"Two hundred and sixty seven... yes that's what they are telling me... I'm not their baby sitter I don't know." Why couldn't people do their job and leave me alone for two minutes out of the day. I look over at the clock 10:06am... It's going to be a very long day. "I'm sorry. No comment." "I'm sorry we are not commenting on a client's personal life right now." "Yes, I know both of the parties involved are clients of Shinetime however we are not commenting on either party's personal life right now." That is the twentieth phone call I have received in the last hour about a client that has had a horrible break up and the want comments on the breakup. I had two hundred and sixty seven people on the guest list for Wednesday's premiere; I really didn't have the time to deal with some useless drama about a music superstar's breakup with his overly paid horrible actress of a girlfriend. Maybe he threw a tantrum and she left his ass, I didn't know.

            "Tracey, can you please make sure that list is confirmed."

            Tracey peaks her head in the door, "Yes, I will confirm it before the end of the day."

            I guess if anything, after being here for the last three months I realized I was lucky enough to have an assistant that knew what to do and when to do it. She was one of very few in this office that I would trust with my clients. I only handle the high profile clients. The ones that are so untouchable that they think they are rulers of the world.

            After a very long hot day in the office, I was ready to hit the bed in my air conditioned apartment. The central air in the office would be broken on the hottest day ever recorded in history in Los Angeles. This was my first summer in L.A so I didn't know what to expect for weather, but this was beyond what I thought it was going to be like.

            Today seemed to start off with a nightmare. I was certain that everyone in that office had PMS today. I understand that we have children to deal with on a daily basis but that's no excuse for them to act like children themselves. I need a vacation and I have only been here three months. The job I could handle, it was the people I couldn't deal with. I have never been much of a people person. Hints the reason I'm twenty nine and about to embark on thirty and I was still single. Thirty. Thirty. I didn't see that coming. The only guys I have every dated were very casual. I never did the serious relationship route. I never had the time to devote to a guy. Or maybe I just didn't make enough time for a guy. My career had come first in every aspect of my life. All my friends have ventured off into an actual life. They were either married with kids or divorced with ex-drama, all of the joys of life. That's not what I wanted for my life.

             I jump on the 405 hoping that the traffic isn't too bad. Not to my surprise it is a nightmare. I remember there is a short cut to my apartment, only if I could remember which exit it was. I took the exit I thought it was, and prayed that it was the right one. There was no traffic. If this wasn't the way, I would eventually find my way home. And if I got lost, well then the 405 would be clear by then.

            Over the next few minutes everything seems to be a blur.  There was a car accident. From the distance it looks like there are two vehicles involved. As I get closer I realize that this accident had to have just happened. The white SUV seems to be fully involved, it has caught fire. But there was someone helping those victims out of the vehicle.           

            I jump out of my vehicle and run over to the black Audi that doesn't even look like a vehicle anymore. The gentleman across the road yells, "That one is too far gone. We have to save these ones." Was this person a fucking doctor? How did they know that this person was dead?

            "This one is still breathing. I am not going to give up on them." I attempt to open the door but it is stuck. The car is catching fire from the gas that is scattered all over the road from the other vehicle. The door is stuck it won't open. I'm not a strong person, I didn't know what to do to get this door open.

             Maybe it was adrenaline or just the fact that I wasn't giving up on this person but somehow I opened that door. I drop them down the street. I was glad I took that first aid class back home because I knew what to do to protect them from getting hurt even more.

            "Sir, are you okay?" He wasn't answering me though he was mumbling. He couldn't speak works. His face and upper body had been badly hurt. Maybe it was all swelling and bruises but he was unrecognizable. "Sir, they ambulance is on the way. What is your name?" He lost complete unconsciousness. I began doing CPR until he regained his pulse but he was still unconscious. Finally the ambulance arrived. They took the other victims first. Supposedly the other victims were better off. They had fewer wounds and were more likely to survive.

"Ma'am, is this your husband?" The EMT is asking questions but I can't really focus. "Excuse me, miss is this your husband? What is his name? How long has he been unconscious?"

"I'm sorry I don't know him. I have never met him before. I. I. I just helped him out of the car." I am shaking, losing control of my body. "I did CPR to regain his pulse but he never regained consciousness."

"You got him out of that burning vehicle?"

"Yes. No one was trying to save him."

"Ma'am you saved this man's life. He will be forever grateful. You can meet us at the hospital if you would like. I am sure the police will have some questions for you. Just to verify what has happened."

            When I finally arrived at the hospital I noticed that my phone was beeping from missed alerts. I had completely forgotten that my best friend was coming over to barrow a dress. I had missed fourteen calls from her. She was going to kill me. I picked up the phone and it rang. The next thing I heard was...

"You had better be in a hospital somewhere and not able to take my phone calls."

"Lexie, I am at Cedar Sinai..."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Oh my god, are you ok?"

"Yes, I am fine. There was a car accident." I felt the panic in her voice so I clarified. "I wasn't involved in the accident. But I pulled a man out of a burning vehicle. They don't even know who he is."

"You pulled a guy out of a burning vehicle?"

"Yes, no one was helping him. Someone had to."

"So you thought being five foot eight and a hundred pounds that you should drag a man out of a burning vehicle."

"I do not weight a hundred pounds, your exaggerating."

"Ok maybe I am but damn, that is something else."

"I couldn't imagine being in his shoes."

"Maybe he is your prince."

"Your funny you know that, right? We live in L.A. there are only frogs here."

"I found a good one."

"A Mr. Right now."

"At least I am getting out there."

"Well, I think I gotta go now."

"Em you have got to get out of your funk..."

"Lexie, I have to go now."

            Four hours after I had arrived at Cedar Sinai and there were still no answers of who this gentleman was. He was in and out of consciousness the entire time I was there.

             The nurse came in and said that visiting hours were over but that I could come back in the morning. How could I just leave this man here and he not even know who he is. They informed me that the police and the local news had broadcasted things over and over again asking if someone was missing a family member or friend to please contact the hospital.

            I left my cell phone number with the nurse and asked that she call me if there was any news. I returned home to find a hundred emails in my inbox. No doubt half of them were magazines, some TV shows or reporter just wanting a comment on my music superstar's breakup.

            I forgot to shut the blinds last night, now I am suffering as the sun rises a little after 5:30am shinning right into my window. I had to get out of bed anyways. I wanted to stop at the hospital on the way to the office.

"I'm sorry miss. Can I help you?" The nurse stops me as I enter room 5222.

"I'm looking for a gentleman that I was here with last night. This is the room he was in."

"Oh, you're looking for John Doe."

"That's what you're calling him?"

"Yes. That's what we call patients that don't have an identification."

"Ok, well where is he? Did he make it through the night?"

"Yes, he was taken down for an MRI this morning as a precaution. He should be back any moment now. You must be beautiful brunette he kept referring to."

"Is he awake?"

"Yes, however he seems to have a touch of amnesia. He doesn't remember anything before the accident. He remembers you; he was referring to you as his wife."

"Is it permanent?"

"Most times after a traumatic event like he has gone through, the body tells it to not remember it. Only time will tell... It looks like he is one his way back right now."

            I look over and this man with a tiny very muscular frame is covered in bruises and stitches. He face looks like one big bruise. I felt my heart stop for a moment. He must be in so much pain.

"There she is, that's my wife. I told you I had a wife. She knows who I am." He takes a hold of my hand. I feel the weight of the world suddenly on my shoulders. I was about to crush this man's entire world. They put him in his room. I walk in behind them, sit down next to him. "Well damn I got lucky, looks like she has the beauty and the smarts. Look at business attire she has on. Damn I got a gorgeous wife."

I smile lightly at him, remove my hand from his, "I'm not your wife. I'm sorry."

"Then why were you with me the entire time... how do I know you?"

"I pulled up to the accident and helped you. I don't know who you are... I'm so sorry." It breaks my heart that I have to give this guy this news.

The tears start to well up in his eyes, I take his hand. "I'm not going anywhere. I will sit next to you all day if you would like."

"You would do that for someone you don't know?"

"Not just any stranger, you said I was beautiful so I guess I owe you."

"Thank you."

"But you should know that I will be bringing my office in here today. I have a ton of work to get done."

            I couldn't bear to leave him there, alone all day. I called into the office and told Tracey that I was working from home today and that if she needed anything to call my cell or email me. I couldn't believe that this was a choice I made without even thinking about it.

            I pulled out my laptop and used his moving table to set up a mini desk on.

"So what do you do?" he asked.

"I'm the Vice President of Shinetime Entertainment Group. It's a PR/Marketing firm."

"Oh."

"What's that supposed to mean." I took a little offence to that.

"Nothing, remember I don't know anything about ... well anything.

"Oh yea, I forgot."

"Oh are we cracking memory jokes now." He smiles at me.

"Sorry."

"So, how did you get to be a vice president at what, I'm guessing about twenty seven years old?"

"I'm actually twenty nine, and I have worked my tail off for the last decade."

"You must be good."

"Oh, I am good at what I do."

"I bet you are."

"Are you seriously making sexual references to me after only meeting me hours ago?"

"What if I was?"

"Seriously, cut it out."

"What else do I have to look forward to?"

"This is true. You have actually stooped to spending the day with me. Karma must be kicking your ass right now."

"What goes around... comes around." He gets a straight forward look on his face then snaps out of it.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, that just sounded familiar."

            The next few hours I worked diligently. I had this major premiere tonight and everything seems to fall at the waist side if I'm not in the office demanding things to be getting done. Finally I tell Tracey to get everyone down to the event location and make sure that their client has a seat ready and make sure their client is at least getting ready because they only had two hours to get their asses there.

"Wow, you're a mean one."

"Naw, I just have dimwits that work for me."

"Fire them."

"I wish I could."

"I thought you were Ms. big shot Vice President."

"Well legally I would have to find a documented reason why to fire them. Trust me I am looking." I throw a little wink at me.

"Hey now, none of that. If I can't take everything you say and make it sexual you cannot flirt with me."

"I would never"

"Yea, sure"

            I started packing my things up because I had to get to this event. I had just over an hour to run home shower, get ready, and make it there before the craziness begins.

"Where are you going? I thought you said you would spend the day with me?"

"I have to go to this movie premiere. I have nearly three hundred guests that are going to show up and have to deal with the dimwits that don't know what they are doing."

"Will you stop back?"

"I will try. Visiting hours end at 7 and I might not finish work until after that."

"I hope I get to see you later... Thanks."

"For what?"

"For just sitting with me today."

"You're very welcome. I'm surprised you enjoyed my company."

"The pleasure was all mine."

I just shake my head at his sexual innuendo again.

            If I wouldn't have enjoyed myself as much as I did today I would regret the choice I had made, but I really enjoyed spending time with him. Maybe it was because he didn't know me, he didn't know how sheltered I had become in the last couple years.

            There were three agents that were going to get an earful in the morning at the office. It was completely unnecessary to have made some of the mistakes that did. Most important thing is getting your clients there and on that red carpet before the movie starts. Now those people have lost the promotion for whatever they were promoting. Bad choice on their part.

            When everyone went to the after party, I skipped out and went back to the hospital. There was about twenty minutes left to visiting hours and I was going to at least stop in and see him. I was rushing as fast as I could in five inch heels up stairs and down the hallway.

"Well damn. Just when I thought you were gorgeous in your little pants suit, you step it up a notch. You're gorgeous."

"Thank you. But please you don't have to pretend to be nice to me."

"Oh honey if I wasn't being truthful you would know."

"Are you starting to remember things?"

"Not fully. But I think I know the kind of person I was and I know that I would never let someone that looks at beautiful as you do walk into a room without acknowledging that."

My cheeks blush and I turn away. "I brought you something."

"A piece of my memory?" His eyes light up and smiles really big.

"No, I don't think your brain is even remotely close to the size of this." I reach in my bag and pull out a container that has chocolate covered strawberries in them. "I know you don't know if you like them, but these are my favorite so I wanted to share them with you."

"Give them here, I will try it and see if I like them. Let's just hope I'm not allergic to something."

"Don't say that. It would be my luck to poison the one person that actually enjoys spending time with me."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing... just enjoy the strawberries."

"I thought we were sharing them?"

"I already had one, those are for you."

"Have one more with me, please."

            How can you turn down a guy that this is all he has at this moment? He simply only had the moments that you were sharing with him. It would totally kill my diet, but what the hell. I had no one to impress anymore. L.A. was kind of lonely.

            "What made you think that was the right thing to do last night? Seriously, I am asking a question?" Everyone in the room just looked at me as if I was speaking in Charlie Brown tone. "If your client does not make it to the red carpet with all the reporters, then they get no promotion. How is that not clear to everyone?"

Someone in the back of the room mumbles, "Well if some of us would have been in the office yesterday instead working from home"

"You know I can here you right? Loud in clear, I have perfect hearing. If you would like to keep your job I would advise you to either speak up or shut up. I have only been with this company for three months, but in that very short time I have seen who does their job and who doesn't. If you are working here to name drop to your friends I would advise you to resign because over the next six months or so I will be weeding out the ones that I think will not work out for this company. And as for your comment about me working from home, that's none of your business. I have spent the last three solid months in this office every day of the week from dusk to dawn. I took one day off, and even then I worked the entire day. Do we want to get into the stupid reason's people don't show up in this office, because I know more than some of you think I do..." The room got very quiet. "Now, let's get to work."

            Getting a hold of Mr. Music superstar has not been an easy task for me. He must have my phone number blocked because every time I call, it goes directly into his voicemail. "This is Emily Clarkson from Shinetime, Justin I need you to call me back to figure out what we are going to do about this situation and see how you want it handled... I know you don't like commenting on your personal life, however if we don't deal with this head on the backlash could be worse." Another day, another unanswered phone call. His ex, Ms. Overpaid horrible actress however has already issued a statement. She has always loved the press she would get from him. She was basically blaming him for the breakup. Making everyone assume that there was infidelity on his end. But I couldn't defend him because he wasn't answering any of my phone calls.

            The phone in my office rings, maybe this was him and I could finally work on someone else for a change.

"Emily Clarkson."

"Hey Em, its Lexie."

"Oh, hey. What's up?"

"Well I haven't seen you in a while, just wanted to see how you're doing."

"Just busy. Typical days for me."

"That's the truth... Do you want to get lunch with me tomorrow?"

"Sure I can do that. I have some things to take care of in the afternoon anyways. Is there something wrong?"

"No, I just miss you. I haven't seen you in weeks... I will see you tomorrow."

            She was hiding something from me. I didn't know what it was, but there was something she wasn't telling me. She has never just wanted to have lunch because she missed me.

            I left the office around 4:30. Third day in a row that I rolled out of here before the sun went down. I wanted to stop and see how he was doing, hoping maybe he got some more of his memory back. Today they had removed some of his bandages and were letting them begin to heal on their own. The plastic surgeon has said that all the wounds should heal without major scaring. His face was starting to release some pressure; the swelling has begun to go down.

            On the way to the hospital I stopped at the In and out Burger and to get food for him. He hated the hospital food. And not knowing what he liked or would even want, I bought enough food for six people. When I walked into his room with all the bags of food he goes, "Are you expecting more people to join us?"

"No, I just didn't know what you would want."

"I would like some sushi." he nods his head and licks his lips.

"Are you serious? You like sushi?"

"Actually yes."

"You're remembering, that's great! Maybe tomorrow?"

"So that means I will see you again tomorrow?"

"Maybe if you're lucky."

            After spending a couple hours with him, I went back to the office. There was a lot of stuff that I was neglecting by leaving the office early. So I had to make up some things.

            My phone began to ring in the office and it was after 9:00. I answer it thinking it had to be important for the security to put the call threw to my line and not the voicemail line.

"Emily Clarkson. Can I help you?"

"Yea I think that you brought me enough food tonight for four people and I ate it all now my stomach hurts. Can you help that?"

A smile creeps up on my face, it was him. "I'm sorry sir did you try using the restroom? Sometimes that helps when someone is full of crap!"

"Oh snap. You don't have to be so rough with me."

"You ain't seen rough yet."I joked.

"There you go with your sexual flirting with me. Not fair."

"Sorry, I had to say it."

"No apologizes needed. So why are you still at the office?"

"Work. I have a lot of work to finish." As always.

"Do I take too much of your time?" He sounded sad.

"No it's not that. I just work with dimwits remember?"

"Oh yea, I forgot." He gets quiet.

"Is there something you need?"

"I just wanted to talk to someone. This room gets quiet and boring."

"I think I can stop and see you tomorrow. I am only in the office till around one, but I have lunch plans with a friend. How does after that sound?"

"A boyfriend?"

I roll my eyes, "NO." I said it pretty stern.

"Whoa, sore subject... Well then I guess I will see you tomorrow, if you have time."

"Wait, I'm sorry I was rude. I'm just tired of people asking me if I have a boyfriend. Everyone seems to think that I can't be happy if I don't have a man in my life. I'm sorry. It's not your fault."

"It's ok. I understand and please don't listen to those people. When you find the person that you love without even thinking about it, that's when it will happen. You seem to be a pretty great person and that is a great quality to have. Get a good night's rest, I will see you tomorrow."

"Good night."

            I felt like shit. I shouldn't have snapped at him. Nothing going on in my life has anything to do with what he has done to me. If anything he has been a great escape from my real life. I had this slight quiver in my stomach; it was a happy quiver though.

            So much for an easy morning in the office, I walked into the office a little after seven because of some major crisis. My phone started ringing at 5:00am. Seriously do people think just because the East Coast is awake that I should be awake at that time?

            Tracey has gotten here early as well. "Emily, Nicole is in the New York office and she is on the phone. She wants to talk to you about her client."

"When did Nicole go to New York?"

"Yesterday, I think."

            Before picking up the phone I take a very deep sigh of breathe. Here we go!  "Emily Clarkson, can I help you."

"Emily, its Nicole. I'm in New York with Jessica Biel. I wanted you to be the first to know that she is about to do an interview regarding her breakup with Justin. "

"An interview... she wasn't happy with the attention she got from just the statement? What does she have to say that she hasn't already said?"

"She is claiming that Justin cheating and belittled her for years."

"You're joking right? Justin hasn't even called me back with a statement... Is her allegations true or is she just making shit up?"

"I don't believe a word she is saying, not to mention I have told her numerous times that this interview is bad for her and her career."

"Damn right it will be bad for her, because if I find a small crack in her story I will destroy her career in a heartbeat. She has to remember that Justin Timberlake is my client and he actually has the talent to back up his career... Inform her to makes sure she is one hundred percent on her allegations. I really don't have the time to deal with selfishness today. I have a major crisis going down with another one of clients. Bigger crisis that her entire career."

"She said Justin sometimes vanishes and hides when he doesn't want to talk to anyone." Yea I do to but that doesn't mean I want to flush my career down the drain... Ugh. "Ok, deal with her before she does this interview."

            Why couldn't Mr. Sexyback answer one of my phone calls? Does he really think he can hide from me? I know all the secrets. I will find him and I will destroy his ex-girlfriends whole world.

            "Justin, this is Emily Clarkson... again. Jessica is throwing out some allegations that you cheating and belittled her for years. I need to know exactly what's going on so I know how to spin the story. Don't make me come find you, because I will."

            One o'clock creeps up very slowly. I railroaded Jessica's story and she agreed not to say anything yet. I needed to find him and get his side of the story out there. At the very least get a statement out there from him. I may have to release a statement on his behalf until I get some answers.

            Why Lexie chose to eat at the Ivy is beyond me. She knows that place is non-stop paparazzi. It would annoy me more than anything. If only the food was as good as the name and hype of this place.

            She walks in moments after I do and sits without acknowledging anything else around us. She looked warn out.

"Are you ok?" I ask with questions.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure."

"Yea, I'm sure. How was work today?"

"Stressful."

"Isn't that job always stressful?"

"It has its moments. Like today one of my clients, the star of one biggest vampire movies in a decade was caught with his pants down, literally. He was getting it on in a restroom at a nightclub and someone not only got pictures, they videotaped it.... The joys of my job."

"That has to suck for them."

"Oh, he doesn't seem to care. He said to me, ‘Everyone has sex.' But I guess he forgot to mention that the sex in the bathroom was not with his fiancé."

In the most serious face I have even seen on her she says, "I'm pregnant."

"What?" I was shocked, beyond shocked. "What a transition between topics."

"I'm sorry I blurted it out. I just didn't know how to say it other than to blurt it out.

"Wow, what are you going to do."

"I have always wanted kids, but I thought I would be married or at least settled down."

"So, this guy you have been seeing, Jake he is the father right?"

"Where have you been Emily. Jake was my ex like six months ago."

"Sorry." I felt bad.

"You haven't met this one. We were actually just hooking up and just starting to get to know each other. The bad thing is... I needed to come talk to you because he is your client."

"Please, Please tell it's not Justin Timberlake."

She had this confused look on her face, "No, why would you think that?"

"Well his girlfriend/ex-girlfriend is claiming he cheated on her."

"He isn't that kind of man."

"All man can cheat. Anyone can for that matter."

"It's just not who he is. He has had it happen to him, he knows what it feels like."

"Well I don't believe anything his ex has to say anyways... but I can't seem to get a hold of him to figure any of this out."

"I used to see him at a small nightclub every Friday, when I worked there last month. He would typically come in with one of his bodyguards and sit in the back. Have a few drinks, watch the live bands, mingle a little and leave. I never ever saw him flirt with anyone. If anyone walked up to him he was politely talk to them then they would leave."

"What club?"

"1160 Bar & Lounge on Vermont Ave"

"Every Friday, like clockwork?

"Every Friday, for nearly two months."

            I was going to have to make a trip to this club tonight.

"Anyways back to what you were saying" I say.

"Rob, is his name."

I dropped my head, "The same Rob that I have been dealing with all day?"

She nods her head. And says nothing.

"Lex he is a fiancé."

"He said he left her, I swear that was the first question I asked when we met. They haven't been together for a while."

"That's nice that he is telling his PR firm something else.... Oh my god... Were you out with him last night? Is that video of you and him?"

"Yes." She drops her head in embarrassment.

"Oh shit... Does he know you're pregnant?"

"Yes."

            Wasn't that a swift kick in the ass for me?  Just when I thought the issue was over, it has really just begun. I returned to the office, I knew I wouldn't get out of here on time today. I yell out my door to Tracey, "Could you please get Robert Pattinson on the phone please. Don't take any of his bullshit either. Tell him I know everything." Just moments later...

"Rob's on line one."

            Have I said that I really dislike when people lie to me.

"Rob, It's Emily Clarkson. I figured you haven't heard enough of me today."

"Oh, Em you know I love talking to you, I would also love to take you to a level of "

I interrupt him "First, you should know that Lexie is my best friend. Second, you should never speak to a woman like that when you have someone in your life. Show some respect. Speaking of respect, I think you have a lot of confessing to do."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Where should I start, with the fact that you left your fiancé a couple months ago or would you like to start with the fact that you forgot to wear a condom and knocked my best friend up?" Silence is all I heard through the phone. "What you have nothing to say now."

"You are pointing the finger about my engagement at the wrong person. Amy left me. She broke off the engagement and I chose to not explain that because I wanted this promotion for the movie to be good. But with the tape leaking from last night, it's all ruined."

"I don't have the time right now to deal with this. I am going to give you twenty four hours to get all your ducks in a freaking row. This time tomorrow you will be releasing a state about your ex- fiancé and your new girlfriend. Oh yea... and let's not forget about the sex tape..."

            I slammed the phone down. I had to get out of this office. I was already late getting over to the hospital. I didn't even get out the door of my office and Tracey stops me. "I know you're trying to leave but I really think we need issue some kind of statement on behalf of Justin. The press is having a field day with all the stories."

"I know I was thinking about that..." I rattled off a statement and say, "You can release that."

            "Do you think that is like a blatant jab at her?"

            "Oh it is. I want to make sure she knows that I am not messing around. She isn't going to make up false stories about my clients."

            I walked out of that office and ignored everyone that spoke to me, kept walking. I stopped and picked up clothes for him. He hated being in those hospital gowns. So I picked him up some sweats, t-shirts, and boxer briefs. Comfortable clothes and easy for him to deal with. I picked up some sushi for him, I wasn't much of a seafood person but it was something he wanted. He looked better today; the bruises were starting to fade even more on his face. The swelling was nearly gone. He looked very happy to see me walk through those doors.

"You are late."

"Boy, you are lucky I even got out of that office. I nearly killed everyone in my path today."

"Bad day?"

"Horrible day."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't have to. It looks like you are going to get a sample of what I have done today" I point at the TV. He was watching ‘Farris Buller's Day Off' on E!. He turns up the volume.

"Hey, they interrupted that movie. I liked that movie." He is a little mad.

            Reps for Justin Timberlake having finally have broken their silence. But they only add fuel to the fire.

            "Justin Timberlake and his entire management would like to thank everyone for respecting his privacy on such a private matter. This is and will remain a private matter until otherwise stated. Please remember, don't believe everything you read. Sometimes the truth is stretched a little too far."

            He just stared at the TV. "That's what you do all day, release statements for overpaid horrible actresses and music superstars that make way too much money?"

            I laugh at him. "We think so alike." When the movie returned to the screen I remembered I brought him some things. "I have a present for you."

"You didn't have to buy me anything."

"I know, but I think this will make your stay, for however much longer you are here a little more comfortable." I handle him a bag that was kind of heavy and he started pulling out clothes. There was like five outfits in there, and then on the bottom there were boxer briefs. "I wasn't sure which kind you wore, so I got the ones that most of the guys I have known have worn."

"Thank you so much. Can I give you a hug for this?"

            I lean in and embrace his nice large, warm hug.

"You smell good... thank you for this. I will repay you someday, I promise."

"Don't worry about it. I know that it's something you needed."

            I stayed and finished watching Ferris day off and then we watched ‘The Wedding Singer'. I loved old movies that were actually goofy funny. It made my day much better.

            I woke up with a pounding headache. I wasn't sure if it was the stress from my job or that horrible band that was playing at 1160 Bar and Lounge last night. My only guess was Justin went there scoping out new talent. Well I must have chosen the wrong time to go because they were not good at all. The woman before that rock band had an amazing voice, but they were horrid.

            I sat in the back booth, in the exact location that Lexie told me he would sit in. I waited for a couple hours and he didn't show. He hasn't been seen in a couple days. He doesn't hide that well. I was certain that he would pop up somewhere. I had people watching for him like a hawk. Most of his camp was sure he was in NYC but that of all places was no easy place to hide. There are paparazzi everywhere in NYC, there would have been at least one photo of him there... somewhere.

            I dug through the bottom of my purse for some Tylenol but I couldn't seem to find anything. The lights down the hallway to my office are brighter than they have ever been or maybe this headache was worse than I thought.

            I dreaded the idea of dealing with this Rob/Lexie issue. Only my best friend would get involved with one of my clients and make a mess out of it. I'm pretty certain she is the one that bitches I spend too much time in the office... now I can blame it on her.

"Emily, Jessica Biel is sitting in your office." Tracey says to me as I walk past her desk.

"Great. Thanks."

            I walk in my office and see her sitting in my chair. "Excuse me, the last time I check that was my chair, at my desk, in my office. Please remove yourself from it."

"Last time I check, I'm sure I paid for it, being as I'm part of this agency."

"Last time I check you were not my client."

She rolls her eyes and begins rambling about the statement that was made yesterday. "How dare you make a jab at me and my credibility in this business? I have never been so..."

 I interrupt her "You have never been what? You have never had the publicity that you do now that you have dated and separated from one of the biggest celebrities in the world? What you have never had the truth thrown in your face? What's the problem, do you expect everyone to bow down to you?"

"You made that statement out to be as if I was the bad guy in this breakup."

"Truth hurts doesn't it?"

"You have no idea what our relationship was like."

"Well typically when someone is trying to use me as a staple in a career, I leave them in the dust as well." She just glared at me, knowing that I knew enough to bury her into the ground. "What you don't have anything to say now? You should remember that I have friends in this industry from all angles. I know that you have used my client to get photos of you taken. I know that you were the biggest leak in all the troubles you have had in your relationship. I know more than you probably know."

"I don't know where you get your information but you are wrong."

"So, Justin didn't kick your ass to the curb? He didn't tell you that he wanted to separate a year ago?"

"Ugh. We have had our problems but I loved him..."

"Loved. Used. Something right?"

"I came in here to tell you that I will be doing that interview and I will be saying everything I want."

"That's fine." I said, as she looked stunned. "You can choose your own grave. Because I will bury your career."

"I have been acting a long time. Justin is not the reason I book my jobs."

I just smile and continue to nod my head, "I have seen your roster, I know that since you left the TV show, you haven't really gotten any respectable jobs. And you never had a picture in a magazine until you started dating Justin. You saw the press that he gave you. You saw the perks of dating him would give you... I guess I feel bad for Justin, you have been using him for a long time, I guess you are a good actress... just not on camera." I got up from my desk and said, "The door is right there and I would like you to shut it as you leave my office."

            She gets up mumbles something that I could care less about and slams my office door, very mature of her. This is not how I envision my Saturday morning starting off. But I guess now it was time to deal with my Rob/Lexie issue.

            Emails seem to get more and more every time I log in. It was beginning to be overwhelming considering I couldn't really hand off anything because the dimwits in the office. They deal with clients that are not nearly as successful as my clients. I'd seriously behead someone if they screwed up one of my client's promotion. There is an email from Lexie asking me to have dinner with her and Rob tonight around six. I send a quick email back that simply says, I would love to but I already have dinner plans. I didn't want to have dinner with my client that is going to be my best friend's baby daddy.

            I should have known that was not the best choice of words to send her, because moments later she is calling my office.

"You have a date tonight? I had no idea you were seeing someone."

"Not a date, just dinner."

"With who, a client?"

"No. Just someone. Not a big deal."

"Emily Marie Clarkson..."

"Wow, you busted out the entire name... it's just dinner with that gentleman from the car accident. I promised I would bring him dinner tonight."

"Have you been spending a lot of time with him?"

"No, some time. I work too much remember... because of you."

"So you like this guy?"

"Lex, he doesn't have a clue who he is, what he likes, hell he doesn't know his own name. I'm the one that found him I can't just abandon him before his family claims him."

"Do they have any leads?"

"There have been people that say they are missing a family member but all the leads end up coming up short."

"Well have fun with your mystery guy. Maybe next week we can get together for dinner."

            Sure, yeah maybe next week I would love to spend with your baby's daddy, who just happens to be one of my clients. Good times.

            I got out of the office around four and headed home to change into some casual clothes and to make him dinner. I promise I would make him something to eat instead of buying fast food again. So I made him my famous lasagna. It was the same way my mother would make it growing up. Man I miss her cooking. It was times like these in my life when I wish she was still here and could share her wisdom with me.

            I threw on some jeans and a tank and headed to the hospital. It was becoming part of my daily routine. I normally show up in my office attire because it's a waste of time to drive all the way to one side of town for my apartment then drive back across town for the hospital.

            Sitting in the same spot he was yesterday there he is in the bed. But today he is wearing a pair of grey sweatpants and a t-shirt that I had brought him. As crazy and weird as it was, he looked sexy. Bruises and all he looks sexy.

            I brought enough food for us and the nurses, I figure they have put up with me enough in the last couple days, they deserved it. I handed what was left to the nurse in the room and she thanked me and left. I turned around to watch my hands and come back and he says, "Turn around."

"No. You are not looking at my ass mister."

"I'm serious, turn around." He was being serious and doing that circle movement with his hands. He is concentrating on that pocket, the logo that makes these jeans significantly different from every other pair on the market.

"Ok stop looking at my ass."

"You have a nice ass, I think I have always been an ass man but I was looking at the logo. It looks so familiar."

"They are actually a brand of jeans from one of my clients."

"They just give them to you." He seemed surprised by that.

"Oh yea, he normally sends me a box every season." I finish serving the food to him and I take a seat in that same very uncomfortable chair.

"Oh. What's the brand?"

"William Rast."

            He shakes his head. He knows he should know that name for some reason. The look of frustration runs across his face. "Why can't I remember anything? Why don't I know my own name? Why hasn't my family come to find me? Do I even have a family?"

I take his hand into mine, "I'm sorry. I wish I had some answers for you. I really do. Then you wouldn't have to put up with me day after day."

"Please don't take offense to that. I enjoy spending all this time with you. I just would like to know my name, my history, my job, anything."

"I don't know how you are deal with this every day. I commend you on that."

He seems to be thinking but not talking then he blurts out, "When I get out of here, and hopefully I know by then who I am, I want to take you out to dinner... I want to take a walk on the beach with you... anything to pay you back for all you have done for me."

            I never thought about what I would do once his family came for him. What would happen after he got his memory back? Those are questions I never really thought about the outcome to.

It's the first Sunday in three months that I was not going into the office. I wake up just after 9:00 and step out into the apartment and see that I haven't done any cleaning in nearly a week. I haven't had the time, luckily I wasn't here enough to make any kind of huge mess.

            Mr. Timberlake has yet to even return a single phone call and when he does... oh was I going to have it out with him. Disappearing when you need to clear you head is fine, however you should tell someone, anyone. Rob and Lexie have decided they are keeping the baby and are going to try and make it work. I guess a baby and a sex tape go hand and hand.

            I had intentions on getting some laundry done and maybe even getting this apartment make to at least living quality. Maybe even stop at the grocery store. Never mind scratch that. It would mean I would have clean out the refrigerator. It's better if I just not open it at all.

            Before I even begin anything I am interrupted but my phone ringing. I thought for just a moment, don't even look at it. Whatever has happened can wait till the morning. But of course I ran across the room and pick up the phone. It was the hospitals phone number on the screen.

"Emily Clarkson."

"Hi Emily, this is Michelle. I have been the nurse with John Doe the last couple nights. I was wondering if you could stop by the hospital around 3:00."

"Is everything ok?" I sounded a little panicked but wasn't sure what to expect.

"Everything is fine with him, there is just something the police want to discuss with you and they asked that you be here."

"I will be there."

            The drive to the hospital today was like a deep pit in my stomach. I had a bad feeling that today was going to be devastating for Justin. I assumed they didn't have any news or they still didn't have a clue what had happened. But instead, the Los Angeles Police Dept has handed the only key into this man's life into my hands. His phone. They assume that the phone was in his pocket or wedge under his leg and when I removed him from the vehicle the phone hit the ground. The entire car was burnt to a crisp however this survived it all. It was found on the street when they cleared the area.

"Ma'am' if you could see to it that he gets this phone that would be appreciated."

As he hands it to me, I get pissed off, "How long have you had this phone?"

"Since the scene of the accident. It has cleared from evidence now and he can have it back."

"So, you are telling me that you have had a piece of this man's history this entire time? The LAPD has let this man sit in this hospital for a six, six whole days with no sign of who he is?"

"I'm sorry Ma'am. That is procedure."

I turned and walked away from him. "Screw your procedures."

            I stare at this blackberry in my hand... pondering for a moment of what I should do. Should I take it to him, see if anything strikes a chord? Should I call a number that says ‘home'?

            I turn on the phone. Seventy five missed calls. Twenty seven voicemails. Fifty two text messages. And one hundred eighty emails. He must be an important person, whatever career he is in. Instead of going through all his person messages and calls I start to go through the contacts. There must have been hundreds of contacts. All names that look familiar to me but the one that stands out the most is Trace Ayala. This person knows the best friend of my client Justin Timberlake. But as I go back up the list, I see one entitled, ‘Mom'. I didn't even have a name of the person that was going to be on the other end. If anyone deserved to know what was going on it should be his mother. I dial the number on my phone and it begins to ring.

"Hello." She has a sweet southern voice.

"Hi, my name is Emily Clarkson." I paused for a moment, I honestly don't know how to say this but I had to. "Do you have a son, maybe about thirty years old?"

"I'm sorry I don't know who you are." She sounded stern however confused.

 "I know that you don't know me. I'm sorry... but I... I think your son was involved in a car accident. I'm at Cedar Sinai here in Los Angeles and he has been here... " she interrupts me.

"You must have the wrong phone number; my son is in New York City. He has been there for a week."

"That may be true, however I got your phone number out of his phone and the name attached to the number was, ‘Mom." She got very quite.

"What is my son's name?"

 "Ma'am, I really can't answer that question. The car accident has left him with some memory issues. The doctors seem to think it isn't permanent but it's been six days, so they are not ruling anything out right now."

"Six days?"

"Yes, the accident was six days ago. He is alert and oriented but has no memory of who he is or anything before the accident."

"This is hard to believe. If this was my son, you would know who he is."

I was very confused. "How would I know who he is?"

"Trust me you would."

"Ok I don't fully understand what you are trying to say however, I'm at Cedar Sinai on the 5th floor. His room number is 5222. I will be in the waiting room for the next half hour or so. I have on blue and white top with a black pencil skirt. Again I am sorry to have to give you this information but I didn't know who else to call... I would really like him to find out who he is and hopefully get his memory back. He is a wonderful person."

She is quite again, I know she doesn't want to believe me but this is what I think I needed to do.

"I will be there in fifteen minutes or so depending on traffic..."

            The minutes seem to tick by minute by minute. My palms are sweating and my foot is tapping against the chair. There was no reason I should be nervous but I was. I had spent the last six days with this guy and I guess the moment his mother walks through that door, I don't have to be here anymore. I can leave him to his family and not a stranger that has spent every waking moment with him.

            The elevator door opens and a woman about my height with sandy brown curly hair steps off. I knew who she was. I knew exactly who she was. That moment I knew what she was talking about. If this was my son, you would know who he was.

She approaches me. "Emily?"

I stood there for a moment breathless. "Lynn. You're Lynn Harless."

"So you know who I am."

I felt the weakness of my knees as I turn around to see if there was a chair behind me. I cup my hand over my mouth. I mumble, "Oh my god..."

She sits down next to me. "So you know who my son is."

My voice shakes, "Justin. Oh my god..."

            I have been sitting next to one of my biggest clients for an entire week. Justin Timberlake has been sitting next to me for the last six days and I had no clue. I start to sob. This guy that I had such harsh feelings and words toward all week has actually been sitting next to me... eating dinner with me... making sexual innuendos at me... he was here the whole time. All the little clues seem to fit now... John Doe was Justin Timberlake.

            With tears in my eyes, I compose myself and ask if she would like to go see him.

"How can I be sure that this is my son?"

            I unclench my hand that is wrapped around his phone and I hand it to her. She just looks at me and falls back down to the chair. She at that moment knew, without a shadow of a doubt that it was her son.

            I walked with Lynn down the hallway silently. Every noise in the world had vanished. We stop just outside of the door. I warn her that he looks fine now, there were some bruises and some swelling left but not much. I stressed that he was physically fine now.

            As we turned into the room, the knot in my stomach grew even tighter. I walked in first.

"Justin." He looked up at me and it was like a small light had been started. "That's your name. Justin... and this..." I turn towards Lynn and motioned for her to walk in. She steps in the room next to me and I see him stare at her for just a moment. "Justin, this is..."

He interrupts me, "Mom. Omg... that's my mom!" The tears start to stream down his face. I remember... I remember... that is my mom... her name is Lynn... I am... Justin Timberlake." He looks up at me. "I'm sorry I made your life a living hell this week." I just smile at him and fight back the tears that I want to shed so bad, my eyes fill up with tears, I can't hold it back.

"It's ok this time... just don't let it happen again."

"I will make it up to you somehow." He says.

Lynn looks really confused, "Did I miss something?"

"Mom, this is Emily Clarkson. She is my PR agent." Justin states.

"How... when..." Lynn still looks confused.

"She started at the firm about three months ago, she took over for Sam."

You see the ‘oh' face on Lynn now.

            I half heartedly smiled at them and said I would leave them alone. My entire body was numb. I felt empty again. I walked as quickly as I could down that long hallway and when I got into the waiting area I hit the floor, sobbing.

            The emptiness had kicked in. I was alone, again.

            I was on my knees with my head on the ground, sobbing. I had only met this person a couple days ago why did it hurt so much to walk away from him. But the reality was I have known him for months. With the swelling and the bruises to his face I didn't recognize him. Not to mention I just never really cared to know who he really was. He was just a client. I knew that when he remembered who he was that I would have to step back and walk away from him. I knew that, why does it hurt so bad to actually, physically walk away.

            I couldn't be in this hospital anymore. I had to get away from everyone. I get in my car and drive and drive. I had driven two hours south of Los Angeles to a site that I had drove to every single day for a year. I think that if I still lived in San Diego, I would continue to drive here day after day.

Stones of all sizes and shapes surround me. The emptiness I felt the day she left this earth still resides inside me. I have never gotten over the death of my mother. I have never been able to deal with it. One year and three months of avoidance. Throwing myself into work as got me to the point I am today but at some point I need to face it.

"How did I become this person?" I say out loud. With each question, I get louder and louder. "How did I get so wrapped up in myself and my work that I forgot how to feel any emotion? Why can't I let anyone in? Why did I have to lose you?" I pound my fist into my leg. "It should have been me... You should be alive today... I need you more now in my life than ever before. I need you to tell me what I should do? I need you to tell me your okay. I need you..."

            The drive back to L.A was a blur. I don't remember driving from her grave spot to my apartment but there I was staring at an empty apartment, with an empty heart, and an empty world.

            I lay in bed staring at the ceiling until I fell asleep hours later. Only to be woken up by the phone ringing. When I opened my eyes, I realized that it was already the next morning. I had slept the entire day away. It was the office. Heaven forbid I not be in there an hour before my shift normally starts. I can't do this. Life happens, things change, people leave.

            I get up, shower, and get on my way to the office. I stop at the Starbucks just down from the office. It makes me think of him. He hated hospital coffee. I shake my head... I have to focus on what I need to do. I have a job to do. Breathe.

"Melissa... where have you been. I know where Justin is... I know why he hasn't been answering your phone calls..." Tracey says as I walk past her and straight into my office. She comes in, "Are you okay?"

"It was a rough weekend."

"So, Justin Timberlake was in a car accident. Memory loss the whole nine yards, that's why he hasn't called you."

"I know."

"You know? Since when?"

"Depends."

"What do you mean it depends?"

"Do you remember me telling you about that car accident last week, the guy I had helped..."

She nods her head yes, then it hits her. "Oh my god... that was Justin."

"Yes."

"You were with him the entire time... how did you find out?"

"The police brought his phone to me, I called his mother... When she walked through those doors I knew who she was, I knew who he was at that moment."

"What's going on now with him?"

"I don't know I haven't seen or talked to him since I left the hospital yesterday afternoon."

"I'm surprised you didn't stay."

"Well this gentleman he..." he has a name now, I thought. "Justin... got his memory back. There was no need for me to be there."

"So, you have no interest in him?"

"He is a client."

"That's not what I asked."

"He is a client. That's all."

"So you spent an entire week with a guy you didn't know, who turned out to be someone you knew and it meant nothing?"

"Tracey, he was someone that needed help. I helped him. He doesn't need my help anymore. Case closed."

She mumbles, "Ok..." as she walks out of my office.

            I had to much work to do to think about what Mr. Timberlake was doing, regardless how many times I thought about him. Things were not going to change. He is a client. He is Justin Timberlake and as much as I didn't want to, I had to make a trip to the hospital to get some information from him. I had to do my job.

            After being in the office and stalling for nearly nine hours I decided I had to get this over with. I pack up my things and shut off the light. I was the only one left in the office again. So I walked down a dim light hallway to the elevator, hoping my phone would ring or something would happen to prevent me from making this trip to the hospital.

            There was no traffic, no waiting at traffic lights, no stop signs... anything. This world was seriously against me. I felt so much pressure in my chest as I started to walk down that last stretch of hallway before his room. Why was this so difficult? Seriously this is a client that needs to answer some questions, get yourself together.

            I knock on his door and step inside. Lynn says hello but the only thing I see is a woman embracing Justin. I couldn't see who it was but she kissed him. Maybe he was seeing someone else. Maybe Jessica was right with her allegations.  I had a knot in my throat. I turned and walked out of the room. I hear someone call my name but I couldn't do this, I couldn't be here. I had to contain myself.

            What was my problem?

            I had a job to do. I had to get a statement from a client. I had to find out what he wanted people to know and what he wanted to keep on the dark side. I had to find out who that woman was. Contain yourself Emily and do your job.

            I sit in the waiting area for a moment, hoping to convince myself enough to go back in there. Maybe I just wasn't used to seeing someone else spending time with him... maybe it was that I missed having someone to eat dinner with... maybe I had officially gone off the deep end.

            The woman that was in Justin's room is walking down the hallway towards me. Shut the fuck up. She smiles at me, "Emily. It's nice to see you again."

"Jessica? Why are you here?"

"Justin was in a car accident, of course I'm here."

"Only a week too late."

"Emily, we are meant for each other..." She presses the button on the elevator. "I don't know what is going on between the two of you but just so you know we will work this out. We will be back together." She steps on the elevator and the doors close behind her. He went back to her.

             My phone is buzzing inside of my blazer jacket. Without even looking at the phone I answer it, "Emily Clarkson."

"Em."

It was him. I didn't want Justin Timberlake calling me Em.

"Em, please answer me. Please come back, I want to see you."

I don't say a word to him, I hang up the phone.

            I walk back down that hallway and enter the room. I can't even look at him. I'm not sure if I am mad or relieved. He had his life back. All of his current life and his old life.

            I continue to look down at my notebook, I began to ramble very fast "Justin I have to get a statement from you about everything that is happen. Obviously we don't need to worry about the breakup. I see that you worked that out. What do you want to say about the accident, about your schedule, your fans, whatever I just need a brief statement so I can get back to the office?"

He is calm and collected, "Em."

I look up at him, "Don't call me Em."

"Okay... Emily. I don't want to talk about a statement. I don't want to talk about anything relating to work."

"Justin, I'm your PR agent, I just need a statement so I can go."

"I'm not giving you a statement. Screw that. I want to talk to you."

"Well then I guess my job is done here." I get up and start to walk out of the room.

"Emily Marie Clarkson." Justin hollers.

I close my eyes, fighting back the tears. "Justin I have to go."

"Emily, this isn't what you think it was."

"It doesn't matter." In my I don't give a fuck tone. "I will have my assistant call you in the morning and get a statement."

            I nearly run out of that room. I was a professional and I couldn't help but letting get my emotions get the best of me. I was a fucking professional... get a grip.

            There I was again, eating my salad alone in my empty apartment. It never used to matter to me. I enjoyed my quiet time. I enjoyed my life the way it was, at least I had convinced myself that I was content with my life.

            "Emily, I got Justin's statement, did you want to read it." The answer to that would be a no. But I woke up this morning thinking that I was Emily freaking Clarkson, I can deal with this crap and move on.

"Sure, let's hear what Mr. Superstar had to say today."

She clears her throat and begins to read his statement. "I would like to thank everyone for their support and well wishes through this difficult time in my life. I will be taking some time off to recover from a car accident and to mend a broken heart. My relationship with Jessica is officially over, there is no reconciliation as there has been reported. It's that time in my life when I knew this was the right choice. I can one hundred percent stand behind my words when I say, there was no infidelity on my end of the relationship. Everything happens for a reason."

"Wow, he had a lot to say.' I was surprised he brought up the Jessica situation.

"There's more..."

"Now... now he has a lot to say..." I shake my head in disbelief.

She continues reading from her sheet of paper, "Which brings me to someone else. I need to thank someone that risked her life to save mine. She stuck beside me from the day of the accident until the moment I remembered everything. She is the most amazing person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing in my life. I hope to someday repay her. Em, I miss you."

"He put that in his statement?"

"Yes. I asked if he wanted me to tell you that or if it was part of the statement and he was pretty stern on getting it in the statement."

"Is that all he had to say?"

"Yes, that's the end of the statement."

"I guess release it to the press. It's his career not mine." I look away from her and focus on the emails I am attempting to finish.

"Em."

"Yes, Tracey"

"Em, he misses you."

I continue typing an email. "I'm sure he does." I roll my eyes. "But he doesn't fool me. I see through his tricks."

            Tracey must not have liked that response because she left the room and shut the door behind her. Within moments of her releasing the statement I get a phone call from him. As much as I don't want to answer the phone, I can't ignore him forever. He was my client.

"Good Morning, Emily Clarkson."

"Emily, its Justin..."

"Hello Justin, is there something I can do for you?"

"Well now... that's what I'm talking about!"

I do smile, I can help but smile. That was the guy that I knew that I got to know so well. But I had to step back and be his PR Agent. "Justin please get your mind out of the gutter. You are a client, what did you need?"

"I need you to be the Emily that I have gotten to know so well over the last week. I need you to let me back in. I need to see you." Justin begs.

"Justin, you have your life back. Be happy with that." As stern as I was being with him, I really wanted to just say ‘I will be right there.' But I knew that I couldn't do that. I don't get involved with clients for a reason.

"I have the memories, the job, and the money but I lost you in the process."

"I'm still your PR Agent. I'm not going anywhere."

"That's just it, you are already gone... At least the Emily that I want in my life is gone."

"Justin, I can find you a new agent if that's what you are wanting."

"NO." He sounded almost angry. "I want you. I want the real you."

"That's out of the question Justin." I feel my emotions getting the best of me now. "Is there anything else you need right now from us here, if not I have a lot of work to do?"

"Can I call you later?"

"Justin, you can call me anytime. You have my number." Did I just say that out loud?

"Well then you should expect to get a couple phone calls from me today."

            Shit I did just say that out loud. What did I just do? I don't want to lead him to think this can go anywhere. The last thing his career needs is his pathetic PR agent giving the press something else to talk about.

            Is it bad that it's a little after nine in the morning and I think I need a couple shots of tequila to get through the day?  How about pounding my head off the desk, that sounds like a wonderful thing to do right now.

            I call Justin's manager Johnny and makes sure that he is aware of everything that is going on and will be going on with Justin. He gives me his schedule for the next couple months. It's almost blank compared to what his schedule normally looks like. He had some time blocked out in the recording studio but that was it. I guess if anything it will make me dealing with him the next couple months a little easier, as long as he doesn't do anything to draw attention to himself.

            Email after email I finally finish responding to everyone that is going to get a response from me. Just as I was shutting everything so I could get out of the office for the day I see one new in the inbox.

Em,

            Please stop and see me. I miss you. You can bring food, we could watch a movie? Anything. I'm going stir crazy in here, without you. I miss you."

            J

            Ahhh! Should I respond? Should I just mark it as unread and think about it tomorrow? I should respond... I have to at least respond. I would feel bad if he didn't get dinner because he was waiting on me and I don't show up.

Justin,

            I'm sorry, I have to work tonight and I don't have the time to stop. If you don't get dinner let me know I will make sure someone gets your food. Again I'm sorry.

Emily Clarkson

            I shut the computer down just as it was sent and I walk out of the office. A part of me was happy that I stood my ground but the other part of me wanted to fall to pieces. I needed to find something to occupy my time tonight and for the next couple days. Get myself back together.

            I approach the outside of my apartment door and I get really nervous because there are voices in my apartment. Lexie is the only other person that has a key card for this apartment. Please, please let it be Lexie. I swipe the card and open the door. The aroma of home cooked food is filled in my space. This never happens.

            There was Lexie in my kitchen cooking up a storm. I know I heard voices, who was the other voice. I hope she doesn't know about Justin. She wouldn't just bring him here.

"Lexie there is not canned milk, I have to run out and get some."Rob rounds the corner and I see him. "Oh hey Emily, how are you?"

"Hi, Rob, Hi Lexie? Did I miss the memo that I was having visitors tonight?"

Lexie turns and says, "I knew you would just say no, so I came anyways."

"You're lucky I don't have a life other than work."

"I thought that maybe you would be with this mystery guy. I guess I picked the right night to stop by."

"You don't have to worry about him anymore." I turn and drop my bag off on the couch.

"Did he get his memory back?"

"You can say that." I turned and walked into my bedroom. I wanted to get out of these clothes.

She finds me in the bedroom "Are you ok? I should have called first."

"This is ok, I promise. I have just been stressed lately with everything."

"What happened with John Doe?"

"He isn't John Doe anymore."

"That doesn't really answer my question."

"He has his memory back and everything that came with it. It's all over with now."

"Emily there is something you are forgetting to tell me."

"I'm not forgetting anything.... Come on let's go meet this boyfriend of yours."

"Cut the crap Em..."

"Lex, I just don't want to talk about it anymore today."

"I'm here for you if you need to talk. I am always here for you."

            If I would have divulged any details to her right now she would want to know more and more. I didn't have the strength or the will power to deal with it tonight. I honestly wanted to jump in my car and go to that hospital. But I knew deep down it wasn't the right choice to make.

"Emily..." Lexie yells from the kitchen "Justin Timberlake is calling." Crap

"I will call him back."

            She returns into the bedroom where I still am, sitting in the same spot. "Isn't this the guy that you have been trying tooth and nail to get a hold of? What is wrong with you?"

"Lex, please I don't want to talk about it."

"There is something you are not telling me and I don't like that."

"I'm sorry" I start to tear up and my voice begins to shake. "I just can't deal with it right now."

            She stands there with her notebook in hand writing everything down. "Is that it?"

"One more thing..." I release from work mode.

"What's that?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Everything. For always being there for me and for actually doing your job. Just know that you may never advance in this place because I wouldn't want to lose you."

She smiles and turns to walk out of my office. "You're very welcome. Thank you for the opportunity."

            I open my email to find four new emails from Justin.

Em, I miss you.

Em, I want to hear you voice. I want to see your smile. I want to see your ass in those William Rast jeans again. I miss you.

Em, please call me.

Em, I am being discharged from the hospital today. Please meet me at my house. I will text you the address. I know you are stubborn and guarded but at some point you are going to give me a shot and I will be here waiting for you.

            He doesn't even really know me. How can he be so arrogant as to think that he really missed me that he really knew how guarded I was. He had no idea. Even if it was possible that he cared about me or wanted anything more than we had, he just separated from someone he has been with for nearly four years. What does that say about him? Would he push me to the side just as quick as he did her?

            I can hear Tracey explaining to someone where to go to get in my office. She is showing this person now. A delivery man carrying a huge bouquet of flowers is now entering my office. "Emily, these are for you, and Lexie is here to see you." Double crap. With a look of panic running across my face she enters my office and shuts the door.

"I think you have some explaining to do. And I'm not leaving until you talk."

"What are you talking about, Lex?

"John Doe. Who is he really?"

"I don't want to talk about this."

"Well I just read a statement that I think you should maybe clarify."

"Lex I didn't use your name when I released that statement. I knew that would be much more press than it needed to be."

"I am not talking about me or Robert."

            I drop my head; I really don't want talk about this with her. It makes the whole situation real. I was one of those people I spin stories about. I screwed up this time and got involved with someone I shouldn't have. I may not have known what I was getting myself into but I knew better. I knew that it could end up kicking me in the ass in the end.

"Emily." She isn't going anywhere. I guess I need to explain.

"Justin Timberlake is John Doe."

"And now?"

"He is Justin Timberlake. He has his memory back..."

"And?"

"I don't know what you want to hear. He is my client. He is recovering well."

"I want to know why a guy, who releases a statement to the entire world that he misses you, is being pushed away."

"He is a client." I shrug my shoulders and look back at my computer screen, just hoping she will get the hint to stop.

"Bullshit." She throws her arms up in the air.

"There is nothing else going on. It's all over and done with. History. Memories."

"You're running again."

"I am not running."

"Yes you are. The moment you got even remotely close to Chad, you accepted the position here and never looked back. Not to mention moving a couple hours north of where he is now."

"I took this job because it's what I have always wanted. It had nothing to do with Chad."

"Ok, well it just happened to work perfectly with your plan."

"Lex. Please. I just need..."

"No, listen Em. I understand you lost your mother. I understand why you can't let that go. I lost my mother at a young age. But at some point you have to let someone in again."

"Why? Why should I let someone in and have my heart crushed and my world fall apart when they decide to leave or heaven forbid they get taken from me as well." I am crying at this point. "I can't handle losing someone else. I just can't do it. I can't bury someone else close to me. It's easier for me to just not have anyone to lose. All I have is you in this world and I am okay with that."

"What if you lost me?"

"I know you would never walk away from me. Even with the choices I make. You're my family."

"I love you Emily, I love you more than my own family but it hurts everyday seeing you so unhappy. I worry about you every single day."

"I'm really okay Lexie. I have moments when I am sad or depressed, but everyone has that."

"So tell me why it's so difficult to let this guy in?"

"This guy? This guy is Justin Timberlake, Mr. Sexyback? Not to mention he is probably my biggest client. I ... I..."

"Are those from him?"

"I don't know. I haven't gotten to read the card yet. Lilies are my favorite flower though. I don't know who would know that." I open the card and the tears continue to roll down my face.

"What does it say? Who are they from?" I hand her the card and she reads it out loud.

Emily

            I miss the warmth of your smile. I miss the sound of your laugh. I miss your scent. I miss everything about you. I will be here waiting every day until forever if I have to. Take a leap of faith on me. If it's the one time in your life that you do it, please make it with me.

                                                                                                                                    Justin

            I am literally pounding my head on the desk now. I know that I am a stubborn person. I know that I never let anyone in, especially not guys but a small, very small part of me wanted to take a chance with him. At the end of the day he was as client, and he was ‘Justin Timberlake' I know how he works. I know that he goes through woman every couple years because he can't settle down. I know more about that mans personal life than anyone should ever have to know.

            Being who I am today I know that he is going to hurt me, if it wasn't today it was going to be next month or next year. Is being happy for a year worth the pain in the end?

            Seven forty two in the morning. I'm sitting outside of an unfamiliar house. What am I doing? Turn around. This is crazy. I step one foot out of the vehicle. You can do this.

            I ring the door bell. Nothing. I knock once then decide he either isn't home or isn't answering the door. Maybe he was with someone new and didn't want to get out bed. Or maybe this is just my way out of this. I tried. I turn to leave and I hear the door behind me open.

"Emily?" In his wonderful sleepy voice.

"Hi." I almost felt a little shy. What the hell was this man doing to me.

He rubs his eyes and smiles, "Hi." With a moment of awkward silence he says, "Come in."

"Sorry about stopping so early. I had convinced myself this morning to come over here. I thought if I waited all day I would find twenty reasons why I shouldn't see you."

"I said I would be waiting, morning or night doesn't matter to me. Come sit. I will make you some coffee." We walk into the kitchen, he turns on the pot. It begins to drip coffee into the glass pot.

"You look good... I mean you look like your healing well. The bruises are almost completely gone. The swelling isn't even there anymore."

"Thanks. I had great people taking care of me."

I was quiet for a moment, "So, what is this?"

"This is me getting you a cup of coffee..." he hands me a mug full of hot coffee. "Do you need cream or sugar?"

"Just a little creamer. Thanks."

He stands in front of the refrigerator as if the longer he stands there it will change what is in there. "Do you want breakfast?"

"No." As much as my stomach was doing turns, I couldn't even think about food. I was glad he just got his coffee and sat down. I don't think I could have handled the smell of him making food.

"So miss stubborn, why am I being graced with your presence this morning. Business or pleasure?" The evil grin that appears on his face really makes me want to kiss his lips. Really kiss them.

"Not business, however obliviously we are still standing here just staring at each other so it isn't pleasure either."

He takes a step close to me. I can smell his scent now. "That can be arranged but one quick movement."

"Trust me as must as I would like for you to push be against that counter..." The vision is now running through my mind, calm yourself. "We have things to discuss first."

He steps back, "Ok, what's on your mind, other than naughty thoughts?"

"So what is this?"

 "Well, Em I really think we have a lot in common and I think that we both know that we have a connection. We just kinda clicked."

"Ok first. Em... That is what my mother used to call me so please could you not use that. You have to earn the respect to use Em."

"I'm sorry I didn't know that was so personal."

"It's okay, you didn't know. I won't bite your head off, it just makes me think of her when someone says it. And when I look at you I don't want to think about my mom."

"May I ask a question?"

My voice was weak. I don't think I have ever said these words out loud before "She died a little over a year ago."

He reaches for my hand, begins to caress the curve of my hand. "I'm so sorry."

"It's been a rough year. I'm still dealing with it every day. But I don't want to talk about that any more... so answer me some questions."

"Ok I have to admit I'm a little scared." Exactly how he should be.

 "Don't be scared, just answer truthfully. I guess you should know now if you lie to me, I will find out."

"I can handle that." He sits back in his chair, sipping his coffee.

"Why was Jessica in your room at the hospital? Talk to me as Emily and not your PR."

"She claimed she wanted to make sure I was okay however she didn't care that I was missing for six entire days and she said she thought there was something going on between the two of us after she stopped at your office. Which is untrue but she made accusations."

"I didn't know that you were you until the day after her office visit.  When I saw her at the hospital she said, I know what's going on with the two of you but basically that you were back together and that I should step aside."

"That makes sense now. She kept saying something about a woman close to me, but I had no clue what she was talking about. But I guess she got what she wanted out of the situation. Her pictures were plastered as the good girlfriend all over the world. Well that was until I busted her story with my statement the next day."

"I need to know right now if that is over."

"I haven't been in that relationship for so long. As sad as it sounds, we tried and tried for years. It just wasn't working. The only thing that ever worked in our relationship was the sex. I made my decision. I deserve to be happy, actually happy."

"And this... this thing..." I start to fumble my words, "with you and I, why?"

"You can't even say the words... I felt something with you that I never felt the entire time I was with Jessica. Never once, not even for a moment did I feel what I am feeling right now standing in front of you." Those blue eyes were going to be the end of me.

"I need someone that isn't going to leave me. If we were to attempt this thing... you can't run from me. I'm not good at letting people go. The only option we have is all in or all out. Black or white, no gray area."

"Done. I'm all in." He says with a smile on his face.

"Well, I guess I have to head into the office now." I get up and move very quickly to the door, reaching for the handle. I get the door open before I see his bicep over my shoulder shutting the door.

"I think I would consider that running. If I can't run, neither can you. We need to finish this conversation." Shit Shit Shit.

"Justin, I have to go to the office. I am already..." I look down at my watch, "Two hours late, shit I have been here for three hours?"

"I'm going to let you go right at this moment, but we are going to have dinner tonight. Here at seven. I owe you."

I nod and walk out the door. I hear him yell, "First date with my girlfriend. I have to make it special."

            I climb in my car and see him standing in the doorway waving like a creepy stalker freak. Seriously what did I just get myself into? I was his girlfriend? When did I agree to that? I don't remember agreeing to that at all. A smile creeps up on my face. As bad as this may end, I was happy that I had made the choice I did this morning.

            I walk into the office with almost a swagger. I had to get a lot of work done in just a few short hours. I had a date. I had a freaking date with Justin Timberlake.

            I send a quick email to Lexie and tell her that I needed her help with something tonight to meet me around five at my apartment.

"Hey Emily, you were late this morning, is everything ok?"

"Yes, everything was fine. I had to make a stop this morning and it took longer than I thought it would. I lost track of time."

"You seem a little happier today, any reason for that?"

"No, no reason."

"Sure, ok. I haven't ever seen that glow on you, ever."

"Things happen for a reason."

            The hours seemed to drag by. There was no major drama of the day, so I just had work that I had skipped on doing the last couple days to catch up on.

            If that stubborn superstar did anything for me, it was to really step back and look at my life. I wasn't happy. I had emptiness that needed filled.

            But could I really handle this? Could I date someone and be capable of loving them? Could I date a client? I can't date a client? Could I drop him as a client? No, I wouldn't want to hurt his career. I have to cancel this date.

Two hours and forty-five minutes from now, I will be on a date with Justin Timberlake. How did I let myself make this choice? I send a quick text to Lexie and asked her to meet me at the apartment, I needed her help. She never answered me so I assumed she didn't have her phone on her because she would never ignore a message like that.

            Only moments later I see her busting through my office door, breathing heavily. "I'm... here. What's up?"

I was very confused. "Why are you here?"

"You said you needed me, I'm here."

I walk over and shut the door to the office. "I asked you to meet me at the apartment. I don't want people in this office to know my personal life."

She laughs, "What personal life?"

My jaw drops, "Well then. I guess you don't get to know who I have a date with tonight."

"WHO??"

"Justin."

"Shut the fuck up? Seriously, a date? When did this happen?"

"This morning... however now I'm thinking I need to cancel the date now, I have a lot of work to get done... and ... he is a client."

She interrupts me before I say anything else. "I don't even know any of the details yet, but you are not cancelling a date with him. I will not allow you to. I will drag you to that man's house.... Give him a shot."

"I don't think you understand the ramifications this may cause for both our careers."

"Screw both of your careers for just a moment. He obviously isn't worried about it. Be happy."

"If for some reason this doesn't work, my clients now or even future clients could look at me as not professional and judge me on this. I have to worry about my career. I need to make money..."

"You won't have to work if you're Mrs. Timberlake."

I roll my eyes at her, "Lexie, please step out of whatever fantasy world you are in right now because I haven't even decided if I am going on this date yet, let alone marrying the guy. Hell he isn't even the marring kind."

"How do you know that?"

"Hello, last time I checked I was his Public Relations Agent. I know how that man works."

"You think you do. You don't really know him on a personal level. Give him a chance."

            Give another person a chance to hurt me. That's exactly what I want to do.

"Would cancelling now, two hours before the dinner be really rude?"

"Yes. Cancelling at all would be rude. Go have dinner with John Doe. Not Justin Timberlake. But let the guy that is John Doe shine though.

"What?" I shake my head as if I don't understand.

"Have dinner with the guy that you got to know after the accident, not the celebrity that you seem to think he is."

            I really did miss the guy that I got to know at the hospital, but he was Justin now, not John Doe. What if he was a different person now? He has been nothing but sweet to me, even after he got his memory back.

            When we arrived at the apartment, I jumped in the shower. I stood under the water pressure for a very long time, maybe a part of me trying to think of an excuse to get out of doing this tonight and a part of me that was excited to finally have a date, even if it doesn't work out. I shaved every crevice of my body and step out into the bedroom. It looks like California just had an earthquake, causing my closet to explode into my bedroom.

Lexie throws three more dresses down onto the bed, "What are you going to wear?"

"Lex, I think I am just going to wear jeans."

"Jeans?" She wrinkles her nose at me, "This is a date."

"Don't wrinkle you nose at me like that. I always wear dress clothes; I just want to be casual."

Her eyes get big, "William Rast. Of course, he will love jeans."

"This is about me, not him."

"Honey, it's always about them... If you want to get some tonight, wear the tight ones."

"Who said I was sleeping with him tonight?" Holy shit. I didn't even think about having sex with him. I bet that man is pretty damn good. He knows how to move those hips... I shake my head trying to not think of those thoughts.

"Your thinking about it right now aren't you? Thinking how great he is going to be? How big his penis is? How long he can last?"

"Lexie, shut up."

"All I have to say is, I want details... all the details."

"I love you Lex, but you can leave now."

She turns to leave, with a huge smile on her face. "Details..."

"Goodnight Lexie."

            I stand and look in the mirror. Jeans check. Heels check. Tank check. Jewelry check. Perfume check. What was I forgetting? Maybe it was my brain... my train of thought... my career? Was my tank too revealing? Should I put another tank over it? Was he a boob man or just an ass man? Was I underdressed? He said dinner at his house. I was second guessing everything involving tonight. I needed to get out of the house and simply get on the road because if not I would find something else to stress over.

            It was a beautiful clear warm night in Los Angeles. The sun was starting to set, it was beautiful scene. The neighborhood Justin lived in was not what I expected. There were kids riding bicycles and playing on the sidewalks. I guess I thought he lived on Bachelor Boulevard or something. Granted his house did sit back everyone else but the gated community was different than I thought it was going to be.

            I pull into the drive way and park next to a brand new Audi sitting in the driveway with thirty day tags. He must have gotten a new car already, like he needed another one. I had to admit he was a sleek new car. I would have to look into one when I finally kick this BMW to the curb. Wonder which dealer he goes through? I wonder what year it is. Did he get a special one or is this stock? I was trying to take my mind off of what I really had to do.

            Get out of the car stupid, you can do this. I shake off the nerves and knock on the door.

What felt like forever, I stand there and wait for him to answer the door. Maybe he changed his mind, maybe he didn't want to have dinner with me now. The door finally opens, and he is on the phone. He smiles really big and says, ‘Wow" he looks down to my feet and back up to my face. "Mom, I got to go now. Emily just got here. I will call you tomorrow... I love you to." He drops his phone in his pocket, reaches out to hug me. "You look... amazing."

"Thank you." I blush. "You don't look so bad yourself."

"Come in. Sorry my mom wouldn't get off the phone." He leads me into the kitchen which smells like heaven.

"Your mother knows we are having dinner?"

"My mom is like my best friend, she knows everything."

"Everything?"

"Ok, maybe not everything." He smiles at me, never once taking his eyes off of mine. "So, how was your day at work? I hope I wasn't a pain in the ass today for you."

"Actually I only had a couple issues regarding you today." I take a seat at the island and watch as he is checks on the food in the kitchen.

"Nothing major I take it, I didn't get a call from you."

"Justin, how often in the past have I called you about things?"

"Not many, I guess you know how to do your job."

"You are learning quickly. It was a rather slow day in the office, which was great for me. I was able to get out of the office at a reasonable time."

He sits down next from me, "Do you ever get out of the office before the sun goes down?"

"If the sun is going down, my clients are usually getting into trouble so it makes a long day for me."

"Are all your clients as well behaved as I am?'

I laugh, hysterically. "Most of my clients are better behaved than you."

He puts his palm over his heart, "Me? I am the innocent one."

"Yea sure... but at least you don't have a sex tape that I have to deal with... You don't have a sex tape with you and an ex or a random hookup I have to worry about right?"

"Not that I'm aware of. Don't take this the wrong way, I like porn and can do wonders but if I was with the person I care deeply about I don't want to share that with someone else."

"Good answer, Mr. Timberlake."

"You make that sound so dirty."

I drop my elbows to the counter, resting the palm of my hand on my chin. "Does that turn you on Mr. Timberlake?"

"More than I want it to at this very moment."

"Well than I am doing exactly what I should be doing." A smirk creeps up on my face then I wink at him. I was flirting with this man. I was flirting with Justin Timberlake.

"Stop that." He turns and checks the oven again.

"Ok then I will change the subject. When did you lose your virginity?"

He turns quickly to look at me to see if I was serious. "You're joking right?"

"Nope, I like to jump to the details."

"I am not answering that question right now."

"Why, are you still a virgin? Will I need to teach you a few things?" What the hell has gotten into me?

"You can teach me anything you want... as much as I would like to talk to about sex..." he is adjusting himself... "I ... want to feed you first."

"Oh, so you think there is going to be something else later?"

"A guy can dream."

"Dreams are good." I bounce my head back and forth, "Well since I can't talk to the virgin about sex... hmm..."

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure. How personal?"

"It's probably the most personal question anyone could ask you."

Well that made me a little nervous. "Ok. Let's hear it."

"How did you mother die?"

My face was blank, I didn't expect that. "It...I..."

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked." He seemed to be disappointed with himself.

"No, it's ok. I just have never spoken to anyone about her other than my best friend, Lexie, since she died."

"I understand if that is too personal right now."

I think he deserved to know. "She died in a car accident. We were both in the vehicle. I lived and she died." I felt the tears begin to fill up my eyes. He sits in the chair next to me, simply listening to every word. "I was supposed to be the one driving but I was tired and she said she would drive... We were on our way home from an event for the agency I worked for in San Diego... A drunk driver hit her side of the vehicle and it killed her on impact. I remember screaming her name but she never answered me... she was already gone..."

He whispers "I'm so sorry..."

"We were talking about everyone's dresses and how beautiful they were... which turned into what my wedding dress would look like one day... that was the last conversation I had with my mother. And knowing that she won't be there to see my dress the day I get married is hard to imagine."

"She will be there, watching over you. I know it's not the same but you have to believe she will be there, if anything just in your heart."

"Yea I know. It's just not the same."

I don't know if I could be as strong as you are... and deal with that every day. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for."

"Thank you." I look at him, dressed in slacks and a button down shirt with a vest over it. "I feel like I am underdressed."

"I'm actually overdressed. I didn't know what you were going to be wearing. I think I am going to run up and change."

"You don't have to change." I begin to look him up and down, "I actually like a well dressed man."

"Point noted but I would be more comfortable in a pair of jeans."

"Go ahead then, go change."

"I'll just be a minute."

            I sit down at the island in the kitchen thinking, he is totally naked upstairs right now. Stripped down to a pair of boxers... or boxer briefs, I wonder which one he actually wears. What am I doing? I am totally picturing him naked in my mind right now.

            I needed to relax; I needed to breathe for a moment. "Justin, where is your bathroom?"

"Top of the stairs, second door on the left." He yells from upstairs.

            I tip toe up the stairs. I had never been in his house before other than this morning. I felt almost weird about being here. I topped the stairs and there were only a handful of rooms on the top floor but they all seemed to be fairly big. The second door on the left was closed and the room on the right was fully lit. Did he say left or right? Shit, I think he said right. I round the corner and enter the door on the right.

"Oh my god. I'm sorry." There stood Justin in a pair of boxer briefs. I guess I got my answer. I turn quickly to walk out of the room.

"It's ok. Come here."

            I turn to see him pulling up his jeans, fastening the button then zipping up the zipper. I realize that I was just in his closet, which would be my dream closet but it wasn't his bedroom which I was extremely happy about.

"Wow... my dreams would all come true with this closet..." I spin around looking at everything.

"Oh, I thought for a moment it was about me."

"Sorry to burst your bubble Mr. Timberlake... The closet is my dream."

"Ouch, I have been outshined by a closet."

I take a couple steps forward, leaning into his face. My lips finally pressed against his. I feel his hands go from my waist to the back of my neck, finally cupping his hands over my neck with his thumbs rubbing the side of my face, his lips never loosing mine, allowing him to gain access to my mouth, his tongue slips past my lips. I suddenly feel my body being lifted and moved against the dresser, his tongue being a little more forceful now. I rub my hands down his abs and backup before resting my fingers in those wonderful curls. I wanted this feeling to last forever. My body was on a complete high. I can feel the warmth of his groin against me... "Only takes you a few seconds to get started... I am going to like that." He drops his head, ‘Mmm damn girl, don't say things like that." He looks deep into my eyes, then I see a panic shock come across his face. "Fuck, dinner..." he leans in and kisses me again, quickly this time, turns and runs down the stairs.

The butterflies in my stomach won't see to go away. Gaining composure I walk down the stairs back into the kitchen. He was slamming things down on the counter.

"I burned dinner." He shakes his head in disbelief.

"I'm sorry, it's my fault."

"I should have shut the oven off before I went upstairs to change." Stilled pissed off, shaking his head.

I step over to him, placing my body directly in front of his leaning against his chest. "It's fine. We can order some pizza or some Chinese and have it delivered, or we can go after it. It's not a big deal."

"I just wanted everything to be perfect." He looked so disappointed.

I step back, "Justin, nothing is ever perfect." I walk over to the fridge, "Do you have anything we can cook here?"

"I just went shopping today so there are a lot of things to choose from."

            After inspection of the contents in his refrigerator, I come up with something. I washed and prepared breadcrumb stuffed portabella mushrooms then placed them in the oven. Boiled water and threw in some bow tie pasta. Sliced and grilled chicken breast then added heavy cream, some garlic, parmesan cheese, butter, and some fresh parsley.

"You make that look so easy."

"I enjoy cooking. I just never have the time or someone to cook for."

"Well, you can cook me dinner every night... that smells so good."

"Where are the dishes?"

"Actually, I have the dining room set up for us. I will get the plates from in there." He leaves and returns with large square china.

"These are gorgeous."

"Thanks. Everyone else has said they didn't go well with everything else."

"They were all wrong. I love them"

            I place the food on the plates and he ushered me into the dining room. It was a grand dining room, I shouldn't have expected to see a table for six knowing how big the room was. There sat a table easily big enough for twenty people. But at the very end of the table was a place setting for two. Lilies are lined on the table with candles lit and the sound of music in the background.

"Wow... I wasn't expecting this."

"I aim to please."

"I bet you do..." I mutter under my breath. I am sure he heard me because the smirk that is on his face is giving it away.

            We sit for a couple moments simply eating, a moment in time that is shared between the two of us.

"This is really good... you are an amazing cook." He says as he is stuffing his face with more.

"Thanks but that is just simple pasta."

"I wish I could make simple pasta like that."

"I can teach you a few things."

He is quiet for just a moment, "So what is your schedule like the next couple weeks? I seem to have some time off."

How random of him to ask. "I don't have any time scheduled off. When I have clients like... you... I don't get time off."

"So what do you do when you have time off?"

"It's been so long, I don't have a clue." I don't remember the last time I had an entire day off to do nothing.

"I'm going to change that."

"Are you now? I can't just get time off like you can. Why do you ask?"

"I wanted to see if... you... would like to... go to Memphis with me for the Fourth of July?"

"What?" I had the serious shocked face and stiff posture.

"Emily, don't look at me like that."

"Memphis, with... your family?"

"Well, yes they live there. I want to spend the holiday there and I want you to come with me."

"You don't even really know me and you want to take me to meet your family?"

"Emily, I know that I am pushing things very fast but I just want to spend as much time as I can with you. If this is moving too fast for you I understand."

"Justin... it's just..."

He drops his head in disappointment. "It's ok. You don't have to go."

Those baby blues seem to have so much disappointment in them makes me feel bad. When did I become a sap? "Justin, I am not saying I don't want to go I'm just trying to tell you, that is my birthday."

"I didn't know. Memphis is a great place to spend your birthday in."

‘The fourth of July has always been a holiday I spent with Lexie, because we share a birthday. It's something we do together every year."

"I understand..."

"Justin, look at me." I push his chin back up in the air, "I will talk to Lexie and see what she has plans for."

"You would do that for me?"

"In some strange universe, yes. I am not sure why yet but I think I want to go. Only one problem..."

"What's that?"

"It will have to be a working vacation... there is no way I can get the entire time off."

"I can handle that as long as you enjoy your time there."

            I just agreed to fly to Memphis with him and spend a holiday and my birthday with his family. Wasn't this the first date? I know I have been out of the loop with dating but I was not interested in things going this fast.

            Justin loads the dishwasher and I walk out onto his back patio. The view overlooking downtown Los Angeles was unbelievable. I wish my view looked like this. I stood there in an almost daze. The scared part of me that I thought I was going to have to fight off tonight was nowhere to be found. I wanted that part of me to come out so bad, I wanted to run but I wasn't going anywhere. I was content being here in this moment.

He walks up behind me and wraps his arm around my waist. "I brought you a beer."

"Thank you. I saw those in the fridge earlier and was going to get one but I didn't want you to think I was a secret alcoholic or something."

"Well then I guess I should tell you now, I am a secret alcoholic. I always have beer in my fridge."

"I'm more of a whiskey drinker than a beer drinker..."

"A woman after my heart. I love it." We stand for a moment just looking at the downtown area. "I love this view."

"It's beautiful. I could see myself living here, looking down at the city all the time." Shit, did I just say I wanted to live here?

He whispers in my ear. "You can move in whenever you want."

I turn around pretty quickly. "That's not what I meant... I meant up here on this hill somewhere."

"It doesn't matter what you meant, it's how I took it." He turns to sit on one of the chairs.

"Of course, Mr. Timberlake is always right."

"Don't say that in a negative way."

            The sun was setting in the backdrop. The skyline was a gorgeous blue and purple. I hear a song I recognize on the radio which he has turned up now. "I have always loved this song." It was a classic Garth Brooks song, ‘The Dance' He stands and reaches for my hand, "Dance with me." I take his hand and we begin to sway back and forth. This man was beyond my wildest dreams. Why have I run from this feeling for so long? It was amazing being in his arms. He begins to sing softly into my ear, "Holding you I held everything... For a moment wasn't I the king... But if I'd only known how the king would fall... Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all..." he has no idea how much singing to me turned me on.

            A small innocent kiss on my neck has turned into that adrenaline rush of wanting even more of him. I told myself I wouldn't do this, but I couldn't control myself. I had to have more of him.  Kissing him made me want to do more. Within seconds we were in his bedroom, removing articles of clothes slowly but in a constant movement. He slowly lowers me on to the bed and climbs on top of me kissing every inch of my body. "You are absolutely gorgeous" He didn't need to say anything to make me want to do any more. I was already in his bed, I was already undressed. I was already ready to let him take advantage... or I was going to take advantage.

I wake to the sun shining in my eyes. Did I forget to drawn the blinds again last night? That is not the window in my apartment. That is not the color of my sheets. Where the hell am I?

I felt his arm get a tighter grip around me and his lips on my shoulder to kiss me lightly. The clock on the night stands said, 7:40am. Shit I was late. I slowly attempt to budge his grip off my stomach. He had his arms completely wrapped around my body. "Stay in bed with me."

"Justin, I have to get into the office. I am already late."

He let go of his grip and let out a gasp of frustration as I climb out of bed, trying to find my clothes. "Call in sick."

"And tell them what?"

He pulls me back onto the bed. "Tell them the truth... Your client needed some personal attention last night and you must have pulled something because you can't seem to walk.

I snicker, "Oh you think you're that good Mr. Timberlake?"

"I'm sure your legs are still wobbly this morning. I had them in the air for quite some time last night or this morning, whenever it was."

I hate to admit this, but he was right. I stand and my balance is kind of unsteady. I walk into his bathroom; stare at myself in the mirror. I had seriously slept with him on the first date. I'm such a whore. It was worth it though. That man amazed me more and more.

Take a leap or Take a step back.

I pick up my phone and call the office; I had to let them know I was going to be a little late.

"Good morning, Emily Clarkson's office."

"Hey Tracey, It's Emily."

"Oh hey, Em, what's up?"

"I just wanted to let you know I won't be in the office today." I paused for a moment, did I just say that?  Out loud? "...If something major comes up just call me. I will work from home this afternoon if I need to." I just called off work for this man, why would I do that?

"Have a great day. Enjoy a day off, you deserve it."

Wow, she didn't ask any questions. Does she know that I am with Justin? Does she know that I slept with him? There's no way she could know.

            I step out of the bathroom and see him spread eagle across the bed. "You better make room for me in that bed."

            His head pops up quickly, "There is a lot of room in this bed. But don't come back in this bed if you are just going to leave right after."

"Well aren't we a little demanding now." I crawled up the bed and climbed on top of him.

"I like a woman on top."

"No you don't... don't even go there. You like to have the control." I grab a hold of his arms and pin him down.

"Ok, you may be right with that one but I enjoy an aggressive woman that demands to be one top." He kisses me and then says, "I thought we were going back to bed."

"I did not just call in sick to work to sleep all day."

"What did you have in my mind Ms. Clarkson?

"Well, Mr. Timberlake. I was thinking that maybe you could make me lose the feeling in my legs again."

He suddenly flips me on the bed and jumps on top of me. "Mission Accepted."

            Falling asleep in his arms was the best thing that I had felt, minus the amazing orgasms he gave me, in months. I never thought I needed the warmth and comfort of someone else before. I know that this thing that we are in right now maybe not work out however it was what I needed right now. Take each day as it comes.

            I wake hours later and he was gone from the bed. I got up and walked into the bathroom thinking, I wish I had thrown my toothbrush in my purse, just in case. But that would have made me think I expected something else to happen, that I would have spent the night with him. I started opening cabinets, looking for mouthwash... something to take this gross taste out of my mouth. Suddenly I see Justin standing over me and I feel like I have just invaded space that I shouldn't have been in.

"Looking for something?"

"Mouthwash." I said shyly.

He flips open his hand, "Will this work better?" In his hand was a brand new toothbrush.

"Thank you... but... should I be worried that you carry spare toothbrushes for your random hookups?"

First of all, you are not a random hookup." He is pointing the toothbrush at me as if he was trying to make a point. "Second, I don't do random hookups as much as you think I do. Third, I just bought that at the store for you."

"You went to the store?" I cocked my head sideways, a little confused.

"Yes, I picked up some things and figured you didn't have one and would want one. Trust me it felt weird buying a pink toothbrush. The girl at the counter gave me a funny look, but that could have been because of who I said I was buying it for."

"Oh no, please tell me you didn't" I cover my face with my hands.

"Oh, I did. You will get a call later verifying a report..." he started laughing.

I was shocked and a little scared. "What did you say?"

"I said it was for my wife. She makes do all her routine shopping and that I was surprised it was just for a toothbrush and not her tampons again..."

I breathe a sigh of relief. "Thank god that's all you said... Wait you said your wife?"

"What did you think I said?"

"I was just hoping you didn't use my name, that's all."

"Oh I see how it is, I get the embarrassment of buying a pink toothbrush but you don't want you name attached to mine. I see how it is." He turns and walks out of the room.

"Are you five years old and need to throw a tantrum, Mr. Timberlake?"

"Maybe."

            Was he seriously upset over my comment? I didn't mean it in a way to hurt him. I was being sarcastic, serious but sarcastic. Would I always worry about being with him? Would there always be second guessing on what we could do? Could we ever be in public together? More reasons this whole thing won't work out. Did I want to keep my relationship with him quiet, yes I did but it wasn't because I was ashamed of him or anything. I simply didn't want to hurt his career or my own before we knew where this was going.

            I brushed my teeth and laid the tooth brush next to his, that freaked me out a little bit. I walk down the stairs and he was nowhere to be found. I walked out back to find him sitting on one of the patio chairs near the pool. He was seriously upset over this. I walked slowly over to him. I had made the decision I was going to go into the office. I had work to do and sitting around all day wasn't helping it get done.

He looks up at me with the most serious face, "Will I ever be able to walk into a restaurant with you without you freaking out that someone saw us? Will I ever be able to call you my girlfriend in public?"

"I need to figure out how to get this to be ok and not hurt your career..."

"Screw that. Talk to me as your boyfriend not as your client."

"I think you are forgetting that you are both. It's hard to have one without the other. I know that you are a client and I know that you are my boyfriend but..." Whoa, I just said that out loud. "I have to be in work mode all the time. And this... this relationship could be bad for your career."

 "I know that my job creates more craziness that I would want but I want a relationship with you, a real ‘I love you' kind of relationship. You said it was all in or all out. I was all in. I think that's a decision you need to make now."

Was he serious? I had chanced everything with him. I'm trying with everything I have for him. Everything I could have for the last twenty four hours. We have only really known each other for a little while. We should be nowhere near an ‘I love you' kind of relationship.

I throw my hands up in the arm with frustration, "I thought I was all in this relationship. However I didn't realize that we were that far into it yet."

He is frustrated. "You're scared of someone actually caring about you. You're scared that this could actually be something you can't run from." He kept looking in the opposite direction.

"Justin, seriously look at me" he couldn't even look at me.

"I know you think this is all happening too fast and it may be... I know that but I can't be in another relationship where my feelings and my wants are not addressed."

"This... this thing you're doing right now is going to make me run. I want to be in this relationship. I don't know how else to tell you this. But I can't make up for anything anyone else has screwed up for in the past. I will barely be able to make up for my own screw ups. You can't put that pressure on me."

"I need someone that is there for me and just not there for themselves." He looks up at me with the pain in his eyes.

"Justin I will not use you. I know that is what you're leaning towards. I would never do something like that. I just don't want the world to know my personal relationship status until we know our relationship status. We can go to dinner every night if you want. I don't care about being seen in public, I just want to be refraining from putting a public statement out there saying ‘Hey this is my boyfriend...' then month later I'm the girl with the broken heart. So please if I squash the story for a couple months don't take it personally. You of all people should know this by now. This is how it works."

"I understand, I really do... I'm sorry." He hangs his head.

"Man, how can we go from bliss to complete frustration within minute's timeframe?"

"Welcome to my world."

            He continues to sits in that chair, maybe thinking some things through, maybe just doesn't know what to say. I know that I'm pretty stubborn but I think this was an issue on his end that he was trying to deal with. At the end of the day it had nothing to do with me. It was something he needed to work out for himself.

I get up and start to walk away from him. "I think I am going to go into the office for a couple hours. Give you some time to yourself."

"No." he says quickly. "Please don't go. Come with me somewhere." He takes my hand into his.

"Okay... where?"

"I can't tell you. I have to show you." His eyes light up.

            We get in the car and drive north. I had no idea where he was taking me. For all I knew he was taking me to leave me somewhere. We were about an hour outside of the city and I get a phone call from the office. Shit I hope there wasn't something important happening because I am not near a computer to help with anything that's needed.

"Emily Clarkson."

"Hey Em, its Tracey. I have a slight problem."

Shit. "What's wrong?"

"I just got a lead from the editor over at People Magazine. They have an exclusive interview with someone that works at Whole Foods claiming Justin Timberlake got married in the last couple days and they are running with the story. They also have photos of Justin getting gas in his car about an hour ago with a mystery brunette in the car... Please tell me there is no truth to this story and I can just crush it right now."

"Well I don't know, let me ask him." He looks over at me, cocking his head sideways and smiles.

"You are with him right now? Shut the fuck up!" I hear her say as I turn to Justin.

"Justin, did you get married and not tell me?" I ask.

He just chuckles... "I told you this morning you would get that phone call sometime today."

"Tracey, there is no truth to the story. He was making a point this morning with me, just squash it."

"And the brunette?" She questions.

"It's me... Squash it as well, please."

"I'm going to have to squash a lot of reports of the two of you for a while..."

"You know the drill, just state that we don't comment on his personal life and that if he was married there would be a marriage certificate."

"I knew you cared about him. Yay! I'm so happy for you!"

"I got to go now. Call me if you need anything else."

"Oh no, I will handle everything else I won't bother you again." The joy in her voice was funny to hear. She seemed almost happier than I was with my new situation.

            We pull into a gated area. I had no idea where I was, I had never been this far north. He gave his name to the Security and they opened the gate for him. This neighborhood was very quiet. There was no one on the streets and there were barely any houses. Very different from where he lived in L.A.

"Where are we?"

"Patience Emily, Patience."

            It's ok for him to say that, he wasn't the one that had no clue where they were and with someone who could very well be a mass murderer or something. We pull into a garage that has a view of the ocean through it. I had never seen an ocean view from the inside of a garage.

He gets out of the car and comes around to my side of the car. "Come with me." He reaches for my hand. "This is my beach house. There are only a handful of people that know I even own this house."

"This relationship may work out after all. I love the ocean."

"I always wanted a house right on the ocean but I could never find one that was secluded, until I found... this one." He leads me through the house, heading straight for the back deck.

            I look up to see a plaque that sits about the doorway leading to the deck, "Patience". So that's why kept saying patience. That must be what he calls this place. The view was breathtaking. There were four houses that sat along this stretch of the beach, about an acre away from each other. He really had the beach all to himself.

"I come here to think and get away. Anytime I have disappeared from the world, I always ended up here." He seems calm and content here. "I wrote my entire new album sitting right here for a month."

"Ohh, my first couple weeks on the job, I couldn't find you... you were here."

"Yes. I told my mother not to worry but she knew where to find me if there was something was wrong. I shut off my phone and hid from the world."

"I know you secret hiding place now." He was showing me a piece of him. This was good.

He snickers as if he got away with something. "Jessica didn't even know I had this house."

"How did she not know about a house you own?"

"When I wanted to get away from her, I couldn't go somewhere she knew about. She would find me."

"Wow, it was that bad of a relationship?"

"I'm not proud of the actions and the misleading I did with her, but she wouldn't accept the idea that I had moved on. I ended it so many times."

"I don't like secrets. Don't keep something like this from me." I give him the stern look, "If for some reason you are not happy, you have to tell me. No matter what it is."

"I would tell you anything you wanted to know."

            Truth and honesty is going to be our biggest failure in this relationship. He is used to hiding things. He has had to for his entire life but I wasn't okay with that. Maybe it was my nature but I had to be in the know of things. I was used to being informed of all the details.

We spent the rest of the day lounging at the ocean. I can't remember the last time I didn't have my blackberry in my hand, ready to handle the next issue that came up.

            The office seemed to have a thick cloud of frustration today. Everything that is said is pissing everyone else off. I was in the minority in the office I guess, I was having a great morning. I had to sneak out of his house this morning so I could get into the office but other than that I was happy. I knew it was going to be a long day, given the fact I took the entire day before off. I had a ton of marketing work to get done for Jive and I had a thousand emails to respond to. I was in for the long haul.

            It was no surprise when I got the first call from Justin in the morning. He was upset that I left without saying goodbye, but I knew he didn't want me to leave. He has said twenty times last night that he wanted me to run away with him. Seclude ourselves away from the world. But he knew I wasn't going to give up my job nor was he going to give up his. We had worked my butt of for our jobs... maybe in a few years when I was worn out with it, I would rethink my decision.

            I had four emails from Lexie, asking how everything went. Each email she gets a little more aggressive. I didn't even have a chance to finish an email back, she was calling my cell phone.

"Hello Lexie." I answered the phone.

"Emily Marie... you were supposed to call me."

"I was emailing you back right now. This is the first free minute I have had."

"I called Tracey yesterday, she told me you weren't in the office. Since when do you take days off?" She seemed irritated more than worried.

"Lexie, calm down. I took the day off in the office. I did some work from where I was."

"And where exactly was that? Because I went to your apartment, you were not there."

"I was with Justin."  I immediately get up and shut the door to my office.

"The whole night and the next day?" she seems relieved now. "Damn he must be that good you needed a day to recover."

"Actually yes," without stopping I went directly into another sentence. "And we ended up spending the day lounging around. It was nice to not worry about anything for a little bit of time."

"Wait... back up. How was the sex?"

"Lexie, seriously were not teenagers."

"We not teenagers which means we know what good sex is now..."

Knowing she would pry until she got the answers she wanted I divulged the details, "He is a genius. He knows exactly what to do and when to do it."

"Shut the fuck up, you actually slept with him."

I roll my eyes, "Yes."

She was quite.

"Lexie..."

"I just didn't expect you to actually sleep with him." She was genuinely surprised.

"Don't seem so shocked."

"I'm not... I just... I am glad to know that you are ok again."

"What's that supposed to mean."

"You just seemed so detached from life, I'm glad to see you getting out there again."

"It feels good to be out there, even if it is a small step."

"So, is he your boyfriend?"

"I think so, yes." My face turns red, I was slightly embarrassed. I was glad she couldn't see it.

"Woohhooo!!!" I could just seeing her bouncing around the room.

"Lexie, please shut up."

"Ok I will but yay! I am so happy for you."

"Enough. I have to get off the phone I have a ton of work to do."

            My inbox never seems to be empty. Justin and his snide comments about his wife have really filled my inbox. I think I typed "No Comment" nearly a hundred times over this topic. Note to self: hurt him for this. I knew that he was just being sarcastic and being funny but he knew he couldn't make comments like that.

            The afternoon staff meeting was a great place to be on a day like today. Everyone had opinions on everything. My mind was no where it needed to be. I was happy to get out of the office when I did, even if it was a little after eight. I was ready to hit the bed.

            I kicked off my shoes and removed my blazer. It was another hot day. I turned the air down to sixty five and changed into a tank top and shorts. I had to find something to eat and maybe catch some reruns of Grey's Anatomy, maybe even head to bed early tonight. Forty minutes into one of the classic reruns I decide to see if there was anything in the apartment to eat. Nothing, of course not. I guess if I was here more than four hours a day I would have something here to eat. The freezer has a bottle of 901 Tequila, a bottle of Vodka, and some ice. I guess I could have a liquid dinner. Pizza, that's what I want. I would call for a pizza.

            I picked up the phone to call for the pizza when I see that I missed a call from Justin. I look down at my watch, from an hour ago. I was not used to coming home to someone, or having to inform someone of what I was going to do. I had forgotten to call him and see if he wanted to eat or watch reruns with me. I would call him back and apologize for my stupidity.

            When the doorbell rang fifteen minutes later, my first thought was damn that was fast.  I open the door to find not a delivery guy but Chad, standing in the flesh at my front door.

"Chad, what are you doing here? How did you know where I lived?"

He reaches out to embrace me. "I have my ways. Damn you look good" He stares me up and down. "You always had great legs."

I shove him away. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to see you. I was in L.A for a job and I thought it would be nice to see you... I see you are still living alone."

"I like it that way. I have always liked my space." I was still shocked that he was here, in my apartment.

"As much as I would like to catch up, I was just heading to bed."

"Oh, I can join you there. That has always been something we could agree on."

"NO. I think you should leave." I make the space even greater between us.

"You haven't changed have you? At some point Emily you have to let go of your mother's death. It can't dictate how you live the rest of your life. You need to get over this."

My face has changed from upset to irate. "My mother's death with always be a part of my life and a part of who I am... Get the fuck out of my apartment." I open my door to see Justin standing on the other side. "Justin."

"Who is this fool?" Chad asks as Justin lowers his head and turns to walk away.

"Justin, please don't go." I run down the hallway after him. "Justin, please."

He turns to look at me with tears in his eyes. "Is this why you can't let me in? Is he the reason you are so closed off? Is it because someone already holds your heart?"

"Justin. He isn't anyone to me. He has been out of my life for so long. He just stopped because he was in town... then he said some things that upset me and I demanded that he leave."

He turns quickly, "What did he say to upset you?"

"Nothing."

"Obviously it is something big or you would have asked him to leave."

I start to talk as the tears stream down my face. "He said things about my mother's death. It just hit a nerve."

His face has immediately turned to anger. "He did what?" He walks back to my apartment in a fast movement. Reaching the door all I see is Justin pinning Chad against the wall at his shoulders, screaming into his face. "...Don't you ever speak to her about her mother... Get the fuck out of here." Justin lets go of him as I see his body slight slouch from exhaustion.

Chad stands, turns to me as he is leaving., "So this is why you wouldn't let me touch you. He is the reason we don't talk anymore."

‘Chad I am happy with him. I am finally happy again... and I don't talk to you anymore because you are an ass with no compassion."

            I leave the room and get to my bedroom. I begin to sob when Justin comes in to find me. He lies on the bed next to me, rubbing my back, trying to keep me from falling to pieces.

            The doorbell rings again. I don't move. Justin gets up and answers the door, mumbling something about hurting him if he steps foot back in this apartment.

"Babe, did you order a pizza." He asks.

"Yes, can you pay for it and I will give you the money."

He leaves and returns with a pizza in hand.

"Come on, you have to eat something." He opens the box and the wave of pizza scent fills the room.

"I'm not hungry anymore. I just want to go to bed."

"Emily... get up. You are going to eat. That fool isn't worth anything... you are not going to do this because of him."

"I'm sorry... It just hurts."

"Don't be sorry over something he said. He was in the wrong. Your mother is always going to be a part of who you are. Whatever he has said... he just doesn't matter."

            I snuggled up next to him and shared my pizza with him. He willingly watches reruns of Grey's with me. It's doubtful he will ever surprise me again with a visit.

Mondays, never seem to be a good day for me. Today would be no different.

Nicole walks into my office and slams down a stack of photos onto my desk. "Care to explain these". I look up at her thinking; I don't have to explain anything to you. I flip through them quickly. Shit. They were pictures of Justin and me from the last week. Dinner. Movies. Shopping. Shit. There were so many pictures. Hundreds. This wasn't a good sign, considering I was going to Memphis with Justin this weekend, it would only add fuel to the fire.

"Is there something I can help you with, Nicole?" I asked as I continue working on some emails.

"Yea, sure... you can explain to me why you are dating my client's boyfriend."

I look up at her, "Your client's ex-boyfriend... and the friendship Justin and I have is none of your business. He is after all my client. Let me worry about his issues."

"You are dating a client..." She throws her arms up in the air. "Don't you see what is wrong with this picture."

"Nicole, I never said I was dating a client. If I was it would still be none of your business."

"Whatever, when Kevin gets this information he is not going to be happy. You might want to have your resignation ready."

"Take the information you have to Kevin, I don't give a fuck. If you want to keep running your mouth, I believe extortion is a felony."

"What happened to the professional that used to be here, the one that never missed a day? The one that would never even think about dating a client let alone the biggest client on the roster of this company."

"Nicole, I'm serious this is none of your business. If I wanted to make it public knowledge I would have..."

"We will see about this." She walked out of my office, slamming the door behind her.

Tracey immediately walks into my office and asks if everything was ok. I told her to call Mr. Daniels office and inform them I was on my way to see him.

I walk the long hallway to his office thinking, if I have to... if I have to I will sign a resignation. Julie, Kevin's assistant tells me I can enter his office now. Breathe. I was the best PR agent here, I wouldn't be in the position I'm in if I wasn't the best. Kevin Daniels has been in this business nearly his entire life. He has been running Shinetime for ten years. He knew what he is doing in this business.

"Ms. Clarkson. This has to be important because you never come to see me. What can I do for you today?"

I shut the door behind me and take a seat in front of his desk. "Well Mr. Daniels..."

"Kevin." He corrected as he continues to stare at the computer screen.

"Kevin, I just had one of my agents try and black mail me with some photos."

I have his attention now. "What were they involving?"

"Myself... and a client."

"Were they incriminating?"
"I wouldn't say that. Not from the ones I had seen."

"Ok, start from the beginning." He slouches down in his chair.

"You don't have the time..." I laugh to myself. "I have been seeing Justin Timberlake. Not as a client, as my boyfriend."

He has no facial response.

"I never anticipated on this happening, however when I met him I didn't know he was my client, I knew him as John Doe. I'm not making excuses for myself. Coming to the decision of dating him was a long and drawn-out process for me. But at the end of the day he made me happy and if that means I have to leave this company, I will." I was confident and strong.

He interrupts me in a low tone, "You were the one at the hospital with him after the accident."

Whoa, he knew I was there? "How did you know someone was there?" I asked.

"I found out afterwards. One of the nurses told me the sweetest story about a stranger that would make him feel like someone in the world cared no matter who he was..."

"He needed someone to be there. He was in pieces..."

"Emily, you have nothing to worry about. There's a reason you are the Vice-President of this company and Nicole is not. She wasn't happy with the idea that I hired someone from outside to replace Sam but it was my decision to make. I believe I made the right choice. She thought she deserved that position. However actions like this make me question if she should even be in this agency."

"I will address all my agents about of my relationship with Justin. But you should know now that I don't comment on my personal life here at work. I have always been a private person and it will remain that way."

"I would put money on the fact that it's who you are dating and not that you are dating a client."

"What do you mean?" I was very confused now. What did Justin have to do with it?

"Nicole has had this thing for Justin for a very long time. She has done some crazy things in the five years she has been here to make sure she was at his table at functions... she would stay after hours when she knew he would be in the building... she wanted Sam's job because he was one of his clients..."

"Wow... I didn't know that. It makes more sense now."

"Emily, if he makes you happy that's all that matters. When or if this becomes an issue, you can address it publicly but Justin has always been a stickler for not commenting on his private life. Don't listen to anyone else. Now do I need to have a conversation with Nicole?"

"No, I will handle it. I will call a meeting this afternoon."

            I left that office thinking, holy shit. I almost gave up everything for him. Sitting in my office, I really let everything that happened run through my head. I send Justin a text message.

            I almost turned in a resignation today for you. You owe me!

            Thirty seconds later I get a response

What??????

            I will explain later, but someone tried to blackmail me today with photos.

            Dinner @ 7 U can explain then.

            I wanted so badly to walk into her office and throw a termination letter onto her desk or make a snide comment about him in some way but I wanted to be the bigger person. I knew I was the one that would be going home with him at the end of the night so what would it matter to stoop to her level. Instead I go into my office and decide what I'm going to say to everyone without giving to many decisions away.

            "I called this meeting this afternoon because it has come to my attention that an employee seems to think that who I date outside of this building is any of their business. First of all, it's not. Secondly I went to Kevin Daniels today and he agrees that there is no issue."

Nicole's face is un-expressional. She was not expecting me to put everything out on the table. Who knows maybe it was her plan all along? "For any of you that care to know, I have been dating a client for a little while. Our relationship has no impact nor will have an impact on our working relationship. If there is anyone that seems to have a problem with this they should come see me personally because after all this is a private matter. The only person that makes public statements or comments about my clients, is me. Going to the press with photos or information that could hurt a clients reputation is liable to be fired.  Any questions?"

            The entire room just stares at me. I don't know if they are scared to ask questions or if they just don't care. "One more thing, then you all can go... I will be on vacation this weekend. I leave the office Wednesday and at that point, Tracey is responsible for all my clients. She is more than capable of handling any situation that comes up." Tracey looks shocked. "Tracey if there is anything you need help with, don't hesitate to call me or I'm sure Nicole will be more than willing to help you out."

            My apartment has never looked so clean in my entire life. I took advice from Justin and hired someone to come in and clean it from top to bottom. I feel like it's a home again. I don't spend every night here anymore but it's nice to come home to a clean apartment when I do make it here.

            My bedroom and closet area is a whole other story. I have to pack for the weekend. With Justin. In Memphis. What a wise choice I made. I really didn't want to meet his entire family just yet. This was a huge step that I didn't even know if I was ready for, but I did almost give up my career for him. That has to mean something.

            I hear a female voice coming from the living room, "Emily... where are you?"

"In the closet..."

            Lexie walks into the room and sits down on the bed, just watching what I am doing. She looks like she has something to say but just continues to sit there watching me pack the clothes.

"Is there something wrong Lex?"

"No."

"You're lying to me." I sit on the bed next to her. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

"I can't believe you are going to be in Memphis this weekend. Do you realize this is the first birthday we will spend apart in over twenty years?"

"Lex, I asked you if this was ok... I would have never agreed to go if you didn't want me to go."

"I don't want you to go but I know that you should."

"I can stay here... Justin will understand."

"No, Em I want you to go spend the weekend with your amazing boyfriend. I just don't like the change that's all. Really I want you to go and have an amazing time. Rob will be here. It's not like we can go clubbing. I can't even drink"

I get up and grab a couple more shirts. "I didn't even think about that. So our plans would have changed this year anyways. I can't even believe I made this choice to go. Don't you think we are moving at warp speed?"

"I think that things have happened fast with the both of you however your situation was different. You really got to know each other without the outside world involved. I think that it's a rarity and it's something you can't ignore. Love doesn't have boundaries or time lines, it does what it wants."

"I have a question for you Lex." I step out of the closet and look at her. "Did you tell Chad where I lived?"

Her face drops, "Yes. Did he come see you?"

"Yes he did... Lex there is a lot you don't know about that relationship. There was a lot that I hid from you because he was your brother's best friend. There were things that I was ashamed of that you didn't know, but I would be happy if I never saw him again in my life."

"Emily, what happened, tell me." She almost demanded me to tell her.

"When he came here he said that I needed to get over my mother's death... "

She interrupted me. "No, what happened that you didn't tell me about."

"He is not the person he appears to be on the outside. He was an abusive person. Never once did I do anything right. I was grieving my mother's death and he wanted to talk about why I didn't want to have sex with him."

"Abusive? He hit you?"

I drop my head in shame. "Yes. That's when I left. He had threatened me so many times but the one and only time he hit me I was gone. You think the reason I moved to L.A so fast was because I wanted to get away and you were right but for the wrong reasons."

"Oh my god Em, I didn't know. I would have been more supportive. I really thought you just wanted to run from anyone that was close to you."

"The last thing I wanted was to be alone...but I wasn't going to be with him and put up with his issues."  I contain my feelings back and change the subject. "That's the past. We are both looking forward to the future."

"I'm really sorry Em... really I am."

"It's fine... now have you thought about what you are going to do for your birthday?"

"For the first time it's going to be my birthday and not ours, I guess I should make it special"

"That is going to be something new for us."

            As I pack clothes for my weekend trip I get more nervous just thinking about meeting his entire family. Should I pack just casual clothes? Formal Clothes? Jeans? Do I pack heels or just flip flops? This trip seems to be more stress than I need it to be. Some vacation.

My phone buzzes on the side table, Lexie picks it up.

"It's a message from Justin."

"Read it."

She clears for voice and deepens her voice as she pretends to imitate him. "I can see you right now stressing over what you should bring. First calm down. Second, everything is pretty casual there. Maybe bring a dress for dinner one night, dot dot dot remember to breathe."

"How does he know things like that? It kind of creeps me out."

"He knows you... he knows you are worrying about this whole trip."

"I just hope I can enjoy it."

"Just relax about it. After all they could be your in-laws someday." She says in a snide way as she walks out of the apartment... "I gotta go, dinner plans with Rob."

"Lexie-don't say something like that and walk away from me."

            I needed to relax, I needed to breathe... I just couldn't. I was nervous about this entire trip. I was glad that Justin was normally safe with going to Memphis and the paparazzi not follow him. He goes there for most holidays and pictures rarely surface of him actually in town, at the airport maybe but not with his family.

            Beep beep beep.... The alarm went off four times before we actually got out of bed today. I should have left the event last night when I was going to but I ended up staying till after two in the morning. It was the first event that I had Justin with me as my guest. I have been to many events with him but he was the client. I didn't want the night to end. But now as I look at the clock and realize that we have about two hours to get out of bed and get to the airport for our flight, I start to panic. What if we missed our flight? How great would I look to his family if we can't even get out of bed on time to make our flight?

I go into the bathroom and start the shower. He still hasn't got up. "Justin, get up! We are late." I yell.

He makes a sleepy moan... "Come back to bed."

"Justin our flight leaves in two hours. Get your booty up."

"We can change our flight. Fly out this afternoon."

"Justin Randall, if you don't get your ass out of bed right now I am going to cut..."

He opens the shower door and steps in, "You're going to do what? Cut me off? I don't believe you."

"Test me Mr. Timberlake... test me."

            The bags were packed before the event last night. I knew I wouldn't want to pack in the morning. And a part of me knew he wouldn't be packed and ready to go. The car is outside waiting for us and I still don't have any clothes on. I can feel it now; this trip is going to be a disaster.

            I'm standing in his closet, fidgeting with clothes when I look up and see something that infuriates me. "JUSTIN!!" I scream.

He rushes into the closet still naked as well. "What? What happened?"

"What is this?" I put to my ribcage area, a large purplish hickey on the top of my ribcage. "Oh my, how am I going to be able to wear a bathing suit now?"

"I'm sorry, I guess we got a little too heated last night."

"A little? I'm going to meet your grandparents with a hickey." I lower my head in shame.

"Honey, they have known for many years that I'm having sex. It's not a big deal."

"Hickey's are trashy."

"It's fine. You can't even see it."

"You will be able to see it very clearly in a bathing suit. I knew I should have packed the tankini. It would have been more respectful anyways."

"Emily. It's fine. Trust me. They will probably think it's just a bruise."

"A bruise from rough sex?" I said sarcastically.

"Which would you prefer?"

"I guess it doesn't matter now."

Finally we made it to the airport, we have about an hour to get through security and board our plane. As the town car drops us off, I see photographers lined at the entrance just waiting.

"You go first. I will follow the pack."

"Emily, I am not leaving you in this crowd. If they get a photo, they get a photo. I'm not worried about it."

"I could play the PR agent card." I really could.

"You could just be the girlfriend. You're not my agent this weekend, remember?"

"Shit I did agree to that... let's go."

            He grabs my hand and begins to drag me through throbs of people taking photos and videos.  I lower my head trying to avoid any questions they are randomly throwing out. We would take two steps forward and have to stop because they wouldn't move. Minute by minute we are getting closer to missing our plane.

"...Who is the new girlfriend Justin? You sure seem to move on fast. Was Jessica even moved out before the new one moved in? Has the accident not taught you anything? Where are you heading? ..."

            Security is eventually called because we couldn't even stand at the ticket counter. The other passengers were not happy with the mess we were causing. I was slightly embarrassed at the idea of all these people staring at me. There was no way we could get out of this as a working friendship. I knew the moment he place his hand into mine it was suspicious, but when he proceeds to kiss my forehead at the ticket counter, it was all over. It was a sweet gesture that I never thought about, I let him do it. But after he did... it hit me. There was nothing I could do about it now. Once we gave them that unofficial clarification the flashes were non-stop. They knew at that moment that we were not ‘just friends'.

We were escorted through the airport and onto the plane. I was so embarrassed and Justin was just pissed off. His face is a shade of red and the vines in his neck are starting to show. "I swear it's not normally this bad. I must have been the only person to come through the airport today and they needed some pictures to meet their quota."

"I need to call Tracey."

He drops my hand, and continues walking in front of me, saying nothing. It was beginning to be a slight problem with him just walking away from me.

"Justin. . . Justin." I hissed as he continued to walk onto the plane.

We sit down in our seats and he looks at me with pain in his eyes. "You promised to not be my agent this weekend. You promised to just be my girlfriend." disappointed was all in his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I just feel bad that I left this mess for Tracey..." I had mix feelings on what I should do. "I won't call her. If it becomes too much for her, she will call."

"I'm not asking for too much am I? I don't want to you think that I want you to give up everything... I just want to be with you for a couple days, just you and me..."

"I understand" I open up my laptop and start checking a few things before I have to put it away for takeoff. I had to take my mind off of the panic that I could have gone into with every moment that passed.

"Don't be mad." He takes my hand into his. "I'm sorry. I just get pissed off sometimes that I can't walk through an airport."

            He needed to accept that I have a job to do, but I also needed to accept him as the boyfriend in front of the him as the client. I laid my head back on the head rest and tried to doze off. The flight is going to be long and I just want it to be over with already. He leans in to kiss my forehead. My eyes flutter open to look at him. "I love you." Just as the words escape his mouth he realizes what he said. He doesn't want to take it back. He can't believe he actually said it. I sit up straight, just staring at him, never taking my eyes off of him. ‘You love me?"

He smiles nodding his head. "I do. I love you."

"I love you. I really love you." I said it, and it was out loud.

"I don't think I have ever loved someone the way I love you. I love every single detail about you. I love you.  I have waited my entire life to meet someone like you. I love you. I love you." He leans in to whisper in my ear. "I love you, Emily Marie Clarkson." He kisses the side of my face as he makes his way to my lips. I was glad at this moment that we were in first class. The others in here were not paying enough attention to what was going on to notice that we just said I love you for the first time.

            There was security waiting for us at the gate. LAX had contacted Memphis International Airport to warn them what they were in for. They were not wrong. When we walked out of that gate, there were more photographers here then there was in Los Angeles. How is that even possible? It was a little more organized here though. They had time to prepare for it.

            "Welcome to Memphis!" Justin's mother, Lynn reaches out to hug me.

I hug her back, as the flashes are non-stop. "Thank you. It's nice to be here."

"It's nice to see you to mom..." He starts waving his hand back and forth, "Over here... you know me... your son!"

"Stop it Justin. She is the guest." Lynn says.

"And I'm chopped liver. I see how this weekend is going to end up." Justin said with a smile on his face. He reaches out to embrace his mother. "It's nice to be home again. Let's get out of here though before I am tempted to hurt one of these photographers."

            The drive to Lynn and Paul's house was not as long as I thought it was going to be. Within forty minutes we were pulling into their driveway. I knew they didn't live in the city, I guess I just expected it to be further than it was. It never dawned on me that we would be staying at his parents' house and not a hotel. I guess I just assumed we would stay in a hotel or maybe even one of Justin's secret houses here in Tennessee.

            The house was outstandingly beautiful. Every detail in that house was perfection. I expected to walk into a shrine of Justin, pictures everywhere around the house but there wasn't. There were small framed pictures but scattered around the house.

"Where's Paul?" Justin asks.

"He is at the bank. He will be home for dinner." She answered.

"When is dinner?"

"I think I just spent the last couple hours at the airport waiting on you, it's not done yet." She snickered.

"I know that, I mean what are you making?"

"I don't know yet. I'm heading into the kitchen right now to figure that out. Your room is clean with fresh sheets. You can get everything settled while I start dinner."

Justin nods and grabs the suitcases.

"Lynn," I say as she turns around, "I can help you cook dinner if you would like some help" I asked.

"Oh honey, you are on vacation. You don't have to cook for us."

"I don't mind. I enjoy cooking."

Justin chimes in, "She is a great cook."

"If you want, I would love some help. When your all settled in come join me in the kitchen."

            Justin leads me to the upstairs to a room that appears to be his. The room is very contemporary and sophisticated. Lynn must have redecorated this room because it doesn't look like a child grew up in this room.

I have dazed off into some other place look on my face, "Emily. Come back to earth." Justin says as he laughs.

"Sorry, I was just imagining you growing up in this room. It just doesn't look like something you would have as a teenager."

"So you are thinking about the virgin me... naughty girl."

"I guess, yes I am. I'm trying to get a feel for what you were like then."

"Well I can't help you with that. I didn't grow up in this room."

"Oh. How long has your parents lived here?"

"They bought this house when I was fairly young, maybe when I was like fifteen. But I was never here. I was on tour in Europe then so I never grew up in here in this house."

"How was it growing up on the road?" I questioned.

"Life lessons were defiantly learned at an early age. I was a child doing an adults work schedule, so I grew up pretty quickly. Maybe that's why I'm such a child now."

I shake my head yes, "It explains a lot."

            He rushes to the other side of the room and tackles me onto the bed, climbing ever so slightly over me. "You already said you loved me, you can't take it back now. You love the child that I am." He leans down and kisses me. Then begins to kiss down my neck, I attempt to push him off of me.

"Justin. Your mother... is... right down stairs."

‘Emily. I know... she is... down stairs." He continues to kiss down my chest.

"Justin." I hissed.

"Ok... ok." He jumps up. "If I don't stop, I won't stop."

            I unpacked my suitcases, putting my clothes on hangers and into the closet. Then I helped Justin because he seemed to have no focus on what he was doing except focus on my ass. Lynn was already cooking up a storm in the kitchen. She loved to cook as well. She made everything look so simple and easy. Justin seemed to be in awe of her. He even jumped in to help out.

            I didn't think seeing the interaction between Justin and his mother was going to bother me but when I saw him wrap his arms around her and kiss her forehead and say, "I love you mom. I missed you" it broke my heart. It was the same relationship I had with my mother.

            I excused myself and walked outside. The warm Tennessee air felt good against my skin. As much as I wanted to cry, I didn't. I wish my mother was here today to meet this man. I stood there just breathing in the warm air, hoping it would give me the strength to get through this.

I hear the door close behind me and the footsteps getting closer to me. "Are you okay honey?" Lynn asks. Her southern accent makes everything sound so sweet and genuine.

I turn to her, "I'm fine. I just needed a moment."

"You look like you're going to cry. Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm sorry. You shouldn't worry about me."

"Of course I'm going to worry about you, is something wrong."

"No... it was just your interaction with Justin. It reminded me of the relationship I had with my mother. It made me think of her that's all."

"Do you not have contact with her anymore?"

"No." I say with a shaky voice. "She died last year."

Lynn's face drops. "I didn't know. I'm sorry. I wouldn't have said anything."

I take her hand, "It's ok. Don't be sorry. You just remind me of her and sometimes things hit me from out of nowhere. I have to deal with the things when they come up."

"Do you want to me alone?"

"No, I'm ok now." I exhaled a deep breath. "I'm coming right behind you."

            We walk back into the house and I see her smack Justin upside the head and mumble something about he should have said something to her.

            Justin's image has always been pretty good in the public eye. Ninety percent of his reputation was accurate, but that ten percent that people don't see is what would surprise you. He doesn't love easily. It was something I had thought he did like it was nothing. Even before he was my client it seemed as if he would move from girl to girl fairly quickly. But that wasn't the case. He has only been in four serious relationships his entire life. He said he has always known when things were just over. Most of the time it had already been over and dealt with before the world knew he was single.

His grandparents were shocked to meet me. They have only l met two previous girlfriends. They joked that they hoped to meet the one he would marry before they got the wedding invitation in the mail. They were the sweetest people in the world. Growing up without grandparents never really mattered to me, I never thought I had missed something from it but meeting them I really missed out on having great grandparents. My luck though I would have had the evil grandparents that were mean to everyone.

The Fourth of July holiday has wasn't something I normally celebrated, it was my birthday and that meant more to me. This year however I was going to celebrate my birthday and the Fourth of July with my boyfriend and his entire family. It's the last thing I expected.

When I woke up that morning I had actually forgotten that it was my birthday. But I was reminded very quickly. Justin had notably mentioned that the house was empty and he had about an hour to give me my birthday gift. So when he climbs on top of me I think, well is this birthday gift for me or is this gift for him? Am I supposed to share my gift with him?  So when he starts to kiss me then get off of me, I am like wow, I think I earned a little more than that.

He leans to the side table and picks up a tiny little gift box. He hands it to me as I sit up on the bed. My palms start to sweat uncontrollably, my heart start to race. A tiny little blue box with Tiffany & Co. printed on the top rests in my hand.

"Open it." The smile on his face is total cheese.

I silently say a little pray, hoping that this isn't what I think it is. Please let me be completely wrong. I take a deep breath and open the box. Two silver keys lay inside the box attached to a fairly large diamond heart. I sigh of relief escapes my lungs. Thank god I was wrong. I don't know what I would have done if there was something else in that box.

"Thank you?" I didn't know what to say. Two keys for my birthday, I have to admit that has never happened before.

He takes them both into his hands, "This one, with ‘home' engraved on it is a key to my house. The one engraved with ‘patience' is the key to my beach house. And the heart, well I want you to know you have the keys to not only my houses, but you have the key to my heart." Like I said total cheese.

"You keyed me." I said with a smirk on his face.

"What's that supposed to mean."

"It's just you keyed me. It means you trust me. It means you want a future. It means so much."

"Well of course I do." He kisses me "I'm glad I didn't get you the other gift I was going to get. I saw the fear in your eyes when you saw that box."

"I had no such thing in my eyes."

"You are the worst liar and I can read your face like a book. You thought that was going to be a ring."

"I'm not that easy to read but yes I did think that was going to be a ring. I was just hoping for a cocktail ring or something."

"Oh, are we dirtying this gift up now. A cock ring is what you really wanted heck that could have save me a lot of money."

"Trust me, you don't need anything that could make that thing harder any longer."

"This is true."

"Aren't we overly confident?"

"I aim to please." 

I just shake my head at him. "Uh huh."

"Did you even read the message?"

"Where?" I start to turn it over.

"The inside ring of the heart has a small engraved message as well."

I read it out loud. "To Emily, the one that holds the keys to my heart. -Justin"

"Ok that didn't sound so cheesy when I decided on it." He laughs at himself.

"I love cheese. I wouldn't change it for the world."

            When we finally decide to get up and get a shower we see that some of his family was starting to show up. Along with the swarms of photographers lined up along the property line. There were twenty or so cameras lined up and angled right towards the backyard. I wish there was something we could do to prevent them from getting photos, but there was nothing we can do. They weren't technically on the Harless' property.

As mad as I am about them camped out near the property line I had to pull myself together and be strong... because his family is very protective and I was about to be thrown to the wolves. But before I could do anything I had to call Lexie. She had to be up by now, it was nearly 9:00 her time. It was Lexie after all, you never know.

Ring... ring... ring... ring... "Hello."

"Happy Birthday Lexie. I love you."

"Happy Birthday Emily. I love you." She reiterates.

"How does it feel to officially be out of your twenties?"

"I feel old."

"Hey now we are the same age and I don't feel old." I took an offense to that comment.

"You're not pregnant."

"This is a good thing."

"I guess so. You and your boyfriend are way too busy to have a child right now."

I didn't even want to think about Justin and I having children. "What are your plans for the day?"

"Rob has something planned but he won't tell me. It's a surprise."

"Oh no."

"That's what I said." She doesn't seem too happy. "What are you and Justin going to do?"

"Honestly I don't have a clue. I think we are staying here with his entire family today to celebrate the Fourth of July."

"But it's your birthday."

"I'm ok with just staying here today."

"I remember him clearly asking you to bring a dress? What was that for?"

"Actually I don't know."

"Make sure you call me with the details of that event."

"Alight Lexie, I will make sure I do that. Have a wonderful birthday, I love you."

            Justin's family was very much into this holiday. They have the entire backyard turned into a BBQ scene with the pool ready for swimming. I was standing on the back porch watching Justin, throwing his younger cousins into the pool. One by one picking them up and tossing them into the water. He wasn't the ‘Justin Timberlake' that I had always looked at him as. He was Justin. He was a son. He was a grandson. He was a cousin. He was just simply Justin. The more I watch him the more I can imagine him playing with our children next to the pool on a hot summer day. Our little boy that looked just like him, a mini-me of him. The little girl would have my eyes and hair color but she would have the curls and his strong singing voice.

            I snap out of whatever craziness of a world I was in by Justin walking over and taking my hand to lead me into the masses of people. He wanted to personally introduce me to everyone. Luckily in the mix of all this, Trace saves the day. He challenged Justin to a match of volleyball in the pool. It was a tradition that they always had on the fourth of July. This year was going to be no different.

            They took the game very serious. It was the super bowl of pool volleyball games. When I joined in the game I was nervous, I didn't want to ruin the team and make Justin lose. But it was all in good fun. Trace ended up being the sore loser, blaming it on the children on his team and not the fact that he couldn't hit the ball correctly.

            When the sun finally went down the kids ran around with sparklers in their hands, fascinated but the spark that came off of them. They were overly excited for the fireworks at the end of the night.

            I stood with Justin and watch as a perfect night had ended. When the crowds finally parted ways and begun to leave, Justin took my hand, "Come." He led me down a path into the woods that eventually led to a log cabin. This was a one room cabin that was used for storage of a lot of her career memorabilia and a spot he said he used to come to get away from everyone. I was slowly learning that he liked to run away from things the same way I do. He always had somewhere to hide.

"You didn't think I would forget that it was your birthday... your thirtieth birthday did you?"

"I was hoping I would forget that I was turning thirty."

"There is nothing wrong with thirty. I have been thirty for... a couple months longer than you."

            The cabin was candlelit. He must have snuck off and done this without me knowing. The door opens and I see lilies, everywhere. They were in vases throughout the entire cabin.

"Those are beautiful." I turn to look at him.

"You love lilies..." He leans in to kiss my lips very gently.

"I do love lilies. They are simple and beautiful."

"They fit you well, magnificent beauty."

"Look at you knowing a little bit about the flower I love."

"Of course."

            Just then I see Justin drop to one knee. My eyes begin to bulge out of my sockets. He lifts his hand to mine. I throat has become dry, my palms are sweaty, and my heart is racing at a pace it's never been before.

"Emily." He opens a small box, an immaculate diamond ring is staring back at me, sparkling in the light of the candles. "I have never in my life been happier than I am with you. I know that I will be with you when I'm sixty and complaining about the arthritis in my legs from dancing so many years and I know that it will be you sitting next to me. I see you as the mother of my children, the daughter my mother has never had. Emily, will you marry me?"

            Justin slowly rises from his knee with tears in his eyes, they were not tears of joy. He knew I wasn't going to say yes. I think he thought I would say yes but I couldn't. I couldn't possibly get engaged to someone that I had just started dating. This was after all the first person I opened up to. I couldn't have possibly have found the one with the first attempt.

"I'm sorry Justin. I love you but I can't marry you."

Those baby blues were now overflowing with tears as they start to stream down the sides of his face. "It's ok I understand." But he didn't understand because he dropped my hand and walked out of that cabin heartbroken. The first and last time he would ever propose to anyone.

However that was just one scenario that went through my mind in the moments I stood there in silence from being in shock... in reality this is what happened.

I said yes. I said yes. I was saying yes to a marriage proposal to a guy that I had only been dating for a month. It felt right. I felt so right.

Lying in bed this morning I'm recollecting the events of the night before.

"Yes. Yes. Yes I will marry you." I said as Justin leaps up off his knee and takes me up into his arms and spins around. "I love you."

            I look down at my left hand to see a platinum ring on that very important finger. I actually did it. I said yes. Reality was setting in that I had agreed to marry this man. I gave him my promise. I was happy with that choice, every detail of it.

We were going to be brave souls today. Justin was going to tell his parents our news at breakfast and then Justin and I were venturing into the city, he wanted to show me some of his favorite places downtown and do a little shopping.

"Well... Mom... Paul... I... we have some news." Justin says nervously.

Lynn and Paul look at each other with the hugest smile on their faces and both say at the same time, "Baby?"

"No. " I said quickly.

Disappointment on both of their faces rein, "Oh."

Justin tries to bring them back to excitement. "We are engaged!"

His mother gasps. "Finally. Finally he finds happiness." She whispers to herself.

"No baby, but a wedding!" I say quietly.

"Have you guys thought about when you want to get married?"

We both look at each other and shake our heads no,

"It takes a long time to plan a wedding." Lynn says.

"Maybe next year?" I say.

"Next year sounds good." Justin agrees.

            I never really thought much of the repercussions that happen. I was truly for the first time in a very long time living life in this very moment. I knew deep down that this could have an adverse reaction on both of our careers but this is what we wanted. We were happy and that's all that mattered.

I wasn't much of a traveler unless it was for work but I had seen my fair share of places. This was one place I had never been. Memphis has always been one of the places I wanted to go but didn't have the chance to spend any time in, until now.

We were in toe with ten vehicles. None of which we have chosen to be with us. I hadn't really thought about the ring on my left hand in a negative way until we stepped out of the vehicle at the first stop.  I tucked my hand into the pocket of my jean shorts and walk on the right side of Justin, hoping they wouldn't get a shot of it. This was a private matter that I would like to at least let Lexie know about before the world knew.

Each store we walked into was a challenge. Justin was trying with everything he had in him to ignore them but there is only so much that one person can take. He hated the idea of every one of them following him. So when they wouldn't give us a break at all, he gets defensive. "You are getting your shots, could you at least back up and let us walk?" I didn't like him upset or frustrated but angry Justin was sexy.

We managed to get through most of the afternoon in the city before the madness got worse than ever. We step out of the car at Audubon Park to have a picnic lunch where we were plummeted with photographers. We had tried very hard to keep calm and collected with everyone but when they started demanding to see my hand, "We saw the ring back in town... we know you are wearing an engagement ring. Just show it to us..." They can say whatever they want but when one even went as far as reaching out to grab my hand and pull it towards them, I was done. That was it for us; we gathered our things and headed back to his house. Getting Justin fired up takes a lot but once he is at that point it's over.

"I have never come home to a mess like this. Never." He was disgusted by everything.

"It's me. It's the fact that you have someone new with you. It's them trying to find a story."

"Well they sure found it here... I should have waited."

"Are you talking about my ring?" I look down at the ring and for the first time I wasn't happy to see it there.

"Yes."

"Are you regretting it now?" I questioned.

"No, no... not at all. I should have been more private about it all though. I knew this weekend was not a good one because of the paparazzi were everywhere but I... I just didn't want to wait any longer... I would like us to savor the engagement as long as possible and be that happily engaged couple before the world knew."

"I can't believe they haven't tied the two together yet. They still don't even know my name."

"When they do, wow it's going to be even worse. Maybe we should run away together to some deserted Island." He joked

"That would be wonderful."

            Back at his parent's house I finally get a return phone call from Lexie, but she wasn't so nice or accepting of my decision.

"Emily. Why in the hell am I learning about your engagement on national television?"

"I tried to call you several times but it kept going to voicemail. I didn't think that was something I should leave on your voicemail."

"So it's true? You are actually engaged to him?" She was pissed off.

"Yes... he proposed last night! I have the gorgeous ring on my finger and I'm really going to marry him." I was ecstatic.

"You weren't supposed to get engaged. You just started dating again. Don't you think you are moving just a little too fast?"

I got quiet. "You were the one that was on my ass about getting out there again. I did it. And I fell in love with this one. I really love him."

"Are you sure that this isn't just infatuation?"

"What's going on Lex? Are you against this?"

"It's just... well... how do you know he is the one? How do you know this isn't just one of his games?"

"How do you know he isn't? You are the one that kept saying I needed to trust him, I needed to open up to him, and you are the one that kept pushing me to give him a chance. I did all that, I took a chance and fell in love with him."

"You just weren't supposed to jump this far in so fast."

"It's not like we eloped in Vegas, we got engaged."

"I don't know what you want me to say Em."

"I don't need you to say anything. How about just supporting the choice I made. That's all I need for you."

"I will be there for you, I support you. I just think it's a crazy idea."

"I can't deal with this right now with you. I got to go. I fly home tomorrow. We can talk then."

"Ok. Bye." She hung up.

            Lexie had been on my side through everything, why was she so against this? She is the one that is having a child with a guy she barely knew. I guess worst case scenario for us would be divorce. You can't divorce a child. If I was making a mistake, at least I wouldn't be involving child.

            I didn't know what Lexie's deal with it was but this was but I was sure she would come around. Maybe there was something going on with her and Rob, maybe it was just the pregnancy. I wasn't sure. It saddens me to think she didn't approve of this.

Justin knows that something is wrong with me. I had been on this high of excitement since we got engaged.

"Babe, what's wrong?"

"Lexie."

"What happened?"

"I don't know. There is something wrong with her but I just don't know right now."

"I'm sorry." He knows there isn't really much he can do. "I made us dinner reservations. Did you bring that dress?"

I smile at him, "Yes I did."

"Well let's go to dinner."

            Dinner was no different than the rest of the vacation and trip to the airport the next afternoon was the worse than the others. The airport on both ends was a nightmare. I had never seen them reacting the way they were. Every movement seemed to be bigger than it needed to be. There seemed to be this fascination with Justin suddenly, more than normal.

Returning to the office is the exact place I wanted to be but I had to clean up the mess I had caused over this vacation. Every single person in the office stopped me today to ask how my vacation was. But they were not being sincere they were all looking down at my ring. That's all they really wanted. They wanted that conformation that there was a ring on my finger.

Tracey, my life saver, had done a remarkable job with all of my clients. She had handled every task that came into her lap. I walked into that office with no work from the last couple days. She had handled everything. The very moment I have a position open in this company as an agent; it was going to be her spot. As much as I didn't want to lose her as my assistant, she was going to be an amazing PR Agent.

There was thousands of websites that had our pictures plastered all over them. Not one conformation was handed to them about anything. Tracey avoided confirming anything.

"Hollywood's hottest bachelor he is off the market. Justin Timberlake is engaged to his public relations manager, Emily Clarkson, rumor has it they started dating shortly after his accident and have falling in love. He proposed in his hometown of Millington over the weekend while celebrating her birthday with his family. We tried to reach Emily Clarkson herself but the only response we got back from his camp was a generic statement saying they don't comment on their client's personal life... Who would have thought he would ever get engaged?"

My inbox started to pile up shortly after that statement went to press. Even though the

statement clearly states they we would not be commenting on that they continue to try and get my attention on the matter. When in reality I don't have to answer any questions they ask. I don't have a public career that will plummet if I do nothing about it. I was going to avoid all questions as long as I possibly could.

We have only been engaged for nearly a month and it feels like an eternity. Anything that we have done has been a movement towards the wedding, at least according to the press that's what it was. However in reality nothing had begun to be planned. We hadn't even set a date. There was no rush in getting married. If you're going to be together forever why is it such a rush to get the wedding over with?

Just when you think it has calmed down and no one really cares about it, you get stories that are so far left field that you have no clue how that could even remotely be close to any kind of truth.

My level headed assistant who is normally bubbly and cheerful isn't as cheerful as she walks into my office with a concerned look on her face. I knew there was something wrong. I knew that she has something major to drop into my lap. She shuts the door behind her and sits down, sitting quietly for a moment attempting to collect her thoughts.

"Don't look at me like that." I say to her sarcastically.

She begins to fidget with the folder she has on her lap. "I have some news."

"I knew it was something. What is it?"

"Well I said some things to Nicole that I shouldn't have said and well..."

"Nicole Cunningham?" I snicker.

"Yes. I said some things about Justin and you. Very minor, just stating that I thought you guys was great together, that he was a great guy, and I could see you guys together forever. And that I hoped things from the past wouldn't hurt your current relationship." Her head is lowered and she can't look at me. "Well I guess that was a red flag for her and she made some accusations to me and I denied them all because they were all untrue. Well... this morning I get a phone call from someone at In Touch and they have a source that is claiming that Justin has been sleeping with his current fiancé's co workers, and he slept with her assistant."

"Okay?" I didn't believe a word of it.

"Those are the exact accusations that Nicole claimed to me. She said she thought by the comments I had made that I was referring to a past with him or whatever. But I can stand here and tell you with one hundred percent confidence that I have never slept with Justin."

"When is the story coming out?" I asked.

"Tomorrow... I have a copy of the cover they sent over along with the article."

I drop my head into my hand as I see the actual cover. It's a picture of Justin from what looks like six or eight months ago in a club talking to someone. I felt a migraine starting to form. "Do you think it was Nicole that went to the magazine?"

"I think if it wasn't her then it was someone she gave the info to. The information is way too close to what she said to me for someone else thinking the same thing. It just doesn't work that way."

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Anything..." she says.

"Get a hold of that reporter that took the sources quotes. Tell them you want a name. You want to know who the source is because slander against you is not going to be tolerated and this firm will file a lawsuit and win. Tell them you will own that magazine. I will talk to them if you get them on the phone."

"I will try, if not you can talk to them."

"Tracey." She turns to look back at me, "I believe you. Don't worry about this."

"Thank you."

            She leaves the room and I feel the pit in my stomach begin to deepen. Could any of this be true? Could he really be having an ongoing sexual relationship with someone else? Could it be someone I work with? Could it all be happening right underneath my nose and not have seen it?

            I trusted him with every fiber of my being. I never imagine him having the time to have another relationship. However there are days I don't see him, there are times he is in a different city. He is in NYC right now. What is he doing there without me? I pick up the phone and I call him

"Hey babe. How is your day going?" He answers the phone.

"Not so good."

"Anything I can help you with?"

‘Actually, I can't even believe I'm going to ask you this but... I can't stop thinking about it."

"Ask me anything." His tone was sincere. He had nothing to hide.

"Are you sleeping with someone other than me?"

He got super quiet. The pit grew deeper. "Emily, I'm in a relationship with you. I'm engaged to you. Where is this coming from?"

"I needed to verify reports, that's all." I was trying to convince myself that it was all it was.

"Rumors?" He asked, as if he could believe I was asking this question.

"Yes. The report says you were sleeping with a co-worker of mine and you slept with my assistant."

"Tracey?"

"Yes."

"Em, I haven't seen anyone else since the day I left the hospital, hell I haven't been with someone else since days before the accident.  I haven't even seen or spoken to Jessica since that day she left the hospital and I released that statement. You believe me don't you?"

"I do, you just think twice about everything when news like that is put in your face."

"I have made mistakes, I can't say that I haven't but since I have been with you I have been faithful. I promise you that."

"I believe you. I trust you. I just needed to hear it straight from you."

"I will be home in a couple days. I love you."

"I love you to. Be safe."

            I trusted him, I really did. This was a situation that I was sure we would go through at least once. His name sells magazines; his name attracts people to their websites. I just didn't expect the pit in my stomach to be like this. I knew how things worked in this industry. I should have been able to prevent myself from something like this.

            Alone in my apartment that night I can't seem to stop thinking about the idea of him cheating on me. I stare at that ring for hours. I had placed two separate phone calls to him and have yet to hear back from him. If I found out that he did cheat what would I do? The logical part of me would walk away without even thinking twice, but my heart is saying the opposite.

I have rarely talked to Lexie since I got home from Memphis. She doesn't approve of this engagement at all. She thinks I'm making a huge mistake. I guess I won't win in this situation with her so I'm simply avoiding it right now. I knew if I went to her with these concerns she would just throw it at me and tell me she was right all along.

Could the reason he asked me to marry him be that he had something to hide and this was a way to keep my mind off of the possibility that there was someone else? Why couldn't I just accept that it was a rumor? Did a part of me think that there was some truth behind it? I was driving myself crazy thinking of all the possibilities of our relationship.

            I didn't sleep very well last night and when I got to the office in the morning I realized it was going to be a hectic day. These rumors are fueling the fire and I had to deal with them as his PR and not his fiancé. Fighting back the tears was a challenge. The worst thing of all was having Justin four thousand miles away.

Tracey did have some good news for me though. The reporter has agreed to meet with me this morning. He was waiting in my office when I got there at seven thirty in the morning.

"Prompt and early. I like that." I reached out to shake the hand of the reporter, "Emily Clarkson"

"Miles James. It's nice to finally meet you." He extended his hand to shake mine.

"Well Miles, I guess we have a lot to discuss."

"I guess I should start by saying that the magazine was sure that they had a source for the story before we ran it."

"I understand that and I also understand that you are just doing your job, which you need to realize that I'm doing my job as well. No matter what my relationship is with Justin, he is my client." I was already annoyed by him.

"I understand." He says. "So are you confirming that he is your fiancé?"

I roll my eyes at him and laugh. "Ha.  You should really know by now that I won't comment on something like that."

"Yes... Yes I do. I had to try though. Normally people don't get this kind of meeting from you."

"So are you going to tell me who this source was?" I bluntly asked.

"You know I can't do that Ms. Clarkson."

"So you are saying that yourself and In Touch wouldn't mind if this agency files this defamation of character lawsuit against you on the side of Tracey?" I drop and slide a stack of papers towards him.

He looks stunned, "I... I..."

"Cat got your tongue Mr. James? Were you not expecting a lawsuit so soon?"

"I can't reveal sources. You know that." He tried to defend himself.

"Just give me a name and the lawsuit will disappear. My lawyer is waiting on the phone call this morning to process this through the courts. So this is up to you. The ball is your court now."

"I'm not here to give you a name." he said sarcastically.

"Well then why are you here? Why are you wasting my time? Did you think that by coming in here you would have dish for another story because honey I will give you nothing."

Defensively he snaps at me, "My boss said I had to at least attend this meeting."

"Well... now you can go back and tell you boss that a lawsuit for twenty million dollars will be filed this morning. The ball was totally in your court, and well I'm sorry but its back in mine..." His face drops as my intercom buzzes. "Emily, the lawyer is on line two." Tracey's voice echoes on my phone.

I pick up the phone, "Emily Clarkson" all he hears is a one sided conversation. "I'm still in this meeting but it looks like we are going through with it... There was no deal reached... I will call you this afternoon with more details... let me know what the judge says..."

            I no sooner than hang up the phone and he is trying to make a deal. I think he realized I was serious. I wasn't going to let Tracey be blamed for something she had nothing to do with.

"Give me one hour Emily. I need to discuss this with my boss and I will let you know what he says."

"One hour Miles, not a second longer. I have a lot to get done today."

            Fifty eight minutes later I get an email from Miles. There were only two words on the email, but it was all I needed.

Nicole Cunningham.

            My jaw dropped. I selected print, save, and forward. I knew it was her but I didn't have the proof. Now, I had all I needed in the palm of my hands to terminate her. And I was going to. I think I just had the conversation with her in a meeting full of people telling her to do something like this and they were gone. Well, it's over for her now.

            I typed a termination letter and walked into Mr. Daniels office.

"Hi, I need you to sign this copy of the termination."

"So it really was her?" he says with a sigh. "When I got the email from you I wasn't surprised, I almost expected it to be her. But she was warned. Now, it looks like we need to hire another agent."

"Already done, I have the perfect person. Just find me an amazing trustworthy assistant."

"Tracey?" he asks.

"Yes." I said with a smile on my face.

"Perfect. Do you what you have to do Ms. Clarkson." I turned to walk out of his office. "Emily..."
"Yes"

"Congratulations on the engagement."

With a slight blushed face, " Thanks."

            I couldn't help but have a smile on my face. I had been waiting for this moment, the moment when I get to do this. I walked into Nicole's office, it was full of people chattering about what they were going to do in the upcoming weekend. As I step in the room it gets super quiet.

Nicole looks up at me, "Is there something I can help you with Emily?"

I chuckle, ‘Why yes there is. You can pack everything that belongs to you in this office and you can head down to human resources, they are waiting for you to sign release papers."

She gives me a dirty look. "Release papers? What are you talking about?"

"As of this afternoon, you are no longer employed at this company. Please gather you things and leave as soon as possible."

She snaps her head around, "What the fuck is going on?"

"Do not speak to me like that in this office." I urged.

"This is not your office."

"This isn't your office either." I lay the termination letter onto her desk.

"What is going on?" She is catching on now that I was serious.

"I warned you about involving yourself with my clients."

"What?" She was putting on a good game face, but it was already over for her.

"Being a source for In Touch magazine has hopefully made you enough money to last for a while because you will not work for another agency in this town."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

I was fed up with her lies. "Nicole this is over. You are caught. Be the adult and pack up your things and leave. Security will be here in a half hour to make sure you are off the premises."

She was still in shock that she was caught. "You can't do this. I will have your job for this one."

"Nicole you can say whatever you want to me, about me, whatever you want but at the end of the day you will never be me. You will never have my job. You will never have my fiancé."

She chuckles. "I have already had your fiancé."

What did she just say? Keep a straight face Emily, you can do this.

"Twenty three minutes is all you have left. You should pack quickly."

            Another long night alone in bed doesn't help all the thoughts that seem to be non-stop through my head. I couldn't shake the feeling that there were things that I didn't know. There were things about Justin that I didn't know. He was coming home today and there was a part of me that almost wished he wasn't coming home because I had no idea what I was going to feel like when he stepped through the front door of my apartment. I wanted to see him, I missed him but there was going to be a bit of a dark cloud that would be in the room when I first saw him.  I couldn't let this go. I haven't said anything to him about the comment Nicole had made. I wanted to wait until he was home and in front of me before I asked that question.

            I needed my best friend. I needed some kind of conformation that I wasn't making a horrible mistake. I was standing in the kitchen drinking a piping hot cup of coffee when I heard my door open. I knew instantly it has her.

"I thought we had lunch plans today Emily." Lexie says as she stands next to the coffee pot.

"Sorry, I haven't even got dressed yet."

"What is wrong with you? You should be overjoyed with excitement. You are getting married."

"Yea. I know." I sip from the coffee cup not even looking at her.

 She sits down at the island in the room. "Em, what's wrong?"

I turned to look at her, "I needed you to support me. It doesn't matter what my choice is at the end of the day. You should support me... because when this does end badly... I'm going to fall apart and I'm going to need the one person I have left in t his world to help me."

"I'm sorry. I was shocked."

"Shock wears off within a month. You just didn't approve of this choice and avoided contact with me so you wouldn't have to deal with it. That hurt Lexie."

"I'm sorry. I really think you guys moved too fast. I didn't know what to do." Sympathy wasn't her greatest quality.

"You should have just supported me."

"I should have... but I'm here now." I almost believe her. "Wait, you think this is going to end badly?"

"I have so much going on in my head right now I can't think straight."

"Is this about the tabloid reports?"

"Kind of... but no it was something Nicole said when she was leaving the office the day I fired her."

"You fired her? Why? Never mind... forget it back to what she said."

"She said she slept with Justin."
She sits up straight in her chair. "When?"

"I didn't ask. I didn't want her to think I believed anything she said."

"But do you?"

"No... But is still bothers me. I guess there are a lot of unanswered questions."

"Have you asked Justin about it?"

"No, he comes home today. So I'm going to see him and ask him then."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I can see that this is really bothering you. You need to talk to him."

"I will tonight."

            I didn't want to be in public anywhere but I couldn't be alone in that apartment one more minute. When I returned there this afternoon, Justin would be there. I was not nearly as excited as I should be for my fiancé to be returning from a weeklong trip. I knew that the first thing I needed to do was ask him about Nicole.

            Those damn paparazzi have started to track my every move. A simple task out to lunch with Lexie is a total mob scene. I wasn't sure how much I could handle of this. I'm not used to being the one they wanted pictures with. I have been to plenty of openings and premieres with my clients and had to push them along but it was different when I was standing in street clothes, walking into a diner, without Justin and they are still trying to get something.

            The tabloids are out of control and even as his PR Manager, there was nothing I could do control it. I wasn't confirming anything. I wasn't doing anything. I felt like I wasn't doing my job at all anymore. I was so consumed with these accusations as his fiancé. I had officially become consumed.

"I'm home!" Justin bellows as he enters the apartment.

The pit in my stomach is now the Grand Canyon. I was sitting upright on my bed with my knees against my chest and my hands wrapped around my legs when he walked in. He sees me with my eyes tired and red from lack of sleep.

"What's wrong babe?" he says as he drops his bag on the floor reaching out to kiss me on my forehead. That has always been my favorite thing in the world. It felt like a shiver down my spine this time.

"I need to ask you something." I say in a soft monotone voice.

He sits on the bed directly in front of me. "You look so tired."

"I haven't slept in days. I think I'm in a state of insomnia."

"Em, what's wrong." He takes my hand.

The thought of my mother runs through my mind. Em... the tears start to roll.

"Em... I forgot I'm sorry... I thought being your fiancé I could call you that by now."

"I... I... hearing that and thinking of my mother at this moment isn't what I need."

"Just say it... What's on your mind?" His face starts to turn a flushed shade and water resides in his eyes. "Are you ending this?"

I couldn't let his tears stop me, "Did you sleep with Nicole?"

"What? No. I told you I haven't been with anyone else. What's going on that you haven't told me?"

"The day she was fired she said she had slept with you."

"And you believed her?"

"No, however I couldn't shake the feeling that she was telling me something I didn't know. She was serious as stone when she said it."
"Nicole was being fired. I would have said something to piss of my boss that just fired me as well."

            I never thought about it like that. It never even dawned on me that she could have been just saying that to see if she would get a reaction from me. I guess she got exactly what she wanted, thankfully she never saw it.

            At that moment I felt the weight on my shoulders disintegrate. I felt relieved. I felt ok again. I needed to hear that directly from him. Maybe I just needed him to wrap those strong arms around me and hold me, whisper I love you in my ear. Whatever it was I felt at rest with the situation.

            Eventually getting out of bed we opted for dinner and a movie. Date night. I felt like the giddy teenager that hopelessly falls for the boy. A simple gesture of their hand being placed into yours gives you the butterflies you can't control. I loved the part of Justin that was touchy feely. It wasn't the best thing to do for the cameras but at some point you have to do what you want and not worry that they will get photos of your intimate moments.

            For the first time in five nights, I was able to sleep. When I woke up the next morning I felt refreshed. I needed a relaxing day with just him and I. Nothing in Justin's world was calm though. Just something as simple as walking down the street was a difficult task for him.

"I could do this forever..." Justin says pulling me closer to him.

"This." I climb on top of him and start kissing down his chest.

"Well that yes, but I am talking about just laying in bed with you, escaping from the cruel cruel world that is out there." He points out the window.

"You live a privileged life Mr. Timberlake. You don't know what cruel is."

"I beg to differ. I have had my heart broken. I have felt heart ache. I have had things I wanted badly and not gotten them."

"But you are still Justin Timberlake... life isn't that cruel."

"And you are about to be Mrs. Justin Timberlake... the world is looking up for you."

"Oh I'm not changing my last name."

"What? Why wouldn't you change your last name?"

"Because I think Emily Clarkson has more of a ring to it than Emily Timberlake does."

"That's only because that's what you have been used to for thirty years. It's time for a change."

            I had to get into wedding planner mode pretty quickly. All those little details needed to be made. Location. Food. Alcohol. Flowers. Colors. Favors. Hotels. Flights. The Dress... the dress is going to be the hardest detail of this wedding. It was the one thing my mother always looked forward to on my wedding day. We had talked about it many times as I grew up. It was the very last thing we ever talked about.

            There's a wedding planner that I'm meeting this morning and she was already ten minutes late. I don't know how much I like that. I wish Justin was at this meeting but I knew there was no way with his schedule today that he would be able to get out of it.

            I didn't trust my new assistant, Cheryl, just yet so she knew nothing about my personal life. She was demanded to sign a confidentiality waver for me when she took the job. There is normally a simple one you sign for the company but since I have been the target of the tabloids I was sure to change that. The days that Justin visits the office I made sure that she is busy with something to occupy her time. The last thing I needed was someone else running to the press with stories.

"Emily.... Mindy Weiss is here to see you." Cheryl says in her high pitched voice.

"Send her in Cheryl."

            Mindy walks into my office and I don't know why, but I expected her to be a tall blonde but in walks a petite brunette through the door. I stand to greet her. "Ms. Weiss it's nice to finally meet you."

She extends the gesture then sits, "So what kind of event are we going to be doing for you?"

"A wedding, in the spring of next year."

"That's good timing. Is the groom going to be here today?"

"No. Privacy is a big issue with us. We need someone on board that can do this with complete confidence of the privacy."

"I have done many high profile celebrity weddings. Is that what we are dealing with here?"

"Yes. My fiancé is Justin Timberlake."

"Oh." She raises her eyebrows, surprised to hear his name. "What kind of wedding are you both looking to have?"

"Small wedding, maybe a hundred, I guess maybe two hundred guests if we have to. We are going to keep it as small as we can."

"Any specific locations in mind?"

"Nothing is set in stone, either Los Angeles or Memphis if we can. We are open to any and all the ideas you might have. We want it to be classy and elegant with a twist of who we are in it."

"Well I have tons of samples and ideas you can go through. Maybe we could set up a meeting in two weeks to go over some things with you and your fiancé."

"That would be perfect." I stood as she stood. "It was nice to meet you."

"I look forward to making this a beautiful day you will never forget."

            I didn't have the time to really deal with any of the wedding details. She was the best there is and I had to trust someone else to handle it. Justin is not in town all the time and I'm the office all hours of the day. Time was something I didn't have to spare.

            The afternoon snuck up on me faster than I realized. Before I knew it, it was after lunch and the stack of paperwork didn't seem to shrink at all. I still had so much to get done. I would rather be at home snuggling with my fiancé than sitting in this office doing nothing but paperwork. This was the part of the job that I hated.

"Emily... there is an umm... Nicole Cunningham here to see you. She says it's a private matter." My head snaps up in shock. What the fuck would she want? What could be this private matter she needs to talk to me about? If Tracey was still my assistant she would have sent her away instantly.

"Send her in Cheryl." I sat at that desk running thousands of options through my head of why she was here but none seemed logical.

"Long time no see Emily." She says with a smile on her face.

"Nicole what is it that you need. I have a busy day ahead of me."

"You always say that, yet you seem to always have free time on your hands."

"Nicole, your point for being here is?" I would have been happy with never seeing her again.

"Well I wanted to have a conversation with you before this went to press. Since I know how overly confident you are with your job and your relationship with Justin."

I glance at her over the computer screen. "I don't really think I have anything to discuss with you about either of those."

She reaches into her purse, pulling out a small square case. "I think there is."

            She had placed a disc on my desk, labeled "Vivid"

"What exactly is this?"

"Well I think you would have figured it out by now. Someone in your position should know exactly what this is before I handed it to you."

"Whatever you're trying to say, please just say it. I have things to get done."

"Well Emily Clarkson... this is a DVD that was purchased by Vivid Entertainment. This... Ms. Clarkson-so to be Timberlake... maybe... is your fiancé and myself... having sex."

"A sex tape?" A fucking sex tape, I think to myself.

"Justin likes to get a little freaky in bed, which I'm sure you are aware of, so the second time we got together I made sure to set up a camera and document that." She stands up to walk towards the door. "I have to say you sure snagged yourself a great man..." She smiles, "Well... at least he is great in bed." She shuts the door and is gone.

In my hands I hold a case that may change the rest of my life. I drop the case onto my desk and cup my hand over my mouth as I beg into sob. This clear case holding a simple recordable disc has taken my breath away.

Hours have passed and I'm frozen in time staring at this disc. I know the moment I put it in the computer everything was going to change. Work was not getting accomplished. I just sat in that chair with my hand resting slightly over my mouth staring off into nowhere.

Blank.

            Empty.

I finally get the nerve to put in the disc. I had to see what was on it. I knew that whatever was on it I needed to know... I just needed to know. I slide that disc into my hands and slowly lower it into the drive of my laptop.

The screen is black. There was nothing on this disc. She had been bluffing, trying to get a reaction from me.

The screen changes then there it was, a man and a woman rushing into the bedroom, slamming the bedroom door, a flash of the logo on the back of the jeans was pretty obvious, kissing... spinning around the room trying to remove clothing at fast as they can. Then it was the shot that I didn't want to be true. There stood my fiancé front and center. I close my eyes as the tears start to fall. The lump in my throat was closing off the airway for me to breathe. I couldn't stop watching it.

            When the moment came and it was too much I slam the computer closed. He had lied to me. He had slept with her. He not only slept with her, it was on DVD and I had a copy of it.

I knew I couldn't and wouldn't be able to deal with this so I called the only person I trust to handle it.

"Tracey, its Emily. Could you come down to my office, please?"

"Is everything okay?"

"No." I answered quickly.

"I will be right down."

            There wasn't anyone left in the office at this point. It was a quarter after eight. I was surprised that even she was here. My door flies open and in runs Tracey.

"Are you alright?"

I had to be the Vice President now; I lift the DVD to show her.  "This is a sex tape that was delivered to me today. I need to you contact the Los Angeles Police Dept and Vivid Entertainment. This was recorded..." I stop myself because I either couldn't breathe or I just couldn't say the words. "It was recorded without his knowledge and she has sold it to Vivid. We have to get the police involved as soon as we can. In a perfect world we may be able to stop it from hitting the press."

"Who is it?" She questions.

"My fiancé."

Her face drops. "I'm so sorry."

"You know Tracey, the tape doesn't bother me. It really doesn't. It's who it's with."

"Who is it?"

The idea of even saying the name makes me want to hurl. I have the visions of them together running through my head. His lips on hers. His hands on her. "Nicole Cunningham. Get the lawyer involved but please keep this as quiet as you can. Deny all reports. Tracey I can't deal with this right now. Can you handle it... at least until I pull myself together."

"Of course I will. Do you need me to do anything for you?"

"The damage is done. There nothing you can do to save this situation now."

"I'm sorry."

"This isn't your fault... I will be back in the morning. If you need anything, just call me."

            I didn't know what to do, where to go, I didn't know anything in that moment. I just started driving. Eventually I ended up in the driveway of his house. My thoughts have been a total fog. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion and in a blur.

            I slam my fist down on the steering wheel. "Why me? Why the fuck do I have to find the assholes that do these things to me? What did I do in my life that was so bad that karma was kicking me for now? I lost the one person I loved the most in the world, and now this? Why do I deserve this?"

            I step out of the vehicle and walk towards the door. Placing my hand on the door to catch my balance, resting my head on the door, I have to take a deep breath. I enter the front door of his house, using the key that he gave me for my birthday. I placed the keys on the table in the entrance way. I wouldn't need those keys anymore.

The house was dark, other than a small lamp that was on in the living room. I knew he was here, his car was in the drive way. I walked towards the kitchen where I could hear him rattling plates around. My heels started to clack on the wood floors and he turns and sees me standing there. As distraught as I was my strength had come from somewhere unknown. I was still standing on both feet. A deep breathe escapes out of my lungs, "You lied to me. You lied right to my face. You said you never slept with her."

He doesn't say a word. He looked confused, yet he knew that he was caught. "I just... I..."

" Justin..." very shaky and tears in my eyes, I lay a DVD on the counter, "This sex tape... seems to contradict everything you have said to me. It has nothing to do with the fact that you slept with her, it happened before us, as far as I'm aware of... I told you from day one not to lie to me about anything...I should have listened to my gut instinct when it was screaming at me that you were lying..." I slide the platinum diamond ring off my finger. The lump in my throat has prevented me from saying anything, I stood there staring at the ring then finally placing it on top of the DVD. "I can't marry you. I can't do this at all."

            My knees begin to wobble as I turned and walked as fast as my legs could possibly move.  He never defended himself, never touched on the accusations, never saying anything to me. Maybe he was shocked by everything but he had just let me walk out of his life.

            It was over. So over.

            I was engaged for just about two minutes. I guess I should just be lucky that I got out when I did. What else could he have been lying to me about? If he would lie about something minor from his past, what is currently going on that I don't know?

I kneel down to wipe the dirt off her stone. Her name finally becomes clear to read again, Victoria Marie Clarkson. ‘Beloved Mother' rests right above her name. I begin to sob more, even though I didn't think I had any tears left. I begin to talk to her, "Well I thought I found a good man. I thought I found someone I would be proud to stand next to for the rest of my life. I was wrong yet again. I should have known... I should have listened to my gut instinct. Why is it so hard for me to find someone to trust and love... why is it so difficult to have them both? Why is it that the people I love most in the world I end up losing?" I lowered my head feeling empty, "I need you more now than ever... I miss you so much."

I'm not sure if I expected to get some clarity out of this or just to get it off my chest but I felt a little relived. She would have been the one person I would have gone to if she were still here, so it was only the right thing to do now.

The drive back to Los Angeles was a quiet one. I tried listening to the radio but it only made me cry even more. There was either a song that made me cry or hearing his voice. I guess this is what I deserve for dating a client. This is the payback that I get and I have to deal with it.

I had convinced myself that they best place for me to be was in the office. I know that I had to handle this sex tape situation. I knew I had to talk to the police and I had to pray that the press hadn't heard a thing about it yet.

The office was buzzing about something but it didn't sound like any of my clients were involved. Maybe I had got lucky and this was going to stay out of the press. Doubtful. Highly doubtful but I can sure hope so.

Tracey met up with me in the hallway leading to her office. "LAPD will be here around nine and they need the copy of the DVD."

"Justin has it. I will have him get it over here as soon as possible."

"I will handle it. Don't even worry about it... how are you doing this morning?" She asks as we enter her office.

"I went to my mother's grave this morning, does that explain how I'm doing..."

"You are the last person something like this should happen to. How is Justin dealing with it all?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "You would have to call and ask him that."

"You haven't spoken to him?" She sounded surprised.

"Not since I gave him his ring back last night."

"Emily... why? Over the sex tape... these things happen. He is a celebrity."

"It is because of the tape but not because of the tape." I shake my head and attempt to clarify. "I asked him bluntly if he slept with her and he said no. He said no. Then the tape contradicted what he said to me... and you know what he never defended himself. He just stood there."

"Maybe he was shocked?" she asked.

"Are you on Team Timberlake?"

"God no... I'm trying to take all this in."

"I'm trying not to think about dinner for one. I'm trying not to think about not hearing I love you's from him anymore..." I'm a strong girl I have done it pretty well for thirty years, I think I can handle a couple more.

"Emily... I'm just so sorry. I wish there was something I could do to make this go away."

"Me too."

I had really become very happy with my life. I loved him and I loved being with him, but was obviously not supposed to happen. There were other plans for me in this life.

            As I approach my office I see Cheryl trying to wave me down while she is on the phone. So I stopped and wait for her to finish her conversation. As I stood there, I felt like there was someone staring at me from behind me.

"Em." I felt the goose bumps form over my entire body and a chill run down my spine. It was his voice. Why hadn't I thought they he would come here? He knew I would still go to work.

I whispered, "Justin. Please go." He was dressed in the very same clothes he was in last night, the quick glance I got of his eyes looks like he hasn't slept at all. I scuffled passed him brushing up against him ever so slightly sending shock waves down my body to get into my office. I walked over to my desk dropping the things out my hands. I hear the door close. I felt the weakness of my knees begin to crumble. Before I could grab a hold of the desk I felt his arms wrapped around my stomach. He had prevented me from hitting the floor.

I ripped his hands from around my waist. "I don't need you to save me."

"Emily, don't do this." He begged.

"Don't do this?" I was angry now, "You did this. You fucked up."

"You promised you wouldn't run."

"And you also promised not to lie to me. I guess we both can't do what we promised each other."

"It's not like that. I just... I ... "

"Justin your excuses will get nowhere with me. So you can either leave willingly or I will have you removed from my office. I'm sure the press would love a photo of you being removed from your ex fiancé office."

"Fuck that I don't care what happens to my career. I just want to talk to you. You left last night without allowing me to say anything."

I interrupted him with such sternness in my voice. "NO, Justin you stood there caught with your dick between your legs in a lie and you find out way out of it. You could have said a hundred different things a hundred different ways but you chose not to. So please, just leave."

"Will I ever get the chance to explain myself?"

"It's doubtful. Now please go. I have an enormous mess to clean up from your fuck ups."

"I didn't know she was filming that. I swear I would have never..."

"Justin." I hissed, pointing at the door as I continue to look straight at my computer monitor that wasn't even on yet. "The door is behind you."

Tears start to roll down his face.  "Every fiber of my being will always be in love with you."

"Justin." I said, as he paused hoping to hear the same thing. "Tracey needs that DVD for the police, please make sure she gets that this morning and shut the door behind you." I look back at my computer screen, hoping he would walk out the door and when he did I felt a piece of my heart break again.

            Los Angeles police department arrived shortly after Justin left my office. I had no time to get my feelings and emotions in check before they got there. I must have appeared to be an emotional wreck when they got there.

"Ma'am we can reschedule this meeting if something else has come up."

"No, this needs to be taken care of. It needs to be over with as soon as possible."  I clear my throat and prepare myself for all the questions.

The police officer looked down at his paperwork and begins his questions. "What is your relationship with both parties?"

"Nicole Cunningham was an employee until last week. She was fired for not following a confidentially agreement. Justin is my fiancé." I knew that if I would have said wasn't my fiancé the firestorm behind it would be worse.

"And where is he?"

"I would assume at his house. I'm not quite sure to that answer."

"He should be here."

"Sir, I'm not sure if you are aware of whom he is... but he is a very high profile person and this would be damaging to his public image. I would like to keep this as quiet as possible."

"I understand our concern. We will have to see him though to file a report."

Tracey interrupts me, "I will get him, just give me a few minutes." She looks over at me and mouths, "I'm sorry."

Just moments later he walks back into my office. I sit back and listen to what he has to say , taking it all in.

"I had no idea she was filming this. That very night someone slipped something into my drink. I was supposed to be the designated driver. I had one jack and coke and was going to drive home but I didn't feel well so I called a cab, but then this person that I recognized, however I didn't know the name of said she would take me home. I didn't think I would be going back to her place nor did I think I would wake up at her house the next morning."

"Did you see her again after that sir?" the officer asked.

"No, I ended up taking time off from work and staying at my beach house to recollect my thoughts."

            He disappeared when I joined Shinetime That's where he was...

"Did you have an argument with someone that night?"

"No, I had broken up with my girlfriend, weeks prior but not big deal. I had only been at the bar that night for maybe two hours before I felt sick... Why exactly is this important?"

"I just need all the details. Make sure all the facts come together... In the morning, did you know who this woman was, did you remember how you knew her."

"Yes, I still didn't know her name but I knew she worked at my PR firm. I remember seeing her in the office a couple times."

"Do you remember having sex with her?"

"At first I didn't, I couldn't remember anything from the night before. I thought I had when I woke up naked but I hurried out of her place before I could ask any questions."

"Have you had contact with her since then?"

"I pulled her aside at the office the next week and asked what happened and how did things escalated to the extreme that they did and she said that I was really drunk and I wanted to go home with her."

"You don't remember any of that? Are you sure you didn't drink more than one mixed drink?"

"No, I'm certain. I verified it with my best friend who was with me at the time, he said I had one Jack and coke and was very sick. He of all people would know what I was like when I was drunk."

"Do you think that this..." he looks down at his paperwork. "Nicole would slip something into your drink?"

"I never really thought about who had done it. It wasn't something I could take back, it already happened. I should have watched my drink a little closer."

"When you got back to her place did she mention anything about making a sex tape or that she was going to film it, anything that might be close to that."

"I honestly didn't remember much about that night until I saw the DVD. Now that I have..." he closes his eyes, "I remember everything now. I remember saying, I just broke up with my girlfriend I can't do this. But of course I did. The tape is proof of that."

            When I looked up at Justin I noticed how much pain he was in. I tried not to look at him as much as I could. "I went to the doctor the next morning and they verified that I didn't have the flu, food poisoning or anything like that. Then they informed me that I had a drug called, "GHB" in my system. It was a shock to me. That was the last time I went to a bar and didn't keep my glass in my hand the entire night."

"So this tape is from six months ago?"

"Roughly yes."

"Ok. I think I have everything I need. Who should I contact if I have any more questions?"

            I sat up straight in my chair. "Me. I'm his PR Manager. Please go through me first. I need to stress the fact that this was a private matter and it needs to remain private. This was invasion into his privacy and he will proceed with whatever charges that need to be filed."

"Ok Ms. Clarkson. I will have the report filed later today. Vivid Entertainment will be notified to stop any kind of promotion or solicitation of this DVD pending an investigation." He turned to everyone in the room. "Please don't have any contact with Vivid or Nicole Cunningham. It could damage the case."

            The room started to clear and Justin and I were the only two remaining. I suddenly felt like I wanted to comfort him. He wasn't staying in there because he was pressuring me to talk to him; he was lost in everything that just happened. I still loved that man. I still wanted to embrace him and let him express everything to me but I knew I couldn't do that, not just yet at least.

            I walked across the room and sat down next to him on the couch. "I'm sorry I haven't let you explain anything. I'm sorry I ran."

He looks up at me with his eyes red and filled with tears. "I love you. I really had hoped that night was in my past. I was not proud of that moment at all. I had honestly not remembered anything that happened..."

"Justin, I believe that you didn't know. The person I thought Nicole was six months ago when I started here is not the Nicole I know now but at the same time I can't just forgive and forget that lies that you told me. You should have just trusted that I would accept everything from your past and kept moving on for the future."

"So, where does this leave us?" he asked.

I take my hand and place it into his. "I think we need some time apart." I start to have tears fill up in my eyes and start to stream down my face. "I think maybe we moved to fast and we need to take about twelve steps back."

He lifts his hand up to my face and wipes away the tears, "I want to marry you."

"Justin, I would love to marry you one day, but I think that time isn't right now. I need time to make sure this is what I want... I need time to recollect my thoughts. I need time to learn to trust you again."

"I don't know if I can handle not being with you."

"You managed for thirty years, I think you will make it." I joked.

"Does this mean we are done?" he asked with a lump in his throat.

"Do you want it to be done?"

"No, I want to walk out of this office with you right now and crawl into bed together."

"I don't want to see other people if that's what you're asking. I just need some time. I need some alone time. I need some time to think everything through."
            He drops my hand and stands. "I will leave, but just remember one thing..."

"Justin..."

"I will always love you. No matter what your decision is or how long it takes for you to make it, I will wait for you."

I stand to hug him and I feel him hold on for dear life. I can't stop the waterfall of tears. "I love you." I whispered softly. I broke the hug and walked back over to my desk with my back towards him. I felt a piece of my already shattered heart break every further.

He stands in the doorway for a couple moments before dropping his head in shame and heartbreak. He slides on his sunglasses and walks down the hallway to the elevator. I turn in my chair to look out of the glass panels of my office. I think I needed to get out of here and get away. I watch as his car pulls out of the garage and onto the street. He is stopped at the red light; his head on lying on the steering wheel, sobbing.

I didn't want to hurt him, that was the last thing I wanted. However I had to remember to stand my ground. I let a man tare me down and belittle me for way to long. It was going to be different this time. I had to stay strong and do what I thought I had to do. Turning back to my desk I lower my head into my hands. I still couldn't believe the turn of events that had happened in less than twenty four hours.

"Emily."

I look up to see Tracey standing in the door way, knocking slightly to get my attention.

"Come in."

            She sat in the chair across from me, "I'm sorry I had Justin still in the building."

"It's ok. When I sent him away, I just didn't want to see him anymore."

"That man is an emotional wreck, as you are. I didn't want him driving like that. I made him go lay down in my office."

"Thank you for looking out for him."

"What's the game plan now?" she asked.

"Well, I need to get things ready for tomorrow's event, and then I have to attempt to keep this new drama out of the press. Cheryl doesn't handle things the way you used it, so I am getting used to that..."

"Emily, I don't care about any of those things right now. I'm worried about you... and Justin."

"I don't know what I'm going to do, one moment at a time."

"Do you still want to be with him?"

‘Yes."

"So what exactly is the issue?"

"It's my issue. He lie and trusting him in the career that he has is a huge issue. I don't want to have to worry about him being in a different city every night and who is with him."

"He didn't cheat." She stated.

"I know that. It's a huge trust issue now."

"Could I ask something as a friend and not an employee?"

"Of course."

"Was this just a way for you to run?"

Ouch, that was harsh but she had a point. "Maybe... I don't know. That's why I want to sort things out. I need to find out if I'm ok for him."

"I think he just needs you. Nothing else matters to him."

The minutes that turned into hours eventually turned into days. It seemed like it would get easier not seeing him, not hearing his voice, and not feeling the embrace of his arms around me, too bad I didn't have that option. His schedule was back in full force. I was in constant contact with him business wise. I sent him emails everyday and talked to him on the phone a couple times, but for business not personal. For the most part I have disappeared from the outside world. I spend most of the days in my office. Day after day I come into the office early in the morning and leave in the middle of the night. The less time I had to spend alone in my apartment the better. Sleep has become something of a distant memory. I wasn't even sure how I was functioning anymore with the lack of sleep but I was managing.

"Emily?" I heard a voice calling my name but I couldn't seem to put it together. "Emily." I open my eyes to find Tracey standing over top of me. I had fallen asleep on the couch in my office with my computer on my lap.

"Have you been here all night?"

"I guess so." I stand up and attempt to flatten out some of the wrinkles that were in my pants and my top. "I was working late and I must have fallen asleep."

"You are always working late anymore."

"Working clears my mind."

"No, working takes your mind off of everything that is really going on in your life."

            Kicking myself I knew she was right, "I know."

            "Go home, shower, and take a nap whatever you need to. The office will be fine without you for a couple hours. I'm sure you have your work down for the next month anyways." She points at the door, "Go."

            "When exactly did you become my boss?" I asked.

            "The moment you took that ring off your finger and you let your world fall apart." I wasn't used to the stern side of Tracey. She was standing her ground.

            "I love you Tracey, but I highly dislike you right now."

            "That's fine. Go. Go home. I will see you this afternoon."

            I knew that she was right. I needed to go home and at least shower. Wearing the same clothes two days in a row is kind of gross, not to even mention the idea of not showering. I went to my car and drove home to the apartment. It was quieter than normal, maybe I really could get a couple hours of sleep in before heading back into the office. However I stare at ceiling for hours before I decide to just get up and get dressed. My mind wouldn't go into that relaxed mode so I could get any sleep. I guess I could get things done before I fly out tonight.

            I had no work that really needed to get done in the office, but if I was there I could find something that needed to be accomplished. I know the one thing I wanted to do before I left was talk to Justin. Missing calls from Justin were not deliberate; I just simply couldn't catch him at the right moment. I paced around the apartment and when I finally got enough nerve, I returned his call. My leg was nervously shaking against the side of chair. The phone rang six times and just as I was about to hang up, he says. "Hello!" he sounded cheerful and excited.

"Did I catch you at a bad time?" I was hoping he had time. I wanted to hear his voice but it sounded like he had a house full of people.

"No, its perfect timing. I'm just at home."

"Oh, you sounded busy"

"That's the TV. I try to listen to it louder now. It drowns out the emptiness in this house. How are you doing?"

"Managing. Work occupies my time."

"My schedule is about to pick up tremendously. So that will help me...." He got super quiet. "I miss you."

"I miss you to." I said it with a smile on my face.

"I decided that I'm not going to hold that back anymore. I miss you and I want you to know that. I'm not going to burden you with it but I want it out there, loud and clear."

"I want that from you. I need you to be completely up front and honest with me."

"Well since truth is what you want to hear..." he says, and then the line gets quiet.

I begin to get pretty nervous. "Justin, what is it?"

He very slowly and confidently says, "I love you."

I felt myself breathe again, and then a sign or relief escaped.

"Em... are you still there?" He asked, worry that I had hung up the phone.

"Yes... I had to breathe there for a moment. Sorry. I thought... it doesn't matter what I thought."

"It matters, I want to know."

"I thought you were going to say something that I didn't want to hear."

"So, you wanted to hear that I love you."

"I did. I want to hear it every day for the rest of our lives."

"Do you still love me?"

"I still love you. I'm just..." before I could get anything out he interrupts me.

"You don't have to explain anything. That's all I needed to hear." He takes a breathe then asks, "What are your plans for the next couple days, I would love to have dinner with you..." He waits patiently for what her answer was going to be.

"I'm being forced against my will to go on a weekend trip with Lexie to Mexico. Rob is there for work and she wants to spend some time with him and she assumed I needed to get away... but what I don't think she realizes is that I really wanted was to be alone. But I guess I could be alone on the beach. The ocean usually makes me think things clearly a little better."

"Ohh... well I'm glad that you are going to get away. You need that." His tone doesn't seem too happy.

"Well I have to finish packing, my flight leaves in just a few short hours."

"Have a safe flight and a great weekend on the beach."

"Thanks. Have a great weekend... Justin."

"Yes, Em."

"I love you and when I get back I promise you I will have a decision made for you. I promise I will have some clarity."

"Take as much time as you need. I'm not going anywhere... I love you."

The flight was short to Mexico, we were arriving in the early evening so the plan was to meet Rob and go straight to dinner however he was running behind schedule so we went to the hotel and unpacked and I jumped in the shower. I felt like I was washing away a part of my life. I was washing the past away. I was ready to step into the future, whatever that ended up being.

 I step into the closet to pull the suitcase back off the top shelf. I needed my small bag that contained all my makeup, I couldn't find it. I had hoped it was still left in the suitcase. As it slides off the shelf a piece of cardstock paper hits the floor. A knot in my stomach starts to tighten as I follow it with my eyes until it hits the floor. I already knew what it was. How it got there I wasn't sure but my legs crumble beneath me as I sit on the floor, slowly leaning to pick up a simple sheet of paper. The tears begin to stream down my face again. The very note that made me trust take a chance with him, now lies in the palm of my hands.

            I miss the warmth of your smile. I miss the sound of your laugh. I miss your scent. I miss everything about you. I will be here waiting every day until forever if I have to. Take a leap of faith on me. If it's the one time in your life that you do it, please make it with me.

"Emily... oh my, are you ok?" She yells in a panic as she enters the room, seeing my hunched over on the floor.

"I'm fine Lexie." Wiping the tears from my eyes, I begin to stand back on my own two feet.

"You're on the floor crying, you are not ok."

"I'm fine. I found this..." I reached my hand out to hand her the small card.

She looks down at it, "Isn't this card from the lilies he sent you at the office? Why do you have it here in Mexico?"

"I don't know how it ended up in my bags. I thought it was in a box in the closet but somehow it ended up in my suitcase and here with me."

"Maybe it's a sign."

"I miss him, Lex. I miss him so much..."

Finally around 8:00 we got to eat dinner. The restaurant was beautiful but it was over crowded, typical for tourist areas. I loved seeing the relationship that Lexie has with Rob. She finally has been able to accept a man for someone other than a Mr. Right Now. She has become comfortable with the idea of being with him for many years to come. I sure hope she should keep this intact. There was a baby involved now. Not that I think she should be in a relationship she isn't happy in, I just think Lexie needs to grow up a little.

Tonight must have been couples night, as I sit alone on my side of the table. Everyone in that restaurant has someone with them. Looking down at my left hand and finding the ring is not there anymore, is heartbreaking. I wanted that ring back on that finger. I wanted to be his wife. I had to get over whatever this thing was that I couldn't let go of.

I left dinner early, leaving the two of them to spend time together. At least that's what I told them. In reality I wanted to be alone, I wanted to talk to him.

I took a seat in the sand right next to the ocean line. The waves were crashing right at my feet. Staring out into the unknown of that ocean and seeing that it was never ending made me want to be there with him. I wanted to be here sitting with Justin but did I deserve him? He deserved someone that could love him unconditionally and take each fault with each greatness. Could I be that person for him? He deserved someone that loves him.

I picked up the phone and dialed his number, but I just got his voicemail. "Its Justin leave me a message..." it was silent for a moment, I was waiting for the beep then it said, "And if this is Emily I love you." The smile that crept up on my face was unbelievable. I felt the world as I knew it fall at the waste side. Nothing else in the world mattered at that moment. He loved me. My thoughts are gone in my mind. I couldn't even manage to leave a voice mail. Words have disappeared from my vocabulary.

The clear skies and the ocean line gave me clarity that I had never had before. I knew what I had to do.

Bright and extra early I find myself walking into a Starbucks location that I normally don't go to. I usually stop at the one that is next to the office but I needed a change. That mini-trip to the beach was exactly what I needed. I knew what I had to get accomplished today and I knew how this day would end.

Standing in these long lines in the morning are the worst but the coffee is worth the wait. I order my coffee and wait. The world was looking up once it was finally in my hands. I felt a sense of accomplishment over a simple cup of coffee. As I turn to walk out of the front door I see a man that looks familiar sitting in a dark back booth typing away on his computer. I walk closer and his face is clearer now. I sit down quietly in the booth without him even glancing up at me. "Justin!"

He doesn't look up at first, maybe he thought he had imagined that I was sitting there. When his eyes finally glance up he sees that it's actually me sitting there.

"Em." He says it with a sigh of relief but I can hear the pain that still resides in his voice.

"How are you?" I asked.

"I manage to get through the weekend without you."

"I told you, you could do it." I lower my coffee onto the table reaching my hand across the table and shut the laptop that he typing away on.

"Hey, I was writing something."

"I think what I have to say is a little more important."

His face lights up with excitement. "And..."

"I love you. I really love you."

"I love you to."

"We both screwed up. I shouldn't have ran. I should have let you explain. But you made choices you shouldn't have, however everyone has a past. It's just how we chose to deal with the past in the present that changes our lives. I want to be your wife. I want to wake up next to you every day for the rest of our lives."

"Are you saying, what I think you're saying?"

"I need you to be beyond honest with me. I want to know the stupid things; I want to know the serious things..." I stand up in front of him, leaning down to his face, "I want to marry you... I love you." I leaned in to kiss him and he pushes me back.

Cocking his head sideways, "All in?"

"All in. No running, I prom..." his lips are smashing against mine before I could finish the sentence.

            When our lips finally part he shuffles around in his pocket. Lifting his hand into the air, "I believe this is yours." He holds in his hand, my ring.

"Do you carry around a couple hundred thousand dollar ring with you all the time, hoping a pretty girl says yes?"

"Only one girl and she said yes!"

            He slipped that ring back on the finger where it belonged, it felt so right. He lifted me into his arms and began to spin around. The world around us didn't exist anymore. Which wasn't the best choice, we had to contain ourselves before grabbing our things and running out of that coffee shop.

            Nearly four seconds after arriving at the car, Justin had me pinned against the driver's side of my car. His hands, his hands were all over my body... We instantly knew that it wasn't going to stop with just that. We both jumped into my car and sped as fast as we could to get back to his place. He gently held my hand as he drove. Caressing the side of my hand that reassured me how much this man cared. Our hands fit together. It was a simple gesture that makes my world perfect with him.

            Every piece of clothing was shredded as we walk through those doors. I jump onto him and latched my legs around his waist as we walk up the stairs, hoping to at least make it up the stairs. Dropping me onto the bed he climbs on top of me. Staring up into his eyes, I see my future, I see my husband, I see the father of my children. It's a clarity that I had never had before. I could imagine him as my husband but I couldn't see the reality of it until that moment. I see him in every involvement of my life. I wrap my hands around his jaw line to hold him steady for just a moment. "I love you" I said as I slowly brought his face down to meet mine; I was trying to breathe in every moment with him like it was the first time all over again.

            Moments after exhaustion set in I lie there in his arms hoping I wasn't dream and that this has all really did just happen. The clock on the nightstand was brightly showing that I was late for work. My phone had been ringing off the hook but I didn't want to get up off that bed. I was content just where I was, but I knew I couldn't do that. I had to be responsible and get my ass in the office. I thought Justin had fell asleep so I lifted his arms slowly and sat up on the bed, looking around the room for my articles of clothing that are probably too wrinkled to even wear now. I don't see anything in here that is mine. I begin to step off the bed, and he pulls me back down next to him.

"I have to go. I'm already late. I'm, sure everyone is in panic mode by now."

"They can manage without you."

"I wish they could."

He was quiet for a moment, "Move in with me."

"Seriously?" I asked with a smile on my face.

"Yes. We will have to move eventually anyways when we get married. And I don't want to spend another night without you right next to me."

"I will move in with you." I said, calmly.

"With no argument?"

"I have nothing to argue over. I want to live with you. I want to wake up next to you every morning."

"I love this side of Emily... I just love you."

"I just love, you."

"I'm out of town this weekend through Tuesday, we can do it then?" he asked.

"I will arrange for the movers."

"We are seriously doing this..."

"Why wouldn't we be?"

"I just wouldn't have thought a couple hours ago that I would be lying in bed with you, with my ring on your finger, talking about moving in together." He takes my hand and lifts it up so he could see the ring on my hand.

"Everything happens for a reason."

"What will you do with your apartment?"

"I bought that apartment with my sign on bonus. I will rent it to someone... maybe Lex. She needs a new place for her and the baby. Her apartment is tiny."

"Sounds great. Now... crawl back into this bed."

"Justin." 

"Okay. Okay. You can go to work but we are going to dinner at 7:00 sharp..."

"Fine, you twisted my arm Mr. Timberlake." I laughed at him and shimmied out of the bed and tracked myself down the stairs to find the rest of my clothing.

            I couldn't believe how scattered they were. I really didn't think they could end up in the places they did. I slide my panties on the moment I find them. I lean down to pick up my skirt and I hear the front door that is directly in front of me start to open. The door opened quicker than I could move.

"JUSTIN!!! I'm here! Where the hell are you? I waited at that damn coffee shop for over an hour." I slowly look up to see Justin's best friend walks through the door as I stood in just a pair of panties. "Wow. It's nice to see you again Emily."

            "FUCK." I said, as I manage to cover up the top half of my body with the clothing I gathered from the floor as my face turns a deep shade of red.

He reached out his arms in attempt to hug me but then he realizes that I can't move a single inch. "I take it things are worked out between the two of you seeing as you are naked in his house."

            "I... I... will go get Justin." I took off up the stairs not even caring that he was seeing my entire backside. Only me, would something like this happen to.

            I entered the room as Justin was pulling up his sweatpants over his boxer briefs. "Your best friend just got here... and found me downstairs..." I motioned to the fact that I was still naked, "like this."

            He smiles and chuckles. "That's good ol' Trace for you. He always has perfect timing."

"I have to go. I'm so late and slightly embarrassed. Can Trace take you to your car?"

"I love you, don't worry about it and I will talk to Trace about using his key. Have a great day at work. Hopefully I won't be a pain in your ass today."

"I guess I better get used to you being a pain in my ass." I straightened out my shirt. It was only slightly wrinkled.

Justin walks by me and smacks my ass. "I will give you a pain in the ass..."

            I had missed four calls from Tracey and it looked like I had two missed calls from Cheryl. I knew the office was going to blow up my phone. I was officially forty-five minutes late for work and I'm typically in the office at least an hour before everyone else. The traffic was a nightmare trying to get back downtown. I literally parked my car in the garage and my phone was ringing again. It was Tracey.

"I'm on my way. I just... had some things to take care of this morning." I said in to the phone before she could say anything to me. "Give me two minutes. I will be right there."

            When I got off the elevator she was standing at the end of the hallway tapping her foot. Then suddenly her foot slows its pace and her body stiffens, she stops tapping her foot and her face drops. I had no clue what was going on but she looked like she was about to drop something yet again into my lap. As I get closer to her I see the smile on her face get bigger and bigger. "Emily Clarkson. I think you have some explaining to do." She glances down at my left hand.  "Is that what I think it is?"

"Well if you think it is my engagement ring, you are correct."

"When? How? Wow... it doesn't matter. Congratulations." She starts to do that giddy happy dance.

"I just decided he makes me happy, truly over the moon happy. He is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with... He stole my heart and won't let go."

"Finally.  I'm so happy for you... for both of you."

"Thanks. Was there something you needed when you called this morning?"         

"I have completely forgotten why I was calling you so much..." She looks like she is raking her brain hard core. I had seriously blindsided her and she doesn't get blindsided very often. Her face relaxes, "Oh I remember. There is a Chad here to see you. He has been here almost an hour. He said he is a close friend and it was urgent that he sees you."

"Chad Harrington?" I drop my head and the joy that was on my face was gone.

"I'm sorry I don't know his last name. Is it bad that he is here?"

"Yes." Chad. Chad. I don't want to see him again. I don't want to ever see him again. "Will you have security on alert on this floor?"

"What's going on?"

"He is my ex-boyfriend whom I left and he won't get over it."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. I will get them up here around you office now."

            I took a deep breath and opened my office door.

            In my chair I see the one person that I never wanted to see again.

I never thought I would turn into a cold hearted person. I was always the one that made sure everyone else was happy first. I was never the one to worry about myself. Well time and pain has changed that for me. I may only be thirty years old but I have had my fair share of pain and life lessons. They have been some things I wouldn't wish upon anyone, not even someone that hurt me. So when I see him lounging in my chair, with his feet on my desk, in my office I begin to have flames shooting out of my head. I wanted to shove his feet causing him to tumble to the ground, but I didn't, however I could care less why he is here.

"Get the fuck out of my office. Get the fuck out of my life. Why can you not understand that?" My hands are flying all over the place.

"Babe... I need you." He says as he drops his head.

"Do not fucking call me babe. I'm not your babe. I want you to leave right now."

            He stands and comes around the desk, stepping closer to me. He reaches out for my left hand. "What the fuck is this?" He starts to scream, with every second getting louder. "Did that fucking asshole propose to my woman?"

With as much force as I had, I ripped my hand out of his, "Don't fucking touch me."

He reaches out again trying to grab me by the waist.  "I need you."

I step back further. "You never needed me. You just wanted someone you could walk all over. I'm not that person."

"Em. My mother died."

Karma's a bitch. I couldn't care. Even as much as I think I should, I can't. "Don't call me Em. You never earned the right to call me Em. You will get over it..." I said cold heartedly, "You need to leave."

He was calm for a moment then I saw the same look on his face that I had seen so many times. I knew it was coming. "CHERYL!" I yelled. "Get security in here, NOW."

Before I knew it, his hand came up across my face, my head flipped to the side and the burn under the skin started to become present. He had slapped me so hard that it stunned me for a second. I couldn't believe he had done it. I got strength from somewhere and I shoved him against the wall and my foot continuously pounded into his stomach, until he was hunch over on the floor. "You will never touch me again. You will never touch another woman again." Security was in there just moments after I started kicking him. They were pulling me away from him and pinning him on the ground, handcuffing him.

The room starts to spin around. I hit the ground from exhaustion. My entire body was shaking. I can't believe I just hit him. I can't believe he just hit me, again.

"Em. Oh my god. Em. Are you okay?" She asks as she runs into the room.

"I'm fine Tracey." I start to stand back up and she takes my hand to help me up.

"I'm so sorry. I went to go call security. I was only gone a minute." She is rambling, as I interrupt her.

"This isn't your fault. I knew he was capable of something like this. I handled it."

"I think you should go home for the day."

"I'm fine. There is plenty of work to get done." I see that a crowd has gathered outside of my office. "The show is over people, you can go now. Get back to work."

I sit down at my desk hoping to get my comfort zone back. Get my heart rate down and my blood pressure to be normal again. I was still high on adrenaline. Tracey left and returned with an icepack. She seriously was a great friend to me. But I think right now, at this very moment, I may hurt her. She called Justin. I can see him running down the hallway through the office.

"Where is she? Where is Emily?" He says frantically.

I step out of the office. "Justin. I'm right here."

I can hear him breathe for probably the first time since he got the phone call to get over here as he hugs me. "Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"

"I'm fine. I'm sure my face will be bruised later but it will heal."

He pulled away from me, "He hit you?"

"Yes. Right across my face, but I'm fine."

"You can tell me that till your blue in the face, I'm not going to believe you."

"I swear to you, I'm ok. It's sore and a little red but it's something that will go away with time."

"I'm going to kill that mother fucker."

I took his hand, "Justin its over. Let's just forget about it."

"I'm sorry I can't do that." he says as he shrugs his shoulders.

"I will do everything I can legally but there isn't much we can do other than that."

"I can hurt him, make him feel more pain than he has ever felt before."

"Justin," I take his hand. "He isn't worth you going to jail or hurting your career for that. He just isn't worth it."

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked again.

"Justin. I'm fine."

"Let's go home."

"I have work that needs to get done."

"Then I'm staying here. I need to know with my own two eyes, or four with my glasses that you are ok. My computer is in your car where I left it. I will get it and be right back."

"Justin, you don't have to do this."

"Hush. You took care of me, now let me take care of you."

"That was different. You were really hurt."

"Don't argue with me Ms. Clarkson, you should know by now I will win."

I shook my head, knowing he would stay regardless of what I wanted so I might as well suck it up and give into him. "Fine."

"That's what I thought."

He leaves my office and runs down the hallway. I drop my head onto my arms on the desk, staring at the wood grain of my desk.

Damn, what a day. Not exactly how I thought it would end.

"He really does love you."

I slowly lift my head to see who was in my office trying to talk to me. I could see the dark hair and the short stature of a man standing in the doorway. After fully lifting my head I see it's Trace. "He does. I know that."

"You won't hurt him right? Because that man has had his heart broken so many times, he deserves someone that just simply loves him unconditionally..."

"I love him." I smile to myself just thinking about him, "We had our issue but it's been dealt with. I will marry him and I will spend forever with him."

"I like you. I think that you both are perfect together... I just want my best friend to be happy. I knew the moment I first heard him say your name that this was something different for him"

"I understand and I respect that. I would never want him to be in a relationship if he wasn't happy. Even if it was me he was unhappy with."

"And I won't lose my best friend..." he questions.

"I would never keep him from you. The only bad thing is you will have to put up with me... that may be your only challenge."

He winks at me, "I think I can handle you."

"Bring it on short man." I joked.

"You really are perfect for him. He already has you cracking the short jokes."

"You'll have that."

"Sorry about this morning. I shouldn't have just walked in. I promise I will knock next time... even though I have a key."

"If you don't knock, I don't know what you are going to see when you walk through that door."

He laughs, "Yeah I witnessed that first hand this morning... I can't imagine what I would have seen it I was five minutes earlier."

"No, you don't know want to know."

He was silent for a moment, "I'm glad he has you."

"I think that's a compliment so thank you. I'm glad that he chose to be with me. I'm a happy woman with him."
            The police had been here twice to get statements and to make sure everything was in line for the charges that needed to be filed. A restraining order had been issue for him to stay away from me; I just hope that it works.

The day seemed to fly by. Lunch came and gone and then the next thing I knew people were saying good night. I did get a lot accomplished in the hours that I was in the office. I wasn't however looking forward to stepping out of this office. I can see the paparazzi outside the office, just lined up waiting for myself or Justin to leave.

He sat in that office the entire day, working away on his computer. Typing then glancing up at me. Smiling and returning to his computer. He was so adorable sitting at his desk that he made with my filing cabinet. He seemed content just sitting there. Arguing with him wasn't going to get me anywhere so it would be pointless for me to do it.

When he started to get restless of just sitting in the office I noticed his fidgetiness and I could see the way he was constantly moving around on the chair, I knew he was ready to get out of here. The least I could do was leave the office at a fairly normal hour for him. He did spend the entire day in an office that he didn't have to be at.

"You ready to go?" I asked before closing my computer and putting it in the bag it belonged in.

"Yea, I'm ready. Let's go, I'm starving."

Shit, I forgot about dinner."Me to."

"You still want to go, don't you?"

"Yes. I'm not going to let him, dictate my life. He isn't going to ruin this day for me."

"Well let's go then."

And go we did. However we didn't get very far. The paparazzi were unbelievable. Just when we think we have seen it all, a mob of photographers surprise us ever more. I had forgotten to check my face before I left. I didn't want to see it the entire day but that was a mistake on my part. Justin didn't say anything so I guess maybe I assumed it was ok. I knew better. They started screaming questions at me. "What happened to your face? Who hit you? Has that rough sex gotten too much for you? When's the wedding? When did you get back together?" Flashes were none stop. I pushed my way through the crowd and finally made it to my car. Justin opened the door pushing back two guys that wouldn't budge. "Come on man. Let her get in the car." Justin says with a slight attitude. Finally he makes it over to the driver's side and sighs. "I hate this part of the job. This is the worst part of everything to do with this industry."

I dropped down the mirror in the car and for the first time I see a nice fist size bruise right across my cheek bone. How is it that a man knows exactly where to hit a woman and make it count, seems like something is wrong with that. It was not nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. I expected a giant hand size dark purple mess. I guess I was slightly relieved but I felt embarrassed as I sit there staring at the mark he had left on me.

A single tear started to run down the exact side of my face, right over that bruise.

Until now the press didn't have a clue about the sex tape. They are only now getting wind of it due to the indictment that went down this morning. Nicole has finally got what was coming to her. Flipping the TV, hoping to catch some of the local news but the first thing I see in the opening headline was Nicole walking into Los Angeles County Jail in handcuffs. As great as that was, the downward spiral of it was Justin's name was attached to those charges, which in turn means more work for me.

"Good Morning Los Angeles. It's a busy day in the entertainment business for Justin Timberlake's camp. However they are being super quiet today after the incident that happened at his fiancés office earlier this week and then today having a former public relations agent from Shinetime, who used to work for Emily, arrested for Invasion of Privacy. Allegedly, Nicole Cunningham had video tapped Justin having sex with someone without his knowledge and attempted to sell it to Vivid Entertainment. Maybe this was a way for Justin to get back at Emily for leaving him? Maybe the reason Emily left him was because he cheated and she saw this tape? Maybe this was Justin being Justin and trying to find a way out of actually settling down and getting married...  All charges are pending, but as you can see she was arrested early this morning. I guess Justin should be counting his lucky stars that he has an amazing PR Manager to keep this all quiet. But that was for her own benefit considering she is his fiancé ..."

            Ugh. I slammed down the hair straightener. I really hated when they put words in my client's mouths, but when they make me look like the bad guy and that I wasn't doing my job, it just makes me furious. I picked up the phone and called directly to that news station.  They of course send me into a voicemail of the president of the news network.

"My name is Emily Clarkson and I'm calling in regards to the newscast this morning involving my client, Justin Timberlake. Calling me for a statement will most likely get you one. If you don't attempt to get any kind of statement from me, that is your network failing to do their job properly. I find it offensive that the entire statement you gave this morning is what you thought should have been said. The allegations are being dealt with the way they should be, through the legal system and if that doesn't work we will move the issue into another category. I will not under any circumstances comment in order to get more recognition for something that is clearly illegal. For your future reference, please contact my office for a statement. Have a great day."

            Now that they day has started off so well, I guess I should go into the office. I didn't want to leave Justin this morning because I knew he wouldn't be here when I got home. Home. This was only my home for a couple more days.

I wanted to wake him so badly but he looked so peaceful sleeping. I love the content look that he always has on his face when he is sleeping. I kiss him on the forehead, wiping my gloss off of his forehead gently. I leave a note on my pillow for him.

Save a safe flight. See you in a couple days. I love you. -Em

The sun was shining brightly as the sun begins to rise over the L.A skyline. Coffee in hand I step onto the elevator and ride up to the office floor. Let the fun begin. The first thing I see is Cheryl sitting at her desk in tears attempting to hide it from me.

"Is there something wrong Cheryl?"

"No." she says still stifling.

"Cheryl... there is something wrong with you. Do you need to go home?"

"No." She says as she turns back to her computer never even looking at me.

"If you need to talk to someone, I can listen."

She doesn't respond. She continues to work. She reminds me of myself pre-Justin. I didn't like anyone knowing that I wasn't ok. I was supposed to be the strong one but I have learned over time that sometimes it needs to be set free. Sometimes just saying the words out loud makes it easier to deal with.

I sat in my chair all morning working diligently before zoning off into a place that I didn't want to think about. Justin was leaving me for the entire weekend. I was going to pack my entire apartment alone and move into a giant house that I would spend a lot of alone time in. I wanted to move in with Justin, I didn't want to be in that big house by myself while he was out of town.

He would be starting a world tour soon and I knew that he was going to be gone a long time. The tour would span over at least twelve months. I needed to work out a schedule where I could see him at least once a week. His schedule has already picked up tremendously and with each day it gets busier and busier. Tour rehearsals were going to start in just a couple weeks...

My thoughts were interrupted by a light knock on the door and it slowly opens.

"Emily." Cheryl walks in looking even more distraught.

"Come in and sit." I said as she shuts the door and sits in front of me. The tears start to stream down her face.

"What's wrong? And don't play that I'm fine crap... what is wrong?"

"I... I... enjoy my job and I don't want to leave you but... I know that you need someone to be there for whenever you need me and I can't be that person anymore."

"Cheryl what is going on that you are not telling me?"

"I can't be that person for you anymore."

"Are you quitting?" I asked.

"I don't think I have another option."

"Cheryl, I think you need to explain everything to me."

She sits for a moment fidgeting with her hands she looks up at me with water flooding out of her eyes. "I'm pregnant."

"And..." I asked and she looked a little confused, "I'm not going to get rid of you because you are pregnant."

"I will not be able to be at your beckon call anymore. If I have to come in on Saturday's or Sunday's I'm not going to be able to find a sitter at the last minute or anything that I'm used to just getting up and going."

"I'm not going to let you quit because of this. Where is the father?" I asked when I know I shouldn't have.

"He... he... he doesn't want kids. He said this is my responsibility now."

"WHAT?" I said shocked. "Who is this fool?"

"He was someone that I had been with for nearly four years. It's not like we were in a new relationship or anything. We had talked about marriage... buying a house... having kids one day... I don't know why he is reacting this way."

"Not that he deserves an excuse, but could he have been shocked?"

"Well we both were... This wasn't something I planned. We have been sitting on this news for at least two weeks... and then..." she stopped trying to catch her breath, "... he asked to meet me last night to discuss our ‘problem'. When I finally got to see him to talk about this last night he basically said I had to choose him or the baby."

"He what?" I stand up and walk around the desk sitting next to her.

"I of course, chose the baby. The baby doesn't get to choose whether it wants to live or not so why should I get to choose for it..."

"I'm so sorry..." I didn't know what to say to her. "You are not leaving this company. You are not quitting as my assistant. There is going to be a lot changing over the next couple months and I'm going to need you. Trust me when I say everything will be fine."

"You would want me to stay on as your assistant even thought I won't have the time that I used to have?"

"Cheryl, your choice to have this baby is yours and yours alone. But just because you are having a baby doesn't make me want to fire you. That's something we will work around."

"Really?"

"Honest. The next couple months are going to be super busy but also with a lot of changes. So if you want to continue to work here, I want to keep you."

"I wasn't sure if you would want someone that had attachments in this position... I didn't think it would matter to you if I was going to stay or not."

"Am I that harsh of a boss?"

"No, you just have a demanding job. I didn't want to prevent you from anything that needed done."

"Well then it's settled. You are staying. Now do you want to take the rest of the day off?"

"No, I have a lot of work today... thank you for everything." She says.

"You're not thanking me for anything. You have proven yourself here... you deserve to at the very least have options."

An hour later I'm sitting at my desk, again, when a huge bouquet of flowers comes barreling through the door. I receive baskets of flowers all the time from studios and magazines thanking me for something but I knew this one was different I knew that these flowers were not from someone trying to suck up.

The gentleman delivering the flowers sits the vase on the desk and I see the card. I pull it out and see my name wrote on the front in his neat, all capitalization hand writing.

I know that you are a lilies kind of woman, but I wanted to express the love I have for you with the deep red roses. With each rose petal know it's a moment that I'm thinking of you...I love you.

                                                                                                            J

As the lump in my throat becomes clearer, he walks out of the room and come back in with yet another vase full of red roses... and another... There had to be a couple hundred roses in the vases.

I love that man, I mumbled to myself. I am a lucky woman that's for sure.

I pick up and call him. Knowing his flight should have just landed at the airport. Hoping he picks up.

Ring... Ring... Ring... "Hello my beautiful fiancé."

"I love you. I love you. I love you."

"I love you"

"The roses are beautiful. You really didn't have to waste the money on them."

"I would have bought more but that's all they had in the flower shop. I wanted you to know that every moment I'm here I will be thinking of you."

I got quiet, trying to think why on earth I ended up with such a man.

"Em... "

"I'm here... I just don't know how I ended up with someone like you."

"Everything happens for a reason... I love you."

"I will let you go I know you are probably headed to your appointments, thank you for the flowers I love you and I am counting down the moments till you are back in my arms."

"I wish I wasn't here but work is work... I love you so much."

"Who knows when you get home I may be in our bed, covered in only deep red rose pedals..."

‘Woman... I have to go... don't make me get right back on a plane..."

"I love you... now go make me some money honey!"

Hours later I'm surrounded by a sea of brown boxes. All marked for the appropriate location. I was nervous thinking about leaving what I was used to... what I had become accustom to. I was about to move into his house with his things. It was all new to me. I'm used to having my own space. If I wanted to get away I would go home to my apartment. If I wanted to not see someone that was in my space I would tell them to leave. This whole moving thing isn't going to be so much fun. It's a huge change. Could I even handle it? Could I live in his house with his things? Could I really do something like this? Could I really give up everything?

"Emily, honey... Emily..."

            I hear the voice but there is no way I am actually hearing it. The voice I know very distinctively. I turn my head quick to see if there was someone behind me. Maybe there was someone in this apartment that I wasn't aware of. There was nothing. I must have just imagined hearing the sound of her voice. I have got to be going crazy...

"Where are you Em?"

            I heard it again. I knew that this time I wasn't imagining it. I jumped to my feet and ran out of the bedroom heading towards the kitchen. The open floor plan of this apartment makes it easy to scope out most of the apartment with one glance.

            There was no one. The apartment was empty. Really empty. The move crew came this morning and moved most of the boxes. The only thing that was left was furniture I was leaving behind for Lexie and personal things that I was going to take myself. Shaking it off I continue to pack up the most precious things I own. My mother's belongings. The only items I ever kept. The ones that meant the most to her.

            Until now I haven't opened and looked at the contents of this box. I could never handle the fact that this was all I had left of her. Holding in my hand, the one thing she always had with her. She said that it was her good luck charm. A ring that she always wore... there was never a day that I can remember her not wearing it, expect the day she died. I didn't even notice that she wasn't wearing it. It became one of those things that it was so common to see it you didn't even see it anymore. I found it weeks later on the kitchen counter next to a post it that said, "I promise I will be on time." A note that she had left for me when she left for work that morning. I rub my thumb over the indentation in the paper that the pen made with her perfect cursive handwriting. If I wouldn't have been in such of a black hole the weeks and months that followed her death I would have made sure she had that ring with her, for eternity. But maybe I was supposed to have it.

            A picture that was taken of us at the event party the night she died was too much to handle. I had been given this photo and I tucked it away not want to see it and to this day, I can't look at it. She really was someone that I never wanted to part with. I missed her more everyday that passed. I placed the top back on the box and placed it on the floor.

 "Emily honey... Em where are you?"

            A chill runs down my spine as I hear that again in my head... it had to be in my head. How else would I be hearing my mother calling out to me? I need to sleep. I had been up for nearly twenty four hours. I needed to sleep or a mental evaluation.

"Em... "

            I close my eyes hoping that the voice stops. That whatever this cruel world was doing to me would just stop.

"Em... "

            I know that I'm not a sane person by any means of the word but I knew that I was hearing her voice. It was clear as if she was standing next to me. Knowing I wasn't going to get any sleep with all these thoughts running non-stop through my head I decide that this is pointless. I sit up too quick because I could have sworn I saw my mother standing right in front of me. I close my eyes and begin to rub the temples on my forehead.

What was wrong with me today?

"Em... quit being so stubborn and look up at me. Don't over analyze anything just listen to me..."

I really was officially crazy now. Justin Timberlake was about to marry crazy girl. Certifiably crazy. The voice wouldn't stop though. The vision of my mother standing at the edge of my bed has to be a sure sign of it.

"Em, I have missed the warmth of your smile. I miss the sound of your laugh. I miss your scent. I miss everything about you. My darling daughter I will be here waiting every day until forever if I have to..." she laughed. Her laugh was something I missed terribly. "You don't think he came up with that all on his own did you? Ok so maybe he did, but it's the exact thing I wanted to say to you. He is just better with words than I ever was..."

Tears are steaming down my face. I wanted to believe she was there. I wanted to believe she has ‘come to me' and she was here to tell me something... "How? Why?..." I asked.

"You think things through too much my darling Em. I need you to know that I'm ok. I'm better than okay, I'm happy. I'm happy that I get to see you truly happy. I get to see you with the love of your life. He is a great man. You chose well. But things are going to change, there is going to be a change. I need you to be ready for it and I need you to stand next to the man that has falling madly in love with you. He is a great man. He loves you. Remember that. Emily. Remember that he loves you and you will get through anything if you stand next to each other."

I shake my head at her, what was she talking about?

"I know you have a very rough time with this. I know that you have beat yourself up about the way things ended up that night on the way home but I need you to know that this was just the way life was supposed to happen. Everything happens for a reason. You were supposed to continue with your life, you have so much life left to live. Remember nothing is impossible. The one thing you thought was never a possibility is closer than you think. Look at the picture Em... look at it closely. I love you my darling daughter, I have to soar now..."

What picture? What was she talking about?

"Mom!" I screamed as I exhaled a deep breath and sat up straight on the bed. I was dreaming. Phew.

Just then I heard my phone ringing. I couldn't even think straight when I answered the phone.

"He-llo." I said.

"Hey babe, I just landed... I should be there in about twenty minutes... do you want me to pick up some dinner since we have a lot to get finished tonight?"

I still not really focusing on what he was saying... I had her words running through my mind.

Look at the picture Em... look at it closely.

"Em. Are you there?  Do you want me to get dinner?" he asked.

I snap out of that zone, "Yes. Dinner is fine."

"Em honey what's wrong?" He asked, worried.

"I... I just had the weirdest dream..."

"Was it about some nerdy hot guy getting the smokin' hot girl to move in together?"

"Funny Justin... no"

"What was it about  babe?"

"My mother..."

"Oh." He said a little scared to ask anything else.

"She was trying to tell me something... but in so many words..."

"Was she warning you of something?"

"Yes... something about you actually... she just kept saying something is going to change but never saying if it was good or bad..."

"Maybe she was just saying that this move and this marriage is a good thing."

"Maybe... It's just..." I started to cry even more.

"Babe, don't cry. I'm on my way." He says.

"I have never dreamed of her... not since she died."

"She was just trying to tell you she was ok... that everything is fine."

I wipe the tears that are running down my face, "She sounded worried..." Stand next to the man that has falling madly in love with you.

"I will be there in just a couple minutes. We can order a pizza or something..."

"Justin... I'm fine. This is just a lot to take in. Get whatever you want for dinner... I will be here waiting. How was your trip? Everything turn out okay?"

"If that's what you want, it's fine with me.... Everything went fine in New York... just work. Getting ready for everything that is about to happen."

Trying not to think about anything I continue a conversation about work. "Your schedule is about to get extremely busy. We need to talk about that as well when you get home."

"I don't know what I'm going to do being on tour without you." I could see him with his lower lip puckered up pouting.

"Yea, that's going to be an issue for us both. We need to discuss it." I said, knowing exactly what I wanted to do.

"Ok, I will see you in a few minutes..."

            Her words wouldn't stop running through my head. She has said so much in just a few sentences... I couldn't help but be stuck on this photo. What photo was she talking about? I lifted the lid back off the box to reveal the photo I haven't been able to look at.

I held onto it with the tightest grip. Staring at her beautiful eyes, the way her hair fell into her face, her flawless skin, and the pure joy on her face. The dress she had chosen was the most elegant dress I had ever seen and it look stunning on her. She was glowing from excitement of the night. She and I were standing next to each other, posing for the picture.

I pulled the image closer to me. Who was standing behind me, between my mother and me? There was someone standing there that I had never noticed before. We stood there for at least ten minutes trying to take that picture. That face was someone I knew very well.

 Just feet behind me stood Justin Timberlake, looking directly into the camera and smiling like he belonged in the picture. The tears start to fall like a dam had been let loose. There was a picture of my mother, myself, and my future husband. A picture that I never thought was ever possible.

            The impossible was possible. My mother is in a picture with the love of my life. I really never thought that was a possibility.

            I still had the picture in my hand when Justin came rushing through the door "Em, where are you." He says but all I can here is my mother saying that very line to me... the exact way over and over again in my head. I cover my eyes with my hand, sobbing into them.

He enters the bedroom and sees me on the bed holding tight onto a photo. He drops his bag on the floor and sits in front of me on the bed. "Em... babe... are you okay?"

"Justin..." I said calmly, regaining control of the tears... "The one thing, I would ever have wanted was for my mother to have met you... and selfishly I would have loved for her to love you... And I would have liked her to be in a picture with the two of us. As stupid as it sounds that is all I would have wanted..."

"I'm sorry, I'm really confused... what is going on?" he shakes his head trying to figure out what was wrong with me.

I slowly turned the photo towards him and placed it in his hands.

He looks down at the photo, "That's your mother?" he asked confused as he pointed at the image.

"Yes. That's my mother." I said. "I have never shown a picture of my mother to you have I?"

"No, but you look just like her... I knew I knew you from somewhere... or your face anyways."

"What are you talking about?" I questioned.

"That night at that event, I talked to your mother." He says as I was in a state of shock." We had a conversation for like twenty minutes about her wonderful daughter and how she was so proud of her and that she wished she could find a good guy. The one she was currently with was an asshole." He laughs.  "She was so unhappy that you were with him." He lowers his head, bringing tears to his eyes. "She was such an amazing person. ... In just the twenty minutes I got to spend with her I knew how great she was... I'm so glad I got to meet her..." he trails off.

I couldn't speak. I couldn't wrap my hands around all of this.

"I remember on the way home the next day, talking to my mother on the phone and telling her about this amazing woman I had met and how she reminded me of my own mother... and how I wish I would've met this wonderful daughter of hers that she talked so greatly about."

Everything happens for a reason.

            My mother and Justin had a full conversation... My mother had met the man I thought she would never meet. She had met my future husband. Justin picks the photo back up in his hand. Looking contently at it, a wave of sheer shock goes across his face. "Oh my god... I'm in this photo. I'm standing right there with the both of you."

Trying to laugh at him with tears rolling down my face... "That's what I have been trying to say. You are just now realizing that?"

"I... I... How is this possible?" he lifts the photo closer, looking at it.

"I don't know. This photo was taken by the photographers at the event that night. Weeks later when I returned to work they gave this photo to me and I never looked at it. It was in that envelope and that's where it stayed. I couldn't bear to even look at it."

"I can't believe that I knew you mother... that makes me so..." his eyes start to fill with tears again, "It makes me so happy... wow... I can't believe it."

"I need to get like a hundred copies of this photo made. I never want to lose it." I said.

Justin couldn't stop staring at it... "What made you open the envelope, after all this time?"

"In my dream she said, Look at the picture Em... look at it closely. And the only photo I could think of, was this photo... this was the one photo I had never looked at."

"We didn't take this photo like this did we? We didn't pose together and I not remember it?"

"No, I didn't speak to you that night. To be honest I didn't even know you were there. Why were you there?"

"The event was for public relations individuals in the entertainment business... and Sam thought it would be a good idea if I went with him. I wasn't busy so I went."

"That's where I met Sam. That's where he gave me his card and said, whenever I was ready for something new and challenging to call him."

"So we crossed paths the entire night and never met. That's crazy."

"Everything happens for a reason." I said, quoting my mother.

"I'm glad I didn't meet you that night..." he said still holding onto the photo.

"Me too. I think things would be dramatically different if we would have met that night."

            Once we both finally gained control of our emotions back we were packing what was left. There wasn't much to do. I was supposed to wait on him and he was going to help but being home alone all the time wasn't my favorite thing so I was happy to keep myself busy packing everything up.

            We loaded the last set of boxes up in my car and then sat down to eat our last meal in this apartment. It was a bittersweet moment but I was ready to start over. I needed to let the past be just that and move on with the future.

After throwing away the containers that our food came in, he stretches as a sure sign that he ate too much. "Do you want to stay here tonight or do you want to go home?"

I turn to look at the empty apartment, a smile creeps up on my face, "I want to go home."

"Good." He winks at me "I have a surprise for you."

"A surprise? What could you possibly get me?" I stand hoping he will tell me...

"Something that will make your world spin around."

"Mr. Timberlake... tell me." I demand as I pulled him close to me.

"I will not. It's a surprise, you have to wait." He says before putting his lips onto mine.

            Turning to take a last look at what was my first official apartment, it was the end of an era. I really didn't think I would be leaving this apartment any time soon. I was content there, but Justin had changed everything I thought about life. I knew that if I wanted to be happy, I had to make the decisions to be happy. If this ends up being something that I shouldn't have done, well then I know I was happy at the time and it was the right choice.

            I felt like I was recreating the Friends final episode when they all lay their key on the counter and leave that life behind them. I wasn't leaving my key but it was what I was leaving behind. My singleness, my complete freedom, my past.

Pulling up in front of the house in my car, I sit in there for a moment attempting to take it all in. The house was the same as it had been it just a few days ago but this time when I walked through the front door it wasn't just a house or his house... it was our house. This was a place that we call home now.

I slide my feet out the car, stepping onto the concrete driveway. I bent down to pick up the box laying on the floorboard of the back seat.

"DAMN!" I heard him yell from the step of the front door.

Home.

Justin is standing in the doorway, waiting for me. "You coming in?"

It was a weird feeling that I can't explain that came over me. It was a new beginning and it was against everything I thought was going to happen for the next couple years of my life. "Yes. Just taking it all in." I said.

He smirks with that dirty grin that I love so much and I knew he was thinking dirty thoughts. "I will let you take it all in..."

"I bet you will..." I laughed as I walked towards through front door sliding past him.

I place the box of my mother's things on the table in the entry way, rubbing the top of it ever so slightly. I miss you, I whisper to myself. I get that overwhelming feeling that this is exactly what she would have wanted for me, the love of my life standing next to me as we embark on the rest of our lives.

He stands behind me, wrapping his arms around me as he kissing the side of my neck. "Were home... now come upstairs with me..."

"Am I going to get what I want?"

‘And then some..." he takes my hand and leads me up the grand staircase that circles around, giving full view of the entrance of the front door. He spins me wrong to face him. "Do you remember the first date?"

How could I forget that night? "Of course I do."

"Well specifically do you remember walking in on me damn near naked?"

"Well of course I do, but its kinda vague compared to the memory of you actually naked." I winked at him.

"Hey none of that... I have business to take care of... "

"Oh yes you do and it involves taking me to ecstasy!"

"Stop it!" he says laughing. "I will take care of that business in just a few minutes... I want to give you your surprise first."

"Okay." I said in a pout puckering up that bottom lip.

He shakes his head, "Un-pucker that lip... This is your surprise. You said this was your dream..."

"Justin" I whisper, "That's a white door. I have seen plenty of white doors in my life."

"Hush, smart ass..." He swings open the door. "That is your surprise." He points into the room.

            The room that is now connected with the bathroom and Justin's closet is my very own closet. Shelves and racks for all my clothes and shoes. They are already in all the places they should be. The size of a master bedroom converted into the dream closet.
"You said mine was your dream closet... however I think I did a little better than that." He says, feeling accomplished.

"It's perfect... when did you do this?"

"They finished it last night." He said proudly.

"You hired someone to do this? For me?"

"Of course I did. I had Trace over see the project while I was gone. I have to say they did a damn good job."

"Yes... yes they did." I spin around like I was five years old again and was just given the best gift in the world.

"I told you it would make your world spin!" he says while watching as I enjoy the closet in awe.

I walked back over to him latching my arms around his neck. "Thank you. This... it means so much. It's not just a closet, it was you putting a piece of me into your life. I love you."

"You are very welcome. We are going to live here for a while, I figured I had to give you some incentive to stay with me." he chuckles... "Now I think the only problem with this room is... your shelves look a little empty."

"I guess that means I will have to do some shoe shopping."

"Or... you can simply open that box..." he points to the back of the room. "And see what's it in!"

"You didn't?" The smile is every bigger on my face.

"I didn't. Well I did but I didn't buy them so don't bite my head off."

I rushed across the room to open the box. It was full of all of the upcoming lines for Christian Louboutin, Yves Saint Laurent, Christian Dior, Marc Jacobs, and Giuseppe Zanotti. "Oh my god... these are not even out yet."

"My stylist has been receiving tons of things for you. There is boxes of clothes that were sent over that are..." he points at one of the racks, "there... and there's more at her office. She wants to make sure you want it before she fills your new closet with the stuff."

"Wow, I can't believe that they just send this stuff to you for me."

He coughs, "See, being with me does have its perks..."

            I see that smile on his face that makes me want to jump his bones. I walk over to him slowly placing a gentle kiss on his cheek before moving to his neck, reaching to unbutton the shirt that he had on, one by one I began to see the skin under the skirt. "More than just perks..." Unbuckling the belt he casually wore with jeans, slowly gliding it out of the loops on his jeans. He takes my face into his hands, putting his lips on mine. Moving ever so slightly to my neck before shredding the shirt that preventing us from being skin on skin, kissing my naval as he unbuckles my jeans and letting them fall to the floor. Making it back face to face I whisper in his ear. "How's rough sound to you?" I see the pure joy that runs across his face before the forcefulness starts to overtake him. "I love you" he whispers back before I feel myself being shoved against the wall. Smirking he says, "Is it wrong to want you full of me?"

"Quoting yourself again are you?" I laugh. As I turn him around and slam him against the wall.

            Slowly rising out of bed I know there is something wrong. I can feel stomach turning in all directions. I run into the bathroom thinking, please make it, please make it. I did make it but when I got here it felt like my entire inner lining of my stomach had been thrown up with it.

            My eyes were bloodshot and I felt the room spinning around me. I haven't been sick in so long, I can't remember if this is what it's supposed to feel like. My head was pounding but I had too much to get done today to even think about calling in sick.

Forty-five minutes later I find myself back at that white porcelain bowl. Just when I think I'm ok... I'm not. When dead to the world sleeper wakes up from hearing me in the bathroom he walks in to the bathroom yawning and adjusting his groin area. "Good morning, babe."

Leaning on the counter with my arms holding up my weight, I look at him with the dirtiest look, "Not a good morning."

"Oh... I will use the bathroom downstairs..." He leans in to kiss me and I back up.

"MOVE!" I said quickly shoving him out of the way as I rush back over to my new friend.

He rushes over to pull my hair back... "Are you alright?"

I drop my head, "I don't know. I must have the flu." I exhale trying to catch my breath.

He reaches over with a towel and wipes my face. "I think you need to go back to bed."

"I will be fine. It's calming down now." Breath in... breath out.

"Are you...  Em are you pregnant?"

"No." I said quickly. Could I be pregnant? No... no there's no way. "There's no way."

"Well... I sorta kinda think... I can think of something that could cause it."

"Justin... I take my birth control like clockwork... I'm not pregnant... I just need to get some toast or some crackers to settle my stomach." I say as I walk out of the bathroom.

Breathing in the fresh morning air, I feel myself starting to settle down. The nausea in my stomach seems to disappear when I feel something being wedged into my ear.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"You are sick. I'm taking your temperature and if it isn't normal you are not going into the office."

"Oh and you think you're going to stop me?"

"Yes. I do." He said firmly. Beep "100.5 I think you need to get your ass back in that bed."

"Justin, I love you but you I'm not listening to you at all right now."I covered my ears "Lalalalala" I can hear him ranting about something but I was going to win this argument. He gives me two small pills and I pop them in my mouth. I was going to work.

            I walked back into the kitchen, placing the empty bottle of water in the garbage and grabbing another out of the fridge before heading for the front door. "I love you Justin. Have a great day at rehearsals. I will see you in a couple hours."

            He stands in the doorway and watches as I pull out of the driveway, shaking his head. I look down at my phone and he sent me a message.

Be careful. I love you.

            The office lights are bright again. I swear they know exactly when to change the bulbs. I need to stay in my office with the lights off. That will make things a little easier. My head is pounding and everything seems to be a blur. Hours go by and I'm still working on the same piece of marketing for Justin's tour that I was working on when I first got here this morning. I had to finish these at least. The tour was going to kick off before I got the items to press.

            I drop my head into my hands, covering my eyes, rubbing my temples hoping that at the very least my headache would slowly disintegrate. If the throbbing of my head wasn't so bad I could get something done.

"Emily. I think you should go home." I look up to see Tracey in the doorway.

"Did you talk to Justin?" I asked.

"No, why?" She questioned.

"I just assumed that you did because that's exactly what he keeps telling me."

"Because you do. You clearly have some kind of sickness that I don't want. Go home, rest."

"As soon as I finish this one thing... I'm going to go..." I looked back at the screen hoping everything stops spinning. "Tracey."

"Yes Em."

Everything was becoming a blur again. "Could you take me to Justin's rehearsals? I don't think I can drive there."

"Give me like twenty minutes..." She says as she walks down to her office.

            The venue being empty makes everything echo more than it would normally. I loved watching the little perfectionist tweak every detail. I sat in the back just watching for a couple songs. He is totally goofy and serious at the same moment. It was wonderful to see him in his element.

I start to walk closer to the stage and I see him wink at me. "Ladies and gentleman Emily Clarkson is gracing us with her presence today..." he starts to bend over to bow. He drops the mic and walks over to me. "How are you feeling?"

"Not so great. My head hasn't stopped spinning or throbbing. I think I have the flu or something."

"You need to go home and get into bed."

"I know I'm heading there. I thought you would be finished by now. Tracey drove me here."

"You didn't feel well enough to drive here?"

‘No. I didn't think I could do it. I was right. Nothing seems like what it should be."

"I think you need to go see the doctor."

"Tomorrow." I said.

"No. Tonight." He demanded, "Give me just a couple minutes and we will go to the hospital."

‘No, Justin finish. I will be fine."

"Emily... just hush."

            I didn't want to go, but I gave in. I knew if anything it would ease his mind about everything and he would be able to handle everything he needed to get done.

            The doctor's orders, and when I say doctor I mean Justin, I was to stay in bed until the fever broke. I had the flu, just as I thought. So here I sit in bed waiting for Justin's highly publicized interview about to come on the television. He had agreed to do a 20/20 interview to discuss everything that's happen in the last year and what was about to happen. The only catch was they were starting to do these interviews live and it wasn't something I was a fan of. Being his publicist I knew there were things that could be asked that he doesn't want to answer, but it was his choice and he said yes.

            I sit uneasily as the opening credits begin to roll.

"Tonight on 20/20 Live we have an exclusive live interview with one of the most recognizable artists in the music business today. Just by mentioning the name Justin you immediately think of him. Justin Timberlake has had his fair share of ups and downs in his career but lately it's his personal life that has gotten a lot of attention..."

            I send a quick text. "I love you."

He sends one back... "Let the drama begin. I love you ;) "

"Good evening Justin. How are you doing today?"

"I'm good. Busy schedule right now but that's the way I like it."

"How is it to be Justin Timberlake these days?"

"I have to say life is pretty good. I have an amazing fiancé, who is really sick right now." He looks over that the camera with the red light on it. "Love ya babe. I will be home soon."

            He just said that... on live television. I smiled. He was in trouble, but I loved it.

She cocks her head sideways, "Well it seems like you are just smitten in love?"

"Love hasn't always been so easy to me. Everyone seems to think they know my love life but they are beyond wrong with ninety percent of it."

"So let's start by talking about you past year." She says.

"Ok..." he said almost nervous as he sits up straighter in his chair.

"You had been dating Jessica Biel for almost five years. Why did it end so abruptly?" She said with her nose up in the air.

"The reason why two people end a relationship should between them. Jessica and I separated, that's all people really need to know."

"She blames you." She states.

"Whatever makes her sleep at night..."

"So you are saying you are not to blame."

"If I need to take the blame, then shall be it. It doesn't make me sleep less at night. I know that I have always been faithful in every relationship I have ever been in. So, that's fine."

"You moved on fast after the breakup with Jessica, was that purposely?"

He laughs, "No. Sometimes you already know something is over. Sometimes you are already over a relationship before the final words are said."

"Rumors circulated that you had been seeing Emily for the entire last year of your relationship with Jessica. Any truth to that?"

"No." he said firmly. "Completely false."

"When did you meet Emily?"

"I normally don't talk about this stuff." He says blushing... "I met Emily for the first time at her office. She was replacing Sam who was my PR Manager for as long as can remember. I literally was introduced to her and that was it. I would see her at events sometimes and I would talk to her on the phone occasionally but she was just my publicist. I was still in a relationship so the idea of seeing her as something other than a publicist wasn't even in the play."

"So how did you end up together as a couple?" She asked.

"Well, I was in a car accident; obviously the entire world knows that now. Well there was a woman that pulled me out of my burning vehicle and waited with me until the ambulance came. She literally saved my life. Even the days that followed she stayed at my bedside entertaining me and just simply spent time with me, keeping me company. I couldn't remember anything, amnesia is a bitch." He joked. "She never looked at me one time as that man with the deformed face... or the man who knew nothing..." he laughed. "I fell in love with this woman. I didn't need to know her past and I didn't need to know mine to know that there was something that was obviously there and I couldn't deny it. That woman was Emily. She stood beside me when I needed someone the most."

Tears are rolling down my face. I loved that man.

He continues, "I have been in love before. However that feeling I have when I think about her or when I see her or when I hold her in my arms... that feeling is indescribable. It's a kind of love I have never experienced before."

            If I was so sick I would attack that man when he walked through the front door. Make love to him in the very doorway.

"Well... I think that maybe explains a ... lot." She said before going right into the next question. "You always said you had no interest in getting married? What changed that?"

"Emily." He says with a huge smile on his face. Cheese.

"That's it?"

"She has changed everything I have thought about life and love."

"Ok then... let's shift to music..."

"Let's!" He was happy to switch to something that wasn't his personal life.

"Music is something that has always come first nature to you. You live and breathe music. Did you ever think this is where your career would be after fifteen years in the business?"

"Wow, you make me feel old... I always wanted a successful long career and if it all ended tomorrow I would be devastated because I love to make music but I had a great run. I had my time to make the music I wanted to make and tour the world."

"Which you are about to do again."

His face lights up, "I am. Touring is hard but it gets music directly to your fans. They are the ones that make you who you are. Without them buying my music and supporting me, I would be no one. So I don't mind touring the world for a year or so."
"Is it hard on relationships?"
"Of course it is. Luckily with me, Emily understands my schedule. She understands everything that needs done. And with our careers we have it a little easier to just pick up and go."

"Will Emily be spending time on the road with you?"

"Of course she will. My tour is important to me but so is she."

"How does she deal with all the screaming women?"

I could see that he was getting tired of answering her questions. "Well that's a question for her. But I she is a very secure woman. She knows my job is my job and she knows who I go home with at the end of the night."

"So when's the wedding." She asked abruptly.

"Like I would ever say." He laughs. "Come on now."

"This is true, but you know nothing in your world is secret for long."

"This I know. When we choose the date and do it hopefully it will be a private affair and we will get to enjoy it."

            Twenty more minutes of questions and I could see that he was over talking to this woman. She really didn't care too much about his music or his tour, she just wanted the information about his personal relationship with me. That irked me... Justin was in the music industry, please let's not talk about that too much. When the show finally ended I braced myself for him to be exhausted when he got home. He has been working his butt off with rehearsals and interviews, promotion and everything that goes into a tour. So when he came barreling through that bedroom door and jumping onto the bed next to me I got energy from somewhere and pulled him close to me. Never kissing his mouth, but kissing every other inch of his body. I needed to feel him against me...

"I love you..." I said, "Each moment of everyday I love you even more.... However you mister are in a little trouble."

He laughs, "Is that Emily Clarkson, the mean publicist coming out now?"

"You bet your ass it is."

"Fine, she can come out and play later, right now... I want Em." He says as he crawls up to lie next to me, resting his head on my chest. "I love hearing your heartbeat..."

            The stage was set. The fans were lined up outside. Did I mention it was only 10am? Devotion was something his fans had. It had been so long since he had toured that when he announced the tour dates his website and fan club was flooded with emails asking to add cities. So the tour that started out as a forty five city date US tour has turned into a ninety city tour and dates overseas. The next year or so of our lives were going to be crazy.

First stop was Chicago, IL. It was the start of it all. Winter in Chicago is cold. Really cold. I was glad I was a Cali girl and I was going back there soon. Justin and I had arrived yesterday to a swarm of paparazzi waiting for us at the gates. As much as I love the idea that they are going to print a picture, attaching his name to it, and it will promote the tour, I was annoyed by them being there. Promotion is promotion at the end of the day but being followed the way he is, is crazy.        

My workload seems to get more and more every day, nothing seems to disappear but the work seemed to pile up more. Tracey has pretty much been a lifesaver. She has her own position that is very important in the company now yet she still has my back if I need something. She doesn't know it yet, but she will be rewarded for that. When I return to the office this week, things are going to change.

Tired of looking at a computer screen I opt to take a walk around the venue, trying to get my brain back to functioning properly. Wondering around an empty venue isn't the best choice. I just hoped the venue went in circle and I could eventually find my way back around.

I am stopped in my tracks as I look out the overhead windows at The United Center. I can see lines of people huddled in groups, his fans standing in the cold, showing their devotion for him. Of the roughly twenty three thousand people that were going to be at this show tonight, these are the people I wanted to meet the most.

            All the promotion and the preparations have come to this.  Justin was ready even though he is pacing around the venue like it was the first show he has ever preformed. He is adjusting guitar strings, playing the keyboards, testing the mic... he just wouldn't sit and relax for a moment. He was stressed and this is how he deals with stress. I watched him for nearly twenty minutes before I knew he needed to be out of this room for a while.

"Justin..." he doesn't even flinch. He is stuck in stressed out mode.

"JUSTIN" I said again, a little louder.

            He snaps his head up and looks at me. "Yes."

"Come with me, please." I said calmly.

"Em, I need to finish this..." he says as he continues to fidget with the guitar.

I interrupted him before he made some big long dramatic story. "Justin Randall, get your ass over here." Knowing I was serious he placed the guitar back in his holding shelf and walked over to me slowly bobbing his head back and forth mumbling something... I wrap my arms around his neck, resting them on his shoulders. "Breathe."

He exhales a deep sigh. "This is my first show in a very long time and there is so much to worry about. What if no one shows up? What if they boo me off the stage..."  I look at him rolling my eyes, he continues "It could happen, you never know."

"Justin." I pull him close to me, smashing our noses together before stepping back to say, "You have nothing to worry about. The show is sold out, people will show up, and you will rock that stage just like you have hundreds of times before." I said confidently.

"What if I can't deliver a show the way they are used to? I'm not the person I was five years ago."

"You are stressing way too much about all of this." I take his hand, "Let's go. I know something that will relax you."

His eyebrows rise, "Now, that's what I'm talking about..."

"Take your mind out of the gutter, Mr. Timberlake. I think you got enough of that last night."

He says tilting his head, leaning in to whisper on my lips, "I never get enough."

I step back from him. "As grateful as I am about that. I want to show you something."

            We walked around the entire venue, trying to find the very spot that I ended up in. Noticing a sign on the wall that I remembered, I knew this was the spot. "Look. Down there." I point out the window and down to the sidewalks.

            I see Justin step closer to the window and looks down. A smile creeps up on his face and I see for the first time today, a release. The strain that resided in his eyes is gone. He stands there for a moment, taking in the reality that these people were devoted enough to spend time standing in the cold, just waiting.

"Wow." He says breathlessly

"You have nothing to worry about." I saw very softly to him.

"They are actually here for me?" he says as a question.

"No, Justin... they are here for me." I said sarcastically.

"I love you. Thank you for this." He says before taking his arms and wrapping around my waist.

"I didn't do anything. They deserve the recognition."

"They do, but thank you for bringing me to see this."

            Just a few moments later we hear the screams of the people below us. They were trying to get our attention. They had spotted us up there and were trying to greet us.

"JUSTIN JUSTIN JUSTIN JUSTN!!!" they chanted. His face got a little red but he was happy. He was ecstatic. He begins to wave at the crowd. He had simply made their day by that simple gesture. He waves bye and steps away from the window.

"That is exactly why I love touring. They are the reason I get to do what I do and they totally just eased my anxiety about tonight."

"I saw them earlier and I knew you had to see it. They are unbelievable." I had an idea. I had a grand idea. It was crazy but I thought it would be amazing. He saw the look go across my face.

"Em, what are you thinking about of there?"

"It's cold."I said.

"Yes, it's winter and Chicago. It's cold."

"Yes... I know...smartass..." I turned and walked very quickly back to the green room. Grabbing my phone, I hit the Google search and found the number.

"Can I order, fifty... yes fifty. Make it sixty just in case... twenty minutes..." I say as I talk into the phone.

"Em what are you doing?" Justin asked.

"Those fans are standing in the cold. They deserve something." I tossed my empty Starbucks up into the trash.

"Did you just order Starbucks for everyone?" he asked already knowing the answer.

"What if I did?"

"All I have to say is there best be one in there for me." he joked.

"You can buy your own Mr. Timberlake."

            We pull into the Starbucks and see the stacks of Coffee and Hot Chocolate that they had ready for us. We loaded the car and headed back to the venue. Luckily the crowd hasn't got any bigger. Lonnie steps out of the venue and approaches the vehicle.

"Justin, you don't have to do this. I will do it." I said to him before zip my coat up and attempt to brave the cold weather.

"No, I want to... I have to."

            We step out of the vehicle and grab stacks of cups. I walk over to the crowds and there is a huge exhale of breathe before I broke the silence. "Hi. I'm Emily." A couple of the say "Yea, we know."

I wasn't thinking correctly, "Of course... sorry... I just wanted to thank you guys for supporting him the way you do. You have no idea how much it means to him to have fans like you. You are the reason he is here today. So, I just want to say thank you I ... we got coffee and hot chocolate for everyone. Please everyone take one while it's still hot."

            They stood there for a moment not knowing that to do. Then slowly they started getting cups. The one girl who seemed the most flustered drops her cup, spilling coffee everywhere at the sight of Justin walking towards her.

            He smiles at them all. "Hi!" he said nervously. "I just wanted to come out here and thank you all. I appreciate it like you wouldn't believe. I tried to get them to allow me to let you in the building but I got shot down... this is all they are allowing me to do, well they don't even know I am doing this..." He greets the fans, takes pictures with them and then Lonnie takes a photo on my phone of the crowd with us. It was a great picture and a great day.

"That was amazing." He says as it sits in his dressing room. "I have never done that before. In the fifteen or so years that I have been in this business, I have never went out there where the fans were... that was exhilarating."

"That was pretty amazing. You totally just made their lives complete now..." I laughed. "They can die happy now. They have met you."

            An evil smile creeps up on his face before I see him launch onto his feet to chase me around the room. I take off but I wasn't quick enough, he tackles me onto the couch. Climbing on top of me, resting comfortably over me, "I love you." He whispers before forcefully entering his tongue into my mouth. I feel his hands start to wonder over my entire body. His large strong hands on my stomach make me want to rip my clothes...

"Well, isn't this a welcoming!" I hear coming from the doorway. I pop my head up pretty quick to see Lynn, Paul, and Trace. I lay my head back down couch. Only me. Justin doesn't seem to care because he isn't moving from the spot he is comfortable in.

"Justin... Get off." I whispered.

He lowers his face down to my ear. "That's the problem....I am... off... I can't stand up... with my mother standing in the room."

I start to laugh when I realized what he is talking about. I feel the bulge in his pants, which is weirdly turning me on, even though he parents were standing feet away. I start to laugh uncontrollably hoping that it will help him settle himself. A couple moments later you see him lean down and kiss my forehead than stand up to face his parents and his best friend.

"Well... It's nice to see you as well Justin." Trace says as Justin walks over to hug him.

"Sorry, we were having a moment." Justin says before he hugs his mother and Paul.

"It looked like more than a moment to me." Trace says...

"Trace..." I interrupted, "Hush." I went over to hug him and he says, "It's great to see you found clothing this time."

"Boy... I'm going to hurt you."

"Trace, be nice to her." Lynn says as she reaches out for a hug. "How are you doing Emily?"

"Good, real good. It's a very important day."

            The show started just a few short hours after his family arrived. The band was dressed the crowd was ready and Justin was about to take the stage in front of twenty three thousand five hundred and seventy two fans. Paul, Lynn, Trace, and I settled into our seats and were ready to enjoy every moment of this night.

            The rawr of the crowd gave me goose bumps as the lights dimmed to complete darkness. He was about to grace the stage for the first time in over five years, for his very own live concert. My fiancé was about to make me a very happy fan.

            The clock on the wall is ticking, making me want to smash it onto the floor. The last time I looked at the damn thing it told me it was after two in the morning. I still lie awake, hoping that I will accomplish some kind of sleep. However sleep is something I don't get when he isn't with me. I don't know when I became this person that needed someone. I was fine for many years with no problem sleeping alone in a bed.

            When the alarm went off four hours later I am still staring at the ceiling. Exhaling deeply I begin a day that hasn't technically started because the night before never ended. Maybe it was the quietness of the entire house when he is gone that is making me go a little crazy?

On the way into the office I realized that I not only had gotten no sleep, I also forgot about a meeting that I had arranged for at 8am. It was a very important staff meeting. It's been in the works for weeks and I had completely forgotten about it. Here it was ten after eight and Tracey is calling my phone nonstop. She knows I don't forget too many things so there had to be something wrong.

I rush into the conference room as fast I could and stand in front of thirty people who seem pissed that I was late.

"Sorry everyone, I blame Starbucks!" I joked. "But you wouldn't want me here without my coffee."

"That's the truth." Tracey joked.

"Ok... so the reason you are all here. I'm sure you have debated for a while and finally gave up because with me you never really know what I can be thinking." I paused for a moment looking at around the room, hoping for a laugh a chuckle, anything. "The last year of my life has changed dramatically. I never thought some of the things that have happened to me, would have. I honestly never thought I would be living in Los Angeles and running this public relations company. I have lost some of the most important people in my life and I have gained some of the most amazing people. As much as I love doing this job I know that I'm not living my life anymore. Sam's schedule was only in the office for two days a week. And when I came in, I basically lived in this office for months on end. There were some people that took that for granted."

Tracey's face drops, then says, "Em... please tell me you are not leaving the company."

"No, I'm not leaving the company. As happy as that would make some of you... but my schedule is going to change. I have a lot of things on my plate and selfishly I don't want to spend the next year away from my fiancé. So... first thing is, starting next week I will be in the office Monday Tuesday and Wednesday. Three days, then I will fly off to wherever Justin is on his tour. I will be working from outside the office, I will not let me clients suffer because of my choices. And speaking of that... Everyone sitting in this room is on the chopping block. I have to say I'm tired of picking up the slack from people that seem to slide by doing as less as possible just to get the perks of this job. I'm telling you now, step it up or you will be gone. This is your last chance. I won't hesitate to fire you, no matter how many years you have been here. "

            They all just look at me like I have never spoken to them before. Maybe it was finally setting in that this is really going to happen. "One last thing before you all get back to work... Tracey started as my Executive Assistant and she has proven herself and was promoted. She is one of maybe a handful of employees that deserve any kind of recognition for a job well done this year. Not only has her work ethic been amazing but her clients are seeing the perks of her job well done. Think back to six months ago, who in the world knew who Isabella Barnes was? Tracey has really taken her career to new heights. She is now lined up to film four movies this year and on six different magazine covers so far. Seriously, great job on that Tracey... and with that I have an announcement. With my new schedule starting I have decided to add a new position to the company. I need someone to be me when I'm not here to be me. Starting next week, Tracey is going to be your Jr. Vice President of Marketing and Public Relations. She is going to be me when I'm not here. I guess as long as she wants the job." I chuckle as I can see the remorse on everyone's faces. They were not happy. "Tracey, I need to see you a little later to sign some paperwork and go over a few things... if anyone else has a problem with the changes, feel free to come see me."

            I returned to my office and unpacked my things. I didn't know where to begin but it was going to have to start somewhere.

            The door behind me slams and there is an agent standing in my office. Sarah, an agent that has been here for years, however only does what she has to and that's it. She is the last to arrive in the morning and the first to leave in the afternoon. I have never said anything to her because it is her designated time to be in the office. But her clients don't seem like they get the attention they need and they are the ones suffering in the end.

"I have been here for fifteen years." She said loudly. "Fifteen fucking years and you come in here like you own the fucking place and take over. How dare you put a twenty something girl who has only been an agent in this office for a couple months in that new position. I have earned that position."

"Sarah, working here for fifteen years doesn't automatically give you the rights to that job." I said calmly.

"Then what is the purpose of working for a company for years if you can't advance anywhere?"

"Sarah, sit." She slams herself down in the seat across from my desk. "Do you enjoy working here?"

"Of course I do. I wouldn't have stuck around for so many years if I wasn't happy."

"Do you really believe that I came into the office took over?"

"Yes. Things were never like this when Sam was here."

"Sam was an amazing PR agent however he was not great at managing the rest of the staff. He told me that himself when he left. He was worried about his clients first and foremost and worried about everything else second. And yes that's the way things should be done however there needs to be some kind of balance. When I walked into this office, I literally had to work days and days straight for months to get some of the clients where they needed to be. I'm not here to be anyone's babysitter. I'm not here to pick up the pieces of something you didn't do."

She snapped at me, "Are you saying I don't do my job?"

"I'm saying that you do as less as possible. Haven't you seen your clients' kind of just stalled in this business? Yes having talent is a major plus however if you as their PR is doing just as much as need then it will get them nowhere?"

"I have been busting ass to help my clients. I'm sorry I have a life outside of the office and can't stay until the sun goes down."

"I'm not asking you to stay late. Just make use of the time you do have in the office."

‘Oh like the schedule you are about to embark on is going to be efficient in the office. Justin has really taken control hasn't he?"

"First of all, Justin and I are none of yours business. Yes changing my schedule was as selfish one. However Justin has always had a PR agent with him on tour. Always. So instead of having someone else go in my place, it might as well be me." I was irritated. "People who know him, really know him would know that he doesn't have a controlling bone in his body."

"I worked with him. I know how controlling he is."

"You were working for him, he should have been controlling with you. Being a perfectionist about your career isn't a bad thing."

"Whatever, I'm going to see Kevin about this entire situation."

"That's fine. I will have Cheryl schedule you a meeting with him. But just so you know... Kevin Daniels is the one that promoted Tracey. This was his idea. So before you waste any of his time, think about the situation before you walk into his office."

            She sat there stunned. She thought I had picked my favorite employee, who I have become friends with and promoted her. Yes I thought Tracey deserved the job she has proven herself in such a short time, but at the end of it Kevin had made a decision and I couldn't argue with his choice.

            Justin was coming home tomorrow night for a couple days to do some magazine shoots and to shoot his new video before heading back out on the road. It's been a month since he started touring and it feels like it's been six months. I was excited to see him, I haven't seen him in over a week. There was no point in my flying out last night and flying home tomorrow. So I waited. Very patiently I waited. It would be my last night eating dinner alone for a couple days. I was ready to be back in his arms.

The view on the patio was something to die for. I loved standing here wasting time, watching the sunset over the hills of Los Angeles and the downtown area. I wish he was here with me to share it with me. One day. I can handle it. One more day.

Ding Dong.

I heard the doorbell ring. I was confused for a moment because we lived in a secure gated community. It must have been a neighbor because otherwise I would have had to buzz them in. I slowly walked into the kitchen and into the entry way of the front door.

I can see the shadow of a man in a dark business suit standing on the other side of the glass. A man that I had never seen before. My stomach starts to turn. Who was this?

 "Em... take a breath... it's about to begin. The change has already happened..." I hear my mother's voice whispering into my ear as I close my eyes and swallow the lump in my throat.

            I slowly open the door to reveal a man standing with a manila folder in hand.

"Can I help you?"

"My name is Stephen Larson and I'm attorney from Marwick & Larson here in Los Angeles. I need to speak to Mr. Justin R. Timberlake."

"I'm sorry he is on the road right now. I believe he is in New Jersey at this moment. Is there something I can help you with?"

"Who are you?"

"I'm Emily Roberts. I'm his fiancé and I am his public relations manager."

"Can we take a seat?"

"Sure." I said nervously. He walks into the house and I see a woman sitting in the car. "Does she want to come in as well?"

"She will, I just need to inform you of everything before I bring her in here."

"Ok you are really making me feel uneasy, what is this all about?" I said as we sit at the table in the dining room.

"There is only so much I can legally tell you. But your name is on the paperwork as a point of contact so it should be fine that I'm giving you this information."

He starts flipping through the paperwork as I sat there with my hand resting over my mouth preparing myself for what he might possibly say.

"Ok, so I don't even know how to say this. I always have a problem with placing information like this into the hands of people who are not expecting it at all."

"Not to be rude but could you just spit it out." My mother's words have me scared beyond belief.

"Sorry. Yes. Several months ago, Justin was involved with a woman named, Kristen Smith. Kristen was a family friend of mine that I had known for many years. She came to me and had a living will drawn up to protect the things she had in her life."

A living will. Whew. It can't be that bad.

"She was someone that Justin had known for quite some time... long story short. Kristen died two days ago from a battle of brain cancer. She found out she had cancer while she was pregnant however she was already six months and thought the idea of terminating a pregnancy at the stage was not an option, so she held out hoping that when the baby was born she could fight the cancer head on and win the battle. Sadly the cancer was too advanced by the time the baby was born. She spent three weeks with her darling daughter before the cancer took her out of this world..."

I was still lost at what this guy was trying to tell me.

"Without going into too many details at this moment, I'm here to tell you that Kristen's daughter..." he looks down at the paperwork, "Harlow, has Justin Timberlake listed as the father on her birth certificate." I felt my heart hit the floor, I was sure of it. "Of course there is no signature on the father's line on the birth certificate but when she came to see me for the living will she said she was going to contact him and let him know everything so he would be aware before she got to sick... but she must not have said anything by the look on your face."

"No..." I said shaking my head staring off into thin air. "Are you sure that the child is Justin's?"

"Obviously we have to do a set of blood work to verify that he is the father. However she has left the child in her will to him regardless if he is the father or not." He paused for a moment. "I know this is a lot to take in. She knew that you were with him now." He adds, "When she came into to fill out this paperwork it was right after he had started seeing you. She said she didn't want to ruin this relationship for him. So she didn't say anything. She loved him but it wasn't a romantic kind of love. They had a genuine friendship that escaladed one night and Harlow is a result of that. She respected you. Naming you as a person with him and the person she wanted to raise her daughter."

"She didn't know me? I don't know her?" I was confused by all of this.

"I understand this is a lot to take in and that's the reason I didn't want to bring the child in here."

"She is here now?"

"Yes. She is in the car with a woman from child services."

Tears fill up my eyes, "Can I... see her?"

            "Yes. But I can't leave her with you without Mr. Timberlake's consent."

"I understand. He will be in town tomorrow."

"I will get her." He says as he walks out the front door, returning with a tiny baby in his arms. "Emily, this is Harlow."

He places the baby in my arms as I remove the blanket that was covering her tiny little face. She looked like a mini Justin. She had his cheekbones, his jaw line, his eyes, and his curls. There was no doubt that this little baby was his.

"When's the funeral?" I asked as I rocked the fussy little baby back and forth in my arms. She was a little piece of Justin. It was remarkable how this tiny little baby could look just like Justin.

"The day after tomorrow... I can email you the details if you would like."

"Please, I think Justin would want to be there. He obviously knew this woman for quite some time." I gently rub the side of her cheek. She was adorable.

"They have known each other for nearly a decade. She lived next door to him when he first moved to L.A before she got married and moved away. They kept in contact only when they would see each other in town. She was a writer for some of the major television shows..."

"She was married?" I interrupted.

"No, she has been divorced for over five years."

Whew. I thought.

            "You said he will be back tomorrow? Could you call me and come in to sign some paperwork when he gets in town?"

"Yes.... I need to tell him everything... that's going to be hard." I said, still shocked.

The child services woman, who has remained silent the entire time, speaks "We understand how difficult it can be to take a child in, with such a quick turn of events so we are prepared to keep her for a couple more days if that is needed. We understand the things that need to be purchased for a child. If there is anything we can do to help, don't hesitate to ask."

"Money isn't a problem, we have money."

"Money is a big part, but I'm talking about emotionally. This is a huge change for your relationship and your lives."

"Yea." To say the least.

I guess this is why people don't normally get engaged a month after they get together. I didn't really know anything about his past. I wasn't the kind of girl that would want to sit down and make a list of all the people we have slept with but I didn't even know that he was friends with this woman. She was a part of his life over a decade.

I sat on that back patio for every minute that I could possibly sit there. The view has never been as blurry as it is right now. I knew that he was on stage until at least eleven. So I had to wait until it was at least eight here. 8:05 and I couldn't do it. 8:15, I still couldn't do it. At least I knew he would be in his hotel alone while I dropped this bomb on him. Should I tell him over the phone? Should I wait till he gets home? I didn't have a clue what to do. I had to tell him. I couldn't wait.

The phone is finally in my hand as I hit send. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring...

"Hello my beautiful fiancé. How was your day?" He says, sounding exhausted.

"Justin..." I said slowly.

"Em, what's wrong? You sound worried."

"Justin, are you at the hotel?" I asked, hoping for a yes.

‘Yes. I just walked in the door. Do you want to know what I'm wearing?"

            "Do you know someone named, Kristen Smith?"

            "Talk about a buzz kill... Yes." he says cheerfully. "Gosh I haven't seen her in... wow almost a year. Did she stop by the house?"

"Justin..." I say barely. How am I ever going to tell him everything I need to tell him?

"Em, honey what's wrong." He asked, worried now.

"She died..." my voice cracks, "two days ago." I blurted out.

            The line was quiet.

"Justin."

"I'm here...wow..." he was shocked. "How did she die?" he asked.

"Cancer."

"Fuck. I'm such an ass. She called me a couple weeks ago and I didn't answer. I was busy... I figured I would call her back..."

"I need to ask you something..." I didn't want to ask this question, but I had to.

"Anything."

"Did you sleep with her?" the words came out but it felt like it was history repeating itself. I had asked that very same question before.

He got quiet again. "I did. Once. Stupid mistake on both of our parts. But our friendship repaired itself afterwards. Why?"

"When?"

"During one of the many breakups with Jessica."

"When, I need like a month or a date something."

"Em, what is going on that you are not telling me? I don't know the date. It was the last time I saw her, at the beginning of the year...March I think."

My body starts to tremble. This was the conformation that I was dreading. "Justin I think you need to move your flight up and get here as soon as you can."

He was nervous now, "Emily what is going on?"

"Justin..." I said quietly. "She was calling to tell you that you have a daughter. She is three weeks old and she looks just like you." Thud. I heard the phone crack off the floor. "JUSTIN!" I yelled. "JUSTIN" I screamed this time.

He exhales deeply as he picks the phone back up. "I'm here. Sorry I'm here. Are you sure?"

"They need you to do a blood test as soon as you can but Justin... she looks just like you."

"Why wouldn't she tell me something like that... what would someone hold that kind of information from someone?"

‘The lawyer claimed that she didn't want to hurt your relationship with me. She was going to call you and inform you because she was so sick. She died without actually telling you."

"Fuck. She had nine full months to tell me. She had plenty of time to make this situation right..." he was angry and sad at the same time.

"Justin, I need you come home as soon as you can in the morning. Please..." I was pleading with him.

"I'm so sorry Em. I can't believe this is happening. I'm going to call and get the first flight. Are you ok there by yourself?"

"No... but I will be fine." I said, trying to convince myself as well.

"I love you..." he says reassuring that I know she actually does love me.

"I love you to."

"Em... I ... I just don't know what to say..." He trails off with his words.

"It's okay. Justin really I'm not blaming this on you. There's just a lot to take in. It would be different if you were here... with me."

He was disappointed in himself as if this situation could be changed. "I wanted to have children with you. I want that to be something only we shared."

I felt myself lose control of my emotions. I begin to cry uncontrollably. I wanted that with him. I wanted to have his babies.

"Babe, please don't cry..."

"I just want you. I need you." Selfishly that's all I wanted.

            I dropped the phone on the table and felt my world collapsing beneath me once again. Why was it so difficult to simply be happily in love? The emptiness in my stomach makes me want to hurl. I crawl up into a ball on the couch trying to figure out what we were going to do if this is actually his child. Our entire lives have changed. Everything we knew, everything we planned on has changed.

I heard suitcases hit the floor but I can't move. If I move then everything that's happened is reality now. I really didn't care who was here. The last thing I wanted was visitors. I climb off the couch and turn the corner to see that it's Lynn. I guess it was exactly who I expected it to be. As much as I care about Justin's mother, I really didn't want to see her. I didn't want to see anyone except Justin right now.

She was on the phone with Justin I assumed. "I just got here... my flight got in about twenty minutes ago... I will make sure... Don't worry about it... there's nothing that can be done now... I love you..."

            I stood in the doorway waiting for her to finish her conversation.

"Emily honey, how are you holding up?" She reaches to embrace me, hugging me, not wanting to let go.

‘Hi Lynn, I'm ok."

"You hungry? I can make you some food." She was a mother. She was used to worrying about those little things.

"No, I'm not hungry... Come in, I'm just watching some TV."

            We sat for a couple minutes in silence. I didn't know what to say to myself, let alone her. This was involving her son. This was affecting her just as much as it is me.

"Emily, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here until Justin gets here. Even if we sit in silence until then, you have been through so much, being alone isn't what you need right now."

"I know... I just don't know what to say... what to do... anything..." I said, without even looking at her. I couldn't look at anything except the floor.

"When you're ready, we will talk."

Without thinking I blurted out, "We are not ready to be parents... he may be ready but I'm not. I won't be a good mother. I don't have that... that thing that mothers have."

"Emily, breathe." Lynn says taking my hand into hers. "You will be a better mother than you give yourself credit for."

"I would be that baby's step mother... that seems wrong."

"You don't have to worry about any of this right now. That baby could be a blessing in disguise. You just never know."

"I wanted to be the one to have Justin's children. I wanted to be the one to have his first born...  I will never have that privilege." I begin to cry even more.

She walks over to the couch where I was sitting. Place her hand on my, that rested on my leg. "Justin grew up with Paul as his father. Even knowing that he was not his biological father, it never changed the way he looked at Paul. And as for Paul, he has never look at Justin as anything other than his son. You can make it work... is it something you would want to work out?"

"I would never walk away from Justin because of this. I just feel like I have lost a big piece of future that I could have had with him."

"Emily... I have seen my son happy... and I have seen him sad. But I have never seen my son so smitten in love. I have never seen my son so over the moon happy. I have never heard him once speak of marriage. He thought he would never find someone that he would want to take his last name..."

"I love your son. I didn't think I would ever love someone the way I love him. I never thought I would find someone that would put up with me and all my craziness but I found that with him. I found my happily ever after... we just keep getting thrown curveballs."

"You love each other... remember that."

            My mother's words flood back to me once again. He is a great man. He loves you. Remember that Emily. Remember that he loves you and you will get through anything if you stand next to each other.

            Lynn reminds me of my mother. The more and more time I get to spend with her I see pieces of my mother in her. I sometimes wonder if the reason I ended up falling in love with Justin was because it's what my mother wanted. The worlds had come together and she knew he was the right person for me. She has steered me into the direction of him. Pushed me to making myself see how happy he makes me.

            We didn't sit in silence for long. We ended up finding some common ground, my mother of course. She had never seen the photo that changed our lives. So it was nice to talk to her about the one person I wanted in this world the most.

            When I finally couldn't keep my eyes open anymore I excused myself and go to bed. Crawling into a fetal position I manage to fall asleep. But it's that kind of sleep where you hear everything around you. I couldn't relax and let myself get into a deep sleep.

I hear his voice and I feel his arms wrap around my body to hold me tight. "I'm here my love. I'm here."

"Justin..." I say as I reach up to grab a hold of him. I just needed to feel him near me.

"Sleep my love, sleep. We will deal with it in the morning." I feel his grip get a little tighter pulling me as close as he could. I could feel his breathe on side of my neck. I could feel his tears sliding off his face and onto my neck.

I woke up to an empty bed. Did I dream that he had come home and held me all night? Could I really imagine that embrace? The blinds in the bedroom had been closed and that hasn't been done since Justin was last here, I always forgot to do that... so he had to be home. If he was in this house, I needed to see him. I needed to feel him again.  I jump out of bed and run down the stairs. "Justin" I yelled. But it came across as a panic.

            "Em?" I hear him but I can't see him. He comes running out of the kitchen in a hurry and towards me.

"Justin!" I jump into his arms. "I thought I had dreamt that you were home."

"I'm here." He says as he brushes the hair out of my face and gently rubs the side of my face with his thumbs. "I'm here." I stood there in his arms holding a tight grip around him. I didn't want to let go. He has his head rested on the side of mine, breathing in the scent of my hair, "I love you" he whispers. "I'm so sorry... I really love you." I squeeze my eyes closed, holding onto this moment because we may never get this moment again.

            I step back to look at him, look into those baby blues that have so much hurt in them. "I love you... I promise you I will stand next to you through all of this. I'm not going anywhere."

"You want to do this with me?" he asked with a sigh of relief.

"Love is something that is rare to find in life, and somehow we were lucky enough to find it. As much as I wanted to be the mother of your children, I'm more than happy to help you raise this little girl as my very own. That is if you want me to be the mother of your children..."

"Of course I want you to be the mother of my children... and we will have kids together, she will need some siblings. But first things are first... we need to makes sure she is my daughter."

"Justin when you see Harlow... you are going to know as soon as you see her."

"Harlow?" he asked breathlessly. "Does she have my last name?"

"I actually don't know what her last name is... her name is Harlow though. She is gorgeous."

            I see Lynn standing in the door sobbing. "I'm sorry, I'm totally ease dropping on your conversation but the two of you together make me so unbelievably happy. You have no idea how happy that makes me..." Justin pulls her in closer to us. And we both embrace her.

            Justin had been up early and already talked to the attorney. Tracey was on her way over to the house. I left her a frantic voicemail late last night asking her to stop at the house before she even went to the office. I also left one for Lexie, but I have yet to hear from her.

            I didn't know how I was going to tell her or what I was going to say to her when she got here but we had a story that was going to blow up so much so fast that we needed to get a running start on. Work may be the last thing I want to deal with right now but it was my job to deal with his life. I wanted to protect his career but most of all I wanted to protect him from how he is going to feel when they run with hundreds of false stories.

            Tracey enters the door a little scared. She had no clue what was going on but she knew it was serious when she looked over and saw Justin sitting with his lawyer and his mother.

"Em... what's going on?"

"Tracey, I think you should sit down. A lot has happen in the last twelve hours."

            After I deliver all the information she sits there, silent. "Wow" is all she could manage to get out.

"I think we just need to release a blunt statement. Get it out there and ask for his privacy and hope he gets it. I think if we hide it the black lash is going to be worse... what do you think?"

She just said there, still shocked about everything.

"Earth to Tracey!" Waving my hands in circles trying to get her attention.

"Sorry... I ... I'm just am stunned by this."

"Yea, me too."

"Do you think this is really his baby?" she questioned.

"Everything lines up. And she looks just like him. The moment I saw her face I knew that this was his baby."

We are interrupted by Justin and his lawyer standing in the room. "It's time to go." I look at Justin who doesn't seem too worried anymore. He has become ok with the situation.

We all drove to the lawyer's office in silence. There was nothing to discuss until we had some answers. Due in part to Justin's attorney, there was a doctor waiting at the office to do a blood test. We were hoping to keep this as quiet as possible.

"Shit." Tracey blurted out.

Justin and I look at each other and brace ourselves for what she is about to say. "What?" We questioned at the same time.

"The press knows. I'm not sure how or how much but they know. I have Eighty five emails about it."

"Just don't respond." I say immediately. "We need more information before we say anything."

            Justin lowers his head into his hands. I reach over to take his hands into mine. "This will all be ok... I promise you. Everything will be fine."

"I'm so sorry..."

"Justin..." I looked into those eyes that seemed a little lost, "I love you. This will all work out. I love you." He tightens the grip around my hands.

            We pull up to the lawyer's office with no one around in sight. Stepping out of the vehicle the sun was shining brightly in our face, Justin places his hand into mine and we walk towards the building.

            The receptionist lets out a gasp when she see's Justin walking through the door. I lean back and tell Tracey to give her a confidentially agreement to sign, right now. This twit is going to be so excited about what's going on that she will forget that she isn't supposed to say anything about the clients that walk through those doors.

            "I... I...I..." she says before Mr. Larson steps out of his office and escorts us to the conference room. He turns to her "Jenny, please lock the front door and don't let a single person through that door. We are closed for a couple hours. NO ONE!" he reiterated. "Don't answer the phone, anything just sit there." She looked a little scared now. She didn't know what was going on; all she knew was Justin Timberlake had just graced her presence.

            The blinds had been drawn, the doors had been locked, emotions are high and it was time to get everything out on the table.

            Mr. Larson explains Justin his options if the child is his and if the child is not his. He nods taking all the information in.

"Can I see her?" he asked.

"As soon as we finish this paperwork, I will bring her in."

"Mr. Larson... I will sign all the paperwork I just want to see her. Please." He pleaded.

            Mr. Larson looked over at the child services director and gave her the ok to bring her in.

Justin sat nervously as he waited. His hand was still latched together with mine and I can feel his palms sweating. He wouldn't let go and I wasn't about to let go of him. I lean into him and whisper "Exhale, Justin." He smiles at me and whispers, "I love you babe."

Behind the mahogany wood door the woman reemerged with Harlow in her arms. She was wrapped in that same pink blanket. Justin becomes antsier as she stands on the other side of the room, slowly walking towards him.

Justin stands as she leans in to hand him the baby. I hear his voice and his breathe shake. "No one has ever let me hold a baby before." He says as everyone in the room laughs and takes a deep breath as she rests the baby in his arms.

            He looks over at me. "This is really happening." I take the blanket that is covering her face and lift it back. "Oh my god... she does look like me... She is beautiful."

"Are we being conceded again Justin?" I ask with a wink.

"Well, you know I can't help myself."

            Justin sits immediately and stares at her, rubbing his thumbs gently over her tiny little cheeks. I stay standing, watching him with her. Tears start to run down my face. Justin was sitting there with his daughter, in his arms. His daughter.

"Babe, come sit with me... Meet Harlow."

I walk slowly over and sit next to him. He really had that father gene he didn't think he had.

"Mr. Timberlake..."

"Justin."

"Sorry, Justin... the doctor as assured us by the end of the day he will have the results for you."

"It happens that quick?"

"In situations like this we have lab that works quickly for us. I will call you this evening with the results."

Justin exhales and says, "So we are free to go with her? We can just take her?"

"Yes. You are this child's legal guardian regardless of the results of the blood test. You of course still have your options so this is all up to you now. You get to make those decisions."

"Did Kristen have any family that I should be aware of? Anyone that would like see Harlow?"

"Kristen was never close to her mother and her father died years ago. She was the only child so she has no siblings. She didn't want her mother to end up with Harlow, which is why she had the living will drawn up."

"So in a sense, this is my child and mine alone."

He nods his head. "That's one way of putting it. You have the right to choose the options for this child."

"So..." he looks over at me then back at the attorney. "If I wanted Emily to be her mother, that could be arranged?"

What? What was going on? He wanted me to be the mother of this child? Like Kristen never existed?
"Yes. Typically we would only suggest that the adoption process be started if the two parties were married, however that is your choice."

"It's something that Emily and I need to discuss because that would be her choice."

"If or when you need those papers drawn up, simply let me know."

Mr. Larson and the social worker leave the room, leaving us alone in the room with Justin's attorney, Lynn, and Tracey. He turns to me, "Is that something you would want? Would you want to be Harlow's mother?" He says as she grasps her hand around his finger.

That was a loaded question. Never did I think that would be a question for me in my lifetime. I idea of being her mother was overwhelming. I don't know if I could be that person. But if I wasn't there as her mother, where would that leave Justin and I? Could we still have a relationship and be her legal mother? Why do I suddenly feel pressured to be that person? I was ok with standing beside Justin and venturing into this new life but why at this very moment do I want to jump out of my seat and run out that door?

            Six hours, two shopping trips, and a few thousand dollars later Tracey and I were walking through the front door with shopping bags full of things for the baby. Justin was still sitting in the very same spot... holding her. Justin had reassured me many times in the short six hours that we have been in this little girl's life that we will take things as they come. Adopting Harlow had to be my choice and mine alone.

"Thank god. Em... Can you take her please?" he says standing quickly. "I have to use the bathroom."

I laughed at him, "You could have gone to the bathroom. She would have been fine in that car seat."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I didn't want to chance anything. Please." He hands me Harlow and runs into the bathroom.

            She looks up at me and smiles. I didn't think babies could smile at that age... not like that anyway. Harlow has found a way to capture my heart in such a short time. She was precious.

"I'm proud of you." Tracey says as she continues to stare at me.

"I haven't done anything to be proud of yet."

"You may not think so but I'm proud of you. You didn't run. You stood beside him through the every single moment of it."

"For better or for worse, right? Not that this is either but it's part of spending your lives together. I have to admit when we were in that lawyers office I wanted to run, but I didn't. "

"Like I said, proud."

"Be proud when I have actually done something to be proud of."

"Em, I don't know if I could be in your shoes and be as calm as you are. I'm sure you are freaking out but you haven't run... huge step for you."

"Ok... anyways..." I walk into the kitchen with Harlow in my arms. "Let's figure out what to do with this entire situation."

            We sat at that table for hours going over the pros and cons of what we should do. Putting a statement out not only clears the air it also confirms everything. If we kept quiet the stories would more than likely escalate out of control, so there was no easy way to deal with the situation at hand. Waiting patiently for a confirmation from the lawyer was not comforting. In reality it didn't matter. I could see it in Justin's eyes; he knew this was his daughter. Harlow looked just like him. There was no denying her at all. He knew that this test would only confirm and make the documents legal.

            I walk up the stairs to one of the back bedrooms that normally are empty or full of event things has now been cleared out and I see Justin assembling a crib. He was down to the last set of pieces. I stood with Harlow in my arms watching him, he was content.

            "I like my men a little handy." I say as I wink at him.

He stands, "I would have never thought, that the flutter in my heart would be such a great feeling as I stand here seeing the love of my life holding my daughter... makes me a very happy man."

            I tilt my head to the side smile trying not to cry.

"I know that you don't think you have the mother instincts but what you don't realize is, you do. You from the very first moment have had a connection with her. She has changed both our lives for the better. She is just as much a piece of me that she is of you."

"Justin...  she isn't my daughter. As much as you have convinced yourself she is, she isn't. I'm not saying this to hurt you because I'm not going anywhere, I'm not running I just need you to know that I can't change the fact that she is your daughter but in reality I'm not her mother. I didn't carry her for nine months... I didn't deliver her."

            He steps closer to me, "Being a child's biological parent doesn't make that person their mother or father. Paul has been the best father I could have ever asked for in my life. Never once did I think differently of him because he wasn't the one that created me. That man has always been my father and my dad. There isn't a way for Kristen to be a part of Harlow's life and she needs you. I need you. We need you. I know that this is a lot to deal with and have to accept in such a short time frame but trust me when I say this will all work out."

"I love you and I'm here. Maybe a little scatter brained but I'm here."

            I laid Harlow in her bassinet and returned to help Justin finish putting together the crib. When it was finished I was standing next to him as his arms were wrapped around me. I felt the warmth of his breath on my neck before I felt his hands cup over my face. Staring into those blue eyes I feel the release of pressure. I feel a sense of relief. "I love you more than the air I breathe... I love you for everything that you are... I love you." He says to me as the tears roll down my face. He gently brushes them off my face. "I know that no matter what throws at us we will be able to handle it. I'm a very lucky man to have a woman that stands beside me."

"I'm sorry I..." I'm cut off by him.

"You don't have to be sorry about anything. I understand how much you have endured in the last twenty four hours. Any doubts you could have had are normal... and feeling of not waiting to do this is understandable. If you didn't want to be here you would be gone already. I love you for standing next to me. I love you for you, being you."

"Can I speak now?" I asked sarcastically.

"No." he brushes the hair that has falling into my eyes out of his way. "I want you... to kiss me... I want to..." I cut him off this time by slamming my lips onto his, slowly pushing him against the closet door.

"Not in here..." I said.

He looks at me funny. "Since when do you care where we have sex?"

"Since this became your daughter's room."  I grab his hand and drag him into our bedroom.

"Ok... I understand now."

He lifts me up, holding me above his head as I stare down at him, slowly lowering to be level with his face. "I ...." He breathes heavily on my neck reaching the side of my face. "Love... every..." Switching to the other side of my face, down my neck and onto my chest, "single... inch... of... your... body..." he looks at me with that flirty grin before he tosses me onto the bed. Climbing on top of me, stripping me of every piece of clothing I had on. Slowly but surely we manage to get to get to the point we had both been craving for a long time. I felt every muscle in my body tighten up and release as he collapses on top of me. "God..."

"It's Emily... but God works to." I joke with him before I flip him over to climb on top of him. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"

He pulls my face down to his... "You were you... and we were destined to be together!"

"You are total cheese, do you know that?"

"You love my cheese."

I roll my eyes at him, "I do... I can't help myself." I lower myself on him seeing that he was ready to go again.

"You are going to be the death of me, women."

"You say that like it's a bad thing. It's the best way to go I guess..."
            "I have to agree."

Just as we start our second round I hear Harlow crying. I try to zone it out, I try to ignore it thinking she is just going to stop. "Babe, you are so not into it this time around." He questions.

"The baby."

"She can't see us..." he says as he climbs on top of me. "Not that she would even know what was going on."

I nudge him off of me, "No, the baby is crying." I said frustrated as I slide off the bed, throwing a robe on and walking into the baby's room.

She was crying even harder by the time I got into the room. I picked her up and she stopped crying instantly. That's all she wanted. She wasn't hungry, she wasn't fussy, she didn't need her diaper changed, she just wanted to feel someone wrapped their arms around her. I sit with her in the rocking chair holding her. She had stopped crying and is content now.

I can see Justin out of the corner of my eye standing in the door way in a pair of boxer briefs. "I didn't hear her... I'm sorry."

"It's ok. It's something that you will learn over time. You will get the ear for it."

"She really likes you. She has become one with you."

"It's only been a couple hours, she is adjusting... it must be hard to be passed from person to person and not ever seeing the same person twice."

Justin continues to stand in the doorway. "As much as you say you don't have that motherly thing... you do. I see it in your eyes when you hold her."

            I exhale a deep breath and all I can think about is my mother. My mother never getting to see my children. My mother never getting to be her grandmother. My children never getting to spend time with their grandmother. I feel the tears start to stream down my face.

"Justin, please take her." I handed the baby to Justin as I rush out of the room.

            The sunset has always been something to ease my mind. It has always been something to give me clarity but the clouds that cover the sun today isn't so promising. "Get yourself together Emily" I yell at myself. "At some point you have to deal with your mother's death. At some point life moves on. No one else needs to deal with your stupid issues."

            Would I ever be able to deal with her death? Would it ever come to a point when I can just accept this life for what it is?

"Emily." I hear Justin say in a soft voice that only makes me cry more. I can hear the worry in his voice.

"I'm fine Justin. I just..." He is now standing next to me and interrupting what I had to say. "You will never get over your mother's death. Losing your mother has changed who you will be forever... I fell in love with the woman standing in front of me. I fell in love with everything about you. Nothing will change that. I met you after your mother died; this is the Emily I feel in love with. I'm not going anywhere. This could be an issue for the rest of your life and I will stand next to you."

"I can't believe that she will never get to experience the joy of grandchildren, I will never get to the chance to give that to her..."

He pulls me into his arms, laying my head on his chest. "I wish I could do something to make it better for you. If I could give up something to take that pain away from you I would."

"I love you. You know that right?" I asked.

"I do."

"Harlow has... she has made me think of a lot of things today and I'm a complete mess and I just want you to know... that at the end of everything I am here."

"I understand. Just know that this isn't something you have to deal with alone. I'm here for you. I will be your punching bag if you need me to be."

Just then Justin's phone rings. We both look at each other, knowing this is could be the phone call we have been waiting for. I nod my head, telling him to answer the phone.

"Hello...Yes... uh huh... okay... Thank you... I will talk to you soon..."

This was it. The way he was looking at me, I knew that this was the moment that was officially changing everything.

"I'm the father." He says, trying to convince himself. "I'm the... father." I see him losing control of his balance but before I could get to him I saw him reaching to sit in the chair. "I'm a father. I have a daughter..."

"In a recent turn of events there has been some exciting news with my private life. In due time, the news will be pubic but until then, I ask for the respect and privacy for my family and friends. After all they haven't chosen this position for their lives and I have. So I stand here today and ask for some small window of privacy."

            Justin stands in front of what looks like a hundred microphones attached to a podium and speaks as if it is not a big deal. I have been doing this job for many years and I still got super nervous when I had to speak in front of this many people. There was press from around the world standing here waiting... listening to every word he had to say.

            "Amidst rumors, my tour will remain on as scheduled. No shows will be cancelled or rescheduled. I have not cancelled a single date. In this industry I have learned that your private life and your work juggle each other. I will stand here and tell you that my fiancé and our life together will always come first however on the side of work, my fans come first. I would give up twenty personal appearances to do one show for my fans. They will always remain my priority."

            He stands with such poise and gratitude addressing his fans, the only people he worries about addressing. Anyone else that needs to know the events already know.

            "I return to the road tomorrow in Orlando! So, fans in Florida, you better be ready for me."

            He waves to the adoring fans that have lined up in support and walks off that platform and into the back room where I was standing with little Harlow. He kisses my forehead and kisses Harlow before saying, "Whew."

"Now the real challenges begin." I joke with him. "Life with an infant, how will we ever survive?"

"I think we will live happily ever after."

"Well, I have work to do now." He smacks my ass as I walk out of the back room and onto that stage.

            I felt a little overwhelmed. The flashes were beyond crazy. I only have a few lines to say then I would be done. I can do this.

            "Thank you to everyone that came out today. This concludes the press conference. When there is something else to share, my office will be sure to get that information to everyone. Until then please respect his privacy."

            Keeping the press from getting her pictures was our greatest challenge. We have taken extra precautions. Each black tinted window of the four SUV's in tow with us wasn't so discreet but it was a decoy. I knew as his PR Agent that the last thing we wanted was to cause this kind of scene however I had think about that little girl that was no idea what is going on and could chance scaring her with all the attention.

            Justin sits next to her car seat with his arm latching a blanket over the top. If someone did have a lens that went through the black tint, they would only see a car seat. The stories and articles that I have seen in just the last couple days have been hurtful and disrespectful. I knew that at some point he had to address the subject but it had to be in his words and it had to be when he was ready.

We have decided that I will keep Harlow the three days that I was in L.A and then bring her to wherever he was. It would be easier this way, at least I was trying to convince myself of that. Lynn was going to be the official babysitter while I was at the office, just until she was a little older and we could hire a nanny for her.

            So unfortunately for Lynn she is going to be on the same flight schedule I am going to be on for the next months. She seemed happy to have the honor of taking care of her granddaughter.

"Em, honey is there something wrong. You have been picking at your food at night."

"Just thinking..." I continues to poke around the food with my fork.

"Are you sure you want to do this. I should be the one taking the responsibility for her." Justin asks but makes it sound like he doesn't want to talk about any of the situation.

"With your schedule on the road she will be with a nanny the entire time. I don't think that's the best option for her. I'm going to be her step mother, I think I should step up as well." I don't know how I was going to manage to fit in a baby with my schedule but I was going to give it my best shot. "If this were our child, it would be no different. I would more than likely as the mother have the child most of the time... Isn't that how this society works?" I questioned.

            He shakes his head in disappointment. "I don't want you to do this because you feel you have to or you feel obligated. I don't want you to think this is what you have to do. I will figure it out if you don't want to do this."

"Justin- Seriously this was my idea. This was all my doing. If I didn't want to do this, I would have never made it an option. Plus I think Harlow deserves to have people around her that she can get used to."

He sits for a moment quiet. Maybe thinking of a way to get out of this house tonight and not have to deal with me before he lives in the morning. "Ok so if this isn't what's going on in that pretty little head of yours, what is?" I didn't expect that question from him tonight of all nights.

"The one person that I thought I had in this world other than you to go to for anything hasn't even returned a single phone call. She is supposed to be here. She is supposed to tell me everything's going to be alright."

He takes his hand into mine, intertwining each of his fingers into mine. "I'm sorry. I know how much you miss her."

"They are just thoughts... I'll be fine..."

            I couldn't believe that that tomorrow morning when Justin left this house he was going to gone and I would be in charge of his daughter. I have never been the one in charge of anyone's child. Scared was an understatement.

            I climb into bed with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I felt his arms wrapped around me, pulling me close to him. "I love you" he whispers into the side of my ear before I begin to hear his breath sounds get steady and slow. I fell asleep in his arms.

            I woke up hours before Justin had to be up for his flight and he had to be up super early to be at the airport on time. Standing in the doorway watching the sunrise when I heard someone from behind me say. "Do you ever sleep?"

I turned with my hot coffee cup in hand. "Good Morning Lynn."

She pours herself a cup a coffee and joins me in watching the sunrise. "You and Justin are one and the same. You both constantly stress about all the things you can't do anything about in life."

"I'm not stressing..." I said trying to convince her and myself. I wasn't stressing really. I was just thinking about some things that I couldn't get out of my head.

"Emily." She glares at me, "You are beyond stressing. Just take every moment as it comes. What else is there to do?"

"It's hard for me not to worry. I mean I have... I have Justin's career in my hands. One wrong move on my part and I could destroy everything he has world for his entire life for. So I not only now have to deal with a new obstacle in our relationship, I have an infant that isn't going anywhere that's in our lives now and to mix it all in there... I'm responsible for making Justin's public imagine." I feel my voice start to shake. "Sometimes... I wonder if I was meant to always screw everything up..."

"Emily... you are truly one of the most amazing people I have ever had the pleasure in knowing. You stay strong for everyone around you but I think it's time to think about you for just a moment. I know you love my son and I know that this will all work out in the end but we all need you to be ok. If you want to vent just vent. Don't let any of this reside inside of you."

            Lynn was always good for just putting it out there. She always had her ‘mothers' hat on and tried to comfort everyone. I sat for a moment, staring out into the open sky. I began to speak in a low tone. "I'm used to having four walls up around me. I have learned in my life to keep a distance between people. Somehow someway things never seem to work out for me in life. I'm not good at goodbyes of any kind." The water that was filling up in my eyes has begun to stream down my face. "When I lost my mother I told myself I would never love someone as much as I loved her. I would never love someone that much and have them taking away from me... I let that a wall down when I met Justin... I love him more than I have ever loved anyone my entire life. How or why I don't know but it's somehow connected with her... somehow it's like she has been with me this entire time pushing me, directing me, placing a piece of my life together that I was scared to do." I look over at Lynn who seems to be scared at what I might say next. "I'm not saying that I don't want to be with Justin or Harlow... I just wish my mother was here because if something happens... if I lose Justin..." My throat feels like it is closing off. "If I lose him, I just don't know what I would do." She wraps her arms around me. Embracing me the same way my mother always did. She doesn't say anything. She doesn't have to. "I can't lose someone else that I love so much."

She never let's go of her arms around me. "He isn't going anywhere sweetie. He knows all the pain you have gone through. He knows how much your mother means to you. He loves you more than live itself. He will never walk away from you. You never have to worry about losing him."

            The tears are streaming down my face. She has really become someone in my life. She has become someone I want in my life.

            "Justin, your car is here."  I yell up the stairs. He was going to miss his flight if he didn't get his ass down the here right now. I continued to stand at the bottom of the stairs holding Harlow in my arms as he finally makes an appearance at the top of the stairs. He locks eyes with me the entire time it takes him to get to the bottom.

"I don't want to leave." He begins to whine.

"Justin." I said cocking my head to the side.

"I know I know. I have to go but that doesn't make up for me not wanting to leave you and Harlow here." He leans down and kisses Harlow on the forehead.

"We will manage without you." I joked.
"I'm sure you will. But I don't know if I will manage without you."

            I laid Harlow down in her bassinet and took him into my arms. I held on for as long as I could. I wanted to remember his scent, I wanted to remember his grip around me, and I wanted to remember this feeling. "I love you. Have a safe flight and an amazing show tonight. I expect to have details."

"Three days. Only three days." He mumbled to himself.

"Actually I will see you Wednesday night... I changed my flight."

His eyes lit up. "Are you sure? That's going to be a long day for you."

"Yes, I'm sure. Your mother is actually going to fly with me. Along with Lonnie... we don't want to take any chances with the paparazzi or others bombarding us."

"I'm sorry you have to deal with this."

"Hush." I placed my finger over his mouth, before I kissed him again. "You're going to be late. I will see you in a couple days. Make sure that bus is ready for Miss Harlow."

            I watched in the doorway as his town car drove away. I hated this part but I knew he had to go. Getting ready to leave for the office was not such an easy thing to do this morning. I had too much going on in my mind to completely concentrate on what I needed to do. Harlow slept the entire morning away. She really was his child. I had a bad feeling that it wasn't going to be a good day; I hope my instincts are wrong.

            Leaving Harlow with Lynn isn't such a difficult choice. Leaving Harlow in general was more difficult. I surprised myself at how difficult it was.

            My office building was surrounded by photographers, one at every entry into the building, with twelve of fifteen at the very door that I go in. Those damn people knew were my parking spot was now and they surrounded that entry door. Deep breathes. I kept repeating to myself.

            I walked very quickly through the parking garage and into the doors. Being hounded by the paparazzi was something I never thought I would be dealing with on a personal level. But yet I guess I never expected to be marrying the biggest celebrity in the world.

            I stepped off the elevator on my floor and there was an instant quietness that covered the entire office. I walked slowly down the hallway knowing every single person is staring at me right now and they were all probably just now gossiping about that has happened this weekend.

            I entered my office and shut the door. Long day. It's so going to be a long day.

"Emily, I know you said no visitors or phone calls today but Lexie is here to see you." Cheryl informs me.

Now she shows up out of nowhere. "That's fine, send her in Cheryl."

            The door opens slowly as I see a very pregnant Lexie standing across the room. She appears to be tan and glowing. Pregnancy is suiting her well. She is one of those pregnant women that look like they had the basketball shoved underneath their top. I would never be that lucky. I would be swollen everywhere on my entire body.

            I had nothing to say to her now. I needed her days ago when my life was turned upside down.

"Emily, I haven't seen you in a while. How are you doing?"

I turned from my computer screen to her, glaring at her. "Fine, Lex. Just fine."

"That doesn't sound so convincing."

"No. Really everything's fine now. How is the pregnancy going for you?"

"Fine... what's going on that you are not telling me? What do you mean everything's fine now?"

"Did you check your voicemails Lexie?" I said frustrated.

"Rob and I were on vacation in Fiji and we shut our phones off." She says it with a smile on his face.

"Next time you should rethink that option." I said turning back to my computer.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Nothing. It's not as important as your vacation was."

"Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed or something?"

"No. Lexie... I have had a couple long rough days..."

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asks, attempting to want to listen now.

            Being an absent friend wasn't something that was going to work with me right now. I had too much going on to have to deal with her insecurities and her dilemmas.

"No I don't. I wanted to talk about it when I called you."

"So you are mad that I went on vacation with my boyfriend and didn't answer your phone calls."

I was flabbergasted. I couldn't believe she was saying this to me. "Lexie, you should know by now that I could care less that you were going somewhere with your boyfriend. But I do care that you weren't answering your phone or returning any phone calls. I thought something had happened to you. I was scared and that was the last thing I needed to add to my list this weekend."

"I'm sorry I should have at least called you. I didn't even think you would worry."

"Lexie, until Justin came into my life... I have always only had you. Of course I would worry."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that. I just wanted some alone time with him before the ciaos started."

"Well I'm glad you achieved that." I turned back to my computer. I had work to get done.

"Well, since you're busy and in a mood, I will leave. Do you and Justin want to have dinner with us tonight? We have some news to share."

"Justin is on tour and Lynn has things to do this evening so she can't stay to watch the baby."  The words flowed off my lips as if I had said them hundreds of times before.

"Well we will have to ...", she stops... finally registering what I just said. "Watch whose baby?"

I turned back around to her, looking directly into her eyes. "Justin's daughter. Lynn is watching her while I'm at the office. I can't expect to stay with her while I do other things."

She shakes her head, "Justin's what?" she snapped.

"If you would have answered your phone you would have known. She is just about a month old and she is the spitting image of Justin."

"When did this happen? Who is the mother? Why do you have the baby?"

"It's a long story Lex and I don't have the time to explain it all to you. I have to leave the office on time today."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know... I really screwed up this time."

"It's fine, really. I'm dealing with it."

            I was a bitch to Lexie, but the last thing I wanted to do was let her know that it was ok to disappear from the world and not tell me. She would have bit my head off if I would have done that. Not to mention she was my best friend. She should have been there to help me deal with everything and she wasn't she was on vacation with her boyfriend and soon to be father of her child. Relaxing on a beach.

            As if dealing with everything that's happened wasn't enough I received an email from Kevin Daniels saying that I had a new client that I was going to be handling. They were requesting that only I handle the account. As I read down through the information I feel my entire body start to tense up when I see in bold print, Tri-Star Agency. My first thought was why on earth would they need a PR agent?

            As I was reading the previous emails between the two I find out that they had a representative for the company after I left but they didn't work out for ‘personal reasons' and instead of hiring someone fulltime they wanted to outsource. Them as a client wouldn't be difficult. I knew that company like the back of my hand but it was the details that were attached to the company that I wasn't too fond of.

            I shove that email into the keep folder but I was done looking at it. I wanted to think about anything other than that company and that night.

            Grocery stores, paparazzi and me do not go hand in hand. I hated those damn people following me. It annoyed the hell out of me. The more and more it happened the more annoyed I became. It wasn't really an issue in the beginning because they only followed me when I was out with Justin somewhere... but now, now they are following me everywhere.

            Dealing with them I managed to miss a phone call from Justin. Ugh. I wanted to talk to him. I look like a total beaming fool as I listen to his voicemail in the bread isle.

"I just got here and I want to come home already. I was super late for sound check today which pushed the meet and greet behind and it's been a mess. I hate the time zone difference. I lost so many hours in the day. Anyways enough of my so called drama... I hope your day went well. I will call you again before I go onstage. I love you."

            Lynn was cooking dinner when I got home. She really outdoes herself sometimes. She stands in our kitchen with her apron that stays in the pantry here.

"What are you doing?" I asked her as I drop the bags on the kitchen counter tops.

"I figured you had a long day at the office, I was going to make you dinner before I left."

"You didn't have to do that. I'm used to cooking when I get home." I startled to unload the bags, placing the items on the counter.
"One of these days you are going to let me doing things for you and you not feel guilty for it."

"Sorry Lynn, that may never happen."

"Don't I know it." She chuckled. "I talked to Justin. He isn't having such a good day."

"That makes two of us."

            Before this moment I didn't let the idea of Tri-Star and that day affect me. But now that she has asked and I have to think about it, again. The emotions run high and I can't hold back. "My boss has given me a new client."

"New clients are a good thing right?"

"Not this particular client.... This client... makes me think of my mother... as everything does I guess but anyways Tri-Star was the company I used to work for."

"Was it not a great working environment?" she asked.

"You can say that." I feel the tears coming but I can't stop them.

"Honey what's wrong?"

"The day my mother died... we were at the agency's event and the party afterwards and we were driving home from that event when she was killed." I swallow my words hard as I say them. "The idea of that place makes me blame them. I know it had nothing to do with them but I can't think of them and not think of my mother's death. Without their party... for their event ... for me... she wouldn't have been there."
"Em, honey you can't blame yourself for this. You could have made a hundred different choices that day but somehow, someway the result would have been the same."

"I know." I saw with the lump in my throat.

            She turns off the stove and walks over to me, placing her arms around me. "I remember that morning when Justin told me he had met this amazing woman at that event. He kicked himself for not finding her daughter and at least introducing himself to her. I remember him saying how amazing it was to have spoken to her. Have you ever thought that maybe it was your mother's plan this whole time? That everything you have gone through was going to put you in this very same spot you are in today?"

"I actually have. It's almost as she is guiding me to where I should be today."

"I think your mother has made sure that you end up in life, exactly the way you should."

            Once again, Lynn has come to my rescue. She knew what to say and exactly when to say it.  My mother had made sure to find a good man with an amazing mother who loves me as if I was her very own daughter.

One year and nine months earlier...

            Frustrated and stressed out is an understatement. My first big project that I have to take full responsibility for if something goes wrong will happen tomorrow. I have done everything I can do. Everything will have to unfold the way it does. I will either make my career or break it in less than twenty four hours from now.

            "Did you get the dresses from Sak's?" I asked expecting some kind of answer from her.

My mother sat there for a while before answering me, "No, they were not ready. They said mine was still in alterations."

"You're kidding right?" I slammed down my purse. "The event is tomorrow. Those people are going to make me pull my hair out."

"Emily honey, don't stress out. Everything will be fine." She says, sympathetically.

"Remind me to never use them for my wedding. I would be sure to have a nervous breakdown."

My mother snapped her head my way, "What do you mean wedding?"

"Don't jump to conclusions, I was just making a statement for future reference. It's doubtful I will ever get married."

‘You'll marry a great guy... one that your least suspect but that guy isn't Chad."

"I know you don't care for him but I think I love him."

"You don't love him." She demanded. "He is just someone to fill the void of being alone right now."

"Mom... please I don't have time to argue with you about this today."

"Fine Emily, just remember that ok."

"Ok mother, I will remember that."

            We sat for hours in the apartment that I shared with her, as we tweaked every single detail left to do for this event. She had helped me so much with getting things tied together. I knew that in the morning I would have to deal with getting the venue set up the right way, the guest lists were ready, the step up and repeat was ready for any of the celebrities that will be arriving. I would have no time to finish anything else up tomorrow.

"Make sure your on time tomorrow." I said to her as she was leaving.

"I will be." She turned to say. "I have to work a couple hours in the morning but I should be home before you are."

"You always say you are going to be on time and you're not. I can't look unprofessional tomorrow. This is my career we are screwing with now." I stood tapping my foot as if I had any right to demand things of her.

"You and your career." She said irritated, "I'm proud of you and everything you have done Emily... but you need to step back and be happy at home as well. Finding actual love isn't such a bad thing. I know I have had some bad examples for you over the years but there really is happiness out there for you."

"I love you mom but please I will worry about happiness later. I have worked too hard for my entire career to have it fall at the waist side because of ‘love'."

"I just want to see you over the moon happy Emily."

"I know."

Knowing she isn't going to get very far, she drops the conversation. "I will pick up the dresses in the morning and leave yours here. I will be on time, don't worry!"

            My mother left just in time because Chad was on his way over to the apartment. She never got along with him. She has disliked him since day one. It was hopeless for me to have both of them in the same room together. I tried everything I had to get them both at the event but I was happy it was just my mother coming along with me.

Morning of Event Day

            The bullshit is flying high this morning. Everyone seems to have an excuse for something and it drives me crazy. Buck up and say, yea I screwed up. It's not that difficult and it will end the situation. I felt like I was working with five years olds who like to throw tantrums. I guess they haven't figured out yet that I don't deal with it too well.

            Daddy's perfect little angel has screwed up the entire guest list and seating chart. The girl couldn't tell the difference between the colors black and gray... why on earth my boss thought she was ‘the perfect one for the job' I will never know. Hiring your children should come with limits.

"Janelle... this is all wrong."

"No, its fine." She snapped back.

"NO. It's wrong. Sam McDonnell specifically asked for a table for just his people, why am I seating at his table? Mr. Jacobs asked for two tables" I continued. "Side by side, not spread across the room. I thought you said this was all under control."

"You told me to seat these people, I did that."

"Except you didn't follow any of the specific directions." I ripped the folder out of her hands. "I will fix it. Go find something to do that you can't possibly screw up."

"Why didn't you just do it yourself Emily?" She snapped at me.

"Janelle, I would advise you to get out of my face right now..." I exhaled deeply, "I know this is your father's company but this is my career you're screwing with. This isn't one of my pet projects that I work on."

            She walked away from me mumbling something about being a bitch but I took that as a compliment. I'm sure no one in her life has corrected her, which is why she is the way she is now.
            Frustrated was putting it mildly, it was almost noon and I had to redo the entire seating chart. Yay! I thought as I rolled my eyes, looking at the computer screen that has a dummy proof seating program. I guess I should call the company that produces this program. They have some improvements to do.

            I walked into my apartment a little after three, knowing I was going to be the one late for the event. I had to be ready by four thirty at the very latest. I drop my things on the couch and open the fridge hoping to find water or something to drink. Nothing of course was in my refrigerator.

            The coffee maker looks like it had fresh coffee in it. Lying next to the pot was a post it with my mother's neat cursive handwriting on it. I picked it up, reading it before laying it back in the very spot she left it.

I promise I will be on time.

            My mother knew my OCD with time. I didn't like to be late for anything.

My dress was hanging on the outside of my bedroom door, but I began to panic when I saw that not only was my dress hanging there my mother's dress was there as well. I shuffled through my bag looking for my phone.

"Mom... your dress is still here, why don't you have it on? We are going to be late for sure now."

"Em..." she said calmly. "Breathe. I'm standing right outside the door. I didn't want to wrinkle the dress."

            The apartment door opens and she walks in looking absolutely gorgeous. Her and I have always looked alike. My hair color may change from time to time but I have always had my mother's features. She was a mother was a stunner, that's for sure.

Event

            Putting drama aside, I stand inside the event greeting everyone that came through the doors. After a while faces become a blur. Names mean nothing. I pointed everyone in the direction of their seats, trying to stay out of the way.

"Emily Clarkson?" A man standing behind me asked.

I turned to see that it was a tall dark and handsome older man.

"Hi, I'm sorry do I know you? Did you need something?'

"The name is Sam McDonnell" he reaches out to shake my hand. I shake his awkwardly as he continues to talk. "I'm the Vice President at Shinetime Entertainment in Los Angeles."

"Oh, we have spoken... I handled your tables tonight." I said with a smile on my face.

He nods his head slightly, "Yes. I thank you so much for arranging that for me. I have one of my clients here tonight and I wanted to make sure he was comfortable."

"You are very welcome. It's my job to make sure it gets done."

"Which is why I want to talk to you... when you're interested in doing something more challenging, call me." he hands me a small white card. "I have been watching your career for a while and I think that you have what it takes to be an extraordinary public relations manager."

            The music starts to play as a sign that we have to be seated. He turns around and says, "Call me. Trust me, you won't regret it."

            Flattered, I turned to find my mother. I wanted to share this news with her. I scanned through the room to find her sitting at the table talking to a much younger man... he had to be about my age. She was smiling and laughing with him. Maybe she was going after the young ones now. Whatever makes her happy I guess, maybe a younger guy will keep her busy and out of my hair about work and Chad. Instead of interrupting her I walk through the room making sure everything was running smoothly before I took my seat.

            "How was your night?" my mothers asked me as we got in the car to finally go home.

"It was great. Very productive night." I smiled really big, "I got a job offer!"

"A less demanding job?" she asked.

"No." I said frustrating. "Sam McDonnell said it he has a more challenging job for me."

"So more time... More devotion... I get it. You may never marry the love of your life and give me grandchildren."

"I want to focus on my career right now, when that is set in stone I will work on finding the love of my life and having grandchildren for you." I rolled my eyes at her. This was going to end in a huge argument.

            Awkward silence lingered for moments before my mother started a different topic. "The dresses were just beautiful tonight. It looked like we were at the Oscars on the red carpet. It was beautiful"

"There sure was some amazing dresses tonight..." I agreed. "I would like my wedding dress to look like the white dress did tonight."

"You mean the white dress with one shoulder and all that detailing on it?" She had noticed it as well.

"Yes. That one. I loved it. I stared at it every time she came close to me."

"So, when you get married it will be with an amazing guy who loves every piece of you. It will be a guy that misses the warmth of your smile when you're away for an hour..."

"I'm not fighting with you about this again."

She looked over at me with the deepest look of sincerity in her eyes, "Promise me you will marry the love of your life and trust him with everything you have."

            A loud squeal of rubber and concrete burning into one is piercing the ear drum, the smashing of metal come crashing together. Lights from all direction were all I could see. I felt my mother's body slam against mine, which causes everything to go black again.

"MOM" I screamed when I finally opened my eyes... but there was no response from her.

"MOM" I began to panic.

"Ma'am, don't move." I heard a male voice say.

"My mom, my mom isn't answering me. Help her."

            I heard the shuffling around of people surrounding the car.

"HELP HER!" I demanded. "My mom needs your help."

"She is already gone... you need to calm down so we can get you out of this car."

"What do you mean she is already gone? She is right there. Help her..." I pleaded. "Help her."

            I felt the paramedic butting the c-collar on my neck and lowering my body onto the backboard. I watched my mother lying in her seat, head tilted back and her eyes closed. I screamed for them to help her but they all ignored me. They didn't want to help her. They were leaving her lay there and not helping.

            The bright lights shining in my eyes will never seem to look the same to me again. I will never forget the emptiness I felt when my eyes opened to see Lexie standing over me with tears in her eyes. I will never forget that bright white light that seemed to never disappear.

On many dark days I've held my breath and driven to the graveyard. Hoping to find some clarity or some understanding and many times I left empty handed, many times I left even more heartbroken but standing here today with flowers in hand, the white dress, and a limo awaiting me, I stand here on a happy day. I'm standing here on the day I marry the love of my life.

"Well mom, I did it." I said staring at her stone. "I listened to everything you have ever had to say to me... I'm getting married today. The white dress, the flowers, the whole nine yards. He is amazing and I know that you love him. He is everything you wanted in a man for me. I know that with each day that passes he loves me even more. I was always stubborn and thought that love should have been the last thing on my agenda but today I stand here and say that my career has become the back seat in my life. Justin and Harlow are the most important people in my life. I have also been blessed to have Lexie, who now has Rob and Noah. Can you believe she actually settled down?" I laughed. "I miss you with every moment I have without you. I know you are okay and you are watching over me. It took me a long time to get there but I'm there. I wanted to share this day with you... I drove two hours in the wrong direction on my wedding day to make sure I got to share this with you. I have the ring you always wore pined to the inside of my dress, laying right on my heart... I brought you the same bouquet that I'm going to carry down the aisle. I hope that they are as beautiful as the ones you would have picked out for me." I placed the bouquet down on ground, leaning it on her stone. "Now I have to get moving if I want to make my sunset wedding. I love you."

I stood there for what felt like forever. I could feel her presence around me. I could smell that vanilla scent she seemed to always wear. I turned and walked towards the limo. I stepped inside, lifting the bottom of the dress up to sit. There was a slight dusting of dirt along the rim of the dress. Anyone else would have been in a panic over a little dirt on the white dress but I saw it as another little piece of my mother with me on this day. "Are you ready?" Lexie asked me as I shut the door behind me.

I could smell her again, like she was going for the ride with me.  "I'm ready... let's do this!"

She sat beside me as we rode from the place we grew up to the place known as Patience. We arrived at the beach house to find Harlow, who was just big enough to walk and she indeed was walking everywhere today, which wore her out. She was resting her head on Paul's shoulder. She loved her pappy that was for sure. She must have heard my voice because she pops her head up. "Momma!" she said in her perfect angelic voice. Every time she says its, it's like the first time all over again. She jumps down off of his lap and runs over to me, jumping into my arms.

"Did you have fun with Pappy?" I asked.

"Yes." She said quickly.

"Are you ready to see Daddy?"

" Me want Daddy see." She says looking up at me.

I raised her up to my face, kissing her forehead. "I want to see Daddy as well. Let's go see him."

Mindy Weiss has not only been my lifesaver she was also known as my wedding planner. She had brought together a beautiful less extravagant wedding ceremony than we had planned at first. We had decided that we wanted it to be about us and about the marriage and about our family.

When I stepped out of the house and onto the first step off the porch I look directly down to Justin, who was standing in his classic black tux, with tears in his eyes. Looking over at Lynn, I see her sobbing at the sight of her son finally getting married. Two things she never expected to have in life were a daughter and grandchildren. She got both. In a private ceremony of fifty guests on the beach, Justin and I became husband and wife.

**

The years that past weren't so crystal clear but the one thing that we always came back to was love. Love conquered all and sometimes with a little bit of persuasion and luck great things happen.

My career had changed slightly in those years. I had become the President of Shinetime Entertainment. But the real achievement was Justin. He was an accomplished musician and artists but he added another credited label to his name.

            When the day came quicker than we thought it would the pressure was building up for Justin. He had won a Golden Globe weeks earlier which meant he was the front runner to win the Academy Award. Never has an award show been so much pressure on him. He was proud of the achievement he had made on this movie. He has stepped out of his box and made a great role and outstanding role. He took the job after weeks of back and forth. His label wanted him to put out a new album but he felt drawn to the character. Finally he comprised, telling the label he would return to the studio immediately after filming to record a new album. He would have the music out by the time the movie was out in theaters. He never expected the role to become what it has today. The movie had rave reviews and his performance was early contender for awards season very early on. He never thought for a moment that he would be nominated for any kind of acting he would do.

            Having a dozen people in this hotel room today wasn't comforting. Everyone kept asking if he was ok, how he felt about the night, and kept talking to him as if he was going to win. It was making him a nervous wreck. Finally once he was ready and everyone was forced out of the room I took him into my arms. Trying not to have my makeup rub off on his tuxedo. "I love you. Breathe. Whatever is going to happen tonight is going to happen. You can't change anything now. Let's just enjoy it."

"I knew there was a reason I married you." He leans down to kiss me. "I love you, Mrs. Timberlake." He shakes his head with excitement. "You would think after three years I would be used to you having my last night but every time I say it, it gets sweeter!"

"It does have a nice ring to it."

He lets go of my hand and steps back to look at me. "We don't have to go. I would much rather take that fifty thousand dollar dress off of you and crumble it on the floor."

I pulled him back closer to me. Slowly raising my head on the side of his face, grazing his face with mine, running my hands over his chest and down to his lower abdomen, resting my nose next to his ear I whisper, "We don't have time."

He drops his head, "I thought for just a moment you were going to cave in."

"If you win Mr. Timberlake... if you win we can do whatever you want on the way to the after party."

"The pressure thickens." He jokes. "Let's go get this over with. I think I need a drink."

I took his hand into mine as I felt the coldness of the platinum ring on his left hand. "I love you. No matter how this night ends, I love you."

            Walking the red carpet is always a challenge; complete madness is the only way to explain it. But the carpet was a better feeling than setting here waiting for this moment. His category was one of the last ones. So we couldn't just get it over with. As he sat in that seat, he got more anxious.

            The envelope slowly gets opened, the room is quiet. "The winner is.... Justin Timberlake." Even the presenter looked a little shocked.

            Shock runs over his face as his name is called as the winner. He stays sitting in his seat. He was sure that he wouldn't win he was ninety nine percent sure. When they called his name he sat there.

"Babe... you won!" I said calmly.

            He stands nervously, kisses me and walks slowly to the podium. I begin to have tears stream down my face. I was the proud wife. Turning to grace the crowd he is humble. He stands, shaking the statue in his hands, looking out over the crowd taking in the moment, his moment, a moment of greatness. The entire room stands in ovation. "WOW! This is a shock. Who would have thought the guy who was a straight to DVD actor would be standing up here today... I bet none of you did!..." he laughs, attempting to calm himself. "Wow! I need to thanks my parents who have stood beside me through everything in my life. They gave up so much for me to be where I am today and I will be forever grateful for that. I have so many people to thank that were involved with this movie but I'm sorry at this moment I can't remember any of your names.  Please don't take offence to that." Everyone laughs with him. He looks over at me, "Can you believe this?" he shakes his head trying to contain himself. "This... this is for my beautiful wife..." his eyes begin to well up with water, "Whom I don't think I would get through each day without. I love her more than life in itself. I promised her that if she married me I would make her a very happy woman but I have to admit, I was the lucky one. I'm a very happy man. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't have taken this role. I was going to focus on music but she said to me that if I had a connection with the character at all to take it. Take a chance on it. And I thought about it and my wife took the biggest chance on me years ago. I took a leap of faith, trusted her instincts and I was glad I did. By the way... you have a promise to have to come through with now!" I laughed, nodding my head yes. "And this..." he waves the statue in the air again. "This is simply icing on the cake." He looks up at the teleprompter, "Wrap it up? Ha this will never happen again, I'm going to soak up every second I can... Harlow and Jensen... Daddy loves you, but you better be getting ready for bed... okay okay... Thank you to everyone that I have ever had the pleasure of working with over the years. Thank you to my management! Thank you thank you thank you thank you!!"

            The music starts to play; he knew he had to shut up now. Instead of heading into the backstage area he runs back down those stairs and leaps into my arms. "I love you" he says as he lifts me off the ground and spins me around. "Take the journey with me, share this moment with me."