"ARABELLA!!"

I roll my eyes. I couldn't escape my mother for a moment without her freaking out. She was worried that I would do something to embarrass the family. I had two glasses of wine, I didn't drink the whole damn bottle. I wanted to leave this damn engagement party. I didn't want to be here. Sad thing was this was my engagement party. I was the one supposed to be happily engaged. I was no way near happy. If I had enough nerve I would walk away from everything. I would walk away from this bloodline and never look back.

I should be happy. I had graduated from Medical School. The grueling rotations at the hospital have started but it was part of the job. Patients are something I have deal with, not something I want to deal with. I didn't have that doctor gene that they all seemed to have. I haven't found the ‘love' for this job as I thought I would. Who wouldn't want to be a doctor? Isn't that the American dream? I didn't have a worry about anything. I walked out of Med School with not a single student loan to pay back, life was going to be easy. I had the brains and the knowledge of a doctor, it just wasn't the things I thought I was supposed to do for the next forty years or my life. The few things I did want in life, were out of the question.

My mother appears from crowd again. "Arabella, it's rude to keep your guests waiting. Get out there and mingle with them. Show some respect."

Respect. I shake my head. Not one person in this room shows respect for anyone.

Thirty one days earlier....

My father was being honored at this Medical Conference in Los Angeles, CA and he asked me to join him to ‘test the waters' as he says. Get my name out there and get in good with these people. It could make me a very wealthy woman in the future. Instead of arguing with my father I agreed to go.

We stepped off the private jet on the runway at LAX and the warm air that hits my face is something I haven't felt in quite some time. Spring in NY is nothing like the spring time in California. I think I belonged in the warm weather. Without my parent's permission I had actually had interests in doing my residency in California. But they must have had some word in it because not one single hospital called. I was far from a bad student, I was the typical A student who would be embarrassed by anything by an A. It would be against everything right in the world if I had actually got a job offer to some place other than that throne of a hospital my father is the chief of surgery at, I didn't want to follow the exact path that everyone else has already done.

"Good morning, Dr. Kinsey. It's nice to see you again." The gentleman standing next to the limo dressed in a dark navy blue suit says.

"Not a good morning, Mr. Harrington. Not a good morning." My father snapped at the limo driver.

My face turns red from embarrassment as my father waits for his door to be opened for him. He climbs in the limo and I look at the driver and whisper, "I'm sorry." He smiles at me and I climbed in the back seat with my father.

One thing that really bothered me about my father was his arrogance. He was the most conceded person I had ever known. Everything revolves around him and his life. If he doesn't want to do something, no one gets to do it. I dreaded the idea of family vacations. Who wants to be in an unknown place and be stuck in a house with those people? At least at home I had the option to make an excuse that I needed to study, or work to get away from my family. My oldest sibling, Charlotte was just like him. And when you put the two of them in a room together, it's a nightmare waiting to happen. I was happy when she took the job in Miami and has been there for the last three years.  I get to see her on holidays and that was it. My older brother, Lamar is more like my mother. He liked to nag but he knew that there was a time and place for it. Lamar is in his last year of year of residency and is most likely going to take a job in Massachusetts at the end of the summer.

Like me, they both had arranged marriages. It had nothing to do with religion why they chose this for their children. It was all about the Bloodline. As children of doctors, you are supposed to marry doctors but not just any doctors. They had to have the right Bloodline as well. One month before graduation you are to be engaged to someone of your respective parents choice and one month after you're officially a doctor you are to be married.

I knew that this part of my life was coming up faster than I ever wanted it to. I contemplated actually failing a class this semester to prevent a wedding from happening, but I couldn't handle the pressure of failing a test let alone an entire semester of a class. I recently found out who I was going to marry. I had grown up with him around all the time. Our families had always done things together. Never did I think that would be the person I would end up marring one day. I couldn't stand him was putting it mildly. He was a twin of my father. The idea of that makes my skin crawl. I threw a tantrum the night I found out. I didn't want to marry someone I didn't love. I didn't want to marry someone at all. I didn't have a normal upbringing. I never got to spend time with too many people to really get to know them.

I wasn't allowed to date as a teenager or a young adult and I was surely not allowed to date throughout college. My father said I needed to focus on the important things in life while my mother said it was because I would fall in love with someone and ruin the plans that are already set for my life. She was right, I did fall in love with someone while in med school but he broke my heart and no one ever needed to know about that relationship. Too many secrets to keep track of will catch up with you. I learned that the hard way with that relationship.

"Dr. Kinsey, your suites are ready for you. Please follow me this way." I walked behind my father as we are taken up to our rooms.  "The luncheon is at noon and they are expecting you to be there for a small rehearsal. Is that time ok for you?"

He looks down at his watch, which probably cost twice the salary than that man makes in a year shuttling arrogant people like my father around. "Noon is fine."

Noon, I thought. Damn it. It's already after eleven. I was going to have to hurry and change my clothes. I wouldn't want to look like... this around a ton of people.  "Twenty minutes Arabella. Not a minute more. We have to be prompt and on time."

"Yes, father. I will be ready to go." I said as I ran down the hall to my room. I slide the little plastic card through the swipey thing and push the door open. My room didn't look anything like my fathers. Simple. I liked it. I saw no purpose in spending two thousand dollars a night to stay in a hotel room that was big enough for thirty people to stay in. Seriously it was a waste of money.

I flipped my head over the bathroom floor, using the blow dryer to give it a small amount of volume. There wasn't much I could do in such a short time but this was going to make me at least look presentable. I slipped on ruffled pencil skirt and a simple tank top and walked back to my father's room. I was ready.

He gives me one look and says, "You're not wearing that to lunch. Go change."

"Dad, I have the blazer that goes over it right here. It's just warm up here. It will be fine. Let's go."

Rolling his eyes at me he realizes he doesn't really have a lot of time to argue with me we take the elevator down to the lobby and our limo awaits us again. Climbing in I think, this is such a waist of an automobile. Who really needs this much room when it's the two of us?

The room the dinner and event was taking place is was still being set up as we walk in and take our seats. I'm stuck at a table by myself. Not even with my father. THANK YOU GOD. I thought to myself, waiting to throw my hands up in the air to praise him.

"This is where everyone will be seating for tomorrows event. If there are any major issues, please let me know." The speaker at the podium starts.

My father clears his throat to speak. "I would like my daughter at my table."

NO NO NO! I wanted to scream. He looked back at me... "Dad, I'm fine right here. That table is full. Seriously this is fine."

The table I was at is empty. I was really okay with that. The speaker continues to talk about what is going to happen when four people slide into the luncheon late. My father was annoyed by them, it was written all over his body language. I glace over to see that it is a man, an older woman, an older man, and a larger man. I turned back to the stage to pay attention to what the speaker was saying but he was finished. He was saying that lunch was going to be served.

The gentleman sitting next to me smells pretty damn good. I wanted to tell him but I wasn't going to. He was pretty damn hot. I have always been a fan of facial hair. I think it's sexy as hell. I turn back to look down at the table quickly. I didn't want him to think I was checking him out, even though I was. Screw it I was going to introduce myself. What's the worst that can happen?

I turn to him and say, "Arabella Kinsey... It's nice to meet you."

"How do you pronounce that correctly...?" He laughed.

"Like the Air you breath then an a with the Bella!"

"Can I just call you Bella?"

"It doesn't bother me. Just don't say that around my father. He thinks when someone shortens their name it is disgrace against their bloodline."

"Ohh." He says.

"What is your name?" I asked.

"Justin." He says sarcastically.

"Why do you say it like that? Like I should have none the answer without asking?" I had no clue who he was, how would I know who he was?

"I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that. I'm the guest speaker today and well I just thought with my job you would have known." He smiles showing off his beautiful smile, "Justin Timberlake, the pleasures all mine." He winks at me.

He was flirting with me... "Timberlake... like tree falling in the lake is much better than my name. Can I call you Lake?" I laughed.

"You can call me whatever you want!"

                He was flirting with me.

                I got the look from my father that I needed to not be so social, so I sat there for a couple moments before Justin stands and address that he is leaving. "I guess I will see you tomorrow at the dinner then, Air-a bella!" he says making light of my name again.

"I will be here with bells on!"

He laughs as he walks away with the same three people that were at the table with him. "I expect those bells, Bella."

Fluttering in my stomach has become apparent. I was almost giddy to have met a new person. He was sweet and kind. He has that smooth voice that could convince you to do anything. He was persuasive and endearing. School and my family didn't allot for personal time. If I wasn't in a library with a book in my face I was doing something family related, it annoyed me that I really couldn't be me but the moment I met him I was me again. That part of me doesn't get to shine through often but I had it, even if it was just for a moment.

Alone in this hotel room I'm annoyed, I'm always alone. I had brought my study material for finals, hoping to get some studying done during the downtime I would have here. The air must not be working at all because the temperature seems to get higher and not lower. I strip off some layers, leaving boy shorts and a tank on. My father wouldn't approve but he wouldn't be seeing me this late, so it wouldn't matter.

Removing my glasses that were resting on the bridge of my nose, placing them on the bed I begin concentrating on a scratchpad that lays on top of my study guides, slowly gracing the lines, shadowing the perfect arch, detailing every curve of the structure. Just something to add to my pile of ‘never going to happen', I thought to myself.  That pile seems to get higher and higher with no result.

It seemed pointless to have dreams or aspirations because they meant nothing in my family. I was born into this bloodline so therefore I should never complain about the great things that happen to me. I should never think twice about the choices that have already been made for me. I can only remember a handful of times I have ever truly been happy and none of them involved my family.  Why was it so easy for my sister and brother to be perfectly content with the life my parents have chosen for them and why a dreaded day to day battle with me? Another battle that I will never win, another thing I had no control over and another thing I need to just learn to deal with.

Knock... Knock...

There was a knock at the door. I look over at the clock on the wall. It was after eleven, who on earth could that be? I climbed out of the bed and walked over to the door.

Knock... Knock... The knocking gets harder.

"Trace...let me in... I forgot my key card. I'm lock out of my room... I gotta go to the bathroom..." I heard a man yelling from outside the door.

I step up on my toes and look through the peep hole. I slowly focus in who is standing right outside my door. I jump down quickly as if he could see me. It was him. It was ‘Mr. Lake' from earlier. I stand slowly looking back through the hole.

"Come on Trace, I know you're not sleeping. Open the damn door."

I slowly turn the handle, allowing for the door to open slowly. But the door gets pushed open fast and he steps inside. "Thank god Trace, what fucking took yo-" He stops dead in his tracks. "Bella?"

"Lake." I said back to him.

"What are you doing in Trace's room? How do you know Trace?" he says with disappointment in his voice.

"This is my room." With my pointer finger I press into my chest area. "Who is Trace?"

He zeros in on my chest slowly lowering his eyes to my nearly naked lower half. He shakes his head trying not to think about his hands all over my body. "This is Trace's room." he opens the door to look at the number on the door again. "He told me he was in room 1122."

"Sorry. This is my room. Would you like to use my bathroom though, it's free?"

"Thank you." He says as he kisses me on the check and runs into the bathroom.

-He just kissed me. Yeah sure, it was on the cheek but he just did that. My cheeks are flushed and a shade of pink we he steps back into the room.

"I'm sorry I busted in here like this." He says as he places the towel in the basket for room service. "I swear he told me this was his room. He must be on the other side." He rolled his eyes, "Typical for Trace to be wrong."

I didn't know what to say. I had never seen someone so handsome in my entire life. His eyes were so blue. His smile was so beautiful and genuine. The scruff on his face made him sexy as hell.

"Bella, are you here alone?"

How can a man in a simple pair of jeans and a T-shirt that says Rast on the front, leaning in the doorway of my bathroom look so unbelievably sexy? He is simply leaning in the doorway oozing sex.

I stood in awe. I stood in silence. I had no idea what to say to him.

"Ok... I can see you are not up for visitors. I will leave."

"NO." I snapped. "Sorry, I ... I... I'm not used to having a..." I looked at him up and down, "a man as sexy as you standing in my hotel room."

He steps closer, I can smell his scent. It fit him well. "You think I'm sexy?"

Fuck. I did say that out loud. "You know you're sexy. Otherwise you wouldn't have the confidence you do."

He walks slowly closer to me. "Hearing your sexy from someone that looks like you..." his breathe was on my neck now. He whispers, "Makes me believe it just a little more..." He steps back quickly.

Breathe stupid, breathe. "So who is this Trace, your boyfriend?"

"You're funny Bells, really funny."

"I'm Bells now?" I questioned.

"I'm trying to figure out what I like better."

"I still like, Lake. It suits you."

"Oh really, and how would you know that?" he asks, having a seat at the table in my room.

My hotel room.

"I sense that you dislike it, which makes it even better!"

"Oh so I have a sassy one on my hands do I?" He lounges down in his chair. "I like the sassy part of you. Not so innocent."

I laugh and walk to the kitchen area and hop up on the counter. I didn't want to sit at the table across from him. Too personal. "What makes you think I'm not innocent? I could be the reining virgin?" He was to comfortable sitting that chair. He sits there in the perfect position for me to climb right on top of him...

"Well first of all, the way you're looking at me right at this moment, I know you are having dirty thoughts run through your mind." He raises his eyebrows, then winks at me. "Second... you hoped up on that counter as if you have done that many times before... Third, you are comfortable in your panties with me sitting right here. Therefore you are used to wearing less than that around a ‘hot' man." Throwing up quoting motions when he says hot.

Fuck. I was in my panties. I had forgotten about it completely. "Caught. What can I say, I like randomness. I have been on a counter or two in my life."

"Damn girl." he says shaking his head before standing to adjust himself from showing the excitement he has going on. "You can't say things like that."

"Ok then..."  I started to tap the counter with the palm of my hand, "The trusty counter has never disappointed me before. Anytime I have ever needed it, it's been there for-" He cut me off by slamming his face against mine. Lips to lips.  I felt his long thick eyelashes grazing against mine. Slightly curving his face to make perfect access to my mouth, his tongue started to work a slow circular motion around mine, he deepens the kiss. His hands ever so slightly grab a hold of my ass and pushing me closer to the edge of the counter, never parting his lips with mine. His lips felt like fireworks on the Fourth of July. When he nips at my bottom lip my eyes finally flutter open to see a huge smile on his face.

"I normally don't randomly show up in a gorgeous women's hotel room and try to take advantage."

"Who said you were taking advantage? Maybe I was the one taking advantage of you."

He closes his eyes, exhales deeply. "I... I have to go.  If not... I... just don't know if I will be able to stop myself and the last thing I want is to be that person..." Before I knew it, and wanted it, he was standing at the door. "I'm in room 1120, just so you know. I will see you tomorrow."

And he was gone.

What the fuck.

I knew that being a slightly half engaged woman I shouldn't have just done that. I shouldn't have just kissed that man so passionately, and I should have been completely turned on by him but it's not like I was actually engaged, and it wasn't like I actually had feelings for Gavin.

I couldn't sleep. My heart stayed at a steady pace just thinking about him... the kiss... the way it felt... the way it made me feel. That was the kind of passion I wanted in a future husband. That's how I wanted to kiss my other half for the next fifty years.

Trying not to think about the life I was about to embark on I get out of bed and shower. Get ready for the day ahead. My father had arranged for me to meet a few hospitals here in L.A. and see how I liked it. Honestly if it got me four thousand miles away from my family for ninety eight percent of the year, I would take the job in a heartbeat. But my father had no interest in me actually taking a position here; he just wanted to get the ‘Kinsey' name out there.

I step into the hallway to head down towards the penthouse suites when he steps out of his room, stepping in front of me. "Hi. Good morning." he says. "Sorry I totally cut you off there. Looks like you were on a mission."

"My father." I rolled my eyes. "If I am late, I will have to hear about it the rest of the trip."

"Wow. He is that strict?"

"That's putting it mildly."

"Well have a great day Bells, I will see you at Dinner tonight. Are you going to be my date?"

"Sure just don't tell my father." I turn to walk away.

"Got it! That means dessert with me after!"

What did he mean by that?  Was he talking about ice cream on Ventura Blvd or was he talking about taking me back to his room and taking advantage of the innocent woman he thought I was?

"Sounds great!" I was gluten for punishment. "What are your wonderful plans for the day?"

"Work." He said without hesitation.

"Do you ever take a day off?"

"If I took a day off it would cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars." He said serious.

"Well then I guess you should get your booty going. You got money to make."

He turns to start to walk away. "You like my booty don't you?"

"Don't flatter yourself Lake. Mine is still better." I turn to walk faster down the hallway.

"You are right once again Bells..."

I had the biggest smile on my face that I couldn't get rid of. I knew that my father would ask questions that I didn't want to have to explain it to him. I put on my Kinsey face and knocked on his suite door. The day had begun and the joy of spending the day with my father has begun.

When the time finally came to go back to the hotel to get ready for dinner I was relieved. I would spend at least an hour without him and I would spend the next three hours at dinner without him. I was going to be very happy.

I placed the hot rollers in my hair and began to do my makeup. I hated the drawn out process that is getting ready but I couldn't imagine walking into public looking the way I do. I finished the makeup, slipped on the deep shade of purple dress that my mother helped me pick out. I was glad she didn't see it on me because she would never approve of how much cleavage was showing. I placed a black blazer over the dress and slip on a pair of beautiful new heels I bought special for this night. Just as I walked out the door I removed the rollers and the different shades on the strands of my hair looked amazing when the curls flow free. It was always an endless fight with my parents when I had my hair colored. It was a disgrace to them but for me it was boredom. I didn't want to look the same all the time. After all I wear that damn white coat, day after day. I needed something to change it up a lot. Everything I did was a disgrace to them so I tend to not care anymore. I button the blazer and step into the limo. The less my father saw the better.

The dark room was lit by small chandeliers and candles that filled the room, they were beautiful. Every table had a perfect layout and had a way of making you focus on them. The blue flowers with the crisp white centerpieces made a statement. I sit alone at the table for what felt like forever. Justin was more than likely going to stroll in here right on time and I wouldn't even get to talk to him. The stage lights focus in on the podium.

He wasn't here. I felt stood up.

My table begins to fill up. The two gentlemen that were with him last night were sitting in their seats along with the woman but he was nowhere to be found.

Maybe I scared him off. Maybe this was supposed to be the way we were going to part ways. The host of the night begins to speak.

"Thank you all for coming today an honoring some of the best surgeons in the country. We are here today to honor individuals that have donated their time to causes and surgery's that have changed lives forever. Our first guest speak tonight is a guy that is very well known in the entertainment industry. He has taken the music world by storm for over fifteen years and he is only fresh off of his thirtieth birthday. He has countless honorable awards including Grammy's and an Emmy. This man has talent but his heart really lies with his foundation that he established for Shiner's Children's Hospital. Every year this man out does himself. He proves every day that no matter how much success or money you have, you can always lend a helping hand somewhere. Ladies and gentleman the incomparable, Justin Timberlake."

Lake? Shut the fuck up. He walked out on that stage in a classic black suit, white shirt and a dark midnight blue tie. Wow! He looked amazing. Breathe I kept reminding myself. He is hot but breathe.

"Ladies... and gentleman, it is an honor to be asked here tonight. ..." he begins to speak. But that is all I heard the entire time he spoke. I couldn't stop staring at him. I couldn't believe that this ‘incomparable' person was who was in my hotel room with me last night. I knew he was important somehow but I never thought he was this music superstar. I guess that's what I get for prepping to be a doctor for the last eight years.

The crowd claps as he walks off the stage. I felt so stupid. I didn't hear a word he said. My father looks annoyed that Justin was getting the recognition that he was getting. Moments later he was sitting next to me at our table. "You look stunning, Bells."

"Thank you." I said shyly.

He looks at my dress, "Dolce & Gabbana..." he looks down at my heels... "Mui Mui..." then looks back up at my clutch. "Mui Mui as well. I have to say you have great taste." He smiles, nodding his head.

"How in the world did you know the designers names?"

"I have my foot in the fashion world. I see a lot of designer's things before the public does."

"You're not helping the whole, Trace isn't my boyfriend concept right now..." I laughed.

He leans in closer; I can smell him again, whispering ever so slightly against my ear lobe. "Guess you'll have to take a chance with that one."

 I didn't say anything else to him for what felt like hours. I was flabbergasted by this person sitting next to me. I have been in the presence of a lot of people that are high profile, that are very important but I have never felt like this before. He was someone that was important to a lot of people around the world... not just in a town known as the Hamptons.

 As dinner was being served I finally spoke. "Great speech."

"Thanks." He bends in closer, "Is there something wrong? You don't seem like the same Bells I met last night. Did I push my limits and it's weird between us now?"

I take a large gulp of my wine. "I... I didn't know you were this... important person. I feel stupid now."

"I like that about you. I like that you didn't know me. I like that you were just who you were and who I am had no affect on how you acted around me."

I drum my fingernails off the table.

"So even though I'm this, mega important person you still to do dessert tonight, with me?"

"Yes, as long as you're ok with having dinner someone like me! Who the only reason she is here is because her father was being honored today... I'm a nobody in this room full of people."

"Oh honey, you are someone to me!" he paused for a moment connecting the dots. "Your father is Dr. Lamar Kinsey?"

"Ugh" I said. "Please tell you don't have some amazing story to tell me about him."

"No. that guy was an ass to me backstage. Sorry I should speak about him like that but he was an ass."

"I'm not surprised. You're not a Kinsey or someone for his daughter to marry. Which makes you a nobody to him."

"I could marry you..."

WHAT DID HE JUST SAY??? Chocking on the piece of lettuce I was eating I can't breathe.

"Sorry to make you chock there Bells but I was just kidding."

A deep man's voice interrupts us, "Her name is Arabella, not Bells." He was annoyed. That was something new.

I snapped my head back to see that it was my father, "Dad... is something wrong?"

"I was checking to make sure this gentleman was not harassing you." He says.

"No, dad everything is fine. He was just making a joke and I started laughing. No big deal."

"Arabella this is not an event for you to laugh and joke around at. This is a formal event. You have a purpose here and it's not to have laughs with this gentleman." I wanted to kick him in the face. I wanted to reach my foot up with the five inch heel and kick him right in the face. "Remember you are a Kinsey."

"Yes, I know." I said it and turned back around to stare at the wall.

"Arabella, look at me when I speak to you."

I turned back quickly, hissing "Dad, seriously don't embarrass me here in front of all these people."

"I think it's time we leave." He turned his back to me and was waiting for me to join him.

"Dad." I said sternly as he turned around to look at me with disbelief. "I have things to do here tonight, remember? I think I should stay here. I'm a Kinsey after all."

He didn't argue with me, "I will leave the car for you. It will take you back to the hotel when you are finished here."

"I can get a cab, take the car. I will be fine."

"Arabella, you are a Kinsey, you will not take a cab anywhere."

Justin pressed his lips together, holding them tight. He wanted to say something so bad. I was so glad at that moment he didn't but it was short lived because his voice started to escape from his vocal cords. "Dr. Kinsey, we have two town cars, she can have one of ours. We..." he pointed at the three people sitting at the table with us. "Are all going to the same hotel, she can have that one."

"That's very nice of you. Thank you." He turned back to me. "See you in the morning. Remember who you are Arabella."

                I roll my eyes at him. I didn't hate many people but I despised that man. I begin to shake my head and cover my face in embarrassment. He always had to be that person. He always had to make me feel like I was a child and needed to be reprimanded. The moment I see him walk out the front door and through the long hallway I climb out of my seat and I feel like the entire room is watching me now. I walk quickly out of the room and into the lounge.

                A soft piano melody is coming from the back corner. I didn't care who was here or what was going on I just needed something to drink. Something strong. "Can I get a Jack and Coke please?"

The blonde blue eyes bar tender responds, "Single Jack & Coke coming right now."

"Double. And keep them coming."

                He slides the glass in front of me, I begin to ramble through my bag to find my wallet. Fuck. My wallet was not in my clutch. I forgot to put the damn thing in there.

"I got it." I hear him say from behind me as I see a fifty placed in front of me on the bar.

I turned to see it was him, "I'll pay you back, I promise."

"Bells..." he asked sympathetically.

"Justin- I just need a moment." I exhaled deeply then inhaled. I raised my hand of the bartender, "Another please." I gulped another drink in one sip. I couldn't get my blood pressure to level out. I was furious. I wanted to scream. "I scored higher on my MCAT's then my sister and my brother... I scored higher than my mother and my father did when they took it decades ago... I will graduate at the top of my class... yet I'm still a disgrace in his eyes."

He sat there, calm and collected. Listening.

"I have done everything that he has ever wanted me to do..."

"Bells, he is never going to change. That's simply who he is." He was trying to consol me but I was furious. I couldn't believe I was dealing with this yet again.

"My mother is no better. She has been married to him for too long. He has changed every fiber of her being." After chugging yet another Jack and Coke, I asked him "Do you want to get out of here?"

"Bells, are you sure this is what you want to do?"

I leaned into him, whispering in his ear. I wanted him to feel the warmth of my breath on his neck. "I'm not asking you to take me back to your room and teach me a few things on the counter... I want that dessert you promised me..." I placed a light kiss on his cheek and stood up to leave.

His eyes curled underneath his eyelids and his chest started to tremble. "Let's go."

We stood at the valet waiting for his car as we began to be surrounded by people taking pictures of him. He pulled me in close to him, wrapping his arm around me to protect me from the masses of cameras in my face.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

Justin, who's the new women? She isn't the typical Hollywood starlet that you date.

How does your ex feel about you moving on? Do you think she will have another meltdown?

He opens the passenger side car door and allows for me to get in first. He shuts the door behind him on the other side and sighs.

I didn't realize that he was one of these celebrities. He was one of those people that they hounded to no end. The ones you hear people talking about at the coffee shop or in line at the grocery store. He was one of those people. It was something we had in common. My family was on the level that he was but I understood the constant scrutiny that he endured.

"I know this amazing place in West Hollywood..." He says with the biggest smile on his face. "I have been craving it for some time but I haven't had someone to take with me. Crumbs have the most delicious cupcakes."

"Yum. Cupcakes sound so good right now."

"Have you ever eaten at Crumbs?"

"Once in NYC but not here in L.A."

"One and the same."

"That's not always true."

He laughs, "So true."

Getting out of the car at the bakery was just as difficult as getting into the car was. His was constantly surrounded by people taking pictures. At the counter in the bakery we stand in look at the board.

"I stand here and look at the board and always end up with the same one." He laughs at himself.

"Well just order me the same thing. I need to use the restroom."

I glance at myself in the mirror. I makeup still looked pretty great, but my curls seem to have loosened up. I run my hands through my hair and freshen up what I could. This is as good as it's going to get. I thought.

I shed the blazer and placed it on the back of the chair. Straightening the back of my dress as I sit down I realize that he is staring at me. "What?" I said nervously.

"You are even more stunning than you were earlier."

"Thanks Mr. Timberlake." I said with a shy smile on my face.

"A. Don't call me that. I'm Justin. Not any of that Mr. Timberlake crap. B. Don't sit there pretending you are shy. You know you are sexy! And C. Enjoy your cupcake."

I at that very moment wanted to be next to him, I wanted to feel his lips on my again. I wanted to anything that had to do with him... and me... together. I bit into the most scrumptious red velvet cupcake I have ever had in my entire life. Looking down at that cupcake, I knew exactly what I wanted. "Can we get these to go?"

Slamming against the hotel door I feel his hands all over my body, exactly what I wanted.  His hands grazing the hem of my dress, rising it above my thighs. If there were anyone else in the hallways at that time he would have been exposing my panties to the world. His lips on mine, tongues dancing together... I fumble for the key out of my clutch. It was in there somewhere. I finally part our lips to swipe the card through the door. The door flies open as he pushes me in dropping everything I had in my hands to the floor. He slams the door behind him, shoving me against the door, removing that gorgeous three thousand dollar Dolce & Gabbana dress, and tossing it on the floor. Who needed that dress anyway?

I slowly release the buttons on his crisp white shirt and a drop it on the floor. I never parted our lips once as I continued to unbutton his trousers and watch as the slide to the floor. He steps back reaching around my back to slowly unclasp the two gold prongs that were keeping us from being one step closer. "I have been staring..." he runs his fingers over my chest and down my breasts, "at these beautiful breasts through that deep v-neck all night...." my nude color lace bra fell to the floor, "It's about time... I get to see them!" He pushes me onto the bed. Tracing the lines of my lace panties, I feel him slide them down off my legs. Climbing up slowly, kissing every inch of my body as he moves back up to my lips. "They were worth the wait." He says as he cups them into both of his hands. "How do you like it Arabella?" I wiggled out from underneath him, climbing on top of him.

"I like it better up here. I have control this way."

He smiled so big that I could see every perfectly white tooth in his mouth. I lowered my face on to his, capturing the very moment that he had his mouth open. I pinned his hands above his head and lowered myself onto him. He let out a gasp when I started to move my hips from the moment I jumped on. He wouldn't let me have control for very long. He had slight control issues himself. "My turn" he said with a smirk on his face.

We both collapsed on the bed on the opposite sides of the pillows. Justin jumps up quickly. "Ouch. What the hell?"  He pulls out books and notebooks from under the covers. "Real romantic Bells. Study guides of the human anatomy in bed with you."

"I had no intentions of sharing my bed with a man tonight. Sorry!" I grab the books and toss them onto the floor.

He starts to flip page by page in the notebooks, a single sheet of paper slides out of the stack, off the bed, and hits the floor. He climbs out of bed, exposing his bare behind. He bends over and picks it up looking at me with a confused face. "What is this Bells?"

I look over and see what paper he has in his hands. It wasn't a study guide. It was a sheet of paper out of my scratch pad. He sees that there are more, twenty or thirty more. One by one he flips through them. "Bella, these are amazing? Did you sketch these?"

I nod my head yes and I watch as he examined each one of them. "How long have you been sketching shoes like this?"

"All my life. I sketch them when I need to clear my mind. Sketching heels calms me down." I snatch the pile out of his hands. "They are nothing." I climbed out of the bed to put them away in my suitcase.

 Out of sight out of mind.

"Nothing? You have a talent and a passion for designer shoes. You should follow that dream. "I'm a Kinsey remember? I'm going to be a Doctor. That's my destiny."

Knock Knock.

"Arabella."

It was my father. It was four in the morning. What was he doing in the middle of the night awake. I know he heard me in here but did he hear Justin? I snap my head back and forth quickly. What the hell was I going to do. I had a man in my room. I had someone that wasn't going to be my fiancé in my room.

"Arabella, wake up."

I start to scramble. What do I do? "I really hate to ask you this but could you hide in the bathroom... I need to find out what he wants."

"Seriously?" he asks.

"Please, I will make it up to you."

"I can't even believe I'm going to do this..." he gathered up his pants and whatever items he could find quickly as he scrambles to the bathroom. "You owe me big time... big time."

"Fine. I will do whatever you want me to do. Just go." I hissed, pushing him into the bathroom.

I found the white terry cloth robe that was hanging on the bathroom door and put it on. I shake my hair, the last thing I needed was him seeing my "I just got fucked" hair. I close my eyes, take a deep breath and turn the knob.

"Arabella were you sleeping?"

"It's after four in the morning. What else would I be doing?"

"We have to go. There has been an emergency at the hospital. It can't wait until I get back so I have to get there as soon as I can. The flight leaves in two hours."

"I can't leave." Fuck. I had nothing to back that up. I had to think of something pretty quick. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay here. Forever. At least for a couple more days.

"Arabella I don't have time to play your games." He snapped back at me.

"I'm not playing games; I met some of the doctors at the Shiner's Childrens Hospital. They want me to come in and see them on Friday. This could be a big deal. I need to do it."

"Friday... Arabella that is a couple days from now."

"Yes, I know that. It would be pointless for me to fly home and fly back in a couple days. I will just stay here. I'm already off work at the hospital, finals are not until next week. I don't see the issue here. I can see some of the sites and study here."

"The issue is there is no one here with you." He glances around the room. Did he know there was a man in my bathroom?

Discourage him, I thought. "Last time I checked I was an adult. I can take care of myself." I can't believe I just said that to my father. And what I can't believe even more is the fact that he believes everything that I'm telling him. He was walking down the hallway... he was leaving, without me. I was going to stay here with his permission.

I have lied to my parents before. I had to. If I wanted to do anything that they didn't approve of I had to lie to them. The fact that there was a man in the bathroom of my hotel room right now would probably kill them. They still thought I was this innocent child. They thought I was going to be the virgin freaking Mary when I got married. Little did they know that I haven't been a virgin since I was in High School. I guess I was the rebel child. I was the one they could never get their hands around or maybe I was just normal and they couldn't handle that.

The door to the bathroom creeps open and I see the look on Justin's face. I immediately grab a hold of him and ask "Wanna to test out the counters?"

He smiles, "I deserve more than just the counters. I hid in the freaking bathroom for you."

"Lake... You have no idea how much I appreciate that. I will repay you... I promise."

Six hours later we are still lying in that bed, his wonderful large arms surrounding me, his scent overtaking my every breath. I reach over to the side table and I pick up the phone.

"Can I get coffee to room 1122 please?"

"Would you like breakfast as well?" the woman at the front desk asks. "We have a fruit salad this morning or two pancakes with eggs."

"Fruit is fine. Thanks."

I didn't want to move any further. I wanted to stay in this bed, in his arms for as long as I possibly could. He groans and nuzzles his face back into the curve of my neck. I felt the butterflies in my stomach start to move around. That flutter is something I haven't felt in quite some time.

"Room Service."

Crap I have to move now. I climb out of bed and wheel in the cart. Coffee must be something that Justin needs in the morning as well. From the moment the scent of coffee filled the room he was sitting up on the bed.

"You look tired?" I said as I handed him a cup of coffee.

He yawns, "I met this gorgeous woman a couple days ago and she has an appetite for sex that I haven't seen in a long time. So I'm a little worn out."

I climbed back up on the bed, crawling towards him. "So... morning sex is out of the question?" I place a playful kiss on his chest. Running my tongue up his neck and reaching his mouth. I could feel his entire body tremble.

 "We will have to call for room service again. The coffee won't be hot when were done." He sips on his coffee and places it on the stand next to the bed.

It was almost noon and we haven't even been outside of this room. I thought maybe he would just spend the day with me. See some of L.A., maybe catch a movie. Anything. But he jumps in the shower and says, "I gotta go I will call you later and we will get together, since you are not alone in this big bad city." He picks up my phone. Starts to put his number in the contacts, "If you get bored, call me you can stop by the studio."

I sit on the bed, disappointed. He can see it wrote all over my face. "Ok."

He fastens his jeans and says, "I already had studio time booked today. I have to finish this track today."

"I'm not saying anything I just forgot how important you are!" I said sarcastically as he pushes me to the bed standing over top of me.

"I should only be there a couple hours. Just some back vocals need finished and maybe a couple lines..."

                Once he was out the door I begin to freak out just a little. He was an amazing man. He was that southern gentleman that has manners and respects women. He was someone that every normal family would want for their daughter. Instead I got stuck with Gavin. The self proclaimed playboy. His family and my family may not know who he is but I do. I knew everything about him. More than I wanted to. We both knew our families were one and the same, we both knew that our lives weren't are own. He was out of control most of the time I would see him on campus. He was a year ahead of me in Med School . I wasn't innocent by any means but I knew when to party and when I had to study. I knew that if I fell in love and got my heartbroken how to deal with the depression and continue to keep my grades up. He never had the issue of a broken heart. He never dated anyone. He just simply ‘saw' a lot of women. At least that's what he called it.

I cringe at the idea of knowing what I know and still having to without a choice, marry him. Marrying him would be one of the worst things I would ever have to do in my entire life. My name would be Arabella Alexander... even worse my father doesn't want that I have to change it to Kinsey-Alexander.

I throw my head back against the headboard. I need to find a way out of this marriage. I need to find some kind of loop hole. I don't know what yet but I had to find something. As much as I loved my family for being my family I have seriously contemplated walking out on all of it. I didn't want to be a prodigy of this family and continue with this bloodline of nonsense.

I shower and head down to the lobby. I needed find a rental car. I was going to go shopping. I was after all a Kinsey. I might as well put their credit cards to good use. I stepped out into the warm Los Angeles sun and begin my adventure.

Shopping has always been a joy for me. It was something that I never got to do growing up. My mother would always take me to a warehouse which they had shut down for her and purchase clothes. My father. (Ugh just the thought of him.) He always thought that if we had to wait in line for something it wasn't worth his money. He believed that everyone should wait on him hand and foot.

I think that my mother had an affair when I was conceived because I thought nothing like a Kinsey.  I don't think I will ever have that gene.

                I walked the two blocks to the nearest car rental place in my gorgeous Christian Dior heels. Ouch heels were not the greatest choice today but whatever. I jumped in the convertible that I rented and dropped the top. I was in Cali I had to drive with the top down.

I walked into the beautiful white stone building and my attention went directly to the shoe section. Heaven.

There was a lot of chaos in the store. People were shifting around, always keeping an eye out on the door. It seemed like there was yet another ‘celebrity' around because the people with the cameras were standing right outside of the door. They were just simply waiting for that person to walk out of the store.

"Ma'am is there anything I can help you with?"  The very tall sales woman asks.

"I'm just looking."

"There's a brand new summer line out if you're interested in them. I see that you are wearing a pair from Dior's summer line already. You must have gotten those in Paris."

"My mother bought them for me while she and my father were in Paris last month."

"So can I ask you a question?"

"Sure..." I will admit I was a little nervous.

"Did you park out front?"

"Yes... " I begin to panic. "Is it in a tow away zone or something?"

"No... I'm just worried how you are going to get to your car with all the paparazzi out front."

"Oh they don't want my pictures. I will be fine." I said as I slide another pair of shoes into the ‘keep' pile.

She looked a little confused. "They are waiting for you. They want your pictures."

"That's ridiculous. I'm a nobody. What does it matter that they get my photo?"

"They claim that you are Justin Timberlake's new girlfriend."

"Shit." I said stunned.

"So I take it that you are his new girlfriend?"

"I ... I... No...Shit..." I repeated.

"Security is on its way now to help you out to your car, but it's going to be crazy. There are roughly thirty cameras out there."

"Why would they want my picture? I don't understand..."

"Ma'am... Justin is one of the highest profile celebrities in the world. When he has a new girlfriend, they want to know everything about him... and her."

Shit. Shit. Shit. "Please tell me this isn't happening to me right now."

                I wasn't going to be able to hide this from my parents. My father is going to have a field day with this. He is going to know that I spent time with Justin for certain now. There had to be a reason they were following me... he would figure it all out. I was screwed.

I showed up outside of a red brick building that looks like a hideaway and hope that I'm in the right spot.  I walk into the front door and there is a receptionist sitting behind an enormous desk. She isn't even paying attention to me at all as I stand there waiting for her to acknowledge me.

"Can I help you?" She said as she snapped her phone closed.

"I'm looking for..." I look at the text message he just sent me. "Studio 9A?"

"That's a closed studio ma'am. Is there something else I can help you with?" She had a serious attitude problem.

"No." I snapped back at her, time to be a Kinsey. "I need to find Studio 9A."

"I understood you the first time. But that is a closed studio. It's not open to the public."

"And I'm trying to tell you that... Lake... I mean Justin is waiting for me... never mind. I will just sit here and wait. He will come and get me."

I sat down in the seat across from her desk. I let the phone ring once... twice... six times... voicemail. Shit I sent a text real quick. Hoping he would see it.

In the lobby. They bitch at the front desk says I'm not allowed to see you.

I waited a couple minutes when I felt my phone vibrating against my leg in my jeans pocket.

"Justin..."

"What's going on?" he asked.

"I'm obviously nobody important and they won't let me past the front desk."

"I will be right there."

The line went dead and a moment later he appears out of the long dark hallway. "Hey babe." He says as he takes my hand and gives the receptionist a dirty glare. "She is the rudest receptionist I have ever seen this studio have. She thinks that everything is an inconvenience to her somehow."

There was as couple producers and an engineer in the room when we walking in. They all seemed to be focused on what they were doing to even notice that someone else has walked into the room. Everything seemed so technical. I always thought you walk into studio, you sing into a microphone and that's it. How hard can it be?

Justin slouches down in his chair as he attempts to listen to the track play in the background. Did I mention that he looks drop dead gorgeous in work mode? Ok maybe I didn't even have to mention that. He bobs his head back and forth to the beat, tapping his foot with the drum. The track stops and he spins around in his chair to look at me. "How was shopping, you said it was an adventure..." He turns back to the board to shut off the volume.

"Um yea... Adventure is putting it lightly. I was shopping at Fred Segal when a swarm of photographers wouldn't leave me alone."

He spins back around looking at me, his eyes were huge, "What?"

"The woman in the store said that they were following Justin Timberlake's girlfriend today... I didn't know what to do. I just got out of there as quick as I could."

"I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have to deal with that. I should have totally warned you. I just didn't think they would follow you..."

"Yea, me neither."

Rob, one of the producers, is all up in our conversation now. "So is this your new girl?"

He looks over at me... smiles then says, "I'm testing Bells out... see if she can make it in my forest."

My jaw dropped, I couldn't believe he just said that but I fired back quickly, turning towards Rob, "Lake over here... is just upset that I don't want his timber..."

The entire room for of people have stopped what they were doing. "Ohhh's" surrounded the room.

Knowing that I had buried him with the comeback he says, "Alright, alright... you win." He stands up and bows in front of me, "I bow to you my queen."

"That's how I like it." I wink at him.
Rob chimes in, "She is a feisty one... keep this one."

"I would but she doesn't want my timber. It will never work out."

When I saw the fist pounding and the man hugs going across the room I knew that it was only a matter of time before he would be done. I knew that I should be back at my hotel studying and prepping for my finals but I was in Los Angeles and I was with a very sexy man... I wasn't going to waste it.

We were alone, in an empty recording studio. What to do what to do. Justin places his laptop into the bag and throws it over his shoulders. "Are you ready?" he asks.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"I think I am in need of some bells..."

I laugh as I push him against the wall, taking his hands and pinning them behind my back, giving him access to grab my ass. My heels give me the height to have direct access to his lips. I slowly grazed my tongue on the outside of his bottom lip before I forcefully enter his mouth causing him to moan without a hesitation.

"Let's go to my place then we will go to dinner? How does that sound."

"Dessert before dinner... you know exactly how I like it." I joined my lips back to his.

"Bells..." pushing me off his lips. "I need to feed you first. I want to make sure you have the energy to keep up with me later..."

"If I remember correctly you were the one that needed the energy this morning."

He takes me back into his arms, nuzzling his nose against my neck, up my face, edging close to my face, my lips but never touching them. He snaps back and turns around to pick up his bag. "I guess you will have to wait and see if I have the energy." Tease. He was such a tease.

We arrive at his house which is completely being remodeled. The front of the house which looks like it used to be a small entry way is being opened up to a huge double door entry. The cream colored texture of the house is being transformed into a stone finish. "Sorry for the mess. I need to get some clothes and we can leave."

"This is why you are at a hotel?"

"Yes. I have been staying at my apartment in NYC while all this construction gets down but I needed to be in L.A for a little while so I just opted for a hotel. I don't have to clean up after myself there." He turns to give me a quick kiss on the lips, which of course turns into a long drawn out make out session. "Make yourself at home Bells, I will just be a couple minutes."

He shuffled through the house upstairs and down finding the things he needed. I began to wonder around the downstairs area. The long hallways had elegant and romantic archways. They look freshly painted. This must be one of the changes he was making. All the doors were open except one. I find myself wanting to go into the one room he obviously didn't want anyone in.

The last room on right that doesn't seem to get much attention. I turn the knob slowly, a hundred different thoughts run through my head. What could be in the room that he doesn't want anyone to see? A part of me wanted it to be an extravagant sex room or something to blow me away but when I opened the door all I see is shelves, rows and rows of shelves with all different size, color, and designs of awards on them.  Plaques on the walls, attached with his picture on most of them. I step close to examine the words scripted on them. Favorite Pop/Rock Album...Justin Timberlake... Justified... 2003. I glide down the wall, Video Music Award... 2007... Artists of the Year... Justin Timberlake. 2009 Emmy Awards Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy Series Mr. Justin Timberlake.

Wow, I thought to myself. He was not only an amazing guy, he is super talented. The photos in the frames of people he has met along the years. I chuckle at some of the strange choice of wardrobe he had chosen to wear and the platinum blonde of the hair he used to have. He has gotten better looking over the years, I thought to myself. I would be lucky to have his luck.

I turn to see another shelve that sits by itself.  2004... 2007... 2009... National Academy of Recording Arts & Sciences... Justin Timberlake. I ran my fingers across the grooves of his name. He was respected in the industry.

"Bells?" I heard him say.

I turn to see him standing in the doorway. "I... wow... you really are this like big time music superstar."

"I wouldn't go that far but I have had my luck at a few good things in my time."

"I'm sorry, I didn't think ... I would have never guess that someone with all this..." I spun around pointing at the room full of career achievements, "Would even want to speak to little ol' me."

"You're kidding right? You are the one that is going to be a doctor very shortly. I should be counting my lucky stars that you even spoke to me. Even with all this..." he points at the walls, "I'm still just me at the end of the day. This is just simply my job. "

I stepped closer to him, resting my hand on his firm chest, covering his heart and placing a smile gently kiss on his lips. "I'm so going to Youtube you now."

He laughs, rolling his eyes, "Could you at least wait till you get home to do that. I wouldn't want you to really find out how amazingly talented I am and you be all stalkerish and I have to get a restraining order against you."

"I don't think you have to worry about that. That's for sure."

His jaw dropped and I knew it was coming so I ran. Down the hallway into the kitchen and finally making it to the front door. Before I could get out the door he was standing, towering over me in the doorway. "Did you forget that I drove? Where do you think you were going to go to." He leans down and kisses me furiously. "I want some Bells."

"Take Bells upstairs then." I said as I shove my tongue back into his mouth.

He lets go of his grip, letting his arms fall to his waist side. Releasing his lips from mine. Whispering in my ear as I feel his warm breathe on my earlobe."I want you Bells... I want you bad..." I felt my entire body start to set on fire. "But I don't want to be that guy for you. I want to get to know who Bells really is. Inside and out."

Talk about buzz kill.

He made reservations at a restaurant that I had never been to before. He said they had the best Italian food in the city. I wasn't the biggest fan of pasta, knowing it would go right to my hips, but it was one night so I was willing to suffer the consequences for him. I would just run my butt off when I got home to make up for it.

Dinner was an adventure. Getting into the restaurant and getting out of there was a mob scene. I don't know how Justin deals with these people following him the way they do nonstop. I would end up hurting someone.

We take our doggie bags and place them in the refrigerator in my hotel room. Kicking off my heels and climbing on the couch with him to watch movies on pay per view. Going to an actual theater was out of the question tonight. He pulls me in closer to him, resting my head on his heart. I can feel it beat. I close my eyes, taking in this very moment. This is something I will never feel again.

"When's the next time I will see you?"

He wanted to see me again? What had I gotten myself into? "You want to see me again?"

His face lights up and the smile on his face is so genuine and beautiful, "Of course I do. I really like you Bells. We had this instant chemistry that I can't explain."

I couldn't speak.  I had no idea that He would even want to see me after I left L.A.

"I will be back in NY in couple weeks. I would love to see you again." He adds.

"Are you leaving tomorrow or something? Why are we having this conversation today?"

"I'm not going anywhere yet. I like to know my place in your life, that's all."

"My life is going to be a living nightmare for the next couple months. I don't know how much fun I am going to be."

"I understand your schedule is crazy, so it mine. Let's just play it by ear then."

I nodded my head, not knowing what to say to him. I needed to tell him that there is no way I can see him again. If I was strong enough to walk away from him at this very moment I would. I wanted to have the feeling I have right now with someone for the rest of my life but that wasn't an option for my life. My life consisted only to carry on the family name.

I fell asleep in his arms again, crying myself to sleep. I was glad he was already asleep because I didn't want to have to explain to him why after I had the most amazing day and night with the most amazing guy why I was crying myself to sleep.

I flip on the television hoping to find a music channel or something to occupy my time while he was still sleeping. I find my books that are scattered on the floor and pick up one of the study guides thinking it was the best time to get some of this done.

A man's voice echoing off the TV catches my attention because I was sure that he had said my name. He did say my name... I gasp when I begin to see footage of Justin and I from the past couple days.

"Arabella Kinsey is about to graduate from Medical School but that wasn't enough for her. She has set her sights on the one and only Justin Timberlake. I guess Mr. Sexyback needed a doctor this time around. Have your four years with him Arabella, he won't marry you either. But it looks like he won't have to worry about marrying you considering you are already engaged."

I felt the world around me collapsing. I knew that this thing I had with Justin was temporary and it was something that I was just having fun with but the last thing I would want is to hurt him. I never intended to hurt him. I never intended on getting close to him at all. I had to tell him the truth. I had to tell him everything.

"Good morning beautiful." He sits up on the bed and kisses me on the shoulder.

I turned to him and saying with the largest lump in my throat. "I need to talk to you."

The room began to spin. I didn't know how to even begin to say this to him. How do you tell a guy that you have been attached to the hip of for the last couple days that you are engaged... or soon to be engaged? How do I explain to this wonderful man that I was a fraud? How do I hurt him like that? I needed to tell him before he found out.

His blackberry starts to ring. I snatch it out of his hands. Last thing I needed was him hearing this from someone other than me. "Please, we need to talk."

"What's wrong? You seem very worried?" He sits up, staring into my eyes as they begin to well up.

"I... I'm kinda engaged..."

The worry in his eyes have turned into an almost fury. "What do you mean kinda engaged?"

"I'm not technically engaged... yet" I said not wanting to even say the words.

He climbs out of bed quickly. He didn't even want to be near me anymore. "What do you mean technically? Do you not have the ring yet or do you choose to just not wear it? What's the deal Arabella? Where is this almost kinda fiancé of yours?" Him calling me by my first name stung like nothing I had felt before. Never before this moment has he called me Arabella. It hurt worse that the anything else he was saying to me.

I couldn't speak but I knew I had to. I had to explain myself a little bit. "My parents have arranged the marriage. It's not something I have a choice in the matter of."

"Last time I checked Arabella, this was 2011 and you have rights to choose who you marry. Don't give me that shit." He was furious, pulling up his jeans fastening the button, missing the clasp four times before getting it buttoned correctly. "I have been cheated on, more than my fair share and this is wrong. He deserves..."

"Justin." I said pulling him back close to me, wrapping my arms around him. "He doesn't deserve anyone. I don't want to marry Gavin. I don't want to get married at all. I want... I want the choice of whom I will marry but that is not how it works in my bloodline. You met my father, you saw how he is. Nothing will change that. I will be engaged in a couple weeks to a man that I cannot stand to be in the same room as. I will live the same life my mother has for fifty years."

He rips my arms away from him, "You have the right to choose. You have the option to say no."
"No I don't." I pleaded. "My father would never approve."

"You are not your father. You are an adult. You can choose what you want to do with the rest of your life."

"You don't get it. You don't understand how the Bloodline works."

"Maybe I don't.  But you are the only person that can change it. You're the only one that can put a stop to this madness..."  He picks up his wallet and phone, sliding them in his pockets. Slamming the hotel door behind him.

He was gone.

For the first time in my life, I felt the pain and the emptiness that I had never endured. I had been through one breakup my entire life and it was not nearly as much heartbreak as I am feeling right now. I had just met this man; I had spent a couple days with him. How could it hurt this much?

                I dialed his phone several times with no response. How was I ever going to explain myself to him? How was I ever going to explain all of this to my parents? I crawled into bed, curly up into fetal position. I never meant to hurt him. I never meant any of this.

I sit in the first class section of the plane surrounded by people I don't know yet I feel like they are all watching me. Like they are all aware of what I had done. I wanted to apologize I wanted to make amends I just didn't know how. I turn up my iPod, hoping to drawn out my thoughts. I hadn't loaded any of the music on here, but I was glad at this moment that my brother was tech savvy. Twenty minutes from now I will be in the air and I will be leaving him forever. Leaving a piece of my freedom behind.

I open my phone, attempting to send him a short message, anything to say I'm sorry. Just at that moment a song I have listened to a hundred times before comes on and says exactly what I need to say.

"Will you listen to my story? It will just be a minute... How can I explain...? Whatever happened here I never meant to hurt you... How can I cause you so much pain? When I say I'm sorry will you believe me? Can you forgive me?" I'm so sorry."

I slouch down in the chair, press send and brace myself for what I will endure when I step off this plane. I didn't wait for a response. I didn't need that. I needed him to be okay.

                Our driver was waiting at the gate for me. He was always someone that let me cry on his shoulders if I needed to. When I stepped off that plane it was no different. He saw the pain in my eyes and he embraced me the moment he saw me.  He never asked questions, he was there for the comfort I needed. He respected me as a human and not as Dr. Lamar Kinsey's, the arrogant asshole's daughter.

"I really messed up this time Gary."

He gripped me tighter. "Everything will work out Arabella. Everything will be fine."

                I wanted to believe that everything would be fine but it wasn't going to be. I had hurt the first person who I had met who didn't know who I was or what I was about to do with my life.

I see my solid black Louis Vuitton suitcase coming around the conveyer belt. "How livid are my parents?" I asked.

"Ohh well you know them. They are not happy at all." He says as he grabs my suitcase.

"I can get it Gary. It's on wheels."

"Arabella, you know if your parents found out I would be ripped a new one."

"I know. Sorry. It's just stupid that you have to carry my luggage."

                I climb in the front seat of the town car. I turn on my phone and see I have seventeen voicemails. Great. I thought. I hit send, hoping that are all from Justin. Saying he understood. My  father... my father...my mother...  my father... my mother.... my father... ugh they drives me crazy. Sixteen messages later one more inbox. Just as I was going to hit delete without even hearing it I hear dead silence. Then I heard "Bells." I knew it was him. I gasped as Gary looked at me worried.

"Bells, I don't understand why you just didn't tell me. I don't understand any of it. I know that whatever this was..." he paused and there was silence again. His tone changed this time, "It really hurt me that you didn't trust me enough to help you. You didn't believe in me enough to let me know what was really going on. I will call you. But... Bells you hurt me... I thought you were different ... take care of yourself..."

I walked into the front door of the house and walked straight up the stairs and closed my bedroom door behind me. Bracing myself up with my hands pressed against the door before I finally collapsed to the floor sobbing. How could I have let myself care for someone else? How could I have let myself have any kind of relief from reality? I knew how it would end. But now, now I had involved someone else into my mess. Someone else is dealing with pain from my actions.

Knock... Knock...

A knock on the door makes me realize I have to get myself together. I heard the door knob turn. I locked it, she wasn't getting in. "Arabella, honey, it's your mother. Let me in."

"Mom, I don't really want to talk to anyone right now. I have a ton to do."

"I need to talk to you now."

I flung open the door, almost smashing it into the wall. "What?" I snapped.

"Don't grace that tone with me young lady. We need to talk about the trouble you got into while you were in L.A."

"I didn't cause any trouble mother." I said rolling my eyes as I flip open my suitcase to start unpacking.

"Arabella, you were frolicking around Los Angeles with a boy who you seemed to be very interested in..."

"The boy your referring to... he was a man, and his name was Justin. But trust me you have nothing to worry about now with him."

"What do you mean, now?"She pops her hand on her hip, bobbing her head back and forth.

‘Nothing, don't worry about it."

"Arabella these stories all insinuated that you... you and him... you...had..."

"Had sex? Can you not even say the words? Seriously you need to get out in the real world sometime."
                Her face was shocked, "Arabella don't speak to me like that."

"Mother. You have nothing to worry about. Don't worry your precious marriage to the Alexander's will go on without a hitch." I forced out. "Even if it makes me unhappy for the rest of my life." I mumbled.

"Arabella, your father left something for you. He is working at the hospital today but wanted to make sure you got this soon as you got back in town."

A jewelry box? Only in this family would they think that buying someone something expensive would make up for whatever is wrong in their life. I laid it on the table and continued to unpack.

"Are you going to even open it?" she asked.

"Sure. Why not?" I snapped back at her. I walked back across the room and picked up the damn box. My throat began to close off and hives started to form over my entire body. My body started to tremble as the box fell to the floor.

The ring.

My proposal came in the form of a navy blue ring box with an emerald cut diamond ring resting in it.

I hated emerald cut diamonds.

I hated my father.

I hated my fiancé.

They were all fitting.

My mother is now sitting in my desk chair rattling off dates and places... "Your engagement party will be held at the country club two weeks from tomorrow... graduation is two weeks after that then the wedding will be one month from graduation. We will have dress samples sent over this weekend and a decision needs to be made before the weekend is up. Alterations needs time to adjust the dresses..."

She continues to rattle off useless information to me. The last thing in the world I want to talk about is a wedding... my wedding.

"Mother. Can we deal with this all later? If I don't get to studying there won't be a graduation or a wedding. I will be repeating a year of med school."

"You will do fine, you know you will. But need you to make sure you schedule is clear to deal with the dresses this week.  I can handle the rest."

Of course you can handle the rest of the details. You would want someone to have any kind of input on their own wedding. Even if it isn't a wedding I want to go through with.

I slam the ring box closed and put it on the dresser. I didn't want to see it.

"Dinner is at seven sharp. Be ready to go." She yells as she walks down the stairs.

"Pink and purple. We want girly colors." My mother is sitting in the living room with the wedding planner as I start having convulsions about an actual wedding taking place. If they were going to torture me with this goddamn wedding they could at least let us go to city hall and sign the papers and be done with it.

The thought of having to consummate a marriage with him makes me want to hurl. He will never be able to touch me the way Justin has. I thought to myself. Justin. A smile creeps up on my face.

"Arabella, I take it you like that idea. You are smiling." My mother was so naïve. I don't think she listens to a word I say.

The wedding planner takes steps towards the door and is trying to avoid this argument. "No, I was not smiling about that. Trust me. I wasn't. I don't care what the colors are."

"You could be a little more enthused about the ideas for your wedding." my mother added.

"This isn't my wedding."

"Arabella."

"Mother, don't." I interrupted her.  "Not tonight ok. I don't want to have this argument with you then have to sit at dinner pissed off for two solid hours. Just drop it."

I walked into that restaurant and saw him sitting at the table we were heading for. He stands to greet me.  Gavin. Makes. My. Skin. Crawl. He kisses the side of my face which causes my entire body to cringe. I walk to the other side of the room to take seat when my father says, "Arabella Kinsey, your seat is next to your finace." I turn my head slowly towards him giving him the look of death.

"This seat is fine."

"Arabella. Take your seat." He demands.

I walked over to the damn seat next to him plopping myself down into it, lifting my head as I wanted to scream at the God's.

He leans over and says, "You're a feisty one. I like that in a woman. Especially in bed."

"Not that you're ever going to find out." I smiles back at him.

"Once you're my wife, I will demand sex." He says as he chugs a Jack and coke down.

"Demanding will get you nowhere with me, you need to remember that." I said to him turning back to my salad the waitress just put down.

I listened to everyone at the table talk about so much useless drama that I almost feel asleep.

I check my phone several times hoping that Justin will call. He said time. I know it's only been a couple hours but I was ready to hear his voice again.

"You do realize that I will blow your mind away in bed right? We can test the waters before the wedding."

"Seriously? You need to realize that you make my skin crawl and the idea of sleeping with you makes me want to hurl. Plus you will never compare to people I have been with."

"Oh, are you referring to Justin Timberlake? That fool you met in L.A.?"

"That fool, is a better man than you ever will be. That man makes my body curl from pleasure."

"I think you need to realize that you are mine honey." He reaches under the table and puts his hand on my leg, pushing my dress up my thigh.

I slapped his hand off of my leg, "Don't touch me." I hissed.

I checked my phone again but still nothing.

"Babe, why are you not wearing my ring?" Gavin demanded.

Everyone turns to look at me at that moment. "Don't call me babe and the last time I checked when someone is given something it isn't the other person's anymore. Hints the reason they call it a gift."

"Arabella." My father said in his stern voice. "You are officially engaged now. You should have your ring on."

"May I be excused please? I suddenly feel like I am going to hurl" I slide my chair out and stand up.

"Arabella, sit." My father demanded. "We are about to eat dinner."

I ignored him and walked away from the table. I needed fresh air. I needed to get the hell out of here. I walked quickly out into the night air of New York City. I can do this... I can do this. How difficult can it be to be unhappy everyday for the rest of my life?  I threw my head back trying to take in the fresh air. Within moments of being on the sidewalk I am surrounded by photographers screaming my name.

"Arabella...Arabella.... Where is Justin? Are you spending quality time with your fiancé? Did Justin know you had a fiancé?"

I lowered my head and walked back into the restaurant. Tears flowing down my face. I opened my phone and sent a message to Gary. He was there within fifteen minutes to pick me up. I left without even acknowledging anyone that I was leaving.

I didn't want to do this tonight. I didn't want to spend time with anyone. I wanted to be back in his arms. I wanted to be his fiancé. I didn't want to be here with these people in this restaurant.

The next two weeks leading up to finals were no better. Sad and chaotic. I kept myself super busy so I wouldn't think about him but that didn't work. I couldn't for a moment not think of him. Finals were something that I had to get done. I had to bring myself together enough to finish those. I had spent two solid weeks hoarded up in my bedroom preparing for one the biggest tests of my medical career. I had to finish this test at the top of my class.

I walked out of the door of my last final exam with a sense of accomplishment. I was going to celebrate. I was going to take one moment and celebrate. In the four years I spent in med school I never went out to a bar with anyone. Tonight, tonight was going to be different. There was thirty of us ready to drink.

I left the campus and headed directly for Sak's Fifth Ave. I had to find the perfect dress. I had never stepped out into public is something that made a statement. My mother would have a heart attack and my father well I could care less what he thought. Twenty dresses later I found the perfect one. Short, very short for me, one shouldered, pink Herve Leger dress, which meant that it fit like a glove. It latched on to every curve of my body. I opted for a pair of nude color Christian Louboutin heels.  I looked at myself in the mirror and I have to say, I looked good.

I wasn't looking for attention tonight. I wanted to look good for me. The one person I would want attention from I can't have. Not to mention he is almost four thousand miles away. I haven't heard from him. Not even a single text message asking how I was. I needed to face reality. He had moved on and forgotten all about me.

I rushed out the front door and into the car before anyone in the house could see me. I arrived at the club late. I felt great about it. I didn't want to be on time. It would make me just like my family. I didn't want to be anything like them.

The club was VIP only. The only way you get in is if it's a slow night and the VIP's don't show up. The bouncer at the door looked angry without even looking at me. "Name please." He barked.

I turned to see the lines along the building. Everyone dressed to the nines. Waiting, hoping they will be allowed through the front door, photographers hoping to get photos of celebrities coming into the club. The flashes start going off before I saw my name, "Arabella Kinsey."

"Ms. Kinsey you can go in." He says.

 I hear the people in the line asking, "Who is she?" then I heard someone else chime in with, "That's Timberlake's new girl."

I held head as high as I could, even though I wanted to run and cry. I walked straight into the bar and ordered a whiskey sour. That very spot was where I stood for two hour taking shot after shot. Drink after drink.

"Drinking the hard stuff again are we? Rough day?"

I must have had too much to drink because I could have sworn I just hear his voice behind me. The bartender steps up in front of me.

"Could I get another round of shots and drink for the two of us please." I closed my eyes. I must be trying to drive myself crazy.

I felt a hand run across my hip and latching around my waist, "Bells?"

 I turned quickly and there he was. Standing right behind me. I didn't know what to do. He was here. My eyes begin to well up with tears. He takes my hand and whispers in my ear. "You look absolutely gorgeous... Don't cry."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt y-"

He cut me off, putting his hand over my mouth. "This is not the place or the time for that."

I wanted to feel him again. I wanted to feel him against me. I took a chance and leaned in to hug him. He was awkward at first. He didn't know if he should touch me, knowing what it could lead to. His arms slowly become a tighter grip around my body. The tears that we just water are now streaming down my face. I took in his scent and held on as long as I could.

"Let's go up to that area" he pointed up to the top level. "I think we need to have a conversation."

He had a grip on my hand as he led me through the crowds and up to a section that was closed off. It was somewhere we could be alone and talk. I sat down across from him as he sat on the comfy leather couch. I sat on the ottoman, crossing on right leg over my left, grazing his leg in the process. He held onto my hand, gliding his thumbs over the curve of my palm. Surrounded by no one in the room.

"I've missed you." He says. "I know it's not my place to miss you, but I have."

"I've missed you every moment since I have been away from you." I say as he wipes away the tears streaming down my face.

"How have you been?" he asks.

"Busy. I graduate next week." I say feeling slightly accomplished.

"Congratulations." He offered.

"Thanks. All the hard work is about to pay off." I uncross my legs and lean in towards him, closing in on his face. I slowly place my lips onto his. He was resistant at first. Resting his forehead on mine but quickly his hands came up around my face, cupping my chin into his hands pulling my face back to look into my eyes. "There's just something about you Bells. I can't help myself."

"Then don't." I pleaded.

He took that as an invitation because his hands were all over my body. He was damn near ripping the dress off of my body. "Do you want to get out of here?"

Something we both couldn't deny was the sexual chemistry that was apparent the moment we are put in the same room together. I didn't know at the time when I first saw him face standing behind me that I would end up here, in his apartment in New York City, in his bed, naked with his arms tightly wrapped around my body. I knew that this was wrong. I knew that I was engaged but I needed his affection. I needed him.

I manage to loosen his grip and rotate my body. I lay awake watching in his every move, his scent, the way he sleeps, his facial expressions when he sleeps, and the way he looks at me as he opens his beautiful blue eyes. He leans up and kisses me on my nose. "Good morning."

"Great Morning." I corrected him. I continued to stare at him. I couldn't stop.

"What are you looking at? Do I have a nice big zit on my face and you're just enjoying the hilariousness of it?"

I smiled, "No... I'm just studying your face." I run my fingers over every curve and crevice of his face, "I want to remember every detail for the rest of my life."

He exhales deeply, "What are we doing Bells? We know this can never work. We can't keep doing this."

The smile that was radiating on my face has turned into a depression. "I know." I sit up on the bed swinging my feet of the side of the bed. Lowering my head to the floor, I close my eyes wanting my real life to be the dream and I'm waking up from it. He takes his hand, rubbing up my back, latching his arm around my stomach before pulling me in close to him.

"I'm sorry I should have said anything."

"No it's fine, reality sucks."

He starts laughing at himself, "If my PR Agent knew I was here right now with you and that I left with you last night... oh man am I in trouble. I guess I better prepare myself because I know a dozen of those photographers got pictures of us leaving together."

"Have I caused a nightmare for your career?"

"No, my PR Agent knows how to make a great story up. She spins things sometimes to keep people from thinking I'm a complete ass. She knows what she is doing."

"So you really are an ass?" I asked.

"Yes, yes I am." He nodded his head.

"Point noted for future reference..." I paused knowing what I had to ask, "So... what are we going to do now?"

"I don't have a clue." He says confused.

I pull his face closer to mine. "I want to run away with you."

"You can't do that to your family. That's not who you are."

"I know. But I want to." I guess he maybe thought I wasn't serious. I was.

"Let's just take a step back... let's look at things."

"A step back? What kind of steps are we talking? Because I'm a bit selfish and I want to keep the step we did last night, a couple times."

He chuckles at me, "I bet you do. I can't help that I'm a genius."

I climbed on top of him, looking deep into his eyes. "I don't think it's you, I think it's us."

"I have to say, I agree. I think we work well together." He pulled my face down onto his.

The words us and we were something that shouldn't be used with us right now.              Having someone genuinely care for you and want to spend time with you is an amazing feeling.

Slowly but surely we rise out of bed. I knew that I had to walk out of this apartment and try not to look back. I needed to let him go. He deserved to find someone to be happy with and that person wasn't going to be me.

I pick up the shirt he was wearing last night and slip it on. It was better than nothing. All I had here was the dress that I wore to the bar last night. The door to the bathroom opens as the steam rolls out of the door. A towel tied loosely around his waist. I wanted to badly swipe the towel and take advantage of him. But I had to be strong. I had to do this. I had to let him be.

He turns to look at me, "My shirt looks good on you..."

"I know right... much better on me."

"Would you be interested in doing some shopping with me today? I have some errands to do along with it but I would like to spend some time with you today."

"I'm sorry what?" I snapped my head his way.

"I know that I can't have you but that doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with you. You're an amazing person Bells."

I nod my head not saying anything.

"That's not so convincing. I would have though you would have been excited somewhat to spend some time with me."

"I'm excited! Just one problem."

"What's that?" he asked

"I think your PR person would have a hell day if I walked out of this apartment with you in the very same dress I wore in last night..."

"I could care less what she thinks right now. I'm sure there are emails and phone calls from her on my phone that I'm not even going to read today. I will deal with her later."

"I'm sorry. I have made a mess out of things."

"Bells, I pay her to do her job... so I might as well give her something to do! Anyways I have boxes of William Rast stuff over there that needs to go to the warehouse. Take what you want out to wear. If they are going to take our pictures and print it at least the fashion line will get promotion from it. That will make her happy."

Maybe this was the wrong choice to make. Maybe I should have just said I should go home but I couldn't. I was stubborn and selfish. I wanted to spend the day with him. I showered and put on those William Rast jeans with an oversized tank, placing my black blazer over to keep my arms from the spring chill that was still in the NYC air.

We stepped out of his apartment and into a nightmare. The same people that followed Justin and I from the bar to his apartment were still out there, waiting to get the pictures they wanted, indeed they got them as we walk out of the apartment, Justin grips my hand and leads me through the crowd taking photos and screaming questions at us. He hails a cab and we finally get a moment to breathe. He apologized profusely, as if this was his fault. He couldn't control what they end up doing.

His phone rang nearly twenty times and he hasn't answered a single phone call. He said today was about us spending time together... getting to know who we really were.

When my stomach began to rumble I knew it was time to sit and eat something. Not to mention the beautiful nude colored heels I was wearing last night were killing my feet. I needed to buy a pair of flats the next store we go in, I thought to myself.

The waitress has taken our orders, and made goo-goo eyes with Justin for twenty minutes but finally our food was being served to us. "So, Lake... you took a day off for me... I think I owe you big time now. Like a hundred thousand dollars big time."

He smiles reaching for my hand across the table, "Try two hundred and fifty thousand today but I wanted to. I needed to spend today with you."

The way he said that made me think that this was going to be the last day I saw him. Maybe he was going to break the ties and walk away from this. If he doesn't, I don't think I ever will.

"Wow, I have a lot to make up for." I winked at him. "Maybe this afternoon or this evening I can make it up to you."

"I want that... that's for sure but the pleasure is all mine. I don't care about the money."

"Whatever you say Lake. Let's get your timber moving." I smack his ass trying to get him to move.

"This Lake is going to shake your bells!"

I started to laugh hysterically, taking his hand into mine. "Leave the jokes for the professional Lake."

He steps back, dropping my hand. "Fine whatever make fun, it's all good."

I pull him back against me, "I'm not after your jokes."

"What are you after Bells?" he says with a smirk on his face.

I lift onto my tippy toes and whisper in his ear, "Your timber!" He tightens the grip around my waist pulling my face into his. Kissing me like it was the first time all over again. I lift back up to his ear,  and whisper "I need to buy some shoes."

His face drops, "Talk about lowering the timber."

"See now that was funny!"

                "So it's only funny when referred to my penis."

                "Yes." I said proudly.

Shoes. Shoes are my heaven. The Yves Saint Laurent store in Manhattan was heaven. I stood for twenty minutes staring at the shoe. Looking at every detail over the arch, the peep toe, the platform, the stitching on the details... I couldn't help myself. I had a thing for shoes. I run my finger on the outside of the arch. It was perfect.

"Are you going to buy them?" Justin asks.

"I'm just admiring them."

"Buy them."

"Oh I'm going to."

We returned to his apartment, tired from the day's adventures. My phone has so many messages from my parents. They were going to kill me if I was lucky when I did come home. I send a quick text to my mother to call off the search dogs, I was fine and I would be home in the morning. I had no clue if I was going to spend the night with him again, but it gave me the time if I needed it.

"Have you put any more thought into what we talked about?"

"What would that be?"

"Turning your sketches into reality."

"I'm going to be a doctor next week. Trying to be a shoe designer is kind of irresponsible."

"Maybe, but passion can out way responsible sometimes. I talked to someone... I showed them one of your stenches and explained to them how I thought you had the talent to rival the best in the business and they agreed to meet with you and maybe even fund the production of your first line..."

I was stunned. "How did you get one of my sketches?"

"I came back to that hotel room in L.A. I paid the bell boy a thousand bucks for your key... I was hoping I could get past any of the thoughts I was having about everything that happened and just believe in you but you were gone. You had taken everything and left. But there was one sketch that you forgot. It was lying on the side table where I had left it. I took it... but before you get mad I needed to show you how talented you really are."

"Justin... I ... I'm a Kinsey... Kinsey's are doctors. My family would never approve of this."

"Bells. I know that you have a strong bloodline that I don't understand sometimes but I'm sure you family would eventually come around. If they saw what I get to see in your eyes, they would be happy for you."

"No, they really wouldn't..."

"Well the offer is still out there. He wants to meet with you soon so if there is any interest let me know... I will make sure the meeting happens."

I have been sketching shoes for longer than I can remember. I never really perused even the idea of being a shoe designer. It wasn't what a Kinsey did with their life. I always found it odd that no one else had any other interests. No one ever expressed what they wanted to do with their lives. It was never an option. Every generation just accepted their fate.

"Bells, I'm going to call for dinner, what do you want?" Justin asked interrupting my thoughts.

"Does pizza sound good?"

"Yes! I haven't had pizza in years."
"WHAT?"

"In my house everyone eats at a sit down dinner and pizza is never a choice."

"You live a deprived life."

Cringe. "Yes. I know."

The television was on in the background as we ate dinner. I look up at the screen to see my picture again on the television. "Fuck" I said running to turn the TV up. Fumbling with the remote turning the channel twice before I found the volume and finally hearing what they had to say.

"...Rockin' what looks like William Rast's summer line of jeans, with the oversized logo tank, Arabella Kinsey steps out of Mr. Sexyback's Tribeca apartment with Justin hand and hand. Spending the entire day wondering on the streets of NYC, shopping, eating lunch, and having a romantic afternoon before they were seen returning to his apartment where they reportedly spent the rest of the night..."

Shit. So much for getting away with anything.

 "Nice to see you back in the flesh Arabella instead of on TV or on the cover of another magazine... how are you doing?"

"Oh man, please don't go there. Not you to." I said thinking that she of all people wouldn't play this game with me. Shannon Campbell and I have known each other for a very long time. Between college and med school we have spent nearly nine years of our lives together.

"Arabella... as long as I have known you, I never knew you were into celebrities."

"I'm not. What are you talking about?" I questioned.

"Justin Timberlake? He is the biggest star in the world. And from what I have read he is the most arrogant person in the industry."

"He isn't like that. I love that everyone including my family is judging him without even knowing him. You can't believe everything you read."

"So I shouldn't believe that you are engaged to Gavin and getting married in just a few weeks but yet you are flocking around the country with Justin at your side like your teenagers again."

"I have never asked anyone for anything... and I'm asking you to understand that I haven't chosen to marry Gavin. It's something I'm supposed to do. Meeting Justin and having his friendship means the world to me. I know that it can't really go anywhere other than what it is right now but I like to spend time with him. He is an amazing person."

"You're in love with him." She said dropping her chart on the nurses' station, as she turns to look at me.

"I'm not in love with him." I fired back.

"You are bold face lying to me."

"Shannon..." I turned to look around me, checking for someone that shouldn't be listening to our conversation. "I like him and I like the way I feel around him, I like the way he touches my skin, I like everything about him but that's not reality. Reality is the fact that I am supposed to marry Gavin. We are going to graduate tomorrow and start the rest of our lives."

"I still can't believe you're going to be married very soon, where is your ring? You're still not wearing it."
"Please don't remind me that I'm marrying Gavin. And the ring is where it belongs, in the drawer with all the other pieces of jewelry my father has bottom me over the years..."

"I would be ecstatic if my parents had arranged for my marriage and I didn't have to worry about meeting a guy, and just marry him."

"Trust me when I say this. You do not want to be in my situation."

"I dunno, hooking up with Justin Timberlake is a pretty amazing position to be in."

I glared at her, trying to get her to drop the situation but she continued to ask questions.

"Is he going to be at graduation? Because if he is going to be free once you get married I would like to slide on in there."

"Shannon... seriously stop." I said to her as I walked away. I didn't ever want to think of Justin with someone else.

"Is your ‘friend' Justin Timberlake coming to graduation?" she asked, throwing up quotations around friend.

"No." I answered with disappointment. "He is in Los Angeles."

"Bummer."

It was Graduation day. I spent four hours rehearsing yesterday on how to walk on the damn stage to receive a piece of paper. I was irritated because I spend the next twelve hours at the hospital running my ass off. Time wasted if you ask me.

The air in the house is so thick I can slice it with a plastic butter knife without any force. I think my prayers were answered though. My parents were not speaking me. Thank the Lord above. I have been avoided and left out of conversations that I should have been in all week. Life was looking up for me. My sister and brother were coming in for graduation however I have yet to hear from them either. This might be the best graduation present ever. Silence.

I was dressed and ready to go only problem was the one person I wanted there wasn't going to be there.  I haven't seen Justin in a couple days and I probably won't see him for a while. He was in Los Angeles working on promotion for his new album. I suck up my ego and get in the car with the rest of my wonderful, loving family.

The car ride there was quiet most of the way. Of course Charlotte has to make the first sarcastic comment. "Arabella. It's nice to finally see you."

"I can't believe you flew in just for graduation."

"Your graduating Medical School of course I was coming. Even with all the irresponsible choices you have made lately."

"Charlotte." I squeeze my eyes closed tightly. "Thank you for coming but please leave those comments to yourself."

"I'm sorry but someone needs to tell you the choices you have been making lately are not practical nor are they smart on your part."

"Charlotte. Seriously. Stop." I said with force, flying my hands around as I do often.

She rolls her eyes are me. "Whatever, Arabella."

                I was annoyed. I knew what she was thinking. I knew every single decision I have made in the last couple weeks... I know I really do.

"Dreams and possibilities are reality." I began to speak. Public speaking was never one of my greatest achievements. "Dreams come true. Everyone in this room had a dream one time or another of becoming a doctor. Well today your dream becomes a reality. You walked in this room as a Medical School graduate and you walk out of this room as a doctor. What an achievement to have. .."

I was a fraud. I was standing in front of all these people saying all these things, but none of it was what I wanted. None of it was the truth. I believed not a single word I was saying. Some speaker I was.

"Take life by the horns and pull it in whatever direction you want. You have control of your destiny."

I was a bold face liar.

I stepped off that platform wanting to cry. Take life by the horns... you have control of your destiny. Liar. I had no control. I was a Kinsey and I had no power.

"Ladies and gentleman..." the dean announces, "I present you to the class of 2011."

Everyone cheered and tossed their hats, while I stood there. Sad. I was not overjoyed by this occasion at all. I was in a daze. I could see everyone around me a blur.

I walked out of that room and out into the fresh air.

Whew. I couldn't catch my breath. I was hyperventilating. My perfectly matched clutch in my hand was vibrating. I had a missed call. And one voicemail.

Justin.

A huge smile started across my face. I wanted to hear his voice.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be there to share this with you... I miss you every day. I know that you..." he breaks up. It sounded like he was crying on the other end which makes me instantly flood with tears. "I know that the best choice for us to keep our distance from each other. I have an empty space... in my heart that will always belong to you. I know that we both have been fighting this choice for so long but it's time we both face the reality that is upon us. I never want to lose you in my life... ever... but at this moment in time I can't see you and not want to hold you in my arms. I can't talk to you without wanting to tell you I love you... Bells take your own words and hold them next to your heart. Take life by the horns and pull it in whatever direction you want. You have control of your destiny."

How did he know that... how would he know what was in my speech. No one had seen that speech, no one at all. I finished it this morning. I quickly turn to look around. Looking every direction. I dropped to my knees sobbing.  He showed up. He had been in that very room when I gave that speech. He now knew how much of a bold face liar I was. He said... I love you. He said it with so much emotion behind it. How can I walk away from that? How can I not run into his arms?

The crowds start to filter out of the venue and fill the once empty sidewalks. I can't move. My legs feel like stones and are too heavy to pick up.

"Arabella, what's wrong? You should be happy..." Lamar says.

"I... I..."

"What's going on with you?"

"You wouldn't understand, you're a Kinsey." I said with emphasis on the name.

"Last time I check I was a Kinsey but I was also just your brother." He sits down next to me.

"I fell in love. I fell in love with the most amazing man on the planet... but I am going to marry a man that I want to hurl just thinking about. I'm a doctor but I don't want to be a doctor." I vented.

"What do you mean you don't want to be a doctor?" he intermittent.

"That's all this family thinks about... being a doctor... ugh I know I'm a Kinsey but I don't want to be a doctor. That's not what I wanted out of life." I began to vent loudly.

"Arabella... I think too much is happening and you're scared that's normal..."

"The only thing I'm scared of, is giving up the love of my life. I will be a doctor for the next forty years if I could marry who I wanted to. I would go to work unhappy for the rest of my life if I could simply have the love of my life next to me when I got home."

"I know that our marriages are not ‘normal' but you will learn to love him."

"I don't think I will. I don't think I will ever be that person. That's not who I am."

"Did you know that I fell in love before I got married? I thought I was hopelessly in love and I chose to marry Erin instead. I love her more every day."

"You should have been in love with her the day you married her and the love grow stronger everyday your married."

"You know this is how our family works. So..."

I interrupt him, "So I should just suck it up and do as they say right?"

Just as the words flow out of my mouth the entire family is standing next to me.

"Were ready to go to dinner if you are Arabella?" My father asks.

"Sure let's go, and get this all over with."

I was heartbroken and shattered. Nowhere near a place I should be on the day I graduate and become a Doctor. The ride to the restaurant was quiet until my father feels the need to speak.

"Arabella, you should be wearing your engagement ring. I know you think it's big and tacky or whatever your thoughts are on it today. But you are an engaged woman. You should be wearing it... then maybe that California boy would leave you alone."

"That California boy is a man from Tennessee but please leave Justin out of this. And I will wear the ring when I feel I have to."

"Does he know have any respect for a woman that is engaged to be married?"

"Dad. Stop." He looked at me with the strangest look. I'm usually not blunt with him. "I thought this was supposed to be a happy day. Drop it."

My father's favorite restaurant had closed for the night so my graduation celebrations could be there. I wanted the day to be over and I wanted to be in my bed so I could cry alone. I held my phone in my hand the entire night, hoping, praying that he would change his mind and call me again. Instead I got to spend the evening with everyone I dreaded seeing in the world.

My family doesn't understand what it feels like to actually be in love. They don't understand what it's like to not have the passion for medicine they way they do.

White, cream, ivory, eggshell, dress after dress the nausea in my stomach seems to get worse. I'm trying with everything I have to get this accomplished. I am trying to do this. I am trying to be the Kinsey I am supposed to be.

My mother and sister are going through the racks, throwing fifty dresses at me to try on. They are completely obsessed with this wedding. They are handling every detail of this wedding. Maybe they thought if I didn't have to deal with it I will show up and not think twice about the wedding.

Only my mother would have the connections to have Vera Wang herself here to go through dress after dress. To have her make choices that she would think would look best on me. I have hives that were forming over my entire body as I stand in the dressing room, staring at the dresses hanging on the rack that I'm supposed to try on.

Silk, satin, tulle, cotton, beading, crystals, simple, elegant, princess, a-line, mermaid... I couldn't imagine even look at them. How in the world was I going to put them on my body and make a choice. I couldn't do it. Trying on a wedding dress would make all of this real, more real than I need it to be. It has been weeks since I spoke to Justin, weeks since I even heard his voice. I have sunk into a depression that I didn't think I could pull myself out of.

"What color are we doing the bridesmaid dresses?" Vera asked as we walked into the dressing room.

"I don't know, you would have to ask them. More than likely it will be pink or purple. They love the girly colors."

"Is this wedding something you want to do? Why are you so sad about trying on dresses?"

"It's an arranged marriage that I don't approve of. It's not something I want to do."

She places each dress carefully on the racks, one by one. "Honey, if I have learned anything in the decades that I have been designing dresses... It's that if you don't want to get married, you shouldn't. It will end in divorce or even worse."

"My family would never approve of me not marrying him."

"Sometimes families have to be tested and sometimes they fail. But at the end of everything you have to be the one to live your life. You are the one that has to wake up in this life every morning."

"Only if it were that simple." I say under my breathe.

"So, have we met before... you look familiar?"

"No, I have never met you before."

"Hmm, you just looked so familiar." She looks at me again, "Your picture was just in People Magazine.... With Justin Timberlake... is that who you are marrying?"

"He is a friend of mine." I swallowed hard. "He is not who I am marrying."

"Wow, that picture make it look like you were happy together. I guess sometimes it looks like more in a picture."

The pink splotches have turned into deep red and covering even more of my body. I was staring at the dresses on the racks when Charlotte walked in the dressing room. She gave me her frustrated; she was over the situation look. "Arabella what is wrong with you? You are supposed to be trying on your wedding dress. I don't have all day to waste here. There is a lot that needs to be done before the engagement party tomorrow..."

"I can't do this." I managed to mumble out.

"You can do this. They are just dresses." She rolled her eyes and began to take one of the dresses off the rack.

"Wedding dresses Charlotte. They are wedding dresses and I feel like a fraud trying them on."

"I went through the scared part of getting married as well..." She unzips the dress and attempts to put it over my head. "You will be fine."

I step back, preventing her from putting it over my head. "I'm marrying the wrong guy."

"What is this thing you have for this Justin guy that you can seem to let him go, you just met him." She was annoyed by the idea of Justin.

"It's not just one thing... It's everything... it's the way I feel when he walks into a room, it's the way my heart flutters when he smiles at me..." A huge smile waves across my face, "It's the way he calls me Bells... It's the way his eyes look when he first wakes up in the morning... it's the way his eyes look at me..."

"Were Kinsey's Arabella, you need to get over this crush you have for a guy you met and hooked up with in L.A."

"I wish it was just a crush."

"Ok so you think you feel in love with him because he was the first person you slept with. I don't understand it because my husband took my virginity but maybe that's why you think you are marrying the wrong person."

"He wasn't the first person I slept with."

Her eyes became huge and disappoint reined through them. "What do you mean he wasn't your first?"

"Charlotte, I'm not having this conversation with you." I turned to walk away from her when she grabbed my shoulder and spun me around.

"Ohh I think we need to have this conversation now. How long have you been having sex with random guys?"

                "It's not like that."

"Then what is it like Arabella? I would like to know how our families name is being put to shame by you screwing every guy that crosses your path."

"I don't need to have this conversation with you. I'm sorry I didn't wait to have sex for the first time when I was almost thirty years old. I'm sorry that I experienced a little more life than you ever did, but I wouldn't take any of it back because I know what it's like to have sex with someone because I wanted to and not because I had to."

She grips the dress in her hands tighter, "I love my husband. I wouldn't trade him for the world."

"If you felt even one percent of what I feel for Justin you would understand."

She tosses the dress on the chair next to me, as her voice gets defensive. "I'm sorry that the precious Arabella isn't getting her way this time. Maybe we should have this talk with Gavin and see how he feels about all of this."

I laughed, "Gavin, yea I think I would be more worried about his sexual history than my own. He has been with more women than I care to think about."

"What is wrong with your generation?" She rolled her eyes at me again.

"We are both in the same generation, what are you talking about?" I corrected her.

"I guess I have more respect for myself and my body to do that."

"Do you think that I just went out there and screwed guys just to do it? Seriously you don't know me at all."

"I don't think I do."

"The first guy I slept with was someone that I cared about. I never loved him but it was what it was. Do I wish it was someone else, maybe... but I don't regret it at all. Everything I have done in my life led me to Justin, and finding that feeling I never thought I would feel.

She shakes her head as a sure sign that she disapproves. "You have to do this Arabella. Our bloodline doesn't allow for leap holes. No matter how you feel about someone else, this is what you are supposed to do."

I was going to scream or I was going to have a panic attack. "Just pick a dress for me. Order my size and I'm done with it." I stripped off the corset and the petticoat and put my clothes back on. I walked out of that dressing room and straight out to the street and hailed a cab. Only if my father knew I, Arabella Kinsey was getting into a cab.

As I rode in the back seat of that cab through New York City I happen to see an enormous Billboard in Times Square. It was the person I couldn't get my mind to clear of... it was the man I let myself fall in love with ... it was the man the world new as Justin Timberlake.

I made it out of the cab before I cupped my hands over my face as the tears stream down. I had to let him go. I had to give up on whatever dream I had that we would end up together. He obviously didn't want anything to do with me, he chose to walk away. He made that decision and I had to respect it. I ran up the flight of stairs ignoring my name being called from another room. I slammed the bedroom door shut, locking it behind me.

There was one thing I needed to do. I need to put it all out in the open. I needed to give a proper goodbye to him. I needed to remove that part of my heart that belonged to him. It wouldn't leave me with much to love others in the world but I wouldn't need my heart anymore.

Looking down at my watch, making sure it wasn't too late in L.A. I scroll down through the contacts in my phone and slowly coming up to the L's... Lake. I press send and wait for the rings to begin. It was longest drawn out two seconds of my life. The first ring turned into two, which turned into four, and then six and his voicemail picked up.

"It's Justin. Leave me a message. I will get back with you as soon as I can..."

I took a deep breath and begin to speak. "Lake, I know that you don't want to talk to me anymore and I respect that decision. But I needed to tell you a few things before I let you out of my life..." I couldn't catch my breath. I knew this is what I had to do, even as I started to ramble I knew I had to say whatever I could, "How could you show up at my graduation and not see me... I miss you every moment I'm not around you. I miss everything about you. I don't know how I'm going to wake up every morning for the rest of my life without you next to me. I don't know anything anymore. I understand how hard this is for you and I won't call again. Please remember... that I will always love you. Take care of yourself Lake..." I dropped the phone sobbing. I didn't think my eyes could manage any more tears.

Tomorrow is my engagement party and I need to accept this is my future. Gavin is my future. I need to push any thoughts or feelings of Justin away. He has moved on and its time I do the same.

My phone beeps in notification of a new email. I pick it up quickly hoping and praying that it was from Justin. But it wasn't... well not literally.

"I have heard some of the most amazing and promising things about you things about you from your friend Justin Timberlake. The one design I did see of yours is genius to say the least. I look forward to meeting with you tomorrow and discussing your career opportunities. I think we could work great as a team. See you at eleven a.m. at Gramercy Tavern in Union Square tomorrow.  Have a great night."

Justin must have already scheduled a meeting with this guy because I had no clue what he was talking about. I wasn't aware that someone actually had interest and seeing my designs. I wasn't a designer. I was a doctor. I was a Kinsey.

I laid my heavy head on the pillow, praying that something happens in my life... something changes and somehow I find happiness in the life I am about to lead.

I was late. I was super late. My sister and mother were sure to have a nervous breakdown. It was just after two in the afternoon and I was supposed to be at my hair appointment. I sat fourteen city blocks from where I needed to be, the traffic was a nightmare and there was nothing I could do.

I had forgotten to pack extra clothes to change into. I know the black pencil skirt, a turquoise button down with cascading ruffles down the front with a blazer with a gorgeous pair of black classic pumps would make them suspicious but I had walked off and the bag that had clothes in it was laying right where I left it.

"You're late Arabella... and a little overdressed for a hair appointment." My mother barked as I run into the salon.

"I know... I know. Traffic was a nightmare. I have been sitting for twenty minutes at a complete stop trying to get here." I said trying to take the attention off of my clothes and the face that I was super late.

"I told you not to go into the city this morning. Why did you have to go into the city?"

"Not a big deal. I'm here. Let's get this over with." I sat down in the empty chair that awaited me.

Luckily my mother drops the situation and starts explaining to the hairdresser how she wants my hair done. Like I said, nothing about this wedding had to do with me at all.

I haven't worn that ring at all yet. And as it stares back at me in that navy blue box. I begin to hyperventilate just thinking about putting it on.  I knew that I had to. I knew that I couldn't show up at my engagement party without an engagement ring.  I have yet to even speak to the man I was going to marry. I had managed to put on the most gorgeous dress my mother had picked out. However the shoes she chose were to plain for me, white, typical for my mother to choose something like that. I slide on a pair of red heels I bought while I was in L.A., making sure that they were high enough that they would poke out of the bottom of the dress when I walked.

I dropped that ring into my clutch and stepped into the limo.

"Arabella Kinsey those are not the shoes that I picked out for you."

"I know they are not the shoes you picked out. I'm doing more than I ever wanted to be doing at this very moment for you. Could you please just stop about the shoes. I'm not that plain Jane you and everyone else in this family wants me to be. I'm marrying a guy that I can't stand for this damn family. Shouldn't that be enough for eternity?"

"Arabella Kinsey, what has gotten into you lately? You have not been yourself for a while. You would have never spoken to anyone like that before." My mother attempts to make me feel bad, but it doesn't work.

"I have learned a lot in the last month."

She snaps her head up, "I wish you would have never taken that trip with your father. Los Angeles is a place you never need to visit again."

"What's funny is Los Angeles made me realize exactly who I was. Not the Kinsey who was going to be a Doctor and not the Kinsey that was being forced to marry someone she didn't care about. It made me realize who Arabella was... who Bells was."

"Who is Bells?"

"You wouldn't understand."

*Back in the present *

"ARABELLA!!"

I roll my eyes. I couldn't escape my mother for a moment without her freaking out. She was worried that I would do something to embarrass the family. I had two glasses of wine, I didn't drink the whole damn bottle. I wanted to leave this damn engagement party. I didn't want to be here. Sad thing was this was my engagement party. I was the one supposed to be happily engaged. I was no way near happy. If I had enough nerve I would walk away from everything. I would walk away from this bloodline and never look back.

I should be happy. I had graduated from Medical School. The grueling rotations at the hospital have started but it was part of the job. Patients are something I have deal with, not something I want to deal with. I didn't have that doctor gene that they all seemed to have. I haven't found the ‘love' for this job as I thought I would. Who wouldn't want to be a doctor? Isn't that the American dream? I didn't have a worry about anything. I walked out of Med School with not a single student loan to pay back, life was going to be easy. I had the brains and the knowledge of a doctor, it just wasn't the things I thought I was supposed to do for the next forty years or my life. The few things I did want in life, were out of the question.

My mother appears from crowd again. "Arabella, it's rude to keep your guests waiting. Get out there and mingle with them. Show some respect."

Respect. I shake my head. Not one person in this room shows respect for anyone.

Doctors from around the country have showed up in awe of my father. Not one of them gave a shit to who I was or what was about to change in my life they were here for their own benefit.

"Arabella... I'm Sara it's nice to meet you." This petite five foot two blonde reaches her hand out for me to acknowledge her existence.

"Hi..." I extended my hand to finish the gesture.

"I'm going to be joining you at the hospital for our internship. I thought maybe we should introduce ourselves."

"I'm glad my father took the liberty of inviting you to my engagement party for us to meet."

"He thought it was a great idea."

I'm sure he did. I thought to myself.

"So I have to ask... Justin Timberlake... where did that come from?"

Was she serious with that question? Seriously? "Justin is an amazing person and someone I will always have in my life..." I was lieing. Justin has already exited out of my life, but I wanted to keep him there as long as I could.

"So why didn't it work out with you two?" she asked, sipping on her glass of champagne.

"I'm sorry, Sara did you say it was? Do you see what is going on around you? Do you see that I am engaged to marry someone, don't you think that's inappropriate to ask?"

"I'm sorry I didn't mean it in a negative way... it's just well... a friend of mine is friends with him and they said he was devastated and heartbroken and I thought maybe it had something to do with you."

He was heartbroken? My entire body started to stiffen. "I'm sorry I need to go... I ... I... see someone I need to talk to." I bolted out of there, heading straight for the bar. I seriously need to stop masking my problems with alcohol. "Jack and coke please." I say to the bartender.

"Ma'am I would love to serve that to you but the woman in the green over there..." he points to my mother. "Has cut you off."

"SHE WHAT?" I was furious "Listen, either you pour me the drink or I will come behind the bar and get the bottle myself and start chugging. I'm sure she won't like that."

He looked at me for a moment before caving in and mixing me a drink.

I turned, lifted the cup nodding my head at my mother, acknowledging that I had another drink, and then gulping the entire drink down like it was a shot. I had the bartender pour me another before I exited the room and found myself outside on the terrace.

"I like... the woman intoximcated and rough sex!" he says slurring his words. I think my mother should have cut him off.

I felt the overwhelming urge to hurl come on. "The only sex I want is with Justin. He is the person that I want to touch my body."

"Look around you Arabella" he begins to get louder "I don't see that fool anywhere around. He left you in the dust like you were yesterday's news. He doesn't want you more than I do. Sometimes we don't have those choices in life." He steps closer to me, rubbing the side of my arm.

I step back quickly. "Trust me, Gavin. The last thing I want in life is to become your wife."

"Well you better get used to the idea. And I better see that ring before the night is over." He demanded.

"You want the fucking ring... I will give you the fucking ring. I don't want it." I reach into my clutch and throw at his face as I walk away from him.

"Arabella baby... come back here. I just want to touch you."

                Hours later the crowd as disappeared and so had Gavin. I was never happier to be alone.

"The limo is here Arabella. Let's go."

"I will take the town car, you all just go."

"Arabella" my sister says sympathetically. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" I asked, confused.

"For you losing the love of your life for the bloodline, I can tell you really truly loved him."

I dropped my head to cry and she walked away. A Kinsey just felt remorse for someone other than themselves. Maybe she did have a heart.

Silence.

Silence was all that I hear surround me. Never in my life have I been so happy to hear nothing. The last month quietness is all I have wanted. I didn't want to hear anything. I wanted everyone around me to be in mute.

I had a bottle of Jack latch in my hand that I wasn't letting go of. I wanted to chug the entire bottle, and I was doing pretty well. Forgetting everything that has happened in the last month and what is about to happen.

Footsteps begin to enter an empty ball room. The footsteps begin to echo, my head slowly rises and I see a man sexier than I ever remembered walking towards me. His simply t-shirt and jeans were just plan sexy. I rose to my feet quickly bolting across the room.

Just steps in front him I place my hand over my mouth with tears flowing down my face. Was I dreaming that he was standing right in front of me? "Justin?"

He takes my hand off of my mouth and places it into his hand.

"First thing is... I don't want you out of my life. No matter what happens you are the most amazing person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I never wanted to lose you Bells." Tears are streaming down his face which only makes mine intensify. "Never for a moment do I want you to think I want that. I know that I chose to walk away from you... I know that I'm not who your father would want you to marry. I know that I will never be the generation your family would like to add to their bloodline but I love you... I love you more than this guy ever could."

I reached my hand up to his face, slowly gliding my fingers over the curve of his jaw line. "I love you. I-"

He interrupted me, "I'm not asking you for an answer right this moment... but I want you to know that I take back what I said, I'm not going anywhere. I want this... I want you... I want us..."

I place my hands over his jaw line, pulling his face close to mine. Taking in his scent, "Can we go back to your place? I need to feel you near me. I want to fall asleep in your arms."

"Is that all it takes to make you happy?"

"That's all." I verified.

"Well then let's go. I will make you a very happy woman tonight."

"I'm going to give you some time Bells... I know your time is very limited with a decision but remember that I will be waiting for you and if you decide to marry him I will accept that and I will deal with it. My flight left at 10am today for Vegas. I will keep my distance until you make your decision. I will see you in a couple weeks... maybe a little longer. Don't hesitate to call if you want to talk... but know that I am thinking about you every second I am away."

I woke up to a note attached with a single long stem rose lying on his pillow. I sit up to see rose petals covering the bed. He had left without saying goodbye. I didn't expect that from him. I didn't even know he had a flight this morning.

This is exactly what I needed to add to my list of things to do. We never spoke for one moment about everything that needed to happen. He knew that this decision had to be mine and mine alone. This was something that really no one else could tell me what to do. But I would like to have seen him before he left. I would have at least like to know exactly what he was thinking.

I was potentially going to give up my entire family for him... that's what he was asking me to do technically and how was I supposed to make this kind of decision without weighing pros and cons on both sides. Why would he just up and leave?

I throw on a pair of jeans, from that very same box again. This time finding the shirt he wore last night lying on the floor and putting it on.  I inhaled deeply as I pulled it close to my skin. It smelled like him.

There were photographers waiting outside of his apartment for me when I decided to finally leave.

"How was your night with Justin? He left hours ago without you, with a suitcase in hand?"

"How can you leave your engagement party and go home with Justin? What kind of person are you?"

"Does your fiancé know that you are not faithful to him? Does he know that you are still seeing Justin on a regular basis?"

"What's your wedding night going to be like?"

I turned back towards those guys screaming questions at me. Only if they knew what was really going on in my life. Only if they knew.

Hours turn into days which turned into a weeks and I have yet to hear from Justin. He said he would give me space to decide but this wasn't the space I wanted. I wanted to see him, I wanted to hear his voice. I didn't want to communicate by a couple lines in an email. The week he was supposed to be in town I emailed him asking if I would be able to see him and he said yes... but he was extremely busy and he couldn't promise me when or for how long. He would let me know. But I still haven't heard from him.

In the time I haven't seen or heard from him I had managed to officially become a doctor. Yet I still had no interest in spending the time in the hospital. I had my shifts reduced and said that I was having some personal issues. I needed to focus on the upcoming wedding and working twelve to sixteen hours a day plus dealing with a wedding was making me not concentrate as much as I need to for my patients. They agreed to cut my schedule and not inform my father. The last thing I needed was his opinion on things.

I was thirteen hours into my sixteen hour shirt and the hospital was quiet. It rarely happens so I took advantage of the down time. I headed into a quiet conference room and opted to get some work down that I needed to work on.

A Google search engine sits in front of me. An empty search bar with so much work to get done I type...  Justin Timberlake, instead of the work I should be getting done.

I was shocked when a couple million sites came up. I slowly began looking at page after page. An official website with all this achievements, pictures, news articles, and message boards devoted to him. Artists that have worked with him praised him; artists that wish to work with him praised him. Calling him a musically genius, someone in the industry that doesn't get nearly the credit he deserves.

Checking over my shoulder in the empty conference room, I clicked back over to a fan site bringing up the tour dates. He never mentioned to me that he was on tour. That could have explained why the phone calls have been so hit or miss, why he seemed so drained every time I talked to him.

Justin Timberlake kicked off his tour is Las Vegas, NV on Tuesday to a sold out crowd with a nearly two hour set. The fans were treated with some of his classic hits along with most of his new album. I was at that show and I have to say I was never a fan of Justin but I walked out of there impressed and purchased the new album on my way to work the next morning. He is unstoppable and he has much more to offer...

Why would Justin keep something like a world tour from me? Why would he hide something like this from me? Maybe I should have known, maybe I should have researched a little about him but I never thought I had to. I didn't think he was keeping anything from me.

There were hundreds of articles about the last month of tour dates...

Justin Timberlake takes on Tacoma Dome... Sold out crowd of nearly thirty two thousand people were treated to the one and only Justin Timberlake.

Justin Timberlake brought sexy back to northern California...

Justin Timberlake sets his sits on a world tour and a new girlfriend...

Picture of Justin catch my eye. A brunette that seems to be very cozy with him in and out of buildings, eating lunch and pictures of her walking onto his bus, his hand on the small of her back. Tears start to slide down my face....

Maybe he had changed his mind... Maybe he had moved on. Maybe... just maybe I don't have a choice to make now. Maybe I lost him.

Frustrated and hurt I give up on the research I was supposed to.

My shift was almost over; I rounded on my patients and headed out of the hospital. I was glad to have the next twenty four hours to myself. I had too many thoughts and ideas running through my head to concentrate on anyone other than myself right now.

"Hi..." Erin said almost confused.

"Hi, I'm on my way out are you just starting your shift?" I asked.

Still confused, "Yea. I'm working graveyard this week. Why are you working?"

"I'm on daylight right now. I switch to midnights next week."

"Ohh, I just thought with your wedding this weekend you would be preparing for that."

What did she just say, there's no way she just say what I think she just said. "What do you mean my wedding this weekend? I'm not getting married for a month."

"Oh... hmm maybe I have the date wrong. I got the invite in the mail last week. The date was different than on the engagement announcement... at first I thought... well I thought you were pregnant and didn't want to wait another month."

"NO!" I said fast and strong, "I haven't slept with Gavin."

"Ohh... Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I looked at it wrong."

"No... I don't think you are... I have to go."

My parents have seriously moved up my wedding. They had done this without my knowledge and without my approval. I could feel my blood pressure beginning to boil every minute I spent in that car I was going to explode. I couldn't believe they were doing this to me. I was fuming by the time I got into the driveway. There was a single light on in the entry way but the rest of the house looked dark and empty.

"Good evening Bella. How was your day?"

"Sorry Gary, I'm not mad at you but I can't speak to you right now because I would have to let this rage loose on you, you don't deserve any part of it."

"I'm sorry..." he says, knowing my parents have yet again done something that changes my life. Something else that makes my wonderful life just a little more difficult.

I walked in the front door. Slamming it as hard as I possibly could, nearly breaking every piece of glass in their perfect etched glass doors. The sound echoed through the house, which meant both of my parents make a dash for the front door and when they get there they see me... flushed and ready to scream.

"Arabella what is your problem? You shattered the glass in that front door." My father asks, pissed off.

"What gives you the fucking right to move up the wedding? Marrying that douchbag of a man wasn't enough for you... You had to move up the wedding?" I slammed down my purse, causing everything to fall out of it.

"Arabella... the venue... the cater's they needed to...-" My mother attempts to make excuses up.

"Don't play that bullshit with me... you moved up the wedding because you wanted it moved up."

"Honey. We just want you to be married and start your life..." My father says in his stern voice.

"Completely ridiculous, both of you make me sick. You moved up the wedding because you think I'm going to cancel the wedding."

"You can't cancel the wedding. That's not something we are worried about." My father says with confidence. He obviously doesn't know me very well.

"Then what are you worried about?"

They both look at each other, then back at me. "We thought you were pregnant and we just thought if you were already married, people wouldn't know."

"Why does everyone seem to think that I would be irresponsible enough to get pregnant? If I was pregnant the child wouldn't be Gavin's... and if I was pregnant I sure as hell wouldn't be marrying the man who is NOT the father of the baby."

My mother seems relieved, "So are you saying you are not pregnant?"

"No, not that I'm aware of anyways... I can't believe you wouldn't just ask me about something like that... oh wait if you don't know the reality of the facts then you assume things."

"Arabella, we were looking out for you."

"I'm sorry but none of what is going on in my life right now is looking out for me."

I walked away from them and suddenly realizing that here I was about to marry a guy I can even imagine being in the same room as and the guy I thought I was in love with has clearly moved on.

What was I going to do now? How could I have ended up here?

Seventeen missed calls and eight voicemails in less than twenty four hours. I wasn't sure if they were all from him but I'm sure more than one is him. I was beyond irritated and I didn't want to talk to him. It was the night before the rehearsal dinner for a wedding I was going to go through with. I had faced the reality of life and decided that my happiness didn't outweigh the other options. My life is what it is.

Justin had made his choice and it was time for me to face the music. I had to breathe in the morning air and listen to the voicemails, just in case it was something important.

"Bells, its Justin. I'm a couple hours outside of New York City. I can't wait to see you. You are probably working but I want to see you. Call me when you get a chance." Delete.

"Arabella it's your mother... reminding you that you have to pick you your dress today." Delete.

"Arabella it's your mother.... Again. Try answering your phone once and a while you need to... " Delete. I don't need to hear anything she has to say.

"It's Lake, I can't get a hold of you, what is going on?  I have lots to tell you. I want to see you."  You can't get a hold of me because I have been avoiding your phone calls. That takes a genius to figure out, I thought.

 "Arabella Kinsey..." a male voice reined. It was a voice that I haven't heard in a very long time. "It's Andre Person, I'm in town and I would love to see you. Maybe we could meet for lunch today. Call me, I need to talk to you." Save. I was going to go to lunch with him.

"It's me again ...I" he pauses, "I went to the hospital to see you and they told me you were off work because you were getting married this weekend. Bells why didn't you tell me? Why is the wedding pushed up? I thought we were going to deal with this? Call me back, please..." I swallow the lump in my throat and hit delete.

"Bells, I don't know what's going on but whatever it is, I would really like to hear it from you. Why are you avoiding my calls?" Finally he realizes that. "I need to know that you are ok. I need to hear your voice..."

"ARABELLA KINSEY this is your mother..." Delete. Again I don't care what she has to say.

It's sad that it was only 9:00 in the morning and I wanted a drink. I needed something to calm my nerves. It was going to take me a lot of alcohol to get through the next couple days. How I was going to manage I wasn't sure. I had to be an adult and I had to call Justin, I hoped and prayed that when I did, I would get his voicemail. Talking to him would only makes me want cave in, I couldn't do that.

Picking up the phone I brace myself, for whatever might happen.

One single ring and he picked up. "Bells... where the hell have you been, I have been trying to get a hold of you."

"Justin- "I cut him off, "I am fine. I am off of work because of the upcoming wedding." I felt the lump becoming more apparent. "I need you to know that I loved you. I loved you more than I ever thought I could love someone. You can continue with whatever is going on in your life right now... you can continue to move on from me."

"Bells what is going on? I thought we were fine? I thought everything was finally working out for the two of us. Please tell me you are not going to give into your parents and marry that guy? Bells that's not who you are."

"I don't know who I am anymore Justin. I trusted you enough to leave my entire family behind and look where it got me..."

"Where did it get you? Bells, I'm so confused right now." He was panicking now.

"I love you Justin" my voice started to shake and the quivering of the bottom lip started, "I loved you."

"Stop... what is going on." He pleaded.

"Justin, I can't do this anymore. I'm setting your free. You can be with whomever you want to freely now. You don't have to worry about me anymore. I'm sorry if I cause any harm to your career. There is nothing I can do now to take any of it back." I clicked off the phone without hearing anything he had to say. I officially felt empty. I had no emotion and no pain, just empty.

The emptiness I had felt before is no comparison to what it is now. I felt hollow.

Andre Person was someone I have known for quite some time. I met him just after graduation from college, right before I went to med school. We met randomly and became fast friends and kept contact over the years. He was never in the same place for too long. We were alike in a lot of ways. Sometimes it took us weeks to reply to an email and sometimes we were right on top of the emails. We both were busy.

"Sorry I'm late." He says as I stand to hug him. He pushes out his chair and sits at the table across from me. "I just had a huge issue with Justin. He wanted to cancel tonight's show. He said he wasn't in the place mentally to do a show. It's crazy because I have never heard him say that before. I have never seen him in pieces like that." He shakes his head in disbelief.

"Justin?" I asked, thinking there was no way he could being talking about the Justin that instantly popped up in my head.

"Justin...Timberlake. I thought..." he looked confused, "I thought you guys were together? You are all he talks about. I guess I shouldn't assume things."

I lowered my head in my hands, "It's difficult."

"There's nothing difficult about it. You two are obviously in love... you should be together."

"How do you know Justin?" I asked attempting to change the subject.

"You really do lose touch with reality don't you? I have been Justin's tour manager for years... many many years."

"Sorry the whole medical school thing kept me busy." I laughed, "But I'm here now, how are you?"

"Don't change the subject... what's going on with you two?"

"I'm getting married the day after tomorrow." I blurted out.

"WHAT? To who?"

"My family's marriages are arranged. I'm no different."

"That's bullshit."

"Well its reality." I said staring at my plate, pushing the salad around with my fork.

"This is why Justin is like this today... Damn, that man is really in love with you."

"He wasn't too in love with me while he has been dining out with that brunette..."
"What brunette?" he questioned.

"I don't know who she is, but I saw the pictures. He has moved on."

"Arabella, I can sit here and tell you with 100% confidence that whatever you saw wasn't what you think it was... you need to talk to him about all of this."

"Yea, I'm weak I couldn't. I just broke things off with him." I would be surprised if he ever wanted to speak to me again.

                We talked for nearly an hour before he said he had to go. "Justin has a show tonight at Madison Square Garden. I will leave your name at will call and they will have tickets and passes for you. Show up. Talk to him. You owe it to yourself before you marry this other guy. Just show up."

My mother was not happy with me when I returned to the house hours later without my dresses. I may be going through with this wedding but it still didn't mean that I wanted to be doing it. Instead of listening to her I vanish to my bedroom. But it wasn't long before she was barreling through my door with dress bags in her hands. "Try them on. All of them. Make sure they fit." She demanded.

I rolled my eyes as I stared at the ceiling, fully dressed, shoes and all laying spread eagle across the bed. "I don't want to be doing this tonight okay. I just want to lay here. I want to do nothing. I want to think about nothing."

"Well this isn't about what you want to do Arabella."

"It never is." I said loud enough for her to hear.

She tosses the dress bags onto the chair, "What is your problem now? You are such an ungrateful child."

I snapped up off the bed, "An ungrateful child? Seriously you want to go there?"

"No, I don't. I want you to try those dresses on."

I jumped up off that bed and walked straight for the door. "It's not always about what you want mother."

I left. I didn't have a clue where I was going to go but I wasn't going to stay in that house any longer. There was too much going on in my head to be in that house. I drove and drove and finally I ended up outside of Madison Square Garden in the city. I parked in the closest parking garage and walked slowly down the street. I stood outside of that will call window for what felt like forever trying to decide if I was going to do this or not.

"Ma'am, can I help you?" the woman behind the glass asks.

"The name's Arabella Kinsey. There is supposed to be a ticket for me."

"Oh yes. Andre just gave it to me. Do you have a photo ID?"

I shuffled through my purse looking for my wallet. I don't know how it was so hard to miss but I managed to miss it five or six passes through the entire purse. Handing her the ID she looks up at me and back down at the picture on the card. "Ok, if you just go through that door and make a left, there is a security guard there that will tell you where you need to go to find them."

I nodded my head, turned and walked through the doors. Going through security and finally make my way down the hallway. I wasn't sure I should be doing this. I wasn't sure if this is what he needs right before a show.

Everyone was rushing around; they were all dressed and ready for the show.

"You made it." Andre says when he sees me walking down the hall toward him.

"I did."

"Unfortunately Justin is about to hit the stage. Go to your seat, watch the show." He turns to walk away then turns back, "Stay for the entire show." He stressed, "Then come back afterwards. I will make sure he stays at the venue and waits for you."

I felt like I was out of place. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I feel lost."

He walks over to me, hugs me... "Sometimes you have to step out of the box to be found."

Instead of telling him to shut up I went to find my seat.

The curtain drops and the crowd goes crazy. Everyone around me was screaming at the top of their lungs. The group of girls next to me begins to hyperventilate. "Oh my God!" was all the kept saying. He has devoted fans that love him dearly. I stood in awe and watched as the he stepped out on that stage. The roar of the crowd never dimmed. He stood still watching the crowd, watching their reaction.

"NEW YORK CITY!!!! How are we feeling?"

The crowd screams even louder, if that was possible.

"I FUCKING LOVE NEW YORK CITY!" he screams with a huge smile on his face...

                I don't think there was anything this man wasn't good at in life. Watching him go from dancing to playing every instrument on the stage, I was a fan. He blew my mind away. He was Justin Timberlake the superstar on that stage. I didn't even feel like I knew him at all. He was greatness.

For the first time in the entire show he pulls out a stool and sits.

"Whew! How we feeling NEW YORK! God I love this city. I love everything about it... " He exhales deeply "I normally at this time in the show do a couple ballads before I end the show and they go over very well however tonight I am feeling a little selfish. I wrote this song last night and I want to share it with you all... Anyways without going into a big dramatic long story I'm just going to play it, this is called "Give You Me" and this is for someone that is not here tonight but she means the world to me... so this one is for Bells." He breaks off... "Let me know what you think New York..."

The crowd got super quiet. I felt like everyone in the room knew I was standing right there. And what Justin didn't even know what I was in that room and I was standing about thirty feet from him.

He rests the guitar on his lap and begins to play.

"My shirt looks good on you... It'll never feel like mine again... And I suppose it's true...

Something starts when something ends... And I can't. We can..."

                He nods his head with the strum of the guitar as he continues to sing.

"It took me you to understand... My old life has found its end... And my world will never be mine again... And I give to you... Everything... And I what've done, yeah love will bring.... I'll give you everything in me... I give you me..."

                The tears are flowing down my face freeing now. His emotion was raw and painful.

"Every night I lost... I would save the lonely twice the cost... The road less traveled on... Loving you here in the dawn... I can't. We can..."

The guitar stops... you can hear a pin drop in this arena right now. All their focus is on Justin and the lyrics he is singing. Without hesitation he begins to sing again acoustically this time, no guitar, just his voice echoing through the venue.

"Something so simple... Still is true... Somehow the reasons ... Left me you and I don't want to think again... Oh noo... I know... Ohh..."

                He stands looking out at the crowd that still is screaming from every direction. He pans over the entire crowd, taking in that moment. "Now that I depressed everyone let's bring the beat back." he turns to his keyboardist "Let's attempt to cheer this crowd up Kevin!"

                I sat in my seat as everyone around me stood during the encore. I had become a Kinsey, I had hurt him. I had hurt the one person that might ever love me in my entire life. How could I have let myself get so close to someone knowing I was going to break their heart? How selfish was I to do that to someone? How selfish was I to do that to him?

                The woman standing on the other side of me bends down and asks, "Are you okay? Does he fluster you as well?"

I smiled at the idea that a stranger who she has never met before and probably never will, could make her feel like that. "I'm okay."

"Alright, just checking." She turns her attention back to the stage then snaps her head back quickly. "You're Arabella... you're Bells. You're his new girlfriend... and I'm sitting next to you making a complete fool out of myself." She was embarrassed.

"You are a fan. Isn't that what fans are supposed to do?" I joked with her.

"Is he really as amazing as he seems?" she questioned, almost hesitate to ask.

"Yes." I answered.

"That song he wrote for you is beautiful. He really loves you."

"Yes, he does." I nodded my head. "He really does."

                The crowd started to disappear quickly as I sat in that seat, off in a daze, which was quickly interrupted by my phone, before I could even say hello I was being yelled at... "Where the hell are you Arabella? If I have to come to your house and drag you back here I will I -"

"Andre, calm down. I'm still in my seat. I'm still here."

Click. The phone went dead.

                I see Andre run out onto the stage. "Come on" he demanded.

I stood and walk towards the stage but I couldn't do this. He deserves love and I can't give him that. "I can't do this. I can't give false hope to him. Did you hear the lyrics in that song? He loves me...  I need to not cause him anymore pain. I need to disappear from his world. I'm getting married..."

"I need you to at least talk to him. I need you to do this for you."

"What's it going to change? No matter what gets said, it won't change the outcome, we can't be together."

"You need to call of this wedding. You deserve the best ... and the best for you is Justin." He took my hand, "Now... let's go."

                He pulled me through the backstage area into a hallway of rooms. His name surrounded me. Every door and every sign had his name on it. Standing in the doorway I see him sitting on the couch in his dressing room. He was heartbroken; his eyes look lost in the mix. There were tabloids and magazines lying on the table in front of him. He must now see what I saw.

Slowly I walk into the room, closing the door behind me. He didn't hear a thing because he didn't move. I sat down next to him, placing my hand on his leg, reaching for his hands that were balled up together. He turned his head quickly and locked his tear filled eyes with mine. He released his hands and wrapped them around my face. "Please tell me I'm not dreaming. Please tell me that I'm feeling you sit right next to me..."

I couldn't say anything. I knew the moment I would try to speak the tears would be nonstop. I couldn't handle seeing that pain in his eyes. I was hurt but I can deal with my own issues, seeing him hurt was something I don't ever want to see.

"Talk to me Bells... please. Talk to me." He pleaded.

"I ca-n't" the water is starting to boil over the edge of my eyelids.

"What's going on with you?"

I look up at this baby blues, "I know that you have moved on Justin, I don't need to be coddled about that. I understand that you have needs and that I have a fiancé. I will be-

He cuts me off. "I haven't been seeing anyone. I have been waiting for you." He picks up the magazine on the table, "Is this what you are referring to?"

I nod my head, "Yes."

"Those are tabloids Bells. Ninety eight percent of the time they are incorrect. That woman," he points down at the picture, "That woman is my PR Agent. She has been spending some time on the road because of all the drama that the press has been feeding lately. If you notice there are no front shots of her in any of these pictures... if there was, people would know who she was instantly. She has been with me for years. If they can run with a story, they are going to do it for as long as they can."

"Why didn't you tell me that you were starting to tour? Why would you hide something like that from me?"

"I didn't purposely hide it from you... with you Bells my career isn't the focal point in our relationship, who we both are, is most important. I didn't think that was so important. Plus you had things to think though..."

"I was going to leave my entire life behind for you. I was going to give everything up for you... of course some information about you traveling around the country, being in a different city every day was something I wanted to know."

"You said... you was going to give up your family... does that mean you are going to marry Gavin?"

"I don't know what I want to do anymore. I don't know anything."

"Do you love me?" he asks, staring directly into my eyes.

"It's not that easy..."

"It's a question, and it's either a yes or no answer. Because Bells I can't keep doing this... I can't handle the ups and the downs like this. You have a choice to make and whatever that choice is you have to be the one to live with it."

"Yes. I love you. I think I may have loved you from the moment we met."

"You have control of your destiny Bells. Take life by the horns and pull it in whatever direction you want."

That was my speech. "How do you know that? How do you know that speech?"

"I was there Bells. I wasn't going to let the love of my life graduate from Medical School and not be there."

"Why didn't you wait to see me? Why did you just leave?"

"I watched you make that speech and you were so poised and so confident... It was a selfish choice. I couldn't stand there and watch you do something I knew you didn't want to be doing. And not just medical school and being a doctor, it was everything. I knew you weren't happy. But I also knew that I couldn't stand alone anymore. I couldn't be the ‘almost' guy." He rubs his hands over his face, the dark circles under his eyes were a sure sign he didn't sleep last night. "I wish I would have never left that voicemail... I was hurt and Bells... I could be your ‘almost' guy for the rest of my life and I would be content with that."

"What do I do now?" I asked.  "How do I give up the love of my life for my family? But how do give up my family for the love of my life? I should be able to have both. I shouldn't have to choose." I started venting, getting louder, "I know they my family is horrible I know that I'm treated like shit by them but they are still my family at the end of the day. What if..." I start to tremble and he takes my hand, "What if I give up my family and you decide you don't love me? Then what? Then I have no one."

"I love you. I don't know how many times I have to say it before you actually believe it but my love isn't something I just hand out. I love you and I'm not going anywhere. I love you..." he says slowly.

I took his face into my hands, slowly presses my lips onto his. He didn't resist at all. I had be this close to him with touching him. I couldn't be in this room alone with him and not want to feel him. I climbed on top of him, easing myself into his lap, kissing every each of his face and down his neck. I wanted all of him. He pushed my face away from his skin, holding it steady in his hands. Looking at me... as if he wanted to say something but instead he stands as I wrap my legs tighter around his waist. He drops me onto the counter slowly grazing the stubbles of his unshaven face against the skin on my neck. "I want to make love you to Bells."

"What's stopping you?" I asked breathlessly.

"This counter." He joked, tapping his palm on it.

"Sorry the counter likes it rough." I joked back as he already had my jeans off and my panties wrapped around his fingers, edging them down my body. Returning to my face I see a part of the Justin I knew back in his eyes. "I love you." I said.

The price she paid for the bloodline changed her life. She cries at night and keeps alive the bloodline. She believes in the bloodline, lives and breathes by the bloodline. With all her might she cries at night and keeps alive the bloodline.

Another year has come and gone. Yet nothing's changed at all.

Life as Dr. Arabella Kinsey-Alexander wasn't exactly how I had pictured it, it was worse. I had trusted my family and trusted that over time I would learn to love him. But still today I can't imagine that feeling with him. I can't remember one single moment in time when I was happy. I thought I had prepared myself for the worst but I was sure surprised when the only part of living was going to work. A job I still haven't found the love for. A job that makes me a lot of money but a job that is just that, a job.

Crying myself to sleep night after night is emotionally draining. I tried to balance my schedule so that I'm only at home with Gavin is at the hospital. I volunteer for every holiday or event that is going on with the families. I blame needing the experience and not wanting to give up any opportunity that comes my way on the reason I am never at family functions anymore. I never wanted to have to walk into a room as his wife. I never wanted to have to ‘put on a show' for people. I was unhappy. I was lonely.

I walked into that eight bedroom empty home thinking I wish it would burn to the ground. I drop my keys on the table near the entrance. Empty. This house was too big for just the two of us. But I will be happy to leave it behind.

I enter the kitchen hoping to find something to eat, I hadn't eaten in days. I knew that there would be nothing but I attempted to look anyways. Hoping that there was something, anything. Each shelf in the stainless steel refrigerator is empty. Doctor's live in this house. We were never here enough to have groceries.  I opted for coffee, again. I stood waiting for the pot to finish brewing.

I graze my fingers along the counter. Memories flooding back.

Justin.

A sad smile came across my face. I missed him.

I hopped up on that counter and rested my hands on the counter on each side of me. I closed my eyes, remember the way he smelled that very first night in the hotel room. He will always smell like that cologne model you would think he would with a mix of a little bit of Jack from when he was at the bar before coming up to my room.

You hopped up on that counter as if you have done that many times before...

I couldn't contain the feelings anymore. His voice running through my head makes me regret everything I have done in the last five years. I begin to sob. I miss the way he used to call me Bells. I miss the way my stomach would do cartwheels but the touch of his skin on mine.

"Ouch.... Stop..."

I turned quickly. I know I heard voices. Panic being to set in when I realize they are noises coming from the upstairs. I knew Gavin's schedule like the back of my hand. Last thing I wanted was to see him. I knew he was working today. I take my phone out of my coat pocket. Dialing 911 into the phone and ready to hit the send button if I needed to I walked up the steps slowly. As I walk closer and closer to the sound I realize that it wasn't an intruder.

I swing open the door of my bedroom to see my husband and a random person in mid thrust. The sight of his naked body makes me cringe. The woman jumps. "Oh my god."

"What the fuck Gavin? In my bedroom? You couldn't have used one of the many other rooms in this house?" I rolled my eyes. I wasn't hurt and I wasn't jealous. I just didn't care.

"I thought you said your wife didn't know we have been sleeping together." She says in a quiet tone, thinking I didn't hear her.

"She doesn't give it up so I have to get it somewhere." He said disgusting me.

"Gavin is sadly mistaken if he doesn't think I have known for years that it's going on. Why do you think I don't sleep with him anymore... I don't know where you have been. And how great of a person you are for knowing he had a wife, regardless of the situation and you continue to have a relationship with him. Great woman you are there." I slammed the door behind me as I said, "Burn those fucking sheets Gavin."

Great way to start the day. I thought.

I knew at this moment that life had changed. Another part of my life has been set into place. What I was choosing to do was the right choice.

And now... now I had to do something I was dreading all night. I had to meet my mother. Not very high on my priority list that's for sure. I showered and headed out of the house. By the time I left Gavin had gone into work.

"How does it feel being married for five years?" My mother asked joyful as we sit down to have lunch at her favorite restaurant.

That was like a bullet through my organ that used to be known as a heart. That part of me died five years ago when I said ‘I Do." Each day is still a challenge. Each day I wake up hoping that it's all been a bad dream. And some days I wish that I wouldn't wake up at all. After so long you get used to the pain and not feel a thing. Everything becomes numb and nonexistent.  Everything about who you really are disappears.

I made the wrong choice. I should have chose Justin. I followed the bloodline instead of my heart. I regret that choice every day. I could be happy right now. I could be in love. Watching Justin's career became a priority for me. I became obsessed with what he was doing in his world. Up until about six months ago when I heard he was engaged. He was engaged but it wasn't to me. The idea that he fell in love with someone as much or more than he loved me shattered that organ. That was the moment I realized I had to do something I couldn't just be here and live this life every day. It happened to be one of the countless times I have caught my fiancé with another woman.

"Trapped." I answered my mother.

She looked up from her plate, with a bit of regret in her eyes.

"I forget what it feels like for someone to care about me." I felt the works hurt as they rolled out. "I forget what it feels like to have the man I love's arms around me..."

Tears begin to well up in her eyes. "Time, Arabella. Time heals everything."

"I filed for divorce." I blurted out. "I should have never done this in the first place. I spent five years of my life in a loveless marriage and watched on the sidelines while my husband slept with everything that crossed his path. You wonder why you don't have grandchildren... ha there would have to be some sex involved for that to happen. Not to mention the fact that I have been on birth control since I was sixteen and that's not going to change anytime soon. Not to mention the fact that I lost the love of my life. I lost the ones person who loved every crazy part about me."

"16?" She said furious. "I thought-"

"Of everything I said that's all you care about." I interrupted her, laying the napkin back on the table I stand to leave. "I am DONE!"

"Honey, you can't file for divorce."

I turn back to her, with fire shooting out of my eyes.  "So this is how you want me to live the rest of my life? I started to get louder. "You are unbelievable."

She grabs my arm to turn me around, "You know I only want what's best for you."

I snap my arm down and rip her hand away from my arm. "Well, this isn't what is best for me. I already talked to the lawyer and he has already drawn up the papers. I can't do this anymore. I tried I really tried.  I tried to do what this bloodline wanted me to do. But I would rather live the rest of my life alone than the way it is being lived now."

"Arabella you know your father won't approve of this."

"I... don't... care" I barked at her. "You and the entire family can disown me for all I care. I'm done."

"You don't mean that. You are jut angry."

"I am angry. I wish I was dead most days. I wish I wasn't living this life anymore. But I mean everything I am saying right now."

"Arabella. You of all people should know how fragile life is. You should never make comments like that."

"Waking up every morning and wishing that I wasn't opening my eyes again is exactly how I feel right now. So please don't stand there and tell me that I should feel like that or I shouldn't make comments like that. It's the truth. I'm done being who you want me to be. It's time for me to be ME."

It's not how many times you've been knocked down; it's how many times you get back up.

Courage is... when you lost your way but you find the strength anyway.

"ARABELLA.WAKE UP!  If you wouldn't have been out all night doing god knows what, you wouldn't be tired today. You wouldn't need a nap. Things are going to have to change with you when you get married tomorrow. You are going to have to become responsible for someone other than yourself in life..." she continues to ramble.

 "I don't need lectures from you." I snapped back at her before it registers what she actually said.

Tomorrow? She just said tomorrow.

I'm not married yet. I haven't made the biggest regret of my life. I jumped up off the bed and ran over to my phone. Pulling it close to my face, scanning down at the date and the time...  I haven't gotten married yet. It was a dream.

Whew.

Oh my god. It was a dream. It was just a dream... or a nightmare. Either way it hasn't happened yet. I have the chance to make a change.

She walks back into my room putting a dress bag on the back of my door. "I'm not dealing with that attitude today. Get dressed; we have to get over to the venue. You are already running behind. Don't do anything fancy with your hair and spend an hour on your makeup. You should have thought about that before you took a nap." She continued to ramble as I only heard selective things she was saying.  "Where were you last night? You didn't come home again? Is that man in town again?"

"I was out last night. That's all you need to know."

"At some point Arabella..."

"Drop it mother. I will make a change. Don't worry about it." A change was coming. A major change was coming.

I put on the dress and I put on the damn shoes she picked out. I grabbed my oversized tote bag and headed out the door. She wanted me to go to the venue, I was going to go.

The venue was beautiful. I had to give my mother and sister credit for that. Nothing about it was me, but it was beautiful. Shades of pinks surround the room. Each row of seats had roses a different shade of pink that gradually gets into a darker pink. The idea of it was genius

"It's about time." Charlotte begins to bitch. "Last time I check the bride and the groom had to be at their own rehearsal dinner." She rolled her eyes at me.

I glared at her but didn't say a word. I was going to hold my tongue. I was going to be the better person. I had to repeat it to myself a thousand times but I was managing to keep my mouth shut.

"Where is my sexy little fiancé?" Gavin shouted from outside of the room.

My body shakes from being disgusted. I stood frozen staring up at the ceiling with my eyes closed, praying to find the strength from somewhere to get through this dinner. If I could get through dinner I could make my exit. I just had to make it a couple hours. I could do this. I can do this... who am I kidding, I can't do this. I can't keep my mouth shut.

My father stands to address the room. "Good evening everyone... thank you for coming to celebrate this wonderful occasion. Let's get started and we will head into have dinner."

Standing at this altar with a bridal party on both sides that I had no input in was uncomfortable. They were all stiff. None of them had any personality. I hadn't chosen a single person that was standing next to me, executive decisions that were not mine to make. I hate how fake they all were. Being a sibling does not earn you the right to stand at the altar next to these people as they get married. The individuals chosen to stand next to you should be who you care about the most in the world, someone that you want to share this with you. I guess that should have started with the groom?

 Sitting at the table in front of this room next to Gavin was gut wrenching. Just the sight of him near me makes me feel ill. But it was ok. It wasn't going to last long.

I felt his hand come across my leg under the table. I pushed it off twice before he reach his hand further under the table, reaching under my skirt and whispering, "How about a pre round?" I shoved his hand off my leg.

I smiled at him, encouraging him a little, and then snidely said, "It's never... going to happen Gavin." I pushed the chair back and stood up. Everyone looked and whispered as I walked out of the room. Grabbing a glass of champagne I gulp it in one shot, reaching for another as I exited the room.

I was going to end up a raging alcoholic dealing with this family.

I couldn't have been alone more than two minutes before my mother was breathing down my neck. I wanted to explode on her. She was my mother and I respected her for that but I wanted to implode on her.

"Arabella, you need to get back out there to your guests."

I exhaled a deep breath, "I can't do this anymore." I said very low to myself.

"I'm not playing your games, you need to suck it up and deal with this." She says.

I sat down on the chair, drink in hand, sipping slowly. "I don't love him. I'm supposed to stand in front of God and all the family and friends and lie to each and every one of them."

"I never told you this, but I had been in love with a guy for almost ten years before I married your father. So I understand the feelings you're going through."

"You were in love with someone other than your husband and didn't marry him?"

"Yes. But I knew my destiny. I knew that I would never marry him."

"How can you just give up on love?" I questioned, "How can you throw away that feeling?"

"You just do what you're supposed to do. I will be glad when you're finally married tomorrow and understand why it has to be done." She sighed heavily. "I wish you would have never gone to Los Angeles. I wish I could take that back. You are not the same person anymore."

"Your right, I'm not the person I was. Los Angeles changed who I am. I will never regret that. Finding love and sharing that kind of passion with someone is something I want. It's something I can't give up."

Not wanting to hear a single thing I had to say she turned to walk out of the room, only to turn back around to look at me, "Sometimes... you have to follow your bloodline regardless of what you feel."

"How can you want me to marry someone that I will never love?  That will never love me back? Someone that will make me unhappy for the rest of my life? How can you want your daughter to never feel real love?" I couldn't do it. I knew at that very moment that I couldn't marry him and I couldn't live their life anymore. Vera's simple speech rang in my head, over and over.

 Sometimes families have to be tested and sometimes they fail.

 "I can't do this." I blurted out. "I can't be you in forty years. I just can't do it. I'm calling off this wedding." It rolled off my tongue with perfect posture.

 "Arabella. Stop being so dramatic." My mother says as she is pulling the glass out of my hand.

 But at the end of everything you have to be the one to live your life.

 "I'm not being dramatic. I'm doing what I want to do for the very first time in my life." I turned to walk out of the room.

 "Arabella, we only want the best for you." She attempts to be sympathetic.

You are the one that has to wake up in this life every morning.

I flipped around quickly, "The best for me is not doing this. The best for me would be leaving and never looking back. The entire family could disown me for all I care. I will not marry him."

"ARABELLA... you will not do this to the family. Is this all over that man you met?"

"Justin has changed my life, he really has but at the end of the day... this is about me and what I want. And what I want is to not do any of this..." I turned and continued to walk away from her, right into the room everyone was patiently waiting on me in.

I walked slowly back into the room, and stepped in front of the room. Everyone has their attention on me. Gavin walks over to take my hand and I rip my hand out of his. The entire room gasps. I pick up the microphone that we are supposed to give our speech into and begin to speak.

"Thank you all for flying in and everyone getting here but unfortunately there isn't going to be a wedding." I saw my father stand up and walk closer to the stage slowly. "I will not stand in front of God and everyone I know or don't know for that matter and marry someone I don't love. Or even someone I could learn to love. Someone once told me that at the end of everything I'm the one that has to live this life and this isn't what I want for life.  This isn't how I want to fill my years on this earth. So I'm sorry if this offends anyone, I'm sorry to my family who is hurt by this but I can't pretend anymore."

                My father has reached the stage and has his angry face one. "Arabella. Stop this madness...RIGHT NOW."

"I'm sorry father, but this is what it is. I will not be marrying Gavin tomorrow. And I have fallen in love with the greatest man in the world..." A genuine smile comes across my face. I loved that man. I was hopelessly in love with Justin.

"Are you referring to that man that came in late to a luncheon that he was a guest speaker at then left before it was over? The same man that has been seeing you even though you have been engaged the entire time he has know you. That man is disrespectful and will never be any part of my daughter's life."

"That man has treated me better in the short time I have known him then anyone ever has been in my life. That man is a better man than Gavin will EVER be. That man is a better man then you will ever be." I was cold and blunt but the words needed to be said.

"Arabella." I my mother offered.

Everyone starts to shuffle around, not exactly sure what was going on. I pulled the microphone back to face. "One more thing before everyone leaves... As of today I will not be practicing medicine. I will not be carrying on the Kinsey legacy." The entire room gasps. That little piece of news shocks everyone more than the news of the wedding being called off.

"I will not stand for this." My father thinks his words threaten me, he has another thing coming.

"I don't care anymore. I will not do anything that doesn't make me happy and practicing medicine isn't one of those things."

With the look on everyone's face I knew it was my time to exit... and I knew there was something else I had to do. I pick up the phone and dial the one person I know I have to speak to.

"Arabella? Is there something wrong?" the male voice echoes on the other end.

"Andre... I need your help."

A weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt free for the first time in my life, so much for living in the United States of America. It took me nearly three decades to get even a taste of freedom. The air is much sweeter tonight as I walked out into it. Discarding the horrible wrap my mother insisted I wear with this dress. I needed to change my clothes. This dress was not going to work for me, to formal. I needed to strip free of the life I'm leaving behind.

I jumped in the front seat of the town car and took Gary by surprise. "Bella... why are you not in there? This is your rehearsal dinner. Your parents are going to be livid-"

"Drive Gary drive!! I will explain." I said quickly cutting him off. Just as he started the car I rambled on about what happened, what I chose, and what I was about to do.

"It's so refreshing to see that sparkle back in your eyes. I missed seeing that."

"I can't believe I'm about to do this." I was nervous.

"Call Andre, he will know exactly what to do and how to get it arranged."

I waited and waited for him to pick up the phone as it continued to ring. I thought maybe he was not going to answer the phone. After all, I promised him I would think of myself and I didn't. I took his advice to heart but I couldn't manage to put one foot in front of another and put actions to the words.

 I left Justin's apartment this morning and I had all intentions of go right back into his arms. But I couldn't figure out how I was going to end the wedding. I didn't want to promise Justin anything before I knew exactly what I was going to do. I knew that I loved him. I knew that I wanted to spend forever with Justin but I couldn't hurt him again. I couldn't pull that rug from out under him again.

I stood over the bed looking at him, watching him sleep. I wanted to watch him sleep for the next fifty years. I leaned down and kissed the side of his face which was covered in stubbles. I loved that scruffiness on him. It was sexy, in only a way they he can make it sexy.

Sitting in the cab I knew my choice of leaving while he was still sleeping wasn't the brightest choice I had made but I had already made it and I was going to prove to him that he was what I wanted and he was the one I wanted to spend forever with. I didn't have to marry him to be happy. I could carry the Kinsey last night the rest of my life and not think twice about his love for me. I knew that no matter what happens from this day forward, our love would never be at question.

"Arabella? Is there something wrong?" the male voice echoes on the other end of the phone.

"Andre... I need your help." I said relived that he answered.

"Anything... are you okay?" he questioned.

"I have never been happier." I expressed.

After hearing what he had to say I agreed to meet him in a couple hours. Nervous I knew this is what I had to do. I had to make sure he knew exactly how I felt. I sat down and wrote some of my thoughts. Word after word the sentences seemed to flow together. I looked down at the sheet of paper and saw the words that expressed all of my feelings. I felt accomplished, and it had nothing to do with being a doctor or a Kinsey for that matter.

I packed up everything I could out of my room. I was going to be gone before anyone knew it. I heard my parents and my sister down the hallway arguing back and forth, their voices getting louder and louder but I tried not to pay attention to anything they were saying. I didn't want any of their words to hurt and change my mind. Even though I was sure it wouldn't make a difference.

I walked down the back staircase to the garage and placed a couple boxes in the car. Luckily I had several oversized tote bags that I filled with as much clothing I could fit. I didn't know how long it would be before I came back to this house, if ever.

My most prized possession these days is a book that I had hid from the world for too long. My sketch book was placed in the bag with my laptop and I was ready to go. I turned to look at the room one last time. Many years have been spent in this room but it was the beginning of something new.

I walked back down that same flight of stairs, placing my laptop bag on the front seat of the car. Turning to pick up the last bag I see my mother standing in the doorway. She had been crying. Her eyes were puffy and she had that shaky voice as she began to speak.

"Where are you going Arabella?" She asked.

"I'm not sure just yet...I can't stay here. I know that my choices are not what you wanted but that's the way real life is sometimes." I paused. I didn't need to explain anything to her. "Andre said I could crash at his apartment if I needed to."

"What about this Justin guy, where does he come into the picture. How does he feel knowing that he has torn you away from your family? Does that make him feel good about himself?"

"I'm going to be with Justin with or without the approval of you. I have found love. Real love and if you can't accept me for who I am and who I choose to be with, I'm sorry but that's something you will have to learn to live with."

"I can't believe you are choosing this guy over your family. I can't believe that this is the option you are choosing." My mother was attempting to make me regret my choice, but I had no regrets.

"For the first time in my life, I have options. And it feels great." I picked up the bag and placed it into the back seat. "I choose Justin. I choose happiness. I choose me."

                "You will regret this choice Arabella. You will regret choosing a man over your family."

I got in the car, rolled down the window. "I know I won't regret it. Because even if something happens with my relationship with Justin I know that I did this all for me. I'm in charge of my own destiny." I pressed the button for the garage door to open and I back out of the driveway.

I slowed down when I saw Gary standing next to the gate. "Love ya Gary! Take care of yourself."

"Bella, don't worry about me. Take care of yourself... I better get an invite to your wedding!" he winks at me.

"It could be years Gary!"

"I will wait years to see you get married. But at least this time it will be because it's what you have chosen!"

I drove out of that driveway and never thought once that I was making a mistake. I knew that this is what I had to do for me.

"Bella, this is Kevin... and this is Dave." Andre introduces me to the guys. "They are going to help you out tonight." They both reached out to me and shook my hand. "So explain to them what you are going to do."

I exhaled deeply and began to speak. They listened to every word I had to say. It was weird to have people that don't know me have such in interest in what I was saying.

A small club in the heart of Manhattan is packed from wall to wall. There was an exclusive show tonight. It was a VIP only show. Only Justin's biggest fans had tickets for this show. The crowd was going to be particularly critical tonight. What was I thinking? I walked onto his stage and stood in front of his microphone as the dark club suddenly draws their attention to the stage. A dim light starts to get brighter and the spotlight is on me. I couldn't believe I was doing this.

This is for Justin... I kept repeating to myself. This is for Justin.

 "Hi everyone." I said awkwardly as a crowd of a couple hundred stare back at me. "I'm Bells." I threw up my hand slightly to acknowledge the crowd, who sat quietly staring at this unknown person standing on the stage that Justin is supposed to be standing on in less than five minutes. "So, I was at this show last night at the garden, which I'm sure all of you were there as well..." I chuckled to myself, "And the performer got on the stage had his guitar in hand and sang to me the most beautiful song I think I had ever heard in my entire life. Now I know I will never compare to him but I wrote a song for him and I would like to play it for you right now. Kevin and Dave are going t o help me out!" I scan over the audience trying to find him before I started it. Directly in front of my about half way through the club stood Justin, with his thumb handing in the pocket of his jeans watching me with a smile on his face. I smile acknowledging to him that I found him. We locked eyes as the music started to play. "This one is for you Lake. I love you."

The room got dark again before a spot light entered my face. Nerves seem to dissipate as I started to tap my foot with the music.

I can't believe I'm doing this. I thought to myself.

"Morning conversations... After making love last night... I feel the way you love me... When you're holding me so tight... The minutes aren't long enough... And forever I hope you'll stay... So much I have to tell you... So much I have to say..."

                He stands still, watching. Listening.

"When I look inside your big blue eyes... I thank god I'm still alive... Please believe... I love that were together... Please believe... I'll stay with you forever..."

                A smile comes across his face.

"Minutes turn to hours... Hours turn to days... I drive myself crazy... Whenever you're away... When I see that smile up upon your face... I know I finally found my place..."

                He starts to walk closer to the stage. I never lost his eyes as he got closer and closer to the stage.

"Please believe ... I love that were together... Please believe... I'll stay with you forever..."

                He had reached the stage, walking up the steps slowly as the crowd begins to cheer. He wrapped his large hands around the side of my face pulling me into his face. "I love you."

"I choose you. I choose whatever craziness that lies around of us. I choose you."

He steps back, "Seriously, it's all over?"

"Every single detail of it..." before I could finish his lips were on mine. He was forceful yet sensual at the same time. The crowd round us began to cheer louder. My feet left the ground as he lifts me up and my legs are wrapped around his waist. "I love you. Please believe me... I'll stay with you forever."

"Extra Extra.... Arabella Kinsey was photographed running out of her rehearsal dinner and into the arms of Justin Timberlake. Looks like they got the fairytale ending. Did Arabella give up the future that had a plan for a four year relationship with Justin Timberlake? Don't say we didn't try and warn you."

Why I choose to watch these programs is beyond me. I never knew they existed before and now I seem to catch them on the television without even looking for them. They never have anything nice to say. Ever. No one can just be happy. If they only knew what my life has been really like. I would give up everything my parents has in stone for me, to spend four amazing years with Justin. They had no clue what it was like being raised a Kinsey.

"Turn that off." Justin said as he yawned. "It's all bullshit."

"They have no idea...-"

He cuts me off. "They only thing those shows are good for is promotion, when they say my name it attaches to everything I do. Other than that it's all crap. Ninety percent of that show is made up bullshit." He was frustrated but he was taking it out on me.

I clicked off the television and began to climb out of bed. Not saying a word to him. I guess I slept on his side of the bed. He pulls me back onto the bed pulling me against him as close as he could. "Let's start this all over... Good morning beautiful." He starts to kiss down the side of my neck, brushing the hair off my shoulders, kissing ever so slightly.

"Good Afternoon..." I corrected him.

"Shit." He snaps up, grabbing his blackberry off the side table and looks at it. "It is afternoon. I can't believe we slept in that long. I have to be down at the venue at three."

"Well on my behalf, I don't think I slept the whole time. I think someone continued to keep me awake most of the night..."

He rolls on top of me, looking directly down into my eyes, "I remember very clearly you begging me not to stop."

A smirk rolls across my face, "He was kinda a genius. He made me want more."

He leans down and kisses me gently, moving from my lips down my neck again resting his head on my chest.  "Is this what it feels like?" he asks.

I looked confused, "What is supposed to feel like this?"

"Complete bliss." He said breathlessly.

"I believe so." I wrapped my arms around him, holding on tight. "I want this feeling to last forever."

"We can make it last forever..."

Laying there I knew there was something I had to ask, I couldn't just let it go. "What is the deal with this four year relationship thing?" I asked quietly. "Why does everyone refer to that?"

"How do you know about that?" he asked confused.

"I googled you."

He rolled off on me onto his back, covering his face from embarrassment. "Please tell me you didn't."

I stood on the bed on my knees, "Oh yes I did... and now I'm like an obsessed stalker freak!"  I began bowing to him, waving my hands in circular motions. "Oh mighty greatness... I bow down to thee."

He pulled me down on top of him. "I'll give you greatness..." He grips my arms above him, pulling me inch by inch closer to him. Kissing me before releasing his grip on my arms and sitting up on the bed. "The media seems to think I have a four year cap on relationships. Which when you look at the past relationship I have had they were all around four years when they ended. But it's not like I say, whelp it's been four years, ya gotta go now." He laughs, "I'm in relationships for the long haul and when I know that it's over and it's just over."

"That makes sense. Sorry that I asked, it was in every article I read..."

"Promise me one thing." He cut in.

I'll admit I was a little scared. "Sure."

"Stay off of Google or any other search engine and stay away from tabloids. If there is something going on in my world, I will tell you."

"I promise."

                With lots to do on the day ahead of me we finally rise out of the bed and shower. Getting ready with a still very horny man in the room was interesting. What normally would take me twenty minutes took me nearly an hour. He kept touching me and kissing me, totally throwing off my routine. I wasn't complaining but we were both going to be late.

 "What's on your agenda today since you're not getting married?" he asked leaning in the doorway of the bathroom.

Gosh, he is gorgeous... I was thinking about what he looked like standing in the doorway and not paying attention to what he was saying. Then it registers what he said. "Hmm I was thinking of spending it dwelling over the life I could have had with him..."

"Well... I can take you over to the church if you would like to. I'm sure things could be rearranged pretty quickly."

‘Funny. You are a funny one Lake." I laugh at him looking up at the mirror, seeing him stand behind me.

"Seriously, what are you doing today?" he asks as he wraps his arms around me, kissing the top of my shoulder.

"I have a meeting at four with my design team."

"You went to the meeting?" his eyes lit up, he steps back and is all jumpy like I just told him he won the lottery.

"I did. And we start on the line today." I continued to finish my eyeliner, making sure it was perfect.

"Are you nervous?" he asked.

I spun around, "Yes. You would think I would be more nervous with walking into an exam room with a pole through a body would be more nerve-wracking but I have never been more nervous than I am right now."

"Pole? Seriously? Damn... well don't be nervous... You are amazing."

I loved hearing that from him. I loved hearing someone that cared about me, telling me that. "I have to keep repeating those words in my head today because I am walking in that room as the inexperienced one."

"You obviously haven't seen any of your sketches because they are ingenious if you ask me. I would love for my woman to be walking in front of me wearing them. They are sexy but yet still sophisticated. A woman can be a woman in your shoes..."

"Ok Lake... enough. That's a lot of pressure."

"Just go in that meeting like you own the place... be confident but mostly stand firm on your ideas. Don't let someone tell you it isn't going to work unless they can prove it to you. There are always going to be people that think they know what's right when they don't even attempt to show you why it won't work."

"You have done this a time or to?" I asked, looking into the deep blue eyes.

"I have done this a couple times..."

I felt a little overwhelmed when walked into a conference room full of people that are glaring at me from every angle. I had to take control and be confident. But I had to start with breathing.

Once I began to speak I realized that I had control and I could do this everything was fine. Explaining to people what I wanted to see from this line and trying to express my love for shoes wasn't so difficult. I had always had that passion for shoes.

There were a select few that contradicted everything I had to say. One being a petite platinum blonde, Holli, she was dressed to the nine in everything with a label. Always throwing out labels and making sure everyone around her was aware she knew the label and owned something by them. "Arabella, it is Ara-bella correct?" I nodded my head at her as she continued to talk. "Could you please tell me how you were from practicing medicine to designing shoes? That seems like they are completely different spectrums of jobs."

"Well Holli, I guess sometimes no matter what you choose to study sometimes your passion out ways everything in life. In my family, you are supposed to be a doctor. That's what people do with their lives in my family. I went to med school, I graduated top of my class, I did everything I was supposed to do. But at the end of the day I wasn't happy. I chose to follow a passion I had and that passion happens to be shoes.

"Oh..." she said annoyed.

I knew she was irritated by be being in the room and I knew that this was the start of her bitchiness so I couldn't hold my thoughts in my brain anymore. "I'm sorry is there a problem?"

She glares at me, "Yes. Actually there is. I find it funny that you are a medical school student who meets Justin Timberlake and suddenly now you're a shoe designer. I guess it is who you know in this industry." She rolls her eyes and turning back to her notebook, scribbling something down.

I was shocked, was she serious? "Are you implying that the only reason I'm standing here today is because I know Justin Timberlake?"

"You don't just know Justin; ha don't try that crap on me."

"Well this is exactly how you should start this new project... I see we are going to butt heads every day." I shake my head in disbelief. "I think you need to either step on board or step off because I won't deal with your negativity on this project."

"Yet you didn't answer the question." She sat up straighter in her chair, crossing her legs.

"Last time I checked, you were working for me and I don't have to answer questions that you obviously think you already know the answer to." The whole room got quiet. "I will not be one of those people that I assume you have walked all over in the past. I will have you off this project faster than you can blink your fake eyelashes at me. These are my designs and will have my name on them." Then it hit me why she was being defensive. When I had lunch with Troy Carter he said there was someone else that was also in talks with to have a line financed but he was only planning on introducing one new line this fall. I guess I won over her and she is now defensive about it. "On to other things... I am open to anyone's ideas and interests, please just let me know. I will be spending a lot of time in the office to get this off and running."

For the first time, I shared the sketches with a room full of people. Each and every shoe was different, yet they were signature to who I was and what I would wear. Every shoe in the line will have a bright blue color sole.

Jack, is the one person who I believe is genuinely interested in this line. He from the moment he saw the sketches was drawn to them. We were bouncing ideas back and forth. He was a standout, an excellent visionary. He stayed after the meeting going over details with me. "What are you naming this line? The Arabella Kinsey Collection?"

I hadn't thought about it yet. I knew the meaning behind the blue soles but I hadn't thought what I would name the entire collection. "I'm not sure yet."

"Girl, you better get moving on that. This line is going to blow up faster than you can get the pictures taken of them."

"I have ideas but I need to rest on it. First thing is getting these started. I have a meeting with the design team tomorrow for the logo and script of the name so I have until then to make a decision."

"What are you thinking?"

"Obviously I could use Arabella Kinsey. But I was thinking I would use Bells. Short and simple."

"Oh that's good. Bells. It has a great ring to it."

"It does but I also like my name. So I was thinking of naming the collection or the brand as Arabella Kinsey. But I would also hate for my last name to be featured in it..."

"Ok well I'm not touching on that situation just yet .... Why ‘Bells' then where does that come from?"

"The love of my life, someone that brought me out of my shell, that made me see life for what it should be, calls me Bells."

"Ohh and who is this mystery man... or woman." He smirks, hoping to get some dish.

"It's a man... His name is Justin...

"Justin is a pretty common name, can I get a last name, maybe I know him."

"Justin Timberlake." I answered.

He drops his pen down on the table, "Shut the fuck up. You're joking right?"

"No." I said confused.

"You're that Arabella Kinsey?"

I felt offended. "What do you mean that Arabella Kinsey?"

"You left you soon to be husband for Justin."

"Not technically."

"Ok." He says nervously. "When were you supposed to get married?"

"Today." I said with a smile on my face.

"Wow, I take it you're not heartbroken."

"Not at all. I think I would have been heartbroken if I married him."

"Alright... um... yea. Ok. If you're happy that's all that matters. And damn... you bagged JT."

"I guess I did."

He looks around the room, still no one. "How he is?" he whispers.

"He's amazing. I couldn't ask for a better man in my life."

"That is not what I meant girl." He says bobbing his head around. "How is that man in bed?"

"I don't actually feel comfortable discussing my sex life with you, I just met you."

"Oh honey, everyone has sex. It's not that big of a deal. Most people don't want to talk about it because it's bad sex."

"Well I am glad I don't have to worry about that."

"There ya go. Spill the info girl!"

"Alright... I think I have to go now..."

"You're going to leave me hanging like that?"

"Sorry Jack. I would love to have this conversation with you but he is waiting for me at the Garden. He has a show tonight." I dropped my sketches into bag and zipped up the bag.

"Fine. We will finish this conversation. Maybe not right at this moment but it will happen."

A long meeting and time away from Justin only made me want to see him more. His last show at Madison Square Garden was taking place tonight and it was a bittersweet night. I knew that he was going to the next city and I wasn't going with him.

The four walls of this conference room had become my new home. Spending days and days alone in that room wasn't the greatest feeling. There were people in and out all day but it wasn't the same. I was alone. I was lonely.

Distance is something I have to get used to. Justin is on tour, I never see him anymore. With my schedule and his schedule, they never mesh well. It's been two weeks since I have seen him. New York has been keeping me busy, working diligently trying to get this line together quickly but efficiently.

My family has completely kept their distant from me. My mother or father had not called me, nor had my brother or sister. I tested my family and they failed, they failed miserably. I know that in the end I made the choice but it doesn't mean that I didn't want the approval of my mother. She was after all my mother. She if anyone is supposed to love and support me. But life as a Kinsey had nothing to do with love and support. The traditions and way of life in the bloodline were not negotiable.

Everything seemed to be going wrong today. Every detail I put my hands on fell apart. With the morning sun rising slowly over the city skyline, I decide to call it a day. I think destroying four complete designs, losing a promoter and having the very first fight of Justin and I's relationship was enough for one day.

I was such a bitch to him. I was so mad at myself for the way I spoke to him. It wasn't his fault. I was irritated and frustrated and took it out on him. I felt bad but I knew there was nothing I could do to take it back, it was already done. The tone of hurt and disappointment in his voice was worse than I ever thought it could be.

Being in his apartment alone was difficult. I should have taken the apartment on the Upper East Side like I had planned on but he insisted that I stay there. There was no reason for me to spend money on rent when his is empty most of the time anyways. I liked that I was saving all that money, because let's face it, I was not working and getting paid. I agreed to only get paid when the line was finished. Truthfully it was better for me and I would profit more that way because of the rights and commission but that was before I had the bombshell dropped on me this morning.

The last thing I ever expected was my family to clear out my bank accounts. I understood that there was a riff there, but they had no right to take away what they had already given me. That was my trust fund and they took it away. I used to not think about money at all but I was faced with the realization that I was nearly broke and living in the most expensive city in the country. I guess lucky for me, I thought something like this would happen. I never thought it actually would, but I had prepared for it. I was never the poster child for this bloodline and I had put all the money I ever made working into a separate account that my parents were unaware of. I was beyond glad that this was the option that I chose; otherwise I would be flat broke with a horrible designer shoe addiction.

Four hours of sleep and I drug myself into a cab and headed to the airport. I think it was beyond my time to get out of the city for a while. My flight to Los Angeles is boarding in just minutes and I will spend the next few weeks there. In this airport surrounded by people staring and guys with cameras taking pictures of me sitting in a chair is annoying. I wanted to be in L.A. but I didn't want to go to L.A. Knowing what I should do I walked back up to the counter and talked to the woman behind the ticket counter.

"I need to change my ticket. I need to go to Denver." I blurted without even thinking about it anymore.

"Ma'am, there is a fee for changing the flight." She expressed.

"I don't care." I really did care; I had to watch what I was doing. But I needed to see him.

I walked down back to my seat and picked up my overnight bag, headed to the new terminal. I had to see him. I tried to call him but he didn't answer. I wasn't surprised I would want to talk to me either if I didn't have to. I left a short message...

"...I know I said this fifty times but I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken my bad day out on you. I miss you. I'm about to board my flight, I just wanted you to know that. I. love. you."

"Welcome to Denver... " the sign read as I walked out of the terminal. Who would have thought I would have ended up in Denver, CO today? It was nice to walk into a airport and not have it filled with press tracking my every move. I freely walked to baggage claim and waiting as the belts start to move. The pit in my stomach has gotten bigger as the moments get closer to seeing him. How would he react to seeing me just show up after my behavior yesterday?

My phone started beeping from missed alerts.

"I'm sorry I missed your call. It's been crazy busy today. Finally it's time to relax before the show tonight. I don't even know if I have the energy for this show tonight. Anyways call me back when you get this."

He never said, he loved me... he never said he understood. How was he going to feel when I randomly just show up?

I was stressing myself out.  I reached my arm up to hailed a cab and the woman next to me bump into me and took the damn cab. Furious I step up to the curb finally got one after ten minutes of attempting to wave down the stupid yellow car.

"Where to?" he asked politely.

"Pepsi Center please." I said annoyed. "I'm kind of in a hurry."

He begins to pull away from the curbside pickup area. "Going to see the Justin Timberlake concert? I have taken a couple people from the airport today to the venue. I take it your family as well?"

Without thinking about anything else I blurted out, "Girlfriend. I'm surprising him with a visit." Then I thought about it and wanted to kick myself. Why can't I just shut up?

"Girlfriend huh? He still hasn't settled down." He shakes his head. "Maybe you will change him."

"Loving him has changed my life. He is amazing. Why does everyone seem to think you have to be married to be happy?"

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you. I was just making conversation."

"Sorry I shouldn't have snapped on you. It's not your fault. I'm sorry."

I really needed to contain myself. I needed to stop snapping on people that don't deserve it my attitude thrown at them. I sat quietly for the rest of the ride. I figured if I didn't say anything I couldn't be any more disrespectful.

I stepped out of the vehicle and realized that I was twenty five hundred miles away from my backstage pass. "Damn it." I said loudly shaking my head. I should have it with me at all times. I knew exactly where it was. I stood outside of the venue thinking how the hell am I going to pull this off without calling him? Maybe I should just call him? Andre! I thought perfect Andre! I sent him a text.

"Andree, I need your help."

He immediately calls me. "What's up babe?"

"I left my pass in NY and I'm in Denver trying to surprise Justin with a visit. I'm not very good at this if you can't tell."

"Just go to the back entrance, give them your name. You are on a permanent list. They will give you a temp pass. You will be fine!"

"Are you not here?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"No, I'm in L.A. in the office trying to get the 2nd leg of his tour fixed. There were some dates that needed adjusted."

"2nd leg? How long is that going to last?" I asked.

"It's probably going to be around forty-forty five more dates."

"So a couple months?"

"At least. A lot of the dates are overseas. It takes longer to get to each city there. So the dates are more spread out."

I would have to give up Justin for several more months. I was super quiet as I stood on the side of the building leaning against the cement as the sidewalks began to get fuller and fuller.

"Arabella..." he said breaking the silence, "You will learn to deal with your schedules. It's not always going to be like this."

"I know, I just miss him. I have never needed someone the way I need him. And right now I have no one so I really need him"

"You know I am always just a phone call away."

"I know. But everyone's busy and I wouldn't want to be a burden to anyone."

"Honey you mean the world to me. Never thing that. Now get inside and see Justin. It will make you feel better." Only if he knew what kind of person I have been for the last couple days.

The inside of the venue is super quiet except for a piano coming from inside on the stage. They said Justin was doing pre-sound check and didn't want to be interrupted but I don't listen very well. I walk in through the side entrance of the stage and found myself sitting there watching him play. The passion that's in his eyes when he is playing is breathtaking. He feels every word he sings.

His eyes were closed, and his hands slowly moved over the keys, "Now if you're ever wondering... About the way I'm feeling ... Little girl there ain't no question... Just to be around you is a blessing... Sick and tired of trying to save the world... I just wanna spend my time with you girl... What you give me lets me know I'll be alright...."

I would like to think that the words he is singing are about me but that song was wrote long before he met me. He hasn't performed it live in a long time but he must have added it to the set tonight.

"Cause if your love is all I had in this life... That would be enough until the end of time... Rest your weary heart and relax your mind... Cause I wanna love you girl until the end of time..."

His voice echoed through the venue, bouncing the sound of his voice right back down at me.  His eyes were still closed, singing with complete emotion. "Ohhh ohh ohh yea... Ohhh ooh ohhh ohh ohh yea... Ohhhh ohh ohh ohh oh oh yea... "

                God I loved that man.

He stop playing the piano, dazed off into some other place when I started clapping very loudly from the darken spot I was sitting in. He looks up quickly but can't figure out who it is. He stands up and walks toward stage left, walking right towards me. I stepped out of the darkness and into the light.

"Bells!" He said with such joy before rushing into my arms.

I wrapped my arms around him tight. "I'm sorry ... I missed you." I said before resting my lips on his. His hands were placed over the side of my face, pulling me in slowly. He deepens the kiss as his hands slowly went from the small of my back to removing my shirt over my head.

"I love you." He says again, as he pins my hands over my head, pushing me against the wall.

The cold air-conditioned room has left the cement wall ice cold as my bare back is pushed against it. Chills run down my body, goose bumps cover every millimeter of my skin. The burning in my stomach has fluttered through my entire body. His hands glide over my chest, squeezing very gently over my hardened nipples, as his grip gets tighter the flutter turns into radiating heat. I flip open his belt, undoing his zipper, pushing his jeans to the floor. He kicks them from out underneath his feet. He reaches or my jeans, latching his thumbs in the belt loops as he pulls then down slower than I thought he would. Just as the jeans are at my feet I shake them off my feet and leap up off the ground wrapping my legs around his waist at the perfect spot. I slide down on him, locking my arms tightly around his neck, begin to thrust my hips down on his, up and down, very quickly we have the motion perfect. His tongue was moving around mine in a slow constant circular motion. I stayed attached to his hips as I began to have the wave of ecstasy run through my body. We knew each other's bodies so well that it was the same time when we both hit the spot. We were both hitting ecstasy at the same time. I watch the beads of sweat start to trickle down his neck. I press my lips to his neck causing him to throw his head back, showing the Adams apple in his neck as the skin stretches, a wave of pleasure runs over his face. A smile lightened his face as he lifted his head back to level.

The smile he has on his face, as he brushes the hair out of my eyes, resting his hands on my cheeks he pushes my head down slightly and kisses my forehead, was the most indescribable feeling. He seemed happy and not the depressed guy that was here just twenty minutes ago singing his heart out.

"So, how are you?" Justin asked as we gathered up out clothing and put them back on.

I cannot believe that I just had sex with that man in that arena with the potential of a hundred stage crew people watching. I laugh at myself. He leans in and kisses the side of my neck. "What's so funny?"

"We just totally had sex in here." I pointed at the empty seats around us.

"You didn't realize that... earlier? Maybe when I had your legs wrapped around my waist and thrusting you against the wall."

The thoughts flutter through my brain. "Actually, no. I wasn't really thinking of anything besides ... you and me."

He wraps his arms around me, pulling me back closer to him, kissing my neck so sensually that it makes me want to take advantage of him, again. "That's a good thing." He mumbles.

"It was worth it that's for sure. Let's just hope no one saw." I was slightly embarrassed.

"They stage was closed to everyone." He starts to kiss further up the neck and closer to my lips. "I threw a tantrum earlier and said I needed alone time. Every door was locked."

He came right over my lips, licking slowly across the length of my lips, "You threw a tantrum, I would have never guessed." I laugh as he bit down on my lip. "Ouch." I expressed.

"Sorry." He says, rubbing my lip gently with his finger. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"It's ok... I guess... I just wasn't expecting that... " I laughed.

He took my hand and led me down the hallway. Stopping every couple minutes to answer some random question about the show to the crew, finally ending up in his rest area before the show or as everyone else has been calling it, "The Timbershack." When I first heard that is what they called the room I was a little worried, was my boyfriend having too much fun in this shack? But then I realized very quickly that the only thing he does in this room is relax and get ready for the show.

He looked tired and exhausted. Hell I was exhausted after the moment we just had but he looks like he has been tired for days. He plops down on the couch, "So, how are you? What brings you to Denver?"

I sat down on the table across from him, "A booty call." I winked at him.

He laughs, "I'll take that call anytime!"

"I missed you." I took his hand back into mine. "I had a horrible couple days and I was at the airport just about to board my flight when I saw there was a flight leaving at the same time to Denver. I changed the flight quickly and jumped on the plane. I needed to see you."

He pulls me off that table and onto the couch to sit next to him on the couch, my back laying on his side. "I'm glad you did. What happened to make you have a bad day?" He kisses the top of my head. I can feel his heart racing under his chest.

"First, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken it out on yo-"

He cut me off. "No apologizes for that. I understand."

Caught off guard I was quiet for a moment, I had really found a great guy. "Well I ruined several designs and actual samples... I just ruined them..."

"That's what the design process is for. There will be a lot of those issues and a lot of fixes."

I dropped by head disappointed just thinking about the stupid things I had done. "I lost a promoter... and"

He was calm, and never thought twice about tell me what he though. "That's going to happen more times than you can count. Don't stress over it. Another one will come along."

"You have an answer for everything don't you?" I asked sarcastically.

"Yes I do." He said firmly. "What else happened?" He sits gliding his fingers through mine. Intertwining mine with his.

"I'm broke." I laugh. It was funny, but it really wasn't.

"What do you mean you're broke? I'm thinking... every... one... of your limbs moved pretty well to me." He says with his typical smirk on his face.

"No that is all perfectly fine... thank God. I'm broke, like I have no money. My parents cleaned out my bank account."

"They did what?" his body stiffens underneath me.

I scooted up to look at him. "I went to the ATM this morning to get money before I left and it was empty."

He was pissed and shocked. "What do you mean empty?"

"The balance was $0.00. Like there's nothing in there." I laughed.

"Oh. Well I have money you don't have to worry about anything."

"I don't want your money. That's not why I'm telling you this. My parents shouldn't have done that."

"I know that. I don't want to worry about something stupid like money." That's easy for him to say. After my little Google search of him I know that he has more money that my entire bloodline put together. Money was never going to be an issue for him. Ever. His kid's kids will never have a worry.

Tears start to roll down my face. It really had nothing to do with money. I got up quickly rushing into his bathroom, closing the door behind me. I leaned my arms on the door, bracing myself up.

Get yourself together. You can do this. They failed, you didn't.

"Bells... are you okay?" I heard Justin asked through the door, I let go of the pressure on the door, allowing for him to come in. I slumped down on the floor, he kneels to my level wrapping his arms around me. "Everything will be fine; you don't have to worry about anything."

"They are my parents Justin. They should have been my parents..." I barely got out.

"Oh..." he now realizes that I'm not upset over the money.

"They are my parents. They are supposed to love me no matter what... how is that so difficult? How can you not want to see your child happy?"

"There are things in life you can't change..." He begins to speak in his mature and intellectual voice, "And unfortunately one of those things is your parents. I wish they could see the person that you are... because the Bells that I know, is the most amazing, kind hearted, beautiful person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. You really are amazing..."

I pulled him in closer, "I love you. I need you to pull me back to reality." I stood wiping the tears from my eyes and exhaling deeply. "I'm here in Denver with the love of my life... I'm not going to dwell over a family that will always be distant from me."

"I hope one day they accept who you are and they can be a part of our lives. I would love that for you."

"It's funny how you think you don't need someone until they are gone. I don't miss the rules and the Bloodline but I would like to have my mother in the room when my shoes are on display for everyone to see. I would like her approval of the things I have chosen to do with my life."

"Things could change in time. This has all just recently happened. As strict and traditional as they are, I'm sure they were embarrassed and need time to cool down, adjust to the new normal."

I pulled him into my chest, looking up at him. "I love you, you do know that right?"

"I do." He says as I imagine what it would feel like to have him say those words in front of our family and friends. Saying ‘I do' in front of our friends and family, having the most beautiful wedding, raising our children, living happily ever after .... "Bells... hello? Are you in there?" he jokes.

I snap out of my fantasy world. "Sorry."

"Where did you just now, paradise?"

"Something like that." I laughed.

Moments with Justin like these are scarce, we needed to enjoy the time we do have together. I had to fly to L.A. in the morning. Justin had to be in the next city and I had meetings all afternoon. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay with him.

I walked with him into the meet and greet before the official sound check. The room was filled with anxious and eager fans. I could see some nervously shaking their leg, tapping on their hand on the chair, and fidgeting with the pass they were given. He was walking into a room of people that were going to think their lives are complete now. It was a scene I was glad I got to see. I stood in the background watching each fan walk up to him giddy with excitement, with the biggest smiles on their faces. The love and respect he gets from his fans was phenomenal. It makes me wish that I hadn't wasted the last eight years of my life in medical school and would have gotten more involved with life in general. I wish I would have been able to be a fan of his music and know him as the artist before I met him. Now I have a hard time looking at him as this music superstar while he is on stage. I look at him as the guy who makes the butterflies go crazy in my stomach. He is the guy that has made me very happy.

Finally he graces his presence on the stage. I watch as the lights focus on the stop he will make his entrance on. I can't help but see a group of people screaming at the top of their lungs, jumping up and down in the very spot that Justin and I had sex in not even five hours ago.

I cover my face with embarrassment. "Only if they knew" I mumbled to myself.

Money ain't the villain; it's greed that's the killer.

                I lay stiff on the bed. I could feel every single muscle in my thighs aching. I guess the whole I need to have sex right at this moment in an arena full of empty chairs leaping into the air latching my legs tightly against his body; holding on for dear life wasn't such a great idea.

Who am I trying to kid? It was so worth it.

                I look over to see Justin, lying naked next to me. His bare chest exposed, his perfectly sculpted abs peaking out underneath the blanket, causing butterflies in my stomach simply thinking about him. How did I get so lucky? I watched his face, the way he smiled in his sleep, the way his eyes would flicker... as creepy as it sounds, I loved to watch him sleep.

My body is used to being up by now. I was fidgeting and moving around on the bed. Instead of waking him up I decide it was time to shower before I had to leave for my flight. I ordered room service and stood watching the sun glisten off the mountain tops on the balcony with coffee in hand. It must be amazing to wake up to a different view every morning. I mumbled to myself.

I wasn't used to having my phone attached to my hand at all times. That was never who I was. So when I heard my phone buzzing off the table, I didn't expect to see twenty two missed phone calls, over half of them were from Jack. The others were all from the hospital. I could only assume they were calls from my father or my mother. Whoever it was didn't leave one single voicemail; I guess it can't be that important.

                As I began to call Jack back the number from the hospital is calling again. I didn't want to answer it but I knew that it could be anyone with any kind of news. I exhaled deeply.

"Arabella Kinsey." I answered the phone.

"I see you haven't dropped the last name yet. I guess that's a good thing."

I rolled my eyes at his response. "Good morning father."

"Good morning Arabella..."

The silence was awkward and deafening.  "So..." I said.

"I'm not going to small talk with you Arabella. You have made a choice that I don't approve of. I have made some decisions of my own that I wanted to share with you. If you weren't already aware, I removed your trust fund and removed you from the family will. Having the privileges of being a Kinsey is no more for you. I hope this guy of yours is worth everything you have given up. Everything -"

I interrupted him, "Why is it so difficult for you to accept that I just wanted to be happy, genuinely happy and not just in a marriage to be in a marriage."

He wasn't having this conversation with me, or at least he didn't want to. "Arabella, sometimes you do things in life because you're supposed to. Sometimes you don't always get to do what you want to do."

"Funny thing is... I never did what I wanted to do. I followed every rule and every line in every book. At the end of the day I would have rather been dead than be involved with that Bloodline anymore. I couldn't cry myself to sleep anymore. I just couldn't do it. You may not believe this but my choice to leave was not because of Justin. I left because of me. I needed to break free... for me."

His deep stern voice blurted, "Arabella... you need to realize that you are dead to me. I had given you everything in life." His words hurt, his words felt like a knife through my heart. "The reason I was calling today was not to have a nice little chat with you. I wanted to inform you that all your medical school expenses are being transferred to your name. You are now responsible to pay back every dime of your tuitions and expenses. I need a forwarding address and since this boyfriend of yours is such a major celebrity I can't find his address."

I was surprised my father couldn't get that address. He normally got what he wanted, no matter what it was. "I will email you his mailing address. I'm not worry about paying the bill, that's perfectly fine."

"Where are you going to get the money from Arabella? You gave up practicing medicine."

"That's none of your business. I will handle the expenses of medical school. I'm not worried about it at all."

"Well. Take care Arabella."

"I'm dead to you. Remember that." I hit the end button; I wanted to have the last words for him. I wanted him to know that I don't regret the choice I made. If he wanted to think of me as dead, then he got exactly what he wanted.

I threw my head back with my eyes closed, looking up at the sky, inhaling the deep thick morning air through my lungs. I hated that man. I hated everything about him, including the fact that he was my father.

I felt the warmth of a half naked man wrapping his arms around me, pushing his scruffy face against the side of my neck. "Babe, are you okay?" he whispers in my ear.

I turned slowly to face him. I placed my lips on his, pulling him as close to my body as I could. I rested my head against his, gripping the back of his head. I wanted to cry. I wanted to burst the lining and get it over with, but I couldn't do it. "I'm okay." I wasn't going to let him have that satisfaction.

He squeezed my body tighter, wrapping his long fingers into my hair, "I love you Bells..."

That's what I needed. That's all I needed. "I love you Lake."

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" He asked politely as we finally pulled away from each other.

I walked back into the hotel room, "My father is forwarding my medical school tuition and bills to me, so I can pay them. He also says that I am dead to him." I toss the suitcase on the bed, pulling out clothes I need.

"I'm so sorry." He takes my hand into his, pulling me back close to him.

"Don't be sorry. I made this choice, now I'm paying the consequences but the consequences gave me you ... that's fine with me."

"I will pay for those loans. I'm not worried about the money."

I dropped his hands pushing myself away from him, "Justin you are NOT paying for my medical school. I will handle it. I have some money saved. I will find out how much it is and just pay it."

"I don't have a problem paying for it-" he stood there staring into my eyes, wanting me to need him.

"Justin. Stop. You are not paying for it. Don't even think about it. Get that entire idea out of your head. It's not going to happen."

"We are going to be together forever. Why can't I just pay for it? Why can't I do this for you?"

"I love you. I really love you but I don't want your money." I let go of him and turned to walk back into the room.

He takes my hand, pulling me back in front of him. "I never said you did. I'm offering to pay for it. It's something you won't have to stress about. I want you to focus fully on the task at hand."

"What task is that exactly?" I pulled him closer, capturing his lips onto mine.

"This..." he says breathlessly "Yes... defiantly this task..."

He watched as I packed my suitcase back together, when I zipped the suitcase up he knew it was time for me to leave and I knew that this was going to be more difficult than it would be to have not seen him at all. I watched his face, it was bittersweet in his eyes. He was happy but he was sad.

"I don't want you to leave."

Those words hurt worse than my father saying I was dead to him. "I don't want to leave, but I have to. You have to get to the next show and I obviously need to finish this shoe line very quickly. I have bills to pay." That was something I needed to get used to. I have never been responsible for paying a bill in my life. "I have to go. The car is here to pick me up."

"I don't want you to go."

"Lake, don't do this to me." I began to have water filling my eyes. I felt the emotion of leaving him and it was too much to bear.

He walked over to me, wiping the tears that slid down my cheeks with his thumbs. "I love you... God I am so lucky to have you..." he started to caress the side of my face, lifting my chin up and pulling my lips onto his. He steps back and rushes over to his bag, "I forgot to give you something."

"Why did you buy me something? You didn't have to do that."

"Hush... I didn't really buy you something I kind of already had this." He dug further into his bag. Exposing a small white plastic bag, he reaches his hand in and pulls out something silver. "I cancelled your hotel reservations for while you in Los Angeles, this morning."

I began to panic. "Justin... where am I going to stay when I get there? I am getting on a plane in less than two hours?"

"Breathe, beautiful... breathe." He lifts his hand into the air right in front of my face. "This is for you."

He lays it in the palm of my hand. "I... I..." I was stunned, "Is this...?"

"This is the key to my house. I want you to stay there. "

"I can't be in your house without you there."

"Why can't you? It's just a house. And it's been fully remodeled."

"It's your house."

"And now, it's ours."

"Ours?" I asked, confused.

"This is not how I wanted to do this... ugh... um... Bells, would you like to move in with me? In L.A..." he began to ramble, talking really fast. "It won't be for a little while because of the tour but I just think that there is no point in us spending more time apart than we already do. I want to come home to you every night and I want to wake up next to you every morning. I -"

I pressed my index finger over his mouth. "Yes."

"YES?" his eyes lit up.

"We basically live together now. It's not going change much."

"It's different." He says.

"Yes. Very different. I have to go. I really have to go now."

His grip around my body was tight but he eventually let go so I could get to the airport. The car was sitting at the pickup lane when I got outside of the hotel. Justin wasn't even dressed yet, well he had on basketball shorts and a white tee but he wasn't dressed for what popped out behind the tree and took pictures of us saying goodbye.

"I'm sorry for all this..." he points at the random guy now standing five feet from us. I wish I could control it."

"Don't worry about it. It comes with the territory. And I'm pretty fond of the territory. I love you."

He kisses the side of my face, "I love you. See you next week."

                I climbed in the back of that town car alone. Rode to the airport alone. Face the cameras on the other side of the terminal alone. I walked into his house, alone. And I watched another piece of my life unfold on the television in the conference room, alone.

"FAMILY FEUD-Not just a game show for Arabella Kinsey." The female voice narrating the opening line says. "She has broken the family into two or maybe I should say she stands alone now, with Justin Timberlake by her side. She called off her arranged engagement to longtime family friend Gavin Alexander just the night before the wedding, which caused her family the final rift. She chose Justin and they are not happy with that decision. Sources close to the family are saying that she has no contact with her family and they have removed her belongings from their home. Watch out Justin, she is looking for a place to live..."

                I turned the TV off dropped my elbows onto the table and buried my face into my hands.

"Honey you better get used to that." I looked up to see Jack bobbing his head around, "That nice hunk of meat you call a boyfriend is the biggest name in the industry. He could not release music for five years and still have the cameras following his every move... oh wait that has happened."

I laughed at him. "This is all new to me. All this attention and focus on my life is unheard of for me."

"You are dating Justin freaking Timberlake. You should have known walking into this relationship what you were getting yourself into." He dropped his Louis Vuitton bag on the table.

I got quiet. I really didn't want to admit that I was the bookworm who had not the faintest idea who this man was when I met him. "Yea... ok..."

"What? Come on you had to accept a life change, just simply knowing him."

Screw it. I guess he should learn who I am now, rather than later. "Actually. I didn't know this is what my life would be like when I met him. Because well... I didn't know who ‘Justin Timberlake' was when I met him."

"Ok, try a different one of me. Everyone knows who Justin is." He rolled his eyes as he removed his laptop from the bag.

"I didn't, seriously. I spend my entire life preparing to become a doctor. My parents were really strict and I somehow just didn't know who he was."

He looks at me, looks away then looks back at me, "You're not joking."

"No." I said chuckling at myself "I sat next to him at lunch and didn't have a clue who he was. He introduced himself, but the name meant nothing to me."

"Damn girl, you lived a sheltered life."

"I did. But let's get to work."

                With everyone's enthusiasm in this project it made me more confident. The Los Angeles office seemed to be more willing to just get down to business. There wasn't the jealousy or the snide comments, they wanted to get this line done and see the results of the designs. We were on the same page. As much as I have always loved living in New York City, it was time to relocate. It was time to make this happen.

In the six days that I have been in Los Angeles, I haven't got to enjoy one moment of it. I have been in the design studio from sun up to sun down. The great news to come out of working every moment of daylight is the first eight designs were sent off to the manufacture this morning. It was an accomplishment, not all eight pair will work for the line and may not come out at all but there was an official start to the process. I walked out of that office with a smile on my face.

Walking in Los Angeles was nothing like walking the streets of Manhattan. Everyone walks in Manhattan, here everyone drives their hundred thousand dollar Mercedes' and Range Rover's to go three blocks. It didn't make much sense to me. Broadway here was not the Broadway I was used to in NYC.

The sun beating down on my almost bare shoulders was something I could sure get used to, the twenty cameras shoved in my face as I walked down the street, was something else I will never get used to. I tried to avoid them as much as I could but sometimes it's overwhelming and I want to walk into a store without the fuss of them being in the way. I felt worse for the innocent people who have to deal with the mess that I'm causing. They haven't chosen this and I sorta have.

I stumbled into a music store on Broadway hoping to find something to entertain me for the night. The rows and rows of CD's lined in never ending rows caught my attention. Specifically a blue industrial looking cover, with a man in a black hat tipped sideways.

Above the section of CD's a sign read:

Bring Sexy Back into you collection.

I chuckled to myself as the sales person walks over to me. "Ma'am is there something I can help you find?"

"Actually... can I get all the albums that include Justin Timberlake?" I asked shyly. It felt weird asking for albums with your boyfriends face on it.

He laughed, gave me a slanted eye look, "Do you realize how many album's that is?"

"I'm sorry I don't, how many?"

"Just off the top of my head, roughly thirty albums... maybe forty. I would have to do research to get them all."

"There's no way he has recorded forty albums. He isn't that old." I said that thanking god that he wasn't standing there when I break out and ‘old' comment.

"Oh you are just wanting full length albums of his..." he shuffles through the rack.

"Well, I guess... yea. Is there seriously that many albums that he is on?"

"Oh yes. He has down some amazing production for lots of artists. He is an amazing producer."

I smile came over my face. "Oh..."

He takes one out at a time, "Do you not know who Justin Timberlake is?"

"Well yes... I know him personally, just not professionally."

"Umm ok..." He was confused; instead of asking to explain that comment he picks up the stack of CD's. "Well these are all the CD's. I have some DVD's of him as well if you're looking for some research material."

"Sure. I will take whatever you have."

The last straw of the day came about twenty seconds after I walked out of that music store. Ok not literally but hearing strangers scream questions at me was not something new, but when the questions are not being answered some photographers get angry. And with anger comes the violent side of some people.

Just steps away from my car the man asks, "How does living in Justin's coat tails feel? I hope it's worth betraying your family. I hope that fool is worth the cost." I rage inside of me wanted to hurt him, the rage was building every step I took. I didn't say a word, I continued to walk. My face very quickly became a shade of deep red. I was so angry. I turned the corner seeing Justin's car in the view now.

The pack of photographers close in on me. They wanted closer shots and wanted questions answered but I wasn't giving them anything. "Bitch, you could answer my questions. I know you can hear me." I closed my eyes, hoping he would shut up but before I knew it I felt a jolt of pressure and the hot cement brick against my body. My arm had taken on the wall and I instantly felt the pain run through it. I turned back quickly to see which one of those guys had shoved me into the wall, but he was gone. He had bolted so fast. I could see him, khaki shorts and blue t-shirt fading in the distance. One of the gentlemen that had been following me all day helps pick up the bag of scattered CD's on the ground. "I'm so sorry..." he kept saying. It wasn't his fault. I wasn't sure why he kept apologizing. "Are you okay?" he asked as he handed the bag to me.

"I'm fine." I was still shocked this had all just happened. I was stunned.

"As long as you're ok, if your hurt you should-"

I cut him off, "I'm fine. I just want to leave."

I felt the throbbing in my arm but I knew it wasn't broken. If anything there would be a nice bruise there tomorrow. Great. I thought. How am I going to explain that to Justin? I climb in the car, look down and see the redness starting to surround my entire lower half of my arm. I take my hand and rub over the bones to make sure there was nothing broke. I got lucky I guess. It could have been worse.

I contemplated calling Justin and making light of the situation, but I knew that if he knew what happened today it would just piss him off. He wasn't the biggest fan of the paparazzi following him around, let alone them following me around. He would be home tomorrow and I would deal with the issue then. I popped in one of his CD's on the ride home, listening to it diligently.

When I pulled into the driveway I see a car that I don't know, not that I know anyone's cars here but I wasn't expecting any visitors. Justin had said nothing to me about anyone stopping at the house. I climb out of the car and walk up to the door. I open it to find a man about my height standing in the entry way with his back towards me, putting something into the closet.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

He turns and I finally see his face, "I could ask you the same question." His dark hair and dark piercing eyes looked back at me. "I take it your Bells?"

"Yes. And you are?"

He extends his hand out towards me, "Trace. It's nice to officially meet you, finally."

His ‘friend' Trace, I laugh at my own thoughts. "I met you already actually... at the dinner... where I met Justin."

"Oh yes, I remember. We just never actually got to talk and meet each other."

"That's true. My father threw a fit and I left the table. Sorry about that."

"Oh honey, don't make excuses for him. He was the disrespectful one. He shouldn't speak to you like that."

"We may actually get along." I laughed. I wanted the change the subject of my father. "I'm going to make something to eat, you want join me? That is if you don't have plans or anything."

"Sure, I can hang out for a little while. I'm done for the day after I unload the boxes out of my car for Justin."

"Oh work stuff?" I questioned. Everything seemed to revolve around work in Justin's life.

"Yes. It's the samples of the new line. He is supposed to review them when he gets home tomorrow."

"Do you need help?"

"No, I can handle it." He turned back towards the door.

"Good, because I wasn't going to help you anyways." I laughed and walked towards the kitchen.

The kitchen which had been completely remodeled was spacious and open. Each piece of dark mahogany wood detail in this room was perfectly placed throughout the room. Opening the stainless steel fridge to find stocked shelves, I had bought groceries when I first arrived in L.A but I didn't have the chance to cook anything. I have survived on salads from the Ivy that were delivered to the office for the last week. I was going to eat a high calorie, high fat, high carbohydrate meal tonight. I had planned on eating everything I could handle in one sitting.

I placed a newly purchased CD in player in the kitchen. Filling the space with the soothing voice I wanted to hear so badly. I pulled out a couple steaks that I had been saving for when Justin got home to cook. I was craving the idea of a steak so I would have to pick up more from the butcher in the morning. I fired up the grill in the kitchen, getting it nice and hot. The steaks were prepped and ready to be cooked already in the package, which made things a lot easier for me to handle.

All the years I spent secretively in the kitchen watching our butler cook, served a purpose. I will never be able to cook like he did but he taught me things I would have never learned without him. My mother didn't cook, she never had to. I hid many times in the pantry next to the kitchen from my mother. If she would have known I was in there, it would have been the disgrace to the family somehow. Standing in this kitchen freely today felt amazing. For the first time being in the kitchen cooking wasn't breaking a rule.

I danced freely around the kitchen to the beat of the song, kicking off my heels near the island. The simple idea of future sex love sounds made my body want him even more. His wording was genius. He knew exactly what to say to make every single sexual. I removed everything else I needed from the refrigerator, gathering it up in my arms, placing one by one on the counter. With free hands, I graze my hands on the counter, closing my eyes I almost put myself back into the moment...  

His long thick eyelashes grazing against mine.... his face curving to make perfect access to my mouth, his tongue started to work a slow circular motion around mine, deepening the kiss. His hands ever so slightly grab a hold of my ass and pushing me closer to the edge of the counter, never parting his lips with mine. His lips felt like fireworks on the Fourth of July...

I needed to feel him.

My hand was down and my hands were still pressed against the counter when Trace walks in the kitchen. "Bells, are you okay?"  he asked.

"Yes." I said quickly, snapping out of my thoughts, standing up straight. "Just remembering... something." I walk over to the sink and wash my hands.

"Oh. I don't think I want to know" He flips his head towards the music playing in the background. "Is that.... That Justin's CD..."

"Yes! I went to this music store this morning on Broadway and found all of his albums! They are really great." I sounded like a teeny who just purchased the brand new record the day it came out after waiting five long years for new music.

He stared at me, I was a little nervous at what he was thinking about. "He wasn't lying.... He said you had no clue who ‘Justin Timberlake' was."

"I didn't. I'm actually a fan of the music now. The whole, green person caught me off guard on the last album but damn his lyrics are sexual explicit and I love it." My eyes lit up.

He shakes his head. "I thought at first that you were lying about it. But you're serious."

"I have no reason to lie." I placed the freshly cut potatoes in the sink, turning the water on.

"Well that's a great thing because I think he really loves you and I don't know if I could handle another Jessica or Britney is his life."

I turned back to him, "Who?"

He laughs at me, "This is something I have to get used to. Normally everyone that comes in contact with him knows everything about him already. Fact or fiction they already know."

"Oh well sorry I don't know who either of those people are."

"Those are two of his ex's."

"I take it they weren't so good for him."

"I will just say, put in the Justified album and listen to the track called ‘Never Again' That will explain it."

"The one with the blue cover?" I nodded my head, and made a mental note.

He laughs again, "Yes, the one with the blue cover."

I punched him in the shoulder, "Don't make fun. That's not nice."

"It is funny actually."

                I reached over to grab the first steak, "How do you like your steak?"

"Med rare." He answered, before grabbing my arm gently, pulling it up for him to see. "What is this from?" he got defensive.

I shook my arm loose. "Nothing. No big deal."

"That's a serious bruise for it to be nothing."

"Trace, seriously... no big deal. Wrong place, wrong time."

"I thought you had no reason to lie." He said cocky.

I dropped my head. Shit. I didn't want to lie about this. It was stupid, pointless and would cause an enormous issue I didn't want to deal with. "Someone bumped into me today."

"Bumped into you hell, it looks like someone slammed you against the wall."

"Something like that." I dropped his steak on the grill, watching it instead of looking up at him.

"Did something happen today that I should know about?"

"No. Drop it please."

"Being a part of Justin's life can be difficult sometimes. Especially being his girlfriend. People are constantly wanting information and some crazy chicks want to hurt you simply because you're with him and they aren't. I can help if you need me to."

"Everything's fine. I promise. It wasn't a crazy fan."

His face took a different demeanor. "Paparazzi?"

I kept quiet, turning his steak to the other side.

"Bells, you have to tell someone when things like this happen. They can't take control."

I stared at the steaks on the grill. "It's overwhelming. There are people shoving a camera in my face every moment I step out of the house. They scream some the rudest things I have ever heard at me..."

"They are trying to piss you off. They want the money shot. Unfortunately you have to try and ignore them."

"I'm trying. I tried. I thought it was going to be easier than it is."

"I don't want to see Justin loose you over this. Because trust me, if he didn't have to deal with this part of being in the industry and continue to make music he would choose that in a heartbeat. He loves you." A smile on his face lightens up the tense look he had on his face. "That man is head of heels, madly in love with you."

Hearing those words come out of Justin's best friend's mouth and for him to mean every word he was saying sent tingles through my body.

Trace left shortly after dinner. I could see why Justin has been best friends with him for so long. He was a genuinely sweet person. He seemed to care about everyone he came in contact with. Even though that couldn't be the greatest, I'm sure he has been used a time or two.

I popped one of the DVD's I had picked up today and crawled up on the couch. The title of the movie made me not want to even watch. I was never a fan of snakes and the idea of them made my skin crawl. Taking my chances and trusting the opinion of that sales clerk this morning I chose the play movie option and relax.

My jaw drops, causing myself to sit up and take notice at the screen as I watch the love of my life on the screen in a way I have seen him so many times. That seductive look in his eyes, those massive arms holding you down, that force that's within him... Just like that the split second of that moment was over.

"Holy hell... that was hot" was all I could manage to say. I was wishing that scene was a little longer. That is beyond weird to even think about. That was my man on the TV screen with another woman, in bed, having really hot sex... but it didn't make me jealous at all. I couldn't be normal. There had to be something wrong with me.

I rewind back to the scene to play it again. I had to make sure that I wasn't having hallucinations and imagined that entire scene.

I sat awake anxiously as the sun rises up over the hills of Los Angeles. I was up early to head into the design studio with Jack to introduce the designs to Troy Carter but he called and cancelled this morning. He was on a flight to Paris to fix something that had a possibility of not having a way to be fixed. I wanted to know what he thought about the designs, considering he is the one forking over the money for the first line. He has continuously said that he would have never invested any amount of money if he didn't think the designs were going to succeed. I was glad he had the high confidence because every time something minor fell apart I would panic. I was going to get one shot and one shot alone. I had to hit the head on the nail with one try.

This enormous bed was lonely. The crisp white sheets were chilly and boring, but I won't tell Justin just yet. I wouldn't want to change everything about his room before he even see's the remodeling that was done. I laid there until I couldn't lie there anymore. The day was going to waste by doing nothing.

Not even changing into clothes I bounced down the steps in one of Justin's William Rast flag tee's from his drawer, I had hoped that it smelled like him but I wasn't so lucky. The shorts were tiny but it covered what it needed to. I proceeded to clean up the mess that I had left in the kitchen last night. It was weird how much excitement it gave me to have to clean this mess up. I never had to do anything growing up; we had someone to do that for us.  I took my time making the kitchen just as spotless as it was when I walked in the door.

A nice brisk early morning run in the canyon sounded amazing, but the idea of facing the photographers was enough to veto that decision instantly. I cringe at the idea of even leaving the house. Their presence outside the security gates was enough for me.

Sketching was clarity for me. Time didn't exist once I begin to start sketching. Hours could go by and I wouldn't know any difference. Case and point. Sitting on the floor in the living room with Justin's debut album blasting in the background I manage to sketch two dozen different pair of heels. Each line, each detail, each style turns into something new.

The CD has repeated itself at least four times. I drop my sketch pad into my lap, listening to the listening to the opening piano playing a soft melody. His voice...  The passion, the hurt, the pain, the admissions, the heartbreak in his voice was... heartbreaking.

"Would have given up my life for you... I guess it's true what they say about love it's blind... Girl you lied straight to my face... Looking in my eyes... And I believed you cause I loved you more than life... And all you had to do was apologize..."

I felt that pain for him. I felt that emptiness he was feeling.

"You didn't say you're sorry... I don't understand... You don't care that you hurt me... And now I'm half the man I used to be... When it was you and me... You didn't love me enough... My heart may never mend... And you'll never get to love me again..."

The tears begin to stream down my face. His heartbreak came through his voice.

"Sadness, has me at the end of the line... Helpless, watched you break this heart of mine... Loneliness, only wants you back here with me... Common sense, knows that you're not good enough for me... And all you had to do was apologize and mean it..."

I felt the warmth of muscular arms wrapping around my shoulders from behind, the gentle soft lips of his pressed against my cheek. I turned to see him right there. He was finally home. Home. "Why exactly are you listening to this?" he asked with the biggest smile on his face. Buckley and Brennen run behind him into the house. They were so cute that I didn't even notice that they were knocking over things in their path. They were excited to home again. Between spending time at Trace's during the renovation and on a tour bus with Justin, they didn't get to run free in their comfort zone. They disappeared into the others room.

I leaped onto my feet, scattering my sketch book all over the floor, standing on my tippy toes I wrap my arms around him. "She really broke your heart didn't she? Are you still half the man you were?"

He exhaled deeply, "I think my heart was forever changed after that relationship, but I think I learned to really love someone after her. I learned you can't trust everyone. I learned how much power means to people... I learned a lot... but I honestly wouldn't take any of it back. If I went back and could change anything, I wouldn't. That relationship changed me into the person I am today. That heartbreak, led me to you. I'm a better man without her." He leans down, pressing his lips on mine, slowly rubbing the small of my back. "Do me a favor. Please don't listen to my cd's... that's... I dunno... a little weird."

"But I like them."

He walks over to the radio pressing the pause button. "I will sing to you all you want... you just have to ask. It's weird to walk in the house and hear your own voice on the radio being blasted."

"Fine." I puckered up my bottom lip. He came back across the living room quickly tackling me to the floor causing me to fall to my back, as he straddles himself over me, "Trousersnake huh? I can see where that came from."

He laughed as he shook his head, "Are you googling me again?"

"Sorry. I can't resist and OH MY GOD..." my eyes were almost bugging out of my face as I looked up at him. "I watched a VERY interesting fifty seconds of your film career... wow I'm still hot and bothered by it." I began to fan my face.

"Was the scene something like this?" He tore off his shirt, tossing it on the floor, then reached to pull mine over my head.

I unbuckle his jeans, "Close..." I said as he kicks his jeans off. He removed the panties I had on, tossing them to the other side of the room. He slides his index finger up my leg slowly causing goose bumps to form as he moved up, inching closer and closer to where I wanted his hands to be. He runs his fingers over my sensitive lips before the palm of his hand glides over the entire upper half of my body, resting his hands slightly above my head, pinning both arms down tightly. "I think were in need of some shackles..." I whispered in his ear, "I want to be your slave!"

He growled in my ear, raising my legs about my head, immediately he entered me forcefully. "I'd rather be your slave." His finger nails dug in deep around my wrist with every movement he would make. Thrust after thrust, eventually we were both worn out and collapse on the floor. I pulled myself into his chest.

"I missed you!" I kissed his forehead.

"God I missed you Bells... Time without you is so hard." He rests his head on my shoulder. "I wish you could come with me."

"Ok... please let's not talk about being hard and coming in the same sentence because I'm a little worn out at his moment."

He laughs and says "You're such a dirty girl... and I love it!" As he climbs up off the floor. "I have to say that probably the best ‘welcome home' I have ever gotten."

I stood on my slightly wobbly legs, bending over to pick up my shirt and panties. "That dirty grin on your face only makes me want to welcome you again."

"Could you just stay like that? I like that view." Justin says staring at my ass bent over.

"You would like that too much." I stood up straight putting the t-shirt back on. "Plus we would never get any actual work done."

"Oh I would get A LOT done." He says pulling me back close to him.

"Ouch." I said as he had grabbed the bruise on my forearm. I dropped my arm, hoping he didn't see it or that he just grabbed me the wrong way... anything... but I wasn't so lucky.

He gently takes my arm, pulling it towards him, turning to see the massive bruise that was now a beautiful deep purple color. He presses his lips to it gently, slowly rubbing his fingers over it. "How did you get this? It looks like it hurts."

"I got it shopping yesterday." I dropped my arm out of his hands. Turning to pick up all the sheets of paper scattered around the room.

"Bells." He said stern. "Where is the bruise from? How did you get it?"

"Honestly?" I questioned.

"Well of course I want the truth."  He said.

"Honestly, I don't want to tell you." I continued to put the sketches into the design book on the table where they belonged.

He thought about for a moment, "Did I give you that bruise?" He walks over, steps in front of me between my body and the table. "You can tell me anything."

I looked into his eyes and watched as the words begin to roll off my tongue; his eyes went from worry to fury. He starts to pace around the living room shaking his head. He was pissed, just as I thought he was going to be. I would have been more than willing to keep this information to myself.

He walks out of the room still pissed off. "Justin" I said trying to get his attention back to something else other than this. He continues to walk away from me, into the kitchen and out onto the back patio. His arms were flying around in the air. His face was flushed and clearly still very unhappy. I see the back of his head shaking in the direction that he was saying no or disapproving of something. He rests his free hand in his pocket finally. He seems to have calmed down.

I open the door and step out onto the patio, the boys follow behind me. They sit next to me, looking up at me. I stooped down to their level, petting both of them at the same time as I watch Justin on the phone. I can hear his one sided conversation.

"...-That's what I am going to have to do. She shouldn't have to deal with this. For Christ sakes... if I lose her because of this... I swear to you right now, I will walk away from everything. I will give it all up.... I know...  I love you to... I'll see you when you get here tomorrow..."

He dropped his elbows to the outside concrete of the balcony, resting his face in his hands. I could see his back rising and falling from his heavy breathing.

"Justin..." I said quietly. He turns to see me standing in front of him, the water works in full affect. "I can't let you do this."

"Babe..." he takes my hands into his.

I interrupt him, "Please, let me say this... I can't let you give up everything for me. I know that I'm not used to this life you have but please know that I'm not going anywhere. Am I scared of what they can do to me... now, yes I'm a little worried, but I love you and that's not going to change. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction that they want. I will learn to deal with everything."

"Well I'm going to change some things. You are not going to have to worry every moment you go out of this house. My mother is contacting the security company right now. Shawn is with me at all times and I am going to have someone with you at all times."

"I don't need a baby sitter Justin."

"Its security Bells... and you need it." He lifts my arm. "This... should never happen. Plus I want you be to safe and feel safe."

"This is a whole new world for me."

"As high profile as your father is the Hampton's, I thought maybe you had experienced things like this."

"My father gets followed depending on what is currently going on with the hospital but they have never bothered anyone else."

I wasn't sure how I felt about having someone with me at all times. I think that could get a little overwhelming as well. I like my alone time when I want it. This was going to be something else I have to get used to being here, in a relationship with Justin.

Having  Justin home was comforting. For the first time in the couple weeks I have been here, it feels like our place. When it's just me here I feel like I'm invading his space. Waking up in his arms is a different feeling that waking up to a cold empty bed. With only four more days with him, waking up like this makes me think of alternatives. Four more days of this and I may be spoiled by it. I need to adjust my schedule a little more to be with him, while he is on the road. Once the samples were done and the line is approved, the time I had would be more than it is now. I could do some of my work from the road. I could bring Jack with me... and even Holli if I needed to. My schedule is running through my head non-stop. Some of the biggest meetings were going to take place the beginning of next week and I was a ball of nerves thinking about it.

Coffee filled the smell of the house along with the smell of bacon frying.

"My mother's here, I can always tell." He says in his sleepy voice, nuzzling his nose into the back of my neck, getting himself comfortable again.

"I should go see if she wants some help." I kissed his forehead and started to slide off the bed.

He pulls me back over to him, "She already loves you. You don't have to win her over."

"It's not about winning her over." I punched him in the arm playfully, climbing on top of him. "I want to help her. You have an amazing mother. Cherish the time you have with her."

"I know firsthand how lucky I am to have her as my mother. She is pretty amazing..." he brushes the hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear. "Can I ask something?"

"Of course." I adjusted myself sitting on top of him.

"Could we not talk about my mother... while you're in... this position?" he raised his eyebrows.

It was morning and he was standing upright and ready. I lifted my body up with my hands, positioning myself exactly where I needed to be, slowly lowering myself on him, taking in every inch of him. "You mean this... position?" I slowly started to grind my hips in the motion that I know will push him off the edge very quickly.

"Oh... oh... yes that's the perfect position." He ran his hands up my abdomen inching closer to my breast. I take his hands, pinning them down on the pillow. "You're a dirty, dirty woman... I fucking love it." Quickening my pace I continue to watch his face. I love to watch his reactions. I love to see the way each move makes him feel. Every minute that passes the look of pure joy runs across his face. I see the smile on his face. I knew that smile. I knew he was only moments from being off the edge.
"FUCKK YES!" he managed to escape a breath out of his lungs.

What other way would someone start off the day if they woke up next to that man in their bed? They would start the day, just the same way.

A light soft knock on the door stiffens us both as we are under the sheets completely naked. I suddenly had a flash back of almost getting caught in bed with my boyfriend at the time.

My parents had gone to Paris for a month vacation. It was the annual family vacation. It wasn't always Paris but it was always to some place I didn't want to be. Now looking back it wasn't the places, it was the fact that I would be with them in the random places. They would always choose the best time to go on vacation. It would be the middle of summer in New York and they would want to go somewhere it was snowing or cold. I loved summer, I loved everything about it and they wanted to be out of town when the temperature was too high. Another one of those things my father wasn't fond of. I wonder sometimes if he just simply disliked things because it interests me.

I remember being in the house all alone. Everyone had gone to Paris, or so I thought. We were lying in bed, naked under the sheets, exhausted looking up at the ceiling, both trying to catch our breaths when I heard someone in the hallway drop something causing a loud bang. My airway literally cut off and I wasn't breathing. I was a medical student, I knew I wasn't breathing anymore.

He knew there was never an option for us to do anything in my parents' house. So when we got this one opportunity he jumped at the chance. It was something new. It was an adrenaline rush, even though we both knew they were thousands of miles away, there wasn't a way to get caught.

We both stiffened after we heard a loud bang in the hallway. We listen diligently as the footsteps start to creep down the hallway. Neither of us moved. Neither of us wanted to know who was out there and how long they had been there. Come to find out later, it was my brother Omar. He had cancelled at the last minute due to an emergency at the hospital. He never asked questions and I never asked questions. To this day I don't know if he knew.

Her soft voice echoes through the door. "Justin honey I made breakfast. It's ready when you both get up."

I held my hand over my mouth, I wanted to say it but I couldn't, not with his mother standing outside of that door.

"Thanks, we will be down in a couple minutes." He said.

I heard the footsteps walk down the hallway. I removed my hand, "Phew. I didn't think I was going to be able to keep my mouth shut."

"You were totally going to comment on, being up, weren't you? You have a dirty... dirty mind."

I shook my head yes with the biggest smile on my face. We jumped up and put some clothes on, something semi presentable due to the fact that his mother was downstairs. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and headed down the grand staircase.

The smell of home cooking filled the space as I got closer to the kitchen. The island was full of food. Lynn must have been up for hours. The display of food looked delicious. She stood at the counter with a cup of coffee in her hand, looking over the morning paper. Justin looked like his mother. They had the same posture, mannerism; they even had that same laugh.

He walks into the kitchen, planting a kiss on her forehead. "Good morning, Mom! Thanks for cooking breakfast."

"You're very welcome." She says in her sweet southern accent.

He sits across the island from me and I watch as he begins to feast on the food in front of him. "I w-l have t- dough por a ice wong run." He says with his mouth full.

"Justin Randall." Lynn snapped at him. "Swallow that food before you speak. I know I taught you manners."

He chews his food up, rolling his eyes in the process. "Sorry. I will have to go for a run later to make up for this breakfast."

"Hush." Lynn says. "You burn more calories in a day then anyone I know. Enjoy the breakfast!"

He nods his head as he shoves more food into it.

"Actually a run sounds great. I would like that." I said.

He swallows his food again, "We can do that. After breakfast settles we will head up to the canyon."

                "I haven't had a good run in a long time. You will have to take it easy on me."

"I'll try but I don't know if I can be easy on you. I'm sure I will smoke you, leaving you in the dust."

Lynn turns to him, "Justin", she hissed.

"Sarcasm mother, she knows I will be easy on her." He winks at me, with all the dirtiness running through his eyes.

Sheets of paper with heels of all different colors on them start to scatter over the bed. I had torn out every single sheet. I couldn't find what I was looking for. I knew where I put it. There was three specific pair that I was hoping to get into this line. I could re-sketch them, I remembered every detail of them but I know that I put them in this very sketch pad in the back of it. I emptied it again. Sheet by sheet my panic begins to set in.  They were gone. They were really gone. "Where could I have put them" I mumbled to myself.

"Something wrong?" Justin asked as he walked into the room.

I started to ramble, "I created a heel inspired by one of your songs..."  The sheets are still flying, "I wasn't going to show you until the samples were done but while we were running I decided I wanted to know what you thought about it... running clears my head."

"Really... that's surprising." He said, sounding very surprised.

"Are you making a smart ass comment about me? At this very moment." I asked irritated. He reached out for my hand to pull me close, but I continue to toss sheets down.

"No... I didn't think you actually liked the music."

I leaned into my bag beside the desk, lifting out a handful of CD cases. "I bought them all. I have listened to them non-stop. Every track is simply... brilliance."

He lowers his head, embarrassed. "Wow..."

I tilt his head back up to look at me. "Don't be so surprised that I enjoyed the albums, you have talent way beyond your years. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks babe, it means a lot coming from you."

I look at him and wink, "You're very welcome."

He was curious now. "So, can I see this heel that I inspired?"

"That's the problem." I tossed single sheets down again, one by one looking at them. "I can't find the sketches."

"Where did you last have them?"

"In the studio... I hadn't showed them to anyone. They were in this bag, in this book, right here." I flipped open the book to the empty spot. "They are just gone."

"Could you have left them in the house somewhere or at the studio?" he begins to flip through them as well, even though he has no idea what he is looking for. "Wow, these are great..."

"I have only had this book out when you came home the other day, I had sketched them that morning... and then I had it at the studio yesterday morning in my bag."

"You will find them. Don't stress about it."

"They were perfect...."

He had a stack of sheets in his hand, "These are all perfect... Did you have the patent put on them?"

"I did actually. It was done that morning before I went into the studio."

"They will have a copy of them. It will be ok." He pulled me into his chest, kissing the top of my head.  "I love you."

My mind had been so scattered that I could have put them anywhere. I was sure that's where I had put them but who knows with me these days. Under that mess I have caused was my phone. That damn missed call light keeps blinking. Damn, I thought. I always forget about this damn phone being my only connection to the outside world.

Fourteen missed calls, all from Omar.

My heart began to race. Never in my life has Omar called me that many times. He knew I was bad about having it in my hand at all times, which was just another reason why the whole Doctor thing wasn't going to work out very well for me. There had to be something important going on for him to call me at all, let alone fourteen times. I drop the phone from the sweat on my palms. There was something wrong. Something serious was wrong.

 "Arabella..." he starts off. I missed hearing the sympathetic voice of my brother. He always had that tone in his voice. "I know there is a lot going on within our family but something has happened. So against others wishes, I decided to call you. Something has happened. Something none of us saw coming..."

I tried to sit on the bed, but instead I miss the mattress and began to slide to the floor. I drop the phone to the floor. The entire room is a blur. I daze off into nowhere as his words run back in my head, over and over again. Brain cancer. Stage four. I dropped my head, allowing the tears to flow free. After everything that has happened, everything I have gone through. I would have never wished for this. Even with all the anger that I had for my father, I would never want this. I had studied medicine; I knew that this was the end. There was nothing that could change the outcome now.

The shower in the bathroom was still running. I hear it faintly in the background as my thoughts seem to scatter. Why as a doctor did he not know this was going on? Why would he not pick up on all the signs? He knew them; he knew every single sign or symptom. How could he do this to my mother? She doesn't know how to live her life day to day without him. She doesn't know anything about life other than her life with him.

The bathroom door opens, the stem pours out into the bedroom. "So I was thinking we could see a movie tonight maybe -" He stops in his tracks, white towel tied around loosely low on his waist. Rushing over to the floor where I was sitting. "Bells, honey what's wrong?"

I look up at him with my swollen red eyes, "He doesn't want me there." I dropped my head back into my hands.

"Who doesn't want you where?" Worried has filled his previous happy eyes. He reaches to the bed, pulling his basketball shorts up over his naked body.

"Omar... left me a voicemail."

"And?" he questioned, wanting me to explain.

"My father... is going to die."

He plops down on to the floor in front of me reaching out his hands to touch mine. "What do you mean he is going to die?" He knew I wasn't exaggerating. He knew this was serious.

"He has stage four brain cancer." I felt the water in my eyes, welling up over the lids. My stomach was pulsating at the short breathes I was taking.

"Stage four is... that's-" he closed his eyes, he knew what that meant.

"Yes... that as bad as it gets. That's the end."

He grips his hands around mine, "We can go. We can get on a plane and just go there."

"Omar said he wasn't sure if I should come."

"Omar called you. I think that was him telling you to come. You won't know unless you try."

"You would do this with me. You would give up your only couple days off to fly away from home?"

He lifts my chin up to look at him, caressing that side of my cheek. "I want to be with you. That's the point of the time off.  I want to spend time with you; I don't care where it is. This is something I think I should do with you." He wrapped his arms back around me. "I will have Rachel book the flights, pack a bag. I will let my mother know what's going on."

"Lynn." I mumbled, throwing my head back against the mattress. "Your mother came out here to see you. I'm pulling you away from your mother. I can't do that."

"Bells. Please stop. I want to do this with you. I want to go. My mother will understand fully. I will have her come see me on the road. She is used to me bouncing around the country."

He didn't give me any other option. He was already out of the bedroom and down the staircase before I could tell him no. I pulled my carryon bag out of the closet and began to stack items in it. I had no idea when I would be back here but I knew I had clothes at the NYC apartment.

I was lost in my own thoughts. I wanted to go, for anything I wanted to support my mother. She is going to be in pieces. But I don't even know if she would want to see me. My brother was the strong one, but my sister, she doesn't think bad things happen to this family. Everything has always been handed to her and the entire family. This was going to question her entire way of thinking.

I slowly walked down the staircase and dropped the bag on the floor. I rounded the corner and entered the kitchen, grab a beer out of the refrigerator and start to chug. I needed this urge to hurl feeling to disintegrate. Beer was probably not the best selection but I knew it would also compose my nerves a little.

"Arabella?" I turned to see Lynn standing behind me, with tears in her eyes. "I just wanted to let you know that I love you dearly. My son has fallen madly in love with you and I couldn't be happier with that. And you never for a moment need to think you are taking him away from me. My relationship with my son will always be there, we know how to make time for each other. You need to take a selfish moment for yourself once and a while."

"Th-anks" I managed to say with the lump in my throat. "I'll make this up to you I -"

She cut me off. "There is nothing you need to apologize for, nothing you need to make up for... were family. We make choices and support the other."

Family. Tears start to flow even more now. She thought of me as family. If only my own family thought the way she did.

                Press was out of control at LAX. There were hundreds of cameras surrounding the departure gate. They were taking photos of someone else unloading their vehicle. We only had our carryon's so we were going to make a mad dash for the entrance. We watched as our vehicle got closer and closer to the door. We had to have perfect timing to sidetrack them. He took my hand and said, "I'm going to force my way through quickly. Hold onto my hand as tight as you can." He leaned up and kissed his mother on the cheek."

"Both of you be careful, have a safe flight. I love you." She reaches back to grab my hand. "Be strong Bells."

I nodded my head and Justin informed me it was time to get out of the car. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I had to mentally prepare myself for getting out of this car. He opens the doors and steps his foot on the pavement. I slide out behind him quickly. With both feet on the pavement now I keep my head down but it was already too late. I can see twenty pairs of feet standing in front of us. Justin looks back at me, giving me his I'm sorry look. He starts to push his way through the crowd but they weren't moving. They say the demeanor on both of our faces, they knew there was something going on in our world and they weren't going to let go. They were screaming at us, wanting answers, but we kept quiet, inching our way into the door. It took longer than we wanted to get fifty feet. Each step was a challenge. Security inside the airport quickly dispersed them, forcing them back out of the entrance.

We stood at the ticket counter waiting in line as he had his arms wrapped around me kissing me on the forehead. I felt at home with him. "I'm sorry you had to deal with that."

"It's ok." I said thinking I may never get used to this.

"Shawn's going to meet us at JFK and will have security ready for us there." He pulled me into his chest.  "I hate this part of my job."

I stood there in his arms, my head on his heart waiting for our flight to board. The cameras weren't gone. I could hear the clicking of the cameras in the room, we couldn't be anywhere in public and not hear that sound. I suddenly smelled a strong scent of perfume overwhelming the area we were standing in. A woman about a foot taller than I was is now standing next us. Particularly she is standing next to Justin. He leans his weight up off the wall we had been leaning on, bumps into her with his elbow. "I'm sorry." He says being polite as he steps away from her.

"OH MY GOD!" she screams. "You're Justin Timberlake! Oh MY GOD!" She started jumping up and down. "OH MY GOD!"

I see it across Justin's face, he was embarrassed, he kept looking around the room watching everyone focus their attention on him standing there... in an airport, waiting to board a flight. He wasn't on stage in front of thousands he was in an airport, not so glamorous.

"Hi" he says nervously as he picks up the bag from the floor.

"OMG, can I get a picture with you?" she says.

Now boarding flight 8475 to New York City at Gate 6A

"Sure... quickly though, our flight is boarding now."

He stands close to her as he hands the camera to me. "Can you take the picture?"

Oh look, I'm now the photographer. I snapped the photo and hand her back the camera. She was still jumping up and down from excitement. She followed us to the gate. "You're going to NYC? I'm going as well. We are on the same flight."

Great. I thought. I needed this to all be over with.

He leans down and whispers, "We are in first class. Hopefully it will be quiet in there."

The flight was anything but quiet. I wanted quietness.

When we arrived in New York several dreadful hours later we were told we couldn't leave the plane. We were a security hazard and we had to wait and exit the plane after everyone else had and exit through a difference route into the airport. This may have been the best news we got all day. Shawn walked onto the plane and said that there were photographers lined outside of the terminal waiting for us to exit. So hopefully that will sidetrack them enough to at least let us get to the car waiting for us. However luck was not on our side today, at all.

We were spotted right outside of the arrivals door and they were in tow with us the entire route to the hospital. Luckily, I had pulled a few strings at the hospital. I still had connections with the parking lot attendant. He pulled us into the private unloading dock.

The pressure I felt as I got on that elevator and pressed the number six for his floor was unexplainable. My palms were sweating and I could see the worry in Justin's eyes. He has the same worry I did.

Stepping off the elevator I see an empty waiting room. This waiting room was never empty the entire time I worked here. There were guards at the entrance to the nurses' station. Jeremy the security guard I had seen so many times before stops me at the door. "I'm sorry Arabella. I can't let you through." He says as he looks down.

"Jeremy my father is in there. I need to see him."

"I would like to very much let that happen. However I am under strict orders to only allow immediate family through these doors."

"That's my father."

"I know." He said. "I can't change the list. I will lose my job if I let you through."

"You have got to be kidding me. This has gone too far." I was pissed off more than I was upset.

I see Omar walk out of the room and into the hallway. He saw me; he locked eyes with me before walking back into the room.

You are dead to me.

I felt my heart sink to the floor, leaving a gapping whole in my chest. How could a father, any father wish this upon his child. A child should get the opportunity to say goodbye. A child should never feel the emptiness I feel right now.

Jeremy looked at me with water overflowing his eyelids before lowering his head. This wasn't something he wanted to be doing, but it was simply his job. He whispers to me, "If I didn't have my children to think about... I wouldn't hesitate to letting you through. I would gladly be fired to ease your heartache right now... I just can't do it. I'm so sorry."

I was pissed but I knew this wasn't his fault in any way. "I understand Jeremy, and I would never ask you for that. Thanks."

I turned around to see Justin, he was irate. His face was flushed and he was pacing around the room shaking his head in disbelief. I was beyond irate at this point. I had mix feelings as to what I was going through. I wanted to at least make amends. This was the end; I couldn't believe that this was going on. Their unbelievable traditions and Bloodline bullshit was going to prevent me from seeing them at a time like this. They think I made the wrong choice. But they just made a worse choice.

I storm across the room, leaving Justin to talk to the security guard. If I would have stayed there one minute longer I would have exploded on the ones that didn't deserve it. There was no way we were getting around their orders but he was trying. I rounded the corner and stopped in my tracks, leaning my head against the cold concrete wall. I heard him making suggestions but there was nothing he could do either. He may be, ‘Justin Timberlake' but in this hospital my father had all the reins to pull.

I heard Omar approach the doors and start talking to Justin in a low tone. I stood on the other side of the hallway, listening. I heard Justin say, "She just wants to say goodbye. I think she needs to do this. I think she will be heartbroken if she doesn't get this chance."

Omar punches the wall. "All these choices she has made are selfish and irresponsible. This is our family. This is our father that may die. Why is she making this about her?"

Justin looks at Omar with stern eyes, and a hurt heart. "Bells doesn't have a selfish bone in her body. She came all the way here, even after everything he said to her...." He shakes his head, irritated, making his voice stern he says, "She is here for him. That shows how much she respects him. If I was in her shoes I don't think that I could even show up here today."

"My father is about traditions and following the Bloodline. Arabella," he stressed on her name, "Has broken that, he doesn't like to be betrayed."

Justin was getting angrier with every word that came out of his mouth, "Saying to your daughter... that she is dead to him, is selfish. Being a parent is all about making choices and hoping your children follow those choices in life... but sometimes you have to honor what they have chosen and support them. Approval or not, you support your children."

"Justin, please don't stand here pretending you know how to raise a child or that you know anything about our family. You have not known Arabella as long as you make it seem you do." He turns to walk away, turns back to hear what Justin has to say.

"Falling in love with Bells was something that came so natural. She makes loving her so easy to do. She has the biggest heart of anyone I have ever known in my life... Watching her cry herself to sleep over the situation for days on end was a clear sign that her decision wasn't something she easily came to. There were many days I would watch the pain in her eyes and know that she couldn't bear it anymore. Watching the love of your life going through so much pain and heartbreak isn't the easiest thing to watch when there is nothing you can do to change that feeling." Omar remained quiet; he has never heard this side of the story. "Did you know that I told her to choose her family? I left," he said pointing at his chest, "Leaving her to marry Gavin. It shattered my heart into a million pieces to make that decision but I knew that I couldn't make her choose being with me over her family."

"And she came back to you. She chose you." He says surprised.

"She made the choice to leave on her own. She made the choice to walk away from the Bloodline on her own... Loving her has brought light back into my life. I was broken for a long time, but that's over now. Loving her has made me whole for the first time in my life. She couldn't marry Gavin. She would have been unhappy everyday of the rest of her life. She wouldn't be the light hearted, free for all Bells that we both know and love."

"I never..." he said, looking down at the floor. "I never gave her the chance. I always thought, I thought she was being selfish. I never looked at things from her point of view. I guess being a Kinsey there were things I was supposed to do and never thought twice about... She has always had a mind of her own... What is she going to do for money? I know my father cut her out of the will, removed her trust fund?"  

Justin shakes his head, "I understand that money is something that your family has resonated on for as long as the traditions have been around but a simple I love you means more than any amount of money." He says that and it sends butterflies through my stomach.

"Love doesn't pay the mortgage." Omar said attempting to make a point.

"Money means nothing at the end of the day. I have plenty of money, that isn't a worry of ours. I own my house in L.A., and the apartment in NYC, We will manage to live in those places for the rest of our lives." Justin said proudly. "Bells, is going to have an amazing career in the fashion world. I don't think you realize how talented she really is... she is going to be very successful and she is going to be happy. But happiness at the end of the day is all that really matters. Happiness trumps money."

"So this is a... permanent thing? You're not going to just walk away from her and break her heart right? She didn't give up everything for you to just walk away from her?"

"I love that woman. I'm not going anywhere." He says with a smile spread across his face, "I could give up everything, but have the love of that woman for the rest of my life and be perfectly content."

"She is still my little sister, remember that. You hurt her... I may have to make you disappear."

"You don't have to worry."

Omar stood there not knowing what to say. "I will talk to my mother and sister and see what I can do. I will be back." He shuffled back down the hallway to the room and disappeared into the room.

I walked around the corner and stood watching Justin's demeanor. He was out of his element. There was nothing he could do. I think if he could pull any strings he would, no matter what the cost was.

I walked up behind him, wrapping my arms around his stomach, placing my head on the back of his shoulder, breathing on his neck. "Thank you." I said quietly. He placed his hands on my arm sliding them behind his back gripping onto my wrists, squeezing them tighter. I felt the strain this was having on his body. His entire abdomen was tense and quivering against mine. He turns his body slowly until his face is flush with mine, taking his hands placing them over the curve of my chin. "I love you." He says just as the tears begin to flow freely down my face. His wipes the tears away with his thumps like a wiper blade. "I wish there was something I could do for you... something to take away this heartache."

His words broke my heart even more. I have the unconditional love of a man that I never thought I would have the privilege of feeling. Knowing that he was hurting because of my pain was horrendous. I had to get myself together, if for anything, for him.

I could hear the clicking of cameras going off in the distance, however I attempted to ignore them hoping that Justin wouldn't notice them. But he has heard them for so many years that he can almost tell you the model of the camera they were using. I could see his frustration starting to boil and he wanted to scream at them, but he didn't. There were times where they were annoying and pestering but sometimes there's a line that is crossed and right now, in this hospital, was crossing a line.

I watched at Justin climbed out of the chair and headed in their direction. I closed my eyes sending u p a quick though, hoping he wouldn't hurt one of them, then watched as the closer he got the more distant they became. They knew this was neither the time nor the place to be shoving a camera into someone's face. This was not something that should be capture on film and distributing it to the entire world for a news story. Shawn arrived shortly after and removed them from the floor.

Hours had past and we sat in the waiting room, waiting, hoping that they would change their minds. But nothing changed. Omar never came back out into the waiting area. I didn't know if I should leave or find a way to get back there. I couldn't make that decision, so I sat there with Justin next to me the entire time. No one had the audacity to let go of their Bloodline traditions. I watched as family members on both sides of the family go in and out of his room, each and everyone one of them walking past me and not even acknowledging my existence.

My phone had become glued to my hand, I thought that maybe just maybe Omar would call me and tell me it was ok to come back. When I felt it start to vibrate in my hand I got nervous. Maybe this was it. I looked down and see a new email appear in my inbox.

I received something today that I would like to discuss with you. Something isn't right.  Please contact my assistant as soon as possible. -Troy

Fuck. The last thing I needed to worry about was this.

I didn't have any idea what was going on. For all I knew he was going to pull the line from out under me. I didn't have time to think about what Troy needed, I look up from my phone and Omar standing in front of me. I standing quickly and approach him across the room.

He looked at me, "I'm sorry Arabella... I'm really sorry. I tried, I really tried..."

I reached out to him, taking his hand into mine. "I know you did. Maybe tomorrow they will give me a chance..." I trailed off.

"Arabella, he's gone." His eyes start to flutter with tears, he was speechless.

I felt the tremble in my arms and knees start to shake. I felt the world around me crumble. The words we had to each other flutter through my thoughts. "The last thing I spoke to my father was, ‘I'm dead to you, remember that.'"  I hit the floor sobbing, those are harsh words to be the last thing he will ever hear me say.

Huddled over crying into the floor, I felt Justin's arms wrap around me, picking me up to cradle in his arms. I never got to say goodbye. We never got to say amends. "I should have tried harder to make him understand. I should have tried to not be so stubborn. I should have made him see how much I needed to be me... I caused the stress on his life. I caused this to progress so fast. I am to blame."

I killed my father.

I lay awake looking out the window of our bedroom, watching the sun rise as I had done so many times before, but this time was different. I lay here in the arms of the most amazing man I will ever know, empty. Neither of us has slept well the last couple days. I knew that today was a day I would never forget. Today was going to be a day I could never get back and a day that I couldn't be a part of.

My words had bitterness in my mouth now. I shouldn't have said things to my father that I could never take back. His words will always remain a part of me. They'll always be a reminder of the part of my life that I always knew which I lost but his words will always remind me of the life I never knew I could have, that is reality now.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to the funeral. It is your father?" He asks in my ear softly. "I can stay an extra day. I can cancel the interviews today and I can... I don't have to be in Detroit until tomorrow afternoon for sound check..."

"You are going to get on that plane today. I will be fine, plus it was made very aware to me that I was not to be at the services. I don't want to make a scene. I just want this to be over with." I swallowed the lump in my throat. I wanted this emptiness to go away. I wanted this feeling of guilt to leave the back of my throat.

"You have the right to say goodbye."

He pulled me in closer to him, now I was face to face with him. "I love you for trying- but this isn't going to change. I chose someone not from the Bloodline over them. They will never forget. I will grieve and deal with this death the best I can."

"I don't want to leave you like this..." He said trembling. "Come with me."

The hurt in his voice hurt. I put on my brave face, again. "I will be fine. I'm a big girl. I have work that needs to get done here." I was then reminded of the email I received from Troy. I had forgotten to call him. How responsible of me to forget that.

I reached over to the table and scrolled down to the email, highlighting the number to his office. I sat up on the bed and press send. Two rings later his perky assistant, Toni answered the phone.  "Good Morning Troy Carter's office."

"Hi, Toni this is Arabella Kinsey. I need to come in and see Troy is there any way that could happen today?"

"Yes. Troy said to clear his schedule for whatever time you could come in. I actually figured you would have come in a couple days ago..."

‘Yeah, a lot has happened in the last couple of days. What time is good today?"

"How does 2:00 sound?"

"2:00 is perfect." How ironic. "I will see you then."

I ran around the apartment getting things ready for him to leave. He was lost in his own thoughts the entire day. He was quiet and reserved, which is normal for him but I could see the worry in his eyes. I knew that he was worried about leaving me here alone. He didn't have much of a choice.

The moment came when he had to leave. He stood at the door in tears, second guessing his choices. I stood on my tippy toes, kissing his forehead. "Everything will be fine. Go, have a great show. I will see you soon."

"I love you. I love you with everything I have." He rested his forehead on mine. "I'm just a phone call away. No matter what time it is, no matter what you think I'm doing..."

I cut him off, pressing my finger over his soft lips. "-Justin, I love you is all I need to hear." He had a hold of my hand and wouldn't let go. I knew he was going to make himself late for his flight, then he would have to stay but I wasn't going to let him. I dropped my hand out of his, "You're going to miss your flight." I wrapped my hands around his back, planting my hands on his ass, pulling him closer to me, kissing his lips softly. "Your car is waiting... get you're behind moving." I smiled at him, squeezing his booty.

"You can't do something like that as I'm walking out the door... ugh. It makes me want to put you up on that counter and do very naughty things to you..." The smile that ran across his face was the Justin I needed.

"I have to make you come back to me. I have to leave you wanting something."

He stared at me, looking at me in a constant stare. He slowly rubbed the side of my face with his thumb as I the light in me shined through. "There's the smile I love to see on your face." He lowered his face and kissed my lips again before walking away from me. I watched as the door slowly closed behind him.

The moment I knew he was gone, I hit the floor. I was in a million pieces again. Being strong in front of him was exhausting. But I couldn't have him out on the road worrying about me. I had to suck up the pain for him. I had to get myself together...

Peeling myself off the floor, I manage to throw on a pair of jeans, a tank, and one of Justin's hats before heading out the front door. With everything that's happened, the panic of what happened with the line was out of my thoughts. I thought worst case scenario I would have to use that license that cost me nearly two hundred thousand dollars.

Note to self. Find that bill.

Troy's office was busy. Every phone was ringing, every person was running around. I wouldn't say this was the best time to deal with yet another problem, but maybe that was why I didn't run my own office.

"Arabella. It's great to see you again." Toni says as I walk in the office. "Troy is waiting for you, go on in."

"Thanks."

His office door never felt so heavy before. My potential future rested on what was behind that door. I turned the knob and opened the door.

"Arabella Kinsey, the amazing designer herself has just walked through the door of my office. I will have to call you back. But I am thinking we will have to take legal action as soon as possible. Get the paper work ready." He hung up the phone, stood up from behind his enormous mahogany desk to greet me. "How are you Arabella?"

"As well as can be expected... a little worried... stressed... I could go on and on."

"Is something else going on that I should be aware of?"

"Where to start?" I joked.

He shuffles around some papers on his desk, stacking them in a neat pile. "I should tell you, anything that has your name on it, from tabloids to actual articles usually crosses my desk. So I have seen a lot of what you have been going through. Obviously most of it ends up tabloids but you have to be going through a lot."

"Well considering..." I look over at the wall and saw the clock said, 2:09, "my father's funeral services started about nine minutes ago, it's just going to be another one of those days."

He looks up from the stack of paperwork on his desk. "Why are you here and not at your father's services?"

"I'm not allowed near the funeral. I don't even think I am supposed to think about being at the funeral."

"Arabella- we can do this some other time... this has to be..."

I interrupted him, "Its fine. I chose my life; I have to deal with the consequences. Now let's move on. What is going on that I'm not aware of?"

"Well... I received a package here at the office while I was in Paris. I get sent sketches, samples, ideas all the time so this isn't unusual but when I returned I finally opened it..." he picks up the box off the floor, placing it on the desk in front of us. "When I opened it, the first thing I saw was three sheets of cardstock paper with sketches on them. They were remarkable. My first instinct was I had to find out who sent this to me. I had to get them here to at least see if they had more talent than just three pair. I began to dig down in the box and there was a sample of each shoe. The quality of the design of the shoe and the design of the actual sample were completely different. It looked like two separate people had done this... So I examined them both and the more I looked at the sketches the more I thought I had seen this work done before..." He slides the sheets over to me.

Three sheets of paper I was very familiar with. Three sheets of paper I had searched high and low for. I gasp escaped my lungs. "These..."

"They are your work. The lines of the arches, the details, everything looked like your work. You have this impeccable talent that I haven't seen in a long time, I knew something was wrong."

"I lost these... or at least I thought I lost them." I realize at that moment what he said, "Someone made samples of these? Someone stole this design and actually made it into a shoe? Tried to get you to front the money for the line of these?"

"Yes. I already have my lawyer on the situation. You have a patent on this correct?"

A smile runs across my face. "Yes... actually Justin burned that into my brain when I first started sketching for this line. The patent was put on them before I lost them." I was glad at that moment that I listened to what he said. "What do we do now?"

"We wait on the lawyer to get this ready. Until then, unfortunately these three designs have to be put on hold. Even though they would probably be the stand outs of the entire line."

"Those were my favorite." Those were the ones I designed with the inspiration of Justin's music.

"Well we can get them ready with samples and get everything very hush hush on them. Then release them hopefully with the line. Who are you having work with you on the line?"

"I believe Jack and Holli were designated for me."

"Well take Jack. Holli is..." he trailed off. "She is going to be unavailable now."

I was confused, I didn't care too much for her but I figured if she was working for his company then she knew what she was doing. "What do you mean unavailable?"

"As soon as the papers are drawn up, she will no longer be working for the company."

My face dropped. I was stunned but then it hit me. "She took them while I was at the studio that day... I knew I had them that day, I knew I brought them with me... Oh my god... I can't believe she did this..."

"Well believe it. She is being let go from her position with the company this afternoon when the lawyer files the lawsuit. It will all happen very quickly. I should tell you, don't have any contact with her. Don't go into the design studio today. Avoid it at all cost."

I was furious. My hands began to tremble. Anger fills the void of emptiness. "So when she walks out on the streets of Manhattan it's perfectly fine for me to beat the hell out of her?"

He laughs, "No that may make things a little worse than they already are."

"Shit."

"I understand the frustration... she saw how talented you are and tried to take advantage. I'm glad they were sent to me. That was her second mistake."

"Well... this is the exact way this day should continue."

"I'm sorry for you loss. I'm sorry for whatever is going on... You have a good man by your side to help you through everything. Take advantage of having him there."

I felt the tears about to flow again, the lump has returned in the back of my throat. "He's not really there... I mean don't get me wrong, he is great guy and has been through everything with me. I love him so much but it's hard to wake up in the middle of the night and not have him there next to me or when I just want to break down and have his shoulder to cry on..."

"He is on the road right now?"

"Yes." I lowered my head. I dreaded the idea of that empty apartment, that empty bed...

"Let's get through the next couple days and we will see how things are going. Be prepared to be hounded once this lawsuit hits the scene. You have to know by now that your name is attached with Justin's and they are going to run with this faster than you want it to. You need to let Justin know what's going on as well." His phone buzzes, "Yes, Toni... that would be wonderful, bring it in." He looks up at me with a smirk on his face, "Since I gave you such horrible news, how about some good news?"

"Sure. I'm always ready for that!" I didn't have a clue what he was referring to but any good news was going to be great right now.

Toni opens the door and holds it for two men bringing in boxes and boxes, sitting them down on the floor. My face lit up when I say the name printed on the side of the brown boxes. In cursive handwriting, The Arabella Kinsey Collection, underneath the name it said "Bells". The emotions took over. I knew at that moment those were my shoes.

"Go ahead..." Troy said as I leaped out of my chair to tear into those boxes. The smell of leather fills the air. There they were. The very first ten pair of heels ever made with my name on them.

"Wow." is all I could manage at the moment. The lifelong dream, the clarity, and the joy that came in those boxes were comforting.

My hand glides over the top of the solid white box with a logo spurring across the top, in classic black lettering, highlighted with a hint of blue shadowing. That was my name on that box. Lifting the lid the inside was a bright blue, as was the dust bag, and the same color that settled on the sole of the heel. Each detail I spent years obsessing over was being held in my hands, as a finished product. Tears start to run down my face.

Troy takes one pair at a time out of the boxes, placing them on his desk. He looked at them; he got quiet, nodding his head as he looked at the detail. "They did a perfect job at recreating the creations you had."

"You approve?" I asked.

He chuckles, "They're incredible."

I felt relieved; I snapped a photo of them setting on the desk and sent it to Justin. I wish he was here to see these and to share this moment with me. "What do we do now?" I asked.

"We test them out... let's start now." He presses the intercom button. "Toni, bring in two females and a male from the office. We are testing something out."

Two minutes later there is four people staring at my shoes. Staring at me like I was on display. Three of the four women love them, the other questions the blue sole, and she asked "Why are they blue? Is there a meaning or purpose for it? Why is the collection Arabella Kinsey and the name of the line Bells?"

Troy looks at me to explain.

I looked at them anxiously awaiting my answer. "I wanted something to make the shoes a signature. So the blue soles will be something that will be on every single shoe I design. As for the name, Arabella Kinsey is obviously my name and Bells is what my boyfriend calls me. I saw this line as that part of who I was, which also ties in the blue soles. I call him Lake." I laughed; it's a strange conversation to have with people who don't know us. "So Lake, water...blue just brought the two together."

She nods her head. "I like them. I really like them. I like the detail that's put into every inch of the shoe. I also like the person touch, the personal meaning behind the line and color. Nicely done."

Troy looks over at Luke, the graphics designer who is going to be looking at them for the next several weeks, "What do you think Luke?"

"I think that my new wife would look amazing in each pair of them. They have a level of sexiness but also a level of sophistication."

Troy thanks them all and they leave the room, "The line will do fine... it will do better than that but I'm not getting too ahead of myself yet."

"Is there anything I need to do?" I asked, hoping he would have something to keep me busy for the next couple days.

"Sketch. Design more. Take that box with you, wear them, wear them every day. Every time one of those paps take your photo, they are promoting your collection. As the stock comes in we will make sure to get you a pair of each of them. I have to talk to PR but I believe we are pushing for a fall release."

"Fall, doesn't that line release like a month from now?"

"Yes." he said with the biggest grin on his face.

The nerves start to flutter back. This was really happening. This was happening with no one to share it with. It was just like my father to make such an amazing feeling and happiness dissipate at the thought of him. He would never get to see me actually succeed. He will never get to see what a life I could live without the Bloodline. He will never get to know how happy I really am with Justin.

Leaving Troy's office, I didn't want to be back in that apartment just yet, spending the nights alone having the time to think through my thoughts and dealing everything that has been thrown at me for the last couple weeks. I drove and drove until I found myself outside of my parent's house. The coldness that I always had when I would pull into that driveway was still there as I sat on the curb. I climbed out of the car, staring at what used to be. I was managing the emotions until I saw Gary step out of the gate and look at me. He had tears in his eyes and I hit overload. I ran up to him embracing his hug.

"I have missed you." He says squeezing me tight. "It's just not the same around here with you gone."

"I have missed you so much. I think about you every day." I said to him as I step back and look at him. "How are you doing?"

"That's a question I should be asking you. You look like you have been crying for days."

"That's because I have been crying for days... it seems like when it rains it pours."

"Is everything ok with you and Justin?"

"Yes. Justin is the best thing that could have every happened to me."

"So, you have no regrets?"

"No. I do wish I could have been with my family during this time for the support and to support everyone else but it doesn't change the fact that I'm happy with the choice I did make."

"I fought for you to be at the services today, I fought hard but I'm a nobody to this family and my voice doesn't matter."              

"That was my father..." my voice broke. "I deserved to at least say goodbye. I do understand the choice I made was against his wishes but...  the idea that a child cannot say goodbye to a parent is beyond crazy even for this family. Maybe if I would have been the poster child for them, things could have been different. Maybe even my father would be alive... "

"Don't you ever for a minute think this was your fault. They were the adults; they should have supported their child at the end of the day. I think you made the right choice. I think that you deserve happiness. Whatever that may be, if that's Justin, designing shoes, Gavin, or being a doctor. If you're happy, the right choice was made. Your father's death was inevitable. He knew it was coming, he chose to hide it from everyone."

My jaw dropped, "He knew he was sick? When did he find out?"

"He had known for quite some time. I only found out a couple weeks before the day you were supposed to get married. When I found out he swore me to secrecy that I wouldn't say anything. When he became too ill and fainted, I went to your mother. I couldn't believe that he had known for as long as he did and didn't say anything."

I couldn't believe what he was telling me. My father knew he was going to die and not only did he know he kept it from everyone for months. He was selfish and didn't care enough to let his wife and children know that his life was being cut short. I knew deep down that Gary wouldn't lie to me. I knew that my father was worse than I ever imagined.

"Arabella..." he continued, "the only thing he was worried about was you not marrying Gavin. He knew that you could never be able to love him. He didn't care. He had an arrangement with the Alexander family that was determined to make the Kinsey/Alexander families in control of that hospital. They had not a care in the world for any of the children that would be affected. Even on his death bed he was willing to do whatever he needed, even at the expense of his own daughter. I couldn't let you suffer the way the other children had. They had accepted their fate and were content with it. You were unhappy. That's why I always told you to do what you thought you should do, not what they thought. I wasn't going to let you walk down that isle. I was going to stop the wedding somehow. But when I realized that you were in love with Justin, I knew you would make the right choice."

"What if I would have..."

"I wouldn't have let you." He interrupted me, "I would have pulled something out of my ass and made you realize what you needed to see."

"Was this his master plan?" I questioned.

"This was an agreement for as long as I can remember. I remember the day you were born; they were there to give the approval... I watched first hand your father signing a prenuptial agreement that was ironclad and was going to prevent you from ever filing for divorce."

"WHAT? Can they do that?" I rub my hands over my face. I was disgusted and hurt in the same moment.

"They were going to try." He steps closer to me, "but it didn't happen. Life changed the way it should have. You're happy, in love and living your life."

"Thank you for everything Gary! I owe you my life."

"You owe me nothing. I loved you like the daughter I never had and always will."

I reached out and hugged him. He was more of a father to me than my blood father had ever been. It was in that very moment that I realized how much I knew, I had made the right choice.

"I'm going to go. I don't want to get you into a bad place and possibly lose your job. I will forever be grateful to you." I pointed my finger at him, "Always remember that."

I watch as he went back inside the property and I climbed in my car, trying hard to consume everything that was said to me. Everything that happened, everything that was supposed to be.

The ups and downs of this day have made me physically warn out and emotionally drained. I put the key in and turned the handle, the door glided open. I walked into the apartment, kicking off my shoes in the entry way, dropping the box of my collection on the floor. I could see shadow of a silhouette, about my height across the floor. I got really nervous after everything that was supposed to happen today, what if someone got in the apartment. My pulse starts to race; I turn to see he was standing at the window looking out at the view.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as he turned towards me.

Driving back to that apartment was the longest drive in history. So much had been put into my lap. So much had changed in just the time it took to drive into the past and brings things front and center for me to see with my own two eyes. How could I have not seen what was going on right under my nose? How could I have missed that I was brought into the world to benefit them in the long run? It makes me sad that this is how my future nieces and nephews were going to be brought up the same way. If something didn't change, they would live the same life I did. Happy or not. I knew that under no circumstances would my children have to deal with something like a Bloodline. I was happy with my choice. I was glad that every piece of me chose a different path.

The view of downtown New York City was a scene I never got tired of seeing. I loved the tall skyscraper buildings, I love the style and structure of the buildings that only NYC could have. The energy that resides in this city, could never be duplicated anywhere. Growing up in this city was the best way to experience the fast past world that I lived in. Even with all the negative things that have happened in this city, all the heartbreak, all the pain and all the suffering made each person in this country and in the city alone, believe that through anything we as individuals could stand strong and out way anything that came in our paths.

Seeing a shadow of a silhouette of man in your empty New York City apartment was not so comforting. The stories of being mugged and robbed were reality in this city, they weren't just stories. I really didn't think someone could get in this building without some kind of purpose of being in here however at this point you never really know.

I turn to see he was standing at the window looking at the view. My pulse began to calm itself when I saw who was standing there. As glad as I was that it was him standing there I was worried that something had happened to Justin. I hadn't heard from him all day, now that I thought about it. I even sent him a photo of the heels and he never responded.  "What are you doing here?" I asked as he turned towards me. "Is everything ok with Justin?"

He smiled, "Justin is fine. I'm here to see you."

He had that sound in his voice or worry; I knew he had been sent here. "Trace, I'm fine. Really I'm ok."

He tilted his head sideways, "In all the years I have known Justin, I never heard that kind of pain in his voice. I knew that he was at a loss of what to do. When I picked up the phone and heard the tone of his voice when he said my name then there was complete silence on the other side of the phone... I knew something had happened and he needed me. I knew at that moment I was going to be flying somewhere today. But I didn't expect it to be to NYC, for you. He knew you weren't ok. He knew that you were trying to be supportive for him. He knows you, he loves you."

"I was not okay when he left..." I said, breaking up my words, attempting not to cry again. "But I couldn't let him worry about me. I put on a strong face and sent him off with everything I had. However after the evening that I had I think everything has come into perspective. I think the only thing I want in life, is Justin. Nothing else matters." I walked over to the couch and sat down.

"You have no idea how great it is to hear that." Trace said with a sense of release rolling across his face. He sat down on the other side of the couch next to me "I have to tell you. When I first heard from Justin that he was seeing someone new, I was on the defensive. I have watched him broken hearted more times than I care to remember. Being who he is, it's hard for him to meet someone that is genuinely interested in him as a person and not the person he is known for. When he told me you didn't have any clue who he was, I didn't believe that for a moment. Everyone knows who Justin Timberlake is... anyways having the chance to get to know you and to learn the love he has for you I couldn't be happier that he has chosen you."

Getting to know Trace and the person he was is privileged time. I am getting to know a piece of Justin. A piece that has always been there, always by his side, always the friend he needed. "How long is Justin making you babysit me here?"

"Until he is done with the tour." He joked.

"WHAT?" I said.

"I'm just messing with you. He just asked that I stay as long as you needed me. I can stay as long as you want company."

"We'll I appreciate it but you don't have to stay. I know you are very busy with William Rast. I will be fine."

"I'm not going anywhere tonight and we will see what tomorrow brings and we will deal with it then."

Trace only had one request. Dinner. He didn't eat lunch, jumped on the plane and with now he was starving. I hadn't eaten the entire day so I agreed that we should go. I did get to call and explain to Justin what was going on with the shoe line. He said that Troy will make sure things work out. I trusted that I wouldn't have to worry about this, and he would handle it. Justin warned me that press was going to be bad. I was going to be hounded and I would see a different side of this industry that people don't normally get to see. How much worse could it get? He asked if Trace had made it there explaining that he just couldn't leave like that, knowing I was in a million pieces and he had to leave me there all alone.

I was glad it was Trace he sent because I actually get along with Trace.

The apartment was lined with photographers as we walked out the door and down the ramp. The questions immediately start flying. They had questions about the lawsuit, they wanted to know about Justin, and they wanted to know about my father. Sometimes the things they say or the questions they blurt out are very invasive and rude to ask. Sometimes it's just simply not their business.

Growing up for the majority of my life in the New York, I knew my around the city pretty good but when there are forty people surrounding you, in your space, screaming at you, you seem to lose that sense of direction. So after circling the block I need to be on for the restaurant twice, I finally realize where I was and where I needed to be. In the process, I didn't manage to lose a single person following us.

"Brace Yourself." Trace said as we sat in my car, looking at the people surrounding the vehicle. "This is the negative side of falling in love with my best friend."  We both took a deep breath and stepped out of the car. I was surrounded and by people, I couldn't move an inch. They had me trapped in the doorway of my car. Trace ran over to my side of the car, pushing people out of the way. He took my hand into his and pushed our way slowly. Trace was beyond annoyed, I think I heard him say "MOVE!" at least a dozen times among other things. He didn't have nearly as much patience as Justin did with them. Trace hasn't had to deal with it as much or at the level that Justin normally does. Just inside the door I breathed for the first time since I stepped out of the car. The ciaos it was to simply go in to have dinner was overwhelming.

Trace walked over to the hostess and told her we needed a table for two.

She had this perky voice that was perfect for this job. "It's going to be about forty minutes."

Trace looks at me and looks outside, "Is there any way we could get in quicker."

"I'm sorry sir. I don't have any available tables at this moment." She said looking down at the table layout.

"Ma'am" he says looking down at her name tag, "Julie, is it? I come here all the time and I know there are tables they are always vacant."

She knew exactly what he was talking about, she just couldn't figure out how he knew about them. "Would you be interested in sitting on the outside patio?"

"No... we can't sit outside." He started to get annoyed.

"I'm sorry those tables are for..."

He cut her off, "They are for important people or celebrities, I know that. My name is Trace Ayala... this is...."

I stopped him. "Trace we can wait. It's fine."

"Arabella... are you sure?"

She perked up, "Arabella? As in Arabella Kinsey? As in Justin Timberlake's girlfriend?"

I was embarrassed, it creeped me out that people knew my name and I didn't know them. "Could we just sit somewhere out of the view of them..." I pointed out the front door.

"Oh." She said. "Give me just a minute, I will have them set you a table up."

                I stood there, watching the cameras continue to flash through the glass.

"See" Trace said. "Sometimes you have to drop his name."

"I won't do that. I would rather wait."

Julie walked over and told us to follow her, the further we walked the more people took notice. I guess everyone knew about this exclusive seating area. We sat at the table and I could see everyone still staring at me, the back Trace's head but staring right at me. I hoped that they would get tired of staring at my mug and maybe focus on the person they were having dinner with.

"You know this had nothing to do with pushing in front of people, right? The random people surrounding the building taking your photo nonstop needed to be controlled."

I sat in my chair, stiff and still embarrassed, "I just feel wrong using a name to get things faster. My father used to do that all the time. I don't ever remember walking into a restaurant and waiting to be seated. But I would see others and ask why and he would say, it was because they were a different class." I lowered my head, looking down at the menu. I really had hatred for the man that my father was. How dare he talk down to the people he didn't know. How could he think so less of someone without even knowing who they were as a person? But I had guilt about having that hatred against him now. I still knew his entire thought process was wrong and cruel however how could I hate someone so much that I would never see again? How can you hate your own father so much that even in death you can't let things go?

"Arabella?" Trace asked in a concerned tone.

"Could you not call me that please?" I half smiled at him, trying not to cry. I hear anyone say my name like that and I can hear the voice of my father talking to me.

"Are you okay? We can leave." He asked leaning in towards me.

"No. I'll be ok."

"What would you like me to call you then?"

I picked up the wine glass, sipping more than just a sip. "Anything but that."

"Mahahahaha..." he said drumming his fingers together, "Oh you have made a mistake with that one."

I smiled, laughing at him. "I shouldn't have said that."

"No you shouldn't have, but at least I got you to smile again." He said with a level of achievement.

I remained quiet for most of dinner. The twinge of quilt I had made the memory of my father hard to contain. I no longer felt responsible for my father's death but I still felt guilty for never being able to explain myself. I never got to show him how happy I was with Justin.

Not having Justin to crawl into bed next to tonight wasn't going to be easy.

"Arabella Kinsey was seen walking hand and hand into Danube on Hudson Street in the Tribeca area just hours after a twenty five million dollar lawsuit was filed against a co-worker. Kinsey is claiming that, Holli Vantilburg has stolen designs from her upcoming shoe line, which she ironically was wearing at dinner, and attempted to have the designs made under the Vantilburg name. But what's even more of a shocker is who Kinsey was walking into the restaurant with. Her on again off again boyfriend Justin Timberlake is in Detroit for his current stop on his world tour, while she was in NYC with Trace Ayala, Timberlake's childhood friend. Maybe we had it wrong, maybe Justin is the one that needs to watch his back."

Watching the blue numbers on the LED screen continue to climb one by one. The darkness became lighter and lighter. Tossing and turning didn't help. Lying on his side of the bed, taking what scent of his that was left off the sheets in didn't help either. I wanted to be in his arms. There was no other way to look at it.

Quietly I tip toe through the apartment, lacing up my shoes and sliding out of the apartment without Trace hearing me leave. I was sure he wouldn't let me go alone, and that was something I needed at the moment. Deciding to put on my running shoes and take in the brisk early morning air was the best choice. Running was a good way to decide things or a good way to clear your mind. I couldn't do either at the moment.

I prepared myself for what might be a nightmare as I walked out the front door. But there was no one. There was no one around. No clicking of a camera in the background, no one staring at me... it was a morning run like I always remembered it to be. I almost wanted to do a happy dance right on the street. But that may have drawn some attention I didn't want.

I ran for hours, the cool wind in my face started to turn into warm air. I hadn't realized how much time had actually passed. I watched the sun rise up into the morning skyline from a bench in central park. The thoughts I was attempting to escape from are still running through my mind. I had lost everything I had known in my life, but gained everything I ever wanted. I couldn't understand my father's thought process on anything he had done. I understood that he was something that was passed on from generation to generation, but that doesn't make it right. How could my entire family think it was the right thing to do? How could the Alexander family do the same thing to their children? How could my mother want this or her children? How could she live with those choices?

Justin seemed to outweigh everything.

"Excuse me miss..." I heard a deep aged voice ask. I looked up at him to see an older man, looked to be in his seventies. "Can I sit here?"

"I'm sorry. Yes. Please, sit." I responded scooting closer to the other end of the bench, giving him room to sit.

He sat down next to me with his Wall Street Journal and started to read it, more than likely the same thing he has done for longer than I have been alive. Page my page he flips through the paper. That was something I will never get to see my father do? I'll never get to see him live any kind of normal life, not that he ever sat in central park but that kind of solitude and grace I will never get the chance to see. I will never get to see a pattern that my brother will get into. I was going to miss those little things you never think about, until they are gone. But Justin, I will get to see this side of Justin. I will get to see the love of my life have these simple moments. I will get to see him for who he will be in thirty some years.

"Ma'am?" He asked politely interrupting my thoughts.

I looked over at him, "Yes, sir..."

"What has you consumed in your own thoughts?" he asked.

His words were an eye opener. I didn't think anyone could read me like that. "I'm sorry. Am I thinking out loud? Am I interrupting you?"

"No... you should smile more... I have never seen such an empty face, such a stressed look over someone's face." I studied his face. I could see the lines on his face, lines that told a story I was unaware of. "Didn't anyone ever tell you, you're worth more than living in this sad place? Whatever is making that light in your eyes, choose that... Choose the option that brings life back into your face."

The old man said I should smile more, so I gave him my best smile and I traded my sorrow for some of the old man's pride. Seeing that man's face, seeing the passion he had in his words made me see that I couldn't live my life in worries. I have never wanted much, just a place to rest my head, and a steady heart to dance with. I had both and I was going to get both.

"Thank you." I said to him as I watch several cameras coming in my direction. I hit the ground running again. This time it was a little more difficult. I ran as fast as I could back to my car, losing the paparazzi a couple times before I saw more come out of nowhere. What felt like an eternity, finally I see my car in the distance. Those pesky photogs were persistent, if anything. I have learned the art of ignoring they comments and questions.

I slide into my car, cranking the air conditioner trying to cool down a little. My phone in the consol of the car was blinking. Fuck. I didn't want connections to the outside world I wanted a moment alone. But scrolling down my missed call list, I knew I had an entire army out looking for me.

I send a quick text to Justin and Trace asking to call off their army, I was fine. They had everyone around the country worried about where I had ended up. His mother in Tennessee was scared and left a voicemail crying. Jack who was still in Los Angeles gave me the gangsta, I'm going to hurt you when I see you voicemail and between Justin and Trace they left a couple worried messages, then a couple hasty ones. So it was no surprise when his picture came across the screen just seconds after I sent the text. Justin is freaking out when I pick up the phone. "...You can't go for a run and not have your phone. Especially at the time when the paparazzi are crazy to get a shot of you.... You scared the hell out of me."

"I'm sorry, I just needed... to breathe." I tried to explain myself.

The worry in his voice was still there. "Are you okay Bells? I can fly to you."

"Justin-" I interrupted him.

He didn't stop rambling though. "Babe, I'm worried about you... I hate being on the road and your there and..."

"Justin-" I said again. "Hush for a minute."

"You scared the shit out of me today Bells." I could see him pacing around the room, with his pulse raising as the moments still pass. He was stressing himself out. "When Trace called and said he couldn't find you I began to panic..."

"I'm sorry. Really I am." I pleaded. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. But I'm fine. I promise you, I'm okay. Everything is okay."

"Are you sure? Because I can leave this tour..."

"Justin-" I demanded. I had only one thing I needed to say to him. "I love you."

He was silent. Something told me that this had nothing to do with me. He was having a hard time believing that I was okay. I wasn't okay until about twenty minutes ago when I was given wise words from a stranger. I wasn't okay when he left, I lied to him, I told him I was okay. I wasn't.

I returned to the apartment and got a lecture from Trace. I knew they cared about me and that's why they were worried, but I had never had someone care that much about me. No one has ever cared to even look for me. The afternoon in that apartment with someone that was still angry with me, drug on forever. I couldn't go anywhere without being hounded. I was supposed to stay out of the design office, I couldn't do anything and I was going stir crazy.

Then it hit me, that old man's words came rushing back to be as I sat at the table eating dinner with Trace. I knew what I wanted, and what I needed to do.

I picked up my phone, opening a new email.

Troy, I know that there is so much that needs to get down before the release of this line in a month. However I need to take some time to myself. Since the lawsuit was filed, less than 24 hours ago, the paparazzi have been worse than ever imagined. I literally have individuals camped outside of the apartment, just waiting for me to leave. So I have decided I'm going to join Justin on the road for a couple days. I think I had too many things happen at once. I will be in L.A to oversee the photo shoot for the line, next week. If there is any problems don't hesitate to call me. -Arabella Kinsey

I laid the phone down on the table, release came in the simple task of sending and email.

"What are you all smiles over there?" Trace asks as he pushes his food around on the plate.

"I just made a decision."

"And..." he asked.

I pushed my dish to the center of the table. "Pack your bag Trace, you can leave now."

"I'm not going anywhere." He said defensively.

"Then you are going to be in this apartment all by yourself." I stood up at the table, "I'm going to go be with Justin... I'm going to spend some quality time with him on the road."

The stress and the worried had released from his face. "I knew you would make the right choice."

Within minutes I was packing a suitcase. My phone started to buzz again.

"Take all the time you need. Everything is being handled and you will get final approval of all the photos anyways. If you can't make it to L.A., let me know. You have done everything you could possibly have done from here. I will keep you in the loop with everything that is going on but don't feel obligated to do anything. Take care of yourself.-Troy"

The feeling of knowing I was doing the right things filled my thoughts. Trace and I both got a flight to where we were headed and parted ways at the airport. When I arrived in Chicago it was dark. I knew Justin was already at the venue and he was likely already on the stage.

            I was right. He was already a good forty minutes into his set. I was later than I thought it was. I talked to the security and me gave me a spot on the floor to watch the show. I was nervous to be in that crowd alone but I maneuvered my way into the crowd. It was dark, no one noticed me sliding in there. He was finishing up a song so the focus was all on him.

 He sat on a stool in the center of the stage. He began to speak. "I tested out a song about a month ago on the crowd in New York City... they seemed to love it so much it was plastered all over YouTube..." he laughs and it makes the world as I know it so much better. "Now, tonight I would like to test out another song on you. I wrote this song for someone that has taken my world my storm. It's been a rough couple weeks for us personally..." I can hear his voice start to crack. He was going to cry, I could see the water building up in his eyes. He looks up at the lights, hoping to contain his emotions. "I'm sorry." He exhales deeply. The crowd roars and makes him realize that he does have the world in the palm of his hands, "I spend a lot of time on the road and away from the people I love most in the world. I love my fans and I wouldn't trade this part of my job or anything but sometimes it's hard to be away from those people... before I get to deep and cheesy I will play the song for you..."

He lifts the guitar onto his lap, placing the strap around his neck and resting it on his shoulder. He starts to strum a few cords on the acoustic guitar. He began to sing after a few chords. "I hope you're doing fine out there without me... Cause I'm not doing so good without you..." he closed his eyes, feeling everything he was saying. "The things I thought you'd never know about me... were the things I guess you always understood... So how could I have been so blind for all these years... I guess I only see the truth through all this fear, of living without you..."

His foot began to tap on the stool. "Everything I have in this world and all that I'll ever be, could all fall down around me... just as long as I have you right here by me."

"I can't take another day without you... cause baby I could never make it on my own... I've been waiting for so long just to hold you... and to be back in your arms where I belong...Sorry I can always find the words to say... everything I ever known gets swept away inside of your love..." He looks down in my direction. I look back at him, staring right into his eyes. "Bells..." he said breathlessly into the mic. I nodded my head yes, trying not to sob at that very moment. "I love you." He says that and it's all it takes. He plays the next chords of the song, singing directly to me, "Everything I have in this world and all that I'll ever be, could all fall down around me... just as long as I have you right here by me."

He stood from that stool, placing his guitar on the stage, standing right in front of me is everything I will ever need in my life. He stood there just looking at me, finally jumping off the stage and between the barricades. He wrapped his long fingers around the curve of my jaw line, pulling me into his face. As his lips met mine the crowd of thousands began to cheer. He lifted me off the floor and over that barricade. He held on tight spinning around. "I love you. I love you."

"I love you, Lake." I said back to him. I placed my hand on the back of his head, feeling his hair in between my fingers. "Now finish your show so I can crawl into bed with you."

He jumped back up on that stage, pulling the microphone from the stand. "I'm sorry for the little interruption..."

"Sources close to the couple are saying that the relationship is fine but Justin's mother isn't happy with Arabella. Justin has always been a momma's boy and if she doesn't approve of the relationship, she is going to be moved out his mansion faster than she moved in" -People Magazine

Happily ever after. Ha I think whoever started that theory obviously never dated a celebrity. I have to be on my toes at all time. Never for a moment can you think something is nothing. Every single move I make is scrutinized. Every breathe I take it's a new wave of drama.

"Could it be wedding bells for Arabella and Justin or could it be a moving truck? Our sources tell us it's far from wedding bells. So far in fact that, they are putting only weeks left of this relationship."-US Weekly

I don't know what made me make the choice to date someone like Justin. Never seeing him is the worst part. I wanted to crawl into bed with him at the end of every day and I wanted to wake up next to him every morning. I didn't however want crazy tabloid stories about our lives in the news every day.

"Arabella was seen jetting out of JFK, leaving Justin's long time best friend Trace to board his own flight while she runs back into the arms of Mr. JT. Later in the night, concert goers were treated to a newly written song by Justin, where he expressed his love and emptiness being away from Arabella while on the road. Only to find out she was standing in the audience. A romantic surprise visit from her or a guilty conscience?" The reporter continued. "It's the story of the month. She went from a complete unknown to an overnight sensation. Arabella Kinsey has gained more than just a superstar boyfriend. Are the reports true that she has been secretly seeing Justin's best friend and business partner, Trace Ayala? Could Justin be having a feeling of Déjà vu? Surely he wouldn't let it happen to him twice."

Click. The television went black.

I look over my shoulder and see Justin, not so happy. I wasn't sure if he believed that something was going on with Trace and I or if he was simply ticked off that I was once again watching the nonsense on the television. What happened with Trace and Justin in the past that I wasn't aware of? Had Trace really betrayed Justin like that?

I lifted the sheet and sat up on the bed. I felt his arms pull me back down. "Where are you going?" he asked, snuggling his chin into the curve of my neck. I didn't have any words to say. I didn't know what to say. I closed my eyes, trying to convince myself that there was no way Trace could have done this. The Trace I knew would never to do that to Justin in a million years. If I was that wrong about who he was, what makes my judgment on anyone else valid. I got up out of bed, pulling away from him. Could my judgment have been that far off?

A bathroom as grand as this one, looked like it belonged in a magazine and not in a hotel. All the antique fixtures around the room were probably worth more than most people's salary. Splashing water on my face doesn't help so why I continued to do it over and over again boggles my mind. I stepped into the doorway, watching him from the doorway lay on the bed, stretched out under the covers. He looked tired. He looked worried. Maybe I was worrying myself now; he looks like he just woke up.

Picking up his t-shirt off the floor I cover my naked self up and swallow the lump in my throat. "Trace betrayed you?" I asked without even thinking, regretting the words the very second they come out of my mouth.

He lifted his head off the pillow and looked in my direction, sitting up slowly. "What?"

I walked over to the bed slowly, climbing to sit in front of him. "Trace had a relationship with someone from your past, while you were dating them?" I questioned, hoping to get an answer I wanted to hear.

He shook his head. "I think I said before those programs were full of lies."

"But you also said that a percent of the story is actually the truth. Which percent of that story is correct?"

"This is something I normally wouldn't have to tell someone. This is something that everyone already knows. Well, they would know at least some of the story."

"Well I don't know. I live under a rock... or two. I'm your girlfriend and I'm asking to know a little about your past..."

"It's a great thing that you don't know a lot of me, that's rare. I think that's why we have worked so great together." He said attempting to guide the conversation in a different direction. "Rob's new girl knows everything about him..."

"Justin-" I said aggravated interrupting him. I knew what he was trying to do. I knew that he didn't want to talk about it. "Don't change the subject."

He threw his head back. "I haven't talked about this in a very long time. I do believe I blocked it out of my memory..." he shook his head trying to figure out the words to say, "Trace never betrayed me. But I did have a so called best friend that slept with my girlfriend... and not just once. I have to say though, he was a better person for coming to me and telling me the truth. She denied it until the end."

A light bulb had turned on, it all made sense now. "Cry Me A River." I said, piecing together the ties of his words.

"Yes." he nodded his head. "Never Again. Go Away. Still On My Brain. Last Night. The list could go on and on about the hurt and betrayal I went through at that time. He turned out to be someone I couldn't have in my life and her... I was her happily ever after, she just wasn't mine. Everything happens for a reason."

"It wasn't Trace." I stated with relief.

"No. Trace would never."

I felt the pressure release that surrounded my airway. I wasn't wrong. I dropped my head into my hands, a smile crept up on my face. "Thank god." I mumbled.

His hand went to my face, pushing my chin in the air. "I know you would never go there with my best friend. I know you have more respect for me."

"I love you. I love every fiber of you." I said scooting closer to him.

"I love you." His face was saying something else. "Is there something wrong? Is there something you're not telling me?"

"After everything that's happened in the last six months of my life. I... I..."

"Babe what is it?" he continued to gently rub his thumbs over the slightly flushed cheeks.

"Standing on that arena floor, listening to your words, seeing your emotion..." I thought back to that old man in the park, "I had some wise words spoke to me yesterday when I disappeared and well, I wanted to say that I just want to be with you."

Lightening the tense look on his face, he says "Well I hope so!"

"I'm serious. I would give everything else up. If faced with a choice, I choose you. Nothing in my life is more important than you. You're the light in my eyes, you give me light in my life...."

He takes his hand, placing it over my heart. "I would never make you choose things over me. I love every beat of your heart. I meant every single word of that song last night. It's exactly what I wanted to say to you."

The words were honest and pure. There was nothing more important to me than him. He had made it clear that this was exactly what he wanted as well. My family may have given up on me but I had him to stand beside me through anything that came into our lives.

            I still hoped that my mother would accept me for the choices I had made, and accept Justin for who he was going to be in my life. I would even settle for them to simple accept that I made a different choice than they did. They didn't have to approve of my decision but they could support me. A girl can dream right?

            With that not in my control, the things I did have control of had some decisions to be made. Even though I wasn't supposed to be thinking about work, there were some things I had been putting off making a decision on that needed some attention. I was weighing all the options. If I allowed the line of shoes to be distributed throughout the department stores, it would put them not only available across the country, but it would put them across the world. If I had my very own stores, it would be an achievement in its own. I wanted both options. I wanted it all. Troy suggested I put them in other's stores first, but I don't think that's what I was leaning towards.

"Bells?" Justin looked across the bus at me on the computer.

I glanced up at him over the rim of my glasses. "Yes."

He raised his eyebrows, "You look sexy in your glasses."

"Thanks, I think... is that what you wanted?" I asked as he continued to stare at my face, I removed my glasses dropping them to the table.

"I lost total concentration when you had those on. Very sexy.... Damn..." He shook his head.

"Earth to Justin. Come back to me..."

"Sorry... Come here... look at this."

I walked over to the couch as I saw the television screen rewinding something.

"There." He stopped the screen, pointing "Aren't those your shoes?"

I turned my head to see a pair of my shoes on the feet of someone I had no clue who it was. But I had seen the face quite often on those tabloid shows. "How did she get a pair of my shoes?"

"You need to call Troy."

I already had the phone in my hand before he said that. I was going to get some answers. The phone started to ring when I asked Justin who that person was on the screen. I needed to start paying closer attention to these people.

"Good afternoon, Troy Carter's office, can I help you?"

"Hi Toni, its Arabella, is Troy in the office?"

She was quiet on the other end of the phone. "Um... he is but he is in a meeting. Is there something I can help you with?"

"Well I don't know actually." I laughed, "Do you know if Troy is sending samples to any stylists or celebrities?"

"I don't think so. From my understanding, your line is under lock and key right now."

"Yea, that's what I thought..." I trailed off.

"Is there something wrong Arabella?" she asked.

"I think that there were more than just samples made of those heels..."I was damn near positive that there had to be more.

I could hear her typing away on a keyboard in the background. Those damn acrylic nails tap on the keyboard very loudly. "Do you think she was distributing them to people?"

"Well I don't know however, this..." Shit. I had forgotten the name already. "London Parks, was wearing a pair of my heels at the premiere of a movie last night. It was just on the television."

"Oh. I don't think we would have sent her anything to start with." The tone in her voice was disgusted. "She is good for press but... let's just say I highly doubt Troy would have sent her something as exclusive as your line. I will find out and call you back." Click. The line went dead.

I looked at the phone to make sure I didn't drop the call. She had hung up on me. I loved Toni, she was a sweetheart, but I got absolutely no answer from her. Her quick hang up wasn't so comforting. My level of trust had been severely broken; did she think this was the best way to handle the situation? Could she have been working with Holli the entire time? I was stressing out over nothing. She knew exactly what was going to happen with Holli and this lawsuit, if anyone knew she did. She saw everything inside and out of that office. If she were involved she would have broken complete ties by now, or at least you would think she would.

The time spent on the road going from city to city was something new for me. Driving long distances wasn't something I had ever done. My family had private planes that would take us anywhere we needed to go. Being on the open road and seeing parts of the country was breathtaking, but more than that, the time I got to spend with Justin was exactly what I needed. He was the breath of fresh air that I needed. This entire trip was exactly what I needed to put my focus back on track. As bittersweet as the end was, I knew I had to get my focus back on work. It didn't help that little twinge of sadness when I saw the miles for airport exit becoming smaller and smaller. I sat with my fingers intertwined into his. We were both quiet, we didn't want this weekend to end but it had to. I had to be in L.A. today and he would be there in just a few days. I could handle this. We could handle this.

            I stepped out of the vehicle and onto the plane heading west. The plane landed me safely at LAX. Things seemed more and more familiar each time I was here, even the craziness of the cameras in my face. I had gotten used to driving on the freeway and I had learned the basic layout of the city. The GPS unit was still the best invention when I would get lost, which happened more than I would like to admit.

The one thing I could find was Starbucks. I think I had an automatic sniffer out for any and all coffee shops. The aroma of coffee bean was home for me. It didn't matter where I was in the world, coffee would be there for me. I ordered my normal and waited for my number to be called. Did I mention I was patiently waiting? There were dozen people waiting in front of me with their ticket in hand. I was keeping my cool.

That was until the person behind me decided it was the right choice to sigh in frustration each time her number was not called. Did she really think that her number, which was behind mine, was going to be called before the fifteen in front of her? But when she started to tap her foot off the tile floor in frustration I had enough. I looked down at her foot tapping on the floor. They were my shoes. Those were the shoes. Mine. I looked up at the person wearing them. None other than London Parks in the flesh.

"Excuse me, may I ask the brand of those shoes?" I ask politely.

She placed her hand over her chest and spoke as if I should be jealous of her. "My dear friend gave me a preview of her line. Aren't they fabulous?"

Why must someone speak in their ‘fake' voice? It was highly annoying and blatantly obvious that it was not their actual speaking voice. But I knew it. I knew that was my design. "Oh really. What's her name?"

"Holli Vantilburg. They will be in stores everywhere soon." She began to ramble as I was looking down at the shoe, the details, and the color. "She has remarkable talent don't you think?" She looks down at them, moving them around for me to see. "Her assistant dropped them off to me last week."

Her assistant? Really, she needed an assistant to manage what? I couldn't hold my thoughts in any longer. "Well considering that she did the entire layout of the heel incorrectly, the detail is supposed to start the tip of the heel not after the peep toe. The color is off by about three shades and the quality... Well the quality is a lot cheaper than it's supposed to be." Her face stood still. I wasn't sure if she was shocked or it was all the Botox that was preventing her face from moving. I simply stood there with a smile on my face.

She placed her hand on her hip, bobbing her head back in forth, yet her face still didn't move. It had to be Botox, I thought. "I'm sorry but who do you think you are scrutinizing the work of someone else."

"Considering that very shoe you are wearing is in the midst of a multimillion dollar lawsuit, I believe I would be the only one to know if the heel was correctly designed or not. I'm the original designer of that heel."

"I don't know what you're talking about." She stuck her nose up in the air.

They called my number, I picked up my coffee turning back to her, "The name is Arabella Kinsey, I suggest you contact your lawyer because those are stolen designs you are wearing on your feet." Just as I went to walk away I turned back to her, "Some great friend you have there. Maybe you should check out my line, when it actually releases." I walked out of that coffee shop with an adrenaline rush. I know I shouldn't have spoken to her, I knew that. However the tapping of the foot like she was a child was annoying.

Pulling in the studio parking lot I see my new best friend waiting for me outside. Darrell, my security, he was a hilarious guy and kept me entertained but I still didn't like the idea of having a baby sitter the entire time I was out in public somewhere. He kept his distance when he needed to and stayed close when he knew he needed to be.

"Hi, Darrell!" I said waving to him.

"Good Morning Arabella, how was your flight?"

I swung my bag over my shoulder and walked towards the entrance. "Ugh, it was a flight..." I laughed. "I'm here now."

I walked through the doors to find everyone buzzing around me. I made a B line through the room when I spotted Troy talking to the photographer, Bryan. They had completely different views on how the photos should be taken. I was on Troy's side, he knew the line, and he knew what would work.

"Arabella" Troy yells as he spots me. "What do you think?"

I sipped on my coffee, "I think you should call the lawyer and add another name to that list..."

He looked confused, "What happened?"

"Did Toni talk to you at all?" I asked.

"I haven't seen Toni all morning. What is going on?"

The idea that Toni was involved still rattles my thought process however, I was suspicious now. "I called Toni Saturday; she said you were in a meeting."

"Arabella, I wasn't in the office this weekend. I was in Miami before flying here today. I think you need to tell me what's going on." He was now suspicious.

As I sat and explained to him the details he began to have the same doubts. I wanted to believe that Toni didn't know anything. I wanted to believe that she was simply busy and didn't have the time, maybe she forgot to ask Troy, but why would she say he was in a meeting when he wasn't even in New York. I wasn't a random person she didn't have to lie to me and make some excuse. So why did my gut feeling say she was hiding something. All signs point to her.

He asked me to talk to the photographer and get things right for the shoot while he went and talked to the lawyer. I guess I wasn't the only one that thought there was something else going on.

I stepped out of the room to see him already taking photos. I watched for a moment, trying to see what he was attempting to get from the photos. "No." I said to the photographer who turned and gave me the evilest look on his face. His vision was not the vision of the line. He wanted to show the ‘youngness' of the line, when in reality that's not what the line was about. The heels were intended for a sophistication and sexiness of a woman. Not a seventeen year old model that looks like she hasn't eaten in a month.

"I'm sorry; this is the vision that was decided upon for this line." He turned back around and started telling the model how she should be standing.

"This is my line and I don't want a model that weighs less than the heel does in the photos. I'm telling you right now, you are wasting time and money because I won't use any of these photos."

            I heard him venting to his assistant that I was firing the hottest model on the scene right now and that I would be sorry but I had a look I wanted and no one would change that. I scanned around the room looking at the extra models they had. They all looked alike. Blonde, blue eyes, rail thin, and young, very young. I needed someone that looked a little different, someone that just would jump off the pages, and then there she was, standing alone watching every detail that was going on. She looked like she was studying everything that was going on around her. Everyone else seemed to be focused on what I was doing, what I was going to say next. She had the gorgeous chocolate brown wavy hair, lashes a mile long, gorgeous face, and she looked healthy, it was refreshing and a nice difference to see her standing in this room. "You" I said pointing at her.

"Me?" She pointed at herself; a little shocked she stepped back. "I'm sorry, am I in the way?" She turns around to make sure she wasn't in the shot or anything.

I approached her, "What's your name?"

Her face widened into a beautiful smile. "Audrey Bell"

"Seriously?" I asked with the biggest smile on my face.

She nodded her head, "Yes."

"How perfect! Well, Miss Bell how would you like to be the face or the feet of my collection?"

"I'm here only as a background model." She admitted.

"Not anymore" How perfect could that have been to pull someone out of the crowd that just happened to have the last name Bell.

            I took her to the wardrobe area; put her in a pair of William Rast jeans, a white tank, and a black blazer. She didn't need anything else. The focal point should be the heels. All the attention should not be on the backdrop or what the model is wearing. The first thing that should grab your attention is the shoe. I look her over up and down. It was exactly what I thought it was going to be.

            Against what the photographer wanted, he got the shots I wanted. There was no purpose in all the extras for this shoot. With each outfit change, he began to see my vision little by little. I wanted them to be real. I wanted the photos to show the versatility of the line.

            I watched out of the corner of my eye Toni entering the studio, heading straight to find Troy. Could she really be involved? Could I have overlooked that side of her? Why didn't Tony see that she was capable of something like this? She had worked for him for years.

"Arabella" I heard Troy bellow across the room. I turned to see him waving for me to join him. I really didn't want to. But I followed suit and entered the room he was in. She sat beside me with a scared look on her face. She either had no clue what was going on or she knew exactly what we had found out.

Troy sits up straight in his chair, clearing his throat. "Toni, did you have any involvement with Holli in creating copies of Arabella's collection?"

She looked over at me with tears in her eyes, then back over to Troy; she was fidgeting with her hands. "I... I... didn't know anything."

"You didn't have any involvement at all?" he asked again.

She lowered her head, "I knew something was up. I knew that she was attempting something but I didn't know exactly what she was doing." She looked over at me, "I swear to you, I didn't know her plan. I should have said something when I suspected something but I didn't know anything concrete, and I didn't know it was involving Arabella. I promise you."

The sound of her words and the emotion she was expressing was a sure sign that she wasn't lying. She was panicking defending herself, she wasn't trying to cover something up. However there was something that wasn't telling us, she was hiding something. "What are you not telling us?" I asked, running my hands through my hair, pushing my front layer to the side of my face.

She was quiet again; she didn't think I could see that doubt in her eyes. She looked at me, "... I think... I think Jack was involved."

I was stunned, "Who?" I questioned again.

She looked over at Troy and started talking very fast in a nervous tone, "Jack and Holli became very close after they started working on Arabella's line. They were liked joined at the hip. One always went where the other went. If he wasn't involved, he knew something."

"That doesn't make him involved." Troy said.

"Ever since Holli was fired he has been on pins and needles. Like as if he was scared about something."

Troy and I both looked at each other. Could we trust what she is saying? Could she actually be telling the truth?

"Why did you tell me that Troy was in a meeting, when he was really in Miami?"

She shook her head frustrated, "Saturday was a complete nightmare in the office. When you called, I had already told a hundred people that same line. I remembered later what I said to you but I didn't have time to call you back. Sorry, I should have."

Jack chimed in, "What was going on in the office?"

"Do you remember me telling you that there was a missing order for a couple hundred pairs of Arabella's shoes?" Troy nodded his head as she continued, "I was dealing with that issue. I knew there was an order somewhere but I couldn't find it."

"Did you find it?" he asked.

"Yes, the order was placed a while ago, before the line was even done and somehow the order was placed on hold in the system and it was moved into another folder... long story short is, I found it."

I climbed out of my chair and walked out of the door. I saw Jack moving this around on the accessories table. He was the dedicated worker. He was the one that wanted to help me get this line up and successful. "Jack" I said watching his head pop up and come running towards me.

"Hey girl, what's up?" He was cheerful and full of energy this morning. He didn't seem like he would be hiding anything.

"Jack I need you to join us in here."

He entered the room and saw the three of us all with a stressed face. "Is something wrong?" He asked. But he wasn't scared. He didn't seem like he was hiding something.

"Do you know who London Parks is?" I asked him.

"Yes. Everyone knows who she is." He shrugged his shoulders. "I actually met her last week on one of the deliveries. She was a bit of a bitch. Total let down." He bobbed his head around, trying to make his point.

"Delivery?" Troy & I both asked at the same time.

"Yes. She was on my list of people to deliver to last week. There were a couple boxes of things for her, samples or whatever. Holli used to be the one to deliver the stuff to the stylists because she thought she was the one with the most people skills..." he laughed, "but with her gone, someone had to do it. Most of it was already supposed to be delivered."

It was then, in that very moment, I figured it out. "Jack, were you working with Holli? Did you have any involvement with the stolen designs?"

He flipped his head towards me. "Arabella... I knew nothing. I was just as surprised as everyone else." His face was pale and in a state of panic. He was telling the truth. "I wouldn't do that to you."

"She played you as well. Both of you played a part in her little game."

"What?" they all said confused.

"She hid the order, causing you to look guilty of something. She added those boxes in the delivery list, which she should have delivered herself, but then was passed on to Jack. He would take the fall for delivery the packages to London Parks." I continued to explain exactly how she got away with this, "He would be the person that she would have known from the delivery. She had become close to Jack, making it appear as if you were working together on this..."

It took me a little while, but I figured it out. Her master plan had come unraveled. If there was anything she was good at, I guess it would be criminal intent. She managed to cover her tracks and her back steps. She couldn't manage to follow any kind of directions when told to do something. She couldn't follow a sketch to make a shoe, but she sure was great at being a criminal.

Being pampered isn't a bad thing. I loved being a woman and getting to do all the glorious things that we had the privilege of getting to do. I didn't love having my nails done, my make up done and my hair but it was a nice thing to do every once and a while. It was a nice way to relax before getting to do an event like I am about to do. The only thing was I couldn't relax. I was a nervous wreck. My hands trembled as the women attempted to paint my nails. There was a lot of pressure I was putting on myself on this day, everything needed to be perfect. It was my first time on the red carpet as Justin's date. That made me nervous. Even the strange way I grew up, I never experienced the idea of having a ‘first public appearance'. The entire idea behind that was almost as if we were royalty, well he was royalty and I was the common folk he was bringing into his world. Why did it matter if I was on the arm of him or not? I couldn't see the big deal behind being someone's date to an award show. I was ecstatic to be going with Justin and that he wanted to share this special event with me but it was still uncommon.

            "You need to breath Arabella!" her southern voice reined through the salon.

            Justin's incredible mother was just that, incredible. Even though she wasn't going to the event tonight, she wanted to tag along with me today, spend some alone time with me. I was happy to have her with me. "I feel bad that Justin is taking me and not you tonight."

When she speaks, she oozes of southern hospitality. "Honey, I have done this so many times with Justin before. It's time that the love of his life gets to stand beside him as he achieves greatness." Everything about her presence was genuine.

            The entire salon gasps in "Awe's".

            I guess I had to suffer with the pampering and enjoy a night with a man I couldn't see spending my life without. He was flying in today to spend a couple days together before I go back to New York to prepare everything for an amazing release of my collection, or at least I hoped it would be amazing. The first leg of his tour was winding down but that simply meant the second leg would start soon after. I tried not to think that far in advance. I didn't want to think about the miles that would be between us then.

            My decision had been made and I took a large amount of my own money and put a down payment on property in NYC that was going to be the store that carried the entire "Arabella Kinsey Collection." I had agreed to have them distributed as well, but there were be a majority of the collection not available in the other department stores. I wanted the line to be about the collection and not about my name on a heel, inside of a store that carried hundreds of other designers. It was a little bit of a selfish decision, but it was mine to make. I felt like a real adult having to make such huge decisions and it me all on my shoulders. Scary as it was, it was still a great feeling.

            I sat in the chair, staring in the mirror in front of me as the hairdresser removes the hot rollers from my hair one by one. Taking pin after pin and creating a look out of the hair I never do anything with.  I had stacks of proofs in my hand from the photo shoot. I couldn't decide which ones I wanted to use. There were so many good shots. When I picked them up yesterday, Bryan said that he was surprised that he liked them as much as he did. I wasn't sure how to take that comment, but I chose to think it was a compliment of my ideas and visions for the line. If he thought otherwise, I chose to ignore that.

My phone buzzed off the chair, where I wedged it between my leg and the chair.  I look down at the screen, "One hour left of my flight. I can't wait to see you." His simple words light up my face, ever brighter than it already was. How could not seeing someone for just a few days make me feel like this? The butterflies made my stomach go crazy. A crazy sensation I never experienced waves over my body just thinking about him.

"Well don't you look happier!" a petite brunette woman with so much presence, from across the room starts to talk as I glance up in the mirror to see who it was. She was walking towards me, "Whatever you decided seemed to work best for you."

I swung the chair around quickly, standing, reaching out to hug her. "Vera Wang." I said exhaling a breath, "I owe a part of my life to you."

She looked down at my left hand, "I take it you didn't go through with the wedding?"

I waved my ringless left hand in the air. "I couldn't live that life anymore. I couldn't marry someone I didn't love."

"I'm glad you stood your ground. You were clearly not happy with that arrangement."

"It wasn't easy. But at the end of the day I had to be the one to live this life. I actually took your words to heart. I listened to what you told me. So, I owe you a lot of thank you's!"

She shook her head no, "How about you just let me design your actual wedding dress when you marry this guy that has made your life brighter."

Was it weird that every fiber of my being was giddy that someone I really didn't know was genuinely interested in my relationship with this man that's made me happy? "That's a deal... if we ever get married. I will do that." Then I had a thought. "Actually I have a very important event coming up. I should stop by your warehouse and pick something up for the opening."

"What kind of opening are you attending?" She asked, curious.

"It's actually my opening..." I lowered my head slightly in embarrassment. "My line of shoes are releasing in a couple weeks. I would need an amazing dress for it."

Her hair stylists motioned for her to join her. "I think I have the perfect dress from my new line for you to wear..." She turns to walk towards the chair, "Call my office, schedule a time to come in... I'll hook you up!"

"I will do that. Thanks again." I had such warmth of affection for this woman that I barely knew. She had really made an enormous impact on my life. More than I think she would ever know.

The time was ticking; I had to be back at the house before Justin got there. The cars in front of us seemed to be at a standstill on the 405. That's a shocker right? Slowly and when I say slowly, there was no exaggeration on that point. We made it back to the house and I busted through the doors yelling for him but he wasn't home yet.

I danced around the kitchen anxiously waiting for him to arrive. I knew it would be a crazy couple of hours with us both getting ready but it's a great feeling simply knowing he was steps away from me and not hours. I missed that time in your life when you got to be giddy about guys; I was making up for it now with Justin.

Luke needed a decision before morning on the photographs, so he could finish all the designs and prints. However I was nowhere closer to a decision. There were too many options. I spread them out all over the counter, looking at them all at once. I went over each photo, time and time again before I finally asked Lynn to make the final choice for me. She wouldn't do it for me. So I was back to square one. With each photo I lifted close, examining every detail, I found something I loved more about each photo. Maybe I was over analyzing them.

I heard a car door shut and my head popped up and looked over at Lynn. She heard it as well. I dropped the photos back on the counter and skipped to the door. I opened it to see Justin, dropping his bag on the ground and launching straight at me. I wrapped my fingers around his jaw line, pulling his face millimeters away from mine. I dropped my forehead on his chin, taking in his scent. I missed that. He lifted my head up to be level with his, "This is exactly where I wanna be!" He pressed his lips to mine. His hands tangled up in the material of the shirt I was wearing. His lips traveled down the side of my neck, causing my eyes to flutter. "Is my mother still here?" he asked continuing to kiss down my chest.

"Yes." I said frustrated. At that very moment, I didn't want her to be there.

He let go of his grip on me, picking up his luggage. "I guess I should get ready. The limo will be here very shortly to pick us up."

Sexually frustrated now, I bent down picked up the small bag he had dropped on the ground and followed him into the house. Our house.

I watched and studied his face when he was content, his posture when he stood across the room in his towel, his walk when he was sure I wasn't paying attention, his lips when he spoke, his laugh when he was really happy. He was everything I had hoped I would find in a guy. He was more than I ever thought I would ever get to have in my life.

 I removed the soft blue, strapless gown out of the bag, sliding it over my head. The pleats covering the entire bodice flowed perfectly into the gathering on the side. The chiffon material made it appear as if I had a tiny waist I knew I would never have, nor did I want it. The hem rested at the perfect length above the knee. Removing from the box, I pick up the gray color peeptoe pumps, placing them on my feet. The bright blue sole popped off the bottom of the heel. They were perfect.

I saw him down the hallway leading into kitchen. He was talking to his mother and the smile couldn't have been bigger on his face. His entire being lit up when he was in the presence of her. His light grey suit and dark grey tie is going to look great next to my dress. He was even more handsome in a suit than I remember.

"Wow." He said looking over at me. The drink in his hand missed the counter twice as he tried to sit it down. "You look absolutely gorgeous Bells."

My cheeks seemed flushed from embarrassment. "I don't look nearly as good in comparison to be standing next to you."

Reaching out to take my hand, he spins me around, "I don't think I want to go now... I think I would rather stay here and look at you in this dress... in those shoes..." His hand went over the side of my face, "With your hair pulled back like that...." He lands a small sweet kiss on the high point of my cheekbone, rested his head against mine. I could feel the tremble in his chest, the exhale of breath as he hands wrapped around my waist. This was home. In his arms was home.

"Oh, were going somewhere." I whispered. "I didn't go through all this today to look this good to stay in the house."

He lifted his head slowly and whispered seductively. "You are even more stunning in nothing at all, with no makeup..." the warm breath of his words bounced off my skin, "...With me over you..."

My eyes fluttered as I turned my face away from his. "We have to get going, or else we won't be going anywhere."

As much as we both would rather stay in the house and curl up on the couch, we had some responsibilities to take care of.

He opened the door of the limo and I stepped inside. I slid across the seat and look up, seeing a very full limo. So much for alone time. At least the space inside of here wasn't going to waste.

"Are you ready to do this?" Justin asked.

"Yes. I was born ready!"

He steps out of the car, reaches his hand down for me to take his hand. As I stand I see the flashes starting to become nonstop. I flashed my smile at Justin and held onto his hand tight. Justin's management team flowed out of the vehicle and started to instruct us where we needed to be.

The red carpet was not as exciting as it looks on television. The few I seen, looked like so much fun and such high energy. Maybe it was the nervous part of me that wouldn't let me enjoy it. I was constantly worried I was doing something wrong.

With everything going on around me, my focused seemed to remain on him. He consistently licked his lips; it was his sign of nervousness. I watched as he did it again, leaving a thin layer of shine on his lips.

"Did you hear what he said?" Justin asked smiling.

I looked up at him, "No. Sorry I wasn't paying attention."

"He said," he leaned in closer, trying to talk over the crowd screaming behind him. "Justin's gorgeous date is wearing a killer dress and an even better pair of heels. He can't wait to ask you who you are wearing!"

I exhaled a deep nervous breathe.

His cheesy grin still planted on his face, "Ha. That gorgeous woman, in the killer pair of heels is my girl!" He scrunched up his face, puckering his lips, dancing around.

Oh how I loved that crazy man.

The apartment was quiet as I swung open the door, kicking off my shoes in the doorway, dropping my purse on the couch in the living room, and headed straight for the kitchen. My stomach has been growling for hours, just didn't have the time to get anything. I emptied out my tote bag onto the counter, hoping to get through at least some of the little things that needed done before we left for the fashion show tonight. I looked quickly around the house for Justin, but it was super quiet, I assumed he wasn't back yet. I wasn't even sure where he was, I left way to early this morning to even function myself and where I was going, let alone another human being.

            I hopped up on the counter, resting a bowl of Justin's cold cereal on one knee, a stack of ads and paperwork on the other. Even though I was basically eating sugar formed into these little green circles, it was great to have something finally in my stomach. In the hours that I spent talking to people this morning about my shoes, the fashion show, and the store about to open, I had forgotten to eat. Talking about this line made me even more excited for the world to see it on a grand scale. I was ready to share this part of my life with everyone else. I was ready for anything that would come my way.

            A large stack of official documents needed my signature. I wanted to sign them and be done with the untrustworthy criminal but a part of me wanted to know every detail of what she was agreeing to. I had taken a couple legal courses in college, so I knew I had to read every single detail of this document. The State of New York seal, stared back at me. The first box checked, ‘Guilty.' She had taken full guilt of the crime, naming only herself. I was certain she would throw someone under the bus with her, but maybe I was wrong, maybe it was just her involved. The lawsuit had taken a quick turn in the weeks since I figured it all out. Once all the pieces were put together, she had no way of getting out of her lies and cover ups.

She had taken the plea bargain, which I was against giving her. But at the end of it all, I knew she would appeal it as long as she could and this would simply end everything and give me my entire line back. As I continued to read, I came to the part I wanted to read, detailing the time she would spend in jail.

Vantilburg is sentenced to eight years in the New York State penitentiary for women, with the option for parole in four years for good behavior.

I wasn't happy with that part of the deal. At all.

I skimmed through the next few lines before backtracking over a couple lines, "Vantilburg has agreed to pay a lump sum of twelve million dollars to Arabella Kinsey..."

Where the hell was she going to find twelve million dollars to pay me?

I was actually shocked that there was money involved. I assumed that the money portion would be thrown out. Page by page, I got to the end and saw a small handwritten note from Troy.

Arabella, I guess there was a lot we didn't know about Holli. She had a trust fund that was set up by her parents that even she wasn't aware of. When she involved her parents, they said she had to pay the bill with her trust fund. So we came to an amount that I think you will be happy with- ... Needless to say, it's all over with the signature on the bottom of the last sheet

I guess there was more than we knew. I took at the black ball point pen, signed my name to the appropriate line. It was over.

I tried to eat as I worked, but it was serving as a challenge. I couldn't be normal and sit at the table, or even on the couch. I had to sit up on the counter and balance the bowl on my knee. I was deep into the details of the words on those sheets of paper I didn't even hear him come into the apartment. He steps in front of me, taking my spoon out of the bowl and shoveling a large amount of cereal into his mouth. "Hey babe... I didn't know you were here." He attempted to speak, "I-sn th-d-oom" chewing the sugary cereal. He swallowed his mouthful and spoke much clearer, "Sorry." He laughed "I was in the bedroom... Matt and I worked on a song earlier. I was listening to the playback to his vocals... It's incredible."

"Really?" I questioned, "I want to hear it... I would love to meet Matt!"

"He will be there tonight... he wants to meet you as well."

"Is that all you did all day without me around?" I asked staring into his deep blue eyes.

"I had an errand to run earlier..." He moved the glass bowl off of my knee and onto the counter, lifted my leg, removing it from the Indian style I was sitting in. Stepping in between my legs that were now hanging off the edge, he leans in and pressed his lips on mine gently. "His song is about you." I felt his cheek bones lifting and the smile on his gorgeous face widening. "I missed you today." I couldn't remember a single word he had said to me; I wanted to feel him next to me, it's all I could think about. I wanted skin on skin contact with him!

He slid his tongue into my mouth, massaging mine enticingly, making me want more. He moved his hands from my face to my knee, scattering the papers to the floor as his hands moved to the hem of my shirt, pushing it quickly over my head. Immediately running his hands around my back, unfastening the lace bra he loved so much, dropping it to the floor. He quickly unfastened his jeans, dropping every stitch of clothing he was wearing to the floor. He hopped up on the counter, pushing me down onto the chill of marble on the bare skin. He towered himself on top of me; the glass bowl shatters as it hits the floor. He looked down at me, for just a moment, time stopped. The world stood still. Slowly I pulled his face down to mine, whispering in his ear, "I could love you forever."

He backed his face up a few inches, "You were awake?"

"I was awake..." I admitted. "I heard you say it."

He pinned my arms on the counter, "I meant it then, and I know it to be true now."

Several Months Ago, Los Angeles

Exhaustion waved over my entire body, collapsing on that bed finally. Every limb and every muscle needed to rest. He was a workout and a half. Between the counter, the couch, the shower and the bed I was worn out. I needed to reenergize with some sleep before venturing on whatever this day entitled. I was in Los Angeles. Alone, with no supervision. Things could get very interesting. I could see myself and this gorgeous man that has his arms wrapped around me tightly, not leaving this room at all for the next few days. I could be content with that. His touch. His emotion. His hands. Oh his hands...

Lying perfectly still, the adrenaline was preventing me from falling asleep. I didn't want to move too much because he seemed comfortable in the exact position he was in. I made Justin hide in the bathroom. I thought to myself. That was such an impulsive move on my part but I couldn't let my father catch us. If I wanted to spend any time with him at all on this trip, I was going to have to lie... or hide him. It seemed like the only logical thing to do.

"I could love you forever" He whispered in my ear, snuggling his nose against my shoulder.

The massive panic I went through just hours ago felt nothing like the wave of panic I got from his words. Did he just say that? Was I hearing things? There is no way he just said he could love me forever. Who says things like that to people you just met? He didn't know anything about me. What do you say to something like that? Should I reply to him, should I ask questions... No. I thought. If I just lay still, he will think I was already sleeping.

            But sleep didn't come. His words were all I could think about. He could be that person for me. As much as I wanted those words to be a reality, they couldn't be. There couldn't be any kind reality attached to his words.

Still lying in that bed hours later with his wonderful large arms surrounding me, his scent overtaking my every breath. It didn't matter if there could or would ever be any truth to his words. I could at least pretend to do this with the time I had with him. I could pretend to be normal for a little while.

"You look tired?" I said as I handed him a cup of coffee...

            The gorgeous unshaven face of the man I have fallen hopelessly and madly in love with, rested above me, warn out, and covered in a light sheen of sweat. He leaned down and kissed the bridge of my nose and lifted himself up to his knees before climbing off the counter.

"Be careful." He said, "There's glass everywhere." Reaching for my hand he helped me off the counter. There were tiny pieces of that glass bowl surrounding most of floor in the kitchen. It shattered into a million tiny little pieces.

He tip toed across the room for the broom, picking up articles of clothing as he moved throughout the kitchen, tossing them onto the counter. I was stopped in my tracks watching him, completely naked sweeping up the glass. He was my ever after. He was my fairytale. He was the best thing that ever happened in my life.

In such a short time I had changed so much of myself. I had become the person I had always been, but now it was on the surface as well. My loves and passions were the most important thing in my life. Those are the things that mattered in life. It wasn't about the power I could get out of my last name. It wasn't about how much money I could make. It was about my heart. Life is what you make of it, and having a Bloodline was important, but only if that Bloodline meant the love of a family, the love of support, and the happiness of the heart. The only important part of a Bloodline were the people that surrounds you, blood or not, the love you share with them and the way you feel at night when you lay your head down is all that matters.

"Do you remember this?" I asked, standing in the closet of our bedroom. I removed the deep purple dress from the drycleaner back. The simplicity of this dress made me love it so much, I still couldn't believe that my mother had picked this dress out.

He looks up at me from his computer, looking over the rim of his glasses that were perched on his nose. "Isn't that the first dress I crumbled to the floor?"

My jaw dropped, leaving my mouth open. "Justin-" I said not believing he just said that, he made it sound so dirty. I guess I expected him to remember everything from that day, but he only thought at how the day ended.

He walks over to me, pulls me into his chest. "Every moment of that day is etched into my memory. Every. Single. Detail..." He ran the back of his forefinger down the side of my cheek, along my jaw line, over my lips, wrapping his hands around my neck, pushing me face closer to his. "Led me to you." Licking his lips, he tilts his head sideways, placing his lips on mine. He intensifies the kiss, making my entire body lose control.

He releases the grip on my neck, and says, "And to think you didn't want my timber!"

            We both bursted into laughter.

The sun was setting in the lower end of Manhattan. Waves of oranges, yellows, and reds filled the sky. It was the most perfect sky, on an even more perfect day. My hands rested on the rails of the balcony looking out over the city. The cool breeze of the New York late August weather caused the satin of my white dress to blow in the breeze, goosebumps formed on my bare shoulders, the curls of my freshly done hair blew in the wind. I exhaled a deep breath. This day had finally come.  All the dreams I had over the years were coming true one by one.

None of those dreams included passing a midterm, becoming the next superstar doctor of the Kinsey family, or even taking the last name of a man I didn't love. I was Arabella Kinsey. I was the person I had always wanted to be. I was Bells. I was an inspiring shoe designer about to embark on the new world. I was a strong confident woman who could stand on her own two feet no matter what life could throw at her and still make the dreams come true.

"Hey gorgeous!" He voice flowed out in his perfect tone.

I turned around to see Justin standing in the doorway in his black suit. The unbelievable satisfaction I get from that man standing in the doorway was enough for me.

"The car will be here in a few minutes. Are you ready to go?" he asked.

I nodded my head yes. I was ready for the rest of my life.

Walking into the apartment I pick up the remote laying on the side table, un-muting the television I hear the voice of a woman starting to rein through the space. Images of myself sprawled all over the screen, I pressed the arrow button, turning up the volume.

"Arabella Kinsey is about to embark on her life in the fashion world. She debut her line last night in New York City to a surprising hit, there is no question on the natural talent and ability she brought to this line." The warmth of achievement never felt so great. "She may come from generations of doctors, carry the doctrine within her own name, and be dating the most eligible bachelor in the world..."

 Justin takes the remote out of my hand, pressing pause. "It doesn't matter what they think..." he took his hand placing it into mine. "...your creations are sexy with a touch of sophistication in a vision I haven't seen before."

I took the remote back out of his hand, placing it into mine. "I love you and I love that you want to protect me...but I want to know. I want some feedback, from someone that doesn't know me. Someone that doesn't love me. Someone that isn't scared to hurt my feelings."

He takes the remote out of my hand, "I would tell you if you sucked." A smirk landed on his face, "But I respect your choice." He pressed the play button and the light on the television came back on, revealing the same woman continuing to speak.

"But it was clear that she was born to design shoes. She outshined everything that has come past her recently. Anyone who matters in this industry was at the debut and all seemed very pleased with what she brought to the catwalk. The grand opening tonight of her store, "Bells" in Manhattan will be the first of many if she continues to deliver lines like the first."

My placed my hand over my mouth. Surprised by her words. "You already knew what she was going to say. You recorded that from earlier."

The smile on his face widened. "I wanted you to hear from someone other than me..." he placed his hand over his heart. "... The one that loves you with their entire heart, the one that will always love you, thought about your line. I wanted to make sure, if you were nervous for even a moment that this would restore your faith in yourself."

"I'm not nervous. Not at all." I had found my Bloodline. My eyes filled with water, "I have everything I could ever want. I have you. I have the love of man and his entire heart."

He pulled me into his chest, resting against his heartbeat. "I have to be the luckiest man alive." He mumbled to himself.

His phone started to ring against my ear, from inside his coat. I leaned up, "Bells?" I asked listening to the chime of a ringing bell coming from his cell phone.

His cheeks were slightly flushed from embarrassment. "I hear it and no matter where I am or who is calling, I think of you." The butterflies in my stomach started to flicker again. He looked down at the screen. "We have to go. The car is here."

He stepped out into the dusk evening sky, standing tall and handsome, reaching down for me to take his hand. I intertwined my fingers into his, stepping out of the car and standing to see the flashbulbs begin to blind me. I looked into his eyes, and I saw happiness.

"Look." He said pointed at the building behind me. I turned slowly to see the storefront of my very first store. "Bells." He said. "I think it's the perfect name for your stores."

As overwhelming as everything was at that very moment there was more I had to do. I entered the store, seeing the store for the very first time, completely finished. The complete mess I thought it was just yesterday has turned around and is perfect.

The room was full of every person that had accepted their invite. Celebrities, editors, designers, and critics filled the room. Justin stood with his mother as I took to the front of the store to thank everyone.

I looked out over the crowd, wanting to cry I contained myself. It surprised me how many people showed up. "I would like to thank all of you for coming out and supporting the line I hope that everyone enjoys the shoes as much as I do. Instead of standing here and thanking everyone personally for everything they have done for me, I just want to say thank you. You know who you are. But I do need to thank Troy Carter who believed in this line and supported it through everything... and I mean everything..." I chuckled as did the entire room, they all read the stories, they all knew what played out in the press. "I need to thank the person that not only believed in this line, he believed in me. Justin has been my saving grace, my knight in shining armor... my love. I love you and thank you."

He nodded his head with a smile, his eyes filled with water. Lynn rubbed his back, showing him support. I was not only glad that he had his mother, I was glad that I had the privilege of knowing her and having the love of his mother as my own.

            I stepped over to his side, thanking him again privately. My world would be nothing without him in it. He looked up over my shoulder and back at me. He whispered, "I have a surprise for you."

I tilted my head to the side and looked at him confused. "What else could you possibly give me that I don't already have?"

The smile on his face was a different smile now. It was happy. It was content. It was relief. He nodded his head for me to look behind me, then leaned in whispering in his emotionally shaky voice, "Turn around."

Slowly my body turned to see a tall man in a dark gray suit staring back at me. I felt my stomach drop and the tears start to well up in my eyes, "Omar?" I said shaking. I looked over at Justin who was nodding his head yes, I turned back to someone I haven't seen in months.

I stepped closer to him, "Congratulations!" he said.

"Thank you." I managed to speak. "How did you... what are you..."

His deep sympathetic voice was comforting. "You're dating one of the biggest celebrities in the world. Your business is business to the world now. It was all over the papers, magazines and internet. It only took a simple Google search."

"You Googled me?" I smiled, slightly embarrassed.

"I did indeed. But I only Googled you, after receiving a personal invite from yours truly..." He pointed at Justin standing across the room, looking up every few seconds to check on me.

"Justin sent you the invite?" I asked trying not to cry like a blubbering fool.

"No." he said smiling. "Justin hand delivered the invitation. Bells... that man really loves you."

Tears of joy began to stream down my face. I look back over at him, I mouthed, ‘I love you.' A smile widens on his face. "I love him." I said turning back to Omar.

"I know you do." He said with such pride in his voice. "I'm happy for you. I'm proud of you Bells."

His words. My name. I was on overload. "Thank you." I said barely able to get those words out. "You called me Bells..." I said shocked.

"Bells, it fits you. Arabella is too stuffy for someone of your caliber. I have another surprise for you." He turned and took the hand of a woman standing behind him. She turned and I could see the face of my mother, red eyes from crying.

"The collection is amazing. You are an amazing designer, Arabella." She stepped closer to me, not saying a word as she lowers her head then looks up at me, "Is the life that you've chosen free from regret?"

I looked at her directly in her eyes. She needed to feel the truth in my words. "Yes. I don't regret a single choice I have made."

I could see her trying to swallow her pride. I had never seen such emotion on my mother's face as she looked me directly in my eyes. "We believed the bloodline. We lived and breathed the bloodline. But I watched you cry at night to keep alive the bloodline. I should have never left you to shoulder all the burden. You probably will never forgive me, god might not either." She was sincere for the first time in my life. "I'm sorry about everything... I'm sorry I doubted you. I'm sorry about your father... I... I'm just sorry. You're my daughter. I wanted you to be happy, that was the only thing I could ever want for my children." Her tears were honest and pure.

"Thank you..." I placed my hand over my heart, "I need you to know that this is my life now. I need you to accept every part of who I am today. Not who I was or who you want me to be. I need you to accept me...  for me."

"I promise you I will try. I want my daughter in my life. I want to get to know the man that you have fallen in love with."

I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I stood strong in front of her.  "You also have to accept that Justin and I may never get married. Getting married isn't something that is a priority in life for me. Love has nothing on a sheet of paper with a couple signatures."

She defensively asked, "Are you only saying that because he will never marry you?"

"I'm not saying that-" I began to speak however was interrupted by a deep clearing of the throat from behind me.

"Mrs. Kinsey..." he looked over at me taking my hand into his, "A few years ago, I would have said, no. I wasn't going to married anyone. Standing here today, that has changed. I would marry your daughter in a heartbeat. But like she said, our love isn't determined by a sheet a paper or her taking my last name. She is the love of my life, with or without a bloodline of our own."

My brother steps back closer, speaking directly to our mother, "Marriage shouldn't be a forced venture. Marriage should be exactly what they have. The love they have for one another is rare and untouchable. Something I wish I would've had the chance to find..." he lowered his head in disappointed.

"Omar..." he looked up at me, "You can make your own happy ending... you can change the bloodline."

"They would never understand." He mumbled.

"Who are they?" I asked adding, "At the end of the day, you have to be happy... I never thought you would understand why I had to make the choices I did... but look now."

"Erin would be crushed. This is all she has ever known... and Charlotte... she would never accept this."

Charlotte. I was taken back that she wasn't here. I thought maybe she would be the understanding one. I thought with her being a woman she would understand why I had to make the decisions I had to make. I was obviously wrong. "Charlotte may never understand. But that doesn't make it the right choice. Have you ever asked Erin how she felt about it? Maybe she feels the same way... and the only way you're going to get your answer is if you ask."

"This isn't something you need to worry about. This night is about you and you alone." Omar stepped back, making way for me to walk through the crowd. "Enjoy your achievement. It sure is something bigger than anyone I have ever known has accomplished."

I leaped into Justin's arms, whispering to him how much I loved him. I could tell him every day for the rest of our lives together and it still wouldn't be enough. I would owe him more than life in itself.

"Let's eat!" he said laughing, "We can't keep the belly of a hungry man waiting!"

I took his hand and he led me across the room to the table. I leaned in and whispered, "I can't thank you enough for all you have done for me. I love you."

"I owe... your Bloodline." He said proudly. "Without it, we wouldn't be standing here today."

I stood in front of him, placing my hands on his face, bringing his lips onto mine. Gently he lowered his arm to wrap around my back, pressing my body against his. He rested his head along the side of my face. "I am going to love you forever." He whispered softly as we began to sway back and forth to the soft strum of an acoustic guitar playing in the background. I closed my eyes took in the feeling of ever after.

Nobody had made me wise to the things a girl might find in the belly of a hungry man who don't care nothing about a bloodline. The devotion he had for the ones he loved had nothing to do with a Bloodline. He didn't believe in the Bloodline, he didn't understand the Bloodline.

Being an unwed woman living in the city, asking for a change made me the person I had become. Clinging to the bloodline could have cost me everything. I owed everything to the Bloodline. I believed in the Bloodline. I was saved by that Bloodline. Living and breathing by the Bloodline with all my might, made me to cry at night. Being left to shouldered all the burden broke my spirits down, but paying the price of the Bloodline was worth it in the end.

There was always so much riding on the Bloodline. But I owed everything to the Bloodline. Without the Bloodline, I would have never found the Bells from within. Without sacrificing everything I had known in the Bloodline, the lake would have never found its bells.

Bells had thinned out the Bloodline to a Lake.