I remember when I first left this place.  Seventeen, a hundred bucks in my pocket with only the clothes on my back, I bought a bus ticket to New York City and never looked back because that was the way I wanted my life to be.  I lived in that dingy motel for three years and waited tables before I was finally accepted into the NASDAQ office as a part time broker.  It was grueling.  Sometimes I would work twenty hours a day before I could go home and get some rest, but still, I held my head high and told himself it was all for the best.  That it would all work out, that my future would be secure.  So I put up with it for another year, sharing a tiny apartment with my best friend and business partner, until one day an opportunity came along for us to work at an investment firm in the heart of Wall Street.

It seemed like a whirlwind from then on.  First I was the top broker in the firm, then partner, and then...when the CEO retired I was voted in.  Voted in at twenty two years old as the CEO of Goldman Sachs, the most prominent investment firm in New York City, making me the youngest in the company’s history.  I made millions that first year, then the next year my salary tripled, and tripled again, and again.  They called me a genius, a “brilliant young mind”.  Who knew?

Now, I’m on the covers of fortune 500 magazines, being called ‘the richest bachelor in New York City.’  A billionaire at twenty-four, that’s what I am now.

I’ve come a hell of a long way since Tennessee.

I can’t really blame myelf for forgetting all about what I left behind.

“Sir.”

I nod as the chauffeur opens the door for me, and I slip inside the sleek black limousine, thankful to get out of the blazing heat.  It’s summer in Memphis, something that seemed to turn back the hands of time for me the moment I set foot off the leer jet that brought me back here.  As a kid, I used to run through sprinklers and swim in the neighbors pool with the rest of the kids on the block.  It was a carefree time.  I didn’t have to worry about phone calls, meetings, or agendas then.  It was a simpler time and place.  There was no hustle and bustle here.  But I left as soon as I could, because I knew there was nothing for me in a small town.  I forgot about my parents, didn’t bother calling anymore after that first year.  I was never especially close with them, and with a couple of kids still left to raise, I figured they’d be fine without me.

I just never counted on this.  

The phone call floored me.  It had come during a Monday morning board meeting and I can’t deny that I was angry at first for being interrupted by my secretary.  It’s a rule of mine that are to be no interruptions allowed during my Monday run through, and I probably would have fired her on the spot if it hadn’t been for her explanation.

“Sir...she says she’s family.  There’s been some kind of accident?”

She said it with so many questions in her voice, and I was sure until that moment my secretary probably didn’t have a clue that I even had a family.  It’s no secret that I’m a workaholic, and I’ve been much too focused on the welfare of the firm, and making a profit to remember my family back home.

“Thanks Cheryl.”  I took the phone from her gently, and she walked away to give me some privacy.

“Justin, it’s Grammy Ethel.” Came a soft voice, filled with sorrow.  “It took me forever to get a hold of you.  Did you know that your parents didn’t have your number?  I found that unbelievable since you’ve been on the cover of all those magazines.”

I rolled my eyes.  “Can you just tell me what the problem is?  There’s been an accident?”

“Well...” Her voice trailed off and I could have sworn I heard her sobbing.  “There was a car accident.  Your parents...they didn’t make it.”

I nearly dropped the phone. The numbness hit me in the chest and traveled right down to the tips of my toes, causing me to lean against the wall and slide down to the floor.  “W-what?”

“We need you to come home,” she continued after several moments of silence.  “Just for a few days to sort things out.”

I couldn’t comprehend it.  My parents were dead.  My parents who I hadn’t spoken to in over seven years.  I didn’t know whether I should be sad, or angry with myself.  For the first time since I became so successful, I never felt like more of an asshole.  “I’ll be on the first flight out.”  I said softly, and hadn’t given her a chance to say anything else to me before I hung up.

The reflection of the tall oak trees glints against the tinted windows.  I can feel it.  Home is close, closer than I want.  I nearly tell the driver to stop, to turn around, to take me back to the city and the things that make sense in my life.  Only one thing is stopping me. Well...two things.  Two little things that I know I have to take care of, or nobody else will.  It’s going to be awkward of course.  They hardly know me.  I left when they were just little kids, but I know they’ll take to me right away.  Who wouldn’t? I’m Justin Timberlake, and nobody ever turns their backs on me.

I have too much to offer.

“Is it this one sir?”  The driver’s voice pulls me from my thoughts again.

I sit up a little, and glance out the window.  I remember it.  All of it, because its never changed in all the years I’ve been away.  It’s my block.  I can envision myself as a small child running along the block with a drippy ice cream cone.  I nearly smile.

Nearly.

“Sir?”

“Yeah,” I finally say.  “Yeah this one here.  The brown one.”

The car halts on my command, and I sit here, just staring out the window.  There are a bunch of old folks seated on the rocking chairs that litter the wrap around porch.  Those are the same too.  I remember sitting there on my mother’s lap when I was five years old, singing some stupid song.  What had she ever done that was so wrong?  Why didn’t I call?  Why did I feel so above her...above dad?  How could I consider them hicks when they were the ones that had raised me?

I push the thoughts away and get out of the limousine.

The people on the porch are staring at me in my thousand dollar suit, and I know it.  It’s uncommon.  These people have about three good suits or dresses to themselves, and they only buy new ones probably every ten years.  I wave a little, and force a small smile as I slip my sunglasses over my eyes.  “How y’all doing?”

They just stare at me.  I know, I’m an imbecile in their eyes.  An outcast who had only come back because he was forced to.

But I’ll hold my head high because I’m a survivor.

With all the dignity I can muster, I walk up the old, cracked, cement steps, past the onlookers, and through the open screen door.  The interior of the old house is just as I remember it too.  Hell, it even smells the same, and I begin to feel queasy.  My mother’s scent...that’s what it is.  Flowers...lavender...that’s it.  She loved lavender flowers.  My father would pick them from the side of the road on his way home from the factory, since he had to walk home most of the time.  She loved them.  I remember picking the petals off some of the flowers with her and putting them in a special solution so they would be able to soak.  Then she would spritz some of the homemade perfume on herself days later, after it had sat in the sun.  

There was no money for store bought delicacies like that.  My mother had always been innovative.

That’s where I got it from, I’m sure.

“Oh, Justin, hello.”

I whirl around at the sound of the soft, feminine voice, and push my sunglasses onto the top of my head.  The woman who stands there could pass for my own mother, if she were a little skinnier. I know her right away, though.  It’s my Aunt Kimberly, my mother’s sister, and I force a polite, professional smile.  “Hello.” I go over and kiss her cheek.  “It’s been a long time.”

She just nods.  “I know.  Would you like something? Sweet tea? Lemonade?”

“Um, water is fine.”

She manages a tight smile and leads me into my parent’s kitchen, motioning for me to sit down at the table, as she withdraws a pitcher from the refrigerator.  I wring my hands together as I wait for her to join me.  It’s so awkward.  She’s not giving me details, and that’s all I want from her, so I can get the next flight back to New York.

“Here you go.”  She pours the water and slides the glass over to me before sitting down at the table as well.  “So, I’ve been hearing amazing things about you, Justin.  You certainly made a name for yourself out in that city.”

I nod as I drink my water.  “It’s just business,” I whisper.  

I don’t want to talk about my money right now.

“I know...I know this must have been a shock,” Kimberly says, finally getting to the point.  “We just...wanted to contact you as soon as possible.”

“I appreciate it,” I nod.  “Just tell me what I need to do.”

“Well there’s the matter of your parents house and assets.  They didn’t have much, but what they did have, they left to the boys.  I’m sure you have a good lawyer to sort out the will, right?”

I feel like laughing, but don’t.  “Yeah, of course.  I can call him today.  He might be able to fly out if you need him to.”

She nods and presses her lips together.  “Then there’s the funeral.  The family can barely afford anything proper...”

“I’ll take care of it,” I whisper, waving a hand in the air.  “Is there some kind of funeral coordinator?” I lower my sunglasses over my eyes again, because I can feel a slight twinge of emotion inside of me, threatening to expose itself, and I don’t want her to see.

“Well we have the local priest coming.  There’s a very nice funeral home in town as well.  We picked out two very reasonable caskets.  We’ve had the wake already, since you said you had that meeting and couldn’t come until today, but the gentleman at the home said he can take you anytime tomorrow for a...viewing, if you’d like to do that before the funeral...”

She trails off because my cell phone has started to ring.  I sigh.  “Sorry, I told them no calls...” I pull the thing out of my pocket and look at the ID to find that my business partner is on the line.  I quickly flash my aunt a charming smile.  “Hang on, I have to take this.”

She frowns.

“Hey man,” I say gently, as I make my way into the sitting room.  “I’m right in the middle here.”

“There’s a huge stock opportunity about to break with Energizer Batteries,” Trace Ayala, my best friend and business partner, tells me enthusiastically.  “I know you said no calls, but I figured you’d want to jump on this.”

“Yeah, whatever, just do it.  I know you’re not an idiot,” I huff.  “Seriously man, just handle shit for me until I get back.  It’ll only be three, four days, tops.”

“How’s hick town?” Trace snickers.  “See any tumbleweeds yet?”

I squeeze my eyes shut in an effort to keep my temper at bay.  The guy is my best friend, but right now, I’m not in the mood for Trace’s sarcasm.  “It’s Memphis, not the old West.”

I hear a loud bang behind me, and it causes me to whirl around. I’m able to catch a glimpse of a small boy disappearing behind the sofa, and I know I’ve been spied on since I walked in the house.

“Justin, you there?”

“Hmm...yeah, sorry.” I suck in a large breath.  “Did you have Cheryl send those flowers out here for me?”

“First thing this morning,” Trace reassures me.

“Thanks.  Hey, listen, I’ll call you later okay?”

“Cool.  Best of luck, man.  I know it’s shitty...your folks dying like this.”

“Yeah,” I say glumly.  “I’ll talk to you.”

I hang up, and immediately walk toward the sofa.  “Hey...you gonna come out of there?”

Silence.  

“I promise I won’t bite,” I laugh lightly.

“He doesn’t know who you are.”

I look up, and recognize the kid immediately.  He’s grown so much since I last saw him.  How old is Austin now? Twelve? Thirteen?  I’ve forgotten.  It’s been too long.  “Hey, Austin.”

“Davey!” Austin yells in annoyance, making sure to ignore my greeting.  “Come on, get out of there.”

“No.”

“It’s fine,” I reassure him, when Austin seems to grow even more annoyed.  “He’ll come out eventually.”

“How the hell would you know?”

Damn.  This kid is angry, and I know he’s taking it out on me. Not that I didn’t expect it. I took it upon myself to read a short book about child psychology on the flight, hoping it would help me understand my brothers’ anguish a little bit better.  One thing I hate is being unprepared for the major events in my life.  “Why don’t you sit down here, and we’ll have a talk?”

“I don’t want to talk to you.” He spits out.  “You haven’t even been around! Why’d they call you?  You could have stayed back in your precious city.”

There’s a time that I can remember, just before I moved away, that Austin and I shared a little bit of a bond.  I still remember going out in the backyard when he was about five years old, and kicking the soccer ball around with him.  What happened? Why didn’t I think of him when I left?  I don’t have an answer, but I know Austin has a right to be angry with me.  “Look, this isn’t easy for me,” I whisper.  “But I’m trying.”

“I just want you to leave!” He shouts.  “Aunt Kim says you’re gonna sell the house and we’re gonna have to move to New York City! I don’t want to go to New York City!” The tears spill out of his eyes and down his small face as he shouts the words, and then he’s sobbing right there in the middle of the room.

I’m literally paralyzed.  It’s the one thing I didn’t count on today...the first day.  During the funeral? Sure, I was prepared to see my brothers cry and I was prepared to comfort them then.  But not today.  Today was supposed to be about business.

So I do the only logical thing. I walk back into the kitchen.

“Is that Austin?” Kim says immediately, as I take my seat back at the table.  “Is he crying?”

“Yeah,” I say, with a frown.  “Let him cry.  He’s a kid, it’s what they do.”r32;

“Mr. Timberlake,” she says harshly.  “I don’t think you understand the effect this is having on the boys.”

It’s weird to hear her call me that because we’re family, but then again, I haven’t seen the woman in years and even when I lived in Memphis originally, we hardly saw each other.  My mother hadn’t been close with her sister.  “I get it.”  I try not to sound harsh, but it’s difficult.  “Business comes first.  There’ll be time to grieve later.”

She stares at me for a good long time, and I can feel the heavy resentment she’s holding against me, but I won’t retaliate.  That’s very immature, and I’m certainly not immature.  I have to be the leader here, the civilized one.  Otherwise my parents will be buried in a wooden box, on top of each other, with a little stick cross as the gravestone.  I won’t stand for that.  The name Timberlake is now an elite one.  I made sure of it, and nobody will ever make a fool out of it if I have anything to say about it. “How soon can we get the house on the market,” I ask next.  “I need to be back in New York as soon as possible, so I’ll need your help getting a realtor, and preparing the boys for the move.”

“Maybe I should ask somebody else in the family if they want to take the boys,” she says next.  “You don’t seem like you really need the responsibility.”

“They told me that I’m next of kin,” I tell her, bluntly.  “I’m capable.  I have the resources, and they’ll do better with me.  I can get them into the best schools, and show them the world.  They’ll have a future, and I know you understand that if they stay here, they won’t.”

“What about their happiness,” she croaks.  “You can’t raise a child in that city.”

I laugh this time.  “Kim, people do it all the time.  My decision is final.  They’re coming with me.”

“I’d take them,” she tells me, holding her head a little bit higher.  “Maybe you could consider it.”

“I can’t,” I sigh.  “I’m sorry.”

She scrunches her lips together.  “I have a lawyer friend...he said he might be able to help me get custody.”

“Do you really want to play around with that?” I smile at her pathetic attempt keep what’s rightfully mine from me.  “Kim, my lawyer makes eight hundred dollars an hour, and it’s certainly not in his nature to fail.”

Her bottom lip quivers, just slightly.  “I’ll...I’ll call the realtor.”

She gets up and rushes out of the room.  I could swear she was sobbing.

But still, I smile, drunk on the power I seem to hold over the entire world.

By the time I finished getting my stuff together, and baking the cupcakes it was four am.  I passed out right there at the kitchen island, parts of me still covered in frosting and cake mix.  Lucinda was the one to wake me up.  She was laughing as she swiped a piece of frosting off my face, but I couldn’t seem to find the energy to smile back at her.

“Áspero primera noche?” Rough first night?

I had no idea what she meant, but I nodded in response to her question anyway as I miserably staggered to my feet.  Then I was knocking on Austin’s bedroom door, my eyes half open.  “Get up.” I grunted.  “Up.”

He didn’t come to the door, so I pushed my way inside.  “Austin,” I muttered, when he didn’t move out from underneath the covers.  “C’mon, school.”

“Mmmmmm,” he groaned.  “Five more minutes.”

“Now.” My tone became stern.  “I’ve been up baking cupcakes for your class all night.  I’m not in the mood for your games right now.”

“Are they funfetti cupcakes?” He moaned.

It was the first thing that got me to genuinely smile since I was forced to wake up.  “Some are.”

He threw the covers off of him.  “Is Justin taking me to school?”

I huffed.  “No.”

He was silent for a moment as he stared at me.  “You have icing in your hair,” he giggled.

I grabbed up at my hair and wiped at it for a moment.  “I know.  There’s a lot wrong with this situation right now, and I’ll fix it later.  Right now though, I need you to get up.  I swear, after school I’ll do whatever you want.  Maybe we can take Davey to the playground or something.”

“Okay, Abbey.”

It was so weird.  He was being nice, when just the previous night he seemed like he hated my guts.  I didn’t know what to make of it, I only knew that something was finally going right for me since I’d taken on the job as Justin’s...whatever I was.  I could have called myself a nanny, except it looked like I was about to do a lot more than just watch the kids.  It seemed like I was the person appointed to do all the shit that Cheryl wouldn’t do.  It sucked, and I knew it.  The only reason I had stayed, was because Charlene absolutely forbade me to quit.

“Are you serious!” She squealed as I angrily packed my suitcases the night before.  “Justin Timberlake!”

“He’s the most pompous asshole I’ve ever met,” I grunted as I slammed my suitcase closed and sat down on the bed.  “He doesn’t give a shit about anybody but himself.”

“Yeah, but still,” she said, seemingly still in a daze as she sat down beside me.  “He’s like, the most powerful guy in New York.  Seriously, they said he’s been giving Trump a run for his money.  I’m sure if you prove yourself doing this nanny stuff, he’ll definitely give you a marketing job!”

“Doubtful.”  I muttered.  “You should meet this guy, Char.  Really, I’m surprised he even looks at me when he talks to me.”

“Well, he’s a socialite.”

“What the fuck does that have to do with anything?” I scoffed.  “He’s human.  He shits and pisses and farts too.”

She laughed.  “At least they can say his shit is worth a million dollars.”

“Oh God,” I rolled my eyes and pushed myself up from the bed.  “Really, Char? I need you to tell me to not go back, that he’s a jerk and that I can find a better job.”

“Yeah, I could tell you that,” she nodded.  “But I’d be lying.  Seriously, Ab...fifty grand a year to babysit those brothers of his? That’s insane.  You’d be crazy not to take it.”

She was right.  It was the one fact that was keeping me from quitting...money.  I needed money.  “What if I like...slit my wrists or something, or hell, slit his throat?”

“Well, at least we could say you gave it a good, sporting try,” she giggled.  r32;

“You’re so ridiculous,” I scowled.  “I can’t believe you want me to go back to that tyrant.”

“Abbey,” she sighed and got up to join me, gently placing her arm around my shoulders a moment later.  “It’s not just the job.  I mean, I really think this could be good for you.  You’ll get out more.  You’ll be living in a different environment, and be really busy with all those errands he makes you run.  It’ll get your mind off of...the past, you know?”r32;

I pulled away from her, and continued to stare across the room.  “I’m not focused on the past.”

“You suck at lying.”

I knew I did.  There was no getting past her as far as... Braeden went.  She knew I still thought about him every single day.  Woke up wondering what happened to him every single day, and went to bed with that same thought in the back of my mind.  I still loved him, I couldn’t deny that, but at the same time it had been six years.  Six years of him being gone.  He wasn’t coming back.  They’d pronounced him legally dead.  His parents had signed off on the papers, even though I threw a fit...called them and begged his mother to reconsider.

“It’s time we all moved on,” she told me gently.  “Abbey, you know this is for the best.  He would have wanted us all to have closure.”

I cried for days.  Days and days.  I kept the curtains drawn, wouldn’t come out of my room, wouldn’t eat.  Charlene had to force me to snap myself out of it, especially since I lost my job and everything.  I mean, it wasn’t the best job.  Just retail, something to pay the small rent I gave her every month.  I just couldn’t live after that blow.  I was convinced my life was over.  I mean, before that I always clung to the hope that he would find his way home...that somebody would find him and get him out of that hell.  But then it was just like...everybody gave up.  They closed his case soon after the papers were signed.  There was a small memorial service held back in Brighton, which I didn’t attend.  That was it.  Braeden was gone and I was alone.

Strange, there was a time in my life where I thought I would never, ever be alone.

We met in high school.  His family had moved to the states from Toronto, due to his father’s career.  I hated him at first.  He was cocky, a jock, who was immediately accepted into the popular crowd.  I wasn’t one of them.  I had my own set of friends, and we did our own thing.  I wasn’t a nerd, but I wasn’t a prom princess either.  I think maybe...that was what he liked most about me.  Two weeks went by, I saw him around, and it took him that long to get up the guts to talk to me.  He always told me it was the bravest thing he’d ever done, talk to me.  I would always laugh and tell him he was silly, but in reality I was melting inside.

We dated all four years of high school, and when I decided to go to state college, he decided to go into the Reserves so he could pay for law school later.  I thought it was a decent choice.  His parents weren’t made of money, and law school wasn’t cheap, so we all agreed it was the best option for him.  

Things were good those first three years after high school.  He got deployed a couple of times, and yeah, I worried, but my Braeden had always been strong and quick on his feet.  He always came back to me safe, and I always thought of him as immune to the bullets and horrors of the military.

Then, at the beginning of my senior year, September of 2001, the unthinkable happened.

Braeden had been home from a long tour, but when he saw the footage of the World Trade Center attacks on television he told me that he wanted to re enlist immediately.  I was horrified.  I told him he was crazy, that he’d just gotten back and didn’t need to go anywhere.  All he kept saying was that he had to help his “brothers.”

“You can’t go,” I shook my head harshly as I held him close to me.  “The world is falling apart right now.  You’ll...you’ll get sent to Afghanistan.  I know you will.”

“Abbey.”  He took my hands in his and pressed his forehead against mine.  “I know you think it’s dangerous.  I know that.  But...this is something I have to do.  Please, try to understand.”

I couldn’t understand.  I couldn’t understand why he would want to endanger his life when we were so close to finishing up things and getting married.  It was like, the military had brainwashed him into making him think he was a necessity.  I couldn’t change his mind though.  I knew that, clear as day.  “I can’t lose you,” I whimpered as I pressed my face into his chest.  “I can’t.”

“You won’t.”  He reassured me, while rubbing my back.  “Abbey, I promise.  I’m coming back.  We’ll be a family. I just...this is something I need to do, okay?”

So I let him go.  I spent two more weeks with him, said a tearful goodbye to him at the airport.  He kissed me long and hard, and promised me he was going to marry me as soon as he got back.

I never saw him again.  They said he went missing in action two weeks into his tour, while on a mission in the mountains of Afghanistan.  I managed to finish school, somehow.  I really have no idea though, because I was such a mess.  Something inside of me forced me to focus on schoolwork.  I passed every final, graduated with a 3.0 GPA.  A month later I packed my bags and came to live here in New York with Charlene, because she was the only one I could thing of that could possibly understand what I’d been through, since she’d known me even longer than Braeden had.

It’s been six years.  I’ve barely been able to hold down a mediocre job, let alone find one in my field.  I guess it was depression.  It had to be.  If it hadn’t been for his parents signing the papers, I doubt I would have bothered trying to a job at Goldman Sachs.  I’d still be sitting in her apartment, begging for Braeden to magically come back into my life.

But that would also mean I wouldn’t be dealing with Justin Timberlake, asshole extraordinaire, on a daily basis.  

You would think things would have gotten easier after that first day.  After I dropped Austin off at school that morning, I started to think the first day had just been a test to see how I dealt with lots of pressure.  Surely, nobody could expect that much out of somebody every day?

Oh, how wrong I was.

Justin likes to leave lists.  Lists, and lists, and more lists, and he doesn’t care if I have to drag Davey along with me while I complete them either.  I even asked him about that.  I told him it can’t be good for Davey to go to all these different places with me, in which he told me that  ‘his shrink wants him to get out as much as possible.  Errands are good.  They teach him responsibility, at least...they should be, if you’re doing your job right.’

By the way, his shrink happens to be that “tutor” that Justin mentioned the first day.  She’s not so bad, we actually get a long pretty well.  Francine says she likes that I’m spending time with Davey, that he seems a lot less tense now than when she first started meeting with him.  Her theroy is that he needs somebody maternal in his life, and I guess since Justin isn’t exactly parent of the year, I’m the next best solution.  One day I asked her why it is that he didn’t talk.

She became serious.  “I probably shouldn’t tell you that,” she said softly.

“Oh.” I nodded in understanding.  “Well, that’s okay.  Justin probably...”

“When his parents were in that car wreck,” she began softly.  “Davey was in the car.  Justin told me he saw everything.”

I couldn’t speak.  It was just too horrible to think about.  Davey is such a timid kid, and I still can’t imagine the kinds of images that flash through is mind on a daily basis.

The lists have included everything from grocery shopping, to dropping off dry cleaning, and everything in between.  For whatever reason, he really loves having Lucinda stay in the house and clean all day.  He’s real weird about that too...everything being spotless.  He hates dust, and he hates when his things are out of place.  One day Austin had moved something, I don’t remember what it was, but when Justin came home I remember him moving it back exactly into place, an annoyed expression on his face the entire time.  OCD? You betcha.

So, what’s it like to be jolted out of your sleep by your half naked boss at 2am?  Let me just say, it was the last thing I ever expected.  When I first snapped awake, I thought I was dreaming.  There Justin was, standing in my doorway in nothing but his boxers.  I stared.  I stared like a fool because...damn.  Just damn.  If he wasn’t such a dick, and I could have stopped thinking about how much of a bastard he was, I wouldn’t have been able to deny that the man was gorgeous from head to toe.  But he was a dick, a complete dick.  Apparently it was my responsibilty to make sure the kids didn’t catch him in the middle of fucking some hoe in the middle of his living room.  Hell, why couldn’t he have just gone into his bedroom to do that?

I yelled at him, and fully expected him to send me packing the next morning.

But...then Davey talked.

I think the two of us are still in shock.  It’s weird seeing Justin so...happy? I guess that’s what he is.  I mean, he’s treated the boys really well today.  Quincy picked us up and when we got to the zoo, Justin took Davey by the hand and bought both the boys and...get this, me...cotton candy.  Weird.  I was freaked out.  At first I wouldn’t eat it because I thought he might have laced it with something.  It was only when he caved in and bought one for himself, that I began to consume it, realizing I was being ridiculous.

It was good, the first genuine thing he’s done for me in the two weeks I’ve been working for him.

I won’t hold my breath though.  I’m sure by the end of the afternoon his old, shitty personality will have returned.

“You’re doing a good job,” he tells me as we stand and watch some rhinos moving across the terrain.  “I doubted you briefly but...I was wrong.”

I glance at the boys.  Davey is watching the animals intently while Austin has seemed to find more pleasure in sticking his cotton candy to the banister.  I let him.  “I think they laced your cotton candy with something.”

He chuckles as he sucks some of the candy off of his finger.  “Hey, Davey talked.  That’s saying something.”

I shrug.  “I didn’t do much.”

“Yeah but still, you know...I just want to say thanks.”

I look at him, feeling so damn confused.  Is he actually being nice right now?  Is that even fucking possible?  “Can I ask you something?”

He shrugs, and turns back to the view of the rhinos, as he ruffles Davey’s hair.  “I guess so.”

“What’s with you?”

He looks at me, his mouth half open, studying me for a moment as if he has no idea what I’m saying.  “What?”

“I mean you walk around like you’re fucking immortal or something.”  I huff.  “If you acted like you are right now, more often, I think things would get easier for them, you know?”

He just shrugs.  “Contrary to what you may think, I never have free time like this.  Today is the exception.  It’s a special day...today.  I’ve forwarded all my calls so I could have a day out with them, uninterrupted.  Normally, my life is a twenty-four hour business free for all. I barely have time to think, or do anything that’s not related to the firm, and when we get home today, I’ll probably have to hole myself up in my study for four hours and return all the calls I missed.  It’s part of running a successful business. I understand that you don’t get it.  Most people don’t.”

I sigh, and gaze out at the terrain, remembering the fact that he had plenty of free time to fuck that girl in the living room last night.  “They aren’t bad kids, you know?  They deserve to be loved.”

It’s silent for a few moments, and then he whispers.  “I know that.”

“Then why can’t you make more time for them?  Look, I’ll sign Austin up for soccer if you agree to come to his games.  I looked into it.  It’s only once a week on Friday afternoons.  He’ll have practice, but I can go to those without you.  I think that’s a fair deal.”

I stare at him, and he stares back at me like he has no idea why I’m pushing this.  Then, instead of agreeing or disagreeing he simply takes Davey by the hand and says: “C’mon Dave, lets go see more shit...I mean, stuff...”

He brushes past me.

“Justin.” I grunt as he walks away from me.

“He doesn’t care.”

Austin is at my side, ripping the empty cotton candy stick into pieces as we walk along.  I snatch it from him and throw it into a nearby trash can.  “Stop it.”

“Well, it’s true,” he mutters.  “He’s only here because Davey said a few words.  Nothin’s changed.  He’d rather be on the phone or out with his friends.”

He walks on ahead of me, and into the Reptile House behind his two brothers.  Crazy, he’s just a kid and he has Justin all figured out.  He’s smarter than Justin thinks he is.  It’s just...really sad, because he’s still so young.

“Hey Abbey!”

I snap to attention, and see Justin waving me over from the entrance to the Reptile House.  I groan slightly, but still go over.  

“Get the kids to stand still so I can take their picture,” he orders me.  “I need a picture for my desk.”

“Oh? Are you sure you can fit that in next to all your important paperwork?” I gasp.

He scowls.  “Just get them together,” he mutters and adjust the Yankees ball cap that’s been covering his mess of curls.  It’s really interesting to see them without all the gel.  They’re a little bit puffed out, but not too out of control, and...he didn’t shave today either.  He has that small amount of stubble around his jaw line and under his nose.  I remember Braeden used to get that all the time...r32;

Shit.  No.  Not now, Abbey.

“Come on guys,” I say, trying to smile.  “Austin go over there and put your arm around Davey for a picture.”

Austin rolls his eyes.  “I told you the zoo was boring.”

“Austin Michael,” I say, narrowing my eyes as I place my hands on my hips.  “Come on, set a good example for your brother.”

“Ugh.”  He drags himself over to where Davey is standing, and turns him around so he’ll face away from the lizard cage.

“Okay guys,” Justin has me step aside as he pulls his digital camera out.  It’s obviously brand new, because it still has the brand name tag hanging off of it.  He doesn’t seem like the type that would have had a use for it before his brothers came to live with him though.  “Smile.”

Davey grins a mile wide, while Austin flashes the most sarcastic smile I’ve ever seen.  I recognize it.  He has the same one that Justin has, and part of me wonders which of of their parents they inherited it from.  Justin takes the picture, and smirks afterwards as he gazes back at it.  “Perfect.” He decides.  “Abbey, you know how to get all this stuff uploaded and printed right?”

I shrug.  “I guess I could figure it out.”

“Good.  Get a frame for me or something too.  Something nice, crystal maybe.  Waterford.  You can go to Bloomingdales.”  He shoves the camera into my hands as he makes his way over to some guy who has come in to do something with the lizards.  He starts talking to him, and the guy seems hesitant at first, but then Justin pulls out his checkbook, and says: “how much?”

We spend the rest of the morning and an early part of the afternoon on a private tour of the zoo, complete with some animal interaction that I doubt anybody else has gotten to do before.  Davey even gets to sit on a giraffe for a few seconds, and I don’t think the kid has had this good of day since he came here. Austin too, although he’s been trying to act like he isn’t phased in the least.  I’ve caught him in a couple of smiles though, especially when one of the zoo keepers perched a tropical parrot on each of his shoulders.  I took a great picture of that and showed it to Justin.  He laughed and said: “frame that one too.”

“I want to go to Disney.”  Austin says as we pile into the car at the end of our visit.  “Justin, will you take us to Disney?”

“Lord buddy,” Justin chuckles as he fastens Davey’s seatbelt and then his own.  “That’s a big trip.  Maybe next year.”

Or never.

“Liar.  We could go right now.  You have the money,” he scowls and crosses his arms.  “You just don’t want to go.”

“Austin...” I begin.

“You can’t always have what you want,” Justin snaps before I can calmly explain things to him.  “Spoiled little shit.  I just got you a private tour of the zoo.”

“That was for Davey,” he mutters.  “You never do anything for me.”

“I do plenty for you,” he grunts.  

“You won’t come to soccer with me,” he points out.

“My career is more important than watching some stupid soccer game in the park,” he grunts.  “Abbey will go.  That’s why I hired her.  Now just sit there and shut up.”

I see Austin’s eyes tear up, and his nostrils flare before he turns his head away, puts his iPod headphones in, and stares out the window.  Soon, the Escalade begins to move, and I wait until I hear the sounds of Davey drifting off to sleep before I say something.  

“You’re too harsh with him,” I tell Justin, certain Austin can’t hear us with his music playing.

“He needs to grow up.  Disney...I mean, fuck, what does he think? I can’t just put my career on the back burner to wander around an amusement park for a week.”

“He’s a kid.”

“So you fuckin take him,” he mutters.  

“You’re angry, you know that? I can tell.  You take everything out on him, Justin.  Is it about your parents, and what happened?”

He looks at me, a strange, almost angry expression on his face.  “How much do you know? And who told you?”

I suck in a breath.  “Austin told me some, and Davey’s shrink has been talking to me as well.”

“Well that shrink needs to learn to keep her mouth shut,” he grunts.  “I expressly told her that...”

“I spend a lot of time with Davey,” I cut him off.  “I think it’s good that I know some of this backstory.”

He pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.  “Fine.  You know what you know, but I’m not discussing this anymore with you,” he chuckles, irritated.  “Just mind your business and do your damn job, okay?”

He lowers his sunglasses down over his eyes.  I’ve seen him do it from time to time, even in the house, he’ll put them on once in a while and wander away from me.  It’s so weird.  At first I thought it was because he was an ego maniac, but now...I’m not so sure.  

I think his parents’ death has affected him in a major way, and he’s way too closed off about it.    I doubt he’s talked about it with anybody, and in turn, he prevents Austin from talking about it with him.  That makes Austin angry, makes him act out.  

Something has to be done about this.  Quickly, before it all backfires and Austin does something regrettable.

I realize that Justin and I might just have a little bit more in common than I originally thought.  I mean, we’ve both lost somebody close to us.  Maybe I can get him to open up about it, make him understand that it’s important to help Austin through it rather than shut him down about the subject.

What am I saying? I can’t even get the guy to a damn soccer game, but I’m going to get him to spill his deepest feelings out to me?  Negative.  Snap out of it Abbey...

It’s not worth the effort.

“Mr. Timberlake, I’m a patient woman.  I’ve tried time and time again to get Austin to open up, but something is wrong.  I understand about his parents, but he seems to be delving deeper and deeper into himself lately.  He’s cutting everybody off, he barely says hello to me in the mornings anymore, and now he’s lashing out with violence.  Surely, you see the problem we’re having.”

“Of course.”  What I’m really thinking is, how much is it going to take to make this lady leave me the hell alone?  Ah, the overly concerned teacher.  So wonderful that this school puts pride into their hirings.  But shit, I have no fucking time for it.  I’m here to shut Abbey up once and for all, end of story.  

I mean, it’s too late to replace her now. The boys are already too attached and I may be an “asshole” but I know a good thing when I see it, and firing her...I’d never be able to get them over it, and because I have common sense I’ll make sure she never quits.  It’s why I gave her that bonus.  I want her to think that I really like having her work for me.  In reality, if the boys weren’t so attached I wouldn’t make this much of an effort...but they are and I have no time to find somebody else as good and as patient as she is.

I also have no idea who would do half the shit I make her do for me, either.  Even though, being my date for a formal benefit isn’t exactly horrible, if I do say so myself.

I do look very nice in a tuxedo.

“Have you considered seeking therapy for him?”

She’s staring at me seriously, as if I’m not entitled to be raising Austin.  Hell, maybe I’m not.  Maybe I’m the worst guardian in the history of the world, but the kid is still my brother, and I certainly wasn’t going to leave him back in bum fuck Tennessee to be raised by the bunch of hillbillies he used to consider family.  “I don’t think Austin needs therapy,” I state to her bluntly, making sure I look her right in the eyes.  “He’ll get over his issues in a few months.”

“Begging your pardon,” she pauses and swallows a little bit.  “But it is in my educated opinion that he does.”

I scowl at her.  I hate when people tell me I’m wrong.  Trace does it a lot, but I trust his opinion, so he doesn’t really count.  Abbey...she’s starting to do it more and more.  I think I may have intimidated her that very first day, but ever since then she hasn’t really seemed to care what I say to her.  She takes all the liberties she wants with me as far as her attitude goes, and I can’t upset her no matter what I say.  The only time she takes things personally is when the kids get screwed over...

I guess I shouldn’t blame her.

I just don’t fucking get why she’s so strong.  She’d do so well on my executive panel it’s not funny. The crazy thing? Looking at her you’d never know it.  She looks so sweet, so nice, so innocent.  It’s the thing she can lure a man in with.  Her damn smile...the way she’ll...do the craziest shit for the kids just because they say please.  She’s a good person.  I can’t deny that.

If things were different, I could see us being friends.

But that’s just not possible.  At this stage of my life I can only afford to have friends that understand my career.  Up until recently, I thought that included Danielle too, but when I called her up yesterday afternoon from my office, she made it pretty clear that she didn’t want me to include her anymore.

“Justin, I think we need a break.”

I had never ever been dumped before, so the shock hit me pretty damn hard. “What do you mean, a break?” I said, feeling my brows scrunch together, meaning my face had probably been contorted into some weird, clueless, expression.  

“I just...after the other night, I started to think about a lot of things.  Our lives are changing, Justin.  You know they are.  Your brothers are here now and...”

“It’s not about them,” I said, through gritted teeth.  “I told you that they wouldn’t get in the way.”

“I’m not saying they are,” she supplied.  “I’m just saying that...you need to be a little bit more responsible now.  I’m about to be promoted anyway.  I’ll be swamped.  I don’t think I could even afford a relationship when that happens.  You understand, right?”

“No,” I grunted.  “I don’t fucking understand.”

She just sighed.  “Look, I have to go.  Maybe I’ll see you around, right?”

“What about the benefit?”  I moaned.  “Where am I supposed to get another date?”

“Oh, Justin,” she sighed.  “I’m sure you’ll manage.”
r32;I could hear her rolling her eyes.

“Dani...”

“Goodbye, Justin.”

When she hung up I knew that was it, and there was no way in hell I was about to go chasing after her.  That wasn’t my way at all.  I was still pissed though.  Really fucking pissed.  She’d bailed when I really needed her the most, and I had no idea what the hell I was going to do.

So I ran into Trace’s office and told him what happened.

“Fuck ‘er.”  Trace swatted his hand carelessly in the air as he shoved some Pringles into his mouth.  “Seriously, I never liked that one much, anyway.  Now, Silvia, she was nice looking.  I woulda done her...”

“Trace!” I yelled at him, a desperate tone in my voice.  “Can you focus please? Me, biggest benefit of the year...without a date at the last minute?”

“Why don’t you just make Abbey do it?”

I sat back, ready to tell him it was the stupidest idea ever.  But then it hit me.  He was brilliant.  If I took Abbey I wasn’t obligated to commit to her, and she had no choice but to say yes because it was her job.  “You really think I could pull that off?”

He just shrugged and laughed.  “Justin, you’ve made us billions of dollars.  I think you can pull anything off.  Besides, she can’t say no.  She’s on payroll.”

I smiled.  “Thanks.”

“Pleasure.  Now get out of my office!” He said, mocking my own attitude.

I rolled my eyes.

The next morning I broke the news to Abbey.  She didn’t take it well, but I made it a point to put her in her place, even dangled the boys’ well beings in front of her when she wouldn’t give in right away.  That changed her attitude real quick.

My plan worked.

She has her dress, and Sydney agreed to take her along to the hair salon out of “the goodness of her heart.”  She doesn’t really like me, and I don’t really care for her either, but we tolerate each other for Trace’s sake.  The only thing I have to do now is hold my breath and hope that Abbey doesn’t make a complete ass out of me tomorrow night.  I mean, I’m normally not this nervous.  I’ve held benefits before, lots of them.  But this will be the biggest.  Some of the most elite people in New York are on this guest list, which means there could potentially be a lot of money at stake.  I want it to be perfect, because all the cash is going to go to a cause that I fully support.  Hell, I think it’s the only thing I make a charitable donation to that I actually give a damn about, and that’s saying something.

Mostly, I like to line my own pockets with other people’s money.

“Fine.”  I nod at the teacher.  “Then I’ll take him out of your school, and make sure all of my friends know how corrupt it is here.  By the end of the week, you’ll probably lose about a hundred students.”  Then I lean in close to her and whisper, “How will that affect your petty little job, Ms. Parks?  Pity, they may have to let you go.  All for the sake of you giving me your ‘opinion.’”

She looks horrified.  I smirk.  “Yeah, a lot of my board members kids go here.  That’s how I heard about Dalton in the first place.  Obviously, you don’t know how to handle children properly, if you’re willing to push them off onto shrinks.”

“T-that’s...that’s not the case.”  

I start walking away.

“Mr. Timberlake!”

I love this.  Love it.  Nobody, nobody fucking defies me unless they want the worst reputation in New York City.  I turn around slowly, making sure my smile is non existent.  “Do you have something to say?”

“Perhaps Austin can work one on one with our staff here?”

“Oh, I don’t need him being alienated either,” I scoff.  “He’s going to go to class like every other brat in this place.  If I wanted him tutored, I would home school him.”

She sighs, defeated as she leans against the desk.  

“There’s nothing wrong with Austin that a little time won’t fix,” I snap at her.  “If he acts out, I have no problem with you disciplining him, either.  Believe me, Austin needs plenty of it.  What I don’t want is my nanny coming to me with this shit about you needing to speak with me every time Austin messes up.  If you have an issue you can talk to Abbey.  I don’t have patience for this rhetoric.  Frankly, it’s a waste of my time, and that becomes a waste of my shareholders time.  What kind of an establishment is this, where you can’t keep a bunch of twelve year olds in line for six hours a day?  I shouldn’t have to hold your fucking hands.”

She just nods, and doesn’t meet my gaze.  “Yes, sir.  I’m very sorry to inconvenience you, Mr. Timberlake.  I understand you’re a busy man.”r32;

“Good. So we’re clear then?”

She nods again.

“I’ll keep Austin out of school next week to give you a chance to get a plan together for when he comes back.  Maybe what you need to do is move that other kid...the one he had a fight with, into another class, but I’ll leave that up to you,” I tell her.  “Make sure you have somebody fax his assignments to my office so he doesn’t fall behind.  My secretary will make sure I get them, and Abbey will take care of the rest.”  For the final touch, I pull my checkbook out of my pocket and make a check out to the school for a large sum of money.  Not that it matters.  There’s always more, and I can write this off on next years taxes.  “Here, give this to your superior.”  I rip it out and hand it to her.  “Put it into the school.”

She takes it from me, and I can tell she’s trying extremely hard to hide how she really feels about me.  I watch her eyes widen as she reads the amount that the check is made out for, and she gasps a little.  “Oh...Mr. Timberlake...this is, this is very generous.”

“I don’t want to have to come back here,” I warn her, pointing my finger at her for added measure.

“It won’t happen again,” she tells me seriously.

“It better not.”  I give her one more intimidating look before I walk out of her classroom.

Although I acted like Dalton isn’t worthy of Austin’s presence, I know that it’s actually the best school in Manhattan.  The kid is so lucky to be in this school, and he doesn’t appreciate it.  He doesn’t appreciate the light punishments I give him either, like taking his x box or tv time away.  When I was young, if I was bad, my dad would beat the shit out of me with a belt.  I’m not sure if he ever did that to the boys, but seeing as how both of them are timid little pussies, I seriously doubt it.  Maybe my mom put a stop to that once I left.  Maybe she thought that was the biggest reason I resented my life and how I was brought up.

But it was more, only...she never really saw it, because she had the same problems.

Before New York City, I’d never been able to read very well.  Only very basic words, like the ones on street signs.  Books were nearly impossible for me to get through. It was something I’d always battled with, from the time I started going to elementary school, until the day I dropped out of high school.  No, I never graduated high school.  I got my GED when I moved to New York.  Trace helped me do it.  We met randomly.  He was waiting for a bus, and I thought he looked a little nicer than most of the people I came in contact with, so I asked him if he could help me read a bus schedule.  From then on Trace helped me with a lot of things.  He taught me how to read past the level of a first grader, he taught me how to work numbers and understand the stock market.  Soon, I realized that I had never been dumb.  I was smarter than I thought.  My memory was excellent, which explained why I was able to wait tables without having to write anything down...pass a test without having to read the study material.

At times, Trace would tell me I had a brilliant mind, that it had just been “warped,” and that it wasn’t my fault.

It was him who introduced me into the financial world, and we made it our plan to make it big on Wall Street before we turned thirty.  I guess we lucked out...or something.

I felt stupid my entire life before that.  Countless teachers had tried to improve my reading comprehension, but to no avail.  They just didn’t have enough time since the classes were always overcrowded.  They recommended I get a tutor, which my parents could never afford.  I fell behind, and became really bitter, really closed off.  My parents couldn’t seem to help me, because they were just as dumb as I was.  My mom didn’t work, she’d gotten pregnant with me while she was still in high school and dropped out.  She never went back.  My father worked in the local machine shop factory down at the end of town.  He’d never gotten past the eighth grade, and so he was no help to me with homework.  My mom tried, but she usually gave up after the first assignment became too difficult for her.  

I really struggled.  My entire life.  When Austin came along my parents were in a better situation.  My dad had a better job, and they had a little more money to live on.  Austin would be brought up right, and when Davey was born, I knew he would be too.

I was twelve then...passed along to the next grade one too many times by one too many teachers.  I was just left in the fucking dust, while my parents got another chance to get it right.

So, when I hit seventeen, I dropped out of school and left.

Quincy is waiting for me outside the school, and I tell him to take me to the banquet hall so I can make sure everything is in order for tomorrow.  From the moment I walk in the place I can already tell that all the workers are intimidated by me.  Some of them drop the items they are carrying as I walk by, and when I enter the ballroom, the lead organizer rushes up to me and shakes my hand, presenting me with a nervous smile.  I look around as he does so, and I like what I see, so rather than berate him for being a lesser being than myself, I just smile, pat his shoulder and tell him he’s doing a great job.

Good, one less thing to worry about.

I get back to the office, and am looking forward to working on some trades as I get off the elevator and head down to my office.

“Hey,” Trace sticks his head out of his office door and flashes me a playful grin.  “A client of mine offered some box seats for the Yankees on Sunday afternoon.  Do you think you’ll be up for it?”

I shrug.  Really, I have no idea what mood I’ll be in after the benefit, but I can always cancel on him if need be.  “The boys would probably like it,” I nod.

“Cool, I’ll tell him.  Oh, how did that school thing go?”

I laugh.  “As usual.”

“You pay that bitch off?” He chuckles.

“ ‘Course.  I’ll see you later.”  I don’t give him a chance to make small talk, and quickly make my way into my office.  I find Cheryl in her normal place, but there is somebody else I don’t recognize.  A man in a suit that I’ve never seen before is sitting in a chair against the wall.

“Can I help you?” I say, having stopped in my tracks.  “Cheryl?”

She gives me a weird look and shrugs as if she’s just as confused as I am.

“Justin Timberlake?”

“Yeah. Didn’t you read the sign on the door?”

He just chuckles and shakes his head.  “You’ve been served.”  

He hands me a thick blue piece of paper thats been folded into thirds, and I tear it from his hands.  “What the hell is this?”

“Have a pleasant day.”

That’s all he says, and then he just leaves.  

“What?”

The door closes behind him.

I turn to Cheryl.  “Why did you let him stay!”

“Sir, he had identification!” She defends.  “What could I do?”

I have to take a deep breath in and out, tell myself that it’s not Cheryl’s fault.  I can’t fire her.  She’s the best secretary I’ve ever had, and that’s saying a lot.  “It’s fine...” I huff as I tear the summons open.  “Get my lawyer on the phone,” I say bluntly as I scan the paper with my eyes.

"Yes, sir."

 This document mandates you to be in family court one month from today, due to an injuction filed by Kimberly Hanson.  

Accusation: Unfit to parent

The client is seeking sole custody of the minors Austin Michael Timberlake, and David Bryce Timberlake, pending formal hearing.

Fucking Kimberly.

I throw the paper.  Damn it.  I told her.  I fucking warned her not to mess with me.  What the hell provoked this?

Austin.

Really? Would he really have gone to those lengths? Contacted her? Played me off to be a mean son of a bitch who doesn’t care about him?

I just don’t know for sure.

I’ll kill him though.  I really will.

Cheryl tells me that my lawyer is holding the line, so I take it in my office.  Naturally, he reassures me not to worry, that he’s seen dozens of these types of cases before.  “Some family members just can’t let go,” he tells me.  When he asks me the name of the judge, he laughs even more, telling me that he is a golf buddy of his and owes him a few favors.

I already knew it wouldn’t be a problem.

It just annoys me that I should even have to deal with it.

“When we win we’ll file a letter of restraint, Justin,” he tells me.  “It won’t be a problem.  You’ll only need to appear in court this one day, I’ll handle the rest.”

“Thanks Mac,” I sigh.

“I’ll be in touch.”

I hang up the phone, and stare at it for a long time.  I know it’s probably best if I don’t call her.  It will make things worse, she’ll find a way to use it against me, even though it doesn’t matter anyway.

Fuck, I’m too pissed to ignore this.

The phone rings three times in my ear, and I recognize her voice immediately when she picks up.

“What the hell are you doing, Kim?”
r32;

“Oh, Justin,” she says wittily.  “How nice to hear from you.”

“I want to know what brought this on,” I snap.  “I told you to stay away from us.”

“I found your number, so I decided to give my nephews a call, that’s all,” she says quietly.  “I can’t help it that Austin is unhappy.  That nanny though...she seems nice.  Where did you find her?”

I pause.  Abbey talked to her?  “When did you call?”

“Wednesday.”

Abbey didn’t tell me.  It keeps running through my head, over and over again.  She didn’t tell me.  She would have known that she should have.  It doesn’t make sense.  I...I trusted her.  “What did she tell you?”

“That Austin was struggling and Davey still isn’t talking.  I can’t help but be concerned Justin.  Why, with all that money, I would have thought you would have taken care of all of it by now.”

I suck in a long breath.  Money.  “How much is it going to take to get you to drop this thing.”

“I want the boys not your...”r32;

“A million dollars,” I say, with one hand over my eyes.  “I’ll give it to you, to leave us the hell alone.”

Silence.

She’s thinking.  Yeah, she’s a real great relative.  If she loved them, she wouldn’t hesitate to tell me to shove it in my ass.

“A million dollars?”

“Drop this today and I’ll send you the check.”

She sighs.  “Fine.”

“My lawyer will contact you.”

I hang up on her.  Jesus Christ.  Really? Is this really fucking happening?

I call Mac first, to tell him the situation.  He’s not thrilled that I’m about to settle with money, but he knows I don’t feel like dealing with a courtroom, so he reluctantly agrees to do as I ask.  I storm out of my office after that, don’t say a word to Cheryl, or to Trace who is now standing in the hallway.  The only thing I can think of is getting home and giving Abbey the ass reaming of a lifetime.

Shit, I hope I don’t have to find another date to this benefit.

“What do you mean, you thought it would be nice?”

He’s standing before me, hands on his hips, while I sit on the couch, hands in my lap, staring up at him with fear pulsing inside of me.  I’ve never been intimidated by him like this, and right now, I wish I’d been a little smarter

For the first time since I’ve been here, he really does have a reason to be annoyed with me.  I mean, the better part of me knew Justin had his reasons for keeping the rest of his extended family away from the boys.  But at the same time, Austin was standing right near me when his aunt called, and when I said: “Kimberly who?” he kind of went nuts, begging me to let him talk.  I figured it couldn’t hurt.  He obviously seemed to miss her, so I let him.

What a mistake.

“Austin he just...he got excited that she was on the phone, so I let him talk to her.”

“Oh okay,” he laughs sarcastically.  “So if a nice stranger called, would you put him on the phone then too?”

“That’s not the same thing,” I mutter.

“He was just waiting for that! Don’t you get it!” He yells at me.  “He knew he could talk about me in a bad way with her and she’d side with him.  She’s...a fucking hick who was probably just out for money in the first place! Now I have to pay her off!”

I sigh.  “I’m sorry.”

“Fuck, you’re sorry?” He runs a hand through his hair.  “Well that’s just great, Abbey.”

“Maybe if you acted a little bit more like a human being around him, he wouldn’t have had a reason to complain!” I scream at him and jump up from the sofa.  “What do you expect!”

“I expect you to have half a fuckin brain!”

We’re up in each others faces now, each of us breathing heavily, each of us knowing the other isn’t about to back down for anything.

“What...what’s going...on?”

It’s Austin.  God.  Not right now.  Please, not right now.  I turn and look at him.  “Austin go...”

“You talked to Aunt Kimberly?” Justin says, focusing his rage on his brother now.  “After I expressly fucking forbid it!”

Austin flips him off with a nasty sneer.

“Austin!” I yell.

But Justin doesn’t wait.  He storms over to Austin, and grabs him by the scruff of his shirt.  “You little asshole!” He screams at him, and then pushes him into the wall harshly.  “Are you trying to ruin my god damn life!”

He stares at his brother for a while, seemingly in disbelief, before he starts to cry like a baby.

“That’s it!” Justin yells and starts to remove his belt.  “If this doesn’t get through to you, nothing will!”

I know what’s next.

“Justin stop it!”  I run up to them as Austin cowers and cries, while Justin wraps part of the belt around his hand and raises it into the air.

I don’t allow him to hit Austin.  I pull his arm back as hard as I can.  “Austin! Go to your room!”

He runs away.

“Get off!”  Justin pushes me back and I fall onto the floor.

He just crossed the line.

We stare at each other after that, for a long time.  His mouth is hanging open slightly, as if he didn’t realize what was happening until just now, while I just stare at him, my eyes welling up with tears, as I try to think of what to do next.

“You don’t let him talk to you about his parents,” I whimper.  “That’s what’s wrong with him.  He doesn’t have anybody else here who understands, and then his aunt calls, and he trusts her and he misses her.  She’s the only other person who knows about the situation, and you’re keeping them apart.”

He drops the belt to the floor, the energy seeming to have drained from him as he sits down on the floor and puts his head in his hands.  “Davey needs a bath,” he says to me.

“I’m not doing anything until we talk this out, Justin.  This is extreme, what just happened.  You’re losing it.  You’re angry, and...I don’t want the boys around you like this.  It’s not safe.  Lucinda ran out for a few minutes.  If I wasn’t here...what would have happened?”

He looks up at me.  For the first time ever...he’s allowing me to see him get emotional.  “I don’t know,” he whispers.  “I...I didn’t...I didn’t mean to do that.”

I just nod, because I don’t know what to say.  Honestly, I’m scared.  Scared enough to quit.  To move back into Char’s and never look back.  I wouldn’t tell anybody about this, for the sake of the boys.  I would just leave them alone.  “I’m really fucking scared of you right now.”

He sighs harshly into his hands, and then rubs his eyes a little.  “I...I don’t deal with it well.  My parents...I...we didn’t talk for years and then they...they were just dead.”

It’s weird, him breaking down like this.  It’s so sudden, I’ve been caught off guard and I’m not sure if I’m ready to listen to this.  The only reason I feel any kind of compassion for him right now, is because I know what it’s like to lose somebody, and feel so fucking confused about it that it makes you want to slit your own throat.  “Maybe talking about it with Austin sometimes, would help you feel better,” I whisper.r32;
“He’s a kid,” Justin croaks.

I shrug.  “He’s smarter than you think he is.”

He shakes his head a little and sniffles loudly before pushing himself to his feet.  “I have an event to finish planning.”  

“So that’s it?” I scoff.

He shrugs.  “I’ll go in and talk to Austin.”

“I think you should just let him be for tonight.”

“Fine,” he mutters.  “I got tickets to the Yankees on Sunday, box seats.  I’ll make it up to him then.”

I just roll my eyes.  “Yeah, that’ll resolve everything.”

“Hey, screw you,” he seethes.  “I’m doing the best I fuckin’ can here.  I was never prepared to raise kids.”

“I’m raising them,” I remind him.  “You’re just a bystander most of the time, popping in when it’s convenient, yelling at Austin whenever you’re pissed off, or he messes up.  You use Davey as somebody to pawn toys and material possessions off on to make you feel like you’re doing a good job,” I sigh, disgusted, as I rise to my feet.  “Goodnight Justin.”

He doesn’t say anything else to me as I head off to bed, and I’m glad those are the final words I left him with.  It’ll give him something to think about, and I sure as hell hope he tones it down.  I mean, if he ever pulls this kind of crap again, I’ll leave.  I swear to God I will.

That was just downright scary.

I lock the door to my room tonight, hoping like hell he doesn’t feel the urge to try and barge in on me.  I need tonight to sleep, to prepare myself for tomorrow because...oh yeah, I still have to go to that benefit with him, if I want to keep my job.  And despite what happened, I still want my job.

I mean, I just got to send payback money to my parents and Charlene with that check he gave me.  It was worth all of this, to get that.  Now I don’t have to feel guilty about all the money I borrowed anymore.  

“Honey, I’m really glad that...you were able to pay us back,” my mom told me the other day when she called me.  “But, where in the world did you get five thousand dollars?”

“Well I...I found a job in my field,” I lied, sort of.  “Marketing at Goldman Sachs.”

“Oh honey! That’s fantastic!”

My parents and I have always been close, which is why I hated lying to her, but what was I supposed to say? ‘Oh mom, I’m working as Justin Timberlake’s super nanny.  I get to live in his house and have him berate me like a piece of shit every single day!’  

Yeah, she would have been on the first flight out.

Although, it would be highly amusing to watch my mom bitch him out.  She’s really good at making people feel guilty about things, even better than I am.  My dad is more of a gentle giant, but again, if he knew how I was being treated by Justin, he wouldn’t hesitate to intimidate the hell out of him.  

I can still remember how much he intimidated Braeden the first time he ever took me out on a date.

“Does your dad really have a shotgun?” He whimpered.

I just laughed.  “I’ll never tell.”

God, I wish he were around.  Around to protect me.  Around so I wouldn’t have to live in Justin’s house, live for somebody else.  Around so I could love him, marry him, and be with him forever.

I drift off thinking these thoughts, dream about him suffering, being beaten and tortured.  I can’t help him.  I scream out for him, try to reach out, take him back with me through my dreams.

I wake up, drenched in sweat.  The clock reads five am.  It’s Saturday morning.

I get up, shower, and put on some slumming around the house clothes before deciding to head downstairs.  I want to watch some of the news before the boys wake up in a few hours, wanting breakfast and cartoons.

I stop dead in my tracks when I see Justin in the middle of the living room, stretching out his calve muscles.  He’s wearing a long white wife beater and navy blue jogging pants that button up the sides.  I’m assuming he’s getting himself ready for his morning workout.  The one that he probably missed last weekend when we went to the zoo.

“Morning.”  He doesn’t smile.  His eyes are small, and tired, like he hasn’t slept.

“Hi,” I croak, and go make myself some coffee.

“Do you like to run?”

I turn as I finish pouring myself a mug full, and shrug a little.  I haven’t done it in a while.  It was ritual for Braeden and I that I haven’t revisited since he went missing.  “I used to run a lot.”

He nods.  “You wanna...maybe...go with me?”

Weird.  I don’t know how I feel about that.  Last night...it was too much.  I want to keep my distance from him badly.  At the same though, I know he’s sorry.  He’s really sorry.  He may be a lot of things, but he’s not violent.  Not intentionally.  “I guess I could, but the boys...”

“Lucinda can handle it.  Besides, we might be back before they get up anyway.”

I nod, agreeing with him.  “Okay.”  I give him a tight smile and he waits for me to finish my coffee before we head out.  

Justin must know how out of shape I am, because he jogs much slower than I’m sure he would normally, so I don’t lag behind.  It’s almost nice, jogging at this hour of the morning.  The busy hustle and bustle of the city hasn’t quite started yet.  It’s peaceful, even if Justin is here.  He’s not bothering me anyway.  We’re not even talking, just jogging.  We jog and jog until we reach Central Park.  Then I stop to catch my breath and Justin does the same.

“Out of shape, huh?”

I pant heavily as I lean over, trying to cure the cramp in my side.  “Just a little.”

“Why’d you stop running?” He chuckles.  “You get bored?”

“No, I just stopped.”

I say it too short and too quick, because he’s looking at me strangely now.  “Well, there must have been a reason.”

I shrug.  “It doesn’t matter.  Can we just go?”

“Ah, so she does have some secrets.”

A small smile cracks at the corner of his mouth, and it just makes me roll my eyes.  No way am I discussing Braeden with him.  That’s sacred, special, mine, and I refuse to let him have an opinion about it.  “I have my life and you have yours,” I state, simply.  “That’s all.”

He considers what I’ve said for a moment.  “Fair enough,” he decides.

We walk through the park together, taking in the scenery as the morning sunlight awakens everything around us.  Birds chirp, flowers bloom.  It’s bliss...beautiful, eases my tension away, and I think that Justin probably comes here for that very same reason.  “It’s nice here.  I’ve never been to this part of the park before,” I tell him.

“I try to come every weekend,” he says.  “It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve been, though.  I’ve um...I’ve never had company though.  Trace isn’t a real outdoors kind of guy, unless it includes booze and a boat.”

I chuckle.  “He strikes me as that type.”

It’s weird...laughing with him.  After last night I didn’t think he’d be capable of it.  Actually, I think this is the nicest he’s ever been to me.  Even at the zoo, he wasn’t in this good of a mood.  He seems a little at peace with himself right now, but it’s better.  We need to be civil if we’re going to spend the evening together.

Hell, maybe he invited me along with him, just for that reason alone.

“So what happened to miss thing from your living room the other night,” I smirk.  “She didn’t want to come with you to the event tonight?”

“Ah she...” he trails off and sighs.  “We’re taking a break.”r32;
“Meaning, she broke up with you.”

He stares at me, unamused, as I smile back at him.  “Yeah, I guess so.”

I raise an eyebrow.  “Must have bruised your ego.”

“A little,” he chuckles.  “But I think I’ll get over it.  Too much is going on for me to worry about Danielle.  It’s for the best, I think.”

It’s a typical answer.  I can tell he’s still pissed, that he never expected to be the one to get dumped, to have his date ditch him.  Lucky for him I’m around to save the day, even though he’s paying me for my services like some kind of female escort.  I shudder.

“So you’re from Colorado?”

We reach a clearing and there is a coffee stand, Justin buys us some bottled water, and we continue to walk along.  I nod a little.  I never told him that but I’m sure he must have read it on my application.  “Yeah.  Brighton, actually.  It’s near Denver.  My parents still live there.”

“I’ve been to Vail and Aspen,” he says.  “I like to snowboard.  I was thinking about taking the boys in October or November.”

Braeden was a skier.  I always, always fell on my ass every time we went, but I still had a great time.  “I’m terrible at anything that has to do with sliding around on plastic,” I chuckle.

“Well, I could teach you,” he smirks.  “You can come.”

I look at him strangely.  “You know, you’re being...really...”

“I just...I don’t want you mad at me,” he confesses quickly.  “I still feel really dumb about last night.  I acted like a barbarian or something.”r32;
I’m surprised that he’s admitting that.  That he’s actually acting well...human.  Maybe what I said to him last night really made an impact.  “Well, you should feel that way,” I chuckle and take a sip of my water.  “But I wouldn’t dwell on it long.  There will be something else that comes up to take your mind off of it anyway.  Just...keep your emotions in check next time.”

“Noted,” he says lightly.  “So uh, what about you? I mean, you’ve never come to me and said you have a date or anything that you need to go do.”

I don’t get it.  Why is he getting on this subject with me? It’s too awkward, the guy is my boss.  “I thought you liked it better that I was single.”

“Oh, I do,” he smirks.  “It just strikes me as weird that a girl like you doesn’t have much of a social life.”

“A girl like me?” I scoff.  “What’s that mean?”

“I just...”

His phone starts to ring.  Thank God, because I was about to get very, very uncomfortable.

He scowls as he digs it out of his pocket.  ‘Yeah, hello? No! No! I told you not til Monday!”

He’s been distracted from everything we just talked about, just like I knew he would be.  He’s walking ahead of me now, shouting at whoever has just called him about some business related item.  I let him.  Jesus.  That was weird.  So weird.  

It was like...he’d suddenly gotten curious about me in a sexual way.  That’s not supposed to happen.  I will not go running with Justin again.  It must be something about the morning air...and the birds.  Yeah, the birds must have provoked his mood.  Hell, he just got dumped too so he must be on the rebound, no matter how much he tries to tell me Danielle’s absence doesn’t bother him.

I wander alongside him all the way back to his penthouse, and he manages to stay on the phone the entire time.  Occasionally he hangs up to make another call, muttering to himself about people being ‘fuckin’ idiots’ as if I’m not even around, and I know the Justin I’ve come to know so well has finally returned to me this morning.  The boys are both up once we get back inside.  Lucinda is yammering to them in what little English she knows.  They are chasing each other around the table, smiling and laughing, while she’s trying to get them to sit and eat their breakfast.

“Hey!” I yell at them with a smile.  “Settle down, okay?”

They stop running, and stare at me.  I can still hear Justin somewhere behind me, shouting into the phone.  

“Let’s eat.”  I take my seat and the boys follow my lead.  Soon they are both digging into their breakfasts without another sound.  I look at Lucinda and she is smiling at me, as if to say, ‘I don’t know how you do it.’

I don’t either.

Justin finally joins us about halfway into our meals, and I can see Austin tense up slightly as he takes his seat at the head of the kitchen island.  Lucinda automatically plants a large plate of eggs, bacon, and sausage in front of him, which he quickly starts to consume.  “So...you guys wanna go see the Yankees tomorrow?” he asks, his mouth full of food.

Davey nods his head with a smile, while Austin just stares at him.

“So...” he trails off and glances at me for a second.  “That’s a yes?”

“Thought I was in trouble,” Austin mutters.

“You’re okay, buddy,” Justin winks at him.

“Oh.”  Austin immediately looks at me and I give him a small wink.  Then he smiles.  “Is Abbey comin too?”

Justin shrugs and chuckles a little.  “If she wants to.”

They’re all looking at me right now for an answer.  Christ, I feel like I’ve become the mother in this severely dysfunctional family.  I shouldn’t be as close as I am with the boys, and I know that...but if I’m not, if I stand back a little bit, who will they have? Who will play with them and laugh at Austin’s slightly corny jokes?  Nobody.  “If you want me to, I’ll go.”

“YAY!!” Davey cheers and claps his hands.

Justin and I look at each other then, for the first time cracking up together like we’re the best of friends.  It’s strange.  It’s like he’s sort of changed himself magically overnight.  Sure, he was on a business call and mean as ever but he didn’t bring that attitude to the breakfast table.  Maybe he’s starting to realize some things...that the boys are really important and the way he acts around them matters a lot.  Maybe he’s starting to realize that I’m a person too, that I have feelings...

Although, I’m not so sure if him getting closer to me is the best thing in the world, either.
****************
After breakfast, Trace’s girlfriend, Sydney, came by to take me to the hair appointment that Justin had told me about.  I was nervous about being alone with one of Justin’s friends, especially since she was Trace’s girlfriend.  I was afraid she was going to ask me all sorts of weird questions, including why it was that Justin chose me to bring to the benefit when he could pretty much have any woman in Manhattan on his arm.

But she didn’t.  Sydney has minded her own business the entire time we’ve been out.  The only thing we’ve discussed in detail is the children in our lives.  She has a daughter, Kristy, that’s about Austin’s age.  She is her world, and apparently she’s Trace’s world as well.  I could tell how much she loves the two of them.  I could see that glow on her face and the twinkle in her eyes whenever she would say one of their names.  It’s the way I used to feel when Braeden was around.

I didn’t want to be jealous of her either, I knew it was wrong, but I just...couldn’t help it.  It had been too long since I’d felt that way, completely happy and content, and it made me sad to think I would probably never feel that way again.  I refused to let my feelings show though. I wanted Sydney’s opinion of me to stay simple.  I wanted her to say: ‘she’s a nice girl, but I don’t really know her that well.’ That was fine with me.  The less people I associated myself with in Justin’s life, the better.  I was an employee, not a friend.

Night has fallen.  Justin, surprisingly enough, took it upon himself to set up the kids in his movie theater for the evening, so I could get ready.  I was able to meet and talk to Sydney’s daughter briefly.  I wanted to make sure she wasn’t wild or rowdy, and it turns out that she’s a very well behaved child.  Somebody who will keep Austin’s mood swings at bay, and that’s a good thing.  Trace’s sitter is nice too.  She’s younger than I am, in her freshman year of college, but she seems very trustworthy.  I could tell Sydney is pretty strict as a mother and wouldn’t play games with who she hired to watch her daughter.

I sigh as I gaze at my reflection in the mirror.  At least the kids are taken care of.  

I, on the other hand, look so fucking out of place with my hair done up, wearing this ridiculously overpriced gown.  I can remember going to a few weddings when I was a kid, but my dresses were always ordinary and plain.  When I went to my senior prom, my dress was simple as well, but Braeden was always one for simplicity.  Tonight...I’m just over the top tonight.  But that’s what Justin wants.

That’s what he’s paying me for.

There’s a knock at the door, and I pray to god it’s not Justin.  Not yet.  I’m not ready.  “It’s open,” I murmur.

“Hey, hun.”  I see Sydney enter the room and I’m relieved.  She’s smiling a little bit and closes the door gently behind her.  “Justin wanted me to give you this.”  She hands me a square velvet box, that could only contain the jewelry he was telling me about earlier in the week.  

I take it from her gently, and open it up.  The diamond necklace takes my breath away.  It looks like something the royals would wear.  I’m nauseated.  What if I lose it? Oh God.  “I...I can’t wear this...” I stutter.

“Awe, you’re so cute,” she giggles.  “But come on, you have to put it on.  Justin won’t stop talking about seeing it on you.”

I wish he would stop.

Sydney takes the necklace out of the box and gently places it around my neck, fastening the clasp in the back for me.  “Fuck, that is incredible,” she sighs as she gazes back at me in the mirror.  “I’m so jealous.”

“I’m going to lose it.”

“No you won’t,” she cackles.  “You’ll be okay, just remember to smile and act like you’re having the time of your life.  You’re lucky you know? You don’t have to worry about what people think of you.”

Yeah, I’m just the nanny, anyway.  I think it but don’t say it out loud because I don’t want to come off as a bitch in front of her.  Instead, I flash her a nervous smile.  “So, I’m guessing they’re waiting for us?”r32;
She nods.  “Justin said whenever you’re ready, but I know him, and he most likely means I should get you to hurry up.”

I laugh a little.  “Yeah, that’s Justin.”

“I don’t know how you put up with him,” she snickers as we leave the room.  “I can’t stand him for more than a few hours at a time.  Working for him must give you a daily migraine.”

I shrug.  “I’m good with kids.”

She laughs loudly.

I reach the top of the stairs.  Justin and Trace are at the bottom, but Justin’s back is turned to me, phone pressed to his ear.  Typical.  Trace sees me though, and I see his eyes go wide...his mouth even falls open a little.  God, he must think I look like a train wreck.  Sydney moves past me and descends the stairs to meet her boyfriend, but I’m...I’m still trying to get my bearings.  Then I see Trace nudge Justin, and he gets off the phone as he turns around.

That’s when I see it, that look...that one look a guy can give to you that says you’ve taken his breath away.

It’s so dangerous, because I can’t be with anybody...not ever, especially Justin.

“Wow, Abbey,” Trace snickers as he hugs Sydney close to his side.  “You look amazing.”

I can’t answer him.  My eyes are still locked hopelessly on Justin’s expression.

“You um...you’re ready, right?” He rasps.

Trace and Sydney both give him a weird look, and I decide to make the moment less difficult by walking down the stairs and over to my date.  “I’m ready,” I say gently, quickly looking him over.  He’s wearing a very classy looking tuxedo, with a long black tie.  It’s the kind of tux you would see at the Oscars or the Grammys.  I hate to admit it, and I shouldn’t admit it because he’s my boss...because he’s an asshole most of the time...

But he really looks good tonight.

“Shouldn’t I say bye to the kids?” I ask him, as Trace and Sydney lead the way out the door.

“I said bye to them,” Justin chuckles.  “Don’t worry.  They’re fine...they have movies.”

His answer doesn’t reassure me much, but I don’t really have an option to turn back, because we’re on the elevator now.  We all ride it down silently, and when we get out, the door man nods to us and says that our car is waiting outside.  We go out the doors and Quincy is there to greet us with his bright, wide smile. 

“Well, my my, Miss Abbey.”  He tips his hat to me as Trace and Sydney get in the back of the sleek looking limousine he’s driving tonight.  “You look very, very, lovely.”

I feel my cheeks burning.  “Thanks, Quincy.”

“Hey man, stop hitting on my date.”  Justin nudges him and laughs a little, as he lets me get into the limo ahead of him.

Trace has opened an expensive looking bottle of champagne, and passes me a glass while Justin gets in and sits down next to me.  I sip my drink, as he pulls some index cards out of his pocket and begins to mumble the words written on them to himself.  Obviously, it’s his speech for tonight, and I start to think how cute it is that he’s such a perfectionist.

But then I snap myself out of it.

“Hey, I heard Trump is coming,” Trace laughs as he puts an arm around Sydney.

Justin chuckles but doesn’t take his gaze away from his index cards.  “I doubt it.  The guy can’t stand me.”

“He’s just pissed because you intimidate him, that’s all.  You’re about twenty years younger than he is and you have ten times the fortune he had at that age.”

I guess Charlene was right about Justin giving the guy a run for his money.

“If we open the hotel in midtown, it’ll be war,” he smirks a little as he shoves his cards back into his jacket.  

“What do you mean if?” Trace smirks.  “We’re breaking ground next month.”

Justin shrugs.  “I don’t know.  If we don’t do well, the firm will take a hit.”

“I’ve already told you why it’s going to do well, and you have me heading up the project, besides,” he reassures him.  “You can’t get much better than that.”

Sydney snorts.  “Now baby, lets not be full of ourselves.”

“Hey I’m just saying,” Trace smirks.  “It’s not in my nature to fail.”

Justin sort of laughs and rubs his upper lip before glancing out the window for a moment.  I can tell he’s a little bit stressed about this particular subject, but I have nothing to say, because he doesn’t talk about business with me.  Wow, what the hell can I talk about with him tonight? The kids? No.  That just won’t do.  I wish I’d been brought up in a socialite setting, having been trained on what to talk to your date about on a night such as this.

But I’m just a normal girl.

Trace and Sydney begin to get...close.  Meaning, he’s kissing her neck and she’s giggling into him.  They’re both disregarding the fact that they’re in the same car as us, and when I look at Justin, he doesn’t seem phased.  It’s common practice for them to do this, I realize.  I shouldn’t be so surprised.  This is his world...sex, money, power.  I should get used to it, because it’s obvious I’ll be seeing a lot more of this behavior tonight.

“You look nice tonight.”

I snap to attention, stare at him and take a huge gulp of champagne.  “Thanks,” I whisper.

“I mean it.  The dress...your hair, everything is perfect.”

I just nod.

We don’t speak for the rest of the trip.  I think he realizes that he’s making me uncomfortable, and I’m too nervous to try and ease the tension between us, so I just stare out at the city, trying to go over in my head how I should act when we arrive at our destination.  I remind myself to smile, to take slow, even steps so I don’t trip over my long gown in these heels.

God, my feet are killing me.

We pull up in front of a majestic looking building.  It’s been decorated on the outside with ice sculptures, and a five violin orchestra greets people as they make their way down the long carpet.  There is a small line of people walking up the large flight of steps, being checked in upon reaching the top of them.  Shit, we haven’t even gotten inside yet, and it already looks like the event of the year.

“You’re trembling.”

I look at him, and when I look down I realize his hand is on top of mine.  “I...”  I pull my hand away and suck in my bottom lip.  “I’ll be okay.”

“Look, they’re only people,” he reassures me.  “I know...this isn’t exactly normal for you, but I won’t leave you alone or anything unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

A strange feeling comes over me.  It’s one of reassurance...and one that’s also making me feel like he actually gives a damn about me.  “O-okay,” I nod slowly.

Quincy opens the door, and I see a million flashes go off as Justin gets out of the car.  Jesus, I didn’t think he was on that level...like a celebrity.  But I guess I should have known better.  He’s on the covers of magazines, and I swear...he’s been on Letterman before too.  

“Let’s go girl,” I hear Trace chuckling from behind me.  “You’re holding up the line.”

“Trace, stop it,” Sydney snaps.  “She’s nervous.  I have no idea why he even wanted to bring her.  Look at her...she’s freaking out.”

I could slap her.  Slap them both even.  It gives me incentive to get out of the car as quickly as possible.  Then the worst happens.  I trip over my gown after taking just one step, and I feel myself going down...but then...

“Whoa.”  Justin reaches out and catches me in his arms.  A flash goes off.  Great.  That’ll end up on page five tomorrow, I’m sure.  “You okay?” He laughs.

I roll my eyes at him.  “Just great.”

“C’mon.”  He has me loop his arm through his.  “It’s not this bad inside, I swear.”

We walk down the red carpet that leads up the staircase, like we’re some kind of royalty.  Flashes go off all around us, and Justin nods and waves at the various press people that call out his name.  I try to look straight ahead, not make myself known, but it’s difficult.  He stops sometimes, we have to take pictures as a “couple.”  I wish he would have told me this to begin with.  Although, if he had, I doubt I would have came.

We finally make our way inside, and are immediately taken to a table set in the front of the house.  I have to admit, Justin’s choice of table linens was right on the money, and all the decorations in the room have been centered on the colors and the pattern.  It’s a very grand, royal setting, and by the looks of things, everybody who RSVP’d was true to their word. The place is packed, and I realize that our party is among the last to arrive.  I take a seat, relieved, and when one of the waiters offers me some wine, I take it with a grateful smile.

Our table is soon joined by two other couples that Justin, Trace, and Sydney seem to know very well.  Neither of them acknowledge me.  In fact, one of the women even studies me with her eyes, as if she can just tell I don’t belong here.  Justin doesn’t introduce me, but I think it’s better.  I don’t want to deal with people I’ll probably never see again, anyway.  I just want to get through this night, go home, and sink back into my normal nanny lifestyle where it all makes sense.

“Ladies and gentleman.”

The lights dim slightly, and I watch as all the people who were milling around scurry back to their seats.  I look up at the podium, and a middle aged man has taken the stage.  I’m assuming he either works for Justin, or is the leader of the cause he is here to support tonight.

“On behalf of the New York City Department of Education, I would like to welcome you all to the first annual Literacy Foundation Gala!”

The room erupts with applause, and Trace is hooting like he’s at the ballpark.  I roll my eyes and look at Justin, who is smiling simply to himself as he claps his hands.  It’s funny, I don’t think he cares if Trace is making an ass out of himself right now, for whatever reason.  He’s so focused, like he really cares about being here.

It’s so unlike him.

“I’d like to introduce you all to a man, who at just twenty four years of age has gained more power and wealth than most.  Yet, he is a simple man.  A kind man.  A generous man, who is always focused on the welfare of our schools, and the community around him first and foremost.”

I roll my eyes.  This guy has gotta be fucking kidding me.

“He has become the founder of our newest and greatest educational tool in a century.  So, without further adieu, ladies and gentleman, I give you the youngest CEO in Wall Street history, Mr. Justin Timberlake!”

The crowd erupts into applause again, and the spotlight shines down on Justin as he slowly stands up, an embarrassed expression on his face.  He turns back to me quickly and shrugs a little bit, before making his way up onto the stage.  The moment he does, a banner drops down behind him that reads:

The Justin Timberlake Literacy Foundation.  Improving Literacy For A Better New York City.

It makes me cringe.  Makes me feel sick to my stomach because I know Justin doesn’t give a crap about education...or literacy.  It’s all a farce.  A way to get people to like him more, so he can still be an asshole in private.

“Thank you,” he smiles and holds up his hand when he reaches the podium so the applause will die down.  He clears his throat quickly and reaches into his jacket pocket producing the index cards a moment later.  He casually places them down in front of him on the large black podium and glances at them quickly before looking out at the audience.  “Thank you all for coming tonight.  I can’t emphasize enough, how important it is for all of our school children to read well in today’s fast paced world.  When I came here seven years ago, I could barely read a bus schedule.  It’s a scary thing to live through, and if I can prevent that from happening to another child...another adult, I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Applause.

I stare at him.  What the hell? I mean...what?  Justin, undereducated?  Justin, weak, confused? Never...

What the hell?

“Tonight, I’d like to ask all of you to make a small donation...or a large one,” he laughs, and is met by laughter from the audience as well. “To our foundation.  With your help, we can set the groundwork for new, more dedicated teachers in our Manhattan public schools, as well as public schools in our outer boroughs.  We will also be able to create private, free, learning centers throughout the city. By doing this we can connect with the children that do not get the same advantages as those in private academies.  Our goal, is to raise the literacy rate in New York City by fifty percent over the next five years.  Please, dance tonight, have fun, but also keep our precious cause in the back of your minds.  Thank you.”

The loudest roar of applause comes now.  The room is shaking.  Everybody loves him, and Justin is smiling and waving, as if he’s such a humble man.  I just stare.  I’m in shock I think.  I just... I mean, I never thought he struggled with an issue like that.  Of course he never told me but he carries himself so well, and speaks with such eloquence that the thought never would have crossed my mind. I guess I can’t dislike him as much now.  I mean, he just got up in front of the most powerful people in New York City and told them all that he hadn’t been able to read a few years ago.  That takes guts.

I feel like there’s an entire side to Justin, lurking underneath his tough exterior, that he barely lets anybody see.  I got a taste of it last night, and now, I’m seeing it even more.  I know it won’t last.  When the clock strikes midnight he’ll turn back into an asshole, just like the coach turned back into a pumpkin.

“You’re gonna raise a crap load of money for this thing,” Trace says enthusiastically as Justin takes his seat again and sips his wine.  “They ate it up.  There’s a line at the donation box right now!”

He nods a little at him, and barely looks at me.  “Hope so,” he says, as he empties his glass.

I sit there and stare down at the table.  Soon, the light in the room is brought back to normal, and I hear a band begin to play on a stage at the other end of the ballroom.  One by one, couples begin to gravitate towards the dance floor in the center of the room.  I watch them as they hold each other, smile and laugh, like they don’t have a care in the world.  

Trace and Sydney get up soon too, along with the other two couples at our table, and they all head out to dance.  I’m left alone with Justin, and when he doesn’t follow them, I realize it was never his intention to leave me here alone to dance with somebody else.

“Did I freak you out?” He says, as he stares down at his shoes.

“No...I...” I suck in a long breath.  “I guess you just caught me off guard.”

“I figured telling these people would get them to donate more money,” he says gently.  “That’s why I put this thing together.  I don’t really...care what they think about my past, you know?”

I shake my head.  “They shouldn’t think less of you for it.”

He shrugs.  “Yeah but, you probably do.”

“I don’t.  It’s nothing to be ashamed of Justin.  I mean, you came out of it and look where you are now,” I say.  “What does it matter what I think anyway?”

He just stares at me.  “Let’s go dance.”

I laugh nervously.  “No, that’s okay.”

“Come on, people will think we’re weird if we don’t dance.”

“We aren’t a “we”,” I remind him.  “I came here with you as arm candy, that’s it.”

He narrows his eyes at me.  “I could have taken anybody as arm candy, Abbey.”

I can’t dance with him.  I can’t.  I can’t let him put his arms around me, and act like it’s a perfectly normal thing.  It just wouldn’t be fair to Braeden.  I swore to myself, I would never let anybody else in once those papers were signed and he’d been pronounced dead.  “Justin...”

He gets up and holds his hand out to me. A perfect smile appears on his face, as if being here, with me, means the world to him.  “Let me dance with you,” he whispers.  “I’d be honored to dance with you.  C’mon, I don’t want to be snubbed by the most beautiful woman in the room at my own benefit.”

Why does he have to put it like that?  Fuck, now I’m beautiful? What’s going on?  “God.”  I squeeze my eyes shut and when I open them again, and still see him standing there, smiling at me, I reluctantly take his hand.  He guides me out to the center of the ballroom floor, I can feel people’s eyes on me, and I start to look, but then he leans in and whispers...

“Don’t look at them.”  He pulls my arms up so I’ll wrap them around his neck, and he places his hands at my waist.  A soulful singer has taken the stage, a piano being her source of musical accompaniment.  She begins to sing a slow love song, the words I can’t pay attention to because he’s looking too deep into my eyes, and his smile is too big.

Jesus, what is this night turning into?

 “I thought we were gonna be closer,” Austin moans.  “I wanted a foul ball.”

I roll my eyes and drink some more of my beer.  “I bought you a baseball before we sat down.”

“It’s not the same!  You said to bring my glove in case I caught one!  You knew I wouldn’t!”

“Shut up, Austin,” I grunt.  “There’s a lot of kids that can’t even afford to come to a game, so start being a little bit more fucking grateful.”

He slams his body against the back of his chair roughly and crosses his arms sternly over his chest as he begins to pout.

I feel Abbey’s eyes digging into me like daggers.  I probably shouldn’t have used vulgarity with him.

But I just don’t care.  I’m trying to enjoy my day.

I made it a point not to talk to her during the limo ride back from the Gala, and when we got back home, I went right to bed.  I thought she called out my name, but I ignored it.  I had to focus, couldn’t dwell on her tears or how emotional we both became for that short span of time.  I had been trapped in a bubble then, captivated by her.  I’m smart enough that I won’t allow it to happen again.

I can tell that she feels betrayed though.  Betrayed because she poured her soul out to me, and I acted like I cared.  I mean, I did care I guess, but...then Trace gave me a wake up call, and I realized what my priorities were, that’s all.  She should be able to understand.  She knows how I am, how things are.  I don’t get why she’s so pissed.

She needs to cut the crap already, get used to the fact that we have a professional relationship that should never have started to cross over to something more.  It was a mistake.  She should know that.  She’s an adult for Christ’s sake.

Davey shoves his hand into my Yankees hard hat filled with popcorn and I hold it steady for him as he grabs a handful out. I ruffle his hair and smirk a little bit as he drops most of it down the front of his shirt.  He’s the easy one.  The one who can appreciate the little shit I do, like taking him to a baseball game.  

Trace and Sydney are here too, with Kristy.  Usually, I can’t stand other people’s kids but I don’t mind Kristy so much.  She’s pretty quiet, but I think that’s because Trace gives her whatever she asks for, like she’s his little princess or something.  I don’t get how he does it.  How the hell he can balance this little family life he has when things are so damn jam packed at work.  But he does though.  He’s been with Syd for years, since her daughter was barely a year old...before I even lived in New York City. I don’t get why I can’t do that too.  I’m just...too focused on work maybe?

Hell, I don’t know.

“What’s on your agenda for tomorrow?” I focus on Abbey.  She’s been reading a book the entire time we’ve been here, oblivious to what’s been going on.  I haven’t said anything.  I expect her to be bored...

Pissed at me.

“Austin is getting fitted for his soccer uniform.  I figured I’d take advantage of his mini vacation from school to get it done,” she says, not looking up from her book as she flips a page.  

“Good.  I have some stuff for you to take care of too.”

“Surprise, surprise,” she huffs.

I hear Trace snickering and it’s apparent to me that he’s been listening in.  “What’s your problem?” I grunt at her under my breath.

She finally looks at me.  “You’re an idiot.  That’s my problem.”

“Well shit, J,” Trace cracks up.  “She sure knows how to put you in your place, I guess.”

Both Sydney and Trace are laughing at what an idiot she’s made me out to be.  I feel foolish.

I really hate feeling foolish in front of my friends.

“We need to talk,” I spit at her.

“I don’t feel like talking to you,” she tells me.  “It’s my day off, I shouldn’t have to do anything that I don’t want to do.”

“Now.” I’ve gotten to my feet, giving her my most intimidating look, and I think she’s taking me a little more seriously now.  I walk out of our private box and out into the hallway, making sure she’s behind me.  

“What, Justin,” she grunts, her arms crossed as she glares at me.

“I know you’re pissed but you really need to save the attitude for when we’re alone,” I grunt at her.  “I don’t need you making a fool out of me in front of my friends, and the kids.”

“You deserve it!” she exclaims.  “Oh, please Abbey...dance with me, you’re so beautiful.”  She rolls her eyes and gives me a disgusted look.  “You’re so full of shit, Justin!”

I chuckle a little as I rock back on my heels.  “Don’t be mad because you spilled your guts to me. I know that’s the issue.  What do you expect me to do? Be your best friend?  I don’t have time for it.  I mean, I’m glad you felt you could talk to me but they have therapists for that sort of thing, you know?”

“You would say that,” she sneers.  “You know, you shouldn’t pretend that you don’t have feelings for me now, just because Trace caught onto it and didn’t approve.  It’s fucked up, and makes you out to be even more arrogant. We had a connection.”

“You wish we had...had a connection,” I glare, hating that my voice broke a little bit.  “I felt bad for you, I know you didn’t have anybody else you could talk to about that guy...”

“Braeden,” she snaps.

“Whatever.”  I blow it off with wave of my hand.  “Cut the fucking attitude, okay?”

“So I quit then,” she calls back to me as I start walking away from her.

It makes me stop, turn back to her.  “You’re not quitting,” I scoff.

“Watch me.”  She holds her head high and starts to walk away from me.

“Whoa...”  I hate myself for running after her.  I do.  I shouldn’t have to.  Shouldn’t care if I lose her.  My brother’s feelings aside, there’s more important things to worry about, and plenty of other people out there that would take her job.  “I thought...I thought you cared about the boys!”

She skids to a stop and whirls back around.  “I thought you were starting to care about me,” she states.

I shove my hands in my pockets.  “You work for me.  Of course I care...”

“You’re just afraid to admit that you liked dancing with me last night!” She yells.  “You can’t...you can’t just play with people’s emotions like that, Justin!  You’re not that fucking privileged!”

“So what if I liked it!”  I holler back like a crazed maniac.  “I mean fuck, you certainly tried hard enough to make me didn’t you?  Got all...fucking...nice looking in the dress and everything! It’s not my fault!”

Oh, fuck.

She’s silent, smirking slightly as she taps her foot against the ground.  “See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

She’s walking away from me again.

“Wait...wait a fucking minute!”  I have to jog to catch up with her, and I can see various people staring at me now, probably wondering why I’m acting so foolish since we’re up on the VIP level.  The headlines will read “Timberlake, Guru of Wall Street, Chases Woman Across Yankee Stadium.’  “Abbey...”  My hand connects with her shoulder, but she whirls around quickly and shrugs it off.

“I have never, ever told anybody else about Braeden.  The only other people who know about him are my family and the people I grew up with,” she snaps at me.  “And I thought...I thought you’d changed.  I thought that we made a connection, that I could talk to you.  Why are you so damn scared of that? Of letting me in, Justin?  I may not have billions of dollars, but we’re the same kind of people, even if you don’t think so.”

I ball my fists at my sides.  Fuck, I can’t believe this.  I can’t believe she’s analyzing this right now.  It doesn’t make sense.  I haven’t known her all that long, and...she works for me.  Last night was sporadic.  I let my good mood take over, impair my judgement.  I didn’t know any better.  I focused on Abbey, for whatever reason.  I let the goodness I saw in her sink into me.  I let her in.  I’ve never let anybody that close to me, not even Trace, and I’m still so fucking confused as to why I allowed it to happen.  “I have too much going on.”

“That’s a shit excuse, and you know it.  You’re scared of letting somebody get close to you.  I would know, I’m the same way, but at least I can admit that, while you stand here and act like you’re so damn bulletproof.  We both know that isn’t true.”

“I’m not scared!” I yell.

She laughs at me.

“Fine,” I slap my hands down at my sides.  “Fine! I’ll take you to dinner tomorrow night.  Will that prove that I’m not fucking scared?”

“So what does that even mean?  Are you asking me out?”  

I hate her.  I hate that she can just...manipulate me.  Why? Why can she, when nobody else can?  Not even Danielle could do that, and she was a little bit more than just some bitch I was fucking.  “I dont know.  It’s dinner.  It’s whatever you want it to be.”

“Okay.”  She smirks and starts walking back to our VIP Box.

I turn, hold my hands out at my sides.  “What...what the hell?  That’s it?”

She’s laughing again.

This was her plan all along, I’m sure.

Now I’m going to be stuck on the “date” from hell.
***************
Justin has big, firm hands. Protective hands that can make a woman feel comforted.  He smells of aftershave and some kind of clean scented cologne that I was able to breath in when I rested my head against his chest.  When he smiles, the blue color of his eyes seems to grow brighter.  It was nice, him holding me, us dancing.  His body was warm, and I could feel his heart thudding heavily inside his chest.  It meant he was nervous, but I could tell...he didn’t want to let go of me.

I felt so comfortable in his arms, that I allowed myself to tell him something I never thought I would.

And I still don’t know why I did.

I never counted on that, telling him, breaking down, and when I ran out of the ball room, I never expected him to follow me.  I knew he wouldn’t have much to say when he caught up with me of course.  Justin isn’t an emotional person, and I’m sure that has something to do with how he was brought up.  I wouldn’t ask questions about that.  I think talking to him about his parents death was hard enough on him.  It was nice though, to see him smile at me as I cried...tell me that it was okay, that...that I didn’t have to stop loving Braeden even if the rest of the world thought that I should.

When we hugged, that was when I knew how strong our connection was too.

Then...Trace blew the whole thing.  Mr. Trump had decided to grace them with his presence, and even though Justin was going to stay with me at first, I knew how much the meeting meant to him, and I wasn’t about to hold him back.

Now, I wonder what would have happened if Justin blew it off to stay with me.  Would we have left the party? Talked? Connected even more?

I guess I’ll never know, because Trace made sure Justin didn’t make it that far.

I thought I liked Trace at first.  He seemed nice enough, starting from that day on the elevator on out.  Whenever he dropped by the house he always made it a point to say hello to me, like he was no better than I was.  I always thought he was even more down to earth than Justin too.  When he told me I looked amazing in my dress, I even started to hold him to a higher regard.  Then I overheard him after I walked away from Justin.  He called me ‘the help,’ like I was nothing but a piece of shit being paid to babysit his brothers.

I’ll never look at the guy the same way again.  I’ve come to realize just how important social status is to people like him, and it disgusts me.  I feel like...like Justin is trapped inside of some high class bubble, that’s been fogged over just enough where he can’t see the good in the rest of the world.  I know he’s not as stuck up as he tries to act.  The very basis of his benefit told me he’d grown up just like any other kid, that he knew people in the world had problems...

Because he’d lived through some of his own.

I doubt Trace has lived through many problems.  He strikes me as the type of person who went to a fancy college, graduated, and then got a really good job.  He never struggled, he’s always had it easy, and that’s probably why he acts so casual about everything.  Justin is running shit, controlling everything, and all he has to do is sit back and watch his money pour in.  It’s a hard subject to deal with.  I can’t talk to Justin about it, because Trace is his best friend in the world, and I know if I said anything negative, it would probably just blow up in my face.

While the guys went to have their Trump pow wow, I got stuck sitting at the table with Sydney.  It was quiet for awhile.  I stared down at my shoes, and started to think about how much my feet hurt, but how much it was worth it because Justin and I had connected.  Then she decided to speak.

“I’m sorry Justin brought you.  I know you don’t really know how to act.  It’s not your fault.”

I looked at her strangely.  She was twirling the end of her long brown hair around her finger, not bothering to meet my gaze.  “What?”

“Well I saw you.  You like...broke down.  Did Justin make you upset?”

My mouth hung open for a moment, before I could find my voice again.  “I was just...we were just talking.”

“You didn’t like...ask him out or anything right?” she giggled.  “I mean, he’s a little out of your league.”

She disgusted me then, and now...feeling the way I feel about Trace, I know that they’re perfect for each other.  They’re both stuck up idiots who look down on other people.

“Don’t worry.” I flashed her a sarcastic grin.  “I was talking about work with him.  That’s all.”

“Ah.”  She patted my shoulder.  “Good to know.”
 
She didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night.  I was fine with that.

When Justin ignored me though, something hit me hard, right in the chest.  Right where it hurt the most.  It was like nothing had happened between us.  He wasn’t paying attention to me anymore, he was avoiding me like the plague, and I knew it was partially because Trace had said something to him about me.  But the other part of him, that part that wasn’t influenced by his friend, I knew, was terrified that he’d actually started to crack.

That someone had finally begun to understand him, to get close to him.

I threw it all in his face at the Yankees game.  He hated it, but it got him to admit the fact that he actually liked dancing with me...being close to me.  He was so set on getting me to believe that he wasn’t scared of letting me in, that he asked me to dinner...well, sort of.

And so here we are.

“Did Austin get his uniform?” He asks me, as he studies the menu.

Everything is in French.  Everything.  Hell, the staff even speaks French.  I think he did this just to annoy the shit out of me. It’s fucking working.  

“Uh huh.”

He looks up at me, a playful twinkle in his steely blue eyes.  “What’s the matter Abbeee?”

He’s smirking.  He has his little plan.  The plan that reassures him he’s going to push me away by annoying the fuck out of me.  Well, I’m about to beat him at his own game.  “Nothing, I’m just trying to make up my mind.”

“I know you can’t read this shit.”

I roll my eyes.  “Right, and I’m sure you decided to take me here, just to prove some kind of point,” I scoff.

He shrugs, looks down at his menu, and tries to hold in his laughter.

“What is the point anyway?” I speak up.  “That I can’t speak French? That I’m not as good as you and your stupid ass friends?”

He scowls.  “It was a joke, coming here.  I was going to explain the menu to you anyway.  What crawled up your ass?”

“Nothing,” I huff.  “Just...never mind.”

“Bon soir.”

The waiter is here, smiling pleasantly down at us.  I look up at Justin and he’s looking at the waiter seriously.

“Quel est votre meilleur vin?”

I have no idea what he just said, but fuck...fuck I hate that he’s all intellectual.  The fact that his french dialect is mixed with a slight southern accent also makes him even more adorable and I don’t want to think that way about him.

“Ah, Monsieur,” the waiter smiles. “Je recommande la Romanée-Conti . C'est une Bourgogne du sud de la France. Très exquis.”

I stare at the waiter like he has three heads.  Justin is chuckling under his breath.  I hate him...

But I like him even more.

“Excellent,” Justin smirks at the waiter. “Nous allons prendre une bouteille, avec votre meilleur plateau de fromages de commencer.”

“Droit de suite, monsieur.”  The waiter does a little bow, and leaves us.

I stare at Justin, who is smiling at me like he’s accomplished a great task.

“What the hell did you tell him?” I ask, slightly flabbergasted.

“I ordered some wine and cheese,” he says, nonchalantly.

“How many languages do you speak?”  I shake my head a little as I gaze down at the menu again, determined to figure out my selection on my own.

“Six...well seven if you count Latin.  But nobody counts Latin anymore.”

“Jesus,” I sigh.  “I can barely figure out what Lucinda is saying half the time.”

“I have Rosetta Stone at the house.  You can start using it,” he tells me.  “It’s really easy.”

“No I think I’ll stick to English.” I roll my eyes.  “We do live in America, in case you’ve forgotten, oh wise one.”

He chuckles and rolls his eyes.  “I have to know the basic five languages.  Half of our clients are in Europe and Asia.  I’d be lost if I didn’t know what they were saying.  That’s how they get you...you know? Screw you over when you can’t fully understand what they’re saying.”

“Does Trace speak them?” I ask.

“No,” he laughs.  “He’s still trying to get past Spanish.”

“No surprise there.”

“Hey, he’s all right,” Justin nods.  “I can speak enough for the both of us.”

“Yeah.  Lucky for him.”  I roll my eyes.

He cocks his head to the side.  “What’s your issue with Trace?”

“Oh...he just thinks he’s above it all, that’s all.  It’s kind of like how you try to act, but deep down, you’re not really as stuck up as you try to make people think you are.”

He stares at me for a moment.  “Where’s this coming from?”

“I’m not deaf.  I heard what he said at the gala.”

He sighs and rubs his face with his hands.  “So that’s what this is all about?”

I shrug.  “It’s about a lot of things.”

“Look, Trace was in the moment,” he defends.  “It was a big night.”

“It doesn’t give him the right to talk me down like a piece of trash.”

He won’t meet my gaze.  “I didn’t agree with him, okay? You’re more than...just the help.”

“Did you tell him that?”

He’s quiet.  “Does it matter?” He whispers.

I let out a disgusted laugh.  “Typical.”

“Hey, I’m fuckin’ sorry all right?” He says, in a harsh whisper so other people won’t overhear.  “I’m here aren’t I?  With you?  I don’t care what he thinks.”

I just shrug.  “You’re only here to prove some kind of point to me.  Hell, maybe I was wrong for pushing you into this.”

“I wouldn’t be here unless I wanted to be,” he confesses.  “I guess...okay so I was scared.  I might have been scared, I mean.  Now I just...I’m glad you pushed me.  I want to be here, with you.”

I look up at him, shocked.  I don’t get it.  He went from ignoring me, to fighting with me, to..smiling, speaking French, and being completely content in my presence.  “What?”

“That...that night, when we danced, it just...it did something to me,” he says gently.  “I don’t know.  I just...I never really felt that way about anybody before.”

“What way?” I rasp.  Fuck, this is sudden.  Really sudden.  Why is he saying this stuff? I pushed him into this, sure, but only because I knew he was afraid.  Now he’s just talking..so weird.  Like, he has feelings for me.  Real ones.  I’m not ready.

I’m not ready at all.

“I dont know.”  His cheeks turn red and he returns his gaze to the menu.  “I’m terrible at this shit.  I just want to enjoy dinner with you, okay?”

“I..um...” I suck in a breath.  “Yeah.”

The waiter brings us the wine and cheese, Justin rambles something off to him in French, and then he points to me.  “I’ll tell him what you want.”

“I’ll tell him,” I grunt.

Justin holds his hands up, defensively.  “Okay,” he chuckles.  “Be my guest.”

I study the menu hard for a few moments.  Eeny, meenie, miny, mo...  “Um, cervelle de veau,” I pronounce slowly to the waiter.

“No, no,” Justin laughs and waves his hands.  “No, don’t get that.”

“Why not,” I sneer.

“Believe me,” he laughs again, before looking back at the waiter.  “Elle aura le chateaubriand. J'aurai le ragoût de lapin,” he says with a nod.

“Magnifique,” the waiter smiles, collects our menus and goes on his way again.

“Thank you,” I say to him sarcastically.  “It’s nice to have somebody around to make my decisions for me.”

“Hey, I was trying to help you,” he says, still laughing.  “You were about to order calf’s brains.”

“What?” I cough a little and have to take a long sip of wine, the very thought of that sort of food making me feel queasy automatically.  

“I told you,” he smiles.  “You better get on that Rosetta Stone.”

I glare at him as I put my glass down.  “Screw you.”

We pick at at cheese plate, and Justin tells me a little bit about each piece, and what region of France they are from.  He knows a lot about France, but I’m sure he’s been there many times.  It’s actually interesting though, to learn about the different types of food I’m putting into my mouth.  I wish I could be as cultured as he is.  I think it would actually be kind of fun...traveling places, learning about everything.

But I’m not a billionaire.

Our dinners arrive, and our wine glasses are refilled.  Justin smiles at me slightly as he digs into what he tells me is some kind of rabbit stew.  My dish is some kind of beef tenderloin mixed with a white wine sauce.  It’s fucking delicious.  I hate that he got this exactly right.

He always gets everything right...

Well, except when it comes to his family.

A pastry cart comes around for dessert.  We both have cream puffs, laughing when we both go for the exact same one.  He lets me have my pick first, and then he gets his.  We eat the remainder of our dinner in peaceful silence, and when the check comes, Justin puts his credit card in and hands it back to the waiter before leaning forward and smiling at me.  “What next?”

I chuckle.  “I thought we were just having dinner.”

He shrugs.  “Thought it was a date.”

I look down at my lap.  This is...getting to be too much.  Oh god.  I can’t.  “I um...”

“Hang on,” he holds up his finger.  “I think it’s this week...”  He pulls his Blackberry out of his pocket and quickly types something into it.  “Yeah...I thought so.”  He smirks as he puts it back in his pocket.  “There’s a cool street festival going on in Little Italy.  You wanna check it out? I’ve missed it the last two times around.  They usually have some cool art.”

It’s just a street festival.  I mean, we can go there as friends.  I shouldn’t turn him down.  He’s trying.  He’s making an effort and that’s really heathy for him, the boys, and me.  “Yeah, okay,” I say weakly.

He smiles.  “Great.”

We leave the restaurant and Justin hails a taxi.  Within twenty minutes we are down in the heart of Little Italy.  It’s been a while since I’ve been here.  Charlene likes it.  We’ve been down here for brunch a few times, when she could get me out of the apartment anyway.  It’s a much different atmosphere down here tonight though.  The streets are crowded, bands, vendors and street performers are scattered everywhere.  Shop doors are propped open, their interiors welcoming.  

“Cool huh?”r32;

He smiles at me, like he’s having the best time, and I can’t help but return the same type of smile.

I guess...I mean I guess I’m starting to have a lot of fun too.

I don’t even notice that he’s taken my hand until we’re deep into the heart of the festival.  By then, it’s too late for me to pull away, and...and I’m not sure if it’s the best thing, but...I don’t want to pull away from him.  We stand and watch some Italian clowns put on a show in the middle of the street.  At one point, one of them pulls a quarter out of Justin’s ear.  He’s completely unprepared and it gets me to laugh so hard that tears start to pour out of my eyes.

“Yeah, yeah,” he blushes.

“You should have seen the look on your face.  It was cute,” I nudge him, as the little performance ends.

“I was going to be a clown,” he chuckles.  “Just didn’t work out so well for me.  The stock market got to me first.”

“You’d make a good clown,” I say with a silly smirk.  “You already have the curly hair..you’re tall, you have big feet, you know...if you worked on your sense of humor a little more, you’d be set.”

“Nice.  You know, I think I happen to be a very funny guy.”

“Hmph.”  I roll my eyes.  “I think Austin’s jokes are probably funnier than you, and they’re pretty bad.”

“That hurts.”  He holds his chest with his free hand.  “Really, Abbey.”

“Shut up,” I chuckle.

He smiles at me, squeezes my hand tighter as we start to wander through the street vendors.  Justin is really into art, I already knew that.  He points out the different things on display to me, telling me where they come from and what type of significance they hold in Italian culture.  Again, it’s interesting to learn about it all.  It’s like he’s teaching me something.  It’s a side of Justin that is never revealed to anybody else, and he’s sharing it with me.

I feel myself slipping.  Melting away into him.  I find myself hoping that the night will slow down, because I don’t want it to end.  I don’t want tomorrow to come, to face the prospect that Justin probably won’t be like this with me after tonight.

Justin buys a couple of small things for himself, and a few little Italian toys for the boys.  One in particular is especially for Austin, and I’m glad that Justin thought of him tonight.  

“He’s always asking me for skeletons,” he smirks as he holds the little figure in his hands.  “Hopefully he’ll like it.”

“I think he will,”  I say gently.

We’ve reached the end of the marketplace.  It comes out onto a pier.  The moon is shining down on the water, making it glisten magically.  “It’s nice tonight,” I whisper.

“Yeah, it did turn out nice,” he agrees.  

We take a seat on a bench overlooking the water.  He doesn’t say anything for awhile as we gaze out, and neither do it.  It’s peaceful, doing this, just like it was peaceful being with him that morning in the park.  I realize...it’s the two of us that makes our moments peaceful.  We don’t need to say much sometimes.  We can just...be, and have a nice time.

It was the same way with Braeden.

But...Justin isn’t Braeden.  Justin is...Justin and for the first time I can look at him and say that...that I might just like him a whole hell of a lot.  The guilt isn’t with me so much now.  It’s like something is telling me it’s okay, that I can let go, that I’ll be fine and Braeden will be at peace no matter what I do.

“Did you have fun?” He asks me after a while.

“Yeah,” I nod with a small smile.  “You know a lot of useless shit, but it was interesting.  I’d never bother to look into France or Italian art on my own.”

He shrugs and laughs.  “Yeah I just...before the boys came I was on my own mostly when I wasn’t at work.  Sometimes my friends would come to the house, but on the weekend I would go to museums and art festivals.  It took my mind off of things that I couldn’t talk to anybody else about.”

I know he means his parents, not talking to them, leaving them behind to come out here. I can’t imagine that pain he deals with...not having been able to say goodbye to them before they passed away. “Do you miss them?” I whisper.

He sucks in his bottom lip and continues to stare out at the ocean.  “You have no idea how much.”

I feel my eyes fill with tears, and I quickly sniff them back.  “I think I might have an idea.”

He looks at me finally.  I see the tears on his face.  It’s a first, but I won’t point it out to him.  “Justin...”

He reaches out and touches my face.  “S-sorry,” he says, sniffling.  “I’m...I shouldn’t be doing this.”

I just shake my head.  “You can.  You should.”

Then he’s leaning in, and I’m closing my eyes.  I feel his lips crash into mine seconds later.  It’s a kiss that’s so deep, so strong, like he’s doing it with every emotion in his whole body.  I don’t stop him.  I let him break the kiss, and then I open my eyes, covering my mouth with my hand.

“Abbey I...I’m sorry.”

His eyes are wide now, like he doesn’t know what the hell just happened.  Fuck I don’t know either.  “Why’d you do that?” I whisper.

He licks his lips.  “Because I...because I care about you,” he confesses.

I can’t say anything.  If I do, I’ll probably break down.  I feel the tears on my face, and don’t bother wiping them away, before I pull him close to me, and kiss him back, slowly, gently.

We don’t stop.

Trace wasn’t invited to golf with Trump.  I’m still not exactly sure why.  When Cheryl called to confirm the tee time, she came into my office afterward and told me that Trump’s assistant said that Trace wasn’t to attend.  I had to let him down gently, because I knew he wouldn’t take it well.

“It’s probably just a formality,” I reassured him.  “You know, I’m the CEO of my company and he’s the CEO of his.  He wants to get a feel for me.”

“He hates me,” Trace groaned, and put his head in his hands.  “Was it my suit? It must have been my suit...”r32;

r32;“Trace, man, get a hold of yourself.” I laughed at him.  For the first time all day, our friendship seemed to be back to normal.  Our argument earlier in the day about Abbey had caused us to ignore each other, and I couldn’t fucking stand it.  He was my best friend, yeah, but he was so much more than that at the same time.  He’d taken me under his wing, made sure I learned to be civilized...that I could read, that I got my GED, and when he was offered a job at NASDAQ he made sure I was able to get one as well.  That’s how I got started, got recognized.  It’s how I became a Wall Street legend in the eyes of others.  He’s supported me since the day we met, and I can’t remember a time before Abbey came along that we ever seriously argued about anything.

He’s just stressed.  The sudden change to my lifestyle with the boys is something he never expected.  That’s what I keep telling myself, anyway.

Anything else, would probably piss me off too much.

And I’m going to do whatever I can to make this weekend work.  I knew the moment Trace brought up Southhampton, that it was going to involve getting him and Abbey in the same house, and I knew it was something she probably wouldn’t want.  But I want to spend that time away with her.  I want to get closer to her, and to the boys, and staying at my beach house is the perfect way to do it.  There’s not as many distractions there.  I’ll forward my calls for the weekend, and just take my conference on Monday morning while the boys are still in bed.  It’ll be good for us, even if Trace and Abbey can’t stand each other.  We’re adults right? Surely, they can learn to get along for the sake of the kids and have a good time?

I think once Trace realizes just how much I’m starting to care about Abbey his attitude will change.  Right now, I don’t think he trusts her just because she works for me.  I can’t lie, most women in Abbey’s situation would take advantage...use me for their own personal gain.  Not her though.  Abbey is...pure, and she’s lost so much in her life, just like me.  She sacrifices herself now for the boys happiness.  I don’t think she could ever hurt anybody, and what’s more...she gets me, deep down where nobody else can.

I love touching her, kissing her, taking her all in when we’re in bed together.  She’s the perfect lover.  No other woman has been able to captivate me in the bedroom quite like she has.  Her body is angelic.  The way it curves, the way every freckle is in the most perfect, kissable location, is sexy as hell.  The way she says my name, like she needs me, like she never wants to let me go, makes my mind spin, makes me take her over and over again until the sun rises.

I’m pretty tired today.

But I’m sucking it up for Mr. Trump, because as much as I don’t act like it, this is the biggest deal of my career.  Trace’s career too, even though he can’t be here.  I gave him a pretty big work list to get his mind off his anger though.  I hope it works.

“What’s your handicap son?”

My caddy lowers my bag of clubs, and hands me the one he thinks I could use best at this particular junction of the game.  We’re six holes in right now.

Mr. Trump is kicking my ass.

“Six.” I say, as I step up to the tee and take a few practice swings.

“That’s pretty good,” I hear him chuckle.  “Not on top of your game today?”

I try not to tense up.  I know he’s doing this to see what type of guy I really am, if I crack under pressure or not.  “It’s just the beginning.”  I look back over my shoulder and flash him a cocky smile.  “I’m getting warmed up.”

“Ah, yes,” he laughs.

He knows I’m full of shit.

I whack the ball.  It sails through the air, and I slip on my special golf ball glasses to ensure I don’t lose sight of it.  

It lands in the water.

Trump is laughing as I stand here, shoulders slumped in defeat.  There goes the fucking game, the day, and probably any chance I had of partnering with this legend of finance.  Trace will kill me, spend an hour saying ‘how could you fuck this up for us’, and I’ll just sit there and take it, knowing I’m a fucking failure.

“Don’t feel bad about it, son,” he pats my back as he puts his own ball down on the tee.  “Everybody has an off day.  You probably think I’m going to tell you the deal is off though,” he smirks.  “Am I right?”

I shrug as I pull off my gloves and stick them in my back pocket.  “If my game is going this crappy, you must not think too highly of my business sense.”r32;

“It’s just a game,” he smirks.  “Something for us to do, away from the office.  I wanted to get you away from your staff so I could talk to you, one on one.”

He hits the ball.  I’m sure it landed on the green.  “So that’s why you didn’t want Trace around?” I chuckle, knowing it’s bold, but not caring.  I want an answer, and I hate to play games.

I mean, if he has doubts about my business partner, I just dont’ see how this relationship is going to work.

“Mr. Ayala, yes,” he nods, and presses his lips together.  “How long have you worked together, Justin?”

I shrug.  “About seven years now.”

“Do you trust him?”

It’s a fair question.  One that I’m sure he asks a lot of people that he’s about to partner up with.  “Yeah, of course,” I nod.  “He’s...he’s been there through it all, you know?”

“Mr. Timberlake, I’m not sure if I should be the one telling you this,” he sighs, as we walk along to find our balls.  “But I feel like I must, because you seem absolutely clueless about the situation.”

I stop, dead in my tracks, and stare at him.  “What do you mean?”

“Did you know, that Mr. Ayala used to work for Merrill Lynch?”

“N-no...” I shake my head.  “How is that possible?”

“He was very young.  Twenty.  I don’t think you were around then.”

Trace was twenty one when we met, and I had just turned nineteen.  He said he’d been laid off, and was trying to find work, but in the meantime, he would help me any way he could.  He sacrificed himself.  I’d be nothing without him.  “I met him when he was twenty one.  He’s two years older than me.”

“He became involved with a shady associate in the firm,” he tells me, quietly.  “I’m assuming that he was trying to move up the ladder faster than he should have been.  Together, they embezzled over three million dollars.  The only reason he’s not in prison, is because he testified against the other idiot, and was granted immunity.  Now, I’ll ask you again...do you trust him?”

I just stand here, dazed, staring at the man.  I have no words, nothing to say.  I mean, Trace kept it from me, the whole thing.  That's really terrible becasue he’s half of the fucking firm, and most of the time, especially lately, I’ve been leaving him to run a lot of the day to day business without me.  I’ll stay in the office and watch the stocks, deal with a lot of the international clients by phone.  He doesn’t complain.  He loves it, being in charge, and I know that.  But now...I mean...

Jesus.

What if...

No. No, no.  He wouldn’t.  He wouldn’t screw me.  Not after all the hard work we’ve done to get this far.  Why would he? He’s rich, richer than he could have ever imagined.  

But having money, can make your greedier than ever.  I would know.  I’ve been acting like an asshole ever since i gained power here in the city.  I’m only snapping out of it now because...I have somebody that’s showing me a better way to live my life.  But Trace, he’s set in his ways.  He cares about money...everything else comes second in his life.  I hate to admit that, but I know it’s true.

 I know i've been acting just like him, up til now.

“Mr. Trump,” I suck in a long breath after I say it.  “People can change.”

He shrugs.  “I’m not one for second chances.  Especially when it comes to my business and my money.  Justin, I like you.  You have a great mind, and I can tell that just by talking with you.  I think we could do amazing things in the business world, make more profit that you’ve probably ever thought possible.  But...I’m sorry to say, I want nothing to do with your business if it involves Mr. Ayala.”

I rub my forehead.  Fucking Christ.  I don’t know what to do.

“Why don’t you think about it?” He bends down as we approach the spot that his ball landed and picks it up.  “Take the rest of the week to mull it over. Perhaps have a meeting with your partners, look into your companies finances and see if anything out of the ordinary has been going on with the numbers.”r32;

I just nod.  I think I’m still too much in shock to say anything else to him.

“I need an answer by Tuesday,” he tells me softly.  “Or...the deal will have to be cut off.  If you want my advice, I would fire him as soon as possible.  I’ve been in this business long enough to know, that if somebody will embezzle once, they’ll do it again.  They’re a crafty sort...these kind of people.  Don’t put yourself at risk.  You could lose everything.”

He tees off, as if our conversation hasn’t phased him in the least.

Fuck, he basically just told me to either fire my best friend, or lose the biggest deal of my career.  I can’t...how can he expect me to do it?

I guess it’s called being a business man.  I should snap out of it, remember who I am and how much power I have.  Trace is my business partner sure, but I’m still his boss. It’s my duty to keep a watchful eye over him, make sure everything he’s doing is the right thing.  I think I’ve gotten out of that mentality when it comes to him.  He has free reign of the office.  My other partners, I work them like dogs, and while we get along famously in the office, at the end of the day they aren't my friends.  Sometimes I’ll let them come to my place for dinner, or i'll treat them all to drinks at the bar, and they like that, but it’s always a formality.  They’re always kissing my ass, complimenting me, so I’ll give them bigger bonuses.  Trace is the only one there who is there for me and me alone.

At least I thought so, up until now.

I think I’m going to be sick.

“I...I need the restroom,” I tell him softly.

He looks over his shoulder, and gives me a sad, knowing smile.  “Sure, son.”

The toilet water whooshes and swirls in my face as the bile from my stomach disappears from my view.  I lean against the wooden stall wall, taking deep, even breaths, just like my self help tape tells me to do.  It’s not helping, just like it didn’t help that time I went to take the boys away.  

My phone begins to ring, and when I look at the name and number flashing across the screen, the only thing I want to do is ignore it.

But I can’t.

“Hey, guess what.”

Trace sounds excited, and I know I can’t let him sense my anxiety over the phone, so I sit up a little and take a long breath before saying: “What’s up?”

“Oil skyrocketed this morning.  Three hundred dollars a share.  We just profited about seven million.  Hello new yacht!”

“That’s...great,” I say, knowing that it doesn’t sound convincing at all.

“Justin,” he laughs.  “Did you hear what I said?”

“Yeah.  I just...I’m not in the best place to talk right now.”

“How’s the game?”

“I’m losing,” I mutter.  I really feel like saying, ‘we didn’t finish, we were too busy talking about how fuckin’ shady you are,’ but I won’t.  I can’t.  

“Well how’s he acting? Is he gonna partner with us?”

“I dunno.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks me, his voice a little soft, and full of concern.  “You sound like you just got sick.”

“I gotta go.”

I can’t talk to him.  I can’t.  I’m getting angry and...I can’t right now.  

“What? Justin...”

I hang up, put my head in my hands, groan loudly into them.  For the first time ever in my career, I’m so fucking lost.  I couldn’t make a business decision today if my life depended on it, and that’s very bad.  It’s why Trump is giving me time.  He wants me to sort shit out.

I have to sort shit out.

I should cancel this weekend.

But then I think about Abbey and how I’m sure she’s psyched the boys up for the trip, and I know I can’t back down.  She wouldn’t forgive me, and since neither she or the boys have anything to do with business, I won’t disappoint them.  They don’t deserve to be let down by me anymore.  Hell, maybe I can confront Trace this weekend.  I can get him away from everybody, talk to him in seclusion, and ask him to tell me the truth.

He wont’ have a choice.

Because if he refuses...

I know I’ll have to let him go.
************
“Hey,” Abbey chuckles, sticking her face close to mine as I stare at my menu in a zombie like state.  “Sourpuss? What’s going on with you?”

I snap out of it.  It’s not fair to her, I mean...I brought her out to this great restaurant that she’s actually enjoying.  It has lots of perks like...an English speaking waitstaff, and dishes that don’t include the brains of various animals.  I sat at the computer all afternoon after I got back from golf and made sure I found the perfect place to take her.  I barricaded myself in my office in order to do it, told Cheryl that she better make sure i was left alone for the afternoon.

I shut Trace out.  He tried to talk to me as I walked down the hall to my office.  I blew him off, told him I had things I had to get done before I left for the day.

He’s pissed.  He called my office extension and called me a fucking asshole because Cheryl wouldn't allow him past her desk.

But I still couldn’t tell him why I was shutting him out.

I’m not ready.

I still haven’t been able to take it all in, what I’ve been told.

“I looked this place up online,” I say to her, quickly changing the subject.  “I think the chicken parm is supposed to be the best in New York City.”

She leans over her menu and rolls her eyes.  “I don’t care about chicken parm, and neither do you.  Cut the bullshit, Justin.”

She’s staring stubbornly into my eyes, being able to read every emotion on my face.  I hate that so much, that she can just...dig into me.  But I love it at the same time.  Do I love her? I don’t know about all that.  I doubt I could ever really love somebody because...because when that happens, you almost always get hurt.  Abbey knows that too...

The love of her life is dead.

I care about the girl though.  A lot.  I’m not about to deny that.

“Rough day,” I mutter.

“Okay...explain...”

“It’s business.”  I look down at my menu sternly.  “It’s nothing you need to be concerned about.”r32;

“Right.  I’m just some dumb broad.”

I sigh, roll my eyes and drum my fingers on top of the table.  “Who said that? I’m not at work right now.  I don’t want to discuss work if I’m not there, especially when you’re here...” I trail off, look up at her.  Her expression is softer now.  She’s beginning to understand.  “I had to bribe Lucinda to watch the kids tonight.  You know she’s not the biggest fan of babysitting.  I wanted to spend the night here with you, without interruptions.”

Abbey nods a little bit.  “I’m sorry.”

“No,” I shake my head roughly.  “I...I know you care.  I just...I just don’t see the point in burdening you with things that you have no part in.”

“Are you ready to order?”

The waitress is hovering over us now, smiling, awaiting our requests.

“Ooo I got this,” Abbey snickers and wiggles around excitedly in her chair.  “I can do it this time!”

I eye her playfully and stick my tongue out at her.  The waitress probably thinks we’re a couple of freaks, but I could care less.  

“I’ll have the chicken parm,” she giggles at me.  “I heard it’s the best in New York.”
 
I scoff a little, shake my head, but at the same time...I can feel the tension that’s been building up inside of me all day, start to die down.  She’s making the situation better, and hell..maybe I’ll be able to tell her about it later, tonight...when we’re in bed.

If she lets me get her in bed, anyway.

One never knows with Abbey, and Abbey will always get her way while she’s with me.

I order chicken fricassee, and once the waitress leaves, Abbey asks me if it’s the best in New York.  I dug myself a deep whole with that one, but I’d rather be joking with her.  If I wasn’t, I’d be miserable, and I can’t afford to be.  We talk and joke all the way through dinner and dessert, and by the time I pay the bill I’ve almost forgotten why I was upset at all.

But then it hits me again, so damn fast, once we leave the restaurant.

I go to the edge of the sidewalk and hold my hand out for a taxi, but Abbey pulls my hand back down, and laces her fingers through mine.

“Wait,” she says softly.  “We’re not that far, and...it’s a nice night.  Let’s walk.”

I haven’t walked back to my place in years.  Not since I was illiterate and broke.  The more I think about it though, the more nice it sounds...walking through the city with her tonight, no kids...no disturbances.  I smile, bend down to kiss her lips.  “Yeah, okay.”

We walk the city blocks back to my penthouse, hand in hand.  She asks me all different things about my life.  What part of Tennessee I grew up in, what my parents were like.  I tell her more about Tennessee than I do about my parents.  I’m not ready to dwell on them tonight, and when she doesn’t push me, I know she understands that I’m still not ready.  I change the subject to her, ask her about her family and about Colorado.  She’s a lot more willing to tell me about them.  Her mother is a school teacher and her dad sells cars.  She has one younger sister that’s still in high school.  They’re an average middle class American family, and from what I can tell, she is very close with her parents.

It’s probably why she’s so good with the boys.  She was brought up the right way.  I’m happy for her.  She deserves the best family, the best of everything.

“Justin,” she says, once we’re about a block away from my place.  “I hate to bug you about this but...”

I stop, turn to her and gently run my fingers through her hair.  “Ask me anything,” I say, knowing that the conversation could go a lot of different ways, but I’ll handle it.  I never want to say no to her again.

“I just...I was hoping next week, that you would come to Austin’s game.  I know you’ll have to leave work early but...he was talking to me about it the other day.  He really wants you there.  It would mean a lot to him, and to me.”

Shit, she just has to put it to me that way.  I mean, she knows how hard it is for me to leave work early.  I have so much to do, and now that all this shit is coming out about Trace, I have no idea what state the firm will be in by next week.  “I’ll be there.” I say it so fast, without thinking.

I’m such an idiot...so blinded by my feelings for her that I can’t back down from anything now.

“You...you will?” She smiles.  “Justin, really?”

I shrug.  “If it’s important I’ll be there.”

She squeals a little and jumps up, wrapping her arms around me tightly.  I laugh, and return her embrace, bending backward so I can lift her off the ground and swing her around a couple of times.  She hugs and kisses me so hard, there are tears in her eyes. It’s as if everything in her world is right, and that...that makes me the happiest man in New York City.

Now if I could just figure out what the fuck I’m going to do about my best friend, maybe my life would make sense again.

“Boys!”

I cram some more of Davey’s stuff into his suitcase.  It’s been a headache, getting them ready for this trip.  It’s their first one since they’ve been here, and they’re both so excited that they haven’t been able to tell me what they want to bring versus what they don’t.

I feel like I’m they’re damn mother.

Fuck, I’m as good as.

It’s okay though.  It’s working out, for everybody involved.  Me being here gives the boys the stability they’ve been seeking since their parents passed away.  Each day, Davey is starting to speak up more and more.   Soon, we’ll need to start looking into schools for him.  Francine says that we may want to look into a special school for children like him.

I talked to Justin about it.  Naturally, he wouldn’t hear of it.

“He’s not stupid,” he huffed last night after I put the boys down.  “He’s been through something, but he’s coming out of it now.  He can go to school like every other kid.”r32;

“We all know he’s not stupid,” I rolled my eyes as I began to pick up some micro machines from the floor, left behind by the boys earlier in the evening.  “It’s just that...he’s been through a lot.  Sticking him in a regular school right now could be bad for him.  He needs to take slow steps, you know? Be around people who understand him.”

“How is that supposed to make him stronger as a person?” Justin said, following me as I walked into the kitchen.  “If we baby him his whole damn life, he’ll be weak when he gets older.  He won’t be able to fight his own battles.”

I dumped the toys into a small bin I kept handy underneath the sink, and turned back to him.  Justin was leaning against the kitchen island, his arms crossed, his gaze defiant.  He didn’t want to budge, but neither did I.  “I think Francine would know what’s best at this junction,” I informed him.  “Come on Justin, I know this isn’t about him being weak.  It’s about taking a blow to your damn ego.”

“What? Come on!”

“It’s true!” I yelled at him.  “You just can’t stand the fact that your little brother isn’t as perfect as you’d like him to be.  It’s the same way with Austin, only...he can talk, so you just demean him to the core when he breathes the wrong way!”

It was silent after that.  I wasn’t surprised.  I’d proved my case, and he was quickly realizing it.  He knew he was making Davey’s issues about himself, that he was slipping back into the ego maniac I’d met that first day at my job interview.  

“Abbey...” he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.  “I just...I just want the best for them.  I want them to have...what I couldn’t have when I was their age.”

I stared at him long and hard.  I knew his feelings were stemming from someplace deep inside of him, that he still hadn’t revealed to me completely.  What Justin didn’t realize though, was that the boys didn’t care about the things he could give them.  They just wanted him to love them, to give them every part of him.  He was doing that with me, giving himself to me.  He seemed to have an easy time with it actually...especially in the bedroom.  But the boys...sometimes, when I would think he was on the brink of a breakthrough with either of them, he would retreat back into himself, frightened of the bond they’d began to form.  I didn’t understand.  “They don’t care about the material shit,” I huffed.  “They...”

“It’s not about material shit,” he grunted, cutting me off.  “It’s about them being civilized, acting like fucking human beings instead of transients.  I want them to be normal.”

Normal, as in the perfect representations of himself.  Perfect little Justin droids who had no personality.  The idea disgusted me.

I realized it was the first time in a great while that we were having a serious argument.

I wanted to stop, because I hated being angry with him, but my feelings about the subject were so strong, I couldn’t do it.  “Davey needs special education,” I told him, bluntly.  “I’m sorry Justin.  I am.  I’m sorry your parents were killed and that he was in the car with them.  I know it puts such a damper on your fucking agenda, having to live with his issues.  If you want, I’ll make sure to keep the situation on the down low.  Wouldn’t want you to be fucking embarrassed.”

He gave me a dark look.  “I have enough shit to deal with, without you shoving this in my face, Abbey.”

“It’s my job to shove it in your face,” I grunted.  “Or did you forget that, because you’ve been too busy trying to get me in bed?”

He wouldn’t look at me for a moment, and when he finally did, the most he could seem to do was glare at me and stomp off to his bedroom without another word.  It was asshole Justin at his finest, and I was fuming.  I wanted to burst into his bedroom and call him every vulgar name under the sun...

But at the same time, I knew there was more behind his emotions, so I decided to let him cool off.

He’d been acting strange since the day he played golf with Donald Trump.  I wasn’t sure why.  I asked him if the deal fell through the day after he played, figuring he’d be more up to discussing it with me.  He told me that it hadn’t, but he wasn’t exactly sure what was going to happen.  His eyes were filled with sadness when he told me that.

He was hiding something.

But I wouldn’t pressure him to tell me.  It wasn’t my place.  It was business and while I berated him for telling me that exact same thing at dinner the previous evening, I knew I really had no place discussing his work with him.  I wasn’t there every day, I didn’t know what it took to run a billion dollar corporation, so...I figured it was better to leave well enough alone.  Justin was brilliant, and I knew he would be able to solve his work issues without my help.

But now it’s Friday, and he hasn’t seemed to cheer up much at all, despite the fact that we’re leaving soon.  He just walked through the door a short while ago, on time, as promised.  When I said hello, he only forced a smile for me, and got right on his cell phone. I just don’t know what to make of his mood.  Are we even going to have a good time this weekend? Or is he just going to make my time and the boys time a living hell?

I’d set him straight in the car, but unfortunately, we’ll have company.  The kind of company that will make me slip my headphones on and stare out the window until we arrive at our destination.

I loathe the fact that Trace and his bitch girlfriend will be in close proximity to me for almost four full days.  I tried to get out of it, tried to tell Justin I wanted no part of it.  But then he handed me that song and dance of ‘oh, I want to spend time with you.’  It melted me at the core, and when he mentioned the boys...how he wanted to bond with them as well, I was done for.  It was so sweet, hearing him say that.  I couldn’t back down.  I knew I had to suck it up.  It was a real chance for the four of us to become something...more.  For Justin to open up to me completely, for the boys to be able to look up to him like they never had before.

Backing out of it, would have been a crime.

“Boys!” I yell again.

This time they come running in.  Davey’s lips are smeared with chocolate, and I frown.  He’s been in the cookie jar again, when I told him he wasn’t allowed anymore before dinner tonight.   “I told you no more, Davey,” I say with my hands on my hips.

“I just...I just wanted one more,” he explains bowing his head low.

How the hell can I be mad at him now?  

“Abbey I can’t find my iPod,” Austin groans.  “Did you see it?”

“You mean this?” I pull the thing out of my pocket and toss it on the bed.  “You left it in the bathroom yesterday,” I huff.  

“Sorry,” he says it softly, and takes it back.  

“Hey.”

Justin knocks on the side of the doorframe, and smirks a little as he begins to remove his tie.  “You guys almost ready? I’m going to change real fast and then we can go.  Quincy is waiting out front.  Abbey, those are my bags by the door right?”

I slam the last of the boys’ suitcases closed and zip it harshly.  “We’re ready,” I grunt.  “And yes, those are your bags.”

He cocks his head a little, confused.  “You...okay?” He chuckles.

“Austin, take Davey and go down to the car,” I say, ignoring Justin’s question.  “Go on, Quincy will be there waiting.”

Austin looks to me, then to Justin, and back to me once more before nodding a little, and dragging Davey out of the room by the hand.  I’m sure he can sense how annoyed I am tonight, and while I hate to bring that kind of an attitude around the boys, I just can’t help myself.  Between Justin’s mood, trying to prepare the boys, and knowing I’m going to have to be as nice as I can to Trace Ayala, I just don’t have it in me to calm down at this point.  

“Hey, what’s up.”  Justin steps into the room, the concern apparent on his face for the first time in days.  I think he’s only just realizing how stressed out I am.  His mind has been in another place for entirely too long.

“Nothing, I just want to get moving.”  I grab the boys suitcases and haul them off the bed.  “Go on, get changed.”

He stands in front of me and crosses his arms.  I roll my eyes.  “Move, Justin.”

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong with you,” he says quietly, and yanks the suitcases out of my hands, tossing them behind me on the bed.  

“You’ve just...you’ve just been in the crappiest mood since Wednesday!” I shout at him.  “I mean I know...I know we had a nice dinner and a nice walk but half the time I felt like you weren’t even there with me.  Now, you won’t talk to me, you won’t tell me anything.  The fucking phone has been shoved in your ear at all times! What the hell happened? I thought...I thought things were getting better.”

Damn, that felt good.

He stares at me, and then looks down at the ground, letting out a harsh sigh.  “I told you, it’s just business.”

“It’s affecting you here at home, so it must be something bigger than that,” I point out, with a strong, angry glare.  “You can’t fool me, Justin.  Not anymore.”

He looks off in the opposite direction and shakes his head.  “And if I tell you, then what? What’s it going to solve?  Not the issue, I can tell you that much.”

“Oh yeah,” I scoff.  “And hiding your issue from the world is a much better plan.  Just forget it, all right? I’m fucking sorry that I care.”

I start towards the bed, to retrieve the suitcases that have been strewn across it, but then he grabs me by the upper arm and gently pulls me back over to him.  I tug away harshly.  “Don’t,” I mutter.

“Look it’s...,” he pauses, sighs and looks down for a moment before returning his gaze to me.  “There’s an issue at work.  A big issue, with money.”

I just stare at him.  “Did the market crash or something?”

He chuckles.  “No, but if it had, I’d probably be taking it a lot better than this.”

He’s not angry. He just seems very...let down, as if somebody has ripped his heart out and stomped all over it.  I know it’s not me.  I mean, I’m still here, trying to help him through his problems.  But if it’s not me, then who?  “What happened?”

“You can’t say anything, to anyone,” he says softly, as he touches my face lightly.  “We’re still trying to figure out exactly what’s going on.”

I shake my head.  “No, I won’t say anything.”

“It’s...it’s Trace,” he says, his voice beginning to quiver.  “I had a meeting with my accounting team yesterday morning.  I never, I never checked into his accounts, you know? I never had to.  But I was tipped off, so I decided to have them run some reports on them.  Abbey....there’s almost a million dollars unaccounted for.  That money belongs to our investors.  I...I don’t know what I’m gonna fucking do.  I know how Trace is.  He’s too smart to make a mistake like that, so the only thing I can figure...is that he’s been skimming.”

His shoulders sag in defeat and he covers his face with his hands.  Jesus...I...I had no idea. I mean, this is huge.  I may not like Trace, at all, but I know how much his friendship means to Justin, and now he feels like Trace has deceived him in the worst way he possibly could.  “How can you find out for sure if it was him?” I whisper, rubbing my hands up and down his back as I pull him close to me.  

“I talked to the FBI today,” he whimpers.  “They have to do an investigation.  Trace doesn’t know.  He thinks everything is fine so...I need you to be with me this weekend, and try to act like everything is normal.”

“You mean he’s still coming?” I scoff.  “Jesus Justin!”

“What can I do!” He exclaims.  “He’ll know something is up otherwise.  They told me that he could flee the country if he catches on...fuck...”  He shakes his head again, like he can’t believe what he’s saying.  “How could I be this stupid? How could I not see it?”

“It’s not your fault,” I tell him, sternly.  “Justin, he’s your partner.  You trusted him, and...and you never know, it might be somebody else...”

“He’s been in trouble before.  I just didn’t know it,” he blurts out.  “He was granted immunity because he testified.  I found that out.  He...he and some other guy took like three million dollars from Merrill Lynch awhile back.”

“Why would he need to steal though?” I ask.  “He has money.”

Justin becomes very silent, as if he’s thinking about it very hard.  “I...I don’t know.  I’ve thought about that.  He could have some problem that I don’t know about...gambling or drugs, although I think I would know if it were drugs.  I just didn’t pay enough attention.  I hole myself up in my office most of the time, I let Trace supervise most of the operational aspects of the business.  I thought it was working out, and now...now I’m going to look like a fucking fool.”

“I’m sure if you just explain the situation, the investors will understand,” I say, sympathetically.

“No.”  He tugs away from me harshly and lets out a long, miserable sigh.  “They won’t understand.  Goldman Sachs...we’re supposed to be the most reputable investment firm in the world.  Our clients get pissed if they lose a thousand dollars through us, and now they’ve lost a million? Our good name...everything I’ve killed myself to change about the way the company works, is going to go right down the drain, and there’s nothing I can fucking do.  Nothing.  Even if I pay them all back out of pocket, they’ll never trust us again.”

I don’t know what to say.  One, he knows this business better than I ever will, and two, there’s nothing I can say or do that can fix what’s happening.  I feel terrible about that, and even worse that I got angry at him for not wanting to tell me.  Now that I know...I wish I didn’t.  The weekend has just turned into a horror show for the both of us, and I have no idea how we’re going to go about it normally.  “Justin...”r32;

“I’m gonna change,” he says, his voice full of misery.  “Just...meet me at the car.”

I let him walk away, staring at the empty open doorway for several minutes after he’s left me alone.  I try to think of the best thing I can do at this point, to make the situation any better.  I guess the only thing I can do is smile, hold my head high, and try to keep the boys and Justin isolated from Trace and Sydney whenever I can.

Yeah, because that’s going to be real easy.

I feel more pressure on my shoulders now more than ever, as I get into the elevator with the last of the suitcases, and make my way downstairs.  Frank, the doorman, greets me and wishes me a fun weekend in Southhampton.  I really like him.  He always knows what’s going on here, always makes small talk with the boys, especially Davey even though he doesn’t talk back. I make it a point to be pleasant and tell him to have a good weekend as well.  I pause right before I reach the limousine, knowing that Trace and Sydney must be inside of it by now.  Justin told me earlier today that they were meeting us here.  I have to turn my fake side on.  It’s hard to do...because I’m not a fake person.  

But I’ll do it for Justin.

Because now more than ever I realize that I’ve fallen in love with him.

“Miss Abbey,” Quincy smiles and takes the bags for me after he opens the door.  “Ready for some fun in the sun?”

I laugh a little.  “Lying on a sandy beach sounds great compared to cleaning up the kids toys.”

“Then you make sure you do that.”  He winks and smiles as he leans in a little closer to me.  “And you two behave yourself, if ya know what I mean.”

I stare at him, feeling my cheeks begin to burn.  

Obviously, he can tell something is going on between myself and his employer.

“Quince...”

“Ah, I gotta get the bags in the trunk.”  He says quickly, and motions me to get inside the limo. 

I just shake my head, knowing it’s a cop out, but given the circumstances of things, I know it’s better if I just do as I’m asked for now.  So I get in the car.  The door closes behind me.  I take a seat next to the boys, and glance out the window for a moment, before looking straight across the limo.

“Yeah, what? No...no I said I wanted a hundred shares...yeah, get it right you idiot...I’m not paying you to sit around with your thumb in your ass...”

Trace is on the phone.  I feel a wave of nausea sweep over me.  My gaze lands on Sydney next.  She’s snapping her gum and flipping through her issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine, large, gaudy sunglasses resting over her eyes, one arm draped over her daughter who is fast asleep at her side.  She doesn’t have a care in the fucking world as she sits next to her felon of a boyfriend.  She’s a pampered spoiled princess, and as long as she’s getting what she wants, I’m sure she doesn’t care about where the money is even coming from.

I wonder if she has any clue what’s going on.  If Trace would tell her what he’s doing.

“Abbey can we make a sandcastle?”

I turn to Davey.  He’s smiling just a little bit.  I reach out and run my fingers through his soft brown hair.  “Sure, anything you want.”  I smile, but it’s not forced.  Not for him.

“Can Justin help?”

I kiss his forehead.  “I’m sure he can.  Make sure you ask him though, okay?”r32;

He smiles a little wider.  “Okay.”

“Abbey, I want some fruit snacks.”

Austin takes my attention next.  “Coming up.”  I pull my backpack onto my lap and begin to dig through it.

“I want some too,” Davey says.

I just chuckle a little bit.  Shit, at least they’re keeping my mind off of the situation for the time being.  I dig and dig through my bag, find at least a dozen different toys and games that wouldn’t fit into the suitcases, but I don’t find my emergency snack pack.  I groan, knowing I probably left it on the kitchen counter.  Damn it, it took me two hours to balance out all the food categories in that thing too.  “Guys, I think that...”

“Hey.”  r32;

The limousine door has been opened again, and Justin is getting inside now, taking the last available seat right next to me.  He throws a plastic ziplock bag filled with snacks down into my open backpack and smirks a little.  “You forget that?”

“I...”  I stare down at the ziplock bag for several moments, before looking back up at him, my mouth hanging open slightly.  I’m shocked that he would have even taken the time to notice the stupid thing, or realize it was something that I needed for the weekend.  “How’d you know?”r32;

He leans in, without thinking, and kisses me gently on the lips.  “Because I know you.”

Everybody is staring at us.  Hell, Trace has even gotten off his phone call, due to that little move.

But Justin doesn’t get embarrassed, doesn’t pull away from me or act like he’s done anything different from what he normally does around me.  He remains completely calm,   drapes an arm around me, smiles at his “friends,” and then digs his blackberry out of his pocket with his free hand, beginning to focus on it’s screen rather than everybody else in the limo.

I glance at the boys.

Davey is giggling, his eyes bright and full of joy.

Austin looks like he doesn’t know what the hell to do with himself, and I feel like I’m going to get hit with the repercussions of this from him the next time we are alone.

But I won’t focus on that now.

Trace is staring at me as the limo pulls away from the curb.  It’s a warning look.  A look that’s telling me I don’t belong with Justin.  That I have no business being this close to him.  I’d tell him exactly how I feel, exactly how much of a scum bag I think he is, but then I remember what Justin told me.  That we have to be in this together, treat Trace normally so the investigation goes as planned.  I smile at him.

He grunts in disgust and looks away from me.  Soon he’s back on the phone again, and Sydney goes back to her magazine, as if nothing ever happened.

I like it better that way.

It’s a two hour car trip, and the boys begin to get restless within the first twenty minutes so I pull out their portable DVD player and make them watch a movie.  It seems to calm them down, and I’m glad because I could tell they were beginning to irritate Justin as he was doing some work on his laptop.  About an hour into our journey, Kristy suddenly wakes up and says that she needs to use the bathroom.  Sydney automatically makes Quincy stop at the first rest station she sees.

Wouldn’t want her little princess to be deprived of anything, of course.

It feels good to get out of the car and stretch.  The boys run around and chase each other while Kristy goes off to the restroom with her mother.  I let them run amuck, because there is another hour left of travel time, and I’m hoping that they’ll nap for the rest of it, since their movie is almost over.

“Hey, can you go in and get me a protein drink?  The kind we have at home?” Justin pops out of the car suddenly and hands me a twenty.  “I’m just...right in the middle of something on the computer.  I’m sorry.  Get yourself whatever you want.”

I look at him and sigh, but can’t help but smile.  “Yes, sir.”

He just rolls his eyes at me and shoots me playful smirk as he gets back into the limo.  That’s okay though.  It means his mood has calmed down somewhat.  That he’s pushing the situation out of his mind so we can have a good time.  I head into the convenience store and search for Justin’s Muscle Milk, surprised when I find it in the very last cooler.  The guy really does know his shit, that they’d have it here. But I figure, he must stop at this same spot every time he takes a trip to the Hamptons.  

“So, what was that about?”

I turn around slowly, pray it’s not Trace, even though I’d know his voice anywhere.  I stare at him for a moment, pick at the plastic seal on the bottle I’m holding in my hands.  “What do you mean?”

I walk past him, and begin to survey the juice selection in the next refrigerator.

“You know what I’m talking about.”

I feel him right behind me.  I don’t turn around.  I’m liable to slap him across his face if I do.  “If Justin hasn’t explained it to you yet, I’m not going to either.”

“You really think he cares about you, huh?”

I pull a couple of Apple Juices out for the boys and an iced tea for myself, before I start to walk down the aisle.  I can still hear him following closely behind me, his breath heavy, and full of anger.

“Hey, I’m talking to you.”

His hand is on my shoulder, and I whirl around, pushing him back harshly.  “Don’t touch me,” I snap at him.

“Look, he might be happy fucking you every night for now,” he tells me, in a low whisper.  “But it’s a temporary thing.  You better not think that you’re going to come first over business. I won’t have it.”

“Really? Hmph,” I stroke my chin, making myself look deep in thought.  “Last I heard, Justin could run his own life.”

“You’re the hired help,” he grunts in my face.  “Maybe Justin got caught up with you because you’re always around and you can’t afford to leave.  Hell, it’s probably better than him running around with these skank female executives he keeps meeting.  But you should understand that you’re nothing to him, you’re vapor.  Somebody he can get off with at night.  You could never really be with somebody like Justin.  You have no place in a group like ours.  You bring nothing to the table because you’re just...common, and you better watch your step, because I’m going to be there to put you right back in your place the minute you start to get too needy.  Got it?”

On the inside I’m in a rage, ready to kick his ass, tell him that I know exactly what he’s doing behind Justin’s back and that he’s going to go to jail once the FBI gets the evidence that they need.  But on the outside I’m calm, because I know I have to be.  I can’t let Justin down, because he’s counting on me.  “If that’s how you feel.”  I say it pleasantly as I shrug and smile at him.  That’s all I do, because I know it’s the one thing that will make him feel like an idiot the most.

“You stupid, stupid bitch.”

I make sure I laugh, and that I don’t turn back around as I go to pay.  He bangs his way out the door when I put the drinks down on the counter, and I know...I know I’ve gotten the best of him, even though he was certain that things would work out differently when he came inside to confront me.

Still, I’m shaking slightly now.  It was scary that he was so close to me, talking to me like that, threatening me.  I have to snap out of it though.  I won’t tell Justin.  I don’t want to think about what he’d do at this point, and with three children around, nobody needs to be swearing or attempting to punch each other.

“Miss, are you all right?”  The man behind the counter asks me as he rings up my items, as if he just saw that entire episode.

“Oh, yeah,” I chuckle lightly as I take the bagged items that he hands to me.  “I’ll be fine.”  I walk out and head back across the parking lot.  Trace is nowhere to be seen, and I’m sure he’s back inside the limo, arms crossed, gazing out the window like he’s the most pissed off he’s ever been.  Good.  I’m glad.

“No, Aus...like this.”

I look off to my right when I hear Justin’s voice, and I feel the smile break out across my face immediately.  Somehow, the boys conned him into getting out of the car.  Davey is off to the side playing with a toy car, and Justin is holding the soccer ball in his hands as Austin looks up at him, seemingly in awe.

“You gotta keep your legs way up and watch the direction of the ball.”  Justin tosses the ball in the air and bounces it from knee to knee, expertly, as if he plays soccer every weekend.  

“But I can’t do it that fast!” Austin pouts.

“You will, buddy,” Justin laughs as he catches the ball in his hands and tosses it back into Austin’s arms.  “We’ll practice okay? Together.”

“Really?”

Austin says it lightly, as he continues to stare up into the face of his older brother.

Then I see something I never thought I would see.

“Yeah, of course.  I’ll...I’ll teach you so you can be really good when you play.”  Justin crouches down and nods slowly.  “Maybe...maybe tomorrow you and me can take a walk on the beach or something.  Just us.”

“Why,” Austin whispers.

“Because.”  Justin looks down at the ground for a moment, before placing a hand on each one of Austin shoulders.  “I...I never get to talk to you, you know?”

Austin just nods his head a little, like he doesn’t know what to say.  I’d expect that of him though.  The fact that Justin is making an effort is just...so, so huge to him.  I feel the tears creeping up into my eyes, and it takes everything in me to hold them back.  Then I see Justin hold his arms open to him, and it takes Austin a moment or two, but he races into them, and wraps his arms around Justin’s neck, tightly, as he lifts him off the ground.  He strokes the back of Austin’s hair, and rubs his back, before his eyes open again...

And he finally sees me standing there.

“Go on,” Justin smiles as he puts Austin back down and ruffles his hair slightly.  “Go get settled with Davey.  We’ll leave in a minute.”

Austin takes his brother by the hand, and glances at me slightly, before flashing me that playful smile I’m so used to seeing on Justin’s face, and heading back to the car.

“Here.”  I approach Justin slowly and hand him his drink out of the bag.

Justin nods, and smirks slightly.  “Thanks.”

“What was all that?” I ask him softly, a knowing smile on my face.

He shrugs.  “I just...saw them with the ball and thought I’d show Austin some stuff, as long as we were stopped.”

“No more laptop?” I chuckle.

He laughs, and I can see the tears come into his eyes quickly before they begin float down his face, and I know his mind is focused solely on his brothers rather than on Trace or the business right now. “He needs me,” Justin says quietly, as he rubs the tears off his face.

“I know.  They both do.”

He comes close to me, and touches my face for a moment, before he pulls me to him.  “I need you, Abbey,” he whispers.  “I...” he trails off, like he can’t say it.

Part of me knows what he was about to say too.  But I won’t wait for him to say it, because I just...I just don’t know if he’s ready to.

So I kiss him instead, with everything in me, not caring that the boys, Trace and Sydney are most likely watching.  I just don’t care.

I love him.  I must.  Nobody has ever made me feel this way before...not even Braeden, as much as it hurts me to say that.  I’ve found somebody a step up from him, somebody that gets me through and through, and I get him.  I get him right down to the core, even if he hasn’t told me everything that plagues him inside just yet.

And I’m never letting him go.

I knew Trace was sending Abbey dirty looks for the entire car ride, obviously pissed about the fact that I kissed her right before our journey started, and even more pissed that I made out with her at the rest stop for about ten minutes.  It was slightly embarrassing.  I could tell Abbey wanted to smack me for getting her riled up in front of the rest of the group.  We held the trip up and my brothers looked at me like I’d gone off the deep end when I got back into the limo, but I didn’t care.  I was happy with Abbey, I was bonding with my brothers, and the fact that I no longer trusted my best friend wasn’t so imminent in those moments.

After though, it continued to hit me like a ton of bricks.

I wanted to holler at Trace for treating Abbey like a piece of shit once we got here too, but with everything going on, I knew it was better to keep my mouth shut.  One wrong word out of my mouth could have caused him to do something drastic, and I promised certain people that I would be on my best behavior this weekend, act like everything was perfectly normal.

Thursday morning I went into work, and immediately called Alice, my head of accounting, up to my office.  She gets real nervous when I do that, because it’s rare that I ever need to contact her outside of our Monday run through and the weekly accounting  call I do from my car or office with her and her team.  

“Close the door,” I said to her softly, as I craned my neck around her body, making sure Trace wasn’t standing around outside.

She swallowed hard as she did as I asked, and clutched her clipboard tightly to her chest.  

“You’re not in any trouble,” I reassured her with a light smile.  “Sit down.”

“Oh,” she let out a nervous giggle and covered her mouth with her hand.  “Sir, I’m...I’m sorry.  You scared me.”

I nodded and waited until she sat down to ask the question.  “How fast can you pull up client account histories?”

She cocked her head to the side.  “It shouldn’t take more than a few minutes.”

“What about private files?” I said, looking down at my desk this time.  “Executive level ones that are password protected.  The ones that you never review?”

She was silent for several moments.  She knew whatever I was about to have her do was serious business, something she never had to deal with since I’d been named CEO.  “I’d...I’d have to get IT on it.  I might be able to get you the reports by the end of the day.  Sir, what’s going on?”

I sighed heavily.  “I need you to look into Trace’s files, public and private.  Check every account, every transfer, every trade, every share buy in.  Make sure all the funds balance.  Can you do that, without telling anybody?”

“I...” she trailed off and I knew I’d just scared the shit out of her.  “I, well, yes I can...”

“Then please...do it,” I whispered.  “Get it done by the end of the day.  Partner with Lawrence in IT.  He’s the best one.”

She just nodded, and got up from the chair.  “I’ll have something for you by four.”

“Thanks.”  I got up myself and walked her to the door.  “If you need to call, just dial my extension directly.  I don’t want anybody else to know about this, is that clear?”

“Of course,” she nodded again as I opened the door, and she walked out of my office without looking back.

I let the door close behind her and walked over to my windows, staring out of them for a while, trying to make sense of everything that was running through my mind.  Was it true? Was the person I trusted the most really stealing money from the company? And if that was the case, why? Trace had money, lots of money, and I had made sure of that.  He had no reason to steal, unless something really bad was going on outside of work that he’d neglected to tell me.  I tried to think, was it drugs, alcohol, gambling? None of those things made sense to me.  I knew Trace liked to drink, but so did I and he’d never been a sloppy drunk in all the time I’d known him.  And drugs, that just didn’t seem like a possibility either.  Trace had his head together, he was never late, and I spent so much time with him, that I would have figured out if he had a problem like that. Gambling? It could have been possible, but at the same time Trace was never a big gambler, except when it came to buying and trading stock for our clients and for himself.  

The word greed flashed itself across my mind.

I really didn’t want to accept that as the answer though.

But he’d been greedy the first time he embezzled money too, I was sure, even though I hadn’t known him back then.  Maybe Trump was right.  Once a thief always a thief...

I prayed he was wrong.  I wanted to prove to him that he was, so we could all move on with the deal comfortably.  

I tried to go on with the day as normally as possible, busying myself with international clients, and a few big buy in opportunities.  I didn’t see Trace much the whole day.  He only stuck his head through my door once, to tell me about some client that had just bought millions worth of stock from us.  I tried to be excited, but in the back of my mind all I could think was that he probably couldn’t be trusted with such a big account.  I made a note to myself to look into it, and transfer that account to one of my other partners if I could.

When four o’clock rolled around, I nearly forgot that Alice would be coming up to my office.  I was on the phone when she knocked and peeked her head in the door, and even though I was dealing with a pretty important client on the phone, I politely told him that I would call him right back, and hung up the phone.  “What’s going on?” I said, my voice quivering, my stomach doing flip flops as I sat there with my fist balled up on top of the desk.

She approached me slowly and took a seat as she slid a manilla folder across my desk.  “At first everything checked out,” she told me.  “All the public accounts line up.  He’s been taking the correct salary for all those.  Then...when we broke into the private file, things were different.  There’s been some...skimming.  Five hundred here, seven hundred there, and it seems every six months there would be a very large amount taken...five to ten thousand dollars.  It looks like it’s been going on for a few years, sir.  Even before you were promoted.”

I peered down at the paperwork, my eyes scanning the lines that Alice had highlighted as proof.  “How much?” I rasped.

“As of today...nine hundred and eighty thousand, and I have reason to believe that the number will grow by the end of the week.  Do you want to freeze his access to the network?”

I shook my head, partially because I couldn’t believe it, but also because I knew I couldn’t take action right away.  I had to call Mac, talk to the right people.  I wasn’t stupid.  I knew that the authorities were going to need more evidence, and so locking Trace out of the network was out of the question.  “No, that’s all I need from you,” I told her quietly as I shut the folder.  “Thank you.  I’ll let you know if there’s anything else.”

She got up from the chair and quickly walked over to the door.  I covered my face with my hands, sure she was about to leave, but then I heard her begin to speak again and I snapped out of it.

“Maybe it isn’t my place sir,” she whispered.  “But it...it seems very unlike him.  Mr. Ayala, I mean.  He’s always been very mindful of our department.  He’s even...caught mistakes that we’ve made with his public accounts, which would have benefitted him financially if he hadn’t said something.  If there’s any possibility that somebody else might be doing this, would you please look into it?”

Alice wasn’t a brown noser.  In fact, in the three years she’d been working with me, I never saw her buddy up with anybody.  Not even the people in her own department.  Hearing her talk like that about Trace made me even more confused.  It was like, she just couldn’t believe he’d do it.  That he was above it.  Maybe I would have believed her if it hadn’t been for the story that Trump told me.

But he did tell me.  He told me and Trace never had, even though we trusted each other with every important thing in our lives.  I just couldn’t shake that off.

“I will,” I reassured her softly.  “Thank you, Alice.”

When she walked out I got on the phone with Mac right away.  When I finished explaining my situation to him, he was more blunt with me than he’d ever been before.  

“It’s a global investment firm that you run, Justin,” he told me.  “That means the Feds will need to be involved.  Are you absolutely sure about this? It’ll probably get messy.”

“Look,” I muttered.  “I don’t like this any better than you do.  I don’t want to involve the FBI with this, Mac.  Do you know what kind of press I’m going to get? I just...I don’t have another explanation.  The money isn’t there, and it may not be half the value of this company, but it’s still a good amount of money that people have invested.  I need the situation rectified before it gets worse.”

“I’ll contact the right people,” he said softly.  “Don’t talk about this with anybody, Justin.  Got it?”r32;

“Yeah. I got it,” I grunted, and slammed the phone down.

It put me in a foul mood, the whole fucking thing.  It’s why I’ve been treating Abbey like crap, well, up until we headed here.  I didn’t even realize how much I’d been neglecting her, what an asshole I was turning into.  We went to dinner, had a great walk back to my place after, yeah, but she was right, most of me wasn’t with her then.  I was focused on too many other things, so I had no choice but to explain myself, even though I didn’t want to involve her.

I’m glad I did though.  She gets it, she understands what I’m going through and she’s here for me.  I don’t get it.  I don’t get why she sticks by me.  I haven’t been the best person.  Sure, I’m changing now, I guess, but still...I don’t feel that I deserve her compassion.

That’s what makes Abbey so great.  She’s kind, forgiving, and accepting of every type of person.  We’re like oil and water, but for some reason, we are starting to blend nicely. It’s a fluke that we met, and that we’re sort of together.  If that boyfriend of hers didn’t die over in Afghanistan she’d be happily married by now.  I’m sure of that.  I’d love to know more about the type of guy he was too.  What types of things he did for her that she loved.  I’m starting to realize that there’s so much about her that I don’t know.  I feel like I’ve been so busy pouring my soul out to her, and thrusting my brothers in her care that I haven’t really given her the chance to express herself.

I have to start talking to her more...about her, about what she loves, what she hates.

I mean, if I want her to stay with me.

And I do.

“Is this a hotel?” Austin asked me when the limo finally came to a stop in front of my beach house.  His eyes were wide as he gazed out the window, obviously impressed with the size of the place.

I decided to buy the house when I first received my promotion.  It was sort of a celebration gift to myself.  Looking back on it now I think I may have gone a little bit too over the top.  I mean, it’s not exactly a house.  It’s more of a mansion really.  It seems a shame that I only come up here in the summers, when it would probably be an ideal place to live all year round.  I don’t like winters in the Hamptons though.  Everything is barren and cold, and there’s always so much snow.  The city is better.  They clear the streets and I’m able to get out.  

“No,” I laughed and eyed Abbey who was staring out the window as well.  “It’s a house, buddy.”

“That’s what you call a house?” Abbey scoffed.  “Justin, it’s the size of a couple of city blocks.”

I just shrugged, felt my face burning a little.  “Well, there’s more room for everyone that way.”

“Maybe you should use the extra space to your advantage,” Trace grunted at me before pushing his way out of the limo.

Sydney snorted as she guided Kristy out with her.  I made sure to glare at her too, but she didn’t seem to care.  I knew she felt the same way as Trace about me and Abbey kissing, but at the same time it wasn’t any of her business.  Hell, it wasn’t Trace’s either.  He wasn’t even my best friend anymore.  He was a liar and a cheat, and it made me sick that I had to be within an arms length of him, and act like everything was completely cool.

The boys ran ahead of us once we were all out of the limousine, and raced each other up to the house.  It was apparent to me that Trace, Sydney, and Kristy had already made it a point to separate themselves from the rest of the group, but that was just fine with me.  It meant Abbey and I would have some much needed privacy, and I couldn’t have been happier.

“Boys!” she groaned loudly.  “Wait!”

“Let ‘em go,” I said to her softly, and pulled her hand into mine.  “They can’t get lost.”

“Yeah, right,” she grunted.

“Hey,” I huffed.  “Look, I know...the trip here wasn’t the best...”

“It’s fine Justin.”  We stopped walking then, and she turned to me.  “It...it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.  I mean, you and Austin...that’s something, you know?”

I shrugged, and looked down at the hand that was grasping hers, feeling myself start to smile once again.  “Yeah.”

I mean, it was something, Austin and I bonding.  At first I wasn’t going to get out of the car when we stopped at the store, but then the soccer ball hit my window, and I looked up to see Austin struggling with his moves.  It made me think back to when I was a kid, how nobody ever helped me practice.  I was always on my own.  Austin didn’t deserve that, he deserved better.  It made me toss my laptop to the side and get out of the car.

The best thing? The look on Abbey’s face when she caught me hugging my brother.  I knew she was proud, and well...I guess it made me feel proud too.  Proud that I’d connected with him, that we weren’t fighting for once.

If I can keep this thing going, it’ll be really great.

“C’mon,” Abbey giggled next and pulled on my hand.  “I want the grand tour, before I get lost myself.”

I did as she asked with a smile.  It didn’t take me long to show her around...because we never got through the tour.  The boys had discovered the vintage pinball machine in the living room, and were taking turns playing that while I showed Abbey the upstairs.  Trace and his counterparts were off in another wing as well.  So, when I showed her the master suite, and closed the door, she definitely got the hint.

“Justin...” she trailed off and laughed as I pressed her up against the wall.  “The boys.”

“That pinball will keep them busy for at least an hour or two,” I smirked and ran my fingers over her cheek.  “C’mon, you got me all hyped up earlier.  I can’t wait until tonight.”

She rolled her eyes.  “Really...you’re a pig.”

I leaned in closer.  “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

But she barely looked at me when she said it.

So I kissed her.

I think it was the quietest I ever made love to a woman.  It was a beautiful thing though, very different for me.  Abbey stared into my eyes as I stripped her down naked.  I kissed her lips, her face, her neck and breasts as she yanked my shirt off of my body, pushed me down and climbed on top of me next.  She unbuckled my belt, yanked off my jeans and boxers...took me right there, right on top of the freshly made bed linens.  

We fucked good and hard, and I needed that from her.  I needed it so badly.  I needed to get all of my aggressions out of my system so I could guarantee Abbey and the boys a great weekend.  I think she could sense that too.  I think she expected me to do what I did, and even though she’d never admit it, I know she loved it too.  When we have sex, she seems to transform slightly.  She’s not the serious woman I’ve come to know.  She lets go, she’s a little wild, likes to push me around and let me bite her.  It’s fucking hot as hell.

I think...I think she’s the best I’ve ever had, and that’s so weird, considering I’ve dated and spent the night with some of the most beautiful women in New York City.  It’s like she’s this diamond in the rough...irreplaceable.

At this point, I don’t know what I’d do if I lost her.  That makes me want to hold her so close, keep her right next to me always, but I know how psycho that makes me sound, and I can’t...I can’t be that possessive.

It’s scary because I’m starting to realize I don’t think I could live without her.  I couldn’t tell her.  She might get the wrong idea.

She might think that I’ve fallen in love with her.

And I can’t fall in love.  I’m just...incapable of it, of giving up that much of myself to somebody else.  I think Abbey is the closest I’ve ever come to it, in fact.  This is as far as I go though.  I know that.  I love business, I love money. Period.  I care about her, but I can’t love her.

I’m trying to avoid that whole discussion with her for as long as possible, too.

Dinner was awkward last night.  There’s plenty of places to hide in the house, but when it comes to eating, there’s only one spot everybody can sit down.  Trace and Sydney sat at the table in silence as the boys and Kristy bantered playfully back and forth.  Abbey made dinner, even though I knew she hated cooking for my so called friends.  She kept a smile on her face though, for the kids.  I tried to eat quickly.  It was hard though.  Her meatloaf is fucking awesome, and I had two helpings.  She told me I was cute when I asked for more and patted my cheek with that soft gentle smile I’ve come to like so much.  I could feel Trace’s eyes boring into the side of my head while she did it too.

But I managed to ignore him.

Trace and Sydney skulked off to their designated wing of the house after dinner, dragging Kristy with them.  I knew she didn’t want to go.  The boys were getting settled in with a movie, and she wanted to watch too, but Sydney practically dragged her out of the room, and I wasn’t about to stop her.  Things were fucking weird enough as it was.

“Why can’t Kristy stay?” Austin pouted.

I looked at Abbey and I could tell she felt bad.  They were sort of bonding...Austin and Kristy.  Actually, I think she was the only kid he had sort of befriended since I moved him to the city.  Things were too complicated for them to be so close of course, but I couldn’t tell him that.

“You can play with her tomorrow,” I said, trying to supply a genuine smile for him.

He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms as the movie started to play, but didn’t mention it again.  It meant he didn’t believe my excuse, but didn’t feel like arguing with me.  I was fine with that.  I wasn’t in the mood to discuss it with him anymore, either.  

Abbey curled up against my chest as the boys watched the movie.  It was called Toy Story.  I felt weird because I found myself getting into it.  I liked the story line about Buzz  Lightyear and Woody, found myself laughing at the same things my brothers found amusing.  It hit me that I hadn’t watched anything so juvenile since I was about eight years old.  I was an overly mature child.  I stopped watching cartoons and children’s programming at an early age, because I was focused on other things...like how to get out of Memphis without being able to read that well.  

It occurred to me that a huge part of my childhood was missing.  That...I hadn’t really experienced a complete one, and it was the reason why it was hard for me to understand my brothers feelings at times.  It was crazy.  I mean, all it took was a Disney movie to make me realize that.  Well, that and Abbey too I guess.  Abbey made me think about who I was, what I was missing out on.

I pulled her closer to me, pressed my nose into her soft blonde hair and breathed her in.

We put the boys to bed once the movie ended, and I fell asleep next to her after we made our way to my bedroom.  I wrapped my arms around her naked, warm, silky smooth body.  I liked her naked next to me as we slept, even if we didn’t have sex.  It was comfortable for me, and she seemed comfortable with it, as long as I took my clothes off too.

That wasn’t an issue for me.

We got up early this morning, and took the boys to see some lighthouses around the area.  It was nice, peaceful.  There weren’t too many other tourists around invading our space, so we let the boys run around for a little while at each site.  At one point we stopped and had some lunch at a little place off the road.  They had some really good seafood.  The boys won’t touch the stuff though.  Luckily they had hot dogs to compensate.  Abbey said she liked it there because the staff spoke English.

She’ll never let me live that down.

“Justin.”

I toss the ball up in the air and catch it as we walk along the private section of beach in the front of my property.  The sun is setting now, we had dinner about an hour ago.  Trace took Sydney and Kristy somewhere, so it wasn’t as awkward as last night’s meal.  I haven’t spoken to him all day, but that’s fine.  At some point though, I need to talk to him, to try and get him to talk to me about this on his own.  It’ll be easier if he just confesses, and I know that.

But Trace is stubborn, and crafty.  He won’t give in easily.

“Yeah?”

Davey didn’t feel like coming down to the beach tonight.  He barely talked, just wanted to cuddle with Abbey, so I said I would take Austin, so she could spend a quiet evening with Davey on the couch.  I think he’s tired, that’s all.  Abbey seemed pretty worn out from today too though, so it worked out.  I promised Austin a walk on the beach on the way up here, just us, and now is a good a time as any.

“Is...Is Abbey your girlfriend now?”

I stop walking, and chuckle a little as I drop the soccer ball down on the sand and step on it with my right foot.  “I...well, we’re...you know...”

“You guys were kissing,” he huffs and cross his arms.  

He’s not dumb, and I shouldn’t pretend that I can fool him.  At the same time though, I can’t even answer that question myself.  I don’t know what Abbey and I are.  We’re...having fun I guess.  I care about her.  Does that make us a couple? I have no clue, and I’m not ready to give us that title.  “We’re figuring it out,” I tell him, as if he’ll completely get it.

“I want her to be your girlfriend,” he says softly.  “You’re...you’re better when she’s with you.”

He sounds entirely too mature.  The kid is twelve.  He’s not supposed to care about romance or who I’m sleeping with.  I see myself in him.  Myself at his age, except he’s a hell of a lot more educated than I was.  “Well I like being around Abbey,” I say with a small nod.  “Are you okay with that?”

He shrugs.  “I love Abbey,” he says quietly.  “She reminds me of mom.”

I breathe in slowly and exhale.  It hits me hard, what he said, right in the heart.  It was the last thing I expected him to say, the last thing I wanted to hear.  I don’t want to compare Abbey to my mom, because...it’ll just depress the hell out of me.  “Abbey isn’t mom,” I tell him slowly.  “Okay?”

He hangs his head low.  “I...I just...she’s gentle like mom was, that’s all.”

I continue to walk along the beach and kick the ball out in front of me.  Austin follows suit, doesn’t talk, runs forward to kick the ball around too.  It’s weird with us.  Suddenly, we understand each other more than I ever thought we would.  I realize we’ve butted heads all this time because we’re exactly alike, not because he has an issue.  I was an idiot for treating him like he had one.  I was an idiot for doing a lot of the things I’ve done to him.  “Are you happy here, Austin?”

He stops and picks up the ball, tucking it under one arm as he turns to face me.  “I have to be here,” he whispers.

“Yeah,” I shrug.  “But...are you okay? Are you happy? I want to know if you’re not so I can fix it.”

“I miss mom and dad,” he states.  “I miss Memphis, but...things are better....than they were, and Davey is happier than he was before too.  I’ll be okay.”

We continue to walk along after he tells me that.  At one point I drape my arm over his shoulders, and he doesn’t pull away.  It means he’s comfortable being alone with me, for the first time ever.  “Remember that box you threw down into mom’s grave,” I ask him suddenly.

He’s very quiet for a while as we continue to walk.  “Yeah,” he finally croaks.

“You wanna tell me what it was?”

“It was a picture of you.”

I stop walking and so does he.
r32;“Why?” I rasp, not quite believing what he’s just told me.

“She always said that she hoped you would come back one day,” he says to me slowly, not quite meeting my gaze.  “I just thought if...I did that, she would always have you with her.”

I don’t want to cry.  I won’t, because I’m his older brother and I have to set an example of how to be strong.  I’m a wall street giant who doesn’t succumb to his emotions.  I bite my lip, because I’m about to sob.  

“I know you miss them,” Austin says to me sadly.  “You don’t have to say anything, Justin.  I didn’t get enough time with them either.”

He holds his hand out to me.

I don’t think, I just take it.

I want things to be different.  I want to be everything to him, somebody he can look up to and count on.  I have to be.  I can’t let him spiral down anymore, keep getting into fights, getting suspended.  That’s all gotta end, because he’s a good kid.  He deserves better.

I really...I really love him, and Davey too.

I think they’re the first people, since my parents, that I’ve allowed myself to love.

I feel another part of me come alive inside.

The sun sinks lower into the horizon, and it starts to get darker.  I tell Austin we should probably head inside, and he agrees.  We slowly walk back up to the house, still holding hands.  He starts talking to me, telling me some joke about a bear and a horse, and I try to find the sense in it, laughing at him when I can’t.  He asks me if I’ll come to his first soccer game, and I promise him that I will.  When we reach the front porch, he hugs me quickly before racing inside, calling out Davey’s name.

My gaze lingers after him, and then I hear the sound of somebody clearing their throat off to the left.

Trace is sitting on the porch with a beer, staring at me with the most disgusted look on his face.  I feel my smile fade away to nothing.

I guess I have to deal with this situation now too.

“There something you wanna say?” I grunt at him.

He puts his beer down on the wooden floor, before rocking himself a little in the rocker he’s seated in.  “I just hope you know what you’re doing, that’s all,” he whispers.

“I know what I’m doing,” I say, trying not to sound angry as I take a seat next to him.  “But lately, man, I feel like your head is in another place.”

He frowns and grows a little bit distant.  “I’ve felt like something has been off with you since you went off with Trump,” he confessed.  “You barely look at me anymore.”

I’m quiet.  I don’t know what to say to him, because whatever I say will hint at the truth.  “I feel like you’re going through something,” I tell him.

He crosses his arms.  “Why the hell would you think that?”

He’s defiant, defensive, a sure fire sign that he’s hiding something.  “I’ve known you for a long time.  I can just tell.”

“The only thing that’s bothering me, is this shit with Abbey,” he snaps.  “Really, J? I mean...what the hell? You act like you’re sick in fucking love with this girl, making out with her like some dumb kid.”

I laugh, and rub my face with my hand.  “You’re wrong,” I tell him.  

“No.”  He gets up from the chair.  “I’m not, and if you get distracted...”

“You know, it’s really none of your fucking concern anyway,” I snap at him, causing him to stop mid sentence and stare at me.  “I don’t say shit to you about Sydney, and I can’t fucking stand her.”

He scoffs.  “Well that’s news to me.”

“Yeah,” I nod.  “Well now you know.”

“What the fuck ever, Justin.” He pushes himself up harshly from the chair.  “Do whatever you want, but don’t bring this shit to work.”

I don’t say anything, don’t look at him as he storms back into the house and slams the door closed behind him.

That went well.

It’s been really hard coming down off the high I was on all weekend long.  Even though shit was going on at work that sent chills down my spine, I just couldn’t seem to dwell on it for long once we arrived in the Hamptons.  Abbey and I...we made this connection there.  It was like, she woke me up, made me want to be close to somebody for the first time in my life.  She showed me that I had to be the one to make the effort.  That I couldn’t compare myself to her dead boyfriend.  She wasn’t like the others.  Abbey was special, a different kind of woman, and I had to realize that.  I sat on that beach after she walked away from me and thought about that for a long time.  I knew...I wasn’t ready to say those words.  That I loved her.  Maybe I was starting to feel it, even though a big part of me was denying that fact.  I just wasn’t sure.  What I did realize was that I wanted to be closer to her after all.  I wanted to take care of her.

So I told her that.

And she’s letting me.

I conferenced Monday morning, while Abbey and Sydney took the kids down to the beach for one final run around.  It meant I was trapped in the study with Trace for over two hours.  He didn’t say much, and it was strange for him.  Usually during my Monday run through he makes it a point to talk for at least fifteen minutes about ‘upholding company policies’ and goes on to highlight everything that each department is fucking up.  I’ve always liked that.  It’s taken a lot of the pressure off of me, makes people think he’s more of a jerk than I am, which is saying a lot since I’m pretty much a tyrant.  I make my employees afraid.  They don’t dare speak up when I’m talking, and they never question a policy or procedure that I’ve laid down.  In the past few years I’ve fired people for less, and they know that.

But the most Trace talked about on Monday was boosting profit, and that was it.

It left the floor open to me, and I found that Trace was taking a lot of notes while I was talking and I wasn’t sure why.  I was only highlighting most of the shit that he would have said anyway.  He seemed nervous though, very uneasy.  Looking back on it now, I’m not even sure if he was writing about anything that had to do with the damn conference call.  That would probably anger me more, if I wasn’t so sure he’s been dicking me over for the past couple of years.  He’ll need all the notes he can when he gets his day in court.

Only, he’ll lose.  He’ll lose everything.

A couple of FBI agents had come to see me on Friday, but all they really told me was to sit tight while they conducted their investigation, and not to say anything to anybody about it.  That probably included Abbey too, but since I trust her with...everything in my life right now, I couldn’t hold it back.  She more than proved herself this weekend though.  She did a great job pretending that everything was the same as always, and didn’t treat Trace any differently than normal.  Not that it was hard for her to act that way, since she can’t stand him in the first place.

Tuesday morning, back at work, one of the agents was waiting for me beside Cheryl’s desk.  I quickly closed the door to my outer office, because Trace’s door was open, and he was on the phone, yakking away to some client of his. The last thing I wanted was for him to overhear the conversation that was about to take place.

“Mr. Timberlake.”  The agent stood up and shook my hand.  

Cheryl didn’t so much as glance at me, and I was thankful that she decided to mind her own business.  “Let’s talk inside,” I nodded as I returned his handshake firmly.  “Hold my calls,” I told Cheryl.

“Of course, sir.”

I led the way into my office, and made sure to close the door firmly behind me before offering the agent a seat at my desk.  I slowly made my way over to the windows once he sat down and stared out of them, terrified of what he was about to tell me.

“The evidence is more than circumstantial,” Agent Wilcox said softly.  “We’ve been monitoring the accounts, and...there was more money taken this weekend.  In total, about 1.5 million.  We’d like to take action, make an arrest.  The warrant has already been issued, Mr. Timberlake.  I just wanted to give you the benefit of being the first to know about this.  We discussed it, and didn’t want to cause anybody alarm by bursting in and hauling him away”

I sighed harshly and covered my mouth with my hand.  It angered me that he’d done it over the weekend, right under my nose, when we were all supposed to be enjoying ourselves.  “Are you sure?”

“I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.”

I turned, and gazed at him sternly.  “Then do it.”

He nodded briefly, and then called somebody on his cellphone.  Within minutes he walked out of my office, and I didn’t want to follow him.  It pained me deeply to see what was about to happen, but at the same time I couldn’t help myself.  I followed him slowly out into the hallway and stood inside my open doorway as Agent Wilcox, and a second agent made their way into Trace’s office.

There was a commotion for a few minutes.  I could hear him swearing.  Cheryl came up behind me at some point and asked what was going on.  I told her to hold on, that I would explain later...

And then there Trace was, being led out of his office in handcuffs.  Cheryl gasped and I just stared, not being able to believe what was happening before my eyes.

“Justin!” He yelled out to me as Agent Wilcox began to force him down the hallway. “Justin, I didn’t do this! You know I didn’t do this!”

I just stared at him as they forced him to the elevators.  I wouldn’t answer.  I couldn’t answer.

He kept yelling my name, over and over, panicked, like he didn’t know what the hell was going on.  But I knew what he did, I knew it all too well.

He was getting what he deserved.

I held an emergency board meeting right away.  Naturally my entire staff sat in silence, as I stared into space for several moments.  I was sure they thought I was going to fire them all.  When I was first promoted I did what I like to call a ‘clean sweep’ and fired about fifty people that in my opinion, were doing a shitty job.  I can’t lie, I was considering firing a few of them that day too. I was angry and paranoid enough, but I knew that it would be wrong.  I couldn’t afford it.  My best executive was gone, thief or not, and I needed people around me that knew what they were doing.  Especially considering clients were going to start calling to give us hell the moment the case broke to the media.  

“Alice.”  It was the first word I spoke.

Everybody slowly looked over at her.

She cowered in her seat.  “Y-yes sir.”

“I’ve decided to put a new policy into place.  Private accounts are no longer private. Alice, you will now be in charge of overseeing and doing weekly audits on all of them, and public accounts will be audited once a week versus once a month,” I announced.  “I suggest you all get your passwords together on one list and give them to her before the end of the day.  Those who do not comply will be fired.  I won’t tolerate another cheater in my company.”

Nobody said anything.

“Mr. Ayala is no longer with us.”  I sat up in my chair and folded my hands on top of the shiny granite desktop.  “I don’t need to explain why.  You’ll find out in the coming days.  I don’t want his named mentioned in my presence.  If you have an issue with any of his clients, see Alice, and she will report the issue to me.  Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

They said it in unison.  I just nodded, got up from my chair, and walked out on them all.  I’m sure they stayed behind, talked amongst themselves for several hours afterward.  I didn’t care.  I wasn’t about to involve myself in their gossip.  Trace was more than just an executive.  He was my business partner, and I knew once the media found out about his arrest, the whole thing was going to blow up in my face.  Where would I be then? Would I end up broke? Would my board get together and decide to overthrow me?  I had no idea.  It made me feel sick to my stomach...the thought of losing my integrity, my career.  Would I have to move back down south? Go back to the lifestyle I had loathed for so many years?

I threw up in the bathroom.  When five o’clock came around, and I decided to go home to talk to Abbey about it all, I walked right into a disaster.

“Mr. Timberlake!”

Flashes went off in my face, and microphones were shoved at me from every angle.  I could make out Quincy in the very back of the crowd, a sympathetic look on his face as I tried desperately to make my way over to the Escalade.

“Is it true your business partner has been arrested for fraud?”

“How will this effect the integrity of Goldmach Sachs?”

“Given your age do you think people will continue to take you seriously?”

“No comment!” I shouted at them, and pushed my way through the mass of reporters and photographers.  Quincy stuck out his hand as I neared the back of the crowd and pulled me through, blocking their access to me as I practically jumped into the back of my Escalade, thankful for the dark tinted windows and doors that locked all of them away.  I was safe...

But I knew that I wouldn’t be able to hide from them forever.

There were more reporters waiting outside my building when the car pulled up, and I was furious.  I made Quincy get out, talk to the doorman, try to get him to do something about them so I wouldn’t have to deal with it right then.  

“Sir, I’m sorry,” Quincy told me once he got back into the car.  “But they told me as long as they are on the city sidewalk, they can’t be made to leave.”

I sighed into my hands.  “It’s fine, Quincy.  Thanks.”  I sucked in a long breath, and threw my car door open.  Frank, my doorman was waiting for me, ready to escort me into the building.  He did a decent job keeping the reporters away from me, even though he’s not a very big guy.  The reporters shouted at me and snapped pictures as I walked to the door, but they weren’t able to stop me from getting inside.

Once I was in the elevator, I never wanted to go back out again.

“Justin!”

Davey threw his arms around me the second I stepped through the door, and it took everything inside of me to throw a smile on my face for him.  He was oblivious to everything that was happening, and that was good.  He was too young, and had been through too much to endure anymore stress.   I picked him up and ruffled his hair before giving him a long hug.

Then Abbey came into the room, wiping her hands with a dishrag.  “Hey.”

I put Davey down.  “Go on, go find Austin.”  I said to him softly and patted his shoulder so he would run off.  “Hey,” I said to her, once he was out of site.

“I...I saw the news,” she whispered as she made her way over to me.  “They arrested Trace?”

I just nodded.  

“A-are you okay?”

I shrugged.  “I don’t know.  I...don’t know what’s going to happen.  He was yelling at me when they took him away.  He said...he didn’t do it.”  

She took my hand in hers and looked down at it for a moment.  “Of course he would say that,” she whispered.  “You...you did the right thing.  I mean, who knows how much more money you would have lost if you didn’t catch on?”

“Yeah, yeah I guess.”  

I couldn’t say much.  I wanted to.  I wanted to tell her how upset I was, how sick I felt.  But I didn’t have the energy then.  I'd had a long, hard, emotional day and all I really wanted to do was fall asleep in her arms and forget it all.

“Justin, it’s okay,” she whispered and pulled me closer to her so she could wrap her arms around me and lay her head against my chest.  “It’s over.”

I kissed the top of her head, and breathed her in slowly.  “I think it’s just beginning, Ab.”

And I was right.

The press decided to camp out across the street from my building, and the moment I stepped outside the next day I knew they weren’t going to let myself or Abbey pass easily.  I didn’t want the boys to be shoved into the middle of the whole thing.  They weren’t a part of it, and I didn’t want them exposed to my career in that way.  I arranged for Abbey and the boys to leave the building down the fire stairs, so they could meet Quincy in the back and he could take them to school before dropping me off at the office.  Austin later told me it was cool.  He felt like a ‘secret agent.’  I was grateful.  It wasn’t affecting him, and I knew he was old enough to understand that something major was going on in my work life.  I guess having Abbey by his side helped him to calm down about it.  Davey didn’t say much.  He was smiling a lot though.  I know he was just happy to be with us, and excited that I was riding in the car with him each morning we took Austin to school.  Abbey was a trooper through it all.  She acted as normally as she possibly could for them, and for me.

I don’t know what I would have done without her those first couple of days.

I miss her.  I mean, it’s weird for me to be thinking this way, but it’s the truth.  My mind has been so overwhelmed with everything that the most I’ve been able to do lately is kiss her goodnight and fall asleep with her in my arms.  There hasn’t been much time for talking.  Now that Austin is back in school he has a lot to yap about at the end of the day, and since that gives Davey the incentive to speak up too, they’ve been taking up all of our free time.

I’m praying that after today, things will start to be a little bit more normal around the house.  After today I want to talk to Abbey at night about us, instead of work and the boys, the press, and how stressed out we both are. I want to feel her again, all over me.  I need her.

I miss having that physical interaction with her.  I’ve been spoiled I guess.  I’ve been trying to calm myself down, tell myself that it’s good we haven’t been as sexual lately.  I mean, she’s with me now.  We’re together.  I guess...I guess I can say that she’s my girlfriend.  That means our time together has to be about more than just sex.  I mean, it is.  

The sex is just...one of my favorite things about spending that time with her, as raunchy as that sounds.  I guess it’s because I’ve never been so passionate about somebody before.  I’ve never made love to a woman like I make love to her.

It means something.

Something more than I can even understand.

“You doing okay?”

Mac pats my back and I let out a harsh sigh as I take a seat in the middle of the courtroom.  I gave a press statement right before we were allowed to come inside.  It was short and to the point.  I basically told them all what Trace was being charged with, and I gave a formal apology to all of our clients.  I’m sure I’ll have about a thousand messages waiting for me when I get back to the office today.  I wish I could be there now, answering them, but Mac said it was important that I be here today.  He said it would show that I was standing behind the company.

But the thought of seeing Trace lead out in handcuffs has made me nauseated since I woke up this morning.

“I’ll be okay.”  I glance around the courtroom as I say it.  I spot Trump sitting across the room, and he acknowledges me quickly with a small nod and wink.  We spoke briefly on the phone Wednesday morning.  I wanted to let him know I was ready to take him up on his deal, even though chaos was ensuing in my business world.  He understood where I was coming from, said he was on my side and he would back me a hundred percent so I wouldn’t lose as many clients.  It feels good to have a friend in the business world, somebody I can trust.

But still, the smallest part of me misses the hell out of my best friend, and I have no idea why.  He betrayed me. Stabbed me in the back.   I shouldn’t care about him.  They told me he had to spend a few days in Rikers because the medium security holding center had no spot for him.  I shouldn’t care about how freaked out he probably was, jailed amongst murderers and the like.

But I still do, and I hate that.

The next person I notice is Trace of course.  He’s led out from a side entrance in the front of the courtroom by an officer, clothed in a bright orange prison suit, his wrists and ankles shackled together.  He shuffles slowly to his seat and is made to sit down next to his lawyer, and they immediately begin a whispered conversation.  His face is pale, his eyes bloodshot and sunken in, as if he hasn’t slept for days.  He’s terrified.  I can just tell.  I feel a pang of desperation surge through me, pleading with me, telling me something isn’t right...

But I have all the proof I need.  I shouldn’t feel this way.  I can’t.

“All rise,” the bailiff announces as the judge enters the courtroom and takes his position at his desk.  “The honorable Judge Walsh presiding.”

“You may be seated,” he says gruffly.

We all sit.  The room is silent.  I think everybody is waiting to see what happens next.  It’s a media spectacle.  More than half of the courtroom is comprised of cameramen, reporters, and photographers.  It should be fun trying to get out of here once this is all over with.

“What’s first Len?” The judge asks the bailiff with a strong sigh.

“Docket ending in 53398. People Vs. Trace Ayala.”  He hands over the paperwork to the judge as he says it.

The judge studies the documents briefly before moving his reading glasses down to the end of his nose and peering up Trace, as if something has suddenly struck him.  The smallest fragment of a smile appears on his face, and then vanishes.  “Charges?”

“Grand Larceny in the first degree.”

“Well, Mr. Ayala, we meet again,” Judge Walsh smirks.

I hear gasps all around.  Obviously, this isn’t the first time Trace has dealt with this judge, and all I can think is that everything Trump told me was the truth.  I stare at Trace’s backside.  He’s hanging his head low, waiting for the next, inevitable question.

“How do you plead?”

It takes a moment for him to answer.  The courtroom is completely silent.  You could hear a pin drop.  I feel myself begin to tremble.  

“Not guilty,” he croaks.

I shake my head sadly and pinch the bridge of my nose.  Fuck, why? Why? Can’t he just confess? He’ll never get away with this.  There’s too much evidence against him.  The feds made sure of that.  I recognize his lawyer.  He’s good, one of the most expensive in Manhattan.  I even considered using him before I was referred to Mac. Maybe Trace thinks the guy is his ticket out of jail.

But I seriously doubt it.

“The people request no bail your honor,” The District Attorney speaks up, smartly.  “Mr. Ayala has many means available to him, and we consider him a high flight risk at this time.”

“Your honor I don’t see that being necessary,” Trace’s lawyer huffs.  “An ankle bracelet would do just as well.  My client isn’t a murderer or a drug dealer.”

The judge leans forward, staring at Trace with a commanding look in his eyes.  “Given the high profile of this case, I feel it is in Mr. Ayala’s best interest to be remanded without bail at this time.”

I see Trace turn and desperately whisper something in his lawyers ear.

“Your honor,” Trace’s lawyer speaks up desperately.  “I implore you to see reason.  My client has a young child at home...”

“Who will do just as well with it’s mother,” Judge Walsh speaks over him.  “Next case.”

The judge slams the gavel down.

I watch as Trace turns around, and is pulled into Sydney’s arms who has been sitting directly behind him the whole time.  He can’t hug her back, so he sort of leans into her.  She kisses him, and he tells her that he’ll call her, before he’s forced to shuffle back through the entranceway again.  Right before he moves through the door he looks back over his shoulder, and his eyes immediately connect with mine.  He glares at me, like I’m the worst person in the entire world.

Sydney breaks down into a fit of sobs as soon as he disappears from view.   

I’m not thinking about her though.  I could care less about her.  I do feel bad for Kristy though.  I know how much she loves Trace and I seriously doubt that their home is the best place for a kid to be in right now.  But again, it’s not my issue.  I get up along with Mac, and we walk out of the courtroom among the throngs of spectators, and reporters.  Of course I’m asked to stop for questions from the press, which I politely decline.  I’m nearly out.  The media has been kept away from me by some very helpful members of the NYPD, and I start to think about Abbey and the boys back at home.  I can’t wait to be with them.

“Justin.”

I look to my left.  “Mr. Trump.”

He shakes my hand.  “Glad to see that this is going to be over with shortly.”

I nod a little as I peer into the distance, letting out a small sigh of relief when I see Quincy and the car waiting for me at the curbside.  “Yeah.  I mean, there’s going be a trial...”

“I’m willing to bet that lawyer of his will talk him into a plea bargain,” Trump chuckles.  “He’ll do three to five, and the world will have forgotten all about him by then.”

I just nod.  I can’t talk to him about it anymore.  It’s making me feel sick again.

“Monday...I’d like to join you in your office to talk about some things,” he tells me.  “My top architect would like to be there as well, to discuss some design ideas.”

“That sounds great.” I force a smile for him as we reach my car, and he shakes my hand one more time.  “My Monday conference is over by ten.  I can meet with you then.”

“Sounds good, sir.”  

He smiles once more for me and walks away.

“Trump huh?” Mac chuckles and pats my back.  “What will it be next, kid?”

I shake my head.  “I think this is enough for me to take on for now.  I’ll talk to you.”

He bids me goodbye and I get in the car, thankful when my head hits the leather interior and I can close my eyes.  The anxiety that’s taken over me since the early morning begins to fade slightly as Quincy pulls away.  Soon I’ll be back at work, faced with clients, meetings with my partners.

They’ll all be fighting over Trace’s position for the next few months.  It makes me cringe to think of all the ass kissing I’m going to have to put up with.

Shit, all I want is Abbey today.  She’s all I want right now.  I don’t want to deal with work, with the knowledge that Trace will never be right down the hall from me again.  I won’t have him to lean on.  The one who has built me up from nothing is gone.

Abbey is all I have now.

“Hey, Quincy,” I speak up, softly.

“Sir?”

“Can you take me home?”

We stop at a red light, and he takes the opportunity to look back at me over his shoulder.  “It’s only after three.  Are you sure about that?”

I laugh a little.  “Yeah, I think so.”

It’s a first for me.  I’ve never just...put work to the side like this for the sake of somebody else, or because...I needed somebody else more than the walls of my office to get me through the rest of the day.  Still, Quincy smiles at my request and when the light changes to green he makes it a point to turn the car around so he can head back to my penthouse.  I’ve never said anything to him about Abbey, but I can tell that he knows what’s going on.  He’s never protested though.  I can tell he likes her.  That he thinks she’s good for me.

I couldn’t agree with him more.

I call Cheryl and tell her that I’ll be out of contact until Monday.  She tells me not to worry about it.  She’ll forward the important calls to my cell phone, and I tell her that I’m fine with that.  When we pull up to my building, I see Abbey and the boys walking out.  I smile, push the door open, and get out of the car.  Austin is dressed in his soccer gear.  Shit, it’s his first game today and I completely forgot with everything else that’s been going on.  It’s a fluke that I thought to come home, and I’m so glad I did.  “Hey.”

“Hey...” Abbey says, the shock in her voice apparent when she meets my gaze.  “I...I didn’t think you’d make it.”

“You’re coming to my game?” Austin says as I reach the spot they’re all standing in.  His eyes are wide, as if he’s surprised that I’m here at all.

“Course I am, bud.”  I smile at him a little and ruffle his hair, before doing the same to Davey.  Then I’m finally able to reach her, and by the look on her face, I can tell that she knows exactly the kind of day I’ve had.  I pull her into my arms, and she hugs me...she hugs me so tight.  

“I saw you on the news this morning,” she whispers as I hold her in my arms.  “I know...that was hard for you.”

“He plead not guilty.  But...it doesn’t matter anymore,” I whisper gently, and pull back a little so I can look her in the eyes.  “I have you, and the boys. That’s...that’s all I care about right now.  Whatever happens, I’ll pull through it as long as I have you.”

She smiles a little bit, and kisses me gently on the lips.  “Are you sure that you want to come?  I already prepared Austin.  If you need the time for yourself...”

“I want this time for us,” I nod, cutting her speech short.  “Okay?”

She smirks a little.  “Okay.”

We pile back into the Escalade, and Quincy happily agrees to take us to Central Park for Austin’s game.  Austin even invites him to stay and watch, and he agrees, tells him he’d like nothing more.  It’s a happy moment during what’s been a very miserable day for me, and most likely for Abbey too.  I reach for her hand, and she laces her fingers through mine as she smiles softly and gazes into my eyes.  

I have the best girlfriend, and right now, that's the only thing that means something to me.

Seven years ago I thought my life was over.  For seven years my heart still belonged to a dead man, but not anymore.  I tried my best to hide it from Justin, to not let him know how I really feel.

But I just...lost it.  I said those words.  The three words I never thought I would utter to another man ever again, and I’m still not sure if I was right for doing it.  Is Justin worth it? Hell, will he ever be able to feel the same away about me?

I still don’t know the answer, but I won’t give up...not just yet.

“Don’t you know you’re not supposed to tell a guy you love him until you’re at least six months in?”  Charlene took a slurp of her Mocha Frappe and frowned at me.  “I mean, are you crazy?”

I just shrugged and looked down into my coffee sorrowfully as I stirred it around. “I just...felt it, Char.”

“Yeah but he’s not the type of guy that would be prepared for something like that.  I hope you haven’t brought it up again.”

I shook my head.  I hadn’t mentioned our conversation in the bedroom since that night, and Justin seemed to be a hell of a lot happier because of it.  The day after we’d discussed it, there had been a slight aura of awkwardness surrounding us when he got home from work.  He was a little late too, slightly irritated because there had been photographers at the door, and the most he did after dinner was read a short story to Davey before heading to bed.  We didn’t talk when I finally decided to turn in, and for the first time since I’d started sleeping with him on a nightly basis, he didn’t wrap his arms around me.  He kept his back turned to me as I slid in next to him, and pretended to be asleep.

I let him.  I let him because I knew how weird I must have made him feel, and Charlene didn’t hesitate to knock me back into place when we had coffee.  “He’s the first once who’s cared about me since Braeden.”

“I know that,” she told me softly.  “And I know...you’ve told Justin about Braeden.  I think he’ll let you slide because he knows what you’ve been through, but you can’t push a guy like him.  He’ll slip away from you, Ab, and I know...I know you don’t want that to happen.”

I just shook my head.

“How are things going now?”

I shrugged a little.  “Okay.”

I wasn’t lying.  Things had gotten slightly back to normal since then.  Slightly meaning, Justin was talking to me in bed, and touching me in all the places that made me smile.  I wasn’t sure if we were having too much sex, if it was a bad thing or not, but I wouldn’t question it.  I was too afraid of setting him off.  He was edgy as it was, and I couldn’t afford to have him be mad at me.  The days he went to work were long and hard, starting first thing in the morning.  There were always reporters waiting for us outside Justin’s building.  The bodyguards would grip the boys and myself by the arms and shove us through the crowd and over to an awaiting vehicle.  I hated it.  I hated that they put their hands on me, and I knew Davey hated it too.  Austin seemed oblivious.  He was going through the motions like it didn’t affect him.  He was more concerned about getting to school.

It’s crazy how much he can act like his brother.

They leave when Justin gets home, after they fill him in about what went on during the day.  I stand against the kitchen counter with my arms crossed, waiting for them to make their exit.  I can tell Justin can sense how tense I am, but he never points it out.  This is the way he wants things and since...since I’m with him now, I have to be in this with him.  I know having the guards around is more for the boys sake than my own.  He was freaked out that day the press attacked us, so was I, and if I’d been alone...I just don’t know what I would have done about the boys.

They could have gotten hurt.  Really bad.

That’s why I’m going with the flow, trying as hard as I can to let my opinions about the guards roll off my shoulders until this whole thing blows over.

And I’m praying to god, that what I’m doing today will help it to.

I’d been more than overwhelmed the day Sydney came knocking at the door.  Austin had been given extra homework, things he’d fallen slightly behind on when he was suspended, and while I was trying my best to keep my attention focused on that, Davey wasn’t making it very easy.  The guards presence made him nervous, he was very clingy, acted much younger than he really was.  All he wanted me to do was sit with him, and when I explained that I had to help Austin first, he got pouty.  It pissed me off, made me want to send him to his room but...I knew I couldn’t.  It wasn’t his fault.

So I let him pout at the table.

She was a wreck when I opened the door, and Kristy...she practically ran into the house, seemingly desperate to get away from her mother.  I couldn’t blame her.  Sydney’s face was pale, her hair lank and greasy, falling messily at her shoulders.  Days of dried up mascara rested below her eyes, and she smelled like booze.  There was something seriously wrong, but she was the last person I wanted to help.  I let her in though.  I had no idea what else to do, and I did it more for Kristy’s sake than anything else.  She and Austin had grown close, and since he had a hard time making friends I was supportive of them hanging out together.

She cried on the couch, sobbed into her hands right up until Justin walked through that door.  At one point I tried to ask her what was wrong, but she snapped at me to get away from her, that she was only waiting to talk to Justin.  I knew it had to be about money.  She sounded desperate...

And I was right.

It really made me wonder if she could have had something to do with taking the money...it made me wonder if Trace was the only one who was guilty...

Or if he was guilty at all.

By the time she left I was convinced that he might not have been, and since Justin is too damn stubborn to research this more, I’ve taken it upon myself to do it.  It’s Francine’s day with Davey, and when I asked if she could pick up Austin from school since I had ‘a special errand to run’ she didn’t give me an issue.  I’m thankful for her.  Thankful, even though this is the last place I should or want to be.

But something needs to be done, because I’d feel like shit if Trace was really innocent and I didn’t try to make things right, even if I can’t stand the guy.

“Put your hands against the wall and spread your legs.”

I sigh harshly but do as the female officer tells me to.  Fuck, if Trace really turns out to be innocent, he owes me the biggest favor of his lifetime.  

The officer pats me down, feels underneath my bra and between my legs.  It’s fucking humiliating but I don’t complain.  That could earn me a ticket out of here, and after all the work his lawyer did to get my name on the visiting list, I know I can’t fuck this up.

“You’re clear.  Do you have any packages to give the inmate?”

I turn around to face her and shake my head no.

She nods.  “This way.”

I’m lead down a long dismal hallway along with a half dozen other visitors.  It’s painted a dull white, and the floors are a puke brown color.  It smells like body odor and lysol, even though this is a federal holding facility, and all I can think about is how dirty the cells must be here.  I’d say Trace deserves it...but I’m just not sure yet.  We’re made to stop in front of a door, the woman presses a button that makes a loud buzzing sound and a moment later another officer comes and opens it for us.  We’re lead through in a single file line, down another dismal hallway, until finally we reach an open area with tables.  We are all made to sit and wait.  Somebody comes around and asks for my name and who I’m here to see.  I wait for twenty five minutes.

Then the door at the other end of the room opens.

Several inmates rush out to their awaiting guests.  Most of the visitors here today are girlfriends and wives.  They are allowed to kiss and hug each other for a moment before being made to sit across from each other and begin quiet conversations.  I wonder how hard it must be for them.  How many hardships they have to face everyday.  I wonder if Sydney acts this way when she comes here to visit?

“Why the hell are you here?”

I have to stop thinking, because he’s here now.  I look up and study him as he stands before me with a cold, confused expression on his face.  He looks angry, exhausted, and a little bit sick.  I sit up slightly and clear my throat a little bit as an officer comes over and whispers at him to sit down.  He does it harshly, stares at me for several moments before letting out a sad little laugh and shaking his head.

“Well...what is it?” he snaps at me.  “Did Justin send you? He wanted you to tell me how much of a scum bag he thinks I am right?  I bet you went running to him once they arrested me, told him how I bullied you right?”

“Look!” I shout it at him, and it causes every person in the room to look at me.  I feel my face burning.  “Sorry,” I whisper, and soon they all go back to their conversations.  “Look,” I continue, as he glares at me.  “I came here on my own.”

“Why the fuck would you do that?”

I laugh bitterly.  “Right now, I think I should be asking myself that.  You’re not giving me a chance.”

“Fine.”  He sits back in his chair and crosses his arms.  “Here’s your chance.”

“Ayala, hands on the table!” An officer calls out to him.

He sighs harshly and puts them in plain site again.  “Make it fast,” he grunts.  

“Why aren’t you giving Sydney any money?” I whisper.

He cocks his heads to the side and shakes his head.  “How do you know that?”

“She came by.”

He rolls his eyes.  “I knew she’d pull that shit.  She asked Justin for money right?”

I shrug.  “Yeah, but he wouldn’t give it to her.”

He smirks, just slightly.  “How’s Kristy?”

I shrug.  “She won’t be okay for long.”

He frowns.  “What do you mean?”

“Sydney is a mess, Trace.  She slapped Kristy across the face, and...we would have kept her at the house with us, but she left before we could do anything.”

“Fuck,” he grimaces.  “I knew it...damn it...”

“Trace,” I say it quickly because I can tell he’s about to lose it, and I can also tell he knows something that he’s not telling anybody.  “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” he mutters.  “Just leave it alone.”

“You’re hiding something,” I tell him.  “You...you didn’t do this, did you?”

He shrugs.  “I don’t talk about this when my lawyer isn’t here, and I think hell would freeze over before I’d talk about it with you.”

I should walk out, tell him to fend for himself, but I came all this way and waited all this time.  I didn’t do it for nothing.  I lean forward now, so I’m very close to him, not really caring if the officers won’t like it.  “Why are you protecting her?”

“I never said I was,” he grunts.

“It’s obvious.”

He flashes me a sarcastic smile.  “You don’t know half the shit that’s gone on.  Hell, I didn’t know half the shit that went on, until I figured it out.  You know, I’ve had a lot of spare time to think, because of that idiot of a judge.  If I wasn’t for him, I probably would have gotten this all straightened out, but I’m stuck here, and my lawyer can’t make any sense of the things I’ve told him so far.  Sydney doesn’t return his calls...I don’t know what the hell is going on back home.”

“You should tell me,” I said sternly.  “I’m trying to help you out.”

He laughs bitterly.  “Why?”

I sigh.  “I just...I just don’t think anybody deserves this...to go through what you’re going through, if they didn’t do anything.”

He sucks in his bottom lip and looks down at the ugly grey table.  He’s quiet for a really long time, and I am too.  “I...I cut her off because I figured she’d crack,” he rasps.  “She can’t handle it...being off the stuff for too long, and without my money she can’t afford it.”

“So you know about the drugs?”

He laughs at me again.  “Fuck, of course I know.  I’ve always known.  We were in rehab together....it just didn’t work out so well for her.”

Trace was in rehab.  That’s news to me, and I wonder if Justin even knew that.  “You were in rehab?”

“Shit happens.  I partied too much, almost had a cardiac arrest.  So I went, I got over it, and that was that.  I put it behind me.  Sydney was pregnant when we met, told me she didn’t know who the father was, so I decided to step up and take care of her and the baby.  Kristy...she’s the only thing that kept me from going back on that shit, and I knew Sydney used but...I tried to keep Kristy away from it if I could.  I...I’ve stayed with Syd because of Kristy.  I don’t think I’ve really felt anything for her in years.  I’ve kept her in luxury so she wouldn’t take Kristy away from me, but...but the whole fucking time she’s been...”

He trails off and sighs into his hands.  He knows exactly what’s going on, and I’m a hundred percent positive that he didn’t do this.  “So make the police question her.”

He shakes his head.  “Ernie says I have a good chance of getting off on probation, and if not, I’ll do a couple of years.  I can handle that.  Kristy needs her mother.”

“Kristy needs a responsible parent,” I tell him seriously.  “You need to do something, say something.  I’ll talk to Justin...”

“No.”

He says it bluntly, sternly, with a cold gaze in his eyes.  

“Why?”

“I have my reasons,” he grunts.

“You’re angry at him,” I say.  “That’s no secret, but what was he supposed to think?”

“He was supposed to trust me.”  He points harshly to his chest.  “After everything, I figured he would at least let me talk to him about this, but it’s like he doesn’t give a fuck.”

“He’s confused.”

He glares at me.  “You’re biased.  You’re fucking him.”

This is pointless.  I sit back in the chair and look up at the ceiling.  Trace is a miserable bastard.  Granted, I can tell that he’s in here for the wrong reason, but it’s like...he’s not greatful that I’m here, talking to him out of the goodness of my heart.  I should leave.  I try to force myself to do it, but something is holding me back.  It’s my conscience, telling me I shouldn’t turn my back on him, because if I do...he really won’t have anybody else.  It’s not fair.  I doubt he’d do the same for me.  “That has nothing to do with this,” I whisper.

“It has everything to do with it,” he says, his voice calm this time.  “You just...you came along and it was like, Justin wasn’t the same. I’ve never, ever seen him this way, with anybody.”

“Doesn’t he have a right to care about somebody else?”

He shrugs a little bit, not meeting my gaze for a few moments.  “I didn’t want to trust you.  I didn’t know what your intentions were.”

“Obviously you needed to look at your own girlfriend, instead of focusing on me,” I snap.  “But this isn’t about me, Trace.  Stop trying to change the subject.  How could Sydney have gotten to your accounts?”

“She had my passwords, she helped me with my records from home,” he mutters as if he’s ashamed.  “Justin didn’t know.  I knew he wouldn’t like it, but I thought I could trust her more than somebody at the office.    I didn’t check the accounts enough.  Little withdrawals were meaningless, I mean...there was so much money coming in.  I just...I just didn’t pay enough attention.  I was too focused on work...”  

He trails off and remains silent.  I know he thinks he’s telling me too much, hell, he might be.  When I talked to his lawyer on the phone though, he told me to try anything that I wanted, because Trace hadn’t been cooperating with him from the start.  The guy knows Trace is innocent, but it’s like...he plead not guilty and now he’s not even trying to help himself.  It’s like he doesn’t care, and now that I know the facts, I can understand why.  “You have to say something.  You can’t just rot in prison.”

“You shouldn’t care.  Just go, go back to him, go live your life.  If you can, check in on Kristy for me.”  He pushes himself up from the table and motions for the officer to come over to us.  “I’ll see you around, and...I’m...I’m sorry for all that shit I said to you.”

I just stare at him.  An apology? Really?  Has he found Jesus or something?  I’m not sure, but it’s like...he’s changed a lot.  He’s a different person now that he’s in prison.  That’s what it took to make him stop acting like a fucking asshole.  He’s actually tolerable now.  Someone that I might be able to get a long with in the real world.

But he’s stuck in here.  

There has to be something I can do.  

“Apology accepted,” I whisper.

He genuinely smiles for me as the officer grips his upper arm and begins to lead him away.    “Bye Abbey.”

He disappears behind the heavy steel door, and soon the only thing I can see is a portion of his retreating backside through the tiny window.  Then he’s gone, and all too soon I’m back on the city street, stunned, and confused as hell.  I decide to walk part of the way back to the penthouse, taking the conversation in, trying to figure out if I should tell Justin about it, and what the hell I can do to help Trace.  When I walk in the door, I find the boys and Francine seated in a semi circle on the floor, playing a game that she brought with her.  Naturally, the boys run to me, hug me around the waist and start to tell me all about their day.  It takes a lot of effort me to focus on them, and when I glance at Francine, I can tell she knows there’s something off with me.  She won’t ask questions though.  She knows when to back off, and soon enough she says goodnight to me and tells me she’ll see us in a couple of days.  Then it’s just me, the boys, and the burly guards who have been sitting on the couch watching TV.

I look at the clock.

If Justin comes home on time, he should be walking in the door any minute.

I’m not prepared.  I hate lying to him, being secretive.  But if I tell him...what happens then?

Lucinda has the boys help roll out some dough for the biscuits she’s making with tonight’s dinner.  I sit on the sofa, far from the bodyguards, anxiously staring at the clock and waiting for the moment Justin decides to walk into the house.

“Anybody home!”

Five forty five on the fucking dot.

Sometimes, especially today, I wish he was still that selfish workaholic asshole I met on the first day.

The worst part? He’s in a great fucking mood.  The boys have ran to him, eager to talk to him.  He picks Davey up and swings him over his shoulder as he walks into the living room where I’m still sitting.  He smiles at me brightly, while Davey laughs loudly and Austin dances around him.  He quickly dismisses the guards for the evening and they make their usual discreet exit.

“Hey.” He leans down and gives me a light kiss, before plopping Davey down next to me.  “You have a good day, baby?”

“Yeah.”  I nod and manage to smile a little.  “You?”

“It was good.”  He nods and sits down on the other side of me, draping and arm over my shoulders and pulling me down against his chest.  “The press have started to back off a little bit.  I think we should be able to breathe before the trial starts.”

I nod, but dont’ say anything as I gaze at the buttons on his dress shirt.

“I figured you’d be happy about that,” he says, obviously put off by my lack of enthusiasm.

“I...I am,” I say softly.

He stokes my hair a little.  “Something happen today?”

I just shrug.  

“Ab.”

He says it like he can read me like a book, and by this point, I’m certain that he can. I look up at him.  “I...I went out today, without the boys.”

He stares at me for a moment.  “Where?”

“I...I went to see Trace.”

He pulls back from me slightly, and I force myself to sit up.  “What do you mean, you went to see Trace?”

I glance over my shoulder, and find the boys standing there, listening intently to our conversation.  “Boys, go back to Lucinda.”

They do it, although I’m sure they’d much rather listen in on our conversation.  “I just...I just wanted to find out some stuff, that’s all.”

He chuckles softly, and rubs his temples in a circular motion.  “I can’t fucking believe you did that without talking to me first.”

“Somebody needed to,” I grunt.

He glares at me.  “He stole from me, and now you’re fucking defending him!”

“He didn’t steal anything!,” I yell.r32;

“Right,” he leans back harshly against the couch and crosses his arms.  “I’m sure that’s exactly what he told you.”

“It’s Sydney.  He doesn’t have solid proof, and he’s not trying to get her to take the fall for this.  It’s just...it’s her, Justin.  I know it’s her.  She had access to all of his accounts, he gave her his passwords so she could help him with some filing from home.  He never told you because he knew you wouldn’t like it.”

He just sits there, staring straight ahead, a stone cold expression on his face.  I feel like I’ve just sabotaged his entire day.  He was high on life when he walked through that door, and now I’ve just made him feel completely betrayed, but damn it...I know there was good in what I did.  There just has to be.  “Talk to him.”

“I’m done talking about this,” he says darkly.  “Just...don’t do it again.  Shit, Abbey...I mean, what the hell are you thinking about?”

I stand straight up and ball my fists at my sides, before he can get off the couch himself.  “I had my doubts, and I went with my gut,” I snap at him.  “I’m not stupid. I’m trying to find out what really happened, so you can sleep at night!”

“I already know what happened,” he grumbles.

“No, you don’t.”  I narrow my eyes at him and glare a little before walking away, and joining the boys in the kitchen.

“Come on, Ab.”

His voice comes quietly after a while.  I’ve been focused on the boys, helping them with the food, so I barely look at him, until I feel him up against me from behind, kissing my neck a little bit.  “Stop,” I mutter, and turn to push him away.

“You really think he’s telling the truth don’t you?” He whispers, not allowing me to ignore him this time.

“I just told you that,” I huff.

His eyebrows furrow, and his face twists up into a confused frown.  I know he’s not sure what to think.  I’ve completely surprised him, but at the same time I think he realizes that I wouldn’t lie to him about something this important.  I’m sure he’s fighting some kind of terrible battle with himself, trying to figure out if he should go talk to his best friend or not.  “What am I supposed to do?”

I shrug and turn back to the boys.  “That’s up to you.”

Dinner is eaten very quietly.  The boys know that there is tension between Justin and I because they keep their gazes focused on their food and nothing else. It’s bad for them.  I wish this thing would just blow over already so we could all move on with our lives.  
Better yet, I wish Justin would get his head out of his ass and realize that he’s not always right about every damn thing that goes on.

“I’ll go,” he says it suddenly as our dinner plates are cleared by Lucinda and dessert is brought out.

I stare at him for a moment, not sure if I heard him right.  “What?”r32;
“I’ll go there, to see him,” he nods.  

“What made you change your mind?”

“You’ve never...you’ve never lead me wrong before,” he says quietly.  “Why would you now?”

I only smile.  I know it’s the only thing I can do, because the Justin I’ve come to love so much is shining through to me right now, doing what’s right.  That’s not just anybody sitting inside a prison cell, that’s his best friend, he knows that, and I can just tell...he’s going to do whatever he has to, to get to the bottom of the situation.  For the first time, he really senses the twist in this whole thing, the possibility of Trace’s innocence.

I guess I wasn’t so wrong to do what I did, after all.

I never thought any woman would feel the way that Abbey does about me.  Danielle was getting there, but I held myself back from her way too much, and I know it’s why she left me.  I tried to be that way with Abbey too, but something inside wouldn’t allow me to do it.  My emotions have buckled when it comes to her.  She’s everything...her and the boys, even if I can’t say the three words she wants to hear.  It’s an issue of mine and I’ll admit that I don’t fully understand why I have such a problem admitting how I feel about her.  It’s like this blockage inside of me, telling me that I have to protect myself, and that this is the best way to do it.  It’s like if I don’t say it, and she leaves, I’ll be that much better off.  It’s stupid and messed up.  I mean, we’re into it so deep now that I can’t see a reason why Abbey would want to leave.

Once things calm down and I take us all away for a week or so, maybe I’ll be able to come to terms with some more things.  Maybe I won’t be so afraid of those things she talked to me about in bed that night.  I still feel like shit for ignoring her like I did.  I was just...afraid, that I’d say the wrong thing and upset her.  The day after she told me she loved me, it was all I could think about at work.  I tried to reason with myself, tell myself that I owed it to her to discuss it more rationally, to give her a better explanation than the one I gave her the night before.

But I just couldn’t do it.  I ignored it instead, prayed that Abbey would go with the flow.  She did, and that should have made me feel a lot better.

But it didn’t.

I’ve been bombarded at work, overwhelmed to the point where I’ve locked myself in my office and threatened to fire anybody who disturbs me, but somehow I’ve managed to keep that mood away from boys and Abbey.  I know I have to be different with them now, and making that much of an effort really tires me the hell out.  I wish the world would just stop for a day or two, allow me to catch up and try to get things more in order than they are right now, but that’s impossible.

All that, and I still have to figure out what’s really going on with Trace, even though I don’t want to see him.  Abbey though...I know she wouldn’t have made as much of an effort if she didn’t believe the things that she told me.  She’s too strong willed and she dislikes Trace entirely too much.  I was really angry when she first told me she’d gone to see him, but I eventually realized why she did it, and I forced myself to understand.  She really believes he’s innocent and she wanted me to see that, she wanted to give me a reason to pay him a visit.  If it means getting my best friend back though, I guess I’m willing to try, even though I’ve been really stubborn these past couple of weeks, telling myself that he’s a piece of shit.

I’ve been forced to take a step back now, reevaluate things.  Mac thinks I’m nuts.  He went ballistic when I asked him to help me with this visit, warned me, told me that I shouldn’t be going to see him, that it would only make the media more aggressive towards me if they found out.  But I promised Abbey I would at least go talk to Trace if nothing else, and breaking a promise to her at this point would be a big mistake that I can’t afford to make.  Mac finally gave into my wish, only on the condition that I would bring him with me, and I agreed because I didn’t want a problem.  I know his intentions are good and he’s only trying to protect me from what could potentially turn into a big issue.  A big part of me still wishes I could make this trip on my own though.  I’d be able to act uncivilized, perhaps punch Trace in the face if I felt the need.

I’m still that angry at him.

“Can I ask what this is all about?”  Trace’s lawyer, Ernie, asks Mac as we are patted down and processed through the metal detectors inside the prison.  

“My client would like to ask your client a few things,” Mac tells him once we have been cleared to go through by security.  “He has a right to do that.”

“I really don’t see how this is going to help anything,” Ernie whines as we are lead down a long, dismal hallway by a couple of officers.  “The trial is a week away.  We have our plan set in place, and this is only going to make things more difficult for everybody involved.”

Neither myself or Mac respond to his griping.  There would be no point, because I’m not turning back, and Mac would never do it because he knows I would find another lawyer if he did.  It forces Ernie to press on, he has no choice, because if something is brought up in this conversation today that could help Trace’s case, it’s his job to work on it.

We’re led into a small interview room which I’m sure is reserved for inmates and their lawyers.  It’s small, too small for four people to sit and talk comfortably, and when the door closes, I immediately realize just how uncomfortable I am.  All I can think before Trace is lead into the room is what the hell did I let Abbey talk me into, and when the door opens again, and Trace is led into the room by a guard and forced to sit down, all I want to do is get the hell away from him.

But it’s too late now.

The door closes and Trace immediately looks to Ernie, as if to ask him what the hell I’m doing here.

“Justin wanted to talk,” he explains to Trace quietly.

“Yeah?”  

Trace finally looks at me, and I stare back at him like I don’t know what the fuck to say.  I mean, I know why I’m here, and what I need to discuss with him.  Abbey went over it and over it with me, so much that it’s been drilled into my brain.  But he’s glaring at me with so much hatred in his eyes, and he looks so worn out, so torn apart, that I can’t find the words.

“So you wanna talk now,” Trace laughs and leans back in his seat, casually crossing his arms over his chest.  “Let me guess, Abbey told you about our little visit, right?”

I look down at the table.  “I just...”

“Fuck you, Justin,” he says darkly.  

My head snaps up and I rise slightly from the table, feeling Macs hand on my shoulder, trying to keep my temper at bay.  “What was I supposed to think when I found out the money was missing?” I seethe.

“You could have came to me, and I would have figured it out!” He snaps at me.

“You never told me about Merril Lynch,” I grit out.  “I couldn’t fucking trust you once I found that out.”

“Oh I bet Trump told you right? Nice of you to fill me in so I could explain, but I guess that’s what happens when your head is shoved up your ass twenty four hours a day!”

“Like you’re any better!”

“Would you two calm down please!” Mac yells and forcefully pulls me down into my chair.  “This is going nowhere.  You said you were going to be able to keep your head, Justin.”r32;
I just sit in the chair and glare at Trace, angry and confused all at the same time.  

“When that happened...” Trace speaks up slowly, moments later.  “At Merrill Lynch...I...I was having a drug problem.  I needed money, and the guy I was working with told me I could have a cut if I helped him fudge over the books.  He was my boss so I just went with it.  It was stupid.  I regret it, and...I didn’t tell you because I was trying to start my life over.  I didn’t need that shit haunting me anymore.”

“Yeah, well look where it got you,” I grunt.  “If I knew maybe...”

“You should have trusted me regardless,” he interrupts, sternly.  “Justin, in all these years when I have I ever lied to you?  When have I ever tried to fuck you over?”

He’s right.  I sit back and take it all in.  I didn’t listen to him.  I didn’t try to ask him about it, because we’d been having issues anyway due to my situation with Abbey.  I should have cleared my head.  I should have just asked him if he was taking money.  Fuck, sitting here with him now, I know he would have told me the truth and gotten to the bottom of it.  I didn’t trust him enough.  My own partner.  The one...the only one...who helped me get to where I am today.

I’m starting to feel horrible, really horrible for the first time since he was arrested.  

“I mean, yeah, okay, I’ve been pissed about Abbey,” he tells me.  “But I didn’t get it and...I guess, maybe I’m starting to.  I shouldn’t have been such a dick about it.  Things have been fucking nuts since your brothers came out here too, Justin.  Lately I’ve felt like you could care less how hard I’ve been working to make you look good.  When Trump came and he didn’t want me around, I knew he remembered me.  I knew he would probably tell you about my past too, but I didn’t count on all of this happening.”  He rubs his hands over his face and through his messy hair.

I know he’s being the most honest and genuine he’s been with me in a very long time.  “So who fucked with the money,” I whisper.

He shakes his head.  “Just get out of here,” he whimpers.  “Just go.”

“Damn it.”  I pound my fist on the table and he finally looks at me.  “Why the fuck are you gonna take the fall for somebody else?”

“I have my reasons,” he mutters.

“Well I’m not gonna fucking let you, and if your lawyer here is as great as he claims, he’d be forcing you to tell him!”  I revert my angry glare to Ernie.  “Why are you just letting him rot in prison?”

“I have no evidence!” He yells.  “What would you like me to do, Mr. Timberlake? Pull it out of my ass?”  He gets up and angrily tosses his chair to the side.  “I’m tired of this shit. I quit!”

The three of us stare at him, open mouthed as he bangs on the door and calls for the guard to come let him out.  The door opens, and Ernie doesn’t look back as he storms out.

“Mother fucker,” Trace scoffs and puts his face in his hands.  “That’s just great.”

I give Mac a pleading look, and despite the fact that he’s rolling his eyes, I know he’s going to give in.

“If you tell me what’s going on, I’ll represent you,” Mac tells him softly.

Trace doesn’t answer.

“That offer is about to walk out the door in five seconds,” I warn him.  “Wake the fuck up man.  If...if you’re not guilty of this I want you in the clear.  I want you back where you belong.”

“Even if I tell you...how am I gonna prove it?” He asks softly.  “It’s he said she said.”

“So it is Sydney?” I ask.

He shrugs.  “She’s the only one who could have done it, but I have no proof of that.  It’s better if I just take the heat for this, Justin.”

“Hey, you plead not guilty,” I snicker.

“I was in shock,” he grunts.  “I didn’t know what else to think except that I didn’t do this.”

“I’ll talk to the district attorney,” Mac tells us.  “We can have him meet with you, and you can tell him what you’re telling us.  They can bring her in for questioning, Trace.”

He laughs heartily.  “You think she’s gonna confess?”

“It’s possible,” Mac says.

“She’s not gonna talk to the cops,” Trace says seriously.  “She hates the cops.”

I sit back in the chair, and stroke my chin.  For the first time, I know...I know Trace is innocent.  He didn’t do this.  He would never betray me.  Sydney...she did this, because of her own fucked up desires and she’s willing to let the one person who has stood by her and given her everything go down for it.  “Maybe she’d talk to somebody that she trusts.”

Trace stares at me.  “Like who?  She thinks I’m oblivious.  If I start asking questions she’s going to know I’ve figured the shit out.”

“I could talk to her,” I say.  “If I do it right, she won’t suspect a thing.”

“You,” Trace scoffs.

I shrug.  “She knows I have the means to provide for her.  I’m willing to bet she’d tell me anything I wanted to know if I offered to give her what she wants.”

Trace is silent, starts to think very hard about something, and I let him.  I give him as much time as he needs now, because I gave him none in the beginning of this whole thing.  “I don’t...I don’t want Kristy put in the middle of this,” he says slowly.

“I’ll have Abbey take her for a couple of days,” I reassure him.  “She’ll be fine.”

“Justin can wear a wire,” Mac speaks up.  “We’ll work it out with the DA.  It’s worth a shot, Trace.  I’ll tell them you’ve sought out new council and get the trial pushed back.”

He sighs and shakes his head.  “You’ll never pull it off.  That judge hates me.”

“Why don’t you just wait and see what happens?” I grunt at him, angry that he’s not taking the idea seriously.  “Mac is trying to help you out and he doesn’t have to

“Fine, whatever,” he grumbles and get up from his seat.  “I guess I’ll talk to you soon.”

Mac just nods and I can only stare at Trace as he knocks on the door so the guard will come get him.  I don’t know what the fuck is going to happen, and now...now I’m going to go try and get Sydney to confess all this shit to me? Hell, can I even do it? Am I that deceptive? That persuasive?

I guess I’ll find out.
*************
It’s been a week since I visited Trace.  Mac pulled out all the stops, made sure to sweet talk the judge into giving him a little time to compile Trace’s defense.  From what I’ve been told, it wasn’t easy.  The judge originally was only going to give Mac a three day extension, but Mac is a high priced lawyer and knows how to get his way when it comes to things like that.

He got a months extension, and that’s good.  It’s buying us some much needed time to get Sydney exactly where we want her.  Mac has been consulting with the DA.  I guess he went and talked to Trace with the DA too, and now they all want to see me again on Monday to discuss how this is going to go down.

When I came home that evening from the prison, Abbey was sitting on the sofa in the living room, one of my brothers on either side of her, staring at me with that, ‘I told you so’ look on her face.  I didn’t say anything, just sighed and smiled slightly as I made my way over to her and took a seat beside Davey, before leaning over to kiss her cheek.  

“Issue solved?”

I nuzzled my face into her neck and sighed into her.  “I hope so.”

We haven’t spoke of the situation since.  I think Abbey feels better to know that I believe her, that I’m trying to get Trace vindicated so we can all move on with our lives.  All she wanted to do was prove a point to me, and well...I guess she did it.  I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that I stopped trusting my best friend, just because of a story that was told to me by someone I respect.  I was a fool.  I guess I’ve always been a fool...vulnerable.  Somebody who can’t trust people.  Hell, have I ever trusted Trace? I mean, I let him help me out in the beginning but did I ever actually open myself up to him all the way? No...but now I know that he never told me the truth about his past either.

We’re even.


Drugs are dangerous, and it scares me that his life was controlled by them at one time.  I can now understand why he’s such a hard ass at times, and why that trait was always instilled in me by him when he was teaching me the tricks of the trade.  He’s been through shit, much worse than anything I’ve ever gone through.  I wish he could have told me about it though.  I think...I think I would have listened and tried to understand, especially in the beginning.  Then again, if I’d let Trace’s past slip to some of the people that bumped us up the chain in the beginning of my career, I doubt they would have helped us at all.  He did this to benefit us, to give us careers, and make us strong entities in the Wall Street world.  Where did it get him? Locked in a jail cell.

I hope that one day, he can forgive me for turning my back on him.

Work is better.  Trump is overseas right now, so he hasn’t been up my ass every five minutes about our business venture.  I’m hoping by the time he gets back, the situation with Trace will be sorted out, and we can all get down to business.  Now that I know Trace is innocent, I have no intention on moving forward with the hotel venture without him.  I’ll tell Trump that too, and I know he won’t turn me down.  He wants my business and exposure too badly, even if he acts cocky...acts like he’s in control.

I’m always in control when it comes to my business.

In the midst of everything, I almost forgot Davey’s birthday was this weekend.  Abbey discreetly reminded me a couple of nights ago while she was getting into bed.  I felt like shit that I hadn’t remembered.  Hell, I hadn’t even circled it on my desk calendar at work or had Cheryl make a note of it.  I can remember every client on my account list, and just about everything else that has to do with Goldman Sachs, but I can’t remember something as simple as my kid brothers birthday.

Needless to say, I felt like a loser.

“A lot has been going on,” Abbey tried to reassure me.  “If it constitutes for anything, I’m not upset about it.”

I just shrugged.  “Yeah, but I can’t keep forgetting important shit like this.”

“Hey, isn’t that why I’m here?” she smirked.  “To make you remember your important shit?”

I kissed her lightly on the mouth.  “You’re here for more than just that,” I chuckled.  “I enjoy doing extracurricular activities with you too.”

“Oh please,” she rolled her eyes, but still laughed.

It was the first time we’d had really enjoyable sex since Trace went to prison.  It was like some great weight had been lifted off of the two of us.  No, everything wasn’t settled yet.  There was still Sydney to handle, a plan that needed to be put in place so she would be tricked into confessing exactly what part she played in stealing the money.  For some reason though, I just knew it was going to work out, and Abbey seemed to feel the same way.  We could relax a little bit.  It felt damn good, to say the least.

I suggested we take both the kids to Six Flags to celebrate Davey’s big day, but Abbey said that he might get a little bit freaked out in such a big place.  It angered me a little bit.  I want the kid to snap out of this fragile stage in his life, and all Abbey can seem to do is take things slowly, like baby steps.  It doesn’t make sense to me, but I care about her too much to argue.  After all, she’s with both of them more than I am, and Davey seems very comfortable with the decisions she makes in his life.  He’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him.  He smiles and laughs, even talks every now and then. That’s why I gave in when she suggested we go to Victoria Gardens in Central Park, even though I knew Austin would be bored as hell.  It’s a kiddie park, but then again, it’s not Austin’s birthday.

“This is boring.”  Austin turns around and leans against the railing while I wait for Davey and Abbey to come around the tracks again.  “Why couldn’t we go to the big park?”

“When it’s your birthday we can go to the big park.”  I plaster a smile on my face as the little train makes it’s way past us again, and wave stupidly at Abbey and Davey as they wave at the two of us.  

“You shoulda let Kristy come,” he mutters.  “At least we could be bored together.”

I’ve kept the reason that Kristy can’t come around from him, and I know Abbey has as well.  It would be too weird to explain everything to him.  Of course he knows that something in going on.  The bodyguards and paparazzi have proven that, but the less details he knows, the better.  “I couldn’t.”

“Why?” He grunts.

“She’s...she’s busy with her mom right now,” I explain gently.  “I’ll try to get her to come over soon though.  Maybe next week or the week after.”

“Somebody in school told me that Trace stole a lot of money from you.  I bet that’s why she can’t come over anymore.”r32;r32;That’s great.  I’m glad I’m paying thirty grand a semester to send him to Dalton, so he can learn more about my personal life.  “It’s complicated,” I grunt.  “And nothing you need to concern yourself with.”

He’s quiet as he turns back around to observe the slow moving train.  I know he gets it, and by now he knows when and when not to push a subject with me.  Hell, I only just gave him back his x-box the other day because he’s been behaving so well.  “You wanna go play the whac-a-mole?”

He eyes me slightly.  “That’s dumb.”

I lean over the railing and laugh a little.  “Yeah, you’re right.”

“I’d beat you anyway.”

“You think so, huh?”

He nods.  “I used to beat mom all the time at the county fa...”  He stops, mid-sentence, obviously having caught himself in a happy memory with our mother.  It’s the first time he’s mentioned her since the Hamptons, and it’s awkward for him.  It’s even more awkward for me.

“It’s okay, Aus,” I reassure him with a slight pat on his back.

He jerks away from my touch and looks down at the ground.  “No, it’s not,” he whispers.  “I...I know you don’t like it when I talk about her.”

He’s right.  It’s the shittiest I’ve felt all day.  “You...you can talk about her.”

“I hate talking about her with you.”

He walks away from me.

Fuck, I can’t win.  I thought things were better...that we were getting somewhere.  I guess it’s harder than I thought, breaking through to him.  It’s taking a lot longer than I would have hoped and maybe...maybe that’s my fault for pushing him, for making him pack up his life in day to come live out here with me.

But I didn’t have a choice.

“What’s wrong with Austin?”

I turn to face Abbey.  The ride has ended and she’s standing before me while Davey tugs on her hand, willing her to move on to the next ride.  “He’s being temperamental,” I say, trying to laugh it off.  “Don’t worry about it.”

She’s staring after him like she knows I’m full of it, and before long she’s placed Davey in my care and gone after him.  I know he’ll talk to her about it, and that’s fine.  It’s better that he can confide in one of us, even if it isn’t me.

“Justin, I want to go over there!”  

I look down at Davey and he’s pointing to someplace in the distance.  I can make out a kiddie speedboat ride, and I just know he wants me to get on the thing with him.  I groan inwardly.  It’s not my thing, looking like an asshole, but I think Abbey would slap me right now if I went over there and tried to make her do this instead of talking to Austin.  So I suck it up and take him.  I get in the little boat and my knees are up to my chin, but Davey is getting a kick out of it.  The thing literally goes about a half a mile an hour.  It’s the most boring thing ever, but I don’t let my feelings show.  Davey’s smile is too wide, and he’s having way too much fun.  I’m not going to be the one to spoil it for him.  Hell, I already killed Austin’s mood.

Davey manages to get me on the Fun Slide, the Mini Mouse, and the Happy Swing with him before I’m finally able to persuade him to come find Abbey with me.  I find Abbey and Austin a few minutes later sitting quietly on a bench that overlooks the rest of the amusement park, eating some cotton candy.  His head is resting on her shoulder.  I know he’s upset, and damn...I just...I hate it.  I want him to suck it up.  “What’s the problem?” I grunt.

Abbey looks over her shoulder as she rubs Austin’s back.  “We’re just taking a break,” she tells me, the look in her eyes saying more than what she’s letting on.  

“Austin,” I say gently.  “Look...it’s not a big deal about Mom, okay?”

He sniffles a little bit and slowly looks back at me.  “I just...I just miss my mom and dad,” he whispers.

I just stand there, not knowing what the fuck to say to him.  Davey is very quiet.  I can feel him digging his fingers into my thigh, and I have to pry them off.  

“How about we go to Serendipity.”  Abbey offers after a moment, obviously trying to lighten the mood somewhat.  “You love it there, right Davey?  I hear they have a Happy Birthday Sundae.”

He nods.  I take it as a cue to get the hell out of here.  “Yeah, lets go.”  I take Davey’s hand again, and Abbey immediately jumps up from the bench, persuading Austin to follow suit.  I call Quincy, and he meets us at the nearest street corner, and we head to the ice cream parlor.  It’s crowded, but I’m thankful for the noise.  It’s a nice distraction from the miserable mood both of my brothers are now in.  Christ, all this drama over whac-a-mole?

I should have thought twice I guess.  I mean....that was my moms favorite game at the fair.  I’m an idiot.

We all get massive sundaes, and pass them around in a circle so we can all have a taste of each others.  I really love this place.  Before Abbey, I’d only been once.  Trace took Kristy out for her birthday, but we’d been so eager to talk business that I’d joined them for ice cream.  It was sick.  I’m trying not to be that way so much....

But damn it, now my phone is ringing.  

My hand immediately grabs it out of my pocket, on reflex.  Abbey stares at me as I hold it in front of me and look at the screen.  I know she doesn’t want me to answer but...this is important.  I spend the next twenty minutes on the phone with Dennis, talking about profit margin and an increase in a few stocks that we’ve recently bought into.  Fuck, I know Abbey is livid because she won’t even look at me.  Austin has his head on the table, and Davey is just staring into space.

“Really, Justin?” Abbey grunts the second I finish the call.  “Was that necessary?”

I roll my eyes.  “Come on, it was an important call.”

“Right.”

She looks back at her ice cream and I know I’m screwed.  She’s pissed, and I should have known better.  “Sorry,” I mutter.

“You do it all the time.  I haven’t said anything, but I’m really sick of it, and I’m sure the boys are too.”

“Hey, I’ve been cutting back.”  I say, as I shove a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth.  “A lot’s been going on.”r32;

“Still, it’s Davey’s birthday,” she scowls.  “I thought you would have at least turned the damn thing off for a couple of hours.”

I shrug.  “I can’t.  I’m on call for the moment.”

“Business first,” she laughs sadly.  “I forgot.”

“That’s not fair,” I grunt.

“It is.”  She nods.  “C’mon boys.”  

She gets up from the table and the boys immediately do the same.  Austin won’t look at me.  He just seems sad and disappointed, and Davey has gone into one of his infamous trances.  “Wait,” I call out to her as she starts to walk off with the boys.  “You’re not giving me a chance!" 

She stops, sighs and looks back at me.  “I’m not happy with you right now.”

I shrug.  “I’ll make it up to you...all of you.  Let’s have Quincy take us to the mall or something.”

She shakes her head.  “You can’t just buy us out,” she says sternly.  ‘I know that’s what you’re going to do, Justin.”

She’s trying to make a point with me, but damn it, I’m not in the mood for any of this.  I don’t really give a fuck about what I’m supposed to be doing.  It’s my damn life.  This is the way I live it.  “I have a job to do,” I tell her.  “Things are complicated right now and the people that work under me, need my input.  I’m out with you three when I could be conferencing with my partners.  I’d appreciate a little gratitude.”

“They’re more important than the damn office!” She yells at me as she points to the boys.  “Things have been hard enough, what with guards and press and everything!  Can’t you just pay attention to us for more than a couple of hours a day!”

People around us are whispering and glancing at us. I just want to get the hell out of here.  “Abbey...”

“Screw you.”  She takes the boys by the hands and yanks them out of Serendipity, leaving me to pay the bill and be embarrassed as hell in public.  But I refuse to let it get me down.  I pay the bill...and then, I call Dennis back.  He’s happy to hear from me.  He doesn’t care that I’m supposed to be family man of the year right now.  He’d rather that I be on the phone with him.  It’s where I belong, after all.  This is my life.  I’ve been trying to juggle all of this...family and work, and maybe....maybe I’m just not cut out for it.

Maybe when I get Trace out of jail, I’ll stop trying so damn hard.  My feelings for Abbey aren’t going to change of course, but if she can’t understand they way I need to run my business, there’s no sense in putting this much effort into ‘family time’ with her.

I’m just not cut out for it I guess.

I love my money too much, even now.  Even when I have the best girl in New York City on my arm and two brothers that love me more than anything in the world

I know I’ll never change, and that’s a harsh fucking reality to face.

In a million years I never imagined that falling in love with a woman would be easier than reconciling with my best friend.

But it has been.

I just...let go that night.  I looked at her with her makeup running, her eyes filled with a longing, one that told me how badly she needed me, and I felt something inside of me crack.  That one last barrier inside of me, the one that desperately tried to protect me from getting confused and hurt...it was gone.  It was gone and I had to accept the fact that I’d fallen completely in love with Abbey Feldman.  That night in bed was the first time I’d ever been so sensual with a woman.  I listened to her and talked to her while I held her in my arms.  I didn’t take it further, I didn’t try to seduce her because it...it wasn’t the right time for it.  I was using my heart instead of my body parts for once when it came to her.  I couldn’t understand why, I still can’t. I don’t know what makes her so different, why she can mess with my emotions and turn me into a weakling.  She seems have this strange, supernatural power over me that I can’t escape.

But I know I’ll always love her, and I’ll never let anything come between us.  I feel like she’s the only woman I’ll ever be able to love, as crazy as that sounds.  Deep in my mind I can see us getting married and having children.  I tend to shut that out quick, though.  Marriage...I can’t even fathom being married.  My career would kill it, and while I’m now willing to juggle my career and my love life enough to make them both work, I’m not willing to kill my career completely by putting a ring on her finger.

I’m too much of a chicken shit to tell her that, though.

All I can hope is that she doesn’t bring the subject up anytime soon.  We’re going to see her family though.  Even I know being introduced to your girlfriends family is a tell tale sign that your relationship is getting very serious.  I tried not to make a big thing out of it.  The week before we left for Thanksgiving recess I proceeded to focus on work and only work.  With everything that had been going on, certain aspects of my work load had become slightly neglected...in my terms anyway.  Cheryl had been keeping up with certain things for me, telling me that they were all things she could have been doing all along, but I didn’t want to accept that.  I didn’t want to admit to myself that my love life was interfering with my career more than I wanted it to.  

Abbey and I helped Trace and his daughter get settled into his newly renovated apartment, and I for one couldn’t have been happier to get him out of my house.  Don’t get me wrong, I love him.  He’s like a brother to me, and he always will be...but the way we live is on two completely different spectrums.  He’s a slob, plain and simple.  Lucinda was constantly picking his shit up around the house...Kristy’s too, because Abbey refused to do it, and I couldn’t blame her.  It pissed me off that he couldn’t pick up after himself, because I’m a huge neat freak.  Actually, I didn’t realize just how anal I was until Trace came to stay with us.  It’s funny, years ago when we shared that tiny apartment together I never noticed how sloppy he could be.  I guess I didn’t care then.  I was too focused on trying to make my life better.

Trace had been back on the job two weeks before he started to speak his mind.  For a while, I didn’t think he was coming back.  When he first got out of prison he was very withdrawn from society, for the longest time.  Prison had changed my friend.  It made him very mellow, very non confrontational, and he definitely wasn’t thinking about the business side of things.  He spent a lot of his time with Kristy, went on a lot of walks by himself, and spent a ton of time on the phone with who I can only guess was a therapist.  Francine had casually recommended one to him in passing, when she first met him.  He’d been sitting on the sofa looking like the most freaked out person on earth, and I was happy to see him get a little bit of help, even though he acted like he didn’t want any.  I asked him to come back after a couple of weeks of this, but he quickly turned me down.  It shocked me.  Trace Ayala, one of the most miserly people I knew, seemed to want nothing to do with making money.

Then, just like that, he was ready to go again.

I didn’t ask questions because...I don’t think I wanted to hear his reasoning.  The reality was, I wanted him out of my house and out of my face when I wasn’t working so I could figure out things with Abbey.  She had taken his place in a way.  Her opinion mattered, our life together mattered, and everything else came in a close second, including him and his issues.  I welcomed him back to the company, no questions asked.  He was my business partner once more, and I held a board meeting to make sure everybody knew the circumstances.  I could tell there were some that were none too happy with my decision, but I quickly pointed out that those who didn’t agree with my decision could show themselves the door.  Things got back to normal after that.  More than back to normal.  With Trace back on board most of the pressure was taken off of my shoulders, because he seemed to step back in and pick things up like he’d never been gone.

He would make a great CEO, now that I think about it.

But that’s my job.

Work, it had been my only focus just a short while ago.  Even when Abbey and I had first started seeing each other on more than a professional level, I was still focused more on the business aspect of my life.  Then, suddenly, Abbey had taken my life over almost completely.  I hated to admit it...but she was running the show.  If she called me in the middle of the day to tell me she wanted to do something after I got home from work...I was home on time, even if I had a huge workload on my desk and clients up my ass . While Cheryl was happy to keep up with all of that for me, work a little bit extra for the sake of my happiness, my supposed best friend was quick to give me his opinion on the situation.

“You’re losing more than just your focus, Justin.”

I was turned away from him, gazing out at the city skyline, trying to ignore what he was saying to me.  Realistically, I should have known it would only be a matter of time before Trace began to discover my operational slip ups, but I didn’t want to think about it.  I wanted him to turn a blind eye to it, because...I was in love for the first time in my life.  “Everything is fine,” I sighed.

“We’ve lost twelve major clients in the last month,” I heard him say, casually.  “That’s the most we’ve lost since you were promoted.”

I quickly turned to face him.  He was smiling, leaning back in his chair with his hands folded behind his head.  “And you think that’s my fault, right?”

He shrugged.  “All I’m saying is that you haven’t been as focused.  I mean, fucking Christ, you cut off the deal of a lifetime with Trump, and for what? For a woman? I just...” he trailed off, laughed sadly, and ran a hand through his hair.  "I'm trying really hard not to call you a fucking moron right now, but it's almost impossible."

I chuckled, and flashed him a sarcastic smile.  “You just can’t stand to see me happy, can you?” I gritted.

“Justin, I don’t care what you do after work,” he grunted as he lowered his arms and sat up in the chair.  “But when you’re here, I expect you to give the same effort that I do in this partnership.”

He was talking to me like he was my boss, and I wasn’t going to have it.  It was my company.  Trace worked for me, and I knew that he tended to forget that in the past, but things were different now.  We’d taken a huge blow to our partnership, and more so, our friendship.  I was prepared to work with him on all of it, but I couldn’t if he was going to be vindictive.  “You know...I went on a limb for you and let you have your job back,” I told him quietly.  “The least you can do is leave me the hell alone.”

“The company vote is coming up soon,” he reminded me.

I shrugged.  “So? That’s for the department heads downstairs.  It doesn’t effect the executives.”

Trace sighed heavily, and folded his hands, staring down at them for a few moments before looking at me again.  “Maybe it’s time for things to change, Justin.”

I stood back from him a little, crossed my arms, and just stared at him.  I couldn’t believe the things he was saying.  I’d gotten him out of jail, helped him get his life back in order, took care of his kid when he was locked up, even fixed his place for him because his crazy girlfriend had fucked the place up.  Now he seemed determined to undermine me...to...take my job right out from under me.

I couldn’t help but wonder if it was his plan all along.  If he’d been sitting in that jail cell, waiting for his chance to get even with me.  “Are you...are you fucking for real?”

“I do everything around this place,” he snapped.  “From what I’ve heard from certain people, you couldn’t handle the simplest day to day business while I was out of the picture.  I guess I never realized how much shit I’ve done to cover your ass.”  He rose out of the chair then and crossed his arms, pacing back and forth in front of me for a few moments before speaking again.  “I’m going to the board to petition myself for CEO.”

I laughed at him this time, good and hard.  It was ridiculous.  Trace was smart, that was a given, but I was a well liked, respected member of the Wall Street community, and I knew a lot of people that would go to bat for me if they found out what Trace was trying to do.  “You do that,” I said with a smirk.  “But when you fall on your face, you better be prepared for the consequences.  Let’s not forget who was sitting in jail a little while ago.  Do you really think people trust you, Trace?  Hell, I had to hold a board meeting before you came back, just to make it a point that you weren’t to be crucified.”

“You’re not the golden boy you think you are,” he muttered as he turned toward the door.  “Just remember that.”

“You know, if you walk out this is it.  If you get denied...I’ll let you go.  That’s a promise.” I called back to him.  I wasn’t about to back down, because I could tell he was getting a little bit intimidated.  I hadn’t told him about that board meeting.  I wanted him to think the other execs had welcomed him back without incident because they respected him.  The sad fact was that they had formed a less than encouraging opinion about him due to the arrest and trial.  If it hadn’t been for me, his career would have been in the gutter.  

“I won’t lose.”  He said, his hand on the doorknob.  “I do too good of a job to lose.”

“You’re so fucking egotistical, man!”

He whirled back around.  “You’re so busy fucking your girlfriend that you don’t realize your company is starting to fall apart!”

It wasn’t about him taking my job, I knew that then.  It was about Abbey, that I loved her, and that he didn’t have that in his life.  He’d never had it, even when Sydney was alive.  He spent his time with women who loved his money just as much as he did, no one else.  Kristy was a fluke.  A positive one for Trace.  One that he should have been spending more time with.  But he’d taken a nanny in for her the moment he got back into his place.  He never spent his time with her anymore.  Once again, his money had taken over his life.

He expected me to fall back into that same pattern, and I realized that I didn’t care about money as much, for the first time in my life.  I loved Abbey more.  I loved the boys more.  I was the one who had changed for the better.  I was now the type of CEO that I used to detest in the past.  The one who liked to have a life outside of his job, while still maintaining his career.  

And I was happy.  It was the kind of happiness I’d never felt before, not even as a child.  I never wanted the feeling to go away.

“You can’t blame Abbey.”  I shook my head.  “She helped you when I didn’t want to listen.  She’s the reason you’re able to stand here right now and crucify me.”

This seemed to anger him most of all.  “I don’t care what that little cunt did!  She’s just some bitch that you spoil with your fucking money.  You think you love her Justin?  Stop giving her everything and see how fast she leaves you!”

I chuckled sadly and slowly took my seat back behind my desk, pinching the bridge of my nose and sighing harshly.  “I’ll give you the Thanksgiving recess to get yourself a new attitude, Trace.”

“My attitude isn’t going to change!”

I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed my forehead, hating what I was about to say, but knowing I didn’t have a choice.  I had to protect myself, and the company, before Trace took things too far.  “We’ll meet after Thanksgiving recess,” I repeated, once I was able to look back at him seriously again.  “Until then, I’ll be placing you on temporary suspension, with pay.  Leave your keys and ID badge with security downstairs.”

“You can’t be serious.”

I stared him down like I always did when I was about to fire somebody.  “Did I stutter, Mr. Ayala?”

His jaw dropped a little bit.

“Cheryl, I’ll need a security escort,”  I said into the intercom.

Trace didn’t move.  He just stared at me.

“Sir?” Cheryl said.  

“Now, Cheryl,” I repeated.

“Right away, sir.”

“No.”  Trace shook his head harshly.  “I’m not going on “temporary suspension” you fucking prick.”

I raised an eyebrow.

He took his ID badge out of his pocket, along with his keys, and threw them at me.  “I quit!”

The security officers came into my office seconds later.  I didn’t say another word to Trace, just let them escort him out.  I could hear him swearing at Cheryl on his way out, and then his voice got fainter and fainter...

Then he was gone.

I had Cheryl send him his severance.  I don’t think I could sleep nights if I didn’t give him the things he’d earned while working at Goldman.

I haven’t told Abbey.  I haven’t found it necessary.  There’s been too much drama involving Trace as it is.  I’ve been trying to put him out of my mind, mentally wishing him luck.  Maybe it’s what we need, to be apart.  God willing, he’ll get another job with a viable company.  I don’t want to talk him down.  I can’t be angry.  He’s fucked up because of what happened.  Jail changed him.  It’s horrible and sad, and I’ve lost a great friend.  I can’t be held back by it, though.  I have to cope, move on.  Focus on the good things I have... The boys, and Abbey.

I have a few people lined up for Trace’s job when I get back. I won’t make a final decision until then of course, but Dennis is looking good for it.  He’s a smart, enthusiastic guy, who would do anything for the good of the company.  He’s married too, has a couple of kids.  I could probably learn a thing or two from him.  Like...how he holds it together, and what the hell I’m supposed to do if Abbey decides she can’t be with me unless I marry her.

“I’m gonna get you!”

“Nooooo!”

Austin pelts his brother with a snowball.

Davey shrieks loudly as he speeds by me, Austin hot on his heels with another ripe chunk of snow in his gloved hands.  “Be careful!” I laugh as I finish strapping my left foot into my boot.  We arrived here two days ago, and from the moment we entered the cabin, I knew coming here was the right move.  Abbey absolutely loves being here.  I stare into her eyes and can see a million different memories rushing through her mind.  It’s the first time I’ve ever seen this much of a personality come out of her.  She’s taught me a lot about Aspens history and the Rockies since we’ve been here too, things I never knew about, and that’s saying a lot because I’ve been coming to Aspen since I made my first million.  She told me that she used to come here every year with Braeden and his family.

I wish I wasn’t so damn naive to certain things.

I took the mention of that with a grain of salt.  If I’m going to be with her, I need to expect certain subjects to come up, especially while we’re in her home state.  If anything, learning about her past with her “ex” will probably give me an even deeper insight into who she really is.  I think it’s probably the only way I can do it, because bringing that guy up is pretty much out of the question.  I learned that the hard way in the Hamptons.  I’m just thankful she can talk about him a little bit more with me now.

“God, I hate these things.”

“Here, let me fix it.”  I laugh a little as I stop Abbey from fidgeting with her snowboard boots.  She’s not good at this, at all.  I think she’s fallen down more times on this trip than I ever have since I’ve been coming here.  It slows us down on the slopes, but I don’t care.  It’s fun boarding with her.  I’ve never been boarding with anyone.  When I made these trips in the past, I made them alone.

“Justin I don’t know if I should go out today,” she huffs.  “You’re never going to have any fun if I’m slowing you down.  I can stay behind with the boys and have a snowball fight or something.”

“Come on babe,” I flash her a reassuring smile and kiss her forehead before I finish working on her boots.  “The boys have ski camp today as it is.  You know they don’t want to miss that, they’ve been having a good time.”

“I feel like I make you look like an asshole.”

I laugh.  Really, she’s ridiculous.  “You could never make me look like an asshole,” I remind her.  “I’ve made myself look like one, too many times.  Believe me, there’s not chance of you doing it.”

She rolls her eyes.  “Justin...”

I silence her with a long kiss on the mouth, and when I break it I can tell I’ve cured her of anymore insecurities.  “You ready?” I whisper.

She smirks a little bit.  “Yeah, I guess.”

Abbey gets the boys and we walk them to the ski camp they’ve been attending.  Davey gets excited when he sees his teacher and runs up to give her a hug.  It’s great.  He’s really starting to warm up to people.  After the “Dalton episode” I knew I couldn’t question the fact that he needed special education anymore.  It hurt my ego, but Abbey made me understand that I didn’t have a choice.  Brimwood turned out to be a good place once I gave it a chance.  His teacher seems to be really great, patient, and with all the special programs they have to offer, I know Davey will eventually be okay.

Seeing him act like this with a stranger right now, is proving that he’s already changing.

“See you guys later,” I call out as I take Abbey by the hand.

“Why can’t I just come with you?” Austin huffs as we’re about to walk away.

I groan.

“I thought you liked ski camp.” Abbey says as she lets go of my hand and turns back around.

I turn around too, in time to see Austin slap his hands down at his sides.  “I’m the oldest kid here,” he mutters.  

“You need to stick with your brother,” I huff, and nod at him, hoping he’ll get the hint that this is my time with Abbey.

I mean, I love the kid, I do...but I need alone time with Abbey.  As much time as I can get.

“This sucks!” He yells at me.  “This is baby camp!  You promised you’d show me how to snowboard, Justin!”

I did.  I can’t deny that, but I hate that he has such a good memory.  I was going to try to work in a little bit of time on the slopes with him tomorrow, our last day here.  But it’s obvious to me that Austin is bored with the bunny slopes and wants to spend his time with me.  That should make me feel really great...

But I was hoping to get Abbey in a secluded snow bank and make out with her for most of the afternoon.  I can’t do that with a kid hanging around.

“Justin...let’s just take him.  It’s fine,” Abbey reassures me.  

I look at her, and give her a pleading gaze.  

“He’s miserable,” she whispers.  “Wouldn’t you be? I mean, he’s right.  Those kids are all Davey’s age or younger.”

I sigh harshly and gaze up at the sky for a moment.  “Fine, Aus.”

“All right!”

Abbey laughs.  I know I’ve made them both happy, and that’s good I guess but damn, my hormones have been raging for days and it hasn’t exactly been easy to be intimate with Abbey when the cabin bedrooms are in such close quarters.  We’ve fooled around, yeah, but quietly...and certainly not as much as we’ve wanted to.  I won’t hold my sexual dilemma against my kid brother though.  That’s wrong and...kind of sick, so I’ll just take the day as it is and make time for Abbey and I to be alone later.

We walk to the ski lift and I make sure Abbey and Austin get on okay before I get on with them.  I’ve chosen an easy part of the mountain of course.  I’m not jumping out of my boots or anything because it’s not a challenge for me, but I’m content with the fact that I’ll be able to teach my girlfriend and Austin a thing or two before the end of the day.

Hopefully, Abbey won’t fall down half as much as yesterday.

The lift ride is about twenty minutes, and Abbey and I spend that time holding hands and taking in the beautiful view of the mountains, while Austin plays with his iPod the whole time.  I swear to god, the kid is obsessed with that thing.  I’m not a technological guru and I have no idea how to work one of them, but Austin carts it everywhere he goes.  I know it’s engraved on the back, as it was a birthday present to him from our parents.  His last one before they passed.  It’s why I never say anything to him about using it too much, and certainly wouldn’t think of taking it away as a punishment.   

“It was sweet of you to bring him along.”  Abbey smiles at me gently as I turn my attention back to her.  “He’s been talking about snowboarding with you since before we left.”

I shrug a little.  “I would’ve rather spent the time alone with you,” I whisper.

She rolls her eyes.  “If you behave, there will be plenty of alone time for us later.”

I cock my head to the side.  “Yeah...discreet quiet alone time. We can’t even put that hot tub to good use,” I pout.

“Oh yee of little faith,” she cackles.

I lean in closer to her.  “What’re you up to?” I laugh.

“I have ways of getting you alone, Timberlake,” she winks.  “I know people up here, you tend to forget.”

I gasp.  “You found a babysitter?”

“I’m not telling you,” she says, playfully crossing her arms.  “You just better be on your best behavior today, mister.”

I press my forehead into hers and grin.  “Did I forget to tell you how sexy you are today?”

“Hm, you may have.  I won’t let it count against your scorecard tally for the day though.  You got those points back for letting Austin come along.”

“Well, thanks boss.”

“My iPod!”

I gasp and snap my head around to look at my brother.  He’s leaning over the security gate, trying to grab his iPod that somehow fell down onto the bottom rail of our lift.  It slipped through the grates and is only hanging on by the earbud wire.  I know it’s a gonner. “Austin! Sit up!”

“No!” He wails and slides himself underneath our protective barrier.  “My iPod! I’m gonna lose it!”

“Austin! Get back here now!”

I grab for his arm and miss.

“Austin!” Abbey screams.

The whole thing takes about three seconds.  I see his iPod slip away, and then he loses his balance and falls off the lift right after it.  We must be a good ten feet of the ground right now, as we’ve drawn close to the top of the mountain.

“AUSTIN!” I scream.

I see him hit the snowy ground.

He doesn’t move.

Fuck, no.  No. No. No.

“Oh my god!” Abbey cries and covers her mouth.  “Oh my god!”

I don’t think.  “Stay here.”  I yell it to Abbey before I unlock the security gate, and jump down after him.  I can hear her screaming after me, but I dont’ think about that.  The only thing I can think about is my baby brother lying in the snow...hurt...

Dead...

I land on my side.  It kills.  My body is burning and I’m not sure if I’ve just broken anything, but I don’t think about that.  I force myself to my feet and half run, half limp to where Austin is lying face down in the snow, falling to my knees when I finally reach him.  “Austin.”  I yank his goggles and hat off before removing my gloves and turning him over.  There is blood running out of his nose and down his face.  It chills me to the core.  “Austin!” I yell at him and run my hands through his hair and over his cheeks.  “Austin wake up!  Wake up!”  

I’m shaking him.

I can’t lose him.

I can’t lose one more person without getting to say goodbye.

“Justin...”

His voice comes now, weakly, barely above a whisper.  My eyes snap open and I blink away the tears I didn’t realize had formed.  “Aus...”  I laugh a little and smile.  “Buddy, are you okay?”

“My arm hurts,” he whimpers.  “I can’t move it.”

I hear sirens in the distance.  I know the first thing Abbey probably did when she got off the lift was tell the ranger what happened.  “It’ll be okay.” I say, and continue to stroke his forehead and his hair.  “You...you’re crazy, you know?  Falling out of ski lifts over a thing like that.”

He smiles slightly.  I can’t believe he’s sucking up all the pain this well.

Then again, he’s really great at bottling up his emotions.

Kind of like me.

“Will you find my iPod?” He whimpers again, and scrunches his face up in pain, causing more blood to come gushing out of his nostrils.  “Please, Justin?”

I lean down and kiss his forehead.  I never do shit like this, but right now, I’m so damn thankful that all he probably has is a broken arm and a bloody nose that I don’t care how sappy it is.  I...I don’t know what I would do if I lost him.  If I lost either of my brothers.  My heart starts to ache, and I start to cry right there in front of him.  “I’ll try, okay?” I sob.

“I love you Justin,” he whispers.

“I love you too, Aus.”  

I run my fingers through his hair some more and then his eyes close.  He’s passed out because of the pain, and I know that, but it’s better for him.  Soon there are paramedics surrounding us.  Two of them brought a stretcher and two more of them ask me to move aside so they can start to examine my brother.  I step back and cover my mouth with my hand, still trying to take it in that he’s okay...that he’s not dead.

“Justin.”

I turn and I’m immediately wrapped up in Abbey’s arms.  I bury my face in her shoulder and cry so hard.  It’s the hardest I’ve ever cried in front of her.  “I took my eyes off him for a second,” I whimper.  “I thought we lost him.”

“I know.”  She holds me tighter and rubs the back of my neck soothingly.  “So did I.”

I continue to cry, to let all of my fear and pain out through her because I don’t know what else to do.  I realize this is my breaking point.  Seeing Austin fall, get hurt like that is taking me back to my parents death, how I watched their bodies get lowered into the ground, how I barely mourned for them.  It’s too much.  I just...I can’t take it.

“You’re okay,” I hear her whisper in my hear.  “Justin, everything is okay.  Austin will be okay.”

It takes me a few more minutes but I finally manage to look up at her.  She squeezes my hand.  “The paramedics are taking him to the nearest hospital,” she nods.  “C’mon.  Let’s get Davey and go.”

I don’t say a word, I just follow her, because she knows exactly what to do.  She’s here for me, and I realize she’ll always be here for me, because she loves me.

She’s loved me since the first time she told me she did.  I was just too ignorant to accept it, but yet she stayed.  She tried, and I will never ever doubt her feelings for me or my feelings for her again.

How the hell did I get so lucky?  It’s like I was allowed a second chance to better myself.  It’s like she was sent to me somehow.

Maybe, just maybe, somebody up there is watching out for me.  Somebody that I never was able to say goodbye to.  Maybe this is my reward for helping my brothers, for trying to raise them right.  Maybe mom and dad are looking out for me...for my brothers too.

Maybe I haven’t really lost them after all.