Setting: The BLAME GAME courtroom set. The jury consists mainly of disgruntled teenyboppers. Justin is wearing huge black pants with the shirt you see him in up there. Britney is wearing a slutty Catholic school uniform with her hair in braids and fuzzy pink things in her hair.
Judge Reed: Hello, and welcome to today’s BLAME GAME! Today we have the case of the B-Ball Boy vs. The Bubble Butted Fake Boobed Hoochie. Let’s welcome our blame game counselor Kara Macanara and Jason Winer (Sorry, I have no idea how spell their names).
Jason: I am here to prove that she is a disgusting whore who took advantage of my client.
Kara: I am here to prove that…um…he stole my clients bleach!
Judge Reed: (Banging gavel on table) Okay, our counselors will have 90 seconds to prove that their clients, Justin and Britney, are not to blame…Jason, lets start with you…
Jason: Okay, Justin. Why don’t you tell our jury how you met Britney?
Justin: Well, it’s like dis right? I wuz on dat show the Mickey Mouse Club, and all da sudden one day she be all up on me and I was like say what???
Jason: And what was your impression of Little Miss Britney?
Justin: Well, I was like “Whoa! Whatta ho!”, yeah! And I figured that maybe I could get some, but I aint know what a little disease infested whore she was.
Jason: So who made the first move?
Justin: She did. All da sudden was all up in my junk. I was like, yo, dis aint crunk!
Jason: So what you’re saying is that you tried to resist Miss Britney, but she continually came onto you?
Justin: Yah, dat’s it…
Jason: Bangs thingie that stops the clock
Kara: Britney, why don’t you tell us how you really met Justin.
Britney: Well, like uh huh. Fun breeze!
Kara: Britney, you are such an idiot! Why don’t you tell us about your first date?
Britney: Oh, like okay! So, anyways, I like asked Justin out on a date with me, and I like told that I was like going to like you know do it you know? So anyways, we went to a basketball game and I was like Oh My God, I love basketball, but I really didn’t! I only said that like because Justin loves it, because I like love Justin and stuff! Uh, huh. Did you know that I like used to tour with NSYNC?
Kara: sighs and hits the thingie
Jason: Well, um…Justin, why don’t you tell us about the first date?
Justin: Well, it was like I was going to dis b-ball game in da first place and Britney said dat if I didn’t take her wit me, she’d like sit on me, so I was like aight. But when we were there she ate 6 hotdogs and I was like DAYUM! She was a freakin whore but I wanted some, so I was like aight, I guess this would be okay! Keep in mind, I had no taste back then! So I went along wit’ dis…(buzzer buzzes)
Kara: Okay, Brit. Why don’t you tell us about the breakup?
Britney: Okay, well like, we went out for like 3 months and then all of a sudden Justing was like you know I hate you he just left and so we broke up because he said I was a whore and he found out I was sleeping with a bunch of other guys.
Crowd: BOOOOOOO!
Britney: I had to keep my job! (Buzzer buzzes)
Judge Reed: Well, that was um…interesting. Well, we’ll be back for the You Did It, Now Admit It! round!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Judge Reed: Welcome to the You Did It, Now Admit It round. Each contestant will be dared to reveal one dirty secret to our jury. They can reveal their secret or plead the fifth. The contestant who reveals the most will get to reveal their special witness! Britney, lets start with you!
Britney: (struggling to read) Justin, you are such a basketball freak! Why don’t you admit what is in your “B-ball File”?
Justin: I’ll admit it! I once stayed home to watch a basketball tournament instead of going out with her. Once you’ve seen one skank, you’ve seen them all!
Judge Reed: That’s right! Justin, your turn!
Justin: Britney, you are such a fake. Why don’t you admit what’s in your “Plastic Skank File”?
Britney: Like, uh huh! I’ll admit it! I’ve had plastic boobs since I was nine years old. Plus my lips are silicone injected and my hair is all a weave.
Judge Reed: Uh, yeah. Your turn, you freak!
Britney: Justin, you are so selfish! Why don’t you tell everyone what’s in your “Bleach Files”?
Justin: I’ll admit it! Once she asked to use my bleach and I said no, because I needed it. You gots to keep the girlies happy y’know?
Judge Reed: Correcto! Justin?
Justin: Britney, you are so cheap. Why don’t you admit what ins your “Clothing File”?
Britney: Okay, I’ll admit it! Sometimes, I dig through garbage cans for my clothes. Doesn’t everybody?
Judge Reed: Blech. Brit, your turn you trash!
Britney: Justin you are such a wimp! Why don’t you admit what’s in your “Fake-n-Bake File”?
Justin: Hellz y’all, I’ll admit it! She wanted me to put on that fake tan with her, but I said NO, because I didn’t want to look orange like her!
Judge Reed: Absolutely, and how orange she looks! Justin?
Justin: Britney, you are so dirty! Why don’t you admit what’s in your “Razor Files”?
Britney: I’ll admit it! I have facial hair and I shave it! What’s wrong with it?
Crowd: Ewwww!
Judge Reed: Well since you both admitted the same amount of embarrassing secrets, you each get a witness. Unfortunately Britney doesn’t have any friends, so it wouldn’t be fair. Oh well!
Britney: Fun breeze!
Judge Reed: Um…Okay, now it’s time for the Cross Ex round of the game, after the break!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Judge Reed: Welcome back, now each counselor will question their opposition.
Kara: Justin, why don’t you tell us about VERONICA?
Justin: Who?
Kara: The crackhead!
Justin: Yeah? I went out with her after I dated Britney.
Kara: Are you sure?
Justin: Well, yeah! Even I couldn’t handle two skanks at once!!!
Kara: So Why did you break up with Britney?
Justin: It’s pretty obvious!
Kara: Yes, I know…I mean, no why?
Justin: Cause she be a skank and a ho. I don’t need one of dat!
Kara: Okay, fine! (hits buzzer thing)
Jason: So Brit? Have you had any other boyfriends since Justin?
Britney: Well, does my cousin count?
Jason: No!! Ewww…continues to vomit for the remainder of the 90 seconds and the buzzer goes off.
Kara: Um…Justin, Britney said that she often saw the name “Lynn” on your caller I.D.! Who is this?
Justin: Dat’s my mom yo!
Kara: Oh, I have nothing…buzzer goes off
Judge Reed: There was on part of our case the viewers didn’t get to see. When our contestants came in, the jury decided on who was to blame based on looks alone. And the result of this are: Justing 23% and Britney 77%. Now here’s a commercial part!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Judge Reed: Okay, now it’s time for the karaoke round of the testimony.
Kara: My client may have cheated on Justin, but now she just wants one more chance. So, she will sing her own song “…Baby One More Time”!
Crowd: Cringes and puts in ear plugs.
Britney: Oh baybee baybee…(sings song and shatters glass in karaoke chamber)
Jason: Justin, is scared and offended by Britney’s obsession with him, and now my client will sing “Beat It”, by Michael Jackson!
Justin: Beat it, beat it….(sounds beautiful…just though you’d like to know!)
Crowd: Yeah!!!!!!
Judge Reed: Okay, vote now. Push the button on the left if you think Justin is to blame and the button on the right if you think Britney is to blame! Alright, the jury has decided and here are the results. With a vote of…oh my gosh…100% to 0%, the jury has decided that Britney is to blame for the breakup!
Jason: Now, Britney has 15 seconds to be for forgiveness. Justin can choose to accept her apology or he can snap her picture with the BLAME GAME camera, and the picture will be publish in Entertainment Weekly under the heading “Do no date this BLAME GAME loser!”. Britney, you have 15 seconds…
Britney: Justin, like oh my god. I am so sorry! What can I say? (Begins to sing…well sort of…) You’re all I ever wanted…
Justin: (while taking picture) Damn, first you cheat on me and now you butcher my song. No way chica.
Judge Reed: Well, Justin has taken vindication! Thank you for watching THE BLAME GAME!