"I'm telling you P, I've never seen anything like it in my life!" Justin says, eyes bright and full of excitement. "The Cliffs of Moher were breathtaking. I wish you could have been there with me."

Me too. I think as I flip through the pictures. But while Justin was off backpacking through all of Europe and Ireland, I was stuck in our small town, working for my dad. This was not what I had pictured for my first summer back from college. I had visions of spending time with Justin and just being us again.

We made plans to spend all summer catching up, hanging out and doing all the stupid stuff we used to do before we left for college. But one week before I was due to fly home and meet up with him, he called and started going on and on about how he had this offer to go with a buddy of his to tour Europe. It was supposed to be a short three week thing but was a month and half ago.

I should be thankful he made it home with two weeks of summer left.

"Payton, have you listened to a word I've said?" He reaches out and taps the pictures out of my hands.

I look at him. "Yes, every single word."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "What did I just say?"

Shit. I open my mouth but he shakes his head and laughs.

"Glad to know you still have selective hearing." He leans back in the boat.

Yes, we're on the boat. The very same boat that he used to ‘borrow' from his dad in the middle of the night.  I haven't been on this boat since the night I chickened out about telling him how I feel.

You'd think that after a full year of not seeing him my feelings would finally disappear but it couldn't be farther from the truth. I feel like the being away from his has only made the way I feel about him stronger.

It hasn't been easy, keeping our friendship strong with the time difference but we both worked really hard at staying in touch. Emails, texts, phone calls. He got so desperate when he couldn't get in touch with me during my first semester finals that he mailed one letter a day for two weeks.

That's part of the reason I love him.

"So...." He kicks his feet up on the seat in front of him. "Any new boyfriend I need to know about?"

I blush and avoid his stare. "No, no boyfriend."

"You sure?" He grins.

I glare at him. "Positive."

"Just checking."

I shake my head and lean back against the seat. "What about you?" He sneaks a look at me. "Any girlfriend?"

I can see his lips form a smirk and my heart drops to my stomach. I know what that looks means. I've seen it enough times to know.

There's a girl.

"There might be a girl." The smirk turns into a smile. I feel like I've been punched in the stomach, all my breath leaving my body.  "Ashley."

It takes everything I have to smile at him. "Yea? How'd you meet?"

"School. But she um....she went with us."

I hardly heard the last part.

Hardly.

"She....went with you where?" I'm breathing heavy.

"Europe." He turns to me. "With me and Allen. She brought a friend too."

"So there were four of you?" I choke out. "Like.....a really long double date?"

He laughs and I want to vomit. "Not like a double date smartass." He looks out over the lake. "Not at first. I mean, we were friends at first but we got to Florence and.....you know." He grins over at me.

"So is she like....your girlfriend?"

He shrugs. "I guess."

I clench my teeth together and fight back the tears.  His girlfriend. He has a girlfriend and I'm sitting here completely and totally in love with him. And he still has no idea.

"She'll be here in a few days." He says softly and I snap my head in his direction. "I want you to meet her."

"You what?"

He gives me what I know is a sheepish grin. "I want you to meet her. You know? Tell me what you think and all that bullshit that friends do for each other."

He wants my approval. God, I know I'm going to have to meet this girl. He won't let it not happen.

"That cool?" He tilts his head to the side a little. "You'll meet her?"

"Yea, I'll meet her."

Four Days Later

I can't believe I'm doing this. Meeting this girl who's a friend of his.

I can't bring myself to call her his girlfriend without feeling like I'm going to throw up.

I keep pacing the living room, thankful that my parents aren't here to see me like this. Like I don't already get enough from them about how Justin and I are destined to be together, this would only egg them on. Watching me roam the room like some crazy, manic person.

I'm hoping that I hate her and he'll dump her. But that's just wishful thinking. Because to this day, I have never hated any girl he's ever dated. And I'm there to pick up the pieces when they leave him broken hearted.

I should tell him. I need to tell him. It's the right thing to do. Right? He should now his options. Maybe he feels the same way and he's too scared to admit it too. Maybe he's just dating other girls because he doesn't think I feel the same way he does.

My head turns to the door when I hear a knock.

Heaving a deep sigh I cross the room and open the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So?" Justin flops down behind me on my bed. "What'd you think?"

I turn in the chair at my desk. "I like her."

He props a pillow behind his head. "Really? You're not just saying that."

"No, I like her." I smile at him and I can see him relax.  And I do like her. She's really nice and funny and smart. And she really seems to like Justin.

"Good."  He closes his eyes and I watch him a second before turning back to the book I was reading before he came back from dropping her off at her hotel.

The silence is comfortable, familiar. There were countless nights that we spent just like this. Him lying on my bed, usually playing some stupid handheld video game and me reading or doing homework. This is what I'm used to and I don't think there's anything in the world that will ever make me feel as complete as this right now.

Suddenly Justin starts laughing and I turn back around, an amused smile on my face.

"Care to share with the class?"

"I just keep thinking about something my mom used to say to me." He chuckles.

"Oh yea? What's that?" I lean forward and rest my chin on the back of the chair.

He shakes his head, as if whatever he's thinking is ridiculous. "She just used to say that we would always end up together."

My breath catches in my throat and I almost forget how to breathe. It's when he gives me a look that I realize I'm staring at him, my mouth agape. "W-what?"

"Yea." He chuckles again. "Some shit about us being childhood sweethearts. I mean, that's crazy."

"Yea, crazy." I need to do it. Just say it. Spit it out.

"Ashley likes you." He pauses. "As if there was any doubt she would."

"Justin I'm in love with you!"

Oh my God. Did I really just say that? Well, yell is more like it. But judging by the look on his face, I'm pretty sure those words did come out of my mouth.

"Uh." He swings his legs over the bed before he brings a hand up to scratch the back of his neck. "What?"

I lick my lips and look down. It's like pulling a band-aid. Except now that I've pulled the band-aid how do I explain the rest?

"Payton?"

"Yea." I lift my head and look at him. "Um..."

"You love me?" He asks, his voice full of disbelief and shock.

"Ok, well when you say it like that I sound like some crazy stalker." I can feel myself try to make light of the situation. But one more quick look at his face I know this isn't the time. "I might have some sort of feelings for you that maybe feel like more than just friendship."

"I don't understand. When did this happen?" He stands and starts pacing, reminiscent of what I was doing earlier in the evening. "How did this happen? Is it something new?"

I shrug and fold my hands in my lap. "Since sophomore year."

"Oh high school?!" He practically yells at me. I duck my head at his outburst. "Jesus Christ Payton!"

"I'm sorry."

"Why the fuck didn't you ever say anything?"

"Would it have mattered?" I jump to my feet.

"I don't know but damn it! Four fucking years?! Four years and you don't-"

"How was I supposed to tell you? Just come out and-"

"Anything! At any time! All you had to do was just-"

"Fuck off Justin!" I push past him and stand next to the door. "It's not that easy!"

"Yea, yea it is." He stands in front of me. "You just say it."

"Fine!" I throw my hands in the air. "I'm in love with you. Head over heels, crazy in love with you. So in love with you that I just subjected myself to three hours of your nauseatingly, sweet new girlfriend. Because it makes you happy!"

He takes a step back and I close my eyes, taking that minute to calm myself.

This isn't going how I pictured it. And I've pictured it, several hundred times. Each scenario had me telling him how I felt in this perfect, eloquent way. Or him telling me, going on and on about how he's always loved me. But this, right now, the two of us screaming at each other has never once crossed my mind.

"Look," I push my hair out of my face and take a deep breath. "I'm sorry for just dropping that on you but maybe-"

"Shut up."

"Excuse me?"

"Shut up." He repeats. "Give me a minute."

I nod and take a step back to lean against the doorframe. My mind is racing with thoughts of what he's thinking. For the first time in my life, I have no clue what he's thinking and it scares the crap out of me. I used to be able to read him like a book. What every smile meant, every tilt of his head, movement of his eyebrows.

But right now, he's a complete stranger to me.

"Maybe you should just-" I never got to finish my sentence, let alone my thought because he surges his mouth on mine.

Just as I start to respond he pulls back. My eyes search his, hoping for an answer. He seems to be doing the same thing.

"Sorry. I didn't-"

I shake my head and bring my hand up to my lips. "No, it....it's ok."

He starts to lean in again but stops when I breathe in sharply. His eyes trail over my face and I don't know what he's looking for.

He brings a hand up and tucks some loose hair behind my ear, his fingers trailing down my jaw to hold under chin, his thumb moving across my bottom lip.

I can hear my heart beating in my ears.

"Do....you have any idea how long I've waited to hear you say that?" He whispers.

I close my eyes and lean forward, resting my forehead against his. Please do not let this be a dream. With a shaky breath I pull back and look at him.

He gives me a soft smile he leans in and presses his lips to mine.