Mayra angrily closed the paperback novel in her hands.  She was going to kill Kelsey when she got back to New York.  Okay, so she wasn't going to kill her best friend, but she wasn't going to be taking any more book recommendations from the girl anytime soon, that was for sure!  Only two pages in and Mayra knew she was in trouble.  She leaned her head back against the lounge chair she was sitting in and blew out a breath, trying to push the unwanted thoughts from her mind.  It had been three years.  Surely enough time had passed that she could sit here, on the beach, soaking in the sun, listening to the sounds of the ocean, and read a trashy romance novel without her thoughts automatically turning to him. 

Obviously not.  She mused. 

As had been her curse since she had first met him, anytime she read a book--no matter how the author described the hero--Mayra always pictured him.  That dark hair that he usually kept short but would curl when it was wet or whenever he let it grow out.  Dark blue eyes that seemed to always see straight into her soul and offered her his in return.  Those full lips that were so often turned up in that adorable and knee-melting smile he was known for--the smile that had completely captivated her the moment they had met.  His strong chin and that distinctive profile of his that made him look like her own personal Greek god.

"Usted es muchacha loca que va." Mayra muttered under her breath, her native Spanish rolling off her tongue as she placed a hand against her forehead and closed her eyes.  You are going crazy, girl.  She shook her head back and forth in self-recrimination.  Crazy.  That's what she felt like.  She was going crazy.  Why?  She questioned, looking up at the sky.  Why, after all this time, was she still plagued with thoughts of what used to be?  They had had their chance and it wasn't meant to be.  She knew she had made a mistake but why couldn't she let it go?  Why couldn't she forget about him?   She was twenty-five, for crying out loud!  She was in the prime of her life.  She should be out, having the time of her life right now.  She should be partying, meeting new people, having adventures, discovering herself and the world around her-doing all the things she told him she needed to do! 

But instead where am I?  She questioned, looking around.  Sitting on the beach in Hawaii, all alone, wallowing in old memories.  She was taunting herself--torturing herself with images of what would could have been and what never would be again. 

"Watch out!" 

Mayra jumped, and let out a startled yelp, as a red Frisbee suddenly came flying towards her--pulling her forcefully from her thoughts as it landed in the sand beside her chair.  She placed a hand against her chest in an attempt to slow her heart rate, as she watched Ethan ran up to retrieve the toy.  "Sorry, Mayra!"  The child apologized--giving her his lopsided grin before throwing the Frisbee back to his brother, Richard. 

"It's okay, hun." Mayra replied with a smile.  "Where's Cassie?" She asked the boy as she put her hand up to shield her eyes and surveyed the expanse of sand in front of her.  She had forgotten for a moment, until Ethan and Richard's errant Frisbee came flying at her, the reason she was here in the first place.  She felt guilty for neglecting her responsibilities.

"Over there." Ethan pointed to a cluster of large rocks at the water's edge.  "Lookin' at some anan...ematies." 

Mayra chuckled at the boy's mispronunciation of the word.  Bless his heart.  She thought with a shake of her head.  "An-em-o-nes." She corrected him, sounding out each syllable as she spotted his younger sister down by the tide pools.  The little girl saw Mayra and waved-the happy grin on her face evident from where Mayra was sitting.  She waved back at Cassie.    

"Whatever."  The ten year old said, waving his hand through the air and drawing Mayra's attention back to himself.  "She's over there." 

"Come on, Ethan!" Richard called out from his place a few yards away.

"Coming!" Ethan exclaimed. 

"Don't go too far!"  Mayra called after the boys.  She squinted up at the late afternoon sun.  "It's almost time to meet your parents for dinner."

Ethan turned and waved, to indicate he had heard her, and then continued to run over to his brother.  Mayra chuckled as she watched the boys for a moment-envying their youth and carefree abandon.  She hoped childhood lasted a long time for these kids.  Being and "adult" have having live with the consequences of your decisions was something Mayra wished she could forego sometimes.  Closing her eyes, she leaned her head back.  Intent on enjoying the remaining time they had on the beach she tried to clear her mind and listened as Ethan, Richard, and Cassie laughed and played at the water's edge. 

She had taken the job as the nanny for the three Princeton children just over a year ago.  She had finally finished her degree in elementary education but with the economy the way it was, and school districts laying off more teachers than they were hiring, she had been forced to look for alternative jobs.  A friend had suggested she look into a position as a nanny since she loved kids and had the talent and patience necessary to work with them.  She was young, she was single-why not take the opportunity to travel and see the world a bit?  So, Mayra had applied with the agency her friend had suggested.  She had interviewed with a few families before deciding to accept the position that the Princeton's offered her. 

John and Marie Princeton paid her well to look after their three children, plus she was given her own living suite inside their lavish Manhattan penthouse, free use of one of the family's three Bentley's, all expenses paid vacations wherever the family decided to travel, and two nights off a week.  Mayra felt like she had won the lottery!  She couldn't have asked for a better position and she had quickly fallen in love with the then eleven-year-old Richard, nine-year-old Ethan, and five-year-old Cassidy Princeton.  She had thrown herself into the job, hoping this would finally be what she needed to move on and get over the failed relationship in her past that insisted on haunting her.

She was still waiting for that to happen.

Every night when she closed her eyes, she wished could go back and change what had happened.  Every night she was plagued with dreams of what could have been.  Every day those two words echoed in her head:  what if...

They had met four years ago.  She had been out, celebrating with a couple friends, and he had been in town on business.  That club on 42nd Street quickly became "Their Bar"--the place they would go whenever he was in town.  She had run into him, literally, and the sudden and instantaneous sparks that had ignited between them had been hot.

Mayra had often joked about one day meeting the man that had captured her eyes and her devotion from the first day she's heard his voice on the radio and seen his face on her TV.  She had joked about it, but never actually believed it would happen, and was caught off guard when it did.  He had a name and face that was recognized by millions the world over.  What were the chances they would ever run into each other?

~~~~~~~~~

"Twenty-one!" Mayra said, lifting her second Long Island Tea of the evening in salute.  The two other people at the table with her lifted their glasses in toast.  "Here's to finally being able to drink legally!"

"Whoo!" Kelsey, Mayra's best friend since freshman year of high school, cheered as she clinked her glass with Mayra's then took a beer.  "About damn time!" She exclaimed loudly over the noise and music in the club.  She swayed  a bit and Mayra chuckled to herself.  Kelsey was such a light-weight--barely two beers in and she was getting tipsy. 

"You're telling me." Mayra replied.

"No more risking jail time, providing alcohol to a minor." Garret, Kelsey's live-in boyfriend supplied with a smile and a wink.  He lifted his glass and the girls raised theirs in salute.

"I appreciate y'alls sacrifice over the years--"

"Y'all?" Kelsey teased, cutting Mayra off with a giggle.

"Shut up." Mayra rolled her eyes though she couldn't help chuckling.  People were always thrown when she said something that brought out her Southern upbringing.  Her Mexican heritage made people assume she would have an accent--just not one from Georgia.  She couldn't help it and she couldn't escape it.  She had hoped that by moving to New York and attending NYU, her unique background would just blend into the melting pot that was The Big Apple...but Kelsey was always around to remind her of the fact that she was a walking contradiction.  Mayra chuckled to herself.  Sometimes she felt like one of those Starburst commercials...

"I'm just teasin' ya, girl." Kelsey said with another giggle as she put her arm around Mayra's shoulders.  "You know I think your accent is hot." She continued with a smile.  "My cute, little Southern Mexican." She said tweaking Mayra's nose. 

"Get off me, ho!" Mayra laughed as she shrugged Kelsey off and pushed her back against Garret.  "Control your woman, Garret." She said as Kelsey sat down in the guy's lap.

"Yeah, Garret." Kelsey said, turning in his lap and throwing her arms around his neck.  "Control me." She said, her voice lowering seductively as she wiggled her eye brows suggestively at him.  She kissed him and Garret laughed as he shook his head. 

"I think you've reached your limit." He told Kelsey. 

"No, I haven't." Kelsey disagreed with a shake of her head-her blonde ponytail swinging back and forth.  "I wanna dance!"  She proclaimed, jumping up from his lap.  "Come on!"  She said, pulling on Garret's hand.  "You too, birthday girl!"  She said, turning to Mayra. 

"Sorry, Kels." Mayra said, holding up her hands to ward the girl off.  "Unlike you, I haven't reached my limit yet.  I want a few more drinks before I get to the dancing part of this party."

"Okay." Kelsey shrugged.  "Come on, hot stuff." She said, turning her attention back to Garret.

Mayra laughed as she watched Kelsey and Garret disappear into the crowd down on the dance floor.  She found her hips moving along to the beat of the current song pumping through the club and smiled.  Despite what she had just told her best friend, Mayra couldn't help dancing for a moment before she turned and began making her way over to the bar.  This was the first time she was legally able to buy her own alcohol and--though she'd been drinking since she was a teenager-she was determined to take full advantage of this moment.  She knew she was going to pay for it in the morning but she didn't care.  She had every intention of making this a night to remember.  Or not remember.  She thought with a laugh. 

"Long Island Tea." She said, ordering another of her favorite drinks.  Her limit was usually five and since this was only her third she had a while to go before she started to act like Kelsey.  Right now she was just feeling good.  As she waited for the bartender, Mayra began moving again to the beat surrounding her. 

"That top looks great on you."

Mayra turned to look at the guy next to her.  She eyed him--her gaze traveling over his receding hairline, glasses that looked like they had originally been purchased in 1984, the tight light blue T-shirt that he probably thought made him look hot but in actuality only accentuated his impressive middle, and his glazed over expression.  His left hand was wrapped around a beer bottle and she let out a quiet snort of laughter as she rolled her eyes--turning back to the bar. 

"But it would look even better on my floor." The guy finished.  Mayra rolled her eyes again.  Is that the best you can do?  She wanted to ask him.  "Whatdya say?" He asked, his speech slurring as he leaned closer to her.  He looked at her expectantly as he lifted the bottle in his hand to his lips.

"Sure." Mayra said nodding as she accepted her drink from the bartender.  She took a sip and wanted to laugh at the look on the guy's face.  He thought she was serious!  As if...she thought, fighting back a shudder.  "That way you can slip into something better, too." She continued.  "Like a coma." She gave him a sickly sweet smile as she turned.  She took a step, running right into someone else.

Someone who smelled incredible!

The intoxicating and spicy scent of his aftershave surrounded her as a pair of hands reached out to steady her, gripping her upper arms.  Mayra's eyes lifted to meet his.  The air left her lungs and her eyes widened in surprise.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his blue eyes looking at her through the wire-rimmed glasses perched on his nose. 

"I-I-I..."  Mayra finally closed her mouth and nodded her head.  Her heart skipped in her chest as the corners of his lips lifted in a knee-melting smile.  "I'll grant you, that was a pretty bad pick up line." He continued with a chuckle and a hint of teasing sparkle in his eyes.  "But did you really have to break that guy's heart like that?" He questioned.  "Look at him." He gestured with his chin over her shoulder.  Mayra turned her head to look at Mr. Cheesy-Pick-Up-Line who was still sitting at the bar, nursing his beer.  "The guy's totally crushed."  She turned back to those blue eyes and Mayra felt her stomach quiver as she realized just how close she was to him.  His hands were still wrapped around her forearms as she was all but plastered up against his chest.  Mmmm...and what a chest it is.  Whew, lordy!  I could stay like this forever...

Shaking the thoughts from her head Mayra attempted to gain control of her emotions.  Get a hold of yourself.  She demanded.  Nothing is going to happen.  He's a celebrity!  "He'll get over it." Mayra finally said.  She smiled.  "I'm Mayra." She told him. 

"JC." He supplied, finally releasing her as he took a small step backwards and held out a hand in greeting.  She took it--trying to ignore the shiver that skirted down her spine at the contact--and bit back a smirk as she watched his eyes quickly give her the once over.  The spark of desire that replaced the earlier look of teasing let her know he liked what he saw.  She straightened slightly as she met his gaze without hesitation.  She had specifically chosen to wear her favorite pair of jeans tonight--the ones that made her ass look amazing--and the black halter top-the one that showed off her all her other curves--because she knew she looked good.  She had hoped it would pay off--that she would be able to find someone worth going home with, to help celebrate her birthday to the fullest extent.  Little did she know she would be running into the man of her dreams. 

Literally. 

He looked amazing. 

No.  Mayra corrected herself.  Amazing isn't the right word.  Incredible, mouth-watering, delicious, tantalizing, captivating...her mind ran through all the adjectives she could think of to describe the man standing in front of her.  She couldn't help doing to him what he'd just done to her.  Her eyes ran over him from head to toe--his short, dark hair; those mesmerizing blue eyes of his; that perfect mouth lifted into the sexiest grin she'd ever seen on a man; a hint of scruff on his cheeks and chin that had her fingers itching to run over; his broad shoulders and that firm chest she had run into earlier covered by the light blue button up--his ever present Leo necklace and just a hint of dark hair peeking out from beneath the fabric.  Mayra had to swallow the sudden excess moisture in her mouth as her eyes continued their perusal.  The worn jeans and the thick leather belt he wore sat low on his hips, his feet covered in a simple pair of black Chuck Taylors.  He was perfection personified.  Her eyes lifted to once more meet his and Mayra felt a spark of something light the air between them. 

JC's grin widened slightly and he turned, gesturing for her to follow him.  She did so, unable to stop herself even if she had wanted to.  He reached for her hand as they moved towards the back of the club and Mayra had to bite her lip to keep in the excited giggle that wanted to escape. 

JC Chasez was holding her hand!

~~~~~~~~

Ethan let out a yell and Mayra was once again pulled from her thoughts.  She angrily pushed the memories away--resolving, once again, to leave the past where it belonged.  All this is doing is just reaffirming how much of an idiot I am.  She thought.  Watching as the kids played for a moment, she reached for and picked up her previously discarded book.  She flipped it open and began reading again, needing something-anything-to distract her.

When Serena saw him all the old emotions came flooding back like a waterfall over a bridge.  She was transfixed with his blue eyes that blazed into hers, that made her feel weak at the knees.  She knew that he wasn't a dream, that he was very much real.  The image of him that she'd conjured up in her dream was far more different than reality.  His gaze filled her with a heated passion...she melted at the sight of him...

With a growl of frustration, Mayra threw the book as far as she could and made a mental note to avoid the author in the future.  "Is this a joke?" She exclaimed, yelling the question out to the cosmos.  She scrubbed her hands over her face.  "Blue eyes?  He had to have blue eyes?!"  Her eyes once again looked up at the sky.  "Estoy condenado." She lamented.  I'm doomed.  It was like fate was bound and determined to make sure she never forgot.  Try as she might she was quickly coming to the realization that she was doomed to forever be haunted by the ghosts of her past.  

A cloud suddenly moved in front of the sun, casting a shadow over Mayra and she looked up in confusion.  There had been no clouds in the sky a moment ago.  She turned her head to the side--her eyes traveling up and over the pair of pale legs that were dusted with dark hair standing in front of her.  Her gaze continued over the pair of black cargo shorts sitting low on his slim hips, and the simple V-neck white T-shirt he was wearing that showed off his chest and shoulders.  Mayra swallowed as a wave of familiarity washed over her. 

She knew this body. 

At one point, she had known it as well as her own.  Her mouth went dry and her heart began fluttering nervously in her chest.  Finally her eyes connected with his and she feared for a moment that she was going to pass out.  Am I dreaming? She wondered, thinking perhaps she had fallen asleep a moment ago.  This couldn't be real. 

"Was the book really that bad?" He asked with a soft chuckle and Mayra felt her cheeks instantly warm.  He had seen her outburst.  How long had he been standing there?  Had he heard her talking to herself?  Damn he looked great!  Her earlier thoughts and memories did not do him justice.  She had forgotten how blue his eyes were, and the way they had of always making her heart skip erratically and her stomach to do somersaults.  He continued looking at her and Mayra found she couldn't breathe, couldn't form a complete sentence.  "Hello, Mayra."  He said and she felt a wave of goose bumps rush over her at hearing him say her name once again.  He remembered her name.  "It's been a long time."

"I know this is a private beach," he told her, finally speaking.  A shiver once more skirted down her spine as his familiar voice washed over her.  "But I'm a guest.  I can show you my room key if you want."  He offered as he reached into his back pocket. 

She shook her head.  "I meant Hawaii, JC." Mayra clarified. "What the hell are you doing in Hawaii?"

"Oh." He said as he sat down in the empty lounge chair beside her.  "I'm on vacation."  He stated with a shrug.  Mayra's brows rose, waiting for him to elaborate.  That's it?  She wanted to ask.  You just decided to go on vacation and you just happened to pick the same hotel where I'm staying?  "Heather's getting married." He continued, breaking her from her thoughts.  "The wedding is here," he pointed at the beach where they were sitting.  "On Friday.  I just decided to come in a few days early."

"Oh, that's..." Mayra paused.  "That's great."  JC turned to look at her.  "For Heather, I mean."  Mayra smiled.  "That's great, for Heather.  I'm happy for her."

He looked at her for a moment.  "You look good." He told her and Mayra felt her cheeks warm. 

"So do you." She replied with a smile.  He broke eye contact with her as he leaned his head back against his chair and closed his eyes.  Mayra looked at him--still trying to wrap her head around the fact that he was here.  After three years of not seeing or speaking to him, suddenly here he was.  What she had said a moment ago was the truth:  he did look good.  Older, but good.  She winced slightly as that word came up in reference to him.  She had noticed the hint of grey showing at his temples.  Time was catching up with him.  He wasn't the same twenty-year old kid he had once been, bouncing around on stage.  He wasn't even the same thirty-year old she had met at a club in New York four years ago, but he still took her breath away.  He was like a good wine, she decided, cocking her head to the side slightly.  He continued to just get better with age. 

Since walking away from him, Mayra had been able to keep up with him thanks to the internet and the fan sites out there.  She had watched every episode of America's Best Dance Crew since it had started just to see his face and hear his voice for those few minutes he was on camera every week.  But there was nothing to compare with actually being in his presence once again; to hearing his voice and knowing that he was okay.  She had noticed a change in his behavior the last couple years and she had worried about him.  The man who had before been a constant in the media--attending almost any and all of the premiers, album releases, and parties that were thrown on both coasts--had progressively become more and more of a hermit since they had broken up.  When he wasn't taping ABDC there would often be three to four month--sometimes longer!--lapses where he wouldn't be seen anywhere.  There had been many nights when she had picked up her phone-i-ntent on calling him to make sure he was still alive--only to talk herself out of it.  He had had to change his number three times in the short span that they had been together because it had somehow gotten out and he had received multiple calls from crazy fans.  What were the chances he would still have the number he had had when she had left? 

The silence stretched between them but Mayra couldn't think of anything to say to him to break it.  She turned her head, forcing herself to stop staring at him and pulled her bottom lip between her teeth--thinking.  In every fantasy she'd had of meeting up with JC again, she hadn't ever factored in the feeling of awkwardness that now consumed her.  What were you supposed to say to the guy that you ran out on when you met him randomly at the beach three years later?  "I'm sorry" just didn't seem like it would cut it.  She heard JC shift around in the chair and her eyes slid over to him again reflexively.  Her gaze ran over the length of his body stretched out before her and she found herself consumed with butterflies as she was once more bombarded with memories.

~~~~~~~~~~

She didn't know what it was, but something woke her with a start the next morning.  With a gasp, Mayra sat up, clutching the sheet to her chest with one hand.  She pushed the hair back from her face as her eyes surveyed her unfamiliar surroundings.  Her hangover finally caught up with her and she groaned as her head began pounding--the room beginning to spin.  She placed her free hand against her forehead and closed her eyes and leaned back against the headboard.  "Lo que estaba pensando?" She muttered.  What was I thinking?  "Four LIT's and half a bottle of tequila?"  She groaned again as memories began coming back to her from last night. 

She was surprised she could remember anything at all to be quite honest. 

She remembered JC taking her hand and leading her through the club, back to the VIP section where he and his friends were.  She remembered talking, laughing, and flirting with JC-pinching herself a few times when he wasn't looking to convince herself she wasn't dreaming.  She remembered dancing with him--the way his body moved should be illegal she had decided.  He had kissed her and the world had literally tilted.  His perfect mouth had taken hers captive and Mayra had willingly surrendered.  He had confessed to seeing her when she had first come in and being there behind her at the bar on purpose--he had wanted her to bump into him so they could meet--and had asked her what she and her friends had been toasting and celebrating earlier.  She had told him they were celebrating her birthday and he had laughed.  She remembered questioning him about it and him telling her that that was the reason he was out with his friends.  His birthday was next week and since he was in town for only a few days they had decided to go out and celebrate early. 

"I wish I had known." She had told him as they had sat close together in a secluded corner. She had reached a hand out, her fingers playing with the top button on his shirt.  She had looked up at him through her lashes.  "I would have brought something to give you."  She remembered the way his eyes had darkened, the way her stomach had quivered and her heart had begun to flutter in her chest.

"You could, uh..." he had licked his lips and swallowed.  "You could come back with me to my hotel room." He suggested, leaning toward her--his lips brushing along her jaw line as one hand had reach up and into her hair on the other side of her.  Mayra had felt a shiver skirt down her spine and she had pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as his fingers had tangled themselves in her hair and he had smudged his lips up to her ear.  "You could be my present." He continued, his hand had suddenly released her hair as he had reached out to grip her waist.  He had expertly pulled her over so she was straddling his lap.  Mayra had placed her hands against his shoulders--a moan escaping her as his lips had connected with hers.  "I wouldn't mind unwrapping you." He admitted, as he had pulled back slightly--their eyes meeting.

Mayra suddenly felt a hand on her bare shoulder and opened her eyes.  JC brushed her hair back as he leaned over and began placing a series of small kissed over her shoulder and up her neck.  "Stop." She said, ignoring the pull of desire in her belly as she pushed him away.  As much as she wanted to relive last night with this man, her head felt like it was going to split wide open.  She needed to get rid of this hangover first before they did anything else. He pulled back, giving her a questioning look but Mayra just groaned as she slid back down, laying her head on the pillow once again and closed her eyes.  He sidled up next to her, his lips nibbling their way up her arm and shoulder.  "JC, I said stop." She told him.  "I have a headache and I--"

She stopped, her eyes popping open as he was suddenly on top of her. "Wha..."She trailed off at the almost predatory look in his eyes.  He lifted one arm--his hand coming to rest behind her head as he rested his weight on his forearm, elbow bent.  She watched him closely, trying to determine what he was up to.  He bent his head, his lips brushing against the side of her mouth.  Mayra closed her eyes, a breathy sigh escaping her.  Her arms reached up, winding around his neck.  Her fingers dug in to his dark hair as he continued placing warm, slow kisses along her jaw.  She wasn't paying any attention to his other hand until she suddenly felt his fingers between her legs.  Her eyes opened for a brief second in surprise before closing again as she let out a gasp--her back arching at the sweet, torturous contact. 

"Do you really want me to stop, Mama?" He asked, his lips moving against her ear as he took the sensitive skin of her earlobe into his mouth.  His fingers continued moving expertly against her while his mouth continued roaming over her neck and throat--all traces of her earlier hangover quickly disappearing. 

Mayra shook her head, her fingers tightening their grip on his hair.  He let out a groan and her body broke out in goose bumps.  "Don't stop." She breathed, managing somehow to find her voice.  "Please....don't stop..."

~~~~~~~~~~

"Stop!" 

 Mayra was jolted from her memories by Cassie's screech.  The little girl launched herself into Mayra's lap and Mayra sent a quick prayer of gratitude heavenward.  That particular memory had caught her off guard and she was sure a few more seconds and it would have turned into a very embarrassing situation.  Her eyes slid over to JC--wondering if he had been able to sense what she had been thinking about and praying that he hadn't. 

She frowned.

He was asleep.

Typical.  Mayra thought with a roll of her eyes.  When they had first met she had assumed all the stories of how much he loved to sleep had been made up for the media.  She quickly realized that was not the case.  She had never known a guy who really and truly loved to sleep as much as JC Chasez did. 

"Make him stop, Mayra!" Cassie pled as she burrowed her head against Mayra's chest.  Mayra put her arms around the child as she pulled her gaze from JC and focused on Cassie.  She looked up as Ethan approached them, laughing.  Cassie braved a peek, only to scream again as her brother held out a silver dollar sized crab--its claws opening and closing, while its other legs moved around in an attempt to get free.  Ethan walked toward them menacingly, holding the crab out towards his sister--an evil grin on his face. 

Mayra had to bite back a laugh as Cassie whimpered and tried to burrow closer to her.  "Ethan." She finally said, forcing her most authoritative tone and fixing the ten-year old with a pointed look.  "Leave your sister alone." She told him.  Ethan pursed his lips as he narrowed his eyes into a glare and humphed.  He turned and started walking away.  "And put that thing back where you found it." She called after him.  "He's gone." Mayra said, looking down at Cassie.  The little girl sat up, pushing her hair away from her face as she looked around-making sure Ethan really had left.  "Are you okay now?" Mayra asked. 

"Mmmhmm." Cassie nodded.  Her blue eyes turned curiously to JC.  "Who's that?" She asked, pointing at him.

"It's rude to point at people, Cassidy." Mayra said, reaching out to lower the girl's hand.  "He's..." she trailed off, not sure for a moment how to introduce JC.  "He's staying at the hotel like we are." She explained, finally realizing that she really didn't have to introduce JC to the six-year old.  Cassidy didn't care who he was, or how Mayra knew him. 

"Why is he taking a nap out here?" Cassie asked, bouncing slightly on Mayra's lap.  "I take naps in my bed.  Does he not have a bed?" She questioned, her eyes turning back to Mayra--a look on distress on her face. 

"I'm sure he has a bed." Mayra chuckled at Cassie's worry over whether or not JC had a bed.  "Sometimes people like to take naps outside." She explained. 

"Can I take a nap outside?" Cassie asked.

"Maybe." Mayra replied.  "We'll see."

"I'm hungry." Cassie proclaimed.

"Okay." Mayra smiled, chuckling again to herself at the child's random jumps in conversation topics.  She lifted Cassie off her lap.  "Go tell your brothers it's time to go." He watched as Cassie ran off toward Ethan and Richard.  Taking a deep breath she then turned, placing her feet on the sand, and began gathering up her things. 

"Are they yours?"

Mayra jumped slightly and looked up at JC in surprise.  "I thought you were asleep." She replied, the words coming out before she could stop them. 

"I was until the yelling began." He replied with a hint of teasing in his voice. 

"Sorry about that." She apologized. 

"It's alright." He said, sitting up and turning to sit on the edge of his chair facing her.  Mayra watched as he lifted his arms above his head in a stretch.  His T-shirt lifted with the action, allowing her a quick peek at his stomach before his arms lowered and he placed his hands on his thighs.  She swallowed, her eyes slowly rising to meet his, as her earlier memory came back. 

"Don't stop...please...don't stop..."

She stood up quickly and walked over to where she had thrown her book.  "Conseguir un asimiento de ti mismo." She muttered under her breath as she stalked angrily across the sand and retrieved the paperback.  Get a hold of yourself.  Her earlier shock at seeing him and the resulting memories that had toyed with her emotions dissipated and were replaced by anger as she returned to her chair.  Just who the hell did he think he was, showing up like this?  Sure she had fantasized about one day meeting him again and having everything turn out differently than it had, but she hadn't actually thought it would happen!  She had been doing pretty well at coping and he had to show up and ruin it all.  Now she'd never be able to move on.

"You didn't answer my question." JC said.  Mayra looked at him--the sight of his gorgeous face and those incredible eyes fueling the angry fire burning inside her.  How dare he sit there looking so delicious.  "Are they yours?" He asked again.

"Are what mine?" She asked with an irritated huff as she put a hand on her hip. 

"The kids." He clarified, gesturing toward Cassie and her brothers.  Mayra looked at him in stunned silence, one eye brow raised.  "I mean...I know...I know they're not yours but...are they your stepkids or something?" He asked, stuttering at the look on her face.  Was he really asking her this?  "Niece and nephews?" He questioned hesitantly, trying to guess her relation to the trio headed towards them. 

Mayra gave him a withering look as she help up her ring-less left hand for his inspection. "I'm the nanny." She told him.  He looked at her, nodding slightly in enlightenment but remained silent.  Reaching down she lifted and then slung her beach bag over her shoulder as the kids came up to her.  She forced a smile on her face as she turned to look at them.  "You guys ready to go?" She asked.

"No." Ethan and Richard answered in unison. 

"Do we have to go?" Ethan asked.

"Yeah, I'm not hungry." Richard added.  "Can't we just stay a little bit longer?"

"I think we've stayed long enough today." Mayra replied--trying to ignore the way JC's blue eyes were watching her intently from where he sat.  Doesn't he have anything better to do than just sit there looking at me?  She questioned.  She clenched her jaw and had to take a deep breath. "We're going to be here all week." She reminded the boys.  "If we stay any longer you're going to be totally sick of the beach before we leave."

"No we won't." The boys insisted, shaking their heads.

"I'm hungry." Cassie cut in, grabbing hold of Mayra's hand. 

"Let's go." Mayra said, gesturing with her other hand for the boys to start walking back to the resort.  Ethan and Richard hung their heads and kicked at the sand as they began trudging up the path that led from the hotel down to the beach.  Cassie let go of her hand as she trotted after her brothers.  Mayra sighed as she began following after the children. 

"Mayra."

She stopped, cursing the wave of longing that swept through her at hearing him say her name.  She gripped the handle of the bag on her shoulder with both hands as she turned around.  "Yeah?" She asked, hoping to appear as non-chalant as he had been since showing up.  If this whole encounter isn't bothering him then it shouldn't bother me.  She thought.  He had obviously moved past whatever feelings he may have once had for her and his indifference was moving her closer to accomplishing that same task. 

"You...I..." he hesitated, lifting one hand to rub the back of his neck as he looked down at the sand.  "It was good to see you again." He finally said, looking back up at her. 

Mayra was quiet for a moment, wondering why it felt like they were breaking up all over again.  "Yeah." She said quietly.  She cleared her throat as she squared her shoulders and pulled her head up.  "Listen," she said.  "Tell Heather I said congratulations."  He nodded and with that she turned and walked away--her eyes and throat burning with the tears she refused to let fall.  She had gotten the answer to the question she had carried around the last three years.  She fought the overwhelming urge to turn and look back at him.  There's nothing there anymore.  She reminded herself.  She had sealed her fate that night by walking away.  He had moved on and past her and now she needed to do the same. 

"Who's there?" Kelsey asked as Mayra placed the bottle back on the table in front of her, picked up the shot glass, and threw back the liquor--all while sending a prayer of gratitude heavenward for the job Kelsey had taken last year in Portland.  At the time, Mayra had been heartbroken over the fact that her best friend was moving clear across the country, but tonight it was working in her favor.  Portland was a hell of a lot closer to Hawaii than New York was.  There was only three hours separating them right now instead of six.  A fact which made this phone call even possible.

"JC!" Mayra exclaimed--the name coming out louder than she had expected.  She looked around to apologize but saw she was still alone in the small bar the hotel boasted.  Everyone else is probably out enjoying the local nightlife.  She thought.  Normally she would have been out doing that as well, but tonight she wanted to be alone--to wallow in her misery.

"Are you serious?" Kelsey replied in surprise.  "You're kidding, right?"

"Why would I be kidding about this?" Mayra asked as she poured herself another shot. 

"How do you know he's there?" Kelsey asked.  "Maybe it's just a rumor or something."

"I saw him, Kels!" Mayra replied, groaning in frustration.  "I saw him.  I talked to him."  She downed the other shot she had poured then leaned her forehead against the table and closed her eyes. 

"You talked to him?!" Kelsey gasped.  "What did...what did you say?" She asked.  "What did he say?"

"He said, ‘hi.'" Mayra snorted bitterly as she lifted her head.  She placed her other elbow up on the table--resting her head in her hand as she recounted to Kelsey everything about her earlier encounter with JC.  "Then, as I was leaving, he stopped me and said, ‘it's good to see you.'  What the hell does that mean?" Mayra questioned the level of her voice rising again as she sat back and threw her free arm out to the side in exclamation.

"Does it have to mean something?" Kelsey questioned hesitantly.  Mayra glared though the other girl couldn't see the whithering look Mayra was giving her. 

"He could have just let me go." Mayra reminded the other girl.  "Why did he stop me and tell me it was good to see me? And what the hell are the odds of us both being in Hawaii, at the same hotel, during the same week?!  After all this time, that's got to mean something, right?"  Mayra questioned, wanting Kelsey to validate the fact that fate was obviously up to something.

"Maybe..." Kelsey began then paused.

"What?" Mayra questioned though something told her she wasn't going to like what the other girl said.

"Maybe..." Kelsey began again.  "Maybe this is your chance to close the book?"

Mayra was quiet for a heartbeat then, "I knew it was a stupid idea to call you." She grumbled.  Can I take back that earlier prayer of gratitude?  She questioned, looking up towards the ceiling. 

Kelsey chuckled.  "Listen," she said.  "All I'm saying is-you've been carrying this torch for him, moping around for how long?" She asked rhetorically.  "Maybe this is your chance to close the book so you can finally move on with your life.  There are other fish in the sea, girl."

"But not like him."  Mayra replied, her bottom lip trembling.  "Not like him."  She groaned.  Dropping her arm down on the table she lowered her head, burying her face.  "I was such an idiot." She bemoaned, her voice muffled against the table.

"Yes, you were." Kelsey agreed.

"Hey!" Mayra replied, hurt.  "Thanks a lot, Kels."

"You said it, not me." Kelsey reminded her.

"Yeah, but you agreed with me." Mayra said.  "As my best friend you should know better than to do that."

"Come on." Kelsey replied evenly.  "We both know what happened that night and we both know what an idiot you were.  Remind me again, why it was you couldn't--"

"I was twenty-one, Kelsey!"  Mayra replied, sitting up, only to slouch back against her chair--sliding down until she was practically on the floor.  "I wasn't ready for...for....for that!" She continued.  "With him."

"But now you are?" Kelsey questioned. 

"Yes.  I mean, no!" Mayra corrected herself quickly.  "I mean..." she sighed.  "I don't know." She said, watching as her finger ran in a figure eight pattern over the table top.  "I just...I wasn't prepared to see him today." She finished lamely.  "That's all."

"What happened to all those speeches you've rehearsed over the years?" Kelsey asked.  "All those things you were going to tell him if you ever saw him again?"

Mayra was quiet for a moment, thinking.  The alcohol she'd consumed was starting to give her that fuzzy, tingling feeling all over.  She wanted to finish the bottle of tequila sitting on the table in front of her, but she knew Kelsey had a point.  Why was she sitting down here trying to drown her sorrows when there were things she wanted and needed to say to him?  Mayra sat up and pushed away from the table.  "You're right." She said, nodding her head--feeling a sudden boost of confidence.

"Of course I am." Kelsey replied with a laugh. 

"I'm going to go talk to him." Mayra proclaimed as she stood up. 

"What, now?" Kelsey asked, confused.  "Uh...Mayra, are you sure that's a good idea?  You've been drinking and I don't--"

"There's no time like the present, right?" Mayra asked, cutting Kelsey off as she grabbed the bottle of tequila she had purchased earlier and left the bar.  "I'll call and let you know how it went." She said, flipping her phone closed and cutting off whatever Kelsey was going to say next.  She squared her shoulders as she walked out into the lobby and up to the front desk.  Placing the tequila bottle down on the high counter she greeted the guy who was standing there-his eyes going back and forth between her and the liquor in curiosity.  "Hi." She said, giving him what she hoped was her most charming smile.  "I'm wondering if you can do me a favor." She said, batting her eyelashes at him.  The man--Lewis, his name tag said--remained quiet, waiting for her to continue.  "I'm supposed to be meeting up with a friend of mine but," she laughed, trying to look helpless yet flirtatious at the same time.  "I forgot his room number.  Do you think you can look it up and tell me?" She asked. 

"I'm sorry ma'am." Lewis replied, looking down at the computer screen in front of him as he hit a few keys on the keyboard.  "We don't give out our guest's room numbers without prior consent."

"I won't tell anyone." Mayra assured him.  "It'll just be our little secret." She lowered her voice and placed her finger against her lips.  They went back and forth for a few moments, Mayra's confidence slowly dissipating. 

"I can dial the room and speak to your friend." Lewis finally offered.  "If they give permission then I can tell you which room they are in.  What is your friend's name?"

Mayra sighed as she grabbed the tequila bottle and took a step back from the counter. "Forget it." She said, the reality of the situation crashing down on her.  "This was a stupid idea." She muttered.  What was she thinking?  She was just going to march up to his room and give him a piece of her mind?  What good would that do?  Would it solve anything?  No.  Would it make it so she could go back in time and change what had happened between them?  No. 

"Ma'am?" Lewis asked as she turned.  "Is there a message or anything you want me to pass along to your friend?"

I'm sorry.  Mayra thought.  I was an idiot.  I still love you.  Please give me another chance?

"Forget it." She said again, hanging her head in acceptance as she began walking toward the elevators.  Kelsey was right.  She needed to treat this like the opportunity it was and close the book on her and JC. 

The sooner she accepted that, the sooner she could get back to enjoying this vacation.

~~~~~~~~~

JC watched from across the lobby as Mayra turned from the front desk--a half bottle of tequila dangling from one hand--and began walking dejectedly toward the elevators.  His feet began moving, following after her on their own accord.  He hung back as she reached out, pressing the "up" button.  His eyes ran over her and, as much as he fought it, his body reacted to her perfect curves the way it had from the first time he'd seen her.  He remembered that first night--spotting her from across the club, devising a plan, "bumping" into her, drinking, dancing, that first kiss, and later that night in his hotel room, and the year that had followed.  It had been three years since the last time he had held her, heard her voice, tasted her kiss, but he still remembered.  He remembered her smile, her laugh, the weight of her pressed up against him while they slept...

The elevator arrived with a ding, pulling JC from his thoughts.  He ducked quickly around a corner as Mayra got in--barely making it before she saw him.  His heart was suddenly pounding in his chest as he clenched his hands into fists at his side. 

Snap out of it.  He demanded.  Don't let her get to you.  Don't fall into her trap again.

"Damn it!" He swore, pounding one fist back against the wall he was leaning on.  An elderly couple stopped as they were passing him, giving him a curious look.  "Sorry." He apologized to them from his outburst.  "I..." he hesitated, thinking.  "I just remembered I...I forgot my toothbrush at...at home." He finished lamely-rolling his eyes at himself.  That's the best you can come up with?  He questioned, kicking himself mentally as the couple continued on to the elevators.  No wonder you haven't been able to sell a song the last couple months. He shook his head. 

You're letting her get to you.  A voice in the back of his mind chastised.  He pushed off the wall and began walking toward the bar he'd seen Mayra exit moments before.  Why did she have to be here?  Why, after all this time, did he have to run into her again?  And why did she have to look so incredibly amazing?!  He lamented.  JC let out a heavy sigh as he sunk down onto a chair at the first empty table he came to.  Scrubbing his hands over his face he leaned his elbows on the table then jammed his fingers into his hair.

"Bad day?" A friendly voice to his left asked.

JC looked up, meeting the eyes of the waitress that had suddenly appeared at his side.  "You have no idea." He replied with a roll of his eyes. 

"Anything I can do to help?" She asked, flashing a flirtatious smile.

"Honey..." He mused with a humorless chuckle.  "You don't want to get tangled up with me right now.  I'm a mess."  He confessed.  Have been for a while.  He finished mentally. 

"Cleaning up messes is what I'm good at." She replied, resting a hand on her waist as she cocked a hip out to the side. 

JC shook his head.  "Scotch." He ordered.  She looked at him for a second then nodded.  "On the rocks?" He asked as she began to walk away. 

"Sure thing, hun." She replied then left him alone again with his thoughts.

You're losing your edge, Chasez. He mused as he leaned back in his chair--his hands rubbing over his thighs.  She seemed like a nice enough girl.  He thought, his eyes slid over to the bar for a second.  He watched as the girl gave his order to the bartender, smiling and laughing with the guy.  She seemed willing to offer a good time and a much needed release...but something kept him from accepting the invitation he had seen in the her eyes.

JC leaned forward again-his leg bouncing in agitation as he put one elbow back up on the table and rested his chin in his hand.  His eyes traveled around the small bar.  He spotted a couple tucked away in the booth in the far corner and felt an irrational stab of jealousy at their obvious happiness with each other. 

The waitress suddenly appeared again, placing his glass of scotch on the table.  JC picked it up--disposing of the alcohol in a few quick swallows.  He hissed, feeling the burn down his throat as he placed the glass back on the table with a thud.  The golden liquid he'd just downed awakened his sleeping inner demons.  Few people knew about the struggles he'd had the last couple years--the weaknesses he had battled all thanks to a certain dark haired, brown eyed beauty who was a beguiling mix of Southern charm and Latin heat and passion.  A voice in the back of his head begged for another drink--promising an escape from the thoughts and emotions that had come up and taken him by surprise at seeing Mayra down at the beach this afternoon. 

JC fought against the voice, stubbornly refusing to give in.  He'd wasted enough time nursing his pain and licking his wounds where she was concerned.  Seeing her was his last challenge, he had decided.  If he could get through this week, he would finally be free of the hold she still had on him.

He blew out a breath and placed his hands on the edge of the table.  Pushing his chair back he was about to stand when his eyes spotted a black and white Gucci bag sitting on the chair next to him.  JC looked around, but he and the happy couple in the corner were still the only guests in the bar.  Reaching out he grabbed the bag and stood.  Turning, to take the bag over to the bar for safe keeping until its owner came to retrieve it, he pulled up short at finding himself suddenly face to face with the woman he had just been thinking about. 

"Mayra." He breathed, trying to ignore the way her name felt so familiar and so...right on his tongue.  Her intoxicating scent--that same vanilla perfume she'd worn when they had been together--overwhelmed him.  He swallowed, unable to tear his eyes away from hers.  Her eyes still had the power to hold him captive.  Her tongue darted out to wet her bottom lip and he felt the pull of desire in his groin.  Just a few small inches and he could have those lips pressed against his once more...

Fight it.  He demanded, shaking himself mentally and pulling back from her slightly.  Fight it.  Don't let her get to you. 

"What are you doing with my purse?" She asked, a look of accusation in her dark eyes. 

"Oh, uhm," he looked down at the bag in his hand.  "It, uhm...it was...it was on the chair." He stuttered, turning and pointed from where he had picked it up. 

"Give it to me!" She demanded, snatching it from him.  She stood there, glaring at him and all he could do was stare at her in confusion. 

"Sorry." He apologized.  "I...I wasn't going to do anything with it."  He told her.  "I was just going to give it to the bartender for safe keeping." He gestured over his shoulder.  "Look, I know you're...drunk, but--"

"I am not--" She began loudly.  She stopped and lowered her voice.  She pulled her shoulders back and brushed the hair from her face, trying to compose herself.  "I am not drunk." She insisted.  He quirked one brow up in disbelief as he stood there looking at her. 

"Mayra--"

"Don't." She spat, holding a finger up in warning.  "Don't talk to me." She insisted.  "Don't touch my stuff again." She said, pulling her purse up against her chest and turning slightly from him.  "And don't..." she paused.  She looked him up and down-her angry eyes scorching him.  "Just don't talk to me." And with that she turned on her heels and stormed out of the bar, a string of angry sounding Spanish spilling from her mouth.

JC stood rooted in place--unable to speak or do anything for a while-as he watched her disappear out the door and around the corner.  What the hell...

"Whew, boy!" A familiar voice sounded once again.  JC turned to look at the waitress.  "You weren't kidding about being messed up." She teased.  "That girl is a hot mess.  She was in here earlier, nursing a bottle of tequila.  Are..." She drawled.  "Are you two--"

"No." JC said, cutting her off.  "We're not."  He sank down into the chair he had been sitting in a few minutes ago-a heavy sigh escaping his lips.  He put a hand against his chest, suddenly finding it hard to breathe.  It felt like someone had their hand fisted around his heart.

He had a pretty good idea who that person was.

"Scotch." He told the waitress, ordering another drink.  "And this time, make it a double." 

Mayra awoke the next morning to the sound of Cassie giggling.  With a groan she rolled over.  Burying her head beneath the pillow, she reached out blindly with one hand--searching for her cell phone to check the time.  Her fingers felt around for the nightstand.  She finally found it, knocking over the empty tequila bottle that she had set there before she had finally passed out last night in the process.  "Shit." She muttered under her breath as she lifted her head slightly to peek out from beneath the pillow. 

She heard Cassie giggle again.  "You said a bad word." The six-year-old stated in a sing-song voice. 

Mayra sat up in surprise, pushing her hair back from her face as she looked in the direction Cassie's voice had come from.  She looked at the little girl who was perched on the end of the other queen sized bed in her hotel room, her attention focused on the television screen in front of her.  "What are you doing in here, munchkin?" Mayra mumbled as she finally found her cell phone and grabbed it from off the nightstand.  She groaned as she looked at the time: 7:08, then flopped back against her pillow again, placing an arm across her eyes.  With the night she had had it was way too early to have to be awake and starting the day.    

"Richard and Ethan are watching Avatar." Cassie replied.  Mayra lifted her arm and looked at the little girl as she pointed towards the open door that adjoined the two hotel rooms.  "But I wanted to watch Spongebob." Cassie replied. 

"Where are your parents?" Mayra asked through a yawn.

"They left." Cassie answered simply.  Mayra rolled her eyes.  While she was glad to have a job and she was happy being a nanny she felt sorry for the Princetons.  They didn't seem to care that they were missing everything that made having children worth it.  What was the point of having kids if you never spent any time with them or took the time to learn about and love them?  Mayra replaced her arm across her eyes and was just this side of falling asleep again when she felt her bed move.  She opened her eyes slightly and watched--a small smile coming to her face-as Cassie crawled up on the mattress beside her.  The little girl cuddled up next to her and Mayra felt her heart warm.  She kissed the top of Cassie's head then began combing her fingers through her blonde hair as she closed her eyes again. 

Mayra had always wanted to work with kids.  She loved them--loved being with them, feeling their energy, and helping them learn---and was always surprised and entertained with the things they said and did.  She had always assumed she would one day have a family but it wasn't until the past couple months that she had started to actually think seriously about having a child of her own.  Something about turning twenty-five a few months ago had made her have a "quarter-life crisis" as Kelsey jokingly referred to it, and she wondered when she would be able to have her own little girl cuddle up with her in bed.  Someday.  She told herself.  Someday.

With another yawn, Mayra stretched her arms up over her head then snuggled down underneath the blankets--wanting to put off getting up as long as she could.  She had hoped the kids would have slept a little longer than this--what with the time difference between here and New York and with how much time they had spent playing on the beach yesterday--but no such luck.  The excitement of being on vacation had them up early and so her day was starting early as a result. 

Regardless of how much you had to drink last night or the fact that you yelled at JC and told him to not talk to you ever again.

Mayra's eyes popped open at that thought.  Her heart began to pound in her chest as she looked up at the ceiling.  "Shit!" She said aloud again then slapped a hand over her mouth as she turned to look at Cassie.  "I'm sorry." She apologized as Cassie looked at her.  "I know, I said a bad word again."  She sat up--pushing the covers back as she turned and placed her feet on the floor.  "I'm going to go to the bathroom, okay?" She asked Cassie as she stood.  The little girl nodded then rolled over and began watching the TV again.  Mayra poked her head into the adjoining room to check on the boys.  They saw her and waved. "You guys okay?" She asked.

"Yeah." They both nodded from where they sat on one of the beds-a deck of cards between them.  The television was on in their room but they both looked to be completely engrossed in the game of Uno that they were playing.

"Draw four!" Richard declared as he laid down a card. 

Ethan let out a monumental groan.  "Not again!" He lamented as he picked up the required cards. 

Richard smiled triumphantly--puffing his chest out a little in self-satisfaction and Mayra couldn't help chuckling as she turned and continued on to the bathroom.  Once alone with her thoughts however, her smile quickly fell and she leaned heavily back against the closed bathroom door.  She closed her eyes and was immediately assaulted with images from the night before: her conversation with Kelsey, her failed attempt at seducing the front desk clerk trying to get JC's room number, going back to her room to finish the bottle of tequila in private, remembering she had left her purse in the bar, and returning to find JC holding her purse.

 "Don't." She spat, holding a finger up in warning.  "Don't talk to me." She insisted.  "Don't touch my stuff again." She said, pulling her purse up against her chest and turning slightly from him.  "And don't..." she paused.  She looked him up and down. "Just don't talk to me."

   With a groan she buried her face in her hands as she slid down to the cold, tile floor--her knees pulled up to her chest.

She felt horrible. 

She remembered the look of shock and confusion on his face--the way those blue eyes of his had looked at her--as she had stood there accusing him of stealing her purse and ordering him not to talk to her again.  He didn't deserve to be yelled at.  He'd done nothing wrong.  But she hadn't been able to help herself.  Her earlier agitation over seeing him on the beach and his subsequent air of indifference over their meeting had only intensified the drunker she became.  She walked into the bar, saw him holding her bag and all of the fear, frustration, and regret that had been eating her alive over the last couple years had just spilled out of her. 

She lowered her hands-her feet sliding against the tile until her legs were stretched out in front of her.  Leaning her head back against the door, Mayra pulled her bottom lip between her teeth.  She had to apologize.  Somehow, she needed to find him and apologize.  Her behavior had been irrational and uncalled for and she needed to somehow try and make it up to him.  If he remembered anything about her, he would remember that her mouth often got her in to trouble when she drank.  He should know not to take anything I say when I'm drunk personal, right?  She questioned. 

It's been three years.  A voice inside her head answered.  What makes you think he knows anything about you anymore? 

That thought caused her bottom lip to tremble slightly.  She pressed her lips together and fought back the tears that threatened to spill.  She swallowed-her nose suddenly getting that stuffy feeling that came right before she cried.

"Get a hold of yourself!" She demanded quietly, as she stood up and walked over to the sink. "It doesn't matter, remember?  He's over it and you should be too." She reminded herself of the resolution she had made yesterday--to use this chance encounter as an opportunity to close the book on her and JC.  She needed to give up the ridiculous fantasy of getting a second chance with him and cut all of the ties she had kept in place.

Mayra grimaced as she finally saw what she looked like in the mirror. She was a mess.  Her hair was tangled, her make-up was smeared, her eyes were bloodshot...she cringed thinking about what she must have looked like last night when she had attacked him.  Like some rabid, mangy dog no doubt.  She thought as she combed her fingers through her thick, dark hair.  JC had seen her looking both good and bad in the time they had been together but last night was undoubtedly the worst.  She reached for her brush on the counter and managed to finally get the tangles worked out.  Pulling her hair back in a ponytail, she then set to work trying to remove the left over remains of the previous day's make-up--one thought continuing to run through her head: regardless of her feelings toward the man in question, or her resolve to get over her lingering guilt, she needed to apologize.  Her conscious wouldn't let her just leave things the way they were.  She had walked out on him three years ago without an apology.  She wasn't going to make the same mistake again.

"Mayra?"

She turned her head as she heard the knock on the door and Cassie's voice calling her name.  Mayra took a deep breath and squared her shoulders.  Turning, she opened the door--forcing a smile as Cassie looked up at her.  "What's the matter, hun?" Mayra asked.

"I'm hungry." Cassie told her.

Mayra chuckled as she stepped out of the bathroom.  "So am I." She told Cassie as she reached down and picked her up.  "Let's go eat."

~~~~~~~~~~~

"I want pancakes."

"Can I get chocolate milk for breakfast?"

"When are we going to go swimming with the dolphins?"

"I want to go to the beach again."

"Can we go back to the beach today?"

"How come Hawaii is an island?"

"Yes!  They have pineapple!"

JC folded down the corner of the newspaper he was reading as the previously quiet hotel restaurant was invaded by three loud and curious children.  He couldn't help the smile that lifted the corners of his mouth as he watched Mayra, and the three kids she nannied, walk past his table and make their way eagerly over to the breakfast buffet that was set up on the far wall.  She hadn't seemed to notice him which gave him the opportunity to sit and observe her. 

"Can we have whatever we want?" The little girl asked as she reached for the large serving spoon that was in the tray of hash browns. 

"Let's just start out with a few things, okay?" Mayra said with a chuckle as she quickly grabbed the spoon from the child before the potatoes went everywhere.

"Okay." The little girl replied.  "I want pancakes." She said, reiterating the first thing JC had heard her say when she had walked in. 

"Okay." Mayra said as she looked around.  "There's some down there.  Come on." She said, leading the child towards the end of the buffet. 

JC watched the foursome fill up their plate and then walk out to the outside patio and eating area--marveling the entire time at Mayra's patience with the children.  She was a natural.  He was curious about why she was a nanny when he knew she had been working on an education degree, but as with all the other questions he had when it came to her that one was going to go unanswered as well.  All he knew was that her ability to remain calm and under control was admirable and he couldn't help picturing her with her own children.  He shook his head and straightened out his newspaper at that thought--going back to the story he had been reading.  His thoughts had been headed down a dangerous road and he didn't want to think about how well Mayra was able to handle the children's demands without losing her patience, or the fact that that little girl could have been theirs...

Stop it!  He demanded, clenching his jaw tightly.  That's ridiculous.  He continued, trying to shake the thought from his head.  That kid's got to be at least five so that's not even possible.  Besides, it doesn't matter.  It's over and done with.  She made her decision and according to last night that decision hasn't changed.

She didn't want him anymore.

JC sighed as he closed his eyes and dropped his arms down to the table, lowering the newspaper.  He hung his head.  After his run-in with her last night, and that second scotch he had ordered, JC had gone up to his room.  He had been proud of himself for being able to walk away after only two drinks; a definite sign that he was slowly but surely overcoming the struggles that had been crippling him the last couple years.  Once in his room, he had stepped out on the balcony and had sat out there for a long time-looking out at the darkened ocean, feeling the sea breeze against his skin, listening to the sounds of the island, and thinking.

She hated him. 

It was the only conclusion he could come up with for the way she had looked at him with such accusation and anger in her eyes last night, and he was still confused as to what he had done to deserve her hatred.  What had gone wrong between them?  Everything had been great!  More than great.  And then it all changed--seemingly overnight.  Eight months they had been together.  It was the shortest relationship he'd ever had but the one that had had the deepest impact on him.  What he had felt for her had surpassed everything he'd ever felt for anyone else.  Their relationship had refused to be broken by the miles that separated them, and the pressures of his career, but for some reason that one little question he had asked her that last night had been the bomb that had blown them apart.  Had he known the way she was going to react he never would have asked her.  Had he known the way his life was going to spiral out of control he would have kept his mouth closed. But he hadn't.  What he had thought was the right decision had turned out to be anything but. 

I never should have asked her to marry me.

JC sighed as he folded up the newspaper in his hands and stood up from his table.  These memories were doing nothing towards helping him get over seeing Mayra again--they were only making his inner demons stronger instead of doing anything to tame them.  He jammed both hands into his hair as he walked out of the restaurant and across the lobby.  He blew out a breath as he dropped his arms down to his sides.  He walked down the hall to the elevators and pressed the "up" button then stood there and waited. 

She had broken him.  Plain and simple: she had broken him and the evidence was clear.  He was afraid.  He was afraid now where he hadn't been before.  He was afraid of the hold she still had on him.  He was afraid of the depth of the feelings he still had for her.  He was afraid of putting himself back out there only to have the same thing happen again.  If he had loved Mayra as much as he had and it hurt this much--still hurt this much--after all this time, what would if feel like if he were to find someone he felt even stronger about?  Not that he thought that was even a possibility--he couldn't imagine feeling stronger about someone than he had for Mayra--but it was just better to avoid the possibility altogether he decided.

The elevator arrived, pulling him from his thoughts.  He waited for the few people that were on it to exit then stepped inside.  Pressing the button for his floor he leaned back against the back wall.  He crossed one ankle over the other and looked down at his feet.  It was ridiculous, how much he had allowed her to get to him.  He'd been through break-ups in the past and none of them had affected him like this one had.  Course, I never proposed to any of those other girls either.  He mused wryly. 

He lifted his head--watching as a hand suddenly appeared, stopping the elevator doors from closing.  The metal doors opened again and JC's heart jumped up into his throat at who joined him in the elevator.  He straightened as the kids got on and then she stood once more in front of him.  She stood in silence, her eyes betraying her shock at finding him there. 

"Sorry." She said, her eyes refusing to leave his.  The tension filling the small space was palpable and JC wondered if she could feel the connection they still had like he could.  "We'll just...we'll wait...for the next one." She said taking a step back, her eyes widening slightly in surprise at finding the doors had already closed.

"Too late." He remarked-surprised himself at the even tone of his voice--as the elevator started rising.  The images floating through his head at the moment were completely inappropriate, especially considering the three children that were with them in the elevator, but he couldn't help imagining her pressed back against the door in a very different manner.  Her arms wrapped around him, her warm body beneath his, the sound of her crying out his name...

As if she could read his thoughts her cheeks took on a tell-tale blush and she quickly turned around-putting her back to him.  She reached out towards the panel of buttons and paused.  Tossing a glance back over her shoulder at him, she looked at him in question.  "Are you on seventeen?" She asked.

"That's why the button is pushed." He replied.  "Why?" He asked, cocking his head to the side slightly as he watched her closely.

She shook her head and turned back around, her hand lowering to her side without pressing a button.  JC watched her for a moment, his eyes running over her from behind.  She had pulled her hair back in a ponytail and he couldn't shake the urge he had to lean forward and press his lips against her neck.  He knew that was one of her sweet spots and he knew that with one touch he could have her.  He leaned forward slightly, completely forgetting they weren't alone in the elevator until he felt another pair of eyes on him. 

Turning his head to one side JC met the eyes of the little girl clinging to Mayra's hand.  "Hi." He said, smiling at her.  She ducked her head and moved closer to Mayra.  JC crouched down to her level.  "What's your name?" He asked, keeping the smile on his face. 

She looked at him shyly for a second then, "Cassie." She told him.

"That's a very pretty name, Cassie." He told her.  "I'm JC." He said, holding out his hand. 

Cassie looked at his hand for a second then looked up at Mayra.  JC looked up at Mayra too.  Their eyes met for a second before she looked at Cassie.  "It's okay." Mayra told Cassie, smiling encouragingly.  Cassie let go of Mayra's hand and took his for a second.  The little girl smiled shyly then released his hand and quickly latched back on to Mayra's. 

"Are you having fun here in on vacation so far?" He asked her. 

Cassie nodded.  "We get to go swim with the dolphins today." She told him.

"Really?" He asked showing his interest. 

"Mmmhmm." Cassie nodded again.  "Do you want to come with us?" She asked innocently. 

"Oh," he began, a bit taken back by her invitation.  "Well I--"

"No, Cassie." Mayra said, interrupting him as she spoke to the child.  "He's not going with us.  I'm sorry." She said looking at him.

"It's okay." He replied, looking at Mayra.  "I would love to come with you." He said, looking back at Cassie.  "But I can't." He continued, as he slowly stood.  His eyes met Mayra's again for a heartbeat.   "Maybe another time." He finished, tearing his eyes away from Mayra and looking down at Cassie. 

JC shoved his hands into his pockets as an awkward silence filled the small space.  His mind was full of things he wanted to say to her--questions he needed answers too--but he was prevented from saying or asking anything as the elevator stopped on his floor and the doors opened.  He was prepared to have to just step out around Mayra and the kids, and was surprised when they quickly got out in front of him.  He lifted a curious brow as he stepped off himself, watching the kids as they ran down the hall, Mayra following after them.  They were on the same floor?!  That has to mean something, right? His heart questioned as he watched them continue to walk away from him, finally entering a room at the end of the hall. JC pushed that thought away as he walked to his room.  No.  He angrily answered himself.  It doesn't mean anything.  It's just a coincidence.  That's all.  He swiped his room key in the slot and opened the door.  I need to get out of this damn hotel... 

~~~~~~~~

Mayra let out the breath it felt like she'd been holding since she'd stepped onto that elevator a few minutes ago with JC.  She closed the door to her hotel room and leaned back against it heavily as the kids ran into their adjoining room to change into their swimming suits and grab the other items she had instructed them to grab before they left for the day's adventure of swimming with the dolphins.  She swallowed and placed a hand against her chest-her heart beating out a frantic rhythm.  Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it!   She swore, over and over again in her head.  So much for apologizing.  She thought with a roll of her eyes.  Behind closed doors she was all bark but when face to face with the man she had no bite whatsoever.  It was like she swallowed her tongue when she was around him.  All the carefully thought out, rehearsed, and memorized speeches and apologies she had come up with over the years left at one glance of those dark blue eyes of his.  The only thing she could concentrate on was remaining upright and somehow managing to keep from throwing herself at him--begging him to forgive her and to give her one more chance.  It had taken every ounce of her focus and will power to stay standing with her back to him in that elevator when all she had really wanted to do was turn around, press him back against the wall and have her way with him.  And then, when he had crouched down and started talking to Cassie?  She had melted.  Literally melted, watching him interact with the little girl.  Mayra had gotten a weak, fluttery feeling inside imagining JC with his own child.  While they hadn't ever brought up the subject of children in so many words, Mayra knew that secretly he wanted a family.  He was scared, like most guys were that he wouldn't be any good at it but she knew that he would be an amazing father.  The fact that he had taken the time to talk to Cassie, on her level, proved that he had a soft spot in his heart for kids and that he knew how to act and interact with them.  Again she got that fluttery feeling inside and she pushed away from the door angrily. 

Close the book.  She reminded herself-forcing the thoughts away.  Close the book.

"You guys ready?" She called out as she walked farther into the room and through the door adjoining her room with the family's suite.  Ethan, Richard, and Cassie were scrambling around their room, throwing stuff into their backpacks.  Mayra laughed.  "You guys have everything I told you to bring?" She asked as they each began zipping up their bags. 

"Yep." They all said, almost in unison. 

"Alright then." She smiled at them.  "Let's go."

"Too early..." She muttered sleepily.

He smiled as he pressed a kiss to the back of her shoulder then settled down behind her.  He kept his eyes closed, listening to the quiet sound of her breathing.  He tried to go back to sleep but his mind was awake and his thoughts wouldn't let him sleep anymore.  After the crazy, busy month he'd had JC had taken this past week and had devoted it entirely to the woman sleeping in his arms.

Since meeting last summer they had kept up their long distance relationship through phone calls and emails with the occasional visit thrown in here and there.  JC was in New York at least once a month either because of an event or premier he'd been invited to and obligated to attend or because of meeting with the executives at Jive in preparation for releasing his planned second album.  Mayra had come out to L.A. in October and, after spending last week in London for fashion week, JC had promised he would spend Spring Break with her in New York.  He had offered to fly her down to Orlando for the week, but she had insisted she wanted him all to herself and the party scene down in Florida over Spring Break wasn't very conducive for that.

The last week had been spent primarily in bed--a fact that he was perfectly fine with and which made him smile--with random outings to eat, wander around Central Park, and to see a Broadway show last night.  Today was his last full day with her and he was hesitant to see their time together end.

Nobody understood their relationship.

"She's twenty-one?!" His mother had exclaimed when he had casually mentioned Mayra in a conversation with her a few months ago.  "Be careful, Josh.  Please."

His friends were all convinced she was just his "New York booty call" and that the relationship was only there for his physical gratification when he happened to be in town.  While that aspect of being with Mayra was definitely a plus, there was more to it than that.  If she had purely just been a "booty call" he was honest enough with himself to admit that he probably would have forgotten all about her after returning to L.A. after that first night together.  Something about her, though, kept him coming back for more.  They would talk far into the night--their conversations ranging far and wide--and they never seemed to run out of things to say.  She made him laugh with her quirky sense of humor and had started to teach him a few phrases in Spanish.  She laughed at his poor accent and pronunciation of the words but her laugh was so adorable and infectious that he couldn't help but smile.  He asked her why she insisted on teaching him Spanish if she was just going to laugh at him.  She had confessed to him--after some prodding and pulling on his part--that This I Promise You in Spanish, Yo Te Voy A Amar, had "catapulted her into adolescence" and she had always had a fantasy of being with him and having him speak her native language.  JC had laughed. 

And then promptly used that information to his advantage. 

All he had to do was sing a few lines of the song he had long ago memorized, though he didn't actually speak the language, and she was putty in his hands.

People didn't understand their relationship and there were times he didn't understand it himself.  All he knew was that he liked her.  He liked her a lot.  He liked talking to her--arguing over current events and discussing books they had both read.  He liked making her laugh.  He liked spending time with her.  She was always at the forefront of his thoughts and she had quickly become the one he called whenever he was upset or excited about something.  He forgot about the age difference between them because she acted so much older than she really was.  She was out on her own--working and putting herself through school.  Her small studio apartment wasn't much when compared to the two homes he owned, but it was hers and she was proud of it, and JC liked it.  . 

JC rolled over, releasing Mayra.  She sighed--snuggling down deeper into her pillow--as he stretched out on his back, putting his arms back behind his head.  He looked around the apartment, his curiosity piqued again at the obvious absence of any pictures on the wall.  Mayra had taken the time and effort to decorate her apartment to be warm and cozy but any insight into her personal life, her family life, was missing.  He had wondered about it--why there were no family pictures--and he had realized that over the eight months they had been seeing each other she hadn't mentioned anything about her family.  She asked him questions about his but whenever he would try and turn the conversation to hers she would neatly evade the questions.  She was smooth but eventually he was going to get her to talk.  He had an insatiable need to learn everything he could about her, regardless of the walls she had in place.

"Mmmm...Buenos dias guapo." Mayra murmured as she rolled over and slung her arm across his chest. JC grinned as she nuzzled his jaw and nibbled her way to his ear. 

"Good morning to you, too, beautiful." He replied, closing his eyes as her lips began moving down his neck.  He let slip a low groan as she moved over him--her legs straddling him as she lay on top of him.  JC removed his hands from behind his head and lifted his hands, his fingers combing her hair back as he framed her face.  He looked up into her beautiful brown eyes.  This thumbs brushed back and forth across her cheeks before he pulled her down--meeting her halfway--their lips meeting in a warm kiss.  Mayra moaned into his mouth, her hips rotating against him as her hands ran up and down his chest.  He ran his tongue along her bottom lips before slipping it in to her mouth.  His fingers dug deeper into her hair, massaging her scalp as he shifted his weight and rolled her over.  Mayra giggled as she looked up at him. 

"You're beautiful." JC proclaimed as he looked down at her.  He leaned down, his lips connecting with hers in another lingering kiss.  He moved a leg between hers as he pulled back and Mayra pulled her bottom lip between her teeth--her pupils dilating with desire.  He felt his body responding and she let out a low, sultry laugh as she felt it as well.  Her hands ran up his arms and around his neck, her fingers toying with the hair at the base of his neck. 

"Oooh...someone else is awake, I see." She commented, looking at him coyly through her lashes.  A seductive grin spread across her face as she lifted up slightly. 

JC growled as he kissed her again--once on the lips and then again at the corner of her jaw as he ground his hips against her slowly.  Purposefully.  Then he pulled away, resting his weight up on his forearms.  Mayra pouted.

"No pouting, beautiful." He told her, the corners of his mouths lifting slightly.  "What do you want to do today?" He asked as he traced his fingertips across her cheekbones and over her lips.  Mayra sucked one of his fingers into her mouth--her tongue swirling around it-and JC closed his eyes and swallowed hard. 

She giggled at his reaction.  "I think you know." She replied as he pulled his finger from her mouth.

JC bent his head, and began to devour her neck as he lowered his weight more fully against her.  Mayra moaned as she turned her head slightly, sucking his ear into her mouth.  "I don't want this week to ever end." He remarked as he moved to capture her mouth fully with his. 

"Me neither." Mayra admitted.  "Me neither."

~~~~~~~~~

"We should get married." JC said, the words slipping out before he could stop them. 

Mayra spit out her Long Island Ice Tea as she looked at him, wide-eyed from across the table.  "Excuse me?" She asked.  "Wh-what?"

JC looked at her for a moment, his heart pounding heavily in his chest as he looked at her.  He cleared his throat and looked down at the table.  "Y-you know..." he began.  "I...we...we..."  He looked back up at her.  "Listen, just...just forget I said anything, okay?" He asked. 

"I can't..." Mayra shook her head.  "I can't forget what you just said, JC."

"Why not?" He asked.

"Because!"  She exclaimed looking at him like he was crazy.  "Married?!  We've only known each other eight months." She reminded him.  "The majority of which we have been living on different coasts.  How the hell is that even something that you're thinking about?"

JC dropped his eyes down to the table once again, unable to meet her gaze anymore.  How was he supposed to answer her questions when he didn't really know the answers himself?  He cursed the alcohol he'd been consuming the last couple hours since they'd arrived at the club.  After finally dragging themselves out of bed midmorning, Mayra had told him she wanted to go to "Their Club" on this, the last night that he was going to be in town for a while.  After spending the day wandering around the city together, they had gone back to her place, gotten dressed, and then had gone to the club where they had first met.

"JC?" Mayra asked at his continued silence.

He looked up at her.  "I like you." He told her.  She sat there, looking at him-waiting for him to continue; to explain why he had just given her a proposal of marriage.  "This last week...look, I'm not saying we should get married like...tomorrow." He said.  "I just..." He reached across the table for her hand but she pulled away from him.  He narrowed his eyes as he looked at her.  "What?"

Mayra was quiet.  She just sat there, watching him silently-her expression unreadable.  She looked down at the table.  "I can't..." she began.  He had leaned forward to hear her over the noise in the club.  She shook her head as she looked back up at him and pushed away from the table.  "I can't do this anymore." She said, her bottom lip trembling.

JC was stunned for a moment at her reaction but he quickly shook it off as she turned and began to walk away.  "Wait, hold up!" He said, hurrying around the table and after her.  He reached out, grabbing her arm and turning her around to look at him.  "What...what's the matter?" He asked.  "Where are you going?"

"JC, I can't..." She looked at him, her beautiful eyes welling up with tears.  "I can't do this anymore."

"Can't do what anymore?" He asked, completely confused.  "Look, I told you to forget I said anything about getting married.  I just..." He released her arm.  "I like being with you.  This week together has been great and I...I want to...you know, maybe someday...think...about talking about getting married..."

He caught the tremble in her bottom lip before she pulled that lip between her teeth.  "I'm sorry." She said.  "I know you don't understand but..."

"Wait," he said, pulling back to look at her.  "Are you...are you breaking up with me?" He asked--wishing he didn't sound like such a girl asking that question.  Where the hell was this coming from?  They had been in bed laughing and making love just hours before and now she was breaking up with him?  What the hell?! "Mayra, I--"

"It's for your own good." She told him.  "I know you don't understand but...you have to believe me.  It's for your own good."  And with that she turned on her heels and began to walk away again. 

"Mayra, wait." JC said, reaching out for her again. 

"JC, please." She replied.  She stopped but refused to look at him.  "Let me go."

~~~~~

JC tossed and turned, the sheets on the bed in his hotel room becoming tangled around him, as scenes and images from the past continued to parade through his dreams.  That last day together, his drunken suggestion, watching her walk away, the revelation that came when he realized it was over...

~~~~~

JC pulled up the collar of the dark trench coat he was wearing and hunched his shoulders against the cold rain that was falling.  He shoved his hands into his pockets as he stood in the shadows across the street from Mayra's apartment complex.  He knew this was borderline stalker behavior but he hadn't been able to stop himself from coming over to this side of town.  He had been in meetings all day with Jive trying to hammer out the details of his contract in order to release the second album he was planning to release.  After leaving the Jive offices, he had gotten into a cab and given the driver Mayra's address before he could stop himself.

After she had left him at the club, with no explanation other that "it was for his own good," JC had stood--rooted in place for what felt like forever.  When he had finally gained control of his facilities he had run after her, but it was too late.  She had disappeared.  Dejectedly JC had returned to the club and the table where they had been sitting and tried to figure out what had just happened.  He had sat there for hours, drinking--trying to numb the pain.  A pain which was completely irrational.  Why was this affecting him so much?  As she had pointed out, they had only known each other for eight months and had spent the majority of that time apart, living on separate coasts.  Why did it feel like his heart had been ripped out of his chest?

Maybe for the same reason you told her you wanted to get married? A voice inside his head answered.  Because you love her?

JC had scoffed at the idea.  Love?  After only eight months? It was impossible...wasn't it?

A gust of wind blew and a car drove by, the backsplash from a puddle the car hit, hitting JC.  Although rain was soaking him through, the extra splash of cold water jarred him from his thoughts.   It had been a month since he'd last seen Mayra.  A month since she had told him it was over.  A month since he had realized he was in love with her. 

He didn't want to be in love with her, but his heart refused to listen to reason.  He didn't want to be in love with her, but here he was--standing outside her door in the pouring rain.  He had tried.  In the past month he had tried to get over it, to move past her, but he couldn't.  Friends had set him up with a few other girls the past few weeks but he felt nothing.  Everything had lost its appeal.  He knew he was being melodramatic and if it were anyone else in this situation JC would be the first to tell that person to "buck up" and get over it, but he couldn't.  He remembered the look in her eyes that night.  She had been scared of something and he suspected that fear was what had caused her to run. That fear had also caused her to refuse to see or speak with him the next morning.  Or at least that's what JC had told himself after he had gone to her apartment after wandering around the city all night--only to find she had put all his stuff outside her door.  That was also the rationale he used when trying to explain why she refused to answer her phone or respond to any of his emails.  She didn't want to talk to him but he knew, if he could get her to talk to him he would tell her that whatever it was, she didn't need to be afraid of him.  He wouldn't let her down.

A cab pulled up to the curb across the street and JC stepped back further into the shadows.  Mayra got out--the sound of her laughter carrying across the street--and JC felt his heart constrict painfully at seeing her again; at being so close to her once again.  He watched as a second person got out of the cab and his heart fell as he watched the two of them hurry into the building and out of the rain. 

She was with another guy.

She had moved on.

It was over.

~~~~~

JC woke up in a cold sweat--his heart beating painfully in his chest as the words to the song he had written after that last glimpse of Mayra filled his head. 

I could be the first to let you know

That nothing means anything

Now I'm standing here outside your door in the pouring rain

And I can't believe nothing's supposed to get to me

Now I'm in this misery

I can't be with anyone since I felt our worlds collide

It's like I almost died

The way you make me feel

I'm changing, got me breaking down inside

Baby can't you see, you ruined me

For life

I will be the last to let you down

All your fears and doubts are

Hovering above you like a cloud

And the water's rising

Now I can't breathe, nothing's how it's supposed to be

How did you do this to me

Locked inside your heart shaped box

I can't be with anyone since I felt our worlds collide

It's like I almost died

The way you make me feel

I'm changing, got me breaking down inside

Baby can't you see, you ruined me

For life

I don't wanna be in love

I don't wanna feel this way

All I wanna do is leave

But all I can do is stay

Nights and days go by

And I can't wait to touch your face again

Although his second album had never been released, the single had been put on the radio.  His breakup with Mayra had helped him write another song about love gone wrong that the fans had liked.  It had been three years, and writing that song had helped get his feelings out on paper and in music, but the dream he'd just had, had brought it all back in living color.  He had done a good job at covering the pain--or so he had thought--over the years but he couldn't push it away any longer.  The question that had haunted him since she had left refused to be silenced any longer.  He had to know.  Before this week ended and they both went their separate ways again he had to know why.  Why had she run? 

He had been through breakups before but in each instance he knew the answer to the question, "why?"  Each instance except Mayra, and the lack of information was holding him back.  He had always been the type of person that couldn't accept anything until he knew all the reasons why.  If he could talk to her, get her to talk to him, he could ask her the question that had been eating away at him the last couple years and would finally be able to put this behind him.

Knowing what he had to do JC threw the covers aside as he rolled over and sat up.  No matter how painful it might be, he had to ask.  No matter her answer, he had to know.  It didn't matter that she had told him not to talk to her.  When he left this island he would finally be able to close this damn book--a book that had been left open for far too long...

"Yes." Marie insisted.  "Go have fun.  Enjoy yourself tonight.  I don't want you to have spent the entire vacation tied up watching the kids."

"Okay." Mayra smiled as she shifted her purse strap higher on her shoulder.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Marie replied with a smile of her own.  "Have a good night."

Mayra stood for a moment in the hallway, looking at the closed door and feeling out of sorts.  She hadn't been expecting the sudden night off and didn't quite know what to do with herself.  Turning slowly she began walking towards the elevators.  They were only going to be here for a few more days--this was probably the only chance she was going to have to see anything that she wanted to see without having to drag the kids along with her.  What should I do?  She wondered.

JC.

Mayra pulled up short as that thought popped into her head.  Angrily she pushed it away.  "That's not what I meant." She muttered under her breath as she continued walking down the hall.  But now that she had thought it, she couldn't stop the images parading through her head.  When she had met JC she had been nowhere near a virgin, but he had opened her eyes to so many things.  He was in incredibly passionate individual and that passion spilled over into every aspect of his life.  Every aspect.  Mayra shivered involuntarily as she remember what it had felt like to be loved by the man.  He could be slow and gentle one moment and then rough and fast the next.  He had been an expert at reading her moods and knowing exactly what she needed.  Though they hadn't been together long, he had been the perfect lover and she hadn't found anyone since him who could do it for her the way he had been able to from their first time together. 

Not that you've actually been with anyone since him. That annoying little voice in the back of her head reminded her as she pressed the button to call the elevator.

She hated when that voice was right. 

Being a nanny didn't really leave a whole lot of time or opportunity to have any sort of tryst, but Mayra knew that wasn't the only reason for the fact that it had been so long since she'd been with anyone.  JC had spoiled her and she knew no one else would be able to compare or even come close.  If she couldn't have him, she didn't want anyone. 

The elevator arrived with a ding and Mayra stepped in, a wave of longing washing over her as she recalled being in the elevator with JC the other day.  His calm and cool exterior, his quiet aloofness towards her had broken her heart but when she had been forced to be in such tight quarters with him she had fooled herself into thinking she had seen a spark of desire in his blue eyes.  For a moment it was as if she had been able to read his thoughts and she could have sworn he wanted to kiss her.  Her cheeks had flushed with desire and she had had to force herself to look away from him--mentally chiding herself for being so foolish.  If he wanted her, all he had to do was say so.  But he didn't.  That fact had been made painfully obvious over the years by his continued silence.  She knew she had made a mistake that night in walking away from him at the club, and in ignoring his phone calls the next day, but his silence had proved to her that she had made the right decision.  They had had a good run, but it was over.  It had been over for a long time. 

Feeling dejected, Mayra considered returning to her hotel room and just drinking the night away.  She didn't feel much like wandering the island alone, but forced herself to step off the elevator when it arrived at ground floor.  She didn't know when she would be in Hawaii next and didn't want to miss her chance at experiencing what the island had to offer.  She had enough regrets in her life.  She didn't want to add one more to the list. 

Deciding to stop first in the hotel gift shop since she didn't have the kids in tow and could take her time in choosing which souvenirs she wanted to purchase, Mayra forced her depressing thoughts aside.  You're in paradise.  She reminded herself as she stepped into the store.  Put a smile on your face and act like you're happy to be here.

~~~~~~~~~~

"All I can say is, it's about time one of you kids got married."

JC rolled his eyes at his mother's declaration.  His eyes slid over to his brother and he couldn't help the chuckle that came at seeing the same expression he was sure was on his face, on Tyler's. 

"Mom--" Tyler began, but Karen cut him off.

"Don't ‘mom' me." She said.  "I'm just saying, now that Heather is settling down, you two are next." She said pointing a finger at her sons.  Again JC's eyes met those of his brother for a second before looking back at his mother.  "I'm not getting any younger." She told them.  "And I want some grandkids before I die."

Tyler and JC let out matching groans at the old, "I want grandkids soon," line that was their mother's favorite.  Karen couldn't let a holiday or other family get together go without reminding them all that they were neglecting their duty as her children in producing offspring for her to spoil. 

"I'm not having this conversation right now." JC finally said, standing up from the chair he had been sitting in, in his parent's hotel room.  He gave his mother a kiss and told them all he'd see them tomorrow for the wedding rehearsal then left the room, heading towards the elevators.  He had come over to say hi once everyone had arrived but now that they were all together he was reminded of why he chose to live on the opposite side of the country from these people.  He loved them--God knew he did, and he couldn't ask for a better family--but he was getting too old for this shit.  Why couldn't she leave the subject alone?  Every time his mother brought it up his thoughts turned to Mayra.  Watching Heather with her fiancé--his soon to be brother-in-law, Mike--JC had to bite back the jealousy.  He loved his sister and was happy for her, but he was envious of her.  Marriage had always been something he had laughed at.  Why the hell would he want to settle down, tying himself to one woman for the rest of his life, when he was a rock star and could have any woman he wanted? 

At least that had been his way of thinking about ten years ago. 

Since then, however, the fame and popularity that had put him and his four best friends on top of the world has disappeared.  His name didn't mean what it used to anymore.  People snickered now whenever N SYNC was brought up, instead of treating him with respect.  The word "boyband" was all but synonymous anymore with the word "loser" and prompted people to make all sorts of jokes at his expense-jokes he laughed off because he had to.  He was a judge on a reality TV show for Pete's sake!  If that didn't solidify his "loser" status, he didn't know what did.   

He stepped into the elevator when it arrived and pressed the button for the lobby.  The doors closed and he caught a wiff of something familiar.  He closed his eyes as the scent of vanilla surrounded him.  "Mayra." He breathed.  His thoughts once again turning to the woman who had invaded his dreams last night.  He had spent all day trying to shake off the emotions that had been stirred up at the memories his mind had insisted on reliving all night.  He had kept his eyes peeled, searching for her all day--intent on asking her the one question he had to ask before he never saw her again.  But she never appeared.  Isn't that always the way?  He had grumbled earlier in the day.  When I don't want to run in to her, I do but when I'm actually looking for her, she's nowhere to be found.  His mission to interrogate her had been postponed by the arrival of his family, but now that the smell of her perfume had brought her image to his mind again JC was determined to find her.  The rest of the weekend was going to be taken up with the wedding and he didn't know when he would have the time to talk to her like he wanted to unless it was tonight.  The elevator stopped.  The doors opened and JC stepped out.  Walking towards the lobby he hoped he would be able to question whoever was at the front desk and find out where she had gone.  He chuckled to himself as he remembered Mayra's failed attempt a few nights ago at trying to seduce some information out of the poor guy who had been at the front desk.  Movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention and he pulled up short as he caught sight of her in the hotel gift shop.  He looked around for the kids that were usually with her and felt a sense of relief to find she was alone.  Fate was finally cooperating with him.  Here was his chance to confront her and get the missing pieces of information from her that he needed.  Then they could both go on with their lives. 

Changing his course, JC walked into the gift shop and made his way over to her.

~~~~~~~~

Mayra stood in front of the display of foam, flower hair clips, trying to decide which one she wanted.  She had seen several of the guests the last couple days wearing these in their hair and she thought they were beautiful.  It would be a good way to remember this vacation--something that would remind her of the islands whenever she put it in her hair.  Picking out a pink one that matched the wrap around skirt and tank top she was wearing, Mayra put it behind her left ear and looked at herself in the small mirror that was set up next to the display. 

"That's the wrong ear to put that flower behind."

Mayra let out a startled yelp and jumped in surprise at the voice that suddenly spoke behind her.  She turned, a hand to her chest over her now frantically beating heart, to look at who had scared her.  "JC!" She exclaimed--her heart continuing to beat frantically but for an entirely different reason now.  "What the hell are you doing here?  Don't scare me like that!"

They stood there for a moment, looking at each other, and Mayra felt a shiver skirt down her spine as he regarded her silently with those dark blue eyes of his.  Did he know what those eyes did to her?  What they had always done to her?  She may have been relatively young when he and the other guys had burst out onto the pop music scene twelve years ago, but she had been captivated by his eyes from the first moment she had seen him.  His eyes continued to search hers--as if he were trying to uncover some kind of secret--and Mayra swallowed hard as the earlier thoughts and images she'd had in the elevator came back to her.  She wondered if having one last romp with him would help cure her of this debilitating obsession she had.  It was entirely possibly that she had built him up too much in her head over the years-giving him more credit than he actually deserved.  If they slept together one last time, "for old time's sake," she would realize he was just like any other guy and she would be able to put the memories to rest. 

"If you're single," He said, finally breaking his silence and Mayra from her thoughts.  "You're supposed to put the flower over your right ear."  Before she could question how the hell he knew this information, he continued.  "A flower over the left ear," he pointed at the pink bloom she had stuck behind her left ear a few minutes ago.  "Means you're in a relationship and taken."

"Maybe I am taken." Mayra replied as she took the flower out of her hair and put it back in the display box.  She didn't know what possessed her to say that--the words had just slipped out--but for some reason it bothered her that he automatically assumed she was single.  He didn't know anything about her life.  He hadn't seen or talked to her in three year.  It didn't matter that he was right.  How the hell did he know she was single? 

JC looked at her more a second, his blue eyes turning hard.  "So it was just me, then?" He asked.

"What?" She questioned, confused at his turn and the first sign of emotion from him. 

"It was just me you couldn't be with, is that it?"

Mayra looked at him in stunned silence for a moment as the cool exterior he had had in place since interrupting her on the beach a few days ago fell-finally revealing the fact that he was just as shaken up about running into her as she was about seeing him again.  Her jaw dropped slightly as she watched his transformation.  She saw the pain and confusion fill his eyes as he looked at her the same way he had when she had run out on him at the club that last night they were together.  "JC, I..." She stopped and swallowed back the lump that formed in her throat.  She shook her head, fighting back her own emotion.  She looked down at the floor.  "It wasn't you." She said softly.  He said nothing and she turned and left-quickly leaving him and the store.  She couldn't do it.  She couldn't talk to him without completely breaking down and acting the fool in front of him. 

"Mayra!"

She heard him call after her, but she didn't stop.  She hurried through the lobby and out back to the courtyard.  She could hear footsteps following her, but she continued on.  Trying to escape, needing to run away...

"Mayra, stop." JC said as he reached out, grabbed a hold of her arm and stopped her.  Turning her to face him Mayra had no choice but to look at him.  "I'm not letting you run away from me again." He told her.  "Not until you tell me why.  Why did you run that night?" He asked her and Mayra's heart began pounding; her breath coming in short shallow gasps as he continued to hold her in place.  His eyes and his hands kept her from running like she wanted to. "Why did you quit talking to me?" He continued, asking the questions she knew he deserved an answer to.  "Why?  I need to know why." He stated.  "For my own sanity...please tell me why." He pled.

Mayra felt a tear slip down her cheek. 

JC released her arm.  Reaching up with the hand that had been holding her, he gently brushed the tear away with the back of his fingers.  "Why, Mayra?" He asked, the question almost whispered as his eyes searched hers. 

"Because I was scared." She finally told him--giving him the answer he was looking for.  She didn't know if he would accept it, but it was the truth. 

"Why?" He asked, sounding a lot like Cassie did when she came across something new or that she didn't understand. 

"Because..." she began then stopped.  She dropped her gaze from his and looked down at the ground.  "¿Por qué es tan difícil?" She muttered under her breath. Why was it so difficult to get the words out? 

JC lifted her chin with the fingers of one hand, forcing her to look at him again.  "Why were you scared?" He asked.

"Because, I didn't want you die." She told him-finally confessing to the reason she had forced herself to stop seeing him. 

"Didn't want me to...what?!" He asked, thoroughly confused and looking at her like she was crazy.  Marya sighed as she pulled her chin from his grasp and turned from him.  "Don't--" He said reaching out to stop her.

"I'm not running again." She promised him.  "Can we sit down?" She asked, gesturing towards the empty patio full of tables and chairs outside the hotel's restaurant.  Without waiting for his response Mayra walked over to the nearest table, pulled out a chair and sat down.  JC followed her, sitting down across from her. 

"Talk." He demanded. 

Mayra looked down at her hands in her lap and pulled her bottom lip between her teeth--chewing on it for a moment.  "Everyone I have ever loved has died." She told him.  She looked up, but didn't look at him.  She couldn't.  She blinked rapidly against the tears that were forming, clouding her vision.  She turned her head, looking out towards the ocean as she continued to talk.  "My parents died in a car accident when I was three." She told him.  "My grandmother, who was the only living relative I had at the time, took me in but she died from cancer a few years later which left me an orphan.  I was put into the system and became a foster kid-bouncing around from house to house until I was old enough to be on my own.  Whenever I started feeling like I belonged--like maybe this was the house I would finally be able to call home--something would happen and I would be given back and would have to move on to the next place that had an opening.  I learned never to form any attachments to people because sooner or later I was going to leave and I was never going to see them again and it was easier if there were no emotions involved."  Mayra sniffed and wiped at the tears slipping down her cheeks though it was a futile effort--they kept coming.  "When I was sixteen I met John.  He was in the system like I was and we formed an attachment.  It started first because of our shared experiences then grew from there.  We were together for two years and I loved him--as much as a sixteen year old can love."

"What happened?" JC asked, speaking for the first time since Mayra had begun to tell her story.  She finally looked at him and almost broke down completely at the concern and empathy radiating from his eyes. 

"He died." She told him, her voice cracking as she said the words.  They were quiet for a moment as she attempted to gain control of her emotions.  "I know..." she began.  "I know now that it was irrational, but at the time, I was scared." She continued.  "The feelings I had for you were so powerful and I was young.  I was scared that by being with you--by falling in love with you-that I was condemning you to an early death, but I couldn't stop myself.  I had to be with you, and I convinced myself that because we weren't in a ‘real' relationship, because we only saw each other once a month, that you were safe.  But then you started talking about getting married--"

"I only mentioned it once." JC reminded her, cutting her off.  "It wasn't a real proposal."

"I know." She told him.  "But the fact that that was even an idea in your head at the time, scared the hell out of me.  Living on separate coasts had seemed to protect you from the curse I thought I had on the people I love, but talking about marriage would change that.  Suddenly, I couldn't do it anymore.  I couldn't be with you and run the risk of you meeting the same fate as John and my family.  I couldn't watch you die too, knowing that it was my fault." She sobbed.  "So I forced myself to run away from you.  I had to run or I would never be able to leave you like I knew I had to.  I had to cut you out of my life completely or there might still be a chance that the curse would affect you.  I know now, that that was a ridiculous and completely irrational way of thinking, but at the time my fear overshadowed everything else and all I could do was run.  I know I made a mistake but by the time I realized it, too much time had passed and I knew it was too late to change anything." Mayra said, looking at JC across the table.  He remained silent, his eyes studying her.  "I know I hurt you, and I'm sorry. I was young and foolish and so in love with you and I convinced myself that leaving you was for your own good.  You were better off without me anyways."

"I would have to disagree with that." He said quietly. 

"You were." She nodded.  "You are." He shook his head and opened his mouth to say something but she continued before he could speak.  "I don't know if you can ever forgive me." She said, looking down once more at her hands.  "But I hope someday you can."  She braved a look up at him again.  "I loved you." She told him.  "These last couple days have been torture--seeing you again, reliving the memories, being eaten alive by the guilt."  Her bottom lip trembled as tears threatened again.  "But I guess that's the price I have to pay for running out on you like I did."  He remained silent and she waited for him to say something.  Anything.  He remained quiet however, and Mayra took his silence as a signal for her to leave. 

Pushing back her chair she stood.  She opened her mouth to apologize again, but stopped herself.  She had said all that she needed to say.  She had given him the reason behind her leaving and could now close the book.  Turning quickly, before he could see her cry again, Mayra began walking back towards the entrance to the hotel lobby.  She didn't hear JC's chair scrape against the concrete of the patio, so she was surprised when he gripped her arm again, stopping her once again and turning her to look at him. 

"Answer me this last question." He said, his eyes delving into hers.  Mayra's heart fluttered in her chest as she waited for him to continue.  "Do you still love me?"

Her words were cut off as JC's mouth descended on hers and he pushed her back against the wall.  She wasn't sure where the wall had come from--she hadn't realized how close they had been to the building--but she was glad it was there as her knees buckled at the intense pleasure of once more having this man's kiss.  She let slip a deep, almost guttural moan as he kissed her deeply, passionately, ravaging her mouth in ways it had only been ravaged when he had last kissed her.  His hands dove into her hair, his fingers becoming tangled as he tilted his head to the side to gain better access.  Mayra wound her arms around his neck, holding on for dear life as she was swept away by the emotions swirling around them.  JC ground his hips against her and Mayra let out a gasp as she tore her lips from his--desperately drawing in the oxygen her lungs were burning for.  JC continued his heated attack on her, his lips burning a hot, slow trail down her neck and throat.  His hips ground against her again-his obvious desire for her causing a shiver to skirt down her spine and her stomach to quiver in anticipation. 

"It's been too long." He confessed as he finally lifted his head and looked at her--his chest rising and falling deeply as he fought to catch his breath. 

"Don't stop." She begged, combing her fingers through his dark hair as she lifted up on her toes and placed her lips against his in a succession of quick kisses.  "Please..." she begged, this time grinding her hips against his.  "Don't stop." 

"I've tried." He told her, swallowing hard as he looked down at her.  His hands were still in her hair, but he lowered them slightly to place them on either side of her face.  "Lord knows I've tried to move on--to forget you--but I can't."  He leaned down again, kissing first one corner of her mouth and then the other.  Mayra closed her eyes and groaned quietly at the exquisite torture-her lips tingling in anticipation of being claimed by his again.  "I kept waiting for you to call."  Mayra opened her eyes and looked at him.  "Every time the phone rings I wonder if it's you, finally calling to tell me you still love me."

"Jace, I..." Mayra stopped, not sure what she was going to say, or what she should say. 

"You ruined me, mama." He said, brushing his thumbs across her cheeks.  Mayra's heart skipped at hearing that name of endearment fall from his lips again in reference to herself.  "That song I wrote was about you.  You left that night and I fell apart.  I don't know how you did it, but in that short time we were together you wormed your way into my heart.  I liked you from the moment I met you but it wasn't until you walked away that I realized I had fallen in love with you." 

Tears began falling over Mayra's cheeks again as he spilled his confessions to her.  Was it possible he still loved her?  After the way she had left, after the way she had treated him, he was still in love with her?      

"When I saw you down on the beach a few days ago I thought I was hallucinating." He continued.  "I thought I had finally snapped and was going to have to commit myself to the loony bin, but when I realized you were real I thought I had finally been given my chance to ask you my questions and get over you." He pulled away from her slightly.  "To close the book, so to speak."

Mayra's heart began beating painfully in her chest.  "Don't..." she shook her head, unable to speak for a moment around the lump in her throat.  "Are you?" She finally asked.

"Am I what?" He questioned.

"Are you closing the book?"

~~~~~~~~

JC looked at Mayra for a moment, trying to wrap his head around everything she had told him and what had just happened between them in the last few minutes.  Finally he spoke.  "No." He said, shaking his head.  Mayra released what sounded like a sigh of relief and JC felt his desire flare again for her.  He leaned towards her again, pressing her back once more against the wall behind her.  His lips hovered above hers as he kept eye contact with her.  "Your room or mine?" He asked, causing the corners of her mouth to lift in a smile. 

"Yours." She told him as she finally closed the small distance between them, her lips meeting his.  He kissed her back, relishing the feeling of having her in his arms once again.  Everything was right once more with the world and he felt like he was breathing again for the first time in years.  With a grin he broke the seal of their lips as he bent down, placed an arm behind her knees and swept her up into his arms.  She laughed as she tightened her arms around his neck.  "Jace, you don't have to--"

"I hope you're ready." He said, cutting her off as he began walking towards the entrance to the hotel lobby. 

"Ready for what?" She questioned with another laugh.  He had missed her laugh!  His grin widened as he looked at her--her brown eyes sparkling happily back at him. 

"I've been fantasizing about this night for the last three years." He confessed as he walked with her through the lobby of the hotel and towards the elevators--ignoring the looks they were getting from the front desk staff and the few other hotel guests scattered around. 

Mayra's cheeks blazed and they reached the elevators and he finally put her feet down on the floor.  She kept her arms around his neck as he reached behind her to press the "up" button.  "I hope you're ready." She told him as she leaned up and kissed him. 

"For what?" He questioned, echoing her earlier words as her lips continued to nibble at his.  The elevator arrived and he walked her back into the box as the doors opened.  He turned her, since her arms were still around his neck and she refused to release him--still scattering kisses along his jaw.  Pressing the button for their floor, he pressed her against the side wall of the elevator.  She surprised him by jumping up--wrapping her legs around his waist-as she kissed him again, her lips capturing his fully once again.  His hands traveled up the expanse of her thighs now exposed since her skirt had ridden up when she's jumped up on him.  He felt the shiver that went through her and felt a smug sense of satisfaction go through him at knowing he could still affect her so easily. 

"You're not the only one who's had fantasies the last couple years." She said as she pulled back, finally answering his question.  JC laughed as he put his hands on either side of her face and kissed her soundly.

"I love you." He proclaimed.

"Prove it." She challenged with a coy smile.

He growled as he leaned over her again, devouring her neck--his hands dropping to roam again over the soft, supple skin of those incredible legs of hers that were still wrapped around him.  The elevator finally stopped on their floor, forcing him to step away from her so they could walk down to his room.  He took her hand and she followed him down the hallway.  He glanced over his shoulder at her and grinned--still amazed at how everything had turned out and kicking himself for being so blind and stubborn over the years they had been apart.  If he had done what he had wanted to do all along they could have avoided all this.  Instead of spending the last three years apart, they could have been together if he had gone after her and forced her to talk to him that night.  They had lost a lot of time, but he was determined to make it all up tonight.  He was going to love her until they were both too exhausted to move.  He had gone far too long without feeling her wrapped around him, tasting her, hearing her cry out his name...

He pulled his room key from his pocket and swiped the card through the slot.  Pushing open the door, JC pulled Mayra in after him.  His mouth claimed hers and they both began fighting to rid the other of their clothing before the door even had a chance to close and lock.  As they tumbled onto the bed in a tangle of arms and legs--the sweet feeling of her warm body next to his once again--JC decided this was the best vacation he had ever been on.  He'd been around the world several times over and had seen some incredible things in his lifetime but none of them compared to this moment right here.  Right now.  With her. 

"Don't stop." She begged as they moved together in that old familiar way he remembered and had dreamt about over the last couple years.  "Don't stop..."

~~~~~~~~~~

Mayra sighed happily as she and JC lay in bed together later that night.  She heard him chuckle low in his chest and she snuggled up against him--the sated smile on her face refusing to leave.  He had done what she'd challenged him to do.  He had proven his love to her.  Over and over again.  Suddenly JC sat up, startling her.  "What's the matter?" She asked. 

"I need my notebook." He told her, a huge grin on his face.  Mayra sat up and leaned back against the headboard as he watched JC dig through his bag.  He finally pulled a blue, spiral bound notebook and a pen from the duffle and sat down at the foot of the bed.  She watched as he flipped to the middle of the book, bent his head, and began frantically scribbling something down. 

"What are you writing?" She asked, curious.  He was quiet for a moment, focused and intent on getting out whatever it was that was in his head.  Then, as quickly as he had gotten up from the bed he tossed the notebook back into his bag and turned--all but pouncing on her.  "What the hell has gotten into you?" She asked with a laugh as he grinned at her, his blue eyes sparkling excitedly. 

"You." He said as he gave her a quick, hard kiss. 

"Me?" She asked.

"You've gotten in to me." He explained.  "I haven't been able to write a decent song in months but one night with you and all that's changed."

"That was a song you were writing?" Mayra asked in surprise.  He nodded as he moved to settle down next to her on the bed once more.  "About me?" She questioned.  Again he nodded as he grinned at her.  "Oh." She said, not knowing how she felt about that.  "Do I...do I get to hear it?" She asked.

"Eventually." He answered as he leaned over her, one hand reaching up to brush the hair away from her face.  "I'm sure you'll hear it eventually."

"What about right now?" She asked, curious as to what exactly he had written down about her. 

He shook his head.  "Not right now." He said as he leaned closer to her, his lips brushing hers.  "Right now I want to hear something."

She couldn't help the smile that turned up the corners of her mouth as he kissed her.  "Oh?" She asked, though she had a pretty good idea what he was going to say.  "What do you want to hear?"

"You." He replied as he kissed her again and again.  "Begging me not to stop."

Mayra moaned as he rolled over--welcoming the delicious weight of his body atop hers again.  His mouth moved against hers slowly, seductively, as his body coaxed hers into the unique rhythm that was all their own.  His hands caressed her as he brought to the edge once more, but instead of letting her fall, he pulled back. 

"Don't stop." She begged, on the verge of the release that only he was capable of giving her. "One more time, baby, please." She plead.  "Don't stop.  Please...don't stop."

Mayra cried out his name as he did as she requested--her body shaking as she came down from the high.  JC collapsed on top of her and she smiled, combing her fingers through his dark hair that was now damp with sweat.  She kissed the side of his head as he groaned--the sound reverberating from his chest to hers as they lay pressed against each other. 

Mayra chuckled.  "What are you groaning about?" She asked as she closed her eyes.  She tried to fight it, but she was exhausted and sleep was quickly claiming her. 

"You." JC said, giving her his favorite answer of the night. 

"What about me?" She asked, her eyes still closed as she continued to comb her fingers through his hair rhythmically.

"This vacation is going to end in a few days." He reminded her.  Mayra's eyes opened and she looked up at the ceiling as he continued.  "We're both going to go home and then what?" He asked.  She looked at him as he lifted his head to look at her. 

"Have you ever thought about moving to New York?" She asked.

He sighed and shook his head.  "My career--or what little there is left of it right now--is in L.A." He replied. 

"Well, then maybe..." she paused as the words she was about to say registered.  Was she really going to suggest this to him?  Her heart began to beat nervously in her chest. 

"Maybe?" JC echoed, prompting her to continue. 

Mayra looked at him for a moment.  "Maybe we should get married."

JC looked at her in stunned silence for several minutes.  "A-are you..." he cleared his throat as he continued to look at her in shock.  "I'm sorry, what?" He asked, shaking his head slightly as if he hadn't heard her correctly. 

Mayra pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as she looked up at him-wondering if this was how he had felt when he had said those same words to her that night.  She had reacted in much the same way and she wondered what was going to be the final outcome of this conversation.  "There hasn't been anyone since you." She confessed, her words coming out quietly. 

"Aren't you afraid I'm going to die if we're together?" He asked, his face serious. 

Mayra looked at him for a moment, wondering how to convince him she didn't feel that way anymore until she saw the hint of mischief in his eyes.  She narrowed her eyes as she slapped his arm playfully.

"Ow!" He protested with a laugh.

"No." She told him.  "I'm not afraid of you dying if we're together." She put her hands on his chest and used all her strength to push him over--rolling with him until she was on top.  "I may kill you however." She continued with a laugh of her own as she lowered her head to kiss him. 

"Promises, promises." He remarked teasingly.  Mayra bit down on his bottom lip.  "Ow!" He exclaimed again with a chuckle.  "Damn woman, get off of me!" He said putting his hands on her upper arms and holding her away from him.  He held her up for a moment then slowly released her, allowing her to lay once more atop him.  "Are we going to do this?" He asked, in all seriousness. 

"You tell me." She said as she tilted her head and placed a kiss to the corner of his jaw.  "Are you willing to give me another chance?" She asked as she switched sides--her lips smudging over the slight stubble that darkened his chin and jaw.  He groaned as she slid down--kissing her way down his neck and throat and peppering his chest with kisses.  Her hands roamed over his smooth, warm skin, exploring the ridges and planes of his magnificently sculpted body.  His fingers slid into her hair and she grinned as another groan escaped him.  She looked up at him through her lashes.  "What was that?" She asked.

"Yes." He croaked out.  His tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip as his eyes remained closed, a look of pleasure on his handsome face.  "Don't stop." He begged as she continued on her downward path.  "Please...don't stop..."

Don't you

Feel it when you close your eyes

Use me

I know the way to paradise

Hey you

Everything feels so right

In here tonight

Don't stop

Keep it going

Don't stop

Feeding me

Don't stop

What you're doing cuz it makes us grind

Turn it up

Make it louder

Dance the beat

Underneath

Don't stop

Cuz we need to do it one more time

I'm not done so let it play

I need to feel it one more time

Don't give up even if it's late

When it feels so good we do it one more time

Don't stop

What you're doing

Don't stop

Yeah I like it

Don't stop

We'll keep it going till the lights come on

When all the moments slip away

At least we can say we did it one more time

Listen

And you can navigate the dark

Follow

Every little beat of my heart

Take me

Cuz I want to be wherever you are

So don't stop

Don't stop

Don't stop

I'm not done so let it play

I need to feel it one more time

Don't give up even if it's late

When it feels so good we do it one more time

Don't stop

What you're doing

Don't stop

Yeah I like it

Don't stop

We'll keep it going till the lights come on

When all the moments slip away

At least we can say we did it one more time

"Stop!"

Mayra looked up from the paperback novel in her hands.  She squinted, even though she was wearing sunglasses, and put her hand up to shade her eyes as she looked at the two children who were playing a few yards away from her lounge chair.  She watched as Aiden and Isabella sat, working together to build a sandcastle.  Aiden reached over, trying to add sand to one of the towers, but Isabella pushed him away. 

"Stop!" The little girl insisted again, loudly.  "I said no more sand, Aiden." She told her brother. 

Aiden pulled back, adding the sand in his hand to another tower.  "My tower's gonna be bigger than yours is." He stated.

"Nu-uh." Isabella replied, her dark pigtails bouncing.

"Yes, huh." Aiden countered.  "I'm gonna build the biggest and tallest tower ever!"

"Nu-uh." Isabella said-never one to allow her brother to have the last word. 

"Yes, huh!" Aiden insisted, beginning to become really upset.  Mayra watched as he reached over, pushing down the tower Isabella had pushed him away from moments before. 

"Hey!" Isabella cried out.  "Aiden, how could you?" She asked, reaching over to push his dark haired head away from her. Aiden stood and began running away.  Isabella quickly stood up and followed after her brother.

Mayra chuckled as she continued to watch the children. Someone else might have jumped in to intervene between the children, but after a degree in Elementary Education and spending eighteen months as a nanny, Mayra knew that the five-year-olds' quarrel would be forgotten as quickly as it had arisen.  She leaned her head back, keeping her eyes on the two kids as they began playing in the water.  "Not too far!" Mayra called out to them.  The twins turned to look at her, and Mayra felt a tug at her heart.  She was still having a hard time believing they were going to be starting Kindergarten next month.  Mis hijos estan creciendo.  Her babies were growing up so fast! A shadow passed over her, drawing Mayra's eyes from the kids as she looked up and over to her right.  She smiled and lifted her sunglasses.   

"One Long Island Ice Tea." JC said, handing her the tall glass.

"What took you so long?" Mayra asked him, accepting the drink as he settled in beside her on the chair next to her. 

"The waitress was cute." He replied with a shrug as he sipped his own drink. 

"Wrong answer." Mayra said as she reached over and smacked his arm playfully at the teasing smirk on his face. 

He laughed as he turned to look at her, his blue eyes sparkling.  He switched his drink to his right hand as he reached out and took her hand with his left.  He laced their fingers together and Mayra relaxed back against the lounge chair her eyes once more moving towards the water--watching as Aiden and Isabella continued splashing in the water and chasing after the sandpipers that hung out at surf line. 

"Can you believe it's been five years?" JC said, bringing her eyes back to him. 

Mayra looked down at his left hand in hers-smiling at the sight of the platinum wedding band on his ring finger.  The ring she had placed there herself a little over five years ago.  Her eyes traveled up to meet his and her heart gave a little skip.  Her mind flashed back to the last time they had been here in Hawaii. The result of that night they had reunited after being separated for three years were the two dark-haired, blue-eyed five-year olds playing in front of them, and the matching wedding rings she and JC wore. 

Although she had been the one to suggest it, Mayra hadn't thought he would agree to marrying her--especially after the way she had left him when he had mentioned it the first time.  But he had.  However, they both had jobs and--as much as she wanted to just elope--Mayra's practical side demanded that they wait and plan. It had been three years since they had last been together.  Yes, the physical and sexual attraction was there full force like it always had been, but who was to say that the rest would still be there?  A lot can change--a lot had changed--over the three years they had been together and Mayra convinced JC they needed to see if what they had once had was still there.  All of it--not just the sex.  Sex was great, but a marriage needed to be based on more than just sex. 

 At the end of the week, Mayra returned to New York with the Princeton's and JC flew home to L.A.  A week later, however, JC flew to New York, Mayra arranged to have the week off, and the two of them spent seven blissful days together: rediscovering each other and establishing the fact that there was more between them than just the sex.  Tentatively they set a date for a year away-giving them time to plan everything and figure out which coast they were going to live on.  A monkey wrench had been thrown into their plans, however, when two weeks later Mayra discovered she was pregnant. 

She still remembered that phone call.

JC had been speechless for about three minutes as she told him that according to the doctor she was three weeks along--meaning that the baby had been conceived in Hawaii.  After stuttering and insisting they had been careful, Mayra reminded him that the first time had...happened a lot quicker than they had expected and it had only been the times following that first one that he had been wearing a condom. 

After the initial shock wore off, JC had been excited.  More excited than she had thought he would be and he had pushed her into moving their wedding plans up to before the baby was born.  That insistence was multiplied when they found out she was having twins.  Mayra had agreed and, six months after being reunited with the man she had met and fallen hopelessly and completely in love with on her twenty-first birthday, she found herself married to JC Chasez and anxiously awaiting the birth of their twins. 

"No." She finally said, answering his questions.  "They're getting so big." She said, gesturing with her head towards the kids though she kept her eyes locked with his.  "They're not babies anymore and it...it kind of breaks my heart." She confessed. 

"Well, do you--oof!" JC exclaimed, cutting off and dropping her hand as Isabella surprised him by jumping on him.

"Daddy!" Isabella exclaimed happily, throwing her arms around his neck.

"Hi, baby." He said, putting his arms around his daughter.  "Are you torturing, Aiden?" He asked with a smile. 

"Mmmhmm." Isabella nodded.

"That's my girl." JC replied proudly. 

"Dad!" Aiden said running up to him as well. 

"Yeah, bud?" JC asked, turning his attention from Isabella to her brother.  Mayra couldn't help the smile that spread across her face as she observed JC with his children.  He was a natural-just like she'd always known he would be-and the obvious love he had for his kids made her love him even more.

"Come play Frisbee with us." Aiden requested, pulling on JC's hand. 

"Yeah, come play with us!" Isabella echoed.  "Please?"  She pouted, and looked up at him with those big blue eyes of hers and Mayra laughed as JC visibly crumbled. 

"Alright." He said, giving in to the children's requested.  The kids cheered and he laughed as he scooted Isabella off his lap.  "You two go get started.  I'll be right there." He promised. 

Aiden and Isabella scampered off to retrieve the red Frisbee that had been packed in the beach bag Mayra had toted down with her a few hours ago and Mayra chuckled as she watched them began trying to throw it back and forth to each other.

"As I was saying." JC said, drawing her attention back to him.  "Do you ever think about having another one?" He asked.

Mayra looked at him in surprise-her eyes wide.  She blinked a few times.  "Another baby?" She asked, completely shocked at the suggestion coming from his lips.  "I-I-I..." She stammered.  Truth be told she did think about it, but hadn't brought it up, not knowing how he would feel about it. 

"Think about it." He said, a mischevious grin in his blue eyes as he stood up from his chair.  He stepped towards her then leaned down, resting his hands on the arm rests of her chair and lowered his head to place a light, yet lingering kiss to her lips.  "We're here for a few more night and it might be fun to have another souvenir from this place." He winked at her as he stood and jogged away--joining Aiden and Isabella in their game of Frisbee and leaving Mayra completely speechless. 

"Damn you, JC Chasez!" She called out with a laugh.

"Uh-oh!" JC said, looking exaggeratedly at the kids.  "Mommy said a bad word." He said.  Aiden and Isabella giggled.  "You know what that means." He said as he handed the Frisbee to Aiden and jogged back over to where Mayra was sitting.  "She has to come play with us." He said as he grabbed her up--slinging her over his shoulder before she could protest and walked back to where the kids were giggling.  Mayra laughed as JC finally put her feet down on the sand and stood in front of her, grinning.  "Boys against girls?" He asked.

"Yeah!" The kids agreed with him. 

"See, if we have another one, the teams will be uneven." Mayra told him as she reached up, combing her fingers through his hair. 

"Maybe." He replied as his hands rested on her waist and pulled her up against him.  "Unless we get another two-for-one deal." He said as he pressed his lips against hers.  "We might get lucky again." He grinned.

"I am not have twins again!" Mayra replied with a laugh.  "If you want another set of twins you can have them."

He laughed as he kissed her again.  "Okay, how ‘bout just one?"

"Are you really sure about this?" She asked, searching his eyes. 

"Yeah." He nodded.

"Why?" She asked. 

"Because we make damn cute kids together." He grinned and Mayra chuckled. "Come on, mama, what do you say?" He asked, nudging her with his hips.

"You really want another, baby, don't you?" She asked.  He nodded and she smiled.  "Okay." She said.  "Let's have another one." She grinned as she kissed him. 

"Come on, guys!" Aiden said, interrupting them and demanding his parent's attention.  "Stop kissing and let's play!"

Mayra pulled away with a groan, putting a smile on her face as she turned to look at her children.  She dropped her arms from JC and turned--taking a step away.  She didn't get far however, before JC pulled her back to him.  "You, me, tonight." He whispered, placing a kiss on her neck.  Mayra was suddenly thankful for the two bedroom suite they were staying in as a shiver skirted down her spine.  "And my two favorite words."

Mayra turned to look at him, lifting one brow in question at him. 

"Don't." He said, holding up one finger and then another.  "Stop."