As I shut the computer down and put my coat on I look at the picture on my desk that I have yet to take down. I just can not do it because then that means he is completely gone and out of my life forever. Thinking like that hurts too much. I guess it even hurts to look around my work building because he used to randomly show up here and surprise me on the weekends. He meant so much to me.

God, I hate that. Why do I do this to myself. I was walking home from work and I swore I saw him. The guy definitely looked a little like him with his bright blue eyes, brown hair and perfect crooked nose. But, he was just to short to be Josh.

I’ve got to get over him. I turned down his offer and hurt him more then I thought I could by saying no so it is my fault and I need to quit it. I mean I can not even blame him because he did not do anything. I over reacted and said no without out even giving the offer a chance so its my fault and i ruined it.

I miss him. How could I not? He was my life for almost a year and my weekends were consumed with flying out to random cities or showing him around my small little town. We used to have a blast here. No one new him and we could just walk around like a normal couple. I think that’s why he never complained when i asked him to come visit me because we could just be us, Riley and Josh. I’ve got to quit this, the more i think about it the more i hurt. So i put down the picture of us in my living room and crawled in to bed....even though it is 7 on a Friday night.

What is that noise? I rolled over in bed and looked at the clock....3:30 in the morning. You have got to be kidding me, what am I doing awake at 3:30 in the morning. I should still be asleep dreaming about him. ‘Knock, knock, knock’ There it is again someone is knocking at my door. Who in the world would be knocking at my door at this time.

I climbed out of bed and threw on a sweatshirt that just so happens to be his because like i said i just can’t bring myself to get rid of anything that belongs to his. I don’t even think that i have washed the pillow he used to sleep on when he would spend the night here. As I got to my door the pounding started again, "Hold on I’m coming!" Wow, whoever is at the door is really impatient i thought as i unlocked the door and peered through the crack......

Now I think I’m in shock, or delusional. Am I really staring into those blue eyes I’ve longed to see since I ran away from them. " Josh?" I asked as I finally was able to find my voice.

"Hey Riley. Sorry it’s so late did I wake you up??" he said with this apprehensive smile, almost like he knew he had done something wrong. God that smile, seeing that smile again is like seeing a dream. It almost feels like this isn’t real.

"He...hey josh. Yeah i was asleep, but that’s okay. What are you doing here??" I say to him as I look at his face trying to memorize everything about it because I know that this is probably a final good-bye or something.

" I’m sorry it took me so long to get here, but I was so angry I couldn’t even look at you rye. I need to think about things and figure out where I went wrong." He stated as he ran a hand through this hair. As he did this I noticed that he’s let it grow out a little bit, its starting to get wavy.

" NO Josh!! You didn’t do anything wrong! It was never you, it was me. I completely spazzed after you asked me to move to L.A. with you, and I just took off. I’m sorry!! I should have stayed and talked to you about everything but I just froze and the first thing I thought to do was run" I think I said that in all one breath because I am literally so afraid that he is going to snap at any moment and not let me get one word out.

" Breathe Rye, Breathe. I’m not going anywhere yet I just want us to sit down and talk about this because I feel like there is just a void there and I can’t quit thinking about it so we need to talk. You need to tell me why you didn’t love me enough to move in with me!" The more he’s talking the more he started to raise his voice and you could tell that he is getting frustrated by the way his ears are turning red.

" Josh! How could you say that?! I Never ever stopped loving you. I loved you more then life itself and I was so incredibly happy with you! It had nothing to do with how much I loved you"

"Well what was it then??? You loved me more then life itself but you don’t want to move in with me?! I don’t get it Riley!"

By this time I feel the tears coming. " Josh, I did love you more then life itself quite thinking that I didn’t love you enough because I did. It was because it was L.A. Josh, L.A. Look at where we are at now! We are in the middle of the Frozen Tundra that I call North Dakota. That is a big change for me. I’m sorry, I really am and if I could take it back right now I would. I would give anything to go back in time and stay and work everything out with you! I loved you so much Josh, I Still Love You sooo incredibly much I feel like I can’t breathe sometimes." I just couldn’t hold anything back anymore I was sobbing by this time and he was a bit blurry, but I was just glad he was standing in front of me.

" Really?! You still Love me Rye? Do you really mean that?" By this time all I can to do is nod. "Good Riley Elizabeth because I love you too. I never stopped and if I Have to I am going to make you move to LA with me!" He said with a chuckle.

"I Don’t care anymore. All I care about is being with you no matter what." This has got be a dream! I’m getting my second chance. He’s here telling me he still wants me. This has got to be the best moment of my life.

"That’s the best thing that I have every heard come out of your mouth Rye," He states as he gets this sly smirk on his face, "now shut up and let me kiss you!" He doesn’t have to ask me twice. So I close my eyes and right as I feel his lips begin to touch mine.......

*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*

My eyes pop open and shoot up in bed. " You have got to be kidding me!" I look at the clock and it says 9:30 AM. Oh my god that wasn’t real. I can not believe that wasn’t real. This has got to be some kind of joke. I look next to me thinking maybe it was real and I’m just being dumb, nope no josh. God, I can even smell him still. That dream was way to real for me. I feel my face and it is soaked with tears, " Screw this!! I’m staying in bed for the rest of the day!" I scream to myself as I throw the covers back over my head...