The Celebrity & the Fender by hp5010

Dear Rosie:

You often say on your show you want to hear extra-ordinary stories about ordinary people. I believe the story I have for you fits that criteria to a "t". It all started with a celebrity and my daughter…

~*~ A few weeks ago ~*~

"I can't believe this," Amanda said as she quickly braked her car to avoid the wall of vehicles in front of her. "I am so stupid," she added as she quickly grabbed her cell phone to call work. Normally traffic was not a problem for her as she usually had to be at work at 7am, but today, she was picking up an afternoon overtime shift for a few extra bucks. Out of habit, she automatically took Interstate 4, forgetting how the freeway could become a parking lot after 11am as every tourist within a 30 mile radius headed to Walt Disney World.

Just as she was about to dial, she heard a crunching sound and found herself thrown forward then back into her seat. Confused, she looked at the car in front of her; afraid she'd not stopped quickly enough. It looked clear. She then looked in her rearview mirror and knew from the look on the driver behind her, she had been rear-ended. "I CAN NOT BELIEVE THIS," she yelled, to no one in particular as she put her car into park, put on the emergency break, hit the hazard flashers, and quickly stepped out of her car.

As she walked down the side of her car, the guy who had hit her stepped out of his Jeep Grand Cherokee. They both stood and inspected the damage before saying a word. The SUV suffered nearly no damage, just a bit a green paint on the bumper. Amanda's car, however, was not so lucky. Her bumper was crunched, the trunk door was caved in, both sets of lights were broken and, because he had hit off center, the driver's side fender was bent in. Tears formed in Amanda's eyes

"Are you ok," the guy asked as he touched her elbow.

"Yeah, it's just I've had this car for less than a year and it was my first new car, I'll be fine in a minute" Amanda replied as she wiped the tear that fell from her cheek and took a deep breath. "We need to move the cars from the road and call the highway patrol." Before the guy could say anything, she went back to her car. After a few minutes, and a couple rude comments to people who refused to let them move from the middle lane to the shoulder, they were back to looking at the cars. Just as Amanda reached for her phone, the guy made a suggestion that took her by surprise.

"Um, listen, do you have to call the police? If you could just give me an estimate of the damage, I will pay for everything, including a nice rental car while yours is in the shop," he said as he took his sunglasses off. Before then, his face had been hidden by a hat and the sunglasses. Amanda almost had to bite her tongue in two to keep from smiling.

"Sorry, JC, there's well more than a thousand dollars worth of damage. I don't care who you are or how rich you are, I'm reporting this," she answered as she dialed the highway patrol.

"Wait a sec, how do you know who I am," he asked in confusion.

Amanda smiled, "I used to watch MMC and you're the reason I started liking *Nsync five years ago. I've been to multiple concerts from Virginia to Florida, I have almost every CD y'all have released, and would never have wished to run into you one day if the gods above were to take it literally." She wasn't harsh but almost smiling. It intrigued the celebrity.

"Ok, let me get this straight, you're a fan and yet you're standing there as if I were a normal person?" He wasn't used to that kind of treatment though he always wished for it.

"Um, yep. You are a normal person with an extraordinary job," she responded. Just as he was about to reply, she held a finger up. "Yes, I'd like to report an accident. I-4 West just past the acceleration lane of the Bee Line. Green Honda Civic and Black Jeep Grand Cherokee. Ok. Thank you." She then quickly called her insurance agency and reported the accident to them. "Do you want to call your insurance agency now or later," she asked as she held out her phone for him to use.

"I've got my own, thank you," JC replied slightly miffed. The last thing he needed was more points on his driving record. "You know, I may loose my license because of this," he said as he walked over to the front fender of his car and leaned against it and folded his arms across his chest.

"And you know what that tells me," she said as she walked over to him.

"What's that," he replied gruffly.

"You need to stop having people drive you around everywhere," she answered with a playful smile. He rolled his eyes. She got serious then. "Listen JC, it's nothing personal, I'm not doing this because you're a celebrity or anything. I've just had a run of bad luck recently and I just want my bases covered, ok," she asked as she lightly touched his arm to get him to look at her. He could tell by her eyes and voice that she was being sincere.

"I understand. It was presumptuous of me to ask you not to report it. I'm sorry. Forgive me?" He held out his right hand.

"Provided your insurance gives me no grief, you're forgiven," she said with a smile as she shook his hand. She then laughed slightly.

"What's so funny," JC asked with a quizzical expression.

"Oh, it's just times like this that I wish I had invested in a gas guzzling SUV than my nice fuel efficient car." He looked at her and raised an eyebrow. "Because they ride higher, the bumper would have absorbed more of the impact and more than likely there would have been less damage. Oh well, c'est la vie," she finished just as the highway patrol pulled up.

Thirty minutes later, the highway patrol finished taking their statements and investigating the damage. It was a simple case of failure to reduce speed to avoid and accident and JC would be charged.

Just as Amanda was about to get in her car, JC called out, "Hey, if you had bought a SUV, what would you have gotten?"

She looked back at him, "Toyota 4-Runner, indigo blue, four wheel drive with every bell and whistle."

"That's a forty-five thousand dollar car and you probably didn't pay twenty for that Civic," JC called back.

"Yeah, now you know why I went with the Civic," she replied with a knowing grin. "No hard feelings?"

"None," he yelled back. They both got into their cars and drove away. On the way to his insurance agent, he thought of ways to make up what he had done to her.

There was a loud knock on her door. She just laid in bed, hoping it was a dream and not someone knocking on her door at 8am on her only day off that week. The knocking came again. She groaned. "Just a minute," she yelled out as she climbed out of bed and threw on a terry cloth robe. She opened the door to her apartment. She squinted at the bright sunlight.

"Amanda Parrish," the gentleman in a green polo shirt with the Toyota emblem on it asked.

"Yeah," she answered.

"I have a delivery for you. I just need you to sign here," he indicated on the clipboard he held.

"Um, what is it, I don't own a Toyota," she questioned before she signed the paper.

"Apparently you do now," he replied with a smile.

"Uh," she asked in total confusion.

"Come take a look," he said as he reached for her hand.

She jumped back as she had been bitten by a rattlesnake and slammed the door in the gentleman's face. "If you think I'm going to fall for that, you've got another think coming," she said as she redid the dead bolt for the door and grabbed a chair from the dining room set and shoved it under the handle.

"Miss, I don't know what you're talking about. I was just told to deliver this vehicle to this address to a woman with your name," the gentleman said, sounding exasperated.

"Fine, what is your name?" Amanda asked as she picked up the phone and pulled out the phone book. She looked up the dealership and dialed the number. She noted the number of the dealership on the invoice on the clipboard she still held in her hands was the same as the one in the phone book.

"John Phillips." Amanda quickly verified with the dealership the information. When she hung up the phone, she opened the door and sheepishly peered up at the gentleman.

"I'm sorry," she apologized.

"Actually, you don't have anything to be sorry about, I realize how it may have seemed, and I just hope my little sister is as smart as you were if she had been in that situation," he said as she signed the invoice on the clipboard. "Just one question, how do you know the number you dialed was to the dealership?"

"Because I didn't use your invoice, I used the yellow pages," she replied with a smirk.

"Even better thinking. Now, here are your keys, the warranty information, and owner's manual," he said as he handed over a large envelope.

"One other thing, who is this from," she asked as she peer over the railing to the parking lot down below. There, a flat bed truck was unloading an indigo blue 4-runner wrapped in huge red ribbon with a gigantic bow centered on the hood.

"Oh, yeah, and this," John said as he handed a card to her before bounding down the steps.

She quickly ripped open the enveloped

and pulled the card out. It was a light cream heavy card stock with the words "I'm Sorry" embossed on the front. She opened the card. It read:

I'm sorry for wrecking your first new car. Please accept this gift as a replacement. JC
P.S. Answer your phone

Just then, her phone rang in her hand and she looked at it as if it were possessed. She quickly pushed the "talk" button. "Hello?"

"Look down." She looked down to see JC, cell phone in one hand, bouquet of yellow roses in the other. "I'm sorry."

Amanda hung the phone up and just smiled in bewilderment. She had no idea how to react to JC and his gift.

"JC, I can't accept this," Amanda said as she handed the keys and envelope of information to JC.

"Is the wrong color. The 2002's don't come in Indigo Blue so I had it custom painted. Just say the word and I'll have it changed," JC responded. He was baffled by the woman standing in front of him. He wasn't used to people telling him "no".

"No, the color is fine, perfect, it's just…"

"What, gold emblems instead of silver…"

"No, silver is perfect. I just cannot accept this. My car will be fixed in a couple days and after that we can put what happened to us last week behind us." She was trying to be firm but finding it harder and harder to resist him.

"Do you want something different? I hear the Dodge Durango is quite nice and Joey loves his Cadillac Escalade…"

"JC, no, I don't need a car. Please, just take the keys and take it back," Amanda said again, putting the keys into JC's hand.

"Please, I don't know how else to say I'm sorry for damaging your first new car," JC pleaded.

"JC, you just said it," she responded quietly with a small smile playing on her lips.

"Then please take the car, do whatever you want with it," he said as he handed the keys back to her.

She sighed. She was tired and didn't want to argue with him any more. And it was a great gift. And she knew she was going to regret accepting it…. "Ok, fine, I'll take it," she said reluctantly.

JC didn't know what to say so he grabbed her in a bear hug and picked her up and spun her around.

"Thank you, thank you, you don't know how much better it makes me feel," JC beamed when he put her down.

"JC," she said, "Take this anyway you want, but you've got to realize that you don't have to buy someone an expensive gift to make them feel better or forgive you for something you've done. And when you learn that, you'll be a much better person. Thank you for the gift." She took her flowers and headed back up the stairs to her apartment leaving JC standing with his mouth half open.

"Hey wait a sec, where are you going," he yelled up to her.

"Back to bed, I was up till 4am last night," she replied through a yawn.

"Don't you want to take your new ride out for a test drive? I'll come with you," JC said back with his award-winning smile. Amanda knew it was no use arguing.

"Fine, let me change. Could you take the bow off the car, it creates a terrible blind spot…."

Five minutes later she stepped out of her apartment and locked the door behind her. He didn't know why, but the sight of her made him catch his breath. Maybe it was how she was unaware of how beautiful she was in her low slung jeans and pink tank top with her brown hair piled messily on her head. Maybe it was how she reacted around him, treating him as he were the guy next door. Maybe it was how she always found his character flaws and pointed them out, politely. Whatever it was, he wanted to get to know her better.

"So, where are we going," JC asked as they climbed into the SUV.

"Well, since I'm up, I might as well get some errands done," Amanda responded as she adjusted the seat and mirrors. As she started the vehicle, she pulled her sunglasses off her head, causing a few strands to come loose from her messy bun. She tucked them behind her ears as she adjusted the radio to her favorite station. She looked over at JC to see if the selection was ok and caught him staring at her. "What, do I have snot running out of my nose?"

JC realized he was caught. "Um, no, I was just, ummm…"

"Staring," she finished for him.

"Yeah," he answered as he blushed.

As they drove along, they sat in silence. After five minutes, Amanda couldn't stand it anymore. "I've always pegged you as the strong silent type. But never would I have guessed you'd invite yourself on someone's first drive in her new car and then stare at her the whole time without speaking."

Just as he was about to speak, Amanda cut him off. "Oh, turn it up, great song," she said as she started to sing along. "Don't pretend your sorry, I know you're not, I know you've got the power, to make me weak in side, girl you leave me breathless…"

"What are you doing," JC said, slightly astonished she was singing a song by the Backstreet Boys.

"Impressing you with my awful voice so that maybe you'll take me on tour as your opening act," she grinned at him.

"Ummm, Amanda, I hate to tell you this…"

"But I don't have a voice that can be commercially marketed."

"Uh, yeah, that's putting it nicely," he smiled.

"Oh, come one, it wasn't that bad."

"Ok, I've got to admit, it wasn't the worst I've heard…"

"Oooo, I'll quite while I'm ahead," she said as she pulled into a parking space at the Wal-Mart Super Center. "Hey, I didn't even think to ask, are you ok to be out in public with out one of the jolly black giants with you?"

"Yep, got that covered," he said as he reached into her glove compartment and pulled out a hat and sunglasses.

"What are those doing in my car?"

"Hiding." She looked at him funny. "Hey, don't look at me in that tone of voice young lady," he scolded.

"Yes sir," she pouted then broke into a smile.

Thirty minutes later, they were loading the groceries into the car.

"I've never seen someone shop at Wal-Mart that fast," JC said as he picked up the last bag.

"Well, when you're on a limited time budget, you learn to power shop," she said as she shut the lift gate. "But I don't know how you can comment on my power shopping abilities, you must be good at it, especially at Wal-Mart seeing as how you've got to be in here pretty often."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, the whole comment about never wearing the same socks twice, among other things, and that Wal-Mart is such a great thing…"

He blushed. "I never thought they'd publish that."

"Hey, you've got to expect that since it wasn't the normal 'How's the tour going?' or 'What do you look for in a girl?'…."

"Down to earth, good sense of humor, able to cook, confidant, understands the nature of my work, independent, outspoken but polite, has a career of her own. Someone that looks absolutely beautiful in jeans and a tank top," he finished softly as he leaned down and gently placed a feather-light kiss on her lips. "Need I go on?"

"Um, no," she said as she turned away and walked to the front of the car. JC sighed and headed towards the passenger side.

They drove back to her apartment in silence. Amanda didn't know how to respond to the kiss while JC was afraid anything he said would make the situation worse.

"Can I help you with these bags," JC asked as they got out of the vehicle once she'd parked it at her apartment building.

"Um, sure," she said quietly. The each grabbed a several bags, unloading the SUV completely, and headed up to her third floor apartment. When she opened the door, she set her bags just inside the door and turned around. She reached for the bags he held.

"I'm sorry for the kiss," JC apologized as he handed the bags to her and she placed them inside. Just as she was about to speak, he interrupted her. "Actually, ya know what, I'm not sorry for it. I wanted to kiss you. And I thought you wanted me to," he said with both anger and sadness in his voice.

Amanda searched for the words. She liked the kiss. But she was confused. "JC," she started while searching his eyes. God how she loved those eyes. She wanted to kiss him, to feel his soft, tender lips on hers again. To feel the electricity again that had coursed through her body with the first kiss. She lowered her eyes and spoke. "JC, I don't know how to interpret your actions."

"What do you mean," he replied with confusion, trying to probe her eyes for the reason behind her emotions.

"First you give me a very expensive gift," she said as she waved her hand to the 4-Runner below, "and then you kiss me. And I liked the kiss, but then I wonder if you're doing this because you like me or if because I'm just someone who told you 'no' and therefore needs to wooed, taken to bed, then never called again," she said, her voice full of emotions.

"I never meant you any harm," he said as he took a step closer to her. She lifted her head and looked him in the eyes. "I just…," he started then stopped. And before he could think, he leaned down and kissed her gently.

At first she didn't respond. Then he reached behind her, placing one hand on the small of her back and the other behind her head and pulled her closer. She felt herself respond to the heat of his body, wrapping her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. Their bodies melded together, their frames perfectly matched for the other. After what seemed like an eternity, he pulled his head away from hers and looked into her eyes to see if everything was ok. She smiled back at him and moved forward to capture his lips with hers. He smiled then pulled away teasingly and then moved back towards her. When she tried to kiss him again, he again pulled away. When a look of concern flashed in her eyes, he quickly moved to cover her lips with his. Her hands wondered down his strong shoulders as he found the clip in her hair. He freed her long hair and ran his fingers through it. He soon broke the kiss again and gently kissed her forehead. He then laid feather-light kisses on each of her eyelids. Amanda responded by holding him closer.

As JC made his way to her neck, leaving a trail of kiss in his wake, Amanda opened her eyes and looked at the ceiling. Tears came to her eyes. She quickly moved her hands to his chest and pushed him away. "I'm sorry, I can't do this," she said with tears pouring down her face. She quickly stepped inside her apartment and shut the door before she could look at his face or he could respond.

"Amanda, open up," JC said as he pounded on the door.

"JC, go away," she answered, leaning her forehead against the door.

"But, that kiss…"

"It meant nothing," she lied. "Now, please go away."

"Nothing… but," he said confused as tears formed in his eyes. "I..," he couldn't think straight. He looked at the door and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. He kept trying to put a rational sentence together but couldn't. A minute or two later he turned from the door, bewildered, and walked down the steps to his Jeep.

Amanda, still crying, turned her back to the door and sat down and cried. She pulled the keys to her new vehicle out of her pocket and looked at them. She knew she couldn't keep it, but also knew JC would never take the car back. She leaned her head back against the door as she heard JC pull out of the parking lot, tires screaming. She tried to wipe the tears from her eyes, but they kept coming. Finally, after several minutes, she pulled herself up; found a Kleenex to wipe her eyes and nose. She placed the keys on the table by the door and quickly picked up the grocery bags and placed them haphazardly in her refrigerator. As she walked to the bedroom, she undid her jeans and stepped out of them. She crawled into bed and pulled the covers up around her chin and tried to forget the kiss she has just shared with JC.

The envelope came by courier early that same evening. JC signed for the standard sized, plain envelope with his type written address. Curious as to what it was, he opened it before he stepped off his front stoop.

JC, here is a copy of the receipt from the dealership for the return of the vehicle. Also enclosed is a copy of the receipt from Challenge for the Children where the money was donated in your name. Have a great break and I look forward to seeing you back on tour next year. Cordially, Amanda

JC sighed in frustration and turned and stepped inside the house, slamming the door in the process. He was just about to crumple the papers when he was interrupted.

"What was that about," Joey asked, standing in the doorway from the kitchen to the foyer.

"Oh, just that a gift I bought a girl has been sold with the money given to charity," JC answered with disdain.

"Who's charity and for how much?"

"Ours and about $45,000.00 in my name," he said with a slight smile as he imagined the accountants face when they saw the check in his name….

Joey was confused. "Ok, now you've got a story to tell," he said as he and JC walked back into the kitchen. They stood around the kitchen island making sandwiches as JC told the story about him and Amanda.

"Well, I can see her side," Joey started.

"Uh, how can you take her side. She totally led me on with that kiss," JC exclaimed practically yelling.

"JC, if she were teasing you, would she have been crying," Joey pointed out.

"Well…," JC said thoughtfully.

"Yeah. Which tells me there's more to the story than you know. Heck, she's probably confused by her actions herself. Give her a couple days then try again. Try to get to know her. Woo her. Don't give into every urge to kiss her, you'll scare her. Let her kiss you the next time. And above all, let her know your intentions are completely honorable, that you're not trying to get her to bed."

"I never was," JC said quietly.

"She doesn't know that," Joey pointed out.

JC thought for a moment as he took a bite of his sandwich. When he cleared his mouth, she spoke, "Hey, when did you get so smart about women?"

"Being married to Kelly as long as I have, I've picked up a few things," Joey answered then quickly grimaced.

JC spewed the sip of soda he had just taken. "Come again," JC said after he recovered from shock. "You and Kelly… married? Since when?!?!?"

"Since we found out about Brianna."

"Joey! That's nearly two years…"

"I know," Joey replied with a blissful smile.

"And when were you going to tell us…"

"When the time was right…"

"And there's never been a right time in the past two years?"

"No, not exactly."

JC sighed. "You know, PR's going to have a hay day when they find out about this."

"I know, they need to earn the money we've been paying them," Joey replied with a devilish grin. JC shook his head as he took another bite of his sandwich. * * * * *

"Amanda, the office is not the place to receive flowers. Please tell your secret admirer to send them to your residence or we will start throwing them away," her supervisor said as she walked into the front office for her shift several days later. She stopped in her tracks. What appeared to be ten different bouquets of flowers covered every open desk space there was. She took the card from the nearest bouquet and opened it.

"I'm sorry, it won't happen again," Amanda said as bewilderment then anger flashed through her system. "Carl," she said to the Front Office Manager, "can I use your office to make a personal call about this situation," she said as she waved her hand over the office.

"Yeah, but don't be too long, we're expecting a heavy check-in today," he replied then walked over to the waiting desk agents to brief them on the afternoon's events.

As she walked into her manager's office, she pulled the accident report from her purse and sat down. She punched the numbers on the paper and waited as the phone rang.

"Hello," a familiar voice came over the line.

"Are you trying to get me fired," she spat angrily. She was fighting every urge to strangle him and was glad he wasn't standing in front of her.

"I see you got the flowers. I thought you'd like them," JC responded, his voice tinged with sadness.

"Whether or not I like them is not the point. You don't send ten bouquets of flowers to a person's place of work. It's not professional and reflects poorly on me and I cannot afford to loose this job," she continued.

"I'm sorry if I caused problems with your supervisors. Do I need to come pick them up," he asked. She could hear the hurt in his voice.

She softened. "No, I'll take them home and try and find places for them in my apartment," she said. Just then her supervisor knocked on the window to the office. She motioned she'd be one more minute.

"Speaking of your apartment," JC started without thinking. "I saw how small that was. What if I rented you a much bigger and better place? Like a house or something?"

Anger coursed through her veins again and took a deep breath trying to calm her nerves but it did no good. "JC, I can not believe you can make such a proposition," she yelled into the phone. "I am not a prize that is going to be auctioned off to the highest bidder. I refuse to be treated like an object. Go to hell," she finished and slammed down the phone.

She took a deep breath and walked into the main office and immediately saw all eyes were on her. "Sorry," she said quietly.

"What do you want to do with the flowers," Carl asked. He could see she was extremely upset.

"Um, do whatever. Give them to a hospital or the next ten guests that check in. I don't want to see them," she replied walking over to her mailbox.

"And the cards?"

"I guess collect them and put them in my box. I don't care," she answered and took a deep breath. Then turned around with a smile on her face. "Now, let's get to those 1300 guests checked-in, shall we?"

* * * * *

"JC you didn't," Joey said after JC relayed the most recent conversation with Amanda to his friend.

"Yeah, I did," he mumbled. They were sitting at Joey's kitchen table. Joey was bouncing Brianna on his lap. JC was resting his head in his hands, his elbows on the table providing support. "You told me to woo her," JC said as he looked up at his friend.

"What part of 'woo her' entails sending nearly a dozen flower arrangements to her office and then offering to put her in a house," Joey asked, getting frustrated with how dense his friend was being.

"I didn't think, I just acted and spoke."

"Um yeah, I think that's obvious."

"Hey, I don't need grief from you, I got enough of that from her," he said as he placed his head back into his hands.

"OK, in two days, send her a simple bouquet of flowers, to her apartment, with a card that simply says that you're sorry."

JC looked back up at his friend. "Will that work?"

"It's a start. Then move on from there, take her out to dinner some place. But don't overwhelm her!"

"Ok, we'll try that."

The knock came at 8am. Amanda groaned. "This is not happening again," she groaned as she rolled out of bed. "I swear I'm never going to be able to sleep in on my day off again," she said as she pulled on her terry cloth robe. She was getting a sense of déjà vu and hated to open the door for fear of who was going to be on the other side. She peered out the peephole and groaned. She opened the door a crack and peered out at JC.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry, for everything," he said sincerely as he held a small but eloquent bouquet out to her.

Amanda sighed. Against her better judgment she opened the door and motioned him in. She took the flowers as he passed her. "Thanks," she said as she walked to the kitchen and pulled out a vase.

"Did I wake you," he said as he looked around her small and meagerly furnished apartment.

"Nah, I just love the fresh out of bed look," she said sarcastically.

"Sorry," he replied as he turned to the kitchen. She stood there arranging the flowers, and as he watched, his heart ached for her. He wanted to reach out and feel her body against his again, to run his fingers through her hair. He wanted desperately to kiss her again. He had never experience a kiss as powerful as the one they had shared a week ago and he was haunted by it. "Is there anything I can do to make things right between us," he asked as he sat down on her couch.

She turned to him. He looked great and she could smell him from across the room. His shirt was just tight enough for her to see the muscles in his arms and chest. She longed to be held by those arms again, to feel as safe and protected again as she felt the week before. "JC," she said, "there's nothing you can do. I don't want anything from you. My car's fixed; it looks good as new again. There's nothing more to be done." Afraid of what she'd do if she were closer to him, she stayed in the kitchen.

"Can I take you to dinner," he asked hopefully.

"No," she said bluntly.

"Why," he asked. Again, she could hear the hurt in his voice.

"Because I don't have time for a relationship right now," she answered.

"Not even just as friends?"

"JC, you and I both know that would never work out. That kiss last week showed that," she said. For the first time in a week she admitted the kiss actually meant something.

"But I thought you said it meant nothing," he pointed out. "Did she just admit it meant something," he thought.

She could see in his face what he was thinking. "I meant nothing, to me. But it obviously meant something to you," she lied. His face fell.

"If I promise to be on my best behavior, can I take you out," he asked one last time.

"JC, I can't. I just don't have the time or money," she replied. She was going to be strong.

"And if I paid?"

"Then we'd be right back in the same boat. I'm not going to take anything from you," she said. "If he doesn't quite, I'm going to end up saying 'yes'," she thought.

"Fine," he said as he got up. "I meant what I said. I'm sorry for everything," he continued as he walked to the door and opened it. Just as he stepped out, he turned to her. "And that dinner invitation is always open," he said. He then turned and shut the door.

Amanda stood in the kitchen as tears came to her eyes again. She wanted to love him, but still did not know what his intentions truly were. She wiped her eyes and headed back to bed.

* * * * *

Two days later, when she came home from her normal morning shift at the hotel, she found a note on the door. It was a furniture company saying they had tried to deliver something. A small smile played on her lips. She knew what it was and she was not going to give into his game again.

"Yes, I need to speak to the manager please," she said to the receptionist at the furniture store when she answered on the third ring.

"May I ask what this is regarding," the receptionist replied coldly.

"Yes, it is concerning a purchase Mr. Chasez has made," Amanda answered.

The tone of the receptionist immediately warmed. "One moment ma'am."

After several minutes, a strong male voice came over the line. "Yes sir, is there a problem?" He clearly thought it was JC calling.

"It's ma'am, sir. Actually, I need to refuse delivery of a purchase Mr. Chasez has made," Amanda replied politely.

"Sorry ma'am. What do you mean refuse? Is there a problem with it," the manager asked, taken aback that someone would refuse furniture from his store.

"I don't know sir, I've never seen it. But I cannot accept his gift."

"Well the furniture is paid for in full. And it's quite lovely. Are you sure you don't want it?"

"I'm quite sure. Please refund Mr. Chasez his money."

The manager hesitated. He had been warned this situation might arise. "I'm sorry, I can't do that. I have specific orders not to do a refund for this purchase."

Amanda was beginning to understand what JC had done. "Ok. Then please deliver it to this address," she said as she rattled off an address.

"That's different that the delivery address Mr. Chasez specified," the manager pointed out.

"Yes sir. The address is to the Goodwill regional office. When it is delivered, please send a receipt of the donation to Mr. Chasez," she said.

"Well, hmmm," the manager stalled.

"Did Mr. Chasez give any specific instructions as to whether or not the furniture could be donated to charity?"

"Well no…"

"Good then, it's settled. I'll be calling Goodwill tomorrow to check on the donation. Thank you and have a great day Mr. Vaughn," Amanda answered cordially before hanging up the phone.

* * * * *

When JC received the receipt of donation in the mail three days later, he shook his head.

"What did she do now," Joey asked. He had seen the look in JC's eyes and immediately knew the paper in his hands had something to do with Amanda.

"Oh, just donated the furniture I bought for her to Goodwill," JC replied with a bit of a smile. Joey was surprised he was being as good-natured as he was.

"Ok, you're taking this too well," Joey said.

"It just means I need to up the stakes."

* * * * *

It was 5pm and Amanda was standing in front of the refrigerator trying to decide what she wanted for dinner when there was a knock at her door.

"Hello," she said with a smile as she opened the door. The gentleman on the other side of the door was dressed in a tuxedo.

"Yes, these are for you," the man said as he handed a nicely wrapped box to her.

"Thank you," she said and then closed the door.

She sat the box on her makeshift coffee table. She carefully unwrapped the box. Inside were three black velvet boxes: one that was large and flat, a medium cube, and a smaller cube. They were stacked on one another and secured with a silver ribbon. She lifted the boxes out of the box and set them on the coffee table. She undid the ribbon.

She opened the first large box. It contained a delicate pearl and diamond necklace and bracelet set. She sat the box aside and reached for the larger of the two cubes. She opened it to find a diamond and pearl encrusted watch. She sat that next to the first box and reached for the third box. This one contained a pair of large diamond solitaire earrings. She sighed as she sat them down next to the other boxes and then just stared at them. "Well, if I sold them, I wouldn't have to worry about the bills for a year," she thought. She then shook her head, "I can't believe I just thought that. If I did that, he'd win." She quickly closed the boxes and placed them in the large box they came in.

Grabbing her purse and the boxes, she left the apartment. Forty minutes later and three wrong turns, Amanda finally found her way to JC's house. He lived in one of the exclusive gated communities but she had no problems with the security officer at the guardhouse at the community's entrance. She was told she was welcome anytime, day or night, per Mr. Chasez's instructions.

As she pulled up the driveway, she was amazed at the house. It was a large, two-story stone mansion. The driveway looked to be paved in the same stone as the house. There was a small fountain in the circular drive. She counted seven expensive cars in the drive, not to mention what the five-car garage held. The grounds were well appointed and immaculate. She caught a glimpse of a lake and a dock behind the house. She shook her head. She estimated the house probably cost more than she would ever make in her lifetime. She parked her car at the apex of the drive and got out. She walked to the passenger's side of the car and took out the box with the jewelry and walked to the door. From the outside, she heard music and voices. "Great, he's having a party," she thought just before she pushed the bell. A minute later, when no one answered, she rang it again. She waited another minute before ringing it a third time. When no one answered, she checked the door. It was unlocked. "Well, here goes nothing," she said as she pushed open the door. "Hello," she called as she shut the door behind her.

The music was much louder than she expected, almost to the point it hurt her ears. She knew then why no one answered the door. As she walked to the back of the house, to point she thought the voices were coming from, she noted how well decorated the house was. There was marble everywhere and the foyer was two stories tall with a grand staircase leading up to the second floor. She also saw a living room and a dining room, set with crystal and china, on her way to what seemed to be the kitchen. When she entered, she was not prepared for the scene before her.

Several other members of *Nsync there, leaning on the counters, talking and laughing. Other people were there, including a young lady chasing a laughing toddler. Amanda guessed they were Kelly and Brianna. She slowly scanned the room for JC, finally finding his electric hair at the far end of the room, his back facing her. Her heart skipped a beat. She then noticed he was not alone. Between his legs, she saw long, skinny female legs. Just as she was about to speak, he turned. He and the blonde were engaged in a kiss. Amanda's heart fell and it was all she could do to keep the tears from spilling onto her cheeks.

Joey saw Amanda and the hurt on her face, and quickly cleared his throat. "Um, C, you've got a visitor," he said and turned the music down a bit.

"Take a number, I'm busy," JC responded finally after he and the blonde broke for air.

"Jace, it's Amanda," Joey said harshly. He hated Amanda was being subjected to JC's moronic act.

"No she isn't, she had to work tonight," he replied, never really breaking from his embrace with the blonde.

"No I didn't," Amanda called out. "My schedule changed."

JC turned and looked like a deer caught in headlights. "Um, Amanda, I can explain," JC slurred as he stumbled towards Amanda. It was clear to her that he was intoxicated.

"Yeah, you're drunk," she said as she shoved the box forcefully into his chest. He fought to keep his balance. "You can take your expensive gift and shove it where the sun doesn't shine!" She quickly turned.

"Wait," JC called as he dropped the box and reached for her. He caught her arm with both of his but lost his balance, falling on the floor and nearly taking Amanda with him. "I can explain…," he said giving her a sloppy version of his best smile. The same smile that usually melted Amanda's heart.

"Save it, you're pathetic," she said as she freed her arm from his grasp. "And to think I was actually going to take you up on your dinner invitation. I now see you for who you really are." She turned back around to leave.

"Wait," JC said again as he scrambled unsuccessfully to gain his footing.

"Don't even bother," she called back. She then turned back around and faced him. The whole room saw the fury in her eyes. She placed both hands on her hips and bent down so she was inches from JC's face. His breath reeked of alcohol. "JC, if you ever, EVER, come near me again, call me, or send me anything, I swear, as everyone in this room is my witness, I will slap you with a restraining order and stalking charges so fast, you and your lawyers won't know what happened. Do I make myself clear," she spat at him.

JC didn't answer as the alcohol in his system took its final effect and he passed out. Amanda turned and stormed out of the house, slamming the heavy front door behind her. She sped out of the driveway, feeling as if she weren't able to get away from the situation fast enough.

The phone rang at 8am a week later. Amanda groaned. "I know this isn't happening again," she said as she tried to wipe the sleep from her eyes. She picked up on the third ring. "Hello," she answered, her voice heavy with sleep.

"Amanda," the unfamiliar male voice on the other end asked.

"Who's this," she replied, propping herself up on her elbow.

"Joey," the voice came again. Amanda started to recognize the voice.

"Good bye," she said as she removed the phone from her ear. She stopped when she heard Joey pleading for her to listen. "What," she said sternly.

"JC has been miserable this week," Joey started.

"Serves him right," she replied as she turned to lie on her back.

"Amanda, he was drunk."

"The man is nearly twenty-six and is responsible for his own acts. If he gets drunk and decides to screw the next thing that walks through the door, he can't blame the outcome on anyone or anything but himself."

Joey sighed. "All I'm saying is that he is sorry for what he did, he regrets it, and is miserable. Is there any way you can forgive him and give him another chance," he asked.

Amanda laughed hard. "That…," she started to say through the laughter, "…has got to be funniest thing I've heard. What do you take me for, a moron with self-destructive tendencies? Forget it," she said as she hung up the phone.

The phone rang thirty seconds later. She saw on the Caller ID that it was Joey again. "Joey," she answered.

"I've got to know one thing then I'll leave you alone. Were you serious when you said you were going to accept his dinner invitation," he said in one breath.

"Yes, I was," her voice was tinged with sadness.

"Why?"

She sighed as she tried to put her intentions into words. "I just…," she paused. "I don't know, I just felt it was right. Something about what he was doing finally hit home. That his intentions were honorable."

"And how did you feel when you saw him kissing that girl?"

"Sad. Embarrassed. Rage. Jealousy. My heart break."

"And why won't you give him another chance?"

"Because he hurt me. He was coming across with honorable intentions. And then I see him kissing some blonde bimbo and now it just seems like I was another conquest to him. And I cannot be in a relationship where I'm not respected. Plain and simple," she was staring at the ceiling, tears starting to form in her eyes.

"What will he have to do to win your trust again," Joey was sensing a break in her emotions.

She thought for a minute. "He will have to do something completely from his heart, not his wallet."

"Like," he probed.

"That's for him to figure out. If I gave him ideas, it wouldn't be pure."

"Fair enough." Joey took a breath. "Is there anything you need," he asked honestly.

"No, Joey, I'm fine. Just tell your friend about this conversation. He needs to take it from there. Have a good day," she answered.

"Bye," Joey said and then looked at JC who had been on another extension and heard both conversations. There were tears spilling down his face.

* * * * *

There was a knock at her door later that afternoon. She was cleaning house and was a complete mess. As she walked to the door, Amanda took off one of her thick yellow cleaning gloves. She didn't even want to imagine what her hair looked like pulled up and behind a bandanna. She opened the door and was slightly startled to see JC on the other side. She could see the sadness in his face behind the smile he wore. "Uh, hi," she said softly.

"Hi, come with me," he said as he reached for her hand.

"No," she said as she pulled it out of reach.

"Please, I've got something to show you," he pleaded.

She could hear a quiver in his voice and thought that at any minute he'd breakdown crying. "Ok, give me a couple minutes," she said and then closed the door. JC stood in the breezeway waiting for her. Several minutes she stepped back out of her apartment. A baseball cap now hid her hair and she had changed clothes. They walked down the stairs to his Jeep.

"Where are we going," she asked after several minutes of driving.

"Well, that's for me to know and you to find out," he said with a small smile playing on his lips. They sat in silence for several more minutes and then he spoke again. "Now, close your eyes and put on this blind fold," he said as he handed her an opaque-sleeping mask. She didn't argue and pulled the mask over her eyes. Several minutes later the Jeep came to a complete stop and the engine turned off. "Stay there, I don't want you to trip," she heard JC say.

She felt the door next to her opened and a hand reach for her arm. He steadied her as she stepped out of the vehicle. She heard children in the background as well as lawn machinery. He walked behind her and placed both hands on her shoulders and guided her several steps.

"Ok, you can look," he said with excitement as he pulled the mask off. Amanda just stared straight a head, her jaw dropping. "So, what do you think," JC asked as he moved beside her and put his arms around her shoulder and pulled her close.

"Um, well, I'm a bit confused," she answered truthfully. They were standing in front of a modest ranch style house.

"It's for you," JC responded.

"JC, I told you I didn't want a house," Amanda said, trying to keep the anger out of her voice. "And did Joey tell you that you're not going to win my heart with your wallet," she asked as she turned to face him.

"See, that's the beauty of it, I didn't buy it for you," he said and then noticed the confusion in Amanda's eyes. "Yes, this is for you, but I didn't buy it for you. This was the house I first bought when *Nsync finally made some money, what little we saw of it. This is where I lived with Riprock and Alex." He then motioned to his left and Amanda looked across the street at another modest home. "And that's where Joey used to live before he built the houses for his family and Kelly. I never understood why I did until now, but I've held onto it for a couple years now. Everyone told me to sell, but I couldn't. I had been considering donating it to charity or something and then you said what you did. And I want to let you live in it, rent free, utility free. That way you don't have to work as much or worry about paying your bills." Amanda could hear the excitement in his voice and see it in his eyes. She sighed. "It's got a pool and everything," JC beamed. "So, when do you want to move in?"

"JC, I don't want to move in. I'm happy where I am," she said honestly.

"But this is like four times the space you have."

"That's not it. Me living here for free is nothing more than another monetary gift from you," she said. He started to object and she held up her hand. "You had a good idea, use this to help out some family in need, someone that's had a run of bad luck because of the economy. And that's a good start," she finished and turned to get back into the Jeep.

JC sighed. He was beginning to realize this was going to be harder than he first thought. He walked back to the vehicle and climbed in. As they drove back to her apartment, they sat in silence. As they approached her neighborhood he finally spoke, "What do you want from me?"

She placed her hand over his which was resting on the gearshift. She loved the feeling of his strong hand beneath hers. "JC that is something you're to figure out on your own." She went back to looking out the window but didn't remove her hand from his.

When they got back to her complex, he walked her to her door. He was fidgety. "JC, what's wrong?"

"Oh, I have to Europe for a couple weeks," he answered. "I had wanted to try and settle things between us before I left."

She smiled. "The time away will let you think. It'll be good for both of us," she said.

"So do you think there is a chance for us," he said with hope in his voice and eyes.

"That all depends on you," she replied with a faint smile. "Have a safe trip." She resisted the urge to kiss him on the cheek.

"Don't work too hard," he responded. He wanted to kiss her but knew that was not what she wanted. She closed the door and he walked to his car.

Over the next week, JC sent Amanda flowers twice. Nothing overwhelming, just enough to show he was thinking about her. They also talked on the phone once and decided, because of their hectic schedules and the time difference, to start exchanging e-mail. At first they were the usual bland "How's work" letters. But soon they started to open up to each other. He asked several times for a date, and each time she turned him down. He was still thinking of how to fulfill her request.

Also during this time, Amanda told their whole story to her mother. She thought her daughter was crazy. "But Mom," Amanda tried to explain for the fifth time that week, "I don't want his money. I want him. I want to know his love, and affection, and his hopes, and dreams, his thoughts. I don't want his Benjamins."

"But, would y'all have even met if he weren't famous," her mother pointed out.

"I don't know. We may, we may have not. But being famous is not who he is, it's what he does. And I need to see that he knows this before I can commit to a relationship."

"So you do want to be with him."

"Yes, I've been telling you that."

"Well, don't play with his head too long or you're going to lose him."

"I know mom," Amanda said. She smiled knowing JC was going to be home in five days and he said he had a big surprise for her. "Listen, I've got to go to work. Give Dad a hug for me?"

"You work too hard," her mother pointed.

"If I didn't work hard, I'd be out on the streets. I love you."

"I love you too," her mother said and then hung up her phone. She turned her attention back to the TV where she had been watching the Rosie O'Donnell Show. A thought popped into her head and she smiled. If it was going to work, she was going to need to get in contact with JC. Then she remembered she had the password to her daughter's e-mail account….

* * * * *

A week later there was a knock at Amanda's door. She had worked that morning and had been home long enough to change into some shorts and a tee-shirt. She opened the door and smiled.

"Hi," JC said with a smile. His hands

were behind his back. He looked as if he were fighting for control over something.

"Hey, how was your trip," she asked as he walked through the door. He made sure to not show his back to her. She knew something was up.

"Oh, it was good," he replied. "Before you say anything else, I've got something for you," he said as he pulled his arms out from behind his back. In each hand he held a small ball of fur. "They're for you," he said happily as he handed her the animals he held. One was a black and white kitten and the other was a brown dog of some kind. "They're from the humane society. They're both about eight weeks old, nearly house broken and they don't know what breed the puppy is, but they say she's going to be small." He smiled brightly as she held them up and inspected them.

"How did you know," she asked with a smile as they walked over to the couch. She sat the animals down on the middle cushion so she could inspect them closer.

"Well, last week you said you got lonely at nights and since I figured me moving in wasn't the best idea…" She made a corny smile at the suggestion. "…I figured these two were the next best thing." He reached over and petted the kitten. "And so I had Joey go check out a couple of the shelters. He told me of a few, sent me some pictures and I went and picked out the two I liked the best this morning."

"JC, this is great. Thank you," she said as she reached over and squeezed his hand and smiled.

"So, what are you going to name them," he asked as he held up the puppy. It started to lick his chin and he laughed.

Amanda loved to hear him laugh. And she smiled at the sound. He looked so free at that moment. "I'm not sure. Since they're going to grow up together, their names should compliment the other. Let's see…," she said as she picked up the kitten and looked at it. "This one is a mix of black and white. And that one," she said indicating the puppy, "is a mixed breed."

"Heinz 57 as they said at the shelter," JC pointed out. "How about Heinz 57 and K.C. Masterpiece?" Amanda laughed.

"Nope, we've had too many animals in the family named after foods. Besides, could you imagine what the neighbors would think if I walked around calling out ‘Here Heinz. Come Masterpiece'? They'd be like 'Lady the bar-b-q place is down the road…'." JC laughed. "Oh, I've got it," she said with a bright smile as she held the kitten in front of her. "You will now forever be known as Hodge. And you," she said as she reached for the puppy. She held hr up and she immediately started licking her chin. "You," she managed through her laughter, "you will be Podge. Hodge 'n' Podge." She looked at JC and smiled.

He smiled back. "Perfect."

"Now, we have to go shopping," she said as she picked up the animals. "I bet you babies are hungry," she said in a baby voice.

"I've got some stuff in the car," JC said a bit sheepishly. "Just enough to get them started. Food, beds, a collar and leash for Podge. Oh, and as part of their adoption fee, the humane society will take care of all the shots their first year as well as the cost for them to be fixed."

"Great," she said and then her face fell.

"What's wrong?"

"Can you pet sit for me," she asked with a concerned face.

"Sure, anytime."

"Can you pet sit for me next week," she asked with the same concerned face.

"Why, where are you going," he said, playing dumb.

"My mom's dragging me to New York. Something about a mother and daughter makeover or something. She was so happy about it I couldn't turn her down. And work was very understanding about it, surprisingly," she said as her thoughts wondered off.

"No problem. When will you be leaving?"

"A week from today, I have an early flight so can I bring them over the night before?"

"Absolutely," he answered. He was going to need to have someone pet sit the pets he was sitting for, but was sure Tyler or Chris wouldn't mind.

"Great," she said as the Podge started licking her chin again. "Something tells me this one is hungry."

"And that's my cue. I'll be right back," as he headed to the door. He returned a few minutes later with the essential supplies he had bought. They spent the next few minutes feeding the animals. JC let out a big yawn. "I think that's my cue to leave."

"Yeah, I'm sure you're still jet lagged. I'll talk to you later this week?"

"Certainly. Have a good night," he said as he moved to the door.

"You too," she said with a wave as he let himself out.

* * * * *

He called her mother when he got home. "Is everything all set," he asked.

"Yes, she doesn't suspect a thing. Or if she does, she isn't letting on about it," then she paused. "JC are you sure you want this story told on TV. You don't have to have your private life aired," her mother said with concern.

JC smiled at her concern. "Don't worry, I've gotten everything handled. Thank you for this, it was a great idea."

"I just want to see my daughter happy, and even though y'all have started out a bit rocky, something is telling me that you are exactly what she needs."

"Thank you," JC replied with a smile.

"Did you finally figure out her request?"

"I think so."

"So, what is it?"

"Ahh, that's for me to know…."

"And me to find out…"

"Yes ma'am."

"Ok, so we'll show the before and after pictures and then we'll bring you both out. Of course, you won't know what the other looks like since you haven't seen each other since today," the production assistant explained to Amanda and her mother. "And then Rosie will talk to you briefly about the changes and a bit about why you were chosen. Ok?"

"Ok," both Amanda and her mother chorused. They hugged and went their separate ways. Amanda went to have her makeover and her mother went back to her hotel room.

* * * * *

She felt a bit uncomfortable. She had on more make-up and less clothing than she was used to. And she knew she would probably break her ankle in the boots she was wearing. But this was what her mother wanted and Amanda always found it difficult to go against her mother's wishes. She was in a small but nicely appointed dressing room. There was a bouquet of flowers and some drinks and snacks on the table. She sat on the couch and fidgeted and nearly jumped out of her skin when the production assistant from the morning before knocked on the door.

"You ready?"

"Yep," Amanda replied nervously.

"Well then, let's go," the PA smiled and beckoned Amanda to the door. As they headed down the hallway to the stage, she took several breaths to calm her nerves.

The PA moved her into position behind the heavy curtains. She quickly attached a lav microphone to her blouse with the battery pack clipped to her belt in the middle of her back. "Smile," the PA said just before she darted to the wings.

"Now you've seen the before pictures, here are the results," Amanda heard Rosie say just before the curtains opened. She put on her best smile and walked out.

At first the lights blinded her, but her eyes quickly adjusted. Rosie walked over and stood beside her. "How do you feel?"

"Very different. I'm such a jeans and tee-shirt type of girl that this is so," Amanda was a loss for words.

"Different?"

"Yes," she replied as she looked over the outfit again. She wore a tied blouse with bell sleeves. It was made of a white gauzy material and its ties criss-crossed down her torso to end just above her navel. Her short skirt was a patchwork of differently colored denim with an asymmetrical hem line. A wide white belt covered the waistband. The denim boots she wore came to a couple inches below her knees. They had put layers in her hair and added a few subtle red and blonde highlights. When they did her hair that morning, they styled it so her ends flared out a bit. The make-up, while more than she normally wore, was just enough to accentuate her face.

"Very rock star," Rosie pointed.

"Very Britney," Amanda replied with a laugh.

"Well, come with me," Rosie said and took her by the hand and led her to the chairs by her desk. The first thing Amanda noticed was her mother was not sitting in any of the chairs. The second thing she noticed that JC occupied the second chair. A look of confusion crossed her face. "Sit, sit," Rosie commanded. Amanda did as she was told and gracefully crossed her legs.

"Now Amanda," Rosie said, "We really didn't bring you here just for a mother daughter makeover, just a you makeover." Amanda was about to speak. Rosie held up her hand. "We received a letter from your mom two weeks ago about your little run in with JC and how he's bought you several gifts. And how you have donated all those gifts. You even turned down a house," Rosie finished. Amanda noticed how Rosie had said nothing about the budding relationship and decided she would not bring it up unless Rosie or JC did.

"Yes. While I appreciate all the gifts he tried to give me, I couldn't accept them," she explained as she looked back and forth between Rosie and JC.

"Why not?"

"He didn't owe me anything. Insurance took care of my car and I felt that if JC wanted to spend money on someone, he could donate to charity or something."

"Now you did get into an argument about this. You told him that if you were to forgive him that he needed to do something with his heart not his wallet," Rosie led.

"Yes. That was when he tried to give me the house. He wanted for me to live there for free."

"What was his reasoning?"

"To help ease my burdens so I wouldn't have to work as much or worry as much about bills."

"How many hours do you work each week?"

"Between sixty and seventy. But I make ends meet with a bit left over just in case. So that's why I wouldn't accept it the house. There are a lot of other people out there that are more deserving than I am. Families that have had difficulties because of the downturn of the economy. Men and women that have lost their jobs because of plant closings. So I told him to take the house and do something with it to help those people."

"And what did you do JC?"

"I did just that," he said as he reached for Amanda's hand. "Amanda, I've started a new charity organization. It's small, just in Orlando right now, but I'm hoping it'll grow. It's going to take houses that people donate to the organization and place residents in them. The residents will go through an extensive screening process and those that qualify will be ones like you described, mainly those hit hard by the economy. Rent and utilities will be based on what the residents can pay. The residents can stay for up to a year. The organization will also work with other organizations to help people find work. And right now we've got three houses and seven families going through the application process." He looked at Amanda and thought he saw tears in her eyes.

"Wow, that's great," Rosie said. "What's the name of the organization?"

"Amanda's Houses," he said and saw tears trickle down Amanda's face. Rosie handed her a tissue.

"Amanda, what do you think?"

"I think it's great. Exactly what I was hoping for," she said and then turned to JC.

"And to think, it all started with a celebrity and a fender. Thank you for coming," Rosie said.

"Thank you for having us," JC and Amanda said together and then laughed.

The show broke to a commercial and Amanda looked over at JC once they were off stage. "So, how about dinner tonight?"

JC smiled, "I'd love dinner," he said and leaned in to gently kiss her.

"You look great," JC said when picked her up at her hotel that evening. She was wearing the same outfit as that morning.

"You said that this morning, nothing's changed," she said. "You look good too," she blushed. She wasn't used to giving a celebrity a compliment. He wore a white button down shirt and ripped jeans. She remembered the look from an awards show the previous year.

"Are you going to introduce me to your friends," she asked as she nodded towards the two large gentlemen standing behind JC.

"Oh, how rude of me," JC replied. "Amanda, this is Lonnie and Todd. Lonnie and Todd, Amanda," he formally introduced the three. Amanda and the bodyguards exchanged pleasantries.

"Where do you want to eat tonight," JC asked as he helped her into the waiting Escalade. Todd climbed into the front passenger seat as Lonnie climbed into the driver's side.

"How about Nyla, if it's open," she suggested. It was the only restaurant she knew of in New York other than Planet Hollywood.

"Ok, Brit's been trying to get me to come there for months."

"Is it good? If it's not, we can go somewhere else," she said with concern.

"Actually," he laughed, "I've never been there. So this will be a new adventure for both of us," he finished and reached for her hand.

They soon arrived at the restaurant and entered through a side entrance. JC was recognized immediately and they were seated at a secluded booth in the back of the restaurant. Lonnie and Todd were seated nearby.

They quickly placed their order with the server. JC gave Amanda a funny look as the server walked away. "Are you sure you don't want something more adventuresome like the crawfish," he teased.

She scrunched up her nose and twisted her mouth. "Eww, no thank you Mr. Chasez, I think I'll stick with my Cajun chicken pasta, thank you very much," she replied. He laughed.

Through the meal, they talked about their families. He had her rolling with laughter as he recounted several stories of misadventures from past tours. "So, what do you and your mom have planned for the rest of the week," he asked as dessert came.

"That's the funny thing, she mysteriously got called home this afternoon citing something wrong at work," Amanda replied.

"What's so mysterious about that," as he took a bite of the ice cream sundae they were sharing.

"She owns her own business," she said. He started to say something and she interrupted. "It's run out of the house and she only 'works' on the weekends."

"How did you do that," he questioned. She had answered his question even before he could say it.

"It's a talent, I drive everyone nuts," she replied with a bit of sarcasm.

"Fine then. But you're right, that is 'mysterious'," he raised his eyebrows to accent the last word.

"So I guess I'll be heading back to Orlando tomorrow," she said as she took the last bite of ice cream.

"Oh no you're not," JC protested. "You're going to stay here with me and we're going to have a fabulous week."

"But, work…"

"You took the week off right?"

"Yes, but…," she trailed off as she thought. Then she smiled slightly. "I do need a bit of a vacation…"

"That's my girl," JC said with a grin.

After paying the bill, the group headed to a nightclub called Matrix. It had opened the week before and was packed. There was a line a block long and the bouncers were being very selective as to who would enter. JC and Amanda had no problems. When they entered, they were escorted to the VIP area. They spent several minutes mingling with the celebrities in the room. When the Nelly remix of "Girlfriend" started playing, JC couldn't resist. He grabbed Amanda's hand and headed to the dance floor.

"But JC," she said just before they got to the dance floor. "I don't know how to dance," she continued sheepishly.

"What," he looked a bit astonished.

"I'm a strait laced Southern Baptist, we don't know how to dance," she answered.

"It's easy," he said, "just follow my lead," he finished and pulled her onto the dance floor. It took several minutes and a lot of encouragement from JC, but she did loosen up, and he found her to be a natural. He also found her to be very intoxicating with the way she smiled, laughed and how light her touch could be.

For the next hour they were aware of no one but each other. They were constantly smiling and laughing and touching but were keeping everything very clean.

"I need something to drink," she said loudly in his ear. He nodded and they headed back to the VIP room. As they entered, he introduced her to other people that had arrived while they were dancing. It was quieter than the main floor and made talking easier.

"Justin," he said clearly surprised that his band mate was at the club. "What are you doing in New York?"

"Mutt Lang needs us to work on some tracks while you're here," Justin replied. Then nodded towards Amanda. JC introduced them. "I've heard a lot about you, it's nice to finally meet," Justin said as he extended his hand.

"Like wise," she replied with a smile. A very tall, athletic woman with blondish-brown hair came up behind Justin and put her arms around his neck and whispered something in his ear. Whatever she said, he like because he started grinning ear to ear. She then walked over to JC, grabbed both his hands and kissed him quickly on the cheek. JC quickly introduced her to Amanda.

"This is Gentian, she and Justin have been dating for a while now," he said.

"It's nice to meet you," Amanda said politely as she extended her hand.

"Aww girl, where I'm from we do not shake hands," Gentian said in a heavy southern drawl as she quickly gave Amanda a hug.

As the guys talked, Gentian played twenty questions with Amanda. "So, where are you from?"

"I just moved to Florida from North Carolina," Amanda replied with a smile.

"Really, you don't have much of a southern accent." It was more of an accusation than a statement.

"I never really acquired a southern accent."

"Really. In Abilene it's like a requirement to be considered a citizen," she said with a laugh. Amanda smiled at her joke. "You're not very talkative, are you?" Another accusation.

"I usually am when I'm not in an uncomfortable situation," Amanda replied and reached for JC's hand.

"Oh, I see. So, what is your job with the *Nsync organization?"

Amanda was confused. "What do you mean?"

"Well, all the girlfriends have a 'job'," Gentian started. "I'm supposed to part of wardrobe, Kelly, you know who she is…" Amanda nodded. "…is part of PR. Some have had jobs in catering or travel, stuff like that."

"Oh, so do you have a background in fashion," Amanda asked.

Gentian laughed hysterically. "No silly, they're our parts so we can travel with the group, we don't actually work," she answered still laughing.

"Oh, well, unlike some in the past, I plan on having a life that doesn't revolve around my boyfriend," Amanda replied smugly and walked to the bar. JC came and found her a few minutes later.

"What happened," he asked as he ordered a drink.

"She just got on my nerves and I let my mouth do the talking," Amanda said apologetically.

"Yeah, I can understand that. She can be a bit overbearing when she's nervous."

"A bit," Amanda raised one of her eyebrows.

"Ok, a lot, but give her time and you'll love her," JC conceded.

"Ok, we'll do some girl bonding sometime."

"How about tomorrow?"

"I'm not doing anything tomorrow. Do you want to take in a show or something," she said as she turned to face him.

He hesitated. "Well, that's the thing…," he started as he ran his hand through his hair nervously.

"Uh huh, I see how it's going to be now. You win my heart, make me fall for you, and then you leave me for work," she said jokingly.

"I would have said no if I could, but Mutt's only in town for a couple days and Justin came all the way up here…"

Amanda leaned over and kissed him gently. "I understand. Gentian and I will do lunch or something and I promise I'll play nice," she said with a smile.

"Are you sure it's ok," he asked.

"I'm positive. I wouldn't stand between you and the music I love," she answered. He smiled and gave her a brief kiss. A remix of "Boys" started to play and she grabbed his hand. "Let's go dance," she said with a smile.

They spent the next several hours dancing and mingling with JC's acquaintances in the VIP room. Around 2am, Amanda pulled JC close. "If I don't get out of these boots soon, they're going to have to amputate my feet," she said in his ear.

"Yeah, I'm tired too," he conceded. They rounded up Lonnie and Todd and left.

When they got to the hotel, JC walked Amanda to her room. They stopped outside her room.

"I had a really good time tonight," she said. "Thank you."

"I had a great time too," he said and leaned down and kissed her. It was a simple but pleasurable kiss. "I'll see you later today," he asked.

"Yeah," she said and leaned up to kiss him again.

"We need to stop before we make a scene," he said a minute later.

"You're right. Good-night," she said as she opened the door to her two-room suite.

"Night," he said after one last brief kiss.

Amanda immediately took her boots off as soon as she stepped in the room. She grabbed them and headed to the bedroom. She smiled when she saw the bed. A single red rose was on her pillow. There was a note underneath the flower.

I never thought that love could feel like this
Then you changed my world with just one kiss

Amanda smiled; the lyrics were from her favorite song by the group. She practically ran back to the door to her room. When she opened the door, she was surprised to find JC leaning against the doorjamb. She said nothing; her actions speaking louder than any words as she pulled him close and kissed him deeply.

He quickly stepped into the room and closed the door behind them. As they continued their kiss, their hands explored the other's body. Amanda worked to unbutton JC's shirt and he untied her shirt and let the ties unravel themselves as he kissed down her neck. She pushed his shirt off his shoulders and he removed his hands from her body long enough to pull his arms from the sleeves. He quickly took of the white wife beater he was wearing as well. The shirts ended up on the floor in a crumpled heap. He slowly pushed her blouse off her shoulder, kissing each inch he uncovered. She worked on his belt and the button to his jeans as he did so. Soon, the belt and her blouse ended up next to his shirt on the floor. As he worked his way back to her mouth, he unzipped her skirt and let it fall to the floor. She returned his favors by teasing his neck with her kisses. As she did, she finished unzipping his jeans. A gentle push sent them to the floor. He didn't let her work too long, he wanted this to be her night and he took control with his kisses. Soon, he stopped his kisses and looked at her.

"Are you sure," he asked.

"Yes," she said breathlessly as she captured his lips with hers. In one fluid motion, he picked her up and walked to the bed. He gently laid her on the bed and then settled on top of her. As they laid there, their kisses continued to get deeper and more intense as their hands caressed each other. He gently rolled them over to their sides and reached behind her for the clasp to her bra. She stopped.

"Do you have protection?"

He started to say something, then stopped and hung his head. "No, I don't," he said with disappointment.

"Oh," she said with equal disappointment. But there was relief hidden in her voice as well. They both laid there, catching their breaths as they looked into each other's eyes and stroked the other's face.

"I guess this just wasn't the right time," he said and then gently kissed her nose.

"I guess not," she said as he rolled off the bed and walked to the window. She grabbed the terry cloth robe at the end of the bed and put it on as she stood up. She went to the other room to collect their clothes. As she picked up his jeans, a square blue packet fell out of one of the pockets. When she picked it up, she realized it was a condom.

"JC," she said as she entered the bedroom again. He turned around. "I thought you said you didn't have protection." She held up the plastic covered disk.

"I didn't realize that was in there," he said after a pause.

"You're not a good liar," she replied.

"Come here," he said as he walked towards her. "You're right, I did lie."

"Why?" She was confused.

"Because I did not want to have sex with you…," he started.

"Why, am I not good enough for you," she said and instantly started to cry.

"No, no," he said and pulled her close. "Please do not cry. It's nothing like that," he said soothingly.

"Then why? I don't understand," she asked as she wiped a tear from her eye.

"As I was saying, I did not want to have sex with you tonight, but I do want to make love to you. And I don't want it to happen like this. I want to wine you and dine you and make it your night."

She pulled away slightly and looked up at him. "Are you sure you're not gay?"

"You decide," he said before kissing her passionately.

"Nope, most definitely not gay," she replied with a light laugh. "Why do you want to wait," she asked seriously.

"Because too many times in the past I've rushed into sex too early in a relationship. I want us to be based on us, not how good we are in bed."

"Why have you rushed in the past and not now?"

"Because this is the first time I feel like I’m falling in love," he replied softly. He searched her eyes with his as he waited for a response.

"I think I'm falling in love with you too," she said and then gently placed a kiss on his lips.

"Hey," Amanda said as she approached the table at the outdoor café.

Gentian looked up from the menu. "Hey," she replied as Amanda sat down.

"Listen, I wanted to apologize for last night. Often my mouth speaks before my brain thinks," Amanda said sincerely.

"Hey. I understand," Gentian replied with a smile. "And I wanted to apologize as well. I didn't mean to offend you or anything with the questions. I just get nervous when meeting some one and my mouth goes into overdrive."

"It's ok," Amanda replied with a smile. "So, what's good here," she asked as she looked over the menu.

"Truthfully, I have no clue," Gentian said with a light laugh. The server arrived and offered several suggestions.

"So, how did you meet Justin," Amanda asked as she sipped on her soda.

"Well, funny you should ask," the other girl replied. "We met when I was working wardrobe on the tours."

"Ok," Amanda replied with a nod. "Now, the real story…"

"That's the real story. I really work with wardrobe…"

"And let me guess, Kelly really works in PR…."

"Yep. That's the other thing, I don't do jokes well."

"Hmmm, and I always take things too seriously."

"We're going to be great together."

"Like peas and carrots."

"So, which one of us is going to be Forrest?" Both girls laughed.

After lunch the girls went shopping at Neiman Marcus. "This would look great on you," Gentian said as she held up a blouse to Amanda.

"That's the same blouse Britney wore on the cover of In Style last month," Amanda pointed out and pushed the blouse back towards Gentian.

"And I know JC absolutely loved it, which means you've got to get it," Gentian said as she handed the item of clothing back to Amanda.

"Which also means it's Versace, and I can not afford it," she said and took the top from Gentian and put it back on the rack.

"So we'll use JC's credit card," Gentian said as she pulled the card out of her back pocket.

"Absolutely not," Amanda said as she tried to pluck the piece of plastic from Gentian's hand. Gentian quickly held the card above her head. Amanda, being nearly five inches shorter than her shopping companion, could not reach the card. "And why do you have this anyway?"

"Because JC wanted me to make sure you got several new outfits. On him," Gentian answered after Amanda stopped jumping trying to get the card.

Amanda sighed. "Gen, can I ask you a serious question," she asked.

"Sure," Gentian said as the two started walking around the isles of clothing.

"What am I going to do to get him to realize I don't want his money," she asked as she pulled out a pair of jeans. She flipped the tag over, looked at it disgustingly, and put them back on the rack.

"I've known the guys for a while now, Celebrity was my third tour with them, and in the past, the girls JC dated practically had to beg on all fours to get him to buy them anything. I think it really says something about his feelings for you since he wants to spend this money on you."

Amanda thought for a moment as she took a hat off a rack and tried it on, studying herself closely in the mirror. She turned to her shopping companion. "Or is it that he's so conditioned to girls wanting his money, that he just does it out of habit?"

Gentian pondered the question. She held up a red slip dress to Amanda. "If he didn't want to spend the money on you, wouldn't he have stopped with the first thing he bought?"

Amanda thought for a moment. "Fine, point taken," she conceded. She took the dress and a couple other clothing items and headed for the dressing room. "Even if I'm not going to buy them, I might as well torture myself by trying them on."

"That's my girl," Gentian said.

Over the next several hours, the girls tried on nearly everything in the store. While Gentian walked out with bags of clothing and boxes of shoes, Amanda purchased only one item, a pair of jeans that had been reduced greatly because of a nearly invisible imperfection in one of the seams.

As the girls were waiting for the car to be brought around, Amanda's cell phone rang. When she looked at the caller ID, she smiled. "Hi," she said sweetly.

"Hey," JC's voice came over the receiver. "What are you doing?"

"We're just leaving Neiman Marcus and heading back to the hotel. Where are you?"

"Still at the studio," he answered then let out a sigh. "I'm going to be here for a while yet."

"Ok," she said trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice. They had planned on going to a Broadway show that evening. "I'm sure I can find something to do," she continued as she put her one bag in the trunk of the Escalade and walked to the passenger door.

"I'm really sorry," he apologized.

"JC, it's your work, I understand. We'll do something tomorrow night."

There was a long pause. "Hey, why don't you come here, at least for a little while?"

Amanda could hear the smile in his voice. "Are you sure I won't be a distraction," she asked with concern.

"Nope, if anything, you'll help," he said with a tinge of excitement in his voice.

"Ok, I'll let the driver know. We'll have to drop Gentian off first," she said as the car vehicle pulled away from the curb.

"No problem. Do you like Chinese?"

"Sure," she answered with a bit of confusion in her voice.

"Good, because we just ordered a ton of it and need help eating," he said with a laugh. She smiled. "I'll see you in a bit."

"Bye," she replied. As she turned off her phone, she still had a smile playing on her lips. Gentian just smiled at the blissful look on Amanda's face.

* * * * *

After she was dropped off at her hotel, Gentian quickly called JC.

"Jace, it's Gen," she said after he answered.

"Hey, is something wrong," he asked quickly with concern in his voice.

"No, I just wanted to call and say Amanda's on her way."

"Good. Hey, did she buy anything today?"

Gentian sighed. She knew he wasn't going to like her answer. "She only bought one thing, with her own money."

JC sighed in frustration. There was a pause. "Do you remember what all she tried on?"

"Yeah, a lot of cute stuff."

"Do you mind going back and getting most of it? You remember her size right?"

"Me, mind shopping with someone else's money? Not at all. And I wouldn't be in fashion if I couldn't tell what people's size was."

"Good, then it's set. Gotta go. She's here. Bye," he said and hung up quickly.

Gentian quickly called the car service and headed back to Neiman Marcus.

* * * * *

JC's eyes lit up when he saw her in the doorway. She smiled back as she walked to meet him. "Hi."

He smiled at her voice and wrapped his arms tightly around her body. "I've missed you," he whispered in her ear. She smiled, inhaling his scent and loving the feeling of his arms wrapped around her.

She pulled back and gave him a funny look. "It's only been like fifteen hours or something, how could you miss me?" He leaned down and kissed her gently. "Ok, if that's for only fifteen hours…"

"… you'll love what you'll receive after fifteen days," he finished with a smile. He broke their embrace and took her hand, leading her further into the studio. He quickly introduced her to the producers sitting behind the large sound board.

"Where's Justin," she asked as she sat on a couch and JC walked into the sound booth.

"Oh, see, Justin is a professional and we got his vocals in three easy takes," Mutt Lang started, "your pretty faced boyfriend over there has been distracted all day."

JC heard the producer's words over the intercom and quickly flipped him the bird. Mutt returned the favor with two birds. JC quickly turned around, dropped his pants and mooned the producers. Before she could react, John Bell, one of the musicians for the song, quickly placed his had over Amanda's eyes. She quickly absorbed the situation and started to giggle at first but it quickly escalated into and all out laugh. Her laugh was infectious and the whole studio was soon laughing with her.

When they calmed down a minute or so later, the group was able to get back to work. As she sat on the couch, eating the left over Scallion Chicken, Mutt played back the track. It was a ballad with a heavy rock influence. It was very reminiscent of the power ballads of the hair bands of the late eighties. They tried unsuccessfully three times to get JC's vocals. The feeling behind the lyrics was missing.

Amanda sensed everyone was near a breaking point. "Do you mind if I go in," she asked Mutt.

"If you think you can do something, go for it."

"Ok," she said as she stepped towards the door. Just as she was about to go in, she turned to the producers. "If you don't mind, would you please just keep the intercom off," she asked sweetly. Mutt flipped a switch on the board in front of him as Amanda stepped into the booth with JC.

"Hey," she said, keeping her back to the board. "What's going on?"

"I just can't get the feeling right," JC sighed as he sat on the stool behind the microphone.

"I gathered that," she replied with a slight smile on her lips. "Why?"

"Because I don't feel this today. The song is about heartbreak, loosing the love of your life, and I just found mine. How can I sing an emotion I'm not feeling?"

Amanda stepped toward JC. She reached for his hands with hers, taking an index finger with each one. "JC, do you remember how you felt after the night of the party?"

"Yeah, awful, like my world was going to end," he replied. She sensed sadness creeping into his voice.

"So use that," she said matter-of-factly as she let go of one of his hands. "Think back, remember that," she said as she lightly tapped on his forehead with two fingers. "Feel that," as she touched his chest above his heart. “Use it," as she lightly caressed his lips with her thumb. She released his other hand and went back into the main room of the studio. Instead of sitting on the couch, she stood by the door, looking at him through its window.

Mutt started the track again and JC's voice filled the room. The emotion in his voice was powerful. Everyone sat and listened. They could feel the heartbreak JC was singing about. When he was finished, JC slumped down on the chair, as if he had no strength left.

"JC," Mutt started. JC lifted his head in response. "That was it. We've got what we need." JC nodded in acknowledgment.

As JC was collecting his items in the sound booth, Mutt turned to Amanda. "I don't know what you said, but it was exactly what he needed. Thanks."

"No problem. Just don't cut it from the next album," she replied with a smile. "So, now what," she asked as JC exited the sound booth.

"I don't know, why don’t we decide that as we head back to the hotel," he said as he took her hand. The couple quickly said good-bye to everyone and headed out to the waiting vehicle.

On their way back to the hotel, the couple decided to stay in for the night. Neither was really up to going out. They were debating which movie to watch as Amanda opened the door to her suite. JC went to sit on the couch as she headed to the bedroom to change. Three steps into the bedroom, Amanda stopped in her tracks. In front of her were two wardrobe racks filled with all the clothes and shoes she had tried on earlier that day, and some she had not. She quickly flipped through several of the items, noting they were all her size and all of the price tags had been removed. Her emotions varied from second to second as she examined the clothes. First she was angry that Gentian and JC had gone against what she wanted. Then she was excited. No one had done anything like that before. But lastly, she was sad. She stood there, fingering the hem of the "Britney" blouse when JC walked in.

"Amanda," he said gently as he placed his hands on her shoulders. She turned just as a tear fell down her cheek. "Baby, what's wrong," JC asked, his voice filled with concern.

"JC, I can't accept these," she said as she looked at her feet, another tear falling.

"Why not, I want you to have these. You'll look great," he said as he pulled her close.

"JC, please don't," she said as she pushed away from him. "I just can't."

"Why, I don't understand," he replied calmly, trying to keep any frustration out of his voice. He didn't want to upset her more.

She turned to him. He saw her eyes were already red from the tears she cried. "I just can't," was all she said.

"Amanda, if we're going to make this work, we're going to have to communicate better than we are now," he answered as he went and sat on the bed. She was leaning against the opposite wall.

"I can't because stuff like this makes me feel this small," she said as she held up her right hand. Her index finger and her thumb an inch apart.

"Why does this make you feel less of a person," JC probed, a bit of confusion in his voice. The last thing he wanted was to make her feel bad.

"Because, I can't buy you anything that compares to this," she said as she waved her hand towards the clothes. "As much as I say it's not about the money, it is. You have it, and I don't, and I feel inferior when you do things like this because I can't buy you anything like a car or jewelry or a designer wardrobe." The tears were flowing freely. "All I can do is love you," she said as he walked over to her.

"Amanda, I don't want anything from you but your love," he said as he pulled her close again, and this time, instead of rejecting him, she wrapped her arms tightly around his waist and buried her head into his chest. He didn't say anything for a moment as he kissed the top of her head and stroked her hair several times. "I was raised to believe you showed love by using both words and tokens. When Heather, Tyler and I were younger, we were always giving my parents drawings or crafts, even rocks or seashells we found while on vacation. As we got older and we had our own money and less time for making stuff, we moved to buying things. But even with all we gave, we said 'I love you' ten times more often," he explained. Amanda lifted her head from his chest, her tears subsiding, and looked up at him. "I truly did not mean to make you feel bad with these things, I swear," he said as he gently kissed her forehead.

"But Gentian said that you practically refused to buy any of your last girlfriends anything."

"That's true," he answered. She opened her mouth as to say something, but JC cut her off. "I refused because they were asking me to do something instead of letting me do it on my own."

"Oh," was her reply.

"But if it makes you this upset, I won't buy you anything else," he assured her.

"No, I can't ask you to do that anymore. I'd be trying to change you and I can't do that. Just…," she paused as she tried to find the right words. He waited patiently. "…just slow down. Let me get my head around all this. The relationship, and the presents, and this trip, and what happened last night are a bit overwhelming all at the same time," she said and looked him in the eye. "Does that make any sense?"

"Perfect," he replied and kissed her gently. It was a quiet soothing kiss. "So, how about that movie," he said quietly a minute later.

"Yeah, let me change," she said as she pulled from his embrace. She grabbed a change of clothes while he headed to the living room to find a movie on TV.

A few minutes later, after changing into pajama bottoms and tank top and washing her tear stained face, she walked to the living room, only to stop at the doorway. She watched JC as he concentrated on finding a movie. He had taken his shoes and socks off and had his bare feet propped on the coffee table. He had also removed the button up shirt he wore, leaving a plain white tee shirt that was just long enough to reach the top of his jeans. He was absentmindedly running his right hand through his hair as he scrolled through the movie menu on the television.

"Is Coke ok with you," she asked as she walked to the small refrigerator and grabbed a soda. He nodded and she grabbed one for him too as well as several packs of candy. "Ooo, Harry Potter, let's watch that," she said as she walked over to the couch.

"It's a kids movie." She stuck her tongue out at him. He smirked slightly. "How about The Mothman Prophecies?"

"No," she said as she looked for another option. "Vanilla Sky?"

He thought for a moment. "Cameron Diaz? Sure," he said as she sat down next to him and laid her head at the base of his shoulder and wrapped an arm around his waist. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly.

"It's all about Tom," she said with a smile. "Now, play the movie," she said with a laugh.

At first, neither of them said anything as they concentrated on the movie, but after an hour, Amanda spoke. "Ok, I'm not understanding this," she said as she looked up at JC.

He let out a sigh of relief. "Ok, good, I thought I was the only one," he said with a chuckle as he turned off the TV. "Now what?"

A scowl crossed Amanda's face as she untangled herself from JC. She wanted to ask him something but didn't know if it was the right time or place.

"What is it," he asked her as he took one of her hands in his.

"I don't want to beat a dead horse, but I've got to ask something about last night," she said pensively.

"You can ask me anything you want whenever," he said as he ran his thumb lightly over the hand he held.

"Last night you said you wanted to wait because you had rushed into sex too many times before," she started. He nodded. "Well, then why did you have a condom with you in the first place and why did you let it go as far as we got," she asked. Her tone was sincere, not accusatory.

He studied the hem of his jeans as he thought for a moment, trying to find the right words. He looked up and spoke. "I've always carried a condom with me everywhere I've gone for a long time. And it's not because I expect to constantly be in situations where I need one; it's because I made a mistake a long time ago. And I never meant for last night to go as far as it did. We were caught up in the moment. And these two things go hand in hand," he started to explain.

"Several girlfriends ago, we got caught up in the moment and, against my better judgment, we had sex without a condom. We thought we'd be ok because she was on the pill." He took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. "Well, five weeks later, she told me she thought she was pregnant. And we did the home pregnancy test, and it confirmed her suspicions. Right away, she wanted to abort the baby. But I rejected the idea. It's against everything I believe in. I told her I'd be there through out the pregnancy, I'd support her, and if she didn't want to give the baby up for adoption, I'd take care of it." Amanda could see the emotion in his face. This was a story she knew nothing about and wondered how long it had been. "Well, she agreed, so I thought. But three weeks later, she said she had a miscarriage. While on one hand I was relieved, I was also upset that my child was gone." A tear slipped down his cheek and Amanda reached out and wiped it away. "A couple weeks later, I was looking for something in her purse, a piece of yellow paper she needed me to get for something. And so I grabbed the first yellow piece I found and unfolded it. It was a procedure sheet from the local women's clinic. The diagnosis: unwanted pregnancy. The procedure: elective termination of a first trimester pregnancy. I was crushed." More tears slipped down his cheeks. "And I confronted her about it the next day. She said she had done it because she loved me because the group was just forming and she knew I couldn't take care of it. She thought I was upset because she lied to me, and that wasn't it. I was upset because that could have been me. I was an unwanted pregnancy that was given up for adoption. What would have happened if I had been aborted? Ya know? And, while I don't thing about the baby nearly as often as I did, I still wonder about him or her. What would he have looked like? What would her interests be? Would he like music and performing? Would she look like her mother or me? But mostly I think about the love I missed out on and wonder if I will ever be able to tell him or her that I'm sorry I couldn't have stopped what happened." He let go of Amanda's hand and wiped the tears from his eyes. "And so I never have to go through that again, I've always carried protection with me."

Amanda grabbed his hand and gently kissed the top of it. "JC, I'm sorry," was all she could think of to say.

He reached out and pulled her back in his arms. "You have nothing to be sorry about," he said softly. "Thank you for listening."

"Well, it's not like I had a choice, this is my hotel room, it's not like I could leave," she said with a faint smile. He chuckled at her attempt at humor. "But JC," she started.

"Yeah," he said as he looked down at her.

"Seriously, thank you for sharing this with me," she said as she snuggled deeper into his body.

He didn't respond verbally, but she felt his body relax. They stayed like that for a few minutes. And he spoke. "Can I ask you a question about last night?"

"Sure," she replied.

"When we stopped, I think I saw a flash of relief cross your face…"

"You did," she answered.

"Why?"

She took a deep breath. It was time now to bare her soul. "Because, that would have been my first time." She watched a look of shock cross his face and then confusion.

He asked the first thought that crossed his mind, "Why have you waited this long?"

"It's my upbringing. You do not have sex before marriage," she answered.

"Then why…," he started to ask.

"Because, like you, I was caught up in the moment," she started. She then quietly added, "And, while I can't explain why I thought this since you've never done anything to make me believe this, I thought that's what you wanted and if we didn't, you wouldn't like me anymore."

"Oh, babe," was his response. He raised her chin and looked her in the eye. "The last thing I want to do is pressure you into anything," he said sincerely. "And if you want to wait till our wedding night, then I will wait."

"Thank you," she said as she moved to kiss him. Just before their lips touched, she said, “And what makes you think we're going to get married," she asked with laughter in her voice just before his lips captured hers.

She awoke the next morning laying on her side with her arms curled around the stuffed animal she always slept with. She looked at the clock on the night stand in front of her. It read 10:30am. "Definitely time to get up," Amanda thought to herself. She started to stretch and then frowned. She felt an unfamiliar weight across her waist. Then she felt a light breeze over her neck and ear. She froze and began to feel the panic starting to race through her blood. As she recounted the events from the night before, she couldn't remember going to bed. She gently raised the covers from her body and quickly sighed a small breath of relief. She was still completely dressed in her sleeping attire. Then she remembered. She had fallen asleep while watching a movie. And then she smiled. JC must have put her to bed. But she also wondered why he was still with her.

As she thought about how she was going to extract herself from his arms, JC rolled away from her and repositioned the covers. She gently sat up and looked at him. He was laying on his back with his face turned away from her. His left arm went up over his head while his right hand settled lightly on his bare chest. The bed sheet had come to rest along his waist, dipping just slightly at his right hip for the waistband of his boxer briefs to peak through. His usually unruly hair was even more disjointed after the nights sleep and he had a day's growth of stubble on his chin. Amanda also noticed what appeared to be a small smile playing across his lips. She sat there and studied him for a few moments as she tried to remember exactly everything she saw; how each piece of hair was disarranged; the smile on his lips; how his Leo necklace was positioned; the curves and ripples of the muscles in his shoulders, arms, chest and stomach. She leaned over and gently placed a kiss on his forehead. Then a look of horror crossed her face as she imagined how she looked. She quietly slid out of bed and grabbed a change of clothes as she headed towards the bathroom.

She had been in the shower for fifteen minutes when she heard a sound in the bathroom. She quickly rinsed the shampoo out of her hair and grabbed the shower curtain. As she looked out into the bathroom, she held the curtain close to her. JC, dressed only in his boxer briefs, had his back turned to her as he leaned on the counter and was inspecting his face in the mirror which was steaming up quickly.

"JC, don’t you know it's polite to knock before you come into the bathroom, especially when a girl is showering," she said teasingly. She did her best not to stare at his backside for too long.

He turned and got a devilish grin on his face. "And don't you know it's not polite to leave your boyfriend in bed, alone," he said as he walked towards her.

"I'm sorry," she said as he stopped in front of her. "I know how much you hate being awakened and you looked so peaceful sleeping there."

"Yes, but it was still rude," he said as he placed his right foot in the tub with her.

"What do you think you're doing," she said as she pivoted so her back was to the shower head. She kept a tight grip on the shower curtain. "You're going to get wet."

"Oh, I want a shower too," he said playfully as he pulled his left foot into the tub.

"And what if I wanted to finish my shower first," she questioned.

"Can't we shower together," he said as he tucked a wet strand of hair behind her ear. His hand lingered on her neck with his thumb brushing her cheek lightly. He leaned and gently placed his lips on hers. His right arm moved to her waist and wrapped the shower curtain behind her. She moved her left hand up his arm and started to run her hand through his hair. She reached behind her with her right hand and took the shower curtain from JC and held it tightly against her right hip. His left hand moved to the back of her neck. As he pulled her closer and deepened the kiss, his right hand moved to the small of her back, sending small chills up her spine. Her brain was going into overload with the sensations she was feeling: the rough stubble of JC's chin; the pressure of his mouth on hers; the light caresses of his hand on her back; the pulsating water on her shoulders; the heat of his body pressed against hers.

"JC," she said breathlessly as she broke the kiss.

"Yeah," he said as he placed wet kisses along her neck.

"I'm not going to make it to our wedding night if we keep going like this," she said as she took a small step back. She was fighting for control of her senses. Her mind was telling her one thing while her body was screaming a totally different message.

He pulled her back to him and rested his forehead against hers and sighed. "So you will marry me," he stated more than asked.

She smiled as she looked onto his blue eyes. "Maybe, one day," she replied with a playful grin.

JC groaned. "Woman, you're going to drive me nuts," he said with a smile as he stepped out of the tub.

"I know, that's part of my charm." She put the shower curtain back in its rightful place and quickly conditioned her hair before turning the water off. She reached one had out and grabbed a towel from the rack over the toilet. Wrapping herself in it, she stepped out of the tub and smiled. "And exactly what do you thing you are doing?

JC was standing in front of the mirror. There was white foam on his face and next to the sink was the shaving gel she used for her legs. He held her spare pink razor in his right hand.

"And you're the college graduate, what do you think I’m doing," he answered as he ran the blade under the running water in the sink.

"Ok, fine," she said as she grabbed her clothes off the floor. "But I'm going to go get dressed, so don't come out until I say so. Got that buster?"

"Not even a peek?" She stuck her tongue out at him. "No, not even a peek," she said as she stood on her tiptoes next to him and gave him a kiss on his temple.

He snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her close. There was laughter in his eyes. "Have I told you I love you today," he asked as he gave her a kiss that was slightly less than chaste.

"I love you too," she replied. He laughed. "And why is that funny," she said trying to feign hurt in her voice.

"No, no, you've got shaving cream on your chin," he answered as he picked up a hand towel and cleaned her face. He gave her a kiss on her forehead and turned his attention back to shaving.

When she passed behind him heading towards to bedroom, she placed a gentle pat on his backside. It was a gesture that she hadn't even thought about doing and she didn't know who it surprised more, herself or JC.

As she stood in front of the rack of clothes, she didn't know what she was going to wear. "Uh, Jace," she said loud enough to penetrate the bathroom door.

"Yeah," he called back.

"What exactly are we doing today," she asked as she riffled through the clothing.

"I was thinking about going and seeing Joey in Rent this afternoon," he answered. Joey had started his stint as the main character Mark the night before.

"Ok, sounds like fun," she said as she pulled out a pair of jeans and a peasant blouse.

"Are you decent," JC asked from the bathroom.

"I'm always decent. But if you're asking if I'm dressed, yes, I'm covered," she replied.

He opened the door and stuck his head out. "Could you go to my room and get me a change of clothes that way we can go straight to lunch and then to the theater," he said with puppy dog eyes.

"We haven't been dating a week and already I'm your slave," she answered with a smile.

"Thanks babe," he said as he closed the door. She heard the water start.

She quickly dressed and pulled on a pair of sandals. She grabbed his room key off the bar in the living room.

When she opened the door to his room, she couldn't believe the mess it was in. None of his clothes were in the drawers, they were either still in his suitcase or crumpled on the floor. "I can't believe I’m doing this," she said with a silly grin. She felt more like a frat boy on a panty raid than a girlfriend picking out clothes as she grabbed a pair of boxer briefs and a pair of socks from the Wal-Mart bags on the dresser. She found a pair of jeans in the suitcase and a dark blue tee shirt on the floor that looked less crumpled than the rest. She shook her head at her next action as she held the shirt to her nose and took a sniff. It smelled clean. She figured she had enough time back at her room to iron some of the wrinkles out if needed. After grabbing a rainbow striped canvas belt from the bedpost, she headed back to her room.

As she entered the bedroom of her suite, she almost collided with a towel clad JC. She couldn't help but stare. His hair was still wet and beads of water rolled slowly down his chest. The towel he wore was wrapped loosely around his hips. Amanda bit her lip as JC walked to her.

"Thanks," he said as he took the clothes from her hands and walked back to the bathroom. She stood there breathing deeply as she tried to calm her racing heart. As JC was changing, she walked to the vanity and pulled out her hair dryer. After drying her hair and applying a light dusting of make-up, she stood up. JC walked out of the bathroom fully dressed with dry hair. The tee shirt still looked like it came off the floor of a bedroom.

"Do you want me to iron that," she said as she pointed towards the wrinkles.

"Uh, sure," he said as he pulled the article of clothing over his head and handed it to her. Once again, she had to keep from staring.

She walked to the closet and pulled out the iron and ironing board. A few minutes later, she had worked all the wrinkles out. JC busied himself with the clothes from the day before to keep from staring at her. "Here," she said a few minutes later as she handed the shirt back to him.

"Thanks," he replied as he took it from him. Their hands grazed the other and they froze as they looked at each other. JC stepped towards her and leaned down to kiss her. She responded by wrapping her arms around his neck. JC quickly dropped his shirt and put his hands on her waist. As they continued to kiss, Amanda ran her hands through his hair. JC moved his hands under her shirt. His hands lightly caressed her back. He then took hem of her shirt in his hands and pulled it over her head. Before she could respond, he lifted her up and placed her on the bed. As he started to climb on top of her, she put her hand out and sat up.

"JC, stop," she said. He sat back at the foot of the bed. "I'm sorry, but we can't keep doing this," she continued. "You said the other night you didn't want us to be based on sex, but it seems like every time we turn around, we're at that point. I don't know what to do."

"I know. I know," he said as he lightly rubbed her leg from where he sat. It was a comforting, not a sexual, gesture.

"And it's not that I don't want to, I do. I'm falling in love with you so fast," she said. He could see the conflict in her eyes: upbringing verses desire.

"I know. And I want to show you how much I'm in love with you," he said as he ran his hand through his hair. "But at the same time, I don't want to start this relationship like every other one I've had and I don't want to pressure you into feeling like you've got to do something against your upbringing. But at the same time, all I want to do is make love to you."

"And I want to do the same thing, it's just," she laid back and stared at the ceiling. "Ugh, I can't even explain it. My body is saying go for it, my mind is telling me to keep my true love waits promise, my heart is saying do anything to keep him because he's the one. And I've never been at this point in any other relationship and I don't know how to handle it. And to top it all off is the fact that this is 'problem' is coming up so early."

He crawled up the bed and laid on his side to face her. "You think I'm the one," he asked as he brushed several strands of hair from her cheek.

She turned her head to face him. "I've known you were the one since you showed up in my parking lot with that car and a bouquet of flowers," she replied softly.

"Ya know what," he said as he reached into the pocket of his jeans. "I think you're the one too," he replied softly as he opened a blue velvet box and placed it on her stomach. Inside was a diamond ring. The marquise center stone was embraced by baguette side stones and set in platinum. He looked her in the eyes. "Will you marry me?"

She was in shock. She looked at the ring. She looked at him. She looked back at the ring and remembered she wasn't wearing her top. Anger rolled through her blood. "Get out," she said in a voice she didn't fully recognize as her own.

"What," JC said in utter confusion as he sat up in the bed.

Amanda picked up the ring box and closed it as she was climbing off the bed. "I said 'get out'," she said again as she threw the ring box in JC's direction.

"Wait, what's wrong," JC asked as he scrambled off the bed. He took two steps towards Amanda and grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him. She reached out and slapped him across his left cheek. He was stunned.

"How dare you do this! Do you play this game with everyone who resists you?"

"Huh?"

"'Oh, she's going to wait till marriage, so maybe if I propose, she'll drop her pants before the wedding and then I'll leave her.' Is that your game? How many of those rings do you have made? Ten? Twenty," she yelled at him. She turned to the closet and grabbed her suitcase and walked to the dresser. "Get out."

"Will you please listen to me," JC said. "That is my grandmother's ring. She gave it to me before she passed away. She made me promise to only give it to the woman I truly loved."

"And you just happen to carry it around with you," she asked as she emptied the drawers into her suitcase.

"No, I happen to carry it when I'm going to propose."

"And why this trip? Because you knew I was going to fall for the 'Amanda's Houses'? Or did you think the sob story about that girlfriend and the baby would win me over?"

"That is a low blow," JC countered, clearly taken aback by her comment. "And why would I have to play any games? I seem to remember I was the one that stopped the other night from happening not you."

"For your information, I was going to stop it anyway, I just made it seem like you were the one to stop so you wouldn't feel like you were shot down by me."

"Ok, fine, if that what you think happened, then so be it. But to get back on track, I wasn't going to propose on this trip."

"Ok JC, which was it, were you are weren't you?"

"I wasn't. I had it with me because I had it cleaned up and appraised yesterday," he answered.

Amanda rolled her eyes. "Convenient. Any more lies? No? Good. Get out!" she yelled as she pushed him to the door.

He grabbed her wrists and stopped moving. "Would you listen to me," he said as he struggled to hold her wrists as she fought to get free.

"If you do not let go of me right now, I will scream," she threatened. He dropped her wrists. "Get out!"

"Fine," he said with defeat as held up his hands in a sign of surrender before he turned and exited the suite. She didn't see the tears that were rolling down his face.

She paced the room in anger. She couldn't believe she had let herself fall for him. She quickly stripped off the sandals and jeans she was wearing and grabbed her own clothes. She quickly packed up her items in the bathroom. As she picked up her bags and headed out of the suite, she called Gentian.

"I'm leaving," she said after Gentian answered.

"Why, what's wrong," Gentian asked sensing something different in Amanda's voice.

"Oh nothing, just that I wouldn't sleep with JC so he proposed to me," she answered as she angrily stabbed the down arrow button for the elevator.

"What? That doesn't sound like him."

"Well, believe it. Anyway, it's over, and I'm going back to Orlando, packing my apartment and moving back to North Carolina. While I don't like being in the same country as him, I refuse to live in the same city and state." She had the doorman hail her a cab.

"Amanda, calm down. What happened?"

Amanda explained everything that had happened the past two days while she rode in the cab to the airport. "Amanda, that's all circumstantial. Why won't you even consider he really loves you and wants to marry you?"

"Gen, how can he know, we haven't been together that long."

"But, he is a strong believer in love at first sight. He's always said he'd know who his wife was supposed to be as soon as he saw her," Gentian explained.

"Um, yeah, great theory except for one thing. If that were true, why would he have been in long term relationships with other people?" There was silence on the other end. "Yeah, that's what I thought. Listen, I've got to go. It was nice knowing you. I hope you and Justin are very happy." She hung up her phone and turned it off before Gentian could answer.

As she waited in line at the ticket counter, the events of the past two days flashed through her mind with the events of the morning set on permanent repeat. Tears finally started to fall when she realized how close she had come to losing at his game.

"Miss, can I help you," the ticketing agent finally said loud enough to break Amanda's concentration.

"Yeah," she replied as she wiped her eyes and handed the gentleman her ticket and ID.

"This isn't for five days," he said suspiciously as he eyed her.

"Yeah, I know, I have to leave now," she answered with a distracted tone.

"Why?"

"Family emergency," she quickly said the first thing that came to mind.

"Ok, let me see what we can find." The agent tapped on the keyboard in front of him. His heart reached out to her and he motioned her closer. "I'm not supposed to do this, but this is clearly an upsetting situation. I'm going to put you on the next flight out which just started boarding and takes off in twenty-five minutes. The only seat left is first class and I'm going to waive the upgrade fee," he said and handed her the boarding pass. "I'm going to call the gate and ask them to hold the plane for an extra minute or so. And Manny here will give you a lift to security and on to the gate. You should make it just in time. And I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thanks," Amanda managed to smile as she took the boarding pass and baggage claim ticket. She walked with Manny to the waiting golf cart. Because she was with the airline worker, she was fast tracked through security. As they approached the gate, she noticed no one was in the waiting area.

"Ms. Parrish, you just made it," the gate attendant said with sympathy. Amanda thanked Manny and the gate agent and quickly walked down the ramp to the waiting airplane. She was the last passenger to board and they were taxing the plane away from the terminal before she had a chance to sit down and buckle her seat belt.

She stared out her window as the aircraft reached cruising altitude crying silently. She barely noticed when the elderly woman next to her handed her a tissue.

"What's wrong sweetie," she asked when Amanda took the tissue from her.

"I just had my heart broken," she said quietly and turned back to the window. She didn't speak again till the plane landed in Orlando.

            "JC, where are you," Gentian yelled into the phone. She had called JC to get his side of the story, however, the conversation was not going well because of a lot of noise on the line.

            "I'm at the airport. I'm taking Jive's plane to Orlando," he yelled into the phone. He was climbing the stairs to the Leer Jet. "Hang on." He entered the cabin of the jet and walked to the sitting area in the back. "There, is that better?"

            "Yeah, much. Now what the hell happened between you two? She called and said it was over, to have a good life and she was moving back to North Carolina. Something about a proposal?"

            "Yeah, it went something like that," he said with a heavy sigh. As he waited for the flight crew to finish preparing the plane, he told her his side of the story. "I don't know what I did to freak her out."

            "Well, proposing marriage after the semi-quasi second date would freak someone out," Gentian pointed out.

            "Thanks for the reminder. I thought you were on my side," he replied tartly.

            "I'm on the side of love." He could hear the smile in her voice. "And I see both your sides."

            "And," he probed.

            "Go after her. Make her listen. I know you, you've always been afraid in the past to be tied down. I sometimes think that's why you were in the dead-end relationships you've had. So for you to go and propose marriage, with your grandmother's ring, on the semi-quasi second date tells me that you mean business. And some how you've got to let her know it wasn't because you wanted to into her pants. You may have to move heaven, earth and all in between, but you've got to make her listen."

            "Hopefully she will have calmed down enough over the next few hours for me to talk to her." He sighed heavily. "How do I keep screwing this up?"

            "Because you're a spazz," she replied with a laugh.

            "Ha ha," he said with a small smile.

            "Because you're in love and love is blind and doesn't have the capacity to think," she said seriously.

            "For once I would like to do something right," he answered back. "Look, we're about to take off so I have to get off this thing. Thanks for the talk."

            "You're welcome. Now go get your bride," Gentian replied before she hung up.

* * * * *

            Blink… Blink… Blink… Blink… Blink… The red message light kept flashing on the answering machine. Amanda kept staring at it from her seat on the couch. It said she had three messages. The voice mail for her cell phone said it too had three messages. She had no way of telling whom the messages were from, but she knew they were probably from JC. She didn’t want to hear his voice. She turned her attention to the window and stared out the window.

            Ring… Ring… "Hello, this is Amanda, I can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave a message, I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Have a great day!"

            "Amanda, it's JC." The sound of his voice brought the tears back to her eyes. "If you're there, pick up. Please…" She kept looking out the window. "Ok, so you're either not there or not answering. I'm back in Orlando and on my way over. We need to talk. We have to talk. I still don't understand what happened. Please don't let this end this way. I love you too much. I'll be there soon." He hung up.

            She looked at her watch. She knew she had no more than twenty-five minutes before he arrived. She looked around the apartment. Her shoes were still by the door. Her suitcase just inside the bedroom. She wanted to leave but didn't know where she could go. She didn't have the money for a hotel and knew no one in Orlando well enough to crash at their place. As she turned back to the window, an object on the end table caught her eye. It was a picture of her family at their vacation home on the outskirts of Miami. She smiled. She knew it would be empty. No one rented the house in August; it was just too hot in South Florida. She quickly exchanged a few items in her suitcase, packed up her laptop and headed to her car.

* * * * *

            It had been two days since she arrived in Miami. She had made only one phone call, to her family. By some small chance, she had gotten the answering machine. She briefly explained she was using the house for the week and that she couldn't tell them why but to trust her.

            She didn't answer the phones those two days either. She had gotten two calls from her family on the line to the vacation home. JC called her cell phone ten times since she had left Orlando. Gentian had called twice. Someone in New York, probably Joey, had called once.

            She was able to do a lot of thinking over those two days. The repetitive motion of the ocean, the sea breeze and the warmth of the sun beating down on her skin had a soothing effect on her soul. The beach had always calmed her mind and allowed her to think clearly. She had made several decisions about her life. All she needed to do now was follow through with them when she got back to Orlando.

            On the morning of her third day, the house phone rang at 8am. Still half asleep, Amanda picked up the receiver. "Hello."

            "Amanda, please don't hang up," JC answered.

            She sat up in bed, pulling her knees to her chest. She took a deep calming breath. "What do you want?" She wanted to hang up, but she fought the urge.

            "We need to talk." She heard the pain in his voice. She didn't understand why, he was the one that hurt her.

            "I would have thought you'd taken the hint by now. Usually when someone doesn't return phone calls it means they don’t want to talk." Her voice was full of ice. "Besides, I have nothing to say to you. We're over and done. Move on, I have."

            "Bullshit," he replied hotly. "If you had moved on, you wouldn’t be in Miami. You'd be back in Orlando and able to face me. You still love me, admit it." JC cursed himself silently. This was not how he envisioned the conversation would go. He was letting his emotions get the best of him.

            "I will do nothing of the sort. I can not admit to anything I do not feel," she said lying through her teeth. She fought hard to not have her voice betray her.

            He sighed. He heard a very small break in her voice. He knew she was lying. He softened his tone. "Fine. Then meet me. Tell me to my face that it's over. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me."

            "No." She couldn't face him, not yet. "There's nothing to discuss. It's over. Please don't call me again," she said. She hung up. She laid back in bed and sighed deeply. The phone rang again. She looked at the caller ID screen. It was JC again. Her hand lingered over the phone. She wanted to pick it up. She wanted to hear his voice. But she resisted. The answering machine picked up. She didn't listen to his message. She changed her clothes and went for a run.

            When she had gotten back from her run, there were three new messages on the machine. She didn't want to listen to him or the phone ring all day. The rest of the day she stayed out on the beach. She had returned to the house only briefly when she needed another book to read.

            That evening, she cooked dinner for herself. She had gotten into a routine the three days she had been there. It was simple. Get up, sit on the beach all day reading and thinking, eat dinner, watch a movie, and go to bed. She wasn't able to find a movie on TV so she pulled out her copy of The Fast and the Furious. She sat there watching the TV but not really comprehending what was happening on it. Then something caught her attention: a song. She concentrated on the movie. It wasn't coming from the TV. She listened more closely. "Did I leave the radio on," she thought. But it didn't sound like it was coming from the bedroom either. She stood up and walked to the screen door. She had left the sliding glass door open so she could hear the ocean and feel the sea breeze. As she approached the door, the song got louder. She froze. The voice was unmistakable. It was JC. She stepped out on to the deck and looked over the railing. He was sitting on the sand dune below with a guitar:

I don't know how it got so crazy
But I'll do anything to set things right
'Cause your love is so amazing
Baby you're the best thing in my life
Let me prove my love is real
And made you feel the way I feel
I promise I would give the world
If only you would tell me girl

The words to say
The road to take
To find a way back to your heart
What can I do
To get to you
And find a way back to your heart

Give me one more chance, to give my love to you
'Cause no one on this earth loves you like I do,
tell me

The words to say
The road to take
To find a way back to your heart
What can I do
To get to you
And find a way back to your heart

I'd turn back time
To make you mine
And find a way back to your heart
I beg and plead
Fall to my knees
To find a way back to your heart

The words to say
The road to take
To find a way back to your heart
What can I do
To get to you
And find a way back to your heart

            She couldn't help but listen. She loved his voice. And it was full of emotion. She heard his voice crack a time or two as he fought to control his feelings. She was mesmerized throughout the whole song.

            "JC, you're going to get yourself arrested," was the first and only thing she could think of to say.

            "'If love is a crime, Then punish me, I would die for you, Cause I don't want to live without you, What can I do'," he replied. She didn't respond. His heart ached at the sight of her standing on the deck. He wanted to touch her, to run up the steps and hold her in his arms, to make her understand. "Can I come up and talk," he finally asked.

            She hesitated. She wanted to talk to him. She needed to talk to him. But she didn't trust herself to be alone with him. She went against her feelings. "How about going out somewhere?"

            "Ok, not exactly private, but ok," he replied.

            He met her at her car a few minutes later. They didn't say much at first. She drove to an all-night diner. It was quiet and the food was decent. They sat in a booth in the back. She looked at him from across the table. He had dark circles under his eyes, looking as if he hadn't slept in days. He watched her. Her skin was darker and her hair had sun streaks. But he noticed the dark circles under her eyes as well.

            "So, I guess you talked with my family," she finally said as she played with her glass of soda.

            "Yeah, it took some doing, but your mother finally gave in. I think she got tired of me calling every hour," he said with a bit of a laugh. She smiled. "I miss that," he said.

            "What," she asked slightly confused.

            "Your smile. It lights up your face."

            "Uh, thanks." There was an awkward silence. "So…"

            "…so. I'd ask how you've been, but I can see the circles under your eyes."

            "Geez, you really know how to flatter a gal," she replied a bit too harshly. She took a deep breath and started again. "Yeah, new bed I guess. You've got the circles too," she pointed out.

            "I know, I've not been sleeping well either. Kinda hard to when you keep thinking about something that's happened but can't figure out why it went wrong," he answered. She didn't respond. "What did happen? I mean, please don't think I'm being a ditz or something, but I really don't understand what freaked you out."

            "JC…" It was the first time she said his name that night and it sounded so sweet coming from her lips. "…Think about it from my perspective. I barely know you the person. Yes, I know JC, the pop superstar, the infatuation of millions world wide, the singer, the producer, but I don't know you. I don't understand how you think or what makes you really happy, what your favorite food really is, whether or not you leave the seat up or down. And you know even less of me. So after our conversation about waiting, for you to go and propose marriage the next day, the only conclusion I can come to is that all you're interested in is a roll in the hay."

            "I didn't mean that, honestly. I'm impulsive. I know what I want and I go for it. And that's what I did with you. I want you. I want everything. You challenge me to be a better person. I want to know how you think. If I could, I would love to bottle that smile and laugh and take it everywhere I go. You make me feel alive. You make me feel like a normal person. So many people treat me like the superstar every day. And don’t get me wrong it's nice from time to time, but after meeting you, I wish more people were like you, treating me as if I was nothing more than the average guy living next door. As much as it frustrates me, I love the way you don't need or want material things as displays of affections. I love how you're not afraid to work hard to get what you want," he said. He stopped when the waitress brought their food.

            "It seems like we have a big problem," Amanda said a minute or two later.

            "What's that," JC asked with curiosity evident in his voice.

            "You and I don't understand each other yet," she answered. JC raised an eyebrow. "Our way of thinking is vastly different and it frustrates or scares us when the other does something totally out of character for our mind sets." JC's confusion showed on his face. "While I thought it was perfectly normal for my reaction to the gifts, you didn't understand. It frustrated you. It was frustrating to me. I've been sheltered. People don't bestow lavish gifts unless they want something. You've got worldly experience. Someone dropping fifty grand for a car for a simple gift is nothing, in your frame of reference." He nodded his understanding. "And for someone who had never really been in any type of relationship, marriage proposal after only two dates is very scary."

            "Why was it scary?"

            "Because I've never felt this way. I've never had to deal with the feelings I'm having. I don't know if they're love, I think they're love, or are they're just physical desire. And then add a marriage proposal and it just freaked me out."

            "I never meant for that to happen. And I've never felt this way before. I know I'm in love."

            "How?"

            "Well, and this may not make any sense, all my other relationships, sex has been nothing more than a way to satisfy a physical desire. It was all about lust, for a lack of a better word. And I think that was part of why I always jumped into it in the past."

            "But what about now? You act as if you can't take your hands off me."

            "I know, but now it’s not just a physical desire. It's also an emotional desire. In the past, I just did it as a physical outlet of energy and stress. Emotionally, I would feel the same way about a one night stand as I did about an ex – just another lay. But now I want to find that intimacy that sex is supposed to bring to a relationship. I want to learn about you. I want you to learn about me. I want to hold you. I want to be able to look into your eyes and know exactly what you're thinking and feeling. That night spent with you, holding you in my arms while you slept, was one of the best nights of sleep I've had in a long time. Before it was a physical need. Now it's an emotional need."

            "Are you sure?"

            "Yes."

            "How?"

            "In all the interviews you've read, how many times had I said I was ready to settle down and get married?"

            Amanda thought. "None that I recall."

            "Exactly. I've never wanted to get married till I met you. I knew almost immediately you were the one. Do you know the reason I broke up with the girlfriends you knew about?"

            "No, while I wondered, I figured if you wanted the public to know, you’d say something.”

            "I broke up with them was because they were pressuring me into marriage. There were times I could barely see myself with them for three months, much less 'till death do us part'."

            "Then why'd you stay with them?"

            "Because it was familiar. Because there were times I thought that maybe I was just being blind and that they were really the one. Because they put up with my career and me so I felt I owed them something. It's something that I will probably never be able to fully explain. Like a lot of things."

            Amanda didn't know how to respond. "Can I ask you something," JC finally said.

            "Uh, sure, only seems fair."

            "Why have you never been in a serious relationship?"

            "Good question. Partly because I'm picky. Partly because I'm insecure. Mostly because I'm afraid of getting hurt."

            "Again?"

            "No. I've never really been in a relationship long enough to know a bad 'hurt'. It's more about society today. I look at all the relationships that go wrong. People, like my parents that separate after twenty-five years of marriage. Three of my best friends from high school have gotten married. Two have already gotten divorced. We've only been out of high school for six and seven years. And, while marriage scares me, it freaked me out even more when you proposed because celebrity marriages are so much more high intensity. I mean, I think I can name maybe two celebrity couples that have been married for more than twenty years."

            "If marrying a celebrity scares you, then why date one?"

            She paused for a moment. "Have you ever had a preconceived notion about something but decided to give it a try anyway because maybe it wasn't what you thought it would be?" JC nodded. "That's kinda where I'm coming from."

            "So you only wanted to date me because I'm a celebrity?"

            "No. It's like I've said before, you're a normal person with an abnormal job, as is the case with any celebrity. But it took me a while after meeting you to start practicing what I was preaching when it came to my feelings. And then it finally hit me, I wanted to date you because I wanted to get to know Joshua Scott Chasez, the guy doing his damnedest to impress me, not because I wanted to be seen with JC from *Nsync. And if eventually we got to that point, we'd get married."

            "And now?"

            "I've done a lot of thinking the three days I've been down here, especially today, this evening…"

            "And…?"

            She reached across the table and took his hand in hers. "I came to the conclusion that I needed to pack my bags and go home…"

            "Please don't. I don't think I can live with out you," JC interrupted with tears in his eyes.

            Amanda held up a finger making him pause. "Then, after our conversation this morning and our talk tonight, I realized that was not the right decision. I over reacted. And I'm sorry," she said as her voice cracked with emotions. "I really didn't mean to do this to you. And if I could, I'd put things back to where we were. I'm sorry," she said again softly as a tear fell.

            "Don't, this is as much my fault too. If I would stop and think every once in a while, maybe I wouldn't keep doing this type of stuff that makes you upset."

            "No matter, I do know this talk will help us avoid this problem in the future, I hope," she replied pensively.

            "Does this mean what I think it does," JC responded, not quite sure to believe his ears or not.

            "Do I have to spell it out," she asked with a laugh. "I want to give us another chance."

            "Really?"

            "Will you stop questioning this before I change my mind," she said as she stood up slightly and leaned over the table. JC mirrored her actions.

            "I love you," he said just before they kissed.

They talked for a couple more hours, finally leaving the diner around one in the morning. "Do you need me to drive you to your hotel," she asked as they climbed into her car.

"I haven't gotten a hotel room yet. I came straight to your place from the airport," he replied sheepishly.

"And I don't remember seeing a car in the drive when we left," she probed.

"Ahh, took a cab."

"And your luggage?"

"Hidden behind a bush under the bay window."

"You either didn't think this trip through or you had faith we'd get back together," she said as they pulled to a stop at a light. She looked over at him and smiled and took his left hand with her right. He pulled it up to his lips and kissed it gently.

"A bit of both," he replied with a laugh. "So I figure when we get back to your place, I'll call another cab and go to the Fontainebleau or something."

"Or you could stay with me," she replied matter-of-factly. She heard him draw a hesitant breath. "I mean, I've got three other bedrooms, why let them go to waste."

"Done," he said as he yawned loudly. They sat in a comfortable silence for the rest of the drive.

When they arrived at the house, JC retrieved his luggage and Amanda showed him to his room. It was nicely appointed room and decorated in creams and light browns with a balcony over looking the ocean. "The bed's already made and towels are under the sink in the bathroom," she said as she turned down the covers and drew the curtains across the sliding glass door. "I'll be right next door if you need anything," she said as she walked to him.

He took her in his arms and held her silently. She rested her head on his chest and sighed. "This feels right," she said.

"Yeah it does," he said as he drew back slightly and kissed her on her forehead. "I've missed this."

"Yeah, me too," she replied as she took his face in her hands and leaned up for a gentle kiss. "Sleep well."

"You too," he said with another kiss on her forehead. "I love you," he said as she left the room.

She turned as she stepped out of the room. "I love you too," she said with a playful smile on her lips.

When she got to her room, she quickly changed and slipped under the covers of her bed. Even though she was physically and emotionally drained, she could not fall asleep. An hour later, after trying various techniques, including counting sheep, she was still awake. She flung the covers off and grabbed her robe as she headed out the door. She padded silently down the hallway. Her book was sitting on the kitchen table. "Maybe if I read some, I'll be able to sleep," she thought to herself.

As she passed JC's door, she noticed it was cracked slightly. She opened the door further and looked in. It was a full moon and its light played across his sleeping form. His face looked so peaceful as he slept. She crept silently to the bed, watching his chest rise and fall with each breath. She didn't want to wake him. When she reached his bed, she didn't know what to do, so she continued to watch him sleep. A while later, she reached out and lightly ran her hand over his cheek and leaned down and placed a feather light kiss on his temple. "I love you," she whispered. As she left the room, JC sighed. She wondered if he had heard her.

She returned to her room. "I just needed to see he was ok," she said just as she fell asleep almost immediately.

JC woke with a start. "Amanda," he called out just above a whisper. He looked around and didn't see her. He laid back down. "I could have sworn she was right here," he thought as he inhaled deeply to clear his mind and realized he could faintly detect the fragrance she wore. He smiled. He loved the perfume she wore. A light and airy vanilla musk, she wore just the right amount, just enough to know it was there. He turned over to get comfortable again. And hour later, he was not able to go back to sleep. He was frustrated as he sat up. He had never had a problem going to sleep until after Amanda left. It was as if holding her in his arms that night were an addictive drug, to be able to sleep, he needed her. He laughed at the thought and climbed out of bed. When he reached the door he looked left toward the living room, then looked right towards the other bedrooms. He turned right.

As he reached Amanda's room, he smiled when he saw the door open. He looked in and smiled. She was lying on her back, her hair splayed out over the pillow. The moonlight showed through the sliding glass door. A small smile played on his lips. He leaned in the doorway and watched her. He yawned. He walked to the bed and stood over her. He wanted to reach out and touch her but feared that if he did he would disturb her sleep. He grabbed the armchair by the balcony door and moved it closer to the bed, positioning it so he could look at her. He propped his feet on the night stand and leaned back. She stirred, he held his breath, slowing releasing it when she settled on her side. He yawned again and rested his head on the back of the chair and closed his eyes.

When she awoke, it was morning and the sun streamed through the glass doors and onto her bed. She yawned and stretched and reached for the mints she always had by her night stand. As she opened the container and popped two into her mouth, she sat up and looked out to the ocean. She smiled. JC was still asleep in the chair and snoring lightly. Just then his eyes flew open. "Good morning," she said softly with a smile.

"Did you know that at three a.m., you look like an angel in the moonlight," he asked as he smiled back at her.

"Hmm, that's funny you should say that because at two a.m., you look like an angel too," she replied with a smile.

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "So you were in my room last night."

"Guilty," she replied as she watched him move his head round in circles. She saw him grimace as he reached up and rubbed the left side of his neck. "Come here," she said as she patted the bed in front of her. She started kneading his bare shoulders and neck. "You know," she said a minute later, "if you slept in your bed instead of that chair, you wouldn't have this problem."

"Yeah, but you and I share the same affliction, unable to sleep without seeing the other first," he replied.

"Astute diagnosis doctor. And the treatment," she asked playfully.

He turned to face her. "Simple, always sleep together," he answered with a smile and leaned for a kiss. She held up her hand to stop him and reached for the mints. She placed two in his mouth, his tongue light grazing her finger as she did. He smiled as the mints quickly dissolved and then leaned and kissed her passionately.

She broke the kiss a few minutes later. "Can I tell you something," she asked as he rubbed her cheek gently.

"Sure, anything," he answered.

"You know that sucking thing you do with my bottom lip," she said. He nodded. "Could you not do that," she asked sheepishly.

"Sure, why? Do you not like it," he inquired.

"No, I like it too much," she said with a light laugh. He leaned in and kissed her forehead.

"Done," he replied. "Now, how about some breakfast."

"Ooo, sounds good, whatcha gonna fix?"

"Me, it's your house," he said innocently.

"Ahhh, in other words, you don't know how to cook?"

"Uh, yeah, exactly," he replied.

"Then what do you do when you're not on tour," she asked as they climbed off her bed.

"Isn't that why they created take out," he asked innocently. She shook her head as if she couldn't believe her ears.

They spent the day on the beach talking, playing and, in JC's case, sleeping. That evening, they grilled chicken and watched a movie. They talked a lot during the day about their relationship and what they needed to do to make it work. They went to bed early that evening, both still recovering from the emotional and physical stresses of the past few days.

However, at midnight, Amanda found she was still awake. As with the night before, she had left her book in the kitchen. As she walked down the hallway, she bumped into something. She screamed. And someone screamed back. Both she and JC caught their breaths and started to laugh. She flipped on the hallway light.

"Don't do that again," she said with mock sternness as she lightly hit his arm.

"Me, you were the one that screamed," he said as he reached out and poked at her sides. She laughed and pulled away. "Ok, someone's ticklish I see," he said as she poked at her more.

"JC, stop, I don't like that," she said as she tried to pull away. He kept poking and she finally was able to grab his hands and lace her fingers in his. He continued to try and poke her. "JC," she said as she continued to laugh, "if you don’t stop, you're going to end up on the floor," she warned.

"Oh really," he said with a challenging smile, "I'd like to see you try."

"Have it your way," she said with a mischievous grin. She unlaced her fingers from his but still held on to his hands. In one fluid motion, placed her right leg behind his and threw her right hip into his. He lost his balance and ended up flat on his back with his fall being slowed because Amanda still had a hold of his hands. "Told you," she said as she stood over him and put her hands on her hips.

"How'd you do that," he asked in amazement and he peered up at her.

"Black belt in karate," she replied as she held her hand out to help him.

"You know you're going to pay for that," he said as he stood up.

"Oh, I count on it," she replied with a wink and walked away from him towards the kitchen.

When he entered the kitchen, she was getting a bottle of water from the refrigerator. "Couldn't sleep either," he asked as she handed him a bottle as well.

"Not a wink," she replied as she sat at the breakfast bar and yawned.

"Well," he said as he took a sip from the bottle, "we could always try something like last night," he suggested.

"Nah, that chair isn't that comfortable," she replied with a slight grin.

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do, and I wish I could say no, but I know that's the only way I'm going to sleep tonight," she said with smile as she reached for his hand and gave it a small kiss.

"So you're not objecting," he asked.

"I'll do it on one condition…"

"What's that," he questioned.

"You put a shirt on," she replied seriously.

"What, you don't like the way I look," he asked sadly as he flexed his arm.

She took a deep breath, "Um no, I like it a lot, I just don't think I'll be able to sleep with a half naked man next to me," she replied with a grin.

"Done," he said as she stood up. He smiled. She gave him a confused look. He bent over and placed one arm behind her legs and picked her up. Instinctively she wrapped her arms around his neck so she wouldn't fall.

"What are you doing, you're going to hurt yourself," she said with a laugh as he started walking towards the bedrooms.

"Hit the lights will you love," he said as they passed through the doorjamb to the hallway. Amanda reached out and turned off the kitchen lights. He walked into his room and picked up a tee shirt lying across the back of the chair. "Hall lights," he said as they passed the switch. Again, she turned out the lights. He entered her room. It was lit by the moonlight. He gently placed her on the bed and pulled the shirt over his head and climbed under the covers. She put her head on his chest and wrapped an arm around his waist. He wrapped one arm around her shoulders and lightly stroked her arm with the other. Their breathing and heartbeats calmed and nearly mimicked the other.

"Amanda," he asked quietly a few minutes later.

"Yeah," she replied sleepily.

"What are we going to do when we go back to Orlando," he questioned.

"I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it," she answered lightly as she drifted into sleep.

When Amanda awoke the next morning, JC was not beside her. She sat up and ran a hand through her hair as she looked around. She smiled. He was standing on the deck, leaning so his elbows rested on the rails, watching the ocean out in front of him. She grabbed a couple of mints and walked outside. She stood next to him and placed her elbows on the railing. "Don't you know it's not polite to leave your girlfriend in bed all alone," she said with a smile.

"Sorry, I was restless and didn't want to wake you," he said as he reached over and stroked her hair as he placed a kiss on her temple.

"What were you thinking about," she said as she took his hand in hers.

"How I don't want this to end tomorrow," he replied as they turned to face each other.

"I don't want it too either, but I have to be back to work in two days," she answered.

"Can't you call off for another day or two," he asked.

"No, they need me, and more importantly, I took the time off without pay and if I don't go back on the thirteenth, I won't make my bills for the month and I risk getting fired," she explained.

"I'm sure they can deal with out you for another day or two, please," he begged.

"JC, I can't. I have a commitment. I'm on the schedule and I can't back out of it. I've been on vacation and they'll frown highly on me if I call in. I have to go back," she said.

"Then why go back at all. I mean, you're not getting paid a lot there, right? I'm sure you can get another job. And if not, then I can support you," he replied matter-of-factly.

Amanda took a deep breath before she spoke. "JC, it's not that simple. I can't let you support me. I have to work. Not only because of the money, but I get cabin fever if I'm out of work for more than a week. Even if I was to accept your support, I can't just quit without notice. That is a huge management company and my career can't afford to have their black mark against it."

"Oh, come on, you're just a front desk agent, are they really going to suffer without you?" JC's tone was slightly harsh. It confused Amanda for a moment.

"Ok, let's try it this way. JC, what's your next public appearance," she asked blankly.

"Um," he paused in thought. "The VMAs in a couple of weeks. Why?" He was confused now.

"I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay with me here in Orlando," she requested.

"I can't do that, I have obligations. Besides, you know how my career is, you can't be selfish like that," he answered quickly. Amanda said nothing, she just raised both her eyebrows at him. A look of understanding crossed his face. "Ok, fine, point taken." He paused for a minute. "But can I ask for a bit of a compromise? Or at least suggest something. You don't have to decide now, but I'm serious about this," he said.

"Ok," she replied and waited for him.

"I understand working is important to you, and it was wrong of me to suggest you quit. Chalk it up to morning brain mush. But, I also know that with you working as much as you do, we're not going to have a lot of time together. Time that we need if we're going to make this work," he paused, she nodded for him to continue. "So," he hesitated, "would you cut back on your hours and I will make up the difference in pay," he paused to see what her immediate reaction was. She turned towards the ocean. "Like I said," he started as he turned back to the ocean, "it's just a suggestion and you can take as long as you want to think over. I know how you are about money issues like this and that's why I'm hesitant to ask you…" his voice trailed off as he watched the waves crash to shore.

"Ya know," she started a few minutes later. He turned in her direction and waited for the tongue-lashing he was about to get, "I have been running myself ragged the past few months," she said as she turned to him with a smile. "I think if I cut back to one overtime shift a week and you pick up my car payment, it'll be about even," she said with a hesitant smile.

He paused for a moment, "Well, seeing as how I've already bought the back end of it, I don't see why I shouldn't pay for the rest of it," he said with a laugh and leaned over to kiss her. "Thank you."

"No, thank you," she said. "But don't be surprised when you go out of town if I'm not at home because I'm picking up more shifts at work," she finished with a smile.

"Fair enough," he answered as he pulled her into a hug.

"Hey, what is today," she asked a minute later.

JC looked at the date on his watch. "Um, it's the eleventh of August. Why?"

"That's what I though. I'm just terrible at loosing the date while on vacation and I wanted to make sure it was tomorrow we had to go home," she answered as she held back a smile.

"Ok," he said with a slightly confused tone. "What's for breakfast?'

"Do you guys ever think about anything but food?"

"Yes, but you don't want to know what else," he said with a playful smile.

After breakfast, they spent the rest of the morning out on the beach. After lunch, JC laid out on the hammock on the porch while Amanda sat on the chaise lounge and read a book. An hour later, she knew JC was asleep by his breathing pattern. She smiled and crept silently into the house. She quickly changed into a pair of shorts and a tank top and wrote a note and taped it to the sliding glass door where he would be sure to see it.

She drove to the nearby shopping center. As she waited for the bakery to complete the dessert for the evening, Amanda picked up several items at the grocery store. When she returned to the house ninety minutes later, JC was still asleep in the hammock. She put away the items she purchased and changed back into her bathing suit and went back out to the deck. Just as she sat down, he woke up.

"Hey sleepyhead, how was your nap," she asked as he stretched.

"Wonderful. Have you been reading all this time," he asked as he stood up.

"No, I just piddled around, got stuff prepared for dinner, I'm cooking tonight," she said with a smile.

"Oh, what are we having," he asked as he sat down behind her and started rubbing her shoulders.

"I figured steak, twice baked potatoes, salad, bread sticks," she said rattling off the menu.

"Steak, now you're talking woman," he said with a slight laugh.

"And I have a surprise for you, so no peeking in the refrigerator," she said as she turned around and wagged a finger at him.

"Who me? Peek, never," he said as he stood up quickly and ran to the fridge and opened it. He opened the freezer as well. "Um, Amanda, I don't see anything out of the ordinary," he said as he turned to look at her standing in the doorway.

"Oh sorry, I must have been mistaken," she replied with a laugh, "I thought Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream was your favorite," she finished.

"Oh it is, but I thought this was here yesterday," he replied.

"Nope, bought it today. Let's go back to the beach," she said as she grabbed her straw tote. The couple spent the rest of the afternoon on the beach.

That evening, true to her word, she cooked for him. The steaks had been marinating all afternoon and turned out perfectly. The potatoes were another story. Potatoes that started out to be twice baked quickly became mashed. The mixed green salad and breadsticks were impossible to mess up. They shared a bottle of red wine

They dined outside on the balcony as the sun set. They had caught a break in the weather over the past days with the temperatures being nearly ten degrees below normal for that time of the year.

"Now, time for dessert," she said as she cleared the dishes away.

"Here, let me help," he said as he picked up his plate.

"Nope, sit down, I've got it," she said as she balanced the plates in one hand while she grabbed the wine bottle and glasses with the other. "I mustn't let those two years of waiting tables in college go to waste," she replied with grin as he stood up and walked to the railing.

A few minutes later, he heard her behind him. He turned and smiled.

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
You look like a monkey,
And you smell like one too!

She stood in the doorway with a small cake in her hands. There were two candles, one in the shape of a two and the other in a six, on it. "Happy belated birthday. Make a wish," she said as she sat the cake on the table.

JC approached the table, leaned over, closed his eyes and blew out the candles. He smiled when he looked up at her. "Thank you," he said as he took her in his arms and kissed her.

"You're welcome. I'm sorry I missed the one on the eighth," she replied with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"Ahh, don't worry about it, it wasn't much, I was there," he replied with a laugh in hopes of lifting the sadness he saw in her eyes.

"And I’m sorry I don't have a gift for you either," she continued.

"Hey, I've already gotten the one thing I want right now, you, so don't be sorry," he said then paused. "Actually, seeing as how we're celebrating my birthday and therefore am king for the night, I decree that there will be no more sadness!"

She laughed. He did too. She cut the cake. It was a mint chocolate chip ice cream cake.

"Let's go for a walk," he said after they had finished the dessert. He took her hand and led her down the deck to the beach. They left their shoes at the base of the steps and walked down the beach, allowing the waves to gently lap at their feet. They walked in silence for nearly five minutes.

"JC, what's wrong," Amanda finally asked. He didn't answer her. She stopped and turned to face him. "Jace," she probed.

"I'm afraid," he said quietly and looked away.

She reached up and turned him back to her. "Why are you afraid? What are you afraid of?"

"I'm afraid about us. What if we don't make it?" He was serious.

"JC, I thought I was the one that was easily spooked in this relationship," she replied. "Where's this coming from?"

"My wish," he answered.

"You're wishing we don't make it," she asked slightly confused.

"No, just the opposite," he replied as he led her away from the waves and to the soft dry sand several feet away. "Amanda, I need to know, do you love me?"

She was taken by surprise with his sudden mood shift. "JC, I wouldn't be here with you if I weren't. What's all this about?"

"Promise me you'll marry me," he said.

"I can't do that," she replied.

"Why not," he asked.

"Because I'm not ready for that magnitude of a decision, yet."

"But you love me right?"

"JC, you're scaring me, what is wrong?"

"I don't know, I just have a bad feeling."

"Well, nothing's going to happen. We're going home tomorrow. I'm going back to work, you're going back to whatever it is you do during the days. We're going to work on our relationship," she said trying to encourage him.

"Then we're going to get married, right," he probed.

"If we agree, then yes, we're going to get married, but I don't think that will be for a while," she answered.

"Why?"

"Because right now I’m getting to know 'on a break JC' and before I can marry you, I'm going to have to get to know 'working like a dog, on tour for four months, in a different hotel nearly every night JC'," she said.

"You make me sound like a Barbie doll," he said with a slight smile.

"Well, you've got a lot of roles to play, I need to experience them all before I decide if I love them all," she replied with a laugh. His smile deepened.

The sat there and watched as the surf got close and closer. The tide was coming in. JC broke the silence. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," he said as he reached for her hand.

"Just don't do it again," she replied with a smile. She didn't know what had spooked him, but she hoped those feelings didn't come back for a long time.

They walked back to the beach house and watched a movie. They didn't even attempt to sleep in separate beds that night and soon went to sleep, holding each other, in Amanda's bed.

They woke up early the next morning with the sun streaming across the bed.

"Good morning," Amanda said as she reached over and brushed JC's hair out of his face.

"Hi," he replied. His nose wrinkled. He put his hand over his mouth just before he let out a huge sneeze. He looked at Amanda in surprise.

"Well, that's a heck of a greeting," she said with a sarcastic smile. He sneezed again. "Are you feeling ok," she asked with concern.

"Yeah," he replied. His voice sounded a bit stuffy. "I'll be fine, there must be something in the air," he said out loud as he got out of bed.

After bowls of cereal for breakfast, the couple headed out to the beach. They only spent an hour on the beach, cutting the morning short because JC started feeling worse and worse, and headed to the house to shower and pack for the drive back to Orlando.

"How does the Turnpike look," Amanda called out to JC while she packed her suitcase.

"It's Florida, you know the standard weather forecast," he called back with a laugh. "But to answer your question, right now the route looks clear, but when we're actually there will be a different story."

Amanda hoped any rain for the day would hold out till they were home; she hated driving in the rain, especially during Florida summers. She let out a loud sigh as she closed and zipped her suitcase. She looked around the room for signs she had left something, then she lifted the bag off the bed and rolled it behind her as she left the room. She entered the living room. JC was sitting on the couch with his back to her, watching the weather channel. "How are you feeling," she asked as she planted a kiss on his forehead.

"Eh, I'll live," he replied as he turned off the TV and picked up the duffel bag at his feet. They did a quick walk through of the house and then walked outside, locking the door behind them.

As they drove, they talked and sang with the radio. It was a beautiful Florida day. The sun was shining but in the distance, the clouds started to become thick and dark.

An hour into their drive, a few raindrops appeared on the windshield of the car. The drops soon came faster and harder and Amanda reduced the speed of the car. The driving conditions deteriorated rapidly and soon Amanda was barely able to see the lights of the car in front of her. She turned her hazard lights on in hopes the person behind her would find them easier to spot than her running lights. She searched the side of the road for the next exit or rest area. Driving was becoming too difficult and hazard for her tastes.

Just as she noticed an exit sign, the car in front of her came to a sudden stop. Amanda reacted quickly and was able to stop inches from the bumper in front of her. Suddenly, there was a loud jarring jolt from behind and before Amanda could react, she was pushed into the car in front of her. The impact was hard, enough so the airbags deployed.

As she shook her head in shock, Amanda heard more screeching tires and other cars colliding around her. She took inventory of herself. Her left shoulder hurt from being thrown against the shoulder harness of her seat belt. Her left knee was also painful. She surveyed the damage. The impact between her car and the car in front was significant. She could barely see over the hood. She could also tell she was a few inches closer to the steering wheel and the gas and brake pedals seemed closer. The door was also bent and rain was slowly seeping into the car.

She gently moved her head. Nothing felt out of place, but she also knew some neck injuries wouldn't present themselves for twenty-four hours and others couldn't be found without the assistance of x-rays. All in all, she felt she had come through the accident ok.

"I guess you won't have to be paying for my car now, huh, JC," she said as she turned to look at him. Her eyes widened in alarm. He appeared to be unconscious, his head draped to his right. "JC," she said loudly as she shook him hard. His head rolled to face her. She drew in a sharp breath. His lips were tinged in blue.

She felt panic rise in her throat. "JC," she screamed as she shook him harder. He did not respond. She drew in a deep breath and tried to open her door, it wouldn't budge. She threw her shoulder into the door. It gave a bit. She quickly unfastened her seat belt and turned so her feet were towards the door and started kicking. On the fifth or sixth kick, the door finally opened. With one last thrust, the door opened wide enough to allow her out of the car. She ran around the front of her car and grabbed at the handle of the passenger door. She pulled once, it didn't move. She tried a second time and it budged slightly. On the third attempt, she put all her weight into it and the door suddenly swung open. The force of the freely swinging door knocked her off balance and her right foot slipped out from under her. Her left leg twisted and she crumpled to the ground. She quickly scrambled to stand up and rushed over to JC’s lifeless body.

She checked him again and found he still wasn't breathing. Undoing his seat belt, she pulled him from the car and laid him flat on his back on the roadway. She kneeled over him, ignoring the pain now coursing through her left leg. "JC! Wake up," she commanded as she tilted his head back to open his airway. She put her cheek to his mouth and did not feel any air move. She pinched his nose and gave him two quick breaths, watching his chest rise and fall as she did. She listened again. He still wasn't breathing. She placed two fingers on his neck and felt for a pulse. She felt in several places on both sides of his neck. She didn't find a pulse. She quickly checked his wrist. Again, no pulse. She gave two more quick breaths before finding the base of his breastbone with her left hand. Measuring up two finger widths with her right hand, she placed her left hand on his chest, and put the right on top of it. She compressed his chest five times and gave a breath. She repeated the process for a full minute. She felt for a pulse. None.

"Dammit JC, you are not going to do this to me," she said as she compressed his chest five more times. She gave him a breath. "I will not lose you this way," she said through the compressions. She gave another breath. "You can not die this way." Compressions. Breath. "You are supposed to live…" Compressions. Breath. "…For seventy more years…" Compressions. Breath. “…You can not do this to me…" Compressions. Breath. "What about your mom and dad…" Compressions. Breath. "…Heather, Tyler, Lance, Joey, Chris…" Compressions. Breath. "Justin, Lynn, Kelly, Brianna, Phyllis…" Compressions. Breath. "…Joey, Sr., Gentian, Steve, Nicholas, Jenine…" Compressions. Breath. "Diane, Stacey, Ford, Jim, Randall…" Compressions. Breath. "…Beverly, all of Chris' sisters who I can't name…" Compressions. Breath. "…All the music you still have to make…" Compressions. Breath. "…All the groups you've worked with…" Compressions. Breath. "… You can not leave us like this…" Compressions. Breath. “…You can not leave me like this…” Compressions. Breath. “…I love you too much…” Compressions. Breath.

She was near sobs. It continued to rain hard. They were both drenched. Her hair dripped on his face as she put her hand to his throat. She withdrew it quickly and placed it over her mouth as her sobs overcame her.

He had a pulse. She put her cheek back to his mouth to feel for breathing. She also watched his chest. There was no movement. She continued to give him mouth to mouth. Every so often she felt for a pulse, every time holding her breath till she found it. She didn’t know how long she was there. Time didn't matter. She would breathe for him for the next five hours if needed. The rain continued in torrents. She started to shiver from the wetness.

A fire fighter first responder finally approached her. She told him what happened. He quickly radioed the situation to his superiors. Amanda continued to breathe for JC. Within minutes, an ambulance made its way towards them, lights flashing, sirens sounding if someone got in its way. Amanda looked up. She was surprised to see the number of people standing around her. She hadn't noticed them before now. Before the ambulance came to a complete stop, a paramedic jumped out and ran to them with a red plastic toolbox. She quickly placed a breathing mask over JC's mouth and nose as her partner arrived and took his vital signs. Amanda finally sat back but didn’t relax.

The fire fighter returned with a tarp to hold over the paramedics as they worked on JC. They had called into the hospital and were instructed to intubate him. As soon as they did, they strapped him to a backboard and rushed him to the ambulance.

"Miss," the fire fighter said as she shook Amanda's right shoulder. "Are you going with them," he asked as he helped her to her feet.

"I… I… I don't know," she said with a dazed voice.

"Are you hurt," the fire fighter asked with concern.

"I don't think so," she answered in the same dazed voice as she took a step. Her left leg couldn't support her weight and she fell against the man. He quickly picked her up and carried her to the ambulance and sat her inside. He closed the door and pounded on it two times let the driver know to leave.

From her seat near the back door, Amanda sat and watched in a daze as the male paramedic continued to work on JC. He continued to breathe for JC by squeezing the Ambu bag attached to his breathing tube as he reassessed his vital signs.

"Here, this will help keep you warm," the paramedic said to Amanda as he handed her a thermal foil blanket. It was then that Amanda noticed her teeth chattering.

"Thanks," Amanda replied weakly as she unfolded the blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders, her eyes never leaving JC.

"Are you hurt," the paramedic asked as he took Amanda's right wrist and took her pulse.

"Um," Amanda answered as she tried to remember about herself, "I think my left knee is injured."

"Listen, if I'm going to assess you, I need to trade places with you," the paramedic explained slowly. "If I'm going to do that, I need you to breathe for your friend…"

"Josh," Amanda said quickly.

"Your friend Josh. Do you think you can do that," the paramedic asked as he turned Amanda's head towards him so she could concentrate.

"Yeah, I can do that," she answered as the paramedic stood and Amanda slid down the bench closer to JC's head. She immediately picked up the bag and gave it a squeeze.

"I'm Mike," the paramedic said as he lifted Amanda's left leg on the bench and probed it gently. Amanda felt a sharp pain and turned to him. It was then she noticed how swollen the joint was. "Painful?"

"A bit," she replied. She kept breathing for JC as Mike reached for her left wrist to check a pulse again. When he straightened her arm, she grimaced.

"That's painful too?"

"Yeah, a bit," she replied again as she pulled her arm back to her side. The paramedic stood and opened cabinets and began pulling several things out. Amanda turned her attention back to JC.

"I'm going to put your leg in a splint," Mike said as he placed a piece of cardboard around her knee and packed any open spaces with towels. He then secured the splint in place with gauze. "And put this over your head," he instructed as he handed her a sling. She did as she was told and placed her arm in the fabric of the sling. Mike stood and adjusted the straps. "Feel better?" He asked as he looked at her face. He quickly flashed a light in her eyes to see how her pupils reacted.

"Yes, till you about blinded me," she replied dryly.

"A sense of humor peaking through, I think you'll be fine," he answered with a smile and then turned his attention back to JC. Amanda moved back down the bench to give Mike more room at JC's head as he began to reassess JC's vital signs. They were almost to the hospital. "Now, when we get there, there will be a lot of things going on. The doctors are going to be doing a lot of things to Josh trying to figure out what his injuries are. They are going to be giving him medication to hopefully help him start breathing on his own. Are you related to him?"

Amanda stared at JC in a daze. She didn't know exactly what to say. She finally answered with the first thing that came to her mind. "I'm his fiancee," she said quickly. She had a brief flashback to a Sandra Bullock movie from years ago and twitched slightly to shake the memory from her brain.

"They're also going to take a look at you. X-ray your knee and shoulder, see what's going on, why you're being so quiet," Mike said.

"Ok." Amanda was quiet for a moment. "Can I stay with him while they're working on him?"

"Probably not, like I said, they're going to want to evaluate you too. And it's never a good idea to have non-medical staff in a trauma room," Mike trailed off as the ambulance pulled into the unloading bay of the hospital.

The ambulance doors flew open and doctors dressed in blue scrubs grabbed for the foot of the gurney JC was strapped to. Mike stayed at the front of the gurney and helped push it out while he spieled JC's vitals and a description of the scene to the doctors. They rushed to the doors of the emergency room, leaving Amanda still sitting on the bench. She didn't know what to do or how to get out of the ambulance with her leg and arm wrapped so they could not be used. She sat there.

Finally Mike returned with another doctor and a gurney for Amanda. They helped her to the bed and wheeled her in while Mike told the doctor about Amanda's condition. As they rolled her down the hallway, she caught a glimpse of the trauma room where JC was being worked on. Mike's description of the scene was no where near the organized chaos that surrounded JC now. A tear slipped from her eyes as she was placed in her own room.

"Oh, Amanda," Mike said as a nurse came into the room with a hospital gown for Amanda to change into.

"Yeah," Amanda replied listlessly.

"What you did for Josh, the CPR and mouth to mouth, saved his life. I wish more people were as level headed as you were in a crisis," Mike said as he closed the door. The nurse helped remove Amanda's wet clothing so she could start an IV.

Over the next two hours, Amanda was not told anything about JC. She was given a complete evaluation during that time. The doctors determined she had at minimum a severly sprained her knee and would need to stay off it completely for several days before they could assess the joint for more permanent damage once some of the swelling had been reduced. They cleared her shoulder, just bruised from being forced against the seat belt. They were going to keep her overnight for observation because of her dazed status.

And finally, Dr. Palmer, the doctor that had been working on JC came to her with information on his condition. Along with him was a social worker, Anne.

"How is he," Amanda asked as soon as he introduced himself.

"In critical condition. He's still not breathing on his own. We're going to move him to the ICU and continue to support him with medication and a respirator. The longer he's on the machine, the more severe the aftereffects can be. We're also worried that if he doesn't regain consciousness soon, he'll slip into a coma," Dr. Palmer replied. Amanda's hand went to her mouth as she tried to hide the sobs that were rising in her throat. Tears escaped from her eyes. Anne handed her tissues.

"How long before he does? And why did his heart stop," Amanda questioned as soon as she found her voice.

"At this point, only time will tell. Like I said, the sooner he starts breathing on his own, the better. As for his heart, if the right amount of pressure is applied at the just the right point, the heart stops beating. Somewhat similar to having the wind knocked out of you. While we mostly see that type of injury with fist fights, every now and again it will happen in an automobile accident." The doctor stopped and looked down at the pager at his waist. "They're moving Josh now. Once he's settled and you're settled in your room, you can come see him, briefly," Dr. Palmer said as he stood to exit the room. As the door closed, the sobs Amanda had been holding back broke. Anne walked to the bed and sat down, taking Amanda in her arms as she did and gently rocked her. After several minutes, Anne broke the hold as Amanda's sobs abated.

"I need to ask you some information about Josh," Anne said quietly as Amanda wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Um, I don't mean to be rude or anything, but I need to talk with the hospital's public relations department," Amanda replied.

"Why, do you feel the treatment you or Josh has received has been substandard?"

"Not at all, it's just Josh isn't his real name, sorta," Amanda said as she took a deep breath to try and organize her thoughts. "He goes by JC… Chasez…" There was no sign of recognition on Anne's face. "He's part of *Nsync…" A spark of recognition registered in Anne's eyes. "And once the media gets wind of this story, all hell is going to break loose, they'll descend on this hospital like a swarm of locust and your PR department needs to know of this situation so they're not completely blind sided, though I don't think they'll ever be fully prepared for the three ring media circus that is going to be camped out on their front lawn…" Amanda trailed off.

"I'll call them immediately," Anne said as she walked to the phone.

Several minutes later, a well-dressed middle aged woman entered Amanda's room. Anne made short work with the introductions and Amanda told Mrs. Brown the story she had told Anne just a few minutes before. Just as she finished, there was a knock at the door and a highway patrolman walked in and handed Amanda her purse from the car. He took a brief statement then left. As soon as he did, Amanda pulled her cell phone from her purse and turned it on.

"You can't have that on in here," Anne said quickly.

"I realize that, but there are three numbers I have to get off my phone book so maybe I can get in touch with JC's parents before the media does. They deserve to hear the complete true story, not what yarn the media may spin," Amanda replied as she finished writing out the third number and turned her phone off. She reached for her wallet and pulled out her calling card.

She tried Justin's number first. There was no answer. She thought to call Joey, but remembered he'd be in the middle of the matinee performance of the week. She dialed Gentian's cell and crossed her fingers.

"Hello," Gentian answered breathlessly.

"Gen, it's Amanda…."

"Hey girl, long time no talk," the blonde answered with a smile to her voice. “Have you patched things up with JC?”

Amanda took a deep shaky breath. "Gen, there's been an accident…."

Amanda sat in her bed in her private room a few hours later watching the news. Gentian was shaken by the news of the accident, but was able to give Amanda Johnny's number. She said she and Justin would be on the next flight out of Los Angeles, however, they were in the middle of a massive summer storm and the area airports were closed. Gen was also going to contact the other guys.

A picture in the upper right hand corner of the national news broadcast caught Amanda's attention. Tom Brokaw spoke, "JC Chasez of the internationally popular singing group *Nsync and his female traveling companion were involved in a multi-car collision on the Florida Turnpike earlier today a press release from Jive Records announced." An aerial picture of the scene was splashed on the screen. Amanda cringed at the number of cars and the extent of damage involved. "The press release confirms the accident and that he is receiving medical treatment at a nearby hospital. No word on the extent of his injuries or his current condition."

There was a knock at the door. "Come in," Amanda called.

"Hey, how are you doing," Anne asked as she entered the room.

"Eh," Amanda replied as she held out her hand and wobbled it back and forth.

"Well, they've got JC all set up in the ICU. They wanted to run a few more tests before you came up," Anne explained the hours Amanda had to wait. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"Yeah, I can't exactly push a wheelchair right now, and no one I know is here yet." JC's parents and sister were waiting on standby at the O’Hare airport for the next available fight. His brother Tyler was driving down from Orlando with Chris and should arrive within the next hour. Joey was going to talk to the producers of "Rent" to see if there was anyway he could leave the show for a couple days. They had yet to get a hold of Lance. No one knew exactly how to get a hold of him in Russia, but his parents knew of the situation and were doing their best to contact him.

Anne helped Amanda put on a robe and get situated in the wheelchair. "Now, I want to prepare you for what you're going to see. He's still on the respirator, so he has that tube in his mouth. They've also put in a NG tube so they can get some nutrients in. They've put in a central line so they do not have to repeatedly stick him as they draw blood for lab tests, as well as avoid complications of standard IV's. There are many machines around him. The respirator as well as machines to monitor his heartbeat and blood pressure and stuff like that. He's going to be very pale and look fragile, but don't be afraid to touch him or talk to him. We find that in these cases, a familiar voice is very beneficial for recovery." Anne finished as they stopped outside the ICU entrance. "Now, you'll have ten minutes, and in an hour, you can come back for another ten minutes." She stepped around to face Amanda. "Are you ready?"

"As ready as I can ever be," Amanda replied softly as she stared at the doors in front of her.

Anne inputted the code into the door and they swung open and Amanda was wheeled into the room. She inhaled sharply at the sight ahead of her. Eight hospital beds were organized into a semicircle. Each had its own set of machines attached to a patient. It was hard to tell specifics of the other occupants of the ICU ward, but all eight beds were occupied. Anne walked to the nurses' station. The scrub clad nurse pointed to a bed in the corner of the room. Anne returned and wheeled the chair towards the bed.

Amanda fought the tears rising in her eyes as she quickly realized the occupant of the bed was JC. Anne wheeled Amanda to the bed so it was on her right side. "Are you going to be ok?"

Amanda didn't answer at first, she kept staring at JC. "Um, yeah."

"Then I'll be back in ten minutes," Anne replied as she gently patted Amanda's right shoulder.

Amanda stared. The sight of JC in this conditioned overwhelmed her. He was exactly the way Anne described him to be, but completely different at the same time. All the tubes Anne said would be there were, and he did look pale. But what she had failed to describe was how lifeless his body looked.

She pulled the chair closer to the bed and took his right hand in hers. It was cool to the touch. She raised it to her mouth and gave it a soft kiss. She reached up to his face and brushed a chunk of hair off his forehead.

"Hey babe," she said with a shaky voice. She cleared her throat. "So we were in an accident. But I guess you already know that," she said as she took his hand in hers again. She gently ran her thumb over the top of his hand. "I'm ok. Sprained my knee. And my shoulder hurts. But other than that, I came through with flying colors." A tear slipped down her cheek. "Your parents are on their way from Chicago. And Tyler's driving down with Chris. And the rest of the guys are going to be here as soon as they can." Another tear fell. Amanda reached up and brushed it away with her left hand. "Listen, you need to wake up. You've got us all really, really worried." More tears slipped down her cheeks.

She sat there listening to the rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor, the perfectly timed whoosh of the respirator, the hum of the blood pressure machine starting automatically. She took a deep breath.

"I've got to go. They're only giving me ten minutes and I've been here about nine and a half. I'll be back in an hour. I love you," she said as she raised his hand to her lips again. "Please wake up."

Anne placed her hand gently on Amanda's shoulder. Amanda put JC's hand back at his side, covering it up as best as possible with the blanket as Anne pulled the chair away from his bed. Anne wheeled the chair back to Amanda's room as Amanda sat in silence trying to completely comprehend JC's medical state.

When they got to her room, Anne helped Amanda back into the bed. The older woman gave her a brief hug before leaving. Amanda turned on the TV, trying to concentrate, but soon the pain medication she had been given made it hard to keep her eyes open. She closed her eyes and quickly succumbed to sleep.

* * * * *

"AHHHH," Amanda yelled as someone harshly shook her left leg. She sat up in bed and glared at her feet. "Stop that," she spat angrily as she swatted at the hand on her ankle.

"Sorry, did that hurt," an elfish voice asked.

"No you moron, I scream bloody murder when someone shakes my ankle for the fun of it. Can't you see it's propped up," she said as she motioned to the pillows under her knee. "That usually indicates an injury," she said as she rearranged the pillows to try and soothe the now throbbing joint. She took a breath when she was done and looked up to the person who had woken her up so harshly. She cringed and covered her face with her hands. "I'm sorry," she finally said.

"No, I'm sorry. The nurses said your right leg was the one that was injured, it says it on the board," he said as he pointed to the white board on the far end of the room. "I really didn't mean to hurt you," he said apologetically as he stepped towards the head of the bed.

"And I'm sorry I yelled at you. It's been…" Amanda's voice trailed off as she tried to find the right words.

"…one of those days," Chris finished for her.

"Yeah," Amanda said as she held out her right hand. "I'm Amanda."

"Chris," Chris said as he took her hand firmly. They both gave a half chuckle sigh and shook their heads. Chris pulled up one of the chairs in the room and sat down.

"Where's Tyler," Amanda said as she looked around the room.

"He's up with JC right now. He's never met you and felt awkward coming down to see you," Chris explained.

"Not that you and I have met either," Amanda pointed out.

"Oh, but we have my dear," he replied. Amanda looked at him with confused eyes. "No the drugs haven't had that strong an effect, yet. The party."

Amanda nodded in remembrance. "'Nuff said," she replied as she tried to forget the image of JC kissing another woman. She laid back in the bed and sighed deeply. "Have his parents arrived yet?"

"No, they're still at O’Hare. Tyler said they've got seats on a flight in an hour."

"Justin and Gentian?"

"Sitting on a Lear Jet at LAX waiting for the first break in the rain to take off."

"Joey?"

"Here tomorrow. He had to do tonight's show and will be leaving early morning."

"Lance?"

"We finally got word to him an hour ago and he's talking with the flight operations officer to see how much time he can get off, if any. He wants to be here…"

"…but doesn't want to jeopardize his chance at going into space and throw out all the hard work he's gone through…"

"…And is feeling like a heel for even debating the decision."

"Sounds exactly like Lance," she said with a small smile. "If it helps anything, let him know JC couldn't stop talking about the space trip and kept saying how proud he is of Lance for following his dream."

"Sounds like JC, always being supportive of our personal endeavors."

"Ooo, big word from such a small person," Amanda replied with a smile.

"Hey now," Chris replied.

"Hey now nothing, my leg is just now feeling better…"

"Fine," Chris started to say but was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Come in," Amanda called out.

"Amanda," a young gentleman said as he entered the room.

"Yes," she replied as a spark of recognition ignited in her memory. "Tyler, right," she asked as the young man walked to her.

"Yes," he answered as Amanda stretched out her right arm. He ignored the outstretched hand and wrapped his arms around her as best as he could. She leaned forward and put her arms around him. "Thank you," he said finally as he pulled away. There were tears streaming down his face. "The nurses said you saved his life."

"I just did what anyone would have done in the same case," she said. She really didn't know how to answer to Tyler's display of raw emotions.

"No, you didn't. Chris over there would have fainted or something," Tyler replied weakly as more tears started to fall. Amanda reached out to him and gave him another hug. Chris quickly joined in. The younger man's sobs soon dimmed and he pulled away and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Any change," Amanda finally asked.

"None," Tyler replied softly.

"Have you seen him yet," Chris asked Amanda.

"Yeah, about seven or so. What time is it?"

"Almost ten," Tyler replied as he looked at his watch.

A wave of panic swept over Amanda. "I've got to go see him. I promised I'd be back after an hour," she rambled as she tried to get out of the bed.

"Amanda, you need to stay in bed and rest," Chris replied sensibly.

"No," she replied with determination in her voice. "I need to go see him now." The tone of her voice told Chris not to question her. He quickly moved to her side to help her into the wheel chair.

As the three headed to JC's ICU ward, Amanda quickly recapped the accident. When they got to the ward, Tyler stayed in the waiting room while Chris pushed Amanda to JC's bed. Five feet from the bed, Chris drew a sharp breath.

"I uh, I've got to go," he stammered and turned quickly on his heels and left the area. She knew it would be hard for the rest of the guys to see JC in his current state. They were used to seeing him bright and vibrant and bouncing and singing and dancing around on stage.

She wheeled herself closer to the bed, the painkillers she was on taking care of any discomfort in her shoulder. She reached out and took JC's hand and rubbed her thumb lightly over the back of his.

"Hey babe, it's me. I'm sorry I didn't come back when I said I would, the painkillers they gave me sorta knocked me out for a bit. Tyler came to visit you, but you know that. And your parents and sister are on their way down. They'll be here later tonight. And Chris is here. But he took one look at you and had to leave. The wimp," she said with a laugh, trying to lift her spirits. "Joey will be here as soon as he can as will Justin and Gentian. Lance," she paused. "Lance is feeling guilty right now that he can't drop everything and rush down here. So you've got to wake up and let him know it's ok to stay in Russia." She thought for a moment. "Jive put out a press release about the accident, just saying that you were in an accident and you were getting treatment. They don't want to let on how badly yet. So that's another reason you've got to wake up. You don't want all those teenagers converging on your hospital bed now do we," she asked with a fake smile. "And I want you to wake up. I want to see your blue eyes, your smile, hear your laugh, feel your arms around me, to kiss me." She gently placed a kiss on his hand. "I've got to go, Nurse Ratchett over there is giving me the evil eye. I'll be back as soon as I can. I love you," she said before kissing his hand again.

Tyler came to wheel her out of the ICU ward. As soon as she was in the waiting room, she let the tears flow silently. Chris took her hand and the three young people sat in silence. A few minutes later, Tyler went to see his brother again. Several minutes after he returned, Chris also went to see his friend. He only stayed a few minutes, just long enough to let JC know he was there, and vowed to stay longer next time.

For the next several hours, they took turns seeing their friend. Ten-minute visitation followed by a ten-minute "rest" period when the nurses checked up on him. Amanda refused to go back to her room, even when the nurses from her floor came looking for her. They wanted to check her vitals so Amanda held out her arm and told them to "go for it". She didn't see any reason continuously be wheeled back and forth between her room and the ICU when she could just sit in the waiting room. She could fidget anywhere.

"Tyler," Amanda heard someone ask around five the next morning. Amanda leaned over in her chair and poked Tyler, who was lying on the couch next to her, in the ribs.

"Hey buddy, someone's asking for you," she said through a yawn. Tyler sat up with a shot and looked towards the doorway of the waiting room.

"Mom," he called out as he sat up and crossed the room in two giant steps and embraced his mother. A man and a young lady quickly joined in the hug. Amanda guessed they were JC's father and sister. When they broke, there were tears on everyone's faces. Mrs. Chasez walked to Chris and gave him a hug. They talked for a few moments and then Chris stood up and took Mrs. Chasez's hand and walked over to Amanda. Mrs. Chasez motioned for the rest of her family to join her.

"This is Amanda, she was the one driving," Chris said as they approached Amanda. "And the one that saved his life."

Before Amanda could respond, Mrs. Chasez leaned over and gave her a hug. "Thank you for saving my boy," she whispered into Amanda's ear.

"I, um…," Amanda was at a loss for words. But as she looked up at Mrs. Chasez and saw the adoration in her eyes, she knew what to say. "You're welcome, Mrs. Chasez," she replied quietly.

"Call me Karen," JC's mother requested as she motioned her husband and daughter closer. "This is Roy and Heather," Karen said, introducing the rest of the Chasez family to Amanda.

"Nice to meet you," Amanda replied politely as the two leaned over and hugged her as well.

"Amanda," a nurse called from the doorway. Roy and Heather broke the hug so Amanda could see who was calling her. "It's your turn," the nurse continued as she held the door to the ICU open.

"Um, you guys go, he needs you," Amanda said as she motioned the Chasez's to the waiting nurse. The four all headed towards the doorway.

When the door closed, Chris put his hand on Amanda's shoulder. "You didn't have to do that," he said as she covered his hand with hers.

"Yes I did. I've only been apart of his life for a couple months, they're his family. If he's going to respond to anyone, it's him," she said as she wiped a tear away angrily. "I am so tired of crying. It's not going to do anything." Chris wrapped his arms around her shoulders and gave her a quick squeeze.

"It'll be ok," he said softly in her ear. She leaned her head against his and let the tears flow.

"I'm so scared," she said a few minutes later as she wiped her nose with a Kleenex.

"We all are," Chris said as he sat in the chair next to her and reached for her hand.

They sat in silence till JC's family came back. "Any change," Amanda asked hopefully. Tyler just shook his head.

The door to the waiting room opened and a nurse appeared with an odd look on her face. "Amanda," she asked softly.

"Um, yeah," she replied softly, squeezing Chris' hand.

"Would you come with me for a minute?"

"Um, sure," Amanda answered a she let go of Chris hand and wheeled herself to the door.

As they were walking down the hallway, the nurse explained the situation. "JC's doctor was noticing a pattern in JC's vitals from last night. There were times they were 'peaking' meaning he was in an agitated state. Other times there were 'valleys' meaning he was calm, resting. He noticed the peaks immediately followed the valleys and lasted several minutes, returning to semi-normal after a few minutes. We noticed this was happening every hour, the valley being when you were with him, the peaks being right after you left."

"Ok," Amanda nodded her head in understanding.

"We're going to do a test, if you don't object, to see if this is really the case. All you have to do is just sit with him for about fifteen minutes and then leave. Act like you have over the course of the night."

"Ok, and if this theory is proven true, then what?"

"Well, it's a good sign that he's not slipping into a coma because he's aware of his surroundings," the nurse answered with a smile.

"Ok, let's do this," Amanda replied with a weak smile as the nurse wheeled her into the ICU and over to JC's bed.

Amanda picked up his hand as the nurse left to watch his monitors at the nurses' station.

"Hey babe," she said as she raised his hand to her lips and gave it a soft kiss. "Your parents are here. They seem really nice. Wait, scratch that, they must be really nice because you and your brother and sister have turned out great." She smiled and shook her head. "Justin and Gen will be here in a few hours. They were finally able to leave LA around two-thirty. Estimated arrival time, around ten. Joey will be here around noon." She sighed. "Lance may be coming home after all. The news is reporting difficulty with financing the trip or something like that and there are rumors the Russians are going to kick him out. He'll know more in a day or two. Jive's keeping the media at bay. No one knows you're here, yet." She said with a small laugh knowing it would only be a matter of time before his whereabouts would be known by the media. She would actually be surprised if a few fans didn't find out before the media. It seemed the fans were always one step ahead of everyone, including the guys it seemed sometimes. "The docs are releasing me tomorrow. I guess I'll be getting a hotel or something. The highway patrol brought all our stuff late last night. They've pretty much told me that my car's probably totaled." Amanda noticed the nurse motion to her time was almost up. "When I come back, I'll bring your MP3 player, if it still works, so you won't have to listen to all the machines around you." She brought his hand to her lips again. "I love you," she said as she put his hand back on the bed and brushed a few chunks of hair off his forehead. Using the bed rail for support, she stood up and leaned over. "Please wake up soon," she said softly and then gently kissed his forehead. "We miss you."

Amanda sat back down in her wheelchair and moved towards the door. The nurse from before met her before she exited the ICU. "It looks like our theory is correct," the nurse said with a smile. "The doctor will come out and explain more in a bit," she finished as she put a hand on Amanda's shoulder.

Over the course of the next thirty-six hours, Amanda stayed by JC's bedside. The doctor had requested she spend as much time with him as she possibly could. He also lifted all restrictions for visitors, allowing JC's family and friends to come and go as they wished.

After the first twenty-four hours, the nurses were noticing a difference in JC's condition. Throughout the next twelve hours, the doctors started to wean JC off oxygen. He was able to keep is oxygen saturation levels near normal at room air, but he still wasn't breathing on his own, yet.

Amanda stayed by his side nearly the whole time, only leaving to go eat something or to take a shower at the hotel. As she sat with JC, she talked to him. True to her word, she also brought him his MP3 player. Throughout the day, she kept changing the play list. Between their two computers, they had what seemed to be the entire radio catalog for the past three years on their hard drives. She picked songs she liked, ones he liked, fast ones, slow ones, even threw in a couple Christmas songs for the heck of it.

All four of the other guys were having a difficult time with JC's current condition. Justin and Gen had arrived from LA late morning on Tuesday, the accident had occurred on Monday. Joey got there a couple hours later. Lance decided his friend was more important than space and had flown in from Russia, arriving late afternoon on Wednesday. Lance seemed to be handing the situation better than the other three, but not by much. He and Amanda had sat with JC for a couple hours that afternoon after Lance had arrived. They talked to both JC and each other, or sat in silence holding his hands. When Lance nearly fell asleep in mid-sentence, Amanda told him to go to the hotel. He protested at first but quickly agreed when he about fell asleep while arguing his point he wasn't tired.

Joey was having the worst time with the situation. He'd only been able to stay with his friend for a couple of minutes the two or three times he'd visited already. Justin and Chris were hard to read. The former hiding his feelings behind his smug, tough guy persona and the latter kept cracking jokes the whole time. Gentian had yet to bring herself to see JC. She was deathly afraid of needles and hospital equipment. It was all she could do to stay in the waiting room supporting the other guys.

Amanda couldn't tell exactly how the rest of the Chasez family was doing. Karen was spending nearly as much time with her son as Amanda. The two women had been able to have two or three good talks about the future of the young couple. Amanda had been surprised by her conversations with Karen for the sheer fact she barely knew the woman, but yet had been able to talk with her more comfortably than anyone else in the world, even JC.

Karen yawned as she stood up, "I think I'm going to go eat," she said as she gathered her purse. "Any use in trying to talk you into coming?"

Amanda smiled at her concern, "Absolutely not," she replied with a yawn. "I ate when the doctors were examining him," she continued as she settled back in her chair next to JC's bed and took hold of his hand. "Besides, I think I'm going to take a catnap," she said through another yawn.

"Young lady, don't go wearing yourself out on his account," Karen warned.

Amanda again smiled at her concern. "I'm not, he's improving, I'll sleep after he wakes up," she said pointedly. Karen put her hands up to show she wasn't going to press the issue further. She had learned through her talks that once Amanda put her mind to something, there was no stopping her.

As Karen talked with JC's nurse at her station, Amanda stretched and pulled the blanket up on her shoulders. She laid her head back and closed her eyes. Five minutes later, despite being overly tired, she was still awake and very uncomfortable. She let go of JC's hand and stood up, careful not to put much weight on her left leg. As she stretched her hands over her head, she paused and looked intently at JC's face. Did you just move your eyes, she thought. When JC didn't do anything after she stared at him for a few minutes, Amanda sat back down, never really breaking her gaze on JC's face. She tried settling back in the chair and immediately knew it was not going to work. She let out a heavy sigh and leaned her elbows on JC's bed, taking his right hand in her hands.

"Ya know JC, you've got to wake up soon. I know you love to sleep and hate waking up, but this time, I know you won't regret it. Besides, I'm getting bored and my butt's falling asleep because I'm sitting on it so much right now," she said with a half smile. She raised his hand to her lips and gave it a kiss. "Please wake up soon, I miss you." She wiped a single tear from her eye and sighed.

She let go of his hand with her right hand and rested her arm on the bed and laid her head on her arm. She kept JC's hand in her left and rested them close by. She was comfortable in this position. She didn't know why, maybe it was as close to JC as she could be with out being in bed with him. She smiled at the thought. She remembered how safe she felt sleeping in his embrace. His strong arms holding her as close as possible as they slept. She remembered how softly he touched her. How easily he brushed his hands down her hair. How gently he caressed her cheek and lips with his fingertips. She smiled at the memory, so strong she nearly felt his hands on her face. She sighed. She wrinkled her nose. It hurt, like someone had hit it. She reached with her left hand and rubbed it and then settled back into her memory. There it was again, something hurting the tip of her nose. She lifted her and looked around and suddenly caught JC's clear blue eyes looking at her.

"JC, you're awake," she practically screamed. He nodded weakly just as a nurse rushed to side and started to take vitals. She and Amanda both had to keep JC from reaching for the tube in his throat.

The doctor soon arrived. He started assessing JC's neurological functions. His coordination, while shaky a bit, appeared to be intact. The doctor produced a writing tablet to test his long-term memory. JC knew his name, birth date, the year and the president. The doctor then tested his short-term memory. He asked JC one simple question. "Who is that," he asked as he pointed to Amanda.

Amanda could swear JC smiled if she hadn't known he could barely move his mouth because of the tape holding his breathing tube in place. He wrote something on the tablet and handed it to the doctor. Dr. Peterson furrowed his brow as he read what JC wrote.

"What did he write," Amanda asked softly. The doctor held the tablet up for her to read. She smiled brightly through the tears that started to flow as she read what JC had written: "Mandy". The doctor furrowed his brow again at Amanda's reaction. "He's going to be alright," she said softly and smiled at JC. She could tell by the look in his eyes that he knew she understood what he had written.

The doctor looked at her in confusion, as did the nurse. "The last thing we were talking about before the accident was nicknames. I hate the name Mandy," she said and continued softly, "I hate Mandy." She kissed his hand and smiled at him.

"Ok JC, I want you to take and deep breath in and then blow out really hard," the doctor instructed as he pulled out the breathing tube. It had been only an hour since JC woke up and during that time he had shown signs of being able to breath on his own. JC coughed weakly as the tube was pulled out. Amanda held a cup of water to him and he took a small sip from the bent straw. "Now, your throat may be sore the next couple days and you'll probably sound like you have laryngitis, but there should be no other side effects."

"I'll still be able to sing," JC asked, his raspy voice filled with concern.

"All studies have shown that the majority of people report any residual side effects subsiding after ten to fourteen days. So yes, in two weeks, at the most, I suspect you'll be back to singing at full force," the doctor said as he watched JC's oxygen saturation levels for any signs his lungs were not oxygenating his blood fully. "Everything is looking good. We're going to keep you here in ICU for the night and move you to a private room in the morning."

"When will I be released," JC asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Day after tomorrow or next." JC let out a small but audible groan. "Don't worry, the way your fiancee has been talking care of you, the time will fly." Dr. Peterson was making notes on JC's chart and didn't notice the confused look he threw Amanda.

"I'll explain later," she mouthed as Dr. Peterson finished his notes and then left.

"Amanda," JC started to question just as his family gathered around his bed.

"Josh, don't scare us like that," Karen said as she bent over and kissed her son's cheek. Heather and Tyler rapidly fired several questions at their older brother while Roy stood aside and watched the scene, obvious happiness showing on his face at having his family together and well.

Amanda let go of JC's hand as she stood up and grabbed her crutches. "Where are you going," JC asked. She could see the disappointment and confusion in his eyes.

"I'm going to let you have some alone time with your family. They've been through a lot to be here. I mean Tyler had to ride in a car all the way down here with Chris… driving," she joked with a smile. "Besides, my butt hurts and I need a shower and a good night's sleep, so I'll be back tomorrow," she finished as she leaned over and gave him a quick kiss.

"I love you," JC said softly, confusion still evident in his eyes.

"I love you too," she replied with another quick kiss. "I'll see you tomorrow," she said as she turned and hobbled away.

Karen caught up with her quickly. "You don't have to leave on account of us, you're family now, too."

"Thanks, but you've been his family longer and deserve more time with him alone." Karen started to protest. "Besides, didn't I just promise you a couple hours ago that I'd sleep when he woke up?" Karen nodded. "Well, I was raised to never break a promise." Karen smiled. "Now, I've got to go before Lance gets the good bed," Amanda finished with a smile.

Karen reached out and gave the young woman a hug. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Amanda made a brief stop in the waiting room on the way out. She gave everyone an update on JC's condition. "And y'all are welcome to see him after his family."

"Do you need a ride," Chris asked.

"From you Keebler? Not a chance," she replied with a smile and yawn. "Todd should be around here somewhere, I'll just get him to drive me so you don't miss any time with JC. I have a feeling they're gong to re-impose those visitors' hours in short order now that he's awake." As she said "awake", an uncontrollable grin spread across her mouth. The group of friends smiled along with her.

Amanda left five minutes later when Todd came into the waiting room.

It was a quick drive to the hotel and Todd walked her to her room, just as a precaution in case any of the media staking out the hotel figured out her identity. As she entered her room, she couldn't help but smile. From the light from the hallway, she could see Lance lying diagonally across the far bed, still completely dressed, including shoes, sound asleep and snoring lightly.

"Do you want me to wake him," Todd asked as she surveyed the sight.

"Nah, I'll try to wake him enough to let him know about JC and maybe to get his shoes off. But I'll be surprised if that even happens," she replied. "Can you close the door once I get the bathroom light on?" Todd nodded and did as asked when Amanda got to the bathroom.

Much as she tired over the next minute or two, Amanda could not rouse Lance and settled for getting his shoes off. She took the extra blanket out of the closet and laid it over him. Grabbing her bedclothes, Amanda slipped into the bathroom and took a long hot bath. When she crawled into bed a half-hour later, it was only moments before she fell into a deep restful sleep.

Amanda woke at six o'clock the next morning. She rolled over and looked at the other bed. Lance was practically in the same position as the night before. Rolling back into a more comfortable position for her knee, Amanda attempted to go back to sleep. Half an hour later, still wide awake, she decided to make an early morning of it. She quickly showered and changed into a black Adidas warm-up suit with a lavender tank top, pulled her wet hair into a clip and applied a light application of blush and lip gloss. She had a doctor's appointment that afternoon and they had told her she might be sent to physical therapy.

Todd knocked on her door a few minutes later. She picked up her backpack and put it on, grabbed her left sneaker and her crutches and hobbled to the door. When she opened the door she looked pitifully at the large man on the other side. "Help," she said with a pout and held out the sneaker. The man chuckled lightly and bent down to help Amanda into her shoe.

Patting her foot after he double knotted the laces, he stood up, "You know, that's not exactly in my job description," he said playfully.

"I know, but someone told me about your foot fetish…," she replied with a wink.

Todd feigned anger, "Which one was it? Fro-boy or Chuckles?"

"Neither, Keebler," she answered with a smile.

"Is he still asleep," Todd asked pointing back towards the room.

"Yeah, Space Cadet is still out like a light. I tried to wake him, but didn't work so I left a note."

Todd paused. "What's your nickname for JC," he asked as they headed out to the waiting SUV.

"Well," Amanda thought. "Up until last night, it was Coma Boy," she answered with a straight face as Todd helped her into the back seat of the SUV. Todd looked at her as if she had gone mad and a smile quickly erupted on her face. "Let's make a run for breakfast on our way, shall we?"

"You're the boss."

* * * * *

"How did he do last night," Amanda asked JC's nurse as she entered the ICU.

"All in all, fine, just didn't sleep well because of everyone else's machines." Amanda nodded. She looked over to his cubical and looked panicked. "They just moved him to his private room. He's in 5163 and should just about be ready to have breakfast."

"Any dietary restrictions?"

"None."

"Good," Amanda said as she turned towards the door, and stopped suddenly. "I almost forgot. There is breakfast in the lounge for everyone, coffee and muffins from Starbucks, Krispy Kreme Donuts, and Einstein Brother's Bagels with an assortment of toppings. I didn't know what everyone liked so I got almost everything," she said as she took Susan's hand. "Thank you for taking care of him," she finished and turned back towards the doors before Susan could say anything.

Amanda and Todd made their way to the east wing of the fifth floor. She found his room and knocked gently. JC opened his eyes when she entered his room. "Hi," he said with a smile. While still raspy, Amanda could hear a definite improvement in his voice. She smiled at how well he looked. Most of his color had returned and his eyes were brighter than the day before. They had also removed his NG tube but his central line and heart monitor leads were still in place.

"Hi," she said as she leaned over and gave him a kiss. "This place is pretty snazzy," she commented as she waved a hand around the room. It looked more like the presidential suite at a hotel than a hospital room. The décor was very warm and inviting with rich colors, hardwood floors and plush furniture. The bed was larger than a normal hospital bed and swathed in high-quality cotton sheets and matching duvet cover. "I brought you something," she said as Todd handed her a beverage tray from Starbucks and left the room.

"I smell coffee," he said with a smile.

"Yeah, a Mocha Valencia Frappuccino, especially made for you because I'm sure hot coffee won't do your throat any good," she said as she handed over his cup. He took a sip and a look of sheer delight washed over his face.

"This is so good, thank you," he said as he took her hand. "What did you get," he asked as he watched her take a sip from another cup. He knew she didn't like coffee.

"I'm not being adventurous today, a Coke," she answered as she let go of his hand and pulled a chair closer to the bed and sat down.

They sat in silence for several minutes. Finally, JC spoke. "What did the doctor mean when he said 'your fiancee' last night?"

Amanda blushed, "Oh, that," she said before taking another sip of her drink. "Remember While You Were Sleeping with Sandra Bullock and Bill Pullman?" JC nodded. "Well, remember how they wouldn't give out any info on Peter Gallagher's character unless it was family and Sandra's character said she was his fiancee? Hi, I'm Sandra. It's nice to meet you Peter," she said with a laugh as she held out her hand. JC playfully shook her hand.

"Nice to meet you too, Sandra." He paused to take a sip of his drink. "So it doesn't mean you've accepted my proposal…" He looked sad as he said the sentence.

"Now I didn't say that."

"So you will marry me."

"Not exactly that either."

"Ok, now I’m really confused."

"Let's just say that when the time is right and after you've met my parents, I probably will accept your unique, romantic and surprising proposal."

"Man speak, please."

Amanda sighed. "Ok dimwit, yes I want to marry you, and yes I will accept your proposal, but I refuse to accept a past proposal lightly in a hospital room by someone who has yet to meet my parents, much less asked my father for my hand in marriage."

"Ok, that's all I wanted to hear," JC replied with a smile.

Amanda sighed in aggravation and then smiled, "Man, you can be so aggravating."

"Yeah, but you know you love me," he said as he scooted over to one side of his bed patted the extra room.

"Is that such a good idea, I don't want to tire you out or anything," Amanda said with concern.

"It's not like we're going to do anything strenuous, I just want to be close to you," he replied with a pout.

Amanda thought for a moment, she did want to be close to him too. "Alright, but if the nurse gets upset, I'm blaming it all on you," she said with a grin as she hopped over to the bed and sat down.

"Deal," he said as she settled next to him.

"Now what," she said with a yawn.

"Sounds like nap time for you," he replied with a yawn as well.

"It's only like eight in the morning, we can't take a nap."

"Oh yes we can," JC responded as he lowered the head of the bed and put an arm around her shoulder pulling her closer. Amanda gave no resistance and rested her head at the base of his shoulder.

She sighed softly. "I've missed this," she said quietly.

"I have too," he replied equally quiet.

* * * * *

Amanda stretched and took a deep breath. She unwrapped JC's arm from her shoulder and sat up. "Good morning sweetheart," a voice to her right said sweetly.

Startled, Amanda let out a small yelp. "Keebler, don't do that to me," she said angrily. The room erupted in laughter. Amanda looked around, the whole gang was there, all smiling at her and JC. She covered her face in embarrassment. "How long have y'all been here," she asked quietly.

"Oh, several hours now. You and JC looked so comfortable we didn't have the heart to wake you up," Karen replied.

"Even if there was drooling involved," Joey added.

Amanda looked at JC and sure enough, there was a small damp spot on his hospital top. She covered her face again. "I think I'll go jump off a bridge now. Please excuse me," she replied.

"You can't be bungee jumping with your knee," a sleepy JC responded.

"Ooo, sleeping beauty awakens," Justin said.

"I wouldn't call him a beauty," Chris replied.

"Hey, now, don't talk about my man that way," Amanda replied defensively. The whole room laughed. "Ok, make that an extra high bridge…"

"What time is it," JC asked as he put the head of the bed up.

"About half past noon," Roy replied as he looked at his watch.

"Wow, we slept a long time," JC commented.

"Well, you are still recovering, and missy over there barely slept in forty-eight hours, so it's to be expected," Karen pointed out.

"Yeah, well, I hate to cut this short, but I have a doctor's appointment in thirty minutes that's on the other side of the hospital, so I need to skedaddle if I'm going to make it in time," Amanda said as she climbed out of the bed.

"Do you have to," JC whined.

"Yes, I do. We've gotten you all fixed, now it's time to get me fixed."

"But if you two get fixed, how will you ever have any children," Chris said innocently. The whole room looked at him. "I'm just saying…" The room groaned and looked away.

"Well, with that, I'm outie…"

"I thought you were an innie," JC pondered.

"Yeah, and they feel you need more observation why? Oh yea, that's right, you're taking on Chris' personality."

"And that's such a bad thing why," Chris asked.

"Like the world needs two of you, Keebler. The world's got enough problems and more of you would cause it to self-destruct or something."

"Are you saying all the world's problems are because of me?"

Amanda put her finger to the side of her face and thought. "Yep," she quickly said.

Chris pointed his finger at her, "Mom," he looked at Karen, "Did you hear what she said, make her be nice."

"Well, now that she mentions is," Karen started, "I can see her point."

"Haha, my boyfriend's mom sided with me and not you," said in a sing-song voice and stuck out her tongue.

"Did you see that," Chris cried incredulously.

Half the room responded by looking away or whistling while the other responded in by saying something along the ways of "see what?".

Amanda chuckled lightly. "Face it Keebler, you're no longer the center of attention."

"But," Chris fumed. "Hey JC."

"Yes?"

"Stop breathing so I can give you mouth to mouth."

"Eww, mouth to mouth from you? Not a chance!"

"Hey, it could be worse, it could be Joey," Chris and Amanda said at the same time. They got a surprised look on their faces and both cried "Jinx," at the same time.

"I called it first," they both said.

"No you didn't, I did."

"Stop copying me," they both cried out as the whole room erupted into laughter.

"And that light moment was brought to you by the Chris and Amanda show," Chris said.

"No, the Amanda and Chris show."

"Hey, you're on Jinx, you can't talk," Chris pointed out.

"Well the way I see it, we're both on Jinx since we both said it at the same time."

"Did not."

"So you agree I said it first, good, I win, be quiet," she said triumphantly.

"But you said my name, that lifts Jinx, not to mention, I said it first."

"Well, even if you did say it first, you also said my name, so I can speak now too," she pointed out coolly.

"But, wait, that's not how it's supposed to work."

"But nothing, that's the way the cookie crumbles."

"Cookies? Who's got cookies," Joey said from across the room. Amanda and Chris turned in his direction. "Finally, they stopped talking. Can you imagine the headache we're going to have when she comes on tour with us?" Justin, JC and Lance pondered the thought.

"You mean y'all don't already have a perpetual headache with his incessant babbling?"

The five band members looked at each other and then to her with a "huh" look.

Amanda sighed. "You mean y'all don't already have a constant headache with Chris' continuous jibber jabbering?" The room got noticeably brighter as the light bulb of understanding came on above all five members' heads. "Ok…"

"Hey, just because you went to college doesn't mean you can use those big words on us," Joey exclaimed.

"Hey, I went to college," Chris said defensively.

"Yeah, you went to a community college and got an associates degree in psychology. She went to an actual university and got a bachelor's. That's way harder," Justin pointed out.

"What's your degree in," Chris asked.

Amanda blushed. "Parks and Recreation," she said quietly.

"See, that's not much better than Psychology."

"But," Amanda interrupted, "I did change my major from Chemistry, a much harder discipline than psychology."

"Then you must have quit because it was too hard if you changed to such a puff degree as Parks and Rec," countered Chris.

"If I was having such a hard time, then I wouldn't have had a three-point-five gpa, now would I…"

"Well… Well…," Chris stammered.

"Wow, she did it, she actually made Chris speechless. All hale Queen Amanda," Justin said as he bowed in Amanda's direction.

Amanda feigned shock and tears. "I'm so honored, first I'd like to thank the academy…" she said before a smile broke. Looking at her watch she said, "Now I'm going to be late if I don't get going. See y'all later," she said with a smile and a wave to the room. They waved back.

"I like her," Chris said after he knew she was out of hearing distance.

"I do too," JC replied with a small smile. Then he remembered, "When are they getting here," he asked as he looked at his mom.

Karen looked at her watch. "Probably in the next two hours," she replied. JC nodded.

* * * * *

"Well, Amanda, do you want the good news or the bad news," Dr. Packland said as he entered the examining room. It had been three hours since her appointment began and she had been put through a full battery of tests, including a complete x-ray work-up and an MRI.

"I guess the bad news," she answered pensively.

"Well, you've got a long road of recovery ahead of you. For the next two weeks, unless you're in physical therapy, which will be four times a week, you are to stay off your leg completely. After that, as your doctor and your physical therapist decide, you will slowly start putting more and more weight on it for longer periods of time."

"Ok, if that's the bad news, what's the good news?"

"All indications by the tests show that it's only a partial tear, therefore, as long as you continue to show improvement week to week, you will not have to have surgery."

Amanda sighed. "That is good news. How long do you think the recovery will be?"

"With an injury as severe as yours, I would estimate three months at the earliest. I've seen it take as long as six and as short as two. It all depends on each individual body and will power. Now, here's the name of the best group of physical therapists in Orlando, as well as the best orthopedist, besides myself of course, up there as well. They work with the Orlando Magic and the sports program at UCF. You'll be in good hands," the physician said as he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Thank you," Amanda replied as she gathered up her belongings and hobbled out the door.

* * * * *

She hobbled down the hall with a smile on her face. It was going to be a long road, but she was going to be ok. "Hey all, I'm finally back," she said as she entered the room, and stopped. "What are you doing here," she cried out with a grin.

"We came to see how you and JC were doing," Amanda's mom said a she crossed the room and wrapped her arms around her only daughter.

"Why didn't you tell is you had been in an accident? We had to hear it from your cousin who read it of the Internet."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to worry y'all or anything, but I've kinda been worried about JC," she said as she hugged her father.

"Well, next accident, even if it's just a scratch, I want to hear about it. Understand young lady," her father warned with a stern voice.

"Yes sir," she said sheepishly as she caught out of the corner of her eye Chris with a mischievous grin doing the "shame on you" fingers. "Have y'all been here long," she said as she made her way to the couch to the spot Lance had just vacated.

"Just a couple hours," her dad said.

"Sorry about that," Amanda began as she explained everything that Dr. Packland had done to her that afternoon and the diagnosis.

"You and that knee," her mom said as she shook her head.

"Yep, it's my curse," Amanda replied as she quickly explained to the room that she had injured it her senior year of high school on a skiing trip and had to have surgery to correct the problem.

"Are you going to be able to go to the VMA's in two weeks," JC asked.

"I don't know, depends on work. If they can find me a sit down job in another department, then probably not, however things are slow for the next couple months, so I may go on short-term disability till I'm fully recovered," she replied reasonably. "I'll know more once we get back and I take a meeting with my managers." She stopped for a second. "Where's my manners. Mom, Dad, have you been introduced to everyone yet?"

Her parents nodded. "Chris has been keeping well entertained," her father replied.

"I'll take you out to dinner to make up for that," Amanda apologized. The group laughed.

Two hours later after many stories and exchanges between Amanda and Chris, the group decided to let JC get some well-deserved rest and headed out to dinner.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay," Amanda asked JC as the group started to leave.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I'm not going to do anything but sleep probably. You go spend time with your parents," he said sincerely.

"I don't have to if you want me here."

"Amanda, you don't have to hover, I'm fine now. Nothing's going to happen. Now get, the rest are gone and you're the slowest of the bunch," he replied with a grin.

"You're awful," she responded as she leaned down and gave him a light kiss.

"I know. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Absolutely," she said as she turned and headed to the door. As she was walking down the hallway, her father was headed back to JC's room. "Dad, the elevators are the other way," Amanda pointed out.

"I know, I forgot something in the room. I'll be down in a minute," he replied with a smile.

"Yeah, that wasn't weird at all," she said to herself as she entered the elevator.

"JC," Amanda's father asked as he entered the room.

"Yes, sir," JC replied as he sat up straighter in the bed.

"What are your intentions towards my daughter, son?"

"Completely honorable sir. I love her and I want to marry her, with your permission of course."

"Can you support her? And I don't just mean financially."

"Yes sir, I can. I have nothing up the up most respect for her and how she was raised. I want to be with her, support her, help her make her wishes and dreams come true. I want to have kids with her, to grow old. I want to learn from her and to be continually amazed by everything she does."

"Marriage is tough, especially now a days and with the career you've chosen for yourself."

"Yes, sir. I know that, sir. But I'm willing to put the work into it to make it successful. It will be tough, but I know we can do it."

Amanda's father thought for a moment. "Well the JC, welcome to the family, because I can see the love my daughter has for you and I have a gut feeling that, even without my permission, y'all will marry. Ask her when the time is right, make it special, and if you ever break her heart, just remember I'll know where you live and I have a shotgun," he finished with a smile.

"Thank you sir," JC said with a grin and reached for the older man's hand.

"And, son," the older gentleman said as he shook JC's hand.

"Yes, sir."

"You can call me John," the father requested.

"Yes, sir… I mean, John."

* * * * *

Amanda arrived again early the next morning. JC was still sleeping. It appeared they had taken out the central line and was no longer on the heart monitor leads either. She pulled a chair quietly next to the bed and rested her hands and head on the bed. She watched him sleep and smiled as she did.

JC stirred a few minutes later. He smiled when he saw Amanda. "Hey," he said as he reached for one of her hands. "You've been here long," he asked with a half yawn.

She smiled. "No, just like five minutes," she said quietly. "You're looking better."

"I'm feeling better. I got a shower last night," he replied as he raised the head of the bed in a sitting position.

"I noticed," she replied with a grin.

"Hey now, are you saying I smelled bad?"

"If the shoe fits…," she trailed off with a shrug.

"Well fine then," he said with hurt, "I won't ask you what I was going to ask you then."

"What were you going to ask?"

"Nope, not going to say."

"Please?" JC shook his head. "Pweaty pwease," she asked with a pout. JC again shook his head. "With sugar on top?"

"Nope."

"And a cherry," she asked as she batter her lashes flirtatiously and stuck out her bottom lip.

JC groaned. "Fine," he said reluctantly. Amanda smiled. "More of a suggestion than anything…" Amanda waited. "Well, seeing as how you're going to have trouble with stairs the next few weeks and you live on the third floor." Amanda nodded. "I was thinking you could maybe move in with me," he suggested.

Amanda showed no reaction. "I don't think that's such a good idea," she said finally.

"Why not," JC asked with true hurt in his voice.

"Because I don't know if I can trust myself with you," she said sincerely.

"Ok," he replied quietly. The couple sat in silence. "What about if we traded. I'll take your apartment."

"JC, I can't kick you out of your house. And I can deal with the stairs. And in a few weeks, it'll be good physical therapy," she answered.

JC thought for a moment. He smiled. "What about taking the guest house by the pool? It's small, just a bedroom and living room but it doesn't have a kitchen, just a wet bar for drinks and all?"

Amanda could see and hear the happiness over the idea in JC. She smiled. "Ok, just till I'm back on my feet," she conceded. She was going to worry about what she would say to her family later.

"Do you mean that?"

"Yes, I promise," she replied.

"Promise what," Amanda's mom asked as she entered the room.

"That I'll bring him back some frozen yogurt at lunch," Amanda lied as he mother leaned down and gave her a hug.

"And just how do you plan on doing that, you need both hands for your crutches," her mother asked sternly as she placed her hands on her hips.

"Simple, Todd," Amanda replied.

"Amanda, that man is not your personal slave," the older lady chastised.

"Mrs. Parrish, it's ok. He doesn't mind and it helps break up his day," JC said referring to Todd sitting outside JC's room all day.

"His job is to protect you, not be at her beck and call. If she wants to do something for you, then she can do it herself," she replied as she looked straight at her daughter.

"Yes, ma'am," Amanda replied quietly as her eyes shifted to her hands in her lap.

"There, that's settled," her mother said as she moved over to the couch. As she sat down, she picked up the phone on the end table and dialed a long series of numbers. "Yes, thank you. I'd like to speak with the manager please." Amanda looked at JC in confusion. "Yes, Hello Ms. Melendez. Joyce Parrish, my daughter Amanda lives in one of your third floor apartments and has recently been involved in an accident that has left her unable to climb stairs… Yes, thank you, she is doing just fine. I'm calling to see what first floor units you have ready for immediate occupancy… Yes… Yes… Yes… That second one sounds perfect…" Amanda looked at JC in horror as they listened to her mother's end of the conversation. "Now, I think under the circumstances, those fees can be waived," she continued. Amanda stood up and hobbled over to her mother. "Yes, I understand why, however, this is not someone changing her mind on a unit, this is a need. My daughter physically can not climb two flights of steps…" Amanda poked her mother in her shoulder. Joyce held up one hand signaling Amanda to wait. "Yes… Yes…" Amanda poked again. Joyce turned and shot an evil glance at her daughter.

"Hang up," Amanda said sternly. Joyce shook her head and turned back to the phone conversation. Before she realized what she was doing, Amanda reached out and took the receiver from her mother's hands. "Ms. Melendez, please excuse my mother. I will not be needing a first floor apartment," she said politely and hung the phone up.

"Amanda Jean Parrish! What do you think you're doing," her mother said as she stood up from the couch. "That was extremely rude!"

Amanda didn't skip a beat. "Yeah, well what do you think arranging for me to move with out my consent is?"

"I call it looking out for my daughter."

"Mother, I'm nearly twenty-five, I'm living on my own, I can make my own decisions."

"You can not possibly live in that apartment; do you not know the limitations you're going to have?"

"I know perfectly well what I will and will not be able to do the next few weeks. As for where I'm going to live, I've taken care of that."

"So you're moving to another apartment," her mother said with a smug smile.

"No, I'm keeping my apartment and staying at JC’s house," Amanda fired back and immediately regretting the words that flew out of her mouth.

"Young lady, you will do no such thing," her mother roared.

"It is not up to you. I'm moving into his guest house and that is final."

"I will not have my daughter be taken advantage of by some celebrity who's slept with half the girls he's met!"

Amanda took a step back to keep from strangling her mother. "Get out," she said fiercely as she pointed at the door.

"Excuse me?"

"I refuse to stand here and let you insult me and JC like this. Leave now," she replied coldly. Her mother started to say something. "Mom, just leave," she said quietly one last time as she went to the window and turned her back on the whole room.

Mrs. Parrish gathered her purse and made her way to the door. Before leaving, she turned and looked at her daughter. She quickly turned back around and left the room.

JC climbed out of bed and slipped on his robe. He walked to the window and stood behind Amanda.

"Please don't," she said as he was about to place his hands on her shoulder. "I'm sorry you had to see that," she said as she wiped a tear from her eye. "But that's our relationship in a nut shell. First she criticizes me for something I do and I always feel like she's running my life. Then try to do 'something in my best interest' and once in a while I'll finally stand up to her, we have a fight and then we don't speak for like a week and then we go back into our old pattern again. She's the dominate, I'm the submissive, and once in a while I'll challenge, she'll win, and we're back to square one. Never changes…"

"It looks like you won that round," JC replied.

Amanda let out half a laugh. "Yeah, well, I didn't. See, you think I'm stubborn but my mom's worse. I'm always the first to call which means I loose."

"What's the longest you've gone without talking to her?"

"Two and a half months. I finally called her up to wish her a Happy Birthday. I had decided I wanted to go to Duke. And I had a full ride. She had a fit because I wasn't going to go to State just like she did. I stood up to her and we fought for the next week. Finally my dad suggested I go live with my grandparents for a while. My grandmother was ecstatic over my acceptance since she went to Duke. And we didn't speak for most of the last half of my senior year. And finally I couldn't take it any more. I turned down Duke, got things in order with State and called my mother."

"If it's going to cause that much problem with your family, you don't have to live in the guest house," JC responded half-heartedly. He didn't like the idea of her staying in her apartment, but at the same time, he didn’t want to be cause of strife between Amanda and her mother.

Amanda turned around to face JC. "The best thing for me is going to be staying with you. You're right in that I can't climb two flights of stairs right now. If my mom has a problem with this, she's going to have to deal with it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I need to start taking more control of my life," she replied confidently though in her mind she was already wondering if she made the right decision.

The phone rang a moment later. "Hello," JC answered on the third ring. "Yes, she's right here," he replied and looked at her. "It's your dad," he said as he held the phone in her direction.

"Hey," she said softly as she held the phone to her ear. "Yeah, I understand, I know how she can be." She listened briefly. "Call me when y'all land?… Ok, love you too," she replied softly as she hung up the phone. She looked at JC. "They're on their way to the airport hoping to catch a flight in two hours," she said softly as she turned to look out the window again. JC said nothing as he wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder and held her close.

The next day the doctors released JC. They told him not to do anything strenuous for the next week and to follow up with his doctor. Joey had flown back to New York the previous night so he could make the next scheduled performance of Rent. Justin was flying back to LA that morning. His rehearsals for his VMA performance started the next day. Lance was flying to Mississippi to spend time with his family. Chris, Tyler and Gen were already on their way back to Orlando. Amanda had given them the key to her apartment and they were going to pick up several things and take them to JC’s house. Karen, Roy and Heather were driving back up with the couple.

“You realize that I’m not the one with the bum leg,” JC said as he looked at the wheel chair the nurse had brought to take him to their vehicle.

“Hospital rules. Everyone leaves in a wheel chair.” She answered as she pointed to the chair.

“But….” he protested.

“Jace, just sit your butt down and let her push you out. No sense in fighting, she’s going to win. Give up, I want to go home,” Amanda piped up. She was sitting in a wheel chair with Karen standing behind it. “Karen, is he always this way. Because if he is, I’m seriously going to rethink this whole relationship thing.”

Karen chuckled. “Yes, he is. You should know that by know. And if he weren’t do you think you would be in this relationship. It was his stubbornness that got you two together.”

“Really? I thought it was his poor driving skills.”

“Hey, stop talking about me like I’m not here.”

“Then sit down and let’s get this show on the road,” Amanda replied with annoyance.

JC reluctantly sat in the chair and looked over at Amanda. He heard the tone in her voice but wasn’t sure where it was coming from. She sat with her elbow propped on the arm of the chair and her head resting in her hand. She looked so exhausted and stressed out. He knew the past week had caught up with her and the stress of the argument with her mother had only compounded the situation. He also knew she had talked to her supervisor and the human resources department that morning and had a feeling the conversation had not gone as planned. He planned to talk with her on the drive back to Orlando.

The whole group, including Todd and Lonnie, was ushered to the loading dock by two oversized security officers and the head of security. They were leaving from the back entrance in hopes of avoiding the media circus that had congregated in one of the front parking lots. The hospital would make a statement about JC’s release after they had ample time to leave the area.

They climbed into two SUV’s and drove to a shopping center near by. There they boarded the tour bus JC had rented for the drive back. He felt both would be more comfortable on a bus with couches than in a car or van. After they got settled and on the road, JC walked to the back of the bus where Amanda was stretched out on one of the couches. She had watching a movie on TV at the other end of the couch. He could tell by her glassy stare she was not focused on the movie.

“Hey,” he said as he sat down on the couch opposite of hers. She looked over at him. He saw the pain, exhaustion and stress in her eyes. “You ok,” he asked.

She replied with a yawn. “Yeah, I’m just ready to get back to Orlando.” She turned her attention back to the TV set. They sat in awkward silence.

“Are you mad at me,” he questioned softly.

She furrowed her brow and looked back at him. “No, why would you think that?”

“Um, well, you were a little short with me back at the hospital.”

“Well, you were acting like a child not sitting in the chair,” she replied flatly. There was another long pause. Amanda sighed. Her voice softened, “I’m really tired and just want to veg out for a bit. Can we talk about this later?”

“Why can’t we do it now?”

She took a breath. “Because I’m not ready to talk about this.”

“Why aren’t you ready? Are you breaking up with me?

“No. Why would you even think that?

“Well, you’re annoyed with me. You’ve called me a child. You don’t want to talk.”

“Stop! I can’t even believe you would think that. If I were breaking up with you, I wouldn’t have spent two days by your bedside using every bit of emotional, mental and physical strength and will power to try and get you to wake up. You don’t know what I went through. You don’t know what I’m going through. I’m sorry I’m in a bad mood, it’s been a shitty few days, but guess what, it’s going to happen. And I need you to realize that there are going to be times, like right now, that you can not push me and you have to give me some breathing space.”

“I didn’t realize me waking up was shitty.”

Amanda sighed, nothing was coming out right, “You waking up was the highlight of the past few days. Meeting your family was a highlight. But I’m also dealing with a lot of other things, family, work, an injury that’s got a major recover time.” She stopped. “JC, please, just let me be for a few hours, please,” she pleaded with him.

“But I want to be with you, to help you.”

“JC, please, my life hasn’t been like yours. I haven’t had people constantly around me for years. Having all these people around has been mentally exhausting. Please, I need time to be with my self, to reflect on what’s happened, to plan what needs to happen next.”

“But…”

“JC, there is not but. Please, I am trying very hard not to say anything that is going to damage us, but if you do not stop pushing, we are both going to regret it. I love you, but please, just leave me right now.”

“Fine,” he replied reluctantly. “But this isn’t over.”

“JC, I don’t want it to be over. We need to talk, I know and want that, but right now, it’s more important that I have a couple hours of alone time. I’d be telling this to anyone else right now so please do not take it personally.”

“You better believe I’m taking this personally. I’m trying to get you to open up to me and you keep shutting me down. I know you’re in pain. I know you’re exhausted. I know that you just want to be alone. But this isn’t all about you. What about what me? I need to be with you. I need to talk with you. I need to figure out how to make you better.”

“JC, I don’t need you to ‘make me better’. I’m not someone that needs to be fixed. Yes, I’m in a lot of pain right now. My knee hurts. My shoulder hurts. I’m sore all over, from the car accident, from sitting in hard waiting room chairs, from not finding a comfortable position to sleep in, from being wound so tightly about the prospect of loosing you I thought I was going to implode. And I’m scared. I don’t know if my mother will ever talk to me again. I don’t know if she’s going to keep my father from me as punishment. I don’t know how I’ll pay my bills. I don’t know when I’ll be able to go back to work. Not that it really matters since the pain meds make me so loopy that even if they had something for me, I probably wouldn’t be very good at it. I don’t know if when they do have something if it’ll fit into my PT schedule. I don’t know how much this hospital stay is going to cost me. I don’t have a car and I don’t know how long the insurance company is going to take to get me a check. Not that I can drive right now, so I guess that’s a moot point for the time being. I don’t know if you’re going to have an epiphany and decide that I’m really not the one for you. And I’m exhausted. Physically I feel like I haven’t slept in a year. And emotionally and mentally from all these thoughts running through my head and trying to keep them straight and not letting them make me paranoid. And I didn’t want it to come to this outburst because I hate feeling like I’m nothing more than a weak little girl that can’t control her emotions,” she sobbed. “So, please, when I ask a simple thing of please let me alone for a couple hours, will you please be the supportive and loving boyfriend I need, and do as I ask? Please?”

He kneeled on the floor in front of her and said nothing as the tears trickled from the corners of his eyes. He saw the pain and hurt in her eyes and wished he could say the right thing to make it all go away. He took the sleeve of his shirt and wiped the tears from her cheeks. He leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. “I love you,” he said as he stood up and left the room.

JC slumped into the bench at the table by the kitchenette. He rested his chin on his palm and stared out the window at the passing orange grove. His mom sat next to him and wrapped her arm around his shoulder. “What happened,” she asked.

“She’s hurting so much right now but won’t let me in,” he replied as he looked over at her.

“I know, she’s been putting up a façade the past couple of days.”

“But why is she doing that with me? Doesn’t she know I want to be there for her?”

“Josh, just give her some time. She loves you and right now I think that she just needs to decompress. She’s a strong woman and she’s going to survive this.”

“I know. I just… just… Mom, I love her so much. I hate seeing her like this.”

“I know baby, I know,” she replied softly as she ran her hand over his curls as he turned and looked back out the window.

After several minutes, she excused herself and walked to the back of the bus. She peaked in the doorway and could see Amanda on the couch quietly crying. She looked up at Karen with red rimmed eyes.

“Do you want to be alone?”

Amanda shook her head.

“Do you want me to get JC?”

Again, Amanda shook her head.

“Would you like me to sit with you?”

“Do you mind?”

“Not at all,” she replied as she sat down on the couch next to Amanda. Amanda lifted her head and put in Karen’s lap. Karen gently stroked Amanda’s hair as the younger woman continued to cry softly.

“My mom called this morning,” Amanda said quietly. “She said she was very disappointed her only daughter would choose to live with a man before she was married. She said that if I continue with my decision, that I shouldn’t bother to talk to her again.” She took a breath. “And all I could think about was how she conspired with Rosie and JC to get us together. And how supportive she was at first. How she said that if I kept messing with his head that I would loose him. JC even said how she talked about how he could be ‘exactly what I needed’. And it just hurts that she doesn’t trust me or the job she did raising me. I mean, I’m one of the most straight laced twenty-four year olds out there. I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. I rarely drink. I don’t sleep around. I mean, I’m not even sleeping with your son and he’s the only man I’ve ever fallen in love with. And if it weren’t for this knee thing, I don’t think we’d be having this discussion. The doctor thinks that by kneeling on it for so long is what’s aggravated it so much and caused so much damage. How ironic is it that the act of saving a life is going to cost me my relationship with my mom.” She closed here eyes as she paused for several moments. She spoke very softly several minutes later, “I love your son Karen, I really do, but there are times that I wish he had never hit me that day.” She signed deeply and slowly.

Karen could tell she had fallen asleep and continued to sit there and stroke Amanda’s hair as she slept. After an hour, she gently lifted Amanda’s head off her lap and placed a pillow under it after she stood up. She walked back up front.

“Why did she talk with you and not me,” JC asked as she grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge.

“I don’t know how much I can or should reveal about what she said, but Josh, she’s got a lot going on right now and I think she needed a mother figure to just listen to, which is something she’s not getting from her own family. Don’t push her to talk. Just be there for her and let her come to you,” she said as she leaned over and placed a kiss on his forehead.

“Thanks mom,” he said as he reached up and gave her shoulders a squeeze. He yawned. “I think I’m going to go lay down. Wake me when we get close to the house.”

He walked to the back and quietly laid down on the couch opposite of Amanda. He settled on his side and faced Amanda. “I love you, please don’t shut me out,” he said quietly in her direction as he yawned. He soon fell asleep. When Karen checked on them a while later, she couldn’t help but notice that they both looked more peaceful than they had in several days. She hoped it would last.

Hi everyone,

Once again, thank you for reading. Please let me know what you think. I do take feedback into consideration when writing future chapters.

Thanks!!

-me

Chapter 25

Amanda was groggy from sleep and foggy from the pain medication when they arrived at JC’s house. There was a flurry of activity as they walked into the house. Several of JC’s friends were there to welcome him home. Everyone was asking questions of him and Amanda which JC mostly answered. Brianna was toddling around laughing and squealing at everything including Hodge and Podge while she chased the animals around the kitchen. Tyler and Chris were cracking jokes left and right. Karen and Heather were busy making sandwiches for everyone. Gen was over in a corner talking animatedly with Kelly.

Amanda sat at the kitchen table with her leg propped up and stared at the happy chaos. She’d only taken a couple of bites of the lunch on the plate in front of her, she didn’t have an appetite. Even with sitting in the large kitchen next to a wall of windows over looking an expansive back yard and large lake, she suddenly felt claustrophobic with all the activity around her. Her hands went cold and clammy, she felt her face flush and sick to her stomach, her breathing became shallow and rapid. She looked for the easiest and quickest exit possible. She stood up and made her way to a hallway off the kitchen. She went as far as she could as quickly as she could on crutches.

Finding a powder room towards the end of the hallway, she stepped inside and shut the door. She leaned against the door and tried to calm her breathing and the nausea she was feeling. It didn’t work and she barely had time to reach the toilet before she threw up. She braced her hands against the toilet tank for support as she continued to heave for several minutes. Once she felt it was safe to stand up, she moved to the pedestal sink and splashed cool water on her face and rinsed out her mouth.

She looked up and was startled by the image staring back at her in the mirror. She barely recognized herself. She had no color in her face and dark circles under her eyes. Her green eyes that were normally clear, bright and dancing with life were red rimmed, dull and listless. She had lost weight as evidenced by the track pants that hung much lower on her hips than normal. Her hair also hung stringy, limp and lifeless. She didn’t know how JC had wanted to kiss her that morning with the way she looked.

A knock came at the door. “Amanda, are you in there?”

A tear slipped down her cheek as she heard the worry in JC’s voice. She brushed it away as she opened the door. She looked up JC and fought not to cry when she saw the concern in his face when he looked at her. She reached out to him and he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. She buried her head into his shoulder. Another tear trickled down her cheek. And another. And another. He held her tight. “It’s going to be alright. Let’s get you to bed,” he said as he led her to the guest bedroom at the end of the hall.

He pulled the covers down on the bed as she stripped down to a cami and boy shorts. He helped her into the high bed and placed pillows under her knee to keep it elevated. “Just sleep, you’ll feel better,” he said as he pulled the covers over her. He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.

She grabbed his hand as he turned to leave. “JC, thank you,” she said. “I love you.”

His heart broke at the sight of her laying there so vulnerable. “I love you too. Now get some sleep,” he said as he kissed the palm of her hand and ran his hand lightly over her cheek.

“Will you stay with me till I fall asleep,” she asked. He nodded as he walked over to the opposite side of the bed and climbed in next to her. He leaned back against the headboard as she shifted to rest her head against his torso. He rested one hand on her shoulder and reached for her hand with his other and laced their fingers together. He began to sing softly as she closed her eyes. Within minutes she was breathing in the deep rhythmic pattern indicative of sleep.

After unwrapping himself from her embrace, he laid her back down and gently climbed off the bed. He padded slowly out the room and shut the door quietly.

“Where’s Amanda,” Gen asked as he entered the kitchen.

“She’s sleeping. I think this homecoming was a bit overwhelming for her,” he replied as he grabbed a chip from the bag on the island and popped it in his mouth.

“I’m sorry we’ve worn her out, we can leave if needed,” Kelly said Brianna ran past her squealing at the top of her lungs as she chased Podge into the kitchen. She reached down and picked her daughter up trying to get her to calm down.

“No, don’t go. The past week just caught up with her fast. I don’t think even she realized how tired she was,” he answered with a yawn as he sat on one of the stools at the island.

“Looks like you need another nap,” his mother said as she tussled his hair.

“Watch the hair, ma,” he said with a laugh as he batted her hand away.

“When are you getting this mop cut,” she asked. “It’s much too long.”

“Yeah, JC, you’re starting to look like a girl,” Chris quipped from across the room.

“I don’t know, I kinda like it this way,” he said as he ran his hand through it. I haven’t had long hair since…,” he paused trying to remember.

“Since ‘Incoming, look out dude, like I’m itching for an epic wave but some dude has been spreading bogus information on the surf report, dude’,” Tyler replied in a surfer accent. The whole room erupted into laughter. JC flushed bright red at the reference to the character Wipeout from his MMC days. Chris and Tyler kept speaking like surfers. Briana started chasing Hodge. And JC smiled at the chaos around him.

* * * * *

Amanda woke with a grimace when Hodge walked across her legs in search for a soft warm cuddle spot on her mom. She reached down and pulled the kitten to her torso and stroked her head and back. Hodge immediately began purring and kneading Amanda’s stomach. Amanda looked over at the clock on the bedside table and saw it was well into the evening. She sighed in frustration that she’d slept the day away but felt better and clearer headed than she did that morning. Hating to move the kitten that was now curled up asleep, she knew she needed to get out of bed and get something to eat when her stomach growled loudly. She placed the kitten on the pillow next to her and gently threw the covers off. As she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed, she saw that her luggage had been placed in the room. She reached for her crutches next to the bed. She grabbed a pair of shorts and a tee shirt and her shower items from her luggage and went to the bathroom. Thankfully the bathroom had a walk-in steam shower with a built in bench. As the shower warmed up, she brushed her teeth and discarded her clothing. She avoided looking at herself in the mirror. She hated how she looked right now but knew the long nap and the hot shower would help. After she washed and conditioned her hair, she stood under the steaming water and let it cascade over her shoulders and down her back. The pulsating liquid helped ease the tension that had formed in her body. She’d have to remember to ask JC if he knew a masseuse in the area that made house calls. After what seemed like an eternity, she shut the water off, dried off, wrapped the towel around her body and stepped out of the shower.

She yelped in surprise when JC’s voice came from the bedroom. She opened the door and found him making her bed. “You don’t need to do that,” she said as she leaned against the doorjamb.

He looked over at her and smiled. He thought she was beautiful leaning in the door way with just the towel around her. She had grabbed a brush and was working the tangles out of her hair. He lightly licked his lips at the thought of removing the towel and seeing what was beneath.

“JC, if you’ve seen one pair, you’ve seen them all. They’re not that different,” she teased as she read the expression on his face.

He walked to her, “But how do I know that if don’t inspect them first hand,” he replied as wrapped his arms around her and pulled close. He leaned down and placed his lips over hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and ran a finger in a light circle at his hairline and deepened the kiss. He turned and leaned her against the doorjamb. She broke the kiss several minutes later and hugged him close. “Thank you,” she whispered into his ear. “I needed a kiss like that.”

He leaned back and looked into her eyes, “Happy to oblige,” he replied with a lazy smile. “Now, go get dressed, dinner’s on the table.”

She furrowed her brows. “You cooked? Since when do you cook,” she questioned.

“Who said anything about cooking,” he replied as he left the room.

She turned back to the bathroom and dressed quickly and applied a brush of gloss over her lips and a swipe of blush on her cheeks. She pulled her hair from the sides of her face and placed it in a clip. She grabbed her crutches and headed to the kitchen.

The candle lit kitchen table was set for two. JC was pouring red wine into glasses. She inhaled the wonderful aroma of garlicky tomato sauce. “Take out from Olive Garden?”

“No, better, takeout from Casa de Fatone,” he replied as he pulled a chair out for her to sit.

She grinned as she sat down. “Phyllis cooked for us,” she asked as she looked over the pan of lasagna between the two candles.

“Well, Kelly did, but it’s Phyllis’ recipe,” he replied as he sat down and served her a piece.

She took a bite. “I don’t care who cooked it, it’s wonderful.” she said as she finished and got another bite on her fork. “Where is everyone,” she asked as she realized how silent the house was.

“Mom and Dad are having dinner with Joey’s parents. Tyler and Heather are out with Chris and Gen doing who knows what.” He speared the salad in front of him. “Are you feeling better,” he asked as he took a bite.

“A nap and a shower did me some good.” Her voice was distant as she took a sip of wine.

He heard her draw away. “Please don’t shut me out,” he said as he took her hand.

She sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to shut you out. I’m just not used to sharing my problems.” She took another sip. “I talked with my mom this morning and she said that if I stay here, she’s going to disown me,”

He blew out a deep breath. “Wow, from what you told me I knew she wasn’t going to take it well, I didn’t think she’d go this far.”

“Yeah, neither did I,” she replied softly.

“What are you going to do,” he asked as he took a deep sip of his wine.

“I don’t know what else I can do but to stay here. I can barely take a shower without having to sit down, much less climb stairs to the third floor.”

“But your mom…”

“I can’t continue to live in fear of what she says, does or threatens. This is my life, not hers and she’s going to have to respect my decisions,” she answered with as much confidence as she could muster. He ran his thumb over the top of her hand.

“And your conversation with work,” he prodded.

“Well, the Miami doc wrote me out for a week, but right now they don’t have anything for me to do that doesn’t involve standing. So it’s a wait and see.”

He could see the tears forming in her eyes. “Honey, I’m so sorry this is happening,” he said as he reached out and touched her cheek.

“It’s not your fault, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” She took another sip of wine. “Shit happens and I’ve got to be a big girl and deal with it.”

“How can I help?”

“Just love me, that’s all I can ask for right now.”

“I think I can do that. Anything else you need to get off your chest,” he asked. He sensed she hadn’t told him everything.

“Do you only think about sex,” she asked with a smile.

He chuckled. “I didn’t mean it that way, I meant…”

“I know what you meant. Had to give you a hard time,” she paused. “We’re being totally honest right?”

He heard the serious undertone to her voice. “Yes.”

“I’d rather you hear this from me than your mom,” she stated. She took a deep breath. “As you know I was really upset this morning. The conversations with my mom and work hadn’t gone as planned, I was tired, overwhelmed. Well, when I was talking to your mom, I was just saying whatever came to my mind. I wasn’t censoring what I was saying.”

“I don’t know if I like where this is going,” he said skeptically.

“Like I said, from me, not your mom.” He nodded and she continued. “Well, I did say at one point that I regretted meeting you.” She continued quickly before he could interrupt. “Like I said, things were pouring out. I didn’t even realize I’d said it till later.”

“So you regret meeting me,” he said as he slowly removed his hand from hers. He picked up his glass and drained the rest of the wine in it.

“I didn’t mean it the way it came out.”

“I really don’t think you would have said it if there weren’t some bit of truth behind it.” His voice was tinged with both hurt and anger. He poured himself another glass of wine and took a long sip.

“Jace, before you go shutting me out, listen to me,” she pleaded with him and reached for his hand. “Yes, there are parts of the past few months that I regret, the wreck, the huge fight over the ring, now this thing with my mother. But I would live through those things again for all the other things we’ve experienced. Amanda’s Houses, the days and nights we spent in Miami, the kiss in the shower in New York.” She entwined her fingers in his. “Jace, look at me,” she said as she took his chin in her other hand and turned his face to hers. “I love you. I don’t regret that.”

He was quiet for a few moments. “I need to go for a walk,” he said as he stood up and walked out the back door

Amanda watched as JC walked down the yard and out the privacy fence. She hung her head. She wished she’d not told him her regrets, but she knew with their close bond that Karen possibly would. She hoped telling him was the right thing to do and hadn’t hurt their relationship irreparably.

She finished her wine, blew out the candles, put the dishes in the sink and the lasagna in the fridge. She went back to her room, changed into her bed clothes and climbed under the covers. Hodge climbed off the pillow she’d been sleeping on and settled into the crook of her arm. As she stroked the kitten’s head Amanda drifted off into a restless sleep.

She awoke some time later. Her back hurt. Her knee hurt. Her head hurt. She grabbed her crutches and headed to the kitchen to get a glass of water. As she stood in the kitchen, she knew she couldn’t go back to sleep in the bed. She wanted to talk to JC but didn’t know where he was. She chuckled. Other than her room, the powder room and the kitchen, she didn’t really know where anything in his house was. If he was still speaking with her in the morning, she was going to as for the grand tour. For now, she settled on a soak in the hot tub.

She went back to her room and changed. She stepped out the French doors of her room onto the pool deck and stopped. JC was sitting on pool chair in a shadowed corner.

“I thought you’d gone to bed by now,” she said.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he replied flatly.

She worked her way to him and sat on the chaise lounger next to him. She reached for his hand but he moved it out of her reach. Her hand hovered briefly in the space above where his had been before she drew it back and ran it through her hair. “What can I say to make this better,” she asked hesitantly.

He continued to stare across the patio, never once glancing in her direction. “Right now, I’m not sure. I’m mad and I’m hurt and I’m going to bed. See you in the morning,” he said as he stood and walked towards the kitchen.

“JC, wait,” she said as she stood up and hobbled after him. He turned.

“No. You had your pity party this morning. Now it’s my turn. I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

“Jace, I’m sorry. I just wanted to be honest with you.”

“Honesty? You want honesty? Here’s honesty: I’m so fucking mad at you right now I don’t know what to say. I propose to you, I chase you across the country, I share my deepest secret with you, something I haven’t even told my own mother about, and you tell her of all people that you regret meeting me. Well, fuck you. Oh, wait, straight laced Southern Baptist girl doesn’t do that.” He paused for an instant and when he spoke again, his voice was eerily calm. “I’m a man of my word. You can stay here till you’re back on your feet, but after that, I want you out of my house.”

Fire flashed in her eyes. “What the hell JC,” she yelled at him. “How can you be mad at me? I do exactly what you’ve wanted of me, to trust and be honest with you, and you go and act this way, say those things.” Tears pooled in her eyes. “You’re acting out my biggest fear. You’re acting just like my mother!”

“Whatever,” he said as he turned and walked into the kitchen. Moments later she heard him pull out of the garage and down the driveway.

She drew in a deep shaky breath. Two questions ran through her mind: Is this the end? After all we’ve been through, is this really the end?

* * * * *

“Morning,” Amanda said as she entered the kitchen the next morning. The whole Chasez family was sitting around the kitchen table eating the breakfast Karen had cooked.

“Good morning sweetie, how’d you sleep,” Karen asked as Amanda sat down and took the plate of pancakes Roy offered her.

“Um, as well as can be expected,” she replied and looked across the table to JC. He turned his head slightly to avoid her gaze and picked up his glass of juice. The small movement did not go unnoticed at the table. “Did you and Roy have a good time with the Fatones?”

“We did. It was good to catch up with them,” Karen answered. She turned her attention to JC. “How was the lasagna Kelly made,” she asked.

“It was fine. I’m going to Chris’,” he said as he stood and walked out of the room without saying anything else. His family stared after him with confused looks on their faces.

“I think I’m going to take a shower,” Amanda quietly said as she stood and left the room. She was able to make it to the bathroom and turn the shower on before she broke into tears.

A knock came at her door later that morning. “Come in,” Amanda called out. She was sitting on the bed with her laptop in front of her.

“I hoped you could come say good-bye before we left,” Heather said quietly from the doorway.

“Sure. I didn’t realize y’all were leaving this soon,” Amanda said as she closed the laptop and moved off the bed.

“Yeah, Mom and Dad have to get back to work and I’ve got to get ready for school,” she replied as they walked down the hall. “Um, what’s going on with you and Josh,” she asked very quietly.

Amanda paused to form her words. She could see the concern and worry in Heather’s eyes. “We’re just going through a rough spot. Nothing to worry about,” she said hoping her voice sounded convincing. They entered the foyer where the other four members of the family stood saying their good-byes.

“It was so nice to meet y’all,” she said as Roy leaned over for a hug.

“I just wish our first meeting had been under better circumstances,” he replied.

She smiled. “I think we all do.” She turned to Karen. “Thank you for the talks,” she said as Karen wrapped her arms around her in a warm embrace.

“You’re welcome,” Karen answered. “You’ll get through this,” she whispered softly into Amanda’s ear. Amanda pulled back and gave a small hopeful nod.

“Email me,” Heather said as she too hugged Amanda.

“I will. Kick butt in school,” she replied with a smile.

JC gave another quick hug to his mother before they left with Tyler who was driving them to the airport. When the door clicked shut, JC turned and walked out of the foyer, the slapping of his flip-flops on the marble flooring echoing loudly through the quiet house.

Amanda stood there and sighed. She was torn about what to do. Should she go after him and try to get him to talk or should she give him space. As she stood there debating, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. When she hung up from her call she knew she’d be talking with him sooner than later.

Heading to the hallway he had disappeared down, Amanda listened for some indication where he had gone. As she approached the last door on the hallway, she heard him ending a conversation with someone on the phone. She knocked lightly on the door which swung open slightly. “JC,” she said tentatively as she stuck her head into the room.

“I really don’t want to talk to you right now,” he said as he sat down into the leather executive chair behind a massive glass and steel contemporary desk and turned his attention to the stack of mail on the desk.

She stepped fully into the room. “I know you need your space right now, but I just got a call from the physical therapist’s office. They’d like me to come in this afternoon. I’m not supposed to drive for a couple more days, so I was wondering if you could take me. If not, I’ll see if Chris or Tyler will…” her voice trailed off.

He sighed. “Yeah, I can take you.”

“Thank you,” she said as she backed out of the office.

“No problem,” he replied as he looked back down at the mail on his desk.

Silence. It was becoming the new soundtrack of their relationship. They sat in silence during the ride to the PT appointment. They sat in silence in the waiting room. Now they were sitting in silence on the way back to the house. She finally broke the silence as JC parked in the garage.

“I was thinking of making leftover lasagna for dinner. Do you want me to fix you a plate,” she asked as they climbed out of the Jeep.

“No thanks, Chris and I are going out,” JC replied as he entered the house and bounded up the stairs. She watched as he disappeared down the hallway. “I’m sorry,” she said softly before heading through the kitchen and down the hallway to her bedroom.

She barely saw JC the next two days. She was spending most of her time in her room or out by the pool. JC stayed mainly in his studio or office if he wasn’t out with Chris. They had run into each other in the kitchen a couple times and would exchange strained pleasantries but JC would leave as soon as possible.

On the third day of near silent treatment, Amanda answered the phone.

“I don’t know what’s going on with you two, but JC’s over here playing with Briana. He actually called to see if he could come over. That’s not normal,” Kelly’s voice came across the line. “What happened?”

“I’d rather not talk about it,” Amanda replied.

“Well, someone needs to talk because it’s like ‘Attack of the Pod People’ over here. He has changed her very dirty, smelly diaper. Willingly! He’s never changed her diaper before.”

Amanda smiled sadly at the vision of JC pulling fatherly duties. “Has he said anything?”

“No, not to me. Why?”

“Just wondering.”

“Alright, I’m coming to get you and force you two to talk. If it means locking the two of you in a room after I’ve removed all object that could cause bodily harm, so be it.”

“Kelly, you don’t have to do that. We’ll work it out on our own.”

“Yeah, how long has this been going on?”

“Since the night we got back,” Amanda replied.

“Yeah, time to talk,” she said as she instructed Amanda to be ready in fifteen minutes. “I’ll tell him I had to run to the store.”

Twenty minutes later Kelly pulled up the driveway.

“Ok, tell me what happened,” she said as Amanda climbed into the large SUV.

“It’s between the two of us. I don’t want to drag anyone else into this,” she replied as she looked out the window at the passing communities.

“I’ve never seen him like this. Joey will never believe the diaper story,” Kelly said as she tried to bring some levity to the situation.

“Yeah, I’m going to have to see it before I believe it,” Amanda replied with a half-hearted chuckle.

As they entered the house, Kelly pointed down a hallway. The playroom’s down there,” she said.

Amanda headed to the door Kelly instructed. She smiled as she paused outside the door.

“What does a dog say,” JC asked. She heard Briana babble something. “Close, but can you say ‘woof woof’,” JC asked. Briana giggled at JC’s impression of a dog. “You think that’s funny?” Briana’s giggles got louder. “Woof, woof,” he said again and the toddler broke into another fit of laughter. Amanda smiled at the exchange. She didn’t want to interrupt them so she turned and found her way to the lanai and sat down on a chaise lounger.

“What are you doing out here,” she heard a while later. She turned to find JC standing at a doorway.

“Kelly kidnapped me,” she said as she patted the chaise lounger next to her. JC took a deep breath before making his way over to her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she said softly as he sat down.

“I’m sorry too for how I’ve been acting. I just can’t get those words out of my head. How could you regret meeting me?” She could hear the hurt in his voice and it tugged at her heart.

“Jace, like I was trying to explain that night, there are things that have happened that I regret, the wreck, the fights, but without them, there wouldn’t also be the good stuff.” She paused to see if her words had sunk in. “One of the things you need to know is that I internalize my problems. I’ve always been independent and don’t to burden anyone else with them because I feel like I should be able to figure out how to fix it. It doesn’t work, I end up thinking the problems are bigger and more complex than they are, I continue not to share them as I try to work them out, and it’s just a very vicious downward spiral until I end up in an emotional state like I was that morning where I’m withdrawn, angry, easily annoyed. Eventually, I’ll have a breakdown, get everything I’m thinking and feeling off my chest, in the process saying things, thoughts that are irrational because I’m in an irrational state. And then I’ll feel better, usually after a good night’s sleep, and I wake up going, ‘Why do I keep doing this to myself. It really wasn’t that big of a deal and I should have just dealt with it in the beginning’.” She paused and could see his facial features had softened. “I’m sorry I was so awful on the bus. I’m sorry if what I said hurt you, I really didn’t mean what I said, it was my irrational thought of this breakdown. And I’m most sorry I’ve ruined our relationship because of it.”

He reached over and took her hand. “I’m not like your mom. I want, need you to know that I am here for you. If you’re having a problem, then it’s my problem too, and I want to hear about it and help you work your way through it. And as you showed with my mom, if you can’t talk to me, please find someone who you are comfortable with.” He paused to collect his next thoughts.

“Your right, a lot of how I am is because of my twisted relationship with my mother. I think about the only selfless thing she’s done for me was getting me to the Rosie show. And I don’t even know now if it was truly selfless or if she has some underlying motivation I haven’t figured out yet. Or relationship isn’t healthy, I know that. That’s partly why I moved down here was so I could put six hundred miles between us. I do feel like it would almost be better for me to just not deal with her any more. But I love my father too much to do that and I’m afraid she’d be vindictive enough that if I did end our relationship, I’d never see my father again.” She wiped away the tears that had fallen. “I know I need to trust you more, and I hope what I’ve shared about my mom, something I haven’t shared with anyone before, is proof that I’m working towards trusting you completely.” She paused. “But I need you to know that for me to continue to trust you, I’ve got to know you’re not going to act like you did the other night. It really hurt that I was doing what you asked, opening up, being honest, trusting you with my thoughts and then having you tell me to fuck off.”

He moved and sat next to her and pulled her to him. He kissed her forehead soothingly. He spoke softly, “I’m sorry for what I said the other night. It was a low blow and I didn’t mean it. And I’m sorry I keep making you cry.”

She laughed through her tears. “Chasez, I’m a crier, I thought you would have figured that out by now,” she said as she leaned in and kissed his lips softly.

“Yay,” they heard from the doorway. They turned to see Kelly holding her daughter. “Does this mean what I think it does?”

“Yeah, no more ‘Attack of the Pod People’,” Amanda replied with a smile. JC gave her a confused look. “You changed a dirty diaper? Really?”

He smiled and gave her another kiss.

“JC, is everything ok.” Amanda asked over a week later. She had just returned from work where she was filling in for the sales receptionist who was on maternity leave. After two weeks of nothing but bumming around his house or going to PT, she was thankful to get out and do something productive again.

“Yeah, I’ve just got a lot on my mind,” he replied as he continued to stare at the mixing board in front of him. He had just returned from New York City for the MTV VMA’s the previous night and had locked himself in his home studio and hadn’t emerged for over twelve hours.

Amanda pulled a chair close to him and sat down. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He looked over at her. “No, not really,” he said quietly.” Amanda could see the conflict in his eyes as he ran his hand lightly over her cheek.

She took his hand in hers, “Ok, but you know I’m here if you need me,” she replied as she stood up.

“I know. Thanks,” he said as he turned back to the board in front of him.

Amanda hobbled out of the studio and back into the kitchen. As she sat on a stool at the bar eating a snack, the phone rang. “Hello,” she answered.

“Manda, Gen.”

“Hey, how was the trip out west?” Justin had headed to the west coast to prepare for his upcoming album release. He had premiered his first single at the VMAs two days prior.

“It was fine, nothing beats flying in a private jet.” She paused for a few seconds. “Um, how’s JC?”

“Ya know, I was going to ask you about him, whether or not something happened while he was gone. He’s been so quiet and reclusive since he got back. Did something happen?”

“Yeah, he and Justin got into it majorly about his solo album.”

“I thought JC was supportive.”

“Oh, he was, but when Jace asked J about his thoughts on making his own album, J didn’t seem to be as enthusiastic.”

“Huh? That doesn’t sound like Justin.”

“I know. I think it just came out wrong and JC just asked at a bad time. Justin’s been so stressed over the single dropping and everything else, he hasn’t been himself. Even Lynn’s noticed it and you know how close those two are.”

“I know. Thanks for filling me in. I’ll give him his space, hopefully they’ll work it out,” Amanda said and the two friends continued to talk about the VMAs.

* * * * *

"Yeah, some friend you are. Thanks for nothing," JC yelled furiously as he slammed the phone into its cradle a couple days later. He gripped the sides of the counter top so tight his knuckles turned white. He hung his head and uttered several expletives. A few seconds later, he picked up the coffee mug next to him and threw it towards the nearest wall and only cringed slightly as it shattered into a million pieces.

"JC," Amanda yelled as she entered the kitchen. "Are you ok," she asked as she surveyed him pacing angrily the length of the island. "What did Justin do this time," she asked tentatively as she stood at the doorway.

"More like what he won't do," he spat with fury. "That egotistical son of a…."

"JC, don’t' say anything you're going to regret," she interrupted. She was ignored.

"…a bitch, won't go to Jive about my album. My so-called best friend of the past decade is leaving me high and dry so he can have the spotlight to himself, again. 'It wouldn't be in my best interests right now to say anything since they're taking such a big chance on me'," JC mimicked as he continued to pace. "Big chance my ass. He knows he's got this in the bag. They know his album is going to do well because the fans will flock to the store and buy it because he's Justin of *Nsync. And you know, if it weren't for the rest of us, he wouldn't be in the position he's in. But instead of helping one of his 'brothers' out, he doing everything he can to promote his own agenda."

The phone rang. They both looked at it. Amanda moved on the third ring. "Hello," she answered quietly. "Yeah, hold on." She turned to JC who was staring intently out the window. "It's Justin."

He turned and the look on his face, a look of pure hatred, shocked her.

"Justin, yeah, he can't come to the phone right now, do you want me to give him a message?" She listened. "Yeah, will do. Say 'hi' to Gen for me," she finished before hanging up. She turned back to JC. "He said he'll call back later."

"Whatever," JC responded absently as he walked out the back door.

Amanda just watched him pace around the back yard for a minute before getting the broom and mop from the utility closet and started cleaning up the remains of JC's morning coffee.

Over the next week, JC refused to take or return any of Justin's calls.

"Gen, it's not my place to say anything. This is between the two of them… Yes, I can understand J's position, but I also see JC's and I refuse to take sides or say anything, yet… Why? Because I don't want to get involved in the business side of the music… Yes, I know it's affecting his personal life. Trust me, I wish the old JC were back. He and J have been friends for so long and if it were just about something petty, I'd say something, but right now JC feels the world is against him and I don’t want him feeling that about me. They've been friends for too long to let this ruin it, it'll blow over eventually, I'm sure of it…" and the two friends talked about the latest fashion trends they had seen.

Another week passed and JC continued to give Justin the silent treatment.

"So, I was thinking about grilling fish tonight," Amanda said as she leaned on the doorjamb to JC's office.

"Sounds good," he responded absently as he looked at papers on his desk.

"And I want to try out a new recipe for pasta salad with grilled asparagus?"

"Sure," came an equally absent response.

"And making an apple pie for dessert."

"Ok," he turned to the next page.

"And the sky is green."

"That's nice."

"And I invited Gen and Justin," she tested.

JC's head shot up. "Absolutely not, I refuse to give him any of my food," he replied as his business line rang.

"Are you going to answer that?"

"No, it's probably Justin," he answered as the machine picked up and played the outgoing message.

"JC, it's Dallas Austin again. Give me a call about that project we talked about a while ago. I need a final answer in a few days."

"Don’t you want Justin? He's the golden boy, can't do anything wrong right now," JC yelled at the machine. "Soundtrack my ass," he grumbled.

Amanda took a deep breath and hoped she wouldn't regret what she was about to do. "JC, I love you, but you're being an ass," she said bluntly.

"Excuse me," JC looked at her in shock.

"You heard me. This thing between you and Justin has gone too far. You've been best friends for ten years and you're going to let some record company politics ruin your friendship?"

"It's not politics, he won't talk to them because of his own agenda."

"Why should he talk to them? It's not his record contract to win. It's yours, fight for it."

"What do you think I've been doing the past month? I've talked to them. Johnny's talked to them. Potential producers have talked to them. They won't listen."

"So stop talking and show them you deserve a contract."

"Yeah, like what? I can't exactly do anything without a contract."

"Oh yea, what about Only Artist? What about Dallas' offer," she said as she pointed to the answering machine.

"That's a soundtrack."

"So? I know of at least four soundtracks you've been on and I'm sure I can think of two or three more if you give me a minute. Not to mention, one of those songs was nominated for an Oscar," she pointed out.

"Soundtracks don't get much play Amanda."

"'Music of my Heart' did, Madonna's song for Austin Powers did. While most don't, a lot do, so make something that will. Your fans will love anything you would put out. Guerrilla market it. Show up at radio stations and just let them play it. You’re JC of *Nsync, they’ll jump at the chance to play something new from you. Talk it up any time you have a chance. Once you get it out there, the fans will eat it up and Jive will have to listen and consider a contract. And if they’re foolish enough not to give you a contract, I’m sure someone else will."

"But what if it doesn't work?"

"You won't know until you try."

"Do you think I can do this?"

"I know you can. I have faith in you,” Amanda said and turned and left the room.

JC just sat and stared out the window. He picked up the phone.

“Hey, you ok by yourself for a couple of days,” JC asked as he entered the kitchen half an hour later.

“Yeah, why,” Amanda asked curiously as she chopped the vegetables for the pasta salad.

“Because I’m going up to Virginia Beach to hang out with Dallas.”

Amanda turned with a smile on her face. “Good for you. When are you leaving?”

JC hung his head, “As soon as I pack. There’s a flight up there in two hours. Rain check on dinner?”

“Absolutely,” she replied.

* * * * *

He smiled as he stood in the doorway to his room several nights later. Amanda was lying on her stomach with Hodge curled up in the middle of her back. Podge was lying next to her and resting her head on Amanda’s pillow. The puppy raised her head, looked at JC for a moment and settled back down.

“How was the trip,” Amanda asked sleepily as JC entered the room. Hodge stood and stretched, jumped off the bed and ran to his feet. He leaned down and gave her a light scratch between the ears.

“Shhhh, go back to sleep, I didn’t mean to wake you,” he said quietly as he stepped out of his shoes and jeans and crawled into bed and pulled her close.

“I don’t mind being wakened,” she said as she snuggled close. “Did y’all get what you wanted?”

“Yeah, I think so. My part’s done, it’s up to Dallas now, but I think it’ll be perfect for the movie.”

“Good,” she said softly as she drifted back to sleep.

When Amanda woke the next morning, JC was already up. After taking a quick shower, she searched the house for him. As she entered the studio, she was mesmerized by the beats of the track that was playing.

And I say
I-I-I
I can't lose to you, no
I-I-I
Whoa, yea...

She was disco lights on a Friday night
She moves across the floor
(Sugar)
She was oh so tight like dynamite
Blowin' me up with her love
She was on the floor with me all night long
(Yea)
I just can't get enough
She was uh-uh-oh, uh-uh-oh
Blowin' me up with her love

She leaned against the doorjamb and continued to listen. “Well, now that’s a sound I haven’t heard before,” she said when it was finished.

JC jumped slightly in his chair and turned around to look at her. “You don’t like it,” he questioned.

“No, I don’t like it at,” she said with a shake to her head as she walked over and sat in his lap.

“What’s wrong with it,” he asked as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Oh, nothing’s wrong with it,” she replied.

“But you said you didn’t like it.”

“That’s right. I don’t like it,” she paused. “I love it,” she continued with a grin.

“Woman, you just about gave me a heart attack,” he said with an exasperated tone.

“Yeah, I know,” she replied as she captured his lips and kissed him deeply.

“What was that for,” he asked breathlessly when they broke their embrace.

“Because I missed you. Now what’s going to happen with it?”

“Well, once Dallas gets the final mix done, we’re going to get the radio stations to play it. You had a great idea, thank you for pushing me to do this,” he answered.

“You’re welcome. Um,”, she started but stopped wanting to choose the right words.

“What?”

“Not trying to ruin your good mood, which might I add I’ve missed, but have you talked with Justin since you left,” she asked.

He took a breath. “No, not yet. I need to call him today and apologize to him. I shouldn’t have taken out my anger and frustration with the record company on him. You and he were right, it’s my battle to fight, not his, and I shouldn’t have brought him into the middle of it all.”

“Good, I’m glad you feel that way because he and Gen are going to be here this afternoon for a cookout.”

“How did you know I wasn’t still mad at him?”

“Because I know you had a lot of pent up anger and frustration and being the creative type person you are, going and seeing Dallas was going to relieve some of that stress.”

“You know what else would help me relieve my stress,” he replied with a seductive raise of his eyebrows.

“Yeah, that’s not going to happen,” she said with a smile and a kiss. “I swear, I’m beginning to think all you do is dream about sex all day long,” she exclaimed as she stood up and walked towards the door,

“Just about you,” he called out as she left the room. A line of lyric popped into his mind and he grabbed his notebook to write it down before he forgot it.

“Do you think they’re all right in there, they’re being awfully quiet,” Gen said later that afternoon as the two were preparing the food for dinner.

“I think it’s a good sign,” Amanda replied as she finished seasoning the pork tenderloin she was going to grill. She recapped her conversation with JC from earlier.

“Good. I was beginning to get worried they were going to really ruin their friendship over this.”

“Yeah, me too,” Amanda said as the two men joined the ladies in the kitchen. JC approached her from behind and wrapped his arms around her waist.

“What is that,” he questioned as she placed the meat into the rotisserie basket.

“Dinner. What else would it be,” she asked as she wiped her hands on a towel.

“Couldn’t we have ordered out?”

“No. You yourself said that you wanted someone that cooked. Well guess what, I’m her.”

“When did I say that,” he asked.

“Wal-Mart parking lot, then you kissed me, remember,” she replied. JC nodded his head. “Now, be a good man and go put this on the grill,” she said as she handed him their main course.

“J, we just got this installed the other week, come take a look,” JC said as he took the rotisserie assembly and headed out to the back patio. Amanda washed her hands, took the margarita Gen handed her and sat at the kitchen table. As she took a sip, she reached to her left knee and rubbed it absent mindedly.

“How’s the knee,” Gen asked as she walked over and sat next to her friend.

“Ok. PT kicked my butt today.”

“Are you going to need surgery?”
“Nah. It just usually bothers me after PT or if I step wrong or sleep wrong or stand too long. Recovery sucks,” she answered with a light laugh as the two guys came back in. “Did y’all have a good talk,” Amanda asked as Justin sat down with them.

“Yeah, I think we got everything straightened out,” Justin replied. “And I think with that song of his, he’ll convince everyone that he deserves his own album.”

“And we’ll see how much everyone likes it next week. Dallas and I are going out to LA next week and hit KIIS FM,” JC added as he grabbed a beer from the fridge.

“Oh, when are you leaving,” Amanda asked as she tried to hide the surprise in her voice.

“Wednesday or Thursday,” he said as he popped the cap off and took a long draw. “Can you come?”
“No, I don’t have any more time off from work. And if I did, I’d need more notice than a few days. Plus I’ve got PT.”

“Come on, please can’t you see if you can get out of it. I really want you to come to LA with me,” JC asked.

“No JC, we’ve discussed this already, I can not just drop everything on a whim to follow you places. I have a job. I now have PT to heal my knee. Any appointment I miss will put my recovery further behind. I only have another eight weeks with this job in sales to get back to a hundred percent so I can go back to doing my regular job or I may not have a job at all.”

“I don’t know why you’re working anyway. It’s not like I can’t support you,” he muttered.

“JC, we’ll talk about this later,” Amanda replied icily. She saw the uncomfortable looks passing between Justin and Gen. “We’ve got guests. Let’s not ruin this.”

“Fine,” JC said as he walked to the patio door. “I’ll check on dinner.” Justin followed him.

“You know, it may be easier if you didn’t work,” Gen said after Justin had closed the door.

“Gen, I can’t not work. I have to do something to keep me busy. I keep telling him but he doesn’t understand what it’s like to have a normal job. For him, keeping busy is spending the day in the studio and when ever the fancy strikes him, heading off to New York or LA to work in a studio there or go to a radio station. I realize that’s his job, I just wish he would understand me staying in one place is part of mine,” she rambled. “It’s different with you and Justin. You can do your job on the road. I don’t know of many traveling four star hotels out there,” she finished with a half-hearted smile.

“I don’t know what to say. I don’t know of anyone associated with a celebrity that has a normal job,” Gen replied.

“I know, I just don’t know how to be with him and not compromise my own dreams at the same time.” Amanda sighed as she gazed out the window to the patio.

“I don’t understand why she just doesn’t quit,” JC said to Justin as they stared out across the lake in front of them.

“Because you’ve never had a normal job,” Justin replied matter-of-factly.

JC laughed lightly. “What’s normal?”
“For her, it’s a nine to five desk job. For you it’s jetting off to the next party or event or producer or whatever to create or pimp your craft.”

“But she would have so much fun if she came along.”

“I don’t know if for her our lifestyle is what she’d consider fun or productive. If she quits and travels with you, what’s she going to do all day while you’re in the studio or at an event or doing interviews? Shop? She’s not like Gen, I don’t think she’s not going to be happy unless she’s working full time.”

JC took a sip of his beer. “What if I gave her a job?”

“What did you have in mind? Personal Assistant?”

JC smiled. “Actually, that’s not a bad idea. I need someone to keep my life straight, especially if this whole album thing kicks off like I hope it will,” his voice trailed off.

“Man, that’s so not a good idea,” Justin replied with a shake of his head.

“Why not? It’ll give her something to do. We can travel together. I think it’s perfect.” He closed the lid of the grill and walked back inside.

Amanda looked up from her conversation with Gen and furrowed her brow when she saw the excited grin on JC’s face.

“So I had an idea,” JC said as he pulled up a chair to Amanda.

“Ok,” she said drawing out each syllable. Something about his smile and manner made her uneasy.

“So, I need an assistant,” JC said excitedly.

“And where does a celebrity find an assistant,” Amanda asked curiously.

“Well, I’m hoping right in front of me,” he answered with a bright smile. Amanda didn’t say a word. “Think about it, who better to run my life, my schedule, make travel plans, than someone that’s in my life twenty-four/seven and has your background. I know you’re smart, so you’d be good with the expense stuff as well.” He paused to take a breath. “So, what do you say?”

Amanda paused for a moment before speaking. “I think that’s something we need to talk about when we don’t have guests,” she replied diplomatically before standing up and walking to the kitchen island.

Justin leaned over and whispered softly, “Dawg, I so told you that was not a good idea.” JC shot him an evil look as he took a draw from his beer.

Despite the tension that remained after the conversation, the two couples had a good time that evening.

* * * * *

“Come in,” she said when there was a knock on her door later that night. She didn’t turn around as she picked up another tee-shirt to fold.

“Hey babe, you coming to bed soon,” she heard JC ask as he entered the room. “What are you doing,” he asked with confusion in his voice as he surveyed the open suitcase next to the bed and saw her place the yellow shirt she had folded into the suitcase.

“My physical therapist said it’s ok for me to climb steps on a regular basis so I think it’s time for me to go back to my apartment,” she said calmly as she turned to face him. She saw the puzzled look on his face as he stood just in the doorway dressed in a tee-shirt and plaid pajama bottoms.

“I don’t understand,” he said with hurt evident in his voice. “Does this have anything to do with what happened to us earlier?”

Amanda bowed her head slightly. She couldn’t take the hurt she saw in his eyes, “Not fully. I just think we need a bit of space,” she tried to explain.

“What does that even mean? We live in a house with thousands of square feet. How much more space do you need?” He was trying his best not to raise his voice.

“JC, you knew this was temporary until I got back on my feet,” she said as she sat down on the edge of the bed. “And I haven’t been able to talk with my family in a month because every time I call, my mom hangs up on my when I say I’m still living here.”

“So once again this is about your mother,” JC stated with agitation as he leaned against the wall and crossed his arms across his chest.

“Partly.”
“Seems more than just partly to me. That woman is going to continue to run your life if you let her,” he replied with anger tingeing his voice.

“JC, this isn’t about my mom. It’s my dad, my grandparents. None of them can or will talk with me. And I miss them. I also need you to understand and realize that I am who I am. Offering me a job working for you was way out of line. It hurt and made me feel cheap.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t feel like you value me for who I am,” she replied. “You still haven’t gotten it, have you? I need to, want to work. I want to feel like I’m a contributing, productive member of society, not someone riding the coat tails of another. I can’t just follow you around from city to city and sit in hotel rooms watching soap operas while popping bon bons all day.”

“I don’t know what to say to that other than I want to show you my world. I want to travel with you. I want to show you some of the sites I’ve seen. I want you to be near me.”

“I get that JC, I do, and if you give me enough notice, I can work something out at work. But I can’t just go and drop everything to fly to LA on a weeks notice.” She paused. “And I want to date.”

JC felt like the wind was knocked out of him. “So you’re breaking up with me,” he replied hoarsely.

Amanda furrowed her brow. “Huh? Why is it every time we have a discussion that doesn’t go the way you want it do you think I’m trying to break up with you. Are you that insecure about how I feel about you?”

“You were the one that said you want to ‘date’,” JC replied tearsley.

“Yes, I want to date you,” she replied with a light smile as relief washed over his face. “Jace, think about our time together, we’ve had one actual date. ”

“But we do go out, we went out to dinner and a move just a few days ago,” he pointed out.

“Yeah, a ‘hey, you didn’t go to the store so we don’t have anything to cook for dinner so let’s go eat at the pizza place and while we’re there, we’ll decide to catch a movie’ outing. I want dates. I want to schedule something, have the two of us dress up, you pick me up at my place, possibly with a nice bouquet of flowers, and go out to dinner or the movies or a show or something like that. I want wooing. But due to circumstances, we’ve fallen into this semi-quasi cohabitation thing.” She took a breath. “And while I’m enjoying playing house with you, I really wonder if we’ve skipped important steps to build a good foundation to our relationship.”

“So you’re doubting our relationship?”

“No, I’m not saying that. I’ve never done this before. And I want to be sure we’re doing this right so we’re not doubting ourselves next year or in five years.”

“I don’t understand. I love you, that’s all I need to know.”

“And I love you too, please don’t hear this as I don’t. But we need to be sure our lives are compatible. If we hadn’t been in that accident, I don’t know that you’d understand my relationship with my mother. And right now that’s a bit of a bone of contention between us.”

“So? That’s your mother, not us.”

“Yeah, but I am the way I am because of her. This drive to be successful, to work my ass off, comes from wanting to get out of her house as quickly as possible. And that’s another thing. I can’t keep fighting with you over traveling and work. I’ve got to have you understand that I have to work. It’s part of who I am, and if you can’t understand and respect that, then we’re not going to make it.”

“Am I such a bad person that I want to be near the woman I love, to share with her my life?”

“No, you’re not. But you’re not being supportive with all the comments about the ability to financially support me. I get it, you’re rich. Hell, with the money I spent on concert tickets, CD’s and merchandise, I’ve probably bought a light fixture in this house,” she replied with a halfhearted attempt at humor. “But look at what I have agreed to. I’m only going to work one job with no overtime. You’ve bought me the car to replace mine. You pay when we go out. I’m letting go. I’m adjusting. I just don’t know how much more I can bend now with out breaking.”

“So you’re leaving,” he asked sadly.

“I’m going to where we would be if we hadn’t been in that accident,” she answered as she crossed the room and stood in front of him. She looked imploringly into his eyes.

He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “When are you leaving?”

“When I get home from work tomorrow,” she answered as she continued to look at him. He still had his arms crossed over his chest but the tension in his body had lessened. She took his hands in hers and uncrossed his arms. She took a step closer and cupped his face with her hands. She could see the pain and confusion in his eyes. “We’re going to be alright. I just need this.”

He rested his hands on her hips. He gave them a light squeeze as he pulled her to him and rested his forehead on hers. He breathed in the scent of her hair. It, combined with the light perfume she always wore, always had a calming effect for him. “I’m not happy about this. But if it’s what you need, I can’t stand in your way. And I don’t know how I’m going to sleep without you next to me,” he said finally and brushed his lips against her skin.

The corners of her lips turned up slightly. “I know. I’m going to miss that too,” she said. She placed her lips softly on his and buried her fingers in his curls. JC wrapped an arm around her back and rested it just under the hem of her shirt and slid the other to the back of her neck. He pulled her tight against him as he teased her lips with the tip of his tongue. As she let out a light moan when he ran his hand under her shirt and grazed her smooth skin lightly with his fingers, he caressed the tip of her tongue through her parted lips. She opened herself fully to his exploration and pressed herself completely against him. They kissed with passion. They kissed with urgency. They kissed with a sense of loss.

“Please don’t go,” he whispered in her ear as he kissed and nipped at the pulse point on her neck.

“I have to, for us,” she replied breathlessly just before he picked her up and carried her to the bed.

“Then I get one more night with you,” he said as he threw back the covers and laid her on the bed. He climbed in next to her and pulled her close. She turned out the light and they continued to kiss and caress till they fell asleep.

* * * * *

JC helped her pack her car the next evening. Not everything fit into the Mercedes convertible he had bought for her and he ended up bringing the rest over in his Jeep.

“You know, these don’t look as good as they did in my closet,” he said lightly as he helped hang her clothing in her closet. “Sure you want to deprive them of living in a handcrafted closet?” The clothes Gen had got her in New York had been delivered to JC’s house shortly after they came back from Miami. Amanda had to commend Gen’s choices; she had good taste and knew what would work well with her body. As much as she hated to admit it, she had been enjoying wearing the designer clothes over the past month.

“Yes, because clothes really care where they’re hanging.” She began arranging the shoes on the floor.

“Well, I think they do,” he said as he held the sleeve of a purple top to his ear. “Um hmmm, yes, I hear you. I totally agree you should be living at my house. Yes, I know this is a down grade. Yeah, yeah, ok, I’m trying,” he finished. He looked at Amanda. “Purple blouse says she will commit fashion suicide if you make her live here.” Amanda just shook her head at him. He threw up his arms in defense. “Hey, her words, not mine,” he replied with a smile before reaching out and pulling Amanda towards him. A serious expression passed over his face. “Are you sure about this?”

Amanda took a deep breath. No, she wasn’t sure. But she also wasn’t sure staying at JC’s was the answer either. She didn’t want to be alone in the apartment. She knew already she was going to miss his companionship. She was enjoying coming home to someone after along days work. But she also felt they were moving too quickly. She wanted to slow down and not get any deeper than they already had. They were getting more and more intimate every day and she was finding it very hard to stop things before they went too far. While he never expressed it to her, she saw and felt JC’s frustration when they put on the brakes. She hoped living in separate households would ease their temptations. She looked at him and nodded. “We’re almost finished. Do you want to order pizza or something,” she asked as she hung up the pair of jeans JC handed her.

“Sure,” he said as they exited the closet. “I’ll go rent a movie.” He pulled his keys from his pocked and grabbed Podge’s leash. The puppy jumped up from her bed in the corner when she heard him pick the leash up.

As he walked out the door, she quickly logged online and placed their usual order. She then picked up the phone and stared at the number pad. Eleven digits, that’s all she had to dial. Eleven digits was all that stood between her and her family. She wanted to talk to her dad. She missed him and their conversations. Of everyone in the world, he was the one that understood her the most. She dialed the numbers and began counting the rings. One… Two… Three…

“Hello,” her mother’s voice came across the line.

“Hi mom,” she replied softly. “How are you?” She held her breath as she waited for her mother’s answer. All she heard was silence for ten seconds. “I just wanted to let you know that PT’s released me to climb stairs and I’ve moved back into my apartment. So anytime you want to talk, you can call me here now, too.” She waited. Again, more silence. Tears streamed down her cheeks but she didn’t allow her voice to crack. “And, in case you’re wondering, your daughter’s virtue is still intact. I’ve kept my promise as I told you I would.” More silence from her mother. Amanda could barely keep the tears out of her voice. “So um, give my love to everyone and I hope to talk to you soon.” She paused for several seconds before she hung up the phone and threw it forcefully into the couch. She had done it. She went crawling back to her mother as she always did. And this time she felt worse than she ever had.

It's been a while, to put it mildly. I'm sorry for such a long wait. Hopefully it won't happen again. Thanks for taking the time to read. -me

Chapter 27

   When JC returned from the video store, he found her on the couch crying uncontrollably. He gathered her in his arms and held her tightly as he tried to quell the sobs that so violently shook her body. “What happened,” he asked softly when he detected a break in the crying.

   Amanda blew her nose in the Kleenex he had offered. “She didn’t say a word when I called. Not a single fucking word,” she replied before she broke into tears again. He continued to sit with her, holding her tightly, stroking her back and hair as he whispered words and phrases he hoped would make her feel better. The pizza came but was left untouched as he continued to sit and hold her while she let out all the emotions she’d been bottling up for so long. Soon her sobs turned to quiet tears that eventually subsided when she succumbed to exhaustion. JC carried her to bed and covered her with a spare blanket he found in the closet.

   As he sat down on the couch and turned on the TV, he exhaled a deep breath. He was worried about her. He knew first hand how being cut off from her family had taken its toll and changed her. She wasn’t the same girl from this summer, from the beach. Her smiles never reached her eyes anymore. Her laugh always seemed forced. She was quieter – no longer humming or singing along to the radio or talking back to the characters on TV. She put up a happy exterior but he could still see and feel her sadness. Every now and again he saw glimpses of the old Amanda, but those glimpses were fleeting. He didn’t agree with her moving back to her apartment just to please her mother but acquiesced hoping the rift would be mended and the old Amanda would be back. Now that her mother was still rejecting her, he wasn’t sure what he could do to help bring her around.

   “Jace,” he heard softly at his side. He opened his eyes to find Amanda sitting on the floor next to him. He blinked several times to clear the sleep from his eyes. He glanced at the TV and saw an infomercial touting the supposed wonders of some new super food chopper.

   “Hey, what time is it,” he said sleepily as he leaned over the edge of the couch and kissed her forehead.

   “It’s after one. I’m sorry I fell asleep,” she replied quietly. Though she had been asleep for hours, she was still exhausted from the emotional outpouring. She felt completely drained, emotionally, physically, mentally. She rested her head against the edge of the couch for support and leaned into JC’s soft touch as he ran a finger over her cheek.

   JC could see she had been crying again. Her green eyes were dark, dull and red rimmed. He longed for them to sparkle again. “It’s ok. Is there anything I can do,” he asked as he slid off the couch and sat on the floor next to her. He draped one arm across her shoulders and took one of her hands in his. She immediately settled her head against his shoulder and interlaced her fingers with his.

   “You’re doing it right now by holding me,” she whispered softly. They sat in silence for several minutes. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I hate how I feel right now. I hate how I am any more. I don’t know why my mother’s approval means so much to me,” she said finally.

   He thought for several seconds before choosing his words carefully. “I don’t know how to help you with this.”

   She sighed. “I don’t know how to help me either.” They sat in reflective silence.

   “Have you thought of talking to a counselor,” JC asked tentatively as he watched Hodge climb into her mistress’ lap and curl up into a tight, purring ball. Amanda ran her free hand over the kitten’s smooth, soft coat. Hodge began purring even louder at the loving touch.

   “It’s crossed my mind before.” She paused for a moment. “I just don’t know how comfortable I would be talking about this to a total stranger,” she said truthfully.

   “The sagest advice often comes from those with no personal connection to the situation,” JC replied quickly.

   “Who said that?”

   “My mom when she encouraged me to go talk to someone about working through some issues I had a few years ago.”

   “You haven’t mentioned that before.”

   “It’s something I’ve only shared with those closest to me,” he said before brushing his lips lightly across her temple.

   They were silent for several more minutes. Amanda thought over the suggestion. She knew she needed to talk with someone. She just didn’t know who or how to go about finding someone she could trust. “Did it help?”

   “Yes, it did. I don’t know if I could have worked through what I was feeling with out help.” He waited a moment. “Would you like to go talk to Dr. Beason?”

   Amanda was quiet as she thought. “Can I think about it?” She looked at JC. He could see she was searching, asking for his approval.

   “Absolutely.” His heart hurt at the pain he saw in her eyes. “I’ll support you whatever you decide.”

   Fresh tears pooled in her eyes and threatened to spill over. “I love you.”

   “I love you too,” he answered before bringing his lips against hers. The kiss was soft, caring, comforting, full of compassion. “I need to get going,” he said moments later. “You need more sleep if you’re going to make it at work tomorrow.”

   Amanda didn’t move from him. “I’ve already called in sick. Will you stay with me?”

   “Yes,” he said as they stood up and turned out the lights in the living room. He stripped down to his tee shirt and boxers before climbing into bed next to Amanda and pulling her tightly against him. Podge jumped into bed and settled at their feet. Hodge curled up against Amanda’s waist. Within minutes, everyone was sleeping soundly and didn’t stir until late the next morning.

*   *   *   *   *

   “You have nothing to be afraid of,” JC said as he placed his hand on Amanda’s bouncing leg. They were sitting in a well decorated waiting room in one of the downtown skyscrapers. She had almost walked out when she saw the dark wood, rich leather and priceless antiques as they stepped into Dr. Beason’s office. “JC, I can’t afford this,” she whispered softly as she turned to leave.

   JC placed his hands on her shoulders gently. “Don’t worry about it. It’s taken care of,” he reassured before giving them a light squeeze. Amanda knew that was his way of saying he was paying for it. Her shoulders fell an inch. She added another item on her list of things to talk to Dr. Beason about, that is if she liked him. JC walked over and pressed a button on a panel next to the door to Dr. Beason’s office.   She slumped into one of the deep leather chairs and waited.

   “Stop fidgeting,” JC said again as he placed his hand again on her leg.

   “Sorry.” She didn’t know why she was so terrified to be doing this. She knew she needed to talk with someone. She was a bundle of emotions, depression, anger, frustration, helplessness, anxiety. At first, she had been able to keep them in control. But for the past several days since the phone call to her mother, they were much closer to the surface. She had a tenuous grasp on them at best and there were times it took all her willpower not to break down and cry at something as simple as the lead on her pencil breaking. To most of her coworkers and acquaintances, she was nearly the same Amanda they knew just a bit quieter than normal. However, to those close to her, especially JC, they could see how fiercely she was fighting for control over her emotions.

   JC felt her leg stop bouncing instantly when the door to their right opened. “See you next week,” a thirty-something, dark haired, bespectacled, well dressed man said as he walked through the door before closing it. He acknowledged the couple with a slight nod before leaving the waiting room.

   Amanda stood. “Not yet,” JC said as he took her hand and pulled her gently back into the chair. Her leg immediately started to bounce again and she began chewing on her bottom lip. JC didn’t say anything to her.

   “How do you know?”

   “The green light isn’t on,” he said as he pointed to the red light on the panel next to the door.

   Just as she located the red light it blinked off and a green light underneath lit up. Amanda froze again. She sat in the chair and stared at the door. “I don’t know if I can do this,” she whispered. All the reasons why she should flooded her mind and were quickly followed by rationalizations as to why this was a bad idea. Why was she having such a hard time with this?

   JC placed his hand at the base of her neck and rubbed it lightly. “It’s ok, you don’t have to talk about the serious stuff today.”

   Amanda turned and looked at him. “I don’t?” She didn’t know why she was being so childish about this all of a sudden. She knew she needed this.

   JC shook his head. “We talked about basketball during my first session.” He stood up and pulled her with him. Turning to face her, he took her face in his hands. “If you don’t like Dr. Beason, you don’t have to come back.”

   She saw the concern in his eyes. She knew he was worried and concerned. She knew if she continued to feel this way, she was going to put their relationship in jeopardy. “Ok,” she said as she touched her forehead to his. She took two deep breaths, inhaling his scent that was a mixture of soap and aftershave lotion. “I’ll see you in an hour,” he said as he brushed his lips against hers before turning and leaving the room.

   She turned and faced the door to Dr. Beason’s office and stared. You can do this, she said to herself. She took one tentative step after another and crossed the room in what felt to her like an eternity. She opened the door and stepped in quietly. “Hello,” she said in a voice barely above a whisper.

   “Go ahead and have a seat. Would you care for something to drink,” a voice from another room called out.

   “Um,” Amanda started, “Do you have bottled water?”

   “Sure, sparkling or flat?”

   “Flat, please,” she answered as she made her way to a black leather couch. As she sat and waited, she took in the décor. It was an extension of the dark wood and leather of the waiting room. As she surveyed, she saw a glimpse of the private office. It was a complete antithesis of the room she was sitting in. From her vantage point, she saw bright, cheerful light yellow walls and a floral print chair. Her leg started to bounce again. She stood and walked around the back of the couch and studied a framed photograph of the New York skyline.

   “Here you go,” the same voice from before said. Amanda jumped slightly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

   Amanda turned and tried to hide her surprise at the person on the other side of the couch. The figure standing in front of her appeared to be about her own age. JC must have been a patient more recently than I thought. “That’s ok. I couldn’t sit still,” she said as she walked back to the front of the couch and sat down. Dr. Beason sat in a leather wingback chair across from her. “I’m just a bit nervous Dr. Beason.”

   Dr. Beason smiled. “A lot of people are their first time here. And you can call me Caroline if you prefer. Before we really start talking, I’ve got a few questions to ask for your file.”

   “OK,” Amanda said. She took this time while Dr. Beason had her head bowed and concentrating on the clipboard in her hands to study the woman sitting across from her. There is something about her that is a bit off, she thought as she examined the red high heels. She thought the shoes were a very bold choice for a therapist.

   As Dr. Beason asked her questions and Amanda answered, her eyes moved up from the shoes to the very long, tan, bare legs. The legs disappeared finally under a black skirt - a skirt that was a bit too tight and rode up a bit too far. The white blouse was almost acceptable, except, like the skirt, it too was a bit tight. The neckline was very revealing with the top three buttons left undone. She could easily see the swell of the doctor’s breasts and a hint of the lace that covered them. The chunky red necklace matched the shoes and in any other setting, she would have thought they were a suitable choice. Bold red lipstick covered full lips. Smokey eyes were hidden by dark, conservative frames. Jet black hair was piled into a loose bun at the crown of her head. Wispy tendrils framed the face.

   She’s trying too hard, Amanda thought as she continued to answer Dr. Beason’s questions. It struck her then how out of place Dr. Beason seemed in her own office. The office was overly masculine with the dark leather furniture, mahogany bookshelves laden with medical journals, rare books and models of sailboats lining the walls, green banker’s lamps, an antique parchment and wood globe, and a beautifully carved grandfather clock ticking away the seconds of the day.

   “Amanda,” Dr. Beason asked. “Did you hear me?”

   Amanda snapped out of her thoughts. “I’m sorry, what was the question?”

   “I asked how you heard about me,” Dr. Beason repeated her question.

   “My boyfriend is a former patient and recommended you,” she answered.

   “Great. What’s his name? I would like to send him a little token of gratitude for recommending me.”

   “JC Chasez,” Amanda answered. A sly smile spread across the doctor’s face. Amanda gave her a puzzled look.

   “Oh, he wasn’t a patient of mine.”

   Amanda was more confused. “We must have gotten the wrong Dr. Beason. Which is really weird since he knew exactly where your office was and how the light system worked. It’s like he’s been here.”

   Dr. Beason uncrossed her legs and recrossed them in the other direction. The skirt shifted up another half inch. She didn’t attempt to adjust the black cloth. “He has, but I couldn’t have treated Josh. It would have been a conflict of interest provided I had been old enough to have my license.”

   “Ok, now I’m really confused.”

   “Josh was treated by my father. Well, until it became a conflict of interested for him.”     It was with that tone dripping with condescension that it hit Amanda like a freight train – the reason why everything didn’t add up. “How long have you been running your father’s practice?”

   Dr. Beason lifted her chin a bit and peered down her nose at Amanda. “For about a year now.”

   “And the conflict of interest - you and JC dated?”

   “Yes, Josh and I did. We were each other’s first...” She gave a pause, “…love.”

   Amanda shook her head slightly at the confession. She settled back into the couch and crossed her own jean clad legs as she folded her arms across her chest. “So Caroline, how about them Yankees?”

   One of Dr. Beason’s over plucked but well penciled eyebrows popped up into a perfect arch. “Did you really come here to talk about baseball?”

   “Given our conflict of interest, I’m not sure what else we could talk about.”

   “I see your point. Give Josh my love?” Dr. Beason batted her eyelashes.

   “Don’t worry, I won’t,” Amanda said as she stood and walked out the door.

   She was standing at a crosswalk waiting for traffic to stop when she saw JC on the opposite side of the street. He saw her at the same time and looked at his watch. It had been less than twenty minutes and he knew she shouldn’t have been out of her session. He waited for her to cross the street.

   “What happened,” he asked when she was in ear shot.

   “Nothing,” she said as she walked passed him. She stopped and turned trying to get her bearings. “Where did we park?”

   JC pointed her in the right direction and she took off at a determined pace. “Did you talk about basketball?”

   Amanda spun on her heels and looked at him. He saw the fire in her eyes and knew there was trouble. “No, we did not talk about basketball.” She said in a clipped tone. “We couldn’t talk about anything because it would have been a conflict of interest.”

   “What do you mean by ‘conflict of interest’?”

   “Caroline.” Amanda watched as JC groaned inwardly and visibly paled.

   “I didn’t think he could bring her up.”

   “He didn’t, Caroline did,” she corrected as she stabbed the cross walk button at the next intersection. She turned and faced JC and saw the confused expression on his face. “Yeah, by the way, Dr. Gerald Beason isn’t practicing any more and Dr. Caroline Beason has taken over his patients.” Surprise crossed his facial features. “Yeah, didn’t know that tidbit did you?”

   The walk symbol appeared and Amanda crossed the intersection. “Wait,” she heard JC call from behind her. He caught her elbow and made her face him. “I didn’t know, honest. I wouldn’t have set up the appointment if I knew he had retired. This is not something you should be mad at me about.” She could see the sincerity in his face. For a brief moment, the anger left until she reminded herself he was the one that choose Dr. Beason despite his history with Caroline and her father.

   “JC, understand this. I’m not upset you didn’t know Dr. Beason had retired. Stuff like that happens, and that’s fine. I’m hurt that you sent me to see your ex-lover’s father, to a person who could not give me the objective advice and guidance I need right now.” She turned around and continued down the block. Her pace quickened when she heard a rumble of thunder.

   JC caught up with her and took hold of her elbow again. “Will you please stop walking away from me so we can talk,” he demanded.

   Amanda pulled her arm back to her side. “I’m so angry right now I don’t know what else to say. I just need to get out of here.” She stepped to the side and continued on down the block. She wasn’t sure where she was going. She took a left at the next intersection. As she turned in a circle to once again try and get her bearings, she felt two wet drops hit her skin. She quickened her pace. She could hear JC calling her name but ignored him. It was when she could barely hear him that she realized she had started to run. It felt good - the burning in her lungs and legs as she exerted herself. She knew she was going to pay for it the next few days and her physical therapist was going to give her hell when he found out, but she had to get away from JC. She couldn’t deal with him right now. She couldn’t deal with anyone right now. All she wanted to do was find a rock to hide under.

   As she crossed another intersection, the Florida sky opened above her and unleashed one of its notorious afternoon downpours. Amanda stood there, arms out to her side, face and palms turned towards the say. “Seriously, you couldn’t have waited five minutes,” she yelled to the sky, warm tears mixed with cool rain sliding down her cheeks. She stood there, crying at the sky until the driver of the car she was blocking angrily beeped the horn at her. She quickly moved to the sidewalk and sat with her back against a building.

   It was when a shadow fell across her face that she realized it had stopped raining. As quickly as it had started, the rainstorm had ended - typical for Central Florida. She looked up at the person casting the shadow. “I don’t want to talk to you right now,” she said as she stood up and brushed past her boyfriend. He grabbed her arm to keep her from leaving.

   “This isn’t just about what you want. What about what I want?” His voice was raised. She was taken aback slightly by the anger in his voice.

   “JC, I know what you want, me, but I can’t give you that right now.” Her voice was raised as well.

   “Why not?”

   “Because I’m so turned around right now I can’t think straight.”

   “I love you, that’s all that matters. We’ll figure the rest out.”

   “And I can’t love you fully because I don’t love myself. And it’s not all about love. Other things matter. My family matters.”

   “Your family has turned their back on you. How is that love?”

   “They’ve turned their back on me because of you.”

   “So this is my fault?”

   “YES! If I had never met you, I wouldn’t be in this mess,” she practically screamed. And as the last word left her mouth, she instantly regretted what she said. But they were out there and there was no taking them back. They hung in the air between them as they stood there, staring at the other, oblivious to the crowd that had formed around them. And as much as she regretted saying the words like she did, regretted seeing the pain and anger in JC’s face, she felt a burden lifted from her shoulders. It was in those few moments before he spoke again that she realize how much she’d been blaming him for her problems.

   JC took a step back. His head was spinning. He couldn’t believe the words he was hearing. He had never expected her to blame him. But she did and in hearing those words, JC felt his heart break. “I love you, but I can’t do this any more. I can’t be in a one sided relationship. I quit,” he said quietly before he turned and pushed his way through the crowd.