I watch him from the coffee shop across the street. I know it might seem kind of stalker-ish but I haven’t gotten the nerve to approach him. He’s been home in Shelby Forest for two weeks now but I’ve avoided him at every cost. I haven’t spoken to him since we were 17 and now, ten years later, I was hoping to mend what was lost. Our fight was huge, actually bigger than that. I always loved him but he was always in love with someone else. That’s the story of being best friends, right? One falls for the other and that one never notices. When I finally got the nerve to tell him, he shot me down. I’m not sure what happened after that but I do remember the screaming, the crying and my final words to him: I hate you. 

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

           A lot has changed in ten years. Staring down at my coffee, I remember being almost a hundred pounds heavier. I was pretty but I wasn’t beautiful, maybe that’s why he never noticed me. My hair was unruly and curly. I lost all that weight, cut up my hair and now I straighten is regularly. I wear glasses now, too which I’ve grown to love. I still have the same chocolate brown eyes, bright smile and caramel skin but I’m different. I don’t allow men in my life very often for fear of being hurt. A lot of my friends from when I was younger stopped talking to me after the fight with Justin. Apparently I was the one who was in the wrong. Forget that he broke my heart, told me I would never be good enough for him and that he couldn’t be see around town with a whale. I was still in the wrong for hitting him, telling him I loved him in the first place and telling him I hated him. The only thing I would change about the past is that I told him how I felt. Maybe we’d still be best friends right now. Maybe we’d even be in love.

          The bell rings as someone walks into the coffee shop but I don’t look up. I take a quick sip of my white chocolate mocha and the chair in front of me is suddenly occupied. I raise my eyes and slow grins spreads across my face, “Hey Trace.”

          He returns the grin, reaching across to grab my hand after I sat my cup down, “I saw you sitting here from across the street and couldn’t believe it! What are you doing here? I thought life in the Big Apple was better than this boring ol’ town.”

          Trace and I never lost touch and our friendship was the same as it was ten years ago. I asked him once, if Justin ever asks about me and said yes. That when I sent the photos from my college graduation, he showed them to Justin who got really emotional; Trace said he wanted to be there and so did Justin. That Justin knows just about as much that’s going on in my life as Trace does but that he wasn’t supposed to tell me. I was surprised but he also told me that Justin still has his pride and won’t grow the balls to call me himself.

          I shrug, “I love it but Mom decided that spending the holidays here was much better than them coming up there so I caved. I didn’t realize you guys were going to be in town. Why didn’t you tell me?”

          “Would you have come back if I did?” He questions, raising an eyebrow. 

         I let out a long breath, thinking about it. “Yes. It’s Christmas, Trace. I just may not have come in until Christmas Eve.”

          He laughs, the bell ringing again. We both turn around and there he is, looking around, probably for Trace. He finally spots us in the corner on the far left of the door and his face changes. I can’t read the expression but he walks towards us. Trace looks at me and smiles apologetically, “I guess I took too long. I’m sorry.”

          I wave him off, “It’s whatever. We were bound to run into each other eventually.” 

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

           Justin pulls up another empty chair from a different table, sitting right between Trace and myself. We used to do this all the time. My parents own this coffee shop and we’d spend hours here after school, doing homework and drinking cola in coffee cups so we looked cool. It felt oddly comforting. I don’t know what to say so I take another sip of my coffee and he speaks, “You look good.” 

         I take a deep breath and look over at Trace, who is grinning from ear to ear now, “Thanks. You do, too.”  He was wearing faded denim jeans and a button down white collared shirt. The top couple buttons were left unbuttoned and his shades were resting on the wife beater underneath. 

         We watch Trace stand up and look down at us, “I’m going to get a coffee. You want anything, J?”

          “An apple cider would be good,” Trace nods, heading to stand in line. He turns back to me, “Your mom still make it?”

          I nod, “Same recipe as always. Have you seen her?”

          He shakes his head, “Yeah, I’ve been coming in here since I’ve been home. She’s still crazy as ever.” He stares at me for a minute, “I’m glad I ran into you. You’ve been avoiding me, haven’t you?”

          Busted; I reluctantly confess, “I just wasn’t sure how to approach you, honestly. It’s been awhile and we didn’t exactly … end our friendship on the best terms.” 

         He licks his bottom lip, bringing his arms on the table and folding his hands together, “I never thought our friendship ended. I thought you needed time, I said some horrible, unforgivable things to you. I didn’t realize you never wanted to see me again.”

          I laugh quietly, “I said I hated you, Justin. That wasn’t exactly a ‘give me time’ indication.”

          I look over at him and his face drops, “You meant it? You hate me?”

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

           I shake my head, “I was 17. I meant it then but I don’t know. I don’t exactly hold grudges. I was waiting for you to apologize first. We’re both stubborn, so I should’ve known that wouldn’t happen. God, those first couple years were rough. You were everywhere, you know? I cried a lot. I missed you a lot. I just … didn’t think we could go back to the way we were before … you know.”

          He’s staring intently at me but then nods his head, “Before I called you what I did? Said what I did?”

          “I was going to say before I told you I love you, but that works too.”          He looks down at his hands, “I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. You caught me off guard, Cristen. I was...” He stops, looking around the store before finally back at me, “in love with you, too.”

          I look at him, my eyes widen, “No, you didn’t. You don’t say those things to someone you love, Justin.”

          “I didn’t know how to handle it. I had everyone pushing me towards all these other girls and then you. Someone I knew, I was comfortable with. Someone I wanted to spend all my time with but they kept telling me no. That you weren’t the ‘type’ of girl I needed or wanted. I was young, impressionable. I didn’t know how to say no.” He reasoned.

          “You know what? I don’t care. Honestly, that was ten years ago. Can we just … try and move forward?” I ask, my eyes pleading. I miss him and the swelling in my heart tells me I still love him, too.

          Trace sits back down, handing Justin his cider. He looks between the two us, still staring at each other, “Are you two going to make out or something? Because honestly, that would make my life a HELL of a lot easier.”

          I turn my head slowly to look at him, “What?”

          He sips whatever it is he is drinking and sighs, “Look, I love you both. Really, you guys are my two best friends but I have been playing along with this game for ten years now. Ten years of my life I will never get back. From Justin questioning me about you and your love life on a daily basis to you asking me if Justin asks about you. Seriously, dudes, you need to just sit shit aside and move on. You’re both still very much in love with each other; you’re just the only two that don’t see it.”

          I look back at Justin who is staring at Trace now, too. Talk about awkward. “We already decided to just let the past be the past. We’ve learned from it and now we are moving on. Ten years is a long time to not talk to someone. Who said anything about love?” 

         Trace shrugs, “I did. Your mom did, Justin. Old man Humphrey at the General Store. Tanya and her new husband, Stan that live across the street from your parents, Cris. Everyone but the two of you, my dear friends. You’ve both learned your lesson, now kiss and make out.”

          I bit my bottom lip, suppressing the giggles arising in my stomach, “I’m not kissing him, you retard. Let alone making out with him.” I look down at my watch and groan, “Besides, I need to get going. I still have presents to finish wrapping.”

          I move to stand but Justin places his hand over mine, “Can I come over later?”

          Trace snickers and I shot him a look, “Uhh, yeah. I’ll be there by myself until the store closes anyways.” I hug them both goodbye, throwing my cup in the trash before exiting.

             Two hours later, and half way through wrapping presents, the doorbell rings. I stand from my spot on the living room floor and walk to the door. I open it to see Justin’s smiling face. He’s holding wrapped gifts in his hands so I step to the side, letting him. He sits the gifts on the loveseat and I sit back on the floor. He follows, sitting beside me, “So, you still over buy at Christmas, huh?”

          I shoot him a look, “Shut up. I can’t help it like I like to buy everything I can find.” He reaches over me to grab the gift I was in the process of wrapping, “Put it back, boy.” 

         He stares at the two Wii games I bought for my nephew and stands up, “I’ve wanted these games! Where did you find them?” He starts to walk away.

          I stand up, following him, “At a store. I need to finish wrapping before everyone shows up, Justin. Give them back.” I’m begging. I hate that he makes me beg.

          He turns around, holding the games over his head knowing damn well I can not reach them, “Shouldn’t wait until the last minute to wrap your gifts then, Cris. Get ‘em.” 

         I narrow my eyes, “Same old Justin. Still tormenting me,” I jump but he moves, “I am going to hurt you severely for this.”

           His eyes are twinkling and he stops suddenly, his hand coming down allowing me to snatch the games from him. I turn around but he grabs my waist, pulling me back. His lips are on mine, parted before I can react. I respond just as eagerly, my arms making their way around his neck. He links his arms around my waist, and parts my lips with his tongue. After a few more seconds, I pull back but don’t remove my arms, “Justin.”

          He’s breathing is labored and he smiles, “I’ve wanted to do that since I saw you last weekend at the market.”

          “I don’t … what does this mean now?” I question, I want this. I do but I can’t take my heart being broken a second time. 

         “Slow. We’ll go slow, get our friendship back on track and go from there. I’ve learned my lesson the first time; I’m not losing you a second time.” He leans down and kisses me once more before moving out of our embrace. He heads back into the living room, grabbing another gift of mine and starting to wrap it. I watch him intently. He turns back around, waving me over to him. I smile back and take my seat beside him. It’s good to have my friend back.

 And all the things that break you,
Are all the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons learned. “Lessons Learned” – Carrie Underwood