“I’m sorry sir.” Justin says as I start to make gagging noises.

“What’s that?” The older gentleman asks.

“The Maid of Honor. She’s had a few too many to drink. I didn’t want anyone to find out so I locked the door. I’m sorry sir.” Justin lied and I laugh quietly, making more gagging noises.

“No problem sir.”

“I’ll get her out of here.” Justin says before walking up behind me.

“Hey Lauren, you think you can come back out to the reception?” he asks smiling down at me as the older man walks out of the bathroom explaining to the line what happened. “You’re crazy you know that?”

“It worked didn’t it?” I say standing back up fixing my dress.

“Lauren, Honey are you ok?” I hear Olivia ask from the doorway. “I can handle her from here Justin.”

“Livy I’m fine.” I say smiling at her. She looks from Justin to me and grins.

“Get your dirty asses back out to my wedding reception before I kick ‘em.” she says shaking her head.

We all laugh walking back out to the party.

Last night was crazy fun. From the drinks to the dancing to the… Sex. It was an all around good time. Justin ended up coming back to my house for another round of ‘getting to know me sex’. Ryan brought the ‘cute’ blonde back with him, so he really didn’t notice I wasn’t alone when he got home.

My head feels like it’s going to explode at the moment. If I could open my eyes without my head feeling worse I would find whatever that annoying beeping noise is, but I can’t.

That’s until I hear Justin laughing beside me. I turn my head towards him and stare up at him.

“Morning.” He says, leaning down to kiss my forehead before going back to reading something on my phone.

“Morning. Why do you have my phone?” I ask, sitting up beside him to see what he’s looking at.

“What the fuck is that?” I ask looking up at him as he starts typing in a response.

“JUSTIN!” I yell, grabbing the phone from him as he laughs.

“I didn’t send it.” He says laughing.

“What have you sent?” I ask reading previous messages.

“How long have you been talking to her?” I ask glaring up at him from over my phone.

“A couple minutes. I only said hi, I swear.”

“Why does she think you’re good then?” I ask, not believing him.

He shrugs, “I guess when someone’s silent it means whatever was said is true.”

I shake my head at him, “I’m going to tell her you were horrible now, asshole.”

“Now don’t go lying to the poor girl.” He says pulling me into his lap so I’m straddling him. “What are you telling her?”

“None of you business.” I say sending the text, placing the phone down on the table and looking back at him.

“C’mon what did you say? Did you out me?” He asks.

I shrug, climbing down off the bed, making my way over to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

“So you plan on having more amazing sex today?” He asks from the doorway.

“Did you read my message?” I ask turning towards him, acting upset.

“I did. You have a problem with that?” he asks grinning at me.

“I take it that’s the only message you read?” I ask grinning right back at him.

“There’s more than one?” He asks turning back to grab my phone off the bed.

I watch him read the other message and I laugh at his expression.

“That’s cold.” He says sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“That’s what you get for messing with my phone without permission.” I say straddling his lap.

“Well I guess I’ll take my small dick and motionless mouth elsewhere.” He says, acting hurt, and not very well either.

“Size doesn’t matter.” I say, holding back my grin.

“Bullshit. You can’t tell me you’d choose a 3 inch dick over a 9 inch dick.”

I laugh, “Is that what your packin‘?”

“You tell me. Does it look like a 3 or a 9?” he asks grinning at me.

“You’ve measured your dick?” I ask laughing.

He shakes his head, “No, but I’m positive I’m a hell of a lot bigger than 3 inches. Hell I‘m bigger than that soft.”

“Ok I’ll give you that one.”

“Then message her back and tell her I’m not little.” he says, narrowing his gaze at me.

“That would be pointless.”

“Why?”

“Because I never sent that message to her in the first place.” I whisper in his ear with a slight chuckle.

He whips me around, tossing me onto the bed with wide eyes and a crazy ass grin on his face.

“That was cruel.” He says, pulling my arms up over my head, holding them in place with his hands.

“I know… I should be punished.” I tease, grinning up at him.

“Lauren?” *KNOCK*KNOCK* “Lauren you up?” I hear Ryan from the other side of the door.

“Put your pants on Timberlake. Breakfast time.” I say nudging him off me.

I grab a tank top and a pair of shorts from my dresser, throwing them on quickly. I throw a quick glance over to Justin to make sure he was decent before opening the door to see Ryan leaning against the wall across from my room.

“You ok big guy?” I ask, laughing at him.

“Fuck you. Where’s the Advil? It wasn’t in the kitchen cabinet.” He says, barely opening his eyes.

“I have some in my bathroom, hold on.” I turn, walking back towards my bathroom.

“Justin?” I hear Ryan ask confusedly.

“Hey Decker.” I hear Justin say back.

Hold up. They know each other?

Great…

“Here’s the Advil Ryan. Where’s Blondie?” I ask, trying to move the focus to his guest.

“Sleeping… So you and my sister huh?”

That didn’t work well.

“You should probably go take that now before your headache gets worse.” I suggest, slightly pushing him out of the room.

He pushes me aside, glaring at Justin. Figures he would have to know the guy I happen to bring home with me.

Fuck.

“Ok so if you two are going to have this extremely uncomfortable conversation, can you at least tell me how you two know each other and… wait let me guess. Ryan wrote a song for you?” I ask glancing over to Justin.

“He helped with a few on my first solo album.” He answered nervously.

“Ok well, you two can talk. I’m going to go make breakfast. Have fun.” I say making my way out of my room.

“Not so fast.” Ryan says, pulling me back into the room.

“What Ryan? I’m hungry and believe me I know what happened last night, so I don’t need to be present during this conversation.”

“I think you do.” He says all to seriously.

“Why?” I ask looking back and forth between Justin and Ryan.

“I just think you should tell Justin about your past before you two get into this… thing together. I‘m sure you don‘t know everything about him either.”

“He already knows Ryan. And who said there was a ‘thing’ between us? What if this was a one time deal?” Not that I thought it was, but how does he know?

“You don’t do one time deals Lauren.” Ryan says. Know it all…

“God your acting worse than…” I start, but stop when my breath hitches and I start tearing up.

“Lauren?” Justin asks, moving towards me slowly.

I blink, sending tears streaming down my cheeks. Justin gently rubs my back as Ryan grabs my hand.

“Dad?” Ryan asks cautiously.

I just nod, sending more tears down my face.

“I’m sorry.” I apologize, walking out of my room, making my way to the back yard to get some air. I take a seat in one of the lawn chairs by the pool, overlooking a beautiful view of California’s finest scenery.

I quietly watch Justin and Ryan talking in the doorway, Justin obviously winning the coin toss to come out and talk to me. Or losing, what ever way you want to look at it I guess. He slowly walks out to were I am. Standing beside my chair, he pulls me up to stand beside him. He sits down in the chair, pulling me down to sit in between his legs. I lean back into his chest as he wraps his arms around my waist. Neither one of us said a word for what seemed like forever. Justin eventually broke the silence, quietly asking if I was ok.

“I will be.” I answer, placing my hands over his.

Question... Is it weird that I’ve know this guy for less than 24 hours and I feel like I’ve known him for 24 years?

It’s funny, he makes me feel so comfortable. I barely know anything about him, and yet I feel like I’ve known him forever. I know; it doesn’t make sense to me either. I’ve honestly never felt like this with anyone before. I feel like I can tell him anything and he’d actually listen and care about what I was saying. I’ve never had that before and honestly I didn’t think I ever would. Especially with someone I met, drunk at my best friends wedding, last night.

This is too weird.

“You want to talk about it?” he asks, rubbing his thumbs over my hands.

“You mean talk about the fact that I feel responsible for my father’s death and I can’t seem to get over it? Or do you mean talk about how sometimes I look at Ryan or listen to Ryan and all I can see or hear is my father and it makes me break down? Or how much I miss him? Or how I’ll never have my father walk me down the aisle at my wedding that I’ll never have? Which one should I start with?” I ask with tears streaming down my face.

“From the top.” He says rubbing his hands up and down my arms. “Why would you possibly think your father’s death was your fault?”

“It was my friend that was driving drunk that killed him. How is that not my fault?”

“Lauren, he was supposed to be your Driver. He wasn’t supposed to be drinking, but he did. How were you supposed to know? This wasn’t your fault. Don’t beat yourself up over something you had no control over.”

“How do you know that?” I ask confused.

“Your brother told me when we worked together.” He answered softly.

“He wasn’t there.” I state.

“He didn’t have to be. Lauren it was your friends fault. He shouldn’t have been drinking, he shouldn’t have drove and he shouldn’t have ran that light. None of that is in anyway your fault.”

“I should have made sure he was ok to drive.” I say closing my eyes.

“He told you he was going to be the DD of the night and you all trusted him to be that. He fucked up. It wasn’t your responsibility to watch him all night. He should have been a big enough person to be responsible, but he wasn’t. That’s not your fault.”

“I still feel a little responsible and I always will, but that’s my own guilt I guess. I shouldn’t have been at that party and I shouldn’t have been drinking anyways. We were 19. If we would all have been responsible this never would have happened. Troy and Reggie may still be alive and my father would still be here with me. But they’re not. And I can’t change that. I wish I could. God I wish I could.”

“Everyone makes mistakes. Every kid drinks when they aren’t supposed to. It’s part of growing up. You were all responsible enough to make sure you had a safe way home, it was his fault for fucking up. It was his fault he drank, it was his fault he killed your father and his best friend along with taking his own life. I’m sure if he could go back and not drink he would, but no one can go back in time. You just have to learn to live with peoples mistakes. You may never get over this and that’s ok. He was your father. No one said it was going to be easy and it wont. You can’t dwell on that night though. You need to remember all the good times y’all had together.” He stops to pull me face towards him.

“Your father wouldn’t want you thinking like this. He would want you to celebrate all the good times you had together. I know it’s hard, but this can’t be what he would want. I didn’t know your father, but it seems to me he would want you to go on with your life and be happy. This wasn’t your fault and everyone, but you knows that. It’s time you start believing it.”

“When’d you get so wise?” I ask wiping my face with my hands.

He laughs, “I’m not, I’m just good with words.”

“Thank you. I’m sure this wasn’t exactly what you signed up for last night, but I appreciate it.”

“This is exactly what I signed up for last night. I do regret one thing though.”

“Meeting me?” I ask laughing.

“Not a chance, smartass… I regret that our first time was in a public bathroom. That’s gotta be a first for me. I can’t say I regret sleeping with you, but I wish I would have waited to get you into a bed first. I‘m sorry.”

Well hell… I wasn’t expecting that one.

“Wow… Really?” Ok so I have no idea how to react to that. He actually cares enough to think about where we have sex?

He keeps surprising me.

“I feel kind of bad. That’s not exactly how I wanted things to go, but like I said before you can’t go back in time.”

“I wouldn’t want you to.” I say smiling.

6 weeks.

That’s how long it’s been since I’ve seen Justin and Ryan. They both flew over to Europe for some song writing relaxation trip. That’s what Ryan called it anyways. I think it was more of a let’s go to Europe and pretend it’s a business trip for Justin and Ryan. I’m glad they’re getting close, but 6 weeks? That’s a bit much don’t you think?

Musicians…

Justin and I have backtracked a little in our… thing. We decided we should really get to know each other better before starting any sort of relationship. Otherwise known as ‘let’s be fuck buddies because you have too much baggage’ and the easy way out of a one night stand that lasted a couple days longer than it should have. I think it was for the best anyways. I’ve never been any good at relationships anyways so I guess we saved ourselves some distress later.

Justin calls me every night before he goes out or goes to bed. It’s actually really cute and sweet. The timing is a little off with me. He normally wakes me up, but it’s worth it. The last couple of calls have been really hot. He apparently is horny as hell. You can tell just by the greeting he gives me when I answer. I have to admit phone sex isn’t half bad. It really gets your imagination moving. Justin and I have the same sick imagination so we work well together.

Ryan calls me every morning to check in on me. I swear ever since our Dad died, he’s taken his place. Not that it’s a bad thing, it’s just… I don’t know, upsetting to me. I miss my Dad so much it hurts and when Ryan does things that my Dad used to do it just makes it that much harder to get past his death. I’ll never really get over it, who would? I love Ryan and I appreciate everything he does for me and if this is what helps him get through my Dad’s death, I’ll live with it.

Tonight is ladies night at my house. I’ve invited a couple of girls over for drinks and movies. We usually do this once a month, just to catch up on each others lives, but last month we didn’t because of Livy’s wedding.

“So anyways, Derek got so upset at the waiter that we got our meals free the rest of the trip and the waiter was canned.” Olivia explained, laughing.

“That’s too funny. How could anyone be that stupid. The restaurant was shut down just for you two to celebrate your marriage and the moron thought it would be ok to hit on you? I don’t get people sometimes.” Meredith said, shaking her head.

“I know right.” Livy says rolling her eyes, “So how has everyone else been?” She asks grinning over at me.

“Liv seriously, please don’t start this.” I all but beg.

“You have juice your not spilling?” Jenny asks.

“Oh so you haven’t told them what happened at the reception yet?” Olivia says, her grin growing with each word.

All three of them have their eyes all on me.

“I hate you.” I growl at her.

“No you don’t.” She says matter-of-factly.

“Spill it.” Meredith says.

“It’s not that big of a deal.” I say rolling my eyes at them.

“Since when is sleeping with Justin Timberlake in the ladies room at my reception not that big of a deal?” Olivia says laughing.

Meredith and Jenny both explode with screams.

“It’s not a big deal, guys can we not talk about this? Please?” There I begged.

“Oooh maybe that’s him now.” Jenny teased, hearing the phone ringing in the kitchen.

I jump up and grab the phone, “Hello?”

“Hey Darlin’” I smile, hearing Justin’s voice on the other line.

“Hey yourself.” I say, keeping an eye on the girls in the living room.

“How’s your night going?” He asks.

“It was going fine until Liv blurted out that you and I fucked in the bathroom at her reception to Mere and Jenny.” I explain, chuckling.

He laughs, “What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing, I’m just not one that likes everyone to know my business that’s all. Now that they know the whole fuckin’ world is going to find out.” I explain.

“The world knows babe.” He says laughing, “Why do you think we’re in France? I had to get the word out at soon as possible. This was the best way to do it.”

“Oh so my brother is helping you get the word out?”

“It was his idea.” He says and we both laugh.

“How is Paris? That’s where you guys are today right?” I ask taking a seat on the counter dangling my feet over the side.

“Yeah, it’s alright.”

“Alright? Dear god, I’d give my left leg to go to Paris for a night and you two have been there for 6 weeks.”

“No we haven’t, we’ve only been in Paris for 3 weeks, we’ve been other places too.”

“Must be nice.” I mumble.

“It is.” He teases.

“Fuck you.”

“I’d love you too, but it’s ladies night at your house. I don’t think they’d let you disappear for that long.”

“Sorry big guy.”

“That’s alright, I’ll have your brother find me a replacement tonight.”

That stung a little. Probably more than it should have for ‘fuck buddies’.

I bite my lower lip, “Make sure you meet her in the bathroom. I heard it’s pretty good in there.” I say as convincing as I could muster up.

“It was a joke.” He says slowly.

I guess I wasn’t as convincing as I wanted to be.

“Whatever. Look I should get back to the girls. Have fun doing… whatever tonight. Say hi to Ryan for me.” I say quickly.

He was silent for a minute before responding, “I will.”

“Talk to you later.”

“Yeah, I’ll call you later.” He says before I hang up the phone.

I set the phone down on the counter next to me and sigh.

“You ok?” Mere asks, walking into the kitchen.

I smile and nod, “I’m good.”

“You sure? You look bummed.”

“I guess I miss Ryan. Hearing his voice makes it worse.” I lie.

She nods her head slowly. “C’mon let’s go watch a movie.”

“Sounds good.” I say, hopping down off the counter, following Mere back into the living room.

Two movies and countless drinks and bowls of ice cream later, Jenny and Olivia are passed out on the couches, Mere is rolled up in a ball on the love seat and I unfortunately am wide awake cleaning up around them.

I run towards my cell to answer it before it wakes the girls up.

Before you ask, yes that is ‘Thunder’ by Boys like Girls… Ryan wrote the song for them and I liked it. It has nothing to do with anyone in my life.

I’ve got to change that…

“Hello?” I answer, quietly.

I quickly make my way up to my room, shutting the door behind me.

“Did I wake you?” I hear on the other line.

I sigh, taking a seat on the edge of my bed, “I take it Ryan didn’t find you a replacement.” I say half joking.

“It was a joke Laur.”

“I got that… It doesn’t matter whether it was a joke or not. I don’t own you. You can fuck who ever you want.”

“Want to run that one again, only this time a little more convincing.”

“It’s true. I have no hold on you. We’re not married. Have fun. You’re in Paris, you’d be stupid not to.”

“Is that why you think we came here?”

“It’s why Ryan went. He’s always talking about foreign ass.”

“That’s not why I’m here.”

“Then why are you in France?”

“Because I needed to get away and Ryan had a great opportunity to write a song for a pretty big musician over here. I figured we could fly over here, we could work on the song together, which it came out amazing by the way, then we could just chill for a little bit before coming back to the insanity I call my life.”

“Isn’t the paparazzi worse over there?”

“When you’re out in public, yes; but it’s a lot easier to hide over here.”

“I see… What is my brother up to now?”

“Sleeping.”

“Alone?”

“Probably not. He’s been with the same women ever since we got here. He’s not as big of a whore as you think he is.”

“I know. I just like giving him shit.”

After a minute of silence he finally spoke, “Do you want to know why I bumped into you at the wedding?”

“I bumped into you.” I say, confused.

“No, you thought you bumped into me. I purposely got in your way so you would run into me.” he explained.

“Ok…” I drag out quietly.

“A couple years ago, when I was working with Ryan, he told me about his amazing sister. He talked about you non-stop for a month. I can honestly say I probably know everything there is to know about you.” he says chuckling.

“I doubt it.” I challenge. Ryan wouldn’t sell me out to a stranger.

He laughed, “Ok… I know you have an unhealthy obsession with expensive shoes; you have more purses than any one woman should have; you love tanning because it’s relaxing to you; you wore glasses growing up and Ryan used to make fun of you for it; you were a Daddy’s girl in every possible way; you used to throw the best parties at your parent’s house when they would go away on trips; you had 2 boyfriends in high school, Ryan hated both of them, you thought you loved both of them; your favorite color depends on your mood; your favorite ice cream is Cookie Dough; you love almost every different kind of music there is; you even own some of my records; you’re a little bit obsessed with TV; you have a crush on Mark Wahlberg; you watch NASCAR just to catch a small glimpse at Kasey Kahne; you love to watch Football, but don’t know all that much about it; you’d rather see a baseball or a basketball game live than on TV; you wish the Golden Girls were back on TV; you cry at Extreme Makeover Home Edition almost every week; you want to get married, but for some reason think it’s never going to happen; you love dogs; you love to be surrounded by pictures of your family, especially the picture of you, Ryan and your dad that you have in you wallet; you owned every Barbie when you were a kid, and you probably still have them all in a box for when you have a little girl of your own; you would like to have kids one day; you are an amazing friend; you have the kindest heart; you’ve given thousands of dollars to cancer research anonymously; you wanted to be a doctor growing up; you love being around kids; you’d rather stay home than go out, but you do like to have fun at least once a week; you love watching Family Guy with Ryan and you both cry you laugh so hard…”

“You can stop.” I say quietly into the phone, wiping away the stray tears falling from my eyes.

“I knew I had to meet you after hearing about you. Every time we would get together you would be gone or you couldn’t make the trip out with him… When I finally saw you at the wedding I was speechless. You were everything your brother said you were and so much more.”

I can’t speak. I keep opening my mouth to talk but nothing comes out.

“I only suggested that we back off a little because I knew everything about you and you knew nothing about me. I know I made it seem like I didn’t know who you were, but I did. From the second I saw you walk through the door at the church, I had this whole plan on how to meet you and it worked. It worked a little better than I thought it would actually.” He said, laughing.

“I really like you and I have a feeling you like me. I could be wrong, but your brother seems to think you have a thing for me.” He says, making me chuckle a little.

“I was serious when I said I could change your track record with men. If you want to give me a chance I am more than willing to show you how you should be treated.”

“Are you sure you’re up for that?” I ask. My heart is beating through my chest as I wait for his answer.

“I’m up for anything when it comes to you.”

“You have a lot of talking ahead of you, you know.” I say smiling.

“Oh yeah?”

“You can start from the beginning, you know the day you were born and go from there.”

He laughs, “I can do that.”

I’m in freak out mode at the moment.

I’m currently on a plane by myself. I don’t have a problem with flying, it’s just I don’t like to fly alone. I figure if I’m going to die on a plane, I would much rather spend my last moments with someone I know, not some overweight, hairy, smelly man.

Ok so I’m overreacting. I’m in first class and no one is sitting next to me. I am on a plane by myself for fourteen hours though. Fourteen hours! That’s insane. I can’t even think of things to do in fourteen hours, and I can’t sleep with people around me. I have trust issues, remember.

You’re probably wondering what I’m doing on a plane in the first place right? I’m on my way to Paris.

Paris! (insert girly squeal here)

After talking all night with Justin, he decided he wanted me to come out and we could talk in person. Do you know how hard and how expensive it is to buy tickets to Paris, France on the same day you want to fly out? Well, let me help you. It‘s the hardest fucking thing I‘ve ever had to do, and I‘ve been a model with tarantulas and poisonous snakes.

It’s just plain crazy.

This is where Justin and his celebrity status comes in handy. I wasn’t off the phone with him for more than 10 minutes before he had called me with my flight information. Isn’t that ridiculous? I still don’t understand why they are so much more important than the rest of us. They are just normal people, they just happen to have incredible jobs.

I’m getting a little off topic again.

Back to this insanely long flight by myself. Did I mention I hate this? It’s only been 6 hours and I already want out. I have to change planes in a few hours which I hate. They better not lose my luggage.

I need to try to sleep this off before I drive myself completely insane.

This should be interesting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m finally here. Good lord that was the worst flight ever. Lucky me got to experience a ride through a thunder storm on a plane by my-freaking-self. I’d rather swim home than take another 14 hour flight by myself.

I grab my carry-on bag and fly off the plane as quickly as possible. I was one of the first people off. I look around quickly to see if anyone had come to pick me up… No such luck.

I pull out my phone and dial Ryan’s number, as I make my way over to the baggage claim.

“Hello?” Ryan answers with a yawn.

“You better not be sleeping right now.” I say shaking my head.

“Why? I have the right to sleep.”

“Not when you’re supposed to be picking me up at the airport.”

“Oh shit. You’re here already?” I hear him panic. He better panic. Asshole

“Yeah, remember I told you to be here by 4:30, well guess what… it’s 4:30!”

“Shit, I’ll be there as soon as I can. I have to get dressed, toss this random chick out, shower off from my last rendezvous, find my keys, fight traffic, grab your bag off the oddly fast moving belt, and sneak up behind you without notice… I should be there… now!” He yells grabbing my waist from behind.

“You asshole.” I yell smacking the side of his head.

“I already have your bag, unless you brought more than just this one.”

“No just the one.”

“I’m impressed. Miss Model didn’t bring her entire wardrobe with her.”

“Why would I do that when I’m about to buy an entire new wardrobe here.” I say laughing.

“I should have known.” He says grabbing my hand, pulling me towards the exit.

“The cars over here.” He says leading the way.

The driver pops the trunk and he throws my suitcase in before slamming it shut. He walks around to the side of the car, opening the back door for me to get in. I hop in and he follows, shutting the door behind him. I immediately smile when I notice Justin sitting next to me.

“How was your flight?” He asks grinning at me.

“Long, boring, horrible. Please tell me I don’t have to fly back alone.” I say pouting.

“We’ll be going back with you.” he says, patting my thigh.

“Good.” I say, biting my bottom lip, trying my hardest not to jump the man.

Justin clears his throat, “Was there ah… anything you wanted to do while you were here?” He asks, still grinning.

“Will you two cut the shit and kiss already.” Ryan says shaking his head.

“You sure? I mean I haven’t seen her in 6 weeks.” Justin says, never looking away from me.

Ryan groans, “Oh for fuck sake just kiss her. I know you want to, just don’t get too kinky. I am right next to you. First sound of a moan and I’m separating you.”

“Think you can be quiet?” Justin asks, trying his hardest not to laugh.

“I’ll do my best.” I say, slowly making my way onto his lap to straddle his waist.

I feel him slowly run his hands up my thighs, inching my skirt up with them.

Ryan smacks Justin’s hand, stopping it from moving any higher, making us both laugh.

“Give me your sweater.” he orders, practically taking it off me himself.

“Jeez Ry, I thought you didn’t want us to get kinky. Now your stripping me yourself.” I say handing him my sweater.

“I want something to shield my view. I don’t necessarily want to see my sister get felt up.” He says holding the sweater up in between us.

I shake my head and turn back towards Justin, leaning forward to give him a quick kiss. I pull back, winking at him before taking a seat in between him and Ryan, pulling the sweater down with me.

“Did you really think I was going to get down and dirty while your sitting right next to me? That’s wrong on way too many levels. What’s the matter with you?”

“Seriously though… I would love to kiss your sister. Think you can handle a little tongue?” Justin asks chuckling at Ryan.

“I said kiss her. Fucking kiss her already.”

I look back towards Justin as he pulls my face closer to his with his hand on my cheek.

Hot damn have I missed this man’s mouth. I could seriously kiss him all day long and be completely content with it.

What I didn’t miss was his damn cell phone always ringing.

Like it is now.

Justin groans, pulling away from me, “I’m sorry.”

He leans to the side, grabbing his phone out of his pocket, “Hello?”

I sit there watching him listen to whoever was on the other line for a minute before turning back towards Ryan.

“Do I get to hear this amazing song you wrote for this amazing artist I’ve never heard of?”

“Yes, smartass. I’ll take you to the studio later to meet her. She’s still recording the rest of her album.”

“Mom, just tell me. I’m not coming home for no reason. Shit, Lauren just got here.” Justin says, sighing.

I turn back towards Justin to see what’s happening.

“What do you mean it would better if I heard this in person. What’s going on? Tell me!” He says, slightly raising his voice.

He wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him to kiss the top of my head.

“We were planning on coming home in a couple of days anyways, can this wait? She just got here and I wanted to show her around. God at least give me a day with her…” He sighs, “Alright I’ll be back as soon as I can… Ok, Love you too.”

“What’s the matter?” I ask as he shuts his phone, tossing it into his lap.

He sighs again, “I have to go back to LA.”

“I gathered that much.” I say, chuckling, trying to lighten the mood.

It didn’t work.

“Did she say why?” Ryan asks.

“No. She just said it would be better if I found out in person.” He answers, shaking his head.

“That’s crazy. Why couldn’t she just tell you?” Ryan says, sighing

“I don’t know, but it sounds serious… I’m sorry baby.” he says, grabbing my hand in his and squeezing it.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure it’s really important or your mom wouldn’t have called and asked you back so quickly. I’ll stay with Ryan and you go back, figure out what’s going on.”

Justin sighed heavily again, “I really wanted to spend some time with you. Damn I haven’t seen you in over six weeks. I finally get you here and I have to leave.”

“I can come back with you if you want me to. We’ll at least have 14 hours together.” I suggest.

“You just got here though. I know you wanted to see Paris.”

“I came to see you and you’re leaving.”

He chuckles, “Yeah… You didn’t at all come here because it’s Paris.”

I smile, “Ok so maybe a little, but I’m sure I can come here again sometime right? We haven’t gone to war with Paris yet, I’m sure I could find another flight here.”

“You should stay with Ryan. I know you want to be here.”

“Oh for the love of God people. We’ll all go back. You two are insane. Were you planning on going back and forth over this for days? Jesus man. We’ll go back to the hotel, get our bags and hop on a plane back to LA. Everyone happy?”

“No.” Justin and I say at the same time, making Ryan roll his eyes and shake his head.

“Tough, we’re going home.”

This is quite possibly going to be the longest day of my life.

I have literally been on a plane for twenty out of twenty-four hours and I still have eight more hours to go.

Justin and Ryan promised they’d keep me company, because they knew how horrible my first trip was. Yeah that worked out well…

Ryan is currently sprawled out across the couch, sleeping. Justin has been either on his phone or sleeping, like he is now. I’m going to kill the bastards when we get home.

This trip probably wont be half as bad as the earlier flight was. Justin got us a private plane for the trip home. Yeah, a private plane. Just another nice perk of being a celebrity with way too much money. It’s really nice though. There are 3 different sections of the plane. We are currently in the ’seating’ section. There’s 2 couches across from each other with 2 rows of seating behind them. It’s very spacious.

The second section is where these two knuckleheads should be, the ‘sleeping’ section. Yeah I said sleeping section. There’s a hallway with two bedrooms across from each other. They’re not huge or anything, but at least you can sleep on a bed and not a reclining chair… or couch.

The third section is where the crew is. I haven’t seen it, so I have no idea what it looks like, but I’m sure it’s nice.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” Justin asks in a long yawn.

I turn towards him and smile, “I can’t sleep in moving objects.”

“You have to be tired.” He says stretching out his arms over his head, yawning again.

“Extremely, but like I said I can’t sleep in a moving object. I’ve never been able to. I tried on the way here, but I couldn’t do it.”

“You’re on a plane. You can’t even feel it moving.” He says, pulling me onto his lap so I’m straddling his waist.

“True, but I know it’s moving.”

He tilts his head to the side, looking over towards where Ryan was sleeping, then looks back over at me, “I guess I’m going to have to take your mind off the fact your in a moving plane then huh?” He says, grinning.

“It’s worth a shot.” I say, before getting up off his lap to walk towards the bedrooms.

“Where are you going?” He asks, “I was thinking we could play Go Fish.”

I turn back towards him and raise an eyebrow, “That sounds really… fun, but I think I’m going to go lie down, probably take this dress off, get more comfortable. You can wake Ryan up to see if he wants to play with you.” I turn and walk into one of the bedrooms, closing the door behind me. Seconds later I hear the door open.

“Stop.” He says closing the door behind him.

I drop the hem of my dress back down and turn back towards him, “What?”

“I want to do it.” He says, walking closer to me. “I haven’t gotten to do this for too long.”

His hands slide from my hips to my lower back, gently pulling me closer to him as he leaned down to kiss me. I open my lips, granting him access. I wrap my arms around his neck, trying desperately to get him closer to me. I couldn’t get enough of him. My mouth, my hands, my legs, I couldn’t touch or kiss him enough.

He ran his hands down over my ass, slowly, grabbing the hem of my dress. His fingers gently touched my skin as he lifted the dress up and over my head, breaking the kiss just long enough to get his shirt off too. My dress went flying in one direction and his shirt went in another.

It seemed like it only took seconds for us to be completely naked, lying on the bed together, still kissing, hands roaming every inch of each other’s bodies.

I gently run my fingers along the side of his shaft, eliciting a deep moan from him.

I push him so he’s flat on his back, gently kissing down his chest. I feel him grab my arms, pulling me back up to face him.

“What’s the matter?” I ask.

“I need you so bad it hurts. There isn’t any time for foreplay right now. We can do all that when we get home.” he says, pulling me in for another mind blowing kiss.

I push up on his chest, so I’m sitting up right, straddling his waist. I lift my body up high enough to position his dick at my entrance. I slowly stroke him a few times before gradually sliding down onto him. My head hangs forward as I soak in the pleasure just this one simple move has shot through my body.

He rubs hands up my thighs, planting them at my hips. I slowly start to rise up off him before sliding back down. I do this over and over and over, running my hand up and down his chest with every move.

“Fuck… you feel so good Laur…” He says pulling me down flat against his chest.

He starts out slowly thrusting up into me, but gradually thrusts faster and harder.

“Ugh… Oh God, Justin.”

“Look at me baby.” He says breathlessly.

I pull my head up, placing my forehead to his and open my eyes just as my orgasm races through my body. My body clamping down around him milking him of his own release.

Justin rolls off me slowly, plopping down on the bed, pulling me against his chest. I lean down, pulling the blanket up over us, before nestling into his chest to try and relax.

“Guys we’re… Oh Shit.”

I slowly open my eyes and turn towards the door to see it slowly shutting.

“Ryan?” I call out.

The door opens slowly and I see him poke his head around.

“What are you doing?” I ask, sitting up, making sure to bring the sheet up with me to keep myself covered.

“I didn’t realize you two were… exposed in here.”

I laugh, “You can look, we’re all covered.”

He finally looks up at me, “Look I just wanted to let you know we should be landing in a few minutes.”

“Really? Wow that means I actually slept?” Way to go Justin!

“Yeah it doesn’t look like you slept all that much though.”

“We’ll be out in a minute.” I say, rolling my eyes, as he shuts the door quietly behind him.

I turn to look down at Justin, just as he sneaks an arm around my waist, pulling me down next to him, kissing my forehead.

“So I hear you slept?” He says smiling, still not opening his eyes.

“I did. Thank you.”

“Anytime darlin’.” he says, finally opening his eyes, “Did he say we were landing?”

“Mmmhmm.”

“Unfortunately that means we need to get up.” He says, kissing me, before jumping out of bed in search for his clothes.

He tossed me mine and I quickly got dressed and followed him out of the room to take our seats for landing.

Ryan and I walked through the airport together so we wouldn’t be mobbed with Justin. We hopped in the car and waited for Justin to make his way through the swarm of people. He finally made it to the car and we took off rather quickly.

The car ride was abnormally quiet. I think we were all a little nervous about what was going on at Justin’s, and no one wanted to talk about it.

The driver lets us know we’re here and we all sit there silent for a second before Ryan breaks.

“We should go and unpack. Call us later when…” Ryan slowly trails off starring out the window.

Justin and I both turn towards the house to see what looks like his mother, Trace and a little girl sitting on the front porch.

“Is that…” I ask, but can’t finish.

“That’s a little girl right?” Justin asks shaking his head.

“When did Trace have a kid?” Ryan asks, turning towards Justin.

“He didn’t.” Justin says, starring at his hands in his lap.

“So who’s that?” Ryan asks.

“Shut up Ryan.” I warn, through gritted teeth.

“She can’t be mine, right? I mean what is she like 6 or something? That would bring us back to 200... 2... Shit.”

“Shit?” Ryan asks.

“Fuck… This can’t be happening right now.” Justin says starting to breathe rather heavily.

“Baby, calm down. You don’t even know what’s going on. Maybe Trace took up a babysitting job, but wanted to be here with you for the big news.” I suggest knowing that wasn’t at all plausible.

Justin turned towards me with a raised eyebrow. “That would never happen.”

I sigh, “I know. It’s all I could come up with though.”

“I think we should go.” Ryan suggest quietly, opening the door and hopping out.

I sit there for a second trying to think this out in my head. Should I stay and be with him for this. This is rather huge. Or should I let him do this on his own. He probably wants to do this on his own.

I lean forward to kiss his cheek. I slowly slide towards the door as he grabs my arm.

“Please don’t go.”

I turn back towards him, biting my lower lip, “You want me to stay?”

“I can’t do this. I think I’m going to be sick.”

“You have to.”

“Come with me then… Please. I can’t do this alone.”

“You have your mom and Trace here.”

“Please don’t leave me because of this.”

“I’m not leaving you… Look just go… meet your little girl and… and call me in a couple days when you’ve figured everything out and I’ll… I’ll come meet her and we can go from there.”

He sighed, “You’re not ok with this are you?”

Honestly I have no idea how I feel about this, but I can’t tell him that.

“Justin, you need to face this. Get out of the car and face this. I’ll be here when you figure everything out.” I say, grabbing his face to kiss him.

I pull away and step out of the car. Ryan had brought Justin’s bag up to Trace while we were still in the car and was on his way back when I stepped out. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it, telling me what we thought was happening was really happening.

I think I might be sick.

Justin steps out, quietly saying good-bye to the both of us before making his way towards the house.

Ryan and I get back in the car and he tells the driver to leave.

“Lauren…”

“I don’t want to talk about it Ry.”

“You’re going to have to deal with this sooner or later.”

“I don’t have to deal with anything. Justin does… How can he not know he has a kid? What kind of person keeps that from someone? And why is she here now? Where has she been? Does this make me a type of step-mom or something?”

Ryan chuckles, “That’s up to you and whether or not you want to be… I can’t answer the rest of your questions.”

“Can we not talk about this anymore?”

“After you tell me how you feel about this.”

“You’re a pushy bastard you know that?”

“Lauren…”

“I feel horrible for Justin. I can’t imagine what he’s going through right now.”

“How do you feel about this?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes.”

I sigh, “I don’t know. I haven’t really let it sink in yet. This is huge… It doesn’t change how I feel about Justin though. I know that much.”

“And how do you feel about him?”

“Pushy bastard.” I mumble.

“Answer the damn question Laur.”

“I’m…” I pause to sigh.

“You’re in love with him.” He finishes for me.

“That’s crazy Ry… We haven’t really been together that long. I can’t be…”

“Who you trying to convince me or you?”

I just stare at him.

“Stop fooling yourself Laur. You’re in love with him, but how are you going to deal with him having a kid?”

“Why does that have to make a difference? If I love him, like you think I do, why wouldn’t I love him as a package? Obviously his… daughter would be a part of the package right?”

“Just answer me straight… Are you ok with this?”

I sigh, biting my lower lip, “Yes, I’m ok with this. I just hope he’s ok with this.”

It’s been a week since I’ve talked to Justin.

I guess I should’ve expected this. I mean the man is meeting his daughter for the first time. I’m sure he’s going through a lot of shit right now and the last thing on his mind is me.

I still can’t believe this is happening. I mean, the man has a daughter. A daughter that looks to be 5 or 6 years old. That’s insane. How can someone keep something so huge from someone for so long? And why the hell would someone not want Justin to be the father of their kid.

Maybe he knew and didn’t want anything to do with her. Maybe it was a one night stand that ended badly and he couldn’t ruin his career over something like that so he paid her off.

But why is she here now?

No… He wouldn’t do that. He seems to family oriented to ever do something like that.

I’m driving myself crazy over this. I don’t even know if he wants me to be a part of his life anymore. I assume he has enough on his plate, he doesn’t need me to add to it.

“You know you can leave the house, he has your cell phone number.” Ryan says, leaning on the doorframe to my room.

I keep my eyes on the TV, “I don’t want to go out. And that’s not why I’m not going out. I just don’t want to.”

“Look at me and say that.” He says challenging me.

I look directly at him, “I don’t want to go anywhere. Happy?”

“Why? This isn’t the Lauren I know and love… The Lauren I know would be out shopping to take her mind off everything. The Lauren I know would be out with her friends, living her life. The Lauren I know used to talk to me. Talk to me Laur.” He says, walking towards me, taking a seat on the edge of my bed, patting my leg.

I take a deep breath and look at him for a second, “It’s been a week. He hasn’t called and I know he has a huge reason why he hasn’t, but I can’t help but feel like he doesn’t want me in his life anymore. Like this is too much for him.”

“He’d be a moron to give you up.”

“You’re my brother, you’re supposed to say things like that.”

“It’s the truth. I haven’t met a man that didn’t want to be with you.”

“That’s because they’ve seen me practically naked in magazines. Not because they actually want an actual relationship with me.”

“That’s a bad thing?” He asks, laughing.

I smack the side of his, laughing with him.

“I’m joking. I think you should just give him time. He’ll come around. He just found out he has a daughter. That’s life altering. I’m sure there’s a lot of shit he has to do. This can’t be easy for him.”

“Oh believe me I know this can’t be easy, that’s why I feel like shit feeling like this. I’m selfish aren’t I?”

“You’re not selfish Laur. You’re in love.”

“Would you stop saying that. I’m not in love with him.”

He laughs, “You keep telling yourself that.”

************************************************************************

“What the hell are you doing?” Ryan asks walking, or trying to walk into my room.

The floor was covered with pictures, papers, stickers, stamps, pens, markers… yeah you get the idea. I’m trying to make a scrapbook. I figured I’d try to get my mind off things.

“I’m making a scrapbook.” I answer, lifting a finished book up to him.

He grabs it, sitting down next to me, flipping through it.

He shuts the book placing it on the floor in front of him and sighs, “Come out with me tonight.”

I sigh, “I don’t want to go out Ryan. I want to make a scrapbook.”

“Lauren it’s been three weeks, you need to get out of the house.”

“I’ve been out of the house. You act like I’ve been a hermit. I’ve been out, I’ve shopped, I’ve been to the club… I don’t want to go anywhere tonight ok?”

“Lauren, your starting to drive me insane along with you.”

“I’m not going insane, I’m taking up a hobby. You fuck random girls as a hobby… I‘m just making a scrapbook. It may be more boring to you , but I enjoy it.”

“That was uncalled for.” he says glaring at me.

I sigh, “I know… I’m sorry Ryan.”

“Are you going to answer that?” Ryan asks, shaking his head.

“Yes, when you leave.” I say glaring at him.

He puts his hands up in surrender and walks out of the room, closing the door behind him.

“Hello?” I answer, regretting not checking who it was first.

I get no response so I pull the phone away to check to see how it was or if I lost the call.

I slowly put the phone back up to my ear, “Hello?” I say, quietly.

I’m met with silence again.

“Justin?”

“Yeah…” he answers quietly.

My breath hitches in my throat at the sound of his voice. I keep trying to speak, but nothing seems to want to come out of my mouth.

“I’m so sorry.” He says after a few minutes of silence.

“Why? You have no reason to…”

“I should have called you sooner.” He interjects.

“Justin, I’m sure you’ve been busy.”

“That’s not an excuse.” He says blankly.

“Justin, you just had this life altering event fall in your lap. I… I can’t imagine what you’ve been going through. I in no way expected you to call me. I’m actually surprised you did.”

“Why wouldn’t I call you?”

“You just found out you have a daughter. I think you have enough on your plate and I didn’t think you needed me adding to it right now.”

He fell silent again.

“What is she like?” I ask, not knowing why I don’t think things through before speaking.

He sighs, “She’s amazing. She’s 6, but she’ll be 7 in November… Her name is Mackenzie… Her mother just recently died of breast cancer and left her to me in her will.”

“That’s horrible.”

“Yeah, I can’t imagine what’s going on in her little head right now. I can tell she misses her. I guess they were really close… It’s been so hard.” He tells me, chocking out the last part.

“I just found out today she really is mine. Not that there was every a question, we just had to make sure.” He added after a minute.

“How have you been?” he asks breaking the silence that had taken over once again.

I chuckle, “Well, at the moment I’m trying my first attempt at a scrapbook.”

“Scrapbook?” He asks chuckling, “You never seemed like the scrap booking type.”

I laugh, “Yeah, well I needed a hobby.”

“I really want to see you.” He blurts out.

I can’t help but smile, “Ok.”

“I haven’t left my house in three weeks, I’m going stir crazy… Can I take you to dinner?”

I bite my lower lip to hold back my smile, “That sounds nice, but what about Mackenzie?”

“She’s going to the movies with my mom.”

“You should go.”

He sighs, “I just want one night of normalcy. Please.”

“Justin, spending time with your daughter is your new normalcy.”

“If you don’t want to go, tell me.” He says, sounding irritated.

“Justin it’s not like that. Of course I want to go… I just… I don’t know I guess I just don’t want to come in between you two.”

“You wont… You can’t. If anything you’d be a part of us. That’s if you want to. I know this is a lot, but a guy can hope right?”

I chuckle, “Can I meet her?”

“I would love that.”

“Ok.”

“Why don’t you go get ready for dinner and come over when your ready. You two can meet and we’ll leave when they leave. We’ll be back before they are. I just want dinner, alone, with you. Please.”

“Ok, I’ll see you soon.”

************************************************************************

“Where are you going?” Ryan asks from the couch.

I stop and turn towards him, “Dinner… I’ll be back later.”

“With?” he questions, turning fully towards me.

“Justin.”

“He called?” He asks, raising an eyebrow.

I nod, grabbing my purse and sliding my shoes on. “I have to go. I’ll see you later.”

“Whoa hold up… What happened?” he yells.

“I’ll tell you later…” I yell through the door, running to my car.

The ride to Justin’s seemed like it took forever. We literally live 5 maybe 10 minutes away from each other and it felt like it took an hour.

I pulled into his driveway, turning off the car and I take a deep breath.

“Here goes nothing.” I prep myself.

I hop out of the car and make my way up to the front door. I stand there a second before I ring the doorbell.

Trace answers the door with a big smile, “Hey L.”

“Hey T.” I say smiling.

He moves to the side to let me in, closing the door behind me.

“J and Mac will be down in a minute.”

“Thanks.”

“Daddy, I can’t find my other shoe!” I hear Mackenzie yell.

“You have a hundred pairs, pick another pair that you can find.” Justin yells back.

“But they wont go with this outfit.” she yells back.

Trace and I laugh.

“Your six, why are worrying about what your wearing?” He yells back.

“Dad we live in LA! Hello!” she says in a snotty tone.

I laugh, “He’s got his hands full huh?” I ask Trace.

“To say the least… You should’ve been here when they had a discussion on food. Apparently Mac only eats organic foods.” he says laughing.

“Oh boy.” I say laughing.

“Found it!” She yells, running down the stairs.

Holy shit.

She looks just like him. Blonde ringlets down to her shoulders, pulled back by a few bobby pins, she has his eyes, it’s incredible. She’s a beautiful little girl… she’ll be batting the boys away or I guess Justin will be in a few years.

“Who’s this? Your lover?” She asks walking up to me and Trace.

My eyes go wide and Trace laughs, “No she’d be your fathers…”

“Friend.” I interject, smacking his arm. He just laughs.

“So your Lauren?” She asks, sizing me up.

I have to say, it was a little uncomfortable being sized up by a 6 year old. It was a little intimidating.

Wait how does she know about me? I look over at Trace with a raised eyebrow. He just laughs and walks off.

Thanks…

“Yeah, you must be Mackenzie.”

“That’s me.” She says smiling.

“It’s nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you.” I say smiling down at her.

“I’ve heard a lot about you too… You’re really pretty… are you an actress or something?”

“Uhh… No I’m… I’m a model. At least I was. I’m not so sure what I am anymore.” I answer truthfully.

“You’re beautiful.” I hear from the stairway.

We both turn towards the source. I immediately smile, seeing Justin walking towards us.

“I see you two have already met.” He says, as he approaches us.

“Yup.” Mackenzie says smiling.

“Yes.” Justin corrects her.

“Like I said, Yup.”

“Yup isn’t a word.” he says turning towards her.

“Yes it is… The dictionary says its an informal way of saying yes. So there.” She says, sticking out her tongue at him.

I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. Justin shakes his head and bends down to her level and looks her straight in the eye.

“Yup makes you sound unintelligent. I can tell you’re a smart kid and we don’t want people getting the wrong idea of you right?”

“No.” she answers, pouting.

“Then we should probably start talking like and intelligent 6 year old not a 3 year old. K?”

“Ok. Sorry.”

Wow he’s got this father thing down already.

“It’s ok.” He says kissing her forehead. “I love you.” He whispers in her ear making her giggle.

“Me too.” She says skipping into the kitchen.

He stands back up and faces me, grinning from ear to ear.

“Hey.” He says, placing his hand on either side of my head, stroking my cheeks with his thumbs.

“Hey.” I say as he leans in to kiss me. I grab his elbows to keep my balance.

“I missed you.” he says between kisses.

“Ewwww.” Mackenzie says shaking her head.

Justin pulls away from me and I turn my head to laugh.

“You wont be saying that in a couple years, kiddo.” Trace says laughing.

“Don’t even start Trace. Seriously.” Justin warns, pointing towards him.

“It’s the truth.” he says, dodging the hat Justin just threw at him.

“Where’s my beautiful granddaughter?” Lynn asks walking into the house, “Oh hello, You must be Lauren.”

I nod, smiling, “And you must be Justin’s mother.”

“How’d you guess?” She asks laughing.

I laugh, “It must be the accent because you two look nothing alike.” I say sarcastically.

“It’s nice to meet you.” she says, smiling, throwing Justin a nod.

What the hell was that?

“It’s nice to meet you too.” I say smiling.

“Ready?” Justin asks, placing a hand on my lower back.

I nod, saying good-bye to everyone.

Here goes nothing… again.

I never thought I’d be saying this, but… I’m head over heals in love with the man sitting in front of me. He’s incredible. I don’t know if it was seeing him with Mackenzie or if it was just seeing him again after 3 weeks, but there’s not doubt in my mind.

I’m in love with him.

There’s just one problem. Now is not exactly the time to tell him this. He has enough craziness in his life at the moment, he certainly doesn’t need me telling him I love him already.

“Is everything ok?” He asks again for the third time tonight.

Apparently I’m not hiding this well.

“Yeah… I’m fine, why?” I ask, wiping my face with the napkin to hide any insecurity in my voice.

“You’ve been acting funny since we got here.”

Shit…

“I’m fine. I guess I’m just getting used to all the attention your getting. We haven’t really been in public together before.”

He nods slowly, “Do you want to leave?”

“No.” I say quickly, “No, I’m sorry…Uh… I’m just going to run to the ladies room. I promise I’ll be better when I get back.”

I grab my purse and make my way into the ladies room. I stop in front of the mirror and stare at myself.

“Get a hold of yourself.” I yell at myself.

I take a couple deep breaths before turning back towards the door. The door flies open and I’m greeted with Justin on the other side.

“Holy shit… you scared me.” I say, grabbing my stomach.

He just stands there staring at me for a second before he speaks.

“Is this about Mackenzie?” He asks.

My eyes grow wide, “No, god… of course it’s not.”

“Is it about me? Do you not want to be with me anymore?”

“Where is this coming from?”

“And there’s my answer… Let’s go I’ll take you home.”

I stand there in shock as he walks away, throwing money on the table before walking out the door. I quickly make my way through the restaurant and walk out to the car. Justin was sitting there waiting with the engine rolling already.

I take a deep breath before opening the door and settling in. He doesn’t speak, he just puts the car into drive and takes off. Neither of us spoke the whole way to the house. I kept trying, but I couldn’t think of anything to say. I don’t know how to react to what he said. I can’t believe he thinks that. I’m still a little shocked.

He turns the car off and sits back with a big sigh.

“I don’t not want to be with you, Justin.” I finally say.

“Then why are you acting like this? You were fine at the house earlier, then we get to the restaurant and you become a drone. You don’t speak, you keep fidgeting, I don’t know what happened. Was it because I didn’t call for so long? Or is it really because you can’t handle the thought of maybe being a mom to Mackenzie.”

I inhale a sharp breath and turn towards him, “I told you it has nothing to do with Mackenzie, so stop.”

“Well if it has to do with me it has to do with her. We’re a packaged deal now.”

“I know, but you think I’m acting this way because of her and I’m not. It’s not like that.”

“Then how is it? Huh? What’s your fucking problem?”

My eyes grow wide at his harsh words, “I know this has been hard on you, but don’t take it out on me… You know what, I’m done with this conversation. When you grow up and want to talk, call me.” I say before jumping out of the car, stomping towards mine.

“It’s probably better this way anyways… It’s not like you’re mother material anyways.” He yells towards me.

My body freezes in place and my eyes immediately begin to water. I don’t want him to get any gratification from making me cry, so I open my car down, slamming it shut before turning on the engine and screeching out of his driveway.

I cried the whole way home. I’m not even sure how I got home, quite honestly. When I pulled into the driveway I broke down in sobs. How could this have happened. Why does he think that?

What the hell just happened?

I finally pull myself together enough to walk into the house, silently praying Ryan is no where near my end of the house. I sigh, closing the door behind me, so far so good. I start up the stairs and stop in my tracks when I see Ryan walking down towards me.

“How was your… Oh god what happened?” he asks, running down towards me. He scooped me up into a hug as I began to break into sobs again.

He eventually carried me up into my room, laying me down on top of my bed. I obviously feel asleep, because there is no way it’s still night time with the amount of sunlight hitting my face right now.

I groan turning on my other side to block the sunlight from hitting my face direct on and smash into something. My eyes fly open to find Ryan sound asleep next to me.

This is weird.

I sit up, shaking my head, trying to figure out if last night really happened.

“You want to talk about it?” Ryan asks through a yawn.

I take it, it really did happen and it wasn’t some horrid dream…

“Not really.” I say quietly.

“Lauren, please… What happened?”

“I don’t know. I still just don’t know.” I say as a single tear falls down my face.

Ryan sits up next to me, throwing his arm around me, pulling me closer to him. I drop my head onto his shoulder and let a few more tears fall.

“Talk to me Laur.” He says, running his hand up and down my arm.

“I don’t know where to start. I still don’t understand how this happened.” I say shaking my head.

“From the beginning.” he says quietly.

“Ok… I got to his house and Trace answered the door… I met Mackenzie… She’s beautiful… She looks just like him… Ummm I met his mother too. She was sweet. I don’t know… we went to dinner and I guess I was acting funny because he kept asking what was wrong.”

“Why were you acting funny?”

“I don’t know.” I lie.

“Lauren…”

I sigh, closing my eyes, “You were right.” I say barely audible.

“about?” He asks, obviously hearing me.

“My feelings.”

He sighs, “And I’m guessing you told him and he didn’t take it well?”

“No. I didn’t tell him and he told me I wasn’t mother material.”

Ryan jumps back forcing me to face him. “He said what to you?” He asks angrily.

“We got in this fight in the car and he started swearing at me so I told him to call me when he grew up. That pissed him off so he told me it was probably better off this way because I wasn’t really mother material.” I say, choking out the last part, trying hard not to break again.

“I’m going to kill him.” He says to himself.

“No your not, your going to stay with me and keep me company.” I say forcing a smile.

“After I kill him.”

“You’re not going to kill him. He’s probably right anyways.”

“Don’t you dare say that. You will make an amazing mother one day. If he’s stupid enough to think you wont be, that’s his loss.”

“Yeah well it’s my loss too.” I say looking down at my fingers.

“Why don’t you come to my office with me. I just have to send out a few song ideas to some people, then we can go shopping for shoes. How’s that sound.”

“Shoes? You hate shoe shopping… especially with me.” I say finally cracking a smile.

“I’ll do anything to keep that smile on your face.” He says smiling.

“Thank you Ryan. I love you, you know.”

“I know… I love you too kid.” He says, grabbing me in for a hug.

************************************************************************

I can’t believe what a dick Justin was to Lauren. I don’t care how upset you are with someone. You never tell a woman she’d be a bad mother. That really fucks with a woman’s head.

The nerve of that bastard, thinking he’d get away with this shit.

I feel horrible for Lauren. She looks so depressed. She wouldn’t even put make-up on this morning before we left. She’s currently rolled up in a ball on the couch in my office, reading Cosmo.

I almost shit myself when I saw I had scheduled some writing time for this afternoon with Justin, but there isn’t a snowballs chance in hell he’d show his face in here after last night. He’d have to be the dumbest mother fucker to try something like that.

“Ryan, can I ask you something without you getting weirded-out?” Lauren asks, looking at me from over the top of her magazine.

“Sure.” I say smiling. I do just about anything to make her happy at this point.

“Ok well I’m reading this article and I was just wondering if it was true.”

“What makes you think I’d know.”

“Because you’re a dog.” She says laughing to herself.

“Nice Laur…”

“You are. I’m sure you’ve done every position in the book and then made some of your own.”

“I’m not talking about this with you.” I say shaking my head, turning towards the window to try and block her crazy smirk.

“Aww come on. It’s not that personal.” She says, still smirking at me.

“Still not having this conversation with you. I never want to hear about your sexual adventures and I thought you’d feel the same way.”

“Eww Ryan. I don’t want to know about them. Jesus. I just had a general question about this article and I figured you would know.”

“What is it?” I ask, still staring out the window, shaking my head.

“This article says that out of the thousands of men they surveyed, 95% of them said they could tell when a woman was faking it. Can you?” She asks, raising an eyebrow.

“They are full of shit and don’t realize it.” I say laughing.

“That’s what I thought. They just don’t know their girl is faking it right?”

“If you’ve given her a real one, it’s easier to make out the difference, but if you’ve never given her a real one they can’t possib… You’ve got to be shitting me.” I say scrunching up my face, trying to see out the window.

“What?” She asks looking worried.

“That can’t be…” I start but stop, turning towards Lauren.

“Sit. Don’t move. Hear me?” I say sternly.

She nods, sitting back down comfortably on the couch. I walk out of my office, closing the door behind me, just as Justin walks down the hallway towards me.

“Hey man.” he says, with a big smile.

Oh I’m about to rip that smug shit off his face. Where the fuck does he get off coming here right now.

“Do you have a death wish?” I ask pushing Justin up against the wall.

“What are you talking about Decker?”

“Don’t you fucking ‘Decker’ me. I’m not your friend.”

“Since when? What the fucks going on?”

“Did you or did you not promise to never hurt my sister?”

Justin fell silent, realizing what this was all about.

“You did, numerous times as I recall. And what did I say to you when you promised me?”

He stayed silent again.

“What did I fucking tell you?” I yelled.

“That you’d kill me if I ever hurt her. But Ryan I didn’t mea…”

“Don’t you fucking try it. I don’t give a shit if you meant to or not. You did. How could you do this to her? How could you say that shit to her and not think she’d be hurt by it?” I ask pushing him against the wall again.

“Ryan I didn’t want to hurt her. I care about her a lot and the last thing she probably wants is to help me figure out this crazy situation and help me raise my daughter. I gave her an easy out. I could tell she didn’t want to do this so I let her go the only way I knew how.”

“By telling her she’d be a horrible mother?”

“I never said that.”

“Oh right you told her she wasn’t really mother material. Isn’t that the same thing?”

“Ryan I said that to let her go. I didn’t mean any of it.”

“Then why’d you say it. Lauren is a strong woman. If she wanted out of the relationship, she would have gotten out.”

“She also has a huge heart and would never leave me like this. So I helped her.”

“She doesn’t need your help. She didn’t want out of the relationship Justin.”

“Then why was she acting so strange during dinner after just meeting Mackenzie and my mom?”

“Are you really that dense? Jesus Justin. She was acting weird because she’s in love with you and it freaked her out. She saw you with your daughter and realized she was in love with you, but couldn’t tell you because now was not the best time.” I sigh, shaking my head, “Then you go and break her heart. I’ve never seen her like this Justin. She’s trying to be strong for me, but I can see through her… You just broke the one thing I had left that was stable in my life. Why would you do that? You don’t make decisions for people. Especially decisions this huge.”

“Ryan, I’m sorry I thought…”

“I don’t give a shit what you thought. Ever heard of talking? It would have saved a lot of heartache… You know what… Stay away from her. I don’t ever want to find out you’ve tried to reach her or see her or I will kill you. I mean it Justin. Don’t test me. She means the world to me and she’s been broken too many times. Get the fuck out of my face.” I say, pushing him out of the way, walking back towards his office.

“I can’t do that.” Justin yells, causing me to stop in my tracks.

I turn on my heels and glare at him, “And why the fuck not?”

“Because I love her.”

“You have got to be shitting me. What the fuck is the matter with you?” I yell and I’m sure you could see the smoke coming out of my ears.

“You know what. You made this fucking bed now lay in it. I don’t give a shit how you feel, you are to never tell her that. Do you understand me?”

“Ryan I can’t not tell…”

“Do you fucking understand me?” I yell interrupting Justin again.

“No.” Justin yells back, “I don’t understand you. I love her Ryan. I’m sorry, but I am going to tell her, because I am going to see her and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it.”

I laugh, “There are plenty of things I can do about it. For instance I could hide her and not tell you where she is, oh wait I’ve done that already, hmm well I could also put a restraining order on you so you would be put in jail if you came within 200 feet of her. You know I can think of a lot of things I could do to keep you from her. My favorite though is kill you if you do go near her.”

Justin grins shaking his head, “You know Ryan, I know you and your sister better than you think. I’m willing to bet my life that she’s in your office right now. I’m also willing to bet there isn’t a judge in the world that would put a restraining order on me. You have no reason for one. And lastly, I’m pretty positive I could take you. So stop throwing all this bullshit at me.” He starts walking towards me, stopping right in front of me.

“Do you want me to tell you what’s really going to happen?” he continued.

“You’re going to turn around and leave the building before I call security to drag you out.”

“Not quite. Your going to go for a walk around the building with my friend back there, Mike. You remember Mike right? While you’re having your walk, I’m going to go talk with Lauren in your office. 10 minutes. That’s all I want. If she still hates me after 10 minutes I’ll leave her alone, but if there’s even a small chance of us even being friends your stuck with me whether you like it or not.”

“I’m not letting you in there.”

“Like I said before, you’re going for a walk with my friend Mike.” Justin says waving Mike over to them.

Mike goes for my arm but I whip my hand up and punch him in the chest. Mike glares at me for a minute before he rams me into the wall with his hand, holding me there by my throat.

“You really should learn to play nice. Have fun on your walk Ryan.” Justin says walking past them to my office.

“Don’t you dare go in there Timberlake. I promise you’ll regret it.” I yell.

Justin stops in his tracks when the door swings open to reveal Lauren. She looked at Justin for a second before turning her attention over to Mike and me.

“Let him go.” she says sternly.

Mike turns towards Justin to see what he wants him to do.

“Don’t fucking look at him. I said let him go. So, Let. Him. Go.”

Justin nods towards Mike to let him go. Mike drops his hold on me and I immediately lunge for Justin, but Lauren pulls him behind her, into the office, causing me to stop in front of her.

“Get out of the way Lauren.” I say through clenched teeth.

“5 minutes Ry. He can’t possibly do anymore damage in 5 minutes right?”

“Lauren you don’t have to do this.”

“5 minutes Ryan. You can time it if you want.”

“I will be.” I say eyeing Justin, as they walk into my office, closing the door behind them.

I can’t believe I’m doing this right now. I think I’m going insane. What was I thinking. I can’t do this, it’s too soon. Why would I think I could do this, I mean I could barely think about him earlier without breaking down in sobs.

Justin sits down on the couch, silently tossing my magazine on the table beside him. I can’t seem to move from my position in front of the door. I’m just standing here staring at him fidgeting with his thumbs on the couch.

Why did I agree to do this. I can’t even look at him without wanting to throw-up. This was a bad idea. A really, really bad idea.

“I think this was a bad idea.” I breath out quietly.

His head pops up to look at me. He looks hurt, but I don’t care. At least now he feels a little like I do.

“I think you should go.” I say turning away from him, looking out the window.

I hear him sigh a few times before he stands up from the couch. I watch him walk to the door from the corner of my eye. He pauses in front of the door, staring at it like it’s on wired to blow with even the smallest touch.

“I’m sorry… If I could take it back I would…” He says, staring at the doorknob.

After a few seconds of my silence he sighs, turning the doorknob.

“Why’d you say it?” I ask, tears freely falling down my face.

He let go of the door and faced me. I kept my gaze out the window, but I could see him in the corner of my eye. I watch him scratch the top of his head, before running his hands over his face.

“I was mad.”

“Huh…” I choke out, wiping my hands across my cheeks trying to rid them from the river flowing over them.

“I was mad at the world. I felt like I was being punished and I couldn’t figure out why this was happening to me.” he continues, shaking his head.

“I love Kenz with all my heart and I wouldn’t trade her for the world, but I just don’t get what I did to deserve not knowing her. I still can’t figure it out. I’ve had a daughter for almost 7 years and I just found out 3 weeks ago. That’s really fucked with me and you were right… I shouldn’t have taken it out on you, but you were acting like things had changed between us and I didn’t want that. I wanted us back.”

“Things had changed Justin.” I say, finally turning towards him. “You have a daughter.”

“So you were acting funny because of her.” He says, looking a little hurt.

I shake my head slowly, “No. I told you that last night.”

“Then what happened? You were not the woman I met at Olivia and Derek’s wedding. You weren’t the woman I had talked to every night while I was in Europe. You weren’t… You weren’t the woman I fell in love with.”

If you thought I was crying before, you should see me now. I fall back against the wall, sliding down it slowly, shaking my head.

“Get out.” I choke out between sobs.

“Lauren please don’t do this.” He begs, walking closer to me.

“I said get out.” I say through clenched teeth.

He just stares at me, blinking back tears.

“Get out!” I yell.

“Get out! Get out! Get away from me.” I scream as he tries to get closer to me again.

He kneels down in front of me as I continue to scream for him to leave me alone, trembling and crying.

“I can’t leave you… Please stop… Lauren please don’t do this. I love you and I know you fee…”

“I said get out!” I yell pushing his chest with every word.

He grabs my arms as I try to hit him harder.

“Stop it Lauren… Don’t do this.” he says, ultimately letting the tears fall down his face.

That just makes me cry harder. I try with all my might to push him away from me as the door flies open. I find my opening to push him away as he turns to see who it was at the door. He stumbles back, losing his balance, catching himself on the side table.

“Fuck.” He mumbles, grabbing his arm.

“J your bleeding man.” Mike says walking over towards him.

“I don’t care.” He groans, pushing him away, wiping his arm on his pants, leaving a large blood streak down his thigh.

“Get the fuck out of my office.” Ryan yells at the two of them.

Justin just stares at me through bloodshot eyes, not moving.

Ryan walks over to him, throwing him up against the wall making me screech at the noise.

“I said get the fuck out of my office.” Ryan says, repeating himself.

Justin keeps his gaze on me for a minute before turning to look at Ryan.

“Get out man.” Ryan says, easing up a little.

I know this is tough on him too. He and Justin had been attached at the hip for weeks and this can’t be easy on him.

Justin just stares at Ryan, like he’s waiting for something.

“You tried man…”Ryan started, trailing off.

“I need more time with her.” He pleads with him.

“Your times up.” Ryan says flatly.

Justin takes a deep breath, throwing his head down. Out of no where he rams Ryan backwards. Ryan stumbles back, but catches his self. Justin stands there weakly looking at Ryan just waiting for him to hit him. It’s like he really wants him to do it.

I watch Ryan’s face start to boil and I know he’s about to go for it.

“Ryan don’t!” I yell just as he takes a swing at Justin’s face.

I watch the scene like it was playing in slow motion. Ryan’s fist hit Justin in the eye, sending a loud smack echoing through the room. Justin’s face slowly rotates to the left as he stumbles back against Mike. Ryan throws another fist, this time hitting him in the jaw.

“Ryan stop it!” I scream over and over as he lets out his aggression on Justin and he just lays there taking it.

“Ryan stop… Please stop… Mike pull him away from him.” I scream, keeping my distance from Ryan’s swinging arm.

Mike finally regains control, pulling Ryan away from Justin, holding him against the opposite wall. I sit there on the floor in shock.

What the hell just happened?

I glare over at Ryan, who is finally coming to his senses. He face looks pained, almost like it hurt him more to hit him than it did for Justin to get hit.

I turn towards Justin and gasp out loud at what I see. He’s kneeling on the floor on all fours, bleeding from his nose and mouth. It’s not a small trickle of blood either, it’s just short of gushing. He keeps coughing up blood from the few blows to his stomach, spitting the blood on the floor in front of him.

“Oh my god.” I gasp, seeing the blood fly from his mouth.

He slowly pulls his head up to look at me and I can tell it hurts like hell to do it, but he does anyways. I watch his eyes start to water again. Even through the swelling that’s already started to form around his eye, I can see the pain in them. He mouths, ‘I’m sorry’ before slowly making his way up to his feet, using the wall for support, groaning from all the pain.

He walks towards the door, stopping in front of Ryan and Mike.

“I’m sor…” Ryan starts, tearing up himself looking at what he’s done.

“Thank you.” Justin interrupts him, before walking out of the room and down the hall.

I start breathing heavily, quickly swallowing down the feeling to throw-up.

“He… he needs to go to… to the hospital… Mike you need to get him to a hospital.” I choke out between crying spurts.

Mike releases his hold on Ryan and he drops to the floor at Mike’s feet, staring down at his bloody knuckles.

“Are you ok?” He asks looking towards me.

“Get him to a hospital.” I say before crawling over towards Ryan, grabbing against me to rock us both back and forth.

************************************************************************

I grab my phone off the coffee table, flipping it open.

“Hello?”

“How’s my favorite girl in the entire world doing today?” I hear come through the phone.

I sigh with a smile, “I’m doing alright, How’s my favorite girl in the world doing?” I ask.

“I’d be better if you would come out to lunch with me today…” She says, and you can tell she’s biting her bottom lip in anticipation of my answer.

“I don’t know Livy… I’m not really in the mood to go anywhere.”

She sighs, “It’s been 2 weeks Lauren… I know it sucks, but you can’t do this to yourself anymore. I miss my best friend.”

“I miss you too.” I say honestly.

“Then please just have lunch with me today, I need a break from work and I really want to see you. My treat. Please…” She begs.

I sigh, “Ok… Where you thinking?”

“There’s this new deli down the street from my office. It’s supposed to have the best sandwiches in the world. I figured we could be the judge of that.”

“Ok… How about I’ll meet you there…” I pause to glance at the clock, “In an hour.”

“2 it is. I can’t wait.” She says with a squeal.

I laugh, “I’ll see you in a little bit Liv.”

“I’ll see you later babe.” She says hanging up.

I force myself off the couch to go get ready. I shower, throw some make-up on, spritz some spray in my hair to give it some waves, throw a pair of jeans and a fitted tank top on. I grab my purse, sliding my shoes on and make my way out the door.

I get there a few minutes before 2 so I wait in the car for her to show up. She rolls in a few spots down from me exactly at 2. She jumps out of her car, slamming the door as she runs towards me, grabbing me into a tight hug.

“God I missed you.” She says hugging me tighter.

“I missed you too sweetie.” I say, giving her a weak smile as she pulls away.

“I’m going to put a real smile on your face before this lunch break is over.” She says, smiling.

“I’m sure you will.”

We walk in to the deli together stopping in front of the board that reads the days specials.

“Ooh that sounds good…” Olivia says walking past the sign, straight to the worker behind the bar.

I shake my head, laughing, as I follow to place my order with hers. We grab our food and drinks, sitting down at one of the booths.

“Holy crap, they weren’t kidding. This sandwich is amazing… It almost makes me want to… Ugh… Oh god this… this is soo… Ugh…” Olivia starts mimicking Meg Ryan’s moans from When Harry Met Sally.

I can’t help but laugh. She stops, cracking herself up. She stops and watches me laugh for a minute.

“What?” I ask.

“It’s good to see you smiling again.” She says grinning at me.

“It’s good to smile again… Laugh too.” I say smiling genuinely at her.

“Thank you Livy. I needed this.” I say taking another bite from this outrageously overpriced, but insanely good sandwich.

“My pleasure darlin’.” She says laughing.

We talked for an hour, just catching up on each other’s lives, not that she had much catching up to do on mine, but it was nice to hear about her life.

“I’m going to go grab another drink to bring back to the office, I’ll be right back.”

“Ok, I’ll go toss this stuff.” I say picking up our trash, making my way to the trash cans.

“Hi.” I hear from behind me and I’m pretty sure my heart just stopped beating.

I drop the wrappers into the trash, very slowly turning towards the voice, only confirming my fears.

“Hey.” I say, forcing a smile.

“I’m not here with my dad, so you don’t have to worry.” She says biting her lower lip.

“Uncle Trace told me to tell you that.” She whispers to me.

I nod, glancing around the room. I spot Trace waiting for the sandwiches at the counter with Livy right behind him getting ready to pay. How does she not see him. He smiles at me, but it’s more of a sad smile than anything else.

I look back down at Mackenzie and my eyes start to glaze over. I think she notices because she starts to fidget.

“I just wanted to come say hi. I haven’t seen you in a while and I figured since you were here I could say hi, because I don’t think you’ll be coming back to the house anytime soon.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because you haven’t been there since you first met me.”

Oh god…

“Sweetie that’s not in anyway your fault, you know that right?” I ask, kneeling down to be eye level with her.

She shrugs, looking at me through sad eyes.

“Mackenzie…” I start, but stop to sigh.

How do you explain this to a 6 year old?

“Honey, this thing between your dad and me has nothing to do with you. You need to know that.”

“But you guys were fine before I came along.” She says, looking at the ground.

I pull her face up to face mine, “Mackenzie, what happened was not your fault. I don’t know what your dad told you, but believe me this had nothing to do with you. You’re an amazing little girl and I’d love to have spent some time with you, but things happened and your dad and I just… I don’t know we just had a falling out. It wasn’t your fault. Please don’t beat yourself up over this. I promise you it had absolutely nothing to do with you.”

“Daddy says it was his fault, but I don’t believe him.” She says quietly.

“He’s wrong.” I say quietly back to her.

She looks at me funny and I shrug, “It wasn’t anyone’s fault…” I tell her.

“It has to be someone’s fault.” She says, confused.

“Then it was both of us. You dad said some things he didn’t mean and I… I didn’t tell him things I should have.”

“You kept a secret?” She asks smiling, “Can you tell me?”

I chuckle, “I guess I could…”

“Please. I wont tell I promise.” She says smiling from ear to ear.

“I never told him I loved him.” I admit for the first time out loud.

She looks at me like I’m crazy.

“What?” I ask laughing at her face.

“If you love him and he loves you, why aren’t you together?” She asks with he hands on her hips.

“What makes you think he loves me?” I ask, laughing at her body language.

“He tells me everyday… I listen to him tell Uncle Trace all the time too. He keeps saying, ‘I screwed up… how could I screw up with her… I love her… I can’t stop thinking about her…” She says, making ‘love’ faces with each line.

“It’s all he talks about… If he’s not talking about how much he screwed up and how much he loves and misses you he’s…” She leans in to whisper the last part, “Crying.”

“Why’s he doing that?” I ask, biting my lower lip.

“He really misses you.”

“Hey Mac you ready to go?” Trace says, walking up behind her.

I stand back up, forcing a smile towards him.

“Hey L.” He says in a sad tone.

“Hey T.” I say mimicking his tone.

He sighs, looking back down at Mackenzie, “You ready?” He asks again.

She looks at me before turning back to Trace, “I guess so.”

“Ok… It was nice seeing you L…” he says, sighing again.

“You too… And you.” I start, crouching back down to her level, “Remember what I said. I would never lie to you and neither would your dad. This isn’t your fault. I promise.”

“On my life?” she asks biting her bottom lip again.

“On yours, mine, my families, Traces… your dads… Everything and everyone. I wouldn’t lie to you.” I say taking her hand in mine.

“Ok… This sucks.” She says sighing loudly.

Trace laughs, “What sucks?”

“Dad brings home the coolest and nicest girl that I’ve ever met and then ‘things happen’” She says throwing up finger quotes, “and now I can’t ever see her again… I’m stuck with you and Daddy all the time… I just wish I had some girls around.” She says looking up at him.

I slam my eyes shut, fighting back the tears threatening to spill. I open them to see Trace looking at me, asking me for help.

“Honey if things were different I would love to be with you.”

“But they aren’t and I’m still stuck with them… It’s ok I guess… I spent most my life with my mom… Now it’s dad’s turn right?” She says shrugging it off, acting like she isn’t upset, but I know she really is.

“Hey, who’s this?” Olivia asks, walking up beside me.

“Uh…” I start… I thought she knew Trace… I guess not.

“This is uh… This is Mackenzie… Justin’s daughter and this is Trace his friend.” I say, closing my eyes turning towards her.

“Oh.” She says, eyes growing wide.

“We should get back. I’m sure he’s wondering what’s taking so long.” Trace says, trying to pull Mackenzie out of the deli.

“Wait… Can you take me shopping sometime?” She asks with a pleading face. “Please.”

I look at Trace this time asking for his help. He shrugs, shaking his head.

“Honey that’s up to your dad not me.” I tell her sadly.

She sighs, nodding her head, slowly walking away from me and out the door.

I let a few tears fall down my cheek, “I’m sorry… Tell her I’m sorry. Please.” I plead with Trace and he nods, giving me a hug.

“I miss you L.” he whispers before pulling away.

“Me too.” I say smiling. I could tell he wanted to talk about him, but was fighting with himself on whether or not he should.

“I should go…” he says, walking out the door.

I think I’m going to be sick…

It’s been a rough couple of weeks.

After the episode with Ryan at his office, I’ve kept to myself mostly. I haven’t gone out of the house except for twice to help Tim out in the studio and I barely take phone calls anymore. Trace and my mom are starting to get worried, I can tell. They get that worried look on there face every time I walk in to the room.

I’m starting to get sick of it.

My face still has a few bruises, but it’s healing pretty well. I had some severe damage to my cheek bone, but nothing that wouldn’t heal on it’s own. It’s actually starting to look normal again, which is making me feel worse. At least before I could look in the mirror and know that I punished for what I did to Lauren. Now that it’s going away I feel like I got off easy.

Mackenzie and I were watching Aladdin the other day and I couldn’t help but wish that I could have a magic genie that could grant me 3 wishes.

My first wish would be that Kenzie’s mother wouldn’t have kept her from me.

My second wish would be that I could do what I love to do, but still have a normal life without being followed all the time or have my life plastered all over the papers and on TV.

My third wish would be for Lauren and for her to be happy. Her being happy would hopefully be with me, but if not, I at least want to know she’s happy.

From what I’ve heard from the receptionist at the studio, she’s not happy, quite the opposite actually. Holly told me she’s miserable. Yeah that really boosted my ‘happy’ mood.

“Daddy, we’re back!” Mackenzie yells, running through the door into the kitchen.

“Hey baby girl.” I say smiling down at her as she grabs me for a hug.

“Can I go shopping one day with Lauren?” She asks.

I pretty sure my heart just stopped beating. I look over towards Trace with wide eyes.

“We saw Lauren at the deli today.” He says quietly, answering my unspoken question.

“Umm… I uh… Did she… What happened?” I stutter, trying to find words.

“Daddy, she says it wasn’t your fault and that it was no ones fault, but then I said that can’t be true so she said that it was both of your faults and I asked her if I could go shopping with her because she has awesome fashion sense and she was a model so she knows about those things and she said that was up to you so that’s why I’m asking. Can you call her and tell it’s ok so I can go. Please daddy… I really want to go shopping with her. I want to be her friend. Please daddy.” She spits out in record time.

I shake my head trying to let it all register.

My daughter wants to go shopping with Lauren and Lauren wants to take her.

That’s not at all weird…

“I’m confused. Did Lauren really want to take you?” I ask, looking back and forth between Trace and Kenzie.

She nods quickly, “Yeah, she said she’d love to spend time with me, but that was up to you not her… Please let me daddy I really want to spend time with a girl again.”

“Umm… Kenz I’m going to have to think about this ok? Why don’t you go eat in the dining room… We’ll be right there.”

She sighs, “Your not going to let me are you?” She asks, shaking her head, stomping off to the dining room.

I turn back towards Trace, “What the hell just happened?”

“We were ordering the sandwiches when Mac saw L and her friend Olivia eating. I told her not to bother her, but when L went to throw her trash away Mac went over to say hi to her. I don’t know what they talked about, but I know that Mac is upset she doesn’t have any females around. She asked L to take her shopping which made L extremely upset that she couldn’t. She told her that was up to you and Mac walked out really upset… Lauren cried… We hugged and I left. That’s all.”

“So Lauren wanted to take her shopping?” I ask, still a little confused.

“She was upset she couldn’t say yes to her. I don’t know if it’s because she felt bad for Mac or if she really wanted to. My guess is a little of both.” Trace says, shrugging.

“This is insane.” I say shaking my head.

“I know. I told her not to bring it up.” Trace says sighing.

“No, it’s ok.”

“She told me you said things you shouldn’t have and she kept a secret from you.” Mackenzie says from the doorway.

I turn to look at her.

“What did you say to her?” She asks with watery eyes. “What did you say to make her go away?”

My heart sank. I not only fucked my life up… I’ve gone and fucked her up too. I’m not doing so well with this whole father business.

“Baby, people say things when they get mad. Things they don’t mean. What I said doesn’t matter, it’s the fact I said them and I hurt her in the process.” I explain, crouching down to her level.

“But she kept a secret from you. Doesn’t that make you even?” She asks, with hopeful wide eyes.

“I don’t know what secret she kept from me so I can’t really te…”

“I know.” She says, interrupting me.

“You do?” I ask, with a raised eyebrow.

“mmhmm. She told me.” she says grinning. “She told me that she…”

“If it’s a secret you shouldn’t tell me.” I reluctantly say. I would give my right arm to know, but I know that’s not the right thing to do.

“But it could change everything.” She says whining.

“It’s still not your secret to tell Mackenzie.” I say, sighing.

“It’s not even really a secret… I wouldn’t consider it a secret… It’s something you should know and I think I should be able to tell you.” She says, acting a little too much older than she really is.

“Mackenzie, if she called it a secret, then she wants it to be a secret.”

“It was because of a lack of a better word…”

I laugh, “How old are you again?”

“Daddy, she loves you and you love her. Why can’t you two talk and be together again?”

“We tried talking. Honey believe me I tried talk… Wait what did you just say?”

“I said she loves you and you love her.” She says again.

“She what?” I ask in disbelief.

“She told me she did. That’s what she never told you.” She explains.

“This can’t be happening right now.” I say, standing back up, pacing the room.

“Daddy, call her please. At least call her and tell her you love her. Maybe she’ll finally tell you and this will all be over and I can go shopping with her.”

“It’s not that easy Mac. I know you want your Dad and Lauren to be together, but it’s a little more complicated than that.” Trace interjects, trying to help me out a little.

“How do you know? It’s worth a shot right? Please daddy.” She begs again.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore… I’ll let you go shopping with her, but your calling her… her number’s in my phone.” I say, pointing towards the phone on the counter.

She skips over to it, smiling as she scrolls through the names in my phone. She finally puts the phone up to her ear.

“Hi Lauren, it’s me.” She says, smiling from ear to ear.

“Yes he’s right here. He knows I’m calling you… Yeah… I asked him if I could go shopping with you and he said it’s ok if you really are ok with it… Really? YES! Thank you, Thank you , Thank you! Ok… Umm hold on.”

“She wants to know if she should come here or if Trace can drop me off at her house.” She says, placing the phone against her shirt.

“Either one is fine.” I say.

“I have to meet someone in 20 minutes.” Trace says, breaking those plans.

She lifts the phone back up to her ear, “I guess it would be better for you to come here… OK I’ll be ready. Thank you. Bye, Bye.” She says hanging up, before I can protest.

“She’s coming here?” Trace and I ask at the same time.

She nods, skipping off up to her room to change.

“Do you want me to stay?” Trace asks, looking a little worried.

I shake my head, “No… No I can handle this.” I say, trying to convince myself that I really can.

Trace grabbed his sandwich and took off to meet whoever he was meeting. Mackenzie got changed and ran down the stairs with a huge grin on her face. She’s so happy. She opened the door and sat down on the front steps.

“What are you doing?” I ask, sitting down next to her.

“I’m waiting for Lauren. Duh.” She says laughing.

“Why are you waiting out here?” I ask.

“Because I’m excited and I can see her coming down the road from here.” She says, grinning at me.

“Do you want me to wait with you?” I ask, hoping she’d say yes.

“You don’t have to.” She says staring down the road in search of Lauren’s car.

“Do you want some money?” I ask, a little shocked she hadn’t asked.

“Really?” She says with wide eyes.

“What do you mean really… You’re going shopping, don’t you need money?” I ask, chuckling.

“Thank you!” She says giving me a hug.

I grab my wallet as Lauren drives up the driveway. Kenzie sets off running towards her, jumping on her when she steps out of the car. I stand up and start walking down towards them.

“Hey Kenz, you forgot your money.”

“She doesn’t need money, I can take care of it.” Lauren says smiling down at Mackenzie.

“No.” I say a little shocked she would even say that.

She laughs a little, “I can afford it Justin, don’t worry about it… Come on sweetie, hop in.”

“Kenzie.” I say sternly. She stops and runs back over to me.

She wraps her arms around my waist, “Love you Daddy.”

“I love you too baby, have fun.” She runs off and jumps in the car, slamming the door shut.

“Lauren, please take the money.” I say as she starts to open her door.

“Look… I want to do this. It’s the least I can do for her right now. She doesn’t understand what happened and she’s hurt… Let me do this for her, just this once. Please.” She says, biting her lower lip.

“Ok.”

“Thank you… You look good… How are you?” She asks nervously.

“I’m ok… Bruises are fading faster than I’d like them to.”

“Have you talked to Ryan?” She asks, nervously again.

“No… Why wouldn’t you know that?” I ask, wondering why she couldn’t ask him that.

“Ryan wont talk to me right now… He’s angry at himself for what he did to you.”

“I deserved it.”

“No one deserves that.”

“I hurt you Lauren. The pain I went through wasn’t even close to making us equal. I deserve worse.”

“I should go.” She says, turning back towards the car.

“I meant what I said that day.” I blurt out, making her freeze in place.

“I love you Lauren. I’ll always love you… I’m sorry for everything.”

She stands there for another second before she opens the car door and getting in. I watch her back out of the driveway and down the road before I let the tears fall down my face.

I need to learn to shut my mouth.

************************************************************************

“Daddy we’re back!” Mackenzie yells from the front door.

I walk down the stairs, a little shocked to see Lauren standing there with her.

“He baby girl… You have fun?” I ask as she hugs me around my waist.

“Yeah! You wanna see what I got?” She asks all but jumping up and down with excitement.

“You know I do.” I say, grinning down at her.

“Why don’t you model it for him.” Lauren suggests, handing her one of the many bags.

“Good idea… You guys go sit in the living room and I’ll model them for you.”

“Alright, we get front row seats at a fashion show. I like it.” I say laughing.

Mackenzie takes off running to the bathroom with a bunch of bags, slamming the door behind her.

“We should go sit before she comes out.” Lauren says, smiling at me.

I nod, moving to the side to let her go by me into the living room. We decide to move the coffee table off to the side so she has room to walk the catwalk. We both sat down on the couch just as she rounded the corner with her first outfit.

She walked down the room in front of us, doing a few turns along the way before walking back to the bathroom to change. Lauren and I made comments, and we clapped and laughed while she did her thing.

This went on for a good hour. I can’t believe how much clothes she got. She can’t possible wear all that before she outgrows them.

“Wow you guys went all out didn’t you?” I ask laughing at the two of them. “I have to owe you money now.”

Lauren and Mackenzie laugh, “I told you he’d say that… Actually I got a bunch of it for free. I used my store credits for her. The stores give me free clothes all the time and I don’t need anything right now, so I got some for her instead.”

“You said thank you right?” I ask Mackenzie.

“Of course I did.” She defends herself.

I look at Lauren for verification.

“She did… More than once for each outfit actually.” She says laughing.

“Good… Why don’t you take the bags up to your room.”

“Ok… Thank you again Lauren… I had so much fun.” She says, hugging her.

“I had fun too… We’ll have to do it again sometime… Maybe we can go shoe shopping next time.”

“YES!” Mackenzie yells, grabbing a bunch of bags and running up the stairs.

“Thank you Lauren. I really appreciate it.” I say, smiling at her.

“I had fun. You were right, she is amazing. You got lucky with her.”

“I did didn’t I?”

She nods, smiling at me.

I can’t help but stare at her. I haven’t seen her face in a couple of weeks and I’m finally really getting to look at it. I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed her. My body aches for her My heart aches for her.

“What?” She asks, her smile fading.

“I miss your smile.” I admit.

“I miss smiling.” She says seriously.

“I’m sorry Lauren… For everything. I know it’s not good enough, but I’m sorry.” I say, taking her hand in mine.

She glares down and just stares at our hands intertwined together.

“I love you Lauren and I want you to be happy. If you being happy means us not being together, than that’s what I want… As much as it hurts, I just want you to be happy. Tell me what would make you happy again.”

Never taking her eyes off our hands, she sighs. “I don’t know anymore.” She whispers.

“I should go… Tell Mackenzie I said bye for me, please.” She says, pulling her hand away and standing up.

“Yeah.” I whisper, watching her walk out of the house.

Have you ever thought you had things figured out in your head, but when you were put into the actually situation you realized maybe you were wrong?

That’s kind of how I feel right now.

This afternoon, when Justin told me he loved me again, I didn’t know what to do, so I did what I had to and stepped away from the situation. The whole time I was shopping, it was all I could think about. I kept thinking, why aren’t we together? I mean we both love each other and it’s not like he didn’t apologize for what he said. What’s holding us back?

I had an amazing time with Mackenzie and I couldn’t help thinking that I may not get this chance to hang out with her again. I walked away from her father and he may not want me to spend time with her again.

It was then I realized that maybe I should give him another chance. I want to be a part of her life and being a part of Justin’s life wouldn’t be so bad either. I know it would make me happy again.

Then we got back to his house and we actually got along. It was just like old times, laughing and smiling, just having a good time together. My heart felt normal again, like all the pieces had been put back together. Watching Mackenzie strut her stuff through the living room like she was a supermodel… it was incredible.

I don’t know what happened after that. I mean, I remember him telling me he wants me to be happy and everything, but I just don’t understand my brains reaction to it all. I thought this afternoon I had agreed with myself that I would give it another try, but then he asked me what would make me happy again and I say, I don’t know anymore…

I guess I was right, I’m not exactly sure what does make me happy anymore, because I haven’t been happy in a while. Maybe I’m just scared. I mean I have been in some shitty relationships. I guess that’s my brain’s way of telling me, don’t bother, you’ll just get hurt again.

My heart doesn’t think that’s the case though.

Through the years I’ve realized I’ve always gone with my brain on things… well my brain and the crazy little hole between my legs that just happened to flood at the sight of those crazy bastards that fucked with my heart.

Maybe this time I should follow my heart.

************************************************************************

I fucked up again didn’t I?

I really have to learn when to just roll with things and leave things alone.

We were doing great. Laughing, smiling, talking civilly to each other. Then I have to go and bring up the crazy shit surrounding our falling relationship and she’s out the door.

She hasn’t gone far. She’s still sitting in her car in the driveway. She’s turned the engine on and off at least 5 times in the last 20 minutes. I can’t figure out if it’s a good or bad thing yet.

“Where’d Lauren go, Daddy?” Mackenzie asks, making me jump a little.

I turn towards her, blocking her view of the driveway with my body.

“She… uh… She said she needed to go home. She said to say good-bye to you.” I say, smiling.

“What did you say to her?” She asks, crossing her arms across her chest.

I’m about to be lectured by a 6 year old aren’t I?

“Daddy?” She says in a warning tone. “I spent all day with her having fun and you ruin it all? What did you say?”

“Why do you automatically think it was my fault?” I ask, a little insulted

“She left without saying good-bye to me herself… You must have upset her.”

“She could have been in a rush.” I counter.

“Bologna.” She says, throwing me that glare that I thought only teenagers knew how to use… The evil, I’m angry with you stare.

“I took your advice and it backfired.” I say, regretting it the second it came out of my mouth. The last thing I want is for her to think it’s her fault.

“What do you mean?” She asks in a worried tone.

“He didn’t mean anything…” I hear from beside us. We both turn to see Lauren standing there.

“You see the thing about your dad is he tends to say things he doesn’t mean… it’s something he needs to work on.” She says, talking to Mackenzie, but staring straight at me.

“I knew you wouldn’t leave without saying bye to me.” Mackenzie says, smiling.

She drops her gaze from me to look at Mackenzie, “I had fun today and I would love to do it again, but right now do you think I could talk to your dad alone?”

Mackenzie nodded, running towards her to hug her at her waist.

“I’ll be upstairs trying on all my new clothes again.” She says, running up the stairs two steps at a time.

The both of us stood there staring at each other for a few minutes before I cleared my throat and asked her if she wanted to go sit outside and talk. She agreed and I led the way to the back yard. I took a seat in one of the lawn chairs beside the pool, she took the seat next to me.

We sat in silence for a minute before she spoke.

“Please don’t make me regret this.” She whispers, keeping her gaze on the pool.

I turn towards her, a little shocked.

“What does that mean?” I ask.

“You said you wanted me to be happy and you said if I was happy you’d be happy… I uh… I thought about it and I realized I can’t do this. This isn’t making me happy, Justin.”

What ever was left of my heart has just been blown to bits. I know I said I’d be happy if she was, but this hurts like hell. Don’t make me out to be a liar, I do want her to be happy, but it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m going to be happy too.

“Is this what you really want?” I ask, hoping that she’s changed her mind in the last 30 seconds.

“It’s not about what I want, it’s about what I need… I need to be happy. I can’t stand living the way I have been lately.”

“So what do I tell Kenzie? That she can’t see you anymore?” I ask.

“That wouldn’t work.” she says, turning herself in the chair to face me.

I do the same so we’re facing each other, our knees slightly touching.

“Why wouldn’t it?”

“Do you really think that little girl is going to let you keep her from me?” She asks, grabbing my hands, intertwining our fingers together.

“You’re probably right… but I have to tell you that’s just going to make this whole thing harder.” I admit, squeezing her hands with mine.

“Why? I thought the two of you came as a packaged deal.” She says, nibbling on her bottom lip.

I raise an eyebrow at her and shake my head, “I’m confused… I thought you didn’t want to be with me… I thought you just… what the hell did I just miss?”

She laughs, “You took what I said the wrong way.”

“Which one? The fact that I’m not making you happy or that me and Kenzie come as a packaged deal?” I ask, still extremely confused.

“I never said you didn’t make me happy. I said this doesn’t make me happy.”

“And one would think this meant us… together.”

“One would be wrong to think that… Justin I meant us not being together, us fighting and not talking… That’s not making me happy.”

“So does that mean you do want to try… us again?” I ask, clarifying for my own sanity.

“Would you like me to draw you a picture… or would you rather I just kissed you?”

“You could always draw me the picture later, I guess.” I say, smiling.

She laughs, leaning forward, running her hand over my cheek before pressing her lips to mine for the first time in 19 days, too many hours, a shit load of minutes and an outrageous amount of seconds.

My hands automatically go to her face, cupping both sides in my palms. I slide one to the back of her head, gripping a fist full of hair, pulling her closer to me. She smiles against my lips, slowly opening her mouth to grant my tongue some long awaited access to hers.

The way we are leaning across these chairs is starting to cramp my back, so I slowly slide out of the chair and onto my knees between her thighs. I drop one hand down to her waist, pulling her closer to me. She wraps her legs around my waist, trying to pull me in closer to her.

I pull back to get some air, but immediately turn her head slightly to attach my lips to her neck, my hand massaging the back of her head.

“I love you Lauren.” I whisper, kissing my way up her neck to her ear.

“I love you too.”

I pull away to look at her, my hands cupping the sides of her face.

“I can’t tell you how glad I am to hear you say that.” I say, grinning.

“It’s not like it was a secret or anything…” She says, laughing.

I laugh, “So I guess you found out she’s not so good with secrets?”

“I knew she wouldn’t keep that a secret whether she could keep them or not.”

“Then why’d you tell her?”

She shrugs, “She asked.”

I laugh, “So if she asks you what your favorite position during sex is, you’d tell her?”

She laughs, “Well, she has to learn at some point.”

My smile fades and my eyes grow wide, “My daughter is not having sex.”

“Oh, I’m sure she will eventually… hopefully not for at least another 10 years or so.”

“10 Years! How about 20 or 30?”

She laughs, “Is that how old you were?”

I narrow my eyes are her, “That’s different.”

“How?” she asks, laughing again.

“And don’t say because you’re a guy… that in no way makes it different.” she says knowing that’s exactly what I was going to say.

“She’s my daughter and I say when she can have sex and it’s not happening anytime in the next decade that’s for damn sure.”

“Did you tell your parents about having sex before you actually did it or did you just do it?” She asks, laughing again.

“I can’t believe I’m talking about my daughter having sex and she’s only 6. This is just wrong.”

“Have you had the talk about it with her?” she asks, and I’m almost positive I’m going to be sick.

“No and I’m no going to anytime soon either.”

“You probably should… They always say it’s better to start early.”

“I can’t talk about… that with her. I can’t do it. I’d be way too nervous… I’ll leave that for you to do…” I suggest.

“You want me to?” She asks, laughing.

“You’re a girl, it would be easier for you.”

She laughs again, “You’re right it would.”

“You’ll do it?” I ask, a little shocked.

“That depends.”

“On what?”

“On whether or not you feel I’m mother material.”

I sigh, “Lauren, I never meant that. I had nor do I have any reason to believe you wouldn’t make an amazing mom… I’m sorry I said it and there isn’t a part of me that thinks that.”

“I don’t have many role models to go by… My dad died when I was only 19 and my mom was never really around. I honestly don’t know the first thing about parenting.”

“You seemed to know a lot about sexual education a few minutes ago… Baby parenting is something I didn’t think I’d be good at, but I’m doing alright so far… I hope.” I say, laughing.

She laughs with me, “I think you’re doing an amazing job with her.”

“It’s been hard.” I admit.

“I’m sure it has, but I’m sure it’s just one of those things that when you have a child, the parenting part comes naturally with it.”

“Think you can help me out with my crazy little girl?”

“I can certainly try.”

“That’s all I ask.” I say, smiling.

“So… What is your favorite position little lady?” I ask, wiggling my eyebrows at her.

She laughs, “You forget already?”

“Well, I know what positions make you scream, but I’m not sure I actually know your favorite.”

“I’ve never screamed during sex.” She says, shaking her head.

“I could change that for you.” I say, squeezing her ass, making her screech.

“Hmmm I’m sure you could, but I don’t see the point in screaming… It’s bad for your throat… I know it felt good, you know it felt good. What’s the point in the neighbors knowing it felt good?”

“It’ll boost my ego.” I say, laughing.

“Yeah, because that really needs a boost.”

“Hey now, be nice.”

“It’s the truth.” She defends, laughing.

“I missed this.”

“What? Talking about sex?” She asks laughing.

“No see, I miss having sex with you… But I meant I missed just being with you.”

“I missed this too.”

“So are you going to answer the question or am I going to have to just guess?” I ask, grinning.

“Any position with you is my favorite.” She says, grinning at me.

“Good answer, Ms. Decker, good answer.”

“Now… Let’s go have that talk with your daughter.”

“I’m not talking to my daughter about sex.”

She laughs, “Fine then can we at least tell her about us?”

“That I can handle… As long as she doesn’t ask about how we met, then it’s all you.”

She laughs, “I think I would leave that part out, babe.”

“See, I knew there was a reason I wanted you around.”

“It wasn’t at all because your in love with me right?”

“Hmmm, well I guess that could be it.” I say, pressing my lips to hers. “I love you Lauren.”

“And I love you, Justin.” she says, kissing me again.

I could definitely get used to this…

I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am right now.

We just got done telling Mackenzie that we are officially back together. She jumped off the bed and started jumping up and down screaming and clapping. I’m guessing she was happy, I could be wrong, but my gut is telling me she’s excited.

Justin keeps looking at me funny. I can’t quite figure out what he wants. It’s not a goofy grin, like I’m excited we’re back together. It’s not his sexy face, like he wants to fuck me. It’s not anything I’ve seen before. I can’t figure it out. This might just drive me insane. I hate it when I can’t figure something out. My brain dwells on it until I’ve figured it out.

“I think I’m going to go make dinner… Why don’t you two… talk.” He says, throwing me a wink.

Oh, boy… I figured out the face. He wants me to have the sex talk with her.

This should be interesting.

“Ok daddy… Can you cut up a banana. My bananas not yours… and put it with some of those almonds I picked out.”

“Ok so, what’s the difference between regular bananas and organic bananas?” He asks, looking genuinely confused.

“Duh, the Organic one is better for me.” she says, in a know-it-all voice.

“They are the same damn thing only yours costs 2 dollars more a pound than mine do and they come in a fancy plastic bag.” He says, shaking his head.

“They don’t cost that much more and they don’t have all the chemicals on them like yours do.” She defends.

“I’m willing to bet you couldn’t tell the difference between them if I switched them.” he says, getting that mischievous look on his face.

“Daddy, you wouldn’t do that to me… right?” She says, getting nervous.

“I don’t know… Maybe.” he says, laughing as he walks out of the room.

“He wouldn’t right?” She asks me with wide eyes.

I laugh, “I don’t know sweetie.”

“So daddy says we should talk… Does that mean we can talk about shoes?” She asks, wide eyed.

“Not quite…”

Ok so how do you bring this up to a six year old? So ever seen a dick? I mean seriously, how do I start this?

“Um… Do you… Did your mom ever… talk about… s-s-sex with you?” I jumble out nervously.

“Sex?” She asks with a disgusted face.

Well I guess that’s a good sign right?

“Yeah… Do you know anything about it?”

“Not really. I know that’s how daddy and mom made me, but that’s it.” She says and I’m a little taken aback by it. I guess I never really thought of Justin sleeping with another woman. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not delusional. I know he’s slept with other woman I just haven’t really thought about it. Until now…

“Yeah, well I uh… I guess I just wanted to talk to you about it.”

“Ok…” She says, sighing, staring at me wide eyed.

I take a deep breath, “Ok, well uh… Sex… errr love making…” I can’t figure out the best way to describe this…

“What’s the difference?” She asks.

Oh shit…

“The difference?” I play dumb.

“Between sex and love making.”

I’m not cut out for this…

“Well… Making love is more of an emotional… thing. Sex… Well sex is more of a physical… thing.”

“What?”

“When two people love each other… they sometimes want to show each other how much they love each other. This normally happens when a person is older. Nothing you have to worry about at your age… or in the near future.”

“What happens?”

Wow… really? I don’t think I can do this…

“Umm… well do you know anything about the male… body?”

“I know they have a penis and we have vaginas.”

“Right… Well… again when two people love each other they show each other by sometimes… making love. That… well that means that… the man. He uh… he puts his… penis in the woman’s vagina.”

“He just puts it in? that’s it?”

Holy shit I have to get graphic with the kid? I refuse to draw pictures.

“Well no… He then moves in and out… of the vagina.”

“Why? That’s stupid.”

“It does sound that way huh? Well normally when people make love they do it to make babies.”

Ok so that was a lie… I’m trying to get her to not have sex right?

“What about sex?”

Well shit… This little girl is just full of questions.

“Well sex is more for the… pleasure.”

“So it feels good when a boy puts his penis in you?”

I’m blushing… I’m pretty positive I’m blushing.

“Sometimes, yes.” not a total lie. Some guys don’t know the first thing about what they are doing and it doesn’t feel good.

“So if you just want to feel good you have sex, but if you want a baby you make love?”

“No!” I respond rather quickly.

“No god… ummm… Sex is kind of the same thing. You can still make babies when you have sex, it’s just not on that emotional level that love making is on.”

Oh hell, what do I know? I shouldn’t be talking about this. I’m just making this shit up as I go… I hope I’m making some sort of sense. Maybe I’ll just confuse the hell out of her so she wont want to do it. Nah, that would back fire and she’d get curious.

“Like I said, this is for grown-ups. You shouldn’t even have to think about this until your at least 18.” That’s a good age right?

“Then why are we talking about it now?”

I haven’t the slightest idea…

“Well, I guess it’s because not all people think they should wait until they are old enough to figure all of this out on their own. Some people do start early, but that’s kind of why I wanted to talk to you about it. I don’t want you to start early and get pregnant before you graduate from high school. I just want you to know if you have any questions about any of this or anything that has to do with this, you can talk to me about it.”

“How old where you?”

Wow, didn’t see that one coming… Ok so honesty is the best policy right?

“Well, see… I was uh… I was 16... It’s one of those things that I wasn’t mature enough to realize I was doing the wrong thing. I regret it to this day. I know I should have waited, but I didn’t and it’s something I’ll always regret. Life shouldn’t be filled with regrets and I’ll always have that one with me. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did… or your father.”

“How old was he?”

I scrunch up my face in thought, “I… I have no idea, actually. I’ve never asked.”

“Hmmm…So how many people have you had sex with.”

I’m pretty sure my eyes just bugged out of my head.

“Wow… uh… ummm wow… That’s a little too personal.”

“I thought I could ask you anything about this.”

“I did say something like that huh?”

Damn… now what… topic change.

“I think dinner should be ready… do you want to go check?”

She just stares at me.

“Do you and Daddy have sex or Make love? And how often?”

What the hell have I got myself into now? Holy shit.

“Dinner’s ready.” Justin all but yells, barging into the room.

I puff out a sigh of relief and turn towards Mackenzie, “We’ll uh… We’ll finish this another time ok?”

“Ok.” She says, skipping out of the room.

“Ok like in 20 years.” I mumble.

Justin laughs, “Well that went well.”

“I hate you.” I say, glaring at him.

He laughs again.

“This is not at all funny… Be ready for her to ask you all the questions she just asked me. I can’t wait to see how you respond to them. Oh and don’t worry I’ll be snickering behind the door listening to you.”

“You could hear me?”

“Yeah, Thanks babe.” I say, shaking my head.

“I saved you though.”

“I could have handled it.” I lie.

“Right… you could just keep saying… uh… well…”

I smack his arm, “Shut up. Seriously that was that hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. She wouldn’t stop asking the most horrid questions. I can’t believe she asked some of them… Oh by the way, how old were you?” I ask, laughing.

“Too young.”

“Well she’s going to ask, so you might want to come up with a better response than that.” I say, walking out of the room.

************************************************************************

“Dear god I hope this parenting thing gets easier.” I say, plopping down on the couch beside Lauren.

She laughs, “Is she sleeping?”

“Yes, finally. She wouldn’t stop asking questions. I broke out in a sweat!” I say, bug eyed.

She laughs again, “I tried to warn you.”

“Please tell me it gets easier now that we’ve gotten that part out of the way.”

“Sweetie I hate to be the one to break it to you, but parenting never gets easy… I think with each year it just gets a little more stressful. But hey, what do I know. I’m the one with no parents right?”

I run my hand up and down her thigh, “I’m sorry.”

“For what? My dad dying and my mom leaving has nothing to do with you.”

“I know, but I just can’t imagine what it’s like…”

“It’s really, really hard… especially lately. I’ve had absolutely no one to talk to. I’ll always have Livy, but sometimes a person just needs to talk to a parent and I don’t have that option.”

“What about Ryan?”

“He’s not talking to me remember?”

“It was my fault. I pushed him. I knew if I pissed him off he would break and he did. I didn’t mean for him to stop talking to you.”

“I know. I’m sure he’ll be royally pissed that I’m back here… with you. I’m sure he’ll be happy, but extremely pissed at the same time.”

“Do you uh… Do you want me to take you home or… or do you want… to stay?” I ask, hesitantly.

She turns towards me and smiles, “If I stay we aren’t having sex.”

I scoff, “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“mmm I’m sure you wouldn’t… seriously though, I want to take this.” she motions between the two of us, “Slow… a lot slower than we did the last time.”

“That’s probably best.”

“Yeah, and it’s probably best I go home.”

“Why’s that?”

“I’m not so sure we know how to keep things… slow.” She says laughing.

“I give you my word, I wont touch you unless you want me to.”

“That’s the problem.” She says, leaning in to kiss me.

I pull away, very… very reluctantly, “Why don’t we watch a movie.”

She nods, “Ok… Do you have the Thomas Crown Affair? I was watching it on TV the other night, but it cuts out the best parts and I’ve been wanting to see it ever since.”

“Yeah, I think Trace got it to see Rene’s tits.” I say laughing.

“I should have known.” She says, laughing.

I popped the movie in and sat back down, pulling Lauren against me. She laid her head on my shoulder, eventually falling asleep and landing in my lap. I slowly lift her head up enough for me to sneak out from under her, laying her back down gently. I grab my phone and walk out to the back yard.

“What the fuck do you want?”

“Hi to you too Ryan.” I say shaking my head.

This is going to be harder than I thought.

“What the fuck do you want?” he repeats with a little more venom than the last time.

“I want you to talk to your sister.”

“What makes you think I’m not. She’s actually sitting here with me now and you interrupted us.”

“Huh, that’s funny because I could have sworn she was a sleep on my couch.”

He was silent for a minute before he exploded, “Wait she’s WHAT?”

“She’s asleep on my couch.” I repeat, taking a seat in one of the lawn chairs.

“Why the fuck is she there? What did you do to her now?” he yells.

“I didn’t do anything. Your sister, the woman you refuse to talk to, took my daughter shopping today. She came back, we talked and we’re taking things slow, but we’re together again.”

“Why the hell would she take your daughter shopping? How the hell did that even happen?”

“That doesn’t matter, what matters is that you abandoned her when she needed you. Why? Why would you do that to her?”

“That’s none of your goddamn business.” He barks.

“Yes it is my business. She’s your fucking sister Ryan. You’re all she has left for family and you abandoned her when she was coping with my stupidity. I don’t understand the logic behind that?”

He sighs, “I fucked up and I knew she was angry with me.”

“So you decided to stop talking to her? That’s the dumbest, shittiest thing I’ve ever heard… Ryan what happened was my fault. I know that and she knows that… I wanted you to hit me and I made it happen. Again, I know that and she knows that. You did what any good brother would do, you stood up for your sister. She’s not angry with you. She’s upset you wont talk to her more than anything.”

“I shouldn’t have hit you.” he says quietly.

“I’m glad you did, Ryan. I deserved it.”

“No you didn’t.”

“Ryan, I hurt your sister. I’m sorry, but I deserved a lot more than just a few bruises and a busted cheek.”

“Fuck, man I’m sorry. I don’t know what got into me. It was like I was someone else.”

“I pushed your buttons Ryan. I knew what would happen and I made it happen… Look I know you love your sister, but I think you need to show her that you do.”

“Why don’t I stop by in the morning and surprise her. That way if she really is upset with me, she’ll at least be able to be there with you.”

“Why don’t you bring breakfast… Say 8?” I suggest.

“I’ll be there.”

“Hey, there you are.”

I look up to see Lauren walking out towards me. I toss the phone on the chair next to me, patting my lap for her to sit.

“Important business?” She asks, straddling my lap.

“Very.” I say, locking my arms around her waist, leaning in to kiss her.

I woke up to quite a surprise this morning.

Justin sent Mackenzie in to wake me up and she thought it would be cute to jump up and down on the bed beside me, yelling ‘get up, get up’… All things I could have done without at 7:30 in the morning.

“Daddy said to stop at nothing until you’re awake, so wake up sleepy head.” She says, shaking me violently.

“I didn’t mean shake her to death.” Justin says from the doorway.

Mackenzie stops, hopping down off the bed, quickly skipping out of the room. Justin walks over to me, sitting down on the side of the bed, brushing the hair off my face.

“Good Morning.” he says, smiling down at me.

“It was until I was jumped on and violently shaken.” I say, laughing.

“I’m sorry, I thought she’d just come in and tap you nicely. I was very, very wrong.”

I laugh, sitting up to stretch. He leans in to kiss me and I realize just how much I missed this. It has been way too long since I’ve woken up with him. I missed every little detail of him. The way his lips feel against mine; the way he gently cups my face when he kisses me; the way he looks at me right before he’ll kiss me; the way he makes my heart flutter with just a smile. He just incredible and I know he has his faults. You know the whole speaking before he thinks thing, but if that’s his only fault. I’ll take it.

Yeah, I’ll definitely take it.

He pulls away smiling, his gorgeous smile, “You need to get ready, I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise?” I ask, grinning.

He nods, leaning forward to kiss me again, “Get up and take a shower. Meet me downstairs when your done.”

“Alright, but I need some clothes… Do you mind grabbing the bag out of my car.”

He grins, “I knew you couldn’t go shopping without buying yourself something.”

I laugh, “I bought a couple pairs of jeans and a couple tanks, nothing crazy.”

“And I’m going to assume not one of them were William Rast.”

I laugh, “Sorry baby.” I say, sliding out of the bed, walking into the bathroom to shower.

I showered, dried my hair and walked back into the bedroom to find my bag, a pair of jeans and a t-shirt laying out. I laugh, shaking my head when I grab the note.

I shake my head, tossing the note on the side table. I grab his jeans and slide them on. I have a real problem with wearing dirty underwear after I shower, it defeats the whole purpose so I guess I’m going sans underwear today. This should be interesting with jeans, certainly not the most comfortable choice, but what am I going to do?

These jeans are amazing though. He and Trace didn’t do too bad. I may have to buy a few more pairs of these. They are amazing for my ass and aside from the no underwear situation, they are one of the most comfortable pair of jeans I’ve ever worn. The t-shirt is not happening though. It’s hotter than hell and I already have jeans on.

Tank it is.

I drop the towel and grab the tank as the door opens. I look up to see Justin freeze, wide eyed in the doorway.

I laugh, “You may want to shut the door.”

He steps forward, kicking the door shut, never looking away from me.

I slide the tank over my head, straightening it down my torso. When I look back up he’s standing right in front of me.

“Whoa…” I say, laughing.

“They look good on you.”

“I thought so too… Thank you.” I say, leaning up to kiss him. I wrap my arms around his neck as he grabs a handful of my hair pulling me closer to him.

He groans, pulling away, “This slow deal is going to suck.”

I nod, “I know, but we at least have to give it 24 hours before we start going at the speed of light again.”

“It’s been way too long already though.” He all but moans against my mouth, before devouring my mouth.

“Justin this didn’t work out so well the first time around.” I say, pulling away, but he pulls me right back in.

“We had problems because of my big mouth… Sex was never the problem, I promise I wont be doing a whole lot of talking.”

“Daddy we’re ready.” Mackenzie says, barging into the room.

Justin groans, “Do you ever knock little one?” he says, dropping his hands from my face.

“Sorry Daddy. Do you want me to leave and knock?”

I turn my head to laugh.

“You already passed that step honey, just remember to knock next time ok?” He says, shaking his head at her.

“Ok… But everything is ready.”

“Thank you, we’ll be down in a minute.”

“K.” she says, walking back down the hallway.

He turns back towards me and smiles, “I love you… Just remember that when you walk downstairs ok?”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Is this not a good surprise?”

“No it’s a good surprise, it just may… I don’t know just know that I did this because I love you ok?”

“Ok…” I say, getting a little nervous.

We walk downstairs together, so far so good. Justin walks into the kitchen and I follow behind him. He moves around the island and I’m pretty sure my heart stopped.

Ryan?

“Oh my god…” I whisper, my hand jumping up to cover my mouth.

Justin and Mackenzie grab the bags of food and walk into the dining room leaving the two of us alone.

I can’t tell if he’s afraid to say anything or pissed off that I’m here.

“What are you doing here Ryan?”

“I came to see you.” he answers, quietly.

“Why? You haven’t wanted to see me for over a week… Why now?”

“Someone made me realize how stupid and selfish I was being… I’m sorry Lauren. I shouldn’t have walked away from you. I just thought you were angry with me, I thought you were disgusted with the way I acted. I don‘t know what happened, but that was not me. You of all people should know that.”

“I do, that’s why I wasn’t mad at you… I needed you Ryan more than I have in a really long time and you just left me. I had no one.” I choke out, swallowing the lump in my throat.

“I know… God I’m sorry Laur…” He says, walking around the island, grabbing me into a tight hug.

“I promise, I’ll never leave you again. I’m so sorry Grace…”

I break down against him. Grace is my middle name and my father used to always call me Grace. No one but my father would call me that and that’s how it always has been. Ryan does it every now and again when I get mad at him. He knows it works every time, this time not being any different.

“Are they ok daddy?” Mackenzie whispers to Justin.

“Yeah.” He whispers back.

We both stood there crying for a few minutes before I broke away, wiping my face with my hands. Justin slides a box of tissues across the counter towards us, turning quickly, walking into the dining room like it wasn’t him that just did it. We both laughed at him, wiping our faces.

“I love you Lauren Grace.” Ryan says, wiping my face with a tissue.

“I love you Ryan Jeffrey.” I say, hugging him again.

“Let’s go eat, I’m starving.” He says, grabbing my hand, leading me into the dining room.

************************************************************************

“Now I’m speechless, over the edge and just breathless, I never thought that I’d catch this love bug again. Hopeless head over heels in the moment. I never thought that I’d get hit with this love bug again…” Mackenzie sings at the top of her lungs.

“So I take it she didn’t get your music jeans?” I ask Justin as I walk into his bedroom.

“Why do you think that?” he asks, looking up at me curiously.

“Well, at the moment she is singing Love Bug by the Jonas Brothers… I’m not quite sure I’d call it singing though. It’s more like yelling, very badly.” I say, laughing.

“The Jonas Brother huh? So she’s not a fan of mine?”

“Those Jonas Brothers are quite cute… well at least that’s what the teenage population seems to think…”

“Yeah that used to be me you know.” He says looking at me hurt.

“Aww baby, you don’t want to be cute… You’re all grown up now… you’ve moved on to incredibly sexy and very handsome, gorgeous even… We can let the Jonas Brother keep the cute title ok?”

“You think I’m sexy huh?” He asks, pulling me down onto his lap.

I giggle, “Well you did bring sexy back.”

He groans, “I hate that fucking song… Everyone seems to think I actually meant sexy was gone and I brought it back… it’s a fucking song.” He grumbles out.

“Geez I hit a sore spot huh?” I say, poking him in his side.

“I’m sorry, it just drives me nuts that people actually think I brought sexy back… Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, but if sexy ever did leave, you’d be my first choice to help bring it back.”

“Is that right?” He asks, cracking a smile. I nod.

“See I can think of some better people that could bring sexy back. I don’t think I’d be the front runner for that.”

“Who would be then?”

“Women tend to go with George Clooney… He seems to be sexy for every women. Me? I’m only sexy to some women.”

“And the rest of those women are either completely blind or they’re lesbians and don’t swing your way.” I say, making him laugh.

“You good for my ego.” He says, laughing.

“Ooooh good because we all know how deflated your ego is.” I joke.

“Hey, I am the one that brought sexy back.” He says laughing.

“Oh sure you don’t get mad when you use it, but when I do I get cursed at.” I joke, playing hurt.

“Aww baby I’m sorry, did I hurt your feelings?” he asks, pushing me back against the bed, rolling over so he’s on top of me. He leans down to kiss me.

“Daddy can I have a snack before I go to bed?” Mackenzie asks, walking into the bedroom.

Justin quickly rolls off me, groaning.

“Knocking Mackenzie… How many times do I have to ask you to knock?”

“Oh whoops.” She says, walking out of the room shutting the door. A second later she knocks on the door.

I know I shouldn’t be laughing, but that’s funny. Justin smacks my arm and shakes his head at me. He slowly sits up, leaning back against the headboard.

“What do you want Mackenzie?” He asks.

She walks into the room, giggling, “Can I have a snack?”

“It’s 11 Mackenzie, you need to go to bed… And where did you get a Jonas Brothers CD?”

“Uncle Trace. He thought I’d like it. I do! It’s awesome! I think Nick is super cute.” She gushes.

Justin Groans again.

“Do you have any of your dad’s cds?” I ask.

“I don’t really like the same kind of music daddy likes.”

I laugh, “No, I meant do you have any of the cd’s your dad sings on?”

“Daddy has cds?”

Ok again, I know I shouldn’t laugh, but that’s just too funny. Justin smacks my arm again but that just makes me laugh harder.

“You know what I do for work.” He says, shaking his head.

“I didn’t know you had cds.” She says, wide eyed.

“He has a lot of cds actually.” I say, finally settling down.

“Really? Can I listen to them?” She asks, grinning from ear to ear.

“Tomorrow Kenz… It’s time for bed.”

She pouts, sighing, “Ok.” She says, walking over to give me a hug, then jumping on Justin to give him a hug.

“Good Night sweetie.” I say, watching her climb off the bed.

“Night, Love you.” She says strolling out of the room.

“Love you, Good Night.” Justin yells out to her.

“Night!” She yells back, slamming the door behind her.

I immediately start laughing again.

“What’s so funny?” He asks, climbing back on top of me.

“Your daughter is hilarious.” I say, still laughing.

“Oh yeah, she’s a riot. You need to stop egging her on with your laugh.” He says, leaning down to kiss my neck.

“I’m sorry, maybe you should teach me a lesson.”

His head snaps up and he looks down at me with a cocked eyebrow. I can’t help but laugh.

“I thought we were taking this slow…” He says, his grin growing wider by the second.

“We are. We’re taking it real slow.” I say, pulling his head down claiming his lips with mine.

“I like how you think, baby girl.” He says, sneaking his hand under my shirt, gliding it north until it hit just below my breast.

It’s close enough to 24 hours right?

I just got the best and worst phone call.

The good part? I got a modeling job and they want me to fly out to St. John. Yeah, as in St. John, U.S. Virgin Islands. Not only that, they want me to fly out this afternoon.

The bad part? I have to leave this afternoon and if my calculations are correct I’m pretty sure I haven’t been back with Justin for more than 48 hours and I just started talking to Ryan yesterday.

I haven’t had a modeling job in months and the fact I actually just got a call is amazing to me. I can’t turn this down, but the last thing I want to do is leave. I don’t know what to do. I don’t really need this job. The last couple of modeling gigs I had set me up pretty well for the next few years, but who knows when I’ll get another opportunity like this. This could be my last call, I mean it’s not like I’m getting any younger and models pretty much die out after 30 and well I’m getting pretty close.

The fact that the call was for Victoria’s Secret makes this whole thing worse. You see I was a model for Victoria’s Secret for the first five years of my career. They were absolutely amazing to me and I left them to do the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. They were happy for me at first, but after SI came out my name was everywhere and well, I thought I was better than Victoria’s Secret. I learned real fast, that wasn’t the case. I signed a deal with Fredrick’s of Hollywood which voided my deal with Victoria’s Secret. I only did one catalog for Fredrick’s before they moved on to newer, younger models. Younger models? Shit I was only 26! That was over a year ago and I’ve had jobs since, but nothing like the Victoria’s Secret.

I can’t believe they want me to come back. They want me for their Spring Preview. I get the first look at all their new bras and panties and shoes, oh god their shoes. I think I own every pair of shoes from the shoots I did back in the day.

“Earth to Lauren!” Justin says, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I shake my head and smile, “I’m sorry… What’s up?”

“Who was on the phone? You’ve been pretty quiet since you got off.” He says, taking a seat next to me on the couch.

I sigh, “My agent.”

“and?” he asks with a slight chuckle.

“I have to go to St. John this afternoon.” I spit out quite fast.

“St. John? Why?”

“I apparently got a photo shoot to be at.” I say, staring off into space.

“And this is a bad thing?” He asks, confused.

I sigh again, looking over at him, “I guess not, I just haven’t modeled in a few months and I guess I’m a little nervous. I mean I haven’t exactly been watching what I eat lately and I’m supposed to be in lingerie for the next couple of weeks. What if I get there and they think I’m too fat. How did I even get this job in the first place? I mean it’s not like they’ve seen me lately. What if I weighed 300lbs or something?”

He laughs, “Whoa, babe calm down. First of all there is absolutely nothing wrong with your body. And I mean nothing. Secondly you have nothing to worry about. This is what you do, once you get there it will all come back to you. This is an amazing opportunity. You need to stop worrying and go pack.”

“Pack? For what? I’ll be naked for the next couple of weeks, what do I need to pack for?” I ask, chuckling.

“Maybe I should come with you then.” he says, grinning.

“Mmm you’d enjoy that too much.” I say before leaning forward to kiss him.

“I’m serious though. This is a great opportunity and you have nothing to worry about.”

“You’re ok with me leaving then?”

“Well no, but if it means I get to see you in a magazine with just lingerie on. I might make an exception just this once.” He says, pulling me onto his lap.

“I can’t believe they’d even want me back.” I say, sighing against his chest.

“Why wouldn’t they. Your hot.”

I laugh, swatting his chest, “Cute. That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?” He asks, pulling my head back enough to look down at me.

“I left them. I thought I was better than I really was and left them. Why would they want someone like me back?”

“How many times do I have to say it. Your hot.” he jokes again.

I laugh, rolling my eyes at him. “I’m being serious.”

“So am I. You, my darling, are hot.”

“Justin, I’m serious. If you hired a model for your line and they left because they thought they were better than William Rast and failed. Would you ask them back?”

“If they were hot, yes.”

I laugh, “C’mon, try to be serious.”

“Baby, stop thinking like this. Your hot and just got an amazing job showing off your sexy ass. Things are not exactly horrible for you right now.”

“I didn’t say they were…” I sigh “I should go pack. Think you could drive me to the airport?”

“I think I can handle that. I’ll go make sure Trace can stay with Kenzie and I’ll meet at your house in a few minutes.”

“Ok. I don’t have to be there for a few hours so I’ll make us some lunch.”

“Or I could take you out to lunch.” he suggests.

“Or I could make lunch and we could have some… desert before I leave.” I say, whispering the last part in his ear.

He growls, pulling me in for a kiss.

“I’ll see you in a little bit.” I say breaking the kiss.

************************************************************************

“Victoria’s Secret? Hot damn! Does that mean I get to jack off to her in lingerie from now on?” Trace says, laughing on the other end of the phone.

“What the fuck man?“

“Vicoria’s Secret gets pretty sexy man.“

“Yeah, I guess that’s where she got her start. She modeled for them for almost 6 years.”

“No shit? I always thought her ass looked familiar.”

“Your sick man.”

“I‘m serious J, you better watch her. She‘s hot and if she‘s going to be naked in magazines she‘s going to be bringing more sexy back than you ever thought of bringing back.”

“You’re an idiot. She’s not posing for Playboy. It’s Victoria’s Secret.“

“Have you ever seen their catalog?”

“Yeah Trace, I sit at home with my six year old daughter and check out the Victoria’s Secret catalog.”

“You sang for their fashion show a few years back right?”

“You were there dumbass.” I say, shaking my head.

“Was she?”

“I don’t remember her.”

“Yeah, we probably would have remembered her. I mean it‘s not like there were other half naked women around or anything.”

“Can you watch Kenzie for a few hours or not?”

“If you get me the negatives from her photo shoot.”

“Fuck dude. Seriously? It’s a yes or no answer.”

“You know I will. I’ll be over in 10 minutes.”

“Make it 5 and I’ll see what I can do about those negatives.” I say before hanging up.

************************************************************************

“What do you mean your going to St. John. What the hell?” Ryan yells from outside my closet.

“I got a modeling job down there and I have to leave in a few hours. Justin is taking me to the airport and I would prefer you to not be here when he gets here.”

“And why the hell not?”

“Because I want to have sex with him and would rather not have you around to see it.” I say, tossing bikinis into my suitcase.

“Could have done without the details.” Ryan grunts out, plopping down on the bed beside my half empty suitcase.

“You asked.”

“Is this all your bringing with you?” He asks, rummaging through my clothes. I smack his hand away from my bikini top shaking my head.

“I’m going to be on the beach ninety-five percent of the time I’ll be there, it’s not like I need to bring my entire closet with me. Besides, I’m sure I’ll be wearing this the entire time anyways. I need a tan in the worst way.” I say tossing another bikini in the suitcase.

“So I was going to tell you yesterday, but you never came home, but I’m leaving for a couple of weeks, maybe longer too.” Ryan starts, nervously.

I stop packing to sit down on the other side of my suitcase to listen, “Where are you going?”

“Virginia.”

“Virginia?” I ask, chuckling, “Why Virginia?”

“Derek just signed a new artist and he wants me to write her a few songs for her first album. I’m going down to meet her next week, and I’ll be there until she’s finished her album which hopefully wont be too long, but you never know with new artists.”

“Derek wouldn’t sign a horrible singer so I doubt it will be that bad.”

“I hope not…” He sighs, nervously scratching the back of his neck, “Look Laur, I’m sorry about everything that’s happened in the last couple of weeks. I know I’ve been a horrible brother to you and I’m sorry. You’re all I have and I know I screwed up royally, but I don’t want to lose you. I can‘t.”

“You already apologized for everything? Why are you doing it again?”

“I didn’t want you to think I was doing it just because Justin called me and asked me to.”

“He asked you to?” I ask, a little shocked by his admission.

“Well, actually he told me I was being ridiculous and pretty much told me I should talk to you.”

“So you didn’t come on your own? It was all Justin?”

“No Lauren, No… C’mon Grace don’t do this…”

“You have no right to call me that. Daddy called me that and I don’t ever want to hear that name come out of your mouth again.” I all but yell.

“Lauren don’t. I’m apologizing on my own, right now. I know what I did was fucked up and I’m sorry it took Justin to make me realize it.”

“So in all honesty, you wouldn’t be talking to me right now if Justin hadn’t made you yesterday?”

“No - yes - I don’t know. Look Lauren I’m sorry. I…”

“Don’t.” I interrupt, “Don’t. Not right now. Maybe when you get back from Virginia you can try this whole apology thing again. And maybe this time you can do it on your own.” I say, standing up to zip my suitcase, pulling it down to the floor, wheeling it out of the room leaving Ryan sitting on my bed.

“Hey, there you are.” I hear Justin say from the other end of the hall when I reach the end of the staircase. He walks over to me, pulling me against him smiling.

“Everything ok?” he asks when I don’t smile back.

“Did you call Ryan and ask him to come over and talk to me?”

He stares at me for a second before responding, “I called him yes, but…”

“No that’s all I wanted to know.” I say, pulling away from him.

“What’s the matter?” He asks, walking up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

I sigh, “I’m a little upset that’s all.”

“Because I called Ryan and told him he was being a dick and should talk to you?”

I pull away from his grasp, turning to look at him.

“I’m upset because he didn’t do it on his own. He did it because you told him he should.”

“Who are you mad at, me or him?”

“I don’t know.” I say, yelling in frustration. He sneaks his arms around my waist again, pulling me against his chest, and kisses the top of my head.

“Baby, men are just as stubborn as women. You both probably would have gave each other the silent treatment for months if I hadn’t called him.” He starts, making me chuckle slightly.

“Once I told him how stupid and ridiculous he was being he realized I was right and he, not me, decided to surprise you yesterday. I just called him and told him he was being a dick. He was the one who decided to apologize in person.”

“So I’m being a bitch for no reason?”

“Pretty much, yeah.” He says, laughing.

I swat his chest and he grabs my wrist, pulling me to face him.

“I love you and I know him not talking to you hurt, but he apologized and it could just be me, but it seemed like he really meant it. I know he loves you and I know the two of you are all you guys have left and I would really hate to see you two abandon each other because of me. So for my sake will you please talk to your brother before you leave.”

“He’s leaving too.” I say, changing the subject.

“Nice try darlin’ but you still need to talk to him and maybe you should apologize to him.”

“But only if you want to and not because he told you to.” Ryan says from the stairs.

“I’m starting to feel like I should be paying you for our therapist sessions.” I say towards Justin, making him laugh.

“We all make mistakes. It takes a good person to forgive someone for their mistakes. I screwed up, horribly and you forgave me. Ryan screwed up and yesterday you forgave him. I’m pretty sure Ryan is willing to forgive you for this little PMS session you just threw.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh man you didn’t just go there.” Ryan says laughing.

“See this is how things should be. You and Ryan on the same page with me on the outside.”

“I think it would be better for all of us if you were on the inside with us. I don’t know about her, but I could use the friend.”

“Awww. This is too sweet. Are you two gonna like, kiss or something? Should I leave the room?” I say, biting my bottom lip to stop from smiling.

“That’s enough out of you.” Justin says, picking her up and tossing me over his shoulder.

“What should I do with her?” He asks Ryan.

“She always liked swimming in the morning.” Ryan says, grinning from ear to ear.

“Don’t even think about it.” I say, trying to wiggle my way out of Justin’s grip. They both laugh, walking towards the backyard. The next thing I know we’re all swimming to the surface of the pool laughing.

Ryan’s right, It should be the three of us. Maybe one day there will be four of us, but until then, I’m happy with these two.

This place is absolutely breathtaking. I’ve been here once before for a photo shoot, but the last couple of days have just blown my mind. The sunsets, the beaches, the crystal clear water, all of it is just unbelievable.

When I got here a couple of days ago, I met up with an old photographer friend of mine, Randy. I was so excited to see him again. We work really well together and that has been proven the last two days on the beach. They’ve set up this beach hut in the middle of nowhere with white curtains floating in the air and a rather large round bed in the middle.

The first day of shots were more of the body by Victoria collection, but in their new spring colors. They are gorgeous. I’m sure I will own all of them soon. The pinks, purples and yellows, ugh they are just amazing and oddly enough, comfortable.

Yesterday I got to dabble in a little of their spring clothing collection. I did a lot of shots with their new spring dresses and of course I did shots with just shorts on. I’m sure Justin will love those. I used to love to do those shots, when they’d shoot you from behind and all you have on is a pair of shorts or a cute skirt. I always found those shots to be extremely sexy, these being no exception.

Today we’re back to the Bras and Panties, but we’re working with their Pink collection. It’s a little more preppy than I’m used to, but they are still sexy in their own way. Skimpy little panties and the tight tank tops. I guess they grow on you fast. I’m sure I’ll own of this by the time I get home too.

“Lauren I need you to turn around and lift up the tank a little so we see the bottom of your back.” Randy says, readjusting his camera. I do as he says waiting for his next order.

“Yes perfect sweetheart, just like that. Now stick out your ass for me… Yes sweetheart, that’s it.” he yells as he snaps the shot.

I can’t help but laugh. He’s insane, but I love him. He’s one of the most amazing photographers I’ve ever met and he’s into shoes as much as I am so we get along well. I’ve missed this so much. Justin was right, everything came flooding back to me the second I stepped in front of the camera. It’s weird how you can get so comfortable in front of some one with hardly any clothing on for such a long period of time.

“Sweetheart I think we’ve got our shot. Why don’t you go change and meet me back here in 5.” Randy yells, handing his camera to his assistant and occasional play thing, Johnny.

“I’m going to need more than 5 minutes, she needs her hair done and make-up re-done.” Cassandra yells over to Randy.

“Fine I’ll give you 20 minutes will that do?” He shoots back.

“20 minutes! Are you insane! I can’t wash, dry and fix her hair in that amount of time how do you expect me to do that and her make-up and get her dressed?” Cassandra yells in frustration.

“You are wasting time darling. Just do it.” Randy says, walking away with Johnny.

Cassandra screams in frustration. “That man drives me insane!”

I laugh, “I think we can do without a wash this time. That will save you some time and why don’t you get Gina to do my make-up while you do my hair.”

She stares at me for a second before lunging towards me, grabbing me into a hug.

“God I’ve missed you. If you were anyone else you’d be yelling at me too.”

“Cas, you know me better than that. I’d never yell at you. Randy doesn’t mean it either, he just does it to make himself feel important. Between you and me, he’s not.” I say making her giggle.

“Miss Decker?” Johnny, Randy’s assistant says from the doorway.

I turn towards him and smile, “What can I do for you Johnny?”

“I was just talking with Randy and he wanted me to come and ask if you were free for the next two weeks.”

“I thought we were here for the next two weeks?” I ask, a little confused.

“Well, he’s getting the shots they are looking for rather quickly and the other models have already finished their shoots, so we should be done in a couple of days here.”

“What does he want me to do now?” I ask, trying not to move so Cassandra can finish up my hair.

“To fly out to Aspen with us to do some holiday lingerie shots for the upcoming Christmas catalog.”

I turn towards him, wide-eyed, “Are you serious?”

“Honey you can’t move your head when I’m doing your hair.” Cassandra says, pulling my head back where it was.

“Sorry… But seriously?” I screech again.

“Honey, you know he loves you and you two really work well together. If he wasn’t gay, I’d be jealous of you.” He says, making me laugh.

“Well you have nothing to worry about. I have my own man back home.”

“and you haven’t spilled the beans about him yet? What’s up with that darlin‘?” Cassandra says, snapping her fingers at me.

I laugh, “His name is Justin.”

“Honey, you have to give more details than that? Justin who? What’s he look like? What size are his shoes?”

I laugh again, “Johnny watch yourself.” I say, “His name is Justin, he’s tall, handsome, has an amazing voice, may or may not have been in a boy band by the name of Nsync…”

“What?!” Johnny and Cassandra scream at the same time.

“You’re shitting me right?” Cassandra asks, wide-eyed.

“I wouldn’t shit you Cass.” I say, smiling at her in the mirror.

“I’ve wanted to fuck him for years darling. Please tell me he’s as good as he is in my fantasies.” Cass says, sighing.

I laugh, “Well I’ve never heard about these secret fantasies, but I will say that he certainly knows what he’s doing.”

“I always knew one of those boys from that group would turn out gay. I always hoped it would be him and I could snatch him up.” Johnny says.

“Sorry Johnny, but there isn’t a chance in hell Justin is gay.”

“A boy can hope right?” He says, sighing.

“Hope all you want, but I’m the one he’ll be fucking not you darlin’.” I say, grinning at him.

“Giiiirl, you have to tell me what he’s like in the sack.” Cassandra says, finally pinning up the last piece of my hair.

I turn towards them and laugh, “I don’t kiss and tell.”

“Bullshit you don’t.” Cassandra says, laughing.

I scoff and she rolls her eyes at me.

“How soon we forget about Marcus?” She says and my eyes grow wide. “Yes I’m going there.”

“Ooooh was Marcus the guy with the teeny-weenie?” Johnny asks, chuckling.

“Yes, yes he was. She had no problem talking about that with us.” Cassandra says, staring me down.

“I’m not talking about this with you two, it’s not happening.”

Johnny rolls his eyes, “Fine, How did you meet him?”

“I met him at Olivia’s wedding.” I answer, turning back towards the mirror to check out my hair and to avoid their glares.

“Olivia? Is she the bitch that set you up with teeny-weenie, likes to cheat on you and lie about it for months, Marcus?” Johnny asks, shaking his head.

“That would be her, but she’s not a bitch. It wasn’t her fault he was a man-whore.”

“If she was a good friend she would have run a background check on the guy and found out what his dick size was for you. Anything under 6 is just not worth it.”

I laugh and smack his arm, “Johnny that’s not true. Guys can still work it with small dicks.”

“Oh yeah, they can work it and work it and work it, but it doesn’t mean they’re gonna hit it.”

I laugh, “It’s not the size that matters.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it… Wait are you saying Justin has a small dick.”

“I would never say that.”

“Then your saying he has a large dick?” Cassandra interjects.

“I’m not having a discussion over his dick size. I think this conversation is over and I need to get back out there before Randy has a cow.” I say walking past them, back out to find Randy.

“It’s big.” They both say, following me out of the room.

************************************************************************

“So, have you decided if you want to go to Aspen with us?” Randy asks, packing up his camera.

I tighten the tie on my robe and sigh, “Yeah, I think I can handle a trip to Aspen for a few weeks.”

He smiles up at me, “That’s my girl. I’ll have Johnny reserve you a cabin and we’ll be taking my jet.”

“Oooh, the big bad photographer has his own jet now?” I tease.

“I travel a lot.” He says, grinning.

“And he enjoys being a member of the mile high club. I don’t know if you know this or not, but he’s the president.” Johnny says, joining in on our conversation.

“And you’re the vice president.” Randy says, grinning at him.

“Ok, too much info for me… I’m going to go pack. I’ll see you two in the morning and maybe we can go a flight without… attending a meeting of your club.”

“Or I can book you a flight on Jet Blue. I hear they have TVs on every seat.” Randy says, chuckling to himself.

“Cute Randy.” I say, shaking my head.

“Lauren, your phone has been ringing in you bag non-stop for last 15 minutes. I figured you’d want to know.” Cassandra says, handing me my phone.

“Thanks Cass.” I say, walking back to my room. I quickly discard my robe and lingerie before running my self a hot bath. I settle into the hot water before checking my phone and calling Justin back.

“Hey baby.” He answers after just two rings.

“Hey, sorry I didn’t get your call, I was talking with Randy about Aspen again.”

“Did you make a decision?” He asks.

“Yeah, I told him I’d go. I think I need to, you know?”

“I think you should too. It’s a great opportunity.”

“You don’t exactly sound convincing.”

“I’m just tired. There’s a pretty big time difference from here to there.”

“It’s 3 hours right? So it’s..” I pause to check the clock. “Baby it’s only 9:30 there.” I laugh.

“Kenz had me up all last night.”

“How come?”

“Trace bought her the new Rock Band game. She made us finish the whole damn game yesterday. It took us almost 6 hours and that was after about 3 hours of practice. We were all up til about 4:30 this morning.”

I laugh, “So what instrument did you play?”

“She made me sing. Trace did the drums and Kenz played the guitar.”

“Were you guys any good?”

“We weren’t bad actually. We’ll have to give you a concert when you get home.”

“I would love to see that.”

“What are your plans for the rest of the night?”

“Well, seeing as though it is 12:45 in the morning, I would say sleep is coming soon. I just want to relax in the tub for a little while longer.”

“So your naked… in a hot, steamy bath… naked?”

I laugh, “Yeah.”

“Take a picture and send it to me.”

I laugh, “I’ve taken enough pictures today. Sorry baby.”

He groans, quietly, “Please?”

I shake my head, “Fine hold on.” I pull the phone away from my ear and press the camera button. I angle the camera towards me and snap the photo, quickly sending it to him.

“I just sent you one.” I tell him, shaking my head again.

“Ok.” He says and I can hear the smile in his voice. “Dear god woman are you trying to kill me?”

“You asked for a picture, so I sent you one.”

“Well, that is one fine picture.” He says, groaning. “I like the little peek-a-boo nipple and your gorgeous face. God I miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

“How long are you in Aspen?”

“It depends on how fast we get the shots. At most two weeks.” I say, closing my eyes, leaning back against the back of the tub.

“So I have to wait two more weeks to see you?”

“Unless you have a crazy need to go skiing in Aspen for a couple of weeks.”

“I unfortunately have to take a trip out to New York. I’ll be there for a week or so.”

“What are you doing in New York?”

“I haven’t been in a while and I was asked to be on SNL so I figured I’d go out and spend sometime out there and do the show.”

“Are you the host and musical guest?”

“No I’m just going to do a couple of skits for the show. I can’t make it down there in time to do the whole show.”

“How come?”

“I have a meeting tomorrow and Thursday so I can’t fly out there until Friday.”

“How’s Mackenzie?”

“Good. She misses you too. She wanted me to tell you she found the boots you guys were looking for. She made me buy them.”

“Aw I wish I was there I wanted a pair. Where’d you find ‘em?”

“Uhh… Have I mentioned I haven’t slept since yesterday morning?” He answers, chuckling.

I laugh, “That’s ok, I’m just glad she got a pair. She loved them and they weren’t available in her size or mine when we went shopping.”

“Well, we found a pair of black ones in her size and we also found a pair in Brown that just happened to be in your size.”

“ahhh Really? You bought them for me?” I all but screech out.

He laughs, “Well yeah. I thought Kenz was going to pass out when she saw them yesterday. She told me the whole drawn out story about the two of you seeing them and wanting them. She begged me to buy them for you. I asked her why she didn‘t want a pair and she said she‘d rather you had them then her, but what kind of father would I be if I didn’t buy her a pair?”

“Aww, she really said that?”

“She really did. She misses you too.”

“aww, I miss her too.”

He yawns, “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. You should get some sleep.”

“But I finally got you on the phone.”

“Well, I’ll be on a plane for a few hours tomorrow so you could always call me then.”

“Why don’t you call me when you get some free time. Hopefully that free time wont be between the hours of 12 and 3.”

I laugh, “I’ll make some free time for you.”

“Good.”

I smile, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Tell Mackenzie and Trace I said hi.”

“I will. I love you.”

“I love you too. Good night baby.”

“Good night.” he says, hanging up the phone.

The two months has just flown by. It seems like it was just yesterday that I was on Randy’s jet flying to Aspen getting ready to do a photo shoot for the Christmas catalog for Victoria’s Secret. And now…

Well now I’m on my second full day of ‘girl time’ with Mackenzie. I promised after everything settled down I would take her out… Well I guess you could say Justin promised for me. It was the only way he could convince Mackenzie to stay home when he flew out to surprise me for a week.

Dear god was it a good week.

No lie, from start to finish it was just amazing.

God I have never been more surprised than I was that day, and he kept surprising me all week.

Did I mention it was a week full of unbelievably good… no amazing sex. I mean the man kept going and going. It was like he was that damn energizer bunny for Christ’s sake. Every second we had alone or every second he made us be alone together, we were going at it. I’m in no way complaining about it either. It was certainly a week to remember.

“Lauren?” Mackenzie says, pulling me out of my lust filled memories.

“Yeah sweetie?” I say shaking the longing look of pure lust I probably have plastered all over my face.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Spending time with me, I really love spending time with you.” She says, hugging me around my waist.

I smile, “I really love spending time with you too sweetie.”

“Can I ask you something?”

I nod, “Sure, let’s go sit down.” I say, walking over towards a bench along the side of the walkway of the park.

“What’s up?” I ask, when she doesn’t start.

“Well, I was just wondering if you and Daddy were ok.”

“of course we’re ok. Why do you think we aren’t?”

“I don’t.” She quickly responds, “I just was wondering because… Well because I don’t want to lose another mother.” She says, biting her bottom lip as she stares down at her feet swinging back and forth under the bench.

I turn towards her with tears in my eyes.

She thinks of me as her mother?

“I really love being with you Lauren and I think you’re amazing. You’re funny, smart, beautiful, stylish, super cool… you make my daddy happy. I mean he get’s this goofy look on his face every time someone even comes close to mentioning your name.”

I give her a half smile, encouraging her to keep talking because if I open my mouth I’m probably going to bust out crying.

“I really want you and me and Daddy to be a family. I want you to be my step-mom. I want to know that when I go to school, that when I come home you’re going to be there to talk to. I don’t want to go somewhere and find out that your gone one day.”

Where is she going with this? I would never leave her, I couldn’t. I can’t tell her that right now because I’m pretty sure it would just come out in a giant sob at this point.

“I know it’s not really my choice or anything, but I was wondering if you would marry my Daddy. I know you guys love each other and I figure if your married I’m guaranteed to never lose you.”

I can’t stop it now, the tears just flow freely down my face and I can’t wipe the smile off my face. She wants me to be her mom.

“I will do anything. I’ll clean my room everyday, I’ll do my own laundry, I’ll sell all my shoes… Please Lauren?” She begs, looking at me with hope in her eyes.

I can’t stop crying. This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. This little 7 year old girl is willing to sell her prized shoe collection for me. That’s huge!

“I’m never going to leave you M. I promise no matter what, you will be a part of my life and I will be a part of yours.”

“Not if you and daddy break up again.”

“Your dad wont have a choice. Besides, he wouldn’t do that to you or me.”

“So you wont marry daddy?” She asks, quietly, dropping her head again.

“Honey your dad and I have only been together for a few months and we’ve had some hard times in between.”

“But you got through them and your happy together right?”

“Yes but…”

“So why can’t you guys get married. I want my mom to have the same last name as me.”

I smile remembering the day her name was officially changed over from Mackenzie Kingston to Mackenzie Timberlake. It was on her birthday a little over a week ago. She was so excited to finally have the same last name as her dad. We threw her a huge surprise party that afternoon at the house in celebration of her name change and her birthday. We threw a surprise party for Trace the next day for his birthday. Then we had the first annual Timberlake/Ayala/Decker Thanksgiving. It was amazing. Ryan and I flew out to Memphis with Trace, Justin and Mackenzie and we spent the week celebrating everything. It was nice to be a part of a family again. Ryan said the same thing one night while we were there.

A family. I haven’t had a family in years. Of course I’ve had Ryan, but it’s nice to be a part of a big family again.

“Lauren please marry daddy.”

“Honey that’s something your dad… It’s not something you can just…” Oh hell. “Honey I’d give anything to be your mom. I really would.”

“But?” She sadly asks.

“But you can’t just ask me to marry your dad. He has to want to enough to ask me himself and like I said before we’ve only been together for a few months.”

“But if he asked you would you say yes?”

I take a deep breath and stare at her. Huh… Would I? I mean seriously we’ve been together what like 5 months tops? And we’ve actually spent what like a total of two months actually together?

“Lauren?”

“Yes.” I say, shocking myself.

She smiles brightly at me, “Really?” She squeals.

“Really, but you can’t push this on your dad. This is a decision he needs to make on his own and I don’t want you telling him we even had this discussion ok?”

She frowns, “Ok.”

“M I know you want this, but if you push your dad it may push him away from this. I promise no matter what, I’ll be apart of your life.”

“But I want you to be my mom… I want to call you mom…” She says, staring down at her feet again.

“Just because your dad and I aren’t married doesn’t mean I can’t be a mother to you. And you can call me whatever you want.”

“Really?” She asks, looking up at me with wide, bright eyes.

“Really. I love you M, and I promise nothing is going to change that.”

“I love you too.” She says as I pull her into a hug.

************************************************************************

“Kenzie! Lauren!” Justin yells, busting through the front door.

“Kitchen.” We both yell at the same time.

Justin barrels through the hallway and into the kitchen in record time, pausing only to give us both a kiss on the top of our heads.

“How was your girl day?”

Mackenzie and I smile at each other before she answers, “Amazing.” and I nod in agreement.

“What’s up with you? You ran through here pretty fast…” I ask looking back up to him.

“I got a call this afternoon that I’ve been waiting for.”

“Oh yeah…” I say, trying to get him to continue.

“Remember when a few weeks ago when I said that I wanted to do a Charity Concert?” He asks and I quickly nod, “Well I just got news that I have an amazing line up for said concert.”

“So it’s really going to happen?” I ask, smiling.

He nods, grinning from ear to ear, “I have Beyonce, Rihanna, T.I., Timbaland, Leona Lewis even confirmed today. Oh and I think they said something about the… wait what’s the name of that band… hmmm… is it the Jones Brothers?” Justin asks, trying hard not to grin.

“NO! THE JONAS BROTHERS!” Mackenzie screams, jumping up and down around the kitchen.

I laugh, watching her dance around in excitement.

“So does that mean I finally get to see you grace the stage?” I ask, grinning up at him.

“It does.”

“Mmmm… that is one of my fantasies you know.”

“Is that right?” He asks, pulling me against him, wrapping his arms around my waist.

“I have to go call Uncle Trace, he’s going to freak!” Mackenzie says, running out of the kitchen.

I laugh, “Trace a big Jonas Brothers fan?”

“I think he’s a closet fan…”

“hmmm.”

“Tell me more about theses… fantasies you have.”

I chuckle, “Well, about a month ago, M and I watched your HBO special from your last tour and I have to tell you, you were amazing on stage. God the way you moved around, dancing, humping, singing… It was so sexy.”

“So what’s your fantasy.”

“I have many, but one of them having you walk off stage, down the long hallway to your dressing room, passing all your groupies and techies, picking me out of the crowd.”

“So you want to play musician and the groupie?”

“Mmm… I’m sure it’s not exciting for you because I’m sure you’ve played this game before, but I haven’t and the way you look when your on stage… It’s hot.”

“I’ve never played this game before.”

“You’ve never fucked a groupie?” I ask, almost shocked by his confession.

“Never…”

“Wow.. I’m actually shocked.”

He laughs, “I’m willing to break my no groupie rule for you though.”

“Mmm I hope so.”

“What other fantasies do you have darlin’?”

“I guess you’ll have to wait and find out…”

He just laughs, “So how was your day?”

“Interesting.” I say, trying hard not to scream ‘your daughter wants us to get married’.

“Did you have fun?”

“I always do.” I say, smiling.

“DADDY!” Mackenzie screams, running down the stairs.

“KENZIE!” Justin yells back.

“Uncle Trace says you didn’t get me tickets to see the Jonas Brothers. Is that true?”

“Honey it’s your dad’s charity concert… you don’t need tickets. Uncle Trace is just being a goof.” I say, winking at her.

“You sure? I really get to see them?”

“If your dad says they’re going to be there, so are we.”

“WAHOO! Thanks Mom… Thanks Daddy.” She says, skipping out of the kitchen.

I know I heard Justin’s breath catch when she called me mom and I’m pretty sure my heart just burst. She has no idea how good that makes me feel. I could probably burst out crying right now, but I probably shouldn’t considering Justin’s probably wondering how this happened.

“Did… Did she just…” He says looking over towards me.

I turn quickly, trying to hide my face from him, but he gently grabs my arm, turning back towards him.

“Lauren?”

I bite my lower lip, letting a few tears fall down my face.

“Did she just call you mom?” he asks, wiping my cheeks with his thumb.

“She… She’s been doing it all day. I’m sorry I didn’t think she’d do it in front of you, but I couldn’t tell her not to… It’s so sweet.”

“She called you mom?” He asks again, still a little shocked.

“I’m sorry.”

He chuckles, “Why?”

“I’m sure you don’t want her calling me mom. I mean she just lost her real mother 4 months ago and…”

He chuckles again, “And?”

“I don’t know… But I love hearing her say it.”’

“So do I.” he says, leaning down to kiss me.

“What else did you two do today?”

“I asked her to marry you.” Mackenzie says, taking a seat at the island.

My eyes fly open as wide as they can go and I’m pretty sure my heart stopped.

Shit…

“You what?” Justin choked out.

So much for not telling dad…

I’m dreaming this whole thing right? I mean my daughter couldn’t have possibly just said she asked Lauren to marry me.

“I said I asked her to mar…”

“Mackenzie.” Lauren says, shaking her head.

Holy fuck.

“But I really want you guys…” Mackenzie starts, but Lauren quickly interrupts her again.

“Mackenzie, didn’t we talk about this today?”

“You talked about it?” I squeal out, wide eyed at the both of them.

“Daddy, please marry her I really want her to…”

“Mackenzie!” Lauren yells.

I stumble back against the counter looking back and forth between the two of them. They’ve talked about this? My mind is sprinting in circles in my head, I have no idea if this is all really happening right now or not.

“You don’t want to anymore?” Mackenzie asks, rather sadly.

“Mac…” Lauren starts, stopping to shake her head.

Wait did she just say you don’t anymore? What the hell does that mean? Did… Did Lauren… want to marry me? Fuck, I haven’t really even thought about it. I mean shit, we’ve been together for months… I didn’t think you thought about this shit for years.

I love Lauren with all my heart, well half of it I guess. Mackenzie has the other half, but this whole marriage thing has never really been my thing. I’ve never really pictured myself married. Although for a while I never pictured myself with kids, but here I am standing in my kitchen with my daughter and she’s the one with enough balls to ask my girlfriend to marry me. Shit, she’s got more balls than I do.

“Mackenzie, didn’t I tell you this wasn’t one of those things that you can’t push or control. Honey this is something that your dad has to want before he can even think of asking me. It’s not something you can ask and just have happen. I know your young and you don’t really get this, but you can’t make your dad want something he doesn’t want.” She sighs, running her fingers through Kenzie’s hair.

“I’m sorry Mac, but like I said whether your dad and I marry or not, I’ll always be a part of your life and you’ll always be a part of mine. Nothing with ever change that. I love you more than you will ever know, but you can’t make this happen and I’m sorry that you’re upset over this, but life doesn’t work that way.”

I stand there still just staring blankly at the both of them. Lauren keeps wiping Kenzie’s face with the backs of her fingers and Kenzie is just staring up at her like her world just fell apart. They both have this sad look on their faces and I honestly still have no idea what’s going on right now.

“But I want you to be my mom so bad.” she says, sobbing now.

“Me marrying your dad doesn’t make me your mom Mac.” Lauren says quietly.

“Yes it does.” She cries out.

“No, you wanting me to be there for you and me loving you and caring for you makes me that. I would do anything for you.”

“Then marry my dad. Please.” She begs, getting down on her knees, crying.

I watch the tears fall down Lauren’s face and I can tell this is killing her, hell it’s killing me.

“I can’t Mackenzie… I can’t make that decision and neither can you.”

“I can.” I say, and I’m shocked at myself for saying it out loud.

They both turn to look at me, Mackenzie with a smile and Lauren with a mixture of terror and shock. Looks like she forgot I was here.

“It’s my decision to make right? Isn’t that what you two keep saying?”

“You’ll marry her?” Mackenzie says, jumping back up from the floor.

“Justin… This isn’t something you get forced into. Think about what your doing. If you don’t want this, then you don’t want it. And if I don’t then I don’t. You can’t do this because she wants you to.”

Is she trying to talk me out of it now? Hell I thought she wanted to.

“And if you want it?”

“Then I wait until you want it.” She says with a sigh.

I have to ask… “Do you?”

“She told me yes.” Mackenzie interjects.

Lauren flinches, closing her eyes. I close the gap between us, hooking my finger under her chin to make her look at me, “Do you?” I ask again.

She shrugs, letting a tear fall from her eye.

I smile, “Then I made my decision.”

“Don’t.” She warns, “Don’t do this.”

“I thought you wanted me to.”

“It doesn’t matter if I do or not. This isn’t what you want.”

“What if it is?”

“Then you wouldn’t have looked like someone just killed your dog and handed you it’s head when she mentioned it earlier… You would have done it on your own… you would have a ring… You wouldn’t be doing it in a kitchen...” she rambles on and on and on…

“Are you done?” She sighs, nodding.

“You’re right, I wouldn’t ask you in a kitchen, I would do it on my own and I will, I would have a ring, we would live together, I would get down on one knee, shit all of that was true, but I’m afraid that if I don’t do it now you’ll turn me down when I do.” She laughs through her tears.

“C’mere.” I say, grabbing her hand, motioning for Mackenzie to follow us out to the back yard. I stop by the side of the pool, pulling Lauren in front of me. I smile over at Mackenzie and she giggles, grinning from ear to ear.

Looking back towards Lauren, I’m speechless. I can’t believe I’m really about to do this. Honestly I can’t imagine my life without her in it. I’ve lost her once, I’m not doing it again. I love her with everything I have. She’s the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep, hell I even dream about this woman.

I think it’s time I grew some balls.

“I love you, you know that right?”

“You don’t have to do this, please don’t do this.”

I smile, “You didn’t answer my question.”

She sighs, “Yes, I know you love me.”

“Do you have any idea how much?”

“I have a pretty good idea, if it’s anywhere near as much as I love you.”

“It’s more, a lot more.”

“I think we’ll agree to disagree on that.” She says, finally smiling back at me.

I smile, running my hand slowly down her face, tucking a fly piece of hair that had fallen from the pins holding it back. “You are the most beautiful person, inside and out, that I have ever met.”

“Your not so bad yourself.” she says, placing her hand over mine, resting on her cheek.

“You were right. I was scared shitless when Mackenzie said she had asked you to marry me. I’m not going to lie, at first the thought scared me, but then I listened to Mackenzie say how bad she wants you a part of our family and it got me thinking.”

“And what’d you come up with?” She asks, tears threatening to drop from her beautiful green eyes.

“Well, she got me thinking about life and how I’ve always looked at it. A year ago I would have told you I was never having kids and I was never getting married. This morning I still had the no marriage thought rolling through my head, but then I thought about my life without you and I couldn’t breathe. There isn’t a part of me that wants to lose you.”

“You don’t have to marry me to keep me around, Justin.”

“I know that.”

“So, it doesn‘t matter if this is what Mackenzie wants or if this is what I want. What do you want?”

“You.“ I say smiling, “Once I started thinking about it, it made sense to me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want to have a family with you, I want to watch you walk down the aisle towards me with Ryan on your arm, I want to give Kenzie some brothers and sisters and I want you to be the mother of my kids. I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life loving you and caring for you…”

“I never thought I’d want any of this, but when I met you everything changed. I want kids, I want marriage, I want an entire room full of your shoes, I want your clothes mixed in with my clothes in the closet, I want to wake up next to you every morning, I want to go to sleep with you in my arms every night, I want to cry with you when you watch sad/romantic movies, I want to wipe the drool off you face the first time you meet Mark Wahlberg, I want to put out a petition to get the Golden Girls back on TV just to see you laugh the way you do when you watch that show…” I stop when I finally hear her laugh.

I take both her hands in mine and stare into her eyes, “Most importantly I want you to marry me and spend the rest of your life with me and Kenzie.”

She lets the tears fall down her face as she smiles at me. She’s got me a little nervous though, she isn’t answering and I have to say I’ve never been a very patient person. I may act like I am, but I’m not.

“She already told me yes, she can’t say no now.” Mackenzie says, making us both laugh.

“I want to hear her say it.” I say, grinning down at her.

“So what do you say darlin’? Think you can handle us for the rest of your life?”

“Yeah, I think I can handle that.”

Did last night really happen?

I’m laying here, wrapped up in Justin’s arms, and I can’t seem to figure out if last night really happened or if it was all a dream. From the looks of things I know we had sex, but we could have had sex whether last night happened or not so that doesn’t help. I don’t see a ring on my finger, but he asked me out of nowhere, so I wouldn’t have one regardless.

Ugh! What am I going to do? I can’t just out and ask him if by chance he’d asked me to marry him last night. If it was a dream it might freak the shit right out of him, and if it wasn’t a dream he might get pissed and think I didn’t want it to have happened.

Maybe he’ll say something when he wakes up. I mean if you asked someone to marry you the night before you’d mention it the next morning right? Please tell me I’m right!

I guess I could always just wait and ask Mac when I see her. She was there whether it was a dream or not and she wouldn’t get freaked out by me asking. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.

“Mornin’ Beautiful.” Justin says against my shoulder as he places a few kisses there.

“Morning. Have any good dreams?” Have any good dreams? When have I ever asked that? I must be more nervous than I thought.

He laughs, “I always have good dreams.”

“Well, as long as I’m in them…” I say, silently cursing myself for being ridiculous.

“You’re most definitely in all my dreams. You have any good ones?”

Umm? Maybe? “I still can’t quite remember if it was a memory or a dream.”

“Was it good or bad?” He asks, yawning.

Uhh… Good, I think… “It was good for me.” I say, making him laugh.

“So it may not have been good for the guy?”

“It wasn’t a sex dream.” I say, laughing.

“Bummer… So I wasn’t in it?”

“No, you were in it. I just don’t remember if it really happened or not. I’m sure it will come to me sooner or later.”

“What was it about?”

“I’ll let you know if it hasn’t happened yet…” I say, covering my ass.

“So it may be one of your secret fantasies I don’t know about?” He asks, running his hands up and down my sides.

“Mmm… maybe…” I lean up, sneaking a kiss before getting up from the bed, making my way into the bathroom.

“Is everything ok?” Justin yells from the bed.

I sigh, sneaking my head out the side of the door, “Yes, I’m just hungry and I have to pee so if you’ll excuse me for a second…” I say, backing up to the toilet with a sigh.

“You sure?”

I jump from my seat on the toilet, silently cursing.

“You’re awfully jumpy this morning.” He says, leaning against the doorframe.

“Well, shit. Just a second ago you were on the bed. What did you run or something?” I ask, finishing my duties on the toilet.

“You just seem… Funny this morning.”

Shit. Shit. Shit. “Funny? Like how?”

“Like your hoping yesterday never happened.”

Ok so… If it was a dream what the hell happened yesterday that I would be acting weird about? And if it wasn’t a dream, I’m seriously killing the mood.

“Why would I not want yesterday to have happened?” I ask, trying to get a little more out of him. I just wish I could figure this out without pissing him off.

“Oh I don’t know, because yesterday was a pretty big deal and maybe now your regretting it.” he says, wrapping his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder.

I sigh, figuring yesterday wasn’t a dream and I’m hurting him by letting him think I would ever regret that.

“I don’t want you to do something you don’t want to do, Lauren.”

“Funny, because that’s exactly how I was feeling about you. Justin I wont be upset if you didn’t want yesterday to have happened. I know you got conned into this and…”

“You think I would let her con me into marrying you? Come on you have to give me more credit than that.”

“I do… I just know that if she hadn’t brought it up it wouldn’t have been even a flicker of a thought in your head. I don’t want you to do this just to make her happy. That’s not right.”

“I wouldn’t marry someone just to please someone else. I figured you knew me well enough to know that.”

I sigh again, “I do, it’s just this all happened so fast and I don’t want you to regret anything.”

“I don’t regret asking you and I wont. I love you and I do want to marry you. If your having second thoughts, we can wait as long as you want. It’s not like we’re in a huge rush or anything.”

I turn in his arms and smile realizing that we are both still naked and we are both extremely turned on at the moment. “I think Mac has the date set already.”

“Is that one of the things you two talked about yesterday?”

I laugh, “No! The only thing I talked about with her was that she shouldn’t do what she did. She listens well.”

“You’ll have to fix that.”

“Me? So now that she has a problem I have to fix it? Aren’t you her father?”

“Yes, but I think she’d enjoy getting a few lessons from her new mother.” He says, lifting me up, setting me down on to the counter and grinning from ear to ear with that sexy smile that gets every woman in America soaking their panties. Lucky for me I don’t have any on.

“I think I’d enjoy a few lessons from her father.” I say, locking my legs around his thighs, pulling him in closer.

“And what lesson would you like me to start with?” He whispers in my ear, before nibbling on my neck.

“Sexual education.” I whisper, barely audible.

He growls against my neck and I can tell he heard me. “Well, when a man loves a woman he sometimes likes to show her just how much.”

“And how’s he do that?” I ask, my breath starting to come out in pants.

“Like this…” He whispers in my ear as he slowly-excruciatingly slow- slides into me inch by fabulous inch until he’s buried inside of me to the hilt.

This is definitely not a dream.

************************************************************************

“Hey L.” Trace says, walking into the kitchen, taking a seat at the island.

“Oh hey… Have you seen Justin? He’s supposed to be helping me and I have yet to seen his ass in this kitchen.”

The bastard laughs, “He’s out back with Mac.”

I spin towards him and glare at him. “Well guess what that means.”

“What’s that mean?” He asks, cautiously.

“That means you’ve just been signed up for cooking duty.”

“Me?” He screeches, shaking his head, “Oh hell no. I can’t cook. Are you insane?”

“You own a restaurant and you can’t cook?”

“I own it, which means I pay people to cook for me.”

“Well today your officially going to learn to cook.”

“Or today I could go take over out back with J and he can come help you cook.”

“Well, that’s up to you, but you have 2 minutes to either start helping me or to get Justin in here to help me.”

He jumps up from the bar stool and runs at full speed towards the back yard. I hear him yelling Justin’s name in a panicked tone and I can’t help but laugh.

“Can I change first?” Justin asks, walking into the kitchen, dripping water all over the floor.

“You could dry off before coming in and then go change, but I need help Justin and you promised you’d help.”

“I know, but I didn’t think you needed help until later.”

“Later? Justin your parents are coming in 3 hours and I have to cook them a meal to eat and dessert and clean up the mess you just made. That’s not a whole lot of time.”

“Baby you need to calm down.” He pulls me against his chest, resting his chin on my head, “Look I’ll go change and I can clean up the water and then I’ll help you bake a mean dessert and you can tell me how I can help with dinner.” he pulls me back to look at me, “But first you need to calm down and relax. It’s just dinner with my parents. Not a huge deal.”

I scoff, “Are you joking? Your not at all worried about telling your mom and best friend your getting married to me?”

He laughs, “Why would I be worried?”

“I’m scared shitless to tell Ryan and he’s just my brother!”

“Why?” he asks, laughing yet again.

“This is not funny Justin. You don’t at all think your mom is going to flip out that you want to get married to someone that you’ve only known for a few months?”

“I don’t really care what they think. I’m telling them because I feel that they should know. If they don’t like it, they’ll just have to get over it, because this is what I want and as long as it makes me and you happy, I don’t really care what everyone else thinks.”

“You and your mom are too close for something like that. If she doesn’t like this, you wont either.”

“I’m 28 years old and the last time I checked, I made my own decisions. Whether my mom, dad or even Trace likes it or not, I’ve made my decision and I’m going to marry you.”

“Your what?” Trace asks from the doorway. We both turn towards him to see the shocked look on his face. That in no way make me feel any better about this dinner with his parents.

Justin sighs, “Shit.”

“Yeah shit is right. What the hell?” Trace yells, throwing his hands in the air like a over zealous woman.

“We were going to tell you and my parents at dinner tonight.”

“So your getting…married?”

“I told you this was a bad idea… I’ll be upstairs, call me when your done so I can cook.” I say before making my way out of the kitchen to let the two of them talk it out.

************************************************************************

“When did this happen?” Trace asks, dropping down onto the bar stool.

“Trace, man look, I love her and this is what I want.”

“Since when? I’ve been your friend for ever. You’ve never wanted to get married.”

“Kenzie called her mom.”

“How the hell did she call her mom? She’s dead remember? Are you on drugs or something?”

I shake my head at how stupid he can be sometimes, “Jesus Christ you’re a moron. Mackenzie called Lauren, Mom.”

“She what?” he yells, throwing his arms in the air again. Sometimes I wonder about this man.

“It all happened yesterday. I came in to tell them that I got the call about the charity concert and we got talking about their day and at some point after she talked to you about the Jonas Brothers, Mackenzie came in with loaded guns and said she asked Lauren to marry me while they were shopping.”

“She what?”

I shake my head, laughing, “Is that all your going to say?”

“I’m.. Shit that’s insane!”

“No shit. I thought I was going to have a heart attack.”

“Then why the fuck are you engaged?” He asks, throwing his hands in the air, yet again.

“Stop doing that. You look like a fucking woman…”

“Fuck off… Why the hell are you engaged?”

“Because I love her and I want nothing more than to be her husband. I want to have kids with this woman. I’ve never wanted any of those things before, and now that’s all I can think about. Trace, look I know you don’t get why I’m doing this, but this is what I want and this is what makes me happy.”

“This is really something you want?”

“You sound like Lauren.”

He raises an eyebrow at me, “I what?”

“She’s been doing that since I asked.”

“I’m confused.”

“She thinks I did this because of Kenzie. I would never let myself get pressured into anything, especially marriage. I did this because I can’t picture my life without her in it and I can’t picture Lauren not being a mother to Kenzie. I want us to be a family.”

“Was that why she didn’t think this dinner was a good idea?” I nod.

“Look J, If this is what makes you happy than I’m happy for you. I just was a little shocked to hear those words come out of your mouth. I’m sorry I freaked.”

“Don’t worry about it. Uh… How do you think my parents are going to take this?” I ask, actually starting to get nervous. Shit.

“Are you kidding? You mom is going to cry!”

“Fuck, you thinks it’s going to be that bad?”

“She’s going to cry and scream and probably throw a fucking party with every crazy ass family member of yours and mine.”

I laugh, “Why’d you do that to me! Dickhead.”

“Oh fuck off… Congrats man.” He smiles, patting my back.

“Thanks.”

Lauren Decker 

Justin Timberlake

Mackenzie Timberlake

Ryan Decker

Trace Ayala

Olivia Hastings

Derek Hastings

So scared shitless would be an understatement for how I feel right now.

Justin’s parents just arrived and I’m pretty sure Ryan just pulled up and I wasn’t aware he was coming. I thought I was going to have a few more days to come up with a game plan on how to tell him, but apparently Justin thought tonight would be a good time.

I can’t believe this is happening right now. Don’t get me wrong, I love Justin more than anything, but the thought of telling his parents and my brother that we’re getting married kind of makes me sick. I know it shouldn’t, but I still have that sick feeling that Justin did this just because Mackenzie wanted him to. I know deep down that’s not why he did it, but what are his parent’s going to think? And Ryan? Oh god…

“Baby, everyone’s here. What are you doing still sitting up here?” Justin says, rushing into the bedroom.

“Why didn’t you tell me Ryan was coming?”

“Uh… I didn’t know Ryan was coming.”

Ok so he didn’t ask him? “What do you mean?”

“I didn’t invite him.” Ok so I’m in full on freak out mode now.

“Then what is he doing here?” I ask, freaking out.

“Can’t your brother come visit?” He asks from the doorway.

“Ryan!” I yell, jumping up from the bed.

“I didn’t realize you were having company. I just stopped by to tell you I’m home.”

“You could have called.”

“Wow. Are you still mad at me about something?”

“I’m going downstairs to… mingle with my family. You ok?” Justin asks.

I nod and he kisses my forehead before leaving, patting Ryan on the back before making his way down the hallway.

“So, why shouldn’t I have been invited to dinner?” Ryan asks, sitting down beside me.

“I just wanted a little more time to tell you.”

“Tell me what?” Ryan asks, getting a little worried. He’s too cute sometimes.

“Mommy! Mommy! Gramma Lynn’s here. Are you coming down?” Mackenzie asks, barging into the room without knocking.

“Uh, yeah Mac. I’ll be down in a minute.”

“Ok. Hi Uncle Ryan!” She says, skipping out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Ryan slowly turns his head towards me and I can read the questions he has just by looking in his eyes.

“Did she just call me Uncle Ryan?”

“Ryan…”

“Did she just call you mommy? What the hell is going on?”

Breathe. In and out. In and out. Oh god I’m going to pass out.

“Lauren? Some answers would be nice.”

“Justin asked me to marry him.”

“He what?” He just screeched at me.

“That’s why everyone’s here. I was going to tell you when you got home in a couple of days, but now your home early and I haven’t had time to think of how to tell you. I’m sorry, but I didn’t think you’d be home and it’s going to be hard enough telling Justin’s parents. I didn’t want you added to that mess.”

“Breathe Lauren.” Ryan says, chuckling. “I assume you said yes.”

I sigh, looking down at the floor with a short nod. He places his finger under my chin, tilting my head up to look at him. I know I look terrified and I shouldn’t, but what Ryan thinks is important to me. He’s the only family I have and if he’s not ok with this, I’m not so sure I’ll be ok with this. Please be ok with this.

He laughs, “Why do you look so terrified?”

“Because I’m nervous about how you feel about this. What you think really matters to me, Ryan.” I admit, biting my lower lip so hard I’m almost positive I’m going to make it bleed.

“Is this what you want? He makes you happy right? You’re fine with jumping into motherhood head first?”

“Which one do you want me to answer first?”

“They should all have the same answer, Lauren.”

“They do.”

“And?” He asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes I want this. Yes he makes me happy and I have no problems with jumping head first into motherhood. Especially with Mac.”

“Then I couldn’t be happier for you.” He says with a huge grin.

I’m crying. He’s really ok with this? Maybe today wont be as bad as I thought.

“Really?”

He laughs, “Really. Congratulations little lady.” he says, pulling me in for a hug.

“Thank you.” I wipe my face and smile. “I guess this means you can stay for dinner now.”

He laughs again, “Good, ‘cuz I’m starvin’”

“I love you Ry. You’re still my favorite guy, you know that right.”

“Like I even questioned it.” He says, making me laugh.

************************************************************************

“Welcome to our crazy ass family.” Trace whispers in my ear, giving me a big hug.

I step back a little shocked. This from the man who almost just about passed out when Justin mentioned marriage.

“Don’t looked so shocked. I’m happy for you guys.”

“Sure about that?” I ask a little skeptical.

“Positive. I was just a little shocked J wanted this. I know he does now and honestly, I can’t wait to get drunk at your wedding.” He says, downing the rest of his beer. “How’d big Ryan take it?”

“A hell of a lot better than I thought.” I shake my head, still a little shocked.

“Dinner’s ready!” Justin yells to everyone. And so it begins… again.

Everyone sat down at the table as Justin and I brought out the food, setting it down on the table. Trace walked around the table pouring wine for those who wanted it. The dinner turned out pretty well considering Justin had to finish it because I was too scared to come out of my room. I’m actually impressed although all he really had to do was take it out of the oven and cut it up, but hey it’s something.

Mackenzie and Trace have been whispering back and forth about the Jonas Brothers concert and she keeps asking when we’re going to tell Justin’s parents. I’m kind of wondering that myself. I would have thought it would have been during dinner, but now that we’re picking up the plates and bringing out the desert, which Justin’s mother happened to bring with her, I don’t know when he’s planning on telling them.

“Daddy?” Mackenzie says, almost bumping into me as she barrels through the kitchen.

“Whoa sweetie, you almost had ice cream in your hair.”

“Sorry… When are you going to tell them?”

I turn towards Justin and he quickly turns away from us to gather up some spoons.

“Daddy?” Mac asks, again met by silence.

“Why don’t you go take this in and we’ll be there in a minute ok?” I suggest handing her the ice cream.

She sighs, “Ok.” Skipping off into the dining room.

“Justin?”

“I should bring the pie in.” He says, trying to sneak by me.

“Nu uh” I grab his arm, making him face me, “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing.”

I chuckle, “Nothing? I know you better than that, Justin.”

“I’m a little nervous.” He admits with a sigh.

I grin, “I knew it!”

“Don’t start.”

“Oh I’m starting. The man who was all excited about telling everyone is now nervous? Now how did that happen? Please, I’d love to know.” I say, taking a seat at the bar, still grinning.

“It’s not that I’m nervous about how their going to react or anything it’s…”

“It’s?” I drag out, waiting for him to continue.

“I know once my entire family finds out, which will be right after we tell my parents, give or take 20 minutes… My grandma is going to want us to get married right away and probably in Tennessee… She’s going to be breathing down our necks until we set a date and pick a place in Tennessee where we want to do it and I don’t want to be pushed.”

I sigh, “Why because you’ve been pushed enough?”

“You still think that?” He asks, quietly.

I shrug. “What am I supposed to think. This wouldn’t be happening if Mackenzie hadn’t brought it up.”

“No, probably not right now no, but I’m glad she did bring it up. I want this. I want to marry you. I want us to be a family. I love you Lauren. I’ve never felt like this with anyone before. I truly believe your it for me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Kenzie and the bundles of kids we have together.”

I laugh, “Bundles?”

He shrugs, “I always wanted a basketball team.”

“Uh… No… How about a chess team.”

He laughs, “Ok. Chess team it is… You do realize chess teams can be pretty big right?”

I roll my eyes at him and sigh, “As long as it’s not as big as a basketball team, I’ll be alright.”

“Deal.” He grabs me under my arms, pulling me up to kiss me. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he backs me up against the island, slowly running his hands down my sides. Wait! His parents are in the next room! Stop! We need to stop!

I can’t bring myself to pull away from him. Get a hold of yourself! Soon to be parents-in-law in the next freakin’ room and your about to fuck on the kitchen counter! Step away from the bad situation.

His hand slowly slides his hand up my thigh, dragging my dress up with it as he kisses down my neck onto my shoulder.

“We shouldn’t be… doing this.” I choke out, desperately trying to remember how to breathe. He doesn’t answer, instead he moves his other hand to my inner thigh, dragging his knuckles slowly upwards until he reaches my freshly soaked panties. He moans, moving the wet piece of fabric to the side to slide his finger over my clit.

I gasp, slamming my eyes shut. This can not be happening with is parents, best friend, daughter and my brother in the next room. Please give me the strength to step away before we get caught.

“Oh god…” I gasp as he jams two fingers into me while his thumb rubs my clit.

“Come for me. I want to taste you for dessert.” He whispers in my ear, stroking his fingers in me faster.

I whimper, trying my absolute hardest not to make any noise that will make anyone from the next room come in here. I feel my muscles start to tighten as I lean my head back, letting my orgasm take over. Justin grabs my hair pulling me in for a kiss just in time to hide my moan of appreciation.

My eyes fly open as he slowly pulls away from me. I wiggle my dress back down into position and I stare at him in complete shock. Did that really just happen? He grins lifting his hand to his mouth, licking his fingers dry.

“Mmm.” He moans, pulling his fingers slowly out of his mouth. “Now that’s a good dessert.” He winks at me before walking back into the dining room.

I take a deep breath and flatten the front of my dress, making sure I’m decent before picking up the pie and walking into the dining room, setting it down on the table. Lynn stands up to cut the pie, handing a piece to everyone.

“Oh none for me.” Justin says, waving her off.

“You love dessert.” Lynn says, shocked.

He grins, running a hand up my thigh, “I had a piece of pie in the kitchen.”

Trace chokes on his beer, swallowing hard. He looks back and forth between Justin and I with a grin. Dirty bastard. Luckily Lynn didn’t catch on or if she did, didn’t care. Remind me to kill him later. Ryan on the other hand. He caught it and he’s grinning, shaking his head.

I could have done without that tonight.

It was worth it though. Very, very worth it.

“So while you guys are eating… On second thought let me know when your all finished eating.” Justin announces to the table.

Lynn laughs, “Is it something that could make us choke on our pie?”

Well if she reacts the way Ryan and Trace did… Yes.

Justin scratches his chin, one of his many nervous habits. Lynn gets all serious and places her fork down on her napkin.

“Well, at least I know you two haven’t left each other again. She doesn’t look pregnant although she does have that glow. She doesn’t seem angry that you got someone else pregnant so… What is it?”

My eyes widen and I look over at Ryan and Trace. ‘I have a glow?’ I mouth the them and they both shrug, shaking their heads.

“Yes you have a glow, sweetie. If you don’t know yet, I’d go see a doctor to be sure.” Lynn says, obviously seeing me ask the two bozos if I had a glow. I just chocked on my pie. She thinks I’m pregnant? Good god could this be any worse?

‘Are you?’ Ryan mouths to me. My eyes grow wide and I shake my head. ‘You sure?’ he mouths again. I shrug, shaking my head again. Great now he’s on my back.

“Ok so this isn’t going the way I’d planned. Look whether she’s pregnant or not, it doesn’t matter.” he pauses for a second, “Well ok that sounded bad. It matter’s, but that’s not why you guys are here.”

He sighs, “I asked Lauren to… Marry me.”

“So she is pregnant?” Lynn asks.

“Holy shit!” Justin yells, “I don’t know! Either way we’re getting married… You ok with that?”

His parents both stayed quiet for a while before his Dad smiled and said, “Congratulations.”

“Thank you.” I smile back at him. I look over towards Lynn and she still looks a little shocked. I don’t know how much longer I can sit here and wait. I slowly stand up and start picking up the dishes off the table. Trace stands and starts to collect the dishes from his side of the table. We both walk into the kitchen, placing the dishes in the sink.

“Any chance you are pregnant? I mean it might make her snap out of it.” He says, trying to lighten up the silence.

I sigh, throwing the dishrag on the counter. She doesn’t want him to marry me. Why? What’s so wrong with me?

“Do I look pregnant? Because that would really put a damper on the fashion show I’m supposed to be in next weekend.” I whisper, reaching for the dishrag I threw. Trace places his hand over mine and I look up at him with tears in my eyes.

“You don’t look pregnant at all.” He sighs, “She’s more shocked he yelled at her then she is you two are getting married. This has nothing to do with you. She loves you. I know that because she’s told me.”

“Then why isn’t she saying anything? I know her opinion is important to Justin, even though he told me it wouldn’t matter… I know it will.”

“Like I said, she’s more shocked he yelled at her then anything. I promise everything will be fine.”

“I hope your right.”

“I usually am.” He says, bumping me with his hip, making me laugh.

She didn’t say a word. Not one damn word.

She got up from the table, walked through the kitchen without a word and locked herself in the guest room. Paul is trying to talk to Justin but I can tell he’s not listening. He looks hurt, and I don’t blame him. His mother just walked out after he told her he was getting married.

I can’t believe this is happening right now. I had a gut feeling someone would react like this, but I thought it would’ve been Ryan not his mom.

What am I going to do? I can tell you what I want to do. Cry. But that’s not what I’m going to do, I can guarantee that. The last thing I want is for Justin to worry about how I’m dealing with this… craziness.

Oh god, my thoughts aren’t even making any sense! I’m losing it. I’m actually losing my shit right now. I know Trace knows it, but he’s keeping quiet, helping me with the dishes.

“She’ll come out eventually, she’s just shocked that you yelled at her.” Paul says with a sigh.

“That’s not why she walked out of here, Dad.” Justin says, in a sad voice.

I close my eyes and sigh, tossing my dishrag in the sink. I felt a tear fall down my face and I wipe it away quickly, looking around to see if anyone saw it. Lucky me, Trace did.

“Lauren, it’s going to be ok.” He whispers to me, so they can’t hear us in the next room.

“How? She doesn’t want me to marry him. I just wish I knew why.”

“Because I’m not fond of women who think it’s ok to pose for Playboy Magazine. That‘s not really a good role model for Mackenzie.” Lynn almost growls from the kitchen doorway.

Wow. Where the hell did that come from? Playboy? Really?

“What the hell are you talking about?” Justin asks, from the dining room doorway. He sends a look my way, but I’m still shocked. Where did she get information, untrue information, like that?

“Why don’t you ask your fiancé!” She spits out like flames. Everyone turns towards me waiting for me to answer.

“I’ve never, nor will I ever pose for Playboy or any other nude magazine. I may have been nude at a photo shoot, but I‘ll never show my private parts to the world. I have a hard enough time doing the shots where I have to cover myself. I‘m not at all comfortable with just letting it all hang out there for people to see.” I say, looking Lynn dead in the eyes.

“That’s funny because you’ve already done the photo shoot for it.” She says.

“What?” Justin, Ryan and I all yell at once.

“What a second. I know everything my sister has done, and that is not one of them. Believe me I would have been there with her. I’ve been to almost every other photo shoot with her.”

“Almost being the key word.” ooh snide remark there.

“I think I would know if my sister was in Playboy.” Ryan barks back at her.

“I think I would know if I was in Playboy.”

Lynn huffs, walking out of the room again. I turn towards Justin and panic.

“I swear to you that I would never do that. I’ve never posed for the magazine ever. I’ve been asked, numerous times, but I’ve always turned them down. I don’t know what she’s talking about.”

“I believe you. Trace would have told me if you were in there, anyways.” Justin jokes, but no one laughs.

Lynn marches back into the kitchen, smacking a magazine down on the table.

“Mackenzie go to your room.” She says, glaring at me.

“But…” Mac begins but Justin stops her, asking her a little less harshly to go upstairs for a few minutes.

I pick up the magazine, which is in no way Playboy by the way. It just so happens to be Star Magazine. I flip through it until I find a picture of myself on the beach with little smiley faces over my nipples and on the space between my thighs. My eyes bug out of my head. They photo shopped a picture of me on the beach? What the hell is this shit. I was never naked on the beach looking at a camera like that.

“What is it?” Justin asks, cautiously. “Wait, is that Star Magazine? Are you seriously making a stink over something out of a Tabloid magazine? What the hell is the matter with you? When have you ever listened to a word these things say?”

“Look at the photo Justin. That’s not fake!” She yells back.

“Give me that damn thing.” he says, ripping it out of my hands.

“What the hell?” He says looking at the photo.

“Oh my god!” I gasp.

“What? Remember the photo shoot now?” Lynn asks, in a smug tone.

“Yes. But it wasn’t for Playboy and I wasn’t naked. That is me, but I was wearing a bikini in that photo. It was a... a floral bikini and the top wrapped around… it was a little weird, but I was definitely wearing one. It was really tiny, so it wouldn’t be hard to erase it from a picture. It was in the magazine for Christ’s sake. I swear to you that’s a fake photo.”

Lynn rolls her eyes at me and I groan.

“Where’s your laptop Justin?” I ask, getting pissed. If she’s going to accuse me of something, I’m going to prove her wrong.

“Baby, you don’t need…”

“Where is it Justin?” I interrupt him. He sighs, walking out of the room, returning a few minutes later with his laptop. He sets it down in front of me, but leaves his hand on the top.

“You don’t need to do this. It’s ridiculous.”

“I don’t like being called a liar.” I say flatly.

It only took me a minute, a freaking minute, to find the real photo. There is no question that’s the exact same photo. People are so stupid sometimes. If your going to do something like this, try using a picture that wasn’t already in a magazine.

I turn the computer towards Lynn and toss her the magazine.

“It’s the exact same picture only ones been toyed with. I know you’re just protecting your son, but maybe you should ask before you accuse someone of something. I’m tired, it’s been a really long day and I think I’m just going to go home.” I turn towards Ryan, “Can I catch a ride?”

He hesitates for a minute, but nods. I turn, leaving the room, making my way up to say good-bye to Mac. I knock before entering and paste on a fake smile for her.

“Hey.”

“Hey. Can I come back down now?” She ask, jumping up off the bed.

“Uh, no. You should probably stay up here until your dad comes up to get you ok?”

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going home.”

“But you are home.” She’s making it really hard to swallow the lump growing in my throat.

“I need to, uh spend some time with my brother and get away from here for a little while ok? I’ll be back.” I say, leaving out when you Grandmother leaves.

“Why is Grammy so mad?”

“I, uh, don’t… She’s fine. I love you.” I say, hugging her.

“Love you too, hurry back.”

“I will, promise.” I say, smiling.

I head back to Justin’s room to grab my purse and walk right into him. He cups my face with his hands, running his thumbs over my cheeks. The lump in my throat was getting harder and harder to swallow.

“Please don’t leave.”

I let out a shaky breath. “I can’t stay here, Justin. I’m sorry.”

A few tears finally start to fall, but I stop them just as quickly as they started. I lean up to kiss him quickly, but he held on to me not wanting to let go.

“Baby, please don’t leave.” He says, before kissing me again. He’s killing me, but I have to get out of here before I explode.

“I’m sorry.” I say pulling away, “Call me when she leaves.” I say before walking out of his room.

The ride home was thankfully very quiet. Ryan knew better than to talk to me. He kept looking over at me and sighing. It took everything in me to keep from crying. I let a few tears fall, quickly wiping them away when Ryan reached over to grab my hand.

“It’ll work out. It always does.” Ryan says, trying to be supportive.

How many chance are we going to get though. Haven’t we been through enough hoops? Did we really need this extra hoop of flames to jump through? I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I love Justin, there’s no question about that, but I don’t know if I can handle all of this crap surrounding us. I have some serious thinking to do tonight. Looks like I wont be getting as much sleep as I’d like to.

************************************************************************

“I need a Livy day. Please tell me you don’t have plans today.” I whine into the phone at 6:45 in the morning.

“Well seeing as though it is only… Christ you called me before 7? What the hell… What’s wrong LO?”

“You haven’t called me that in years.” I say, smiling for the first time in the last 14 hours from hell.

“Honey, what’s going on?” She asks, getting concerned.

“I just need a Livy day. I haven’t seen you in a while and I miss you.”

“If I get up and meet you for coffee at Big John’s place, will you tell me what’s going on?”

“If you throw in a muffin you have a deal.”

I hung up the phone, jumping up out of bed to throw on a pair of shorts and tank top. Sliding on a pair of flip-flops, I pause to look at myself in the mirror. I look terrible, but I couldn’t care less. For the first time in my life I’m heart broken and I don’t know how to deal with it. I’ve been in love before, but never like this, which is a little ridiculous because we haven’t been together all that long. Maybe we just need to take some time and if we still want to get married in 6 months or a year then we will, but I don’t know if I can go around and be happy about our engagement. I think I need to call it off. At least it would make his mother happy right? Ha, like I give a shit what his mother thinks right now. That’s a horrible lie, but I still can’t face her and she’s supposed to be here through the weekend.

I sigh, walking out to my car. I pulled into Big John‘s place. He’s been running this coffee shop in the middle of nowhere for as long as I’ve known him. He makes the best white chocolate lattes I’ve ever tasted and I’ve had my fair share of lattes over the years.

“Well would you look at that. If it’s not the most beautiful model I’ve ever seen in the flesh.” Big John says, as I walk through the door.

“I’m the only model you’ve ever met, Big John.” I say, smiling.

He laughs, “How ya doing peanut?” he asks, giving me one of his famous bear hugs.

“I’m alright.” I lie, “How are you and Miss Ruby doing?”

“Mrs. Ruby to you now sweetheart.” Ruby says, flashing her rings at me.

I grin, “And I wasn’t invited to the wedding?” I scoff, “I’m insulted.”

“We went down to City Hall. You know me, nothing fancy.” Ruby says, waving me off.

“You want your regular, not that it’s very regular anymore.” Big John asks, hinting that I haven’t been around in a while.

“I know I haven’t been around lately. I’m sorry. I miss those damn lattes though.” I say, avoiding telling him why I haven’t been around. I didn’t come here to rehash what’s wrong in my life, I want to forget about it today even if just for a few hours.

“Well, here you go then.” Ruby says, handing me my cup. “And one for you miss O.”

I turn to see a very tired Olivia, plopping down in the seat next to me.

“You’re a godsend.” She says, taking a sip of her latte.

“Thank you Miss… Mrs. Ruby. I can’t do it… You’ll always be Miss Ruby to me. Sorry Big John.”

“Mrs? When did this happen?” Olivia asks with a yawn.

“About a month ago.” Big John says, grinning. “Best day of my life, marrying this one.” He says, kissing Ruby’s temple. I smile, watching the two of them looking at each other with so much love.

“You two are too cute.” Olivia gushes. “Now, are you going to tell me why you got me out of bed at 6:45 in the morning on a Saturday… My day off from a job that is extremely stressful and takes over my life every other day of the week?”

“I’m sorry, Livy. I just really needed a girls day out.”

“LO, what’s going on?” She asks, seeing through my bullshit.

I sigh, “Justin asked me to marry him and we had dinner with his parents, Trace and Ryan last night and his mother flipped out. She doesn’t want him to marry me and I don’t know what to do. I can’t face her again, not after how she treated me in front of everyone.”

“What did she do? And when were you going to tell me you were engaged? Where’s the ring?” She asks, pulling my hand out.

“He didn’t give me one.”

“Oh honey, you deserve a ring.” Ruby says, shaking her head.

“Oh, it’s not like that. He’s getting me one. It just happened so fast, that’s all. His daughter called me mom and asked me to marry her dad. Then she asked him to ask me and to make a long story short, he did.”

“Kenz called you mom? Aww that’s so cute, but why am I the last to know all this?”

“It just happened yesterday.”

“And are your fingers broken? Did you lose my number? Was there a gag order on this news that your best friend couldn’t know about this?” She asks, obviously hurt that I didn’t tell her first like she did with me.

“Look Livy, this whole thing happened so fast I didn’t know my left from my right. My heads still spinning and I can’t seem to get it to stop. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I really need a day to forget about all this shit. Please just do some shopping with me, spend a shit load of Derek’s money and make me forget, for just a few hours, that my life is in complete chaos right now.” I plead with her.

“That’s what we do, but I think we should bring Kenz. Give me your phone.” She says, holding out her hand. I shake my head, handing her my phone.

“Well hello there. I hope that was for Lauren, because if you miss me, we may have bigger problems.” Livy says, laughing.

“She’s fine, she’s right here. I was just calling because we were going to go shopping and I wanted to see if Miss Kenzie wanted to join us. Could you ask her for me? Thanks.”

“He’s asking.” She announces to all of us, patiently waiting on the phone.

“Oh good. I’ll pick her up in a half hour. Tell her to meet me out front.”

She’s silent for a minute and she turns away from me, making my stomach do flip-flops. What is he saying? She stands walking over towards the door and I sigh.

“I can tell her, but I really don’t think it’s going to help. It needs to come from her not me.” Olivia whispers, but not low enough.

“Look, just have Kenz ready in a half hour.” She says, a little louder, “Give her some time Justin.” She whispers at the end, before hanging up.

“All set. We’ll have the kiddo in a half hour. So drink that latte and let’s get this show on the road.” She says, grinning.

“What’d he say to you, Liv?” I ask.

“That he’d have her ready.” She says with a shrug.

“Olivia Jean. What did he say to you?” I ask, a little more harshly.

She lets out a deep breath, “His mother feels horrible and apologizes for acting ridiculous, but I told him that it wasn’t going to do anyone any good if I’m the one relaying the apology. He also said that he loves you and wants you to come back home.”

“I am at home. I don’t live there.”

“Honey he loves you and wants to marry you. He’s willing to share his mansion with you. He doesn’t want you living with your brother anymore. That wouldn’t be a very good marriage.”

“Yeah well there may not be a marriage.” I mumble.

“What are you talking about? You’re not really going to let that bitch ruin your happiness are you?”

“That bitch would become my mother-in-law.”

“You think I like my mother-in-law? Honey who does? That’s kind of part of the whole marriage thing. You have to love each other, you have to trust each other and the woman hates their mother-in-law. I think it’s a rule or something.”

“But Justin and his mother at like this.” I say, twisting two fingers together in front of me. “They tell each other everything, they are like best friends. We can’t have a very good marriage if she doesn’t like me.”

“Again, what mother-in-law ever really likes their daughter-in-law? I mean we stole their sons from them.” She says, making me laugh, “Honey, don’t let her ruin your happiness. You deserve to be happy and I know Justin will make you happy. He already does.”

“I hate it when your right.” I say, sticking my tongue out at her.

We both thanked Big John and Miss Ruby for the drinks and we left in my car, leaving Liv’s at the café. I start getting nervous, turning into Justin’s neighborhood, waving at the guard when he let us pass. I pull into his driveway and my hands actually start to shake. What is wrong with me?

“You want me to go get her?” Olivia asks, noticing my nervousness.

I shake my head, “No, I can do this.” I say, taking a deep breath before stepping out of the car, making my way to the front door. I ring the door bell just as Trace opens the door.

“Whoa!” He says, laughing. “Well this is a surprise. You here for Mac?”

I nod, “You leaving?”

“Yeah, I have to go find a date for your wedding.” He says, winking.

“What wedding?” I mumble, “Is she ready?”

“L, she feels horrible.”

I put my hand up to stop him, “Don’t… Do you mind just going to see if Mac is ready?”

“Yeah.” He says with a sigh. He turns, leaving me on the front porch. I hear footsteps so I turn immediately regretting coming here.

“Hello Lauren.” Lynn says with a smile.

“Mrs. Harless.” I say dejectedly. “I’m just here to get Mac. So you don’t have to worry, I wont be here long.” I say, turning back to face the front yard.

“I really wish you would come for dinner tonight.” She says from behind me and I roll my eyes. Is this her apologizing because it’s not working.

“I already have dinner plans. Sorry.”

“Hey Mum.” Mackenzie smiles, giving me a tight hug. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“Of course. Like I could shop without you. You’re my purchasing assistant.” I say, smiling down at her. “You ready?”

She nods, enthusiastically. “Daddy gave me some money to buy some new clothes!” She says, handing me a wad of cash, “But he said you have to take it.”

I laugh, “Jeez,” I spread the hundreds out and I shake my head, “Why’d he give you so much?”

She shrugs, “He just handed me what he had in his wallet.”

I laugh again, “He needs a Debit card.”

“A what?” Mac asks, with a raised eyebrow.

“Nevermind, you ready?” She nods, running towards the car.

“That money is for Mackenzie, not you and your friend.” Lynn snarls, from behind me.

She did not just go there. Does she really think that little of me? What the hell did I ever do to her?

“Wow.” I say, turning towards her. “You know, maybe if you got to know me you’d know me better than that, but you’ve chosen to just assume what you want about me. You’re so small minded that you can’t get to know someone, you automatically think the worst of people. I’m actually a nice person and I don’t deserve this shit from you. So when you grow up and want to get to know me for me and not what you assume is me, then let me know, but until then don’t talk to me.” I say, turning, walking towards my car.

“You're just after his money and I see right through you.” She yells out to me.

I stop dead in my tracks. Holy shit, I’m about to lose my shit on this woman. A woman that just so happens to be the love of my life’s mother.

I slowly turn back towards her, with fumes coming out of my nose. I’m pissed and she’s about to find out just how much.

“I don’t need his money and I’m not that shallow. If you’d like me to prove that to you I can. I’ll show you my bank account if you’d like. I have my own money and I would never be with someone simply for their money. I knew you didn’t like me, but this is too much.” I pause to swipe away the tears running down my face.

“No matter what you think of me, I’m still in love with your son and his daughter. I love them with my whole heart and I would do anything for either one of them. I don’t know what you have against me, but what your doing is wrong. You don’t seem to realize that your not just hurting me, your hurting your son and granddaughter.” I wipe my face again and sigh.

“I wish you would stop being so selfish and take the time to get to know me. Who knows you may actually like me. I’m not the dumb model, who can’t get a job and is mooching off your son that you think I am. I’m sure I’m just wasting my breath because your too narrow minded, but I love Justin and Mackenzie and they love me. Nothing you say or do is going to change that.” I turn and walk to my car. I get in, turn the ignition and back out of the driveway in complete silence. I know the two of them are dying to know what happened, but I’m way too pissed off to talk about it right now and I think they both realize that. Either that or their too scared to talk to me. My whole body is trembling and my mind is still trying to grasp the fact that I just had it out with Justin’s mother. What the hell was I thinking?

“Who’s ready to do some shopping?” I ask, plastering on a smile for them.

The both hesitate but smile back at me.

************************************************************************

I can’t believe that shit just happened. What the hell has gotten into my mother?

I watch Lauren take off and I’m still too shocked to register what just happened. Trace and I are standing behind the door dumbstruck. My stomach is in my throat and I’m on the verge of losing either my lunch or my cool. I can’t quite figure out which one is going to come first.

“Why would your mom think something like that about her? I thought she liked Lauren!” Trace whispers to me, his eyes still bulging out of his head.

I shake my head, “I thought so too. Did that really just happen? This isn’t some horrid dream?”

“It’s one fucked up dream, that’s for sure.” Trace says, scratching the top of his head. “Holy shit. I’m… I’m… I have no idea what to say to that.”

Just then my mom comes back in and stops suddenly, obviously shocked to see the two of us standing just behind the door. She quickly recovers, pasting on a smile.

“Lauren can’t make it to dinner. She already had plans. I’m sorry, but I tried.” She says, walking off towards the living room.

“You call that trying?” I ask, in shock. Did my mother just lie to me? What has gotten into her? This is not my mother.

She stops, her body going rigid as she slowly turns towards us. “I don’t know what your talking about.”

“Really? So I just imagined you accusing my fiancé of being a gold digging whore? Wow I must be losing it.” I say, shocked. She’s just staring at me as if I hadn’t said anything at all.

“What’s gotten into you? You’re insane. You used to like Lauren. What the hell happened?”

A look of hurt flashes across her face, but is quickly replaced by blankness. “I just don’t think she’s right for you, that’s all.”

“That’s not an answer.” I growl, through gritted teeth.

She just stares at me and something clicks in my head. “Are you jealous of her?”

She doesn’t answer, but the look on her face is enough of an answer for me. She’s jealous of her. But why?

“Mom, why would you be jealous of Lauren? That’s ridiculous. You’re my mother for Christ’s sake.”

She lets out a shaky breath, “Yesterday was the first time you’ve ever talked back to me. You even yelled at me and it was over her. You’ve never done that for a woman before and it scared me. It made me realize I was losing my son.”

“You’re not losing me. You’re my mom. You’re stuck with me for the rest of your life. No woman is going to change that.”

“I’m sorry.” She says, finally looking up at me. “I really screwed up didn’t I?”

I laugh angrily, “Not only did you screw up our relationship, you may have cost me my relationship with Lauren.” I turn towards Trace, “Do you know where they were going?”

He shrugs, walking out back with me “No, but I can help you find them.”

“Thanks man.” I say, watching him grab his phone to call her.

“Hey L, You ok?” He asks, and I hold my breath waiting to see his reaction to what she says.

He laughs, “I can imagine. Where you guys at?”

He laughed? What’s that mean? I don’t have much time to think about it because he hung up smiling.

“What?”

“You’ll never guess where they are.” he says, his grin growing wider.

“Where?” I ask impatiently.

“They are currently at Saks modeling swimwear for each other. I guess they just got a shipment in and the manager asked if they’d like to try them all on.”

“Let me guess, you want to come with me to go see her?” I ask, rolling my eyes.

“Damn straight. I’m not passing up a chance to see two beautiful women in teeny bikinis.”

“Two very taken women, let me remind you.”

“No harm in looking.” He says, grinning.

“She wore an itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow polka-dot bikini…” Trace sang.

Not only did he sing that song the entire trip over to the damn store, he sang it in the store. The chick helping us find the ladies keeps shaking her head. She probably thinks he’s mentally challenged and this is one of his make a wish moments. Sometimes I wonder about this man.

Mandy… Candy… Sandy… whatever her name was, went over to another blonde bimbo. They talked for a minute before she came back over to us with a fake smile that looks like it was painted on like the rest of her face. She must have three hundred dollars worth of foundation on. It’s a little scary. Her eye make-up is just ridiculous. I swear she had to have used an entire container on just one of her eyes. She’s trying just a little too hard. From the look of her hair, I’d say she used a can of hairspray. It must have taken her at least four hours to do just her hair and make-up. I can’t even begin to figure out her outfit. The chick works at Saks for Christ sakes. You’d think she’d have to dress professionally. She has on thigh highs with a skirt that barely covers them. If her shirt was any lower I’m pretty sure I’d see her belly button. She’s kind of grossing me out.

“They should be right out. They just went back into the dressing rooms.” She says, still standing in front of us with that shit eating grin on her face. Does she want a fucking cookie for telling us that?

We walk past her to go sit on the bench by the fitting rooms. I grin when I hear her scoff behind us, and I see Trace trying hard not to laugh.

“Did you see the amount of make-up that chick had on?” Trace asks, when we sit down.

I laugh, “It had to have been three inches thick.” I say, shaking my head.

“Fuck man, and that hair. Shit I thought that style went out in the 80’s.” He says, laughing.

“She was def…” I stop short when Lauren steps out of one of the dressing rooms in one of the sexiest bathing suits I have ever seen. It was white with red polka dots all over it, and it gave a whole new meaning to string bikini. “Wow.”

“You’ve got that right.” Trace says, staring wide-eyed at Lauren and Olivia, looking at themselves in the mirror. “Do you think Olivia really loves her husband?”

“You’re fucking sick man.” I say, shaking my head at him. I stand to walk towards them, but Trace grabs my arm. I look down at him with a raised eyebrow in question.

“Dude, she’s pissed off right now. Let her have some fun.”

“You mean, let you have some more fun before I potentially ruin this fashion show?” I ask, a little disgusted.

“No, shit head. She was really pissed off when I talked to her. I just think you should give her a little more time to let off some steam.”

“While you ogle her and her friend in bikinis?”

“Sit your ass down and enjoy the show.” He says, pulling me back down onto the bench.

“They will eventually notice us, you know?” I say, shaking my head.

“Then you can piss her off then.” He says, looking back over towards the dressing rooms. I look back over and notice them both gone. They must be trying on another suit or they saw us and ran.

A minute later they came out again, only this time, Mackenzie was with them in a cute one piece suit. It was pink with yellow swirls. Lauren looked amazing. She had on a halter top bikini that made her breasts look incredible. Hot damn, does she look good. I couldn’t tell you what Olivia looks like because I can’t tear my eyes away from Lauren. I’m going to have to stop this show soon or I’m going to have to find the nearest bathroom and take care of my growing problem.

“I probably shouldn’t be turned on by this, right?” Trace asks, still staring at them.

“You better be talking about Olivia.” I say, not bothering to look at him.

“I think it’s a pretty even match.”

I turn towards him, “Do you want to get your ass kicked?”

He laughs, still not looking at me, “Whatever man. You’d have to be blind or gay to not be enjoying the both of them right now.”

“I’d prefer you not to.”

“Tough shit. She’s hot and so is her friend.”

“I’m going to kill you, you know that right?”

He laughs, “Dude, I’d never touch her. I can’t promise I wont look at her though.”

“You’re still getting your ass kicked either way.” I tell him, looking back over to the ladies. Olivia turns towards us and her eyes grow as big as saucers, and I’m pretty sure she stopped breathing.

“I think we’ve been spotted.” I say, groaning.

He ever so slightly readjusts himself before standing. I want to laugh at him, but I can’t seem to find a laugh. I’m too nervous. We both walk towards them, Mackenzie spots us and comes running to us, jumping into my arms.

“What are you doing here, daddy? Hi Uncle Trace!” She says, jumping back down to the floor. Lauren turns towards us and her smile immediately falls. My heart falls to my stomach and I want to run towards her, scoop her up in my arms, and tell her everything’s going to be ok. I want to bring her home, and pretend like this shit never happened, but I know she wont be all for that.

“Hey kiddo, why don’t you show me some more of those amazingly girlish bathing suits you have to try on.” Trace suggests, placing his hand on Mackenzie’s shoulder, gently pushing her back towards the dressing rooms. “You can show me yours too.” He says to Olivia. She rolls her eyes, before glaring at me. I nod my head at her before she turned to follow Trace and Kenzie.

“What are you doing here, Justin?” She asks, when I walk over towards her.

I sigh, “I wanted to apologize for my mother’s horrible behavior.” She starts to talk, but I cut her off, “and before you get mad and tell me it’s not my job to apologize for her, I want you to listen to what I have to say first.”

Her lips form a straight line as she nods.

“I heard what you said to her this afternoon.” I pause when her head drops to stare at the floor. “I’m not mad at you, if that’s what your thinking.”

She looks back up to me with tears in her eyes, “I yelled at your mother. How can you not be mad at me?”

“She was wrong to talk to you like that.” I sigh, “She was jealous of you.”

“What?” She asks, letting out a small chuckle. “Why would she be jealous of me? She thinks I’m a gold digger and a whore. Why would she be jealous of that?”

“She doesn’t really think those things. She was just saying them to make you leave me.” She stares at me confused, “I’ve never stood up to her like I did last night. I’ve never yelled at her over a girl and she got jealous of you. She’s never done this before. I’m sorry it had to be with you, but she knows she fucked up and she’s sorry. Again I know it means nothing coming from me and not her, but she wants to fix this.”

She scoffs, “She can’t just say she’s sorry and all will be forgiven, Justin.”

“I know that, believe me, I know that. She has a lot of work to do to fix our relationship and yours.”

“Huh?” She asks, looking at me funny.

I laugh because she’s too damn cute, “She lied to my face this afternoon. She didn’t realize we had been standing behind the door the whole time and she lied to me. She’s never lied to me. Well, not that I know of anyways. It hurt and she knows I’m angry with her over it. She’s going to have to fix my relationship with her while she fixes yours.” I explain, running my hands up and down her arms, before grabbing both of her hands in mine.

“I love you, and I’m sorry she put you through this, but I want you to come home with me. I want you to show her you’re not going anywhere. Unless of course you don’t want to.”

She takes a deep breath, “Justin, I don’t know if I can be nice to her. I really don’t want to make you uncomfortable and I really don’t want to make your dad uncomfortable either. I just don’t know how I’ll act around her and I’m sorry about that.”

“But I want you there. I want you living there. I want you to be with me and Mac everyday, showing her that she can’t break us and she wont. Please tell me she didn’t break us. I really don’t think I can handle that.” I say, squeezing her hands with mine.

“Justin, she didn’t break us. But she certainly didn’t help us either. I’m happy you stood up for me, I really am, but I can’t stay with a woman that hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you, she’s just jealous.”

“I still don’t get that. Does she not want you to ever get married or something?”

I laugh, “I don’t know, but she wants to make this right. At least show her you’re the bigger person and try. For me?” I say, sticking out my bottom lip and bat my eyelashes at her.

She laughs, “Stop it you fool.”

“Not until you say yes.”

She groans, rolling her eyes. “Fine, I’ll come for dinner, but if she can’t be nice, I’m leaving. Got it?”

I grin, “Got it.” I say, wrapping my arms around her waist, pulling her against me as I lean down to kiss her.

“How long have you been here?” She asks, pulling away a lot sooner than I liked.

“I don’t know… about three or four bikinis ago.”

She laughs, “Did you see one you liked?”

“One?” I ask, laughing, “Sweetheart, I have yet to see one I didn’t like. You look amazing in all of them. You got the both of us hard as a rock.” She laughs hysterically.

“I’m serious, I threatened Trace bodily harm if he didn’t stop ogling you.”

“You’re joking right?” She asks, still laughing.

“Hell no. At one point he asked if Olivia really loved her husband. Sick bastard.”

She laughs harder, “Oh my god! I may have to hit him for that one.”

I laugh with her, “If Olivia hadn’t noticed us he may have been beaten right here in the store.”

“So Trace thinks we’re hot?”

I glare at her, “Don’t go getting crazy ideas in that pretty little head of yours. You’re mine.”

“I haven’t made up my mind on whether or not I’m willing to take you back or not.”

“Oh nu uh little lady. You said you were coming to dinner. That meant you were taking me back… Wait when did you ever let me go?” I ask, a little confused.

She laughs, “I was joking.”

“Oh ha ha. Very funny.” I say, dejectedly.

“I’m gonna go change and save Olivia from Trace. I’ll be right back.” She says, walking back towards the dressing rooms.

Trace comes out a few minutes later with a huge grin on his face.

“What?” I ask, not really knowing if I want to know.

“Olivia’s suit wasn’t tied tight enough.” He says, grinning wider.

“You sick fucker. Did you pull the strings?”

He laughs, “No, but I enjoyed the show for a few seconds.”

“Top or bottom?” I ask, again not really knowing why I’ve asked.

“Top. Mmm She’s got some nice ones man.”

“You, my friend, are a sick, sick man.”

“Damn proud of it too.” He says, chuckling to himself.

************************************************************************

Nervous would be an understatement of how I’m feeling right now.

I know I shouldn’t be, but I can’t help but feel nervous about this. What if when his mother finally gets to know me she really doesn’t like me? I know before she was faking it, but what if she really doesn’t like who I am? I don’t think I can handle her rejection twice. Once was enough for me, and I didn’t handle that one that well.

She wasn’t home when Justin and I got back from shopping. Trace took Mackenzie out for some ice cream so she wouldn’t be around for the first meeting, but she wasn’t here. I was changing upstairs when she got home and Justin went down to talk to her, while I stayed up here like a coward. It’s not that I’m scared of her or anything, I just don’t know how I’m going to react around her and I really want to try and do this for Justin.

“Are you coming down?” Justin asks, walking into the bedroom.

I shake my head and he laughs, “You can’t hide up here all night. She knows you’re here.”

I pout making him laugh again, “Baby, come on. Let’s get this over with.”

“I’m not responsible for anything bad that comes out of my mouth then.” I say, standing up for the bed.

He laughs, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

We both walk downstairs hand in hand, making our way into the Dining Room.

“Lauren, it’s nice to see you darlin’.” Paul says, giving me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He certainly knows how to make me feel a little more comfortable.

“Dinner’s almost ready.” Lynn says from the doorway.

This is my chance. “Do you need any help?” I ask, very nicely, I might add. Justin and Paul both held their breath behind me and I almost laughed. What do they think I’m going to kill her in the kitchen?

Lynn looked a little surprised too, “I-I- I would love… I would love some help. Thank you.” She stumbled out. I genuinely smiled at her, no faking needed. I’m actually going to try hard for Justin.

I walk past her into the kitchen and she slowly followed.

“What can I do?” I ask, turning back towards her.

“Well, uh… You can bring the salad out to the table.” She suggested, still a little hesitant with me.

I smile, “Ok.” I pick up the salad off the table and start back towards the Dining Room.

“I’m sorry for they things I said to you, Lauren.” She says, quietly behind me. I stop, taking a deep breath before turning back towards her.

“You were right. You didn’t deserve any of what I said or did to you and I want to apologize. I’m not normally like this, but I let myself get jealous and I know that sounds childish and foolish, but it’s true. I was actually jealous of you and your relationship with my son.”

I stay quiet, waiting to see if she has more to say.

“I’ve always been his number one girl and for the first time I didn’t feel like I was anymore. I know that sounds ridiculous, but we’ve always been really close. The other day was the first time he put a woman over me and it scared me. I thought I was losing my son. I realize now, I was being ridiculous. I’m not losing my son. I’m gaining an amazing daughter-in-law. I’m not just saying that to get on your good graces, because believe me, I don’t think I will be for a long while.” She pauses for a second before continuing.

“I want to get to know you. I want us to be friends. From what I’ve heard about you, you seem like a pretty amazing person and if you’ll let me, I’d like to know more about who you really are.”

“Are you willing to do that or are you just going to judge me on who you already think I am?” I ask, not being able to help myself.

“I never really thought of you that way. I said those things to try and push you away from Justin.”

“Nothing you say or do can push me away from him.” I state.

“I know that now and believe me I will never try again.” She says, but I still can’t find it in me to believe her.

“Until you find something else you don’t like about me?” I ask.

She sighs, “I know it’s going to be hard, but I want to show you I’m not the bitch you think I am. If Justin loves you, I’m pretty sure there isn’t a thing about you that I wont love too. Just give me another chance.”

I clench my jaw, not wanting to give in to her. I know I have to eventually and it will probably be easier to do it now. I’m just not looking forward to it.

“Fine… but I want you to know I’m doing this for Justin not you.”

She nods, “I know.”

I turn, walking back into the Dining Room with the salad, placing it on the table. I take a seat next to Justin and he runs his hand up and down my thigh before grabbing a hold of my hand.

“You ok?” he whispers in my ear. I nod, not really wanting to talk about it anymore right now. Thankfully he got the hint and let it go as his mother came in, placing the rest of the food on the table.

“Looks amazing dear.” Paul says, smiling up at her. She smiles back, sitting down next to him.

That was the last thing anyone said through the whole meal.

Yeah, this is going well…

So, dinner didn’t really go as everyone had planned. No one really talked, unless you call Lynn and Paul whispering to each other talking. They weren’t really even talking, he was doing the whole whispering-yelling thing but she wasn’t having it. For some reason she’s not really trying as hard as Justin and I had hoped.

I decided to skip dessert, retiring to Justin’s room to wait for him to dish it out with his parents. I could tell he was upset that she hasn’t made any attempt to try and fix this mess she created. I guess she did try a little in the kitchen, but it wasn’t exactly the best apology I’ve ever received.

I guess I’m not really trying all that hard to fix this either, but really it’s not my job. She is the one who made this mess and she’s going to be the one to clean it up.

I unzip my dress, letting it fall to the floor, kicking it into the corner of the room. I grab one of Justin’s shirts, ripping it over my head with a huff. I don’t want to be here with her around and I know if I leave it’s only going to upset Justin and Mackenzie and that’s the last thing I want to do.

I climb into bed, pulling the comforter up to my neck, nuzzling into the pillow. I think I just need to sleep it off, maybe by the time I wake up everything will be good again and we can all go on with our lives drama free.

Fat chance.

I close my eyes, just as the door opens. I pretend to be asleep, listening to him rustle around the room as quietly as possible. I hear his clothes hit the floor right before the bed dips from his weight. He slides under the comforter snuggling up to me from behind, wrapping an arm around my waist.

“You asleep?” He whispers against my shoulder.

“Yes.” I whisper back, making him laugh.

“I’m sorry about dinner.”

“Not your fault.”

“I know, but I’m still sorry you had to sit through all that.”

I sigh, “What took you so long to come up to bed?”

“Dad and I had another talk with Mom.”

“Oh?” Trying hard not to act interested. Yeah, like I’m not interested.

“She said she didn’t have anything to say. She said everything in the kitchen with you already.” I shake my head.

“So she can’t have a normal conversation with me?”

“That’s exactly what Dad said.” he said, running his hand up my thigh and under my-his shirt resting it on my hip. He began to lazily draw circles with his thumb before gently squeezing my hip.

“I agreed to work on this, but I told her I was doing it for you not her. Apparently that’s not good enough?”

“I don’t think she’s gotten over her jealousy yet. She needs to work on that before she can work on fixing our relationship.” He scooted back, pulling me with him, turning me to face him. He runs his knuckles down my jaw line, his eyes following his hand movements. “I asked her to go home.”

I freeze, my eyes bugging out of my head, “You what?”

He laughs, “I sent her home. I told her she can come back when she grows up.”

I can’t help it, but I actually start crying. No one’s ever stood up for me before. Well besides Ryan of course, but he‘s my brother and that‘s completely different. Boyfriends have never really been there like Justin. They all claimed to love me, but in the end it turned out to be a crock and things didn’t always end well for me. With Justin, it just seems so different. He’s amazing to me and I feel like for the first time, someone actually cares about me for me and not my looks or whatever it was those pricks wanted from me.

“Why are you crying?” he asks, running his thumbs over my cheeks.

“You stood up to her again… because of me.”

He smiles, “Is that a bad thing?”

“Well, no, but…”

“No buts. I love you Lauren. I don’t take kindly to people treating you badly and I’m not going to let it go just because she’s my mother. It’s worse that it’s my mom. I’m not going to put up with anyone treating you badly, so get used to it.”

“I know but…” He squeezes my lips shut with his fingers, laughing

“I said no buts. Unless of course it’s your butt.” He says, slapping his hand on my ass.

“Justin!” I squeak, smacking his arm. He slaps my ass again before putting his serious face on again.

“I love you Lauren and nothings going to change that.”

“What if what she was saying was true?”

“Is it?” He asks with a smile.

“Of course not, but I’m just saying… If it was true, you would leave.”

“But nothing is going to make me stop loving you.”

I grin, “Not buts… Unless of course it’s yours.” I say smacking his ass. My hand freezes. He’s not wearing anything. He’s… naked. I look up at him and see him grinning back at me.

“You run out of underwear?” I ask, trying hard not to smile.

He shook his head.

“We’re you hot?” I ask, biting my bottom lip, still trying not to smile.

He shook his head.

“I was only gone for a night, but did you decide to stop wearing pajamas to bed?” I ask, lifting my leg, draping it over his hip, making it so his dick was mere inches from home.

He moaned, shacking his head.

“You think your gonna get lucky?”

He grins, nodding. “But I don’t think… I know.” he says, running his fingers over my wet panties.

He moans, “Yeah, I’m definitely getting lucky.”

He slid two gorgeously long fingers around my panties, quickly sliding them inside me in one clean swoop, making my breath lock in my throat and my inner muscles tighten.

He rubbed his thumb against my clit, making me jump a little with surprise. Wetness pooled between my legs, and I’m completely shocked there isn’t a river running down my thighs at this point.

He slowly plunged his fingers in and out while pressing his thumb in circles around my clit. I seriously doubt I’ll last much longer with the way he’s hitting every little spot at just the right time.

“Come for me darlin’.” He whispers in my ear, coaxing me.

“I want to come with you.” I moan out, gasping as he thrusts faster into me.

“You will, but I want you to come for me now too, baby.” He says, leaning forward, nipping my nipple through his shirt. I cried out as my body began to tremble from the waves of pleasure running through my body as he pulled his fingers out, thrusting them back in all while nipping at my nipples through his shirt. My hips start moving in rhythm with is hand, riding out the waves of my orgasm.

“Fuck, you’re so gorgeous when you come.” He whispers, before pulling his hand away from my body only to grab me, pulling me on top of him. He quickly lifts his shirt up off me, tossing it aimlessly to the floor. He pulls at my panties, ripping them off me, tossing them aside. He grabs my hips, lifting me until his cock rested at my entrance, before thrusting his hips upward, plunging into me.

“Oh god…” I moan, trying my hardest to stay upright. I slowly start to rise off him, but he stops me midway.

“Stop for a second.” He groans, squeezing his eyes shut.

“You ok?” I ask, squeezing my inner muscles around him.

He groans, “I’m not going to last very long with you doing that, darlin’.”

“Isn’t that the object of this. To make you come.” I say, squeezing him again a few more times. He pulls me back down onto him before letting loose, thrusting long and hard into me.

“No… The object is to get you to come as many times as I can before I do.” He says, all while fucking the shit out of me, sending waves of pleasure I had forgotten even existed, through my body.

“We have… different… goals…”

“We have the same goal, to make each other come… we just have different… steps on how to get there.” he says, reaching up to play with my nipples again.

“Oh God, Justin… I’m so close.”

“Fuck… So am I baby. Come for me.”

I certainly did and then some. I can’t remember a time when I came that hard. I was barely through my first orgasm when Justin grunted, whispering my name as he came in me, causing yet another orgasm to rush through my body.

We both laid there for a while, catching our breath. Justin pulled me down beside him, wrapping his arm around my shoulders as I rested my head on his chest, lazily running my hand up and down his stomach.

“I love you baby girl.” he says, kissing the top of my head.

“I love you baby boy.” I say, kissing his chest, giggling. We both fell asleep within minutes.

I woke up the next morning feeling absolutely amazing. I had been so stressed the past two day, it felt amazing to finally be relaxed. I know it’s not going to last past the doorway, but for now it’ll do.

Justin was snoring away beside me and I couldn’t help but smile. He’s not a snorer normally, but he has the beginning of cold coming on, which makes me extremely happy because I know it’s coming my way, I just wish I knew when because next week wouldn’t be a good time for me to be sick.

I’m relaxed, I have an outrageously sexy man who loves me, lying next to me and I’m laying here thinking about getting sick? What the hells the matter with me? I should be thinking about better things to pass this time then thinking about getting sick.

I very slowly run my hand down his chest, over his stomach, stopping to grab a hold of his semi-hard dick. He groans as I slowly begin to stroke him.

“Morning.” I whisper in his ear.

“Mmmm… That it is.” He says, grinning but not opening his eyes.

“I was getting lonely, laying here watching you sleep.” I say, still stroking him just the way he likes it.

“Feel free to wake me like this anytime darlin’.” he says, still not opening his eyes. That’s until someone knocks on the door before trying to open it.

“Did you locked the door?” I ask, halting my hands movements.

He groans in protest, “Yes, please don’t stop.” I slowly start to move my hand up and down his shaft when someone knocks again.

“Jesus fucking Christ…” Justin grunts, sitting up. I pull my hand away, lying back down, pulling the sheet up to cover me. Justin got up, pulling on his jeans before answering the door.

“What?” He asks, opening the door.

“I need to talk to you.” Trace says, pushing his way into the room.

“Now’s not the best time.” Justin tries to push him out, but he made it through anyways.

He pauses, grinning over at me, “Morning L.”

I roll my eyes, “Morning T.”

Justin smacks him in the back of the head, grabbing his attention. He quickly turns back toward Justin still grinning.

“What did you want shithead?”

“Your parents didn’t leave last night. Your mom refused to get on a plane with you mad at her so she’s still here… in the guest bedroom. Well I guess right now she’s in the kitchen, but whatever. She’s still here.”

“Tell her to leave.”

Trace laughs, “Yeah right. She’s not my fucking mother.”

“Close enough.” Justin says, scratching the top of his head.

“I’m not kicking your mother out of your house. That’s fucking stupid.”

“You checking out my fiancé with me standing right behind you was fucking stupid, but you did it anyways. What’s the difference?”

“Your fiancé is hot and…” He turns his head towards me grinning, “I’m pretty positive she’s naked.”

Justin smacks his head again, “Stop fucking looking at her.” He groans walking over towards the dresser pulling out one of his shirts, tossing it to me.

“Put that on.”

I laugh, “Why? We aren’t going to finish what he interrupted?”

“Oh please, don’t stop on my account. I have no problem watching.”

“You have a fucking death wish don’t you?” Justin asks, smacking the side of Trace’s head again.

“Fuck. Knock it off. I’m going to get brain damage if you don’t stop it.” Trace says, rubbing his hand over the spot Justin just hit.

“Get out man.” Justin says, rolling his eyes.

“Oh come on. You have some weird fantasy like that right Laur? You want someone to watch you while you fuck Justin?” Trace asks, dodging Justin’s fist.

I can’t help but laugh, “Sorry Trace, I only have a fantasy about a threesome with another woman.”

They both stopped what they were doing to turn towards me. Both of their faces are priceless.

“What?” They both squeaked out at the same time.

I shrug innocently, doing a damn fine job at keeping a straight face.

“Seriously?” Trace asks with a raised eyebrow, “Please tell me I can watch that.”

I bust out laughing, “You two look priceless.” I laugh even harder, “It was a joke you sick fucks. Jesus.”

“Oh you just broke my heart darlin’.” Trace says, turning to leave, slamming the door behind him.

Justin slowly walks over to the bed, crawling up over me, leaning down to kiss me.

“Were you serious?” he asks, still a little shocked.

I laugh again, “No. sorry to burst your bubble.”

He laughs, “No… No bubble burst here… I can’t honestly say I’d be ok with sharing you with anyone, even if it was another lady.”

I roll my eyes, “Yeah because it’s not every man’s dream to see his girl with another girl.”

“It may have been back in the day for me, but I honestly wouldn’t be ok having somebody else get you off while I watched. It would kill me.”

“Well it’s a good thing it wont ever happen then right?” I ask, grinning up at him.

“Very good thing.” he says, leaning back down to kiss me.

“Got you hard thinking about it though, didn’t it?” I ask, breaking the kiss.

“Baby, I’m always hard for you.”

“Well, then we better put that to good use.”

“Mmmm no use wasting a good thing right?” He say, nibbling on my neck.

“Right.”

Have I mentioned lately how much I enjoy being with this incredibly gorgeous man lying next to me?

Well, I do.

We have spent the better part of the morning screwing like bunnies and I can’t say I have any complaints about it at all. The one thing I would’ve liked to change about this whole thing was the fact that his mother was downstairs. I really could’ve done without that.

Justin looks dead tired and with good reason, so I guess now would be a good time to take the bull by the horns and go talk to Lynn about what’s up her ass. I promise to be nicer once I get down there, but right now I’m in a shitty mood about this whole thing… Bitch has seriously fucked up my week and I want to know why, because I’m not buying this whole jealousy shit.

I grab a pair of shorts from my pile of clothes in the closet, pulling them on, throwing one of Justin’s t-shirts over my head before making my way down death row to go have this talk with the bitch.

“Good morning, Lauren. How’d you sleep?” Paul asks as I walk into the Kitchen.

“Good morning… I slept really well, how about you?” I ask with a smile.

“Like a baby.” He says, glancing over at Lynn. She shoots him a look that plainly says get the hell out of here now. I roll my eyes as he scrambles out of his seat quickly saying good-bye before leaving the room.

“And how did you sleep, Lynn?” I ask as sweetly as I could. I pour myself a cup of coffee, sitting down at the island.

“Cut the small talk.”

I almost chocked on my coffee at her harsh tone, “Excuse me?”

“Have you ever cheated on my son?”

My eyes grow wide, “Of course not.”

“Have you ever cheated on any man?”

“No.”

“Have you ever slept with a married man?”

I shake my head, “No… What is with you?”

“I’m just trying to figure out if you’re anything like your mother.”

My eyes start immediately watering and I’m pretty sure my heart stopped. Did… Did she just say my mother? How could she possibly know my mother? I don’t even know her.

“Are those guilty tears?” She asks, rather snide.

“No… how do you know my mother?” I ask in a whisper.

“She tried to steal my husband away from me. She was doing a really fine job of it too.”

“What are you talking about?”

“About 18 years ago, your mother, decided she was going to put her trashy paws into my husband. She got him drunk at a bar and took him back to her motel. I’d like to hope I don’t need to draw you a picture of what she did to him, but needless to say, your whore of a mother fucked her way into my marriage.”

“Oh my god…” I say in horror, my hand smacking over my mouth.

She has to be mistaken. How does she know it was my mother? How could this have happened? Hold the phone… Paul cheated on Lynn? Holy shit!

“Is that all you have to say? Your mother almost cost me my marriage and I refuse to let your family ruin mine. You will stay away from my son. I will pay you what ever you want just like I did your mother and you two can leave us alone. I don’t ever want to see you around my son or my granddaughter again, do you understand?” She asks and I just stare at her in horror, “Now, name your price.”

I shake my head, “You…” I try to talk, but words just aren’t forming. What the hell is happening? Justin’s father slept with my mother? How the hell does that even happen? I know it’s not his biological father, but still. Shit, this is just insane. How the hell did this happen?

“How… how do you know… my mother?” I finally get out.

“I hired a PI to find her and find out everything about her. Your name along with your brothers and sisters names came up.”

A whoosh of air just flew out of my lungs, “Brothers and… sisters? I… I… I only have Ryan.”

She pulls a piece of paper out of her back pocket, unfolds it and tosses it in front of me. I glance down at the paper and gasp.

This can’t possibly be happening right now. I have two sisters and a brother that I had no idea I even had? Why would a woman keep having kids after leaving me and Ryan to live with our dad? Were we not good enough for her? Is she taking care of her other kids or were they abandoned like we were? I have so many questions, my heads spinning and I’m suddenly feeling nauseous.

I look up at Lynn, tears pouring down my face, “Is this real?”

“It’s very real. Don’t act like you had no idea about them or your mother.”

I gasp, trying desperately to remember how to breathe, “I haven’t seen my mother since I was five.” I said in a whisper.

“Don’t lie to me you little whore.”

I sob into my hands, trying to wrap my head around all of this, “I… I… She left me and Ryan when I was five. I… I haven’t seen her since. Not even at my father’s funeral.” I tried to take a deep breath, but it only made me cry harder, “I didn’t even know these people existed… I didn’t know…” I trailed off into another sobbing mess.

“What the hell… Lauren?” Justin says, wrapping his arms around me, “What did you say to her now?” He growls towards his mother.

“I… I thought she… I thought she knew…” Lynn says, and I can hear the shock in her voice.

“You thought she knew what? What the fuck is going on?” He yells, pulling back from me. “Baby, what’s the matter?”

I grab the paper with shaking hands and pass it to him. He looks at me confused before looking down to read it.

“What the fuck is this?” He looks up at his mother, “Where did you get this?”

“I hired a PI to get information on her mother.”

“How the fuck did you know her mother…” He looks down at the paper then back up at her, “18 fucking years ago? What the hell is going on?”

“I cheated on your mother.” Paul says from the doorway.

Justin’s eyes go wild, “You what?” He growls.

“It was 18 or 19 years ago now. It was the biggest mistake of my life.” He says, walking towards Lynn, stopping when he got next to her.

“What does this Tina person have to do with anything?” he asks looking from his parents to me and back again.

“Tina’s my mother… Apparently she’s the one that he slept with.” I answer, finally gathering air back into my lungs.

“And these other people on here?” He asks, confused.

“Apparently, Ryan and I have two sisters and a brother out there somewhere.” I say, beginning to sob all over again.

“I… Why did you show this to her?” He asks his mother, still trying to figure this whole mess out.

“I thought she knew.” She whispered again.

“Wait… Is this what this whole fucked up mess has been about? Lauren’s goddamn mother that abandoned her over 21 years ago?” He asks, obviously getting seriously pissed off.

When his mother doesn’t answer he goes off, “You’ve been pissed off at Lauren because your husband fucked her mother? What in the hell does that have to do with Lauren? She was… what? 7 or 8 at the time? How in the fuck does that give you the right to take out your past insecurities on her? She did nothing! She didn’t make your husband fuck another woman… She didn’t make her mother seduce him… I don’t get it. Why the hell have you been treating her like shit because of something that has absolutely nothing to do with her?”

“I thought she knew.” She whispered again.

“You’ve already fucking said that!” Justin yells, the veins in his neck starting to bulge out.

“Don’t yell at your mother like that.” Paul yells back.

“You stay the fuck out of this. This is all your goddamn fault. All because you couldn’t keep you dick in your pants. So you just stay the fuck out of all of this.” Justin yells, pointing his finger at him.

“Justin…” Paul warns.

“I said stay the fuck out of this you fucking...” He growls back.

“I’m sorry… Lauren, I… I thought you knew… I was wrong and I’m.. I’m so sorry.” Lynn interjects.

I look up at her and I can see the pain in her eyes and I know she really means it this time. I nod at her, trying hard to stop crying again.

“I need to talk to Ryan.” I whisper to Justin and the crazed look on his face falls. Now all I see is sympathy and I don’t think I like that any better.

“Come on.” He says, extending his hand. I hesitate for a moment, but take his hand, letting him lead me back up to his room. I immediately fall on the bed, rolling myself into a ball with my knees up against my chest and I start sobbing again.

Justin lies down in front of me, pulling me against him a few minutes later, running his hands up and down my back not saying a word. I know he wants to talk to me and tell me it’s going to be ok, but he knows it would be a lie.

************************************************************************

“What the fuck is going on? I heard Lauren sobbing in the background and now you wont let me see her? What the fuck happened this time?” Ryan yells, barreling into the house.

Lauren cried herself to sleep in a matter of minutes and I’ve been waiting on the front porch for Ryan to get here since. I figured if I could talk to him first it would soften the blow when he gets to talk to Lauren.

“Look Ryan… You may want to sit down for this.”

“I don’t want to fucking sit down. Tell me why I heard my sister crying and now you wont let me see her, Justin.”

“She found out some things today about your mother.”

“My what?” he screeched.

“To make a long story short… My mom had a PI look into your mother about 18 years ago and she found some things out about your mom and showed them to Lauren this morning. Lauren isn’t taking it well.”

His face goes hard, “What did it say?”

I sigh, “I think Lauren should tell you, but she fell asleep and I think she needs to sleep.”

“Then you tell me.” He all but growls.

“I don’t think…”

He grabs my shirt, pushing me against the wall, “You either tell me now or I’ll beat it out of you. Which do you want?”

I sigh, “Put me down Ryan. This isn’t going to make things better. It will only upset your sister even more.”

He slams me against the wall again, “Tell me!” He yelled.

“Hey! Ryan, dude, chill out.” Trace says, walking towards us.

“Not until someone tells me what the fuck’s going on.” Ryan says, gripping my shirt a little harder.

“Well, let’s put Justin down first, then we can talk about what’s bothering your sister.” Trace suggests.

Ryan hesitantly loosens his grip on my shirt before finally letting go. “What’s going on?”

“I really think Lauren should tell you. I don’t feel right telling you.” I say, readjusting my shirt.

“Where is she?” He barks.

“She’s upstairs.” He was off before I could even get the words out of my mouth. I ran up the stairs two steps at a time behind him, stopping at the door to my room to listen.

“Lauren?” Ryan sits on the edge of the bed, slightly shaking Lauren.

“Ryan?” She asks, groggily.

“Yeah, sweetie…”

She immediately started to cry and it broke my heart. I wish I could make this whole mess go away, but I’m not a genie and unfortunately Lauren doesn’t get three wishes.

“She’s still fucking up my life.”

“What happened Laur?” He asks, lying down next to her.

“We have two sisters and a brother… and apparently she slept with Justin’s dad.”

“Huh.”

That’s it? That’s all he has to say?

“Ryan?”

“If they have anything to do with that woman, they aren’t my family.” He says with a sigh.

“But…”

“Not buts Lauren. I don’t want to know about them, I don’t want anything to do with them. She left me when I was 8 years old. You don’t forget something like that and you don’t easily forgive something like that. When she left, she was no longer apart of my life. Whatever she did when she left has nothing to do with me and I want nothing to do with it.”

“I don’t have a choice. Her decisions have made my life hell. She slept with Justin’s dad. His mother has been holding it against me like I had something to do with it. I don’t know what to do anymore. She hasn’t been my mother since I was five and somehow she still manages to screw up my life.”

“Does Justin not want to be with you because Tina slept with his dad?” Ryan asks and I hope to god she knows I would never leave her over that.

“No, but his mother hates me because of it.” She says, bursting out crying again.

“If he loves you as much as I think he does, it wont matter what his mother thinks.”

“He’s right.” I say, making myself known to the room. Ryan looked up and smiled. Quick change from the crazy beast that wanted to kick my ass downstairs.

“I love you Lauren, nothing is ever going to change that. Especially something that the woman that gave birth to you may or may not have done in the past. It has nothing to do with you and it doesn’t change how I feel in the least.” I say, sitting down on the opposite edge of the bed as Ryan.

“I’m sorry about your dad.” She says, wiping her face with the sleeves of her shirt.

“It has nothing to do with you so don’t worry your pretty little head about it. It happened 19 years ago. You can’t change the past, but we certainly can make sure the future turns out better.” She sighs, and I run my hand down her cheek, “As long as my future has you in it, I’ll be happy… But what will put a smile back on your face?”

“I’ll be ok. I’m just still shocked that’s all.” She says, sitting up to face me.

“Well,” I start, leaning over, pulling something out of the side table before continuing, “Maybe this will speed things up.” I say, handing her the box. She stares at me for a minute before slowly opening the little blue box. A whole new set of tears fall down her face only this time they bring out that beautiful smile I fell in love with.

“It’s beautiful.” She says, smiling up at me.

“It’s not half as beautiful as you, but I didn’t think it was too bad.” I say, grinning at her. She loves my corniness. I grab the ring out of the box, a beautiful 2 carat princess cut diamond with ¼ carat diamonds all along the band, picking up her left hand slowly sliding the ring on her finger.

“You can keep it on two conditions.” I says, kissing the ring on her finger.

“Oh yeah? And what’s that?” she asks, smiling that beautiful smile again.

“One; you have to promise to spend the rest of your life letting me love you.”

“Ok… and two?” She asks, biting her lower lip.

“You have to smile like this at least once a day for the rest of your life.”

“You know… You’re the only man that could make her smile like that. Please promise me you’ll give her a reason to smile like this every day for the rest of your life.” Ryan says in an all too serious tone.

“I can certainly promise to do everything in my power to keep that smile on her face.”

“And I will try my hardest to smile everyday for the both of you.” She says, patting both of our legs with her hands.

“I love you guys, more than you will ever know.”

“And we love you.” Ryan and I say at the same time making us all laugh.

In a nutshell… Last night sucked.

Ryan ended up leaving a little while after Justin gave me my beautiful ring, which by the way (girlie squeal), Wow! Anyways, I’m a little confused about how Ryan reacted to hearing we have more siblings out there somewhere. I know he will always have this huge grudge against Tina, but those kids don’t know about us and I can’t really hold that against them.

I don’t think I’m going to go out of my way to try and find them, but if one day I do stumble upon one of them, I’m not going to act like I don’t know or don’t care, because I do. I care a lot. They are my family.

Ryan reacted like he had known though, but he wouldn’t do that to me right? He wouldn’t hide that kind of information from me would he? No, that’s insane. I think he was just shocked and angry.

Right?

Aww shit. Would he?

“Would he what?” Justin asks from behind me. My eyes snap open realizing I said that out loud.

“Lauren?”

I sigh, “Do you think Ryan knew about them?”

He stays silent for a minute and the knot in my stomach twists. Shit he thinks he did too.

“I think he was just a little shocked.” He finally answers.

“That’s not what you really think.” I say just above a whisper.

He sighs, kissing my shoulder, “I think his reaction was a bit odd, but I don’t know if it means he knew.”

“But you think he might’ve?”

He sighs again, “Yeah.”

“Why wouldn’t he tell me then?” I ask, tears falling down my face onto the pillow.

“Baby, we don’t even know if he really did. I think you should just ask him.”

“Hmm…” I turn around in his arms, “Do you mind if I spend the day with Olivia?”

I see a flash of disappointment in his eyes, but it quickly recedes, “Of course not.”

I smile, weakly, “Thanks. I just need to get out and not think about any of this for a few hours. I’m sorry.”

He kisses my forehead, “Don’t be sorry.”

“Is our relationship ever going to get easy? ” I ask against his chest, pulling him closer to me.

He chuckles, pulling my head back to look at me “I love you Lauren. I’m here if you want to talk about this or if you want help forgetting about this.” he says winking at me.

I laugh, “Well I certainly want to forget about all of this so, what do you have in mind?”

************************************************************************

“Wow… I mean… Wow… atleast you got amazing sex out of all of this drama.” Olivia says after I ranted on and on for the last hour about what happened last night.

“Livy!”

“It’s true. Sex with that man can’t possible be bad.” She says, chewing on a fry.

“It’s not, but did you have to announce to the whole diner that I had sex this morning?” I harshly whispered across the table at her.

She rolls her eyes, “You’re with Mr. SexyBack… Hello, these people know you have sex as often as possible without me announcing it to them.”

“I do not!” I say, wide eyed.

“Then you are one stupid woman.” she says, shaking her head, “Hey, what did you say your… those kids names where?” She asks, taking a sip of her latte.

“Holly, Hannah and William.” I say, biting my bottom lip.

“I still can’t believe this. You’ve had sibling out there you had no idea about for the last 20 years… and to top it off, Justin‘s mother is the one that tell you about them…” She says, trailing off.

“Yeah… Lynn keeps apologizing, and I guess I can’t really be that mad at her over this.”

“She was a raging bitch to you for something you had nothing to do with. You have every right to be deeply pissed off about this. Fuck that bitch.”

“That bitch is going to be my family soon.”

“Derek’s mother’s my family and I still think she’s a bitch. I told you, it comes with the territory.” She says, popping a fry in her mouth.

“But it’s not even her thinking I was just like Tina, It was the fact she couldn’t even ask me about her. She just jumped to conclusions. Oh and she keeps casually mentioning that she thinks I’m pregnant. Do I really look like I am?” I stand lifting up my shirt for her to look, “I have a fashion show this weekend and having a baby bump may put a damper on that.”

“You’re still your tiny self.” She says, popping another fry.

“Me? Livy you’re the tiny one.” I say, dropping the hem of my shirt letting it fall back down in place.

“Not for long.” She mumbles.

“Well if you keep eating that entire plate of loaded fries, your probably right.” I say, snatching a fry.

She sighs, “Lo… I think I’m pregnant.”

My eyes bug out of my head, “You what?”

“I’m late.”

“For what?” I ask then shake my head, “I’m so dumb sometimes… ok so you’re late…have you taken a test yet?”

She shakes her head, “I’m too scared.”

“Of what?”

“Derek.”

“Derek? Oh please, the man would be ecstatic about you being pregnant.” I say, snatching another fry from her.

“Will you do it with me?”

I laugh, “Why? I’m not pregnant.”

“How do you know? Maybe mommy dearest is right. Might as well check it out right?”

“You’re serious?” I ask, wide eyed.

“Please? I can’t do this alone Lo.” She’s giving my those damn puppy dog eyes.

“I don’t see the point in me taking one, but if it will make you happy. Why not. My life couldn’t get any more fucked up than it is right now, right?”

“Sure… let’s go.” She says, tossing a few bills on the table, grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the diner.

“Where’s the fire?” Trace asks, as Olivia barrels into him at the door.

“Whoa!” She yells, stumbling backwards.

“Hey T.” I say, pulling my hand out of Olivia’s.

“Where are you two off to in such a rush? Let me guess, Bikinis on clearance? Do you need any help picking one out? I’m free this afternoon.”

“You’re an insane little midget you know that?” Olivia says, laughing.

He shrugs, “Darlin’, you ever need help picking out lingerie, please don’t hesitate to call me. You either Miss L.” He says, winking at me.

“You can see me in lingerie all over the internet big guy.” I say shaking my head.

“Eh, seeing it in person is so much better.” he grins, looking me up and down, his gaze traveling over to Olivia and she growls.

“Look you fucking perver…” I smack my hand over her mouth shaking my head.

“I’ll see you later T.” I say, pulling her out of the diner. He just laughs, walking up to the counter.

“Gah, That man is such a dick.” She yells once we get to the car.

“He’s just horny and we happen to be two very good looking individuals.” I say, sitting down in the car, slamming the door.

“Yeah, very taken, good looking individuals.” She says, rolling her eyes.

“So… convenient store?” I ask, starting the car.

“No, I have every test made at home. Let’s just go there.” She mumbles, twiddling with her thumbs.

The car ride to the house was pretty intense. She was incredibly nervous and the closer I got to the house, I started to get nervous. I pulled in and we both jumped out of the car. We made out way into her house, tossing our purses on the table. She grabbed a Godiva bag out of the cabinet and passed it to me.

“Chocolate isn’t going to solve our problems sweetie.”

“It’s not chocolate.” She says with a sigh. I open it and find a shit load of pregnancy test and I can’t help but laugh.

“Why?” I ask.

“Derek can’t eat chocolate. It makes him shit something fierce so I figured it was a safe place to hide them.” She says, grabbing three tests, reading the instructions on the side panel.

“Wow… Way too much information on Derek. Thanks… I’ll take this one I guess.” I say, pulling out… EPT, the digital kind even. Oooh double pack. That means I get to pee on two sticks. Yeah!

“Take this one too. You never know.” She says passing me a First Response package. Great, four sticks to pee on. I hope I have enough to cover all of them.

“Good luck.” she says, walking back towards hers and Derek’s bedroom.

“mmm.” Luck… Yeah that’s exactly what I want. Luck on a pregnancy test.

Ok so I’ll admit, I’m scared shitless and I honestly don’t want to know right now if I am or not, but I can’t not do it. I could always splash some water on it and say I peed… No that’s stupid. I’m not pregnant so it’s not going to matter what I do.

I walk down the hallway to the bathroom. I do my thing, which by the way, is really difficult peeing on one stick let alone four, but I did it. I hear a knock at the door and I open it to see Olivia holding her tests. It looks like she took about eight of them too. She placed them on the other side of the sink and we sat in silence on the edge of her tub for three minutes. The box said two, but we got nervous and waited an extra minute.

“Ok… You go first.” She says, turning towards me.

“ME?” I screech, “Why me?”

“Because you’re the one that doesn’t think it’ll be positive.”

“But what if it is?” I ask, turning towards her.

“Fuck… Who’s going to go first?”

“We could do it at the same time.” I suggest, knowing I’m walking over to the counter with my eyes closed.

“I guess that could work… Or you could look at mine and I could look at yours.” She suggests.

“Or we can pretend we didn’t just pee on a stick and walk out of here and go eat some ice cream.” I say, pouting.

“Not happening. I need to know Lo… What about you?”

I sigh, “I’m scared Liv. What if I am? That would be like the gasoline being thrown on the fire that’s already burning. Fuck, I can’t believe this is happening right now.”

“But what if it’s negative? Then at least you know right?”

“What about you? What are you going to do?”

“Shit myself.” She says laughing. “I’m scared to Lo… let’s do this. On three?” She says and I nod. “One, Two… Three.”

We both stand, walking over to our section of the counter. I look down at the sticks, immediately closing my eyes.

I can’t do this. I can’t fucking do this.

I turn towards Olivia and she’s doing the same thing. She turns towards me with a raised eyebrow.

“I can’t look Liv.” I whisper.

“Me either.” She says, biting her bottom lip, “But I have to.”

“Ok… On three?” I say, sighing. She nods and I count to three before looking down at the test at the same time she looks down at hers.

“Holy shit.”

“Holy Shit.”

The words fly around the room all around us and we both look at each other wide eyed.

“What did your holy shit mean?” We both ask at the same time, in no sort of mood to laugh.

“Well… six out of eight are positive. What do you think that means?” Olivia says, panic very apparent on her face.

“Probably what four out of four means.” I say, stumbling back towards the tub, taking a seat on the edge.

“Positive or negative four out of four?” She asks, sitting down beside me.

“Positive.” I whisper, dropping my head into my hands on my lap. “How could this have happened?” I mumble into my hands.

“I’m still trying to figure that out for myself.” She says pulling me against her. We both stay there for a good couple of minutes crying and just having a good ‘ol fashioned freak out session.

“Olivia!”

The sound sobers us both up rather quickly. Both of us jump up throwing all the tests in the Godiva bag, wiping our faces off, checking each other for signs of crying. It was rather hopeless, we both look completely drained and I know Derek’s going to notice.

“There you are… Hey Lauren.” He says, walking into the bathroom, “Chocolate break in the bathroom, ladies?”

Olivia starts to panic so I say the first thing that pops in my head, “I’m having a horrible period and chocolate make me feel better.”

“Wow, too much info kiddo.” he says, cringing.

“Yeah, not half as much info I’ve had to endure about you and your chocolate drama…” I mumble.

“What was that?” He asks, genuinely confused.

“I’m just in some pain at the moment. Not really in a very good mood. Sorry.” I say, gripping the bag so hard, I’m going to need a vice grip to get it out later.

“Is that why the two of you were crying or do you not want to talk about that?” He asks, and I turn towards Olivia.

“I’m not really feeling well… I’ll see you guys later, ok?” I ask, more to Olivia than Derek. She nods, grabbing me for a hug.

“Are you going to tell him?” She whispers to me.

“Are you?” I whisper back. She pulls away, biting her bottom lip. I sigh before shrugging. I honestly don’t know how he’ll handle this on top of everything else right now. I know I have to tell him eventually, but I really think we need to resolve this issue with his mom first.

She sighs, “I have to.” She says again, this time I could hear the fear in her voice.

“Call me later.” I say, giving her an encouraging smile.

“I will, I want to hear how your conversation goes anyways.” She says, glaring at me.

“Yeah…” I say, waving at Derek, before leaving.

I got all the way to my car before I started to cry again. I drove home, or rather to Justin’s, in complete shock. I pulled over at the end of the road and made sure I didn’t look like complete hell before I pulled into the driveway, making my way into the house. I walk in and Mackenzie runs down the stairs and attacks me with a bear hug.

“Hey kiddo. What’s up?” I ask, looking down at her.

“I missed you. Where’d you go?” She asks, pulling me towards the backyard.

“I was at lunch with Olivia… Where are we going, Mac?” I ask, trying not to trip.

“Out back. Everyone’s out there.” She says as she pulls me through the glass door to find Justin’s parents, Justin, Trace, people I know I’ve met, but am shorting out on their names, and a few people I have yet to meet.

“Hey baby.” Justin says, jumping up from his seat, running… or walking rather fast, towards me.

“Hey, what’s this?” I ask looking around at the group of people in his backyard.

“I forgot I invited people over today…” He says, looking a little sheepish.

“Oh… Can I talk to you for a minute?” I ask, knowing if I can’t get this out now I don’t think I’ll be able to ever get it out.

“Yeah… yeah, c’mon.” He says, ushering me back into the house and into the kitchen.

“Everything ok?”

I wrap my arms around his waist, resting my head on his chest and sigh.

“Baby, I know this isn’t exactly what you wanted to come back to, but I couldn’t exactly throw them all out either.”

“I don’t have a problem with them being here, although I would’ve liked a warning… Doesn’t matter I have something I need to tell you.” I say, biting down hard on my bottom lip.

“Your going to draw blood if you don’t stop… What’s wrong?”

“You’re probably not going to like this but I’m…” a complete chicken shit and I can’t do this, “Going home. I’m not really in the mood for a party or gathering or whatever is going on out back.”

“You sure? They shouldn’t be here that much longer.”

I laugh, “When have you ever had a party that didn’t go well into the morning?”

He scowls, “I see your point, but I don’t want you to leave. I missed you today.” He says, grinning down at me, “I’m sure we could disappear upstairs for a little while. I doubt anyone with notice.”

I back out of his hold, shaking my head, “No… I uh… I need to get out of here.” I turn walking back towards the front door, but Justin grabs my arm whipping me back around to face him.

“What’s going on Lauren?” He asks as my phone starts ringing in my pocket. I grab it, checking to see who it was. Olivia.

“Livy?” I answer, fearing the worst from her.

“You were right. He was ecstatic.” She says and I can just see the grin on her face.

“How’d J take it?” She asks and I just look up at him.

“I uh… Haven’t exactly…” I say or at least try to say, but it wasn’t working.

“Tell him Lauren. He’s going to be a father. He deserves to know.” She yells.

“He already is one… Why’s it matter?” I ask and immediately regret it.

“I’m already one what?” He asks, staring at me.

“Tell him Lauren. Right now. I’m not hanging up until you…” I hung up on her instead. Justin’s still staring at me and I know my eyes are starting to water, but my bodies completely numb so I can’t feel them falling down my face.

“Lauren, what’s going on? Weren’t you just with Olivia?” He asks, running his hands up and down my arms.

“I… I need to go.” I spit out, turning to leave again.

“No.” He pulls me back, “Not until you tell me what’s going on.”

I sigh, “Olivia’s pregnant.” I say, taking to easy way out of this conversation.

“That’s great… Right?”

I shrug, “Yeah, I guess Derek was ecstatic about it.” I say, softly.

“Ok… So why are you so upset?”

“Because… I am…” Fuck, I can’t do it.

“Lauren, you are what?” He asks, tipping my chin up, making me look at him.

A spineless coward, “not feeling well.”

He stares at me and I can tell just by the look on his face he doesn’t believe a word I just said. He knows and I still can’t come out and say it.

“Were you with her when she found out?” He asks and my stomach starts twisting into that knot I thought I’d loosened this morning.

“Yes.”

He searches my eyes for another minute, “Say it Lauren.”

My body shakes and my eyes start to water, “I can’t.” I whisper.

He closes his eyes with a sigh. He knows.

“You can’t because you don’t want to or because your afraid of how I’m going to react?” He asks, making me look at him again.

“Both.” I whisper.

“Don’t worry about my reaction.” He smiles down at me and the knot in my stomach unwinds some.

“What are we going to do?” I ask.

“I’m sure we’ll figure it out.” He says, pushing a fallen strand of hair behind my ear.

“Say it out loud Lauren. It’ll make you feel better.”

“No, it’ll make it real.” I whisper.

He runs a hand across my belly, “It’s already real.”

I nod, taking a deep breath.

“Are you two coming back out? The burgers are done.” Lynn says from behind Justin. Justin mouths ‘I’m sorry’ before turning around.

“I think everyone should…”

“I’m pregnant.” I interrupt. Justin turns back towards me grinning, obviously happy I said it. I smile back at him before looking over at Lynn. She’s crying.

“I knew it.” She says, wiping her face.

“Mom please don’t start.” Justin warns.

“I’m so happy for you two.” She says, shocking the both of us.

“You are?” I ask, doubtful.

“I am. I knew you were pregnant.” She says, smiling. She runs her hands over my belly and I just stand there shocked stupid. Did she just says she was happy I was having his baby and did she just touch me?

“You can’t be that far along though. Oh I can’t wait to start buying the baby things. I missed this the first time around. I hope you don’t mind me being around a lot for this.” she says in a giddy tone.

“I wasn’t around the first time around either. Do I get to tag along all the time too?” Justin joked.

“I’m glad you two are having fun…” I say shaking my head.

“What’s the matter?” Justin asks, kissing my forehead.

“I’m going to have to push out a baby from my vagina in a few months… I’m a little freaked out by that.” I admit.

“You get to go through all of this with Olivia though. At least you wont do it alone right?” Justin says, trying to make me feel better.

Does he not get the baby through the vagina thing. Olivia can’t help me with that. She has her own baby through the vagina problem. There isn’t a way to transplant a baby in someone else is there?

“You could always get a c-section.” Lynn suggested and I groan.

“Not huge on surgery.” I say, shaking off a tremble that just went through me.

“Who’s having surgery?” Trace asks, walking up behind Lynn.

“No one dipshit.” Justin says, shaking his head at him.

Trace shrugs, “What?”

“I’m pregnant.” I say again, not really to tell him, but to actually hear the words come out of my mouth again.

“Whoa! Really? Is that why you two were fleeing the diner so fast this afternoon?”

I nod, “We wanted or rather Olivia wanted to take a test to see if she was and she didn’t want to do it alone so she asked me to do it with her.”

“Wait you two peed on sticks together.” He cringed, “Thank you for not inviting me then.”

I roll my eyes, “You’re sick. We didn’t pee together you dope. We were in separate bathrooms.”

“So since you are, does that mean I’m SOL with Olivia now too?” He asks and I laugh.

“Honey, that woman despises you. You never had a chance. But to answer your question, yes she is too.”

“Hmmm… So are you two going to have the baby on the same day or do I get to watch both of these kids come into the world?” He asks and Lynn smacks him on the back of the head.

“There isn’t a chance in hell your watching my child come into the world.” Justin says, shaking his head again.

“Aww Come on!”

“No!” Justin, Lynn and I all yell at the same time.

“Mean bastards.” He mumbles, walking back outside.

“Congratulations. I mean it.” Lynn says smiling brightly at the both of us.

“Thank you.” I say, smiling back.

Maybe the two of us are going to make this work afterall…

“Thank you for being a friend. Travel down the road and back again. Your heart is true, you’re a pal and a confidant…” came blaring from the TV.

Yup, this has been my life for the past two days. Watching rerun after rerun of the Golden Girls on DVD eating pints and pints of Cookie Dough ice cream not even bothering to get dressed.

Justin went back to Tennessee with his parents and I went off to my Fashion Show in New York, which by the way, went horrible. The designer, which for contract reasons will remain nameless, didn’t have a freakin’ clue what she was doing. She had us wearing these ridiculously high heels and when I say ridiculously high I mean like five or six inches. It was insane. We were all pretty tall and the fact she had us wear those just made us all look like crazy giants with outrageously hideous outfits to boot.

The three models in front of me ended up tripping and falling. One fell into the front row seats, one hit the floor and one took out a few photographers at the end of the runway. I threw in the towel when she had me put on this hat that had a crazy yellow fuzzy theme going for it. That and the yellow pantsuit she had me in made me feel and look like big bird and I couldn’t do it. I lied and told her I was sick and ended up leaving, but not before I watched the rest of her show go up in flames.

I flew home that night and that was two nights ago. Justin is due back in a few days and I’m stuck here with Ryan and his over protectiveness. You’d think I was eight months along the way he barely lets me get up off the couch to get my own drink or even go to the bathroom. I guess he’s just worried, but god lord!

“Do you need anything?”

Speaking of the devil…

“No Ryan. Again, I’m fine.” I say with yet another roll of my eyes.

“Justin told me to take care of you and to make sure you don’t lift a finger until he gets back.” He says, plopping down next to me on the couch, snatching the spoon from my hand and scooping himself some ice cream.

“Until he gets back? Does that mean I’m in for it when he does?” I ask, shaking my head.

“No, that means he’ll be taking over for me when he gets back. I’m just a nice guy that’s standing in for the nicer guy.”

“See this whole time I thought you were an asshole… You were just being a stand in nice guy? Huh…”

“Ok smartass, I’m just trying to be helpful here.” He says with a mouthful of ice cream.

“That was very sexy Ry.” I say, laughing. “I hope you don’t do that with your slut of the night around.”

“Slut of the night? What’s that all about?”

“Oh come on Ryan. When was the last time you had a relationship that lasted more than a few hours?”

“I’m not that bad. I spend at least the day with the woman first.” He says and I just raise an eyebrow at him.

“What?”

“Ryan, seriously, when was the last relationship you’ve had?”

He puffed out his cheeks letting a gust of air out of his mouth while thinking, “Eight… maybe nine years?” He says, questionably.

“Eight or nine years? What the hell Ry?”

“There’s nothing wrong with that!” He say defensively.

I laugh, “There’s nothing wrong with that? There’s something wrong with you for thinking that. Ryan, what’s going on with you?”

“There’s nothing going on with me. I’m just not in a relationship kind of mood.”

“And apparently you haven’t been in one for the past nine years. Why is that Ryan?”

“No reason.” He says, taking the pint of ice cream from me and walking back towards the kitchen.

“No reason my ass. Come on Ryan, I’m your sister! Talk to me.” I yell, jumping up from the couch, chasing after him.

“Go sit down! Justin will kill me if he finds out you’ve been running around.”

I glare at him, “I’m old enough to decide whether or not I can get up off the couch without you or Justin telling me when I can. Knock off this whole over protective shit and sit your ass down in that chair and tell me what the hell is going on with you.”

He stares at me wide-eyed as he slowly takes a seat on one of the bar stools.

“Good boy… Now talk.” I say, crossing my arms across my chest and cocking my hip to the side.

“I have nothing to…”

“Oh, cut the bullshit.”

He sighs, “Lauren I don’t know what your trying to get out of me but…”

“Did you know about Tina and the kids?” I finally ask, letting the three hundred pound weights lift off my shoulders.

His face registers a state of shock, which I can’t figure out if it’s a good or bad sign. I don’t know what I’ll do if he did know. I don’t know if I’d rather flip out on him or cry. I honestly hope he would never hide something like this from me, but then again this is Ryan and he wouldn’t want me to worry about something I didn’t need to worry about.

“W-why would you think t-that?” He stutters, still not giving away whether or not he actually knew.

“Just answer the question. Please?” I beg, holding back tears.

He sighs, bowing his head, “Yes.” He mumbles.

My breath catches in my throat and the tears just flow down my face.

“Lauren, I was going to tell you I swear, I just…” He starts, but I put my hand up signaling him to stop.

“I don’t want to hear it Ryan.” I say wiping my face, “I don’t want to hear why you would keep such a huge secret from me, your sister!” I sigh, “God Ryan. We used to be so close. We used to tell each other everything. What happened? Why would you do this? I have more siblings out there that I had a right to know about and you kept that from me!”

“Lauren,”

“No! Just stop. I don’t want to hear your lame excuses. I’m sick to death of this shit.” I say, stomping out of the room.

“Lauren get back here!” Ryan yells after me.

“Fuck you Ryan.” I yell, grabbing my keys off the table by the door.

“Where the hell do you think your going? We’re not done talking.”

“Oh we are very done talking. We were done talking when you decided to keep something life altering from me. So fuck you Ryan. Have a nice day.” I say, slamming the front door shut behind me, racing towards my car.

I got all the way to Olivia’s before my phone started ringing.

“What?” I yell into the phone.

“Why aren’t you at home resting like I asked you to be?” Justin asks, calmly, into the phone.

“Am I not allowed to drive while pregnant daddy?” I ask, condescendingly.

“Don’t talk to me like that.”

“Oh so I’m not allowed to speak my mind anymore either. Wow this being pregnant thing is amazing.” I ground out, sarcastically. I hop out of the car, walking up the front walkway to Olivia and Derek’s house.

He sighs, “Why aren’t you at home?”

“I’m visiting with Olivia. Is that ok or am I not allowed to visit friends anymore either.”

“Jesus Lauren, What the hell is up your ass today?” He sighs heavily again, “I was calling to see how you were doing and I get Ryan screaming at me through the phone that you weren’t there and then I got hung up on. Now I call you and I get the wicked bitch of the west on the phone.”

I scoff, “Did you just call me a bitch?”

“If the shoe fits darlin’.” He says angrily.

“I can’t believe you just called me a bitch.” I whisper, a little shocked.

“Baby, what is going on?”

“Now your going to pull the baby line? Nu uh…” I say, taking a seat on the front steps of the Hasting’s house.

“Well you haven’t exactly been sweet as pie on the phone since you answered.” he says with another sigh.

“I’m having a shitty day…” I say groaning, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have taken it out on you, but I have to tell you if these last two days are what my life is going to be like for the next few months, I have to say I’m not looking forward to it.”

“Why? Is everything ok? Is the baby ok?” He asks in a panic.

“Baby’s fine… But, my crazy ass brother has been driving me absolutely nuts for two full days and I finally got the answer to my question that’s been burning me for too long and I’m not handling it very well.”

“What question?” He asks, cautiously.

“He knew, Justin. He knew this whole time and never told me.” I say, letting the tears fall down my face again.

He quietly curses, “Lauren, where are you?”

“Olivia’s. I’m sitting on her front porch.”

“Is she home?”

“I don’t know. Her cars not in the driveway, but that doesn’t mean anything.” I say, wiping my face.

“Hold on a second, ok?”

“Mmmhmmm.” I say, leaning my head against the porch railing.

I still just don’t know how to react to this crazy bullshit in my life right now. My brother, the only actually family I have left, has been keeping this huge secret from me for god knows how long. Shit, I don’t even want to know how long he’s known. I think that will just piss me off even more.

What the hell was he thinking? Why in the hell would he think it would be ok to keep something like this from me. These people are my brothers and sisters. That’s kind of a huge deal. Whether I want to meet them or not should be my choice, but I think I have a right to know about them.

“Lauren?”

“Yeah, I’m still here.” I mumble.

“Stay where you are. Trace is going to come get you and I want you to stay with him until I get there. Do you understand me?” He orders more than asks.

“Yeah, I’m not going anywhere.” I give in. I’m too tired to fight and honestly hanging out with Trace isn’t sounding so bad right now.

“I love you Lauren. I’ll be home soon, ok?”

“Ok… I love you too.” I say before hanging up the phone to wait.

************************************************************************

“Hey there sleepy head.” Trace says, plopping down on to my feet at the end of the couch.

I groan in protest, pulling my feet from under his ass, “It’d be better if you had dinner cooking.” I say, silently praying he at least ordered food.

He laughs, “How far along are you again?”

“Who knows.” I say shrugging, “I’ll find out tomorrow at the doctors, but I could be anywhere from 9 months which obviously I’m not…” I say pointing towards my belly, “to about a couple of weeks I guess.” I say with a shrug.

“Do you have a bump?” He asks, lifting up my shirt. I smack his hand away, shaking my head. I stand up, lifting my shirt up to show him.

“Holy shit you do.” he says, his eyes bugging out of his head.

“I do?” I ask, looking down at myself.

“Look at it. It’s definitely a bump.”

“Shit, then I have to be at least what… four months along?”

“Four? Then that means you have…” He stops to figure out how much longer I have. I shake my head, laughing.

“Five months Trace. Four plus five equals nine… Did you skip the first grade?”

“Haha… That’s means your either getting married like tomorrow or Justin’s Grandmother is going to be one upset old woman.”

“Oh god. That’s all I need is another woman of his family that hates me.” I say sitting back down on the couch.

“Lynn doesn’t hate you.” Trace says, throwing his arm around my shoulders.

“Oh right, we’re best friends now I forgot…. It’s so weird. She calls me a lot. I’m not complaining, because I love that she wants a relationship with me, it’s just weird you know?”

He nods, “With all the shit she put you through, I understand. And I was joking about his grandmother. She’ll be fine. Bad joke, I’m sorry.”

“Getting married tomorrow wasn’t a bad idea though.” Justin says from behind us. “You may want to get your arm off my future wife.” He says grinning.

I jump up from the couch, hopping up into his arms.

“Miss me?” He asks before kissing me.

“Mmm, you have no idea.” I say, dropping my legs back down to the floor. “What are you doing home so early?”

“Gee, I feel the love right now.” He says, laughing.

I smack his arm, jokingly, “You were supposed to be in Tennessee for two more days.”

“I figured you needed me more than my mother did.” He says, running a finger along my jaw line.

“Thank you.” I say, my eyes beginning to water again. “It’s good to know you’ll be there when I need you.”

He grins, leaning forwards to kiss me again, “Always, baby girl, always.” He whispers against my lips.

I hate the doctors. I hate hospitals. I hate any place that involves sick people.

There’s a woman sitting next to me that obviously should be in confinement with that hacking cough she has. I’m here for a prenatal check up which means I’m pregnant along with the other six women in this office waiting room and here she is hacking up a frigging lung on all of us.

Ignorant much?

“Lauren Decker.” The nurse calls.

Thank the good lord. I was about ready to deck the woman sitting next to me if she didn’t at least go get a drink of water or something.

“How are we feeling this morning?” She asks, walking me back down the hallway.

“I’m doing alright.“ I answer.

She stops at the scale. “Step on, sweetie.”

I step on and she writes down my weight on her chart, “Follow me.”

She escorts me into a bathroom telling me to do my business in the tiniest cup I’ve ever seen. I do the best I can, leaving the cup on the sink like she asked. I follow her to the room and she tells me the doctor will be right in.

Patience hasn’t always been my strong suit. Today definitely not being an exception on that. My legs bouncing on the floor, I’m biting my lower lip, twiddling my thumbs, I can’t stop moving I’m so nervous.

A knock sounds on the door as my doctor walks into the room, “Good morning Lauren. How are we doing?” She asks, taking a seat on the rolling chair in front of me.

“I’m doing alright. I have a feeling I’m further along than I originally thought though.”

“Oh? Why’s that?” She asks, looking over my chart over the top of her glasses.

“I have a bump already.” I say with a sigh.

She smiles, “Ok. Why don’t you lie back and we’ll take a look on the monitors.”

I lay back, pulling my shirt up under my breasts. She tucks a towel in my shorts before squeezing the jelly on my belly.

I shiver, “That’s cold.”

She laughs, “Everyone says that. I’m thinking about investing in a warmer for it.”

I laugh, “Not a bad idea.”

She runs a handle over my belly, pressing button after button on the screen in front of her.

“What’s that sound?” I ask, raising an eyebrow at her.

“That’s your baby’s heartbeat.” She says with a smile.

“Oh wow.” I whisper.

“I’m going to take some measurements so just sit still for a second ok?” She says and I just nod, staring blankly at the screen.

“This here is the head.” She says, pulling a white circle around a darker circle on the screen.

“And this is the back view, you see that white line down the back?”

I nod, “That’s the baby’s spine.”

“Wow… Is that a foot?” I ask looking up at the screen.

“That is a foot. And there’s the other one.” She says moving the handle over my belly.

I stare at the screen in amazement as she shows me all the parts she could find on the screen. I can’t believe this. It’s all starting to really feel real. I mean I knew I was pregnant, but seeing it for the first time just makes it seem… Real.

“Here are some pictures for you to take home with you to show Dad.” She says handing me a strip of pictures.

“Oh wow, is that the face?” I ask looking at one of the photos.

She smiles, “Yes, that’s the nose, mouth, and eyes.” She says, pointing to each individually.

That’s when the waterworks started. Tears just flew down my face.

“How far along am I?” I ask, through the tears.

“From the measurements I would say about twenty-one weeks.”

“Twenty-one!” I yell in shock.

She laughs, “That’s what it looks like to me.”

I sit there thinking back five months ago and sigh. She’s right. That was when I had my last period.

Oh shit. This baby is coming a lot faster than I had first thought.

“Thank you Dr. Goldstein.”

“No problem, Lauren. Take this and make an appointment for next week. I want to see you again and you can get another ultrasound downstairs. They should be able to tell you what you having then too.”

“You couldn’t see that today?” I ask, nervously.

She laughs again, “Actually I did.”

“Really?” I ask, wide eyed.

“Do you want to know?” She ask, flipping through the pictures on the screen.

“Yeah,” I whisper.

************************************************************************

“Hey baby. How’d your appointment go?” Just asks, kissing me on the cheek.

“It went pretty good.” I say, lowering the sunglasses over my eyes.

“Pretty good? What’s that mean? Is something wrong?” He asks, taking a seat on the end of my lawn chair.

“No, nothing wrong. I just… I’m five months pregnant.”

“Five? Really?”

I nod, “I don’t know how I missed that for the last five months.”

“You have been kind of busy lately.” He says with a shrug.

“But how do you not know your pregnant for five months?”

He shrugs again, “I don’t know baby, but every things fine right?”

I nod again, “I got pictures of her today.”

“You did? Can I see them?” he asks with a giant grin on his face.

I lean over, grabbing my purse from under the chair. I pull them out, handing them to him. He stares down at them in awe. He runs his fingers over different parts of the pictures, but freezes when he gets o one of them.

“Is that a face?” He asks, looking up at me.

I nod, “That’s her eyes, her nose and her mouth.” I say, pointing towards the picture.

“Wow.” He says in astonishment.

“Hey guys!” Mackenzie says, skipping towards us. “What’s that?”

“That’s a picture of your little brother or sister.” Justin says, showing them to her.

“Awww… Their so cute!” She squeals.

“There’s only one.” I say quickly.

Justin laughs, “What do you think Kenz?”

“I’m so excited! I can’t wait. Can I go show Trace?”

“Sure.” Justin says, shaking his head as she runs off with the pictures.

“So everything went fine then?”

I nod, “Everything is good with both of us.”

“Good… Whoa wait a minute.” he says, his eyes bugging out of his head.

“What?” I ask laughing at him.

“You… You… You said her eyes and her mouth… Her?” He asks wide eyed.

I nod, “We’re having a girl.”

He leans over, pulling me towards him for a kiss, “I can’t believe this. A girl?” he says, kissing me again.

I laugh, “A girl. You ok with that?”

“Couldn’t be happier.” He says, grinning from ear to ear. “I love you, Lauren.”

“I love you too.”

“And I love you, little one.” He says running his hand over my belly.

The last few weeks have just flown by.

Justin, Mackenzie and I went on a road trip across the country. We went to Disney World and Disney Land. We hit up a few of the Six Flaggs along the way to and from Disney, but I couldn‘t go on any of the rides because lucky me is with child and it‘s not in my best interest to go on rides.

Trace flew out to Florida and met us at Disney. He thought we are nuts for driving from California to Florida. I guess he doesn’t get the whole family bonding thing.

It’s actually been one of the best experiences I’ve ever been apart of. Just watching Justin and Mackenzie interact together is incredible. She is one hundred percent his daughter, right down to his amazing ability to go from one conversation to another in a matter of seconds. I can’t tell you how many times I got completely lost with the two of them talking, but neither one of them were fazed by it.

We’re currently back in California about three hours away from home and I couldn’t be more scared.

I’ve been ignoring the whole, my brother lied to me about my mother and siblings thing for a little over a month now and I have this sinking feeling that when I get home I’m going to need to resolve this issue. I don’t in anyway want to go talk to him and to be completely honest, I don’t think I’m ready.

You know what, that’s a lie. I’m ready. I’m just scared shitless.

My brother lied to me. Who knows for how long. I can’t deal with that. I mean he’s my brother. If I can’t trust my brother, who I’ve been extremely close to for my entire life, then who can I trust.

It was a little rough with Justin at first. After we found out about having a girl, things kind of went sour for me. I started thinking about Ryan and the whole lying thing and I guess I just freaked about every little thing Justin would say or do.

That’s why he suggested this whole road trip. He figured it would cure any problems we were having and I have to give him a lot of credit. It really did work. I honestly couldn’t love this man and this little girl anymore than I do right now. That’s huge. To be locked in a car with them for weeks and not want to kill them proves to me that we’re going to make it through anything.

“So what are we doing today again?” Mackenzie asks from the backseat.

“We,” Justin says pointing back and forth from her to him, “Are going to go bowling with Trace and Rachel.”

“Why aren’t I included in bowling? I think I can handle a bowling ball.” I say, glaring at Justin.

“You have other plans.” He says giving me a look before turning back towards the road.

“And what other plans do I have?” I ask, chuckling to myself.

“You are going to resolve your family issues.” He says giving me a knowing look.

I sigh, “Do I have to?” I whine, pouting.

“Yes you have to. You can’t keep ignoring Ryan. I know he’s been calling you everyday and you’ve been rejecting the calls. I really think you need to hear him out.”

“What did Uncle Ryan do?” Mackenzie asks.

Justin raises an eyebrow at me and I just shrug not knowing what to say to her. I don’t really want her to know what’s going on, but I hate lying to her.

“Uhh, Uncle Ryan kept something from me that I felt was important and I’m upset with him over it.” I say to her, looking over at Justin to make sure what I said was good for him. He nodded with a short shrug, looking at Mac in the rearview mirror.

“Why would he do that?”

“I don’t know sweetie.” I answer.

“That’s why she needs to talk to him. He needs to explain why he did what he did.” Justin adds.

“Why can’t we just invite him to go bowling with us and they can talk there. I really want to be on Mom’s team, she’s really good.” Mac says and my stomach does a flip-flop. I still get butterflies in my belly when she calls me Mom.

“Yeah, why can’t we just invite him and play some Bowling. Boys vs. girls.”

“Because then you wont talk to him.” Justin says, shaking his head at me.

“I will…”

“When? When our daughter turns ten?” He asks, sighing.

“Well, that’s only a few years away right?” I say, smiling at Mackenzie.

A grin forms on Justin’s face and he looks over at me for a second, “That was cute, but I’m not letting this go, Lauren.”

I sigh, “Fine. I’ll go talk to him, but I want in on the Bowling Tournament.”

“Fine, we’ll wait for you to get back.”

The rest of the ride was filled with a lot of really bad singing and laughing. Kenzie really didn’t get the gift of music from her father and I never had it so we made a really bad combo. Justin was amused and decided to join us by singing off key which in all honesty was a hell of a lot better than we ever could be.

That’s sad.

When we pulled into the driveway, Trace and Rachel came out to help us with the bags. Justin stopped me from trying to help and I just shock my head.

“You are pregnant and do not need to be lifting heavy suitcases. You also are on your way to your brother’s.” He says, dropping the keys in my hands. “Go, Lauren.”

I sigh, watching him pull the last suitcase out of the trunk and slamming it shut. I climb into the driver’s seat and he leans in the car, kissing me on the lips.

“Good luck, baby.” he says before kissing me one more time.

“Thanks.” I say as he shuts the door for me.

The ride to the house was spent panicking, getting angry, going from nervous to pissed off to sad in a matter of seconds and it was only a ten minute drive. I turned off the car and sat there for a minute collecting my thoughts. After a few pep talks to myself, I made my way into the house.

“Ryan?” I yell up the stairs. I was met with silence. I searched all the rooms in the house and I came up empty. His cars were in the garage so I know he’s here, but where?

“Lyric! Get over here, now!” I hear Ryan yell.

“Lyric? Who the hell is that?” I say out loud to myself.

I walk to the backdoor and stare out the glass door.

He got a dog?

When the hell did that happen?

“You have been gone for a few weeks.” I say.

Did I just talk to myself?

Jesus, I’m really going crazy aren’t I?

I quietly walk out towards Ryan and the cutest little beagle I think I’ve ever seen. I guess I wasn’t quiet enough for the dog, because Lyric decided to out me by running and jumping on me.

I crouch down, “Hey there cutie. Where’d you come from?” I ask, petting his head.

“Lauren?” Ryan says in shock.

I pick the dog up, mainly as a barrier between me and Ryan.

Pathetic aren’t I?

“Hey Ry.” I say, forcing a smile.

“Wh-What are you doing here?” he asks, looking at me still shocked to see me.

I pet the dogs head and he barks, “He’s too cute, when’d you get him?”

“Yesterday.” he says, shortly.

“Can we talk?” I ask, looking at the dog instead of him, waiting for a response.

“Lauren,” He starts, but sighs, “I know I lied to you and I know I kept things from you, but believe me Lauren, I was only trying to protect you.”

“Protect me from what? They are my siblings. I have a right to know about them and you kept that from me. Why Ryan?” I yell, scaring the dog. I scratch Lyrics head and he calms down again in my arms.

Ryan sighs, “I met Holly and Hannah a few years ago. Holly was 17 and Hannah was 15. I actually was with Shadow that night and you know him. He’ll hit on anything without a penis.”

“I always hated him.”

“So did I, that’s why I’m not friends with him anymore… anyways, Shadow hit on Holly and he almost slept with her too.”

“She was 17!” I say in disgust.

I nod, “I know. I convinced her to play hard to get with him and it seemed to work. Shadow lost interest and he left me with them… I got talking with her and Hannah and they started talking about Tina.”

“So you found out three years ago?”

He sighs again, “No… I’ve known for almost nine years.”

“Nine!” I yell, scaring the dog, making him back.

“Lyric, stop… Lauren I couldn’t tell you, I couldn’t put you through that.”

“I had little sisters and a little brother and you kept that from me. Why? Why would you do that to me?”

“Because… because Tina paid me not to tell you.”

“She what?” I ask, shocked.

“She gave me twenty thousand dollars to keep this from you. She didn’t want you to know about them because she knew you’d hate her even more than you do already and she didn’t want to put you through that.”

“So this is all Tina’s fault now? Your seriously blaming Tina for keeping a huge secret like this from me? Ryan, you still could have told me.”

“I agreed with her, Lauren.” He admits and my heart drops.

“You agreed with her? Ryan, why?”

“You were finally getting over her leaving and dad dying and I didn’t want to put you right back into that scared, pathetic little girl you were. You were finally growing and you were finally happy again. I couldn’t do it. Lauren, I was just looking out for your best interests. I love you and I only wanted you to be happy.”

I bite my bottom lip, trying to stop it from quivering.

“They don’t know about us and they wont know about us… When I met Holly and Hannah a few years back, they both seemed so happy and so thrilled with life. I knew right then that it would kill them to find out their ‘amazing’ mother lied to them all these years.” he sighs, “I was just protecting my sisters. All three of them. I was just trying to keep you guys from pain and heartache.” he pauses, staring at me for a second, “I’m sorry Lauren. I’m so sorry.”

“What about William?”

“He’s a cute little kid. I actually saw him a few months ago when I went to Virginia. He just got his driver’s license and couldn’t be happier. Tina doesn’t have to drive him and his dates around anymore.”

“So she’s… she’s apart of their life then?”

He nods, “Holly told me she’s amazing. I guess she’s really changed, Lauren.” he says, shrugging, “I know it hurts and I know it sucks to think about, but the three of them are happy and you and I we’re happy and we will be happy again, I promise you that.”

“Lauren, I know you’re mad at me, but I did what I thought was right. Please don’t hate me. Please let me back in your life. I want to be a part of it. I want to be in my niece or nephew’s life. Please don’t push me away. You’re the only family I have and I’m all you have.”

I shake my head, “No… I have a new family. I have Mackenzie and Justin.”

He drops his head with a defeated nod, “I’m sorry Lauren. I wish I could take it back, but I can’t… I love you, don’t ever forget that, ok?” he says, a tear falling down his cheek.

“I love you too. You’re my brother and I can’t change that. You lied to me and you kept this secret that you had no right keeping from me. I know you did what you thought was right, but I don’t have to be ok with that and I’m not.”

“I’ve always been there for you and vise versa. I’m lost without you. Lauren, please don’t do this, not now, please. I need my sister, Lauren, please.”

“Why not now? What’s going on, Ryan?”

“Remember a few weeks ago when you asked why I hadn’t been in a relationship lately?”

“Yeah.” I answer, getting a little nervous.

“I found out about nine years ago that I couldn’t have kids. I’m completely sterile. I’ve been driving myself crazy trying to figure out why this would happen to me. I’ve always wanted kids, but I’ll never get that chance, so I rebelled against myself. I started sleeping with anything and anyone I possibly could. I told myself it was for the best and I sought out happiness through sex. It’s been working for a while, but now, well, now it’s not working at all.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I’m in love and she wants kids.”

What’s left of my heart just broke, “Have you told her?”

He shakes his head, “No, I don’t know how.”

“When did this happen? The whole meeting a woman and falling in love thing.”

“I’ve been seeing her, Gabrielle, for about five months now.”

My eyes bulge a little with shock, “Five months? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know how this whole thing was going to go and I didn’t want you getting all excited over it, when it could’ve fallen apart at anytime.”

“Does she love you?”

He nods with a grin, “Yeah,” his smile falls, “But I don’t think she will after I tell her.”

“Ryan, any woman that would leave you over something you have no control over isn’t good enough for you anyways.” I tilt his head up to face me, “If she loves you, she’ll understand. You can always adopt.”

“It’s not the same. Would you be ok with just adopting if you wanted a child of your own?”

“If it was with the man I loved, then yes. Just because your adopting a child doesn’t mean you aren’t going to love that child as much as you would a blood child. You need to tell her though.”

“I know, but what if she leaves me?”

“Then she wasn’t good enough for you.”

“You’re my sister, your supposed to say things like that.”

“True, but I don’t really like you right now so…”

“Point taken.” He sighs, “I’ll tell her, but I really want you to meet her. Can you and Justin come for dinner tonight?”

I sigh, “Ryan…”

“Please Lauren. I know you hate what I did and I know you don’t want anything to do with me right now, but your all I have. Please don’t leave me all alone right now.”

“Like you did after beating Justin to a bloody pulp?”

He nods slowly, “I thought you hated me.”

“I do now.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Don’t I?”

“Lauren, I love you. I only did what I did to protect you.”

“I know, you’ve told me that already.” I sigh, “Ok, you know what I’ll come.”

“And Justin?”

I sigh, “I’ll ask, but I don’t know if he can find a babysitter on such short notice.”

“Try, if not for me then for Lyric.” He says, scratching the dog on the head.

I laugh, “I’ll see you later.”

“I love you.” he says when I turn towards the house.

I sigh, “I love you too.” I say, walking into the house.

On my way back to Justin’s I got a pretty amazing phone call. I guess the Black Eyed Peas want a couple of the Victoria’s Secret Angels in their new video for ‘I Gotta Feeling’.

It’s supposed to be pretty sexy and extremely fun. I’m not quite sure I should be doing anything sexy right now with my mini baby bump, but from what Connie told me, Fergie asked for three of us specifically and I have to admit, I find her to be intriguing and I can’t pass up this opportunity.

Shooting starts in 2 days so I have a few days of crazy workouts to try and fix some of the bulge that shouldn’t be there.

Oh who am I kidding, that shit isn’t going anywhere, I’m so screwed.

I hear knocking on the window and I laugh, noticing Justin staring in wondering what the hell I’m doing.

I get out of the car, shaking my head, “I’m sorry, I got thinking and forgot what I was doing.”

“Things not go well?” He asks, walking back towards the house beside me.

“No, things went fine, I just got a phone call that was interesting on the way home.”

He stops on the front steps, taking a seat, pulling my hand making me take a seat next to him, “What happened?”

“Ryan got a dog.” I say avoiding the two subjects all together.

He laughs, “That’s interesting in all, but what happened with Ryan and what was the phone call about?”

I sigh, “I found out that Ryan has known for nine years and Tina paid him not to tell me. I guess she’s changed and is mother of the year to those kids and didn’t want me to know.” I sigh again, “I guess I’m just mad he couldn’t tell me, but what he said makes sense.”

“What’d he say?”

“That he didn’t want me to find out because I was finally getting over my dad dying and Tina leaving and if I would have found out then I would have reverted back to what I was before and he didn’t want to see that happen so he kept it to himself.”

He nods, “It makes sense, but what about now?”

I shrug, “I don’t know, maybe he just didn’t want to think about it so he forgot in a way.”

He nods again, “I guess.”

“He uh… He asked us to dinner tonight.” I bite my bottom lip, “He wants us to meet his girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?” he asks with a raised eyebrow.

I nod, “I guess they’ve been dating for five months and it’s pretty serious.”

“I’ll have to see if someone can watch Kenzie.”

I smile, “Thank you.” He shrugs.

“I only agreed because he seems to be in love with her and he’s worried he’s going to lose her.”

“Why’s that?” He asks, while scanning through his phone, hopefully searching for a suitable babysitter for tonight.

“Uh… He found out a while back that he can’t have kids and hasn’t told her yet.” I say and his head snaps back up to look at me, “I guess she wants kids and he doesn’t know how to break it to her he can’t make them.”

“Holy shit.”

I nod, “I felt horrible. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t have ever told me. I’m his sister and he was too embarrassed to tell me he’s sterile.”

Justin sighs, “That’s huge to a guy though. I’m sure in some way he thought if he said it, it would make it true and he’d feel less like a man from it.”

I nod, “I get that, but I’m his sister.”

“And he was the only man you had in your life.”

“I feel horrible. I didn’t know what to say. I just hope she takes it well, because he really loves her.”

“We’ll if she loves him, then they can work around it.”

“That’s what I said.”

He smiles, “Ok so dinner tonight with your brother… What about the phone call.”

I scrunch up my face nervously, “I got a call to be in a music video.”

He laughs, “As a dancer?”

I smack his arm, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.”

I glare at him, “I can dance.”

“I know, but what do they really want with you and who wants you?”

“I’m not really sure, I just know I’ll be naked most of the time.” I say with a straight face.

“You’ll what?” He asks, angrily. “Naked with who?”

I shrug, “I think Connie said something about a group shower with some rock band.” I pause in thought, “I think she said something about another girl and then five or six guys.”

“All naked in a shower together?” He squeaks out.

I nod, “Is that a problem?”

“It’s a very big problem.” He shakes his head, “Your not doing it.”

I scoff, “Ok Daddy. I didn’t realize you dictated my life, but thanks for the suggestion.”

“You’re not going to be naked with other men for a music video.”

“But you can all but fuck your dancers on stage next month at your benefit concert?” I say and his eyes go wild, “Yeah, baby I’ve seen your rehearsals.”

“I’m not fucking them and I’m not naked.”

I shrug, “I don’t see a difference.”

“You’ll be naked with a bunch of men with wandering hands.”

I couldn’t hold back anymore. I start laughing hysterically.

“What’s so fucking funny?”

“You.” I say in between laughs.

“It’s not funny. Your not doing it.”

“I know.” I say, my laughter dying down, “I was joking.”

He growls, glaring at me, “You better have been joking.”

I laugh again, “It’s for the Black Eyed Peas. They want a couple Angels to be in the video and I was one of the chosen. I guess it’s sexy, but I wont be naked with men in a shower.”

“Oh don’t worry, I’ll be there to make sure of it.”

I roll my eyes, “Overly protective much?”

“Music videos can get pretty nasty pretty quick.”

I grin, “Can they? Wow I’d love to hear this story.”

His eyes grow three sizes, “I-I didn’t mean me.”

I laugh, “Sure you didn’t. I’m sure you’ve been a saint in all your videos.”

“I wasn’t the bad one!” He defends, “But I’ve been apart of some videos that got out of hand.”

“Like?”

He runs his hand over his face, “We’re getting off topic. I’m coming to your video shoot. When is it?”

I laugh, “Friday.”

He nods, “Ok.”

“You can’t go until you tell me about theses horrible music videos though.”

He groans, “We’ll see.”

************************************************************************

“Does anyone want a drink?” Ryan asks, looking around the table.

“I’ll have some wine.” Gabrielle says, smiling.

She seems like a very nice girl. She’s been a little quiet, but it’s scary meeting family for the first time, so I can’t hold it against her.

“Justin or Lauren, I have everything you can think of.” Ryan says, looking at the two of us.

“I’ll have a Jack and Coke.” Justin says.

“I’ll have a cosmo.” I say, smiling. I grab Justin’s leg to let him know I’m joking. God forbid I even got within five feet of alcohol.

“Ok.” He says walking off.

He returned a few minutes later with all of our drinks, placing them in front of each of us.

He puts mine down, but grabs it back rather quickly, spilling a little on the table, “A cosmo?” he asks, looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

“Did something happen that I’m not aware of that made it ok for you to drink?” He asks, looking back and forth between me and Justin.

“Took you long enough.” I say rolling my eyes at him.

“Jesus, Lauren.” He says, walking back into the kitchen to get me a water.

I laugh and Gabrielle looks at us in confusion.

“I’m sorry, your probably wondering what the hells going on.” I say laughing, “I’m pregnant.”

“Oh wow. Congratulations.” she says with a sweet smile. “I can’t wait to be pregnant one day.”

My heart dropped, “Pregnancy isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.”

“But the result is incredible.”

“But you don’t have to get pregnant to get the same result.” I say and Justin pinched my thigh under the table.

She shrugs, “I guess, but I find it fascinating that you’re carrying a life inside you. It’s just an incredible experience that I can’t wait to have.”

I smile despite my horrible feelings.

She looks at me funny for minutes before looking towards the kitchen door then back to me, “Does your brother not want kids?”

Well, shit. This wasn’t the conversation I wanted to have tonight.

“I’m going to go see if I can help Ryan.” Justin says hopping up from his seat, jogging towards the kitchen.

Chicken.

“Lauren?” She says cautiously.

“Ryan loves kids. I’m sure he’d love to have his own.” He just can’t have them.

She smiles and I can’t help myself, I have to ask.

“Would it matter?”

“Well… No, I guess. I do want kids, but I do love him.”

“So if he told you he didn’t want kids, you’d stay?”

She sighs, “I wouldn’t leave him for just that reason.”

I nod, noticing she didn’t flat out say she would stay.

“Dinner’s almost ready.” Ryan says, entering the room with Justin right behind him.

“Good I’m starving.” I say smiling, “Do you have any pickles?” I ask, trying to get Ryan into the kitchen so I can talk to him.

“Uh.. I think so.” He says hesitantly.

“Can we go look, I’m really craving some pickles… oooh did you make any desert?” I ask, pushing him into the kitchen, the door swinging shut behind us.

“What the hell.. Pickles?” He asks, shaking his head.

“Ryan I don’t want any pickles.” I say as he searches the refrigerator. His head pokes around towards me and he looks at me in question.

“You have to tell her.” I say, “You need to tell her now.”

“Now? Before dinner?” he shakes his head, “I can’t do it right now Lauren.”

“I just had a conversation about pregnancy and having kids with her, you need to tell her.”

“You what?” He asks, his eyes going wild.

“Relax, it’s not like I started it or anything. She asked why I couldn’t drink so I had to tell her I was pregnant. Then she went off on how she can’t wait and I guess I wasn’t saying enough because she asked if you wanted kids.”

“What’d you tell her?” He asks in a whisper.

“I told her you loved kids and I’m sure you’d love to have kids of your own.”

He sighs in defeat, “I would.”

“Ryan, I’m so sorry.” I say while my eyes start to water.

“Don’t start the water works, she’ll wonder why you were crying.” he says, running a hand over his face and through his hair, fisting it in his hands and tugging.

I wipe the stray tear, “Ryan, you need to tell her, now.”

He nods with a deep sigh, “I’ll send Justin in.” He walks towards the door, then turns back towards me, “No eavesdropping.”

I scoff, “I would never.” I say as he his back disappears through the door.

I hope this goes well for him, I really do.

Ok, so I know I told Ryan I wouldn’t eavesdrop, but did he really think I wouldn’t. I mean come on. He’s telling his girlfriend he can’t have kids. I’m his sister for crying out loud, if shit goes down I’m going in there.

“Is everything alright?” Gabrielle asks, as Justin walks into the kitchen letting the door shut behind him.

“Get away from the door, Lauren.”

“Shh.” I say, waving him off. He rolls his eyes, walking over to stand next to me.

Who’s being nosey know?

“I have something I need to tell you.” I hear Ryan say softly.

“Ok,” She obviously pauses, “Does it have to do with having kids?”

“Oh shit.” I whisper, groaning.

I can just see him nodding, “Yes, but before you get upset, I want you to know I love kids. My sister is pregnant and I can’t wait for her to be here.”

“You just don’t want kids of your own.” She says, trying to finish his sentence.

“That’s not…”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me before? It’s been six months Ryan. You knew I wanted kids, why would you waste my time. I can’t believe this is happening to me.”

“Gabby, calm down. I never said…”

“I know you never said anything. Is there anything else you haven’t told me or are you done?”

“Is she going to let him finish?” I whisper harshly.

“Will you let me finish?” Ryan says at the same time.

Justin laughs, shaking his head, “You two are way too much alike.”

“Shut up.” I growl, turning my attention back to the door.

“Finish.” She says sadly.

He sighs, loudly, “I want kids, Gabby. I would give anything to have kids, especially with you, but I can’t.”

She laughs, “Is this a joke? If you don’t want kids you don’t need to make up this ridiculous story.”

“It’s not a story. I was told nine years ago that I couldn’t have kids by three doctors.” He says sadly.

“Then you need to go check with another doctor, because you can have kids.”

“What are you talking about? I can’t have kids.” He asks obviously as confused as Justin and I are.

“I’m pregnant, Ryan.” She says, and I gasp.

She’s pregnant? Are you kidding me? This is great… wait is it even his?

Oh boy.

“You’re what?” He asks breathlessly.

“I’m pregnant, so whatever those doctors told you, they were wrong.”

“Are you sure? I mean is it mine?”

She laughs, “Wow, if you weren’t so shocked I’d take offense to that.”

“So this is real? You’re really pregnant? With my child?” He chuckles nervously, “Seriously?”

“Seriously.” She says before she squeals.

I open the door to see Ryan, twirling Gabrielle around in a circle all while kissing her.

Justin wraps his arms around my waist, kissing my neck, “That went better than I thought it would.”

I chuckle, “Mmm me too.”

“Lauren!” He yells before noticing the two of us standing in the doorway.

“You were listening weren’t you?” He asks, shaking his head at me.

I laugh, “How long have you known me?” I joke, “Congratulations.”

He walks over, lifting me off the ground to twirl me around in circles, “I can’t believe this.”

He sets me back on the floor and the look on his face is priceless. My brother is going to be a father. I’m going to be an aunt. This is so crazy.

Holy shit, I’m going to be a mother.

This is so insane to me.

I remember back when Ryan and I were kids we used to talk about how we saw ourselves in the future and never once did either of us mention kids and a family. I think it was because we had such a screwed up childhood. I know I’m scared shitless that I’m going to somehow scar this kid for life. I know all too well what a crazy childhood can lead to and I know I’m pretty well off and I’m happy, but that doesn’t change all the emotional scars I have. I still cry sometimes, getting angry that my mother left me and my brother. I get angry that I decided to drink one night and on the way home from that party, I happened to be in the car that killed my father.

I guess there are just some things you can’t get over, but you learn to deal with them.

Whether it was our parents fault or not, that we had a bad childhood. It doesn’t mean we’re going to be shitty parents.

I think we’re going to be amazing parents.

“Wait a second. Did you really drink that wine I gave you?” Ryan asks, wide eyed.

She laughs, “I can have a glass of wine, the doctor told me it’s fine.”

He looks at me in confirmation and I nod, smiling, “Mine said the same thing, I’m just not a wine kinda gal.”

“I still can’t believe this. For years I’ve thought I couldn’t have kids and I can.” He says, still shocked.

“Believe it… We’re going to be parents.” I say, grinning at him.

“Did you ever think this would happen?”

“Having kids at the same time? Or having kids at all?”

He laughs, “Both.”

“Honestly,” I shake my head, “I never thought we’d have kids at the same time and for a long time I didn’t think I’d ever have kids. I didn’t think I was good enough to.”

“You’re not her, Lauren.” He says sadly.

I nod slowly, “I know that. If I have to use the rest of my life proving I’m not her, then I will.”

Justin rubs his hand up and down my back, kissing my temple, “You’re going to be an amazing mother and Ryan’s going to be a great dad.” He smiles, “neither of you have anything to worry about.”

“Says the man that doesn’t have to push a baby out of his vagina.” I say smirking at him.

“Wow, you’re right man. I have no worries.” Ryan says laughing.

“Fuck you both.” I say, rolling my eyes.

“At least I’ll have someone to go through it with me.” I say smiling at Gabby.

“Two people.” Justin says reminding me of Olivia.

“I hope we don’t all have our kids on the same day. Shit, that would be one busy little day.” I laugh, shaking my head.

“Let’s get all the pregnant women together and celebrate tomorrow night.” Ryan says, pulling Gabby closer to him, kissing the top of her head.

Six weeks.

That’s how long I have before little miss Timberlake graces us with her presence.

Six weeks. That’s really not that far away.

I have to admit, I’m scared shitless.

I honestly can’t believe how fast time flies.

Justin’s charity concert is in an hour so Mac and I are backstage and I’m trying desperately to get her in to see the Jonas Brothers before she goes to her seat with Trace. I’ve been playing the pregnant card with most of the security guards, but the one outside their door is just not having it right now.

He’s actually being quite the dick.

So I pull out my other card.

“I’m Justin Timberlake’s fiancé and this is his daughter.”

And that’s all it took to get the door opened. When we walked in, I seriously thought Mac was going to have a heart attack. She was breathing really fast and she was visibly shaking and I think she may start crying if one of them talks to her.

“I’m sorry to barge in right before you guys were supposed to be going out on stage, but I promised my daughter she could meet you guys.” I say, grabbing their attention, “I’m Lauren and this is Mackenzie.”

“You’re Justin’s wife right?” The older one, Kevin, says.

I smile, “Soon, yes. This is his daughter Mackenzie.”

“We know all about Mackenzie. We were actually waiting for the two of you. We have a surprise for Kenz, here.” Joe says.

I smile, knowing Justin wouldn’t just set up a meeting with them, he’d do something huge for her.

“Think you can come with us on stage, Mackenzie?” Nick, the one she’s desperately in love with says.

“I- I-” She stutters, wide eyed as he takes her hand.

I laugh, “That’s Timberlake for yes, I’d love to go on stage with you.”

“Why don’t you two follow us then.” Kevin says, as they all start to walk out of the room.

“Mac?” I say, shaking my head.

She screams, tears running down her face, “Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god…” She chants, breathing heavily.

I laugh, “Mac, we have to follow them if you want to go out on stage with them.”

She turns towards me wide eyed, “On… On... On stage?”

I laugh, “On stage with the Jonas Brothers!”

She screams again, this time all three of the brothers come rushing into the room along with Justin and Trace.

“What’s she screaming for?” Justin asks concerned.

“Why is she crying? Jesus, Lauren what’d you do to her?” Trace says, shaking his head at me jokingly.

I laugh, “she got a little excited and it was finally hitting her that she got to go on stage with them.”

“Well we need to get out there.” Joe says patting his brothers on the back, “You coming Mackenzie?”

She nods rather quickly, “Mmmhmmm.”

Wiping her eyes quickly with her sleeves, she takes Nick’s hand again and they lead her out onto the stage as they were announced.

Justin wraps his arms around my waist, well as much as her could anyways, as we watched from the side of the stage.

“We’d like you all to meet a very special friend of ours.” Kevin says to the crowd.

“This here is Mackenzie. Say hi Kenz.” Joe says, putting the mic in front of her mouth.

“Uh- Hi” She says nervously.

“Wow, she certainly didn’t get the love for the stage from you.” I say with a laugh.

“That’s for sure. She looks terrified and ecstatic at the same time.” Justin says with a laugh.

“It just so happens to be her birthday coming up and we wanted to give her a very special birthday. You think you guys can help us out with that?” Nick asks the crowd and everyone yells and claps.

“Ok, on the count of three I want to hear the best rendition of Happy Birthday you guys can do.” Joe says, wrapping an arm around Mackenzie’s shoulder.

“Ok. One! Two! Three!”

Everyone in the place started singing in one of the craziest versions of Happy Birthday I’ve ever heard. Trace taps Justin’s shoulder and I look to see he was rolling a giant birthday cake. I smile, taking a side of the cart, helping the two of them roll the cake out to her just in time for them to finish their song.

Nick and Joe turned Mackenzie around to see the cake and she jumped on Justin.

“Thank you Daddy.” She cried.

“Your welcome, baby.”

************************************************************************

“Have I told you how incredibly sexy you are when your on stage?” I ask Justin, as he enters our bedroom.

I slide under the covers, pulling them up over my giant belly, laying down to finally relax.

“I don’t think I’ve heard that once tonight. I was beginning to think I’d lost my touch.” He joked, as he undressed and slid under the covers.

“You certainly have not lost your touch.”

“Did you have fun tonight?” He asks, leaning on his elbow to face me.

“I did. It was fun seeing the Black Eyed Peas again.”

He grins, “Hell, I just wish I could get more of those scenes you were in on tape. That video was hot baby.”

I laugh, “And you didn’t want me to be in it.”

“It was sexy as hell and I’m damn glad you were in it.”

“I’m just glad you couldn’t really see my bump.”

“Oh I saw your bump alright.” he grins, “In fact I saw two very nice looking bumps earlier today that I’m pretty sure need my attention.”

“Do they?”

He leans forward, kissing me, “I think they do.”

He pulls the top of my tank top down, kissing his way down.

“Oh god.” I breathe out shakily.

“Feel good already, baby?” He asks, grinning up at me.

I shake my head, “Not particularly.”

His head snaps up, “What?”

“You might want to get up.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“If you don’t want to get wet, get up now, Justin.”

He jumps up off the bed, pulling the blanket and sheet with him.

“Holy shit.” He says, wide eyed, “Concert that good or did you just piss the bed?”

I start breathing heavily, “I think I’m in labor.”

“You what?”

“Labor. I think I’m in labor.” I point to the giant wet spot on the bed, “My water broke.”

“You have six weeks left. How can you be in labor?”

I shrug, sitting up, “I don’t know, but can you help me to the shower so I clean this shit off?”

He nods, “Wait.” He runs into the bathroom, turning the shower on, letting it warm up. He comes out of the bathroom gloriously naked, walking towards me. I grin, biting my lower lip.

He laughs, “Come on, take off your clothes.”

“Do you really think this is the best time for us to be doing this? I mean the baby’s coming.”

“Enough smartass, get undressed so we can shower and get you to the hospital.”

Forty-five minutes and a scary drive in the backseat of Trace’s car later we were at the hospital. I feel like I’ve been pushed and shoved and prodded far more than I should be at this stage.

Then the doctor told me I still had a ways to go.

So all that rushing and pushing the nurses did when we got here was completely unneeded. And if one more person comes in and says they have to check how dilated I am, I may scream. Why can’t it just be one person every time? I feel like I’m being violated over and over again.

It’s really starting to creep me out.

In all honesty, this whole thing is really creeping me out. I’m about to pop out a kid from a place that I’m pretty sure stretches to the max every time Justin’s dick goes near it. I don’t think it would freak me out so bad if a baby was the size of his dick, but I’m not stupid and I’m sure this child is going to be a little bit bigger than that.

“You doing ok?” Justin asks, pushing the stray hair off my face.

“I will be when this is all over.”

“Nervous mom?”

I smile at Mac, “I think I’m supposed to be nervous. I’m pretty sure they told me it came with the room.”

She giggles, “I’m excited. I can’t believe I’m going to be a big sister today.”

“Maybe tomorrow.” The nurse says, bringing the mood in the room down yet again.

“I’ll know more when I check to see how far you’re dilated.”

I groan, “How many more people are going to get to stick their fingers up my vagina today?”

The nurse smiles, “Honey, I can’t do anything about that. I just do what the chart tells me to.”

“Well do you think we could keep it down to two or three? I’m starting to think not getting that wax last week was a bad idea.”

She laughs, “Honey, at least you’re in good spirits. Your friendly neighbor to the right has been throwing anything she can get her hands on at anyone that walks in the door that isn’t going to pull her child out of her.”

I smile, “I haven’t gotten that far yet.”

She nods, “Spread your legs nice and wide for me.”

“I thought that was my line?” Justin says, grinning.

I groan when she inserts her fingers, “If I didn’t have a woman’s hand shoved up my vagina, I’d strangle you for being a smartass.”

The nurse chuckles, “Alright your about ready.”

I snap my head towards her, “Ready for what? My wax?”

She smiles, “No sweetie, you’re at about ten centimeters. I’m going to let the doctor know and we’ll be in shortly to get you ready to start pushing.”

“Pushing? Like, actually pushing?”

She grins, “I’ll be right back.”

“I can’t do this.” I say, looking over at Justin.

“If I can you can.” Olivia says, walking in the door.

“Livy!”

“Hey mama, how you feeling?”

“Scared.”

“You can do this, Laur.” she smiles, “Just think you’ll be the one giving me advice on what to do in a few weeks and all of this will just be a crazy memory.”

“She’s right sweetie.” Lynn says, walking into the room with Derek and Paul, “After the baby’s out, you wont even remember the pain.”

“You’re lying right?”

She laughs, “I’m being honest. I didn’t remember any of the pain after he was out. The love you feel for that little baby, makes any pain you may have or have had go away just like that.” She snaps her fingers and smiles.

“You better not be lying to me.”

“Ok, I’m going to need only the people staying for the birth in here, the rest will have to wait in the waiting room.”

“Good luck Laur.” Olivia says, kissing my forehead.

“Good luck.” Derek says, rubbing my belly.

“Thanks guys.” I say nervously.

“We’ll be right down the hall.” Lynn says, pulling Paul out of the room with her.

“Did you call Ryan?” I ask Justin, wondering why he hasn’t shown up yet.

“Someone say my name?” He says from the door. “I hear it’s time to have a baby.”

“Are you staying for the birth, sir?” The doctor asks, as the nurses get me into the delivery position.

He looks down at me, “No I just wanted to wish my little sister good luck.”

He leans down, kissing my forehead, “Good luck Lauren Grace.”

“Congrats, man.” he says, shaking Justin’s hand.

“Thanks Decker.”

I watch him leave the room then the rest just seems like a big blur. I remember a lot of pressure, a lot of pushing and a hell of a lot of relief when that little girl finally came into the world. I remember crying, but happy tears. I was a little upset when they took her away, but they needed to clean her off, and my job wasn’t done yet either.

But nothing, nothing in the world will ever compare to the moment they gave her back to me to hold her for the first time. Everyone left the room and it was just the three of us. Justin sat on the other side of the bed, leaning against my shoulder so he could stare down at her. It seemed to be the only thing either one of us could do.

Well, beside cry, anyway.

She’s absolutely perfect in every way.

“Welcome to the world.” Justin whispers, putting his finger in her hand for her to hold.

“We need to name her.”

“Haley Grace.”

“Haley Grace?”

He nods, “Your dad’s name was Hal so I figured Haley was close enough and I love your middle name.”

I smile, leaning over to kiss him before turning back to my little girl.

“Welcome to the world, Haley Grace.”