Tennessee, April 6, 2011

"... after the video shoot, it's promotional madness for Bad Teacher in Los Angeles, the press junket is Thursday, then  you have Saturday Night Live, and then you have to the promotional shots for Sony and Friends with Benefits, the summer is going to be nonstop for you..."

Justin dropped his Blackberry into the cup holder, listening to his manager continue rattling off things through the speakerphone.  He fiddled with his hat, adjusting his glasses for the twentieth time. 

He needed this break.

He was admittedly a workaholic. He enjoyed being nonstop, knowing he always had something to do comforted him in a weird way. His schedule wasn't his current issue.

It was him.

 His hands wrapped tightly around the wheel of the tiny rental car as it rolled to a stop. He glanced to his right and sees the sure sign that he was closer to home. This stop sign saved his sanity every single time. The General Store. A smile waved across his face. That store was the staple of his childhood, simpler times. It also meant he was closer to where he really wanted to be. Home.

"... You will have a couple free days once you're back but don't count on having anytime to get in the studio..." His manager continued to ramble.

He loved everything about this place.

He rolled down his window, breathing in the fresh Tennessee air, the smell of fresh cut grass rushed through his senses. As he rounded the corner of a familiar street, he stopped listening to anything his manager had to say, he was in the old neighborhood. He passed each house on the left and right of him slowly, taking in every detail again. The stone wall led him into the driveway of a place that comforted him.

Home.

Heartbreak and let downs were a part of his life, as hard as it was, he managed to find a way to get used to that feeling. His knee-jerk reaction would be to jump on a plane and head home when he was heartbroken, mend his issues and then get back to reality. But this trip home wasn't about mending a broken heart, even though most would assume he was. Surprisingly he wasn't heartbroken, even after his breakup. This trip home was work, among other things.

His new venture was his first attempt at directing music videos and he was going to do it with the likes of his up-and-coming artists who was about to blow the roof off of the industry. They were ready, they were bursting at the seams ready to do this, but he wasn't so ready. Even though he had directed a couple commercials and a couple tours, he was scared he would fail at this task. He had someone else's life, livelihood, and career in the palm of his hands. He had the possibilities of making or breaking the career of guys who truly deserved the chance at big things.

"Justin?"  His mother jumped up from the flowerbed of her front lawn, tossing her gardening gloves to the ground, rushing towards him. "What are you doing here?" She asked confused.

"Hi Mama!" Justin grabbed his bag out of the backseat of the car, shutting the door behind him. "It feels incredible to be home." He said relieved.

Lynn clutched a hold of him, embracing him with a hug the way she always did when she saw him. She examined the look in her son's eyes and his body language. She knew her son better than anyone did, something wasn't right.  "Everything okay? You weren't supposed to be home for a couple days."

"I just wanted to be home Mama. I wanted to see you." He smiled, "I managed to rework some things in my schedule ..." Justin's words trailed off. He was just happy to be home.

"I could've picked you up at the airport; you didn't have to rent a car..."

"I wanted to drive..."  He muttered. "Clarity at its best."

With that statement, Lynn knew that something was wrong or at the least different about her son. Something had changed him. "Well... let's get you in the house. Dinner will be ready..."

"I'm..." Justin interrupted his mother, something he rarely did. "I was actually thinking I would just go for a drive..."

"Justin Randall... Are you okay?" She asked again, but this time she asked in her worried mother voice.

"I'm fine Mama." He snapped, "I want to see these locations they have picked for the video."

"There will be a plate in the oven for you, just heat it up." She said thinking that particular look in his eyes hasn't been seen in a very long time. She wrapped her arms back around him; seeing the look in his eyes wonder into somewhere else as she pulled away. "It's so great to see you."

Justin piddled his way in the house, dropping his overly priced Gucci luggage into his bedroom. Examining all the things his mother had kept over the years, all his career momentous. He would never understand why she kept some of the things she did but he enjoyed getting a glimpse of a time in his life when he was living life just for the music and returning to Memphis to live his normal life before being back on the road again. He didn't have that option anymore.

He loved his job, he really did, but he loved it here. He always counted on coming back here, with a wife and living happily ever after in this small town. He thought if he stabled himself in his career, he would commute back and forth, live the best of both worlds. But here he stood, in his childhood home, with neither. Getting married had become something he didn't see any more at all, and commuting was just out of the question.

His experience with Hollywood had run its course.  Attending the hottest parties, clubs, or even the sunshine wasn't all it was cracked up to be. When that sun goes down, the dark side of Hollywood was full of lies, deception, and betrayal. Everyone had an agenda, and if you walk into their path it would only end badly.

*-*-

The morning birds were chirping and sun was rising into the sky as Justin watched with a piping hot cup of coffee in hand, his glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, staring off into the distance. He had been awake for hours staring at the skyline, waiting for the sun to rise.

He had spent the entire day before with his family and friends reminiscing about everything. But the silence, which usually was defining, was just what he needed on this morning. His mind had been racing with the million things that needed accomplished, until he heard the silence. But with the silence comes reality. Their conversations forced him to face the things he hadn't thought about in quite some time. He was also face with the things he never saw to begin with.

He stood, returning to the kitchen for a refill when he saw his unfinished task staring back at him. A lonely corner of the deck, pieces of the gift he had gotten for his mother, three Christmases ago. He always promised he would finish it, but one thing led to another leaving it not a priority and it was still in the shed, in pieces.

His parent's house was surrounded in stone, but his mother had dreamed of adding an extended terrace onto the deck that Justin, Trace, and Paul had managed to finish three summers ago. Being the great son he was, he purchased all the materials, worked diligently on getting it finished but ended up only accomplishing one corner before having to rush back to Los Angeles because he girlfriend at the time was going through one of her many meltdowns.

So there sat, unfinished.

He shook his head, disgusted in himself.

Hours later...

Lynn watched from inside the house her son nail by nail, board by board, hour by hour, making some headway on finishing that terrace. The Tennessee sun was beating down on his bare back, the temperature was climbing but he continued to nail away, inching closer to a finished product. Each time she would  asked if he needed something, he would only reply with a no and some kind of smart ass comment about just getting this done before he had to get down to the video shoot.

The front door cracked open, Lynn turned to see who was entering her home before yelling down the hallway, "In here."

Kinley, nervously walked down the hallway of an unfamiliar house. "Good afternoon ..." she finally said when she saw the petite, curly hair woman standing in the kitchen, staring out the window.

"That son of mine..." Lynn sighed heavily. "He needs to relax, that's why he is here... and he won't stop."

Kinley looked out the window to see Justin readjusted his tool belt around his jeans, sweat rolling down his chest, dripping to the ground, his abs of steel glistening from the sweat and the sunshine. She felt her mouth becoming dry and her focus became precisely on him. Nothing else in the world mattered as she watched him adjusting the tool belt along his waist.

Fuck. She kept saying to herself.

When she was giving the task of delivering a stack of photos to an address, she never expected herself to be standing in Lynn Harless' kitchen, let alone watching her enormously hot, half naked son make her thoughts run wild with what she wanted to do to him.

"He is stubborn and should have simply hired someone to finish that, but he insisted that it had to be done his way..." Lynn turned back to see the tall brunette with a hat covering most of her face.

"I was told to bring these over to this address..." Kinley managed to spit out handing Lynn the photos. "I thought I was going to be an extra for this video, but it looks like I've turned into some kind of errand girl." She laughed.

"Those are for Justin..." Lynn handed them back to her, "Please... could you take them out to him, maybe he will stop killing himself."

Suddenly Kinley's feet felt cemented to the floor. She was going to have to speak to him. She was going to speak to Justin. Timberlake.  She couldn't' think straight with that tool belt wrapped around his body, it was driving her insane with rampant thoughts.

Slowly, but surly she made herself out to the deck. Justin continued to pound away on each nail head, pounding them with such force.

"Excuse me." She blurted out. "I have these for you." Her body covered in nervousness chills.

Justin turned back quickly, hearing an unfamiliar voice, snapping back with attitude, "Just lay them there..." He pointed to the table across the porch before returning to the hammer and nails. "I'll look at them when I have time."

Instantly Kinley lost her interest in him. He had lost all of his hotness in just a split second. Yes, he was busy, and the tool belt riding low on his waist was sexy but that didn't give him the right to be rude. He wasn't the southern gentleman she thought he was going to be. She dropped the photos on the table and exiting faster than he could turn around.

Justin hummed a melody that had been stuck in his head all day, over and over. Even with the blaring playback of the music, he had this melody he couldn't get out of his thoughts. He couldn't figure out where it came from or why it wouldn't go away.

"Right there... No move over there, the lighting is over there." Justin directed Free to where Justin thought he should be standing. "NO THERE." He yelled.

Free walked across the open field, pulling Justin aside. "What is wrong with you today man."

"Nothing." Justin snapped.

Free eyebrows rose, causing his forehead to crinkle. "Don't nothing me. Clearly there is something wrong."

"Busy." Justin snapped again, turning away from everyone.

Free stepped back for a minute before pointing out at everyone standing around them. "Everyone is busy. You have seemed on edge for a while now, even before you got here."

"It's the last day of filming. I need to make sure we have everything... we need to get that shot on the bridge before the sun goes down..." Justin knew there was something wrong, he himself couldn't even pinpoint the frustration. There had been events that led him to the place he was standing in today but he refused to decipher any of it to come up with a conclusion. He was good with leaving it all bottled up and stored away for the time being.

 "Who's that?" Justin asked in a daze, watching a gorgeous woman as she leaned against the cement wall. She had a floral halter tank revealing her long, lean torso. Her aviator shades, were perfectly placed under the low military style hat. His eyes zeroed in on her, continuing to study her every feature.

"That's Kinley. She's smokin' hot." He admitted.

"Explain to me who Kinley is? Do I know her?" Justin asked, still staring at her from a far.

"You should know her." Free expressed, "Man I sent her to your house with those photos... and you were a prick to her."

Justin flipped his head back at Free. "That's who was at the house?" He felt his stomach sink to the ground.

"I handpicked that girl for you, sent her on a mission to deliver you something, and you fucked that up bad." He shook his head in frustration.

"Typical." Justin sighed again. "I usually end up with the crazy one, never the good one."

***

After hours upon hours, the final night of filming had come to a close a little after three in the morning. Justin felt a sense of accomplishment after a successful day of gaining some great footage. He glanced across the room, seeing the person he treated unfairly tossing things into her oversized bag. He swallowed his pride, and made a B line for her.

Just as she slung her bag over her shoulder she nailed him in the face. She swore she heard everything in her bag slam against his face. "Oh fuck." She said as he back away from her. He deserved it, she thought. "Fuck. I'm sorry."

Justin ran his hand over his face, checking for blood or broken bones, "I'm the one that owes you an apology. I wasn't nice to you when you stopped at the house. I... I wasn't... I have no excuse, I'm just sorry. You didn't deserve that treatment. It's my issue." He stood there, finding himself lost in the depths of her beautiful green orbs.

He had taken a complete one hundred eighty degree turn from the person he was the last time she spoke to him. "It's okay. It is what it is." She expressed as she lowered her head and nudged softly passed him.

His hand immediately reached out and grabbed her hand, causing her to turn quickly around. He was nervous for a moment with the way she looked at him. He wasn't sure if he should have reached out for her or not, but it was too late to make that decision now.

"We're all going back to my parent's house for some drinks. I would like you to join us." He finally escaped the words.

She wanted to say yes, but she didn't know which side of Justin she was going to get. So, she chose the only answer she knew how to make. "Thanks, but I don't need a pity invite."

Stunned by her coldness towards him, he swallowed a deep, hard breath. "I would never invite someone out of pity, seems pointless to me." Justin felt a twinge in his throat that he hadn't felt before. Rejection. Granted he had been turned down by many women in his life, but this particular time hurt in a different way. This was his fault. The rejection came because he was an asshole and couldn't simply look at the details of his own life.

After a couple moments, he broke the silence. "Well... you know where we will be if you change your mind." He reached out his hand to shake hers, "Thank you for your hard work on the videos. We accomplished a lot in just a couple days." As he let go of her hand, he felt the cold bitter end of his reality begin to set it.

Kinley sat in her car, the keys in the ignition, and the engine shut off. She could see the cars lined up the street. She knew all she had to do was get out of the car. She had been personally invited to Justin's parent's house and there she sat in her car.

"Kinley!" Free yelled, causing her to jump and nearly pee her pants.

She placed her hand over her chest, trying to exhale a breath.

"Kinley, come drink with us!" Free waved his cup from side to side. "Tequila for everyone!"

She climbed out of her car and stepped closer to him, noticing he was double fisting the 901 tequila. He had a serving in the cup and a bottle in the other hand. He reached in giving her a hug, "Here, drink!" he handed her the cup of straight tequila. He leaned in and whispered, "Justin is over there... you should go talk to him."

"He doesn't want to talk to me. I'm good right here."

"Kinley, GO!" He demanded.

Standing in an open field, only she sees him staring into the open sky. His dark grey hoodie covering his lean muscular body, his hat pulled down over his face. She could only imagine he was counting the stars.

"Something you take for granted living in that big ol' city..." She whispered to him.

He recognized her voice, turning with a smile on his face, "Yes. Very much so."

"So why are you out here, all alone? The party is over there." She pointed at the crowd on the newly finished terrace, all chugging back on a bottle of 901.

"Clarity." He said, turning back to look at the empty sky.

She took his words and body language as a sign he wanted to be alone. "Well, I'll let you have your clarity... I'll see you when you rejoin the group."

He reached out and wrapped his long fingers around her wrist. "Stay." He innocently begged.

She nodded her head, not knowing how to respond to his need for her to be there.

Justin lowered himself to the grass, kicking off his shoes. "Come, sit with me."

In the silence, they laid next to each other, their hands touching ever so gently, watching the breeze blow the leaves on the trees. "Why are you being such an asshole to everyone?" She blurted, hoping he wouldn't take it the wrong way. But then she thought about it, what other way could he take it?

Ouch. He felt the strings of his heart tighten as her words poured out. "I'm sorry. I was an asshole to you. I didn't mean to be that way."

"You can continue to say ‘I'm Sorry' till you're blue in the face, there is something deeper going on for someone of your nature to just be an asshole for no reason."

"Maybe I am just an asshole..." He closed his eyes, breathing in her scent.

"Maybe you need to find who you are again..." She smiled, hoping he would see the sincerity in her words and not the negativity.

"Justin, you're an asshole... I can't believe I continue to stand next to you" She rolled her eyes, looking away from him.

Justin swallowed his southern gentleman pride and released a tone he never though he would at her, "Maybe you're right, maybe I am an asshole." He shook his head, "But this asshole, is fucking done." He slammed his hands on the table before propping himself up off the table. He paused for a moment before turning back to her, "I'm the asshole but you never hold your own actions to your own account."

"Justin, please..." She begged.

But it was done. He had finally said the words he had been holding on the tip of his tongue for so long.

"I love you..." She continued to beg. "I can't live without you."

Justin held his strength and exited the house they had shared for nearly four years.

Justin remained silent, staring at the sky. Trying to register the statement he had heard before but never in a way that was so heartfelt, so endearing and so genuine. She wasn't family, she wasn't a friend, and she wasn't someone trying to gain information about him. She was just interested in helping him see through the glass.

 "With her, I lost me." He admitted for the first time, ever. The person he took years to walk away from had taken who he was away from him. "It's funny; you never think you are losing pieces of yourself until you are faced to look at as a whole when it's too late." He sat up, pointed in the direction of the now empty, but finished terrace. "You see that... I put that off for three solid years. It was the only thing my mother wanted and I couldn't find the time to finish it, for the one person that deserved my time. I spent every waking moment trying to make someone that would never be happy, happy..." He shook his head in disappointment, rambling back to his relationship. "I would spend sixteen hours on set, and then drive around Los Angeles like I was lost, taking the longest way home. I could only hope she would be in bed, asleep when I got home. I tried; I really tried to make that relationship work. It just wasn't right. I couldn't be her perfect guy anymore. I may have been the asshole, but I wasn't happy."

She took a hold of his hand, "Perfection isn't what matters. In fact, it's the very thing that can destroy you, if you let it."

With a simple statement, the stress filled eyes released, filling his blue orbs with water, spilling over his eyelids.

Her hand went to his face, wiping away his tears. "I've listened to a song about ‘being yourself', over and over again while we filmed that video... So why don't you remove the hoodie, quit masking whatever part of you that you are hiding. Raise the hat up over your eyes; share those gorgeous eyes with the world and live your life in the moment. Don't let someone else control your actions or make you hide from the world."

He smiled, taking his hands to her face, pulling her into him. His lips ever so gently pressed softly against hers. "Thank you." He whispered, resting his head on her forehead.

Under the stars of that Tennessee sky, Justin found the break he needed.