She let out a deep sigh as she watched him in his kitchen. She could feel him pulling away from her further and further every day. No matter how hard she tried to hold on she could feel herself losing him. She tried to spend time with him as much as possible. She walked her dog with his. She picked up playing golf because he loved it. She traveled to Tennessee to visit his family on Holidays even when she longed to just spend time with her own.

Gossip websites labeled her a clinger or a leech. His fans hated how in every picture of him with her he looked miserable. They’ve said she doesn’t deserve their Justin. That she’s not pretty enough or she’s too manly looking. They’ve hurt her feelings but he’s just laughed and told her it comes with the territory of being his girlfriend. She’s sucked it up because she loved him but now she’s wondering if it was worth it. If he was worth it.

She knew she could walk away at any time. The only thing was he knew that too. She loved him though, too much to just walk away. She couldn’t imagine her life without him. It was hard for her to love a man who decided being with her could hold him back. She never wanted to hold him back or tie him down. She had told him that during one of their fights, when he threatened to end things. It had allowed her to keep him a bit longer but now even that wouldn’t work.

We said goodbye. Tried her hand at magic.
But we couldn't make us disappear.
Not a day goes by I don't wish I had you.
So run away, I'm glad you're still here.
It's a bitter sweet victory.
Lovin' the ghost in front of me.

Now I can't laugh, can't cry.
And I can't run, can't hide.
What do I gotta do?
What do I gotta do to keep you?
What do I gotta do to keep you from doing this to me?

She had tried to take the easy way out. She wrote some notes. A lame way to end a two year relationship, if you could call it that, she knows but doing it face to face seemed harder than she ever imagined. They’re now lying in her dresser drawer under a pile of clothes. He would never find them unless she left with all her stuff. Not that he would care.

Those words on those pieces of paper came back to haunt her every night as she laid awake. All the things she could never say to his face. One note she wrote in love, letting him know how much she loved him, how much she needed him. Every sentence harking back to murmurings of “I love yous” and “I can’t live without yous” but they were just words on a piece of paper he would never read.

The other note she wrote in anger, letting him know how much she was hurting, how she was better off without him. Every word laced with angry venom meant to hurt him even just a little bit. Though at this point she didn’t know if it would.

She ran her finger along the rim of her coffee mug, her eyes watching his every move as he fixed his own cup of joe. His tense frame, letting her know this was the end.

She could have had someone else. For a while there she did. When he kicked her off his tour because he was too busy trying to get close to Rachel’s best friend. The same best friend who now had his heart even though she didn’t know it yet.

She could have continued on with the affair and he never would have known but every time she was alone the guilt ate at her. No one could touch her like he did. No one could make her happy like he did. The affair and the way he forgave her when she admitted it just made her love him even more.

I wrote a couple of notes.
One in love, one in anger.
They're lying there dying in the dresser drawer.
Lived louder than my voice. Struggled through a stranger.
He loved me until I loved you even more.
It's a bitter sweet victory.
Lovin' someone else who wanted me.

Now I can't laugh, can't cry.
And I can't run, can't hide.

Every time he left the house she wondered if he’d bother coming back. She wondered if he even thought about her when he was around her. She could say she wasn’t used to it but that was the whole problem. She was used to the pain of him randomly leaving whenever he felt like it. She was numb to the sting as he blatantly flirted with Rachel’s best friend and tried to get closer to her even though she refused to help him cheat. Now she just couldn’t feel anything.

She couldn’t feel the sparks she used to get when his lips touched hers or her skin. She couldn’t feel the tingle that resonated through her body any time his fingers caressed or skimmed her skin. She couldn’t feel the warmth from his body heat when he held her. Hell, now she couldn’t even feel her own heart beat anymore.


You get used to the pain, and numb to the sting
Till you can't feel anything.

“Jess, this isn’t working…” being murmured broke her out of her daze.

He said it with a sigh like he just said it was raining outside and he wasn’t breaking her heart.

“We’ve known that for some time. I’m miserable. You’re miserable.” Was uttered as he ran his hands over his face before daring to look in her direction.

She shook her head disagreeing with every word she muttered. She wanted to scream “I’m not miserable!” but instead she bit the inside of her lip as her tears started to flow. She didn’t wipe them away when he looked at her so disapprovingly.

He took a deep breath and shook his head as he leaned against the kitchen counter, coffee mug in hand, “This isn’t worth your tears.”

A few moments of silence passed between them. Him, blowing the steam off the top of his coffee mug. Her, taking slow sips from her coffee mug as her “
tears continued to quietly fall.

“Why?”

The one word she’s wondered over and over. Only to herself and never to him but there it was. Uttered out in the open for the first time since it crossed her mind all those months ago.

“I got comfortable with you. You started out as my girlfriend and became just my friend. I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.”

Words she didn’t want to hear. Words she couldn’t hear.

“Justin, tell me…is this about Teagan? Do you love her now?”

Questions she should have asked long time ago. Long before it came to this.

“I wish there was an easier way to explain this. I’ve always loved Teagan. She’s just been with someone else. Now she isn’t…if I don’t tell her how I feel now I’ll never get a chance. It isn’t fair to you or to me to continue this relationship. You know that. Don’t act like you don’t know that.”

You tried to explain, but I couldn't hear it.
As if your words were my tears.
Flowing freely, warm and quiet.
From the edges of my eyes and my ears.
Then all that disappears.

Now I can't laugh, can't cry.
And I can't run, can't hide.


She slowly wiped away her tears, pressing her lips together as she nodded her head. She stood up from her stool and made her way upstairs. He didn’t follow her. Hell, he didn’t even move from his spot in the kitchen when she made her departure.

She grabbed her one suitcase that held random outfits because he didn’t want to share his closet towards the end of their relationship. She opened that dresser drawer and gathered up her clothing. Finding the two notes at the bottom of it, her breath catching in her throat as she pulled them out in the open. She slowly closed the dresser drawer behind her as she took a seat on his bed.

Pieces of paper in her hand. Ink blurring from her tears. Words lost because he broke her heart.

She tried to ball them up and throw them in the trash but her heart wouldn’t let her. She opened them up again, smoothing them out and placing them both on top of the dresser drawer. Maybe he would finally read them.

Then she heard it.

Her voice mixed with Rachel’s, all giggly and happy. She had no idea how lucky she was to have his heart.

She angrily grabbed both letters and stuffed them in her suitcase before zipping it up. She put the suitcase on the floor, grabbing the handle before taking one more look around his bedroom.

Teagan would be in there now. That would be her drawer in his dresser now. She began to cry again as she realized that. She wiped away her tears once more before making her way down the stairs, pulling her suitcase behind her.


Now I can't laugh, can't cry.
And I can't run, can't hide.

“Oh hey Jessica. I didn’t know you were here. We were just talking about Justin’s upcoming birthday party.” Teagan said excitedly as Jessica just stared at her.

What do you say to the woman stealing your boyfriend when she doesn’t even know she’s doing it?

Teagan just stood there waiting for a response but she couldn’t say a word as she stood at the bottom of the stairs. She looked over at Justin, her eyes meeting his blue eyes as he glared at her and shook his head. Always the sweet Southern man when Teagan’s around.


“Jess, were you crying?” Teagan asked her, concern shining through in her thick Southern accent, “Why were you crying honey? J, why is she crying?”

If this had been any other time she would have been touched by Teagan’s concern but now…Now she just felt like the universe was just playing some sick joke on her.

You’re not supposed to like the girl taking your place and taking your man.

“We broke up…like five minutes ago Teag.”

He said it so easily, with his patented smirk on his face and his arms crossed. Standing there so smug as Teagan mouthed an “oh” and plastered on a sad smile as she faced her.

Her replacement felt sorry for her.

She shook her head as she headed towards the front door. She turned around one last time as she faced Justin and took a deep breath.

“Would I have been able to keep you if I was more like her?” She asked before she walked out the front door and to her car.

She slammed her car door behind her and gripped the steering wheel.

No one bothered to follow her out. No one bothered to beg her to stay. They were probably sitting in there laughing at her. Why did she have to ask him that before she left?

A stupid question from a stupid girl.

She had stopped crying a while ago. She stopped laughing months ago. She wasn’t going to run or hide anymore. She just couldn’t stop asking him…


What do I gotta do?
What do I gotta do to keep you?
What do I gotta do to keep you from doing this to me?