Summary: Melody Beam was ready to live a normal life when a chance encounter in a pet store changes her life. As her new carrer takes off, she falls in love with the man that changed it all.
Categories: Completed Het Stories Characters: Group, JC Chasez, Lance Bass
Awards: None
Genres: Alternate Universe, Celebrity/Celebrity, Drama, General, Romance
Challenges: None
Series: The Rhythm of Life
Chapters: 70 Completed: Yes
Word count: 37326 Read: 184853
Published: Jan 29, 2010 Updated: Jan 31, 2010
1. One by Dawn Dustings
2. Two by Dawn Dustings
3. Three by Dawn Dustings
4. Four by Dawn Dustings
5. Five by Dawn Dustings
6. Six by Dawn Dustings
7. Seven by Dawn Dustings
8. Eight by Dawn Dustings
9. Nine by Dawn Dustings
10. Ten by Dawn Dustings
11. Eleven by Dawn Dustings
12. Twelve by Dawn Dustings
13. Thirteen by Dawn Dustings
14. Fourteen by Dawn Dustings
15. Fifteen by Dawn Dustings
16. Sixteen by Dawn Dustings
17. Seventeen by Dawn Dustings
18. Eighteen by Dawn Dustings
19. Nineteen by Dawn Dustings
20. Twenty by Dawn Dustings
21. Twenty-One by Dawn Dustings
22. Twenty-Two by Dawn Dustings
23. Twenty-Three by Dawn Dustings
24. Twenty-Four by Dawn Dustings
25. Twenty-Five by Dawn Dustings
26. Twenty-Six by Dawn Dustings
27. Twenty-Seven by Dawn Dustings
28. Twenty-Eight by Dawn Dustings
29. Twenty-Nine by Dawn Dustings
30. Thirty by Dawn Dustings
31. Thirty-One by Dawn Dustings
32. Thirty-Two by Dawn Dustings
33. Thirty-Three by Dawn Dustings
34. Thirty-Four by Dawn Dustings
35. Thirty-Five by Dawn Dustings
36. Thirty-Six by Dawn Dustings
37. Thirty-Seven by Dawn Dustings
38. Thirty-Eight by Dawn Dustings
39. Thirty-Nine by Dawn Dustings
40. Forty by Dawn Dustings
41. Forty-One by Dawn Dustings
42. Forty-Two by Dawn Dustings
43. Forty-Three by Dawn Dustings
44. Forty-Four by Dawn Dustings
45. Forty-Five by Dawn Dustings
46. Forty-Six by Dawn Dustings
47. Forty-Seven by Dawn Dustings
48. Forty-Eight by Dawn Dustings
49. Forty-Nine by Dawn Dustings
50. Fifty by Dawn Dustings
51. Fifty-One by Dawn Dustings
52. Fifty-Two by Dawn Dustings
53. Fifty-Three by Dawn Dustings
54. Fifty-Four by Dawn Dustings
55. Fifty-Five by Dawn Dustings
56. Fifty-Six by Dawn Dustings
57. Fifty-Seven by Dawn Dustings
58. Fifty-Eight by Dawn Dustings
59. Fifty-Nine by Dawn Dustings
60. Sixty by Dawn Dustings
61. Sixty-One by Dawn Dustings
62. Sixty-Two by Dawn Dustings
63. Sixty-Three by Dawn Dustings
64. Sixty-Four by Dawn Dustings
65. Sixty-Five by Dawn Dustings
66. Sixty-Six by Dawn Dustings
67. Sixty-Seven by Dawn Dustings
68. Sixty-Eight by Dawn Dustings
69. Sixty-Nine by Dawn Dustings
70. Seventy by Dawn Dustings
“May I help you?” the sales clerk asked as I stepped into the pet store.
“Nah, I’ll just browse for now.” I tell him. I walk over to the kittens that are up for adoption. I was rubbing one that had it’s paw sticking out of the cage when someone bumped into me.
“Oops! Sorry. I didn’t see you behind me.” the guy said.
“It’s ok, this cat didn’t eat me.” I said back. The guy laughed and turned so I could see his face. He had cheek length hair that he had flipped out, a great smile and sparkling blue eyes.
“My name is Josh, but my friends call me Jc.” he said, extending his hand out for a handshake.
“I’m Melody.” I said as I shook his hand. He turned to the cats.
“This one looks friendly.” he said of the one I had been scratching.
“Yeah. I wish I had the money to adopt it.” I sighed. He turned to me.
“Don’t you have enough?” I turned to face him and looked deep into his eyes.
“No, but I wish I did though, it’s so cute!” I turned and walked into the dog section. Josh followed me, and we chatted about things and stuff and by the time I left, we had exchanged phone numbers. I went to my car, and popped my burned relaxing CD into the player. As some of my favorite songs came on, my mind wouldn’t leave Josh alone. I kept repeating my entire experience with him. I remember every detail we talked about, and when I pull into my driveway, I realized how much I liked talking to him. I get out of my car and walk into the four-bedroom house my father had bought and left to me. I check my mail, all of it was junk. I head upstairs and grab a few towels and my robe to take a relaxing bath. I put on my Jazz CD and throw some scented salts into the bath. I undress and climb in. I lie there and unwound for a half hour or so. My thoughts were one hundred percent Josh.
“I wonder if I’m going to meet those friends of his that he kept talking about.” I wonder to myself as I get out and head to bed.
“Yeah, I love you too, Jack. Ok, Bye.” I hung up my phone and it rings again before I can even put it down.
“Hello?” I ask.
“Hi Melody?” It’s Josh. “I was wondering if you would like to meet my friends today. What do you think?” Josh asked.
“Well, I was planning on staying home today and watching old cartoons and stuff.” I laughed.
“So it’s a yes?” he asks hopefully.
“Yeah. Sure. Give me 30 minutes to get ready.” I said.
“OK! I’ll see you in 30!” he says. “Wait! What’s your address?” I give him my address and head up to the bathroom and start to get ready. I put on a halter top and shorts along with my favorite pair of flip-flops. By the time I get downstairs to grab my purse, the doorbell is ringing. I open the door to see Josh standing there with his elbow against the doorframe, his hair flipped out perfectly and wearing a black shirt that had ROCK STAR studded onto it.
“Hey.” I said.
“Hey. Ready to go? I’ll drive.”
“Yeah, lets go.” I say as I step out and lock the door. I followed Josh to his pick up truck and climbed into the seat. He started the truck and pulled out of the driveway and took off down the street.
“I have to work for a little while, but after I’m done, we spend some time together alone?” He glances over at me. “I work with my friends, so I’ll introduce you to them.” he adds when he sees the look on my face.
“That sounds alright to me.” I say. Josh pulls into a parking lot and pulls in between a Toyota 4 Runner and a PT Cruiser. Josh turns the truck off and gets out. He waits for me as I get out. We enter the building and Josh leads me to a room down a hall. It was a recording studio. There were four other guys there when we walk in.
“Hey guys. This is Melody. Melody, this is Lance, Chris, Joey and Justin,” he said pointing to each guy in turn.
“Hi.” I said to them. They say hello to me. Josh turns to look at me.
“We’re here to record some songs for our upcoming album, Illusions.” He says. I look at the guys and Josh.
“Oh. My. God, Josh! You didn’t tell me you were a pop star!”
“Melody, please, Melody, don’t go! I’m sorry I hadn’t told you. I figured you would figure that out by now. I’m sorry.” Josh called after me, since I had started to leave. I turned back around, and looked him in the eye.
“Why should I, Josh? Why should I stay? You should have told me what you did for a living!” I told him, angrily.
“Because if you leave, I may never have the chance to have a friend for me, and not because of my fame. The guys are the only people I can trust outside of my family. My last girlfriend cheated on me, and I just need a friend.” Josh said with a tear in his eye. When he finished, he let it roll down his cheek. I walked up to him and wiped the tear off his face before it fell off his chin and looked into his eyes.
“I’m sorry Josh, but it does come as a shock when you find out about something like that the way I did.” I told him in a softer voice. The other guys were peeking at us through the door. I saw Lance duck his head back in the room, smiling.
“Come on Josh, you have some work to do.” I grabbed his hand and led him back into the studio. Now there was an extra man there.
“Johnny, this is Melody.” Josh says.
“There you are, JC. Nice to meet you Melody. JC, you need to get in there, NOW.” Josh went to the other side, where he stood with the other guys. Lance said something to him, and he blushed slightly. The music started, and Josh took a deep breath and started to sing with his eyes mostly closed.
“Wow. I never knew that music could consume someone that much. It’s amazing.” I breathed. Johnny looks at me.
“Those guys have what it takes. What’s up with you and JC?” he asked.
“We kind of bumped into each other yesterday, and he asked if I wanted to meet his friends, and well, here I am.” I answer as they finish the song. Josh was the first one out of the booth.
“Which one next, Johnny?” he asked.
“We’ll do this one.” Johnny said as he hands Josh some papers. Josh looks at them.
“We need a female counterpart for this one.” Josh said. I look at him.
“May I try it?” I ask innocently.
“Sure.” Johnny gives me a copy of the song. I look it over and start singing what was printed on the paper.
By the time I had finished singing, all six guys were staring at me with their mouths gaping open.
“Johnny, I think we found her.” Josh says.
“Will you sing it for us?” Chris asks.
“Yeah. Why not?” I say. The guys start to smile.
“Well, Melody, it seems you have just started your singing career. That is, if you want one.” Johnny says.
“Can we get this done yet? I want to be with someone.” Justin says. Chris turns on him and makes a big show of batting his eyes at Justin.
“But, J, we’re already together.” He says in a high-pitched voice. Everyone laughs as Justin looks upset and then starts laughing also. I enter the booth with the guys, and I stand between Josh and Justin. The engineers start the music and Justin starts his part. The guys do the chorus, then Josh does his part. After the second chorus, my part comes up. I let the music consume me as I start my part. After my main solo, I do the backup vocals during the choruses. The song finishes.
“Perfect!” the engineer says over the speaker. We leave the booth, and the guys get their next song. Johnny sets up an appointment for me to meet him to talk legal stuff. When the guys finish for the day, Josh comes up to me and leads me back to his car. We get in to his car.
“Why didn’t you tell me you could sing like that?” he asks me.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were famous?” I ask him back. Josh starts the car and asks me if I want to go to lunch, his treat.
“Are you asking me for a date, Mr. Chasez?” I ask him.
“Not at all. I’m only taking a friend out for lunch to celebrate her new career. That’s all.” he says with a straight face.
“If that’s the case, I grant you my consent to take me to lunch.” I say back. Josh pulls into a driveway.
“I need to get something. Do you want to come in?” he asks me.
“Sure. Are you going to show me your underwear drawer?” I ask in a straight face. Josh gets this ‘What?!?’ expression on his face as he gets out of the car. I start laughing.
“Sorry. I just had to ask that. It was worth it. Do you think I could also be a comedian? How about my own movie?” I ask him, smiling.
“Whatever. Come on. Let’s go.” Josh said.
I walk in the front door of Josh’s house.
“Your house is just so nice, Josh!” I say as I step into the kitchen. “What’s for lunch?” I ask as I head over to the refrigerator.
“How about we order out and stay here, then go somewhere afterwards?” he asks me. Just then, his doorbell rings. Josh excuses himself as I jump up and sit on his counter top. After a few minutes, Josh calls me into his living room. I hop down and head to his voice. I walk into his living room and on the couch is this young lady that is obviously very pregnant. Her face is buried into her hands. She is sobbing hysterically. Josh looks at me.
“She’s my neighbor’s daughter, and her parents are very strict with her. They just came back today from a six month vacation, and kicked her out when they saw her like this. She needs a place to stay. What do you think we should do? I wouldn’t mind her being here, but I don’t think it would be good for her to stay here.” Josh told me. Just then, his phone in the kitchen rang. He left to answer it, and I sat down next to the girl.
“What’s your name?” I ask her.
“Cassandra.” she responds between sobs. I ask her how far along she is. She tells me that she’s nine months pregnant and now has nowhere to go now that she got kicked out. Josh’s cell rang. I picked it up. It was Lance.
“Melody? Why are you answering Jc’s cell?” he asks. I tell him that Josh is busy, and that the phone was there, so I answered it.
“Who’s crying over there?” he asks.
“A neighbor is over, that’s all.” I tell him. Lance tells me to have Josh call him back when he gets the chance. We hang up as Josh walks into the room.
“Who was that?” he asks me.
“Lance wants you to call him back when you have the chance.” Cassandra lets out a new set of sobs. I turn to her.
“Would you like to stay with me? I have extra room at my house. Cassandra looks up at me.
“Really? You’ll let me?” she asks me.
“Yeah. It’s not a problem.” I tell her. I look over at Josh. There is something in his eyes that wasn’t there before. After a moment, I realize what it was. It was love.
“Thank you so much for letting me stay here.” Cassie says as I show her a bedroom.
“It really is no problem at all.” I tell her. Cassie gets situated and heads to the bathroom. My doorbell rings. I answer it and there on the doorstep is Jack. I let him in.
“Thanks Jack. It means a lot to me that you came by. I don’t know what else to do or who else to call.
“It’s fine, Melody. I’m happy I’m the one you called. Where is this girl?” Jack asked me.
“She’s upstairs in the bathroom.” I tell Jack. We head up there and wait for her to come out. When she opens the door, she looks frightened.
“Cassie, this is Jack, my brother. He’s an OB/GYN. He can help both of us through this.” I tell her.
“All I want to know is what this mess is.” Cassie says. She is standing in a puddle of clear liquid. Jack takes one look at it.
“Your water broke. You’re in labor.” he says. We both look at him.
“What?!?” we both say in unison.
“I’ll take her to the hospital.” Jack says.
“Melody, will you come with me?” Cassie asks.
“Sure, Cassie. I’ll come.” I tell her. We all pile into Jack’s car, with Jack driving. We reach the local hospital in a few minutes. As Cassie is signing in, I call Josh.
“Cassie’s in labor.” I tell him.
“Where are you? I’ll be right there.” Josh says. I tell him and we hang up. I go back with Cassie and she is put into a delivery room. Soon, she is ready to birth. Jack had taken her case since she didn’t have a doctor. Jack let me stay with Cassie, and I helped her by holding her hand while she pushed. Soon a baby’s cry came into the room. Jack looked up at us.
“It’s a boy!” he says. He hands the baby to Cassie, who looks at it.
“Hi there, little one. This is the only time you get to see me. I have to give you up for adoption. I can’t care for you, I don’t have a house to live in, really. This is your Aunt Melody, though.” I smile as she coos at her baby. After awhile, I head out into the waiting room where I know Josh is waiting.
“How is she?” he asks.
“It’s a boy, and she’s putting it up for adoption. I told her she can stay with me while she recuperates from this.” I tell him. Josh looks at me.
“You are so amazing. I met you yesterday and look at how you are with my neighbor. You helped her through a tough time in her life. I never met anyone like you at all.”
I smiled at what he said. We both went to see Cassie and her son. She was feeding him, and she let us hold him. I held him and faced Josh.
“He’s so adorable! It kind of makes me want my own.” I say.
Josh mumbles something under his breath. I look up at him and asked him what he said.
“Nothing. Cassie, can we take him for a walk?”
“Sure. Do whatever you want to. I need a nap anyways.” she said.
Josh and I took Cassie’s son for a walk around the floor. Many nurses stopped by to look at him and congratulated us on her. I looked at Josh after this had happened a few times.
“Mind if we go somewhere with less people?” I ask him. We end up saying good-bye to Cassie and headed to Josh’s car so he could take me home. In the elevator, we talked. When I was telling him about how I have always wanted my own children, Josh leaned into me and kissed me. On the lips.
I look at Josh as he pulls away.
“What was that?” I ask him. I back up, trying to put as much space between us as I can. The elevator doors open. Josh gets out and turns to look at me.
“Are you coming?” he asks me.
“I think I need some space. I’ll get a ride home with Jack.” I press the button for the maternity floor and wait for the doors to close. I watch Josh as they close. He looks hurt. As soon as the doors close, I lean against the back wall and let some tears fall down my face. The elevator doors open and I step out of them. I head to Jack’s office. He’s at his desk working on paperwork. He looks up as I step into his office.
“Melody, what’s wrong?” he asks as I shut the door.
“I need a ride home, will you take me?” I sit in the chair on the other side of his desk.
“Yeah, sure. Let me finish this paperwork and we’ll head on out of here.” He gets back to his paperwork and I sit there thinking about what happened in the elevator. At last, Jack stood up. He grabs his briefcase and we leave. On the ride home, he tries to get what happened out of me.
“So, who was that guy you were with?” he asks me.
“That’s Josh, I met him yesterday and he’s Cassie’s neighbor.”
“Why didn’t he take you home?”
“Because I didn’t want him to take me home, I wanted to spend some time with you. Is there anything wrong with that? I want to spend some time with my favorite brother. How’s Cindy?”
“Cindy’s doing fine. And I’m your only brother you have. Stop trying to change the subject.”
“Who said I was trying to change the subject? I really did want to spend time with you. So when are you and Cindy going to try for yourselves to have kids?? I want to be an aunt.”
“Cindy and I are not going to have children just so you can be an aunt. And anyways, it’s none of your business when we’re going to try.”
“You’ve already tried, haven’t you?!?!” Jack didn’t answer. He concentrated on driving.
“I knew it!! Is she expecting??” I cry out.
“We don’t know yet, but she thinks she might be, though.” Jack pulls into my driveway. I open the door and start to get out.
“I’ll see you later.” I shut the door. “Does mom know?”
“No, we won’t say anything until we’re sure she is expecting. See ya later, Melody.” Jack pulls out of the driveway and heads to his house. I head into my house to go to bed.
I’m all ready to go to bed when the doorbell rings. I put my robe on and head downstairs to answer it. I open the door to find Josh standing there.
“What do you want?” I ask him.
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry about earlier.” He said with an apologetic look on his face.
“Why did you kiss me?”
“I’ll tell you if you let me in.” Josh says. I stand aside and let him in. I show him to the living room. Josh sits down on the couch. I excuse myself to get some better clothes on. I hurry back to the living room and Josh is sitting where I left him.
“Nice house.” he says.
“Thanks.” I sit down on the chair at the other end of the couch from him. We look at each other nervously.
“About earlier.” Josh says.
“Yes. Why did you kiss me?”
“Well, I felt the urge to, and I tried to fight it, but I couldn’t fight it off. It’s just that with Cassie giving birth, it brought some feelings up in both of us. You were talking about how you have always wanted your own, and I don’t know why, but I thought something about us, and I just wanted to kiss you. I’m sorry I did. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Well, I guess I accept your apology.” I said. Josh and I got to talking about other things, and we spent most of the night talking. He left around two in the morning, when I had finally looked at my watch and said I should get to bed, I had a meeting the next morning with Johnny. I walked him to the door.
“Would you mind if I kissed you on the cheek?” Josh asked me, looking down at me. I thought for a second,
“I guess not.” Josh smiled a little smile and leaned down and pecked my cheek. Then he headed out the door. I shut the door behind him.
“Night, Josh.”
I awoke to my alarm clock going off. I groaned as I sat up and hit the alarm button to turn it off. I pulled myself out of bed and headed to the bathroom. I turned the shower on and looked at myself in the mirror. I put my hand on my cheek where Josh had kissed it last night. I took my shower and got dressed in some nice clothes and was getting ready to leave when my cell phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Hi Mel.”
“Oh, hi Josh. What’s up?”
“Nothing. I have tonight free, I was just wandering if you wanted to come over? We could watch a movie or something.” He asks me.
“Yeah, sure. I’ve got to go, I have that meeting with Johnny. I don’t want to be late.” Josh and I hung up and I left for the meeting. I arrived early, and waited a little while before Johnny opened the door. Johnny ushered me into his office and I sat down at a chair in front of his desk. Johnny asked me if I had ever considered a singing career. I told him I hadn’t really seriously thought of one. There was a knock on the door.
“Come in.” Johnny called. The door opened. Lance stuck his head in.
“Come on in, Lance. You’re just in time.” Johnny gestured to the other chair next to me. Lance walked in and sat down.
“Now, as I was just about to say, I think you have real potential, Melody. I was going to manage you myself, but Lance here has persuaded me to let him manage you. If that’s alright with you.”
“It’s fine with me, I guess. As I had said, I never had thought of pursuing this career professionally. I just sang as a hobby.” I said. Lance smiled.
“If that’s settled, allow me to let you read the contract I can offer you.” He said. He handed me a bundle of papers for me to read. I read through them carefully. I asked a few questions, and Lance and Johnny answered them.
“If it is alright with you, we’ll have someone write all the songs on your first album for you. The public will need to learn your voice and basic style, and you can build from there a very promising career. We know many songwriters that can make mega hits, that’s how we started out. It helps that we have what it takes to be a real group though.” Lance explained. I looked at him.
“I don’t have any songs written at this time, so that’s fine with me. Do what you want.” I signed the contract. Lance signed the contract, and so did Johnny.
“I sign it as a co-manager, but I’ll only be the money man. Lance will be your main manager.” he explained. When the meeting ended, Lance and I left Johnny’s office.
“So, boss, what’s next?” I asked him. He laughed.
“Nothing for you until Monday. Have a good weekend.” he said. I left and headed to Josh’s house.
I pull into Josh’s driveway. I turn my car off and head up the walkway to the front door. I ring the doorbell. Josh answers the door. A grin starts in the corners of his mouth and it spreads across his whole face.
“Well?” he asks me.
“I’ll tell you if you let me in.” I said with a grin. He stood aside and let me in. I followed him to the kitchen, where he asked me if I wanted anything.
“Water’s fine, thanks.” I say. Josh gets a water bottle out of the fridge and hands it to me. He gestures to the table and we sit down.
“Well, how was it?” he asks.
“I’m now an official contracted artist. Lance is my manager.”
“Really? I knew you’d sign today, but I had no clue Lance was going to be your manager. I guess it works out better for Johnny that way. Oh! I almost forgot. I got you something for you. Hold on a sec.” Josh jumps up and heads out of the room. He came back with a box that had a lot of holes in it. He put it on the table.
“Go ahead. Open it!” he said as he sat back down. I reach up and carefully take the lid off the box. I look inside. Inside was the kitten from we were looking at two days ago when we met.
“Congrats, Melody.” Josh said, smiling at me.
“Oh my gosh! It’s the kitten! Thank you!” I reach across the table and give him a hug.
“What should I name her?” I ask as I pick her up from the box and start to cuddle it.
“I can think of a few names,” Josh said with a mischievous grin on his face. I look at the kitten.
“She looks like an Amanda to me. I think I’ll name her Amanda.” I rub her soft furry head. Josh smiles at us.
“I want the details of your meeting. What else did you discuss?” Josh says. I start giving him all the details of the meeting, including the fact that I wasn’t going to write my own songs for my first album. Josh sat there and truly listened to me. He is like no guy I have ever known. When I talk, he fully listens to me, and doesn’t have a pre-occupied mind, like all the other guys I knew in my life. When I finished, he told me that he’d be more than happy to write songs for my album, if I wanted him to. I said that sounded fine to me, and he leaned across the table and gave me a kiss on my cheek. Amanda meowed in protest, having been squashed between Josh and myself. Josh took her into his hands and started cooing at her. Amanda started to purr and rubbed her small head against him. He looked over at me.
“You learn a lot of animal stuff when you practically live with Lance and Joey for years.” he lifted Amanda up to his face. “And you are a cute one, if I do say so myself.” Amanda mewed and licked the tip of his nose, trying to lick her own. We started laughing. It was adorable.
“Do you have any plans for dinner?” Josh asked me after a few hours of talking and playing with Amanda.
“I was thinking of picking up some fast food on the way home maybe. Why?”
“We never did get our lunch yesterday. How does Chinese sound? I know this one place that has awesome food and then maybe we could go see a movie.” he suggested. I think for a moment.
“Sounds good to me. Let me get some food out for Amanda in case she gets hungry while we’re gone.” Josh gets two small plastic bowls out and I fill one up with water and the other with food. I make sure the litter box was ready and then Josh and I left in his car. As we get out of the car at the restaurant, he tells me that this is a celebratory date, and it’s all on him.
“I feel weird to let you do that. Let me pay for something.” I keep urging him.
“You can repay me later. You’ll know what I mean later.” he adds when he sees the look on my face. We sit down at a booth in the back of the restaurant and place orders. As we sit in a comfortable silence as we wait for our food. We make some small talk as we eat. When we finished, Josh paid the check and we went to the movie theater. Josh handed me some money and told me to go buy some drinks and he’ll meet me at the concessions. I bought us some pops and he came over to me and we went to a theater. The sign out in front of it said something about a wedding.
“What movie are we seeing?” I ask him as we sit down into two seats in the back row of the theater.
“My Big Fat Greek Wedding, which has Joey in it, actually.” Josh says as he takes his drink from me. I put a piece of gum into my mouth, I can feel this one piece of broccoli stuck in my teeth near the back of my mouth. I offer Josh a piece. He shakes his head no. The movie starts and we laugh at the same parts of the movie. When the main character nearly kills herself when the guy walks into her work, Josh leans over to me.
“Melody?” He whispers.
“Huh?” I ask.
“Will you be my girlfriend?”
I turn and look at him, into his deep, beautiful, serious blue eyes.
“Ok.” I manage to say.
Josh leaned in and kissed me lightly on the lips. When I didn’t protest, he reached for more. When I responded, he put his left hand on my cheek and caressed it with his thumb. I reached behind his head and brought him closer to me. After what seemed like an eternity, we surfaced for air. I felt a little light headed and dizzy. Josh was also gasping for air. His right hand found my left one and we held hands as we looked into each other’s eyes.
“Thank you, Melody. You don’t know how happy I am now.” he whispered at me. We eventually went back to the movie, and I can’t remember much from the rest of the movie. I felt like I was floating on air.
When Josh pulled into his drive way after the movie, neither one of us wanted the night to end. Josh turned the radio on low and we just sat there for a few minutes. I looked over at him.
“Thank you so much for dinner and the movie. I feel like I should have repaid you though.” I say, braking our silence.
“But, you did repay me. At least, I feel like you have. I really like you.” he says, looking at me. I look into his eyes. We lean in closer to each other. We share a gentle kiss. We look into each other’s eyes. I knew what he meant now, about me repaying him. We kiss again. Pretty soon, we’re making out. I’ve never had this much fun making out. When we finally finish, I get out of his car.
“I better head home. It’s getting kind of late.”
“Don’t forget Amanda.” Josh says. As he gets out of his car. I smile and head up to his front door with him. We enter his house and I gather up Amanda’s things and start heading back to the front door.
“Have you heard from Cassie?” Josh asks as I load Amanda’s stuff into my car.
“Yeah. Her parents are letting her come home because she gave the baby up for adoption. She’s on probation she said. If she passes that, they’ll let her stay. I’m happy for her, and I’m glad I’m not 17 anymore.” I said. I finish putting Amanda’s stuff in the car and I get in and head home.
When I reach home, I settle Amanda in and head up to bed. I fall asleep almost immediately. I have a weird dream, though. I dream that I’m dressed in a wedding gown, standing at the altar. All of a sudden, I double over in pain, and the bridegroom rushes to me. Within my dream, I wake up. It’s not my bedroom either. It’s a bedroom that is painted in various shades of blue. I feel a movement next to me, like someone was sleeping next to me and was starting to wake up. I sit bolt upright in my bed, fully awake.
“That was weird.” I say into the darkness. I reach over and turn on my light. I am definitely in my own house. I stay up for a short while, pondering the dream. I fall asleep again near dawn.
Thirteen by Dawn Dustings
A few months have gone by since Josh and I became a couple. Our birthdays were fast approaching, mine being eleven days ahead of his, but he was four years older than me. My debut album was coming along alright, we had all the songs recorded, and they were being mixed to perfection. I had released a single to the radio, a follow up of the one I did with the guys, which had reached number one. The album was scheduled to be released the Tuesday before my birthday. I was ecstatic about it, mainly because Josh had ended up writing the majority of the songs on it. He taught me how he writes his music, and I was picking up on everything really fast. I was falling in love with the career choice I had made. Josh was with me at every step. When I was recording the songs, Josh was right there on the other side, watching me. Lance was very helpful as my manager also. I don’t know what I would be doing if it weren’t for them. I was recording a remix of a song to be made as a special track on the album, and the guys were supposed to be getting ready to head out on a promotional tour for Illusions. By the time I was through with recording, all the guys were there. Lance already knew about us, and I believe the other guys knew too, but Johnny didn’t know. When I came out of the booth, Josh told me I did a beautiful job, and kissed me. Johnny walked in on it, and he started to flip out.
“How long has this little thing been going on between the two of you??!?” he shouted at us. Startled, Josh and I flew apart and looked at him. We turned to face him. As we did, Josh’s arm snaked around my waist, and he hugged me close.
“It’s been going on since me met, Johnny. Relax. I know you’re wondering what would happen if the public knew, but I don’t really care. It is my life. I am a twenty-five year old man. I can date if I want to. And I want to be with Melody.” Josh says to Johnny. As he says this, his hand sneaks up my back and he’s playing with the end of my hair.
***
Now, a few weeks later, I’m arriving at the photo shoot for the album cover and stuff. I had pulled in to see Josh’s car parked near the entrance.
“Great. Just what I need. Josh is here.” I think to my self as I turn off my car. As much as I liked Josh, I felt as if we were spending every single moment possible together, and I wasn’t ready for a relationship like that. I got out of my car and started heading to the building. Josh got out of his car and met me at the sidewalk outside the front door.
“Hey, babe. Don’t you have work today?” I ask him as I reach him.
“Yeah, but I wanted to wish you good luck, and give you this.” he leaned into me and kissed me. This kiss felt different than the ones we normally shared. It felt more sensual, and it seemed to last at least twice as long. When we finally parted, I felt light headed.
“Josh, you better go. I have to get in, and what would Johnny say if he saw us kissing in a public area? I don’t want a lecture. I’m sure you don’t either.” I turned from him and headed in. I had my makeup done, my hair done, and I stood in front of the cameras and smiled, pouted, laughed, brooded and just generally posed for more than three hours. I was glad when we were over so I could head home and get some sleep.
Fourteen by Dawn Dustings
Today is the video shoot for my single, so I could really release it. I was waiting for my makeup artist to come and get me ready for it when I saw Johnny. He had come by to see how things were going. Lance had come with him to wish me luck on my first video. They had an appearance to go to, so all of them were there. They all wished me luck, Josh coming up to me last.
“Good luck, Mel.” he said hugging me. When we pulled apart a little, he looked into my eyes.
“I love you.” he whispered to me, then leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. I smiled nervously and wished in my head that he would leave, so I can process this with out having to worry about the tears I knew would come if I thought about it right then and there. I was lucky. At that moment, the makeup artist came rushing in, apologizing for being late. I told the guys I’d see them later, and Josh told me to stop by his place when I was done. I told him I would, and then let my makeup artist do her magic.
With my makeup and hair done, I met the director. He was a nice man that went by the name Danny. He walked me though what I needed to know, and before I knew it, we were filming the video. I had a nice guy as my love interest in the video, and as I watched some of the takes, I thought that it would be a cool video. I had fun doing the singing, and part of the video was to be me learning choreography, so I didn’t even have to learn it ahead of time. I hung out with everyone, and helped with some suggestions to it, and worked really hard at making a great video.
When Danny called it a wrap, it was almost eight o’clock. I headed to my car and drove towards Josh’s house, hitting a fast food place on the way for some fries. I arrived at Josh’s house and saw that he was home. I got out of my car and went to his door. He opened it before I could ring. We went into the living room. I sat on the couch as Josh went to go get me something to drink. When he returned, he looked like he was trying to decide something. He handed me my drink and sat down next to me and turned on the radio. We sat in a comfortable silence for a moment.
“Babe, I know that your birthday isn’t even for another ten days, but I want you to have this now.” Josh says.
He pulled a small box out from the side of the couch. He handed the small ring box to me, and I opened it up. Inside was a silver ring with two hearts on it. The hearts had our names down the left side of them, and small stones in the upper right corner of them. I look closer and realize that they were our birthstones. Between the hearts are two little stars, so that the ring was a straight rectangle all the way around. I look over at Josh.
“It’s a promise ring. As long as you wear it, it represents our undying feelings and love for each other.”
I tried the ring on my right ring finger, and it wouldn’t fit, but it fit perfectly on my left ring finger. Josh smiled as we looked at it.
“Thanks, Josh. It’s beautiful.” I say as he leans in and kisses me. The intensity of the kiss took my breath away. When we finally broke, we both had to lean back on the couch and catch our breath. As soon as he could, Josh spoke.
“I love you, Melody.”
I smiled and leaned my head on his shoulder.
“Josh, why don’t we go over to my house? I have something I want to show you.” Josh looks at me.
“What is it?” he asks.
“I can’t tell you, but I feel like I should show it to you now.” I say. Josh looks at me, confused.
“What?”
“I can’t explain, can we just go?” I begged. Josh gave in. We headed to my house where I put in the home video of my sixteenth birthday.
“I think I know you well enough to know that you have a few questions for me. I hope this will help you with some of those.” I pressed play and watched the scenes of my life almost six long years ago.
When the video ended, Josh turned to me.
“Who was that guy?” he wanted to know. I smiled sadly.
“That guy was Mike, my boyfriend at the time,” I start to explain. Josh looks expectantly at me.
“I loved him. We were together since the summer before ninth grade. We did everything together in high school. Homecoming, Prom, everything. The day before graduation, he got hit by a drunk driver, and was killed.”
Josh was stunned by the news.
“That’s why you’ve never told me how you feel about me, isn’t it?” he finally mutters.
“Yes, Josh, it is. I’m sorry I haven’t told you about Mike sooner, It’s still hard for me to talk about him.” Josh looks at me.
“I understand. I still love you, Mel. I always will.” he said, taking me into his arms.
“I know, Josh, I know.” I mutter into his arm.
The day had finally arrived. My debut album was being released. A collective of minds had come up with some nice titles, and I had decided on Melody of Life. I was in the bathroom getting ready for the release party. I had put my hair in rollers and was taking them out as Amanda jumped up onto the toilet seat. She was getting big fast. I took out the last roller and finished my makeup. I then got my dress out and put it on. I was wearing short mid-thigh hot pink dress that the neck of it met right at my navel. I had a matching bikini on underneath it. I grabbed my mini purse and put on my flip-flops as the limo arrived. With one last spritz of perfume, I got into the limo and left. I checked my makeup on the way there. When we arrived, my door opened, and a hand was offered out to me. I took it and started to get out. Then I noticed whom the hand belonged to.
“What are you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be in there, waiting for me to arrive?” I ask Josh as he helped me get my balance. He smiled.
“I gave the guy a nice tip to let me bring you out of your limo. I just got here. Shouldn’t you thank me that I helped you out of the limo, instead of letting you flash everyone, or moon them for that manner. Where did you get that very lovely dress?” he said, looking at my dress. We had started towards the building.
“Thanks for not letting me flash the public. It means a whole lot to me.” I say as we walk into the building. There were posters of my album’s cover on the doors, and a giant one on an easel right inside the doors. The doors to the room where the party was had them too. It all felt surreal. I could not believe it. Josh looked at me as we walked into the room where the party was already getting underway.
“So how does it feel to have released your own album?” he asked me, watching my face.
“It feels weird. I can’t believe I did it. I hope people buy it.” I said, sitting down at a nearby table. When the song ended, Lance and Johnny grabbed a microphone.
“Thanks everyone for coming. We’re happy to be able to have this party. Melody has become a great member of the family here, and we want to wish her well.” Johnny said. Lance took the microphone.
“I feel privileged to be this hip new artist’s manager, and she has such a great taste in what she wants, and has a natural talent for it too. I want everyone to see what I mean, so here it is. The premiere of her video for her number one single.” As he finished, the DJ’s screen came to life with the video to “Show Me What Love Is.”
Seventeen by Dawn Dustings
As the video played, I watched Josh for his reaction. When it finished, he looked at me as the DJ took control of the music once again. Josh and I started to wander around the room. We caught up with the Backstreet Boys, Britney, Aaron Carter and many, many others. I chatted with the people I already knew, the technicians and the many other people I had worked with on the album. Josh asked me to dance, so we danced to a few songs. Then Lance asked to cut in during one of them.
“How do you feel, Melody?” He asked me.
“It hasn’t sunk in yet, but I think I’ll survive. That was some really nice things you said earlier, thank you.” I said as I twirled around to the music. We finished the dance, and Josh said he needed a break, but I still felt like dancing, so I went and found Chris and Joey. I spent some time tiring myself out dancing with them. When I had finally had enough, I went to the bathroom and took a minute to look at myself in the mirror. When I was done, I went back to the party and searched around for Josh. I found him near the bar. I went up to him.
“You haven’t been drinking, have you?” I asked him. He looked at me.
“Only some club soda. Why?”
“You know how I feel about alcohol, and besides, I need to talk to you, is there anywhere private we could talk?” I asked him, looking into his eyes.
“Yeah, come on.” Josh led me to a room on the other side of the building and opened the door. Inside was a music studio.
“Nobody should come looking for us in here,” he said as he shut the door and sat on the piano bench. I pulled a stool up next to him, and sat down to face him. I took a deep breath.
“Josh, I love you.” I said and looked into his eyes. I saw them change from a puzzled stare to one of surprise awe and finally dissolve into love as he registered what I had said.
“I love you too, Melody.” he leaned over to me and we shared the most passionate, sensual kiss I’ve ever known. Probably the most sensual kiss in the history of man. I leaned into Josh, and he pulled me onto the bench with him. By the time we finished, we were both so dizzy we almost fell off the bench. We held onto each other so we wouldn’t fall. I rested in his arms and tried to control my breathing.
“Thank you lord for this angel. Mel, I know how hard that was for you to say. I love you.” he muttered.
“I love you too, Josh, and I always will.”
Eighteen by Dawn Dustings
Josh and I sat there for a while.
“I’m ready to go home.” I say at some point. We slowly get up and walk back to the party to get my purse. I head out to the limo that brought me. Josh came with me. I turn to him.
“Stay here awhile and if anyone asks, I didn’t feel well. And after a while, come over to my place. I love you.” I say as I get ready to get into the limo.
“I love you too, see you soon, Mel.”
I got into the limo and headed home. I felt like I was floating on air. I was in love with Josh, and I was able to tell him so. Best yet, he loved me too. I arrived at my house and went in. I fed Amanda and changed into some more comfortable clothes and got a blanket out of my closet and put it on the couch. I was getting some tea to drink when the doorbell rang. I let Josh in and got us some tea and joined him on the couch. He wrapped his arms around me, and I relaxed in them. I closed my eyes and breathed in through my nose. Josh smelled of soap, cologne, and what must have been his own scent. I just lied there and listened to him breathing and his heart beating and I realized how much more at ease I felt around him. I felt so free, so happy, like nothing could bring me down. Josh made me feel invincible. I opened my eyes and looked up at him.
“Josh, I’m ready.”
Nineteen by Dawn Dustings
Josh looked down at me.
“Are you sure?” he asked as he realized my meaning. I nodded.
“I’ve never been so sure of anything else in my life. I’m ready.” I say.
“Would you mind it if we went to my house, then? I don’t want you to go through with this and not like it and end up hating your bedroom because of the memories.” he said quietly. I laugh.
“You really do think of every thing, don’t you?” I say.
“I don’t want you to end up being hurt. I love you.” he says. I lean up and kiss him on the nose.
“Then let’s get going before I change my mind.”
We get up and he picks me up and carries me out to his car. He went up and locked my front door and then he drove to his house. I climbed out of his car and met him up at his door. Once he had shut his front door, he picked me up again and took me up to his bedroom. He set me gently on the bed. I looked around his room. I had never been in it before, but I recognized it. It was the room from the dream I had months ago, when we had become a couple. Josh looked me in the eye.
“Are you really sure, Melody?” he asked me.
“Yes, Josh, I’m sure. I want you to be my first. I love you.” I said.
With that, Josh leaned in and kissed me on the lips. As he deepened the kiss, he started to lower himself to the bed. When he was lying next to me, we came up for air.
“I love you Melody.”
“I love you Josh.”
Josh brought his hand over and helped me out of my shirt. I pushed my hips up and took off my jean shorts and he took off his pants as I undid his shirt. He leaned into me and kissed me again and cupped my right breast in his left hand. He brought his right hand around my back and unhooked my bra. I started drawing circles on his back with my fingers, working my way down to his boxer briefs. When I reached the band on them, I brought my hands around to the front. I slowly reached under the band and started to take them off. We broke our kiss.
“I will take it slow for you, Mel.” he said. He leaned down to my neck and started kissing it, and started to work his way down my body, kissing it and caressing his tongue against my skin. He pulled my panties off, and I took his off. He looked into my eyes.
“Are you ready?” he asked me quietly. I nodded my head yes. With that, he got into position and the next thing I knew, we had taken our relationship to the next level. I felt some pain that quickly subsided and I started to enjoy the sensations I was feeling. It seemed like only seconds before we were finished, and we were lying in each other’s arms. I fell asleep that way, safe and sound in the arms of the man I allowed to take my virginity.
I slowly open my eyes. I’m in a bed, but it’s not mine. It takes me a minute to realize that it’s Josh’s bedroom. His arm is around me. I feel some movement, and his lips brush my cheek.
“I love you.” I whisper.
“Morning, babe, I love you too.” he lifts himself up and kisses my cheek.
“How are you feeling this morning?” he said, looking into my eyes.
“Really happy because I’m here with you.” I say, grinning.
“What’s for breakfast?” I ask playfully.
“You are, at least for me.” he said just as playfully. We started laughing. In the midst of it, the phone rang. Josh sighed and picked it up.
“Hello?” he was quiet for a moment.
“When? Where is he now? We’ll be right there.” Josh hung up.
“Justin’s in the hospital. He drank a lot last night, and to have his stomach pumped. He also passed out on the way to the hospital. We have to go see him.” Josh said and then sat up. His hair was all over the place. I giggled. He turned to face me.
“What?”
“You have the most fabulous hair style right now.” I said with a straight face. Josh grinned mischievously.
“And you think yours is any better?” He leaned in and kissed me.
“Josh, I don’t have anything to wear.” I say as the thought hits me. Josh got up and went to his dresser. He pulled out one of his shirts and a pair of baggy track pants. He tossed them at me.
“Oh. How silly of me. I’ll wear your clothes. Like none of the guys won’t realize that I’m wearing your clothes.” I say, picking up his shirt.
“Maybe they will, and maybe they won’t. I don’t care. All I care about is us, and how Justin is doing.” Josh said, pulling on some pants.
“I love you too, Josh.” I pull his over my head. I look around and find my underwear and put them on, and then I put on Josh’s pants. Josh had brushed his hair out, and was leaving it down. I find a rubber band and put my hair in a low loose ponytail. On the way out, Josh grabbed his wallet. We got into his car and headed to the hospital. On the way, Josh stopped at a fast food restaurant and bought us some sandwiches and coffee.
“Sorry about this.” he said as he handed me my coffee.
“It’s alright. You can’t control what Justin does.” I took a sip of my coffee. Josh unraveled his sandwich and ate it while he drove. When we got to the hospital, Josh parked his car and we got out and headed into the hospital. We asked the people at the front desk where Justin was. They told us where to look. When we got to him, all the guys were there, and Justin was hooked up to an oxygen tank.
“Is he on life support?” Josh asked, as we looked at him through the window.
Twenty-One by Dawn Dustings
“No, they only have him on oxygen to see if he’ll come around soon.” Johnny said.
“Oh my god.” was all I could mutter. Josh squeezed my hand. At least he understood. I looked up at him and smiled weakly. I looked back at Justin, lying still on the bed. My mind traveled back in time, and suddenly, it wasn’t Justin lying there on the bed, it was Mike.
“Oh my god.” I mutter again.
Just then, a doctor walked into Justin’s room. He examined Justin and as he was leaving, we stopped him.
“He’ll be alright, won’t he?” Josh asked him.
“As it seems now, he will. But he should not drink alcohol anymore. I strongly recommend that he goes into Alcoholics Anonymous. Right now, we just need him to wake up. He‘s in a coma.” the doctor said.
Josh squeezed my hand and looked at his feet. The other guys looked at each other. Josh looked back up.
“Thank you.” he said.
The doctor left, and the rest of us just stood around looking glum. Lance broke the silence.
“Melody, isn’t that Jc’s shirt and pants?” he asked me. I glanced at Josh.
“Maybe they are, and maybe not.” I said, not fully admitting that they were. Once again, the guys all glanced at each other. I turned back to look at Justin. Once again, my mind remembered the horrible day when Mike died. I let a tear run down my cheek. I felt Josh embrace me and I started to cry into his shoulder. Josh started to rock us back and forth.
“Why? Why, Josh, Why?” I say in between sobs. Josh brushed my hair out of my face and looked into my eyes.
“I don’t know, Mel. But I do know that he will be alright. I know he will.” He whispers back. I burst into more sobs and can’t stop. I end up falling asleep clinging to him, exhausted from crying.
I woke up in Josh’s bed, with Josh sitting next to me, watching me sleep.
“What happened?” I asked groggily, propping myself up with my elbows.
“You cried yourself to sleep in my shoulder, so I brought you home. I had Lance help me. He stayed here for a bit while I went and fed Amanda and grabbed some of your things for you at your house. You don’t mind do you?”
“No, no. Thanks for feeding Amanda. I love you. You think of everything.”
Josh smiles. He hands me my keys.
“I don’t want to put them in the wrong place, and you think you lost them.” he explains. I look at them. They seem different. I find an extra key on it. I look at Josh.
“It’s a key to my house. I thought you would like one. I love you.”
Twenty-Two by Dawn Dustings
Two days later, I was sitting at home with Amanda when I got a phone call.
“He woke up.” the voice said. I got up and left for the hospital. Everyone except Josh was there.
“Where’s Josh?” I asked, puzzled.
“I thought he was with you. I mean the two of you are almost inseparable.” Johnny answers.
“I tried calling him, but he didn’t answer either phone.” Lance adds.
“He told me last night he had some errands to do today. I think he went shopping. My birthday is in a few days.”
Joey walked out of Justin’s room. “Who’s next?”
“I’ll go.” I said. I walked into Justin’s room. Justin was lying there, staring at the ceiling.
“Hi Justin.” I said quietly. He turned his head and looked at me.
“Hi Melody. How are you?”
“Considerably better now that you woke up.” I held his hand. Justin looked at me.
“Justin, you can’t do this anymore. Please. My first boyfriend was killed by a drunk driver.” I whispered. Justin thought for a moment.
“The doctors say that I could have really bad liver damage if I drink anymore. They said I lucked out this time. If my ending up like this hurt you so bad, I can’t even imagine what it did to Mom and Randy.” He looked into my face.
“Since you mean so much to Jc, and because it means so much to you, I won’t touch another bottle or can of alcohol for the rest of my life.”
I looked down at him.
“Thank you, Justin. You have no idea how much that means to me.” We chatted about some things until my five minutes were up. I left the room. Josh was there now.
“Hey babe. What’s up?” I kissed him on the cheek.
“I got a message that Justin had woken up. Has he?”
“Yeah, he’s awake. I just finished talking to him.” I wrapped my arms him.
“So what’d yaw get me?” I asked playfully.
“I’m not telling you. You’ll have to see later.” Josh responded.
* * *
We spent the morning taking turns to go see Justin. Eventually we all left so he could get some rest. I went home to think. Josh’s birthday was in 15 days, mine was in four. All Josh had told me was he had made some plans for us for my birthday, if I didn’t mind. I told him I wanted to spend some time at my mother’s house, but he could plan an evening for us. I knew the guys were throwing a surprise party for Josh, and I was the one to bring him to the arranged place. I still had to get Josh a present. I picked up my purse. I went to the mall and browsed around. I found this candle that I was pretty sure that he would love. I bought it and then got something to eat, then I went and watched a movie. When I got home, I wrapped the candle and then took a nap.
Twenty-Three by Dawn Dustings
The day came. It was my 22nd birthday. I had woken up only to find all five guys standing over me. Chris was holding a muffin with a candle in it, Joey was holding a plate of breakfast food, Lance was holding four packages, Josh was sitting next to me on the bed, and Justin was sitting at the foot of the bed, still a little weak from his ordeal.
“What’s this?” I asked. Josh did a little motion with his hand, pretending to scratch his nose, and all five of them started singing “Happy Birthday” and when they got to the name part, they said “from *N Sync” instead.
“Aww, thank you guys.” I said as I sat up. Joey put the plate down on my lap.
“Joe, I know there was more bacon on the plate when I gave it to you.” Josh said. Joey looked sheepish.
“Sorry.” he said. We all laughed. I tried the bacon.
“I can see why he ate it. It’s delicious.” I said. Chris pulled out a lighter and lit the candle and then handed the muffin to me. I closed my eyes and thought for a second.
“ I wish that I could stay like this forever, that none of this will change.” I thought and blew out the candle. I opened my eyes and pulled the candle out of the muffin. I set the muffin aside and ate my eggs and bacon, trying to offer some to the guys. Josh only took some toast when I coaxed him into it. When I finished the eggs and bacon, I pulled off a small amount of the muffin and ate it. Then I put it aside for later. Lance handed me the presents. The first one I opened was from Chris. He gave me a new cell phone cover. Joey got me a laptop and Lance got me a thing for the laptop so I could use the internet on it. Justin gave me a stuffed cat.
“Thanks guys! I love them.” I turn to Josh.
“I don’t want to sound spoiled or anything, but where’s yours?” I asked him. He smiled.
“Well, some of it you will get later tonight, but you can have this now.” He handed me an envelope. I opened it and pulled out a sheet of paper. In his handwriting, he had written a poem.
Love
Love.
What is it?
People say it’s indescribable.
While I agree it’s true,
What IS love?
Is it a feeling?
Is it a thought?
Is it really attraction in disguise?
Love is warm.
Love is fuzzy.
Love is your heart speeding up at her sight.
No matter how I try,
I can’t find the words to describe how it feels
I know what love is.
It’s what I feel for you.
“Aww! Josh, it’s really good! I’m going to get it framed. I love you.” I faced him and kissed him. The kiss would have lasted much longer if someone hadn’t cleared his throat, reminding the two of us that we weren’t alone. I pulled away.
“Remember where we were,” I whispered. Josh smiled.
“Well guys, would you mind it if I could get dressed?” I asked. They left the room.
Twenty-Four by Dawn Dustings
Now dressed, I headed downstairs. The guys were cleaning up my kitchen.
“I want it spotless. Not one speck of dust anywhere.” I said as I entered the room. The phone rang. I picked it up.
“Melody?” Johnny asked.
“Yes?” I answered.
“Happy Birthday.”
“You didn’t call me here just to say that, did you?”
“Not entirely. I just wanted to tell you that for the first week, Melody of Life was the number one selling album of the week. Congratulations.” Johnny managed to say before I screamed.
“NO WAY!! YOU’RE KIDDING ME!! MELODY OF LIFE COULD NOT HAVE DONE THAT WELL!!” I yelled into the phone.
“Well, it did. Just thought you should know. Once again, happy birthday.” Johnny hung up.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!” I yelled as I hung up the phone. Josh put his finger in his ear and wiggled it.
“I think I might be able to hear in about ten years or so.” He said.
“Sorry, hon. I just got some really good news. That was Johnny telling me how well Melody of Life did.” I said. Lance looked up from the sink.
“How well did it do?” he asked.
“It was the number one selling album of the week.” I say, grinning from ear to ear. Lance smiles. Chris congratulates me and then tries to hit Joey’s butt with a wet dishtowel. Joey retaliates by throwing a wet sponge at him and it ends up hitting Justin in the middle of his forehead. I duck out of the room before I get hit by something. Josh follows me out.
“I knew you’d do it.” he said as he put his arms around my waist. He leaned down and kissed me.
* * *
After the guys had left, I got ready to leave. I went to my mom’s house where she gave me a journal so I could write my feelings and thoughts in it. Jack gave me a scrapbook that he and Cindy had already started for me. I leafed through the book. One page was titled Melody of Life. It was blank except for a cover booklet of my album. I thanked them and gave them hugs. I pull Jack aside for a moment.
“Sorry you couldn’t do it this time, maybe next time.” I tell him. He looks at me.
“We can always keep trying, but we both went in for testing, to see if there is something wrong with either of us.” He whispered back. I give him a sad look.
“It’ll all work out someday.” I tell him as we head back out to Mom and Cindy. We sat around and talked for a while before I headed home to get ready for my night out with Josh.
Josh had told me to dress up nicely, but a casual nice. I took a shower and put some hot rollers into my hair to give it some waves. I found a nice skirt and a matching top. I put them on carefully and did my makeup. I took the rollers out and finger combed them and let them be. Josh came and picked me up.
“Mmm babe, how am I going to keep my hands off of you tonight?” he murmured when I opened the door.
“You don’t have to, you know.” I said, smiling mischievously.
Josh drove to one of the classiest restaurants in town, and when we went in, they asked if we had a reservation. Josh told them who we were, and they showed us to a table in a far corner. We ordered dinner, and made some small talk while we waited. At one point, Josh cleared his throat.
“What would you think about going public with our relationship? I’ve talked to Johnny. He said that he’s alright with it.” Josh was so nervous, he couldn’t look me in the eyes.
“Of course I wouldn’t mind going public, Josh! I love you!” Josh looked into my eyes.
“Really? You’ll have to put up with rumors and everything.”
“I already do, Josh. Besides, as long as we know the truth, what the rumors say doesn’t matter.” I said.
Josh picked up my hand and kidded the top of it. Our food arrived. We ate in almost silence, enjoying the food and each other. When we finished our meal, Josh took me to see a musical. I spent the night at his house. It was the best birthday I’ve ever had.
Twenty-Five by Dawn Dustings
Once again, I woke up in Josh’s arms. As soon as I open my eyes, I smile. Today was the day Josh and I were going public. We decided on a press conference. I know that it seems a bit weird, but we wanted everyone to know about us. I stretched my arms above my head. Josh stirred.
“Come on babe, today’s the day. Get up!” Josh grunted, but opened his eyes.
“You’re impossible, Josh, just impossible.” I sat up and got out of bed. I found my hairbrush and brushed my hair. I found some clothes and changed. Josh put on an Abercrombie shirt and a pair of jeans. He put his hair in rollers. We headed downstairs and got some cereal. I look over at Josh.
“If this goes bad, at least we’ll still have each other. I love you.”
“I love you too, Melody.”
We finished our breakfast and headed into the same bathroom. Josh started to take his hair out while I did my makeup.
“Can you believe you’re going to be 26 in a week?” I asked him, putting on mascara.
“Not really. Mel, I have something to tell you,” he looked at me in the mirror.
“The past three months have been the best of my life because of you. I love you.” He started to spray his hair with hairspray.
“Josh, you know I love you.” I finished my makeup and turned to Josh. I gave him a kiss on the cheek.
* * *
Josh, Johnny, Lance and I were standing in the doorway, out of view of the reporters. Johnny turned to us.
“Ready?” he asked.
“Past ready.” I said. Johnny turned and the four of us walked out onto the stage for the conference. There were a few murmurs as they saw the four of us. Johnny stood at the microphone.
“Thank you all for coming. I was asked to do this conference for these two people right here.” He gestured to Josh and me. “I’ll let them tell you the news that brought us here today.” Johnny stepped back, letting Josh come up. He motioned me to him. I stood next to him as he got ready to tell the world.
“We just want the entire world to know this.” he said. He pulled me up to him and kissed me. Even with my eyes closed, I could see all the flashes from the cameras. We kissed long and hard, and when we finally finished, Josh took my hand and led me off the platform, waving at the press. Lance and Johnny followed. What a way to let the world know about us.
Twenty-Six by Dawn Dustings
My alarm goes off. It’s six am, August 8, 2002. It’s Josh’s 26th birthday. I had a little bag packed. I had it out in my car. Josh didn’t know what I had planned to tell him today. He was essential to my life. He meant so much to me, I loved him like I’ve never loved anyone. He just understood me.
I climbed out of my bed and put on my shoes. I got into my car and went to Josh’s house. I let myself in and snuck up to his room. I stood in the doorway for a moment. He was so peaceful looking. I climbed slowly and carefully into his bed. I put my arms around him and listened to him breathing. After a little while, I put my mouth near his ear.
“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, sexy Josh, happy birthday to you.” I sing softly into his ear. Josh stirs and opens his eyes. He looks over at me. He looks at the clock.
“Melody! It’s not even seven in the morning yet!!”
“Well, I woke up to a whole room of men on my birthday, at least I didn’t bring a bunch of other women with me. You only got me. Besides, I couldn’t wait. I wanted to tell you what I’ve been thinking about.” I said. Josh sits up.
“I want to move in with you. I love you. I’m ready for the next step of a relationship with you. I want to be close to you. I can’t even imagine my life without you in it anymore.”
“What? Mel, we don’t have to live together. We could be just as happy with the way we are now.”
I feel my face fall.
“But, Josh, I’m ready for the next step. I want to be near you. You complete me. I love you with all my heart.” Josh yawns.
“I hate to disappoint you, but could we talk about this later?” he asks.
“Fine. Later.” I say. Josh lies back down. I lie next to him, facing the other way. Josh sets his alarm for nine. We both started to doze off. In my last moment of consciousness, I heard him murmur something. Or was I already asleep, and I dreamed it?
Twenty-Seven by Dawn Dustings
I took Josh to the prearranged meeting place for his party. Josh acted surprised, but I think the guys do this to him every year. Josh opened the presents. He smiled when he opened the candle.
“I know just what I can do with this.” he said and placed a kiss on my cheek.
“He’s still upset at me from this morning.” I think.
When the party was over, Josh and I headed back to his house. He went up to the front door, and then turned around and looked at me.
“Coming?” He asked. I took a deep breath.
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe moving in isn’t a good idea for us right now. I-I need some time to think about this. About us.” I got back into my car.
“Mel!” Josh said, starting down the steps toward my car. I started my car and pulled out of my driveway, leaving Josh there, staring after me. I went home and cried. Upset, I took off the promise ring Josh gave me the day of my video shoot. The video. I remembered the smile on Josh’s face the first time he saw it.
“What is wrong with me? What have I done?” Maybe I was moving too fast, but something with in me told me that moving in was the next thing to do, and that it was time to bring it up. I loved Josh. It felt natural for me to want to be with him. My phone rang, but I ignored it. I knew it was Josh. I couldn’t handle a conversation with him right now. A short time after the phone stopped ringing, the doorbell rang. I could hear Josh calling my name through the door. I went to my bedroom window and leaned out of it.
“I want my stuff back. All of it.” I called down to Josh. He moved back so he could see me.
“Melody, I love you. I wouldn’t hurt you for anything in the world.” He called up to me. I pulled my head back into the window and closed it. Josh and I could never be what we were before. I knew that deep within me. Josh left. A little while later, the doorbell rang, and he called through the door that he was leaving my stuff there, ‘since it’s what you want’. I waited until he left to get it. The phone rang again, only this time it wasn’t Josh. It was Johnny. I let the machine get it. Josh didn’t call again that night. I didn’t realize it until later though.
I ignored everyone except Mom, Jack and Cindy. August turned into September. I missed some appearances that have been scheduled for weeks. Johnny tried to get what happened out of me by showing up at my door. I ignored him, pretending I wasn’t there. I wasn’t feeling well on top of everything else I was feeling about Josh and myself. Tired of feeling like this, I answered the door when Lance showed up.
“Melody, are you okay?” he asked as I let him in.
“No, I’m not. Josh didn’t feel the way I did, and now I feel like I’m dying. I’ve even been throwing up every morning.” I confessed.
Lance looked me over.
“I’ll be right back.” he said and he left. About ten minutes later, he was back. He handed me a brown paper bag.
“This is just a hunch, but I think it might be worth a try.” he said. I took the bag. I looked inside. I looked at Lance.
“Excuse me. Make yourself at home. You know where the fridge is if you get thirsty.” I headed up stairs to use the product in the bag. I waited for it to do what it needed to do. I was pregnant.
Twenty-Eight by Dawn Dustings
I went downstairs. Lance was still in the foyer.
“Come in, sit down. Do you want anything to drink?” I asked him. He followed me into the living room, but declined to sit or anything to drink.
“I just want to know why you just stopped talking to Jc. He came to me the night you just stopped talking to him. He told me everything. It hurt him so much that you didn’t want to try to talk it out. Melody, he loves you. All of us can see it. He’d never even have a passing thought to hurt you. What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Lance, I think you know what’s wrong with me as well as I do now. I need to talk to Josh about this. Would you mind if I did it in private?” I said.
“Of course I don’t mind if you did it in private. It should be done in private. I’ll let myself out.” he left the room and I heard the front door open and close. I picked up the phone. I stared at it for a moment. Then I dialed.
“Josh? It’s Melody. Could you come over to my house? I think we need to talk.” I listened as he said he’d be right over. I hung up after saying good-bye. I got up and walked to the foyer and sat on the bottom steps of the stairs. Josh arrived. I let him in.
“Hi.” I said.
“Hi.” he said back.
I took him into the living room where I offered him a drink. He declined and sat down on the couch. I sat down in an armchair on the other side of the couch.
“Josh, I’m sorry for everything. I’ve been moody and depressed since your birthday. I couldn’t explain it then, but I can now. Josh, I’m pregnant.”
Josh was quiet for a minute.
“Are you sure?” he asked quietly.
“Not 100 percent. I’ve only taken a home test, though those are pretty correct.”
Josh put his head in his hands.
“Damn.”
“Josh, I didn’t plan on this either. But, as hard as it may seem, I still love you. I know that we’ll be able to get through this. I’m sorry I hurt you on your birthday, of all days. Do you forgive me?” My eyes teared up as I asked Josh to forgive me.
Josh had lifted his head during my little speech.
“Melody, I love you. I always will love you. It was just a shock that you were ready to move in. I didn’t know you were feeling weird. I forgive you.” Josh reached his hand out and took mine in his. I smiled weakly.
“I’m going to make a doctor’s appointment to see if everything is going alright.” I sniffed.
“That sounds like a good plan.”
* * *
Josh and I are waiting for my name to be called for the appointment. When it was called, Josh got up to come with me. I told him I was a big girl and to stay put unless someone recognized him. I went into a room where the nurse handed me a cup to pee in. I went to the bathroom and peed. I handed it to the nurse, whom left with it. I waited a little while before my doctor came in. He examined me over, and we were talking about what to expect in the coming weeks when the nurse came back in with the results. She handed them to the doctor, who looked at them, and then told me I was approximately six weeks along. I thanked the doctor, went out into the waiting room and made an appointment for the following month. Josh didn’t notice I was there until I was standing in front of him.
“Come on Josh. Let’s go.”
Twenty-Nine by Dawn Dustings
I climbed into Josh’s car. Josh got into it too, and put the key into the ignition.
“I’m at six weeks, Josh.” I said.
He stopped turning the key and looked at me.
“So we are pregnant? For sure?”
“Of course we are! Would I tell you I’m six weeks along if I wasn’t pregnant?” I asked him. Sometimes men can be so weird.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I love you.”
“I’m sorry Josh. I don’t need to be moody. It’s just, what will we do? Tell the public? What about our families? The guys? When should we tell them? I don’t know what to do now.” I admit.
“Maybe we should talk to Johnny. He might know what we could do. I just want you to know that I’m with you for every step of this.” Josh says. I nod my approval and he starts the car. He drives us to Johnny’s office. We went in. Johnny smiles when he sees me.
“Look who came back from the dead.” he said as Josh and I sat down.
“We’ll get straight to the point.” Josh says after Johnny closes the door.
“What is it?” Johnny asks as he sits down.
“I’m pregnant.” I say. Johnny looks shocked.
“We need some guidance. We’re not sure what to do or who to tell right now. We thought you might be able to help us with that.”
“Well, I don’t know who you should tell, but I do know that most people don’t tell the public they are expecting until they can no longer hide it. It’s what I recommend.”
“That sounds reasonable. That’s what we’ll do.” I say. Josh looks at me.
“Are you sure?” he asks me.
“There really is no reason for everyone to know about this until they have to. Besides, it might hurt the guys when the public knows about this. I don’t want to hurt the other guys with this. They didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I don’t care what the public thinks. I only want to do what you want.”
“Well this is what I want. The five of you guys are in this together. I couldn’t live with myself if I knew that I hurt the guys because I wanted everyone to know about the baby.” I say. I stood up.
“Thanks Johnny for the advice. It really helped.” I left. Josh followed me.
“We should tell the guys and our family. I love you.” he said. I turned to him.
“I know that this is all unexpected, but I really am glad we’re working this out. I’m glad that I’m going through this with you. I love you.” I say as he wraps me in his arms.
“I love you too. I’m glad that you’re the mother of my child. I wouldn’t want anyone else.” he leaned down and kissed me. It felt wonderful to be back with him.
Before Josh and I had a chance to finish our kiss, Justin saw us.
“Melody! You’re here! How are you?” he called out at us. Josh and I broke apart instantly. I turned and faced Justin.
“Could you go get all the other guys? I might as well tell you all at the same time.” I say.
Justin turns back around and goes off in the other direction, yelling for the other guys. Josh and I head outside into the compound’s backyard. The speakers that played the top 40 cut out suddenly. Then we heard Justin’s voice.
“JOEY FATONE AND LANCE BASS I KNOW YOU’RE OUT THERE. GET BACK UP HERE. MELODY’S HERE AND SHE WANTS TO TALK TO US ALL AT THE SAME TIME.” Blares out of the speakers at top volume. Josh starts to laugh. I smile and hit him playfully.
“It’s not that funny.” I say as he keeps laughing.
“I’m not laughing at that. I’m just imagining what he would be saying on that if he knew what we had to tell them.” he said. I thought for a second and started laughing too. We stood there and watched Joey and Lance come walking up from the pond, wearing wet suits.
“I’ve been thinking. Do you still want to move in? Now that we know we’re expecting, it seems more natural. And besides, I don‘t want to miss any more than I already have.” Josh said, sobering up.
“I’d be happy to move into your house. I love you.” I said as I kissed him on the nose.
It wasn’t long before all of the guys were together.
“Josh and I just wanted to tell you guys something. It won’t take long.” I said. I looked at Josh for support. He squeezed my hand. I turned back to the guys.
“In late April, Josh and I will be welcoming our child into the world. We’re having a baby.” I said. Justin, Joey and Chris were shocked. Lance walked up to us and congratulated us. Then the other guys followed suit. When all the excitement was over, we all split up into our separate ways.
Josh and I drove to my house. I had gone into the utility room where I kept Amanda’s litter box and stuff. I fed her in the kitchen, but I kept her food out here. I had noticed that she hadn’t eaten her food yet, and I looked at the clock. She usually had eaten her food by now. I was looking for Amanda. The utility room was the last place to look. She wasn’t here either.
“Josh, Amanda’s missing.” I called out to him.
“What?” he called back, coming into the room with me.
“Amanda’s not here. I looked all over the house. She’s not here. I can’t find her. I hope she didn’t get out somehow. She’s an indoor cat.” I started to panic, imagining Amanda outside, not knowing what she had gotten herself into. Josh came over to me and started to comfort me.
“She’ll be fine. She’s a smart cat. If she had somehow gotten out, she’ll find her way back home.” Josh said as he held me.
* * *
Two weeks later, I was moving the last of my stuff to Josh’s house. Just before I drove off with the last load of stuff, I spotted Amanda sitting on the porch railing, looking at me. I got out of my car and went up to her, picked her up and put her into the car. I drove off to Josh’s house, feeling much better.
Thirty-One by Dawn Dustings
“Josh!” I cried out, sitting bolt upright in bed my bed. A minute later, Josh ran into my room.
“Again?” he asked, one eyebrow cocked.
“Yes.” I answer back. He gets on the bed next to me and puts his arms around me.
“Honey, I hate to mention this, but this has been going on for more than a month. Maybe we should see a doctor.” he looked into my eyes. I was going to fight him, but the pleading look in his eyes stopped me.
“Alright. I give in. I’ll go see a doctor about this. Even though we both suspect why I’m like this.”
“We may know why, but the doctor might be able to help us stop it.” Josh said. He stayed with me until I fell asleep.
A few days later, I’m sitting at the doctor’s office. Josh is sitting next to me, reading a book he brought. The doctor calls my name and I follow him into a room with a normal couch, a few armchairs and a desk. He introduces himself as Dr. Nuttz. He takes a seat in an armchair and I sit on the couch.
“So what seems to be the problem, Miss Beam?” he asks, getting straight to the point.
“Well, I wake up in the middle of the night, calling out for my boyfriend. I moved into his house a month and a half ago. We have separate bedrooms though.” I say.
“What do you feel that makes you call out to him like that?” he asks me.
“I feel scared. Maybe a bit frightened, or maybe even a bit of shame. I mean, I’m 22 years old, and I’m four months pregnant, and I can’t sleep through one night without calling for my boyfriend.” I say.
“I see. Is there any reason you feel these feelings?” he asks me.
“I’m afraid that Josh won’t be there one of these times, that I’ll be all alone with child, and it frightens me.”
“Uh huh. Is there any reason why you’d be afraid that he’d leave you?” the doctor asks.
“Well, we seem to think it’s because the only other boyfriend I have ever had in my life was killed in an accident when we were 18. But why would these feelings be coming back now?” I ask. Dr. Nuttz looks up at me from the notes he’s been writing.
“I think that you may be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. You were a young woman when the only boy you ever cared for died suddenly. Now, you’re close to another man, and although you may not realize it, your feelings for your late boyfriend are still there, and they are acting as a self-preserver. Your heart doesn’t want to get involved with anyone because that means heartbreak. At least, that’s how experience has it. Normally, the treatment we use for PTSD is medication. Since we don’t want to harm your unborn child, I recommend therapy without the meds.”
I thanked Dr. Nuttz and went out to the receptionist. I made an appointment for the following week. Dr. Nuttz recommended for Josh to come to the next appointment. As Josh and I left, I told him what the doctor said.
Thirty-Two by Dawn Dustings
“Baby, I don’t think I really should come.” Josh was trying to get out of therapy.
“Damn it Josh! I need you there. Don’t you want me, the love of your life and the mother of your child to get better? I have a huge bump in the rug of my life, and I can’t get it down by myself. I need your help. I need you to help me through this. It involves you too.” I say. Josh looks down.
“Alright, alright. But only because it’s you. I love you.” he goes back to the magazine he was reading. We get called back to Dr. Nuttz’s office. Josh sits next to me on the couch. Dr. Nuttz comes in, apologizing for being a bit late.
“I’m Dr. Nuttz” he says, extending his hand at Josh.
“I’m Jc.” Josh says as he shakes his hand.
“As I’m sure Melody told you, I diagnosed her with PTSD, and recommended she does therapy. I would normally also prescribe medication, but I don’t want to put her unborn child at any risk of any number of things that the medication could do to it.” Dr. Nuttz went on to explain what we had done last week. Then we started talking about what exactly could have triggered the PTSD.
“I’m almost one hundred percent positive that the pregnancy triggered this. Melody, you have overcome so much of this on your own, but when you got pregnant, all the chemicals that your body is producing interacted with your feelings, and you went backwards, so to speak. I think a college of sorts that I know well can help you much more than I can. He does hypnotherapy. I think he may be able to help you admit why you can’t seem to move on, to realize that Jc will not leave you.” He finished explaining some things that his college could do for us. Josh and I thanked him for all his help and left.
When we got out to the car, Josh asked me where we should go. I looked at my watch.
“I feel like going to the mall. It’s almost Christmas time, and I want to get a head start on my shopping.” I said. Josh smiled and put the card into his pocket. Josh started the car and drove to the mall. We decided to meet at the food court in a few hours. I wandered around. I found a bookstore and went in. I had noticed that Josh read romance novels when he had the time. I found one that looked like the ones he read and bought it. I got Justin some vanilla scented baby blue candles, figuring I was safe with the vanilla scent because that was the only scent they had for that color candle. I bought Joey these Superman boxers I found, complete with a cape. I also found him a limited edition Superman figurine. I got Chris a gift certificate to a candy store, and another one to a toy store, figuring that he can pick what he wants. For Lance, I got a thing that had one of those ‘As Seen On TV!’ stickers. I knew he bought things off of infomercials. I also got a frame, and had my picture taken. I was going to sign it and give it to him. He’d get the joke. Josh met me at the food court, and we realized that we didn’t want anything from there, so we left and picked up some Chinese on the way home.
Thirty-Three by Dawn Dustings
Now a week before Christmas, Josh and I were heading to Dr. Nuttz’s collogue for our appointment. We were sitting in the waiting room.
“Josh, I’m afraid of what’s going to happen in there.” I say quietly to him. He put his arm around my shoulders.
“I’ll be in there, and I won’t let anything bad happen to you in there. I love you.” he said.
The receptionist called us back and led us to a room that looked a lot like Dr. Nutt’s office, only instead of a regular couch, he had a lounge chair. As Josh and I walked in, a man on the other side of the desk stood up. He introduced himself as Dr. Somnus. He gestured me to the lounge chair, which I sat down on. Josh sat next to me in a regular chair. Dr. Somnus started explaining what he was going to do. Josh and I paid close attention to him. When the time came, I stretched out on the lounge chair, feeling a bit ridiculous. Dr. Somnus did exactly what he said he was going to do, and to my surprise, I felt myself getting sleepy. When Dr. Somnus clicked his finger, I fell into a deep sleep. The next thing I remember is opening my eyes to see Josh sitting there with a look that mixed worry, surprise, respect, awe and love into one. Dr. Somnus said that I was finished. Josh came over to me and helped me up.
When we got out into the empty hallway, Josh took me into his arms. He leaned down to me and kissed me. We hadn’t had a kiss like this one for so long, it felt like we were kissing for the first time.
“What was that for?” I asked him.
“Just to show you how much you mean to me. I haven’t told you this, but you complete me. I feel like I’ve only been half a person before I met you. I love you.” He said.
Thirty-Four by Dawn Dustings
I stretch my arms above my head and sit up in my bed. For the past two nights, I haven’t woken up calling out for Josh. We owed it to Dr. Somnus. I get out of bed, deciding to take a shower. As I head to the bathroom, I pass a full-length mirror. I pause to look at myself in it. I pull my nightie up and look at my abdomen. It doesn’t look like it used to. It looks a bit less flat. I put my nightie down and head into Josh’s room. I sit on the edge of his bed and call his name. After a few minutes, he opens his eyes.
“Honey, I just realized it. I’m starting to show.” It takes a minute for this to settle into his mind. He props himself up on his elbows.
“Really?” he asks. I nod.
“It isn’t much, but my belly isn’t as flat as it used to be.” I lifted my nightie up again to show him. He looks at it.
“I can barely see it, but I guess it doesn’t look like it used to.” he said. I stood up.
“I’m going back to my way to the shower. Love you.” I said as I left the room. As I shower, I hear the phone ring. I finish my shower and get out and get dressed. I head downstairs to see what Josh was doing. He was still on the phone. He hung up and looked at me.
“We’ve both been nominated for People’s Choice Awards. You for Best New Artist, and the guys and I for Best Duo or Group.” he said. I let out a squeal.
“My first real awards show! I’ve never been nominated for anything before!” I ran up to Josh and hugged him. When I settled down a bit and sat down for breakfast, I looked at Josh.
“Hon. I’ve been thinking. I don’t want to know the sex of the baby before it’s born. I think technology can take away from some of the best things in life. I want a surprise in the delivery room.” Josh looks at me.
“Okay. Let’s not learn the baby’s sex. I think that’s a good idea. Kinda romantic.”
Thirty-Five by Dawn Dustings
Josh asked me to keep the evening of Christmas Eve open. He said he had some plans for us that night. We spent the day at my mother’s house with Jack and Cindy. Near lunchtime, Jack pulled me aside in the kitchen.
“Cindy and I got the results back. We can’t have kids. Both of us contribute to it. I have a low count, and she has some internal problems.” he said. I felt uncomfortable, knowing I was going to have the one thing Jack really wanted. I haven’t seen him since before Josh and I found out, so he didn’t know about my pregnancy. I shifted from one foot to the other.
“So what are you going to do?” I asked him.
“We’re going to adopt, it looks like. We still want kids.” he smiled weakly. I smiled back.
“Well, Jack, there is something I need to tell you. I’ve been meaning to tell you for a few months, but we’ve both been busy. Please don’t get upset when I tell you.” I started.
“Why would I get upset over something you have to tell me?” he asked.
“Because I’m pregnant. I’m due in April.” I got it out there. I watched Jack for his reaction.
“That’s great. It really is. I’m happy for you. It’s really great.” he said. I could tell he was a bit disappointed, and maybe even a bit jealous.
“I’m sorry Jack. I didn’t plan for any of this. Neither did Josh. It just kind of happened. I feel really bad now because you’re the one that has been trying and can’t have one, and here I am, not totally really ready, and I’m having one. It’s not fair.” I said. Jack hugged me.
“I’m not mad about any of this. I’m not. I love you, sis. I really do. I just wish you told me sooner.” he said. I pulled out of his arms.
“It’s not something you tell everyone over the phone though. I wanted to tell you in person.” I said.
* * *
Josh and I arrived home around four. I went upstairs and showered. When I got out, I put on a nice, simple black dress, and set my hair in large rollers, so there would be just a bit of a wave in it. Only a quarter to five, I lie back on the pillows of my bed and read the book I’ve been working on. About a quarter to seven, the time Josh told me to be ready, I took the rollers out and put a bit of face powder on and some lip gloss. At seven on the dot, I open my bedroom door to see Josh standing there with a single pink rose.
“I’d have bought you a red one, but I know how you don’t really care for them.” he said handing me the rose. He was wearing a new black suit with a new tie.
“Aww. Thank you hon. you look handsome.”
“I don’t look half as handsome as you do beautiful.” He said, offering me his arm. I let him take my arm and lead me downstairs to the dining room. We stop outside the door, which is closed.
“Ready?” Josh asked me. I nodded my head. Josh swings open the door. My mouth drops open. He had taken the ordinary dining room and magically transformed it. He had a white lace tablecloth on the table, he had pulled out his best china, he had put pink, white and red candles everywhere and also had pink rose petals scattered on the table.
Josh led me to my seat and pulled out the chair for me. I sat down. Josh sits down across from me, and then pulls the cover off of the plate in the middle, revealing the dinner he cooked for us. I was speechless. Josh served us dinner, and we ate. Eventually I found my voice and we talked about things and stuff.
After dinner, we went into the living room and cuddled on the couch. Josh hit a button on a remote and some soothing jazz music started playing. Josh’s left hand found mine and he intertwined his fingers and mine. He brought our hands up to his mouth and kissed the back of mine. His right arm found it’s way around my waist. Josh put our hands down and untwined them. He moved his head to my neck and kissed it. He worked his way up to my ear. He stopped kissing me when he got there. He started whispering.
“I love you so much, Mel. I feel like only half a person without you. Will you help me be complete forever?”
I turned my head to look at him, and as I did, I felt something being put onto my left ring finger. I look down. On my finger was a beautiful ring. It was a larger stone, with four smaller stones on either side of it. My mouth drops open. I turn back to Josh.
“Yes..I will.” I manage to say. Josh smiles and kisses me. I bring up my newly ringed hand and cupped his cheek. When we finish, I look into his eyes.
“I love you more than my own life. I’d be proud to be your wife. I’m proud to be the mother of your child. I love you.” I said. When we went to bed, we both went to Josh’s room.
Thirty-Six by Dawn Dustings
Josh and I woke up the next morning to Amanda walking all over us. I woke up first. Josh had one arm across his chest and the other across his stomach. I watched as Amanda pounced on his hair. His eyes opened as Amanda got ready to pounce again. I giggled as Amanda flew past my shoulder to claw at his hair. I leaned up enough to pick her up and put her on the floor. I lay back down.
“It’s so nice and comfortable here. I never want to get up again.” I said. Josh looked at me.
“Did you sleep well, Mel?”
“It was a very lovely night.” I say. Josh catches the double meaning. He looked at the clock.
“We better get going. We’re due at the compound in an hour for our group Christmas. Joey might not forgive us if we’re late.” he said. He made no notion of getting up. After a few minutes, I got up and got some breakfast and got ready to go. Josh followed suit. We headed out to the cars, and I got into mine. Josh looked at me.
“Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean I can’t drive. Besides, when I’m huge and fat, you can drive me everywhere. Let me drive while I still can.” I say, getting in. Josh got in next to me. I started the car and pulled out of the driveway.
“Who are we going to tell first?” I ask a few minutes into the drive.
“Who do you think we should tell first?” Josh asked back.
“I don’t know, I’ve never been engaged before. Maybe my mom and your parents? Or should we let the guys know today?” I ask. I feel Josh look over at me.
“We could mean to tell our families first, but if it kind of comes out today, it could be an accident.” he said. I love him. He always comes up with the best solutions.
I pull into the compound and park the car. I look over at Josh.
“Ready?” I ask him.
“Yep.” he reached into the backseat and got the bag of presents. He opened the car door and got out. I opened mine and got out. I joined him at the front of the car. Josh took my hand and we walked into the compound hand in hand.
“YAY!! THEY’RE FINALLY HERE!!” Josh and I hear before the door is even shut. I look over at Josh. He’s laughing.
Joey comes running into the room and grabs the bag from Josh.
“Are these all for me?” he asks excitedly.
“No, but there MIGHT be some in there for a GOOD BOY named JOE.” I say. Joey takes the bag and runs off. Josh is still laughing. We take our coats off and follow where Joey went.
“Christmas sure brings out the children in some people.” Josh manages to say as we enter the room. I start laughing, capturing the slight double meaning in the look on Josh’s face as he said it.
Josh and I sit down on a couch together. Josh is on my left, and Diane, Lance’s mom is on my right. She has a camcorder in her hands. On the couch across from us is Lance, Johnny and Steve, Joey’s brother, also with a camcorder. On the floor at the foot of the tree are Joey and Chris. Chris is just as excited as Joey, but he has better self-control. Once we were all settled, Chris and Joey started throwing presents at us.
Thirty-Seven by Dawn Dustings
The first present that landed in my lap was from Josh. I decided to wait and do that one last. The first one I opened was from Justin. He got me a radio for the shower. Attached to it was a note.
‘We all sing in the shower, and none of are ashamed to admit it. There’s nothing like hearing one of your own songs on the radio, and now you can have a duet with yourself while you get ready for the day -Justin.’
Chris gave me a giant stuffed pug, for the baby’s room. Joey gave me some doo-wop and baby song Cds, to ‘let the baby get a great musical start‘. Johnny gave both Josh and I some gift certificates to a toy/baby store, and he gave some to Chris and Joey, but that’s because they wanted them. Lance gave Josh and me a joint gift. It just blew me away. I handed the paper to Josh. He read it over and looked up at Lance.
“Lance, you didn’t have to. Really. Melody and I could have done that.” he said across the room. The room went silent, waiting for Lance’s response.
“Jc, It’s no big deal. All of us are going to spoil that baby, and I’m really happy for the two of you.” he said, aware that everyone was listening.
“What’d he do?” Diane asked us, trying to read the paper in Josh’s hands.
“He bought all the furniture for the baby’s room for us. The crib, changing table, everything.” Josh said. Diane’s jaw dropped.
“James Lance Bass, you didn’t.” She said. Lance looked at his mother. She slowly shook her head, astounded at what her son had done.
Things picked back up a bit. The last present on my lap was Josh’s. I open it carefully to find a necklace box in it. I open the box. Inside is a beautiful pearl necklace with a heart pendant studded with small diamond chips.
“Oh my god, Josh. I’ll have to find a dress to match this and wear it at our wedding!” I lean over and kiss him on the cheek. He looked very pleased with himself.
Once again the room had gone silent.
“Wedding?? Did I just hear you say wedding??” Steve asked from behind the camera. I nodded and held up my left hand. Everyone crowds in to see the ring.
“Wow.” I hear Lance mutter from under his breath.
Joey stands up and slaps Josh on the shoulder.
“I want to wish you the best of luck, Mr. Beam.” He said with a straight face. The smile Josh had on his face vanished. Everyone else tries to hold back their laughter. I try to keep a straight face as I respond.
“That has a nice ring to it. Joshua Scott Beam.” I say. Josh turns to me. He sees that I’m kidding him. He shoves me gently, shaking his head as he starts to laugh. As soon as he started laughing, we all did.
* * *
That night, as we lie next to each other in his bed, I bring up the question that had been on my mind all day.
“What day should we get married?” I asked him.
“I don’t care. I want you to have the wedding of your dreams. I just want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you.” he said.
I thought for a moment.
“How about early August? Like about halfway between our birthdays? The baby will be a few months old by then, and I might have lost most of the baby weight by then too.” I say.
“Sounds great. I love you.”
Thirty-Eight by Dawn Dustings
On New Years Eve, Josh and I went to my mom’s house before we went to the compound. Mom opened the door.
“Sweetie! You look more mom-like since last week. I can’t believe my baby girl is having a baby of her own.” she stepped aside and let us in. Jack and Cindy were there too, deep in discussion with each other. As soon as all of us sit down and had gotten comfortable, I looked at Josh.
“Mom, Jack, Cindy” I started. The three of them look at us.
“What?” mom asks.
“Josh and I got engaged last week. We’re thinking of getting married in early August.” I say.
Mom smiles politely. Jack looks at me, then at Josh, then at Cindy, then back at me.
“No way. Really? My baby sister’s getting married?” He said. I nodded. They smiled and congratulated us. Mom got up and headed to the kitchen, saying she wanted to make some hot chocolate. I got up and followed her. When we got into the kitchen, she turned to me.
“I know what you’re thinking, Mom. Josh and I are meant to be together. He’s the one. I love him. I love him more than I love my own life. I’d do anything for him.” I say.
“I know you would baby, but he is the first person you’ve dated since Mike.” she said. The name was like a slap in the face.
“Why are you bringing him up now? I’ve been doing great. I know Josh is my one and only. He stuck by me when I told him about Mike, and he was right there next to me when I was in therapy last month. He even took me back, no questions asked after that long hard month before we knew I was pregnant. Nobody else would do that for me.” I say.
“Maybe he feels obligated to stay with you now, because of the circumstances.” mom said. I almost walked up and slapped her.
“How dare you even suggest that! If Josh didn’t love me, then I never even would have been in therapy! He’s the one that suggested it. He stayed with me through it too. If he didn’t love me, he could have left me then.” I say. I turn back around and head back to my fiancée. I sit down next to him and just sit there until we leave.
“What was that all about back there?” Josh asked as he started my car. I knew I was too upset to drive.
“Mom doesn’t think we should be together. She brought up the idea that you might feel obligated to be with me ‘because of the circumstances’.” I said. Josh glanced at me.
“I do feel obligated to be with you.” he said.
“WHAT??” I screeched.
“I feel obligated to be with you because you’re the one I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with. I love you.” he said. I smacked him on the arm.
“You nimrod. I hate you. You almost gave me a coronary.” I turn and look out the window. Josh apologizes and then we drive to the rest of the way to the compound in silence.
“I forgive you.” I say as we get out of the car. Josh and I hung out with the guys and their dates until about a half hour until midnight, when the champagne came out. Justin and I shared a bottle of sparkling grape juice. At midnight, Josh and I kissed. This was going to be our year.
Thirty-Nine by Dawn Dustings
Josh gently shook me awake.
“Honey?” he whispers.
“What?” I ask.
“Johnny wants us to come in for a meeting. He said it’s not too terribly important, just work stuff.”
I sit up.
“Both of us?” I say, looking Josh over.
“Yeah. I don’t know what it’s about though. Come on, let’s go get it over with.” he turned and left the room. I got up and got ready to go.
When we arrived at Johnny’s office, we sat down.
“Melody, you’re looking good.” he said.
“Thanks.” I say, waiting to see what he wanted us for.
“I just wanted to tell Melody here that she’s won a People’s Choice Award. Best New Artist, I believe. And Jc, you and the guys won for Best Pop Duo/Group.”
I sat back in my seat, feeling somewhat amazed. Josh didn’t seem the least bit fazed.
“They think I’m that good?” I asked.
“Apparently. But we already knew that, didn’t we?” Johnny said, smiling at me, probably remembering the days when the guys were starting to get nominations and wins. Johnny looked down at the papers on his desk and became all business again.
“The guys will fly out a few days before the awards start, but since you two are in a bit of a situation, so to speak, I have arranged for a tour bus to take you there. It takes longer, but we don’t want to put your baby at risk, after all, you guys are all like a giant family.” Johnny says. Josh looked at him.
“J, thank you so much for thinking of that. I wouldn’t even have thought of something like that. You put the rest of us before anybody else. Thanks, man.” Josh said.
The rest of the meeting was about travel arrangements and such.
When the meeting ended, Josh and I went to a baby store and bought some necessities that we would need when the baby arrived. When we finished that, we headed to a fast food restaurant for lunch. I wanted fries. Josh seemed a bit hesitant about this, probably worried about the baby’s nutrition. I ordered a salad and fries, and water. Josh got a burger and fries. We drove around the coast until we found this little beach park. We went and sat at a picnic table, both of us facing the water and ate our lunch. A breeze was coming in off the water, making it a bit chilly for south Florida in January. I was glad I had brought my windbreaker, and Josh had put a long sleeve shirt on.
“This place seems so peaceful.” I say a little while after finishing my food. Josh took a sip of his drink and nodded. I lifted my one leg and turned so I was straddling the bench, facing Josh.
“I can’t believe that we’re having a baby together. Or that we’re going to get married. I love you.” I said to his profile.
Josh turned to me, lifting his leg up so he was also straddling the bench, facing me.
“It’s hard for me to even realize how my life had been before I met you. I couldn’t believe it when you said ok that night we became a couple. I can’t even process the fact that we’re having a baby together, or that we’re engaged. I feel like the luckiest man that had ever lived, and it’s all because of you. I love you, Melody. I love you more than anything else in the world.” he said. He leaned to me, and placed a kiss on my lips. Feeling happy and safe, I turned the kiss more passionate.
In the middle of our kiss, I felt a strange sensation in my abdomen. I pulled away from Josh. He opened his eyes and looked at me, confused. I place one of his hands on my little bump.
“The baby just moved.” I said, looking into his eyes, knowing mine were filled to the brim with love and wonder. Josh’s face changed as he registered this.
“Really?” he asked in an excited whisper. I nod.
I look into his eyes. I haven’t had time to sit and look into his eyes in such a long time. It was like I was looking into those deep, beautiful, serious blue eyes for the first time. My heart leaped, a feeling I haven’t allowed myself to feel in a while. I felt excitement and exhilaration rush through my body. I knew once again that I had found my soul mate, my personal angel.
I took Josh with me to get a dress. I picked one that was full length, shimmery and a size larger than what I was wearing now. Wearing that, you couldn’t even tell I was pregnant. The dress had a great flow to it, and I just loved it. In the months that I have known Josh, I never realized how much he loved to shop. I think it might have been that he was looking at shopping with new eyes, but he seemed to be enjoying himself. He even found this one pair of heels that actually fit his feet. He was trying to walk around in them. It was adorable. I found a pair of black flats that I liked and went with the dress. I went to a doctor’s appointment, where they did the first ultrasound. Our baby was a little blur moving in a sea of blur, but it didn’t make it any less amazing.
The night before we leave for the award show, Josh and I are on his bed, talking.
“Josh?” I ask after a bit of silence.
“Yeah?”
“When did you first realize that you loved me?” I ask. Josh is quiet for a moment.
“I realized I was falling in love with you on our first date. I realized that I was completely head over heels in love when we were listening to the final mix of that one song that we co-wrote. I realized that I was probably the luckiest man to hear a song that I had helped write being sung by the voice of an angel. My angel.” He said. He looked over at me.
“How about you?”
“When I had told you about Mike and you still cared about me. I never dreamed anyone would want someone like me, someone who practically watched their first and only boyfriend die an untimely death. I never dreamed that someone would want to even take a second look at someone with so much emotional baggage. I realized that day that you were different. I love you.” I said. Josh was watching me.
“You are so crazy. Of course somebody wanted to be with you. I did. We just didn’t know each other yet. I knew I liked being with you after the day in the pet store. When you spend a whole day with someone, you get their entire image. By the end of the day, they show their true colors. I knew from that day that you obviously didn’t want to know me because you knew I had a lot of money. I knew you were honest. I knew I wanted to see you again.” I looked at him.
“I thought you were a cool guy, but I couldn’t bring myself to think of you or anyone, really, in a romantic sense.” I looked down at my belly.
“Guess you were the right one there.” I said, laughing. Josh leans over to me and kisses me. The baby starts moving again. I put Josh’s hand on my belly and press it down a little.
“It’s moving again, feel it?” I ask.
“Yeah, I actually do.” Josh whispers in amazement. He looks into my eyes.
“It makes everything seem so much more real to feel it. I know you can, but for me, this is the first time I can feel it. It’s really just so amazing.” he whispers into my face.
Forty-One by Dawn Dustings
Josh and I awoke to the sound of his alarm. We ate a quick breakfast before we left. We loaded all our stuff onto the bus, including Amanda. I would have left her with Mom, but lately she’s been acting funny. As soon as we have some food and were ready, we leave. I went and stretched out on one of the bunks. The rocking must have lulled me to sleep, because the next thing I knew, Josh was on the bed across from me, sleeping with a book lying on his chest. I reach for my bag and get my camera out and take a picture of him like that. I look at my watch and realize it’s almost lunchtime. I get out of the bed and head to the kitchenette. I got out a can of soup and heated it up. By the time it was finished, Josh was wandering in. I offered him some soup. He shook his head no, and found some crackers to eat instead.
“Did you enjoy your nap?” I asked him. He nodded.
“Did you like yours?” he asked. I nodded. When we finished eating, we wandered to the back and found a play station, along with some games. I found Harry Potter and played it for a few hours until I was sleepy again. Amanda had disappeared on the bus. I got out some food and water for her and went and took a short nap, waking when Josh told me dinner was ready. Amanda had curled up on my stomach. I looked down at her.
“What’s the matter, Amanda? You’ve been acting funny for the last few months. You haven’t even eaten either in the past day. I hope you’re alright.” I picked her up carefully and placed her on my pillow. I went out to the little table to find Chinese takeout on the table, waiting to be eaten.
“Josh, you know you don’t have to impress me anymore.” I say, sitting down.
“I know. I just wanted dinner to feel like we’re more at home.” he said, sitting down across from me.
As we ate, we talked about what it would be like at the award show. Josh had been through this so much, it was old hat to him.
“Being with you for all of this, Mel, is like seeing the music industry through new eyes. It’s more exciting to me now than it was before I met you.” he said at one point. As it normally did, the conversation turned to things and stuff. We talked about our wedding, and decided on August 2nd as the big day. It was exactly halfway between our birthdays.
We finished dinner and watched a movie on the DVD player. When the movie finished, Josh and I headed to bed. Amanda curled up on my pillow. I drifted off into dreamless sleep.
Forty-Two by Dawn Dustings
The next morning, I woke up because my pillow was wet. I turned my head to see why the pillow was wet and saw Amanda on it, with some balls of wet fur pressed up against her belly. I sat up and turned to look at her.
“Oh Amanda! I’m sorry I didn’t know that you were expecting!” I whispered to her. I got up and sat on Josh’s bed.
“Josh, hon, get up. Amanda had kittens!” I say to him, shaking him awake.
Josh sat up immediately.
“What?” he asked me.
“Amanda had kittens. Five of them, look!” I say, pointing to my bed. Josh turned to look at her. As Josh and I watched, she had another one. She pushed it out and then once it was out, she leaned back and licked the sac off the baby.
“I hope I know what to do when it’s time for ours to come.” I whisper to Josh.
“You will, Mel, you will.” he said, putting his arm around my waist.
When the kitten found it’s way to Amanda’s belly, Josh and I went to the front of the bus, where our phones were. Josh got on his, calling by the sounds of it, Joey. Joey must have called Lance, because the next thing I knew, my phone was ringing. Lance told me to call my vet, and to ask her what to do, until then, leave Amanda alone. I called Amanda’s vet and asked her what we should do. The vet told us to leave Amanda alone, but make sure she gets plenty of fluids and food.
I went to sit on Josh’s bed to check on Amanda. She seemed to be doing fine. Feeling inspired, I found the journal my mother gave me and started to write.
When I had finished it, I went back to find Josh. I found him at the table with the phone still at his ear.
“Honey, if you keep that thing attached to your ear, you won’t be around to see your child grow up.” I said, sitting down across from him. He threw me a glance, then told the person he was talking to that he had to go, and that he hoped to see them soon. I gave Josh my journal. He read through the song, then looked up at me.
“Hon, I think this is the best song you’ve written so far. It’s just awesome. Love you.” he said.
“Love you too.” I said, smiling at him.
The rest of the trip out to LA was uneventful. Johnny had our hotel arrangements changed so we could bring Amanda and her kittens in with us. Josh and I were happy to arrive in LA. Those beds were very small.
Forty-Three by Dawn Dustings
After we reached the hotel and got Amanda and her kittens settled in, we went sightseeing. The guys arrived later that night. Lance and Joey came by to see the kittens. They both thought the kittens were adorable. The next day was the pre award-primping day. We all spent the day doing errands. I tried on the dress we got and found that it was already too small. Lance and I went out and found a new dress, but you could still see that I was expecting.
“I guess it’s time to let everyone know.” I said, looking at myself in the mirror.
“I guess so.” Lance said. I had brought him because I trusted his opinion and I wanted to surprise Josh with the way I looked the next day.
The day of the awards came quickly. I was going to be whisked to a spa for the morning and afternoon. Josh and the guys had the day to get themselves ready. I met up with the guy’s dates at the spa. We spent the day bonding over masks and hair treatments and everything. When we were ready, we got into the limo and headed to the hotel to pick up the guys. The guys got into the limo. Josh sat next to me.
“You got a new dress.” he said, looking at me.
“I grew out of the other one already. You look really good. If you look this great, I can’t wait until August 2nd.” I said. Josh grinned. He took my hand.
“I’m so happy you’re so confident during this time, while you carry our child. I love you so much.”
We arrived at the venue where the awards were being held. Chris got out first, then his date. Lance got out next, and then Joey preceded Kelly, then Justin and Britney got out. Josh climbed out and then offered his hand to me. I took hold of it and climbed out. I was blinded by flashes. Josh took my left hand and we headed down the red carpet, talking to a few reporters. We even signed a few autographs on the way in. At least a few wanted to know when I was due. I told them that whenever the baby comes, it comes. When we got into the building, Josh started laughing.
“’When it comes is when I’m due?’” he says, laughter still etched onto his face.
“Shut up. I think it’s very diplomatic.” I said.
We found our seats and sat down. The guys sat with us. When the time came, the guys went up and accepted their award. I listened intently to their thank you’s. Especially when Josh got up there.
“I’d like to thank everyone I know. Especially Mom and Dad, my innumerous family members, and a very special thank you to my angel. Everything seems so new with you here to encourage me to be my very best.” after they finished, the show went to commercial, and then my category came up. I acted surprised when they named me. I went up to accept my award.
“I’d like to thank everyone that was involved in my album, and for the guidance of it all. Lance, you’re an awesome manager, I couldn’t ask for anyone better. Mom, thanks for all the support, and also, my musical angel for everything he’s taught me, and thank you for being by my side through everything we’ve been through. And of course, the fans, for making this award happen.” I went backstage when I finished. Josh hugged me when I got back there.
“So I’m a musical angel, am I?” he asked.
“Well, you’re my angel and you’re musically talented.” I said. Josh looked down at me and placed a kiss on my nose.
When the show was over, we got our gift baskets and headed back to the hotel. Joey called Josh’s cell, inviting us to an after party. Josh and I declined because we were exhausted, and we headed back to the hotel.
Forty-Four by Dawn Dustings
The trip home was uneventful. When we arrived home, Josh got on the phone with someone. I settled Amanda back in. Josh got on the phone with someone, and it sounded like he was planning something with them. I went upstairs and crawled into my bed. I didn’t sleep here much, but I wasn’t ready to give my bed up yet. I picked up the baby name book and started reading names. I started to fantasize what it would be like after the baby was born. I couldn’t imagine how it would be. I wrote down my favorite names that I’ve read so far, and eventually drifted off to sleep.
As January continued, my baby belly got larger. I was quickly growing out of clothes. I also got weird cravings for food at the weirdest times. I wanted a cheeseburger for breakfast one morning, then ten minutes later I wanted a pizza. Poor Josh was going crazy trying to keep up with my moods. The guys gave up and decided to stay out of the way, after I blew up at Lance one day as we were going over some work stuff.
One day Jack came over.
“What?” I asked him.
“We’ve found a baby to adopt. We’re putting in the paperwork to adopt him. He’s almost a year old, but we think he’s the best one we’ve seen so far.” he said.
“Really? That’s great, Jack. When is the adoption going to be final? When can we meet him.
“The adoption may take a while, but you can meet him soon. I wanted to tell you first. My next stop is to tell Mom. Wish me luck.” Jack said as he left.
I went to the studio that Josh had, and we now shared. I sat at the piano and just played. I didn’t even look up until some time later when I sensed someone standing behind me. I looked up to find Cassie standing there.
“A social service lady contacted me today.” she said. I gestured for her to sit down. She sat next to me.
“She told me that someone wanted to adopt my son. I didn’t expect it to take this long. I don’t know how I feel about him being adopted now.” she said.
“Well, why not?” I asked her.
“I’ve gotten used to the idea of him being there, where I can ask for him back at anytime, I guess. If he’s adopted, I’ll never see him again. I want to be able to see him from time to time.” Cassie said. I leaned over and hugged her.
“It may seem weird, but I’ve missed talking to you.” she said into my shoulder.
“I missed talking to you too. It may seem weird, but would you like to be one of my bridesmaids?” I asked her. She sat back.
“You’re getting married?” she said. I showed her my left hand.
“Josh proposed on Christmas Eve. We’re getting married in August. I want you to be in the wedding. I feel like I never missed anything when we’re together. Must be the close age range. I like to think of you more as like the sister I never had. Is that alright with you?” I asked her.
Cassie got a large smile on her face.
“Melody! I’m so happy for the two of you! Of course I’ll be one of your bridesmaids!” she squealed. She hugged me again.
We talked a little while longer before she went home. That night in bed, I realized a funny thing that had happened that day. I smiled as I fell asleep.
Forty-Five by Dawn Dustings
January turned into February. I was faced with the decision of releasing my next single or just wait until my sophomore album was more ready to be released. The pregnancy was helping my writing, and I had many songs ready to record and some already recorded. I talked Josh into doing a duet with me on my second album, and he didn’t know it yet, but the one I was planning on using for it was going to be the poem he wrote me for my birthday last year.
When I wasn’t writing, I was busy with baby and wedding preparations. Josh and I were planning on a secret wedding, one that the media wouldn’t know about until after it happened. We were very tight lipped about any questions like that when we were in public. As far as we knew, nobody we hadn’t told personally didn’t know that we were engaged.
The guys were planning a tour, shorter than the ones they used to do, this one only from mid May until late July. A week before my birthday, actually.
Amanda’s kittens were growing fast. Josh and I decided to sell them, maybe keeping one. I had one set aside for Joey, he picked it out for his birthday. In a few more weeks, they would be ready to be taken away from Amanda.
Josh and I were in the nursery, getting the major stuff done. I was hanging curtains while Josh was working on the walls. He was sanding them down and painting them pastel colors. I didn’t want an all pink or all blue room, and end up with the wrong gender. So we decided that a pastel rainbow of sorts would look cool. I was getting ready to hang up some curtains when I felt the baby move, only it felt more concentrated, like it was pushing against the wall of my womb. I dropped the curtains and placed my hands where I felt it. Josh looked over at me.
“Are you alright, Mel?” he called over to me, with a hint of worry in his voice.
I look over at him. He’s covered in paint splotches, and he was holding a paint roller. I started to laugh. Josh starts to look puzzled.
“The baby just kicked.” I managed to say between fits of laughter.
“So why are you laughing?” Josh asked me.
“I don’t know. I just looked at you and had to laugh.” I say. The baby kicks again.
“Come over here and feel it.” Josh puts the roller down and makes his way over to me. He puts his hand where I tell him to. The baby kicks again. Josh’s face turns to amazement.
“It’s so hard to believe that there’s a human being in there. Life is so amazing.” he looks into my eyes.
“I feel so blessed and lucky that I have found the one person that would do this for me, for us. I can’t believe how more beautiful she gets everyday. I find it harder to remember how I ever lived without her. I love you, Melody.” he said.
“I love you too, Josh.”
Josh leans in and places a kiss on my lips. I kiss him back, and we stay embraced for what seems like a long time. We eventually go back to work on the room, getting ready for the baby’s arrival.
Forty-Six by Dawn Dustings
Josh’s rehearsals became longer and more frequent. I took it much more easier at seven months along. The Grammies were coming up, and I couldn’t believe that I was going to go to them. I was enjoying being pregnant, but I was dying to find out if Josh and I had a daughter or a son. In a few days, Josh and I were going to leave for the Grammies, like we did for the People’s Choice. I took Mom with me shopping, looking for yet more maternity clothes. Josh was going to join us later, after lunch, to do some shopping for the baby and also for some birthdays we had coming up. Mom left us at lunchtime, taking the bags of things we got out to Josh’s car for us. Josh and I headed to a department store, where I found this one really cute top that I wanted to try on. I waddled into the dressing room with it. I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen. I gasped loudly as I doubled over, sinking to the floor. Not being able to get up, I started pounding on the walls of the room. The sales lady came running to me, and opened the door. Josh was right behind her. He took one look at my tear-stained face and told the sales lady to call an ambulance. Josh stayed by my side as we waited for the ambulance, and he held my hand on the way to the hospital. When we got there, he had to stay in the waiting room and fill out papers while they rushed me into the treatment area. They took my blood pressure, drew blood, and stuck an IV into my arm. They asked me many questions, I guess to make sure I wasn’t delusional. When they finished with all they could immediately do, they left. I was alone for a few hours, excluding the many check-ins the nurses did. My doctor finally came in and looked me over.
“Melody, we believe that you were experiencing something we call premature labor. It’s common for some women, and you will be fine. I’m slightly worried because of how early this is. I’m going to make you go on bed rest. You’ll only be allowed out of bed for ten minutes everyday, including bathroom time. I don’t want to risk you going into labor too early.” my doctor went on to explain any of my questions about it, and then left.
Shortly after my doctor left, Josh was allowed in to see me. I could tell by the look on his face that my doctor had told him the diagnosis. He looked terrible, like he was only a jumble of nerves. I smiled at him.
“Well, I guess there is always next year for the Grammies.” I said. Josh smiled weakly.
“Oh Mel. I was so afraid that I might lose you. I’m so relieved that you’re going to be alright. I was afraid that they would come to me and tell me to choose between you and the baby. I couldn’t even imagine life without you. I love you.” he said as he sat down in the chair next to my bed.
“Oh Josh. I love you too. I’m going to be alright. I just can’t go anywhere.” tears welled up in my eyes.
“I wouldn’t change anything in my life. I wouldn’t even do any of it over if it meant that I’d never meet you.”
Josh looked down at me, with a tear rolling down his face.
“You mean that?” he asked.
“I do. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are my very soul.” I let the tears I’ve been holding in roll down my face. Josh reaches up and wipes the tears away. I pull his arm across my body, and he leans to me. We share a passionate kiss.
Forty-Seven by Dawn Dustings
“Mom, could I get another glass of milk?” I ask into the baby monitor next to me. I hear Mom call up the stairs that she’ll be right there. I turn the television on to the channel that will air the Grammies. Josh was reluctant to go, leaving me home alone. Mom stepped in and said that she would stay here, helping me. I told Josh that If I won the award I was up for to accept it for me. The phone rang. I picked it up.
“How’s my sweet Melody?” I hear.
“I’m doing fine, Josh. Where are you? I’m watching the red carpet. I don’t see you yet.”
“We’re here, in the line of limos. We’ll be out soon.” Mom came up and put the milk next to me, and mouthed ‘Who is it?’ I mouthed back that it was Josh.
“We’re getting out now, Mel.” Josh said into the phone. I watched the TV screen, watching the guys get out of their limo. Josh was the last one out. He looked funny being there without a date, and on his phone. I smiled.
“You won’t believe this, but there is this guy all dressed up on the red carpet, he’s dateless AND he’s on his cell. How tacky.” I said into the phone. I saw Josh laugh. He walks up towards the building with the guys. I told him to stop and talk to the people that were doing the coverage that I was watching. Josh stopped the guys, and they all answered questions about how excited they were to be there. They asked Josh how I was doing, and they wanted to know where I was. I listened as Josh answered them.
“Melody is doing great. She wasn’t able to come here tonight, and babe, ‘Something Like You’.” I hear it from both the television and the phone.
As they walk away, I tell him how sweet he was. As he walked into the building, we said our love you’s and hung up. I watched as the guys won their first Grammy. When my category comes up, Josh called me. When they announced my name, I let out a scream. Josh walked up to the podium.
“Excuse my phone, but I’m going to say Melody’s speech straight from her own mouth.” he went on, repeating everything I said. I was sure that this little trick was going to go down in history as a first.
Mom was sitting next to me, laughing as Josh thanked himself for me. I started laughing too, watching it on the TV. I was so happy I was taping it, our child could laugh at Daddy thanking himself for loving Mommy.
The next day, Josh arrived home again. I showed him the tape of him thanking himself, and we both had a good laugh.
Forty-Eight by Dawn Dustings
After a month and a half of the strict bed rest, my doctor gave us the good news that I was allowed to be up and about for up to an hour. Josh had finished up the nursery for me, and we were ready for the baby’s arrival. We had names picked out, and were waiting to see what we were going to have.
The fist day I was allowed to be up for an hour was looking like it would be a nice April day. I got out of bed to stretch and to go to the bathroom. I went to the window and stood there, looking out it into the beautiful morning, when I felt a mild discomfort, and felt an oozing sensation, and looked down to see a clear liquid flowing out from between my legs. I waddled over to the bed.
“Josh! Wake up!” I say, trying to shake him awake. Josh rolls over and opens one eye.
“What?” he says.
“My water just broke.” I say. Josh opens both eyes.
“Really?” he says, sitting up.
“Yes. Come on, get dressed and let’s go.” I grab a pair of flip-flops and put them on. Josh pulls some clothes on. He grabs the bag of clothes we had packed the week before. Josh threw a towel on the floor to mop up the fluid on the carpet. Josh dove us to the hospital where we checked in. They took me up the maternity floor and put me into a delivery room. Pretty soon, my doctor was in checking me over. She said that it would be a little while before anything happens. Josh went out and made some phone calls. Pretty soon, the guys start arriving to wish me luck. Jack was on duty, so he stopped in and then Mom came in to see me. It seemed like an eternity, but also, in some weird paradox, time seemed to fly by really fast. Soon I was breaking Josh’s hand as he held mine while I pushed. I found a strength in my body that I never knew I had. After one last gigantic push, Josh and I heard a baby’s cry. I lie back, knowing that was the cry of my own child. The nurse called out the time. My doctor looked up at Josh and me.
“You have a very beautiful baby girl. Ten fingers, ten toes, and an awesome set of lungs, as you heard.”
Josh kissed my forehead as I was handed our daughter. I looked down at my daughter for the first time. She was so beautiful. She had a feminine version of Josh’s nose, my lips, and our eyes. The top of her small head had a fine covering of dark brown hair. As I held her, she opened her eyes and looked up at me. They were the same shade as both Josh and mine.
“Welcome to the world, sweetie. Happy birthday.” Josh leaned over and kissed her on her forehead.
“I love you, my sweet little daughter.” he whispered to her. The nurse came over and asked us what we were going to name her. Josh gave the nurse my favorite name that we had picked out. The nurse took her from me and cleaned her up a bit. She also put the ankle tag on her. My doctor finished up with the afterbirth procedure, and told me that I would be taken to a private room shortly. She congratulated us and left. Josh stayed with me for a few more minutes before he went out to the waiting room and announced the arrival of our daughter to the guys and my mother.
After a few hours, I was ready for visitors and everyone came in, carrying gifts and stuff for the baby and us.
“So, what did you guys name her?” Mom asked me. I looked over at Josh.
“You didn’t tell them?” I said.
“I figured you could do that. I told them she was here.” He said. Just then, they wheeled her into the room for a feeding.
“Guys, I want you all to meet Arabella Madison Chasez.” I said.
Forty-Nine by Dawn Dustings
Bringing home Arabella seemed surreal. I knew it would take some time to adjust.
Josh’s parents and siblings were coming to stay for a few days. The thought of meeting his mother made me nervous. Josh and I have been together for almost a year, but because his mom lived in Maryland, I hadn’t met her yet.
Josh seemed totally taken by Arabella. Almost every time I saw him when I was awake, he was carrying Arabella around and singing softly to her. The look on his face every time he saw her was one of pure love. It made me realize all over again why I loved him so much.
When we went to pick up his family at the airport, we left Arabella at home with mom. Josh held my hand as we waited for them to get off the plane.
“MOM! DAD! TJ! HEATHER!” he yelled over all the noise. Four people came over to us. The older couple hugged him as his siblings said hello to me. Then Josh introduced us. We headed to the car since none of them checked in luggage. When we arrived at home, I introduced them all to my mother.
Karen, his mother, picked up Arabella and started cooing at her. The four of them took turns holding her and cooing over her.
That night in bed, I turned to Josh.
“Why do I feel like your mom doesn’t like me?” I asked him.
“She didn’t want me to tell you, but she went out and bought Melody of Life when it came out, she wanted to get to know you. She knew how I felt about you, and since the two of you hadn’t met, she felt that she might be able to get to know the girl that had swept her son clean off his feet by listening to her music. She feels like she knows you, that’s all. Trust me. If she didn’t like you, you’d know.” he said. He leaned over and kissed me.
“I love you.” he said, rolling over and falling asleep.
Arabella had just turned a month old when Josh went on tour. My days turned into a blur of wedding plans, fittings, exercising, and Arabella. Josh called every night and told me how much he missed us. I kept him up to date on the wedding plans and our daughter. I wrote our vows. Josh had told me that he trusted me on this. I told him he could always add to them.
A few days after Josh had left, Mom came running into our kitchen with the latest issue of People. She opened to the page with all the latest celeb news. Near the section about births was a picture of me and Josh at the People’s Choice. Next to the picture was the announcement that Arabella had arrived. I called Josh. He seemed somewhat excited about it. I reminded him to get the rings, and let him go.
When Josh came home from tour, we had a big talk. We decided to wait until our honeymoon to be intimate with each other again. We had so many things to do, and time seemed to speed up. I didn’t know if we would get every thing ready in time.
I woke up to an empty room on my 23rd birthday. I had been so busy lately that I had completely forgotten about my birthday. On Josh’s pillow was a single pink rose with a note attached to it. The note said that Arabella was with Josh for the day, and he was going to run errands all day, but that he would be back in the late afternoon, take the day off of planning and spend it pampering my body so that I would look even more beautiful for our wedding.
I spent the day doing at home spa things. I couldn’t believe that I was getting married in six days. Within a week, I would be Mrs. Chasez. The thought was mind boggling.
Josh arrived home without Arabella.
“Your mom was more than happy to take her for the night. She says happy birthday, by the way.” he said, kissing my cheek. Josh went into the kitchen to start dinner. We enjoyed an awesome meal and cuddled on the couch for a long time. We talked long into the night. I didn’t want the night to end, it all felt so magical. It was the most intimate birthday I had ever had. I felt as though the bond between Josh and myself had reached new levels.
Fifty-One by Dawn Dustings
“Are you ready?” Jack asked me.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” I said. Jack took my arm and we got into the line that was out of sight from everyone. Cassie stood before me, a beautiful vision in a pink dress. I had made her my maid of honor. My other bridesmaids were Heather and Kelly. I heard the music start and we watched as one of Josh’s second cousins started down the aisle. Then Kelly and Heather went. Then Cassie went. Finally, when they were in place, the wedding march started and all mine and Josh’s family, along with our closest friends stood up. Jack escorted me down the aisle.
Josh looked really handsome in his tuxedo. His best man was TJ, and his ushers were Joey and Lance. Chris and Justin were sitting in the second row on his side. When Jack and I had made it up to Josh, Jack handed me over. Josh helped me up to my place, right in front of the officiant. I handed my bouquet to Cassie, and let Josh take both of my hands.
The ceremony started with words about what a marriage is. Josh and I just stared into each other’s eyes, knowing that this day was the beginning of a new chapter of our lives. We finally got to the vows. I started them off.
“So many times, I thought I held it in my hands, but just like grains of sand, love slipped through my fingers. And so many nights, I asked the Lord above, please make me lucky enough to find a love that lingers. Something keeps telling me that you could be my answered prayer. You must be heaven sent I swear. ‘Cause something happens when you look at me I forget to speak. Something happens when you kiss my mouth my knees get so weak. Could it be true this is what God has meant for me, ‘cause baby, I can’t believe that something like you could happen to me.”
“Girl in your eyes, I feel your fire burn, all your secrets I will learn, even if it takes forever. With you by my side, I can do anything. I don’t care what tomorrow brings, as long as we’re together. My heart is telling me that you could be my meant to be. I know it more each time we touch. ‘Cause something happens when you look at me, I forget to speak. Something happens when you kiss my mouth my knees get so weak. Could it be true this is what God has meant for me, ‘cause baby, I can’t believe that something like you could happen to me.”
Then came the rings.
“With this ring, I wed thee, Joshua Scott Chasez. I promise to love, to cherish, to have and to hold, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” I slipped on Josh’s new platinum ring band. Josh got ready to do his vows.
“With this ring, I wed thee, Melody Elissa Beam. I promise to love, to cherish, to have and to hold, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” Josh put my ring on my finger. It was beautiful. It was a pink heart stone with three small diamonds on either side of it.
Finally, the officiant pronounced us husband and wife. Josh smiled when it came time for our first kiss as a married couple. He leaned down and kissed me on the lips. I reached for more, and it ended up being one of the sweetest kisses we’ve ever shared. When we finished, we gazed into each other’s eyes. We were married! We turned to the assembled crowd.
“May I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Joshua Scott Chasez.”
Fifty-Two by Dawn Dustings
Josh and I got walked down the aisle and to the beach not too far from where we were. We were going to let everyone else head to the reception first, and then arrive by limo. I took my shoes off and pulled up the hem of my dress and stepped into the lapping water. Josh took his shoes off and pulled up his pant legs and joined me. We stood there for a moment, looking out at sea together.
“You never told me why you chose this place for our wedding.” Josh said after a few moments. I turn to face him.
“Remember that day when we came here to eat lunch?” I asked him. Josh thought for a moment.
“Yeah.” he said, kind of slow.
“It was the first time Arabella moved. I remember how much more real everything seemed that day, and I wanted our wedding to reflect those feelings. Everything seems brand new when I’m with you. I love you.” I said. Josh took my hand.
“I love you too, my sweet Melody. You are the music of my life.” he said. We stood there for a few more minutes and then headed to the limo. The ride to the reception seems to speed by. I look at my new ring, thinking of what it meant. I kissed Josh before we got out of the limo.
“What was that for?” he asked me.
“Just to show you how much I love you, Mr. Chasez.” I said. Josh smiles.
“I love you too, Mrs. Chasez.” he says back.
I had the great idea a few months before that instead of a normal book for the guests to sign, we would put a bunch of Cds out that had mixes of love songs on them, and the guests would pick one out and sign a message on them. It seemed to be a big hit, we got many comments on the idea. I didn’t feel like ending up with some food I didn’t want, so we had a buffet dinner featuring a lot of our favorite foods, there was a lot of Chinese food and a huge dessert buffet. I had insisted on no alcohol, so we had coffee, tea and pop to drink.
When the dinner part was finally over, it came time to dance. I was waiting for the DJ to put on the song Josh and I had chosen to dance to first. Instead of a recorded disk of it though, I heard it come on live. I turned to see Lance, Chris, Joey and Justin on stage with a keyboardist, a guitarist and someone with a harmonica. They started the song, and the DJ announced the dance for Josh and I. The guys started singing our song, which was one of theirs anyways. Josh smiled as we took the dance floor, and started to dance. When his part of the song came on, he sang it softly into my ear. By the end of the song, I had tears running down my face. I never expected that to happen. I looked at Josh when it was over and the DJ started playing recorded songs.
“You are completely amazing. I never saw that coming. I love you.” I said, resting my head on his shoulder. Josh kissed the top of my head.
Later that evening, I stood up at the mike and surprised Josh. I had talked Lance into singing what will be Josh’s part, and I got up there and sang the song that I had written from his poem to him. Josh loved it.
Near midnight, Josh and I left to start our two week long honeymoon. I had thrown my bouquet, and Cassie had caught it. Josh had done the garter thing, but he found it hilarious that I had taken it off before he got to it. He found it in my shoe. When he had thrown it, Joey was the one that had caught it. In the limo on the way to the airport, Josh looked at me.
“I can’t believe it. We’re married. I love you so much, Mel.” he said. I looked over at him.
“I can’t believe it either. I love you too, Josh.”
Fifty-Three by Dawn Dustings
When Josh and I reached our destination, I went into the bathroom and took off my strapless gown and put on some lingerie. I took out the few bobby pins that were in my hair and sauntered out into the room where Josh was standing by the bed. I took a good look at what he was wearing and started to laugh.
“Where did you get those?” I asked him. He was wearing a pair of boxers that had pictures of a ball and chain on them.
“Joey. Where else?” he said.
“And you still wore them?” I said laughing. Josh shrugged his shoulders sheepishly.
I walked up to him and pressed myself against him. I kissed him and he returned the feelings. We lost ourselves to the feelings of love and desire. It felt a bit weird to be making love with Josh for the first time in such a long time, but it also felt so special at the same time.
The night flew by and we enjoyed our first days as a married couple to the fullest. We lounged around and enjoyed each other’s company, and just relaxed.
I woke up first on his birthday. I lied there watching him sleep, thinking of how far we had come in the past year. We had found out that I was pregnant, gotten engaged, I had given birth to our now four month old daughter, and we had gotten married. Josh stirred a bit and I closed the distance between us and kissed his nose.
“Happy birthday sweetie. Love you.” I whispered to him. Josh opened his eyes.
“I turn 27 today.” He said.
“Yep.” I said and leaned back in and kissed him. Pretty soon we were making our own fun when breakfast arrived. I answered the door in my robe and we realized how hungry we were so we ate quickly and then returned to our fun. Around lunchtime, we put on our bathing suits and went to the beach for a swim. We spent the afternoon there entertaining ourselves both on the beach and in the water. When the beach bored us, we went back to the hotel to shower all the sand off. Who knew that burying each other would put sand in the oddest places? When we were dressed, we headed to a restaurant for dinner.
“Mel?” Josh asked after the waiter had taken our orders.
“Yes?”
“I’ve been thinking about this for a while. I want to make a solo album. Justin’s was a big hit, and I realized recently that I have all this music inside me, why don’t I let it out?”
“Oh, Josh! That’s great! You know I’ve been working on mine, so we could work on them together!” I said. Our food arrived. We ate in silence for a few moments.
“I really think I’ve matured a lot since Illusions came out. I feel so inspired right now too.” he said, breaking the silence.
“Oh honey, that’s fabulous! I love you.” I said.
“I love you too, my Melody.”
We finished our dinner, and I handed him his presents from Arabella and me. He loved them. The rest of our honeymoon seemed to fly by twice as fast as it did before his birthday.
Fifty-Four by Dawn Dustings
When Josh and I got home, Mom came over with Arabella and Amanda. Arabella seemed to have grown so much in the past two weeks.
“Did you guys have a nice time?” Mom asked as I unpacked my suitcase. I smiled to myself, thinking of the memories.
“Yes Mom, we had a great time. It was very relaxing.” I said. Mom looked at me.
“I can’t believe that my little girl is married. Your father would have been proud of you.” she said with tears in her eyes. I looked at her.
“Mom, I’m sure he was. Just like he’s proud of Jack and Cindy adopting Ethan.” I said. Ethan’s adoption was finalized the week before. I hadn’t seen him yet, but I had a feeling that I already knew what he looked like.
“Oh Melody, you’ll love Ethan! He’s such a cutie. He looked familiar to me though for some reason.” Mom pulled out a picture and showed it to me. I looked at the toddler in the picture and sucked in a breath.
“I know why he looks familiar, Mom.” I said. I went over to my mirror and pulled down a picture. I handed the pictures to Mom. She looked from one to the other.
“Oh my. Oh my! How long have you known this?” she looked up at me.
“I had a feeling about it ever since Jack told me that they were adopting. Cassie knows nothing about it yet. I didn’t say anything about it until I was sure about it. Now I’m sure.” I started to laugh. My new nephew was my best friend’s unwanted child. Mom and I talked until Bella told us she was hungry. Mom left, probably to go over to Jack’s and talk to him.
Josh came out of the bathroom with his hair still wet.
“I feel much better. There’s nothing like taking a shower at home.” he said. He came over and kissed my forehead, hitting me in the face with wet hair.
“Eeewww! Back up!” I said, pushing him away.
Josh backed up and pouted. Then he picked up Bella and snuggled her.
“Mommy doesn’t like getting her face wet. Looks like it’s just the two of us.” he said, and started to dance around with her and sing. By the time he finished singing the song, she was asleep.
“She’s her daddy’s girl.” I said when Josh came back from putting her in her crib. Josh sat down next to me on the couch. He wrapped his arms around me and placed his chin on top of my head, keeping his wet hair out of my face.
“Do you realize that it’s been almost eight months since you proposed to me here?” I ask him.
“Mmm. I feel the same way for you now as I did that night.” he said.
* * *
“I’ll be in the studio if you need me.” Josh says before his head disappears into the studio. I look at the clock. It was almost dinnertime. I knew that he’d be locked in there for hours before he came out, and I wasn’t going to bother him for something as trivial as dinner. I sat at the kitchen table and ate dinner by myself. By the time Josh finished, I was asleep in bed.
Fifty-Five by Dawn Dustings
As my album was almost ready and Josh had just started his, I had more time with Arabella. I started to feel a bit lonely when Josh would lock himself in the studio for hours on end. I took to hanging out with the guys more, especially Lance, since we had a lot of business stuff to take care of. He was over at the house a lot.
“How come Stacy hasn’t had any kids yet? You’re such a great uncle to Bella.” I said to him one day while Arabella was napping and I was doing the dishes.
“I don’t know.” Lance said, with a note of finality in his voice.
“Well, how about you? Any plans at all?” I ask.
“I want my own kids, but only when I meet the right one.” he said, placing the clean dishes in the cupboard.
“Any prospects yet?” I asked innocently. Of all the guys, Lance is the only one who hasn’t had a girlfriend the entire time I’ve known him.
“Well, there is this one, but she‘s unattainable.” he said.
“Really? Do I know her?” I ask, turning to face him.
“You just might.” Lance said as he walked over to me. He looked into my eyes and then leans down and places a gentile kiss on my cheek. He straightens up and looks into my eyes for another minute. Then he turns and says he had to go and leaves.
Still in shock, I reach up and touch where he kissed me. The realization hits me. Lance was in love with me. It was unbelievable. I was still standing in the same position when Josh came into the kitchen.
“Mel, are you alright? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”
Shocked out of my shock by the sound of his voice, I spin around and continue the dishes. I hear Josh sigh and walk across the room. I hear the fridge door open and close, and then footsteps back out. I finish the dishes and head upstairs and check on my daughter. Seeing that she was still asleep, I head to our bedroom. I start crying as I lock the door and sit on my side of the bed. I suddenly felt all alone. I’ve been married a bit more than a month, and my husband seems to be in a parallel universe, and on top of that, one of his best friends was in love with me. I just sit there and let the tears come.
Hours later, I hear a knocking on the door.
“What?” I called through the door.
“Mel, honey, what’s wrong?” Josh’s voice comes through the door. I dry my tears and open the door.
“Nothing’s wrong. What do you want?” I ask.
“I wanted to make sure you were alright, and I want you to hear something.” he takes my hand and leads me to the studio.
Fifty-Six by Dawn Dustings
I listened to the song Josh played, but before he finished, I was running back up to our room in fresh tears.
“Poor Josh,” I thought, “He has no clue that our entire world has crumbled into pieces today.” I shut the door to our room. It wasn’t long before I heard the knock I was expecting.
“Melody, what’s wrong? I thought you had work to do today with Lance.” at the sound of Lance’s name, I started up with more sobbing. Josh must have heard it through the door because he started to plead with me to let him in. He finally gave up and it was quiet on the other side of the door.
At some point, there was more knocking on the door.
“Melody, what’s wrong, sweetie?” Mom called through the door. I heard Josh and Mom talking muffled on the other side of the door. I get up and open the door. Mom and Josh come walking in. I sit back down on the bed, and they sat on either side of me.
“Mel, I know something is bothering you. Are you pregnant?” Josh asked me. I shook my head no and started with more tears. Mom stroked my hand.
When I managed to stop crying so hard, I asked to be alone with Mom. Josh got up and left, closing the door. I leaned up against Mom and she stroked my hair.
“He really loves you Melody.” Mom said, thinking that was what I needed to hear.
“I know Mom. So does Lance.” I managed to say. Mom stopped stroking my hair.
“What makes you say that?” she asked me.
“Because he kissed me today. He didn’t say it, but the look in his eyes said it all. Lance is in love with me.” I started crying all over again.
“Well, honey, I hope he doesn’t, but I think you should tell Josh all the same.” Mom said. I knew she was right. I took a few more minutes and then stood up. I left our room and went to find my husband. I found him in Arabella’s room.
“I think we need to talk.” I said looking down at him sitting in the rocking chair. He looked up at me.
“I think so too.” he said. I took a breath and told him how I had been feeling, and what had happened today in the kitchen, finishing with how I felt about Josh.
Fifty-Seven by Dawn Dustings
“He did WHAT?!?” Josh exploded.
“You heard me. You also promised not to get mad either.” I said.
“I’M NOT MAD, I’M FURIOUS!” Josh yelled. Over on her blanket on the floor, Arabella let out a cry.
“Honey, you’re scaring our daughter.” I say quietly.
“WELL, IT’S THAT BASTARD’S FAULT!!”
“Joshua Scott Chasez, don’t you ever swear in front of our daughter again.” I say, going over and picking her up. I try to comfort her as I face Josh.
“What are you going to do about it?” I ask him.
“I’m going to tell him to stay the hell away from my wife and daughter. He’s nothing but Mississippi trash as far as I’m concerned.”
“Josh, I don’t want you to end up in jail for assault or worse. Don’t lay a hand on him. Do you hear me?”
“Why shouldn’t I? Do you love him?” He asked. My head jerks back like I’ve just been slapped.
“No I don’t. How could you even think that I would? Don’t you trust me?” I ask.
“I saw the look on your face earlier.” he said.
“I was still shocked at what happened. What else would I be?” I asked. I turned and headed out of Bella’s room.
“I’ll be at my mother’s if you come to your senses.” I said as I left.
“Hi Mom. I need to stay here for a while. Do you mind?” I ask when Mom answers the door.
“Didn’t go well, did it?” Mom asked.
“No, it didn’t.”
Mom took Arabella from me and I sunk into the couch, holding back tears.
“Josh wants to kill Lance, and when I told him not to, he accused me of being in love with him. What am I going to do?” I said. I lied down on the couch and sobbed myself to sleep. I awoke later to the sound of knocking on the front door. I got up and found a note from Mom saying that she went shopping. I answered the door to find Lance standing there. He had a black eye starting around his right eye.
“I think we need to talk.” he said.
“About what?” I asked.
“About Jc, you, me and who I really love.” he said. I open the door and let him in.
“You shouldn’t be here.” I said. Lance pointed to his eye.
“I think I got that point.”
Fifty-Eight by Dawn Dustings
“I can’t believe it. I jumped to conclusions. But I was so sure by the way you had acted. I’m sorry my husband gave you a black eye. I’ve never seen him so mad before. I thought he was going to kill you.” I said to Lance.
“Melody, It’s ok. Remember the day I came by your house and I told you how much he loved you? Now you’ve seen it for yourself.” he says, and gives a short laugh.
Mom comes in the front door with Bella and some groceries. She raises one eyebrow when she sees Lance sitting next to me. Lance jumps up and takes the groceries from her hand. I get up and take Bella. Lance put the groceries on the kitchen counter and then excuses himself and leaves.
“It’s ok Mom.” I say when she turns to me. I start putting the groceries away as Mom sits down.
“What was all that about, sweetie?” she asks me. I turn to her.
“Lance realized that he had met the girl of his dreams last month, and it’s someone I know really well. He’s not in love with me.” I was about to tell her who it was, but there was a knock on the door. Mom got up and answered it. She came back in, followed by Josh.
“What the hell was that bastard doing here earlier? I was going to come back and tell you that you could come back home when I saw his car in the driveway.”
“You know what? I told you to not lay a hand on him, and he has a black eye. I did something you obviously can’t do when you’re mad. I listened to him. If you had listened to him, you wouldn’t have punched him.”
“Why not?” Josh wanted to know.
“He’s not in love with me, Josh. He’s in love with Cassie.” I told him.
Josh did a double take.
“What?” he said.
“He had met Cassie a long time ago, and he realized at our wedding that he was falling in love with her. That’s why he’s been over so much. He’s been hoping Cassie comes by.” I said.
“Then why did he kiss you?” Josh wanted to know.
“Because I’m the one that introduced him to the love of his life. He wanted to thank me, but he didn’t know how, and he did the wrong thing, that’s all.” I said. Josh sat down next to Mom as he absorbed all this.
“So I punched him for no reason. I told him to stay away from you for no reason.” He muttered. He looked up at me.
“Will you come back home tonight?” he asked me. I looked at him.
“Josh, I’m sorry, but I don’t think I could live with you right now, knowing you beat up my boss. I’ve been feeling like you’ve been ignoring me since we came back from our honeymoon and you started on your album.” I turned away from him.
“I won’t come home until Lance’s black eye is gone.” I said, tears welling up in my eyes.
Fifty-Nine by Dawn Dustings
Time seemed to speed by. Lance thought the whole situation was funny, in a morbid sense. He had to stop by so Josh could see his eye. Lance had to see me everyday because we had the last minute stuff on my new album to do.
The day before Baby Blues was released, Lance’s eye was completely healed. I packed up my stuff and headed home to surprise Josh. I pulled into our driveway and walked into the house. I was the one in for a surprise. Josh was on the couch with none other than Cassie! It looked as though they were having an intimate moment, with Cassie curled up and Josh hugging her. As the master of good timing, Arabella decided to give out a coo as she recognized her daddy. Josh and Cassie both looked up at me.
“Josh? Why?” I managed to ask as my eyes filled up with tears. I turned back around and headed back to my car. I strapped Bella back in and got in the driver’s seat and started the car and drove away. I drove around, not paying any attention to where I was going until I found myself parking and getting out of the car with Arabella. I placed Bella on the picnic table and sat on the bench, angling myself so that I could see a certain gazebo with a backdrop of ocean.
Has it really been only two months since I stood on that gazebo and promised that I would love and cherish Josh for the rest of my life? He had promised the same thing. I looked down at my wedding ring. I was going to take it off when I heard a voice calling my name. Arabella looks toward the origin of the voice and bursts out into a smile. I soon hear Josh right behind me.
“Melody. Please let me explain.” he puts his hand on my shoulder.
“You realize this is where we were when Arabella first moved?” I asked him. Josh came around me and sat on the bench facing me.
“Let me start this by saying that you are my meant to be. You are the fire of my heart. I love you. Cassie came by this morning looking for you. Her parents have finally kicked her out once and for all. I guess her boyfriend upset them and now they want nothing to do with her. She felt like there was nowhere else to go. I felt like the least I could do was let her cry.” he said, looking into my face.
“Josh, I want to believe you so much.” I said when he finished.
“Then do, because it’s the truth.” Cassie said from behind me.
I put the finishing touches on my makeup. I was wearing a baby blue knee length dress.
“Are you ready up there yet? We’re going to be late to your release party.” Josh called up to me.
“I’m coming!” I called as I headed out towards him. Josh was standing at the front door with Cassie.
“Didn’t you wear that to your album shoot today?” I asked him. He was wearing his beat up old boots, a pair of beat up and embezzled tan pants, a white shirt and his black double zipper jacket.
“I just got home. Come on, let’s go.” we headed over to the party.
Just like the last time, there were posters of my album cover all over the place. Josh, having been busy with his album, didn’t know what I had named mine, or see the cover for it. I was quite proud of the cover. I had taken a close up picture of my eyes, and one of Josh’s eyes. The cover was a perfect blend of our eyes. It was my right eye and Josh’s left eye. It was kind of eerie. I heard Cassie suck in a breath.
“Did you have the eye color changed to do that?” she asked me. I smiled.
“No, that is our natural eye colors.” they were a perfect match. I looked at Josh to see what his reaction was. He couldn’t take his eyes off of it.
“It almost looks like we’re looking at Bella’s face.” He said when he noticed me looking at him.
“No, there are slight differences. There’s a close up of her eyes in the booklet.” I said, looking at him. He looked at me.
“Really?” he asked. I nodded.
Lance chose that moment to swoop in on us.
“Hi Melody. What up, Jc? Who is this lovely vision?” He asked us. Although he already knew who it was, Lance and Cassie had never met formally. Cassie looked a bit taken by him.
“Lance, this is Cassie. Cassie this is -” I started.
“Lance Bass, right?” Cassie finished, offering Lance her hand.
“Yeah. I work with Melody and Jc.” he said.
“I saw you at their wedding.” Cassie said.
“So did I.” Lance said, with the edge of hidden meaning in his voice.
Josh and I left Lance and Cassie to talk. Maybe they would hit it off. Josh and I had fun at the party, but headed home early. Cassie had stopped by and said that Lance was going to bring her to my mother’s house, where she was staying. Josh and I lied in bed that night talking. The next thing I knew it was morning, and Josh was snoring in my ear, his arms still around me. I got up and headed over to Mom’s to pick up Bella. Mom opened the door before I could get my key in the hole.
“Oh, it’s only you Melody.” she said. She had a worried look on her face.
“What’s wrong, Mom?” I asked her.
“Cassie didn’t make it back last night.” She said.
“But she was with Lance last night. He wouldn’t do anything wrong.” I said.
“That’s what worries me. Lance didn’t make it home either.”
Sixty-One by Dawn Dustings
“What do you mean Lance didn’t get home last night?” I asked Mom.
“Well, when Cassie didn’t make it back by four, I got a bit worried. I know she’s not related to me, but she’s so young. Anyways, I went and drove by where the party was and his car was the only one there, but nobody was around. So I drove by his house, thinking that he might have taken a cab home, but his neighbor was kind enough to tell me that Lance had been gone for hours.” She said.
“Why is that so worrisome? They might have gone to a hotel.” Even as I said it I knew it was ridiculous. Lance wouldn’t take Cassie to a hotel on their first date, or any date for that matter.
“Cassie didn’t want to say anything, but Todd, Ethan’s father came by the other day. I guess she ended their relationship and that it was bad. He was looking for Cassie, said he wanted to get back together. Luckily Cassie was out at the time, but it just seemed to piss him off even more.” Mom said. The phone rang. Mom picked it up and was quiet for a moment.
“Oh hon, I’m so glad you’re alright. What? Surgery? Todd did what? Oh hon. Melody’s here. Do you want to talk to her? No? Alright. Bye.” Mom hung up and looked at me.
“That was Cassie.” she said. I nodded.
“She’s alright, but they had to take Lance into surgery. He and Todd had a fist fight and Todd broke Lance’s nose. Cassie needs someone to be with her.” Mom said.
“I guess you’ll get to hang out with Bella for a bit longer. I’m going to the hospital.” I got up and left.
I pulled into the parking lot of the hospital and asked the nurse where Lance would be. She pointed me down a few hallways and told me where the waiting room was. I hurried to it and saw Cassie sitting alone in the room, crying.
“Oh, Cass.” I said, rushing to her. She looked up at me.
“Melody! I’m so happy to see you!” she said as she stood up. I hugged her.
“Tell me what happened.” I said as I sat down next to her.
“Well, after you and Jc left, Lance and I stayed for a bit longer, and then decided to go somewhere more quiet and talk, to get to know each other better. On our way to his car, Todd came out of the shadows. He called Lance a ‘girlfriend stealing SOB’ and wound up to punch him. I tried to stop them, but he pushed me into a car.” She stopped and showed me her arms, where a line of bruises were starting to form.
“After he pushed me away, Todd punched Lance really hard in the face, and Lance fell down. Todd started kicking him, and I did the only thing I could think of, and I screamed. Todd turned to me and started beating me and calling me every name in the book.” Cassie took a moment to collect herself.
“When I thought he was going to kill me, he was pulled off of me. I looked and saw Lance punch him in the eye. Todd must have given up because then he left, telling me to have a nice life in a really nasty voice. Lance asked me if I was ok before he fainted. I found his cell phone and called for an ambulance and waited with him until they came.” she was interrupted by Josh walking into the room.
“Honey, how’d you find me?” I asked him as he came over and sat on the other side of Cassie.
“When I woke up and you weren’t there, I headed to your mom’s house and she told me what happened and I rushed over here.” he said. A doctor came in and asked if we were waiting for Lance.
“He’s going to be fine. His nose was so broken up, we gave him a new one. He also lost a lot of blood, and that was a concern, but he will pull through with flying colors. You can go in and see him soon.” he said before he left.
When we could finally go in and see him, he looked worse than he was. He had a large bandage wrapped around his head and they were still giving him blood. Cassie burst into tears when she saw him. I could tell she felt so guilty that he was here. I pat her on her shoulder reassuringly. She reached for Lance’s hand and held it. The three of us stayed as long as we could before we had to leave. As we left the hospital, I told Josh to go home. I took Cassie to my mom’s house and picked up Bella.
Sixty-Two by Dawn Dustings
Josh didn’t lock himself in the studio as much. He was starting to gear up for the marketing part of the album making.
Lance’s nose healed nicely, although it did take some getting used to at first. He and Josh were trying to work their way though their problems. I had told him that he must really love Cassie to go through what he has just to be with her. He and Cassie seemed inseparable.
As Arabella turned six months old, my body decided that it was time to go back to normal. I was miserable during my signing tour. I called home every night and for a few precious moments, I talked to my daughter, and to my husband. It helped me sleep knowing that everything was alright at home. I was glad that Josh had decided to come with me on my first country wide tour, coming up after thanksgiving.
One night, Josh sounded a bit different on the phone.
“Josh. Something is up with you. What is it?”
“I came up with a title for my album.” he said. No amount of pestering could get him to tell me what it was though. When he hung up to go to bed, I sighed and thought that the next few weeks couldn’t go by fast enough. I wanted to be home.
* * *
I was finally home. As I walked into the kitchen, Josh was pulling a pie out of the oven.
Arabella was sitting in her high chair, playing with a rattle and my old set of keys.
“I’m home.” I said, standing in the doorway. Arabella looks up at the sound of my voice and starts to gurgle her hello. Josh put the pie on the sink divider and came over to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me.
“I’ve missed you.”
“I missed you too. Johnny came up with the idea that I do a Christmas album.” I said, looking up into those beautiful blue eyes.
“What do you think?” he asked me.
“Maybe next year. It’s too late for it this year.” I say. He squeezes me tighter to him.
“Sounds cool.” he says as he lets me go.
I head over to my beautiful daughter and picked her up. Amanda rubbed against my ankle. I said hello to her and look my baby girl over. I hug her close and start singing “Love” to her quietly. Josh surprises me and joins in with his part. Arabella relaxes against my arms, tired from all the excitement, and happy that I’m home. I headed into the living room and sit on the couch and cuddle with Bella. Josh joins us. It was very cozy there, just the three of us.
“Josh?” I ask, breaking the silence.
“Yes, hon?” he answers.
“What do you think of making “Love” my next single? We could release it together.”
“Mel, that is such a great Idea. I love you. I feel so blessed that I have you in my life. I feel so privileged that you turned my poem for you into a song for us to both sing.” he said, leaning forward the little bit and kissing my cheek.
“I love you too, Josh.”
Sixty-Three by Dawn Dustings
The following day, Josh went to the airport and picked up his family. We had invited both sets of family to our house for our first Thanksgiving as a married couple. When Josh returned home with them, Karen picked up Bella.
“There’s my favorite granddaughter!” she said, cuddling her.
“Mom, she’s your only grandchild.” Josh said, putting down the suitcases he brought in.
“She may be right now, but I hope to have many more to spoil.” she said. I glanced over at Josh. He was glancing at Tyler and Heather. Then he glanced at me.
“Well Mom, that won’t be for a little while.” I say. Karen looks at me.
“Why not?” she asks me.
“Well, Josh and I have our careers to think about, and we want to enjoy Arabella while she’s still this young.” I say.
“That reminds me. I listened to your new album. You did a beautiful job honey. I really liked the one the two of you sang together. It was beautiful.”
“That was a poem that Josh wrote me for my birthday last year.” I say.
We got his family settled in.
On Thanksgiving, I got up early and put the turkey in the oven. A few hours later, Mom arrived, followed by Jack, Cindy and Ethan. Josh had gotten up and was wearing some sweats and sat down and watched the parade. Roy, Tyler and Jack joined him. I had strapped Arabella into her high chair and gave her some graham crackers to chew on.
“Well, it is nice to know that I didn’t marry an alien. At least he watches football on Thanksgiving.” I comment while mashing the potatoes.
“Oh he is such a big Redskins fan.” Karen added. The doorbell rang. I made Josh go and get it. He came into the kitchen followed by Cassie.
“Melody, I need to talk to you.” she said. She looked like she had been crying. I look over at Mom. She nodded and came over and took over the potatoes. I took Cassie into the studio.
“What’s wrong?” I ask her after we sit down.
“I need to talk to someone about Todd.” she said. I drew in a breath.
“Is he still following you?” I asked. She shook her head no.
“This is about what happened when we were together.” she said. She took a deep breath, trying to settle herself to tell me what she was going to say.
“He raped me.” she finally said. I felt stunned.
“He what?” I asked.
“I never wanted to have sex with him. He would slip alcohol into my drinks and get me drunk and when I was too drunk to stop him, he’d rape me.” she said. I shook slowly.
“Does anybody else know about this?” I ask her.
“No, just you. But this isn’t all of it. I’m pregnant again. It must have happened the last time Todd raped me.” she said, starting to cry.
“Oh honey. I’m so sorry.” I said and wrapped my arms around her. She sobbed into my shoulder.
“I think you should tell Lance this though. He loves you.” I said when she quieted down a bit.
“I-I-I know. H-he left for M-M-M-Mississippi yesterday to be with his family today. I couldn’t tell him before he left and r-r-ruin his holiday.” she managed between the sobs that came more frequent again.
“I’m here for you, Cass. I’ll help you through this.” I said, stroking her hair.
“Y-You mean it?” she said, looking up at me.
“Of course I do. You’re my best friend.”
Sixty-Four by Dawn Dustings
Thanksgiving dinner had a certain weirdness to the air. Cassie had joined us, and I think that is what helped contribute to it. When dinner was done, the guys headed back to the couch. We let Cassie do the dishes while we did everything else. She started crying uncontrollably. I went over to her and hugged her. She cried into my shoulder again.
“You really should tell Lance. He’ll be understanding.” I whisper into her ear.
“You really think so?” She asked back.
“I know so. Look at what he’s been through just to be with you. He went through two attacks and a nose job and he’s trying to get back on track with Josh.” Cassie stopped crying long enough to realize what I was saying.
“He had a fight with Jc?” She asked. I smiled.
“For a short while there, we thought he was in love with me. Josh went off the deep end and gave Lance a black eye.” I said. I started leading Cassie upstairs.
“Really? He never told me that.” she said.
“Oh yeah. I’ve never seen Josh so mad about anything.” I helped her into my bed, and told her to go ahead and sleep.
When I had gotten back to the kitchen, it was clean. I sat down at the table and sighed.
“Well, at least the food was edible. Thanks guys for all your help.” I said.
“Oh Melody, it’s no problem.” Mom said. I sat there thinking how funny it was that both Ethan and Cassie were at the same table for so long and she never caught on to the fact that her son was there.
Eventually Mom, Jack, Cindy and Ethan left. I got up and joined Josh, Roy and Tyler on the couch with Arabella. Karen and Heather had gone to bed. The game ended and Josh’s dad and brother went to bed. Arabella was sleeping in my arms.
“Honey, you’re going to have to sleep on the couch tonight. Cassie’s sleeping in our bed.”
“What’s wrong with her?” Josh asked me.
“It’s not anything I can tell you, at least, not yet.” I said, slowly stroking Bella’s hair. I look over at Josh.
“We leave the day after tomorrow anyways for my tour.” Josh smiled.
“I’m so happy you’re not doing an extravaganza like we would be doing.” he said.
“I’m happy that you’re going to be my opening act. I need someone like you to launch me into fame.” I said.
“Oh ha ha. Look who’s so funny now.” he looked over at me and Bella.
“I feel so lucky to have the two of you in my life. I love you. I appreciate what you have been through for us, for me. You carried our daughter for nine months and gave her life. I’m forever in your debt.” he said.
“I love you too, Josh. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t change a thing. Especially you. I love you.”
Sixty-Five by Dawn Dustings
Josh’s family left the next afternoon. I had stayed home and packed while he took them to the airport. He returned home and helped me pack.
“Are you going to be able to keep working while we’re on the road?” I asked him.
“Oh yeah. All I have to do is a few more marketing things with it.” he said.
“Are you ever going to tell me what you’re calling it?” I asked him.
“Maybe.” he said. I threw a sock at him. It bounced off his head and landed on the floor. On the baby monitor, there was a cry. We stopped laughing and listened. I looked at the clock.
“She’s got some time before her snack. We better finish packing.” I said as I finished packing my suitcase. I went to get Arabella and give her mid-afternoon snack. She looked up at me with her beautiful blue eyes. She reached up and pulled my hair really hard.
“Ow! That hurt Bella!” I said. She smiled from below the bottle.
“I bet you don’t do that to Daddy.” I said to her. Her grin got bigger.
“Do what?” Josh asked, poking his head into the room.
“Pull handfuls of hair out. If she keeps this up, I’ll be bald within the next year.” I said. Josh chuckled.
“Well, you’d still be beautiful.” he said. I threw him a look. He ducked out of the room. When Bella finished her snack, I packed up her essentials and got her ready to leave the next morning.
We left early the next morning. Mom was taking care of Amanda for us. After lunch, I stretched out on my bunk. Josh stretched out on his with Arabella. The next thing I knew, it was dark out. Josh was sleeping on his bunk with Bella in his arms. I smiled and settled myself in to watch a movie in the back of the bus. After a while, Josh had gotten up and joined me.
“Your hair is getting long.” I said, looking at him.
“You don’t like it, do you?” he asked me.
“I think it makes you sexier. I like it.” I say.
“Really?”
“Oooh baby yes!” I said in my sexiest voice. Josh shakes his head.
“I’m hungry.” I say.
“Well, what do you want?” he asks me.
“Ice cream.” I say.
“For dinner?”
“Yep.” I say. Josh gets up and talks to the driver. We stop at a Dairy Queen. He gets a chicken strip basket and I get a banana split. I take a small little spoonful and give some to Arabella. She mashes it in her mouth, her face screwed up in whether she likes it or not. Josh took a picture of her. She eventually spits it back out. She got restless and we took her to the adaptable crib we had brought for her. Once she was asleep, Josh and I went to the back to enjoy some quality time together.
Sixty-Six by Dawn Dustings
Josh and I reached the first venue. I went through the sound checks and things. I had a few hours before we had to get ready for the concert, so I went shopping at a nearby mall. I bought Arabella some squishy toy I knew she would like chewing on. I also got her some other things, mostly teething things. Josh was going to get a few toys of his own, as well as some more books and some DVDs. I got my mother a gift certificate to her favorite store. I was going to send Tyler and Heather signed copies of Baby Blues. I got Karen and Roy some gift certificates to some national chain stores. I figured that was enough for the day and headed back. I wrapped Josh’s gifts and hid them in my suitcase and went off to makeup and wardrobe. Josh was already there. He was going to be my opening act tonight. I was a bit nervous, but knowing that Josh was there for me helped calm my nerves.
Josh sung beautifully. He sang songs from the album that he had been working on. He’s been so secretive about it, I only knew the one song he played for me that one day. When he came off, I went on. He hugged me and wished me luck on my out. I went out there and sang my best songs for about an hour. My encore was having Josh come back out on stage and we sang “Love” together. It seemed to be my biggest hit yet. The crowd went wild when he came back on stage. They knew which song was coming up next.
When the show was over, we headed back to the hotel and slept. We went back on the road the next day and the first few days went by so uneventful, it was completely boring. We were starting to wean Arabella off of the formula and onto ‘adult’ food. She became very cranky, and on that small bus, her mood quickly rubbed off on Josh and myself. One time we went out for Chinese food, and she cried the whole time we were out. She couldn’t be comforted. I took her temperature but she was normal.
“I think she’s starting to teethe.” I tell Josh.
“How long does it last?”
“Way too long.” I said, handing her some crackers to chew on. Finally somewhat satisfied, she chewed on her fingers and the crackers. We were very happy when she finally started to show signs of sleepiness. We rocked her to sleep and fell into the same bed together. The moment our heads hit the pillow, we were wide awake. We wrapped ourselves in each other’s arms and talked for a long time before we drifted off to sleep.
Sixty-Seven by Dawn Dustings
As my short tour started to wind down, we headed towards D.C., where we would have a concert and then have a day off and have an early Christmas with Josh’s family. We got there about nine p.m. and stayed at his parent’s house. The next night was my concert, and Josh’s family was going to be there, in the front row. They were so excited that they would finally get to see me perform, it rubbed off on both Josh and me. We had the best concert so far because we gave his family the best of ourselves.
The next day was our Christmas together. His parents showered toys on Arabella. They gave Josh gift certificates and a book of blank staff paper so he could write more music. They gave me a book of blank staff paper and a roll out keyboard that I could use to think on. I don’t know why they gave me that bizarre gift, but I guess it’s the thought that counts. Tyler gave me a journal to write my songs in. I guess he’d been talking to Josh. Only Josh knew how much I write. Heather gave me a gift certificate to my favorite store.
They loved the gifts I got for them. We all started laughing when Tyler opened up his gift from Josh and it was this huge bra. It must have been some inside brother joke, but it was still funny for all of us.
We arrived home a few days before Christmas. On Christmas, we had invited everyone over to our house and we exchanged gifts, but Lance declined. I think he was going home for Christmas. I got mostly gift certificates, although Josh got me this one necklace that had a heart shaped stone pendant. It was beautiful. I leaned over to him and kissed him.
“I take it you liked it?” he asked.
“Oh yes. Thank you.” I said.
When finally everyone started to leave, Josh and I had a nice dinner and then let Arabella play with the boxes from all her new toys. When her bedtime came, she was so tired she fell right asleep. I headed into our bedroom and got the gifts from underneath the bed and headed downstairs. Josh was sitting on the couch, listening to some music, and on the end table next to him was a bottle of my favorite non-alcoholic sparkling grape juice and two champagne glasses. I sat down next to him.
“Merry Christmas baby. I saved these for when we were alone.” I said, handing him the presents. He opened the first one to find a piece of lingerie.
“For me? You shouldn’t have. I don’t know if it’s my size.” he said.
“I married a dork.” I said, laughing. Josh finally lost it and laughed with me. He put the gift down and opened the other ones. When he finished, he started laughing again.
“What?” I asked him, taking a sip of my drink. Josh got up and headed in the direction of the hall closet. He came back with a box.
“I saved this for when we were alone.” he said. I opened it up. Inside was the most gorgeous formal gown I have ever laid my eyes upon.
“What’s this for?” I asked him.
“We were invited to the biggest party on New Year’s Eve.” he said. I looked up at him.
“No way.”
“Oh yes way. I thought you would like a night out, just the two of us, not even a thought about Arabella.”
“Oh Josh, you know just what I need. I love you!” I said, leaning in to kiss him.
“Or you could wear it to bed tonight.” Josh said suggestively.
Sixty-Eight by Dawn Dustings
“Mom’s happy to take Bella for New Year’s Eve.” I told Josh a few days later. Josh nodded while he talked into his phone. Arabella looked up at me from her playpen and smiled. Her one tooth shone in the light. It had just cut loose the day before. I couldn’t believe how big she was getting. At eight months old, she looked nothing like the newborn I had birthed in April. It was amazing to think of how much one year could change your life. The doorbell rang, interrupting my thoughts. I went and answered it to find Cassie and Lance standing there.
“Where were you on Christmas? I didn’t see either one of you!” I said, letting them in.
“I went home, and I brought Cassie with me.” Lance said.
“Is Jc home?” Cassie asked me.
“Yeah, but he’s on the phone, something to do about his album. He won’t even tell me what he titled it. Do you know, Lance?” I asked. Lance shook his head no.
“We just stopped by to tell you what’s been going on. I told him what happened.” Cassie started.
“Well, that’s good.” I said, getting comfortable in the chair across from them.
“Also, It must be some miracle, and it probably sounds horrible to say that, but I lost the baby. I’m so grateful for that. I can’t imagine bringing another baby into this world like I did the last time.” she said.
“Well, I don’t know if I should be happy for you, or sad that the baby doesn’t get a chance to live.” I said. I got up and went over and hugged Cassie. I started to laugh while I was hugging her.
“What?” she asked me. I broke the embrace and sat back down in my chair.
“Well, how do you feel about your son, if you don’t mind my asking?”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because I know he got a good home and is growing up comfortably.” I said.
“How do you know that?” Lance asked.
“Aw, come on. Lance, you didn’t pick up on it? I thought you could pick up on these types of things.” I said, joking. I dug out a picture of Ethan and handed it to Lance.
“Oh. My. God.” He muttered. He handed the picture to Cassie. She looked at it. Her eyes got wide.
“How did you get this picture?” she asked, recognizing Ethan.
“I took it. That’s Ethan Beam, Arabella’s adopted cousin.” I said. The picture was of Ethan and Bella next to each other on the couch, taken a few months ago. Cassie looked up at me.
“You mean?” she started.
“Yes. My brother is the one that adopted your son. Kind of ironic isn’t it? I mean, he’s the one that delivered him, and now he adopted him.” I said.
Just then, Josh came wandering in.
“What Up? “ he asked us.
“Do you know who your adopted nephew is?” Cassie asked him.
“Yeah. They named him Ethan.” he said. I pushed him.
“You do too know who he is.” I said. Josh looked at me.
“Oh you mean the part where he’s your biological son and Jack was the one that was there and delivered him and then adopted him?” he asked.
“Hon, you are such a dork.” I said.
“Well, it takes one to know one.” he retorted.
“What was that all about?” I asked him.
“Well, we finally have agreed on a release date for my album, that’s all. They drive me nuts sometimes.” he said.
“I know the feeling. So when is the big day?” I asked.
“Late February, apparently.” Josh said.
Cassie and Lance stayed for a little while, and we talked about a lot of things. I was happy to find out that Cassie was going to the big party as Lance’s date. It meant I would have someone to hang out with and have fun if I got tired of dancing.
Sixty-Nine by Dawn Dustings
Josh took me out to dinner before we went to the party. As soon as we arrived, we bumped into Lance and Cassie. For some reason, Lance looked nervous. Cassie looked absolutely stunning in her mid-calf midnight blue dress. She looked elated, but also a bit awestruck. I don’t think she was completely comfortable being with all these well known people just yet. Josh and I chatted with them for a few minutes, then went to mingle a bit more.
“Do you want to dance?” he asked me a little while later, near the end of a fast song.
“Yeah, sure.” I said. Josh lead me to a spot on the dance floor just as “Love” came on. I started to laugh.
“You have impeccable timing, Mr. Chasez. I love you.” I said, looking into his deep, beautiful, serious blue eyes.
“I love you too, Mrs. Chasez.” he said, leaning down to place a kiss on my lips. I deepened the kiss, and we put so much feeling into it that we almost ended up sitting on the floor.
“Wow.” I said when we came up for air. Josh slowly opened his eyes and looked into mine.
“I’ll love you for all time. It gets stronger with each passing day.” he whispers to me.
“You are my breath of life, my very soul. I love you.” Josh smiled and kissed my nose.
“Love” ended and a fast song came on. Josh and I didn’t care. We danced like we were the only two people in the universe, dancing to a rhythm that only the two of us could feel.
“I have something to tell you.” Josh said at one point, looking into my eyes.
“What?”
“Do you want to know what I titled my album?”
“You know I do. What is it?”
“I decided to call it Melodies.” He said, watching my reaction.
“Really? You named it after me? You shouldn’t have!”
Josh smiled.
“I love you, and you were the inspiration to me to make it, so I felt it should be called Melodies.”
I reached up and placed a kiss on his lips. He reached for more, and we shared a very special moment together.
When the one minute countdown started, I was surprised at how fast the evening was flying. It had only felt like an hour or two had gone by.
At midnight, Josh and I kissed, bringing in the New Year full of new hopes and dreams.
“Happy New Year, my dear sweet Melody.” Josh said.
“Happy New Year, Josh. I love you.” I said back.
We were dancing when Cassie found us and ran up to us.
“You’ll never believe it!” she squealed.
“What?” I asked her. She held up her left hand. On her ring finger was a solitaire on a thin gold band.
“Lance proposed to me! Oh Melody! I can’t believe it! I’m engaged!” She said as Lance found us. He looked a bit sheepish.
“Well, well. We should have known something was up with you. You were acting nervous earlier.” I said.
“Yeah man. Why didn’t you tell us you were going to pop the question?” Josh added.
“You didn’t tell us.” Lance pointed out.
“So what? As you once said, it was obvious from the beginning how I feel for Mel.”
“Uh, Josh? Lance? Do we have to go into this now?” I asked.
“No.” they both answered back.
Josh and I stayed a bit longer and then headed home. I was so tired I could barely get out of my dress before I hit the bed and fell asleep. I don’t think I even took my shoes off.
My hand was shaking as I put my earrings in. I was having trouble believing the news I had just received a short while a go over the phone.
“Melody! Let’s go!” Josh called up to me. We were ready to leave for the release party for Melodies. Josh and I had decided to bring Arabella with us. As I headed down the stairs, my mind wandered back to when I first met Josh. He had bumped into me in the pet store almost two years ago. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to have met him. The past two years have been the best of my life. The love that Josh and I have developed for each other grows and gets stronger everyday. The biggest evidence of our love for each other was Arabella. It won’t be long before she’s walking. She’s already pulling herself up with the aid of anything around her, and lately she’s been inching her way around her crib rail.
We arrive at the party, and for many of our professional friends, it’s their first time meeting Arabella. Josh and I keep close to her, but let her be passed around from one friend to another. When Lance had taken her, Josh and I took a breather. The DJ starts “Love” and Lance brings her back to us and went off to find Cassie.
“I still can’t believe the two of them are engaged.” I said. Josh nodded in agreement. Cassie and Lance had decided to get married in the fall, date still unknown. I put Bella down between us and let her bounce on her feet. I sat there and watched her. Bella had a very good rhythm, she could bounce to the beat. When the song changed, Bella kept up with the beat.
“Josh, watch Bella. She’s bouncing to the beat.” I said. Josh watched her for a minute.
“She’s so beautiful.” he said. I nodded. I was gathering up my courage to tell him what I knew I needed to. Britney came by.
“Melody. I think you did a great job on your last album. I love the video you made to your last single.” she said.
I thanked her and we chatted for a few minutes before I excused myself to go to the restroom. I stood in the mirror and gave myself a pep talk.
When I came back out, Josh and Bella were over at the food table. I started to head towards them, and I saw Cassie and Lance making out on the dance floor. I chuckled to myself, thinking of what an odd pair they were. I turned and headed back to the table where I knew Josh was going to return to. I thought back to when I first started out in this business. I thought of everything that had happened since then. I didn’t realize it then, but the title of my first album really summed up my entire life.
Each person’s life is like a music score, and you’re only the conductor of your own score. Everyone you meet and interact with in your life are the true composers of the music. They place the notes where they either are harmonic or dissonant. But in the end, not one note is more important than the others. They all work together to make the music of life whole. Life is one big melody.
Josh sat down next to me and fed Arabella, interrupting my train of thoughts. I knew I had to tell him. He’s my conductor’s wand. I couldn’t conduct my life’s music without him.
“Honey?” I say softly.
“Hmm? What?” he said, turning his attention off of Arabella and onto me. I smile, thinking of how beautiful she is. I know that what I have to say is going to place a new note in all of our scores. I take a deep breath and look into Josh’s piecing blue eyes.
“I’m pregnant.”
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