"Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us. Guides us. Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have? It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow."

Prologue

 Remember me? Natalia Fuentes? I guess you thought my story was over, but in reality, it’s just begun.

 When I left off before, I had explained how Justin had shot Larry Lopez and killed Dylan. But he had let my Uncle go free. That was a big mistake on his part.

 Anyway, let me take you back to two years after that happened. Justin was still in the mob, and frankly, I didn’t think he was going to get out of the business, despite the many times he had promised me that he was.

 But I was definitely enjoying the fruits of his labor, especially were our children, Nikolas Devon Timberlake and Samantha Noelle Timberlake. They really had to be the two most adorable children ever.

 In a way, they were what kept me going, and not to toot my own horn, but with taking care of two kids, twins no less (I don’t believe in full-time Nannies. I have this philosophy, the more time you spent with your kids, the less fucked up they are going to become.) I managed to get my Bachelors in writing.

 I was well on my way to publishing a book, but in a way I held back.

 Here’s why…

Chapter 1

 “Mommy!!” Two-year-old Samantha screamed from her bedroom. I was putting clothes away from my newest shopping venture; I think I had been shopping almost every other day for the past 3 years.

 “What’s wrong sweetie?”

 “Nicky hitted me!” She screamed. I couldn’t help but to smile at the cuteness of her bad English. Hearing the both of them talk in Spanish was even funnier.

 They had heard my best friend Hope curse up a storm when she was watching them one day. They still run around screaming, carajo and maricon.

 Putting down the clothes onto the vast bed, I walked to my children’s bedroom. They could obviously have their own but they refused to ever be apart, even though they fought like cats and dogs.

 I had the weirdest children ever.

 “Nikolas! What did I tell you about hitting your sister?!”

 My dirty blonde haired, blue eyed son looked at me incredulously.  He said nothing but crossed his arms over his chest defiantly. Nikolas was just like his father in the aspect of always having to be right.

 “But Momma...”

 “Nikolas…” I picked him up and sighed. “I think someone needs to have a time out.”

 To my dismay, that drew a scream from my little boy. I cringed but knew I had to hold strong.

 “And wait till Daddy comes home!”

 That was basically how my days went, watching the kids and shopping. I never expected my life to turn out that way. I always thought I’d have a nice 9-5 job and I figured I’d always have my mother around to help me with the kids, as well as a husband to always be there.

 But things never turn out the way you want them to, I guess.

 My mother barely speaks to me, she’s disgusted with the fact that I married Justin, a drug dealing mob lord and had two kids with him.

 That depresses me to no end. I love my Mom with all my heart and to think that she wants nothing to do with her grandchildren or me hurts. I know she’d love them if she gave them a chance and I know she loved Justin when she didn’t know he was in the mob.

 I mean I’m her daughter; can’t she give me a chance and trust my judgement?

 Obviously not. I mean Justin’s not perfect… but we have kids and we’re happy…kinda.

 Don’t get me wrong. I love my husband; it’s just sometimes I worry so much about him and our kids. I don’t want them to be dragged into his line of work. I wonder if he’ll come home alive, I wonder how long he’ll out run death.

 It’s scary to live a life like this and I don’t think I really thought about it when I jumped into marriage. I loved Justin but I wasn’t thinking much about the consequences.

 But then again he did promise me change, and that promise went unanswered.

 I put Nikolas down on my bed and he faced the wall with a pout on his face. He looked just like Justin at that point.

 A smile crept upon my place as I continued to put my new clothes away. I could hate Justin sometimes and love him. I mean I understand that it was my choice to be brought into this life but it’s just upset me that my kids were going to have to grow up in fear.

 I’d often wonder what would happen if I’d get up and leave. Would Justin miss me? Would my kids grow up to be better people?

 I wasn’t so sure… that’s why I stayed. I guess love and the money kept me there.

 Yeah I know everyone’s gonna say that I’m a gold digger but I’m not. I mean I’m looking out for the welfare of my kids and I do love Justin, just not the life style.

 “Nat?” I heard Justin call out my name. I turned and looked down the long hallway and saw Samantha running towards Justin. “Hey Princess.”

 “Daddy, Nicky hitted me.”

 Justin picked up our brunette two-year-old daughter and walked into our bedroom.
 
 “Why did Nicky hit you?”

 “Because…I broked his car.”

 Nikolas turned around from his spot on the bed, in a fury he grabbed a pillow and flung it at Justin and Samantha.

 “My favorite car!”

 “Sammie, you need to tell Nicky you’re sorry, and Nicky you need to tell Sammie you’re sorry. No more hitting either.” Justin put Samantha down on the bed and watched the two.

 It was amusing to see Justin as a parent, especially since he killed people and sold drugs for a living. He was so gentle with the twins and to the outsider, he seemed like the perfect father.

 If they only knew.

 “I’m sorry.” Sam pouted. Nikolas just hugged his sister.

 “I’m sorry too…”

 I had the cutest kids.

 “Okay guys now go play nice. I have to talk to Mommy.” Justin stated to the twins. The two nodded and scurried off to their huge bedroom.

 “Hi baby.” I went back to putting away clothes.

 “No kiss?”

 “I didn’t think you wanted one.” I winked at him and he just smirked.

 “I always want one.”

 My Mafia Lord husband wrapped his arms around me and pressed his lips against mine, giving me the sweetest kiss ever.

 Times like that really made me remember why I married Justin and how much I love him. Other times I can get so fed up and so angry but just times like this make me so happy and make me feel so safe with him.

 If only things would stay like that. But they never do. Change is inevitable.

Chapter 2

            Shopping. What girl doesn’t love shopping? If you find one that doesn’t I seriously think you need to put that poor girl out of her misery.

            Anyway, us Mob women (a name we had so “cutely” been given by the newspapers) decided to go and shop. The twins stayed with Justin while he did some Mafia paper work. It even bothered me that the twins were with him while he was doing that but I had no other choice.

            I needed a break too, and again, I don’t trust Nannies, although sometimes I really have to get over that and leave the kids with them.

            The three of us, Hope, Savannah and I sat at a small café, with bags from Prada, Gucci, Via Spiga and Chanel piled around us.

            “I have a question…” I looked at my two best friends and sighed. “Do you guys ever regret this life…?”

            “What do you mean…?” Savannah looked at me curiously. She and JC still weren’t married but were engaged. It seemed like JC was putting it off until as long as possible.

            “Do you guys think it would have been better if we would have never got involved with the guys?”

            “Sometimes yes… sometimes no…” Savannah replied.

            “Same…” Hope bit her lip. “Nat, do you regret marrying Justin?”

            “Sometimes I do… because I don’t want my kids to grow up like this…and it hurts that he lied to me. But I just keep my mouth shut about it. Sometimes it feels like I’m just gonna explode cause I can’t hold it all in.”

            “It sounds like you guys need to sit down and talk.” Hope stated and put her hand on my shoulder. “But whatever decision you make I’m behind you one hundred percent. You need to be happy.”

            “I agree.” Savannah said and smiled. “Your happiness is all that matters.”

            “Thanks…” I smiled at my two friends and sighed in relief. “But I think things will be okay…”

            So maybe I was lying? Maybe things really were never gonna be okay for me and Justin but did that matter? My kids mattered and there happiness. They were living the good life and I wasn’t going to take their father and financial security away from them.

            “Did you guys meet the two new guys that are working for the guys now?” Hope asked.

            “No… but do tell. They hot?” Savannah said. I just giggled.

            “VERY!! One is JC’s stepbrother, Lance and the other is this guy, Martin. They’re pretty cute, especially Lance.” Hope stated with a smirk.

            “Cuuuuutttee.” I responded, Hope immediately giggled at the thought of Mr.Maywell, the crazy but cool guy who managed Angel’s Diner.

            “Well too bad we can only look and not touch.” Hope said and sipped her glass of water.

            “Oh well. We have hot men of our own so it’s no big deal.” Savannah beamed.

            “Speaking of our hot men… have you and JC set a date for the wedding yet?” I inquired.

            “No…he said we should wait a little longer…” Savannah looked down when she said this.

            My heart truly broke for her because I knew she loved him and this was hurting her so badly. Savannah loved JC and wanted to be married? I mean I could understand that he was nervous but goddamn they weren’t getting any younger, what was the big deal?

            Marriage isn’t THAT scary. I mean it’s a big step and whatever but it’s not something that you dread. It’s a happy occasion. JC loves Savannah too, its so fucking obvious, so why didn’t he want to marry her?

            I just think all men are pussy.

            “Excuse me… Miss?”

            Distracted from the conversation, I looked up and came face to face with a gorgeous man who was looking right at me.

            “Hi… uhm… Can I help you?”

            “I just wanted to tell you that you are the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

            I raised my eyebrow, nice pick up line. Insert much sarcasm.

            “Thank you…”

            This man was too hot. He was very tall, about 6’5”, with brown spiked hair, brown eyes and this amazing body. He was broad and muscular.

            “My name’s David…David Boreanaz… and you are?”

            “Natalia Timberlake.”

            “As in the wife of Justin Timberlake… the Mob Lord?”

            “In the flesh…” I laughed nervously and glanced at Savannah and Hope who were staring at this guy the same way I was. “Uhm… let me introduce you to my friends… This is Hope Ryan, and Savannah Carmichael.”

            “Nice to meet you ladies… I’m sorry to interrupt your lunch… so lets call it even… it’s on me.” David smiled warmly at us and I could feel myself melt. God, he was so hot and sweet.

            “You really don’t have to…” Hope spoke up, her voice almost shaking.

            “No I insist… please…” He pulled up a chair and sat between Savannah and me. Oh God, I wished at that moment I wasn’t married.

            “Thank you, David.” Savannah smiled at him.

            GOD!! He was hot!!!

            “You don’t mind if I sit here do you? I hate sitting alone.”

            Aww how fucking cute!!

            “Go ahead. I know that feeling.” I said.

            By the end of the lunch, it felt like I knew David all my life. He was such a great guy and so intelligent. Savannah and Hope were walking ahead of us to the cars, while David and I lagged behind, chatting away about everything.

            “I know your married… but can I have your number… things will be strictly as friends. I know better than to cheat with a Mafia guy’s wife. Even though I’m very attracted to that wife.” David said and looked straight into my eyes.

            “Alright…” I half smiled and looked down, I grabbed a pen and wrote my cell phone number down on his hand. “Give me a call sometime.”

            “I definitely will. It was great to meet you, Natalia.”

            “You too David.”

**

            One thing I missed about New York was having Ricky around all the time. At a moment like this, I definitely needed my best friend the most too.

            I dialed his number into the portable phone and walked into my closet and sat on the floor. It was like the only place I could get privacy to talk. The twins were napping too so it would be the best time.

            “Hello?”

            “Ricky, my love!”

            “Natalia! Hey girl. How are you?”

            “Missing you so much.” I sighed into the phone. “Damn Tommy Hilfiger for not letting you live here.”

            “I know… I wish things could be like before.” He sighed and I could picture him running his hand through his hair.

            “How’s Louis?”

            “He’s great… living together is really great… but I really do wanna get married.”

            “AWWWWWWW!” I screamed.

            “But we have to do a Civil Union or whatever. Same thing but I’m calling it a marriage, I don’t care what any stupid homophobe wants to call it.” 

            “Have you asked him yet?”

            “No… but I will.”

            I grinned to myself, loving that my best friend was so happy. It’s so crazy to see that we’re both (soon) married. I mean not even 5 years ago we were bitching about being single.

            Things change in the blink of an eye.

            Ricky knew about the problems with Justin, and how I felt and he encouraged me to talk to him about it, just as Savannah and Hope had. But I guess I was scared.

            “Why are things crazy? Like why do things have to change? Why do people have to change?”

            “I don’t know… I guess without change we’d all be dull and predictable.”

            “I’m gonna talk to him today…” I sighed.

            “Are you gonna be okay?” Ricky asked me, obviously worried.

            I loved that about him, he was always thinking of others before himself.

            “Yeah, I’m just worried. I mean I don’t want him to be a dick about things and as hurt as I am, I don’t want to end things with him. I love him.”

            “I know you do… I’ve known that you loved him since day one.”

            Hearing Ricky say that made me smile. I loved that he had faith in me and Justin, even though I didn’t at all.

            “Thank you… I needed to hear that.”

            “Hear what… that you love him?”

            “No, I needed to hear that someone else sees it.” I scratched my forehead and leaned my head back against the wall.

            “Listen sweetie, just relax and go talk to him… tell me what happens… okay?”

            “I will… I love you Rick. Bye.”

            “Love you too, Nat.”

            We hung up and I was left listening to the dial tone. It was now or never.

Chapter 3

            “Justin?” I walked into his office where he was busy doing paperwork. He looked up at me and smiled.

            “Hey baby… what’s up?”

            “Uhm…”I played with the hem of my shirt, kinda nervous to look up at him. I didn’t know why I was nervous though. I didn’t do anything wrong. “Can we talk…?”

            “Yeah sure…” He stopped what he was doing and sat back in his chair.

            “Justin… I’ve never said anything to you about this before but I think I really need to.” I curled up on one of his leather recliners in the office and he just looked at me confused.

            “Nat, is everything okay?”

            “Yeah…but I just need to confront you about something. I’m kinda having a hard time doing it too.”

            “Well just be honest with me baby.” Justin looked at me with concern. His blue eyes were filled with worry and I didn’t want to be mad at him anymore.

            “You lied to me. You told me that you were going to leave this whole crazy and violent life, but you never did. The fact that you did that hurts so much and I feel like I can’t trust you…”

            “Natalia…” He got up from his chair and knelt down before me, taking my hand in his. “It’s not easy to get out of this business…Look at Tommy, he wasn’t able to… but I promise I’m gonna try. I don’t want you to resent me, angel.”

            I looked away from my husband but he cupped my face in his hands.

            “The last thing in the world I could ever want is for you to be angry with me.” Justin said and looked like he was going to cry. “I love you so much, you blessed my life, Natalia.”

            “Justin, I’m not angry, I’ve just been unhappy.” I said and leaned in closer to my face.

            “I’m going to change that…I promise. I’m going to change for you, my angel.”

            His lips touched mine and I melted, everything I was feeling before just disappeared. Justin’s kisses were always so intoxicating and almost like a drug for me.

            After that, I was hooked, he picked me up and carried me onto his desk, knocking everything off it in the process. His hands roamed up my tiny skirt and in one motion, pulled my panties off.

            He double-checked to see that the door was closed and smirked at me, leaned down and kissed me again. Justin’s hand slipped back up my skirt and probed at my hole.

            I moaned and pulled away from the kiss, and began sucking right behind his ear, it drove him crazy and he started to finger fuck my pussy at a furious pace.

            I closed my eyes and clutched the side of his desk. Justin grinned at me and pulled his fingers out, making me whimper.

            “Don’t look so sad baby, you’re gonna get something a lot better in that pretty little pussy.”

            “The only thing I want in me is your cock.” I sat on his desk with my legs spread apart, with my tight wife beater lifted up a bit, showing off my toned belly.

            “Good… cause that’s what your gonna get…” He held onto my thighs and launched his rock hard dick straight into my glistening wet pussy.

            My mouth fell open and I closed my eyes. Every time we had sex, it always felt like the first time all over again. It was like all the anger and hurt was erased and it was just him and I, just like it used to be.

            “Natalia… you feel so fucking good…mmmm..”

            His voice was so fucking sexy, everything about him was sexy. I ran my hand down his face and just stared into his blue eyes, getting lost in the moment.

            All I felt for him was love, and that’s all I ever wanted to feel.

            I mean he did prove to me that he cared, he was kinda crying when I told him how I felt, he did love me. I needed to accept that.

            We really didn’t say anything, we were just lost in the rhythm. Justin pounded me furiously, and feeling him inside me like that truly made me feel whole. He completed me, as cliché and corny that sounds, its true.

            I often wondered what would have become of me if I hadn’t gone to work in my Uncle’s store that fateful January day, or if I would have never went to Florida three years prior.

            How would I have lived my life without Justin in it?

            “I love you Justin…” I kissed him so deeply, fearing for what could have been.  I guess it’s not really normal that I have that paranoia and fear, but whatever.

            His dick was rubbing against my g-spot with a fury and I knew I was close. My eyes were closed tight and my thighs wrapped tightly around Justin’s waist.

            “Fuck, I’m gonna cum baby…” As if on cue, he grabbed at my swollen clit and pulled at it and twisted it. I moaned, letting him know that he was doing the trick.

            Almost pulling out of me completely, Justin thrusted back into me, making me cry out and cum as hard as I could. Not even a minute later, Justin came, shooting his cum deep into my pussy.

            Without a minute to relish in the moment, Justin pulled his pants back up and moved back to his desk.

            “Listen baby, I have to get some work done… so can you go?” He was cold, not the same Justin I had known all these years. It was like he didn’t even care.

            I couldn’t believe he said that to me… I felt so used and disgusting, but I said nothing. I just walked out of his office and straight into our bedroom. I shut the door and collapsed on our bed and just began to sob.

            How could he be so mean? Then it hit me, he didn’t say I love you back to me when we were fucking, did that mean that he really didn’t mean it? I mean sure he had said it earlier in the day but maybe it was just said so he could fuck me.

            My Justin, how could he have changed so much? Was it all the money that changed him or the fact that he had everything he wanted?

            Pulling my cell phone off the charger, I stared at David’s number that I had gotten weeks earlier. I never thought I’d call him but I felt so dirty and so disgusting that I just needed to get away.

            Without even thinking, I pressed send and the phone was ringing.

            “Hello?” I heard his deep voice answer the phone.

            “David…It’s Natalia…” I was crying and I knew it was obvious in my voice.

            “Natalia… are you okay?”

            “No… can you meet me for coffee in an hour?” I couldn’t believe I was doing this, but I was so distraught. I just needed to go and talk to someone who didn’t know the situation

            “Yeah… sure… I’ll meet you at the place on 5th and Beverly Road?”

            “Okay… thanks.” I hung up the phone and dried my eyes.

            I rushed into the shower, disgusted with myself, and trying my best to get Justin off my skin. It felt impossible, but I still continued to rub my pale skin till it turned red.

            I dressed and dried my long now dark red hair with blonde highlights. I put on a pair of baggy black capris, my favorite pair of stilhetto boots and a white tank top with a chain that tied around just above my hips.

            “Justin, I’m leaving, watch the twins.” I said coldly to my husband, who didn’t even look up at me. He was on the phone, fighting with one of his many “business” associates.

            “Yeah Okay okay!!” He yelled, and waved his hand for me to leave. I rolled my eyes, holding back my tears and got into my Lexus SC 430 and drove to the café.

            I guess sometimes you have to take a risk. No matter how difficult things are or how farfetched things sound. Happiness is not so far away if you look for it.

Chapter 4

            Sobbing, I walked into the small coffeehouse and over to David, who had been waiting patiently for me. He quickly grabbed me and looked at me concerned.

            “Natalia, are you alright?”

            “He doesn’t love me… he treats me like his whore. I can’t live like this anymore. He’s fucking breaking my heart…I love him so much and I feel so used.”

            “You mean your husband? What did he do to you?” David stared at me concerned.

            “He makes me feel like a whore. I mean I just spoke to him and I thought I got through to him but he made me feel worthless.”

            “He shouldn’t make you feel like that because you aren’t worthless, Nat.” David grabbed my hand, while I just stared down at the floor with the tears pouring down my face. “You’re an amazing woman and you don’t deserve a life with all this abuse.”

            “It’s like he’s promised me so much and he’s lied continuously.  And right now… we… we had sex and he just basically threw me out of his office after. I really feel like he doesn’t love me anymore.”

            “Oh Natalia… that’s terrible.” He clutched my hand tighter and sighed. “You are a beautiful, young, talented woman and you have so much potential. Don’t let him take that away from you. Because right now I see a shell of what I saw the other day. You have to do what you know in your heart is right and what will make you feel better.”

            I closed my eyes for a moment, letting it register in my head that someone did care about me. I didn’t even understand why. I mean I barely knew David and it felt like he was as close to me as Ricky was.

            “I don’t know what to do to make him change.”

            “Have you tried talking to him?”

            “That’s the thing I have!” I pulled away from David’s grasp and rubbed my tear stained face. I really didn’t even want to see what I looked like at the moment because all I kept imagining was mascara running down my face. “I just tried talking to him and it feels like he just ignored my words.”

            “I don’t know what to tell you Natalia… I wish I could give you advice but either way is not gonna be easy. There are two options… you either stay and try to work it out. And from what you’re telling me right now I don’t think there’s gonna be any changes coming from him.”

            “What’s my other option?”

            David sighed and looked down at the floor, before finally meeting my eyes again. I watched him curiously, unable to believe how sweet he was being to me but still very curious to why. Was their an ulterior motive or had I just become so scarred after all the years of being with Justin?

            “You leave him.”

**

            I drove home in an almost zombie like state. Leaving Justin? That thought had never crossed my mind; I loved Justin with all my heart. He meant the world to me.

            What would I do without him in my life?

            I bit at my lip and continued driving down the narrow road to our house.

            Would it ever come down to me leaving him? I didn’t want to leave him, I wanted things to go back to the way they were and I wanted to just be a family.

            I contemplated pulling over to the side of the road and calling Ricky, but what was he gonna tell me what I already didn’t know? I had two options and I needed to explore them before I decided to do anything.

            Pulling into the driveway, I made my way up to see the twins playing in their huge playroom. I thought it was a little over the top but there was always one good thing about Justin, nothing was too good or too expensive for his babies.

            “Hey guys, whatcha playing?” I smiled and sat down next to them.

            “I wanna play trucks but Sam is not lettin’ me!” Nick said and huffed loudly.

            “Samantha, that’s not nice.” I looked at my daughter who sighed.

            “Fine! I no want to play with you anymore. Nicky is boring!” My two-year-old daughter exclaimed. I let out a small laugh at the craziness of my two children.

            I watched as Nikolas got up and ran to go play with his toy cars. Samantha just kept brushing the hair of her favorite doll.

            What would these two kids do if I left Justin? How would they cope?

            I know the two of them love their father with all their heart. I would feel almost guilty in separating the family when they didn’t even have a chance to enjoy it.

            I didn’t want to hurt anyone, but I didn’t want to keep hurting anymore.

            “I love you Samantha.” I placed a kiss on my daughter’s forehead and she just looked up and smiled at me.

            “I love you too Mommy.”

            I headed over to Nikolas and placed a kiss on his forehead as well. “I love you too Nikolas.”

            “I love you, Mommy.” He grinned at me, and I instantly saw Justin in his smile.

            Even if I left, I’d never be rid of him. These twins would always be reminders of him, because they are as much a part of him as they are of me.

            “Bedtime guys. Sorry.”

            “Ma, no sleep!” Nick pouted.

"Yes, you need to go to sleep cause tomorrow we're going to the park with Aunt Hope and Aunt Savannah. So you have to rest up.” I smiled at my two beautiful children and they instantly gave in at the reminder of going to the park.

“Okay, Mommy.” Samantha, the boss of the two, answered. She was just as demanding and stubborn as her father, hell they both were.

I took the two of them into their huge bathroom and prepared a bath with their favorite bubble bath which was imported from Italy. It was ridiculously expensive, but Justin wanted nothing but the best for his babies.

As I’ve said before, that’s the good thing about Justin; he won’t even flinch when it comes to spending money or doing something for the twins.

I sat and drifted off a little as the twins splashed around in the tub. The two had this special language, ‘Twinish’ as Savannah had dubbed it. All twins usually have their own language to communicate in, and the kids are still pretty young, so they usually speak to each other in half English, half twinish. It’s pretty cute.

“Are my two favorite babies having a bath?” Justin walked into the bathroom, clad in a black suit, dark blue silk shirt, black tie and even one of those fedora hats from the 1930s that Frank Sinatra wore.

The twins just merely giggled in response and splashed around. I didn’t even turn to look at him. I was just so fucking angry.

“Daddy has to go to do some work, but I promise, I’m gonna buy you guys all the toys you want tomorrow, okay?” He knelt down by the tub and gave the both of them a kiss.

“Okay Daddy, I love you.” Sam said and smiled.

“I love you too!” Nikolas grinned at his father.

“Alright guys, be good for Mommy.” He smiled and turned to look at me. “I’m gonna be in late, I’m sorry.”

“Whatever.” I said coldly, looking down at my red nails.

“Nat, you okay?”

“Yeah fine.” I answered quickly, not looking up at him.

“Alright, angel, see you later tonight.” He leaned down to give me a kiss but I quickly turned my face.

Justin was beyond hurt when I did this but said nothing. He just walked out of the bathroom and left. Again, he just showed that I mean nothing to him. I felt myself start to cry again, but I quickly wiped away my tears.

I got the kids out of the tub and dressed them for bed quickly. I wanted nothing more then to be in bed myself, but I definitely didn’t want to share it with Justin, so I grabbed some blankets and headed into one of the many TV rooms and drifted off to sleep on the leather couch, with the TV lulling me to sleep.

Chapter 5

            Most of the night, I laid sleeping in the living room watching old episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or more specifically Seasons 1- 3. Sure, I love the other seasons, but 1 – 3 are my personal favorites.

            All guys should be like Angel when he wasn’t an evil bad guy.

            “Natalia?” I heard Justin call for me.

            I groaned and pulled the blanket over my head. I definitely did not want to deal with him. Then again, he probably wanted sex that’s why he was calling me.

            “Nat? Are you in here?” I heard him in the same room as me and I rolled my eyes.

            It was 3 am from what I could see on my cell phone and I definitely did not want to talk to him or see him. Tears were falling from my eyes, and I had no idea why. I think the whole prospect of how sad it was that I was hiding from my own husband.

            The blanket was snatched away from my face and I looked up to see Justin looking down at me. His button down shirt was opened, revealing his chiseled chest. He looked so sexy at that moment and I wished I wasn’t so upset with him so I could fuck him.

            “What is it, J?”

            “Oh… I just didn’t know where you were.” Justin sat next to me as I curled my legs up to my chest. “I got worried.”

            “Oh I see.” I said coldly. “Well I was just watching Buffy so you don’t have to worry.”

            “You want me to watch with you?”

            “No actually.” I wasn’t looking at him directly, but I glanced at him from the corner of my eye and saw the hurt on his face. Why did he care now? Did he want pussy that badly?

            “What’s wrong with you baby? You’ve been so cold to me today.”

            I rolled my eyes at his question and got up off the couch, throwing the blanket down to the floor. If he didn’t know what was wrong, why should I even bother to tell him?

            “Nothing at all, Justin. Good night.”

            I walked up the stairs to the guest bedroom because I sure as hell did not want to sleep in the same room as him. Of course though, he was following me. He chose now of all times to be concerned, great.

            “Natalia, come on, talk to me.”

            “There is nothing to talk about, Justin.” I said through clenched teeth. “Now leave me the fuck alone.”

            Just as I was about to climb into bed, the guestroom door slammed shut and Justin stood there with his arms crossed.  I seriously was not in the mood to fuck around.

            “DID YOU NOT FUCKING HEAR ME?! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!”

            “What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you acting like such a fucking bitch?!”

            “BECAUSE YOU FUCKING TREAT ME LIKE SHIT JUSTIN!!! AND I’M SICK AND TIRED OF IT!!!” I was screaming at the top of my lungs at this point, I was just so angry, but thank God the twins didn’t hear anything. “YOU TREAT ME LIKE YOUR WHORE, NOT LIKE YOUR WIFE, AND I’M SICK AND TIRED OF IT!!

            Justin stood there shocked as all of the words I had been longing to say came out of my mouth. I wasn’t sure if I should have said them, or what was going to happen next.

            “Are you serious? I make you feel that way?”

            “Yeah Justin you do. Like today, we had sex and you kicked me out of your office. Do you know how hurt I was? And I mean we had worked things out but you just proved that you will never change.”

            “Baby, I’m so sorry…I never meant to make you feel that way or do that to you. I love you, you know that.” Justin said and sighed “Is that why you’re cheating on me? Is that why you went out today with some other man.”

“For your information, I was upset, because of you so I went out with a friend.” I rolled my eyes at him. “Now you have people following me?”

            “I always have people following you, it’s for your safety. Don’t act so shocked about that.”

            “Justin, that’s the thing! You don’t show me you love me, you have me followed and you just act like I’m always gonna be here, and you know what I’m not. I’m getting fed up of this. I’m sick of this life!!! I don’t know how much more I can take of this.” I was crying again. God, I hated that I was so weak in front of him.

            “I’m sorry Nat… please…” He was crying this time. I’d never seen him this upset, because he was sobbing. “Don’t leave me.”

            I didn’t look at him for a second and he just freaked out and grabbed my arm. If possible, the sounds of his crying got worse. Justin fell to his knees in front of me and grabbed my waist.

            “Please Natalia, don’t leave me. I love you and I’m so sorry…” His face was buried in my stomach and I looked down at him, crying softly as well.

            How could I leave him? How could I just throw everything away and ruin all of our lives?

            “I’m not leaving you Justin…”

            He looked up at me, smiling through his tears and kissed me so passionately that I thought I might pass out. No one ever kissed me the way Justin did. No one ever compared to him, even in his darkest moments, he was perfect.

            Then again, in the back of my mind there was a cloud of doubt. He hurt me over and over, what made this time so different? Would the chance of me leaving him, snap him into reality?

            I wasn’t exactly sure, but I guess I should try.

**

            “So wait… rewind… what the hell happened?” Savannah demanded, as her, Hope and I sat in the park, while the twins played in the sandbox, with a bunch of other kids.

            Like everything else in our lives, the park was exclusive for only the extremely rich and famous. Justin needed to have the kids showered with love and affection at all times, along with safety and everything they didn’t need.

            “I almost left him last night.”

            “Natalia, oh my God…” Hope stared at me in shock. “What the hell has been going on?”

            “A lot… but I’m basically sick and tired of this fucking mob life, and he knows it. “ I sighed and tapped my nails down on the side of the bench. “And I’m sick of him treating me like his whore and not his wife.”

            “I’m so shocked right now. Justin has been acting like this? The guy who almost died for you, and moved heaven and earth to be with you?” Hope said, with the look of shock never leaving her face.

            “Seriously, I don’t mean to call you a liar but that totally doesn’t sound like Justin. I mean maybe he didn’t mean to act like that to you.” Savannah agreed, I just rolled my eyes.

            “He knew exactly what he was doing. But just picture this scenario, Tommy or JC had been hurting you guys by lying to you. So whatever, you confronted them, and they promised to change. So you slept with them and they kicked you out of the room right after, saying they were busy. Bull shit they listened to you.” I was still hurt, and it was obvious in my words and the pain in my heart.

            Sure I told myself and Justin that I forgave him, and I did. But it’s not that easy to just forget. Then again, maybe I was just taking it to an extreme, as I always tend to do with everything.

            “Aww sweetie.” Savannah leaned over and hugged me, I just shrugged it off.

            “Whatever, it’s over and yeah… he promised to change… and hopefully, he’ll come through this time. I mean I love him and he loves me… and I can’t be selfish either… I have kids.”

            “But you need to be happy too…” Hope stated with a sigh. I could tell she and Savannah felt terrible for me, but I didn’t want them to. Life wasn’t that bad for me, especially because things were going to be different from now on.

            “I am happy… and if he changes I’ll be happier… I love Justin and I miss him… it’s just his work got in the way. It made him different…”

            “I understand, it was the same with Tommy.” Hope sighed and looked down, remembering a time in her life that she wanted to forget. A time when Tommy was cruel and all that mattered to him was business.

            “But he changed, and hopefully Justin will too...”

            “Exactly, because what woke up Tommy is that he knew what he was going to lose…the same thing will happen with Justin, if it hasn’t happened already.” Hope stated with a small smile. “Everything is gonna be okay, just don’t stress about it.”

            “She’s right.” Savannah looked at me with sympathy. “Plus you have two beautiful children to keep you busy.”

            I just nodded and looked over at my babies playing with other kids. They seriously had to be my reason for living and for my entire existence.

            I contemplated telling them about David, but I figured, what’s the point? They wouldn’t support our friendship just yet. But I definitely knew that David was an awesome guy for just being there for me and not trying to be a dick and put moves on me.

            He was respectful and was another Ricky for me. I wasn’t gonna stop being friends with him because anyone told me to.

Chapter 6

Things between Justin and I were calm. There was no fighting, no arguing, no coldness. It was like things were back to normal with us and I loved it. Justin was paying attention to me and the twins and was proving that he cared.

It had been a month since that fateful night Justin and I had finally opened up to each other. Things had been perfect since that moment on.

We were like a real family. Something I had been dreaming for had come true and I was so happy.

That night Justin promised to take me out. I was excited because we hadn’t been out together in the longest time. The twins were going to stay with their baby sitter, Paris, who I really couldn’t stand.

She was the daughter of some rich businessman in the neighborhood. I personally couldn’t stand the bitch, she was always making some excuse to come into the house and she was all up on Justin.

She didn’t even need the money, she just claimed that she “loved the twins, oh so much!” Stupid cunt. I hated her.

Of course when I told Justin my fears, he laughed it off and told me that I shouldn’t worry because I was the only girl for him.

“You know the drill, Paris, the emergency numbers are on speed dials 1 – 3 on all the phones and you know our number if anything happens.” I stated, to Paris. Justin was pacing impatiently, wanting to leave but I had to make sure my babies were going to be safe.

“Believe me, Natalia, I know.” Paris said, rolling her eyes. “You know the twins are in good hands, so would you just leave?”

Snotty bitch. I shot her a look.

            “She’s right, Nat… let’s go.” Justin said and I just sighed.

            “Alright. Call if anything, okay?” I stated again while Justin grabbed my arm and pulled me to the front door.

            Paris followed us to the door and smiled in a way that made me see red.

            “Bye Justin… I hope you have fun and that Natalia won’t be too dull of a date.”

            Glaring at her, I went to walk back to the house but Justin grabbed my arm before I could make it. Paris just smiled at me, almost mocking me.

            “Just kidding.” She laughed fakely and flipped her bleach blonde hair behind her shoulder.

            Justin had to push me into the car because I wanted to rip the hair out of her head. Go tan a little more bitch, you could be a little more orange!

            “I hate that girl.” I said through clenched teeth as Justin got into the driver’s seat. “She’s out to get us.”

            “Natalia, don’t even. You should be thanking her for watching the kids, even if she is a huge bitch.” Justin grinned at me, I just rolled my eyes at him.

            “Just drive.” I smirked and placed a small kiss on his lips.

**

            We had been partying all night at some club with Tommy, Hope, Savannah and JC. It was awesome to be out like that because it seriously felt like the old days.

            I remembered working at Joey’s bar with Savannah and Hope and being scared if the guys were gonna come around and stalk us. I was getting so nostalgic from remembering all the good times, especially when the three of us dressed up in costumes and went to eat.

            I missed the closeness we all had, but I wouldn’t trade moments like this for the world.

            “So JC, when are you finally gonna marry Savannah?” I winked at him and he just sighed.

            “Soon…” He looked away almost nervously.

            Commitment fears much?

            “Hey what’s up guys?” Lance Bass, one of Justin’s new workers, walked over and shook hands with Justin and JC who were sitting with me by the bar. Everyone else was either dancing or in the bathroom.

            “Hi Lance, did you take care of the Palm Beach job?” Justin asked curiously.

            “Yes I did. Martin and I took care of it so no need to worry.” Lance smiled, and his eyes turned to gaze at Savannah as she walked back over to us.

            “Hi Lance.”

            “Hello Miss Savannah.” He smiled at took her hand in his and kissed it softly.

            Lance had a thing for Savannah, oh shit. I turned to see JC’s reaction but he just kept quiet. How could he just sit there and be okay with a guy macking on his girl? There had to be something else going on.

            I needed to find out.

**

            The next day I went out to see David. No one really knew we were friends and we intended to keep it that way. But it was just the fact that David was so much like Ricky to me that it made me feel like Ricky was really around.

            David was also such a great guy to just hang out with and be stupid with. He made me feel like we were the only two people around and I could be 15 years old again.

            “So dork… how was the night out on the town with Justin and the Mafia crew.” David grinned at me.

            The two of us were sitting in a dim café just talking about nothing. Those were the times we always had the most fun.

            “It was actually really nice. But before that Paris the whore baby sitter was over and being overly insulting. Did I mention that I hate that girl?”

            “Yes you have, many times.” David laughed.

            “I do though! I hate that she’s near my kids and my husband and in my house but Justin hired her for some reason. “ I rolled my eyes and sipped my hot chocolate.

            “Maybe she wants Justin.”

            “That’s what I think!! But Justin said that it wasn’t true.”

            “I don’t know… maybe she does… because you’re always saying how she’s hitting on him and stuff.”

            “Whatever… she can hit on him all she wants. It’s me he’s fucking and me he loves.”

            “Good. Then that means no more stressing.”

            “Yeah but I can still hate her.” I laughed. “But anyway, there’s this new guy and I think he has a thing for Savannah.”

            “She’s the one with JC right?”

            “Yeah. But it was like, JC was right there and saw him hitting on her and he didn’t even care.”

            “Was he drunk?” He questioned. I shook my head.

            “No, he just sat there and watched. He has a major case of commitment fear.”

            “Yeah… he needs to marry her already. I mean they’ve been engaged for like 2 ½ years right?”

            “Yeah! They got engaged around the time the twins were born.” I said and pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear.

            “He better hurry his ass up before Savannah gets tired of waiting.”

            “I agree… but whatever… it’s not my business.”

            “Yeah just relax and worry about your own stuff.” David looked at his watch and then back at me. “Shit I gotta get back to work, my lunch is over. Anyway, gimme a call later. Love ya Nat.”

            He placed a kiss on my cheek and ran off to his car.

            He was right though, I needed to care about my own life. I sighed to myself and walked to my car and went home, not able to wait to see Justin and spend time with the twins.

Chapter 7

            I walked into the house to see the twins running around, making messes everywhere. There were plants on the floor and toys everywhere. Where the hell was Justin?

            “Hey guys… where’s Daddy?” I looked at my two twins who were coloring on the walls. I grabbed them both and sighed.

            Oh well, we wanted to repaint the house anyway.

            “Upstairs…” Samantha answered.

            “Okay… come on then… let’s go see Daddy.”

            I walked upstairs, holding Nick and Sam’s hands. I figured Justin must have gotten busy and headed to the office. Upon walking in I saw that Justin wasn’t there.

            Where the hell could he have gone to and left our children unattended?

            “Fuck!” I heard from down the hall. I raised an eyebrow and looked at my two children.

            “Go play in your room… okay?”

            They nodded at me and ran off, oblivious to what could be going on. Was someone attacking Justin? It could be possible and I was fearful to find out.

            I made my way down the hallway, following the noises. I was hesitant to actually see what was happening. How could I actually stop it?

            “Oh God!” I heard echoed and I didn’t know what to think. I busted the door open to the master bedroom and stood their shocked at the sight before me.

            Justin was on top of Paris, fucking her like crazy. He didn’t notice me at first and neither did she. They just kept fucking while I stood their, my heart literally broken in half.

            “Fuck me Justin!! Fuck me better than how you fuck your bitch wife. FUCK ME!” Paris moaned, almost the way a porn star would.

            “That won’t be hard babe.” Justin laughed.

            Oh my God… I couldn’t believe what was happening. These things didn’t happen to me. They happened to stupid women. Not me. Justin loved me…

            “You disgusting two timing bastard.” I finally got the strength to talk. I was shaking from all the emotions I was experiencing.

            Betrayal, anger, sadness, disgust…

            “Natalia?!” Justin turned around and stared at me with his eyes widened.

            “GO TO HELL JUSTIN!!!!!” I screamed and ran down the hall to my children’s room.

            I was delirious at that point. How could he do this to me? After confessing his love for me so many times, how could he go and cheat on me? How could he say those horrible things about me?

            We had children… and I thought he loved me.

            It was clear to me that I was nothing to Justin. I was just a tramp that he married. I wanted to throw up.

            “We’re going…” I picked up the twins, not even able to see well because of how hard I was crying. Everything was a blur.

            “Natalia stop!!” Justin was slipping on his pants and running down the hallway at the same time. He fell face first into the floor and called for me again. “Natalia please you have to talk to me!!”

            “I’m sick of talking Justin!!! I’M SICK OF YOU AND YOU’RE BULLSHIT LIES!!!”

            I’m never one to curse in front of my kids but I was really really upset. I headed down the stairs and ran out the door to my Lexus RX 330. I put the kids in the back and got in myself and locked the doors, just as Justin reached the car.

            “Natalia!! STOP!!!”

            I wasn’t looking at him, instead I was too busy tying the kids into their car seats. 

            “Mommy, what’s going on?” Nikolas said, with tears falling down his face.

            I ignored my son, and turned to look at Justin. I gave him a look of such hatred and such disgust.

            “Good bye Justin. Have a nice life with Paris.” I had to be the bigger person here, because my kids were around and I didn’t want to curse or say anything bad in front of them.

            Justin was sobbing and started to bang on the door of the car.

            “NO!! NATALIA!! LET ME IN! TALK TO ME!!”

            I said nothing, but turned on the car and sped off. Where the hell could I go? What was I going to do?

            Justin, the one person I thought would never hurt me just proved to be a scumbag like every other person in my life. I had definitely lost my faith in all people.

            “I want my Daddy!!” Samantha screamed from the back seat, with tears running down her cheeks. Nicky was crying just as she was.

            God, I hoped my children wouldn’t be traumatized.

            “How bout we go see Uncle David and we can go have some ice cream?” I was falling apart myself but I had to be strong for my babies.

            David. I would go see David. He would help me and he was the only friend I had that wasn’t connected to Justin. I needed to see him.

**

            As soon as I reached his house, I saw David was outside waiting for me already. I called him from the car and told him that I was coming. He noticed that I was crying and I told him that everything fell apart.

            I pulled into the driveway and shut the car off and the first thing I did was launch myself into David’s arms. I was crying hysterically but he whispered to me quickly.

            “Don’t cry in front of the kids. Come inside with the twins and we’ll talk.”

            I nodded and got Nikolas and Samantha out of the car and walked inside, trying to be okay, for the sake of my kids.

            David put on Nickelodeon on for them, which had Sponge Bob Square Pants playing. I walked with him into the kitchen where he went about making me a tea.

            “What happened?”

            “He….” I broke down crying and covered my face in my hands. David put his hand on my shoulder and sat across from me.

            “Shh… Nat, it’s alright.”

            “Justin cheated on me… with the twin’s baby sitter no less.” I took in a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.

            “What… “ David looked just as shocked as I probably did when I found out. “How do you know?”

            “I walked in on them…” I sobbed. “I knew there was something up with that Paris bitch!”

            “Shh shh…” David pulled me into a tight hug, trying to calm me down. I was hysterical at that point.

            Why me? Just why me?

            Why would Justin have to cheat? I put out whenever he wanted, I was like his fucking call girl. 

            “Why me?” I whispered into his shoulder. “I thought he loved me… he promised to change but he just hurts me in different ways…”

            “What are you going to do?” David asked me. I sighed.

            “Leave him… I can’t forgive him after that… it’s over…”

            “You have me girl… don’t worry about a thing. If you need a place to stay, money or anything… I’m here for you.”

            “I know you are… and thank you so much for that David.” I hugged him tighter and placed a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you for being such a great friend to me.”

            “I’m just returning the favor, beautiful.” David smiled. “Now have some tea and I promise you’ll feel better soon enough… okay?”

            “Thanks.”

**

            For the next few days, I stayed at David’s house with the twins and just laid low. My cell phone had rang numerous times but after a while I just shut it off. I didn’t want to talk to anyone except for David and Ricky.

            I called Ricky the day it happened. I was an absolute mess and he wanted to come down to Florida to be with me, but I told him not to.

            “Natalia, I do not want you to be alone and dealing with something like this by yourself. You either need to get you’re ass back to New York or I’m coming there.”

            “I can’t. I have David and he’s here for me… I need you Rick… but I need to be here and get my head straight.”

            “Just promise me you’re gonna be okay?”

            “I’m gonna try…” I started to cry again, and I didn’t want Ricky to hear me sounding so badly. I knew he was busy and had to work. I didn’t want him to stress over me either, he had enough problems in his life. “Listen… I should get going… I don’t want to tie up David’s phone lines… bye Rick…”

            “Bye sweetie… chin up… and please… try to hurry and get here.” Ricky sighed and hung up the phone.

            I hadn’t called Ricky in 3 days. I knew that Justin was probably calling and harassing. He probably was tracing calls for all I knew. I just wanted him to leave me alone.

            But I knew that since I was with David, I was fine. He was protecting me and taking care of me and that was all I needed someone to do for me.

            “Hey beautiful…everything’s gonna be okay…” David took my hand and placed a kiss on it. I forced a smile at him and sighed.

            “I know… and thank you…”

            “Shhh… don’t worry about it… all that matters is that you’re okay…” He looked into my eyes and I wanted to melt.

            Why did he have to be so sweet to me? Why did he have to take care of me and my kids without a second thought?

            I don’t know what came over me, but I placed a kiss on David’s lips. It was short and sweet and even shocked me that I did it.

            David just looked at me and a smile appeared on his face. He said nothing but just walked into the next room quietly. Oh God… I kissed him…but at the same time, I didn’t regret it.

Chapter 8

            I was spending the day with the twins, lounging about David’s backyard with the twins. I had my cell phone with me that was filled with missed calls from Justin.

            As far as I knew, he had no idea where I was and I was intending to keep it that way. I was going to push Justin out of my head and just think about me for the time being.

            I mean I wasn’t kidding myself, I knew I was going to have to deal with Justin eventually. I couldn’t keep him from the kids forever. But for now I wanted to chill out.

            I didn’t want to have a break down… or that’s what David told me. He’s been my rock through this whole thing.

            And the kiss… well…it hasn’t really been discussed since it happened. The two of us have been acting like nothing but the sexual tension has been mounting.

            “Mommy…” Nikolas called to me from the pool. I looked up from reading Cosmo and smiled at him.

            “Yes baby?”

            “I miss Daddy…I wanna go home.” Nikolas pouted at me. Samantha just looked at me doe-eyed and I really didn’t know what to say.

            I mean I didn’t want to fuck my kids up worse than they already were. So I figured this was the best thing to tell them.

            “I know but aren’t you having fun on vacation with me and Uncle David?”

            “Yea…”

            “Then don’t worry about it silly.” I forced a smile. “Come give Mommy a hug.”

            Nikolas ran and hugged me and I couldn’t help but to feel like I wanted to break down and sob. My kids were having their already dysfunctional worlds turned upside down.

            But if it weren’t for their dirt-bag father cheating and putting his fucking business as the first priority, this wouldn’t be happening. 

            Just then, my cell phone started ringing to the sound of “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” by Green Day. I glanced at the caller ID and saw Ricky’s name flashing.

            “Nicky go play with Sammie. She looks lonely. Okay?” My son nodded at me and I proceeded to pick up my ringing cell phone. “Hey Pato Malo.”

            “How’s it going, Nat?”

            “Same ol’, being depressed and unable to fathom that the so called “love of you’re life” would betray you so much.”

            “Bitter still?”

            “Very much so.” I sighed. “I don’t know. It’s just been hard…but I’ve been getting better.”

            “You do sound better. I just wish I could be watching out for you.” Ricky sighed and I could picture him rubbing his forehead. The poor guy was so stressed from work. I felt like an uber bitch for adding to it with my problems.

            But then again, I knew Ricky and I knew that he didn’t care about stress or any of that bullshit. All that mattered to him was that I was okay. I mean he was seriously ready to blow off work and just get the kids and me the hell out of here. I couldn’t let him do that.

            “I know…but think about it… you have vacation in like what… two weeks. Then you could come down here… or hell… maybe I’ll go to you sooner.”

            “Natalia, I wish I could just be there for you right now. Cause if I know you, you’re taking things tough and bottling it up.”

            “No…I mean, David and I have been talking about it a lot and he’s been helping me out.” I twirled a strand of my dark red hair and sighed.

            “I don’t know this guy so I can’t say anything about him. But I am gonna give you this piece of advice. Watch yourself, don’t get involved with anyone too soon Nat.”

            “I’m not…I mean he’s a great guy and I’m so thankful for him taking care of me and being by my side through this. But I’m not ready and he knows that.”

            “Alright babe. But still, you’ve heard my warning. It’s you’re life to live.”

            “I know, Rick and you know I always listen to you. I respect your advice babe.”

            “I know that and I’m trying not to be a royal prick here.” Ricky said. “And Justin keeps fucking calling my house. Thank God for caller ID.”

            “I know that feeling. I really have no idea how many missed calls I’ve had from him.” Staring down at the picture of Jessica Simpson on the cover of Cosmo, I sighed.

            She was so fucking lucky to have a guy like Nick, who loved her and would do anything for her. Especially a guy that did that and was brutally hot.

            I guess that was only a dream.

            “You have to talk to him sooner or later.”

            “Yeah well, I’m aiming more for the later part.”

            “Understandable, but don’t wait too long. You don’t want him to do something crazy because you know how he is.”

            “Sadly… I do know how he is.” I covered my face with my hands. “Listen Rick, I’m gonna go spend some time with the twins. Don’t worry about me… I’m fine, okay?”

            “Alright… bye Nat. Take care of yourself.”

            I hung up the phone and stared into space for a moment. I couldn’t handle the life Justin was in, I never could. I knew this from day one, when I was kidnapped. But what the hell drew me to him?

            What was it that made me so attracted to Justin? Maybe it didn’t matter anymore. Justin and I were over and done with. There was no chance in salvaging this. Hell, I didn’t even want to. I was fed up.

            My cell started ringing again and I answered it.

            “Forget to warn me about something, Ricky?” I said half jokingly, half serious.

            “Natalia…” I heard a familiar voice with a slight southern twang to it.

            I knew who it was and my eyes closed almost immediately. I didn’t really know what to do. I could hang up or listen. Either of which were probably not going to get him off my back.

            “Natalia talk to me… I know you didn’t hang up.”

            “No, Justin, you’re right. I didn’t hang up.” I said coldly.

            I don’t know why I stayed on the phone or listened to a thing he had to say. I shouldn’t have, but either way, Justin wasn’t going to win. I wasn’t going to go back to him like he wanted.

            He fucking cheated on me with the fucking baby sitter. No words could describe how betrayed and dirty I felt. Or how stupid I had to have been to have believed that he would never hurt me.

            I had been living in a fairy tale.

            “I’m sorry… I really don’t know how to express to you how sorry I am…”

            “Save it Justin. Because I’ve heard the “I’m Sorry” bullshit many times and frankly, I don’t believe you. I just want to know why me? Why did I have to be the one that you married? What was so good about me? Was it that I was an easy lay or maybe it was because I was so fucking gullible?”

            “No Natalia… I married you because I love you and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I still do.”

            “I don’t like liars Justin.” I said through clenched teeth. “Because if you were really happy with me you wouldn’t have fucked Paris.”

            “I always wanted you, Nat. Always, you’re my angel… you know that. You’re the one I want to be with forever.”

            “LIAR!!!” I suddenly burst out. I grabbed my cell phone and snapped it shut. With that I proceeded to cry like a baby.

            Maybe Justin and I didn’t have the perfect life but we were happy. Why did that have to change? Why did he have to sleep with Paris? Why did he have to break my heart?

            Questions but never a single answer. Maybe I’ll never have an answer. Maybe the answer lies within me.

            I guess I should have known all along. I should have listened to my Mother and even my brother who was rotting in jail. Even my Uncle Eduardo was right.

            I was just wrong about everyone and everything. Just a plain fuck up.

            My phone started to ring again but I ignored it. I knew it was Justin trying to apologize or some bullshit. I didn’t want to hear it.

            I guess it really was the end of me and Justin. I mean a part of me hoped that maybe time would heal the wounds but it hadn’t, and I really didn’t want to try anymore.

            I had said once before that Justin was on his last chance and I had to stand firm to my decision. Justin and I just didn’t work as a couple.

            Easier said then done actually falling through with what one says.

Chapter 9

            I spaced off, as I tended to do always and just got lost in my thoughts. What would have become of me if it weren’t for Justin? Would I have finished school and actually done something with my life?

            Or would I have become the bum that everyone always expected me to be?

            Sometimes it’s so hard to fathom how fast time has flown by. I mean I’m still just a kid and so much has happened to me. I mean I love my kids and I would never trade them for the world, but sometimes I wish I could have lived a normal life. I mean I’m only 22 years old.

            It’s scary that a few years ago I was a lazy bum mooching off my Mom and fighting with my brother.

            At that moment though, an idea hit me. I wanted to see my brother and I wanted to make peace with my family. I wanted my Mommy. I wanted to tell her that she was right about Justin.

            He was just a gangster that would hurt me.

            “Hey guys… you wanna go for ice cream?” David asked the twins and I with a smile.

            “Yeah!!” They yelled in union. I just laughed at their excitement.

            “You guys go… maybe I’ll just stay in…” I grabbed a copy of “The Godfather” which laid on the coffee table. “And do some reading.”

            “Yeah, reading about the Mafia is sure gonna help you to get your mind off everything.” David pulled the book out of my hand and rolled his eyes. “You need to get out of this house and function like a normal person. You can’t hide forever.”

            “I know…” I sighed. “And I was thinking that maybe I could heal the rifts between my family…go home maybe…”

            “You do what you want girl, but just know my door is always open.” David held out a hand to me and helped me up off the couch. “Now lets go!”

            “Alright alright!” I smiled and adjusted the top of my baby blue bebe sweat suit.

            I picked up Samantha and Nikolas and headed over to David’s pimped out black Escalade. I buckled the twins up in the back and then got in the passenger’s seat next to David.

            “You ready, doll?” He smiled so warmly at me, making me feel so safe.

            “Yeah.” I smiled back at him and took hold of his hand, giving it a squeeze.

            **

            We drove to the local ice cream store, which thrilled the twins. Upon seeing it they squealed. I usually didn’t like letting them have too many sweets because they got beyond hyper.

            They would seriously bounce off the walls, which tested my patients, but I figured, what the hell, a little ice cream might help them. Maybe it would get their minds off Justin too.

            “So what kind of ice cream do you guys want?” David asked the twins whom he was holding. It was adorable to watch him with them because he was so good with kids.

            “Chocolate!!” Nikolas exclaimed.

            “I want pink!” Sammie giggled and bit her bottom lip.

            “Strawberry you mean.” I said and laughed at her cuteness.

            The four of us walked into the ice cream place and from the corner of my eye, I saw someone watching us. I knew exactly who was probably following me or had people following me, but I was going to make sure that there wouldn’t be enough time for Justin to make an appearance.

            “Two cones, one chocolate and one strawberry. A waffle cone with cookie dough ice cream and Nat… you want anything?” David looked at me.

            “No I’m okay.”

            “I want sprinkles on mine!!” Samantha yelled.

            “Me too!!” Nick said.

            “And sprinkles.” David laughed, taking my hand and holding it. “Relax… okay.”

            “I’m trying.” I half smiled. “And I’m obviously not doing a good job.”

            “It’s hard… I know. But you need to be strong.” David advised me and looked deep into my eyes.

            “I know… I mean you keep telling me that but it’s like it goes in one ear and out the other.”

            “Don’t say that… I think you’re doing one hell of a job coping considering that you’re life has been turned upside down.”

            “Thank you so much for being here for me.” I reached over and hugged David tightly, only to hear the twins running around the small ice cream parlor. “Nikolas!! Samantha!! Come here now!”

            “Sorry Momma…” Nikolas grabbed his sister and ran over to me.

            “Here guys… ice cream!” David smiled and handed the twins their ice cream. That would busy them for about oh, 5 minutes, tops. “Now sit and talk with me.”

            “I’m kinda nervous…” I admitted as we sat down together at one of the small tables. The twins were busy eating their ice cream and didn’t bother to say a word to either of us.

            I doubt they understood what we were talking about anyway.

            “Why?”

            “I don’t want him to show up here… I mean I know we were being followed.” I picked at my nails nervously, chipping away my manicure.

            “Stop it, Natalia. You need to relax and definitely not fear him.”

            “David, you don’t know him like I do. He always gets what he wants.”

            “Not this time.” David took my hand and placed a kiss on it. “I have your back.”

            “I know… but I can’t stay in your home forever. I mean the twins are a handful… and I can’t put you in danger.”

            “I want you to stay with me… you bring a light to my life and I love having you in my home.” David sighed and stared at the ground. “If it were possible, I’d want you to stay forever.”

            I looked up at David, my blue eyes meeting his deep brown ones. He leaned in, ready to kiss me when he made clear that he was around. And I really don’t think I need to state who, HE, is but for the lay, I will say it.

            Justin was there, just as I fucking predicted.

            I quickly pulled away from David, whose lips I was aching to kiss. But I had to act like a deer in headlights and stare at Justin. It’s not like I didn’t know this was going to happen.

            Doesn’t it always happen to me?

            “Natalia…” Justin looked pale and basically a mess. His hair was long and grown out and the beard that adorned his face was not at all attractive.

            I cringed upon looking at him, wanting to vomit. He cheated on me. He fucked our children’s babysitter.

            “DADDY!!” Samantha’s ice cream was dropped onto the floor and she ran at her father. Always a Daddy’s girl.

            “Hey baby girl.” He picked her up and placed a kiss onto her cheek. “I missed you.”

            Nikolas just looked at me, obviously the day I left really affected him. I just nodded at him and he jumped off his chair and to his father.

            “Nicky… I missed you…” Justin cradled his two children in his arms and then stared at me. “We’re leaving… now. Get up and follow me now.”

            “I’m not going anywhere and neither are my children.” I said through clenched teeth.

            “They’re my children too!! Natalia just fucking talk to me.”

            “No we don’t, Justin.” I stood up and grabbed my two children from his arms. “I don’t want to talk about this right now… so leave.”

            “I’m not going anywhere until I talk to you.”

            “David.” I turned and half-smiled. “Can you watch the twins for a second. This won’t take long.”

            “Sure thing, beautiful.” David half smiled at me. I just sighed. 

            “Don’t call her that. She’s married.” Justin glared at David. I shoved him towards the doorway.

            “I’m separated asshole. ON THE FUCKING VERGE OF DIVORCE!!!!” I screamed when I reached outside. “I GUESS IT’S OKAY FOR YOU TO FORGET THAT WE WERE MARRIED WHEN YOU WERE FUCKING PARIS!!! So tell me Justin, did you really give it to her better than you gave it to me?!”

            “That wasn’t me Natalia… something came over me…”

            “A HARD ON CAME OVER YOU!!! YOU GOT HORNY, SO YOU WANTED TO FUCK!!!!” I shook my head, laughing almost insanely. “I just don’t understand… I gave you pussy whenever you wanted and you just went to Paris… the fucking babysitter to our children!!! How many times has it happened before, Justin? Huh? FUCKING TELL ME!!”

            “It’s never happened before, Nat… I swear.”

            I slapped Justin across the face with all my might.

            “DON’T FUCKING LIE TO ME!!” I almost started to cry but I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. “It’s over Justin. No turning back, we’re done.” I ran my hand along my face.

            “We’re not done, Natalia.” Justin walked over and grabbed me. “We never will be. You take your time and get over this… but you are mine, plain and fucking simple.”

            I could smell the liquor on his breath so I decided not to answer him back. I didn’t want to press his buttons, even though it took a lot for me not to. 

            “Every part of you is mine… your heart… your eyes… your mind.” Justin ran his hand down my face. “Your whole body is mine and not meant for anyone else…you are my soul mate, Natalia… and we are going to be together again.”

            His lips came down onto mine and I hated to admit it, but he still had his same effect on me as always.

            Justin pulled away from me and walked over to his car.

            “Remember… you can’t hide from me forever… or keep my children away from me. I know where you are at all times.”

            Nervously, I walked back into the ice cream parlor, where David was calming the twins.

            “David… we need to go.”

            He was barely looking at me, but just nodded and held the twins in his arms. We walked outside to his car while I just spaced off, thinking about what just happened with Justin.

            He played me once and would play me again. I wasn’t going to be his property. He wasn’t going to fucking win this one!

Chapter 10

            The car ride back to David’s was silent. I had a feeling something was up but I decided not to press anything until we got back home.

            Nikolas and Samantha were also abnormally quiet so it made me wonder what they had seen or heard. I would seriously kill Justin if my kids were messed up because of this.

            We pulled into the driveway and I unloaded the kids out of the car. They just seemed to follow David inside, almost robotic like.

            I bit at my nails and followed the three inside.

            “Hey guys… why don’t you go play upstairs?” I smiled at my twins who looked about ready to cry.

            “Okay Mama.” Samantha answered for the two and took her brother’s hand. She just walked up the stairs, while Nikolas just looked back at me, with a fearful look on his face.

            I bit at my lip and looked towards David, who basically looked just like the twins at that moment.

            “What happened?” I whispered. “What did they hear and see?”

            David closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. He said nothing for a moment, but just walked to the bar and poured himself a drink.

            “David?”

            “You kissed him…? You’re just going to go back to him like that?”

            “He kissed me… and I’m not going back to him.” I grabbed David’s hand. “You saw everything?”

            “Yeah… I was trying to distract them, but when you slapped him, it was what we all saw straight on.” He looked at me and sighed. “I’m sorry.”

            “I don’t know what to do anymore… he’s crazy… and was very much drunk.”

            “Great man for your kids to be around.” David rolled his eyes and put his glass down. “But forget it.”

            “David, what is your deal?!” I exclaimed. “I mean do you want me to leave because I can!”

            “Natalia, you want to know why I’m upset?” David walked over to me and stared me dead in the eyes. “Because I’m jealous.”

            “Jealous?” I stared at him incredulously.

            “He’ll always have your heart…”

            “David… don’t say that…”

            “It’s true though. You’ll always be in love with him.” David sighed and looked down. “No matter how much he hurts you, you won’t ever be able to stop.”

            “What’s going on with us, David? I mean we’re friends and… we’re developing feelings for each other…” I put my hand on his face and sighed. “I’m not even divorced yet… we can’t do this…”

            “But eventually. I’m not scared of Justin. I don’t care that he’s a drug or Mafia lord. I’m falling for you, Natalia.”

            “You…you are?”

            “Yes, and I know you are too.” He put his hand on mine and just smiled. “But I can wait until you’re ready.”

            I didn’t know what to say. I just stood their flabbergasted. He was falling for me? David walked upstairs and I spaced off while sitting on the couch.

            I was afraid, especially afraid of the change. I mean I knew I was going to divorce Justin but I didn’t actually think about being with anyone else… ever.

            Maybe that’s how it was meant to be. I was supposed to be alone and just raise my kids.

            Oh God. My kids. I needed to talk to them. I needed to make sure they were going to be okay.

            I felt like shit because I knew they were most likely going to need some heavy-duty therapy when they were older. Now was the time to seriously talk to the twins. I hoped talking would help them though.

            **

            A few days later I woke up to the sound of the voicemail alert on my phone. I sat up in bed and dialed my voicemail box and typed in my password.

            “Hey it’s Rick. Just wondering how everything is doing being that you’re a royal bitch and haven’t called me in a few days. So when you get this you better call me ASAP. Love you.”

            I half smiled at Ricky’s craziness. God I missed him. I couldn’t wait to see him either. I knew that after that night with David, I had to go. I couldn’t kiss him and act like everything was alright between us.

            I mean I just needed to get away. I was going to take Ricky’s advice. I couldn’t get into a relationship with someone else just yet anyway. 

            “Nat, its Savannah… I need to talk to you…” She was sobbing and it made me nervous. Had Justin done something to her in a drunken rage? “I know this past month we haven’t spoken much but you’re the only one I can turn to.”

            I nervously listened to the message of Savannah crying. I had never heard her cry and that scared me. She was always a tough girl and that freaked me out.

            “Hey, Nat… it’s Justin. You can be as pissed off as me at me as you want, but you are not keeping me from my children. I want to see them today… I know you know what I’m capable of, just like you fucking told Ricky, so you better let me see them. I’ll be home all day.”

            FUCKING ASSHOLE!!! He was tapping my cell phone some how, or maybe even Ricky’s phone. Goddamnit. I hated him but I didn’t want him to do something crazy like take my kids away from me.

            I decided to screw calling Justin and immediately dialed Savannah’s phone number. Ricky would have to wait till later.

            “Hello…?” She answered, still crying as she was on the voicemail.

            “Savannah, its Natalia. Are you okay?”

            “Nat… I need you to meet me somewhere… please?”

            “Sure… where to?” I responded, willing to do anything she wanted. I hate when my friends or family are upset.

            “Meet me at Angel’s diner. You remember it right?”

            “How could I not… it’s by Tommy’s mansion…” I sighed and stood up from my bed. “So many memories.”

            “I know but please just do this for me… I need to talk to you and Hope together…” Savannah begged me through the phone. I just walked over to the window and bit my inner cheek.

            “Of course I will. I’ll meet you there at 2.”

            “Thank you, Nat.” She hung up the phone and led me to the thoughts I had been avoiding.

            I had to see Justin.

            **

            After showering, getting the kids ready and finding the sexiest outfit I could find, I was ready to go take the twins to Justin’s. I had to look sexy and let him know what he was missing out on.

            I had on this white, tight shirt with one button, ultra low rise, stone washed seven jeans and my newest pair of white suede Manolo Blahnik pumps.

            Being that I’m such a fashion maniac, I had to dress my kids adorably. Nikolas had on a Burberry t-shirt and matching denim Burberry overalls on with the matching sneakers.

            Samantha wore a hot pink Lacoste dress, and matching color UGGs. Everything was custom made for my babies.

            “Mama!” Samantha called to me as I scrambled around the house looking for my white leather Kate Spade bag.

            “Yes, baby?!”

            “Wanna see Daddy!”

            “Hold on, baby. I need my… ah! Here we go!” I picked up my bag and walked to the doorway where Samantha and Nikolas were both waiting.  “Now we can leave, sillies.”

            I opened the door and walked over to my Lexus and let the kids in. Before I even knew it, I was there in front of Justin’s and my once home. I got out of the car and helped the kids out.

            “Hold my hands.” I instructed my twins who listened to me and held my hands tightly.  I walked up to the front door and knocked on it nervously.

            Two guards answered the door, Lonnie and Ruben. I had known them since I was kidnapped and they were really nice, despite the fact that they were big and scary.

            “Miss Natalia…I heard you were coming to bring the twins…” Lonnie smiled warmly at me. He was always the type of person to make you feel so welcome and safe.

            I guess that’s why he was a guard.

            “Yeah…”

            “Justin is in his office upstairs… I’ll take you up to him.” Ruben stated to me with a grin.

            Ruben looked like a big teddy bear that you just wanted to hug. I also caught him singing a few times and he seriously kicked ass.

            “Alright, thank you Ruben.” I held on tightly to my two and half year old twins and made my way up the stairs.

            Ruben opened the door to Justin’s office and the twins let go of my hands and ran to their father. Justin was freshly shaven and looking sexier than ever.

            Justin was wearing a tight white and blue pinstriped shirt and a pair of black pants. Just looking at him made me horny.

            “Hey guys.” He got down on his knees and opened his arms out for the two running toddlers.

            “Daddy!” Samantha giggled.

            “Missed you guys.” He picked placed kissed on each of their cheeks and then looked up at me. “I guess you got my message.”

            “Yeah. I did.” I glared at him, hiding the fact that I wanted to fuck him so badly. I mean I hated him, but I still wanted to fuck him… that’s normal… right?

            “You’re welcome to stay if you’d like.” He walked closer to me, staring up at down at my body. “Did you wear this just for me?”

            He said it low enough so that the twins couldn’t hear, but loud enough so that I could. If looks could kill he’d be dead on the floor.

            “No, I wore this because I have a previous engagement.” I said in a snotty tone.

            “Funny, I thought you wore it so I could rip it off and fuck that pussy of yours.”  He whispered to me with a smirk on his face.

            I knew his tricks oh so well. He thought seduction was going to work on me? This was different. This wasn’t like before, when I left after he shot my brother. He had cheated on me and I didn’t care how hot he looked. I wasn’t going back to him. I was stronger than that.

            “Keep your pants on Justin.” I said and rolled my eyes. “You’re never getting any from me again… but I’m sure Paris is up for it.”

            I walked over to the twins who were looking through Justin’s desk drawers.

            “Hey guys, Mommy has to go, but I’ll be back later to pick you up okay?”

            “Mommy stay!!” Nikolas exclaimed and grabbed my hand.

            “I can’t baby. I’m sorry.” I bent over and placed a kiss on his forehead. I knew all the while that my thong was sticking out and I knew Justin’s eyes were glued to that.  “Be good okay?” I kissed Samantha’s forehead and stood back up and turned to Justin who was staring at me with eyes filled with lust.

            “Bye guys. Be good for Daddy.” I walked toward the doorway where I purposely rubbed up against Justin. I felt his straining hard cock, rub against me and I swear it took all the strength I had to keep walking. “Later Justin.”

            “Fucking cock tease.” I heard him mumble under his breath.

            A smirk just crossed my face as I walked down the stairs and back to my car.  Now I was off to see Hope and Savannah. I couldn’t help but to wonder what exactly Savannah had to tell us.

            Had she broken up with JC? What was going on? There was only one way to find out. I sped off to Angel’s diner to find out what exactly was going on this last month that I was gone.

Chapter 11

            I arrived at Angel’s Diner and parked my car in the lot. When I walked in, I saw Hope sitting with Savannah, who was crying her eyes out.

            What the hell happened?

            I hugged both of them, but especially Savannah because her tears were terrifying for me to see.

            “Sweetie, what happened?” I asked my friend and finally sat down at the booth next to her.

            Savannah wiped the tears from her face and looked down at the floor. She looked so broken. I really felt for her at that moment. “I don’t know how to say it…” She sobbed.

            “Just come out and say it, girl.” Hope leaned over and grabbed Savannah’s hand, offering her a reassuring smile.

            “I…I was raped.”

            “What…” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. She couldn’t have been raped. Who the hell would do something like that…?

            Savannah sat back and began to explain the story to us.

            **

            “I’m sick of this JC! I’m sick of you pretending that I mean something to you when in reality I don’t!” Savannah exclaimed.

            “You’re telling me just because we’re not married yet means that I don’t fucking love you?! That’s bullshit Savannah!!”

            “I am not going to wait around forever, Joshua.” Savannah shook her head. “And apparently you’d like to wait forever… so I guess we aren’t as compatible as we thought.”

            “Come on… Don’t be like that, Annah.”

            “Whatever.” She picked up her pocketbook from the table and headed to the door of the Mansion she and JC lived in. “I’m going out. Don’t wait up.”

            Savannah slammed the door behind her and headed down the street, unsure of where she was going. The southern brunette walked down the street in a fury.

            How could JC just string her along all these years? How could she have been so stupid for believing that he would actually marry her?

            That was a lie. Everything he had said to her was a lie. Eventually, Savannah had wandered to the bad part of town, a part one didn’t want to be alone in at night.

            “Savannah… what are you doing here?”

            She looked up to see Lance, one of the family’s workers standing before her.

            “I was just out for a walk.”

            “You shouldn’t be hanging out in this neighborhood alone, especially when wearing that.” Lance commented. He motioned to her outfit, a short pink ruffle skirt, a pink tank top and a sheer white shirt over it.

            “I can take care of myself, Lance.”

            Lance eyed her body and just shook his head. There had been much sexual tension between the two, especially when a month earlier, Lance had tried to kiss her.

            She remembered it all so clearly as well…

            Savannah had gone another night with JC breaking plans and basically showing her that he didn’t care. It was nothing new for her though.

            She had originally figured that she was going to spend the night alone at home, most likely curled up with a good book. She was beyond wrong.

            Lance, someone she had become very close with over the time he had began working, had asked her to come out with him. At first she had refused but he begged her to go.

            The two had a great time, laughing and dancing and drinking. That was up until Lance took her back to her and JC’s home.

            “I had a great time tonight, Savannah.” He said to her with a smile.

            “So did I, Lance.” She smiled at him. “Thanks for convincing me to come out with you tonight.”

            “No problem, girl. I couldn’t let you sit home alone.” Lance beamed at Savannah, a smile that almost made her go weak in the knees. “You deserve to be happy… I’ve seen that you aren’t.”

            Savannah looked up at Lance, almost shocked at what he was saying. How did he know that she was so miserable?

            “I see the way JC treats you and you deserve better than that.”

            “Lance…”

            “Savannah, I’m being honest here. You deserve someone better, someone like me…”

            “I can’t…neither can you Lance. They’ll kill you…” She whispered to Lance, beyond afraid. She didn’t want Lance to die, even though she did feel for him.

            “I’m not afraid of them…” He leaned in to kiss her but Savannah jumped out of the car and into her house. She couldn’t cheat on JC and risk Lance being hurt, no matter how attracted she was to him or hurt she was with JC.

            “I just want to help you.” Lance knocked her out of her memories. Savannah shook her head and decided to just keep walking.

            “I’m fine Lance. Really. Just leave me alone.” She walked fast, trying to get as far away from Lance as she could until she reached an alleyway.

            The southern girl headed down it until someone grabbed her and held her covered her mouth with his hand. She felt the cold metal of a gun against the side of her head and tears fell down her face.

            “One sound and I shoot…you’re going to do exactly as I say…” The man hissed at her. All the while, Savannah was never able to see the face of her attacker, but was forced to submit to him.

            **

            “Oh my God.” I brought my hand up to my face and stared at Savannah in shock. How could this happen to her? She didn’t deserve this, she was one of the nicest people I’d ever known.

            “I haven’t even told JC…” She covered her face in her hands. “I can’t tell him…”

            “Savannah, you have to!” Hope exclaimed. “He and Tommy and Justin can help find this guy that hurt you!”

            “I just want to be left alone.” Savannah sobbed. “This guy told me he’d come after me if I got anyone after him. I just want to live my life and forget.”

            “Sweetie, are you forgetting that you’re boyfriend is in the mob and can have this guy eliminated?! You have to tell someone, they can make this all go away.” I stated while Hope nodded in agreement.

            My broken best friend didn’t say anything, she just stared at the floor for a moment. It broke my heart to see her this way.

            “I can’t…” She whispered.

            “I have a confession to make guys…” Hope said suddenly. Savannah and I turned to look at her. “Someone was following me too last night.”

            “Following you?” I raised an eyebrow.

            “Yeah, I was driving home last night because I spent the day at the Spa in Miami. This car just kept following me and even tried to run me off the road…”

            “Oh God… someone’s after us… they’re going to try to kill us…” Savannah broke down crying and I hugged her tightly.

            “Guys don’t worry about it… everything is gonna be okay… I promise.”

            I knew at that moment that it was up to me. As much as I was going to dread it. I had to talk to Justin.

            **

            I stormed into Justin’s mansion in a fury. I pushed the guards out of my way and headed up the stairs. He was going to help Savannah and I didn’t care that I had to talk to him he was going to fucking put this mob shit to a good use for once.

            “Miss Natalia, you can’t go in there!! There’s an important meeting going on!!” Bruce yelled to me, a guard that was blocking Justin’s office.

            “Out of my way.” I said and pushed Bruce from the doorway. Bruce was a really big guy and it took a lot of force to do so, but I knew what I had to do and nothing was going to stop me.

            “Timberlake.” I said glaring at him. “I need to talk to you. Alone. NOW.”

            I didn’t give a fuck that I had interrupted one of his infamous “meetings” that I had always been banned from. It was something where all the families got together to talk about business and drugs and what not. I didn’t give a fuck that I was interrupting something dangerous, what I had to do was important.

            “Natalia, I’m busy right now. I’m in the middle of a meeting.”

            “Aww… Justin let her stay… she’s quite the beauty.” One of the typical Italian Mafia looking men said to Justin while staring at me.

            “Thank you, Sir. I think I will until Justin can talk to me.” I sat down next to the guy and smiled evilly at Justin.

            “J, go talk to her, I’ll take over.” Tommy said and got up out of his seat. Justin just sighed and turned to address the men.

            “I’m sorry, Mr. Ryan will be taking over for now and I’m sure you all are familiar with him.” Justin looked at everyone and sighed. “My deepest apologies.”

            Justin stormed over to me and grabbed me by the arm, yanking me up from my seat. I almost tripped upon standing up but I didn’t, I just looked like a complete idiot.

            I turned to smile at all the men when Justin pulled me out the door and down the long hallway, into the once bedroom we once shared.

            I wanted to cry when he brought me in there.

            “So what the fuck is so important that you stormed into one of my fucking meetings?”

            “Number one, you’re having a fucking meeting and not watching my kids… where the fuck are they? AND YOU BETTER NOT TELL ME PARIS IS WATCHING THEM!!” I yelled at my soon to be ex-husband.

            “No no no!! They’re taking a nap and I have the baby monitor right here!” Justin pulled the baby monitor out of his pocket and I just rolled my eyes.

            “Alright… now what I really came here for is to ask for your help.”

            “What’s up babe? What do you need?”

            “Don’t call me babe.” I stated coldly and closed my arms. “Last night… a good friend of mine got raped…”

            Justin watched and listened intently, but spoke up quickly when I paused.

            “Was it you? I swear to God, Natalia I’ll kill whoever hurt you.”

            “No, it wasn’t me, but it was someone close to me, so it might as well of been me. Another one of my good friends was followed and attacked… Justin what’s going on?!”

            “What do you mean?” Justin was concerned. He watched me curiously. “Who did this happen to?”

            “I think this has something to do with one of the Mafia families. Justin, you have to find out who’s doing this and stop them. I know we like hate each other but I know you don’t want to find the mother of your children dead.”

            “Don’t be stupid, Natalia. You know I don’t hate you, you know I’m still fucking in love with you.” He shook his head and sighed. “I told you that something was up with me… I didn’t mean to sleep with Paris…”

            “Whatever, Justin.” I scoffed at him.

            “And don’t avoid the question… who did this happen to?”

            “I can’t tell you…”

            “Nat, you have to. It’s so I can help you.”

            “You can’t tell anyone…promise me. I mean if you promise anything and fall through with it… do this for me, okay?”

            “I promise.”

            “Savannah got raped last night and Hope was stalked…Justin if they come after me or the twins or go after Savannah or Hope again I don’t know what I’ll do.”

            “Calm down…” Justin reached over to put his hand on mine but I snatched it away quickly.

“Don’t touch me.”

            “You’re not leaving this house and neither are my kids… do you hear me? I’m not having you out on the streets so you can get raped or killed.”

            “You are not going to dictate to me what I can and cannot do, Justin!” I yelled.

            “Natalia, stop being a fucking bitch and listen for once.”

            I raised my hand to slap him but before I could he caught my hand.

            “Get off me, Justin!!” I went to hit him with my other hand but he grabbed the other one too. I struggled to fight him but I ended up falling onto the bed with him on top of me.

            I was glaring at him and within seconds, I ended up kissing him. I don’t know what had come over me because mere seconds ago, he repulsed me, (or at least telling myself that I was repulsed) and now I was kissing him.

            Justin was holding my arms over my head and kissing me so deeply that it was dizzying. He pulled away and stared me dead in the eyes.

            “I haven’t been with anyone since what happened. I haven’t wanted to be with anyone. You are the only one I want.”

            I really doubted if I believed him. But fuck, I wanted him. I wanted him to fuck me so I could just forget everything for the time being.

            I rubbed my body up against his, giving him the hint that I wanted him. He obliged and practically ripped off my white shirt with one hand.

            “No bra… I figured and I’m delighted that I was able to find out for myself.” He was smirking and his mouth latched itself on to my hard nipple.

            Justin looked up at me while he sucked on them, his eyes never leaving mine. Finally his teeth sunk down and bit down on my nipple, making me moan out. Justin knew me so well, he knew that just by doing that, he would get me so wet and so horny that I wouldn’t be able to control myself and I wouldn’t want to stop.

            “So tell me Nat… what do you want…?” Justin had pulled away from my nipple and was just smirking at me. He wanted me to say that I wanted him. I knew how his mind worked, but I honestly didn’t want to say a thing.

            I kept my mouth shut as Justin unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans with his teeth. I bit down on my lip to keep myself from screaming anything out.

            He had me down to my panties and I just laid there, watching as he smirked.

            “God you’re wet… I can see it through your barely there thong. Now I definitely know you wore that for me.” Justin traveled down from my breasts to my pussy, all the while holding my arms in place.

            He took the hem of my panties in his mouth and tugged them off, finally letting go of my arms.

            “You better not move, Natalia. I don’t want to have to tie you up…” Justin smirked. “I know you hate it when I tie you up.”

            He grabbed hold of my panties with his teeth and yanked them off me completely. Justin couldn’t help but to chuckle slightly when he saw how wet I was.

            “Sure you didn’t want me… you always want me… whether you claim to hate me or not.” Justin moved his face closer to my pussy, his warm breath made me squirm under him.

            His tongue ran across my clit and I moaned, closing my eyes shut. He wouldn’t stop teasing me; he had to make me admit that I wanted to get fucked by him.

            “Just tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you.” He said and his tongue licked upwards, gathering up my juices.

            “I want you to fuck me!!” I finally screamed out.

            “Good girl.”

            He pulled away from my pussy and got up on his knees, pulling my legs so that they rested on each side of him. My hips were tilted upwards and before I knew it, Justin was inside me.

            He was pumping away as he always had, the same way that had drove me crazy and still did. His huge cock was hitting me in all my spots, the way that only Justin could.

            I moaned out, my body aching from the position we were in but not wanting to end the pleasure. I guess Justin realized my discomfort so he flipped over, with him on his back and me on top and smiled.

            “Ride me, Nat…”

            I complied with what he said, not thinking about anything else but having the orgasm of a lifetime. I bounced up and down on his cock with him leading my hips with his hands.

            The pleasure was so intense for the both of us, and I just wanted this moment to last forever because in the back of my mind, I knew this was a one time thing. I wasn’t getting back with Justin, this wasn’t going to make me forget everything that happened.

            I wasn’t even thinking about David, who I should have been thinking about. I mean I cared for him and I knew he cared for me. I couldn’t do that to him. He didn’t deserve it.

            “God, Natalia.” Justin groaned. “I love your pussy. I missed it so much.”

            I wasn’t even paying attention to him, my head was thrown back and I probably looked like a wild woman, moaning and panting. But fuck I hadn’t had sex in a little over a month, and this is coming from a woman who got it practically everyday for 3 years. Talk about a complete lifestyle switch.

            My orgasm came and it was hard. Justin came just as I did with a loud moan. I collapsed on his chest with him still inside me.

            “Gimme a few minutes and we’re gonna be fucking again, so don’t you tire out of me.”

            I blinked a few times, knowing that Justin and I were going to be having sex until one or both of us tired out from exhaustion.

Chapter 12

I laid in the bed next to Justin, who was sleeping and stared at the ceiling. How could I have done this? How could I have slept with him? My heart was pounding, I wasn’t going to get back together with him. GOD! This situation had happened before and there was no solution except giving in to what Justin wanted.

THAT WAS NOT GONNA HAPPEN! I was not gonna get back with him.

I crept out of the bed and pulled on my clothes. The faster I got out of there, the faster I could get on with my new life without Justin.

I ran to the playroom where Ruben was watching the twins. As long as it wasn’t Paris, that seriously would have added to my list of reasons for despising Justin.

“Hey Mrs. T. I was just playing with the kids.”

“Thanks for keeping an eye on them, Ruben. But I really need to go.” I ran my hand through my messy hair and grabbed my children.

I’m sure it was really obvious by my disheveled demeanor what Justin and I had been doing in our bedroom but I really didn’t care. I wanted to get the hell out of there.

Almost running out to my Lexus waiting for me outside. I secured the twins into their car seats, when I heard the voice of someone that I really never wanted to see in my life.

“Natalia. To what does the neighborhood owe your not so lovely presence? Stupid spic. ”

Paris, that fucking bitch, how dare she fucking say that about my ethnicity.

“Paris. Dear.” I said sarcastically. “I do believe that you forgot to rub in some orange from your 10 second tan.”

Paris looked me up and down and scoffed loudly.

“Always the kidder, Nat. Although I wish you were kidding with that outfit. The sophisticated Mom look isn’t for you… I’d try more for the trailer trash look next time. It seems to be more up your alley.”

I wasn’t going to fight with her, damnit, I needed to get out of there and not waste time! I gritted my teeth and looked up and down at her.

“And it seems that you’ve got that look down pat.” I flipped my hair and took a deep breath to calm myself down. “Anyway, I don’t have time to stand here and argue with whores who break up families. You can have my sloppy seconds.”

“I’d take sloppy seconds of Justin any day.” Paris cackled. “But do make sure you take those horrendous little brats with you. I know I had to pretend to like them before but if they stay with Justin and I, I will make sure to send those little mobbettes to boarding school.”

Oh no she fucking didn’t talk bad about my children. This little trollop wasn’t going to get away with that. I charged at her, throwing her onto the floor and pulled at her bleach blonde hair extensions.

“You can diss my style… which is so much better than yours might I add…  you can steal my husband… and make ethnic slurs but you fucking dissed my kids?!” I pulled my fist back and slammed it into her plastic face. “Bitch you’ve fucking asked for it!”

I seriously had no idea what I was doing. It was like everything I was feeling, my anger and hurt towards Justin, my hatred for Paris, my confusion with David and the feeling of just being lost was all coming out. “Poor” Paris was getting the brunt of it all though. She had just picked the wrong time to fuck with me.

I slammed her down against the concrete and clawed at her face. All Paris could do was pull at my hair, which only made me more enraged. My father would pull my hair when I was a kid and it just infuriates me to this day when anyone does it.

“YOU STUPID FUCKING WHORE!!!! YOU BROKE UP MY FAMILY AND YOU RUINED MY LIFE!!!! I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE!!!!!!”

Before I knew it, I was choking her. She scratched and slapped at my arms, trying to get me to stop, but I didn’t care.  I just loved watching her gasp for breath. In a sick twisted way, I guess I had snapped and watching the color drain from her face was giving me peace.

“Miss Natalia!!” Bruce pulled me kicking and screaming off Paris while Lonnie assessed to Paris on the floor.

“What’s going on?!” Ruben ran outside of the house, staring at the scene. God, I must have looked like the biggest psycho and at that moment I probably was.

“Go get Mr. Timberlake… NOW!!” Lonnie ordered Ruben who ran into the house. Damnit. So much for my escape.

“Now both of you calm down!” Bruce yelled at us.

“GET OFF ME!!” I screamed out. “BECAUSE WHEN MY HUSBAND GETS HERE YOU’LL ALL BE SORRY!”

I must have put the fear of God in him because Bruce let me go and I ran into my car just as Justin came outside.

“What the hell is going on here?” Justin exclaimed as he ran out of the house, buttoning up a white shirt that looked really good on him.

I rolled down my window a bit and looked over at everyone, but mostly stared at Justin.

“Thanks for everything Justin… but really let’s never do it again.” I took off my wedding and engagement rings and threw them on the floor in front of him.

With that I sped off to the only place I could think of. Home. I didn’t give a shit if it was going to take me a long time to get there. I was gonna go home, back to New York, to my Mommy and to Ricky.

I was going to try to talk to my Mom and let her know that she was right and that I was sorry. I was gonna become Natalia Fuentes again.

**

Driving with two kids crying was really tough but I managed to make it. As soon as I saw the Welcome to New York sign I knew I was home. No one was gonna control my life anymore, no one was going to hurt me.

Some how, I made it to my mother’s house in 48 hours. Sure I stopped a few times to sleep and eat but for the most part I was proud of myself.

Pulling the twins out of the car, I cradled a sleeping Nikolas and held Samantha’s hand. It was about 5 o’clock in the evening when I knocked on Isabel Fuentes’ front door.

I adjusted my bebe t-shirt that I was able to stop and get at a store. I couldn’t be ew and not change my clothes or the twins clothes.

My mother opened the door and stared at me in shock. Tears came to my eyes when I saw my mom standing there.

“You were right, Mami. You were right about everything.”

“Natalia…” Isabel threw her arms around me and the sleeping Nikolas I was holding.

“Mommy Mommy… who is that?” Samantha asked and sleepily rubbed at her face.

I smiled a little bit and my mother let go of me and bent down to my daughter who just looked at her with confusion.

“I’m you’re grandma… call me abuelita, it’s prettier than grandma.” Isabel Fuentes hugged Samantha. “She looks just like you.”

“Her name is Samantha… and this is Nikolas.”

My mother stood up and ran her hand over her grandchild’s face softly. Although she had once told me she’d never accept them as her grandchildren, she had already done so.

“Que muchacho mas guapo.” She smiled. “He looks just like Andrew.”

My Mother looked up at me, I probably looked like hell from all the crying. She stroked my face lightly.

“Poversita…” Sighing and quickly forgetting about everything almost instantaneously, my Mother grabbed Samantha’s hand. “Come in come in.”

I followed my short Hispanic mother into the living room, catching a glimpse of my stepfather who sneered at me and walked up the stairs. I always knew that he hated me.

I laid Nikolas down on the couch that I had grown up lying on. Samantha was busy hugging her newfound grandmother. It made me happy that my Mom actually accepted them.

**

Samantha fell asleep a little while later and my Mother and I were left to talk finally. She sat in the kitchen making us tilo, this tea for the nerves that she swore by.

“Now, mijita. I want you to tell me what’s been happening.”

“Mommy… he cheated on me. You were right about him.” I looked down, defeated and felt tears slide down my face.

“Natalia…” My Mother grabbed my hands and placed a kiss on them. “Forgive me for the hurtful things I’ve said to you. I just knew you could find better then him and that he would only hurt you. But things happen for a reason. He was a maldito, but without him you wouldn’t have had esos hijitos lindos.”

“I know… but I loved him, Mami.”

“I know Natalia. I felt like that when tu maricon padre, left me.” Isabel Fuentes stated, the anger almost radiated from her at the mention of my father who she so “lovingly” called a faggot. “But I lived my life and moved on for my children and you must do the same.”

I just nodded and stayed quiet. My Mom was right. I had to get on with my life. I sipped at my tea and spaced off.

I had no idea how I was going to do that.

Chapter 13

That evening I was plagued with thoughts of him. It seemed like every waking moment was dedicated to hating him, loving him, but never once forgiving him for ruining my so called “perfect” world.

It was far from perfect of course, but in reality I was happy then and now was left crushed. It wasn’t fair.

The flashbacks I was having were so intense. I couldn’t bare them but my mind kept conning me into seeing them.

I was in the shower when the strongest flashback hit me. It was like, one minute I was shampooing my hair and the next I was back at the house with Justin.

His hands are on my body and I feel so dirty from his touch, but I still want it anyway. Justin’s ice blue eyes met mine and his hot mouth latched onto mine. His tongue swirled around mine

Lying on my side, with my back to him, Justin plunged into my pussy, making me gasp in surprise. His hands latched onto my breasts and tugged at my nipples roughly.

I cried out, loving the feel of him.

**

“Stop it Natalia… stop!” I said aloud, trying to snap myself out of my thoughts. It hurt to think about the past. That was the last time I was with him, the last time I slept with him.

I hated myself for it but at the same time didn’t. Maybe it was my last good bye? Maybe it wasn’t.

**

“I love you Natalia…” Justin looks at me and smiles so innocently. We are at the beach, on a surprise trip he planned for us. Such a hopeless romantic I married.

At the moment I know that he’s meant to be mine and only mine.

“I love you too Justin.” He puts his hands on my pregnant belly and just smiles dreamily.

“I never knew life would turn out this perfect for me. I have the most gorgeous woman in the world as my wife and the mother of my children. I have everything any man could ever ask for.”

**

Tears cascaded down my face. I remembered that night so well. Justin had surprised me and taken me to the beach for a romantic night of watching the stars and eating my favorite foods, which was like everything when I was pregnant.

I fell to my knees with the water coming down hard against my back. It hurt so much, just thinking about the love we had for each other. I used to complain so much, but I would kill to go back and feel the way he did about me.

I would give the world to have Justin chasing after me again.

**

“I’m a father… I can’t believe I’m a father.” Justin was beaming as he sat next to my hospital bed, holding our newborn daughter.

“I know… it feels like a dream. I can’t believe they’re finally here.” I looked down at my son who was sleeping soundly in my arms.

“What are we gonna name them? We never decided.”

“I like Nikolas…” I smiled. “And he looks like a Nikolas, doesn’t he?”

“He looks perfect and that name is perfect.” Justin beamed at me. “What about for our princess? I can’t just call her princess.”

“I bet you’ll spoil her like one.” I winked at him and laughed.

“I like Samantha… after my sister…”

“It’s beautiful.”

I leaned over and placed a kiss on my husband’s mouth. Nothing felt as perfect as that moment did, just my husband, my children and I. We were a family.

**

I couldn’t control myself, I grabbed a razor blade and ran it across the side of my wrists. I didn’t want to kill myself but I wanted to feel something else. I didn’t want to hurt like I did.

When I was younger, I had developed a habit. I was what people called a masochist, a cutter. I cut because it numbed the emotional pain and it helped me to forget and focus on the physical.

I hadn’t cut since I was 16 years old, I had a made a promise to myself and said I’d never do it again. Never say never.

“Natalia!!” I heard my mother call to me from the other side of the doorway. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my naked body. My wrists were bleeding and before I could get them to stop my Mom barged into the bathroom.

I had just shut the water when she saw me.

“Natalia… aye dios mio.” Isabel Fuentes grabbed me and sat me down on the side of the tub. “What are you doing hijita?”

I just looked down, staring at my bleeding wrists. My Mom was running around the bathroom, grabbing bandages and disinfectants.

I was broken, as much as I hated to admit it, Justin had broken me.

“Natalia… you have children… don’t let him destroy you…”

“He already did, Mami.”

“Stop! Natalia stop. You have two babies… they need you!!”

“I’m not gonna kill myself, Mom.” I closed my eyes tightly and looked down at my bandaged wrists. “I just feel so empty.”

“I know.” She sat next to me and put her arms around me. “When your father left, that’s how I felt. I was lost and I didn’t think I could go on.”

“How did you make it, Mommy?”

“I knew I had you and tu hermano to take care of. You needed me and I knew that I had to be strong. I loved your father… he was a maldito, I realize now but then I loved him and my world collapsed.”

“So you rebuilt your world.”

“Yes. I made everything better and I became stronger. You have to do the same.”

I hugged my Mom, unsure of what else to do. My heart was broken, but she was right. I needed to stop wallowing in self-pity and move on. I was stronger than that.

I didn’t need Justin anymore.

Chapter 14

“Nat… breathe.” I said to myself outside of Ricky’s door. So many memories were held in that building, they were almost too much to bear.

The twins were with my Mom who was crazy about them and loved getting to know her grandchildren, which made me happy. But it wasn’t happy enough.

I forced myself to knock and smiled as Ricky answered the door and threw his arms around me. I had to be strong, like my Mom was, so I held back my tears and just hugged my best friend.

“I’m so happy you’re here.” Ricky rubbed my back lightly and then ushered me into the apartment. “You hungry, thirsty… anything?”

“No… I’m okay… “ I forced a smile at my best friend who watched me sadly. I just sat down on the couch and brushed a strand of hair behind my ear.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you.” Ricky grabbed my hand and sighed. “I feel like a shitty friend… I mean I should have taken off from work and helped you!”

“Don’t blame yourself, Rick. This wasn’t your fault or mine… the most important thing is that I get strong…and divorce Justin and get sole custody of the twins.”

Ricky didn’t say anything but I knew he was shocked. Sole custody was something that the twins could hate me for in the future, but I knew it was for the best so I decided to explain myself.

“You’re probably thinking that I’m wrong and crazy… but Justin is a drug dealer and a mob lord. I do not want my children growing up in that kind of atmosphere and I don’t care if I have to go back to working at Joey’s to support my babies… I will and won’t ask him for a dime. I don’t want his fucking blood money or anything.”

I sighed and got up from the couch, beginning to pace. Ricky just watched me, studying my every move. It’s like he knew I was about to crack and he was watching, and waiting for the moment.

“I’ve thought a lot about this and I’ll take him to court and fight him. I don’t care how rich he is or how conniving he is… I’m telling the truth so I can win. This doesn’t have to be the case of the nice guy finishing last. I can have a normal life.”

Ricky bit his lip and removed his gaze from me down to the floor. He seemed to be thinking, so I just walked to his liqour cabinet and poured myself a shot of Jack Daniels.  A drink Justin was always drinking. Fucking alcoholic. I could probably get him for that too.

“You have no money to even hire a fucking lawyer, Natalia… you could barely take care of yourself working at Joey’s and you won’t be able to take care of yourself now even more with two children.”

“So you’re telling me to go back to him?!” I screamed. “I’M NOT GOING BACK TO A FUCKING CHEATING SON OF A BITCH!!!!!”

“Relax… Nat. Breathe.” Ricky got up and took the bottle of Jack Daniels away from me.  “Before you think about things I want you to be sure and I want you to explore all the angles. There is no going back babe.”

“I know and I’m okay with that.” I looked over and Ricky and smirked. “Also… I’m not gonna be completely without money.”

“Huh? I don’t like that smirk, Nat.”

“It just hit me… sure I don’t want blood money… but it’s not like Justin deserves it. I’m gonna rob the son of a bitch blind and pay him back from hurting me.”

The smile faded from Ricky’s face as I downed the shot I had poured myself. The gleam of darkness in my eye was probably freaking him out but I didn’t care.

“I can empty about one or two of his bank accounts… and then I’m going to the police…he’s not gonna see daylight ever again.” I threw my head back and laughed.

“Oh my God…Natalia…” Ricky wasn’t smiling and wasn’t at all happy with my idea.

“Oh come on… he’ll be in prison forever for RICO charges, and I’ll get to live on the money I stole and publish my books and life is good.”

“He’ll kill you.”

“Please… he won’t, and if he tries…” I laughed again. “Well I’ll deal with that when the time comes… but nothing will bring me more pleasure then the thought of Justin getting ass raped in prison.”

“You’ve changed, Natalia… you’re not the same person I knew. You’re cold hearted and bitter… and I don’t like to see you like this.”

“I guess going through pain and betrayal will make one that way.” I shrugged and grabbed my purse from the couch. “I’m guessing I’m not welcome here… because suddenly… I’m the fucking bad guy instead of Justin. Well that’s okay. You and your new fucking best friend have fun with the rest of the time you have together!”

“Hey Hey Hey!” Ricky grabbed my arms. “Calm down… I’m not kicking you out or taking Justin’s side but I think you need to calm down… now sit on the couch and talk to me.”

I was pulled to sit down and Ricky just sighed out loud.

“I just want you to be sure… because there is no going back and doing something out of anger isn’t always the best thing.”

“Fine… you could be right but just… I don’t know… I’m okay though… like I did a fucked up thing a few nights ago and I’m blaming him. But it’s not… I mean I’m the one that cut myself… not Justin.”

“Whoa whoa whoa… back up. You cut yourself?”

“I was having a really really bad moment… but yes. I cut myself.” I covered my face and exhaled deeply. “It was wrong and stupid… I know but it happened and yeah…”

“Why though? You could have called me or someone? Damnit, Natalia. I don’t want him to break you.”

“Listen I’m gonna survive and get through this… so don’t worry about me. But I feel like calling Savannah… she’s been in trouble and I haven’t been a good friend… so yeah.” I didn’t wanna sit and have the woe is me chat. I was sick of talking about my problems.

“Fine then. Use my phone… I’m gonna make us some lunch.”

I nodded at him and turned to the portable phone, which was in the charger and walked to it. I glimpsed at my old bedroom, which was now filled with clothes and boxes. It wasn’t that long ago that I lived there… yet everything had changed.

“Hey Savannah… how are you…?”

“I’m dealing.” She answered through the receiver coldly. “How could you do this to me, Natalia?”

“Do what? Leave…? Savannah I left for my own reasons…”

“No.” She interrupted me. “Telling Justin about the rape.”

I had completely forgotten about that. Oh God…I had started something that I couldn’t fix. Damnit!

“I thought he could help you…”

“Fuck that.” She hissed at me. “I trusted you and you went and told him. Thank God he didn’t tell JC… but I’m beyond humiliated. I didn’t want anyone to know!”

“Savannah… I’m really sorry…”

“Save it bitch.” Savannah hissed at me. “We’re through. From this point on I don’t want to know you or see you. You’ve betrayed me and you’re not someone I want to consider a friend. Fuck you and good bye.”

She hung up on me and I sat there, not knowing what to do. One of my best friends hated me. I just clicked the off button on the phone and placed it on the table.

Why? Why did these things happen to me?

I grabbed the phone again and dialed a number I’d avoided calling these past few days.

“Hello?”

“David… it’s Nat.”

“Where have you been?! Are you alright?!” He asked, sounding relieved to hear that it was me.

“I’m in New York… I’m with my Mom and with my best friend Ricky… I told you about him right?”

“Yes you did… but why are you there… are you alright?”

“I just kinda freaked… and needed to get away. But I’m alright and I think I’m gonna stay here. I’ll keep the kids away from Justin and get enough strength to file for divorce…and relax because my nerves are shot.”

At the time I was an idiot because the phone could have very well been tapped but I just mouthed off about everything. Maybe in the back of my mind I wanted to get caught by Justin? Who knows.

“I’m coming down then.”

“David… you don’t have to.”

“No I’m gonna fly down as soon as I can. Natalia, you are an amazing woman and you’ve changed my life. I’m not gonna let you go through this alone.”

“Thank you David.” I whispered. “It feels like no one knows me anymore. Like I don’t know me anymore.”

“I know…and you need someone to say the hell with everyone and make you feel like you did nothing wrong because you didn’t!”

“Exactly! Oh God, David… I just want to hear that he’s the bad guy and should go to hell and should pay for what he did.”

“He will pay. Don’t worry. Now relax. I’ll be in tomorrow morning. Calm down till then.”

Easier said then done. David hung up the phone and I walked into the kitchen to help Ricky. Anything to pass the time till tomorrow.

Chapter 15

“David… I’m so happy to see you.” I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.

It was a few days since the incident at Ricky’s house and for the most part I distanced myself from him and spent more time with my kids. David had given me some great advice and told me that I should find me and straighten out my priorities before talking to other people.

“Me too, Nat. God, I think for the first time in a week I feel relieved.”

“I guess that only makes one of us.”

David paid his cab driver and then looked at me strangely. David had met up with me outside my Mom’s house and from there we were gonna just head out and relax, take in the sights of the city and most likely he was gonna listen to me bitch.

“Hey…” He turned to me after paying the driver and cupped my face in his hands. “It’s gonna be okay… I promise.”

I half smiled at my friend, the friend who had been there for me day and night through this whole ordeal.

“Thank you, David… thank you for everything.”

“I don’t do thank you’s… I get weird… so come on… lets go I need a Starbucks fix.”

I took hold of David’s arm and walked with him down the street. The good thing about New York is that practically on every corner, there’s a Starbucks.

“Any word from Tony Montana himself?” David joked, making light of Justin as a mob Lord and comparing him to Tony Montana from Scarface. That used to be my favorite movie, now I can’t even bear to watch it. I could totally relate to Elvira. I rolled my eyes and sighed.

“No… Thank God. I mean I kinda figured he’d follow me or something but things have been quiet… almost too quiet. I’m just waiting for Justin to jump out at me or something. It’s uncharacteristic of him to not go after what he wants.”

“Maybe he just realized it was a fight that wasn’t worth fighting?”

“No way. Justin isn’t the type to give up easily. The more challenging the better. Everything is like a fucking game for him.” We walked into the coffee shop and headed over to the counter to order. “Now I’m stuck waiting for him to make his move, it’s only a matter of time before he finds me… if he hasn’t already.”

“Well take him down before he can get to you, Natalia.”

“And how would I go about taking him down? He’s a mobster that could have me killed. No one would take a second glance or care about a Hispanic girl who married a Mafia Drug lord.” I sighed exasperatedly.

“I would.” David said quietly.

I looked down and blushed as he said that. I had such a great guy right in front of me and I couldn’t be with him because I was too scared. But I mean I just left my husband, that would be wrong to run to another guy so quick right?

We ordered our drinks, mine a tall iced Java Chip Frappaccino and his a Grande Mocha Latte and headed off to David’s hotel.

**

“You did not dance on a car at your senior prom?!” David exclaimed as I told him some of my horror stories from high school.

“Yeah and if you tell anyone you die.” I laughed. “I was extremely drunk and someone waved Monopoly money at me so I did it.”

“You danced…”

“And stripped.”

“You danced and stripped on a car for Monopoly money?”

“Yeah… but I didn’t strip completely. Just the top of my dress.”

“I would have paid good money to see that.” David grinned at me. I rolled my eyes at him and smirked.

“Anyway, Ricky took pictures and has blackmail.”

“I am becoming that guys friend and I’m gonna see those pictures.” David beamed.

“I hope that never happens.” I replied and collapsed onto his bed. “I was the biggest dork in high school. I’m so glad that time is over.”

“I bet you weren’t.”

“You don’t even know the half of how big of a dork I was.” I laughed.

David sat next to me on the bed and just smiled. I suddenly started to feel awkward. I mean come on, me and him alone in a room with a huge bed. We all know what was coming up next.

I looked down and bit at my lip nervously. David was perfect, he was everything I wanted and if it were up to that alone I’d go for him and never look back. But I couldn’t, something was holding me from being with him.

“I should get going… the twins are alone with my Mom and I’m sure they miss me. I haven’t been a model mother lately anyway.”

“Okay…” He looked at me strangely while I twirled my hair nervously and went to get up.

“You want me to take you home?”

“No…”

“Natalia, I don’t want you out there alone. Justin could be on the streets waiting for you…”

“David! Just stop!” I interrupted him and he stared at me confused. “I can’t be around you anymore, David.”

“What? Why not?”

“David… I know you care for me and I really care for you and I just can’t be with you. I can’t put you in danger and every time the thought of us goes through my mind I feel guilty.”

“Hey… Nat…Stop.” David grabbed my hand and looked straight into my eyes. “I’m not going to hurt you and I’m certainly not going to be Justin and force you into anything, but Natalia, I want you in my life… I’m falling in love with you.”

All the color drained from my face. He was falling for me? My head was spinning and I thought I might faint. I didn’t want him to love me… not yet. I mean, I was still in love with Justin.

“You have to know what you’re getting into… I’m the soon to be ex wife of a Drug Lord… you don’t want to get involved with me like that.”

“I don’t care… I can take anything Justin wants to throw at me. But I know that I want to be with you.” He looked straight into my eyes and I melted. I leaned in and kissed him.

I trembled as I kissed him, what was I doing? Oh God… I was still married to Justin? I still loved Justin!!

I climbed onto his lap, kissing him in a frenzy. It was like I knew what I was doing was wrong but I couldn’t stop. Maybe sleeping with him would help me get over Justin, and although it was fucked up to use him, maybe it would be for the best.

But seriously, one line kept going through my head, “Seize the Moment, Cause Tomorrow You Might Be Dead.” A quote from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season one. Yeah, I’m a loser but seriously, anything can relate to Buffy.

David moved so he pushed me onto my back and stopped kissing me. He loomed over me and his dark chocolate eyes stared into mine.

“There’s no going back after this, Nat… do you wanna do this?”

I bit at my lip before answering him. It was the point of no return. Should I or shouldn’t I?

“Yeah, I do.” The words left my mouth and no sooner did David kiss me again.

I fell back onto the bed and David collapsed on top of me, ripping off my clothes as he went. All the while I kissed him back and pulled off his clothes, but my mind was still swirling with thoughts. I was still married, was this wrong?

Fuck fuck fuck!! That’s what I wanted to do, yeah, but haha, I also just wanted to scream it out cause I felt like I was screwed. Well I was about to be screwed in both senses of the word.

One second I was kissing David and the next, we were both naked on the bed and his mouth was sucking on my tit. I forced back the flashbacks of Justin and concentrated on the present moment. It was all I could do anyway.

Two fingers were inside of me and rubbed against my g-spot. I threw my head back against the pillow and moaned softly. He removed his mouth from my breast and moved down to my clit.

It didn’t take me long to cum. It probably wasn’t because David had skills but mostly because I hadn’t been with a guy in a few weeks. I was like putty in his hands.

Just as I came, David launched his dick into me. It was big, but it was nowhere near as big as Justin’s. GOD! Would I always compare Justin to every other man in my life?

It was like, I didn’t want to admit anyone was better than Justin. But David was, in every sense of the word. I just needed to wake up. I mean I was having sex with someone else and I was just so confused. I knew it was completely wrong for me to be doing this. Something clicked in my mind and I realized that Ricky was right all along. I wasn’t ready to move on, but at the same time, I didn’t want to stop.

His face was buried in my neck and biting at my sensitive spot. His thrusts were gentle but hard. It was like he was making love to me, but I wasn’t making love back. I just wanted to fuck. I didn’t love him, not yet.

With a few last thrusts we both came and laid together in his bed. I reeled from the thought of what just happened. I thought that Justin would be the only one to have my body ever again but I was wrong.

I guess I was wrong about everything.

Chapter 16

            Justin growled angrily at the pounding of his head. Everyday for the past few months he had been having mind-numbingly painful headaches.

            He blamed it on his liquor intake. He had drank way too much liquor since things went downhill with…

            Even thinking of her name would reduce him into an angry, bitter, weeping shell of a man. Didn’t she know she was what made him strong enough to fight another day? Obviously not. But it was his fault, even though he didn’t know how it happened.

            It was like one second he was paying the baby sitter and the next he was cumming inside her. He picked up a glass that was half filled with bacardi and a hint of coke and chucked it at the wall.

            He stood up with his head spinning, he’d have her back. He was Justin fucking Timberlake after all, Mob Lord of the greatest Drug Empire.

            “Justin?”

            “Yes, Tommy?” He answered in a voice that did not at all sound like his. It was dark and cold, he blamed it on the fact that she wasn’t around.

            “I heard about your plans for this evening… do you think it’s wise to start a war with the Castillo family? They’ve been a great ally to us in our war against the Lopez’.”

            Justin glared at him with bloodshot eyes.

            “Who the fuck do you think you are to question MY orders?” Justin shakily walked up to Tommy’s face. “I’M IN CONTROL AROUND HERE!! I MAKE THE FUCKING DECISIONS!”

            Tommy shook his head wearily. “No wonder Natalia left you.”

            Pulling a gun out of its holder, Justin grabbed Tommy by the throat and held the gun up to his cheek.

            “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY?!”

            “Mr. Timberlake calm down!” Ruben ran in from the hallway and pulled Justin back. Everyone knew that Justin was a ticking time bomb; it was only a matter of time before he’d explode.

            Ruben held Justin up and watched as he threatened to collapse.

            “I didn’t want her to leave me! I didn’t want to treat her so badly.” Bile rose up in his throat, but he forced it down. He was weary already and this outburst left him drained.

            A few seconds later, Justin passed out.

            “Call an ambulance!! Now!!” Tommy ordered. He didn’t know what was going on but he hoped he could save his friend.

**

            “Hi… Ricky? It’s Hope.”

            “Hey sweetie… how are you?”

            “I’m okay…” She sighed. “Things are just really hectic here… but I need you to take care of Natalia for me. I wish I could do it but there’s a lot of stuff going on with Savannah, and more recently, Justin is in the hospital.”

            “What?! What happened?!”

            “He was being drugged. We found traces of some drug in all his alcohol in his office.” Hope stated solemnly.

            “Is he going to be alright?”

            “We really don’t know.” She managed to choke back a sob. Hope and Justin had been close since she and Tommy first began dating. “I was just hoping you could maybe… get the message to Natalia.”

            “Of course I will.” Ricky exhaled deeply and rubbed his forehead. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t worry… we’re hoping for the best… but I don’t know…”

“I’ll try to get her to go down there… but you know how stubborn Natalia is.”

“Definitely.” Hope commented with slight annoyance in her voice. “I don’t mean to take Justin’s side, but I do think she’s taking this way too far.”

“I agree but there’s no reasoning with her. I tried to talk to her the other day and she freaked out at me.”

“Oh Ricky… he needs her so much right now.” The beautiful Hispanic girl said sadly. “But I should get going. Thanks for the help, Rick.”

“No problem. I hope everything gets better.”

Ricky hung up the phone and stared out the window. How he was going to break this news to Natalia, he had no idea. This was going to be tough.

**

“I’m here to see Andrew Fuentes. I’m his sister, Natalia.” I said to one of the prison guards.

I had been racking my nerves on the entire car ride to the prison. Would Andy forgive me for not believing him and helping him to get sent to this hell? I prayed he would.

David told me not to worry; he told me that blood was thicker than water. I took in a deep breath and followed the guard to a room with a table and a few chairs.  I sat down quietly and waited for my brother.

Everyone had tried to warn me about Justin. My Mother, my brother, even Dylan. What especially stuck out in my head was Dylan’s words to me so many years ago. “I'm just trying to warn you, he doesn't love you. He's just going to throw you to the side as soon as he gets bored of you."

Wasn’t that the truth?

Now… now I guessed I was in a relationship with David. I hadn’t told anyone, but it just felt right. There was no danger anymore; it was like we had a relationship like everyone else.

David urged me to take back control of my life, and he was right. The first step was making peace with my brother.

“Natalia… What are you doing here?” My brother walked into the room in handcuffs. I wanted to cry at the sight of him.

I had been so angry at him for so long and all he was trying to do was protect me. Sure, he went about it the wrong way, but Andy only wanted the best for me.

I couldn’t hold back my emotions; I ran to him and threw my arms around him.

“I’m so sorry Andrew.”

My brother hugged me the best he could while being handcuffed. Tears streamed down my face as I pulled away from our embrace and looked at him.

“Shh… its okay… sit down and talk to me. I missed you, Nat.”

I sat down and took a deep breath. I rubbed my red eyes and looked at my brother who was scruffy and suddenly muscular, a lot more than I remembered him to be.

“I missed you too, Andy. I’m sorry.” I said softly. “Justin and I are over…”

“What happened?” He asked, without even the slightest hint of emotion on his face.

“Well, everyone was right about him. He was no good. Justin cheated on me and didn’t treat me very well.” I bit my lip and looked down at the table.

“I’m sorry. I wish I could have gone about things differently. I wish I could have made you see the real him without using violence.”

“It’s over now, Andy and it all happened for a reason. You’re an Uncle you know, to two beautiful twins, a boy and a girl.” I opened my Dooney and Bourke pocketbook and pulled out my wallet, which was full of pictures of the twins. “Their names are Nikolas and Samantha.”

“God, Nat, they’re beautiful.” My brother smiled when looking at the pictures. “Take care of them, let them know they have an Uncle who loves them and doesn’t even know them.”

“I will.”

“Don’t let them grow up in a dangerous atmosphere. Do what you have to, to protect them.”

How right my brother was. His time spent in prison had changed him, it had made him almost a better person. People do change.

Chapter 17

“Ricky!! Oh my God! You’ll never guess what just happened!” I exclaimed, running into Ricky’s loft apartment. He was sitting, sketching in the living room while listening to “We Belong Together” by Mariah Carey.

It made me love him more to hear that.

“What?” He looked at me sadly; it was a way he hadn’t looked at me in years. It made me nervous.

“I made up with Andrew. I went to visit him today.”

Ricky looked at me shocked when I said that but didn’t reply. I just decided to continue, beaming. I jumped down onto the couch next to him and sighed happily.

“He’s like changed, Rick. He was so calm and was so excited when I told him I had babies. He told me to tell them that they had an Uncle who loved them a lot.”

“That was nice of him… but are you sure you’re ready to forgive him for what happened with Justin?”

My expression visibly darkened at the mention of his name. Ricky was even shocked at the look on my face.

“Andy was just trying to protect me. I should have listened to him.” I said firmly. “But anyway… you have any food? I’m starving?”

“Nat, chill one sec. I need to talk to you about something.”

“Okay… about what?”

“I got a call from Hope today.” Ricky stated in an eerie tone. It almost freaked me out. Come to think about it, he had been acting strange for the whole time I was there. What was going on?

“How is she?”

“She’s good but… something happened.”

I quickly braced myself for the bad news. I knew it had something to do with Justin. Was he demanding a divorce so he could marry Paris? Anger flared through my body; that would be just like him to do that. He never cared about me anyway.

“What happened?”

“Justin… there was an attempt made on his life… they aren’t sure if he’s going to pull through.”

I just blanked out for a moment. Justin was dying? I felt completely and utterly numb. There was absolutely no emotion, no saddness, no rejoice… nothing. I just felt indifference.

“Oh.” Was all I could say. Maybe it was the shock that stopped me from feeling anything? How could I be so emotionless and so cruel?

I knew I should feel something; he was after all, the father of my children. But it was like my anger had gotten the best of me.

“That’s all you have to say?”

“What am I supposed to say, Ricky?!”

“That’s your husband, Natalia.” Ricky stood up and shook his head at me. “You don’t even care do you? If he dies, your kids will be without a father.”

“Ricky!! Just stop it!” I covered my face in my hands and rocked back and forth. “There’s nothing I can do.”

“Go see him.” Ricky bent down in front of me and grabbed my hands away from my face. “He’s dying, Natalia, do you want that regret on your conscience if he dies?”

“No I don’t…” I whispered.

“You have to at least bring his kids to him.” Ricky begged me. “Please Natalia.”

“I can’t go there, Ricky… I can’t. I’m just starting to get my life back together…” I sighed. “But will you do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

“Bring the kids to him. I can’t do it. I know what will happen if I go there in my current condition and I need to get strong, Ricky.”

My homosexual best friend just nodded and me and took hold of my hand. I looked up into his eyes and exhaled deeply.

“Besides… I…I’m in a relationship now…I have to continue moving on.”

“What?! With who?”

“With David.”

“Natalia… don’t you think it’s too soon… I mean I don’t want to be negative but you haven’t even filed for divorce yet.”

“I know… but things just happened and David makes me happy.”

Ricky just sighed at me and shook his head. I knew what was going through his head and I didn’t want to hear it.

“I already know what you’re going to say is going to be said to try and protect me but I don’t want to hear it, Rick. I know what I have to do.”

“Alright, Nat.” He sighed and turned his eyes away from me.

I could tell Ricky was a little upset with me, mostly because he really believed that what I was doing was wrong. But it was my life to live and my mistakes to make.

**

“So he’s dying?” David said to me, shocked. We had been lying down together on his bed in his hotel room and I nodded.

The subject had come up out of nowhere. I guess the thought of Justin dying had finally sunk in and it was starting to pain me. I made sure not to tell David that I felt upset. I didn’t want him to know that I still hadn’t gotten over Justin.

“Yeah… I can’t believe it. Ricky told me someone had been drugging him and finally poisoning him.”

“Damn… I’m glad you and the twins got out of there when you did then.” David took my hand in his and squeezed it softly.

“I know.”

Justin Timberlake was dying? I didn’t believe it. It was probably a ploy to get me to go see him. It could have worked too, that is, if David weren’t around to keep me strong.

“I’m sending Ricky and the twins to go see him. I really can’t go… I know I should out of respect… but it’s better like this.”

“I think your right. You don’t need him playing any mind games with you or begging you for another chance.” He stated and I just agreed with him.

I just had to stay away and get my shit together.

**

Ricky walked down the hallway, holding the two sleeping twins in his arms. He couldn’t believe Natalia and how heartless she had acted. How could she not care about Justin? She had once gone on and on about how much she loved him and now she acted like he was no one to her.

He didn’t believe her front for a second. She was trying to hard to be strong but in the end it was going to be her downfall. Ricky could tell that as soon as she cracked, her spill of emotions was going to be painful.

But that was always like Natalia, she would either bitch about her problems or bottle them inside until they exploded. He was so worried about her.

“Hey JC, how’s Justin doing?” Ricky had walked over to JC, who was pacing nervously outside of Justin’s hospital room.

“Not so good, but at least he’s conscious. His internal organs were badly damaged.” JC sighed. “Where’s Natalia?”

“She isn’t here.” Ricky looked down, sadly.

“Oh.”

“She was really busy… and uh…”

“Dude… its okay. You don’t have to cover for her.” JC looked into Justin’s room sadly. Tommy and Hope were next to him Hope was holding his hand and talking to him, trying her best to let him know that she thought everything would be okay.

“I tried to get her to come. I really did. But she told me she couldn’t handle it right now. She hasn’t really been in a great mental state.”

“I understand… I mean at least she let you bring the twins to see him.”

“I would have made her if she didn’t agree. Besides, Natalia isn’t completely heartless.” Ricky sighed. He wished more than anything that Natalia would have came to visit Justin, it would have done her good.

It seemed like her mind was completely poisoned against him. All she remembered were the bad times. Natalia was so bitter and so full of anger that Ricky feared it might ruin her forever.

“I know that. She’s going through a lot is all.”

“Ricky! How are you?” Came Savannah’s voice from behind him. He turned to smile at her.

“I’d hug you but as you can see… my hands are kinda full.” Ricky laughed, motioning to the sleeping twins in his arms. “God, they’ve gotten heavy.”

Savannah smiled, but Ricky noticed that something wasn’t right. The sparkle that had once adorned her hazel eyes was no longer there. She just seemed empty.

It scared him to see her like that. The girl that was so full of life and couldn’t wait to show the world what she was made of seemed as if she’d disappeared forever.

“They’re adorable. But everyone knew that already.” Savannah leaned over and placed a kiss on each of their foreheads, waking them up instantly.

“Now that they’re up, I should bring them to see Justin. See you guys later.” Ricky said and walked into Justin’s room, with the twins who were unaware of their surroundings. “Hey J. How’s it going?”

“Ricky?” Justin sat up in his bed and looked away from Hope. “What are you doing here?” He slightly smiled.

“Hey Ricky!” Hope grinned and kissed him on the cheek, before grabbing Tommy and excusing herself. She didn’t want to be a nuisance and definitely thought Justin could use some alone time with his kids.

“Just coming to visit you.” Ricky pulled up a chair to Justin’s bed and smiled. “Plus, Sammie and Nick missed you.”

“And I missed them too.” Justin was beaming. Although he looked very pale, at the sight of his children, he brightened. “Guys come stay with Daddy.”

The two crawled onto their father’s hospital bed, where Justin gladly accepted them into a tight embrace.

“Missed you Daddy.” Samantha smiled brightly at her father. Justin caressed her cheek and smiled back.

“I know, princess. I promise I won’t let us be apart again.” Justin was so full of emotion. Everything just felt right, well almost right. He could die a happy man if she were here. “Where’s Natalia?”

That was the question Ricky had been dreading to answer, especially when the question was directed from Justin. He didn’t want to see Justin’s heart break right before him.

“Uh… Natalia hasn’t really been feeling very well so she’s back home.”

“She’s staying with you?”

“No!” Nikolas spoke up. “With Abuelita.”

“Her mother?” Justin asked incredulously. Natalia was staying with her mother who wanted nothing more but to see him dead and away from her daughter. What the hell?

“Yeah… Natalia made up with her mother so she’s been staying with her.” Ricky bit at his lip. He hadn’t wanted to give so much information away. It wasn’t his place. “Uh listen, I’ll leave you guys alone. I’ll be outside.”

Justin just nodded at Ricky, immediately knowing that there was something going on with Natalia. Ricky had been way too secretive and nervous when the subject of her came up.

Ricky hurried out of the room, leaving Justin alone with his children.

“So guys, Mommy’s okay?”

“Mmhmm!” Samantha nodded ‘yes’, her brown curls bouncing with her movement. “Uncle David even came to visit us!”

David? Justin didn’t trust him for a second. That bastard. He wanted Natalia and she may have let him into her life innocently, but he’d be damned if she’d be taken away from him.

Natalia was his angel after all, only meant for him. Not for David or anyone else.

“That’s good, Princess.”

Justin’s little girl rested her head against his chest and happily sucked on her thumb. He looked over at his son, who was almost a clone of himself.

“You miss your, Mommy, Nicky?”

He just nodded at his Father. Nikolas was very attached to his mother since the day he was born. Justin pulled him closer and smiled.

“I know baby, I miss her too.”

That was the moment when Justin knew that he had to get better. He had to fix things with Natalia; he had to get her back. There was so much left that he had to fix. He had to make sure his family was safe.

He knew they wouldn’t be. If he died, the Mob families would do whatever they could to wipe out any trace of him. Justin would not allow that to happen.

The state of depression he had been in since she cruelly threw her wedding and engagement at him disappeared.  Justin was going to win his wife back, no matter what it cost him.

Chapter 18- Lost and Found

I busied myself as much as I could when Ricky took the kids to Florida to see Justin. I was so nervous to hear what had gone on, but at the same time I couldn’t wait.

I had begun a novel, just for kicks. It was something to let me express myself freely. I was pretty excited about how it was coming along. But then again, I’m a little crazy and get too excited when it comes to things like that.

That’s when my cell phone began to ring to “The Calendar Hung Itself” by Bright Eyes. Ricky was crazy about that song, so while he was away I downloaded personalized rings for everyone. I told you I had too much time on my hands!

“What’s up Rico Suave?”

“Don’t call me that. Anyway, yeah… Justin was happy to see his kids…but yeah, Nat, he isn’t doing so good. All the drugs fucked up some of his organs…”

“But he’ll be okay right?”

“It could go either way, the medicine could help him heal, or he could need a new liver or …”

“Or what?” I was nervous. Was Justin really that sick?

“He could die.”

The line was silent, I didn’t know what to say to that and I guess Ricky didn’t either. I twisted the ends of my hair with my fingers, mentally trying to calm my nerves. He wasn’t going to die; they had to be playing mind games!

“But he isn’t dead yet.” I said softly. “How did he seem to you?”

“He actually seemed okay… but everyone said that before me and the kids showed up, he was like on his death bed, so maybe he’ll turn it around.”

“Good. I hope he does.”

“You really should have came, Nat. If not to see him but to try and mend things with your friends. They seem to think that you’ve forgotten about them.” Ricky told me, his voice was calm and soothing.

“That’s not true…”

“And you need to patch things up with Savannah. Whatever happened has hurt her badly… she needs you right now, Nat. You were never one to abandon your friends… what’s going on?” Ricky’s words hit me hard. “And us… it’s like you hate me… you aren’t you anymore and it scares me.”

By this point, I started to sob. It was true. I was trying to push everyone out of my life except for David. I wanted all traces of Justin gone. The worst thing of all was that being around the kids hurt me so much that I just left them with my Mother for a lot of the time.

That wasn’t me! I hated what I had become.

“I’m sorry.” My voice was shaking as I spoke. The hoarseness from the held back wail made it sound all the more pitiful. “I just wanted to get him completely out of my life… and I realize that I can’t.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all along. You have to embrace the love you and Justin had and that will be how you can let go.” I could almost see Ricky, shaking his head sadly at me. “You tend to act on your passion, you let your emotions rule you. You can’t do that, Natalia.”

I just sniffled lightly, letting everything sink in. Why was I such an imbecile? Why did I try to push everyone away?

For the simple reason that unconsciously, I was trying to make my life the way it was before. I was trying to go back to when I was 19 years old, before I knew Justin and before my life was turned upside down.

“You’re absolutely right, Ricky. I don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t mean to be a dick to you. I’m sorry…”

“It needed to be said.” I wiped the tears that cascaded down my face with my hand.

Ricky was right I had changed, and now it was time to change back to me again. I wasn’t going to loose myself.

**

Justin quietly sat in a wheel chair where Hope pushed him outside so he could get some air. Justin sighed softly, wishing that Natalia were here. He didn’t believe for one second that she was sick. Something in his gut told him that there was a hell of a lot more to the story and he was going to find out.

“So Hope… where do you think Natalia is?”

“I really don’t know.” Hope sighed. “You know how she gets. Natalia is very, very, very stubborn.”

“Believe me, I know. I’m married to her.” Justin shook his head. “For how much longer… I don’t know though.”

“Don’t talk like that Justin. You’re going to be fine and you are not getting a divorce. Call me Miss Cleo, but I know that you guys are going to be fine.” Hope placed a kiss on Justin’s cheek. “I have faith and so should you.”

“I’ll try… thank you, Esperanza.” Justin smiled at her. Hope was a beautiful person, inside and out. She understood him and Justin was thankful to have her as one of his best friends.

“Hey! Justin!” JC ran over towards Hope and Justin, almost exploding with energy. “We found out important news.”

“I’ll take that as my cue to leave then, feel better Justin.” Hope half smiled at Justin and JC, and then quickly walked away, leaving them to talk business alone.

“Okay… what’s up?”

“It seems that the Lopez’s were behind your assassination attempt. We found evidence in the house. We would have overlooked it but we were tipped off.” JC explained. “It seems that they had paid off your children’s babysitter, Paris.”

“Shit.” Justin rubbed the beard that had grown on his face.

“Whoever did this wanted to destroy every part of you, making you weak and vulnerable.”

“Have we found out who is the new leader of the Lopez family yet?”

“No… but it could be anyone, one of Larry Lopez’s sons… or even Natalia’s Uncle…”

“Fuck… If I have to take out her Uncle… I don’t know what I’m going to do…”

“I know man, but the pieces fit together. He wanted to ruin you; he wanted you and Natalia apart. It kind of makes sense that he’s leading the family or at least is very tied into this.” JC explained his theory to Justin. Justin just exhaled a deep sigh.

“What was the evidence you found?”

“In the attic… there was cameras wiring the whole house, and tons of spy equipment. We had been spied on… we found a guy sitting up there and it appears that he had been living up there.”

That was disturbing. Justin couldn’t believe that someone had snuck past all his security and was in his attic.

“We’re interrogating him right now… and as soon as I get anymore information… I’ll get back to you… but for now… you are in danger.” JC informed Justin, who got out of his wheel chair. His anger had grown and his determination level was through the roof.

He wasn’t about to let anyone kill him or win.

“Fuck this shit.” He gave a swift kick to the wheel chair. “I’m not going to go down without a fucking fight.”

“Careful there, Timberlake.” Tommy had walked up behind Justin and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself. You need to get better as well.”

“I will. But I need to fix this shit. I’m going to end this feud with the Lopez’ once and for all, and I’m going to get my life and my woman back.” Justin dusted off his black sweat pants and headed back towards the hospital. “Time to fucking check out. I need to go into hiding for a bit, and get everyone off my back.”

“Good idea.” JC agreed, as he and Tommy followed Justin along.

“No one but you two are going to know my whereabouts, and I want protection for Natalia and my kids back in New York. I want them watched at all times. When the time is right, I’m going to get them.”

**

“Hey guys.” Justin hugged his children tightly; they had spent the day at the park. Justin still wasn’t better, but he put all his energy towards spending a fun day with his kids.

He didn’t want to let them go, but he knew that this was it. Maybe it would be a few weeks or a few months or even a few years, but he was going to get better and make things right.

He hated the thought of leaving his kids. But there was no other alternative.

            “Daddy’s got to go away for a while.”

            “NO!” His tiny brunette daughter yelled. “You promised you no go away!”

            “I know baby, but Daddy is a little sick and Daddy needs to get better, but I promise, I’ll get better soon and come back.” He ran his hand down his daughter face, which was wet with tears.

            “Miss you, Daddy. Momma miss you too.” Nikolas stated sadly.

            She did miss him! He knew it. Justin knew that Natalia was only being stubborn. He knew he could get her back.

            “ I miss her too… but I have some presents for you guys.” Justin sat down before the twins and first took out a tiny Harry Winston necklace, with a pink and yellow diamond, tiara-shaped charm. “This is for you, Sammie. This is because you are my princess.”

            Justin clasped the necklace around his daughter’s neck and smiled. Of course, she had no idea of its value, but thought it was pretty. That’s all that mattered to him.

            “Pretty!!” Samantha beamed as she stared at her necklace. Justin placed a small kiss on her forehead and moved along to his son.

            “This is very special to Daddy, and I want you to take care of it.” Justin pulled out a small ID bracelet, from his pocket. “This was mine when I was little.”

            The ID bracelet, which had once been just plain white gold, had been changed. Justin added blue and white diamonds to it and inscribed pictures of his favorite cartoons.

            But the message Justin’s own mother had inscribed for him was still there, on the back of the bracelet. “Justin, I love you more than life itself. You truly are a gift from God.” Justin had added his own message for his son as well though. “Nikolas, your Daddy loves you, no matter what. You mean the world to me, always remember that.”

            Nikolas just stared at the bracelet, as Justin fastened it around his tiny wrist. He was amazed by the pictures of Sponge Bob Square pants, Spiderman, and other various characters.

            “Thank you, Daddy.”

            Of course the kids had no idea of the value of the gifts he gave them, so he also bought them every toy in Toys R Us. He wanted to do everything to make his children happy.

            “I love you, Samantha and Nikolas. “ Justin pulled his two children into a tight embrace. He held back a weeping sound, but let the tears fall down his face.

            This wasn’t fair, but it had to be done. Justin released the twins and wiped his eyes.

            “Now I need you guys to do me a favor… do you think you can do it?”

            “Uh huh!” Samantha said and Nikolas just nodded happily.

            “I need you to take this.” He handed Nikolas an envelope, knowing he was more responsible than his sister. “And when you go home, you need to give it to your Mommy, okay?”

            “Okay, Daddy.” Nikolas stated with a smile.

            “Alright, let’s get some ice cream and then get you guys back to Uncle Ricky’s.”

Chapter 19

            “Excuse me, Sir, are you Justin Timberlake?” A man in a uniform walked up to Justin as he was exiting his mansion for what would probably be one of the last times.

            He couldn’t wait to put it up for sale, he wanted no reminders of the past and he wanted no one to find him.

            “Who wants to know?” Justin cocked an eyebrow at the man standing before him. He was clad in a pair of baggy black shorts and a white Lacoste polo shirt.

            Justin turned around and glanced at his guards, who slowly came closer to the man confronting him. Since the attempt on his life was made, Justin made sure to take every precaution.

            “Well, I just need to deliver these to you.” The man pulled out a manila envelope and handed it to Justin. Wearily, Justin opened the envelope and came face to face with something he had been dreading, divorce papers.

            He was crushed for a moment, and his life seemed to go into slow motion. Natalia was not going to get a divorce, he didn’t care how much money he had to pay, but it wouldn’t happen.

            They were going to be together in the end. She was the one he was going to grow old with and have more children with. This piece of paper meant nothing.

            “I don’t want these.” Justin said, coldly.

            “My condolences, Mr. Timberlake.” The man began to walk away, but Justin went after him in a fury.

            “Take it back, I don’t want it.” Justin thrust the papers at the man who just shook his head.

            “I can’t take them, I’m sorry.”

            “Everyone has a price.” Justin said, gritting his teeth. This was not going to be his demise, he was not going to breakdown because Natalia was too stubborn to listen to reason or understand how much he loved her.

            Justin grabbed his wallet and pulled out a wad of hundred dollar bills.

            “Take them and when asked for conformation if you delivered them, I want you to say that Justin Timberlake does not live at this address any longer and you were not able to find me. Is that clear?”

            The man had no idea how much money was in his hand, but he knew that this was not something that he could pass up.

            “Yes, Mr. Timberlake. Thank you.”

            Angrily, Justin paced about his mansion grounds. He couldn’t wait to be out of that place.

            “I want you guys to double your pace!” Justin called to his workers who were loading his furniture into trucks. He was donating almost everything; he wanted a new, fresh start. “I want to be out of here in one hour!”

**

I waited anxiously in Ricky’s apartment, making small talk with Louis. I couldn’t wait for Ricky and the kids to get in. I couldn’t wait to hear about everything that had happened with Justin.

“I bet you can’t wait to see Ricky.”

“Yeah, I miss him.” Louis smiled at me.

“I’m sorry for taking him away from you.” I replied, sadly.

“Hey hey. Don’t worry about it. I understand what’s going on and I’m sure that everything isn’t easy for you.” Louis reached over and grabbed my hand and rubbed it softly.

“I know but maybe I should have gone to see him?”

“I know Ricky thought you should have gone, but I disagree. Justin put you through a lot and taking some space right now is the best solution. When you’re ready to face him you will.”

“At least someone understands!” I exclaimed. “I mean it feels like Ricky is forcing me to be with him and it feels like David just wants us apart.”

“David? Be careful with him, Nat.”

“Ricky said the same thing to me.”

“And he’s right on that one. Don’t rush into anything just yet. Don’t give your heart away when Justin still has claims on it.”

“There’s nothing I can do now… I mean I already committed myself… I slept with him…” I admitted with a deep sigh.

“Well, Nat, I can’t tell you what to do or how to feel. You have to figure that out yourself. But be careful, your decision isn’t going to be an easy one to make.”

“I know that… “

Just then, Ricky burst into the apartment with my two children. They looked happier then they had in the longest time. I hopped out of my seat and excitedly ran to my kids.

“Samantha! Nikolas!! Mommy missed you so much!!”

I hugged them tightly, inhaling their scents. I was relieved Justin didn’t take them away from me. That was one of my biggest fears, that he would use the twins as bait to get me back to Florida.

Maybe Justin didn’t care anymore. Maybe he realized that I was a lost cause and he had given up on me.

I didn’t know whether to be happy or cry at that thought.

“Mommy! We saw Daddy and Mickey Mouse!” My daughter exclaimed proudly. I giggled, remembering Ricky was going to take them to Disney.

I turned to look at him and smiled, he was busy hugging and kissing Louis so I turned back to the kids.

“Really?! Wow! What did Mickey say?”

“He said that he needed to find Minnie but he hugged me!” Nikolas said proudly.

“He hugged me too!!” Samantha exclaimed and I just laughed.

“Really?! I’m jealous!” I pouted, sticking my bottom lip out slightly.

“Momma, you’re silly!” They giggled and hugged me again.

“Hey… who wants ice cream?!” Louis exclaimed, probably wanting to leave Ricky and I alone so we could talk. I was grateful for that.

“ME!! ME!!!” The twins exclaimed in union and ran off to the kitchen with Louis.

Ricky walked over to me and embraced me tightly. We didn’t say a word to each other and it was fine. It was like we both just seriously needed a hug, no words could explain how we felt.

“How was it?” I asked finally.

“It was okay. A little shocking. I mean I never expected to see Justin like that… he was great with the kids though.”

“Is he going to be okay?”

“They really don’t know…” Ricky replied and pulled away from the hug. He sat down on the couch and looked up at me sadly. “He was released from the hospital but because he wanted to be. The poison really affected him, Nat.”

“Oh.”

“It’s all up to fate if he’ll survive.”

I wasn’t going to show Ricky or anyone else that the news of Justin’s possible death was upsetting me. So I held inside the sob that dared to erupt. The pain I felt was as if I had been dying instead of Justin.

“That’s too bad.”

“Do you not care, Natalia? Because I can shut up right now and not burden you with the details.”

“What am I supposed to say Ricky?! How am I supposed to react?! Because I haven’t the slightest idea! There’s a war going on inside me. My emotions are out of whack. I don’t know what to do!”

“Just admit how you feel. Admit that you want to forgive him and forgive him for your children’s sake.”

“It’s not that easy!” I wanted to scream, but I wouldn’t let myself. “I can’t just go back to him!”

“Visit him, Natalia! Let him know you care, because he needs you right now during one of the toughest times in his life!” Ricky probably wanted to beat the sense into me. He probably should have done so. “I’m not saying to get back together but don’t take everything away from him. He needs you around and his kids. From what everyone told me, when I brought the kids to him… he did a 180. He started to look and feel better.”

“I don’t know if I should go there, Ricky…”

“I think you should try something. But I’m not going to force you. Think about it and act.” Ricky shook his head at me and crossed his arms. “I know you better than most people, Natalia Solana. I know you are playing the victim right now and you need to stop. Stop being selfish and stubborn.”

“I’ll think about it, Ricky. “

Ricky just smiled at me, knowing that soon enough, I would be back in Florida.

Chapter 20

“What the hell do you mean, he isn’t living there anymore?” David boomed through the phone.

It had been his wish to rid Natalia of Justin. He hated that bastard, he wanted to ruin him… and he would.

One step at a time.

“Sir, I went by the Timberlake house and it was empty. I even watched it for a few days. There was no activity there.”

“How could that be?!”

“I don’t know, Mr. Boreanaz.”

“You better find that asshole. This divorce is going to go through, and if it doesn’t it will be on your head!” David angrily slammed his phone down.

If Justin thought he was going to win, he was so fucking wrong. Natalia was his now. David was going to make sure that Justin was going to be completely out of the picture.

Soon enough Natalia wouldn’t even think of Justin anymore. David would be the only thing on her mind.

**

“Maybe I shouldn’t go…” I said nervously. I was on the airplane phone, talking to Ricky. Soon, I would see Justin, who was probably on his deathbed.

It all felt like too much to bear. How did I let Ricky talk me into going back to Florida?!

“No, Natalia. You need to go and sort all this shit out. You can’t stay on the fence forever. You have to figure out if this is the end of you and Justin.”

“Rick… I’m so scared.”

“I know…” He sighed. In a strange way, his voice was comforting. It felt like Ricky was actually there and he was holding me.

It was nice to be comforted, especially when I had been acting crazy. I just wanted to be consoled. I wanted to wake up and find out that everything was all just a nightmare.

“I don’t think I’m going to know what to say when I see him…”

“How bout you start off with a hi?” Ricky said, he was so corny sometimes. I rolled my eyes as if he could see me and laughed.

“You know what I mean!!”

“Speak from the heart. Say what you feel and try to do so without screaming or getting into a fight. Just settle things once and for all.”

I looked over at my two children, who were sleeping next to me. I definitely didn’t want to put them through anymore of this craziness. Ricky had been right all along, I needed to be mature about this and either end it with Justin or try to fix things.

“Why didn’t I listen to you in the first place?” I asked with a giggle.

“Because you, Natalia, are a stubborn bitch.” He replied.

He had such a lovely way with words.

I ran my hand over Nikolas’ face, taking note in how much he looked like his father. I would never be able to escape looking at Justin everyday; he was truly there in my two twins.

Sure, I loved Justin still, but could I ever really forgive him for sleeping with Paris in our bed? It made me sick to my stomach. I felt like there would be no trust in our relationship after that.

I mean, regardless I didn’t bother to listen to his side of the story, but I couldn’t handle it. It sounded like a bunch of bullshit to me.

“I’m afraid…”

“I know you are, but Natalia, know that you are the strongest person I’ve ever met. You’ve endured so much shit and yet you’ve managed to get through it. You were kidnapped, you had a child aborted without your consent, you were lead to believe Justin died, your family conspired against you and then he cheated on you. I admire you for making it through everything.”

“I don’t know how much more heartbreak I can take.”

“Where there is heartbreak there is love. You know he loves you and always will. Justin royally fucked up, and you have every right to walk away from him. But can you actually picture your life without him?”

“No… I can’t.”

“Then your heart has already made its choice. You can go along with it or you can deny yourself of true love.” Ricky’s words made me tear up.

            Placing my hands over my face, I knew that Ricky was giving me the best advice I could ever ask for. But he couldn’t make up my mind for me. I had to do that myself.

            **

            Hope was running through the Ryan Mansion. She was getting ready to go see Savannah, who hadn’t been doing to well, when the doorbell rang.

            She groaned, mentally kicking herself for giving the butlers the day off, and sped down the stairs to the door.

            “One minute!”

            Adjusting her Gucci dress, Hope opened the door and was greeted by a woman and a child. The woman was dark haired and short, she stood at 5 foot 2 with brown eyes. She had an eerie resemblance to Hope.

            “Uh… Hi? Can I help you?”

            “Is Thomas Ryan avaliable?” The woman asked smugly.

            “No he isn’t. He is away on business… can I help you?”

            “I need you to give him a message for me…”

            “Of course.” Hope was staring at the woman, wondering what in hell she could have to say to her husband.

            “Tell him that Eva was here, he’ll remember the name… and tell him that his son, Anthony were here.”

            “SON?! EXCUSE ME?!”

            Hope was flipping out; she turned to stare at the little boy who appeared to be about 4 or 5 years old. She could see the resemblance between he and Tommy. Hope felt as if she might be sick.

            “There is no way he could have a child with you. Tommy is my husband.”

            “I’m sorry, but Tommy and I were seeing each other a few years back and I got pregnant. I wasn’t going to tell him about Anthony… but now I realize that was wrong.”

            Tommy had been with someone else… oh my God! He had never told her!!

            Hope was infuriated. She couldn’t believe that Tommy had made her feel like shit for dating Andrew when they broke up, but now she found out Tommy had possibly done the same thing. Could this affair have happened when she and Tommy were together?

            She felt as if her world was crumbling down.

            “Come in, Eva… I’ll call Tommy right now.” Hope had to keep her cool; she wasn’t going to freak out, at least not yet.

            Eva could just as well be someone looking to get money out of Tommy.

            Hope led them to one of the many living rooms and picked up the phone. She dialed Tommy’s number with her hands shaking.

            “Hello?” Tommy answered his cell phone on the third ring. Waiting so long for him to answer almost made her scream out loud.

            “Tommy baby, uhm… you have a guest.” Hope said as calmly as she could.

            “Really, who?”

            “Oh… just this woman… Eva and apparently your son, Anthony.”

            The line on the other end of the phone was dead. Tommy said nothing and Hope felt herself grow more certain that Tommy was with Eva, and Anthony could very well be his son.

            “I’ll be home in 5 minutes.” Tommy hung up the phone, leaving Esperanza standing in shock. It must have been true then, Tommy was a father to someone else’s child.

            **

            It was late in the afternoon when I arrived at the mansion Justin and I had once shared. I stepped out of my rental car, a BMW X 5, and helped my two twins out.

            Staring at the grounds was the only thing I could do to gather my strength and knock on the door. It felt like my heart might explode from all the emotions I was experiencing.

            I just needed to breathe.

            “Home, Momma!” Samantha looked up at me and smiled brightly.

            “Yes, baby girl, home.” I answered her, not wanting to explain the situation. I just let the conversation die, and headed over to the heavy oak doors in front of the huge house.

            I inhaled deeply and knocked on the door. This was it; this would be the moment of truth.

            I didn’t know what would happen, but I knew that this needed to happen. I knew that Justin and I needed to talk like adults, and I knew he needed his kids right now.

            “Excuse me… can I help you?” A blonde woman answered the door and knocked me out of my thoughts.

            Who the fuck was this woman in my house?! Had Justin already found a new bitch?

            “Is Justin available to speak?” I said coldly.

            “Justin? No one by that name lives here.”

            What the fuck was this bitch talking about?! I clenched my jaw and gave a dark glare to them woman before me.

            “This happens to be my home and Justin Timberlake happens to be my husband. So would you please go get him for me right now?”

            “Hun, no one by that name lives here! I own this house!!” The blonde exclaimed, frustrated.

            “Own this house?!”

            “I just bought it one week ago.”

            I felt a sense on nausea slip over me and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. How could he do that to me?! To our children?! How the fuck could he pick up and leave without a fucking trace?!

            At least when I left he knew the only place I would go to. How could he sell our home and not even try to contact me!

            I started to sob so hard that I was gasping for air. The woman at the door must have thought I was insane.

            “I-I’m…so sorry… to have tr-oubled…you.” I said through sobs.

            I don’t think the blonde knew what to say, she just stared at me and offered me some advice.

            “If he was going to pick up and leave you like that, then take my advice, he isn’t worth it. He’s a dog.”

            I just nodded and headed back toward the car, hysterically crying.

            “Momma, where is Daddy?!” Nikolas asked, fearfully.

            I couldn’t even answer him. I hurried and put my children in the car, who had started crying from seeing me that way. I placed my head on the steering wheel and tried my best to pull myself together.

            But I knew in my heart that Justin had walked away from me and this was the end of us.

Chapter 21

            It was a few awkward minutes before Tommy ran into his Mansion. Hope had been sitting quietly, talking to Eva as she explained her relationship with Tommy.

            By every second that past she felt herself grow more and more heartbroken.

            “Eva…it’s good to see you again.” Tommy walked into the room and Hope couldn’t even look up. She felt herself get sick.

            “Tommy, it’s been a long time. How are you?” Eva stood up and smiled at Tommy.

            Tommy knew better than to go near her, he just smiled back at her and sat next to his wife. He reached over to place his hand on Hope’s but she quickly moved her hand away, disgusted with him.

            “I’m fine.” He answered quickly. “Are you sure he’s mine?”

            “Positive… you were the only one I was with at the time.” Eva stated surely. “But if you want a DNA test, there will not be a problem.”

            “So when exactly was this taking place?” Hope finally spoke, and glanced back and forth at Tommy and Eva.

            “About five years ago.”

            Hope was enraged and she couldn’t stay calm anymore. Her Spanish heritage took control of her and she freaked out just like someone on the Spanish talk show Laura.

            “MARICON!! Hijo de puta!!!” She sent a few dozen smacks to his body, screaming every curse word in Spanish.

            “Hope… please calm down!!” Tommy was trying to shield himself with his arms but Hope went a little crazy.

            “FUCK YOU, TOMMY RYAN!!”

            Hope jumped to her feet and pulled a what she thought of as a “Natalia”. She picked up her car keys and ran out the door to her car.

            How could he have an affair and not tell her?! After all they had fucking been through together, he still had secrets.

            Hope was going to run. She had done it once before and she’d do it again, but this time it was for good.

            **

            I calmed myself down for the sake of my children and started to drive. I had no idea where I was going, but I drove.

            For some reason, I could relax myself when driving.

            Somehow, I ended up at JC and Savannah’s house. In a way, I wanted to mend things with Savannah. Ricky had definitely knocked the sense into me. I had forgotten about all my friends and that was fucked up.

            Getting out of the car, I left the windows open for the twins who were sleeping finally, I walked to the Mansion door and knocked.

            Tears were flooding my eyes once again and I feared that it would be too late to fix things with Savannah. I wiped my eyes dry and waited patiently for the door to open.

            “Natalia?” Savannah answered the door and stared at me in shock.

            “I’m sorry, Savannah!! I’m so sorry for being a bitch and not being here for you! I’m sorry for telling Justin everything about what happened!” I was a mess and it was evident in my actions and words.

            I was hysterical.

            “Natalia, calm down…” Savannah put her hand on my shoulder. “What are you doing here?”

            “I came…to fix things… with everyone…” I paused for a second to get air in. I was praying to god that I wouldn’t have an anxiety attack. “I was selfish and I was only paying attention to myself!”

            “Shhh… relax… where are the kids?”

            “In the car…” I sobbed, motioning towards the BMW, a few feet away.

            “We aren’t safe out here…we’ll bring the kids in and talk inside.”

            I just nodded and picked up a car seat, while Savannah picked up the other and we headed into the Mansion. Thankfully the kids stayed sleeping and we placed them in the living room.

            I followed her into the dinning room where she instructed her butler to make some tea. I sat down and rubbed my tearstained face.

            Why was it that Justin could only make me this way? I blamed him for making me crazy like this. He would probably be the death of me.

            “Now… talk…” Savannah smiled at me, and I could definitely see how affected she was by everything that happened. She looked tired and weak. I should have been there for her through this all.

            “I just wanted to apologize for everything. I’ve been a huge bitch lately… and I’m sorry…”

            “It’s forgotten… Justin told me you were just trying to help me… and I overreacted…”

            “No, you didn’t overreact. I had no right to tell Justin anything about… what happened. I just thought he could help you and I was scared…”

            “It was kind of better that he was told… we found out that whoever raped me was out to get all of us. Whoever raped me… was working to also poison Justin.”

            “Wow…”

            “Yeah… so actually… thank you Natalia, because you told Justin, I got help. I’m seeing a counselor.”

            I stayed quiet for a moment and then just launched myself over and hugged her. She hugged me back and there was just a silence between us. It was like all was forgiven with that simple gesture.

            The butler came and served us the tea. We pulled back from the hug and went about chatting and sipping at our tea.

            I said nothing but my mind was still on my heartbreak.

            “You know… when Ricky was here with the twins a few weeks ago… Justin was really expecting you to be there…”

            I visibly stiffened and the tears were noticeable in my blue eyes.

            “Ricky told him that you were dealing with a lot though. He understood but he was still hurt.”

            I stayed quiet and just nodded. I felt like I wanted to scream out loud, but I didn’t.

            God, I was really going fucking insane, wasn’t I?

            “He was also hurt when he heard you wanted to divorce him.”

            Anger filled my entire body in an instant. That son of a bitch. He was fucking hurt? I was fucking hurt!

            “And so was I when I went to see him and saw that he had sold our home and left without a trace.” I said coldly. “I came to try to fix things, to talk to him…to see if this was really it, and now I realize that it is.”

            “He sold your house?” She asked, it was almost like she didn’t want to believe what I was saying.

            “Yep… I knocked on the door and surprise surprise, a woman answered and told me that she had bought the house.”

            “I’m sorry…”

            “Hey… don’t feel bad for me. I’m fine… really…”

            Quite obviously, I wasn’t okay, but what the hell. If you say something enough, you could start to believe it.

            “Feel bad for the twins… because I can’t understand how he could just walk away from them.” I put my hand on my forehead and sighed. “My mother was right… he’s just a repeat of my father.”

            “I know that Justin is in hiding right now… I mean if you want… I can call him or JC and find out.”

            “If you do… please don’t let them know I’m here.”

            Savannah nodded and got up to go to the den and I followed after her. She sat on her crème colored couch and I sat adjacent from her on the matching chair. She put the phone on speaker and began to dial Justin.

            “Hello?”

            His voice threatened to reduce me to a sobbing, sniveling mess, but I kept my composure.

            “Hey J… how are you?”

            “Hey Savannah! I’m doing all right… the doctors said that I’m about 50 percent healed, thankfully. How are you?”

            “I’m okay… a little lonely though. But you’ll never guess who called me today.”

            “Who?”

            “Natalia.”

            Upon hearing my name, I looked up at Savannah, questioningly. She just held her hand out to me, as if saying, don’t worry.

            “Really? What did she have to say?”

            “She seemed a little upset, but she wanted to make peace with me. Apparently, she tried calling you at the house…”

            “Fuck.”

            “You sold the house, Justin? You didn’t even try to get in touch with her!”

            “I did try!! She wouldn’t answer my calls and I even sent something for her with Nikolas.”

            I wanted to scream out, BULL SHIT!!! But then I knew I’d have to deal with Justin and I couldn’t bear to.

            “She didn’t get it, I guess… or maybe she didn’t bother to read it… “

            “DAMNIT!” I could tell how frustrated he was. We were apart but I still knew him like the back of my hand.

            In a sick way, I wanted him to cry and beg for me. I wanted him to seduce me. I wanted him to win me back… but at the same time I didn’t fucking believe a word out of him his mouth.

            “I know what I have to do now…let me call you later, Annah.”

            “Alright, later J.” She hung up and looked at me. “Did you get anything?”

            “No.”

            “I don’t know… I mean the only thing I can say is to wait for whatever he is planning. You know there is like no escaping him.”

            “I just should go home and go back to my life. Besides making up with you, coming here was a mistake. It just made me hurt worse.”

            “Do you think you are gonna be okay?”

            “Yeah… I’ll go back to New York and just live my life…” I sighed and placed my hand on my forehead.

            “I’m not letting you go alone, especially in the condition you are in.”

            “I don’t know… I mean, are you sure?”

            “Positive. We’ll leave tomorrow morning.” Savannah hugged me and half smiled. “Now breathe… okay… go rest in one of the guest rooms and I’ll take care of the twins for now. You look like you need a break.”

            “Thank you…”

            “Stop with the thank you’s and go rest!”

            I gave Savannah a smile and headed upstairs to one of my favorite rooms. it was this ocean side motif, with whicker furniture and the works. The walls were painted in a way that it looked like water.

            I crawled into the bed and cried myself to sleep.

Chapter 22

            “I’m leaving tomorrow morning, Lance. I can’t see you…” Savannah had just finished tucking the twins into bed and decided to call Lance who she had become very close with.

            JC wasn’t around for her, so Lance gave her the attention she needed.

            “But I won’t be able to see you for who knows how long. I need to see you.” Lance’s voice came in deep and sexy through the phone.

            She had been sleeping with Lance as a way to forget what was going on in her life. JC didn’t know a thing and she wanted to keep it that way. Most of the time she felt like he didn’t care anyway.

            “I don’t know, Lance…” Savannah sighed into the phone.

            At times, Savannah felt like the rape had changed her and she was too different from JC now. She barely saw him anyway, so she had no reason to feel guilty.

            Out of sight out of mind.

            “I need you, Savannah…” Lance breathed through the phone. “I need to have you once before you leave…”

            “Natalia and the children are upstairs… I don’t know…”

            “We can be quiet…”

            She couldn’t say no to him. Savannah gave into temptation and sighed.

            “Fine… come over…but come over in 5 minutes or no go.” Savannah smirked and hung up the phone. She knew he’d be there in less than 5 minutes.

            And he was.

            Lance entered the house and captured Savannah into a deep kiss. There were no exchanges of hellos or anything, he wanted her, and he would have her. Lance picked Savannah up into his arms and walked into the laundry room.

            He pulled his pants and boxers down to his ankles and tugged off Savannah’s shorts. She kissed at his neck and face wildly, making it known that she wanted him as much as he wanted her. 

            After stripping her, he jumped on the dryer and pulled Savannah up. He guided her hips down and entered her. Savannah smirked and leaned over to turn the dryer on.

            It was as if nothing else mattered but them. Savannah forgot about everything and just concentrated on Lance.  Sex with Lance was another form of therapy for her.

            She rode him until she felt she might collapse from exhaustion. Lance came inside her and bit down on her shoulder.

            Nothing else was said, but the two exchanged a kiss and Lance left, leaving Savannah to wallow in her thoughts.

**

            My two children ran inside Ricky’s apartment and over to the huge pile of toys there father had given them on their last visit. Ricky immediately made his way over to me and hugged me, knowing exactly what happened in Florida.

            “I’m so sorry…”

            “It’s not your fault.” I hugged back and placed a small kiss on his cheek. I pulled away from the hug and then grabbed Savannah who stood in the hallway, quietly.

            “Hey Ricky…”

            “Savannah!! Hey baby doll!” Ricky hugged her and smiled. “I missed you!”

            I smiled at the two and made my way into the apartment. That was when Ricky looked at me and gave me a small white envelope with my name scribbled on it.

            “I found this with the kids’ toys.”

            Giving him a funny look, I opened the envelope and pulled out a letter. I knew from the envelope that it was Justin’s handwriting, so before reading, I decided to sit down.

            I was already weak enough from everything that had been going on.

            “Natalia,

            I hate that I can’t see you and the kids everyday, but I messed up badly. I never meant to hurt you, but please believe that I was drugged. We found that the house was wired with cameras and Paris was hired to set me up.

            I love you, Natalia, and I will not give up on our family. Right now I have to concentrate on getting well and finding out who is out to ruin me. I have to sell the house, which pains me, but there is too much danger there.

            I will be going into hiding and keeping a low profile, but I swear, I will come back. I will not rest until things are mended between us and we are reunited. You are my angel, always and forever.

            Please let the children know that their father loves them, and every day that he is away from them pains him more than they can imagine. They truly are a blessing and are a result of our love.

            Don’t hate me for what happened, Natalia and please try to give me a second chance. I know I’ve messed up a lot, but I never lied when I said that I love you.

                                                                                    With all my love,

                                                                                                Justin”

            I was sobbing from the opening sentence of the letter to the end. I wanted so much to believe him and to take him back, but a part of me had doubts.

            I also still had David, who I cared about.

            Feeling the envelope was still heavy; I opened it up and pulled out my wedding and engagement rings. I studied them carefully before opening my purse and sticking the rings and letter inside.

            I looked up and saw Ricky and Savannah watching me, I just gave a half smile and wiped my eyes.

            “From Justin.” I said simply.

            The two of them nodded at me and the subject was changed. I quite obviously didn’t want to talk about what was going on and thank God they didn’t push anything out of me.

            I definitely had no idea what to feel.

            **

            “Hey… I’m glad you could make it…” David smiled and pulled me into a tight embrace. “It feels like I haven’t seen you in weeks.”

            I gave a forced smile and brushed a strand of hair away from my face, before pulling away. I felt uncomfortable hugging him, in a way I didn’t want to hug him. I just wanted to be alone.

            “Yeah… things have been hectic…”

            David and I decided to spend the day with the kids at a small park. I gave a half smile as I turned to watch my children play in the sandbox.

            “I can tell… you seem preoccupied.”

            “How so?”

            “You’re avoiding looking at me for one.”

            “I am not.” I turned to look at him but did avoid looking into his eyes. I don’t know why but I just felt like I couldn’t.

            “And why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

            “I…” I didn’t even know how to answer that question, so I started to stutter and trip over my words.

            He just watched me curiously as I took my gaze away from him and fumbled through my purse, pretending to look for some unknown object. I didn’t want to look at him, I couldn’t look at him.

            Ricky had been right, I was jumping into things that I wasn’t ready for. I felt like such a cheap whore at that moment. It was almost as if I was using David to get over Justin… that was wrong of me.

            “I think that we jumped into something that I’m not ready for.”

            “What?”

            “David, I’m not even divorced yet! I’m not ready for this I’m sorry.”

            I felt like all I fucking did was cry. My tears came and I just couldn’t be there anymore.

            “I need to go… I have to go….” I stuttered through my words. “I’m leaving…”

            David ran his hand through his hair, and kicked at the air in front of him. He was angry and upset, I was sure, but I didn’t expect him to get as upset as he did.

            “Damnit Natalia!! I’m trying to hard to be here for you but you fucking push me away!! I want you so badly and I can’t do this!! It’s like our relationship is a fucking yo-yo. It hurts and if you walk away from me then I won’t go back.”

            “DAVID!! Why are you making this so hard!! I’m not ready!”

            “But don’t fucking push me away!! Give me a chance… don’t kick me out of your life! Goddamnit I fucking love you!”

            “I have to go…”

            “NATALIA!!”

            I ran over to my kids at this point, while people in the park were staring at us like we were crazy.

            “Take your time but call me please?” I didn’t look at David but I heard that he was crying and I felt my already broken heart crumble.

            “I will…”

            Picking up the twins, I headed back to my Mom’s place, where I was settled with even more confusion. Would I ever be able to resolve my issues? I wasn’t so sure anymore.

Chapter 23

            Isabel Fuentes-Kirkland watched her grandchildren play in her living room with pride. She was so happy that she had reconciled with her daughter, for if she didn’t she wouldn’t have been able to see these beautiful children who she had grown to love.

            Despite the fact that they had a bastard for a father, Isabel had accepted them and hated that she had been so stubborn for not accepting them as her grandchildren earlier. In these two children, her faith was restored and her dreams for Natalia and Andrew were transferred to them.

            When her pride and joy, Andrew was sent to jail, Isabel felt that her world was collapsing around her. She blamed Justin for the corruption of her two children. If Isabel could do anything in the world, she would make the real criminal, Justin Timberlake, go to jail.

            But she had no control in that matter, in fact Isabel had not spoken to her son until a few months prior to Natalia coming back to New York. The Hispanic mother had reconciled with her son and poured all the blame on Justin. Andrew was only trying to protect his sister and went about it the wrong way because of her stupid brother, Eduardo.

            If she had only known what was going on 4 years ago, she would change it all. She would have fought for her children.

            But at the same time, she didn’t regret the past because of her grandchildren. She would not trade them for anything, even a better fate for her children.

            Life was going to get better; Natalia was getting her act together and was going to be an author. Isabel had always known her daughter was talented, and Natalia was finally going to get the chance to show the world her talent.

            One day, Andrew would be out of jail too, and he would also change his life around. Isabel Fuentes would have her family back.

            Her husband would laugh at her when she’d share her visions, in a way it was almost as if he didn’t want it to be true, but it would be.

            “Natalia come here!”

            “Yes, Mami?” Natalia smiled at her Mother who sat in the living room, watching her two children paint.

            “Listen to this… Samantha, Nikolas… tell your Mami what you want to be when you grow up.”

            “I’m gonna be a doctor!!” Samantha said proudly.

            “And I’m gonna be a lawyer!” Nikolas beamed at his mother. Natalia just shook her head.

            “That’s great guys…” Turning her head to look at her mother. “It’s never too early to brainwash them and pressure them, is it?”

            “Oh stop it, Natalia. I’m just making them have something to strive for.”

            “Yeah, but let them decide what they want to do on their own. Don’t push them, Mami…”

            “I’m not pushing!”

            With a roll of her eyes, Natalia walked up the stairs to her bedroom. Isabel just sighed and stood up when the doorbell began ringing.

            She didn’t bother check to see who was at the door and opened it, but Isabel would curse herself for doing so later on. Isabel saw a man standing at the door holding a bouquet of white orchids and pink roses.

            The man looked familiar but she couldn’t place who it was at first.

            “Is Natalia here? I need to see her please.”

            That voice, Isabel had heard it before and she knew it.

            That was when Samantha and Nikolas came running to the door screaming. It wasn’t that they were screaming that turned Isabel’s blood cold, it was what they were screaming.

            “Daddy!! Daddy!”

            Before the twins could reach the door, Isabel slammed the door shut and locked it. Grabbing the two twins, she screamed for her husband.

            “William!! William!! I need you!! Help!”

            Within seconds, William had run to the door and saw that the doorbell was ringing and someone was pounding on the door. Seeing the fear on his wife’s face he just nodded at her and took control of the situation the best he could.

            **

            “NATALIA!!” My mother ran into my bedroom with the twins in her arms in a frenzy. I looked at her confused and worried; I had never seen my mother like this before.

            “Mami… what happened?”

            “Stay here Natalia!! Under no circumstances are you to go downstairs.”

            “What… why?”

            “DO AS YOU ARE TOLD!!”

            Grabbing my sobbing children from my hysterical mother, she slammed the door to my room shut and instructed me to lock it. I didn’t know what was going on but I didn’t like it.

            “Guys… what happened?”

            I sat the twins down on my bed and did my best to calm them, but I didn’t know how to unless I knew what was going on. I felt utterly helpless.

            I hated this feeling, I was just fucking clueless. I hated being out of the loop, especially when it was about something as serious as what was going on right now.

            My stomach was in knots and it just got worse when Nikolas spoke the word that made me want to pass out.

            “Daddy…”

            Justin was here. Oh God, I knew it. I started to panic as well, conflicted if I wanted to see him or not. I got up and walked to the window and spotted his favorite car, a Maserati Spyder.

            I started to hyperventilate, which was the worst thing to do in front of my children. I couldn’t be strong when it came to Justin, no matter how hard I tried.

            That was when the door to my bedroom opened and there stood Justin. I didn’t know how to act, then again how is one supposed to react?

            “Please… leave them alone… I beg of you… please!” My Mother ran in behind him, crying.

            Justin said nothing in response but comforted his crying children, while I stood in shock.

            “I told you I would come back… I promised you didn’t I?” Justin smiled and kissed our children. “Your Daddy loves you more than anything.”

            I just watched as he soothed their tears until there were no more left, that was when he looked at me.

            “I need to talk to you… please.”

            “I don’t know.”

            “Natalia, you owe me that much to talk to me.”

            I looked to my mother and my children. Justin had brought me so much joy and so much pain, but I did owe him that much. He was the father of my children and it wasn’t like I was going to get back with him. I needed to be alone.

            “Fine… but it has to be quick… I have work to do.” My statement wasn’t a lie, I had gotten this amazing job writing for Glamour Magazine. It wasn’t exactly publishing novels as I wanted to do, but it was fun and it gave me money, which I’d save to buy a new home for the twins and I.

            Now I needed to settle this with Justin and that wasn’t going to be easy.

**

            There was an awkwardness between us for the obvious reasons. I used to be so comfortable with Justin and now it was different. It was like we were now two different people.

            “How have you been?” He asked finally as we walked down the street. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and he had yet to look me in the eye.

            “As good as one can be.” I replied, staring down at the cement.

            I knew my mother was going to be angry that I was speaking to him, but Justin was the father of my children. How could I just ignore him?

            “Same here, life has been… crazy… and I’ve missed you so much.”

            “I know.” I sighed and pushed a strand of blonde-brown hair away from my face.

            I changed my hair color so much that it was probably going to fall out. I didn’t care though and in a weird way, I think the changed of my hair symbolized the changes of my life.

            It was like, I could control my hair color but I couldn’t control my life. It just made sense.

            “I want to fix things with us, Nat. I love you, you know that.”

            “I know you want to fix things.” I turned my gaze from the ground to right in front of me. “But I don’t. I need my space… I need to be alone.”

            “Take your time and all the space you need but you are not getting a divorce out of me.”

            “Who said anything about divorce?”

            “Well you did, when you filed for divorce and sent me the fucking divorce papers.” He was angry, and I could tell by the way his voice got deeper and the way his fists clenched. I wrapped my arms around myself, nervously.

            “Stop being paranoid, I didn’t send you shit!”

            Now he was making me frustrated. Justin was quiet, as if he was contemplating his words.

            “Natalia, I was sent divorce papers.”

            “I swear on my children that I didn’t file for divorce! I considered it, but I didn’t.”

            “I’m being fucking set up. Damnit!” Justin put his hand on his forehead and I stopped my steps and just looked at him.

            “Normal people don’t get set up, Justin!” I hissed at him. “But normal people aren’t in the fucking Mafia, are they?”

            “I’m sorry! I’m trying, I’m really fucking trying! It’s not easy!”

            “I know it isn’t. I tried to be patient for so long, but I can’t anymore.” I started to cry and I couldn’t hold it back. “This is why I need my space, I feel like I’m having a break down! I need to be selfish!”

            “Please don’t cry.” He pulled me into his arms as I shook from the heavy sobs that racked my body.

            “I won’t keep the twins from you, but you need to respect my wishes.”

            I hated that I was crying like this, but I couldn’t help it. Being in his arms was soothing me but it wasn’t enough to make me go back to that life of fear.

            “Thank you, Nat, it means a lot to me that you won’t take the kids away from me.” Justin sighed and kissed the top of my head. “I will respect your wishes but I need to know that you believe me that I was set up with the Paris thing and just fucking everything.”

            One look into his eyes and I knew I’d be lost, thank God he was taller than me so I didn’t get to stare into his ocean blue eyes.

            “I don’t know what to believe but that isn’t the main concern right now.”

            “I love you Natalia… please… just tell me you love me too.”

            “Stop it, Justin.”

            “Natalia, please…”

            “You know I do…” I sighed and wiped my tear stained cheeks.

            Justin said nothing else but leaned in and kissed me. Before it could get too heated and before I could lose control, I pulled away.

            “I need to go…” I turned away and headed back to my mother’s house.

            I knew I wasn’t going to hear the end of it when I got back to the house. I wasn’t looking forward to it.

Chapter 24

            “I don’t want that gangster near my home again!” My mother screamed at me. I had walked into the house knowing I was going to receive a scolding for talking to Justin, and that was exactly what I got.

            “Don’t act like I invited him here! I didn’t!”

            “I don’t care! He is dangerous, Natalia! I don’t want him near you or los ninos either!”

            “I can’t keep him from his own fucking children!” I screeched at her. That was a big mistake.

            “Don’t you dare raise your voice at me, Natalia Solana!”

            “I’m sorry.” I sighed. “But you have to realize that I can’t keep him from the babies. He could try and take them from me if I do.”

            “Natalia, mijita, I just don’t want to see you back with that trash. He is not good enough for you.”

            “I know I know.” I had the biggest headache from this conversation. I just really wanted to punch someone or something.

            It wasn’t my fault that Justin was here. It wasn’t like I called him and asked him to find me. God damnit, I even turned him down to reconcile with him. Was everything I did wrong?

            Why was the blame always on me?

            “I’m sorry, Natalia… I am just afraid to lose you and the twins.”

            “I know… and I’m sorry too.” I hugged my Mom tightly, holding back my pain as usual. I couldn’t keep bottling it up and letting it explode at the worst times. “How is William?”

            “He’s fine. He was just surprised at how strong Justin is. He broke the lock on the door with just one kick to it.”

            “Jesus.” I said, but I knew quite well that Justin was capable of doing a lot more damage.

            I didn’t know what else to say, so I just went to check on the twins. I had no clue what I was going to say to soothe them, but anything was worth a shot.

**

            The next day I decided to go visit Savannah. I was so confused about life and Ricky was away for the weekend. I was so thankful that I at least had Savannah to turn to in this stressful time.

            She was staying at Ricky’s so I made my way to his apartment. I thankfully had my own set of keys so I let myself in.

            “Annah?”

            That lazy bum was probably sleeping still. I rolled my eyes and laughed. That girl loved to sleep. Some things would never change. I headed to her bedroom and pushed the door open.

            “Savannah! Wake your ass- Oh My God! I’m so sorry!” I slammed the door shut, feeling nothing but pure shock at what I had just seen.

            Savannah and Lance were sleeping together. What the fuck happened to her being engaged to JC? God damnit, life was a hell of a lot different.

            Savannah came out of the bedroom alone, draped in a long bathrobe.

            “I…” Savannah was trembling as she spoke. I just embraced her tightly.

            “What I just saw I will take to the grave.”

            “I just… JC wasn’t giving me the attention I needed…”

            “Sweetie, don’t explain anything to me because I’m sleeping with David.” I blurted out. It felt good to tell her, just so she’d know I was on the same boat as her. “I know your motives, I know you feel hurt… a woman will only cheat if she’s unhappy.”

            Sure I wasn’t cheating on Justin per say, but we both had a similar situation going on.

            “David…he was a nice guy… Justin hates him.”

            “I know he does. That’s something else that pushed me towards him.” I admitted that statement for the first time and it shocked me. But it was all true.

            “Do you love him?”

            “Love …? Love as a person yes… in love no.” I sighed and the two of us walked into the kitchen.

            “I don’t love Lance… but it’s just… I miss JC and he won’t commit and he isn’t there for me. He purposely distanced himself from me.” She was on the verge of crying and I quickly went about making some coffee to try and calm her down. I hated to see her like this. “All because he doesn’t want to marry me.”

            “Savannah, I’m sure that’s not it.”

            “But it is!! He buries himself in his work so he doesn’t have to see me. Since I’ve been in New York he’s called me once!! He doesn’t care and I shouldn’t care either!! I should just end it!”

            “You don’t mean that Savannah… you love him.” I tried to fix things, but I didn’t realize it wasn’t my place. Savannah and JC needed to fix things themselves. I couldn’t save their relationship.

            “But I hate how he treats me.”

            “Vocalize how you feel…”

            “I’ve tried!! But it’s like his damn fear of commitment is more important than his supposed “love” for me.” She was bitter and angry. Her words came out like poison and I wanted more than anything to prove that JC did love her still.

            Again, it wasn’t my place, but I wanted to try.

            “It seems to me that there’s a lot more behind this story… and we need to find out.” I held my hand out for my friend, which she gladly accepted. “I will do everything in my power to find out.”

            “What do you mean?”

            “We have to go to JC’s best friends. The people that knew him before either of us did. I mean… do you know much about JC’s past love life?”

            “Honestly… no… he said he’s had some relationships and they ended badly. That’s about it.”

            “It sounds like our Josh was burned… Justin’s back…so I guess I’ll try and get information out of him. In the meantime, we need to get in touch with Hope and possibly Tommy. This mystery has to end.”

            She nodded her head in agreement but I could tell her heart wasn’t in it. I hoped I could save my two friend’s hearts.

**

            “What the…” I screamed out. I had just gotten the biggest shock of my life when I opened the door to Ricky’s apartment. Savannah was busy changing her sheets since Lance had left. She couldn’t very well sleep on dirty sheets!

            When Justin and I were together we had to practically change our sheets everyday. Wait! Stop Natalia! No thoughts of the bastard!

            The only thing I should be focusing on was that Hope was in the doorway, sobbing.

            “Natalia, I went to your house. Your Mami said you were here.”

            “Yeah… come in. What happened,. sweetie? Is everything okay?”

            “No.” She said hoarsely.

            I helped her into the apartment and sat her down on the couch. I called for Savannah who emerged from her bedroom and then practically tackled Hope.

            “OH MY GOD! I missed you so much! I’m sorry for not calling, but so much has happened! I have to fill you in on EVERYTHING.” Savannah managed to say it all in one big breath. I just smiled at my two friends.

            “We’ll all catch up in a sec. I just want to know why Hope is so upset. Don’t try to lie your way out of it either. I know you too well and I know that you are falling apart.” I said a matter of factly and sat down next to her.

            I knew Ricky, Hope, Savannah and Justin better than I knew myself. I could read their thoughts and emotions. I was tuned into them.

            If only I could know Justin enough to realize he was cheating on me.

            “Tommy… he… he cheated on me 5 years ago!” She sobbed, letting the tears out that she had been trying to hold in since Savannah stepped in the room.

            “Oh sweetie.” Savannah and I just hugged her tightly. We didn’t know what to say so we listened.

            “How could he do this to me?!”

            “Hope, it was 5 years ago. He was in a different place in his life. Don’t hold it against him.” I tried to calm her but she erupted in a fury.

            “Hold it against him?! HOW CAN I NOT?! He has a child with another woman! We were supposed to be fucking honest with each other!” She screamed. God, Hope was acting just as I was not too long ago.

            I was terrified for her. I didn’t want one of my best friends to go through the hell that I went through and still was going through. No one deserves that pain of losing your one true love.

            We didn’t know what to say to that. Savannah and I were left just as clueless as Esperanza was. We just let her vent her frustrations. Hope cursed and screamed and cried.

            I wished I could see Tommy at that moment. I would have punched his hit man face in.

            I wanted to take her pain into me. I could do it, I survived it once and I would do it again just so my best friend wouldn’t have to do it. She didn’t deserve it!

            I didn’t want Hope to become as unreachable as I had become. I knew at that moment it was up to me, Ricky and Savannah to heal our friend. I just hoped we could heal her as quickly as possible.

Chapter 25

            “I’m so damn tired of lounging around crying about that bastard!” Hope said. The two of us, plus the twins were sitting on Ricky’s couch watching The Nightmare Before Christmas.

            It was already October and we had to start getting into the Halloween Spirit. The twins were enthralled by the movie and I was happy to see that. Growing up, I had loved that movie so much. Tim Burton was really a genius.

            “Yeah but what else is there to do?” I looked at Esperanza as a smile started to form on her lips.

            “Tommy obvious isn’t thinking about me and Justin is a psychotic bastard. We need to stop thinking about them and go out and have some fun!”

            “Fun?”

            “We should go clubbing!”

            I had not been to a club in God knows how long. I just shook my head in disdain and laughed at my crazy friend.

            “Yeah okay!”

            “Oh come on! It’ll be like old times! We’ll have fun.” Hope had been so upset since she had gotten here. I just wanted to take her mind off everything, even if it was only for one night.

            “Well… okay. Why the hell not?!” I grinned and ran my hand through my sons brown curls. He didn’t even bother to look up at me. It just made me giggle, he acted just like me. When I was really into something, the world could be coming to an end and I wouldn’t be phased.

            “Did I hear someone mention clubbing?” Ricky walked into the room as if on cue, with a huge smile plastered on his face.

            “Why yes, we did.” Hope and Ricky exchanged a knowing smile and I lifted my eyebrow in curiosity.

            “What the hell do you guys have planned?” I looked at the two of them and folded my arms across my chest.

            “Why nothing, Natalia, darling.” Ricky said with faux innocence. That just caused me to suspect more. “I was just thinking that maybe my friends could escort you guys.”

            “Your weird ass friends? NO THANK YOU!”

            “Oh come on Natalia! Napoleon sounds so awesome!” Hope pleaded.

            “His name is Napoleon?” I stifled a giggle. “Hell no!”

            “Oh come on. His brother Kip could come too. They’re really cool guys and have a lot of sweet skills.” Ricky stated, I just busted out laughing.

            “Sweet skills? What the hell is wrong with these guys that you’d want to hook us up with them?”

            “Nothing! They’re just nice guys… and uh… I kind of…” He coughed, trying to hide the next words, but I heard them regardless. “… lost a bet.”

            “Why do I have to go if you lost the damn bet?! I whined. “Why can’t it be Hope and Savannah?!”

            “Because Savannah is busy and Napoleon wants to go out with you.”

            “Please, Nat! I really want to meet Kip! He sounds so cool!” Hope was begging me now. Damn fucking black mail. I sighed in defeat and just nodded my head at my two friends.

            “YEEEESSSS!!” Ricky said loudly and did a weird hand motion with his hand. “I’ll go call them now. How does tonight at 8 sound?”

            “Perfect!” Hope answered for the both of us. I just slumped down on the couch, close to Nikolas and Samantha.

            “You owe me big!”

            If I only knew how big they were going to owe me.

**

            I got dressed in an outfit Ricky picked out for me. It was a short, ripped up jean skirt and a white tank top with this tribalish-graffiti written on it. To top it off there was a cut off jean jacket. I looked hot.

            The twins were going to stay with my Mom, who was excited at the thought of me dating. I was a little surprised at first but she reasoned that she would approve of anyone for me over Justin.

            I couldn’t help but wonder what she would think about David. He was such a great guy and loved the twins. He also traveled all the way from Florida to be with me in my time of need, and fuck, he loved me.

            I didn’t know if I should just give into him already. I mean Justin was a lost cause, as much as I hated to admit it. I couldn’t go back to him either, my Mother would kill me and I didn’t want to jeopardize our relationship. I needed my Mami!

            “Hey Nat!” Ricky called to me from outside of my old bedroom where I was getting ready. I heard a giggle to his voice and knew instantly that I was in for hell. “Your date is here!”

            I sighed and ran my hand through my straight hair and walked out of my room. That was where Ricky plus two men stood. One was very tall with big curly blonde hair, glasses and a brown suit.

            What the fuck?

            “Hi, I’m Napoleon.” He had this deep, monotone voice and proceeded to thrust a pink carnation in my face. “For you.”

            “I’m Natalia…” I gave Ricky the dirtiest look and took the flower from his hand. “Thank you for the flower… it’s beautiful.”

            “No…Thank you… “

            “I’m just going to go put it in water…” I walked to the kitchen where Napoleon followed me, breathing heavily.

            Oh Ricky was going down.

            I filled up a small vase with water and put the flowers in. Napoleon just watched me and didn’t say a word. I set the vase down on the table and looked at him.

            “Uh can I get you anything to drink?”

            “No thanks.”

            I just shrugged and grabbed a glass for myself and poured myself some skim milk. Napoleon watched me as I sipped at the milk. I shifted uncomfortably at his gaze and looked down.

            WEIRDO.

            “I see you’re drinking skim milk… is that because you think you’re fat? Because you’re not… you could be drinking whole if you wanted.” Napoleon said and I just looked at him oddly.

            “Oh… uh well… thanks.”

            “Hey guys… it’s time to go!” Kip said excitedly. He walked arm and arm with Hope, who was a few inches taller than him.

            Kip was short and looked about 30. He had brown hair, a mustache, braces and glasses, his whole look screamed “geek”. He was even trying to be a gangster. What a joke!

            The oddest thing was that Hope seemed to like him!!

            “Okay well… let’s get out of here then!”

**

            The four of us arrived at the club and I felt retarded. Napoleon clung to my arm and I glanced around the club, hoping no one I knew was there, but of course there was.

Justin, Tommy, JC and Lance sipping beers near the dance floor. I just about died when Justin looked right at me, with his eyes popping out of his head. I just plastered on a big smile and clung tighter to Napoleon.

 Hope and Kip immediately ran to the dance floor while Napoleon and I just sat at the bar in silence. This really had to be the weirdest blind date I had ever been on.

            Napoleon bought me a drink and I sipped it thankfully while Napoleon told me about his favorite animal.

            “My favorite animal is probably a liger. It’s one of the coolest animals, it’s a cross between a lion and a tiger and bred for its skills in magic.”

            “Oh… that’s cool.” I downed the entire drink in one shot. I was going to need a lot more of those to get through the night.

            “So uh do you wanna go and dance by Kip and Hope for a little bit?” Napoleon said in his monotone voice.

            I just shrugged and pictured all the ways I was going to make Ricky pay for this torture. Napoleon and I walked next to Kip and Hope, when “Canned Heat” by Jamiroquai came on.

            “This is my jam!” Napoleon cried out.

            The entire club fell silent and Napoleon busted out these crazy-ass dance moves. I had to say that even I was impressed.

            A circle formed around the four of us and I decided to dance with Napoleon. I copied his dance moves and Hope started to do the same. We were both giggling and having the greatest time.

            Who the hell would have thought it!

            “Damn Napoleon! You have some sweet dancing skills!” Kip smiled, while Hope and I nodded in agreement.

            I don’t know what got into me, but it was probably the fact that Justin was watching. I threw my arms around Napoleon and planted a huge kiss on him.

            “Sweet!” Napoleon called out and smiled at me.

            That was when someone grabbed my arm. I turned to see Justin pulling me out of the club. Oh fuck!

Chapter 26

            Justin was pulling me outside and all I could do was let myself get pulled. He was jealous. Well fucking good. He could never know the pain I felt when I walked in on him and Paris.

            “Who the fuck is that?”

            “That is my date, Napoleon!” I yelled at him as we stood outside in front of his black Mercedes G500.

            “Date?! What the fuck, I thought you wanted to be fucking alone.” He said with his pain evident on his face. I just crossed my arms over my chest and rolled my eyes.

            “Well I saw something in Napoleon that I didn’t see in anyone else!” I was talking out of my ass but oh well. I liked getting Justin upset.

            “He’s a fucking loser!! You would never give someone like that the time of day!!”

            “Just shut up, Justin!! Just because you’re jealous doesn’t mean you have to rip into someone you don’t even know.”

            “I’m not jealous!!”

            “YEAH OKAY!” I said and just started to laugh. Justin just shook his head, angrily.

            I loved that he was jealous, in a sick way it was a turn on for me.

            “I’m not fucking jealous. I could have you right now if I wanted to.”

            “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I need to get back to my date.” I turned to walk back inside but I was met by Justin’s hand holding my wrist.

            “You aren’t going anywhere.”

            “Get off me Justin.”

            “No.” He said firmly.

            I just stopped and gave him the nastiest look I could muster up. He really knew how to push my buttons. Justin and I just knew how to drive each other to that point where we want to just strangle each other. But there are other times where we can just draw so much love from each other. We had a weird relationship.

            “So you like that freak, Natalia?”

            “Very much!” I lied. “I think its love at first sight.”

            Justin stared at me with such hurt in his eyes; I couldn’t go along with it anymore. I fucking missed him so much and I was pushing him away again. I took a deep breath and looked down at the floor.

            “You love him?”

            “No, I was just trying to piss you off.” I admitted weakly. Justin shook his head and stared at me.

            “Why?”

            “Because… I don’t even know.”

            “Do you get off on hurting me or something?”

            “I should be asking you the same question.” I narrowed my eyes at him. That fucking bastard was trying to make himself out to be the victim and I was not going to allow that.

            “I don’t like hurting you…”

            “But you’re so good at it.” I said bitterly.

            Justin let out a huge sigh and let his body fall against his car. He was hurt and I was doing it just as much as he was doing it to me. We were just so fucked up.

            “I love you…”

            I stayed quiet and stared off into the parking lot. Were Justin and I cursed to lead a life of a fucking pattern? We were forever going in a fucking circle. It had to end.

            “I know… and you know I do… but I just hate this.” I confessed and looked down at the floor. “It hurts to fight with you.”

            “Then why don’t we just stop? Why can’t we just fix things?”

            “Maybe things aren’t meant to be fixed.”

            “You have got to be fucking kidding me!” The angry side of Justin was out now and he kicked at the wheel of his car with a tremendous force. “I told you that we’re not getting a fucking divorce Natalia!!”

            “I don’t see how things can be mended.”

            “Well I can!” He screamed.

            Justin was frustrated and pacing back and forth in front of me. I actually started to get a little nervous. My husband had quite the temper, I had witnessed him do some crazy things when he was mad.

            But he would never hurt me. Right?

            “I’m just still upset and not ready Justin… I didn’t want to go on the date tonight. Alright… there was some bet or something and Ricky made me go.” I said quickly. Justin stopped pacing and looked at me. He had visibly calmed down and I was thankful for that.

            “Well why did you kiss him then?”

            God, if he was that freaked out about the kiss, I was scared to know what he’d do if he found out David and I had been sleeping together. Justin would flip out.

            “I just was caught in the moment, I guess.”

            “Kiss me.” When he said that it sounded more like a command then a request. I just shook my head.

            “No.”

            ”Why?”

            “I’m not ready.”

            “But you can kiss that fucking freak and not me?” His anger was back with a full force. I was trying not to meet his eyes.

            “Please calm down.” I said those words in almost a whisper. This seemed to infuriate him more.

            “DON’T FUCKING TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!!”

            I just wrapped my arms around myself, frightened. He was out of control and it was scary. Why couldn’t he just be fucking normal for once? Was it really necessary to scream?

            “I’m sorry.” He finally said and his temper subsided. He walked over to me and pulled me into an embrace. “I’m just so scared to lose you, Nat. I love you and I just want things to be right with us again. My life has been hell without you. You are what keeps me balanced and what keeps me from breaking down. Without you I fall apart. You’re my angel and my salvation. You have given me two beautiful children and really have kept me from going off the deep end. But the thought of you not in my life makes me scared and angry and depressed. I hate not waking up with you in my arms but I’ve held onto the hope that things will get better. I don’t think I would have survived without that hope. Wait, I know I wouldn’t have survived without it. I almost died and you were all I thought about, you were all I wanted. You still are.”

            Was he telling me that he’d kill himself without me? I shuddered at the thought.

            “I can’t lose you… please, Natalia. Don’t give up on us.” His eyes were glassy and he looked about ready to cry. Why did he put me in these damn positions?!

            “Please… J, I need time.”

            “I know… but we can try something later on right?” He looked at me with his blue eyes full of pain.

            “Yeah…but I can’t guarantee that it can work… but we can try.” I rubbed my arms, just feeling nervous. He was so anxious and nervous, it was making me feel the same way. “But you need to back off and stop pressuring me. The only thing you accomplish by doing that is pushing me away.”

            “Don’t you think I know that?” He was standing next to me looking at the floor. “I hate this. I hate that I haven’t been able to get out of this life and do you want to know the honest to God truth why I haven’t been able to get out?”

            “Why?” I watched him curiously. Was he finally going to open up to me?

            “Because of the Lopez family. I fucking killed Larry Lopez but that doesn’t mean that they’re out of the picture. His sons are out for my blood and if I leave without ending it… we’ll all die. You, me, the twins, JC, Savannah, Tommy, Hope… everyone that we know. I have to finish this before we can get out.”

            Horrified, I brought my hand up to my mouth. That was just disgusting. How could people do something like that?! But I guess I was finally understanding Justin and why it was not so easy for him to leave. Why couldn’t he have told me from the beginning and saved us the hassle?

            “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

            “Because would you really have wanted to live the last 3 years knowing that? That you could be attacked and killed at any fucking moment of the day?”

            He was absolutely right. That was a scary fucking thing to live with. I just sighed and hugged him tightly. He wanted out as much as I did, but he was protecting us all.

            “So now you know.” He whispered and hugged me back tightly.

            Momentarily forgetting everything, I leaned up and kissed my husband. He accepted the kiss gratefully and never let go of me. I forgot how nice it felt to be in his arms and I melted. He always did this to me, he always made me fall for him all over again by just one kiss.

            Everything was clicked into place. Why he was so stressed and moody… why he wanted me as far away as possible from his business dealings was only to protect me. I couldn’t hate this man, even if he cheated on me again.

            Still kissing me, Justin fumbled in his pocket and pulled out his car keys. I heard the door unlock and Justin pulled me in the back seat, never pulling away from our kiss.

            All of Justin’s cars were customized to the slightest detail. His windows were bulletproof and there were other customized things I didn’t understand. I didn’t know shit about cars.

            Justin turned on the car so just the radio was playing. “Rape Me” by Nirvana came through the speakers and I just smiled through the kiss. I loved that damn song.

            He pulled me onto his lap and rubbed my bare inner thighs, which were straddling him. I was trembling from his touch. I wanted him more than anything in the world at that moment. Everything was forgotten and it was just us. There was no pain and no sorrow. Just a feeling of perfection.

            Reaching down to his pants, I unbuttoned them and took Justin by surprise. He pulled away from the dizzying kiss and looked at me.

            He said nothing to me but I just smiled and continued to unzip his pants and yanked them down along with his boxers. I stroked his hard-on softly and Justin just let out a small moan.

            God he really hadn’t been with anyone else, had he? I was starting to feel a little guilty about the David thing, but I just pushed it out of my mind. I was not going to think about the past, I was just going to live in the present and have fun. At least just for the night.

            “My angel…”

            He was pulling off my shirt and when I was topless, he mauled at my chest. There was an urgency and a need in his touch, I didn’t want to deny him of anything.

            “Yours, Justin. Only yours.”

            The words seemed to make him cockier and his motions quicker. I was only his, and although I had given myself to David, I still belonged to Justin.

            “Mine. Forever.” His blue eyes were dark and filled with lust and an arrogant smile adorned his face.

            God, He doesn’t know what he does to me. He is beautiful in every way. I love him so much yet after that night I knew the anger would return. I was unsure if I could ever forgive him for the pain I had endured and all the tears I had cried.

            His hands were up my skirt, tearing my thong off of me. Justin then picked me up off his lap and turned me around so I was facing the front of the car. His hands were at my waist, slowly bringing my hips down to his cock. His cock is pressed against my entrance and my eyes practically rolled back in my head.

            He was the only one that made me feel this way. Justin is the only man that can drive me crazy like this. One minute we can be screaming at each other and the next we can be fucking like animals. It’s like that Eminem song, “Crazy In Love”. It really describes us.

            Justin was inside me for mere seconds and I was panting already. It felt so good and it was like I needed this. I wasn’t complete without having Justin’s arms around me.

            His cock was pushed deeper inside me and I screamed out in pleasure. It was so good, I wished that things could be like this forever.

            “Mine… “ He whispered in my ear. He reached up to my breasts with one hand and clung to my hip with the other.

            I don’t know why he chose me. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, I’m not unique, and I’m sure there are a million girls out there just like me. Why does he always pursue me, why does he claim that I am his love?

            I just don’t understand what could be going through his mind sometimes.

            I was knocked out of my thoughts when he yanked my hips down to meet his thrusts. I started to move my hips voluntarily, crying out in pleasure.

            What I definitely knew was that Justin and I had passion. It was something between us that hadn’t dissipated, but grew more and more by each day. He completed me in every sense of the world.

            “Justin…” His name passed from my lips as he kissed my shoulder blade. I thought I would go mad from the pleasure.

            “Hmm?” Came the moaned reply in my ear. It sent shivers down my spine.

            “I love you…”

            “I love you, my angel.”

            I was bouncing harder now and I silently thanked God for the tinted windows on the car. His cock was fucking my pussy the way it was meant to be. David didn’t make me feel this way, Dylan certainly didn’t, it was only him.

            “Uhn… Justin… yes!!” I panted.

            In a split second the back seat was reclined and I was on my back with Justin resting between my legs. He loved being in control and I didn’t mind. I liked being dominated by him.

            He kissed me, taking my bottom lip into his mouth and biting it, while thrusting his rock hard cock back inside me. Who would have thought that after a date with Napoleon, I’d be getting fucked by Justin?

            I couldn’t count how many times I came, but I was moaning his name over and over and he pounded my tight hole. His, I was his until the day I died.

            “FUCK!! God…” He clenched his jaw and furiously fucked my pussy. The car was bouncing like crazy. I stared into his cobalt eyes and caressed his soft face.

            He loved me and nothing I could do would ever change that. I felt the same way about him but I still felt fear. I wasn’t ready to pick up where we left off. I needed to heal still.

            But I loved him with all my heart, regardless of everything.

            “Natalia! God!” The words came out of his mouth and he emptied himself inside me. He let his body fall onto mine and kissed at my chest. “Mine.”

            I was his and he was mine. It was just letting everyone know that was going to be the problem. Everyone was against out relationship and if we were ever going to get back together we had to solve that.

Chapter 27

            “May I ask how you and Mr. Timberlake spent your evening, before I tell you about the wonderful night I spent with Kip?” Hope smirked at me as I sat down at the table Ricky, Hope and Savannah were already seated at. The four of us decided to go to Blue Ribbon, my favorite Sushi restaurant in New York.

            “How I spent my evening is none of your business!”

            “Yeah right… that’s why I saw his car shaking when Kip and I were leaving!” Hope giggled, causing Ricky and Savannah to laugh. I just glared nastily at all of them and then went back to reading my menu.

            “So you fucked him? Are you back together?!” Ricky asked excitedly.

            “I’m not back together, leave me alone!”

            Ricky just shook his head sadly. Why the hell did he want me back with Justin so badly? It pissed me off that they were pushing me at him and wanting me with him so much. I’d be with whoever I wanted when I was ready to be! Gosh!

            “She’ll be back with him soon. I know it.” Ricky said nonchalantly and took a sip of his Saki.

            “Fuck you!” I yelled out a little too loudly and people turned to look at me. I just slumped down in my chair in horror. “Sorry.”

            My three friends just laughed at my loudness and we went about ordering when the waiter came over. I also made sure to order myself an apple martini. I knew I was going to need it.

            “I had sex with Kip.” Hope said just as I was taking a sip of my apple martini. I spit it all out when she said this.

            “WHAT?!” Ricky exclaimed with wide eyes.

            “He’s engaged and everything but he told me he wanted to be good for his fiancé so I figured… what the hell!”

            “Who the hell is Kip?” Savannah asked.

            “This weird guy I hooked her up with. Jesus Christ, Esperanza!! You fucked Kip?” Ricky was shaking his head and laughing slightly. I just stared at her.

            “Yeah why not, I’m on the rebound so I took his virginity.”

            “Dear God!” I put my hand over my mouth and started to giggle. “You little whore!”

            “If Tommy can have fun with other women then so can I… but with other men.” Hope stated proudly.

            It then hit me that all three of us women were sleeping with other men. Holy shit that was just crazy! But it was still justifiable, we were all unhappy.

            “And I’m fucking or was fucking David. That hasn’t been done in a few weeks.” I admitted and Esperanza was the only one who looked shocked.

            “Holy shit… if Justin finds out…”

            “Yeah I know, but he isn’t.” I brushed off the topic and thankfully, Savannah took the light off of me.

            “Leave her alone. She has her reasons for sleeping with David! Justin just doesn’t make her happy and he isn’t there for her!” Savannah stated.

            “Yes, but he’s sorry and he loves her. He wants to make things work now.” Ricky pointed out and Savannah shook her head bitterly.

            “If Justin would have cared about her he would have showed it. Justin didn’t have to ignore her all the time and make her feel like she wasn’t worthy of his love. He should have proved to her that she meant something to him. Justin should have married her and stopped being such a commitment phobic!”

            WHOA! Someone was projecting majorly! Savannah seemed to have caught herself and quickly stuffed her mouth with a Spider Roll that the waiter set down in front of her.

            “Savannah are you cheating on JC?” Hope asked Savannah who was avoiding everyone’s eyes. I didn’t blame the girl, but I decided to stick up for her.

            “Just leave her alone.”

            “No, Nat, it’s fine. Don’t cover for me.” Savannah said with a sigh. “Yes I am, but even if JC knew he wouldn’t care. So let’s just drop it okay.”

            “Not until I know who it is. Is he hot?” Ricky asked with a wolfish grin.

            Leave it to Ricky to put the fire out on a bad situation. I loved my fruit more than anything for that!

            “He’s hot and sweet and let’s leave it at that.” Savannah looked away from all of us.

            I quickly started to talk about the twins and how I had no idea what I was going to dress them up as for Halloween. I loved being a vampire like every year but Ricky practically forced me to do something different this year.

            “Let me handle it. I’m picking out all your costumes.”

            That was going to be odd. I didn’t trust him but what the hell. I was up for a change.

**

            I walked into my Mother’s house on Halloween and watched as my Mom took pictures of the twins dressed up as Luke and Leia Skywalker. Ricky had an obsession with Star Wars and since the twins were born had the sick idea of dressing them as the twins, Luke and Leia.

            Nikolas held a plastic light saber and swung at his sister who held one of her own. I just shook my head at Ricky who beamed innocently at me.

            Samantha had a white dress on, which was the exact replica from Episode IV, she even had the hair done in the two buns. My son had the white Jedi robe and I thought I was going to murder Ricky.

            “You did not dress them up as that!!” I pouted and crossed my arms.

            “Come on!! You fucking have twins, Natalia!! It’s Luke and Leia!” Ricky exclaimed and my Mother nodded with a smile.

            “Son lindo!!”

            “If you make me dress up as something Star Wars related I’m going to kill you.” I glared at Ricky and ignored my Mother. “You are not turning me and my children into trekkies!!”

            “You have to be Padme!! COME ON!! Mother of the twins!” Ricky whined. “And Star Wars and Star Trek are two different things!!”

            “Yes, but I don’t have an Anakin/Darth Vader, and who gives a shit what it is!”

            “But that’s Justin.” Ricky said low enough so my Mother wouldn’t hear. I just gave him the nastiest look in the world. “Uhm okay then not.”

            “I’m not dressing up this year. Screw that!” I said rather loudly, causing my Mother to glare at me.

            “Oh Natalia, mija! Just do it! Enjoy you’re children while they are young!” The look my mother gave me was so scary that I just nodded and said yes.

            My mother had a way of scaring me into doing things. Damn, this was gonna be an interesting Halloween.

**

            When we got to Ricky’s apartment with the bouncing twins, Ricky ushered me into my old bedroom where my costume was laid out on the bed. I looked at him and screamed.

            “I’m not wearing that!!”

            “Why?! It’s so cool!”

            “Ricky no!!”

            “Natalia, don’t make me call your Mom!”

            I visibly paled and pushed him out of the room so I could change. It wasn’t that bad, but it was what the costume stood for. I was not a Star Wars geek!

            I put on the ripped white leather pants and the ripped off white leather shirt, with only one sleeve and these silver cuffs on my upper arms. I pulled my hair into a bun as Ricky left a picture of how it looked. I wanted to kill him.

            I had a white, cream colored belt on with a gun holder attached to it and matching boots. I completed the fucking costume with a white cape.

            “RICKY, I’M NOT COMING OUT!!” I screamed as I stared at my reflection. I had turned into one of those comic convention geeks. Oh my God.

            “YES YOU ARE!!” He screamed with a laugh. I didn’t just want to just kill him anymore, I was going to kill him.

            I opened my bedroom door and saw Ricky standing in a bright purple glitter jumpsuit with dark purple glitter makeup on and lavender fairy wings. I fell into a fit of laughter.

            “OH MY GOD!”

            “I’m a fairy in both senses.” Ricky said with a grin.

            “You sick fuck!” I screamed and continued to laugh.

            “And you, my dear, are a beautiful Padme.” Ricky grinned and held out his camera. “I want a picture with the twins!”

            He called the twins who were watching some Danny Phantom cartoon and they stood next to me proudly posing. I couldn’t help but to giggle and get into it. I posed for the picture, holding my fake gun and headed out with Ricky to take the twins Trick or Treating.

            Ricky and I had fun running around the neighborhood with the twins and that was when he decided to have an impromptu Halloween party at his apartment.

            The twins had gotten so much candy just for being so cute. I had to admit, I had beautiful kids.

**

            “So what are you supposed to be, Nat?” Louis said as we were readying for the party. He was dressed as a fairy as well, except his outfit was rainbow colored. I was cracking up.

            “An undercover cop as a prostitute. That’s what the gun is for.” I said and Louis just nodded.

            “Oh cool.”

            No one was going to know I was Padme Amidala so I decided to fucking lie. Oh well, I was having too much fun playing around.

            The doorbell rang and in walked Hope and Kip. My mouth literally dropped to the floor as I saw Hope in a black leather corset and barely there hot shorts. She was holding a whip in her hand and a leash. On the end of the leash stood Kip.

            “HOOOOLLY SHIT!” I screamed. Hope just had the biggest smirk on her face.

            “This Halloween party is going to be crazy… isn’t it my pet?” Hope smiled down at Kip.

            “Yes, it is my sweet dove.”

            “MY NAME IS MASTER!” Hope screamed and the whip cracked down on Kip’s back. He muttered an “ow” and a soft apology while Ricky, Louis and I stared in shock.

            This was going to be an interesting party.

Chapter 28

            I walked around the party with a Mike’s Hard Lemonade in one hand and my gun in the other. Savannah was dressed as a slutty cop and I couldn’t help but to giggle at the sight of her. “This Could Be Love” by Alkaline Trio was playing in the background. Ricky knew how to pick the best music.

            “So what are you supposed to be?” She asked and twirled her handcuffs around on her index finger.

            “I’m Lara Croft from Tomb Raider.” I lied.

            “Oh my God!! That’s so cool! I love her!” Savannah giggled. “But shouldn’t you’re hair be in a braid?”

            “I didn’t know how to do a braid.”

            Bullshit! I knew how to do braids but I was not going to admit that I was someone from Star Wars damnit! I shrugged and turned to see David walking towards me.

            “Someone’s looking sexy.” Savannah giggled and patted my back lightly. “I think someone is gonna be having some fun tonight!” I went to give Savannah a look but she walked away before I could.

            I hadn’t seen him in forever and I nearly died when I saw what he was dressed up as. David dressed as Obi Wan Kenobi leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek. He had even grown a slight beard for the costume and slicked his brown hair back. He looked so hot in the brown long cloak, a white tunic and tan pants.

            “What a fucking coincidence.” He said with a laugh. “I didn’t know you were a Star Wars freak?”

            “I’m not!! Ricky used the force to make me dress up.” I was hiding a smile and turned away quickly.

            “Yeah, I’m a Star Wars geek through and through.” David laughed and I shook my head, laughing with him.

            “So are Justin and Ricky.”

            “Justin.” David sneered while saying his name. “How is the drug dealing, Mafia lord, son of a bitch anyway?”

            Damn. Someone was jealous. I just shrugged and took a sip of my Mike’s hard lemonade. I really didn’t want to deal with that. Did he have to be such an ass? I started to walk away when he grabbed my arm and sighed.

            “I’m sorry… I’m jealous and intimidated.”

            “That’s for damn sure.” I glared at him and was thankfully removed from that conversation when the twins ran at us.

            “Uncle David!” He bent down and hugged them tightly.

            “Would you look at that!! It’s Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia!” He kissed the both of them on the cheek and grinned.

            “Yep!!” Samantha said proudly and then turned around to see someone behind David. “DADDY!!”

            Samantha wiggled out of David’s arms and ran to her father who was to my “surprise” dressed as Anakin Skywalker. He had the black leather vest with the black shirt underneath, the black pants, boots and the long flowing cape. He had the scar on his right eye and the black gloved hand.

            God he looked gorgeous. Did Ricky need to make this all harder on me by inviting Justin?

            Justin hugged and kissed the twins while I just took it as my cue to walk away from both Justin and David. I walked to get another Mike’s Hard Lemonade when I saw the funniest thing in the world.

            Tommy was dressed up as the Lucky Charms Leprechaun. I dropped the Mike’s Hard Lemonade to the floor and cracked up. He was dressed in a bright green suit just like the Lucky Charms guy!! He even had the hat and everything!

            “They’re after me Lucky Charms!” He screamed in his Irish accent and ran up to me with a box of Lucky Charms in his hand.

            Who the hell would have known that the great Thomas Ryan would have a sense of humor? Hope just watched him with anguish. That was her husband and he had cheated on her and now he was having so much fun.

            Tommy suggestively winked at me and I couldn’t help but to laugh. I wasn’t supposed to be laughing at him!! I was supposed to be yelling at him for being such an ass to Esperanza!

            “What are you supposed to be?”

            “I’m Britney Spears from the “Oops I Did It Again” video, except I have white leather on. I’m her if she would have fucked that Astronaut in the video.”

            Tommy just looked at me confused. He probably didn’t know what the hell I was talking about but oh well. He shrugged it off and went crazy again.

            “IT’S MAGICALLY DELICIOUS!!” He had jumped on the table and pointed at his crotch.

            The whole party fell into hysterics. Well, everyone except for Hope was laughing. She just glared at Tommy. She felt her blood boil at the sight of him laughing and acting like nothing happened.

            Never piss off a Spanish girl. We have the Ricky Ricardo tempers.

            “It’s too small to be magically delicious!!” Hope screamed out. More laughter ensued after that. Tommy just shrugged with a smug smirk on his face, but obviously upset at the sight of Hope and Kip together.

            “You never complained before.”

            “That’s only because I never knew what a real man was until I met Kip!”

            Tommy just looked annoyed and jumped off the table and stormed off to where Justin, Ricky and Louis were talking. Justin. God, I was going to avoid him like the fucking plague.

            I chugged down my alcohol and talked to more people around the party. A lot of them were people I had been friends with when I lived in New York like Hollie and Tim. They were such an adorable couple and I was happy that they were still together.

            “Hello.” I heard a monotone voice say. I turned around and saw Napoleon standing behind me dressed up in a suit of armor.

            “Hi…”

            “What are you supposed to be?” He asked. Napoleon had two friends with him, a Spanish-looking guy with a mustache and a girl with a ponytail on the side of her head. I just smiled politely.

            “Oh I’m an Alien Hunter.” It was the first thing that popped into my head. Napoleon just nodded knowingly.

            “I’m a medieval warrior.” Napoleon informed me and then proceeded to introduce me to his friends. “These are my friends Pedro and Deb. This is my woman, Natalia.”

            HIS WOMAN?! I wanted to die laughing. He had to be kidding right?! I made some excuse about having to go check on Ricky and walked away quickly.

            “Someone’s in a rush.” Justin said with an amused smile. I just rolled my eyes at him.

            “Yes, that’s thanks to Ricky for hooking me up with weirdoes.” I motioned to Napoleon who had gotten hit in the face with a steak that Ricky was serving as part of the food. Napoleon just screamed at the man dressed as a football player, who I heard him call Rico.

            Justin laughed at me and I smacked his arm. He could be such an ass sometimes.

            “Speaking of weirdoes, you’re wonderful friend David is here.” Justin said sarcastically. I turned and saw David talking to Savannah. I wondered what they could be saying to each other. Was it about me?

            “David is a nice guy, Justin. He was there for me in a time of need and I don’t care if you’re jealous of him or not. Be nice.”

            “Whatever.” He dismissed the subject we were speaking of quickly and smirked. “How did Ricky get you to wear the Padme costume?”

            “He had my Mom threaten me.” I rolled my eyes and Justin just laughed.

            “Yeah, your Mom can be really frightening.”

            “Tell me about it.”

            “You look hot as Padme.” Justin was grinning at me. He ran his hand down my bare stomach making me shiver at his touch. “I’m glad Ricky had the idea for this costume.”

            I bit at my lip and looked up to see David walking towards Justin and I. I was feeling nervous so I stared down at my gun. This was really really awkward.

            “Don’t you know it’s against the Jedi code to annoy beautiful girls. Now go away.” David hissed and grabbed my arm tightly. He pulled me away from Justin and I let out a yelp.

            “That hurt!! David get off me!”

            David was thrown into a wall and I was in Justin’s arms. The expression on his face was of pure anger and rage. No one fucked with Justin Timberlake’s woman.

            “Don’t ever touch her again!” Justin said through clenched teeth.

            “You can’t tell me what to do.” David replied with an angry tone to his voice. I was getting really nervous at the damn situation.

            Why did this fucking drama always have to happen to me? Thank God for Ricky though.

            “Guys… stop okay? This is my apartment and my party and if you’re going to act stupid and fight like children then you can both leave right now. I will not have you guys ruin my party and I’m sure, Natalia won’t forgive either of you if you do.” Ricky folded his arms and although his funny fairy appearance, he looked dead serious and mad.

            “I’m sorry, Ricky, but he hurt Natalia.” Justin pointed out. “He grabbed her arm and she screamed.”

            “Alright fuck this. David, I’m sorry but you’ve gotta leave.” Ricky said angrily and led David to the door. David just turned around and glared at Justin and I.

            “Life often imitates art.” David said softly, looking very sad. “Padme’s death was Anakin’s fault and if Natalia dies it will be your fault Justin.”

            “I’d never let Natalia get hurt! I would die before that happens!”

            “Yeah right.” David scoffed. “That’s why most of her pain comes from you. You will be her downfall, Justin.”

            With those last words David walked out of Ricky’s apartment. I looked at Justin who just seemed pissed off. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t go after David and I wasn’t going to end up with Justin.

            “I would never hurt you. You know that.”

            “Just stop okay.” I walked away from Justin and towards JC who wearing a black speedo and a bow tie. I giggled at the sight of him.

            “Hey Stranger.” I said with a smile. “I’d hug you except there’s a lack of clothes.”

            “Yeah… I’m a Chip and Dales Stripper.” JC laughed. “How’s Savannah doing though?”

            “She’s…” Could I tell him the truth and help JC and Savannah fix their relationship? Or should I just mind my business? I decided to go with the latter. I didn’t need her mad at me again. “She’s doing okay.”

            “I miss her.”

            “She doesn’t think that. You like never call.”

            “I’m busy…” JC avoided my gaze and I knew he was lying.

            “Sure JC, but Justin at least has the time to stalk me. Try another excuse.”

            “There’s things you don’t understand so just forget it okay.”

            “Whatever.” I rolled my eyes at him. He was really pissing me off. I didn’t blame Savannah for fucking Lance. I’d do the same thing if I was in her place.

            “Anyway what’s your costume?”

            “Oh I’m a superhero.” I said with a straight face.

            “Really who?”

            “Uh… Super Sperm Woman. I have the power to make a man cum at the sight of me.”

            “Wonderful, I bet you’ll have fun using that on Justin later.” JC winked at me and I rolled my eyes.

            “I’m not back together with him so shut up.”

            Why the hell did everyone have to annoy me about that damn topic?! I wasn’t with Justin! So what if I slept with him? That didn’t mean anything! Haha, yeah right, it meant a lot.

            “Okaay! Calm down there.” JC raised his hands up in mock defense. “You aren’t back with Justin but who said anything about having fun?”

            “Pervert!! Joshua Chasez, you are a pervert!” I giggled and slapped his bare arm.

            “Excuse me. I have an announcement to make!” Ricky exclaimed and jumped up onto his coffee table. Thank God it was sturdy or else it would have broke and I would have laughed. “I’d like to clear up some of the misconceptions that are going around the party.”

            Misconceptions? What the hell was he talking about? JC and I exchanged confused looks. “Vampires Will Never Hurt You” by My Chemical Romance was lowered and I was a little annoyed, I loved that song! It fit the Halloween spirit!

            “Natalia is indeed a Star Wars nerd and is dressed up as Padme Naberrie Amidala. She is not dressed as Britney Spears, an undercover cop or Lara Croft. NATALIA IS A STAR WARS OBSESSED FREAK!”

            “I HATE YOU!” I screamed out in embarrassment while everyone else just laughed.

            “Isn’t that one of Anakin’s lines? God, Nat! You’re saying the wrong character lines!”

            I gave my gay best friend the dirtiest look I could muster up and then pouted. JC just patted my back and laughed.

            “Don’t worry. I’m a Star Wars freak too.”

            “I’M NOT A STAR WARS FREAK!” I pointed out yet again. This was when Justin came over and smiled.

            “She’s not a Star Wars freak.” He said patronizingly

“I’m noooott!!” I whined and JC patted my back yet again. I turned and gave him a look of death. JC looked scared and took this as his cue to walk away.

“Natalia, you know I’d never hurt you… I love you and it kills me inside that I’m not with you…”

“Oh just fucking save it.” I shook my head. “I’m leaving so just stop you’re fucking declarations of love. I don’t want to hear them. I told you I need my space so just accept that and leave me alone. So Happy fucking Halloween and good night.”

I picked up my sleeping kids from my old bedroom and walked out of the apartment. I didn’t want to deal with my life and avoiding it all was just going to bite me in the ass in the end.

Chapter 29

            “You need to stop running away, Nat.” Ricky said to me as we walked down Fashion Avenue in Manhattan. He was on his lunch break from work and he told me he needed to talk to me.

            I didn’t think him talking to me would entail a lecture about making a fucking decision.

            “I’m not running away. I’m just not ready.”

            “You are damn ready, you’re just fucking stubborn.” Ricky stated and I just sent him the evilest glare I could manage. If that was even a damn word… evilest? Oh well, I can just pretend it is.

            “I am NOT stubborn.” I hissed.

            “You so are. Justin fucking loves you and he’s sorry. What more do you need?”

            “I don’t know… maybe for him to be out of the fucking mafia? I really don’t think it’s too much to ask to be out of danger.” I said bitterly.

            “You’re right… but in relationships you have to compromise.” He replied.

            I wanted to scream. I knew all of that. I knew Justin was sorry for cheating, even though I was starting to really believe that he was, indeed, set up. I also knew that Justin was sorry about not being able to get out of the mob.

            That shit still hurt though. I’m sorry wasn’t fixing anything.

            “Yes I know… but I need my fucking time. I don’t wanna be pushed back to him, I want to go on my own free will.”

            “Whatever you say.” Ricky shook his head in disdain.

            I just huddled into my favorite hoodie of my favorite band, “The Used”. I was terrified to get back together with Justin, especially after what he told me about the Lopez family. I didn’t want my children and I to be in any danger.

            “Ricky… it’s just not that easy.”

            “I know… but you hurt him the night of the Halloween party… he feels like he means nothing to you.”

            “That’s not true and you all know that…”

            “Maybe Justin isn’t so sure anymore.” He looked straight in my eyes and I felt nothing but guilt. I was a selfish fucking bitch.

            “He should be sure…” I whined.

            “Maybe you just need to prove it to him or show him.”

            “I hate when you’re right, Rico Suave.” I sighed and placed my head on his shoulder.

            “I know… and don’t call me that!”

**

            Another party I was forced to grit my teeth and attend. This sucked but I promised Ricky that I would make an attempt with Justin, so I had no other choice. I wore a short lilac dress that Ricky picked out for me and held his hand tightly, as he, Louis and I headed into the restaurant Justin had bought out for his supposed party.

            I had been to many of them. They only happened when there was a huge victory for them. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hear what the victory was. 

            The restaurant was filled with people and was bustling with activity. I saw Justin stand up and pull one of the lowly drug dealers, Trace Ayala, up with him.

            “This evening is all thanks to Mr. Trace Ayala, without his help in such a dangerous matter we wouldn’t be able to be enjoying the festivities.” Justin said and placed an arm around Trace. “For proving his loyalty in such a way he will be joining the ranks of myself, Tommy and JC.”

            The place exploded into applause and all I could do was blink in confusion. My curiosity was bubbling but I pushed it aside and headed to follow Ricky to where he sat at the table with Justin.

            Justin didn’t stop smiling when he saw us; in fact he seemed to be a little shocked. I just returned the smile and took a seat across from Justin.

            I ran a hand through my hair as I nervously sat under Justin’s gaze. I didn’t make eye contact with him but turned to smile and annoy Ricky and Louis.

            “So Rico Suave, when the hell are we all going to Aruba? I need a tan… and I’m not talking about a fake tan in a box.” I asked and Ricky sent me an evil glare. Justin, Louis and I just laughed at his reaction.

            “I’m not going to Aruba with you because you fucking call me Rico Suave.” He pouted, causing as all to laugh more.

            “Dude I’m so calling you Rico Suave from now on!!” Justin exclaimed. Ricky just shot us all the death glare. Me and him had that shit fucking mastered!

            “Listen J-bo. I’d be quiet if I were you.” Ricky hissed.

            “J-bo?” Louis and I asked at the same time, which drew more giggles from us. Justin just hid his face in his hands and I could see him turning red. Aw.

            “We went to this gay bar and Justin got hit on by this transvestite waiter/waitress… whatever the fuck it was.” Ricky giggled and took a sip of his wine. Classy bitch. “So Justin was paying with his credit card and the it started calling him J-bo. It was so funny!!”

            “Man, you promised you wouldn’t tell that story!”

            “Sorry!! I had to!” Ricky grinned and placed an arm around Louis who just giggled along with me.

            “You fucking blow man!” Justin laughed and shook his head. His smile was infectious and made me smile as well.

            But God damn… Ricky and Justin were becoming friends? What the fuck was that about? This shit just kept getting crazier and crazier. I always thought they were friends only because of me, I guess I was just being self-centered.

            The only thing that made me nervous was the thought of the two of them against me. If they plotted against me I would fucking go down.

            “J-bo you are the only one that blows.” Ricky said with a mischievous smirk.

            “Rico Suave, shut your damn mouth.”

            I was in the fucking Twilight Zone.

            “Nat, do you wanna go get a drink with me?” Justin asked me and I looked at him in surprise.

            “Uhm sure.”

            I was a little shocked that I agreed but I figured why the hell not. Justin wasn’t going to be off my back and in reality I wanted to talk to him alone. I was actually jealous that he and Ricky had become closer.

            “So you and Ricky are getting close.” I stated as Justin ordered me a Peach Martini. He just nodded in response and smiled. “That’s really good. I’m glad to see that.”

            “Yeah so am I.”

            I brushed my hair behind my ear and sipped at the drink that Justin handed me. I loved peach martinis but no one knew how to make them the way I liked them. This one was just perfect. That bastard must have set it up.

            “You look beautiful tonight.” Justin said with a small smile.

            “Thank you… you look really good too, but you always do.” I smiled back.

            “As do you, Mrs. Timberlake.” He ran the pads of his fingers down my arm, causing me to shiver.

            Did he have to refer to me as Mrs. Timberlake? Did he have to touch me and make me want him so much more than I already did? With Ricky and Justin plotting against me I was really screwed.

            “So beautiful…” Justin whispered and played with the thin strap of my dress.

            I was breathless and I wanted to kiss him, so I leaned up and went to do just that. The bastard then proceeded to move his fucking head away!!

            I stared at him in shock and he just stared into my eyes.

            “I don’t want to kiss you or sleep with you unless I have my wife back.” He stated firmly. If I could express in words how shocked I was everyone could understand. Justin turned me down?! What was that about?!

            With that phrase he fucking proved to me that I wasn’t just sex to him as I thought. He loved me and actually did want me back.

            “Really…?”

            “Yeah… I feel kinda used. I love you, Natalia and I’m not going to push you to be with me but it hurts. It’s like an all or nothing deal for me now. I want you entirely or nothing at all.”

            Whoa, okay… wow. I never expected him to say that to me so I was completely caught off guard. Justin actually wanted something other than just sex from me?

            “So… what are you trying to say?”

            “What is happening is hurting me too much and I want to be with you but I can’t let myself get used. I’m sorry…”

            “Are you giving me an ultimatum?”

            “Yes…” Justin trailed off and I was even more shocked now. He was going to leave me if I said no? Oh fuck that!

            “I don’t like ultimatums, Justin.”

            “I know, but I feel that I have no other choice.” He leaned onto the bar and watched me intently.

            What the hell was I going to do? This wasn’t supposed to be happening!! Justin was supposed to wait for me. He wasn’t supposed to make me decide like this! He wasn’t supposed to pressure me!

            Fuck! But I loved him. I did want to be with him.

            “This isn’t fair!” I complained.

            “Life isn’t fair, but we have to deal with it. I don’t like feeling used. You really hurt me on Halloween, Natalia. Like you can fuck me one day and the next you just treat me like some piece of garbage off the street?”

            “Well now you know how it feels. That’s what you’d make me feel like.”

            “I guess we’re even now.” He said and practically pierced into my soul with his gaze. I squirmed uncomfortably and avoided his eyes, but I could still feel his eyes on me. “Please come back to me. This is the last time I’m going to ask.”

            “Please don’t do this now… please.”

            “There’s no better time then the present.”

            “But I’m not ready… I mean God, Justin! Why do you have to be like this? You’re pressuring me!” I complained.

            “Well, I guess you’ve made your mind up then.” Justin Timberlake turned away from me and my heart started to shatter. “We’ll draw up the divorce papers tomorrow.”

            “No!”

            “You need your time and I’m not a patient man, Natalia. You know that.”

            “Please Justin… please I don’t want a divorce.” I started to cry and grabbed a hold of his wrist. “I love you.”

            “You love me but not enough to be with me and forgive me for the mistakes I never wanted to commit in the first place.” His back was still away from me and he ordered himself a drink.

            “I do want to be with you!!” I was sobbing so hard that I couldn’t see straight or even breathe normally. “I don’t need time… I was being stubborn!!!”

            I could almost see Ricky in my head with a satisfied smirk. He was right and I was admitting it. That fucking bastard! Damn him for always being right and damn me for confessing it.

            Justin whirled around to me and drew me into his arms. He soothed my tears and I felt like I was where I should always be. This man was everything to me and without him I just fall apart. I do stupid things and I’m not myself, Justin truly completes me.

            “I love you, Natalia.” He whispered in my ear. “I’m so happy you finally stood up for what you want. I’m glad you proved to me what I’ve always known was true, that you love me. I know we can fix this…you are my angel and I won’t stop trying ever. ”

            Justin’s lips pressed against my own and the sweetest kiss was given to me. This was it. I was back to being Mrs. Justin Timberlake, but would things change or be the same as before? I could only hope for the latter. 

Chapter 30

            “Natalia!! Would you help me clean this damn apartment and get off the phone?!” Ricky yelled at me. I rolled my eyes and snapped my cell phone shut as I reached Justin’s voice mail.

            “I’m sorry but I had to call Justin and remind him to get that stupid bottle of wine you asked for!” I replied with a snotty tone and grabbed the mop from his hand. “And you’re totally mopping the floor wrong!”

            “Listen, this stupid Thanksgiving party was not my idea!! Louis wanted to throw it… I’m just doing my best to get this together last minute!”

            I rolled my eyes at Ricky, he was such a drama queen. I proceeded to help him clean up his dirty apartment, in which I did most of the work. I had no idea why he didn’t hire a maid or something, but he was a weird kid.

            Did I mention I also hated cleaning?

            “So how are things with you and the Lake?”

            “The Lake?” I asked with confusion. What the hell was he talking about?

            “You know… Timber… lake…”

            “YOU’RE SO STUPID!!” I broke out into laugher and threw a dirty paper towel, which I used to clean the glass table, at him. “And things with me and Justin are better… I mean we’re working things out slowly… it’s rough but it’s worth it…”

            “Good… you should have listened to me from the beginning but you never do.”

            “Do you always have to rub in my face that you’re always right?”

            “Pretty much.” Ricky smirked evilly at me and picked up the paper towel off the floor and threw it in the garbage.

            “Ugh, I can’t stand you.”

            “Pfft… you love me my little Thanksgiving whore.”

            “Thanksgiving whore? You need help, Seaver, you need help.”

**

            Thanksgiving began in the craziest fashion. As it turns out, Ricky was not going to do thanksgiving normally. Thanksgiving was going to consist of a dinner, which would be normal and then a crazy ass party.

            Who the fuck does something like that and god damnit what was with all the damn parties?! I wanted a nice peaceful thanksgiving but things are never as we want them to be.

            “Hello?!” Savannah and JC walked in together. The sight of them together made me wish that they really were together. Today they were putting on a façade that I hated to see. Why couldn’t they mend things as Justin and I did?

            Maybe JC had to realize that he was losing her? Who knew, it all needed to be solved though.

            “Hey losers.” I hugged the both of them and smiled. “This is gonna be one freakin crazy night. I don’t even know what Ricky had planned. I’m a little scared to be honest.”

            “Oh it’s not gonna be that crazy!” Ricky laughed sinisterly and walked up to us in a Chef hat. I even had to giggle. HE WASN’T EVEN COOKING!! He was going to pull off the catered food as his own!! I would so totally do that!

            I had taught the young Padawan well.

            “What’s up, Psycho?” Savannah smiled and hugged Ricky tightly. I think he was excited to see her so happy with JC. I mean there was still a considerate distance between the two, but I hadn’t seen Savannah in the same room with JC and having a smile on her face in the longest time.

            Maybe things were gonna get better for all of us?

            That thought faded when Hope walked in dressed as Pocahontas and Kip dressed as a Pilgrim at her side. Kip wasn’t a bad guy, but I knew Hope was destined for better. I mean maybe Tommy had fucked things up with them, but she didn’t have to lower herself to date Kip.

            I didn’t say anything, I just forced a smile as they entered the apartment, arm in arm. I looked around for Justin who was busy coloring with the twins. I smiled and walked over to my family.

            It felt so good to say those words… my family. It had been so long since we were a family again. I couldn’t bear to lose them again.

            “I like the turkey you’re coloring.” I said, giggling at Justin’s drawing. He looked up at me with a lopsided grin and then pulled me onto his lap.

            “Mommy!! My Indian is better!!” Nikolas held up his picture of an Indian and I giggled more.

            “You guys wanna see some real Indians and Pilgrims?” I asked my wide-eyed children. They nodded exasperatedly and I pointed to Kip and Hope. “Go look at Aunt Hope!”

            My children ran off to harass Hope and Kip and I was left with Justin. I hugged him and placed a soft kiss on his lips. I was so happy to be spending the holiday with him.

            “This feels perfect… us together again, I mean.” I smiled and my husband beamed at me.

            “It does… “ He looked into my eyes and didn’t say anything. “You are my angel…”

            His angel, the name he had always called me but I had never accepted. It felt right… it felt perfect. I guess I was in that honeymoon stage where everything was peachy, I wanted to forgive and forget.

            “I love you…” I whispered.

            “I know… I love you too, Natalia.”

            “HEY! LOSERS!” I heard Ricky scream. We turned around to see the table set and everyone staring at us. Justin and I had been so engrossed in each other that everything was done and ready.

            That was cute but at the same time kind of sickening. Sometimes being too lovey dovey was annoying.

            “Sorry Rico Suave.” Justin gave Ricky a satisfied smile and the two of us headed over to the table.

            We were all seated, JC, Justin, the twins, Savannah, Louis, Ricky, Hope, Kip and myself. The only one missing was Tommy and it felt wrong without him there.

            “So should we start… I’m totally not saying grace…” Ricky stated while Louis giggled.

            “Yeah according to the Catholics, doesn’t God like hate us for being gay?” The two of them giggled while I rolled my eyes.

            “Maybe we should wait for Tommy..” Justin suggested, which made him receive a death look from Hope. He quickly just shut his mouth and looked down.

            “Esperanza, don’t be like that! Tommy is our friend too!” I stuck up for my husband and received more glares from her. She said nothing in reply and I knew she wasn’t going to fight our decision to wait for Tommy.

            Hope just glared at the full plate of food that was set for Tommy. I saw her start to smirk at something but then it disappeared. Uh… okay…

            The table was quiet for a little while, until JC decided to break the ice and started telling stories from when we were all together and happy. It was probably one of the most awkward moments for Hope, but I knew JC was doing it for a reason.

            “Yeah… and then when Tommy, Hope, Savannah and I all went to the beach was the best. Do you girls remember that day? When I picked Tommy up and threw him in the water?” JC laughed and Savannah giggled.

            Savannah looked like she was glowing. I didn’t know what was going on with her but I knew I’d find out soon enough. Had she and JC mended things finally or was she hiding her true feelings for the holiday?

            “And then Tommy went to the bathroom and we dug a hole under his towel and when he went to sit back down, he fell in the hole!!” Savannah cracked up and I could see Hope even starting to smile.

            It ended when the door flung open and Tommy entered holding the hand of a little boy… his son, Anthony. Anger flushed Hope’s face and to be spiteful, she turned and planted a huge kiss onto Kip.

            Tommy just ignored her and smiled at everyone.

            “Hello everyone and Happy Thanksgiving!! I’d like to introduce my son to you… Anthony Ryan.”

            Anthony was absolutely adorable, looking like a mini-version of his father. I got up and decided to play mother to Anthony, not really caring if Hope would be mad at me or not. I knew the kid was going to have it tough not having his mother around for the holiday so I wanted to be as helpful as possible.

            “Hey sweetie.” I knelt down in front of Anthony and smiled. “I’m your Aunt Natalia…”

            The little boy smiled shyly at me and gave me a weak hello. I motioned for Tommy to go sit down and sat the little boy next to Samantha and Nikolas. I introduced them and noticed that Samantha was smitten with Anthony. I found it completely adorable and laughed silently.

            Hope was glaring at me but I ignored her. I sat back down next to Justin and the dinner went on. What an interesting night it was going to be.

**

            Dinner finished and we were all stuffed, but there was a party and no one was going to be able to sit around and rest. I helped Ricky clear the table and soon people were coming into the house and music was blasting from the speakers.

            Another one of Ricky’s famous parties was not going to disappoint anyone. The kids were running around the party playing together while Tommy had disappeared.

            “Hey… where’d Tommy go?” I asked no one impaticular, but Hope answered me.

            “Oh he’s in the bathroom…”

            “Why?”

            Hope laughed menacingly and I turned to look at her with confusion. She was twirling one of her feathers in her hand from her Pocahontas costume and looking at the floor.

            “HOPE!! What did you do?”

            Esperanza grabbed a small bottle of exlax from her pocket and waved it in front of me. I put my hand over my mouth and stared at her.

            “Oh my God… you are evil.”

            “He deserved it!! How could he bring that demon child here!?” I let out a sigh and was ready to walk away when Nikolas came pummeling into me.

            “Hey!! Be careful guys!” I yelled to my son, who just continued running, with Anthony and Samantha in pursuit of him.

            Anthony was running and being a silly little kid and ran straight into Hope, making her spill her Appletini all over herself. She let out a scream and grabbed Anthony by the arm.

            “Listen you little brat, if you come near me again I’m going to hang you upside down by the balls!!” She yelled, leaving me standing their speechless.

            Anthony stared at her, before running away as fast as he could.

“Natalia, how could you be nice to that bastard spawn of evil?? You’re supposed to be on my side! Not his!”

            “All I know is that there’s a little boy that’s probably missing his mother, so I’m being kind to him…he probably feels alone and scared… how the hell could you be so cruel, Hope? Tommy is the one that fucked up, not Anthony.”

            I turned away from her and headed over to Justin and just threw my arms around him.

            “What’s wrong baby?”

            “I’m worried about Hope…”

            “She’ll be alright… I know that she and Tommy will figure things out. She’s just being stubborn right now like you were.” Justin smiled at me and held me in his arms as the music blasted in the background. What song it was, I didn’t even know and it didn’t matter. The only thing that did was that I was with the love of my life.

            “I’m gonna fucking KILL that bastard!!” I heard the Irish voice scream. Tommy had lost his cool about something and I was afraid to know what it was.

            Pretty soon, Kip was running out from the hallway and Tommy was after him, pulling his pants up as he ran. It was really funny to watch but I held in my laughter as Hope hit Tommy over the head with a wooden spoon.

            I fucking hated wooden spoons!! When I was a kid my Mom was always chasing me and Andrew with them. They hurt like a bitch too! Shit, I felt bad for Tommy.

            “You bastard!! We are done with… so leave me and Kip alone!”

            “We’re not done with, Hope.” Tommy glared at her, still holding up his pants. “You’re acting VERY fucking childish though… so have fun but all you’re succeeding in is making yourself look like an asshole.”

            “FUCK YOU!!” She screamed at him and went to slap him, before she could Kip grabbed her.

            “Mm…baby he’s not even worth our time… when I finish my training as a cage fighter we’ll see how tough he is then!” Kip huffed and held Hope’s hand tightly. “Let’s get out of here.”

            The two of them exited Ricky’s and Tommy ran full speed back to the bathroom. Tommy was right in what he said, the sooner Hope would realize it, the better for her.

**

            “Natalia?” I heard the voice I had been dreading to hear for the last month. I had avoided him as best I could, but I knew I couldn’t do it forever.

            “Hey.. David…” I whispered into the receiver.

            “Are you busy?” He asked me and I yawned.

            “No… you just woke me up though.” I laughed nervously. I was glad I was still living at my Mom’s. If Justin had known that David was calling me he would flip…

            “Ok good… I really need to talk to you…”

            “Can we do it tomorrow? I’m so tired…”

            “That’s the thing, Nat… I’m leaving… I’m gonna go back to Florida…I mean I’m not stupid… I realize it’s over. I just need to see you one last time…”

            I sighed and glanced over at the alarm clock. It was 5 in the morning but I had no choice but to go to David. I got out of bed and rubbed my sleep stricken face.

            “I’ll be at your hotel in an hour…”

Chapter 31

            David Boreanaz sat in his hotel room with a smirk on his face. The tables were about to turn in this deadly game he was playing. Natalia Fuentes would be his…and Justin Timberlake would die, in every possible way, he would die. Emotionally, Spiritually, Physically… David was going to make sure that Justin would pay.

            The crimes that man had committed against David were unforgivable and Justin had to be stopped. David was just the man to do that, even if it meant hurting Natalia in the process. She would forgive him though, because this was for her own good.

            Justin didn’t deserve such a woman. She was perfection in every sense of the word, and she would be his… one way or another she would be his.

            “Justin Timberlake.”

            He had dialed the number and was so engrossed in his thoughts that he hadn’t heard Justin pick up. David just let a smirk cross his face as he listened to the annoyance in Justin’s voice.

            “Hello?!”

            “Yes… Justin… its David.”

            “Why the fuck are you calling me at like 6 am… hell, why the fuck are you calling me at all?” Justin hissed in confusion and anger.

            “I… I found out some disturbing information and I didn’t know who else to turn to… I’m really scared.” David knew he should have fucking won an Oscar for his brilliant performance.

            “You got yourself into trouble? Is that fucking it?  Why the fuck should I hel-“

            “It’s not about me… I’m not in trouble… I don’t know how to say this…” David took a deep breath and exhaled it deeply, just for show. “My friend is a cop… and there’s been a lot of mob action going on… am I right?”

            “I don’t know what you’re talking about…” Justin said suspiciously, he was too damn smart to mention anything about his work to anyone, especially David.

            “Your not listening to me… he found out there next move… they’re going to go after Natalia…”

            “WHAT?! How the fuck do you know?! You better tell me everything you fucking know or I’ll fucking kill you!!!” He screamed through the receiver.

            All David could do was shake his head in disgust. What a vulgar man. What could Natalia possibly see in that low life?

            “You think I want her to die?! I’m scared too!! Just get to my damn hotel room.. I’m staying at the Plaza… I’m in Penthouse 1. I’ll give you all the plans… but hurry because they are going to try to assassinate her today at 3 when she leaves work.” The words came out so naturally for him. David had planned and rehearsed this all so many times in his head.

            Natalia would be rid of Justin after today.

            “This better not be a trick…”

            “Just get here Justin!! We don’t have a lot of time to save her!!”

            The phone disconnected and David smirked to himself. This was perfect, he was going to break Justin little by little. David would show that he was not only the eldest son of Larry Lopez, but he would be the greatest leader of the Lopez Crime Family. He would take over the Ryan-Timberlake territory and make his Drug Empire the best there ever was.

            His only living brother, AJ, would laugh at him and say that David was weak and a horrible leader, but this victory would prove him wrong.

            What was going to make it even sweeter was that Natalia would be his bride, whether she knew it now or not, she’d be his.

            David Boreanaz Lopez was going blow everyone away.

**

            I stepped out of my car, letting the valet take it away. I didn’t know how to feel about David going back to Florida, I didn’t know how to feel about being done with him. I knew I had Justin and things were better but I couldn’t help the pangs of guilt that stung at me.

            David had moved his life to New York to help me, and I repaid him by ignoring him. I really was a fucking bitch and selfish.

            I made my way inside the hotel and over to the elevators. This would be my last time in his hotel room… my last time seeing him possibly. God, David had been so good to me… how could I do this to him?

            “Natalia… I’m happy to see you.” David stood by the entrance to the elevator to greet me. All I could do was smile weakly.

            “I am too.”

            This was going to be beyond awkward, I could feel it already.

            “Come in… I was just doing some packing… “ He motioned to an opened bedroom door to which I saw a half packed suitcase sitting on his bed. I felt myself start to tear up but I had to compose myself. I couldn’t let myself look like a crying fool.

            “David, I’m so sorry for everything…”

            David had begun walking to his room, only to turn around and look at me with a sad smile. My heart broke for him and I felt myself wander to the thoughts of a life we could have together. A nice normal life out of the mafia…

            “Hey don’t worry about it… the better man won…”

            “Don’t say that…”

            “But it’s true, Natalia…just answer one question for me… did you care about me at all, even in the slightest, or was I just used because you didn’t want to think of Justin?”

            “I cared for you and I still do!”

            “Bullshit.” He answered and began throwing clothes into his suitcase. “I did and still do love you… goddamnit I would have taken your kids as my own! It just serves me right.”

            “Don’t talk like that, David. I did have feelings for you but it was hard for me!! I hadn’t even been divorced… everything was rushed!” I said frantically, I was about ready to cry and rip my hair out.

            “That’s no excuse for playing with my heart.”

            “I know it isn’t and I’m sorry.”

            “You’re not sorry… you’re with Justin now and happy…everything worked out perfectly for you. You had your plan and I was never in it.” David spoke so coldly that it caused me to shake. I had played one too many games and hurt someone I had never intended to… I was a horrible person.

            “David please… that’s not true…”

            He paused and stared at me, examining my tear stained face. Slowly he walked over to me and ran an ice cold hand down my face.

            “We could have had something so perfect… we still can… say the word and I won’t leave.”

            I looked up at him in shock. How could he be putting this all on me? That was not fair! Swallowing hard, I was left speechless.

            “You have nothing to say? You don’t care if I stay or go, is that it?” He spoke coolly, leaving me a mess.

            “You can’t ask me to make that decision… you make this seem so difficult but I have two children that need their father!” I almost yelled.

            “Just like I said before…” David looked at me with such anger and then turned away. “You had your plans.”

            “I did not have an agenda! David, please don’t hate me… you just can’t expect me to make such a decision for you.” I said, feeling resistance start to break.

            Everyone always used to say how emotionally strong I was when I was younger. I guess it was because I always held my emotions in, and now I was weak and would explode at the slightest thing. Lessons learned, it’s not good to bottle things up, although I wished I could do so at that moment.

            “I wish you would make that decision… I wish I could be with you, Nat.”

            “It’s not that I don’t wanna be with you, David…”

            “THEN WHAT IS IT?!” He interrupted me with a fury. “Don’t feed me that bullshit about the twins needing a father because I would have been one for them.” Stalking towards me once more, he seductively ran a soft but cold hand down my face. “Am I that undesirable to you?”

            “N-no.” I stuttered, knowing that I was becoming putty in his hands. This was not fair, he was using his sexuality to seduce me… I should have been angry but I wanted it… I wanted him.

            “Did I not please you?” David’s hands clutched my hips and I felt as if I was floating towards him. My breathing was increasing and all I could do was stare at him with my mouth agape. “Did I not make you cum hard enough?”

            “…Th-that’s not it…” I barely got the words out, almost letting out a moan as I spoke.

            “Then why don’t you want me, Natalia?” He whispered the words into my neck and pulled my body against his, his erection nestled into my stomach and I stupidly stood staring at him.

            “I do want you…”

            As soon as I spoke those words his lips crashed against mine. Every thought of Justin was out of my mind… he seduced me and I didn’t even mind! I was manipulated and played but what was I going to do.

            I have come to find that we are nothing but animals, we as a race are mostly selfish and concerned with our own personal gain… our passions. We are ruled by our passions, our needs, our desires.

            We act on the moment, on our impulses. I am but human and make mistakes. This would be a mistake I knew I was going to regret, it would change everything and possibly fuck up my life, but I didn’t care at that time.

            All that concerned me was my own need, and it was David. He had intoxicated me and I needed him.

            Kissing him in a whirlwind of desire, our shirts came off and his suitcase was flung off the bed, so I could be thrown on it. He clawed at my sweats, ripping them off along with my panties in one simple action.

            He fumbled with his pants, unbuckling them and pulling them off as if his life depended on it. They were off, a condom was on and he was inside me within 2 minutes flat.

            “I missed this… oh God… I missed this…” He moaned through the kisses, pumping his cock away.

            As much as I had wanted it, I kissed him with eyes opened and stared up at the ceiling, it didn’t feel right. Something was missing with David, I didn’t feel the spark I felt with Justin.

            Justin… I was betraying him… cheating… I was… oh God.

            “God… yess…. Uhh…”

            Oh I wanted this to be over. I wanted to be out of that room…I faked an orgasm, hoping it would get him to hurry up and finish.

            “Uhnn yes… oh David!!” I moaned. It did feel good, I couldn’t lie but I was feeling too guilty to enjoy the sex. I was a terrible person.

            David didn’t hurry up as I thought he would, he just continued to fuck me with his face in my tits. Damn me for having a conscience.

            Ding.

            “What was that?” I snapped out of my thoughts upon hearing a bell. David just shrugged and moaned.

            “Who cares… FUCK… Natalia!! Shit… I’m gonna cum!!” He practically yelled out.

            “Yeah.. uhh … me tooo… mmm.“ I lied and stared up at the skylight. The sky was so pretty…

            “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!”

            That voice made me freeze. I think a part of me died at that moment. I knew who was there but I couldn’t handle seeing him. I fucked up.

            “Justin..” David pulled his pants on so fast, leaving me lying on the bed still with legs open.

            OH GOD!! I jumped upon realization and pulled the blanket around me, still not able to look at him.

            “I can’t fucking believe you..” His voice made my heart break. When I finally looked up at him, I saw his eyes glistening with tears, his voice was the weakest I had ever heard it. “My angel no more…”

            He was on the elevator down within seconds and I threw my clothes on as quick as I could. I had to go after him. Oh God… I felt like him now. I understood him after he had cheated on me with Paris… although I had no excuse, I wasn’t under any influence like he was.

            I was a common whore.

            “NATALIA! Don’t you dare fucking go after him!!” David hissed at me. I ignored him and jetted into an elevator out of that hotel.

            **

            He was walking through the parking lot, disoriented when I caught up to him. I didn’t know what to say at first so I just followed him, sobbing silently.

            Justin was ripping at his hair, he walked up to his Mercedes truck and kicked the hell out of his tires and door. The car was dented beyond belief and I just stood watching feeling so guilty that it was disgusting.

            “Justin…” I said his name so low that I thought he wouldn’t hear me… but he did. He turned around to face me looking a million different emotions. I took a deep breath and continued. “I’m sorry… it just happened.”

            “FUCK YOU.” He interjected.

            I just looked down and before I knew it, his back was to me and his fist was through the thick bulletproof glass window of his Mercedes. The crash and car alarm took me by surprise and I jumped backwards, knowing Justin’s anger was not something I enjoyed but I felt like I deserved the brunt of it.

            I hated myself. I wanted him to kill me.

            “How could you fucking do this to me?!” He exclaimed suddenly. “Was this some plot of revenge? You sick fucking bitch.”

            “No… I really didn’t mean for it to happen… David told me he was going back to Flor-“

            “I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THE DISGUSTING DETAILS!!!” He screamed at me. I just looked down at the floor in silence.

            “I hate you for this.” His words cut through me like a knife.

            He had never said he hated me and that was the worst I could ever hear because I knew he spoke the truth. I trembled, feeling as if I would collapse.

            “I’m s-s-s-sorry…” I struggled with my words.

            “FUCK YOU. This is it… this is fucking over.., you made your fucking choice… you want David… you can fucking have him. That was a fucking SHITTY way of letting me know!! YOU FUCKING BITCH!!” His hand met my cheek and I flew to the floor, my legs scratched from the hard asphalt.

            Justin had never hit me… ever. I think I was shocked that he laid a hand on me… but I knew I deserved it. I deserved this and much more. I wished he would kill me. I wanted to die for what I had done… for how I had made him feel… for how I had fucked things up.

            “I don’t want him…”

            “Haha.. right… that’s why you were moaning like a porn star and let him fuck the shit out of you. GODDAMNIT!! How fucking dumb was I?!” Justin yelled.

            “I… I never used you… I never … wanted to not be… w-w-ith you.” I sobbed through my words, only making him laugh bitterly and shake his head at me.

            “You’ve always wanted a divorce… oh your fucking getting it, you stupid cunt. You’ll be hearing from my mother fucking lawyer.” He stared at me with hate, a look I had never received from Justin. It made me want to be sick. “And don’t think of trying to take the twins from me…You will NOT deprive me of my flesh and blood. Don’t try the running away bullshit either, I’m sick of it.”

            “I need to go.. I’m gonna fucking kill you if I don’t…” He said coldly and got in his car. I climbed to my feet, weakly and watched him drive away, not looking at me.

            I fucked up my life, my children’s lives… I was horrible. I stood shaking and the temperature fell, bringing on a snowstorm. In that, I collapsed to the ground of the parking lot.

Chapter 32

            Justin had been driving for hours along the countryside, he had no idea how he had gotten there from New York City, but the presence soothed him. How could his angel, the love of his life, the woman he’d do anything for, tear his heart out like that?

            He finally pulled over to the side of the road in his banged up automobile and let his head rest on his steering wheel. Natalia claimed she was sorry, but was she actually sorry? He doubted it.

            They had been fucking fixing things… they were better!! What the hell happened?! Justin wanted to scream and let it out but all he could do was sit in his car and listen to the sounds of “What Happened To Us?” by Hoobastank. The words related to how he felt towards her and their relationship, in a strange way it made him feel close to her.

            His cell phone had rang so many times… he knew everyone had found out. Didn’t they realize that he needed to be alone? He didn’t want to be bothered by anyone.

            “Why, my angel… why?” He asked aloud, as if she could hear him… but she couldn’t. He was sure that she was back in bed with David anyway.

            The thought crumbled his heart and made him sick to his stomach, before he knew it, the door to his car was opened and he was heaving on the side of the road. He was a broken man and Justin hated it.

            Thoughts plagued him and he couldn’t understand anything. Natalia had been enough woman for him and he didn’t need another woman. Sure he had slept with Paris once, but he didn’t even fucking remember it!!

            That could be even constituted as rape… but that wasn’t the point. The point was, shouldn’t he have been all Natalia needed?

            “WHAT?” He grabbed the cell phone that hadn’t stopped ringing as he reentered his car.

            “J… you alright?” JC came through the speaker, which only made Justin angrier. He was sure Natalia put him up to this…no more games.

            “Oh never better… just happy to have gotten the trash out of my life.”

            “Dude… I….”

            “Whatever man… I don’t give a shit anymore…  but yeah I’m busy now… gotta take care of some shit and live up my new found bachelor life…”

            “Don’t give me that shit… I know you and I know how you feel about her… you’re not okay right now.” JC’s words irritated him further. He hated his best friend’s assumptions.

            “Josh… I don’t get involved in your non-existent relationship with Savannah, so stay the fuck out of the end of mine.” Justin said harshly, a little too harshly in fact.

            “I just wanted to be there for you man… and fuck you because you don’t even know what the fuck is going on with me and Annah!!”

            “WHATEVER…JUST STAY OUT OF MY LIFE!! I NEED A FRIEND NOT A FUCKING THERAPIST RIGHT NOW!!!” Justin was shaking from anger and took a deep breath. “When you feel like being a friend and listening… give me a call…until then… don’t call me again.”

            He hung up the phone and stared at the road blankly. If he could talk to Natalia without freaking out on her, all he would want to ask was “why?” He didn’t want a bullshit excuse either, He wanted the truth.

            But there was no point anymore… it was over and he was left broken, he was half the man he used to be and it was all her fault.

**

            “Sweetie…?” Ricky was staring at me when I awoke in a warm bed. I stayed quiet, just examining Ricky’s face before feeling the stinging in my own. I raised my hand to my cheek and whimpered in pain.

            Everything was so clear now.

            “It wasn’t a dream… was it?” I said with an ache in my chest. I think I literally felt my heart breaking in two.

            “I don’t know what happened… all I know… is that people saw you fight with Justin… and he drove away and you collapsed. Some of Justin’s men found you and brought you here.”

            “I cheated on him…”

            “With David?” Ricky asked, only receiving a dull nod from me.

            My mind scream whore, that’s what Ricky thought of me, that’s what Justin knew I was. I was blank, just lost on my thoughts with my best friend watching me in silence.

            “Do you want to talk?”

            I shook my head and swallowed hard. This was it, it was over and I couldn’t understand why I just didn’t shut off my cell phone the previous night. If I only wouldn’t have answered my phone.

            “I’m here for you, Natalia… I love you.” Ricky placed a kiss on un-bruised cheek and watched me with concern.

            I just lay mute and motionless. I had brought this on myself, fucked up my marriage, lost the man I loved…all because I couldn’t keep my pants on… all because I was horrible.

            It didn’t even bother me that he slapped me, when normally I would have flipped out. I do not condone any sort of physical violence of a husband to a wife. I lived in a home with domestic abuse and I would never want that for anyone, let alone myself. In a sick way I felt like I deserved it.

            My punishment and I deserved worse. I knew it, but I didn’t have the strength to go find Justin so he could administer it. I just mentally berated myself.

            Ricky climbed into bed with my and wrapped his arm around me comfortingly. I still didn’t move or say a word and neither did he. I didn’t deserve him as a friend.

**

            “She’s not good…”

            After Natalia had fallen asleep, JC had called to let Ricky know that he had gotten in touch with Justin. They were both updating the other on the ex-couple’s status.

            “J is hostile… he called me every name in the book… he’s made me into his verbal punching bag.” JC sighed.

            “At least he’s talking, Nat stared at a wall for two hours before falling asleep. She’d cry every once in a while but never speak to me… and if she spoke it was one word answers or a nod.”

            “Oh God… I’m really worried for the both of them…”

            “Me too…all I know is that there’s more then meets the eye to this all.” Ricky rubbed his forehead and paced back and forth outside of Natalia’s bedroom. He couldn’t leave her alone, he was too afraid of what she would do.

            Ricky knew Natalia better than anyone did, he knew that when she was ready she would talk… but he was not sure of how she would cope. She had dangerous ways of making herself “okay.”

            “I know. Something isn’t clicking. I just don’t trust that David dude. Tommy and I hired Chris Kirkpatrick, a private investigator, to get the dirt on him. We haven’t told Justin anything yet though… and I don’t think we should.”

            “I agree. He has enough to deal with right now.”

            “But I will let you know what my suspicion is. My stomach is telling me that David is connected to the Lopez family.” JC explained, speaking into the blue tooth connection in his car.

            He had been driving, trying to locate Justin. Josh knew that his best friend might have not wanted him around, but that wasn’t going to change him keeping an eye on him.

            “The Lopez’s? Shit…”

            “Yeah… I’ll explain it more to you in person… but just a lot of things aren’t clicking and there are too many coincidences.”

            “Even if you’re wrong, it’s never bad to be too careful.”

            “Exactly!” JC shouted. “Tommy thinks I’m crazy but I know I’m on to something. Anyway, I think I’ve found Justin so let me talk to you later, Rick.”

            “Okay… you just be careful and take care of him.”

            “I will. You take care of Nat, later dude.” JC hung up the phone and turned off his cars engine. He was parked behind Justin’s truck and sighed. This was going to be a feat in itself.

**

            Justin had just been sitting in his car, contemplating the last few years of his life. He had been happy, even through the dangers that he had to face. Loving Natalia and having a family made him feel complete…

            But it was like that damn Hoobastank song went, “It was too good to be true.” The odds had been against them from the start and Justin could have sworn that they’d make it through anything.

            What the fuck happened then?!

            “Justin?”

            Wiping his eyes, he looked up startled and came to see JC standing outside the door of his car. Goddamnit, was it too much for him to ask to be alone?

            “How did you find me?”

            “Dumb luck.” JC half smiled. “I thought I could lend you an ear.”

            “I don’t feel like talking… just ripping a certain David Boreanaz’s dick off that he fucked my wife with.”

            “Sounds like a plan, I just want to make him eat his own balls… that would be cool and kind of gross… but painful.”

            “Eat his balls?” Justin laughed softly and it brought joy to JC. He had made his best friend laugh during such a hard time in his life, he really felt as if he accomplished something great. Maybe because of this Justin would open up to him. “I like your thinking… sinister!”

            Justin unlocked the door to his car and JC climbed into the passenger side. Justin’s smile had faded and all that was left was the most anguished expression Josh had ever seen.

            “You know me… I’m evil and all that good shit.” Josh desperately tried to lighten the mood again but all he received was a fake smile from Justin.

            “You’re a good friend, C… I don’t deserve it.”

            “Yes you do…man, you’ve always been there for me and Tommy… you do deserve good friends.”

            “I just… I wanna scream, ya know? I just wanna know why? Why wasn’t she happy with me? I really was trying to make it all better… but nothing is fucking good enough for her…” Justin was on the verge of crying but held it in.

            “I don’t wanna be a dick, but you were trying so hard to make her happy… but were you?”

            “Yeah… I was. The thought of having the only woman to understand me…I mean Natalia doesn’t even know the half of my past, but she got me, or so I thought. Was it all bullshit? Dude, was she just phoney all this time?”

            “I don’t think she was insincere, I think she’s got issues though. I don’t know why she did what she did but it was a stupid. She fucked up… but do we even know why she did what she did?”

            “What do you mean?” Justin looked at JC with hope in his eyes. There could be a chance that his angel was still his angel and he was treasuring that.

            “Maybe David did something… all I know is that I don’t trust the fucker. I mean I doubt Natalia would ever cheat on you willingly…”

            “I don’t know… before we were married she kissed her ex Dylan when we were dating. I’m just afraid, like how fucking long has this been going on behind my back? I’m afraid of what the goddamn answer is gonna be…” Justin professed with sadness.

            “We’re gonna get to the bottom of this… you just need to be okay….”

            “I will… I just need to keep my mind off her.” Justin let out a short laugh. “That’s going to be hard though, she’s my obsession. I’m like a fucking teenager when it comes to her.”

            “I know man… I know. I feel that way with Savannah, but she doesn’t understand… she doesn’t know…”

            “Know what?”

            “Eh… I shouldn’t be burdening you with my crap.”

            “Dude, you just listened to me bitch about Natalia, I think you can open up to me for a minute about what’s bothering you.”

            “I’m just… afraid that marriage is gonna fuck everything up. I see that everyone married and they’re all in shambles… no offense.”

            “None taken.”

            “Yeah… there’s so much more to it and I sound like a pussy right now. I just… I’m afraid I’m not gonna be what she wants. Annah’s been through so much, does she deserve better than me?”

            “Why the fuck are you putting yourself down? You and Savannah are perfect for each other… marriages work through compromise and communication. My wife and I are both stubborn and we haven’t followed that advice, that’s where we went wrong.”

            “Communication? Sounds like we both need to do that.” Josh smiled at Justin who just stared out the window.

            “Fuck yeah, man, fuck yeah.”

**

            David stood at the foot of his father and brother’s graves, Lorenzo “Larry” Lopez and Orlando Bloom Lopez. He placed an arrangement of white roses before them and wiped a stray tear that fell.

            Each of the three Lopez children each had a different mother and to keep fit, the father kept their mother’s last names. Larry Lopez liked how it was done in Europe and kept the idea going for his three sons, David Boreanaz Lopez, Orlando Bloom Lopez and AJ McLean Lopez.

            Both should have been alive today, but were murdered by the hands of those bastards. The Ryan-Timberlake Family.

            “I will avenge you.” David whispered, just as his brother AJ walked over to him.

            “Yeah, you better avenge them. This fucking plan of yours better work.” AJ hissed.

            “Haven’t you ever heard of respect for the dead?” David looked at his brother with annoyance.  AJ always thought he was better than David and always put him down.

            “Dad knows I respect him.”

            “Whatever.”

            “I hate this waiting around shit. I wanna kill someone already. I’m getting antsy sitting around Florida while you’re gallivanting around New York banging Timberlake’s wife.” A dirty smirk grew on AJ’s face. “Although I wouldn’t mind fucking her. She’s hot as hell.”

            “Shut the fuck up… she’s going to be your future sister in law so hands fucking off.”

            “Alright, chill. Just let me kill the babies. It’ll be like an eye for an eye… he killed Dad’s son so we kill his son, and he killed Dad so we kill him.”

            David just shook his head in disgust at his brother and walked over to his car. AJ just followed, looking amused.

            “You do know that Chasez killed Orlando, not Timberlake… right?”

            “Yeah he’ll die too… I still wanna kill the kids though… right in front of Timberlake. Watch the little bitch cry.” AJ cackled, only causing David to shake his head.

            “You’re one twisted fuck.”

            “Yeah, I know…”

Chapter 33

            “GOOD MORNING!!” Ricky yelled and opened up the drapes to the bedroom I had been asleep in for three days straight. The light flooded the room and I groaned loudly.

            “Five more minutes.” I stuck my head under the covers, only to have them pulled off me.

            “You’re ruining the chi of my apartment. Go take a shower and get out of bed. Stop fucking sulking.”

            “What the fuck, Ricky?! My marriage is fucking over… what am I supposed to be doing?!”

            “Why don’t you try explaining what happened and getting him back?!” Ricky crossed his arms over his chest and stared at me in defiance. “I am not going to sit by and watch my best friend waste away!!”

            I put my head in my hands, knowing that Ricky was right. I did need to talk to Justin. What the fuck could I say to him though? Would it even be an obtainable task? I doubted it. I’d probably be wasting my breath.

            “Stop being a stubborn little bitch and fucking call him.” A portable phone was placed in my hands and I looked at it as if it was an object I had never seen before.

            In all honesty, I was terrified to call Justin. I didn’t want to see him cry because of me, and most of all I didn’t want any more confirmation that my marriage was over.

            “Do you even care that your children miss you? Stop being a spoiled brat!! You fucked up but it’s not the end of the world!”

            “Do you have to be so harsh?” I hissed at him and wiped the tears that stung my cheeks.

            He was absolutely right, I hadn’t thought of my kids, I was just so fucking absorbed in my own self pity that I hadn’t even given a second thought to my babies. They were supposed to be my first priority!

            “Someone has to knock the sense into you, I figured it’d be the best for the job.” Ricky sat next to me on the bed and pulled me into a tight embrace. “I love you, Nat, but this is unhealthy and you have to get a grip.”

            “I’m afraid to talk to him.”

            “I know… but it has to be done.” A reassuring smile along with a kiss on the cheek was sent my way. “I’ll be with you the entire time. You need to call.”

            I looked down at the phone in my hand and took a deep breath. I dialed the familiar numbers and shook as I lifted the phone to my ear.

            It felt like the ringing would go on forever, and I hoped it wouldn’t. How could I speak to him after what I had done? I wasn’t worthy of Justin.

            “Hello?”

            I heard his voice for the first time in days and went to hang up the phone. I couldn’t do this. Before I could end the call, Ricky grabbed my arm and placed the phone back to my ear.

            “….Justin….hi….” I managed out through hyperventilating

“Natalia?”

“Yeah… uhm I’m really sorry to be calling you and bothering you and you can totally hang up on me at anytime, which I bet you’re going to do because I’m a complete fuck up. We all totally mess up sometimes but I was just royally and utterly wrong and-” I rambled on which caused Ricky to elbow me in the ribs and an “ow” was drawn out of me. “I just uhm… wanted to know if we could talk.”

Silence met me and I was sure that he had hung up on me. I wanted to cry more than anything because my marriage was over; this was just more proof of it.

“I guess.”

A ray of sunshine hit me and a smile crossed my face. He had wanted to talk? This was a step towards the right path, right? Maybe not but the false hope helped me to calm down.

“Really?”

“Yeah… uh I guess you’re at Ricky’s… I’ll stop by later…”

“That’d be nice.”

“Alright then, I’ll see you later tonight.” Justin hung up the phone, and my next step was to go see my kids. I had to make sure they were alright; I needed to be a good mom.

Sure I wasn’t a good wife, but I swore I’d be a good mother to the twins. They needed me and god be damned if I wasn’t going to be there for them. I was over being selfish… for the time being at least…

**

“You are a hypocrite.” Tommy stood in the doorway of Justin’s hotel room and uttered the words which made Justin look up from his glass of rum.

“And why exactly am I a hypocrite?”

“You’re angry at Natalia for the same reasons she should be angry at you.”

“What? For cheating? Excuse fucking me, but I do believe I was drugged when the Paris incident happened. Natalia lied to me and did it on her own free accord! She had been sleeping with him for months from what I fucking heard!” Justin exclaimed, boiling with anger and clutching his cup of rum tightly.

“It’s not cheating I’m speaking about.”

Tommy walked into the room and poured himself a shot and greedily downed it. Justin just watched in mute fascination and curiosity.

“Then enlighten me on what you are speaking about.”

“Natalia was keeping a secret you say? She lied to you, you say? I do believe you have your own secrets and your own set of lies which you have been feeding her for 4 years now.”

“Sometimes it’s necessary to have secrets.” Justin stiffened and pulled at the collar of his shirt which suddenly seemed so confining.

“Maybe it was necessary for her to have this secret as well.”

“Fuck you, I think my secrets are different than this. She was fucking cheating on me, and I mean it didn’t constitute as cheating a few months back when we weren’t together … and fuck I get what your saying, but this last week or whenever the fuck it was… it was just unacceptable.”

“Have you ever considered that she may think your secrets are just as unacceptable?”

“Those secrets don’t concern or pertain to her. She doesn’t need to know.” Swallowing down the rest of his rum, Justin glared at his Irish best friend. “And so help me God, Tommy, don’t open your mouth about the past.”

“I never said I was, I was just making an observation.” Tommy’s shot glass was set down on the table and he headed towards the doorway. “I was just wondering how you would feel if she found out your secret and acted the way you are.”

“Well… besides adding for the tenth time that my secret has nothing to do with her and she has absolutely no right to freak out if she ever found it out, which she never will.” Justin paused and stared straight at Tommy. “Besides, didn’t she overreact about the Paris incident?”

“That is true.”

“Yes, and enough of this damn subject. There’s business to attend to… one of my best was killed last night. The death of Martin Rochester will not go unnoticed. The Lopez’s are back and finally out of hiding, it’s time to make our move.”

“What do you suggest?” JC asked and walked into the sitting room with Trace Ayala at his side.

“What do I suggest?” A grin formed on Justin Timberlake’s face, a grin which would frighten the devil himself. “I suggest we have some fun… a shipment of cocaine, weed…and all that fun stuff is coming tonight at Chelsea Pier. A shipment for the Lopez family, but which will go to us. What I suggest is an ambush.”

“All that for a lousy shipment?” Trace looked irritated but Justin’s hand went up in the air, silencing him.

“Oh, it’s no lousy shipment… there’s family on that boat, my dear Uncle-in-Law, Eduardo Diaz.”

Tommy and JC instantly looked horrified. That was Natalia’s uncle, the man they despised, but never the less her uncle. JC was the first to protest.

“You can’t be thinking what I think you are…?”

“Killing Eduardo, you mean?” Justin asked.

“Yeah. “ JC nodded, which caused Justin to grin.

“Why of course, that was exactly what I intended.”

“Fuck that. I’m out.” JC crossed his arms and Tommy quickly agreed.

“I’m out too… I’m not as sick and twisted as you to kill Natalia’s fucking uncle.”

“You’ll do as I say.” Justin glared at his two friends and workers who dared to speak against his wishes.

“No I will not do what you say!” JC hissed in anger. “Just because you’re angry and freaking out about your wife doesn’t mean that you have the right to turn us against her!”

“JC’s right, if that’s how quick you are to turn on someone then maybe we should just not be friends or workers, maybe JC and I should join up with the Lopez’s.” Tommy said defiantly. Justin looked shocked as did JC but Trace just watched with brightened curiosity.

“This has nothing to do with a vendetta against Nat or paying her back for cheating on me. This has to do with Eduardo being a nuisance.”

“Like hell it does!!” Tommy practically screamed, JC grabbed his shoulder in a calming manner and did the only thing he could think of, he thought of a compromise. The situation at hand needed soothing and he could possibly be the only one to do it.

“I have a plan…”

**

A knock on the door sounded Justin’s arrival. I nervously stood up from my place on Ricky’s couch and hurried towards the door. It was still quite early, only about 8ish on a beautiful but cold December night.

The Christmas season was about, but I felt not so Christmassy.  I was missing my other half and I couldn’t very well be happy when my life was turned upside down. Christmas was supposed to be about happiness, family and togetherness, not a time for a family to be tearing apart. (The season was also supposed to be about Jesus but I’m not a good Christian, so sue me! :P)

“Hey.” He said plainly as I opened the door and came face to face with the striking man that was once and in the literal sense still was, my husband.

“Hey... uhm come in…” I stepped aside and let him enter.

“So uh you wanted to talk?” He had gotten straight to the point and avoided any gaze at me which was longer than necessary.

“Yeah…” I led him over to the couch and started to feel myself hyperventilate. “I just wanted to talk about what happened…”

“It’s in the past.” Justin waved his hand, as if physically dismissing the topic.

“Really?” The shock was evident in my voice. I really hadn’t expected to receive a response like that from Justin. I had expected us to talk for hours and not even get anywhere but things to be able to mend. I hadn’t expected things to already be mended when he got there.

“Yeah, I don’t hate you… we have kids and I think we can act civilly towards each other. We are adults after all.”

“I’m just confused… last time I spoke to you… you hated me and were pissed off… what brought on this change?”

“Well… it’s not what but who.”

“Who?”

Had someone spoken to Justin on my behalf? I wanted to hug whoever it was and shower them in whatever jewel or treasure they desired. They were in fact, my salvation.

“I met an amazing woman, Carina, when I was upset and it was like she changed my complete view of everything. She put together the pieces of my broken heart. Carina is really a unique and wonderful person. I’d love for you to meet her.”

What the fuck was he talking about?

“That’d be nice. She seems like a great girl.”

“Oh she is, and beautiful, that’s how I first noticed her. I was drinking away my sorrows at this bar and she just walked in and the whole room was like glowing after her arrival.” Justin was smiling and his next words brought my fears to life and broke my heart. “You know how I used to say you were my angel? This girl is like really an angel, she’s celestial and perfect… like after all this happened I thought I was destined for misery for the rest of my life but Carina just spoke to me and enlightened me and god I think I could love her.”

I listened to him gush on about this Carina while I thought of ways to kill her. It was the only way I could keep the tears back and force a somewhat genuine smile. He didn’t need to know I was smiling because I wanted to kill her, really.

“Damnit, I actually have to go meet her for drinks… but yeah the divorce papers are coming along nicely. I was thinking of splitting custody of the twins, 6 months with you and 6 with me… but I have to get going. We’ll talk more about it later.” Justin got up from the couch and headed toward the door. “Later Nat, give the twins a kiss for me.”

I wanted to kill myself, literally, I wanted to die. Fuck killing Carina, she didn’t do anything wrong, she didn’t fuck up, it was all me. I lost control at that moment, went a little mad and in a rage of anger and tears ended up going out to my Lexus RX330 with a bat and taking out my frustrations on it.

I wanted the 400 anyway.

**

“Hey, sorry I’m late.” Justin smiled as he reached The Blarney Stone, a small tavern in which the four men intended to meet up before their work was to be done. Justin usually never did field work of this kind, but this was a personal matter to him. He had to make sure that the job was going to be done correctly.

“We were getting a little worried.” JC looked at his friend in curiosity. “What’s with the big smile?”

“Oh nothing, but Trace you need to do me a favor.”

“Sure. What is it boss?”

“I need you to find a really hot broad named Carina, tell her I’ll pay her whatever she wants; I just need her to do whatever I say… like an actress.” Justin concluded and ordered a bottle of champagne to celebrate their intending victory.

“For tonight? Isn’t that a little last minute?” Tommy inquired.

“Oh no, not for tonight… but for the next time I see Nat. I let her think I have a girlfriend. I may be a sick fuck but that thought really makes me feel better.”

“You’re a real asshole Justin.” JC said with annoyance lacing his voice. “Not too long ago you wanted to believe the best about Natalia and were looking for a way to clear her for this bullshit. Why the fuck do you want to fuck with her head, kidnap and possibly kill her uncle and torture her?”

“I still want her to look for a way to make her mine and perfect again… but until it happens she’s going to pay for being a fucking tramp. It gives me peace of mind.”

“That’s sick. Do consider seeing a psychiatrist.” Tommy rose from the table, rejecting the champagne which was placed down. “Let’s just get this over with now.”

The four men road to the docks in silence, almost all silence except for Trace, who tried to keep up the spirits of the group. The feat was practically impossible but Trace nevertheless tried.

“We’re here boss and waiting for your command.” Lance chirped Justin on his Nextel, it was 5 to 12 and the ship had just arrived at the harbor. The time was perfect to begin the assault.

“Great… at 12 exactly have everyone prepared to attack.” Justin replied and silenced his phone. Each of the men pulled out a gun and looked at one another. “Boys, its Showtime.”

The car was emptied and the men crept in the shadows towards the harbor, where the ship “De La Mar” was quickly being emptied. Justin had calculated that as soon as the gun fire was to occur, Eduardo would run and try to get away. He was not the type of man which cared for physical confrontation; he was more of the type to ruin you from every other prospect.

Many times it was known that he had tried to make it so Justin would lose his fortune and so his business associates would abandon him. Justin wanted revenge on this man.

JC had suggested they kidnap him instead of killing him, Justin would have rathered to see Eduardo’s blood spill onto the ground but it was impossible for that to occur right then. Justin loved his workers, they were his best friends and it would pain him to lose them, so he compromised… for now at least.  JC thought it was possible to “persuade” Eduardo to give information about the Lopez Family. Justin knew that he was right and there could be no better way to bring them down, then from the inside.

Soon enough Eduardo would die… but for now, it was time to focus on the demise of the Lopez Family.

Chapter 34

I watched the snow fall on the concrete ground from the window of Ricky’s apartment. I had made a vow to myself to not panic as I usually would, I would become strong. I would not let myself be the typical Natalia who freaked about the slightest thing…I would totally keep my composure.

So what if Justin had a new girlfriend? I was still the mother of his children… and if he was willing to let me go so quickly, then he wasn’t worth MY time. I mean, if he was willing to give up on us so quickly, it probably meant that he didn’t even have real feelings for me to begin with, right?

The point was, I was not going to let him know I cared, and I was not going to let this horrible occurrence affect me. I knew that I had to make Christmas and New Years the most amazing yet for my babies. I couldn’t be a fair-weather mother to them. They needed me.

Besides that, I needed to focus on my writing. My new year’s resolution was none other than publishing a book or at least speaking to a publishing company. It was imperative that I got my life into perspective… my new life back as Natalia Fuentes.

“Hey… how are you holding up sweetie?” Louis sat next to me on the window seat and I smiled.

“I’m surprisingly okay.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” I received a hug from him and accepted it graciously. ”I was afraid this was going to really hurt you…”

“You know… it would have and probably should have. I know that I messed up terribly… but Ricky shook the sense into me.” I stated and Louis nodded at my words. “Besides that, destroying my car really helped.”

“Haha… I could imagine… taking out all the aggression and anger on something must have been a great therapy.”

“Oh it was… especially because I pictured it as Justin’s new girlfriend.” I beamed innocently, causing my best friend’s boyfriend to laugh.

“You nervous about the day you have to meet her?”

“Oh… I’m dreading it…but whatever, I wish him the best… it’s like karma… what you project into the universe comes back at you… so I’m not gonna wish him or her bad. It’s really not her fault anyway… in the end it’s mine.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Nat.” Louis sent me a lopsided smile. “I’m a firm believer in that whole “everything happens for a reason” spiel. It’s all about fate.”

“Fate is a funny thing. I often wonder what it would be like if mine were different… I wonder how my life would have been if I’d of never met him…”

“I know... sometimes it’s not healthy to wonder too much though. We can’t change the past.”

I knew that. The past was set in stone, as Louis had said… but it would be amazing if we could change it… if we could just go back and fix all our mistakes. That was impossible, but wow… if life were like ‘Back to the Future’ that would be pretty sweet.

“You losers ready to go?” Ricky stepped out of the bedroom that he and Louis shared, dressed handsomely.

“I was thinking of sitting this one out… I don’t want there to be any drama on my behalf…” I said, causing Ricky to huff loudly.

“Justin’s not going to Tommy’s party… Tommy’s mad at him for some reason, and there will be no drama. I will not allow it.”

“Ditto! No drama for once.” Louis squeezed my hand gently. “Please come, and save me from this Christmas Party. Ricky’s all pissy because he didn’t get to throw it.”

“OF COURSE I’M PISSY!! I throw better parties than that Irish bastard!” Ricky crossed his arms and pouted. “I’m the party thrower. I’m really annoyed at Tommy. That was not cool of him!”

“You loser! Get over it.” I laughed and Ricky dragged me up from the window seat, with devilish look in his brown eyes.

“This is why you need to come and save me from being crazy and flipping out! Please??”

“Fine.”

What else could I say but fine? Justin wasn’t going to be there so all would be well. Just a stupid party which would distract me from the on goings of my fucked up life.

**

The party was a success, which was pissing Ricky off to the fullest extent. The whole extravaganza was classy and calm, which was completely different from Ricky’s wild and crazy parties. It was nice to just relax for once, but Ricky still felt that his parties were better and wouldn’t let any of us hear the end of it.

“You guys totally know my Thanksgiving party was better.” Ricky huffed to Louis and I, we just nodded at him and busily sipped our champagne which Tommy was passing out like water.

            The party was filled with dozens of people who I hadn’t ever seen before. They were all dressed lavishly and wearing the most expensive and exquisite jewels I had ever seen. I assumed they were all Mafia connections of Tommy and couldn’t help but smile. He may have not been the leader of the Ryan Crime Family anymore, but he still sure as hell was respected as if he were so. 

            “That’s so fucked up… he has to serve champagne so the people stick around… what a fucking dirtbag!”

            “Rick, would you just shut up? His party is completely different from yours!” I exclaimed in annoyance. “His is nice and yours is better… just let it go.”

            “Whatever.” He grabbed my glass of champagne and downed the whole thing. “Irish bastard.”

            “Wow, Louis, I really envy you, you have the kindest date I’ve ever met.” I said sarcastically.

            “Oh I know… he’s the picturesque of good manners.”

            Ricky just grumbled and shot us both a nasty look before making his way over to the open bar. He was really acting like a child and needed to get over this whole party jealousy thing! It really wasn’t that big a deal… and anyway, wasn’t he the one preaching about letting things go and what not?

            Can we say “hypocrite”?

            “He’s really being a pain in the ass tonight.” I said to Louis and shook my head in disdain. My best friend was really making an ass of himself. “What’s the big deal that he’s not throwing a fucking party?”

            “I don’t know… I guess it makes him feel special or what not. He is taking it a bit too far though, I was hoping at first that he was playing it up but I’m getting the feeling that he’s not and it’s irritating me.”

            “We should so ditch him.” I smirked deviously. “I can totally be your date till he calms down and starts acting like a human being.”

            “HAHA! He’d flip out.” Louis snickered and the two of us glanced over at the bar where Ricky was downing shot after shot of liquor.

            “Well… maybe bad idea… I think we’ll be dragging his drunk ass home tonight.”

            “Ugh… that sounds right… I don’t want to get puked on so I’m gonna go have him calm down with the liquor.” Louis sighed and headed off to the direction of the bar, leaving me to gaze at my surroundings.

            The party was taking place at a small but elegant hall in Manhattan. The floors were of a granite and absolutely breathtaking. The views from the massive windows were something to be envied by all, a perfect view of the water and the Brooklyn Bridge were right at our fingertips.

            I walked to the window, feeling captivated by the view of the snow covered city and the beautiful bridge. The twinkling blue tinted lights of the bridge brought a slight smile to my face. It was as if the blue lights reflected how I was feeling inside, blue and sad, but at the same time shinning on and continuing to be strong, despite the circumstances.

            I just had to keep convincing myself to be strong… that was the key.

            “Not enjoying the party, I see?” The Irish accented voice caused me to turn and come face to face with the man I once feared, Tommy Ryan. He held out a glass of champagne to me and smiled softly. I couldn’t help but to smile in return and take the drink.

            “No… I am enjoying it. It’s very nice…”

            “But you can’t help but think about Justin?”

            “Well…” I was completely caught of guard, I ran a hand through my hair and Tommy laughed.

            “I’m sorry… that was very blunt of me… I just meant to say that I know how you’re feeling, I’m missing Esperanza very much right now.”

            “I guess the two of us messed up pretty badly.” I took a sip of the champagne and glanced back out the window, desperately trying to keep my cool.

            “Maybe we did, but I do believe that it’s being taken a bit too far…”

            “Well… that could be true or it could not… it’s not our decision to have any say in how everything is being handled. The both of us need to be happy for Justin and Hope, they have found happiness, as will we one day.”

            “You really believe it’s the end of you and Justin?”

            “I think so.” I really didn’t want to continue this uncomfortable conversation and I really didn’t want to get emotional. It almost felt like Tommy was purposely doing this. “Let’s just drop the subject… it’s still a fresh wound for me.”

            “I’m sorry.” Tommy apologized and sighed. “I’m just very angry at this whole situation and I’m very angry with Justin as well as Hope…”

            “Yeah… I heard you and J were fighting… can I ask why?”

            “Because I think he’s acting like a baby right now… it could be that I’m being bias because I’m in your position right now… but he’s just being a real jackass right now.”

            I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and curiosity. How exactly was Justin being a jackass and why? I guess by staring at me, Tommy noticed my expression and continued.

            “Let’s just leave it at this, Justin just hasn’t been acting like the nicest of guys lately… to tell you the truth he’s being a little unstable.”

            “Is it because of everything that happened with me and him?”

            “Natalia, don’t ask questions… trust me on this, you don’t want to know the details.” Tommy stated so seriously, the tension of his words caused me to take a big gulp of the champagne. This was the last thing I needed to hear, Justin was back to his psychotic behavior.

            “Typical Timberlake behavior.” I sighed. “Thank God I won’t be a Timberlake for much longer.”

            “Never say never, Nat.” Tommy shrugged and looked over to the front of the hall where a commotion was starting. The two of us gazed with mute curiosity as the unthinkable occurred, our two worst nightmares came bursting through the two French doors which had been closed tightly.

            Hand in hand, Hope walked with Kip. She looked absolutely stunning but at the same time lethal. A devious smile was glued to her face, I turned quickly to look at Tommy but he was too shocked to even react to the situation at hand.

            If Justin had come alone, I would have been fine. I would have ignored him to the best of my ability and smiled graciously when necessary, but it would have been the lesser of two evils. In this fucked up reality, Justin had entered the gala holding the hand of a gorgeous woman, someone I assumed to be Carina.

            “…. I thought you didn’t invite him…” The emotions were evident in the sound of my voice. This was just more proof that Justin had moved on, which caused my already broken heart to crumble all over again.

            “I didn’t… I didn’t even invite Hope…”

            I turned to look at the once Mob Lord who looked about ready to kill and fall to pieces. Thomas Ryan needed comforting as much as I did so I took his hand and administered a gentle squeeze to it. Tommy held my hand softly and just stared ahead at the sight before us.

            “Relax, Tommy… relax…” I whispered to him, he just swallowed hard and stayed silent.

            Hope had caught sight of us and made her way over to us with Kip in tow. I guess Tommy and I were finding comfort in each other. It was kind of nice, although screwed up, that someone else understood what I was going through.

            “Thomas! What an exquisite Christmas Party. I was so happy when I received my invitation!” Hope grinned as she reached us and held up the extravagant white and silver invitation in her hand.

            The two of us knew she was lying and I even started to become angry with Hope. She was taking things way too far and she needed to stop. Fuck, for me to even say something like that you KNOW something’s wrong.

            “Yes, Thank you.” He forced a smile and held my hand tighter. “So glad you both could make it. Natalia, would you come with me to go greet some guests?”

            Haha, Hope hadn’t expected Tommy to keep his composer. This guy was seriously my new role model. His entire demeanor screamed of that old school type of class that you see in the movies. Tommy might have been crazy once upon a time, but he was a gentlemen now and that had to be the sexiest thing ever.

            Holy shit, had I just called Tommy Ryan the sexiest thing ever? Well, he was always sexy, but after this he was just downright amazing.

            “Of course I would.” Tommy and I started to walk away when we spotted our second obstacle, Justin and Carina. “Avoid… avoid that direction….”

            “I’m so sorry, Natalia, I don’t know how they managed to get invitations… I really wanted this party to be nice…”

            “It is very nice… don’t let the crashers ruin it for you.” I looked at him and smiled softly as we tried our best to become cloaked in the sea of people. It was impossible though, because both Justin and Hope were on a mission. They purposely wanted to hurt us.

            “Natalia, Tommy. I’m so glad I could make it tonight. You both look wonderful.” Justin fucking Timberlake, that stupid bastard, was now blocking our path to the exit. I silently cursed God for the luck Tommy and I were having, but plastered on a fake smile.

            “Oh Justin, it’s wonderful to see you too.” I said and Tommy just looked at him blankly.

            “Let me introduce you to my beautiful girlfriend, Carina.” Justin smiled and motioned to the drop dead gorgeous girl standing next to him. She was everything Justin said she would be, and I was insanely jealous, but managed to keep it in. “Carina, this is my ex wife, Natalia… the one I told you about… and my business associate Tommy Ryan.”

            My heart sank at hearing him introduce me as his ex wife. It was just more of a reality check for me and I couldn’t stand it. Tommy just fake smiled at the girl, which made me want to laugh at the irony. Justin’s own best friend was kind of on my side… how amusing.

            Carina was the picture of simple elegance. Her long honey colored hair was cascading down her shoulders in curls and her caramel skin seemed to glow. That bitch, I wished I could like her to find out what kind of moisturizer she used!

            “It’s wonderful to meet the both of you, I’ve heard a lot about you from Justin.” Carina smiled, and I felt the urge to throw up. She was perfect and I was no match for her.

            “As have I, you have made Justin very happy.”

            How I wasn’t in tears, I don’t know but I was very proud of myself.

            “Yes, well, Natalia and I were going to go greet some guests, but I’m sure that we’ll see you guys after we are done. Enjoy the party.” Tommy smiled, still clutching my hand, and we headed to a secluded corner of the room, both reeling from the bconfrontations with our exes.

            “The two of them have some nerve coming here uninvited.” I huffed and crossed my arms. “Especially bringing Carina the Cunt and Kip the small dicked weakling.”

            “I know… I’m just so angry…. Haha but he has a small dick?”

            “I don’t know!! I was just insulting them!” I had to laugh, the pent up frustration I was feeling about the situation gave me no other choice. I was belting out laughter which caused Tommy to laugh as well.

            Everyone surrounding us must have thought that we were insane, which we probably were at that point. Minutes passed and our laughter finally ceased, I wiped a stray tear that fell after laughing so hard and smiled at Tommy.

            “You can leave you know… no need to stay and endure this disaster of an evening.” Tommy sighed. I reached over and grabbed his hand once again.

            “If you have to stay and deal with this, then so do I.”

            “Natalia… are you sure?”

            “Yeah… completely sure.” I squeezed his hand gently, before letting go and winking at him. “Let’s go and mingle with your guests now.”

            “You are bloody amazing, Natalia.”

            “I know.”

Chapter 35

            Justin held the hand of his date, but still kept his attention on his beautiful estranged wife. He loved that woman more than anything in the world, but she had shattered his heart along with his trust for her. There was no way to repair that.

            “Natalia is very beautiful.” Carina spoke up from her glass of champagne. This just caused Justin to laugh bitterly.

            “Did you expect any less?”

            “No… but I still think she is a fool for hurting you.”

            “Yes. I suppose she is.”

            He eyed her as she gracefully walked arm and arm with Tommy. His fallen angel, Natalia looked absolutely celestial in her flowing champagne colored gown. Her perfect curves were accented by the dress, which only made Justin stand there and undress her with his eyes. He imagined her body, the one he had seen time and time again, but still desired with every fiber of his being.

            How could someone so beautiful be capable of such damage?

As he finally ripped his gaze away from her, Justin looked at Carina and smiled. Carina would help Natalia pay for hurting him. He’d break her as she broke him.

            “I’ll get us another drink.” Carina said awkwardly, but Justin grabbed her arm and smiled.

            “I have a better idea, dance with me?”

            “I’d love to.” Carina beamed at Justin and took hold of his hand.

            The two made their way to the ball room floor, but Justin still could only think of one thing; his revenge. His sick obsession with revenge had twisted his view on life and seeing Natalia right in front of him smiling as if nothing had happened made his blood boil. Justin just couldn’t understand how she was not crying and begging for his forgiveness as she would have before.

            Had Natalia changed that much? Had she really found a new lover in David?

            Justin narrowed his eyes at the thought of that filth. He’d never forget how that bastard had his hands all over the woman that belonged to him. What infuriated him the most though, was the fact that Tommy had been turning his back against him. Tommy and Justin were supposed to be best friends… brothers!! It was inconceivable that he was being so childish about the situation and being so cruel as to not even bother to invite him to his Christmas party.

            Whatever the case, Justin decided to play up the love act with Carina. Of course, she was a sweet and downright beautiful girl, even better was that she was good in bed. But when it came down to it, she still wasn’t Natalia.

            His Natalia was a one of kind woman, and in reality, he hated having to punish her for this, but it was what she deserved. Justin couldn’t very well just take her back after what she had done… well maybe he could but not until she paid for what she did to him.

            And she would.

**

            “So I think I have a permanent smile stuck on my face.” I joked to Tommy whose arm I had been glued to the entire night.

            “Haha… I know. I kind of feel like the joker.” Tommy replied, causing me to giggle. I don’t know if it was all the champagne I had consumed, but I was actually starting to have fun and not feel so completely nervous. “

“You know what… I’m actually having a good time with you tonight… who knew the once terrifying Thomas Ryan could be a sweetheart.” I pinched his cheek and caused him to laugh.

            “Of course I’m a sweet heart… Jesus, Mary and Joseph! How could you ever think differently of me?” He joked.

“Well besides that truth I also think it’s because we’re successfully avoiding Justin and Hope. Cheers to that!” I sipped some of my champagne and Tommy just laughed.

            “They’re both like the plague.”

            Justin was most definitely the plague in my eyes. I was certain that the entire night he had been deliberately trying to hurt me by kissing or holding Carina every time I looked in their direction. What that night made me more certain of was that Justin may have liked Carina, but he still loved me. Even through his hate and anger, he still cared for me.

            By knowing that, I decided to hurt him right back by pretending that everything he did was none of my concern. I smiled falsely and acted as if my life was perfect. This might sound completely sick, but I even pretended that Tommy was Justin and we were arm and arm, together again.

            But I mean come on, whatever made me smile would be okay.

            I looked over at the bar and saw Louis making Ricky smile. That was what love is all about to me, that one person who makes you feel so complete and who can change your mood around so drastically with the smallest of feats. I thought I had that with Justin, but the bad moments always seem to make me question myself.

            If you would have asked me a year ago if I loved Justin, I would have said yes and not even had a single doubt in my mind. I just can’t see how true love can occur between two people who do so much harm to each other. Justin and I are destructive to each other; we go through a strange cycle of hurt and love.

            I was definitely feeling like I didn’t have the strength to go through this endless circle again. The horrible thought in my mind which I started to accept in that moment was that maybe the divorce was for the best.

            I turned to look at Justin dancing the night away with Carina and felt my heart sink. That man that I had fell in love with so many years ago was now so utterly far from me and it hurt. I knew the divorce was needed, but that certainly didn’t mean that I was happy about it.

            I knocked myself out of my thoughts and looked over at Tommy who was conversing with some friends of his from Ireland. The same fake smile that I had on all night came back to my face and I sentenced myself back into a night of running from reality.

**

Hope stared at her husband who looked so serene as he played host to his seemingly endless group of friends. All she could manage to think about was how their once happy marriage had been based on lies.

She was angry, she wanted to fight, she wanted to cry, but most importantly Esperanza Ciro wanted her revenge. That could have possibly been the reason why she kept Kip around so long. She knew it seemed pathetic to have Kip around but it made some part of her feel like she was hurting Tommy.

Thomas Ryan had been the only man that she had ever loved and the way he had treated her and blatantly lied to her had broken her spirit. Hope took a long sip of her champagne before dragging Kip over to Justin and Carina.

“They look happy.” Hope gritted through her teeth. “Our plan is definitely not working.”

“I know… this really backfired. We look like the assholes right now.” Justin sighed. “It’s just like she doesn’t even care… it makes me want to slap the bitch.”

“I have an idea…” Carina smiled deviously, taking a glass of champagne from one of the passing trays. “Just trust me… I’ll make Natalia cry and make Tommy feel like hell.”

Hope watched as the beautiful Carina sauntered her way towards Tommy and Natalia. Hope’s eyes widened as she put two and two together. Carina was going to humiliate Natalia. All Hope could do was stand and watching, feeling nothing but sympathy for her distant best friend.

**

“Ugh, I’m getting tired.” I yawned. “It’s really sad when 11:30 becomes late for you.” I caused Tommy to chuckle and he looked at me with sparkling brown eyes which seemed nothing but compassionate.

“That’s what having three year old twins will do to you.”

“I know… I can’t even believe they’re three already. I feel so old.”

“Hey, I’m much older than you sweetheart and I’m definitely not grandpa material yet.” Tommy and I laughed, unaware of the situation that was going to unfold in mere seconds.

In the blink of an eye, a cold liquid made its way down the front of my dress. My laughing ceased and all I could do was look up in complete horror and shock at my attacker, Carina. I hadn’t even noticed the girl approaching us.

“What the fuck is this?!” Tommy roared.

Everything seemed to be in slow motion for me as my jaw stood open. The party slowly seemed to quiet down at the sound of Tommy’s yell. I felt dizzy and I looked around the room, trying to find some solace. I looked for Ricky and Louis but they weren’t anywhere in sight. Across the room, Justin who was just gazing back at me with eyes piercing through me with a gaze of lust and hate.

“Stay out of this, MICK!” Carina growled. “I have something to say to the fine people at this party. I want you all to know about this filth standing before me.” Carina shoved me back and I stumbled slightly, still in shock. “This whore.”

“CARINA… THAT IS ENOUGH!”

“NO. It’s not enough. None of you are aware that this woman is none other than a cheater. She cheated on her husband, the father of her children. All she cares about is her own personal gain. Your hostess this evening is nothing but a fraud. She happily sipped her champagne while she ripped my Justin’s heart apart. She and Tommy are both TRASH! They both lied to their significant others and hurt them. Tommy had a child with another woman, he cheated on his wife and didn’t even have the decency to let her know. YOUR HOST IS A PIG!”

I felt like I was going to die, right then and there. All eyes were on me and I wanted to be sick. Everyone was judging me and thinking of how much of a bad person I was. All I could do was break, the demeanor of strength and indifference was gone and I was reduced to tears.

“Cry a river, bitch. It won’t get him back. You don’t deserve him.”

I felt Tommy grab my hand and I knew he was as mortified and hurt as I. I heard him yell for the guards to escort Carina out, but the damage was already done.

“HEY!” Savannah appeared almost out of nowhere. She had disappeared for a number of days, somewhere with Josh, trying to talk. I hadn’t expected her to be at the party but somewhere beneath the tears, I was so happy to see her. “Back the fuck off my friend, tramp.”

Savannah was angry and the hard shove Carina received showed it all. The girl fell to the floor and Savannah hovered over her in anger. It was almost ironic to see the once sweet southern girl change into a tough and hardened woman. The Mafia situation had definitely changed her.

“Bitch, you listen and listen good… you stay the fuck AWAY from Natalia and Tommy. This is your fucking warning…I’m not afraid of you. I’ll break your face if I see you again… now…Carina.. take Justin, Hope and Kip and get the fuck OUT!”

Carina blinked a few times before rising. Her stance was nothing but intimidation, as she ran towards Justin. I think he was even shocked at Savannah’s strength because he chose to grab Carina and head for the door.

I, on the other hand, just hugged Savannah as tightly as I could. I was eternally grateful and a hug did not suffice that. She just pulled me and Tommy towards the balcony, with JC in tow. 

Chapter 36

            “Are you guys alright?” Savannah asked and ran her hand down my back. I was slowly calming down from the fiasco that had just occurred. I silently wished that it would just be over. I wished Justin would find his satisfaction and just leave me alone already.

            “I’m fine… I just wasn’t anticipating that…” Tommy sighed. “I can’t believe how low that Justin and Hope have stooped.”

            I breathed in the cold New York City air and glanced out at the horizon. This was all too fucked up and I just couldn’t believe any of it. I knew Justin could be a prick, but how could he make Carina humiliate me and Tommy in front of everyone? How could someone who professed his undying love for me, turn around and do something so despicable?

            “I’m just glad that it stopped when it did…” Savannah turned to look at me and offered a half smile. “How are you feeling?”

            “Eh.”

            “Care to elaborate?” JC was trying to lighten up the moment, and I was thankful that he was trying, but I just wasn’t up to it. I just felt so drained and so empty. All the life had just felt like it was sucked out of me.

            “I’m just in shock still.”

            “That’s understandable.” Savannah pulled me into a tight hug which I readily accepted. “Ricky and Louis had left but I called them. They’re on their way back.”

            “You didn’t have to do that… I’m fine.”

            “I know… but it doesn’t hurt to have some friendly faces around to make you feel better.” JC stated and Tommy just nodded along with him.

            Everything was so fucked up. God, I just needed to wake up and find out that this was a horrible dream. I wanted so badly for my life to just fix itself, but it couldn’t. I needed to stop hoping for the impossible and accept. All along I had been fighting acceptance and clinging to some false realities, but when it came down to it, I felt that holding onto the past was doing me more harm then good.

            “I think it’s better for us to take them both home so they can rest and forget about this hellish night.” Savannah stated. I couldn’t help but to silently agree with her. I definitely would rather be home asleep then reliving this stupid night.

            “Uhm… not to overwhelm… but Tommy… I spoke with Chris Kirkpatrick.”

            “And?”

            Chris Kirk-who? I was puzzled and quickly looked at Savannah for an answer. She didn’t have one for me though, in fact, she only seemed to look at me as confused as I looked at her.

            “Our suspicions were correct.”

            “Fuck… what do we do?” JC and Tommy eyed each other knowingly and let their gaze fall upon me.

            I really was nervous about whatever the two of them knew. Something was definitely off. The way they were looking at me just screamed bad news and I didn’t want to hear anymore.

            “Nat… you need to keep away from David…”

            “Uhm… no shit. I don’t answer his calls or bother with him after what happened…” I trailed off. “Why?”

            “We found out who the new leader of the Lopez Family is…” JC answered and put his hand on my shoulder. “David’s been using you… this was all a set up. David Boreanaz is really David Boreanaz Lopez, eldest son of Lorenzo Lopez.”

            My hand clamped over my mouth and I sat in absolute repulsion. I had thought that David was my friend… that he liked me… but this was fucked up. I was set up… I really couldn’t trust anyone anymore…

            “Oh my God…” I whispered, both disgusted and shocked.

            “I’m sorry, Nat…”

            Justin would hate me more for this… I had been sleeping with the enemy all along. Oh God, my throat started to feel so confined and I wanted nothing more but to pass out. I couldn’t take this anymore. This fucking mafia life was too much to handle, it was like everyone was tied in with everyone and nothing was normal anymore.

            “I don’t want Justin to know…”

            “Why? He has to know something like this. He’s the leader after all.”  Tommy rubbed my shoulder, trying to comfort me as JC spoke, but I couldn’t agree with him.

            “This is just going to make him hate me more. I’ll just be more of a slut and a traitor to him because I was sleeping with the head of the Lopez Family…” I looked at the two men and pleaded with them. “Please… don’t tell him. I can’t handle this right now…”

            Tommy and JC looked at each other, unsure of what to do. I know that I was asking them to hide things from Justin, but it was too much for me to handle. I knew that Justin would flip out on me more and I couldn’t stand for another repeat of the last couple of weeks to occur. I think I’d go crazy.

            “Fine… we’ll keep it from him… for now. But we will have to tell him eventually…” Tommy said with a heavy sigh.

            “I understand.” I replied, quite shaken from the news that I had just received.

            I was honestly just feeling very blank, and was thankful when Louis and Ricky arrived to take me back to their apartment. All I wanted to do was to climb into my bed and sleep all the pain off. I couldn’t absorb anything, I just needed to rest and recharge… tomorrow I would deal with everything,… cry,… and freak out.

            Tonight, I was dead to the world.  

**

            “WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO PULL SOMETHING LIKE THAT?” Hope had thrown Carina straight into a brick wall. Carina let out a yelp of pain, flinching from the scrapes which were forming on her back.

            Upon leaving Tommy’s party, Justin and Hope had dragged Carina into an alleyway where they proceeded to harass her. Both of them knew that she was out of line, but silently were taking out their guilt on her.

            “I was trying to help! You and Justin looked like a bunch of idiots!”

            “I never asked you to do something like that, Carina.” Justin hissed. “We wanted to hurt Natalia and Tommy, but we wanted to do it in subtle ways.”

            “You were doing nothing! Neither of them fucking cared, so you should be thanking me right now for making that little whore cry! She should be feeling nothing but remorse for what she did. The same goes for Tommy.”

            “You don’t do something without running it by Justin or me. Neither of us wanted to look like the bad guys, we wanted them to feel that way!” Esperanza went to raise her fist to meet Carina’s face. Such anger was boiling through Hope that she just wanted to take it out on Carina.  Her rage for Tommy and her frustration for Natalia was just dying to come out.

            Justin quickly grabbed Hope’s arm before she could touch Carina. He was just as mad as Carina was, maybe more, but he knew that hurting the girl wouldn’t do anything. She was just a helpless bystander in their sick plot anyway.

            “Chill Hope… she didn’t know any better… I’m sure she won’t make the same mistake next time.” He relaxed the grip on Hope’s hand and sighed. “Besides… we need her, and I will not have you scaring my fucking employees Esperanza.”

            “So what do we do?”

            Justin took a deep breath and turned towards the street. He spotted the beautiful Natalia waiting with her best friend Ricky for their ride. She was gorgeous and he hated having to put her through hell, but it was an eye for an eye. Natalia had broken him, she was a fucking witch and he wanted to hurt her. He wanted to see her cry.

            “We seriously need to go home and watch 10 Things I Hate About You.” Natalia sighed. “Why can’t you fucking pay Heath Ledger to go out with me?!”

            “Because I’d be too jealous… even though my boyfriend is steaming, I’d still lust over Heath and seeing him with you would suck.” Ricky explained. He seemed to be lightening up Natalia’s spirits and she giggled.

            “Why does my life seem like one big soap opera?”

            “I don’t think I can answer that… I can just agree. You seem to have the most drama in your life then anyone I know. Kudos.” Ricky patted her back and whistled to Louis who drove his Range Rover around the block.

            “How lucky for me. Just tell me I’m prettier than that bitch.”

            “You know you are!! She isn’t even in the same category as you, Nat. And did you see her hands… so manly. That dress was really last season, it looked like something Christina Aguilera wore to the Movie Awards. Ick, so not appropriate for a formal gathering.”

            “Thank you…” She smiled and hugged her best friend who began helping her in the Range Rover. “And you don’t have to lie… the dress was hot.”

            “Yeah… that actually hurt. But I meant everything else! Oh and her boobs were so fake.  They like didn’t even move. I kept thinking to myself, SO THAT’S WHERE PAM ANDERSON’S MISSING IMPLANTS WENT!”

            The two began giggling, proceeded to enter the car and drive away. Hearing this just made Justin more certain of the fact that his plan was working. Natalia may have been strong but Justin knew that he could make sure that her façade would not keep up for much longer.

            “Those two bitches!!” Carina screamed as they drove off. “I do not have manly hands!”

            All Justin could do was smirk at Hope. He knew that she was thinking the same exact thing that he was.

            “We’re back in the game.” He said simply, ignoring Carina. “Tommy and Natalia are going down.”

**

            It was an intimate gathering at Ricky’s place, mostly because we had to decide what we were going to do about the David situation. I knew that Tommy and JC wanted me to try and set him up, but I really felt like I couldn’t even see him. I was really distraught that someone who had become such a good friend to me, was just a fraud. I guess I should have seen it though.

            David had always been the one who was trying to isolate me from my friends. It was like I was brainwashed for a short while. It was probably all a part of his plan and it made me sick.

            I was just a toy to everyone.

            “Natalia, come on… just go meet him for dinner… get some dirt and just leave it at that.” JC coaxed.

            Ugh, I really didn’t feel confident about doing that. I snuggled closer in-between Savannah and Ricky, as if trying to hide myself from the entire thought. This was really dangerous and fucked up.

            “I don’t like this idea… what if he tries to hurt Nat or something?” Ricky crossed his arms over his chest. I swear, I could never have a better friend than him. He was always looking out for me and my well being. I really loved him for being like my body guard.

            “She won’t be in danger… JC and I will be close by. If anything happens, we can step in. She will be safe, Ricky. I swear on my life.” Tommy explained, trying to reassure me.

            I definitely wasn’t reassured. In fact, I felt more scared and anxious about the entire situation. I turned my attention to my son, who was on the floor playing with a small toy car.

            “Hey Nicky… where’s Anthony and Sammie?” I asked my son. Tommy, JC and Ricky continued to argue back and forth on the couch and I didn’t want to hear any of it. All I wanted to concentrate on was my pride and joy.

            “Playin’ Batman and Batgirl.” He said, not looking up from the ground.

            “Why aren’t you playing with them?”

            “Because I wanted to be Batman. Ish not fair, Mommy.”

            “Yeah… but Spiderman is so much cooler than Batman. You should be him. He’s my favorite.” I told my son, who finally glanced up at me and beamed.

            “Oh yeah! I forgot about Spiderman! He’s the best!”

            Nikolas glanced at me and all I could see in his face was Justin. My son was a darker haired image of his father. I sometimes wondered if Nikolas would grow up to be who Justin is today, or the man Justin would have become if his Mother and sister wouldn’t have passed away. I definitely hoped for the latter.

            “So you should go try to play then…”

            My son shook his head at me in sadness. I decided to excuse myself from the “delightful” argument which was occurring and talk to my son.

            “Momma… I miss Daddy. Can he come see us?”

            I felt a wave of sadness flood my body at the words of my tiny three year old son. My children needed their father, no matter how I felt about him. I had to suck it up and push to the side what he had done.

            “How about you go play and I’ll call him and see if he’ll pick you and Sammie up?” I asked my son who grinned and hugged me tightly. I hugged him back and patted the top of his head. “Now go play.”

            I watched my son scatter away and glanced down at my cell phone, letting out a heavy sigh. I definitely didn’t want to talk to Justin, let alone see him. He was a prick bastard who only cared about himself and his own personal gain. Then again, I couldn’t stop my children from seeing him, I was the one who chose him as their father after all.

            Before I knew it, Justin’s cell number was dialed and I fretfully listened to the ringing of his phone. This fucking sucked.

            “Hello?”

            “Hey… um Justin… it’s Natalia… I wanted to know if you wanted to see the twins sometime soon and spend some time with them. They both really miss you…especially Nikolas.” My voice was calm, but on the inside I desperately wanted to hang up the phone.

            I was greeted with silence and I was sure that he had hung up or was getting ready to blast me with some horrible insult for calling him. I started chewing on my nails, ruining my fresh manicure.

            “Is this a joke?” He asked.

            “No… I mean if you don’t want to I can’t force you… but I do think that you should spend some time with them…”

            I heard him sigh into the receiver and a few moments of silence occurred between us again. He definitely was going to say no… oh God… that fucking asshole…

            “Could I pick them up now?”

            “Of course… I’m at Ricky’s… so uh just come here and pick them up if you want.”

            “Alright… I’ll be there in a few.”

            I hung up the phone and felt completely drained. That call took all the energy and will that I had in my body. All I wanted to do was go pass the fuck out on my bed and not even be awake when he came by, but that definitely wasn’t going to be possible.

            Heading back over to where everyone was, I sat back in the middle of Savannah and Ricky. Lucky Savannah was fast asleep and I envied her for that. I wished that I could be sleeping when Justin got here.

            “Nat, you look pale… are you feeling ok?” JC asked and the attention of the three men was turned onto me.

            I was embarrassed sometimes when I was around my friends. Everyone knew that I cheated on Justin and I felt so slutty. I sometimes thought that they felt that Justin was right and I was just a tramp who couldn’t keep her legs closed. It made me feel even worse that now the truth was out, and I had been sleeping with their biggest enemy. I doubted that I could feel any lower.

            “Uhm… yeah… I just spoke to Justin… he’s coming to pick up the twins…” I said softly, causing Ricky to put his arm around me comfortingly. “It’s just more proof that my divorce is coming.” JC and Tommy just looked at me with compassion… something I was undeserving of.

            “Don’t let this get you down, you’re stronger than this…” Ricky squeezed my shoulder and offered a smile. “Be happy, okay? Everything happens for a reason.”

            “Yeah… subject change.” I didn’t want to talk about this anymore. I just wanted to forget… even if it was for a minute.

            “Okay… so we need you to get information out of David.” JC looked at me seriously. “This could help end the danger that all of us are in, Nat.”

            “What information?”

            “Anything useful… like where he’s working around here… what he’s been doing with spare time…” Tommy clarified. “And… we’d like you to try to take his cell phone…”

            “How am I going to pull that off?” I groaned and rubbed my forehead.

            “Do whatever you have to, Nat.”

            Ugh, I didn’t like the sound of that. I fucking despised David for what he did to me. He had made me think that he was my friend and just sold me out. How could I pretend to be anything but angry when seeing his face? I was no actress.

            “I don’t know…”

            “This is serious, doll. You need to gather your bearings and do this. We NEED this information… we need to take down the Lopez Family… it’s for the safety of all of us. I really don’t think that you want your children to die, Natalia. Do this for them. Do this to ensure their future.” JC stared at me, looking so deadly serious that chills ran up my spine.

            Thank God the doorbell rang and pulled me out of that lovely conversation. I excused myself quickly and ran towards the front door, pulling up my blue ‘Corpse Bride’ pajama pants. Yeah, hotness I know.

            I opened the door and there stood Justin, with his hands in his pockets. We stared at each other for a few seconds in silence. I both hated and loved him at that moment. He was just so gorgeous, like some celestial creature. It was when he opened his mouth that he proved me wrong.

            “Yeah… so… where are my kids?” Justin brushed past me and walked into the apartment. He stopped short upon seeing Tommy, JC, Ricky and Savannah. “What the fuck is this? Some sort of fucked up Anti-Justin convention?” He was fucking crazy.

            “No… we were just getting together for a drink. You know not everything is about you, J.” Tommy hissed at his best friend.

            “Whatever. I came to get my kids and I’ll get the hell out of your way.”

            Nikolas was sitting on the other side of the room and immediately perked up when he saw Justin. His blue eyes just seemed to light up when he realized that his father was there.

            “DADDY!!” Nicky ran straight into his father’s arms and the two shared an embrace that almost brought tears to my eyes. I knew that I was doing the right thing.

            “Hey mini me…I missed you.”  Justin let go of his son and smile at him. “Where’s Sam?”

            “Playing with Anthony…” Nikolas pointed into my bedroom. Well, it wasn’t really MY room, but it was where I stayed when I was at Ricky’s, so it really might as well of been my room.

            “Alright… you go get your favorite toy and say goodbye to Mommy while I go get her… okay?” Justin said to his son. Nikolas just nodded and busily went to look for the perfect toy to bring with him.

            Justin didn’t say a word but walked into my bedroom, looking for our daughter. He really made me want to scream sometimes, and I made sure to let everyone know by pretending to choke myself, causing Ricky to laugh out loud.

            “Can’t I beat him with the stick up he has up his ass?” I whispered to them, causing more laughter to ensue.

            “You’re so bad…” Savannah, who had just woken up, giggled.

            “WHAT THE…?!” Justin screamed from my bedroom. “SAMANTHA NOELLE… WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!”

            “Ut oh…” I feared for my daughter and ran into that room as fast as I could. “What’s all the screaming about?!”

            I looked down at the floor and saw Anthony wearing a toy stethoscope. The little boy looked completely frightened, as did my daughter. Uhm… okay? What the hell?

            “He… that little FUCK had his hands all over my daughter!!”

            “WHOA WHOA WHOA! Relax! They were just playing…” Tommy was in the room now and grabbed Justin’s arm.

            “I don’t think a suitable game consists of my three year old daughter’s dress up and your son’s pants down!!” Justin yelled. “I will not have my daughter become a little whore like her mother!”

            Anger. I was seeing fucking red at that moment. I didn’t even think of the consequences, I didn’t care about anything else. I just flipped the hell out. No one was going to talk about me that way in front of my friends or children. I raised my hand and cracked Justin against his cheek.

            “DON’T YOU EVER SPEAK THAT WAY ABOUT ME IN MY CHILDREN’S PRESENCE EVER AGAIN!!” I shoved him backwards and raised my hand again, wanting to hit him over and over.  I managed to get two more smacks in when JC grabbed me. “NO ME TOCAS!!!!” Yeah, I was speaking Spanish… I was definitely pissed off.

            “Relax… Natalia… breathe…”

            Thankfully Savannah ushered the children out of the room through all of this and was doing her best to keep them out of the crossfire. Thank God for her, because I definitely lost it at that point.

            “Now… whatever the fuck is going on between the two of you… it needs to fucking stop. You need to call a truce or whatever… because you know what? You have children and you need to be civil to each other... so both of you grow the hell up and resolve your issues.”

            I stared at Justin, who rubbed his face in complete shock. That was really uncharacteristic of me to become violent and he knew that. I had changed and this was all his fault. He dragged me into this life… he was the one who wouldn’t let me go…

            “I’m sorry for calling you a whore…” Justin said quietly. “I’m just really angry… I should have never freaked out like that. I just don’t know how to deal with all these emotions…”

            JC loosened his grip on me and was backing out of the room slowly along with Tommy. The two of us just stared at each other for a moment, before I finally spoke.

            “I understand… I’m feeling the same way. But JC is right, we need to hold it together for the kids… and obviously we didn’t do a very good job of that tonight.” I sighed. “I wanted you to come here tonight to be with your kids… they really do need you right now.”

            “I was really fucking shocked about that, actually. I honestly thought you wouldn’t care about my relationship with them… I think that’s why I came in here tonight, acting like a dick. That both shocked and scared me.” Justin confessed. He leaned against the dresser and stared down at the floor. “I’m also sorry about the Christmas party… I really didn’t mean for that to happen…”

            “Water under the bridge….but Justin… you should know that I do care about what happens with you and the twins. We may be getting a divorce, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t care what happens to you. The twins need your influence and your guidance in their lives and I won’t ever deprive them of you. I mean, I may be a lot of things…but my children come first, no matter what, and their well being includes you.”

            “Thank you for that, Nat…so I guess I’ll take the kids tonight… I’ll bring them back tomorrow afternoon… is that okay?” Justin asked.

His blue eyes were glued to mine, I felt uneasy under his gaze. I started to fidget now, because there was now a silence in the room. Justin just studied me for a moment, before finally grabbing me into a tight hug. I hadn’t felt his arms around me in what felt like years. It was so familiar and so amazing. It was like a dose of a drug I needed to survive.

            “That’s perfect…uhm…I really am sorry Justin… for everything that happened between us. I never meant to hurt you… I just… I didn’t think…”

            He was just silent, before he pulled away from the hug and looked me straight in the eyes. In his gaze, I saw the Justin I fell in love with so many years ago. I saw the man who kidnapped me because he had become infatuated with me. In his eyes, I still saw my future.

            Justin leaned in and let his lips softly graze against my own, before he pulled away completely and headed toward the bedroom door.

            “I love you…” He said with his back to me. “I love you so much that it hurts so badly and sometimes I don’t think I can face another day.”

            “I love you too Justin…” I began to cry silently and wrapped my arms around myself. “I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone the way that I love you.”

            He turned around to look at me and I saw that his eyes were now brimming with tears. Justin just offered me a smile and walked back to me, placing another kiss on my lips. Why was he kissing me? Why was he doing this? Was this Justin messing with my mind like he had been doing non-stop for the last couple of weeks?

            I couldn’t bear to deal with this.

            “I’ll talk to Sam about what happened… I’ll give her the whole… “you don’t show your privates to anyone unless your married” speech.” Justin said after he pulled back from our kiss. I wanted to laugh out loud from the hypocrisy; it wasn’t like either of us really followed that.

            “I’ll make sure to reinforce it with her tomorrow.” I said nervously and pushed a strand of hair that had come loose from my ponytail, behind my ear.

            “Alright… uhm… I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

            “Yeah…”

            Justin walked out of the room and left me completely confused. Why was he kissing me? I hated that he was telling me that he loved me… he was making this experience so much harder for me. God, I hated this.

Chapter 37

            So I failed to mention before, the next day was my birthday, December 28th. I really didn’t want my birthday to come this year, especially with all the on goings of the past couple of months. I was turning 23, and instead of celebrating it, I wanted to crawl into a hole for the day, but no one would let that happen.

            “Happy Birthday!!” Ricky exclaimed as I walked into the kitchen. He pulled me into a tight hug, leaving me to just half smile groggily at him. I immediately reached for the pitcher of coffee and poured myself a cup. I was not a morning person.

            “I take it you aren’t happy about it being your birthday.” Louis asked, but still managed to give me a birthday hug, which I accepted.

            “This day just needs to quickly end.” I said truthfully and sipped my coffee. Milk and two sugars, it was what I needed to get me awake.

            “Why do you have to let Justin ruin your birthday?” Louis spoke up. “He’s a prick bastard and you deserve so much better. Girl, we should just hit a spa in the daytime, and then head to a bar in Soho, and drink cosmos till the wee hours of the morning.”

            “Oh God that sounds like heaven.” Ricky giggled excitedly and placed a kiss on his boyfriend’s lips. “I’ll go make the reservations now… that’s such a great idea baby.”

            “Um… how about a rain check? I was just going to do some work for my article and maybe spend a quiet evening with the twins… I really miss them by the way…” I sighed.

            I really did wish my children were with me, in fact it sucked. All I really wanted was to spend the day with them, maybe take them out to breakfast and to a museum, but that obviously wasn’t going to happen. It was fine though, the twins really needed to spend time with their father. I was going to be selfless, even if it killed me.

            “Obviously you’re not in the birthday spirit… so I should return your gift.” Ricky said nonchalantly, I nearly spit out my coffee.

            “I thought you agreed that you wouldn’t get me anything?” I whined, feeling absolutely horrible that my best friend had spent money on me.

I loved Ricky to death; both he and Louis had done so much for me through the whole Justin scenario. I seriously was in their debt and I didn’t want him going out and doing anymore for me. I didn’t deserve it anyway.

“Since when would I listen to what you say?” Ricky got up from his chair, chewing a piece of toast. “Come on!! You’re going to love it!”

My friend pulled me into the living room of his huge apartment and forced me to cover my eyes while he rummaged through his closet for my gift. I really did feel bad that he had spent money on me; my birthday was so close to Christmas that I honestly always felt bad when anyone got me a gift.

            “Okay… open your eyes!” Ricky said, and I quickly complied, uncovering my face and coming face to face with a Nintendo Wii.

            “Oh my fucking God!” I exclaimed. “HOW DID YOU FIND THIS?!”

            I had been searching non-stop for a Nintendo Wii, because I’m pretty much one of the biggest Nintendo fans ever, more exactly, The Legend of Zelda. I’ve pretty much beaten every Zelda ever made and the new one, Twilight Princess, for the Wii was going to be no exception. I swear I had been to about 50 stores looking for that console and every time I was met with the same response, “Sorry, We’re Sold Out!”

            “I have my ways.” Ricky smiled slyly and quickly accepted the hug and kiss that I gave him. “I’m just glad you like it.”

            “Like it?! I love it!  

            Yeah, so I was totally in little kid mode. I guess Zelda and Nintendo does that to me. I seriously could play that game all day. It was like I was taken back to when I was a kid and my brother and I would play Ocarina Of Time all day. I really did miss Andrew more than ever at that moment; he would have absolutely died upon seeing the amazing way Zelda was portrayed. The storyline was amazing as were the graphics.

            Oh yeah, and Link was fucking hot.

            So for the rest of the morning, Ricky, Louis and I played the Wii in the living room. I was kicking all their asses in bowling. I’m also a sore winner so I made sure to rub it in all their faces. My birthday really was going to turn out better than I expected it to.

**

            “Fucking Moblins!” I cursed and swung the Wii remote at the empty space before me. The cool thing about Zelda was that you could swing your arm around like your were actually sword fighting. I, of course, got so into it that I was knocking into Ricky or bashing my arm against walls.

            “Get the left one!! He’s about to shoot a flaming arrow!” Ricky screamed. I swear, the two of us were so determined to beat this game without the strategy guide or any outside help. It wasn’t a game to us after 3 straight hours of play, it was real life.

            “I’m surrounded… AHH!” I hit the B button and threw a bomb and ran, blowing up my enemies. “THAT’S RIGHT!! I GOT THE BOSS’S KEY!!”

            “Hell yeah!” Ricky laughed and got up from his seat upon hearing the door bell. “Ugh… this better be like a hot guy at the door or I’m going to be very disappointed that I got up!”

            “Make that hot and single!” I giggled. “Although Link is both of those! So it’s like a win/win situation if you get up or sit down and stare at that sexy video game character.”

            If Ricky and I weren’t crazy before, we definitely should have been institutionalized now. Only the two of us would lust after a cartoon character… well, make that a very sexy cartoon character.

            “Haha, that is very true.” Ricky adjusted his shirt and hair in the mirror before opening the door. I fucking loved him, he always had to look perfect, even if it was like his 80 year old neighbor asking for a cup of milk.

            “And can I just say that Link better screw Zelda’s fucking brains out. Come on?! Link saves her ass along with Hyrule FOR HER and she doesn’t even put out? That bitch needs to give him a little somethin’ somethin’.”

            “Natalia… you have some odd logic.”

            I looked up from game, for the first time in 3 hours and stared at Justin. He smirked at me from the doorway with our two children. I blushed like 14 year old school girl and paused the game immediately. I swear, it was the second time I saw him in the past day and I was in pajamas and looking like a nerd.

            “Happy birthday, Mommy!” The twins ran at me and hugged me tightly. I was still slightly confused at why he was even here. I mean, he had the kids till the evening and it was like early afternoon. I swear, I really didn’t get Justin sometimes.

            “Thank you babies.” I kissed both of their cheeks and looked up at my estranged husband. “What are you doing here?” 

I noticed Ricky just smile happily from the now closed front door. I guess he was happy for me now that Justin wasn’t being a gigantic asshole anymore. It was still a little shocking though, I mean he hated me like two seconds ago and now he was okay with me? And he had the nerve to say that I had odd logic? Please!

“Well, first of all, Happy Birthday.” He placed a kiss on my cheek and then handed me a large, perfectly wrapped box. “Go open this and put this on. The twins and I have a special day planned for you.”

“Uhm… what?”

I was shocked… wouldn’t you be? Seriously, I mean just last night Justin was professing his disgust for me and now he wanted to spend the day with me and the twins? Was he really bipolar or something?

“Just go get dressed.”

He nudged me towards the room I always stayed at in Ricky’s loft apartment. The room door was closed and a tiny bit of sunlight peeked through the curtains, giving the room an eerie feeling. I wanted to pull out my hair. I seriously just wanted to do something that would describe my frustration and confusion with Justin. He was hot and cold with me; I just didn’t understand him.

Actually, I was starting to believe that I didn’t understand anything about anything. I might have been educated but that didn’t mean shit in the long run. I was still a clueless, naive little girl when it came down to it

My phone began ringing like mad to “The Calendar Hung Itself” and I knew it was Ricky. I pulled my phone out of my hoodie pocket and flipped it open.

“Ricky… I’m freaking the fuck out.”

“So am I! What the hell did he get you? I’m guessing its clothes… oh my god… is it Roberto Cavalli?” My gay best friend exclaimed through the speaker of my cell phone. Only he would try to make light of this situation.

“I can’t even bring myself to open the box. Ricky, what the hell is this? Is he for real? Does he want to mend things? Why the hell is he being so nice?!  I’m so fucking confused… and just…just… ahhh!! I can’t even describe it… but it’s something like surprised.” I sighed heavily, just wanting to break down and cry.  “What do I do?”

“Nat, listen good… I want you to go today. I want you to wear whatever sexy little outfit he got you and get the fuck out there and enjoy your birthday. Today is your day, baby doll, and sometimes birthdays are magical. Maybe this year your wish really will come true.”

“I hope so…” I nervously began ripping at the wrapping paper, growing more and more excited. “Alright… I’m gonna get ready… I’ll see you in a few.”

I hung up the phone and giggled excitedly for the tiny bit of hope that Ricky had instilled into me. Maybe he was right… maybe I shouldn’t question his motives and just enjoy my day. I still held onto a tiny shred of doubt, but allowed myself to be excited.

Maybe Ricky was right, maybe their really was some magic on our birthdays?

**

Justin had gotten me the cutest outfit, a simple but amazing fitting Rock and Republic jeans, and a beautiful pair of black Ugg uptowns that I had been eyeing but never got around to ordering. How the hell did he know? I swear, Justin definitely knew my style very well, because he completed the outfit with a white long tube top and to go over it a cropped, low cut black sweater. I was IN LOVE with this outfit to say the least.

I quickly put the outfit on and did my makeup quickly. I had to say, everything looked perfect and fit me just right. I sprayed a hint of BCBG perfume on and quickly adjusted my hair, before finally exiting the room.

“Oh my fucking God… I love your outfit!” Ricky was practically waiting by the door when I exited. He pretty much made me do a 360, examining every inch of the outfit before squealing. “Justin you have amazing taste!”

“Thank you… thank you.” Justin said and took a bow. I just rolled my eyes and laughed. “Oh uhm… by the way…I kinda uhm… bought the twins a-“

“MOMMY LOOK!!”

A mass of brown, black and white fur was pushed up at me. I staggered back and examined the animal which was thrust at me. It was a puppy, a tiny little beagle. I giggled with excitement and picked up the small puppy who began kissing me instantly.

“You didn’t?!”

“Yeah… I kinda got suckered into it…”

“I thought you didn’t want to get them a dog yet?” I looked at him, completely surprised. Justin was so strongly against buying a dog, mainly because his dog, Terra, had died a year earlier. I honestly was terrified of Justin’s dog, it was an elderly boxer, who hated everyone except for Justin. But anyway, I really wanted to get a dog, especially because growing up, I never had one (My Mother claimed she didn’t need another headache.), but Justin was so distraught when he lost his precious Terra, that he refused to even look at another animal.

“I didn’t… but like I said… I got suckered into it. They saw a pet shop and begged me to go in. I really shouldn’t have gone in but I swear, that dog was the first we saw and I knew that he’d be perfect for the twins.”

I cradled the puppy in my arms, who was probably only a couple of weeks old. I swear, if no one believes in love at first sight, they just need to hold a tiny puppy. I held the dog tightly and smiled.

“What’s his name?”

“I want to name him Barbie!” Samantha called out, causing me to laugh uncontrollably.

“But he’s a boy… you have to give him a boy name.” Justin grinned and picked up his daughter, obviously enjoying the innocence of his children. “I thought we were going to pick Mio?”

“Mio? Where’d you come up with that?” I asked, still giggling from my daughter’s Barbie comment. I ran my hand down the dog’s fur. I really wanted to take a picture of it because it was falling asleep in my arms. It was so adorable.

“Nick was telling me the words in Spanish that Abuelita had taught him, and he said Mio. I don’t know… I thought it was cute….but it’s still up to you guys.”

“Mio, huh?” I smiled and placed a soft kiss on the top of the puppy’s head. “I love it, because it’s true… he’s ours.”

Justin smiled and walked over to me, with our daughter still in his arms and placed a kiss on my lips, just as he had yesterday. I didn’t understand what was going on… like was this a step towards us reconciling? I really didn’t understand what Justin wanted to do, but I knew that sooner or later, the conversation needed to happen, but right now wasn’t the time. We just needed to enjoy each other’s company and take everything one step at a time.

“So grab your coat and put Mio down. We have a busy day planned for your birthday.” Justin smiled at me. “Hey Ricky, do you mind puppy sitting?”

“Not at freaking all… he’s adorable and as long as he doesn’t pee on my Persian rug, he’s welcome to stay.” Ricky pulled the dog out of my hands and laughed excitedly. “I swear, I think I’m going to have to get a dog next.”

“Haha awww…our dogs could be a couple.” I giggled, as Justin began to pull me out the door, along with Nikolas.

“You need help, sweetie… but have fun guys!!”

**

I was rushed into the front seat of Justin’s new car, a brand new white Escalade. I really was nervous and anxious about whatever Justin had planned, but I decided to just go with the flow and let the day continue to go by smoothly. Justin wouldn’t fuck up my birthday to hurt me anyway…. Or would he?

I tapped my nails against my thigh and stared out the window. I had no idea where Justin was taking me, but he seemed to be really excited and genuinely happy. It just seemed so odd to me, I mean maybe I was just afraid of being hurt again, but it just seemed like Justin was jumping from one extreme to the next with me… like last night for instance…

UGH! Men are so fucking confusing.

“So where are we going?” I whined as I got out of the car which Justin was leaving in a small parking garage. Samantha was holding my hand and giggling.

“Daddy… I wanna tell her!”

“No, not yet Princess. We can’t ruin the surprise.” Justin looked over at us and flashed a gorgeous smile my way. I swear, that man makes me weak in the knees with just a glance.

Justin held Nikolas tightly and tipped the garage attendant, probably trying to make sure that his precious new car would be taken care of. Oh, it was so typical of Justin to worry about his material possessions; it made me want to roll my eyes.

“Alright, we’re on our way.” Justin grabbed my free hand when he was done speaking with the parking attendant. A genuine smile adorned his beautiful face making me despise the crossroads I was at. At moments, I just couldn’t stand him and at others I was just so utterly in love with him.

This definitely was not healthy.

**

            I literally felt like all the wind was knocked out of me when I realized where Justin was taking me for my birthday. My dream birthday had always consisted of being taken ice skating on my birthday; this was an especially strong desire in my teen years. I was shocked, was Justin really trying to make things better between us? It seemed that as the moments passed, my confusion only grew.

            “You ready to skate?” The blue-eyed man smiled at me warmly.

            “I haven’t ice skated in years.” I admitted, mentally bracing myself for what I knew would be many falls on the hard ice. “Will the kids be okay to skate?”

            “Yeah, we just need to hold their hands.” He sent a lopsided grin my way. I wanted to melt right there, I hated the affect he had on me.

            Justin had everything ready for us; the skates were rented and we were able to cut the huge line at Rockafellar Center. I was definitely thankful that we didn’t have to wait on that long ass line with two three-year-olds with short attention spans. Not to mention, I had a short attention span of my own.

            “I kinda hope you know that I’m not a good skater.” I giggled as I fastened Nikolas’ ice skates. “I mean I know how, but I fall a lot.”

            “I’ve never been.” Justin admitted and picked up Samantha, who was completely ready to skate. “So I guess I’m gonna be falling with you.”

            The minute we hit the ice, it felt like a second nature. I held onto my son’s hand and glided across the ice with ease. It wasn’t that I was a great skater; it was just that I could balance on the ice. Thankfully my son, who almost fell a few dozen times, held on tightly to me.

            “Mommy! I’m skating!” My son smiled brightly at me, I couldn’t help but to giggle at his happiness. If he only knew that his skated consisted of him gliding along next to me. “Look at Daddy!” My son began laughing like mad and pointing at Justin, who had to hold onto the wall to stand up.

            I decided to skate over to Justin; not to gloat about him not being able to skate, well maybe a little, but honestly just to see if I could help him. Laughing in his face really would cross the line of evil.

            “Having some trouble there?”

            “I see you smirking, that’s not cool!” Justin groaned. “I can’t skate at all… this blows.”

            “No, it doesn’t. You just have to try your hardest to balance…” I smiled at Justin, stifling a giggle. “It’s a lot like rollerblading.”

“Ugh, ice skating is definitely not my thing.”

“Aww, come on Justin! If Sam and Nick can skate so can you.” I held my hand out to Justin and he graciously accepted it. He stared at me for a moment, looking at me the way he used to, with a sense of fervor and appreciation.

Okay, so what I mean by this, is that when Justin and I first met, I seemed to surprise him and apparently had a certain amount of mystery. I guess everyone has a bit of mystery shadowing them and when you first meet someone, you’re constantly trying to figure out the other persons intentions and possibly even try to get into their thoughts. We truly try to get a feel for a person and it was like Justin was trying to get to know me all over again. It was like a look of rediscovery of something long forgotten. But, the way he studied me brought me back to when I was a silly 19 year old girl. I felt like I was someone that had been in a coma for years and finally just woke up and found my life completely different.

“You’re beautiful.” He said softly, causing me to blush and look down at the ice.

“Um… I… I think we’d uh better not stand here. We uh probably could be a hazard to the other…um skaters.”

God! The way he was staring at me…the way I knew he wanted me. It was like he could see right through me and knew exactly what I was thinking. I swallowed hard and glided slowly along the ice, with Justin’s hand in mine.

“Just go slowly… it’s not a race, so take your time.” I smiled at Justin who was on the verge of falling again. “Justin, you don’t have to slide so much, just take slow, easy strides.”

“Mommy! Daddy is a bad skater!” My daughter exclaimed, causing me and Nikolas to giggle.

“That’s not nice, Sa- AHH!” Justin finally lost his balance and took me tumbling down with him.

“Ow!” I whined. “You really are a bad skater.” I quoted my daughter, who was skating along the wall with her brother. She actually wasn’t doing bad, so I didn’t worry about her.

“You’re so mean.” My gangster husband grinned at me as I stood up and helped him to his feet. “Happy birthday, beautiful.”

It was perfect, the ice skating, the beautiful tree in the background and my family with me. I could not have asked for a more perfect birthday.

“Thank you…”

He picked up my chin and causing me to look him right in the eyes. I was so afraid, I wanted to look away from him just because I knew that if this began again, I wouldn’t be able to handle it ending.

I loved him.

Justin kissed me right there, as if soothing my fears. I felt myself shake at the touch of his soft lips, and wanted nothing more but to melt right into him. Did I have a magical birthday?

Without a doubt.

Bitter-sweet Revenge

Chapter 38

            Friday afternoon rolled around and my article was due. I had been working so hard on it; I really hoped that it would help me get noticed. This particular article was on what was on relationships. It was actually pretty funny to write about because I got to incorporate the hell that was my own romantic life and help people in the process.  

            I swear I was like living the dream.

            So anyway, I was off to Monique Leone’s office to submit my article and really nervous. This woman was completely perfect; she had everything any woman could ever ask for. She was married to Derek Jeter of the fucking New York Yankees, SO GORGEOUS, she had a hot career, and she was beautiful. Monique really was a lucky woman. I think I would die for the chance to grab Derek Jeter’s ass just once… but that’s just me.

            New Years passed and was relatively quiet. I spent it with my mother and the twins. I knew I was kind of neglecting her too and I promised myself that this new year I would spend more time with my family and less time being selfish and thinking of myself. This year was a chance to change and grow and I knew that I had to do that.

            “Natalia, I’m so glad to see you.” Monique smiled at me warmly. “You’ve been doing some excellent work around here.”

            “Thank you… I’ve been trying my hardest.” I said earnestly.

            Monique was 5’8” with golden hair and bright brown eyes, the once runway model was the envy of every woman. She even looked like Mariah Carey in her younger days. Some people are just born lucky.

            “I know you have, I may seem to not be paying attention, but in fact I do. I’ve been watching you Natalia Fuentes and you have this drive to succeed; it reminds me of my own.” Monique crossed her legs in her massive office chair and studied me.

            “Really?”

            “Yes… not to mention you are an unbelievable writer. I really think that you will bring something refreshing and new to this magazine. I’m very excited to read your newest article.”

            “Thank you, Ms. Leone… I really worked hard on it and tried to include my own anecdotes into it. I’ve gone through my own various problems in relationships and I thought that maybe I could give people some insight through my own struggles.”

            A smile crossed Monique’s face as I handed her the article which I had worked so hard on. It was a small article where I tried to divulge into the mind of a man where in turn I blatantly realized that two things keep men in a happy relationship, loyalty and good sex. It was meant to be a satire okay!

            “Oh my God! This is hysterical.” Monique grinned. I stood perfectly still; I silently wondered if the word hysterical was a good or bad thing. “It does a great job of describing how us women obsess over men and in the end stray from what they want. This is amazing writing, Natalia.”

            “Thank you… I really meant for women to laugh but at the same time be informed that there are certain things that we shouldn’t do to ruin a relationship.”

            Monique studied me for a moment. She looked me up and down; it seemed like the hair style I had, to the shade of my makeup and the shoes I had chosen were all scrutinized under her gaze. Monique herself was perfect and I’m sure she wanted everyone around her to be so… now if I was that way was a different story.

            “I like you, Natalia… you are hip, young, a mother and you have some interesting insights. You are wise beyond your years and I think that I want to have you do a different kind of column for me; but quite honestly I’m revamping this magazine. I do not want it to be solely based on fashion, I want to incorporate music, sports, literature and real life dilemmas that the modern woman faces.”

            “I would love to help you Monique. I know I would try my best to help change this magazine around but at the same time try and keep true to its roots.” I stated, becoming more relaxed in Monique’s presence. “I think we can give Cosmo a run for their money.”

A lot of people had said she was an uber bitch and I was expecting someone out of “The Devil Wears Prada”, but she was really an awesome lady. I wanted to help change the magazine around.

“I knew I saw something good in you when I hired you.” Monique beamed and stood up from her chair. She fumbled through her desk looking for something while I stood watching her. “You have this fiery spirit, it’s a breath of fresh air honestly, these people I work with are all sheep! They are not at all original.” She pulled a paper out of her desk and handed it over to me. “How would you feel about doing a concert review and an interview? This is just to get your feet wet… I want you to feel comfortable before I have you jump in and tackle the crazy ideas I have planned.”

“Oh wow… really? I would absolutely love to. Who would it be?”

“This rock group… um… God what are their names? It just slipped my mind… but you’d just do an interview… it wouldn’t be a cover interview but it would be something to show the readers that we are eclectic… I think I want to do a concert review for each genre of music… pop, rock, rap, country… you know? I think it would be great to mix it up and show our readers that we’re open to everything.”

“That is absolutely genius.” I said beaming. I loved this idea, honestly. Meeting bands and artists and going to concerts? That’s fucking crazy!

“I knew you’d think so. So you’re first assignment as my concert girl is to meet and interview… Papa Roach… they were bigger in the 90’s but there fame is resurfacing.”

PAPA ROACH? I wanted to jump in the fucking air and scream. I absolutely LOVED them, they were one of my favorite bands in high school and even now! Not to mention Jacoby Shaddix was fucking amazingly gorgeous. I couldn’t wait to tell Ricky!

“I’ve heard of them… I’m actually a fan.”

“Oh great, that’s even better to hear. I’ll give you the tickets, take whoever you’d like.” Monique sat back down at her desk. “Um you can pick the tickets up next week… and by the way there’s a meeting in two weeks from now… I was thinking about changing the name of the magazine… you know to fit our new image… what do you think?”

“That sounds like a good idea… it’s like Glamour is reborn.” I said and Monique smiled.

“Well think of some suggestions… I’m sorry I kept you so long sweetie. Have a great weekend.”

“You too.”

I walked out of that building jumping for joy. I was going to meet and interview Papa Roach? How fucking crazy was that! Ricky was going to be oh so jealous! ^_^ Well actually fuck jealousy, I knew I was going to take him with me!

Jumping in my car, I immediately called Ricky on the blue tooth. Can I just say that the fucking blue tooth is such a pain in the ass. It tries to call like every other person that who you actually want to call, fucking bull shit.

“Hello hello?” Ricky’s voice came through the speakers of my car and I smiled.

“Guess who I’m meeting and interviewing?” I was gloating… haha oh well; and who cared that Jacoby was married with children? I could still dream! “I’m meeting and interviewing Papa fucking Roach!”

“NO YOU ARE NOT!!!” Ricky screamed. “Natalia that’s fucking awesome! Oh my God that drummer is like fucking sick, he’s a lefty and plays on a righty set… he’s so fucking talented… oh my god!! That’s not fair!”

“Bitch you’re coming with me… it’s like this show and then I interview them after. I’m literally going crazy.”

“Oh my God!!! I’m like dumping Louis for the day… you think the bassist would go for me?” He joked with a giggle.

“Um… I think he’s married… but why not.” I laughed.

            “So you know what tonight is… right?” Ricky turned serious as I bit down on my bottom lip.

            “Unfortunately I do.”

            “It won’t be that bad… just talk for like 20 minutes, steal the phone and bounce. David won’t hurt you…” Ricky encouraged me, but I was still very hesitant about this entire situation. “…and anyway JC and Tommy will be like outside watching everything… so if things get crazy you just call them and they’ll bail you out.”

            “I guess… ugh… tonight will go by fast and I’ll meet Papa Roach… I think I’m going to jump on Jacoby though.”

            “Hahaha…I think you’ll get your ass sent to jail and lose your job.” Ricky snickered. I was stopped at a red light, so I quickly fumbled through my cds, searching for my favorite Papa Roach cd, Lovehatetragedy. I was so pumped, this was just going to be so much fun.

 “AHH another call I’ll call you back.” I clicked the phone before he could answer, not even paying attention to who was calling me. “I’M MEETING PAPA ROACH!!” I screamed to the caller, laughing. I didn’t care who it was but everyone had to know this.

“No shit… how’d that happen?” Justin’s voice echoed through the car.

So I kinda haven’t mentioned what my relationship with Justin has been like and I guess that’s okay because I really don’t know what’s going on. We’ve been having a lot of outings with the twins which is cool because the twins are seeming a lot happier and adjusting to things. Justin also still kisses me… well we have full fledged make out sessions with groping. Clothes on though; I don’t think he’s ready to take me back fully so I guess it’s like we’re starting over and taking things very slow.

I really do want to be back with Justin so I’ll do anything he wants at this point in the game.

“I kinda got this promotion thingy… my boss wants me to do this interview and then she wants me to do bigger stories. I’m getting really excited about this… Justin this could open so many doors for me.” I exclaimed, jumping up and down in my car seat.

“Angel, I’m so happy for you… we need to celebrate tonight!”

FUCK! The stupid David set up thing was tonight. This beyond sucked because I would have much rathered be in Justin’s company than that low life David. He set me up and I fucking hated the guy for that.

It was like he was poisoning me against Justin during the time I was away from him. I saw it all so clearly now.

“Aww baby… I can’t I have so much work… um maybe tomorrow?”

“Yeah, definitely… I also want to talk to you about some stuff…”

“What stuff?” I asked with curiosity. I started biting at my nails, not liking where this was all going. I was just waiting for this fairy tale to end. I had my guard up because I was so afraid to trust him again and to just be broken hearted again.

“Um…us… but I don’t want to do it over the phone…”

“Oh God… is this bad…?” I was trembling; my nerves were definitely shot from all the stress I had endured in the past couple of months.

“No no no… angel it’s good… I swear.” He said with sincerity etched in his voice. “We’re through with all the sadness and pain. I promise… remember what we talked about the other day? We’re going to move past all the negativity in our lives and onto bigger and better things.”

“Okay…” I was relieved and let out a small sigh showing that. “Tomorrow it is baby… I can’t wait.”

“Me neither… I miss you.” He said softly. “If you finish early though… let me know, okay?”

“I definitely will… I’ll call you when I get home… okay?”

“Alright, Nat… bye.” With that, he hung up. No I love you’s yet… one step at a time. I crossed my fingers and hoped tonight would be painless. I’d prove to Justin that I was meant to be his and I never wanted to hurt him.

I would kill David myself if that’s what it took.

**

“I really don’t want to do this.” I said sadly. I was getting dressed in the outfit Ricky picked out for me. It was a black sweater dress and a high waisted red belt. The outfit was cute but I didn’t want to look cute. I wanted to fucking turn this guy off.

“Yeah I’m not thrilled about it either… especially because you and J are on better terms… but if it has to be done you have to do it.” Ricky said sympathetically as he pulled my hair back into a simple pony tail.

Both Ricky and Savannah were helping me get ready for this hellish night. I was thankful to have the both of them by my side, but honestly I wished that Hope was there. I knew that she would have some insight about all of this. I really wanted one of my best friends to be here and help me through this terrible time.

Ugh… life kinda sucks doesn’t it? I really couldn’t pick up the phone and call Hope, she pretty much hated me right now because she associated me with everything bad that Tommy did to her. I didn’t understand why she couldn’t just move on with it? Why was she holding onto the anger? Was there something else going on?

I needed to play detective and find out what was going on with all my friends. Especially Savannah and Hope; those two had more secrets than anyone could even imagine.

“Stop thinking so much, Natalia.” Savannah smacked my arm lightly, causing me to jump.

I had been sitting in Ricky and Louis’s bedroom while Ricky and Savannah decided on every aspect of what my outfit, makeup and attitude should be on that date. I really wanted nothing more than to crawl into my bed and sleep this all off. It wasn’t fair.

“I can’t help it. I just have a bad feeling.”

“Nat, what have I been telling you? Nothing bad is going to happen… JC and Tommy will be watching out for you. David will not even get the chance to lay a hand on you.” Ricky stated reassuringly. He reached over and gave me a tight hug. “Trust me, doll… this will work out for the best… it just has to.”

I faked a smile and quickly put on my red paten leather pumps. My outfit was hot… too bad I was going to waste it on David. Ugh… maybe I’d be done with him early and then I could go see Justin.

It was really hard to keep this from Justin. I wanted nothing more but to jump into his arms and tell him the truth about David… but that would definitely jeopardize our reconciliation. I don’t think I could handle losing him again; yeah I’ve said that before but honestly after all the shit that has happened… I don’t think I could. Justin would HATE me if he knew the truth about David; I mean it was inevitable for him to find out but I knew that we just needed some time to cement our relationship before the news was sprung on him.

“Listen…you need to just be as phoney as possible. Smile, laugh and get what you need to. You know better than to fall for his bull shit so be the strong and self-reliant woman you are… screw David’s plans to hurt all of us… let him the one that’s going to be pained.” Savannah kneeled down before me and looked at my face sadly. “Do it for the revenge, … feel joy in hurting the man who manipulated you, who had someone rape me, who fucked up your marriage and more importantly… is hurting your children.”

She was absolutely right. My kids were hurting due to the back and forth horrors that Justin and I were unfortunately having them endure. I would most certainly do this for my kids and for Savannah who was broken.

“You’re right. I’ll do this. I’ll break David the way he broke me. I’ll get my revenge.”

**

I walked into Eyre restaurant, a trendy restaurant which had just opened in the upper east side in Manhattan, with my held head high. David was not going to see the weak and vulnerable girl that I once was, he was going to see and strong and confident woman who had no need for his bullshit.

I immediately caught sight of David who was grinning annoyingly at me. Fucking bastard. It made me sick to my stomach that he was smiling arrogantly, as if showing that he won this twisted battle against me.

I’d break him.

“Hello gorgeous.” David greeted me with a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to scrub that cheek clean with Clorox. Disgusting piece of garbage. He was so lucky that I had to go along with this and let him kiss my cheek.

I was also desperately trying not to check him out and get wrapped up in how hot he was. FUCK! He smelled so good too. That bastard was wearing my favorite cologne, Yves Saint Laurent. Had I told him that was my favorite men’s cologne? Ugh… that soft yet masculine scent was intoxicating. I quickly sat down at the table, trying to keep my composure.

“Hey David… long time no see.”

“Definitely… I was very shocked when you called…I was under the impression that you had gotten back with Justin and you didn’t want to have anything to do with me.”

I took a seat at the table and tried my best to ignore that comment. I was not going to flip out at this guy; I needed to show that I was strong and independent. I was not the same immature girl that lost it over the slightest comment; all of the pain I had endured had changed me and it was all thanks to David.

“No… I’m trying my best to stand on my own. I don’t need a man to take care of me anymore. I’ve realized that I can stand on my own two feet.”

“That’s great, Nat. I’m so happy for you. You’ve always been a strong person, I’m just glad you’re able to see it for yourself.”

UGH! Now he was trying to kiss ass? This was definitely going to be a long night.

**

            Justin had no idea what to do anymore. His life was changing back and forth so rapidly that he couldn’t tell if he was coming or going. His life, his marriage, his children, his friends, even his business had all proved to him that nothing was absolutely immune from changing.

            There was one thing in his life that he was certain of though; he forgave Natalia. He hadn’t intended to do so, Justin wasn’t even sure if he could forgive her at one time, but miraculously it happened.

            Now he wanted nothing more but to scream his love for her off of rooftops. She was perfect… she was his angel.

            “Ruben?” Justin called the body guard he paid to watch Natalia at all times. She hated the precautions he took, but it was better safe than sorry.

            “Yes Mr. Timberlake?”

            “Where is Natalia right now?”

            “She’s out to dinner at Eyre.” Ruben answered obediently. “It’s on 2nd avenue. Is there a problem?”

            “No no… I just thought I’d come surprise her.”

            If he only knew the surprise would be on him.

**

            “So you’re doing celebrity interviews now? That is so awesome… maybe you’ll meet like Jessica Alba and hook me up.” David laughed.

            “Haha… I definitely would if I did regular celebrity interviews… so far I’m only interviewing musicians…I’m really excited about this.” I said honestly.

            So David wasn’t being a complete asshole; in fact he was being sort of nice. It shocked me even more so that he wasn’t even hitting on me. It was like this whole friend thing now. I was guessing that he must have gotten what he wanted, to hurt me and Justin, and was now satisfied. Fucking bastard.

            “Okay… then hook me up with Kelly Clarkson.., she’s really cute.”

            “Sure, if the day comes that I meet her I’ll be like hey, I have this hot friend David… you should try and hit that.” I giggled and sipped on some of my white zinfandel.

            If I had to drink wine that was like the only kind I drank. That must sound so completely weird since I’m Spanish and we live on wine, but oh well. I just didn’t like the stuff all that much.

            “…Um speaking of relationships… what happened with us?”

            EEEP! The question I had been dreading was finally asked. I shifted uncomfortably in my chair and started downing that glass on wine. The stuffy room was suddenly feeling so confined and my thirst was unquenchable, even with the wine.

            “I…well… uh I’m not sure.” I lied.

            He fucking manipulated me!! I wanted to scream the words and bitch slap him. I wanted to hate him for taking advantage of me, but truth be told, I couldn’t. With one look into his eyes I realized why I had liked him so much. David reached over and put his hand on mine, offering me a sad smile.

            Why do I seem to like all the drug dealing Mafia men?

**

            “Carina… are you busy?” Justin held his cell phone as he drudged down the snowy street. He had found a parking spot about a block away and was hurrying to Eyre where he would see his Natalia.

            He really hoped she wasn’t too busy with whatever work meeting she was attending. Justin just wanted to scoop her up into his arms and carry her away.

            “Um no. What’s up Justin?”

            “I just wanted to thank you for everything that you’ve helped me with this past year. I know I asked for a lot out of you but you did a great job.”

            “Thank you, Justin. I’m having so much fun working for you.” Carina answered honestly.

            It was true. She did have fun sleeping with Justin as well as making his tramp wife feel terrible. Carina wasn’t a bad person but this entire scenario became like a therapy for her.

            “Well… I actually wanted to tell you that I won’t be needing your services anymore.”

            Justin was walking into the restaurant on his cell phone when he spotted Natalia from across the room. A smile crossed his face as he saw his angel engaged in conversation.

            She didn’t even know how sorry he was for hurting her. Justin knew he was an asshole and now all he wanted to do was make things better. Justin was going to confess everything to her and come clean. He knew now that their relationship could only work with trust and honesty.

            The greeter at the restaurant stopped Justin, telling him he needed a reservation. Nothing else mattered at that moment; he just wanted to hold his angel. 500 dollars was given to the man who just took the money quietly.

            “Um… I’m sorry to hear that Justin. I really enjoyed working with you… well… I guess call me if you ever need me to work again.”

            Justin’s gazed at Natalia with a smile; seeing her laughing and happy was something that made him tingle on the inside. Natalia always had that affect on him, her presence alone made him feel like he could be a different man. Blue eyes changed their fixation to the person sitting with Natalia.

            WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE DOING WITH HER?

            “Actually… scratch that… we’re still in business.” Justin said blankly and hung up his phone.

            Justin couldn’t think straight at that moment, but he knew for a fact that he wanted David Boreanaz’s blood staining the floor. He wanted to slap Natalia and hurt her for lying to him. If she didn’t want to get back with him she should have just fucking said so! What was the purpose of leading him on?!

            “That fucking whore.” He said under his breath. He clenched his hand into fists, trying to gain any sort of composure that he could manage.

            Obviously that wasn’t going well. Justin had seriously lost it at that moment. Everything that was good in his life disappeared from his memory and all he saw was Natalia and David holding hands at the table. His beautiful angel was nothing more than a fake; he was going to make sure that phony bitch was going to get hers.

            There was going to be hell to pay.

Chapter 39

            “So do you think that she’ll be able to get his phone?” JC asked Tommy who was reading “The Sun Also Rises” by Ernest Hemmingway.

            It was funny, Tommy never struck JC as someone who was intellectual, in fact, JC often thought that all Tommy cared about was the business. Justin may have ruled the business by name, but Tommy still put his sweat, blood and tears into keeping them all safe. There was still much about Tommy that JC didn’t know and now since his break up with Hope, much was being revealed.

            “I know she will… Natalia knows what’s riding on all of this and I think she wants to bring David down.” Tommy stated without looking up from his novel. “I don’t think any of us, including Justin, really give her enough credit for how resourceful she is.”

            “It sounds like someone’s developing a crush.”

            “No it’s not like that; I love Hope very much and want to be with her, it’s just that I have admiration for Natalia. The girl has been through so much and it’s bloody amazing that she hasn’t broken down.”

            “I agree with you on that… and she puts up with Justin, who I think is schizophrenic.” JC laughed.

            “His life hasn’t been that easy either.”

            “I know…I think he needs to get his ass to counseling or something. His issues with his father, the drugs and-”

            “You know that he slips up sometimes don’t you?” Tommy looked up at JC finally and sighed. “You know why he’s moody… he gets the urges and he’ll go into his stash and indulge. I mean this isn’t often but I know he does…”

            “Are you kidding me?” JC sat back in his chair and placed his hand on his forehead. “I thought he stopped that shit a long time ago.”

            “He can’t handle the business… its put so much pressure on him that he looks for a release. He’s never said anything but I know it.”

            JC was upset with himself for being such a terrible friend to Justin. How could he have not seen through this all? How could he have been so wrapped up in his own problems not to see that Justin needed help?

            “Natalia would set him straight if she knew.”

            “She’d leave him for good if she knew… not that I’d blame her.” Tommy said and shrugged. “But his past is not mine to tell her… I’m just hoping that he’ll come clean now that he has her back.”

            “So do I.” JC looked out the window of the car and stared at the restaurant which they were parked right across the street from. “Who the hell is that?!” JC looked confused when he saw a man who looked exactly like Justin, walk into Eyre.

            JC knew that it wasn’t Justin. It couldn’t be. Justin had no idea where Natalia and David were meeting… hell he hadn’t even known about the meeting. This was just his eyes playing tricks on him.

            Tommy also looked up and caught a glimpse of the tall man walking straight into the restaurant.

            “Oh shit…”

**

            David’s hand was on mine when I finally snapped myself out of the trance he had me under. I moved my hand away from his quickly and knew that I had to hurry up and get my ass to work. I was going to steal his cell phone and I was going to bring down the man I once considered a friend.

            “David… please…”

            “No… you need to hear me out.” David quickly refilled my glass with more wine. He seemed to fumble through his actions and seemed genuinely nervous. I swear I didn’t understand this guy in the least. Was he just a good actor or did he truly have feelings for me? I wasn’t sure.

            “I just want to be friends.” I said interrupting him with a forced smile. “You are a great guy but I’m not ready to be in a relationship with anyone… “

            “I understand that but I just need to get this out… I’ve always cared about you. I mean from the minute I saw you I was just entranced… it was like I realized what my point of living was... and that was to be with you.” He smiled at me, trying to reach his hand for mine again. “I can’t give up on this…the feeling you give me is indescribable.”

            “That’s funny. I used to say that about Natalia too.”

            Someone had intruded on our conversation and stood right before us. I slowly raised my gaze upwards, knowing exactly who that person was. My blood ran cold at the sight of the man I truly loved staring at me with such rage. Justin’s face was contorted with anger and his body language just screamed that he was ready to break something or someone. His fist was curled up so tightly that his knuckles were white from stress. I was truly afraid of what he was capable of.

            “W-w-what are you doing here?” I had turned completely pale seeing Justin in front of me. Not again! Fuck! We had just made up… he had to understand… Damnit.

            “I came to visit you and possibly take you out to celebrate after you’re supposed “business meeting”. Now tell me Nat… were you planning on crawling under the table and blowing him or bringing him into the bathroom?”

            “It wasn’t like that…”

            “Save it.” He waved his hand dismissively. “She gives some good pussy doesn’t she? That’s why I married her. The little slut is so tight… she grips the fuck out of my cock and makes me bust like no other. Too bad she can’t keep her legs closed. I really didn’t want to give it up but it looks like I’m going to have to.”

            “Don’t talk about her that way.” David stood up and crossed his arms over his chest.

            “Why not? I’m telling the truth.” Justin looked over at me with a twisted smile. His arm reached out and grabbed me roughly. Justin’s hands mauled my chest; I struggled against his rough touches, trying to get away from him. “You little fucking slut. I bet you give it up to anyone and everyone…. Did you fuck Tommy at the Christmas party? How about JC? I bet you gave everyone and their brother what was supposed to be ONLY mine!!!”

            He was shaking me roughly. I wanted Justin away from me. I wanted him to calm down. I had to try and reason with him.

            “I love you Justin… I swear to God I haven’t been with anyone. You have to believe me…”

            “FUCK YOU!” He yanked at my hair and pulled my face into his. “One would think I’d be enough dick for you. I fill you up… I make you fucking scream but you’re still not satisfied.”

            I started to struggle twice as hard now, mostly because I can’t stand when my hair is pulled. It just enrages me because my father would use my hair to control me as a kid. So at that moment, all I saw was my father and all my rage for him.

            “GET OFF ME!!!!!”

            David pulled Justin off me and in an attempt to save me he pushed Justin away from me and got up in his face. I was shaking violently from the fear and anger. Justin had never done something like this to me. He had never shown me this anger problem that he had and quite frankly, I was terrified.

            “Natalia’s a good woman and she can do a hell of a lot better than you. You’re a fucking lowlife piece of shit Timberlake. You need to leave her the fuck alone… NOW!”

            I was stunned. Hearing Justin talk about me like that made me feel like vomiting right there and David actually defending me was even crazier. I really was unsure of what was going on but one thought plagued my mind; was the only reason Justin wanted to get back with me was because he liked how I was in bed? I had always said that I was just sex to him… maybe this was him admitting it.

            “AND YOU? YOU’RE A FUCKING HOMEWRECKER!”  Justin picked up my glass of wine and whipped it across David’s face, instantly breaking into pieces.

            I knew I had to get out of there. Justin had lost it and I was afraid of what he was going to do me. I got up to my feet and ran for the exit. The only thing running through my mind was that I had to get the hell away from Justin if I wanted to live. I felt terrible that I left David there, taking the brunt of Justin’s anger, but at the same time, that fucking prick deserved it.

            This was entirely his fault anyway.

**

            Restaurant security was trying to restrain Justin but it seemed impossible, Justin’s anger was at an all time high and he would be damned if he didn’t get to finish this once and for all.

            “Natalia and I have two fucking children… does that mean anything to you?! You fucking split up a family!!”

            “Natalia and those kids deserve someone better than you to be a husband and a father! They deserve a life away from danger!” David screamed at Justin. The man was in so much pain; bits of glass were embedded in his face but he refused to let himself look weak. David knew that he would have to be strong right now… this was all for Natalia.

            Justin’s blue eyes blazed with fury. This man thought that he knew everything? That he was better for Natalia? That was fucking bullshit. Justin knew that Natalia was his and he was not about to let this bastard take her from him.

            “YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME OR MY FAMILY!” Justin’s arm pulled back and a heavy blow hit David in the face. David’s head slammed against the wall, instantly knocking him out.

            The restaurant was in an uproar, people were trying to grab onto Justin and stop him but the Mafia Lord wouldn’t have that. The adrenaline was pumping through his veins as he looked around the restaurant for Natalia. Where the fuck was she? That bitch was not going to get away…not until she heard and felt what he had to say.

            Justin ran out of the restaurant and into the night.

**

            My pumps were furiously clicking on the icy ground as I ran towards my car. I didn’t know if anyone was following me and I was too terrified to turn around and check. I just wanted to be as far away as I could.

            “NATALIA!!!”

            He was after me. I forced myself to run faster. Justin was not going to lay a fucking hand on me. I didn’t care what I had to do… he would not touch me.

            “HELP ME!!!! PLEASE!! SOMEONE HELP ME!!!” I screamed as I sprinted down the street.

            No one seemed to care; no one even looked up as I ran. What the fuck was wrong with these people? How could anyone be so heartless to not even bother to see what was the matter when a girl is screaming her head off? What the fuck is with people today in age?

            “YOU BETTER STOP FUCKING RUNNING!” His voice came from closer behind me.

            I was so close to my car, I knew I just had to make it. Justin had finally lost his mind; I couldn’t believe that I was terrified of losing my life to Justin. I felt like I wouldn’t even be able to reason with him. This wasn’t my Justin… this was someone else wearing his skin… this was a monster.

            I fumbled through my purse for the keys when two hands pushed against my shoulders and threw me into my brand new BMW X5. Besides the fear and pain, I was pretty annoyed at what I imagined to be a horrible dent in the side of my car. That fucking prick bastard… THAT CAR WAS A LEASE!

            “You fucking little bitch. You should know for a fact that you can’t ever get away from me.” His hot breath came down on my neck, causing me to shiver violently at the feeling.

            “HELP ME!!!” I screamed again.

            Justin responded to this by slamming my body into the car again. I knew that bruises would be forming and turn into a lovely shade of purple by tomorrow. I was crying, something I always seemed to be doing lately thanks to Justin. It wasn’t even the physical pain, it was the fact that my heart was breaking. How could he hurt me like this? How could he have any right to put his hands upon me like this?

            I would not be my Mother and allow a man to beat me; that’s what I decided and in an instant, I pushed backwards. Justin stumbled backwards and removed his hands from me. I took this time to turn around and stare at him.

            “You need psychological help.” I was seething with a million different emotions but determination seemed to be the front runner. No man would lay his hands upon me.

            “I DO?! You’re the fucking nymphomaniac who spreads them for the first male she sees.”

            “WHAT? Oh you’re joking right now. You’re the one who isn’t even sure of how many people that he’s slept with. You probably have tons of illegitimate children out there, which is terribly sad… and might I add this…you ARE the one who has to sleep with me multiple times a day to be satisfied!”

            A heavy hand whisked through the air and met my cheek with a force. My mouth hung open for a moment as I stared at him. I knew I shouldn’t have been shocked at how insane Justin was but I couldn’t help it. It was like I was seeing his true colors for the first time.

            “You don’t know jack shit about my past… so don’t even fucking open your mouth.”

            “PLEASE! You’re like a textbook case… your father beat you because he couldn’t stand looking at your miserable ass because your mother died. He didn’t have her around to hit so he started on you… and you’re hitting me because of what you saw and experienced at home. You need to talk to a counselor.” Another slap came across my face.

            “Take my mothers name out of your filthy mouth. I’m not my father and you will never be my mom. She was a good and faithful woman and you are a dirty whore. I should have listened to Joseph Ryan when he told me that you were nothing but a gold digging slut.” Justin pinned me to the car and was talking to my in a way which seemed like he wanted his words to become like venom… and they were.

            How could he bring up those hurtful words? How could he fucking defend Joseph Ryan after he aborted our child? After how he kept us apart? I would not show Justin that he was getting to me because it would only give him satisfaction. He didn’t deserve to get that.

            “Slut, whore… is that the only insult you have? I didn’t sleep with David. YOU ARE CRAZY AND DELUSIONAL!”

            “Yeah right… you didn’t fuck him but I’m sure you would have later that night… you dirty bitch.” He pulled the car keys out of my hand and unlocked the door, shoving me into the backseat. “Aww… how sweet… didn’t we fuck in the backseat before?”

            “I’m not doing ANYTHING with you!” I screamed frantically. “SOMEONE PLEASE!!! HELP ME PLEASE!!”

            Oh God. The only thing that was going through my head was that this was going to be a real life version of “Kim” by Eminem… yeah the one where he kills his wife? I don’t know how many times I’ve said it but Justin had lost his mind because of a misunderstanding. Was he really that easily broken?

            “WHY? Just fucking why?! Why did you do this again?!” He was on top of me, shaking me viciously while the tears fell from his eyes for the first time that night. “I fucking gave you EVERYTHING you wanted… I did anything you fucking wanted! I went fucking ice skating for you… I fucking moved to this disgusting state for you…I WAS WILLING TO CHANGE MY LIFE FOR YOU!”

            WHY THE FUCK WASN’T ANYONE HELPING ME? I knew people were around probably just watching… why didn’t they stop him? Why didn’t they pull him off me? What the fuck was wrong with everyone? This was not like New Yorkers… we all fucking took care of each other… what the hell?

            “Please… Justin… don’t do anything crazy… think about the twins… “ I was struggling against Justin, but all his body weight was on top of me and I could barely breathe, let alone move.

            “SHUT UP!” Justin cupped my face with one hand and pulled down my fishnet stockings with the other. “You’re going to listen and get what’s coming to you.”

            He was not about to do what I thought he was… was he? He was not going to force himself on me?

            “HELP!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!! HE’S GOING TO KILL ME PLEASE!! THIS ISN’T A JOKE!! PLEASE!!!”

            If I got out of this, I was definitely taking a self defense class and getting my ass to church. That was all that was going through my head as I kneed Justin over and over, trying to weaken his grip on him. I was writhing, doing anything I could to wiggle out of his grip but it was feeling futile after a while.

            Joshua Scott Chasez suddenly yanked Justin off of me and became a savior in my eyes. I completely overlooked the fact that he and Tommy promised me that they were not going to let anything bad happen to me. They were here now and getting Justin the hell away from me, that was the most important thing.

            “Go… Natalia get the hell out of here.” JC tossed my car keys at me and slammed my car door shut. I sat bewildered for a moment as I locked the car door.

            This had most certainly not happened… had it? I let out a fearful shiver at the thought of what could have been if it wasn’t for JC and Tommy who were now restraining Justin.

            “Drive Natalia!!” The Irish accent knocked me out of my thoughts and with a simple nod; I climbed into the drivers seat and started my car up.

            “DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE LEAVE NATALIA!!” Justin screamed and sent a heavy kick to my car window.

            Everything was moving in slow motion for me. I knew exactly what was going on and what I was doing; but this all still felt like a fucked up dream. The Justin that I fell in love with would never lay a hand upon me… or would he? I was truly starting to believe that I didn’t know a damn thing when it came down to it. Had the business changed him… or was this just his personality all along? I mean the guy killed people for a living when I met him… but he just seemed gentle then.

            I was wrong.

            I drove to the house of the one person that I knew would understand. Ricky Seaver would understand and find a way to fix all of this. My face was soaking wet with tears that had fallen so hard. I just wanted to go back to a time before all this drama ensued. Isn’t it great to wish for the impossible?

**

            “FUCK YOU!” Justin was finally released after Natalia had driven away. Both Tommy and JC were concerned for her safety and the mental state of their best friend. Justin was clearly losing his mind. “How fucking dare either of you get involved in something that was between ME and MY WIFE?!”

            “Dude… we’re just watching out for you… you need to relax a little…” JC stated honestly. He was terrified for his friend, especially because what Tommy had told him. Was Justin really on cocaine again?

            This angered JC. But he knew that attacking Justin would do nothing but send him tumbling deeper into the drugs. It just seemed so odd that Justin would go back on this stuff after almost over dosing dozens of times.  There was so much more… the way Justin got the drugs… the way he sold himself for the drugs. It was all so twisted and disgusting but he thought that was all behind Justin… obviously not.

            “FUCK THAT! She needs to be taught a fucking lesson!”

            “You fucking psychopath. She was talking to the guy and this is how you react?!” Tommy was ready to punch Justin is his face. Natalia was a good girl and it was horrible that they couldn’t just tell Justin the truth about why Natalia was speaking to David.

            That was Natalia’s tale to tell anyway, not theirs.

            “SHE HAD HIM BEFORE WHATS TO STOP HER NOW?!” Justin raged. “Why are the both of you defending her?! Don’t fucking tell me the two of you are gang banging her?!”

            “Why is everything about sex to you? I think that’s a better question!” Tommy glared at Justin and was just about ready to raise his fist and punch him in the face. Tommy had the utmost respect for Natalia, and listening speak such filth about someone who had become a close friend to him was disgusting.

            “FUCK BOTH OF YOU! You were supposed to be my fucking friends… you were supposed to be on my fucking side!” Justin shoved Tommy and JC away from him.

            “J don’t be like this… we’re just trying to help you…” JC was always trying to be the voice of reason and usually it worked… but not this time. Justin was walking away from his friends with his fists clenched tightly at his sides.

            “You’re either with me or against me… just remember that because it applies to friendship and business.”

Chapter 40

            I walked into Ricky’s apartment, after hiding my car somewhere Justin wouldn’t see it. I didn’t want him to know where I was at all, not till he calmed down. Millions of thoughts were running through my mind, but one that I was trying to believe was that Justin was just having a bad moment… he would never want to hurt me like that.

            “Ricky?” I locked the door behind me, bolting it shut and went looking for my best friend. “Louis? Anyone?”

            I was still extremely shaken up and just wanted my best friend to comfort me. I rubbed my tear-filled eyes and continued to look for Ricky or Louis.

            “In the living room, Nat!” I heard Savannah’s voice call out to me. Without another thought, I ran into the room and practically jumped into Ricky’s arms.

            “What happened?” I heard the concern in Ricky’s voice but didn’t even bother to look up to see his face. I just sobbed into his shoulder while he embraced me tightly.

            “Calm her down… I’m calling JC. I want to know what the fuck is going on.” Savannah exclaimed and pulled out her cell phone. I knew she was pissed off and she was going to give JC and Tommy and piece of her mind.

            It was like everything in my life was falling to pieces. Every time things would return to normal, they would return to hell just as quickly. It wasn’t fair, I just wanted the best life for my children, I just wanted to save my friends and family. How could doing a good deed turn into something so completely horrible?

            Well maybe it wasn’t good for David… but he fucking deserved it in the long run!

            “Justin…he showed up. He… he just went crazy.” I said dazed.

            “He saw you with David?” Ricky asked, stunned. I rubbed my eyes and just nodded, “yes”.

            So I was breaking once again, my new found strength and left my body the minute Justin walked into that restaurant. My still broken heart crumbled to dust. There was nothing left anymore.

            “Oh my God… Natty babe…” Louis walked over to me and for the first time I noticed that the three of them were playing the game of Life. It made me smile slightly at the memory I had.

            **

            “So I’m officially a millionaire… and how much money do you have? 300 thousand?” I giggled. I was a sore winner… so sue me?

            “That’s because you went to college and became a freakin accountant. I hope you know that most of the money you have is from me because I landed on every “pay tax” spot.” Justin sighed. “And I have like 7 kids. Two don’t even fit in the car. This isn’t cool.”

            “Come on Justin… don’t you want 7 kids.” I giggled as he stared at me like I had 3 heads.

            “Um… maybe like 4… 6 the absolute most. But I’d like 4, it’s a nice even number.” Justin said.

All I could do was laugh, 4 kids really even seemed like a lot to me but I would do whatever he wanted. I loved him and all I wanted to do was to make him happy. Justin really was my world, along with the twins of course.

“But I’d like to have another baby soon…” He stated, causing me to look up from the board game shocked.

The twins were about to turn two and I was not going to become pregnant with two toddlers running around. Everyone said that the “terrible twos” was the year where children were the most difficult to handle. Maybe I’d try for another baby when they were at least 4 or 5 but definitely not yet.

“Um… so soon babe?” I asked nervously.

“Why not? Maybe we could even start adopting and get like a soccer team like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.”

“You’re joking.” I said as the color drained from my face. That was more children than I could handle! Two freakin’ seemed like enough to me.

“No… in fact… why don’t we just buy our own island and populate it with our love children.” Justin cracked after that and just burst out laughing. I leaned over and smacked his arm.

“That wasn’t funny!”

“Yes it was… you are so gullible, baby girl.”

“You’re mean!” I whined, causing him to laugh again.

“And you’re hot. Deal with it.” He smirked. “And can we stop playing Life. I’m not catching up to you so what’s the point in even trying.”

“Fine you sore loser…” I stuck my tongue out at him. “What do you want to do then?”

Justin laid down on the floor on his side and smiled up at me. His hand reached up and grazed my cheek softly, sending chills through my body. “How about we start a new game?”

“What game would that be?” I asked innocently, purposely batting my eyelashes to add to the innocence I was trying to portray.

“Who can take their clothes off faster.”

“It sounds boring.” I hid a smirk while he grew impatient.

“I’ll make it fun… I promise…“ His hand trailed down from my face and slowly made its way down my neck. He knew the places to touch me that were sensitive and would immediately add to my already burning desire for him.

He had me, just the way I had him. I leaned down and kissed him, letting my hands roam his body. Justin possessed me in every possible way someone could. My mind, heart, body and soul all belonged to him. He completed me in more ways than anyone could ever imagine.

If anyone knew that they definitely had a soul mate, it was me.

**

“Don’t stress about it anymore, Nat. Justin isn’t going to bother you tonight… I bet Tommy and JC are calming him down right now.” Savannah said and wrapped a comforting arm around me. Nothing could make me feel better at a moment like this.

All of them spoke so easily about the situation, but none of them were really there. They didn’t see the rage in Justin’s eyes and the urge to kill. If he would have had a few more minutes with me, He would have raped me and probably killed me.

How was I supposed to forgive that this time? How could I be okay with him putting his hands on me and blatantly beating me? There was no remorse in his eyes… there was nothing familiar in his eyes. He wasn’t the man I fell in love with.

“Savannah’s right… you just need to relax tonight. Eat a shit load of junk food, cry if you want and then tomorrow get this all straightened out.” Ricky offered me a sad smile. “Remember, as Miss Scarlett O’Hara said… “ After all, tomorrow is another day…”, so babe, don’t worry about Justin…he’s probably kicking himself for acting like an asshole.”

I jumped up suddenly when a loud banging sound came from the front door. My eyes immediately turned to Ricky who stood up quickly with a stunned look on his face. He definitely couldn’t have been more stunned than me.

“OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR RIGHT NOW! I KNOW THAT BITCH IS IN THERE!”

Shaking, that was all I could do when I heard his voice from the other side of the door. I couldn’t erase this one thought from my mind; Justin was going to kill me. I was silently wishing I would have listened to everyone who was trying to keep us apart, maybe then everything would be better. But in my heart, I knew I could never give up the amazing relationship I had with Justin and most importantly I wouldn’t trade my children for anything.

I could not regret the happiness I had in my life.

“Get her out of here…” Louis yanked me up by the arm and shoved me into Savannah’s waiting arms. “Hide her.”

Savannah pulled me into the bedroom and instructed me to hide in the closet. She promised everything would be all right, but quite honestly, I couldn’t believe her. How could she or anyone know for sure that Justin was not going to come in here waving a gun in the air.

I sat on the floor of the closet, rocking back and forth. How could this of become my life? How could things that were so great fall and turn into hell so quickly?

“Where the fuck is she Ricky? I’m not fucking playing!”

“Justin calm the hell down… she’s not here!” Ricky replied. Oh God… I had a terrible feeling about all of this.

I wanted to cut so badly at that moment. Every time the going gets tough that seems to run through my head. I try so hard not to do it, I try so hard to be strong, but at moments like this it feels so utterly useless.

At a moment like this all I could do was listen and wait for the inevitable.

**

            Boiling hate, blinding rage, and an unquenchable thirst for revenge. That was all Ricky saw when he looked at Justin who was now standing in his living room.  He was terrified of him to sum it up lightly.

            “DON’T FUCKING LIE TO ME… WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?!” Ricky, Louis and Savannah all winced, bracing themselves for pain, when Justin picked up a table lamp and chucked it. It thankfully missed them all but slammed into the wall, more specifically a picture of Natalia which hung on the wall.

            “Justin… she’s not here… why are you so angry? What happened?” Louis asked.

            Justin looked at him, and for a split second, there was no anger just a look of absolute misery. He was in pain and not at all happy at what was going on. Louis knew he had to straighten this out… for all their sakes.

            “She … she’s cheating on me again… with David…” He broke down crying in front of Natalia’s three friends.

            “This guy is definitely like schizophrenic or bipolar or something…” Ricky whispered to Savannah, who elbowed him in the side, trying to get him to shut up.

            “How do you know?” Louis asked, slowly walking over to Justin. “Maybe you were mistaken…”

            “I was not fucking mistaken… I SAW HER WITH HIM!” Justin exclaimed, shoving Louis away. He was feeling a mix of emotions, but he knew as soon as he got to his car and took another hit of that white powder, he’d feel better. Cocaine was the only thing that could cure him from what he was feeling.

            Justin couldn’t trust any of these people; he knew that for a fact. They were all on Natalia’s side; they were just like the gorgeous conniving bitch he married. Justin also knew how crazy he looked, but no one understood what it felt like to walk in on Natalia with David, and then forgiving her was even harder… but now she was at it again? He felt like he was dying and there was nothing left to lose.

            “Justin, she loves you and she wouldn’t jeopardize your relationship.” Ricky reasoned while Justin shook his head wildly. He was on the brink of a breakdown, that was evident to all of them, but Ricky for one wasn’t going to let anyone he loved get bullied by Justin. “And watch your fucking hands bro. You put your hands on him again and I fuck your face up.”

            “I’d like to see you try.” Justin replied darkly, rubbing his nose. Ricky had just about lost it, first Justin was harassing Natalia and now Louis. This was going to end right now. Ricky knew he had to make sure to stop this psycho from going any further.

            “Boys… calm the hell down. Ricky… he isn’t worth it… and Justin… Natalia isn’t fucking here… she’s obviously hiding because your acting like a crazy person so would you just LEAVE before we call the damn cops.” Savannah declared, wildly pointing her finger at him and then at the door.

            “Fuck you Savannah. I’ve fucking helped you through your entire situation… kept shit from my boy JC for you and now you have the fucking balls to tell me to calm the fuck down and threaten to call the cops? You’re a fucking self centered bitch… the all of you fucking are.”

            “J… go chill out and find Natalia when you got your shit straightened out.” Louis sighed and ushered Justin toward the door. Justin immediately pushed away from Louis’s grip, growing more enraged.

            “FUCK Y’ALL. You aren’t friends… you’re all fucking opportunists who have your own problems and are venting towards me cause you don’t know how else to get out your fucking rage…Louis… why don’t you tell Ricky what you told me? How you’re getting scared of how serious y’all are… and Savannah… you’re yelling at me because you are a miserable fucking bitch… JC won’t marry you… yeah? Get the fuck over it. I guess he’s taking the cue from me and realizing that you shouldn’t marry a WHORE!” Justin ranted from the doorway while Savannah, Ricky and Louis all stood stupefied.

            “How could you be so cruel?” The southern girl asked, crushed. Justin was one of her best friends, who helped her throughout her rape and actually gave her insight into the mind of JC. She couldn’t understand how he could throw the things she confided in him, at her.

            “I wasn’t always like this… thank your friend.” The sad man rubbed his nose and looked down. “I started my life over when I met her… I had a clean slate… she was the first person I ever opened myself up to… what a mistake that was.”

            Ricky didn’t know if he should believe Justin and his rantings. There was obviously more than met the eye with him; something just seemed to be very off with him and it wasn’t just the Natalia issue. Justin seemed like a completely different person, was this his childhood experiences surfacing? Or some alcohol abuse? Or had Justin actually just gone over the deep end?

            “Just leave Justin…”

            “Gladly. Tell Natalia to rot in fucking hell when you see her.” With that Justin Timberlake turned his back and walked away, leaving four broken people behind him.

Chapter 41

            I was in such pain and agony, not physical but just emotional. I went to my Mother’s house, just because I wanted to isolate myself for a little while. It’s this pattern I have, I isolate myself when things go wrong because I don’t know what else to do. But anyway, I was at my Mom’s house, feeling absolutely wretched and I guessed my Mom picked up on that. Thinking back on it, one would have to be blind to not pick up on it.

            “Natalia… vamos a comer…I made your favorite…“ Isabel Fuentes-Kirkland, called to me from the dining room. I was busy typing away on my laptop, not thrilled about the thought of food. I didn’t think I could put anything in my stomach and hold it down.

            “I’m not hungry Mami… maybe later.”

            “NATALIA SOLANA! Do not make me get up!”

            I exhaled softly and shut my laptop shut. I wasn’t going to argue with my Mother, I just didn’t have the strength to. I walked into the dining room where my mother, her husband and the twins sat. A fake smile was flashed as I blankly sat down at the table.

            “Eat, mija… you need to stop working so hard. You look so tired.”

            “I’m fine.” I looked down at my plate of food, becoming repulsed. Congrese was my favorite food but I just didn’t want to eat it.

Justin had just made me feel so terrible that nothing just seemed like it mattered. Depression was just making me work harder and isolate myself from everyone.

“Natalia! Do not make me mad… eat your food. No te pongas inferma por ese hijo de puta.”

My gaze shot up to stare at my Mother; how the hell did she know that the reason for my distress was Justin? How the hell did Mothers know everything?

“I’m not sick, Mom. I’m just stressed from work.” I took the tiniest bite of food and felt my stomach start turning. I hadn’t been able to hold any food down for the last week or so. I was basically living on coffee… not by choice though. My depression was just getting the best of me… Justin was getting the best of me.

“I bet its drugs… that’s what all the young kids are doing these days anyway.” William Kirkland stated from the other end of the table. “Cocaine to be skinny and energetic… marijuana to relax… ecstasy to have sex all night…”

“William!” My Mother screamed. She knew this conversation wasn’t headed in the right direction so she shooed the twins out of the room quickly. “Mi hija no hace esa mierda! Shut your mouth or leave!”

“I know better than to do drugs. My father happened to be a massive drug addict and I would never allow myself to follow in his footsteps and mess up my life.” I narrowed my eyebrows angrily at my stepfather. I usually would have just ignored his remarks but I was ready to blow up at the first person that started with me, and unfortunately it was him. “Another thing asshole, you are damn lucky to have a woman like my Mother… so appreciate her… she puts up with your bullshit and she fucking shouldn’t. You are a bitter son of a bitch who loves to see everyone around him fail. I bet you get the fuck off on the fact that I’m divorcing the Mafia Lord who put the once golden Med student into Jail. The one you were jealous of because you knew you and your family could never even come close to matching him in intellect.”

“NATALIA!! ENOUGH!” My mother exclaimed, practically in tears.

“Wanna hear the bitter truth, William? If my Mother didn’t need the money… she would never stay with you. Though she denies it now… the love of her life was and will always be my father, Ramon Fuentes. He was a dick, that’s a given, but my Mother and I live mirrored lives… we love only once in a lifetime and with all of our hearts.” I smirked and stared him right in the face, feeling positively evil. “I’ll probably end up with the same fate as her…divorcing my husband, becoming bitter, and marrying an asshole to pay my bills. I’ll marry someone beneath me… who isn’t worthy to breathe the same air as me, and you know what… I’ll do it w-“

William launched his hand across the table and cracked me across the face. I stumbled back slightly; ready to open my mouth again and continue my tirade, when my Mother lived up to the person I always knew she was; the strong independent female who didn’t need anyone but herself.

“William… GET OUT!” She pointed to the door, seething with anger. “Never step foot in my house again and NEVER touch my daughter again. I’m going to set an example from this point on to my daughter and granddaughter… you don’t need a man to survive!”

My Stepfather stood stunned for a moment, before pushing his chair aside and walking out the door. I felt bad for a moment, but it passed. William hated Andrew and I, we always plotted to get rid of him and support my mother financially.

We… well atleast I… was going to get the chance.

            “Mom… I’m sorry….” I looked at her as she started to clear the table.

            “Mija… don’t worry… you gave me the strength to do something I’ve been wanting to do for years.” Isabel said and walked into the kitchen. I walked after her, wanting an answer to fill my curiosity. “Natalia… everything you said was true. I married William to be a father to you and Andrew… but he did nothing but belittle all of us. He financially supported us, which I’m thankful for… but I don’t need him anymore. My children are grown and I can certainly support myself.”

            “I didn’t know you really felt that way Mommy… I was just trying to push his buttons.”

            “Natalia… I want you to be strong and independent. I want you to work hard and raise your children without having to succumb to a man that certainly isn’t worthy of you. It’s time for me to set an example…”

            I don’t think I ever felt as close to my Mom as I did at that moment. I wanted nothing more but to open up to her and tell her everything that was going on in my life.

            “Mami… we need to talk… I need to tell you what’s been going on the last month or so…”

**

The image of her face wouldn't leave his mind; blonde-brown hair framed her smiling face as she looked up at him. But it wasn't Natalia looking up at him; it was Carina smiling deviously at him as she grabbed his hard cock roughly. Carina would never be Natalia; she would never have the innocence, the personality, the essence that made Natalia unique.

When it came down to it... Carina was just a pretty face and a good fuck. She wasn't for him. The woman who was meant for him was nothing but a tramp. The anger he suddenly felt caused him to grab Carina by the hair roughly.

"Stop fucking playing and suck my cock."

"Someone's in a nasty mood tonight..."

"What the fuck am I paying you for... to kiss and cuddle? Get started and blow me. Earn your fucking money."

            A glare was sent his way, but it quickly faded. Carina knew better than to bite the hand that fed her. She leaned down on all fours to Justin's massive cock and went to work. She licked up and down his thick shaft, getting it wet enough so it could slide in and out of her mouth easier.

Closing his eyes, Justin imagined that it was Natalia's mouth sucking him off so wonderfully. Natalia was so perfect, that's why it was killing him so much that she had cheated on him. He couldn't understand what was so special about David, his cock certainly wasn't bigger than his and David certainly didn't have more money than he. What kept drawing Natalia back to him?

The thoughts of his obsession haunted him. Natalia’s face would not go away, he never had a moments peace; even when he slept she was on his mind.  He’d stare at pictures, pretend Carina was Natalia and even follow Natalia around. Justin knew this wasn’t healthy, he knew that he was walking a thin line in keeping his sanity, but doing all this was what kept him from going over the deep end.

She had no idea of course; Natalia was too naïve. That was the part of her that he loved, her innocence. Natalia thought that everyone was out to do her good. Justin loved that optimism in his absolutely hellish world.

“I know you can fucking use your mouth better. Let’s go.” Justin yanked Carina’s hair, causing her to let out a squeal of pain. Carina was used to all this treatment; Justin was rough on her because he had no outlet for his emotions. Sex was his way of venting, and he was addicted to it. So much had happened in his life, so much pain and anguish; speaking it aloud was something that would never happen, so he found an alternative means of getting his feelings out somehow.

Bored from watching Carina blow him, Justin hit the remote control and turned on one of the many homemade sex tapes he had of he and Natalia. He had watched them all religiously now, trying to relive those moments.

There was the 19 year old girl he fell in love with. There was the girl who would never hurt him. The reality of it all was that Natalia had changed, and she didn’t love him anymore. Anyone who would cheat obviously wasn’t in love with their partner. Everything beautiful they once had was now reduced to ruble by that bastard David Boreanaz.

The sound of Natalia moaning on the tape filled his ears. The anger was erased and filled with a need to please her. Gripping a fist full of Carina’s hair, Justin thrust upwards, trying to mimic the motions of his younger self pounding away at Natalia.

It was almost like it was real, it was almost like he really was fucking Natalia, and giving it to her the way she begged for it. He bit down on his lip, hard enough so blood trickled down his chin. Justin’s obsession would be his downfall.

He was feening for an orgasm and another snort of coke. Those were the only things that gave him any sort of pleasure and comfort anymore. It was coming down to that was the only things he needed to survive an empty life without her.

His fall back into drugs had started innocently enough, Justin promised himself that he wouldn’t let himself get addicted again, he would just use the drugs as an out when life got to heavy for him. Soon life was becoming too troubled everyday and Justin was snorting more and more.

When Natalia cheated on him, coke became his out, it transferred him to a world where he didn’t need anything else but his drugs and memories. He did manage to cut back when he thought he was getting her back, but that turned out to be a load of bullshit.

“Natalia… “ Her name slipped from his mouth as his delusions ran through his distorted mind. “I love you…I love you… I fucking hate you!!” Cumming hard, he slipped back into his reality, where Carina was staring at him like he was absolutely insane.

“You fucking psycho… you almost choked me!” Carina coughed and rubbed her throat.

“Deal with it.” Justin hissed and climbed out of the bed. He immediately shut the TV off, not wanting to look at the deceitful face on his fallen angel any longer.

An image, a video, a memory… they were nothing in comparison to the real thing. Walking to the dresser, Justin opened a small box where 3 fat lines of coke were waiting to be snorted. A rush hit him quickly, and the Mafia Lord stared at his reflection in the mirror. Dark circle adorned his dark blue eyes; he looked empty, broken and depressed.

If Natalia only knew this was all her fault.

“Why don’t you just forgive her already? I mean I like this job and all… the money is great… but you really look like your falling apart.” Carina spoke from the bed. He glanced up and stared at the beautiful girl pulling on her clothes.

“Did I ask for your opinion?”

            “No… I just”

            “Just shut up. You’re money is on the night stand. I have work… I’ll call you later so we can get together again.”

            With that, Justin walked to one of his newly acquired warehouses where Eduardo Diaz was being held captive.

**

            “You went back to him behind my back?” My Mother asked, obviously hurt that I had kept so much from her. I shook my head yes and just stared at the floor, not ashamed of what I did, but ashamed that I couldn’t be honest with my Mother.

            I had begun the story after she brewed us some coffee, which I was downing. I was living off coffee lately, it was the only thing I could really hold down without throwing up.

            “I love him, Mom. I know his life is dangerous… and I know that you dislike him… but something about him always draws me back to him. So I went back… but there was someone else still there. Unfinished business so to speak.”

            “You were dating another man?”

            “For a little while… yes... And Justin found out that I was cheating on him and things didn’t go over very well.” I sighed and looked down at my white mug. “I think David is the biggest regret of my life.”

            “Maybe it was all for the best, Natalia…” My Mother put her hand on mine. “This just will give you the opportunity to be on your own and focus on your work and family.”

            “If only it were that easy…. Mami… that is just the first half of the story…”

            “Ave Maria…”  

            “Okay… so after that Justin just started to try and make me jealous. I knew he was upset about everything that happened, so in turn everything he did was a way to try and hurt me in return. So he started dating another girl, he would say and do cruel things; I see now that it was only to make me feel as bad as he felt, and if he only knew that I probably felt worse.” I wiped a stray tear away and looked down. “But I tried to be strong throughout it all… and then on my birthday Justin changed and started to be nice. He took me out with the twins and it was really nice. It was like he was starting to just look past everything that happened…”

            “And you’re back together with him?” She stared at me angrily, causing me to look down to the floor.

            “I was… for a week or two… and then I found out some stuff about David… some bad things. I went to go sort it out…and Justin saw me with him and got the wrong idea. He freaked out and …. I’ve never seen him so violent and angry…”

            I wasn’t going to cry… I wasn’t going to cry! If I kept repeating that enough maybe I would actually not cry. That shit definitely did not work, because the water works started soon after.

            “I don’t understand how these things could have happened to you, Natalia. Me duele tanto to see how much you and Andrew are both suffering for the sins Eduardo y tu papa committed.”

            “What?” I looked at my Mother confused and stunned. This new revelation was almost too much for me to comprehend. My Father was involved in drug dealing and the Mafia? How could I have not known about this?

            “Nothing… just tell me the rest of what happened.” Isabel Fuentes said as she stood up and started to tidy up the table. I knew she didn’t want to make eye contact with me in fear of revealing the truth which was already so evident.

            “Dad was in the Mafia like Uncle Eduardo…. Wait… you knew all along that Eduardo was in the Mafia?”

            I sat back as the lies that held up my family came tumbling down. It was crazy how one sentence made everything fall into place.

            “Your Father and Uncle were into a lot of bad things. I just was under the impression that Eduardo had stopped.”

            “How did you not tell me something like that? How do you not tell Andy something like that?”

            WHOA! Okay. So does that make me like a Mafia daughter or something? Oh God. I was like in the same ranks as Tommy. Um… that’s kind of a scary though actually. No wonder why I’m always dating Mafia related men… I’m a fucking Mafia daughter.

            “Natalia there are just some things that are hard to say. Where would I have began? You seem to think that everything is so simple… I’ve lived a very hard life… and I admit that I’ve made bad mistakes. But I didn’t know what to do…” She sighed and looked down. “Now you know…I don’t know if this will help you or harm you… but you know the truth now.”

            “This is what happens when people aren’t honest! Mami, we could have avoided the kidnapping and Andrew ruining his life if you would have been open with us!”

            “I thought that was all in the past! Your Tio Eduardo swore to all of us that he was out of that life, he chose Ramona and his children over it, he claimed. Your Father on the other hand, chose to let his greed control him.”

            So that was the reason my parents divorced? My Dad had his addictions but my Mom tried to stick by him; I guess when it came down to it, I really was living a paralleled life with my Mother. My parents inevitably split up because she couldn’t handle the violent lifestyle.

            Oh God.

            “Oh Mami… I see it all so clearly now…I understand why you hated Justin so much. I understand why you didn’t want to speak to me or Andrew.” I put my hand on my Mothers and watched her as she stared off with the pain etched on her face. “It must have been so horrible for you to watch your family commit the same errors that went on years earlier.”

            “I wanted nothing more than to save my family… including mi hermano. I wanted so badly to see everyone happy and living normal healthy lives. That’s why we came to Los Estados Unidos in the first place, to leave the poverty in Spain, and start a new life in the land of opportunity. I met your Father who escaped from Cuba; and he had such dreams… but as soon as he got involved in the drugs, he changed and so did everything else.”

            “And you were just trying to protect us from the same fate.”

            “Yes, I thought I had done a good job, Andrew was in Medical School… you were in College… and then everything changed once again, and I was very scared.”

            I hugged my Mother, not knowing what else to do at a moment like this. There were so many more questions that I was dying to know the answer to, but I didn’t want to overwhelm my Mother. Everything that had happened was probably extremely draining on her, I just wanted her to feel better.

            “Rest tonight, Mami… tomorrow we’ll go see Andrew… and maybe take the twins so they can meet their Uncle Andy. We’re going to try to get him out of jail and back into Medical school. You are going to have your two professional children and we are going to make you proud.”

            My Mother didn’t say anything in response, but a tear rolled down her face. I know she wanted nothing more but to see what I was saying transformed into a reality.

I had to make it real for her. Fuck everything else that was unimportant, my family needed to come first.

Chapter 42

            Justin smiled brightly as he circled around Eduardo Diaz, who was tied to a chair in the basement of one of Justin’s factories. Eduardo sat bruised, bloodied and tired; he had endured much abuse because he simply would not tell Justin what he wanted to hear. Eduardo would not give up the name of the head of the Lopez family.

            “You’re looking well today, Tio Eduardo. You seem much better than yesterday when you kept blacking out when I was trying to question you.” Justin held a small pocket knife in his hand which he twirled the point of on his index finger. “Although maybe we need a little refresher of that if you don’t cooperate.”

            A glare and silence was what Justin was replied with, which just made Justin’s fury grow. Justin knew that he had to do and say whatever he could to get a reaction out of Eduardo.

            “How about I go visit your family? I still remember where the store is… the one where I kidnapped Natalia and shot Andrew.” Justin grinned menacingly. “I’ve obviously already fucked your whore niece… how about I go after your daughter… how old is little Anabel now?  16?”

            “Hijo de la gran puta! You are going to die before you get the chance to touch Anabel or Natalia ever again!”

            “Not to sound too childish… but I’ll kill you before you even try. Anyway, I could fuck your little slut niece tonight if I wanted… she spreads her legs to anyone.”

            “You’re right about one thing Timberlake, I won’t kill you. Maybe the stupid Lopez boys won’t even… but he will.” Eduardo laughed viciously.

            Justin grew more enraged by every word Eduardo spoke. Did he really think that he could take on Justin Timberlake and win? No one could beat him. He was invincible.

            “WHO WILL?”

            More laughter emerged from Eduardo which caused Justin to lose the little composer he had left. Lunging for his wife’s uncle; Justin’s hands wrapped around Eduardo’s throat, squeezing as hard as he could.

            “NOT SO SLICK NOW… ARE YOU?”

            The chair tumbled backwards and Justin was on top of him. Eduardo, still tied to the chair, struggled against Justin’s grip. A gargled sound came from his throat, which caused Justin to laugh.

            “You can’t kill me. No one can. You’re fucking nephew thought he could and look where that went!” Justin’s grasp was suddenly removed when the sound of JC’s voice filled the room.

            “Justin! What the fuck?!” JC grabbed Justin by the shoulders practically throwing him across the room.

            On JC’s part, that was probably a big mistake because Justin’s rage just seemed  to peak. Justin stood oddly quiet just staring at JC. It was obvious that Justin was slowly breaking down, it was only a matter of when he would completely fall.

            “You have some balls Chasez.”

            “What? I have some balls? You’re the one acting like a lunatic. Do you even care that along with your wife, you’re losing your friends?” JC spat angrily. It didn’t even matter to him that Eduardo was hearing everything that was going on. This all needed to be said.

            “Fuck you. None of you give a shit about me anymore, your taking that little bitch’s side, so fuck it, go right the fuck ahead. You don’t know what it’s like to know that your wife is going around giving it up to a fucking asshole.”

            “Oh I don’t? I’ll let you in on a secret Justin… Savannah is sleeping with Lance. I’m not fucking stupid, I see all the signs… but I can’t say anything because I know it’s my fault. She turned to someone else because I can’t give her what she wants.”

            Justin stared at JC in shock, was his friend that much of a pussy that he was okay with another man sticking it to his girl? Justin grabbed JC’s arm, pulling him out of the storage house for a stroll on the docks.

            “As long as we’re airing out our dirty laundry… why don’t you want to marry her, blue?”

            “You can’t get married if you already are.”

            “WHAT?”

            “I was 18… and I married my high school sweet heart… I loved Lauren. She was so sweet and carefree… she made me feel alive. I still love her.”

            “And you fucking lied to Savannah all this time? You fucked with her head?” Justin’s temper rose to the forefront. “You’re worse than Natalia and Tommy.”

            “I’m not done with the story so stop judging me.” Josh took a deep breath and looked down at his feet as they walked along the dock. “Before I met you or Tommy… there was an accident… Lauren was walking home from her job. It was a hit and run… to this day I don’t know who the asshole was… but I wish I could kill him and make him feel the pain that Lauren did.” JC paused before speaking again. It was like he was trying to place his words carefully. “I mean, I love Savannah, she’s amazing and I know that she’s my soul mate. Savannah is everything Lauren was and so much more. She’s the woman that I know I could start a family with and live happily ever after. It’s just that… Lauren isn’t dead… she’s been comatose for the last 10 years.”

            “C… I’m so sorry… I didn’t know…”

            JC merely shrugged his shoulders, showing that he had come to terms with everything. “I never wanted anyone to know… but whatever. I couldn’t pay the hospital bills while going to school and working… so that was when I got involved with Tommy and Joseph.” JC looked up at Justin for the first time since he began speaking of his past. “I don’t have the heart to stop taking care of her or end the marriage. She was my first love and I know that there’s no chance for her to ever wake up… I’d just feel so guilty.”

            “I really don’t know what to tell you bro. That whole thing is your decision, but I do think you should tell Savannah about it. She’s voiced to me that she thinks the reason why you won’t marry her is because you don’t love her.”

            “I guess the both of us have a lot of secrets to confess.” JC said, looking Justin dead in the eyes. Justin uncomfortably looked down, rubbing his nose.

            “I’m not confessing anything to her.”

            “Well how about you confess this to me… Tommy and I both know you’re doing drugs again.”

            Justin felt his breath catch in his throat. No one but Carina and Trace actually knew that he was doing coke. He wanted to keep it that way too. Oh God… had Natalia already known? Justin felt himself grow nauseous at the thought of his angel learning the truth about his past. He may have been angry at her but he still loved her and her learning about the self defacing things would kill him.

            “We won’t tell her Justin… that’s your own business, but I want you to know that I’m here for you when you’re ready to tell me what’s been going on. I want to help you.” JC’s hands gripped Justin’s shoulders, trying to make some sort of eye contact with his friend.

            “Okay.”

            “By the way… another message from my story is this… don’t always believe everything you see. There is always an explanation behind even the most damaging things.”

**

            “Mom? Nat?” Andrew asked with tears in his eyes. This was my second time seeing my brother in 3 years so everything was still very emotional for me. I embraced him tightly while my Mom just burst out crying.

            I guess seeing her two children together was just too much for her. I guess I wouldn’t blame her for that, if I wouldn’t be able to see Samantha and Nikolas together for 3 years, I think I’d be more than emotional.

            “Mis ninos… te quiero mucho. Ja somos una familia otra ves.” My Mother, who was holding the hands of Sam and Nick, let them go to hug Andy and I. I made sure to keep an eye on the twins, who seemed nervous and timid.

            “We’ve always been a family and we always will be… no matter what happens.” Andrew replied and placed a kiss on our Mother’s cheek.

            “Andy, I think you’re long overdue for meeting two very important people.” I pulled Samantha and Nikolas closer to me and smiled. “Nikolas, Samantha…. This is you’re Uncle Andy.”

            Andrew, who looked more and more exhausted every time I saw him, knelt down in front of his niece and nephew and embraced them. My Mom began to cry harder at this sight. I can say it even made me get a little teary eyed.

            “Hey guys… I’ve been looking forward to meeting you for a long time.” Andy stated with a smile.

            “Abuelita told us that! She said that you are really smart… and that I’m just like you!” Nicky answered

            “The both of you are very smart… and you’re Abuela, Mom and I all love you very much.”

            “My Daddy loves us too… you forgot about him.” Samantha stated happily.

            “Yes… you’re Dad does love you very much.”

            I looked at Andrew and saw how difficult it was for him to say those words. Justin was someone that he absolutely hated and for the sake of the twins he knew he couldn’t bad mouth him.

            My brother really had grown up.

            “I want you guys to know though… that whatever is going on with your Mommy and Daddy is not your fault. Things happen sometimes and Mommies and Daddies fight… the same thing happened with mine. But it’s not your fault and it’s not mine... that’s the most important thing that you have to remember.”

            If my brother ever got out of jail and met a girl… he’d make a great father. Everyone fucks up in their life at one point or another, no one is perfect and my brother is living proof of how much someone can make amends for the wrongs they’ve committed.

            “He’s absolutely right guys.” I knelt down next to my brother, smiling brighter than I had in a long time. “You’re family will always be there for you no matter what happens. You could do the worst thing and you’re family will forgive you because you love each other so much that it erases the bad.”

            Those words were the ultimate amends for Andrew and I. He turned to look at me and offered a smile. I knew that I was going to hire a lawyer and get my brothers case appealed. My brother had taken the wrap for all the dirty deeds the Lopez family had committed. That wasn’t fair and I was going to make sure that Andrew would get out and fix his life.

**

            “So… how’ve you been?” Ricky asked, staring at me with compassion. We were watching the Yankee game and I was busy staring at Derek Jeter (my Boss’s husband), the delicious Alex Rodriguez, who I love even though he messed up badly last year.

This was the first time we had hung out in about two weeks. That was not like us at all, Ricky and I were always together and since this whole Justin thing happened, it was like a big space was created between us.

            I hated it.

            “I’ve been okay, just dealing with the craziness that is my life.” I said with a small smile. “Oh snap crackle pop… it’s 7 – 1 baby!!” I punched at the invisible air, feeling excited because of the awesome hit that my boy Melky Cabrera just made.

            I felt like I was finally going back to who I used to be. I was watching baseball, (which I had stopped watching after I was kidnapped) and I was getting close with my family again. Life seemed too good to be true in the little sheltered bubble I was allowing myself to live in. Work and my Mom’s house were the only things that occupied my life.

            It was nice, but lonely… very very lonely.

            “Melky is the man.” Ricky grinned. “But Johnny Damon is my husband. I’m going to marry him one day, I swear.”

            “He’s sexy… but A-Rod just looks gorgeous… those eyes and that body… “

            “Let’s not orgasm right here in your Mom’s living room… kay?” Ricky said and we both giggled. “Although he looks like he’d be good in bed.”

            I turned to look at my best friend and hugged him tightly. Who else would I have these intellectually stimulating conversations with if he weren’t around? I really had missed him.

            “So seriously… what’s been going on with you? How are things with Louis?”

            “Well apparently, everything that Justin said that day was true. Louis wanted a break so… um I gave him the space he needs.” Ricky looked down and wiped his suddenly teary eyes. “He moved out last weekend.”

            “Shit… I didn’t think it would go that far…” I rubbed my gay best friend’s shoulder soothingly. “I’m so sorry.”

            “I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that he’s not out with his family and he’s scared. I respect his wishes but I mean…. I don’t know…” He sighed and looked down. “I just know that he’s the one and it hurts.”

            “Take it from the Queen of heart break, it’s going to continue to hurt babe. You just have to try your best to be strong and not break down like me.” I offered a sad smile to my friend. “I think actually you should just write down everything that I’ve done and make sure not to do it.”

            “You haven’t messed up that bad, Nat… I just think that you have horrible luck…. And I think it rubbed off on me.”

            “I think it’s worse than bad luck… but I swear my Alex has the worst luck. I fucking hate the Red Sox… Coco Crispy or whatever the hell his name robbed my A-Rod of a homerun. Poor Alex.”

            “Are we avoiding the subject of you’re dilemma by talking about a play that happened in the 3rd inning when it is now then 7th?” Ricky looked at me and read my thoughts.

            So I didn’t want to talk about Justin, was that a crime? I mean if pretending he didn’t exist got me through the day then fuck it, right? The way Ricky was staring at me made me feel like I was completely wrong about everything. Not freaking fair, I’m not the one that fucked up our relationship this time. Justin was the one that went crazy, not me.

            “I just don’t want to think about what happened.”

            “Okay… that’s reasonable… for now. But you do know that you can’t live in denial for ever. It’s like that saying… which… uhm… I don’t really know any saying but still.”

            Ricky was trying to be serious, which he ended up failing miserably at. Before long the two of us were rolling around on the couch laughing our heads off. I don’t think I’d laughed like that since I was like 13… you know, it was like that tween laugh that happens when you and your best friend are giggling at catching a glimpse of one of the boys getting their first hard ons…

            Oh you don’t know… maybe it was just me.

            “I’ll be honest with you Ricky, I’m in pain when I think about what happened… in fact, I can’t fucking breathe. I love Justin more than I ever thought possible, but he hurt me… the guy pretty much tried to rape me. I know I’m not wrong and I could easily talk to him… but he hurt me and I don’t know if I can forgive the abuse.”

            “I understand… Justin went crazy and you didn’t deserve it… but I think more is going on than meets the eye… so try to keep an open mind.”  

            “What do you mean?” I looked at my friend strangely.

            Ricky and I have always been close, so I’ve never once not trusted him. The thought of Ricky not in my life is something that has never crossed my mind either, because well it won’t happen. Life has maybe brought us to different places than we expected but at the end of the day he’s still like my brother, my family.

            It pretty much killed me that I didn’t have him these last two weeks, especially because I really needed him. Especially because I’m so afraid to be alone. I do stupid things when I’m alone. Things that are obvious if you have two brain cells. Everyone can think what they want about me but if making tiny cuts on my body is the only way I can release my pain, then whatever.

Ricky was the person that got me to stop cutting myself in the first place, he was the one that told me to get over myself and forgive Justin; he’s gotten me through so much in my life and because of one measly incident. I guess I was blaming Ricky for being so adamant about the whole David scenario. I trusted Ricky’s judgment and went against my own gut feeling, it wasn’t his fault though, it was just mine for not being a stronger person, maybe for not even being honest with Justin from the get go.

“I’m not sure… but JC and Tommy have something on him… they’re being really secretive about it but there’s a reason why Justin is losing his mind and it’s not only about you and David. From what I picked up from eavesdropping on them, he probably would have lost control anyway.”

“But why?”

“I haven’t the slightest clue… but now that I’m unhappily single, I have the time to find out… ha maybe I’ll even become a drug dealer for them.” Ricky joked. I didn’t find it funny though. I just gave him a look which caused him to roll his eyes. “I was joking… jeez.”

“Sorry, I have enough Mafia people in my life. I don’t need you becoming one of them.”

“Stressing about Andrew? That wasn’t your fault…”

“No… it’s beyond that… apparently, my Dad and Uncle were Mafioso before I was even born.” I stated unhappily. “My Dad chose that life over my Mom… the exact same thing Justin did. He ignored her pleas and pretty much bailed on her.”

“Nat, I know you always say that you and your Mom live mirrored lives, but maybe this time it won’t be the case.” Ricky put his arm around my shoulder, which I shrugged away.

“It already happened.”

The most truthful statement I had ever spoken. My Mom and I were destined for the same fate, no matter what anyone had to say. I tuned out the rest of Ricky’s ramblings about how we would be happy with our significant others once again, I was way past that.

Well at least telling myself that worked.

Chapter 43

            I sat on Ricky’s shoulders in the so called pit of a Papa Roach concert. Okay seriously, I love Papa Roach and all, but the little kids that actually think that a pit at a Papa Roach show is hard would probably get killed at a Lamb of God concert. Fucking posers. I’d laugh hysterically if I got to see half of them do the Wall of Death.

            I’m also a bitch at concerts, I usually hate the people that sit on other peoples shoulders, but I decided to fuck everyone over that stood behind us. They seriously did not need to see as much as I did. Haha.

            Anyway, Ricky and I sang along to every lyric while everyone around us only sang to the hits like “Last Resort” and “Scars.” Did I mention that I hate little kids like that? Oh I did? Oh well.

            “Okay I really didn’t think they’d be that good live.” Ricky screamed to me over the music.

            “Oh yee of little faith.” I patted him on the shoulder and laughed.

            The band was playing “Forever” and I felt chills run up and down my spine. It was completely my song to Justin, my feelings for him were forever. Everything he gave me was so beautiful, especially our children. I couldn’t thank him enough for giving me my reasons for existence.

            “In the brightest hour of my darkest day, I realized what is wrong with me. Can't get over you, Can't get through to you…It's been a helter skelter romance from the start. Take these memories that are haunting me of a paper man cut into shreds by his own pair of scissors. He’ll never forgive her…he’ll never forgive her.” Jacoby sang and jumped straight into the audience.

            Those lyrics were so insanely true. I sat on Ricky’s shoulders, stunned at how perfectly words could fit my scenario. I let the music hit me and got lost in the music.

            How could I let go of the man I had loved for so long? Was that even possible? A small tear fell from my eye, which I tried to ignore.

            This had to be the end of the pain. My rainbow after the storm. I know those all seem like just pretty thoughts, but maybe this time it would be real. I wasn’t hoping for a reconciliation, but just some sort of peace between us, at least for the twins sake.

            “BECAUSE DAYS COME AND GO… BUT MY FEELINGS FOR YOU ARE FOREVER! BECAUSE DAYS COME AND GO BUT MY FEELINGS FOR YOU ARE FOREVER!”

**

Sometimes I really feel like I’m living in a dream, a sort of fucked up mirrored version of what my life used to be like. I look at the way my life was a year ago in comparison to now and I wish I had the so called “problems” that I did then. Then again maybe I just wish too much.

“I want to see my children today. Bring them ASAP. I’m fucking serious.” Came Justin’s angry voice from my voicemail. That was the 5th time I listened to the message. Should I stay or should I go? Should I trust him at all? Was it all just the same song and dance?

“Don’t go Natalia… por favor… I don’t trust him.”

“They are his children too… I need to appease him, Mami. He’s dangerous.” I said softly, I didn’t fully believe that I was doing the right thing, but I just had to suck it up and be a grown up for once.

“What if this is just another trick to hurt you?”

“I just have to hope he’s more mature than that.”

“You know he isn’t.” My Mom reasoned which just led me to exhale loudly. I knew all of those things, I knew my husband better than anyone else on the earth, well maybe I thought I did.

“I guess I’ll only known the answer when the time comes.”

Okay, so I wasn’t expecting some sort of far fetched fairytale to occur when Justin and I saw each other. I knew that this was the real world and that we would not be getting back together. Justin wasn’t going to sweep me up into his arms and all would be forgiven, things just weren’t that simple.

“What if he takes los ninos away?”

“Justin knows that the kids need me and I know that they need him. We have an understanding…” I said, knowing well hoping something perfectly well. Justin grew up from age 10 or so without a mother. I didn’t think he’d want the twins to go through the same thing.

Maybe I was trying to give him more credit than he deserved. I guess I just wanted to believe that there was a little good left in him. It was probably all in vein though.

“Please be careful Natalia. I really don’t have a good feeling about this.” My heavy accented Mother begged. I looked away from her and prayed that for the first time in my life; maybe my Mother would be wrong about something.

“Trust me…I know theres some good left in him. I just think it’s hidden under all his anger. He’ll get over it and come to realize that we need to stop being selfish and do what’s right for the twins.”

“Mijita, I hope so.”

I remembered what happened the last time that I saw Justin under these circumstances. I just prayed that it wouldn’t end up the same way. I guess my words weren’t only trying to convince my Mother, they were also trying to convince myself of the same.

 **

All he needed was a quick pick me up and then he’d stop. That was what Justin told himself the first time he went back on coke. Things in his business were so hard and Natalia was refusing to forgive him for the Paris fiasco.

The cocaine high gave him a temporary relief from the anxiety and stress. Everything disappeared when he was high and he was left in a euphoric state. The highs were always great; it was the downs that killed him. A horrible depression would follow, it was something so unbearable.

Maybe that was why he went back or maybe it was because of the constant drama in his life, either way Justin just didn’t care anymore. 

“Are you okay?” Carina asked suddenly, knocking Justin out of his thoughts.

“Yeah… fine.” Justin stated and ran his hand down his face.  He was feeling the familiar symptoms of needing another hit. He hated that feeling and knew that as soon as it came, he had to do whatever it took to get rid of it.

“You don’t look it…”

“Do I fucking pay you to talk? Get the fuck on the bed and spread your legs.” Justin hissed after taking a hit of that substance that took him away from all the pain. The white powder that was consuming his life slowly turning him into a zombie, was no longer his friend, it was his enemy that he loved.

“You’re a fucking asshole.”

“Shut your mouth woman.” Justin raised his hand, ready to make contact with Carina’s cheek, when suddenly the door bell rang. “I’ll deal with you in a minute.”

Running to the door while buttoning his shirt and wiping the excess cocaine off his nose, Justin hoped to God that it was that fucking bitch that broke his heart. It was time to get revenge. It was time to make her hurt the way he did.

Now was the time.

He opened the door with a cocky smile on his face. Natalia stood with their two children; she looked beautiful and sexy at the same time, always dressed to impress but with a purity that added to her charm. A peasant style gray skirt that rested just at mid thigh and a white tank top left little to Justin’s imagination. He wanted every bit of her and to break her at the same time. He wanted to please her and then reduce her to a mess of tears.

“I missed my two favorite people in the whole world.” Justin grinned and turned his attention on his two adorable children who were hugging him tightly. Sometimes he wanted to just take them, and find another woman to be there mother, but that was when he’d realize that there was no one better for him than her.

She just had to repent for her sins and face the same pain he did. That was the only way she could learn.

“Daddy I learned how to write my name!” Samantha exclaimed with a smile. “Wanna see?!”

“I can’t wait to see. I’m so proud of you both.” Justin knelt down and gave them both a kiss on the cheek. He was proud of his children, they were everything good that he was, and a proof that he and Natalia were happy once upon a time. “Why don’t you guys go inside and start practicing for me?”

“Okay Daddy.” A cheeky smile was shot to Justin by Samantha and a nervous glance was shot to Natalia by Nikolas. Nikolas was the tiny protector of his Mother, it was almost cute to Justin, but then he’d remember that Natalia deserved pain.

Making sure to close the door behind the twins who he knew were in good hands with Carina; Justin leaned against the door frame and stared at Natalia who was avoiding his gaze.

“You’re so predictable.”

“Excuse me?” Natalia’s eyes shot up and a look of confusion adorned her angelic face.

“You coming here with a tight little outfit. Do you really think it has that much of an affect on me anymore?”

“I didn’t wear this for you.” She retorted.

“Right… you wore it for David who is probably waiting outside to fuck you.” Justin smirked darkly. “Good for him.”

“I didn’t come here to argue with you.” Natalia was pretending to be strong; it was so obvious that she was lacking the strength she was trying to portray. Justin knew her so well, Natalia was like a little child that liked to tell herself stories to make herself less afraid.

Fucking bitch didn’t deserve that satisfaction.

“Sure, whatever. Nat, baby girl, I know you so well. I bet you cry every night because you know you fucked up. Not Ricky or Savannah can absolve you of the pain you feel cause you know you lost the best thing that ever happened to you.” Justin moved closer to Natalia, pretending to wipe an invisible tear from her face. Natalia only grew angry at his touch and pushed away to his surprise. “Aww… the truth hurts don’t it baby?”

“It must really eat you up inside that I had to go fuck someone else because you just didn’t do it for me. News flash, JT, I faked it every single time.” Natalia lied. Justin was both amused and angry at her behavior; she had grown a slight backbone; he’d make sure to crush it. “And I don’t cry… I moved on to much bigger and better things.”

“I highly doubt they are bigger or better.” Justin smirked at Natalia; he knew quite well that he was under her skin from the moment that he had opened the door to her. It just made Justin get off on the fact that she was so vulnerable. He had her right where he wanted her.

“If we can’t speak civilly to each other Justin then maybe we shouldn’t speak at all? This is for the twins’ benefit… not ours. Stop being a selfish prick and realize that you are not God and you never will be… no matter how much money you have.”

With that, Natalia turned around to leave; oh she wasn’t going to get away that easily, not a chance in hell was that happening. Natalia was not going to have the last word in this, she was the one who caused all the pain, she was the one that deserved to pay.

He watched her walk to the stairway of his hotel. She just seemed so desperate to get away from him, to just disappear into a world where she could pretend he was the bad guy. Maybe he was, but still she was no angel herself.

“Where do you think you’re going, beautiful?” Justin pushed Natalia against the wall; his hands groping her hips while his hot breath tickled her neck softly. He knew the exact ways to touch her to make her putty in his hands.

“J-Justin… what are you doing?” Her voice cracked nervously. She tried to push away from his embrace but only felt his physical desire for her. Natalia bit her lip, obviously trying to control herself, while small kisses were placed on her neck.

“Sshhh….” Silencing her was feeble, but he did want her. He wanted every part of her, even what she had given to that bastard that wasn’t worthy of her. Justin wasn’t even sure if he himself was worthy of her.

Either way, he still had to have her. She was his angel after all, and he was certain that once upon a time, she did love him.

His hand slowly reached up her skirt, rubbing her inner thigh softly. God, how he loved her. Every inch, every curve, every freckle was pure perfection that was only supposed to be his. It wasn’t fair. The only person that had ever loved him had destroyed him.

Justin was going crazy without Natalia. Nights without her by his side were ripping him apart inside. It was a torture that made death seem more pleasant than life without her.

            “She must think I’m crazy… maybe I am…” Justin thought to himself, his arms stretched out on either side of her, cradling her into the wall. If she moved this moment would be over, and he couldn’t handle it. He NEEDED her.

            His pants were soon at his ankles and quickly he was inside her. The beautiful girl who he ached for, cried for, loved. Justin wanted to forgive her at that moment, just take her right there and let her make everything better.

            Nothing could ever be better again.

            He had begun moving softly, making love to her, but soon his anger got the best of him. She deserved to be treated like a whore. Natalia clutched on to the wall in front of her, panting, loving every motion. Loving her wasn’t enough, hating her wasn’t enough, nothing was enough. This woman drained him, making all his emotions haywire when he was around her. Justin hated and loved it.

            “Justin… I…ahh… I love you…”

            He flinched at the words that came out of her mouth, he wasn’t sure how to feel. It was all a lie, something to manipulate him further. Gripping her hips, he pulled out of her and flipped her around, he wanted to look into her eyes, stare at her and make her understand how he felt.

            Natalia looked into his eyes with so much trust and love. It made him want to forget everything. Justin wanted so badly to take her and the twins and disappear, start over. A dream that was too good to be true.

            Plunging his cock back into her, he resumed his hard pace, just glaring into her eyes. Most likely she was going to have bruises on her back from being slammed repeatedly into the wall; if this was going to be the last time he’d have her, he’d make damn sure that she would remember it well.

            Natalia hadn’t noticed the anger in his eyes, she was too busy relishing in the moment. The Mafia Don already knew how he’d hurt her after this was all done. Have her endure some of the pain and embarrassment that he felt.

            He massaged her breasts, ignoring her advances to kiss him. He wouldn’t let her lips touch his. Not after she had been kissing David once again. It was like Pretty Woman, the movie Natalia had forced him to watch once. If you don’t kiss someone, you won’t allow yourself to feel anything for them, you won’t let love in. Atleast that was what he was trying to tell himself.

            “JUSTIN! I’m gonna… mmm!” She moaned, finally reaching her peak. Just watching her body tense and her face contort with pleasure was enough to send him over the edge with her. She squeezed and released her walls around his cock as she came, making him lose it. He came into her, spilling his warm cum inside her.

            The moment was over, the pleasure was soon gone. The anger remained. The feelings he just couldn’t move past. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” Carina had told him those words once; they stung him until he accepted that they were true. She wouldn’t and couldn’t fool him a third time.

**

            Recap. Justin and I just had sex after getting into a huge argument. Okay, I know that’s happened before but it was weird. There was so much anger in him almost a look of hate when he stared into my eyes. I was scared, I mean I didn’t even know what brought upon the sex in the first place but he was just cold. It was like he was dead to the world.

            That wasn’t the Justin I knew.

            “Thanks for that babe.” He practically dropped me to the floor and quickly pulled his pants up. I frowned at him, still not understanding what was going on.

            I guess as silly as it sounds, I thought that sex would be the cure for what was going on. I know I have false hope, but I truly believed that him doing this would make him forgive me, and make him understand that I always loved him.

            Never said I was a smart girl.

            He turned his back to me and fumbled around his pockets. I stupidly watched him, not understanding what was going on. How could he just turn so cold in the matter of seconds? After all that?

            Justin turned to me after what felt like years; “Oh this is for you.”

            I looked down at my hands and saw divorce papers staring me in the face. I didn’t want to cry, I couldn’t do it in front of him. Weakness was not an option at this moment. How was this happening?

            My mind was running at a thousand miles per minute. I felt like I was suffocating; my biggest fear was realized and I couldn’t do anything about it. Justin had just used me and now he was discarding me like a piece of trash. How could this be the same man that I fell so deeply in love with?

            “Oh.” I finally managed to get out.

            He couldn’t even look at me. Justin was too much of a coward to look me in the eyes and tell me it was over. I just gave him the fakest smile I could manage at the moment, my eyes were quickly brimming with tears but I doubted he would care. He was just that heartless.

            “Drop the kids off with my Mom tomorrow.” I wrapped my arms around myself and walked away.

            Everything my life had ever meant was to be with him. Things made sense, Justin and I made sense, and now it was at an end. I couldn’t pretend to believe the lies that we would get back or that I was okay with it. I wasn’t okay and I was certain that I’d never be again.

Chapter 44

            Emptiness. Sorrow. Pain. That’s all I could feel on what seemed like the endless ride home to my Mother’s home. The memories of my kidnapping, to my first summer in NY with Justin played in my head like a Lifetime movie gone wrong. I used to joke about that entire scenario, but at the end of the day, it spoke nothing but truth. We had lived such a fucked up life with endless amounts of drama, but I knew at the end of the day, I could always count his love and support.

            How could things change so much? How could a simple event set off a domino effect that forever changed my life? I hated life, I hated fate, I hated more than anything that I still loved him.

            How could I ever move on from something that defined me so greatly? The man kidnapped me, who saved me from myself and who gave me my two precious babies could never be replaced. I’d never find anyone who even came close to what Justin used to be… before everything that was the business corrupted him.

Here is the place we used to go,
We were laughing.
Hand in hand walking down the road,
We were happy.
Here is the corner where said,
Kiss me stupid,
I remember you in red.

We were something good,
We were something yea....
Weren't we something...

            Nick Lachey’s voice came through the speakers of my car and I automatically knew that driving in the emotional state I was in would be a joke. I needed to live, not for myself but for my children. They needed me right now, most importantly because their father was losing his mind.

            A light rain was falling on the streets, thankfully it was an abnormally warm day in New York, thank you Global Warming… or not. It’s kind of scary that in about 50 years or so, the normal temperature of the earth will be about 10 degrees higher than the current average. But whatever, I won’t get into that.

            I closed my eyes and relaxed my head against the seat, focusing only on the sound the raindrops were making against my car. I hadn’t let myself cry just yet, I just allowed the pain to build up inside me, like a knot that was slowly tightening around my stomach. I was so tired of crying, so tired of feeling so much for one person. It was physically exhausting me.

Here's the diner where we meet,
On your lunch break.
Corner table,
Just you and me,
On a Monday.
In the rain,
We ran and ran,
To your apartment.
You called in sick to work again.

We were something good,
We were something yea....
Would some be...