The lights on in your window

So I know that you can't sleep

I'm down here with a secret

That I ain't prepared to keep

Sometimes things are over

Sometimes over doesn't last

Sometimes I can't find my way back home

Til the bottom of a glass

He stands in the driveway looking at the light on in the bedroom upstairs. His heart in his throat as his minds recalls what he's done tonight. Visions of the blonde pass through his mind and he breaks out in a cold sweat. The last thing he wants to do is hurt her. She means everything to him and he would be lost without her.

He sees her shadow pass in front of the window so he knows she's not sleeping. The thought of telling her makes his stomach turn. 

A soft breeze blows the scent of the blonde in his face and he turns to empty his stomach. 

He can't help but wish he could empty all the bad out of his body so this would never happen again.

Pulling his body upright, he wipes his mouth with the back of his shaking hand. He takes several deep breaths to calm himself and settle his nerves before he heads inside the house.

The downstairs is quiet and dark. He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays it on the table next to the door, his keys beside it.

He walks to the foot of the staircase and looks up. A soft light coming from the bedroom. Their bedroom. Panic takes hold again and he turns towards the kitchen.

In the dark he fills a glass with water from the sink and swallows three Tylenol. He knows it won't help the pain in his heart but maybe it'll stop his head from pounding.

He places the glass down in the sink and heads towards the bedroom. As he walks down the hallway he prepares what he's going to say to her. But he can't think of words. It's just a constant replay of the moments with her. The happiness and the joy they've had together. Before a smile can form on his lips the blonde's face flashes again.

He brings his hands up to his eyes, grinding his fists into his eyes. 

The door is cracked and he stands there, watching her.

She's snuggled deep in the covers. Her hair in a low ponytail. Reading glasses perched on her nose with a magazine in her lap.

Steeling himself he pushes the door open. She turns at the sound.

"Hey." She smiles at him.

He swallows hard. "Hey."

"You're home early." She closes the magazine and sets it on the nightstand.

He nods. 

She furrows her eyes. "Everything ok?"

He shakes his head.

"Justin?"

He feels like he's going to throw up again. "I'm so sorry."

She stares at him, realization coming slowly. Her features visually drop, shoulders slumping, chin dropping, mouth turned down in a slight frown.

"It just happened. It didn't mean anything."

But, honey, I'm sorry now

Honey, I'm sorry now

Honey, I'm sorry now

She climbs out of the bed and stands at the foot of it. He doesn't move from the doorway.

"Kerri, please, I'm so, so sorry." He pleads with her.

She crosses her arms over her chest. "You said that last time."

Tears prick his eyes. "I know."

She's hurt and humiliated and disappointed. This isn't the first time this has happened. It's almost like deja vu the way he confessed.

He crosses the room, eyes never leaving her face. 

"Baby, it didn't mean anything." He reaches for her and she pulls away. His heart breaks. "Please tell me what to do to fix this." 

A lone tear escapes her eyes and travels down her cheek.

I was thinking as I stumbled

Like a thousand times before

I always seem to end up 

Back in pieces on your floor

"Why?" She chokes out, another tear falling.

He opens his mouth but he has no answer. He doesn't know why. The blonde was there, the whiskey was there and the next thing he knows he's got her pinned up against the bathroom door.

He's ashamed as he thinks about it. There's no telling the damange he's done. Anyone could have seen her pull him in there. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what could have happened.

"Why?" She asks again.

He hangs his head. "I don't know."

"You always do this." She says, voice shaking. "I let you in over and over again and you keep breaking my heart."

He closes his eyes, his own heart breaking at her confession.

It breaks your heart and then you tell me

That you're a fool to let me in

She knew the dangers of dating a man like him. A celebrity. A superstar. Desired by women all over the world. She had heard the stories of how he wasn't able to stay faithful in the past. She put a wall up and it took him a long time to break it down.

No, this wasn't the first time this had happened. It wasn't even the second time. 

Three strikes you're out, right?

If only she could have the courage to follow through with that.

And I promise this won't happen anymore

Til I do it all again

But, honey, I'm sorry now

Honey, I'm sorry now

Honey, I'm sorry now

He reaches for her hand and is suprised when she doesn't pull away.

"Please? I want to be better." His voice thick with emotion. "I want to be better for you. For us. I'm sorry."

His words replay in her head. Not just this time but every time. 

I wanna be better but I don't know how

Honey, I'm sorry now

Honey, I'm sorry now

Honey, I'm sorry now

It seems like everytime I let you down

But, honey, I'm sorry now

She looks at him. Eyes searching. She needs to find the man that existed before all the fame. She knows he's in there. Which is why she hasn't left yet. 

She knows the type of man he really is. The type of man he wants to be.

"Kerri, please." He sobs, tears escaping his own eyes.

She brings her free hand to his cheek, tears falling freely now. "I need that man back." She whispers and he closes his eyes, nodding slightly. "I need him."

And next time I come back love

Know that it's not really me

Who's down here with a secret

That I ain't prepared to keep

"He's here. I promise to be better." He rests his forehead against hers. "I'll be the man you need. The man you deserve."