I stumbled through the darkness of my small one-bedroom apartment. I really need to tidy up. It's starting to smell funny. Not that I care about anything anymore. My clothes are spread all over the floor and they reek of smoke and stuff. You know, your typical club smell. My life only consists of waiting for the next oppurtunity to go out and get wasted. Forget about all the crap I went through with Kevin.

Kevin. It hurts to even think about him.

 Well, positive thinking is the answer. At least I can eat a sandwich in my bed now. He used to have such a go at me if there were crumbs in the bed. Freak.

I walk towards my fridge and open it's door. The light hurts my eyes. I've gotten used to it being dark most of the time, because I can't bring myself to pull up the blinds, all that sunshine depresses me even more.

I need therapy.

 It's not that the whole crap that has happened with Kevin is new to me. He's not the first to have cheated on me. But maybe that's why it hurts so much. It's not just the pain of losing Kevin, but the pain of being cheated on yet again. It's like I'll never find someone to be happy with.

 Sara would say it's my own fault, I should stop looking for my soulmate so desperately and accept he'll come along. I should learn to function alone. Well, she's one to talk, being as gorgeous as she is, she's bound to have guys all over her.

I really hate her sometimes. She's sweet and funny and independant. She has an amazing boyfriend at the moment, as usual. She always has great boyfriends. I hate her.

She's such a great best friend. When she heard what Kevin had done, she just sighed and said "Give me 20 minutes Brooklynn" She always calls me Brooklynn when she's mad. Usually it's just Brooke. But she was mad. She never liked him from the start.

17 minutes later she rung my bell and she was standing in front of my door with a giant cup of Ben and Jerry's. I love her. Did I mention I tend to be shizophrenic?

 I went back to bed and lit a cigarette. Another good thing, I can start smoking again. Kevin hated it when I smoked, so I had to do it secretly and couldn't do it in my apartment, as he smelled it even if I left the window open after for hours... It was good though. I hardly ever smoked. I've spend a fortune on cigarettes these past 2 weeks.

My cell started ringing. I should change the ring melody. My heart stings everytime I hear that stupid "I wear my sunglasses at night* song. It was Kevin's favourite song and he used to sing it in the shower. He has an awful voice. Dork. 

I see Sara's caller ID and contemplate just ignoring it. But I can't ignore that stupid song and answer the phone.

"Hey" I say quietly.

"WASSUPP??" Sara screams in my ear. "Girl, you better not be laying in bed all day and being depressed again. Life goes on. Let's do something! Let's go shopping!"

"It's sunday" I reply boredly.

"Ok let's for a jog" she says.

She must be out of her f**king mind. Me?? Her? Jogging??

"We hate exercise! WTF?" I tell her.

"Hm true, ok I'm coming over though"

She gets off the phone before I can say anything. This girl is nuts. 

Half an hour later she's at my door with my favourite movie ever- Fight Club. Hell, this girl knows how to cheer someone up. People think it's weird how I like Eduard Norton way more than Brad Pitt, but hello?? This Dude is hot! In his own weird way anyway. I appreciate how she picked that movie, she doesn't even like it that much. Two hours later, after the movie and the bonus DVD, she gets serious. 

"We need to tidy you're place up, and girl you should smoke less. And outside. It reeks in here"

"I don't care"

"You should though. It's your life and it's complete without a man."

That's weird coming from someone who has never been single longer than a month. But she is right. I need to get a grip.

"Maybe tomorrow" I sigh. I should tidy up tomorrow. Go back to work maybe. As if she can read my mind, she asks about work. I've been working the same boring job the last 3 years. Since I graduated from UCLA, I've worked in a production company. It is kind of exciting what goes on in there, but I've always wanted to work on the set, really see a movie set live for God's sake and not just the office behind it. It's not even a movie company, it's a commercial company, but the pay is good and at least I have job.

Well, I hope I do, seeing as I haven't been there the last 2 weeks. I'm pretending to be ill. Technically I am actually ill. Heartbreak is an illness right?

I should go back to work tomorrow.

After 3 weeks I managed to tidy up, vacuum and wash the dishes, that were turning into very dangerous towers especially in the dark. Today is the day. Back to work and pretend everything's okay. Sara was going to pick me up and drive me, seeing as I hadn't been out in daytime for nearly a month, and she probably wanted make sure I wouldn't chicken out and just stay at home. Just as I was putting on finishing touches of my make-up, she rang the doorbell. 

"Wow girl, you look great!" she exclaimed, admiring my freshly ironed blouse and suit.

I smiled at her and nodded. "I feel ready!" I was rather trying to convince myself than tell her. 

"I'm proud of you girl, you definately are" 

Yea right, I thought to myself. But I didn't want to ruin my fresh start, and we sped off in her convertible. 

"I'll pick you up at 6 then?" she smiled reasuringly, as we pulled over. I nodded, took a deep breath and got out of the car. I watched her speed away, the wind blowing through her blonde hair, waving at me, looking back at me in the rear-view mirror. I walked into the building, even though everything inside me was struggling against it. I hate my job.

So, now I’m sitting here at my desk, with an enourmous pile of work to do, yay. It is my fault after all. I should just get over stuff more quickly. It’s not a first after all. I’m getting a teeny bit bitter about this here. I guess that’s not a good sign. Oh no. Hete comes my boss.

My boss, Shirley, is not just in a higher position than me, but she’s unbelievably good-looking, very young and earns like ten times as much money as I do. You gather, I hate this woman. She doesn’t look too happy either.

„Brooke, I have no idea what illness this is that kept you away for a month, but you better get the presentations, that happened to be due 2 weeks ago, done. You have 5 days. And they better be really good if you want to continue working with us. We need new schemes for the promotions next week as well. You better get a move on if you want to keep up with everyone else. Good luck.“ All this she said with absolutly no emotion.

I can’t believe she didn’t even ask what happend, that I was ill for so long of if I’m better. Well, it saves me having to make something up. Cow. I hate her so much. How am I going to deal with all this? Did I mention she looks really hot. I wish I could cut her legs off, they are so unbelievably long. She doesn’t need them anyway. She can boss people around sitting as well.

„She doesn’t like you very much, does she?“

An unknown voice startles me from behind. I turn around to see a gorgeous man I have never seen before standing behind me. I mean, I’m not hard on the eyes or anything, I’ve had my share of good-looking men, but this guy… He’s tall, lean, athletic. He has wonderful hands. I have this thing for hands, and his are perfect. His grey-blue eyes pierce into mine.

Brooke. Focus.

„Who are you??“ I blurt out. Yea Brooke, keep it friendly, that’ll leave a great impression.

„You haven’t been here for a while huh? I’m the hot new guy“ he grins. He has nice teeth. But I’ve had my share of good-looking arrogant men. I’ve had enough.

„I have a lot of work to do, so if you don’t mind, I would appreciate it if you blessed someone else with your hotness.“ I turned back to my work.

He actually chuckled. Whatever. I hate him.

I hate a lot of people at the moment. It’s not very good for my state of mental health. I’m going to turn into this nutcase that starts murdering random people, just because I feel like it, like that Monday killer.

Focus, Brooke.

I look down at the pile of paperwork in front of me. It’s going to be a long day. I call Sara and tell her I’m probably going to have to work overtime to get today’s share done. She’s overjoyed I have my motivation back and I don’t bother telling her that I have to do it or I’d lose my job.

It’s 10 pm when my eyes start to get all bleary. I need to get the day and night contact lenses. Anyway, I can’t be bothered to do anymore, and I’m really hungry. I didnt take a lunch break, because I thought that would be a waste of time. I get up and realize I’m not alone. The new guy is sitting at his desk scribbling away. He suddenly looks up and catches me looking at him.

„Can I help you with anything babe? Or is staring at me doing you enough?“

God I hate this guy.

„I’m not babe. My name is Brooklyn Welsh. And I am going to leave now.“

I am going to leave now?? Brooke, that was the lamest comeback ever. I am ashamed. I’m just about to leave, where he grabs my arm and turns me around.

„Hey listen, I’m just kidding. I’m Justin by the way. Sorry we got off wrong, it’s my humour. I tend to forget people don’t know me, and might think I’m serious“ He smiles at me goofily. It is kind of cute I guess. I just look at him. He’s shizophrenic. Weirdo.

„Anyway,“ he rambles on „Isn’t Shirley a bitch, ranting off at you like that, even though you must have been seriously ill, seeing as you were away for such a long time.. Do you feel better know? What happened- o wait that’s probably not something I should ask, it’s nothing to do with me- I’m starving GOD Are you hungry?“

I can’t believe a guy can talk this much. I just nod.

„Sorry I talk alot sometimes.“ You’re telling me! „So i wanted to ask you if you could have a look at these“

He leads me to his desk, and shows me a few notes he’s made. „You’ve been here longer, so I thought you could go over them and see if they’re ok?“

„Sure“ I say. Stupid to ask me though. Obviously Shirley loaths me for a reason. The reason is I like to do things my way and she thinks she’s the boss of everyone. Which technically she is, but you know what I mean.

His stuff looks okay. I tell him that, and add that I’m off. I need a good night’s sleep.

„Wanna grab something to eat together before you go?“

He’s really weird. I don’t know him! He could be a murderer or a rapist or.. I’m just paranoid. Still-

„Na I’ll eat at home. See you tomorrow.“ And I leave, not leaving time or space for discussion.

That was probably rude. To hell with it, I need my bed.

How could she not want to get dinner with me? I was so nice to her! I even asked for her stupid opinion on my ideas. She’s probably going to steal them now. As if I needed her help on anything. I was blinded by her looks.

As usual.

I’m pathetic. I guess everyone has a weakness. I have a weakness for beautiful women. A great big weakness. I’ve let too many beautiful women mess with my mind in the past.

This woman. She’s amazing. The moment I saw her wild hair and her big black eyes, I needed to talk to her. I didn’t really know what to say, she looked busy. Not to mention important in her cute little suit. I do have a guilty conscience though, because the moment Shirley saw me checking her out, she gave her that speech. She seems to be mad at everyone of my co-workers I speak with. Well, if she is a women anyway.

She liked me the moment she saw me, she hardly even glanced at my application, which I worked so hard on. She just told me I have the job and started flirting with me. I guess that’s her idea of an interview.

But I just won’t flirt with my boss. I want to be taken seriously by her, I’m darn good at what I do and she’ll have to see that eventually.

Anyway, back to Brooke. Maybe she’s gay. That would explain it. Or she’s married. But I didn’t see a ring. I’ve never been so intrigued by a chick. She was bitchy to me aswell. AND she declined going to grab something to eat. It wasn’t even a date. She really should have said yes. Great. I feel like an idiot. She must think I’m really desperate to get laid.

Maybe I talked to much. But what was I supposed to do? I tried being smart and cocky, but she wouldn’t go for that. She just made me nervous.

I’d like to see her nervous. It’d turn me on to see her blush. Oh what I’d give to get her to blush. It’s probably impossible though. She’s so confident and cynical. She seems the type of girl that won’t take shit from noone.

I’m not even hungry anymore. It’s late, but I think I’ll drop by the bar opposite the office, for a Jack and coke.

I sit myself at the bar, order a drink and start small talk with the bar keeper. He’s a nice guy, from the south, like myself. Chilling here the last few weeks after work has become a sort of ritual. I’m new in town and I work most of the time, so making friends hasn’t been an issue. Joe, the bar keeper, is the closest thing to a friend I’ve made here.

"How was work?"

"Same as usual, Shirley’s still trying to get me to hit on her. It’s tiring. But there’s this new chick at work, she’s a hottie. But I think she’s a bitch..."

"The hot ones nearly always are, I guess I got lucky with mine" he smiles.

I met Joe’s girlfriend a few days ago, when she came by to visit him. She isn’t really my type, but she’s cute if you go for that bleach blonde happy-go-lucky skinny type. I like girls with a bit of meat on their bones. Especially their butt. Brooke had a really nice one.

God, I need to Stop thinking about her.

I empty my glass in one go, and Joe asks me if I want another.

"I better get going Joe, Work tomorrow." I grad my coat and climb of the stool.

 "Hey Justin" Joe stops me. "I’m moving in with my girl, and we’re having tis house-warming party this weekend. Maybe you’d like to go, get to know some people? It’ll be chilled, a few people and a few drinking games" he grins.

This guy is great. He hardly knows me and is inviting me to this event, just cause he knows I’m lonely. He must feel real sorry for me.

I’m so sad. Still, won’t say no to a chance to get to know some people-

"Sounds cool, I’m up for it. Thanks man."

He nods to me as I leave… A party. Sounds good. Maybe I’ll meet some to get my mind off this Brooke chick.

~Brooke's POV~

"You HAVE to come! It'll be so much fun!"

Sara can be so persuasive and tiring. I've been discussing this with her for ages, and she just won't quit.

"Seriously Sara, I have so much work to do, I have to catch up. I've had enough party the last few weeks to last me a lifetime. Enough already!"

I must admit this is only half of the reason I don't want to go to her stupid housewarming party. As much as I love this girl, I really can't be asked to spend all night watching her cuddle with her adorable boyfriend she's moving in with.

Joe is great. He owns his own bar, on the same street my office is and he's kind and good-looking and sensitive. In other words, he's everything Sara deserves and they are great together. I really can't deal with them as the perfect couple they are now. It's sad how bitter I've become, but I really can't take it, even though I hate myself for it.

But the really awful part of all this is, Sara and Joe have no single friends. There's going to be couples EVERYWHERE. Really, I can not be bothered with this. 

"Pleeease come!" she's whining now. I don't get it. Even if I do come, it'll not make the slightest difference to her night. She'll be all over Joe anyway.

"I'm not coming, get over it."

That was kind of harsh I guess, but she has to get the message. The reason she's trying to convince me is because she thinks I'll have fun there, but I know I won't, so I'm not going. "I've already seen the appartment a million times anyway..."

"But what are you gonna do all night then??"

Probably have a lie down in the bath with a bottle of wine and some music to unwind actually. But I can't tell her that, she'll insist even more that I come.

"I need to catch up with some work and I need an early night. Not enough sleep lately"

At last she gives in. A few hours later I'm lying in the bath tub and have emptied half a bottle of wine, and I feel absolutely great. No more men. Just me and this bathtub, wine in my glass and winehouse in my cd-player.

I sing along, realizing that only now I've fully understood the lyrics to their extent. I've always loved her, but I feel like I really grasp what she means now.

He walks away, the sun goes down
He takes the day, but I'm grown
And in your way, in this blue shade
My tears dry on their own

I don't understand
Why do I stress the man?
When there's so many real things at hand
We could have never had it all
We had to hit a wall
So this is inevitable withdrawal
Even if I stop wanting you,
A perspective pushes through
I'll be some next man's other woman soon
Can I play myself again?
Or should I just be my own best friend?
Not f''k myself in the head with stupid men...

I'm in total serenity and at peace with myself, when my phone rings and those stupid sunglasses at night make me leave my wonderful bath and freeze to death searching for where I chucked my cell phone.

It's Sara. She cannot be serious! I take the call anyway, with a bitchy "What?!?"

"Brooke, Brookey. You have to come. Quick! Please. I don't know what to do!" Shit. She's crying hytericallyand slurring her words.

"What's going on?! Where are you?" I ask.

~Justin's POV~

I cannot believe this shit is happening.

Everything started out great. I found the adresse quite easily, and I bought them a bottle of some delicious Absolut Red as a housewarming gift.

We chilled and I got to know some people. It was a bit tiring, because there were just couples. Watching them, how sweet they are together, it's great, but you always feel a bit lonely.

I'm fine with being single, it's really fun actually, but I don't want to see all the great sides to not being single rubbed in my face a whole night.

So much to meeting new chicks, by the way. But Joe was great, he came up to me and apologized, he thought Sara's best friend is coming, who happens to be single and very hot, at least that's what Joe says. But she wasn't feeling up to it. I told him not to worry and that I was having a great time, which wasn't a lie.

At some point we decided to do some shots and well, you know how it is, we did a few more. I must admit I learned lots of new drinking games. All in all, we were having a great time.

Later we had nothing left to drink, which actually suprised me quite a bit, because we had had so much to start with. Joe decided to go to the bar, he mentioned a bottle of Jim Bean he felt like, so everyone that was left and hadn't gone home yet, cheered him on. This included me, his girlfriend Sara and another couple whose names I've already forgotten. 

Nobody asked him how he was going to get there. Even though we all said afterwards we thought he was going to take a cab, I think we just didn't think about how he was going to get there. We didn't really care.

This is the reason I usually drink less.

So we were waiting for him to come back and noone went to check on him or anything, even though he had the taken more time than it would to walk there and back. But nobody had really noticed, until we got that call. From the hospital.

Joe had taken his car.

Sara was so in shock and quite a bit drunker than me, so i took the phone off her to figure out what had happened. Apparently Joe was okay, he caused an accident, but except a major damage to the car, the shock and his arm being sprained nothing had happened thank God.

I felt so stupid as I called a cab to get us to the hospital. We should have realized that Joe might do something stupid. 

But I can't be bothered to think about that right now, I just keep my arm around Sara trying to calm her down, while she calls her friend to tell her we're at the hospital.