If someone came up to you and offered you a chance to change one moment in your life would you take it? Would you risk losing someone that loved you for that one chance at love with someone that might not ever love you back? I would, or rather I did. Knowing what I know now, I can honestly say…be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.
I know that sounds cliché and it probably is but in my case they’re words I live by now. I can honestly say that I’ve not made a wish since it all happened, since I altered my destiny and the destiny of someone I had sworn to love for a chance at a love I thought I wanted. I suppose in order for you to understand I should tell you my story. It’s one of love, broken hearts and even death. It’s not a fairy tale story with a happy ending so if that’s what you are hoping to read you should probably stop.
If someone had ever told me before that day I changed my life and the life of my lover that what I was about to do was even possible, I’d have seriously considered having them committed, and who knows, at the end of this you may very well feel the same way about me. Convincing you of my sanity isn’t important, convincing you to never make the same mistake is.
I guess now would be as good a time as any to tell you who I am. My name is Joshua Chasez, better known to most of you as JC, formerly of NSYNC and this is my story, better known to me as my rise and fall.
The year was 2008 and things in my life were going exactly the way I wanted. I had a career that people could only dream of. I was on top of the world and it was mine to lose. I had an openly gay relationship with a man I loved and nothing in my life was missing…except there was something missing. If you asked me today why I would alter my life and risk losing everything, I’d have to tell you I just don’t know but at the time, the prize I was offered was too much to resist.
I have loved two men in my life. One I was lucky enough to share a life with, one I had loved for years but could never have or so I thought. Those of you who thought you knew me back when I was part of NSYNC probably already suspect who I’m referring to. I’d like to tell you that you are wrong but why lie now, when the truth will set me free?
The love of my life, the man I had wanted to share my life with, was none other than Justin Timberlake. You are probably asking yourself why I would settle for someone else if my heart was always his or why I never took the risk when NSYNC was still together. I can’t really answer that but to say that at the time, I was too afraid of losing all I had. I probably should’ve remembered those fears; they would have served me well if I had.
I was sitting on top of the world, had made a name for myself outside the group when nobody thought I could. I thought I was invincible and nothing could stop me. It was this arrogance that drew her to me. She approached me in the club, not as a fan wanting anything from me but as a woman wanting to lure me in. She took the seat next to mine crossing her long legs and asking me for a light. I can still remember the way she looked. She had auburn hair that cascaded down her entire back and emerald eyes that shined as bright as the moonlight. Her lips were the perfect shape and begged to be kissed. Every inch of her body made mine ache with anticipation. It had been years since I had wanted a woman the way I wanted her and that should’ve been a warning sign that made me run but I was intoxicated with the beauty before me. She was trouble and I sensed this but didn’t care.
We talked and drank for most of the evening dancing closely together as her body teased mine with an offer before she asked me a simple question or it seemed simple at the time.
“What is your one regret, Joshua?”
I laughed and she smiled waiting for my answer. “I don’t have any regrets.” I lied.
She laughed then moving her body closer to mine, close enough I know she could feel my desire. “Everyone has regrets.”
I reached out and touched her hair, unable to resist running my fingers through it. “I suppose we do.”
“What if I told you I could grant you one wish, to change one moment in time? Would you take it?” She questioned before brushing her lips gently over mine.
“Just one moment?” I laughed, playing along with what I assumed to be a playful game.
Her face grew serious before she led me off the dance floor to a secluded table in the corner. “Yes, Joshua. Just one.”
I smirked, before moving close enough I could whisper in her ear. “My one regret is never telling Justin how I feel, how I still feel.” I was intoxicated enough that I told her the truth.
She placed her lips next to my ear and whispered as softly as I had done only moments before. “If I could give you that one chance to go back in time and tell him, would you take it? Would you risk losing everything that you now have for that one chance for love with someone that may never love you back?”
“Sure, honey.” I joked. “Why not, it’s not like you can give me that chance anyway.”
“Don’t be so sure, Joshua. If your heart truly wants it, I can give you the chance to alter your destiny but you need to be sure. There is always a price when you play around with ones destiny. All that you have right now could be lost and more.” She warned, but I didn’t really listen. To be honest I don’t think I ever truly believed she could do it but that didn’t keep me from wishing she could. I had nothing to lose by making a wish she couldn’t grant.
“Yes, if I was given the chance to do things differently, I’d take that risk.”
She smiled before getting up from her chair. She leaned down and kissed me hungrily on the lips. “Then you shall have that chance.”
Those were the last words she ever spoke to me before she walked out of my life as easily as she had walked into it. I grabbed my glass and drank the rest of my drink, feeling like a fool for even having such a crazy conversation. She was clearly crazy but what if, I thought before shaking my head and laughing at the absurdity of it all.
“Hey, you ready to go?” Jerry, the man I had sworn to love asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
I nodded my head before getting up from my seat swaying slightly as the affects of the alcohol started to work their way into my system. “Did you see the girl that I was talking to?”
Jerry creased his brow in confusion. “Josh, there was no girl.”
“Sure there was, she just left.”
“Josh, I’ve been sitting here with you all night. There was no girl. You ok, man?”
It had been my turn to crease my brow in confusion. I knew I hadn’t imagined her. I could still smell her perfume on my clothes and feel the touch of her lips on mine, the desire for her still coursed through my veins like a drug. “Yeah, I’m ok.”
Jerry took me by the hand and led me out of the club to our awaiting car. We’d made love that night for the last time and had I known it would be the last time, I’d have finally said the words “I love you” out loud. I know that he knew, or I hope he’d known, how I felt. I was just too stupid to ever tell him. I always thought I had more time but it turned out I was wrong.
Then next morning I reached out expecting to find him lying next to me but what I found instead should have scared the shit out of me and sent me running to the nearest shrink. Instead I whispered a name that I hadn’t spoken in years. “Bobbie”
Of all the people that had been in and out of my bed over the years the last one I’d ever wanted to wake up next to again was Bobbie, but here I was lying naked in a bed with her arms wrapped possessively around my waist. I decided the lady from the night before not only had the ability to pull off time travel, she had a pretty twisted sense of humor as well. I know sending someone back in time probably isn’t an exact science but you’d think she’d been able to pinpoint a better time during NSYNC’s fame than this, like say, after my split with Bobbie so I wouldn’t have to relive any of that nightmare.
You are probably wondering why I would call it a nightmare; after all I had gone on the Larry King show proclaiming my love for her right? What would you say if I said I wasn’t talking about Bobbie at all? It was just something I said on a whim because Justin had asked me to in hopes that it would throw more focus on my relationship with her and off of him and Britney. Yes, I loved him enough to lie for him on national TV even though I knew the affect it would have on Bobbie and more importantly our relationship.
She did what I knew she would. She started to cling to me even more than she already did and demanded more of my time. Why shouldn’t she, I claimed on national TV I loved her so it had to be true even though I’d never uttered those words to her and never would. After awhile her clinginess started to annoy me. Instead of talking to her about it, I looked for attention in others, lots and lots of others, many I fucked in the room next to ours while she listened hoping she’d finally just go away. Jive had pretty much told me I wasn’t allowed to end things so the only chance I had was her leaving. They considered her to be the perfect girlfriend. Someone who looked good on my arm while keeping the gay rumors at bay. Obviously their definition of perfect and mine differed. Seven years wasn’t going to change that.
As you have probably figured out by now, when things finally ended between Bobbie and me they didn’t end on friendly terms, far from it. By the time we ended I hated her and she wanted to see me dead, well maybe not dead but severely maimed probably ranked high on her list. Up until I woke up this morning we still couldn’t be in the same room, hell the same state most days, so acting like the loving boyfriend in public wasn’t something I was too willing to do.
The only problem, I didn’t know how it would affect what I’d come back to do if I didn’t play the perfect public boyfriend. I couldn’t be sure of how my actions now would alter the future. I’d seen enough science fiction movies to know that everything I did differently this time could ultimately change something in the future and not always in the way you want it to. If I split up with Bobbie now would it change things with Justin? Justin and I had formed a bond during the last few months of my relationship with her but only because he saw the way she treated me publically knowing there was nothing I could do about it. If I altered any of that it could change the bond we formed over our mutual distaste for Jive’s controlling nature. All I could really do was hope the twisted woman from last night placed me near the end of the relationship and not somewhere in the middle. I needed to find a newspaper to know for sure.
So, I did what I had to do knowing any alteration in my day could change things. I carefully removed her arms from my waist and dressed as quickly and quietly as I could and bolted from the room, running straight into Justin.
“Where’s the fire, C?” Justin teased before grabbing my arms to steady me.
I grinned at Justin bringing my finger to my lips to silence him before pulling the hotel room door shut. Last thing I wanted was the bitch to wake up and come out into the hallway and ruin this moment, even if it really wasn’t a moment…yet. Justin smiled a knowing smile before frowning slightly. “Bobbie’s being a bitch again isn’t she? Last night at the release party wasn’t enough for her? You really need to just cut her loose, fuck Jive and their demands. She is making you miserable.”
I stared at Justin for a moment processing what he’d said. Even though the one-sided conversation we were now having never happened before I at least knew the date. The date was July 24th, the day Celebrity was released. A motion in front of my face brought me back from my thoughts. “You in there, man?” Justin questioned as he continued to wave his hand in front of my face.
“Yeah sorry, I was just thinking. You want to get some breakfast?” I replied after grabbing his hand.
“Are you asking me on a date?” Justin joked.
I raised an eyebrow, deciding to play along. After all, finding love with Justin was the reason I was even there. Who cared if I was possibly fucking with the time paradox and shit? My goal was Justin and I was going to have to alter a few things to achieve it. Now seemed like the perfect time to start. “What if I am?”
Justin laughed before linking his hand in mine and pulling me towards the elevator. “Just know I don’t put out on the first date so if you are looking for a piece of the fine Timberlake ass you’ll have to buy me dinner as well.”
I pushed the down button while watching Justin in the mirror, hoping to see some truth in his eyes. When our eyes finally met I saw something I’d never seen before. I saw desire. “Then I’ll have to make sure we have a second date.” I whispered before following Justin onto the elevator once the doors opened.
The sexual tension in the elevator was thick enough you could cut it with a knife and got ten times thicker when Justin brushed his hand over my crotch smiling when he got the desired response. I turned to ask him what he was doing but found myself shoved against the elevator wall with his tongue buried deep in my throat instead. I finally found the strength to push him far enough back that I could stare into his eyes. His labored breathing matched my own and the obvious bulge in his pants told me he wanted what I wanted or did he? I wanted him to love me but right now all I knew for sure was he wanted to get me into bed. Things were progressing the way I wanted but deep down I knew something wasn’t right and if I continued to allow things to progress in this way I’d regret it in the end.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath when it finally hit me. Justin and Britney had a huge fight early in the morning the day Celebrity was released and she’d stormed out on him leaving his heart wounded and his ego bruised after he’d found out she’d had the first of many affairs she was going to have. If I followed through with what I was doing I’d be his ultimate revenge on Britney and it would ruin all I had come back to do. “What’s going on, Justin?” I asked instead, reaching around him and hitting the stop button on the elevator so we could speak without the possibility of interruption.
Justin had other ideas, he grabbed me by the face pulling me in for another deep kiss making it harder for me to remain focused on what I needed to do, since what I needed to do and what I wanted to do were nowhere near the same thing. Once again I somehow found the strength to push him back. “Stop!”
Justin rubbed his hands over his face before stepping back. “Tell me what’s going on?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.
“What makes you think there is something going on? We’ve always had sexual tension between us.” He replied, obviously stalling for time. I guess it’s hard to admit to your best friend you are only trying to get him into bed because of a bruised ego. He was right about one thing though, there had always been sexual tension between us but he loved Britney, as much as I wanted him, I still knew it to be true, which was a huge part of the reason I never pursued him back then. Add in my fear of losing both the group and him if things went wrong and you have the reason he was my one regret. I raised an eyebrow showing him I knew he was full of shit. His shoulders slumped and his eyes watered just slightly. “Britney cheated on me.”
I reached out and embraced him like I’d done the first time we’d had this conversation but this time something different happened. This time he hadn’t sobbed in my arms asking me what he’d done to deserve this. This time he placed soft kisses at the base of my throat eliciting a groan from deep within when he cupped my growing erection with the palm of his hand. Every nerve ending was tingling with anticipation and desire making it impossible to stop when he pulled back far enough to bring our mouths together in a heated kiss. I no longer had the will power to say no to something I’d wanted so badly for so many years. Unfortunately what I wanted and what I actually got were two very different things. I wanted Justin as my lover and that morning he became just that and you would think I got that happy ending that I’d come back for. I’d been warned before I’d ever made my wish that there was always a price to altering ones destiny and the price I was going to pay was huge.
You would think once Justin and I had become lovers I’d have gotten everything I’d gone back to achieve and I thought I had as well. It only took a few days for me to get the wakeup call of my life and realize how wrong I was. I’d known the morning that Justin and I had slept together that part of it was because he was angry at Britney, but I’d foolishly allowed myself to believe he cared about me as well. After all, we were still sleeping together and continued to do so up until the very end.
I wasn’t delusional enough to believe it was love back then but I was delusional enough to believe that it could turn into that. What was the point of my going back if I didn’t believe at least that? Having someone throw you out of bed, in a fit of rage, will calm those delusions pretty damn quickly. In all the years that I’d known him I’d never seen him as angry as he was the morning the news had broken about him being gay and I’d certainly never had all that anger directed toward me.
I still have a scar above my right eye where a shard of glass cut me when he’d flung an empty glass angrily across the room. I can’t tell you who he hated more at that moment, me or Britney. Britney for telling the world he was gay or me for being the cause of it.
It’s possible that I had only received the brunt of his anger, having had the misfortune of being in the room with him when he’d heard the interview Britney had given to Oprah, proclaiming to the world that Justin was gay and because of it, they were no longer a couple. He couldn't really have thought it was my fault, or that I had anything to do with outing him. My willingness to deny this small fact made it easier for him to convince me he was sorry, once he'd calmed down, for all that had transpired that day. To this day I can’t say for sure if he really was sorry or if he was just trying to keep me quiet and unaware. It was just something we never discussed again because it was easier for me to live in denial than not, like I had during so many other moments that led up to...I'm getting ahead of myself.
The fact that Britney had chosen not to mention me as his male lover is what planted the crazy notion that I was in on it in his mind. Why would she out him and protect me? He decided that Britney and I had conspired together to destroy him. In his mind there was just no other logical explanation. It never occurred to him that he had seduced me into his bed not the other way around, and I would have no reason to out him, but thinking back on it, I’m pretty sure that was Britney’s plan all along. It took me several cuts and bruises to convince him it was all a lie she was telling to split us a part. Sadly, it didn't take near as many apologies for me to allow him back into my life, back into my bed. Love makes you do crazy things and the deeper you're in love the crazier those things get. Besides, I'd given up everything that I had to come back so I could make him love me. What other choice did I have? Defeat just wasn't an option at this point.
The break up Britney and Justin had gone through, the first time, had gotten very ugly but it was nothing compared to this. This time I was smack dab in the middle of it, someplace I never should’ve been but had chosen to be when I decided to alter the future. Fate will come back and kick you in the balls if you allow it and I had freely allowed it.
I didn't know it at the time, but she'd seen us in bed together that morning. She'd come back to try and fix things with Justin, hoping he'd forgive her for her indiscretion but instead, she saw the man she claimed to love wrapped up in another man’s arms, that man being me. That was a huge blow to her ego, one she couldn’t handle. In her mind it was ok that she was cheating on him, and I know for a fact it was ok with her that he was cheating on her as long as it was with another woman. Originally, before I decided to alter things, he'd done it several times in retaliation before their final split. In fact, he'd actually have done it later that day if I’d not changed things by stepping out of that hotel door, at that exact moment. I altered everyone's future when I stepped into the hallway, instead of going to find some groupie to sleep with, like he'd originally done, he'd settled on me instead. Things had changed then, just not in the way I'd hoped. I came back to make my future better, not destroy everything I had even though it would take years for that to happen.
The Jive rumor control was in full force for the next week, and part of that control was having the five of us spend every waking moment in each other’s back pocket, making it easier for Justin and me to be together. It never occurred to them that Justin’s gay lover was one of us, especially me. I had Bobbie, who fortunately enjoyed money and fame more than she enjoyed destroying my life. Who’d have thought her claim to fame would be being my beard? Certainly not me looking back at how things with her and I had ended the first time around.
When Justin wasn’t slamming me into a wall accusing me of destroying his life, he was the best lover a man could ask for, affectionate and completely devoted to me, leaving both the guys and myself fooled to his true motives. He was obsessed with me and I was his property, it just took me too long to finally figure it all out, something that cost me dearly in the end.
I had always known that being in control was something Justin craved more than anything; I just never thought it went further than his career. I never thought he’d want to control me as well and do whatever was necessary to make it happen. I’d like to say it was so gradual that I didn’t notice it but it wasn’t. I was just so in love with him, or so I had convinced myself, that I didn’t notice it right away. If I could go back and change it…well, maybe that’s something for another time.
Justin had a way of making me and the others see things differently than they were really happening. It’s crystal clear to me now that I’m no longer caught up in the ugly cycle that was our relationship, but I’m not sure the others will ever allow themselves to fully believe it, even now that…once again I’m getting ahead of myself.
I can still remember the first time Justin hit me in front of the other guys like it happened just yesterday. It’s practically embedded on my face. Joey had been doing what he did best, acting like Joey. He loved nothing more than to pick me up and spin me around until I was so dizzy I’d fall over laughing. Normally, I could sense Justin’s moods and knew when it was ok to be playful and when I should remain serious. This day I had allowed my guard to drop and I paid dearly for it and so had Joey. Most people think that Joey injured his leg when the springboard malfunctioned during the taping of our Dirty Pop video. That lie couldn't be further from the truth. The truth about what happened that day could've ended our careers.
Joey had been watching me as I walked on the edge of the stage pretending it was a balance beam, my arms out to my side, my eyes scrunched up in concentration. Joey had elbowed Chris in the ribs, nodding his head toward me, Chris nodding his back in return as they both laughed at my silliness. I smiled closing my eyes again and turning my full attention on the task I had set out to do. Knowing I was completely focused on what I was doing, Joey snuck up from behind grabbing me and tossing me over his shoulder, running toward the back of the stage spinning me around as he went, enjoying the sound of my giggles. Neither of us noticed Justin walk up blocking our path. Joey ran smack into him falling onto his back with me dropping directly on top of him. Joey flipped us over so I was on my back and his body was covering mine. I continued to giggle as he made goofy kissing noises at me and tickled my sides. “Run away with me, Joshua,” Joey joked, laughing as I laughed harder.
I went to shove Joey off of me, shocked when Joey was yanked up and tossed to the side like he was nothing more than a rag doll. If I'd been paying more attention to the man that had just removed Joey off of me like he was nothing, and less on Joey, I'd have realized I was next and my punishment wouldn't be quite so gentle.
Angry fingers gripped both my upper arms, digging into them as I was forcefully lifted from the floor. My head snapped back smacking into the concrete wall as he shoved me firmly against it. I wanted to beg the man that had me by the arms, pinned to the wall, to let me go but I could see it in Justin's eyes, they burned red with uncontrolled anger and hate, he wasn't letting me go. My fate was determined and there was nothing anyone could do to change that.
Joey had tried though, his effort not saving me, only prolonging my pain for a few more minutes. Justin had turned on Joey like a rabid dog the minute Joey had touched Justin's arm, yelling at him to let me go. Justin had let me go, and I should've taken the opportunity to run but I was frozen in place as I watched Justin shove Joey toward the center of the stage, screaming at him to never touch his property, me, again. Justin shoved Joey hard enough he'd bumped in to Chris, who had been trying to pull Joey away, knocking Chris against the lever that released the springboard. Three hundred pounds of steel landed on Joey's leg, crushing it, when he'd stumbled and fallen to the ground after Justin's final push. Lance ran toward Joey, having only come onto the scene, as Chris tried to lift the springboard off of Joey and pull him to safety. I started to move to offer my assistance, but Justin stepped in my path blocking my way.
The first blow hit me in my left eye causing me to stagger backwards; I never saw the second blow, or the third, or any of them after that. My arms and hands did little to shield me against Justin's wrath. By the time Justin had finished with me, I couldn't move, I was both paralyzed with fear and pain. Nobody ever heard about my trip to the emergency room that day, or my overnight stay. Joey's incident overshadowing my beating.
Makeup is one of the best things ever made. The next day I was back on set covered in makeup hiding every bruise on my face. The others were all forgiving of a repentant Justin, my forgiveness not so forthcoming. My forgiveness came later as he made love to me, promising he'd never hurt me again. Like many other battered partners, that felt they deserved what they were getting, I forgave him and allowed him to have that power over me. I had made this choice, never once listening to the warnings of the one that had offered it. I thought I had known the man I wanted but I was quickly finding out I hadn’t known him at all.
The Justin I had thought I’d known was sweat, caring and had fallen apart after his final breakup with Britney. This Justin was abusive and wanted nothing more than to control me and would do whatever he had to in order to achieve just that. It was hard for me to reconcile the man I had loved with the one I had gotten. I had made this choice to come back, no matter what the cost. I just wish I’d known at the time what that cost would really be. Maybe I’d have done things differently, but then again, I never really believed she was telling me the truth to begin with.
It wasn’t until several months later when NSYNC ended, that I realized what I had actually given up when I altered my future. I hadn’t only given up a safe and loving relationship with Jerry for an abusive relationship with Justin; I had given up my successful solo career as well. My success was now Justin’s and no matter what I did I was never able to find my own success again. I was always going to live in Justin’s shadow, exactly where he wanted me to be.
It had taken some time, a lot of alcohol and drugs, but I had finally come to terms with my life and the way it was going to be. The way Justin had made sure it would be. Imagine my surprise, once I had finally come to accept things and the way they were, to see Jerry walk back into my life. It hadn't been like the last time we'd met, this time I had loved him instantly, realizing the moment I'd seen him the mistake I had made and how badly I wished I could take it all back. I had made that wish several times over the years but not once had I meant it like I did the day I saw him, my real soul mate; the man I was really meant to be with.
I began an affair with Jerry that day, one that would last for several more years. Him being my rock and the one I turned to every time Justin had beaten me. I had kept it from Justin for longer than I had expected, him being too busy with his solo career to really worry about me. I never should’ve underestimated Justin though; I never should’ve allowed myself to think that he didn’t know every move I made and with whom. Why he had allowed me to live in this false state of freedom for so long, I will never really know, especially since I can no longer ask him.
I had thought that Justin was my future and I had risked everything I had to go back in time to change that one moment so I could find that future with him, when all along my future was really with Jerry. As I sit here writing this, I realize now that the risk I took was never going to end in the happily ever after that I had hoped for. It was always going to end in the tragedy that it had. Fate is a predetermined event, and no matter what we do to alter it, it will still happen.
I truly believe that Jerry and I were fate and we were always going to happen no matter what I did, but I have to wonder if the outcome between all of us would’ve been the same since Justin was not a part of our life, until I changed things for us. I brought the two of them together and I ultimately destroyed them both. I had thought I had loved Justin and wanted a future with him but I hadn’t. I didn’t realize how much I loved Jerry until it was too late and our new destiny had been determined. I loved Jerry with everything in me and I had loved him enough to kill the man that had taken him from me, even if that man was Justin.
Justin had come home to find Jerry with me in his bed, a risk we both knew we shouldn’t have taken, but neither of us had expected Justin to come home a week earlier than planned, and we certainly hadn’t expected him to come home carrying a loaded shotgun. I had begged Justin to spare Jerry and take my life instead but he’d only laughed and said that I would have to live with Jerry’s blood on my hands. Jerry had taken my face into his hands and forced me to look at him, kissing me softly on the lips as he spoke the last words I would ever hear him say, I love you.
The sound of the shotgun caused me to jump as Jerry’s body fell into mine, limp. Blood soaked my shirt as I shook him begging him to open his eyes and look at me as I screamed I loved him, too. Justin dropped the shotgun on the floor and turned to walk away, never uttering another word. I scrambled off the bed and picked it up pointing it at the back of his head. I demanded he turn around and face me but he only laughed and continued to walk toward the door. I never thought about the consequences to me, I no longer cared. I just pulled the trigger and watched as Justin’s body fell lifeless to the floor as the shotgun slipped from my fingers.
It could’ve been minutes or hours before the police came barreling through the door with their guns drawn, all pointing at me. My mind and body were both numb and I no longer cared about what happened to me. I just wanted this nightmare to finally end. My trial was the trial of the century and it only took minutes for the jury to convict me of multiple murders. Even in death, Justin had ruined my life. I now realize he’d planned it that way. You are probably all wondering why I’m telling you this story now, the night I am scheduled to die, when I refused to offer any defense during my trial, but I have no other choice. I have to make sure that nobody else makes the same mistakes I made. You may all think I’m crazy and what happened was all my crazy imagination, but everything I have told you is true. I haven’t snapped and I’m not insane like many would like to believe. I altered my life and the life of others all for something I thought I had wanted. You can never go back and change the choices you made; you just have to live with them and trust that those choices are what will lead you to that happily ever after we all are seeking.
JC looked up when the guard approached his cell. He closed his eyes and said a final prayer. He quietly stood, dropping the sheets of paper he’d been writing on onto the mattress before making his way to his cell door. “Are you ready?” JC nodded his head never speaking.
The room was oddly calming, even though he knew his life was about to end. He stared out through the glass at the members in the audience that had come to see him die. His three former best friends sat stoically watching from the front row as he was strapped onto the table. He didn’t even flinch when the needle was inserted into his arm; he hadn’t felt fear or pain since the night he’d watched Jerry die. A woman in the back row caught his attention. She had the same auburn hair cascading down her back and eyes as emerald as he’d remembered. She stood making her way to the front of the room, stopping just short of the glass window, everyone else in the room seeming frozen in place.
"If you could now go back and change one moment in time, Joshua, would you still do it?" She asked, her voice not quite having the same intoxicating affect it had all those years ago.
He knew he shouldn't be able to hear her through the glass, but so many things in his life he'd known shouldn't have happened, had. He laughed to himself before laying his head back on table and closing his eyes. "The only moment I want to change is the moment I agreed to your stupid offer," he whispered.
"A wise choice," she replied.
JC looked up at the glass frowning when he no longer saw the auburn-haired woman standing there, wondering for the first time since this had all begun, if he really was crazy.
"Do you have any last words you'd like to say?"
JC thought about it for a moment, shaking his head. "No, I've already said everything I need to say." JC closed his eyes and waited for the solution that was being administered, to end his life, to do it's job. "I love you, Jerry," He slurred as the darkness began to take him.
"I love you, too, Josh," Jerry whispered. "I'll see you soon."
Fate is a predetermined event and nothing you do can change that.