Tonight I feel so weak

But all in love is fair

I turn the other cheek

And I feel the slap and the sting of the foul night air

I shiver as the wind blows around me, eyes scanning the street.  Part of me wants to just leave. Pretend like I don't know the truth. But a bigger part of me wants him to hurt. I want him to feel what I'm feeling right now.

I take another look down the street before unlocking the door and letting myself in. 

It smells like him and for the briefest of seconds I let myself get lost in it. Until the memory of that picture flashes and I see red again.

I want to blame it all on him. But that's not fair. I've made mistakes. Too many to count but I've never done this. No matter how angry or upset I was.

I could have been around more often. I didn't need to work sixty hours a week. 

I could have been less frigid around his friends. I know it was important to him, having me get along with them.

I could have compromised more. We didn't have to spend every holiday with my family.

As I make my way down the hall and to the bedroom I can't help but think it was the fact that I wasn't around more than anything. I worked late nights and almost every weekend.

I don't really have anyone to blame buy myself.

And I know you're only human

And I haven't got talking room

But tonight while I'm making excuses

Some other woman is making love to you

I push the door to the bedroom open, smirking at the unmade bed. He never could take the five seconds each morning to just throw the covers back towards the pillows.

'Why? I'm just going to sleep in it later', he'd say, rolling his eyes.

The pain in my chest intensifies as I picture them on the bed together. I close my eyes and I can see it. The two of them, sharing this bed. The very same bed that I helped him pick out last year.

The rage inside me is burning and I grab the sheets at the foot of the bed, pulling them out and throwing them over my head. I feel a small bit of gratification when I notice that the mattress have moved some. 

I move to stand beside the bed, eyeing it. I bring my foot up and shove it more, pushing it off the frame. I'm unable to control the light laughter as the corner of the mattress lands on the floor causing the opposite corner to hit the nightstand. 

I see the picture of the two of us from a year ago beside the bed. The rage inside me is back as I pick the frame up.

I'm powerless to stop myself as I heave the metal across the room. 

Somebody bring me some water

Can't you see I'm buring alive

Can't you see my baby's got another lover

I don't know how I'm gonna survive

Somebody bring me some water

Can't you see it's out of control

Baby's go my heart and my baby's got my mind

But tonight the sweet devil's got my soul

I turn and look back at the room. I don't remember doing all the damange I see before me; dresser drawers emptied out, clothes thrown around the room, lamp shattered beside the bed, pictures no longer hanging on the walls but I know I did it. 

It feels good.

When will this aching pass

When will this night be through

I want to hear the breaking glass

I stop in the kitchen when I heard a crash from the bedroom. It must have been that one last picture hanging on the wall, falling to the floor.

I can see headlight turn into the driveway as I settle myself on the black leathr couch. 

I hate this couch. It's cold and ugly and uncomfortable. But he refused to get rid of it.

I prop my feet up on the table in front of me as the key turns the lock in the door. He'll see me the second he opens the door. He already knows I'm here, my car parked in the driveway. 

There's no going back now.

I wanna feel the steel of the red hot truth

"Hey." He looks at me, closing the door behind him. "I didn't know you were coming over."

I give him the sweetest smile I can manage. "Suprise."

He plays it off but I can see him swallow the lump in his throat. "I'm glad you're here."

I'm sure you are. Lying bastard. 

I stand and make my way across the living room, my hips moving side to side and I see his eyes drop to them. A sick part of me is pleased.

I bring my hands up his chest and around his neck, fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

"Are you really glad?" I whisper, lips brushing his. "Or are you just saying that?"

His eyes widen a little, body completely stiff in my arms. "Of course I'm glad you're here."

I dip my head and press a kiss to the hollow of his neck. "Good." I lick my way up to his ear. I press my body tight to his, my leg going between his and while I know he's shocked, I can feel him involuntarily reacting.

He groans as I tug on his earlobe gently. "What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing." I whisper, hands moving down his back and into the front pocket of his slacks. "Yet."

That was all it took for him to react. His hands reach out and grab me, grinding our hips together as his lips attack mine, tongue sliding in forcefully. 

And I'd do anything to get it out of my mind

I need some insanity, that temporary kind

I pull away from him and take a step back. I reach behind my back and pull out the one thing that I grabbed before coming over here.

His eyes widen and fill with lust when he sees the shiney metal handcuffs. 

I back towards the kitchen, him following dumbly, fingers starting to unbutton his shirt but I stop him. 

"Don't." 

There's only one thing I love about his house. The kitchen.

It's like a kitchen from God. Marble counter tops, stainless steel everything. If I was a chef, this would be my heaven.

I bring my hand up and beckon him with my finger. I snap one end of the handcuffs around his wrist and the other through the handle on the refrigerator door.

I'm a little worried he might pass out right now, his breathing completely erratic.  I reach down and flick open his belt buckle and pull it from the loops of his khaki dress slacks. He licks his lips as I throw it somewhere behind me.

I bring my hands up and slowly undo the buttons to his dress shirt, pulling the tails out. His eyes close as I lean in and kiss the middle of his chest. I move my lips down his chest and stop when they meet his pants. Reaching out I undo the button and zipper, pulling them to the floor.

I almost want to laugh at how quickly he steps out of them, one foot kicking them to the side.

"I don't know what's going on," he breathes, eyes rolling back as I kiss below his ear. "But please for the love of God, do not stop."

I smirk and flick my tongue against the spot that I know makes his knees weak. My hands fist the tops of his boxers. Steeling myself I yank them down. Again, he kicks them off to the side.

Tell me how will I ever be the same

Just as he's starting to lose all control, I take a step back. The pitiful sound that comes from his mouth makes me want to laugh.

"Wha?" He struggles to say, mouth hanging open. "Come back."

I shake my head, crossing my arms over my chest. 

This is it. The moment I've been waiting for. I close my eyes and picture the two of them again and suddenly I'm seeeing red again.

When I know that woman is whispering your name

"Does she fuck you like I do?" 

Without another word I turn, the handcuff key dangling from my fingers, and walk out the door.

Somebody bring me some water

Can't you see I'm buring alive

Can't you see my baby's got another lover

I don't know how I'm gonna survive

Somebody bring me some water

Can't you see it's out of control

Baby's got my heart and my baby's got my mind

But tonight the sweet devil's got my sould