This is not happening.

No.

No. No. No. No. No!

"Deep breaths..." I mumbled, trying to soathe myself, but creating the opposite effect when the voice that was not mine came from the body that was not mine. I looked at my reflection in the rearview mirror and let out a shaky breath as Justin's piercing blue eyes stared back with a nervous scowl creasing his forehead.

My forehead.

My... His. I don't know! Am I claiming these parts? These... male parts?

"OH MY GAWD!" A scream caused me to snap my neck in the direction of the driver's side window. Two blondes and a brunette, sitting comfortably in a convertible, were waving frantically at me. I gripped the staring wheel of Justin's black new Cadillac and tried to smile, but from the looks on their faces, I could tell it wasn't good. I had never been so grateful to see a green light in my life as I hit the gas and counted to ten, trying to clear my mind.

But I couldn't. I had a penis. My best friend's penis. I had Justin Randall Timberlake's penis... attached... to me... in his body.

My mind would not clear up. It remained mucky and only crowded more as I tried to remember how to get to my apartment while staying on smaller streets. Justin never took main streets to my apartment. He always told me the paps would follow and ultimately destroy me with questions and lots of pictures, and as I drove slowly down one way streets, paranoia consumed me.

Was that jeep behind me two stops ago? Where did the convertible girls go? Did that cop beep at me?

I was on edge the entire time. I didn't have I.D., I was wearing dirty sweats and a wife beater I found in Justin's gym bag in the backseat of the truck and I didn't even brush my teeth... His teeth... Our teeth! GOT DAMN IT!

I turned sharply and the tires screeched as I braked and tried to regain myself. The last thing I needed to do was get a scratch on this car. I would kill myself. Justin loved this car so much that even his Momma couldn't drive it. It was Justin's car. His baby. His pimped out set of wheels. He told me once that only his pastey white ass could relax and form itself against the plush leather driver's seat and that if I ever had the nerves to try and drive the car, the friendship was over.

Technically... it's his ass in the seat and I did just happen to grab these keys from the key hook in the garage, so I'm not doing anything wrong. Technically.

Who was I kidding? Justin will have a fit when I pull up in this car at my apartment, but I can only hope he knows we've got bigger fish to fry. Like the issue of him in my body.

I just assumed that he would be for some reason... why else would I be in his? We had to have switched... Or was I floating around out there with Marilyn Manson in my body? What if I was lying somewhere dead and Justin's soul was gone off somewhere?

What if?

Oh, sweet Jesus, please be in my body! I mentally prayed as I finally got up to my complex, parked in a handicap spot, and jetted upstairs. I rode up the elevators eight floors before jumping off and getting looks from some of my neighbors who still, after all these years, never cease to be amazed at the sight of Justin. I jogged down the hall and automatically reached into my pockets for keys I knew I didn't have. I had only grabbed a car key because I wasn't thinking about my apartment in the mist of my panic. My only objective was to escape lesbian sex with Cassie.

I groaned and it was deep and manly and I was almost proud of my effortless throatiness until I remembered I was, in fact, a man now. I knocked on the door and knocked some more when nobody answered in the two seconds between my knocking.

"Justin!" I yelled before stopping myself. "Fran.. Franny!?" I felt crazy for calling my own name, but I knew that I would look crazy to everybody else for calling out to Justin.

"Who is it?" a hissing came from behind the door and pressed my ear against the mahogany wood.

"It's me."

"Me?" the person inquired before I soon realized that it was my voice whispering.

"Justin?" I called softly, praying to God it was him.

"Franny?" My heart did a backflip as I stood up straight and did a happy dance.

"Yes!" I assured, very loudly, "Open up the damn door!" The door was nearly ripped from its hinges as it flew open and I ran inside my apartment, dropping to the floor in an exhausted heap. I rubbed my face into the carpet and touched the smoothness.

"Get my face off the floor!" I heard my voice say as I rolled onto my back when the door locked. There I stood, in a nighty and a ponytail. My hands dropped lazily at my sides as I held an annoyed expression on my face. I crawled over to me and got on my knees, amazed at the fact that I was already halfway up my stomach and I was just on my knees. Justin was damn tall, I tell ya. When I stood and found myself towering over my body, I smirked. So this is what its like to see the top of my head.

Which I realized was wet.

"Why is my hair wet?" I asked, clearing his throat before gasping, "You didn't shower, did you?" Justin looked down sheepishly and nodded before I screamed. "Oh my god! You saw me naked?" I hadn't even thought about that. Nakedness.

"I wasn't trying to," he quickly explained, "I thought I was dreaming and I was trying to shower to wake up. . ."

"You couldn't just run into a wall or something?"

"I figured you'd be pissed if I messed up this pretty little face of yours," he told me, "And what the hell are you wearing?" I looked down at the sweat stained beater and baggy sweat pants before looking down at Justin.

"They were in your gym bag," I shrugged before he looked at me with full digust. I didn't know my face could contort like that.

"That is disgusting!" he exclaimed, "Take that off! Shower, now!" He pushed and pushed and I stumbled toward my bathroom.

"Umm... what clothes do you expect me to wear?" I inquired, "My apartment equals women's clothes."

"I saw some men's clothes in your closest. They're new," Justin said, "Put on those."

"I brought that outfit for Darnell's birthday gift," I said, "I'm not putting that on you."

"I'm your best friend," Justin pouted and I took in how cute I was with that face. No wonder he hated when I did that. "I can't have you running around in my body looking a hot ass mess and smelling like one too. That's not Justin Timberlake. If you're gonna be me, you gotta be me."

"But I'm not you," I said, "Justin, we shouldn't be getting comfortable in our bodies, we should be trying to escape them. This isn't right, at all. I have a penis!"

"A very nice one, might I add," he joked and I rolled my eyes, "You can't do that in my body. I'm going to look gay."

"Look gay?" I quipped and he gave me a bored expression.

"Seriously, I'm a man and you have to act as such until we figure out how to fix this... thing." He sighed and walked over to the couch, plopping down and spreading my legs as he slouched. "This is such bullshit."

"While we're on the topic, Justin, boo, baby..." I cooed, "I don't spread 'em like a two dollar whore and I don't slouch." Justin looked down at my open legs.

"I'm in the apartment," he said, "I'm trying to relax."

"I'm a lady when I relax. Now, cross 'em or tuck them underneath." He crossed his legs and rolled his eyes as he sat up. "Good job." He rolled my eyes at me in his body. My body... no, his body. Fuck.

"So... what are we?" Justin inquired cautiously, "Can I call this my body because it's hard to say that these are your feet when it's technically mine, but technically yours."

"I guess we should just say its ours," I told him, "As weird as it sounds, we can't not claim these parts of ours."

"This is so weird," Justin said, burying his face in his hands... yes, his, not mine. That was easier to say. "My mom's gonna freak when I tell her."

"Tell her what?" I asked, placing my hands on my hips, "I hope you're not talking about this situation."

"I have to tell her," Justin whined, "She might be able to help."

"How?" I asked rhetorically, "Has she done this stuff before?" I asked, gesturing between himself and I.

"No, she hasn't," he grumbled, "But maybe she'll find somebody who can."

"Who? Jesus?!" I shrieked, "Justin, I'm not going to some asylum because you had to run and tell your mama all about this."

"She wouldn't put us in an asylum," Justin stated with certainty.

"Yeah, but somebody will," I said, "You're Justin Timberlake. This will get out somehow and you'll be on the cover of star. Shit, I'll be on the cover of star because they'll think I'm just losing my mind because they'll think I'm you!

"Fran, you're spazzing," Justin calmly pointed out, "Calm down." I didn't even notice I was hyperventilating until he pointed it out and shushed me to a calmer state.

"Look, Jay, just ... lets keep this to ourselves for a while, okay?" I said, "I'll look some shit up and see if anything like this has ever happened."

"But what are we gonna do in the meantime?" he asked, "I have an interview in two days and I made dinner plans tonight with Cassie..."

"Oh shit, I have dinner with Darnell." I groaned. "I can't cancel, it's his birthday!"

"How sad," Justin mumbled, "Looks like ol' boy will be spending it alone."

"No, you have to go!" I said, "I made dinner reservations and I picked out the dress and his present."

"Get a fuckin' raincheck," Justin snapped with a sour face, "I'm not going out with Darnell."

----------------------------------- 

And I wasn't. She must be completely insane if she thinks I'm going out with that man. I don't care how much of a woman I was, there wasn't enough estrogen in the world to make me go out with a man.

"But Justin..." she whined and squished up my face in a very distasteful manner. I hope I didn't look like that when I begged. It made me wonder how Cassie could say yes to having sex with me.

"No," I firmly squeaked out with her feminine tone. It sounded so much better when I said it out of my own mouth. Franny's soft voice did nothing for me.

"Well, if you don't go out with Darnell, I'm not going out with Cassie," she childishly said as she crossed my arms across my chest and turned around indignantly.

"Now that's completely different," I complained, "Cassie and I always have dinner on Friday. It's our thing!"

"Well, birthday dinners are my thing," she quipped and I narrowed my eyes at her.

"You just wanted to get laid tonight," I fumed. She gasped.

"I did not!" she denied, "And what sense would that make? You're in my body, not me. I wouldn't feel anything."

"I'm sure it's not that great anyway, so don't hype it up now."

"You're an asshole, Justin," she grumbled, "I should call Cassie up and break things off with her... Or maybe I should drain all your accounts into mine."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Wouldn't I, Justin?" she inquired, "Wouldn't I?"

"Look, we're both staying in tonight. I'll just tell Cassie something happened with Darnell and you and she'll understand."

"I'd like to see you try." I scoffed and grabbed her apartment phone before dialing the familiar digits. It wasn't until the second ring that I realized something: it wouldn't be my voice informing her, it would be Franny's and then she'd ask to speak with me and Franny would refuse. I hung up and looked over at myself as a smug smile crossed my features, confirming my earlier thoughts.

"You're a douchebag," I mumbled as she snickered.

"So... dinner?" I groaned and buried my now small face into my even smaller hands.

"Do I really have a choice?"

-------------------------------------------------

I cannot believe I’m actually standing here, waiting for that man to show up. I cannot believe I have to pretend to actually enjoy the company of penis. I can’t believe I’m actually gay because that’s the only conclusion I’ve come to that has made any sense. Why else would I be standing in a dress halfway up my ass waiting for a douche to come by and take me out to dinner and try and touch me the entire night?

Fuckin’ Franny.

These flats were starting to bug me and my toes, but I wasn’t even trying to bitch about them. Franny had me running around in stilettos all day trying to get me to walk in them, but every man has his limits; even Justin Timberlake. I can do a one hand stand after a couple of gravity defying break dance moves, but I can’t walk a foot in heels without landing on my face or ass or in one interesting occurrence, both.

I groaned as I picked at the lacey boy shorts Franny made me wear. They were riding up my ass and making me walk funny and I almost wanted to tear them off, but the thought of not having underwear on while on a date with a man made my gayness levels rise even higher in my mind. Besides, if I picked at this wedgie all throughout the date, maybe Darnell will run off or something.

"Justin, please…" Franny whined, slapping my hand from my ass before tugging at the hem of the dress bottom.

"Maybe if these panties weren’t so small…"

"They’re the right size," Franny huffed, "And I don’t appreciate you digging all up my butt."

"And I don’t appreciate these panties digging all up my butt either, but what can I do?" She rolled her eyes (well, my eyes…) and checked herself in the mirror. I must say, I did look good and I knew Cassie would wear a white dress to match my white polo, white pants ensemble.

"Don’t pout, it makes me look even younger." I frowned at Franny’s reflection as she reprimanded me.

"Don’t women like looking younger?"

"Yeah, when they're forty," she distractedly mumbled as she turned from the mirror and faced me. "I look good."

"Thanks?" I stated with uncertainty before she sighed.

"I know you don’t like him, Justin," Franny suddenly breathed, casting my blue eyes downward at my white sneakers as she picked at my nails. I hated when she did that nail shit and now she was messing with my hands, but I didn’t try to interrupt her rant. "But I really, really, really like Darnell and I don’t want you to go on this date and try to sabotage anything and I know its weird, but could you pretend to like him…just a little?"

"Franny, I can’t stand the guy, but I do care about you, so of course I won’t try and sabotage this thing you’ve got going." I huffed, somewhat offended that she’d think I was capable of doing such things… even if I had been plotting in the back of my mind to key his car and scream rape if he tried to touch me.

"Thanks…but seriously, no funny business."

"As long as Mr. Man knows where his hands belong, I’m not going to have any funny business," I stated before looking down at the shirt, I mean, dress, I was wearing. "But maybe I should put on some jeans instead."

"I don’t know where he’s taking me," Franny reasoned, "So a dress is the best bet. Good for Friday’s or Bellucci’s."

"Or a drive thru…" I mumbled, picking at the straps that were falling down my shoulders. Damn Franny and her smooth skin. The girl needs a rough spot to stop keep these straps up. The bra I was wearing (oh god, I’m wearing a bra!) was irking my soul. She just laughed when I told her that and told me that I better hope this is over in less than three days or Aunt Flow was coming for a visit. I asked her who the hell that was and she just laughed in my face.

It took me a minute to piece it together and now I’m praying every two seconds for this to just be over.

"Darnell goes through drive thru’s when I ask him too," Franny impugned, "And I’m sure he’s not going to take me to Mickey D’s when it’s his birthday and I look this good." I grunted and fluffed my curls.

"I can’t believe I had a fro back in the day," I smirked as she chuckled behind me, "What the hell was I thinking?"

"You were self-conscious about all that head of yours," Franny answered. "Especially since Steve called you melon top when he was six."

"That kid is evil," I whined.

"That kid was six!" Franny laughed, releasing a throaty chuckle from my mouth, snapping me back into reality.

"This is so weird," I pointed out and she nodded as I turned to face myself. The body that no longer belonged to me, at least not in the moment. The body that couldn’t touch Cassie or hug its best friend the same. I was saddened by the thought of never having it again and Franny nudged my chin playfully.

"Cheer up, buddy," she told me, hugging me sideways, "We’ll figure this out."

-------------------------------------------------------

Shit, we had to figure it out because when I pulled up to Justin's mansion and Cassie was standing outside with her arms crossed over her chest, I knew she was still angry about this morning. Good thing for Justin that I'm a woman and I can handle these things. I got out of the car, smug and smooth, and walked over to where she stood. Cassie held her head to the side, pretending to resist how hot I looked. Justin cleaned up pretty well and now I knew what it was like to be the cocky bastard that he was. He told that Cassie found his arrogance sexy and to be as chill as possible, even she got mad.

"Hey, baby..." I greeted as I reached out and gently touched her cheek. She slowly turned toward me. "You look... amazing." I checked her out, up and down, and licked my lips. She was giggling before I knew it and I was shocked. Damn, Justin has it like that?

"Thank you," she said shyly tugging at her white sun dress, "I guess you look all right."

"Thanks," I smiled before adding, "I'm really sorry about earlier." Justin had made me apologize a million times over the phone already while she was at work before we headed down to his place to get my outfit and set dinner with her. He still told me to apologize once I saw her though, just to make it sincere and soften her up.

"Oh, it's okay, baby," she cooed, "Just don't scare me like that again."

"I won't," I assured. I could feel a kiss coming on so I turned my head and kissed her cheek instead. She smiled and seemed satisfied as I took her arm and led her back to the car. The drive to the resturant was fine. Cassie babbled on and on about some couple we apparently had dinner with last week. I laughed and smiled. I had no idea who they were and I certainly wasn't around for dinner, so what else was I going to do?

"We're here," I say, pulling up to the valet and stepping out of the car. I was already handing my keys over by the time I looked around and saw no Cassie. I looked into the car and she was sitting there, arms crossed. I walked over to the window and tapped it, motioning for her to get out. She rolled her eyes and got out of the car, slamming the door shut. I got a look from the valet and just smiled at him as Cassie angry walked up to the entrance. What the fuck was her deal?

"Cassie," I called and she stopped walking when she reached the door. I stood in front of her and smoothed my hands down her arm in a comforting matter. Justin told me she liked that.

"You didn't even open the door for me," she whined and I was confused for a moment.

"Oh," I said, when it finally hit me, "The car door?" She nodded. "I'm sorry, babe, I didn't even realize." I wasn't sorry, I was annoyed. You can't open a door now? I was tempted to ask if her arm was broken.

"It's okay, I'm sorry," she said, placing her hands on my chest. I cringed. I never want to be this close to Cassie ever again. "I guess I'm still worried something's wrong. This morning was just... crazy."

"Nothing's wrong," I squeaked out, "You worry way too much, girl. I'm fine, you're fine. We're fine." She stood on her toes to kiss me and I planted a kiss on her forehead instead. "C'mon." I took her hand and led her inside of the restaurant before she could react, careful to hold the door for her.

When we got inside, some heads turned as we were seated in a secluded area. Cassie and I chatted briefly before the waiter came with the menus. I opened it up and gasped.

"Oh my..." I looked at the prices in amazement. "It's like fourty bucks for juice!" Cassie smiled awkwardly, looking around at some of the curious eyes.

"This place is cheaper than most places you go to," she mumbled, "And this is my favorite restaurant. You've never complained before."

"I know..." I stammered, "I was just kidding, baby. Ha. Joke?" She raised a brow and looked down at her menu without another word. Good. Now she won't try to kiss me. Be annoyed all you want, woman.

By the end of dinner, we chatted a bit, but not enough to assure we were okay. I ordered water and ate the bread, refusing to pay almost fifty dollars for steak. Cassie ate to her heart's content and told me to tip fourty bucks. I was so mad, but chucked it out anyway. We didn't talk on the way back to her place and she kissed my cheek before climbing out of the car. I drove away fast and made my way to my apartment. I had my keys this time, so I let myself up and in my home. I was exhausted. Pretending took a lot out of you. I stripped down to boxers and a t-shirt and slipped into bed. My feet hung a little off the foot of it because Justin was so much bigger than I was. I felt like I was in munkin land. Was I really that tiny?

Speaking of Justin, I wondered if his night was as terrible as mine. If he does anything, I'm going to kill him.

After I get him out of my body, of course.

----------------------------------

I can't believe I'm saying this, but Darnell was quite the gentleman. He held doors and pulled out chairs and the only physical contact was a kiss on the cheek, an elbow touch, and a knee rub. None were comfortable, but all were respectable. He was pretty funny too. I can see why Franny liked him and I believed that if we met under different circumstances, we'd get along.

But now that dinner was over and he said he'd serve dessert at his place, I was getting nervous. I had already planned on telling him I had a visitor so we'd avoid the whole sex issue if it came up. I know I should've just declined dessert all together, but Fran asked me to give his gift at his house and told me he always made peach cobbler for dessert. What was I suppose do? Say no to cobbler?

We got to his place and opened the door for me. I stepped inside and looked around. It was a nice place. Nice and nutural. Woods and oranges and greens and yellows. It looked like a Pottery Barn ad.

"Nice place, man," I nodded in appreciation and he chuckled.

"You always say that," he smiled and I shrugged.

"Do I?" I asked and he chuckled.

"You're so cute," he commented locking the doors. I walked away to the other side of the room and pretended to look at the art on his wall. I knew that line. I used that line. It's the 'I'm gonna kiss you right after I say this just so you can know how cute you really are' line. If I didn't make a beeline for his Picasso, Darnell would've been trying to play a game of tongue wars with me and I will have to say I'll pass on that opportunity.

"So... cobbler?" I inquired.

"Kitchen," he gestured to his side and led the way. We sat down at a mahogany kitchen table and chit chatted about miscellaneous things. It was nice and I was yawning after stuffing my face with ice cream and cobbler. It was really good. I wondered if he baked it, but didn't want to ask since I'm sure Franny already did. I just thanked him as he took the dishes and washed them. I sat back and spread my legs wide as I grew increasingly more tired. It wasn't until I remembered Franny's rant about sitting that I crossed my legs instead and right in the nick of time. Darnell turned around as he dried his hands on towel.

"Good?" he asked and I nodded.

"Really good," I assured. I sighed and looked around the kitchen as silence engulfed us. This was pretty fucking awkward, but Darnell was just all smiles. I couldn't figure out why he was being so creepy.

"You're really beautiful," he stated and I smiled even more awkwardly.

"Thanks," I said.

"Thank you for gracing me with your presence." I had to fight off the sour face I was making on the inside. Gracing me with your presence? Was this cat for real?

"You're welcome?" he chuckled and walked over to me. I looked up at him from my spot at the table and smirked. "Hey."

"Hey," he whispered and it was husky as hell. He trying to seduce me and I was insulted. Cobbler and a compliment is how easy Franny is? Not tonight.

"I have my period and it's pretty heavy, so you're not getting laid." He grimaced and backed up.

"Franny, you know there's no need for all that to be said," he tried to smile, but he was disturbed. "I already told you have no problem waiting. There's no pressure."

"Waiting?" I asked. Holy shit, they haven't had sex yet?

"Yes, waiting, you know, what you said you wanted to do." He looked as confused as I felt. "You're the one who said it."

"Yeah... I know," I stammered, "Um... I'm pretty tired... Maybe I should be heading home now."

"You don't want to spend the night?" If I were a straight woman by the name of Franny, that pout on his face would've stopped me from grabbing my purse and walking towards the door, but since I am a straight man named Justin, I could care less.

"Nope," I answered, "I'd rather sleep alone in my own bed tonight." He shrugged.

"All right," he said nonchalantly, but I knew he was disappointed. Franny better not be mad about that. She didn't say anything about spending the night anywhere.

"All right, then," I continued on, "I guess this is goodnight." He chuckled.

"I have to take you home first," he smiled. "And then we say goodnight."

"Oh, right..." I said dumbly as he grabbed his keys and we walked out of the kitchen and through the living room. He got the door and we walked out to his car. He held the door again and I slipped inside as he shut it behind me. I sighed once I got my seat belt on. I missed being the gentelman. I missed Cassie.

"You all right?" Darnell asked and I didn't even notice he got in the car and started the ignition.

"Yeah," I smiled weakly, "Just tired."

It wasn't a complete lie. I was tired. I was tired of dresses and high heeled shoes. I was tired of not having my life back.