I get a little lost by a little shop and ask the first person I come across to help me find an address. I have written directions to someone's house for a job through a temp agency. "Excuse me." The guy looks around and sees me. I walk up to him.
"You need help?"

"Yeah, I'm not from here and need to get to this address. Could you tell me which way to go?"
He looks at the paper. "You're way off. I can give you a ride there after I stop at my house. For a cleaning position?"

I look at him. "You won't try nothing funny?" He laughs and shakes his head no. "Wait a second. Aren't you Josh Chasez?"
"No one really calls me that around here. Yeah, that's me."
"Talk about oddball luck. I get lost and run into you. One dream done & I've only been here a couple weeks."
"Oddball luck?"
"Yeah, it's just my way of saying I have an odd kinda luck. One of my dreams has been to meet you. I always thought I'd freak out."

"Well, you're not and thanks for that. What do ya say? I can give you a lift."
I shrug and smile. "Sure." We start walking to his car and I text my friend, Dawn. "I have one question."
He looks at me, curious. "What would that be?"
"Would you be willing to build a great friendship with someone you just met, like me?"
"Maybe. How long you been in LA, exactly?"
We get in his car. "About three weeks. I still can't believe how outta place I feel."

"Where are you from?"
"Fitchburg, MA."
"Where the fuck in MA is that?"
I laugh. "It's about half an hour outside Worcester."
"Figures. You live there your whole life?"

"Pretty much. Too much drama so I moved as far from it as I could. I thought of places I've always wanted to see and narrowed it down to Orlando, Tampa and here. I looked at available jobs, available and affordable apartments, utilities, and transportation. Then made this my choice. Planned for close to a year and moved out here with the warden and the kids."
He laughs. "The warden?"
I roll my eyes. "My husband."
"You're not too happy with him."
"Not since our youngest was conceived. He's more worried about sex, work and video games than me as a person and the kids. I probably shouldn't be telling you all this."
"Guarded? Don't blame you. I won't tell anyone."
I shrug. "LA is so big and I thought the shit hole I call my home town was big. Wow. It's also beautiful."

"Yeah. If you know the right people, you'll have everything you need taken care of."
"Thanks for the help."
"To be honest, my neighbor will probably just let you go after a few months. Might not be worth your time."
I look at him like 'what'. "Are kidding me?"
"No, it's what they do."
"Damnit. Sorry."
"You're an adult. I never caught your name."
I shake my head, like I was clearing it. "I'm sorry for being so rude. My name is Sam."

He shakes my hand with his right hand. "You probably have alot on your mind."
"Still rude." He shrugs. "But, yes, I do have too much on my mind. Kids, trying to get back into college, how to get rid of the warden or find an fwb, find a job, afford college and afford the bills and apt."
He looks at me and smiles. "I can help you with a couple of those things."
"Which ones?"
"Job, kids and affording everything. Maybe the fwb thing, if I knew what that is."
I laugh. "Fwb means friend with 'benefits'. Why?"
"Of the sexual kind?"
I smile. "Yeah."
"Only one rule if it happens."
"Tell nobody cuz it's only our business?"
"Yeah. How'd you know?"

"My motto when I have an fwb, after the first one."
"Not your first time playin your man?"
"No, he's been accusing me of cheating since we had our oldest."
"When'd ya start actually doing it?"
"About two or three years ago and it's sporadic."
"Why only every so often?"
"Cuz he'd start sayin that I'm giving someone tail cuz I don't wanna give him any. He's already started that since we moved here."
"Asshole. Would you like me to help you out?"
"If you wanna, I'd appreciate it greatly."
"Just keep in mind, I can work around your schedule if you're honest with me."

I look him in his eye while we're stopped at a red light. "Ok. Bit of honesty goes a long way. I don't have a perfect body, I'm overweight."
"So? Do you wanna lose the extra weight? I'll gladly help."
"Ok. Yeah, I would love to lose it."
"I have something to admit. I have never done this with a random girl."
I laugh. "What about a girl that gets excited when the guy she's gonna give it to scratches and playfully bites her?"
"Not that I can remember."
"Add that to your experiences when we start to fool around, if it happens."

We pull into his driveway, he turns off his car and looks at me. "So you're telling me that if I were to kiss and bite your neck, you would get turned on?"
I look at him and smile. "Exactly what I'm telling you." I get out and look at his house. "Nice, Josh."
He gets outta the car. "Thanks. Back to the topic. So if I did this-" he kisses my neck from behind me "you'd wanna jump my bones?"
"If you keep it up, yes. Right now you're just being a huge tease."
"Why do you say I'm being a huge tease?"
"I've had a crush on you since 92 and have really liked you for your personality, eyes, intelligence, smile and patience."

"Really?" I nod, biting my lip. "Wow, that's a long time. Twenty years for a crush?"
"Yeah. It's a long time but I'm not acting like a fool in front of you. Am I?"
He smiles. "No. But you are very interesting."
We head inside and he leads me to the kitchen. "What do you mean I'm interesting?"
"Interesting enough to get to know better."
I shrug. "I'd like to know you as a person too."

He checks my left hand for a ring. "No ring. You must not care for him." I shake my head no. My bracelet catches his eye. "What's this mean?"
"I'm Irish and it helps me to focus on the positives in my life and that I have to learn more Gaelic. My grandma may have passed on in 98 but that doesn't mean I shouldn't do what she asked me to."
"What did she ask you to do?"
"Embrace my Irish roots, learn some Gaelic and use it throughout my life."
"Do you?"
"So far, only when I write. Or curse. I taught myself some dirty phrases and I would love to use them. I also know how to say 'I love you' in four languages."
"What languages?"
"English, French, Spanish and Gaelic."
"I wanna hear this."
"I love you, j'ai t'aime, j'aime tu, j'adore tu, te amo and finally graim thu."
"That's six."
"No, three were in French."
"There's three ways to say that in French?"
I jump on his counter and sit on it. "Yup. I took it for four years in school."

"Why are you sitting on my counter?"
"Old habit. You want me to get down?"
"No, you're alright there."
"I'm sorry." I blush.
"Wow. Most girls blush the second they see me or go into a crazed frenzy."
"I guess I'm not most girls."
"Guess not." He stands in front of my legs and puts his hands on the counter on either side of me. "You have the confidence and courage to come to me and ask for directions, trust me enough to get in my car, come to my house, tell me everything you have and not even try to hurt me or steal from me. Why?"
"Your personality is why and I know stealing isn't worth the trouble."

"Don't you get a vibe from me?"
"Like a bad one? No, you have a blue aura which is a calming and trust worthy one."
"I feel a pull to you. Like I should get to know you or something."
"God's way of saying you should get to know me?"
He smiles. "Maybe. You believe in God?"
"I may not go to church, but I do believe in God and prayer."
"That's a good thing."
"Do believe in your signs?"
"Which ones?"
"Astrology and Chinese zodiac."
"I know I'm a Leo. I don't know what I am in the Chinese zodiac."
"I'm pretty sure you're a dragon."
"Oh?"
"Yeah."
"What are yours?"
"Capricorn and tiger."
"What astrology signs are you compatible with?"

"In astrology, I'm compatible with Leos and Scorpios. I think I'm compatible with the monkey in the Chinese one. My sign works with the dragon well too. Lotsa compromising."
"What about sexually?"
"What do you mean?"
"How sexually charged are our signs?"
"Alot. My signs are fire and earth. Yours are mainly fire. We share fire, which is a natural resource and most natural resources come from the earth. Essentially, we're feeding off of each other's sexual energies right now. And the way you're feeding into my energies, you're making it hard not to want you sexually." I hang my head in embarrassment.
He gently kisses me. "Did that help or make it worse?"
I bite my lip. "Worse."

His cell rings. He answers it while looking at me. "Hello? I have company right now. Maybe later today I can swing down to the studio and help you out. I'll let you know when I can be down that way. I'll call you when I'm on my way. Yeah, see ya later." He hangs up and looks into my eyes. Part of me wants to scoot as far back as I can on his counter and curl into a ball while sitting up, another part of me wants to let him have his way, and another part wants him to bring me home. He smiles. "Some of my friends and the artists I work with have bad timing."

My mind is saying to get outta his reach  and my body is screaming to make him want me or to kiss him. I can't think straight. "Yeah." My cell rings. I look at it and see it's Joe calling me. I answer it, rolling my eyes. "Hello?"
"What are you doing? Where are you?"
"Job hunting. Got a lead from the temp agency. On my way to the site." Not a complete lie cuz we were before we got to JC's house.
"Then I'm gonna let you go so you can get there."
"Yup. Bye."
"I lo-"
I hang up on him. JC looks at me. "Who was that?"
"Warden."
He smiles. "You kinda lied. You're not job hunting. You have a job and the pay is good."
I'm confused. "What do you mean?"
"I'm hiring you."
"What do I do?"
"On the books, you clean. Off the clock, whatever happens, just happens."

"Really?" He nods, smiling. I hug him. "Only things I'm gonna have you get and do are buy a washer and dryer set and hampers, then have you get used to putting the clothes in the hampers so I can wash the clothes you wear." He nods again. "What about the fwb thing?"
"When you're ready to do it."
"One thing you might wanna know."
"Good or bad?"
"I think it's good. My tubes are tied."
"You can't get pregnant?"
"Not without surgery or IVF."
He smiles. "So even if I bust in you, I don't have to worry?"
"Not as much as if my tubes weren't tied. Might have an etopic pregnancy."
"Have you yet?"
"No cuz the guy has pulled out or wrapped it. Did it a couple times and he did bust inside, but nothing."
"Wanna chance it?"
I'm confused. "Bare?"
"Yeah. If you're clean."

"I get tested every year. Just got tested and everything came back negative. I'm clean."
"I usually wrap it and haven't caught anything. I don't have any other bad habits."
"You're willing to trust me?"
"Have you lied to me yet?"
"Well... No, but-" He kisses me. "How do you know if you're clean if they don't draw blood? Some things are only detected in the blood."
"Do you want it? Do you trust me?"

"I want it and I wanna trust you, but I also don't wanna risk it." He kisses me again, pulling me closer to him. I put my hands on his shoulders. I want him so bad. "How do I know you won't just want me around when you want tail? And ignore me otherwise?"
He looks me in the eye. "I'm gonna wanna get to know you. You interest me. You're intelligent, confidant, and compromise."
I hate split second decisions. "Fuck it. Let's do this." He smiles and we start kissing. Someone knocks on the door.
He throws his head back in frustration. He grabs my hips and helps me down from his counter. He grabs my hand and walks with me to the front door. I stand off to the side and behind him. "Who is it?"
"Chris."
He opens the door. Chris comes in and they hug. He sees me standing behind JC. "Who's she?"
"Sam, this is Chris. Chris, Sam."
I smile and nod at him. He smiles back. "She's not very talkative. She seems shy."
I shake my head. "Shy, no. Wanting one thing? Yeah."
"Oh, really? What do you want?"
I look at JC. "Him."
"What do you mean? JC, were about to get laid?"

"That was my goal. I got her to say ok and we were getting close to getting to it before you knocked."
"Dude, you could've not answered the door."
"It would've drove me outta my mind hearing you knock."
"Well, I'll talk to you later then. Lemme know when she heads home."

"Talk to you later." Chris leaves and JC closes the door. He pulls me to him. "Where were we again?" I kiss him. "Oh yeah." We start making out again. He guides me to the door and pins me. I grab his shirt and pull him as close as I can. He kisses down the side of my neck. I start breathing a lil heavier, wanting him more than ever before and more than I've ever wanted anyone. He pulls my hair down my back, exposing my neck. He kisses the front of my neck and works his way to the side of my neck to playfully bite it. I softly moan. His hands move from the door to my hips, slowly. He then moves one hand to brace my lower back and the other gently travels up my side to the middle of my ribs. He continues to kiss my neck and all I can do is moan and pull him closer by his shirt. The hand he had on my back starts moving downward and he slides his fingers in my back belt loop. My cell phone rings. I slide my hands down his chest and tight abs to his side belt loops and grab them. I pull him closer to me by his jeans. The hand he had on my side slides to my hip and he squeezes it, pulling himself even closer. His cell phone rings, he ignores it. He stops for a second and I start pulling him toward the couch. He shakes his head no and pulls me toward the stairs, to his room. He pulls me close. "I wanna hear you talk dirty."

"I only know one phrase in Gaelic that's dirty and it has to be timed just right."
"C'mon, baby, it's cool."
I smile and bite my bottom lip. "Heard those words somewhere before."

He shrugs. "So?" He leads me to his room and sits on his bed with me on his lap. We start kissing again. He stands up, holding me, turns around and lays me on the bed. He lays next to me and we continue making out. Slowly he slides between my legs and positions himself directly above me. His cell rings again. He grabs his cell, presses end and drops it on the floor. He starts kissing me again. He's grinding me and kissing my neck. I have jeans, a nice tank top and my white DCs on. As he's kissing my neck and grinds me, he takes my shoes off as well as his. My back starts arching and I'm softly moaning. He unbuttons my jeans and slides the straps to my tank top down my arms, kissing my shoulders and neck. He strips off his jeans and boxers, then strips my pants and panties off me. He playfully bites my neck and he starts to give it to me. He continues to kiss me and when he gets into it, he pins my hands to his bed by interlocking his fingers with mine. I start grinding back and we are matching movements, in harmony. He has one hand on my hip, pulling me closer every time I try to pull away. He has both of my hands gently pinned with the other. I get close to cumming and feel it building. I pin him with my legs so he can barely move and kiss him. Just as my body starts to calm down, I let him get his groove back. I get close again. He kisses and bites my neck.

My back arches and I moan. I pull him as close as I can and whisper. "Taim ag teacht." He kisses and bites my neck again as I say this. I cum and he blows at the same time.
He releases my hands and kisses my lips again. He lays next to me and I cuddle to him. He wraps his arm around me. "Did you get off as you said that?"
I nod my head. "Yeah, I did."
"That's what that means. That's pretty dirty and in a foreign language."
"So, you got me going and got both of us off." I sit up. "I need a shower. I think both of us do. Save water and shower together?" He shrugs. I pull him to the bathroom. He gets in first and I get in a minute or two after him. He gives me a kiss as he gets out. I wash up and get out. He's drying his hair with a towel.
He sees me come out, wrapped in a towel and he smiles. "You know what you're doing."
"Thanks." I smile back at him. I walk around to the other side of his bed and get dressed.
"Wait a minute."
"What came across your mind, Josh?"
"When were you born?"
I put my shirt on, sit near him and hold his hand. "January 10, 1986."
"We're almost ten years apart? How long have you been having sex?"
"Close to 15 years. I was 11 or 12 the first time and I had been dating my then boyfriend since I was 9."
"How old was he?"
"He was 16."
"You like much older guys."
"They're usually more mature than the guys my age."
"True. Is that part of why you have a crush on me?"

"First things I liked were your personality, smile and eyes. Then intelligence and patience. I took the time to learn about you from those survey things you and the rest of the group did for teen mags. As well as the interviews. I didn't learn your birthday until the late 90s. I wondered what happened to you after MMC. I found out when MTV and VH1 played 'I Want You Back'. I taped it and showed my grandma. She had taped the last show before it went off air. I paused the last MMC episode and pointed you and Justin out to her. Put in the video with 'I Want You Back' on it an pointed you guys out again. She said you were cute back in 98... She passed a couple months later. The last thing she told me that I remember was that I should follow my heart and believe in the Irish in me." I feel tears starting to fall. I wipe them away and smile. "I follow my heart and believe in the Irish in me. This is where it lead me. I miss her so much."

"It sounds like you were very close to her."
"I am. I mean was. I still love her." He gives me a quick hug. "I'm usually not like this afterward." I smile at him. "Thanks."
"Anytime." I lay belly down on his bed to grab his cell for him and he lays on me, teasing. We laugh and I look over my shoulder. He gives me a kiss and grabs his cell. "Nine calls? How long did we go for?" He looks at the first missed call and smiles. "That explains it."

"What time is it?"
"Quarter till two."
"I have to call the warden and tell him to get the kids cuz I'm 'working'."
"Yeah, till 6 tonight." He smiles. "How long have we spent together?"
"Almost five hours."
"Wow. That's it ?"

"We met around nine this morning cuz I texted my best friend back home saying I got lost and someone was helping me get there. She probably texted me back while we were busy."
We head downstairs as we talk about the people we have to call and let them know we're busy till 6 cuz I was 'starting work' that same day. I check my cell. Dawn called an hour ago. I call her back. "Hey, what's up? Started working and I'm on break."
"Girl, I called almost an hour ago."
"Sorry." I look at JC and smile. "Kinda got caught up in work."
"You said something around 8:30 about cleaning someone's house."
"Yeah, not my fave thing to do, but the pay is good. So I can't complain. The hours are flexible too."
"Who's house?"
"One of the guys from *NSYNC. I can't tell ya who cuz I'd be violating the temp agency's privacy policy."
"Over 6 feet tall?"
"No."
"Blonde?"
"Nope."
"Blue eyed Leo?"
"How was your weekend?"
"It's JC. Good. Yours?"
"My week is going better than my weekend."
"Cuz you're working?"
"Yup. I should be done by six thirty."
"I'll call you back then."
"Alright, later." I hang up and call Joe. "You're gonna have to get the kids cuz the person they sent me to asked if I could start right then. I have to work till 6."

"Are you serious? Can't you get them?"
I roll my eyes. "No, I'm working till 6 and this is my half hour break. I won't get to their stop in time."
"What the fuck?"
"I'll be home before you have to head to work, so cut the shit. You should've been sleeping instead of stressing about me."
"I just thought you would've called to see of it was ok."
I make a 'whatever, fuck you' face, roll my eyes and shake my head. "It's either I started then and there or be passed over. So shut up and deal if you want help."
I hear our door close and him lock it. "Whatever. I'm heading to their bus stop."
"Thanks. Got another minute left on my break. Be home around 7 cuz it's an hour transit." I hang up. I look at JC and smile as I put my cell down.

"He's dense."
I shrug and look around. His house is pretty clean, not counting his bedroom. We were just up there. "Makes it easier to have an fwb. What's the plan for the next 4 or 5 hours?"
"We can get to know each other better."
"Ok, what do you wanna know?"
"Let's start with the basics. Cell phone number?"
"It's been my number for two years. 978-728-7846." I hold up my cell. "I usually answer and have it at my side or in my pocket."
"Have a secondary number?"
"If there's wifi, I do. Otherwise, no."
"How does that work?"
I hold up my iPod. "I need Internet access with wifi in order to access it."
"Are there any cell phone companies that would give you service?"
"As far as I know, AT&T and T-Mobile. Why?"
"I have a solution. That has a passcode lock, right?"
"Yeah. Why?"
He smiles. "Privacy enough to talk about things like what we just did and get to know each other. Your cell phone will be for 'work' purposes. What's the earliest you can get here?"
"8:30ish in the morning. After I get the kids to school."
"Can you get the serial number and any other information I might need to activate it on my plan?"
"Yeah. I can text it to you after the warden goes to work."
"Would you mind if I stop by when he leaves?"
"Um, sure."
"I'll drop you off near your house. Unlimited minutes and text. Most likely gonna talk via text more, ok?"
"The kids should be asleep by then."

"Maybe another round? After we get service for your iPod." He pulls me close and kisses me.
"Maybe." I smile and give an innocent look.
"You weren't innocent just a little while ago. We both know it."
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Josh. I remember 'talking' about details. I forgot what you meant by good pay." I smile.
He hangs his head and shakes it, smiling. "You're good at this. $10.50 an hour. Close to sixty hours a week. It'll help with tuition, bills and the kids."
"60 hours? How am I gonna pull that off?"
"About 35 outta of it will be during the week, days. The rest is just claimed. You said you have alot on your plate and wanna get out from under the warden's thumb."
"So 25 hours outta it, I don't even need to be actually working?"

"Nope. Plus there will be nights where you'll be 'working' and be out with me."
"Oh, so clubbing is part of it?"
"Along with being a companion to certain events. We can claim you were house sitting or travelled with me to ensure my safety."
"And moonlight as your date?" He nods. "I can live with that."
He gives me a kiss and smiles. "That's figured out. Can I see the form the company gave you?"
"How do you know there's a form?"

"I asked my neighbor about hiring a temp to clean and the process with agencies." I hand it to him, he fills it out just like he discussed and edits some info. He puts that his neighbor referred me to JC, the rate is higher and more hours. He signs it and calls the agency. "Hi, how are you today? That's good. You sent a temp to my neighbor's and they referred her to me. My name is JC Chas-yeah, that's me. Her name is Samantha Jefferys. January tenth, 1986. Yes, the pay rate and number of hours will be changed. The rate will be $10.50 an hour and she will be getting at least sixty hours. That's correct. Could it be faxed over? Oh, it is?" He looks at the paper and spots the fax number. "Yes, I see the number. I'll fax it right away. Thanks for sending her. You too. Bye." He hangs up and looks at me. "We just need the neighbor's wife to sign it." We walk over to his neighbor's and he greets the wife. "How are you?"

She smiles and nods at me. I do the same to her. "I'm good, JC. What do you need, sweetie?"
"This is the temp that was supposed to come to you today. Her name is Sam. I could use her help. It's my fault she didn't show. I kinda sidetracked her and just remembered that she said she was looking for your house. Would you be willing to sign this saying you referred her to me?" He smiles.

She looks semi-annoyed by this. "I suppose it's ok." She signs it and hands it back to JC.
"Thank you." He turns to me, winks and smiles at me. I smile back and nod. "Let's go finish what we were doing."
We get back in his house and he faxes the paper to the agency. He calls the agency to make sure they got it. He keeps the original and thanks them for sending me. I look at him and shake my head. "I feel kinda guilty."
"Why's that?"

"One song would explain it." I pull out my iPod and play Nickelback's 'Shakin' Hands' for him. "'She's no cinderella when's shes getting them dressed cuz she rocks it like the naughty wicked witch of the west. Every A list player is her favorite friend, the school girl skirt is on the top of the pile. She's making six figures a week, working three days a week. She'd even break a promise in the promised land. She didn't make it this far by just shaking hands. You grow up quick when you grow up poor. I doubt she would let the devil buy her little book, city would fall if anyone ever got a look. She shakes her money maker twice as hard as anyone can.' Those are the lyrics that apply to me right now."
"Is that how you feel?"
"In some ways but I think it's kinda funny. I'm pretty sure that I won't be making six figures and only work three days a week." I laugh.
He smiles and shakes his head. "You have a twisted sense of humor, Sam."
I look at him. "Thanks. I try sometimes." I smile.
He laughs. "So you intrigue me after. Interest me before, get my attn and intrigue me after. I can get used to this."

I nod. "Me too." We head out to his back yard and sit by his pool.
His cell phone rings. "Yeah, what's up, Justin? Yeah, I have company. Yeah, she has brown hair with reddish tones and blue eyes. Sure, it's safe to stop by. No. She would probably shoot ya down. See ya soon." He hangs up, looks at me and shakes his head.
"Lemme guess he wants it too." JC nods. "Pssssshhhhh, not happening. Only you." He puts his shades on. "Ok, cool kid. One question." He looks at me over his shades. "How do ya feel after havin a feel of MA?"
He laughs. "Damn fucking good."

"Fuck you. I feel better than that. I love the feel of MD." We look at each other and crack up. He gets a text, heads to the gate on the side of his house and opens the gate. "Justin, over here."
He and Justin come and sit by the pool. "Hey there cutie."
I look at him. "Hiya curls."
"So whatcha doin later?"
"Goin home to my three lil ones and staying there."
"Up for company?"
"Yeah."
"What time?"
"I was gonna say his" I nod in JC's direction "company."
"Awww, come on, don't be that way, baby."
I look at JC. "Sounds like something you said on your album." He laughs.

Justin looks annoyed. "Are you sure you don't wanna be justified and be more in sync with life?"
I bust out laughing. "That is one of the WORST pick up lines EVER." JC shakes his head. "Justin, I know you're smart. So why you actin so dumb?"
"Fuck you."
"I'd rather fuck JC."
"Why?"
"I love the feel and taste of MD. Plus a twenty year crush trumps anyone else."
He looks at JC. "What year would that be?"
"1992."
"Weren't we on MMC back then?" JC nods.

I look at Justin and smile. "Damn right, fucka. His personality, smile, eyes, intelligence and patience with your bull shit is why I'd rather fool around with him."
JC smiles. "Plus I already got her addicted to me. Before I even met her. More so since earlier today." He smiles at me. I smile back. "She would rather act on a crush and know she's feeling good than to act on just hormones. Right, beautiful?"
"Hell yeah. Sorry, Justin, today's not your day and the next lifetime of tomorrows aren't looking good either."
JC cracks up and Justin flips him off. "Go screw."
I look at Justin. "Didn't Chris tell you that's what we were about to do when he stopped by? We're both satisfied now." I smile at JC. He smiles back.
Justin changes the subject and looks at JC. "So you're fooling around with a mom of three? This is new territory."

"She KNOWS what she's doing and her kids are all school age."
"Who's watching them right now?"
"Family."
"How'd you meet this one?"
JC smiles at me. "She was looking for my neighbor's place and got lost. Downtown and she walked up to me and asked for help. I offered her a ride, she came here, we talked, did our thing and now we're hanging out."
"So other than shooting me down, how funny is she?"
"Funny as she feels like. Just don't piss her off."
"Why not?"
"I don't wanna find out what she's like when she gets pissed."
Justin looks at me and smiles. "I can give it to you till you scream."
I calmly look at him, annoyed by his advances. "Teigh trasna ort fein, Justin."

The two of them look at me like they don't understand much of what I said. JC is across the pool from me. I smile knowing I'm the only one who knows what I just told Justin. JC thinks for a second before he shrugs and shakes his head. "What did you just tell him in what language?"

"Gaelic. I told him to go fuck himself." I nod. I see Justin get up and think he's just gonna walk by me. He picks me up and throws me in the pool instead. I surface and swim to JC. "What the fuck is your problem, Justin?"
JC helps me outta his pool. "You ok?" I nod.
He's laughing his ass off. "I figured since I'm not gonna get to feel the inside of you, I should make myself laugh by throwing you in the pool."
"I'm drenched and don't have an extra set of clothes. You're lucky I'm a strong swimmer."
"Do I care?"
"Payback's a bitch and I will get you back when you least expect it. Keep in mind, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. You just scorned me. I got your number."
"Oooohhhhh I'm shaking. Not!"
I nod. JC holds me close. "Sam, we need to get you into a clean set of clothes. Dry em out. You might fit some of my pajama pants. I can't help ya with a shirt. Sorry."
I look at JC. "That'll be great. Thanks. It works. My tank top will dry faster than my jeans." As we walk by Justin I act like I'm gonna punch him or push him in the pool and he flinches. I laugh and JC shakes his head.
"That was mean."

"Making him flinch?" He nods. "I was seeing if he thought I'm serious about getting him back for throwing me in your pool. I've been fighting my battles for over twenty years with my cousins and they were all in their teens when I was just getting into school. Don't let my height and size fool you. I can defend myself and trust me, I use my height as an advantage. You and most guys I know use their height against me. I use my patience, size and brain against them." He hands me a pair of his pajama bottoms and I change outta my jeans. I give him a hug. "Thanks." I look out his window at Justin. We head back outside.
Justin smiles and try not to laugh at me cuz I have to hold the pant legs up to keep from walking on them. He turns away from me and I rush him, pushing him into JC's pool. I step back far enough from the pool that Justin can't grab me and pull me in. I smile. Justin climbs out and heads straight for me. JC steps in front of me. "Justin, everything you do to her, she's just gonna get you back for it." Justin looks at me and I nod.

"She's just hiding behind you cuz you already fucked her."
I close my eyes and shake my head. "Excuse me, Justin Randall?"
"You heard me, I didn't stutter, little girl."
I nod and dart around JC. "Say it to my face."
He gets close to my face. "He was defending you cuz he fucked you."
I nod, shove him with enough force to knock him down and kneel on his chest. He looks at me, shocked. I smile and nod. "See fucker? I can defend myself. I may be smaller but the small ones are the ones to watch out for. Call me little girl or disrespect me again and I will do this again. Am I clear?"

"Yeah. Can you let me up?" I get up and put my hand out to help him up. He looks at it for a second before he grabs it. I steady my stance and help him up. "That hurt. Sorry I doubted you."
"Just keep this in mind when you think about pissing me off again." I turn and walk over to JC and realize my cell phone was in my jeans. "Foutre! My cell was in my jeans!" I book it upstairs and check my pockets. Nothing is in em. I check the counters and find my iPod. "Josh, you see where I put my cell?" He checks his pockets and smiles. He grabbed my cell when grabbed his. I must have put it on top of his and not realized it. "Thanks." I walk over and  take it from him. He grabs my hips and smiles as I look at him. He steals a kiss from me. "I haven't stolen a thing from you but you can steal kisses?" I smile cuz I'm teasing.
He smiles. "I'm only gonna steal kisses, your time and small tastes of you."
I look at his expression. "Really now?"
Justin covers his mouth, like he's about to laugh. "Alright, cassinova. I get it. She's pretty much wrapped around your finger or dick."
JC looks at Justin. "You're just mad because she shot you down."
"Keep in mind who used to get more tail back in the day. And who's had two girlfriends since 02."
"I prefer to dip and bounce. Or just fool around without commitment."

I look at Justin around JC's arm. "I don't mind fooling around and have no emotional strings attached. It's better if it's the same person cuz then you both know each other's buttons and it gets better with each time. I just get to be as freaky as I want and leave with a smile."
"Freaky?"
"Yeah, I said it."
"What do you mean by freaky?"
JC smiles. "Scratching, biting and pinning."
I smile and scrunch up my face. "That you know of, that you know of."

He keeps his hands on my hips and looks at me, curious. I smile, twist my hips and walk around to other end of his pool. I pull the pant legs up and put my feet in the water. Justin is laughing. He sits down near me as JC shakes his head, shocked I'm playing hard to get. Justin whispers in my ear. "Just nod or shake ya head. Playing hard to keep his attn?" I nod. "Ya like it rough when the mood suits it?" I nod. "You wanna jump his bones again, huh?" I shrug. "You speak more than one language?" I nod. "2?" I shake my head. "3?" I shake my head. "4?" I nod.
I whisper in his ear. "I only know bits and pieces of each." I sit straight up again, smile and look at the water.
Justin just sits there and counts the languages I've spoken since he got to JC's. "I've only heard two."
"You've heard three. I'm speaking in English, told you to fuck yourself on Gaelic and said fuck in French when I thought my cell was in my jeans after you threw me in the pool. Three languages."
"Is fuck one of your favorite words?"
"Sometimes, depends on the mood I'm in."
He nods as JC sits behind me and puts his arms around me. JC whispers in my ear. "You know how to keep my attn. You switched your hips as you walked over here." I nod and lean back on him.
Justin sees this and I can imagine the gears in his brain starting to turn. "You act like you're with him, in love with him and have known him for so long. The problem with that is you just met today and are just fooling around."
I look at Justin and raise an eyebrow. "It's called flirting and teasing."
"That's not how it looks."

I shake my head. "Aquarius have the tendency to read too deep into some things. Justin, quick astrology lesson followed by a quick Chinese zodiac lesson. Ready?" He nods. "I'm a Capricorn and he's a Leo. According to astrology, we are HIGHLY compatible. Chinese zodiac says I'm a tiger and he's a dragon, which means alot of compromising. On top of all that, between both, our signs are completely sexually compatible and very sexually charged when near each other. My signs are conflicting cuz astrology dictates earth and my Chinese zodiac sign is fire. Both are natural resources. JC's are mainly fire in him due to his Chinese zodiac sign being a fire dragon. Most natural resources come from earth, and those resources also help keep the earth from dying off. So all in all, sexually, we feed off each other's energies and feed into the other's sexual energies."

"Are you for real? You follow that?"
I shrug. "Explains my traits cuz they don't come from anyone in my family or how I was raised."
"Really? What do you mean?"
"I'm loyal but nobody in my family is loyal to anything but money and themselves. I'm honest but nobody in my family can be honest with me. I tend to cause peace but my family is always at war. I have a calm exterior and inside is complete chaos but nobody in my family can do that. I am intelligent, hide it till it's needed or I want to use it and I take pride in my intelligence, unlike everyone in my family. I tend to think faster and further ahead than the majority of my family. Can you figure out why? I'm in my own generation and essentially the most prepared with the most in fear inside."

He thinks for a second. "Not that I can think of right now."
"Also take into consideration that I'm French, Irish, Scottish, British and Blackfoot Indian. Five of the angriest, most defensive and violent ethnic backgrounds. I'm peaceful until I reach my boiling point. When I took you down, that was pure instinct and self-defense based on a split second decision."
"So because of your ethnic backgrounds, you're pretty much an angry drunk who will kick someone's ass if they push you too far but can otherwise hide it and nobody will know until you snap."
"Unless they know me like my best friend back east."
"You should've brought her with you."
"How do you know if my friend is a girl?"
"Just a guess."
"Well she is and I moved my little family out here to get away from the drama in MA. That's why I'm letting you and JC to really get to know me."
He nods and looks at JC. "We're screwed, man."
"I get screwed that way and she can kick someone's ass without training. Imagine what she could do if she was in shape and trained."

"Then anyone who pisses her off would be lucky not to need a doctor."
I look at Justin. "There are exceptions and certain people I'd let piss me off. There's Jackie Chan, Jet Li, Mark Decostas, and Wesley Snipes. Just to name a few. I wouldn't wanna fuck with them. I'd be lucky to be BREATHING after going toe to toe with one of them."
They laugh and I smile. "I'm legit about that."
Justin gets up and stands in the grass. "You know how to spar?"
I look at him like he's crazy and shake my head. "Not really."
"C'mon. Come spar." He motions for me to go up to him. "I'll show you how to throw a punch." I sigh and go over to him. I get in my stance. He claps his hands. "Hit my hands. Don't hold back." I punch his hands, making sure to hit the opposite hand I'm using to punch. I do this for close to twenty minutes. "You have a bunch of energy and a good amount of force but your connection to the target isn't so great."

"I kinda figured. My lower body has more strength than my upper body."
"That's how you're able to take almost anyone down." He nods, understanding my physical strength.
JC comes over to us and pulls me close to him. I blush and smile. He looks at me. "She can pin me with just her legs. I have to admit she has more strength in her legs." He looks at Justin and smiles. "We know how hard it is to pin me and keep me pinned for more than a minute. She did it. All I'm gonna say is I was on top too."
Justin looks at him and is surprised. "That's rare. I have only been pinned while on top a handful of times. I bet she could spar with Nick and Aaron at the same time and knock them down a couple times."
I look at them both, confused. "I hope you're talking about this as in fun, not competition."
Justin laughs. "It's the only way they spar. They do it for fun and to stay in shape."
I nod. "Ok."

JC reaches in his pocket, grabs his cell and dials someone. "Hey, Nick. How ya been? You said a few weeks ago that you were looking for someone new to spar with and train, right? That's what I thought. Met someone new and she's-yeah, she's interested in learning to spar and use it for self defense. She's 25 and a mom of three. She's honest and she can learn it when you can make time. She started working for me today. She finished early and-" He nods and smiles at me "It's 3 in the afternoon. She's technically on the clock till six. Sure, that'd be awesome. See ya in fifteen." He hangs up. "He'll be here in fifteen minutes to help her start sparring and training. He's gonna work with her for a week then spar without instructing her, to see how much she's learned by then."
I'm confused. I look back forth between JC and Justin a few times. "What the what with who and when?"
They laugh. Justin shakes his head. "Not paying attn? Nick Carter is coming here in ten minutes now. He's gonna work with you and teach you to spar and pretty much test you every week to see what you learned."

JC looks at me and smiles. "Don't worry too much. Show him what you can do and he'll work with you and what you already know. He'll work with what you can do and expand on it. He's pretty strict about it and he doesn't goof off when it comes down to it. He might once in awhile."
Justin starts laughing cuz I look scared outta my mind. "What's to be afraid of? Other than Lauren, you're fine."

"I thought I'd meet him under other circumstances. Also take into consideration that we have a chance of being fucking related. Between finding out I have biological relatives with the last name Charpentier and Blackfoot Indian, both on my dad's side of the family a few years ago." I shake my head. "When do I drop this bombshell on him? When I meet him? Walk up to him, shake his hand or hug him, and say 'hi, I'm Sam and we might be related'? I think not."
Justin smiles. "Wait a few weeks, bring up family and bring that up."
Nick walks in the yard. "What about family and bringing something up?"
I stutter for a second. JC walks over to him. He hugs him. "She's just worried about some info. It's no biggie."

Nick shrugs. "If you say so." He comes over and I give him a hug. "JC never told me your name."
"I'm Sam. They started talking about you, called you, and set this up."
He smiles. "Nice way to scare the fuck outta her. Hey, assholes, she's only around five foot three. Justin and I are over six feet and JC you're what just under six feet? She probably has a chihuahua complex."
I bust out laughing. "I do and that's why I knocked Justin on his ass and pinned him earlier."
Nick looks at me like I spoke in a language he doesn't understand. "Are you kidding me? She pinned you, Justin?" Justin nods. "Ankle biter syndrome."
I shake my head. "I'll give you fucking ankle biter syndrome." I walk behind Nick as he talks with Justin and JC and kick the back of his knee, causing it to buckle and him to go down. I put my hand on his forehead and gently pull back toward me. I look him in the face. I smile. "Ankle biter syndrome, chihuahua syndrome. How's it feel to be on the receiving end of it?"

"Interesting. You're also ninja like. I think within six months you'll be able to kick my brother's ass."
"One question."
"What's that?"
"Still looking for distant relatives? Be honest."
"Yeah. Why?"
I let him get up and brush off his jeans. "I have info but I think it's too soon to tell you."
"You have alot of the Charpentier/Carter characteristics and traits." I look at him, trying to stay as calm as possible. "Anyone in your family have either last name or is part Blackfoot Indian?"
"My biological father's birth mom's last name is Charpentier and is Blackfoot Indian."
He looks at me. "What do mean by his birth mom?"
"He was adopted as a toddler."
"Makes sense. You seem like you don't like him or something."
"He chose to walk out on me and my mom the summer I was 4, beat us, and left us with nothing but debt."
"Born and raised a fighter."
"He decided while my mom was pregnant with me that I didn't matter."

"After that, I'd come out swinging too." I look at him and stand in front of JC. "Ok, I can tell that you use your size and intelligence to your advantage. I see why JC likes you."
"Who said anything about him liking me?"
He nods at JC. "The look on his face says he likes you when he looks at you, Sam. We've only known each other since 98, 99. Trust me, he's easy to read once you really get to know him. Even more so, after you've worked with him."
"Alright. I'll give you that." I raise an eyebrow at Nick and smirk.
"You have the same expression I do sometimes. It's like looking in a mirror at a younger, female version of me with that smirk." He finally gets into stance and smiles. "Rush me."
I smile and get ready to rush him, turn away and he looks confused. I whip around and rush him. I knock him clear on his ass and pin him. "One."

"You know enough to keep track of your pins." I nod as he gets up. "Good sportsmanship skills because you don't advance an attack as your opponent gets up. You have a good amount of patience." I smile and get into stance. "You're serious about this." I nod and signal come on. He shakes his head. "Ambitious. Let's start with the basic moves, punching and kicking." He crouches down so I can easily punch his hands, then looks around. "JC, do you have a punching block I can use?"
"Yeah. I'll go get it." He heads inside to get it. After a few minutes, he comes back out with a padded punching block.
Nick takes it. "Thanks. Sam, I want you to focus on this as your target and punch it full force, alternating blows."
"Every other blow should be with the same hand?"

He nods and I walk over to him. "Get into offensive stance. The stance you were just in. Start punching the block when I push you. I push, push back and attack." I nod, get into stance, he pushes me using the block and I do as he said. We do this for an hour and a half. "Ok, that's a great first session and you're dedicated. Pick two days you'll have off. You got alot on your plate cuz you have kids and are working."
I think for a minute. "Wednesday and Saturday."
He nods. "Those are the days I won't be here to train with you. I might be here to chill but not to train. If you still wanna spar on days off, it's for practice. No lessons those days."
I nod as JC stands behind me. He touches my side and I look over my shoulder. "What's up? FYI-not a good idea to sneak up on me and just touch me."
"Oh, sorry. We only have an hour before you're considered off the clock."
I think for a few seconds. "Which gives me about an hour and a half to two hours before I'm expected to be home. We have time to hang out. I'm not too stressed about it."
Nick listens to the tone I have with JC. He's watching my body language. "Are you two together?"

I hang my head and mutter 'Aquarius'. "No, Nick, we're not together. Why?"
"Between your tone and body language, it's what it seems like. You have a soft, tender tone with him and your body language says you like being close to him and in his arms."
"Yeah, so? A twenty year crush, flirting and just fooling around would look like that too."
"You get a defensive tone when you're asked about it. You have a defensive Capricorn tone."
"Cuz I am a Capricorn. I am also loyal to those who are loyal to me, honest, it's an earth sign and very sensual."
"And can also be emotional at times."
"I know AJ is a Capricorn. His birthday is the day before mine. You're an Aquarius, Brian is a Pisces, Howie is a Leo, and Kevin is a Libra. I think Kevin is a Libra. Yeah, he is."
Nick laughs. "Damn. Thought you were an *NSYNC fan, not a Backstreet fan."
"I'm both and NKOTBSB, 5ive, O-Town. I love music. I prefer Tupac, Tyrese and Boyz II Men, though." I shrug.
"Beach Boys?"
"I like 'Kokomo', '409', 'California Dreamin', 'Little Surfer Girl' and 'Fun, Fun, Fun'."
"Outta all their songs, you got it down to five?"
I sit in the grass and nod. "Yeah cuz they're my all time faves outta all the songs they did."
JC sits behind me as Nick sits down. "You're more of a face to face, sit down and get to know kinda person. Down to earth and open. You're very laid back and relaxed until you need to step it up or snap."

"Pretty much. Positivity breeds beauty and good fortune."
"What is good fortune to you?"
"Good friends, happiness, peace, positivity and someone to love."
"So right now you see this whole scene as good fortune?"
"Sitting in a friend's yard, talking with him and two other friends on a beautiful and peaceful day is very good fortune. Why?"
"You don't seem to give a fuck about our social status or what we have or what we are."
"You're people like me that were given a chance to live your dreams and bust your asses to keep what you've worked so hard to get in the first place."
"Is that how you view us?"
"Workaholics who earned what they have and don't stop working to keep everything you have, yeah. All you need is love and happiness in love to complete your lives." I shrug. "Right now, I'm pretty happy."

Nick nods. "Good point and we are just that. There are a handful of celebs that didn't work to get what they have."
"Paris, Nicole, and Paris's sister."
"Yeah. But if you surround yourself with people like us, you'll be golden."
I hear Justin hmmmm about something. "You straighten your hair?"
"No. If I let my hair dry naturally, it gets waves in it. And no, this is not my natural color. I'm a natural blonde. It turned dirty blonde when I was about twelve and mouse brown by the time I was fifteen. Dyed it blonde for 3 1/2 years and now I dye it this color."
"Damn. Answered all my questions even though I only asked one."
"Yeah, I know where you were trying to go with it. I'm not telling you the name of the color. Forget it."

"How the fuck? I was thinking it."
"You were staring at the back of my head and it falls under the series of questions about hair."
Nick laughs. "The eyes in the back of a mom's head thing. Still gets me to laugh and freaks me out." He shrugs. "The sparring will help get you in shape once we done with the basics and start doing things like duck & jab combos. It's gonna hurt for awhile. But you feel so good."
JC rubs my thigh. "Aren't you getting hungry?"
"A little bit. I'll just eat when I get home."
Nick looks at me. "That's one thing you're gonna have to get on a set schedule and make sure you're eating right. Makes it easier to drop whatever weight you wanna drop. I'm not trying to preach but it does work. One day a week you can cheat on it. My cheat day is Saturday."
"What do you consider 'unhealthy'?"

"Candy, soda & anything else that has sugar, sugar substitutes or overly processed ingredients as the first ten items." I give him a guilty look. "After that look, I wanna see what you have for food in your house and soon. Shit, I'll buy the first couple weeks of food for your family. Kids will eat it because it's all you have. Whoever else eats at your house don't like it? They can eat it and suffer or go hungry. Make it stick."
"Easier said than done. The kids are easy. I have trouble switching my eating habits."
"Start with little things like switching from mayo to mustard or actually measuring the amount of mayo."
"I switched from mayo to mustard or honey mustard about two years ago. I use mayo but not half as much as I used to. I use less mustard than I did a year ago. I'm trying to wean myself off the ketchup and salt. I hardly use salt anymore and ketchup is a bitch to stop using."
"I use ketchup for somethings. I don't use it like I did when I was 19, though. Juice is a big thing. If it has more sugar than a serving of oj, pour the container into a gallon container and match it with the same amount of water or half the amount of water. Sugar is the biggest downfall. Not eating is another." I nod, feeling guilty. "Losing weight is not just something you do physically, but it's also a mental process. You reteach yourself how to eat and how to eat healthy."

"I have a major sweet tooth."
"What's the sweetest chocolate that you like?"
"The lindt chocolates."
"Those are the little balls of different kinds of chocolate and have soft centers, right?"
"That's them."
"Have one midday and you'll be fine. Daily treat to look forward to and help you get through the rest of the day. I like my burgers. Twice a week I have an angus burger. I cook it on my grill or go to McDonald's and get one. I get fries and a soda, I do it once that week. What helps keep you motivated?"
"Music."
He nods. "If you have a portable music player or iPod, use it when you practice and while you work for JC. Use it when you clean and when you walk."
"I bring the charger for it everywhere I go, just in case it has to be charged."
"Good habit. What about fluids?"
"I usually bring a bottle or two of juice or water with me. Forgot today cuz I thought I was just gonna bring the kids to their bus stop and head back home. The temp agency called and said they had a position for cleaning. Turned out to be JC's neighbor. Got lost downtown and ran into him. Asked for help and he offered to give me a ride and I'm here. They called just as my kids' bus pulled up."

"From now on grab water or watered down juice, two or three bottles, EVERY time you leave your house. Even if it means getting up early or putting a little bag with them in it in the fridge the night before."
"What about certain extracurricular activities?"
"If you mean what I think you do" he quickly nods toward JC and I nod "play hard to get and be on top sometimes. Work it and work it hard. Try to keep upright and lean back when you get close. It'll either heighten it or prolong it. You wanna try to prolong it. If he's better on top, push your flexibility limits and control him with your legs. Pin him, push him away, pull him closer. Lauren does it to me all the time, it just makes me want more."
"Ahhhhhh! Not my business and I don't wanna know about your sex life, just in case we are related. Remember?"

"Oops. Sorry, I'm just so used to talking to the guys about things like this. Hardly do I ever give these tips to women."
I shake my head. "It's different when women give each other tips like that. But certain guys can't tell some women things like that. I know when guys get together and all have girlfriends who talk to each other, the guys have no filters between their brains and their mouths. Us girls have more subtle ways of saying the same things without it being obvious unless we are making fun of a certain guy. No, we aren't nice about it but it's not as obvious."
"How do you know?"
I look at each one of them. I try to play innocent. "Plead the fifth?"
Nick shakes his head. "Oh, no, THAT'S not gonna work this time. You seem to know more than you let on about us guys and how we talk to each other. Don't even say you have a bunch of guys friends back home, it seems you have had a taste of a normal guy's brain and thoughts. Spill."

I look at all three of them. I look at JC to help me out and he shakes his head no, wanting to know why I know what I know. I start playing with the grass. They're looking at me, waiting for an answer as to why I know how guys act and think. I sigh. "Alright, bombshell away. I'm bi."
Nick shakes his head quickly. "Whoa. Wait. Bi as in bisexual?" I nod and bite my lip.
Even though I have my eyes closed, I can tell Nick and Justin's mouths are open and JC is looking at me in total disbelief. I hear JC speak first. "Are you kidding me?" I shake my head. "This is definitely a first for me."
I open my right eye to see Nick blink and shake his head. "That explains that. Bi women can be fun. Most bisexual women I've met prefer guys because we can get rougher than most girls and create more intense orgasms. That's what one bi woman told me. What's your reason for liking guys more, Sam?"
"Depends on the guy."
"JC."
"20 year crush, personality, smile, eyes, patience and intelligence. Bonus is he is really good in the bedroom and knows how to rile me up."
Nick smiles. "Great sex is a bonus, as well as turning her on. What made you give it to him today?"
I cover my face cuz I feel Justin focusing on me. "Between our chemistry, hormones and our energies, the way he kisses and touches me."
"Hear that, JC? She has five reasons why you got some love. I got a question for you, man. You wrapped it up, right?"
JC laughs. "I'm not gonna say. It's only for her and I to know."

I didn't realize I was holding my breath. I let it out. JC wraps me in his arms. Nick looks me and JC in the eye. "I pray there's SOME method to keep her from getting pregnant."
"Yeah, of course."
"It's not you. Her smirk gave that away. So it's her. She's had three kids. Either she's on the pill, the patch, has an iud, a tube in her arm or her tubes are tied."
I look at Nick. "The pill didn't work, the patch didn't work, my body didn't agree with the iud and I would have a hell of a time getting pregnant. I get pregnant, I'd be risking my life. Go figure it out."
"I get what you mean. After three kids, I don't blame you. My mom had that option after Aaron and Ange."
"Now that it's settled. There will be times where I will have him wrap it anyway. The week before and the week after." Nick nods, understanding what I'm talking about.
JC thinks for a second. "Oh."
"I'll tell you when that is when the time comes down to it. Technically, it's gonna be three or four days before and up to five days after. None during it. We'll talk about this more in-depth later and in private."

I turn around to see him smiling and put my head against his chest. "That's fine by me." He holds me close, calm and comforting. I check the time on my cell and see it's 5:30. JC rubs the outside of my right thigh and side. "What's on your mind?"
"Today is just an oddball lucky day for me. Thanks for helping with that."
"I was just in the right place and at the right time."
I smile. "You also had Nick and Justin come over. I feel like I can trust you and tell you almost anything."
"That can be a good thing and a bad thing."
"So far?"
"It's a good thing."

I smile and look at him. He kisses me on the forehead. I pout and he smiles. I lean my head back for a kiss and he gives me one. I turn back around so I'm sitting facing Nick again. He shakes his head. "You two are just so sweet to each other. For just fooling around and being friends." I look at him. "And flirting." I smile and shrug.
JC scoots closer and holds me close. "So who cares?"
"If she's my cousin, I would."
"If I treat her right and she's happy?"
"I can't say much about it. Even if she's cheating on someone." I raise an eyebrow and look between Justin and Nick. Justin shakes his head, confused. I look at JC and he shakes his head. Nick watches me do this and their reactions. "What's up?"
I shake my head. "I asked them a question earlier." Justin shoots me a 'you did?' look and I shoot him a stfu look. He shrugs.
Nick caught on. "I said something you told one or both of them and you were seeing who said something to me. Wasn't Justin because he was confused and still is. JC knows but didn't tell anybody."
I look at him and smile. "Nah, I asked a question." I downplay it and keep my cool.
Nick nods. "You just coincidently looked at them for an answer after I said cheating." I look in his face, not even stressing it. I smirk. "You ARE cheating!!!"
I bust out laughing. "I..." With every word I'm about to say, I lean closer to Nick.
"Boyfriend?" He leans closer to me with each word as well.
"Plead..."
"Fiancee?"
"The..."
"Husband?"
"FIFTH!!!" I lean back on JC and smile.

Nick is confused. JC wraps his arm around me. He starts  to rub my thigh with his other hand. Nick's cell rings. He looks at the caller ID and answers. "Hey, Aaron. Yeah. Not right now. I should be home by maybe seven. JC's right now. I'll tell ya later. No, not now. Yeah, I'll call ya back when I get home. I love you too." He hangs up. "He's such a pain in the ass sometimes. You guys know how it is." He looks at Justin and JC. He looks at me. "What about you?"

"I know what it feels like to have annoying little siblings. I practically became my older cousin's oldest for about a decade cuz my mom was either working or out. I also know what it's like to be the little sibling cuz I'm the youngest of two from my mom and youngest of three from my dad's side. He has me and my two older half sisters. My mom has me and my older half brother. I'm in the dead center of my family, so I get the blame for everything they seem to bicker over. I walked away."

"You know both ends of it. What about not being told important things?"
"I was always the last to find out. The last time it happened, my grampa was on his deathbed and the last two to find out were me and my mom. My brother knew since that morning and we didn't know till after seven that night."
"Nice."
"That was the last nail in the frame and I decided to move here no matter what. If they're gonna keep me outta the loop, might as well know nothing about what's going on and have a valid reason why I can't make it."
"You got fed up with it?"
"Yup and now I only talk to a couple of my cousins and my mom a couple times a week."
"Cold."

"You can push someone away for so long before they walk away and stop caring. I grew up like that for 13 years. I walked away, packed clothes, got an apt out here, ordered all the furniture and had it delivered, got electric, phone, cable and Internet set up and turned on within 12 hours of getting here and now I'm working. All within three weeks of being here."
"How the hell did you afford that?"
"Taxes. Got a good chunk back. Bought plane tickets, first, last, security, and three months for a place, paid off comcast for phone, cable and Internet, bus passes and food for the next three months after a couch, dining set and four beds."
"How much?"
"Over ten g."
"What did everything cost?"

"Plane tickets ran a grand, the place ran seven g, the bus passes for three months were about a hundred bucks, comcast was $500. All the furniture was second hand and cost less than $400 all together. We get foodstamps because we had just moved out here and had no income. In two weeks I have to report income changes. The amount will drop. Probably not by much cuz I'm gonna try to go back to college." I shrug.
"Holy shit. All that and still have close to a grand or two left? And you're insane, trying to go to school on top of it all."

"We also saved for at least 7 months before the move to make sure we would have some extra money. About another grand there." He's shocked. I pull my iPod outta my back pocket and play 'Come Back In One Piece' and start jammin to it. I feel JC start boppin to it as he starts to say the words. I smile. Nick shakes his head. I shrug. "What? I said what I had to say. And you didn't say anything else."
"You're definitely ambitious."
"Thanks." I turn on my side, take my hair clip from my belt loop and put up my hair. I start to sing along with the song while looking at JC and smiling. I start skipping songs to find the Aaliyah song I want. I get to 'Try Again' and sing and jam to it.
Nick smiles and nods. "Fits the mood between you two, your personality and your situation."
I nod. Justin looks at me. "Does this go for me too?" I shake my head. "Damn!"
'Miss You Remix' plays and I sing with it. Nick just lets his body get into the beat and bobs with it. "I miss her."

"Her music helped me get through middle school. Part of high school. My freshman year is full of memories. My sophomore year I did a talent show and sang the song she recorded for 'Music Of The Heart' soundtrack, 'Turn The Page'. I was called the 'white Aaliyah' for the next two and a half school years, stopped being taunted, and got some respect from my friends and kids that used to bully me. It's a hidden thing."
"Wow. I see why you hid it. You're good and are shy about sharing it. You use music as a healing tool. It's something sacred to you."
"Music is like air to me." I start singing along with 'Journey To The Past' and continue with 'Don't Know What To Tell Ya'. I close my eyes as I sing.
"Well it's almost half past six and I gotta get home. Aaron wants to hang out and catch up. I'll see you around two everyday, starting tomorrow. Day after, I won't be here for that cuz it's Wednesday. Then two days of training, a day off. Review day and then test days are Mondays. Always be ready."

We all get up and brush ourselves off. Nick and Justin hug me and JC before they take off. JC looks at me and shakes his head. "Smoother than I thought it would go."
"What do you mean, Josh?"
He turns to face me and hugs me. "Justin and his reaction to being shot down. I thought he was gonna flip out."
"Instead he threw me in the pool."
He smiles. "You did it to him after and pinned him for disrespecting you." I shrug and smile. "You got Nick thinking and he has a big chunk to break down."
"I'm good at that."
He laughs. "C'mon. We gotta get you home. I don't wanna bring you home, but the warden has to work and you have lil ones that need their mom."
I sigh. "Damn the warden to hell."
He smiles. "I feel the same way."
"I can get my own place and take care of the kids on my own with the pay from working, thank you for that." I smile and give him a kiss.
"You're very welcome. I would love to see you do that. When you're ready."
"I'd love you to have dinner with me and the kids in two weeks, even if the warden is with us."
He nods. "Deal, babe."
"No attachment yet."
He smiles. "I'll try, beautiful."
"That's better." He gives me a kiss and we head inside to get my jeans and his keys. My jeans are still soaked. "Josh, they're still soaked."
"Leave em then."
I hang them over the shower rod and head downstairs. "Warden will say that I slept with someone and grabbed their pants."
"Tell him what happened. Your shirt is still damp. Your hair and shirt still smell like chlorine." We leave and get in his car.

I shrug. "Meh. He can screw a knot in a tree."
He smiles as he pulls outta his driveway. "And meanwhile I get to screw you." He gives me a kiss before he turns onto the road from the bottom of his driveway.
We drive to my street and I point out my place from two buildings down. "I'm on the second floor."
He gives me a kiss and nods. "Call me when he leaves for work."
"I'll call you when he's supposed to be clocked in to make sure he's there."
"See you in a little bit, beautiful." We kiss for a few seconds.

I head to my place, turn my iPod on, put in my earphones, check the time and smirk. It's quarter past seven. I think of alibis and the best one I can think of is traffic sucked. I get to the main door. I take a deep breath, unlock the door, and go into my apt. I pull the earbuds out and the kids pin me to the door with hugs. "It's after seven."
"Traffic sucked. You go from the Hills to here when people who work overtime are just getting out in 45 minutes. It's LA, Joe."
"They ate chicken, stuffing, corn and rice. Mikal and Aaliyah took their showers. Demitryus wanted you to give him a shower."
I nod. "Go get your jammas, Lil Man." He runs off to get his jammas, fuzzy and a towel. He puts his fuzzy on the opposite end of the couch from Joe.
"Why aren't you wearing the jeans you left in this morning?"
"I jumped in the pool with my clothes on."
"The client's?"
"Yeah. I reek of chlorine." I take my shoes off and leave them by the door. I go by Joe to prove my point.
He makes a face. "I see what you mean."

I head into the bathroom and give Demitryus a shower. I get him washed up, smelling 'yummy' as we call it, get him outta the shower, dried off and in his jammas just in time for the last half hour of tv time. I put it on a little kids' cartoon. Mikal starts reading his book. He's reading one of the 'Goosebumps' books. I shake my head. Joe jumps in the shower and I text JC from my iPod. We have a wireless router. I send him 'Windin kids down. Warden getting ready for work. He should be gone by ten. Kids in bed and sleeping by nine or nine thirty. Gonna get chores here done'. I turn my iPod down, pull up my playlists and play the 'Boybands' list. I put one earbud in and start the laundry and do the dishes. I get the dishes done as Joe comes outta the shower. He tries to get some. "No. I clean for work and have to clean when I get home too. Least you could do is clean as you go. The kids put their dishes in the sink. Yours is on the table. Mikal probably wiped down the table. Aaliyah most likely set their bags up. Demitryus is in the habit of setting up their coats and shoes." I look for all these things and see that I'm right.

He just scoffs about it. "You didn't exactly leave me a list of things to do."
"It's common sense. Washer was full, add the soap and turn it on. Dishes in the sink, wash em. Table's dirty, wash it. Left overs after you cooked, put em away. I got back home about half an hour ago and I've already done the dishes in the sink and started the laundry. Next is the table and putting the food away. I don't mind working but I refuse to do all the chores when I get home too. You need to put in your share too. I'll be working close to sixty hours a week. I don't wanna hear shit about you being tired after forty."
"I make nine fifty an hour."
"I make almost the same. Keep up with the pissing contest."
"My job will last longer."
"I'm more appreciated at work than you."
"What do you do?"
"Clean a celebrity's house, top to bottom."
"Who's?"
"Confidentiality agreement with the temp place says I can't tell you or I get fired."
"That's bullshit."
"It's LA for you and you do what you gotta when it comes down to a job and celebrities' safety."
He storms away cuz I won't tell him anything. JC had texted be back three times. First text says 'Ok, that works, beautiful'. Second one says 'What are you doing right now?' The third one says 'I miss you already'. I answer all three at the same time. 'Glad to know it works. I'm cleaning my place and I miss you too. You prob can't wait to find out what this means ----->Je veux t'enculer. =?] & ;?P'.

Within a minute, he answers. 'Now you have my full attention. Looks like French. Can I look it up?'
I smile. 'No, I wanna show you what it means. ;?)'
'Oh, is it dirty?'
'Natural and beautiful. You'll like it.'
'Hmmmm. You just keep my attention. I love how you do that'
'I'm good at it when it comes to you'
'You're good at a lot when it comes to me'
I smile to myself, deciding how to answer that. 'Talk to CK (Chris) yet? Viens m'enculer ce soir, Josh. In my bed *looks around for witnesses and plays innocent*'
'Talking to him on the house phone and texting you. I know ce soir means tonight in French. You have something in mind for me tonight or is it something you want?'
'A bit of both'
'Going to make me wonder till it happens?'
'Believe it. Mystery makes you wanna keep coming back, doesn't it?'
'Good mysteries do that. You're an addicting mystery. I can never get enough. You say and do just enough to make me want more of you and then a mystery about you crosses my mind.'
'So I'm a good mystery?'
'A very good one'

I smile and check the time. It's 8:05. "Bedtime, guys." Aaliyah and Mikal head to bed as I lock my iPod and put it in my back pocket. I carry a sleeping Demitryus to his room, put him in his bed and tuck him in. I kiss his cheek and tell him I love him. I tuck Mikal and Aaliyah in, kiss their cheeks and tell them I love them.
I leave Aaliyah's room and continue to clean, picking up the living room. I put in my other ear bud and answer JC's last text. 'Thanks. =?) Kids in bed. Cleaning up.'
'Beautiful mystery covers you entirely.'
'Awww thanks. You're so sweet!'
'Part of the deal. I know you for you and I let you know me for me'
'True. It's only fair. Just an hour and a half.'
'Going to make it? Lol'
'I wanna just speed time up and get to the good parts so I can slow mo them. Lol'
'Me too. I  love holding you and kissing you.'
'What about the rest?'
'I truly love talking with you. The sex is a great bonus and is unbelievable and I like it very much.'
'So if I just wanted to be held?'
'I would respect that'
'Hunh. That's how I am around that time'
'When is that?'
'Between the 23rd & 6th of each month.'
'During your cycle right?'
'Yeah. Starts on the last day of the month and usually ends around the sixth'
'The week or so before?'
'I will have days where I wanna be held and days where I want it and then to cuddle and days where I wanna make love and just hang out'
'So most days you will want me near you'
'There will be a few days when I just wanna hang out'

'That's ok with me'
'Thanks again. You're such a good friend and so sweet to me.'
'I like you enough to care the way I do. I hate when Chris busts my balls.'
'Lol. What's he bustin ya balls abt?'
'You'
'Oh. Sorry to hear that. Maybe he's jealous? Lol'
'Doubt it. He's like the older brother who taunts the rest of us when we like someone. He just picks on us.'
'He should have the big brother role down pat, considering that he has little sisters.'
'He does and it does get annoying after awhile.'
'Lol. I know the feeling. My cousins on my mom's side are like my older bros'
'So you know the feeling. How many?'
'Three, plus my half bro'
'I'm just glad Lance doesn't pick on me about this kind of thing'
'He's the one that sits there and helps ya figure these kinda things out?'
'Yes! He's awesome at it and he's supportive about things like this'
'That is so sweet. Could you have him text me? I have to tell someone what's on my mind'
'You can tell me'
'It would confuse you'
'Ok. Hold tight. Tell me someday, soon?'
'When the time is right, I will. Don't worry too much. It's a good thing I'm not ready to tell you yet'
'He's going to text you soon. Gave him this number, not your cell. iPod info?'
I text him the iPod info. 'Thanks =?D'
'You're welcome, my beautiful mystery'
I get a text from a number I don't recognize right away. 'It's Lance. What's on your mind, Sam?'
I read it and smile. 'Hi James. Can you do me a favor and keep what I say about Josh (JC) between us till I say otherwise?'

I get a text from a number I don't recognize right away. 'It's Lance. What's on your mind, Sam?'
I read it and smile. 'Hi James. Can you do me a favor and keep what I say about Josh (JC) between us till I say otherwise?'
'Of course. He said it was something good.'
'I really like him more than he thinks'
'How much?'
'I've had a crush on him for 20 years and well, we made love. It felt right. I think I'd give him the chance if the circumstances were right. I love being a friend to him and the sex is great, but y'know'
'I know what you mean. So if you were single, you would be with him?'
'Who said I wasn't?'
'He told me. I don't blame you. I heard about the attitude the guy you're with has towards you. He only told me. I can keep secrets.'
'Ok. Well the warden has no respect. I got home and my place was trashed. Here are the pics.' I send the pics to Lance.
'Wtf?!?!! I already don't like him and I haven't even heard this guy's voice. Leave. Take the kids. That's bullshit.'
I take pics of what I've done since being home and send him those. 'That is the plan. Need income and my own place first. See what I got done in an hour and the kids are in bed.'
'When does he leave?'
'He leaves in about 45 minutes for work and Josh is coming over'
'Show him the pix you sent me'
'I planned on doing that. Back to the better subject-Josh. I really wish I could get involved with him but not right away'
'He said something about fooling around with you and being friends'
'Yeah, that's the plan right now'
'Let me see if I have the story straight. You're married with three kids, unhappy with your husband, got lost looking for JC's neighbor's house, he helped you out by giving you the job of cleaning his already clean house, you hung out with him all day, spent part of it with Justin and Nick C., slept with JC, have had a crush on him for 20 years, and think you like him more than you thought you could. Is that right?'
'Who told you about the whole job thing? Probably JC.'
'Yes. Is it all the right info?'
'Yeah. But I don't wanna scare him away by telling him this'
'Why do you like him?'
'Personality, smile, intelligence, patience, and his eyes. Him being OMG good in bed is a major bonus and I really enjoy his company. He just seems to calm me right down and makes me feel good'
'He has that effect on almost everyone'
'I am usually very spastic and off the wall hyper'
'He calms you down?'
'Yeah. Like laid back chillin calm'
'You didn't freak out or anything when you met him, considering you walked up to him?'
'No, I asked him for directions and started talking to him when he said he'd give me a ride and we just clicked, I think'
'Wow. Good head on your shoulders. He told me how you view us and I have to admit you are one of the more realistic fans I've ever talked to. It makes me appreciate you and want to count you as a good friend'
'Aww thanks. I view you guys like that cuz it's the truth. You busted your butts to get what you have and still work to keep it. You may have invested it or put some in a savings acct. Either way you still make money'
'I see why he likes you the way he does. You're intelligent, confident, realistic, understanding, and I hear you can practically defend yourself. You also don't expect anything but his time and to talk to him.'
'Yeah, that's about it. Now they have NC teaching me to spar and how to use it in self defense'
'So I heard. You shocked NC with some news and skills. He told me himself on his drive home'
'Yeah, it's the truth'
'Well I'm going to let you get the cleaning done, seeing as there's only about half an hour before JC will be over'
'Warden leaves in half. Josh won't be here till ten thirtyish. Travel time.'
'Oh yeah, that's true. How's the cleaning going?'
'Sweeping, then mopping the floors. Already did dishes, waiting on washer. Oh! Washer just finished. Throwing them in dryer. Wash table and put dishes away. Picked everything up already. Put the food in fridge 45 minutes ago'
'Just sweeping, mopping, drying clothes, wash your table, putting dishes away and you're going to be done in less than an hour?'
I get a text from JC. 'Hey beautiful. How goes everything?'
'All that's left to do is dry clothes, sweep & mop floors, put dishes away, wash my table while I wait for the dryer to finish. Can you be here for ten thirtyish?'
'Definitely. I was wondering what time to head over'
'Now you know. Can't wait to see you'
'Cant wait to hold you close'
Lance texts me. 'About to call and talk to JC.'
'Promise you won't tell him how I feel, please, James?'
'I promise, cross my heart'
'Talk tomorrow?'
'Maybe. Depends on how crazy the day gets'
'Thanks, James'
'For what?'
'Being a friend and listening. Talking to me'
'Anytime, Sam. You're in the tight knit circle. One of us accepts you, we all do until you do us wrong'
'Then I get dropped like a nuclear potato'
'Wtf? You def have NC & AC's weird sense of humor. You would be pretty much nixed in our books. I don't see that happening though. You've been honest with JC and I about everything'
'I plan keeping it that way. I wanna be honest with you two entirely.'
'When do you plan on telling him how you feel?'
'When the time is right. Idk when right now but there's always a right time and place for everything. I'll know when it happens'
'JC has the same idea.'
'What do you mean?'
'He told me how he feels about you and asked if I could keep from telling you because he wants to tell you when it's the time and place for it'
'Awww. I respect that.'
'You don't want to know?'
'Only if it's good or bad'
'It's very good'
'I can wait then'
'You're respectful'
'I try to be'
'And patient'
'I will text you tomorrow after I make his house sparkle'
'Lol. You'll be the one that spoils him in the ways he needs'
'And wants'
'Alright, talk to you tomorrow. I won't say anything if you keep him happy'
'That will be the easy part. Not telling him how I feel, not so easy'
'Lol. Not giving in to him isn't easy for you either, from what he says'
'True. Keeps me from spilling the emotions, but I express it during it and when we kiss'
'Haha wow. Way to cover it up, girl'
'I know right? Ttyt'
'Tomorrow, suuuuuurrrrreeeee. Lol'
I finish cleaning as Joe leaves for work around 9:45, which gives me enough time to shower and get a clean set of clothes on. I decide to pick my thin teal hoodie and some pj pants. I shower, get dressed, semi dry my hair with a towel and let it air dry while I fold the load of clothes from the dryer. Josh calls as he pulls on my street. "Hey beautiful mystery."
"Hey. Lemme know when you're coming to the door."
"Just pulled onto your street. Be there in two minutes."
"See ya soon then." We hang up. I call my phone from my iPod and leave my cell on the tv stand by Aaliyah's bedroom door. I place it just right so I can hear both rooms. I head downstairs to let JC in. He pulls up as I get to the door. I open it and give him a hug when he gets in.
"Which way?"
"This way." I lead the way to the apt and go in. I grab his hand and pull him inside.
"Nice. I like how clean this is and the set up of it." I hang up my iPod, which hangs up my cell phone.
"Thanks. I spent just over two hours cleaning it. Dishes and all. I finished folding the load of laundry just after you called."
"Lance said something about pictures of it when you got home."
"Yeah. It was bad." I pull out my iPod and show him. "This is what I come home to when I work or job hunt."
JC gets an annoyed look on his face. "You don't deserve that." He shakes his head. "We need to get you and the kids out of this as fast as we can. After the deductions, how much will your checks be? Just ball park it."
I think out loud. "It'll be around $630 before deductions, after they take it all out I'll take home around $475-$500 a week. Why?"
"Would you be ok with putting some of it away?"
"Sure. I told warden that I get about nine fifty an hour. And up to sixty hours."
He nods. "How much do you have left from what you saved before your move?"
"Almost $2500."
"Does he know that?"
"He only knows about a grand of it. I only know the password and screen name to check the acct. I have the debit card. There aren't any locations for our bank close enough for him to walk to."
"Ok. Tomorrow, I want you to pull the $1500 out of the acct with him and put into a savings acct with our names on it, at my bank. It can be done so that both our signatures are needed to get the money. It'll be a high interest savings acct. We can attach a checking acct to it so that you can get your check deposited every week. Please, do this for your kids. I'm not trying to play hero, but they don't deserve this. They deserve better. How long will it take to save up and get everything you need in your name?"
"Three bedroom apt is about $850 a month, my comcast switched will be about $200, I can take his cell off my plan, and electric will probably be the easiest cuz it's in his name here. Apts that cost that much a month will cost about $2700, add the comcast will make it $2900, and just to be safe add another $500 to cover emergency or unknown expenses for the move. That's about $3500 for it all. I have $1500 right now. I can save about $200 a week and say I was only given forty hours for the first three months due to the company policy. Two grand would take me two and a half months to save. Get the place, somehow hide it and slowly move out, little by little and when he's at work. When I come to get the big stuff, that will be the end of it."
"So, three months?"
"Closer to six, to be safe."
"What about divorcing him?"
"I can have him served when I grab the beds and whatever else we will need. I don't know if I can follow through with this."
He holds me close to him. "I'm gonna help you do this for these kids." I start shaking. "Why are shaking?"
"Last time I said I wanted a divorce, he got pissed off and screamed."
"Don't say anything, just do it. Make it final. Don't talk to him about it."
I nod. "How are you gonna help us?"
"I'm gonna help you save the money, move from here to the new place, and by protecting you."
"You sure?"
He nods and hugs me tighter. "I'm more than sure."
We stand there and hug for awhile. "I've added your iPod to my plan. It'll be activated tomorrow by noon. I'm covering that." I nod, kinda numb to what just happened and what was said. My cell phone rings. He picks it up and looks at it. "Tigger?"
"My best friend back home."
"Hello, Tigger."
"You're not Sam."
"You must be her best friend back home."
"Where's Sam? Do not play with me, I have LAPD on speed dial."
"Relax, she's okay. She's just in shock."
"Put me on speaker or put her on."
He slides open my cell. "You're on speaker."
"Sam, you ok?"
I shake my head to clear it. "Yeah. I'm fine, Dawn. That's Josh. He's my friend."
"How do you know him?"
"How does everyone know him?"
"Josh as in JC CHASEZ?"
"Um, Josh, isn't that what everyone calls you?"
He looks like he's thinking. He smiles. "I don't know. Wasn't I on the Mickey Mouse Club in the early nineties before it was cancelled?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"And in *NSYNC?"
"Um, hmmm, I'm pretty sure. Lance, Justin, Joey, Chris, and JC. Yup, best for last."
He laughs. She's getting irritated. "Hahaha, smart asses. How ya been, asshole? How ya doin, girl?"
JC kisses me. "Mmmmm... Oh, he's goo-ooood, mmmmmm, yum. Me? Oh, I'm ok." I smile.
"What? Did you- You didn't!"
"Ooooohhhh, yes, I fuckin did and he liked it. He may have even loved it."
"When the fuck? Who's fucking? Damn, girl!"
"Before we talked just before two. His place. He said that I definitely know what I'm doing." I laugh.
"Is he really?"
"Ooooooohhhhh, girl!!!! Mmmmmm-mmmmmmmm-mmmmmmmmm!!!!!"
"Treat ya good?"
"Wants me for more than just tail."
"Talks to you? Respects you? Enjoys your actual company? Wants to hold you? Has intelligent conversation with you? Wants to be in public with you?"
"Yes, to everything. Is even willing to work out with me. He babies me."
"Thank goodness, a real grown man!!!!!!!!!" I laugh. "Leave the boy and get with the MAN, girl!!!!"
"Soon enough. You're the third person to say it. The second one said he's gonna help us."
"Is the second who answered YOUR cell?"
I laugh. "That'd be him." I look at JC and smile. He kisses me.
"Girl, do this for your babies. Fuck yourself, the babies. JC, thank you for helping her leave the child. Keep the bitch on track!"
I'm shocked and JC laughs between what she directed at him and my face. "I will. Trust me, she's gonna be taken care of by a friend or twenty." He laughs. "She's taken care of very well. She only needs to ask."
"What about school?" I have a lot on my mind.
"Don't worry about that right now. The kids first, then we will worry about that. I plan on helping you out as much as I can."
"Girl, you can do this. Think of the kids." Dawn speaks her mind.
"I am. It's why I'm doing it and agreeing on what JC said before you called and will be doing it tomorrow. Well, starting it tomorrow."
"You planned, put it in action and execute it. Make her do it, JC."
He smiles at me. "I will. She has to do this. She would be so much happier with a real man who knows he can treat her so much better emotionally and provide better for the kids."
"A man who can make her want to be with him, texting or talking to him all the time."
"I can think of one. And he's hoping that she feels something for him."
"Do you know him,JC?" Dawn's interest has been peaked.
"Quite well. He isn't sure of when to tell her."
I take my cell and close it so JC only hears part of the convo. "Girl, he's got me like Rob had you feeling in the beginning."
"You think you might love him?!?!"
"Mmmmm-hhhmmmmmmnnn."
"Treats you good and has been ya dream man since like forever and a day ago! He's just a friend or is there some extras?"
"Extras."
"You said he was gooooo-oooooodddd. You mean that way or still hot looking to you?"
"Both!!!"
"Damn, ride it often."
"You dirty minded."
"Yup. So how long till you leave?"
"Six months before I'm fully out from under his thumb and on my own with the kids."
"Other than help from him."
"Yeah. He's such a good guy."
"He's no guy, he is A MAN!!!!!"
"Well, I'm gonna let you go so I can talk to him."
"Ok. Keep him, keep him, oh and yeah KEEP HIM!!! Love and miss you, Sam. Kiss the kids for me."
"We miss and love you too. Will do."
We hang up and JC pulls me to him by my hips. "So now she knows. She won't tell warden?"
"She don't talk to him."
"You trust her."
"She's like my lil sister."
"Oh. So she's the one I call if I need advice on you?"
"If we ever date, she would be the one calling you about me. And the other way around."
He nods, wraps me in his arms, looks in my eyes, smiles and slowly but passionately kisses me. He pulls away and I accidentally press play on my iPod and it plays Taylor Swift's 'Mine' cuz I left it on the songs list. I blush and reach for it. He grabs my hands and smiles. It plays the chorus. "I like this song. 'fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter' and made her a rebel. Hope one day I can make a certain woman feel like that." I blush and look away from him. "I know you are guarded, but you'll tell him who he is and what you feel. Lance knows and it's not him."
I look at JC. "Not Lance. But he does know who I like and would be more than happy to call mine very well. Guess you could say he pretty much grew up with him. All during the craziest but best years of their lives."
JC smiles and kisses me. "I can think of a couple people."
I sigh and smile. "I wish I wasn't so chicken shit about this." I put my head on JC's chest, looking down.
He holds me close. "I'm scared out of my mind to tell her how I feel about her."
I shake my head. "I can't deal with these emotions right now."
"But we have to at some point and tell the other person how we feel."
"I just can't cuz I think it's way too soon."
He kisses me, pulling me close. Taylor's 'You Belong With Me' plays as we stop kissing. I smile and put my head on his chest. "Let's sit down." He pulls me toward my couch. We sit next to each other, snuggled together. I glance at him and straddle him. He tries to steal a kiss and I move. I look into his eyes as he holds my chin and I look down, closing my eyes. He puts his hand on the side of my face gently and makes me look at him. He gives me a passionate kiss, pulling me close and keeping his hand still. Demitryus whimpers and says no in his sleep. I signal for JC to wait and I check on Demitryus. He's still fast asleep. I sit back on JC's lap and give him a kiss. He puts his hand on my face like before while I kiss him. As I pull away, he pulls me back with his hand and kisses me passionately. He has his other hand on my hip. He leans forward causing me to lean back. He turns sideways on the couch as we do this, laying me on the couch with him between my legs. He keeps kissing me as he puts my hands above my head, interlocks his fingers with mine, pins them and starts to grind me. I start doing body waves subconsciously. He puts my hands one on top of the other so he can hold my hip and feel the body waves I'm doing. He gives me small kisses as he stops and sits back. He shakes his head. "I would never forgive myself if you wanted none of this right now."
"Viens m'enculer." I grab his shirt and pull him close to me and kiss him with enough passion to convince him I want him just as bad as he wants me. Not to mention, to cover up my emotions. We kiss and he starts to grind me as I start to do body waves again. I sit up as I kiss him, pushing him so he sits against the back of the couch. He has one hand on my face and one on my hip. I straddle him again. I get up and pull him to my bedroom and have him sit on the bed. I straddle him again and kiss him. He starts to strip me and I unbutton his jeans. In one swift motion he picks me up, gets up, turns around, pulls my pj pants and underwear off cuz I try to move away as he lays me on the bed and kicks his shoes off as we kiss. He starts grinding me and in response, I do body waves. He moves one hand to the side of my face to hold it and the other to my hip to feel my body waves. He strips his jeans off and we start making love. I roll and push him so I'm on top. He lets me do that for awhile before sitting up and kisses me again. I'm on top, facing him as we kiss and he's sitting up, holding me as close as he possibly can. I get close and I moan. He holds tight to me as we both get off. We can't stop kissing or seem to let go of each other. His cell has been ringing for awhile. I lay on my back and lean my head back to check the clock on my nightstand. It's only one thirty in the morning. I know we started kissing around eleven and came in here soon after. Maybe two hours, maybe a little more. His cell rings again and he jumps for it, even though it's turned down low, not wanting to wake the kids. He lays back down to cuddle me as he answers it. "It had better be important. No, it's one in the morning, man. I'm spending time with someone right now. I wish but not quite. I'm about to have some one on one time with her." He sits up, laughing and I roll onto my side. "Yeah and I don't care how long we've known each other, bro. Nah, she's patient but I promised her one on one time. If I was going to be up all night talking to you, I would've stayed home. Bro, just trust me, I wish it was like that. She's all I want... Heh, something like that. Yeah, I do. It's not the right time, but when it is she will know. I just hope she feels something for me too. Sure, I'll call you tomorrow. Or later today. Probably around eight in the morning. Yeah, bye." He hangs up and cuddles me. "I'm sorry about that. That was one of my childhood friends. Been awhile since we spoke."
I turn over as he lays on his back again. "Friends matter and we both have friends besides each other."
"Just hypothetically, if you were single, would you consider being my woman?"
I put my head on his chest. "There would be a possibility but I can't answer that, even hypothetically, very honestly right now. My head isn't clear."
"You did." He kisses me again and puts his arm around me. He interlocks his fingers with mine, using his other hand. "I love talking to you. I love cuddling you. I love holding you. I love being close like this. I love when we kiss." I'm almost asleep. "Sam, do you feel something for me?"
"Mmmmm-hmmmm." I snuggle him.
"Did you fall asleep on me?"
"Mmmmmm."
"I wish I could just open up and tell you how I feel about you."

The alarm on my cell goes off at 4:30 in the morning.
I yawn, wipe my eyes and look up to see who I had fallen asleep cuddling. I remember hearing JC say something about telling me how he feels about me and opening up. I shake my head.
He wakes up right after I shake my head. "Morning."
"Mmmm. Morning. You said something about how you wish you could tell me how you feel about me and opening up?"

I sit up with just my hoodie on. I sit on my legs and look at him. He smiles. "I thought you were asleep."
"Not enough to where I wouldn't have heard that. But it's probably not the right time."
"Not yet."
"Let's get in the shower."
"You go first. I'll take mine after you get out, in case one of the kids wake up."
"Ok? You mad?"
He shakes his head, rolls on his side, and puts his head on my legs, he lays on his back so he can see my face. "Why would I be mad? I just woke up next to my beautiful mystery."

"Oh." I run my fingers through his hair and he looks at me. I smile at him and he sits up. We share a quick kiss. He smiles at me. I get up, grab my clothes, and go take my shower. I get out, get dressed, and dry my hair with a towel. I go in the living room to see JC sitting on my couch, half asleep and facing the bathroom. "Ray of sunshine, aren't ya?" I'm still tired too.
"How can you just jump outta bed in the morning?"
"It's either jump outta bed early or not have time to get the kids and their things ready for school everyday and make sure they get to school."
"Even though you're still tired?"

"I don't see the warden here to do it. He won't be here till it's ten minutes before their bus comes. It's a five minute walk away but we take our time and talk. Takes fifteen minutes to get there. There's also three of em. Kindergarten, second and fourth grades. Demitryus isn't used to all the hills, Aaliyah and Mikal are still getting used to the routine and new school." I give him a kiss. "You should hop in the shower, Josh. I wake Demitryus up in half an hour. He has to shower, get dressed, I check over all their homework, and organize their bags. C'mon, move ya butt."
He sticks his tongue out at me. I throw the towel I was drying my hair with at him. "I'm moving." He gives me a kiss as he passes me. I hear the shower start.
My cell rings. It's Dawn. "Hey, girl."
"You're crooning."
"Last night was a good night after we hung up."
"With JC?"
"Mmmmmmmaaaaayyyybbbbeeeeeeee."
"Yeah. So are you actually walking away with the kids?"
"With help and the support I have now, I can."
"Will you?"
"Josh is right, this isn't fair to the kids."
"Stick to it."
"I know. Why are you up at seven in the morning?"
"It's eight. Couldn't sleep anymore."
I look at the microwave clock. 5:15. "Ok smarty pants."

"Cool kid."
"Noodle noggin."
"Booger butt."
"Killer Cujo."
"Damnit! You always get me with that one."
"I've had more time and practice to do that. So how'd you sleep last night?"
"As good as usual. Called you at eight, cuddled Rob just after and fell asleep by nine, nine thirty. What about you?"
"We talked, made out and did our thing. A childhood friend of his kept calling his cell the whole time. A few minutes after we finished, they called again, while we were cuddling. He answered by the fifth ring. After I let him move, he bolted to answer it so it wouldn't wake up the kids."
"Awww, that's sweet of him."
"Yeah, it was turned down low. And when he hung up and we cuddled again, I was falling asleep on him and he said something about telling me how he feels about me and opening up."
"Girl, stay focused."
I walk into my room and close the door. "Lil D, I think I might love him. For real. He's like the Mac to my cheese."
"Peanut butter to your fluff." She giggles.

I smile. "It's like he's what I need and want, but just outta my reach. He's what I need in a MAN. He's always easy to reach and answers ASAP. He is supportive and is willing to back me up. I don't know when to tell him or how."
"Sam, you'll know when the time is right. You're good at this kinda thing. Have you told anyone else?"
"James."
"Your brother?"
"No, as in Lance."
"Oh. Did he tell him or is it like a secret?"
"Secret. He also knows how Josh feels about me. He said that it's a good thing, so I'm gonna wait for Josh to tell me when he's ready."
"You sure he won't? They've known each other almost forever."

"True, but I wanna see if I can trust James. Josh was still clueless when he got here last night. The two of em talked after I texted back and forth with them both. Josh told him how he feels about me, James didn't tell me anything except that it's a good thing."
"Well, ride it out and see where it goes."
"Speaking of riding."
"You didn't! Was it good? He like it?"
"He wanted to cuddle right after and kissed me almost the whole time and had both hands on me. One holding the side of my face gently and one holding my hip."
"He held you close?"
"The WHOLE time!"
She giggles. "You just can't stop talking about how GOOD he is. To you, with you. Hope he really likes you the same way you like him."
"You ain't the only one. James is the only one who knows the answer to that right now." I sigh. "What time is it love?"
"It's eight forty here."
"I gotta let you go. Gotta get Lil Man up and Josh out the door. Probably have him meet me at the kids' stop or around the corner from there to start this off right."
"Call me later or text me any time."
"Will do. Love and miss ya."
"Love and miss the four of you. Hope to hear good news soon."
"Ok. Bye."
"Bye."

I hang up, lean against my bedroom door for a minute or two and then start my day. Josh is already pulling his shirt on in the living room. I think of the night before right away and smile. "You're still smiling. I enjoyed every second of yesterday with you. Texting you and the whole time we spent together."
"Me too. Would you mind meeting me near the bus stop or something?"
He looks at the bus stop info on the table by the couch for a second. "I know where that is and I will be there about five minutes after the bus. Need to fill the tank."
"Ok. Thanks for last night. We'll plan today out more when we meet up." We kiss.
He nods and smiles. "Ok. I'm proud of you for doing this." I nod and take a deep breath as he heads for the door. "I'll see you in a little bit." I walk over to the door and he gives me a kiss as he leaves.

I lean on the door and text Dawn and James. 'If he's not the one, I'm done trying to find the one for me'. It's quarter till six, I get Demitryus up and grab his clothes. I help him wash up, grab something to hold him over till he gets to school, and sit him at the table to eat his oatmeal while I get Aaliyah in the shower. She washes up, gets dressed and has oatmeal as well. I check the time. 6:27, got an hour and a half before they have to be at their bus stop. Still have to do a homework check and get Mikal up and ready. I shake Mikal awake. "Mikal, get up." He rolls over and goes back to sleep. I pick him up and carry him into the bathroom. He fights me. I get in the bathroom and kick the door shut. I strip him, start the shower and put him in the water.

"Ma, ahhhh! Stop I'm awake."
"Wash up. You have twenty minutes. I am setting the timer and the door will stay open. Clothes are on the shelf. Move ya butt, now." He starts washing up and pulls the shower curtain shut. I walk out and set the timer by the tv. I set it for fifteen minutes. "Homework check." Demitryus and Aaliyah grab the bookbags and lay out all their homework. I check their work, youngest to oldest. Demitryus' homework is good. Aaliyah's is next, I find three math problems with wrong answers. "Aaliyah, come here baby." She comes over and I help her find the right answers. As I finish this with her, I make Mikal's oatmeal. "Demitryus, check how much time is left."
He looks at the timer. "It's on five."
"Five minutes. Thanks, Chubbs." I look over Mikal's homework. It's fine. "Put the homework away please. Thank you." They put it away. I walk over to the timer. He has less than a minute. "One minute or less." He's getting dressed already. He has his underwear, pants, socks, and his shirt on. I turn the timer off and he gets his shoes on. He sits down and eats his oatmeal. They all want seconds. I let them have it, just in case the bus is late. They finish eating around 7:20. Twenty minutes before we leave. I set the timer. "We have 15 minutes before we have to leave." I turn the timer to the wall. They sit down and color, read a book or work on personal projects (legos or puzzles). I do the morning dishes and get my waters and juices ready to go. I clean the table and make Mikal's bed. "Last five minutes. Get your clothes in the washer." They do as I ask and I get my clothes from yesterday and last night and put them in the washer with the exception of my sweater. I put that in my bag. I pack my waters and an extra couple sets of clothes. I put my bedding in the washer, put in the softener and detergent and start it. I write a quick note for the warden. 'Started washer. When it's done, put clothes in dryer. I will fold and put away all clothes, towels and bedding when I get home. Do dinner dishes and try to keep house as is.' I take pictures as we get ready to go. The timer goes off. I press the button to make it stop and we head out. I check if I have my iPod, cell, wallet, keys, bag and headphones. I do and it's all in the right pockets. We leave and I lock the door. We head to the bus stop. We talk about happiness and what we would make each of us happy. "What would you say is happiness and what makes you happy?"

Aaliyah has the first say. "Happiness is friends, family and no fighting. If daddy would help you more, pay attention to all of us and cared more. Or you left daddy and had a boyfriend that would treat us all better."
I nod. "Ok. Mikal?"
"More books. If dad would stop playing video games or you got a boyfriend who spends time with us as a family."
"Fair. Chubbs?"
"If daddy wasn't such a butthead to you or you had a boyfriend that treats you better than daddy. For us to be a happy family, even if you have to leave daddy."
"You guys don't seem to like your dad very much lately."
Mikal and Aaliyah roll their eyes. Mikal sighs. "Ma, no matter what you do for us, dad doesn't appreciate you enough. He doesn't care. We need someone who does. Someone who loves us for us. It's obviously not dad. I'm heading into fifth grade, Aaliyah will be going into third and Chubbs is gonna be in the first grade this fall. Dad still thinks I'm in frickin third grade!" The other two nod in agreement.
"Ok. I understand. Is that why you're ok with the idea of me not being with your dad and seeing someone else?" They all say yes. We get to the bus stop. We get there as the bus pulls up. "Be good at school. Your dad will be picking you up from the bus stop. I will be home around six or seven. Help him clean up tonight. You guys did awesome last night. Thanks."

They give me hugs and get on the bus. JC calls my cell. "Hey."
"How's the morning going, my beautiful mystery?"
"Off without a problem."
"Be at that stop in a minute." I hear the smile in his voice.
I bite my lip. "Mmmm-hmmmm." I see him pull up. I hang up my cell. I get in and as we drive to the bank, I tell him what the kids said.
He looks at me. "Really?"
"Yeah, those words put the final nail in this coffin with warden."
"I hope so." We pull up to the bank and he gives me a kiss. "I'll wait here and call my friend back, your money and you need privacy."
"Ok. I'm gonna see if I can pull two grand and leave five hundred. If I can, I will." He nods and I head in. I talk to the branch manager and get the two grand.
I come out of the bank and nod at JC, holding up two fingers. I hear him talking to his friend. "I know. Man, I just hope everything is that easy and simple. She is. She does. Beautiful, intelligent, supportive, positive, and is amazing. Yeah, even then. Well, no but she's kinda sorta around my age. Three. Shut up, fucker. I swear. No joke. I guess you could say that. Alright, will do. Bye." He hangs up and kisses me. "They gave you two?"

"Yeah. Let's get this done. What other plans do we have?"
"Washer, dryer and baskets, if you want to get them taken care of."
"Sure. Sears for all of it?"
"Ok. You get to pick the washer and dryer. We agree on baskets. I choose the detergent and fabric softener."
"Works for me."
We head to his bank and when we go in a branch manager comes up to us. "JC, how have you been?" She smiles as she talks and the rest of the time.
He smiles at her and I follow his lead. "I'm good. My friend and I would like to open a dual signature, high yielding savings acct and a checking acct in just her name. She plans on transferring some money from the checking to the savings every pay period."
"We'll need two forms of identification from her. Where would you like the statement to be sent?"
I hand her my CA ID and ssc. "Here you are miss."
She looks at them and nods. "Well prepared."
JC smiles and his hand brushes mine. "I would prefer if it were sent to my house as well as my e-mail."
"We can do that." She leads us into her office and pulls all his info up on the computer. "How much is going into the savings?"
I smile at her. "Two thousand." I pull the money out and her jaw drops.
"No offense, sweet heart, but I didn't think you had that much and I was under the impression he was giving you the money."
I shake my head. "It's ok. I've been holding onto it and it wasn't building enough interest at my bank."
"Ok. Understandable. I'm going to waive the $50 checking acct fee to open it. It's what we do for our long term acct holders when they come in with a close friend."
I look at JC, who's sitting back and semi-relaxed. He nods. I look back at the bank manager. "Thank you, miss."
"You're welcome." She enters all the info for the two accts and takes the two grand and puts it in the savings acct. She disappears for a few minutes.
Josh grabs my hand. "You have a talent for flipping from relaxed to very professional. That's attractive."
I smile. "Thanks, Josh."
She comes back in and we sign the papers for the accts. She gives us the slips to confirm the accts are opened. "Debit card?"
I smile. "Not at this moment, miss. No thanks."
She nods and looks at us. "You're all set then. JC has everything-the papers, slips and the starter checks."
I shake her hand and JC nods at her. "Thank you." I get my ID and ssc card back. We leave. As soon as we get outside, I look at him and shake my head. "What?"

"I was nervous the whole time."
"I wanted to see how you would react in a situation like that. The paparazzi can be that nice sometimes."
"I kinda figured as much."
He grabs my hands with his so I face him. He puts my hands over his heart and pulls me closer. "I know how I feel and I might have an idea about how you feel. I don't want to lose you. You mean so much to me. I'm just so scared to tell you. I want to tell you but the words won't come out of my mouth."
"It's not the right time or place for you to. It's also not the right time for me to say how I feel."
He sighs. "Lance is right. You are patient. I hope you and him are right."
"This is how God planned it. He knows everything he planned but we always have the choice to follow his plans or let the devil tempt us into the wrong direction. Temptation is humankind's biggest downfall." I look at him.

He smiles. "Sometimes I don't see the theory behind destiny and temptation."
I wrap my arms around his waist and look at him. "Destiny is God's plan for each of us, temptation is what leads us astray from his plans for us."
"How do you know this?"
"I was raised Catholic and went to a Spanish speaking Pentacostal church for three or four years. During that time, I was bilingual. I've since forgotten most of the Spanish I learned. My gramma taught me about destiny vs temptation and what they were. She started talking about it with me when I was four or five up until the summer I was twelve. She died a few months later. I draw most of my knowledge from things my grandma told me as a kid that didn't make sense to me then. Now it makes all the sense in the world."
"Oh. She must have been very intelligent."
"Yes, she was in an unconventional way."

He gives me a kiss. We stand by his car for a few more seconds before we get in. We head to Sears. We get there and we get everything set up and paid for. He even gets shelving for his laundry room. By the time we get done, it's almost noon. "I think we should eat. What do you like?"
"What do you mean?"
"For restaurants." He smiles.
"I'd rather eat in."
"No, we're going to get it to go." He smiles.
"Is there a Friendly's around here?"
He stops at a red light. "I know a better place." He gives me a kiss. I relax in the passenger seat. He holds my hand. I smile and close my eyes. He pulls up to the Hard Rock Cafe. "My favorite place to eat."
I look at it, shocked. "Josh, you don't have to."
"They have good prices. C'mon." We head inside and he tells the server that we're ordering to go. "What do you want, beautiful?"
I look over the menu. "Shrimp scampi with an Alfredo sauce. It comes with corn on the cob and garlic bread."
"It's very good. I prefer this one." He looks at the server. "I'd like to get my usual, please. She would like the shrimp scampi with the Alfredo sauce and sides."
The server writes it down. "Extra order of baked shrimp, JC? Any drinks?"

"No drinks and yes, extra order of shrimp, please." He hands her his credit card and she has him sign the slip. She hands him his card back. "Thanks for coming in today. It'll be ready in ten minutes."
He pulls me to the bench beside us. He gives me a kiss. "I wanted to treat you to something because you've been so good to me."
"How have I been good to you?"
"Being honest, our time alone and telling me almost everything that's on your mind."
I smile. "Then you've been good to me too."
He smiles. "I've been trying."
I get a text from James, followed by one from Dawn. James sent 'I doubt he isn't and I honestly think you found the one meant for you. So smile when he's around and he'll know you want him around. He is smart.'
I smile and text back. 'Thanks. I know he's smart. I smile constantly when I'm with him.'
I read the one from Dawn. 'Girl, if he's as smart as everyone says, he will figure it out. He will also want you around alot. If he isn't, he's either gay or mentally ill. What's his number? I wanna ask him some ?s'.
'Lil D!'
I text James. 'Can I give my best friend your cell number so she can text you and know what you know about Josh and I? The whole how we feel thing.'
James says it's ok with him. I go to text Dawn James' number and she sends back 'What? I'm being honest.'
'Here is James' number. He knows you'll be texting him and your real name.' I give her his number.
'Thank you! Ttyl.'

JC tries to see who I was texting. I gave James my cell number the night before. "What's up, hon?"
"Nothing." The server brings our food over.
He smiles. "You're talking to Dawn about someone."
"I really like this man and she said if he doesn't like me, he's either gay or mentally ill."
He laughs. "Ok. Who might that be?"
"How about those Lakers?"
He shakes his head. "You don't trust me?"
"I trust you. I just wanna keep it between her, me and James for now. Nothing personal. I'm just not ready to tell you yet."

We walk to his car and get in. I hold the food. He looks at me. "I'm not ready to tell you what I feel for who yet, either."
"I can wait till you are."
He smiles as we pull out of the parking lot and head to his house. I relax in his car and almost fall asleep on the way. We pull in his driveway and his cell rings. "Hello? Yes, I'm just getting home now. You can deliver them today. Thanks."
"Washer and dryer?"
"Yeah. Here's the keys. This one is to the house. I'll get everything else."
"You sure?"

He nods and pops his trunk to grab the shelving, baskets, detergent and fabric softener. We head inside and put everything next to the laundry room door way. I warm up our plates and we eat. The guys delivering the washer and dryer show up and install em. I run the dryer and washer like they say. Josh and I get his clothes together. I decide to wash his bedding as well. He laughs. "Just enough for a load?"
I look at him as I grab the detergent and fabric softener. "Yup." I put in the detergent and fabric softener and start the washer. I sit at his island counter again to finish eating. My cell rings. I look at the caller ID. James. "Hey. How ya doin?"
"I'm good. Are you with JC?"
"Of course. Just finishing up lunch and starting his laundry."
"JC has laundry?"
"I'm training him to put clothes in baskets so I can wash them in his washer and dryer."
"Those are in his house?"
"I made him get them. Saves more money. Made sure they were energy savers. What's up? You called for something."
"We need to talk."
"Good or bad?"

He laughs. "Good."
"How good?"
"Very good."
"Who's we?"
"Who am I on the phone with?"
"Me? What'd I do?"
"Just relax. I found out some things from your best friend, Dawn, about you. Things that will help the situation."
"Ok?"
"Put me on speaker for a minute, please."
I do and JC looks at me funny. "James, you're on speaker."
"JC, I have to talk to Sam for a few minutes and no eavesdropping. I know you. It has to do with her best friend and what I spoke to her about. We're gonna talk outside, in your yard. She will tell you what we talk about someday soon."
JC smiles. "I won't listen in."
"You're smiling. Dude, for real, it's personal."
"Alright."
"Is it ok if I stop by now?"
JC shrugs. "Sure."
"See you in five minutes. I have to talk to you after I talk to her, JC."
"What about?"
"What we talked about yesterday. Sam can listen in because we know who we're talking about."
"Ok."
"Be there soon." He hangs up.
JC and I look at each other, worried. We are cleaning up cuz we just finished eating. James knocks at the door. "Who is it?" JC was closest to the door.

"Lance." JC lets him in. I'm in the dining room, vacuuming, with my back to the door. James taps my shoulder. I turn the vacuum off and give him a hug. "Let's go talk." We head to JC's yard, close the glass door and sit by his pool. I wore shorts and a tank top. I take my shoes and socks off and put them next to me. I put my feet in the pool. "Dawn told me how much of a fighter you are. You lost so much but you're still fighting to get somewhere. Honestly, I have to respect and admire you for it all. JC likes women who fight to get where they go and likes to evade emotional topics, usually by changing the subject."
I think about yesterday. "I kinda noticed that he's very guarded. So am I. Over seven years of pain, shouldn't I be guarded?"
Lance nods. "You, I can understand. JC is scared of opening up to a woman because of Eva and Tara. Can I blame him? No, but he has to let go and move on. Once he's been hurt, he doesn't heal easily. I just had my heart torn out in the past few years, I made the choice to be single and let a better person find me."
"I know that feeling. My only problem is that I've never really been single since I was eleven. That's when my mom let me start dating."
"You've felt it again and again."
"Everyday for the past seven years."

"Before that?"
"Twice. My first boyfriend and the only boyfriend that understood me. TJ was my first boyfriend and Jason Shosey was the one who understood me. Jason saw me at my worst time and walked away, he isn't even sure why. His loss. TJ just didn't know how to handle me. He was a kid who's parents had money and I grew up in what they called the ghetto." I shake my head.
"Why would they say that?"
"They had money, we didn't. Leominster is a town full of snobs and if you don't grow up with their kid or go to school with their kid at some point, you're beneath them and from the ghetto. I was born and raised in the next town over, Fitchburg. I met TJ through a couple friends of we had in common back then."
"You talk to those friends or either ex?"

"Only Shosey. It usually consists of 'how ya been? Good. I'm ok. Life sucks. Glad to hear you're doing good. Hope everything works out for you. Talk to you later. Miss you. Hahaha. I'm not moving back home. Come to LA. talk to ya later. Bye.' It's usually via yahoo messenger or a phone call."
"Nothing will come of that. He's not even interested. He's just checking on you."
"I know. He thinks he might be able to get tail but won't. But, Josh. He's different. He doesn't expect it. Last night, I started kissing him. He held my face gently with one hand and had his other hand on my hip, feeling me do body waves. We got pretty close and he was grinding on me, fully clothed, and started feeling guilty. He stopped and said he'd never forgive himself if I didn't want any of it right then. I said fuck me in French and pulled him close, kissing him and doing body waves on him again. I wasn't ready to tell him and I'm still not yet. I don't know how long he's willing to wait to hear it. He's been single so long that he might be afraid to tell the one he likes outta fear of being shot down and nixed from her life." I look at Lance.

"Something I know for sure is that he has alot of patience. He can wait almost forever to hear someone's true thoughts and feelings. He hardly ever gets mad about that kinda thing. He takes it with a grain of salt and thinks about it. He's gotten mad once, it was only because she said he was just a rebound and she didn't really care about him. He poured himself into his work and spoke to almost nobody for a couple weeks. It killed him emotionally and he's been healing ever since. He met you yesterday and hasn't stopped being the JC we knew until 05. He's always laughing and smiling. He jokes around like he used to. You got to him in ways nobody could since Eva."
"Over five years? That's a long ass time."
"I know. We've missed JC and he's back to himself since he met you yesterday. Justin and Nick told me that he was back to being his old self."
I look at him, curious and confused. "You're welcome?"
He smiles. "We are all thankful for you coming into his life, but we don't completely understand how or why you clicked with him. Justin said something about astrological and Chinese zodiac signs. Explain it to me."
I sigh. "Ok, here goes. I'm a Capricorn, which is an earth sign, in astrology. I'm a fire tiger, which is obviously fire. He's a fire dragon and a Leo, both being fire. Fire is a natural resource which feeds off the energy of the earth and feeds into the earth's energy and replenishes it. One feeds off the other and replenishes each other. Please tell me you understand what I just said."

He nods. "All of it. It's based on simple science and makes a great deal of sense. How about spiritually?"
"Familiar souls, karma brings us together and our souls pull at each other. Like we belong together. Destiny vs temptation theory."
"You believe in more than one religion. Karma, destiny, luck and God. Somehow you believe all of it plays a hand in your life. You believe in your destiny and that you deserve better, which makes you fight for it all."
"You have to keep in mind that with a little luck and if God says karma is in my favor, I will get what I deserve. When is a mystery to us, God knows when cuz he planned it before we were even born." I look in his eyes and smile.
"You downplay your intelligence. When you show it, you get to him."
"I can tell. He gets that dirty little smirk on his face."
Lance laughs. "He would. You probably feel a little more at ease and like you know him a little better."
I smile. "A little bit."
Lance smiles back at me. "He doesn't usually just click with any woman, especially not like he did with you. By the way, I heard from Justin and JC that you speak bit and pieces of three other languages."
"Yeah. French, Spanish, and Irish Gaelic."
"What can you say in Spanish?"
"Very little. And it's embarrassing."
"After you hang out with Howie for awhile and learn it from him, you should be able to say almost anything in Spanish. How about French?"
"I'm kinda reteaching myself the basics and some 'inappropriate' extras they don't teach in school. Gaelic, I'm teaching myself that little by little." I smile.
"Something you would only tell JC in French?"
"Je veux t'enculer ce soir. I've texted him that. Did that last night." I giggle.

"What does that mean?"
"It means 'I want to fuck you tonight'. I would only direct that to Josh though. I wanna tell him how I feel but every time I do try, almost nothing  comes outta my mouth." I start playing with the bottom of the legs on my shorts. "It's so frustrating for me when I look at him and wanna say how I feel. All that happens is a smile or a kiss. I crave his touch, want him to hold me close, wanna taste his kisses, feel his body next to mine and know he's paying attn to me."
Lance hugs me. "I know the feeling. I'll help you figure out how to get past this."
"Thanks."
"Are you feeling better about this whole thing with JC?"
"Yeah." I look at him and smile. "Want me to go get him?" I nod toward the house.
"Would you please?"
I nod, get up barefoot, walk in JC's house, look at him, smile and walk by him. He's leaning over the counter, messing with my iPod. I'm hoping I erased the convo with Lance from last night. I giggle & he looks at me. He gets up and follows me into the new laundry room. He stands in the doorway and watches me put the laundry in the dryer. I set the dryer and turn it on. He comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me. I smile as he pushes my hips so I face him. He gives me a kiss and smiles. "He would like to talk with you. Do you mind if I sit outside with you?"

"Sure. C'mon." He leads me out of the laundry room and steals a quick kiss. I smile and switch my hips on the way outside. "Mmmm. I love that."
I stop just outside the glass doors. "You comin, Josh? Or ya just gonna watch me walk away?"
I start walking toward Lance again, smiling. He's watching the whole thing. JC starts jogging to catch up to me. I signal that I wanna sit in the grass. Lance moves to the grass and sits down. JC catches up and grabs my hand. He gently pulls my hand so I turn around to face him. He steps closer to me and holds me in his arms. He has his hands on the small of my back, pulling me as close as he can and all I can do is smile. Lance can see our faces from a side angle. I can see him outta the corner of my right eye but don't care cuz he knows how we feel about each other. JC kisses me and we both smile. I put my head on his chest and look at Lance. JC looks at Lance. "I really am serious, Lance."
"I know what you told me. What I don't understand is why you clicked like that." He snaps his fingers.
"Something pulled me to her. I told you why I'm attracted to her, what I like about her. She's everything in one and more."
"True." Lance looks at me. "You haven't told her yet?"
"No, it doesn't feel like the right time. You didn't say anything?"
"Nothing." I look at Lance and he slowly blinks. I know JC is talking about his emotions. "I know she's scared and more than appreciates you. She wants you around. It's all I can tell you without breaking a promise to her."
JC rubs my back. "Same promise you made with me. She'll tell me when she's ready."
"I did tell her you can be very patient and she needs time."
JC kisses me on the head. "Does she understand that I'm willing to wait as long as it takes?"
I smile at Lance. "She understands. You need to understand that she's been dealing with a broken heart for seven years. She needs time to heal her broken heart. She does want you around because she trusts you. You might even help her heal."
"How do you figure that?"
"You make her days worth living and make her smile. It doesn't take much to do that. According to her friend, she's never talked like this about ANYBODY."
"Really?" Lance nods and I smile as JC holds me closer. "Does she know?"
"I haven't told her. I had her friend promise me not to tell her or you how you guys feel about each other."

I have my eyes closed. JC steps back and sits down, closer to Lance. I open my eyes as he steps back and he has me sit in front of him, facing him. I sit as if I have a skirt on and put my head on his chest. He wraps his arms around my waist, one hand on my hip and the other on my back. I wrap my arms around him so both of my hands are on his back. "So she doesn't know exactly how I feel."
"She's willing to wait until you're ready to tell her. Just like you're willing to wait for her to tell you. I understand why you're attracted to each other. You both have the same basic idea for why, but once either of you expand on it, it varies and crosses the other one's path and does differ."
"So, do you think it might work?"
"I'm gonna say this once and you need to remember it. It'll work because there's honesty, communication, chemistry, friendship and a level of comfort. You two would last a good while, if not for good."

JC pulls me a little closer to him. I hear Nick. "C'mon, miss thang. Training time." I sigh and get up. I walk in the house and grab the punching block. I give it to Nick. Josh turns so he can watch me train. "Same as yesterday, I push you, push back and punch the block. Tomorrow we will work on kicks. Wait, no, I mean Thursday. No training tomorrow. Thursday and Friday we'll be focusing on kicks." I nod and get into stance. "Ready?" I nod. He shoves me, I shove back and attack. I hear JC and Lance talking, but can't hear what they're saying cuz I'm focused on my training. I go at Nick with the padded block for almost an hour. He braces me to make me stop. I stay in stance. "Upper cuts now." He angles the pad so I'd be able to hit it. He shoves, I shove back and attack with uppercuts. We work on this for almost an hour. Nick braces me again. He looks at JC. "Got another padded block?" He lifts the punching block.
"Yeah. Be back out in a minute."

I'm still in stance. Nick looks at me. "You take this as serious as possible. You eat today?"
"Yeah. Lunch. Shrimp scampi with an Alfredo sauce, corn on the cob and garlic bread. Have baked shrimp for after this."
"Pretty healthy. You choose better when given the choices." I nod as JC gives Nick the punching block, comes to me, pulls me close and kisses me. I start to drop my guard as we kiss. "JC, you're distracting my student. Let her train." JC lets me go and sits down. "Sam. Train." Nick has his wrists crossed so the padded blocks are facing the outside. I get in stance again and shake my head so I can focus. "Shove, shove and side attacks." He shoves, I shove back and begin attacking. "There's more emotion than there should be between you and JC. On both sides."

I attack harder. "Who said that?"
"That kiss."
"Nick. I use those kisses and the love making to hide my emotions."
He raises his eyebrows and braces me. I get back into stance. He shoves, I shove back and attack from the sides. He smiles. "He makes you happy."
"He makes me feel like I matter. Makes me more than happy."
"Treats you good?"
"Yeah."
"You want him close but you both have healing to do."
"Yeah, I know."
"One thing you don't wanna do is go into a relationship with an already broken heart."
"I know. Been there. Hardly been single since I started dating almost 16 years ago."
"You know what I mean, then. Do you know why he has healing to do?"
"Eva. James told me earlier. Also said Josh is getting back to his old self again."
"We are entirely happy to have him getting back to himself. It's been far too long since he's been himself. Thanks for bringing him back."
"I wasn't trying to but it happened. Welcome."

He braces me and I back down and get into stance again. "Combos. Forward, uppercut, side, side, uppercut, forward." He shoves, I shove and attack as he said. Takes a couple tries to get the order right. "He seems to have really clicked with you and vice versa."
"Well, yeah."
"Are you training for you or him?"
"Me. I wanna get back in shape and tone up. I don't like my middle section at all. Or the inside of my thighs."
"So you wanna strengthen and tone your core and inner thighs?" He nods and braces me. I get into stance and nod. Shove, shove, combo attacks. Nick hears someone behind him and glances back. "Aaron, I'm mid-training session."
Aaron smiles. "I'm only sitting in. First week?"
"Yes. She learns quick. Working on strengthening her upper and lower body this week, combine next week."
"Days off?"
"Wednesdays and Saturdays. Three hours a day."
"Why?"
"She has three kids and works."

"Oh." I hear Aaron trying to sneak up. I feel him just under leg's length away. I turn, position myself and spar with him for a few minutes. I mix the attacks. He shoves me and I shove back, making sure to follow through with a punch to his chest and push him backward as I knock his feet from under him. He hits the ground and looks at me. I hold a hand out to help him up. "Good sportsmanship." He takes my hand and gets up.
I look at him. "One, zip." I walk backward to Nick to watch him sit with JC and Lance. I turn to face Nick. Shove, shove, combo attacks. Nick nods. "Good job. You were ready for an impromptu test. You have good sensory skills. Will expand on those in a month. Take less to get him down. Might be able to do it in three months with less energy and moves than you did today. Very good. Thought you might need more training than you do."

"Grew up around boys. One of three girls between me and my cousins. Me, my cousins Ellen and Kari. Ellen is older, Kari is her daughter and younger than me. I'm the baby of my generation."
"Fight your own battles or babied?"
"Babied till I turned three. Gramma had enough. Told me to tear my cousins' asses up if they fuck with me. May not have won all the time, but I learned the basics of fighting. Learned it quick."
He nods, braces me and I get into stance. Shove, shove, combo attacks. The last twenty minutes are done in silence and with complete focus and full force hits. Nick braces me and bows to signal the end of the session. I bow with my eyes focused on him. He hugs me. "You did very good. Trained hard and kicked my brother's ass in less than ten moves. Shove, shove, punch, shove and trip. You pinned when you landed. Did you push off when you felt him hit the ground?"
"I think so. That was pure instinct and defense."
Aaron walks up and gives me a hug. "I couldn't do that until the third week. He had Justin do it to me. Less than six moves. I did it in twelve and on the fifth try."
I nod as I hear JC and Lance get up and come over to us. JC makes sure I know he's coming up behind me. "Nick, you showed up early."
"To see if she would train sporadically, if it calls for it. She was dressed more appropriately for it today."
JC wraps his arms around me, pulling me close to his body. I let my head fall back onto his chest, put my hands over his and smile. "She didn't get thrown in the pool today."

"Very true. This is what I mean, Sam."
"I know, Nick. Shut it."
He puts his hands up in front of himself, as if he's blocking an attack. "Ok. We can talk about it another time."
"Thank you." I relax again and face JC. "I have to go fold that load of clothes." He gives me a kiss and I walk inside, switching my hips as I walk cuz I know he's watching. I let them talk as I fold the laundry and put it in a basket, bring it upstairs and put it all away. I leave my jeans on his bed. I go back outside.
I hear JC as I get in earshot. "...more emotion on my end."
Nick and Aaron nod. I notice Nick signal to me. JC turns around and lets me stand in front of him again, holding me. I smile. Nick looks at me for a second. "JC, got any Mountain Dew?"
"I'm not too sure. Let me check." JC kisses me and goes to check.
Nick and Aaron focus on me when JC gets to the door. "What's your side of it?"
"Won't he be back quickly?"
"He doesn't have that soda. Barely ever does. Spill it."

"I hope he's the one and I think I love him. I'm just too scared to say anything. Every time I've tried so far, all I can do is smile or we kiss. I wanna be with him. Nick, you and James know why I can't right now. I've been dealing with a broken heart for seven years. My head spins, my heart races, I can't breathe, my body screams for him and my day is better when he's near me or calls me or texts me. He touches me and I feel like putty. He calms me down. He's just so sweet and well, our signs are compatible. We get along great and the sex is a mind blowing bonus. I guess I'm scared to open up and just tell him. I hear his voice or see him, there's nothing but chaos within me. Yesterday, after our first kiss, part of me wanted to scoot against the wall and hug my knees just outta his reach, another part of me wanted him to bring me home, but most of me wanted him to want me or him to kiss me. Everything is like a spin art picture, Nick. It makes sense to who made it, but when you try to explain it to most people, it doesn't make sense but they say they understand. When you do come across some people who have had the same results, they take one look and recognize it almost immediately. It's like that."
Nick nods. "I know what you mean."

Aaron is confused. "Until the spin art thing, I understood it. Now, I'm confused. Lamen's terms please."
Nick laughs. "Basically, she's saying everything makes perfect sense to her, but when she explains how she feels to someone who's never felt this way, they'll never understand. When she walks by or hangs out with someone who has felt like she does, they can see her emotions and recognize it right away. She can't think straight, breathe, talk, she wants him and can't do anything but smile when he's talking to her or touching her. He touches her and she feels like her knees are gonna buckle. Kinda like how Les is when it comes to Mikey. How I feel about Lauren. Angel with Danny. Like how Brian and Leighann have been since they first got together. Kevin with his wife. AJ and Rochelle. Howie and Leigh. Joey and his wife. Like all of them, just newer and currently broken hearts. Hers has been getting shattered for the past seven years by one guy, who's an asshole and treats her like a slave. His by Eva, he was a rebound she didn't care about. Remember back in, I think it was 05, when JC didn't talk to anyone for a few weeks and just poured himself into his work and producing?"
"Yeah, of course I remember that, Nick."

"Aaron, that was his way of dealing with a broken heart. She's just shut down and shut everyone but her kids and one friend out. They clicked and truly feel the way they do, which is slowly reversing all the hurt, heartache and negative emotions. Only downfall is because they both have dealt with truly broken hearts all these years, they're afraid to tell each other how they feel because they fear rejection."
Aaron thinks for a second. "But I don't think they should cuz we know-"
Nick puts his hand over Aaron's mouth. "Ixnay on the upidstay. THEY have to tell each other, not us. Shut it. This is why I don't tell you shit when it comes to secrets and surprises. Understand?"
Aaron nods and Nick takes his hand off Aaron's mouth. "We know how they feel and what the outcome would be."
JC stands behind me and wraps his arms around me. "How who feels and what outcome?"
Aaron look like a deer in the headlights. Nick laughs. "Aaron has friends that like each other. We were trying to figure something out about them. An icebreaker."
JC shrugs. "That's cool."
They all decide to go home and will call us later or text. JC and I clean his whole house, top to bottom in three hours. I have my iPod on and the earphones in.  He brings me home. We keep the same routine for a few months before there's a big change.

I go through the same routine for the next five months, making sure to save parts of my checks. JC and I go apartment hunting and spend weekends with the kids for the last couple months. I find a nice place and move in everything within a month without Joe realizing I was doing it. JC and I ask Nick, Aaron, Justin, AJ, and Chris for help moving the beds and furniture to my new place. They get it all loaded into the truck as Joe gets home. I hand him the divorce papers. "We are done and I'm moving out with the kids. These are divorce, visitation and child support papers." I turn to walk away and Joe grabs my right wrist, holding it as tight as he can. Thankful the kids are in school, I pull my arm. "Let go of me."

"You're not leaving."
"Let go of me! NOW!"
Nick and JC walk near us. JC is worried. "Let her go. I will involve the police, if I have to."
I look at them as Nick smiles. "I can make you let her go and pin you without breaking a law before the police get here. Let her go, dude."
Joe grips tighter. "Fuck you!" I start crying and wanna drop to my knees but won't give him the satisfaction.
JC calls the police and Nick approaches. He's mouthing an apology in case he hurts me. He pulls on my free hand, freeing me from Joe's grip. Nick yells at me. "Go to JC now!" I do as Nick tells me and go to JC, shaking. I let him hold me close. "Aaron! Help!" Aaron rushes over to Nick to help pin Joe.

JC hangs up with the police and rubs my back. "I got you. You're fine. Does your hand or wrist hurt?" I nod as he guides me to the passenger seat of his car. He looks at it. "Will you be alright until the police get here?" I nod, still too shaken to say anything. He's crouched down in front of me. He checks on Nick and Aaron as we hear the sirens. He's holding my uninjured left hand to keep me calm, rubbing my palm with his thumb.
The police zip cuff Joe and put him in the cruiser. They take everyone's statements. They come over to us and take our statements. "Miss, what happened today?"
I look at the officer. "I saved for six months so I could get my kids into a safer environment and to get a divorce. I haven't felt safe or respected in the same house as my spouse. He treated me like a slave. I came for the last of my kids' things and mine. He freaked when I gave him the divorce, visitation and child support papers. He grabbed my wrist and refused to let go of me. I tried to pull away, out of fear. He gripped tighter, it hurt so bad. Nick pulled me away from him and told me to come to JC. I've been over here with him since. Nick yelled for his brother's help. JC asked if I'm hurt and checked it out."
"Do you want to press charges?"
"Yes."
"Go get this injury checked out and sign this if you can." I wince in pain as I sign my statement. "Get it checked out and I will have an officer meet you there for evidence." I nod.

JC gives the same story. Justin comes over. "We're gonna take the beds, washer, dryer and living room set to her place. We can just get her another dining room set. Get her wrist checked cuz it's swelling and bruising."
JC looks at it and takes a few pictures on his cell, puts them on his sd card and hands it to the officer. "They will have date stamps on them. The pictures are the only data on it." The officer thanks him and we head to Cedar Sinai ER. The shock is starting to wear off and I'm starting to really feel the pain in my wrist when we get halfway there. He checks me in and they call us right away for the intake and paperwork. He signs for me. I'm trying to control my breathing to focus on something other than the pain. He holds me close while we wait to be seen. "You ok?"
"Will be soon enough." I feel tears start falling. They call us as an officer shows up.
She comes in with us. "This is a police involved matter. Can you take pictures of her injuries?"
The nurse looks at her. "We can do that right away, as we speak to her or the witness."
JC is focused on me. She looks at the nurse as JC and I sit on the gurney. He has his arms wrapped around me. She nods at JC. "He's one of six witnesses and all statements match up. We just need to document her injuries."
"Ok. Sir, what happened?"

"She was in a bad marriage. She obtained employment, saved, filed for divorce, child support and set up legal council to set up visitation so he could have a relationship with his three children. We loaded the rest of their things, big stuff like furniture, into a moving truck and he came back. She handed him the motions for divorce, child support and visitation for him. He flipped out, grabbed her and wouldn't let go. Nick had to pull her out of his grasp, most of this is from when her spouse grabbed and held her. Justin and myself noticed it was swelling. I think she was in shock and it may be starting to wear off." The nurse tries to look at my wrist and I start to cry from the pain. I grab JC's shirt and hold it. Every wave of pain causes me to stiffen the majority of my body. JC notices and rubs my back. They take pictures, least painful part.
The nurse touches my wrist and I scream out in pain. "It may be broken. We need x-rays to make sure. The doctor will be in very shortly."
JC is rubbing my back and holding me. "Can you give her anything for the pain?"
"Not yet. We have to know if we cause more pain or aggravate the injury."
"When?"
"After we get films. Here's the doctor."

The doctor says something about getting me into radiology right then so they can give me pain meds. I know I was crying the hardest I've ever cried from the pain. I didn't want my right forearm, wrist or hand touched, or resting on anything. I have it elevated but not touching anything, not even my own body. It hurts so bad. They transport JC and I to radiology for the films on my wrist. They force me to let JC up so he can leave the room while they take the films. They put the shield on me and take the films as fast as they can. Every time they touch my right hand or wrist, I scream in pain. I let them do it cuz it'll be done faster if I don't fight them. They finish up and let JC get back on the gurney to hold me. I'm crying even harder. He feels so bad. They give me a vicodin and wait for it to kick in. They wait close to an hour and it doesn't take effect. They give me a local anesthetic by injection. They have to rebreak my wrist to reset it. It is broken. They chose morphine because of how fast it can kick in and last. They dose me and I guess I ko'd cuz JC was shaking me awake. "What color do you want it wrapped in?"
"Turquoise. Or a light teal." I fall back to sleep.
I wake up to JC going over the discharge instructions with the doctor and my hand to mid-forearm in a cast and in a sling. "They took care of it already?" I sound wicked drugged and don't feel any pain.
JC nods. "Yes."
I hear the doctor. "The police have copies of the pictures and films. The medications might wear off in the next couple hours. Here are scripts for vicodin and ibuprofen. Have her take a vicodin and an ibuprofen before bed. Two ibuprofen every six hours as needed. One refill for the vicodin and four for the ibuprofen."
I feel so drowsy. "Ok. How will I know when the meds you gave her start to wear off?"
"She will tell you. Samantha, does your hand or wrist hurt at all right now?" I shake my head no cuz all I feel is drowsy. "She should be ok for the next couple hours if not longer."
"Thanks." He picks me up and carries me like a small kid.
I hear his car keys jingle as he unlocks the door. "Time is it?"

"It's only quarter till ten in the morning. You have time to sleep off the vicodin and morphine. You had enough morphine to knock Justin out and a vicodin. I had to look away when they gave you the morphine, they injected it."
"Let's get the meds while I'm awake right now." He puts me on my feet and we walk to the hospital's pharmacy. "You gonna be alright?" I nod. We get the meds and head back to the car. I get in and start falling asleep again. He holds my left hand the whole way to his house. I hear his cell phone ring. "Justin, just meet us at my house. I'd rather have her here right now. She and the kids can spend the night here. I'll leave the final say to her when she's awake for more than twenty minutes. Vicodin and morphine, enough morphine to knock your ass out. Yeah, she's been in and out for the past hour. No more than ten minutes so far. She's very drowsy. She needs our help with the kids tonight. Yeah." He shakes me gently. "Sam, do you have the keys to your place?"
I look at him, still very drowsy. "New one?"
"Yes, hun."
"Right side belt loop." I try to reach and can't.
He gently grabs my left hand. "It's ok. I can get them off your belt loop when we get inside. She has the keys. Yeah, send Aaron for em then. Ok. It's gonna wear off in a few hours. Hope she doesn't hurt as bad as she did when the shock wore off. C'mon, we gotta get inside, Sam." I hear him hang up his cell. We go inside and he takes the keys off my belt loop. He helps me to his couch and lays me down. I feel him put a blanket on me.
I don't hear or see JC when I wake up. "Josh?"
He rubs my head. "I'm right here. I haven't left. Aaron has your keys for the new place and they're almost done unloading and setting up. Do you wanna stay here with the kids or have me at your new place?"
"You at my place."
He keeps playing with my hair. "Ok." He smiles to comfort me.
I know it's gotta be near time to get the kids. "Josh, what time is it?"
"One thirty. Do you want to pick up the kids?"
"I want Nick to. They get out at three. Do me a favor?"
"Ok. What's that?"
"Stay with me for the next few days? Until I feel safe again?"
He holds my left hand. "Ok. I will."
I close my eyes. "Thanks. I'm gonna call the school and let them know Nick will be picking them up. They know his car." I call the school and they agree to hold them at the school. They want a note and him to show an id so they can be sure it's really Nick.
JC calls Nick and lets him know. Nick wants to talk to me. "How ya holding up, trooper?"

I look at JC and smile. "Slightly drugged and still drowsy. Minimal pain for now."
"Wow. Tougher than I thought. I knew you wanted to drop but for some reason you didn't."
"I wasn't gonna give him the satisfaction of seeing me drop in defeat."
"You gonna be able to write the note I'm gonna need to get the kids for you?"
"I can try. I'll get on it now." I go to sit up and JC helps me. "Thanks, Nick."
"You're welcome. Any time you need something, let one of us know. Word will get between us."
"Thanks. Will do."
"I'll stop by in about 45 minutes for that note. Ok?"
"Yeah, see you then." I hang up and give JC his cell. I get up, grab a pen and paper. I sit at the island counter in the kitchen and try to write it. Takes about five tries and my handwriting is almost the same. I sign and date it. I look at the clock. It took half an hour. I look around and JC is sitting behind me. "Josh, I have no idea how I would be doing this if it wasn't for you and the guys. Thank you."
"You're welcome. You and the kids mean alot to me."
"I'm still wicked drowsy." My cell rings, I try reaching for it but can't. I lean so that my homemade lanyard is within reach. I pull on it, look at the caller id. "Hey, Tig-Tig."
"Been trying to reach you since nine."
"Had an issue when we grabbed the rest of the kids' things."
"What kinda issue? You ok?"
"I gave Joe the papers I told you about and he grabbed my wrist. Broke it. It started to heal and they had to heavily medicate me to rebreak and reset it."
"You ok?"
"Yeah. It's in a cast and Josh is here with me. I was in and out for a few hours. Happened around 8:15, got to the ER around quarter to nine. We were outta there in about an hour. They don't play at the hospital Josh took me to."
She laughs. "How much did it hurt?"
"At first, it was like when your foot falls asleep and it's just waking up. Pins and needles kinda feeling. I was in shock. Got halfway there and I started feeling the pain. It hit wicked bad a few minutes before we were seen. Every time the nurse or doc touched, I screamed and tensed. I thought having Demitryus all natural was painful. I was dead wrong."
"Holy shit."
"Worst part was that the pain was from the middle of my forearm to the tips of my fingers. They kept moving and touching it. All I could do was scream and cry."
"You're stronger than me."
"Well, it had to be taken care of and done. Now I get to deal with a cast for about six weeks."
"Yeah. So are you outta there?"
"Yeah, the meds are starting to wear off. Not alot of pain."
"JC saw it happen?"
"Yeah. Josh, Nick, AJ, Justin, Aaron and Chris were all there and saw the whole thing."
"You pressing charges?"
"Of course. Hopefully, they also give me a restraining order against him."
"Same here and for the kids too."
"What about the stuff you grabbed today?"
"Chris, Aaron, Nick, Justin and AJ are setting it up for me and the kids. Nick's gonna pick up the kids for me."
"Well, give me a buzz or text me later. Keep me posted. Love and miss you."
"Will do. Love and miss you too." I hang up and lean back on JC.
Someone knocks on the door. JC doesn't move. "Who?"
"Nick."
"Just come in."
Nick comes in and stands by us. "Need a hug?"
"Hugs are always good." I give him a hug. I hand him the note for the school. "Make sure to show ya ID."
"Will do. Need anything else?"
"Is all the stuff set up?"
"Set up, hooked up and ready to go."
"Thanks. You guys are great. Could you and Aaron take the boys?"
"Tonight?"
"For the night please?"
"It's a Friday. I can take them for the weekend, if you want."
"Please."

"Sure." He calls Lauren. "Hey babe. We have company tonight. No, Sam's boys. She broke her wrist and will need time to adjust to it. The weekend?" He laughs. "Well, yeah. Ok. I can try to be a good boy. Heh, you know me better. I love you too. Bye." He hangs up and looks at me. "All set. What about Aaliyah?"
"Would Angel take her?"
"No. Maybe Joey would?"
JC calls Joey as I walk Nick to the door. He hugs me. "Thanks, Nick."
"Anytime." He heads out to pick up the kids.
I walk back to JC as he hangs up with Joey. He looks at me and walks over to me. "Joey will take Aaliyah for the weekend."
"Thanks. I'm not feeling too good."
He leads me to the couch and has me sit down. "You might just need to eat." He makes some pasta and I eat it. He used four cheese sauce, added mushrooms, and rotini noodles. I make sure to eat it slowly, just so I don't get sick. "Feel a little better now that you have something in your stomach?"
"Not much right now." Nick calls. "Hello?"
"It's Nick. I'm gonna pick up some clothes for the kids so Aaliyah can be with Joey and his family and the boys can spend the weekend with Lauren and I."
"I bet they're psyched."
"Yeah. It's been a couple weeks since you let them outta your sight for more than a few hours."
"I know. Just keep them safe."
"We will. Rest up and get the knock out cocktail outta your system. They'll be fine."
"Thanks, Nick. Tell Joey I appreciate everything."
"I will. You eat anything since waking up?"
"Josh made pasta. I had some."
"You still sound drugged."
"I still feel fuzzy."
"JC'll take good care of you. Take it easy."
"I'll try to. Make sure the kids call me before bed, please."
"I'll make sure the boys call and I'll let Joey know Aaliyah has to call you before bed."
"Thanks."
"No problem. You gonna tell him?"
"Huh?"
"JC, how you feel about him?"
"Uh, doesn't feel like the right time."
"Lemme know when you do?"
"Maybe."
"C'mon."
"You can keep secrets?"
"Yeah."
"You and James will know first."
"Other than Dawn."
"Yeah." I look at JC and sigh. "Talk to you later."

"I wish I could tell you what he told us. You know his first solo album?"
"Schizoprenic?"
"Listen to 'Build My World' and 'Lose Myself'. Then when you tell each other, it'll be like 'Right Here (By Your Side)'."
I think for a second. "Really? I know those songs almost by heart. You sure?"
"Yeah. Still, wait till the time is right to tell him how you feel. He may cave and tell you first. I think in the next six months he'll tell you."
"That'd be a year of knowing each other."
"I know. A year of feeling the way you two do and not saying it. Don't wait until it's too late."
I sit back on the couch and look in JC's eyes. "Mmmmm, true."
"He's told me that he feels that 'I Will Be Right Here Waiting For You' pretty well explains his emotions. He said one of his songs 'Mercy' covers it too."

"Hunh. Now I know. Just wanna hear it straight from the source."
"Ok. I don't mean to meddle."
"We put you in the middle. I half expected you to meddle. You kept it for six months."
"Ok. Talk to you later."
"Thanks, bye." I hang up and lay down with my head on JC's lap. "Josh, what would you do if a girl you're wicked close with liked you and you felt something for her, but you both were scared to tell each other?"
"Why?" He looks in my eyes and plays with my hair.
"Just curious."
"I'd wait for the right time to tell her and wait for her to tell me who she truly feels. Even if it means knowing her for years before either of us say a word."
"Oh."
"What about you?"
"I'd wait for him to tell me what he feels and decide on how to tell him."

I lay there and we look in each other's eyes. He keeps playing with my hair. I start to doze off. I realize I fell asleep when I wake up and JC isn't near me. I hear him in the kitchen. "Lance, it's killing me to be this close to her and not tell her. I would but-. Man, I wish it was THAT simple and easy. Can you imagine me just blurting that out? Of course not. I've always over thought everything, even more so since 07 and when it comes to my emotions. Why wouldn't I? Exactly." His back is to me and I can hear him messing with the keys on my cell. He turns around as I sit up. "I still feel like that." He smiles at me and I smile back. "I get that, Lance. You know what I mean and I hope you can understand where I'm coming from too. The world. That would be kinda hard. No, not easily. That's why she doesn't stress it. I haven't hung out with any other ones since. No, just her. No, I don't treat it like that. No. Lance, you've gotta be kidding me. It doesn't look like that." He hangs his head and sighs. "Does it, really? I had no clue. Guess I'm oblivious when it comes down to this kinda thing. Three days. Heh, right. That'll backfire. I'm sure. Sam's been awake since I turned around to check on her. Ok, hold on. Lance wants to talk to you."

I still like I'm in a fog. I take his cell. "Hey, James."
"How ya doing? I heard about this morning."
"I'm good. Nick wasn't kidding that word gets between you guys. What's up?"
"By now, you've probably caught on that JC has strong emotions when it comes to you."
"Yeah. Nick hinted at his exact emotions and thoughts."
"I knew he would tell one of you first. Did he say any of these songs? 'I Will Be Right Here Waiting For You', 'Something Special', 'Mercy', 'Build My World', 'You Ruined Me', 'Now & Forever', 'Right Here (By Your Side)', 'Girlfriend Remix' with Nelly?"
"All but the last two or three. 'Bombastic Love', 'Like I Love You', and 'Lose Myself'. Um, 'All For You' and a few others I can't seem to think of right now."
"Probably cuz you're still coming down from the morphine."
"Most likely."
"You need to tell him."
"If I don't today?"
"I'll wait a few more weeks and tell him myself. I don't like doing this but I will cuz it's starting to drive me insane."
"James."
"I mean it. I will keep quiet about how you feel about him till the end of April. May comes around and I will tell him. It's been six months. You both need to know. He still hasn't found out but has an idea you feel something for him by the way you act and talk to him and look at him. He knows it's good cuz I told him it's something he's gonna wanna hear from you."
I sigh. "Nick said the same thing."
"Lemme talk to JC."
"May, no earlier. Song titles are fair. Nothing more. Gotta be fair. 'My All' and 'Butterfly'. Then there's 'Underneath The Stars' and 'Always Be My Baby'. Lenny Kravitz's 'Again' and 'Just One Kiss'. Nick did the last one. 'Open Arms' and most of the 'Now or Never' album. Minus 'Blow Your Mind'."
"You have these songs?"
"Well, yeah."
"Play them for him."
"What?"
"I'll tell him but you play them."
I look at JC. "I will. You and Nick will know first."
"Ok. Lemme talk to JC, please."
"James wants to talk to you." I hold out his cell.
He takes it. "Yeah? Hold on." He walks to the counter in the kitchen where I left the pen and paper. "Ok." He writes down the song titles. "Ok. That's what I've been thinking she feels. I can tell by the titles, mostly. Ok. Yeah. I will, yeah." He turns around and looks at me, smiling.

"I will. May? Ok. Yeah, I can manage that. Sure. Talk to you later." He hangs up. He comes to sit with me. "I'll make you a fair deal."
I look at him. "What's that?"
"I'll play the songs that they told you cover how I feel and you do the same. Fair?"
I bite my lip. "Ok."
"Do you have your iPod?"
"Yeah, when don't I?"
He smiles and I hand him my iPod. I lay with my head on his lap. He plays the songs and I sing the ones I know. He sings 'Now & Forever' while he looks in my eyes and playing with my hair. I sit up and lean on him just as he finds 'Something Special' and plays it. He holds me close, plays 'Right Here (By Your Side)' and kisses me. I cuddle up to him and he hands me the iPod. I play the songs I told Lance and a few more. "Look at me, please, Sam." I turn so I can look him in the face. "I still can't seem to say how I feel but we both know how we both feel. I didn't count on feeling like this or even wanting more than what we've had from the beginning-friendship, sex and respect."
"Honestly, I didn't expect more than a job, friendship, respect and sex. I think we got way more than we both expected and bargained for."
"I have one question, well, a few. How long are we gonna be together before we get together? How strong are we gonna grow together by the time we actually get together?"
I shake my head. "I have no clue."
"Already been six months we've been together without being together."
I sigh. "I know. What song expresses how you felt the day we met and made love the first time?"
"I'd say 'Build My World', 'Lose Myself' and 'Something Special'."
"It was more 'Mercy', 'Build My World' and 'Lose Myself'. 'My All' and 'Butterfly'. 'Open Arms' and 'Underneath The Stars'. The last one cuz of the night we did that under the night sky in the yard." I smile.
He smiles. "You remember that? I couldn't forget it. It just meant something more than any other time."
"Really?"
"It won't mean the same thing with anyone else."
"I kinda feel like this is a dream. Just a fantasy."
"It's not. Any way to prove it?"
"Kiss me? No, I'm j-"

JC kisses me and shows the emotion I've sensed since the first kiss, it's a truth telling kinda kiss. He's cradling my face and after a few minutes, he puts his hands to mine and holds them. I pull away from his kiss. He looks at me and licks his lips. "I hope I wasn't too forward."
"No." I'm kinda In shock for the second time that day.
"You gonna be ok?"
"Yeah. You caught me, Uh, off guard." I look down before I blush. When I start to blush, my hair is blocking my face from JC's view. Lance calls my cell and JC gets up to answer it.
"Yeah, Lance, 'sup?" He sounds like he caught himself off guard. "Sure. Just a second." He walks to the door and lets Lance come in.
Lance looks around the corner at me. "Um, hi. If I came at bad time, I can-"
I snap outta it. "No, it's ok. He, we, Uh, kiss, yeah." I look at him and smile.
"I didn't think it'd be this fast."
"We played the songs and he, uh, caught me off guard."
"How did he get you, of all people, off guard?"
"Kissed. Tons of emotion."
Lance smiles and puts his head in his hands. "Wow. Just wow. JC? Your malfunction has to be something else, like she said something."
"Well, I do know that, uh" he runs his hand through his hair and rubs the back of his head "She does feel the way I do. I pretty much put all my, uhm, emotions into it."
Lance looks at me and JC a few times. "All this from a kiss?" His cell rings. "Hi. JC caught her off guard with a kiss and himself. No, I am NOT kidding you. JC, mind if the rest of the guys come over?"
"No." JC looks at me. "You mind?"
"It's alright by me."
"Come over. Total clearance." Lance hangs up, shaking his head and smiling.

Justin and Chris get to JC's before Joey could. Chris just looks at JC and cracks up. Justin looks at us both and shakes his head, smiling.
JC sits down next to me and I cuddle up to him. Justin tries not to laugh. "So, a kiss."
JC nods. "Yeah. It's kinda weird."
"You two have been making out and doin it and everything for like six months. You practically been together without being together all this time and one kiss makes everything different?"
I look Justin in the face. "Uh, yeah. More, um, emotion in it."

Justin is trying to be serious. He acts like he has a mic. He pretends to put it near us and I turn five shades of red. "So, Sam, how do you feel about the kiss?" He uses a fake British accent. JC cracks up, which makes me crack up. I love when he laughs. I turn and hide my face against JC's chest. He holds me and laughs even harder. Justin's cell rings. "Hi, mom. Well, uh, right now me, Chris and Lance are picking on JC and his friend. No, she's known him six months. The one I told you he likes but acts like he doesn't. You know JC, mom. Yeah, that's the one. Hold on. JC, my mom wants to tell you something."
It's on speaker. "JC, it's Lynn."
"Hi, Lynn. How" he starts cracking up again "are you?"
"I've been good. Justin told me you like a girl."
He stops laughing. "Yeah. She's sweet, beautiful, intelligent, optimistic and yeah, I do like her. Alot."
"Is she there? Is that who's laughing?"
"Yeah, Justin did the British interviewer thing for an ice breaker and it's the first time he's done it in front of her."
"You boys have known her how long now?"
"Six months."
"You've liked her how long, JC?"
"Six months."
"Justin said something about-"
"Mom, no!" Justin slaps himself in the head.
"Being active."
I look at Justin. JC fields it. "Um, we have been, but obviously I can't tell Justin anything like that anymore."
Chris and Lance start to chuckle. Lance glances at me. "Justin, keep an eye on her."
"I am, Lance. Trust me. I know what she can do."
JC takes Justin's cell and talks to Lynn. I sit up, glaring at Justin. Justin is looking around for something to 'hide' behind. Joey shows up. "What's so funny and what'd I miss? I left the girls with my wife."

Lance takes a deep breath. "Well, I came over about, oh, 45 minutes ago to find JC and Sam looking like they just heard zombies exist. We all found out Justin told Lynn about Sam and JC's relationship details. Now, it's the glare Justin is getting from her and we know JC is gonna feel like kicking Justin's ass after he gets off the phone with Lynn."
Joey looks at me and tries not to laugh. Lance, Chris and Joey are trying so hard not to laugh while JC is talking with Lynn. He finally hangs up and sees me glaring at Justin. "Babe, stop. Come here." He puts his arms out, reaching for me. I scoot over to him and snuggle him. "Honestly, I'd love to kick your ass, Justin. Right fucking now. Instead, I'm not because I have to keep her from doing it. I don't go around telling my parents about your damned sex life. Get my drift?"
"Yeah. I won't talk about that with my mom anymore. Can you get her to stop glaring at me?"
JC rubs my side and I hear Chris say 'make your chihuahua back down'. I get up and walk over to Chris. "Did you just call me a chihuahua?"
"If I did, what are you gonna do? Poke me?"
"Did you?"
"Yeah."

"I may be a 'chihuahua' but keep in mind, it's the little ones ya gotta watch for. I'll get ya back." I turn and walk away to sit with JC again.
Justin laughs, turning beet red. I look at JC. "If only he had soda in his mouth. Or milk. OJ hurts the most."
Chris cracks up again. "Chocolate milk, touring for the first time here, JC was drinking it and someone made a face. Laughed so hard it came outta his nose and mouth!!!"
"Chris, wanna try it with OJ?"
He stops laughing. "No, why?"
I shake my head. "Not so funny now, is it?"
He thinks about it for a few minutes. "Believe it or not, it's still fucking hilarious to me. JC hasn't done it since with anything but water and Kool-Aid." He cracks up again.
Joey thinks for a minute. "You and Justin were making faces at him."
I'm feeling better. I shrug it off. Lance smiles and comes to sit on the opposite end of the couch from JC. "You two together or the same?"

I look at JC and he kisses me. We smile. JC looks at Lance and runs his fingers through my hair. "The same for awhile."
"You told each other how you feel, word for word, right?"
I bite my lip and shake my head. JC half smiles. "I'm not ready to say the words. We played the songs but it's still not the right time. We know how we both feel now, but can't say how we feel exactly."
Lance nods. "Just because it doesn't feel like the right time?"
I straddle JC and put my head on his shoulder. He rubs my back. I sit up and look at him. He puts a semi-closed hand under my chin to pull me closer, slides his hand from my chin to the side of my face and kisses me. I kiss him back and his other hand slides up my thigh to my hip. I start doing bodywaves.
Justin sees this. "JC, man, come on. I know she went from like 170 down to this, but come on. Really?"
Joey stops laughing. "That's how we felt when it came to you and Britney."

I don't care and JC is enjoying this kiss. We share shorter and smaller kisses. I put my head on JC's shoulder again, facing Lance, Joey and Chris, and smile. JC wraps his arms around me. I feel him look at the guys. "What?"
Lance smiles and shakes his head. Joey smiles and says nothing. Justin is outta my line of sight. Chris crosses his arms. "Damnit, JC, keep it in your pants."
"I did. She's the one wanting. That kiss we just shared is her way of expressing that she does."
Chris sticks his hands in his pockets. "Seriously, Sam."
I look at him and whisper in JC's ear. "Je veux t'enculer."
I sit back and bite my lip. JC smiles. "I know, my beautiful mystery. Can you wait till we're alone?" I pout. He gives me a quick kiss. As he pulls away, I put my left hand on his face and get him to look at me again and I kiss him with pure emotion and wanting.
Lance must be surprised. "Whoa! JC, can you breathe? Sam, can you?" JC has both hands on my hips, holding me. "JC, I know she has a beautiful body but we're still visiting." Neither of us can really hear any of them. We start sharing smaller and shorter kisses after a little while. "Still breathing?" JC and I nod as he wraps his arms around me. "Why does she do that, JC?"

I have my head against his chest and I have my arms between us. He looks at me. "Why does she do what?"
"The way she kissed you."
"That was the first time I got that kiss from her."
I look at Lance and smile peacefully. "I think I know why. Nevermind. I've seen that look on her face before."
"What look?" I look at JC. "That's the same look she has after we make love."
"Same look she gets when she thinks or talks about you. Same look she gets when she hears your name or voice or sees you."
Joey looks at me. "She really does feel that strong for him. I got a question for her."
I look at Joey. "Maybe I have an answer."
Joey smiles. "Why JC? Would you cheat, if you could get away with it if you were his girlfriend? Do you expect him to pay for all your bills?"
I sit up. "JC caught my eye when he was still a mouseketeer, in 92. His personality, patience, smile, intelligence and eyes. Always thinking. Cheating won't happen if he doesn't accuse me of it and keeps my attn, which isn't hard for him. I haven't slept with even my soon to be ex in the past six months. JC has been the only one getting any since I moved to LA. JC pay my bills? The only one he does cover is my iPod service. He won't let me pay for it. The rest of my bills are just that, MY bills. Just to cover this base, even if we lived together, I would still pay my own cell bill and help him with the rest. I wouldn't expect it."
"Ok, makes sense. What's he mean to you?"
"Brighter days, friendship, intelligent conversation, peacefulness, and he's just everything I need and want. His personality and intelligence mean the absolute most to me. He's Josh to me."
"So, you don't care if he was struggling to be found?"
"Nope. Cuz he's Josh. He is just very honest and sweet with the things that mean more. Things like time with me and the kids, cuddling, talking."
Joey smiles. "That's why you never ask for anything."
"What do you mean?"

"About a week ago, he was at my place and he put you on speaker. He asked what you wanted for Christmas, your birthday, valentine's and mother's day. You said time with him, a kiss, a hug if he could. If he was gonna see his family, a text or phone call from him."
"Yeah? I remember that. What about it?" I shrug.
"Is that all you ever want from him? Other than *ahem* that."
"To talk to him, spend time with him and know he's alive. I have the best days when he laughs. I love his laugh. The harder and longer he laughs, the better my day is." I smile.
"That's why you say whatever you do to get him laughing."
I nod. "Yeah, it's the only reason. We both need to laugh and I love hearing him crack up."
"Even when he can't stop laughing?"
"Yeah. That laugh makes me laugh harder."
"You been around long enough not to be too bothered by it, but it will get on your nerves after a little while longer. We miss it so it's not so bad. But in a couple more months, the four of us will start getting annoyed by his long laughing fits."
"I end up laughing with him when I hear him laugh."
"Sam, you've practically moved in here. It's not obvious till we check the back shelf of his closet and bottom drawer in one of his dressers."
"How do you know?"

JC shrugs. "I asked him to find something I needed a couple weeks ago. For one of the nights we went out."
I nod. "Ok. Why was he helping you?"
"It was the bracelet I got a couple months back." He touches the bracelet I always wear on my left wrist. "I forgot where I hid it and asked Joey and Lance to help me find it. Lance found it and asked about why there was some of your clothes and the kids' clothes here. I just shrugged and said because the four of you stay here sometimes."
Lance is thinking back. He laughs. "I remember saying something about you pretty much live together. He told me no and that you respect his space."
I laugh. "James, I asked if I could keep a couple sets of clothes here, in case it was a school night."
"Explains the kids' clothes. But all YOUR clothes?"
I look down. "I'd wash em and forget where I put them."
JC smiles. "I'd put em in a drawer or on that shelf, thinking she would take em home. She would take the clothes she found home, but never really looked for em."
Justin laughs. "Man, that's not ok! You're supposed to be the one who stays single unless he's having a fling with a chick. You're getting attached. Lance might be the bachelor."
JC smiles. "So, I'm getting attached. Maybe there won't be a bachelor out of us. Maybe there's actually something between us and we just don't see it."
Lance thinks as JC says the maybes on his mind. "Maybe she's the one meant just for him and they were supposed to go through everything they have just to lead to each other. Maybe she's just gonna break his heart or he'll just end up breaking hers" he looks at Josh and I as we look at him like he's the ipitomy of evil "which I highly doubt will happen. Maybe this is to learn from, for all of us. Maybe this is his forever. Maybe they'll end up being together for life. Maybe just a few years. Maybe they'll get married. Maybe they won't. Maybe they'll have more kids together. Who knows, other than God?"

JC looks at me. "Can you get pregnant?"
"Yeah. We can talk about that later, Josh." He nods and smiles. I look at Lance. "I'm hoping we do take it to the next step, but only when we're both ready. I'm not rushing from one relationship to another. Might take six more months, a year or five. When we feel like we are ready, we'll know when the time is right. I appreciate and care about Josh, but I can't say the three words that need to be said. I can't even say I'd hypothetically be with him. I love how he makes me feel, talks with me, encourages me, helps me, spends time with me" I look at JC and smile "kisses me, holds me close, cuddles me, comforts me, loves my kids, cares about them, encourages them, and how he's always there for us. I couldn't ask for a better person in my life. I have things I appreciate and love when it comes down to each of you. I just feel stronger emotions for Josh and we clicked for one reason or fifty. Either way, when the time is right, we will tell each other. Chris, stop bustin our balls about us being us. You're a great guy and I love how much energy you have and how you and Mikal have bonded. He calls you 'uncle' cuz he sees you like an uncle. His choice. James, both boys love when you stop by or take em out. It's their time to goof off and have fun. You always do something they like. Justin, the kids love when we go out with you cuz you make everything fun and they laugh the whole time. They love when you read to them. They say you 'Justinize' their stories. They thought of it. Joey, they love you cuz you're so much fun and so hands-on with them. All four of you make sure they're safe, loved and what needs taken care of is dealt with. Homework is always done. Chris, Joey and Justin, you have unique ways of handling Mikal's attn span when it comes to homework. James, you're just so very patient. I know in the past six months I've learned so much from each of you, the five of you. Josh, I appreciate how patient you are with me and the kids. At times, I honestly wonder how you can keep your cool when everything is just going crazy. I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with all the time. I know I tend to be annoying sometimes. I worry too much sometimes. You're so strong in so many ways. I just appreciate you in so many ways and as a person and best friend."

Tears start falling, he wipes them from my face and holds me close. "I can tell you love who we are and appreciate us. You try to go out of your way to help us."
Lance rubs my back. "I can tell you wanna say the words but you're just scared to. We know you both love each other. You're both scared to say the words that would make it possible to go to the next level. We know you've been fooling around, but exclusive to each other. You both want to say what you feel, but can't yet. You both appreciate each other. Sam, here's why JC went three days without talking to you five months ago-we bet he couldn't last a week without talking to you. He would pace back and forth, on the phone with one of us, saying after the first day he was missing you and needed to call or text you. We tried to convince him that he didn't need to. The whole three days he didn't talk TO you, he talked ABOUT you. From what he loves about you, to why he feels how he does, to why not talking to you was making him anxious. You would text him every morning when you'd wake up and just before bed. Things like 'I miss you. I miss talking to you. I miss how you hold and kiss me.' I tried to change the subject and he'd find a way to loop it back to you. Everything leads to you. He can't even think of one thing that doesn't somehow lead to a conversation involving you."

JC thinks. "Cars, wait, no. Video games, no. Writing, no. Texting, no. Sex, you come to mind then too. Kids, no."
Lance and Joey shake their heads. Justin finally has something to say. "Sam, I've only seen him get like this maybe three times ever. You're the third. Watch this. JC, I'm gonna say a word and you say the first thing or thought that comes to mind, ready?"
JC looks at Justin. "When you are."
"Cars."
"Sam working on em."
"Blue eyes."
"Sam and the kids."
"Energy."
"Sam and the kids"
"Sex."
"Sam, under the stars."
Justin looks weirded out. "Phone calls, enjoyable ones."
"Sam."
"This one might not lead to you. Touring."
"You guys and the difference if we had met when she was younger."
Justin hangs his head. "Studio sessions."
"Sam being a goof during one of the sessions with an artist I was working with. She had them laughing."
"Pink."
"Aaliyah."
"Fire trucks."
"Sam's boys."
"Your house."
"The things Sam and I have done in this house." I smile.

"See what I mean, Sam? Everything leads to you. Even touring and studio sessions."
I kiss JC and smile. I put my forehead on his. He smiles, puts his hand on the side of my face and strokes my face, following my freckles from my nose to my cheekbone with his thumb. His eyes never leave mine. "I just wanna tell you so bad."
"I know. I can see it in your eyes, feel it in your kisses, when you touch me." I kiss him and a tear falls.
"Every time you kiss me like that, tears fall."
"It's because I wanna tell you but the words won't come to me."
He kisses me with more emotion than usual again. He licks his lips. I look at him and kiss him with all my emotions. He pulls me close. "It's gonna be awhile before we say it, isn't it?"
"Yeah. Sorry."
"Don't be. There are ways we can show it. I'm hoping it's enough until we can say it."
Lance watches how we really are. "There's nothing but pure emotion between you. You both wanna tell each other and neither of you are that impulsive about this kind of thing."
I bite my lip and nod. JC follows the line of freckles again with his thumb. "So bad. I wanna tell her but I don't know how to say it. Just how to show her."

"Guys, I think we should let them be. They need to figure alot out." Lance gets up and puts my hand in JC's. "One of us will check on you later. Take your time and figure it out. Remember, May."
I get up and JC stands up after I start toward the door. He stands behind me, holding me close. They head out and the two of us go in the kitchen. I sit on his counter and he stands between my legs, holding me close and not caring who sees. It's somewhere around seven. His cell phone rings. He looks at the caller ID and sighs. "Hello? No, I know that. It's Friday. Yeah, now's not a good time. No, Randy. I'll call you Monday. Uh, it's personal. Yes, Monday. Won't forget. Here, in front of me. I wish I could. I swear I'm being honest. He doesn't think I have you here with me."
"Hi. How are you?"
"Yes, that's the woman I've been talking about. Ok. Thanks. Bye."
JC holds me close again. My cell rings and he tries to grab it for me. "Leave it. If it's that important, they'll leave a message or text me. If they have your number, they'll call you."
"Who would have my number, other than Nick and the guys?"
"Dawn."
His cell phone rings and he looks at me. I shrug. He checks his phone. "Speaking of your best friend from home." I roll my eyes. "Want me to answer?" I shrug. He answers as he kisses me. "Hello? I'm sure she's around here somewhere. Yes." He puts his cell on speaker and we kiss.
Dawn is trying to be patient. "Find her yet?"
I try not to laugh and kiss JC. He shakes his head. "Nope, not yet." We keep kissing.
"Usually, you have more to say, JC. What happened? You guys fighting?"
He puts his hand on the side of my face. "Nothing happened and we're far from fighting." He leans toward me and starts kissing me again.
"Is she ok?"
He pulls away. "She's better than ok." We start kissing again.
"Why is it taking you so long to find her, then?"

He pulls away, smiling. "I don't know." He starts the French kisses and we start making out.
"Are you kissing her?" She waits a couple minutes for an answer. "JC, pull yourself off my sister for about 5 minutes. I'd appreciate it."
He pulls away and I sigh. "What's up buzz kill?"
"What would you say if I told you me and Rob are having a baby?"
"Come again?"
"What would you say if I told you Rob and I were having a baby?"
"You're pregnant?"
"Yes."
"How far?"
"3 weeks, almost four."
"Oh, Dawn, I'm so excited for you!!!"
"I wanna hear some good news from you."
"Josh and I played songs for each other and we know we feel the same about each other." I wrap my legs around him.
"Did you say the words?"
"Neither of us can get the words out." I bite my lip. Josh gives me a quick kiss.
"JC, just tell her. Blurt it out. You can do it."
He gives me a quick kiss. "We've been showing how we feel through kisses and our eyes. The words just won't come out of our mouths."
"It's a start. So are you dating and together together?"
I shake my head. "No. It's too soon. James is giving us till May to tell each other and if we don't, he's gonna tell us what the other feels. It's starting to get to him."

"Forget waiting until May, I'm doing it now. Sam, you love him and he loves you. He asked me to wait till you officially walked away from the thing, at least. I did and now you both know. You are both so supportive of each other and need each other. JC, if it wasn't for you she wouldn't have walked away with her head held high. Sam, if it wasn't for you he wouldn't be as happy as he is. Neither of you can be without the other, we all know it. Over the past six months, I've talked to Lance, Chris, Nick, Aaron, Justin, AJ, Lauren, and JC. I know what's in both of your hearts and minds. About five months ago, Justin dared JC to go a week without talking to you. By the time the second day started, all he could talk about was you. He knows where all your scars, freckles, your curves are, and loves every imperfection. He sees the stretch marks from the kids and it reminds him of your strength and persistence. He sees the beauty under it all. When you reach your boiling point, he loves pulling you close because he knows that when he's close, he can calm you down and loves to see you smile. Girl, he's let you straight up scream at him over everything, try to push him away and he just holds you closer, and spends all the time he can with you and the kids. Tell him."

Josh and I have been looking in each other's eyes the whole time. He kisses me. "I want to, I really fucking do. I can't find the words. I don't know how to word it." I hang my head.
"JC, you should tell her how you feel."
"Every time I try, I puss out. The words are there, but they won't pass my lips. I wanna tell her so badly, but the words just won't come out."
She sighs. "Gah! Well, I'm gonna let you guys go."
"Ok. Congrats. Love and miss ya."
"Thanks. Love and miss ya both. Kiss the kids for me."
"We will." We hang up and look at each other. JC smiles and sighs. "We know for sure that we will get to the next level."
"Yeah."
"Come on, let's go lay down. You look exhausted."
"Why am I tired when I slept almost half the day?"
"It's probably because of the morphine." He helps me down from the counter, pulls me close and kisses me.
I look at him after the kiss, bite my bottom lip and put my head on his chest. "Can we stay here tonight?"
"Sure." He rubs my back, steps back, takes my left hand and smiles. "Come on. We need to talk about a few things anyway. If you fall asleep on me, it's ok."

We head to his room and he lays down on his back. I climb on the bed, lay next to him, put my head on his chest and interlock my fingers with his. I'm laying belly down with my right hand on his arm and my left leg intertwined with his legs. I look at him. "I know everything has been kind of chaotic for the past six months, for us both. More so when it comes to emotionally. I thought I built an indestructible wall around my heart until I met you. You convinced me that you see me for who I am and took the time to reassure me that I mean more than so many other things. You reassured me today the most. We feel the same about each other and I hate feeling like this and not being able to say how I feel when it comes to you."

"To be absolutely honest, Josh, I never really knew how to express my emotions. I've always been guarded. Always scared to let anyone have this much of me and hope this long that you feel the same about me and not wanna run away, outta fear."
"I wanna tell you everything that I love about you and how I feel, but nothing ever comes out."
"When I try to tell you how I feel, I can only smile. Every kiss we share makes me wanna tell you more and more. When we make love, I put my all into it. Every emotion I feel, I channel into it."
"Is that why you pull me close? I thought I heard you say something that sounded like graim thu. You whispered in it my ear a few times."
I smile, remembering the times I did. "Yeah. You heard right. Those were best nights, like that night a month ago. Under the stars."
"It's been in the past couple months and I've been wondering what it means."
"I'm not sure if I can say it right now. I know I can't get myself to say it in English, French or Spanish cuz you'd know right away and those won't cross my lips for some reason."
"What language is it in?"
"Gaelic. I don't know why it crosses my lips then, but every time I've said it, I mean it."

"You take the time to teach yourself different languages just to use them to your advantage."
I look at the door so he can't see the tears I'm fighting back. "I use them to protect myself. I feel safer when I know what I'm saying but others don't. I'm scared to open up and tell anyone."
He rubs my back. I look at him and he smiles. "I'm scared fucking shitless to say the words we both wanna say and hear. I admit it. Everyone close to us knows it. Lil Man, he fucking blew my mind last night when I tucked him in. He looked me dead in my face and said I should tell you from my heart. To stop being so scared."
I put my chin on my hand so we are almost face to face. "Aaliyah got me last night too. These are her words, I promise. 'Mommy, you and Josh love each other, lots. Why don't you just tell him? You wanna say it, he wants to hear it from you. He wants to say it and you wanna hear it from him. He wants to be a part of our life. Tell him.' She rolled over and went to sleep after that."
"Weren't those two huddling and whispering most of the evening?"
"Yeah, they were. They planned it. Traitors." I sit up and shake my head.
JC snaps up and grabs something from his dresser. I look at him, curious. He hands me a journal I've been keeping since we came to LA. The ribbon is at a certain page. "Demitryus left this on my bed this morning."
"That booger."
"Read the marked pages. They're folded down."
I read the first entry. 'I met him. He is so much sweeter than I ever imagined. We had a very interesting conversation. A few anyway. Met Justin-he threw me in the pool. It's ok. Met NC-training five days a week to get in shape.
Back to JC. He is very sweet. Intense personality, big heart and well, I think it's more than a crush now. He's very good at MANY things-kissing, dancing, making love, intelligent conversation. I'm having him spend a little time here, at the apt. Hoping this works out. He's such a good friend. He makes me smile all the time. I'm even ok with it just us being friends who do what we do on the sly.'

I read the second one, the dates are about three weeks apart. 'I know how I feel about him. I'm even scared to write it. I'm starting to think he might actually like me more than he says. He told James that he wants to tell me something and it's a very good thing, I'll wanna hear it. I wanna be excited but I don't wanna get my hopes up either. I know Josh is guarded with his emotions and understand why. He does need his space and I understand. I love his laugh, it's contagious. He's always so gentle when he touches me, holds me. I think Nick is right. We'll see where this takes us. I look fwd to tomorrow.'

Almost two weeks after that is another marked one. 'Haven't gotten an answer from Josh all day. Hope he's ok. I wonder if I did something to upset him? Maybe he got sick? I hope not. Maybe-I'm gonna stop thinking about it cuz he'll let me know he's ok when he can. I guess I'm just gonna send him a text in the am and one at night saying I miss him.'
The next one is the second day of not hearing from him. 'Day two. No word on or from him. Sent two texts saying I miss him. Hope everything is ok. No answer, no work and no time with him. I miss our talks, his kisses, his touch, his smile. Hope he's doing ok.'

Third day of him not talking to me. 'Now I'm really worried. Third full day with no word. Called Justin and Nick. They haven't heard from him either. They told me he does have spurts of creativity and it can last up to a week. Hope this is the case. That he is ok and just having a creative spurt. Josh, I hope you're ok and I miss you.'

The next one is when he called me. 'Josh called me at 4am, which woke me up. He's fine. Nick and Justin were right. He apologized for not answering sooner. Talked to him while I got the kids ready and off to school. We spent the day, cuddling and talking. He fell asleep on me around ten and woke up around four, he smelled the homemade Chinese I was making him. Made rice, lo mein, chicken, and baked shrimp. He said it was very good and really liked it. But I can't cook. Lol. Guess when creativity calls, sleep is forgotten and you're focused. Felt good to spend the day with him, talk to him, and have him hold me again.'

The last marked one was from the night before. 'Spending tonight with Josh and the kids at his house. James took Chubba out. Nick has Mikal and Aaliyah with him and Lauren. They went to the park. Josh is writing lyrics across from me. Sitting here at his counter, trying to write-I'm just gonna say that neither of us can focus on what we're writing. I promise I'm gonna tell him every emotion I feel for him, when the time is right and when I think I'm ready. I know he feels strongly for me. It's good cuz he smiles every time he looks at me. Tomorrow is the day. We grab the last of what the kids and I need for the new apt. Hope it goes smoothly. Oh, one last note. I'm pretty sure I love him. Yeah, I'm talking about Josh. Still too scared to say it. Six months of fooling around and getting close to each other and I'm too scared to say it to him? If he sees this before I tell him, someone ratted me out.'
I look at JC. "You read them?"
"Yes." He unfolds the corners and points to the stars and hearts. "Obviously, the kids even agree with this, us."
"They also plotted what they were telling us for at least a couple hours, maybe longer."
"So, you knew all day today?"
He nods. "I can wait to hear you say it because between reading it and the songs, I know how you feel the same about me as I feel about you. It took you six months to write it once, which shows how emotionally guarded you are. I respect that. I haven't even written it yet. I have been inspired by you and the kids. The four of you mean so much to me."
"Really?"

"Yeah. I love when the kids spend the night or weekend here. Makes me think of when I was a kid. My parents are just like us."
"Oh, no."
He smiles. "Not like that. I mean how we encourage them and always praise them but somehow keep them in line and well behaved."
I smile. "They should be told the opposite of what I heard from most of my family for the majority of my childhood. I'd rather tell them to try and it be a bust. They wanna be doctors and vets, so I remind them that even singers finish school. Some actors go to college. I refuse to tell my kids they can't do something because I'm not sure if they can. I wanna see them try and remind them that they are smart and can do anything their hearts and imaginations can conjure up. All they have to do is apply themselves and work hard."
"Is that why Aaliyah asked how hard I worked to get to where I am now? It was a few months ago."
I smile. "Most likely. She decided to argue that you didn't work that hard to get what you have. I said I watched how much hard work went into your skits and shows and performances. She said you didn't work that hard. I told her to ask you. What'd you tell her?"
"I pulled out the home movies from when we started out, during each of the tour rehearsals, the tours themselves, and live performances. Even some of our studio sessions and interviews. I have a couple of em from video shoots. All courtesy of Joey."
I nod. "Kinda figured. Josh, can I tell you something?"
He holds my hands. "You can tell me anything."

"I thought you wouldn't give me the time of day, up until we met. I couldn't believe that you gave me the attn you did. You surprised me cuz of what I had heard. I know it sounds ridiculous. Remember the first time I sat on your counter and you stood right in front of me?"
"I kissed you and you could only say 'worse'. I thought it was a great thing."
"Someone called you and you kept your eyes on me. Part of me wanted to scoot as far back as I could on the counter and hug my knees. Another part of me wanted you to take me home. But most of all I wanted you to kiss me again and want me."
I look down and he moves closer to me. He puts his hand on the side of my face and I look at him. He kisses me and smiles. "I wanted you from the moment you asked about us being close friends. More when I kissed you. Even more when I saw how intelligent you are. Even more when you kissed me back. More when you said we could make love. More when you told Chris you only want me. More when you are honest. When you switch your hips. When you say you wanna do our thing. When we actually make love. When you wear tight jeans and skirts. When you smile and laugh. When we talk. When you make me laugh. When we're together."
I smile, knowing he's being honest. "We have so much to figure out and sort through."
"Would you cheat on me?"
"Not a chance."
"Lie to me?"
"Depends on if it's a surprise. If it is, I would. I can't lie about anything else."
"I don't have anything keeping me from asking you out."
I wasn't sure if I heard him right. "Huh?"
"Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Yes. On one condition-keep it from everyone for eight months. If you can do that, we will tell James and Nick. Then three months from then, next August, we can tell everyone."
"You know I can't keep secrets."
I look at him. "You'll learn." I give him a kiss.
"Who can I tell?"
"Your parents, brother, sister. Family."
"Family?"
"Actually related to you family."
He snaps his fingers. "Damn."
"I know you consider James, Joey, Justin and Chris your brothers. I can't even tell Dawn. Just to be fair."
"Ok, I say we tell nobody and keep everyone in the dark."
I hear my cell ring and check the bottom of the bed. Fell outta my front pocket when I climbed on the bed. I lay on my belly to pick it up from the floor. I look at the caller ID as I roll onto my back with my head hanging off the edge. Josh is outta my line of view. I answer the phone cuz it's Aaron. "How ya holding up? How goes the figuring shit between you and JC out?"
"I'm good. We're talking shit through. Who told you?"
"Lance told Nick. You know how I found out."
I pull my knees back so my feet are near my butt and my legs are about a foot and a half apart at my knees. JC slips between my legs and hovers above me. He gives me a kiss. "I do... Now." I roll my eyes, realizing I almost gave away the fact that we just started dating.
"Right. Are you still fuck buddies or is it on the next level?"

JC is kissing my neck, knowing I give him some faster. "The first one. Uh, we aren't ready to take it to the next level" I giggle "quite yet. Um, can I ooohhh call you back?"
"Are you in the middle of it or something?"
"Josh is teasing me." I push him so he's laying down and I straddle him. I look at him and shake my head. "I got it. What else is on your mind?"
"You guys gonna go out to the club?"
Josh sits up and holds me close, kissing my neck and flips me onto my back again. "Uh, hey, Josh, stop, please. Are we going to the club tonight?"
He looks at me. "We can, if you want to." He goes back to kissing my neck.
My back arches as I take in a sharp breath. "We'll call you when we decide."
"Ok, later."
"Yeah, la-hey-ter." I hang up and let my cell drop to the floor. "Not fair." I feel him undoing my jeans and I slide my hands down his body. I grab onto his belt loops, pulling him as close as I can. Someone knocks on his door.
He gets up, clearly frustrated. His cell rings. "Hello? I'm home." I kiss him. He wraps his arm around me, holding me close. "I have my girlfriend over right now. Not really. Not that kind of girlfriend, the female friend kind. Now, isn't a good time, AJ. No, Sam is here." He scoots so he's sitting against the headboard. "Can it wait a few hours?" I straddle and kiss him, doing body waves. "I kinda can't walk away from her right now. Nah, she's sitting on my lap, kissing me. I'm gonna do what? Beautiful, AJ wants to talk to me."
"Yeah?" I kiss him.
"He says he wants to talk now and that you should let me up."
I stop doing body waves and look at him. "Only one way that's gonna happen."
"What's that? AJ, shut up."
I whisper in his ear. "You gotta get me going and get me off more than once when we make love."
I sit back up. He smiles. "Fair. I can do that. Back to back right?"
"Yes."

"I can definitely do that. I'll be done in a minute, AJ." He hangs up and kisses me so I lean back. He lays me down, kisses my neck, grinds me and quickly gets up to talk to AJ.
"Uuuuuuuggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!" I walk downstairs and look AJ in his face. "I don't like you right now." I go sit on the couch.
AJ's confused. "Why is she upset?" JC smiles. "She didn't get dick? That's her problem? Nick sent me. Castrate him."
I look at AJ. "Not just that. It's how Josh got me to let him get up after he hung up with you."
JC smiles again. "I kissed her till she laid down, I grinded and kissed her neck. I got up as fast as I could to answer the door."
AJ shakes his head. "Big mistake. Did that once to my monkee and she was pissed till she got what she wanted. It was a bitch to make it happen."
JC shakes his head. "Not for me. I know what she wants and it's like a challenge."
AJ looks at me and I smile. He looks at JC. "Man, ya see that smile on her face?"
JC looks at me and smiles back. "Yeah, what about it?"
"She ain't gonna make it as easy as you think. I don't know how she plans on doing that but she won't make it easy for you."

I walk over to JC and motion for him to come closer. He leans closer to me and I kiss him. I grab his belt loops and pull him closer. He pulls away and smiles. "Make sure to count how many times I say 'Taim ag teacht'. Those count and you know when my body's gettin ready to." I bite my bottom lip and giggle. I walk to the kitchen, making sure to switch my hips. I get a bottled water and sit on the stairs, leaning against the wall. I look at AJ and smile.
AJ shakes his head. "That's her rules. You're screwed. What is she talking about with the taim thing? And she's playing hardball."
"When she is about to cum, sometimes she says 'taim ag teach'. Other than that, I know her body."
"Six months and you haven't learned how she thinks yet?"
"She's like a mystery. I'm still learning."
"Dude, fuck learning. She's gonna let you get her close and then she's most likely gonna make it hard for you to get her off. You don't get a chick you're sleeping with or dating wanting it and jump up like you did. Huge fucking mistake."
I smile at them. "He loves when I make that hard."
"She's gonna make it harder than usual." I shrug and bite my lip. AJ looks at me. "Nick said that the boys are calling in ten minutes."
"Nick sent you for that?"
"Yes."
"Tell him I said 'asshole'. He should know why. Then, if he can't, tell him what you just learned."
He calls Nick and has him on speaker. "AJ, you tell her?"
"Yeah, I did. She said asshole."
"I don't know why."
"They were about to fuck."
I roll my eyes. "Make love. Fuck is when there's no emotion to it, just a booty call."
Nick and JC crack up. "AJ, she isn't a girl that does booty calls."
Nick laughs even harder. "You just got schooled old man."
I smile. "Old man? Nick, you getting there too."
"Fuck off. You've been banging JC and he's older than me."
"By three and a half years. Or something like that."
"He's almost ten years older than you."
"So? He knows how to get me off faster than anyone has."
"How long you been having sex?"
"About 15 years."
"You serious?"

"Yeah. Dead serious."
"I'm gonna talk to you Monday. JC, I'm kidnapping her on Monday."
"If I say no?"
"Tough shit. I gotta pick her brain. Maybe do DNA."
"It's up to her."
JC and AJ look at me. "Sure. You can have fun picking my brain. Just to let you know, it's like a rubik's cube."
"I will. I love rubik's cubes."
"Not this one."
"I'll call you back later, AJ." Nick hangs up.
AJ shrugs. "15 years? That's long enough to learn some tricks."
I nod. I get up to get my cell phone. AJ heads out and JC comes upstairs. My cell phone rings and Nick's house number pops up. "Hey."
"I'm talking to you about the age you were when you started doing that on Monday. Here's Lil Man."
"Hey, Chubba. Havin fun at Nick and Lauren's?"
"Tons! We had barbecue for dinner. Are you ok mommy?"
"JC is taking good care of me. I'm good."
"Good. I'm getting tired. Here's Mikal."
"Hi, ma. Nick told me what dad did to your wrist."
I close my eyes. "Yeah. I have a cast on. They fixed it already. I'll be ok."
"He said JC is taking very good care of you and that they gave you medicine to make it not hurt. The medicine made you sleepy."
"Yes. But I slept enough to not have it in my body."
"That's good. We played with their puppies."
"Yeah? What did you play?"
"We played fetch with them and gave them belly rubs."
"I bet that was fun."
"Yeah. Nick's putting on Fast Five. I'll talk to you tomorrow. We love you."
"I love you boys."

Nick takes the phone. "Nevermind waiting till Monday, let's get this outta the way now. Did your mom know you were active when you were eleven?"
"Nope. She didn't even know I'm bi until I told her the summer I was 15. She told me that she raised me better than that."
"How many guys were active with?"
"Less than ten since I started."
"Name them."
"Some are nicknames and most of them were near my age. Jesus, Bebe, Kurt, Dan, my ex, Jen, Bekah, another girl I've known since I was in second grade, and Josh."
"JC is the sixth guy and three girls?"
"Yup. I knew each of them for two years or longer before sleeping with them. Josh is the exception."
"How long did you know each of them?"
"Jesus and Bebe, I knew them for almost five years. Kurt, 14, 15 years. Dan, nine years. Bekah and the other girl, close to 8 years. Jen, was about 2 years. My ex, almost two years before we got married. Does that count?"
"You married your ex before you gave it to him?"
"Yup."
"That one doesn't count either way. How many guys did you date?"
"TJ, Jason, another kid from Leominster, my ex..."
"You and JC dating? Is that why you stopped?"
"Uh, no. We are talking about it, though."
"Bullshit."
"No, really."
"Yeah, I'm Marilyn Monroe, then."
"Hi, Marilyn. How's it feel after your dirt nap?"
"Now I know you're serious."

"I was with TJ for almost a year. Jason, was 2 1/2 months. My ex, I was with him for eleven years. The kid from Leominster, about a month."
"There's two or three years where you weren't with anyone."
"Yeah. What about those years?"
"Were you with anyone then?"
"Not sexually. The first two were before I was with TJ. The rest, were when my ex and I broke it off for short periods. More than two weeks. I had his permission."
"What if you and JC do get together?"
"If JC and I do date, I'm staying true to him. Like I have been. There is only one person I want and I see him all the time. I get enough in every way possible-mentally, physically and emotionally. There is nobody else."
"Because you have too many eyes on you."
"No, I wanna be faithful to him. I'm done with the bullshit games."
"If you say so."
"I do say so." JC is sitting against the headboard again. I crawl over to him and straddle him again.
"Honestly, would you really be faithful to him, even if he said you had his ok to sleep with someone else?"
"Yes, I would be faithful to him, even if he said I could fuck someone else."
"Holy shit. You really are serious about being exclusively with JC."
"Yeah. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Alright. Later."
I hang up and kiss JC. He looks at me. "Are you really gonna be faithful?"
"Yes. No matter how hard it is."
"Do you have anybody else you think is cute?"
"Megan Fox and Taylor Lautner. Chaske Spencer."
"Oh."
"Why, baby?"
"Well, the VMAs are next week. I want you to go with me."
"You sure?"

"Absolutely. Please go with me."
"I just broke my wrist."
"There's a way to hide it."
"Sure."
He kisses me. He pulls me close by my hips. My cell rings. It's Joey's number. "Hey."
"Aaliyah wanted to call to say good night."
"Ok. Thanks again, Joey."
"You're welcome."
"Hi, mommy."
"You have fun at Joey's?"
"Yeah. Is Josh taking care of you?"
"Yes, he is, baby girl."
"I love you, mommy. Night."
"I love you too. Nighters. Sleep tight."
"Talk to you tomorrow."
"Anytime you wanna talk and you're with Joey, call."
"I will mommy. Bye."
"Bye." She hangs up.
"Why the VMAs?"

He smiles and kisses me. "I wanna go and I wanna start a rumor or thirty."
"Babe. That's not nice." I think for a second. "Why would you wanna start rumors?"
"All you have to do is go with me and us kiss and hold hands while we're there. Nobody has heard much from me in a few years. Maybe Lautner will be there?"
I make a 'c'mon, really' face at him. "The most I will do is probably hug him, say something nerdish and stand close to you."
He looks at me funny. "Nerdish?"
"Something like 'I hugged Jacob. How's Charlie?' I'm a Twilight fan. There's Twilight fans like me who's read 3 outta four books and waits for the movie to come out on disc. I follow it on Facebook and sometimes read the 'diary' entries. I don't care for the merchandise. I like the movies and books but I control it. Twihards are people that have all the merchandise, movies, books and see the movies the night they go to theaters."
"Ok. It's kinda like the whole Transformers thing."
"Yeah. And StarTrek. Transformers is cool, I would watch that anyday over StarTrek."
He laughs. "What about the Fast And Furious series?"
"Now we're talking movies. I LOVE cars. Especially fast and sexy cars! Want it bad? Believe it or not, a souped up 'Stang or Camero is sure fire once I hear that engine rev and see it. Some oldies get me too."
"I saw you work on Nick's Ford and it looked natural."
"I looked up the problem online the night before, told him what parts to get and helped him install em. I even looked up how to do it. I love working on 'Stangs. I'd rather be covered in motor grease and you come up from behind, just to hold me."
He smiles. "Just try not to get it on me. I don't like grease."
"Oh, c'mon! It's so much fun working on cars."
"Maybe we can look into something for a project to work on together."
I shrug. "First things first-VMAs. Do I have to be dressed up?"
"Nope, not everyday clothes either."
"Hooded shirt or a long sleeve shirt."
"You can probably find something that will be nice. I'm going to a fitting tomorrow."
"Where?"

"The Dolce store. He wants me to wear something from him."
"Can I tag along?"
"If you plan on going with me next week, you need to."
"Ok. Then, that's settled."
"Baby, you've gone down to a size 8 or 9, in junior's. You were beautiful before and still are. Just because most of the movie and music industry women are size negative fives, you don't have to be. I like curves, confidence and intelligence. I don't care what anyone has to say about us. We fought this long and hard to be this close. You are beautiful, inside and out."
"You think so?"
"I know so. I see it everyday. I love when I wake up beside you. I love your freckles, your lips, your body. I love everything about you." He kisses me as his cell rings. He rolls his eyes. "Lala, how are you? No, I'm staying in with someone. Not exactly." He laughs. "She is sweet and I do like her. She and I are just talking about whether we should be together. I know it's been a few years. Yes, she will be going with me to the awards show. She has outstanding blue eyes. Most likely. I don't think she would be comfortable leaving my side that night. We just recently met and we are very close. Ok, see you next week." He hangs up. "Tired?"
"Yeah. Might have to raincheck the challenge till tomorrow."
"Come on, lay down." I lay down and he scoots down so we can cuddle. He starts listing every little thing he loves about me.

I wake up a couple hours later and he's nowhere near me. I get up and hear him talking to someone downstairs. I check the clock on my cell. Almost 11:30 at night. Just over three hours. I shrug and head downstairs.
"She might be the one for me, man." I'm halfway down the stairs.
I hear a familiar voice. "JC, she's gonna have to deal with you not always being right there. Say you're called to record in NY and it's a new artist."

I hear another voice, this one sounds familiar. "Man, she's got ya wrapped around her finger. She's after more than she's letting on. I don't think she even cares about you at all."
I walk into the kitchen. I give JC a kiss. "Hey, love." I turn around and see Tyrese and Shad (aka Bow Wow). I walk over to them both and shake their hands, looking them in their eyes. "How have you two been?"
They look at JC. Tyrese speaks up first. "I've been good."
I look at Shad. "I've been well." He sizes me up. "I don't think you give a fuck about JC as a person."
"Shad, I understand that you're weary of JC and I doing what we do and talking about being together, but you need to realize he has seen me go through hell over the past six months. I saved my money to do what I did today. I clean his house top to bottom. I don't ask him for anything except his time, attn and to be a friend. If he told me he needed to go to NY last minute for whatever the reason, I would fully support it, be faithful and wait for him to come home. I would answer my cell phone every time he called, answer his texts, and still go about my normal days. Even if he called at three in the morning, I would answer his phone call. I have been nothing but honest with him. I plan on being honest with him. If we were to be together, I'd be faithful. He deserves that. I have an idea of how he feels and I respect that. He means so much to me and it's all things you can't buy."

I have Tyrese's full attn now. He smirks. "Like what? Name some of them."
I walk over to JC and look at him. I smile and he holds me close, facing me. Shad and Tyrese can see our faces. I focus on JC's eyes. "I love how he holds me, kisses me, makes love with me, laughs, smiles, caresses me, cuddles to me. Our conversations, how my heart races when he's around. I love how he makes me feel, emotionally supports me, plays with the kids, how he is with my kids and how he's been nothing short of amazing. His honesty, humility, intelligence, heart and patience."
Tyrese is silent. Shad is pissed. "I still don't believe you."
I shrug and look at him. "Then don't believe my words. Believe my actions. Your loss for not understanding." JC touches my face and makes me look at him. He kisses me and I kiss him back as I step closer to him. I pull his shirt toward me and he wraps his arms around me. I wrap my arms around him and our bodies are intertwined.
Tyrese is surprised. "Shad, that's love. They're lost in the moment. They could probably kiss until the end of time. JC, you ok?"
I feel him raise a hand for a second and put it on my hip. He puts his other hand on my other hip as we share smaller kisses. Our foreheads are touching and our eyes lock. We smile and he kisses me one more time. "This is pretty much how we have been. She's usually a bit more careful about this, but I guess she doesn't really care who sees now. Yes, I'm alright and she's doing better now."

I hear Shad come near us. "Look, I just can't see JC go through the pain again. He's been through so much and I can't stand to watch him be played for a fool."
JC puts a hand on my face and follows my freckles under my eyes. I close my eyes and know he's smiling. I show how much I trust him. "Shad, I can't do that to him. He knows everything about me. I have very few things left to tell him. I told him about my past. My dad beat me and my mom, did drugs, cheated, left us high and dry, dealt with an aunt who'd beat me when she would drink, how my gramma has the biggest influence in my life, my world crashed and burned in 98, my family, the crews I used to run with, the pain I've felt, the happiness, the tragedies, to positives, how hard I've fought and who I really am. There's only one thing I haven't told him yet and it's a personal horror and nightmare that went on for a few years. One where I asked for help and was called a liar and melodramatic. Told I was doing it for attn."
"Damn. But you overcame it."
"Yes, I did and it took this long to truly trust a man again after that. I haven't truly trusted a man since I was nine and I'm almost thirty. I have never kissed a man with my eyes closed the whole time, until Josh. I know he'd never dream of doing that to me. I trust him and he trusts me. He's the only man who has enough of my heart to shatter it."
"Wow. That's something that had destroyed you. Must have been something worse than a nightmare."

"Something I don't wanna remember but can't forget. Something I wanna say didn't happen but can't live a lie. Something I don't wanna see but it's right there when I close my eyes. I don't wanna let it control me but I've been so afraid to admit I should have let go of it years ago. I wish it hadn't happened but it's what makes me who I am. I know I couldn't have kept it from happening but I still feel responsible. It's been nothing short of emotional and mental hell but I know to overcome it. Conquer it. I forgave the asshole who did it but still I live in fear of him. Even moving to the opposite coast wasn't much help. I've cried from the nightmares I've had about reliving it again. Every night I've had those nightmares, Josh has held me as I cried in pure fear and terror."
JC pulls me close and wraps his arms around me. "I don't know what it is, but you know I'm always here when you need me. I know life has been nothing but unfair to you. Now that you have someone you can trust entirely, you've opened up. I know you need someone to help you realize that you need people like us to help you truly heal and move on."
I open my eyes and look at Shad. "JC is the first man I've truly trusted in almost 17 years. I know it's the first step in getting over it and moving on." I sigh and hug JC.
Tyrese is wondering what it could be. "Not to get too nosy, what is 'it' that you're talking about?"

"I would rather not say right now. I haven't spoken about it in over a year and a half. When I'm ready to talk about it, Josh will know. I just hope he'll understand how damaging it has been mentally and emotionally."
"Of course I'll be understanding."
"I know you'll try to be. I'm sure it will get under your skin and upset you."
Shad is confused. Tyrese seems to have an idea on what I'm talking about. Tyrese pulls me aside. "Come here. I wanna ask you something." We walk in the living room. He quiets his tone. "Were you raped?" I close my eyes and take in a deep breath as I nod. "What sick fuck would do that to a child for years?"
"My then baby sitter's son."
"Who'd you tell?"
"My mom, my brother and my aunt."
"Why would you make that up?"
"I didn't. I lived that nightmare for close to four years."
He shakes his head, looking pissed. "Let's go back in the kitchen with JC and Shad."
I take a deep breath and lead the way, walking directly to JC. I wrap my arms around him and put my head on his chest. He leans against the edge of the counter. I shiver and he rubs my back, silent tears fall from my eyes. "What's up, Tyrese? You look straight up pissed off."

"When she tells you, you'll wanna kill the bastard that did what he did to her."
JC touches the side of my face and sees the tears. He wipes them away. "Is that how bad it is?" I nod and he kisses me in a reassuring way. He holds me close again. "She'll tell me when she's ready. No matter how bad it is. I will be here to comfort and hold and protect her."
"I hope so. She's gonna need someone, I hope it is you."
"It's ok, baby. I think it's getting pretty late. I'll try to touch base with you guys this coming week."
Shad shakes hands with JC. Tyrese pats his shoulder. "She looks to you for emotional support. Keep doing and being that."
"I will."
Tyrese rubs my back and I look at him. "Hang in there. JC'll help you get through it. He's a friend of mine because he's a good person and is always looking for the positives in every situation." He smiles at me and I nod. "We'll let ourselves out. She needs you right now."
JC touches my face again and I look at him. "I won't judge you. You've been through hell. I'm always here for you and refuse to turn away." I close my eyes and shake my head. "When you're ready to tell me, I'll be ready to listen." I put my head on his chest again and he wraps his arms around me. His cell phone rings and he answers it. "What do you mean, Ty? Not till next week. Yeah, I-whoa, wait, what? Babe, what does he mean by be respectful?"
"I'll tell you tonight, Josh."
"Can you tell me now please?"
"I was raped when I was little."

Josh goes silent. "I have to admit, man, it did get under my skin. Actually, I'd rather knock the sick fuck unconscious and drop him off at a gay porn set. See how the fucker likes that. I'm gonna let ya go so I can focus on Sam. I'm gonna stay with her. Yeah, she's holding onto me like her life depends on it. I'm not doing anything stupid. She said he's on the opposite coast."
"Don't tell anyone please."
Josh hugs me and holds me tight. "I won't and Tyrese only said what he did to get me in the loop. It's not his business to tell anyone else. Thanks, man." He hangs up. "I had no idea."
"Most people have no idea. I just don't wanna talk about it."
"Ok, that's your call."
"Are you mad cuz I didn't tell you before?"
"Not at all. That's personal and a need to know basis kind of thing. I do understand why you wanted to wait to tell me and why you said what you did about it." He stands up, turns so I have my back toward the counter and sits me on it, holding me. "It does put alot of things into perspective. Helps to make sense of the chaos."

I look at him and he smiles at me. I feel so exhausted. He sees how close to sleep I am and carries me upstairs. He lays me on the bed, climbs in himself and falls asleep, holding me close and cuddling. He falls asleep before me. I turn over and face him. I give him a kiss and he smiles in his sleep. I put my forehead against his, close my eyes and take a deep breath. "I love you, Josh."
I know he talks in his sleep, but I'm surprised by what he says. "I love you beyond words. I wish I could say that to Sam. I love her more than words can express."
I smile. "I know now. I love you in ways I didn't know were possible. Please remember that."
"I will." I fall snuggle up to him.

I wake up and he's not there. I look at the clock. 7:23 and wonder why I'm awake. I go downstairs and see JC sitting at the island counter. I smile and go to him. He hugs and kisses me good morning. I sit next to him and he holds me close. "I dreamed that we said we love each other."
"You didn't dream that."
"We said it?"
"I was trying to say it and have you know. You were asleep."
"Why? You know I talk in my sleep."
"I didn't think you'd answer."
He has me look at him. "I do feel that way and I don't regret saying it at all. I just want so badly to tell you when I'm awake."
"I know. I wish I could tell you while you're awake too."
He sighs and kisses me. "We know how we feel and need to figure out how to say it." I look at him and a smile comes across his face. "You look like hell."
"I feel like I got run over by a Mack truck, twenty times. My wrist is sore, my head hurts, I just wanna go for a run, come back, do some crunches and shower."
"That's an odd combination."
"When I feel like shit, I get the adrenaline flowing. It starts flowing, I feel better cuz I have more energy. I would rather be odd cuz otherwise, I wouldn't be me." I smile and shrug.

He smiles. "True. I love you for you." He kisses me.
"I love you for who you are too." My cell rings, I look at the ceiling, and sigh in frustration. "Wonder who that could be?" I look at the caller ID. "Brian? Why would he be calling?" I pick up. "Hello?"
"Hey, Sam."
"What's up, B?"
"Nick said you and JC are talking about getting together."
I close my eyes and hang my head. "Of course Nicholas can't keep it to himself. Yes, we're Uh talking about it. The only thing is that we both have broken hearts to heal first." I put Brian on speaker. "What would your honest reaction be if we did start seeing other?"
"I would be happy for you both. You deserve it. Why?"
"Uh, no parti-"
"You're together."
"You say it like we told you."
"You take too long to answer. Nick has sent me home videos of you two. I figured you would be together soon."
"Don't tell anyone, please, B."
"When will you be telling everyone?"
"We plan on telling James and Nick in May. Everyone else in August."
"That's almost another year."

"We know. We wanna surprise everyone else. What else has Nick told you?"
"That you two are very emotionally expressive and seem to have a strong bond and connection."
"I know there's more."
"You've also been fooling around, even though you're married."
"B, I'm gettin a divorce. Long story that's been going bad for seven or eight years. I have my dreams coming true."
"What about your kids?"
"They want what they now have-a father figure who loves all four of us, spends time with us, gives us attn and actually cares."
"I'm just making sure that you're sure about this. I'm glad to see JC happy all the time and happy to know everyone directly involved is happy."
"My kids told me six months ago that they'd rather have me happy and who I'm seeing respects me, loves all four of us and spends time with us. They have been around Josh for the past two or three months. They have taken a liking to Josh. The younger two told Josh and I that we need to just tell each other how we feel."

"Kids pick up on things like that. Have you told each other yet?"
"No. I know he loves who I am and I love who he is as a person."
"Ok. That's a good thing. I also heard your soon to be ex-husband broke your wrist and JC never left your side."
I kiss JC and smile. He holds me close to him. He rubs my side. "Brian, he did and I don't plan on leaving her side for awhile. It's been six months and I've been there every time she needs me. I was there the day he gave her a black eye. I watched him punch her and I got in his face. Yeah, we scuffled and you're the first person to know other than us. She hid it. I got a busted lip. He had bruised ribs, a bloody nose, and a black eye. We picked the kids up from school and stayed at my house."
"He what? It's not the first time he's hurt her?"
"You wanna be technical, he's been for years, emotionally and mentally."
"Sam, I'm glad to know you're in a better position than you were."
"Thanks. Listen, I'm gonna letcha go. I'll try to buzz ya later."
"Ok. Take care. God bless."

We hang up. I take Josh's hand with my left. "I don't know what to expect, but I will be supportive either way. If it's on and off, I guess I can try to deal with the emotional roller coaster as long as we still talk. If you are unfaithful, don't hide it from me. Don't flaunt it, either. You have to work, tell me as soon as you know when and where. You wanna go out at all, even alone, I don't care. You are your own person. You wanna take me out? Lemme know. Pretty much be honest with me, try to be faithful, and lemme know when you want or need space."
He looks at me, thinking about what I just said. "So, you don't expect me to be at your side constantly?"
"In another day or two, no. But I do expect honesty."
He bites his bottom lip, thinking of how to word what's on his mind. "Ok. That might make it easier. The past six months don't count right?"
"When we aren't together like we are right now, what we did shouldn't be held against each other. Even if we broke up, hypothetically, for a couple weeks and you had sex with a different woman every night. I'd hope you use protection and remind myself that we weren't together, just friends. And if a few times during said hypothetical break up, you wanted it from me, you'd have to come to me and try to not play with my emotions. It's a lay but we both know know that we both will pour our emotions into it. So it would be strange and I would try to go through the days after like I do now."
"Honestly, the nights I wasn't at your place and didn't answer, I was-"
"I figured as much and like I said, you weren't with me like that. You are your own person."
"You really don't care as long as I'm discreet?"

"When we're not together like we are, discretion is expected with who you do whatever you do with. Do I wanna know who they are? No. I know what you're doing when you don't answer my calls and I don't hear back within two or three hours. There's only three things that take longer than that-sex, studio and clubbing. I know there's gonna be days where you just don't wanna talk to anyone."
"If we break up, we both have complete freedom with our partners? So, to go along with this hypothetical thing, say Dawn were single and I slept with her. Would you care?"
"She's my best friend and sister. I would wonder why, but that's your choice and hers. I can't hold it against you. We weren't together and the same goes for you. Hypothetically, we break up and say I sleep with, um, Justin. You can't hold it against me. Well, shouldn't. You might, but shouldn't."
"I'd hold it against you if you slept with Tyler, regardless, only because he's my little brother."
"Fair enough. Also keep in mind that when we are together, we both need to stay faithful."
"What if I want to get some from you in the club?"
"A dark corner away from everyone. Haven't you noticed I wear long shirts or skirts when we go clubbing together?"
"Yeah, I was wondering why."
"Josh, we've had sex on the beach, in your car, in the ocean, in your yard, in your pool, on your balcony, in dressing rooms, and at most of the guys' houses, in their bath rooms."
"Can't forget we almost got caught a few times in the studio."
"The quickies. Those made the next time more worth it cuz I'd be so fucking close to getting off. You'd get off first and you'd have to leave me wanting it from you again later on."
"Is that why the next time after the studio, you'd ride fierce and not stop till I pinned you, making sure not to be gentle? You'd get so vocal then, too."

"Yeah. Leave me wanting and I'm gonna wanna ride the fuck outta ya, wanna be pinned and want it rough."
"Damn. What do you like more-rough sex or gentle love making?"
"Depends on my mood."
"Right now."
"Rough, if you could get me going." I glance at him.
He gets up, pulls my hair back, playfully kisses and bites my neck. "I'm gonna make you want it."
I smile bigger as his other hand goes from my knee up my thigh and he stops just before he touches there. "Prove it."

He touches my spot, through my jeans. "I will." He keeps kissing and biting my neck as he unbuttons my jeans. He leans me back a little and starts getting me going. I spin around on the stool to face him and smile. He kisses me and keeps playing. I moan as he gets me to lean back again. He starts to finger fuck me, knowing which buttons to push. Someone knocks at his door but he refuses to stop. We try to stay as quiet as we can. For about ten minutes, until whoever was at his door leaves, we keep kissing and he finger fucks me. I wanna scream from pleasure. He knows this and keeps me still by standing next to me, holding my hair back and kissing me. They leave and he lets me get pretty vocal as we hear their car pull outta his driveway. He lifts me with one arm and sits me on his island counter. He pulls his fingers out and strips me. He sticks his tongue in and it drives me wild cuz I'm on the edge of his counter, leaning back to let him have access. He plays with my clit as he does this. I want it but what he's doing is driving me crazy. I pull his hand so he's standing and pull him to me for a kiss. He starts to finger fuck me again, I arch my back and moan during the kiss. Our cell phones ring and we ignore those too. His house phone rings and voicemail picks up. I feel his hands let go of me for a minute and we start making love on his counter. I lay back on his counter and start with the body waves, being vocal the whole time. He gets off at least five times. After I get off the third time, they come in back to back waves and I lose count. He got me off twice before he came the first time, he had me dealing with the waves before he got off the second time. I sat up with my ass half on the counter and he got off the third time. He pulled me off the counter and had me lean over the counter. He pulled my head back to kiss me so I'm leaning against him as he plays with my clit and he gets the waves going again. He gets off two more times while like this. He kisses me a few times. We're both drenched in sweat, but satisfied. We try to stop, but we're both still horny. We look at each other and I push my hips back, biting my lip. "Insatiable today?" I nod. He pushes me so I'm leaning on his counter and he tears it up, getting us both off four more times. I scream the final time. A new heightened feeling. He turns me around to face him and kisses me, holding my hips. "Feeling a little better?"
"Yeah. Oh damn."
"What?"
"The last time I got off, I've never got off like that."
He smiles. "Is that why you screamed?"
I nod. "It's new, heightened, and caught me off guard. I like it though."

He pulls me close and I realize we're both naked. His cell phone rings and he grabs it. He looks at the caller ID. We're both breathing a little faster than normal. He answers. "Hi, mom. What's up? Yes. You know how I told about Sam? Yes, the one with three kids. I'm dating her. Yes, she knows. We've already talked about that. Hold on and I'll put you on speaker." He puts it on speaker. "Ok, mom."
"Hi, Sam."
I look at JC and put my hands on my hips. "Hi, Karen. How are you?"
"I'm good. Is Joshua treating you good?"
"Of course. He knows how to treat a lady. You and Roy raised him very well."
"Thank you. When did you start seeing each other?"
"Yesterday. We aren't telling any of our friends yet. Nick and James will find out in May. Everyone else will know in August."
"You're very cautious about who you want to know and when."
"Yes, we are. He has been under the radar for a few years now, which I respect and enjoy."
He gives me a kiss. "Mom, I'm gonna be going to the VMAs. Could you watch it?"
"Sure, sweetie. Why?"
"You'll get to see her."
"You're taking her with you?"

"I asked her and she said she'd like to go. She didn't get overexcited at all. She went to movie awards with me a few months ago."
"The pretty blue eyed brunette is Sam?"
I smile. "Yes, that was me."
"Honey, they could have many more questions for you."
"I know. I'm ready for them. I expect the paparazzi to get some pictures every time we go out. Which reminds me, when is that fitting?"
"In an hour, babe." I nod and he kisses me. "We're gonna let you go so we can get ready to go. I love you, mom."
"I love you too. Have fun."
Josh and I smile. "We will, mom." She hangs up and we bust out laughing. "We just had our version of fun."

My cell rings. "What is this? Mom-vention?" I pick up. "Hey, ma. What's up?"
"Haven't heard from you in a few days."
"I've been crazy busy. I left Joe."
"Why?"
"I have great friends and a better man to back me."
"Who?"
"Remember how I told you about Josh?"
"Yeah."
"Him, ma." I open my phone so it goes to speaker.
"Like a guy who is always working has time for you and the kids."
"Actually, I have a lot of time for them. I'm not sure if she told you who I am exactly."
"He sounds like that kid from one of those groups. Damn it! Which one?"
"Boyband or girls?"
"Hahaha, very funny, Samantha. Boyband, of course."
"Four or five people?"
"Five. It's one of the Florida ones."
I laugh. "Yeah? Name em, ma."
"Backstreet Boys and the other one."
"What other one?"
"The one that used a letter of their names for the band name."
"Name the guys."
"Chris, Joey, the gay one-"
"Ma! His name is Lance, not the gay one!"
"Sorry. Justin and the one you liked."
"JC, ma, JC."
"What about JC?"
I put my head on JC's chest. "JC's first name is Josh and he lives in LA."
"Are you kidding me?"
JC smiles. "Not at all." He sings part of 'It's Gonna Be Me'.
"Damn! How'd you meet?"
"She got lost looking for my neighbor's house and I helped her get there. They referred her to me, she cleans my place and we've known each other for six months. I helped her find a house for rent, set everything up, I keep her iPod working. She makes enough because of the fact that she works sixty hours a week and makes $10.50 an hour, according to the temp place. She brings home about $540 every week."

I look at JC and smile. "Ma, can you tape the VMAs?"
"I think I can."
"You can watch it online too, I think. MTV.com and look up VMAs or video music awards. The red carpet preshow is what you wanna watch, more than the show itself."
"Why?"
"Go to MTV.com and look up the movie awards. Please."
"MTV.com?"
"Yes."
"Ok. What now?"
"Look up 'movie awards 2012 pre-show'. Look for me."
"Oh." I hear her play it. "I fast forwarded it till I saw you. Is that? It says JC Chasez on the screen, near him. That's your boyfriend?"
"Yes."
"WAAF has been laughing about him saying he wasn't dating a blue eye brunette."
"At that time, we weren't. We were friends and he needed a date. He asked me and I said sure. What do you think of the dress?"
"It's beautiful. Who bought it?"
"Josh. He only gets my award show clothes."
"What about the pictures in the magazines I get? With him kissing a brunette?"
"Ma, again that's me."
"You were cheating on Joe with JC?"

"Ummmm, yeah. For the past six months. I was sleeping with JC but not Joe. Joe said I was cheating on him cuz I wouldn't give him ass. I put up with it till I met Josh, let my crush and hormones get the best of me and started sleeping with him. I really do like him and we just started dating yesterday. I gave Joe the divorce, visitation and child support papers and he freaked, saying he wasn't gonna let me leave. He grabbed and broke my right wrist. I filed the paperwork and pressed charges."
"Was it the first time?"
"No. He's hit me before and Josh has beat him senseless. More than once."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"Sorry lost it's meaning a long time ago."
"I just feel bad for not listening to you."
"I know this seems mean but you should and it serves you right."
"I'll call you in a couple days."
"I love you, ma, but ask questions before you assume anything. I learned that from you."
"I love you too." She hangs up and I look at JC.
He's wondering. "Why'd she say sorry? Why'd you say the thing you learned from her?"

"I tried telling her since 08 that he's been controlling, which is one of the first signs that it might turn for the worse. She assumed Joe and I were having sex on her couch. I had my feet on the back of the couch and he had one foot on the floor. Closest thing to a shotgun wedding. She forced it with her ultimatum-marry him or not talk till I turned 18. But that's the past and I need to focus on the present and future. A happier future."
"Ok. We can focus on the present and future. We never talked about how you'd be able to get pregnant."
"IVF or surgery to have my tubes untied. I don't think it's be worth it to get them untied, just to turn around and have em tied again."
"Understandable."
"Definitely NOT worth the pain."
"I trust you."
"We should" he pulls me close "mmmmmm, shower before it gets too late. That, uh, fitting is in just over half an hour."
"Fuck! That slipped my mind." He grabs the clothes we were wearing and tosses em in the laundry room. We dart up to his personal bathroom, laughing the whole time.
While we shower, we kiss and laugh. We get out and he gets dressed while I dry my hair. I laugh. "Josh, this shirt looks better."
"They're jeans."
"Please. I really like this shirt on you."
He looks at it. "This is new."
"I got it for you. I thought it would look good on you."
He laughs as he reads it. "Funny. 'I have multiple personalities and none of them like you'."
"It's that one or 'I don't like you but that's for me to know'."
He pulls another shirt outta my pile. "This one is great! 'Would you like to buy a vowel?' I love this one!"
We laugh and he puts it on. "Just for the paparazzi huh?"
"Yup."
I throw on jeans, socks, and a shirt that says 'I'm just a ray of freaking sunshine, aren't I?' and he cracks up. "I know, it suits me." I laugh.

He gives me a kiss and we head to the fitting. We talk about NY. We get there and the seamstress shakes her head. "I thought you were the punctual one."
I look at her and shake her hand. "My name is Sam and it's my fault, I distracted him."
"Ok. I'm Melissa. I have to fit him."
JC smiles. "As well as her. She's going with me."
"JC, you're just a bag of surprises, aren't you?"
He smiles, pulls me close and kisses me. "It's one of the many things that makes me who I am."
I kiss him back. "I taught you that." I scratch his back lightly as I let go. "You first." I push him to Melissa. She looks at him and grabs jeans, a nice shirt and an over shirt. "Mmmm. He looks so good in that shirt." He tries it on. "Yup, yours is easy, Josh."
"Your turn."
She takes me into a changing room and measures me. She asks me a few questions as she does. "How'd you meet him?"
"I asked him for help finding a place and just clicked."
"Are you dating him?"
"No, we're just very close friends."
"You kissed."
"Some friendships are more open than others."
"Oh. I think you'd make a cute couple."
"Thanks."

She ducks out comes back with three pairs of jeans and nine shirts. She ducks out and grabs three pairs of shoes. I look at them and start trying on the jeans. I put on the first pair and find out they're leather with jean print. I show JC. He shakes his head. I put on a pair of flares with gemmed designs on the legs and butt pockets. He smiles. I try on the third pair and realize they have grafitti on them. He smiles and nods. "The grafitti ones." I keep em on and try the shirts on. I show him how each one looks. "Toss up between the third one and the second to last one."
"I liked the third one best." It's a blue shirt that has 'Famousness isn't always beauty' grafittid on it.
JC looks at me. "Are there any dressy shirts that would go nice with those jeans?"
I roll my eyes. "Yeah."
I show him the shirt and it's the same color as my cast. It also has a pocket on the front and is long sleeved. "This one?"
"That one is beautiful."
I grab a pair of similar colored shoes and walk over to him. "I'm growing again."
He laughs. "How's it feel to be five seven?"
"Four inch heals and I didn't fall on my face." I make a face.
He cracks up and I giggle. He gives me a kiss. I turn away from him, walk a few steps so I'm just outta reach, look at him, blow a kiss, and make sure to switch my hips. I change outta the clothes for the show and back into my own. I come back out and hug him. "Couldn't resist being funny and then switching your hips like that?"
"I did it cuz I thought you'd smile about it."
"I did smile when you went back in the other room to get back into your clothes."

I smile. "Then I have cleared my objective." We crack up.
He pulls me close and kisses me. "I love bringing you to fittings and rehearsals. You make em fun."
I pretend to shine my nails on my shirt. "I try." I make a face at him.
He laughs. "This is exactly why we are the way we are."
"I'm just glad you're happy just cuz it's what means most to me." I look down and my hair covers the right side of my face.
He puts his hand on the side of my face and gets me to look at him. "I'll let you know when I'm not happy. I'm sure you can tell by now." He pushes my hair back and kisses me. We smile. I nod. "I think we should hit the beach."
"I don't have a swimsuit with me."
"The beach bag we packed and we had to cancel our plans yesterday."
"I can't swim with this on."
"We can sit by the edge of the water and wade in it."
"Ok. What about shorts?"
"You have a pair in the bag."
"Ok. Are we all set here?"
"Yes. Ready?"
"Let's see how hard it is for me to not swim."

We leave the fitting and head to the beach. He takes all the back roads to get there so I can change on the way there. I put my tank top on over my bikini top. He sees me do that. "Why'd you cover up?"
"Force of habit."
"I love how you look."
I give him a kiss as we pull up to the beach. "Thanks, babe."
He puts his hand on my leg so that his fingers are on the inside of my thigh. "Anytime, beautiful."
We grab the beach bag and he changes while I set up the beach blanket and take off my shirt and jewelry. I put it in an inside pocket. He hands me his jeans and shirt. I stick his jewelry in the other inside pocket. We put our cell phones in with our jewelry. AJ covers my eyes as I zip up the bag. I look at him and Rochelle. I get up and give them hugs. "Hey, Rochelle, AJ. Just being beach bums today?"
AJ nods. "That's the plan. What's yours?"
"To relax and enjoy some time alone."
"Cool. How ya feeling today?"
"Pretty good. We just finished our fitting for the VMAs."
"Back to the goofball you are?"
"Yeah."
"Any progress on the telling each other thing? Or taking the next step?"
"We're working on telling each other what we like and love about each other."
"Good start. What about the whole relationship part?"
"Still just friends fooling around."
"With a high comfort level."

I shrug and JC smiles. JC pulls me close and wraps his arms around me. "Rather have a high comfort level and know she's here with me, than wonder if she even gives a fuck about me."
AJ raises his eyebrow, looks at Rochelle, and she nods. "True." He looks at me over his sunglasses. "We should go sit by the water, cool off."
JC and I shrug. We sit by the water, me in front of JC and he's holding me. AJ and Rochelle are side by side. Rochelle touches me and I look at her. "I think you're seeing JC and keeping it hush hush."
I shake my head. "Sorry, Roche."
She looks at me like she doesn't believe me. "Sam."
"Roche."
"You have a glow in your face."
"Yeah, most likely cuz we did something we enjoy and it was great."
"Like what?"
"Sex. He did the challenge."
"You challenge each other sexually?"
"No, when we get interrupted, I challenge him to get me off so many times."
We hang out at the beach till seven. We hang out and head home. I call Nick and Joey to let them know we're going to the VMAs the following week. Nick has plans so we have to split up the boys between James and Chris.

The next few days fly by and we fly to NY, go through a day of rehearsal and then get ready for the VMAs. I go to make up and they put foundation, rouge, lip gloss, and eyeliner on me. They put a very light blue on me for eye shadow.
JC likes it. We go to the limo and we get there. Sway sees us. He stops us for an interview. "JC, it's been awhile since we've seen you. Three or four years, other than the movie awards."
"Yeah, been busy with ABDC, producing and hanging with friends."
"I see you brought someone with you. Is she your girlfriend?"
We look at each other and smile. "Not yet. I'm trying to talk her into it. She's a very close friend of mine. She came with me to the movie awards in June. Sam's a riot and makes fittings and things like that more bearable."
"So, she makes you laugh?"
"Yes, she's the kind of woman to play tackle football with me, Justin, Joey, Chris, and Lance. Three on three. It's fun."
"Name something she does that made you laugh."

"During the fitting she had to pick her shoes and she picked the ones she's wearing walked over to me and said she grew. She picked on herself saying she didn't fall flat on her face. She would rather wear jeans and a tank top with a pair of sneakers, hanging around or fixing a car."
"So she's like a tomboy?"
JC looks at me. I smile. "I guess I am, according to JC. I would rather be goofing off, working on a friend's car or messing with a computer or something like that."
"What do you like the most about JC?"
"His personality and intelligence."
"JC, is it true that you've been sleeping with a good friend of yours?"
"I'm not talking about that. That's my personal life. My friends and family know about my relationship status."
"Do you have someone you can see yourself with in a year?"
"Sam." I smile and give him a kiss. "Flirt. You're gonna end up starting rumors."
I shrug. "So? Friends who are as close as us can kiss every once in awhile."
Sway laughs. "She likes ya, JC."
"I know she does. She's had a crush on me since what year?"
"Only since 92, JC."
"Best friends and crushes usually mix until things get personal."
"I know pretty much everything about her and she knows me."
"Thanks for talking to me. Lala?" Josh and I head in and he bumps into Taylor Swift, Justin Beiber and Usher.
We bump into Usher first. "JC! Haven't seen you in a good while here!" They shake hands and hug.
"I know it's been almost forever. How are you?"
"Good, good. Who is this pretty woman?"
"Sam, I'm sure you listened to Usher before."
I smile and he gives me a hug. "How's the business?"
We start walking to our seats. He looks at me, smiling. "Busy. JB! Come here, meng." Justin Beiber comes over. "This man is an old-"
"According to Sam, I'm not old."

We laugh and Usher tries to intro JC to JB again. "This is JC Chasez and his-"
I smile. "Very close friend."
"Sam."
JB smiles and hugs us both. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Chasez."
"Just call me JC. Everyone else does."
"Sorry, JC. I'm just a little excited to meet you."
"Wait till the after party. You'll meet so many other people, your head will be spinning for a few days at least."
They talk for a few minutes and then we go to our seats. Taylor bumps JC. "Oh, sor-JC!" She hugs him. "It's been so boring at the shows without you. I thought it was someone being funny when I saw two seats reserved for you. She is so beautiful. I'm Taylor."
We smile at each other. "I'm Sam."
"Are you dating?" She points back and forth between us.
I laugh. "Not yet. He's trying to talk me into it."
She laughs. "JC has to talk you into dating him? That's great. I love how your eyes are brought out by your hair."

"Thank you, Taylor! I love your music. My daughter wants to be you when she gets older."
She smiles. "Maybe she will be. How old is she?"
"She's seven." I pull my cell/iPod out and show her pics.
JC smiles. "I have some of her playing with the kids."
She smiles at JC. "You spend a lot of time together?"
"Yes. She's a good friend of mine and we're extremely close."
She sees one pic where the kids dog piled me. "That is adorable! You have three?"
"Yeah. He's nine, she just turned seven and he's five."
She sees a picture of JC and I with the kids at the beach. "How'd you take this one?"
I show her my iPod. "My cell."
She laughs. "JC must spoil you."
"No. I bought it over a year ago and just had service activated six months ago."
"Oh. I bet he's always there when you need someone."
"He's my best friend. He's there no matter what. Even if it's just to help me fall asleep. He's an amazing friend. He's seen me through thick and thin." I smile and look at him. The film crew asks us to sit down. We take our seats and JC puts his hand on the side of my face, I look at him and he kisses me.
JC sees Taylor smile. "You saw that?"
"That's cute."
"If anyone asks, tell em what you want."

We sit through all the awards and performances. I change into a skirt and tank top. He keeps the same clothes on. We head into the after party and start dancing. They put on Nelly's 'Hot In Here' and I start dancing pretty dirty. They put on Usher's 'Bad Girl' and JC leads me to a dark corner away from everyone and we do our thing, both of us get off in twenty minutes. I make it look like we were only making out while sitting on one of the speakers in the corner cuz I sit on his lap, straddling him, kissing him and doing body waves. We sit there for a few more minutes talking, kissing and laughing. We're so focused on each other we don't realize anyone standing behind me. I hear someone behind me and JC knows. I whisper in his ear. "Someone's behind me."
He looks and smiles. I zip his pants so it doesn't look like we just had sex. I stand up and turn around, looking Britney dead in the face. They hug. "Britney, how have you been?"
She shrugs. "Good. How about you, JC?"
"Very good. Sam, Brit. Brit, this is a close friend of mine, Sam."
She gives me a hug. "I love how your hair makes your eyes pop. I liked what you wore for the awards and love what you're wearing now."
"Thanks, I love your outfit too."
"How long have you known JC?"
"Almost six months. He's an amazing friend."
She looks at JC. "I heard through the grapevine that you've been fooling around with a beautiful mom of three."
JC and I look at each other and smile. "Who told you that?"
"Ran into Justin."
He nods. "It's the truth." He kisses me, pulling me close.
"She's the one you've been fooling with?"
"Yeah, we're talking about getting together."
"Really?" We nod. "I've been seeing pictures of you two out with three little blondies."
I smile. "Those are my babies."
"They are adorable. JC, are you sure you wanna deal with someone else's kids?"
He shrugs. "I've been around them for the past couple months. They're really good kids. They bring enough craziness into my days when they're with us that I don't need to go to the club."
"Oh, wow."

My hand brushes his, he grabs it and I rub the back of his hand. He looks at me and gives me a kiss. "Josh, I'm gonna get a drink."
"C'mon. I could use one too." We give Britney hugs and head to the drink table. I take a soda and he grabs one too. "It's awkward running into her since Justin and her broke up the way they did."
"I heard it was cuz she was doubling up with Wade."
"Yeah, that's what made rehearsals so hard. That's when we called Darren in."
I shrug. "Shit happens and sometimes you just have to take a deep breath, move on and just let it go."
"Yeah, sometimes it's harder than you think."
"I know. They were best friends. Shit like that can destroy friendships."
"You told Nick something about a Dan."
"High school crush who just turned out to be an asshole after he got some. Not worth the energy or brain cells to say much about. Best friends for two years, stopped talking for a few years, he moved in with us, had an affair under my ex's nose, he moved back into mom & dad's house and we don't talk unless we run into each other. It's basically a hi, how ya been? And see ya around kinda thing. He's engaged and I haven't spoken to him in almost a year and a half. Don't give a shit. He's his own person, chose his life and made his choices."
"So, he took what he could from you and when another girl came about, dropped you like a hot potato?"

"Yeah, he can deal with his losses. So I focus on my kids and me, moved here, I'm with you and I include you in my focus now." I look at him and smile.
"You're stronger than you let on. Always ready to move on."
"When I see shit's about to hit the fan, yes. Every other time, I allow myself to get lost in the moment."
"What about right now?"
"Lost in the moment. When I talk to you, spend time with you or get close to you" I step closer to him and he holds me close "like this, I allow myself to get lost in the moment."
He leans over so he can whisper in my ear. "What about when we have sex?"
"I get so lost in the moment, I forget anything else exists."
He smiles and kisses me. "That's why you kept kissing me?"
I whisper in his ear. "It's either kiss you or be vocal and draw attn to us. I know you kept one hand on my hip and the other on the side of my ribs. You did that to feel me moan."
He smiles. "I did. It was a new experience for me here."
I throw my head back, laughing. The dj plays Britney's 'Boys' and I drag JC to the dance floor again. We kiss and dance provocatively, not caring who sees or gets some pictures. After that song we duck out and head for the hotel. The whole ride to the hotel in the limo, we make out and grind. I started it by straddling and kissing him. He keeps pulling me to him by my hips, kissing me back. I start doing body waves and he starts to slide one hand down my leg, toward the inside of my thigh and up the inside of my thigh.

The driver tries to get us to the hotel as fast as he can but can't. "JC, we just got stuck in traffic."
"That's fine. Just try to get us there as soon as you can."
"Will do, Mr. Chasez."
JC whispers between kisses. "Sure you want it again? Now?"
"Mmmm-hmmmmmm." I pull him closer by his shirt and kiss him.
He shrugs and keeps kissing me. I slide my hands to his chest, down the front of his body, undo his pants and give him a bj. He smiles during it cuz I'm looking at him as I do it. After about ten minutes, he pulls my arms so I straddle him again and we start again. I ride him for the second time and he grabs my hips, lays me on one of the seats on the side of the back. We make out as we have sex in the limo. After almost 45 minutes, we get off and sit on the back bench seat again. We look at each other, smile, breathing a little heavy and sweaty. We start laughing. The driver opens the window between the front and back. "Sorry it took so long, but we're pulling up now."
JC smiles. "Thanks." The driver rolls the window up again and we crack up. "Before we even get back to the hotel." We pull up, security escorts us to the elevator and we make out as we go to the third floor.
The doors open and Aaron's standing there. "There you two are!"
We look at him and smile. "Looking for us?"
"Not anymore. When did you leave the show?"
I look at JC's watch. "About an hour ago, during the after party."

We walk to our room. Aaron smiles. "Nick said he spotted you guys after I left the after party. He said something about you two making out on a speaker in a dark and kinda empty corner." We look at each other and back at Aaron. "It was you guys."
I put one hand on my hip. "Obviously!" I shake my head.
JC unlocks our room and the three of us go in to talk. He looks at Aaron. "What's up? Other than Nick spotting us making out."
"We should hear back about that test in the next couple of weeks, Sam."
I look at him. "Nick couldn't walk up to me and say this at the after party?"
"By the time he went to, you guys disappeared. He saw you talk to Britney and then you disappeared. He recognized you when you threw your head back and laughed."
"I did that a few times on the speaker. Is that all it was about?"
"And I'm bored and wanna hang out with someone."
Josh and I look at each other and shrug. "We have a red eye to catch home, so sure. Josh, can we order from the bar?"
"Depends on what you want."
"Corona with limes."
"Sure."
He calls the hotel bar and order a dozen coronas and 4 limes. Aaron smiles. I cut the limes up and stick a small piece in each of our beers. I put the rest in the mini fridge and bring the boys their beers. "Thanks, Sam."
Josh kisses me. "Thanks, beautiful." He takes a sip. "Kinda sour."
I smile. "I'll use a smaller piece of lime. Here have mine. Smaller piece of lime."
He kisses me and we swap beers. Aaron laughs. "Mine tastes just fine." He already drank a few sips.
"Easy on it, lush. We only have four each."

I sit in front of JC and he drapes his arms over my shoulders. "Just enough for her and I to have a nice buzz but not even close to drunk. It's about eleven, the flight isn't till four am. If we drink our beers by two thirty, she and I will be close to sober before we board." He lifts the hand with the beer in it and takes a sip. "Let's sit outside on the balcony." We go sit on the balcony and chat till around  1:30am, Aaron says he's gotta catch a red eye to Orlando around the same time as ours.
"Get your shit and we can leave together. We leave for 2:30a." I smile.
"I'll be back in ten minutes."
"Don't threaten us and I'm timing you." I move so I can look at JC. "As for you, I would really like a kiss."
He smiles. "What do I get?"
"Once we get back to your house, sweet lovin. Oh! Another blow job." I look away. "Unless you don't want it."
He puts his beer down, puts his hand on the side of my face, I look at him, his other hand slides up the inside of my thigh to touch me, and we kiss. I'm sitting with my legs side by side with one knee bent and my foot pulled back near my butt. "I would love that." He smiles again.
Aaron comes outta nowhere. "How fucking often do you two screw?"
We laugh. JC shakes his head. "Depends on how much time we spend together, alone."
"The past week and a half."
I count in my mind. "About fifty times in the past nine or ten days. What's it matter to you?"
"Damn! That's about five times a day! How the fuck do you handle that?"
"During the week, after his house is clean and before the kids get outta school, after they go to bed and when Nick or one of the other guys take the kids. Mainly when we know it's possible. Past week and a half, Aaliyah has been staying with Joey and Nick took the boys till a couple days ago. Mikal has been staying with James and Demitryus is with Chris. So it works. When we get back we might be able to make love twice if we're lucky. And that's on a daily basis."

"Holy shit! You two are crazy!"
"No, we just know how to make it work. I have an idea how your parents had Nick, Leslie and Bobbi and somehow get pregnant with you and Ange."
"So, you're not even together like that and talking about having a baby?"
"Not really. He asked how I'd be able to get pregnant cuz I had my tubes tied 2 1/2 years ago. He wanted information and I gave it to him."
"Oh. Never mind then."
I take a sip of my beer. I'm on my last one and have an hour to drink it. I have a light buzz. "Aaron, I'm just saying I'm a mom of three and can still manage to have a great sex life. You take advantage of any uninterrupted free time you can get and take care of everything."
"True."
Josh wraps his arms around me and I hold his left hand with mine. "It helps me to appreciate time and the four of em more than I did in the beginning. Now I understand what my parents mean by time and life are gifts, something you're not supposed to expect."

I look at JC and Aaron. "Nothing is promised in life. Life in and of itself is a gift. If someone says 'I promise', they're lying. Everyday you wake up and experience is something to be thankful for. Love is the biggest gift, whether it's the love of a child, a partner, yourself or the small things that make you appreciate everyday. There are always lessons to learn, the biggest factor is if your eyes are actually open for you to see the lesson life and God are trying to teach you. I believe that if only the good die young, I wasn't meant to be good cuz I'm not dead yet. God gives you one path, destiny. His brother and fallen angel, Lucifer or Satan or the Devil, gives you another one called temptation. For every choice you make, at the end of it, you end up at a fork in the road and have another choice to make. Think em through and don't rush into something, unless you've come across it and you know one outcome. Never give up and bust your ass to get what you want. Sometimes you have to DESTROY friendships and walk away from family to find your calling and true positivity. I'm not just repeating things my gramma told me as a kid, but also things I've figured out in my life." I get up and walk over to the balcony railing.
"Like what, baby?"

I lean on the balcony railing, looking over NY. "Destroying friendships and walking away from family to find my calling and true positivity. I went through most of my life being told not to answer my calling and that my dreams would never happen. That I'd never amount to anything. I walked away and I've gotten outta a bad relationship, have unbelievably loving and positive friends, you" I look at JC "answers that I've been looking for for awhile. I'm finally genuinely happy for the first time in 13 years cuz I can't stop smiling. I lay my head down every night, excited to wake up in the morning just to live and thank God for allowing me to live. I'm thankful for you guys for so many reasons. I love each one of you guys but Josh, he's different. Something made him completely unforgettable. I still can't tell what it is but I love so much about him and appreciate him more than words can ever express. My kids mean more than life itself to me. I'd give my own life for them. They need something like that, take it from me. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep them alive. I feel like I can finally truly breathe. I appreciate everything in life and love. I appreciate how you hold me, Josh. How you tell me I'm beautiful, even when I look like a hot mess. Your kisses, every moment with you, hearing your thoughts, and how you always tell me to try. 'Even if it means you land flat on your face, try it. It's better to have tried and know the outcome than to let a hypothetical fear of the unknown keep you from knowing. Trying something means you learn, you learn to gain knowledge, knowledge is power and to truly live, you have to learn.' I remember you said that almost six months ago when I asked if you were sure you would stand behind me and help me leave the last bit of negativity I had in my life. Now I can only be so grateful that I stand beside you, as a friend or more. It all depends on what you say and want." I drink the last sip of my beer, leaning on the railing and facing them. I look back and forth between Aaron and JC.
JC smiles. "You remembered what I said six months ago. You're like a sponge. I love how intelligent you are." He gets up after finishing his last beer, walks over to me, holds me close, and kisses me.

Aaron shakes his head. "Damn. I don't know why but that made more sense than half of the shit I've heard all my career."
I smile and put my head on JC's chest. "Because you've been through it or seen someone who has. Most likely Nick. I know he's been through hell and back." I grab my Buccaneers hat and put it on. "It's already 2:15. We have fifteen minutes to get ready." I stand next to JC and he pulls me close. I cuddle him and pull his cap from his back pocket. "Come on, guys. Hustle, hustle. Hut, hut, hut." I smile at JC.
He smiles and shakes his head. He takes his hat and puts it on. We share a quick kiss. "Like she said, hustle, Aaron. We leave in ten minutes."
Aaron grabs his hat and sunglasses from his bag. "Where are your glasses?"
I look at him. "In my bag." I walk, switching my hips as I go get them and come back. JC smiles, knowing it's a subconscious habit now. I hand him his sunglasses and I put mine on. We grab our bags, check out and head for the airport. Halfway to the airport, Aaron realizes JC called me baby. "Why'd he call you 'baby'?"
I laugh. "Now you realize it?"
"Yeah, how long has he been calling you that?"
"Couple months." I lied.
"Usually when you're alone."
"Yeah."
JC is smiling. "J'aime tu, mon amour."
I look at him surprised. "You just said-"
"I did and I know it. I don't have the balls to say it in English, so I said it in French. "
"Who taught-?"
"I did learn some French when we toured in countries that spoke that language."
I look at him. "Graim thu Igconai."
Aaron's confused. "What in the fuck?"
I look at JC and smile. "I hope you know what he said."
"Sounded familiar. I don't remember what it means."
I put my head in my left hand. "Ask Nick. I know he remembers. I said the same basic thing, just in a different language." He thinks for a minute. I pull my cell out and dial Nick. "Hey, Nick." I have it on speaker.
"Aaron find you?"

"Yeah, we're on the way to the airport to catch our planes. We have him with us. He doesn't remember what 'j'aime tu, mon amour' means."
"I'm on speaker?"
"Yes."
"Hey, Aaron. It means 'I love you, my love'. Why?"
"You're telling me JC just told Sam that?"
"If that's what he said in French, then he did. JC is that what you said?"
"Yes, I said 'j'aime tu, mon amour' and I mean it. She said something like it in Irish Gaelic."
"How do you spell it, Sam? I'm gonna look it up."
"G-r-a-i-m, space, t-h-u, space, capital i-g-c-o-n-a-i. I know what it means."
"Tell me if this is right. According to Google, it means 'I love you, always' or something like that."
"Yes, 'I love you, always' is right. I have other things I say in Gaelic. Which are more for Josh."
"Can you teach Lauren?"
"Maybe. We can talk about that later."
"Alright. Bye."
"Bye." I hang up with Nick, Josh and I head back to LA and go about our regular days.

Thanksgiving is a couple weeks away. "Josh, what are you doing for Thanksgiving this year?"
"I hope I can see my family this year. Christmas, I was hoping you, me and the kids can go to MD. Spend it with my family. My mom invited you and the kids."
We just dropped the kids off at school. "Are you sure? Where would we stay?"
"There's a couple bedrooms above the garage. I can see if my mom would let you and I stay in my old bedroom and the kids in Heather and Tyler's rooms. I'll call them later." I nod. "What's on your mind, baby?"
"I was thinking I see my family for Thanksgiving."
"That would put us an eight hour drive away from each other."
I smile. "It would? Just eight hours?"
He nods. "That's it. I wouldn't hesitate to pick you and the kids up and bring you to Bowie."

My cell rings. "Hi, ma."
"Hey, sweetie. I can't do our thing on Thanksgiving day. Would the day before around 2 be ok?"
"Yeah." I smile at Josh.
"Maybe you could bring Joshua?"
"Maybe. He'll be in Bowie, just an eight hours' drive away. Josh, would you like to eat Thanksgiving dinner the day before at my mom's?"
"Sure. We can even see some of your family while we're at it."
"You're brave! Yes, ma, he'll be there with me and the kids."
"See you then. Love you."
"I love you too." We hang up. "Are you serious about meeting some of my family? I have a few cousins in Fitchburg and that's about it."

"Maybe drop by and see Dawn too. Sure, why not?"
I look at him like he has no fucking idea what he's getting himself into. My cell rings again and I roll my eyes. "Hello?"
"Sam?"
"Nah, I'm your fairy princess. Name me."
"What are you doing?"
"Hopefully, planning to get Josh introed to my cousins, yikes, and my mom, quintuple yikes! What are you up to the day before Thanksgiving?"
"Sitting around my mom's."
"Don't sound so excited. You wanna meet up? We can stop in for a bit or kidnap ya."
"Yes! Sure." She rambles off the address and I write it in the small notebook I keep in JC's glovebox.
"See ya in a couple weeks."
"Where are you going after we hang out?"
I wince and take a breath. "10 hour drive to Bowie."
"Where?"
"Bowie, MD."
"What's there?"
"Josh's family."
"Fair is fair."
"You know how tapped my mom and cousins are."
"He's probably gonna laugh his ass off."
"Or think I'm tapped, Dawn."
"He loves you. You've been dating for just over two months. Known each other for eight. He knows you're fucking tapped."
Josh grabs my left hand. "Ready to get that cast off? I love you regardless of your family. I know you're 'tapped', because it just shows me who you are."

I hang my head and pull the bill of my cap down to cover my face. "Thanks, Josh. Yeah. I can't wait to get this damn thing off. It's been two months. You're right, Tig. He KNOWS I'm tapped. The plus side of that is he loves me anyway."
He rubs the back of my hand with his thumb. "I don't care how tapped you think you are. Whatever you mean by that. I love you for who you are." He smiles as we pull up to Cedar Sinai.
"Josh, tapped means crazy or nuts."
"You're not, though. You're just energetic, intelligent and odd. I love those qualities about you."
I relax a little bit. He parks the car and we start towards the doctor's office. "Girl, I'll buzz ya back after this."
"Ok. Can't wait to see you. I'mma tackle yo ass!"
I laugh. "I know. I can't wait." We hang up. I interlock my fingers with JC's and smile.
He looks at me. "What's on your mind?"
"Thanks."

He gives me a kiss after pushing the elevator button. "You're welcome. You deserve this, Sam. You NEED this. You miss your best friend. You two are very tight knit in an odd manner."
"I swear, you care more about me and the kids than yourself. Completely selfless."
"Selfless when you and the kids need something, yet so selfish when it comes to what I want."
"How is that possible?"
The elevator opens, we get in and he hits the button to the doctor's office. "I help you get what the four of you need, but when I want time with you and the kids, I'm so selfish. I'm even more selfish when it comes down to our alone time. I'm almost never home anymore."
"Sometimes you have to be selfish. If you ever wanna go home, I won't stop you."
"Every time I've tried to sleep at home, I can't. I end up being up till two or three in the morning, missing you. Then I can't stand it and head to your place and hold you close, just to get some sleep."
I look at him as the elevator gets to the floor we wanted and we get out. I stop just before the doctor's office and look at him. "You're saying that every time you say you're gonna go home to sleep, you can't and that's why I wake up the next morning with you holding me?"
"Well, yeah."
I look around. "Ok."
"Why?"
"I was making sure if I understood what you meant." I open the door to the office and he follows me in. I check in and we sit down in the waiting room.
He grabs my hand and kisses it. He knows it makes me smile. "I guess I am selfish."
I smile bigger. "I know I'm selfish."
"How's that?"
"I want what I have-you, love, the kids."
"You also have freedom."
"Yeah. Thanks to you and the guys."
"I did what I did to help you and the kids be safer and be happy."
I give him a kiss. A nurse opens the door to the rooms. "Samantha?"
I stand up and JC follows close behind, holding my hand. "Hi."
"Are you ready to get the cast taken off?"
"Been ready for the past month."

She lightly laughs. "The films we took three days ago show it's healed properly. We will be taking it off today."
"Thank goodness!"
JC grabs my hip belt loop and walks a little faster. She motions to a patient room and smiles. "The doctor will be in shortly and I have to get the cast cutter. I will be back in a few minutes."
I nod. JC is looking around. I smile. "We're only here to get my cast taken off."
"I just don't like needles."
"I know. I don't like hospitals period. I only go when I absolutely have to. Which you know is when I'm in excruciating amounts of pain, bleeding, dying, giving birth, pregnant, or to have a physical. I'll visit someone in the hospital, but the minute I see them, I just get the urge to run out."
"I now see why you understand my fear."
"I have never liked hospitals since my gramma got sick. She was unconscious, hooked up to all these tubes and wires. It just never left my memory. I associate the smell of rubbing alcohol and peroxide with hospitals. I don't like those smells. They remind me of seeing my gramma hooked up to all those wires and tubes and machines."
"I can't explain mine like you can."
"Until I saw that, it was the whole wanting to deck someone for poking and prodding me. Being the youngest of my generation, I was picked on alot. Being pregnant made it worse cuz they have you make appointments more often, just to poke and prod."
"Then why do it again?"
"I like when I can feel them move. I love when the father and a few other people can touch my belly and feel it. Or just look at my belly and see the baby move. The rewards are well worth it. Look at the kids. They're intelligent, talented and are amazing."
"Like their mom."
I give him a kiss and smile. The doctor and nurse come in with everything. The doctor looks at the chart. "Samantha, I'm told you're anxious to get your cast off."
"Yes, I'd like to use both hands again. Having three kids at home and all." I smile.
"Here we go. Stay still as I cut it off." I nod and focus on JC. He puts his forehead on mine and we lock eyes. He smiles. "All set."
"How long did it take?"
She looks at the clock. "About ten minutes."
"Didn't feel like it." The nurse is staring at JC. "Are you staring at him?"
She looks away. "I'm sorry. He looks like JC Chasez."
He and I look at each other and he shrugs. "He is Josh Chasez."
"Oh. It was nice to meet you, JC."
He shakes her hand. "Nice to meet you too."
"Are you dating?"
"Um, we're still talking about it."

I laugh. "Hon, he's been talking me into it. Look for his and Justin's interviews due out in late August. Nine months from now. Nick has one due out to be released around mid-August."
"Nick?"
"Nick Carter."
"Thanks."
"You're welcome." I give her a hug. "Hold your head high. You're intelligent and beautiful. If anyone tells ya otherwise, they're lying and jealous. Trust me."
"Thanks." She smiles.
"Do me a favor?"
"What's that?"
"Smile more, it shows more of your beauty. JC tells me that all the time. He always says the sweetest things at just the right times."
"Sounds like a good friend."
"Yeah, he's an amazing friend. So aren't his friends." I pull her aside. "So do you think I should give him a chance?"
She nods. "Yes."
"Thanks for your help and honesty." I pat her shoulder and we leave.
JC waits till we're near the elevator to say anything. "What was that about?"
"I asked her if I should give you a chance and she looked like she needed a confidence boost. She's a beautiful girl and has to be intelligent to have the job she has, so I reminded her. She said I should."
He laughs as the elevator doors open. "She's gonna get a surprise when those interviews come out."
"Yeah. She might be happy about it." We kiss and he pushes the button for the first floor. I hold his hand with my right hand. "Feels weird being able to feel your palm on mine."

"Two months in a cast will do that."
"I know."
His cell phone rings. "Hello? Whoa. Chill out, bro. What?" He laughs. "Hold on." He looks at me. "My mom had my brother call to talk to you. You might be on the phone for awhile."
My eyes bug out and I take his cell. "Hello?"
"Sam?"
"Yes. Tyler, right?"
"Yeah. My mom just told me you might be here for Christmas."
"If not sooner, yes. Why?"
"Just Josh doesn't bring girls back home often, if at all."
I smile. "Well, I can assure you that I'm not a bitch and we treat each other well. He is so sweet."
"Josh can be sweet? Since when?"
I laugh. "You're horrible. I think we're gonna get along fine, Tyler."
"I hope so. Hey, Heather wants to talk to you."
As we get in JC's car my eyes bug out again and I mouth 'Heather' to him. He laughs. "Wait till you talk to dad." My eyes bug out more and my mouth drops open.

"Sam, is Joshie there?"
I try so hard not to laugh. "Yeah. What's on your mind, Heather?"
"Is he ok?"
"He's doing great. I can't wait to meet you and the rest of the family."
"I'm excited to meet you too. Joshie has said such sweet things about you."
I look at JC as we pull outta the parking lot. "Like what?"
"You make him laugh, you support what he does and that you're always there for him."
I smile cuz it's all the truth. "I try to make everyday a good day for him."
"He says he hasn't had a bad day in almost eight months."
"I'm glad to hear that."
"I wasn't supposed to tell you that. But don't tell him that I did."
"Ok. How have you been lately? It's been a few weeks."
"I've been good. I'm just excited to see my brother in a couple weeks. It'd be nice if you could come for the holiday and then Christmas."
I look at JC and smile. "We'll see what happens."
"Mom wants to talk to you. Can't wait to finally meet you. Been hearing about you for so long."

I smile. "I can't wait to meet you either."
JC smiles. "Who now?"
"Your mom."
"Sam, how are you sweetheart?"
"I'm good. How about you, mama Chasez?" I started calling her mama Chasez near Halloween.
"Very good and excited to see Josh. It's been five months." He went back home for Father's Day. He spent a whole weekend with them. He's flying out to Bowie the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and flying back to LA mid-afternoon on the Sunday after it.
"I know. He's excited too, I'm sure."
"I can't wait for us to spend our first Christmas with you."
"I can wait either, mama Chasez."
We pull in his driveway and he cuts the engine. "I wanna talk to mom, please, baby."
"Josh would like to talk to you for a minute."
"I'll hold on."
I hand him the phone and we head inside his place. I've gotten used to his house. "Mom, I miss you guys too. Would it be ok if I bring company? Ok, could I use my old room and my company use Heather and Tyler's rooms? Ok. Thanks, mom. No, I'm not telling you because it's a surprise. You'll like who I'm bringing. Yes, you know them. No, you haven't met them before." He laughs. "Ok, love you too. No, you've talked to them on the phone a lot. I'm not telling you. It'll ruin the element of surprise. Here's Sam." He smiles, gives me a kiss, puts his cell on the counter, helps me get on the counter, and hands me his cell. "Don't tell her."
"I won't, Josh." I seal the deal with a kiss. He smiles. "Mama Chasez?"
"What's the big surprise?"
"He said I can't tell you."
"Will I like it?"
"I really think you will."
"Ok, I trust you. Here, Roy wants to talk to you."

JC's standing in front of me with his hands next to my hips on the counter. My eyes bug and I point at him. He smiles. His dad takes the phone. "Sam, how are you?"
"I'm good, papa." I started calling his dad papa around Halloween, but haven't spoken to him often.
"Karen is trying to figure out who Joshua could be bringing home."
"I'm sure she will love the surprise." I smile at Josh.
"How have you and Joshua been?"
"We're doing very well, papa."
"How are the lil ones?"
"They're getting good grades, getting big and very excited for Christmas. They are excited to meet Tyler, Heather, mama Chasez and you, papa."
"Glad to hear that. Isn't today when you get the cast off?"
"Yes, papa. We were leaving the hospital when Tyler called Josh."
"That's one thing I like about you."
"What's that, papa?"
"You respect Joshua and us enough to call him by his real name."
"I love his name."
"Why?"
"It just flows so well together." He looks at me, irked cuz he knows I'm gonna say his middle name. "Joshua Scott Chasez." I smile and give him a kiss.
He shrugs. His dad laughs. "As long as you two are happy together, I'm fine with it."
I smile. "That means so much, papa."
"I'm gonna let you kids go. Keep in touch."
"Everyday, papa."
"I love you two."
"We love you too, papa." He hangs up and I hand JC his phone. "Your dad kinda scares me."

"Why? He's not that tough."
"His tone is just so grrrrr."
He laughs. "Dad is strict, but he's not too bad about it. I turned out alright."
"Yeah. I'm just nervous about meeting him."
He kisses me. "Don't be. Ask Justin. No, he'd just scare you more than you are. Ask Lance."
"He'd tell the truth?"
"Yes. He would tell you all about dad."
My cell phone rings. "Hello?"
"It's James."
"Just who I need to talk to."
"What did or didn't I do?"
"Nothing. I just have a question and Josh said you're the best one to ask cuz you won't scare me more than I already am."
"Ask away."
"What's his dad like?"
He laughs. "I'm sorry. Is that what this about?"
"Well, yeah. I'm meeting them in a couple weeks."
"I thought it was Christmas?"
"Moved it up cuz he wants to meet some of my family. Just to be fair."
"How far is Bowie from your hometown?"
"Eight hour drive."

"Ok. I get what he's doing. His dad is understanding, sweet, strict, protective and supportive. You've got nothing to worry about."
"Ok. Thanks. What was on your mind?"
"Just wanted to see if I could swing by to hang out."
JC's making pancakes for he and I. "Josh, James would like to know if he could swing by."
"He on his way?"
"You already out and about?"
"No, I'm still in my pajamas. I have no other plans and I'd like to hang out with you two."
"Nah, he's still in his pjs, Josh."
"Sure, just wait till eleven."
"He said you can come over around eleven. We have to eat and clean up a bit."
"Alright! Eleven it is. See ya soon."
"See ya." We hang up. I get our places set at the counter and pour OJ for us.
JC smiles. "I'm sure you and dad will get along just fine, Sam."
"I believe you."
"Dad likes you."
"How do you know?"
"He told me that he likes when you call him papa. He doesn't usually let my girlfriends call him papa or dad. He also told me that he thinks you're a sweet girl."
I look at him. "Did he really?"
"Yes. He told me if I fuck this up, I'll need a lobotomy."
I laugh. "I love that. Brain switch. I hope I do get along with him."

"Have you talked to Nick or Aaron lately?"
"No, have you?"
"No, not since last week."
"Hmmmmnnnnn... I guess I should call them after we eat."
"Yeah. Just to make sure they're alive."
"If they died, I'll bring them back to life just to beat them to death."
JC laughs. "I love your humor."
"Well, I would!"
He shakes his head. He grabs my plate and puts pancakes on my plate. I put strawberry preserves on em. I hand him his plate. He puts his pancakes on his plate when he's done cooking them. "How would you bring them back to life?"
"I dunno. Thanks, Josh."
"You're welcome, Sam." He gives me a kiss. We hold hands as we eat, outta complete habit. I wash the dishes and he throws in a load of laundry. He finds the pair of underwear I was wearing a couple days before. "I found the pair of scandies you couldn't find this morning." He holds them up near the laundry room and I crack up. It's a blue thong with multicolor hearts on it. His fave pair that I have. I have no clue why he likes them so much.
I walk over, take them from him and put them in the washer. "Wash em, not showcase em." I smile.
He finishes loading the washer, adds the soap and softener and turns it on. He comes up behind me as I turn the water off and dry my hands. I turn around to face him. He kisses me. "Call Nick."

I smile, pull out my cell and call Nick. Lauren picks up.
"Hello?"
"Lauren, hey. What's up?"
"Nothing much. What about you?"
"Haven't heard from Nick or Aaron in a week and a half."
I hear Nick in the background. "Who's on the phone, baby?"
"Sam. You didn't call her yet? You said you were gonna tell her for the past three weeks."
He takes the phone and covers the mouth piece. I can still make out some of what he says. Something about not ready to tell me and he'd do it by Thanksgiving. He answers. "Hey, Sam."
"Nick, I have really good hearing. What haven't you told me?"
"Well, um, the results came back."
"What about it?"
"Well, unh, can I just tell you later?"
"Only if you plan on stopping by before 2 today."
I hear him slap his forehead. "That's hardly fair."
"So isn't keeping the results from me. Is that why you've been quiet when we train? Avoided me otherwise? I don't care if you have Lauren tell me. I just wanna know."
"Yes, that's why. Lauren, can you tell her the results? She said no. I guess I'll be over in a little while."
"See ya then, Nick."

I shake my head as I hang up. "That explains why we haven't heard from him in almost two weeks. Besides training. Let's find out why Aaron hasn't answered me. Or posted anything to his twitter about me." I dial Aaron's number.
Aaron's laughing. "Hello?"
"Aaron! How the hell are ya?"
"Fuck. Um, I'm ok."
"I know the results came in."
He's silent for a minute. He groans and sighs. "You call Nick?"
"He's not ready to tell me, but he's coming over later to tell me. Unless he pusses out."
"You, um, you are related to us."
"Thank you. Was that so hard?"
"You're not excited? Or mad?"
"Happy and a little excited, but not mad."
"Oh. We thought you would've freaked out."
"Why? Cuz I have who knows how many more family members to remember? I'm just happy to know part of my dad's side of the family, a part nobody knew about."
"Oh, ok. Hold on, Nick just texted me." He answers the text. "I told him that I did talk to you and that I said to wait till he comes over. I wasn't supposed to tell you."
"Ok. Thanks. I won't tell him. Keep in touch. You know all my info."
"Now that you know, I will."
"I love you, Acey."
"I love you, too."

I hang up. JC looks at me. "What was that about?"
"I was right about being related."
"Oh."
"But we can't let on that we know when Nick gets here. Aaron told Nick he told me to wait till Nick gets here. He wasn't supposed to tell me."
Lance comes over just after eleven and we go swimming in JC's pool. Nick calls my cell to lemme know he's on his way. I have my iPod playing pandora radio and Tupac's 'I Get Around' comes on as Justin pops in and the four of us sing along. Nick comes in the side gate cuz he hears us in the back yard being nerds. Nick crouches at the edge of the pool and splashes me. "I need to talk to you. Alone." He puts his hands out to help me get out of the pool. We head to the kitchen and I dry my hair with a towel I had left by the glass doors. He sighs. "Sit down."
I sit across from him. "What's the big deal about not telling me?"
"Honestly, I thought you'd jump up, tackle me, and shriek about it."
"Not worth it."
"Ok." He swallows a few times and starts messing with my iPod. "We are related. How we are? I'm not sure and to find out we'd have to trace back on our family trees to know."
I nod. "Ok, that's cool. Just means my family is bigger and it's a side of the family that I didn't know existed, per se."

"It's like you knew."
"I've had a feeling we are for over a decade."
"So you just wanted an answer?"
"Yeah, pretty much. Wanna meet some of your psychotic family by marriage? It's my mom's side." I smile like a dork.
"Can it wait till after the holidays?"
"Sure. January sound good? I can figure out exactly when with Josh later."
"Won't the kids go?"
"No, they're seeing that side in a couple weeks and again for Christmas."
"Josh and I will figure it out. I'm gonna aim between the 11th and 20th. I wanna fly there the 11th and be back by the 20th. Stay for a week. So mark those days as busy."
"Who's gonna watch the kids?"
I get up, walk to the glass doors and look at JC. "Josh!" I signal for him to come to me.
He gets outta the pool and comes to me, making sure to give me a kiss when he's close. "What's on your mind, beautiful mystery?"
"Would you mind watching the kids for a week in January? So Nick can meet ma's side of the fam? Please?"

"When exactly?"
"Between the eleventh and twentieth?"
He closes his eyes. "Can I call for help? The flights are gonna be timed when?"
"Yes, call the guys for help. I will plan the flights around our schedule. The one going out will probably be around 10:20 in the morning and the incoming will be at night."
He nods. "We can talk about it tonight, after the kids go to bed."
"Thanks, Josh."
He goes back to talk to Lance. "Maybe is better than no. Figure out if Aaron or any of your sisters wanna go."
"Alright. I'll do that by New Year's."
"Any questions?"
"You're dating him."
"No, we're still talking about it."
"Then you've gotta be giving him some damn good tail."
"What makes you say that?"
"He came when you called him and gave you a kiss right away."
"He's been doing that."
"I didn't do that at first."
"We are not dating, Nicholas."
"Riiiiiggggghhhhhhttttttt. Can Lauren come?"
"Next trip to MA."
"Ok. I'm gonna let her know. I hope she understands."

"She will. You're just meeting them for the first time." I grab my cell. "Sit tight. For a minute." Three rings.
"Hey, daughter of mine."
"Hey Ma. I have some family coming with me in January and we need a place to crash."
"How long?"
"A week."
"Wait. Family?"
"Yeah. Darryl's side but they don't act like him at all. More like Boyd."
"You know how I feel." She sighs.
"Ma, you'll like em."
"How many?"
"Me and maybe two of them."
"Can I talk to one of them at least, preferably the oldest."

I slide my phone open to put it on speaker. "Mom, say hi to Nick."
"Hi, Nick."
He looks like he's ready to kick my ass for this. "Hi, um..." I mouth Vikki to him and write it down. "Hi, Vikki."
"So you're related to my daughter. Rules if you stay here-don't leave a mess, don't terrorize my bird and Sam has rule when I'm not here."
"Huh?"
"Darryl's side alright. Sam, you can drill it in between now and then. When exactly?"
"Between the twelfth and the twentieth. January."
"So after your birthday. Ok. Want me to leave a cheesecake for you?"
"Strawberry please?"
"Ok. Who are the other ones?"
"He's the oldest of five. He has one brother, Aaron and three sisters, Bobbie, Leslie and Angel."
"You know I don't like people I don't know in my place."
"Ma, trust me on this, they don't want your shit." I lean on the door jam and watch JC, Lance and Justin goofing off.
"Fine. How are you and the kids getting here?"
"What?"
"Thanksgiving."
"Oh, we're flying in the Monday just before and leaving mid-afternoon Wednesday."
"We could move it up to Tuesday night."
"He doesn't get to Bowie until then. We, lemme talk to Josh." I walk over to the glass doors and mute my cell. "Josh! Thanksgiving plans. Ma."

He comes in again. I unmute my cell. Josh kisses me. "Hi, miss Vikki."
"Josh, what time do you get to Bowie?"
"Around six thirty Tuesday evening."
"Could you be at my place for noon and spend the night? I will most likely go to Rick's."
"Um, I'd have to get up around three in the morning and out the door by quarter till four to be there for noon." He bobs his head from side to side for a minute. "Lemme see if I can move my flight to a red eye for Monday night or Tuesday morning. I'll get back to you, miss Vikki."
"Thank you, Josh."
"You're welcome." He pulls out his cell and calls the company to see what he can do about it.
"Ma, I'll call you back about Josh when he moves the tickets up, if he can. I love you."
"Love ya too."

We hang up and JC stands behind me. He puts his hand on the side of my face, gently pushing my head so I look at him. "That's fine if the ticket is a little more. Yeah." He gives me a kiss. "Monday at 10:43 in the morning? That's the Monday just before Thanksgiving? Yes, that's perfect. Thank you." He hangs up and kisses my lips. "Let's give your mom a call back."
I call my mom back. She picks up. "Forget something?"
JC laughs. "Not exactly, miss Vikki. I can make it for noon on Tuesday, spend the night, then we have to see a friend and family of Sam's all day Wednesday. Then we have a ten hour drive from Manchester, NH to Bowie."
"Oh. That's good. Or just see our family Tuesday?"
"We don't have it quite fine tuned yet. We will by the weekend before."
"Ok. Thanks and I can't wait to meet you."
"Same here, miss Vikki and you're welcome."
"Bye."
"Bye." I hang up. JC shakes his head. "What was that about?"
"Told her about Nick and she isn't quite excited about that."
He nods. "Our planes leave within twenty minutes of each other."
I think. "Ours is around 10:27 and yours is 10:43, both the Monday of Thanksgiving. I think that's 16 minutes. How is this gonna work?"
"Noon Tuesday?"
"She was hoping for it so she could have time to get ready for and go to work. She works to stay busy and pay her bills."
"Ok, I'm not great with the time zone thing. We leave here at our times and they're straight flights."
I close my eyes. "Both flights are somewhere near five hours. Leave here ten am-ish, that's three in the afternoon here. Makes it around six or seven there. You'd have the evening with your family. You have to drive eight hours or so to get to Fitchburg. Be at Ma's for noon. Leave your parents' in Bowie around 3:30 in the morning to be on time. You know Aaliyah will be watching the clock as she waits for you. I can have mom make cheesecake!" I shake my head. "Back to the subject. Eat with Ma, she leaves for work by quarter past two, we can go see a couple of my cousins, my nieces and nephews. I don't have many friends around there anymore. Maybe three? Yeah, pretty much. The rest have moved away. Go back to Ma's, eat dinner, bed. See Dawn the next day for a couple hours and head to Bowie. It's a basic plan but it should work."
He looks at me, surprised. "That sounded pretty well planned to me for a basic plan."
"Sorry."
"It's ok. It's a good plan. The focus of it is Dawn on Wednesday, huh? I think it's unbelievably sexy that you're this intelligent. Fuck!"
I smile. "I would but we have company." JC looks at Justin, Lance and Nick. "Later, after the kids go to bed. Not now."
"Promise?"
"You know I don't make promises."
"Yeah. I know because you don't wanna break em."
I give him a kiss. "Unless I know I can keep them." He hugs me. "Go on. We have a week and a half until we head to the other coast."
"You excited?"
"More nervous than anything. C'mon, we're talking about meeting part of our families."
JC smiles. "Well, actually, it's most of my family."
I look at him, completely terrified. "What!?!?!"
He winces, smiling. "Most of them know about you."
"Since when?"

"Since the VMAs. That's why my cell kept going off. I was texting family, answering their questions. My mom told them to watch the VMAs pre-show."
"Now I'm not only gonna freak the fuck out over the flights there and back, meeting your dad, and now almost your whole family. I'm scared shitless now."
Nick tries not to laugh. "You have no idea what my mom's like. That's something to fear."
JC smiles. "My parents, brother and sister like you. I'm sure my family will love you."
I throw my head back and sigh. "Josh, graim thu, but this is why I'm so glad my family doesn't get together like yours for the holidays. I have family in so many states."
"Which ones?"
I close my eyes. "MA, ME, WI, IA, CO, ID, and a few others I can't think of right now."
Nick's curiosity is peaked. "You still can't say that in English?"
I'm confused at Nick's random question. "What?!"
"You still can't say 'I love you' in English?"
"No, I'm scared to say it. Don't knock our methods."
He puts his hands up, defensively. "I'm not. Just think it's odd you two feel the way you do and can't say it, even after almost two months of 'not dating'. I'm not dumb." He did the air quotes as he said 'not dating'.
"Nick, we are talking about getting together."
"Yeah, right, and I'm dirt broke."
I roll my eyes. "Nick, we are not seeing each other. Yet."
"You paused before saying yet."
"Nick."
"Sam."
"Nicholas."
"Samantha."
"Nicholas Gene."
"That's no fair. I don't know your middle name."

"You'll learn it quick in a couple months. I'm probably gonna end up saying shit that's gonna end up getting my first and middle names said."
"You are definitely a Carter."
I shrug and look at JC. "Back to our subject. Are you sure?"
"Yes." His cell rings. "Hello? Uh, maybe Thanksgiving. I'm bringing a friend. Nah, ya gotta be nice to her. You scare her off, I'll be ripshit. Dude, not funny. I really like her. Um, not yet? You can find out in August like everyone else. I am not whipped." I grab the crotch of his shorts and he gives me the 'you know it's not fair' look. I give him an innocent look and he sees I have a skirted bikini bottom on. He smiles at me and his hand slips under the skirted part, touching my clit. He continues his conversation, rubbing my clit. I'm so glad Nick can't see this. "I swear, man. I mean, well, no. I'm holding out for her. I want her. Mmmmph, no way. I only want the woman I've been kinda seeing for close to eight months. Maybe in a couple weeks. Yeah, see ya then. Bye."
I'm watching JC's expressions as he talks and hangs up, realizing it was probably a good friend of his from back home. "A friend of yours?"
"It's that evident to you?"
"Yeah. Guess I know your expressions and how they change, depending on who it might be."
He raises an eyebrow. "You watch me?"
I laugh. "I watch people, mainly friends, family and y'know. I learn their patterns, habits, and behaviors. To know them better."
"Mmmmmm-hmmmmmnnnnn."

"Like when James is on the phone with Diane versus Stacy. He's on the phone with Diane, he smiles and has that 'love you, mom' face. When he talks with Stacy, he rolls his eyes when she bitches. Nick, he talks to his dad, he laughs more. He talks to his mom, he has the 'fuck, Ma, I can handle it and you're pissing me off' face. You talk to your mom, your face is softer than when you talk to your dad. You talk to papa, you look so serious. I watch the people around me." I shrug.
He kisses my forehead and smiles. "I guess so. Just do me a favor?"
"What's that?" I put my head on his chest.
"Smile more and be real when we go to Bowie?"
"I can do that."
"What's for dinner tonight?"
I look at him. "Completely random and off subject."
"I love that bread thing you make. The one with cheese, tomatoes, onions, spinach and garlic bread."
"You want bruschetta? I can make fettucini alfredo with chicken and broccoli."
"Mmmm. That sounds perfect. Who's place are we staying at tonight?"
"Mine."
"JC, you lucky bastard. You get a four course meal!"
I look at Nick. "He can count!"
"Why does he get four course meals?"
"Stretches the food and can feed up to seven."
"Oh."
"Let's get some sunshine and vitamin D." I smile at JC and Nick.
We hang out, swim and talk until 2:30. We get the kids from school, go to my place, I multitask by making dinner and helping the kids with their homework, we eat. The whole time we talk about the day and everything that's happened that day. They have their hour and a half of tv, an hour before showers and a half after. JC and I talk about the fast approaching trip for the next two holidays. We concentrate on Thanksgiving, mainly. He looks at the clock. "Tv off, bedtime." He gets up and shuts the tv off. I get Aaliyah to bed and he handles the boys. We read to them and tuck em in. We sit to watch a movie and talk. About 15 minutes after the kids are in bed, his cell rings and he answers it. "Hello? Bobbi." He pinches the bridge of his nose and puts his elbows on his knees. He sighs, listening. "It's done. I've moved on. I honestly don't care. I enjoy the woman in my life, even if it means she has kids. She loves me and wants nothing but my time. No, I'm not being an asshole, I'm also not gonna act like what you did didn't hurt me." He looks at me, wanting help. "No, I'm not rescuing you." He holds his cell out, away from his ear.

I motion that I want his cell. He hands it to me, more than happy to. "Bobbi, listen."
"Who the fuck are you?"
"Sam. Hiya. Listen."
"No, you fucking listen bitch."
"He said no. You need to let go and move on. Your lives are separate."
"What?"
"Yes, I did say that."
"Who the fuck gave you the right to speak to me?"
"Josh. He handed me his cell." She hangs up. I shrug. "I didn't even get the chance to say much."
"Bobbi just likes to make my life hell."
"Change your number."
"She gets ahold of it somehow every time."
"I have no clue. I know you're happy with me. I trust you."
He sighs. "You're so understanding."
"Been in your shoes. I can't wait to stuff you with my mom's cooking and her, oh I miss it, CHEESECAKE! There's strawberry, blueberry, raspberry, cherry, apple and they are sooooo fucking good!!!"
"Can you make them?"

"Yeah. But I want Ma to get you hooked. You'll be like Justin to his grandma's peach cobbler." I smile.
"Really?"
"I was pregnant with Mikal and it was during the holidays. I ate a whole, I mean all of it, cheesecake. I'm having a shitty day, Ma's cheesecake makes everything better. It kills my sweet tooth for weeks!"
He laughs to himself. "That's how I feel about your bru, brush, bread thing."
I laugh. "The bruschetta?"
"Yeah, that."
"My brother's ex taught me."
"How many of his exes do you talk to?"
"His ex wife, Sasha and his ex finacee, Mandy."
"Why?"
"Sasha is just always there and I took a liking to Mandy. Sasha is my sister by all definition and the mom to my nieces and nephews. I have five from her, but her oldest daughter is my biological niece. Mandy and I are like best friends. She calls and I go into my whole 'girl' thing and by the time I hang up I have a Georgia accent. It lasts for a little while, maybe a day." My cell rings. "Mandy! I was just talking about you!"

"Sam. How are you, baby?"
"I'm good. How is Thorsha?"
"Big! He's already one!"
"My goodness." I put her on speaker. "What's on ya mind, girl?"
"I heard through the grapevine you left Joe and with this oh, so sweet man."
"That I did, girl, that I did. His name is Josh." JC hears the accent start to come into my voice and gives me a kiss, smiling.
"Well, is he there!?"
JC laughs. "Hello. Yes, I am here with her."
"You both have the happy glow in your voices!"
"How are you?"
"I'm doing good. How are you, Josh?"
"I'm very good."
"How are you holding up with Sam and the babies? Tell me about her babies! How'd ya meet? Are you dating?"
He smiles. "About eight months ago, she was looking for an address and it was my neighbor's. It was for a cleaning position. I let her work for me, we clicked right off the bat. She met some friends of mine and they love the fucking shit outta her. We started dating a few days after Demitryus's birthday. How am I holding up? Pretty good. The kids are so smart! Mikal turns ten in February and is getting all A's and B's, Aaliyah just turned seven a few months ago and passing everything, Demitryus is just as smart as the other two and on a different wavelength. He outsmarts them like you'd never believe!"
"That's alot. You are very close to her. Would you mind if I asked what your last name is?"
"Don't tell a soul. Just between us?" I have to make sure she won't say anything.
"Not even my daddy will know his last name."
He smiles. "JC Chasez."
"As in the guy from um *NSYNC?"
"Yeah. Blue eyes, dark hair and kinda scrawny? That's me."
I look at him, a bit annoyed. "You are not scrawny, Josh!"
He laughs. "I think I am."
Mandy snaps outta her moment of damn. "Ooooohhhh, girl. He treat you good?"
"Girl, he babies us. He spends tons of time with us, he's soo helpful and well, he is A-MA-ZING!"
"Does he talk to you? Respect you? Help with the babies?"
"Yes. We talk about everything. He respects me more than I could ever want to be. He helps in every single way imaginable when it comes to the kids."
"One more question-how do you like him when you have time alone?"
"Like? I love our time alone. He brought me to a whole 'nother level recently, girl."
"Good to hear. Josh, if I hear that she kicked your white ass, I'm just gonna laugh at and with you."
"She's getting self defense classes. She can already flip me over and take over during that moment."
"You go, girl! Take it! Make it yours!" Mandy laughs.
Josh smiles. "I like it. It, um, tur-turns me on. It's very attractive." He rubs the back of his neck.
I look at him and raise my eyebrow, smiling. He kisses me and pulls me close. "I will call you later, Mandy."
"I can tell you're having a hell of a time keeping your body and his apart."
"Love ya, Mandy!" I kiss JC, trying so hard to wait.
"Love ya too, baby. Joshua?"
He kisses me, puts his forehead on mine and holds my face in place knowing what I'm fighting. "Yeah?" I straddle him.
"Treat her good. Hurt her and I swear you won't wanna talk to me."
He rolls his eyes. "I will. I've done nothing but help her, treat her and the kids like they're my world, and protect them."
"Good. Have fun you two."
I giggle as he growls and purrs as he kisses my neck. "Oh yeah. We will." I hang up and start grinding him. We spend about twenty minutes grinding. I pull JC's shirt off him. "Unh. Taim ag teacht. Unh, ah, ha. Oh! Taim ag teacht! Yeah, yes." I put my head on his shoulder and blush.

He rubs my back. "You act embarrassed."
I sit up and look at him. "I have never done that."
"You've never dry humped?"
I bite my bottom lip and shake my head. "Nope."
He scratches just behind his ear, near his hairline. "Well, I guess I've been the first for a couple things."

Someone slams on my door. "Who the fuck would have the audacity to slam on my damn door at" I check the clock "almost ten at night?" I get up and answer the door, the chain still on it. It's Joe. "What?"
"Come back to me."
"No. I'm happy and moving on. I have company and you need to leave."
Joe starts to bob. He's been drinking. "Go back to your apt and sleep that shit off."
"Not until you say you're coming back with me."
"No, go home." I quietly undo the chain and look at JC, scared shitless. I open the door the rest of the way and Joe grabs me by my upper arms, shaking me. "JOSH!"
JC flies from Aaliyah's room and pries Joe's hands off me. He stands between us and when he's in front of me, blocking Joe, I drop to the floor. "She said no, she's happy and you need to go home. She made up her mind. That's it." Joe pushes JC, JC shoves him back, and slams and locks the door. I'm crying. JC picks me up from the floor, brings me to the couch and holds me. "Shhhhh. I'm here. You're safe." He's rubbing my back and holding me close, kissing my forehead and temples. Joe starts slamming on the door again and I jump. "Is that restraining order in place?" I nod. The next court date for the divorce was the following Tuesday. He calls the cops. "Yes. My girlfriend's ex husband just came here, intoxicated, grabbed her and shoved me. I shoved him and slammed her door, locking it. There's a restraining order, I believe, in place. Thanks." He rattles off my address and hangs up. "Ten minutes." I'm crying, deathly afraid. "Shhhhh. I'm here. I got you." A few minutes after that, we hear the police telling Joe to go home and him fighting with them. I hear them cuff him and him screaming. They knock on the door and I jump. "Who is it?"

"LAPD."
"Lemme up. I'll be right back, baby." I let him up to answer the door. He unlocks the deadbolt and looks out to make sure it is an officer before undoing the chain. He closes the door enough to undo the chain and let's the officer in. He sits with me, taking me in his arms. "Hi, officer."
"What happened to her arms?"
"Her ex husband grabbed her and shook her. Please use a quieter tone, her three kids are sleeping in those rooms behind you."
"Did they wake up at all?"
"Yes, I had to reassure her daughter to go back to sleep."
"What happened?"
"We were sitting here, talking, when her ex husband slammed on her door. She answered the door with the chain connected and after he wouldn't leave, she unhooked the chain. She told him to leave and that she wouldn't go back to him. He grabbed her arms and shook her. That's when she yelled for me. I told him to leave, she made up her mind. He shoved me, I shoved him back and slammed the door, locking the deadbolt and reattaching the chain. He got up and pounded on the door. I called the police department."

I look at the officer. "Miss, is this true?"
I sniffle. "Yes, officer."
"Would you like to press charges?"
"Yes. I want it valid for my kids as well. I don't want to put them in jeopardy."
The officer notes it and has us both sign the report. He leaves and JC locks the deadbolt, following with the chain. He sits down and holds me close again. His cell rings. "Hello? Nah, man. It's alright. Heh, right. You get that picture? Yeah, beautiful, right? No way! She's definitely gonna be in Bowie for Christmas. Maybe. Kace, chill. She's very laid back when she needs to be. I'm gonna see if I can get her to take a hot bath to calm her nerves. No, it's not my place. Possessive ex. Yeah. He was just here. We have to go to PD to have pictures taken of the marks he left behind tomorrow. Yeah, she's gonna be fine. I will. Later." He hangs up. "Come on, mami, come take a bath and calm your nerves. Where do you keep your bath salt? You said it calms you down."
"Under the bathroom sink."
He pulls me to the bathroom, starts the water, making sure it's not too hot, puts a couple handfuls of bath salt in the water, swishes the water, turns off the faucet and we both strip. He helps me in the tub and gets in with me. He uses my puffball and fave lavender soap to wash my back and rinses it off me. I sit back and let him wash me up, slowly calming down. He rubs my shoulders. I smell lavender and cucumber melon. I close my eyes. "Josh?"
"Hmm?"
"Thank you."
"You're welcome. I protect my world."
"I feel like shit. I should've used the shit Nick taught me!" I run my hand through my hair and slap the water.
JC wraps his arms around my shoulders, pulling me close.
"You were thinking of keeping the kids safe."
"Yeah. I just feel so stupid."
"You're not."
I giggle. "It's kinda funny."
"What? How's it funny?"
"Well, we dry humped, I came and then he came here? What if he heard me cum?"

JC thinks about it for a minute. "Yeah, it's kinda funny." I sigh, calming down. He starts running his fingers through my hair. "You kind of excited about Thanksgiving?"
"Yeah. I guess. I get to see my nieces and nephews."
"My brother and sister are estatic about meeting you." I look at him like I don't believe it. "No, really. My best friend, Kace, is completely hell bent on trying to push your buttons. His wife is excited to meet you. My cousins are surprised I'm in a committed relationship. My aunts and uncles are, um, a bit concerned. My mom is nervous and my dad loves you already."
"I think Ma is just like whatever, my brother doesn't care, Dawn's hoping you keep me as happy as you have, and my cousins are like 'he breaks your heart, we can break his ego'. I don't know about them sometimes."
He lightly laughs. "My cousins, the girls mainly, are like if she breaks your heart and we see her, we're gonna kick her ass." He shakes his head.
"Meh. I'm not too close to em anymore."
"I'm very close to my family."
I start playing with the water, feeling relaxed. "Your family supported you. Mine shot me down. Yours embraced you, mine pushed me away. Alternate worlds."

His cell rings, prompting him to get outta the tub. "Be right back, beautiful." He gives me a kiss, wraps in a towel, grabs a towel and leaves the bathroom. I wash and condition my hair, shave and drain the tub. I get out dry my body, wrap my hair, and put a second towel around my body. I go into my room and overhear JC on the phone. "-knew. She makes me smile. No. I might, sometime in the future. I'm not gonna say much." I stand behind him on the other side of the bed. "If I could explain her, I would. Ha! Not a fucking chance, fucker." He flops back on my bed with his eyes closed. I walk around the bed as he puts his arm under his head. He keeps his eyes closed. "She's so beautiful inside and out. Of course she has faults. She's human." He listens to what who he's talking to has to say, eyes closed and relaxed. I stand beside his legs. "Dallas, if you KNEW her, well, just if you only knew." I quickly straddle his waist. He jumps and looks at me, quickly sitting up. "Baby, you naked under there?" I smile. He raises an eyebrow, stripping the towel off me. He thrusts his hips toward me. "I mean it, man. She blows my mind and can be so spontaneous when it comes to certain things. If you knew half-"
"Don't even, Josh."

"She said I can't tell you the places- that's my favorite place. Ha! You know it. I'm gonna let you go, she needs attention." He laughs. "You'd kick my ass. My dad told me if I fucked this up, he'd pay for a lobotomy. Cool. See you the week before Christmas. Yeah. Bye." He hangs up, tossing his cell onto my dresser. I look at him with my arms crossed. "It's just Dallas. He won't say anything and he knows you're not a groupie. Don't look at me like that. I told him I've known you for eight months and I have a friend, you, who's beautiful inside and out, supports what I do, is good to me and I would like to be with."
"Josh, I know you better than that."
"Ok, I may have let it slip that we are together but made him swear not to tell anyone. Then he asked how well you take care of me. I told him if he only knew. Then how I feel about you came up. How you feel about me. He asked if you'd cheat. All the relevant questions and that he knows a couple of my favorite places to do it. Like my studio, he's overheard me talking about it."
"Is this Dallas as in the one you went to Atlanta to see? Like four months ago and you were gone for almost three fucking weeks, leaving me high and fucking dry?"
"Yeah. That dirty phone call when we were talking about my studio, that's how he knows."
I feel him thrust his hips under me. I bite my bottom lip. "Unh. Mmm. Stop it. This is serious. What would he kick your ass about?"
"If he caught me and you, y'know, in his studio."
I laugh. "Just like if my mom knew we made love her bed or shower. Heh, what they don't know."
"Ooooh. Dirty." He kisses me, lays back, pulling me with him, I feel my hips go up off his for two seconds. I felt the towel until I was lifted, landed with my hands on the bed and sat back down. There was no towel between us now. I slide my feet to the inside of his legs, bow my head and dry my hair with the towel before throwing it across the room. He puts his hand on my body so that his finger tips brush the bottom of my breast. He moves his hand between my breasts, back down, and to my hip. He does the same thing with his other hand. I lean over him, kissing him, as I do body waves. Grinding my pussy on his dick, I feel him getting hard. He slides his tongue in my mouth and he encircles mine as I do the same to him. He's beginning to thrust upward again, knowing if we move just right he could get his dick inside without touching it. I keep grinding him as he thrusts upward. His dick gets in me and I moan. I want it so very bad. "You always feel good. Oh, fuck! Yes!" I sit up and ride him, without inhibitions. He starts playing with my clit and I shiver and moan. I let my feet move back so they're outside his legs. His other hand moves to my nipple, pinching and twisting it.
I hear him grunting as I get close to my first climax. "Oh, ah, uh, y-yeah, fuck yeah, fuck me! Veux m'enculer! AHHHHHHH YEAH!" I cum, he sits up, holds me tightly and rolls us over, never pulling out. He hasn't gotten off yet and he keeps going. He grabs my hands, puts them over my head and pins them with one hand. He puts his other hand on my hip, holding me so I can't pull away. I'm pushing back, in rhythm with his movements. He slides me to the middle of the bed and puts his full weight on me, to kiss me. We moan into each other's mouths. The vibrations of his moaning are driving me crazy, making me get closer to another climax, cuz I can feel it from my lips down to my hips. I start to shiver uncontrollably, I get off and deal with a prolonged climax, enjoying every second of the climax. He gets off about 15 minutes later as he bites my neck, which makes me climax like he has been when he needs me to really get him off. "OH OH OH MY FUCKING YEAH AHHHHHH!!!"

"Fuck, yeah! Ahhhhhh!" He collapses on me, his head rests next to mine, touching my shoulder, both of us breathing like we just danced for three hours. After a few minutes, he's breathing a little easier. "I made you do the one on top of the other again." I nod. He kisses me. "Sam?"
"Hmm?"
"You ever wonder what it would have been like if I had met you during a tour?"
"Josh, honestly, not since you released 'Schizo'."
"Weren't you married then?"
"Two years in."
"Before you got married. The last tour before you got married."
"I think it's the 'No Strings' tour you're thinking of."
"That's over ten years ago!"
"Yeah. I got married in 02. Just over 5 months before 'Celebrity' dropped. By the time it dropped, I was almost three months pregnant with Mikal. I was pregnant with Aaliyah the year you dropped 'Schizo' and pregnant with Demitryus when you tried to release 'Kate'. I had no idea. Between 04 and, well, even now I don't care for tv. I watch one show a week since April last year. Before that, I'd watch it sporadically. Depending on if I had Internet or cable."
"What show?"
"You're on it. Haven't really watched it since being with you, meeting you. Too busy with everything." I laugh.
I feel him smile and kiss my shoulder. I feel a shiver. "Josh?"
"Hunh?"
"I can't appreciate anyone more than you."
He lifts his body to look at me. "What's that supposed to mean?"
I smile. "Your words have helped me through so much. Regardless of whether you were with the guys, on your own or whatever. The words mean the most. Even now, your words still help. Your words and voice drew me in, your personality keep my attn, and no matter what, I will always love who you are."
"Who am I to you?"
"Josh. A very talented person who was handed a chance of a lifetime, took it, ran with it, molded it and came out internally beautiful."
He lays back down, thinking about it. I can tell because he rubs my side or hip when he thinks and we're this close. "You don't see me as a celebrity? The money I've made? The things I did?"
"I've watched you create, build and do so much. I watched a great mind do it's best work. The great mind just belongs to a man who has been through hell and back in his lifetime. You're the man in my dreams, the one for so long that had no distinct facial features. Since we met, I haven't had those dreams. Since we met, I've dreamt of the ocean and the beach, just going there with you and the kids."
"What would your mom have done if you had the chance to get backstage and we ended up having sex?"

I look at the ceiling, thinking, before I crack up. "Josh, sixteen is the age for sexual consent. That would have been the last tour you and the guys had. But if I had met you, I would have been 14 or 15, too young to do that. I'd have done it anyway cuz I would do shit like that just to fucking spite my mom. I would have left my number and broke up with my ex the next day. I can just think of it now-Ma asking me how the concert was and how I liked meeting the five of you. I'd tell her the other four were busy and could only meet you. We don't talk about that night unless we're face to face." I laugh. "Then she catches us in my room the summer I turn sixteen. She freaks and finds out we've been doing it since the tour before. Man, I'd NEVER hear the end of that! Then I finish high school in 04, my original projected graduation date and move out to where you are and my mom cries like a big ole baby! I go to college and get my diploma in 09. That leaves three years untouched."
"Is that what you think?"
"It's why I'm so nervous. When you talk about me meeting your family. The age difference."
He grabs my hand and interlocks our fingers, kissing each of my finger tips. "They'll get over it. My parents have already. They've known since the weekend after the VMAs. My dad just wants us to be careful and my mom wants me happy with a good girl."
"Have I been a good girl? What do you mean by good girl?"
I feel him smile. He rests our interlocked hands near my hip as he slides to lay next to me. "Yes, you've been a very good girl. You've been honest, faithful to me, there for me, talk to me about almost everything, and help me when you can. You're what my mom calls a good girl."
"But what about my past?"
"It's done. Put it behind you. I'm here and I will not walk away. I'm in your life for good, even if we have to be just friends so the kids have a father figure."
"I'm just so fucking scared. I don't wanna upset your family. What if they hate me? What if I say something wrong? What if they don't like the kids? What-"
"Babe, Sam. You're worrying too much and over thinking it. Let me do that. I'm better at it. Just relax and go to sleep." He can tell I'm tense. He wraps his arms around me and rolls over so I'm laying on top of him. My head on his chest, he rubs my back. "Gets some sleep. Stop worrying. You'll see it doesn't matter."

The next week flies by and before I realize it, it's the day before we fly to MD and MA. JC looks at me as we pick up the kids Sunday evening. "We leave for home in the morning."
"Already? I almost don't wanna go."
Demitryus is smiling. "We miss Nana."
I look at him and smile. "I know, baby." I look at JC, who's smiling cuz he's missed his family all these months.

JC interlocks his fingers and mine. "Everything will be fine. Don't think about it. You have a bad habit of over thinking pretty much everything. Until Tuesday, I'm a phone call away to reassure you that everything will be fine. I will be there as early as I can. We've gone over and over the plans. Stop stressing out about it."
I take a deep breath. "I'm trying to not think about it." My cell rings. My caller ID is blinking 'Shaun' and after a few seconds I realize it's my cousin. "Hey, Shaun."
"Hey, little girl. I'm gonna stop by Aunt Vikki's Tuesday."
"Hunh?"
"I'm gonna be stopping by Aunt Vikki's Tuesday. She invited me a couple weeks ago."
I hang my head. "Shaun, I really. Unh. Uhm." I sigh.
"What's up? You never trip over your words like that."
"So much has changed in my life since I moved to LA. I'm not too sure how everyone's gonna handle it."
"Joe leave you? Did he touch you? Hit you? What?"
"I left Joe. I'm with a better man. I have the kids. Yes, he hit me, more than once. The man I'm with has come to my defense every time. He has been amazing to the four of us."
"I just wanna know his name."
"Josh."

JC looks at me and I shake my head. "I hear the smile you probably have plastered on your face."
"What about it?"
"You never said Joe's name like that. Does Josh treat you good?"
"Very good. He always there for me. He knows almost everything about me."
"What doesn't he know?"
"I'll probably pull out Ma's photo albums and show him. Meet the family. That's it."
"So you're bringing him?"
"Uhm, maybe." I laugh.
"You'll be there Tuesday, right?"
"Me and the kids." I look in the backseat of the SUV, smiling. "How are you and the kids?"
"Good. You guys?"
"Since being with Josh and in my own place with the kids, really good." I get a text from Jacob. "Hold on a second, Shaun." 'U coming here for Thanksgiving?'

I slide open my cell to answer. "See ya Tuesday, Shaun." 'Yes. Kids and my bf. Left Joe.'
"See ya then, I guess." He hangs up.
'Bf? Best friend?'
'Boyfriend.'
'Can I kick his ass?'
'Who's ass?'
'Your boyfriend's'
'No. He helped me as a friend to get my place and with the kids. He's a wonderful man.'
'Fuck. Are we gonna meet him and see you and the kids?'
'Most likely.'
'Cool. Ttyl'
'Ttyl.'
I shake my head. JC squeezes my hand. "What's up?"

"My older cousin wants to meet you. I showed you pictures of Shaun. He wants to meet you. Now my little cousin, Jacob, wants to terrorize you."
"How little?"
"He's 21."
"That's not very little."
"He's kinda like a little brother to me."
"How?"
"His mom took care of me and treated me like her oldest. Her first daughter. I told you about Ellen."
"Oh, yeah. Jacob and Kasey's mom."
I laugh. "Kari, Josh, Kari."
"I'm still learning. She's the one who's has the same boyfriend since she was like 14 or 15, right?"
"And she's gonna be 19 in February. Yeah, that's Kari."
"Dawn tells me that it's gonna be quite amusing."
I giggle. "She would. Dammit. I have to call her." I dial Dawn's number. Four rings.

"Hello?"
"Hey, Tiggy!"
"Girl, I miss the shit outta ya."
"Wednesday, before a ten hour drive to Bowie. Three days."
"I get to hang with you, the kids and JC."
I chuckle quietly. "Yeah. Maybe do some Christmas shopping with us. No plans are set in stone, sis. I miss you."
"I bet the kids can't wait to see your mom."
"They are psyched. I just can't wait to see you and you see us. I'm looking forward to that more than anything."
"I bet. Call me when you land?"
"I'll call you before we board and when we land. It'll be my first time driving out there."
"You'll be fine."
"I wish they didn't tear your old house down for that stupid fucking highway. I can show him the places I've lived, the schools I went to, my old hangouts, old friends' houses, and tell him about Thayer Pond." I put my head back on the seat.
"He's gonna be like 'whoa, that's alot' and wonder how you stayed so strong."
I close my eyes, rubbing the bridge of my nose. "I hope he understands everything. Understands the shit I went through. The neighborhoods I lived in weren't exactly like where he lives."
"What about Bowie? He may not have been in a great neighborhood either. Think of that?"
"He has better friends than I do. I have one friend who stands behind me to this day. Thanks."
"It's what I do. See ya Wednesday. Miss you. Love you. Keep in touch."
"Love and miss you too. Wednesday. Will do." I hang up. "I can't wait for you to see how I grew up, show you what I dealt with."
"That's your past and for what it's worth, thanks. I'll show you some of mine."
We get back to his house, get the kids in bed and finish packing before we shower and head to bed. We wake up and get everything ready to go and get the kids showered and dressed. The cab shows up and we head to the airport. We grab our bags, check in, sit down and I start fidgeting. "What's wrong, baby?"
"I don't like flying. The plane, the heights. None of it."
"I've been doing it for so long, it doesn't phase me anymore."
We hear my flight be called. He walks us to the gate. He hugs each of the kids. "Be good for mom. She can call me. I will be at Nana's by one in the afternoon on Tuesday. Then we have plans. Ok?" They smile and jump up and down. He hugs and kisses me. "I will call you when my plane touches down in Baltimore. You call me when yours touches down in Boston."
I nod. "Ok." I give him one last hug and kiss before boarding the plane with the kids. I get them settled in with books, paper and other activities for the flight. The almost six hour flight is peaceful and doesn't seem like it took that long. I get the kids off the plane and get a rental car for us. I pick up the luggage, the car pulls up, I load the kids in and get the luggage in the trunk. I get in, sigh, look at the kids and smile.
Aaliyah remembers what Josh told me. "Mommy, call Josh. Let him know we made it. We're ok."
"Thanks, baby." I turn my cell on and see he texted me.
'Beautiful, landed in Baltimore safe. Called you. Must not have landed yet. Call me when you do. J'amour tu, ma belle.'
I smile and dial him, putting him on speaker. It rings. "Hey, Josh."
"You're safe."
I start the car and head to my mom's. "Yes, we made it safe. On the way to my mom's. You get to your parents' yet?"
"I'll be there soon. I miss you."
"I miss you too. I have a 45 minute drive to my mom's."
"How were the kids on the plane?"
"Occupied." We laugh. "I'm nervous about Tuesday, tomorrow."
"Don't be. Everything will be just fine."
"I can't wait to have this holiday done." I smile to myself. "Christmas will be a breeze."
He laughs. "No nervousness on Christmas. I just pulled up to my parents'." I hear a car door and house door open and shut on his end of the line. His mom hugs him. "Mom says hi. See you tomorrow. Miss you crazy."
"Miss you. Hi, mama Chasez. Hug everyone for me."
"Will do. Bye. I'll call before I go to bed."
"Ok. Talk to you in a couple hours."
"Bye." He hangs up.
I look in the rearview mirror at the kids. Demitryus is the only one awake. "Hey, Lil Man. Excited to see Nana?"
"Yeah. Can't wait." He yawns.
I turn the radio on and roll the window down a little, to stay awake. I adjust the station at a red light just before hitting the highway for Ma's. I find Mix 98.5, change it to Magic 106.7 and leave it. After the last few notes of the song play, Richard Marx's 'I Will Be Right Here Waiting For You' comes on and a smile crosses my face. Demitryus falls asleep as it plays. I get on the highway and get to Ma's. I pull up next to her house and call her.
Two rings. "Where are you, daughter of mine?"
I step outta the car and wave as she looks outside. "Outside your house." We hang up. She comes outside and hugs me.
She looks at me. "What do I do?"
"Wake em up and help em walk in the house. I'll get the bags."
She wakes up the kids and ushers them inside. I get the bags inside. She has the boys share the bottom bunk and Aaliyah on the top. I take pics with my phone and send them to Josh. We sit at her little kitchen table and talk for a little while. "You look good."
"You look better than when I left."
"Tell me about him. How he treats you."
"Ma, he's just so sweet. You'll see tomorrow."
"Tell me what he's done that's so sweet."
"He helps with the kids and is just all around amazing."
"You have a pretty big smile."
"Thanks. You call out or something?"
"I said you were coming tonight and they said I could make it up Saturday and Sunday, if I wanted. I took just tonight off."
"That's cool." I get up and look in her fridge. "Can I have a beer?"
"You drink beer?"
"Yeah. But not often. I hardly drink. You wanna see pictures? I have a bunch on my phone."
"Sure. When'd you get your license?"
"Oh, in August. Josh helped. He gave me lessons and pointers when I had my permit. Driving with him can be nerve wracking." I laugh. "But I appreciate everything he's done and helped me with." I sit next to my mom and pull out my cell, scrolling through the photos. I find the ones of Josh, the kids and myself. "These are from the first time he took us to the beach. Here's a video of him playing with us in the water. His friend James took it. I forgot to lock my cell." I play it for Ma.
"You two compliment each other so well and are great with the kids."
"Thanks. Oh! That's his friend, Justin. That's Nick. Alex and Rochelle. Howie and Leigh." I name people off as I scroll through the pictures. I tell her some of the stories behind the pictures and we laugh. "Oh, this is from the movie awards for MTV. It's backstage and Justin took it. Josh was holding my hand and Justin figured out my password. That little hacker. This one is a picture of us last weekend with all our friends and their other halves." We continue laughing and looking at pictures and videos for another two hours. Josh calls. I answer. "Hey, love."
It's on speaker. "You make it to your mom's?"
"Yeah. I was showing her some of the pics from the past few months. Us, the kids, our friends. Some of the stories behind them."
"Did you put the, yeah, in a different album?"
"Yeah. Of course. I don't think Ma would wanna see your godliness."
Ma is interested. "Godliness?"
"Pics of him from his hips and waist up. Oh, lawdy."
"Hi, miss Vikki."
"Hi, Joshua. Tomorrow, around noon."
"Be there by one, the latest. Just in case I get lost."
We laugh. I stretch and yawn. "Sweetie, I'm getting tired and it's almost ten. We've been up since five this morning."
"I miss you. See you tomorrow."
"Miss you too. Night."
I hang up, biting my  bottom lip. I look at Ma and blush. "He's just so good to us. He babies the fuck out of us. He's an awesome guy."

The kids get up around eight and wake me up. I make breakfast and start the Thanksgiving dinner. I make the stuffing like Ma always has, stuffed the turkey, set the veggies out, homemade mashed potatoes and the gravy. I prep the potatoes and sweet potatoes for baking. Ma gets up around ten and is wondering why it smells so good. "What's cooking?"

"Morning, Ma. The turkey, regular potatoes, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, stuffing, homemade gravy. Turkey will be done by 12:30."
"I forgot to do that yesterday. Sorry."
"Do you have cheesecake stuff?"
"No, but I can get it."
I go in my suit case and give her $60. "Get everything for cherry, strawberry, apple, blueberry, raspberry and blackberry cheesecakes. Six of em. Two Oreo, honey graham, and nilla crusts, each. Take Mikal, please?" I write a list so Mikal can help.
"Mikal. Come on. Take the list from your mom and let's go. Aaliyah and Kimosabi, you guys get to help me make em and lick the bowls. Deal?"
They nod and Ma and Mikal go get the ingredients for the cheesecakes. My cell rings. I glance at the clock. It's close to ten thirty. I wipe my hands and pick up. "Hello?"
"Hi, my beautiful mystery."
"Hello, baby. How close are you?"
"Just crossed the Massachusetts line. Be there in an hour and a half. Maybe two hours, tops."
"That's perfect. I got the turkey and everything going. Ma took Mikal to get the stuff for cheesecakes. Mmmm. There's gonna be six of em! I gotta watch my girlish figure." We crack up.
"You're definitely gonna pig out with me."
"Yes, I am. I can't wait to see you."
"I can't to see you and the kids. Call you soon as I get into town. See you soon."
"See you soon." We hang up.
Aaliyah comes out. "Is Josh close?"
I smile. "Just crossed into Massachusetts. He'll be here by one, like he said yesterday."
"I miss him."
"Me, too, baby, me, too." I sigh, check all the food and sit down to watch 'Lion King' with the two of them.
Ma and Mikal come back ten minutes later with all the cheesecake stuff and Mikal sits in Demitryus' spot. His turn to make a cheesecake. Aaliyah pulls everything out and helps prep. I check the food again. Everything is done just as JC calls around 12:45ish. "Hey, honey."

"I'm near, uh, Kmart. In the plaza parking lot. Where do I go now?"
I lightly laugh. "Go to the back of the plaza, take the small road at the other end till you have houses in front of you."
"Ok. Passing an Outback Steakhouse, Hannaford's store, I'm sitting at at stop sign with a house right across from me. Where now?"
"Look to your left. Should be a little side road, take that till you come to an intersection and can see a Salvation Army thrift store."
"Ok." A few seconds pass. "I'm at a four way intersection with that store you said. Where to now, baby?"
"Turn left. When you come to a light, turn right."
"Is there a store on the corner? Caribbean market or something like that?"
"That's the street you want. Follow that one till you come to a three way intersection."
"Turning onto the side road. I see what you mean. Bus company should be on my left?"
"Yes. Turn left. Follow it until you see a blue building on the corner and a white pickup parked on the side. That's Ma's. There's a tiny diner and a butler's furniture across the road from her. I'm outside. Look for me." I stand outside and flag him down. "I see you, baby."
"Ok, let me park." We hang up.

He parks and gets out before I hug and kiss him. I lead him inside. My cell rings again. It's Shaun. "What's up, Shaun?"
"I'll be there in ten minutes."
"Ok, Josh came up from Bowie."
"Where?"
"Bowie, MD. His parents are there. That's where we're gonna be tomorrow."
"Oh. Coming around the corner. See you in a minute." He hangs up.
"Ma, this is-"
Aaliyah turns around and sees JC. "JOSH!" She runs up as he squats down and gets hugs. The boys run up and hug him too.
"Hey, guys. Lil Man, I think Nana may need your help after I meet her. Mikal, I heard you helped Nana get everything from the store for the cheesecakes."
Mikal smiles. "Yeah, I did."
"High five!" They high five and Mikal sits down to watch 'Lion King 2'. "Aaliyah, how'd you help?"
"I got it ready to go. Set up the cheesecake stuff."
"Hugs. Good job. Go on, watch that movie." He gives her another hug. She walks in the living room to watch the movie. "I'm sorry. You must be miss Vikki. I'm Josh." He shakes her hand and steps back beside me.

"You have been seeing Sam since September?"
"Yes. I've known her since March."
Shaun comes in, bumps into JC. "Oh! Sorry."
JC turns around. "Let me help you with that." Shaun had brought soda and juice. "Where would you like this?" JC looks at my mom.
"Some in the fridge. Um, the rest can go on the porch."
He and Shaun put the soda and juices where Ma told them. Shaun comes up and hugs me. He puts me in a headlock and tries to give me a noogie. I get out of it. "How you been? Looks like Cali has been good to you."
"Good and it has been." JC stands behind me. "Shaun, this is Josh. Josh, this is my cousin, Shaun."
"How are you? Must be out of ya mind, dating her." They shake hands and JC puts his hand back on my hip.
"I'm good. I'm far from crazy."
"After you meet some of this family, you're probably gonna question that."
I cover my face with my hand. "Shaun. Quit it."
"Just telling the truth."
"So? Quit. Please."
"Be happy Scott isn't here."
"Oh God! I'm so thankful for that!"

JC looks back and forth between Shaun and I. "Scott?"
"The one I have a picture of on my phone, blue sweatshirt."
"The one you call Scottie?"
"Yeah. Him."
"Why?"
I turn three shades of red. "He'd embarrass me."
"No worse than Nick or Aaron."
"As bad as those two combined."
"I get it now."
Shaun looks at me. "Seeing Ellen and the kids later?"
"Yeah, after Ma heads to work. Is the key still in the same spot, Ma?" I look at her.
"Yes, Samantha."
Josie butts in. "Samanther!"
I turn around and head for Josie's cage. "Yes, Josie. Jealous cuz I haven't introduced you?" I look at JC. "Come meet my little baby sister." He stands beside me. "Josie, Josh. Josh, this is my baby sister, Josie."
Josie starts to bob and stops to look at JC. "Hello."
"She talks?"
"Yeah. Watch this. Josie, merry Christmas, ho, ho, ho."
Josie opens her tail. "Meeeerrrrrryyyy Christmas! Ho, ho, ho!"
JC laughs. "Can she talk on her own?"
"Watch this. Follow me." I look at Josie and walk away, out of her line of sight.
A few minutes later, Josie wants my attn. "Samanther!"
"What, Josie?"
JC is caught off guard. "What did she call you?"
"She calls me 'Samanther'. Sasha and I purposely used to, and sometimes still do mispronounce each other's names. I call her 'Sasher' and she calls me 'Samanther'."
JC laughs. "What kind of bird is that?"
I interlock my fingers with JC's. "She's a yellow nape amazon parrot."
"You said something about wanting a bird this past summer."
"Yeah, a rose crested cockatoo, a blue front amazon or a speckled amazon. From when they're young."
"Miss Vikki, how much do those birds usually run for?"
"Rose crested is usually $2500, the blue front is about $2000 and the speckled amazon is about $3500."
"We can look into it, babe."
I smile and Shaun laughs. "You're gonna turn her into a bigger spoiled bitch than she is already, Josh."
He shrugs. "She's far from spoiled. She won't even let me get her a new lap top. That's only four or five hundred."
"What do you mean she won't let you?"
"She tells me not to get it because the one she has 'character'."
"She would rather spend it on the kids."

I move JC's hands so I can make the kids' plates. He grabs me by one of my hips. I look at him and he kisses me. "You look beautiful."
"Thanks, baby." I'm smiling.
He lets go and shows Shaun pictures on his iPhone. I have Ma clear her little kitchen table so the kids could eat there. I serve JC, Shaun, Ma and myself. We sit down to eat and Shaun watches JC and I, sitting close enough on Ma's couch that from our hips down are touching. "Josh, you make my baby cousin happier than she's been in more than ten years."
"Really? I compliment her when I can and help her when she lets me. I always make myself reachable."
"What do you do for a living?"
"I produce music, write songs and judge for ABDC."
"ABDC?"
JC finishes the mouth full of food and follows it with some orange Hawaiian punch. "America's Best Dance Crew."
Shaun thinks for a few minutes as he eats. "Why do you look familiar?"
"Maybe from my face being plastered on Sam's walls for a few years?"

JC and I burst out in laughter. Shaun is trying to figure it out and Dawn calls, throwing my cell into a fit of 'I Want You Back'. JC's verse plays as I grab it. "Hey, girl."
"You made it safe and sound?"
"Nope, took the wrong plane and it caught fire. Damn puddle jumpers."
"Not funny. JC with you?"
"Yes, he's bonding with my cousin, Shaun. Shaun's trying to figure out why Josh looks so damn familiar."
Dawn cracks up. "He was on the Mickey Mouse Club, in *NSYNC, a solo artist and now judges on ABDC."
Just then JC's cell rings. "Excuse me. It's my parents." He puts his plate down and picks up. "Hi, mom. I'm here with Sam and the kids. Getting to know her cousin, Shaun, her mom and eating a very good meal. I will be back with-no, it's a surprise. We will be back before Thursday morning. Yes, I will make sure to drive safe. I love you, too, mom. Bye."
"Girl, it's so funny. I'm gonna let ya go and maintain some level of safety. Yeah. Tomorrow. Ok. See ya." I hang up, go online to the google site and search for a good *NSYNC picture. I find one and show Shaun. "Make sense now?"
Shaun looks back and forth between my cell and JC. "That's him?" He's pointing at JC in the picture from 'Bye, Bye, Bye'.
I nod. "Yes, Shaun. JC Chasez. You can't say anything. I know by Friday there will be pictures of us everywhere. I just hope the press don't get em from my family."
"Ok. I guess it's cool. He treats you good?"
"He treats us very good. He helps all the time. He makes time for us."
"What about video games?"
"Sometimes we play together. But we spend more time at the beach, at a park or out of the house."
"Do you live together?"
JC and I look at each other. "No, we spend a large of chunk of our free time together but have our own places. In case we annoy each other. He's helped us out so much in the past eight months."
We finish eating and talking before Shaun heads to Ellen's. Ma gets in the shower. JC is sitting with Demitryus on his lap, me on his left, Mikal on his right and Aaliyah is laying on my lap. We're watching 'Cars'. He has an arm around Demitryus and the other around my shoulders. I'm leaning on him, my head on his shoulder. I'm running my fingers through Aaliyah's hair. "When do you wanna go see your family?"

I look at the clock on my cell, 1:49 in the afternoon. "In a about an hour." My cell rings and 'Kari' flashes on the screen. "Hey, Kar-bear."
She groans. "I hate that nickname. When are you coming by? We're all here right now."
"When will you be heading to Jake's mom's?"
"About an hour."
I look at JC. "Josh, can we head to Ellen's?"
He kisses my forehead. "Sure. C'mon, guys, let's go see your cousins!"
"Josh? What happened to Joe?"
"Divorce. Message ya about it on Facebook after the holiday."
"Ok. How long till you and the kids get here?"
"About ten minutes."
JC kisses me. "Ready when you are, my beautiful mystery."
"See ya soon, Kari."
"Ok." We hang up.
"Josh, over here. We can take the one I rented." I unlock it and the kids get in. We buckle them and get in, making sure to buckle up.
Ma comes out and hands me her house key. "Just drop it off before you leave tomorrow."
"Ok. Be up around ten. We'll call before we head over."
She nods and we pull away as she steps back. "You seem anxious."
"I am. These are like my little brother and sister. She's not gonna believe it's actually you."
"Who? Kari?"
"Yeah."
"Baby, don't worry about it. What's the plan for tomorrow?"
"Get up around half past eight, kids shower, we get dressed, breakfast on the go, drop the key off with Ma at Rick's, see Dawn till just before dinner, then bound for Bowie. Won't get there till wicked late. Three am-ish."
"They gave me a key just in case I'd get in late." He holds my hand. "How far are we from your cousins' place?"
"This is the fifth street bridge. Take a right, go a few streets down, take a left, another left, a third left and be there in about five to ten minutes."
"Ok. How long has it been?"
"Since what?"
"Since you've seen them."
"Uh, over a year."
"Why?"
"They didn't have time for me. So I moved to LA."
"It'll be fine."
"Nobody told them I left Joe."

He nods and rubs my hand with his thumb. "So you know they had no idea about us."
At this point we're going up Granite Street. "Nope. Be there in a minute or two."
My cell rings. "Says it's Jacob."
"My other cousin. Put it on speaker, please." JC puts my cell on speaker. "Yeah, Jay?"
"Where are you?"
"Just getting to the corner of Pine and Rollstone. Be there in a minute."
"Can't wait to see the four of you."
"Same here to you." He hangs up and my phone turns off.  We pull into my cousins' dirt driveway. "Welcome to Fitchburg. Some call it Snitchburg, Bitchburg, but I call it Don'twannabehereburg. Can't wait to head back to Cali." I turn the car off, get out and take a deep breath. JC and I get the kids out and up a flight of stairs to my cousins' place.
Aaliyah knocks and Kari answers the door. The kids scream Kari's name and knock her on her ass when they rush her for hugs. Kari's smiling and crying. "I missed you guys so much."
"Missed you more, Kar-Bear." I smile.
"Fuck you. How has Cali been?"
"Really good. Ya know you should get off the floor and invite us in." The kids get off her.
She picks up Demitryus. "Come in." She looks at JC and her eyebrow goes up. "Sam, the kids and her boyfriend are here!"
Jacob comes out. "Hey." The kids hug him.
Ellen comes into the kitchen and stops dead in her tracks. She's staring at JC. He shoves his hands in his pockets. Shaun cracks up. "That's only Josh, Ellen."
"I thought his name was JC Chasez for a second."
JC smiles and offers a handshake. "Josh, this is Ellen. That's Jacob, almost everyone calls him Jay. This is Kari." George rounds the corner with Eddie and comes inside. "That's George, Ellen's husband and her brother, Eddie." I look at Shaun. "You met that dinkus in the living room." He looks down. "The black one is Sergio and the other one is Trevor. Lhaso Aspsos." I look at everyone in the kitchen. "This is Josh."

Kari's tired of biting her tongue. "Isn't he JC Chasez?"
"Yes. But he doesn't pay our way in LA. I work and make good money."
Everyone nods. Kari takes the kids and Jacob in the other room. Ellen's thinking and I can see the gears turning. "How long have you known him? Do you sleep together? Live together? Who takes care of the kids? How long have you been together? Josh, have you been faithful? Are you into drugs? No lies."
I quickly answer her questions. "Eight months. We're adults. No, we live separately but spend alot of time together. Both of us. Just over two months. He is very faithful. He doesn't even smoke pot, but might be considering it after this. He fears needles." I cross my arms and stand in front of JC. He wraps his arms around my waist. I feel him shaking.
"Does he hit you?"
"Not ever. He treats me and the kids beautifully. He's the opposite of Joe. Josh helps all the time with so much."
She nods and checks the pork chops, Mac and cheese, stuffing and veggies.

JC leans over so that he can whisper in my ear. "Can we get some fresh air?"
I nod. "Kari, Jay." They look at me. "Keep an eye on the kids? We're gonna get a bit of fresh air. Ten minutes."
They both say sure and we head to the driveway.
We get outside and I sit on the rear bumper of my rental. JC sits next to me. "Now I understand why you were anxious about me meeting some of your family."
"Imagine what Nick's gonna face."
He laughs. "Ellen scares the shit outta me."
"Don't piss her off, you'll be fine."  He pulls me to standing after he stands up. We hug and share a quick kiss. We stand there hugging for a few minutes. I look up at him. "Ready to face the demons again?"
"Yeah." We head up the stairs. "My family's a little more welcoming." We quietly laugh.

"I hope so."  He knocks and I look at him like it was wasted time. I walk in. My cell rings and I see that it's Scottie. "Hi, Scottie."
"I hear you got a new boyfriend."
I look at Shaun. "Your brother told you, didn't he?"
"Yup. He's some kinda producer or something?"
"Look up the name Joshua Chasez." I casually look at my nails.
I hear Scottie type 'Joshua'. "How does this asshole spell his last name?"
"He is NOT an asshole."
"Spell his last name."
"C-h-a-s-e-z."
A few seconds pass before Scottie says a word. "Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!?!?!" He starts laughing and falls outta his chair. "You're dating a faggot? Prove you're dating him. Send a picture to me, right now."
"Ok. I'll let you go and send it via text. Call me when you get it."
"Yeap."
I hang up. JC takes a picture with me real fast and I send it to Scottie. He calls back. "Told you."
He sounds shell shocked. "Damn. You got the better luck. Put me on speaker."
"Gonna be nice?" JC's talking with my cousins, mainly Jacob and Kari.
"I guess I can be."
"Hold on. Josh, come here for a second." I put Scottie on speaker. JC comes and gives me a kiss, holding me close. "Go ahead, Scottie."
"Josh, let's get one thing straight-she's A) my little cousin and if B) I hear you put your hands on her or hurt her, C) I will be after you."
"Scott, I understand. I just got her outta that type of relationship two months ago. Why would I put her in another like that?"
"So the asshole she's married to or was married to hit her?"
JC looks at me and I shrug. "Yes, and I have put him in his place over it. Helped her get on her feet, get her own place, her driver's license, save money and make sure she's safe."
"She have a car?"
"She has two. I got her a 1986 Ford Mustang, just like her mom used to have. Then she has a 2007 Expedition. Both can fit all four of them and myself."
"You fucking spoil the shit out of her!"
"She wanted the Mustang and I got her the Expedition first. I refuse to let her take care of the maintenance bills for them. She trouble shoots first."
"I hear she has a surprise for the family out there, sometime in the next couple months."
"Maybe. I know in the next few months, I'd like to meet you face to face."
"You wanna meet me?"
"Sure."
"You're one brave fucker."
My eyes bug out. "I love you, Scottie. I'll call you later."
"Ok. Bye."

"Bye." I hang up, shaking my head. My cell rings again. The caller ID flashes 'Icky-Boo'. My nickname for Nick cuz his for me is 'Baby Boo'. I call Aaron 'Acey-Boo'. "Hey, Icky-Boo."
"You alone?"
"No, I'm at my cousins' place. Josh and the kids are with me."
"Can you go in a room alone?"
"You don't need to worry. Nobody else can hear your side of the convo."
He sighs. "You can't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you, understand?"
"Yeah, it's cool. Pinky promise."
"I'm scared fucking shitless outta my brain meeting your side of the family." I'm quiet. "Go ahead and laugh."
"Nick, when we get back ask Josh how bad it is. Just take him serious and his advice to heart."
"How scared is he?"
"He's almost as much as you."
"How scared were you?"
I shrug. "Not as much as half an hour ago, which was quintuple what you are."
He sighs. "I guess it could be worse."
"Yeah, at least it's family and not" I step away from JC "possible in-laws or your girlfriend's family."
He laughs. "I guess I'm over thinking and overreacting about this."
Demitryus shrieks. "Talklater." I hang up and see JC tickling Demitryus. "I thought he got hurt." I lean on the door jam.

JC looks at me. "I'm sorry. Caught him off guard. Nick nervous about January?"
"Yeah. He'll be fine. You serious about what ya told Scottie?"
"Yeah. I'd like to get to know your family, especially the ones that mean the most and have more memories of you."
Ellen's cell rings. "What the hell does she want?"
"Susie?"
"Yeah." She answers it. "What? No. Sam, you wanna visit her?"
"Why? So she can try to get Josh in her bed? Fuck no. She's not seeing the kids. Fuck her." JC looks at me, curious. I close my eyes and shake my head.
"She said no. I'm not forcing her to go. Susan, she has her reasons. She said to go see her or she's gonna disown you."
"Disowned her when she pulled the shit with the Volvo."
"She doesn't care. Ok." She looks at her cell, shrugging and puts it away. She leans against the china cabinet, looking dead at me. "Still holding that against her?"
"No, I'm holding everything wrong she's ever done to me against her. Do I wanna talk to anyone about it right now? No."

Ellen shrugs and drops it, knowing she won't get far or much more outta me. "Dinner's almost done."
"Lemme know when it is and I'll help set the plates. Thanks."
She gives me a sympathetic look. "You're welcome." She finishes cooking. We have dinner and leave. We hug everyone as we leave.
Kari's crying. "I'm gonna miss ya guys."
I smile. "It's only till Christmas. We'll be back the week before. The week of I'm gonna be in Bowie with Josh and his family."
"What about after that?"
"I'll be back with a cousin or two I didn't know I had in January. From Darryl's side. Just give them a chance to get to know you. They're like us. Keep in touch."
She nods. Jay steps up shakes JC's hand and hugs us. "Same goes for you, Sam."
Ellen smiles at JC. "Stay outta trouble." She turns on me. "Especially you. Quarries." I turn beet red immediately.
JC's curious. "What's that about?"
Ellen smiles. I turn to leave. "C'mon, Josh."
"I guess she's gonna tell me or I can call you and find out."
Ellen laughs. "She won't tell you. Bye, guys! Keep in touch."
"We will." He helps me get the kids in their booster seats and buckled. "What did she mean by 'quarries' and why did you go beet red?"
"Tell you later. Maybe show you the quarries. It's not gonna be till better weather though."
"Ok."
"I was pretty promiscuous for a few years after I lost my gramma. My way of rebelling. It was that, emo or goth."
He stops before closing the door by Mikal, thinking. "You wouldn't look right. Emo and goth don't fit you. Maybe the promiscuous, but not the other two."
"That's what I said about the emo and goth looks."
He closes the door and I close the back door. I get in the front seat, close the door, buckle Demitryus, sit and buckle up myself. "Where to now, beautiful mystery?"
I think. "I'm gonna show you where I've lived since moving here. West St." I direct him to West St and we stop in front of my first apt I shared with my gramma and mom. "Ma and I shared this with gramma. I'm gonna see if we can quickly walk through." I dash up the stairs and knock on the door.

A woman who looks about 24 and 5 months pregnant answers the door. "Can I help you?"
"Would it be possible for me to show my boyfriend this apt? I lived here twenty years ago."
"I guess."
"Thank you for your generosity." I go to the top of the stairs. "C'mon. Bring the kids." The kids come up and I pick up Demitryus. He carries Aaliyah, piggie back. "We'll be out of your hair in minutes."
She stares at JC. "Is that JC Chasez?"
"That's my boyfriend." I smile softly. Mikal holds my belt loop. "Living room. Kitchen. I had a little plastic piano and there used to be an old heater/stove here and I kinda melted one of the legs. This is where we put Ma's bird, Cheeks. Gramma's room and my room."
"Wow. When did you live here?"
"From the time I was four or five until we moved to Payson. Six or seven. Two years, I think. Thanks again for your hospitality." We leave and get situated in the car.
"Where next?"
"109 Payson St." I program the GPS. I'm starting to get tired. He pulls up in front of it and I smile.
He looks at the stairs. "And I thought the stairs from my studio to the bedroom were a bit much." I know he wanted to say 'bitch'.
"Imagine the stairs covered in snow and ice." I get out and knock on the door. A little girl answers the door and I squat to her level. "Can I talk to your mom or dad? Or your grandma?"
She runs to get her mom. "Can I help you?" She's about five three and a little chunky, black hair and honey colored eyes. Maybe early thirties.
"Hi, could I possibly show this apt to my boyfriend and kids? I lived here as a little girl."
She thinks about it. "Don't touch anything and I will be following you."
"Thank you." I signal JC to bring the kids up. We walk in the hallway. "This was our hallway. The living room. Tv used to be there, coffee table there. We had an Atari." I laugh lightly. "My moms bird, Sammi, was here. Dining room. Table in the middle and a desk on that wall. That was Ma's room. Kitchen. That's the bathroom. Back door over there and a little porch. Kitchen table here. This used to be my room. That was gramma's room. The pantry." I look at the woman and nod. "Thanks for your hospitality." We go out the back door. "I had my first and last cat in that house."
"What did you name it?"
"Named him Figaroe."
JC smiles and chuckles as we walk down the driveway. "How'd you come up with it?"
"I was watching 'Looney Tunes'. The opera one with Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd." I laugh as remember. "My gramma's cat, Tigger, had her kittens in my mom's boxspring and I got to pick one. Gramma said to name it and I heard them singing 'Figaro, Figaro, Figaro'. That's what I named him. I was about seven."
We get the kids buckled in and I put the next address into the GPS. "Next up is the projects." JC looks at me. "Cap is all you need. I'll point out my gramma's apt as we pass it. But we won't stop."
"How bad are the projects?"
"Someone says hi, just nod and wave. Other than that, don't say anything or stare. Here we are. I'll show you this one and just mirror image this one in your mind. That's what the other one on Leyte looked like." I walk up the little hill and run across the grass. I knock on the door.
A teenage boy opens the door. "Jeff, gotta let ya go, man. No. There's a hottie on my porch."
I quietly laugh. "Could I quickly show my kids and boyfriend where I used to live?"
"You used to live here?"
"Mmmmhhhhmmmmmm."
"Uh, sure."
I signal JC and the boys come to me. Mikal grabs my belt loop and I carry Demitryus. JC is carrying Aaliyah. He gives me a kiss. "Living room. I got my first Sega Genesis here. Sonic came into my life. Altered Beast and learned to play Pac-Man. Started watching 'Mighty Morphin Power Rangers' and played it outside with my friends. Ma dated Brian Marcil while living here. They hid the Sega in that closet, on the shelf, thinking I couldn't see it. Sammi's corner. Ollie in that one till he passed, then our speckled amazon, Spanky. We didn't name them, not a one." I walk to the kitchen. "Kitchen, back door and basement." I head for the stairs. "Is it ok?" He nods his head. "Bathroom. My old room. Bunk beds here, toy chest there, dresser there, other toy box over by that window and a little black and white antenna tv. Linen closet. And my mom's room. For the other one on Leyte, just put it all backwards. Ready to go, love?"
"Yeah, he's staring at us." He nods at the teenager.
I giggle. "He told his friend he had to go cuz there's a 'hottie' on his porch."

We come down the stairs. The teenage boy looks at us. "One question."
I look at him. "What's that?"
"Is he JC Chasez?"
"Yes. Why?"
"Could I get a picture with all of you?"
I look at JC and he shrugs. "Sure."
He sets up his camera and it snaps a picture. "Thanks. Hope you stay safe."
"You're welcome and you stay safe too." We leave. I look at JC. "We should let the kids run around for a few. There's a McDonald's Play Place nearby. Nobody should bug you with your cap on."
"Ok. I start getting bothered, we leave."
I nod. "Graim thu."
"J'amour tu." We kiss and the kids say 'ew'. "After this, where to?"
"Hazel St. Then East St, Pine St, South St, other end of Payson St, Federal St, Plymouth, Pleasant, which we won't go inside-bad memories, Garnet and Myrtle Ave."
"You moved alot."
"Yeah. Go out that end of the projects and turn right. I met Dawn while living on Leyte." I point up Leyte Rd. "We would cut through a field that's now fenced off. That's the playground we would take Mikal to. That used to be a school, a head start or something. That's the state pool we'd go to. Follow this road up to the gas station. Need gas."
Without missing a beat, JC has a smartass comment. "That's what fast food gives me."

I tickle his side. "Hahahahaha."
He pulls into the gas station and gives me a kiss. I get out, pump and pay as he talks to the kids. I get back in. "Which way now?"
"Take a left and go straight. The McDonald's will be on your side of the road and the kids will flip a nutty when they see it." I put my head back against the seat and smile at him.
"That's not very funny, beautiful mystery."
"I'm being honest, not funny."
We get near the Play Place and the kids point it out. "Oh. I see it guys." He pulls in and parks. "Rules. Stay in the play area unless you're with your mom or me. Play nice. Mind your manners. Ok?"
"Yes, Josh." They say together and they unbuckle their belts and get out. They stand on either side of the car, making sure to keep a hand on it.
JC sees this and smiles. Aaliyah immediately grabs his hand. Mikal grabs hold of my belt loop and I carry Demitryus. JC and I hold hands, smiling. We get inside and let the kids go through the play set. JC and I share a strawberry shake and laugh at the kids' energy, talking about how his family can be so welcoming. He tells me things his family does to be more open to his friends and girlfriends. An hour later, we're heading out to look at the rest of the places I've lived, and we see almost every single one of them, with the exception of three-Pleasant, Garnet and Myrtle. It's around nine at night and the kids are sleeping in the backseat. "Maybe we should get back to your mom's before we join the kids."

"Sure." I put Ma's address in to the GPS. "We're less than a ten minute drive away from Ma's anyway."
We sit in Tedeschi's parking lot. "You're calmer than you've been in a couple weeks."
"You met some of my family. Next time I'll get nervous and anxious like that again will be when we go to Wisconsin."
"What, or rather who's, there?"
"Aunt Grace, Bernie and his family. Oh, and Scottie."
He smiles and gives me a kiss. He puts the rental into reverse. "You said something about telling me about where you lived before your mom settled here."
"You don't really wanna know, do you?" My eyes haven't left his face since we kissed. He pulls onto Main St and goes onto Summer St before answering me.
"Of course. I wanna know as much as you do. Including the meaning behind the quarries thing." He grabs my hand and interlocks his fingers with mine.
I groan and sigh. "Alright. I was concieved on Colfax Dr in Denver, Colorado in March of 1985. They, as in Ma and Darryl, drove from there to some shithole in New Jersey. I say shithole cuz there was less of a bathroom floor than Justin has patience and brains sometimes."
"Wow."
"Yeah, by then Ma was about eight months pregnant with me and had to jump over a huge hole in the bathroom floor just to pee. My grampa and one of my aunts, drunken bitch had her head on straight back then, helped her move to Massachusetts. They stayed with the bitch and had me nine days late. I was due on New Years. Soon after that, we moved to Worcester. When I was two, my brother, Jimmie had defended my mom and beat Darryl with a bat. Ma chose Darryl over her son and Jimmie went to BST, Boston Secure Treatment. We moved to Thayer Pond from there. That's Oxford."
"England?"

"No, here in Massachusetts." I laugh. "It's in the middle of nowhere. It's a condo complex and all the kids that lived there played together and some became the best of friends. Mine was Amanda. I can't remember her last name. Which sucks cuz all I have is one picture of her and I'd love if I could find her."
"You said something about a Sherri and an Addie."
"Sherri I knew from the time I was about six months old until we stopped talking. Back in 2000, the fall. When No Strings Attached came out, it's a great memory. It was her birthday and it makes that album mean more than anything because of the sentimental memories. That's why I'm not gonna let those songs be erased from my iPod. March 21, 2000. She turned 15 that day. She's just about nine months older. She was like a sister. I helped her with a serious issue, made her choose me or the problem. I'm still proud of her for choosing me to this day. She met Demitryus and stopped talking again a few months later. Found her on myspace, I was pregnant with him, she came out to meet him, sporadically spoke until a couple years ago. She stopped answering me on Facebook, via texts." I sigh.
"Addie?"

"I met her through Sherri. She was one of the neighborhood kids that didn't have many friends and I was the kinda kid that stuck to her circle and hardly ever let someone in. Nobody knew me like Sherri, her mom and sister. Sherri, Debbie and Stacy." I smile. "Sherri had us meet and I slowly opened to Addie. I let her in. In middle school, I really opened up to Addie. After school, if I wasn't with Sherri, I was with Addie. I practically lived between their houses. Until eighth grade. Sherri's gram moved her to Gardner and didn't like me. After awhile she even cut down when we could hang out, then when we could call each other, then lost contact in high school. I started hanging with Addie more and more. We were pretty much joined at the side, from the arm pit to our hip."
"What happened?"
"She had to move to Townsend and we started drifting apart. High school was hell for me. For the first four months, I had one friend there. Bekah. Met her in elementary school and lost contact. She introduced me to Joe. Middle of my freshman year Addie came back to Fitchburg and we hung out with Bekah all the time. Bekah was 'Queen Bitch', Addie was 'Lil Bitch' and cuz I'm always the smallest and look the youngest, I'm 'Baby Bitch'."
He laughs. "Why bitch?"

"Stood for beautiful, intelligent, talented, creative and honest. Bluntly honest, we spoke our minds. Bekah introed me to my ex, taught me so much and left for Colorado. I stuck with Addie through thick and thin. I got pregnant with Mikal and she started coming over to hang with Sasha. I was tossed aside when I needed her the absolute most. I moved out of my mom's and for the first three years, I think she stopped by once. Dawn came in and left. Dawn was a minor and had no say in the matter. We moved to East St and ran into her. We started chillin again, left there and didn't hear from her until I got a Facebook. She started coming around again. I think that was in 08, no, that was 09. Sorry. She kept in touch and moved in with us during March, the following year. Shit went downhill and fast. By July, I didn't want shit to do with her. We had a HUGE falling out, stopped talking, made up cuz she needed me, moved in together and then when taxes came about earlier this year, we left. Just up and left. I stopped caring cuz all she did was use me and put me down. Telling me I'd never be anything or get anywhere in life. Well, she can take her negativity and shove it."
We pull up at Ma's, he turns the car off, puts the arm rest up, and hugs me. He pulls back slowly, looks at me and gives me a kiss. "I'm here now. I tell you how beautiful you are, that you can do anything if you just try, and you're a great person. You're a good mom. A very sweet and thoughtful girlfriend. She's a user and you don't need that."
I look at him. "Thanks."

"Let's get our babies inside and head to bed."
I nod and we do that. We shower and cuddle in my mom's bed. I had left my pjs at the bottom of the bed, so I was naked. We start kissing and I straddle him. "I want you."
"Sure... She... Won't... Come... Back... Here... Tonight?" He had to ask in between kisses. I nod during a passionate kiss. I moan and do a bodywave. I start kissing his neck and doing bodywaves, knowing he'd cave faster. He grabs my hips and thrusts toward me. I lean into a kiss to tease and I know he's as hard as he can get.  He pushes my hips down onto his dick.
I take in a deep breath, sharply and between my teeth. I know I can't be loud. "Mmmm" is all I can manage while biting my bottom lip.
He knows I'm close and starts playing with my clit. He knows what it does to me. I start breathing a little faster, closer to my climax, and he pulls me close to kiss me as we roll. He's on top. "Cum with me." I nod and he starts kissing and gently biting my neck, meaning he's close. I wrap my legs around him, one hand goes in his hair and the other goes on his back. I push back against him in harmony with his motions. He grabs my hip as I start doing bodywaves. He keeps kissing my neck until just before we both get off, he starts to kiss my lips to keep me from screaming with pleasure. We both climax at the same time and he keeps going for a few minutes afterward, to heighten my climax and to treat me. When we get off at the same time, he'll go a few more minutes to focus on me, knowing I love when he does. I pull him as close as I can to let him know to stop. He lays on me with his head on my shoulder, breathing so fast he can't get a word out. So am I. "I love that, when we can get off at the same time."

"Me, too. I love when you heighten it."
"I love when I feel your muscles tighten and your body becomes kinda like a vice."
"I love when you kiss me when I get off."
I feel him smile. "Makes for a better climax, I think."
"It does. I wish we were at home."
"Why?"
"Cuz we can't sleep naked here. Ma will freak. We have to put our pjs back on."
He groans but gets up, hands me my pjs and gets his back on. He lays back down and I put my head on his chest. "What about the sheets?"
"We'll strip the bed and put the sheets in the washer. The blankets weren't on us. We'll tell her we spilled something on them and put em in the washer."
"You've had sex in your mom's bed before?"
"No, I just don't want her finding our stains on her sheets. I know she would call screaming at me. Better safe than sorry. She would embarrass the fucking shit outta me."
"Well, when we get to Bowie, we're staying at my grandmom's and other than my grandparents, it's us, the kids, Heather and Tyler. My parents are staying with one of my cousins."
"This is gonna be interesting."

He rubs my back as I feel him laugh. "Knowing Tyler, more than you know."
"I'm not even gonna ask."
"You'll see. I have a few ideas on what he's gonna do. C'mon, think of it this way-you're five two, 137 lbs, big hips, big tits, hourglass figure, bright and beautiful blue eyes, medium brown hair with red tones, very confident, highly intelligent and always have a quick comeback. On top of all that, you can defend yourself and beat pretty much anyone's ass that threatens you."
I think for a few minutes. "Is that what you told him?"
"I sent a picture to Kace and he showed it to Tyler. Since then, Tyler's been saying he's gonna make you his woman."
I start laughing. I shake my head. "Not happening. Sorry, I don't keep it in the family. You're my last hope for a great man. So far, you're doing everything right."
"What do you mean 'last hope for a great man'?"
"If we don't work out, I might as well go lez." I laugh. "I don't think I could, but I would try my damnedest not to be in another relationship for a long ass time. Fooling around is one thing, but a relationship after you wouldn't happen for long time."
"Why's that?"
"Baby, 20 year crush that I dated? I'd love to be friends after, if it happens. But honestly, I'd love it better and more to stay together."
"You're really invested in this relationship."
"Yes. I have my whole heart, my soul and I'm putting everything I have invested in us. I have so much on the line and I trust you."
"I plan on staying with you for a long time. I want to be with you. Hardly any publicity, very low key and I can be myself."
"Josh?"
"Hunh?"
"I wanna keep you forever. Can I keep you?"
He lightly laughs. "Yes, you can 'keep' me."

I laugh for a second, too. We cuddle and fall asleep. I wake up to JC's cell ringing. He flings his right hand out grabs his phone. "What? It's what time? J, it's three in the morning out here. I'm gonna sic my girlfriend on you when we get back. Call me later. Going back to bed now. Bye." I stir. "I'm sorry. None of us are good at time zones." He puts his cell back on the table by the bed and interlocks our fingers again.

My cell phone rings around 5:45 in the fucking morning. I pick up just to make it stop. "Unh?"
"What's up?"
"Tyler?"
"I'm pretty sure that's my name. I'm almost certain you're dating my brother."
"What the fuck? Not even six in the morning. We're getting up in an hour or so. Josh'll call you back. Later."
"Wait! One question."
"Fuck. What?"
"When are you guys gonna be here?"
"Who said anything about me and the kids coming to Bowie?"

"Well, Josh said he was gonna drive eight fucking hours, spend all day yesterday, last night and today with you guys. I kinda figured it out."
"I know Josh will be back around three am, tomorrow. Gonna spend today with a friend of mine. Then he's gonna be on his way to Bowie."
"Alright. Just wish I could meet you."
"Soon enough, Ty, very soon." I smile and hang up.

45 minutes later the alarm on both our cell phones are going off. "Remind me why we're getting up this early." We turn the alarms off and face each other.
I give him a kiss. "To have the kids up and ready by 9, give us some time to wake up and shower before they get up around 8. On the road for ten. Could we stop in at Sasha's, so I can see my nieces and nephews? On the way back to Bowie?"
"No more than a half hour. I wanna get back to my grandmom's by 4:30 tomorrow morning."
"That's fine. I'll buzz her later and ask. Hmmmmnnnnn." I get on Facebook mobile and post on her wall. 'Sasher, is we cleared for a quick stop at your place today? Would like to see my nieces and nephews. Miss y'all!' "Let's shower, cassinova." I smile and he just smiles back, shaking his head.

"Justin called me that eight months ago."
"I know. I thought it was funny. C'mon, I wanna shower before the kids get up!"
"Or what?"
"No Thanksgiving lovin."

He jumps up and throws the blankets off him. "Let's go." He grabs my hand and pulls me to the bathroom for a shower. I giggle. "What?"
"I say no love and you jump up faster than I've ever seen anyone move."
"I can't help it if I'm addicted to you. That's one addiction I don't wanna kick. It's a healthy one too." He kisses me and smiles, playfully. I get in the shower, wash up, and shave before getting out. I wrap a towel around me and go get dressed. I throw my bag on my mom's bed, look for and find my fave jeans, a comfy tank top, thermal shirt, t-shirt, panties, and socks. I sit on the bed and get my clothes on. I snag JC's sweatshirt and put it on. I grab the dirty clothes and put them in a smaller bag that fits in my big bag. I put my shoes on and ask JC what he likes for coffee. "French vanilla, three sugars and five creams."

I roll my eyes and walk over to Gourmet Donuts to get our coffees, kids' drinks and enough donuts for breakfast. "Figures. I'm gonna get him addicted to Gourmet. When we come out this way again, he's gonna want their coffee." I walk into Gourmet, order his coffee, the kids' drinks and the donuts. I think about mine and shrug. "Could I also get an extra large iced caramel coffee with five extra pumps of caramel and a little sugar please?"
"Sure."
"Thanks." I hand her the money for the order and she makes my coffee. She gives me a tray for the drinks and the donuts in a box. I rest the drinks in the tray on the donuts to make it easier to carry. I come back in the house and JC is sitting at the table.
He sees me pass the side window and opens the doors for me. "That was quick. You didn't take either car."
"Didn't need to . It's only a couple doors away. What used to be Norm's right next door and then a few feet after that is Gourmet. Try it, their coffee is so fucking good. I love it."
He looks at the cups. He likes his hot in chilly weather. "Thanks, baby." He gives me a kiss.
"You're welcome. Try it."
He takes a sip and smiles. "I found the coffee shop I like where you're from."
I smile. "And they're cheap."
"I love this."
I smile. "You're a cheap date, you know that?"
"Hey, I like to save more money than I spend." He shrugs.
I kiss him. "I know. It's also why we agree on finances so easily."

His cell phone starts vibrating across the table. He looks at it. "Tyler's up before ten in the morning?"
"He called before five this morning."
"Why?" He reads the text message his brother sent. He laughs and lets me read the text message. "This is what he's been saying for the past month."

I read it. 'Josh, are you bringing my future wife with you?'
I laugh. "Can I answer it?"
"Sure."
I reply to his text with 'Only if you handle the fact that she loves me, calls you by my name and her kids continue to call you uncle XD'
He looks at me. "What'd you say?" I show him what I sent Tyler. "You gave yourself away with that smiley. Tyler says so." He hands me his cell phone again, silently telling me that Tyler is my problem till it's done.
I read the text. 'Funny, Sam. Smiley gave you away. So I take it I'll never get my chance?'
I giggle. 'Nope. 20 yr crush, sincerity, and the MAN your bro is-well, NOBODY can top or trump it.'
'Come on, mami. Test that.'
'Smh. 'Ler, not happenin. I'm too much for you to handle. Just be glad to call me family.'
'Damn. Do you even like me?'
'As a friend and my man's brother, but no more than that. Maybe one day I can call you my brother. Let's not rush that.'
'I guess I can deal with that'
'Hope so'
'Ttyl?'
'Sure, later, 'Ler.'

I wake up Mikal just before seven and get him in the shower. "Josh?"
"Hm?"
"Thanks for doing this for me."
"If it's that important to you, it means just as much to me."
I smile and quickly kiss his lips. "Is there anything else I should be forewarned about concerning your friends and family?"
He smiles. "Nothing too big," he answers, teasing.
I arch my eyebrow and my hands go on my hips. "Then I guess I won't warn you about Dawn."
"All is fair in love and war, sweetie." He has that damn smirk on his face. We go through the morning routine of showers, dressing the kids, and feeding them. 

I smile. "Who'd love to see Uncle Pete?" All three kids start screaming their excitement. I tilt my head and look at JC. "Any objections?"
He gives me a sideways glance. "When?"
"On the way to see Dawn. He's on the way there. Plus, we have to stop at the Lunenburg Wal-Mart."
I grab my cell and dial. JC turns to the kids. "Tell me about this 'Uncle Pete'."
"Don't tell him anything, he's cheating." It rings three times.
A groggy voice picks up. "I should fucking kill you."
"Mr. Pete Fuckin Wheeler, wanna see my spawns?"
"Who?"
"Demitr-"
"Yes! Bring em over! I miss them!"
"Be up and ready in half an hour?"
"What's this I hear you left killjoy Joe?"
"Yes, you get to meet Josh. Be nice and I'll see if I can hook ya up."
"Nah, just bring the spawns."
"See ya in half." We hang up and I go back in the kitchen as JC cleans up. "I see a nervous man I'm dating cleaning my mom's kitchen."
"Tell me about Pete, please?"
I smile and kiss him. "He's ex military, protective of the kids, and Demitryus is his buddy. Mess with the kids and death will claim you."
"Even if they're across the country?"
"Even if they're on the other end of the world."
"Is he going to have a problem with me?"
"Just relax and be you. He knows about you. He knows I left Joe."
"What doesn't he know?"
I shrug. "We'll find out when we get there. Come on kids, time to go!" They run for the car and JC and I load up the SUV. "This one. I have to drop that one off at the Enterprise on the way to Uncle Pete's house." I look at JC. "Pete's house is not something you say you know the location of. It's kind of like Area 51 and top secret. He will kill us both if someone finds out."

"Ok." We get the kids buckled, drop off my rental car, drop off ma's key to her, grab some snacks for the kids and drive the 5 minutes from Wal-Mart to Pete's. 
His car is in the driveway and I call his cell. "We're outside."
"Ok, get to the door."
I hang up and unbuckle the kids. "Rules-touch nothing and stay where you sit. Capeche?"
"Yes, mama," they reply in unison. 
We walk over to his door and he lets us come in. The kids sit on the couch and Pete looks at them. "They got huuuuggggeee!"
"Chubs is 5, Aaliyah is 7 and Mikal is turning ten in a couple months."
"Damn. School?"
"All good."
I sit in between JC's legs, just in front of him, in Pete's chair. "I take this is the new flavor?" Pete asks nodding at JC.
I laugh. "This is my boyfriend, Josh. Josh, this is Pete." They shake hands and Pete has that 'I'm messing with him' grin on his face. "No, Pete, be NICE," I say, tilting my head toward the kids.
"How long are you going to be around here?"
"I'm here for a few more hours. After we go to New Hampshire, we'll be in Bowie, MD. Stay there until Sunday and fly back to Cali."
"Bummer. I wanted to get to know him."
I roll my eyes. "No, you were going to get him stoned and/or drunk and make him shoot a gun."

He grins mischievously, putting one hand on his chest. "Why, I would never scare a guy off on you."
"No, but you'd do it for the laughs."
JC sits up. "He smokes?"
"Yeah."
Pete smirks. "She does too."
I slam my eyes shut. "Really, baby?" Pete wasn't supposed to say it. I nod, confirming the tidbit of info as true. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I've stopped smoking."
Pete laughs. "Since when?"
"Since the last time we smoked."
"That was over a year and a half ago!"
"Yeah, and what does that have to do with anything?"
"Can I take him outside and get him stoned?"
I sigh and put my head in my hands. "It's his choice. I'd rather him not."

Pete and I look in each other's eyes, having a debate before he crosses his arms over his chest. "Please, baby?" JC asks sweetly.
I take a deep breath before answering. "Only if we can take some home."
Pete smiles. "Sure. Hope you have your own device."
"Yes, we have the Turquoise Ocean."
JC rubs my side. "Where?"
"In your suitcase in the zippered pocket inside."
He kisses me. "Thanks, babe." He gets up and we head outside, letting the kids run around the driveway. 

I grab his sleeve. "You've smoked and driven before?"
He smiles, kissing by my ear. "The day we met."
I nod, remembering that day. "When?"
"Before I left my house, around 5 that morning."
"Is that why sex was at the front of your mind?" He smiles, answering without uttering a single word. "Figures," I mutter as he walks over to the car to get the Turquoise Ocean. Naming my bowls is something Pete taught me.
JC comes up behind me, wrapping his arms around me. "Are you smoking?"
"Are you driving?"
"If you want me to."
"I'll program the GPS." I put my hand out for the bowl so that I can give it to Pete to pack.
"Hell no, you pack it," Pete tells me.
"Keep an eye on the kids, please?" JC nods and turns his attention to my very hyper kids, initiating a game of Simon Says. I go inside and start packing my bowl. "You know, I didn't expect you to say that I smoke."
"Was I supposed to keep my mouth shut about that?"
"Would have been nice." I'm being terse.
"Not my style. He diseased?"
I look at Pete and smile. "No diseases, I don't date the diseased, never mind have sex." 
He laughs. "Good point."
We finish packing our bowls and head outside. JC hands me his lighter, now that I know why he always has one. Pete looks at me, reminding me of the rule. "Guests first." I hand it back to JC. He takes the first hit, inhales, holds it and exhales it as he kisses me.
He pulls away with a smile on his face as I take my first hit from the Turquoise Ocean. "Now I see where you learned to hold your breath best."
I blow the smoke I held in up into the sky. "You don't know anything."
"I'd love to learn." He takes another hit, this time from Pete's bowl.
I pass ours to Pete as JC passes me Pete's. I inhale, holding it in longer with a bigger hit, and I show I can do the dragon. "There's a reason I left home."
Pete waves at the subject. "Talk about that when you're alone. I knew you'd walk away like you did. It was just a matter of time."
"Thanks, Pete. I'll keep in touch." I give him a hug and we talk about football. After half an hour, I look at my watch. "Sorry to cut it short, but we have two and a half hours to get to Manchester, so we got to head out." I do the handshake/hug thing and he keeps his end of the bargain. 
He does the handshake/hug thing with JC. "You're a cool guy. You just might survive."
JC laughs. "I've known her 8 months and been with her for two."
"Smart. Later."
We wave as we pack up the kids and head for Dawn's. I text Pete as we pull out, JC driving. 'Thanks. Do you really think Josh is cool?'
'Yeah, he's better than killjoy'
'Aight, text ya later' I put my cell away and relax as the kids fall asleep during the drive to see Dawn.

Josh wakes me up as we pull up to Dawn's mom's in Manchester and I look at our sleeping babies. I kiss him. "Stay with them while I grab Dawn?" He nods and I get out. I walk to the door and knock. Her sister opens the door and I smile. "Dawn up?"
"Daaaaaaawwwwwwwnnnnnnnn!"
I chuckle to myself, some things don't change. She comes running down the stairs and she smiles as she nearly knocks me on my ass. "Has it really been almost two years?"
"Yes. Ready?"
"Mom, I'm with Sam. Her number is on the table."
"Ok." Her mom doesn't like me and I have no idea why. 
I climb in the middle of the front seat and she peeks at the kids. "They're huge."
"I know and scary smart."
She looks at JC. "I'm Dawn aka Tigger aka Tig-Tig aka Tiggy aka Lil D." She puts her hand out, smiling.
"My name is Joshua aka Josh aka JC aka Daddy C aka her man."
I roll my eyes as they shake hands and buckle up. "Nerds."
"Where to, ladies?"
Dawn is on the ball. "The mall."
He nods. "Zee mall it iz." He gets goofy sometimes and now I understand why he gets overly goofy. 
"You're a nerd," I say, shaking my head.
Backstreet Boys' 'She's A Dream' plays on my iPod as we pull up to a red light. "That's what you are, baby."
"You're Josh. The sweet man that grew up with a great family from Bowie, MD. The great guy that puts up with my shit."
"That's what I'm talking about," he confirms as he leans in for a kiss.
"I've never seen her so happy. Thanks, JC." 
"You're welcome, Tig."
She laughs. "You're making her smile, treating her right and the kids love you."
"Auntie Tiggy?"
"Yes, Lil Man."
Demitryus then shrieks, waking the other two from their nap. We pull into the mall parking lot and we each take one of the kids-Aaliyah goes with JC, Mikal with Dawn and Demitryus with me. We go Christmas shopping for our families, getting little things we can hide. We enjoy lunch at Friendly's, dinner at the 99 and ice cream at DQ while we laugh, talk, catch up and reminisce about everything. "Then I took the pregnancy test to prove it!"
"And you were pregnant with Aaliyah, we knew it but he had to try to convince himself otherwise." We laughed about a few other things and she smiled, genuinely. "How much of her family did you meet, Josh?"
"Five of her cousins and her mom."
"Don't meet anymore, it'll just prove my theory is right."
"Tig!"
"Lil B!"

"Oh, God! The secret's out! Now you can tell that story."
"What does the B stand for?"
"Breannalynn. My cousins came up from down south and couldn't for the life of them remember her name, so they called her Breannalynn or Lil B for the last month of the summer. My cousin, Mitch, had the hugest crush on her!"
"Even though I was involved."
"Yeah, but you laughed at all his jokes."
"Shut up, he was nice. Oh God, the twang made me just wanna die laughing."
JC chuckles. "I'm glad you didn't."
"I know, me too. I wanted to laugh so bad when I met Justin, his twang brought back the memories of Mitch. I wanted to just laugh when he said hi." I mock Justin's twang as we finish our ice cream before packing up the kids to head out. It's going on five and we have to drop Dawn off at home, stop in to see my nieces and nephews before heading to Bowie. I hug her as she says good-bye to the five of us, tears falling from our eyes. She had already told the kids to behave or she would haunt them and me that I if I don't keep JC, she would fly to LA to kick my white ass.
She looks at JC, smiling as she informs him, "Josh, stay with her and keep her happy or there won't be a body to be found, I've watched enough CSI, NCIS and Bones to get away with murdering you."
He laughs. "We have to go, baby. Keep in touch, Tig."
"I will. Bye, guys!"
"I'll email you those pictures we took today!" I shout after her and she gives me a thumbs up before going inside. I climb back in and kiss JC as I buckle my seatbelt. "Thank you."

"Now to meet the one you call Sasher, your nieces and nephews."
I put he address in the GPS and we talk about Bowie and his friend, Kace. We get to Sasha's and unload the kids to visit, I have to admit I'm nervous because it's been over a year since she's seen or heard from me. I knock on her door and Ty'esha opens the door. "Hi."
"Hey, Ty." I hug her. "I've missed you guys so much."
She shrugs. "You kept in touch through Facebook."
I breathe a sigh. "Samanther. You make an appearance with the new man."
I hug Sasha, smiling. "Josh, this is Sasha. Sasha, Josh."
They shake hands as I look around. "Tee other spawns are out."
"Oh." I walk over to some photos as Ty takes Mikal and Aaliyah to play. Josh looks for em. "Ty has them." I pick up Demitryus, pointing to pictures of my nephews and nieces. "These are my nieces and nephews from Sasher." I name them off, smiling. Five nieces and nephews, whom I've missed so bad in the past 21 months. I explain why I haven't seen them in almost two years. "I hate him." We stay for an hour and he hears stories about me, as a kid, and some are pretty embarrassing. We stay until 6:30ish and head out, hugging them as we leave. "It felt good to see them," I confess as we buckle in the kids and head for Bowie. JC lets me ramble and drive so he can sleep, going through with what he said. I drive the eight hours from Fitchburg to Bowie, waking him up when we get there. He must have set the GPS and I hadn't realized it because I followed the soft voice to his family's house. He helps me get the kids and luggage inside before looking at the clock. 
"It's almost 3am."
"Told you that we'd get here about now."
He kisses me. "You're insane, baby girl."
"But you love me."
"You love me too." We quietly giggle before spooning, holding tight to each other.

I stretch and yawn, wondering where we are before I recall the 8 hour drive to Bowie, stopping at his grandma's. I get up and see our bags methodically set in the closet. I smile and grab my shower supplies. Josh comes in and startles me by wrapping his arms around my waist and placing his head in the curve of my neck. "Oh jeeze, Josh!" I reach back and lightly pinch his side.
He quietly chuckles in my ear. "Morning, beautiful."
"I need a shower."
"Bathroom is across the hall."
"Kids?"
"Fed and waiting for lunch. We have turkey for dinner, grandma's trick to making us go to bed on time on Thanksgiving."

I turn and give him a kiss. "Thank you for everything you've done." We sway back and forth for a few minutes. "Can I wear jeans and a shirt or do I have to-"
"Sam, be you. They will love you."
I turn in his arms. "Are you absolutely sure? What if-"
He raises his eyebrows and open his eyes wide, looking into mine. "Stop it. Be you. Ok?"
I nod. "Ok. Graim thu I gçonai."
He smiles. "Same here." He knows what it means, but he's still not too great at saying it. I settle to here him say things like 'same here' and 'back at you'.
I grab my jeans, jersey, undershirt, tank top, underclothes, shoes, shower supplies and towel before heading to take a much needed shower. I put my things in my bag and head for the kitchen, hoping I'm going the right way by listening for his laugh. I see him standing beside a lively older woman, most likely his grandma. I walk up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist, planting a kiss on his back. "Morning."

"Grandma, this is Sam," he tells her as he turns around to place a kiss on my lips, turning me so I'm facing her and he's behind me.
"Joshua has been telling me so much about you."
"All good things, I hope," I answer with a sweet smile on my face.
"Other than why you had left your ex-husband and how he helped you walk away from it."
"Yes, he played a big part in helping me walk away, being supportive the whole time. I decided to give him a chance to love me because he asked. He has been so sweet to me."
"I'm glad to hear he remembers what he was taught growing up," waving a gravy covered spoon at him.

"He's also been a terrific help with my three babies. Today is proof for you, but it's a treat for me."
She smiles. "He always helped with his baby cousins when he'd come home. Always was good with the smaller ones."
"Grandma. Stop."
"When are you going to get married and have your own babies?"
"I'm not ready."
"Joshua, you're 35! At this rate, you never will!"
"Grandma, don't worry about it."
"Miss, I'm not worried about it. He'll know when he's ready and he'll let me know. I'm not rushing into a marriage, but I do believe he could be my forever. It doesn't matter if we date forever, just as long as he is happy. I'm happy with him being with me," I reassure her.

She arches her eyebrow at that small speech. "Joshua, go spend time with the babies. Your cousins and parents will be here in an hour." He sighs and sits in the living room with the kids. Demitryus climbs on his lap as the other two lean on him from either side of him and he wraps his arms around them, kissing the tops of their heads. "So, tell me about how you and Joshua met. I want to know how your relationship has blossomed, child."
I smile. "Sure, but only if you let me help you in the kitchen." She assigns some tasks and I start to tell her, speaking only loud enough for her to hear.

I love my grandma, Sam, and the kids, but when two of them are in the kitchen alone and talking quietly, it makes me nervous. All I can hear is when they laugh. I guess you could say I'm pretending to focus on the movie the kids are watching. After tonight we're staying at Tyler's because he misses us. A knock on the door pulls me out of my thoughts and back to the moment. "Hey, guys, I have to answer the door," I tell the kids and they let me up. Demitryus demands that I take him with me to answer the door. I place him on my hip, answer the door and see my mom and dad. "Mom! Dad!" I yell, surprised they came.
"Joshua, we're so happy that you made it safely. Who's this little guy?"
"I'm Demitryus," he answers fluidly. 
"Come in," I reply, stepping back and pulling the door open a little more to let them in.
"So, is this Sam's baby?"
"Youngest of three, yes. Mikal and Aaliyah, come meet my mom. Her name is Karen. That tall guy over there is my dad, Roy."

"Hi, Roy. Hi, Karen," they warmly greet my parents and I'm proud they are behaving. 
I put Demitryus down and tell them to watch Wall-E. Sam had brought nine of their favorite DVDs with her to occupy them, Wall-E is Mikal's favorite for some unexplainable reason. Demitryus loves the Tigger Movie, Pooh's Heffalump Movie and Finding Nemo. Mikal loves Wall-E, Cars and Monsters, Inc. Aaliyah loves Princess & The Frog, Sleeping Beauty and the Shrek movies. Aaliyah picked the Shrek movie where Fiona and Shrek have the babies because she likes who the princesses team up and help win against the evil godmother or her son. It's kind of funny.

"Where is she?"
"Sam's in the kitchen with grandma, dad."
"Oh, no. You must be going out of your mind wondering what they're talking about."
"Kind of." 
"Don't worry about it, unless-"
"Josh?"
"Yes, baby?"
"Could you please go get the things for cheesecake? I think this is enough," she requests.
I cock an eyebrow, completely interested in her reasoning. "Why?"
"Please," she walks right up to me, into my arms as she pleads with her beautiful sea blue eyes as she kisses me, "could you get those things, Josh?" she requests, whining just a little bit. She knows how to get her way.

"Mikal, come on. We have to get mommy the cheese cake stuff. You know what to look for," I say without moving, knowing he's got to get his shoes on. I kiss her near her ear, causing her to quietly hiss in my ear as I whisper in hers, "You owe me."
"Ok, babe," she says, pushing me away and smiling. She said yes, vacation doesn't suck! I know we just made love two nights ago, but come on! I'm addicted to her, everything about her. I've seen her through some very hard and trying times, now I'm hoping that I can keep her around for good times. She needs to learn that not all guys are what she dealt with in her past. I'm the exact opposite of them, but she's still so guarded. 
"I'm ready, Josh," Mikal informs me.
"Let's go. I'll read the list and you point out the items. Deal?"
"Deal," he confirms, shaking my hand with a smile on his face. We go to the store and grab everything she put on the list. 

Why would she put the list on an envelope? I open it and find she put money for it all inside and I shake my head, deciding to give her back the envelope with the money still inside. "I don't think mommy understands that I like to help her sometimes, do you have an idea why?"
"Because our dad never helped her and made everything harder than it had to be, mommy's used to it,"
Mikal tells me, shrugging, as we wait to check out.
Hey, for a 9 year old, he's damn smart. Maybe not book smart, but he's smart in other ways. I love her kids as if they were already mine. "Hi, Joshua."

I look up and smile at my little cousin, Ashleigh. "Hey. How are Aunt Chelsea and Uncle Jeff?"
"Good. Your son?"
"My girlfriend's oldest." I know it's corny, but I have a picture of her and the kids in my wallet. I show her and she coos over the kids. 
"They are adorable! She looks like she's a sweet girl. Are you going to be at grandma's when I get out?"
"Most likely. When do you get out?"
"In an hour."
"We're staying until Tyler heads home. She said she didn't want to impose on grandma."
"What's their names?"
"This is Mikal, the little girl's name is Aaliyah, the little guy is Demitryus and this is Sam," I inform her as I point to each one of them, beaming like a fool.
"You love her?"
"Of course."

She looks at me wearily. "Josh, I can see you love her kids, but do you really love her?"
"I'm not sure yet."
"At least that was an honest answer. $37.91."
Cheesecakes aren't cheap, but at least they're going to be enjoyed. I swipe my card to pay. Sam was right-they're delicious, sweet and addicting. Her mom made them and I found out that once you have a piece of one, you'll sneak a piece of the others just to compare them. I had a strawberry piece after we finished eating lunch at her mom's, a blueberry one after the kids got put in bed (before a shower), an apple piece in the middle of the night, a raspberry one while she was getting our food from the coffee shop near her mom's and  a cherry one while she was taking her shower. The apple is good, yet unique. She said the reason she first made it 5 years ago is because her cousin, Kari, is allergic to berries and cherries and she had made it just for them to share. Kari had let the kids have some and every year that's what they ask for other than strawberry and blueberry cheesecakes. "See you later, Ash."
"Bye, Ashleigh." Mikal is a very cautious kid, even though he has good manners.
"Bye, guys. See you at grandma's."

We leave the store and I explain to him how I know her because his face had a cross look on it as we headed for the car. "She's your cousin?"
"Yes, her dad and my dad are cousins."
"Oh, like Ma and Ellen are cousins and it makes me Kari's cousin?"
"Exactly like that. Thanks for being good."
"I know if I behave, I don't get in trouble and everything is more fun." I said he's smart.

My cell phone plays my favorite song, meaning it's Sam calling. "Hello, beautiful."
"Hey, babe. You alive in that great big store or did all the choices frighten you?"
We both laugh. "I'm alive, baby girl. Loading the car up now. Be there shortly."
"Love you."
"Love you too." We hang up and Mikal starts asking about what my grandma makes for Thanksgiving every year since I was a child. I tell him everything I could think of, remembering how the smells mix and my stomach growls. "It's probably almost time to eat, Bubbie."
"I can't wait to eat all that food."
I smile, looking at him through the rearview mirror. "Me either, me either."
It's a ten minute ride, a quiet one because he's looking at everything we pass and most likely committing it to memory. I know I did for a while. I'm glad I have my parents and my family is something I'm endlessly thankful for. I pull in the driveway and Mikal unbuckles and we bring the few bags in. "Mommy! We got everything. Josh has the list."

She comes over for a hug and a kiss from Mikal. She puts the bags he had on the counter, waiting for me to get close and smiles. I place the bags I have on the counter next to the others, take her in my arms and accept the kiss she places kisses on my lips. "Thank you for running to the store, boys," she directs at Mikal and I.
I smile at her and rub her lower back for a second. She tells me she loves when I rub her back. "You're welcome, beautiful mystery."
"Your brother has been hitting on me since he got here about twenty minutes ago," she quickly informs me.
"He's harmless," I purr.
"Demitryus told him that he'd beat him up if he didn't quit."
"Aaliyah would take him on first."
"You know the kids."
"Yes, I think I do."
"Joshua, you're distracting our baking chef," my grandma scolds. 

She has a title in the kitchen already? Grandma really likes her, that's good. The house smells like chocolate chip cookies, sugar cookies, apple pie, cherry pie, pumpkin pie, turkey, stuffing, gravy, and sweetened squash. I realize this as I sit down next to Tyler. "Been hitting on her?" I look at him.
"She has nerves of steel and seems to be in love with you."
"She has been through hell. I plan on being with her for a long time."
"She's very patient too."
"Three kids and me for a boyfriend will do that."
He rolls his eyes, chuckling with my dad. "You for a brother requires a great deal of patience."
"Josh, she really cares about who you are, but you as a son calls for a great deal of patience."
"You said I was an easy kid."
"Unless you were being stubborn, then you were a pain to deal with."
I shrug. "Every kid is stubborn."
"Josh, stop trying to fool yourself. Not every child is as stubborn as you could be."

I shake my head with a smile on my face and realize we're watching Finding Nemo. Dory can be so irritating. I get up to get a drink and stop at the doorway to watch my grandma, my mom and my girlfriend talk, cook and laugh. Sam's in between them and I'm going to get my drink ready before I sneak up behind her for a hug and kiss. I grab a juice box for each of the kids and a glass of juice for me. I slowly walk behind her, pluck her from between my mom and grandma, wrap my arms around her, bury my face in her hair and wait for her to turn around. "Josh, let me finish and I will come to sit with you and the rest of the family."
"A kiss will help me wait."
She turns around and gives me a quick kiss. "Now, out of the kitchen." I pout, trying to get a few more kisses and get denied with a poke to my side. "Out." 
I grab the juice boxes and my glass before going back to the living room. I put the straws into their juices and give it to them. "Where's my juice box?" Tyler jokes.
"You're big enough to enter that kitchen and get on your own because you're a big boy," I tease him.
"But I don't want to get up," he playfully whines.
"What are you, 'Ler? Five? I expect that from Demitryus or Aaliyah. Get off your butt and get it yourself. This is not a full serve kitchen," Sam quips. She has really good hearing that picks up bickering, fighting and awkward silences the best. It still creeps me out sometimes, but I guess it's something you learn when you deal with kids almost your whole life. Jacob and Kari are like her brother and sister, she helped raise them. Her niece and nephews (Zack, Ty'esha and Sean) lived with her and her mom for three years. Zack's 18, Ty'esha is 15 and Sean will be 12 next month. She's been in their lives since Zack was 2, might have been in and out since 03 or 04 and she tries her hardest to keep in touch. She says Sasha is the sister she's always wanted, but never had until her half brother married her. They may be divorced, but Sasha will always be her sister and her mom's other daughter. All of Sasha's kids are her nieces and nephews, she loves them endlessly (her phrasing). "Tyler, can you get that?"
"Why?"
"You're younger than me."
"Your girlfriend is younger than me."
"Tyler! Stop being a punk and please get the door," Sam interjects, essentially ending our argument. Tyler mutters something about not understanding why he has to listen to her. The rest of the family has made it and dinner should-

"Dinner! Children first, then teens, then adults," mom announces. The kids are fed and settled in at the living room coffee table before making our own plates and enjoying the smorgasbord of holiday food. I could barely focus on one conversation and tried to carry on five at the same time. Meanwhile, I listened Sam carry on more than seven different conversations. I know they were about the kids, how we met, how good I am to her, about herself, her family and a few others. Those women can talk their heads off and they talk almost too fast sometimes. She said something funny and I missed it. 

"Josh, what do like about her?" my cousin, Ashleigh, inquired.
"Her personality, smile, patience, her positive out look, and how she sees me for who I am, not what the media perceives me to be."
Ashleigh smiles at me before turning to Sam again. I hear her giggle and say, "He's so sweet, he helps, he's considerate, he's supportive, and makes time to talk about everything. He's the kind of man that I've dreamed of since I was little." I smile to myself.
She's sitting next to me and puts her hand in mine on the table. I lean over and kiss her cheek, making all the kids in the living room say 'ew'. We both laugh at that because Tyler was in on it. "Tyler, stop provoking the kids."
"I didn't provoke them, I simply encouraged them to voice their opinions on kissing."
"Whatever, Tyler. You're such a kid sometimes," I playfully argue.
"No arguing, please?" she asks.
"Ok, no arguing."

We finish eating and put away the left overs. Tyler, Heather and I are given dish duty because that's grandma's rule. "Josh, do you think you're going to be with her for more than a couple years?"
"I'm hoping it's longer than that, Heather."
"You like her that much?"
"Yes. I hope she and I stay together for a long time."
"Would you marry her?"
"I don't know. That hasn't come up yet and I don't think it will any time soon. She got out of a bad relationship recently."
"She said that you've been there for her and those kids for the past 8 months, helping as much as she'd let you."
"Yeah, I do help her as much as I can."
"What does she ask for all the time?"
"My time, to talk and to be supportive."
"What kind of supportive?"
"Morally, emotionally supportive."
"She doesn't ask for anything to do with money?"
"No, she always tries to pay for her and the kids' way with her money."
"She says she got a few of her songs out there and waiting for someone to call her."
"Yes, she talked to Tyrese, the Carter brothers, Jive, RCA, and a few other record labels. She's waiting for a call saying an artist wants to use her song."
"She seems pretty calm about it."
"She's actually nervous and anxious."
"So you talk about it?"
"Every few days we touch on the subject and I reassure her that someone will like it, want to record it."
"When was the last time you talked about it?"
"Last weekend."
"It's Wednesday already."
"She brings it up. She has the lead for that subject."
"Oh, so when it bugs her, she brings it up?"
"Yes." My cell phone rings and my sister nods, letting me answer it. I go on the back porch to take the call. "Hello?"
"JC, how are you doing?"
"Good. I'm sorry to seem rude, but I'm in Maryland with my family."
"Is it ok to speak to your girlfriend or is she not with you?"
"She and the kids are with me. What's up, Tyrese?"
"Man, I read her song 'Lovingly' and I want to use it."
"Wow, for real?"
"Ok, Shad wants to use it and me to be guest vocals."
"That-that's great give me a minute."
"I'll hold on."
I mute the phone and find my girlfriend. "Josh, you look frantic."
"I have a phone call for you and it's important."
"What?"
"Songs."
"Mama, would you watch the kids for a few minutes?"
"Go on." I love my mom, love her more than words could express.

We go onto the porch and I unmute the call. "Tyrese, are you still there?"
"I'm still here, man. So what's the verdict?"
"Let me put you on speaker." I put him on speaker. "Sam can hear you now."
"Sam, could Shad and I use 'Lovingly'?"
"We can work out the finer details after JC and I get back to LA, but yes. I would like to hear what it would sound like, even if it's just the music. I would also like to hear the raw version."
"Definitely."
"Who's Shad?"
"Bow Wow."
"Oh, that's cool. Thanks for calling and thank you for wanting to use my song. It means so much to me."
"I hope to see more of your songs, lyrics and poems floating around."
"Thank you. I'll have JC call you when we get back on Sunday. We can set up a time to meet then."
"Sounds great. Talk to you Sunday."

We hang up and she shrieks, jumping at me for a hug. I smile at her excitement and giddy reaction. I hug her back and she gives me an emotional and happy kiss. She keeps thanking me. "I told you someone would like them."
"Now it just feels so surreal, but it's true and you were right. Thank you. I love you." She kisses me again. The rest of the night is a blur. I know we grabbed our things and made it to Tyler's for the simple fact that we sat on the couch and told him.

I wake up to Tyler standing over me. "Morning, sunshine."
"Uhhhhh," I groan in response.
"You're just like my brother. The same guy who woke up with your three terrors."
My eyes go wide. "He could've woken me up," I half whine.
"You looked so peaceful, I decided to let you sleep in for an hour," JC informs me with a gorgeous smile on his face, reaching his beautiful medium blue eyes.
"Thank you, but they're my babies."
"I accepted responsibility for them when I asked you to date me and you agreed," he argues.
I sigh, knowing it's pointless to argue about it. "Was I dreaming or is one of my songs actually going on someone's album?"
"It's happening."
"It feels like I'm dreaming."

Demitryus runs into the bedroom with JC's cell in hand, ringing like crazy. "Thanks, Lil Man. Hello? Hold on let me put you on speaker, Shad." He presses a couple buttons and it goes to speaker. "Run the playback you have so far." I hear my song with Shad and Tyrese's voices singing and rapping the words, along with what they've added. 
"What do you and Sam think?" That must be Shad. "We did that last night. I'm flying home in a couple hours and wanted to know."
"I love it, Shad. It's beautiful. A little different from what I heard in my head, but still beautiful."
"You like it?"
"Yeah, it came out great. I, holy shit, amazing."
He laughs. "Good. Sorry for calling at this hour, but I wanted your honest reaction before I went home for the rest of the weekend. I plan on being back in LA Sunday evening."
"Ok. Could we call you on your cell and three way with Tyrese?"
"Sure. When?"
"Sunday, unless you can set up a time with him to meet at JC's."
"I can get Ty to be there Sunday night."
"What time?"
"Nine good?"
"Perfect, we'll be able to focus better and go into his studio. My kids will be asleep by then."
"Cool, see ya then. I'll call you with Ty's answer and he'll call to double confirm to err on the side of caution."
"Thank you, Shad."
"Thank you for writing it."
"You just started making me believe that my dream of being in the music industry isn't unfounded."
"You just made my next album one track closer to possible."
"You're welcome, Shad."
"Later."
"Later." We hang up with him and I shriek, causing the other three occupants to cover their ears and my two older kids to come running in the room. They stop at the door to look at me like I'm insane.

Mikal speaks up first. "What's wrong, Ma?"
"Nothing is wrong, something is right."
"Dad's gone, we're happy, Josh is nice to us, he helps us, he actually cares, what else could be right?"
"One of my songs is being recorded by two well known artists and will be put on their next album." I can hardly contain my excitement.
I pull out my phone and find a picture of them to show the kids. Aaliyah doesn't miss a beat. "Isn't that the guy you and Sasha would kill each other over?"
"Hon, I have my dream man, Sasha can have Tyrese. His real name is Shad, but everyone calls him Bow Wow." They start jumping around excited as I get out of bed and Josh puts Demitryus down to join his brother and sister. I wrap my arms around his neck as his hands hold my hips. "Thank you for being here to see me succeed."
He kisses me. "I've had my time and you're welcome, beautiful mystery."
"What's with the 'beautiful mystery' nickname or pet name thing?"
"It's a nickname I came up for her the day we met."
"I have got to hear this story." JC tells his brother as we head to the kitchen.
"That's how she became my beautiful mystery."
"Wow, I had no idea she knew things like that. The astrology/Chinese zodiac thing, the other language, and knowing all that jazz. She knew exactly how to get out of a bad relationship, on her own nonetheless. Is there anything she can't do?"
"She says everything she tries either pans out or she's meant to pass it onto someone else in life that she comes in contact with."
"She's how much younger than you?"
"About 9 1/2 years, bro."
"She's got more than enough wisdom and knowledge to make up for the age gap and then a whole factory filled with bags of chips."

I look at JC and he points to two cabinets and a drawer. I find the bowl, cereal and spoon I was looking for. "We talk alot. The past couple days has been all about me learning who she is and her learning who I am."
"At least you're doing it early in the relationship."
"Hey, 'Ler, where are you hiding the milk in the over stocked fridge of yours?" I ask, turning around.
JC smiles. "Two shelves lower than we do. Regular jug. He doesn't like the light block container."
I roll my eyes. "Ok. Thanks." I grab the milk and enjoy my bowl of Apple Jacks. I make sure to put the milk back after I take the first bite, to ensure I don't forget. "I'm so excited. I mean, c'mon, one of MY songs that I wrote myself is being recorded for an artist's album for release WORLDWIDE. I put them out there and it's a piece of me being shown to the world. My honest emotions and oh, god..." I wrote that when I realized how much I love JC! Oh, my God! I have to explain the song to them on Sunday. It's too late to retract the approval.
"What's wrong, baby girl?"
"I wrote 'Lovingly' about you."
"What?" he questions as he blinks and shakes his head for a second.
"The song Shad and Tyrese are recording, it's about you."
"Ok, what does it mean?"
I take the last bite of cereal and wash the bowl as I chew. I start to shake a little bit. "Well, I can tell you that it's all good things," I tell him without looking at him.
"Tyler, can you keep an eye on the kids for a few minutes?"
A few silent moments pass before Tyler answers. "Sure, I guess I can tolerate 'Monsters, Inc' for a little bit." 

I dry my hands on my fleece pj pants and JC quickly comes to stand behind me, wrapping his arms around me. "Baby, look at me. Please? I promise you I'm not mad, I'm just surprised."
I sigh and turn around, making sure to focus my ocean blue orbs on his medium blue ones. "Promise?"
"Promise," he says before gently kissing my lips with his soft ones to seal the promise. "What does the song mean?"
"The one Tyrese and Shad chose, 'Lovingly', is about a person who's in love with someone and hasn't figured out how to express it. It's the inner dialogue they have about how they see that person and what they do for them. How they do everything. 'I may be in love/how do I say it?/I send thanks to the heavens above/everything is done lovingly, every bit/never turning away/always there for me/slowly loving you more everyday/I watch you do every little thing, my heart beats for you lovingly, in many ways' and that's the first chorus."
He pulls me into a hug, kissing the top of my head. "Baby, thank you."
"For what?"
"For loving me all this time. For writing it. For telling me." He grabs my hips and lifts me onto the counter beside the sink to make our eyes level. "Look at me, Sam. You wrote that hoping I'd find it, you put it out there hoping it'd be grabbed by an artist and made into a song, you let it be made for an album hoping I would hear it. I know the meaning behind it and it sounds phenomenal because it's in the right artists' hands. I'll co-produce it, if you want me to."
I nod, calming down. "Yes. I want you to co-produce it. I want nobody else's hands on this track but ours, Shad's and Tyrese's."
He pulls my face to his as we close our eyes and my forehead rests on his. "I will make that clear when they call, ok?"
"Yeah." I know he's standing flush with the counter and i let my arms fall around his neck, my forearms on his shoulders so I can play with the short hair on the back of his head. My elbows sit near his collarbone and we look into each other's blue orbs. He kisses my forehead before kissing my mouth, reassuringly.

He looks at me as he brushes strands of hair out of my face, smiling to prove that he's proud of me for everything I've done in the 8 long and trying months. It's one of those gentle, reassuring, and comforting kinds of smiles. His cell phone rings and he gives me a quick kiss, one filled with pure emotion. "Hello?"
"Hey, it's Shad."
"Hey, man, there's one stip to this song."
"What's that? Her song, her rules."
"Has anyone but your hands or Tyrese's been on it yet?"
"No, why?"
"She only wants four pairs of hands to touch the track till it goes to final copy-yours, Tyrese's, her own and mine."
"That's cool with us. It also helps to keep the track under wraps. We plan on seeing you around 9 Sunday night."
"Ok, we'll meet you at my house and work in my studio."
"We'll bring the track."
"Tyrese is still calling?"
"Yes."
"Ok, see you Sunday."
"Later." 

They hang up and he turns his attention back to a very guarded girlfriend. "Baby, relax. Would I make things worse if I told you that the whole family will be at the local veteran's hall for a Thanksgiving gathering?"
My eyes nearly bug out of my head as my eyes meet his. "Um, just a bit." I'm more scared to meet his whole family than I am of him meeting mine because he's better adapted to dealing with people than I have ever been.
He smiles and rubs the side of my face using his thumbs, following my freckles from my nose to my cheeks. "Love, you've already got my mom and my grandma wrapped around your finger by being yourself. You wouldn't believe me if I told you that you're the first girlfriend I've brought home and my mom and grandma have agreed on."
"How do you know they agreed about me? Or even like me?"
"They nodded at me with a smile at the table. Every one of my female cousins, aunts, my grandma, my mom and my sister did last night. They all love you, they're in love with the kids and believe it or not-my dad really reminded me of the lobotomy he said I'd need if I let go, let you walk out of my life, let you leave me."

My phone plays 'How You Remind Me', signaling Kari sent me a text. "Who's phone is rocking that awesome ringtone?"
I smile and look over JC's shoulder at his brother. "That'd be mine," I reply.
"I'll grab your cell, if you want."
"Please, 'Ler?"
"Manners, good taste in music and dating my brother, maybe we can get along after all," he teases as he brings me my cell. "Who's this?"
"Kari is my little cousin."
JC shakes his head. "She isn't so little anymore."
"She's still younger than me, therefore making her 'little' to me." I read the text and laugh. "Fucking Kari." I continue to laugh and send her a text with a picture of the kids asleep on each other in the car. Demitryus is in the middle with his arms around Mikal and Aaliyah and it was too cute not to take the picture. I write below the picture 'Results of eating Gandma C's Thanksgiving grub... They still have tonight and tomorrow to eat it before we're turkeyd out for a whole year!!!'
My cell rings again and she's calling. "Josh's pool hall, LoveBunny speakin'." 
She's on speaker. She busts out laughing, borderline guffaw kind of laugh. "Are you fucking serious?"
"Kari, kids. I thought it would get you laughing."
"That text was so cute! I had to save the pic," she admits.

"Thought you might. How you holding up?"
"It's boring. Come back home."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"I still have quite a bit of his family to meet."
"How much?"
JC smiles. I don't thi- "Three quarters of them, after tonight she has to meet the other half tomorrow."
"WHAT?!?"
"Ow!" Kari and JC respond unanimously and at the same time.
"If you're gonna be with her, get used to it."
"I don't think you want to hear my response."
"Try me."
"She's louder in a particular room when we're involved in our extracurricular activity."
"Awww, that's nasty!"
"I said you didn't want to know."
"Anyway, good luck on meeting his family."
JC kisses me and smiles before answering. "Kari, she has the approval of a good portion of women in my family."
"Did she wear a skirt?"
"No, she wore a pair of jeans and one of my shirts, a vintage tee."
"Wow. You'll fit into his family better than your own."

She and I laugh and hang up. I look at Tyler and shake my head. "She's taken and 18." I shoot him an 'I dare you to try' smile. "I wouldn't touch her, unless you wanna sign your death certificate and warrant. I'll be one of the hunters, I've watched enough crime shows to kill you and nobody will ever find any evidence," I switch my smile to a sweet one, overly sweet.
JC starts laughing like a hyena (YouTube-reel NSYNC part 17, most fans know what I'm referring to and yeah I'd watch it before meeting him), uncontrollably. "Are you sure she's sane, Josh?"
This only makes JC laugh harder, making me get closer to breaking my reserve. Yeah, I'm having my bit of fun. JC stops laughing just long enough to look at me and laugh hard enough to have to put his head on my shoulder, draping his arms around me so that his hands are touching my ass. I can't keep a straight face between JC laughing that contagious laugh and Tyler's face being filled with complete terror, causes me to bust out in endless laughter. After ten minutes of uncontrollable laughter and Tyler pulling him away from me to punch him playfully in the arms, chest and shoulders repeatedly, JC finally answers him. "She's more sane than 99.79% of the girls I've come across."
"Then what was that shit about no evidence?"
"She likes to break the tension by fucking with people, literally or figuratively."
"Which one were you?"
"Literally, we fooled around for the first six months."
"I was figuratively fucked with, I take it."

As our laughs die down to occasional chuckles, we confirm Tyler's assumption. I leave JC to tell him how I pissed off Justin, why Chris called me a damn chihuahua, and why I'm so scared. Their parents already know the whole backstory when it comes to me because he told them once I had said he could. I kiss the kids and tell them to behave for JC and Tyler. I tell them I need a shower and walk back to the room. "At the end of the hall, across from the stairs."
"Thanks, babe!" I call to JC, heading for the bathroom. I do my normal shower routine-shampoo, shave, rinse, condition, wash my body and rinse. I dry off and wrap my hair. I throw on my jeans and black Rocawear shirt (I've had it since 08 and it was a hand me down), pulling it down to cover my stomach and butt because it's long enough to be a mini dress. I place my clothes in the corner of my suitcase I reserve for dirty clothes. Time for me to pick on my man. "Here it comes, millennium and everybody's talkin bout Jerusalem..."
"Enough!"
I giggle coming up behind him. "We don't need all these prophecies tellin us what's in sign.."
"Baby, please."
"Kiss me."
"Why should I?"
"I can sing another one."
His body tenses up, knowing I will. "Give me a break, please?"
"Every time I turn around to find my heart face down..."
"That's not one I did."
Tyler thinks for a few seconds. "No, it's Nickelback. 'Feelin Way Too Damn Good'."
"You got your hand on the land mine ready to blow..."
"Who's that?"
"My Darkest Days."
"Name of that song?"
"It's called 'Move Your Body', 'Ler."
"You listened to his bullshit and Nickelback at the same time?"
I pull my iPod out, unlock it and pull up my song list. "You can judge for yourself," I tell him as I give it to him.
"Jackson 5, Janet, Backstreet Boys, my brother's group, him solo, Justin solo, Nick Carter, Aaron Carter, Ja Rule, Tupac, Lady A, Trace Adkins, Toby Keith, My Darkest Days, Ludacris, your taste in music is oddly self contradicting and very conflicted."
"Just like her."
"Is that why she had to mess with me?"

I can't miss out on this one. "I did that for shits and giggles."
"Smart ass."
"I'm sorry if I scared you, but I'd walk away before I'd do anything to hurt anyone."
"Now I know that, after the fact."
"Better late than never."
Tyler rolls his eyes and goes to finish getting ready for the second family get together. "Josh, have you told her where we're going for dinner today?"
"Not yet."
"You should tell her."
I look at him concerned. He shakes his head. "Heather's."
I immediately relax. "I like Heather."
"Here's one you might know-'Only the names will change everyday, it seems we're wasting away, another place where the faces are so cold, I drive all night just to get back home, on a steel horse I ride...'"
JC snaps his fingers, knowing this song. Demitryus chimes in with, "I'm wanted dead or aliiiive!" 
JC continues to finish the song after Demitryus' help. I join in once he gets to my favorite verse, "I walk these streets with a loaded six string on my back, I play for keeps cuz I might not make it back, I've been everywhere and yet I'm standing tall, I've seen a million faces and I've ROCKED THEM ALL!!!" JC finishes the last half a minute or so without my voice and we laugh.
"Did I just hear one of your kids finish a classic rock song from when Josh and I were kids?"
"Yes, my youngest knows the chorus to Bon Jovi's 'Wanted Dead Or Alive'. My oldest knows the chorus to Billy Idol's 'White Wedding Part 1'. My baby girl knows Shania Twain's 'Waiter! Bring Me A Water!'."
"Yeah, right!"
Aaliyah always shows off first. "Something seemed to catch his eye ohh ohh ohh over my shohh ohh ohhlder, I turned around to see what's up, she was new and he wanted to know ohh ohh ohh her, waiter! Bring me a water! I have to help him keep his cool, waiter! Bring me a water!, he's acting like a fool, I tried my best to block his view..."
Tyler tells me to play it and I do. "She missed a couple parts, but for being seven and not in the industry, that's damn good. The boys only know the chorus to those songs?"
"By heart, the rest of their songs they can sing along with."
"Not bad."

"I always have music playing."
JC pulls me backward toward his body and holds me close. "Always music, I swear she needs it like air."
"Better than some needs."
"Like what?"
"Drugs."
"True."

My phone plays Matchbox 20's 'Disease'. "What?"
"Sam, I want to see the kids," he slurs.
"No."
"I have visitation."
"Not after the last time you don't."
"Why?"
"The courts ruled you a danger to me and the kids."
"Open the door."
"How?"
"I know you're home."
"I've been on the opposite coast for a few days already."
"Come on."
"No."
"Stop lying to me and open the damn door!"
"No."
"Open the door." 
"No." I look at JC who's on the phone with LAPD. He's informing them that I'm on the phone with him right now and he's slamming on my apartment door, clearly violating the restraining order.
"I love you!"
"I don't love you."
"Open the door so we can fix this, us."
"There is no fixing it. It's over. We're DONE."
"Don't say that."
"It's been over." I hear him get knocked to the floor and wait for an officer to pick up.

"Officer DeSantos."
"Thank you, Officer DeSantos. He was in direct violation, correct?"
"Yes, miss. He will be fined and go before the judge. Are you in the area?"
"Not until Sunday, officer."
"You and the children are together?"
"Yes."
"You'll be able to come back to your apartment knowing he won't disrupt you for a couple weeks at least."
"Thank you. I believe this was the second time."
I hear a car door open and him radio to dispatch. "Jeffrys, j-e-f-f-r-y-s. Yes, that's the one. Thank you, Officer Mitchell. Yes, this is the second time."
"When should I expect the papers?"
"End of next week. Where would you like them sent?"
I look at JC and he nods, consenting for the papers to go to his address. "To my secondary address, to Joshua Chasez's address."
"Yes, miss. You should have the papers within a week from tomorrow."
"Thank you." I hang up, shaking my head at the situation.
"This is ridiculous. Your divorce finalizes in 13 months unless he proves to be a bigger threat."
"You read the whole thing to me."
He chuckles. "Yeah, you signed away everything but the child support. No alimony, you let him have the apartment and took his name off your account. The child support goes right in that account, directly deducted from his pay. He's not going to have that job by the time he gets released."
"I make enough and I've saved quite a bit in the past couple months."
"Always thinking."
"Yeah, the divorce was originally set for thirty months. His first incident proved that sooner finalization is best. Dropped to 15 and now it's probably going to drop down to 9 months."

He turns me to face him and rests his forehead on mine to look into my stressed orbs. "Let's just focus on spending time with my family, hmm?"
I nod as he rubs up and down on my back, soothing my obviously frayed nerves. "How do you get her to go from clearly seething to entirely cool and calm, like that?" He snaps his fingers to demonstrate.
"She just needs a reminder of what we're doing, who's involved and she calms down. Sometimes she just needs to cry, to be held, to hear my heart beat, to hear my breathing, to hear me talk for a few minutes, to hear my opinion and then she's fine. It's like Demitryus with this f-u-z-z-y blanket because that's his comfort object and my best guess is that I'm hers."
"You have more patience than I would with that."
"I've seen what she's been through in the past 8 months, she told me about what she's been through and we talk as much as we can. She knows my history and she's been good to me. She's a strong woman, mother and girlfriend."
"She has to be strong to put up with you."
I look up to find JC glaring at Tyler across the kitchen. "Can I have a kiss?"
JC's eyes lock onto mine and his face softens as a smile appears. "Of course, baby." 
He obliges and I look between the two of them. "You two make the kids seem like angels right now. Aaliyah Leilani. Mikal Lawrence. Demitryus Colin. Touch it and no privileges when we get back. Thank you. Takes a strong woman to be a single mom and deal with everything I do."
I focus on Tyler, who's dumbfounded as to how I could tell the kids were about to mess with his extensive DVD collection. "But, how, you didn't even, what, you're creepy."
I rest my forehead on JC's chest between my hands and laugh quietly. "It's a mom thing. Your mom still does it."
"Grandma still does it. Now, you need to get your shoes on so we can get over to Heather's," JC says, directing the latter part at me.

I imitate Peanut (Jeff Dunham's puppet) to the best of my ability, "Ok!" He smiles, gives me another quick kiss before I turn away and he lightly smacks my ass playfully. "I'm going, I'm going, jeeze!" I hear Tyler laugh as I grab my shoes from the bedroom, walk back into the kitchen and put them on.
"Why does she do that?"
"What?"
"You don't realize she doesn't put her shoes on in the bedroom?"
"It's something her grandma enforced when she was a kid and now it's just out of habit. I'm used to it. She does it, but doesn't force the kids to do the same thing."
"It doesn't bother you?"
"No, she carries them out of the room, puts em on the floor and gets them on."
"Doesn't she untie them?"
"No, she has them tied so that she can get her feet in and out comfortably and tightens them as they become loose."
"You've learned all this by watching her?"
"I learned some of it by talking to her." 

I check if the kids have their shoes on. "Haon, dó, trí, brógaí," I tell them, touching their heads as I count. They get up, turn the tv off, grab their shoes and the younger ones ask for help with their shoes.
"What did she just say?"
"Tyler, chill. She speaks some Gaelic, French, Spanish and obviously English. That was 'one, two, three, shoes', in Gaelic. She does it all the time."
"What does she speak the most other than what we speak?"
"Usually Gaelic. She curses in French."
"Was she taught or is she learning on her own?"
"On her own and teaching the kids."
The kids start to bicker over who gets in first. I put my hands up. "Dhóthain, stop sé. Tá a fhios agat níos fearr. Lean ár ghnáthamh, thuiscint?" I look at them, meaning every word I just told them.
"Yes, momma," they reply in unison.
"What did you just tell them, Sam?" I look at Tyler who's eyebrows are knit together in confusion.
I smile softly at him. "I told them 'enough, stop it. You know better. Follow our routine, understand?' Which they answered with 'yes, momma'."
"Oh. You're used to this, Josh?"
"I've gotten used to it. I know if it's not directed at me, I don't have to worry. If she tells the kids something and they come to me, they can translate what she said but can't speak it very well. I know a couple phrases and can pick out some words. When she comes to me and says certain things, I follow her body language and tone."
"Is she Irish?"
"I'm Irish and Scottish, so I made the choice to start learning Gaelic to reinforce my heritage."
"You're proud to be Irish and Scottish?"
"Very much so, thuiscint?"
"All set, let's go," JC informs us, picking up Aaliyah.
"Go raibh maith agat, mo ghrá."
"You're welcome, love," he answers, giving me a quick kiss before we head out the door.

"How do you understand that?" Tyler inquires as we load the kids into the car.
"Like I told you just a little while ago, she speaks Gaelic often. I know 'ghrá' is love and that what she said before that is something along the lines of 'thanks'. I've been listening to her talk to the kids in it for somewhere around six months." Demitryus starts to squirm in his car seat to be difficult. I glare at him and tell him 'stop sé'. He let's me buckle him in and Josh is standing beside me, leaning back against the car. "Are you driving or am I?"
"You are because I have no clue where I'm going," I remind him.
He gives me another kiss. "Valid point," he agrees with a smirk.
"Now, we need to get going," I tell him as I get in the passenger seat and buckle up. I look back and see Mikal is unbuckled. "Bubbie, búcla suas."
JC looks around his seat at him. "We're waiting on you, bud." He buckles his belt and we head out to Heather's house, a 20 minute drive away from Tyler's house. "Heather!" JC yells into the house.

"Josh! Tyler! You're cute! Aren't you handsome? I can tell Josh dressed him. You're so pretty! You must be Sam, I'm Heather," she rants. She stands about 5 foot 7, dirty blonde hair, hazel eyes and slender, with curves.
I smile and nod. "Yes, I am. These are my babies, Mikal is the oldest, Aaliyah is my only girl and the little one I'm holding is Demitryus. You like kids?"
"Yes, I love kids. They are so blonde! Their eyes are so blue!"
"Their father and I were both blonde and are blue eyed, ourselves."
"Makes sense then. Come in, get them settled. Then us girls can leave the babies with the boys so we can cook and talk."
"Do you have any Disney movies?"
"I have them all on DVD," she says opening a cabinet to show me.
"What movie?" I look at the kids. They yell out three different movies. "Haon."
"Aristocats," they agree.
"Thank you, Heather." 
"Thank you, Heather," the kids echo.
I point to her floor behind the coffee table. "Suigh síos." They sit on the floor as Heather puts the movie in and starts it. She gets it set up and tells JC and Tyler to sit on the couch. We head for the kitchen and start prepping food to be cooked. 

"So what did you say to the kids?"
"Hmm? When?"
"A couple minutes ago when they were picking a movie."
"Oh, I told them 'one' and 'sit down' in Gaelic."
"Really? It sounded strange."
I giggle. "It's a pretty much forgotten language. It's hardly used."
"Even by the people that live in the area?"
"Yes, even by the Irish and Scottish."
"It's an Irish and Scottish language?"
"Yes, and it's not something that can be easily learned."

"I want to learn something."
I think for a second. "Ná tús."
"Ná tús," she says, fluidly. "What does it mean?"
"It means 'don't start'." I spend the rest of the time we cook and bake teaching her some basic Gaelic. Before we know it everything is done and we still have five minutes to spare. We have cheesecakes (JC told her), pumpkin pie, apple cinnamon pie, turkey, ham, corn, broccoli, carrots, squash, mashed & baked potatoes, mashed and baked sweet potatoes, candied yams, stuffing, apple crisp, homemade breads, rolls, and everything is on the servers.
"When you cook for a holiday or something like that, you don't take it like a joke."
"Thanks. You don't either."
"When you cook for over 40 people, you can't afford to."
"How many are going to be at the get together tomorrow?"
"Over 350 people, cousins and all from both sides, why?"

My jaw goes slack and I squeak. "Joshua Scott Chasez, faigh do thóin i anseo ceart anois!!!"
Tyler laughs. "She usually yell at you in Gaelic?"
"No. Demitryus, what did mom say?"
"Get your butt in there now."
"Joshua Scott Chasez, faigh do thóin i anseo ceart anois," I repeat through gritted teeth, quickly growing impatient.
"I'm coming, baby." He stands in front of me and pulls me to him.
"Oh, just 'some' family?"
His eyes quickly dart to his sister behind me and settle on mine again. "Yes?"
"Josh, 350!"
"I come from a big family?"
"Uaireanta, N'fheadar conas déileáil mé leat. I love you, but you can't spring things like the number of family members are coming to these functions or get togethers. I have to get used to it by what time tomorrow?"
"4:30 tomorrow afternoon. I'm sorry."
"I'm an introvert in groups that big. 40 people, 60 people, I'm fine until it's more than a hundred. Now I'm going to be so nervous and scared."
"The head count for tonight is near-"
"57, Josh."
"Which means you met around 93 last night. That makes up half of the family. You'll be fine because I'll be right by your side." He pulls me in for a hug, just to calm my nerves. "I'm right here for you and I want you to meet my family."
I listen to his words and let them sink in as I listen to his breathing and heart beating. "Just warn me next time."
"I will," he reassures me.

There's a knock at the door, breaking up the moment. "It's probably mom and dad or grandma," Heather assures me, hoping she's right she answers it herself. 
Karen comes I to the kitchen and sees JC holding me as close as he can, resting his chin on my head. "What's wrong?"
"I didn't tell her exactly how many people are in our whole family and now she's anxious about tomorrow," JC explains.
Karen starts to tear into him about having taught him to forewarn people when it comes to the size of the family. I'm laughing so hard to myself that only Karen and Heather can tell, which just fuels their mom to proceed to continue the lecture. Josh pushes me back enough to see that my face is red, explaining my body's shaking. "It's not funny!"
"You're right-it's absolutely hysterical!" I manage to say between laughing fits.
Tyler comes in the kitchen and laughs with me. JC slugs his brother in the arm and his body tenses, showing his irritation about the situation. "She's right."
"Screw you."
"Níos déanaí."
"Sam!"
I start laughing even harder. "You said it and I answered, honestly at that."

He shakes his head as Heather is greeting people as they arrive and JC introduces me to everyone. My head is a jumbled mess with having to remember so many names. "They will send us pictures with everyone's names attached and I put them in an album at home."
"Good. I hope they don't expect me to remember their names by Christmas."
He looks at me, confused. "Why do you say that?"
"It ain't going to happen that fast. It's going to take till 4th of July, at the very least."
He guffaws and side hugs me. "That's fine."
"I love you, Josh."
"Love you too."
We go around the room, serving the kids in attendance before getting our plates and sitting down to eat. "Josh came into the store with your oldest yesterday."
"He did? You're? I'm sorry, I'm bad with names."

"Ashleigh. Yes, he said you sent him for cheesecake ingredients."
"I did and I made the cheesecake you're about to eat is what he bought last night."
"Well, it looks very good."
"Thank you. Do you have a sweet tooth?"
"Especially right now, I do."
"One, maybe two pieces will take care of it. It's a very sweet and addicting dessert."
She takes a bite and looks like she's loving it and in heaven about it. "Can I have the recipe? You probably have Josh addicted to this because as much as I love my cousin, he's got a really bad sweet tooth."
"I know," I tell her.
"Really?"
"In the 8 months I've known him, he has always had some sort of sweet in his fridge, candy on his counter and tables, he even has some in the nightstand on his side of the bed."
She giggles. "Catch him dipping into his stashes?"
I scoff. "I've snuck a few pieces a couple days a month," I quietly admit.
"That explains why my stash has been dwindling faster than before." I look to my right and see him, prompting me to give him a gentle smile.
"It's me or the kids," I point out. 
He nods, agreeing. "I guess I can deal with that."
"It's either that or I make cheesecakes just for me for a week every month and you can't have any."
His eyes widen at the thought of having to see cheesecake in the fridge and not being allowed to have a single bite. "I'll deal with it as long as you make cheesecakes during that week and we share," he says flashing a cheesy grin.
"I think we can do that." He kisses me and walks off to catch up with some other family members of his. "I think I've created a monster."
"At least you have it tamed."
"No, watch, I bet we'll get home and as soon as we leave the damn airport he's going to ask me to make a couple cheesecakes, I'll tell him if he gets what I need to make em, he's going to stop at the store, get everything and head home."
"Then, I agree, you have created a monster. At least it eats food instead of people."
I laugh at her reasoning. "He starts eating people, he's a zombie."
She laughs at my thought. "You've watched the 'Resident Evil' movies?"
"Yup, and seen the games. I prefer the movies."
"What other movies do you like?"
"Freddy, Chucky, Twilight, Harry Potter, just to name some."
"You're all over the place movie-wise."
"And when it comes to music too," Tyler informs her in passing.

JC pulls me over to his newest baby cousin, Mariana. I spend the rest of the night talking to various members of his family before we head back to Tyler's place. We put the kids to bed as Tyler puts the confiscated cheesecakes in the fridge and we go in our bed room. He pulls me to the bed and he sits on the edge of the bed, pulling me onto his lap before planting a sensuous kiss on my cupid's bow shaped lips. "I think you did wonderfully last night and tonight. I bet you'll do just as well, if not better, tomorrow."
"But.. What... If... I... Offend... Or... Upset... Someone... Or... Fall... Flat... On... My... Face... Or... Fuck... Up?" I ask, he steals kisses between each and every word.
"You'll do fine, relax," he tells me, sure of me.
"You always have more faith in me than I do."
"Somebody has to have enough faith for the both of us in the relationship. I trust you're going to be just fine. We just left my sister's house and it's going on 11, we need to sleep and I know you're just as wound up as I am."

At this point I had dropped more weight. Last time I had checked before I got to my mom's, I was 167 two months ago and I'm surprised to have stepped on the scale to find out that I'm down to 143. I'm toned, eat right and beyond active between my routine, playing with the kids and JC. "Josh, 143."
"I think that's cause for more celebration."
I toss my head back in a fit of giggles as his hand runs down my slightly doughy stomach. It's like Britney's on her 'Oops!' album or like Mariah's in her 'Heartbreaker' video. Looks doughy, but you can feel the muscles underneath. He knows how hard I've worked to get to this point, he encourages me and even helps at times. Hell, even his friends have praised me and asked if I'm the same woman they've seen him with. He always laughs and tells them yes. "Everything that calls for celebration leads to my favorite time and activity with you."
He just grins that dirty 'want you' grin. "Then we're on the same page." He roughly kisses me, endlessly, only breaking it when we pull off each other's shirts and my bra. We kick our shoes off and he rolls so that he's standing between my muscular legs, pinning me with my jean clad ass at the edge of the bed. We allow ourselves to moan into each other and our bodies mesh together, sighing and gasping between moans. His hands go in opposite directions, one to my right hip to keep me pinned in place and one to my breast to pinch and twist my nipple. We're grinding, half dressed from the waist down, letting out low moans, groans and grunts. I'm hot and bothered, I want him to do something, anything and now. He masterfully unbuttons my favorite LEI jeans and slides his hand in under my thong, resting his thumb on my clit and placing his middle finger in me. He slowly massages my clit as his finger slides in and out of my aching center, my legs pulling him closer to my body as chills run down my spine and I quietly moan, expressing my desires without speaking a word. His lips travel over my jaw, tracing it's path to the spot barely above the curve in my neck that leads to my shoulder as his hips keep rubbing and thrusting against the crotch of my jeans. I can feel him getting hard, turning me on more. I pin my bottom lip between my teeth as my hands go in different directions, one scratches down his back just to lightly brush back to the top again, the other grabbing his hair at the top of the back of his head. He pulls his hand out of my pants and brings his hand from my hip to my jeans and removes them, my legs unwinding from his waist just long enough to achieve this motion. I sit up long enough to undo his pants and finish stripping him, wanting him inside me. My hand wraps around his shaft, warm and hard, and I slowly stroke him to match his movement. His hands go back to my hip and my core, the latter being barely touched. He slowly settles his hand so that his middle and forefinger massages inside my folds, allowing his thumb to glide over my nub. I begin to breathe faster and he guides me to the middle of the bed, climbing up on the bed to join me. I want to feel him stretching my walls, thrusting in and out as he drives me wild playing with my clit. We both start fiending after a couple days without making love. You'd have to be with him to understand, but I'll explain it as best as I can-it's like how he is about the cheesecakes I make, kind of like an addiction. His member is rubbing my outer lips, starting to make me arch my back to try to point out my desire and clarify it to him. He nips at the skin on my neck in response. 

 "Anois, josh, anois," I whimper.
He has memorized one phrase in Gaelic that I tell the kids about toys and junk they don't need-"Gan anois."
"Josh," I whine.
"Gan anois, mo ghrá."
I half moan, half whine. "Is gá dom duit anois."
He starts to tease me by rubbing the head up and down my slit and rubbing my nub. "You sure?"
"Yes, now."
He slides his dick to my entrance, allowing the head to enter before pausing and dragging out my torture. I wrap my arms around him, pulling his body closer to mine and I gently bite his neck to signal that I'm ready. "You don't want to play our game anymore?" he asks, his warm breath causing the skin on my neck to tingle and get goosebumps.
"No game, make love to me."
"Or make love with you."

"Either one will be satisfying." He slowly thrusts himself deeper and deeper into me center, kissing and biting my neck all the while. My legs hitch around his waist tighter, pulling my body closer to his as he sinks his weight into me, practically melting into one another. His hands fly to my hips, gripping them and pinning me in place as he quickens his pace, pushing up to his knees to hit my g-spot. I want to scream from the pleasure and feeling the upcoming wave of euphoric release, knowing he's going to make me want to kill him. If I get close before he does, he WILL stop long enough for my climax to die down just enough to hold it back before beginning to thrust his hips again. When he does this, it drives me up a wall and is completely worth it due to the euphoric multiplying tenfold, it's enough to make my body weak and shake from the strength behind how hard I cum. It's enough force to make every muscle in my body to clench so tight that it's like a vice set to death grip. He reaches for my hand as he sits back and I sit on top, rolling, dipping and grinding my hips against his as he leans back on the wall. My hands go straight for the wall above his shoulders on either side of his neck, my mouth and teeth kissing, sucking and biting at his neck. His voices his approval through grunts, groans, growls and hisses in my ear. "Anois?"
"Yes."
I roll, dip and grind my hips a few more times before he flips me onto my back again, molding our bodies together again as he rapidly brings us both to our euphoric releases. My hands fly around him, one scratching down his back and barely touching to glide over his back up to the top again along his spine, while the other delves into his hair as my nails scratch his scalp lightly. "Oh, fuck, yeeeeesssssssss!" he groans as his release as mine quickly follows suit.
"Taim ag teacht..." I announce as it hits me like the ocean's undertow, pulling me violently into my wave of euphoric release. "Unnnnnnhhhhhhhhhhhhh, aaaaaahhhhhhh, yyyyyyyeeeeeeessssss!" 

The muscles inside my core tighten to death grip vice, causing JC to hold me closer and pushing in deeper as he fills me with his love juice and mine. He thrusts a few more times to finish my climax, causing my center to drain him of all cum. We lay there, soaked and slick with sweat, just holding each other and he doesn't move to withdraw himself from inside my body. I don't have the strength to unlock my legs from his waist. After a few minutes, he reaches back to pull my legs down and kisses me. He helps me get off the bed so he can pull the flooded comforter off the bed and replace it with a clean one, climbing in the bed with me. He lays back, allowing me to cuddle to him-my leg entangles with his, my head on his shoulder on the edge of his chest, my left hand in his hair, his right arm around my body to place his hand in my hair to scratch my head, his left hand and my right intertwined  at our fingers-and we drift of to sleep from exhaustion and with smiles gracing our facial features, sighing our contentment.

I wake up the next morning around 4:30 and the kids are still asleep. So we didn't get to sleep until almost midnight, but I slept great. Today is the day of judgement, the rest of the Chasez clan meets me. I head to the kitchen and turn my iPod on to listen to as I cook.

My cell phone screams at me, telling me it's Nick calling. "Hey, Icky."
"You're up massively early."
I look in the fridge and cabinets, spotting what I want to make for breakfast. I took JC's favorite pj pants and a shirt of mine and I have to say that I think he's going to have to battle me for his pj pants. "Yeah, I have three kids."
"Sam, I know they're not up yet."
"It's almost two out there, what are you doing up?"
"I'm in Florida with my family."
"Mom or dad?"
"My dad. It's been awhile and I missed my brothers and sisters."
"Keep January in mind." I look for and find a spatula and pan. I cook bacon, eggs and pancakes while I talk to Nick.
"I know. Where's your man?"
"Mr. Producer Chasez?"
He chuckles. "Yes, him."
"Asleep. Kids are too. His brother-"
"Damn, you bake, cook, handle three kids like it's as easy as breathing and Josh never has a complaint."
"Thank you, 'Ler. His brother is awake and slept great, evident by his serious bed head."

Nick guffaws. "I'm thinking about coming up to see you for the weekend and fly back to LA with you guys."
"When do you want to fly up?"
"Tomorrow clear?"
"As far as I know."
"Probably tomorrow night then."
"Um, 'Ler, is there an extra room my cousin can borrow?"
"I have one more open bed room and the couch."
"Is 'Ren with you?"
"Yes."
"Bed room. I'll set that up tonight."
"I can do it now," Tyler tells me, heading upstairs to set up the bedroom. I love Josh's family.
"I have to fly into the airport in Baltimore."
"I can pick you up. I'm sure Josh will set the GPS for me. I might bring Lil Man."
"I miss him," Nick admits.
"We miss you too."
"I miss you and the kids more than I miss JC."
I giggle. "I figured that much."
"I'm going to talk to you later, Lauren's awake. I'll text you the flight time later on."
"Alright, thanks. I love you, Icky-boo."
"I love you too, baby boo."

We hang up. "Icky-boo? Are you cheating on Josh?"
By now it's almost 6 and I'm almost done making breakfast for all of us. Josh comes out of nowhere and smiles at me. "What was the nickname?"
"Icky-boo."
"That's her nickname for her cousin Nick," Josh informs him, grabbing a cup of fresh coffee. "Can I kiss my cook?"
"Yes," I answer smiling. We share a quick kiss and I hear three pairs of little feet coming down the stairs, signaling the kids were up.
"Mommy, you're making 'anilla pancakes?" Demitryus asks hopefully.
"Yes, I'm making vanilla pancakes, Lil Man. Josh, Nick is flying up with 'Ren tomorrow, sometime after noon, is that ok?"
"He's your cousin, it's fine. The weekend is for family. You alright with her cousin staying here?"
"I suppose. The bedroom is already set."
"Thanks. Oh, you've met her cousin before."
"Who is he?"
"You'll find out when he gets here," Josh says, waving it away.
"I plan on taking Lil Man and swooping them from the airport."
"I can set the GPS for you."
I lean over to my right to kiss the corner of his mouth. "Thank you. Could you please help me serve the kids?"
"Of course, mama."

We serve the kids and make sure they're all settled in at the table before making our plates and Tyler's, taking our seats at the island counter. The kids are at the table and quietly talking about how they're going to greet Nick and Lauren. "I'm so thankful for you, Josh."
"I'm thankful for you too, beautiful mystery."
"I appreciate you in ways I haven't appreciated anyone in 13 years."
"I appreciate you more than I thought I would ever be able to appreciate a woman."
"Josh, I can't explain how much I love and appreciate you. You've done everything you could to help us in the past 8 months and I don't know where we'd be without you right now."

He smiles and kisses me. "You amaze me everyday. You are a great mom of 3 intelligent kids, make time for me, make time for our relationship, cook, clean, and take my business calls when they call the house. My family loves you, today will prove it."
Tyler smiles. "Just need Aunt Alice to like her and she's as good as married to you."
"It's too soon for me to think about that."
"Sorry. I just meant if he were to ask you, the whole family would back him. All that needs to be done is Aunt Alice to like you."
"Then, I guess a skirt is in order?"
"No!" the two men shout, causing the kids to look at them.
"You're doing good, guys." 
Aaliyah puts her hand on her hip and I try not to laugh. "And lady," Tyler corrects Josh to appease her.
Josh looks at my iPod, hearing a song playing. "A woman is a mystery, a man just can't understand... Touch of your hand. Must be doing something right, I just heard you sigh, lean into my kiss, and close those deep blue need you eyes, don't know what I did to earn a love like this, but baby I must be doing something right..."
"Yes, you must be doing something right. You love me and the kids unconditionally and are there when we need you to be. Thank you for reteaching me what love is and how it's supposed to be," I reply with a smile on my lips.
"You're welcome."

"When you told me 'screw you', she said something in another language to make you look surprised."
"What about it, Ty?"
"What did she say?"
"He said 'screw you' and I said 'later' in Gaelic."
"That's bad when you can make sexual innuendoes and none of us know."
"We know what Ma said," Mikal corrects Tyler.
He points at the kids. "Now that is just disturbing."
"We don't know what Ma and Josh meant about it."
"That's good to know."
"Bubbie, ith," I remind him, motioning to the table.
"Yes, momma," he says, turning around.
"Tyler, there's a reason I teach them Gaelic."
"What's that?" he questions, eating his last bite of food.
"So I can have a semi private conversation with them and only those who take the time to learn and understand the language will know what we're saying."
"You plan on teaching us?"
"Only if you want to learn it."
"Do mam dúirt a ithe," Josh says, nodding toward the kids. "I know I took the time to learn some things to make it easier. There are times when they won't listen when you tell them something in English, that's when I saw that they listen when it's in Gaelic."
Tyler looks between us. "You have him talking in that crap."
"It's Gaelic. More often than not, it's called Irish."

Aaliyah attempts to sneak away from the table without putting her dishes in the sink and Josh catches her. "Aaliyah Leilani, lean ár ghnáthamh," he reminds her, pointing to the sink. She nods and complies. "Come here, baby girl." He puts her in his lap and looks at her face. "Our house rules and routine is the same everywhere we go. The house rules change a little bit, like laundry is put in the corner of the suitcase mommy said instead of in the washer or hamper."
"Tuigim, Josh," she says nodding her head and hugging him. "Graim thu."
"Love you too," he tells her, placing her on the floor. "Shower, anois," he enforces, motioning to the bathroom.
"How much do you know in Irish?"
"I'm still learning it."
"What about my brother?" he inquires, aiming a thumb in Josh's direction.
"He only knows a fraction of words and phrases that I know in Irish. It's the more common ones."
"I understand more than I can say. I understand most of what she says. 'Tar anseo' means come here, for example."
"So if I said that to one of the kids, they'd listen better compared to saying it in English?"
"Yes."

Demitryus tries to creep away from the table. "Ná tús. Níl tú a slick, ghnáthamh," I tell him, pointing at his plate and the sink in succession. "Anois," I reinforce.
"Lil Man, be good."
"Tuigim."
"Tar anseo," Josh tells him, motioning for him to come to him. He easily lifts him onto his lap. "We have a routine to help you understand what's going to happen next."
"Tuigim."
"What happens when Aaliyah gets out of her shower?"
"I take mine."
"Right. That's why we have a routine and we follow it, to make things easier for you and somewhat predictable. Me and mommy have our time alone and work when you're in school or asleep."
"You stay up late?"
"Sometimes. When we get home Sunday, we have enough time to have an early dinner, go to the park and get you to bed."
"What time we leave here?"
"We get on the 12:45 flight home and the trip is about 5 1/2 hours. We land in LA around 3:15, LA is three hours behind Maryland. We can stop at Hard Rock for dinner, go to the park and go home around six. You know what happens when we get home, right?"
"Get ready for bed acuz Monday comes after Sunday and we have school."
"That's right."
Demitryus looks at Tyler. "We're smart, just sometimes we don't show it."
"I see that and it scares me how smart you can be."
Josh high fives Demitryus and puts him down as Mikal puts his dishes in the sink. "Thanks, Bubbie. I think you earned 15 extra minutes. Bank it or use it?"
"Use it to play a game with Tyler, if he wants to."
"What game, kid?"
"Mario or Sonic, please."
"I have a Gamecube somewhere."
"It's hooked up in the room Josh and I are in."
"I can hook it up in the living room later."
"I got it. Before we go to the get together or just before bed, Mikal?"
"Just before bed please." 
I side hug him. "You got it."
"Momma, can you put my hair up?"
"What word is missing?"
"Please put up my hair," Aaliyah asks, handing me her hairbrush and bag of barrettes, clips and elastics.
"I'll be in the living room in a minute. Suigh síos," I tell her as I get up to put my plate in the sink and start the dishes. 
"I got them, beautiful mystery."

"You sure, Josh?"
"You made breakfast, I get the dishes."
"Alright, thanks." I go to walk past him and he puts his arm out to reach across my stomach, pulling me in for a kiss.
"Thank you for making breakfast. It was delicious. I loved it."
I smile. "Welcome."
"You guys should move in so I eat better," Tyler jokes.
I raise an eyebrow and widen my eyes. "Siblings are only tolerable for short periods of time," I inform Tyler. 
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I'll be screaming one of the few phrases I know in Japanese pretty often-watashi wa anata o korosu tsumorida, orokana hito, awanata wa orokana hito, jigoku ni ochiru or chikushō."
Josh's face scrunches up in confusion. I tell him what it means by whispering in his ear. "You curse like a sailor in every language except Irish and English," he says shaking his head. "Damn it, fucker, go to hell, and I'm going to kill you aren't very nice."
"Which one is worse?"
"I'm going to guess the korosu one, she punched Justin in the face five minutes after calling her a two-faced bitch."
"When was that?"
"Last month, she still had the cast on."
"Orokana hito, we agreed not to talk about it."
"Mystery álainn, stop sé. It happened once and since then, he's been better about what he says to you. I love you," he defends himself, kissing me after. Our minute disagreement is over.
I put up Aaliyah's hair. "Álainn, baby girl."
"Thanks, mommy."
"Go show Josh and Tyler."
"Josh! Tyler!"
"Álainn!" Josh tells her. "Just like mommy."
She beams and looks at Tyler. "Very pretty."
"Thank you," she chirps and turns on her heels to come back to me for a hug. "Can I watch Princess Tiana?"
"Yes, I can put Princess & The Frog in for you. Make sure Tyler says it's ok because it's his house."
She walks up to him. "Tyler, can mommy put in a princess movie for me, please?" Josh smiles at her, giving silent praise with a nod.
"Yes, go sit on the couch and she can."
"Thank you!" she shouts, giving him a big embrace.

She runs to the couch and sits down, patiently waiting for the movie to be set up. Josh gets up to check on Demitryus, making sure to put his dishes in the sink. We clean the kitchen and prep lunch, Tyler watches us in curiosity. "Since when have you been so domesticated?"
"What's the phrase you tell Justin all the time?" Josh asks me.
"Teigh trasna ort fein?"
"Teigh trasna ort fein, Tyler."
"What?"
"I'll tell you later, orokana hito."
"You know that you're beginning to get on my last nerve with the foreign language shit," Tyler informs me.
"Sorry, I'll teach you what I know if you want to learn it."
"Start with the easy stuff in the language you use more."
"Irish?"
"Yeah."
I start teaching him some of what I know and he is slower than Josh was on the uptake. "Tuigim means I understand."
"Tui-jim."
"Tuigim."
"Tuichim."
"Say it slower if you have to. Tuigim, tui-gim."
"Tuigim."
"There you go. Ná tús is don't start."
"Ná ta-oos."
"Now, say it faster."
"Ná tús."
"Suigh suís is sit down." Tyler is starting to pick up speed with the simple words and phrases. I cook lunch (three pizzas) and we continue to teach Tyler various basic Irish through to 3:30, when we leave for the veteran hall. Josh and Tyler are helping each other improve their Irish.
"What in the world are my boys saying?"
"They're helping each other improve their Irish."
"Why would they be speaking in that?"
"I'm Irish and the kids listen better when they have it directed at them. They understand more than-Demitryus, stop sé, anois!-than they speak."
"What did you tell him?"
"Stop sé is stop it. Anois is now. I pretty much to stop it now."
"Graim thu, mystery álainn."
"I love you too," I tell Josh, turning to face him as his arms wrap around my waist. We share a quick kiss.
"Demitryus Colin! Ná déan teagmháil sin! Tar anseo anois!" He comes over and I look at him.
Josh is confused. "What is he getting into?"
"The cake over there."
He squats down and talks to him, pointing to a bunch of other kids about his age. "Thuiscint?" he asks Demitryus, nodding to show emphasis.
"Tuigim," he replies with a matching nod, turning to run off into the group of kids Josh pointed out.
"What'd you tell him?"
"That the kids in that group are the kids that were at my grandma and sister's house, he should play with them and stay away from the food for right now," he informs me, wrapping his arms around me again.

I put my head on his chest and relax. "Who else will be here?"
"Kace might be coming with his daughter and wife. His daughter is only a couple weeks old."
"Wow, childhood friend?"
"Yes, I've known him since I was real young."
"You're still young at heart."
"You're so good to me," he tells me, kissing my head. He jumps, spins me so my back is to his front and whips us around to face a man with dark brown hair, light brown eyes, he's about Josh's height and a bit heavier. The woman is holding an infant, a girl. The woman has black hair, honey-hazel eyes, and about 5 foot 7. The man has a pink car seat beside him. 
"Josh!"
"Kace, how are you doing? Is this Hanna? Lucianna, you look great and how has it been taking care of my goddaughter and the kid?"
They laugh. "We've been good. This is little Hanna, yes. It's been good, Kace has been a great help," Lucianna answers.
Josh nods. "Kace, Lucianna, this is my girlfriend, Sam."
Kace eyes me and Lucianna hugs me real quick, smiling. "Really? She's your new one?"
"I'm not leaving him for anyone, sorry," I say with a rueful smile playing on my lips.
"Didn't you say she had kids?"

"They're here somewhere." He spots Demitryus in the pack of kids, Mikal talking to Roy, and Aaliyah talking to Karen. Roy walks by and Josh stops his dad and Mikal. "Dad, could you please round up Aaliyah and Demitryus?"
"Sure, give me about ten minutes?"
Josh points them out and the two of them get the other two. "How's the family, man?"
"Ma's good, dad's still working, and everyone else is doing good."
"Good," Demitryus reaches for Josh, who takes him from his dad. Aaliyah hides behind Josh's legs and Mikal stands between Josh and I. "This big guy is Mikal, the little girl peeking around my legs is Aaliyah, and the little guy here," he introduces them, "is Demitryus. These are Sam's kids."
"They're adorable!" Lucianna squeaks.
"They look alot like their mom, the oldest probably looks like his dad. Are they yours, man?"
"No, hers from a previous relationship."
"Oh, ok. Just wanted to be sure."
I smile. "It's better to ask and have the right information," I respond, a gentle smile coming across my features.
"True. How much younger are you than Josh?"
"About 9 1/2 years difference."
"Josh, you cradle robber!"
"She is just as guilty."
"How do you make up for the age gap?"
"Intelligence."
"How much intelligence?"
"Enough to make me realize how little I know about specific things."
"Like what?"
"Speaking in Irish."
"She speaks another language?"
"Bits and pieces of a few, she's teaching herself, the kids and me. She's taught herself quite a few things in Irish. She speaks some French, Irish, Spanish, and Japanese. She speaks mainly English and Irish. Curses in French and Japanese."
"Right."
I start talking with the kids in Irish and they answer in English. "An bhfuil ocras ort?"
"Yes."
"Cad ba mhaith leat a ithe?" I ask them, pointing to the food on the table.
"No junk yet," Josh enforces. 

They tell me what they want and we grab their plates and sit them at a nearby table. "You understand what she just said?"
"Yes, ithe is eat. I'm pretty sure she asked if they were hungry and what they wanted." He pulls me toward his body and holds me. "I'm learning it a little at a time. She's teaching me and Tyler."
"Heather too. They all learn it quickly once they get in a groove."
"All three Chasez kids are learning Irish?"

"Yes, Josh has a head start." I look around and see Justin. "Justin's here, baby."
Josh spots him and waves him over. "What're you doing here, J?"
"I can't see your family?"
"Sure you can."
"Plus, I'm here for moral support for her," he tells Josh, dropping an arm around my shoulders. 
Demitryus shoves Justin's arm off me. "Mommy isn't your girlfriend, hands off."
"Protective, huh?"
"Yes, she's my mommy. 'Iyah, tell im."
"Stop sé," I tell Mr. Instigator.
"He's my friend, you guys know Justin."
"D-man, it's me Timbs," Justin says, pulling his hat and shades off.
It clicks with Demitryus and he reaches for him. "Missed you," he tells Justin, hugging him by the neck.
"Missed you too," he tells him, hugging him back. "I missed my racing buddy and princess too," he says, squatting down to hug them as well.
"I love your family so much." Josh smiles and hugs me closer, placing a gentle kiss to my temple. "Timbs, thanks for coming for moral support."
He looks up at me from the floor, hugging my kids. "Anytime. Just ask and I'll try my best to be there. I don't want you two to lose each other." Demitryus pushes into him and Justin falls over. "You cheated." The kids laugh.
"Aren't you spending time with your family in Tennesse?"
"I've been home for the past two weeks and I missed these three."
I look at Josh. "Is that why our phones have a call log saying we called you?"
"Yes, they called from your phones."
"You little sneaks." The kids smile at us and I just shake my head.
"They kept telling me that they missed me and I heard you freaking out about today last night."
"Thanks for coming."
"It's what friends do."
"My Aunt Alice is coming over here. Come on, please get up," Josh says, a little nervous. I look at my cell for the time, 6:15. 
Justin helps the kids get up and brush off. "I'll be back over in a few minutes."
"Where are you going?" Mikal asks.
"Bath room," he answers, rubbing the boys' heads.

I pick up Demitryus and Josh picks up Aaliyah and Mikal. "They're adorable, Joshua."
"Thank you, Aunt Alice. This is Mikal, Aaliyah," he tells her, putting the appropriate child closer to her, "Demitryus, and their mom, Sam," he says nodding his head at me.
"Hi, miss Alice," I greet with a small smile. "It's nice to meet you." 
"I like you, Sam. It's nice to meet you as well."
"Manners, guys."
"Nice to meet you, miss Alice," they chorus.
We put them down and whisper for them to go play with Josh's cousins. "Those cheesecakes are delicious, dear."
"Thank you."
"You're a very sweet girl and I hear you've had a rough patch in the past 8 months and Joshua helped you out. How did he help?"
"Moral and emotional support. He's there every time I need someone to talk to, someone to give me a pep talk, someone to console me, someone to encourage me, someone to be a friend and someone to help care for the kids occasionally."
"How did he help with the kids?"
"Taking them out and spending time with them so I could get a break. His friends from when they were in the group together take them sometimes as well. My cousins and their friends take them too."
"You are a smart girl. I remember Chris, Joey, James and Justin. You have a strong support system."
"Yes, we do and I appreciate every one of them. I appreciate Josh the most."
"Karen tells me you've been seeing each other for a couple months."
"Yes, we've been together since September."
"What is your relationship based on?"
"Honesty, talking and time together."
"You don't expect him to pay for anything for you?"
"No, miss. I work and if I want it, I save to buy it myself."
"Aunt Alice, enough with the third degree, please."
"I have to know her better than this."
"Josh, it's ok. She has questions and she deserves the answers. She's concerned is all," I try to comfort him.
"I really do like her. You lose her and I'll know you're meant to be alone for the rest of your life."

I watch as his jaw drops at her comment, making me giggle. I push his mouth closed. "Josh, relax. Aunts, uncles and parents are supposed to say things like that."
"It's n-n-not that," he tells me as she walks away.
"What is it then?"
"She's never said that before about any girl I brought home to meet my family. I don't know how you have the entire family behind us, but thank you."
"You're welcome." We walk around and he introduces me to everyone. Justin occupies all the kids and I video it, posting it to my FB and twitter. Kace finds us and says they have to head out, but to feel free to stop by his place. 
Tyler and Justin carry my younger two over to us. "I think it's time to head back," Justin reasons, handing Demitryus to me.
"I guess so. What time is it?"
"About 9:30."
"It's past their bedtime. We should have left about an hour ago."
"Mom!" Karen looks at us and signals for us to wait. "Let me set something up for the park with mom and we can go back to Ty's."
Justin looks at Tyler and smiles. "Can I crash on your couch till Sunday?"
"Sure, her cousin has the last spare room already. His girlfriend is coming. Nick is his name, I think."
Justin tries as hard as he can not to laugh. "I'm good friends with him and so isn't your brother."
Josh talks to Karen and we head back to Tyler's to put the kids to bed before heading to bed ourselves, making love in a bit more hurried pace than the night before and sharing multiple passionate kisses while we focus on the emotional end of it.