Chapter One – The Boss, the Boyfriend, and The Ex

When I woke up today I didn’t feel like anything out of the ordinary was going to happen. I got up around 7:45 this morning, per usual, showered, and grabbed a quick bite to eat with my cousin Rachael at Griddle Café. This is by far the best place to get breakfast. If you’ve never tried the Apple Cobbler French Toast you really need to. It’s amazing. After that, I lounged around on the couch for a couple hours dozing on and off to the Sports Channel.

It’s the simple things that I love about being able to take a break, when I’m not scheduled to make any appearances anywhere. I don’t have to do shit but relax. If I don’t want to be seen I don’t have to be. If I feel like a little attention it’s as easy as taking a stroll outside or going for a ride somewhere. The downside of that would be that even when I don’t want the attention, but I want to go somewhere, I have to involuntarily volunteer myself to it. It’s hard going back into the spotlight. All of the fucking media attention and having to do shit all of the time, it can get the best of anyone.

As I was saying, my day started off normal enough. Jess called me around noon, asking me to stop by her house while she talked with one of her applicants to be her new assistant. I wasn’t planning on doing anything else that required leaving the house, but she really wanted my opinion on the girl, saying something along the lines of ‘You’re a good judgement of character’, so I figured it wouldn’t kill me to go do that real quick. I called Trace on the way out so I could swing by his place to pick him up, then maybe after we could go do something.

It’ll be good for me to go over there. Jessica and I haven’t spent much time together, what with her finalizing everything to go to Texas to film some low budget indie film. I’m waiting for her to ask me to tag along. She always does. For some reason she thinks I enjoy sitting around on the set watching some boring ass film being made that won’t even make it to theaters. Now, that’s not to say that Jess can’t act, because she does have talent, but she always picks the lowest parts that don’t amount to anything to side step being type cast.

When I let Trace and myself into Jessica’s house, she and her agent Kim Hodgert were sitting on the couch animatedly talking about something that caused a laugh to emit from Jess.

“Hey y’all,� I let my presence be known, walking over to Jessica to plant a kiss on her cheek.

“Hey,� Trace included.

“What’s going on?� I asked.

“Nothing, just waiting for our appointment to show up,� Kim glanced at her watch with an irritated sigh.

I couldn’t help but wonder if they had been waiting for a long time. By the looks of things, a platter of hors d’oeuvres sitting in the middle of the coffee table half eaten and a couple bottles of water surrounding it gone it had to have been awhile.

“We’ve been sitting here for almost two hours,� Jess answered my unasked question as I took a seat on the love seat cater corner to them.

“Two hours?� Trace questioned with surprise.

“Yeah, it looks like she might be a no show. How have you been, Trace?� Kim smiled softly at Trace as he took the seat next to me. “I haven’t seen you in awhile.�

“I’ve been busy with the clothing line and living life, you know?�

“Yeah, I know what you mean. I’ve been pretty busy myself,� she admitted. “You look really great. Lose some weight?�

“It’s so nice of you to notice!� He fluttered his eyelashes playfully, swatting his hand bashfully towards her. “Yeah, I started working out with Justin a little while ago.�

“Yeah,� I interjected playfully, “When I first got him in the gym he couldn’t even jog on the treadmill for longer than ten minutes at a time. Now he beats my ass on it.�

“I never liked working out much,� he admitted honestly. “But Justin goes to the extreme with it sometimes.�

“Hey now,� I pouted. “I just like being fit, and not having to worry about feeling bad when I go for that extra piece of cake, or two, or twelve.�

“Anyway,� Trace shook his head at me. “Even if I don’t look better, I certainly feel better. And I like that.�

“And how have you been, Justin?�

“I can’t complain. I haven’t seen you in awhile, though. I think the last time I saw you …� I trailed off trying to remember.

“It was at Jessica’s last charity event,� Kim reminded me.

“Oh yeah,� I snapped my finger with a nod. “You haven’t been over working yourself have you?�

“God no, you know I don’t do anymore work than I absolutely have to,� she joked with a wink. “No but, I’ve just been begging and groveling trying to find your girlfriend a job.� She nudged Jessica lightheartedly, causing Jessica to shake her head with a smile.

“It has been hard, but hopefully this movie in Texas will earn some publicity,� she shrugged her shoulders rather gloomily.

“I’m sure it will, babe,� I encouraged positively.

I’m confident in her abilities, but I still think she needs to pick better roles. And it’s not like the roles aren’t offered to her, she just wants to pick things that have a deeper meaning with more creative thought put into it, which nine times out of ten means they’re not going to be critically acclaimed box office hits. You can’t tell her anything. I guess I do understand, because when it comes to my music I don’t want to hear anything that conflicts with my thoughts or feelings either. But I do know that to make progress you have to do some shit you don’t like sometimes.

“I hope so. I’m going to try my hardest, and the promotion is supposed to be really groovy this time, so …� She trails off when her eyes look down towards the floor. I can tell she’s in a vulnerable state right now, and when she gets like that there’s nothing that you can do to change it.

I nodded my response before asking, “So, y’all have really been sitting here for over an hour?�

Kim nodded. “And it’s only because I talked to the woman over the phone and she seems really great for the job. Plus, she really sounds like someone Jessica could click with. I would hate to miss out on that because she decided not to come out. I know she lives all the way on the other side of L.A, so hopefully that’s the reason.�

So there we sat for an extra thirty minutes talking amongst ourselves. Obviously punctuality was not this person’s strong suit if it were she would’ve had the courtesy to show up on time or call for that matter. I know that if it had been me waiting this long – this would’ve been completely unacceptable. I would’ve had my decision fifteen minutes after the time she was supposed to be here. Knowing Kim, I know that she’s thinking the same thing, but Jess can be such a push over sometimes I’m sure she convinced Kim to wait it out.

I was talking to Trace when the doorbell chimed through the house letting us know that our waiting had not been in vain. I was in the middle of a sentence about a new design for the clothing line when the last person I expected to ever see again came through the door wearing a navy blue dress that clung to her frame perfectly, her neckline dipped slightly exposing her creamy light brown skin, light ruffles circled the bottoms of the sleeves as well as the bottom of the dress which stopped at knee length. Her heels clicked and clacked from the front door into the living room where she stopped dead in the middle, regret written all over her face. I recognized the mocha skinned woman as well, her head was bent slightly intensely texting away on her sidekick. She was dressed down wearing a pair of loose sweats and a white t-shirt, her ponytail hidden under a baseball cap.

My eyes shifted over to Trace who had to do a thirty take before settling his perturbed eyes on mine. I could only shrug dumbfounded, completely discombobulated by these two showing up in the most random place to ever pop up into my life after so long. I’m sure my eyes were as wide as they possibly could be, popping out of my skull and shit. But what the fuck?

“I am so sorry,� she began apologizing profusely. “There was this huge accident on the highway, and then I had to turn around and Google different directions to get here, in the midst of all of that my phone died.� Her hands went every which way as her apologies rambled on in a blubbery mess. “I am so very sorry to keep y’all waiting,� the southern twang in her voice was very prominent.

Jessica’s smile was warm and understanding as she stood to shake her hand. “It’s okay. It happens. I’m Jessica Biel. I know we haven’t formally met, but I’ve heard a lot of great things about you.�

“Kelsi Daniels,� she introduced herself as, extending a dainty manicured hand towards Jessica.

“I want to introduce you to my agent Kim Hodgert. I believe you two talked on the phone a couple times.�

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Kelsi.� Kim smiled genuinely while taking Kelsi’s hand in hers. It’s hard to believe that only seconds earlier she was beyond annoyed.

“The same, Kim,� Kelsi smiled brightly, a set of dimples appearing deep in her cheeks. Those dimples …those dimples can be the downfall to any man, trust me I know. She has gorgeous teeth, and when she smiles it literally sets off an entire room. Her smile is one of her best features, and that’s saying a lot because there’s nothing on her body that isn’t damn near perfect. “I appreciate you guys allowing me to bring someone along with me. This is my friend Keisha Walker,� she smiled to her left towards Keisha who finally tore herself away from her phone long enough to shake hands with Jessica and Kim before excusing herself to text feverishly again.

“Kelsi, I’d like to introduce you to my boyfriend Justin Timberlake.� Kelsi’s smile fell completely from her face when she turned to me. I guess she remembered where she was, because she quickly grinned tightly as I stood to greet her. Her dimples were still there, but they were fainter, and they never were if her smile was genuine. This was the first time since Keisha set foot in here that she shut the screen to her sidekick and dropped it into her purse. Her eyes traveled between me and Kelsi, but she didn’t say anything. “Get used to him, because if you’re hired you will be seeing his face more than you want to.�

Kelsi blinked rapidly, her face blank.

“Hi …Mr. Timberlake,� she made no effort to shake my hand that was extended between us.

“Just call me Justin. It’s nice to meet you, Kelsi.� I decided to play along, my eyes never leaving hers. If she wanted to pretend like she didn’t know me, then I wasn’t going to make a big deal about it. We could play this game if she really wanted to. I knew it would be my place to bring this kind of information to the surface, but it’d be better that Jessica not know all the sordid details. “You too, Keisha,� I called out to her friend who stood there like she wished she could be anywhere else.

The way Kelsi’s eyes were burning into my skin – I wish I could’ve been anywhere but there.

“Please, have a seat,� Jessica pointed over to the chair that Keisha was leisurely sitting across the arm of. I was very aware of Kelsi’s uncomfortable vibe, hell I was uncomfortable. But Jessica didn’t seem to notice anything out of the ordinary, which again was probably for the best.

So Kelsi sat; legs scooted close together, her clutch purse laid across her lap with her hands gripping on to it firmly. Her eyes never left the vicinity of Kim and Jess. However, my eyes couldn’t leave her sight. They were magnetically drawn to her no matter how hard I tried to look away. The disbelief of her being all up in my space was more than my body could handle, more than my mental state could handle.

“Kelsi, do you have your resume with you?� Kim asked.

“Yes, I do,� Kelsi mumbled distractedly, turning to Keisha who handed her the piece of paper that I wasn’t aware was in her hands. She then passed it over to Kim who looked over it with an extremely impressed look on her face. “It says here that you interned for Donald Trump …how was that?� Kim handed the resume over to Jessica before giving her full attention back to Kelsi.

“I really loved working for Mr. Trump. It was a great learning experience for me. He’s a very busy man, so with so much going on in his life I really got a front seat ride on how busy things can become. And you know, it was fun being apart of a team that was responsible for putting some structure in to his life. I know he puts on a tough front, and he wants everyone to think he’s this real tough cookie, but he was really sweet …and he taught me a lot. He took me under his wing I guess you could say. He coached me on a lot of things that I don’t think I could’ve learned anywhere else.�

“If I were to call Donald Trump right now,� Kim laughed as soon as the words came out of her mouth. Like you can just pick up the phone and dial Donald Trump whenever you want. He has to easily be the hardest man to contact personally. “Do you think he’d have anything negative to say about you?�

“Over all, I don’t think so,� she replied honestly. “I was always on the job one hundred percent every time. I don’t give anything less that I wouldn’t want to receive back. I guess the only thing I could think of …that he might have some things to harp on would be …� She pursed her lips in thought, probably trying to figure out how to put her words together. “My attitude can get the best of me sometimes.�

“How so?� Jessica chimed in, never looking away from the resume in her hands.

“Well …I can handle tough situations really well. I mean, I’m good in really hectic, fast paced, time sensitive situations – but as I’m sure you know when things start to get really chaotic, negativity has a way of getting the best of you. I completely shut down in that type of environment, you know, when everybody’s vibe is horrible including my own. I become the ugliest bitch, excuse my language,� she chuckled when Kim and Jessica laughed, “That you would never want to meet. Mr. Trump and I …we clashed a lot in that way, because even though, as I said before, he really is a sweet guy …he, too has his own way of thinking. We bumped heads a few times, but I try to keep it professional unless it totally gets the best of me. But, I’m not perfect and I would never claim to be. I guess the only thing I can say to that is that you take the good with the bad.�

“And you’d rather we find out about the bad now instead of learning about it unexpectedly later …� Jessica nodded, understanding where she was coming from.

“Right! I just don’t want to build up any false hope, because …I’m going to screw up sometimes, not very often but it does happen. But what I can say to you on that is that when it does happen I will do everything in my power to resolve whatever situation.

“I like a person that can make a mistake, know they made the mistake, and then try their best to fix it. I really admire people like that, because it’s not an easy thing to do. To even admit to a mistake is pretty difficult, especially on the job.�

“Yeah, it is pretty difficult,� Kelsi agreed with a couple nods of her head. “But I always try my best so that it doesn’t even come to that point of me having to fix it.�

“I’m sure already know the regular responsibility that goes along with this job. Jessica’s life can be really busy at times, and there are going to be times where she’s flying all over everywhere for business reasons,� Kim explained. “Or just to get some peace and quiet on a little get away trip. Mostly you would be flying back and forth from New York to L.A whenever she may need you, but let’s say if you get the job, she’s about to fly out to Texas for a three month period filming a movie …would you be able to handle that in such short notice?�

“I’m very adapting to things like that. That’s why I always make sure to leave my home phone number, my cell number, my email,� she chuckled lightly. “Whatever my boss needs to reach me by will be available to them. I understand and have accepted the fact that my job is on call and that whenever you need me I have to be available. So, rest assured that when you need me on the next plane out I will be ready, Ipod in hand to go wherever I need to.�

“Alright,� Jessica leaned over, crossing her arms over her legs to look at Kelsi. “Let’s say, I’m PMSing,� that caused all of the females to laugh. Trace and I shifted uncomfortably in our seats. It’s not that it grosses me out. I mean, it’s a natural process of being a woman. I just don’t want to have to hear about the shit. There are certain things that females don’t need to know about men, and then there are certain things that men don’t need to know about females. This is at the top of my list of do not need nor do I want to know. “And let’s say that I drag you out of bed, hair looking a mess, in your PJs to go across town to get me a Strawberries and Crème frap. Would you be okay with that?�

“Luckily, I know what it’s like to be a female and to have cravings. So, you better believe that I might be cursing you out on the drive there and back but you’ll have your Strawberries and Crème. There won’t be any verbal complaints,� she cracked with a grin.

As long as I’ve known Kelsi she’s always known to work a room. Always. She’s always been cunning and charming – she could work the pants off of any dude or a girl. It didn’t matter. I could tell that she was gradually becoming more comfortable in the setting. I guess she was blocking me out all together, and that’s fine. I didn’t expect her to greet me with open arms. Hell, truth be told I never expected to see her again.

But here she is …

“Well Kelsi, I think I’ve heard all I needed to hear. What about you, Jessica?�

“Yeah,� she nodded with her agreement. “Kim and I are going to take a quick break in the kitchen to discuss everything. I hope you don’t mind sitting here for a second,� Kelsi shook her head that she didn’t. “Great. I don’t think it’ll take too long.� Jessica jerked her head for me to follow the two of them into the kitchen.

What to do?

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Oh my fucking God! Can someone please tell me how my life has become such a clusterfuck?

Today started out shitty enough, and guess what? It’s not getting any better. I woke up an hour late, my curling iron apparently died in its sleep, so I ended up having to flat iron my hair. Well, I did not have a flat iron hair outfit ready, so that took me some time to acquire. Time that I did not have. My best friend Keisha was supposed to come pick me up but her car broke down on the way, so I had to go get her instead. I took the express way to get here faster, not bothering to watch the News like I always do, if I had I would’ve known that there was a big fucking accident that caused the entire shit to be blocked off! On top of that, when I was trying to call Jessica and Kim my cell phone died. I guess I forgot that I had taken my car charger out a couple nights ago for whatever reason.

Fast forward to actually making it here, and I come to find out that my very, very, very, very, very distant ex boyfriend is my soon to be boss’ (if I get hired) current boyfriend. Isn’t that fucking fabulous? Isn’t that just saw your own legs off, bite your tongue and swallow it fantastic?

Yeah, not.

I don’t know if he was as shocked to see me as I was to see him, but …I just can’t believe it. And I thought that I had left all of my feelings in the past – I’m sure that I did. But all of the anger that was left with me when I saw him last is starting to resurface. And I assure you that I’m over it. I’m so far over it that I can’t even see the shit anymore, but …I can still feel it deep down in the very pit of my stomach. I think seeing him so unexpectedly, shell shocked my feelings so they don’t know what the fuck they want to feel.

I guess I’ll go on and give the reader’s digest of my relationship with Justin.

Justin and I grew up in Memphis together. My parents literally still live down the street from his parents. I knew Justin before he moved off to be on The Mickey Mouse Club, and way before millions of girls around the world were screaming his name. He, Trace, and I were three peas in a pod that could not be separated. We did everything together.

I was a real tom boy when I was a kid and Justin really liked that about me. When we got to middle school I was still as much of a tom boy as I had ever been I just had the grace of a girl and the boobs, and that’s what Justin really liked about me. We developed little crushes on each other, nothing that we pursued, because like I said he was shipped of to start filming the show and we didn’t really know how to handle it. By the time I got half way through high school Justin started touring the world with his musical group *NSYNC, and any talks we shared about being an item soon dispersed for his career. I understood, of course, because it was something he was so genuinely passionate about. I wouldn’t want to stand in the way of that.

Justin started dating Britney Spears while I dated someone from our home town. In all honesty, that whole situation never boded well with me. I would’ve waited on pins and needles for Justin, but he made it abundantly clear that he was with Britney, was in love with Britney, and that I needed to find someone I could feel that way about. I had no other choice but to respect his decision, so Justin and I remained long distant friends until the whole thing with him and Britney went down. He found out about her cheating several months before they broke up publically. I remember he called me one night to talk and before I knew it I was on a private jet in the middle of the night to So Cal to spend the remaining time on the Celebrity tour with him. Yeah, he had it like that even back in the day with *NSYNC. Something clicked inside the both of us when we were actually able to spend that time together to revisit our feelings and what we wanted out of each other. It was a good way to get to know each other again without any outside relationship distractions. Our intimate friendship picked back up again, and we actually started dating exclusively.

The whole reason why it never made headline news was because his record label thought it would be hurtful to his career if anyone knew he was dating a black girl. Yeah, Johnny Wright, a successful black man – he was apart of the whole decision. So, I stayed tucked away in my own little corner, seen only in the public eye as Justin’s close friend. It was kind of weird, because I was photographed a lot by the paparazzi with Justin all hours of the night and nobody ever questioned anything. They automatically assumed I was his friend. I know I’m not an ugly girl, people tell me all the time, so I don’t know why it was so easy to dismiss me as that. It hurt, it hurt a lot, and it hurt our relationship a lot. The one thing that hurt the most is that he didn’t even stick up for me, not once. I don’t know how it is now, or how he is, but back then he would do anything for his career. That was his main goal in life, and it didn’t matter to him whether or not it hurt anyone else, just so long as Justin Timberlake’s image was not compromised in any way.

The whole race fiasco really took a toll on us especially when rumors came flying each and every way about Justin and some other celebrity chick getting busy somewhere. And it wasn’t like the stories were once a month, they were coming every which way several times a week. But I trusted Justin. I trusted him through it all, even through the Cameron Diaz rumors. And even though he started dating her right after we broke up, I still didn’t think he cheated on me with her.

He did cheat on me, however, with someone – one time that I know of. I don’t know her name, and I never got to see her face, but there was something extremely familiar about her. She flew out of the room so fast that all I got to see was her retreating form before I laid one into Justin so thick he probably still thinks about it till this day. I had been so physically and emotionally torn down by everything that went on in our relationship that one night with that nameless woman was the nail in the coffin. I broke all ties with Justin that night, we never talked again, and that was some time in ’04.

The breakup hurt a lot at the time. I dived heavily into college, so that helped. He was my first real relationship, before him I dated here and there but nothing that was ever as substantial. I really gave a fighting chance for Justin and he blew that shit away like he didn’t care at all about me, and maybe he didn’t. That’s not true. I know that he cared for me. We were friends from the beginning; of course he had love for me, but …maybe he was never in love with me. But the days turned into weeks which turned into months and eventually when I didn’t see his face all the time, and when I stopped checking up on him via the internet it got easier to deal with. The heartache and pain eventually subsided into nothing, then after awhile I didn’t feel anything for him.

That’s why I don’t understand this rage burning up inside of me.

“Can you believe this shit?� Keisha’s harsh whisper brought me spiraling back into reality. I must’ve dazed off, watching the small group huddled in the kitchen as they talk about me.

“No …this is definitely unbelievable shit,� I responded. I can’t take my eyes off of him. He’s grown so much. I know that’s a ridiculous thing to say, considering he was a grown ass man when I left him, but when we parted he was this thugged out white boy with bling in his ears, and now he looked so mature. He seemed so different. It was a totally different person that I didn’t know at all.

“Are you okay?� That question managed to jerk my head in her direction.

“I’m fine,� I snapped rudely. “Why wouldn’t I be?�

“I don’t know,� she shrugged her shoulders lamely.

“I’m fine,� I repeated, this time more softly.

“You look like you’re about to bite someone’s head off.�

“I’m just …tired.� I wasn’t completely lying.

She gave me a look that she didn’t believe it. “I know how you are, Kelsi. I don’t want you to freak out about this.�

“Freak out about what?�

“Working in such close proximities to Justin, I mean.�

“Pssh,� I waved my hand in at her dismissively. “It’s not that big of a deal,� I lied.

“Who are you bullshitting? You and Justin don’t have the best history. If this were a history class you’d both fail.�

“Any feelings I had towards Justin were dead and gone a long ass time ago,� I assured her, also trying to reassure myself in the process. It’s not working so well for me. I mean, I know I not still in love with the dude, I just …I don’t know how I feel. She opened her mouth to speak, “Don’t even start.�

“What?� She batted her eyelashes innocently.

“You were about to screech out the lyrics to Dead and Gone, and that’s the last thing I need right now.�

She chuckled, sitting back and taking out her cell phone to check it. The girl never gets off her phone. “You know me too well.�

“That’s not necessarily a good thing.�

My face scrunched in pain when she viciously pushed my shoulder. “That’s what you get for smarting off when you can’t fully protect yourself.� She was lucky that I wasn’t in a place where I could stick my stiletto heel up her ass. “What did you want to do after this?�

“I’m not sure,� my gaze went back over to Justin who looked at me for a second before turning back to Jessica to say something else to her. I feel so much awkward tension and I think I’m the only one that feels it. I don’t think there’s any actual awkwardness. I’m probably creating it all in my head, but every time I look at him I feel it.

“I’m starving. Do you want to go get something to eat afterwards?�

“I suppose we could,� I told her faintly, unenthusiastically. Truth was I don’t think I could eat anything even if I wanted to.

“Where do you want to eat?� Keisha questioned.

“I don’t know,� I answered distractedly.

“Hmm,� she sounded off behind me as I watched the group walk back in settling into their former seats.

“Sorry to keep you waiting so long,� Jessica apologized.

“It’s no problem, really,� I assured her, offering a smile that I wasn’t really feeling at the time. I just needed to get away from there as soon as possible. I felt caged in all of a sudden. It came out of nowhere.

“We appreciate you coming out here today, Kelsi. We would like to offer you the position, but we do have a few more interviews scheduled for this week. I’ll be sure to get a hold of you at the end of this week with our decision,� Kim informed me.

I smiled graciously, standing on my feet I got my resume off of the table. “I appreciate your time, and thanks for talking with me even after being so incredibly late. I apologize again for that.�

I said my goodbyes to everyone minus Justin and Trace. I didn’t even spare a passing glance their way. I barely talked to them, so there wasn’t any real reason to bid them a farewell. I just needed to get out of that house, man. It was suffocating the shit out of me.

“Kelsi …� I hear Keisha say my name beside me as I back out of Jessica’s parking lot, driving out of her gated community.

“Not now Keisha.� My right hand searches the compartment between our seats for my sunglasses, when I find them I slip them over my eyes then turn the knob on the volume – Lady Gaga’s Just Dance blared through my speakers. As if I needed to hear that damn song anymore. I flipped through my presets only to settle back to Lady Gaga when there isn’t anything else better to listen to.

The drive was quiet for some time as I thought over the reason why they didn’t give me a distinct answer today. I knew it had something to do with Justin. I just knew it. He probably told his beloved girlfriend that I was no good for the job, or some other bullshit that’s completely untrue. They’d call me later to tell me they picked someone better suited for the job, which will be even more bullshit, ‘cause I know I’m good at my job. Nobody ever wants to get rid of me, but I always need a change of pace every now and again, so I switch from celebrity to celebrity every couple of years. Another thing that I learned from Mr. Trump: never stay with one person it’ll only stifle your growth. So, I never stay with someone past a few years, and that’s proven to be quite good for my career.

“You know …� I started, but trailed off.

“What?�

“He did something didn’t he?� I questioned, turning down Kelly Clarkson’s My Life Would Suck Without You. “I bet you his bitch ass said something to her,� I answered my own question.

“What are you talking about Kelsi?�

“Justin …he fucking …he did something, man. Why else wouldn’t they tell me if I got the job or not? I’ve never gone to an interview and not know that day whether I got it or not.�

“Not everybody is the same.�

“Yeah, ok,� she did have a point. “But not everyone has my ex-boyfriend manipulating their decision, either,� I explained as I turned on the ramp to get on the highway. “He did something.� I’m so sure of it.

“If you say so,� I see her shake her head in the corner of my eye.

“Okay, so you think …he told her to hire me?�

“I don’t know what he told her. I wasn’t in there. Justin is a lot of things, but I honestly don’t think he’d do that to you.�

“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t put shit past Justin Timberlake.�

“Alright …�

“He’s the devil you know,� I stated matter-of-factly.

“He’s the devil?� I could hear the laughter in her voice, but I was dead serious.

“He is. I mean, he has the face and voice of an angel, but …he’s got horns, dude.�

“Are we going to talk about Justin all day?�

“No,� I answered, turning the radio back on. Commercials filled the air as we drove down the busy highway. Not even five minutes later I had to ask, “But did you see the way he just went along with not even knowing who I was?�

Keisha exhaled, annoyed. “Yeah?�

“You don’t find that shady at all?�

“I don’t find it anymore shady than you pretending not to know him.�

“He’s probably cheating on her ass,� I stated it as more of a fact. Cheaters will always be cheaters. There’s no changing that no matter how good the woman is. “Right under her nose, I bet you.�

Keisha sighed this time, still irritated. “I really don’t want to talk about this,� she told me, leaning her head against the window looking out at the blurry scenery that passed us by.

“Why not?�

“I just don’t. Okay?�

“But why not?� I pushed.

“Because you’re bitter!� She finally yelled, looking in my direction.

I scoffed. “I really am not bitter,� I tried to laugh, but it was stuck in my throat.

“But you are, Kelsi. You really are. You have been for the longest time.�

“I’m not bitter,� I repeated strongly. “I don’t have any reason to be bitter. What happened …happened. You can’t change the shit.�

“Okay then, if you know that why are you still dwelling on it?�

“I’m not.�

“Let’s keep it all the way real with each other; you didn’t know that Justin was dating Jessica when you applied for this job?�

“First of all, I never applied to this job,� I responded smartly. “They found my resume and called me. Secondly, if I knew that Justin was dating her I wouldn’t have even accepted the interview.�

“Yeah, okay,� she said in disbelief.

“What?�

“I find it hard to believe that you didn’t know. The whole world knows about Justin Timberlake, whether you want to or not.�

“Keisha, you know damn well that I’ve been going out of my way not to hear anything about him. I barely read magazines anymore; I don’t watch a lot of TV, at least nothing that has to do with him. I created a black hole, and I sucked him into it. I swear I never knew that Jessica Biel was with him. The last time I heard anything about him, he was still with Cameron.�

“You just need to realize that maybe you’re not over Justin like you want to believe you are.�

“It’s been four years, Keisha,� I glanced at her. “There’s no way I could be hanging on to something for that long.�

“And why not? Last time I checked there wasn’t a time limit to how long it takes for your heart to heal. And that’s fine, because you really loved him. I know. I get it. But he’s a piece of shit, and you …you need to get over it and him. He wasn’t worth your time then, and he’s certainly not worth it now.�

“I never said he was worth my time.�

“Then why do you keep harping on it then? Who gives a fuck what Justin did or did not tell her? It’s ultimately Jessica’s decision anyway, right?� Not knowing if the question was rhetorical or not I nodded my head anyway. “Right and your interview went great, so I don’t see why you’re obsessing over it.�

“I’m hardly obsessing.� I couldn’t see her, but I knew she was giving me a look. “I’m just discussing. You never liked him, though,� I remembered out loud.

“I know a dog when I see a dog,� was all she said to that.

“But you disliked him prematurely.�

“I had a damn good reason, though, didn’t I?� Keisha scoffed incredulously. “It’s been how many years? And you’re still defending his ass like you’re with him.�

“I’m not defending him!� I screeched offensively. I’ve been insulting him since we got in the car. I wouldn’t defend him for shit, but she always voiced her opinions on how much she couldn’t stand Justin. And yeah, she did have a reason, but she didn’t know that at the time. “Let’s not talk about this anymore.� I turned the volume back up, even louder this time, drowning out any thoughts or discussions that could be left to talk about.

“Where do you want to eat?� Keisha yelled over the music.

“I think …I’m going to drop you off at home.� I informed her indifferently after turning the radio down so she could hear me. “I don’t really feel like eating anymore.�

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

“Kelsi looked damn good today,� Trace voiced absentmindedly as he stared at the football game we were watching at my house. We were sitting on the couch, a six pack of beer on the table in front of us, and a big bowl of spicy chicken wings positioned between us.

“Yeah,� I agreed honestly, taking a swig from the beer in my hand. She looked fucking amazing, but that wasn’t really anything surprising. I’ve never known her to not look anything but her best, even when she wasn’t trying. She’s the only female I’ve ever seen wake up straight out of bed looking like she’s ready to be in a photo shoot.

“Do you think it was a good idea to encourage Jess to hire her on?� Trace wondered.

“I don’t know, man,� I shrugged, resting my elbow on the top of couch, my head falling into my hand. “Part of me thinks that …what happened between us was a long ass time ago, and that now maybe we can start over with a clean slate. But another part of me knows that the look in her eyes – it can only end in disaster.�

“If you feel that way, maybe it’s not such a good idea.�

“But at the same time I don’t want to stop her from doing something that she wants to do. I don’t want to get in the way of shit for her, because she never got in the way of anything for me.�

Trace nodded. “Yeah, and besides, Kelsi was always the level headed one. Out of the three of us, she was always thinking with her head before actually doing something. I don’t think she’d put herself into a situation that she couldn’t handle.�

“That’s the thing about her, though. She thinks she can handle everything, until the shit gets too much to where she has to succumb to the fact that she can’t handle it. Then she freaks the fuck out, and when she freaks out it’s not good.�

“Sounds like someone I know,� Trace smirked.

“I don’t freak out, dude.�

“Okay,� he shook his head with a short laugh. “If you say so.�

“Anyway …we’re not talking about me,� I reminded him. “But, personal issues aside, she gave a good interview.�

“Hell yeah.�

“I feel like I should call her myself.�

Trace raised an eyebrow. “Why?�

“I don’t …really know. I just feel like I should. My ex girlfriend just had an interview with my girlfriend …and I was there to watch over it. I need to …I have to find out where her head is.�

“I think that’s the last thing you should do,� he replied honestly.

“Why?�

“She’s not working for you, Justin. She doesn’t even need to interact with you unless she wants to, and judging by the dirty looks she gave you when she actually did look at you I don’t think you need to worry about it. She’ll probably go on ignoring you like you don’t exist.�

That did sound like her.

“We’re about to be in Texas together for three fucking months,� I told him indignantly. “You think she’s going to ignore me that whole time?�

“Jess finally asked you to go with her?�

“Yeah,� I confirmed unexcitedly. “You should come, for real. The shits going to be hella boring.�

“Why don’t you tell her ‘no’?� Trace questioned.

“Because she’s my girl, and no matter how I feel about it I’m going to support her. That’s what significant others do for one another,� I sighed. “But answer my question.�

“If Kelsi is anything like she used to be, then yeah, she’s going to try her hardest to pretend like you’re six feet under and not right in her face.� I frowned deeply at that admission. “Why are you frownin’ for?�

“No reason …� I replied, the frown spreading across my face like a plague.

“Yeah okay,� he said doubtfully. I watched as he grabbed a wing from the bowl and dipped it in ranch sauce. “You’re something else,� he chuckled before taking a huge bite.

“How?� I placed my beer bottle on a coaster on the coffee table before leaning back into my seat again.

“Because it’s been years, literally, and you’re still on her ass.�

“Why?� I shook my head. “Because I want to make sure we can be civilized with each other before making a decision that could hurt her again, or quite possibly Jessica?�

“Nothing would hurt Jessica if you would just tell her the fucking truth,� he supplied logically.

“Jessica has some strong jealous tendencies.�

“Jess?� He questioned, not really believing me.

“Yeah.�

“I’ve never seen her act any other way but …normal and subdued about everything.�

“That’s because she’s not going to show you. Trust me, though, she is very jealous. If I tell her that Kelsi and I were in a serious relationship at one time she’ll never hire her. I don’t want that kind of guilt on my chest. I have enough when it comes to her. Kelsi deserves this job if she wants it, and I’m not going to stop her from getting it.�

“If you have to think this hard about anything then it’s obviously not a good idea,� he looked at me, picking through the wing pieces to get a peg leg. “My point is that whether or not Kelsi gets this job shouldn’t have anything to do with you. Jessica needs to make this decision on her own, considering she’s going to be spending the most time with her, but she should know all of the particulars before deciding. As far as you and Kelsi are concerned …I think you need to leave it in ’04 where it’s been.�

“But that’s the thing Trace,� I began tirelessly. “I didn’t leave our friendship back there, she did. She wanted nothing to do with me, not the other way around. I still wanted her in my life, but she couldn’t deal, and it’s not like I blame her, ‘cause …I treated her like shit back then. But …we used to be damn good friends. All of us. Don’t you miss her?�

“Of course I do. Hell, we all grew up together. I have a lot of love for Kelsi, and that’s why I think you need to mind your own business and let her do her thing. If she wanted anything to do with you, you would know. Obviously she’s fine with her life and without you in it.�

The truth hurts sometimes, because that was hard to hear, but maybe he was right. Still …

“I don’t know, Trace. All I do know is that when she walked in that door all I could think about is all the good memories I had with her before all the bad shit intervened.�

“You mean before you fucked up,� he was too honest sometimes.

“I was a different person back then. We both were. Our relationship was fucked up from the get go because we had so many outsiders commenting on it. But our friendship …I thought that would’ve at least lasted. And it didn’t. I didn’t even get to fight for it, because I was so far into my own shit …I didn’t,� I paused. “It’s not that I didn’t care …I just cared about my shit more at the time.�

Trace frowned. “And that’s why I think you need to leave it alone. ‘Cause I was there, remember? I saw how bad it hurt her. So, as far as this thing here goes …you can be civilized, but if she wants you in her life like that she will let you know. You already know that, though. You just want to speed up a process that you think will inevitably happen, just because y’all are going to be around each other. But if you know Kelsi at all, you know it doesn’t work that way with her.� He was speaking some real shit right then, even if I didn’t want to hear it. “And also, I really think you need to tell Jessica about everything. If she does end up going with Kelsi it’s going to end up coming out anyway, and by then it’s going to be worse off for everyone involved.�

“But it’s not like I’m lying to Jess. I’m just not …telling her.�

“Same shit,� he shrugged. “But you’re going to do what you want.�

“Hey Trace, I’m listening. I just …�

“You want to do what you want to do?� Or what you feel like you should do? Or however you’re spinning it in your head to fit the situation.� He figured me out that quickly.

“Kelsi Daniels is not someone who just leaves your life and you forget about her that easily. She leaves an impact on you …�

“Okay and you left an impact on her, and not a good one. Stop thinking about yourself, hell, stop thinking about Kelsi. Think about Jessica, your girlfriend, someone you haven’t even hurt yet.�

He was right. He was so right, but even so …that didn’t change the fact that the harder I tried to think about Jessica the easier it was for Kelsi to pop into my head. Why else would she drop into my life like this so out of the blue if there wasn’t a purpose for it?

“You’re right,� I finally agreed coolly. “I’m just going to leave it alone.�

“Darrrling,� I heard Keisha’s voice sing loudly through my humble abode before her presence was shown in the kitchen doorway. “Are you ready?�

Her dark brown eyes were casted down towards the mail in her hands, my mail to be exact. My eyes scanned over her quickly, taking in her sloppy ponytail which still seemed to be fascinatingly put together, and her jogging capris and white tank top. It made me really sick just how tiny her body was. I self consciously looked down at my white t-shirt and navy blue running shorts that stopped just at mid thigh. Yeah, I could stand to lose a couple of pounds.

I’m not an oinker, okay? Let’s get that strayed away. But in today’s society a size 8, which I currently wore, might as well be obese.

“I guess,� I huffed from behind the kitchen table.

We were going to take our weekly run around my neighborhood, so I could at least try to get rid of the fifty pounds I probably consumed from the plate of pancakes I just scarfed down before she arrived.

I love to eat and I don’t exercise. It showed in my thighs, and my behind, and all of the many curves I possessed. Keisha on the other hand, jogged daily, then after that she was in the gym for an extensive forty five minute session with her trainer. I’ve walked past a gym before, but that’s about all I could manage to do.

“Well, hop to it, missy. We don’t have all day,� she hurried me along, taking her ear buds to her iPod out of her ear and roping them around her neck while taking a seat opposite myself.

“Actually, I do. It’s not like I have anything better to do than sit around successfully unemployed.� I emptied my plate in the garbage disposal, and then set it in the sink with the other dishes that needed to be washed later.

“They haven’t called you back?� Keisha asked sympathetically with her plump bottom lip poking out.

“No,� I turned around gloomily, folding my arms over my chest while leaning into the sink, “They haven’t. And honestly at this point I can safely say they’re not going to.�

“I’m still holding out hope for you. They could call you any day now,� she encouraged.

I pursed my lips at her. “Yeah, okay. It’s been two weeks, Keisha. Whatever decision they came to happened a week ago, and evidently they didn’t decide on me.�

“Well …maybe next time you won’t just up and quit a job because your employer gets a little fresh with you.

My eyes narrowed. “He didn’t just “get a little fresh�,� I made quote marks in the air. “He all but shoved his hand up my skirt and started playing my vagina like a piano.�

“It was Usher, though. Usher. You’re the only woman in this world that would have a problem with one of the hottest dudes on the planet coming on to her.�

“Yeah, one of the hottest dudes on the planet that was so fucking cheap he was paying me two figures below my well earned salary.� I threw a sarcastic smile her way. “Yeah, I was lucky alright.�

That was one of my sour spots. I worked my ass off for Ursher, day and night, and no matter how well of a job I did he always denied my request for a higher wage. Then his ass had the nerve to try to kiss me one night after a club show he had finished. This dude shoved his entire tongue down my throat, while drunkenly trying to feel on my inner thighs, just knowing that they were going to open for him like a buffet table. I punched him so hard I’m sure his wide ass nose spread even further across his ugly face.

“I still say you should’ve let me put it on him. You would’ve gotten a raise and then some,� she smirked cockily, popping her booty in her seat.

“Trust me, Keisha; unless you wanted to give him what you got and then get ten more things in return …you don’t want that fail boat. He gets around. A lot.� That admission made her turn up her nose.

“Ew,� she hopped up from her seat to turn towards the fridge, fishing through the little items I had left in there. I seriously needed to grocery shopping, and soon. “So, are we going any time soon? I do have a hair appointment in a couple hours.�

“Yeah, we are. What are you going to get done?�

“Probably more curls,� she said as she released her hair from the ponytail. It was straight then, but normally she kept soft waves of curls in it. Her dark brown hair stopped just at the middle of her back and it was all hers. She spent half her life growing it out, and it was nice and natural. “I really want to dye it, though.�

“Oh really? What color?� I watched as she pulled it back into another ponytail.

“I kind of want the top to be dark and the back to be blonde or something else really striking.�

“Uh,� I raised my eyebrows at her. “Two tones are not cute to me.�

Placing her hand on her hip she turned around to me and asked, “You really don’t think I could pull it off? I do know I want something different, though.�

“I think you should get some high lights, or maybe a lighter shade of brown,� I suggested. “But please don’t do two tones. That’s so ghetto.�

“It’s not ghetto! White girls do it all the time,� she informed as if that made it better.

“Okay? And white girls can’t be ghetto? Why are we even having this discussion?� I chuckled. “Do what you want, but I’m advising you that with your skin complexion I don’t think it would work. I really think that a softer brown would look cute, though.�

“Well, I don’t really know what I want do with it right now. I probably won’t put any color in it all you. You know how I feel about damaging.�

“Yeah, well, let me just go through this mail before we go.�

“There’s nothing important,� she told me over her shoulder, going back to perusing the fridge.

I walk over to the table to grab the mail.

Junk

Bills

More junk.

Even more bills.

A couple of flyers for restaurants and stores.

At the very end of the pile was a yellowish envelope with my name, but no address, and no return address. That’s pretty creepy.

“Did you find anything worth looking at?�

“No, not really,� I answered distractedly as I looked all over the envelope for any sign of who it could be from. I don’t really want to open it, because it could be laced with anthrax or something else that would be lethal.

Deciding to risk it, I opened the letter to reveal some handwriting that was very familiar to me.

Kelsi,

I’m not really sure if I’m going about this the right way, but someone advised me not to go with my first instinct which was to call you.
I really would like to catch up with you, if only for old time’s sake.
If you feel comfortable enough I’d really appreciate it if you meet me at Toi on sunset.
I’m sure you remember where it’s at.
I’ll be there around 10 tonight. I hope you make it.

It wasn’t signed with anything, which was very incognito, but it didn’t really have to be signed. I knew exactly who it was from, and I knew exactly why they picked that particular restaurant. Justin and I used to shut down Toi every time we were in California back in the day. I’m not sure how I felt about the invitation, but I could feel my heart trying to pound its way out of my chest.

“Kelsi!� I jumped when I felt Keisha’s cold hand grip my upper arm. I hastily hid the letter and envelope in between the rest of the unopened mail. “What the heck are you doing, girl? I’ve been calling you for the last five minutes.� She tried to look over my shoulder, but I was already half way into the living room to set everything on top of my entertainment center.

“Nothing, just looking over the bills so I know how much to take out of my account,� I lied almost breezily.

I didn’t want to lie to her, but she had gotten in such an uproar when I talked about Justin the last time that I thought it would be best to leave it alone for the time being. I didn’t even know what I was going to do about it. For right now, it was going to be an open invitation that I could or could not take on. I’d probably lean towards the latter, because this all seemed to be too surreal.

As soon as we stepped outside the humidity hit our bodies pretty hard. If the heat hadn’t been so bad it really would’ve been gorgeous outside. The sun was shining brightly, and there was a light breeze that grazed our bodies gently. We started off slow, both us placing our ear buds in our ears. I started listening to KISS’ Hotter than Hell. I dabble in all genres of music. I like everything from rock, to country, to rap. It all ranges, and if it sounds good to me I’ll like it.

I honestly tried to keep my mind off of him, but the harder I tried it seemed the easier it was for him to sink in. This whole situation was randomness at its best. First, Justin and I meet again after years of not speaking to one another, his girlfriend ends up holding my interview for the job I so desperately needed at the time, and now he’s trying to be civilized like we were old friends or something. I know we were old friends, but we definitely did not leave on those same circumstances.

I just didn’t understand it. I didn’t know what to think or do about it. And what if Keisha was right, what if Jessica and Kim decided to call me tomorrow, or the next day, or whatever and offered me a job? Could I really take it knowing that I would constantly be in such a close vicinity to Justin?

There were so many questions that needed answers in my head. So, I guess that could be the good thing about meeting him, but at the same time it could be really awkward. I didn’t know. I needed a second opinion. I looked ahead of me to see Keisha running without a glimpse of perspiration on her body. There I was heaving and sweating like a fucking pig. I told you, I never exercise, other than these occasional jogs with her.

“Hey!� I breathed out weakly, stopping to lean on my knees to catch my breath.

“You’re tired already?� Keisha halted, yelling a few feet ahead of me.

I lifted up and placed my hands on my hips, still breathing in and out at a face pace. “Well, not all of us can run marathons you know.�

But, we just started!� She walked up to me, looking me over with disdain. “You normally make it a couple blocks before getting winded. I told you that you need to start going to the gym, but you never listen.�

I glared at her. “Are you trying to say I’m fat?�

“I couldn’t say that, because you’re not fat!� That statement was optional to believe. “I’m not talking about losing weight. I’m talking about being healthier and feeling better, and being able to jog around the block without almost passing out.�

“What would make me feel better is I was at home chomping down on some ice cream right now.�

Keisha could only roll her eyes. “Okay, what’s really wrong?�

“What are you talking about?� I asked her as we started a very slow pace of walking.

“Come on, Kels. I know you better than anybody. Something is on your mind, and you’re going to tell me sooner or later, so make it sooner so I don’t have to deal with the shit later.�

“There is nothing wrong with me. I just …I don’t feel like running, or hearing another one of your exercise lectures.�

“I lecture you all the time about going to gym. What makes today different from any other day?�

“Nothing’s different. I never feel like hearing it,� I combated.

Keisha laughed sarcastically. “Funny. Now tell me what’s up with you.�

“Alright, I’ll tell you. But you need to remember that you asked, so don’t go off on me when I tell you.�

“Uh oh,� she exhaled dramatically.

“Uh oh what?�

“Nothing. So tell me.�

“I got a letter,� I began vaguely.

“Okay?�

“I got a letter from Justin.�

Silence

“I got an unidentifiable letter from Justin asking me to meet him somewhere tonight.� I winced as I waited for the verbal backlash, but it never came. When I looked at Keisha she was staring ahead as if I had never said anything. Maybe she didn’t hear me; maybe she blocked everything out after Justin. She was irrationally bat shit crazy when it came to him sometimes, she had always been that way. After a few minutes of silence I added, “I probably won’t go, but I am curious to know why he wants to see me.�

“Hmm,� she made the noise that I hated coming from her, because I never knew what she meant by it.

I reluctantly asked, “What do you think?�

She shrugged her shoulders indifferently. “I don’t know,� she answered. “I’m thinking a lot of different things right now.�

“Could you be a little more specific?� I pushed.

“First off, how the hell did Justin find out where you live? That’s creepy even for him. Secondly, you have a job on the line. Do you really want to screw up something by rendezvousing with him?�

“Nobody is rendezvousing with anybody. It’s harmless, I think. I don’t know. That’s why I kind of want to go, because I want to figure out what the hell he’s thinking. And I’m not sure. It only had my name, so it must’ve been put into my mailbox by him or someone he knows. This is all so confusing and frustrating.� After a thought I said, “And I don’t have any job on the line as far as I know, and maybe that’s why he wants to talk to me. Give me some information. I don’t know!� I finished rambling, throwing my hands up in defeat.

“Nothing about you and Justin is harmless. And there is an easy remedy for all of this, ignore him! There is no point in this little get together, and you know that. But for some reason you have to see him. Plus, any information about any job offer would given to you directly from your employer or people working for your employer. Justin doesn’t know shit.�

I scoffed. “I don’t need to see him.�

“So then, there is your answer.�

“Justin and I don’t have feelings for each other anymore. So yes, anything concerning us is completely harmless. Justin didn’t invite me out because he wants me back, or wants to work anything out. It’s because this whole thing is …weird. And I, like him want to figure out how to be civilized with one another. I don’t give a damn about Justin or his relationship. I just want to have a comfortable work environment if I do on the off hand get this job.�

“You don’t need to be civilized with Justin. Ignore him. What part of that don’t you understand?�

“What part didn’t you hear about me being around him all the time if I take the job?� I asked. “There is no ignoring him. He and Jessica must be really close, so I don’t want there to be any awkward tension that could possibly alarm Jessica enough to give me the boot.�

“I don’t understand you sometimes,� I could see her shaking her head in the corner of my eye.

“Why?�

“Because …you claim you hate the dude, but I’m giving you every single reason that I know of why you shouldn’t go meet him tonight and you’re tearing each reason down, because you know you want to see him.�

“But not for the reasons you think,� I explained.

“Yeah, yeah,� she rolled her eyes, “Because you want things to be comfortable and blah, blah, blah. If you want to go see Justin you’re going to do it, and nothing I can say is going to stop you obviously.�

“That’s not true,� I disagreed. “I asked you because I honestly want your opinion.�

“But you know my opinion, and you know that it’s not going to change no matter how you flip it. You and Justin getting together to talk, or whatever it is y’all are deciding to do is lethal. You can’t think straight when you’re around him and he …well, he’s Justin.�

“Justin wasn’t always so …Justin-y,� I defended awkwardly. “He used to be very sweet, and romantic, and he genuinely cared. Even at the end of everything I still think he cared about me, but just not as much as he cared about himself.�

Keisha made very realistic gagging sounds before laughing incredulously. “It is really funny how you defend him still to this day.�

“He was my friend, Keisha. Whether you want to believe it or not we cared about each other. I do hate him with the intensity of a thousand suns,� I half joked. “But I still cared about him.�

“You act like I don’t understand that, but at the same time he hurt you, and like bad. He didn’t just rip out your heart he took it with him, and he had it for a very long time. I was there, remember,� she reminded me. “Every night you needed a shoulder to cry on …I was there. So, I think I understand more than anybody how much you felt for him, but that was in the past, and he didn’t deserve it then. He sure as hell don’t deserve it now.�

She was right, and I hated how right she was about everything. Especially when it came to Justin. He hurt me more than I could’ve ever been hurt in my life. And yeah, we move on, and things become easier but that doesn’t mean that you forget about people, or your feelings, or your friendships. I dislike Justin for the person that he became in our relationship, but that doesn’t mean that I couldn’t give him a chance to actually meet him half way if he’s willing to look past everything.

“So …� Keisha knocked me out of my thoughts. “What are you going to do?�

“I don’t know. I’m probably not going to go,� I guessed with a shrug.

“Yeah, you are,� she decided.

“Why do you say that?�

“Because this is Justin, and no matter how much you don’t want to go …you’re going to go, because it’s him. And that’s all the reason you need. And yeah, I find that sad and pathetic,� she told me a little too bluntly. “But I’m still going to love you afterwards.�

“Well, thanks,� my eyebrows crinkled. “I think. I really don’t know what I’m going to do, but I have the rest of the morning and afternoon to decide.�

“What time are you supposed to meet him and where?�

“I’m supposed to meet him at Toi around 10,� I informed her. “I think it’s a little nod to our past. I haven’t been to that place in ages, so I’d really like to go anyway, even if I don’t go to see him.

“Toi is a good spot, but at 10 at night? That’s not very subtle?�

“What do you mean? Toi is packed at all hours of the night. If he wanted to get me alone to molest me or whatever you think he’s trying to do I figure he’d do it somewhere a lot more private. It’s a good thing that he picked that place, because it’s a pretty neutral place for the both of us.�

“I guess …I think that he picked so late at night so that no one would know his whereabouts, but hey, to each their own.�

“Justin could’ve picked some time in the early morning and you still would’ve found a conspiracy for that as well.� I smirked.

“He has an ulterior motive for every move that he makes, and the sooner you see that the easier it’ll be for you to come to terms with what kind of guy Justin Timberlake really is.�

“If I didn’t know any better …I would’ve thought that you had a relationship with him instead of me the way you speak so diligently about him,� I cracked.

“It doesn’t matter,� she changes the subject after a breath, then looking down at her watch she said, “We need to hurry back so I can go get my hair done before I’m late for my appointment.�

And that’s all that was said about Justin after I asked her if I did decide to go would she possibly mind joining me. She, of course, acted like I asked her to go get three root canals, but she agreed that if I did want to go she wouldn’t leave me to fend Justin off by myself. When we got back to my house it was a little past noon, Keisha left after snagging three bottles of water on her way out, and I was left alone to pretend like I didn’t want to reread and reanalyze the letter.

But reading it one more time to make sure I read everything correctly couldn’t hurt.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

I’m exhausted, and I don’t mean just tired. I could literally fall on the ground and pass out right now from exhaustion. Trace came over bright and early around 7 this morning to wake me up and he’s been running me ragged all over the streets of LA ever since. We went to go talk to Johan and everyone else for the clothing line, we went to make a phone conference with the other owners and staff of Southern Hospitality, then we ran around doing his little mindless roach errands. He kept me completely busy from the time he came to my house. We finally set foot in my house at around 8:45 pm, and I still hadn’t showered or figured out what clothes I was going to wear to meet Kelsi in a few hours.

Now don’t start thinking things that are completely out of left field. I merely conjured up the invitation on the off chance that we could get together and discuss whether or not we’d be comfortable in the setting that we were being forced into. I wanted to see where her mind was at, and just talk to her for old time’s sake.

I didn’t tell Trace, because I knew he’d freak out, and I didn’t tell Jessica because well – she doesn’t know. I’m not sure if I want her to know yet.

“Well, Trace,� I began saying when we stepped into the house. “I think I’m about to take a shower and go to bed,� I faked a yawn while easing out of my coat and placing it on the coat hook before placing my keys on the hook next to it.

“Come on, J. It’s not even 9 yet. Why are you so quick to go to bed right now?� He raised his eyebrow curiously, plopping on the couch and folding his arms.

“I’m tired. We’ve been out all day running around. I just want to take a shower and relax.� I took a seat on the arm of the couch.

“I’ve never known you to ever go to bed before midnight. You could be dog shit tired and you’d still stay up so you could sleep in later. Why don’t you tell me what’s really going on?� He was looking at me, and it felt like he was looking through me. Trace was like a brother to me, and even though I hadn’t mentioned Kelsi I felt like he knew something.

“There’s nothing going on!� I squeaked. “I don’t see why I’m getting the third degree, because I want to head to bed early.�

“Weren’t you supposed to stop by Jessica’s tonight before coming here?�

“Yeah, but …she had some things she had to do, so I told her I’d catch up with her in the morning,� I lied. “I mean, I have no problem with you staying here and watching TV, or whatever you want to do, but I’m still going to bed.� I really hoped that he didn’t take me up on my offer. I never minded for Trace to spend the night at my house, but tonight was not the night that he could.

Trace gave me a look while scratching under his chin. “I don’t know,� the words lingered on his lips longer than I would’ve liked. “Yeah, I think I could crash here for the night,� his stare continued to penetrate into me. He was trying to break me down. The worse thing was is that I knew it, and it was still working!

“Are you sure?�

“Yeah, I don’t really feel like driving home anyhow, so …I think I will stay here.�

“Okay,� I was trying to think of an excuse I could give him, but anything that I could’ve said he would’ve read through.

“Justin, why don’t you just cut the bullshit and tell me what’s going on so you can go and do whatever it is that you’re trying to hide from me.�

“I’m not hiding anything!� My voice squeaked again. You’d think that with all the experience with the media I’d be better at lying. I am pretty good at lying in general, but when it comes to lying to people close to me it doesn’t always work out well. “Why are you giving me such a hard time?�

“Because I know Justin,� he revealed quite loosely.

“You know what?� I tried to play off. I didn’t know what he knew. He could’ve very well not have known anything at all.

“I know whatever it is that you’re trying to hide has to do with Kelsi.�

“What the hell are you talking about?� I breathed out, instinctively breaking out into a sweat.

“Stop frontin’, dude.�

“I’m not frontin’ about anything. I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about,� I turned my head to the left, looking at anything that wasn’t his face. I looked over the walls, and counted all the tiles on the floor in my vision, I even looked over the grail lining of wood on my front door.

“I’m not your mom, so I don’t understand why you’re so scared to tell me. J, what’s up?�

I had to tell him. He’d bug me and keep me there longer if I didn’t spill it.

“I wrote Kelsi an anonymous letter asking her to meet me tonight at Toi.�

Trace shook his head in disbelief, raised his hands, and opened his mouth to say something but immediately shut it.

“And I know that it’s probably not the smartest or logical idea I’ve ever had, but I really think that it might be good for us to sit down and talk and be kind to each other, and not have the unnecessary tension clouding our every meeting with one another.�

“Justin, do you ever think shit through? Like, seriously. Do you ever just have an idea and think it through, and then tell yourself that shit is not going to work out just because you want it to. You are too spontaneous for your own good.�

“Not thinking things through is how I’ve gotten to where I have in my life. I jump in head first, and then I find out if I can swim. That’s always how I’ve been, but with this Kelsi situation I have thought about it. I’m not just doing this recklessly.�

“I think it’s a bad idea.�

“Well, luckily for me I didn’t ask for your opinion,� I looked back over to him.

“You always do that,� he chuckled knowingly.

“Always do what?� I asked with an attitude.

“You always get defensive if people don’t agree with you. Face it, Justin, not everybody has to go along with what you say or how you feel.�

“Look, Trace, if you’re just going to dump on me then you can leave,� I submitted seriously.

“Whatever, Justin, you know I’m going to go with you. You’re more than likely going to make a fool of yourself, and I want to see it being done live and in person. So go on, get spiffy …I’ll be waiting,� he said with a grin.

I hated how we acted like brothers. He knew that I didn’t really want him to leave, and hell, I even wanted him to go with me. If I was going to do this I might as well have backup.

“Alright, well, I’m going to jump in the shower real quick. What I need you to do is call Toi and add yourself to the reservation.�

“Okay, I can do that,� he obeyed, taking out his cell and dialing information for the number.

I jumped in the shower, making it quick as promised, threw on a pair of jeans, and a dark grey blazer over a white t-shirt. I looked nice, but not like I was trying to impress anybody, which I wasn’t. Kelsi had seen me at my worst and my best; there was nothing about me that could impress her at this point. The drive to Toi was long and quiet as we coasted down the highway. There was a lot in my head, and I’m sure Trace didn’t want to be at the end of my attitude if he had something negative to say. Which if you knew Trace that was 95 percent of the time.

We arrived ten minutes before ten, and I was happy that we weren’t late. I didn’t want Kelsi to get the wrong impression like I was standing her up, but in the end it could be me that got stood up. She might not show.

The ambiance at Toi was always high energy. It was a fun place to sit down, eat, and chat away for hours. Kelsi introduced me to this place. We were in California for a show, and we were up at like 2 in the morning with nothing to do but twiddle our thumbs and look stupid. She searched online for a place for us to go and she found Toi. She was heavily into alternative music at the time, so this type of place was right up her alley. I remember coming in there with doubts and leaving a true fan of the environment and not to mention some of the best Thai food I’d ever put in my mouth.

We walked in and instantly breathed in the smell of incense mixed with the different aromas of food. The Doors were playing from the speakers as we made our way up to the host waiting for us.

“Hey Mike,� I greeted warmly.

“Hey Justin,� he smiled at me. “I haven’t seen you in a long time.�

“I know. I can’t believe I almost forgot this place,� I looked over at the empty stage at the back of the restaurant that was empty, but normally had different local bands play several days a week. My eyes set back on Mike. “Has our eating companion made it yet?�

“No, they have not. Are you ready to be seated or would you like to wait for her?�

“I think we’re ready to be seated, but as soon as she gets here be sure to bring her over.�

“Of course,� he nodded while grabbing two menus and showing us to our seat further towards the back, but centered in the middle so we could see who came through the door. “Have a seat, and your waiter should be here to serve you shortly,� he handed us our individual menus, sitting down an extra one for Kelsi whenever she made it.

I casually glanced at my watch noting that it was a little after ten.

“Man,� I leaned back in my seat and breathed out. “This place is still as cool as it was back then,� I admired the different groups of people eating, talking, or just sitting back enjoying the music.

“I’ve only been here once, but I do remember the food is incredible.�

“It’s on my top list of Thai food, because I can’t eat everybody’s.�

“True,� Trace agreed, relaxing back into his chair.

“Hi, I’m Misty,� a young girl with jet black hair and red streaks that was pulled back into two ponytails came up to us to take our order. “I’ll be your waitress this evening. Can I get you anything?�

“I think we’ll just have two domestics right now,� I looked over at Trace to make sure, and he nodded his approval.

“Will that be all?�

“For right now, yes,� I smiled at her politely.

“Okay,� she jotted down our order on her pad before giving us a parting smile. “I’ll be right back with those.�

I watched as she left, when she was out of view I gave my attention to the door. “Do you think she’s going to come?� I asked insecurely.

“How would I know? I know her just about as well as you do, and that’s about as much as we know those two girls sitting over there,� he nodded his head in the direction of two women who were staring openly at us before looking back at me, “Which is not a lot anymore.�

“But if she got the letter, which I’m sure she did I think that her curiosity would bring her here tonight.�

“Yeah, it might,� he shrugged. “But then there’s Keisha who if her mouth is as bad as I remember probably has her bombarded in a room somewhere giving her a lecture on why she shouldn’t come out tonight.�

I had forgotten about Keisha. They were attached to the hip, so if Kelsi read the letter chances were very high that Keisha was over her shoulder reading it at the same time. If she did come out tonight, I really hoped that she wouldn’t bring her around. The last that I saw of Keisha was the last that I would like to see of her.

“I don’t plan on wasting my whole night here. I’m going to give her at least an hour, because that’s courteous, and if she doesn’t show up …well, then I guess that’s about all I can do to try to squash everything.�

“Alright, an hour,� he agreed. “I can do that.�

“You don’t think she’s coming do you?� I knew. I could tell in his voice that he didn’t think she’d be there.

“Honestly, no I do not. Y’all don’t have a good track record. Why would she come out here when she left you on such bad terms?�

“Kelsi is a badass, I’m going to go on and admit that. She means what she says, and does what she means, but …I think she could be forgiving. After all this time, I’m pretty sure of it.�

“Well, if you think that then I guess there’s no reason why she wouldn’t be here. But, to go off of her vibes a couple weeks ago, it ain’t happening.�

“Sometimes I don’t understand why women can’t forget shit like that. Okay, I cheated, and I know it was wrong. But I’m genuinely sorry, but you’re trying to make me pay for it for a life time.�

Trace narrowed his eyes at me. “The same reason you didn’t forget it with Britney and you went on to make that video,� he started naming off instances. “The same reason I didn’t forget it with Elisha and broke up with her instead of staying in a relationship where neither of us were happen. It’s not the sort of thing you can just forget that easily, you above anyone should know that.�

“Why the fuck are you being so logical all of a sudden?�

“I don’t know. I feel pretty smart this week,� he smiled cheekily at me.

“But …� I stopped what I was saying when Misty placed our cold beers in front of us. “Thanks, sweetie,� I smiled politely with her.

“No problem,� she smiled back. “When you’re ready to order more just wave me over.�

“But, I was young,� I excused myself lamely once Misty was out of ear shot. “I didn’t think about who I was hurting or what I was doing.�

“You sound like Britney right about now.�

“But I did forgive Britney. I might not have done it right away, and I might’ve been slightly revengeful, but I forgave her in the end. Our friendship was just irreconcilable after that. And why are we talking about this old ass issue?�

“Because it’s damn near as old as your issue with Kelsi,� he stated sensibly.

“Point taken,� I relented, taking a swig from my beer. Not the best beer that I’d ever had, but it would do.

Kelsi and I, our relationship was old as hell, but it was relevant now.

“I just hope she comes,� as soon as the words left my mouth I spotted her walking in the door looking like a dime piece even in casual wear. Her hair was swept back into a low ponytail, she wore a pair of straight legged jeans with a purple tank top, and matching ballet flats. Much to my chagrin Keisha walked in right after her wearing a blue and white summer dress with a pair of flip flops.

“Well, it seems that you got your wish,� Trace followed my gaze to Kelsi and Keisha

As Mike led them through the crowd, weaving and bobbing through the tables, I suddenly lost all train of thought. My palms got sweaty, my heart was thumping in my chest, and my head was pounding with all sorts of new thoughts surrounding Kelsi and the fake smile that adorned her fake.

Fake, but cute.

I could only sit and wonder if this was such a good idea after all.