INTERLUDE (INTRO)
Do you ever get the feeling that someone is watching you? That someone, out there, is writing the chapters of your life, catching you by surprise every step of the way?

I’ve felt that way for quiet sometime, more so this past year.

Last year I was on top of the world. I couldn’t fathom the thought of feeling the way I feel at this present time. I would have laughed hysterically if you would’ve told me that everything that occurred this past year was to be MY life.

I was content with my life, not to say that I’m not content now, but I thought I have everything I needed in life at the time. I had the two best-est friends a girl could ever want. I had a wonderful, caring and not to mention gorgeous boyfriend. And most importantly, I finally let my best friend convince me into recording an album. He promised to make me a star and for the record, he did. Somewhat.

I was lucky enough to know certain people and had gotten a record deal in a ridiculous manner. Over the phone. Although I know that while I can sing, like there is no tomorrow, I have my best friend, Justin, to thank for my “luck”.

Yes, Justin Timberlake, ladies and gentlemen, is one of my best friends in the world. Now, before you go all ballistic and start drooling over the above named. Let me just tell you that Justin Timberlake might be to you, a sex symbol, a God, perhaps the man of your dreams but to me he’s an arrogant, big headed……

Hold up!!

I’m not liking where this is headed, not one bit. Don’t let her change your personal opinions of me because……

Don’t you think you should introduce yourself, dumbass?

You know, I’m really starting to reconsider this whole thing. Do you see how she treats me? Just because she knows that I ….

Is that your way of introducing yourself?

I wasn’t done talking, besides I didn’t hear you introduce yourself either, Jojo.

If you would just sit down and keep you mouth shut, just long enough for me to tell these people who I am, maybe I would. Now shut up!!

Seriously, do you see what I mean about the way she treats me? I’m going to shut up now, not because she told me to but because the Lakers are on and I need to watch the game.

There is a God!! I swear he can be such an…..

Oh by the way, in case you didn’t figure it out already. I’m Justin. We’ll be talking later, I’m sure. That is if she shuts her trap long enough. I better go because right now she’s giving me the infamous stare and to be honest, it’s scary. Bye!!

Anyway, back to what I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted. What was I saying? Oh yeah, I was going to tell you about how Justin Timberlake, the so-called pop icon, isn’t right in the head. I was going to tell you how he managed to turn my life upside down and then when he was done with that, he did it again.

Remember that person I mentioned at the beginning of our conversation? The one that writes the chapters in our lives? My life is written by an alter ego of sorts, my live conscience, my guardian angel, perhaps. Her name is Lynn and because I trust her with my life, I’m going to let her tell you all about my life and more specifically this past year.

So on to Track One (Justin’s idea. He says my life is a soundtrack)

Oh wait.

I get caught up sometimes and forget things. You can blame that entirely on my best friend, who is laying on the sofa, bare-chested (my reason for getting caught up) staring intently at the basketball game on his sixty-three inch television.

What was I saying? Oh, Justin was right. (For once). I haven’t introduced myself. I’m Amanda Reyes, new artist of Jive Records.

Okay Lynn, go ahead. Do your thang, girl!!

Homeboy Memoirs ....... Track One (Breezy) Track One (Breezy)

1988

It was one of those rare days in the south when instead of the scorching sun beaming on your back, you found yourself enjoying a beautiful breezy afternoon.

Living in a small town outside of Memphis, Tennessee only meant one thing. Everyone knew everyone’s business. It meant your mother was a best friend with your best friends’ mother. The mailman was also the local mechanic and your doctor doubled as your gym teacher who also owned the local flower shop.

That was Shelby Forest to it’s gloried extent.

When the news came that a new family was moving into the Meyer house that had been put on sale two years prior, it only took two full days for the entire town to know about it.

It was mid April and the news of a new family coming to town was the biggest topic in town since Mrs. Meyer caught Mr. Meyer in bed with her niece, two years earlier.

The local realtor who coincidently was the local beautician, had gone to Shelby Forest General Store with the news of her sale. A new family of the name Owens, were coming to town.

The news traveled at the speed of light and by lunchtime on the second day, everyone but the men too busy fishing, knew about the family.

The anticipation for the arrival was intense but on that beautiful breezy day the time finally came. The big over-sized, yellow moving truck pulled up alongside the Meyer’s old house.

Two boys and a little girl stood under a tree, taking the moving event in. The blue tag on the yellow truck, that hauled a new state-of-the-art Ford station wagon, read New York.

The ‘new people’ were without a doubt from New York, like the rumors indicated.

Silently the three kids stood across the street watching ‘the people’ as if it was the most amazing display of human activity they’d ever seen. Perhaps at that moment in time it had been just that. Amazing.

“They sure do have a lot of stuff.” Justin was the first to break the silence. With his long frame he stood at least a foot taller than the other two standing next to him.

“Sure looks it.” the other boy added.

“Shh, be quiet.” The little girl ordered, bringing her dirt-encrusted finger to her lips.

“Eww, Amanda. Get your hands away from your mouth.” Justin cringed.

“Go talk to him, Manda.” The shorter of the two boys said for the hundredth time since the moving truck had parked.

“You go talk to him, dirtball.” She retorted.

“You go. And you’re the one that’s dirtier than us. Aunt Lily is going to have a cow.” he replied.

“Why do I have to go? It’s a boy. You’re supposed to talk to him first.” Amanda whined.

“You lost, Amanda. You gotta do it.” Justin reminded her once again that day. A simple game of ‘rock, paper, scissor’ had been her downfall.

The ‘new people’ turned out to have a son their age. According to the rumor mill, the little boy had just turned seven, the previous month.

The little girl eventually did cross the street that day. And the little boy that had been playing with a football across the street, was Jeremy Owens.

Main - Interlude - Track One Remixes

Homeboy Memoirs....Track One Remixes Breezy (Remix # 1)

I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was wearing jean shorts and a purple tank top that I loved, and my mother hated.

I remember thinking that I knew what my life plan was. At the very tender age of seven, we had our whole lives planned out.

I was going to own a championship woman’s NBA team. That had been my life goal back then. Ambitious little thing, wasn’t I?

My cousin, Juan (whom I can’t believe Lynn went there and described as ‘the shorter one’) simply wanted to be tall. I’m not kidding either. His goal in life was to grow tall and muscular. Neither one of those goal have been accomplished as of yet just like I don’t own a WNBA team either.

Our friend Justin at that particular stage of our lives had only one goal in mind. His goal that summer was to speak Spanish. It was his ambition to be able to understand my mother and Titi yell at Juan and I for being late for dinner, one too many times.

Juan and I attempted to help out friend out with his ‘goal’ but failed miserably. You should have heard the garbage (there are no other words to describe the butchering of the Spanish language that Justin did) that came out of Justin’s mouth. He was a far cry from properly rolling his r’s. I think he’s still working on it. (i.e. hooking up with Cameron Diaz. I tried to explain to him that she wouldn’t be any help, her daddy speaks Spanish, not her. He doesn’t listen.)

Every morning for an entire school year, I remember Juan and I had to sit through Sesame Street episodes so that Justin learned his word for the day. It’s kind of hysterical to think about it now, but Juan and I were annoyed.

Amazingly something good did come out of his goal reaching that summer. He began calling Juan, Tres. (That was the number for the day on Sesame Street.)

My cousin had been so annoyed with Justin he threatened to not speak to him for the rest of the day. That was huge day in our lives. (I can’t believe I still remember this.) I think that was the first time I ever saw Justin cry. He’d been devastated, I was too. What was I going to do if my two sidekicks never spoke again? My heart squeezes tight at that memory.

Eventually (two hours later) Juan couldn’t stand the separation anxiety and came to his senses. Justin insisted that it was cool that Juan was the third family member with the name, Juan.

I’m not exactly sure how everyone started calling Juan, Trace but if you call Trace anything but that, he flips out. Go figure.

Till this day I don’t think Trace knows that Justin cried. Neither one of them speaks of it. Justin and Trace’s weakness became my strength and I think it’s vice-versa although I won’t go without saying that those two are complete ass-wipes toward me, most of the time.

Back to what I was saying. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. It was mid April on our first day off school for spring break when we saw the truck pull up.

I still remember my first conversation with Jeremy Owens. I remember the exact words we spoke to each other. I remember every detail about that day and I don’t think I’ll ever forget. I don’t mean to sound melodramatic when I say this but my life started when I met him. I thought it did, at least.

My first thought on Jeremy Owens? Dreamy.

I remember thinking he was the cutest boy in out school. His dark hair and eyes were what I pictured Prince Charming’s to be like. Those memories I will treasure forever.

He became my first crush. My first kiss. My first boyfriend. My first everything. Thinking back now, even then, I knew that he’d be a huge part of my life. From the first words spoken to the moment I came to terms with my true feelings for him.

Ohh, before I cut this short, because we have a lot to cover, I want to say that I believe ‘rock, paper, scissor’ is a conspiracy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Breezy (Remix #2)

My first everything? Prince Charming? Blah. Blah. Blah.

I’m not even sure why she has decided to start this whole thing with how we met Jeremy Owens. What about starting this thing with important details? Like the fact that Trace is indeed short but that she’s shorter than him which makes him taller. So he did reach his goal. But Amanda wouldn’t tell you that, now would she?

Here’s another important detail. How about the fact that she and I have the same birthday? She always tries to skip over everything, she’s done it all her life. She wanted to own an NBA team and yet she always refused to play basketball with me. Go figure on that.

To my defense, let me tell you a few things. First, the Cameron comment? (She thinks I can’t see that she places those comments in parenthesis but I can do the same thing. See?) I didn’t hook up with Cameron for the Spanish speaking abilities or lack thereof. I hooked up with her cause she was hot. Still is, in my opinion.

Secondly, I am a country-ass white boy from Tennessee. Why would I be a natural at rolling my r’s? (Sometimes I question her intelligence.)

Being that she started this thing (I don’t even know what to call it) about Jeremy Owens, I have no choice but to pick up where she left off, more or less.

It’s true that growing up (some more than others) in Shelby Forest didn’t bring much excitement to our lives. And yes it’s hard to admit till this day that when the truck pulled up right across the street from my house, it was exciting, for lack of a better word.

Amanda, Trace and I always made the best out of Shelby Forest, though, still do. You know why? Because Shelby Forest is the shit. (Had to throw that in there)

If it rained, we were forced to play inside. We had two whole options, my house or the Ayala-Reyes house, two doors down. That had been the extent of our problems throughout our young years.

We spent the summers of our elementary years doing what kids our age did. Play. Of course we had an addition to our little group, April of 1988. You guest it. Jeremy Owens, the New Yorker.

I can’t deny that Jeremy and I became good friends. (Not friends like Trace and I were, but friends nonetheless) We both loved basketball, football and video games. I liked a lot of things that he liked and he wanted, I mean liked, everything I liked. Fucker.

Jeremy wasn’t always with us, (Amanda, Trace and I only spent nine hours without contact a day. Dinner. Sleeping.) but on the occasions when Jeremy’s parents would removed the stick out of their asses, Jeremy could come out and play with us.

Our mothers taxied us around for those years. We were good kids, we didn’t cause any trouble. Except that one time that Jeremy, Trace and I threw marbles at Mr. Robinson’s (mean old guy in town) window. We tried blaming the whole thing on Amanda but she was at the dentist at the time. My mother didn’t buy it. I got a spanking that day, that the memory of, makes my butt hurt. I don’t know what happened to Trace or Jeremy and their mother’s but if something made you cry, as a man, you don’t discuss that with each other. It’s a rule.

Other than the occasional little rascal’s stunts we used to pull, we were pretty normal.

Two guys and a girl. Ohh and I guess, Jeremy too.(I can’t forget about ‘her everything’) Normal.

For the record ‘rock, paper, scissor’ is not a conspiracy that Trace and I came up with. Scissors always cuts the paper, rock smashed the scissors and paper covers the rock. Those are the rules. You lost. Or won. Or lost. Oh, never mind. I lost in the long run anyway.

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Homeboy Memoirs ....Track Two (Baby, it's you) Track Two (Baby, it’s you)

1994

the young girl walked quickly through the halls, avoiding eye contact with her peers. She didn’t want to get caught in a meaningless conversation, that in any other normal day, she would have engaged in. She had a schedule she wanted to keep and socializing with her ever-growing list of friends or her cheerleading squad wasn’t added to that equation that day.

Having just been held back ten entire minutes by Genifur, her co-captain, was already setting her behind schedule. If it wasn’t for the fact that Genifur had covered for her on several cheerleading practices, she wouldn’t have taken those ten long minutes to listen to her ramblings. The fact that Genifur only seemed to be interested in rambling about one particular subject, Trace Ayala. She couldn’t blow her off, the girl was boy crazy and that particular month the honors had gone to her cousin. The gushing had gotten a bit overbearing and she’d set her limit to ten minutes of listening before she made a dash for the hallway when Genifur stopped her ramblings about Trace. She considered herself to be a good friend. She was honest and caring but having to be one side of a conversation pertaining her cousin’s butt had to come to an end quickly.

Eww.

At the end of the hall she could see her destination, her goal. The front entrance of the school. To the left of her goal stood her cheerleading squad. She wasn’t too worried about them distracting her because they were all aware what that day meant. To the right stood another distraction that would surely make her late. He stood by his locker, joking and goofing around with his friends, the football team. Apparently he was in no hurry to leave early and she felt like he should have been. It was a big day.

She thought about turning the other way and heading toward the back doors of the school but quickly changed her mind. What kind of a girlfriend would she be if she did that? Although she was asking herself, what type of friend was he being at that time? Not a very good one in her opinion because he should have been trying to avoid his friends too, just like she had been. They both needed to get out of school as fast as they could for the big day. Yet she was more annoyed as she approached him.

And although she was annoyed with him she couldn’t help but smile when he found her in the crowd and smiled at her.  Two years of officially being his girlfriend, secure in their little love, she couldn’t help the squeezing of her heart as she saw him. He almost made her forget that she had a schedule to keep. Almost.

“Hey.” He said, his smile not faltering.

“Hey.” Amanda said with a smile matching his.

“Missed you at lunch today.”

“Sorry, I had a meeting.”

“Cheerleading?”

“Spanish Club.”

“Are you walking home with me today?” he asked in a hopeful voice.

“Aren’t you coming with us?” Amanda asked as they walked toward the doors.

“Coming with you where?” he asked confused.

“Don’t you remember? We were supposed to meet Trace.”

“You’re meeting Trace instead of walking home with me?” he sounded annoyed. At five foot eight, he could be pretty intimidating but she knew that he would act that way.

For the past two years things hadn’t been completely cool between her boyfriend and her best friend. She’d decided to stay out of it. Being caught in the middle was surely not going to be pretty. She’d learned her lesson when she’d tried to be the middle man (or girl) between her boyfriend and her cousin and that hadn’t helped the situation either. Blood was always thicker than water and instead of choosing she decided to back off. She doubted that the relationship between Trace and her boyfriend would ever be the same but she knew that her relationship with both hadn’t changed one bit.

Her cousin, she’d always love and care for because he was family, she’d grown up with him and she knew every aspect of his life. Just like he knew her.

Her boyfriend, she’d known since they were eight, which had been six, almost seven years before.

While she spent time with her cousin, whom she still lived with and was close to, she didn’t spend much time with him at school. Something that they were both okay with. While both very popular in school, they didn’t hang out with the same people. Trace had been drawn into the ‘girl crazed guy group’, the group of guys whom girl drooled over. While Amanda was part, if not head, of the ‘in-crowd’, the group of people whom belonged to a lot of the clubs, sports teams and cheerleading squad and were liked by everyone and hated by the rest. Her and her boyfriend were considered the ‘hottest couple’ in the entire school and most importantly, the coolest.

She spent time with her cousin, whom she still lived with and was close to, outside of school. On the days when Trace was out with his friends from school, she was across the street, or at the mall with her boyfriend. Once a week they found themselves in Trace’s room on the phone with their best friend.

“Don’t be like that.” Amanda said holding his hand as they walked outside. “Don’t you remember what today is?”

“It’s Tuesday.”

“And?” she inquired getting more annoyed with him.

“No practice for me and any meetings or practice for you It’s our hanging out day.”

“And?”

“You got me, Amanda. What?”

“You honestly forgot?” she asked stopping their walk toward Trace who waited outside his father’s car in front of the school.

“What are you talking about, Amanda?”

“He’s coming today, Jeremy. I can’t believe you would forget that.”

“Who’s coming?”

“You forgot that our best friend is coming home in an hour?” Amanda asked shocked.

“I’m sorry it must have slipped my mind?”

“Slipped your mind? That’s nice, Jeremy.”

“I forgot, big deal.”

“Unbelievable.” She huffed.

“Why do I need to remember when Justin Timberlake is coming home? You seem to do the remembering for the whole town.” Jeremy said with a shrug. “I’m heading home. Call me later.”

“What?” Amanda asked in frustration as he started to walk away.

“That is if you find the time.” Jeremy said turning to face her.

“Aren’t you coming to see Justin?”

“I’ll just turn the TV on when I get home, Amanda. Have fun.” Jeremy said turning to walk toward their friends.

She was torn. They hadn’t seen their best friend in six months and all he could do was act like a jerk. He always acted that way if she couldn’t make their Tuesday tradition of going to the ice cream shop and then walking home together.

The last time they’d all seen Justin was the previous summer when they’d been allowed to spend a month in Orlando. While Trace, Justin and herself opted to be at Disney World, with Justin’ free pass, Jeremy opted to stay in the house playing video games. Jeremy had said that he didn’t enjoy being followed around the whole park by kids who recognized Justin. She had enjoyed scaring the little girls away while Justin reprimanded her for being mean to his fans.

Trace and herself had felt uncomfortable around both of them but personally she’d thought they’d gotten over whatever it was they were acting strange about. They’d continued talking on the phone after that summer and she’d figured they were okay. Not completely how they used to be but just okay.

Apparently not.

“Jeremy!!” she yelled. “Wait up!!”

Turning to face Trace who waited with her uncle. “Trace, I’ll meet you guys at Justin’s”

“You’re not coming?” Trace asked wide-eyed.

“It’s Tuesday, Trace. You know how it is. Tell Justin we’ll be waiting at his front porch for him.” Amanda said catching up with Jeremy.

“Yeah, Manda I know how it is.” Trace said as he got into the car, where his dad waited.

“Straight home, Amanda. If you’re not coming with us to the airport then you need to go straight home.” Her uncle said pointing at her.

“Okay, Tio Juan. See you later.” Amanda said with a wave.

“You’re walking with me?” Jeremy asked.

“Don’t let it get to your head. I’m only going because I know it’s Tuesday and it’s the only day we cold hang out after school. And besides I saw Jessica, sophomore whore-leader, getting ready to offer to walk with you.” Amanda said with a roll of her eyes.

“So you were jealous?”

“There’s nothing to be jealous about. Why are you being mean about Justin, anyway?”

“I wasn’t trying to be mean. Last Tuesday you had an emergency cheerleading meeting and you didn’t walk with me. I just thought you would walk with me today. And I really just forgot that he was coming.”

“How could you forget? He’s been calling and telling us he was coming for the past few weeks.”

“He’s been calling you and Trace. Not me.”

“Is this what this is all about? Are you mad at him because he didn’t call you? He told Trace and I that he called you but that you weren’t home.”

“I was at practice when he called.” Jeremy shrugged.

“So you’re mad at HIM for calling you and YOU not being available? That’s not fair, Jeremy.”

“No one’s mad, Amada.” Jeremy said putting his arms around her shoulder as they walked. “Do you want to get a Root beer float?”

“I have to get home, Jeremy. How many times do I have to tell you? Don’t you want to get home too?”

“His flight doesn’t come in for another hour. We have plenty of time.”

“For someone who claims he didn’t remember when Justin was coming, you sure do know details about his flight.” Amanda said with a raised brow.

“Do you want a float or not?”

“Fine, but we have to hurry.”

***********

“Where’s Amanda?” Justin asked as they rode towards his old house.

“That took you all of twenty-six minutes and thirty-two seconds.”

“What?” Justin asked looking at Trace who sat next to him in the Cadillac Deville, Trace’s father owned.

“It took you that long to ask about Manda.” Trace chuckled. “Take a wild guess where she is.”

“Figures. Why didn’t he come to the airport with you?” Justin asked.

“Because I don’t want that meathead in my car.” Trace confessed.

“Watch your mouth, Juan.” His father chastised from the driver’s seat.

“Well it’s the truth dad. All he does is play football and lift weights. He’s fourteen, not twenty, he acts like he’s going to be drafted to the NFL any day now.’ Trace laughed causing Justin to launch into fits of laughter.

“She better be there when we get there because I have something to tell you guys.” Justin said after a little while, giving his mother a knowing look.

“She’ll be there, Baby, it’s you. She never lets you down.” Lynn said with a smile.

“Could have fooled me.” Justin mumbled before continuing a conversation with Trace about a girl he’d met on the set on the Mickey Mouse Club.

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Homeboy Memoirs ..... Track Two Remixes Baby, it’s you (Remix #1)

Don’t go biting my head off.

What did you want me to do? He was my boyfriend, my everything. I was compelled to pick him and the Root beer float (my favorite) over Justin.

We were pretty mature for our age, huh? (Lynn makes us sound like an episode of Dawson’s Creek.) We were fourteen years old that year Justin came home with the big news.

Like my whole childhood, I remember every detail of that day. Instead of my Monday, Thursday, and Friday attire (cheerleading uniform) I wore dark blue jeans and a white top, on my feet I wore the brand new pair of Nikes, courtesy of Justin Timberlake.

I still remember the float that cost two dollars and eighty-five cents. (courtesy of Jeremy of course.)

We eventually left the local ice cream shop an hour later because we got a bit distracted. (Jeremy and I liked to kiss. A lot.)

Am I getting off subject?

Eventually I remember practically running home because I just knew that if Justin got there before we did, he wouldn’t be a happy camper. Putting those brand new tennis shoes to good use I ran to Justin’s, Jeremy followed closely behind and if I remember correctly he too had been wearing the gym shoes Justin had sent him as well.

When we got there, I wished I hadn’t rushed because the news we received when Justin was done sulking (over the fact that Jeremy and I were late), wasn’t anything I wanted to hear.

Sadly, Justin informed us that the Mickey Mouse Club show had been cancelled. Don’t hate me for saying this but I was so happy when he said that. Don’t hate me, let me finish.

I couldn’t remember ever being that happy. (except when he’d gotten ‘in’ the show, go figure.) my first thoughts were that I was going to have my three best friends back. Nothing could have had prepared me for what Justin told us next.

When he took us to his old room and told us the big news, I felt like it was Star Search/Mickey Mouse Club all over again. I couldn’t say anything, it was like someone had kicked me in the gut and I couldn’t get words out. I had no air. Just when I thought I had gained my best friend back, I had lost him again.

Unbeknownst to us, Justin had joined a boyband. I remember being confused as hell. A boyband? What the fuck? When had he done that? He never mentioned anything during phone conversations those last six months. I hadn’t noticed the lack of time he spent talking about the show. I figured he just didn’t want to talk about it because he liked hearing about our boring lives instead. I was so stupid. (Don’t go agreeing with that, just yet.)

Till this present time it still pisses me off that Justin had kept six months of his life secret from us. He’d finished the show and had gotten a record deal right under our nose and we were clueless. It hurt that he didn’t feel it was his duty, as our best friend, to let us in on his life. Especially since it was going to become a huge part of all our lives.

He eventually told us his reasons for not including us but even talking about it now pisses me off. But like I said he had pretty reasonable grounds.

So there I was, fourteen years old thinking I had my best friend back and my life would be back to normal and in reality I was losing him again. He was gone. Away from us. Away from America all together.

Oh and FYI the float was delicious.

***************

Baby, it’s you (Remix #2)

I was devastated that I no longer had a job and she’s talking about a fucking Root beer float? I’m so glad to hear that spending her stupid Tuesdays with Jeremy and having a Root beer float came first in her life. Someone should reevaluate his or her priorities. (Don’t you think?)

Okay so I admit that at that time I should have done that too. I should have talked to my friends. I should have told them that the show was cancelled. I should have told them that Jc contacted me and that I was in a ‘group’ and that I had gotten a record deal. I should have but I couldn’t.

At fourteen I had felt like a failure. I had to do the group thing on my own. I felt like my friends, my best friends, would be disappointed in me. I know now that it was stupid of me to feel that way because they were my friends. Still are. (Not necessarily all three of them, by the way.)

When Jc had approached me, I must admit that I was dying to call my friends and tell them the news. But honestly wouldn’t your friends laugh at you if you suddenly came home and told them that you were going to be the next New Kids on the Block? Would they support you from the door? Or would they laugh until they realize you were being serious?

When I was in Orlando I loved it. I loved being on the show, I loved being on the set, and I loved acting, singing and dancing. So when it was over I remember telling my mother that I didn’t want it to end, that was when I decided that I would do it forever. The Mickey Mouse Club had been a start for me.

Although I made all types of new friends in Orlando, (specially a certain girl, you know who I’m talking about.) I always felt like I was missing my REAL friends. The ones that were with me from before I was on TV.

Going home and being a normal fourteen year old? Or recording an album, going overseas on tour? You do the math. What would you have done?

I just have to take this opportunity to laugh. Yes, to laugh, because I had forgotten about the way Trace spoke of Jeremy. Meathead. That’s great. Have I mentioned how much I love that guy? I won’t get into why Trace has such animosity towards Jeremy because it’s just not my place.

As far as the tennis shoes I sent all three of them? I wanted to buy two pairs, my mother made me get the third pair. Life’s a bitch.

Oh, Amanda, please spare us from comments such as, “Jeremy and I liked to kiss. A lot.” I prefer not to hear that shit, thank you very much.

Trace just got here so I’m going to go watch some more of the game. Maybe we’ll be able to convince him to talk to you for a little bit. We’ll see, he’s not much into public speaking. I was surprised he talked during interviews for William Rast, when we first came out with it.

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Homeboy Memoirs ... Track Three (Not that kind of girl) Track Three (Not that kind of girl)

1998

Amanda walked through the solitary corridor, thankful and yet saddened that it would be her last time as a student to wander through it.

She knew she’d miss everyone especially the music teacher who’d taught her most of what she knew musically. Jessica, the sophomore, junior and senior cheer-whore, she’d miss because she’d learned whom she’d never become.  She’d miss the high school drama all together.

She’d promised her music teacher, Ms. Pizarro, that she’d stopped by after graduation to say goodbye. After all, Ms. Pizarro had been her mentor, the person who’d made her realize that she had talent. The talent of song. Amanda wanted to keep her promise, even if it made her late for her departure. After wishing each other luck with their new lives, Amanda made her way out of the school. She’d started to rush out of the school but couldn’t help slowing down and taking everything in, one last time. Shelby Forest High was marked as one of the things she had accomplished on her life checklist. She was ready to depart into her adult life. Her new life.

Her cheerleading squad, was one of the hardest things to let go. Her co-captain, Genifur, who’d been in a serious relationship with Julius Ross for three years, yet always found time to gush over her cousin. Sandra, whom couldn’t spell dictionary, if one was thrown at her but was always the first person to count on. Melissa, the drama queen with a sweet smile. Missy, the diva with an attitude. Janet, the motivator of the squad. Beth, the crazy party-girl, who never touched a substance, yet was always high on life. Mindy, the proclaimed nerd of the squad. She would miss all of the girls but it was time to grow up, find her way. She wouldn’t be the captain of the cheerleading squad. She wouldn’t be part of the Spanish Club, Drama Club or the Choir. She would be Amanda Reyes, the tour groupie.

-------------------------------------------

Seven men waited patiently or at least trying to be, on the bus. Lance and Chris, playing cards. Joey and Jc lay comfortably on the couch, resting their head on the backrest of the seats as they watched television. Justin and Trace sat at the makeshift dining area, the seat in between them, unoccupied. Each looking at their watches every five minutes during the twenty they’ve been waiting. The last man sat quietly reading the latest issue of Sports Illustrated, while lounging on the other side of the dining area.

“Can we go yet?” Lance asked from the back of the bus.

“Does it look like we can leave, Lance?” Justin asked.

“How long do we have to wait for Hellraiser?” Joey asked next to Jc.

“That wasn’t nice, Joe.” Lynn, the tour mom, said from the front of the bus, where she sat with the group of bodyguards.

“Sorry.” Joey apologized only to receive a smirk from Justin.

“Can someone call her?” Jc asked as he looked out the window.

“Already did. She got caught up in school. Talking I guess.” the man with the magazine responded. Nsync and their tour bus had been sitting in front of the house, for half an hour, having traveled from Orlando all night.

“She answered your phone call?” Trace asked astonished.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t she?” the man said without bothering to move his eyes from the article he was reading.

“I’ve been trying to give her a reason not to answer your phone calls, for years.” Trace mumbled.

“Shut up, man.” Justin said elbowing him.

“Tell me again why I gave you my family pass so that she could come with us?” Chris asked from the back.

“Because you guys love me.” Justin said with angel eyes and a smile to match.

“I beg to differ because I gave you my pass for Trace and I don’t love you.” Lance said with a chuckle.

“So, you love me instead?” Trace asked with a raised brow causing everyone to laugh.

“I don’t love either one of you and I still gave you my pass for Jeremy.” Joey said.

“You guys know you love me and my friends, so don’t be frontin. You would’ve said no to my request to stop in Tennessee to pick them up.” Justin stated.

“It was more of a whine than a request and like we really had a choice. Crybaby.” Jc said.

“My love for that girl is growing slimmer and slimmer by the minute.” Trace said. “And she’s my cousin.”

“It’s only been half an hour guys. She’ll be here.” Lynn said.

“You need some pointers in how to keep a shorter leash on that girl, Jeremy?” Joey asked with a laugh.

“Man, I’m going to get her one of those collars that zaps her every time she’s out of my sight.” Jeremy laughed.

“She’s going to whoop your ass when she hears that!!” Justin said pointing a finger at him.

“No she’s not cause she’s not here.” Jeremy said getting up and meeting Joey’s high five.

“I am here.” Amanda said stepping onto the bus. “The bitch is here!!”

“About time!!” came a six-part harmony that Jeremy didn’t join.

“Be careful with that mouth of yours, Amanda!!” Lynn scolded after the boys finished complaining about Amanda’s lateness.

“Sorry, Aunt Lynn.” Amanda apologized as she ignored the hoopla of ohh and ahhs from the boys.

“What took you so long?” Justin asked.

“The collar that I picked didn’t match my leash.” Amanda said eyeing Jeremy.

“Sorry.” Jeremy whispered only to hear a chorus of sorries throughout the bus as they mocked him. A group of laughter followed as Jeremy gave everyone the finger, Amanda rolling her eyes.

“You better be.” Amanda said with a glare toward her boyfriend. “Which one of you pigs saved me a seat?”

“Right here.” Jeremy said padding the seat next to him.

“Right here.” Justin and Trace said in unison, patting the seat between them.

“There’s a seat right there on your front porch.” Jc said with a laugh.

“Cute, Jc. Don’t fall asleep too deeply, brotha.” Amanda said with an evil glare. “Am I supposed to pick?” Amanda asked her three friends with a raised brow.

“Stop threatening the guys, Amanda.” Lynn said.

“I’m not threatening at all. Everything I say should be taken very seriously. Jc’s gonna pay for that little stunt he pulled at Lou’s house last month, Aunt Lynn.” Amanda said with a sweet innocent smile.

“It wasn’t a stunt. You looked like you needed to freshen up a bit.” Jc said with a shrug.

“So you throw me into the pool? You’re such a rectum.” Amanda smirked. “Don’t sleep.”

“Come sit with your boyfriend.” Jeremy said with a smile that never failed to melt her heart.

“Yeah right. You’ve had her for yourself all these years, bro. She’s gonna sit with us.” Justin said confidently. “Right, Jojo?”

“Can’t do it, boys.” Amanda said. “Can’t pick.”

“Why not?” Justin and Trace asked.

“Yeah, why not?” Jeremy asked.

“Will you guys, shut up!! Sit down, Hellraiser so we can get this puppy rolling out of great ol’ Shelby Forest.” Chris said from the back.

“Who you telling to shut up?” Jeremy said. “You better not sleep tonight either, little man.”

“So scared.” Chris said sarcastically while pretending to shiver.

“He’s gonna whoop yo ass, Chris!! Don’t say I didn’t warn you” Justin said to Chris with a laugh.

“That’s twice he said that, Lynn. You haven’t yelled at him.” Joey whined. “Not fair at all. He’s the baby.”

“The baby will hear my mouth in private.” Lynn said giving Justin a look of warning.

“Ha!!” Chris said.

“Whatever!!” Justin said. “Come sit already, Jojo.”

“Yeah, Manda. I want to go already before dad and Aunt Lily come out here and change their minds about letting us go.” Trace said with a whine.

“Do you want some cheese to go with that wine, little cousin? You guys are acting like I’m holding you up. The guy isn’t even done loading half of Trace’s crap on the bus. And I’m going to sit over in the front with Lonnie and the big boys, instead.”

“That’s a smart idea, Amanda.” Lynn said with a smile to the three disappointed boys.

“I’m a smart girl, Aunt Lynn.” Amanda said giving her friends a wave of her middle finger.

“Saw that, Amanda.” Lynn said causing an encore of the ohh and ahh from the boys.

The bus did head out of Shelby Forest, half an hour later, everyone quieted down, relaxing for his or her long ride to New York. It would be the starting point of the Nsync promotional tour. After spending a year in Europe, being what critics had dubbed “The New Beatles”, they were finally home. Amanda couldn’t be prouder of the group. The concert special, two months before at Disney, had launched them into the celebrity realm they deserved. She would never share how proud she was of them, with them, but she couldn’t help herself. She was proud to call them her friends, her family.

It had been a struggle during Amanda and Trace’s senior year convincing their parents to be supportive with the fact that they were going to go on the road with Justin, with Nsync. College would wait a year for her and she would take that year to enjoy her time off. Trace decided that college hadn’t been for him, instead he would take the position of Nsync’s assistant.

Having Jeremy, Trace and Justin for months at a time, all at once in her life was a Godsend.

---------------------------------------------------------
New York
January 31st 2002

The two women walked into the hotel’s penthouse suite, carrying multiple shopping bags. Exhausted after hours of shopping and shivering from the cold weather.

The pretty blond let out a grunt as she walked toward the couch located in the living room area of the suite. Hurriedly she took the uncomfortable high-heeled boots off, letting out a sigh of relief. (Click on the link to view Britney’s boots.)

“I told you not to wear those shoes.” The other girl said, comfortable in her white boots, which she’d gotten as a birthday gift.
(Click on the link to view Amanda’s boots.)

“Yeah, I should’ve listened, birthday girl!!” The blond let out a laugh.

“Just like your man. You don’t listen.” she said as she took a seat on the opposite couch.

“Speaking of my man.” the blond said. “Where is he?”

“I was with you all day. How would I know where he is?”

“You’re his assistant. You always know where he is.” she smirked.

“I’m his best friend who goes to college. If he wants to have me on his payroll as his assistant then that’s his business. Trace is the real assistant. You don’t see me running around doing shit for him, do you?” Amanda shrugged.

“He sure runs around doing things for you.” Britney mumbled under her breath.

“What?”

“Nothing. Do you know where he is or not, homegirl?”

“You know I hate that term.” Amanda said with a smirk. “He’s downstairs at the gym.”

“How did you know where he was Ms. I’m-Not-Justin Timberlake’s-assistant?” Britney questioned with a raised brow.

“Shut up. He called me while you were signing autographs down at the lobby.” Amanda said. “Let’s go down there.”

“Is Jeremy down there too?” Britney questioned with a raised brow.

“Of course.” Amanda said with a smile.

“Give me a sec. I have to put shoes on.” Britney said going into the bedroom she shared with her boyfriend.

“Whoever gets down there last has to be the other’s maid at the party tonight.”

“What are you? Five? And I am so not being your maid. It might be your birthday but it’s also my boyfriend’s and I need to cater to his needs, first and foremost.”

“I’m a healthy twenty-one year old, college student, thank you very much. And eww, too much information.” Amanda said with a scrunched-up nose in disgust.

“Healthy, huh?” Britney questioned as she finished changing into a comfortable pair of shoes. “Let’s see.” she said shoving Amanda to the side and running ahead of her out of the suite.

“Who’s five now? Cheater!!” Amanda said as she ran behind Britney down the hall.

“Come on Rob!!”  Britney yelled behind her to her bodyguard, as she ran down the hall.

Amanda made it to the hotel’s gym two seconds before Britney caught up with her.

“Ha!! Beat ya!! Get me towel for my sweat, Merry Maid.” Amanda said walking backwards into the gym, wiping fake sweat of her brow.

“What are you doing, babe?” Jeremy asked as Amanda came in the room followed by Britney.

“You cheated.” Britney laughed.

“I did not.” Amanda said with a laugh. “I have a maid for the night, do you need anything, Jeremy?” She asked before planting a kiss on Jeremy’s lips.

“She’s lying, Jeremy.” Britney assured. “Hey.” Britney said to Justin, who’s expression turned sour at the other couple.

“Hey, Pinky.” Justin said quickly removing the sour expression off his face and planting a smile on his lips. Britney didn’t miss it though, just like she hadn’t missed any of the other times, for the past three years. “What are you girls up to?”

“Just got back from shopping.” Britney said putting her arms around his neck and placing a soft kiss on his lips.

“What did you get?” Jeremy asked Amanda, as he sat on a bench, pulling her on top of his lap.

“I just got some jeans. Brit got the whole store though.” Amanda laughed.

“Some of the stuff was free, though. I can’t say no to free.” Britney said, her arms around Justin’s neck and her head resting on his chest.

“Of course not. I got us some bed linens and stuff too for the new apartment, Jeremy.” Amanda said.

“You know you shouldn’t have, Amanda.” Jeremy said kissing her neck. “It’s your birthday, you should be out buying yourself things. We can get stuff for the apartment when we get home.”

“I’m going for a shower.” Justin said abruptly, leaving the room before anyone had a chance to say anything.

“What’s wrong with him?” Amanda asked Britney.

“Who knows.” Britney shrugged. “I’ll see you guys, later.”

“Okay.” Amanda said as Britney walked out of the room to meet Rob. “That was odd. Do you think there’s something going on?”

“I don’t think so. We were fine just before you girls came in here. We were talking about the party tonight. We finished lifting, anyway.” Jeremy shrugged. “Do you have an hour to spare for your man, before you get even more beautiful for tonight?”

“Of course, silly.” Amanda said.

“Let’s go to the room. I’ve been waiting for your sexy behind all day.” Jeremy whispered in her ear.

“Yes, sir.” Amanda said with a giggle. “We should check on Justin on our way, though.”

“Justin is a big boy, Amanda. He’s got Britney and your cousin if he needs something.” Jeremy said not slowing his trail down her neck.

“Where is Trace anyway?”

“Somewhere with Chris, I think.” Jeremy shrugged “Come on, let’s go upstairs, I want you.”

“Well, when you put it that way.” Amanda said with a smile as she followed him out of the gym.

-------------------

After the party (4:03 am)

Justin and Amanda tiptoed down the suite’s hallway, each trying to make as little noise as possible. Britney and Jeremy were peacefully asleep in the rooms from which each had descended. Justin had asked Amanda to meet him after they’d all had gotten to the penthouse, mentioning that he wanted to give her last birthday present. Trace was undoubtedly passed out in his room, after having a grand old time at the party with several elite Hollywood actresses.

“Is Jeremy asleep?” Justin whispered as Amanda approached him in the dark suite.

“Yeah.” Amanda whispered. “Why are we whispering?”

“I don’t know. I guess you’re supposed to whisper when you’re in the dark.” Justin said with a loud laugh, clearly drunk.

“Who told you that?” she whispered.

“You’re still whispering.” Justin laughed as they walked toward the stairs heading to the second floor of the suite.

“You’re still drunk.” she stated with a laugh of her own.

“Yeah a little.” Justin said as he tripped on the bottom step, causing both of them to laugh loudly. “Shhh, you’re gonna wake up the peoples.”

“The peoples? You’re so drunk.” Amanda said as she took a seat on the couch located in the TV room.

“So are you.” Justin pointed as he threw himself on the sofa across from her.

“I’m not so drunk anymore. I worked it off.” Amanda said wiggling her brows.

“Spare me the details, Jojo.” Justin said with a roll of his eyes.

“So what else did you get me?” Amanda asked. “The boots, the necklace and the bonus on my check this month, was enough, you know.”

“The boots were picked out by B, the necklace, my mother helped with and the bonus was because Trace wanted a raise and it was only fair that I give you one too.” Justin smiled.

“Thanks a lot, homeboy. Glad you could think of a gift on your own.” Amanda said with a huff.

“I did.” Justin said lifting the gift bag he had carried upstairs, to her. “It’s right here.”

“What is it?” Amanda asked looking at the gift bag skeptically.

“Why don’t you open it and see, homegirl.” Justin said handing her the bag.

“Did Jeremy help with this one?” Amanda asked sarcastically.

“I don’t need Jeremy’s help, Jojo.” Justin snapped. “Not when it comes to you. Or anything. Ever.”

“Geez, it was a joke.” Amanda said.

“Not funny.”

“What’s up with you anyway? You were being a jerk at the party tonight.”

“I was not.”

“Yes you were.”

“You should talk, you were on Jc’s case all night.”

“I was not.”

“Dumping a glass of champagne on him wasn’t very nice.”

“Throwing me in a pool, fully dressed isn’t nice either.”

“That was years ago, Jojo.”

“Payback’s a bitch.”

“Tell me about it.” Justin huffed. “Are you opening your gift or not?”

“You know I only got you that watch, right? I’m a poor student.”

“You didn’t need to get me anything. I already have everything I need.” Justin said. “Open it.”

“I wonder what it could be.” Amanda said shaking the bag.

“I wonder.” Justin mocked.

“A ‘Celebrity’ cd?” Amanda asked with a raised brow.

“It’s autographed.”

“Are you kidding?”

“No, it really is.”

“You gave me an autographed copy of your cd? Are you serious?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re so thoughtful.” Amanda said sarcastically.

“Have you ever listened to that cd?”

“Do the Lakers make it to the play-offs every year?”

“Seriously, have you ever listened to it. Like really paid attention to the lyrics?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“Is there a point to this drunken conversation, Justin?”

“Just listen to the cd, Jojo.”

“Okay. You got me something from Tiffany’s? What is it?” she asked lifting the jewelry box out of the gift bag.

“Why are you asking me? Open it.”

“Wow.” Amanda said when she saw the bracelet that was inside the sky blue box.
(Click here to see the bracelet)

“Do you like it?” Justin asked rubbing the sleep from his eyes

“Wow. Thanks Justin. It’s beautiful.” Amanda said. “Put it on me.”

“Come over here. I’m too drunk to make sudden moves. Like walking.”

“Lazy ass.” Amanda joked before she took the bracelet and handed it to him. “You know Jeremy is going to be jealous when he sees this.”

“So what.”

“You do know that!!” she said pointing her finger that was attached to her newly occupied wrist. “You got me something really expensive so Jeremy would be jealous.”

“Why would you say something like that?” Justin asked.

“Because lately you’ve been acting funny.”

“No I haven’t.”

“Yeah you have.”

“Like when?”

“Like today at the gym. You just got up and left. What happened to you?”

“I needed to take a shower.”

“You do know that you can talk to me, right?”

“Of course I know that but there’s nothing to talk about.” Justin shrugged. “So you like your bracelet?”

“Yeah, it’s beautiful. Thank you again.” she said playing with it once she sat back down, this time next to him.

“Did you see the charms on it?”

“No, Justin I overlooked it.” she teased. “Of course I saw them. A heart and a key.”

“Do you know what they mean?”

“You’re the drunk one, Justin, not me.” Amanda laughed.

“I’m just making sure you know what it means.”

“It means I hold the key to someone’s heart.”

“Yeah.”

“Jeremy’s gonna hate the fact that it’s from Tiffany’s and you spent so much money, but he’ll be happy to know that you were thinking of us when you bought it for me.” Amanda said sweetly, before giving Justin a hug and a loud kiss on his cheek.

“What?” Justin asked in shock.

“I said Jeremy is going to…”

“I heard what you said. Jojo that’s not….” Justin started to say only to be interrupted.

“J, come to bed.” Britney whined coming up the stairs.

“How about you get me a cup of hot chocolate, Merry Maid?” Amanda asked getting up and looking at Britney.

“How about it’s way past midnight and I don’t have to keep getting you drinks?” Britney smirked before yawning.

“Damn.” Amanda said with a chuckle. “I’m going to bed too, see you guys tomorrow.”

“Good night.” Britney said. “who gave you the bracelet, homegirl?”

“Stop calling me that. Isn’t it pretty? My best friend is so thoughtful.” Amanda gushed before heading toward her room, where she left Jeremy passed out.

“He certainly is.” Britney mumbled.

“Huh?” Justin asked.

“Nothing.” Britney said with a smile as she walked over to him and took Amanda’s abandoned spot. “You coming to bed?”

“I’ll be down in a minute.” Justin said kissing her nose tenderly. “I’m going to call room service so they could bring aspirins and beer with our breakfast.”

“Okay, but don’t take too long. Get me some strawberries please.”

“Sure babe.”

“Thanks.” Britney said getting up. “I love you.”

“Ditto.” Justin said with a wink, before he watched his girlfriend walk down the stairs to their bedroom.

Main - Next

 

Homeboy Memoirs .... Track Three Remixes Not that kind of girl (Remix #1)

I wished you would of met Ms. Pizarro. She was so cool, calm and collected. I think she was probably my favorite teacher in Millington. She will definitely be mentioned on my thanks you’s for my album.

It’s funny how this whole memoirs thing we’re doing reminds me of an episode of One Tree Hill. I don’t know if you ever saw that show when it was on but there was an episode where all the students at Tree Hill High, created a video time capsule. In the show everyone recorded their biggest issues and drama on those time capsule shots, thinking that in fifty years they could reveal it, instead it was released for everyone to see. I guess that’s what we’re doing here, only in a written format.

For those of you who saw that episode. Don’t worry I won’t show you my boobs like Brooke Davis did. (I’m not very blessed in that department, anyway.)

Did you ever wonder where the parents of the kids from One Tree Hill were? Other than asshole Dan (Lucas and Nathan Scott’s father) and Karen (Lucas’ mom), you didn’t really see much, if not at all, of the parents. Do you ever think about how fake that is? Well let me tell you that it happens in real life. It happened to me, so I know what I’m talking about.

When I was eighteen years old, I picked up my belongings and went on the road with Nsync. No parents.(except for Lynn, who decided that year that they guys didn’t need a mommy anymore) No rules.

Jeremy, Trace, Justin and I were free. It was like being away on spring break a million times over. We had so much fun those months. Justin was always working but we always found time to spend with each other. Even if it meant sharing a hotel room with three boys, I did it. (Don’t get the wrong idea with that one) Justin was always so tired the next day, on that tour. Poor baby. (We didn’t force him to stay up till all hours of the night.)

I know you’re wondering why Jc and I don’t get along. Let me explain something to you, so that you don’t hate me. (I know you probably love him as much as you love Timberlake) Jc and I are cool and you’re reading too much into this. We have been playing pranks on each other since we met. He’s like a big brother, I never wanted and I love him for it. Does that make you not wonder about the pool or the champagne incident? It’s all in fun. Trust me.

I would like to take this opportunity to point out that I didn’t pick Jeremy over Justin and Trace that time. (like I said, just pointing that out to ya.)

Also, in Jeremy’s defense, since he’s not here to defend himself, let me just say that Jeremy wasn’t as big of an asswipe as Lynn makes him out to be. I don’t blame her, though. Every story needs a bad guy.

I should also tell you that I attended the University of Southern California (with Jeremy) and that I graduated with a masters in business. Will I ever use any of the skills I learned? Probably not but college was fun. Another thing off my checklist.

I am willing to bet you didn’t think I was friends with Britney Spears, huh? I bet you thought I would despise her because of what you think she did to Justin, huh? Well I don’t. Reason? Because I know what really went down between them and you don’t. (at least not yet) I still talk to her from time to time. That is when Justin’s not around, he says it brings back too many feelings. (He’s such a crybaby.)

The ‘Celebrity’ tour was the only tour that I wasn’t a part of much because of school. The ‘No Strings Attached’ and ‘Popodyssey’ were probably my favorites. Let me just tell you, that keeping secrets (i.e. my best friend is Justin Timberlake) from my college friends was a struggle. Which is partially why Jeremy and I moved off campus. I had to make sure to walk at least a hundred feet behind or in front of the guys. Years of watching and being around them taught me a few tricks in the paparazzi realm. So about a hundred feet away, Jeremy and I blended as part of the crowd, never part of the crew. No one knew who we were and I liked it that way. Trace hated the cameras but always ended up in pictures because he never listens to me either. The whole world knows him now, so I guess it didn’t matter.

The whole world knows me now, too but for completely different reasons.

I must say that I can’t remember a better birthday party than the one Justin and I had for our twenty first. Justin went all out, renting a club and inviting half of Hollywood. We were all so drunk that night but I do remember having a good time. In my opinion that was the bash of the year and it was only the end of January.

Trace argues that his twenty first-birthday bash was better. It was a big bash but it wasn’t like ours. No way. Our definitely takes the cake. (no pun intended)

Hey Lynn, I’m feeling a little defensive here.

I feel like I have to explain myself to you on this track, overly so. Let me just tell you that the money that Justin gave me every month is still safely in a savings account. I’ve never touched it. Not even once. I have this ongoing joke with him that if he ever goes bankrupt (he has a things with buying cars) he can live off the saving’s account I have. The only reason I accepted his money was because he insisted. If you knew Justin like I know him, you’d take it too. He can be extremely annoying when he has his mind set on something. (so much that you’d seriously contemplate suicide.) Did you think I was a gold digger? You did, didn’t you? I assure you, I’m not that kind of girl. Trace on the other hand is loaded but he’s also Justin’s bitch, so he should be paid. (I love my cousin.)

I bet you the next question in your mind is, where did she get money? Well I haven’t mentioned this (and it’s probably the only time I will) but my dad, whom I haven’t seen since I was six owns a WNBA team. Crazy huh? To think that I wanted to do the same thing. Looking back now I think I wanted to own an WNBA team because it would somehow get me closer to my dad. I was wrong. The only thing that I see from my father is those three thousand dollar checks he sends every month, and I think I’m okay with that. I am okay with that. Change of subject.

Something else that I need to get justified (no pun intended, again) is that I was clueless. How was I supposed to know what the bracelet signified? In the real world, people use words. Justin doesn’t live in the real world, half the time. Don’t blame him for that though, the only real world he knew was from the day he was born until he was about twelve and went to the Mickey Mouse Club. He’s been in celebrity world since then.

I still wear the bracelet all the time. And I did listen to that cd repeatedly. I didn’t figure out Justin wanted me to listen and pay close attention to track seven. You know the one, ‘Tell me, tell me, baby, how come you don't wanna love me’. Yeah. I just recently paid attention to that song while on my way to a recoding session with Mr. Timberlake himself. Oh and yeah we were born on the same day but we DO NOT think the same way. He’s a sneaky one, I won’t even get into half the songs on Justified that he’s nuts for putting out there.

If you have been paying attention to me at all, you’ll see that I referred to Aunt Lynn as just Lynn. (It’s a little weird now)

By the way, I have to mention that sex with Jeremy Owens, star quarterback of USC Trojans, was great!! (But I didn’t know any better, then.)
 

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Not that kind of guy (Remix #2)

I wish you could’ve met Ms. Pizarro too. She was hot and I remember every single one of those vocal lessons she gave me when I was younger.

Where did the One Tree Hill analogy come from? I remember that episode that she’s talking about. (she has the DVD box set that she likes to play all the time) I must agree with her when she says that this whole thing has the ‘time capsule’ feel to it. No, really. I MUST agree because she’s giving me the look again.

Jojo wasn’t lying when she said she wasn’t blessed in the ‘ta-ta’ department. But wait, don’t get all feminist on me. I have to say that I am happily content in ‘her’ department. I visit that department pretty often, actually. It’s become a favorite pastimes. (I’m a pig and you love it.)

Amanda described the beginning of my career as her freedom. Not to sound unappreciative of you (a fan of mine) or anything but it was everything but free. My career has been a bankruptcy so to speak. The only thing I gained was having my friends with me and money in my bank account. I lost every sense of ‘freedom’ I had at sixteen.

When we were touring in Europe it was all together different. We were followed by cameras and did interviews out the ass but when we came home to the states, we were normal guys. I was able to go to the mall with Amanda, Trace and Jeremy and my only worries ranged from what kind of food to get from the mall’s food court to what color Nike’s to get. Those were the days of my ‘freedom’.

By the time I was seventeen I couldn’t step outside my own home, to take the garbage out. (my mother has always kept me grounded. Despite what Amanda says about my ‘celebrity’ world)

I’m asking that you please don’t get the wrong idea. I enjoyed what I did, what I do and I loved it then and I love it now. I’m just trying to differentiate Amanda’s freedom with mine.

Going through the lawsuit bullshit we went through was a scary. I felt like it was the end of my life at one point. But I’d like to take this opportunity to thank you all for your support through all of it. That one millisecond when I thought that it was over for us, as a group, I reprimanded myself. I was wrong it wouldn’t have been the end of my life because I had my family, the guys, my friends and I had her in my life.(Did I just get sappy? I believe I’ve been spending too much time with Lance. He’s such a girl, with all the sensitive shit.) So with all of that how would my life be over? My life was complete and I was lucky to have a nice bonus, I was (am) a ‘celebrity’.

‘No Strings Attached’ was a whole new galaxy of fame for us. You remember how crazy it was. How you bought over a million albums in one day. (Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for that. I mean it.) All the hype that surrounded us was wild. But do you know what I remember and treasure the most about that album, that day? I remember the pure unadulterated look of pride that she gave me before giving me the biggest hug I’ve ever gotten in my adult life. That’s what I remember. That’s what I treasure the most. My friends are ‘MY’ everything.

This ‘time capsule’ has given me lots of opportunities to call Amanda on her bullshit and I love it. Let me just say that I’m just so happy that she didn’t pick Jeremy’s empty seat over Trace’s and mine. It’s a fucking seat, A SEAT. Who cares? The biggest choice should have been made years before that. Full of shit I tell ya. Full of it.
In Jeremy’s defense? Screw him!! (I really want to say the four-letter word, but Jojo says I use it too much.)

I’ve been dreading the time when Lynn brings up Britney. And what do you know? she did!! And now I have to talk about it. Where should I start? The beginning, huh?

Infatuation. That word alone describes my feelings toward Ms. Britney Spears. I was infatuated with that girl since the moment I heard her singing with Christina (Aguilera, who by the way wasn’t that cute when we were twelve. But that looks ‘bangable’ now, I must say.) backstage at the Mickey Mouse Club. She became a fixation that I chose to maintain for years in order to ignore my heart. I’m not going be economical with the truth (another way of saying: lie) and say that I didn’t loved her because that would be a huge fib. I did love her and in some ways I always will. She was always there for me too, ya know. she was my best friend too. For that reason I feel bad for what I did to her and Amanda. I’m sure that no matter what I tell you about how, sweet, loyal, tender, loving and funny Britney is, you’ll still have your own opinions of her. I’m to blame for your negative thoughts, I know. I was a complete ass and you should know that. That’s right, I’m not afraid to admit I was wrong. (most of the time) I was wrong for making you think she betrayed me. I was wrong for making a video simply for your speculation, you know the one. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Amanda is wrong too, for thinking that she can only talk to B, when I’m not around. I know they’re still friends and I’m okay with that. I’m going to change the subject right now before ‘too many feelings’ are let out. I am one hundred percent sure that Lynn will be writing more about Britney and I won’t be able to dodge the situation like I just did. So let’s prolong the Britney thing a little longer. (by the way, the Christina comment I made was because someone, can’t stand her.)

Our birthday bash was the best one? Shit, I thought it fucking sucked. At least the end of it did. I got drunk, made out with my girlfriend and then got my heart ripped out at the end of the night. so I don’t agree that it was ‘the best’ birthday. She should have listened to track ten on the ‘Celebrity’ album too cause that’s exactly what she was that night. Selfish.

Have I complained enough about Jeremy being a big issue, I mean, part of this ‘time capsule’? I don’t think I have. So consider this my complaint. What the fuck? Hey, Lynn can we have a track that doesn’t involve Jeremy Owens? I’d really appreciate it. (This is me giving Lynn a sexy smile.)

By the way, I have to mention that sex with Britney Spears, pop princess, was great too!! How you like them apples, Jojo? (Of course you know better now, you know Timbersnake.)

Main - Next

Homeboy Memoirs .... Track Four (The Happy Song) Track Four (The Happy Song)

February 27, 2002 (The 44th Annual Grammy Awards)

Justin had been pacing the hotel floor for nearly twenty minutes. With the spinning of her head, caused by the alcohol consumed that night, she didn’t know how much of the pacing she could take. Lifting her head from between her knees, she looked at her other two best friends, pretending to shoot herself in the head with her finger.

Her cousin dared to smile, while Jeremy rolled his eyes, sarcastically. She wanted the spinning of the room to stop. She wanted to go back in time and refuse that last drink, offered by her cousin. But most importantly she wanted Justin to stop pacing the goddamn floor.

“Justin!!” she yelled out, causing the other two occupants to jolt in surprise. “Sit the fuck down!!”

“What?” Justin yelled back, as if suddenly aware that he wasn’t alone in the room.

“Sit down, man. You’re making us dizzier.” Trace said from the bed, where he sat in a similar position as his cousin.

“Newsflash, asshole!! No one asked you to come in here!!” Justin said only receive a finger from Trace.

“The only asshole I see right now is you.” Jeremy said from the chair at the far end of the hotel room.

“Fuck you!! I didn’t ask you to come in here, either.” Justin snapped.

“Justin!!” Amanda yelled. “Chill the fuck out. You called me to come in here, so that means we all come.”

“Can you do anything without him, Amanda?” Justin asked bitterly.

“What?” she asked in frustration.

“What the fuck does that mean?” Jeremy spit out, standing from his seat and walking toward Justin.

“Guys!!” Amanda yelled.

“What the fuck do you think I mean?” Justin said stepping closer to him.

“Fuck!!” Trace said emerging from the bed and standing between the two. “Justin, dude, what are you doing? What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” Justin said turning and walking to his original spot, his back toward his three friends.

“Nothing?” Amanda asked. “You have been pacing this floor for half an hour. You’re about to get into a brawl with one of your best friends, and there’s nothing wrong? You’re out of your mind.”

“What’s going on, J?” Trace asked worried.

“We can’t do anything to help if you don’t tell us what’s going on.” Amanda added.

“Tell us.” Trace grunted.

“Come on, Justin.” Amanda said after a few minutes of silence. “Where’s Britney? Why didn’t she come out with us tonight?”

“We can’t read your mind. You have to tell us.” Jeremy said, back in his comfortable seat. “We are pretty sure it has something to do with Britney cause she sat on the other side of the venue during the entire show. She didn’t come out to the after-parties with us and you haven’t bothered talking to us much all night. So you have to tell us the rest.”

“Who said I have to tell you anything? It’s none of your business.” Justin spit back.

“Cut the bullshit. You and I know it probably has to do with one of us.” Jeremy said glancing discreetly at his girlfriend, then back at Justin.

“You two need to get over whatever the hell has been up your asses for all these years and grow the fuck up.” Amanda said getting up and heading to the bathroom. “I’m going to my room to throw up, now.”

“That’s disgusting, Manda.” Trace cringed.

“This whole display of supposable friendships is disgusting.” She said slamming the door behind her, leaving the men alone in the hotel room.

“You need to shut your fucking mouth.” Justin threatened Jeremy, finger pointed at him.

“You need to face the facts, Timberlake.” Jeremy shrugged. “I’m going to go check on my girlfriend.” he said disappearing behind the hotel door.

“What the hell is Pretty-fuck talking about?” Trace asked.

“I’m so sick of this shit, man.” Justin said throwing himself on the bed next to him.

“What happened with Britney?”

“We’re done.”

“Serious?”

“As a heart attack.”

“Damn man. I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“What happened?”

“Everything.” Justin said as he turned his head toward the door, a look of longing on his face. “She thinks I’m in love with someone else.”

“Why would she think that?”

“Because it’s the truth.” Justin said staring at the door.

“Justin? Tell me it’s not who I think it is. Tell me it’s not her.” a look of confusion and hurt across Trace’s features.

“I’m afraid I can’t tell you that, T.” Justin said in anguish.

“Shit, how long have you been feeling like this?”

“How long have we known each other?”

“Since forever.”

“That sounds about right.” Justin said turning his eyes toward his best friend, a tear slipping from his eye. “I’m sorry for not telling you sooner.”

“Jesus!! You’re in trouble.”

“I know.”

--------------------

Next Day
L.A.X. Airport

She needed an aspirin and need it as soon as possible. Opening her eyes all the way was out of the question. The dark shades that covered her eyes didn’t seem to be helping either. She had a headache from hell and walking through a crowded airport wasn’t helping the situation. People were everywhere, bumping into her no matter how much she tried to avoid them.

If it weren’t for the fact that she’d promised her boyfriend that she’d come to the airport with him, she would be sleeping off the hangover at that moment. She considered herself a good girlfriend and moments like those she wondered if being a bad one would be a better option. The fact that she wouldn’t see him for two entire weeks, saddened her but her head was pounding too deafeningly to give it much thought at that point. She’d get back to missing him later on that day.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?” he asked, his arm around her shoulder as they walked toward his boarding terminal.

“I promised Trace and Justin I would stay with them.” she yawned. “And besides, going with you would be having to be in a hotel room alone all day. Football conferences aren’t my cup of tea.”

“I know, you’re right. I’m just going to miss ya, babe.” he said kissing the side of her head.

“I’m going to miss you too.” Amanda said sincerely after kissing his lips. “What I’m not going to miss is this fucking headache, once I get back to the hotel and get some aspirin.”

“Stop cursing, babe.” Jeremy chuckled.

“How are you even alive this morning?”

“I didn’t party as much as you did, Amanda.” Jeremy teased. “If I did, who would look out for you?”

“You know you don’t have to worry about me, it’s not like I don’t have two other sets of eyes on me at all times.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” he mumbled.

“What?”

“I said Justin and Trace were as drunk as you were.” Jeremy stated. “Justin had a rough night.”

“I hope he’s in a better mood today because this headache I have isn’t going to put up with much of his shit.”

“He’ll get over whatever it is with Britney. You and I are always good and Trace has his hoes. Everyone is happy.”

“Tricks.”

“Huh?”

“Tricks, not hoes.” Amanda said with a laugh. “Oh, god it hurts to laugh.

“My poor baby.” Jeremy said kissing her face repeatedly.

“You better get on that flight before the coach start blowing up your phone again. You’re lucky he let you take these couple of days off for the Grammy’s.” Amanda said after several lingering kisses.

“I’ll call you when I get a chance, okay?”

“Please do so. I’ll see ya back home in two weeks, okay?”

“Be careful. Don’t go falling in love with anyone else while I’m gone.” he said after kissing her lips tenderly.

“Impossible. I only love you.” Amanda smiled.

“I know.” Jeremy said with a sexy smiled toward her as he walked away.

Amanda watched her boyfriend as he disappeared behind the corridor doors before turning to walk out through the crowd again. Her headache still live and kicking.

As she made her way outside toward the black Yukon Denali she’d come in, she could see a group of men surrounding the vehicle. She really wasn’t in the mood to deal with photographers and the thought made her head throb painfully. Her first thought was that Trace had shown his face and the paparazzi  automatically though Justin Timberlake was in the car. As she got closer to the vehicle she realized that instead of the Yukon, a black Suburban had taken its place. Looking up the side she could see that her ride had moved up the line of cars, to accommodate other vehicles. Amanda started heading toward her ride when she heard the photographers start their chant of questions, a custom when a celebrity was spotted. Turning, she saw a very haggard looking Britney getting out of the truck, followed by her entourage.

Deciding to step back inside the airport to avoid the cameras, Amanda waited just inside the censorized doors. A few minutes later she was able to signal Rob, who was accustomed to seeing her around and was allowed access to catch up to Britney.

“Where you two ladies going?” she asked with a smile when she caught up with a fast paced, Britney and Felicia.

“Hey!!” Britney said shocked to find Amanda next to her as they walked. “What are you doing here?”

“Hey, Amanda.” Felicia said before continuing her conversation on her cell phone.

“Jeremy just left for Atlanta. What I should ask, is what you are doing here.” Amanda asked confused. “Where’s Justin?”

“I thought he was with you.” Britney said.

“I haven’t seen him since last night. He was pretty upset the last time I saw him.”

“Oh.”

“What happened?” Amanda asked. “You didn’t even sit with us at the show. Is everything okay?”

“He hasn’t talked to you yet?” Britney asked.

“No, we tried talking to him but you know how he can get.”

“We?”

“Yeah, Jeremy, Trace and I.” Amanda said as they came to a stop at a private terminal.

“God, he’s so stupid.” Britney huffed.

“What? Now you’re acting like him.” Amanda chuckled.

“I have to go, Amanda. I’ll see you around, okay?” Britney said in a sad tone before hugging her.

“Why am I getting a bad feeling? Is this goodbye?” Amanda questioned, confusion evident in her face.

“Maybe. Who knows.” Britney shrugged. “Take care of him for me, homegirl.”

“You know I don’t like that term.” Amanda said with a smile.

“You never complain when he says it.” Britney said before walking away, without another word.

Amanda couldn’t comprehend what was happening. When they’d arrived at the Grammy’s everything had seemed okay. Adjusting her shades on her face, she made her way out to her ride, avoiding the herd of photographers.

“Trace, wake up!!” Amanda said with a smack to her cousin’s chest, as he napped inside the vehicle.

“Don’t touch me again, Manda.” He mumbled, eyes still closed.

“Wake up!!” she said with a shove to his shoulders.

“Are we at the hotel?” Trace asked shoving her back lightly.

“No, moron.”

“Then leave me alone.”

“Did you talk to Justin?”

“Why are you still talking?”

“I just walked though an airport with the same hangover, Juan. So don’t give me any shit.” Amanda said rubbing circles on her temples. “Did you find out what happened last night?”

“It’s your own stupid fault for walking through the airport. Jeremy could of walked himself. He’s a big boy.”

“Can you not start on Jeremy, right now?” Amanda said glaring at her cousin from behind her shades. “I just ran into Britney.”

“You did?” Trace asked suddenly wide-awake. “Did she talk to you?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t she? She was acting weird and she sounded like it would be the last time we see each other.”

“Really. Did she say anything else?” he asked curiously.
“She didn’t say much. She was just acting weird.”

“How weird?”

“I don’t know, dirtball. Weird. Not exactly singing the happy song, weird.” Amanda shrugged. “Do you think they broke up for real this time?”

“Who?”

“Are we having the same conversation?”

“What?”

“I swear it’s not possible that we have the same blood running through our veins. No way.” Amanda said closing her eyes and resting her head on the headrest.

“What else did she say?” Trace question again.

“She didn’t say anything!!” Amanda snapped. “Go back to sleep, Trace.”

---------------

Arriving at the hotel, Amanda rolled her eyes at the amount of paparazzi outside. She couldn’t understand what their fascination was. With the intentions of not being photographed she asked Lonnie to drop her off a hundred feet from where the herd of paparazzi were standing. Amanda gave her cousin a finger as he protested about her way of avoiding the paparazzi and got out of the car. Quickly shoving the Access Pass into the coat she walked toward the hotel. No one turned her way, no one cared.  Smiling at her accomplishment as she neared the door, she retrieved her pass and showed it to the security guy. He smiled at her and opened the door behind him, having seen her exit with Trace and Jeremy just a few hours before.

“Thank you.” She said with a smile as she moved toward the inside of the hotel lobby.

“She was just with Britney at the airport!!”

“Hey! Hey! What’s your name?”

She heard someone from outside. Amanda was immediately annoyed that she’d been noticed. It had happened before at concerts but Trace had always been there with her, explaining that she was his cousin. As far as she knew, no one had taken pictures of her. The airport incident though, she knew she hadn’t avoided much of the paparazzi at all. Her picture was bound to appear somewhere and with the headache she still had, she didn’t much care.

“Where have you been?” someone said stepping in front of her as she headed toward the elevator. Looking up she saw the winter hat on his head, a big pull over sweater and baggy sweats pants to match. Through her shades, she would have said that the sweats were black but she’d seen him wear that attire before and knew that they were navy blue instead.

“At the airport.” she said. “What are you doing down here?”

“I was lookin’ fo’ ya’ll.”

“Why do you have to be so country in the morning?” Amanda asked as they stepped into the elevator. “You know that was a stupid move, going down there right?”

“I don’t care.” Justin shrugged. “There’s about a dozen other celebrities in this hotel, including Grammy winners. They could care less if Justin Timberlake of Nsync was in the lobby.”

“It’s good that you’re humble Justin. Stupid, but humble.” Amanda said as they stepped off the elevator on the eighteenth floor. “They just took about a thousand pictures while you asked me where I was. That was within seconds.”

“I didn’t notice.”

“Whatever. Speaking of where I was. I saw Britney at the airport. Any idea where your girlfriend is going?”

“She’s not… I don’t know.”

“What happened?” Amanda asked as she put her hotel key in its slot. She entered the room taking her coat off and throwing her shades on the dresser as she walked. Kicking her shoes off and laying under the already made bed covers. Justin followed her into the room opting to sit on the edge of the bed, his back toward her.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? Honestly Justin, you have to do better than that today. My head hurts and I can’t analyze your words. You’re going to have to be clearer. What things did you guys argue about? I’m assuming there was an argument.” she mumbled from under the covers.

“It was just one particular thing, really.” Justin shrugged. “I can’t blame her though. I know she’s right. I’ve spent all these years not only lying to her but to myself.”

“What are you talking about?” Amanda asked sitting up.

“I have to tell you something, Jojo.” Justin said, “Before it kills me.”

“What is it, Justin?” Amanda asked worried, crawling over to the edge of the bed where he sat. Taking the covers off of her she sat next to him, a worrisome expression on her face.

“I don’t know how to tell you this, Jojo. I don’t even think I can say it out loud, actually.” Justin said standing up and starting his ritual of pacing.

“Justin, please don’t start the pacing again. You’re scaring me here.”

“Where’s Trace?” Justin asked suddenly.

“He was going in the back entrance of the hotel with Lonnie. Why?”

“Just asking.” Justin shrugged as he paced.

“You’re avoiding is what you’re doing.” Amanda said, sitting Indian style on the edge of the bed. “Tell me what’s going on? Why are you not telling us.”

“I’ve been avoiding it for a  very long time now.”

“Justin, please. Tell me before I kill you. What’s going on?”

“Britney and I broke up.”

“I gathered that part. Why though?”

“She….” Justin started to say before stopping in the middle of his pacing to look at her. She looked so worried about him. Her full attention was focused on him. He couldn’t make a choice. He couldn’t tell her the truth and ruin everything because he was sure that was what was going to happen.

“She what?”

“Jesus, I can’t do this.” He said putting his hands on his head as he started his pacing again.

“Try. Since when do you have a hard time talking to me? I’m getting a bit offended here.”

“Where did Jeremy go again?”

“Justin?” Amanda said with a raised brow. “If you don’t tell me what’s wrong I’m going to beat it out of you.  Or I can just call Britney. How about I do that instead?”

“No!!”

“Then tell me.” Amanda spat out. “You’re worrying me here, homeboy.”

“I’m going to say this once and I’m not repeating it, okay?” Justin said and waited for Amanda to nod in agreement. When she did, he stopped pacing, walked over to her, sat down next to her and looked into her eyes. His eyes watered, tears threatening to spill, not because of what he would say to his best friend. But because of what he just couldn’t say without losing it all.  “Britney cheated on me.” he lied.

“What?!!” Amanda asked shocked, getting up from the bed and starting a slow version of Justin’s pacing.

“Shocking, huh?”

“I’m more like baffled. How could she do something like that? Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Justin said, the guilt making the tears spill over his eyelids.

“Oh god, Justin. I’m so sorry.” she said throwing herself at him. Hugging him tightly, like only a friend could.

“It’s okay, Amanda.”

“No, it’s not okay. She hurt you.” Amanda said, sadness overtaking her senses. She was honestly hurting for her friend. She knew that Britney had been the love of his life, and he probably wasn’t going to get over that.

“Not as much as I’ve hurt her.” Justin mumbled into her hair. “Don’t cry, Amanda. It’s okay. Really.”

“I know you, Justin. I know you love her very much. I know that right now you’re not saying much about it but I need you to understand that I am here for you whenever you want to let it out. Okay?”

“I know, Jojo. I know.” Justin said as he returned her second hug.

“I’m so sorry.”

“I know, Amanda. So am I.”

“I can’t believe she would do this.” She whispered, the sadness taking its toll, a tear slipping her right eye..

“Nothing makes me more happy than to know, that I have such a close friend, to know that you’re down for me is reassuring, it’s the reason I’m always smiling.” he sang softly after a few minutes of silence, as she held onto him in comfort.

“And when I’m kicking it with you, I have a lot of fun with you, never any kind pressure, coming from you, trying to get me to do, anything I’m not ready to, that’s why I really like you.” she sang back, recognizing the song. They both hummed the song as they held each other.

“Da da da da da da, you make me happy.” she sang with a soft giggle.

“And if it’s supposed to be, then we’re gonna be, no one can stop what’s destined.” Justin sang fading into the chorus, not finishing the lyrics of the song.

“It’s gonna be okay, homeboy.”

Main - Next

Homeboy Memoirs ..... Track Four Remixes The Happy Song (Remix #1)

Before I start this remix I just want you to know that I’m not an alcoholic. As I read and remembered those events, I couldn’t help but feel like maybe I gave you the wrong impression. To clarify, let me just say that I only drink on occasion. Aren’t the Grammy’s an occasion? I think so. Don’t be judging me!!

Looking back at Justin’s display of self-pity, that night, disappoints me. But let me just go with the flow here. One thing at a time.

The bitter words shared between Justin and my lovely boyfriend, Jeremy hadn’t made much sense to me that night, but listening to them now, I should have caught on. (but I was drunk. Yes, I said it. Drunk.) Back then I basically thought they were immature and stupid. Still do actually. (Although I can’t stand one of them now)

My theory back then, on why those two found themselves in stupid arguments? JEALOUSY. On huge gigantic word isn’t it?

Before you agree with me, let me explain.

Jeremy Owens has gotten everything he’s ever wanted, except for one thing. He was the captain of his high school team, he had dated the captain of the cheerleading squad (That’s me, by the way.), he’d gotten a scholarship to USC and he’d become the star quarterback of the college’s football team.  He was a normal person. Paparazzi didn’t chase him down. He was able to take me anywhere he wanted at the spur of the moment. He was normal.

Justin on the other hand wasn’t normal. While Justin had sold millions of records worldwide, was dating America’s pop princess and could wipe his ass with hundred dollar bills (Seriously, he could, if he wanted to.), he wasn’t normal. He couldn’t take us somewhere without having it ‘arranged’. He was constantly in the public eye.

Do you see what I mean? Jeremy had a normal life, something Justin was secretly longing for. Justin was a star, a celebrity, something Jeremy hoped to accomplish in his football career. Do you see, now? Was my theory a loud of shit, or was it a good logic? How could I have been so right, yet so wrong in my theory? For a smart girl, I wasn’t then, huh? Jealousy was the cause, or should I say I was the cause?

I’ve convinced my cousin to say a few words to you about his take on this whole thing. Reason? Well, the more Lynn let’s you know, the guiltier I feel for dragging Trace into the tangled web we weaved. I can’t fathom the constant stress we must have caused him. In my defense, Justin started it!! (This is me, stomping my foot like a child.)

The memory of that day, when I saw Britney at the airport, (I later found out she was on her way to New Orleans, to promote Crossroads.) still makes me feel horrible. The fact that she knew something that I didn’t, something that had hurt her, hurts me as well. She was (is) a friend of mine and I’ve known her as long as Justin has, it really sucks how someone else’s feelings, and your own, can take friendships to a breaking point. I’ve since said that I was sorry but she insists that I shouldn’t apologize for something I didn’t have control over. (It still doesn’t make me feel any better, though.)

When Trace asked me if Britney had ‘said’ anything, I should have known something was up, but honestly, I had no idea. (Denial is a bitch, isn’t it?)

Those pictures of me with Britney and Felicia at the airport, did eventually make it on a tabloid. The caption under the picture read something along the lines of : Britney Spears appeared distraught as she took her entourage on a private flight to New Orleans. Sources tell us that the pop princess was headed to New Orleans to promote her new movie, Crossroads, after a split from Nsyncer’ Justin Timberlake.

Doesn’t it bug you that every picture or any article pops out the ‘sources tell us’ or ‘our sources say’? Let me tell you a little secret, there are no sources. There never has been. What there are plenty of are snitches. Snitches aren’t sources to celebrities, they are janitorial staff at a celebrity-infested hotel, and they are the pool boys, the pizza delivery guys. You get me? If you want to know a real ‘source’, here I am. You can’t get a better ‘source’ than me. (Really, I know this man you adore, from head to toe.)

Anyway, so yeah the ‘source’ didn’t say who I was, which I guess was good. I still argue with Justin that the ‘source’ that leaked his break-up with Britney was the maid outside the hotel room, where Justin and Britney had been arguing. He says I was too drunk that night to know that for sure, which is true, because Justin left the last party an hour before we did.  Maybe the maid was in the closet or something. Listening. Again I was drunk, excuse me.

I won’t even get into that last part of Lynn’s story because well, it’s bullshit. God I want to kick his ass for lying to me. But we’ll get to that later in the soundtrack, I guess.

I ended up recording that song that we sang to each other. As you can see, it’s the name of this track. I love that song. And why wouldn’t I? I wrote it. Back then I didn’t think it would have such a strong impact in my life.

Justin didn’t sing the full lyrics to that song, so I would like to take this opportunity to sing that verse to you again.

“And if it’s supposed to be, then we’re gonna be, no one can stop what’s destined, for you and me, who’s to say that we, won’t fall deep in love, it’s a very good chance because….”

The song then goes onto the chorus but go pick up the album and take a good listen. (Shameless Plug!!)

And ladies, yes, Justin Timberlake sings to his girl.

Justin, please remember what can happen to Timbersnake if you mention him again. (Good Lord, now you have me referring to it as ‘him’. You’ll pay for that)
 

------------------------------------------------

The Sad Song (Remix # 2)

I’m a bastard. I deserve to die. I know. Believe me I know.

What do you want me to say? Would you like me to tell you that all of the negative things you think about Britney, are acceptable? They’re not, so I can’t do that. I can’t tell you why I said what I said that day. I just couldn’t tell the truth. I couldn’t speak it, knowing that the moment I did, disaster would overtake my life. Not that making you (and the whole world) believe Britney cheated on me isn’t a form of disaster or anything, because it was. I can admit now and even then that I was a coward. If somehow I would have known then what I know now, maybe I would have told Amanda the truth. The truth that has haunted me for over two decades, the truth that I still thrive on today.

I’ve hurt not only Amanda and Britney with that lie, but you as well. I manipulated the situation and ran with it, all the way until I couldn’t take the lies anymore. (you’ll see in the following tracks, what I’m talking about.)

I’ve hurt Britney by making her out to be the ‘bad guy’, which couldn’t be farthest from the truth. Britney deserved and deserves better than that because she’s awesome. You know who the bad guy was? Yeah, me. I’m the one that put those hateful words in your mouth about her.

I’ve hurt Amanda because I didn’t trust her enough. I assumed the worst from her. (and rightfully so, wait till you listen to more tracks) I didn’t give her a chance to decided on her own what the outcome of my ‘truth’ would be.

I’ve hurt you , my fans, because I used you. I used you to sell a record. I used you for publicity, I gave you what you wanted to see, read and hear. All because I was too fucking afraid of the outcome of my ‘truth’.

I want to apologize for that, I realize that for some of my fans (even Britney fans, or Jojo fans) an apology now, is simply too late. But it’s all I got. I truly am sorry for what I did.

Lynn didn’t mention this but I wasn’t alone in my truth. There was someone who knew and understood, even supported me in my ‘truth’ (Besides Trace, who I told that night). She’s always known my truths, my lies and my bullshit. I was eight years old when I first told her about this particular truth we’re talking about. We have always made it a point to take some time to sit and talk. My schedule has been hectic since I was fourteen years old, so the talks varied from ten minutes on the phone to the rare weekends we get to spend together. When those rare occasions occur, we enjoy them, I enjoy them. On those occasions when it’s just us, I tell her my truths and she understands me and supports me. Amanda has been my truth since January thirty-first nineteen eighty-one, and I truly believe that. Only one person knew that, though. That person is responsible for giving me life. That person is who brought me into this world, to entertain you. My first best friend. My mother.

I realize that I truly am a momma’s boy but my mother is awesome and I can’t help it. (Just so you know, Lynn Harless, wasn’t so supportive of the Britney bashing. At all)

Speaking of support systems, I’d also like to take a moment to thank, Trace. For all the shit he’s had to endure. (Him and his cousin are sitting on the couch, both threatening to spill the beans again, so I HAVE to thank him.) All jokes aside though, that’s my boy, my partner, my brother, my best friends and I love that little man. I don’t know what I would do without his support. Probably be my own bitch. And I probably would have more beer in the fridge. (Okay, so I had to throw in a joke. God forbid I get all sappy and gay in regards to Trace.)

I started it, Amanda? No one asked you to be born, perfect, for me, so I beg to differ. (I’m stomping my foot back.) And you didn’t mind ‘him’ last night, did you?

She’s going to have me skinned. (I’ll just sing to her later, which always works.)

Love, Justin (again, I did that. I’m such a pimp.)

------------------------------------------------------

The Fucked-up Song (Remix # 3)

I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to sit here and recount the events in my two best friends’ lives, but they are making me. (I’m such a pussy when it comes them.)

I came over to watch a game. And no offense to you, really, but fuck this!!

They asked (made me) me to tell  about how shitty I felt, how caught in the middle I felt. So I’m going to try.

It was horrible.

I have my cousin, whom I love dearly, even though she’s making me do this. We grew up together in the same home but I’m sure she told you that.

And I have my best friend, my brother, my partner, who I don’t know if I could do without, Justin. (I’m not gay!!)

I remember that day when Justin told me about his feelings, like it was yesterday. I think I was in shock for a good hour before it dawned on me that, deep inside, I already knew. I think I had it twisted though.

Let me explain something to you. In my life, since I was born basically, I’ve known two facts. One, that I wasn’t going to be tall. And two, that Justin and Amanda would forever be in my life. So it was inevitable that Justin and Amanda would become one. (No pun intended. That’s kind of gross to think about.)

What the fuck was I saying? Oh yeah, I knew. Only I always thought that the first admission would come from Manda. Mainly because she needed to drop Shit-face as soon as possible. I didn’t the admission would come from Justin, nor did I think Manda was completely oblivious. She’s making me do this, so I’m going to talk shit. I think Manda knew how Justin felt but she was soo far up Asshole’s ass that she failed to realize it. There I said it. Fuck that!!

I don’t know if these two have told you about my feelings toward Jeremy, (a.k.a shit-face, a.k.a, pretty-fuck, a.k.a asshole, a.k.a shit-wad. You get the picture.) or lack thereof. I’ve known Jeremy basically all my life too, but it’s different with him. Everything changed in middle school, when I was the short kid and he wanted to be the ‘big’ man on the block.

God, I can’t believe I’m actually telling you this.

Fuck!! I hate these kind of things.

Jeremy and I became pretty close when Justin left. I guess I can’t deny that, although I do, all the time. As the years went on, I started seeing him for what he was. A wannabe.

I’ve never had a problem making friends, ever. Justin and I share the same trait, we’re cool.  (Don’t roll your eyes, if you’d ever met us, you’d know what I’m saying is true.) We don’t search out friends, they just fall into place because we are genuine, we don’t take any shit and people respect that.

Jeremy on the other hand, wasn’t one to make friends on his own. Did Manda and Justin tell you that, we (well, Manda did) had to cross that street to talk to him? That although he was playing with his stupid football, across the street, and he could see us on the other side, he didn’t make an attempt to befriend us. What a mistake we made, that day. At least I thought so, I introduced him to every single one of those kids in Millington. And what do I get? I get told I’m not good enough to play football, or basketball, or go to the arcade, by non other than Jeremy ‘I’m the big man on the block now’ Owens. He didn’t keep me from those friends I introduced him to because I already had Justin and Manda but being set aside for people that weren’t ‘there’ for him pissed me off.

When his father had abused him, verbally. I was there. When his mother didn’t let him do anything but play football. I was there. When he wanted someone to give another a Valentine’s card, because he couldn’t leave the house. I was there. When it was time to choose between a friend and a bunch of superficial friends, he chose  them instead. That is why, he will forever be an asshole to me.

I’m done talking about him.

So, yeah, I expected the admission to come from Manda. I don’t know why, I just did. Maybe because I know Justin just as well, and he wouldn’t speak on anything like that to Manda. He’s too wary of Manda’s opinion, he values it too much. If he would have admitted to her, that he felt the way he did and she flipped out, causing their friendship to deteriorate, he wouldn’t have made it. He would have been devastated, so that I guess was my deciding factor, Amanda would be the one.

Amanda has always been the one to keep us, the boys, in check. She’s out spoken and doesn’t really take shit, from us or anyone. If she feel like we did something wrong, she will let us know about it. Repeatedly. With her shoulder-length black hair, standing at five-foot-five, she can be pretty intimidating. She has these bright blue eyes that kind of hypnotize you, she’s beautiful. (Don’t be a pervert now, I’m not crushing on my cousin.)

I was so glad when everything got settled between my two friends. When everything came full circle, when things were back to normal. Although normal meant having to watch them make out when they thought no one was watching.  Did I tell you too much? I think I might have because those two are cursing at me. Oh well.

So maybe, just maybe this shit they are doing isn’t so bad. Maybe, and I mean maybe, I will talk to you again. You seem nice. You don’t say much and laugh at my jokes, so I guess you’re alright.

I’m going to go grab a beer out the fridge now. And commercials are over so I’m out.

Peace.

Main - Next

Homeboy Memoirs ..... Track Five (Homeboy) Track Five (Homeboy)

April 2002

Flight to Norfolk, Virginia on private jet

Amanda grunted when Trace aimed the video camera on her face, once again. She was highly annoyed, ready to kill him and shove the camera where the sun didn’t shine. The whole concept behind following Justin around with a video camera, while he recorded his album, seemed absurd to her. The other thing that baffled her was the fact that MTV had provided Trace a state-of-the-art video camera, and offered to pay him a nice amount of money for the footage. The fact that MTV gave Trace lots of money to annoy people, annoyed her instead because her cousin was very good at annoying people.

“I swear to you, if you don’t get that fucking camera out of my face, I will kill you.” Amanda said to the lens aimed at her face. “Even if you’re blood.”

“Stop cursing, babe” Jeremy said from where he sat next to her.

“Don’t fucking tell her what to do.” Trace said, turning the camera on Jeremy.

“Fuck off, Trace.” Jeremy sneered as he tossed a Nerf football from hand to hand.

“Jeremy, don’t talk to him like that!! Trace, seriously babe. Turn that shit off.”

“Can’t do it, pretty cousin of mine.” Trace smirked turning around on his seat. “We’ll see who gets fucked in the end, asshole.” he mumbled under his breath, as he focused the camera on Justin who was busy talking to Eric. “Say something, Justin.” he said. “I’ve had this thing for three hours and I don’t have you in any of the shots. Kind of defeats the purpose.”

“That thing is going to get you in trouble, man.” Justin chuckled.

“Is that how they work things now? They give you your own camera?” Eric, the burly security guard asked Trace.

“Yep.”

“Apparently. He’s driving me insane.” Amanda said from her seat. “While he’s getting paid, I contemplate homicide.”

“Shut up, Manda.” Trace smirked.

“Why don’t you shut up?” Amanda said raising her brow at him playfully, snatching the football from Jeremy’s hand, and throwing it at the lens.

“Settle down, kids.” Justin laughed, as he watched Trace throw the football back, hitting Jeremy on the side of his head.

“You missed, little man.” Jeremy said throwing the ball across the private jet to Justin.

“No, actually I hit my target, head on.” Trace said with a laugh. “When are we leaving?”

“In a few minutes, we’re waiting on the pilot.” Eric informed them.

“We don’t have a pilot yet? Jesus!!” Amanda complained.

“Relax, Jojo.” Justin said sipping on his can of Sprite, after throwing the ball back to Jeremy.

“Here comes the pilot now.” Trace said as he aimed his camera lens to the window to his left. “About time.”

“How long is this flight again?” Justin asked no one in particular.

“Hour and a half, I think.” Trace was the first to respond.

“That’s it?” Jeremy asked.

“Yup.” Trace answered.

“You excited, homeboy?” Amanda asked.

“Yup.” Justin said as Trace focused the camera on him in anticipation that he would talk into the camera that time. “You know it’s funny. Most people are like ‘I’m going to New York or L.A. to record my album.’ And then there’s me. I’m going to Virginia Beach, baby.”

“It’s the beginning, J.” Jeremy said.

“It’s the beginning to the beginning.” Trace said as he recorded.

“No, it’s the beginning to the end. Cause no one else gets to come out.” Justin said with a chuckle to the camera causing everyone to laugh.

“It’s going to be great.” Amanda gushed. “Right, babe?”

“Of course.” Jeremy said rubbing his swore shoulder, his reason for being able to come on the trip to Virginia.

After a few minutes, everyone became involved in their own things. Trace was fidgeting with the camera, Eric slept and Jeremy and Amanda were engaged in conversation. And Justin sat, miserably and discreetly watching the latter.

Things wouldn’t be so great after all.

---------

September 2003
Los Angeles

Amanda punched in the last few keys to finish the message she was sending her boyfriend on her Sidekick before turning her attention on the recording session in front of her. Being in the studio with her best friend was one of her favorite things to do. That day though, she couldn’t wait to get out, she was hungry and getting a bit antsy, waiting on him.

“This is taking a little long, isn’t it?” the blond sitting next to her asked.

“Just a little bit.” Amanda said rolling her eyes. “You don’t have to wait around for us, ya know.”

“I know. I’m not waiting for you, though, I’m waiting on Justin.” The blond said with a fake smile.

“Justin is a big boy, despite his age, he doesn’t need to be waited on.” Amanda retorted, just as calm and short as the other woman had spoken.

“Let me be the judge of that, Jojo.” She said with a smirk.

“Don’t ever call me that, Cameron. You don’t know me.” Amanda said.

“Sure feels like it.” Cameron retorted. “You’re always around.”

“Funny, I could say the same thing about you.” Amanda smirked. “I’m going to go call my boyfriend. You know, the one that’s the same age as me.”

“You do that.” Cameron said with a shrug.

Amanda stepped out of the recording studio, into the hallway with a grunt. Opting to sit on a couch to wait for her friend, she randomly commenced chewing on her newly highlighted hair.

“That’s attractive.” Justin said coming around the corner, the baby blue, Virginia Beach hat he wore, tilted to the side, barely on his head.

“Nahoneiscryintubeattactiv” Amanda mumbled, the end of her hair in her mouth.

“What?” Justin asked, taking a seat next to her, notepad in hand.

“Nothing.” Amanda said releasing the hair form her mouth. “You all done?” she asked eyeing the legal pad he had in his hand.

“I think so.” Justin said. “I didn’t mean to take this long but all the guys upstairs were talking shit about how good they were at NBA Live, I had to show them my skills.”

“You left me down here with Cameron Crow all this time and you were playing video games instead of writing sixteen bars?”

“Be nice to Cam, Jojo.” Justin said. “I didn’t take too long, and besides there are about fifteen people in that studio.”

“Those people are busy making music, homeboy.” Amanda sulked. “And you should tell your girl to be nice herself. With her age you’d think she’d picked up the grandma manners by now.”

“Get over it, Jojo. You’re nuts.” Justin chuckled, getting up from the sofa. “Come on let’s go record this verse, then we can go.”

“Is she coming with us?” Amanda asked as she followed him into the studio.

“Just you, Trace and I tonight, Jo. I promise.”

“Good.” she said as they entered the room, Justin’s arm draped around her shoulder.

“I’m glad you came to visit for the week.” Justin said giving her a side hug.

“Me too. It’s too bad Jeremy had to go to Atlanta for that interview, it could have been all four of us hanging out.”

“Yeah. Give me an hour tops and then we can go hang out, okay?” Justin said with a smile before kissing the side of her head then walking over to his girlfriend who was busy talking to one of the men in the room.

After arranging the song, Justin was able to go into the booth. A few takes had been recorded but he didn’t like any of them, despite the compliments he’d received. Wanting to soak in the studio vibe, Amanda sat next to the producer, the soundboard in front of her.

“He’s going to sing again now.” Cameron said from behind her as Justin prepared to sing behind the glass in front of them.

“Really?” Amanda asked sarcasm dripping from her lips.

“Whatever.” Cameron said with a roll of her baby blue eyes, ones that matched hers almost identically. Amanda cringed at the recognition.

“Turn the right up a little bit.” Justin said to the sound guy as he pointed to the right of his headset. “Ready?”

“You tell me.” Charlie Wilson, the artist that Justin was featured with, said. When the music began, Justin appeared to be frustrated when nothing came from his mouth. “You okay?”

“Hey Charlie,” Justin said into the microphone. “can someone turn the light off in here?”

“Yeah sure.” Charlie said turning to ask someone to do the requested, Justin saw Amanda react to his request first, getting up from her chair to turn the switch off by the booth’s door.

“Thanks, Jo.” Justin said. “It’s kind of dark in here. Yikes!!” he joked.

“What is he doing?” Charlie asked Amanda, who sat on the chair next to him once again.

“He does that when he’s stuck on lyrics.” Amanda responded as she got comfortable on her chair again. “It’s something we do.”

“Of course.” Cameron commented from the couch behind them.

“Strange.” Charlie chuckled. “You ready, J?”

“Hit me.” Justin said. “It’s kind of creepy that I can see you but you can’t see me, isn’t it? It’s the twilight zone.” he laughed, humming the theme song.

“He lit up way to much today. “Amanda chuckled at Charlie.

“He’s been with Pharrell upstairs all day. What do you expect.” Cameron said with a laugh.

Amanda rolled her eyes yet again, a habit that she couldn’t control around Justin’s new girlfriend. Justin watched her from behind the glass, a smile on his lips as he listened for his cue on the track.

“Hey girl,” Justin began singing. “I can’t seem to take my eyes off of ya.” He sang as he looked across the glass. “Cause when I look into those baby blues, I could feel my heart drop to the ground and for that I love you.”

“That was what I like to call, perfect.” Charlie said after a few playbacks of the verse. “What do you think?”

“I couldn’t agree more.” Justin said proudly. “And in one take, baby. I’m the man.”

“Those lyrics aren’t what you showed me earlier but I like it.” Charlie said happily.

“It was what I was feeling, man.” Justin said with a chuckle. “We’re cool now?”

“You’re free to go, brotha. Thank you again.” Charlie said.

“It was my pleasure.” Justin said embracing the man in a hug. “I can’t wait for that album.”

“Me either, man. Me either.”

“I don’t mean to be rude but I have a date with some friends.” Justin said.

“It was an honor meeting you, Charlie.” Amanda said shaking the man’s hand as she stood to leave.

“Nice meeting you, Ms Reyes. You should really reconsider putting your voice on the charts. Honestly.”

“I’ll remember that.” Amanda chuckled as the blond standing next to Justin rolled her eyes.

“She will.” Justin said. “You ready, Cam?”

“Yeah.” Cameron said with a smile. “It was nice seeing you again, Charlie.”

“You too, Ms. Diaz.” he said.

“Let’s go ladies, before Trace has a tantrum.” Justin chuckled, taking his jacket from Cameron’s hands.
-----------

Two hours later
Dolce Restaurant

“You’re going to be a star.” Trace mocked from across the table.

“Nope.” Amanda said after taking a sip of her drink.

“Yes, she is.” Justin insisted.

“No, I’m not.” Amanda said. “Why would I want to record an album?”

“Because you’re good, maybe?” Justin said mockingly.

“You’re good too, that’s why you don’t have a life, Justin. I’m not willing to give up my freedom, just to be famous and to cater to you two nimrods.”

“What’s the difference? You spend as much time in the public eye as Justin does now.”

“That’s different. I’m part of the crew. I’m not the one out there onstage.”

“You could be.” Justin shrugged. “You know you want to. You love being in the studio and you jump at the chance to get onstage all the time, so why not? Johnny already shopped your demo around and Jive is interested. What do you have to loose?”

“How about my mind? And most importantly that person that I live with, can’t forget that.”

“What does Jeremy have to do with anything?” Trace asked. “Just because he ruined his perfect career doesn’t give him the right to keep you from yours.”

“He has a lot to do with it, dear cousin of mine, he’s my boyfriend. And he couldn’t have helped hurting himself, so please back off about that, Trace.” Amanda shook her head. “And I can’t believe you made a demo in the first place let alone give it to Johnny. I can sue for that, ya know.”

“You aren’t even turning red about that, Jojo. You aren’t mad.” Justin said rubbing the arm she’d been poking as she spoke. “There’s nothing you can do about it now.”

“I could call Johnny and ask for it.” Amanda said.

“But you haven’t.” Trace offered. “He’s had that demo for almost a year and you’ve known about it since then.”

“What are you trying to say, dirtball?” Amanda asked with a raised brow.

“He’s just saying that you want this.” Justin said. “And I will make you a super star.”

“Is that so?” Amanda asked as she blew her hair out of her face.

“I promise.” Justin said tucking her hair behind her ear.

“I’ll be your assistant for free, the first year.” Trace said with a chuckle.

“What are you talking about, Trace? You’re already my bitch and Justin’s too.” Amanda said with a laugh.

“Whatever. You’re going to sign that contract.” Trace stated.

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.” Justin said.

“No, I’m not.”

“You’re going to be great, Manda!!”

“I hate you guys with a passion.” Amanda said with a smile on her face.

“You don’t hate us, Jojo.’ Justin said taking a bite of his steak into his mouth.

“Whatever.” Amanda shrugged. “Hey, Trace. Did I forget to tell you Justin recorded the cheesiest song about his girlfriend slash grandma?”

“Twice actually.” Trace said with a laugh.

“Who said the song was about Cameron, anyway?” Justin asked, turning to look at her.

“Oh please, it was so about her.” she snorted.

“How does the song go?” Trace asked curiously.

“It’s not about her or anyone real.” Justin insisted. “And I’m eating so I’m not singing.”

“You’re full of shit.” Amanda said drinking from her glass of water.

“You sing it then, Manda.” Trace encouraged.

“She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.” Justin said wiping his mouth with his napkin.

“Hey girl,” she sang rolling her eyes, showing Justin that she remembered the lyrics, she continued. “I just can’t keep my eyes off of ya, cause when I look into those baby blues, I could feel my heart drop to the ground, and for that I love you. Tell me that’s not your typical cheesy, Justin Timberlake, I love my girlfriend song.”

“Whatever, it’s not about anyone.” Justin argued.

“She does have blue eyes.” Trace said eyeing Justin knowingly. Justin saw and understood the look for what it was, sympathy. “Anyway, what are we doing when we get out of here?”

“We should go swimming.” Amanda announced after a few club ideas were thrown around.

“I thought you wanted to go out.” Trace asked.

“I did.” Amanda said. “Before they showed up.”

“Who?” Justin asked looking around.

“You’re so oblivious to them, it’s scary.” Amanda said hiking her thumb over at the paparazzi outside the window.

“So what?” Trace said flipping the cameras off.

“I’m not oblivious. I knew they were there. I just choose not to acknowledge that fact to them.” Justin shrugged. “Some people are more oblivious than others.”

“Whatever, let’s go break in that new pool of yours. It’ll be fun.” Amanda said to Justin.

“I don’t care.” Justin shrugged again. “It’s actually not sounding so bad right now. I could stand a dip in the Jacuzzi.”

“I’m down. Let’s go.” Trace said as he dropped a hundred dollar bill on the table, while Justin added a fifty-dollar tip.

---------

Justin’s new house (Los Angeles)

“What took you so long?” Justin asked Amanda as she walked into the enclosed pool area. “This was your idea.”

“Well don’t let me stop you guys.” Amanda said sarcastically at the two men, clearly relaxing in the Jacuzzi at the end of the pool. “You were supposed to wait for me.”

“You took too long. Besides you said you wanted to swim. We aren’t swimming.” Trace said taking a swig of his beer bottle.

“You know I read somewhere that you shouldn’t consume alcohol while in a Jacuzzi.” Amanda said, hands on her robe-covered hips.

“You read too much.” Justin said sipping from what she was willing to bet was a rum and coke.

“Don’t scream for me when you’re both drowning, I can’t choose, so you’ll both die.” Amanda laughed, clearly a bit tipsy herself. “Are you two going in the pool with me or not?”

“We are in the pool.” Trace said with a chuckle.

“Whatever smart ass.” Amanda said with a raised finger.

“Don’t get an attitude with me cause you took too long on the phone with fuck-face.”

“I wasn’t on the phone the whole time, dirtball. I had to put on a bathing suit. And speaking of, I hope you two decided on trunks.”

“They are too precious, Jojo. I wouldn’t come in the Jacuzzi without some kind of protection.” Justin chuckled.

“Why not? You should go in there without trunks, so they shrivel up and it’ll match your girls genitals.”

“Not funny.” Justin said trying to hold back the laughter that he knew was soon to come.

“Yeah it is.” Trace said laughing loudly. “My cousin is going to hell.”

“That was bad, Jojo.” Justin said with laughter.

“That was great!!” Trace said with a laugh. “I have to piss, be right back.”

“Bring me back a Corona, T.” Justin said as Trace got out of the Jacuzzi, sliding his trunks off as he did.

“Jesus Christ, Trace!!” Amanda yelled from the other side of the pool, where she sat on the edge, feet in the water.

“What?” Trace asked innocently, covering his front with both his hands.

“Stop messing with your cousin, man.” Justin laughed grabbing his discarded trunks from the water and throwing them at his feet.

“You’re disgusting.” Amanda announced. “And you shouldn’t flatter yourself, you know you don’t need both hands to cover up.”

“If that were true, I wouldn’t be such a pimp, cuz. You’re the one that’s disgusting, checking your cousin out. Shame on you, Manda.” Trace said with a chuckle as he turned, his naked ass toward them to pull his shorts back up.

“We are entirely too close.” Justin announced.

“Eww.” Amanda said.

“Be right back.” Trace said with laughter as he left the pool area, trailing water into the house.

“He’s so drunk. He’s gonna fuck up my carpet too.” Justin said to Amanda, laughter still present in his voice.

“I know.” Amanda laughed as she stood to take her bathrobe off. “You coming in the pool or what?”

“Umm.” All traces of laughter gone from him. The fact that underneath the bathrobe, Amanda wore a perfectly fitting white bikini was no laughing matter. He couldn’t speak, he just sat there, staring.

“You’re drunk too, aren’t you?” Amanda teased as she stood at the edge of the pool.

“What?”

“I said you’re drunk too.” Amanda said with a raised brow.

“No I’m not.”

“Yeah you are.” Amanda laughed. “You’re staring into space over there.”

“I was just thinking.” Justin said standing up from the Jacuzzi.

“About what?” Amanda asked interested.

“How mad you’re going to be in two seconds.” Justin said with an evil smile across his features as he took his last chug of his drink.

“I’m not…” suddenly she couldn’t speak because she was on her way back up, from the bottom of the pool.

“Gotcha!!” Trace yelled doing a cannonball dive into the pool.

“Nice!!” Justin said jumping across the Jacuzzi’s ledge into the pool.

“Oh, you’re going down!!” Amanda said after recovering. Going under the water she swam toward her cousin, who’d made his way across the pool.

“She’s it!!” Justin said before diving under water to play their favorite childhood game.

Main - Next

Homeboy Memoirs ... Track Five Remixes Homeboy (Remix #1)

Do you have one of those incredibly annoying family members, who you can’t stand? You know the ones, the ones that come to every family gathering carrying their video camera. Trying to get everyone and their momma’s on film. So annoying that you don’t have a choice but to excuse yourself from the gathering all together, even if it means facing the wrath of your parents, for being rude.

That was Trace personified that year. Everywhere we went, he had that fucking camera. (pardon my French) It was a very traumatic time in my life, our lives. At least the camera being shoved in my face every five seconds, was. (I believe there is footage of those months somewhere online. So I hear, I haven’t checked it out. And I probably won’t.) I don’t understand his fixation, MTV didn’t want footage of me, they wanted Justin. Then again, Justin likes to mess with their heads, having them beg. (He’s such a moron, yet it works. Didn’t you see the thousands of special they did on him for Justified?)

For the rest of the time when the camera wasn’t shoved in my face, I loved Virginia Beach. It was awesome.

I remember that Justin started working on ‘Like I love you’ the moment we got to that studio. It was so much fun watching him and Pharrell interact, coming up with lyrics at the spur of the moment.

That was the year Jeremy hurt his shoulder for good and was officially done with football. He was really devastated those months prior to that trip to Virginia with Justin. It was our last semester of college and he was done with football as a career because no one in the National Football League wanted a quarterback with a dislocated shoulder. Did you know that you could permanently dislocate your shoulder, as in it will never be the same? I didn’t know that, I thought that he would heal and he would be back to sailing those footballs across the field. Jeremy didn’t think it was possible either, until his doctor cancelled out football from his life.

I comforted him in any way that I could that year. Until eventually he came to terms with the fact that he wouldn’t play football again, professionally. The trip to Virginia helped a lot, with his self-esteem. (If you would ever see Jeremy, you wouldn’t think he had a self-esteem problem at all. The man is talented, smart and drop dead gorgeous.)

Jeremy had the CEO of ESPN personally call him to offer him a job shortly after that. He’d gone to Atlanta, where the football conferences were being held again, to start his interview process. He took several trips there, during the time we were in Virginia and I was proud of him. I really was. Looking back now, makes me realize how naïve I was about him. He never once asked me to come with him. Hmm.

Everything’s changed now, though.

Please tell me you didn’t like Cameron for Justin. Please. Because if you liked the idea of Justin dating his mother, then click out of this page, right now.

You still there? Good.

Jesus, I don’t know what he was thinking. Cameron Diaz? I really wished he just wanted to speak Spanish. Or that, that kiss she planted on him unexpectedly at the Kids Choice Awards, was a booty call of some sort. I would have been fine with that. (I knew my best friend was a horndog.) Apparently that wasn’t it because he stayed with her, the longest. (Eww, she’s so gross.) I’m not just saying that as his current future, but as his best friend. There’s only so much a best friend can support another in, ya know? What was he thinking? I said that already, didn’t I? The old bag doesn’t even have what Justin likes to call a ‘fat ass’. Most guys that go for older chicks is because the woman is hot. (i.e. Ashton and Demi) In my opinion (back then) he should have stayed with Alyssa. Yeah I know. She’s older too, but she was cute. You know you prefer Sam (Who’s the boss?) over Cameron, any day.

Seriously, how do you go from Britney Spears to Ca-nt-walk-cause-I’m-old-Diaz?

Quisas fue mi culpa, pero como diablo yo iba a saber? ( Sorry, I get real bilingual at times. Here’s the translation: So maybe it’s part my fault but how the fuck was I supposed to know?) Anyway….

Have you heard that Charlie Wilson track? It’s pretty hot and yes I know you probably think I’m the most clueless human being on earth. (I was clueless, I guess) I’m digressing, anyway, the song is called ‘Floatin’ and you should go search for it. I’m not saying, go and download it for free cause that’s illegal. (wink-Justin and Charlie have already made enough money on it. so go download it-wink) I should have known that song wasn’t about Cameron because I know my friend, he didn’t love her, he was going through a phase. He didn’t see much of his mother that year, I believe he was channeling Lynn through Cameron. He missed his mommy, big pussy he is.

As you read, those memories are of Justin harassing me about recording an album and becoming the star he thought I was. I’m going to be completely  honest with you because that’s just how I do, ya know. I wanted to record that album, I wanted to sing, I wanted to jump on that stage but I did not, not once, dream of becoming the star Justin wanted me to be.

I already had a ‘star’ in my life that consumed me. (in a good way) So why become one?

Once Justin got Trace started on that idea, there was no stopping the topic. Have I mentioned that Trace can be very annoying? I think I did. I’m glad they both annoyed the hell out me, though. My life took a turn for the (even) better because they didn’t quit.

I just realized, Lynn skipped the whole hoopla of Justified, the Justin Timberlake album. To say that I was proud of him would be an understatement. All those songs that told every emotion he felt, were incredible. Did I take the time to read into songs like, Like I Love You, Senorita, Nothing Else and Take It From Here ? No, I didn’t. Why should I have? He was (is) my best friend. Why would you think your best friend loved you? Like love, love you? Don’t judge me!! I was busy worrying about the hurt ‘Never Again’ was going to cause my friend, Britney.

Oh my god, have you ever been to Justin’s house? Wait, what the hell am I saying? Of course you’ve never been. Sometimes I forget who he is. Anyway, if you ever get a chance to go to Justin Timberlake’s house, for one of my famous pool parties (I love to have them), you should take the invite. I’ve met a few fans who have made their way into these little gathering by the pool I like to have, so don’t think it’s not possible. Someone always knows someone, who knows someone, who knows Trace, Justin and I, in someway or another. It might be a hundred people in association but you might just make it to one of my pool parties at the house. Good Luck!!!

He was speechless? Wow, that must have been something he shared with Lynn (not his momma, the other one) because he’s never mentioned anything about that white bikini. The white bikini that I am very aware, was perfect on me. Don’t hate!! So again, I’m going to share a secret with you. I saw Justin staring, that’s not the secret though. the secret is that I liked it for a brief five seconds before I made my drunk comment. I only have a Smirnoff Ice that night, so I wasn’t tipsy. Lynn was wrong. Seriously though, I’ve seen my best friend, he’s not bad on the eyes at all. If anything he’s a vision of perfection at times. Justin Timberlake, bare-chested, wet, lazy drunken blue orbs staring at you in a Jacuzzi. How would you feel? Would it be the worst thing that happened to you? I’m his best friend, the fact doesn’t make me blind to the fact that he’s drop dead gorgeous.

Besides, Jeremy was going  into a ‘meeting’ and cut me short on the phone that night. I needed some attention.

And Trace, Eww!!!!

------------------------------------

Homegirl (Remix #2)

She was only nine years older than me. Why can’t she get over it? Let it go? It’s over now. Just to prove her wrong, let me just point out that Demi is way older than Ashton. She didn’t have a problem with them being a couple, now did she?

I don’t even know why Cameron was even brought up in the first place. She wasn’t a big part of my life, she was someone to do while I grew some balls and told a certain someone how I felt. Yes, I realize that it was a shitty thing to do but this whole thing we’re doing is about honesty, so take it or leave it. Cameron was hot and available, I wasn’t going to turn it down while I watched the Reyes-Owens spectacle.

Tell me. Didn’t Amanda sound a bit jealous there about Cameron? Didn’t she sound bitter? I wonder.

Don’t go download music off the Internet. It’s bad!! I can’t believe she would suggest such a thing. Wait until she realizes that people are bootlegging her album as well. See how she reacts to that.

Fuck!! I wanted to cut this remix short without having to talk about Jeremy but it’s not happening. (Amanda says I must because without my input, this thing wouldn’t be complete. She was trying to be all sweet and sexy when she said too but I know it’s her way of manipulating me.)

I really was sad to hear that Jeremy wouldn’t be able to play football anymore. I really was. Honestly. For real. Why you laughing? I’m serious. I felt so bad that I made (well I had Trace make a few phone calls. Cost me ten thousand dollars. Favors from Trace in regards to Jeremy, aren’t cheap) a few phone calls. Do you really believe ESPN wanted him as a new sports commentator? A senior in college? Come on now, who else has ESPN connections? Who plays on an ESPN hosted NBA Celebrity team? Yeah. (the things I do for this girl.)

On that note, I’m out. The game is over. We won!! Big surprise there.

Trace and I are going out for some food and beer. (he’s suck an alckie) Amanda says the next track she wants to do on her own, so talk to you later.

Kisses, Justin. (I’m a  pimp, I tell ya. P.I.M.P.)

---------------------------

Homeboy (Remix #3)

I’m pleading the fucking fifth on this one.

Maybe later. Right now I’m hungry and thirsty.

Who drank all the beer, anyway?

Peace.
 

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Homeboy Memoirs ... Track Five Remixes Homeboy (Remix #1)

Do you have one of those incredibly annoying family members, who you can’t stand? You know the ones, the ones that come to every family gathering carrying their video camera. Trying to get everyone and their momma’s on film. So annoying that you don’t have a choice but to excuse yourself from the gathering all together, even if it means facing the wrath of your parents, for being rude.

That was Trace personified that year. Everywhere we went, he had that fucking camera. (pardon my French) It was a very traumatic time in my life, our lives. At least the camera being shoved in my face every five seconds, was. (I believe there is footage of those months somewhere online. So I hear, I haven’t checked it out. And I probably won’t.) I don’t understand his fixation, MTV didn’t want footage of me, they wanted Justin. Then again, Justin likes to mess with their heads, having them beg. (He’s such a moron, yet it works. Didn’t you see the thousands of special they did on him for Justified?)

For the rest of the time when the camera wasn’t shoved in my face, I loved Virginia Beach. It was awesome.

I remember that Justin started working on ‘Like I love you’ the moment we got to that studio. It was so much fun watching him and Pharrell interact, coming up with lyrics at the spur of the moment.

That was the year Jeremy hurt his shoulder for good and was officially done with football. He was really devastated those months prior to that trip to Virginia with Justin. It was our last semester of college and he was done with football as a career because no one in the National Football League wanted a quarterback with a dislocated shoulder. Did you know that you could permanently dislocate your shoulder, as in it will never be the same? I didn’t know that, I thought that he would heal and he would be back to sailing those footballs across the field. Jeremy didn’t think it was possible either, until his doctor cancelled out football from his life.

I comforted him in any way that I could that year. Until eventually he came to terms with the fact that he wouldn’t play football again, professionally. The trip to Virginia helped a lot, with his self-esteem. (If you would ever see Jeremy, you wouldn’t think he had a self-esteem problem at all. The man is talented, smart and drop dead gorgeous.)

Jeremy had the CEO of ESPN personally call him to offer him a job shortly after that. He’d gone to Atlanta, where the football conferences were being held again, to start his interview process. He took several trips there, during the time we were in Virginia and I was proud of him. I really was. Looking back now, makes me realize how naïve I was about him. He never once asked me to come with him. Hmm.

Everything’s changed now, though.

Please tell me you didn’t like Cameron for Justin. Please. Because if you liked the idea of Justin dating his mother, then click out of this page, right now.

You still there? Good.

Jesus, I don’t know what he was thinking. Cameron Diaz? I really wished he just wanted to speak Spanish. Or that, that kiss she planted on him unexpectedly at the Kids Choice Awards, was a booty call of some sort. I would have been fine with that. (I knew my best friend was a horndog.) Apparently that wasn’t it because he stayed with her, the longest. (Eww, she’s so gross.) I’m not just saying that as his current future, but as his best friend. There’s only so much a best friend can support another in, ya know? What was he thinking? I said that already, didn’t I? The old bag doesn’t even have what Justin likes to call a ‘fat ass’. Most guys that go for older chicks is because the woman is hot. (i.e. Ashton and Demi) In my opinion (back then) he should have stayed with Alyssa. Yeah I know. She’s older too, but she was cute. You know you prefer Sam (Who’s the boss?) over Cameron, any day.

Seriously, how do you go from Britney Spears to Ca-nt-walk-cause-I’m-old-Diaz?

Quisas fue mi culpa, pero como diablo yo iba a saber? ( Sorry, I get real bilingual at times. Here’s the translation: So maybe it’s part my fault but how the fuck was I supposed to know?) Anyway….

Have you heard that Charlie Wilson track? It’s pretty hot and yes I know you probably think I’m the most clueless human being on earth. (I was clueless, I guess) I’m digressing, anyway, the song is called ‘Floatin’ and you should go search for it. I’m not saying, go and download it for free cause that’s illegal. (wink-Justin and Charlie have already made enough money on it. so go download it-wink) I should have known that song wasn’t about Cameron because I know my friend, he didn’t love her, he was going through a phase. He didn’t see much of his mother that year, I believe he was channeling Lynn through Cameron. He missed his mommy, big pussy he is.

As you read, those memories are of Justin harassing me about recording an album and becoming the star he thought I was. I’m going to be completely  honest with you because that’s just how I do, ya know. I wanted to record that album, I wanted to sing, I wanted to jump on that stage but I did not, not once, dream of becoming the star Justin wanted me to be.

I already had a ‘star’ in my life that consumed me. (in a good way) So why become one?

Once Justin got Trace started on that idea, there was no stopping the topic. Have I mentioned that Trace can be very annoying? I think I did. I’m glad they both annoyed the hell out me, though. My life took a turn for the (even) better because they didn’t quit.

I just realized, Lynn skipped the whole hoopla of Justified, the Justin Timberlake album. To say that I was proud of him would be an understatement. All those songs that told every emotion he felt, were incredible. Did I take the time to read into songs like, Like I Love You, Senorita, Nothing Else and Take It From Here ? No, I didn’t. Why should I have? He was (is) my best friend. Why would you think your best friend loved you? Like love, love you? Don’t judge me!! I was busy worrying about the hurt ‘Never Again’ was going to cause my friend, Britney.

Oh my god, have you ever been to Justin’s house? Wait, what the hell am I saying? Of course you’ve never been. Sometimes I forget who he is. Anyway, if you ever get a chance to go to Justin Timberlake’s house, for one of my famous pool parties (I love to have them), you should take the invite. I’ve met a few fans who have made their way into these little gathering by the pool I like to have, so don’t think it’s not possible. Someone always knows someone, who knows someone, who knows Trace, Justin and I, in someway or another. It might be a hundred people in association but you might just make it to one of my pool parties at the house. Good Luck!!!

He was speechless? Wow, that must have been something he shared with Lynn (not his momma, the other one) because he’s never mentioned anything about that white bikini. The white bikini that I am very aware, was perfect on me. Don’t hate!! So again, I’m going to share a secret with you. I saw Justin staring, that’s not the secret though. the secret is that I liked it for a brief five seconds before I made my drunk comment. I only have a Smirnoff Ice that night, so I wasn’t tipsy. Lynn was wrong. Seriously though, I’ve seen my best friend, he’s not bad on the eyes at all. If anything he’s a vision of perfection at times. Justin Timberlake, bare-chested, wet, lazy drunken blue orbs staring at you in a Jacuzzi. How would you feel? Would it be the worst thing that happened to you? I’m his best friend, the fact doesn’t make me blind to the fact that he’s drop dead gorgeous.

Besides, Jeremy was going  into a ‘meeting’ and cut me short on the phone that night. I needed some attention.

And Trace, Eww!!!!

------------------------------------

Homegirl (Remix #2)

She was only nine years older than me. Why can’t she get over it? Let it go? It’s over now. Just to prove her wrong, let me just point out that Demi is way older than Ashton. She didn’t have a problem with them being a couple, now did she?

I don’t even know why Cameron was even brought up in the first place. She wasn’t a big part of my life, she was someone to do while I grew some balls and told a certain someone how I felt. Yes, I realize that it was a shitty thing to do but this whole thing we’re doing is about honesty, so take it or leave it. Cameron was hot and available, I wasn’t going to turn it down while I watched the Reyes-Owens spectacle.

Tell me. Didn’t Amanda sound a bit jealous there about Cameron? Didn’t she sound bitter? I wonder.

Don’t go download music off the Internet. It’s bad!! I can’t believe she would suggest such a thing. Wait until she realizes that people are bootlegging her album as well. See how she reacts to that.

Fuck!! I wanted to cut this remix short without having to talk about Jeremy but it’s not happening. (Amanda says I must because without my input, this thing wouldn’t be complete. She was trying to be all sweet and sexy when she said too but I know it’s her way of manipulating me.)

I really was sad to hear that Jeremy wouldn’t be able to play football anymore. I really was. Honestly. For real. Why you laughing? I’m serious. I felt so bad that I made (well I had Trace make a few phone calls. Cost me ten thousand dollars. Favors from Trace in regards to Jeremy, aren’t cheap) a few phone calls. Do you really believe ESPN wanted him as a new sports commentator? A senior in college? Come on now, who else has ESPN connections? Who plays on an ESPN hosted NBA Celebrity team? Yeah. (the things I do for this girl.)

On that note, I’m out. The game is over. We won!! Big surprise there.

Trace and I are going out for some food and beer. (he’s suck an alckie) Amanda says the next track she wants to do on her own, so talk to you later.

Kisses, Justin. (I’m a  pimp, I tell ya. P.I.M.P.)

---------------------------

Homeboy (Remix #3)

I’m pleading the fucking fifth on this one.

Maybe later. Right now I’m hungry and thirsty.

Who drank all the beer, anyway?

Peace.
 

Main - Next

Homeboy Memoirs .... Track Six (City Lights) Track Six (City Lights)

Los Angeles
February 2004

Amanda watched as he carried the box, containing her cds, across the room to the stack of boxes by the door. She couldn’t believe that it was already the night before the move. Taking the scene of their apartment in one last time, she made her way toward the patio. Placing her bottled water on the patio table, she took a seat on the patio chairs that would be left behind. On her Sidekick she ended the text conversation she was having with her best friend, while looking down over the city lights of Los Angeles.

“Who are you talking to?” Jeremy asked , taking a seat opposite of her, a beer in his hand.

“Justin.” she responded, placing the pink device on the table.

“I should have figured that.” Jeremy said before drinking from his cold beer.

“What’s your problem today?” Amanda asked annoyed, taking her water and drinking as well.

“I don’t have a problem, babe.”

“Sure seems like it. You’re really fucking bitchy today.”

“Don’t curse, Amanda. It’s not attractive.”

“You’re the one not being attractive. You’ve been grouchy since this morning.”

“I’m not grouchy.” Jeremy shrugged.

“Yeah you are.”

“No I’m not. If you would have taken a break from talking to Justin all day on that thing.” he said referring to the device on the table. “You’d notice that I’ve been fine.”

“What’s the problem with the Sidekick, now?” Amanda asked. “I always talk to Justin on it, when he’s in the studio.”

“My point exactly.” Jeremy said with a shrug. “I’m really surprised you haven’t invited him into our bedroom, while we have sex. Since it’s all about Justin.”

“That’s really vulgar, Jeremy.” Amanda sneered. “And a really shitty thing to say. You have a problem with Justin now too?”

“I don’t like the fact that he has gotten the idea of recoding an album in your head. That’s for sure. But I don’t have a problem with Justin, no. At least not yet.”

“I told you that I’m not doing the album thing and I meant it. So don’t throw that in my face or the guys’ faces either. And what do you mean by yet? Are you planning on having a problem with Justin anytime soon?

“I can always sense one brewing.”

“Do you sense my blood boiling right now?” she asked with a raised brow.

“A little yes.” Jeremy chuckled.

“Now, you’re laughing. Are you bi-polar? Unbelievable.”

“It’s just funny to watch you getting all worked up over anything negative said about Justin, or even Trace. Yet, I’ve never seen you be like this once, over anyone else.”

“You’re bating.”

“No, just stating a fact. I’m just messing with you, babe.” Jeremy said standing, placing his arms around her shoulder, before placing a kiss on her forehead. “Say what’s up to him for me.”

“He’s in the studio. He’s busy right now.” Amanda said drinking her water. “What’s going on, Jeremy? You’ve been moody for the past month. Are you still not over the Justin thing?”

“Nothing’s up, babe. Everything is fine.” Jeremy said as he took her hand and led her back to his chair.

“What’s up?” Amanda asked taking the customary seat on his lap.

“Nothing.”

“There is something.” Amanda insisted. “Are you nervous about work?”

“Work is fine. I already know everyone I’m gonna be working with. Everything is fine, babe.”

“Are you sure? Cause every chance you get to snap at me or make a smart comment, you take it.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to.”

“Do you not want to transfer to Atlanta?”

“Of course I do. I wanted to move.”

“So then why are you so grouchy?”

“I just have a lot of work, babe. I’ve been going back and forth to Atlanta for almost a year. I’m just a bit drained but everything should be cool now that we’ll be in Atlanta and I don’t have to travel so much.” Jeremy explained.

“I’ll take that for now but I’m not promising I’ll stop asking.” Amanda said placing a kiss on his stubbly cheek.

“Are you going to be okay in Atlanta?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Justin and Trace won’t be around.” Jeremy stated.

“You and I have always lived a distance from them. It’s not that much difference, now that we’ll be in Atlanta.”

“We’ve always been in the same state, babe.” Jeremy said. “We’re moving all the way across the United States.”

“I know where Atlanta is, Owens.” Amanda chuckled. “but Justin and Trace will be back in Orlando in a week, they plan on staying for a while. I thought they told you that.”

“I don’t speak to Trace much, and I haven’t spoken to Justin since I found out about, you know.” Jeremy said with a grunt. “So they’ll be in Florida?”

“I guess, Justin said he needed a change of scenery for a while. You know how he is.”

“Florida is very close to Atlanta.” Jeremy stated.

“I’m glad you know your geography, babe. They should be around a lot more than if they stayed here.”

“Great.’ Jeremy said.

“Isn’t it?” Amanda asked. “Do you want to go out to eat or do you want to order in?”

“We can go out. Go put some shoes on, we can go get pizza and maybe catch a movie.”

“Are you asking me on a date, Mr. Owens?” Amanda asked playfully.

“I sure am.” Jeremy said with a kiss to her lips.

“Well then of course, I accept.” she said getting up from his lap. “Five minutes.”

“Okay.” Jeremy said as he watched her jean covered behind walk into their apartment. “Some shit never changes.”

----------------

June 2004
Atlanta, Georgia
ESPN Offices

Amanda rolled her eyes at the receptionist one last time before heading in the direction that she was given. Having to sit in the lobby for half an hour, while the receptionist chatted away on her phone, wasn’t what she had in mind. Her plans were to surprise her boyfriend with her early arrival back home.

It was Monday afternoon and she’d come straight from the airport. Having spent the week in Shelby Forest, visiting her family, she hadn’t had much sleep. But she wanted to see him before going home and passing out. To her annoyance the receptionist had informed her that she was on her lunch break and that Mr. Owens was out to lunch as well. She’d sat there waiting for a while before asking the rude receptionist which office belonged to her boyfriend.

She was ashamed that it had been months since Jeremy had been working there and it was the first time she’d come to his office. As she entered the office, she was immediately impressed. It was a very nice looking office, with windows lining two quarters of the room. Taking a seat on his enormous leather chair, she looked around his spacious desk. A picture of his mother caught her eye first, making her cringe. There were three pictures of her on the desk, making her roll her eyes although a smile on her face. One of the pictures on the far end of the table was of the four of them. It was a picture taken by Britney on the night of her twenty-first birthday, she couldn’t help the grin that took over her lips. Scrunching her nose at the other events that followed that year, she stood from the chair. Walking over to the far wall, she began scanning the pictures there.

Her eyes landed on a picture, the center of one of the shelves, and her jaw hit the floor.

“What the fuck!!” she said as the door to the office opened and two people walked in, laughter rang from both of them. Neither one noticed her standing there, staring in awe.

The woman across the room from her, noticed her first. Noticing the woman’s stance and seriousness, Jeremy turned and saw his girlfriend.

“Hey, you’re back.” Jeremy said, shock evident as he walked over to Amanda, embracing her in a hug, she didn’t return. “I wasn’t expecting you until alter tonight, babe.”

“Clearly.” Amanda said shrugging off his embrace. “Let me guess. You were going to tell me about her tonight, right?”

“It’s really good to see you, Amanda. It’s been a really long time.” the woman said with a smile, that twelve years later, still looked the same.

“Wish I could say the same.” Amanda shrugged turning to face away from the woman to face Jeremy. “Refresh my memory here, Owens. When did you mention you worked with cheer-whore? I can’t recall.”

“That’s a bit uncalled for, Amanda. Don’t you think?” Jeremy asked.

“I’m going back to my office. I’ll see you later, J.” the woman said opening the office door.

“You do that.” Amanda snapped as she watched the woman walk out. “J? She calls you, J?”

“You’re over reacting, Amanda.” Jeremy said taking a seat.

“I’m not over anything. I just find it a bit odd that you haven’t mentioned that you worked with Jessica.”

“You’re being really mature right now.”

“You’re full of shit.”

“Amanda, listen to yourself. You’re acting like a jealous wife right now.”

“Jealous? More like bullshitted. No one can give you what I give you, Jeremy. You and I both know that, so there’s nothing to be jealous about.” Amanda spat. “Should I be jealous?”

“Are you really asking me that question right now? The person who hasn’t been home for a week because she’s on vacation with her male friend. Are you questioning me?”

“You know another thing that’s funny is how every time we have a discussion about anything, you always bring up Justin. Get over the whole ‘Justin Timberlake got me a job’ kick, Jeremy. Plus, I’m not the one lying here.”

“That’s your problem right there, Amanda. You’re so goddamn blind.” Jeremy sneered.

“Oh well excuse me, I’m the one that didn’t tell myself that you worked with one of the women I most disliked in the world.”

“She doesn’t like you very much either, still.”

“Oh so you’ve found the time to have a conversation about me?”

“You’re making a big deal about nothing.”

“How long have you worked with her?”

“Why?”

“Because I want to know.”

“It doesn’t matter, Amanda. Let it go, okay?” Jeremy said walking over to her on the other side of his desk. “I’m sorry I didn’t mention it before. I didn’t find the fact relevant.”

“How long?”

“A few months. She transferred here from the office in Tennessee.” Jeremy said pulling her by the waist toward him as he leaned on his desk.

“A few months? Does that include the months you interned here while we were in Virginia?”

“Yes.” Jeremy said trying to distract her by kissing her neck. “I’ve missed you.”

“You’ve been working with her all this time and you didn’t once mention it.”

“Amanda please, you know when we’re at home we don’t talk about work. When would I have mentioned it? We’re always with Justin and Trace, or hanging out with them.” he said continuing his trail of kisses on her neck. “It’s not a big deal.”

“That woman has been after you since we were twelve, Jeremy. You don’t find it a coincidence that she now works for ESPN?”

“A lot of people we know from back home, work here, babe. Why are you still hung up on that? It was over ten years ago.” Jeremy said as his hands stopped on her behind with a squeeze. “I don’t want anything that she’s offering. I have you, I always have.”

“So she’s offering?”

“You’re twisting my words, babe.” Jeremy said kissing her pouty lips. “There’s nothing to worry yourself about, okay?”

“No, I’m not okay.”

“It’s nice to know you care once in a while.” he said hugging her.

“I always care, Jeremy.” Amanda said, this time hugging him back. “Can you go home? Or do you have a lot of work?”

“I have a lot of work.” Jeremy said kissing her lips. “But my girl is home, so it can wait.”

“Good.” Amanda said as she walked over to the shelves, took the picture of Jeremy, Jessica and Dan Marino and threw it in the wastebasket.

“That’s Dan Marino, Amanda.”

“I haven’t had sex in eight days, Jeremy.” she stated with a raised brow.

“Good point.’ Jeremy said. “Let’s go home.”

------------

November 2004
Shelby Forest

Four friends sat quietly watching a big yellow moving truck, across the street. Three of them were thinking they were having a bad case of dejavu. The other was absentmindely-making patterns on the girls’ jean clad thigh.

“That’s so weird.’ She said to the others.

“Go talk to him, Manda.” Trace chuckled.

“You go talk to him, dirtball.” She retorted with a smile as they recounted that day, seventeen years earlier. “Why do I have to go? It’s a boy. You’re supposed to talk to him first.”

“You lost, Amanda. You gotta do it.” Justin said with a chuckle as he to remembered the day, long ago.

“What are you guys talking about?” Jeremy inquired.

“Don’t you remember being across the street?” Trace asked him.

“Yeah. I never actually heard you guys talk about that though.” Jeremy said. “You had to talk to me on a bet?”

“It was rock, paper, scissor actually.” Amanda laughed.

“I never knew that.” Jeremy shrugged. “Aren’t you glad you did, though?”

“Nope.” Trace said to receive a smack on the top of his head, as he sat on the stop step of the porch at her reach from Jeremy’s lap.

“That seems so long, yet like yesterday as I look across the street at that truck.” Justin said reminiscing. “Everything was so normal then.”

“I still can’t get over the fact that my parents sold that house to move back to New York. I’ll never go into that house again.” Jeremy said as he watched the movers across the street.

“I still don’t understand why your parents didn’t leave the house to you. I mean they could take vacations here, they didn’t have to sell it. They’re gonna miss that house when New York becomes overbearing.” Amanda said.

“Did you ever find the sex tapes of Mr. Meyer and Mrs. Meyer’s niece, in that house?” Trace asked Jeremy as he sipped his beer.

“I think that was just a rumor.” Jeremy chuckled.

“Remember that hole we put in your attic, Owens? Lifting up the floor boards, looking for those tapes.” Justin laughed.

“You guys were ten, perverts!!” Amanda said with a laugh.

“My parents were so angry.” Jeremy remembered. “I couldn’t come outside with you guys for two days.”

“Classic, good times.” Trace said.

“Speaking of classic moments. Remember when Mr. Richards fell into the pool, during the pep rally? Oh my god, that was hysterical.”

“Ohh shit, I forgot about that. That was funny. Although Jeremy getting humped by the pig, at the carnival, was funnier.” Trace laughed even harder.

“That was crazy, the fucking thing just kept following me around all day.” Jeremy said while the rest of his friends laughed hysterically.

“I wasn’t here then.” Justin said.

“We told you about it, though.” Amanda said.

“Yeah.” Justin said sadly.

“You were doing better things, J.” Trace said comforting.

“I wish I would have been there though.” Justin said.

“It wasn’t that funny, man.” Jeremy offered.

“Yeah it was.” Amanda chuckled causing everyone to laugh with her. “Sorry, babe.”

“We better go get ready.” Jeremy said after a few more funny memories were shared.

“Six o’clock, right?” Amanda asked Trace.

“Yeah.”

“Did you get what I asked you to get?” Justin asked Amanda as she stood from Jeremy’s lap and walked down the steps.

“Yeah, it should be ready.” Amanda said.

“You still not telling me what you got me?” Trace asked his best friend.

“What all three of us got you.” Amanda corrected.

“Whatever.” Trace said. “You guys are cornballs.”

“And you’re a twenty five year old baby.” Jeremy said. “You’ll get the stuff later, after dinner.”

“This shit better be good.” Trace warned.

“You’ll like it.” Justin added.

“Yup.” Amanda said. “We better go already.”

“I don’t see why you guys are staying across town in a hotel when you could have stayed home.” Justin said as the couple stood in front of the house.

“I don’t have a home anymore, remember?” Jeremy said hiking his thumb over to the yellow truck across the street.

“Tio Juan wasn’t feeling the bed sharing thing, homeboy.” Amanda giggled.

“God forbid, you sleep in separate beds for a night or two.” Justin said sarcastically.

“I wouldn’t want to loose her in someone else’s bed.” Jeremy said with a smile toward Justin.

“Oh please.” Amanda chuckled.

“Eww.” Trace said.

“You’re lucky it’s your birthday, cousin of mine.” Amanda laughed. “See you guys at six.”

“Bye.” Justin waved with the hand that held his beer.

“Don’t be late.” Trace said as the couple walked toward one of Justin’s Escalades, that they were using for the weekend.

“Just one day. That’s all I ask for.” Justin said after the couple drove away. “One day where my heart isn’t ripped to shreds, at the mere sight of them.”

“You know he’s not going to back off her, right? You have to tell her, J.” Trace said after a while.

“Right, T. How do you think the start of that conversation should go? Hey Amanda, guess what? I love you. And I’ve loved you, your entire life.” Justin laughed bitterly. “And then when she stops laughing at me, to my face, I can tell her it’s not a joke.”

“I think you’re underestimating how she feels about you, Justin.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah.”

“And how do you know that, T?”

“I just do.” Trace said. “When have I ever steered you wrong?”

“You can’t stand, Jeremy so you’re being biased. Besides this is completely different.” Justin said. “Jeremy is a friend of mine too and I can’t do that to him.”

“Oh but he can make comments like he just did? Fuck that, J.” Trace shrugged. “You need to stop crying like a bitch. You’re either going to tell her how you feel or not.”

“Whatever.”

“Now, it’s my birthday today, so let’s stop being a couple of bitches, sitting on the porch talking about love.”

“You’re the bitch, clown.” Justin chuckled.

“You’re losing your pimp appeal, dude.” Trace said walking toward his house next door.

“Your cousin is to blame, birthday queen.” Justin laughed as he walked into his house.

Main - Next

Homeboy Memoirs ... Track Six Remixes City Lights (Remix)

This is the part where you can agree with me, that I was an idiot. Go ahead, say it. Amanda Reyes is an idiot. Believe me I have heard myself saying that once or twice. You’re thinking for someone with a college degree, that I must have slept through my classes, huh? So dumb. A state of denial is probably the best way to describe my life. Wouldn’t you agree? (You can agree this time.)

The bitterness toward Justin from Jeremy came from him finding out that Justin had worked his charm on ESPN to hire him. Rightfully so, but Justin had the best intentions. Justin didn’t know that ESPN would cause a big break in all our lives. (Not such a good break, at first.) And honestly if Jeremy was so embarrassed about he fact that his best friend had gotten him a job, then why didn’t he quit? Of the top of my head I can give you one reason. Take a wild guess what that was. (Here’s a clue: whore.)

Yes, I admit that I was a sucker for Jeremy that day at his office. I really did miss him that week that Trace, Justin and I spent in Tennessee. You have to understand that Jeremy was all I knew as love. (I thought) I believed him when he told me that I should not worry about anything. I really did. Nevertheless, he lied.

I guess you can say that was a mistake on my part. (Yeah go ahead, call me an idiot again.)

The fact that Justin could talk to my cousin about his feelings, while I was in denial, comforts me. The pain and hurt that he had to be experiencing basically every day, is something I regret. Yes, I should have paid closer attention to him, his touches (the ones he gave on the low.), his words, his looks but it was Justin. My best friend.

The bitches calling each other bitches is hilarious, isn’t it? And yes I take full responsibility for taking Justin’s ‘pimp appeal’. He still thinks and acts like a pimp, when I’m not around, (I have snitches everywhere. Kidding!!) and when he’s around you, his fans. But let me tell you a little secret. Justin Timberlake is a bitch. At least as far as I come in.

Oh by the way, Jeremy’s mom is under the impression that I ruined her son’s life. She’s a bitch, always has been. So I choose not to deal with her. And his dad, well his dad has always been an asshole.

I’m going to cut this really short because the next track should be interesting and a bit stressful if I do say so myself. I should take a break.

The boys should be back shortly. I need to go do a five-minute interview over the phone before they get here. Justin and Trace have this annoying habit of cutting into my interviews, making the fans think they are hilarious and cute. It’s really annoying and disturbing to me. Sometimes I don’t see what you see in them. They make a five-minute interview into hours. I hate interviews but Johnny says they are necessary. What I say to these interviewers, (we like to call them vultures) is ‘listen to my album’. You’ll find everything you need to know about me. Ohh and the first question out of their mouths, is something along the lines of, How is Justin doing? My answer? Who that? I thought this interview was about me. And then they ask ‘So why does Justin Timberlake call you Jojo? My answer to that is, I don’t know, he’s been calling me that since we were eight. In all honesty I know why. (you will too, eventually. Maybe. We’ll see what Lynn does.) Don’t get the wrong idea, I rather talk about Justin than myself any day but I like messing with people’s heads. Justin taught me well, it’s pretty funny actually.

Talk to you later. (See what he has me doing?)

Main - Next

Homeboy Memoirs .... Track Seven (Leave, Get Out) Track Seven (Leave, Get Out)

Atlanta
March 2005
4:36pm

Amanda paced the floor of her apartment, telephone attached to her ear. Her temper rising as she listened carefully to the words being spoken to her on the other end of the line. Her heart ached and her head was spinning. Her ears were on fire, not only because of the words that were being spoken but because the anger that she felt was beyond anything she’d ever felt.

As she listened closely to every detail the person on the other end spoke, she fisted the sofa’s throw pillow in her right hand. She felt as if she was in the twighlight zone and couldn’t escape. She couldn’t believe that it was happening to her. The one thing she swore she would never cause on anyone, was happening to her. Her heart was broken. Complete and absolute heartbreak.

“And it took you this long to confess to this?” Amanda questioned, calmly.

“My intentions weren’t to hurt you, Amanda. You have to believe that.” The person on the other end said, clearly sobbing.

“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” Amanda hissed. “You always were the type, but you know what? I can’t blame you. I’m honestly congratulating you. You’ve gotten what you’ve wanted all along.”

“I never set out for this to happen. But it did, and I can’t do anything about it now. All I can do is tell you what’s going on, what’s been going on for a very long time,” The person said. “You need to let the past go, Amanda. We were kids back then.”

“Yet, here we are in the same situation. Only multiply it by a thousand and we get what we have now.” Amanda’s voice raised, and she regretted that she’d let the person hear her anger.

“You know I thought you would understand. That you would be a little more considerate, considering the consequences.”

“Considerate? You’re fucking kidding me right now. We’ve been on the phone for two hours talking about how you’re sleeping with my boyfriend. My boyfriend of thirteen years. And you’re telling me I should be more considerate? Did you get an education? Do you understand that you shouldn’t sleep with thy neighbors husband?”

“He’s not your husband.” The woman retorted.

“DON’T YOU FUCKING TELL ME WHAT HE IS AND ISN’T!! I know what he is. You have no right!! You’ve never had the right!! Not when you were twelve and you pushed yourself on him. Not now, at twenty-four when you’re fucking pregnant by my man!!”

“Your man apparently isn’t satisfied, Amanda.” Jessica said, the sobbing vanished, and venom back to its originality.

“Well he wouldn’t, would he? I don’t bring the entire ESPN staff to bed with me every night.” Amanda chuckled bitterly. “How does it feel to get my sloppy seconds, Jessica? Now wait, you’ve always tasted that, haven’t you?”

“Grow up, Amanda!! Jeremy has been wasting his time and life with you. All you’ve done all your life is follow Justin Timberlake around like a fucking puppy.”

“SHUT UP, BITCH!!!! You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.” If Amanda was anywhere near the woman, she’d kill her for bringing her best friend into the conversation.

“I’m not shutting up. It’s the fucking truth!! You’ve been stringing Jeremy around for years, all to safe face in front of Justin.”

“WHAT?” Amanda was on the brink of committing homicide. Pregnant or not, she was going to kill the woman with her bare hands. “You don’t know shit about Justin, so keep his name out of your dirty mouth!!”

“Jesus, even now you’re preferring Justin over Jeremy. That is why he came to me. That is why I’m carrying his child. That is why he should be with me.”

“You’re seriously out of your god damn mind. What the fuck are you saying right now? Is Jeremy there with you? Is he telling you all this babble shit?” Amanda laughed genuinely. It was hysterical, the words out of the woman’s mouth were what she’d like to call classic comedy.

“Jeremy isn’t speaking to me, right now. He’ll come around though. He’s going to be a father whether he likes it or not.”

“Oh, so this is our own little secret? Let me guess. He doesn’t want anything to do with you? Poor fucking baby, no pun intended. Tell me, how does it feel to have a bastard child on the way? Pretty fucking fantastic I hope.”

“FUCK YOU, AMANDA!!”

“No, fuck you, JESSICA!! Fuck you and your schemes. Fuck you and Jeremy. Fuck you and your bastard fucking kid.” Amanda yelled. “YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS, BITCH. I PROMISE!!” she said lastly before launching the cordless phone across the room, where is crashed against the large picture of herself and Jeremy on the wall, causing it to crash to the floor. The sound of glass shattering around her, didn’t make her flinch, instead her anger rose to a higher extent.

Her cell phone rang, once again throughout the spacious loft apartment. As the melody of  Mario’s Let Me Love You played over and over again, she sat at the kitchen’s table, ignoring the device. At the moment she didn’t care that her best friend was calling her. All she could do was sit there, her face hard as stone, her veins clearly bulging from her head. She didn’t want to speak to anyone on the phone. She wanted to sit there and wait for her boyfriend, the one laying on a bed naked. The one asleep on the photographs in front of her. The one laying on a bed that wasn’t hers. The man that she’d loved for fifteen years of his life, the man that she’d hate for the rest of hers.

Her cell phone finally stopped ringing an hour later. She knew the voicemail box was probably filled to capacity. Her anger was so irate that she didn’t care that both her house phone and her cell phone had been ringing continuously. The last of her worries was if her best friend was worried that she didn’t answer the phones. She thanked God, both her best friends were in New York that weekend because neither one had seen her that angry. She herself had never experienced such anger, such betrayal, and such hurt. She couldn’t cry though, which surprised her even more than her overwhelming feeling of anger. She couldn’t cry and she doubted she would. She almost wished she could cry, so that she’d let some of the anger out.

But she just couldn’t bring herself to cry, crying was a sign of weakness. A sign of weakness that she thought she’d possessed for Jeremy.

At a quarter past six, the door handle to the door jiggled, signaling the arrival of her boyfriend. Her soon to be ex. Her enemy.

She flipped the photos, express mailed from Jessica, over on the table. She sat there, watching as he entered the loft, carefree as one can be. No sign of betrayal to his demeanor. Her Jeremy, her love.

“Hey, babe. I thought you were hanging out with Ms. Pizarro today.” Jeremy said cheerfully, throwing his suit jacket on the sofa’s backrest and loosening his tie.

“Change of plans.” Amanda said coolly.

“What happened? I know you were looking forward to hanging out with her.” he said walking toward her, leaning down to kiss her lips, only to receive a cheek as she turned her face. Eyeing the turned photos on the table, he asked, “What’s the matter?”

“I’ve been waiting all day for you.” Amanda said getting up, tempted to brush the trace of his lips off her cheek as she walked to the living room area of the loft. “So why don’t you come and sit and talk to me?”

“What’s going on, babe?”

“Tell me how we’re gonna be together forever.”

“What’s going on, babe? You’re acting weird? Is everything alright with Trace and Justin? Is your mom alright? I know you said she hasn’t been feeling well.” Jeremy said sitting on the couch across from where she stood.

“You know that at night when you’re working late, I hold on to your pillow tight and think about how you promise me forever.” Amanda said softly as she paced the living room.

“It’s a promise I intend to keep, babe.” Jeremy said getting up from the couch and approaching her. Her arm extended out, touching his chest, keeping him a distance from her. “What’s wrong? Why are you acting like you just saw a ghost or something?”

“You know I never thought that anyone could make me feel this way. Now that you’re here, though, all I want is just a chance, and opportunity to say something.”

“You’re really scaring me here, Amanda.” Jeremy said confused.

“Why are you looking so confused? I’m the one that didn’t know the truth.”

“What are you talking about?”

“How could you be so cold? Going behind my back.” she cringed at the thought, “Maybe I’m the one to blame, for thinking that you could be it for me.”

“Are you breaking up with me?” Jeremy asked with furrowed brows. “What the hell?”

“Get out.” Amanda hissed softly.

“What?” Jeremy asked in shock. “What is wrong with you? What are you doing right now?”

“Get out!! Leave!! Right now. It’s the end of you and me. It’s over!!”

“How can you say that?” Jeremy asked frustrated, hurt in his eyes as he realized what had happened. Walking over to the kitchen, he flipped over the photos. “FUCK!!! She didn’t do this.”

“No,  she didn’t. You did.” Amanda said from across the room.

“You’re leaving me? Over pictures? You’re not going to let me explain anything?”

“I think I’ve heard enough, Jeremy. I think congratulations are in order, you’re going to be a daddy, huh?”

“She’s lying Amanda. You have to believe me.”

“I don’t have to believe a word that comes out of your mouth, Jeremy.” Amanda spat angrily. “My heart is breaking, with every word I’m saying. Believe that. To think that I gave up everything I had, for something that just wouldn’t last in the long run.”

“Your heart is breaking?” Jeremy questioned, anger rising from him as well. “You’re not even crying, Amanda.”

“I refuse to cry. No tears will fall from my eyes. Not for you, not anymore.”

“Not anymore?” Jeremy asked angrily. “You’ve never shed a tear for me. NOT ONCE!!”

“That’s a fucking lie, you asshole!!”

“You’re right I am an asshole. I did fuck Jessica. What do you want me to say? That I don’t love you? I can’t do that because I loved you since forever, I still do, yet I can’t even get a few tears as you kick me to the fucking curb. I think I deserve at least that. But you’ve never truly loved me, Amanda. It’s all been a fucking joke. All our lives. My mother was right.”

“FUCK YOU, JEREMY!!!”

“No, tell me, Amanda!! Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me that you’ve shed a measly fucking tear for me, when I’ve shed plenty for you. TELL ME!!”

“Don’t you dare try to justify yourself, Owens. You’re a piece of shit and if I ever shed a tear for you, I was truly out of my fucking skull. I hope you rot in hell for this.”

“You’re right, maybe I will rot in hell, Amanda. But at least I know my feelings for you are genuine. You’re really quick to drop me like a bad fucking habit, that just proves to me how much you don’t love me.”

“You don’t know half of what love is, Jeremy. I was really blind to that fact, but now I see. I see you for the piece of fucking scum you are. I hate the day I met you. I hate the loyalty I had toward my two best friends, because of it, I had to cross that damn street. These past seventeen years have been a complete waste of my time and my friends time.”

“Your friends? You’re fucking leaving me and you’re talking about your friends? Are you talking about Justin? Justin Timberlake, the very fucking existence of Amanda Reyes? Is that who you’re fucking talking about?”

“Don’t talk about Justin like he’s just part of my fucking life. He’s going to hate you for what you did to me. You’ll end up with no job, no friends, no fucking life before it’s over with. Do you hear me? Do you understand that you’re fucking done? DO YOU?!!!”

“Don’t fucking threatened me, Amanda!! I’ve never needed Justin Timberlake. And the only reason he has been in my fucking life this long is because you’ve been a part of it. He’s not my best friend. He’s merely a fucking shadow I’ve had over my shoulder since I was eight fucking years old. Yeah, that’s right. Don’t look at me as if you’re shocked, Justin Timberlake means nothing to me, not when you’re leaving me for him. Not when you’ve shed multiple tears for him all these years, yet I’ve never once seen you do it for anyone else. NOT EVER!!!”

“WHAT?? You’re not only a fucking cheat but fucking crazy as well? I can’t fucking believe my ears right now.” Amanda grunted. “Get your shit and get out, Jeremy.”

“Just like that?” Jeremy asked. “I don’t get the chance to say anything?”

“You’ve had seventeen years of my life. You’re no longer worthy of my time.”

“Well that’s really sad, Amanda. I’m sorry you feel our relationship ends here. It truly saddens me.” Jeremy said as a solitary tear made it’s way down his cheek.

“Don’t you dare.” Amanda warned. “Don’t you dare cry for me.”

“Amanda, I’ve been crying for you, for years. You’ve never noticed because he’s always there. You don’t see anyone but him.” Jeremy said as he stood in the kitchen. “I admit I cheated on you, once, Amanda. ONCE. You’ve been cheating me since the day we met.”

“GET OUT!!” Amanda yelled. “DON’T EVER, SHOW YOUR FACE AROUND ME AGAIN!!” she yelled as she opened the door to the apartment, waiting for him to leave.

“If that’s what you really want, Amanda. I’ll leave, but just remember,” Jeremy said as he grabbed his jacket from the sofa, walking toward the door where she stood, tears clearly running down his cheeks. Leaning down to her ear, “I’ve loved you since the day you crossed that street,” then he kissed her cheek softly, her eyes shutting, as if in pain, “take care of yourself.” he whispered before walking out of the door. Out of their apartment, out of her life.
--------

New York City
3am

She walked down the hotel’s hall, her eyes heavy with sleep. The flight had seemed to take ages and she couldn’t wait to lay in bed and close her eyes. She was in a state of shock, couldn’t cope with the fact that she was in the situation she was in.
Waving a silence goodbye to the guard walking with her, outside the door, she entered the room he’d opened with his key card.

Walking into the darkened room, she adjusted her vision in order to see one of her friends, laying face down on the large king-sized bed, asleep. Knowing that an adjacent door was somewhere in the room, connecting to the room next door, she followed the wall with her eyes. Walking carefully over one of the duffel bag, she was sure was full of new clothing and tennis shoes, she found the door. Knocking on the door three times, she waited for any sign of life from the other side. Hearing the sheets on the other side ruffle, she made her way to the king-sized bed. Taking her own tennis shoes off, she climbed onto the bed carefully. The weight of her body shifted the bed, its occupant lifted the comforter off the bed, so that she could climb in, his eyes still closed. As she got comfortable in the middle of the bed, his arm automatically wrapped around her mid section, as the adjacent door opened.

The new occupant entered the room, tripping over the mentioned duffle bag and mumbling something incoherent, making her smile for the first time in hours. The occupant climbed into bed, eyes closed, arm draped over her mid section as well. Neither said a word, falling into deep sleep. Each knowing that when they woke up, something would be wrong but until then, they were going to sleep. All three of them on a king-sized bed, the two males’ arm draped over her tiny mid section, as they slept.

----------
12 noon

“No one has a camera?”

“No!!” she whispered as they all looked over the two men, asleep on the bed. The taller of the two becoming a makeshift pillow for the other.

“Don’t wake them up, I’m going to get the camera in my room.” he said, starting to walk toward the hotel room door.

“Chris!! Don’t.” Amanda said stopping him, a giggle she couldn’t resist around the man, escaping her mouth. “They will kill you.”

“You’re ruining all the fun, Amanda.” Jc whispered from next to her with a grunt as they walked over to Trace’s hotel room.

“This is my fault, I shouldn’t have let you guys in.” Amanda whispered before returning to the newspaper, she’d been reading when the two had knocked on the door.

“What are you doing here anyway? I thought this was a guy’s weekend?” Chris questioned.

“I AM one of the guys, short man.” Amanda said continuing her scanning of the paper, knees up to her chest.

“Not really, no.” Jc said eyeing her bare thighs, to the over-sized basketball shorts she’d found to wear out of one of Justin’s duffle bags.

“Stop checking me out, C. It’s like my brother doing it.” Amanda cringed, her eyes never leaving her paper.

“You don’t have a brother.” Chris stated.

“Thanks for reminding me, Chris.” Amanda said with a raised middle finger. “What are the plans for today, boys?”

“We’re supposed to meet these two lovebirds at two, but Lonnie told us you were here so we came over early. Do you want to ditch them? Let’s go out without them.”  Chris said with wide eyes, excitedly.

“You need to stop messing with those two, they are gonna gang up on you again and I won’t guarantee I’ll be there to save your ass like last night.” Jc said with a laugh, grabbing the entertainment section of the paper Amanda had, and sitting next to her on the couch.

“What did you do?” Amanda asked Chris curiously.

“Nothing.” Chris said innocently.

“What did you do?” Amanda asked, dropping her paper and focusing her attention on Chris, who sat across her and Jc, on the recliner.

“It was nothing.” he repeated.

“Trace was kicking his ass, then Justin was going to kick his ass because he wanted to kick Trace’s ass back. It was all too confusing. All I know is that Chris was underneath both of them, gasping for air. I had to step in.” Jc explained with a shrug.

“Is that what you guys do? That’s what the whole guys weekend is about?” Amanda asked. “Morons.”

“Who you calling a moron?” came a mumble from the adjacent door. Justin stood there, bare-chested, a pair of basketball shorts matching the ones Amanda wore, hanging low on his firm waist.

“Good morning, sunshine!!” Chris said loudly and cheerfully. “Or afternoon. Either way, you’re my sunshine.”

“Buzz off, Chris.” Justin said squeezing himself on the couch, next to Amanda, removing Jc with his long legs, to lay his head on her shoulder.

“Did you brush your teeth? Don’t be coming over here, all stank and stuff.” Amanda said giving him a shove.

“What are you two doing here?” Justin questioned his two friends, ignoring the fact that Amanda was trying to pretend like she was supposed to be there. “We’re supposed to meet at two, aren’t we?”

“What? We can’t come early? Besides, Lonnie said there was a hot girl in the room, we had to come check it out.” Chris said with a shrug. “Too bad he was messing with us, it was only Amanda.”

“Who let you in here?” Trace asked coming out of the other room. “What are you all doing in my room?”

“Well being that you were sucking face with Justin, next door. We just came in here to give you some privacy.” Chris joked.

“Where’s the camera?” Trace asked with wide eyes. “I’ll kick your ass again, Chris. Don’t play with me.” he warned.

“Ohh shut up.” Chris retorted. “I ain’t skurred.”

“Guys, chill out.” Amanda intervened from behind the sports section of the paper, she and Justin had been looking at while the other two babbled.

“Does anyone want to go down to eat? I’m starving.” Jc asked putting his paper down on the coffee table, in the makeshift living space of the room.

“We’ll meet you down there.” Justin said, “Chris, go with Jc.”

“Alright, alright. I get the hint.” Chris said, “When you guy’s need advice, see if I’ll stick around.”

“I don’t ever need your advice, old man.” Trace joked.

“We’re heading down before Chris gets his ass whooped again.” Jc said smacking Chris upside the head.

“Bye, boys!!” Amanda said with a wave, a barely there smile on her lips.

“Bye, girls!!” Chris said with a cheerful voice as he followed Jc out of the room.

“He’s so gay!” Trace commented as he sat on the recliner, Chris had been occupying.

“Well, you two were kind of cozy, in there. He was going to take a picture but I didn’t let him. You guys owe me.” Amanda joked, only the smile she directed toward her two best friends, didn’t reach her eyes. “What are the plans today?”

“What are you doing in New York, Manda?” Trace asked, ignoring her question.

“Just hanging out,” Amanda shrugged. “What are we doing today, boys?”

“Jo?”

“Justin.” Amanda said in bored tone.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were hanging out with Ms. Pizarro this weekend.” Justin said.

“She couldn’t make it,” Amanda said. “So I came over here.”

“At the crack of dawn?” Trace asked with a raised brow.

“What’s the big deal, guys. It’s not the first time I crash your party.” Amanda said annoyed. “Do you guys want me to leave?”

“We didn’t say that, Manda,” Trace said. “Where’s Jeremy?”

“He’s in Atlanta. Why?” Amanda said casually.

“Why are you flying to New York in the middle of the night, Jojo?” Justin inquired.

“What’s with the questions?” Amanda snapped, standing from the couch. “I’ll just leave, if this is what I came for.”

“Sit the hell down, Manda!” Trace snapped back. “You’re here because something happened. Don’t say it’s nothing because well, we’ll know it’s a lie. You came to us last night and now you’re acting as if everything is alright. I’m going to ask again. What is going on?”

“Nothing, Trace.” Amanda said with a roll of her eyes. “I haven’t seen you guys in two weeks, I thought I’d come see you guys.”

“At the crack of dawn?” Justin questioned this time.

“Yeah, at the crack of dawn. That was the only flight available.”

“Are you sure?” Trace asked.

“Yes, I’m sure.” Amanda huffed. “I’m going to go shower so that we can go shopping.”

“We were going to go see a Knicks game, Jo.” Justin said.

“So I’ll go shopping by myself then.”

“You just said you wanted to see us, but you’re going shopping by yourself?” Trace asked.

“You guys are really starting to piss me off.”

“You’re really pissin me off, Jo.” Justin said annoyed.

“What do you want me to say?”

“What are you doing here? Try answering that, for starters.” Trace said. “You never get us to sleep with you if nothing’s wrong. You’ve done it since you were five years old. There’s always something behind it.”

“So I can’t need you guys, now? I can’t miss you, once in a while?”

“You can need and miss us all you want. You know that. The reason for needing us is what we need to know.” Justin said, worry clearly evident in his voice. “You weren’t answering you phones yesterday.”

“I was out all day and forgot my cell phone. Everything is fine. I swear to you.” Amanda said. “Can we go shopping instead of the game? I really need to go shopping in New York. I haven’t done it in a while and I’m craving it.”

“I went shopping yesterday,” Justin said eyeing her attire. “I can see you found some of the things I bought.”

“I’ll go with you. I didn’t go yesterday.” Trace offered. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, dirtball. Stop asking.” Amanda laughed, but her eyes showed no sign of happiness. “You’re going to the game, homeboy?”

“I have to make a few phone calls. I think we should go home tonight.” Justin said eyeing Trace, who shook his head in agreement.

“Already? I just got here.” Amanda huffed. “I’m coming to Florida with you guys too.” she said as she walked into Justin’s hotel room where her over-night bag lay next to Justin’s multiple ones.

“Something’s up.” Trace stated a few minutes after.

“Definitely.” Justin said with a sigh. “I have a feeling, I am somehow involved.”

“Why do you said that?” Trace asked as they heard the shower running in the other room.

“Jeremy hasn’t answered my calls in a week. Amanda didn’t answer her phone yesterday, and I don’t care that she said she left it home. She never leaves without her cell phone. You know that.” he said. “Now she comes here in the middle of the night, does the ‘I’m upset, come hold me routine’, and it’s not right. If he said something to her about me, I’m going to kick his ass.”

“What could he have told her, Justin?” Trace asked frustrated with dealing with Justin’s inability to speak up about his feelings. “You haven’t told anyone but me and Aunt Lynn about your issues. He just suspects, he couldn’t have said anything ,too drastic, to make her hop on a plane.”

“Alright, you’re right. I’m just a bit paranoid. And stop calling my feelings an issue, T.” Justin said rubbing his head.

“Why don’t we just get a flight to Atlanta and see how she feels about that. She doesn’t seem to want to be in Atlanta right now. And in all honesty I’m hoping she tells me, Jeremy laid a pinky on her while they argued, so I can whoop his ass. Cause you know this is what this is all about, his fucking mouth, and not thinking before speaking.”

“Jesus, T!! Don’t say that.” Justin looked at him wide-eyed, at the mention of Jeremy getting physical with her. “Jeremy’s not like that. He wouldn’t do that, he loves her.”

“Yeah well, I can only pray and wait for the time when I get to bash his pretty face in.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Yeah maybe but you’re making me crazier with this whole shit. You need to grow some balls and talk to her. I can’t be trapped in the middle of all this shit. I’m telling you that I think it won’t be as big of deal as you’re making it out to be. You need to talk to her, Bro.”

“Talk to who?” Amanda asked coming into Trace’s room, towel wrapped around her.

“No one.” Justin answered quickly, his eyes diverting a half naked Amanda.

“Yeah right, homeboy. Who you trying to bed this time?”

“That was a quick shower.” Trace said interrupting the direction the conversation was going.

“I haven’t showered yet, dirtball. It takes me longer than five minutes to shower, unlike you. I forgot my hair tie.” Amanda said sticking her tongue out at her cousin before grabbing the hair tie off the dresser and leaving the room once again.

“Don’t ever look at my cousin like that in my presence again, perv.” Trace said pointing at Justin.

“She’s going to kill me, T.” Justin gasped. “She’s going to be the end of me. I swear to you.”

“You have some serious fucking issues.” Trace chuckled. “Schedule our flight, I’m going to go take my five minute shower.”

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Homeboy Memoirs ..... Track Seven Remixes Leave, Get Out (Remix #1)

If I had to tell you in my own words, how I felt during that phone conversation, I don’t think all the pages in the world, would be enough. Right now I’m trying really hard to remain calm about the whole situation. Every time I am reminded of that time in my life, our life, I get really bitchy. (A little more bitchier than usual, I should say.)

Can you believe the nerve of that bitch? She actually had the balls to not only send me photos but have the guts to call me as well, to tell me all the shit she did. I must be honest with you and say that at first, I didn’t believe a single word she said and maybe I should have stuck to that feeling. But this was Jessica, the cheer-whore, why would she be telling the truth about anything? True, she did sleep with my man, (God, that makes me want to go postal, every time I say it.) but the whole pregnancy thing was a load of shit. She was pregnant, but by Jeremy she was not. Of course, that doesn’t justify what Jeremy still did. He slept with her, which I later found out, had been only once. (So he didn’t lie there.)

The photos were taken a weekend I was with Justin and Trace in Vegas for Joey’s show, Rent. He told me everything that happened that night, and everything that didn’t happen after that. She apparently seduced him while he was ‘drunk’ and then when he passed out she’d taken the pictures. THE BITCH!!! I don’t usually go for the whole ‘I was drunk, and didn’t know what I was doing’ spiel but I believed Jeremy. I know, I know, you hate him now and you once again think I’m an idiot. But I honestly think he was being genuine when he told me about it. And just so you know, that was the last time I spoke to him. Are you proud of me? No? Well whatever, I don’t know who you are anyway. (I told you I get real bitchy. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

Unfortunately, lets get back to the tramp, Jessica. She’s a fucking plague, I swear to you. When we were twelve, she attempted taking Jeremy from me. (That sounds possessive, doesn’t it? But I was with the guy for over ten years, I think I’ve earned the right to call him mine.) During the yearly pep rally, (not the one where Mr. Richards fell into the pool) at our school, I got sick from eating a pastelillo too quickly (It’s this turnover thingy, filled with ground meat. It’s a Puertoriquen thing.) and I couldn’t participate in the cheering. In comes Ms. Jessica, taking my place in the line, which meant she would walk Jeremy Owens, captain of the football team, out onto the gym.

To make a long story short, the little twelve-year-old bitch, planted a kiss on an unexpected twelve-year-old Jeremy. In front of the whole school, the nerve of the bitch. (She got detention for that.) Needless to say I was pissed when my squad told me. (They rushed to my house after the rally.) The day after that, was the first time I ever got physical with anyone. I may be short but I can pack a mean punch when tempted. Ask Jessica, Justin and Trace. (Notice I said, it was the first time.)

Lynn went a little crazy with the four-letter word, didn’t she? Don’t think she’s vulgar or anything, she’s just telling the story how we’ve told it to her. (Don’t act like you didn’t get all hyped up when you read it, either.)

You’re asking yourself, what must have been going through my head when Jeremy walked in, huh? Homicidal. Angry. Dirty. But most intensely, betrayed. How could someone you love with all your heart, hurt you that way? How can someone claim they love you, betray you that way? It hurt, I’m not going to lie just because I’ve found true love now. I wanted to die, I was in a state of shock. Because of it, the trauma that it truly caused me, I did some stupid things after that revelation. (You’ll see.) Do I regret them? Honestly, no. I learned a lot, about Jeremy, about Justin and about myself during that month. I learned that Jeremy had loved me, but I hadn’t loved him back. It took me years to be with him, and a month not being with him, to realize that.

The most important lesson I learned after the break up was, to listen closely to my heart. I grew into adulthood not realizing that I was ignoring my heart. I loved Jeremy with my brain, if that makes sense. I held Jeremy up high, on a pedestal over my head, so that he could block my view of what was over him, what had always been beyond him. Justin.

I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that Justin and I came together in the most magical, romantic and amazing way. It took hard work, harsh words and bad feelings to accomplish what we are now. (He can be really mean. And me, well I’m a bitch!!)

Does my song make sense to you now? Do you picture Jeremy and I, when you listen to that song? It’s pretty clear where the inspiration for that song came, huh?

Just to feed your curiosity, I never did cry for anything that related to Jeremy. I hadn’t realized until he said those words to me. I’m not one to cry much, sue me. Yes, I can recall crying a little bit about Justin, or with him at times. But damn if it didn’t hurt when he left to Orlando, or when he left to Europe. Damn if I wasn’t happy when he got a record deal. Or hurt when the fat bastard himself, Lou Pearlman, was suing him. Or proud when he sold a million albums in a single day. Even prouder when he got a solo deal. Honored to be his best friend when he won a Grammy. So I’ve cried a little bit, big fucking deal!! (You’ve seen homeboy’s face, he makes you want to weep with how beautiful he is. Don’t lie.)

And what the hell was Jeremy talking about? That’s what I was thinking when he said ‘You’ve been cheating me since the day we met’. Honestly what was he talking about? I was so clueless, it’s fucking, I mean freaking, (Justin just gave me a dirty look because I cursed. He needs to get back to that fourth slice of pizza he has in his hand. Punk!!) ridiculous, now that I think about it. I was so confused and shocked, I didn’t understand or catch on to what he was trying to say. All I heard was, ‘I cheated on you with Jessica, the cheer-whore’ as he spoke. I was out of my head, it was like I was stuck in a scene from Model Behavior, (Be honest with yourself, if not with me, that movie sucked ass. Yeah, I said it. Sometimes I think Justin forgets that I am the love of his life because right now, he’s giving me the finger.) with all the horrible acting. I didn’t know if I wanted to kill Jeremy or pity him. What would you have done? Kick his ass, right? Well for your entertainment only, let’s just say that ‘Oh yes, there will be blood.’ (Can I get sued for using a line from the movie, Saw II? I hope not, because I just did.)

Before you scrunch your nose up about the whole bed thing, let me explain. That particular pattern started when I last saw my bastard father. (He came to Millington to let my mother know that he was getting married. To a fucking twenty-year old!! Yes, I have issues letting go.) We were six, and I agree that at twenty-four, a girl sandwiched between two grown men, one being her cousin, isn’t normal. (I never claimed to be completely normal, so don’t talk shit.) And yes, on those rare occasions when one of us is going through a rough spot, we find ourselves sleeping together. (Although I snuggle up to one, more than the other. A lot more.) We find that when one of us isn’t doing too well (has to be something serious, we don’t just do it for fun), sleep brings peace and clearance. Even if it’s just for an hour or two, we wake up with solutions in our heads. It’s creepy, I understand, but it’s just us. Justin, Trace and I. (They are going to kick my ass for sharing this with you, by the way. You owe me.) We have a bond that can never be broken, (I sound like 50cent in A Baltimore Love Thing, don’t I?) a bond beyond what you could ever imagine. I truly wish and hope you someday share that kind of bond with someone. Whether it’s your best friend, your mother, your father, your sister or brother, your cousin, anyone. The feeling is truly fulfilling and I pity the person that hasn’t found that yet.

Why did I clearly avoid telling Justin and Trace about Jeremy? I was simply in shock. I thought that if I hoped on a plane to see my best friends, everything would disappear. I didn’t want to burden them with what was happening in my life, my life apart from them. Although I guess showing up in New York, doing our ‘I’m upset, come hold me’ routine, blew that plan out of the water. I’m not saying that I am a burden to them, (although they constantly say I’m a pain in their ass.) but showing up out of nowhere, clued them in. Smart boys, huh?

Quick note before I continue, yes ladies, Jc can be a perv sometimes. (Had to throw that in there. You love it!!) Just so you know, he’s coming over later tonight, to hang out and possibly go swimming.

My cousin, my short (for a guy) cousin, can be pretty intimidating. He’s a little Puertoriquen man, what else can I say? So, when he yells, I admit, I pay attention. He gets it from his father, my Tio. Does that mean I do what he says when he’s yelling? Hell no! But it’s pretty intimidating, nonetheless.

Hold on one second.

Sorry, I had to go take my cell phone from Justin. He likes to download stupid ass songs that I hate and then link them to his numbers. I have this ongoing list of songs that he has downloaded. I’ve deleted them and yet somehow, someway they reappear. Like that Mario song. He knows I hate that guy, with his big ass nose, and his Usher-esk wannabe moves. But I have to give him (Justin, not Mario) props for trying. The lyrics to that song were pretty straightforward. (But you know me. Clueless, Jojo.)

Don’t you wish I had walked in on that conversation the boys were having, a little earlier? Maybe I would have picked up something. A fucking clue, maybe!! Yeah, yeah, I cursed again. (This is me giving Justin my infamous finger.)

How come guys can have potty mouths and girls can’t? That’s sexist. So fuck that!! I’m going to talk like a sailor for five minutes and just to piss Justin off more, I’ll wave my two fingers in the air. (He’s very fond of using his, why can’t I be fond of mine?)

You didn’t cry during this track, did you? I hope not because there are tears to be shed pretty soon. Life’s a bitch!!

-----

Get The Move On (Remix #2)

I didn’t know the details about, the conversation Amanda had with Jessica until I read this track. For one, Amanda isn’t very composed when she talks about Jessica, so I try not to ask. (Who by the way, you know. You just don’t know it yet.) And second, I just don’t like hearing about the way Mr. Owens talked to Jojo that day. (I’m a big sap when it comes to her. If her feelings are hurt, then so are mine.)

Can you believe the way he felt? I mean if he felt like I was somehow taking Jojo away, why didn’t he say something sooner? Why did he wait thirteen years?  I was one of his boys, (although the comment about me meaning nothing, was fucked up!!) and yet he felt like I was scheming on him? You don’t believe that do you? I never once tried anything, romantically with Amanda because of respect for him. (and because I was a pussy about how Amanda would react, had she known.)

Now, as far as the cheating went, that had nothing to do with me. That was his dick he used, not mine. And with Jessica, the cheer-whore? (She’s a big influence on me. Amanda not Jessica, for god sakes, do you think I’m crazy?) She doesn’t even compare to Jojo. First of all she’s too tall, I don’t really care for extremely tall girls. Yeah I know, Cameron was tall but I already told you the deal with her. Her blond hair is too blond, does that make sense? Let’s just say that Jessica is NOWHERE near the hotness scale, as Amanda. And I ain’t just saying that because she’s mine (yeah, I said it. And what?!!) but because she was voted one of the TOP 100 Sexiest People, as well.

While Amanda figured out that she needed to pay close attention to her heart, I was telling mine to shut the hell up. Seriously, I was scared out of my ass about speaking to her. It’s a scary thing to sit your best friend down and tell them that you’re in love with them. You try it, see how it feels.

She’s not lying when she tells you that our ‘coming’ together wasn’t pretty. I said some things that I’m still trying to make up to her. And she said some, no make that A LOT of things that made her be, well how can I say this? A BITCH? (I’m so not getting laid, later. Fuck!!) Things got a little hectic and mean, for lack of a better word, before they got us to this present point in our lives. (You’ll see.)

Isn’t the song, hot? I remember when we were in the studio and we recorded Leave, she was really pissed. She didn’t even take anything into the booth with her. She just went in there and when she came out, she didn’t speak to any of us. It was kind of eerie, now that I think about it. Either way I like that song. (Yes, for the obvious reasons.)

Have I told you that Amanda loves me? She does. A LOT. I know I shouldn’t be bragging about the whole crying thing, but it tickles me. The fact that she can only find tears for me, it warms your heart, doesn’t it?

She told you about the bed thing? Ohh, I might get laid after all, she owes me now. And no, I don’t enjoy being in the same bed with Trace. Like Amanda said, it’s what we do when we’re going to a tough time. No sexual activities, dude. (At least not when Trace is with us.)

Do I appreciate the fact that Amanda kept us in the dark that day? Of course not, but can you blame her? We (meaning Trace and I) probably would have hoped on a plane to Atlanta to whoop Jeremy’s ass. Things wouldn’t have been pretty. Jeremy is a big guy and all but I would have put my money on Trace, still would actually. With the way Trace itches (yes, still) to smash Jeremy’s face, one of us would of ended up in jail and Access Hollywood the next day.

If I catch Jc looking at Jo like he wants to swallow her up, I’m committing a crime. (I know he only does it to get a rise out of me, but one of these days I’m gonna rise something alright. My fist to his skinny face!) Only I can look at her that way. (She’s so fly.)

It’s true by the way, Trace is a pretty intimidating dude. With everyone outside the circle, that is. Amanda and I know him for the little teddy bear he is. (He’s such a pussy!)

Shhh…..

Don’t tell her anything but I just snatched her phone up again. One more song and her memory should be to the max. Should I go with Love by Keisha Cole or my personal favorite, Candy Shop by 50cent? (Maybe I can squeeze both of them in there if I get rid of, Like I Love You, I’m sick of that song anyway.)

Doesn’t Jojo curse too much? I tell her that it’s not very ladylike and what does she do? Shows me that pretty ass manicured finger. You can’ tell her anything!! I’m not the only one that has ever told her she curses too much, either. Trace is about the only one that will sit there and have a conversation where foul language is used every five words. Even Jeremy used to tell her not to curse so much. Guess the duty was handed over to me. (I‘ll take it though, as long as it means I have her.)

Were you happy when you read this track? Not that the situation was funny or anything but did you at least crack a smile in my favor? (You know you did. You’re smiling right now, aren’t you?)

I think C just got here. I must go pretend to be a good host, while I watch people hang around my white couches. (They weren’t cheap. I must protect them.) I think I hear Chris and Joey too. Must be hang out night. I bet you it was Jojo who invited them all over for another pool party. I give it an hour before Lance shows up, (he’s in town this week) and then we have a house full. I just got that rug (white) cleaned, too. Anyways, I’m gone. Timberlake, OUT!! (Ryan Seacrest is so gay!!)

----------------------------------

Get The Fuck Out (Remix # 3)

What is going on, my friend? Before I even start talking to you, you must know that I’m a bit inebriated. So if I say some things that might seem a little foul to you. Please excuse me.

Fuck Jeremy!!!

Okay sorry, I had to get that out there, in the open. Which was probably unnecessary since you know how I feel about the son of a bitch already.

Back to the business at hand.

Jeremy is dead!! No wait, that wasn’t it.

I still can’t believe he cheated on my gorgeous cousin. Fucking Asshole!! What the fuck was he thinking? Figures that guys who look like him (pretty boys) who have girlfriends that look like Manda can’t keep their dicks in their pants. I know you’re rolling your eyes, right now and I don’t give a shit.

I’ve never been the one the girls consider ‘hot’ and don’t go feeling sorry for me. Let me finish. I’ve been the short, brother-type dude since I realized girls were my purpose in life. But I’ve never had a lack of girls, women entering my life. I’m a pimp, believe that. But it irks me that guys like fuck-face (Jeremy) and Justin, who women drop at their feet have such drama with women. They can have all the women in the world, yet they always fuck things up. Jeremy fucked up in the most crucial way, he cheated. Justin fucks up because he falls deeply, when he’s in love. On the other hand there’s me. Like I said I don’t have a problem getting women, at all. But the women I have had in my life, (there’s been many, I told you I’m a pimp) know one thing. I don’t give a fuck!! If you do something to piss me off, I’m telling you about it. If you give me lip about it, you’re cut off. Booty calls and all. I don’t deal with drama, very well. I like things straight up, even if they might somehow hurt my feelings or the other person’s. (Yeah, I have feelings. Lift your jaw off the ground.) I think every guy should be that way. Avoid drama as much as you can because when the right girl comes along, you’ll be up to you fucking neck in drama. Ask Justin.

I hate that song!! Yeah, it’s my cousin singing it but it’s been used against me, one to many time. There was this one girl I dated (fucked), for a while, Elisha. You know The Girl Next Door, anyway she fucking flipped on me one day because I was out with some other girl (I forget her name). Well suck my dick!!! I didn’t know she wanted us to be ‘exclusive’. Point of the story? She thought she could play that song while I picked up my shit from her apartment. (a box of condoms, a few t-shirts and jeans) She learned how quickly I could flip, that day. Needless to say, I still fuck her, once in a while. I told you I was a pimp.

Look I’m not going to get into details about what a shitty time I had dealing Justin and Amanda’s shit.

Hey!! I’m sorry for interrupting but, yes he will tell you. You agreed, dirtball!! Do it!!

Alright, alright. My cousin can be soo irritating.

Where can I start? Have I told you that it sucked? Have I told you that I felt like a fucking trapped Lion? (I know you want to say mouse, but fuck you!!) I wanted to go up to Manda and just tell her to give it up, tell her that she knew she loved Justin. I wanted to kick Justin’s ass for picking me, to tell his secret to. Because I had to be the one that he went to every time he felt crushed. That was a lot being that fuck-face and Manda were always with us.

I remember this one time, at band camp. No I’m fuckin’ with ya. What was I saying? Ohh, yeah, this one (of many) time that we were in Paris, was probably the worst. Fuck-face and Manda, seemed to be taking in the whole ‘Love is Grand in Paris’ in, while Justin wanted to commit suicide. We got really fucked up that week. What do you want me to say? I was being ‘there’ for him, so if he drank every type of alcohol there was to man, I followed suit. I’m his boy, what else did you want me to do? Although I didn’t agree, Justin had respect for Jeremy, and because of it, he was miserable.

I can understand the loyalty thing because well, I was loyal to Justin myself. But I hated the fact that Justin thought about fuck-face’s feelings throughout all of this. Yes I understand that they were friends, (fucker!!) but Justin loved Manda, why not sacrifice?  Jeremy turned out to be the jerk, I’ve always said he was in the long run, which meant Justin should have listened to me. (I’m a smart pimp.)

I’m still pissed that we (Justin and I ) had to wait till the following day, to find out what had gone down. But it made the next day all that much better. (I’m having a fucking orgasm as I remember that day.)

Let me just say that the short comments, are getting old. I’m short, big fucking deal!! I have a big dick, though, so you can suck it!!!

Oh shit!! I think Manda just pushed Jc in the pool, again. There goes another Sidekick, she has to pay for. She’s crazy!! I’m out. Peace.

Main - Next

Homeboy Memoirs .... Track Eight (Use My Shoulder) Track Eight (Use My Shoulder)

Next Day
Orlando, Florida

Amanda opened her eyes only to immediately regret the action when the offensive sun hit her eyes. Her head ached while experiencing a bad case of thirst. Blindly reaching to the nightstand next to the kind-sized plush bed she laid in, she found the object she’d been searching for. Grabbing the remote control and tossing the comforter over her head, she dared to open her eyes once again. Finding the button she needed she pressed it quickly, watching the sun that threatened to penetrate the comforter, turn into darkness. Slowly taking the comforter off her head, she thanked God her best friend had spent an excess amount of money getting remote controlled blinds installed in all the bedrooms.

With a grunt she tossed the comforter to the side and scooted herself to the edge of the bed. She stared at the bathroom’s door across the room, for a few minutes, contemplating the excruciating effort it would take to walk over to it. She knew the minute her feet hit the plush light pink carpeting; her head would go into overload, spinning like a roller coaster ride from hell.

Deciding that it was best if she got out of bed at a decent hour, although the clock on the far wall indicated it was past noon, she stood and waited for the bomb to be dropped on her head. Surprisingly her head didn’t spin as much as she’d anticipated, which encouraged her to walk toward the door slowly and careful not to make sudden moves.

After a shower, she got dressed in comfortable baggy gray sweats she’d gotten from Trace’s room, and a pink tank top she found at the top of her laundry basket, located by the bedroom door.

Shortly after pinning her hair up in a messy bun, she headed out of the room grabbing the half empty bottle of rum from the dresser along with the shot glass; she’d been fond of the night before.

The house seemed oddly quiet as she walked toward the kitchen. She’d expected to find Trace stirring up his eggs over the stove, making himself breakfast although it was past noon. Justin would undoubtedly be sitting at the kitchen counter, his left leg up on the foot bars of the kitchen island’s stool, reading the sports section of the paper, while drinking a cup of coffee. Instead she found the mess Trace had created all over the kitchen counter with the mentioned eggs. The sports section of the paper laying across the kitchen island, an empty mug next to it. By the silence of the house she knew that they had to be out of the house, because they never did anything quietly.

“They left without me. Punks!!” she said to herself, deciding on skipping breakfast, opting for a cup of black coffee, she sat on Justin’s stool, grabbing the paper he’d left behind. A piece of paper, being held down by Justin’s used mug caught her attention. Lifting the cup she found a note addressed to her, with a big smiley face next to her name.

Jojo :)
T and I went out of town for a few hours.
We’ll be back by seven.
Be ready to go out for dinner.
Your homeboy, J

“Out of town?” she wondered out loud with a raised brow in confusion. When realization hit, she dropped the piece of paper, sending it to the floor along with the newspaper, “GOD DAMNIT!!! When are you two going to listen to me? I told you I was fine!!”

With a loud grunt, she got up from the stool and headed for Justin’s bar. She needed something stronger than coffee, to rid the soon reappear headache. “Damnit!!”

--------------

Atlanta, Georgia
Same time

Exiting the ESPN offices, Justin and Trace were relieved. They were on a scheduled and having to stick around in the offices, chatting away with people they both knew wasn’t what they had in mind. Both tired from the multiple flights they both endured, neither said anything as they headed toward the black suv, Justin had rented for the few hours they planned on being in Atlanta.

“This isn’t looking good,” Justin said as he backed the large automobile out its parking space, heading toward the exit. “He hasn’t been to work today and he’s not answering his phone. What should we do? Were does he hang out?”

“Look man, I’m not driving around Atlanta looking for someone I don’t fucking give a shit about. Go to the apartment, if he’s not there then we’ll just have to wait until Manda tells us what’s wrong.”

“She’s not going to tell us anytime soon, T. You know it too cause you wouldn’t have come with me.”

“I told you to schedule the flight here when we were in New York, but no, you had to fall for her whining about wanting to come home with us.”

“Whatever. We’ll go to the apartment and see if Jeremy is there. I’m sure he’ll tell us what this is all about.”

“What makes you so sure? He’s an asshole. The only reason I agreed to this escapade was because waiting around for Manda to talk is like watching paint dry. I could care less what the asshole has to say. I hope they broke up for good so I don’t have to see him again.”

“You’re forgetting that you may hate him but Amanda loves him, T.” Justin said dejectedly.

“No she doesn’t,” Trace shrugged. “She just hasn’t realized it yet.”

“I hope you’re right, T, for my sake.”

“I’m always right, J. Now stop being a little bitch and let’s go talk to this asshole friend of yours.” Trace said as they entered the parking lot to the apartment building.

Making their way through the quiet lobby, Justin pulled his hat further down his head, when he saw a group of young girls, while telling himself that everything would work out. He found himself cringing at the thought that Jeremy might have insinuated something regarding him, to Amanda. He knew he was probably being paranoid, but the feeling was becoming overwhelming. Partly he knew, was due to the fact that he was nearing the edge. The edge of restraining himself from telling Amanda how he felt, how he’s felt for a long, long time.

“Did you see his car out there? I didn’t look.” Trace asked as they entered the elevator for the fifteenth floor.

“Yeah, it’s out there.” Justin said as they ascended toward the top floor.

“Well I hope he’s in a descent mood because I don’t know how much I can bare it.” Trace huffed. “If the asshole would answer his phone, we wouldn’t have to be here,” he said as they stepped onto the floor where Jeremy and Amanda resided.

“Just try to be civilized, Trace. You’ve done it all your life.”

“Yeah well I’ve only been civil because my two best friends are morons, and can’t listen to what I say.” Trace said with a shrug.

“Shut up.” Justin said knocking on the door to the apartment. Several knocks later, the door swung open to reveal Jeremy’s clearly distressed form.

“You look oddly familiar.” Trace said to Jeremy, walking into the apartment uninvited.

“What?” Jeremy asked, closing the door after Justin followed Trace into the apartment.

“Manda looks just like you do. Care to explain?” Trace asked.

“No, I don’t care to explain.” Jeremy said grabbing an empty box from the floor, and continuing his packing.

“Going somewhere?” Justin asked curiously.

“Why are you here?” Jeremy asked annoyed with the presence of the two, but not surprised that they were there.

“What do you mean what are we doing here? Why the fuck do you think we’re here?” Trace snapped from the seat he’d taken across the room.

“I don’t recommend you start your shit with me today, Trace.” Jeremy said calmly, placing his bronze football trophy into the box.

“I could care less what you recommend, Jeremy,” Trace shrugged. “What did you do to Manda?”

“Why is it, that you two assume I did something to her? Ever thought of the possibility that she might have done something to me?”

“Not likely, Owens,” Justin said with a shrug of his own. “You gonna tell us what happened, so we can maybe help?”

“Help? Seriously Timberlake, you’re not here to help, we both know that.” Jeremy said before looking at Trace. “So save me the protective brothers bull shit, I’m busy here.”

“Cut the shit, Jeremy. What the hell did you do, to make her come to us?” Justin asked a bit offended that his friend was being drastically cold toward him.

“I don’t make her go to you, I’ve spent countless days trying to prevent that actually.” Jeremy said walking toward the kitchen. “Amanda is a grown woman, no one makes her do anything, except for you, that is.”

“What does that mean?” Justin asked from the living room. “We’re here to try to help not argue over stupid shit. You’re trying to push buttons, Owens.”

“Am I pressing the right buttons, Justin? I bet I am, cause I know Amanda’s buttons like the back of my hand, yours are located at exactly the same spot hers are in.” Jeremy chuckled bitterly.

“What are you talking about? You keep making comments that seem come out of your ass, and quite frankly it’s pissing me off. Say what you want to say and stop with all the bullshit.” Justin said angrily walking over to the kitchen, standing a few feet away from him. Justin wasn’t sure why he suddenly felt anger rise out of him, but he knew what the other man was about to say, wouldn’t make him happy to be there.

“You don’t want me to say what I really want to say, Justin. And I suggest you simmer down.” Jeremy said walking up, face to face with Justin.

“What’s your problem man?” Justin said not backing up.

“You are my problem. You’ve always been my problem.” Jeremy said backing up from Justin to lean against the kitchen counter. “Are you here to settle the score, after Amanda filled you in?”

“What the fuck are you talking about? We’re here to find out what happened. Why my cousin isn’t coming back here? Why she locked herself in her fucking bedroom, drowning her fucking sorrows with a bottle of rum? That’s what we’re here for, asshole!! So why don’t YOU cut the shit? What happened?” Trace said joining the other two in the kitchen, his face red from the restraint he’d been having to keep, since he walked into the apartment.

“You two have no idea, do you?” Jeremy said with a chuckle once again. “She didn’t tell you.”

“No, that’s why you’re going to, Owens.” Justin said with his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned on the opposite counter.

“I told her you wanted to fuck her,” Jeremy said with a shrug and evil smirk on his lips.

“WHAT!?” Justin asked in shock.

“Isn’t that the truth, Timberlake? Haven’t you been wanting to fuck her for years, now? Haven’t you wanted my girl since we were eight?” Jeremy said maliciously. “Isn’t that why you’re here?”

“Don’t talk about my cousin like that, asshole!” Trace said stepping closer to Jeremy, making their height differences clearly evident.

“Chill out, T,” Justin said grabbing Trace’s arms and standing in between the two. “What are you trying to accomplish, Owens? If you’re trying to purposely piss us off, it’s working. I’m trying to be a friend here, you’re pushing it.”

“You’re afraid to admit it aren’t you?” Jeremy asked Justin with a laugh.

“What happened with Manda? Other than her finally realizing you’re a fucking lowlife?” Trace asked angrily.

“Trace, I’m sick of your fucking mouth. Why don’t you go sit your ass over there,” Jeremy snapped, pointing to the couch in the living room. “so I can tell Justin whatever it is he wants to know.”

“How about not, fuck-face.” Trace said stepping dangerously close to Jeremy.

“Back off, Trace. Don’t underestimate me, I don’t give a shit how long I’ve known you. Don’t step to me.” Jeremy sneered.

“What are you trying to do? Threatened me? I’m not scared of you and I’ve never been, fucker!” Trace said shoving Jeremy against the counter.

“Trace, chill out!!” Justin yelled. “Why are you talking about Amanda like she’s some fucking girl? What’s your problem, Jeremy?”

“You keep asking me the same fucking questions, Justin!” Jeremy said pushing Trace off of him. “I’m not saying it again, Trace. BACK OFF!!”

Having to stand there listening to Jeremy, not only talk to Justin the way he was, but also refer to his cousin as if she was anyone out on the street, had triggered the pent up anger he’d been having for over ten years. With one swift move, Trace swung his right fist connecting it with one hard blow with Jeremy’s left eye. A smug smile appearing on his face as he watched Jeremy bent over in pain and shock.

“Damnit, T.” Justin said grabbing Trace by the back of his shirt and pushing him toward the door, while Jeremy bent over in pain, momentarily out of it. “WAIT OUTSIDE FOR ME!!”

“NO!! WHY ARE YOU DEFENDING HIM, J! ALL THAT SHIT HE’S SAYING TO YOU AND YOU’RE JUST GOING TO STAND THERE?! FUCK HIM!!” Trace yelled as he was pushed outside the door. “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?”

“WAIT OUTSIDE!!” Justin said closing the door on his best friends face. Wanting to have a civilized conversation with Jeremy, Justin knew that having Trace in that equation, wouldn’t have allowed that. He’ll have to deal with the consequences of treating his best friend that way later.

“Why don’t you do the same Justin?” Jeremy said holding his hand over his eye. “Little fucker, I’m going to kill him.”

“He’s just angry and you deserved that, Owens. Why don’t we just chill out for a minute so that we can talk?”

“Talk about what, Justin? Talk about the fact that you want my girl? I’d rather not, I’ve dealt with that basically all my life. I’m not continuing it.”

“Why would you think that? You have nothing to base that on.” Justin said calmly, avoiding eye contact as much as he could.

“How long have we been friends, Justin?” Jeremy asked just as calmly as he retrieved ice from the freezer, taking his spot against the counter once again.

“Seventeen years.”

“You can’t even look at me right now and you’re asking me what I’m basing it on? I’m not stupid Justin, I know how you feel about her.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Jeremy.”

“I think I do, Justin,” Jeremy said with a shrug. “because I feel the same way toward her. And as of yesterday she used to feel the same way about me. At least she thought she did. She has spent her whole life with me, but fails to realize that she has also spent it with you. That’s why she’s so happy all the time. She’s had the best of both worlds all her life.”

“What? You keep talking about Amanda like she was a stranger. If you love her..”

“Don’t question my love for Amanda, Justin! I love her more than you can imagine.”

“I’m not questioning anything. I know you love her but you keep talking about her like she hasn’t been there for you, or loved you all your life.”

“Why are you trying to avoid the real subject here, Justin? Are you going to tell me that I’m wrong? You’re going to tell me that you don’t want her?”

“No.”

“I didn’t think so.”

“What do you want me to say? That I’m proud of the fact, Jeremy? I’m not proud of having put you through this, I can’t help how I feel. Just like you can’t help the way she makes you feel. It just happened.”

“You could have backed off.”

“Backed off what? She’s my best friend and you can’t expect me to drop her like a bad fucking habit just because I’m your friend too. It’s not fair.”

“So, it’s fair that she loves both of us? I’m so angry at her right now, I honestly wish I didn’t love her as much as I do.”

“She doesn’t love me like she loves you, Jeremy. And it’s alright cause I know you love her and she deserves to be happy. I’m not trying to come between the two of. You both mean a lot to me.”

“I cheated on her.” Jeremy blurted out.

“What?”

“I cheated on her with Jessica a few months ago.”

“What?”

“I cheated on her. Are you fucking deaf? I fucked someone else behind her back. Don’t look so hurt, Justin. Isn’t that what you wanted? For us to be finished so that you could move in on my girl? Huh?” Jeremy laughed bitterly. “And you know what’s fucked up about that? While I cheated on her, you know where she was?”

“How could you do that to her?” Justin asked heatedly.

“SHE WAS WITH YOU!!” Jeremy yelled. “How could I do that? Well shit, Justin you should know how it is. You’ve had your share of  free lays, why shouldn’t I be entitled too?”

“Trace is right. You really are an asshole and a lowlife.” Justin’s arms were on either side of him, his hands holding the counter’s edge in a death grip. His head was spinning out of control. If Jeremy was telling the truth, he knew how emotionally devastated his best friend must be. What was odd though, was the fact that although she was indeed acting strange, she hadn’t even cried. “How could you betray her that way? She’s been by your side your whole life.”

“Honestly Justin, don’t you think I know that? I know that she has been with me through everything but then again so have you. So did I betray you too? Oh no wait, that’s what you’ve been doing, isn’t it? Falling in-love with MY girl.” Jeremy said making quotation marks when he said love.

“I’m sorry you feel that way, Jeremy. You can’t stand here and say that I’ve been a bad friend to you because I have not. You know that I’ve always been available to you, to Trace and to Amanda, so for you to stand here and say that I have betrayed you, is bullshit. I’ve never made any romantically driven gesture toward Amanda because I have respect for you and for her. And I thought that I was getting the same respect from you, but apparently I’m not.”

“I wasn’t the one following your girl around on the pretense of being her best friend, Justin.”

“I don’t follow Amanda around, Owens. I never have. She’s my best friend and I’m not going to push her away just because I love her more than I should. I’m definitely not going to push her away now, that you’ve decided that you want to cheat on her.”

“Well at least now you’re admitting it.”

“What the fuck do you want me to say, Jeremy? That I’m sorry I love her? I’m not sorry. Just because you’re one of my best friends doesn’t change that.” Justin said. “I am sorry that I’ve let it go this long.”

“Why regret it now?”

“Because I swear to you that I never wanted her to find out this way. For you to find out this way.”

“You can fucking relax, Justin. I didn’t say anything to her about you. She threw me out of here the other night. I haven’t talked to her and I haven’t been worried because I knew she would…”

“Be with me.”

“Yeah.”

“She hasn’t said anything to us.”

“She doesn’t care.”

“Yes, she does.”

“No, she doesn’t, Justin. It fucking sucks to know that your girlfriend of thirteen years doesn’t give a shit.”

“I don’t think you gave a shit when you were screwing someone else.”

“Whatever, Justin. I could care less what you think. You got what you wanted. Amanda is free, you’re free too. Even in this situation, Mr. I-get-whatever-I-want doesn’t loose. You no longer have to worry about hurting me, your friend, because as of  today, I don’t know you. We’re no longer friends. We never were.”

“That’s how you’re going to be?”

“That’s how it’s always been, Justin.” Jeremy said walking over to the door and opening it. “Get out.”

“Fine.” Justin said walking toward the door. Stopping to look at him he shook his head in anger and in disappointment. “She’ll be happier with me anyway.” Justin said as he walked out onto the hallway, cringing as the door slammed behind him.

---------------

Orlando, Florida

Amanda heard the sound of the front door being slammed loudly, causing her to sit up. Looking at the clock over Justin’s many arcade machines in the game room, she noticed that it was past six o’clock and that she’d been passed out for over three hours. The front door opened and slammed again, indicating that a second person was in the house. Remembering that she had a bone to pick with the two of them she made her way out to the living room where she found Justin sitting on the sofa, eyes closed, head rested on the backrest of the large sofa.

“Why didn’t you tell us, Amanda?” he asked without opening his eyes, sensing that she’d been standing behind the sofa.

“Why couldn’t you guys wait until I was good and ready to tell you?” she snapped back.

“Are you alright?” Justin asked looking at her this time, sadness emitting from his eyes.

“I’m okay, I guess. I’ll be fine. I just wanted to be away without having to answer questions, Justin. Why did you guys have to go over there?”

“You knew we would. You came in here yesterday, not really saying much, then go into your room with a bottle of liquor. What were we supposed to do?”

“Leave me alone?”

“We did, last night. Trace was dying to shake whatever was wrong out of you, but I told him to back off.” Justin said. “But we weren’t going to wait around till you told us what happened. We don’t operate that way, Amanda. You know that. You coming to us with lots to say and yet saying nothing makes no sense.”

“Are you mad at me now? What the fuck for?” Amanda snapped, as she sat across from him, legs tucked under her.

“No one’s mad at you, Amanda.” Justin said getting up and sitting next to her. “I just need to know that you’re okay. You can’t be.”

“Why not? Because he was my life? Because he cheated on me after all these years? I should be trying to commit suicide now, huh?” Amanda laughed cynically.

“Are you drunk?” Justin asked with a raised brow.

“Not at all.” Amanda lied. “Are we going out to dinner or what? I was thinking some club or something too, afterwards.”

“Amanda?”

“Justin?” Amanda laughed.

“You’re avoiding.”

“You’re being a pain. I don’t want to talk about anything, Justin. Don’t you get it?”

“No I don’t get it. Why are you acting as if nothing has happened? This is pretty serious stuff, Amanda.”

“Why do you keep calling me Amanda anyway? What happened to Jojo?” Amanda asked curiously.

“She’s apparently drunk.” Justin said eyeing her.

“I’m not drunk. I’ve been in this house, pissed off that you guys didn’t listen to me, so I had a drink or two. No big deal. Now are we going out or not?”

“If you want to.” Justin said.

“I want to. I’m pissed at you and Trace, but I want to go out.” Amanda said getting up from the couch, shoving him to the side. “Speaking of, where did he go?”

“He went up to his room. He’s not speaking either.”

“Why not?”

“Take a wild guess, Amanda.”

“What does Jojo mean?” Amanda asked curiously.

“What?” Justin asked surprised at the sudden change of subject.

“What does Jojo mean?”

“Where is that question coming from?”

“Just curious.”

“You never asked before.”

“I never thought about it.”

“And you thought about it now?”

“Yeah I guess.” Amanda shrugged. “I’m going to go check on Trace and get ready.”

“Trace isn’t in the mood!!” Justin said loudly as she trekked up the stairs. He grunted as he took his previous position on the couch, closing his eyes. “This is going to be a nightmare.”
 

*Author’s Note: Thanks to my co-worker and friend, Jen Pizarro, for helping out. I appreciate the feedback and suggestions. Also thanks to Jessica B. for putting up with my constant writer’s block. Love ya, girls!!

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Homeboy Memoirs ... Track Eight Remixes I Should Have Made Her Use My Shoulder (Remix #1)

Can you believe she’s letting us (Trace and I) do this by ourselves? She won’t admit it but I think the last track got a lot out of her and it hurts her. I don’t want her to hurt. Ever. She’s in the pool harassing Jc. She keeps telling him that coming around her, a pool and a Sidekick isn’t a good idea and that he should have learned his lesson last week. He’s laughing in her face because he says by the time her ‘jokes’ were over with she’d owned a stock at T-Mobile before she knew it. (She’d bought seven just this past month, to replaced C’s after she throws him in the pool.) she’s crazy, let me tell you. And just between you and me. I love it.

Anyway back to the matters at hand. Track eight.

I don’t know what to say really. After my discussion with Jeremy I felt somewhat frightened. No, not by Jeremy because he doesn’t scare me, physically. One thing that did scare me was the fact that he wasn’t there anymore. He was gone. Why was I scared? You do the math. Best friend loves girl, girl loves best friend’s other best friend. Pretty complicated arithmetic, don’t you think? Do you get how taking Jeremy out of that equation fucks with my head? This whole new world was opened up in front of my eyes. Amanda was single. I didn’t know what that was like, never being exposed to it in the past. She was never available for my taking, sort of speak. She’d always been with Jeremy and I was always with whomever had come close to portraying Amanda. But never, ever was the time when we were both single.

To be honest I don’t know that Amanda knows what it’s like to be single. To go month to month, dating anyone, or no one at all, just cause you don’t feel like it. No commitments. Kissing whomever you’d like. One night stands. (Despite what you might think or what Jeremy said, I don’t do one-night stands.) That’s being single. And until that month, I hadn’t realized that I hated being single. Why? Because I, as another single person, volunteered to show Amanda a single’s life. What a mistake that was. And believe me I’ve made lots. A particular one that comes to mind was this mistake (lie) I made by lying about something, that was a mistake I learned from, starts with a B and ends in a Y.

Showing Amanda what single people did was excruciatingly painful. I know I should have made her use my shoulder to cry on, instead of partying it up with her. I know that now but I didn’t know what else to do. She wouldn’t talk about Jeremy at all. Every time we brought it up, she’d pretend she didn’t know who we were talking about. quite annoying if you ask me. So to avoid telling her that I loved her (a lot ), and to keep her from throwing shit (anything she’d find. Books, magazines, water bottles, beer bottles, you name it.) every time we mentioned Jeremy, I pretended like I didn’t know who he was either. (Not so hard to do, by the way)

Hold on, Trace is coming.

You there? Good.

He came in here to tell me that Jojo said not to talk about the partying thing because Lynn is doing something with it. So I can’t tell you any more about that. Sorry. How did she know I was talking to you about that, anyway? She’s in a whole other part of the house. Can best friends be telepathic? How about a couple? Lovers? (You like when I say that, don’t you, lover?)

I know that you’re probably all giddy and happy that Trace punched the shit out Jeremy. (It was a pretty big punch, by the way. Jeremy had a black, purple, yellow, and greenish looking eye, for a while.) But I didn’t enjoy the ordeal like I know you did. It was kind of scary actually. Trace isn’t a violent guy, he doesn’t act that way. It was actually kid of sad to see him react that way because it involved me. I know you’re probably thinking, ‘This Justin guys is all about himself’ but when it comes to my friends, I do what I can to protect them from getting hurt. (These are my memoirs, by the way. Some of the time it’s going to have to be all about me.)

I know Trace wouldn’t have acted that way if Jeremy had been a little bit more civil toward me. I know that for a fact. But Jeremy was being the asshole that he is and Trace just lost it. I guess in the end, Trace and I are the same. We don’t like to see the other hurt in any way. We show it differently though, I am the shoulder to lean on, and he’s the short guy with an attitude, ready to tell someone off in my defense. You have to love him for that too, not just because you were hoping someone kicked Jeremy’s ass.

I guess you can’t completely blame Jeremy for the things he said. It was true that I was  (am) in love with his girl. (MY GIRL!!) He was right about having to deal with the fact all his life. I know I keep saying this but, what could I have done? I couldn’t help it. I loved her. I love her. I would die for her. I would give up sex for her. No, wait!! That’s not right. I take that back. I have given up sex with anyone else but her. that’s better.

I saw Jeremy the other day. He was at a basketball game I went to with Trace. He pretended that he didn’t see me. (Hard to do with Lonnie on my back) I have to admit that it kind of stung. I mean he was one of my best friends, shouldn’t it have stung to have him give me the cold shoulder? I think so. I didn’t let him know it stung, but it did nonetheless. What did Trace do? Nothing, he’s over it now. I think. Either that or he was seriously into Elisha, who was sitting next to him. I think it might have been the latter.

What does Jojo, mean? Well, wouldn’t you like to know. Not telling. Sorry. Perdon. No puedo. (My Spanish is so much better.)

Well I think it’s time I go join everyone in the pool. Lance is here, by the way. I told you she’d call everyone and they mommas. I better go before C, kills her. One of these days he’s going to call the cops on her for harassment. I swear. I have to keep them apart sometimes. They love pestering each other and then I get caught in the middle. My brother or my girl? You guess which one is always the first choice. (I love C, but I don’t have to sleep with him every night.)

Have I ever told you, you have an incredible knack for hearing people out? You do, you know. I like you. You just sit there and listen. I wish Trace and Jo would do that some times. All I ask is not to walk on the white carpeting when they’ve been out on the volleyball court. Is that such a big thing to ask?

I’m digressing again. I’m out of here. Til’ next time.

Love, Justin. (Have I mentioned I’m a pimp?)

-----------------------------

Why Does It Have To Be My Shoulder? (Remix #2)

Why me? Why did it have to be me? To have two best friends, who don’t listen. Two best friends that I’d do anything for. Two best friends, who piss me off so much that I loose my head. Two best friends who I love with all my heart. My two best friends who love each other with all their hearts, but use me as a safe net.

Don’t get me wrong, I am willingly their safety net. But I have to be myself at all times, which means talking shit about it. Do I make myself clear? Good.

You started reading this remix, anxious to hear about my thoughts about the whole Jeremy thing, huh? I really don’t have much to say about the situation. He had that shit coming for seventeen years and it was time someone gave it to him. Am I glad it was me? Hell yeah, to be completely honest. (J and Manda say I have to be) I don’t regret it and if I had to do it again, I probably wouldn’t have waited seventeen years. What triggered my reaction was Justin, actually. I was standing there pissed and Justin had this look of fucking shock across his face. All that kept running through my head was that Justin must have been in another world all together. Why he was letting Jeremy talk to him the way he was, was beyond me. My best friend, whom is usually outspoken just stood there, frozen. So I took it upon myself to take action. No one talks to my friend like he’s a piece of shit. No one. (Except my cousin, and me that is.)

I saw Jeremy the other day at a game. Justin thinks I didn’t see him but I did. He was across the stadium with his wannabe friends and I didn’t give a shit. Justin still thinks he has to protect me for some reason. He says Jeremy isn’t going to forget that I socked him one and he didn’t get his payback. I don’t give a shit, what is he going to do? If he didn’t try anything at the time, then he’s assed out. Why Justin thinks I’m somehow scared is beyond me. I think he says that shit just to piss me off. He knows that if Jeremy ever tried anything, it would be on. I don’t care how much taller he is, I’ll kick his ass. Don’t be laughing either. Try me.

I know I’m not supposed to talk to you about Manda’s partying but let me just tell you that when you find out about it, you might not like my cousin very much. Don’t be quick to judge though. Take it easy with her. Enough of this sentimental bullshit. I’ve been drinking and I tend to get lovey dovey. Which reminds me, did I tell you Elisha is coming over in a few minutes? No, I don’t think I did, I was busy talking about fuck-face. Yes, I do realize I’m in my twenties and I refer to another man (bastard) as fuck-face but who are you to judge? This beer is soo good right now. Want some? Wait, how old are you?

I’m going to go join the party now. This bitch, I mean Elisha, better get here soon. I might need a quickie or two. Nos Vemos.

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Homeboy Memoirs .... Track Nine (Never Say Goodbye) Track Nine (Never Say Goodbye)

Club: Club Mood
Location: Los Angeles

The music played loudly, as she swayed to the right, down and back up. The man behind her, enjoying the grinding against his groin, held onto her hips tightly. She felt great, she felt free, and she felt numb. She didn’t push the man’s hands away, when they traveled to her behind, instead smiled up at him with a wink. He was attractive, she couldn’t deny that, but she wasn’t drunk enough to even pretend he was going to get lucky, either. Despite the fact that she barely wore any clothes, she wasn’t a whore. She respected herself, which made her wave over her head at the guy, as she walked away when she was done dancing, at least with him.

The past week had been full of club nights, one club after the other. Her two best friends following suit, at her request.

Making her way toward the stairs to the VIP area, she stumbled over a step and laughed at her clumsiness. Adjusting the strapless shirt she wore, she made her way through the bridge-like walkway over the dance floor toward the VIP area.

“Where’s Trace?” Justin yelled over the music, looking around the club once he’d spotted her. He’d opted to stay in the VIP area, to avoid pictures and rumors, sending Trace with her to the dance floor.

“I don’t know!!” Amanda shrugged. “He was down there for a while, but I think some red head got his attention.” she said with a laugh.

“And where were you?” Justin asked.

“On the dance floor. Where did you think I was?”

“He left you down there by yourself?”

“I’m a big girl, Justin. Relax!!” she said wrapping her arms around his neck, causing Justin to jump back a bit.

“How many drinks have you had?” Justin asked as she stood there in front of him, her arms wrapped around his neck, swaying to the music playing below. He tried breathing calmly when she turned in front of him and started dancing in front of him. He cautiously started dancing with her, trying not to touch her. The fact of the matter was, that when Amanda had come down from her room, he’d wanted to hide. It was like the moment Jeremy was out of the picture; his senses became working on constant overload.

“I lost count.” Amanda giggled a few minutes later. “What’s wrong with you?” she asked noticing how tense he was, as they went to sit down on the plush leather couch, in a dark area of the VIP lounge.

“Nothing.” Justin said trying to move on the other side of the couch without offending her. The alcohol he’d consumed combined with the fact that he hadn’t had sex in quite a while, made him squirm. The last thing he needed was for Amanda to touch him even in the most platonic way, because he knew he wouldn’t be able to help himself. “Are you ready to go?”

“Why? Are you?” Amanda asked taking a shot from the cocktail waitress that walked by.

“Whenever you’re ready, Jo. This was your night out.” Justin said accepting a shot from the cocktail waitress as well.

“Do this shot with me and then we can go,” she slurred.

She got up from the couch, her shot in one hand, as she straddled Justin’s lap. Justin’s quick intake of air went unnoticed by Amanda. It shouldn’t have alarmed him but the action surprised him, nonetheless. It wasn’t the first time she’d ever done that in his life and he was sure it wouldn’t be the last. Whenever she would try to talk to him or Trace and neither wanted to listen, she made sure she had their attention. She called it face-to-face talk; Trace and Justin called it annoying.

Justin couldn’t find the feeling of annoyance though because Amanda was wearing a very short skirt. Although drunk she managed to scoot the skirt on each side, with her left hand, preserving her modesty. However, in the darkened area he could still see the three quarters of her thighs that weren’t covered by her denim skirt. He was three seconds from touching her there, and then all hell would break loose. Fortunately for him, her and their friendship, Trace chose that moment to make his entrance.

“Somebody is drunk.” He said in a singsong voice followed with a laugh, looking at Justin. Justin gave him a wide-eyed look while mouthing, ‘help me’ at him, which made him laugh.

“Primo mio!!” Amanda yelled. “Come have a shot with us!” she said jumping off Justin, making him grunt. “Hey!!” she yelled at the cocktail waitress, who immediately came to her with the tray full of shots.

“What is it?” Trace said taking a glass and bringing it to his nose.

“I think that’s a lemon drop, Trace.” The cocktail waitress said with a smile.

“Tanya, right?” Trace asked the waitress with a raised brow.

“Tara,” she said with a seductive smile directed toward him. She took a piece of paper from the back pocket of her skin-tight jeans and handed it to him. “Call me again sometime.”

“You bet.” Trace said watching her walk away. “Damn.”

“You’re such a whore.” Amanda laughed as she pulled him toward the couch. Pushing him onto the couch, she sat sideways on his lap, while stretching her bare legs on Justin’s lap. “To being single, boys.” she said lifting her glass to her best friends.

“Amen.” Trace said before all three of them took the shot glass to their mouths, making the liquid disappear.

-----------
Club: Coyote Ugly
Location: New York

The drinks were never-ending. One after another, she drank and drank. If the huge bodyguards standing below her weren’t there, a woman in her state of inebriation would be in a lot of trouble.

“That’s enough, Amanda.” Lonnie said to her, grabbing her tiny waist and lifting her off the bar to help her walk toward the VIP area.

“Stop being such a bore, Lon.” Amanda said resting her head on his right arm as they walked. Towering over her like a statue, Lonnie shook his head. “What has gotten into you?”

“I’m single, Lon,” she said with a smile. “Hey Eric, can you get me a rum and coke?” she said to the other guard over the loud music.

“Negative.” Eric stated, pushing people out of the way, as they walked through the crowded club.

“You suck!” Amanda said pushing away from Lonnie, walking ahead of them, pushing people over herself. “Where’s Justin?” she asked Trace once she made it to the VIP lounge.

“Have fun?” Trace asked sipping his drink, his left arm draped over Elisha’s shoulder.

“Yeah, that was fucking hot!!” Amanda said forgetting that she was looking for Justin to complain about his staff. “Too bad they have to let other bitches dance on the bar. I could be there all night.”

“You practically were, girl!” Elisha said with a laugh, drinking from her glass.

“I was, wasn’t I?” she giggled. “Where’s Justin?”

“Bathroom.” Trace said.

“Again?”

“What do you mean, again? Last time you came up here, was over an hour ago,” Trace said. “He has to drain it every hour to consume more, Manda.”

“You done causing a ruckus?” Justin said coming into the room a few seconds later.

“I wasn’t causing a ruckus,” Amanda said sitting on the red couch in between Lonnie and Eric. “I was having fun.”

“Too much.” Lonnie said from next to her.

“No one asked you,” Amanda said with a roll of her eyes, shoving his arm, only to be put in a headlock by Lonnie.

“Aren’t you glad you wore jeans tonight?” Elisha said while everyone laughed at Amanda’s attempt to get out of Lonnie’s grip. “You would have showed the whole club your business.”

“And no one needs to see that.” Trace said jokingly, but meaning every word.

“I agree.” Justin said climbing on top of Lonnie to remove his arms from Amanda, causing a fit of laughter to erupt between the friends. Finally released from the burly man’s arms, Amanda stood with disheveled hair, adjusting her top with a huff.

“Pick on someone your own size, Lon!!”

“Don’t be touching me, crazy girl.” Lonnie said with a laugh. “Your hero here saved you this time. You’re lucky.”

“He is my hero, isn’t he?” Amanda said giving Justin puppy eyes, as everyone ohhed and ahhed at her. “Thank you for saving me, my knight in blinging armor,” she said dramatically with a loving smile before laughing at her own joke.

“That’s what I’m here for, Jo,” he said with a laugh as he put his arm around her. “You ready to go?”

“Yeah, fuck it!! My legs can’t take any more dancing.”

“Stop cursing, Jo.” Justin warned. “Let’s go.”

--------
Club: Ghostbar at Palms
Location: Las Vegas

She was hot and sweaty. Her head was spinning out of control. Arms seemed to be everywhere as she swayed to the music. And she couldn’t remember how many drinks, she’d had. She was sure that she’d only had two, since she’d gotten there. One that Justin had brought to her and one that she’d gotten downstairs at the bar. She could faintly see her best friend across the VIP lounge, a look of pure anger as he yelled something to his bodyguard. He looked over at her and their eyes met; she smiled at him waving for him to come over. Eric tried to talk to Justin again but Justin only shrugged his arms off his and made his way through the cramped VIP area toward her.

Seeing Justin headed toward her, a pissed off look on his face, Amanda left the guys she was dancing with to meet him half way.

“We’re leaving.” Justin simply said as he took her by the arm, to lead her across the room to the stairs.

“Why?” Amanda asked as she stumbled across the room. “I don’t feel too good, homeboy.”

“Let’s get you out of here and upstairs, Jojo.” Justin said as they headed out of the club, Lonnie and Eric following behind. Justin was glad there weren’t paparazzi around because Amanda was clinging to him as they made their way to the elevator.

“Why?” Amanda asked, trying to keep her eyes focused on him.

“Some guy slipped something in your drink, while you were down at the bar. ALONE.” Justin said looking hard at Eric. “The bartender heard some guys talking about it and told Eric.”

“What?!” Amanda asked in shock. “Is that why my head is spinning? Son of a bitch!!”

“Try not to pass out yet, Jo.” Justin said when she rested her head on his arm as the rode the elevator. “You’re gonna have to force yourself to vomit, okay?”

“Okay.” she said quietly.

“Go find Trace and Elisha. Tell them that we are up here, so they don’t worry.” Justin sneered at Eric. “Can you two do that, Lonnie?”

“No problem,” Lonnie said worriedly. “She’ll be alright, J.”

“Yeah, I know. Now that she’s with me and not left out of sight!” Justin snapped, slamming the door to the Real World suite on the guards faces.

“It’s not his fault, Justin.” Amanda said sitting on one of the kitchen’s stools. “I ditched him.”

“They are paid not to let you ditch, Amanda! What were you thinking?”

“Why you yelling at me?! I didn’t do anything wrong.” Amanda tried to yell, although her body was threatening to shut down.

“Something could have happened to you.” Justin said more calmly. “Do you know how scary that is? Do you know how crazy that would make me? Not to mention, Trace.”

“I’m fine, Justin.” Amanda said getting up and hugging his waist like a child.

“You need to throw up.” Justin said pulling her toward the bathrooms.

“Whatever you say, homeboy,” Amanda mumbled. “But can you carry me?”

“Don’t pass out yet, Jojo.” Justin warned as he picked her up, carrying her toward the bathrooms.

“I’m not.”

“Good.”

“Thank you, Justin.”

“For what?”

“For loving me.” her words made Justin stop in his tracks, to look down at her. Her eyes were closing lazily, her head resting against his chest. He knew she wasn’t talking about love, as in the way he loved her but the words still squeezed his heart.

“What?”

“You love me, don’t you? I love you, so you have to love me. It’s a rule.” Amanda mumbled before passing out.

“Believe me, Jo. That’s a rule I’ve been following all my life.” Justin whispered, kissing her forehead as he took her to her room.

-----------------

Club: Club Paris
Location: Orlando

Justin clenched his teeth in agony. His hands were on each of her hips as she swayed to the rhythm of Sean Paul’s Gimme the light. His vision had been hazy and he’d been enjoying himself, sitting at the VIP lounge, watching her. He had been completely content in sitting there, having a few drinks, watching a few people dancing right outside their private VIP lounge. Justin was tired of the constant partying but his best friend wanted to do just that. Partying every night of the week and waking up regretting they each didn’t have that last drink. He knew that if his family and especially his mother knew that he’d picked up the lifestyle of a rock star, she’d be disappointed in him. But he was trying to help his best friend, his everything, cope with her present situation, heartbreak. In the end, he knew his mother would understand, at least he hoped.

Amanda dance just outside the VIP lounge, surrounded by a group of people who didn’t seem to care who he was, or opted to leave him alone. He knew the latter was the case because the women in the lounge kept eyeing him, whispering things to each other, and looking at him like they wanted to eat him up. The hat that came low on his head obviously didn’t hide who he was but he was glad they couldn’t see his eyes rolling when they gave him come hither looks. Eventually Amanda grew tired of dancing by herself and had gotten him off the couch, despite his protests.

That had been three songs earlier, and he was tired. Not physically tired, but tired of watching his hands, watching how close he got to her, keeping his body temperature normal. He cursed the person who’d created a Reggae Night, because he was in hell. Completely oblivious that Justin was in a physical constraint, Amanda shimmied and rubbed herself on him repeatedly.

“Hey Jo, I think we should take a break,” Justin said in her ear, ignoring the fact that although sweaty from dancing, he could still smell her intoxicating perfume. The one that she’d worn since forever and the one that drove him crazy since then.

“K, I’m going to the baño,” Amanda said with a smile. “I’ll be right back.”

“Lonnie will go with you.” Justin said signaling Lonnie, who stood at the entrance of the VIP lounge.

“Stop treating me like a child, Justin.” Amanda snapped. Justin’s apparent shock at her attitude went unnoticed. “I’m not, you know. I’m a woman.”

“Oh I know, believe me.” Justin said adjusting his jeans before he sat on the couch, taking his long forgotten drink, glad that it remained cold.

“What does that mean?” Amanda asked standing in front of him, hands on her hips, trying to remain upright, while her head spun.

“It means I agree that you are a woman. A woman who will have Lonnie waiting for her outside the bathroom or the baño, whichever language you choose,” Justin chuckled. “Trace isn’t here so I’m looking out for you a little extra tonight.”

“I have to pee.” Amanda said waving him off and pushing Lonnie to the side when she walked by, causing her side to be pinched by his enormous fingers as he followed her.

A few minutes later Amanda returned, only Lonnie was carrying her. Justin jolted out of the couch, surprising the three women who’d magically made their way to his couch.

“What happened?” he asked alarmed.

“She’s lazy.” Lonnie said with a chuckle. Amanda turned her head from Lonnie’s chest, a big grin on her face.

“That’s not funny, Jo.” Justin said as Lonnie put her down in front of him.

“I thought it was,” she laughed while pointing at his face. “You should have seen your face.”

“You’re beyond drunk cause you wouldn’t purposely do some shit like that while you’re sober.” Justin said shaking his head with a laugh as she stood in front of him making childish faces at him. “Don’t do that shit.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Amanda said brushing him off. “I really am drunk and I can’t wait to pass out. You ready?”

“You want to leave?” Justin asked surprised.

“Yeah.” Amanda said getting her purse from the couch.

“The wild child wants to leave?” Justin teased. “But I thought she liked getting drunk, dancing and passing out.”

“It’s getting old.” Amanda said followed by a burp. “Eww, that was gross.”

“You were throwing up weren’t you?” Justin continued to tease as they started heading toward Lonnie by the door.

“No.”

“Liar.” Justin said with a chuckle, finishing off his drink as he exited the lounge. Passing by the bar just outside the lounge, he placed three one hundred dollar bills on the bar along with his glass.

“I can’t wait to get home,” Amanda whined while resting her head on Justin’s arm as they walked toward the black Suburban waiting for them outside the club, Eric on the driver’s seat.

“Oh, here they come.” Lonnie said as a group of paparazzi crossed the street, realizing that Justin Timberlake had just exited the club.

“Great.” Justin said pushing Amanda into the car and jumping in right as the group of cameras began to flash.

“Fuckers!” Amanda said as they drove away.

“Don’t curse, Jo,”

“Shut up, homeboy,” she mumbled as she rested her head on his shoulder.

“Are we done, Jo?”

“Are we done what?”

“Are we done with this every night thing?”

“It hasn’t been every night, Justin,” she said softly. “I’m so drunk right now.”

“Practically every night.” Justin said with his eyes closed. “I’m a little intoxicated myself.”

“I know,” Amanda giggled.

“So?”

“So what?”

“Are you ready to talk now?”

“No.”

“Okay, that’s fine. But can you please say we are done partying for a while. I can’t keep up with you. I need at least a week to recover.” Justin grumbled.

“You’re a sorry excuse for a rock star, Justin.” Amanda slurred.

“You love me.” Justin stated followed by a yawn.

“I know.” Amanda said as she fell to sleep.

Two hours later Justin opened his eyes to darkness. Recognizing the large television screen, as his own, he slowly opened his eyes wider. He was lying on his couch, face down, body halfway off the plush sofa. After slowly crawling up onto the couch, he let his eyes adjust to the darkness. He still felt slightly dizzy from his drinking but he could clearly see Amanda on the other couch. Apparently, she hadn’t been able to hold her body up on the couch, because she was passed out on the floor. The picture made him smile and he knew he couldn’t miss the opportunity in front of him. Reaching for his cell phone in his jean pockets, he retrieved his cell phone. He hoped the flash on the device didn’t wake her up. The thought made him laugh softly because he knew she was passed out and wouldn’t wake. After snapping a few pictures from where he sat, he decided that they both needed to go to bed, where it would be more comfortable.

He was surprised at himself as he lifted her into his arms without stumbling. Knowing the floor plan of the house perfectly, he avoided turning on lights as he made his way upstairs. Thanking god that her room was on the second floor, he made his way inside. After gently placing her on the bed, he sat on the edge of it looking down at her. A few minutes passed before he decided he needed to go to his room before he snuggled up next to her uninvited.

Leaning down to kiss her forehead, he felt her stir. Inches from her face he watched her for a few seconds before her head lifted. Justin froze as her lips met his, a course of shockwaves coursed through his body. Her lips remained on his, her eyes closed and Justin didn’t know what to do. Unintentionally he moved his lips to speak, only they moved against hers and suddenly her arms were around his neck. Trying to move his lips to speak, to wake her up, he found himself softly kissing her. He knew she must have been asleep and she wouldn’t even remember in the morning but the feel of her lips on his were his undoing. He’d imagined what those perfect lips felt like for over a century.

Her lips were soft and he did everything in his power not to part them with his tongue. Amanda although asleep, didn’t think the way he did because her lips parted and her tongue traced his bottom lip making him grunt. He needed to stop her actions before he felt her tongue on his because if he did, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. He was in a state of shock; he couldn’t believe that she’d just kissed him. What was even more ego bashing was the fact that she was asleep. He felt like a complete idiot. He quickly removed her arms from around his neck, letting her head rest on her pillow.

“Amanda?” he said finding that his voice cracked with apprehension. When she grunted and turned over in sleep, he brushed her hair out of her face. “Jo?”

When he didn’t receive a response, he smiled sweetly down on her. Getting up from the edge of the bed, he made his way toward the door before closing it behind himself and heading to his room. Shaking his head as he walked, he laughed to himself.

“Only me, I swear. A kiss I’ve wanted all my life is given to me while she’s asleep. Only me.” Justin said rubbing his head, a smile that he couldn’t help on his lips. Although she had been asleep during the kiss, he couldn’t deny that he’d enjoyed every second of it. He frowned suddenly realizing that she had opened up floodgates that he had managed to keep at bay. In addition, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to look at her without wanting to kiss her. He’d been looking at her and wanting that for years but now that he got a glimpse into what it would be like to kiss her, he wished he hadn’t found out the way he did. Throwing himself on his bed, face down, he promised himself when he kissed her again; he was going to make sure she was wide-awake and willing.

--------------------
2:36pm

“Where’s Justin?” Amanda grumbled dragging herself into the kitchen, holding her head in pain.

“Rough night?” Trace asked from the opposite side of the kitchen island, a big plate of scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, and grits.

“My head hurts so bad,” Amanda whined. “How could you eat that shit, right now?”

“It’s not shit, it’s pretty fucking good, actually. Besides I didn’t get plastered last night so I have the stomach for this.”

“I need coffee.” Amanda said gagging at the sight of her cousin’s food.

“Justin’s not up yet so there isn’t any made.”

“You couldn’t make some, dirtball?” Amanda questioned, picking up the empty coffee pot from the counter next to the sink.

“I didn’t want any. Get your own shit.” Trace said with a shrug.

“Asshole.” Amanda mumbled as she prepared the coffee.

“Whatever,” Trace said throwing a piece of toast at her back.

“Eww.” Amanda said picking up the buttered toast and throwing it on the kitchen island. “Wipe this shit off me,” she said throwing a rag at Trace’s face.

“No,” Trace said throwing the rag back at her. “I ain’t your bitch.”

“Yes you are and whatever I don’t give a shit. When I sit on Justin’s white couch later and there’s butter all over the backrest, I’m telling him it was you.” she shrugged.

“Gimme the fuckin rag, Manda.” Trace said grabbing the rag and wiping the butter off her back. “Pain in the ass.”

“Thank you, so are you.” Amanda said with a smirk. “How was your date with Elisha?”

“It wasn’t a date, Manda. It’s called a booty call.” Trace said rolling his eyes at her.

“You’re so full of shit, dirtball!” she said with a raised brow as she poured herself a cup of coffee. “You like her.”

“Yeah I do, which is why I’m fucking her.”

“You’re so fucking disgusting.” Amanda cringed as she sipped the hot liquid.

“Stop cursing, Jo,” Justin said entering the kitchen, as happy as can be. Amanda looked at him and back at Trace in wonderment.

“What’s up your ass?” Amanda asked him.

“What do you mean?” Justin said pouring coffee into his mug and retrieving the sports section of the paper from the kitchen island.

“Did you get laid?” Trace questioned.

“What?!” Justin asked smacking Trace upside the head before he took a seat on his stool.

“You can’t seriously be this alive after last night.” Amanda said eyeing him.

“What about last night?” Justin asked her with a raised brow, a smirk on his face.

“You’re acting weird, homeboy.” Amanda said looking at him intently. “You did get laid!”

“No one got laid. I’m just in a good mood.” Justin said looking through his paper as he sipped his coffee careful not to burn his lips.

“I got laid.” Trace chuckled.

“It wasn’t Cameron was it?” Amanda cringed.

“No one got laid.” Justin repeated. “Shut up, T.”

“Then why do you have that look on your face?” Amanda questioned.

“What look?” Justin asked looking up at her then at Trace then back at Amanda.

“You know I see it too, Manda.” Trace said his finger on his lip in a thoughtful manner, as he stood next to Amanda to look at Justin.

“You two are on crack.” Justin laughed, continuing his scanning of the paper.

“He’s in love with someone very close to me,” Trace stated making Justin spit out the coffee he’d just taken into his mouth all over the front of Amanda.

“Oh good one, dirtball!” Amanda yelped, wiping the coffee from her shirt. “Justin doesn’t mess with your hoes. This is your shirt you keep fucking with, by the way.”

“Sorry, Jo.” Justin said giving Trace a finger as he watched him putting his dishes into the sink.

“Sorry ain’t gonna cut it, you know payback’s a bitch!” Amanda shrugged. “So enough jokes, who you love nowadays, Timberlake?”

“No one.” Justin said quickly, giving Trace wide eyes.

“Liar.” Amanda said putting her empty coffee mug in the sink. “Speaking of liars, I’ve decided something.”

“What?” Trace question wiping down the area he’d been eating in.

“You ready to talk, Jo?” Justin asked in a hopeful tone.

“I think, no I know, I want to do this.” Amanda said with a smile that reached her eyes for the first time in weeks. Leaning over on the kitchen island, she looked her best friend in the eyes with a cheesy smile. “Call Johnny, homeboy. Make me a star.”

Main - Next

Homeboy Memoirs ..... Track Nine Remixes Never Say Goodbye (Remix # 1)

I know I’ve told you this time and time again, but I’m not an alcoholic. Really I’m not. Don’t be rolling your eyes at me. Seriously, I’m not. I was going through a rough time. (So like my cousin says: Suck it!!)

What do you do when you break up with someone you’ve been with for just a measly year? When you thought things were great, (You know, when you can’t breathe without them. That kind of sappy crap.) and then suddenly it’s not. Do you go shopping? Do you get high? (Say No To Drugs) Do you drink? Do you get revenge? (Revenge is good, but don’t get too caught up in it.) Are you bitter? (Like Justin says: You should be better not bitter.) Well imagine breaking up with someone who you’d been with for thirteen years, then come talk to me about how to handle it. It’s a pretty tough place to be.

I know I might have not chosen the correct way of dealing with my emotions, but it was all I could come up with. (Although therapy would be your best option. Just for future reference.) I’m thankful that I was there only physically, partying and drinking every night, but not there with my mind. Does that make sense? (It does to me. So if you have a problem then… never mind) If I would have gotten caught up, I don’t think I would be here right now. I would be in some club, drinking my sorrows away, until this day. Anyway, while I was partying all night physically, my mind was somewhere else altogether. I couldn’t really tell you exactly where that was, but I can tell you it was somewhere where I didn’t feel betrayed. Somewhere where I was loved and taken care of. More specifically, somewhere where my best friends were all I needed to keep me happy. (Besides the Margaritas, Malibu and Cranberry, Lemon Drops, Rum and Coke, Jolly Ranchers and Grey Goose with Cranberry.)

It’s amusing to hear Justin’s side of things because I was so caught up in my changes (drunkenness) that I failed to notice how he’d changed (horniness) too. I didn’t realize that me sitting on his lap (which I’ve done plenty of times, still do) had been so torturous for him. I didn’t know that while I dance with him (I get down, baby!), he’d been avoiding touching me. I think I would have noticed these things if I wasn’t so caught up (drunk) in the fact that I was cheated on, another statistic of a failed relationship, another woman who’d loved and had gotten betrayed.

I know Lynn didn’t get into the details of me being drugged at the bar, but I want to talk about it. (At least what I remember about it.) These things happened everyday and it’s a scary thought. To think that you could be out minding your own business and someone slips you something makes me irate. I still can’t believe it happened to me. I was lucky to have Justin there because I did go out on my own some nights (When Trace was out with the trick of the week or when Justin had to work.) and I can’t imagine what would’ve happened. The thought that I could have ended up in some ditch raped, and battered not to mention dead, scares the hell out of me. I’ve learned not to play the ditching game with Sexual Chocolate. (That’s Justin’s security, but what the hell am I saying, you already knew that, didn’t you?) Like I said I’m so lucky and grateful that I had Justin there watching after me the whole time.

Isn’t Justin Timberlake the best? You’re pathetic do you know that? I know the only reason you’re putting up with me and haven’t exed out of this page is because you adore him. Don’t lie. I feel ya. I’d put up with myself too if it meant I got a glimpse into Justin Timberlake’s life. Don’t be calling me names cause I just got a little bitchy, either. I told you I was going to be straight up you and I can’t do that if I’m not myself. So do I think you’re pathetic for adoring my perfect specimen of a man? Yes. But I never said I wasn’t pathetic too. Wink.

You know if I hadn’t been so drunk (Roll your eyes if you want to. I don’t care.) I would have probably given myself to Justin. (At least sooner. Hater!!) I mean how many guys do you know have bodyguards protecting you? How many guys carry you to the bathroom so that you can relieve yourself of the alcohol you consumed? How many guys do you know make it a rule in life to love you? How many guys do you know that care whether you’re being ladylike for your own good? How many guys do you know give you a cute nickname and sticks with it for twenty some odd years? Not many, huh? Didn’t think so. Which is why I’m the luckiest girl in the world. Don’t hate.

Ohh the infamous first kiss. What can I say? Other than the fact that I don’t freaking remember. Isn’t that horrible? How could I have been asleep the first time I kissed Justin Timberlake? Justin-Every-healthy-woman-in-the-universe-wants-me-Timberlake kissed me and I was on cloud nine, passed the F out. Not so lucky that night, huh? I’ve since made up for that and he tends to still have jokes about it but screw it, I don’t care. I wish I could remember it though because he says it was the best kiss he’d ever had at that point. And anything Justin likes I like to give, ya know what I mean? Wink, wink. (Justin just walked by. I think he’s on the phone with his momma.)

Didn’t I tell you that I got my record deal in the oddest way? One phone call and I was on a flight to L.A. to sign my contract. Justin assured me that the contract was almost identical to his, although his had a lot more zeros at the end. But I didn’t need assurance, I trusted him then and I trust him now. So I got my shit together and went on a new adventure. I was going to record an album. Pretty amazing stuff, if you ask me. And even if you didn’t, you just got told.

I know I shouldn’t use this time to tell you about the endless clubs we went to but screw it. If you’re ever in New York and are of age I suggest 40/40 Club, Coyote Ugly (my favorite), Cheeta Club and Studio 54. If you’re ever in Los Angle-less (that’s what Justin calls it), you should check out Mood and Privilege (you need special invite for that one). In Vegas you most definitely need to check out Ghostbar and Rain at the Palms Hotel and Casino. Just a little suggestion for ya. You can take it or leave it. (Again cause I don’t care.)

Forgive me father for I have been a bitch this time.

I’m going to go harass the boys some more. Did I tell you that Nsync is here? Yay!! How many of you can say that? Not one.

I’m fully aware that I can be a bitch sometimes but you love me. (Stop rolling your eyes.)

So I’ll talk to you later.

Love, Jojo (Seriously, I got mad love fo’ ya)

---------------------------------------------

Always Say Hello (Remix # 2)

Wow. Someone was being a bitch with a capital B. Somehow ‘someone’ got on four guys’ nerves with her jokes about them and four Nsync members dunked ‘someone’ in the pool.

Pretty funny but I saved her so don’t worry.

Just to clarify. I’m not an alcoholic either. Yes, I party it up as much as the next person but I know my limits. (Most of the time)

Here are three ways this whole breakup-thing should have gone:

Option #1: What do you do when you break up with someone you’ve been with for thirteen years? Well you party with your best friend of course. You pretend that nothing is wrong with you. You drink and drink and drink some more after that. Then you ditch your security and get something slipped into your drink. Then you drink some more after that. Let’s not forget, you shake your (beautiful) ass on bar tops.

Option #2: What do you do when you break up with someone you’ve been with for thirteen years? You talk to your best friends. You tell them that you’re hurting. You tell them that you need some time to clear your head and heart. You let them hear you out. You cry your little heart out on their shoulders.

Option #3: What do you do when you break up with someone you’ve been with for thirteen years? You start to notice how your best friend looks at you. (How he’s always looked at you.) You take notice of how scared of touching you, your best friend is. You take notice that your best friend hasn’t had a girlfriend in a really, really, really, long time. (Dry spells are a bitch.) You would have noticed that you kissed him first. (You shouldn’t have been asleep. Period.) You would realize that your best friend is the love of your life.

You already know the option Jojo took. But in her defense (I do that a lot. Defend her.), I know I was in the wrong too. I could have changed every single one of those options to my advantage. For example: Option one, I could have said no to her requests to go out and made her talk to us. Which would have taken us to option two, right away. And then there was option three, which is basically my wishful thinking. She wasn’t going to notice any of that. Who was I trying to kid? Yeah I know, myself.

I’m glad to hear that my ‘side’ of things is amusing. Really amazing how she still laughs in my face about my fears. Really great to have that kind of respect from your girl, isn't it? Do you respect me? Also I don’t really like my love for her to be classified as horniness. Is that even a damn word? Up until the age of nineteen I tried not to look at her sexually. I really did. Really hard. But then I just told myself that I loved her, and it wasn’t like I started loving her when I realized she had a fat ass. I loved her when she was covered in dirt when we were kids. I loved her when her hair was in a big hot mess. So by the time we were both twenty-four and single, I was ready to jump her bones. (I’m such a pig.) She’s so fucking hot with her bangin ass body and those eyes that make me melt and get hard at the same time. I’m just glad she was too drunk to feel my stuff press up on her when she sat on my lap that night. If she did she still hasn’t mentioned anything to me. She’s felt it eventually, though I can tell you that much.

I’m not even going to get into the Vegas night with the Ecstasy bullshit. I refuse to. It will never, ever, ever happen again. I will commit murder in a blink of an eye. Go ahead try to hurt her. I dare you.

And please don’t think you’re pathetic for being a fan of mine. She’s just pissed right now cause the guys are on her case. I mean, I keep telling her to leave them alone but she won’t listen. But anyway, yeah, don’t think you’re pathetic. I love you guys too. Wink. (I don’t actually wink that much, by the way.)

I was just on the phone with my momma. She says hello to you, by the way. I was telling her that we were up to the part were Jojo kissed me. She finds it amusing, interesting enough. I told her about it, leaving out the fact that I was sort of drunk too, of course. She didn’t like the fat that Jojo had been drunk but she had been so happy for me. You know why? Because I was a happy fool. And guess what? When I’m happy, everyone is happy. I’m deeply loved.

Just to feed your curiosity, it was only ONE more zero in my contract. That was just because I was expected to have large sales. Jive Records pays in advance, baby!! Which kind of sucks, when you think about it. Cause the more money there is on the table the more pressure there is to make more of it. Get me? No? Okay well I confused myself there for a minute too so don’t feel bad.

Forgive me father for I have sinned. I just peeked in the bathroom where Jo is taking a shower. Yum. I think I’m done here. For now. I am in desperate need of a shower myself.

And Jojo you’re wrong. I’m the luckiest GUY in the world. I have you. (Naked in the shower.)

You know the drill.

This is The Orgasm Donor signing out.

-------------------------------------------------

Don’t Say Hello Or Goodbye, Just Keep Fucking Walking (Remix #3)

The orgasm donor? He got that shit from me. I ain’t lying. I just donated multiple ones a few minutes ago if you really want to know.

You know if Justin wasn’t my boy I’d kick his ass for making sexual innuendos about Manda. But he’s my boy and so it’s cool. Did I mention that I just got one off? Damn that was good. If things (sex) keep going the way it’s been going (fucking great!!) for the past couple of months with Elisha, I might have to keep her. She’s good. But hell don’t fucking tell her I said that. I’m drunk.

What the fuck? I think I just heard a moan coming from the bathroom upstairs. That’s fucking gross. That’s my cousin. I think I might reconsider this shit. I am definitely kicking his ass. He’s taking this whole orgasm-donating thing too far. I don’t want to hear that shit. They should learn to close doors. No fuck it, they should both be virgins.

Hold on I have to close that bedroom door.

I’m back and officially sober.

These fucking friends of mine.

I’m gonna kill’em.

You got punk’d!!! You think we’re really gonna leave the door open while we have sex? Think again, dirtball!! We’ve been done. You should have seen your face though. Priceless!!!

Shut up. Go away, so that I can finish this shit that I’m being forced into. No jodas mas!! (Translation: Stop fucking around!!)

Sorry about that. Manda can be extremely mature sometimes. (Insert sarcasm here) She’s gone now though so I can continue.

Did I mention that I’m sober now? Do you know that it means that I now have to go back to the game room, where everyone is hanging out, and drink ten more beers? Life sucks doesn’t it? I swear revenge is mine. For real. Wait till Elisha is done taking a shower in the guestroom. I’m gonna fuck her so hard the whole world is gonna hear it. Wait. I already did that tonight. Twice. Third time’s the charm though, and so they say.

Here comes the proclaimed donor himself.

What’s going on sexy? Yeah I’m talking to you. I’m done laughing about Trace’s face as he closed our door while we stood just inside the bathroom watching him. I’m done. I swear. For real. Stop laughing, you’re gonna make me laugh. He’s getting really pissed now. For real, STOP!!! Anyway, I just came on here real quick to tell you that Trace took an hour to get to the computer. So don’t be thinking that I was quick, if you know what I mean. This is what I hate about literature; there really isn’t any sense of real time. And FYI, I just donated three, baby!! Three. Uno. Dos. Tres. Hey, that’s Trace’s name!! Okay I’m gone I’m taking up Trace’s time. You should have seen his face it was… never mind.
Okay so my buzz is gone. My girl is taking a shower. Wait. Did I say, my girl? Son of a bitch. This is fucking incredible. How the fuck did this creep up on me? Fuck!!! Whoever invented this shit should go to hell. Right now. Get moving. Starts in an L ends in an E. You know what I’m talking about. If you see that shit, kick its ass for me. Damnit the hell.

I need a drink. Bad. I can’t believe I just got hit.

I think I’m going to die.

Something is happening.

Holy shit!! What’s happening?

I think I might still be drunk. I gotta get out of here.

Peace and Lo… oh hell no!!

Just Peace!!

Main - Next

Homeboy Memoirs Track Ten (Weak)

June 2005
Shelby Forest, Tennessee
4am

It had been two long exhausting months since she’d been able to relax. Her life had been shaken first by the betrayal of her boyfriend then shaken up entirely in a different way; by the world she’d opted to become part of. The world that she’d only seen through the eyes of her best friend. The world of musicians.

She’d been on the telephone with her now co-manager, Johnny Wright, for what seemed like an eternety before he’d sent her life in a spinning rollercoaster. For an entire month, she didn’t know what the outside world looked like. She was going from studio to studio almost everyday, recording bits and pieces to songs; she didn’t know she possessed the ability to write.

The entire experience was overwhelming yet it was everything she’d imagine it would be. Watching her best friend do exactly the same thing for so long hadn’t come close to actually doing what he did. She admired her best friend even more now that she knew first hand what the process of becoming a star entitled.

She learned to become proud of herself and her ability to sit with her best friend and explored the endless possibilities for a song. However, she was proud of her best friends the most. Her best friends who put their lives on hold to be by her side, to become her mentors through the process.

Justin was the one that stayed in the studio all night with her. He was the one that painted scenarios for her to base songs out of. He was the one that coached her through rough notes in a song that she wrote, yet couldn’t sing properly. He was her teacher, her role model.

Trace had been the one at her disposal. The one that she could call in the middle of the night just to tell him how awesome she thought recording an album was. He was the one that brought her coffee or food whenever she so much as thought she wanted some. He was there to serve her, yet making her laugh when he complained about her constant abuse.

Two months of none stop work was about all she could have taken though and after those endless days, a trip home offered by Justin was what the doctor ordered in her book.

As she walked next to Lonnie, breathing in the Tennessee air she felt completely relaxed. The airport was eerily quiet as they entered but that had been the plan from the beginning. Arriving on a private plane in the middle of the day at Memphis International Airport wasn’t something Justin enjoyed. The constant arrivals of private jets containing country music artists, tipped off paparazzi he didn’t want to deal with. The weekend was for her, he’d said and having a thousand cameras in his face would surely ruin the weekend.

“Have I mentioned that I’m tired?” Amanda asked Lonnie as they walked toward the front entrance of the airport, where Mike waited with a car.

“Have I told you to be quiet fifty million times?” Justin asked from the other side of her.

“Have I mentioned to you, Lonnie, that Justin is being a prick?” Amanda asked Lonnie with a grin.

“You have mentioned that actually,” Lonnie chuckled.

“You’re not supposed to be talking to her,” Justin warned Lonnie with an evil glare. “Traitor.”

“Have I mentioned that,”

“I swear to God, Jo. If you don’t shut up I’m getting on that plane and you can forget about this weekend.” Justin said as they walked toward the awaiting SUV.

“How can I forget something I don’t know anything about, genius?” Amanda said smacking Justin upside the head as she climbed onto the large vehicle.

“Speaking of geniuses, that wasn’t so smart. I’m not accustomed to hitting girls but I can hit you and I will,” Justin said while reaching over Lonnie’s shoulder to smack her on the head.

“Ohh you’re paying for that, homeboy.” Amanda promised as she leaned over to the front of the car to slide a cd into the car’s stereo system. “Hey Mike, have I mentioned that I recorded an album?”

“Half an album,” Justin volunteered from the back of the darkened vehicle.

“It’s almost done, Mike. Don’t listen to butthead back there,” Amanda said with a wave of her hand, as the car started moving.

“What did you just put in my stereo?” Mike asked eyeing her through the rearview mirror.

“That’s my stereo, by the way.” Justin said from the back, where he laid across the seat, eyes closed.

“Skip to track four I keep hearing this voice speaking from out of nowhere,” Amanda joked. “It needs to shut the hell up.”

“Don’t do it, Mike!” Justin said from the back. “If I have to hear that song one more time I’ll have to kill myself.”

“Play it, Mike,” both Lonnie and Amanda said in unison causing them to burst into a fit of giggles.

“You play that song, you’re fired, Mike,” Justin said with authority.

“Don’t listen to him, Mike. You can work for me. Play the song,” Amanda said with a laugh after giving Justin a smirk.

“I pay better, Mike,” Justin said now sitting upright, deciding that a nap during the ride home wasn’t happening.

“These two are quite chipper, aren’t they?” Mike asked Lonnie, who’d chosen to lean his head against the passenger door’s window for a nap.

“It’s the time zones. Messes with their heads,” Lonnie said with a chuckle.

“I’m not chipper, I’m annoyed,” Justin said.

“Ahh, who’s annoying you, Justin?” Amanda asked with a smirk only to receive a bored look from Justin.

“Oh god,” Justin said covering his ears as Mike turned the volume up on the stereo and Weak from SWV started playing.

“You know it’s funny that you’re finding this song annoying since you were the one that suggested I redo it, Einstein!”

“I said redo the song not burn it into my skull, Jo. I can sing and play every single key on that thing.”

“Good, cause you’re producing it.” Amanda said with a laugh.

“Boy it’s something I can’t explainnnnnnnn,” Justin sang off key causing the group to laugh, “It’s too early for that shit, or late or whatever.”

“Tell me what we are doing this weekend and I’ll stop annoying you with this song,” Amanda said kneeling on her seat to face him.

“It’s a surprise, Jo,” Justin said for the hundredth time since they’d boarded in Los Angeles.

“There’s not much to do in Shelby, Justin,” Amanda said with a yawn.

“Are you really that curious or is your need to annoy me based on another reason?” Justin asked with a raised brow.

“Oh no strictly cause I’m curious,” she laughed.

“Put it this way, Jo. You’ll remember this trip,” Justin said with a yawn of his own.

“I remember every trip, homeboy,”

“So then this one shouldn’t be any different,” Justin shrugged. “God, I can’t wait to go to bed.”

“Me either,” Amanda said stretching. “You think we should have gotten some sleep before leaving the studio after twelve hours?”

“Thirteen,” added Lonnie from the front seat. “Now shut up and go to sleep. Both of you.”

“You’re fired,” Justin said causing Amanda to chuckle lightly before she lay on her seat.

----------------------------

Next Day
3pm

Amanda was reading the local paper when Justin came into the kitchen grumbling something incoherent. Looking up as he entered she smiled at his tired looking face before speaking. “Good morning, sunshine!”

“How the fuck are you up so early?” Justin said walking further into the kitchen only to receive a glare from his mother, who sat by the kitchen island enjoying a cup of coffee.

“Don’t curse, Justin,” Amanda mocked. “And it’s three in the afternoon, homeboy.”

“I know that, superstar. I’m wearing a watch,” Justin said waving his watch in her face before softly taking a long strand of hair and softly running his finger through the length of it. The gesture took Amanda by surprise but she continued reading her paper like it didn’t happen. “Got some cereal for me, momma?”

“You know you’re too grown to be having your momma serve you breakfast,” Amanda commented, eyes remaining on the sports section of the paper.

“And you’re too young to be in grown folks business,” Justin mocked as his mother placed a bowl of cereal in front of him. “What are you doing over here anyway? What part of don’t call me I’ll call you, didn’t you understand?”

“Are you two going to get along this weekend? Because frankly I’m scared to leave.” Lynn said with a chuckle.

“Oh your son should be scared, Aunt Lynn. You should have no worries. You and mom have a wonderful time. I’ll be fine,” Amanda said sweetly.

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Lynn said with a laugh grabbing her purse from the counter. “Call me if you need me,” she said to Justin before placing a kiss on his forehead.

“I won’t,” Justin said only to receive a smack on the head from his mother.

“Try not to kill him, Amanda. Have fun,” Lynn said before kissing her forehead as well.

“I’ll try,” Amanda joked. “No promises, though.”

“Whatever,” Justin said finishing off his bowl of cereal.

“Had enough, you pig?” Amanda asked as Lynn walked out of the kitchen and outside to meet with her own mother.

“No,” Justin said wiping his mouth with the back of his hand to annoy her.

“Eww,” Amanda said with a scrunched up nose.

“Go do you hair so we can go,” Justin ordered.

“What do you mean, go do my hair? What’s wrong with my hair?” Amanda asked running her fingers through her perfect hair. Looking up at Justin who sat across the table, she noticed the grin on his face. “You’re so lucky I love you. For real.”

“I can’t help that. It’s just the way it is,” Justin laughed as she stood and left the kitchen. Following her out the door he noticed, she’d grabbed a cd from the table in the foyer. “Oh hell no, you are not playing that all day!!”

“And that cd player of yours in the ONLY car you have to use this weekend keeps getting jammed. It’s a shame!” she laughed as she ran toward the blue jeep.

“Come on, Jo!! I can’t hear this song again,” Justin said closing the house door behind him. “I’ll give you a thousand bucks.”

“Ohh come on, superstar. You can do better than that.” Amanda said as she climbed into the car. “A million and we call it a deal.”

“Ha!” Justin laughed sarcastically. “Funny.”

“Deal or no deal?”

“No deal.”

“Jamming the cd player it is.” Amanda said trying to insert the cd into the slot around Justin’s hand.

“You know what? Go ahead. Put it in.” Justin said with an evil smile on his face that Amanda didn’t notice as she skipped to track four on the disk. After a few attempts to play the song, the cd player jammed and wouldn’t spit out the cd or play it. The cd player was dead. “I told you not to play it.”

“Ohh, you’re good. You played me.”

“Yeah well at least the cd isn’t,” Justin laughed as he started the jeep and headed toward their first destination.

-----------------------

Shelby Forest Community Pool

“Are you sure we won’t get in trouble?” Amanda asked again as they walked toward the gated pool.

“No faith in me?” Justin questioned as they got closer to the pool.

“Of course I do, I just didn’t think you’d have access to this place.” Amanda said with a shrug.

“I have connection, Jo. You out of anyone, except for many Trace, should know that,” Justin said as he swung the usually locked gate opened for her. “Now I just hope that no one decides to come to the pool today.”

“It’s ninety-eight degrees outside, Justin. I don’t think this is a good idea. It was really sweet of you to take me to all our childhood hangouts, but I think the pool is out of the question,” Amanda said standing outside the gate he’d walked through.

“Just relax, Amanda. I asked to have the pool closed just for us. It’s not going to be a problem, trust me.” Justin said pulling her with him toward the pool. “There’s a suit for you in the jeep, unless you want to go ol’school and jump in with clothes.”

“I never jumped in with clothes on, you and Trace were the morons.” Amanda chuckled.

“Do you want the suit or not?” Justin said with a smirk.

“You didn’t bring a tricks bathing suit for me, did you?” Amanda said eyeing him with a disgusted look on her face.

“I don’t date tricks, Amanda. And I also don’t keep their bathing suits. There’s a new one in the bag on the back seat.

“How did you know what size to get?” Amanda questioned with a raised brow.

“Easy.”

“Easy? Explain, cause I’m half white but I’m also half puertoriquen so there’s a bit more on me to fill out a bathing suit.” Amanda chuckled.

“Jo, I’ve known your size since puberty,” Justin said with a wink. “I’ll go get it.”

“Oh really? Sometimes I really think you’re gay. Seriously.”

“I’m not gay, far from it as a matter of fact. I’m just a natural pimp, homegirl,” Justin said with a laugh as he headed toward the jeep.

After an hour of chasing each other in the pool like they did when they were kids, they decided to call it quits. Amanda raised herself onto the edge of the pool, her legs swinging gently in the water. Justin relaxed in an inflatable lounge chair, eyes closed as the sun beamed down on both of them.

“I talked to Jeremy yesterday,” Amanda suddenly reveals quietly.

“You did?” Justin asked shocked.

“I called him,” Amanda said softly. “I hate him, Justin.”

“What did he do to you, Jo?” Justin asked knowing what the cause of their break-up was. Wanting to hear it from her, he asked again. “What happened between you two?”

“I know you already know, Justin. You don’t have to pretend,” Amanda said with a smile. “I also heard about what Trace did to him. Have I mentioned I love my cousin?”

“It wasn’t as entertaining as you might think. I’ve never see Trace’s eyes look the way they did. It was pretty scary.”

“I wish I could have been there anyway,” Amanda chuckled.

“Why are you so scared to talk about how you’re feeling about the situation, Jo?” Justin asked sitting upright on the chair, careful not to turn over.

“That’s the thing, Justin. I don’t know. Why doesn’t it hurt? Why can’t I cry? Why is my anger toward him stronger than my love for him? I’m angry at myself for not feeling pain. Do you understand me? Because I can’t figure it out. I’ve tried and tried and I can’t do it. Why am I not hurting like you did with Britney?”

“I’m sorry, Jo, but I don’t know. Maybe you need more time to deal. My situation with Britney was terrible and I don’t wish it on anyone. I certainly don’t want you to feel it,” Justin said softly. “Maybe this is God’s way of helping you out. You’re a good person and maybe he doesn’t want you to feel pain. Maybe it’s a blessing, Jo.”

“That’s a good way of looking at it,” Amanda smiled. Splashing her legs a little, she laughed when Justin fell in the water from the movement. “Change of subject!”

“Thanks a lot, Jo. I was getting sympathetical and stuff,” Justin said when he resurfaced.
 

“Is that even a word?” Amanda laughed. After a few laughs, including words they’d made up during their younger years, Amanda smiled down at her friend. “Thank you for bringing me here, Justin,” Amanda said with a sigh. “It was fun.”

“This is your home, Amanda. I didn’t necessarily bring you here. We belong here. We always will.” Justin said opening his eyes to look at her.

“Thank you anyway. I needed this. A lot,” Amanda chuckled. “Are you going to tell me why Trace decided not to come at the last minute?”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Jo,” Justin said.

“Why not? He seemed pretty pissed off at you at the studio. It’s not like him, ya know.”

“He’ll be alright,” Justin said with a shrug.

“What happened? One minute you two are in a room talking then he’s leaving pissed off. Did you say something to him about Elisha again?”

“No, if he wants to keep playing with her feelings to protect his, then that’s on him, he’s a grown man.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing,” Justin said splashing water on his face.

“Liar. Something did happen. Tell me.”

“We just had a disagreement about something, Jo. No big deal. Can we change the subject? We’re supposed to be relaxing no talking about problems.”

“So there is a problem,” Amanda smirked. “What did you argue about?”

“We had a disagreement not an argument.”

“Just tell me, Justin,” Amanda said splashing water on his chest with her leg.

“He gave me an ultimatum.”

“About what?”

“Nothing.” Justin said avoiding the conversation.

“Bullshitter!”

“It’s nothing, Jo. Let it go,” Justin said splashing water at her white bikini top.

“So what exactly did he say?” Amanda asked not letting the subject rest.

“You’re still a pain in the ass, do you know that?” Justin said with a laugh.

“Yes, I do. Now tell me.”

“He basically said that I needed to grow up, bare it and say what I wanted to say. That or he would do it for me.” Justin said swimming under the water toward the other end of the pool. Coming up at the other end of the pool he was surprised to find Amanda sitting on the other end waiting for him. “Damn!!”

“I ran track for a couple years, Justin. I’m quick,” Amanda said splashing water with her legs. “So what is it that you have to grow up about, bare and say?”

“Do you remember the day that the pool first opened after it was remodeled?” Justin asked looking up at her.

“Umm, yeah. But you’re changing the subject, Justin.”

“So you remember that you had a cold and your mom didn’t let you come with us?”

“Yeah, I was so jealous that you and Trace were allowed to go,” Amanda chuckled. “You’re avoiding the real issue here.”

“You were pretty upset because we’d spent an entire month waiting for the construction to be over. Day after day we would stand across the street watching the men pour the concrete. It was a really long summer. But finally I remember it like it was yesterday. There was a huge banner hanging across the fence. I believe it said grand opening tomorrow. Anyway, I remember being so excited. Do you know why?”

“You were avoiding the topic?”

“Because you were miserable when the pool closed down. And when you and I were walking home from the ice cream parlor, with my mom and Paul, we saw that banner. You were so happy, do you remember that?”

“Yes,” Amanda said with a smile as she remembered. “You’re doing a really good job avoiding the subject here, Justin. But continue with your story.”

“I don’t expect you to remember but do you remember what you said to me?” Justin asked lifting himself out of the water to sit next to her with his legs in the water.

“I do remember,” Amanda said with a smile. “How do you remember all that? With that big head of yours, I guess you have a lot of memories too.”

“Do you remember what you said?” Justin asked again.

“I said that I was the happiest girl in the world. I had the pool back and I had you. I might have said I loved you too, I think.” Amanda chuckled.

“It was the first time you said it,” Justin stated getting up from the side of the pool. “Let’s go to the shade over there,” Justin said as he walked toward lounge chair on the other side of the pool, where a large tree provided a shade.

“Really? Why are you reminiscing about that?” Amanda asked with a raised brow as she followed him. Justin opted to stand over by the fence, his back turned toward her, while she stood there staring at him.

“That’s my ultimatum, Jo,” Justin said after a few minutes of silence.

“You have to say you love me?” Amanda chuckled. “That’s dumb, you tell me all the time. Even when you’re pushing me around. I’m not buying it. What really went down with Trace?”

“I’m telling you the truth, Jo,” Justin said turning to face her. A look of complete distress adorned his features as he looked at her. “Trace is pissed off because I’m scared to tell you how I feel.”

“How you feel about what?” Amanda chuckled, yet a terrifying look on her face as she looked at him.

“How I feel about you. How I’ve felt about you for years. How I still feel about you.” Justin said softly as he looked at her from where he stood by the fence.

“What?” Amanda asked all laughter drained from her being as she began to panic. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

“I’ve never been more serious about anything,” Justin said looking up at the sky, trying to ignore the sound of his heart as it beat against his chest. Feeling like he was going to suffocate, he spoke the words he’s wanted to speak all his life. “I love you, Jo.”

“What?” Amanda whispered as she backed away from him.

“Jesus!! I didn’t want to tell you this way. I didn’t think I’d have to tell you at a pool out of all places. I wish I could have planned this better. I wish you’d stop looking at me that way. Say something, Jo.” Justin begged. “I know this is probably not the type of relaxed weekend you wished for but I can’t keep this bottled up inside anymore. It’s killing me to love you this much, Jo. It hurts.”

“You wish you could have planned it better?” Amanda asked angrily. “You wish you could have planned a better way to tell me this? IS THERE SUCH A THING?!! What have you done, Justin? What are you doing right now?”

“I need you to know how I feel. You don’t have to say that you love me, I’m okay with that.” Justin said as a solitary tear slipped down his cheek before he wiped it off quickly.

“YOU’RE OKAY WITH THAT!! Do you hear yourself right now? Do you realize what you’ve done?” Amanda said as she back away from him further. “Jesus!! You’ve ruined us.”

“What?!” Justin asked shocked at her words. “What we have as friends is beyond how I may feel about you, Amanda. I’m not trying to ruin anything between us.  I just needed you to know that I love,”

“SHUT UP!! DO NOT SAY THOSE WORDS TO ME!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?” Amanda said as tears started flowing down her cheeks. Her chest ached from the pain that she felt as she literally saw their friendship disappear before her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Jo. Please don’t cry,” Justin said walking toward her to embrace her.

“Don’t …you…dare…touch…ME!!” Amanda said in between her sobbing. “Don’t touch me!!!”

“I’m not trying to hurt you. Don’t you understand that? I would never hurt you,” Justin said as tears threatened to spill from his eyes.

“You already did, Justin. I don’t know you,” Amanda said looking up at him, venom in her voice. “Right now I wish I never met you. I wish for my life to start over so that I could live in complete ignorance of who you are.”

“You don’t mean that, Jo,” Justin said with a hurt expression on his face. “You can’t mean that. You can’t write me off like this. I can see it in your eyes; please don’t leave me, Amanda. You’re all I have.”

“You were all I had too, until you killed every good thing about us. You’ve ruined everything, Justin. I hate you for making me feel this way. Stay away from me.” Amanda said roughly wiping at her face.

“What?” Justin asked chocked up from his tears.

“I would wish that I’d never see you again, but I know that’s nearly impossible,” Amanda said angrily. “You’ve succeeded in making me both the happiest girl in the world and the saddest. You should be proud of yourself. I understand why hating someone is so easy now. Thank you.” Amanda said as she grabbed her shorts from the duffle bag on the picnic table by the gate, before walking out toward the street and disappearing behind the large trees in front of the pool.

“Oh God, what have I done?” Justin said looking toward the sky as tears fell from him eyes. “What did I do?”
 

 
 

Main-Next

Homeboy Memoirs Weak (Remix #1)

Oh the drama!! How do you feel about me now? Are you calling me all kinds of names? You and I both know that you are. It’s understandable, because I know what it’s like to love this man. Anything that hurts him hurts me just as much, if not more. So when you’re angry at me for what you just found out, I understand. I truly do.

I’ve made a point to talk to you in an orderly fashion (at least I’ve tried), so let’s talk about my album some. The hard work I put into it and the hard work everyone involved put in as well.

I spent two months of my life doing something that I didn’t now I longed. I mean, I knew I could sing, don’t get me wrong, but it wasn’t something I wanted to take to the extreme I’ve taken it too.  Growing up I always had my mother whispering her praises about my voice to me. I took them with a grain of salt because I didn’t think it was something I wanted to do.

My inspirations for careers ranged from one thing to another, when I was a kid. I remember wanting to be a pool man when I was eight (I loved the pool). That was right after wanting to own a WNBA team but then you already knew that one. And then I wanted to be an accountant because I believed I could manage money (I had twenty whole dollars saved, which made me a good candidate.)

So anyway, becoming a singer wasn’t anything I wanted, really. As I got older and Justin started twinkling around with music, I enjoyed listening to him more than I liked singing. Which in turn made me a fan of his music, not so much my own. Yeah I know, it’s pathetic but if you truly knew how I feel about this man, you’d understand.

We had some good sessions in the studio, Justin and I. We could spend hours upon hours and not realize that it was the next day. I have a laptop full of ideas and hooks that are yet to be released because of those sessions. And someday I may share them with you.

At that point, when Justin dropped the bomb on me, we hadn’t even finished the album. Jive was so anxious to get someone new out there for you guys that it was like a hasty situation. Justin wouldn’t have that, though. He made a few phone calls, got a hold of all the right people to come work with me. Only the best, he kept saying, while deep inside I knew that no one would be better than he was. I went along with it though, and although it really was rushed, I think the album turned out just the way I wanted and not some uptight big wig at the label. (No puppet on a string bullshit) Justin made sure my contract indicated that I had full control in the music that I wanted to create, leaving the releasing part to the experts. Justin made sure everything was up to par; after all, he is my co-manager. He always has my back.

Trace had my back too and I will forever love him for that. He’s my blood, my family, my heart. Looking back now, I appreciate all that he did while I recorded my album. I mean you name it, he did it. He even went as far as getting me feminine products because I didn’t have time to run to the store. Anything I needed, he got for me. And on top of catering to me, he had his own career to take care of as well, catering to Justin. He’s good at what he does, so please have respect for him. I know many of you think he’s basically Justin’s bitch. And in our like triangular world, he is, BUT he is very professional and does a great job. Anyone in the music industry or any industry for that matter would be privileged to have him work for them. For real.

And that folks is the epitome of ass kissing. I love those boys!! You ask why? (Why I’m kissing their ass, not why I love them, by the way.) Well things are about to get really f’ed up and while you enjoy hearing about our life, we have to relive it as we tell it to Lynn. Trust me when I say that Justin, Trace and I MUST really love each other because the things that took place aren’t pretty. We shouldn’t even be friends, right now. But I’m in love with one of them and the other is my cousin, who I love too, so ya know.

So you see how I’ve managed to distract you from the matters at hand. Did I do a good job? I think so. Anyway, what do you want to know? Did Lynn do a good job telling that part of our lives to you? I think she may have. Was it a little rushed and sudden? Yes, I believe so.

I would have liked to have heard about the other place, Justin and I went to that day, besides the pool. I mean I was there obviously but I would have liked for you two know that Justin took me to have breakfast at the Shelby Forest diner. It was our favorite place to go (when you live in a town like Shelby Forest, everywhere is a favorite because there’s only one) for breakfast when we were kids. Although he’d shoved a bowl of cereal down his throat that day, he managed to eat three scrambled eggs, grits, bacon and three sides of toast. Where does he put it? Seriously, I don’t know. And why do I remember what he ordered? I had my strawberry topped pancakes that till this day I still make sure to have every time we are home. It was a nice gesture of him to take me there because I was really tired and being surrounded by memories was relaxing. The place was nearly empty when we got there and luckily none of the neighborhood kids had shown up. So it was a nice breakfast, although it was almost four o’clock when we ate it.

But then he took me to the pool and that wasn’t so nice.

You might be searching for websites as we speak so you can go learn how to created a bomb and ship it to me. But work with me here. I mean one minute we are being the best of friends and the next he’s declaring his LOVE for me? Shit doesn’t register correctly when you’re put on the spot. Twenty-three years of my life flushed in front of my own eyes.

Yes, I realize I may have been a little dramatic and I may have overreacted. Okay a lot dramatic and way overreacted, but come on. What exactly does someone, especially a clueless someone, do when their best friend tells them that they love them? If there was a course on handling this in high school or college, I clearly missed it. I must have been out somewhere with the asshole, making out or something.

So there I was, enjoying my day with my best friend, Justin Timberlake. I’m thinking I’m the luckiest girl in the world. I had two best friends that I adored. An awesome family. A new career in music. An ex-boyfriend whom I didn’t miss quite like I should have, a blessing from God, as Justin said. And instead I was being se up.

Sure I had all those things going on in my life. But I was missing that one itty bitty part. Heartache.

In my head I was flipping out, similar to how I reacted. I kept thinking that I must have been having a crazy off the wall nightmare. Because my best friend in the whole world was not telling me that he was in love with me. It wasn’t possible that he was saying that to me in real life because, well just because. He wasn’t supposed to love me, like that. We were supposed to be friends forever. He wasn’t supposed to know my size. He wasn’t supposed to caress my hair lovingly. He just could not be saying what he was saying. It was some kind of an unwritten rule.

And in my heart I was saying…… well Lynn will get to that. (Don’t be mad.)

I think that about covers everything I wanted you to know, for now. I have to go take Jonathan (Justin’s brother, he’s visiting with us) to the store for some playstation game or something.

Oh by the way, it’s been about a week since I last talked to ya. I know it’s hard to tell when you’re reading but we all have careers to tend to besides sitting here and telling you our life story. (I promise that wasn’t said with an attitude, it just seemed that way.) So Lynn took a few days off but now she’s back and she’s looking forward to delivering good word to ya.

Justin should be up in a while; he’s making Jonathan a list of crap to get for him. Boys! I’ll talk to ya lata.

Trace should be around here somewhere. Apparently he’s trying to break things off with Elisha and it’s not working. She’s so not trying to let him go. Funny stuff!

Nos Vemos
 

Weaker (Remix #2)

You can’t tell but I have a really big smile on my face because I’m happy. Wanna know why? Because I haven’t talked to you in a week and I missed you. Did you miss me? I understand that you probably didn’t get a chance to miss me being that I’m just a couple of words to you, but I just want you to know that I missed you. I really did.

(Now THAT was the epitome of ass kissing.)

I’m gonna need all the love I can get from you now because I’m not so sure I’ll get it later. And like I said before, I like you and I wouldn’t want our relationship to suffer.

So we are talking about THE day aren’t we? Let’s not, right now. Let’s chat about something else.

Let’s chat abut the fact that she had money cause she used all of ours. Trace, me and the other guy (you know who I’m talking about) used to sit and watch her eat ice cream countless times cause we didn’t have enough money to get her one and ourselves one. I would have hated to see who she would have ended up being an accountant for. For real.

Trace is your heart? Seriously? That hurts. When did that happen?

Ohh man, Jo started talking about the Shelby Forest Diner and now I want to hop on a plane and go have breakfast. Having that simple breakfast is what I like to call living the simple life. I can always count on going home and escaping the real world that I live in. The real world in which cameras start flashing, the moment I leave my house. The real world, in which I can’t go to a diner and have a nice humble breakfast without it being in the tabloids, claiming I’m broke. Going to the Shelby Forest Diner is a perk in my life and knowing what I now about the business, I figure taking Jo to all the places that she takes for granted, was a treat.

I learned not to take those places that I love, my real home, for granted because once I left it, it became a novelty. It’s refreshing and relaxing to go home to the same old neighbors, the same people that still look at me as though I’m just another person in town. Another person who moved away but has come to visit, Lynn’s son, in town. That is what I love the most. Now don’t get me wrong, I love what I do. I love entertaining you. Believe that. But one thing I always say that just doesn’t sit well with me is the obsessive popularity. I can do without having ten blacked out SUVs in front of my gates. I could stand walking down Rodeo Drive and picking up jewelry for my mother and girlfriend, without it being on the next episode of Access Hollywood. But that’s just wishful thinking in my part. I know that being able to do what I do requires sacrifices. And if my sacrifice to be able to entertain you is to have my mug on magazines and on gossip TV, then so be it. I love what I do. We, as entertainers, love what we do. If we didn’t, you wouldn’t know who the hell Justin Timberlake was. Imagine that. No Justin Timberlake. No Amanda Reyes. No Trace Ayala. (He’s a celebrity in his own right) No you, really because without each other we wouldn’t be here, would we? Think about it.

I’m guessing the time has come, huh? The moment on this remix where I have to tell you about my confession. I’m also guessing I don’t have a choice. So here it goes.

I fucked up.

I got in this huge ‘disagreement’ with Trace and I don’t like being angry with Trace. I don’t like having him being angry with me. So what do I do? I say what I have to say and ruin my fucking life, that’s what I do. Till this day, I still question myself about the whole way it went down. At a pool? How clever you must think I am.

In all honesty I was just tired. Jo was tired physically because she’d never done the whole recording till you dropped routine but I had five albums under my belt at the time, I was a pro. When I say tired I mean, emotionally tired. I spent all my life holding my feelings for her bottled up, in order to keep us both in a safe zone. A zone where she was dating and probably marrying Jeremy (yeah that’s right I said it) and I was gong to marry another woman in my fucked up dream of happiness. That’s the way I wanted it to go. But then I told Trace about how I felt about his cousin and if you knew Trace you’d try your hardest to avoid disappointing him.

He said he was disappointed in me the day we had the ‘disagreement’. It crushed me. So I had to do something about it. I had to speak up because the last thing I wanted to do was disappoint my best friend.

I know that sounds gay as fuck but here me out. Trace can be a complete asshole, you have probably experience his assholeness (I am aware that isn’t a real word, but screw it!! I’m talking here.) first hand, at some concert if you tried to ask him for backstage passes without offering him some head first or something. (By the way, those of you who have done it, I recommend you STOP, it’s a disgrace. After a concert all I want to do is relax, and honestly those of you who make it backstage are a little crazy.) What the hell was I saying? Oh, Trace. Yeah Trace can be a state-of-the-art asshole BUT he’s loyal. I can count on Trace to have my back in anything I do. Even if that anything is dating the wrong women. (ie. Cameron) I knew for a fact that he never liked Cameron but you couldn’t tell. I could tell though but it didn’t stop him from sticking by me. He’s been through everything with me just like Amanda has and yes just like Jeremy has. But there’s something about Trace that I can’t explain. He means the world to me. He’s my best friend.

So when you hear that he’s disappointed in you for the first time in your life, it hurts. So there I was with one best friend who I loved with all my heart and one that was disappointed in me. Trace kept telling me that Amanda would be okay with my confession. That she would probably jump into my arms and give me that kiss I’d been yearning for all my life. (He didn’t know about the drunken kiss, my own little secret) But I told him that he was wrong. I told him that if I told her she would disappear from my life but he kept saying that I was wrong. And at the time I wasn’t trying to hear that.

So he’s pissed, he wouldn’t come home with us and then I found my balls in the pool I guess. I needed to know that I hadn’t disappointed him so I opened my mouth and spoke. Do I think it was a mistake? No. Did I think it was a mistake that very moment? Hell yeah.

You should have seen the look of complete despair across Amanda’s face. God it makes me want to crawl up and call my mother every time I remember. (You knew I was a momma’s boy when you became a fan, so don’t laugh.) I guess I can’t blame her, after all.

She didn’t have over twenty years of the thought to marinate in her head, in her heart.  I had my whole life to deal with my feelings; she had about five seconds to register it all.

Did it hurt? Of course, I wanted to basically take everything back. I wanted never to see that look of pure mistrust directed toward me. I wanted my Jojo back. The one that disappeared the moment I told her I loved her. The one that I loved all my life. She was gone. It was as easy at that, three simple words that usually mean the world to someone, were the cause of the end of mine.
 

Stronger (Remix #3)

He means the world to me? He’s my best friend? That does sound gay as fuck!! But I feel ya, bro.

So what’s up with you? It’s been a few. How are you feeling? Good? Good. How am I you ask? Well apparently I’m in fucking love. Who would have thought that was possible. Believe me when I say that I have tried to avoid this shit like the fucking plague. I don’t want to be Justin. I never have wanted to be like him. (He’s such a LOVE sap) Now all I can do is walk round with a fucking grin on my fucking face. The grin is apparently being caused by Elisha, which is what Manda keeps fucking yapping about.

You know this is all her fault, don’t you? Her fucking mouth. She just had to keep feeding me these fucking little lines, and subconsciously my damn heart was listening. All I’ve been hearing since high school was “One of these days you’re going to find this wonderful woman who you won’t be able to stop thinking about”.  And what do you fucking know. It happened. Son of a bitch!!

I just need to get that shit f my chest. Thank you for listening or reading, or whatever it is that you’re doing.

So I didn’t go home as you see s there’s not much I can tell you about that day. Although I can guarantee that I was probably with Elisha at the time just trying to get my share of ass before I hightailed it out there. (But you already know what happened there)

So what you just read was the same version I got from those two moronic human beings I call my best friends.

So it didn’t go quite like I told him it would go BUT it worked out in the end. So fuck it. He still thinks I should apologize for telling him off but I don’t think I have to. I said what I had to say and as you can see we’re still friends. It’s not like it broke our friendship apart or anything. I mean I was just tired of hearing him talking about how much he loved her all the time. Or how sexy she was in her jeans, I just did not want to hear that shit. For one she s my cousin, so Justin and I can’t have a ‘guys’ talk about her cause that just ain’t right. And second I was already fucked up in the head about Elisha and hearing that shit had me going crazy. So I flipped, I can’t even remember how the whole conversation started. All I know is that he kept saying that he couldn’t do it. And to me that’s just NOT Justin. The man can do anything he’d set his mind on doing. Anything. So yeah I was disappointed that first he was giving up. And second that he wasn’t giving Manda the benefit of a doubt, and if all three of us know anything at all, we know that we can count on one another. So yeah, he pissed me off and I told him I was disappointed in him. I really was.

And they both appreciate that I said that, now, I’m sure. You should see those tow, they are pathetic. They walked around with fucking little heart in their eyes for one another. Kind of like I do now. Bitches!!

Anyway I’m heading out with Manda and Jonathan to the video game store. She’s been on the phone with my mother and has had a chance to leave. Puertoriquen women can talk, let me tell you. And now especially since they have all this planning for……

Whoa!! I’m off the phone. Stop right there. There you go opening you mouth again, dirtball. Change the subject.

Have I mentioned that I hate being interrupted yet my friends constantly do it? Yeah.

Well I’m gonna go. I have to meet Elisha later on for dinner.

For God sakes, I DO dinner now. What ever happened to booty calls?

Peace.

Main-Next

HomeBoy MeMoiRs Track Eleven (Keep On Keepin’ On)

June 2005
Memphis, Tennessee
Midnight

Amanda was exhausted beyond words as she walked slowly toward the hotel suite, the front desk lady had indicated. Debating on whether or not crashing her mother’s weekend was the proper thing to do, she stood by the door.

She knew she wasn’t acting like the grown woman that she obviously was but it didn’t matter to her because more than anything she needed her mother. She needed the comfort that she knew only her mother could give. The thought of having her mother’s arms wrapped around her when she needed it the most, made her eyes water in anticipation.

Her head ached from all the crying she’d done while riding around in a public bus for three hours.  She knew she didn’t look her best, either. Her hair was tied back in a messy ponytail and she still wore her jean shorts over her bikini which had long ago dried. The last of her thoughts were on how she looked and the only matter of concern to her was how she felt. She felt like her life was falling apart around her and she couldn’t stop it. It had been three hours since her life had started crumbling right in front of her eyes.

Not being able to contain the need to cry, she let her tears flow as she knocked on the suite’s door. What seemed like an eternity later, the door swung open to reveal her mother.

“Amanda, what are you doing here?” she asked as Amanda threw her arms around her, crying hysterically. “What’s going on, baby?”

“I….he…,” Amanda mumbled from the crook of her mother’s neck not being able to speak.

“Amanda? Jesus, what’s wrong?” Lynn appeared from the suite’s living room, closing the door behind them. “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” Amanda’s mother responded. “Baby? Amanda? You’re going to have to calm down, baby. I can’t help you if you keep crying like this. What’s going on?”

“I…..can’t….stop….. cry…ing, ma….mi,” Amanda slurred. “Make…it……stopppppp.”

“Are you hurt, pumpkin? Did someone hurt you?” Lynn asked with a worried look on her face. Amanda shook her head, not being able to stop crying to answer.
“Amanda? Where’s Justin? Why aren’t you with him?”

“Where’s Justin, baby?” her mother questioned.

“Did something happen to Justin, Amanda?” Lynn asked panicked. “Where’s Justin?”

“I…co..uld….ca..re….le…ss,” Amanda said lifting her head from her mother’s shoulder.

“Baby, you need to stop crying just long enough for us to understand what you’re saying,” her mother said looking at her.

“I.. said,” Amanda let out as she wiped at her face harshly, trying to stop her crying. “I could care less where your fucking son is,” she sneered at Lynn.

“Amanda!! Who do you think you’re talking to that way?” her mother reprimanded. “Now I know something’s wrong but you can’t and will not speak to Lynn that way!!”

“It’s alright Rosie, she’s just upset,” Lynn said softly before looking at Amanda with tears brimming her own eyes at the sight of the pain, Amanda had in her eyes. “I understand.”

“You should understand you gave birth to the asshole!!” Amanda spit back.

“Amanda!!” her mother yelled. “Have respect!”

“Who are you angry at, Amanda? Justin or yourself?” Lynn asked.

“Excuse me?” Amanda questioned, eyeing the woman she’d known all her life. And with that, she knew that her son didn’t keep anything from her and her Aunt Lynn knew exactly why she was there, hurt and confused.

“Have a seat, Amanda,” her mother pointed to one of the sofas. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“I,” Amanda started to say a few seconds later as she sat on the sofa, legs up to her chin. “I just need to sleep.”

“Okay but not before you tell Lynn where Justin is. Is he okay?” her mother questioned.

“Justin will be fine,” Lynn said with a sad smile. “I guarantee you he’s in the same emotional state that she is, right now. I’m going to go call him. Try to get some sleep, pumpkin,” Lynn said kissing the top of Amanda’s head before leaving the room. “Good night.”

“Night Lynn’,” her mother said softly before turning to her daughter, who’d begun silently crying once again. “Come on, baby. Let’s get you to bed.”
-----------
Next morning

She didn’t know when she’d fallen asleep or when her tears had subsided in order to do so but she managed to sleep for a while. The headache that she’d had the night prior continued to pound violently and she doubted that would subside. Ever.

She opened her eyes to find that she was alone on the bed she’d shared with her mother. She’d found her mother’s arms as comforting as they’d felt when she was a child and she believed it was what helped her through the night.

Getting out of bed, she walked to the bathroom where she washed her face and brushed her teeth. Looking in the mirror in front of her she stared at her reflection for a while. The reflection staring back at her made her cringe and turn away. Mentally calming herself and trying as hard as she could to get the tears from brewing once again, she went out to the kitchenette of the suite, where she could hear her mother and Lynn speaking in hushed tone.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Lynn said as she approached them. “Did you sleep okay?”

“I ordered some breakfast for us, it should be here any minute,” her mother said turning around to face her.

“I’m not hungry, Ma,” Amanda said as she leaned against the frame of the room. “Can I borrow something to wear?”

“You can get whatever you need from my bags too,” Lynn said with a sweet smile.

“No, thank you. I don’t need anything from you,” Amanda snapped.

“Seriously, Amanda!! I raised you better than that!! Now apologize!!” her mother bit back.

“How about I just leave you two alone? I’m sure you would like to speak to your mother alone.” Lynn said with a sad sigh, as she left the room.

“Now, what is wrong with you? Last night, I understand that you were emotional but there is no need to speak to Lynn that way because of something Justin might have done,” her mother said in a serious manner.

“Why are you yelling at me?” Amanda asked as the tears she was trying to prevent flowed down her cheeks. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Why are you crying like this, Amanda? I’ve never seen you like this. Ever. I can’t help if you don’t talk to me, baby.” Her mother said embracing her. “Tell me.”

“I can’t,” Amanda said between sobs.

“Yes you can, Amanda,” her mother said as she led her to the sofa. “What could Justin have possibly done to get you this upset? And don’t say it’s not about Justin because it always is, Amanda.”

“What?” Amanda asked shocked, looking at her mother through her blurry vision.

“You don’t get worked up over just anyone. It’s either Justin or Trace. I know it’s not about Trace because I spoke to him this morning and he’s in Los Angeles with his girlfriend. So tell me, what happened with Justin?”

“He…..he…..,” Amanda started to say before her tears enabled her from speaking.

“He what, baby?”

“I’m…. so..ang…ryyy, ma.” Amanda said wiping furiously at her tears. “I don’t know how to handle it.”

“I’m sure you guys can work it out, Amanda. You and Justin have been friends forever. You’ve been through a lot together. You can fix whatever the problem is.”

“Not this time, ma. This time is different, this can’t be fixed.”

“Are you telling me you’re giving up the friendship you and Justin have? Over something as beautiful as love?” her mother said.

“WHAT?!” Amanda said jerking back in surprise. “What are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about, baby. Why are you having such a hard time with this? Don’t you love him?”

“What?” Amanda asked again, standing to pace the floor. “Do I love him? Jesus, you’re on his side. AREN’T YOU?!! I can’t fucking believe this!!”

“Do not think that because you are twenty-four years old, that you can speak to me any way you’d like, Amanda. I am your mother and I will not be spoken to that way,” her mother snapped. “Now sit the down!!”

“You knew about this? You knew about this and you lied to me. How could you, ma?” Amanda asked angrily at her mother, as she paced back and forth, ignoring her mother’s request.

“Do not point fingers, Amanda. I spoke to Lynn this morning and she filled me in on what I already knew in my heart was bound to happen,” her mother said from where she sat on the sofa. “Now I ask you again, why are you so upset?”

“Why am I upset? Jesus!! Can’t you see that he’s ruined us?” Amanda said as the thought of it made her tears reappear. “Am I the only one who thinks this is wrong?”

“Why is it wrong, Amanda? You have known him all your life. What’s so hard about loving him back?”

“Mom!! Are you listening to yourself? This is bad!!” Amanda yelled.

“Stop yelling, first of all,” her mother said. “Second of all, I think you’re over reacting. It’s Justin. Your best friend told you he loved you. Is that reason to be upset?”

“Jeremy told me he loved me too, mother!!”

“Jeremy was different, Amanda.”

“How was Jeremy different? I’ve known him all my life too. How is he different?” Amanda asked, finally sitting on the couch across from her mother. The whole conversation was oddly making her angry enough for her tears to subside.

“Ask yourself one question, Amanda? How much have you hurt for Jeremy in your life these past few months? When you answer that question ask yourself another question. How much are you hurting for Justin right now?”

“I don’t care how you try to sugar coat it, mother. This isn’t right,” Amanda said angrily standing to walk into the bedroom. “I’m going back to L.A!!” she said slamming the door loudly. She pressed her back to the door and slowly slid down the length of it, before falling to her knees. The tears began and she once again couldn’t stop them from flowing.

“I can’t do this.”

Los Angeles
5:04pm

Justin paced his living room floor as he waited for his friend to arrive. He was a complete disarray of a man and the longer he went without being able to reach Amanda, the more he blamed his friend.

His front door opened a few paces later making him rush over to the foyer.  Instead of finding Trace walking through the door, he found Amanda entering the house. Dark shades over her eyes, her hair an un-like Amanda fashion, a tight bun on the back of her head. She didn’t notice Justin standing on the other end of the foyer until she turned to face the stairs. Even through the dark shades, Justin noticed the scowl that took over her face easily.

“Where have you been? I’ve been calling your cell phone,” Justin said calmly, trying to yell at her for making him worry.

“Do yourself a favor and don’t speak to me. I’m just here to pick up some of my stuff, I’ll be out of your house in half an hour,” Amanda said rushing up the stairs without another word.

“Where are you going?” Justin asked as he followed her to her room, standing just outside the door as she tore through her walk-in closet. “You don’t have to leave, Jo.”

“I think I heard myself say that I didn’t want to speak to you. Leave me alone, Justin.” she warned as clothing articles were thrown into her two duffel bags.

“Can you just talk to me?” Justin asked from where he leaned against the door frame.

“And tell you what, Justin? You want me to tell you what a mistake you’ve made? Do you want me to remind you what you’ve managed to destroy? I’m not in the fucking mood!! So leave me the fuck alone!!” Amanda yelled before slamming the door so hard, Justin was caught off guard, catching his middle finger on the door jam.

“Fuck!!” Justin yelped in pain as he held his left arm. Looking down at his finger, he noticed the swelling immediately, cursing inwardly at the realization that his finger was broken. “What the fuck is your problem?!!” he yelled as he kicked the door in anger.

“Whoa!!” Trace was yelling as he walked up the stairs to see Justin banging on the door. “What the hell is going on?”

“Where the hell have you been? I’ve been trying to fucking call you since I got back!!” Justin yelled holding his arm as he brushed past him and down the stairs.

“Who the fuck are you yelling at, you dick?!” Trace yelled back as he followed Justin down the stairs to the kitchen. “What did you do to your arm?”

“YOU BROKE IT, ASSHOLE!! THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED!!” Justin yelled as he grabbed his keys off the kitchen counter.

“HOW THE FUCK DID I BREAK YOUR ARM?!! I JUST FUCKING GOT HERE AND YOU’RE FUCKING KICKING DOORS AND ACTING LIKE A REAL FUCKING PRICK!!!” Trace yelled. “What the hell is going on?!!”

“Go ask you cousin what’s going on, Trace!!” Justin snapped as he left out the front door, slamming it behind him.

“Manda!!” Trace yelled as he walked up the stairs. Reaching the door to her room, he banged on it for a few seconds before the door flew open. “What the fuck is going on? What are you doing?” he asked looking down at the two bags she had in her hands on either side of her.

“What does it look like I’m doing, Trace?” Amanda asked, her dark shades covering her bloodshot eyes.

“To me it looks like, you look like shit, Justin’s arm is broken and both of you are being assholes. That’s what it looks like.” Trace said. “But that’s just me. Now do you want to tell me what the hell is going on? And why does it seem like I will have to fix whatever this bullshit is?”

“Don’t fucking flatter yourself!” Amanda snapped, walking past him toward the stairs.

“I am not Justin, Manda!!” Trace yelled from the top of the stairs as he watched her descend.

“And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Amanda asked from the bottom of the stairs.

“It means I will not let you say whatever you want to say and keep what I have to say to myself. He can do that shit for the rest of his fucking life, but you will hear what I have to say.” Trace said meeting her head on at the bottom of the stairs, before grabbing her arm and dragging her kicking and cursing at him toward the living room.

“Get your hands off me, Trace!!” Amanda yelled. “I am not five, you can’t drag me around like this!!”

“You’re acting like a spoiled five year old, so I will treat you like one. Now sit the fuck down and tell me what the fuck happened!!” Trace said pushing her toward the sofa roughly.

“You’re an asshole!!” Amanda said yanking her shades off her face and launching them at his face. Luckily Trace saw them coming and ducked before the black shades hit him.

“Don’t get physical, Manda!! I’m your cousin and by blood I can and will fight you. Don’t fuck with me.”

“Oh that’s right!! You’re my cousin, who lied to me. Who preferred being Justin’s bitch, over being honest with his cousin? My cousin who’s a fucking loser for following another man around like a fucking puppy. My poor pathetic cousin. Is that who the fuck you’re talking about? HUH?” Amanda said standing defiantly in front of him.

“Don’t be a bitch, Manda!!” Trace snapped back. “What’s your problem?”

“Are you even listening to a word I’m saying?” Amanda chuckled bitterly. “I guess since I’m not Justin, you can’t hear me. Because his word is the fucking bible to you, isn’t it?”

“You’re really pissing me off, Manda. You’re acting really mature right now and I’m not so sure I can refrain myself from saying shit that will be just as immature. So why don’t you sit down and RELAX!!” Trace said pushing her shoulders back, causing her to fall back on the sofa once again.

“I AM RELAXED!!”

“Really? Could have fooled me.” Trace said taking a seat across from her. “Now drop all the bullshit and tell me exactly what happened.”

“Why are you asking me? Shouldn’t you be asking your precious best friend? Oh wait! Why ask? You already knew what he was going to do, didn’t you?”

“So Justin finally grew some balls?” Trace said not expecting an answer.  “What I am asking you is why you’re acting this way. And I AM asking my best friend, even though you’re being a spoiled bitch right now.”

“Fuck you, Trace!! You knew!! You knew and you have kept it to yourself!! You lied to me, he lied to me, my bastard father lied to me, Jeremy lied to me, and my whole fucking life has been a god damn lie!!” Amanda couldn’t stop her eyes from watering as she spoke.

“I’ve never lied to you, Manda!! Stop being so damn fucking dramatic!! The only person that has done any lying is you!! To your fucking self!! You’ve been managing that all by yourself. That fucking prick you wasted your life away, lied to you. Justin and I haven’t lied to you. Ever!! You’ve lied to yourself all along.”

“I don’t…”

“I’m not done talking,” Trace interrupted her. “You’re acting as if it’s the biggest shock you’ve ever received. You can’t tell me that you didn’t know. You can’t sit there and act as if hearing Justin tell you that he loves you, is a shock. Stop fooling yourself, Manda. You know he loves you and you’ve always known he loved you. Grow the fuck up and admit to yourself that you have always loved him back!!”

“Jesus Christ, what has he done to you people? First mom and now you. He’s really brainwashed you! But I guess I shouldn’t have expected less from him. He’s a fucking God in your eyes and everyone else’s!!” Amanda laughed bitterly before grabbing the shades from the floor and leaving the room.

“GROW UP MANDA!! JUSTIN AND I CAN’T DO IT FOR YOU. NOT THIS TIME!!” Trace yelled as she slammed the door behind her.
 

Main - Next

HomeBoY MeMoiRs Keep On (Remix #1)

Yes, I know. The drama!!

In the dictionary, right next to the word overdramatic should be a big fat picture of Amanda Reyes. The definition of the word took another meaning all together when I took it upon myself to reenact it. Don’t you think?

When I think about what an asshole I was, I feel really bad. What was up with my attitude with Lynn (Justin’s mom)? You’d think that I would have more respect than that, but then I wasn’t myself at the time either.

At the time, I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t stop crying. Why I was so angry and why I was so sad at the same time. I just thought that if I placed myself in a completely different realm of whom I was that I’d be safe. I’d be safe from the feelings that were bottled up inside of me. If I had stopped to think about what Justin was telling me instead of flipping out like a lunatic, things would have been different. (No shit!) Then I wouldn’t be here telling you any of this, and that’s just not fun.

My heart was telling me that I needed to fess up and deal with my own feelings toward him. My head was telling me ‘Oh hell, no. Run!’ And I think that was mostly because I had lived all my life pushing aside how I felt. Trying to cover it up with Jeremy’s presence in my life. Now don’t get me wrong, I loved Jeremy. Don’t get crazy on me hear me out.

I loved Jeremy in a way that I guess now, makes sense. In my screwed up mind, my love for the two were reversed. Do you understand me?

I think my relationship with Jeremy was based on my need to disregard my heart. I realize that situation is messed up, but it’s the truth. He might have cheated on me, which is fucked up, but I think I cheated him the worst. Does it mean I forgive him for sleeping with that tramp? Hell, no. However, I am woman enough, now, to admit that I was in the wrong.

And while in my head, I was convinced that I loved Jeremy more than I did Justin, my heart had always remained the same.

Please believe that I am not a violent person and it was his own fault that he broke his damn finger. He was the one that didn’t move his hand from the doorframe. All he had to do was listen to me, I told him to leave me alone but he doesn’t listen. You know how he is. So, don’t be blaming that on me.

Didn’t I tell you that we weren’t going to be so nice to each other these last couple of tracks? I warned you.

Should I apologize for the way I spoke to Justin or Trace? How about you hold your breath on that. Nah, I’m kidding. I’m running on a sugar high right now excuse me.

Anyway, yeah I know I was mean but they were mean too. Justin not so much, well not then but Trace was an asshole. Telling me all the shit I didn’t want to hear. I mean he was right but damn he didn’t have to be a dick about it. Pushing me around and stuff, the bastard. I should go downstairs now and whoop his ass. (I really shouldn’t have eaten those two snicker bars.) I guess I can’t really blame him though. I was being a bitch.

I know I haven’t shared much about my mother with you guys and that has been intentional. I love my family just as much as you love yours. My life is so crazy (good crazy) and so public that whatever I can keep to myself, I will. And that something is my family. My mother has always been there for me and for that I am grateful and I love her for it, and I feel that my family is mine to keep. Ya know? I’m already sharing part of my life, my cousin and my man with you. Don’t you think I’m entitled to keep my family out of the spotlight?

Justin says that he’s always loved me and that he can’t remember when it was exactly when he started loving me. He just says he always has, that he still remembers us in diapers and that even then, he thinks he loved me. With me though, I remember when I started loving him. It was when we were five and he gave me a kiss on the cheek and took my heart.  (He also took a hit on his arm, for touching me) Hence the song, Homeboy in my album (that’s a shameless plug). Even at such a young age, I just knew. However, me knowing that I loved him, that he was my real everything, didn’t mean it was what I went after.

You have to understand that Justin has been in my life for everything. I mean we were born on the same day, for god sakes. I can’t remember a time where I didn’t have Justin in my life. It’s like that little mole you have on your thigh. You don’t know how it got there and where it came from but it’s always been there and you can’t remember not having it. (It’s just an analogy; don’t go searching for that mole on your thigh.) So, when suddenly Justin is being snatched away from me (by him, which is the kicker), I’m feeling like my life is destroyed.

When he told me he loved me, my life flipped upside down. It was as if suddenly I was missing half of my life. I didn’t know Justin ‘that’ way. I had chosen not to ‘want’ to know him ‘that’ way. I didn’t expect him to ‘want’ me ‘that’ way, ya know? I was thinking I would marry Jeremy and live happily ever after. Just the three of us. Because shit, after Justin and Britney broke up I just didn’t think Justin would get serious about anyone. Yeah, I realize that was selfish of me but understand that I didn’t realize all this crap in my head until later on.

Speaking of Britney, I’m supposed to meet her for dinner sometime next week. I haven’t mentioned her much lately but she’s part of my life, still. I don’t think I can really make myself dislike her, with her being Justin’s ex and all. She’s moved on and I am happy that she is happy. Justin is happy that she is happy. We are just a bunch of happy people. (Really, don’t mind me. The snicker bars are still doing their thing.)

Anyway, I have to go help my mom make dinner for these fools. Apparently Trace spread the rumor that my mother and I were making some home-cooked Puertoriquen food and I’ve had Kelly (Joey’s wife), Jc, Jc’s brother, Ty (who is in town) and Chris call to verify that it was the truth. It’s only a matter of time before Lance shows his face around here. Justin’s going to be pissed; he wanted to spend a quite night at home.

So, you know what that means. My house has a revolving door, I swear to you.  Oops, did I say my house, I meant Justin’s. *wink wink*

Talk to you later.

Adios.
 

Keepin’ On, what  exactly? (Remix #2)

All I wanted to do tonight was chill. And what do I come home to? I come home to Tyler, Chris and Jc, hanging out in the kitchen with my girl and my mother-in-law, oh I mean Jo’s mom. I mean I’m not complaining about how banging it smells in the kitchen right now, but I wanted a night alone with Jo. Is that so much to ask?

Anyway, it’s been two days since I last talked to you. I understand that you can’t tell the difference but I like to let you know how much I’ve missed chatting with ya. I’ve been going to the studio a few times a week, just trying different things that pop in my head in the middle of the night. I think you are going to like some of the stuff I’ve managed to put together. I’m starting early on an album that has yet been put on paper officially, cause I’m not going to get a chance to do so in the next three months. Why, you ask? Well I can’t tell you that.

What I can talk about is the fact that Jo broke my finger. Can you believe that? That was so wrong! I mean it wasn’t like completely broken, just fractured, but still. She slammed that door like there was no tomorrow. And all I did was tell her that I loved her. (Would you hurt me if I said I loved you?) I didn’t think it was a fucking crime to tell someone you loved them. I didn’t think I needed punishment. Damn! In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a bit irritated. All these people in my house, I want my Jo to myself. You know what, Trace is right; I’m such a fucking sap over her. I can’t help it I love her. Do you understand? Like I love her, love her. You know the kind where you’d kill for that person you love the most in your life. That way.

Anyway what are we talking about today? Ahh, the episode of a broken finger? Yeah. Wasn’t that just great? Insert sarcasm here.

Right next to the picture of Jojo, in the dictionary, should also be a page-wide beware sign. Was she trippin or what? I mean seriously it was like that movie, The Ring. That little girl looked normal and then she went crazy, killing people and stuff. I mean Amanda (I’m still annoyed with the full house thing, so Amanda it is.) didn’t kill anyone or anything but that’s who she reminded me of. She was so angry with me; I could see it in her eyes. I still don’t understand why. I mean she felt the same way about me and for her to show it that way, breaking fingers and stuff, was a little crazy. Don’t you think?

I remember when my mom called me that night, when Amanda had shown up at their hotel room, like it was yesterday. The only reason I was halfway calm when Amanda came through my front door was because my mother had been consoling me all night. (Yeah, I know I’m a momma’s boy.) I remember that as soon as I picked up my cell, phone when she called, the first thing she said was that Amanda loved me back. I don’t know how she knew, call it a mother’s intuition and all that feminine bullshit, but she knew. She told me that Amanda was a wreck and that it could only mean that she felt the same way. That Amanda couldn’t have been that torn if she didn’t love me back.

I believed her. I mean she’s my mother and she has never steered me wrong, ya know? So I believed her right up until I felt the pain of my finger being ‘fractured’. Up until that moment I just thought I’d just sit Amanda down and talk to her. Tell her that I didn’t mean to upset her and that nothing would change between us. I really was willing to sacrifice my feelings toward her in order to have her not be mad at me. But that lasted all of three seconds because in all honesty I was fucking offended. I mean shit, I know it can’t be all that wrong to have me love you. Is it?

I’m not trying to sound conceited or anything when I say this but I mean I’m not ugly. I’m not the worst possible face to look at. So to say the least I was a little offended, a bit discouraged and a lot pissed. Who did she think she was? Of course that was my pride talking there. The one with the fractured finger, but still. What the fuck?

And on top of my insecure physicality stuff, I was her best friend. You’d think that as my best friend she’d at least find me attractive. But noooo, she flipped the fuck out instead. The situation didn’t help my ego to say the least.

I have to agree that Amanda and Jeremy’s relationship (Insert Justin barfing here.) was my cover up for my feelings as well. I was so involved with keeping my feelings below the surface that I even made myself believe I wanted the same type of relationship with someone else. Hence the girl I met at the Mickey Mouse Club. And I told you before that I truly did love Britney. I really did but it still didn’t make the love I had and have for Amanda disappear. And believe me I loved Britney Spears, a lot. So try and imagine how much I love Amanda Reyes. You can’t. I’m telling you, I like you and all but there’s no possible way that you can ever, ever, ever know how much I love this woman. (In case you are wondering, that was my way of giving her a guilt trip for having all these people in my house when she knew I wanted it to be just the two of us.)

Ohh don’t hold your breath on an apology for being a dick with Trace, either. I mean I’ve always learned not to regret anything in my life because if you regret things, they weren’t worth doing in the first place. You now what I mean? Yeah I regret being a dick to him and I apologized to him later on, but I was pissed. I had a broken finger, a broken friendship and a broken heart. I had the right to be an asshole. Besides, they share the same blood. I had to be a dick to someone. He was there!!

Anyway my attitude with him made him talk to Amanda the way he did which in turn helped all of us out. So do I regret it completely? Hell no. And I don’t think any of us regrets anything completely; except for some words we called each other. I think it made us stronger. And that is nothing to go and regret, ya know. If it doesn’t kill you it’ll make you stronger.

Unfortunately it’s time for me to go downstairs and be an ass to all these people in the house. On the fortunate side I get to have arroz amarillo, habichuelas and pernil. That’s yellow rice, beans and pork if you’re wondering. I really should be eating any of this fattening stuff but damn if it’s not the best damn food in the world. Especially the way Rosie makes the pork. Damn my mouth is watering. Gotta go.

Ohh and by the way, I pronounced every word correctly.

Don’t hate da playa, hate da game

This is the ‘ain’t getting any tonight’ orgasm donor signing out.
 

Don’t keep on doing shit! (Remix # 3)

Hey there. How are you doing today? Good? Good.

So I just finished stuffing my face with my favorite kind of food. You know the kind, the kind that I didn’t have to make for myself. Manda and Aunt Rosie are the best cooks in the world, next to my mother of course. (Don’t tell them that shit either.)

So what are we talking about today? Oh, you want to talk about my putting my hands on my cousin? Well what exactly do you want to know? She was being a bitch and besides I didn’t really hit her, I pushed her. And I pushed her into the couch, a soft surface. It’s not like I dragged her by the hair down the street. She was pissing me off and I do believe as her cousin I could set her straight.

Manda is like a loose cannon when she’s annoyed and pissed about something. In order to get her attention you must TAKE it, ya know? Because she’s not going to voluntarily give it to you. So when she’s in my face about something I just GET her attention. At that time my way was to push her around, like she says. She got over it so maybe you should too.

Are you feeling me when I tell you that being caught between these two is a complete bitch? I mean, what the fuck did I do? I just walked into the house to find Justin hold his arm and being an asshole. I don’t function that way. If you’re pissed at me then I have the right to know what I did so that I can defend myself.  And Justin couldn’t come up with anything besides the fact that Manda was my cousin. That was bullshit!

So there I am right smack in the middle of what I didn’t want to deal with. I guess in a way it was kind of my fault, but don’t tell Justin that shit. I mean I basically gave him an ultimatum and I shouldn’t have cause he doesn’t deal well with that kind of shit. But give me a break I was having a bad day and he was in the studio talking out his ass, about Jojo this and Jojo that. It was pretty annoying, and come to think of it, it still is fucking annoying.

I don’t want to talk about this shit anymore. I had a big enough headache when it was happening. There isn’t a need to bring that shit back and I just had a fucking great meal. Why ruin it?

To Justin’s defense and basically for my defense. I don’t have friends who are punks. Justin is a proclaimed momma’s boy, we all know that. But don’t be thinking that he’s a pussy. He’s not, cause he wouldn’t have me as a best friend if he were. I don’t fuck with pussies unless it’s between a bitch’s legs.

I’m out of here.

And Justin please stop calling yourself 'the orgasm donor' cause its fucking whack!!

Peace out.

Oh by the way, cross your fingers for me. I’m trying to go to Vegas for the weekend with C and Tyler without someone finding out.

When did my life start to suck? I hate the fact that I love this chick.

Yeah, yeah. I said it. I love Elisha.

Fuck off!!

--------------------

*Thanks to Danielle at nsyncfiction.com for The Ring idea.
 

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hbtracktwelvepart1 Track Twelve (Sunshine)
Part 1

Jive Recording Studios, Los Angeles
Two days later

Receiving a personal call from Johnny Wright and reprimanded about skipping two recording sessions was not something Amanda was too happy about. With the way she was feeling, dropping everything she had accomplished in the recording studio and all the work she’d done, didn’t sound like a bad idea. In her mind, as long as she didn’t have to go into a recording studio with Justin Timberlake, she would be able to maintain sanity. However, things didn’t work the way she wanted them to work, that she knew from experience. She’d fought Johnny’s stern advice to get her behind to the studio until he threatened to call Jive and more importantly, her mother.

For two days, she’d been staying at the Mondrian Hotel, alone. Speaking on the telephone only with Ms. Pizarro and her mother.

She didn’t ask Johnny how he found her, knowing that Justin and Trace probably knew where she was. Strangely enough, she hadn’t received any phone calls from neither and for that she was thankful. However, the peace had only lasted forty-eight hours before Johnny Wright was on the other end of the phone line, with reprimands and demands.

She knew Justin was already at the studio when she pulled into the parking lot, the black Mercedes she’d parked next to indicated so. The identical white car she’d parked next to his was the reminder of the friendship and similarities they’d shared. If another space had been available, she would have taken it without hesitation.

She sat in her car for a few minutes, contemplating going into the studio and having to see him. Deciding that dealing with Justin and undoubtedly Trace was better than hearing Johnny’s threats, she climbed out of her vehicle.

As she made her way through the studio’s dark and narrow halls, she could faintly hear one of her tracks being played. Although she loved every single song she’d recorded, hearing the song now only made her angry. Within two days time it was as if the person whom recorded those songs was a stranger, someone else. Someone whose heart was complete, someone whose heart didn’t ache.

Pushing the door to the studio open, she found her cousin lying on the couch, a magazine in his hands.  He simply glanced at her as a form of acknowledgement before turning his attention to the other end of the room. Following his line of vision, she could see Justin in one of the chairs in front of the control panel with Cameron occupying the other, having a quiet conversation. She didn’t know where the feeling came from and she didn’t question it, but her blood pressure skyrocketed and she immediately saw red. Neither noticed that she’d entered the room, as she dropped her laptop case on the couch opposite Trace.

“This is a closed session, Grandma,” Amanda said taking a sip from her iced coffee drink, mostly to cool her hot temper a few degrees.

They both looked up at her at the same time and Amanda wanted nothing more than to knock the grin off Cameron’s face. “Excuse me?” she asked.

“You heard me, Cameron. You aren’t welcome here,” Amanda spat.

“Cameron was just stopping by to say hello, Jo,” Justin explained. “She was just leaving.”

“I didn’t ask what she was doing here, asshole. I could give a shit, stop playing my fucking tracks to just anyone!” Amanda said still staring Cameron down.

“Ha!” came from Trace on the other side of the room.

“Don’t encourage her, man,” Justin muttered to Trace with a stern look.

“Kiss my ass, man,” Trace said flipping him off and returning to his magazine.

“Oh well, you guys are getting along great,” Cameron said with a roll of her eyes as she stood. “I’ll leave you three alone. It was nice seeing you again, Justin. Take care of that hand buddy.”

At the mention of his hand, Amanda noticed the small splint Justin wore on his finger for the first time. A pang of regret pulsed through her at the sight but she quickly brushed it off before grabbing the chair from right under Cameron.

“I’ll walk you out, Cam,” Justin said standing, as well. “I’ll be right back,”

“Whatever,” Amanda sneered. “I’d like to see you as much as I’d like to see her.”

“This session should be interesting,” Trace commented from the sofa.

“Shut up, Trace!” both Justin and Amanda snapped back in unison.

“Great minds think alike,” Trace said with a chuckle before returning to his magazine.

“After you,” Justin said to Cameron pointing to the door.

“Asshole,” Amanda mumbled under her breath as she took a seat and started to unpack her laptop.

“Takes one to know one,” Trace said.

“What?” Amanda snarled, turning to face him.

“Nothing,” Trace shrugged, sitting up and standing to grab a water bottle from the snack table.

“I heard what you said,” Amanda snapped back.

“Then why the fuck you asking me?” Trace asked with a raised brow, not affected by the venom in her voice. “How’s the Mondrian treating you?”

“None of your business,” Amanda replied as she turned on her laptop.

“It actually is my business. I’m your assistant and cousin,” Trace said. “I need to know where you’re at all times. You can’t be gone for two days and not let me know.”

“I can do whatever the hell I want to do, Trace,” Amanda said back. “Besides, like I really needed to let your nosy ass, know anything. You probably knew I was there before I got there.”

“So are you speaking to me now?” Trace asked with a raised brow.

“What are you doing here? Are you trying to piss me off? Cause it’s working. Wonderfully.”

“I’m here to assist two ass-wipes who need to get their heads out of their asses,” Trace said grabbing his Sidekick from the couch.

“I don’t need assisting, so you can leave. As a matter of fact, you’re fired,” Amanda, said with a shrug. “I don’t need you, or him.”

“Can’t really fire me without the approval of your manager, pretty cousin. And we both know you aren’t getting that. So go on about your business,” Trace said waving her off. “Oh and you have a photo shoot with Justin for some UK magazine, later tonight.”

“Cancel it,” Amanda shrugged. “I’m not taking any pictures with him.”

“Yeah you are,” Trace shrugged back before looking up at Justin who came into the room. “Do you want to fire me?”

“What?” Justin questioned.

“Are you planning on firing me as your assistant?” Trace asked again, continuing his conversation on his Sidekick.

“As much as I want to right now, no. Why?”  Justin asked curiously.

“No reason,” Trace said looking up to meet Amanda’s gaze with an evil grin.

“What are you doing here today anyway, Trace?” Justin asked with a huff.

“Can we get some work done or do I have to get another producer?” Amanda said with a roll of her eyes.

“Can we talk for a minute, first?” Justin asked her.

“If it doesn’t have to do with these four songs we have to record, then no,” Amanda said not attempting to look at him.

“I can’t be in this room with you knowing that you’re upset with me, Jo,” Justin said turning buttons on the soundboard, adjusting the levels on the track playing softly in the background.

“Upset doesn’t even begin to describe half of what I’m feeling.” Amanda sneered. “Leave me alone.”

“Why?” Justin asked.

“Leave me alone, Justin,” Amanda warned before continuing to read over the lyrics on her screen.

“Are you two recording or are you being assholes all day? Because I can find something better to do, believe me. Anything is better than listening to you two all day.”

“Trace, why don’t you go to Forest Lane and get me one of those ham and cheese sandwiches I like?” Justin asked.

“Why? Forest Lane is in Tennessee, dickhead, but I get the hint. I’m not even here. You two continue pretending like you can’t stand each other.”

“Fuck off, T,” Justin said.

“Sure,” Trace said giving Justin a wave of his middle finger. “Why don’t you start recording one of the many songs you’ve managed to get Manda to believe aren’t about her?”

“Shut up, Trace. You’re being an asshole,” Justin grumbled.

“What songs?” Amanda questioned. “What the fuck are you taking about?”

“Stop cursing, Jo,” Justin found himself saying without thinking.

“Don’t you fucking talk to me like we are friends, Timberlake! I will curse the high fucking heavens if I want to,” Amanda snapped.

“Fuck this, I’m not doing this!” Justin exclaimed, getting up and leaving the room.

“Good job, Manda. Now you have no producer,” Trace said a few seconds later. “You really should consider changing that fucking attitude you have. The asshole loves you and you would see that if you open your fucking eyes. You two are really pissing me off, for real this time,” Trace said annoyed.

“Shut up, Trace!” Amanda said drinking the rest of her iced coffee.

“Why? Because I’m right? I just spent two fucking days listening to him bitch about everything that is wrong in his fucking life. While doing that, I was making sure you were okay where you’re staying. I have my own fucking life to tend to but instead I have to deal with you two. Apparently you’re so caught the fuck up in your bullshit that you forgot that you’re best friends. You’re overreacting like there’s no tomorrow and he’s blaming me for making him grow balls. Shit’s fucked up whether you like to hear it or not. This can only be fixed by your whinny ass. So fix it!”

“I’m gonna fix your face if you keep yelling at me like a god damn child, Trace!” Amanda yelled back.

“I’m scared,” Trace said sarcastically.

“I don’t know how you could sit there and act as if nothing’s wrong,” Amanda said looking at him.

“There isn’t anything wrong, Manda. Your best friend loves you. Your family loves you. The world is going to love you. And your cousin still loves you even when he’s two seconds from kicking your ass. There’s nothing wrong.”

“My best friend betrayed me,” Amanda said as she wiped the lone tear that escaped her right eye. “I can’t forgive him for that.”

“He didn’t betray you, Manda. Stop being so melodramatic.”

“Oh, no? What do you call it then, Trace? Because to me it seems like my best friend just decided one day to throw the four-letter word around like it’s nothing. He’s not supposed to say those things. He’s supposed to be my best friend. Not anything else.”

“Why not?”

“Why not, what?”

“Why can’t he be anything else?” Trace asked making air quotation marks with his fingers. “Explain that to me. Tell me why it’s so bad.”

“Just leave me alone, Trace,” Amanda said getting up and leaving the room in the same manner that Justin had.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
 
 

Outside of Studio

Amanda stood outside at the parking lot wanting nothing more than to get in her car and leave. However, she couldn’t do that, instead she opted on getting some air and getting her temper under control. She knew she had a long day and night ahead of her as a result from secluding herself for two days. Leaving the studio before she’d even started to record was probably something Johnny wouldn’t have approved upon. Amanda respected Johnny and in some odd way he was the father figure she looked up to, beside her Uncle Juan.

She’d been sitting on the hood of her car for half an hour before Trace walked out, Sidekick still attached to his hand. Amanda rolled her eyes at the sight of him.

“Why you rolling your eyes at me? Don’t be mad at me, you already knew I loved you,” Trace said hoping onto the hood of her car, making the metal bang slightly with his weight.

“Get off my damn car, Trace!” Amanda snapped from next to him.

“Get some songs laid out, Manda!” Trace snapped back. “I told you that you have a photo shoot later, so can you suck it up and work? I already spent half an hour arguing with your best friend. I don’t want to spend the next half doing the same with mine. So get your ass in the studio before I call Johnny.”

“Don’t threaten me, Trace. I’m not scared of you and he is not my best friend. And you’re warring your fucking welcome being one.”

“Get over yourself, cousin. Are you going inside or should I start my message to Johnny?” Trace asked with a smirk on his face.

“Asshole,” Amanda said before getting off the car’s hood and heading toward the door.

“That’s what I like to hear,” Trace said as he walked behind her.

Amanda found herself rolling her eyes at the receptionist, as she fawned over Trace as they walked by the front desk. Walking toward her assigned studio, she opened the door to find Justin in conversation with the A&R technician who would be working with them.

“Hey there Amanda!” the guy greeted when she came into the room.

“Hey, Mark. Long time no see.” Amanda said with a small smile.

“Not since ‘Cry Me A River.’ How have you been?” he asked.

“I’ve never been better, a big weight has been lifted from my life recently. It’s wonderful,” Amanda said taking a seat in front of the control board.

“Good to hear, I heard the tracks you have done so far. Very impressed, but then I already told you that you needed to do this for a living,” he said with a smile. “You wouldn’t listen to an old guy like me, though.”

“She doesn’t listen to anyone,” Trace volunteered from the couch he’d laid on as soon as he’d entered the room.

“Well she must have, because here she is, with half an album finished.” Mark smiled. “Are you taking credit for this, Justin?”

“He would,” Amanda mumbled before turning to work on her laptop. “What do you think of the track we’re working on today, Mark?”

“I think Justin did a great job,” Mark shrugged. “Not really sure why I’m here.”

“What track are you talking about?” Amanda asked looking up at Mark then looking at Justin, who seemed to be engrossed in opening a case of blank compact disks.

“Change of plans today. We’re working on something new. Something I wrote.” Justin said not looking back at her, simply shrugging as he spoke.

“You can’t do that,” Amanda stated, looking at Trace, who smirked at her then at Justin.

“Why not?” Justin asked as he walked toward the control board to sit on the chair next to hers.

“Because we already arranged the other track, Justin. That’s why,” Amanda responded with a huff.

“So we’ll arrange this one,” Justin said.

“That will take all night, genius! I am not staying in here with you guys for more than six hours!” Amanda said. “No offense, Mark.”

“Five hours,” Trace added. “You have to be at the shoot in five, so you better get a move on.”

“Trace, shut up!” Amanda said causing Mark to chuckle.

“I can see you guys have not changed since the last time I saw ya,” Mark said as he continued pressing buttons and preparing the sound board.

“A lot of things have changed, Mark. Believe me,” Justin said placing blank CDs in the recorder. “Things aren’t always as they seem. People change.”

“People change? Hell yeah they do, they say things to hurt you and they become manipulative,” Amanda said as she watched Justin take a seat next to Mark.

“They also become unpredictable and mean, even though you’ve always been able to count on them to understand you. Always.”

“What?” Amanda asked with shock. “What does that mean exactly, Expert?”

“It means, start warming up so this track can be started,” Trace said from the couch. “That’s just my guess.”

“Here,” Justin said handing a sheet of paper to Amanda. “I recorded the demo last night, you should be able to pick up the feel for the song. Let me know when you’re ready to try it. Mark, can you play the track, a few times?” he asked, before looking at her. “Listen.”

Amanda recognized Justin’s tone as a serious one. She was positive about the fact that his tone was a reflection of his conversation with her cousin. For a brief second she found herself wanting to fix whatever it was that had them upset. Something that came natural to her. Then she realized that she was angry as well. Snatching the piece of paper from Justin’s hand, she walked over to the couch and sat next to Trace.

After half an hour of listening to the track repeatedly, she still couldn’t concentrate. Instead she found herself looking around the room, more specifically, Justin. Both he and Mark wore headphones over their ears as they listened to something Mark had been working on. Justin’s head moved with the music she was sure was playing in his ears, while Mark entered keys on the keyboard in front of him. A tiny tear escaped her eyes, before she quickly wiped it off.

Just like it had happened at that very moment, she remembered what he’d done. And she remembered what he’d managed to ruin.

As she watched him in the darkened studio, she couldn’t see her best friend anymore. The person before her wasn’t the person she ran around in diapers with. He wasn’t the same Justin that she’d known all her life. He wasn’t the person she’d shared every single aspect of her life with.

He was Justin Timberlake, the man that….

Realization came like a smack in the face. Her eyes opened wide and her breath caught in her throat. Looking over at Trace, she found him looking back at her with a knowing smile adorning his face.

“So its not so bad after all, is it?” he asked knowingly.

“I can’t fucking do this right now,” Amanda said standing and walking out of the studio.
 

~*~*~*~*~*~
 

UK Esquire Magazine Shoot

Amanda watched Justin pacing back and forth, while the make-up girl followed him around with a make-up brush. He continued his conversation on the phone attached to his ear, unaware that everyone around him found the scene amusing.

The young intern was trying her best to act cool. As if dealing with a hotheaded celebrity was an every day event for her. Her temper was flaring and if Amanda didn’t know for sure that Justin was indeed in a bad mood, she’d think it was amusing as well. Nevertheless, the truth was, Justin wasn’t in any mood to play games with the new intern. He was surely being reprimanded about another studio session going down the drain. By the looks Justin directed toward her, she was certain; Johnny wasn’t singing his praises either.

“He has about five seconds to get off that phone,” the photographer said to Trace, who was entertained on his own phone next to her.

“Excuse me?” Trace asked with a raised brow.

“I said Justin needs to get off the phone, so that I can do my job,” the photographer snapped back, clearly talking down at Trace. Amanda chuckled for the first time and shook her head at the photographer.

“Ohh, big mistake buddy,” Amanda whispered, continuing to shake her head in shame. “Huge.”

“Justin will get off the phone when he damn well pleases,” Trace responded without a second thought. “So go take your camera and wait like the rest of us.”

“Ohh, I told ya,” Amanda whispered shaking her head once again.

“And who are you?” the photographer asked.

“The other person you’re shooting, so I suggest you go fuck yourself, before he decides not to be so nice to your bosses at Esquire. And you wouldn’t want Justin to boycott your precious magazine. Trust me,” Amanda snapped back, pointing toward Justin.

“I’m fairly positive those British assholes can manage without a photo of Justin Timberlake, don’t flatter your boyfriend so much,” the photographer snapped back.

“That was probably your cue to get your ass kicked, man. I had enough trouble getting her here in the first place and now you’re….” Trace started to say before he was cut off by Amanda’s irate response.

“HEY, DICKHEAD?!!” Amanda yelled, standing to meet the short photographer face-to-face. “You’re messing with the wrong girl today, you ignorant bastard. Don’t think that because you’re here to take pictures of us, that it gives you the right to talk down to us. If his fucking face wasn’t on the cover of your stupid magazine you wouldn’t fucking be here in the first place. So be thankful, you ungrateful son of a bitch. Get your fucking make-up bitch and your little worthless ass back to wherever you fucking came from because you ain’t getting nothing done but annoy the hell out of me and not to mention Justin. Does she not see that he’s on the damn phone?! She can take that brush and you can take that damn camera and shove it up your….”

“That’s enough, Jo!!” Justin came from behind the photographer, a stern look on his face.

Amanda glared at Justin, not knowing whom she wanted to yell at first. The photographer, for being a prick or at Justin, for yelling at her as if he had any say over her.

“Who are you?” Justin addressed the photographer, not giving her a chance to say anything else.

“Jeremy Petner,” the photographer responded in the nicest tone possible. “The photographer tonight.”

“Of course!” Amanda said rolling her eyes. “That would be your name, let me guess, your make-up girl’s name is Jessica.”

“Jo?” Justin interrupted.

“AMANDA!!” she responded as a form of correction.

“Fine, Amanda! Chill out, will you? I don’t need this shit right now,” Justin said eyeing the photographer who seemed to be enjoying the scene before him, a tad too much. “Do you mind?”

“Excuse me?” the photographer questioned.

“Do. You. Mind. Giving. Us. A. Minute?” Justin asked firmly to the photographer. “Was that clearer?”

“With all due respect, Mr. Timberlake,” the photographer huffed. “I’ve already been waiting for an hour.”

“With all due respect, JEREMY! Since you’ve waited that long, a few more minutes shouldn’t be a problem!” Justin said loudly.

“Excuse me then,” the photographer said before walking away, mumbling something incoherent.

“Asshole!” Amanda said taking her seat next to Trace, once again.

“Who the hell is that guy?” Justin asked Trace, who got up to look through a rack of clothes.

“Some stand-in photographer,” Trace shrugged. “Kind of an asshole, but I don’t blame him. You’ve been on the phone for the past half hour.”

“Thanks for the update, Trace!” Justin barked. “Get me a water, will ya?”

“Yes, Mr. Timberlake. Right away,” Trace said mockingly. “Would you like me to bring you a better attitude back, as well?”

“You should talk about attitudes,” Amanda commented with a roll of her eyes.

“Oh I’m sorry did I forget to give a shit?” Trace asked her sarcastically. “Both of you shut the fuck up and go take some pictures. When you’re both done with that, we can get the asshole fired. He was actually okay, in my book, standing up to you guys. However, that was right up until he said his name, now he deserves to be taking pictures inside a photo booth with no air vents. So, both of you get in front of the camera, smile for the fucker a few times so that we can get the fuck out of here. How does that sound?”

And for the first time that night, both Justin and Amanda smiled at their friend. A smile spread across Justin face and he couldn’t help the laughter that followed. Amanda looked back and forth from Trace to Justin trying her best to avoid laughing as well but failing miserably. She covered her face as she shook with laughter, unconsciously leaning on Justin for support.

Justin stiffened, his laughter subsiding a bit when the contact occurred. Amanda continued giggling for a few seconds before looking up to find Justin looking down at her.

“Stop looking at me that way,” Amanda said, suddenly moving away from him and walking toward the photographer.

“Can you keep a leash on her mouth while I go to the bathroom?” Justin asked a moody looking Trace. “Can you at least do that?”

“You and I know that’s not possible. She’s going to let that dude have it,” Trace shrugged. “You can’t stop it and neither can I. Just like you can’t stop the way you look at her. And you can’t stop the way she looks at you. It’s just the way it is.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Nothing Justin, nothing at all.” Trace said looking toward Amanda on the other side of the room. “Go to the bathroom and get back so we can get this over with and get out of here.”

“When did you become so grown-up, fucker?” Justin asked with a smirk on his face.

“When my two best friends became love-sick assholes, dickhead!” Trace said with a chuckle before turning to walk toward his cousin.

Main - Next

hbtracktwelvepart2 Track Twelve (Sunshine)
Part II

Amanda cringed at the sound coming from the headphones she held close to her ears. She’d never heard herself sound so awful, not even on her worst day. And if it weren’t for the simple fact that a certain someone wasn’t in the room, she’d put the blame on him for her less than spectacular sounding vocals.

As a result of the altercation she had with the arrogant man in the Ferrari, that cut in front of her, she had arrived an hour late at the studio.

She thanked God that she saw the black shiny Ferrari in time to slam on her brakes. Her car had a big black gash on the side fender that matched the white one on the mans’ car. She’d taken a few calming breaths after the incident, then she’d stepped out of the car only to have the arrogant man yell at her.

After exchanging insurance information with the man, she made sure to let him have a piece of her mind. She’d let him know that he clearly re-compensating for a small penis with the big flashy car. And how calling the one eight hundred number for Rogaine, wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

On top of being an hour late, she was in a foul mood, which hadn’t pleased the producer. The producer who hadn’t been Justin, which in turn ticked her off more. She’d gone into the booth without warning up and as she sat there listening to the playback of what she’d just recorded, she knew she was paying the consequences.

She’d spent an entire week in New York with Johnny as a punishment for not taking her studio time seriously. Johnny had called her into a meeting to inform her that she would be tagging along on a promotional tour for one of his artists, for the quote on quote ‘learning experience’. She’d wanted to tell him that she knew how it all worked. She’d wanted to tell him that she’d been in the business as long as Justin had, but by the serious intimidating tone he used while informing her, she decided against it. Instead, she sat quietly in his big intimidating office, next to her co-manager, Justin Timberlake, seething at the mouth.

Justin had simply sat there without saying a word the entire time, proving once again that she needed new managers, or maybe just one. She’d left to her hotel suite without a word after that.

Her time in New York was repetitive, to say the least. Interview after interview, she sat in the background wanting to commit herself to psychiatric treatment. She’d been annoyed because she didn’t feel she had a lesson to learn, she already knew how to dodge these interviewers from watching Nsync for so long. She joked with Johnny’s assistant about the fact that she could probably train the new artists, on their interviewing skills, only to have Johnny berate her for it. By the time the end of the week came around she was ready to get back to her own work, which had pleased Johnny. And even if it meant having to be around two people she didn’t necessarily like at the time, she wanted to get to the studio.

But neither was to be found in the studio that morning.

Which only wound her up more, if possible.

“That sounds like shit!” she said into the microphone. The man across the glass from her rolled his eyes at her before proceeding to his earlier task. “What the hell was that look for? I may be singing the damn song but you’re producing it, Nate. So if it sounds like complete fucking shit, it’s as much your fault as it is mine.”

“Such language from such a pretty mouth,” the producer said into the headset, causing her to take them off and slam them against the stool behind her. “Justin did warn me.”

“What did you say?” Amanda asked once out of the booth, grabbing the water bottle she’d left on the counter. “Did he tell you I have a bad attitude?”

“Oh no, I figured that one out on my own,” the producer said with a smirk.

“Whatever!” Amanda said drinking from her water bottle. “Why are you here, Nate? Or should I call you Danja?”

“Producing a song, or butchering it according to you,” he said. “And you can call me anything you want. Hasn’t really stopped you today.”

“I haven’t directly called you anything, but it’s still early,” Amanda commented. “And no shit, I know what your doing, what I mean is why you’re here? Where’s Justin? He’s supposed to be doing this track.”

“He asked me to fill in for him. I owed him,” Nate shrugged.

“You owe him?” Amanda rolled her eyes. “Thanks, Nate. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy to think you actually wanted to work with me.”

“I did. I heard great things about you. None of which I’ve seen or heard today but great things nonetheless. Although the fact that you are beautiful, talented and a complete bitch goes without saying,” the man said with a smile. “Still doesn’t change the fact that I owed Justin a favor.”

“You just called me a bitch and you’re smiling?” Amanda couldn’t help but smile back. “What did Justin do for you? Why do you owe him?”

“Ohh…the nosy part is true too,” the producer laughed. “And to clarify, I didn’t call you a bitch, someone else did.”

“Really? Justin called me a bitch?”

“God, no. Justin claimed the beautiful and talented part,” the producer said with a wink. “The bitch part was all Trace.”

“Assholes,” Amanda mumbled before drinking from her water bottle.

“Speaking of,” the producer said pointing behind her to the door. Trace walked in first carrying a huge McDonalds bag and two cups of sodas. Justin followed with his cell phone attached to his ear while balancing two more cups in his other hand.

“Where the fuck have you two been?” Amanda asked from her seat next to the producer. Justin rolled his eyes at her foul language before greeting Nate with a simple nod. Not acknowledging Amanda’s question he turned to the other side of the room to continue his conversation.

“Nice to see you too, Manda,” Trace said before looking at Nate. “Didn’t I tell you?”

“Yeah I heard what you told him,” Amanda said. “He knows all about what a bitch I am.”

“I’m sure,” Trace said setting the two cups next to the ones Justin sat down on the coffee table. “How’s the track coming along?”

“It’s a piece of shit, thank you very much,” she said quickly. “Completely my fault,” she said giving Nate a smirk. “Why weren’t you two here this morning? All this bullshit talk about punctuality and all that jazz, you weren’t even here.”

“Very perceptive of you,” he shrugged. “And you should talk, you were an hour late,” Trace said. “You guys hungry?”

“I had a reason,” Amanda said. “What kind of assistant are you? I could have needed something.”

“You could of but I,” Trace started to say before Justin came over to them, his hands on his hips.

“What did you do to your car?” he asked angrily and Amanda briefly cringed at the sound before looking up at him.

“What?” Amanda asked with a roll of her eyes.

“That’s an eighty thousand dollar car, Jo,” Justin explained agitated.

“Amanda,” she corrected. “And so what? Some asshole cut in front of me. It wasn’t my fault.”

“Nice, Amanda,” Justin said pronouncing every syllable in her name purposely. “Do you know how much that’s going to cost?”

“What do you care how much it’s going to cost? You don’t have to pay for it,” Amanda shouted back.

“I got you a double cheeseburger, Manda,” Trace said trying to bring the tension down.

“Why wouldn’t I pay for it? I paid eighty already, what’s another five grand to fix the big ass dent? If you wouldn’t drive like you run your mouth, maybe it wouldn’t have happened.”

“What?!” Amanda asked standing defiantly in front of him.

“I’m going to take a guess and say you drive fast and carelessly. Sort of like your mouth does.”

“SHUT UP, TRACE!!” Justin and Amanda yelled at the same time.

“Do you want a cheeseburger, man?” Trace asked the producer. “Cause it looks like we’re the only two civilized people in the room.”

“Whatever!” Amanda said. “I told you, some asshole cut in front of me. It wasn’t my fault!”

“It’s never your fault, Jo,” Justin said setting her to the side with his hand, dismissing her before taking a seat next to Nate. “How’s the track going, Danja?”

“Well, we’ve been,” Nate started to say but was interrupted by Amanda as she stood in between the two men.

“What do you mean, it’s never my fault?” Amanda asked. “It’s not my fault the fucking guy hit my car. You don’t even stop to ask me if I got hurt, you asshole. I couldn’t have gotten hurt! And it’s not my fault this track is shit and it’s surely not my fault that you’re pissed. And…you know what? I don’t really give a shit.”

“Really? Then why are you so intent in letting me know that it wasn’t your fault?”

“Whatever, Justin! What I do know is it’s your fault that,”

“That what?” Justin questioned glancing at Nate, who looked extremely uncomfortable.

“Nothing,” Amanda said.

“That I have what, Amanda? That I have destroyed us? Isn’t that what you said? Or maybe you mean it’s my fault that you have completely turned your back on me when I have never, ever in your entire life turned my fucking back on you. Is it my fault that you’ve managed to do just that, in a matter of seconds? Or maybe it’s my fault that I can’t get five fucking minutes of your precious time, when I’ve given you my ENTIRE life? Is that my FAULT?” turning to Trace he asked. “What do you think Trace?”

“Don’t try to involve me in your bullshit, Justin. You’ve lost your chance,” Trace shrugged.

“I would appreciate if you would please stop discussing my BUSINESS in front of just anyone!” Amanda snapped angrily pointing at Nate. “Just because you’re confused and delusional doesn’t give you the right.”

“I’m going to take that as my cue to get out,” Nate said uncomfortably as he stood to leave.

“I’ll go with you, man,” Trace said grabbing his soda “I’m done dealing with this myself.”

“Confused? Delusional?” Justin questioned from his seat. “You’re incredible, you know that? I’m not confused, I know exactly how I feel. There aren’t a million questions running through my head, unlike yours. And maybe I am delusional because the way that you’re acting is NOT what I pictured in my head. So yeah, I may be delusional, but don’t YOU be confused thinking that I’m unsure about how I feel. And believe me, the past couple of fucking MONTHS I’ve been trying my hardest to feel differently. Which isn’t really fucking working because since I’ve been trying for my entire LIFE!”

“Try harder!” Amanda shouted. “You can’t come in here and try to run the guilt-trip game on me, Justin! It ain’t going to work, so don’t waste your breath!”

“Why not? It seems to me that I’ve wasted my entire life on you, why not the rest of it? I don’t have a fucking thing to waste because what I thought I had, you’ve managed to snatch away.”

“I took what, from you? YOU DID THIS! Not me, drop the reverse psychology bullshit,” she said rolling her eyes as she stood directly in front of his chair.

“Explain that to me, Jo. Explain to me what I’ve done. Because as far as I’m aware, what I ‘did’ was tell you how I felt, how I still feel. And don’t look so damn surprised that it’s still the same way, either. You really think that I would ‘ruin’ us if I wasn’t sure of how I felt? You out of anyone, besides Trace should know me. ME! Justin, your best fucking friend!”

“Shut up, Justin!”

“Why?!” Justin yelled, standing to look down at her. “You don’t like hearing what I have to say? It hurts, doesn’t it? It hurts when your best friend says nasty things, doesn’t it? How does it feel?”

“Shut up, Justin,” she said looking anywhere but him as a tear slipped down her cheek.

“Why are you crying, Jo? Why is it that Jeremy can cheat on you after thirteen years and I have yet to see you cry, Jo? Why?” Justin asked lifting her chin to look at him. “Tell me why you’re fighting. Tell me why the thought of me loving you, scares you so much. Tell me, Jo. Tell me because I can’t do this anymore. I can’t have you hate me, I can’t.”

“Please don’t, Justin.” Amanda said in a whisper as she choked back the flow of tears that threatened to spill.

“If you don’t want me to touch you, why aren’t you backing away, Jo? If the thought of me kissing you is crazy, why aren’t you stopping me?” Justin said as he closed the space between them slowly.

“Don’t,” Amanda said causing Justin to hesitate for a split second before continuing his path toward her lips.

“Stop me,” Justin whispered back before he slowly placed his lips on hers. The simple contact lasted what seemed like centuries, before Justin spoke, his lips moving against hers. “What are you so scared about, Jojo?”

Pushing away from him, she stood looking at him. The tears that threatened to spill earlier, making their live presence. She couldn’t speak and she was having a hard time breathing, but she stood there quietly looking at him. The sound of the door opening and banging against the wall, as Trace walked in with Elisha, startled her making her jump at the sound.

“Hey, girly,” Elisha said quietly. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, umm I just…have allergies,” Amanda said quickly, turning to grab a few Kleenex tissues from the shelf over the soundboard. When she couldn’t reach, Justin reached over her and handed her the box. She took the box without looking at him, before she cleaned up her face and turned toward Elisha. “How you doing, girl?”

“Good,” Elisha said with a smile as she hugged her. “You sure, you okay?”

“She’s fine, Elish. Leave it alone,” Trace said from behind her with a roll of his eyes at Justin.

“I’m good, Elisha, thanks for asking,” Justin said sarcastically as he took his seat again.

“Boy, you know better than to mess with me,” Elisha said giving him a smirk and taking a seat on the couch. “Did you make this mess?” she asked waving her hands across the mess of food on the coffee table.

“That’s all your man,” Justin said with a smirk to match hers.

“Where’s Nate?” Amanda asked with a sniffle.

“He left,” Trace said taking a seat next to Elisha, putting his arm around her shoulder, making her snuggle against him.

“He left? What about this track?” Amanda asked with a sniffle, before clearing her throat. “This is the kind of responsible people you hire?”

“I didn’t hire him,” Justin said. “He owed me a favor, I’m here now, so it doesn’t matter.”

“Are either of you eating? Cause this food is getting cold,” Trace asked before popping a french fry in his mouth.

“I’ll eat,” Amanda said quietly, taking a seat across the table.

“I’m not hungry,” Justin said turning toward the soundboard and setting headphones over his ears shortly after glancing at Amanda from the corner of his sad eyes.

“Suit yourself,” Trace mumbled before grabbing a cheeseburger and handing it to Amanda.

“So what are you working on today?” Elisha asked Amanda, before the tension in the room slowly broke. Justin turned to watch Amanda, she seemed to become animated as she spoke about the recording process.

Justin caught Trace’s eyes as he looked up at him. Trace simply nodded at him, silently asking him if he was okay. Justin nodded back and returned his line of vision toward Amanda once again. He remained sad and hurt but as he turned toward the soundboard, a smile decorated his face. He felt confident that his best friend had been right, even though he’d never let Trace know that.

If Amanda couldn’t see what was in front of her, he needed to show her. And he had a tiny bit of hope that he’d shown her, even if it was a little tiny bit.

Main - Next

hbtracktwelveremixes Sunshine (Remix #1)

How old are you? At your age, don’t you feel tiny when someone reprimands you? I know I did. Johnny is the sweetest man you’d ever meet, right up until the moment where he becomes your manager. By that time, you only get to see the sweet man, occasionally. But I love him, he’s the best manager a person could have because let’s be honest here. Justin is no manager. He knows the industry and all that jazz, but so do I from being around it all my life, but Justin doesn’t do what Johnny does. Justin tags along, sort of, as I did with Nsync. It works, and I can deal with that. What I can’t deal with is Johnny calling me on my bullshit. He’s tough!

Speaking of bullshit, it’s been a while since Lynn has been around. She claims she has other things to do and write, but tell me, what’s more important than the three of us. Nothing, that’s what. I love her though so I’m done talking negative about her.

But I’m sure you’re dying to hear negative things about me. This track is a bit tough for me. I realize I was over-reacting but damn, come on! Work with me here. I keep repeating myself to you, I know, but what was I supposed to do? I was scared, yes, I admit it, and there you have it. Terrified.

I was being a complete brat and to think that I was fooling anyone is incredible. I wasn’t even fooling myself, either, which is the kicker. I knew, I knew that whether I fought it or not that I would have to surrender at some point.

I loved Justin Timberlake.

And when I went back to my hotel suite, I cried my ass off. I was shaking and my stomach was in knots. What would happen if I threw all the scary feelings out the window? What if I stopped lying to myself? And more importantly, when would he kiss me again? Jesus, I felt that kiss in my toes. No lie. However, we’ll get to that in more details later.

So anyway, where was I? Oh, I was spending my nights at the Mondrian (if you’re even in the Los Angeles area, please check it out. It’s gorgeous.) and my days at the studio, where I wasted my time being a complete bitch to both Justin and Trace. I was miserable. I think everyone involved was. And although in my head I wished that I didn’t have to go into the studio with Justin and Trace, my heart said otherwise. I wanted to see them, I wanted to be around them, even if we were at each other’s throats ninety percent of the time. And the truth was, every time Justin would look at me, I felt like running toward him and telling him that I loved him too. But that was just in my head. Way, way, way back in my head.

So for being a bitch, I paid the consequences. Johnny shipped my ass to New York for a week, where I had to watch Danity Kane, do interview after interview. Talk about boring! If there is one thing I hate about this industry is having to answer the same questions over and over again. If I had it my way I would get all the journalists/reporters that wanted to interview me in one room, then I would have to answer questions about Justin, myself and my music, only once. But that’s just a dream. Blah.

I asked Lynn not to tell you guys that Justin and I have matching cars because of what you might think. You think it’s ridiculous right? Well it’s not really, all three of us had the same car. Justin’s was black, and I say was because he no longer has it, and he was the last person to get it. So it’s not like I wanted it cause he had it. I got mine as a college graduation gift, (Yeah, from Justin. Get over it! Don’t hate!) and Trace got his cause he was being a baby when he saw mine, so he bought one (Didn’t I tell you that Trace got dough). Trace’s is black, as well, but he has red interior so it looks different than Justin’s. And Justin got one as a gift from Johnny, so it wasn’t planned. Not too much. What can I say? We have good taste.
 
 
 

So you’re probably asking yourself what business grandma had being in the studio. And believe me, I asked myself that too. She had a lot of nerve. God, I can’t stand her. No, not because of who her ex is (Justin) but because I simply hate her. Till this day, when we run into her at events I have to turn the other way. She’s a bitch (I should talk) and I want to beat her ass every time. And don’t think I turn the other way to avoid her, I turn because Justin makes me. But one of these days, I swear she’s gonna catch me alone. And oh boy, I’m drooling at the thought.

So anyway, on to a better subject. Oh, lets’ talk about my assistant. What a dick! I love him to death but he gets on my last nerve. FYI: He’s in the room, and I had to say that.

Reading this track I have to give Justin credit for trying. I mean there was no hope for me at that time cause I had my mind set on ignoring the truth, but he did try. But then my dirtball cousin started to put shit in his head and then Justin had to go and get just a bitchy as me. Justin may be one of the most sought-out musicians and an idol to you guys, but believe me when I tell you that he’s a total bitch when he wants to be.

Ohh, let’s talk about the tracks Justin wrote. Those were interesting to say the least. Looking back at them now, I realize that he really loves me, he really, really does. I’m sorry I just had to throw that in there. I know you guys love him, and he loves you back but sometimes it kinda irks me. Just sometimes. Like when I get hate messages on myspace. I can’t help the fact that this man loves me, I can’t. Going to my myspace page and telling me to go fuck myself isn’t going to change that. Sorry.

Speaking of myspace, I need to log on more often. I haven’t done it in a long while. I’m afraid that if I start blogging I’ get addicted like Trace, and that’s not good. I have better things to do, like Justin for example. Ha!

I know you think I was a complete bitch to that photographer but I will have you know that he was fired. No, Trace had nothing to do with it, but apparently he’s not a very patient person and it caught up to him. I don’t know the full details about it but I know there were a few items thrown at his face. Ha ha!

So I need to cut this short but I know I promised to talk about the kiss. So what can I say, but WOW. Damn that boy just doesn’t know how good he is. Well he does, cause he has a big head, ya know how he is. But THAT to ME was the first time he kissed me. I know that I kissed him before but I was drunk, and I don’t remember it. Which is a damn shame because after that day at the studio, my curiosity was peaked. To think that I felt those lips and I was basically unconscious is a damn shame. I can’t describe the feeling of being kissed by Justin. I just can’t, I can sit here and tell you that it’s incredible, magical and out of this world, but none of those words do it  justice. It’s just WOW, that’s it.

I have to get going I have to meet Britney, Sean and the new baby for lunch. Justin should be getting in soon, he was picking up Rachel at the airport. You know her, his cousin. She’s coming to get her fitting for.. ohh what am I doing? I can’t tell you that.

Gotta go! Bye!

hbtrackthirteen Track Thirteen (Yes Or No)

Los Angeles
Two Months Later….

Amanda walked the area between the white sectional sofas one more time before walking to the window once again. That had been her pattern for almost two hours as she waited. Her patience was running thin and she’d wanted to forget the waiting game and call, about three times in two hours' time.

She hadn’t seen or talked to him in four weeks and before that she hadn’t seen him since the album was finished. From the day her album was finished, her life had literally gone into a tailspin. She’d shot her first single’s video the following day, with no preparations. Johnny had been by her side the entire time, guiding her in areas where she needed to be. Trace had been there for the ride the entire time, as well, putting up with her mood swings and her nervous fits.

When she’d decided to give in and record an album, she hadn’t thought that she would be nervous to embark in her promotional tour because she knew she’d always have the unconditional support of her best friends. She didn’t think that she’d be embarking on a promotional tour without one of them and without him, she was a mess. She needed him and was hurt that he wasn’t around. Of course, she knew, Trace filled him in on everything that was going on, as her manager and as his best friend.

Trace would sneak out of the hotel suite in New York and she always knew that he was on the phone with Justin when he did. She tried to act as if everything was normal and while Trace and herself were getting along, she knew that things were a bit strained. It was uncomfortable for Trace to speak of him or mention that Justin wanted her to do this or that, as her manager and she knew it. The amount of time that she’d spent in New York, promoting her album was the longest they’d been apart. It was hard on Trace and it was especially hard on Amanda. She missed Justin incredibly even if she acted as if she didn’t and even though she’d spend two weeks in the studio with Justin, it had been strictly music related. They weren’t on friendly terms when she left.

She would go into the studio everyday, Justin and Trace would be waiting for her with a hot cup of tea being extended to her by Trace. The other stradlers, including Danja, Marty and Pharell, that came in the studio while they recorded kept all three of their minds from each other. It had only served one purpose, though, and that was just pushing the simmering pot to the backburner. Eventually the pot would start boiling and a bigger mess would unfold.

The mess came when her cousin had helped open her eyes. He’d start reminiscing about their childhood. Reminding her of all that she’d gone through with her father and especially reminding her that Justin had been there, every time. He’d pointed out times where both, Amanda and Justin, were his life. And how much Justin loved both of them when he could have left them behind when he became famous. He’d tell her how she never looked at Jeremy the same way she looked at Justin, and that she needed to open her eyes and most importantly her heart. He’d say those things to her and leave her to her own misery, alone in her hotel suite. Crying.

She’d gotten into Los Angeles three hours earlier and instead of having Johnny drop her off at her hotel, she’d come home. The last time she’d seen Trace had been two days prior, when he’d gone home to see Elisha. She was sure; he’d filled Justin in on how miserable she’d been without him. How miserable she still felt.

The limo driver had all her bags out of the car and just inside the door before she’d said goodbye to Johnny. She’d promised to call him in a week and he’d promised to not schedule any more interviews for another month. She’d done what was required of her by Jive, now she had to sit back and watch her album grow or flop. She was confident that the latter wouldn’t occur, not because she knew she was good. But because of the name attached to it, it would create a buzz and while she was grateful for his voluntary work, she didn’t really care one way or the other. She wasn’t as happy as she should be and the reason for her unhappiness was apparently out somewhere.

She’d walked in to an empty house. The lights had been turned very low and surprisingly her album played very softly throughout the house. Hearing the music coming from the surround sound throughout the house, she’d expected Justin to be lying on the sofa in the playroom, where the system was.  Instead, she found all the light off in that room as well. She’d heard enough of her album the past two months and decided that she wasn’t in the mood to hear it again. Touching the screen to the system, making it come alive with bright lights in the darkened room; she opted to play something else. The beginning chords to Like I Love You made her smile before she slowly walked out of the room.

She’d walked back to the white family room and while she knew every picture in that room by heart, she’d been curious. Walking around the room looking at the pictures that decorated the walls, tabletops and chimney mantle, she’d smiled, chuckled to herself, and shed a tear or two.

She’d smiled at the picture of three four year olds in a kiddie pool. She was amazed that she could remember that day. She knew it was probably her imagination going wild, but she remembered every waking moment she’d spent with her two boys. Even back then, when she was a kid, she believed her cousin was her heart, helping her through everything, through life. And Justin, he’d been both, her heart and soul. She’d always known, and she’d always kept those thoughts inside of her. They were her life.

The picture of her and Trace dressed as the all mighty Justin Timberlake for Halloween had made her chuckle. Justin had been petrified and embarrassed hadn’t been the word to describe him that night. Amanda and Trace had shown up at Johnny’s compound wearing big curly wigs under bandanas. She’d opted to dress in his No Strings Attached tour outfit while Trace had gone for the Bye Bye Bye video outfit. Everyone had loved their idea and they’d won for best costume. Next to that picture was another of Justin and Britney, the only one remaining of them in the house, at the same party. She hadn’t paid close attention to the picture until then, realizing that behind Justin and Britney as they posed for the camera, were she, Jeremy and Trace laughing at a nearby table. It was a good picture and she realized why it was still up on display. Her homeboy had been too cool for the dressing up idea and had managed to slip into the party as himself, making all three of them look somewhat odd. Britney had been the princess of the ball and she had been beautiful.

She’d missed Britney and when she looked at that picture of them, she felt for the first time, guilty. The picture made her think back to the conversation she had with Justin, when he’d told her that she’d cheated on him. The first tears had slipped from her eyes then. She knew in her heart that Britney hadn’t cheated, she knew her just as well as Justin did, and she wouldn’t have done that. She just wouldn’t have, Britney loved him and that fact, made her realize that it had been Justin who had done the cheating. Not physically, she knew, but she believed the cause of their break-up had something to do with her. It saddened her.

The second set of tears came after a few more smiles when she locked her eyes on a picture of her with Justin. It had been taken by Trace during the after-party for the Grammys when he’d won his two. He hadn’t been as proud as he should have been because of the Janet Jackson situation that year but Amanda had been proud of him that night enough for both of them. Trace had taken the picture unexpectently with his phone and she had been laughing at something Justin had said. She remembered having had his undivided attention the entire night and hadn’t given much thought to it until she glanced at the picture. The look on Justin’s face spoke volumes. While she tried to ignore it in the past, she heard it loud and clear then. She’d placed the picture on the large coffee table and had stared at it for half an hour before she started to pace the floor. Cry Me A River played the third time around as she stared out the window.

She must have missed his car pull into one of the garages in the process of looking out the window and pacing because she heard the garage door leading to the house open and close. Turning where she stood, by the window facing the front of the house, she waited for him to walk past the family room.

“Trace!” she heard him yell out from down the hall. She knew he must have been placing his golf clubs in the closet. “What the fuck are you playing this for?!”

She rolled her eyes at his modesty and shook her head at the fact that he never liked listening to himself in his own house. A stupid rule that she never understood.

“Trace!” he yelled again as he walked past the family room, where she stood quietly, obviously missing her, and went into the kitchen.

“Trace!” he yelled once again and it was obvious he was getting irritated. His face looked thin and she wondered if he’d eaten anything at all since she’d been gone. After drinking directly from an orange juice carton in the fridge he started walking toward the family room, wiping droplets of juice from his golfing sweater. His head was down as he entered the room and she stood back watching him. The first thing he saw when he looked up was the picture frame she’d placed on the coffee table and a frown appeared on his face, making her almost cry. Maybe she was too late; maybe he’d given up. He grabbed the picture frame from the table and finally looked around the room.

She saw the look of shock that washed over his face when he saw her at the other end of the large family room, and then he looked at the picture in his hand again. “Did you come for the rest of your things?” he asked in a barely audible voice as he placed the picture back on the mantle.

“It’s a beautiful picture,” Amanda said from where she still stood, her back against the wall. She didn’t bother wiping the lone tear that came from her eye. Her emotions were running on high and she couldn’t remember ever being that happy to see him. So happy and excited that it made her cry.

“All of our pictures were beautiful, Jo,” Justin said as he stood by the large screen television on the far side of the room.

“Were?” she asked and prayed to God that he wasn’t speaking in past tense.

“Yes, were. Now they are…” he stopped his words to look up at her. He looked worn and sad as he spoke. “Now they’re just pictures.”

“Tell me where the name Jojo came from?” she asked and slowly walked to the back of the sectional sofa in the middle of the room.

“What?” he asked shocked, looking at her briefly and retuning his gaze outside the window by the television.

“Why do you call me Jojo?” she asked again and by the time she walked around to sit on the sofa the tears spilled freely from her eyes. “Tell me.”

“Why Amanda? What’s the purpose?” he asked and the fact that he called her by her name made her cringe.

“Please tell me, homeboy,” she asked with a sniffle.

Justin looked at her when she called him that and after a few seconds he walked back to the mantle grabbing the picture of him and Britney. Walking over to her, he handed her the picture frame and she looked up at him after glancing at the picture. She wasn’t sure at what she was supposed to be looking. “What am I looking at?”

“How about this one?” he asked grabbing another picture frame from one of the end tables. The picture was an old one; they were about nine years old. Justin and Trace were to the right of the picture; Trace’s arms over Justin’s shoulder while he stood on tip toes to do it. That made her smile and on the left of the picture she stood there with Jeremy’s hand on her shoulder. Four kids, posing for a picture, all with big grins on their faces except Justin. Little Justin was caught looking to his right with a sad expression on his face.  “That’s where it came from.”

“I don’t understand,” Amanda said with a wrinkled brow as she looked up at his standing figure over her. The only two similarities in the pictures were Jeremy and Trace. “What does Jojo have to do with Trace and Jeremy?”

“Not Trace,” Justin said sitting on the sofa to the side of her. “Jeremy.”

“Justin, what are you saying?” she asked putting the pictures on the large coffee table across from her. “What does Jeremy have to do with it?”

“Why are you asking me these questions, Jo? What do you want?”

“I want you to tell me why you’ve been calling me Jojo my entire life. I want to know what it means,” she said wiping the tears from her eyes. “Tell me, Justin.”

“Jesus, I swore I would never tell anyone,” Justin said covering his face and leaning his head against the sofa’s headrest. “I’ve never told anyone. Not momma. Not even Trace, Jo.”

“I won’t tell. I swear,” Amanda said looking at him. “Trust me.”

“Trust you?” he asked with a chuckle that wasn’t quite honest. The words were obviously a joke coming from her, she could tell. “I did trust you. I trusted you more than anyone.”

“You don’t trust me anymore, Justin?” Amanda asked and her heart cracked at the admission.

“I don’t know,” Justin said with a shrug. “I would but…I don’t know, Jo. You have really outdone yourself this time. You turned your back on me.”

“I know, I know I did,” she kept her eyes on him as she spoke, watching his lips with every word. “What does it mean Justin?”

“You’re beginning to be as annoying as Trace, Jo!” He said standing to walk toward his earlier spot, by the television. “It means I’ve always been ‘Jealous Of Jeremy Owens’, there it is, there’s the big secret. Jesus, I can’t believe I said that out loud!”

“You were jealous? Of what?” Amanda asked standing across from him.

“I’m not repeating it so you can forget it,” Justin said looking out the window. “What are you doing here? You have an interview scheduled today in New York,” he was speaking to her in a business manner and she wanted to cry out that it was her, his homegirl; he didn’t need to speak to her that way.

“I had Johnny cancel it,” she said looking up at him. “I wanted to come home.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you want to come home? You had Trace and Johnny with you. You had what you needed, Jo. That’s what you said, right? You only wanted Trace and Johnny to come along. Right?” he sounded hurt and a bit angry when he spoke and she turned her eyes toward her shoes.

“I was wrong,” she mumbled.

“What?” he asked.

“I was wrong,” Amanda said again. “I needed you. I missed you.”

“You missed me? How could you say that, Jo? You didn’t pick up the phone once, not once. You barely spoke to me while we were in the studio let alone look at me. You left me, Jo. You left me not as the man that loved you but as your best friend. You left!”

“I’m sorry,” she cried. “I was confused, Justin. I was angry and hurt and terrified. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to feel, period. My best friend suddenly decides that he loves me? What could I do?”

“Suddenly?!” Justin’s voice raised a few notches as he stormed to the other side of the room. “It wasn’t suddenly, Jo! I loved you for as long as I can remember. We were nine in that picture! Nine! How could you say suddenly?”

“I’m sorry,” she cried again.

“Why do you keep apologizing? That’s not what I want to hear, Jo. I want to hear you say that it’s okay. I don’t even want to hear that you feel the same way; all I want is my best friend. But she packed herself up and left without a fucking word! That’s what I’M sorry about!”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how I felt. I’m sorry you feel like I left you, Justin, I really am. I was a mess, please understand, I was confused.”

“Confused about what? I was pretty clear with what I said. We’ve never had a problem understanding each other, Jo. We’ve always been able to just look into each other’s eyes and just know. How can I make it clearer? I don’t want you to tell me that you’re in love with me, Jo. I just need you to tell me that I didn’t loose my best friend. Tell me that our lives together, as friends, didn’t end when you left L.A., two months ago. Tell me that you leaving me was just a lapse in judgment.”

“I do love you,” she said looking up at him. “You know that.”

“Then why would you say the things you’ve said to a friend you love? Why treat your friends that way?”

“You don’t understand,” she said wiping at tears from her face.

“I think I do understand. You can love me as your best friend but when the tables are turned and I love you more than that, it’s wrong? Right? Is that what you’re going to say?”

“Jesus Christ, Justin!” she says raising her voice. “Shut the fuck up for a minute!”

“Why are you yelling?!” he yelled back.

“You’ve been yelling and talking for the past five fucking minutes! God, you’re so annoying! I can’t believe I’m in love with that I must be a complete fucking idiot!” she said covering her face with both hands.

“I haven’t been yelling! Now I’m yelling! And wait…what?” Justin asked looking at her, eyes bugging out of his head in shock. “What did you say?”

“You fucking heard me,” she mumbled from inside her own hands that still covered her face.

“Did you just call yourself a fucking idiot for being in love with me?” Justin asked and she could tell that he had his signature smirk on his face.

“Wipe the fucking smirk off your face, Timberlake.”

“What? What smirk? What are you talking about? Are you talking about being in love with me? Because that’s what I heard. You said you must be a com…..”

“I know what I said!” she said removing her hands from her face and looking up at him, with a shy smile.

“Say it again, Jo,” Justin said as he placed both his hands on either side of her head to lean over her on the sofa without contact.  “You can leave the can’t believe and fucking idiot out, completely optional, but I would prefer is you would.”

“I..” she started to say but was suddenly choked up at the look in his eyes. They were shining and she couldn’t remember ever seeing them that blue in her entire life. She imagined hers looked identical to his. “I’m in love with you and I always have been. I’ve just been terrified of admitting it.”

“That’s much better,” Justin said calmly trying his best not to get teary eyed. It almost worked until he looked into her eyes. “Now I need you to do something for me,” he spoke softly and slowly, making her feel like she’d never felt before, ever.

“Oh my God, now I know why girls fall at your feet,” Amanda said with a deep exhale and a laugh. It had been too long since she’d seen him. He made her feel beyond happy; his presence overjoyed her, made her laugh. “I’ll do anything, what do you need me to do?”

“I’m going to ignore the fact that you said anything, just for right now,” he said throwing his head back with a laugh. “You’re in trouble, just so you know,” looking back down at her he spoke with a smile on his face. “Are you going to kiss me or what? Cause that’s what I need right….”

He didn’t finish the sentence because Amanda’s lips met his in a soft, long awaiting kiss. The contact made Justin jump in shock and made her toes curl. Amanda had been dreaming of that kiss for weeks and had become highly obsessed with his lips for as long as she could admit to. The time she’d spent apart from him had been agonizing. She never thought she could miss someone that way until she left Justin, her best friend, behind.

Pulling away just enough to break the contact, she looked into his eyes with a smile on her face. He was blushing and she couldn’t help but smile wider. “You talk too much, homeboy. Do you want to waste another twenty-four years talking?” she asked placing another soft kiss on his lips.

“Why would I want to do that?” Justin asked with a smile as she grabbed the front of his sweater and pulled him onto the couch. Lifting herself up from the sofa, she slowly sat sideways on his lap, making his eyes open wide. “You know you can’t do that anymore without consequences, right?”

“I know,” she smiled. “I know.”

“I did mention that you’re in trouble, right?” Justin asked as he placed his left hand on her knee. Reaching behind her head with his right hand he pulled her down to him, whispering merely an inch from her lips. “I’ve been waiting to kiss you this way since puberty,” and he placed his lips on hers, coaxing her mouth open.

A moan escaped from her mouth and the sound of it made Justin’s left hand touch the side of her face, making her as close to him as possible.

“If you MUST make out with my cousin, can you do it somewhere were pictures of your mothers aren’t present? It’s quite disrespectful,” the sound of their best friend’s voice didn’t surprise either one of them and neither pulled away from each other. “That’s just wrong,” Trace said walking past them, as they remained lip-locked, turning the picture of Lynn and Amanda’s mother face down on the end table. “And why the hell are you two making out to Let’s Take A Ride? You ain’t taking my cousin on NO RIDE. You hear me J? Hello?”

Trace pretended to be upset as he left the room, strictly for their benefit, but as he turned the corner to leave out the front door, a smile decorated his features. “About fucking time!”

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hbtrackthirteenremixes Yes, of course! (Remix #1)

So how did I do? Did you read that track and let out a sigh of relief? Or maybe you said what Trace said and I quote ‘about fucking time’, is that what you said?  Are you happy now? Are you happy that I came to my senses? Are you proud of me? I am.

Yes, yes I know that you’re thinking, ‘what the hell took her so long?’ and yeah I get it. But aren’t you glad that I did. I took the chance; I took that chance to loose him completely by admitting to my own feelings.

Think about it.

I spent two months apart from him and I almost went ballistic. Don’t get me wrong I promoted the crap out of my album. Smiling for the cameras and posing for countless pictures with Justin fans that were becoming mine as well. But when the hectic day was over I retuned to the hotel suite. That’s when I was miserable. I cried like I’ve never cried before because I was petrified.

If Justin telling me that he loved me, caused that loneliness that I felt every moment while on tour. Imagine how it would have felt if I returned his feelings and it went caput. I couldn’t have taken it. Of course now, I know I will spend the rest of my life loving this man, but back then, back then I was scared to loose him completely. As my best friend and as the man that I loved.

I loved my homeboy for a long time before I decided that enough was enough. I need him in my life and unfortunately it took those two months apart from him to admit that. I was stupid and you can say it. Go ahead.

When I walked into that house that day, I was literally shaking. My legs barely contained my weight and I wanted to run out of there and figure out another way to get my friend back. But I refrained because I’d been running my entire life. Running away from something that always caught up with me.

When I was with Jeremy I just knew that I was wrong about my feelings. I adored Jeremy with all my heart and I believe he gave me the same type of love, making everything so much easier for so many years. But Justin was always around, always making me feel like a traitor of sorts. Justin was always that cake that I couldn’t eat, ya know. But what’s the use of having cake if I can’t eat it? And boy did I get a slice of that!

Anyway, the wait in the house was the nail in the coffin, ya know. I HAD to tell him, I had to tell him that I couldn’t live without him. I had to tell him that I loved him back and that I always had. I just HAD to and maybe I was being selfish but I didn’t care. I know I should have eased my way back to him but I couldn’t sit around and try to be Jojo again, ya know. I knew that even though he said repeatedly that he didn’t care if I didn’t love him back, I knew that if I lied and said those words, it would have crushed him. I know my friend from head to toe and that admission, although a lie would have sent him into the depressions state he went through in the past. I couldn’t do that to him. But I also couldn’t tell him anything else. I needed to get away, I needed to think and I used my promotional tour as that source of ‘being away’. Little did I know that it would backfire on me. The first two days away, were good. I did my interviews and managed to answer questions about Justin and our work together without giving it much thought. But by the third day when my single had been number on in a major radio station in New York and I wanted to call my best fiend to fill him in, I couldn’t. I couldn’t pick up the phone and tell him because I had left him.

I know Trace told him about everything that had been going on so in a way he experienced everything that I did. But it wasn’t the same. I needed his encouraging hugs and words. I needed to hear him call me Jojo. I need him, period.

Speaking of Jojo, that’s deep isn’t it? He was jealous of Jeremy Owens. Can you believe that? Unfortunately he still calls me that but I don’t think it means the same thing. He’s shortened it to Jo and he says that it’s a force of habit. I don’t mind because he’s been doing it for so long, it’s strange to hear him call me Amanda. He only does it when he’s mad at me or annoyed and well that happens for about a second then I just kiss him. He calls me Jo after that.

Okay this is getting depressing; I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Let’s talk about something else. Ohh let’s talk about the Halloween when Trace and I dressed like Justin. We had so much fun that night. I need to convince Johnny to have another Halloween party. You should have seen Justin’s face. He was so embarrassed, which of course was the purpose. When Trace and I team up, Justin wishes we were dead, I swear. But then again when Justin and Trace team up I wan to kill the as well so it works out. Justin and I gang up on Trace all the time too. Although lately it’s been Elisha and Trace ganging up on Justin and I and well that’s not fun. Trace has not only found a girl, he’s found an accomplice. That little jerk!

Speaking of Trace, this message is for him, Justin has taken me on several rides, all worth every minute. Ha ha! How you like them apples?

Anyway I’m going to cut this short cause I have things to do today. Ohh and Britney says hello, and she can’t wait to get back to work. You should see the kids, they’re so freaking cute!

Alright, ya’ll one more track!

I want to take this opportunity to thank you. I want to thank you for listening and maybe…jut maybe loving me. Are you a fan? No not of Justin, but of me? I’m a huge fan of yours and I’ve enjoyed every minute I’ve spent with you. I’m glad that we did this; I’ve gained you as a listener, if nothing else. I’ve gained a friend in Lynn and she’s awesome! And I’ve gained an opportunity to exploit my best friends as well as myself. That’s always fun! I tear just slip from my eye, I’ll have you know. I’m going to miss you a great deal. I think every time I sit here in front of this computer screen, I’ll think of you and I’ll miss you. Thanks again from the bottom of my heart.

Love always, Amanda ‘Jo’ Reyes

P.S. Go cop my album, in stores now, yo! (Oh God, I have been cloned into ghetto Justin Timberlake)

Till we meet again! Bye! (Tears)
 

Yeah! (Remix #2)

Wow! It’s the end? :(

I spent weeks on end in front of this screen and for once, I’m speechless.  Don’t know what to say.

I guess I can start by thanking Lynn for this experience. Without her none of this would have been possible. In the beginning I couldn’t even do anything beside press the ‘on’ button on this thing. (I’ve never been computer savvy.) Now I’m able to open files and type, all thanks to Lynn. I’ve become kind of addicted to this computer and sometimes Jo has to drag me away. It’s nowhere near Trace’s obsession with myspace, but it’s an addiction of mine.

When I met Lynn a few months ago, I was skeptical, I ain’t gonna lie. I thought she was a fan, who wanted to exploit in front of the world. But it turned out that Jo wanted to exploit us, not Lynn. Nah, I’m kidding! In a way we were put out there with our business but it wasn’t that bad. I enjoyed it. Would I d it again? I hardly think so. When something is good the way it is why jeopardize it? I think this is what it is, ya know? It’s a good thing.

I want to thank you for sitting on that chair; I know that shit can be a pain in the ass, no pun intended. Ohh fuck it, the pun was intended. You’ve stuck with us for this entire thing when you could have click on that cute little X on the right top corner of this page. You’ve listened to us, you have laughed and cried with us. And I truly appreciate that. It is fans like you that make me get up every morning. (Well, Jo yelling to get my ass off bed, too.) I love you too!

And lastly I’d like to thank Mr. Ayala and Ms. Reyes for being my best friends in the whole entire world. I love you guys with all my heart!

I’m going to stop typing now before I fucking cry, seriously. I’m going to miss you.

Notice how I didn’t mention a thing about this track because it is what it is. You knew what was going to happen, no need to retell it, AGAIN. So there!
I love you guys and until Lynn can convince me to do this again, Bye ya’ll!

One more thing, this is the ghetto orgasm donor signing out!

Love, Justin

P.S. Here’s a little secret about what I’ll be doing in a few months: Sexy will be back!
 

Yup! (Remix #3)

Jesus, what a fucking pussy! This isn’t the fucking Grammy’s, Bro! Get over it. Did he say he was going to cry? Out loud?

I need new friends.

So this is it, huh?

Well I don’t deal well with goodbyes, what the fuck am I saying? I don’t deal with goodbyes, period. So it’s been real! Peace out.

P.S. I wouldn’t trade my friends for the world.  Ohh and I’m in love, Go fucking figure!
 

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hbtrackfourteen Track Fourteen (Fairytales)

The crowd roared as she stepped onto the stage. The cool floor of the stage made her tiny feet feel good as she walked. Wearing a simple pair of jeans and a white tee with ‘JT is dork’ embezzled in baby blue on the front; she made her way to the lone bar stool on the edge of the stage. The lights were bright and the audience got louder as she became visible on the massive stage. Her inner ear was useless, as she removed both of them from her ears. She smiled and flirted with the crowd, she waved like a little child.  Faces she couldn’t see, but she took the time to look around the arena as far as she could see. The posters that were being held up made her smile.

“That’s a very nice poster, you got there,” she said pointing to a guy on the first row. “I’ll make sure to tell him you said he was the luckiest man on the planet! I agree!!” she said with a wide smile and a flirty wink toward the guy.

Looking around and signaling the sound control booth to raise the volume on her microphone a notch, she smiled at the audience. The massive jumbotron behind her had a close-up shot of her face and she pretended to be scared at the sight of it.

“Scary, isn’t it? That thing is huge!” she laughed. Standing from the stool she slowly walked toward the right hand side of the stage’s edge, making that area of the arena even louder as she did so. “I would ask, how you guys are doing tonight but wow, I think I know,” she laughed when the crowd got louder.

“You know,” she started to say as she walked slowly toward the other side. “I usually come out here at this time, sit on my stool here,” she said patting the stool as she walked by it. “And I sing Fairytales for you guys, you know, a very laid back, sexy performance.”

At the mention of sexy, the crowd went into a frenzy, screaming I love yous and she didn’t miss the I love Justin’s either. She laughed and pointed as some more posters in the crowd, giving thumbs up to many of them.

“Tonight though,” she spoke into her microphone. “Tonight is the last show of this tour,” the crowd awed and some booed at the idea, making her laugh again.

“I’ve enjoyed every single moment of this tour, my very first tour. Can you believe that?” the crowd cheered and Amanda placed her right hand over her heart in gratitude. “I owe you.”

Making her way back to her stool, she acted silly for the crowd below her and their cameras, making funny faces and acting like a super model. “When you get those developed you’ll be happy I choose this profession,” she laughed.

“As I was saying, before I interrupted myself,” she giggled. “Tonight is the last show and although every single show has been special, I think tonight is the most special of all.”

“Tonight I get to come out here and hang out with you guys for a few minutes. You know, Justin told,” at the mention of his name, the arena became louder than what it had been, making her jump a bit, but not surprising her at all. She knew the reaction fans had to him and she’d intended to get just that, when she said his name.

“Relax, ladies. Breathe,” she joked. “You wouldn’t like him to see you hyperventilating at my concert, now would you?” she laughed. “I mean I’m not saying that he can see you right now or anything. He’s not here or anything,” she said as the jumbotron displayed the wink she directed at the crowd. The screams shook the stage and she smiled wide.

“It took me twenty some odd years to get here. My cousin, Trace,” not surprisingly, the crowd reacted to that name as well. “He was the person who told me that I needed to do this. For years, he said that I needed to shut up and sing. I don’t know, that doesn’t sound like he’s very smart, but you know what he means,” she joked.

“Looking at every single one of you tonight, I’m so glad I listened. I’m so glad I did it. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart, for making me number one. Thank you,” the crowd cheered and she bowed to them with gratitude and respect.

“None of this would have been possible without the insistence of you know,” she said with a smile and another wink. “You know his name… I’m scared to say his name! You guys are craaazzzyyyyy. It’s just Justin!” she laughed once again when the crowd went wild.

“I wouldn’t be standing here in front of you tonight, if he hadn’t pushed me to be the best that I can be.  I’ve known Justin,” the crowd screamed.

“Justin,” she said making them scream more. “Justin,” she said again.

“Did I mention that you guys are insaneeeee?” she looked behind her, to her band, and laughed as the crowd cheered.

“I’m going to try and not say his name,” she whispered into he microphone. “Let’s just call him the dork. My shirt isn’t just a prop, guys!” she said stretching her tee for the camera to pan in on it.

“I’ve known him my entire life and while some of you might think that’s the greatest thing in the world. It’s not!” she shook her head looking down. “Nah! I’m kidding! I want to thank him tonight for everything that he’s done for me. So thank you, Just…I mean dork!” she said making the crowd louder purposely.

“I wish he could be here tonight, but I’m sorry I can’t deliver him to you,” she said sadly. “But I made him record a message for you. Yeah you heard me, made him,” she laughed.

“I haven’t seen the video myself,” she said standing in the center of the stage pointing behind her to the jumbotron. “I’m curious, aren’t you?” she asked the crowd and the response made the stage shake once again.

“Before you see that, though. I want to thank all of you again for coming tonight. I appreciate every single word you’ve sung along with me. Every single poster you’ve taken the time to make. I thank you from the deepest part of my heart,” once again, she bowed and blew kisses at the crowd. “Be safe driving to your homes and destinations! I love you guys! GOOD NIGHT!”

The lights went down on the stage as she scurried backstage, for the wardrobe change, for the encore performance. As the melody for Get Out was played, Amanda’s ten dancers took the stage, illuminating it once again.

Suddenly the music stops, and the dancers stand in formation and the house lights go down again.  The jumbotron comes to life and the crowd grows insanely loud. Justin Timberlake is on the screen. He’s walking down a hallway of what seems to be the backstage area. He seems stressed and antsy as he looks around. Finding that no one is around, he goes into a cafeteria where Johnny Wright is sitting at a table drinking a cup of coffee and looking at something on his Sidekick.

“Where’s Jo, Johnny?” he asks in a rushed voice as he looks around the room.

“She just got off stage, she’s getting ready for her encore,” Johnny said calmly.

“What?! She can’t be, I was supposed to record a message for the fans for the show tonight. I forgot!”

“Ohh man! She told them you’d send a message. You’re in trouble, Justin.” Johnny said shaking his head.

“No, I’m not. I’ve got a better idea,” Justin says and he leaves the room and the camera pans away from him and across the backstage area.

The audience sees the backstage area and dozens of people rushing around with headsets on and clipboards in their hands. On the far corner, is a black curtain, covering a cube-sized area. Trace Ayala is standing just outside the curtain as Amanda flings the curtain open and steps out in her encore costume. A scowl is on her face and she has her Sidekick n her hand.

“Where’s Justin, Trace?” she asks irritated and the crowd laughs at her gestures.

“I don’t know,” Trace shrugs. “How should I know? I’ve been here all night. Haven’t seen him,” he said with a shrug once again.

“He forgot!”

“He forgot, what?” Trace asks as he looks at his own clipboard and then at her. “Your boot’s unzipped,” he tells her and she angrily zips up the thigh high boots without a word.

“Johnny just sent me a message saying that Justin forgot! How could he have forgotten?”

“He forgot what?!” Trace asked confused and irritated which makes the audience laugh.

Amanda peeked at the audience as they watched the jumbotron and was glad that Trace’s idea was a hit. The lights were down so that the jumbotron was the only object shading light onto the first few rows but she could tell they were enjoying the video.

“Oh my god!” Amanda on the screen said as she stormed away from him, pushing her Sidekick into his chest. Make-up people surrounded her as she walked toward her marked cue, for her encore performance. “He owes me big!” she yells before her headset microphone is adjusted on her head. “Huge!”

The camera follows her underneath the stage were she climbs on an elevating rig that will take her to the highest point of the stage, stopping directly in front of the jumbotron. Before her microphone goes live in the video, she yells, “I’M GOING TO KILL HIM!”

The audience goes wild when the words come out live instead of on the jumbotron. The jumbotron goes blank and the arena is dark. The spotlight comes on to show, Amanda on the rig looking over the crowd and she smiles.

A second spotlight goes on, and the bottom portion of the stage is illuminated directly in the middle of the dancers. A similar rig comes out of the ground floor and Justin Timberlake is standing on it.

“You looking for me, Jo?” he says into his headset microphone. The crowd is deafening then.

“Maybe,” Amanda says from where she is.

“Can I help you with something?” he asks and the crowd goes crazy at the sound of his booming voice.

“Maybe,” Amanda said with a smile.

“I know I messed up, so what do you want me to do?” he asks playing the part.

“Dance with me, homeboy,” Amanda says and the light go down while the crowd get louder.

“My pleasure,” Justin says in the dark with a sexy voice that makes the crowd cheer.

Pyro suddenly takes over the stage and the lights illuminate the place. The crowd cheers at the spectacle and when it’s over. Justin and Amanda are standing in the middle of the stage surrounded by the dancers.

“My homie since knee high, We came up on the south side,” Amanda belts out as she struts around Justin, and the female dancers follow her lead, mimicking her with their male dance partners. “Where you had to beat the street lights home, We got into some street fights, But the next day we be right back in it all,” she sings as she positions herself ifront of Justin, who stands there watching her. Her back is to the audience as she looks up at him and dances seductively to the beat of the song. “Wherever there was me, there was you, And we were like glue, Straight from junior high school, Then you messed it all up,” she turns around to face the crowd and makes her back flush against justin’s front, as she dances slowly. “Started pushing up,” she sang as justin leaned over and placed his lips on her cheek, making the crowd roar with excitement. “Kissed me on the cheek, And I fell in loveeeeeee.”

The stage is completely illuminated by lights as their dance number starts. Justin and Amanda are next to eachother again and they break into a dance number, Justin takes the lead dancing while Amanda continues singing. "Shorty’s a little taller now, Into big thing, he’s a baller now, His heart never changed, I can see he’s still down, I can’t forget him (no no no no), More than his voice is changing now All that I see is rearranging now (now), Its just ain’t the same, Catchin feelings now, I should tell him..."

The audience is ready to sing along with Amanda like they’ve been doing all night, but cheer when they hear Justin’s voice, instead.

“Oooh when the girl next door, Don’t want to be my homegirl no more, Saw something that she never saw before, I think she wants to be my baby, baby,” his hands are on Amanda’s hips as they master Marty’s choreography on the large stage. “Been thinking bout her all my life, my life, Now I see her in a whole new light, Something about it feels so right, that’s why, I think she wants to be my baby, baby.”

Amanda picks up the chorus as they effortlessly continue their choreography. “Every night when we get home, Undercovers talking on the phone, Here comes my mother, It’s way too late, Might get in trouble, My heart can’t wait, so much to say, Writing till my hand cramps up, Four pages saying I’m in love, I got a crush, Can’t get you off my mind, can you pick me up baby, I’m sure I’ll be fine when I look into your eyes.”

Justin smiles at the audience as he dances close to Amanda and winks at them before going into the chorus. “Shorty’s a little taller now, Into big things, she’s a baller now, Her heart’s never changed, I can see she’s still down, I can’t foget her, More than her hips’ changing now,” as he sang the words he smooths his hands over her hips and the crowd is insane. Amanda smiles. “All that I see is rearranging now, It just ain’t the same, Catching feelings now, I should tell her, gotta tell her that I love her.”

Amanda picks up the song once again and the end of the performance is nearing. “Oooh when the boy next door, Don’t want to be my homeboy no more, Saw something that he never saw before, I think he wants to be my baby, baby, Been thinking bout him all my life, my life, Now I see him in a whole new light,” she sings as she looks over her shoulder at him before fanning herself for the audiences’ benfit, making them cheer. “Something about it feels so right, that’s why, I think he wants to be my baby, baby.”

They break apart and the dancers followed suit as they had been during the entire performeance. The dancers continue a different dance routine in the middle of the stage while Amanda and Justin head over to opposite sides of the stage.

Together they ask the audience to sing with them. “You know the words, sing with us, if you don’t, the words are on the screen behind me. Sing!” Justin screams out loudly before both of them start singing together, perfectly in synch. “Chocolate covered candy kisses, They keep me reminiscing, All I want is what your giving, Nothing like your affection, So in love and you’re the reason, There’s no more lonely season, Lately, you drive me crazy, Think I wanna be your baby.”

The music gets really low and Amanda sings in a whisper. “Oh-we-oh, Oh oh oh, don’t wanna be my homeboy no more, Oh-we-oh-oh-we-oh, Oh oh oh…..

Justin follows suit and he sings in a whisper as well as they meet eacother in the middle of the stage. The dancers have scattered off the stage and the spot light illuminates them. “Oh-we-oh, Oh oh oh, don’t wanna be my homegirl no more, Oh-we-oh-oh-we-oh
Oh oh oh…..”

Amanda and Justin are standing back to back, both a little out of breath but smiles adorns their face.

The music has stpped completely and in accapella, she sings. “I think he wants to be my baby, baby…”

Justin looks over his shoulder and does the same. “I think she wants to be my baby, baby…”

“We love you! GOODNIGHT!” they say and bow to the audience before waving and exiting the stage while the dancers appeared to close the show to the tune of Homeboy once again.

“That went well,” Justin said kissing Amanda on the lips quickly as they walked backstage. Towels and water bottles were handed to them as they rushed to the bus.

“Yeah, I think so. It was fun,” Amanda said a bit out of breath. “Glad we can go home and relax for a while though.”

“I hear ya,” Justin chuckled.

“Wait,” Amanda said stopping her steady walk in front of their bus.

“What?” Justin asked confused.

“I want you to meet somebody,” Amanda said grabbing his hand and pulling him around the other side of their bus.

“Now?” Justin asked shocked.

“Yeah,” Amanda said pulling him behind her as much as she could, considering she was three feet shorter than he was.

“Who?” Justin asked as he handed Eric his towel and water. The four bodyguards that surrounded them as their steady walk stopped in front of the bus.

“There she is,” Amanda said pointing to a crowd of press who snapped pictures as they approached. “Lynn!”

“Who the hell is Lynn?” Justin asked loudly.

“Hey girl,” this woman turns to them and smiles.

“Hey,” Amanda says. “Lynn, meet Justin. Justin, this is Lynn. She wants to work with us.”

“Work with us? On what?” Justin asked looking down at his girlfriend with a raised brow.

“Well, she’s a writer, homeboy. She’s going to write about us.” Amanda said with a smile.

“Write about what? Does Trace know about this?” Justin asked completely off topic.

“Yup,” Trace said from behind them.

“Jesus, Trace! Don’t creep up on us!” Amanda yelled. “Anyway I just wanted you to meet her.”

“Umm.. okay,” Justin said hesitantly. “It’s a pleasure meeting you, Lynn.”

“The pleasure is mine, Justin,” Lynn says with a sincere smile. “You guys better get on that bus,” she says as she looks behind them to see a crowd of fans outside the parking lot, waiting for their departure.

“We’ll see you later, Lynn!” Amanda yells behind her as she’s rushed to the bus along with Justin and Trace.

“What have you gotten us into, Jo?” Justin asks before the doors to the bus closes behind them and they’re gone.

Main - Next

homeboythelynnremix Fairytales (The Lynn Remix)

I probably should have introduced myself, back when this piece of work begun. But have no fear; I knew what I was doing, I think.

My name is Lynn and for personal reasons I will keep my last name private. I hope you don’t mind. I want to take this opportunity to let you in on how I met these wonderful and exciting people, you’ve come to love, hate and admire.

Some of you might be thinking that I begun this whole ordeal because I met Justin Timberlake, randomly while backstage at one of his concerts. Well I didn’t; in fact, I didn’t meet Justin until later. I met Amanda Reyes approximately two years ago at a Challenge for the Children event. We hit it off immediately, and I mean immediately after she realized that I was simply looking to write a great piece of work. Something that her best friend, Justin, would never agree to do. At the beginning of our budding relationship, I tried to keep it on a professional level for the benefit of my work. I tried and failed, Amanda Reyes became one of my best friends, and I’m not being pretentious when I say that I have become one of hers, as well. Of course, the friendship that Amanda and I share is nowhere near her relationship with Trace and Justin; I still believe we have a great one.

Our friendship allowed this story to unfold without any problems. They were all able to speak to me, without holding anything back. I know more about these three people than I probably should, but I loved working with them. They filled me in on their little secrets, sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously but they did just the same. Some of the things, I did share with you and a lot of the things I will NOT. Did I mention that they would probably disown me as their friend if I did? Besides, they have DIRT on me as well, this business if rough!

The purpose of this remix is solely for YOU, the fans. Justin, Amanda, and Trace have all agreed to answer any questions you might have. So, I’ve set up this little thing in a back lot of one of the studios in Los Angeles. I’ve screened the audience attending, making sure no one was trying to kill my friends. I’ve set up two couches in the middle of the room and photos of the cast of Homeboy Memoirs surround the room. Trace didn’t approve of his pictures but Amanda submitted the pictures to me in the first place, so they remained on the stage. It’s a beautiful setting and Trace, Justin, and Amanda are at ease. And most importantly, NO CAMERAS and cell phones were taken at the door.  That makes all four of us happy.

The men have agreed to this little shindig, with some persuading done by Amanda and I, of course. I must warn you though, some questions might be off-limits, and while you might ask them, the fact is that all three of these people are REAL. With that said, you need to know that because you ask, doesn’t mean they’ll answer. I won’t get into details what questions are okay to ask and what questions aren’t because the list would probably be too great, but you’ll find out soon enough.

And just so you know, Jeremy is holding on the phone from his office in Atlanta.

Without further due, welcome to the finale of Homeboy Memoirs!

Lynn: Hey guys! (The audience gets loud when the three of them come on stage, and take a seat on the love seats.)

Justin: What’s up baby girl? (He grins and winks at me, I roll my eyes.)

Amanda: Hey girl! (She smiles at me.)

Trace: Sup!

Lynn: How are you this evening, Trace?

Justin: He’s grouchy!

Lynn: I’m sorry is your name, Trace? (Justin looks shocked and offended at my comment. The audience laughs and I grin at him followed by a wink.)

Justin: Are you still mad at me? Don’t be mad baby girl, it was a fucking joke!

Amanda: It wasn’t funny. (She glares at Justin.) He’s an asshole.

Trace: Glad there aren’t any cameras on. These two would be in some deep shit with their language. (The audience laughs and ooohs at Justin and Amanda’s potty mouths.)

Lynn: You should talk, Trace.

Trace: Hey, I ain’t no celebrity. I’m not a role model here.  (The audience laughs.)

Lynn: Are we going to argue and bicker all day, or are we doing this? (Trace rolls his eyes, but smiles.)

Trace: You brought us here, you tell us.

Lynn: Let me just say that it’s always a pleasure, Juan!

Justin: Ohh, she didn’t go there. (Justin is instigating and I smirk at Trace, he doesn’t say anything but gives Justin the finger. The audience is in hysterics now.)

Amanda: Alright, alright. Let’s get this show on the road.

Lynn: This is going to interesting. (I roll my eyes drastically.) So, you guys know that you’re here to answer questions from people who have read your story. So I’m going to cut the shit and get right to it, cause I know you guys and if I let you, you’ll ruin the show.

Amanda: Gee, thanks Lynn! (She laughs.)

Lynn: You know I mean that in the nicest way possible, girl!

Justin: So who has a question for me? (He points to the small audience, asking people if they have a question.)

Lynn and Trace: Not everything is about you Justin! (We look at each other and laugh.)

Lynn: Don’t ever do that again! Anyway! (I turn to the first audience member who has good questions.) We’ll start with Ki, she’s an Nsync fan, whom submitted her questions via the web, wants Justin to ‘Describe the perfect day with Jojo’. She’s sitting right across from you, Justin. Pink shirt. Say hi, Ki!

Justin: My perfect day with Jo is everyday when I wake up and she’s right next to me, Ki. (Justin looks at her and squeezes her to his side with a grin directed only for her)

Amanda: That was cheesy, homeboy! (Amanda is blushing and she smacks Justin on his shoulder, making him laugh.)

Justin: It’s just the truth, Jo. Just the truth. (He winks at Ki, then smiles at the audience.)

Lynn: Anyone have whine to go with that cheesy ass line? (I’m joking and Justin laughs.) Her question for Amanda is: ‘Now that you guys are together, do you regret not telling him sooner?’ That’s a good question, girl!

Amanda: That’s a cute shirt, by the way, Ki. (Ki thanks Amanda and blushes when Justin winks at her.) Umm, do I regret not telling him sooner? I’m assuming you mean that I loved him, so I’m going with that. You know what, I don’t. I think everything happens when it’s supposed to happen. I think we both needed to experience our lives away from each other, which unbelievably, we did, before finally stepping up and admit that we were meant to be. I think people might have gotten the wrong impression about us.

Justin: She talks a lot, doesn’t she? (He’s asking Ki that. The audience thinks it’s the cutest thing.)

Trace: You both do!

Amanda: Shut up, dirtball!

Justin: Ha!

Amanda: You too! Anyway, as I was saying. You guys might think we spent every waking moment together and were never ever apart and while the year that Justin and I went through what we...

Trace: Umm, I was there too.

Amanda: What Justin, Trace, and I went through. Happy now? Didn’t I tell you to shut up? Anyway, when all this happened, yes we did spend a lot of time together. But we had our own lives; they didn’t always revolve around each other. Justin had girlfriends and Trace…well Trace did things. (She rolls her eyes when Trace grins.) I’m your average girl; I went to college, had a boyfriend…(Justin is making faces and rolling his eyes at the mention of the boyfriend) and I had a normal life. I am normal.

Justin: I beg to differ; she isn’t normal at all, People! Don’t buy it!

Amanda: I swear if you keep interrupting me... (Justin laughs and kisses her quickly making her forget her words. He winks at the audience and laughs)

Trace: This is what I go through every day, folks! (The audience laughs.)

Amanda: Whatever! No, I don’t regret telling him sooner, Ki.

Trace: Now, wasn’t that easier? (Amanda mumbles that he’s a jerk under her breath, but the audience laughs because they can hear her.)

Lynn: Let’s see if this is easier, for YOU, Trace. Ki’s comment and question for you is: ‘Do you still want to kick Jeremy's ass? And, I know that you're not into all the mushy love shit but do you want to marry Elisha one day?’

Trace: No comment. (The audience boos him and he’s about to raise his middle finger but Justin stops him)

Justin: Answer the question, man. You promised Lynn, T.

Trace: I think I’m over the Jeremy thing. (He says but then shakes his head.) Nah, I’m lying, I will kick his ass any chance I get. Bastard! (The audience laughs again) Elisha is backstage; you can ask her that other question. (The audience starts chanting Elisha’s name and she peeks her head from behind a wall with a smile on her face. She rolls her eyes at Trace before waving her left hand for the audience to see. A gigantic diamond hangs from her ring finger and the audience goes wild before she disappears behind the wall again.) There you go, Ki. No more questions for me, thanks!

Lynn: Like I said, always a pleasure, Trace. (I’m sitting next to Trace onstage now.) The next question is for Justin and Amanda. I comes from Danie, who is sitting on the left side, second row. Hi Danie! (She stands and waves to us, a big smile on her face.)

Justin: Hey Danie!

Amanda: Hey girl!

Trace:  Sup!

Lynn: I’m going to go ahead and apologize for Juan, here. He’s in a wonderful mood today! (I smack him on the shoulder and he pretends to be physically hurt.)

Trace: Damn, girl! (He’s rubbing his shoulder now and I roll my eyes at him. Amanda chuckles.)

Lynn: Anyway, Danie wants to know if ‘Justin and Amanda would ever do a song, TV show, or movie together?’ Would you?

Amanda: Hrmm, wow. Well we worked on music together already. We haven’t actually recorded a duet, though.

Justin: She says our voices don’t go well together. (He shrugs and pretends to be hurt.)

Amanda: Ohh, whatever! Don’t believe him. We sound really good together, but we just haven’t put much thought into it.

Justin: And Jo is a bad actor, so movies and television are out of the question. (He laughs, the audience follows suit.)

Amanda: Not a good actor? Please I had you fooled for twenty-four years, homeboy. That’s an Oscar on the mantle! (She giggles and Trace pretends to be bored.)

Lynn: You alright there, Trace? You look ecstatic to be here.

Trace: Who gets the Oscar now? Had you fooled, didn’t I? You thought I was bored? I’m happy to be here, can’t you tell? (He grins in an exaggerated manner, making everyone including the panel laugh.)

Lynn: Ohh wait until you get Scherzo’s comment, Trace. You’re gonna love it! (I laugh evilly.) Scherzo has things for all of you; she’s on the fist row there. You can flirt with her now, Justin. Cool name by the way, girl!

Justin: Is Lynn pronouncing it right? Cause I can have her fired, you know.

Lynn: Please, you wish you could. You fail to realize that you love me. (I smile at Justin and he grins back.)

Justin: That is true, Scherzo. (Scherzo laughs and asks Amanda if she minded Justin flirting with other girls, as he’s doing now.)

Amanda: Not at all. I know this guy inside and out and I know he’s full of shit! (She smacks Justin on the head and winks at a guy on the first row, for Justin to see.)

Justin: Who are you? (He’s pointing at the guy menacingly. The guy puts his hands up in defense and says that’s he’s just here for the show. The audience laughs and Justin points to his two eyes and then back at the guy, telling him that he’s watching him. The audience laughs harder.)

Lynn: Kids! Anyway, Scherzo has a question for Amanda, she asks: ‘Admitting that you're in love with your best friend is one of the hardest things in world to do, but what was it like when you first kissed as a couple?’ Now we get to some good stuff!

Amanda: You sound as if you’ve experienced this personally. (Scherzo smiles.) Yeah, it’s true. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, but it was also the easiest. Does that make sense? I struggled with it, of course. It’s what you guys read, but it also felt easy. I’ve known him all my life, like since birth, so it wasn’t hard to tell him in the end. I was embarrassed of course, cause it’s him, ya know? I know things about him, as a best friend, that you wouldn’t even imagine.

Lynn: Like what? (I’m such an instigator.)

Justin: No comment.

Lynn: I wasn’t asking you! (The audience giggles.)

Amanda: Some things are better left unsaid if you know what I mean. (She rolls her eyes at Justin.)

Trace: Seriously! You guys DON’T want to know!

Justin:  Ohh it’s like that? (He’s talking to Trace, and shakes his head. They’ll be discussing that later, I guarantee it!)

Trace: You didn’t answer the kiss question, Manda. (The audience is all ears. Justin is blushing and Amanda is beyond that point. She’s beet red and is trying to hide her face behind Justin.)

Lynn: Alright, we ain’t getting anything out of her! Justin! Same question.

Justin: I don’t really have anything to say right now. Ouch, Jo! (She pinched his side.)

Lynn: So you’re being tight-lipped on this one? No pun intended.

Amanda: Yeah! (She blushes more when Justin kisses her quickly on the lips and winks at the audience.)

Lynn: Here’s my favorite one! Scherzo asks one thing from you, Trace. She asks; ‘Why do you have to be so damn annoying?’ Seriously, why?

Trace: No comment. No, I do have a comment, fuck that! Why don’t you get a real name? Huh? Answer that! (He’s saying this but smiling at the girl and she smiles back.)

Lynn: Guess what, Guys!

Justin, Amanda, and Trace: What?

Lynn: Jeremy is on the line holding for questions for him.

Trace: Too much of a pussy to actually show up?

Jeremy on the phone speaker: The only pussy in there besides Lynn and Amanda’s is you. No offense ladies!

Lynn: None taken, Jeremy.

Amanda: Speak for yourself!

Justin: Chill out, Jo! (He whispers to her. But the microphone of his chest doesn’t conceal it.)

Trace: Keep talking asshole! You’ll get what’s coming to you, AGAIN!

Jeremy on the phone: You STILL don’t scare me, Bro. (The audience is eerily quiet as the two exchange words.)

Trace: We are nowhere near brothers, dickwad! Answer your fucking questions and keep it moving!

Lynn: Guys! Come on, you both promised! (I realize I may sound whiny but they did. They both promised to be civilized.)

Jeremy on the phone: I’m ready when you are, Lynn. It was nice seeing you the other night, by the way.

Amanda: I’m sure it was, Asshole. (She mumbles but again the microphones don’t help to conceal her words.)

Jeremy on the phone: Nice to hear from you too, Amanda.

Lynn: You ready for your question, Jeremy?

Jeremy on the phone: Sure! But first can I say something?

Lynn:  Umm, sure as long as it isn’t to Trace or about Trace. Go ahead.

Jeremy on the phone: I wouldn’t waste my breath like that. I just wanted to say what’s up to Justin. And he knows that none of this has changed how much I learned from him. And that’s not bullshit; I thank him sincerely. (The audience lets out a synchronized ‘aww’ at his words.)

Justin: Likewise, man. (He doesn’t say anything else. He’s holding Amanda’s hand in his and rubs his thumb over her hands, soothingly. Amanda seems to have checked out of the show, mentally. You can tell she doesn’t want to hear anything Jeremy has to say.)

Trace: Is he answering a question or not?

Lynn: Trace? Chill! Jeremy, Scherzo has a question for you. She’s in the audience. Say hello!

Jeremy on the phone: The name’s hot. Hello there! (Scherzo waves even though he can’t see her. And I get the impression that she feels bad about being the first to ask Jeremy a question and bringing him into a once upon a time, happy room.)

Lynn: She asks, ‘Why did you continue to stay with Jo if you knew that she loved Justin? Wasn’t that just making it harder for you? Or did you want your cheating to be justified She writes, no pun intended, at the end of that. (The audience laughs and Justin smiles at her.)

Jeremy on the phone: Why? Well that’s simple, Scherzo. I loved her. She was in my life as constantly as Justin was in both of ours. I can’t break that down any other way but simply because I loved her.  Yeah it was hard but I still believed she loved me too, that wasn’t a lie. She knows that. (Amanda puts her head down and closes her eyes before resting her head on Justin’s shoulder.) So, I was content to a certain extent, for years. I thought that maybe she’d start loving me just half of how much she loved him. (He gets a bit choked up but continues. The room is completely quiet.) And no, the cheating wasn’t justified. (He chuckles at the word.) Nothing can ever justify you cheating on the person you love. Right Justin?

Amanda: Are you done now, you prick?

Jeremy on the phone: See, that’s the girl I know and loved.

Justin: You’re pushing it, Owens. (Justin says calmly and everyone can tell he’s going to flip out if I don’t put Jeremy back on hold.)

Jeremy on the phone: It’s always a pleasure getting a rise out of you. You too, Shorty! I’d be lying if I say I don’t miss you. And there’s no sarcasm in there. I really do.

Trace: I don’t wish I could say the same, fuck-face!

Lynn: Guys! Seriously! Jeremy you say ‘loved’ as in past tense. Does that mean you’re over Amanda? (Amanda glares at me, but right now, I’m pissed at how they’re acting. The y promised!)

Jeremy on the phone: I don’t think I’ll ever be completely over her. She was my first love although I wasn’t hers. We had great times. She can’t deny that.

Lynn: Fair enough. Just one more thing before I let you go hang out and wait for another question.

Jeremy on the phone: Sure, what’s up?

Lynn: How’s the baby?

Jeremy on the phone:  What baby would that be, Lynn?

Lynn: Ohh, you and I know what baby I’m referring to.

Jeremy on the phone: If you’re talking about Jessica’s baby, then I wouldn’t know. I haven’t seen her in ages.

Lynn: So you’ve never met your child?

Jeremy on the phone: I don’t have any, so no I haven’t.

Lynn: So she lied?

Jeremy on the phone: It’s what she does best.

Amanda: That’s funny cause I though she was good at other things.

Jeremy on the phone: I’m not commenting on that. (He actually chuckles. The audience cringes.)

Lynn: I’m going to place you back on hold, cause you’re stirring up my people here! We’ll talk again, Jeremy.

Jeremy on the phone: I’ll be here. Bye Guys! (The line goes dead and the room is silent.)

Lynn: Well that was interesting!

Trace: Wonderful! (He’s in a bad mood now and he’s not acting.)

Lynn: Why don’t we take a break? (I haven’t even gotten the words out when all three of them storm off the stage. I know they aren’t mad at me, I know they aren’t I know them too well. They just need to chill out for a minute. I tell the audience that there are refreshment in the back and we will be back in fifteen minutes with more questions. They seem to be as relieved as I am as I head backstage to my friends.)

We are back from a twenty-five minute break instead of a fifteen. But I’m not upset; I think we all needed a break. Trace is a little upset with me because I won’t hang up on Jeremy, but he’s fine. Amanda and Justin are back to their usual selves. They calm each other down and I admire that. Although it’s been a while since they actually heard Jeremy’s voice, when they do it’s not a very nice thing. I think part of Justin still feels guilty about this whole thing. Don’t get me wrong, I know he loves Amanda with all of his heart but some days, like today, I can sense guilt from him. He didn’t say much to Jeremy and that was probably for Amanda’s benefit more than his. I see that even though Jeremy deserves everything he gets, good or bad that he never meant to hurt his friend that way. And you can cry and rant about Jeremy being an asshole and this and that but Justin and Jeremy were, in fact, friends. And as friends, Justin was in love with his girlfriend, behind his back. Do you get me?

It’s getting loud in the studio where the audience is and as we walk out from backstage, relieved from the stress that was laying on our shoulders earlier, the room gets even louder. They applaud our arrival and Justin acts silly, dancing and cheering along. Amanda and Trace just look at him and leave him to his silliness before going to their earlier seats on the couches.

Lynn: You done there, Justin?

Justin: Ohh, I was just hyping them up, Lynn-Lynn!

Lynn: Oh God, don’t call me that in front of all these people!

Justin: Why not? It’s cute, and I DO cute, remember? (He’s referring to a remark I made backstage and I want to ring his neck.) Isn’t it cute? (He’s asking the audience and when he’s done with that, a very synchronized Lynn-Lynn erupts repeatedly from the audience and I want to die. Jerk!)

Amanda: Alright alright, leave her alone! (She makes Justin stop with a glare and he laughs.)

Lynn: I’ll get you later, I promise! (I say rolling my eyes at him.) Anyway, Gigi has a question for Amanda and Justin. She’s in row five, seat fourteen. I hope you’re still there girl! (She is, she stands and waves at us.) You want to know if Justin and Amanda would ever do a newlyweds type show, right? (She says yes, and Amanda and Justin are both shaking their heads vigorously.)

Justin:  No way!

Amanda: Absolutely not!

Lynn: Why not?

Justin: Our lives are exploited enough. We don’t feel like every second of our lives should be televised for the world to see. Believe it or not, there is a lot that people don’t know about us. And those things we keep to ourselves and to be completely honest, DO NOT want to share.

Amanda: When we agreed to do this memoir thing, we came to an agreement with Lynn that we had complete control of what would be published. And we did that because some things are sacred and I understand that the fans might not think so. I know some of you want to know EVERYHING about us, but that’s jut not realistic, for lack of a better word. It’s not for us; so no, we would never do a reality TV show.

Trace: I would have, back when I was single. Entertainment 101, believe me. (The audience laughs at Trace’s joke but I know for a fact that he’s not kidding. Single Trace was a reality show’s envy. Those MTV people only wish they could follow him around with a camera.)

The questions kept coming for an hour, ranging from when they all planned to get married to how they managed to go out without paparazzi on their toes. At the end of the sit-down we said goodbye to Jeremy and everyone including myself hoped it would be the last time we’d speak to him. Jeremy isn’t a bad guy, I know this but during this whole ordeal, with questions being shot at him and being cornered, I understand why he was being such a jerk.

Justin and Amanda are in the far corner of the limo we are riding toward the after party, trace insisted on having. I’m telling you, that boy will find any excuse to have a party and get wasted. He’s preparing to head to Tokyo for William Rast work and I think he’s nervous. Elisha is going with him but I’ve come to know his nervous ticks.

We plan on having a good time tonight and I don’t doubt that we will. This saga in their lives is over. And sadly this saga in my life is over as well.

I’d like to thank each and every one of you who took a chance on an unknown author. My career has launched into my wildest dreams. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’ve gained a career, and most importantly I’ve gained three amazing best friends. I couldn’t have asked for anything more.

I want to thank Justin for always talking as much shit in protest to this whole thing, yet told the most stories for me to document.

I want to thank Trace for pretending to be disgusted with me when in reality he loves me to death.

And last but certainly not least, Amanda. You’ve become my best friend, my partner in crime and I love you for that. I will never forget you and hope you never forget me. Yeah, I realize I see you everyday or at least talk to you and that the possibility of forgetting me is crazy, but I love ya, girl! Thank you for allowing me into your life. Your wonderful life and your equally as wonderful heart.

I’m sure a lot of you have more questions and I apologize for not getting to them. I know there are a lot of unanswered questions out there. Justin and Trace are done with this so I can only have Amanda answer a few more questions before she’s done with this as well. Please stop by Amanda’s MySpace page (http://www.myspace.com/homeboymemoirs) and leave a question in her comments space. I look forward to keeping in touch with all of you.

Thank You

This is The Now Known Author signing off.

Love, Lynn