"I swear you two just need to relearn everything you thought you knew about each other again, in my honest opinion."
"I know that's what you think, but how do think we'd end up?"
"By the end of the first month, either killing each other or friends again. We're hoping for the friendship to be rebuilt."
"You know what he did to me."
"I know, Sam. I saw and heard about all of it. There's still some things that I don't know or have answers for the questions I want to ask."
"Like what?"
"What made you run off like that? What REALLY happened? Why are you more guarded now than you were before?"
"All three questions require a single word answer-Nick."
"There's more to it than that and I'm not stupid."
"Papa, you have no clue how bad he did me."
"Samantha, I'm aware of how bad he can get sometimes. I've known him since he was twelve or thirteen."
"Not when it comes to what he did and said to me."
"Are we ever going to?"
"Most likely not."
"Why?"
"It's my fault for letting him in the way I did."
"Which is?"

I place my feet on the bottom of the lighting rig and walk my feet toward my upper body, stopping when I look like I'm laying face up in a fetal-like position. "Kevvy, it's just a really painful thing to talk about and I'm still healing. Justin's trying so hard to help me and he understands."
"You told him, but won't tell the four of us? We expected you to tell your cousin and his friend, maybe even tell Brian. You had to contradict what we thought you'd do."
"If I didn't contradict it, would I be me?" I point out, glum as I've ever been.
"Sometimes we wonder. If you ever want to talk to Brian, Howie or myself, we're here and will make time for you. We miss you."
"Now comes the guilt trip," I groan, my blue eyes rolling.
"No guilt trip," he sighs. "We care about you and let us know what your decision is three days after Christmas."
"Yeah, yeah, Kev. I'll let you, Howie or Brian know by Christmas."
I sigh heavily and let my legs slam onto the top of the speaker. "I will keep it between Brian and myself if you want."
"Just don't tell Nick or Howie because I want to surprise them."
"You have a mischievous tone, what are you thinking?" he asks, cautious.
"Nick and AJ love to pull pranks and Howie talks in his sleep. Howie finds out, Nick just has to talk to him while he's asleep and will get all info he craves from him."
"Heh, you haven't forgotten. Something that I should keep in mind myself."
"Jazz?" JC calls out for me. Dammit! 
"Papa, I gotta cut this short. I'll call you back later."
"One of them hunting for you?"
"Yeah, the daddy of the five."
"Just text me and we can finish this conversation."
"Thanks, Papa. I will. Love and miss everyone."
"Even Nick?"
"Not one bit."
He chortles and is probably shaking with laughter. "Right, you hate his guts. Talk to you soon."
"Definitely." I hang up and jump off the speaker, having jammed my cell into my pocket. I've been getting braver and braver, slowly getting over my fear of heights. I'm hoping by the time I'm thirty, I'll have enough gumption to jump from a plane 30,000+ feet in the air and parachute to the ground. The speaker I was on was ten feet easy, I had scooted my ass to the edge and jumped, effortlessly landing on my feet.

BAM! My feet hit the floor and JC spins around, looking like he's been frightened. "Jeeze, girl! Between you, Justin, Chris and Joey, you're all going to be the death of me," he confesses, his head shaking side to side. 
"Glad to hear that and to be of help," I remark, facetiously. 
"Why do you insist on doing that?"
"Doing what?" I ask, entirely confused.
"Wanting to help me die early? Consider going on tour with the Backstreet Boys? Taking enough college courses to exhaust a normal 18 year old and only going on 16 in a month and a half?"
"I don't want you to die early, I just love scaring you. Touring with them might help me bury the proverbial hatchet. The college courses are because I want to achieve two degrees by the time I'm 25 and I'm loca in the cabasa," I say, shrugging it all off.
JC rolls his eyes. "Justin's been looking for you for an hour, I've been calling your name for half that. You need to start telling one of us where you're going, shorty."
"Shut it, Chasez!"
"You found Smurf!" Joey yells.
I glare at them both. "You call someone 'shorty' when they're under five two and 'Smurfs' are about nine inches tall, I think, just an FYI-I'm five three," I inform them, tapping my foot and crossing my arms over my budding chest. I ever tell you that I hate being a girl? Well, I do-the tits, whole hips widening thing, the monthly issue and the staring boys. An hourglass figure and a mid C cup bust with huge (albeit awkward) hips. At least my coordination didn't shit the fucking bed, my skin hasn't gone haywire and I'm so bored I enrolled in college and I'll be chasing dance/theater and music degrees. 
They smile in sheer amusement and continue to tease me. "We won't stop calling you shorty or Smurf until you turn 18 or are taller than five six," JC tells me. He has the nerve to tell me that with a priggish look.
"Fuck you both. I'm 16!"
"Not for another seven or eight weeks!"
"It's November 23!"
"So how many weeks is that, smart ass?" James asks, coming out of what seems to be nowhere.
"One day short of seven," I say, matter-of-factly with as much attitude as I can muster toward the three of them.

Justin and Chris are MIA right now, making me worry about what they could be planning or setting up or talking about. 
"You're counting down to the day?"
"Forty-eight, but who's counting?" I shrug and smile.
"Obviously, you." Joey glances at me.
I laugh. "Sixteen is a huge milestone back home," I explain. "Most sixteen year olds are still in high school and have yet to get their license, never mind a car. I'm set for both, done with high school, going into college, and my mom is allowing me to be an emancipated minor with attached stipulations for two years."
"That doesn't surprise me," JC vocalizes. "She already talked to me. When you're with us, you're under James and my care and when you're with the Boys, you're Kevin, Howie and Brian's responsibility. She had posed this to me a year and a half ago."
"I knew there was a reason that Ma kept in touch with those three Boys and you two," I comment, motioning with a finger toward James and JC.
"That's why she kept in touch with us, but I'm not exactly sure why she kept in touch with the other three," James relinquishes the information carefully.
"Either way, I get to have fun, be around good friends, see the world and accomplish things I thought I wouldn't be able to."

"Until it has to do with Nick," James, JC, Joey and Chris utter in unison. When and where did Chris appear?
"I can overlook that fact and go on with my life," I tell myself more than I do them, knitting my eyebrows together and swipe my hand in front of me as if I were erasing something on a chalkboard.
"You've been saying that since you came running to us," JC reminds me, attempting to say it gently.
"You've only gotten closer to Justin and I don't think that was the best choice or way to do that, Jazz," James says, looking at me like he used to when I was little and had friend troubles.
I turn away, my back facing the four of them. I feel a very familiar body come close to mine and hug me from behind, smelling like Irish Spring soap and my favorite cologne, Chrome, which has hints of cedar wood and jasmine. "Sam," he whispers. I sniffle and pull my right shoulder away from under his chin, he just puts it there again. "I know you're hurting, I understand. You need to tell JC."
"No," I defend, sniffling and tears forming.
"You can't keep it all in," he reinforces, wiping tears from my cheek.
"I can't tell anyone else."
"Sometimes you have to."
"I'll think about it. I have to talk to you."
"Sure, come on." He turns to the other four members. "I'm going to talk to her about some shit and I'll make sure not to be late."
~~~~~

I help James with getting the sequence of steps down between the show we did yesterday and the one they have tomorrow, proving the lounge is too small. Since we got to the next city and into hotel rooms, we're sharing one. James and I start the playback and have our own little rehearsal in our room, laughing the whole time. I go to do the flip for 'I Want You Back', misjudge my landing and injure my ankle. "Fuck!"
"We can go to the ER," he offers.
"Or make a private appointment to avoid paparazzi and fans." 
"I take it you're more partial to the whole private appointment option, seeing as you suggested it?"
"Yeah, see if Justin or JC is willing to go and we're taking Derek, Tiny or Lonnie."
"Let me go talk to to them," he says, turning to run and I yank my cell out of my pocket.
"I got this. Ah! It fucking hurts." I find Lonnie's number and call. "Nie, I need you."
"Crazy fan?"
"Nah, screwed up my ankle, hospital."
"Be there in a minute."
"Thanks."
"No prob."
"Grab Justin or JC?"
"Justin might be the wiser choice since..."
"I know."
"Thanks."
"Anytime."

We hang up and I see James pulling up the bottom of my left pant leg to check the injury. "It's swelling pretty bad and bruising."
"Guess I haven't kept my borderline anemia in check since coming with you guys."
"You're still borderline on that?"
"Yeah." I hiss in pain as he checks the severity of the damage, touching and pressing on it. "Keep fucking touching the damned injury and I'll cause you a head trauma!"
He stops messing with my ankle when someone knocks on the door. "Dude, open the damn door!" I hear Justin yell through the door. James opens it, allowing Justin and Lonnie in and Justin picks me up, handing me to Lonnie in less than a second. The three of us book it to the van and head for the hospital, James on the phone with a sports injury doc and Justin trying to keep me as calm and pain free as possible while Lonnie drives. The minute we pull up, Justin and James assist me in getting into the hospital and the doctor's office to check in, only to be pulled into an exam room immediately. 

"What's going on?"
"These two are known pretty well here in Kentucky and you seem to be associated with Backstreet Boys," Lonnie informs us.
"Who said that?" I ask.
"Huh?" Justin grunts in confusion.
"What?!" James replies, completely shocked.
"The security guard on the way in the building," Lonnie surrenders the little tidbit as Justin and James help me sit on the table.
"Fuck!" I scream, hitting my thighs. "How did that happen? I was so fucking cautious!" I weave my fingers through my hair and grip handfuls of it. "Always wore a cap, hoodie or something like that and kept my head down. I did everything to hide my full identity-letting them call me 'Lynni' in public, tucking my hair in my cap or hood and anything else you guys taught me," I list off and become increasingly irritated. 
"Sam, relax," Justin tells me.
"I was so careful and somehow the paps still found out!" I'm in total freak out mode, tears and all.
"Sam, chill out," James reiterates.
I'm pissed as hell and frustrated, tears falling from my eyes rapidly. It's a girl thing I guess. "How can I chill out when all your fans and all the Backstreet Boys' fans know who I am?!?!?!" Justin walks over to me, stopping right in front of me and I don't realize it because I'm spacing and freaking out right now. "I don't feel safe anymore. How long have they known? Will they attack me? Hate mail I can handle, but not being put in danger."
"It's a few cities and the European fans love you, you've met some," Justin reminds me, cupping my face in his hands.
"The US fans are a whole other ball park!" I argue.
"Not as far as we've seen," James reassures me.
Justin rests his forehead on mine, his baby blue orbs looking into my turquoise ones and dropping his voice to a barely audible level. "Baby, calm down. We can have PR deal with this, say something like you're our friend and theirs. We can figure this out, don't worry about it."
"According to the media and the fans, you guys and Backstreet are rivals. I don't want to be in the midst of a war because I'm friends with the nine of you and Aaron."
"Aren't there ten of us?" Justin asks, almost sure he's right.
"I'm not exactly what most call 'friends' with Nickolas Gene Carter, duh!" I retort, putting my forefinger to my temple and quickly pointing toward the door.
"Samantha Charpentier?"
"Yes?"
"I'm Dr. Anthony Knowles. What brings you here today?"
"Her left ankle," James answers, lifting my left pant leg again.
Dr. Knowles' eyes bug out at how swollen and bruised it is. "Do you have any conditions that could cause this reaction?"
"Borderline anemia," I relinquish voluntarily, without any thought.
"How long have you been aware of this?"
"Since I was about five."
"Ok, what happened to cause the injury?"
"We were dancing and I tried to complete a flip. When I landed, I had misjudged it and lost my balance. I think it's twisted or sprained."
"We'll do some x-rays and see if you're right, just as a precaution to ensure a correct diagnosis."
I nod as he touches and presses on it, wincing in excruciating pain. They bring in a portable x-ray machine, take films and develop them. They wrap my ankle with an ace bandage and give me a prescription for motrin to manage the pain. "What is it?"
"A sprained ankle. From the looks of it, you've done it multiple times," Dr. Knowles comments.
"Yeah, I'm only 15, oh, and accident prone."
"When you want to be," James mutters under his breath.
"What, James?" I ask, cupping my hand around my ear. I've been given 800 mg of motrin and I'm feeling great, plus I know how to care for it. I'll be on my feet in about two or three weeks, I've done it enough.
"Nothing, Jazz."
"I'll get you yet."
"She seems fine now," Justin points out.
"Kind of like herself, just more of a smart ass," Lonnie realizes.
"Yep, my ass is smart! Thanks for noticing!" I chirp. 
"It's the motrin they gave her half an hour ago, it's kicked in," James confirms. "I should've remembered this from... what I was told by her cousin," cautiously remarks.
"Ixnay on the upidstay, Amesjay!" I scream.

"Either of you understand what she just said?" James asks.
Justin laughs. "Oh, yeah! That was pig Latin. She said to 'nix the stupid, James'," he quickly and thoughtlessly translates.
"Níl an oiread sin ba mhaith liom é a insint Preab agus Sleepy, Scoop, ach níl a fhios agam conas a. Tuillte acu ar an eolas faoi ár stair. Léir i gceist agat an méid sin dom, ciallaíonn Frack an chuid is mó, agus tá an dara gar Preab. Thug mé Frack gach rud a bhí agam agus tá Preab sásta a bheith acu ar a bhfuil sé. Preab tá sé i bhfad níos mó a glacadh agus grámhara. Frack bhí douche i mo láthair agus thug mé fós dó níos mó ná fiú sé! Is fuath liom mé féin agus mo chás agus go bhfuil mé a dhéanamh ar an rogha seo! Just a fucking shoot dom! Bheadh anois iontach! " I complain.
"Sam!" James yells, shocked I even said all the things that have been bogging my mind since a year and a half ago.
"How do you understand what the hell she just rambled off?" Justin inquires, crossing his arms over his taut pecs and Lonnie nods in agreement.
"My best friend's grandma taught me some Irish from the time I was 11. I picked up a great deal of it and understand more than I can speak," he confesses. "His little cousin always spoke to me in it, it was her code. I always answered in English when she would speak in Irish," he continues, nearly blowing our cover.
"Yeah, yeah. Enough about your friend's cousin, how about we get back to the hotel so I can get some damn sleep?" I snap, covering our tracks again.

"Man, they gave her Tylenol with fucking CODEINE?" JC shrieks.
"No, the script was for that and gave her 800 mg of motrin at the office. How are we going to deal with this? She's dead to the world and her phone has been going off non-stop," I tell my best friend.
His hand slides over his face, stopping so that his forefinger rests over his nose, his thumb is on the side of his face and the other three fingers are covering his mouth along with his palm. "How long has she been out?"
"She's been out cold for 18 hours."
He glances at his watch and calculates. "It happened around, what, four?"
"She sprained her ankle around noon, gave her the motrin by two and had some of that shit by four because the motrin was wearing off," I inform him, pointing to the orange prescription bottle. I know this for the simple reason that I had spent the entire time with her-from the second Lonnie got me to now. I hear her cell go off again and I answer it. "Hello?"

"Is Sam there?" a guy's voice asks.
"Who the fuck are you to ask for my girlfriend?" I demand, assholishly.
"Aaron," he answers as simply as possible.
I feel like a douche. "Sorry, man. She sprained her ankle and is down for the count."
"Low pain threshold?"
"No, more pain than usual."
"Tylenol with 'deine?"
"Yeah, how do you know?"
"She got it when she... Never mind, she was showing off and got hurt."
"Spare me the details," I say, a smile creeping across my face.
"Not that way."
"Nope, but I think I know how it happened."
"How?"
"Your brother," I cryptically say.
"She told you?" he questions.
"That he dared her to do something retarded and she got hurt? Yeah."
"He didn't intend on her being injured." 
"I figured that. When was this?"
"June, during the first week last year."
"How long was she out?"
"I think they said something about a day and a half."
For almost being eleven, he pays a hell of alot of attention. "We have another day to go through?" I palm slap my forehead.
"Yeah, and if you wake her up before that, make sure you have regular Tylenol or some Advil. She's a baby for the first three days."
"I will, thanks," I reply, ending the call. "Do you know if we have regular Tylenol or some Advil, JC?"
I pull him out of his thoughts. "Lance usually has some in his carry on."
I grab my cell, plugging in Jazz's in the same motion and dial the all too familiar number for Lance's cell. "Hey, Justin."
"Please tell me you have Tylenol or Advil," I plead.
"Doesn't she have that?"
"It has codeine."
"The knockout mix," he comments, quietly chuckling.
"Yeah, haha. Do you have some?"
"Yes."
"I'll come get it," I tell him hurriedly and hang up. "If she happens to wake up, tell her I'll be right back please?"
"Yeah, man, go," he assures me, pushing me toward the door.
I run down the hall to Lance's room and knock. He opens the door and lets me in as he reaches into his carry on for it, knowing exactly where it is because of how meticulous he is. "Why do you need it?"

"Jazz. Talked to Aaron and he said to have regular ibuprofen or deal with a whiny and in pain Jazz. What would you rather deal with a mildly whiny Jazz or a major bitch due to pain Jazz? Personally, mildly whiny is my choice. What about you?" I quip.
"Take the Advil and go, mildly whiny is better than bitch mode Jazz any day," he says, shoving  a  bottle of Advil into my hands. "There should be enough for a week or two."
I smile, thanking him, and dart for my room where she's knocked the fuck out. I get the dose and a bottle of OJ ready before I wake her. "Jazz," I call her name as shake her gently.
"Ten minutes more," she mutters, still out like a light. JC wraps his finger and thumb around her injured ankle, causing her to jump, clearly in pain, startled awake. She whomps JC with a pillow, whipping it from under her head. "You mother fucking jackass! Touch it again and I'm going to fucking kill you!" she guarantees, glaring at him with dagger throwing eyes.
"Baby J, here's some Advil and OJ. The Advil is for pain and the OJ is to help you get better, it has calcium added."

Her head snaps in my direction and she sighs, wincing in pain. "Gimme those," she whines, indicating the Advil and juice. 
"Here," I say, handing her two Advil and the juice.
She gulps half the bottle of juice, puts the advil in her mouth, chugs the rest and swallows.

"Thanks, J." She sits back against the headboard, waiting for it to kick in before moving or saying anything to me or JC. Twenty minutes later, she finally says something. "Don't touch my injured ankle, especially when I'm drugged on codeine."
"You have to do the exercises and the doctor said massage helps it heal, something about it promoting blood flow."
"I know. It's got to wait until after the third day after it happens."
"You're a bitch when you're in pain," JC observes.
She shrugs and turns to me, rolling her eyes. "What needs to be done for the show tonight?"
"Rehearsal in a couple hours, dress rehearsal included."
"I can't help James focus," she glumly states, an irritated look settling on her face.
"You can always cheer him on," JC suggests. He was always better at this kind of thing.
I keep my mouth shut and it's because I know I could always give us away in ten words or less, even more so right now. She thinks for a minute. "I guess so." It must have been enough to satisfy him due to the simple fact that he's heading out the door. I help her set up her stuff for a shower and she kicks me out of the bathroom, making sure to grab her charging cell in the process.

I pick up my cell and call an all too familiar number back home. "Hello?"
"Hey," I say, sounding depressed.
"Why so glum, chum?" he questions.
"Well, I don't know about all this."
"Your thing with this chick?"
"Yeah, that's exactly it. I know her guard is up and she told me a few things she hasn't told Lance and JC yet, but there's something major she's keeping from me," I tell him, an edge crawling into my tone sneakily.
"I don't know what to tell you, J."
"What would you do?"
"Depends on the circumstances."
"I know her ex wants her to tour with him, his group and his little brother starting a couple days before New Year's."
"You trust her?"
"I don't trust him."
"Don't stress it."
"She just fucked up her ankle yesterday, codeine is her KO cocktail."
"Ok, anyone tell you anything about her?"
"Her ex's little brother told me," I confess.
"What's that?" 
"She's a baby for the first three days and I better have Advil or Tylenol on me."

"It's a start. Last time I talked to her, she trusts you more than ever and wants to let you in, but is scared cuz of the asshole that broke her heart. She said she gave him everything and he 'shattered' her heart."
"I know the whole story."
"Then you understand why she's so guarded."
"I do, when it comes to that. It's when it comes to the level of comfort she shares with Lance that I don't."
"Justin, it's probably going to be a long time before she explains it and you might be one of the last ones to know. Maybe even JC and our friend might be the last few to know, you know how your mom is."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Trace."
"I have to get to work, man."
"Talk to you later."
"For sure."

We hang up and I hear the shower turn off, signaling that I have maybe fifteen minutes before she calls for my help. I call another number from back home before remembering she's not there and I hang up halfway through dialing to call her cell. Goes to voice mail, so I leave a short message: "Hey, it's Justin. Call me back. Just being a friend and checking on my childhood munchkin." I chuckle and hang up, knowing that she's going to call me and be just a little pissed that I called her a munchkin.
Derek does his rhythmic knock and I open the door. "Five minutes, man."
"Ten? Jazz."
"Fine."
"Thanks," I respond, clapping my hand to his shoulder and smiling. 
I close the door and knock on the bathroom one. "Yeah, Justin?"
"We have ten before we have to go."
"Be out in five... I hope." She might be feeling a bit sick to her stomach because she has been out cold for close to a whole day and that means she hasn't eaten since just before it happened, if that.
"Ok, baby." I plop down on the bed we shared a night or two before after Lance had fallen asleep and she had snuck out of their room to cuddle me, only to wake up earlier than him to sneak back into their room to 'sleep' in her bed before he got up. She usually stays in my bunk with me on the bus, claiming that my breathing pacified her into sleep. She's a quick thinker and she's always on her A game.
"Honey?" she calls out to me, her Mississippian drawl revealing itself.
"Yes, baby?"
"I can't get my freaking sock on my foot."
I smile and shake my head on the way into the bathroom. I open the door and she looks beyond frustrated and pissed, holding a sock in her hand. I notice the ace bandage is a bit tight on her ankle and I fix it before I put her sock on her injured foot. "All set," I tell her, silently asking for a kiss.
She gives me one and laces her fingers with mine while she does. "Thanks, love," she says after, making sure I see gratitude in her eyes and she sees my smile. "You're a sweetie and so good for me."
"I'm also good to you."
"That you are, Timbs." She hurriedly puts her shoe on her right foot and her slipper on the other.
"Ready to go?"
"I suppose," she facetiously remarks, a smile spreads over her features. 

I smile and roll my eyes, lightly laughing to myself. "Have you decided if you're going to tour with dickface, his crew and his brother yet?"
"No, I haven't. I have another 35 days to decide."
"You're just like JC."
"Am not!"
"You are."
"Not."
"Too."
"Are not."
"Are too."
Derek hears the argument venture into the hall and falling into step with us, asking the most important question, "What's this argument about, if you don't mind me asking?"
I quickly glance at him and continue the disagreement. "You are too just like JC when it comes to making decisions-wait till the last minute and then make a last, split second choice."
"Fuck you!" she fires back, her most common answer resulting on her right hand as she jabs the elevator button with the other, using her crutches to support her. Yeah, she has crutches to help her remain her independent self while her ankle heals over the next few weeks.
"Not quite yet," I taunt.
"You're such a damn tease."
"What about a tease?" 
I whip around to see Lance and I smile. "I told her I have chocolate and I wasn't going to share," I say, quickly inventing a prevarication.
"Don't think I don't know where you hide your sweets when you get them."
"I bet she already knows," Chris informs us.
She smiles and boards the elevator with us following close behind. Joey and JC must be downstairs already, impatiently waiting for us to get down there to make the mad dash to the van. "Actually, I do know. I figured it out the morning we hit the Globe Theatre," she tells us, handing Joey her crutches as I crouch down so she could get a piggy back to the van for the simple fact that I can move faster with her on my back than she can hobbling on her crutches.
~~~~~

Not only did we have to make a mad dash from the hotel to the van, but also to the van after rehearsal, to rehearsal and the hotel as well. Jazz got piggy back rides from me, JC and Lance. Lance gave her the one into the hotel room, he had to talk to her about something, I think.
The whole time we were at rehearsal and during the show, she cheered all of us on and taped our rehearsal since Joey's brother, Steve, has a cold. The five of us can't risk getting it, so she had Joey get the camera. She also had the gall to have him wipe it down with Lysol wipes and use hand sanitizer before she would even touch it, my guess is to ensure the six of us don't get sick. I know if she'd get sick, she kisses me and I get sick; I'd sneeze on JC and he'd get sick; he'd cough and Chris would get it; Chris would subconsciously wipe his nose with his hand and touch a door knob; Lance would touch it later and get sick; then Joey would unknowingly get it somehow and be sicker than a dog. It usually happens like that, not exactly that way though. Either way, it's not fun and it spreads like wild fire.

She spoke to the Boys and Aaron during our show about the touring thing and her stipulations. She's still weighing the pros and cons of the matter, she has half a single subject notebook filled with them. She's just as bad as Lance with how meticulous she can be. "How long are you going to put it off for?"
"Till Christmas Eve, but I'm leaning on going as long as for your birthdays and during breaks I'm with you guys," she tells me. 
Right now we're lying in my bunk and talking about her going on tour with the Boys. My phone rings and it's my best friend from home. "Hey, what's up?"
"Munchkin? I'll give you fucking munchkin when I kick your fucking ass!" she screams at me.
I laugh wholeheartedly at her declaration. "I missed you too. You realize it's almost midnight?"
"It's not here," she informs me. "I hear you're dating someone?" she asks, her tone sharp.
"Yes, she's a good girl and has been through hell. I heard you're also involved, girl."
"Yeah, I am. It's my business."
"Whatever, you'll tell me eventually or I'll catch you guys together, doing boyfriend/girlfriend things like kissing."
"Yeah, yeah. He is so sweet, but he's been talking about this girl and I don't like it."
"Tell him."
"I have to find out who it is first!"
"Ask his brothers and sisters," I suggest.
"I am today, I'm asking Aaron. He tells me everything."
"Aaron, huh?" I inquire, looking at Jazz. She only shakes her head and shrugs, not giving a damn about who he's dating. I think my best friend is dating my girlfriend's ex.
"Yes, his little brother's name is Aaron."
"I guess that's cool. Hope he treats you better than his ex."
"Why, do you know her?"
"Yeah, you could say I do."
"Could I talk to her?"
"Hold on."
"Ok."
I put it on mute and look at Jazz. "I think my friend is dating Nick."
"So? It's her choice and her stupidity."
"She wants to talk to you."

She rolls her eyes at almost lightening speed. "Fine, give me." She sighs as I hand her my cell, unmuting it after she sighed. "Hello? What do you want to know? Who is 'he'?" She nods. "It's his ex and he wants to find out if she's willing to tour with him and the Boys. He wants to rebuild a friendship and she wants nothing to do with him. She's probably going to go to support Aaron and the other four Boys. For all she cares, he can rot in a grave. Never again and it's between him and her. They're done and will remain just that, done," she says with a tone of finality. She really does loathe whoever they're talking about, no doubts about that, and there's only a few people she dislikes that much: her ex, her biological dad and 3 other people that she won't disclose to anyone. That narrows the list dramatically, leaving only five people in the world and her life. "You're welcome. Have a nice day or night or whatever. Bye." She hangs up my cell and puts it in my hand, relaxing. "He conned another intelligent girl into believing that he cares and loves her. He's such an asshole. I just wish he'd drop dead."

"If he did, he'd either be your equivalent of Freddy, Chucky, Jason or Drop Dead Fred."
"That's not funny because he would be my personal Freddy," she groans, serious.

It been a week and tomorrow leaves me with three weeks to decide. Do I want to be around the Boys at Nick's expense? Do I want to be there for Aaron? Do I want to deal with my asshole ex? Nick called and asked, cautiously playing the 'I miss you' card. He also threw in the 'my brother and sisters miss you' card as well. I want to support his brother and band mates (morally), but not have to deal with him. I can't fucking wait for Aaron to have a headlining tour of his own. Fuck! I just might be on Aaron's bus the whole time, although that may be in vain. I might have to ride on Kevin, Howie and Brian's bus to avoid him. I think I talked to his new girl a few nights ago, I'm not too sure yet and I know she just so happens to know Justin personally. 

Speaking of which, I highly doubt that Justin and I will last very much longer. I can't keep the history I share with James from him while I'm dating him, it's killing me and I hate not being the one to tell him. It might only be for another month or two, I think. I hope he understands that between everything, I'm beyond stressed and a relationship is just wearing me even thinner. I do love him, but I've begun to contemplate that it's not in this way, not like a boyfriend or anything of that nature. "James, you missed the transition between steps. Watch Justin."
"Which part?"
"From the end of the chorus to the third line JC has for 'I Want You Back'." I give him a gentle smile and he shows James.
"You work these boys to death for me," their new choreographer, Wade, tells me.
"You're welcome, I think," I reply, a confused look on my face.
"I heard you'd be up there showing Lance if you hadn't gotten injured." One of his hands goes on his hip and the other motions to the stage.
I look at my injured ankle resting on Justin's sweatshirt on the top of the back of a seat. "Yeah, I would and I'm actually really bummed I'm not up there."
"They told me you absolutely love to dance."
"I'm addicted to dancing, Wade. I'd do it day in and day out if I could. I'd eat while I dance if I had the choice."

"Don't let her lie to you, man! She eats, drinks, breathes, sleeps and showers dancing!" James yells from the stage.
"She can kick my ass at it!" JC admits. "I've been dancing professionally since 91!"
"She can do the tip toe thing MJ does!" Justin brags.
"Show her a routine a few times and she can do it," Chris happily confirms.
"Hell, she learns our routines in less than two weeks! She was also rushing through middle and high school because JC bet her she couldn't graduate with Lance the following year and now she's taking enough college courses to achieve three college degrees by the time she's 23! She's insane and over motivated!" Joey says, glowering at me.

"It's not my fucking fault I got so bored I took on seven courses and I handed everything in two months ago!"
"You finished a seven course semester in a couple weeks?"
"Three weeks and yes, I did," I announce proudly. It's a huge achievement for me, seeing as my mom started and never finished college.
"The new semester starts when?" Wade grills me.
"January twelfth."
"What are you going for?"
"Degrees in music and dance/theater, but I have to achieve the certificates first."
"Who's paying for it?"
"My college funds I've saved since I was ten."
"How did you save every year and how much?"
"About nine grand between allowance, baby sitting money, holiday and birthday money. I also won competitions in which I saved the money from too. I stopped dancing competitively when I was 14. I competed for nine long years and won more than I lost."
"Why don't you do it anymore?"
"It's too competitive now, everyone practices their routines for nine months and if someone other than them wins, they threaten the winner."
"So you just do it for fun now?"
"Plus it helps me stay in shape," I add, smiling like King Koopa every time he has Princess Toadstool in his nasty claws.
"Makes sense, cardio." I turn my focus back to the guys and look for missed moves and transitions. "Anyone else miss a move that you've seen?"
"Nothing that will be readily noticeable, all of them are so minute and easily fixable. No need to stress it."

"Are you two done killing us for prep?" James asks, gasping for breath and his hands on his hips.
"I suppose," Wade jokes.
I giggle as Justin hops down and piggy backs me to the game room, choosing a couch in the far corner to talk alone (sort of). He had carried my crutches as well and JC had an inquisitive look on his face as we raced by him, I gave him a gentle and sweet smile in passing. Justin sits down and I lay with my injured ankle on the back of the couch, my head in his lap. "26 cents for your thoughts?" I prod, thinking of a song that describes how I feel at this point in time that came out sometime in August.
He smiles. "I know I have always felt something for you, but I guess I'm coming to terms with it not being how I had thought."
"I know that feeling too," I sympathize.
"Maybe it's just too soon to figure it out?" he thinks aloud. "I wish we could ask for advice without giving away the fact that we're seeing each other."
I reach up and stroke the side of his face gently. "Croí milis, I know. If I think of a way, I'll let you know."
"I'll let you know if I think of a way."
"Deal, hon," he says, leaning down to brush his lips across mine to seal our agreement.
~~~~~

I get woken up by Justin carrying me to the bus and continues until he reaches his bunk, gingerly placing me in it. "Timbs?"
"Go back to sleep," he whispers back.
He climbs into his bunk and I scooch  over to curl around his side, his arm winding around me instinctively. "Mmmmm," I purr for him to hear.
"What are we doing?"
"Huh?"
"What are we doing together?"
"Seeing where we stand together and figuring out if we belong together," I reply, only enough volume that he can hear.
"You think we could last?" he asks, caressing the side of my face.
"Do you want the truth?"

Down to the wire now, only a week to go before I have to decide. I told Kev that I'd tell him in the next three days and I still haven't figured out if I want to chance everything, just shoot me now. I need a good prank right now and Chris is the person to go to. Oh, my ankle? That's healing well, another day or two and I can be back up on that stage, helping James laugh his country ass off while he rehearses with the guys. "You want to help him with 'Tearin' Up My Heart'?" Wade pulls me out of my reverie.
At this point, I've been walking around without the bandage off for almost a week. "Sure," I chirp, jumping from my seat in the first row and run to the stage, springing up high enough to climb up without trying. "Holy shit!"
"She's fully healed," Justin and James chorus together.
"We are skee-rewed," Chris mutters.
I walk over to Psycho and hug him first. "Gonna need a prank, CK," I whisper. He nods once, just enough for me to feel.
I hug the other four, Justin and I have been growing apart in our relationship and it's ok because they've been on tour for almost three months, I'm hoping that's why along with the shit going on in my life. I've been prepping for my next semester, excited about it, contemplating whether I should tour with shitforbrains Carter, Aaron and the other four Boys while dealing with the recent news that my gramma is sick, the last thing I've kept to myself because it's what she wants. She told me not to tell anyone, but Justin and James can easily read me like a damned book without me saying anything's up. James being the last to be embraced, says something about my behavior. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just a ton on my plate," I cryptically inform him. It's not a full fledged lie and this girl touring with us, Whitney or something (I suck at remembering names), doesn't help and I am fully aware she, Justin and JC know each other somehow. Her hair is bleach blonde, her laugh is fake and well, I haven't had much time to get to know her. 
"Jazz, come on." Oh, monkey bubbles, he's fucking pleading.
"No problems, let's do this," I say, finality evident enough that it sounds like a low growl.
"Fine," he calmly snaps back. I look at JC for his permission to do back handsprings across their logo on the edge of the stage, who nods his approval.
"Step back, guys. She's going to do back handsprings. Watch this, Wade!" JC tells everyone, requesting Wade's undivided attention to be on me.
I do a round off, the back handspring JC taught me, two proper back handsprings, another one of JC's and a back flip, ensuring I land on the star at the beginning of their name because I had started at the opposite side of the bubble containing their name near the 'C'. "She should be performing or competing again. When did you teach her the handsprings?"
"Almost two years ago and she added her own flair as well. I taught her on the trampoline, she practices often," JC brags, beaming with pride over my small achievement.
"Way to be modest, Daddy C," I retort, annoyed by his hyperbolized comment and sarcasm dripping from the word 'modest'.
"I have to brag about something," he says.
"Hyperbolize about something else, Chasez!" I jokingly say, shoving him. He smiles, shaking his head as he steps into position. "Now, time to break it all down, guys!" I call out and get groans, moans and whines from them in response, prompting a smile to grace my face.
"You're evil!" Joey exclaims.
Wade demands they improve 'I Want You Back', 'Tearin' Up My Heart', 'Giddy Up', 'For The Girl' and 'Here We Go'. "Much better, Lance! Joey and Chris, quit goofing off! Jazz, are you willing to go though the entire set, the ones with steps?" Wade demands.
"Pfffffttttt! Hells yeah! Beginning formation, guys, I want to dance my non existent ass off!"
"You have a great ass!" Justin says loudly.

I roll my eyes and get in formation beside James. "Thanks, Timbs," I respond dryly. We do the run through and every time Justin passes me, face to face, I make an expression I know he'd laugh at. I smile at JC each time we come to a position that we look at each other. Joey and Chris make faces at me, resulting in light laughter. At the end of it, Wade is speechless. "Speak my short friend!" I taunt. 
"How can you make it so much fun and still get to the point and make sure they nail everything?"
"They know I would make them repeat the same parts over and over until they can do them in their sleep," I inform him, breathing a little heavy as I bend at my waist and put my right hand out with the palm facing the ceiling. 
"Go to the game room," he tells them more than me, relinquishing them from their duty. He comes onto the stage and I hug him, drenched in sweat. "You, shower," he commands me.
"Stick in the mud," I accuse, poking my tongue through my lips as I turn on my heel to head for the bus to shower. He chortles, the borderline guffaw kind of laugh. 
As I run down the hall, Justin catches me in his arms and places a sweet and soft kiss on my lips. He seems needy, but now's not the best time to communicate that. "I've been wondering if that offer still stands."
"Offer?" I repeat, curious and completely not playing coy.
He grinds against me and smiles. "Offer."
"Oh, um, can we talk about it later?"
He pouts, making me feel guilty. "Sure." He turns and walks to the game room.
I pull my cell from my pocket and call someone I've been confiding in alot lately. "Hey, girl."
"I think I'm going to do it. Tell Papa to call me."
"Why?"
"I need him to help me make sense of it all."
"I will, Sam."
"Thanks, man."
~~~~~

I texted Kevin all night until he fell asleep, talked to Justin and confided in James today after the shower I took to rid my body of the stank from busting my ass during rehearsal. "Girl, I wish I knew what was going on in his demented little mind. If I did know, you'd be the first to know."
"He's your brother."
"I know, but when it comes to you, he's been silent lately."
"He's just so confusing."
She giggles, which pretty much tells me she agrees. "On a better note, how are you and the mystery man handling everything?"
"We've been good, just sort of distant."
"That can't be good."
"I've been prepping for next semester and he's touring."
"What is it with you dating guys in the industry?"
"They're all around me and only four interest me right now." I'm laying in Chris' bunk below Justin with my feet pressed against the bottom of Justin's, pinning me to the mat and talking on the phone.
"Girl, you went to the VMAs and the Movie Awards! You met a bunch of people."
"I went to the damn Grammys, fought sleep the whole time and had to resort to texting you."
"Nick was a bit upset that you did that."
"Fuck him."
"You act like you don't care about him or like him."

Initiate momentary defense via bitch mode. "Hmm, maybe because I don't. I want to punch him in the face and a swift foot lift to his balls. How much do you think I want to deal with him?"
"Then why even consider going on the tour with him?"
"Moral support for your baby brother and the other four guys," I reply snarkily.
"Stop lying, I know you still love him."
For being his little sister, she knows too much. "Shut up, chick. You have no clue how much I want to beat him senseless."
"Yeah right, you want him to be with you."
"Nope, I'm happy with the guy I'm seeing." I hate trying to lie to myself more than I do the people I have around me.
She's gotten to know me fairly well since we met almost two years ago. "Once you have feelings for someone, those feelings will always be there. You may not like them anymore, but you’ll still care," she reminds me.

I sigh and close my eyes, realizing she's not only right but that she reads me better than I let JC. "I know, Beanna," I reply, saying his middle sister's nickname I gave her. It pronounced 'Bean-nah'.
"Are you admitting it? You sound so defeated."
"Possibly. Can we talk about something else?"
"How was your first semester?"
"Done in three weeks."
"Overachiever," she blurts out, snorting at the information.
"Thank you!" I chirp loudly.
We giggle for a minute and she makes a snorting sound (from laughing too hard), causing me to guffaw. "It's not that funny, Sam!"
"Sure it is, you snorted!"
"Whatever, bitch."
"Sorry, couldn't help it. Natural reaction."
"Yeah, uh-huh, right. Aaron is excited about the possibility of you touring with him and the Boys."

"Les, I'm sure he is. I would be overjoyed to hear he might be on tour with me if I was the opening act, too. This is big debut and if I have my way, I'd be dancing up there with him," I tell her.
"Seeing as you mentioned it, there is one spot that needs filling and it's the main spot," she informs me, most likely with the biggest grin on her lips as she feigns innocence.
"Since when?" I ask, my curiosity having been piqued.
"As of the 26th."
I pull my lips to one side of my face and let out a deep breath. "Have him buzz me."
"Hold on, I'll set up three way."
I wait and smile when I hear a familiar voice greet Leslie and I. "Hey, kid," I address Aaron.
"How have you been?"
"Crazy busy," I admit. "I heard you have one spot open for a dancer."
"Les, you had to tell her?"
"Of course," she tells her brother.
"Yes, you'd have to talk to Johnny about the details and you have to remain on the tour until it's done or I go on my own."
"It's that all you know?"
"It's what I heard Johnny tell my mom."
"I can call your guys' mom later and find out if I can fill the void for you." I smile, hoping he's smiling because he needs a friend during this experience.
"I'm sure she would love if you joined my road crew."
"Well, I'm going to let you go to call your mom and Johnny to see what I have to do."
"We love and miss you!" they say at the same moment.
"Love and miss you guys too. Talk to you later."
"Bye," Aaron echoes Leslie and we hang up.

I quickly call Jane and discuss the details, finding out the stipulations attached to the position. Hey, a girl's gotta make her money to be able to pay her way and Johnny will be signing my checks if he's going to let me do it. I hang up and call Johnny after taking a deep breath as I check the notes I took while discussing my position in Aaron's set. "Hello, Jazzy. What can I help you with?"
"I'm calling about the final girl needed for Aaron's set on the Boys' upcoming tour from the dates starting at the end of the month."
"You know someone who's willing to take it and Jane won't disapprove of?"
"Yes, me."
"You've talked it out with her already?"
"Yes, she said she'd rather have me assist him with this experience than anyone else beside his sisters."
"I will call Jane and discuss the finer details with her before I call you back. Give me three days."
"Ok, sounds good," I agree.

"Kevin informed me about Nick's proposition he brought up to you."
"I have informed Jane about my stipulations concerning his blonde hair, blue eyed ex of mine," I say, a scowl evident in my voice and on my face.
"You'll be going through Jane for this position?"
"Yes, she has all my stipulations and I will give you my finer details when we lock in my professional involvement with Aaron."
I end up talking to him for another hour about the stipulations and specifications concerning my agreement before hanging up and hunting for James and JC.

Having signed the contract with JC, James, Howie, Brian and Kevin's signatures accompanying mine and Ma's, I was set to help the Boys wrap their current tour with them three days in advance and flew out the day after Christmas. I've been staying with Kevin, away from Nick and driving Kev out of his mind with my cleaning and prepping for the upcoming tour. I have basically moved in with him and even have a key. First thing I feel the need to express is that he's like my dad, so he knows me best besides James. "Hate to burst your bubble," Kevin says as I enter the kitchen to eat some of his Kentucky pancakes, eggs, sausage and store bought OJ.
"You're going to anyway, Papa," I say, looking into his apologetic eyes. 

"Nick and the Boys are coming here with Fatima for rehearsal. Aaron and his choreographer will be here as well, we have to share the rehearsal hall. Aaron's team will be here in two hours and the Boys are supposed to be here in three."
"Are you fucking serious? You know I don't want to be anywhere near him until we hit the road!" I scream.
"I know, just ignore him and try not to let him get to you. I've told him not to talk to you right now."
"Like he's going to listen to you," I point out.
"He better or he's going to be in hot water."
"He didn't listen on his fucking birthday, Papa."

He tilts his head to the right, indicating his interest. "Where were the two of you?"
"Together and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out," I retort, a snide look on my face.
He sighs. "Is that part of why you took off?"
"Yes, James helped me leave."
"Gary, Kent and Karl will be here and they know you resent Nick right now." He takes a big bite of pancakes as my cell rings.
I check the ID and pick up with a mouth full of food. "Mmm, 'lo?"
"Hey, Sam."
"I miss you."
"I miss you too. You're dancing for his brother?"
"Yes, contracted for every appearance and show. Between the end of the show a couple days from now and the end of March, I'm all yours, babe," I say with a smile.
"You're near one of them."
"Yes."
"Call me later?"
"Definitely."
"Love you."
"Love you too." We hang up and Kevin is looking at me, most likely wondering who it was. "What?"
"Who was that?"
"My boyfriend of five and a half months." 
He watches me eat as he awaits for further explanation. "Not telling me anymore?" he inquires, his face softening.
"No, Papa. Just know I'm happy and he treats me well."
"The four of us, Fatima, his family, the security staff and Johnny are hoping you and Nick will be friends again."

I roll my eyes and continue eating. "That's going to be quite awhile from now."
"You know his brother misses you."
"That's why I'm dancing for him."
"You're the main dancer."
"Moral support for Aaron and to make sure he has a real friend that'll help him through this tough experience," I state, being honest.
"You're so confusing sometimes, Sam."
"I know and I like it that way."
My cell rings again, Aaron this time. "Hey, kid."
"Hey. We have to rehearse today."
"I know. You're probably on your way here."
"Yeah, Johnny set up rehearsal times and the Boys figure out where to have them."
"Figured that much. You psyched about touring and me being on your crew?"
"You wouldn't believe it."
"Pixies?"
"Yup, got em. Just... Be nice?"
"I'll try. I can't talk to him face to face right now." 
"The first time we open here is in Tampa and is three days from now. Is that enough time for you to catch the moves?"
"Yeah, Howie sent me video of one of your rehearsals and I've been practicing."
"Oh, cool! Be there in about an hour."
"See you then, we're going to kill this rehearsal!" I assure him, a Cheshire cat smile on my lips.
After I hang up, Kevin's watching me like a hawk does its prey. "What is that ridiculous grin for?"

The smirk grows, reaching my eyes and turning my eyes dark hazel, more green than honey brown. "Noooottthhhiiinnnn..."
"Don't start anything today, please," he pleads with me.
"I won't. I'm going to get dressed and I'll be back down in a few minutes." I run upstairs, take a fast shower and put on a pair of shorts with a tank top I had bought last time I went shopping with Justin and James. Light blue cut offs go really well with a tank top tye dyed with various shades of green and blue and teal DCs. I come running down the stairs as I hear Aaron's crew's van pull up. 
Kevin sees what I have on and is probably shocked because the shorts are a hand length above my knees, my tank top is a regular tank top. He's never seen me dress like this and I caught him off guard. "You should get jeans or windbreaker pants on," he suggests, eyes wider than I've ever seen them.
Just then Aaron knocks on the door, I have to run and answer it to ignore what Kevin had told me. "This the whole dance crew?" I ask Aaron.
"Yeah," he responds, hugging me tight. "Sam, this is Ashley, Breanna, Jenny, Jessi, Mike, Jason, Jake, Mitch and Landon. Sometimes you'll be dancing with Mitch or Jason, Johnny says whoever you get along better with."
"What if I get along with him better?" I inquire, motioning to a sandy blonde boy with hazel eyes who looks closer to my age than Aaron's. 
"That's Landon. We should start rehearsing, Brett will be here in a few minutes. Here's the playback for rehearsals," Aaron says, handing me a CD. 
"We should get to the hall downstairs and start."
The 11 of us run for the rehearsal hall and begin to practice, laughing and catching up at the same time. A guy about six feet tall, brown hair and dark hazel colored eyes is standing in front of us wearing a pair of jeans and a black Hanes t-shirt with black Nikes. "Hey, Brett," Landon greets. 

Everyone else waves and he acknowledges everyone, keeping a cautious watch on me. I'm sipping on a bottled water and watching him as well. "Who might this be?" he asks, nodding in my direction.
Aaron smiles, draping an arm over my shoulders. "Brett, this is Sam aka Jazzy."
"Nick's ex?"
I groan. "Can we not speak about him?"
"She's a friend of the family and is trying to become friends again, but right now isn't good time for them." Brett walks away to talk to the other nine members of his dance crew, leaving Aaron and I to talk about his brother. "What do you want to know?"
"Why did you run?"
"Mandy, not only was he talking to her, I caught him kissing her which I took as him breaking up with me."
"But that's not who you talked to a few weeks ago."
"Either way, I don't care."
"You do and we both know it, admit you still love him."
I shake my head violently. "No way in hell I'm going to."
"Why not?"
"I left for a good reason."
"Hey, beautiful," I hear so nonchalantly come out of his mouth as he enters the room.
"Nick, I don't thi-" Howie attempts to warn.
"I know what I'm doing," he calmly says, my blood boiling so badly, I promise I'm about to swing as he gets within range. 
I stand on the couch I was sitting on with Aaron, bringing me just above eye level with the oldest Carter and Nick turns around to see my fist meet his nose. "Stay the fuck away from me, don't talk to me, don't look at me, I will tell you when I'm ready to talk and it's all because of how you destroyed me," I bark at him and sit back down, continuing the conversation with Aaron. "Like I said, not ever happening in my lifetime.
"I guess I'm wrong," Aaron says shrugging. "Sometimes listening to the older guys can save you pain like that."
Nick is holding his sore and bloody nose, muffling his voice and sounding nasally. "What the fuck?" he asks, entirely befuddled.

"I tried to tell you it may not be wise to get near her or say anything to her, she's still hurting."
"I thought nine months would be enough."
Kevin claps his hand on Nick's shoulder. "Do me a favor when it comes to her, don't think. Don't say a thing to her unless you truly know how she feels and understand what she thinks."
"Fuck her," he flings at Howie, his eyes bouncing between Aaron and I. "For all I fucking know, those two are dating."
Oh, now it's fucking on! "First off, I didn't know Aaron's name was Justin. Second, go fuck yourself!" I'm beyond enraged, my hands flying around me and fighting Aaron, Kevin and AJ as they try to hold me back from charging him to beat his head in as a futile attempt to knock sense into him. "You don't know a fucking thing about me anymore! You don't know me, you fucking destroyed me inside and you can rot in God damned hell, douche! I'm done with you and I don't want you near me!" I scream at the top of my lungs, bright red in the face and crying as my tears stream down my face. I fight against their hold for a few minutes longer, stopping just long enough to drop to my knees and sob uncontrollably. Kevin gives me about ten or fifteen minutes. "You should rehearse and get the hang of it all. We're three days away from your first concert performance. You have got to get these steps down," he points out gently, whispering. 
I nod and get up. I walk over to Brett and let my bubbly personality come out. "What's the formation?" He helps me get into place and we start working on getting it down pat.
"Wow, nine routines. They weren't joking."
"But that's only a third," I argue.
"You'll get the rest down pat because Aaron is staying with you here."
"Who says?"
"Jane, Kevin, Johnny and myself," Brett informs me.
I look at Aaron and he nods, confirming the information. I shrug and lead Aaron outside with a boombox to rehearse more. I make sure to grab the playback discs, a ton of C batteries and set up our own private rehearsal, neither of us having spoken a word since the outburst I had toward Nick four hours ago. We won't talk about it for a long while, maybe it'll be when we get on the bus.

I made it through the two shows I had to and flew back to the guys to spend some much needed time to cool off, to be away from the oldest of five in that family. I came back almost two weeks ago and it's my sweet sixteenth, they've made today awesomely amazing. I haven't heard his name all day, anything to do with him, and even though they have to perform tonight, it's been a great day. I have been talking to Justin about seeing other people because that attraction just isn't there like it was before. "You know the girl touring with us, Britney?"
Oh, that's her name. Told ya I suck at remembering names! "Sure," I answer.
"I like her alot and want to give it an honest shot," he blurts out, most likely thinking I'd be upset about it.
"I've been considering it might not last too much longer."
"You don't feel the same as you did before?"
"I feel like I'm kissing one of my best friends and it's a little strange," I confess.
"Why don't we wait a couple more weeks before we decide?"
"Ok, Timbs, we can wait a couple more weeks."
We lay there, cuddling on one of the couches in the game room backstage and just listen to each other's breathing. "No matter what you're always going to have a place in my heart and I'll give everything I can to help you out when you ask."
"No matter what you'll always be one of my best friends and I'll be happy for you as long as you're happy."
He nods, kissing my forehead and pulling me close. "You mean so much to me and it's not like that."
"You ever need me, you'll always have my number and know where I am when."
We spend the next hour in the game room, cuddling and kissing on the couch in the far corner not another word being spoken between us. "C'mon, guys, we have to change for our set," JC calls, prompting Justin and I to sit up. The five of them disappear to wardrobe to change and I call my cousin.
I know he's home, he has today off. Seven rings and then,"Hello?"
I smile sadly. "Hey, 'Renny!" I chirp, trying my best to cover up my lugubriousness as I flop back down on the couch.
"What's up, Sam?"
I sigh, muttering, "Nothing much." We talk about back home, family members and friends for a good while.
"It's fizzling, huh?"
"Yeah, might only be together a couple more weeks."
"At least this one is ending better and you'll remain friends because there's no bad blood."
"I know and I'll still have my best friend. He said it's because he doesn't feel the same as he did in July, neither do I and he wants to date Britney. He likes her and wants to be exclusive."
"Hey, look at it this way-at least he's being upfront and honest about it all."
"Very good point." I roll off the couch and stand up, pacing back and forth in front of it. "He's restored my belief in good guys."
"Not all guys are Nick Carter," he reminds me.
I hear the guys wrapping up their show and hang up, bidding my cousin adieu. "All set, we have to run to the bus," JC tells me, crouching down to give a piggy back ride. I climb up without saying a word, feigning exhaustion easily. We get on the bus and I begin writing everything down, making sure it's in Irish. "What's that?"
"A list."
He grabs it and I don't stop him. "I don't understand what you wrote."
"It's in Irish."
"What happened in Florida?"
"Rehearsals with Aaron and his crew, attempted to steer clear of Nick, and he didn't stay away from me, he ended up getting decked."
"Anger problems?"
"No, he just so fucking okay with it!"
"Explain it."

I dive into the day I decked my ex, emphasizing how Fonzie/cool Zuko he had been when he said hi. "That's why I'm so fucking mad about it. He had a bloody nose and I caused it."
He looks around and he notices we are the only ones (other than the driver) awake. "To tell you the truth, I'm glad you stuck up for yourself-"
"I know there's a 'but' coming," I interrupt.
"But you could've gone about it differently than you did."
"I know I could've, but I like what I did," I admit.
"Are you going to tell anyone other than Lance what happened to make you run to us?"
"He only knows part of it."
"So what's the rest?"
"Caught him with his ex," I inform him, motioning for him to catch on as I rotate my wrist in circles.
"Like how?"
"Like you and bitchface!"
"Kissing?"
"No, like home run or is it third base?"
"Her mouth?"
"And his fingers."
His eyes go wide at the information I've only told him and Justin. Nick knows damn well what he did wrong. "Um, wow, yeah that's a good reason for how you reacted and I understand completely. What I don't understand is why you'd want to tour with him if you resent him so much."
"Dislike, resent and hate don't cover it; loathe comes close, though. I'm doing it for his brother, he needed one more dancer for his set," I say, playing with my ever expanding set of keys. I have a key for quite a few houses-mine, Chris', JC's mom's, AJ's, Nick's parents', Kevin's, Brian's, Howie's and of course to the car I had picked. 
I just need to get my permit and learn to drive before I get the pink slip. Howie and Brian are going to teach me how while on the road and I'm going to get my permit in April. By the time I get my permit, I'll be almost done with my second semester at Florida U and graduate in two years if I don't do summer sessions. If do take summer courses, I'll be done in a year. "Are do you doing it for moral support or the money?"
"Moral support, the paycheck is a humungo bonus. It's more about being there for Aaron and the other four Boys."

JC's eye twitches at the corner. "Stop jingling the keys." He shifts his position and continues. "You always were selfless. I figured it out early on and I commend you for not ever having a harsh word toward anyone who doesn't deserve it. For turning sixteen, you've shown how mature you are and sometimes it scares me how well you handle everything, but then you turn around and come running to us when you get scared out of your wits. You've always turned to us and that's ok, it's the best thing you can do. We did tell you two years ago to turn to us whenever you wanted or needed to."
"Which isn't too often."
"It should be more often, you're a teenager."
My nervous habit causes me to fidget with my keys again, JC twitches in annoyance and reaches across the small table to take them from me. "I know and it's just that I get scared that the five of you are going to get mad about me calling on you so much and I don't want to botch it," I explain, sighing and fighting back tears that are welling up in my eyes.
"I would never feel like that," he says as he places his hand on mine, gently smiling.
"This is why we've become like brother and sister, huh?" I ask, tears now falling as I chuckle.

He laughs and hangs his head, his cell rings. He checks who it is and picks up. "Hey, Bobbi." I make gagging noises and stick my finger in my mouth. "No, I don't know abou-. See you in Rhode Island. Love you too," he says, hanging up.
"She's meeting us in fucking Rhode Island?!"
"She's flying out now."
"Ugh! I hate the bitch!"
"Go get some sleep," he says standing up before he helps me get up.
"So you could deal with her clingy, whorish, and bitchy ways?"
He narrows his eyes at me. "She's not that bad."
"No, she's just screwing you to leech off you and the money you make. Two words for ya-ditch her." I turn on my heel and climb into Justin's bunk, cuddling to him. I try to relax, but my only problem is that my brain won't shut off! I begin texting AJ and bitch about the youngest Backstreet Boy, giggling quietly. 
"What's so funny?" he asks, having been woken up by my giggles. He keeps his eyes shut, talking to me.
"Not too much, AJ and I are bitching about my ex."
He chuckles for a second and pulls me closer with his arm. "Well, just keep it down, hun."