I’ve never been graceful. Never. I don’t think there has ever been a time where I could walk into a room and not do something stupid and absolutely embarrassing enough to make me want to hide under a rock for the rest of my existence. My first day of kindergarten I tripped and knocked all the paints down, ruining Natalie Millar’s pretty white dress her mother just bought her. Needless to say, Natalie Millar was never my friend. She held onto that grudge all through high school. I haven’t seen her in seven years, but I’m pretty sure if I were to see her again she’d still hate me.

         It didn’t stop in kindergarten though, in kindergarten it’s kind of expected, adorable even, but not so much as you grow older than that. On my first day of high school my locker got stuck so I had to pull it open. To a normal person that would be the end of the story, but I’m far from normal.  For me, Melanie Tripp, that was just the beginning. I pulled the locker so hard it flung open, hitting me in the face giving me a bloody nose and a chipped tooth. I spent the first month of high school with a swollen nose, not even to mention the trail of blood from my locker to the nurse’s office.

         My last name is Tripp; I was cursed from the beginning. I learned early on that it’s better to just blend in as much as I can. I was never the popular girl, far from it in fact. People never knew I existed. I’m that girl during your high school graduation that everyone tries to figure out who I am or when I came to school when they call my name and I walk across the stage. Or in my case, trip and fall across the stage and into the pit with the band, or into the tuba as the case was.  Yeah, I’m that girl.

         I should be used to it by now, I should either have figured out a way to get around the whole universe hating me thing, or at least find a way to embrace it, but I hardly do.  It’s not really my fault, its just life. I need to get over it.  My life is not exactly something out of a storybook; more like something out of those weird novels that you feel so bad for the girl it makes you feel better about yourself. It’s kind of like Eminem, people listen to his music because it makes you realize that your life isn’t that shitty, it could be a hell of a lot worse.

         Forget about Eminem, this is my life. This is the reason why I’m so weird and crazy and people don’t even notice me. I’m trying to go grocery shopping and I’m thinking about Eminem and how hard his life is. That’s bullshit; he’s doing just fine. I need to focus on the simple things in life, like walking without falling and knocking all the cans of corn down.

         I’m twenty-five and have yet to be kissed, or even close to kissed. It’s not like I care about it that much, except I’m pretty sure my whole family thinks I’m a lesbian. I don’t know how the fact that I haven’t had a boyfriend makes me a lesbian; I haven’t had a girlfriend either. Not that I find anything wrong with it, but it’s just not for me. I’m all for the guys, I just haven’t found one that can look past the tripping and breaking my bones to actually be interested in me. Not even to mention how awkward I am around men in general.

         There is a guy though that I’m pretty sure I’m in love with. Granted, I’ve never been in love, but this guy is like… he’s like the kind of guy I could fall in love with. I mean, I’m sure it would work out a lot better if I actually said a word to him. Or if he actually talked to me, besides the occasional “Hey, can I borrow a pen?” but I think we’re making steps. Baby steps. I definitely need to take baby steps. 

 His name is Justin Timberlake and he works in the same graphic design office I do. In fact, his desk is right next to mine, talk about luck. Except there’s the simple fact that he doesn’t even know I exist. Or even if he did he wouldn’t want anything to do with me. He’s way too hot for me, first of all. He has curly brown hair, cut into a faux hawk thing. Right, he’s cool too; I’m totally not cool. He wears jeans to work with button down shirts that are not tucked in and a thin tie. He’s very stylish and I’m not even close to being stylish. 

         Then there’s me. I have plain brown frizzy hair, plain brown eyes and small gaps in my teeth that I get food stuck in all the time. His teeth are perfect, for the record, and he has the most beautiful blue eyes.  I wear long skirts or dress pants and blouses because I’m not exactly comfortable with my body.  He’s definitely comfortable with his, and his girlfriends for that matter. Yeah, there’s that speed bump, that giggly blonde that comes in and meets him for lunch. She’s the kind of girl I wish I was. She wears sundresses and looks adorable. I wish I could hate her but she’s too perfect to hate. I haven’t seen her around in awhile though; I wouldn’t be surprised if they broke up. She used to come every single day for lunch but she hasn’t been around in almost a month. Once again, I need to take baby steps with that whole thing. I’m kind of like living in a dream world where he’s in love with me too, in my head that is.

         Speaking of baby steps, I’m walking down the aisles too fast and I’m pretty sure I just walked past the frozen pizzas. I turned around, nearly knocking a carriage over; it’s not really a surprise, that’s what happens when I move.  “Sorry,” I apologized softly before grabbing a couple of pepperoni pizzas and throwing them in my carriage.

         I just hate social situations, which obviously doesn’t help with the whole dating thing. I get nervous, and awkward and obviously I trip or hurt someone by accident. I’ve decided it’s much easier to just stay out of those situations all together. My mother was really worried a few years ago and made me go see a therapist. 

 I thought therapists weren’t supposed to label their patients but Dr. Label McLabels off Newberry Street had no problem labeling me after the first session. She said I’m a psychopath, or that I have psychopathic tendencies. Yeah, what the fuck is that about? Like I’m supposed to just sit there and listen to that shit. Well, I did just sit there and listen to it because I’m too quiet to actually fight with someone I hardly know, but in my head… oh in my head, I was planning on going home and getting a voodoo doll for her.

         Instead, I went home and googled what a psychopath is. OK, antisocial, I get that. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m antisocial, but seriously I don’t think anyone can blame me. Every time I try to do something even slightly social, like I don’t know, go to the grocery store, I somehow manage to make a complete fool out of myself. But a psychopath is like someone who goes crazy and is like perverted or aggressive. I’m so not either of those. Whatever, I’m pretty sure going to the therapist gave me more issues.

OK, I need to focus on the shopping while I’m here. I need cat food, and I want potato skins.  I need to make it back home in time for the new 90210 show. I realize I’m probably too old to like it, but I loved the original and the new one is one of my guilty pleasures. Anyway, I’m already cutting it close since I stayed a little late to finish my project.  I definitely wouldn’t have come here today but I’ve been putting it off and have just about no more food left. Plus, the pizza deliveryman is starting to think I’m crazy, which I guess I technically am, or a psychopath… whatever floats your boat.

All right, focus Melanie. Cat food is on the other end of the store. That means I need to turn quick and…

“Ow, fuck!” shit, I definitely just crammed my carriage into the back of someone’s heel. “Watch where you’re going, dammit, did you not see me here?”

The more he talked the more I recognized the voice. Oh shit, when he turned around I saw my thoughts were correct, Justin fucking Timberlake, the man I work with and am secretly in love with. “Sorry,” I answered softly feeling my face turn red.

“Yeah, you’re sorry.” He has every right to be pissed. I really hurt him. I can’t think of anything else to say so I’m just going to turn around and walk away quickly. OK, stop. There’s peanut butter here, I can’t go by it and then come back and look like a complete moron in front of him. Although, I’m pretty sure I already look like a complete moron. He doesn’t even know who I am, I’ve been working with him for a year and he doesn’t recognize me. I guess that’s a good thing, I don’t want him bringing this up at work tomorrow.

I grabbed a jar off the top shelf just to have two other jars fall from the shelf. I tried to catch them but lost my balance and instead I landed on the ground with each of the jars hitting me on the same place of my head one after the other. It wasn’t even my fault, somebody didn’t put those jars up the right way, and they were balancing on each other.  I was set up for disaster.

 I just really hope that Justin managed to wobble away before seeing me make that huge, embarrassing spill. Of course, my life doesn’t go that way. I heard his laugh, that unmistakable laugh, and opened my eyes to see him standing over me. “Are you alright? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh. You just really… I’m sorry, are you all right? Can I help you up?”

“I’m fine.” I stood up before grabbing the jars of peanut butter that were now on the ground. Please go away. I reached up to put them back, but I swear the universe is against me and another few jars began to wobble.

“Shit,” he laughed, reaching up to steady the jars, “You should probably just back away. I’m sorry I’m laughing. It’s not funny. Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Yeah.”

“It just came, right down,” he stopped to laugh, “And the way you fell… I’m sorry, it’s not funny. But then you go to put them back and they start to fall again…” he won’t stop laughing. That is never a good sign. I finally get him to talk to me and he’s retelling me the horrible story that I not only witnessed but fucking lived through.  “Hey wait, you work with me right? At Blue Luna?”

Oh great, just what I need. He actually recognizes me now, “Yeah, I think so.”

After one more quick laugh he walks back to his cart, “Alright, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. You might want to get some ice for that head. And careful with the top shelf next time, all right?” he asked with that sexy smile he has before walking off to the checkout lane. 

My life is just… amazing.

He strolls in every morning five minutes after nine, with his medium Dunkin Donuts iced coffee in his hand. It doesn’t matter if it’s the middle of the summer or the middle of the winter like it is now, he always has iced coffee. Casually, he places his coffee on his desk and shrugs off his jacket, placing it on the back of his chair instead of in the coatroom like everyone else. He sits down and turns his computer on before stretching his hands over his head and cracking his neck. I’m not a stalker; it’s just what happens every day.

But today, he does something he’s never done before. He takes a sip of his iced coffee and stands up, walking towards my desk. My heart beats in my throat and I turn my chair to my computer to look like I’m actually busy doing something instead of watching him. “Hey,” I hear his voice and force myself to look up. “How’s your head?”

I’m surprised that I actually managed to convince myself that he would forget about the disaster at the grocery store the night before. It amazes me that someone like Justin Timberlake never noticed me before, but now he does, to remember how I reached up for a jar of peanut butter and fell on my ass, with three jars falling on my head. Or, of course, how I crashed into him with my carriage before all that. “I’m fine, it was nothing.” I think that came out a little too hostile.

“OK, I’m sorry I was laughing, it was just…”

“It’s ok,” I turned my attention back to my computer so he’d leave me alone. Clearly, I don’t want him to leave me alone; I just want him to stop talking about yesterday. I’m already embarrassed enough, and it’s only a matter of time before I do something else to make him think I’m an even bigger loser. It’s not like it would be that difficult for me to do. I mean, he has to have noticed the hundreds of times I’ve tripped around the office, most of them happening to be right in front of his desk.

“Alright, I’ll…” I don’t think he finished his sentence before he walked away. I have a meeting with my boss in like twenty-three minutes and I need to figure out where all my paperwork is. My boss hates me; it’s not just me thinking he hates me like I think everyone hates me. This time he really does. I need to get everything organized because I’m pretty sure he’s close to firing me. It’s not exactly fair that he fires me, I know exactly what I’m doing and my work is very good. It’s just that when it’s time to do a presentation I get nervous and somehow manage to screw everything up. Kind of like how at my last presentation I tripped over my bag and grabbed onto the overhead screen to stop my fall. For future reference, those screens do not stop your fall. They come right down with you and ruin the presentation even more.

On a positive note, I don’t have to do a presentation today. I’m trying to finish up the logo for the new Red Sox bar and it looks good, I just don’t know where the hell I put it. The reason why he wants to meet with me is because he thinks I need extra help. I wish he would just get his own life and let me do what I need to do. He’s so arrogant and reminds me of Elaine’s boss Mr. Pitt on Seinfeld. I hate him. I know hate is a strong word, but it’s true.

I took a deep breath before I entered Layne Blanks’ office, or Mr. Blanks as we’re all supposed to call him. It still feels like I’m getting sent to the principal’s office, I thought that feeling would go away after high school. But there’s always someone that’s like the principal. I was never actually sent to the principal’s office when I was in school. Now I’m sent to the bosses’ office just about every week. I swear he has a problem with my inability to speak in front of people. Maybe he should just let me do the actual work and have someone else present it. I’ll never understand why I have to do both.

“Melanie, come on in.” He’s on the phone and I must admit that I’m a little impressed that he actually talked to tell me to come in. Usually he just waves me in. I managed to sit before I tripped, which is always an accomplishment for me.  Last week I tripped on my own feet and fell right into his desk, spilling his coffee in his lap. That was definitely not one of my finer moments.

There were fifteen minutes of my day wasted while I sat waiting for Mr. Blanks to finish talking to whomever it is he wants to talk to. I just think he’s rude, I have a million things I need to do, especially to keep his ass happy. Like he doesn’t think my work is good enough, well maybe he shouldn’t waste my time waiting for him to get off the fucking phone. Ugh, I just hate him.

When he finally hung up the phone he didn’t even apologize to me, he just began talking, “What do you have so far for the Northgate Apartments account?”

“I’m working on the bar…”

“No… the Northgate Apartments account,” he flipped through a folder.

“I didn’t get anything on that.”

“Well… that’s what you have, due Friday. I sent you an email.”

“I never got an email. I got an email about the Red Sox…”

“Right Melanie, I heard you. I don’t care about what you have, that’s not due for another week. The Northgate Account is due Friday. You’re telling me you haven’t started it?” He’s looking at me like I’m a complete idiot and this is my entire fault. How could I possibly start something that I didn’t even know I had to do? My mind reading abilities must be off today.

I took a deep breath and ran my hands through my frizzy hair, why does this shit only happen to me? “There must have… been a mix-up or something because I never got…”

“I don’t give a shit,” he answered after taking a deep breath, “Figure it out. Its due Friday at five.”

“OK, but I still don’t know what it is…”

He rolled his eyes; gosh I need to find a voodoo doll for him too. He picked up his phone, “Send Timberlake in,” he spoke into it. Oh gosh, now I’m definitely going to have a panic attack. “Let me see what you have so far for the bar.”

That I can do. I grabbed my folder and nervously lifted it up to hand it to him, but instead everything fell out of it. Gosh, I’m so fucking sick of the stars aligning in the way that makes me fuck everything up. “Sorry, I just…”

“For fucks sake Melanie.” Mr. Blanks took a deep breath as I fell to the ground to pick up my papers.

The knock on the door made me jump and hit my head on his desk. Is it possible that anything else can go wrong? I bruise easily, that’s definitely going to leave a mark.

“Mr. Blanks, Tanya said you wanted to see me,” I heard Justin’s voice and made a wish this is a dream. Why does my life work this way?

“Yeah, come on in Justin. Take a seat, Melanie can you get your shit together please?” he’s such an asshole.

“Yes I… I have everything, sorry.” I sat down next to Justin, he gave me a friendly smile but I looked away quickly. I’m not good with eye contact.

“Let me see what you have,” Mr. Blanks spoke slowly, the annoyance in his tone very clear. “One minute Timberlake.” I handed him the folder and he took a deep breath after opening it and threw it on his desk. “You used a fountain pen.” I did. Is that a big deal? Next thing I know he’s going to be yelling at me because I used a blue folder instead of red. “Timberlake, tell her why we don’t use fountain pens.”

Great, now he’s making Justin embarrass me too, I should just quit. I don’t know what I’ll do but I can find a nice job where I don’t have to actually interact with people. I could do some work from your home thing, be my own boss. I won’t ever have to leave my apartment, I can get groceries delivered and become the complete epitome of a cat lady.

“You uh… you don’t use fountain pens because they smudge really easily. You have to make sure everything dries or the ink will smudge and you can’t…” he was looking at me as if he were really trying to help explain it to me, not just because the asshole told him to.

“You can’t tell what you wrote!” Mr. Blanks shouted, “I can’t tell what you wrote. Timberlake, can you tell what she wrote?” he passed the folder over to Justin.

I looked over his shoulder to see it was smudged. I admit it’s hard to read, but you can still figure it out. “I uh… I can kind of make it out. It says…”

“The point-“ he shouted before Justin could finish, that was nice of him to try to save me at least a little, “The point is it’s sloppy, don’t use a fountain pen Melanie, sometimes I feel like it’s your first day. You need to get yourself together, I don’t know how many times I have to go through this with you.”

Well he has no problem going through this with me in front of Justin, the man I’m secretly in love with. I guess it’s safe to say now officially any chance I ever had with him is over. Who am I kidding? I obviously never had a chance with him in the first place.

Mr. Blanks continued before I could respond, “Timberlake, I want you to work with Melanie on this project. Help her out, since she’s so confused,” he glared at me as he spoke, “I want to meet with both of you Thursday morning to see what you have so far. Do not disappoint me Melanie. Work with Timberlake, he’s the best we have. Learn something from him,” he stopped to give me a once over, “And work on the frumpy clothes, this isn’t a secret makeover show.”

Well that was a little uncalled for. God, it’s like every single thing he could do to embarrass me, especially in front of Justin, he did. Talk about hitting someone when they’re down. It’s not my fault I have absolutely no sense of style. I don’t disagree that I need a makeover show, but I would want one that I don’t actually have to go on television for. That would be absolutely horrible.

“For Christ’s sake, get to work!”

 I grabbed onto my folder and quickly made my way back to my desk. This is complete bullshit. I’m going to go home tonight and look for a new job. As soon as I find something even the slightest bit promising I’m going to go in there, scream and throw a desk on him. I know I probably, or definitely, won’t go that far, but I will sign all the paperwork with a fountain pen making sure to smudge it just enough so he can’t read it.

“Conference three is open,” I looked up to see Justin standing in front of me “Is that alright?” I nodded my head, “OK, I’ll get my stuff.”

This is a complete disaster. Obviously, a part of me is so excited that I get to work with him. I mean, we’ve been working together for a year and we’ve talked more in the past two days than we have that whole time. And that’s sad, especially since we had like one actual conversation, which revolved around my clumsy ways. I’ve been waiting since the day I met him to get to work with him, but definitely not under these circumstances, not even to mention how perfect it is that Mr. Blanks managed to put a number of my flaws right there on the table for everyone to notice. I’m being stupid, Justin already knew about my flaws. They’re not exactly hidden.

I grabbed my folders and checked my email again to see that I still don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to be doing. Now Justin is standing in front of my desk, so maybe he has it.  “Do you need help carrying something?”

I shook my head, still not completely comfortable speaking to him. Why can’t I have some sort of confidence?  I mean, seriously, I’m twenty-five. I should have grown out of this uncomfortable awkward stage by now.

Justin waited for me before he walked to the conference room. He opened the door for me and sat down right next to me at the big conference table. Oh god, I’m getting nervous already. There’s no need to be nervous around him, but we've never been this close.  I mean we're practically touching.

There were a few seconds of awkward silence before he spoke, “Do you have the paperwork?”

I need to breathe and answer him. If I could somehow form words that would be fantastic, “No,” that wasn’t so hard, “I never got anything.”

“I’ll go figure it out,” he’s probably getting annoyed with me already. This is a disaster. I want to go home. Maybe I can pretend I’m sick and go home. Then I’ll have to start early with the whole looking for a new job thing because I’ll definitely get fired. The door opened a few minutes later and Justin walked in, tossing a folder on the table, “That guy is such an asshole. He needs to get laid,” I hope he doesn’t notice me turning bright red. “Anyway, yeah, this is the file. I guess it’s a new housing complex to attract the college crowd. So we want bright colors, probably. Right?”

I nodded my head.

“Alright,” he smiled, “You don’t talk a lot huh? That’s cool. I talk a lot so… I guess we’ll work well together.” He just said we’d work well together. I love him, seriously I do. “We’ll cancel each other out,” he continued, “Don’t worry about Blanks, he’s an asshole.  You know, you should stand up for yourself. Don’t take his shit.  He just acts like that because he knows you’re not going to say anything. He’s like that with everyone when they just start. You need to put him in his place then he’ll leave you alone. You just started here right? How long have you been here?”

I should pretend that I did just start here. That’ll be far less painful when he admits he never even knew I existed until the past week or so, which probably had a lot to do with the many times I’ve tripped in front of his desk. “A year,” I answered softly.

“A year?” he asked out of disbelief, “Really? In this department?” I nodded my head as I looked through the papers, “Well… don’t let him get to you.”

“He’s like Mr. Pitt,” I spoke quietly. I’m trying really hard to be normal and not act like a complete moron around him and this is what I come up with to say?

“Mr. Pitt?” Justin asked, clearly he has no idea what I’m talking about, “From Seinfeld? Shit, you’re right.  I’ve been trying to figure out who he reminds me of since I started working here. It’s Mr. Pitt, especially with the fountain pens. Do you remember that episode?” I nodded my head, “Under no circumstances will ink be used in this office!” he mimicked with a chuckle. He’s so adorable. I love him.

I managed to smile even though I’m just about positive that I look crazy.

“Anyway,” he continued, “I get distracted easily, my bad. Let’s get working.”

For the rest of the morning I managed to calm myself down at least a little and get some work done. I actually talked to him, at least a little and I feel a lot more comfortable around him. Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely not completely comfortable with him but at least I can talk.

That was until it was lunchtime and the blonde girl was back. Dammit. Just when I thought I was making some process in being able to speak to him, I thought for sure we’d move on quickly. But no, the blonde is here.

“Hey,” Justin said to her as he stood up, “This is Bella, Bella this is Mel,” of course her name is Bella because it means beauty. It’s totally true that the meaning of your name has a lot to do with the kind of person you become. To some extent I mean, she’s beautiful like her name. I don’t know what Justin means, but I’m sure it’s like charming or gorgeous or something. Then there’s me, with the last name Tripp, doomed to roam the world alone, or trip around the world I suppose.

“Nice to meet you,” she smiled and waved at the door. Of course she’s nice too, she has everything, including Justin. I’m jealous.

“We’re just going to run down to the cafeteria for lunch why don’t you come with us?” Oh my god, Justin just invited me to lunch.

“Oh, no, that’s ok,” I’m not exactly interested in going on their date.

“No, really you should come,” Bella said with a smile, “we never see you down there. Come, please?” she smiled.

I don’t understand why she wants me to go to lunch with them but a part of me is worried that it’s like in high school and she’s going to make fun of me or something. Obviously she’s not, we’re not in high school anymore. I looked over at Justin and he shrugged and gave me a half smile, “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to but I mean, if you’re just going to stay up here and eat by yourself you should come.”

“Um… ok I’ll come,” I don’t know exactly why I agreed to this. Or more importantly, I don’t know why I’m acting like I just agreed to spend three years as a prisoner of war. It could be fun, I could use some new friends, even if it’s the man I’m madly in love with and his girlfriend.

When we got downstairs I waited in line quietly and grabbed a salad, a cup of chicken noodle soup and some iced tea. Thankfully they were in front of me so I followed them to a table instead of awkwardly looking for a place to sit.

“So Mel, are you from Boston?” Bella asked with a smile.

I nodded my head as I swallowed the soup in my mouth, “Well Raynham, but yeah.”

“Where did you go to college?”

“RISD,” I said quietly, I feel like I’m playing twenty questions.

“I went to RISD,” Justin spoke up, “Did you really? When did you graduate?”

“05.”

“I graduated in 03, I must have just missed you,” he smiled as he took a bite from his sandwich.

“Weird,” Bella smiled, “I went to BU.”

“My father graduated from BU,” and I’m sure she doesn’t care even a little about that. And I dropped my napkin, awesome. As I leaned over to grab my napkin I also managed to knock my bottle of iced tea on my head. This is why I don’t go to lunch in the cafeteria. Thank goodness I’ve learned my lesson about leaving the lid on the bottle.

         “Are you alright?” Justin asked with a quick chuckle, “This happens to you a lot huh?”

         I nodded my head, “I’m very clumsy. I’m always falling, my last name is Tripp so… it happens.”

         He laughed, I think at what I said, “That’s cute,” oh my god, now I know I’m turning red. Justin just said I’m cute, or no, he said something I said was cute. Clearly he’s not talking about me, “It looks like you got a bit of a black and blue there, huh? Is that from yesterday?”

         Breathe; I need to remember to breathe. He’s touching me though, I feel like I’m going to pass out, “Probably. Or from this morning, or just now or… multiple occasions.”

         Justin laughed again, “You’re so cute,” Bella said, “Do you want to go shopping? We should go shopping. How about today after work?”

         “Um… today?” Let’s weigh the options here. I obviously need to get new clothes, just like Jackass Blanks has pointed out today. I’d say Bella is in style, I’m sure she would help me a lot. But there’s that whole issue of me not exactly being ready. Today after work is like… today after work.

         “Yeah. Are you busy? We’ll have fun, I could use a nice girls night. Sorry J, you’re not invited. What do you say?” she asked with a smile. Her smile is a lot like Justin’s smile; it’s one of those that just make you want to agree to anything.

         “Bells, relax,” Justin spoke up, giving her a look of warning, “Don’t go if you don’t want to go.  She’ll be alright.”

         “No, it’s ok. It’ll be fun,” I answered almost immediately regretting what I just volunteered for. I wish he were coming too. But I’ll take what I can get.

         “Cool, yay, I’m excited. I’ll stop by around 5:30 then. See you guys later, I have to finish up a proposal,” she stood up, leaving Justin and I alone once again. She didn’t kiss him, or hug him goodbye. Hell, she didn’t even tell him goodbye, she said it as a plural for all of us together.

         “You don’t have to go,” Justin said as we walked back to the office, “If you don’t want to it’s cool.”

         “I want to.”

         “OK, just don’t feel like you have to. And she goes overboard sometimes so don’t be afraid to say no.”

         The more time I spent with Justin the more I was falling in love with him. I know it’s ridiculous for me to think that way, but it’s true. He really is perfect. The day went by so fast, probably because I wasn’t feeling so awkward and was actually able to speak. He even said I was funny. He seems to appreciate my sarcasm. I just feel comfortable around him, it’s like he has one of those personalities that just makes you feel comfortable.  I didn’t spill any more beverages, and I only fell off the chair once in the afternoon. That’s impressive for me. Justin still laughs, but it’s not like he’s making fun of me. Honestly, he has such a sexy laugh I’d almost fall on purpose to hear it.

         When Bella came into our department I was just getting my things together. Justin pulled his jacket on and gave Bella a weird look, which confused me just a little. “Well, you girls have fun. Bells call me later,” he said before turning to me, “And I’ll see you tomorrow. I have a feeling it’ll be a late night tomorrow, so be prepared,” he smiled.

          I smiled back, not exactly sure what to say, “OK, bye. Thanks for your help.”

         “Great, bye,” Bella grabbed onto my arm and pulled me into the elevator before he could respond. Gosh, we were having a moment.

         We went to the mall and Bella did her best to pick out some outfits for me without flat out saying I have no style. She’s really nice, and very good with the whole style thing. Or so far I guess, I mean everything looks good on the hangers but I kind of doubt they’ll look good on me.

         She sat outside of my little door of the fitting room and I felt like that was a good time to ask her about her relationship with Justin since she couldn’t see my reaction. “So… how long have you been with Justin?”

         “Been with Justin?” she sounds confused, “Like dating?” she giggled, “Oh no, god no. He’s my brother.”

         “He’s your brother?” I think I just about shouted that one.

         “Yeah, my little brother. I’m married, not to my brother. I just got married about a year ago and I’m pregnant.”

         “You’re pregnant?” she does not look pregnant.

         “Yeah, just three months.”

         “Oh, well wow. Congratulations.”

         “Yeah, thanks. I’m scared shitless” she laughed. It’s very possible she kept talking but I’m too focused on the fact that she’s not dating Justin. That just made me scream inside… or at least I hope it was just inside that I was screaming.

         “So… who is Justin dating?”

         “No one…” she laughed again, “Are you interested in my little brother?”

         “No!” I answered quickly, in that tone that makes it completely obvious that I am, “Not at all.”

         “OK,” she laughed. Great job Melanie. I just made it so clear that I’m madly in love with her brother. Now she’s going to go home and tell him and he’s going to freak out and ask Jackass Blanks to put him on another project so he doesn’t have to work with his creepy stalker.  “Come on out Mel, it should not be taking this long.”

         I took a deep breath and looked at myself in the mirror. I actually look almost hot. These are clothes that actually fit, but they’re not slutty or anything either. She’s kind of a genius, and I like her so much more now that she’s not dating the love of my life. I still am a little scared to show her though; I’m not exactly comfortable with what I’m wearing. I took one more deep breath before stepping out to hear her scream. She literally screamed.

         “Oh my god! Melanie, look at you! I love it, do you love it?” her hands were brought to cover her mouth.

         “Yeah, I kinda do love it.”

         She laughed, “You have to get it, turn around for me. Oh gosh, I love it. Alright, that goes in the yes pile, try something else on.”

         I know there is a smile on my face that is not going to go away. This day started off being one of the worst of my life and now it’s getting to be the best. Talk about a change of events.  “You’re going to be a good mom.”

         Bella laughed at that, but I didn’t mean it as a joke, “Why would you say that?”

         “You have that motherly quality. It’s a good thing.”

         “Well thank you.”

         “Your welcome.”

         I ended up buying like 10 new outfits. We won’t even talk about how much money I spent. Then we went to Sephora and I bought like two hundred and fifty dollars worth of makeup. I never knew how to wear makeup, like I’m not a complete moron. I use like foundation, but the lady there gave me a whole new makeover and taught me how to do everything.  Now I feel like a completely different person.

         The next morning I woke up early enough to fix my hair and do all my new makeup. I put on the new outfit, complete with heels, that I’m horrible walking in. That was probably a bad idea, since I can hardly work barefoot since I’m so clumsy but they’re not too bad yet.  I looked myself over in the mirror before I left. I look kind of hot. Gosh, where was Bella when I was in high school or at least college. I could have used her help back then, that’s for sure. It would have saved a lot of embarrassing moments.

         I was running a little late so by the time I got into the office Justin was already shrugging his coat off at his desk. I walked by quickly, suddenly feeling real self-conscience. I probably look like a complete fool in this pencil skirt, or like a little kid playing dress up in her mother’s clothes.

         “Mel, is that you?” I heard Justin’s voice and looked up instead of looking where I was going so I banged my leg on the end of the desk. Of course. Dammit, that hurts, “Yeah, it’s you,” he let out a quick chuckle, “Are you alright?”

         “Not really, it fucking hurts.”

         Justin smiled as he looked down at my leg, “I’ll get you some ice, why don’t you go in the conference room awhile?”

         I nodded my head and wobbled into the room. He’s very sweet and thoughtful, that’s for damn sure. I love him. Before, it was stupid because I didn’t know him but now that I know him it’s true. That sounds really weird, I swear I’m not a stalker.

         “Here you go Trippster,” he placed a plastic bag of ice on my leg.

         “Thank you,” I smiled as I held onto the ice.

         “Yeah, no problem. You’ll be alright,” he said with that sexy half smile he has, “I see you had fun with my sister last night.”

         I nodded my head, “I did.” I’m getting hot again, like the kind that I swear I’m turning bright red. Every time I think I’m normal and comfortable enough to have an actual conversation with this man I start to really think about it and get nervous and awkward.

         “Good. I like it, do you like it?” I nodded my head and he nodded his too, “Well, good that’s all that matters. I think you look great though.”

         Now I know I’m smiling, he just said I look good… no great. I grabbed my folder so I could hide the smile and act like it didn’t mean as much as it really does that he said that to me.

         “Hi!” Justin’s voice made me look up to see Bella standing by the elevator. He waved back at her and rolled his eyes, “She’s ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous.”

         I laughed as I waved at her, if I didn’t know any better I’d say Justin is getting a little embarrassed by his sister. I don’t know how he could be, but it’s kinda cute.  The remainder of the workday was spent working on this stupid project. There’s so much involved in this stupid thing, Blanks should have told me about it a month ago instead of three days before it’s due.

         “Oh god,” Justin said as he threw his pencil on the table and stretched his arms over his head, “We need a break. Are you hungry?”

         “Yeah,” I nodded my head before looking at the time on the laptop in front of me, “But it’s seven, that cafeteria is closed.”

         “I was thinking more like we could go somewhere.  How about Croma?”

         Oh my god, breathe. Deep breaths. Justin just asked me to go to dinner, as in like… a date? No. Totally not as a date. It’s kind of a date, I mean two people going to dinner. But we’re working together, we need to eat, and the cafeteria is closed. We could have ordered pizza or Chinese though, he said Croma, which is on Newberry Street and like a fancy, date-ish restaurant. OK, I need to stop thinking about everything because that gets me even more nervous.

         “Croma is good.”

         “Cool, let’s go, I’m starving,” he smiled before standing up and holding the door for me so we could get our jackets, “How’s your leg doing?”

         “Oh, it’s fine. I’ve had a lot worse.”

         Justin chuckled, “I bet. Your black and blue seems to be gone, on your forehead.”

         “It’s makeup,” I said as I touched my forehead… and I probably should not have told him that. I think makeup is one of those things that girls are supposed to keep quiet. Guys are supposed to think we’re just naturally beautiful and we don’t need makeup. Well, I definitely screwed that one up.

         These heels aren’t anywhere near as hard to walk in as I thought they would be. Bella promised me that they wouldn’t be that bad, and they’re really not. I think she found some kind with like extra padding because I usually can’t deal with heels. I have tried before.

         “It’s pretty cold out,” Justin’s voice woke me from my thoughts.

         “Yeah, it’s been real cold lately,” I answered softly. This is good for me; usually I would have just nodded my head.  I said a whole six words, I’m becoming a professional.

         “Is Croma alright? We could go somewhere else, I just figured it’s closer.”

         “Croma is great,” well I’m sure it’s great. I’ve never been there, but I’ve heard good things. I’m just still kind of in shock that I’m even walking down the street with Justin. It’s kind of like my life is almost going to turn out all right.  Of course, being that I still am a complete klutz, right as I’m thinking about how this whole situation isn’t as awkward as I thought it would be I managed to slip on a patch of black ice. I twisted my ankle and I’m sure looked like a complete fool as I slid down.

         “Whoa,” Justin caught me. Gosh, why is he so perfect. He held me in his arms so when I opened my eyes he was smiling down at me, “Gotcha. You alright?” I nodded my head because it was difficult to form words at that moment. I feel like I’m living a dream… or a scene from a movie or something. He cannot seriously be this perfect. “You’re going to have to keep me around so I can keep saving your life.”

         “Thank you,” I answered with a laugh.

         “Yeah, no problem. You keep me on my feet, that’s for sure. I’m going to hold on to you though, there’s ice all over.” Justin placed his arm around my waist as we walked two buildings over to Croma. God, I wish I had slipped right outside of the office. He’s so warm, and surprisingly enough I don’t feel awkward with his arm around me. It feels kind of amazing.

         Justin put his hand on the small of my back as we were brought to our table. He even pulled out the chair for me. I didn’t know people actually did that. After we ordered there were a few seconds of silence. I was actually surprised, since he said yesterday that he talks too much. It’s almost like he looks a little nervous… ok obviously he’s not nervous.

         “So, do you break a lot of bones then?” he asked before taking a sip from his water.

         “Yes, just about every bone.”

         Justin laughed as he grabbed a piece of bread from the basket, “I broke my foot once playing basketball when I was in high school. It sucked, I was out for half the season my senior year.”

         “That does suck,” I agreed, “I broke my foot once when I was vacuuming.”

         He threw his head back when he laughed this time, it’s adorable, “I’m sure that’s a good story.”

         “Um, not really,” I shrugged, “I was just listening to music too loud and dancing around. I wasn’t paying attention and I tripped, obviously big surprise, and got my foot caught between the couch. Well like under it, who knew that was possible. I like heard it snap. It was kind of cool actually.”

         “Cool huh?” he chuckled, “Didn’t that hurt?”

         “Yeah, but not right away. It took a couple minutes to sink in; I was kind of in shock. But I have a strong threshold of pain.”

         “I’ll have to remember that,” he said with that crooked smile he has.

         The rest of dinner was pretty amazing. I think I’m actually at the point that I don’t have to think everything over three times before I actually say it out loud in front of Justin. That’s a good sign… a very good sign. After dinner we went back to the office, and for the record yes, Justin did have his arm around me the whole way so I wouldn’t fall. We didn’t really talk, but it wasn’t awkward silence, it was comfortable silence.

         We made it back to the conference room and managed to finish up the project without spending the whole night there. I really wanted to spend the time talking to him about just about anything other than this stupid place, but we both managed to stay on topic.

         “Alright, so I guess we just need to staple…” I looked up at him and noticed for the first time that he had some tomato sauce on his navy blue button down shirt. “You have a stain on your shirt,” I don’t know if I should have told him or not.  I don’t want to embarrass him but if he doesn’t take care of it then it might stain.

         Justin looked down at his shirt and laughed, “I see, you’re not the only klutz.”

         I nodded my head, “Well that’s good to know. It makes me feel better, I have a stain stick in my purse,” I said as I grabbed my purse and managed to get it out without spilling all of the contents of my purse all over the place. Seriously, I’m getting really good at this. 

         “Can you get it? I can’t really see it,” Justin asked as I nodded my head and moved closer to him. Ok, deep breath. I put the stain stick over the stain and waved my hand in front of to it would dry. “You got it?”

         I nodded my head, “Yeah, it’s all gone.”

         “Good,” he smiled looking right into my eyes. Oh god, he looks like he’s going to kiss me. Oh god, I can’t deal with that. I can’t breathe, oh god, now he’s tilting head and moving closer. I feel like I’m going to….

         I ran to the bathroom just in time to throw up in the toilet. Oh my god, please tell me this is not happening. I did not just ruin the night. Justin fricken Timberlake, the man I’ve been obsessed with for the past year, actually was going to kiss me. And how do I respond? I run away and into the bathroom to throw up in the toilet! Who does that? Who is so stupid to do that? Who is a twenty five year old finally about to get her first kiss with someone like Justin and runs away? Me. ME. ME!

         I fell to the floor of the stall, trying to figure out a way to get out of the building without actually having to walk through the office and see Justin. I could sneak out; except my purse is right next to Justin and I need my keys. Gosh, I knew I should have a spare key on a necklace or something for situations just like this. OK, so there’s never been a situation like this before. In fact I’m pretty sure I’m the first person in history to throw up before the guy I’ve had a crush on for the past year is about to kiss me!

         “Well fuck,” I heard Justin’s voice and could feel myself sweat. Why is he here? He’s not supposed to come in the women’s bathroom. “That’s the first time I’ve gotten that reaction.”

         I actually laughed a little. It was one of those weird laughs that I really just want to cry, “It’s not you.”

         “Do I make you nervous?”

         “Everything… makes me nervous,” I answered honestly.

         “Well… try not to be so nervous,” he tapped on the stall door, “Can you come out?”

         I took a deep breath and managed to get up and clean myself up before opening the door to see his smiling face. “I’m sorry.”

         “No, no don’t be sorry. It’s my fault, we were moving too fast. We’ll go slow, that’s better. Let’s get our jackets so we can go home, it’s been a long day.” Gosh, he’s so understanding and perfect. Have I mentioned perfect?

         He walked me to my car, this time holding my hand so I wouldn’t slip on the ice. I should have let him kiss me; I really, really want to kiss him.  He’s just so cute and he’s sweet and he’s watching out for me so I don’t trip again. Seriously, that’s what I need, someone to look out for me. And it helps enormously that he’s so fucking gorgeous.

         “So I’ll uh… see you tomorrow. Sorry about… before. I wasn’t thinking and I,” he stopped nervously, “No hard feelings, alright?”

         Hard feelings? I totally scared him away. It was a kiss; I should be able to kiss him. I want to kiss him. GOD, I need to stop having all these inner crises and stop fucking over thinking everything and just do it. I took a deep breath and stood up on my tippy toes and pressed my lips against his. His lips are so soft and tastes so good. He stepped closer, pushing me against the car and giving me the most perfect kiss ever. Justin pulled back with a smile on his face and I know for a fact that I had a smile about twice as big as his on my face.

         “Well then,” he laughed, “That was… nice, thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

         “OK, bye Justin.” I can’t believe I just did that. I can’t believe that just happened. I just want to kiss him again; I want to kiss him forever.

         “Bye Mel,” he held onto the door as I got in, “Drive safely, sweet dreams.”