It's late and my hotel room is dark, and cold as I press my forehead against the cool glass of the window. I remember stumbling back here after a night out at the bar with my crew. I wanted to nothing more than to drink to forget. Forget about everything, but most of all, I just wanted to forget about her. It's been in the back of my mind for a little over three weeks now that tonight, the tour would stop in her town. I told myself I wouldn't let it get to me, that I didn't really miss her and think about her all the time. I told myself I didn't regret fighting for us just a little harder but I know deep down the truth remains and I miss her like crazy.

I move haphazardly over to the desk to my laptop that holds way too many reminders of everything we shared together. She loved taking photos. Her once amazing hobby now holds a good portion of the memories for what we once were. You think I would have deleted them by now but I can't. Something won't let me let go of her and everything we once shared. I let out a deep sigh, before reaching for the bottle of Jack Daniels that's been more of a crutch to me than anything tonight. The dark liquid burns as it slowly travels down to my stomach. I scroll through the several photos of us, looking back at each one as I feel that familiar sting right in my chest. I told myself I would get over her, that I'd find someone else but truth be told, I can't say any of the following are even close to true.

I've tried to move on, trust me. It doesn't help that every woman I've looked at will never even compare. I've tried to shut off my feelings and make myself feel some kind of attraction for them but it just doesn't happen. Instead, I walk away wanting to kick myself but at the same time, I feel relief. Something inside tells me that once I let myself go to another woman, every memory that I've ever held, every feeling will just go away and I know deep down, regardless of what's happened, I don't want it to. I'm not ready to let go.

I've been going through this mental battle inside of my head, telling myself not to call her, wondering like hell if she'd hang up on me or wondering if she ever thinks of me. It's really messing with my head too. I swore tonight, while I was on stage performing, I saw her in the audience. Then I got to thinking, wondering if she really came, why she didn't call. Would she want to see me or was she looking for some kind of closure? I slam the laptop shut and wobble from the chair across the room are mentally pray I can make it to the bed without falling flat on my face. Once there, my cell phone is starting back at me as a reminder of a call I'll never receive. My fingers want nothing more than to reach for it, press two on speed dial and wait for her voice to answer on the other end. I told myself when we broke up that I'd get over this, that I wouldn't call and right now theres nothing more I want to do.

My head sways in the direction of the door thinking I might have heard something but I know it's all in my head. I wish I would stop the memories floating through my head, the days where we were happy and so in love. I miss the sweet weight and heat of her body against mine as we slept. I miss waking up and making love or weekends of just lingering in bed all day, holding one another. I find myself waking up in the mornings feeling an empty void that settles in my gut and lingers through out the day. My pillow doesn't have the last lingering scent of her shampoo and the bed never smells like the sexy scent of her perfume. I want this to all go away, to forget about everything.

That's totally a lie. I want her back.

When it comes down to it, our reasoning for breaking up seems so gullible right now. I should have fought. I shouldn't have let her walk away. I reach for my cell phone, double checking it, making sure I didn't miss a call or a text. I go back and forth for what seems like the millionth time, wondering what would be crossing the lines. I wonder what shes doing now, if she's alone, if she's single, and still if she thinks of me. I tip back the bottle again, and I know the only thing on my mind is to drink myself to oblivion. I just want to forget. It's my only pathetic alibi to make any sense of this. I'm suppose to be a man. Hell, I'm one of the most famous singers in the world right now. I'm on top of it all, I've got money, I've got success and women practically throw themselves at me. You'd think I'd be set for life but I'm not. All that shit seems like nothing when all I want is her.

Tears nearly sting my eyes as I finally give in and press the number two on my phone but I don't hit send. I miss her as the sanity in my life. She was always my number one fan, my sounding board to hear me out, to listen when I was pissed off and help me find the silver lining in situations when I just couldn't find it. She'd speak honestly to me when I was being an ass or needed a good reality check and I couldn't have loved her more for it. She was my other half and I just let her go.

God, I'm such an asshole.

I nearly choke on the sob that comes from my throat, before I feel the tears start to stream down my cheeks and I don't even bother to wipe them away. I don't care if this makes me the weakest man in the history of the world, I just know I need her more than anything I've ever needed in my life right now. I finally press send on my phone, quickly bringing it to my ear as I hold my breath. It rings back at me several times before her voicemail picks up and my head falls in disapointment but just the sound of her voice on the recording is enough to make my heart skip. I take a deep breath, trying to sober myself up some and not sound like the drunken fool that I know I am right now. I think of something, anything intelligent to say that won't seem desperate and pathetic before quickly hanging up.

There, I did it.

I wonder if she'll even listen to it when she seems my number or if she'll call back. I can see myself sitting here all night, on the floor, pathetic and watching my phone, hoping. My eyes are getting heavy and the room starts to sway back and forth as I continue to empty the bottle beside me. I rest my head against the back of the bed and glance at the TV thats been muted and try to occupy the time. My eyes are slipping shut and then open and as much as I'd love to give in, my mind is too full of thoughts. It's silent, completely silent and for a second I'm not even sure I can hear my own breathing. I hear a light tapping on my door, but it's loud enough to make my breathing hitch in my throat. I will myself not to get my hopes up, thinking to myself it's just security coming to check on me. It takes me what feels like forever to stand up and walk to the door and I know without looking that I look like hell. I try to straighten myself up, pulling my wrinkled t-shirt down, trying the drawstring on my sweat pants and self consciously scratching my shaved head before opening the door. I hold my breath as I swing the door back and theres no one there. My hope slowly crumbles as I quickly look down the hall, knowing damn well I'm not losing my mind when I catch a familiar scent.

"Hello?"

And that's when she looked back at me, blue eyes I'd recognize anywhere as she slowly moved back down the hallway. The pounding in my chest returned and the swaying from the alcohol seemed to dissipate and it took everything inside of me not to grab her and start blubbering like a baby. She came. I needed her more than anything right now and she was standing in front of me. I wasn't hallucinating, I hadn't built her up in my drunken haze.

When she finally reached my door, she stood there, her eyes red similar to what my own probably looked like but I'd never seen her more gorgeous. Dressed in nothing more than a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, her hair draped over her shoulders and her face scrubbed free of make up, it was all I could do not to pull her against me. She took a step forward and I took this as a good sigh. So many questions running through my mind, so many things to say, I had no idea where to begin.

"I got your message."

I nod, biting my lip as I look down at the floor and then back up at her, searching for the right words.

"I told myself I wouldn't call, that I'd leave you alone."

She laughs a little, that easy acknowledgment of knowing I lost the battle.

"I've missed you too, Justin."

My head snaps up, so fast I almost give myself whiplash and my body almost feels sober with those five little words. I don't have time to say anything before I feel her close, standing in front of me as she looks up, asking the silent question. I take matters into my own hands swalloing her in my arms and holding her tightly against me as all reslove inside my body begans to crumble. She feels exactly the same, warm and safe and like the missing pieces to my life. Her perfume hasn't changed, nor has the type of shampoo she uses as it tickles my nose as I bury my face in it. I feel her hands slide around my neck as my own slip around her waist and we stand there for what seems like forever. I can feel her body tremble along with mine before I realize we're mostly out in the hallway of my hotel.

I reach for her hand, lacing our fingers together as I begin to move back into the room, closing the door and locking it. I'm still trying to process the fact that she's here, in my hotel room after all of these months where I wondered if I'd ever see her again. I lean forward, bringing one hand to her face and cupping it, my thumb moving slowly over her cheek where I feel the dampness from tears. I move in, pressing my forhead to hers where I'm just happy to feel her breath against mine. Her hand comes to rest on my wrist before holding it over mine, keeping me against her and I know she's feeling all of these things too. I know she's right here with me. We make our way across the hotel room floor, over to the bed where I leg go of her long enough to pull back the covers. She quietly kicks off her flip flops and puts her keys and cell phone on the bedside stand. I try to keep my thoughts centered as she begins to unbutton her jeans and kick them off but I know better. She likes to be comfortable when she sleeps.

I climb in and wait for her as she slides in against me, her head going right for my shoulder as her arms go around my neck, just like we always used to sleep. I bring the covers up over us and begin to slowly draw my hand up and down the smooth skin of her arm, knowing how much it relaxes her. The soft sigh I receive is enough to put all my questions to rest for the night as I can slowly see the pieces of us coming back together. I close my eyes moving closer to the heat of her body and take my first deep breath that doesn't sting in what feels like forever. I try to take it all in, knowing how my night began and how it ended, and rewind all these passed months of not knowing and constantly wondering. I don't care if I'm the weak one and will easily admit to defeat. In the end, behind every strong man is a weakness only one person your life can fulfill and I'm alright with admitting that.

Right now shes here with me, and to me that's all that matters.