“Why don’t you guys ever throw me the ball?” Ten-year-old Kerrigan demanded.  “You guys NEVER throw the ball to me!  It‘s not fair!” she continued.

“You’re a girl, Kerr.  That’s why!” Trace responded with a chuckle, giving one of the other boys on the field they were playing football with a high five.

“Just cause I’m a girl, don’t mean nothing!” she retorted.

“Yes, it does.  It means you can’t play football.” another boy stated.

“I’m gonna beat your face in, Jared Smith!” Kerrigan threatened, giving him an evil look.

“You can’t kick nothing.  You’re a girl remember, and I’m a boy!” he retorted.

“Ok guys, leave Kerr alone.  She can so play football, and you all know it.  She’s better than half of you here, so quit giving her a hard time.” Justin spoke up.

“Thank you, Justin!” Kerrigan smiled at her best friend, and then turned her attention back to Jared.  “And you know I can so kick your butt.”

“She really can.” Trace and Justin added.

“Whatever!” Jared scoffed and then stomped off in the opposite direction.

“That’s right, runaway! Jared’s a scardy cat!” Kerrigan yelled after him.

Justin and Trace laughed at their friend.  Sure she was a girl, but if it weren’t for her long brown hair, and squeaky girl voice, you’d never know.  She played sports with all the boys of the neighborhood.  She did everything that the boys did, and half the time she did it better than most of them.  They often gave her a hard time about it, as the boys were doing that day, but it was only because they were jealous of her ability.  Or at least that’s what Justin had always told her.

It was an odd combination.  Justin, Trace, and Kerrigan.  Everyone in the neighborhood knew them.  They were always together, wherever you found one, you were sure to find the other two.  And it had been that way for years.

They all grew up on the same block.  Kerrigan and Justin living next door to each other, and Trace living just a couple houses down from them.  Their parents were all friends, and that was how the three of them had ended up meeting all those years ago.  And now here they all were.  Each of them ten years old, their birthdays only a few months apart, and they were still friends.  They had made a pact to be friends forever, and that was when they were six.  So far they were doing a pretty good job of keeping that pact.

Justin grabbed a hold of Kerrigan, and covered her mouth with his hand when she continued to taunt Jared.  “That’s enough, Kerr.  I think he gets the point.”

“Well, he’s a dummy.  Why do you guys always have to make fun of me cause I’m a girl?  I’m so sick of that.  I wish I were a boy.” she grumbled.

Justin gave Trace a perplexed look and then turned his attention back to Kerrigan.  “Me and Trace don’t make fun of you.”

“Yes, you do.  Trace just did.  He said “You’re a girl, Kerr.  That’s why!”, that’s making fun of me!” she argued.

“I was just playing, Kerr.” Trace defended.

“Well, stop it.  I hate it when you guys do that.  I’m just as good at this stuff as you guys are and I’m tired of always being made fun of for being a girl.  It’s not my fault I don’t know any girls to be friends with.” she pouted.

“You do too know girls.  There’s lots of girls in our school.” Justin argued.

“But they’re all girly.  They play with dolls!” Kerrigan replied, appalled.

“So you could play with dolls.” Trace countered.

“And I could brake your arm!” she retorted, growing more angry.

“Chill out, Kerr.” Justin laughed.  He couldn’t believe she was getting so upset over something so silly.  “It’s really not that bad.”

“Playing with dolls is so!”

“Not playing with dolls.” Justin objected, shaking his head.  “Us teasing you about being a girl.  You know we’re just playing.  Why do you get so mad?”

“Because!”

“Because why?” Trace urged her to explain.

“Because I am a girl.  And you guys always make it out to be such a bad thing.  It makes me want to be a boy.” she replied.

Her words didn’t really make a lot of sense to Justin, but he could clearly see the hurt in Kerrigan’s eyes, and that was the last thing he wanted to see.  She was his friend and he loved her and he never wanted to hurt the people he loved.  “Ok, we won't tease you anymore.  We’ll treat you like just one of the guys?  Is that what you want?” he asked.

“YES!  I just want to be treated like all of you guys treat each other.”

“Then you can’t whine like a girl.” Trace told her.

Kerrigan gave him a dirty look.  “You whine like a girl, not me!”

“She has a point, you do whine like a girl.” Justin agreed.

“Shut up.  I do not!” Trace whined.

“See!  You’re whining like a girl!” Kerrigan laughed, pointing at him.

“No I’m not!” Trace argued.

“Ok, both of you shut up.” Justin shouted over their bickering.  “Let’s make a deal.  From now on out, we’ll treat Kerrigan like just one of the guys, and we won't tease her about being a girl no more.  And if we do, she gets to slug us in the stomach.” Justin said.

“Why does she get to slug us?” Trace questioned.  “I don’t like that idea.”

“Probably because you’re the one that does most of the teasing.” Kerrigan pointed out.  “And you know I can hit hard!”

Trace rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

“So is it a deal or not?” Justin pushed.

“Fine.  Whatever.  No more teasing Kerrigan about being a girl.” Trace relented.

“Thanks guys.” she smiled, feeling much better.

The only problem was, Kerrigan didn’t know that one day she would regret making that deal with them.

( 11 years later - March 2002 )

Kerrigan groaned as her alarm when off again.  She had already pressed the snooze button twice, and she knew she really needed to get up and get her butt in gear, but it was so early in the morning.  Like 4:20AM early in the morning.

She hit the snooze button and once again buried her head under her pillow.  She was just about to drift back off to sleep, when Justin came barging into her room.

“Kerr, get up!  We gotta be at WEG in forty five minutes.  Get your ass out of bed!” he yelled, as he grabbed her blankets and ripped them off of her.

“You’re so lucky I actually wear clothes to bed!” Kerrigan grumbled from under her pillow.

“You don’t got anything I haven’t seen before.” Justin retorted as he grabbed her pillow and tossed it over his shoulder.

Kerrigan glared up at Justin’s smirking face.  “You want to die don’t you?”

“Not really.  But I do want to get to WEG on time.  Cause if I’m not there at 5, then Johnny’s gonna kill me.  And you too!” he countered.

“Remind me why I’m doing this again?” she whined as she sat up, running her fingers through her bed hair.

“Because you love me, and I’m your bestest friend in the whole wide world.” Justin smiled, and then added,  “And the fact that I’m paying you an insane amount of money doesn’t hurt I’m sure.”

“Very true.  About the money part.” she said, climbing out of bed.

“Oh, I see how it is.  So I’m not your bestest friend?” Justin demanded.

“Quit talking like a five year old, and get the hell outta here.  I mean if you want me to get dressed so we can go.” she sneered at him.

“I’m not leaving.  You’ll go back to sleep.  This is the third time your alarm clock as gone off.”

“Well, I can’t get dressed if you don’t get out!”

“Like I said.  You don’t have anything I haven’t seen before.” Justin smirked at her.

“You’re gonna be seeing stars in a minute if you don’t get the hell out!” Kerrigan glared at him.

“Ok, ok.  I’m going.  But just get dressed.  We gotta be there…”

Kerrigan cut him off.  “At five.  I know!  You’re wasting time.” she said pointing to the door.

Justin nodded and left her room, closing the door behind him.

Kerrigan stood there for a moment, trying to collect herself.  Her bags were already packed, she’d done that the day before because she knew they had to be up early.  She couldn’t believe she was going out on another tour with the guys of Nsync again.  This would be her third one.

Hell, she still couldn’t believe Justin was even a part of Nsync.  It seemed like only yesterday he was running off to Florida to join the Mickey Mouse club, and now here he was some big time superstar.  And here she was, his personal assistant.  Or at least one of them.

Both Kerrigan and Trace were Justin’s personal assistants.  Justin had given them those titles as soon as they had turned 18 so that he could bring them along with him.  If they were his assistants then he had to have them with him, and no one could tell him otherwise.  Therefore both Kerrigan and Trace became employees of Justin Timberlake.

Kerrigan still found it funny to this day.  Running around for her best friend doing insane things for him.  But she didn’t mind, at least this way she got to be close to her friends.

After Justin had left for Florida, she and Trace had only seen him on special occasions, but they had kept in touch.  Their pact to remain friends, was still in tack and going strong.  And if Kerrigan had to help him with his laundry and dry cleaning and other stupid little errands to be close to her friends, then she would do it.   It was better than sitting back in Tennessee doing God knows only what.

Chris had once asked her if she ever regretted giving up her own life, and a chance of going to college and being a normal young adult, to come along with Justin and be a part of his world.  And Kerrigan had told him no, and she had meant it.  Even to this day she meant it.  She never really had any desire to go to college.  She didn’t really know what she wanted to do with her life.  All she knew she wanted at the time was to be with her friends, and that’s what she was doing.

Justin and Trace made her happy, they were her family.  She’d known them since they were babies.  How could she regret that?  She couldn’t.  And she didn’t.  Well, at least most of the time.  Sometimes, like really early in the morning like right then, she did regret it a little bit.  But only because she was not a morning person and hated getting up at the butt crack of dawn.

Snapping out of her thoughts, Kerrigan wandered into her bathroom, where she quickly showered and brushed her teeth before throwing on a pair of sweat pants, and one of Justin’s old t-shirts.  She had just sat down on her bed to put on her shoes when Trace came bursting through her bedroom door.

“Are you ready yet?  We gotta go!” he said standing in the doorway.

“I was just about to put my shoes on.” she replied.

“Put them on in the car.  We gotta go!” Trace said rushing across the room and grabbing her by her arm.

Trace drug Kerrigan out of her room, barely allowing her to even grab her shoes, and then drug her down the stairs and out the front door, to where Justin was waiting in the van that had come to pick them up.

“Are you forgetting something?” she questioned as Trace practically threw her into the van.

“What?” Justin questioned from inside.

“My bags!” she stated.

“We already brought them out while you were in the shower.” Justin answered.

“Oh, ok.” she shrugged, settling back into the seat.

Trace quickly climbed into the van, and shut the door.  “Ok, let’s go.” he told the driver.

“And so it begins.” Kerrigan mumbled as she put on her shoes.

“What?” Justin asked, giving her an odd look.

“The madness.”  Kerrigan replied.

“KERRIGAN!” Joey shouted, running over and engulfing her in a huge hug, twirling her around.  “How’ve you been girl?  Haven’t seen you in what?  A week?” he teased.

“PUT ME DOWN, JOE!  I’M GONNA BE SICK!” she yelled.

Joey quickly put Kerrigan back on her own two feet, and held onto her for a sec, so she could regain her balance.  “Don’t want ya throwing up on me.” he told her.

“It’s too early for this shit.” she grumbled, pulling away from him and heading for the bus.  Her only focus was to get to her bunk so she could go back to sleep.  Her mission was to avoid all the other members of Nsync, namely Chris, before they could attack her as well.

“You’re such a grouchy ass.” Justin scolded her.

“You can kiss my grouchy ass!” she retorted, still heading for the bus.

Justin ran up behind her and grabbed a hold of her, acting as if he was going to actually going to do it.  “What the hell are you doing? STOP!” she yelled, swatting him away.

“You told me to kiss your ass.” he defended.

“It’s too early for you to try to be cute.  Stop!” she swatted him again, when he made another futile attempt.

“Yup!  You are definitely a grouchy ass.” Justin laughed at her.

“Whatever!” she grumbled and then climbed on the bus.

“You just like to annoy the shit out of her, don’t you?” Trace laughed as he walked up to Justin and Joey.

“Haven’t I always?” Justin questioned.

“True.” Trace conceded.

Justin, Joey and Trace then made their way to the bus, and climbed on.  The three of them settled in on one of the sofas, clicking through the channels on the TV and were soon joined by Chris, Lance and JC, whom had been saying goodbye to their families.

“Welp, we’re all here.  Everyone ready to start this tour?” Chris asked, as he threw himself down on the sofa across from the other guys.

“Ready as we’re gonna be.” Justin said, watching the TV.

“Where’s Kerrigan?” Lance questioned, looking around the front of the bus for any signs of her.  He knew she was supposed to be there.

“Where do you think she is?  Her lazy ass is  in her bunk.  Passed out already probably.” Trace snorted.

“I HEARD THAT YOU ASS!” came Kerrigan’s voice from the back of the bus.

“Or not.” Joey chuckled.

“YOU LOVE MY ASS!” Trace called back to her.

“LOVE TO KICK IT!” Kerrigan yelled back.

“THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU SAID LAST NIGHT!” Trace called back to her and then received an elbow from Justin.

“Shut up and leave her alone.” he scolded him.

“She started it.” Trace defended.

JC laughed.  “You three are a weird bunch.”

“We’ve been called worse.” Justin shrugged.

“Hell, I can’t believe Trace and Kerrigan actually dated!” Lance shook his head.  “I’m surprised, Trace is still alive.”

“Hey now!” Trace objected.  “We were thirteen years old, I wouldn’t call that dating!  And it was only for a week.  Then I seen the error of my way!”

“YOU REALLY WANT ME TO COME OUT THERE DON’T YOU?” Kerrigan yelled again from the back of the bus.

“WOULD YOU SHUT UP AND GO TO SLEEP!” Justin yelled to her, and received no response.  “THANK YOU!”

“YOU’RE NOT WELCOME!” she called back.

Justin huffed.  “I swear she lives to annoy me.”

“Again.  Ya’ll are a weird bunch.” JC repeated.

“This we all know.  I  wanna hear more about this Trace and Kerrigan thing?  I didn’t know you two used to date.” Chris changed the subject.

“We didn’t date.” Trace grumbled.  He hated when his and Kerrigan’s brief “relationship” got brought up.

“That’s not what you told me!” Joey countered.  “You said that you two went out for a while.  You said that she was the only girl in your class that had boobs, or something like that.”

“You said that?” Justin asked unbelievably.

“NO!  I didn’t say that!” Trace defended.

“You did too!  You said some boy bet you that if he was her boyfriend she would let him touch her boobs, so you asked her out.”

“That’s SO not what I said, Joe.  I said I asked her out so that boy couldn’t.  That was the only reason I ever asked Kerrigan to be my girlfriend.  To protect her from that dumbass Tommy Jones.”  Trace stated.

“That’s not what you told me!” Joey argued.  “You said that you wanted to touch…”

Justin cut Joey off.  “Ok, can you two please shut up.  This is Kerrigan you’re talking about.  And more importantly, Kerrigan’s…” he paused looking for the right words.  “Kerrigan’s chest you’re talking about.  So, shut up.” he said shaking his head in disgust.

And then it really dawned on him what Joey had just said, and Justin turned and stared at Trace.  “You wanted to touch her boobs?” he questioned.

“NO!  That’s not what I said!” Trace defended.

“Never mind.  I don’t want to know!” Justin said waving him off with his hand.  He didn’t want to hear anymore about Trace touching Kerrigan’s boobs.  Or anything that had anything to do with that.  It just wasn’t right.  Kerrigan was like their sister.

“I still maintain, that I didn’t say that.” Trace urged.  “Now I did tell you that I was her first kiss.” he said, looking at Joey.

“That wasn’t the only thing you told me!” Joey scowled at him.

“You were her first kiss?  That’s a lie right there!” Justin argued.

“I was so her first kiss!” Trace countered.

“No you weren’t.  I know who her first kiss was with.  She wasn’t thirteen when she had her first kiss, she was eleven!” Justin retorted.

Lance, JC, Chris and Joey watched in amusement as Justin and Trace argued over Kerrigan’s first kiss.

“Bullshit.  I was her first kiss.  She told me!”

“Then she lied!” Justin countered.

“OK, if you know so much who was her first kiss.  She was never around any other guys.  She never had any other boyfriends then, so who did she kiss?”

Justin didn’t respond.  It suddenly hit him, that he was speaking up about something that he wasn’t supposed to be speaking up about.

“See.  You’re lying.  You don’t know shit.” Trace taunted when Justin didn’t respond.

“It was me you ass!  I was her first kiss.” Justin admitted.

“WHAT?” Trace asked outrageously.  “YOU?”

The other guys burst out laughing.  “Justin, you were Kerrigan’s first kiss?” Joey asked.

“We were each other’s first kiss.  It was right before I left for MMC.  It was stupid.  I was worried I would have to kiss a girl on MMC and since I had never kissed a girl, I didn’t want to look stupid.” he defended.

“Why the hell would you think you’d be kissing a girl on a Disney show?” JC questioned.  “It’s Disney!”

“I DON’T KNOW!” Justin huffed.  “I was just worried, and I told her.  And she said that I could kiss her if I was scared that way I wouldn’t have to have my first kiss with some strange girl on a show.  And so we kissed.  It was no big deal.” he shrugged.

“No big deal?  Why didn’t you guys tell me about that?” Trace asked.

“Because we figured you’d make fun of us.”

“That’s some funny shit.  You’ve both kissed Kerrigan.” Chris laughed.  “That’s just weird.”

“Like I said it was no big deal.  We were kids.  That kind of stuff doesn’t mean anything when you’re that age.” Justin said.

“He’s right.  I kissed one of my girl friends when I was that age.” Lance stated.

“See.  No big deal.” Justin affirmed and the other guys seemed to agree.

But back in her bunk, Kerrigan was silently listening to the guy’s conversation.  A tear trickled down her cheek.  She didn’t understand how Justin could say that kiss hadn’t meant anything.  That it was no big deal.  But on the other hand she really shouldn’t have expected anything differently.

She had always had a crush on him when she was younger.  That kiss had meant so much to her back then.  But Justin was forever the naïve boy, and had never realized her true feelings for him.  He still didn’t, and probably never would, because Justin saw her as just one of the guys.  All of the guys saw her as just one of the guys.

It had been ok when they were kids.  When they were playing all the sports with the other boys in the neighborhood.  But as Kerrigan had gotten older, and her crush on Justin had developed she had yearned for him to realize and to see her as anything other than “just one of the guys”.  But it never happened, and it still hadn’t.  She was still just Kerr, the tomboy to him.  She would never be Kerrigan, the woman.

It was times like this that she really regretted ever making that deal with Justin and Trace.  If she had only known then what she knew now maybe things would be different.  But then again, maybe not.

( 1 week later - Arizona )

“WOOOOOO” Joey yelled as he and the rest of the guys quickly climbed into the Suburban that would take them back to their hotel for the night.  “I’m so pumped.  We gotta go out tonight!”

“Sounds good to me.” JC agreed.

“Me too.” Lance added.

“I’m game.  What about you Justin?” Chris said, turning his attention to Justin.

“Hell yeah.  I’m up for a lil’ party myself.  Trace?” Justin said looking to his friend.

“Count me in!” Trace smiled.

“What about you, Kerr?” Justin said turning to look for Kerrigan, but didn’t see her.  “WAIT!  We can‘t leave without Kerrigan.” he yelled to the driver, and then turned his attention to Trace.  “Where is she?”

“She went back to the hotel about an hour ago.  Right after you guys went on.” Trace informed.

“Is she ok?  Why’d she go back to the hotel?  She always stays for the shows.”  Justin questioned, concerned.

“Dunno.  Said she was tired.”

“You know….” JC started.  “She’s been acting a lil’ funny all week.  Is everything ok with her?”

“What do you mean she’s been acting funny?” Justin questioned.

“You haven’t noticed?” Lance jumped in.  “She’s just been….” he paused.  “not herself.”

“Yeah, I noticed that too.” Joey commented.

“She hasn’t mentioned anything.” Justin said, thinking back to the weeks events.  Trying to remember any peculiar behavior.

“I wouldn’t worry about it.  She was probably just tired like she said.  You know how she is.” Trace stated.

“Yeah, I guess.” Justin shrugged.  “I’ll talk to her when we get back.  She’s gotta go out with us.”
 

Back at the hotel, Kerrigan was laying in her bed watching TV.  It had been a long week, they had been rushing from one city to the next since they had left for the tour.  This was their first night in an actual hotel and off of the bus, so she was taking full advantage of getting to sleep in a real bed.

To add to the stress of being confined to a bus with six retarded males, and their busy schedule, Kerrigan couldn’t seem to clear her head.  She had been thinking more and more about the conversation she had overheard the morning they were leaving.  And the more she thought about it the more it hurt her feelings.

She was sick of being just one of the guys.  Of just blending in to the background and being totally ignored, unless one of the guys wanted a favor or something.  She was sick of being Justin’s friend Kerr, the tomboy.  She was soon to be 21 years old.  She was a woman, yet nobody treated her like one.  Was it really too much to ask to get a little attention here and there.

She wasn’t looking for the guys to go out of their way and drop her compliments or anything crazy like that.  She was simply looking for them to take a closer look and see her as the woman she was, not the “tomboy friend” they had grown used to her being.

She was friends with all the guys.  And she loved all of them dearly.  Had a unique relationship with all of them.  But they all seemed to be as blind to the fact that she was no longer that lanky 14 year old they had met all those years ago, as Justin was.  That settled it in her mind, men were blind and stupid.  Among other things.

Kerrigan slowly climbed off the bed, and walked into her bathroom.  She stood before the mirror studying herself.  She wasn’t an ugly girl.  She knew she was pretty.  Maybe not a super model, but she knew she wasn’t ugly.

She had always been a taller girl, around 5’7”, and thin.  That was where everyone got the lanky thing from.  Because she was tall and thin they called her lanky, and she hated it.  But looking in the mirror, even she could notice the difference in herself.  She actually had a body.  A really nice figure if she did say so herself.

But looking at herself a little further she guessed that it probably wasn’t so easy for people to tell, since she was always wearing jeans and t-shirts.  She never really wore anything form fitting.  She liked her clothing somewhat baggy and comfortable.  She definitely wasn’t a girly girl.

That was something she had been thinking about changing for a while.  Possibly getting a makeover so to speak.  Maybe a haircut.  A little makeup.  Some different clothes.  Maybe then guys would notice her.

Kerrigan sighed and mumbled to herself.  “Face it Kerr.  You’re just you.  Kerr!”

She turned sideways, to further study herself in the mirror.  It seemed she was doing that a lot lately.  Scrutinizing herself.  Trying to figure out why no one noticed she wasn’t a little girl anymore.  It was literally starting to drive her crazy.  She was surrounded by guys, and not one seemed to notice her.  Not ONE!

She turned back facing the mirror and began to play with her long brown hair.  It was always pulled back in a pony tail.  She didn’t even know why she bothered keeping her hair since she never did anything with it.  Wasn’t like it was so easy to take care of.  Not when your hair is clear down your back.  That takes a lot of upkeep.  She was seriously thinking of cutting it all off.

“If they think I’m a boy, I might as well look like one.” she mumbled, pulling the tie out of her hair, so it could flow freely down her back.

Kerrigan let out another sigh and continued to scrutinize herself in the mirror.  Looking over herself, inspecting every freckle on her face.  She had great skin.  Luckily blemishes had never really been a problem for her growing up.  Unlike other people she knew her age.

She pulled her shirt tight to her body, giving further thought to the idea of getting some new clothing.  More form fitting clothing.  Something a little more flattering to the figure she now possessed.  Something all together more feminine.

Pulling her shirt up, Kerrigan studied her stomach in the mirror.  It was flat and toned.  Maybe she could even get a belly piercing.  Britney had one and she actually thought it was rather cute, but she knew that everyone would trip out if she got a belly ring.  But then change was good, right?

“What are you doing?” came Justin’s voice from behind her, causing Kerrigan to jump.  Her eyes shot up to meet his in the mirror.  He was giving her a peculiar look.

“Oh…um…” she stammered, quickly dropping her shirt back down to his normal position.  “Nothing.”

“Why was you staring at your stomach?” Justin asked, moving to stand beside her.  “Something wrong?” he asked, attempting to lift her shirt to look at her stomach, but Kerrigan quickly batted his hand away.

“How did you get in here?  Do you not knock?” she asked.

“Mike let me in.  And I did knock.  A couple times in fact, but you never answered.  I thought maybe something was wrong so I asked him to unlock your door for me.  It’s not like you to not answer your door.  Or to leave the show early.  Is everything ok?”

“Everything’s fine.” Kerrigan said nonchalantly, walking out of the bathroom and back to her bed.

Justin followed her into the other room, eyeing her.  “You sure something’s not wrong.  The guys pointed out that you’ve been acting strange this week.”

“Justin, everything’s fine.  Why would they think I’ve been acting strange?”

“I don’t know.  I didn’t notice anything, but they said you haven’t been yourself this week.  And it’s really not like you to leave during the show.  You always wait on me.”

“Well, I was tired so I decided to come back to the hotel.  I didn’t think it was a big deal.  I’ve seen the other two shows this week, and I’ve still got a ton more to see.  I’m sure I didn’t miss anything.” she shrugged, and began flipping through the channels.

Justin sat down on the bed beside her.  He studied her.  She was acting kind of weird.  Usually she was more energetic and excited about things.  The guys were right, she really wasn’t acting like herself.  “You know if something’s bothering you, you can tell me right?”

Kerrigan glanced up at Justin and rolled her eyes.  “Really, J.  Everything’s fine.  I was just tired.  Trying to get back in the swing of being on tour again.  It’s really not a big deal.”

“OK.  I just wanted to make sure everything was ok.”

“It is, so stop worrying so much.  If something was wrong, you know I’d tell ya.” she gave him a half smile.

“Ok, I was just checking.”

They were silent for a few moments.  Kerrigan had focused her attention on some infomercial that was on TV, and Justin was lost in thought.  It was blatantly obvious that something was troubling Kerrigan, and he knew it.  But he also knew that he couldn’t push her because it wouldn’t do him any good.  She was stubborn just like him, and she wouldn’t talk until she was ready.

“Ok, so I guess you’re too tired to go out with us then?” he asked, breaking the silence.

Kerrigan looked back up at Justin.  “Go out where?” she asked.

“To a club.  Joe suggested it, and I’m still all pumped up from the show, and this is our first overnight in a city, so it sounded good to me.” he shrugged.

“I don’t know, J.  I’m kinda tired.”

“Aw, come on Kerr!  It’ll be fun.  Maybe you need a night out with the guys.  Besides I’m still getting used to this being able to legally drink stuff.  I’ll sneak ya a drink.” he smirked at her.

But Kerrigan didn’t return his smile.  She was still stuck on his statement about a night out with the guys.  It figured he’d say something like that.  What more proof did she need?  If it wasn’t obvious before, this was all she needed to know exactly how Justin seen her.  But then she knew it hadn’t changed since she had seen him earlier that afternoon.

“J, really I’m tired and…” she attempted, but Justin cut her off.

“I’m not taking no for an answer.  It’s obvious something’s wrong, and I’m not even gonna press on that because I know better.  But you need to quit sulking and come out with us.  You know you’ll have a good time.  You always do.”

“Oh yeah.  I always have a great time.” she said, and then thought, “Watching you guys fawn over all the girls at the club, while you leave me at the damn table alone.”

“I’m going to ignore the sarcastic remark, and accept that as a yes.” he smiled.

“Whatever.” she shrugged.

“Don’t whatever me.  Get your ass up and come on.  We gotta meet up with the other guys in Joey’s room.” he said, grabbing her arm and pulling her up from the bed.

“Wait.  I should probably change.” Kerrigan argued.

“Nah, you look fine.  Come on, let’s go.” Justin said, continuing to pull on her arm.

Kerrigan dug her feet into the carpet and pulled her arm from him. “I look fine?  Have you seen what I’m wearing?” she asked, gesturing towards her rumpled outfit.

“Jeans and a t-shirt.  What else would you be wearing?  That’s what you always wear.” he shrugged.

And that went right through the heart.  Although, he did have a point, and she didn’t feel like arguing with him.  “Whatever.” she sighed, and allowed herself to be pulled from her room.

Chris was making his way back over to the table where they had all started off from that night after arriving and being escorted up to VIP.  But it hadn’t taken long after they got there for all the guys to go their separate ways.  Mingling with the crowd in VIP, and the braver souls like Joey and Justin on the main floor.

Chris had been standing over at the bar, talking to a cute red head when he noticed Kerrigan sitting at the table by herself, looking less than thrilled.  So he had excused himself from his conversation and headed her way.

“Having fun?” he asked, when he finally got back to the table and where Kerrigan could hear him.

“Oh, yeah.  Tons!” she said sarcastically.

“What’s wrong, Kerr?” Chris asked, honestly concerned.  Out of all the guys besides Justin and Trace, Chris was next in line, as far as who Kerrigan was closest too.

“Oh, nothing.  Just that Justin dragged me to this friggin’ club, only to dissert me like he always does.  I’m sure he’s having a great time, but does he actually think I have a good time just sitting here by myself all night long?”

“Well, you’re not by yourself now, are you?” Chris smiled at her, trying to make her feel better.

Kerrigan returned the smile.  “Nice try, Chris.  And I appreciate it, I really do, but I’m sick of this.  This isn’t my scene.  I mean I like a good party as much as any other person.  And I’m up for going out sometimes and dancing and stuff, but I am not up for being ditched at some club, in a strange city.  Especially, when I didn’t want to come in the first place.”

“Well, I’m ready to get freaky deaky if you are.  Wanna dance?” he smirked, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

Kerrigan couldn’t help but laugh.  That was what she loved about Chris, he was always able to make her laugh.  He never took things too seriously, and she wished she could be a little more like him sometimes, but unfortunately for him, tonight was not one of those times.  “As tempting as that is, I think I’m just gonna head back to the hotel.  You were chatting it up with that cute red head over there, whom is STILL eyeing you.  So you go back over there and chat her up some more.  I’m just gonna head back.” she said, getting up from the table.

“Kerrigan, you can’t go back to the hotel alone.  How you gonna get there?” Chris argued, grabbing her gently by her arm to stop her.

“In case that liquor you’ve been drinking has clouded your memory, I know what hotel we’re staying at.  And I happen to have money for a cab.  And fortunately for me, I’m not in a pop group, so I can manage without being mobbed.  I’ll be fine.  You have a good time and I’ll see ya in the morning.” she patted him on the shoulder and smiled before pulling away from his grasp and walking off.

“KERRIGAN!” Chris yelled after her, hoping to stop her.

“GOODNIGHT CHRIS!” she called back with a wave over her shoulder, not even turning to look at him.

Kerrigan made her way through the crowd of people in the VIP area, passing Lance and JC.  Both had eyed her curiously, and mouthed “where you going” to her, but she had simply smiled at them and kept walking.  She didn’t need any of the other guys trying to stop her.  She was determined she was going back to the hotel, and that was all there was to it.

As she was making her way down the stairs to the main level she noticed Justin and Joey dancing away on the main dance floor, with their own formidable dance partners.  “Glad they’re having fun.” she mumbled to herself, turning her attention back to where she was going.

She located the exit, and set her sites on reaching it.  Which really wasn’t an easy task, considering all the people that were packed into the club that night.  But she continued to push and squeeze her way through the crowd until she finally reached the exit.  When she got outside, she took a deep breath of clean, fresh air.  It was so smokey inside the club, it was definitely much better outside.

Kerrigan looked around and noticed a few other people wandering in and out of the club.  Some of them so drunk they could hardly walk, and others just arriving.  But at least they all looked happy to be there, which was more than she could say for herself.

Sighing she turned her attention to the street, now she had to somehow get a cab or something back to the hotel.  That’s all she wanted.  Just to get back to the hotel, and crawl into her big, comfy king sized bed.  It sounded just heavenly at the moment.

Her thoughts however, were torn from her heavenly fantasies about her bed, when she heard some guy shouting.  “HEY!  YOU IN THE RED SHIRT!”

Kerrigan glanced down at her red shirt and then back up at the guy as if to ask “ME?” and he nodded.  Thinking nothing of it, Kerrigan proceeded to walk over to where the guy was standing outside of a cab.  “Need a lift back to the hotel?” he asked.

“Huh?” Kerrigan asked confused.  How did he know she was going back to the hotel?

“I’m apart of the crew.” he said discreetly, as to not draw attention.  “I’ve seen you around.  You looked like you were heading out, so I thought I’d share my taxi with you.” he offered.

“Oh, you’re on the crew?” Kerrigan asked, racking her brain to see if she remembered him at all.

“Yeah, lighting.” he answered.  “My names Cody.  You’re Kerrigan, right?” he asked extending his hand.

“Um, yeah.” she said, taking his hand and shaking it.

“Don’t worry, I’m not some freak.  I’ve just heard some of the guys talking about you.  You’re Justin’s friend right?”

“Yeah.” she answered, not really sure of what else to say.

“So do you wanna share my taxi with me?  I mean if you were actually leaving and not just out here for some fresh air.”

“Oh, no.  I was definitely leaving.” she affirmed.

“Well, since we’re both going to the same place, then we might as well share a taxi.”

“Yeah, we might as well.” Kerrigan smiled, and climbed into the taxi, as he held the door open for her.  Once she was in he climbed in behind her and shut the door, giving the driver their destination.
 

“Chris, where the hell did Kerrigan just go?” Justin demanded, after storming up to him and jerking him away from the red head, he had just resumed talking to.

“Chill out, J.  What’s up with grabbing me away from the lady like that.” Chris said, pulling away from Justin.

“Why did I just see Kerrigan getting into a cab with some strange guy?” Justin glared at him.  “I thought you was watching her.  Was she drinking?  Who was that guy?”

“Whoa…hold up.  She left with a guy?” Chris asked, confused.

“Isn’t that what I just said?” Justin glared at him.

“Well, when she left me a few minutes ago she was alone, and perfectly sober, so I have no clue what you’re talking about.” Chris shrugged.

“Why did she leave?  Better yet, why did you let her?  I brought her out tonight so she could have a good time.  Why would you let her leave?  And alone?”

“J, maybe if you were a better host or whatever she wouldn’t have left.  You drug her out to some club, when she didn’t want to come in the first place, and then you ditched her.  I wouldn’t stay either.  She said she was tired and going back to the hotel.  She wasn’t having fun.  What was I supposed to do, tie her to the table?”

“Well, who the hell was that guy then?”

“I have no idea who you’re talking about.  Like I said, when she left me she was alone.  How do you know she left with some guy?” Chris asked.

“Because, I seen her coming down the stairs.  I thought maybe she was gonna come dance with me and Joe or something but instead she headed for the door.  So I went to catch up with her.  Took me forever to get through all those damn people down there, and by the time I got out the door she was climbing into a taxi with some guy, and they drove off before I could stop them.  I can’t believe she left with some strange guy, in a strange city.  What if he’s like some crazy person or something?  What if he hurts her, Chris?” Justin asked, growing somewhat frantic.

“Hold up, J.  Calm down for a sec and think here.  Kerrigan, is a smart girl.  She wouldn’t just get into a car with a strange person and go off somewhere.  You know her better than that.  I’m sure there’s a perfectly good explanation for it.”  Chris tried to reassure him.

“Well, I know what I saw.  And I didn’t recognize the guy, and she doesn’t know anyone in this town as far as I know.  So you tell me why my such a smart friend Kerrigan just got into a taxi with a strange guy?”

“Well, I guess maybe next time you’ll pay more attention to her then.” Chris shrugged.  He was acting nonchalantly about it, but really on the inside he was a little worried too.  It really wasn’t like Kerrigan to just go off with some strange person.  And he knew that Justin had to have really seen her, he wouldn’t be this upset over nothing.

But at the same time, Justin also needed to learn a lesson.  He needed to learn that he couldn’t just drag Kerrigan out to places, and then just leave her.  Especially by herself, and then expect her to stick around.  She was not that type of person, and if anyone should know that, it should be Justin.

“Chris!” Justin growled.

“Fine, do you want to go back to the hotel and see if she’s there before you call out some huge search party, or start jumping to any conclusions?” he suggested.

“Yes!  Let’s go.  NOW!” Justin said, pushing Chris towards the exit.

“I’m going, I’m going.  We should at least let the other guys know we’re leaving.”

“Mike will radio Lonnie and the others.  They’ll tell them.” Justin said, still pushing Chris.

“You know, J.  If you worried more about Kerr when she was around, you wouldn’t have this problem.  She wouldn’t just take a notion to leave.” Chris stated.

“Oh, so it’s my fault she just hopped in a car with some strange guy.” Justin scoffed, as they exited the club and loaded up into the awaiting Suburban outside.

“Yeah, it is.” Chris said bluntly.  “She’s your friend Justin.  I mean, she’s my friend too, and I love Kerrigan as if she were one of my sisters, but the fact of the matter is, that she’s your friend and you drag her along on these things, and then you ditch her when we go out.  Don’t you ever stop to think about how she feels.  It can’t be fun for her to sit at a table alone all night while everyone else is out having a good time.”

“Is it lecture Justin night or something?” Justin groaned.

“No, I’m just saying that this is your fault.  Point blank, this is your fault.  Just so there’s no confusion.” Chris smirked.

“Well, I’m glad we could clear that up.  But let’s focus more on the where the hell Kerrigan is and who the hell did she leave with, dilemma.  OK?” Justin growled.

“Ok.”

Chapter 4

The ride back to the hotel was a silent one.  Kerrigan didn’t really know what to say to the guy.  She’d vaguely remembered seeing him around, but she had never really talked to him.  She didn’t really talk to many people on the crew, with the exception of a couple of the guys that had been on every tour she had been on.

When they reached the hotel, Kerrigan reached into her back pocket to pull out some money to pay for her portion of the ride, but Cody waived her off.  “It’s ok.  I got it.” he smiled at her, while paying the cabbie.

“Thanks.” she said, as she climbed out of the cab.

The two of them made their way inside the hotel, passed the few fans that were still standing outside the entrance hoping for a glimpse of the guys.  They showed their room keys to the guard at the door, and were admitted inside.

They silently crossed the lobby and made their way to the elevators.  Once inside Cody looked over at Kerrigan.  “What floor ya need?”

“I’m on 12.”

“We’re on 11.” he told her as he pressed the appropriate buttons.

It must have been the longest elevator ride of Kerrigan’s life, or so it seemed.  But when they finally did reach Cody’s floor he turned and smiled at her.  “Well, I guess I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah, I’ll see ya around.” she smiled.

Cody chuckled at her.  “You’re a woman of many words, huh?” he asked, throwing Kerrigan off guard.

“I’m a what?” she asked.

“A woman of many words.  Meaning you don’t talk much do you?” he said, standing in the doorway, holding the doors open.

“Oh, sorry.  No, normally I’m a little more talkative, I’m just really tired tonight.  Just wanna go to bed.  Sorry.  I promise next time you see me I’ll try to be a little more sociable.” she shrugged.

“Ok.  Well, I’ll be looking forward to that then.” he winked at her and then walked off down the hall.

The elevator doors closed, and Kerrigan stood there baffled.  Was he just flirting with her?  He winked at her.  No guy had ever winked at her.  Well, other than Joey or one of the other guys of Nsync and that was always in a playful manner.  Hell, Kerrigan was still tripping over the fact that he had called her a woman.  Finally, someone had noticed she was in fact a woman.

Smiling to herself Kerrigan exited the elevator when it reached her floor and headed down to her room.  All she wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep.  She was extremely exhausted.  Justin had, had her running around that day like a chicken with her head cut off, while Trace pretty much just hung out with the guys clowning around.

As much as she loved going on tour with the guys, because she loved all the traveling they did, there were portions about it that she hated.  Like how Justin got so caught up in everything going on around him and all the attention he was getting that he tended to ignore her presence.  It was like she just faded away into the background.  She really missed just hanging out with him and watching TV, or joking around.

Kerrigan sighed and quickly changed into a pair of boxer shorts and a t-shirt, she’d worry with a shower in the  morning.  Right now all she wanted to do was sleep.

She had just climbed into her bed, when there was a banging on her door followed by Justin’s loud voice.  “Kerrigan, are you in there?  Open up!”

“What now?” she grumbled, climbing out of the bed and making her way across the room to open the door.  “What Justin?” she asked as she opened the door, seeing both Justin and Chris standing there.

“See!  I told you she would be in her room.” Chris said.

“Whatever.“ Justin said to Chris and then turned his attention to Kerrigan.  “Who was that guy you left with?”

“Who? Cody?”

“Yeah, who was he?” he asked, pushing past her and walking into her room looking around as if he expected to find the guy in her room.

“He’s one of the crew members.” she replied, going back over to her bed and crawling in it.

“You know him?”

“Not really.” she shrugged, crawling under her covers.

“Ok, she’s here.  Now let’s let her get some sleep.” Chris said from the doorway, trying to prevent an argument that he was sure would erupt if Justin continued on the way he was.

“No.  I wanna know who that guy was.” Justin said, and Chris sighed.  He shook his head as he entered her room, allowing the door to close behind him.  At least he would be there to call 911 if needed.

“Justin, what is this about?  I thought you guys were at the club.” Kerrigan asked annoyed.

“I was at the club, and then I seen you leaving so I went to find out what was going on and I seen you getting into some cab with a strange guy.  I was worried so I wanted to come check on you.”

“You didn’t think I could find my way back to the hotel?” she gave him a dirty look.  “I’m not stupid, Justin.”

“Well, that remains to be seen.  You got into cab with some guy you just told me you don’t know.  That could be classified as stupid.”

“Ok, I’m not in the mood to fight with you.  I’m tired and I wanna sleep, so you can leave now.” Kerrigan sighed, sinking further into her bed.

Justin walked over and sat down on the edge of her bed.  “So you’re ok?”

“Why wouldn’t I be ok?  We just road back to the hotel together.  He seen me coming out, figured I was leaving and since he was heading back here too, he thought we might as well share a cab.  It’s really not a big deal, Justin.”

“How did he know who you were?” Justin questioned.

“Apparently he’s seen me around.  You know I do work for you, remember?” she growled.

Chris could see that Kerrigan was growing impatient with Justin’s questioning, and Chris knew her well enough to know that if Justin got her really pissed off, she was going to explode and that was never a pretty picture.  “Ok, J.  She’s here.  She’s safe.  Can we go now?  Kerr’s obviously tired, so let’s leave and let her get some rest.  Ya’ll can talk about this in the morning.  When you’ve had less to drink and aren’t being so dramatic.”

“I’m not being dramatic.  I was just concerned about my friend.  Is there some law against that?” Justin glared at Chris.

“Well, maybe you shoulda been a little more concerned while I was at the club, instead of ditching me.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I don’t have time for your mellow dramatics.  I’m tired and I want to sleep.  You can let yourself out.” Kerrigan said, turning her back to him.

Justin sighed, sitting there for a moment in thought.  Then he crawled into her bed with her and wrapped his arm around her from behind.  “Kerr, I’m sorry I yelled.  I didn’t recognize the guy, and I was just trying to watch out for you.  You’ve been acting weird lately, I was just worried.  You know I love ya right?”

“Of course I do, J.  And I love you too.  Now get outta here so I can get some sleep.  It’s been a long day.” Kerrigan said, squeezing his arm.

“Ok.  I’ll see ya in the morning.” he said, giving her one more squeezing hug, before climbing out of the bed and making his way over to the door where Chris was standing.

Justin gave one last look in Kerrigan’s direction, he and Chris then silently left her room, to stand in the hall.

“Are you satisfied now?” Chris asked.

“Don’t start, Chris.  I was just concerned.  She’s never done anything like that before, and she’s like a sister to me.  I don’t want to see anything happen to her.”

“J, I don’t want to see anything happen to Kerrigan either, but she’s a smart girl.  She wouldn’t have gotten into that cab with someone if she didn’t feel it was safe.  She knows enough to know better, so you need to stop worrying so much.” Chris tried to reprimand him.

“You were worried too.  I could see it in your eyes, so don’t stand here and lecture me, Chris.  Cause you’re not fooling anyone.  But I think on that note I’m gonna head to my room too.  All this excitement has worn me out.  I’ll see ya in the morning.” Justin said and then slipped into his room before Chris could counter or deny anything.

Chris stood there momentarily with a scowl on his face at how Justin had just slipped into his room, not giving him the chance to respond.  But his scowl quickly turned into a smile.  Justin was right he had been worried too.  But he was just happy to see Justin taking care of his friend.  Chris wasn’t blind to the fact that Justin tended to ignore Kerrigan at times.  And he also wasn’t blind to the fact that it hurt Kerrigan very much.

He couldn’t count the times he had seen her just sitting off by herself lost in thought.  He wasn’t sure what she was thinking about, but he could always tell it was something important.  And more than likely related to Justin and his behavior in some way.

Chris knew Kerrigan pretty well, she was an easy person to read if you just took the time.  And he knew there was a lot more to Kerrigan’s feelings for Justin than friendship.  He’d seen the way she looks at him, and silently begs for him to look back.  But Justin was too blind to see what was right in front of him.  And for someone that knew the girl as well as Justin did, Chris couldn’t quite come up with any other explanation than Justin was in some kind of denial.  Or just didn’t want to see her for the woman she had become.

But all of that remained to be seen.  And it was not a problem that Chris was ready or interested in taking on.  He would speak up and remind Justin when he was being and ass and ignoring Kerrigan, but he wasn’t about to point out Kerrigan’s feelings to him.  That would just be asking for trouble.

Instead, Chris would leave it up to Kerrigan and Justin.  If things were meant to be, then they would eventually be.  He wasn’t about to tempt fate. 

Chapter 5

( 4 days later - Texas )

“I swear to you Trace, it’s the funniest damn thing I have ever seen in my life!” Kerrigan laughed.  “You shoulda seen the look on his face.”

“It wasn’t that funny, Kerrigan.” Justin groaned, as he continued to walk down the long hallway of the venue.  Both Kerrigan and Trace laughing hysterically at his expense.

“I wish I woulda been there.  It would have been funny has hell to see Justin get his ego deflated.” Trace laughed.

“Oh, it was.  When that blonde walked up to him, his eyes nearly popped out of his head.  He was all whispering to me as she was making her way over about how she was so hot and so sexy.  He thought he had it made.  And then when she found out he wasn’t Ryan Phillipe, and walked off not giving him a second look.  Oh my god, I about died.  He just stood there totally shocked.  And totally confused.  Like he couldn’t believe that she wouldn’t want him.  She didn’t even know who Justin Timberlake was!” Kerrigan continued to laugh, as she explained to Trace the encounter she and Justin had, had at the mall earlier that afternoon.

“It REALLY wasn’t that funny, Kerrigan.” Justin rolled his eyes at her.

“But if you could have seen your face, J.  You’d be laughing too.” Kerrigan smirked at him.

“Whatever.  She wasn’t all that anyways.” Justin shrugged nonchalantly, and turned to walk out onto the stage where he was supposed to meet the other guys for sound check.

“He says that now.  Now that he was dissed and dismissed.” Trace chuckled.

“She did not diss me!” Justin argued.

“Who dissed Justin?” Joey questioned, overhearing their conversation as they stepped onto the stage.

“Oh, let me tell you the story…” Kerrigan began.

Justin silenced her by quickly placing his hand over her mouth.  “No, let’s not!”

Since Kerrigan couldn’t share the news Trace did.  “Some girl dissed Justin at the mall because he wasn’t Ryan Phillipe.”

Joey immediately began laughing.  “I wish I coulda seen that.  Did he pout about it?”

Kerrigan tried to answer, but Justin had yet to remove his hand from her mouth so she vigorously shook her head yes.

“NO I DIDN’T!” Justin cried out, as he removed his hand from Kerrigan’s mouth.

“Yes, you did J.  It was your all famous pout, when you don’t get your way.  I know that pout too well.  Trust me.  You were pouting.” Kerrigan smiled.

“Whatever.” he said, then turning his attention to the other guys that were standing there watching with amused smirks on their faces.  “I DID NOT pout!” he said when he seen them.  “You know what, never mind.  Let’s get sound check started.  I’ve had enough of Kerrigan trying to embarrass me today.” he said giving her a gentle shove as he walked over to the other guys.

“Well, you make it so easy.  I really don’t have to try too hard, Justin.”

“Don’t you have something to do?” he asked her, giving her a playful glare.

Over the last few days Justin had been sure to pay more attention to Kerrigan and spend more time with her.  After their night in Arizona, and it being pointed out to him by not only Kerrigan but also Chris that he had been ignoring her he had retreated to his room that night and thought it over.

Thinking back over his actions he realized they were both right, and made it a point not to ignore her.  He didn’t want Kerrigan feeling left out.  He enjoyed having her around, and he honestly didn’t know what he would do if she at some point decided to stop being his assistant and go her own way.  She was an important part of his life, and he didn’t want to neglect their friendship anymore than he already had for fear she would get fed up and walk.  Only this time it wouldn’t be from some club he had dragged her out to.  This time it would be from his day to day life, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to deal with that.  He had grown dependant on her presence, and not having her around simply wasn’t an option.

“Yeah, yeah.” Kerrigan rolled her eyes at him.

“You know, Kerr you really need to kick his ass.” Joey stated out of no where.

“Why should she do that?” Justin asked, giving Joey a peculiar look.

“Just because I think it would be fun to watch.” he shrugged.

Kerrigan laughed at Joey.  He was always coming up with off the wall stuff, and she couldn’t help but to laugh at him.  But it was a part of his charm.  “Maybe some other time, Joe.  Right now I have “something” to do.” she said, emphasizing the something.

“What would that something be?” Lance asked, playing with his mic set.

“Gotta look over some paperwork for the Justin Timberlake Foundation.” she shrugged.  “It’ll take me all but a half hour.”

“Well, why don’t you hang here with us then?” Chris asked.  “Drool over us five gorgeous men.” he smirked at her playfully.

“Sorry, that’s Trace’s job.” Kerrigan grinned over at Trace, and then quickly exited the stage before he could reply, although she did hear him calling something after her but she couldn‘t make out just what.

She made her way through the backstage area, and out into one of the main hallways of the venue, saying hi to some of the staff and crew members as she passed.

Ducking quickly into Justin’s dressing room, Kerrigan found her backpack and dug through it to find the papers she needed to look over.  After finding them she walked back out of the dressing room and headed back down the hall towards the stage again.  Since she knew it wouldn’t take her long to go over the paperwork, she figured she might as well amuse herself with the guys antics on stage.  They were always clowning around.  Yet another thing she loved about them.

Turning the corner, she looked up from the papers she had been studying just in time to prevent from walking right into someone.  Then she realized that someone was Cody.

Cody noticed her and smiled.  “Hey there.”

“Hey there yourself.” she smiled back.

“Oh my god she speaks!” he feigned astonishment.

“Cute.” Kerrigan said, rolling her eyes at him.

“Well, you’re definitely in better sprits today.”

“Yeah, well like I said the other night.  I was tired, and just wanted to crawl into my bed and sleep.  Thanks again for sharing your taxi with me.”

“Not a problem.  We were both going to the same place.” he shrugged.

“Yeah, but still.  Thanks.” she smiled awkwardly, not really sure of what else to say.

They stood there silently for a moment before Cody spoke up again.  “So where was ya headed?”

“I was just going to go out and watch the guys sound check.  I’m looking over some paperwork for J, and I knew it wouldn’t take long so I figured I might as well come back and get a good laugh at their expense.”

“They are some pretty funny guys.” Cody nodded in agreement.

“They’re friggin’ crazy.” Kerrigan laughed.

“Well, I was just headed in that way too.  Gotta finish setting up the lighting for the show tonight, so is it ok if I walk with you?”

“I don’t see why not.” Kerrigan shrugged and began to walk again.  Cody following quickly beside her.

“So you’re close to Justin, huh?  How do you two know each other?” he asked, trying to make conversation.  He had seen her around on several occasions, just hanging out and having a good time with the guys.  There was something about Kerrigan that intrigued him and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to get to know her better.

“Oh, we’ve known each other since we were babies.  Our parents were friends, therefore we ended up being friends.”

“And so he just brings you on tour with him?  Are you two like dating or something?”

“No.  We’re just friends.  I’m actually one of his personal assistants.  Both me and Trace help J out with stuff.  It’s his way of bringing us along with him and keeping us close.”

“Well, that’s nice of him.” Cody smiled at her as they walked into the arena area.

“Yeah.” Kerrigan agreed.

The two of them continued into the room, Kerrigan quickly finding a chair to plop down in, so she could look over the papers.  Cody was still following her, just talking about random things.  He was really nice.  And VERY cute.  Hell, she’d even go as far as to steal one of Justin’s words and say he was hot.

He reminded her a lot of the actor Orlando Bloom, with his rugged brown hair and brown eyes.  From what she could see in his jeans and staff t-shirt he had a nice body too.  She guessed he probably worked out on a regular basis.  That or his job just kept him fit, because he definitely had nice arms.  A feature that Kerrigan enjoyed immensely on men.  As far as she was concerned there was nothing like a nice set of arms.

After a minute of awkwardly just standing in front of her while talking to her, Cody finally took a seat in the chair next to her as they were getting into a conversation about the lighting and what all he had to do to set it up.  Usually that kind of conversation would bore Kerrigan senseless, but for some reason she was completely captivated by him when he spoke and she didn’t care what he was talking about.

Meanwhile, Justin was up on stage talking with the guys and joking around.  He hadn’t even noticed Kerrigan sitting out in the first row of chairs until he noticed JC looking off in that direction.  He turned to see what JC was staring at and that’s when he noticed Kerrigan.  And the fact that she wasn’t alone.

Justin wasn’t sure, because he hadn’t gotten a good look at the guy she left with the other night, but he did remember that the guy had brown hair, so he assumed that the guy she was sitting out there talking to was the same she had road back to the hotel with the other night.

JC noticed that Justin was staring and decided to ask who the guy Kerrigan was talking to was.  All of the guys were protective of her in their own way.  JC had known her the longest out of the other guys, because he had met her while on MMC with Justin.  And it was just odd to see her talking to some guy.  She talked to guys all the time, but very rarely did she talk to guys her age.  Outside of him, Justin, Trace, Lance, Joey, and Chris anyways.

“Who’s that guy Kerrigan’s talking to?” JC asked.

“I’m not sure, but I think he’s the guy that she road back to the hotel with the other night.  I think she said he works on lighting.” Justin shrugged.

“Oh, he must be one of the new guys then.  I’ve seen him around, but haven’t really had the chance to talk to him or anything.” JC stated.

“Yeah, me either.” Justin said still watching the interaction between Kerrigan and Cody.

“You’re going to go interrogate him aren’t you?” JC asked, noticing the menacing look on Justin’s face.

“What would make you say that?” Justin asked innocently.

“I know you, J.  And any time a guy comes near Kerrigan, you’re interrogating them.  You’ve probably scared off half her date prospects.” JC chuckled.

“I don’t interrogate them!”

“Yes you do!  You ask them all kinds of stupid questions.  And glare at them in this weird fatherly way.  I mean if Kerrigan knew about half the guys you’ve basically warned to steer clear of her she’d probably strangle you.”

“I haven’t warned anyone to stay away from her.” Justin lied.

“Maybe not verbally, but I’ve seen the way you look at the guys when you catch them staring at her.  You give them this look and that’s enough right there.  You don’t even need to verbalize it.”

“I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about, JC.”

“OK.  Go find a mirror and check out the expression on your face right now.  If that guy were looking at you, and seen the expression on your face, which clearly says  STAY AWAY, then you’d know what I’m talking about.”  JC smiled knowingly.

“Well, I don’t do it on purpose.  It’s just I know how these guys are.  They’re on the road, and a lot of them tend to take advantage.  I don’t want Kerrigan getting mixed up with anyone like that.  She’s my friend, I gotta look out for her.”

“Hey, I’m not trying to give you a hard time dude.  Just merely pointing out the fact that sooner or later your fatherly look isn’t gonna work on one of these guys.  Kerrigan’s, a great girl, and a good catch.  And sooner or later some guys gonna wanna catch her, if you know what I mean.  And that looks not gonna work, and then well you know.  Hell, I’m not really making any sense am I?”

“Not really, but amazingly enough I actually understood what you just said.” Justin gave him a funny look.

“Yeah, well anyways.  Back to work.” JC said before turning and walking over to talk to Lance.

Justin stood there for a moment thinking about what JC had said.  He honestly didn’t know that he gave guys that look when he caught them checking Kerrigan out, but he would have to admit he had pretty much all but threatened a few.

Kerrigan wasn’t just any girl.  She was special to him and he wasn’t about to let just any guy around her.  He wasn’t going to let any guy use and abuse her for their own selfish needs or wants.  And if he didn’t think the guys were suitable for her, he wasn’t afraid to let the guy know that.

Of course he had NEVER mentioned that to Kerrigan.  She’d have his head on a platter if he told her that he’d actually physically threatened a couple guys that he had overheard talking about asking her out.  She would give him some long ass lecture about minding his own business, and yell and cuss at him a bit.  And that was something Justin tried to avoid whenever possible.  The girl had a temper to be reconded with.

Justin gave a look around at the other guys.  So much for sound check, they all seemed to be caught up in their own conversations so Justin decided he’d go over and see what this guy Cody and Kerrigan were talking about.  They’d been sitting there for a few minutes now just talking.  And Kerrigan was smiling like a fool.  She was obviously diggin’ this guy, and of course Justin needed to further inspect the guy since he knew nothing about him.

Walking over to the edge of the stage, he sat down on the edge and waited for Kerrigan to look up at him.  But when she didn’t even notice his presence, he spoke up.  “Did you get those papers all looked over?” he asked, and then silently scolded himself for such a lame question.  He really needed to be a little more original.

Kerrigan looked up at Justin surprised to see him sitting right in front of her on the stage.  “I’ll be done with them in a few minutes.  There’s not really much to it, so it won't take long.”

“Well, no rush.  Just thought I’d ask.  The other guys seemed to have forgotten what we were here for, and are off in their own worlds again.” he said looking over Kerrigan and then glancing over to Cody.

“You all have such short attention spans.” Kerrigan smirked at him.

“Ha Ha” Justin rolled his eyes at her and then focused his attention on Cody.  “So you must be the guy that brought Kerr back to the hotel the other night.  Thanks for making sure she got back ok.”

Cody looked up at Justin.  “Oh, it was no problem.  I seen her coming out and figured since we were going to the same place we might as well share the taxi.” he shrugged.

“That was mighty considerate of you.” Justin stated, and Kerrigan gave him a funny look.  She didn’t miss the bitterness in Justin’s tone, although Cody didn’t seem to notice.

Figuring now would be as good a time as any to introduce the two, Kerrigan spoke up.  “J, this is Cody.  Cody this is Justin.”

“Nice to meet ya man.” Cody said, standing and extending his hand to Justin.

“Yeah.  You too.” Justin said, taking Cody‘s hand briefly to shake it..

An awkward silence fell over the three of them and Cody took that as he queue to get back to work.  He was picking up some unfriendly vibes from Justin and though he was choosing to ignore them, he also knew he needed to get back to work.

“Well, I guess I better get back to work before I get in trouble.” he said standing.  “Maybe I’ll see ya around later?” he asked, looking to Kerrigan for some form of encouragement.

“Yeah, I’m sure I’ll see ya around.” she smiled.

“Ok.  Well then I’ll see ya later.” Cody smiled at her, and then turned to Justin.  “Nice to meet ya.  Later man.” and then walked off.

Justin watched his retreating back and waited until he was out of ear shot before he hopped down off the stage and took a seat next to Kerrigan.  “So what was that all about?”

“What was what all about?” Kerrigan asked, not looking up from the papers she had now focused on.

“You and him.  What were you talking about?” Justin pushed.  So what if he was being nosey, he looked at it as his job as her friend.

“We were just talking, Justin.  Nothing important, just talking.”

“He was hitting on you.” Justin pointed out.

Kerrigan’s eyes lifted for the first time from the papers she had become engrossed in.  “I seriously doubt that, J.” she said, looking at him as if he were insane.

“He was TOTALLY hitting on you, Kerr.  How can you not know that he was hitting on you?  “Maybe I’ll see ya around later?”, he was hitting on you!” Justin mocked.

“So what if he was?” Kerrigan shrugged.  This was something new for her.  She didn’t really think he was hitting on her, she just thought he was being nice.  But if Justin was correct, and he usually was, then this was definitely new for her.

“Well, what are you going to do?” Justin asked.

“About?”

“If he asks you out or something?   How much do you know about the guy?  I think before you agree to go out anywhere with him alone, we need to find out more about him.” Justin said, drifting off in thought.

Kerrigan studied Justin’s face.  He seemed to be thinking hard about something.  It was like he already had her paired up with this guy.  She didn’t know weather to be hurt or encouraged.  “It’s probably nothing Justin, so stop trying to plan out my wedding to him.”

“Plan out your wedding?  You don’t even know the guy!  I don’t think you should even be alone in a room with him, let alone planning out your wedding.”

“Well, what are you going on about then?”

“I’m just saying, he’s obviously into you, Kerr.  He was hitting on you, right IN FRONT of me.” Justin scoffed.

“So?” Kerrigan gave him a confused look.  So what if he was hitting on her in front of Justin.  Why was that such a big deal?

“How the hell does he know we’re not together?  I mean, you could be my girlfriend or something, and he’s just hitting on you like that.”

Kerrigan laughed.  Full on laughed at him.  “You’re girlfriend?  What the hell, J?”

“I’m just saying he doesn’t know.” he shrugged feeling a bit foolish, especially since Kerrigan was laughing at the notion.  He didn’t think it was so preposterous.  I mean sure they were only friends, and he didn’t think of Kerrigan that way, but how was this guy Cody supposed to know that.  They’d been mistaken for a couple many times before.  Why was this guy different?

“I told him we were just friends, J.” Kerrigan said, still snickering at Justin’s comment.

“He asked you that already?”

“Yeah, he asked if we were dating or something, and I told him we were just friends.  That I was one of your personal assistants.” Kerrigan answered, looking back to the papers.

“Did you tell him that we were best friends?  That we’ve known each other since we were kids?”

Kerrigan nodded, not really understanding why that information was important, but she had mentioned it so she had nodded yes to his answer.

“What did he say?” Justin probed.

Kerrigan was about to speak, when Lance’s voice interrupted her.  “Yo, J.  We’re ready to get this sound check back in order.”

“Ok, just a sec.” Justin said waving the guys off and turning his attention back to Kerrigan.  “So what did he say?” he persisted.

“Why’s it important?” Kerrigna eyed him.

“I just wanted to know what he said.”

“He really didn’t say anything, other than it was nice of you to bring me along and give me a job.  Like I said before, Justin.  We were just talking.  Not about anything important, so I really don’t understand what’s up with the interogation.”

“I’m not trying to interogate ya.  I was just curious is all.” he paused in thought, trying to come up with a reason for all of his questions.  “I mean it’s not every day some guy is hitting on our Kerrigan, so I was just curious.  Gotta check it out, ya know?”  he smiled.

Kerrigan looked at Justin in amazement, before getting to her feet.  She looked down at Justin, the hurt in her eyes evident to him, although he wasn’t sure why.  “Kerr, what’s wrong?” he asked.

“Oh, nothing.  I mean I think I’m just in shock.  Like you said, it’s not every day a guy is hitting on me.  I don’t know what to do.  I mean, it’s just absolutely obsurd that a guy might actually find me actractive and hit on me.  God forbid that happen!  I mean I am just one of the guys.” she said and then stormed off, leaving a very confused Justin in her wake.

Chapter 6

Justin watched Kerrigan’s retreating back, totally baffled as to why she was suddenly so pissed off at him.  He looked up at Lance who was still standing on the edge of the stage, and then off to the others in the background that had undoubtedly heard what happened.  Kerrigan’s voice hadn’t been hushed in the least.

“What just happened here?” Justin asked, turning his attention back to Lance for some form of explanation.

“Well, my guess would be that you insulted her, J.” Lance said shaking his head at him.

“Insulted her how?”

Lance stared at Justin for a moment in amazement.  How could he be so oblivious?  “Hello, Justin!  You just sat there and told her in not so many words that you were thrown because some guy was hitting on her.  You made it out like you couldn’t understand why he’d be hitting on her, or that there was something wrong with it.  I’d be insulted too!”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” he shook his head.  “I just meant…” he trailed off, not sure of what he really meant.  His eyes wandered over to JC who was giving him a knowing look, just shaking his head.  Their previous conversation coming back to Justin.

Justin looked over at Trace who was on the other side of the stage.  He wore an amused look on his face, and that only proved to further irritate Justin.  He didn’t find the whole thing funny at all.

Some strange guy was hitting on Kerrigan.  They knew nothing about him.  Then Kerrigan acts as if she hadn’t even noticed that the guy was hitting on her, which worried Justin because it was plainly obvious and if she didn’t notice then, that said something about her experience with men.  Which he knew to be very little, which only concerned him more.  And then he makes a statement, which was taken in a whole other way than what he had meant it, and now Kerrigan was pissed off at him.

This day was just not getting off to a good start.  First the scene at the mall with Kerrigan earlier that day, and now this.  But as he heard the guys calling for him, he realized he didn’t have time to think about it right now.  Or to figure out how he was going to apologize to Kerrigan and explain that wasn’t what he had meant.  Right now he had to get back to work.
 

Kerrigan made her way back to Justin’s dressing room, slamming the door behind her as she entered and then threw herself down on his sofa.  She was fuming.  Utterly pissed off.  Why was it so unbelievable that a guy would actually be hitting on her?  That a guy could be interested in her?  That a guy could see what none of the other six morons she was surrounded by apparently couldn’t?

She was a woman.  She wasn’t a super model, but she wasn’t a dog either.  She had a nice figure.  A pretty face.  Why the hell wouldn’t Cody be attracted to her?

It only pissed her off more that Justin would actually say something like that to her face.  And then say it as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world to top it off.

“I mean it’s not every day some guy is hitting on our Kerrigan, so I was just curious.  Gotta check it out, ya know?”  she mumbled to herself, rubbing her temple.  She was suddenly developing a very bad migraine.

Kerrigan sighed.  Why was it so hard for the guys to see her as anything other than Kerr, their partner in crime.  Kerr, that loved to watch sports with them.  Kerr, that would get into the game and became outraged when her team wasn’t doing as well as she thought they should.  Kerr, their friend that was a girl by all physical means, but a boy through and through in their eyes.  She just couldn’t understand how they could all be so blind.

She had noticed how all the guys had changed over the years.  Granted when she had first met JC, she was young and not really into guys, even though she did have a crush on Justin.  But she appreciated that he was a cute boy.  And then when she had met the other guys a couple years later, she could appreciate that they were all good looking guys.  And they had all developed into very handsome men over the years.  If she could see beyond them just being her buddies and see that they would be an incredible catch for any girl, why couldn’t they see the same thing in her?  Why couldn’t they see that she was now a woman?

This was something that had been bothering Kerrigan for a while now, but she was becoming more and more frustrated with the situation as time passed.  She was tired of being treated like just one of the guys.  She was tired of feeling unappreciated, unattractive, and unnoticed.  Granted she knew they didn’t do it on purpose, but still what would it take to make them open their eyes and see her for what she had become?  Not what she used to be.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Kerrigan yelled, releasing her frustrations.

“Feel better?” came a voice from the doorway, startling her.

Kerrigan looked over to see a smirking Trace standing there with his arms crossed over his chest.  “Not really.  What do you want?” she snapped.

“Hey, no need to get all snappy with me.  I didn’t say it, Justin did.” Trace said, entering the room fully, then shutting the door behind him.

“Trace, now is not the time to be cute.  I’m not in the mood, so if you don’t want to die today, then I would suggest you get out.  And get out now.” she growled.

“I’m not scared of you.” he said moving further into the room, which got him a knowing look in return.  “OK!  I am scared of you, and I do know you can kick my ass.  But right now you’re upset and you need a friend.  And low and behold I happen to be your friend, so here I am.”

“A friend?” Kerrigan asked in disbelief.  “A FRIEND?  HA!  I don’t see any friends around here.” she scoffed.

Traced eyed her warily.  There was more to this than the statement Justin had made.  He wasn’t sure what “this” was, but something told him it had been boiling under the surface for quite some time now.  And he was determined to find out exactly what that problem was, and try to help in whatever way he could.

He was often giving her a hard time, and hounding her about things.  But he had known Kerrigan since they were in diapers, and she was like a sister to him and he cared about her very much.  He would give his life for her, and even take someone else’s life if they harmed her in any way.  Therefore he didn’t like seeing her upset like this.

“Kerrigan, what’s going on?  I know you’re not this upset over what Justin said.” Trace said, taking a seat beside her on the sofa.  He quickly realized though that maybe she was “that” upset over the things Justin has said.

“Why can’t I be this upset over the things Justin said?  Oh wait, I know.  Because it’s SOOOOOOO unbelievable that a guy would actually be interested in me!” she scoffed, rolling her eyes as she stood up.

Trace was unsure how to respond to that.  They’d never had any discussions or arguments for that matter about anything related to this before, so he was completely unprepared on how to handle the current situation.

When Trace didn’t respond, Kerrigan glared at him.  She at least expected him to deny it.  Say something to the effect that it wasn’t true, but instead he just sat there, and that only pissed her off more.

“Men are such jackasses!” she glared at him.

Traced eyed her.  “Kerrigan what is this about?  I mean really, what the hell is wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me?  WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?” she glared, raising her voice.  “What’s wrong with me is that you guys are such assholes.  You act like it’s impossible for any guy to be attracted to me.  Like it’s so unbelievable that Cody could possibly be interested in me.  And I wanna know why?  Why is it SO hard to believe that he could like me?  See me as more than just Justin’s friend, or Justin’s personal assistant?  As more than just ONE of the guys?”

“You like him, huh?”

Ok, that wasn’t exactly the response she was looking for.  “What?” she asked.

“I said you like him.  You do, don’t you?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“A lot actually.  It would explain your sudden behavior.  It would probably explain a lot of things.  You like this guy, huh Kerr?” Trace eyed her, awaiting her response.

“I think he’s good looking.  I don’t know him well enough to say I like him, Trace.  I’ve only talked to him two times now.”

“You like him.” he affirmed with an all knowing nod.

Kerrigan growled.  This had nothing to do with what she had just asked him.  “Quit changing the subject!”

“I’m not changing the subject.  I’m just trying to figure out why the hell you’re so pissed off.”

“I just told you why I’m so pissed off, Trace!  I’m tired of being ignored.  You guys treat me like just one of the guys.  You’re totally oblivious to the fact that I’m a girl, and you act like there’s something wrong with the possibility of Cody liking me!”

“There’s nothing wrong with him liking you, Kerr.  You’re a beautiful girl.  Why wouldn’t he like you?” Trace said honestly.

Kerrigan froze in her spot.  Had Trace just acknowledged that she was actually a girl?  And a beautiful one at that?  “What did you just say?”

“I said why wouldn’t he like you?” he gave her a odd look.

“You said I was a girl.” Kerrigan pointed out.

“Well, duh.  You are a girl, Kerr.” he chuckled.  “You of all people should know that.”

“But you never refer to me as a girl.  Especially, a beautiful girl.  You’re always referring to me as one of the guys.” she said, setting down once again on the sofa.

“Well, if I remember correctly you requested that we do that many years ago.  And I learned my lesson after several slugs to the stomach not to tease you about being a girl a short while after that.”

“I’m not asking that you tease me, Trace.  Just acknowledge it.” she sighed, looking down at the floor.

Trace watched her from his spot on the sofa.  He wasn’t sure where all of this was coming from.  Kerrigan being so upset because they referred to her as one of the guys.  She never seemed to have a problem with it before.  However, he supposed that maybe since she was now taking interest in this guy that maybe that had been the cause of her sudden change of mind, and her insistence that she be treated as a girl.

“Is that what’s been bothering you lately?  I know something has been.  We’ve all noticed that you haven’t been yourself lately.” he asked, Kerrigan still watching the floor as if it was a really interesting thing to look at.

“Kinda.” she hesitated, not sure if she really wanted to tell Trace what had been bothering her lately.  He might find a way later to throw it in her face and tease her with it.

“Kerr, I’m you’re friend first and foremost above everything else.  You know if something’s bothering you that you can come to me and talk to me about.  Or Justin for that matter.  We’re both always here, and you know that.  And to be honest, lately both of us have been a little worried about you.”

“Worried about me?” she asked, finally looking over at him.

Trace smiled at her.  “Yes, worried about you.  I mean you just haven’t been yourself lately.  Usually on tour you’re so excited and pumped up, just like all of us.  But so far on this one you’ve been keeping to yourself a lot.  I mean at first I thought you was just PMS’ing or something…” he smirked at her and Kerrigan rolled her eyes.  “But over the last couple of days I figured out that your PMS spurts never last this long.”

“You would somehow tie this into PMS or something.” she shook her head.

“Hey, just another fact that I have realized before this conversation that you’re a girl.”

“Whatever.” Kerrigan rolled her eyes again.

Trace smiled.  “So do you feel better now, or is there anything else that’s bothering you?”

Kerrigan sighed.  “I feel like such a whiney baby.”

“We all get that way sometimes, Kerr.  Maybe next time you should come to one of us and talk about it and not let it build up and fester so bad.”

“Trace, everyone’s been so busy with their own thing lately.  The tour is naturally a busy time.  And to top that off, Justin’s going through his own shit right now with the whole Brit breakup.  And you’ve been busy trying to distract him.  And I don’t feel comfortable talking to the other guys about this sorta stuff.  Hell, I don’t really feel comfortable talking to you or Justin about this stuff, so the others are definitely out.”

“I feel loved.” Trace said sarcastically.

“Shut up.” Kerrigan slugged him in his arm gently.

Trace laughed.  “OK, so we feel better now?  No more hissy fits?”

“I did not throw a hissy fit!” Kerrigan argued.

“That was most certainly a hissy fit.  A total girl thing to do!” he smirked.

“Ok, lets get something straight.  I may be a girl, and yes I want to be acknowledged as so, but I’m not THAT kind of girl.  I do not throw hissy fits.”

“Whatever you say, Kerr.”

Kerrigan sighed and rolled her eyes.  “You’re gonna go back and tell all the guys about this conversation aren’t you.  I’m gonna be the laughing stock of the tour by the end of the day, aren’t I?”

Trace met her eyes, and Kerrigan saw nothing but sincerity there.  “I’m not going to say anything.  This is between you and me.  This was obviously very personal to you, Kerr.  I know you wouldn’t have been that upset if it wasn’t.  And I wouldn’t be a true friend if I went back to the guys and started telling them all about your little breakdown and confession.  And even though I don’t always act like a good friend, I think you know in your heart of hearts that I am.”

Kerrigan smiled at him.  “I knew there was a reason I kept you around all these years.”

“You kept me around?  HA!  I think it’s the other way around, hun.” he smirked.

“Excuse me Trace, but your ass wouldn’t even be here right now if it hadn’t been for me all those times on the playground when Kyle Bartley threatened to beat you into a bloody pulp.”

“My point exactly.  I kept you around for protection.  See, I’m not as stupid as everyone thinks I am.”

Chapter 7

( 1 week later - Denver, Colorado )

Over the last week things seemed to be a little better in the Nsync camp.  Not that a lot had changed, but for some reason Kerrigan just felt a little more confident knowing that at least once of the guys had recognized that she was no longer just one of the guys.  And it had been Trace to top it off.  He seemed to be the most dense of all of them, so if he had noticed, the Kerrigan felt confident in the fact that the others had probably noticed as well.

At first she had been a little leery right after their conversation.  She did trust Trace, but still she was afraid that he would have went back to the guys and said something about their conversation.  When she had shown her face around the guys later that evening before the show to apologize for her outburst she was expecting some kind of quick comebacks from them.  Or smart comments about what she had talked about with Trace.  But that didn’t happen.

Kerrigan did however end up having a long conversation with Justin that night after the concert.  They had sat up on the bus for a couple hours just talking.  She had told him she’d just been feeling neglected lately and pushed aside.  She hadn’t really gone into the details she had with Trace, and told Justin that she was upset because they weren’t treating her like a girl.  For some reason she just couldn’t bring herself to say those words to him.

But all in all Kerrigan was feeling much better after she had talked to him.  So she hadn’t told him what had really been bothering her, although she suspected Trace had mentioned something of the sort to him, or so it seemed.  It was either that or Justin had suddenly become able to read minds all of the sudden.

Over the last week he had paid more attention to her and it seemed as if he was being especially careful of how he referred to her.  That was the big clue right there that Trace had said something to him.  He hadn’t been flattering her with compliments or anything of that sort, but just mostly making sure not to refer to her as one of the guys.  It was now all of the sudden six guys and a girl.  He seemed to be using the word “girl” a lot when in reference to her.  But Kerrigan didn’t mind.  At least it was an improvement.

Another topic that seemed to come up a lot over the last week was that of Cody.  It seemed that all of the guys were keeping a watchful eye on the guy or something because suddenly his name was coming up in a lot of their conversations.  They had seen him doing this.  Or they had seen him doing that.  So and so had talked to him and he seemed like a cool guy.

Then there was the topic of Kerrigan talking to Cody.  She had run into him a couple other times that week, at the other two stops.  It was nothing major, they had only talked briefly both times, but it seemed that every time she happened to run into him, one of the other guys had been around where they could see.  And then it was suddenly brought up when they were all together.  Wanting to know what he had said.  What they had talked about.

Again Kerrigan didn’t mind.  Usually that kind of attention and questioning would annoy her to no end, but she was finding all of the sudden attention somewhat comforting.  She supposed that was rather twisted, but at this point she really didn’t care.  The guys were paying attention to her.  Yeah, maybe it was more in a brotherly way, looking out for her.  But it was the way they were looking out for her.  They realized she was a girl, and this strange guy was a possible threat to her. Twisted or not, it made her feel special and loved.  It made her feel important.  Which was something she wasn’t really feeling before.

But today was a new day and they were now in Colorado.  They arrived early that morning and the guys show wasn’t until the following night.  Which meant that they actually had a full day off, free to do whatever they wanted.

It was now about mid morning and Kerrigan had finally pulled herself out of bed and showered. When they had gotten in that morning and she had been woken up by Justin to go inside the hotel the only intentions she had was of going back to bed.  And that she had done.  But now it was around noon and she was up and ready to go.  Ready for whatever the guys had planned for the day.

Only problem was she couldn’t find any of them.  She had been to all of their rooms, but they weren’t there.  Now she was on her way to the hotel restaurant.  It’s the only other place she could think of where she would possibly find them.

Kerrigan stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the main floor.  She was chewing on her lip, lost in thought when the elevator came to a stop at the next floor on it’s way down.  The doors opened and there stood Cody and a few other guys from the crew that Kerrigan recognized right away.

“Going down?” she smiled at them.

“We’re going wherever you are, darlin.” one of the older guys said, giving her a smile as they stepped into the elevator.

“Then you’re going down.” she smiled back.  She knew him as Frank.  He was a nice man.  Kerrigan had talked to him a few times about his daughters and wife back home.  He was always calling her darlin, but Kerrigan didn’t mind.  He kind of reminded her of her father in a way.

“So where ya headed?” Cody asked, taking the spot next to her in the now crowded elevator.

“Heading down to the restaurant in search of the guys.  It’s our first real day off without them having to do any promotions or anything.  We’re all supposed to being doing something, but they weren’t in their rooms.” she shrugged.  “And you?”

“Well, we’re headed down there too, to get some lunch.  Then me and some of the other guys are heading over to Six Flags.  We plan to enjoy our day off with some recreational fun.” he smiled at her.

Kerrigan’s face lit up.  Six Flags sounded like a lot of fun to her.  She hadn’t been to any place like that in a long time.  Maybe the guys would be up for going there as well.  “That sounds like fun.” she smiled.

“Well, you’re welcome to come with.” Cody offered.

“I’d love to, but I already agreed to spend today with the guys.  Not sure what we’re doing yet, but Six Flags sounds good.  I’ll see if they wanna go.”

“Hey, the more the merrier.” Cody grinned, although he was disappointed.  His offer really hadn’t been extended to all the guys.  He didn’t really care if they went or not, the only person he was concerned about going was Kerrigan.

The elevator came to a stop at the lobby level and they all exited, and made their way towards the restaurant that had been closed off for Nsync band and crew members.  Cody opened the door to the restaurant and allowed Kerrigan to walk in first.

She looked around the fairly vacant room, not one member of Nsync anywhere in site.  “Damn it, where are they?” she asked aloud.

Cody smirked.  “Maybe you could ask someone on their security detail.  They could probably clue you in.” And then he followed the other guys on into the room, so they could get something to eat.  But not before quickly turning to tell her.  “If you change your mind, we should be here for another half hour or so.”  And then he disappeared into his group of friends.

Kerrigan stood there for a moment.  Cody had a point, why didn’t she think to ask one of the security guys left upstairs.  They would know where the guys were.  It was their job after all.

Taking one more glance around, Kerrigan quickly exited the restaurant and made her way back up to their floor.  She found the first security member she could and asked him where the guys were.  Kerrigan was very perturbed to find that they had already went out for the day.  Something about going out for breakfast and then to the mall.

She couldn’t believe that they hadn’t waited on her.  That they had left without her.  They always spent their days off together.  At least her, Justin and Trace did anyways.  So much for the progress she thought she had made over the last week.

Discouraged Kerrigan headed back to her room, where she plopped down on her bed in thought.  She didn’t want to spend the day at the hotel alone.  And knowing Justin and Chris they’d be at the mall for hours.  And who knew what they had planned for after that.  She was going to strangle them for going off and leaving her at the hotel all alone.

Then Cody’s offer popped back in her head.  She could go with him and the guys to Six Flags.  She had plenty of her own money.  Sure she would much rather have gone with Justin and Trace, but at least this way she would be getting the hell out of the hotel and having some fun.

Grabbing her money and ID off the dresser, she quickly stuffed it in her back pocket with her room key and headed out into the hall.  As she was on her way to the elevator she stopped thinking maybe she should at least be courteous enough to leave a message for the guys letting them know where she was going to be in case they wanted to make an appearance.

Kerrigan told Rob, the security guy on duty in the hall that if any of the guys asked, she went to Six Flags with a few of the crew members and she’d be back later.  Rob told her he’d let them know and then Kerrigan proceeded on down to the lobby.

As she was getting off the elevator she noticed Cody and a few other guys heading out the front doors of the hotel.  Running to catch up with them, Kerrigan called out.  “Hey Cody.  Wait up!”

Cody stopped mid-step and turned to see Kerrigan rushing towards him.  When she finally reached him and stopped to catch her breath he smiled.  “Change your mind?”

“The jerks went off without me.  I don’t wanna sit here all day, so if the offer still stands can I come with you guys?”

“Sure you can.  We were just leaving.  Let’s go.” he held the door open for her with a smile.

Kerrigan smiled appreciatively at him and followed the other guys out.  They all loaded up into a van and were on their way.
 

( 1 hour later )

“You think she’s got her lazy ass out of bed yet?” Trace asked as he, Justin and Chris stepped onto the elevator to take them up to their floor.

“All I know is she better be up.  It’s one in the afternoon.” Justin said watching the numbers, as they changed during their climb to their floor.

“You must be working her to hard, Justin.  All the girl does is sleep.” Chris joked.

“Work her too hard?  She doesn’t do anything.” Justin scoffed.

“In Kerrigan’s defense I must say she does more than me.” Trace offered feebly.

“Everyone does more than you.” Chris pointed out.

“I take offense to that!” Trace scowled as they stepped off the elevator when the doors opened on their floor.

“It’s the truth, though.” Justin chuckled.

“True.” Trace shrugged and all three of the guys laughed as they walked to Kerrigan’s room.

Justin raised his fist to knock, but before he had actually made contact he heard Rob’s voice.  “Kerrigan’s not in her room.”

“Well, at least we know she’s up.“ Chris stated, and then the three of them turned their attention to Rob, as he walked towards them.

“Where’s she at?” Justin asked when Rob finally reached them.

“She said to that if anyone asked, she went to Six Flags with some of the crew members and that she’d be back later.” Rob explained.

“Kerrigan, went to Six Flags?” Trace questioned.  “Without us?”

Justin ignored Trace and eyed Rob.  “Who’d she go with?”

“No clue man.  All I know is she said she was going with some crew members.  She didn’t say who.” Rob shrugged.

“Well, ain’t that a bitch.” Chris stated.  “I woulda liked to have gone to Six Flags.  I didn’t even know there was one around here.”

Justin ignored Chris this time, too caught up in his own thoughts.  He was actually kind of angry. They always spent their days off together doing something.  Even if it was just hanging out in their hotel room.  But Justin actually had plans for this day off.

After everything that had happened over the last week and before that, he wanted to spend his first full day off with Kerrigan and the guys.  They were all going to go to the movies, and then maybe out to a club that night.  It really all depended on what Kerrigan wanted to do.  He had planned on making the day about her.  But where was Kerrigan?  Off at Six Flags with some crew members.  And Justin knew exactly who one of those crew members was.

“Well, there goes my plans for today.  I can’t believe she just took off with him and ditched us.” Justin vented aloud.

Chris eyed him.  “We didn’t really have plans Justin.  The only thing we had planned was to catch a movie.  Hell, I’d rather go to Six Flags than the movies any day.”

“That’s not the point.  We always spend our days off together.  And she took off with HIM.”

“Him?” Trace questioned.

“That guy Cody, who else?” Justin glared at him.

“Well, at least she’s off having fun.  Try to look at it that way.” Chris suggested.

“Well, at least one of us is having a good time.” Justin grumbled before heading off down the hall to his room.

Chris and Trace turned and looked at each other.  Chris smiled.  “Guess now he knows how it feels to be ditched.”
 

( Later that afternoon )

“Man, I had so much fun today.” Kerrigan smiled as she and the guys exited the park.

“I had a lot of fun too.  I can’t believe you won all that stuff playing those basketball net games.” Cody smiled, shaking his head.

“Well, I grew up with Justin.  I gotta be good a basketball.” she shrugged.

“Where too now?” one of the crew guys, known as Jeremy asked from the drivers seat once they were all loaded up in the van.

Another one of the guys that had been introduced as Greg spoke up.  “We passed a tattoo shop on our way over here today.  Mind if we stop there on our way back?  I’ve been wanting to get this tat touched up for a while, but just haven’t had the time.”

Everyone agreed that would be fine, and so they headed that way.

A short while later, Kerrigan was looking around the inside of the tattoo shop at all the drawings on the walls.  It crossed her mind a couple times before to get a tattoo when Justin and the guys had been getting theirs, but she had never actually gone through with it.  It wasn’t that she was scared to get it done.  She just couldn’t decide what she wanted to get.

Scanning across some other drawings, Kerrigan’s eyes landed on a display case on the wall.  It was holding a bunch of different types of body jewelry.  Gages for tongues and eyebrows.  Gages for navels.  Nose studs.

Then a small smile crept across Kerrigan’s face.  She had been thinking of getting her navel pierced for a while now, but she had never been anywhere to get it done.  Now here she was standing in a tattoo shop, which also did body piercing.  Now seemed like as good a time as ever, if she was actually going to go through with it.

Kerrigan turned around to go find one of the guys that working in the shop, but halted when she nearly collided with Cody who was standing right behind her.  “Damn, you scared me.” she said, holding her hand over her heart.

“Sorry, I was just wondering what you was so engrossed in.” he shrugged.

“I was just looking at the body jewelry.  I think I’m gonna get my navel pierced.  I’ve been wanting to for a while now but just never got around to it.”

Cody smiled.  “I think that would be cute.”

Kerrigan blushed slightly at his words, and her mind was made up.  Cute?  He thought it would be cute?  Well, she was definitely doing it then.  Anything that would assist her in being cute, she would do at this point.

“Ok, well I’m just gonna go talk to this guy.” she smiled, excusing herself from Cody.

Cody watched her walk away, his eyes drifting down over her rear.  “She’s got a nice ass.” he thought.  He shook his head and chuckled a bit.  “Hell, she’s got a nice everything.” he said silently to himself.

Chapter 8

( Back at the hotel - around 11:30PM )

“Girl you’re crazy!” Jeremy laughed as they entered the hotel lobby.

“I’m not crazy!  I’m just….” Kerrigan paused in a hazy thought.  “drunk?” she finally asked, when nothing else came to mind.  And all the guys laughed.

After leaving the tattoo shop, they had stopped off at a local bar and grill to get something to eat.  After their long day at the park and then the few hours they spent at the tattoo shop while Greg was getting his tattoo touched up and Kerrigan getting her navel pierced, they were all quite hungry.

The guys had all ordered beers and a few shots at the restaurant, and not wanting to leave Kerrigan out, even though he knew she wasn’t twenty one yet.  Cody had slipped her a few drinks as well.  Apparently he had slipped her a few too many because the girl was trashed.  She couldn’t even walk on her own without his assistance.

Standing off to the side of the lobby talking to a couple of the hotel’s female staff members, were Chris and Trace.  They had gotten bored upstairs, and had been wandering around the hotel in search of something to do when they had spotted a couple cute hotel clerks in the lobby.  Of course they had to stop and say hello.

But then they heard all the ruckus coming from the entrance and turned to see what was going on.  Nothing prepared them for the site of an obviously inebriated Kerrigan, virtually being carried through the lobby.  While pulling her shirt up to nearly everyone that she came in contact with.

Immediately concerned with what the hell was going on, both Chris and Trace abruptly left the girls they had been speaking to without a word and rushed over to where Kerrigan and the guys were waiting for the elevators.

“Kerrigan?” Trace said as they approached.

Kerrigan looked up and seen Chris and Trace approaching.  She broke free from Cody’s hold and stumbled over to them.  “CHRIS!  TRACE!” she called, a lot louder than necessary.  “LOOK!” she told them, as she pulled up her shirt.

Trace quickly grabbed her hands and pulled her shirt back down to it’s appropriate position.  “What are you doing, Kerr?  Trying to flash us?” he asked, baffled.  He’d never seen her like this before.

“No, you dumbass.  LOOK!” she said, again pulling up her shirt and then pointing out her navel.  “I got it pierced!” she smiled, proudly.

Chris and Trace shared a concerned look.  What the hell had gotten into her?  “How much have you had to drink?” Chris questioned.

“Drink?” Kerrigan gave him a lost look.  “I haven’t had anything to drink.” she said and then turned to the group of guys she had just been with.  “Have I?” she asked them.

Each of the guys nodded somewhat guiltily.  They could all tell by the looks on Trace and Chris’ face that they weren’t too pleased to find their friend in her condition.  In fact Trace looked pretty pissed off, if they were judging the glare he was giving them correctly.

“What did you guys give her?” Trace asked, glaring at the men.

Cody stepped forward from the group.  “She had a couple beers and a shot or two of whisky.”

“You do know she’s not twenty one?” Chris asked.

“Yeah, I know.  But we were all drinking and she said she wanted a beer, so I got her one.” he shrugged.  “She said she’d be twenty one in like a month, so I didn’t think it was a big deal.”

Chris shook his head in disappointment.  So far he’d thought that Cody was a pretty decent guy.  But from this show of events, he was quickly changing his mind about the man.  “You shouldn’t have given her anything.” he said and then turned his attention back to Trace.  “How are we gonna get her past Justin?  He’ll flip if he sees her like this.”

“Well, they were all in Joey’s room when we left.  Maybe we’ll luck out and they’ll still be in there and we can get her to her room without him seeing.” Trace shrugged.

“I can’t believe this shit.” Chris grumbled, looking at Kerrigan.  She was completely off in her own world.  Totally oblivious to anything Chris and Trace were talking about.  “Ok, let’s get you to bed.” he finally said, motioning her to move towards the elevator when the door opened.

“I was gonna make sure she got to her room ok.” Cody spoke up, as Trace and Chris stepped inside with Kerrigan.  None of the other guys made a move for that particular elevator.  It was more than obvious they weren’t welcome to join them.

“Well, it’s nice to know you were thinking ahead.” Trace growled as the doors closed.  He then turned his attention to Chris.  “I can’t believe he got her drunk.”

Chris only sighed and shook his head.  He wasn’t sure what to think.

Kerrigan looked at the two.  “I like Cody.  He’s a fun guy.  And REALLY hot!” she smiled.

“Oh, jeez!” Trace groaned.  This is not what he needed to hear at the moment.

But before Kerrigan could go on any further the elevator doors opened to their floor.  Chris stuck his head out to check the hall and it was clear, with the exception of their security staff.  He looked back and nodded at Trace that it was ok to go and they both took one of Kerrigan’s arms to lead her off the elevator and down the hall.

When they finally made their way to her door, they stopped and Trace turned his attention to Kerrigan.  “Where’s your room key, Kerr?”

“Um….my back pocket?” she shrugged, unsure.

“Get it out.” he told her.

“You get it out.” she shot back.

“I’m not sticking my hand in your pocket.  You get the damn key out.” Trace argued with her.

“I can’t.  You do it.” she replied lazily.

Chris chuckled lightly at the two.  He knew he shouldn’t be laughing, but he couldn’t help himself.  It was funny.

“It’s not funny, Chris.” Trace growled when he finally relented and stuck his hand in Kerrigan’s back pocket, only to find it empty.

“The other one.” Kerrigan instructed.

“Why didn’t you say that in the first place?” Trace glared at her.

Kerrigan shrugged then smirked at him flirtatiously.  “I know you’ve always wanted to touch my ass, so I gave you your chance.”

At that Chris out right laughed.  Never had he heard anything like that come out of Kerrigan’s mouth.  And by the look on Trace’s face he hadn’t either.  Well, that or he had just been totally busted by Kerrigan.

“SHUT UP, CHRIS!” Trace yelled at him, when Chris’ laughing only increased.

“I can’t.  You shoulda….shoulda seen your face!” he stuttered in response.

And with that Kerrigan started laughing as well.  She wasn’t really sure what she was laughing at, but Chris was laughing, and whatever he was laughing at seemed to be funny.  And just watching Chris laugh at the moment was funny to her, so she laughed too.

“Ugh” Trace groaned at the two laughing hyenas at his side.  “Would you two shut up?”

Chris was about to reply, when suddenly they heard Justin’s voice.  “What’s going on down there?” Both Chris and Trace froze.  Chris no longer laughing, although Kerrigan hadn’t stopped.

“Shit!” Trace mumbled under his breath.

“Kerrigan, is that you?” Justin asked, hearing her laughter.

Both Chris and Trace were trying to hide her behind them, but considering that they were both short and Kerrigan was pretty tall for a girl, it was pretty much useless.  Especially, with her laughing the way she was.  You couldn’t hide something as loud as she was.

Kerrigan’s laughter died off and she looked to Justin as he made his way down the hall.  “J!” she yelled, breaking free from both Chris and Trace, stumbling off.

“Shit, shit, shit!” Trace cursed under his breath.  They were SO busted.

Chris and Trace turned around, watching Kerrigan stumble her way towards Justin, who was heading their way.  Joey, JC and Lance following closely behind him.

“LOOK!” Kerrigan said loudly pulling up her shirt.

Justin’s eyes nearly bulged out of his head, and he quickly closed the distance between him and Kerrigan.  Grabbing her shirt and pulling it down.  “What the hell is wrong with you?  What are you doing?” he asked her.  He couldn’t believe she had just pulled her shirt up in front of him.  And not only him, but all the other guys in the hall as well.

“Look!” Kerrigan said, again pulling her shirt up and pointing to her stomach.

Justin wasn’t really looking at her stomach.  He was trying to keep his eyes focused elsewhere to prevent from seeing her bra again, but when he noticed her pointing to her navel, something shiny caught his eye.  “What the hell did you do?” he cried out, her exposed bra forgotten.  His eyes were now locked on her navel and the hoop that was clearly pierced through it.

“I got it pierced.” she nodded her head, smiling proudly.

Joey, Lance and JC joined Justin’s side and inspected her stomach.  “That you did.” JC stated.

Justin looked up at Kerrigan’s face and suddenly realized, and he wasn’t sure how he had missed it before, but the girl was drunk off her ass.  And then he remembered her shirt was still pulled up, and the other guys were just standing there gawking at her.

He quickly pulled her shirt back down and stared at her.  “Kerrigan, you’re drunk!” he stated.  And his statement was met with a blank stare in return.  “You’re beyond drunk.” he added.

Kerrigan smiled at him.  “I had fun today, J.  You shoulda come.” she slurred.

Justin shook his head in disbelief.  The anger growing inside of him.  He knew something like this was going to happen.  Well, maybe not this exactly but something had told him not to trust that guy Cody, and this was all the proof he needed.

The guy had taken Kerrigan out.  Got her drunk.  And somehow talked her into getting her navel pierced, and God only knows what else.  He just could not believe this.  He was going to kill the him.

Chris noticed Justin clenching his free fist together.  He could tell from that simple action that Justin was beyond pissed, and he could only imagine the things that were rolling through his mind at that moment.  This was not good.  Not good at all.

“Where is he?” Justin asked in a low growl.

“Who?” Chris asked innocently, knowing exactly who Justin was talking about.

“Dammit, you know who!  Cody!  Where the hell is he?” Justin demanded.

“Probably in his room, J.  They were all waiting for the elevators when we seen them.” Chris relented.

“He was going to take her to his room?” Justin growled, growing even more pissed.

“NO!  He said he was going to make sure she got back to her room ok.  I don’t think he’s that stupid.” Chris explained, but Justin didn’t respond.

Instead he started to move away from Kerrigan to head for the elevators.  His mission was clear to everyone there but Kerrigan.  Again she was off in her own little world, totally oblivious to the others surrounding her.

Joey quickly grabbed Justin by the arm.  “J.” he said.

“Let me go, Joe.” Justin growled in return.

“Justin, calm down.  You can’t go down there and start a fight with the guy.  So he gave her a few drinks.  He brought her back to the hotel safe and sound.” Lance tried to reason with him.

“She’s not even twenty one!” Justin defended.

“That hasn’t stopped you in the past from giving her drinks.  Or any of us for that matter.” JC pointed out.

“I’ve never gotten her sloppy drunk before.”

“Yes you have.  Even Chris got her drunk one night.  You didn’t have a fit about that.” Lance continued.

“That’s different!” he objected.

“How’s it different?” Lance asked.

“Because I trust Chris.  I know Chris wouldn’t get her drunk and try to take advantage of her.  I don’t know shit about this guy!  All I know is he took her out, and then he brings her back drunk and pierced.  God only knows what else could have happened.  Or did happen for that matter!”

“J, I’m upset with this guy too.  I think we all are, but going down there and starting a fight isn’t going to solve anything.  Right now you need to look out for Kerrigan, and while I know that beating the snot out of the guy is one of your ideas of doing just that, she needs you more right now.” JC said.

Justin looked over at Kerrigan.  She was watching the guys, but not saying anything.  It was evident by the blank expression on her face that she had no clue what was going.  And just seeing her like that pulled at his heart strings.

She was vulnerable.  Truly vulnerable.  Justin had never seen Kerrigan vulnerable like this.  He’d never seen her drunk like this before.  And that angered him even more so, but at the same time just seeing her like that also calmed him.  He would deal with Cody later.  JC was right.  Right now Kerrigan needed him more.

He sighed and looked at the guys.  “Fine, I won't go down their tonight.  Right now I’m gonna take Kerrigan to her room, and put her to bed.  But I’m warning you right now.  When I see that guy, you better fucking hold me back, because I cannot be held responsible for what I’ll do to him if you don’t.”

All the guys nodded in understanding, and Justin took Kerrigan by her arm.  “Come on, Kerr.  Let’s get you to your room.” he told her.

At his words Kerrigan seemed to perk up.  The blank expression on her face suddenly gone.  She smiled at Justin.  “Do you wanna touch my ass too?” she asked him.

Justin froze.  “What?” he looked at her in shock.

“Well, Trace was touching my ass a little bit ago.  I was just going to tell you that he already got the key out of my pocket so you can’t touch my ass.  You’ll have to wait till next time.” she smiled.

Justin didn’t know weather to laugh or scream.  Instead he looked back at Trace who only shrugged as Chris chuckled, and then turned his attention back to Kerrigan.  “There’s not gonna be a next time, Kerr.  Not if I have anything to do with it.” he said, and then lead her down the hall to her room.

Chapter 9

Justin’s eyes slowly opened at the sound of someone knocking on the door.  He sighed and sat up in the bed looking around.  For a moment he was confused as to why he was in Kerrigan’s room.  Sleeping next to her in her bed.  But then the night before came rushing back to him.

She had came back to the hotel drunk off her ass, after being out with Cody and some of his friends.  He remembered how he wanted to go and kill the guy right away, but after being persuaded by the other guys that killing him wasn’t a good idea, he had retired to Kerrigan’s room with her to look after her and make sure that she was going to be ok.

He ended up being up half the night with her while she was her heaving her guts out.  But then she had finally passed out and he had finally been able to get some sleep.  And now someone was knocking on her door.

Justin looked over at the clock to see what time it was.  6:08AM.  He hadn’t even been to sleep that long.  It was going to be a long day, he decided as he climbed out of the bed on the third knock.  He hadn’t had nearly enough sleep and they had a show to do that night.

Staggering to the door, Justin scratched the back of his head with one hand, while the other fiddled with the lock on the door, and then pulled it open.  And when his eyes landed on the man that was on the other side, Justin was near exploding.  “Can I help you?” he asked with every bit of anger he held inside showing through in his words.  And the glare he was giving helped too.

Cody had been expecting a disheveled, most definitely hung over Kerrigan to answer to the door, and so he had been sporting a smile on his face.  Until of course he looked up and seen Justin standing there instead of Kerrigan.  Suddenly Cody’s facial expression changed from a smile to confusion.  “Am I at the right room?” he asked.

Justin’s glare on him strengthened.  “Depends on who you’re looking for.”

“No offense man, but I’m definitely not looking for you.  I’m looking for Kerrigan.  I could of sworn she told me last night she was in room 1820.”

“She is.” Justin stated.  It was everything he could do to prevent from reaching out and grabbing Cody by his neck.  The fury that was building inside of him as he attempted to fight it was unbelievable.

Cody looked at the numbers on the door and then back to Justin, who was standing in between the partially open door and door jam.  In his boxers no less.  “Do you two room together often?” Cody asked in a tone that stated clearly that he wasn’t happy to find Justin in Kerrigan’s room.

Justin raised an eyebrow at Cody.  He looked down at himself and realized he was in only his boxers and then looked back up at the expression on Cody’s face.  He was clearly jealous and Justin could be a real prick and make it out to be something it wasn’t, but he wouldn’t do that to Kerrigan.  She wasn’t just some girl, she was his Kerr and it was the guys fault in front of him that he was standing in her doorway at this time of the morning in the first place.

“First let me say this.  I crashed here last night because I was taking care of a VERY drunk friend.  A very drunken friend that isn’t even twenty one and certain people had no right to give her anything to drink in the first place!  And second everything about me and Kerrigan’s relationship is private, between us and close friends in which case you’re not, so it’s none of your business.”

Cody eyed Justin.  He could tell the guy was really pissed off.  He was surprised he was still standing in the doorway, because from the look in his eyes, it was clear he wanted to murder him.  But yet he stood in the doorway, refusing to move.  As if he was protecting Kerrigan from him.  “Well, I’m not here to argue with you man.  Kerrigan’s nearly twenty one, so I say she has the right to decide if she wants to drink or not.  But like I said I’m not here to argue.  I’m here to drop off her things before I head over to the venue.  When Chris and that other guy took Kerrigan last night, they didn’t take her stuff.  She got this at the park yesterday.” he said, holding out a large bag.

Justin looked down at the bag, and quickly snatched it from Cody’s grasp.  “I’ll make sure she gets it.”

“Thanks.” Cody said as he started to step away, then he stopped and turned to look at Justin.  “Just so you know I understand the whole protective vibe you’re giving me.  But I want you to know that I really like Kerrigan, and I’m pretty sure she likes me too.”

“So?” Justin gave him a bored look when he didn’t elaborate further.

“So…you’ll be seeing more of me around.  Weather you like it or not.” Cody shrugged, and then turned his back to Justin and walked down the hall to the elevator.

Justin stood there in disbelief.  He couldn’t believe the guy had the balls to say that to him.  A million things he could say back to Cody were running through his head.  Namely how he wasn’t about to let the low life prick anywhere near Kerrigan, but he was too stunned to utter one word.

Justin looked over to one of the body guards that was standing in the hall a few feet away, and had obviously over heard the conversation.  “Do you believe that guy?” Justin asked him incredulously.

The bodyguard merely shook his head in pity.  This Cody guy didn’t know who he was going up against, challenging Justin that way.  “The guys got balls, J.  But he’s obviously not a smart one.”

“Thank You!” Justin said, and then retreated back into the room.

His eyes scanned over to the bed where Kerrigan was still passed out cold.  His heart went out to her.  He’d had nights like that before and they were never fun.  But as far as he knew Kerrigan had never been that drunk before.  At least not that he could remember hearing about.

Since Justin knew he’d have to be getting up shortly anyways, he didn’t bother trying to go back to sleep.  He also decided he wasn’t going to bother waking Kerrigan up either, he knew she would need her sleep.

Instead he took a seat in one of the chairs, deciding to watch some TV and see what was on.  Which there wasn’t at that hour of the morning.  The only thing he could find was the News.

Sitting there, completely uninterested in what they were talking about, Justin began just looking around the room.  He somewhat chuckled to himself at how different he and Kerrigan were.  He was a complete slob.  His room looked like a tornado had been through it, but Kerrigan’s was as neat as could be.

Any clothing she had out, was neatly folded and placed on top of her suitcase.  And if it weren’t for her suitcase you wouldn’t even be able to tell anyone was staying in the room.  She didn’t have anything laying around the room at all.  That was the total opposite of Justin’s room.

That’s when Justin’s eyes came across the bag that Cody had dropped off.  He had laid it down on the table just inside the door, after coming back into the room.  Having nothing else to do, Justin got up from the chair and made his way over to the table.

He picked up the stuffed bag and carried it back over to the chair he’d been sitting in and began to take it’s contents out.  He knew Kerrigan wouldn’t care.  And he was kind of curious as to what all she had in the bag, considering it was completely full.

He pulled out a couple small stuffed animals which he assumed she had won at the game stands.  Justin smiled to himself remembering how Kerrigan had always been so good at all the games.  She could clean a vendor out if she really wanted to.

He then pulled out some small souvenirs with the Six Flags logo on them.  There was a couple different key chains, one of those miniature spoon souvenir things you always seen at those types of places, and then a couple other small trinkets.

Justin then came across a small bag inside of the large bag and pulled it out.  Pulling out the contents he found several different pictures.  Pictures from the different rides.  There was one of her on what he knew to be a roller coaster, her face full of excitement as they descended the hill.  Going through the pictures it appeared she had road all of the roller coasters and had collected the pictures from every one.  But that didn’t surprise Justin in the least.  Kerrigan had always been sentimental like that.  She had pictures of everything.

Then he came across some other pictures he assumed were from one of those places that almost all parks had, where you could have the old time photographs taken.  The first one was of Cody and one of the other crew members.  He was pretty sure the guys name was Jeremy.  Justin couldn’t help but chuckle at the way they were dressed.  They were wearing funny clothing and obviously had some sort of wigs on because their hair was much longer than it normally was.  Justin assumed they were supposed to be pirates or something of the sort based on the way Jeremy was dressed and the swords and things they were holding.

Flipping to the next picture Justin could only stare.  It was a picture of Cody, Kerrigan, and Jeremy.  The guys were wearing the same clothing, but Kerrigan was wearing a beautiful white gown.  It was one of those dresses that women always wore in those old movies.  Her long brown hair was piled on top of her head in a classic fashion, with wispy spiral tendrils framing her face.  Holding a hand held lace fan in front of her.

Justin couldn’t believe that was Kerrigan in the picture.  She looked like a full fledge woman.  Like a true classic lady.  He’d seen her in dresses, although he couldn’t remember when the last time was, but this was different.  Her hair was done, and she even looked to be wearing a bit of makeup.  Although it was kind of hard to tell for sure because the picture wasn’t in full color.  It had been given the aged look and was almost black and white.

Justin quickly flipped to the next picture and the smile fell from his face, his heart rising into his throat.  A little bit of anger welling inside of him.  This picture consisted of Cody holding Kerrigan in his arms in front of him, her back to his chest.  Her arms holding on to his, their faces next to each other, as Jeremy leaned his back to Cody‘s.  Justin didn’t like this picture at all.  The thought of Cody touching Kerrigan in any way made his stomach turn and his anger rise.

Then came the next picture, and it was this picture that nearly did him in.  Kerrigan was in a different dress, her long brown locks were hanging down over her shoulders in long spirals.  The new dress was a beautiful red gown trimmed in what looked to be black and white lace.  It plunged down deep in the bust area, showing a hint of cleavage.  Justin couldn’t believe they had even gotten that dress on Kerrigan, but he had to admit she looked amazing.

And then there was Cody.  Standing behind her with his arms once again wrapped around her, resting on her stomach.  Kerrigan’s hands placed over top of his.  Her head was turned slightly into his, although she was looking at the camera and she had this somewhat seductive innocent expression upon her face.  And this time there was no Jeremy in the photograph.  This one was only of Kerrigan and Cody.

Justin stared at the photographs for a few more minutes before stuffing them haphazardly back into the small sack, and then stuffing it back into the bag.  Thoughts of what Jeremy had said as he was walking off racing through Justin’s mind.

“I really like Kerrigan, and I’m pretty sure she likes me too.”

Did Kerrigan really like this guy?  She hadn’t mentioned anything about it to him.  Surely if she liked this guy she would have said something to him about it.  Right?  Justin was mentally going over every conversation they had had about Cody in the last week or so.  He couldn’t remember her saying anything that would cause him to believe she liked this guy.  But what if she really did?

Justin wasn’t sure what he was going to do if that were the case.  He’d always been protective over Kerrigan.  He didn’t want to see her getting mixed up with some crew member.  Not that there was anything wrong with being a crew member, but he just knew from being around them so much that most of the guys weren’t really Kerrigan material.  At least not in his book.  And this guy was already rubbing him the wrong way.

He didn’t like his attitude and he especially didn’t like the way he had noticed him looking and staring at Kerrigan lately.

Kerrigan probably hadn’t noticed the way the guy watched her.  She seemed to be oblivious to that sort of thing, but Justin had noticed.  And so had some of the other guys as well.  They had pointed it out to him.  And this was just not acceptable in his book.

There was just something about the guy that didn’t settle well with Justin.  Something in his gut that told him not to let Kerrigan get involved with him.  And if Justin had to have the guy fired to keep him away from her, then that was exactly what he would do.

He would do whatever he had to do to make sure that Kerrigan was taken care of and protected.  She was one of his best friends in the whole world and he cared too much about her to watch some guy walk into her life and tear it apart.  And there was no way in hell that Cody was going to be that person.  Not as long as he was around he wouldn’t.

Justin sat back in the chair and sighed.  Saying a silent prayer for God to give him the strength to deal with whatever this thing with Cody could be, on top of all the stresses of the tour.  And also for God to protect his friend, because Justin didn’t know what he would do if anything ever happened to her.

Chapter 10

( 1 week later )

Kerrigan was sitting in the back of the bus reading a magazine she had picked up at the last stop.  The only reason she had grabbed it was because Justin’s face was plastered all over the cover.  Yet, another article about Justin and Britney’s breakup, an the alleged reason it had happened.

She couldn’t believe the stuff that these people were coming up with.  Kerrigan had never heard such absurd things in her life.  If only they new the real reason why they had broken up.  And if Kerrigan ever got her hands on the blonde bimbo that had broken her best friend’s heart, she would rip the girl to shreds.

Luckily she hadn’t been there for that whole scene.  But she had been one of the first people Justin had called.  The boy had been in tears, Kerrigan could tell by his tone.  And as soon as she heard the cracking in his voice, she knew something was wrong.

Once, he had gone into details and explained everything to her, Kerrigan was ready to hop on the first flight to wherever Britney was to murder the girl.  And she would have too, if it hadn’t been for Trace who had locked her in her room until she calmed down enough to be let out.  The guys all liked to tease her about her temper at times, but they knew when she was serious, she was serious and she could hurt someone if she really wanted to.  So her anger over the whole Britney/Justin fiasco was not taken lightly and any time they were even in the same proximity as her, she was watched like a hawk.  And to think she had actually once liked the girl.

Kerrigan grumbled something under her breath and threw the magazine down, which earned her a few peculiar looks from Joey, Trace and Lance who were watching a movie in the back.

“Something wrong, Kerrigan?” Lance asked.

“Nothing but the bullshit these so called journalist keep writing.  I swear if they only knew the truth.”

“Kerr, don’t go getting yourself all upset and in defensive mode over some stupid article in a teeny magazine.  We all know what really happened, so there’s no point in getting upset.” Trace scolded her.

“But they’re blaming it on Justin.  He didn’t do anything wrong.  The only thing he ever did was love that girl with his whole heart and soul.  And what does she do.  She stabs him in the back.  I swear if I EVER get my hands on that girl, she’s not gonna have any of that bleached blonde shit she calls hair left!”

Joey couldn’t help himself but to chuckle slightly at Kerrigan’s outburst.  It wasn’t very often that she got upset like this and when she did she was down right feisty and it just tickled Joey to death to see her that way.

Lance glared at Joey.  “Do not encourage her, Joe!” he warned.

“All I did was laugh.  It’s funny.  The mental picture of Kerrigan ripping out Brit’s hair.  That’s some funny shit you gotta admit.”

Trace then laughed as well.  Joey’s words forming a mental picture in his head.  “He’s right Lance.  It would be fun to watch.”

Kerrigan rolled her eyes at the guys.  She wasn’t trying to entertain them.  She literally wanted to rip all the girls hair out.  After all the time she had spent over the years wishing Justin would look at her in that light.  Give her his heart in that way.  Instead he gave it to a low life bitch that only broke it and Kerrigan was determined to break that bitch eventually.

“What are y’all back here arguing about now?” Justin asked as he entered the back room of the bus.  Shirtless.

Kerrigan’s eyes locked onto Justin’s torso.  It wasn’t like she’d never seen him without a shirt, because she seen him that way all the time.  But that didn’t make it any less mesmerizing.  Puberty had done him good.  He was like a fine wine, it gets better with age.  And that was Justin in Kerrigan’s opinion.  The more time that went by, the more amazing he became.  Especially that body of his.

“Kerrigan?” Justin stated.

Snapping out of her thoughts, Kerrigan looked up to meet Justin’s questioning eyes.  “Huh?”

“Are you alright?”

Kerrigan shook it off.  “I’m fine.” she huffed.

“She’s pouting.” Trace supplied.

“Pouting about what?” Justin asked, turning his attention to Trace.

“About the magazines again.  She was just on another one of her little rants about Britney and how she’s the spawn of Satan.” Trace rolled his eyes.

Justin shrugged and threw himself down on the sofa next to Trace.  “Can’t say I disagree with her.”

“THANK YOU!” Kerrigan stated, glaring at Trace.

“Hey, I didn’t say I disagreed.  Just that it does you no good to rant and rave about it.” Trace defended.

“Ok, cool it you two.  Let’s just drop it ok.” Justin said, grabbing the magazine.  He briefly looked over the cover, snorted and then began fanning himself with it.  “I can’t wait till we get to the next city so they can either fix the fucking air conditioning or get us a new damn bus.”

“It’s is rather hot in here.” Kerrigan stated, although she was sure that her thoughts of the reason it was hot and Justin’s were totally different.

“Well, if you’re so hot why’d you come back here?  At least you can open the windows up front.” Lance asked.

“Because JC was boring the shit out of me.  Watching some documentary or something.  I couldn’t take it any longer.” Justin said, continuing to fan himself with the magazine.

“I don’t get why you’re so hot.  It’s only the beginning of April.” Joey stated.

“It may only be the beginning of April, but we’re heading to Mississippi.  And it’s stuffy in here.  It’s like the fucking heat is on or something.”

“Did you check to see it if it is?  You know Chris gets those hot and cold flashes.  Old age is not being too kind to him.” Trace snickered.

“I heard that shorty!” Chris yelled back from his bunk.

“You’re calling me shorty?  Looked in the mirror lately?” Trace called back.

“I’m taller than you!” Chris retorted.

“You…” Trace started his rebuttal, but was cut off by Justin.

“ENOUGH!  Would you two shut up?  I have a fucking headache!” he growled.

Silence.

“Thank you.” Justin said, now more calm.

Meanwhile, Kerrigan had been sitting on her sofa quietly, lost in thought.  An idea had sprung in her head, but she was trying to build the courage within herself to go through with it.  It probably wasn’t the best idea in the world, but she really wanted to see what kind of reaction she would get out of the guys.  Or more pointedly, Justin.

Taking a deep breath, Kerrigan glanced back over at the guys again.  Joey, Lance and Trace all had their eyes glued to the TV, lost in the movie that was playing.  While Justin had finally stopped fanning himself with the magazine and had his head laid back on the back of the sofa with his eyes closed.

Figuring there was no time like the present, Kerrigan leaned forward slightly and pulled her shirt up and over her head, laying it down beside her on the sofa.

The motion coming from Kerrigan’s direction caught Joey’s eye, he glanced over and when he saw Kerrigan sitting there on the sofa in her jeans and bra.  A lacy white bra, he nearly choked.  He quickly diverted his eyes and nudged Trace who was sitting next to him.  Trace looked over to Joey, giving him an annoyed look for elbowing him, but when he saw Joey nodding his head towards Kerrigan he merely scowled at Joey, gave her a quick glance and then looked back at the TV.

It took a moment but then it suddenly struck him that Kerrigan was sitting there in her bra and his head turned back quickly to gawk at her.  “Kerrigan, what the hell are you doing now?” he demanded.

Before Kerrigan could even respond Justin spoke without looking up.  “Trace, leave her alone.”

“Leave her alone?” Trace asked astonished, turning to look at Justin.  “She just took her fucking shirt off!”

Justin opened his eyes and looked at Trace’s face.  “Funny.” he said.

“I’m not fucking kidding.  Look at her!” Trace demanded.

Justin shook his head at Trace as he turned to glance at Kerrigan.  And there she sat.  Jeans and bra.

Justin shot up off the sofa.  “What the hell, Kerrigan?” he yelled, racing the short distance across the back of the bus to where she was sitting.  He quickly grabbed her shirt and held it to her chest.  “What the hell are you doing?” he demanded.

“I was hot!” Kerrigan defended.

“So you took your fucking shirt off?” Justin asked angrily.

Kerrigan glared at him.  “You’re not wearing a shirt!”

“I’m a GUY!” Justin yelled, while fighting Kerrigan.  She was attempting to push the shirt away, while he was trying to hold it against her.

“SO?” Kerrigan yelled back.

“SO?” Justin repeated.  “You’re not a guy, Kerr.  You’re a girl in case you forgot and you can’t just go walking around on a bus FULL OF GUYS in only a fucking BRA!”

Kerrigan, angry because of the way Justin was yelling at her, shoved him away and stood up.  “If you can walk around without a shirt so can I.  I have a bra on, Justin.  It’s not like I’m walking around without one!” she huffed.

“It’s nothing but lace Kerrigan.  It barely covers anything!”

“You can’t see anything!” she defended looking down at her chest and then back to him with a glare.  A small portion of herself was pleased with his reaction.  He had said she was a girl.  That’s all she had really been looking for.  But that happiness she felt inside, quickly dissipated when he made his next statement.

“I can see more than I want to!” Justin exclaimed, and once again advanced towards her with the shirt, quickly holding it up to cover her.

And for a moment Justin thought he had won the battle.  She was just standing there staring at him, with this blank expression on her face.  Justin took that blank expression as she had realized what she was doing and that he was right.  WRONG.

Kerrigan shoved Justin backwards again, the shirt falling to the floor in the process.  She turned angrily and headed out of the room towards the bunks.

“What’s going on back here?“ JC asked entering the room, Kerrigan running directly into him.  JC grabbed her by her arms to steady her.  “Nice to see you too, Kerr.” he said and then glanced down seeing she was only in her bra. “Ahem….all of you.” he then added.

Kerrigan studied JC’s flushed face and raised an eyebrow at him.  “Like what you see?” she asked.

“Um…well…um…” JC stuttered.

Justin glared at him.  He was staring directly at her chest, not even looking at her face.  He grabbed Kerrigan’s shirt off the floor and stormed over to the two, shoving JC away from Kerrigan and planting himself in front of her, as if to shield her from JC‘s eyes.  “DO YOU FUCKING MIND?”

“Sorry man.  I…” JC started.

But Justin cut him off.  “Don’t wanna hear it.” he said pushing past JC, dragging Kerrigan along with him.  “C’mon.  We need to have a little talk.”

JC turned his head and looked at the other three baffled guys sitting on the sofa.  “What the hell just happened here?”

Joey quickly diverted his eyes back to the TV, Trace began rubbing his temples, and Lance shrugged.

JC nodded.  “Good to know.”

Meanwhile, Justin had drug Kerrigan into the hallway where the bunks were located, closing the door to the back room behind him.

“What the hell was that about?” he whispered harshly.  “Are you trying to prove something?”

“I’m not trying to prove anything.  I was hot so I took my shirt off.  I didn’t think anyone would mind.”

“Well I’m sure the other guys didn’t mind at all, Kerr.  But damn it, you’re not a little girl anymore.  It would be different if we were still kids, but we’re not.  You’re a woman now, and you can’t just go around in a bra.”

And there it was.  The recognition Kerrigan had been searching for.  Sure her means of getting it were irrational, but it got the job done and that’s all she cared about.

“Fine.  I’ll put my shirt back on.” she relented softly.

“Thank you.” Justin said, handing her the shirt.

“You’re welcome.” she said as she quickly pulled the shirt back over her head.  She looked back up at Justin, who was watching her.  “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

“You didn’t make me uncomfortable, it’s just…” he paused.  “You caught me off guard.  You’ve never done anything like that before.”

“I was…”

“Hot. Yeah, so you said.  Just don’t do that again Kerr.  Not in front of the guys and me.  OK?”

“Ok, I won't.” she said, looking to the floor.

Justin felt bad when he seen the hurt on her face.  Of course he didn’t know the real meaning behind it, he took it as he had hurt her feelings by yelling at her like he had.  “Kerr, I’m sorry I yelled.  It’s just I…”

“No, don’t worry about it.  I understand.” she looked up at him.  “I think I’m gonna lay down for a while.  I’ll talk to you later.”  And without another word she climbed into her bunk, closing the curtain behind her.

Justin stood there for a moment trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.  Kerrigan had never done anything like that.  She had always been so modest and shy about her body, it just wasn’t like her to go pulling articles of clothing off.  Especially, in front of people.  Something was up with her, and he was yet to figure out just what.

Sighing he turned and headed back into the back room.  When he entered all of the guys looked up at him with questioning eyes.  Justin merely shook his head and waved them off.  That was his way of telling them not to ask, because he had no clue.

Meanwhile, Chris laid silently staring into the darkness of his bunk.  He had heard everything.  And he could even hear Kerrigan as she was now crying silently in her bunk.

Maybe the other guys were too blind to figure out what was going on, but this was Kerrigan’s way of crying out for attention.  He’d known for a while that Kerrigan’s feelings for Justin had changed.  And he had kind of gathered that she was feeling left out amongst the guys, and this was all the proof he needed that he had been correct in that assumption.  This was her desperate attempt to get them to realize she wasn’t just a little girl anymore.  That she wasn’t just one of the guys, but a living, breathing woman.

And it pained him to hear her crying in her bunk, because that showed him just how badly the whole thing was bothering her.  Hurting her.  But Chris didn’t know what to do, or what to say.  He knew nothing he could say would make the situation different.  The guys all had minds of their own, and were going to think whatever they wanted to think.

He only hoped that Kerrigan wouldn’t get carried away and do something drastic.  Something that in the end would cause her more pain than what she was currently enduring.  But again there was nothing he could do.  His only option was to sit and wait.  To see what would happen next.

Chapter 11

( The next day - Mississippi )

The group was loaded up in a van, on their way to Lance’s mother’s house.  Since they were going to be in town for a couple days she had insisted that they all come over for a home cooked meal.  And seeing as they rarely got that being out on the road, they had all jumped at the chance.

The guys show wasn’t until the following night, and the only appearance they’d had scheduled was that morning.  Once that obligation was fulfilled they had headed straight to the Bass home from the radio station.  All looking forward to being around Lance’s family and away from the confining walls that was their hotel.

Though they were all excited, it was rather quiet in the van.  Everyone was lost in their own thoughts.  The guys thoughts all revolving around the home cooked meal they were about to devour.  And Kerrigan’s revolving around the same thing it had been revolving around since the day before on the bus.

She ended up crying herself to sleep in her bunk, only to wake up a couple hours later.  But she never came out of her bunk.  A part of her was humiliated with the way she had acted and the things she had done.   There was no way she could face the guys.  Especially, when she could hear them all in the back room joking around and having a good time.

Kerrigan knew that if she were to walk into that room it would fill with an awkward silence.  And that was something she just couldn’t handle.  So instead she stayed in her bunk for the rest of the evening.  Not coming out until she knew all the guys were fast asleep in their bunks.

She then spent the rest of the night sitting in the kitchen booth just thinking.  Thinking about everything that had happened earlier.  All of Justin’s reactions and the things he had said.  Thinking about everything.  It was like her mind was on auto pilot.  And even though she had spent the whole night going over everything and debating everything with herself.  She wasn’t any closer to a resolution than she had been when she had sat down in the booth.

When the guys got up that morning after they reached the hotel, nothing was said about Kerrigan’s topless episode.  She figured Justin had probably warned them all to keep their mouths shut about it.  Which was all for the best.  She knew if one of the guys brought it up, she would only get further embarrassed.

She was already wishing she could take it all back.  And if Joey were to make some wise crack about it, which she knew he would.  Kerrigan was sure she would die of humiliation.

“That was a really delicious meal, Mrs. Bass.” Kerrigan said as she assisted Mrs. Bass and Lance’s sister Stacy in clearing the table.  All of the guys had wandered off into the other room to watch a game with Lance’s Dad and Stacy’s husband Ford.

“Kerrigan, you know you don’t have to call me Mrs. Bass.  Call me Diane.” she smiled.

Kerrigan nodded.  “Ok.  Well, thank you for the meal, Diane.”

“It was my pleasure sweetheart.” Mrs. Bass patted her on the shoulder as she moved around her to load the dishwasher.

Kerrigan smiled at her appreciatively.  She loved Lance’s Mom.  She reminded her a lot of her Mother and of Justin’s.  There was just something about Southern women and their hospitality.

“So, Justin still dragging you around with him?” Stacy asked, smirking at her.  “I figured you woulda got smart and ditched his butt by now.”

Kerrigan laughed.  “Yeah, well what can I say?  I’ve put up with him this long.  What’s another twenty or thirty years?”

“Girl, you need to get away from them guys.  Get out there and get you a life outside of them.”

“I have a life.” Kerrigan defended.

“I didn’t mean it like that, Kerrigan.  I just meant that you’re almost twenty one and you’re still following Justin and Trace everywhere they go.  That can’t make you happy.”

“Stacy, mind your business.  Who are you to tell Kerrigan what makes her happy or doesn’t.  I’m sure that if Kerrigan was unhappy she would do something about it.”  Mrs. Bass scolded her daughter.

“Mama, I’m not being mean.  Just asking is all.” Stacy said looking to her mom and then turning back to Kerrigan for an answer.

Kerrigan loved Lance’s sister.  She knew she didn’t mean any harm by her questions or statements.  She had known her for as long as she had known Lance.  Granted she hadn’t spent as much time with Stacy as she had Lance but she had spent enough time with her to know that she was not a malicious person.  Far from it.

Stacy was just a sweet girl that cared a lot about people.  And she happened to be pretty good at reading people as well.  Kerrigan couldn’t help but wish that the guys could be half as good at reading people as Stacy was.  But then again it could just be a female intuition thing too.

“I am happy, Stacy.  I have a lot of fun with the guys.  I know it may not make sense, but I fit in with them.  We all get along really well and they’re my family.  I don’t think I’d be happy if I was off somewhere else.  This is my life.  This is what I know.  And it does make me happy.”

Stacy gave her a skeptical look.  She believed Kerrigan was happy with the guys.  She knew she’d probably be miserable stuck somewhere off in college, that just wasn’t the type of girl that Kerrigan was.  But at the same time she could tell that even though she was happy with her current life, she wasn’t as happy as she could be.

“Well, as long as you’re happy.” she smiled.

Kerrigan nodded, and then turned her attention back to Mrs. Bass to help her finish loading the dishwasher.

Once they were done, the girls headed into the other room where all the guys were.  Mrs. Bass sat down in her chair, that the boys knew better than to sit in, Stacy took a seat on her husband’s lap, and Kerrigan sat down on the floor by the sofa, as all the other seats were taken by the guys.

Mrs. Bass sighed and frowned at the boys.  “One of you could get up so that Kerrigan could sit on the sofa.”

All the guys quickly started to get up at her words, but Kerrigan stopped them.  “No, it’s ok.  I don’t mind sitting on the floor.”

“You sure?” Lance asked, knowing if he didn’t his mother would never let him hear the end of it.

“I’m fine Lance.  But thank you.” Kerrigan smiled at him.

Lance nodded at her and settled back into the sofa.

The room was once again quite, everyone watching the game.  But Kerrigan who usually loved to watch basketball just couldn’t get into the game.  Her mind kept drifting off, back to her thoughts from the night before.  And new thoughts that were now racing through her mind after what Stacy had said to her in the kitchen.

Kerrigan knew Stacy was right.  To a degree.

She really needed to get out there and get her own life.  She spent way too much time just following the guys around like a lost puppy, hanging on their every whim.  Sure technically she was Justin’s personal assistant, and she did do a lot of things for him and help him out.  But at the same time she wasn’t so busy that she couldn’t be out doing other things.

It wasn’t always required for her to be at every show.  At every sound check.  It wasn’t required for her to spend her every free moment with him or one of the other guys.  And although she loved all of them, and loved spending time with them, she really did need some time for herself.  To do the things that she enjoyed.  She needed girl time.

Kerrigan’s thoughts then diverted to Cody, after hearing Justin say something about Kobe Bryant.  The names sounded a lot alike and that triggered thoughts of him.

She hadn’t really had much of a chance to talk to him or hang out with him since the day they had gone to Six Flags.  She had seen him around at the venues, and he would always wave to her or stop to say hello.  But he was always so busy trying to get all of the lightening setup for the shows that they never actually got to sit down and speak.

A small smile played on Kerrigan’s face as she thought back to the day she had spent at Six Flags with him.  She’d had a really good time.  They’d road all of the rides, played a ton of games and just had a blast.

Cody seemed to be a really nice guy.  He was funny.  Good looking.  And he saw her for the woman she was.

She’d had her doubts at first.  She wasn’t used to having guys look at her like that, but as JC had so blatantly pointed out one day at sound check, he liked her.  Kerrigan had scoffed when JC had suggested it, but he was quick to point out that the guy was always looking at her.  Smiling as he watched her walk by.  He assured her that he was positive that Cody was interested in her.

Justin of course didn’t seem to thrilled with that idea.  She still hadn’t heard the end of it about coming back to the hotel drunk.  He’d brought it up every day and found some way to rub it in her face that she had been drunk off her ass, and he’d had to take care of her.  He also made it perfectly clear that he didn’t like the fact that Cody had gotten her drunk.  Especially since she was under age.  Which Kerrigan was quick to point out, was hypocritical of him since he’d gotten her drunk on several occasions, even though she was under age.

Justin never said it directly but Kerrigan got the distinct feeling that he didn’t like Cody.  And that he didn’t want her around him.  But then that wasn’t his choice to make.

The more Kerrigan thought about Cody, the more she thought about what JC had said to her.  He liked her.  He really liked her.  Thinking back to all of the times they had spoken, or she had looked over at him, she had caught him several times just watching her.  Staring at her.  She was finally ready to relent and realize he did like her.

And then Stacy’s words came back to her again.  “Girl, you need to get away from them guys.  Get out there and get you a life outside of them.”  Maybe Cody could be a part of that life.  There were possibilities there that she hadn’t really given any thought to before.

And then Kerrigan once again started to think about some of the other things that she had been debating on for a while.  The whole “new her” thing.  Some new clothing.  Possibly a new hair style.  She’d already made the first step and got her navel pierced like she had been thinking about, so maybe it wouldn’t hurt to take the other steps as well.  Maybe then Cody would like her even more.

That was it.  Kerrigan’s mind was made up.  She knew what she was going to do.  The only problem was, that she didn’t know where to start.

Looking around the room, Kerrigan’s eyes glanced over all the guys.  She couldn’t very well go to any of them for help.  They’d surely laugh at her.  Or worse she’d come out looking like some floozy.

Then her eyes settled on Stacy, and Kerrigan smiled.  That was her answer.  She could help her.

Stacy was a girly girl by every meaning of the word.  She knew about hair.  She knew about makeup.  And she knew about clothes.  Stacy would be able to point Kerrigan in the right direction and help her achieve a look that would make her more feminine and not the least bit floozy like.

Stacy was the key to helping Kerrigan become a true woman in every sense of the word.

Only problem was, how in world would she approach her about something like that.  Especially in front of all the guys.  There was no way Kerrigan was going to ask her for her help in front of the guys.  She would just have to wait it out, and try to catch a minute alone with Stacy later, when no one else was around.

Later that evening, after the game had finally ended after going into overtime.  All the guys had again wandered off, out back to the deck.  Where Kerrigan assumed they were having “manly” conversations.

This was her moment.  Her chance to talk to Stacy alone, as she had just excused herself to go into the kitchen and get something to drink.

Kerrigan quickly excused herself as well and followed Stacy into the kitchen.  “Hey, Stace can I talk to you for a sec?”

Stacy turned around and looked at Kerrigan.  “Sure.  What’s up?”

“Well, see I’ve been doing some thinking.  About what you said earlier.”

“You’re gonna ditch Justin?  I wasn’t being serious, Kerr.  I mean don’t like quit on him.  I was only teasing.” Stacy said in a panic, thinking Kerrigan had taken those particular words to heart and was about to make a rash decision.

Kerrigan chuckled at Stacy’s worry.  “No, that’s not what I was thinking about.  I was actually thinking about how you said I need to get out there and get a life of my own.”

Stacy eyed her, not completely sure what she meant by that.  “Ok.  So how do you plan on doing that?”

“Well, I need your help.  See I’ve been thinking of making some changes for a while now, but just never really got around to it.  And seeing as I’m always with the guys and there’s never really any other girls around I didn’t really have anyone to go to for help.”

“What kind of changes?  And what kind of help?” Stacy asked, confused.

“Well, it’s not hard to see I’m a tomboy.  I’m nearly twenty one and I think it’s time I started acting and dressing more like the woman I am, rather than the tomboyish little girl I used to be.”

“Who is he?” Stacy asked, smiling.

“Who is who?” Kerrigan asked, baffled.

“There’s some guy you’re trying to impress.  Who is he?  Is he on the tour?  It’s not one of the guys is it?  You know one of THE guys?”

“Well, there is a guy.  But not one of THE guys.” Kerrigan blushed slightly.  She wasn’t used to having these kinds of conversations.

Stacy smiled.  “Ok, so who is he then?”

“Well, his name is Cody.  He’s one of the crew guys.  He works in lighting.”

“Is he cute?”

Kerrigan’s face lit up.  “Oh my God Stace, he’s gorgeous.  He’s got dark brown hair, with these magnificent chocolate brown eyes.  And one hell of a body to boot.  And his arms.  Oh, Stacy his arms are to die for!”

Stacy’s eyebrows raised.  She’d never in all the time she’d known Kerrigan heard her talk about a guy or anyone in that fashion.  “Well, he definitely sounds interesting.  But what do you need help with?”

“I don’t know any girls.  I mean there are some other girls on the tour, but they’re mostly older and I don’t really have any kind of a real friendship with them.  Not strong enough that I would trust going to them and asking them for help.”

“So you’re asking me for help?”

“Yeah.  I need you to take me shopping.  Take me somewhere to get a hair cut.  Just help me!”

This time Stacy’s face lit up.  “Girl, I would love to.  Do you have anywhere to be tomorrow?”

“No, not really.  The guys got sound check and all that but I don’t HAVE to be there.” Kerrigan shrugged.

“Good.  Here’s what we’ll do then.  I’ll call my hair salon and setup an appointment for you for first thing in the morning.  After we’re done there, I’ll take you shopping.”

“Really?  You’ll help me?” Kerrigan asked, with hopeful eyes.

“Didn’t I just say I would?” Stacy smiled, walking over and rapping her arm around Kerrigan’s shoulders.  “This Cody isn’t going to know what hit him.  After tomorrow you’ll no longer be Kerr the tomboy.  You’ll be Kerrigan the woman.  We’re going to get you womanized.”

Chapter 12

Justin made his way down the hall towards Kerrigan’s room, with Trace and Chris in tow.  They were going to see if she wanted to go down and have a late breakfast with them.  But when they got to her room and Justin was about to knock on her door, Rob stopped him.  “Kerrigan’s not in her room, J.  She left early this morning.”

“She left?  Early this morning?  You’re sure?” Justin asked, turning to Trace.  “Did she say anything to you about going anywhere?”

“She didn’t mention anything to me.” Trace answered.

“Me either.” Chris supplied with a shrug, when Justin looked at him.

Justin turned his attention back to Rob.  “Did she say where she was going?”

“She didn’t say.” Rob shrugged.

Looking down to the floor it suddenly struck Justin.  The last time she had taken off without him, she had gone out with Cody.  He quickly looked back up to Rob.  “Who’d she go with?  Did she say?”

Rob gave Justin a knowing look.  “She left with Miss Stacy.”

“Stacy?” Justin questioned, looking around at the guys.

“Yeah.  Lance’s sister.” Rob said.

Justin stood there in confusion.  Why on earth would she go out with Stacy?  Sure they were friends and talked whenever they were in the same place, but they had never gone out together somewhere.  That just didn’t make sense to him.  “You’re sure it was Lance’s sister Stacy?” he questioned.

“Yes, I’m sure.  I seen her with my own two eyes.  She showed up here knocking on Kerrigan’s door around 7:30 this morning.  They left together about a half hour later.  They didn’t say where they were going or when they’d be back.  They just left.”

“Oh, ok.  Well, if she comes back tell her I’m looking for her.” Justin said.

“Will do.” Rob nodded.

Justin stood there for a moment and then looked at Chris and Trace.  “Well, I guess it’s just us.”

“Don’t look so happy about it man.” Chris teased.

“I’m just confused.  She didn’t say anything at all to me about going out with Stacy today.  She always tells me if she’s got errands to run or something.”

Trace eyed Justin.  “She doesn’t have to report her every move to you, J.”

Justin’s head snapped up and he glared at Trace.  “I didn’t say she did.  I just said that I was confused because she hadn’t mentioned it.”

“Ok, ok.  I believe you.” Trace said, holding his hands up in surrender.

“Let’s just go eat!” Justin growled before storming off down the hall.

Chris and Trace shared a confused look and then followed.

( That night at the Venue )

Justin was storming around the toy room.  Kerrigan had been gone all day long, and he hadn’t heard a word from her.  When he had tried to call her cell phone, he’d only gotten her voice mail.  He had left numerous messages, but she hadn’t returned not a one.  And he was growing frustrated.

He was pissed off because she had taken off and hadn’t bothered to let anyone know where she was going or what she was doing.  If it hadn’t been for Rob telling them that she had left with Stacy, Justin would have spent the whole day thinking the worst.

He would have been thinking that she was out with Cody somewhere.  But he knew she was out with Stacy and that had been ok with him for the most part of the day.

Granted he was still a bit confused as to why she was out with Stacy, but at least he knew she wasn’t with Cody.  But this was getting ridiculous.  Being gone all day, without so much as a phone call to check in.  And it was almost show time to top it off.

“What could she possibly be doing with your sister that would take her all damn day?” Justin cast a questioning look at Lance.

Lance was about to respond, when Justin cut in and carried on with his rant.

“I mean, she shoulda been here by now.  She never misses a show.” Justin vented.

“J, I’m sure she’ll be here soon.  She’s probably just running a little behind.” JC suggested.

And then the door opened and in walked Kerrigan.

“See J, there she is now.” JC said, he eyes widening when he got a good look at her.

Justin spun around.  “Where the hell have you been all…..you cut your hair!” he said shocked.

“Yeah, do you like it?” Kerrigan smiled, running her hands over her hair that had been cut from where it had previously hung to her lower back to where it now hung just a few inches past her shoulders.

Justin merely stared at her for a moment.  But that moment didn’t last nearly long enough before he burst into his ranting again and began questioning Kerrigan.  “It took you all damn day to cut your fucking hair?”

Kerrigan gave him a funny look and then glanced around at the other guys for some form of explanation for Justin’s current state.  But they were all just looking at her, wearing these sympathetic expressions.  And Kerrigan wasn’t sure if that meant they felt sorry for her because her hair looked horrible, or if there was some other reason.

“Kerrigan?” Justin prodded when she didn’t answer.

She looked back at him.  “What?”

Justin groaned and repeated his previous question.  “ I said did it take you all day to get a haircut?”

“No, of course not.  We went shopping and stuff.” Kerrigan shrugged nonchalantly.  She didn’t see what the big deal was.

It wasn’t until she mentioned the shopping that Justin noticed her outfit.  But when he did his eyes nearly popped out of his head.  “What the hell are you wearing?  Where’s your jeans and t-shirt?”

“They’re at the hotel.  I thought you guys said something yesterday about there being some after party tonight, so I thought I would dress for it.” she shrugged.

“Dress for it?” Justin questioned.  “Is that what you call what you’ve got on?  Dressing for it?  You fucking look like Britney!”

Kerrigan’s jaw dropped at that statement and she glared at him.  “I DO NOT look like Birtney!  I should punch you in your mouth for even saying that!”

“You do too!  Britney, wears those little tops and those low pants.  What the hell were you thinking?”

“J, will you shut up and leave her a lone.” Trace said, coming to Kerrigan’s defense.

“What do you mean leave her alone?  Look at what she’s wearing.”

Trace got up from the sofa he’d been sitting on and walked over to where they were standing.  “I am looking at her, Justin.  I don’t see the problem.”

“You don’t see the problem?” Justin questioned.

“No I don’t.” Trace said evenly.

“She looks like a girl!” Justin pointed at her.

“I am a girl, Justin.” Kerrigan stated.  “See?  I have tits!” she said, cupping her breasts.

Justin quickly yanked her hands away from her chest.  “Quit fondling yourself like that.”

“I’m not fondling myself!  Fondling myself would be rubbing my TITS slowly like this!” Kerrigan said sarcastically, while slowly running her hands up and over her breasts.

“STOP DOING THAT!” Justin yelled, again yanking her hands away.

And that was all it took.  All the other guys in the room busted out laughing at how flustered Justin was becoming.  He didn’t know what to do with himself, having Kerrigan act so outrageously like she was.

“It’s not fucking funny you guys!” he growled angrily.

“Oh, jeez Justin.  Calm down.  What the hell is wrong with you?” Kerrigan questioned.

“What’s wrong with me is that you’ve been gone ALL DAY.  You didn’t bother to let anyone know that you were going anywhere.  I’ve left you a zillion fucking messages and you never called me back.  And then you show up here with your hair chopped off and wearing clothing you’ve never worn before in your life.  So I think the better question is what the hell is wrong with you?”

“I needed a change.  Why’s that such a big deal?”

“Because this isn’t you, Kerrigan. You haven’t cut your hair for years, with the exception of the normal trim here and there.  And you’ve never in your life worn low rise jeans.  Or that little tube top thing.”

“This isn’t a tube top, Justin.” Kerrigan corrected, looking down at the baby doll midriff she was wearing.

“I don’t care what it is.  The point is, that this isn’t you.  The Kerrigan I know wears her baggy blue jeans and her t-shirts.  She doesn’t parade around in little skimpy, girly outfits.” Justin spat angrily.

“Ok, Justin that’s enough.  Maybe you should calm down and talk about this later.” JC suggested.

“No!” Kerrigan interjected.  “He’s right.  The Kerrigan he knows wears baggy blue jeans and baggy t-shirts.  But guess what Justin.  That’s not who I am anymore.  I’ve changed.  I don’t want to be that person anymore.  I want to be a girl.  I want to dress like a girl.  This is who I am.”

“Kerrigan….” Justin started, but she quickly cut him off.

“Learn to deal with it Justin, because this is what you’re going to see from now on.”

“Kerrigan, I don’t…” once again he was cut off when one of the stage hands stuck their head in the door to let them know it was time to go on.

Justin sighed and looked over at the guys.

“Make it quick, we’ll be outside.” Chris told him, understanding Justin’s need to settle this before he went on.  He looked at JC, Joey, Lance and Trace and they all nodded and followed Chris’ lead.

Justin nodded and waited on the guys to leave.  He then turned his attention back to Kerrigan.  “I don’t understand where this is coming from Kerrigan?  Just all the sudden out of no where?”

“And I don’t expect you to understand either, Justin.  You don’t live in my skin.  You don’t know what it’s like.  Just understand that this is what I want, and try to accept it.”

“What do you mean I don’t live in your skin?  I live in the public eye, that’s crazy enough on it’s own.”

“That’s not what I meant, J.  It’s just….” Kerrigan paused in thought, trying to figure out how to explain this to him.  “It’s just that I’m not a little girl anymore, J.  You said that for yourself just the other day.  And I just felt like it was time I started acting like a girl.”

“Acting like a girl?  Kerrigan, that doesn’t make any sense.”

“It makes perfect sense to me and that’s all that matters.” Kerrigan stated, and when she caught the confusion in Justin’s eyes, she felt like she at least owed him some kind of an explanation.

“Justin, I was tired of feeling all boyish all the time.  I wanted to feel more like a girl.  I wanted to feel pretty.”

“Wearing hardly any clothes makes you feel pretty?” Justin scoffed.

Kerrigan groaned.  He was truly a guy.  Hard headed and simple as an oaf.  “No you dimwit!  I wanted to feel more feminine.  Dressing the way I did before didn’t make me feel feminine.  It made me feel like a guy.  And as you and everyone has pointed out, I’m not!  So I’m making a change.  It’s really not that hard to comprehend.”

“You’re not the one staring at a person you’ve known all your life, but not seeing that person at all.”

“J, I’m still the same person.  I’m still Kerr.  I’m just dressing a little differently.  I don’t look any different than any of the other girls out there in the venue.  Or any of the girls at the clubs or on the streets.  I’m probably wearing more clothes than most of the girls out there.  But I just needed a change.  This makes me feel better about myself.  More confident.  It makes me happy.” she said, giving him a half smile.

Justin stared at her.  He couldn’t for the life of him understand.  This was coming out of no where.  He had no idea she hadn’t been happy before.  She hadn’t said anything to him about being unhappy with herself.  Or not feeling comfortable in her own skin.  And that upset him because he should have known something was wrong.

Granted he’d had the feeling that something was wrong because of the way she had been acting recently, but he should have been a better friend and tried to talk to her about it.  Maybe that would have made this whole transition a little easier.  On him and her.  But instead he’d been selfish and was caught up in only himself and what was going on with him and in his life.  Over looking a very important friend that had always been there for him when he needed her.

“Ok.  I mean if it makes you feel better and makes you happy, I guess I can’t really argue with that.  Cause you know I just want you to be happy.”

“I know you do, J.” Kerrigan said softly.

“This just caught me off guard.  I was NOT expecting this at all.  I mean I knew something was going on.  That something was bothering you, but never did I guess it would be anything like this.”

“It’s really not that big of a deal, Justin.” Kerrigan laughed.

But Justin didn’t laugh.  He didn’t even smile.  He felt horrible, because he felt as if he’d been a horrible friend.  “Maybe not to you, Kerr.  But to me it is a big deal.  I feel like I’ve let you down.  You’ve always been there for me when I needed you, and when you needed me, where was I?  I’m somewhere with my head stuck up my ass.” he said shaking his head.

“Justin, shut up.” Kerrigan said shoving him in his arm.  “I went to Stacy because I couldn’t talk to you about this.  Or Trace.  I mean I kinda hinted about it to Trace, but I didn’t go into detail.  And besides I just really needed a girl for this.  You guys woulda had me really looking like Britney.”

Justin scoffed.  “Are you saying I would dress you like a whore?”

“Males tend to pick the skimpiest outfits.” Kerrigan shrugged.

“Nah, Kerr.  You’re too classy for that.  I would never put you in anything like that.  And I’d kill any guy that would.”

“So you’d kill Trace then?” she smirked.

“Yes.  Cause you know he’d have you wearing those little boy shorts and all kinds of crazy shit.”

Kerrigan laughed.  “Yeah, that sounds like something he would do.”

“Yeah.” Justin sighed. “Ok, so we’re good now?”

“I’ve been fine, it was you that was flipping out.”

“I was NOT flipping…” he was cut off by a knock on the door. “Out.” he finished.

“Yes, you were.  But we don’t’ have time for that argument now.  You need to get your ass out there.” Kerrigan said, pushing him towards the door.

“Ok.  I’m going….I’m going.” he relented and opened the door, but looked back at her.  “You didn’t buy any of those lil’ boy shorts did you?”

Chris and the others gave Kerrigan a questioning look.

“No, Trace wasn’t with me remember.  Now GO!” she said giving him one last push out the door, then closing it behind him.

Trace looked at Justin questioningly.  “I wasn’t with her for what?”

“Nothing.” Justin smiled.  He was not about to get into that debate with Trace.  “Let’s go guys.” he said before walking off down the hallway with the guys, leaving a confused Trace behind.

Chapter 13

The after party for the guys and crew was being held at a club in downtown Jackson, which was just outside of Clinton.  Everyone headed over there after they’d gone back to the hotel and gotten showered and changed from the show.

The party wasn’t anything big and elaborate.  Just something so that everyone could kind of let loose and have some fun.  Relax a little bit.  They were going to be in Mississippi for another day, and they didn’t have any promotional things to do.  So that gave them the whole night to party and have a good time.  With no worries of having to be up early for some kind of interview the next day.

Kerrigan walked into the club with the guys and their mass of bodyguards.  Even though it was a Jive sponsored party, they still kept their security with them just to be on the safe side.  That and a few million fans seemed to have somehow found out about the after party and were all lined outside in the hopes of getting to meet their favorite Nsyncer.

Once on the inside of the club they all looked around in search of a table big enough for their group.  Sure they’d end up going their separate ways eventually, but it was like a custom for them all to sit down together for a few minutes at least, so they could scope out the scene.

“This way.” Joey said, motioning for everyone to follow.  He’d obviously spotted a place.

The group followed him, Kerrigan bringing up the rear. She was too busy looking around to see who all was there and if she recognized anyone.  Or more accurately she was looking around to see if Cody was there anywhere.  She had missed him at the show and had yet to see him that day.  Kerrigan couldn’t wait to see what his reaction was going to be to the new her.

Reaching the table they all took a seat and sat there looking around taking everything in.  When the waitress came over to check on them they all ordered their drinks, Justin thoughtlessly ordering a beer for Kerrigan as well.

Once the waitress had left Chris looked over at Justin and smirked.  “You do know she’s not twenty one, right?”

Kerrigan chuckled at Chris’ obvious nab at Justin.  While Justin merely gave Chris a dirty look and said; “So she’s with us.  It’s all good.  She can‘t get into any trouble as long as we‘re around.”

Kerrigan looked at Justin incredulously.  “I didn’t get into trouble that night.” she defended.  “We came directly back to the hotel after we left the Bar and Grill.”

“How do you know you came directly back to the hotel?” Justin asked.

“Here we go again.” Trace mumbled under his breath.

“Because I remember!” Kerrigan stated.

“I’m surprised you remember anything as drunk as you were.” Justin scoffed.

“I wasn’t THAT drunk, Justin.” Kerrigan glared at him.

“You came back with your belly button pierced.” he said as the waitress sat his beer down in front of him, he quickly took a gulp.

“I got that done before we went to the Bar and Grill.  I was perfectly sober when I got that done.” she replied, smiling at the waitress and mouthing a “Thank You” when she sat her beer down in front of her.

“Well, then obviously you weren’t thinking at all that day.” Justin shrugged.

“OK, that’s enough children.  Go back to your corners.” Chris stated shaking his head at the two.  “We’re here to have a good time, not argue about things that nobody can change.”  He looked at Justin.  “Just accept that she went out, got pierced and came back drunk.  At least she had a good time.  Get over it.”  Then he turned his attention to Kerrigan.  “And you need to just accept that Justin was worried and he tends to make a big deal about things when he’s worried.  You get over that.”

Kerrigan rolled her eyes at Chris and mumbled under her breath.  “Justin, makes a big deal out of everything, not just when he’s worried.”

“What was that?” Justin asked, hearing her mumble something.

“Oh, nothing.  I was just agreeing with Chris.” she smiled at him innocently.

Justin knew she had made some sarcastic comment to herself, but he wasn’t about to argue with her about it.  Chris was right, they were there to have a good time and they weren’t going to accomplish that by arguing over petty stuff.

It was silent at the table for a few minutes and then Lance spoke up, directing his attention to Kerrigan.  “I talked to Stacy earlier.  She said that she had a lot of fun hanging out with you today.”

Kerrigan smiled.  “I had fun hanging out with her too.  It was a nice change of pace.  And I never knew your sister was so….” she trailed off, unable to find the words to describe her.

“So what?” Lance questioned.

“I don’t know how to describe it.  She’s just a lot different than I thought.  I mean don’t get me wrong, I’ve always loved your sister.  She’s a sweetheart, but she’s just a lot of fun to hang out with.  She’s a bit on the wild side.”

Lance chuckled.  “Yeah, don’t let her calm demeanor in front of my Mom fool you.  Stacy’s a rebel at heart.  Just ask Ford.”

“Don’t need to.  Seen it with my own two eyes.” she laughed.

“So what all did you two do today?” Joey asked, taking a drink of his beer.

“Well, she took me to her Salon and I got my hair cut.  Then we came over here to Jackson and went shopping at the mall.  We had some lunch.  Just pretty much hung out.” Kerrigan shrugged.

“It took you all day just to do that?” Justin questioned suspiciously.

But before Kerrigan could reply JC butted in.  “You’re one to talk, J.  When you go shopping it takes you days.  Give the girl a break, it’s not like she had anywhere else to be today.  She needed some time out away from us guys.”

“Wow.  Glad someone understands.” Kerrigan stated sarcastically, which got her a dirty look from Justin.

Trace noticed the look Justin gave her and decided he’d speak up before Kerrigan or Justin had a chance to lay into each other again.  “So where are we headed to next?”

Lance thought for a second before answering.  “Louisiana I believe.”

“Cool.” Trace said, and then the table grew quiet.  Everyone lost in their own thoughts.

Kerrigan looked around the club once again.  She still didn’t see Cody anywhere, but it was entirely possible that he was there somewhere and she couldn’t see him.  She decided she was going to get up and mingle.  Maybe she would spot him in the process.  “I’m gonna go look for Stacy.  She’s gonna be here right?” she asked looking at Lance.

“Yeah, her and Ford both.  They should be here by now.  They said they were going to head over here straight from the show, so I’m sure she’s here somewhere.”

“OK.  I’ll catch you guys later.” she said grabbing her beer from the table and walking off.  Justin watching her as she left.

Kerrigan was sitting at a small table talking with Stacy and Ford.  She’d found them over by the bar when she had left to go look for them, and they had then retreated to a table so they could talk.  Kerrigan hadn’t spotted Cody anywhere.

The girls were giving Ford all the details of their day.  Stacy teasing Kerrigan about how she had cried slightly when they cut her hair off.  Ford’s response had been a laugh, followed by a “Why’d you cut it if you didn’t want to?”  And Kerrigan had simply stated, she needed a change, which he seemed to understand and accept.  If only OTHER people could be that understanding.

They were all three laughing at some story Stacy had just told about Lance, after Kerrigan had told her about him saying she wasn’t as calm as she pretended to be around their Mother, when Cody walked up to the table.

“Excuse me.” he said gaining their attention.  “Hey, Kerrigan.  I thought that was you from across the room, but I wasn’t sure.  You cut your hair?”

Kerrigan looked up at him and smiled.  “Yeah.  I just did it today.”

“Well, it looks really nice.” he smiled down at her.

Stacy eyed the too with a smirk.  Undoubtedly from the look on Kerrigan’s face, this was the guy she had told her about.

Stacy cleared her throat to gain Kerrigan’s attention and then gave her a look that told her to introduce them.

“Oh, I’m sorry.  Um…Cody this is Lance’s sister Stacy and her husband Ford.  Stace, Ford this is Cody.  He’s part of the lighting crew.”

Cody smiled at Stacy and Ford.  “Nice to meet you both.” he said, extending his hand to shake theirs.

Ford nodded and said a “Nice to meet you.” While Stacy smiled widely at him and also said “Nice to meet you.”

Cody smiled in return at Stacy, before turning his attention back to Kerrigan.  “Do you think I could talk to you for a sec.  I don’t wanna pull you away from your friends, but it wont take long.”

“Oh, don’t mind us.  We were just going to go dance.” Stacy said, getting up and grabbing Ford by his arm.  He gave her a surprised look, but then knew from the expression her face that she was up to something and that it would be best for him to just go along with it.  So he said a quick “goodbye” to Cody and Kerrigan and then followed Stacy off to the dance floor.

Kerrigan looked up to Cody.  “You can sit down if you want.”

Cody nodded and quickly took the seat next to her.  His eyes traveling over her as he did so.  She looked different than she normally did, and it wasn’t just the hair.

It was everything.  There was this glow about her that he hadn’t seen before.  She looked really happy.  But he also noticed that she was dressed a lot differently that she normally was.  And that she was also wearing a bit of makeup, which he’d never seen her do before.

“You look really pretty tonight.  I think the new haircut suits you.” he smiled.

Kerrigan blushed slightly.  Thankful that it was somewhat dark in the club and that he hopefully couldn’t tell.  “Thanks.  I just needed a change.”

“Well, it’s a real nice change.” he said staring at her with a slight smile.

“Thank you.” she smiled.

They were quiet for a moment.  Cody was too busy taking in her full appearance.  He’d always thought she was a very pretty girl, but tonight she was down right beautiful.  He’d even go as far to say that she was hot, in her little red baby doll midriff, and snug low rise jeans.

The new clothes were really flattering on her.  She had a nice body and an incredible stomach, which he’d gotten a glimpse of the night she’d gotten her navel pierced.  But now she was actually wearing something that would show off her impeccable figure, rather than hiding it under a bunch of frumpy clothing.

“So are you having fun?” he asked finally, breaking the silence.

“Yeah, I’m having a good time.  You?”

“Better now that I know you’re here.” he winked at her.

Kerrigan knew she was blushing profusely now.  No one had EVER said anything like that to her.  At least not in the way he meant it.  And she was again thanking God that it was dark in the club, so he couldn’t see the redness in her cheeks.

Trying to contain her composure, Kerrigan changed the subject.  “You said you wanted to talk to me about something?”

“Oh, yeah.  Sorry I pretty much forgot all about that, after getting a good look at you.” he smiled.  “Actually, what I wanted to talk to you about was….well….I was gonna see if maybe you wanted to go out sometime?  You know like on a date.  Just me and you.”

Kerrigan allowed his question to sink in.  He had just asked her out!  The whole makeover thing had worked.  He really did like her and this was all the proof that she needed.  “Sure.  Um…what did you have in mind?” she asked sheepishly.  She was new at this whole thing and wasn’t really sure of what she was supposed to say.

“Well, I thought maybe we could go out for dinner and a movie or something.  Maybe tomorrow night?  I mean I know we gotta leave early the following morning, but we shouldn’t be out too late.”

“Ok.  That sounds like fun.” she smiled, again blushing.  God, she felt like a girl.  And that thought made her smile even bigger.

Cody returned her smile.  “Great.  Well, I have some work to do over at the venue tomorrow morning.  So how about I pick you up at your room around six?  We’ll go grab a bite to eat and then head over to the movies.”

“That’ll work.” Kerrigan nodded, still smiling.  She couldn’t stop.

“Ok, then.” Cody grinned.  He hadn’t been sure if she would say yes to his offer.  He thought for sure Justin would have given her the third degree about staying away from him, and since he hadn’t really seen her around the last week too much, he was beginning to think he’d been right.  But instead he’d been very wrong, or so it seemed because she had actually agreed to go out with him.  His night was now looking up.

“Was that it then?” Kerrigan asked, when Cody didn’t say anything else.  There was this weird, awkward silence and she just needed to break it.

“Yeah, that was it.  I guess I’ll let you go back to your friends.  I need to get back over to the guys anyways.  But I’ll see you tomorrow though.” he smiled, as he stood up.

“Ok.  See ya tomorrow.” Kerrigan smiled, giving him a little wave as he backed away from the table.

Cody smiled and then winked at her before turning and heading back over to his friends across the room.  And Kerrigan was ready to die.  There was just something about that guy that got to her.  She found him incredibly sexy, which was odd for her because she’d never really had thoughts or felt the way she was feeling at the moment.

There was this excitement building inside of her and she didn’t understand where it was coming from or why it was there all of the sudden out of nowhere.  But she wasn’t going to question it.  It felt good, and like the saying goes.  If it isn’t broke, don’t try to fix it.  And Kerrigan wasn’t sure that she’d want to fix it, even it if were broke.
 
 

Chapter 14

“How did you find out that Kerrigan was down at the pool?” Trace asked, as he, Justin, JC and Joey made their way down the hallway of the hotel that would lead them to the indoor pool.

“Rob said she had come down a little bit ago with Stacy, Lance and Chris.” Justin replied, pulling the door open and holding it so the others could walk in ahead of him.

“Seems like Rob’s becoming the go to person on locating Kerrigan these days.” Trace stated.

“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.  I mean is it really so hard for her to pick up the phone and call one of us?” Justin asked, following the guys in.

JC looked at the two as if they were insane.  “You two don’t really expect her to check in with you like she’s a lil’ kid do you?”

Both were silent and Joey laughed.  “That would be your yes, JC.”

“You two need to quit treating her like a little kid and then maybe she would call you.  I know I wouldn’t bother calling anyone to check in with them or let them know I was going out if they were just going to give me some lecture and whine about it.”

“We don’t whine about it.” Trace defended, and JC gave him a disbelieving look.  “We don’t!” he restated.

“Whatever.  Just don’t go in here and start on her.  All you guys do anymore is argue and it’s starting to get on my nerves.  Kerrigan’s not a kid.  She’s a grown woman and old enough to make her own choices and decisions.  The sooner you two shape up and realize that, the better off you’ll be.” he said, walking off and going to join the others that were already seated around the pool.

Trace and Justin stood there and looked at each other, but neither said anything.  Joey merely looked at them, shook his head and laughed before he walked off to follow JC.  Trace and Justin quickly following as well.

As they were walking up to the pool, Justin noticed Chris and Kerrigan playing around in the pool while Stacy and Lance were sitting on some lawn chairs off to the side.  He and the others couldn’t help but to laugh at Chris and Kerrigan’s antics.

Chris was trying his hardest to dunk Kerrigan, but as usual she had the upper hand on him.  And was merely laughing in his face as she once again shoved his head under the water when he advanced towards her.

Justin admired their friendship.  They’d been close since he had first introduced them all those years ago.  Their senses of humor were a lot alike in many was, and he guessed that’s why they got along so well.  That and Kerrigan was always up for being Chris’ partner in crime.  Everyone thought that Chris and Justin were an awful team when it came to pranks, but really the ones you had to watch out for was Chris and Kerrigan.  They were the worst.

There was even one point in time where Justin had thought that perhaps Chris and Kerrigan were crushing on each other or something because they were so close.  Naturally Justin being the concerned, overprotective friend he was had gone to Chris and asked him about it.  Chris had laughed at the idea and assured Justin that Kerrigan was nothing more to him than another little sister.

It was times like right then that Justin was amazed their friendship had lasted as long as it did.  They bickered and argued so much about stupid things, yet their friendship was as strong as ever.  And he truly felt blessed to have her in his life.  Just watching her be so carefree and having a good time.  Hearing her laugh and seeing her incredible smile spread across her face.

He really wanted to kick himself for ignoring her the way he had been lately.  She’d always been there for him no matter what.  And he had failed to do the same for her.  She was going through some major changes in her life, and instead of being a friend by her side to help her through it.  He was giving her a hard time.

Well, that all stopped there.  He didn’t want to argue with her anymore.  Not about her clothing or her hair.  Things that didn’t really matter.  He just wanted things to get back to the way they used to be.  When they could just hang out and have a good time.  When she would come to him with any problems she had.  And he was going to make all of that happen.  The ball was in his hands now.

Justin walked over to the edge of the pool.  “Is she getting the best of ya old man?” he hollered at Chris.

Chris flipped Justin the bird, not taking his eyes off Kerrigan for a second.  He knew if he looked away she’d charge him and he’d be under water again.

“Do you give up yet?” she asked, with a cocky smile on her face.

“NEVER!” Chris yelled defiantly, ducking under the water.

Kerrigan looked around trying to see which direction Chris had gone.  Then she caught him coming her way.  But before she had a chance to react and swim away, he grabbed her by her legs and pulled her under the water.

Justin laughed as Kerrigan resurfaced, spluttering a variety of swear words at Chris, who was quickly swimming for the ladder to exit the pool.  He knew that was the only time he was going to catch Kerrigan slipping up and he was not sticking around for her to get her revenge.

Kerrigan spotted Chris as he reached the ladder and began to climb out of the pool and she was hot on his heals.  She swam quickly across the pool to the ladder and began to climb out, as Chris took off on foot.

Justin and the other guys were laughing hysterically at the two as Kerrigan chased Chris around the pool area, yelling at him.  Chris then headed their way and ducked in behind Justin for protection.

“Don’t let her kill me, JuJu!  You guys need me. Nobody can hit the high notes like I can.” Chris said, holding Justin in front of him for protection.

However, Kerrigan was not deterred.  She marched over to where Chris was hiding behind Justin and went to grab for him, but Chris quickly turned Justin’s body so she couldn’t reach him.  It was then, when Kerrigan was standing right in front of him, her body practically pressed up against his as she attempted to reach around him for Chris, that he realized what Kerrigan was wearing.  A two piece swim suit.

A tiny little black two piece swim suit to be more specific.

Justin froze.  He’d NEVER seen Kerrigan in anything that skimpy.  She’d always worn one piece suits before when they had gone swimming.  He was seeing more of her than he’d EVER seen before.  Her long lean legs, her toned stomach, her nearly bare chest.

Noticing Justin’s rigid stance, Kerrigan stepped back and looked at him oddly.  “You ok?”

His first thoughts were to grab a towel to cover her and ask her what the hell she was wearing, but he quickly bit his tongue before the words could escape his mouth.  He’d just stood there telling himself how he was going to stop giving her a hard time about stuff, and here he was ready to lay into her again.

Instead, he shook it off and shrugged at her.  “I’m fine.  You ok?”

Kerrigan eyed him suspiciously.  He was acting funny.  “I’m fine too.”

“Good.  We’re both fine.” he said, and then extracted himself from Chris’ clutches to go sit down on a lounge chair.  He needed to put as much distance between Kerrigan and himself as he could.

There was no denying she had a great body.  A very womanly body.  And him being a man, his body was trying desperately to respond to that.  But Justin wasn’t going to allow it.  This was Kerrigan, not some girl on the street he had just met.  He sat there silently chanting in his head, “It’s Kerrigan.  It’s Kerrigan.” over and over in hopes that it would help.

When Justin walked away, Kerrigan just shrugged it off.  She noticed Chris was standing there scowling at Justin’s back, not paying attention so she took advantage of her opportunity and gave him a swift push into the pool.  “How you like me now?” she smirked at him when he resurfaced.

Meanwhile, Justin was still sitting in his chair studying Kerrigan, as he continued to chant his little mantra in his head.  He watched her as she stood on the edge of the pool with her hands planted on her hips, looking down at Chris.

He couldn’t get over the swim suit.  It wasn’t as skimpy as some of the suits he’d seen, but it was little enough in his book.  The bottoms of the suit were like boy shorts, and the top reminded him an awful lot of a sports bra, in the way that the upper strap rapped around her neck.  Only this top plunged down deep, and showed her cleavage.  Kerrigan has cleavage, he thought.

And at that thought he again mentally started to repeat his mantra.  “It’s Kerrigan.  It’s Kerrigan.”

As if reading Justin’s mind, Trace looked over at him.  “You’re pissed about the suit aren’t you?”

Justin’s head snapped around to look at Trace.  “Huh?”

Trace eyed him.  “The suit.  You’re pissed about it, aren’t you?”

“I’m not pissed.” Justin defended.

“Suuuure, you aren’t.” Trace nodded.

“I’m not.  Just a lil’ shocked is all.” Justin shrugged, trying to play it off.  But Trace knew him too well.

“Well, she does have a hot lil’ body.” Trace smirked and Justin glared at him.  “Aw, don’t give me that look.  You were thinking the same damn thing.  I saw the way you was looking at her.  The way your eyes were wandering over her figure.  So don’t even try to play that.”

“Well, what else was I supposed to look at?  She’s not wearing any fucking clothes.” Justin grumbled quietly, in hopes that no one would hear him.

Trace laughed at Justin’s remark.  “I’m not even gonna touch that one.” he said, leaning back into his chair.  A huge devious grin on his face.

Justin didn’t say anything at Trace’s remark.  He instead decided to busy himself with a different conversation.  Turning to Stacy who was seated on the other side of him, he said.  “So, Stace.  How’ve you been lately?”

A couple hours later Justin stirred from his sleep.  After talking briefly to Stacy he’d gotten in the pool for a little bit and horsed around with Chris and Kerrigan.  He was desperately trying to act like there was nothing unusual about Kerrigan wearing a suit like that.  And even more desperately trying to forget that she was wearing a suit like that.

After a short time in the pool, he had excused himself and gone back to his lawn chair to rest.  At some point while he was laying there going over everything that had happened lately in his head, he had fallen asleep.

And now he was waking up to Joey and Chris’ loud laughter and the sound of someone splashing around in the pool.

Justin turned his head to the left where Trace had been sitting earlier, but his chair was empty.  So then he looked to his right, to where Stacy had been earlier, again empty.  He sighed to himself wondering where everyone was and finally sat up and looked around the pool.

Trace, Lance and Stacy were no where to be found, so Justin figured they must of left and headed back into the hotel.  Looking to the one end of the pool that was in front of him, he saw Joey, Chris and JC in the shallow end laughing and messing around.  It seemed that both Chris and Joey were teaming up on a defenseless JC and splashing the hell out of him.  That brought a smile to Justin’s face.

Then Justin’s eyes traveled to the other end of the pool in search of Kerrigan, and there she was.  Sitting on the edge of the pool, her legs dangling into the water talking to someone.

Justin didn’t recognize who it was.  It couldn’t be one of the guys, because all the guys with brown hair were at the other end of the pool.  And he knew it wasn’t Trace, he could tell by the hair.  But when Kerrigan laughed and splashed water at the person, the guy quickly turning to block his face Justin seen that it was Cody.

A feeling of anger creped up inside of him.  He did not like this guy at all, and it seemed like every time he turned around anymore the guy was there either talking to Kerrigan or watching her from afar.

He’d seen them talking at the club the night before.  And he’d been about to go over to see what was going on, but Cody hadn’t stayed very long so he didn’t bother.  But he was really getting tired of the guy just hovering around Kerrigan.  He was beginning to think he was going to have to fire the guy to keep him away from her.  He didn’t want to have to do that, but he would if not given any other choice.  He just had a feeling that the guy was trouble and he didn’t want Kerrigan getting mixed up with that and getting hurt.

Getting up Justin made his way slowly around to the side of the pool Kerrigan was seated on.  He approached her from behind, and locked eyes with Cody who obviously seen him approaching.  Justin grabbed Kerrigan by her shoulders, acting as if he was going to shove her into the pool.  “Don’t fall in.” he told her with a smirk.

Kerrigan looked up at him with a smile on her face.  “Then don’t push me in dumbass.”

Justin gave her a hurt look as he sat down beside her on the edge of the pool.  “Why I gotta be a dumbass?”

“Because you act like one?” Kerrigan shrugged.

“Kerr, you break my heart.” he said sarcastically, giving her a pout.

Kerrigan rolled her eyes at him.  She hated when he gave her the pout and he knew it.  “Fine. You’re not a dumbass.”

“Awww…thanks Kerr.” he said, laying his head on her shoulder like a little kid.

Kerrigan looked over at him and gave him a funny look, as Justin grinned up at her from her shoulder.  “So you finally woke up?” she asked.

Justin sighed.  “Yeah.  I was more tired than I thought.  You and Chris wore me out earlier with your antics.”

Kerrigan grinned at Justin’s statement.  “You’re such a big baby.”

“Well, will you be my mommy then?” Justin whined.

Kerrigan rolled her eyes at Justin’s childness.  It was annoying as hell when he acted like that but she’d be lying if she tried to claim that she didn’t find it cute as well.  “You’re on crack, Justin.”

Justin jerked his head up from her shoulder, wearing an offended/shocked face.  “You’re just full of insults today.”

Kerrigan smirked at him.  “I learned it from you.”

This time Justin rolled his eyes at Kerrigan.  He loved when they played around like this.  He’d even forgotten that Cody was there.  Until of course Cody spoke up.

“Well, I think I’m gonna head back up to my room.” he said, shifting in the water as he kicked to stay afloat.

Kerrigan’s attention quickly shifted from Justin to Cody.  “Oh, ok.”

“It’s just I’m kind of tired from all the lifting and stuff this morning.  I figured I’d lay down for a bit and grab a quick nap before we head out tonight.”

Justin sat there annoyed.  He was no longer getting Kerrigan’s attention and this guy was going on and on about being tired.  He wished he’d hurry up and leave already.

“Ok, well I’ll talk to you later then.” Kerrigan smiled.

“Ok.” Cody smiled back at her, then turning to swim over to the latter.  He climbed out of the pool and grabbed a towel to quickly dry himself off.

Justin glanced at him and then looked over at Kerrigan to see her blatantly staring at Cody as he dried himself off.  Smiling appreciatively.

Justin groaned inwardly.  Cody had been right, she did like him.  He turned and scowled at Cody’s back.  “Bye, Cody.” he said flatly.

Cody turned and looked at Justin.  He didn’t miss the angry glare he was shooting his way, but instead of retorting what his mind was telling him too, he smiled at Justin and said “Later, Justin” and then turned his attention to Kerrigan.  “I’ll see YOU tonight.” he smiled, as he walked off.

“See ya.” Kerrigan said, with a little wave.

Justin’s jaw dropped.  See her tonight?  Did they have plans or something?  When Cody had said he wanted to get a nap before heading out later that night, he thought he meant that the crew was heading out early.  Sometimes they would leave ahead of the guys, but apparently Justin had been wrong on that assumption.

“Tonight?  What’s going on tonight?” he asked, turning to Kerrigan.  And Kerrigan blushed.  She actually blushed and Justin couldn’t believe it.

“Oh, um…we kinda…well, we have a date.” she stuttered.

Justin’s eyes grew big.  “A date?”

“Yeah, he’s taking me to dinner and a movie.” she shrugged, getting up from the side of the pool.

Justin was quick to get to his feet as well.  “You mean he actually asked you out?” he asked in astonishment.

Kerrigan glared at him, obviously offended by his statement.  “Why wouldn’t he ask me out?” she demanded.

Justin shook his head, running his hand over his face and through his hair.  “I didn’t mean it like that, Kerr.  I just meant, like he asked you out.  When did this happen?  Where the hell was I?”

“He asked me last night at the club.” she said, as she walked over to the chair where her stuff was folded neatly.

“And you’re going to go out with him?” he asked incredulously, as he watched her slip her yoga pants on over her swim suit bottoms.

“Yeah, I am.  Why?”

Justin stood there for a moment trying to think of a valid reason why she shouldn't.  “Well, you don’t really know him that well.”

Kerrigan paused as she was about to pull her t-shirt over her head.  “Well, that’s how you get to know people, right?  You spend time with them?” she said, then proceeding to pull the shirt over her head.  Completely missing the frustrated look that passed over Justin’s face.

“I guess.” Justin said, mentally telling himself that he was not going to freak out over this and throw a fit.  He had sworn he wasn’t going to say anything.  That he was going to keep his mouth shut.

Kerrigan smiled at Justin.  She knew he was just being his overprotective self and she appreciated it, but it wasn’t necessary.  “Well, Justin I’m gonna head back up to my room.  I need to get a shower and stuff.  He’s picking me up at six, and this is my first official date so I need to figure out what I’m going to wear and stuff like that.”

“You wear clothes.” Justin deadpanned.

“I knew that much.  But like what do girls wear to dinner and a movie?” she asked more to herself than to him.

“Clothes.” Justin repeated, fighting an inner battle within himself.

“You’re a lot of help, J.” Kerrigan rolled her eyes at him, as she picked up her other belongings.  “I’ll just go ask Stacy.  I think she’s up in Lance’s room.  She’ll know what to do.”

And that was it.  Justin couldn’t take it anymore.  To hell with not throwing a fit.  This was fit necessary.  But before he even got the chance to start to tell her just how much he didn’t approve of her going out with Cody, or how much he didn’t like the guy.  Kerrigan smiled at him, gave him a quick hug and skipped off, calling a “See ya later, J.” over her shoulder.
 

Chapter 15

Kerrigan was smiling as she and Cody entered the hotel after their date.  They’d had a good time.  Cody had taken her to eat at a little pizzeria place one of the hotel staff had told him about and then they’d gone to the movies.

At first it was really awkward for Kerrigan.  She’d had a couple boyfriends in High School, but they were never real relationships.  Never went on a real date.  Nothing like this.  And to say she was nervous was putting it mildly.  But after they got to the restaurant and ordered and actually got into a conversation, the tension and awkwardness seemed to just melt away.  She felt completely at ease around him, and they seemed to have a lot in common.

The night only got better from there.  They finished their dinner and then headed to the movies.  They decided on an action flick that was playing, and then headed inside.  Cody got them a small tub of popcorn, since neither were really hungry, having just ate, and some soda’s and then they went to find their seats.

The theater was nearly empty, but they chose to sit in the back of the theater.  It was just what Kerrigan was used to.  Going to the movies with Justin was no simple task, and they always ended up in the back row.  And of course Cody didn’t have a problem with sitting in the back, but his reasoning was that of male reasoning.

At some point during the movie, although Kerrigan couldn’t really remember for sure what point that was, Cody had taken hold of her hand.  And that’s how they sat throughout the remaining portion of the movie, fingers interlocked with each others.  It made Kerrigan a little nervous at first, because she wasn’t used to this kind of treatment, but at the same time it felt right, so she didn’t fight it.

And now they were back at the hotel.  They had talked the whole way back from the movie theater.  About everything and anything.  Her friendship with Justin was discussed, because it was noted by Cody that she brought him up a lot.  But as Kerrigan had defended, when you spend so much time with one person they happen to be a part of a lot of your past experiences and memories.  So it was only normal that his name would come up a lot.  At least that was her reasoning for it.

She couldn’t help but get the feeling that Cody was somewhat jealous of Justin.  Or at least she got that impression when he asked about why she talked about him so much.  There was just something about the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes when he had asked.  And though something inside of her told her she should be a little leery of that, she was more intrigued by it.  It made her feel important.  Appreciated.  Wanted.

They were still holding hands when they made their way off of the elevator and started their way down the long corridor that would lead to Kerrigan’s Hotel room.  She had told him it wasn’t necessary to walk her to her room, but Cody had insisted.  He had picked her up from her room, he was going to take her back to her room.

When they finally reached the door, Kerrigan dug into the back pocket of her jeans to pull out her key card, and then looked up at Cody.  “Well, I had a lot of fun tonight.  Thank you for dinner and the movie.” she smiled.

“It was my pleasure.  We’ll have to do this again sometime.  Except next time I’ll take you somewhere a lil’ nicer than a pizzeria.” he laughed.

“I happen to love pizza.  It was fine.”

“Still.  I’d like to take you somewhere a little nicer next time.  A little more upscale if you know what I mean.” he said, looking into her eyes.

Kerrigan smiled in response, but couldn’t form any words.  When he looked at her the way he was doing at that very moment, she just went all blank on the inside.  She couldn’t form any thoughts, let alone any comprehendible words.  He was looking at her in a way she had longed for.  There was desire in his eyes.  Something she hadn’t seen in a guys eyes before, at least not reflecting back at herself.  And it gave her goose bumps.

“Well, it’s getting late, I better let you get some sleep.” Cody said, finally breaking the silence.  “We all got an early start in the morning.”

“Yeah.” Kerrigan smiled, she didn’t know what else to say or do.

“Ok, well then I’ll talk to you in the next city?”

“Of course.”

“Ok.” he said, still staring at her.  He wanted to kiss her so badly.  He’d wanted to all night long, but had never felt that it was the right time.  And it was now or never.

Kerrigan watched as Cody slightly licked his lips, continuing to star at her.  He gave her a slight grin, moving his hand up to caress her cheek.  He softly ran his thumb back and forth over her cheek a couple times before he finally started to lean in towards her.

Following her instincts, Kerrigan began to lean into him as well, her eyes drifting shut.  A thousand emotions coursing through her body at that moment in expectation. She couldn’t believe this was finally happening.  That this incredible man before her actually liked her and wanted to kiss her.  It was like it wasn’t real at all.  Like it was all a dream.

Until of course his lips finally met hers, in a soft, brief kiss.

Cody pulled back slightly to see the expression on her face.  She was wearing the faintest of smiles, and when her eyes slowly fluttered open there was this sparkle in them that pleased him very much.

As he began to lean back into her, he softly whispered, “I really like you, Kerrigan.” before his lips met hers once again.  Only this time the kiss was a little more intense.  And no where near as brief as the previous one.  But at the same time it was a sweet kiss.

When they finally broke apart, Kerrigan looked up and smiled at him.  “I like you too.” she replied.

“Good.  I’m glad the feelings are mutual.” Cody smiled.  “But I should really go now.  I didn’t realize we had an audience when we got off the elevator.”

“An audience?” Kerrigan questioned, looking down to the end of the hall.  Where she saw Joey, Chris, Trace, Justin, JC and Lance standing there, staring at them.  Blank expressions on their faces.  Or more accurately, shocked expressions.

“Oh, man.  I’m never gonna hear the end of this.” Kerrigan groaned looking down to the floor.

“What do you mean?” Cody asked, confused.

“They’re gonna tease me about this forever.” she sighed.

“It’ll be alright.  Just ignore them.” Cody grinned.

Kerrigan bit her lip, trying to ignore the guys presence at the end of the hall.  She could tell they were still watching them.  She could feel their eyes burning a hole into the side of her head.  “Ok, well I’ll see you later then.”

“Alright.  Goodnight, Kerrigan.” Cody whispered, leaning in to give her one more brief kiss on the lips before he turned and headed down the hall to the elevators.

Kerrigan stood there and watched him walk down the hall.  She was glad she didn’t have to go with him, because he was going in the same direction that the guys were in.  And there was no way she could face them right now, she was too embarrassed.

So she quickly turned, ran her key card through the door mechanism and when she saw the green light, she bolted into her room.  Totally missing the way the guys were all staring at Cody as he simply looked over at them and smirked before he stepped onto the elevator.

Justin stood there in a mixture of shock and anger.  He wasn’t sure which emotion was raging the strongest inside of him, but he knew they were both there.

For some reason it was just really weird for him to see Kerrigan kissing a guy.  He’d never been around when she was in high school for any of her high school boyfriends, so he’d never been privy to any of that.  So to see some guy all up on her, kissing her the way Cody had been it was just weird.  Especially, to see Kerrigan reacting to his kiss.

And then there was that smirk that was on Cody’s face as he got onto the elevator.  Justin knew it was directed towards him.  The guy was trying to prove some kind of point or something and Justin knew it.  Causing his apprehensions for Cody to grow.

Chris could tell by the look on Justin’s face that he was about ready to explode.  And the rest of the guys were just standing there in a shocked silence.  None of them had expected to see that.  And though it was weird for Justin, it was also weird for all of the guys.  They’d all thought of Kerrigan as a little sister over the years, and none of them, with the exception of Trace had ever seen Kerrigan kissing anyone.  So to say the least, it was just a little weird for them.

But Chris could tell Justin was fuming.  Justin had stated to him that he didn’t like Cody.  That there was something about the guy that he just didn’t like.  And while Chris at first just figured it to be some kind of jealousy.  Or Justin’s ever present protective streak coming out, he now saw what it was Justin was talking about.

That smirk on Cody’s face was one of triumph.  Like he’d just proven something.  Or done something he knew he wasn’t supposed to have done.  And he had directed that smirk specifically to Justin.  It was almost like a challenge.  A challenge that Chris knew Justin would not let slide.  Especially, since it was concerning Kerrigan.

Trying to break the silence and hoping to calm Justin in some way before he blew up and made a complete ass out of himself, Chris spoke.  “Well guys, it’s late we should all probably hit the sack.  We gotta get up early tomorrow.”

All the guys mumbled their agreement to that statement.  All but Justin.  He was just standing there.  Staring down the hallway.

“J, you gonna hit the sack?” Chris persisted.

“I need to go talk to Kerrigan, then I’ll crash.” he said as he started to make his way down the hall.

Chris looked to Trace, who was merely shaking his head in disapproval.  He knew all too well what Justin’s little talk with Kerrigan would do.  If he went down there and started spouting off at the mouth, like he had a tendency to do when he was angry, then all hell would break loose.

JC caught the looks being passed back and forth between Chris and Trace, which was a silent war of who was going to stop him and took off down the hall after Justin.   “J, why don’t you talk to her in the morning.  I’m sure she’s tired after her date, so why don’t you just let her sleep.”

Yikes!  Wrong wording, JC quickly realized when Justin spun around on his heal to glare at him.

“What do you mean, she’s probably tired from her date?  Are you suggesting that something happened?” Justin spat angrily.

“Justin, I did not mean it like that.  I was simply saying that it’s late, and she’s probably tired.  We both know Kerrigan, and we both know better than to think THAT of her.”  JC defended.

“Yeah, well I didn’t think she’d be making out with some guy in the hotel hallway either, but she just was!”

“Justin.” JC said shaking his head solemnly at him.  “They kissed.  It happens all the time.  It was the end of their date, he kissed her goodnight.  It’s not like you don’t know how that stuff goes.  You’ve been on enough dates to know how it works.  Why are you getting so upset about this?  It was bound to happen sooner or later.  Kerrigan, is a beautiful woman.  Guys are ALWAYS looking at her.  I can’t believe it’s taken this long for one to ask her out.  And although you may not agree with her choice, it is just that.  Her choice.  You can’t make these decisions for her.  And if you go in there right now and start spouting off about how much you dislike the guy, and how wrong he is for her, then you’re just going to create more problems.  Wait until tomorrow.  Cool off, and then talk to her about it.”

“You don’t understand, JC.  There’s something about that guy.  I don’t trust him.  And I don’t want to see Kerr get hurt.  I need to put a stop to this now, while I still can.”

“I care about Kerrigan too, J.  We all do.  She’s like our little sister and I don’t want to see her get hurt anymore than you do.  But again it’s her choice to make, not yours.  And while I can honestly say that I now share your feeling of mistrust for the guy, I still must insist that you not go in there and yell at her about it.  Or scold her about it.  If you do, you’ll push her straight into his arms.”

“What do you mean, push her straight into his arms?” Justin asked, confused.

“It’s a well known fact, that people have a tendency to rebel when being told not to do something.  You tell them not to do it, so they do it anyways.  The more you insist for her to stay away from him, the more likely she is to get closer to him.  Just ask Chris.  He was the psychology major.”

“I don’ think so.  Kerrigan and me are close.  She’ll listen to me.  She always does.  She trusts my judgment.” Justin insisted.

“That may have been true in the past or with other things Justin, but this is different.  This is a guy we’re talking about.  Her first real boyfriend I guess you could say in a way.  And it’s different with that stuff.  I mean look at you.” JC said, motioning towards Justin.

“What about me?”

“One name.  Britney!  We all told you not to get involved with her like that.  But did you listen?  No!  The more we told you to stay away, the closer you got.  I guarantee you, if you try that with Kerrigan it’s gonna backfire in your face.  So just try a different approach.  Just go with it.  Hell, it may not even last that long.  Do you really wanna risk messing up the friendship you have with her, over something that could be nothing at all?”

Justin sighed.  JC presented several very valid points.  Even though Justin would never openly admit it, he had to concede within himself that JC was right about that one thing.  The guys had all told him to stay away from Britney.  To not cross that friendship line with her, but the more they had told him to stay away, the more he wanted her.  It was that all time cliché.  You always wanted what you couldn’t have.  And the more people told you not to do it, or you couldn’t have it, the more you wanted it.  And there was no way he was going to push Kerrigan any further into Cody’s arms.  No way in hell.

“I see what you’re saying, JC.  But what the hell do I do in the mean time.  Just grin and bear it, when I know the guy is gonna hurt her?  I mean what in the hell am I supposed to do?  She’s my friend.  My best friend, and it’s my job to protect her the best I can.”

“But Justin how are you supposed to protect her if you get her pissed off at you?  If you go and start running your mouth and mess up your friendship?  Then what?”

Justin looked down at his shoes.  Again, JC was right.  He really hated when he was right.  “FINE!  I won't say anything.  But I’m gonna be watching that guy really close.  And if he makes one wrong move, I swear to God I’m gonna eat him alive!”

“And I’ll be right there with you, buddy.  Like I said, I care about Kerrigan too.  She’s like my lil’ sister.  You don’t fuck with my sister!” JC grinned.

Finally a smile spread across Justin’s face.  “I believe you, C.  I still can’t forget the way you tortured that one guy that screwed over Heather.  I swear you were like a different person.  I’d never seen that side of you before.”

“Well, as long as no other guys do that to Heather or Kerrigan for that matter, you wont have to.  But it is there and waiting to come out if the need arises!” JC said growing serious.

“Thanks man.  I’m glad you talked me down.  Cause I was so ready to storm in there and tell her that she could never see him again.  And I already know the first words that woulda come out of her mouth.  “You’re not my dad!  You can’t tell me what to do!”  I swear that’s like her favorite thing to say.”

“Well, she has a point man.  You’re not her Dad.  You’re her friend.  And sometimes that requires just standing by and letting your friends make their own mistakes, but to be there to help them pick up the pieces afterwards.  Life’s all about learning, Justin.  You can’t deny her that.”

“I can try.” he grinned.

“Yeah, you can.  But I know Kerrigan.  And you WON'T succeed!” JC laughed.

“Too true!” Justin too laughed.

“OK, so are you two done with your little pep talks, so we can all go to bed now?” Joey asked from a few feet away.  Justin and JC had been so caught up in their conversation, they hadn’t noticed that the others had approached to see what was going on.

“Yeah, we’re done here.  Let’s head to bed.  We do have to get up early in the morning.” Justin said, heading for his room.

Chris stopped and plastered a disbelieving look on his face.  “In all my years, I NEVER thought I’d hear Justin utter those words.”

“Yeah, well I’m just full of surprised tonight.” Justin smirked.
 
 

Chapter 16

Justin walked to the back of the bus where Kerrigan was sitting off to the side on one of the two sofas, listening to her Discman.  She appeared to be lost in thought, just staring off into space.

And that she was.  Completely lost in thought.  Her mind kept replaying the events of the night before.  Dinner.  The movies.  That kiss.  She could not get over that kiss for anything.  It had been incredible.  Her body had erupted in tiny shivers when Cody had kissed her.  She had never experienced anything like that before.  Therefore, it was completely lodged in her brain.

Unfortunately for her, so was the humiliation of looking down the hall to realize that all the guys had been witness to the kiss.  She was thoroughly embarrassed and had just been waiting when they got up that morning to leave, for one of them or all of them to make some comment about it.

But surprisingly enough, none of them did.  They didn’t even mention it.  That had totally shocked Kerrigan right out of the water, but she wasn’t about to bring it up and ask why they hadn’t said anything.  That would just be asking for trouble.

Kerrigan looked up and seen Justin standing in the doorway watching her.  She wondered how long he’d been standing there because she hadn’t noticed him until that moment.  She thought he was still up front playing video games with the other guys.

Turning the volume down on her Discman she looked over to him.  “What’s up?”

“Nothing.  Just thought I’d come back here and see what you were up to.  Got tired of playing that stupid game.” he said, taking a seat beside her on the sofa.

“Chris, beat you again, didn’t he?” she smirked.

Justin groaned, she knew him too well.  “Only because he cheated.”

“Justin, you’re such a sore loser.  We both know that he beat you fair and square, you just don’t wanna admit it.”

“Well, if I’m a sore loser it’s because I hardly ever lose!”

Kerrigan eyed him.  “Ego check!” she stated and Justin smirked.

“It’s the truth and you know it.”

“Whatever.” she shrugged.

“So what ya listening to?” he asked, nodding towards her Discman.

“Xscape.”

“Let me hear.” he said, motioning for her headphones.

Kerrigan pulled her headphones from her ears and passed them to Justin, who quickly slipped them on and listened for a brief moment before slipping them back off and handing them back to Kerrigan.

“I haven’t heard that song in forever.  What’s it called again?” he asked.

“Who Can I Run To.”

“Yeah, that’s it.  That used to be one of your favorite songs.  That and what was that other song?” he said, trying to remember.

“Understanding.” she supplied.

“Yeah, that one.  I remember when that song came out, Trace told me you about drove him crazy playing it all the time.”

“It’s was a good song.  Still is.” she shrugged.

Justin smiled.  “You remember when I brought you down to Florida to meet them as a late Birthday present.  That time when they were on MMC?”

“I’ll never forget it.  I was so excited.  Finally being your friend had some benefits to it.” she smirked.

“That’s fucked up, Kerr.” Justin glared at her.

Kerrigan started laughing.  “You know I’m just joking.” she said, playfully shoving him.  “I’ll always remember that trip.  I was so into Xscape and when you called me and told me you were going to get to meet them because they were going to be on the show, I was so jealous.  And then when you informed me that you and your mom were flying me down so I could be there and meet them.  I thought for sure I was going to die.  I was so excited!”

Justin grinned.  “Yeah, you were like smiling that whole day.  I don’t think that smile left your face for even one second.”

“I don’t think it did either.”

“But they were really cool gals.  So nice and down to earth.  I remember when I told them that my Best Friend was a fan and asked if I could bring you back to meet them, they were like “Sure.  Bring her back.”  They were so nice.”

“Yeah, they really were.  And so talented.  Those girls could sing!” Kerrigan nodded, still smiling at the memories.

“And they were a blast to work with too.  I remember when we were shooting that scene…”

Kerrigan cut him off.  “You mean your “BOOM BOOM, I LIKE EXPLOSIVES” scene?” she smirked.

“I didn’t write the stuff, OK?”

“Maybe not, but it did sound like something corny you would say.  Are you sure you didn’t help with your lines that day?” she continued to tease.

“Kerrigan, I had nothing to do with that and you know it.  They always came up with crazy shit for us to say on the show.  It was supposed to be funny.”

“Oh, it was funny alright.  You going on and on about how they should tell people that’s how they came up with their group name.  And you jumping around going “BOOM BOOM“.  You looked like a dork.” she laughed.

“Thanks for the support.” he groaned.

“Any time.” Kerrigan smirked.  She loved to tease him.  She had teased him mercilessly that day after the tapping of the many crazy skits he’d had to perform.  She watched the show faithfully, like any good friend would, but for some reason being there and seeing Justin do all that stuff in person was just too amusing to her.

“Anyways, that was a good day.  I got to meet Xscape and my Best Friend was there and got to meet them too.  So that was a good day for me.” Justin conceded, growing serious.

Kerrigan studied the sincerity in Justin’s eyes.  He could be a real sweetheart when he wanted to.  She was really lucky to have a friend like him, even if she didn’t think that all the time.  “Yeah, that was a good day.  For the same reasons you said.” she smiled.

“We had a lot of fun when you was there on that trip.  Wasn’t that also the first time you met JC?”

“Yeah.  That was the first time I got to come to the show.”

Justin sighed.  “All that stuff seems like so long ago.”

“That’s because it was, Justin.  But they’re great memories.”

“Yeah, they really are.” he smiled.

Kerrigan grinned.  “Especially, the memories of that other skit you did that day.  That theater thing.  It was you and Britney and you were showing off those stupid gadgets that you were supposed to use in the theater.”

“Oh, God.  Not that again.” he groaned.

“Well, it was!  How many takes did you guys go through to finally get that one scene with that stink gas stuff.  You and Brit just kept losing it and busting up laughing.  The director guy looked like he was ready to strangle the two of you.”

Justin looked down at his hands thinking back.  He’d had a lot of fun on The Mickey Mouse Club.  He got to act like a total goofball and got paid to do it.  And it was where he had met the girl, that he once thought to be the girl of his dreams.  But he’d found out recently that that was so not the case.  If only things were as simple now as they had been back then.

Kerrigan noticed the lost look on Justin’s face and immediately felt bad.  She wasn’t even thinking when she’d brought up all that stuff about him and Britney.  She knew it was a touchy subject and though he wasn’t necessarily showing it these days, he was still really hurting inside over their breakup.

He tried to be strong and act like a man.  He put on this act like it didn’t really bother him, but Kerrigan knew him too well.  She had been on the phone with him that night when he had called her in tears.  And Justin was not one to cry.  The girl had broken his heart.  He had truly loved her.  And there she went causing him to think back to better times, which inevitably would only remind him of the current bad times.

“J, I’m sorry.  I wasn’t thinking.  I shouldn’t have brought her up.” she apologized, running her hand up and down his back to comfort him.

“No, it’s ok Kerr.  I gotta learn to live with it eventually.  I mean she’s a part of my past, and I’m always going to be linked to her in some way or another because of all that.  It’s just hard ya know.  To think back to when life was so much simpler, but then to be reminded by the pain in my heart that it’s not that simple anymore.”

Those words broke Kerrigan’s heart.  Justin admitting his pain so openly with her.  Added with the tone of his voice when he said it, and she was ready to cry for him.  She just wanted to shield him from all the pain he was feeling.  If there was any way that she could just take it all away from him and put it on herself, she’d do it in a heartbeat.  But unfortunately she couldn’t do that.  The only thing she could do was try to comfort him the best she could.

“Still.  I’m sorry.”

Justin looked up at Kerrigan and smiled.  “It’s ok.  I know you’re gonna beat her ass for me someday.  It’s only a matter of time.”

“Oh, you know it.  I’m gonna rip the bitch’s hair out.” Kerrigan grinned.

“Who’s hair are you gonna rip out now?” Trace asked, walking into the back room.

“Britney’s” Justin supplied.

Trace gave Kerrigan a dirty look.  “Don’t start that shit again!”

“I didn’t start it.  Justin, brought it up.  We were talking and I brought up him and Brit on MMC, and I didn’t mean to and he told me it was ok because he knew I was gonna beat her ass for him someday.”

Trace looked at Justin this time.  “Man, do not encourage her!”

“Trace, you and I both know that one of these days it’s gonna happen.  We can only prevent the inevitable for so long.”

“You’re as bad as she is, I swear.” Trace sighed, throwing himself down on the sofa across from them.

“Am I wrong to wanna see her get her ass kicked for what she did to me?” Justin asked.

“I don’t think so!” Kerrigan piped up.

“You wouldn’t.’ Trace scowled at her.

“Oh, shut it.  You know you wanna hurt her too.  It’s just that you can’t because you’re a guy and that wouldn’t be right.  But I’m all woman baby, and I’m gonna beat her ass one of these days.” Kerrigan nodded proudly.

“You got me there to a degree, but let’s not dwell on that now.  Let’s dwell on a certain lip lock that occurred last night.” Trace smirked.  He knew exactly how to change the subject and take Kerrigan’s murderous thoughts off of Britney.

Kerrigan froze.  Oh, she was absolutely going to KILL Trace for bringing that up.  She’d thought they’d gotten past that since it hadn’t been mentioned that morning.  No such luck.

“You know what.  I’m suddenly very sleepy.  I’m gonna go take a nap.” she said standing.

“How convenient.” Trace said, continuing to smirk at her.

“It is, isn’t it.” she smiled, walking towards the door, but Justin’s voice stopped her.

“Kerrigan?”  She turned and looked at Justin.  “You know you don’t have to talk to us about it if you don’t want to.  Just be careful ok.  I mean you don’t know him that well yet, and we don’t either so just be careful.” he said seriously.

“But why do I need to be careful when I got you goons lookin’ out for me?” she smirked and then disappeared into the hallway.

She was being sarcastic, but if she only knew how much truth was really hidden in those words as Justin and Trace shared an understanding look.  They’d definitely be watching the guy.  And they’d be watching him closely.

Chapter 17

( 3 weeks later )

The last few weeks seemed to have flown by for Justin.  And there was only one week remaining of the tour.  He couldn’t believe that it was almost over already.  But at the same time he was ready for it to be over.  Ready to get back to Florida and put this whole experience behind him.

It was his hope that once they got back to Florida that Kerrigan and Cody would go their separate ways.  Until of course Justin found out that Cody was from Florida.  That had crushed his hopes all in one swift blow.

Then he tried to convince himself that once they got back to Florida and he didn’t have to be worried with the tour and he had more time, that Kerrigan would drop Cody.  He was hoping that in a way she was only using him to fill the time that she couldn’t be with Justin because he was too busy with everything.

At least that’s what he’d been hoping anyway.  From the looks of things he didn’t know what was going to happen.  Over the last few weeks Kerrigan and Cody had grown extremely close.  They’d been out on several other dates.  And they spent pretty much all of their spare time together.

It annoyed the hell out of Justin, because she insisted on bringing the guy along to everything that they did as a group.  If he and the guys were going out to a club and Kerrigan was going with them, as long as Cody didn’t have to work she was bringing him along.  She was declining to do stuff with Justin, so she could do things with Cody.  And he’d seen one too many of their make out sessions.  He was just fed up with the whole thing.

He’d been trying to play the whole ’just stand by and go with it’ approach, but it was seriously becoming a challenge for him to pretend to like the guy.  Or to even put up with his presence for that matter.

Kerrigan had changed immensely.  Sure, she was still his Kerr and they could still joke around and share all their zaniness, but she was acting so girly he couldn’t believe it.  Walking around in a daze.  Talking about Cody and something sweet he had done for her, nonstop.  Wearing dresses, which Justin NEVER thought he’d see.  He just couldn’t believe his eyes when he looked at her anymore.  It was almost like he didn’t even know her.

And Justin didn’t know what to do.  Kerrigan hadn’t said it, but he was pretty sure that she felt as if she was in love with Cody.  And Justin still didn’t trust the guy as far as he could throw him.  It was a hell of a situation and there didn’t appear to be any fixable answers.

And then there was Kerrigan’s Birthday that was coming up in a few days.  The guys were planning a big 21st Birthday bash for her.  Of course Cody would have to be there and Justin wasn’t too happy about that.  But there was no way that he was going to allow his dislike for the guy to come between him doing something special for his dear friend.

Justin was just at this point where he didn’t know what to do anymore.  If he spoke up about his dislike for Cody, he could possibly ruin his friendship with Kerrigan.  But at the same time just standing by and watching like he’d been doing over the last few weeks was literally driving him crazy.

He still couldn’t figure out what it was about Cody that unnerved him so.  The guy seemed to treat Kerrigan ok.  He’d never even seen him raise his voice to her.  And he was always doing things for her.  Taking her out.  Bringing her gifts.  He seemed to honestly really care about her.  But there was still just this nagging feeling in Justin’s gut that told him something wasn’t right.  He didn’t know what that something was, but there was definitely something.

But all he could do in the meantime was to just sit back and wait.  Wait for what he inevitably knew would happen.  Cody would fuck up.  He would do something to mess things up with Kerrigan.  Or to hurt her in some way.  And then he would take out the frustrations of having to hold it inside all this time.  Then and only then would he be able to voice his objections and dislike for the guy.  But he knew it would happen and he also knew that when he finally got that release.  The wait would have been well worth it.

Justin was pulled from his never ending thoughts when Joey walked into the room.  “Hey, J.  I talked to that guy Jared that you told me to call.  About DJ’ing Kerrigan’s party.  He said he would do it.”

“Ok, so we got that out of the way now.” Justin sighed.  He was mentally drained from the overload his mind had been on lately.  He just had too much stuff he was trying to deal with.

“Yeah and we got confirmation on the club too.  Plus, all of your family and Kerrigan’s have been notified about the party time and location, so they’ll all be there.”

“I really appreciate you taking care of all that for me, Joe.  I was going to do it, I really was but my mind has just been elsewhere lately.”

“J, I understand.  Besides it’s not a problem.  We’re all throwing the party for Kerr, not just you so I don’t mind helping out.  I wanna see her have a good 21st bash.  Just like we all did.”

“You just wanna see her wasted again because you think it’s funny.” Justin smirked.

“That too.” Joey smiled.

“Well, I have no doubts in my mind that the girl will be anything other than trashed.  Especially, with you and Chris around.”

“Well, what can I say?  She’s finally legal.  We gotta party it up!”

Justin shook his head a Joey while smiling.  “And Kerrigan says I’m the crazy one.”

Joey studied Justin’s face and his solemn mood.  He knew the whole Kerrigan/Cody thing had been bothering him lately, but it was finally starting to really show through.

He sat down next to Justin on the sofa and looked at him.  “You know Justin, at least she’s happy.  I mean it could be worse.”

Justin knowing exactly what Joey was referring to, looked over at his friend.  “That’s the problem, Joe.  I mean I want her to be happy, but there’s something about that guy I don’t trust or like.  And if she’s this happy now, I can only imagine how devastated she’s going to be when he finally shows his true colors.  It’s gonna crush her.  And she’s never been in a serious relationship.  I just worry about her is all.”

“I understand what you’re saying man, but we all gotta go through it at some point.  We’ve all been there.  You with Britney, C with Bobbee, Chris with Dani, Lance with Carrie.”

“What about you?” Justin asked.

“I’ve had my heart broken too.  But nothing like you guys have.  I guess that’s why I’m so elusive with Kelly all the time.  I mean I love the girl, and we got a kid together.  But I guess there’s a part in me that’s scared that if I make that kind of commitment that I’ll end up getting hurt the way you guys have.  I’m a chicken shit, what can I say?” Joey grinned.

“Nah.  I think you’ve already made the commitment, you just don’t want to admit it to yourself yet.  But that’s fine.  It’ll happen eventually.”

“Yeah, no need to rush it.” Joey smirked.

“Guess not.”

“OK, so perk up man.  We’re about to throw the biggest party for Kerrigan and she’s gonna love it.  Put on a happy face man.”

“I’m trying, Joe.  It’s just not as easy as it seems.  Kerr’s been such a big part of my life for so long, it’s hard to deal with the fact that I’m losing her.”

Joey scowled at him.  “Justin, how do you figure you’re losing her?  She hasn’t gone anywhere.  She has a boyfriend.  How do you think she felt when you was with Brit and your other girlfriends?  You can’t fall apart because she has one boyfriend.  This is just the beginning.”

“I know it seems unfair, but I mean Joe you’ve had to have noticed how she’s changed recently.  She’s not the same Kerrigan I grew up with.  I mean her heart and all the important things are still there, but at the same time she’s just really changed.  I can’t help but feel like I’m losing her.  I can’t help but feel like she’s giving too much of herself to this guy too soon.  Granted I’ve had a lot of relationships, but I was never that serious with someone that quickly.”

“Are we talking about sex here?” Joey asked, confused.

“NO!”

“Ok, then what are we talking about if we’re not talking about sex?  I mean…Kerrigan’s not a….is she?” Joey stammered his question.  He wasn’t exactly sure how to approach that topic.  Especially, with Justin of all people.

“Is she what?  A virgin?  Is that what you’re trying to ask me, Joe?”

Joey shrugged and nodded.  “Yeah.”

“Yes, of course she is!” Justin answered quickly.

“Well, how do you know?”

“How do I know?  She’s never told me otherwise!  That’s something Kerrigan would have told me about.”

“You’re sure?” Joey persisted.

“YES, I’m sure!  Now can we drop this particular conversation.  I’m not comfortable discussing Kerrigan’s sex life.  Or the lack there of.”

“Ok, whatever man.” Joey said standing.  “I’m gonna go see what the other guys are up to.  I think you should find something to distract yourself.  You’re starting to look like some lost puppy or something.” he snickered.

“Kiss my ass, Joe!” Justin groaned, leaning back into the sofa.

“Sorry, J.  Not gonna happen.  I’ll catch ya later.” he said as he left the room.  He stopped outside in the hallway when Kerrigan and Cody came walking past him.  Cody had his arm securely wrapped around Kerrigan’s shoulders, pulling her close against his side.  Whispering something in her ear.

Just seeing the two of them together like that caused Joey to wonder more about the whole conversation he’d just had with Justin.  He too was beginning to think there wasn’t something right with Cody.  It was like he was too good to be true or something, but who was he to say anything.  If Kerrigan wouldn’t listen to Justin she sure as hell wasn’t going to listen to him.  And just as Justin was, Joey was concerned too.  He didn’t want to see Kerrigan get her heart broken.  But unfortunately that wasn’t up to him and there was nothing he could do to prevent it.

“You know I don’t see why Justin and the guys are throwing you this huge party.  I should be the one throwing you some kind of party.  I am your boyfriend.” Cody said as he and Kerrigan entered her room.

Kerrigan smiled back at him as she picked up a scrunchy off her dresser and pulled her hair back out of her face.  “You don’t understand.  They’ve been planning this party for a couple of years now.  Well, not exactly planning it but talking about it nonstop.  Besides, they’re my friends.  They can throw me a party if they want to.” she shrugged, walking back over to him and wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Yeah, but I still say I should be the one throwing you a bash.  That just seems more fitting.” he said as he leaned down and place a gentle kiss on her lips.

“Yeah, well they beat ya to it.  I can’t do anything about it.” Kerrigan smiled as she pulled away from their embrace, walking over to the sofa and setting down.

Cody followed her to the sofa and watched her for a brief moment as she clicked on the TV and began skipping through the channels.  “You could tell them NOT to do it.” he suggested.

Kerrigan scoffed.  “Yeah, like they’d listen to me.  Then they’d just turn it into some surprise thing.  And I hate surprise parties.  It’s better this way.”

“Yeah, well I still don’t like it.  And I still say I should be the one throwing you a party.” Cody said, settling back into the sofa.

Kerrigan looked over at him.  He looked angry, which she couldn’t understand.  It was just a stupid party and the guys were her friends.  She was happy they were doing something special for her.  She didn’t understand why Cody was making such a big deal out if it.  “Yeah, well like I said.  The guys already beat you to it and they are my friends.  They’re throwing the party, just get over it.” she said, frustrated.

Cody gave her a funny look.  “You don’t gotta get a fucking attitude about it.  I was just saying that it should be me and not them!” he snapped.

Kerrigan sat forward on the sofa staring at him, oblivious to where all this was coming from.  He’d never raised his voice to her, never snapped at her or said one unkind word to her.  This just wasn’t like him.

Cody noticed the shocked expression on her face and quickly tried to explain.  “I’m sorry baby.  I’m just tired and ready for this tour to be over with.  I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“I know you’re stressed, Cody.  But you’re not the only one.  And you don’t talk to me like that.  Justin, doesn’t even talk to me like that and get away with it.” she stated.

“Why does everything always come back to Justin?  It’s Justin this.  And Justin that.  I get so sick of hearing his name.” he spat angrily.

Kerrigan’s eyebrows raised.  A scowl growing on her face.  “I do not talk about Justin all the time.  I compare a lot of things to him and the guys because that’s what I’m used to.  That’s what I know.  I’ve explained this to you before.  I don’t get what the big deal is.  Justin’s my friend and I’m gonna talk about him.  You need to get used to that.”

Cody sat there debating on what he should say in response to that.  He knew from the way he’d seen her staring at Justin before they got together that she thought of him as more than a friend, but it was obvious that Justin never seen her in that light.  But he knew if he brought that up and pointed it out that the argument would only get out of hand and he wasn’t in the mood for that at the moment.  He was just sick of hearing about Justin all the time.  And always being compared to him.  He was sick of Justin period.

Sick of the way he always pretended to go along with their relationship, when he knew that Justin didn’t like him.  He knew that Justin was only putting on an act for Kerrigan’s sake.  But the simple fact was that Cody knew and that only aggravated him more.

He felt like Justin thought he was some kind God and had control over everything.  And the way that Justin looked at him, was like he was looking at Cody as if he wasn’t good enough for Kerrigan and Cody didn’t appreciate that in the least.  He knew he was good enough for Kerrigan.  He had proved it.  He was with her wasn’t he?

He just always felt like he was competing with Justin in some way.  And that was going to have to end at some point, because there was no way he was going to be second place in Kerrigan’s heart.  She was his girl now.  Justin would just have to learn to live without her, because Cody wasn’t giving her back!
 
 
 
 

Chapter 18

( 3 days later ~ Memphis, Tenn. )

They were finally in Tennessee and it was the day of Kerrigan’s party.  The last few days seemed to have dragged on for Justin.

Between, finalizing all of the party plans and dealing with Kerrigan’s somber mood after her little argument with Cody, Justin was ready for the party.  Ready to unwind and forget about the last few weeks.

But Justin didn’t know which was worse.  Kerrigan’s foul mood about her and Cody’s fight and the fact that she hadn’t told him what it was about.  Or the making up they did the day before when Cody had came up to talk to her.  Just when he thought the guy was gone for good, he had to come back like some soap opera character that got killed off and always somehow managed to still be alive.

The whole situation was frustrating to him and he was ready to pull his hair out.  Well, if it weren’t buzzed and long enough for him to actually get a hold of it good enough to pull it out.

Regardless, now they were at the party.  Kerrigan was wandering around with Cody, saying hello to all of her family and introducing him to everyone.  Justin wanted to puke when he saw Kerrigan’s Mom, Mrs. Wallace’s face light up when Kerrigan introduced Cody as her boyfriend.

Kerrigan had been bitching for a long time about how her Mom was always on her about settling down and finding her a man.  Wanting her to get married and have her some Grandchildren.  Justin loved Mrs. Wallace to pieces, but he just couldn’t deal with the fact that she had just met Cody and already she had Kerrigan married to him and mothering the guy’s kids.

Kerrigan was an only child, so Justin supposed that was where her Mother’s pushiness came from about the matter.  But still, Kerrigan was young.  Only just that day turning twenty one.  She was too young to be married and having kids.  Especially, with the likes of Cody.

Mrs. Wallace also seemed thrilled that Kerrigan was acting and dressing more like the young woman she was.  She couldn’t seem to get over the fact that Kerrigan was actually wearing a dress.  But then Justin had been a little awed by that fact too.

He had to admit Kerrigan did look really beautiful in the outfit she’d chosen that evening.  She was wearing a simple white dress that was patterned in small purplish pink flowers.  Trimmed in a creamy tan color lace looking material.  It hung to just above her knees and was sleeveless, appearing to wrap around her chest in a cris cross style.  All together she looked very elegant and mature in the dress.

But then there was Cody again.  The way he was clinging to Kerrigan and hovering around her.  The girl couldn’t get two feet away from the guy.  Except of course when he was off getting her another drink.  Justin had completely lost track of how many drinks Kerrigan had consumed, although he guessed it hadn’t been too many yet because she was still on her feet and she didn’t appear to be drunk.

Justin focused back on the man standing in front of him.  Jared Smith, the DJ of the evening.  He was requesting a couple songs he knew Kerrigan loved to be played for her a little later.  And somehow they’d gotten off on another subject.  Or at least Jared had.  Justin had spaced out.

Jared was another kid that he, Kerrigan and Trace had grown up with.  Justin had never really been that close to the guy, considering he moved away when he was twelve.  But when they were debating on DJ’s Trace had thrown his name out there and so Justin had figured what the hell.  But as the guy went on and on about Kerrigan and how much she had changed since the last time he’d seen her, he was seriously questioning his decision.

Then all of the sudden Jared grabbed Justin by his arm.  “Ok, that guy finally left her side.  I’m gonna go say hi, come with me!” he said dragging Justin along by his arm.

The two approached Kerrigan and she turned and smiled at Justin and then just nodded her head at Jared, her smile falling.  “Hey, what are you two doing?” she asked.

“Not much.” Justin gave her an apologetic look.  He’d only learned after they’d gotten to the party and Kerrigan had seen that Jared was the DJ that they weren’t on such great terms.

Kerrigan hadn’t gotten into the reasons why they weren’t on good terms, just that she wished that Justin or one of the other guys would have mentioned that Jared was going to be the DJ that evening.  But it was too late now and she had managed to avoid Jared all evening long.  At least Justin was there with her now.  He would prevent her from murdering the guy.

“So Kerr, you’re looking incredibly beautiful this evening.  I really like your dress.  I’ve always said you had amazing legs.” Jared gushed, smiling at her.

Justin turned and looked at him as if he were insane.  When had he ever said Kerrigan had great legs?  When had he ever seen them?  But then that thought occurred stupid, considering he’d seen her in shorts a bazillion times growing up.  But still he could never remember the guy saying she had great legs.  But again, he hadn’t been around him after the age twelve either.

Kerrigan put on her best smile.  “Thanks, Jared.” she forced herself to say.

“So what have you been up to lately?” he asked.  “Still running all over the country with Justin here, I take it.”

Justin decided to answer that one for Kerrigan seeing as how he could see that little spark growing in her eyes.  It was evident she was annoyed and didn’t want to be talking to the guy.  “She works for me, Jared.  Which in turn requires her to travel with me.  She’s not just running all over the country with me.”

“Oh, so you’re his EMPLOYEE?” Jared asked, raising his eyebrows when he said employee.

Kerrigan glared at him.  “Yes, I’m his personal assistant.”

“Personal assistant, huh.  How personal?”  Jared grinned at her.

Now Justin was angry.  What the hell was Jared suggesting?  And what the hell was he thinking, trying to get Kerrigan upset at her party?  “Jared, I don’t think I like what you’re suggesting.” Justin growled.  “Kerrigan, is my friend.  She happens to have a boyfriend.  So I’d appreciate it if you didn’t cheapen her in that way by suggesting that she’s doing anything other than helping me out with actual work!”

“Yeah, so would I!” Cody stated angrily, glaring at Jared.  He had just walked back up with his and Kerrigan’s drinks, Justin had failed to notice his presence and apparently so had Jared.

 Jared held his hands up.  “I was just joking around.  We always joke around and tease each other, don’t we Kerr?” he said eyeing her.

“Well, actually the way I remember it, you were always joking around and teasing me and I was always kicking your ass.” she smirked.

“Funny how our views on that differ.  But none the less, I’m here to work so I’ll get back to the job I’m getting paid for.  It was nice seeing you again Kerrigan.  Happy Birthday.” he smiled, before walking off towards the DJ booth.

“What the hell was that about?” Cody asked, still angry with the suggestions that Jared was throwing out.

“He’s an asshole.  Always has been.  Always will be.” Kerrigan supplied.

“Yeah, he’s just a prick.  He’s always picked on Kerrigan.  Since we were kids.  Remind me again why I hired him for this job?”

“Um, it was your idea?” Kerrigan smirked at him.

“Actually, no.  It was Trace’s idea.” Justin corrected.

“Ok.  Well, remind me to kill him later for that.” she smiled.

“Will do!” Justin smiled, looking down at the Martini that she was holding.  “How many of those you had tonight?”

Kerrigan looked down at her drink and back up at Justin.  “Only a couple, why?  You’re not gonna go all alcohol enforcement on me are you?  I mean I am twenty one now.”

Justin laughed.  “No, I was just asking.  It’s your birthday you can drink all ya want.” he smiled.  “But look, I’m gonna go find the other guys.  I’ll catch ya later, ok?”

“Ok, see ya later.”

“Ok, later.” Justin smiled, leaning in to give Kerrigan a quick hug and kiss on the cheek.  He glanced over at Cody.  “Later man.” he said as he walked off.

“Why does he have to do that?” Cody questioned.

“Do what?” Kerrigan gave him a puzzled look.

“Hug and kiss on you in front of me.”

Kerrigan laughed.  “Cody, it was just a friendly gesture.  You’re killing me with this jealousy stuff.  I thought we talked about all this yesterday?”

“We did, I’m sorry.  It just slipped out before I could stop myself.” he grinned at her innocently.

“Yeah, I’m sure it did.” Kerrigan shook her head at him.

“Whatever.” he shrugged.  “What do you say we go dance.  Lose the distance between us?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Kerrigan giggled at his suggestion. “Sounds good to me.”

They sat their drinks down on a nearby table and then made their way out to the dance floor, to see just how much distance they could lose between each other.

Later on that evening when all the family and Kerrigan’s parents had headed home and it was just the younger crowd, Justin motioned for Jared that it was time to play the songs he had requested earlier that night.

He let the first couple songs play through, watching Kerrigan to see if she realized what was playing and she had.  She had looked directly over at Justin, smiling.  It was obvious she knew he’d been the one behind those songs.

But when the slow beats of one of Kerrigan’s all time favorite songs, as well as a song that held sweet memories for Kerrigan and Justin began to pour through the speakers, she looked directly over to where Justin had been to smile at him, but he was no longer there.  When she turned back around she saw him standing on the other side of the table she was seated at.
 

What I need from you is understanding,
How can we communicate,
If you don't hear what I say.
What I need from you is understanding,
So simple as 1-2-3,
Understanding is what we need.
 

He walked around the table and held his hand out for hers.  “Come on, Kerr.  You’re dancing with me.” he said, pulling her up from her seat and leading her out to the dance floor.
 

You don't really know me,
You just wanna do what you wanna do.
That's not the way it should be,
No, you should listen to me boy.
I try so very hard to make you understand,
But the choices you make, baby they're all demands.
 

Justin wrapped Kerrigan’s arms around his neck, then wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close.

“I can’t believe you asked them to play this.” she smiled up at him.

“Why not?  You love this song.”

“It’s just funny.  Holds a lot of good memories.”

“Yeah, well that little recap we had of that a couple weeks ago made me think of it.  I’ve been planning to request it ever since.” he smiled goofily.

Kerrigan laughed at the goofy smile he was giving her.  “No wonder Jared thought what he did.” she stated.

“Jared’s a dumbass.  Who cares what he thinks.”
 

I try so very hard to keep our love alive,
But you don't wanna meet me half way,
Then the understanding dies.

There's no way that we can work it out,
If we don't pull together.
I don't mean to be demanding,
But I want some understanding,
I want to be with you.

What I need from you is understanding,
How can we communicate,
If you don't hear what I say.
What I need from you is understanding,
So simple as 1-2-3,
Understanding is what we need.
 

Meanwhile, Cody was sitting back at the table watching Kerrigan and Justin on the dance floor.  They were talking and laughing as they danced and Cody was growing insanely jealous just watching them.

He would never understand the bond between Kerrigan and Justin.  Nor did he want to either.  All he knew was that they were too close for comfort.  And he was going to take it upon himself to do something about that.
 

I listen to you baby,
And I know the things you're going through.
I try to understand,
That's why I'm still here with you, baby.
See everyday we're living,
Is one thing that will always be unsure.
That's why I need you baby, pleading baby,
Please let our love endure.
 

“Hey Trace, check out that look on Cody’s face.” Joey said, nudging Trace and then pointing in Cody’s direction.

Trace chuckled.  “He looks pissed.”

“Yeah, not to happy that his girlfriend is dancing with someone else, huh?”

“Not at all.” Trace mumbled, watching Cody.  Something about the look on his face made him incredibly uneasy.
 

I try so very hard to keep our love alive,
But you don't wanna meet me half way,
Then the understanding dies.

There's no way that we can work it out,
If we don't pull together.
I don't mean to be demanding,
But I want some understanding,
I want to be with you.

What I need from you is understanding,
How can we communicate,
If you don't hear what I say.
What I need from you is understanding,
So simple as 1-2-3,
Understanding is what we need.
 

Oblivious to Cody’s angry stare, and Trace’s suspicious stare at Cody.  Justin and Kerrigan continued to dance while they talked about old times growing up.  Laughing at the memories that had bonded them together for life.
 

All I need, all I need
All I need is understanding
Ohhhhhhh, if you don’t hear what I say
Can’t ya see baby
Oh, oh, ohhhh

I try so very hard to keep our love alive,
But you don't wanna meet me half way,
Then the understanding dies.

There's no way that we can work it out,
If we don't pull together.
I don't mean to be demanding,
But I want some understanding,
I want to be with you.
 

And on the other side of the room.  Going completely unnoticed so far by anyone other than the doorman, stood Britney.  Her eyes fixed on the two figures dancing and laughing together in the middle of the large dance floor.
 

What I need from you is understanding,
How can we communicate,
If you don't hear what I say.
What I need from you is understanding,
So simple as 1-2-3,
Understanding is what we need.

What I need from you is understanding,
How can we communicate,
If you don't hear what I say.
What I need from you is understanding,
So simple as 1-2-3,
Understanding is what we need.
 

As the last notes of the song played through the speakers, Kerrigan and Justin laughed over yet another memory they had just revisited.

Until of course Britney stormed up to the two, grabbing Kerrigan by her shoulder, swinging her around and then slapping her across her face as she yelled.  “YOU FUCKING BITCH!”

( Understanding ~ By: Xscape )
 

Chapter 19

Kerrigan stood there for a moment in shock.  Her cheek stinging slightly, but she was oblivious to that pain at the mere sight of the girl she hated the most in the world standing before her.  And even more angry at the fact that the dumb bitch had the audacity to slap her.

“WHO THE FUCK YOU CALLING A BITCH?” Kerrigan retorted angrily, she was on the verge of snapping.  She was going to kill the girl.

“I’m calling you a bitch.  What the fuck are you doing dancing with Justin?  I always knew you had the hots for him.  I could see it in your eyes!  But this is just low, even for you Kerrigan.  We just broke up and already you’re trying to move in on my man?” Britney cried, outraged.

“Your man?  YOUR MAN?  Excuse me, you pathetic excuse for a woman, but who the hell is the WHORE that cheated on him?  It wasn’t me that’s for sure!  And the last time I checked he wasn’t YOUR man!”

“Whore?  WHORE!” Britney questioned.  “I’m no more a whore than you….”

Justin cut Britney off, stepping between the two.  “Brit, I think you need to get the hell out of here.  What the fuck are you doing here anyways?”

“Johnny, mentioned that y’all were having a party for Kerrigan’s Birthday.  I wanted to talk to you.  To see if we could try to work things out, so I flew in to see you.  But I did NOT expect to see you all wrapped up in HER arms!” Britney spat, glaring over at Kerrigan.

“I’m gonna wrap my hands around your throat in a minute if you don’t get the fuck out of here!” Kerrigan growled.

“I’m not leaving until I have the chance to talk to, Justin.” she spat at Kerrigan, turning her attention back to Justin.  “I mean really, J.  Were you SO desperate that you had to hook up with Kerrigan?  Couldn’t you find a better rebound?”

That was it.  She hit the one remaining nerve that Kerrigan was still holding in tact and the next thing everyone in the club knew, Kerrigan had Britney by her hair with one hand, proceeding to punch Britney in the face with the other.

“I’M GONNA FUCKING BEAT YOUR ASS, YOU STUPID WHORE!” she yelled, as she yanked on Britney’s hair, pulling out a fist full of blonde hair extensions.

Britney screamed out in pain.  “OW!  Stop it!  Get her the fuck off of me!”

But Kerrigan didn’t loosen the hold she had on Britney even a tiny bit as she continued to jerk her around and hit her repeatedly.

Justin had stood there momentarily just watching Kerrigan beat the crap out of Britney.  A sense of vindication inside of him.  But as he watched and saw the anger on Kerrigan’s face he knew that he had to stop her before she REALLY hurt Britney.

Motioning for JC, the two immediately hurried over to the girls to pull them apart.  Justin grabbed Kerrigan around her waist and drug her away from Britney kicking and screaming.  “Let me go!  I’m gonna kill that bitch!  Who the hell does she think she is?”

“Kerr, stop.  You need to calm down.” Justin told her, tightening his grip on her when she nearly got away from him.

Britney struggled briefly to get free from JC, but then gave up.  She glared over at Kerrigan.  “I’m gonna sue your ass for all it’s worth.  You hit me you dumb bitch.  And pulled my hair out.  Do you know how much that mistake is going to cost you!”

Kerrigan fought harder to get away from Justin.  She wanted to wipe that smug look off of Britney’s face.  “I don’t’ give a shit what you do!  You hit me first.  As far as I’m concerned it was self defense.  Besides, it was worth it!”

“We’ll see how much it was worth when I take your ass to court!” Britney spat back.

“You’re not taking anyone to court, Brit.  Everyone here saw what happened.  You attacked Kerrigan, she was just defending herself.” Justin spoke up.  He’d be damned if Britney was going to try to pull that shit.  Especially, with Kerrigan.

Kerrigan smiled evilly at Britney.  “Yeah, like he said.  You attacked me and it’s not my fault you don’t know how to defend yourself.  I guess you spend too much time fucking your boyfriend’s friends and your dancers to take a self defense class.  Maybe you should invest some of your precious money on that, instead of those fake ass hair extensions and the slutty ass clothes you’re always wearing!”

“Oh, you fucking bit…”

Justin cut Britney off before she could finish what she was about to say, because he knew that would only enrage Kerrigan even further and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold her back.  “LONNIE, MIKE!” he called to his bodyguards.  “Escort Brit to the door and see to it that she leaves!”

The two large men nodded at Justin and took Britney from JC’s restraints.  Britney arguing the whole way.  “But Justin.  We need to talk.  I still love you.  I know we can work through everything if you’ll only give us the chance!”

“We’re not working through shit, Britney.  You made your choice.  Now you gotta live with it.” he said, turning his back to her.

Justin didn’t let Kerrigan go until he knew for sure that Britney was gone.  When he did release her, Kerrigan stood there fuming.  Uttering several obscenities under her breath as she picked the remaining strands of Britney’s long blonde hair off of her fingers.

“Are you gonna be ok?” he questioned, watching her.

“I’m fine.  In fact I’m wonderful now that I finally got my hands on that stupid whore!” she huffed.

Justin couldn’t help himself but to smile at that comment.  He’d known for a while that Kerrigan had wanted to do just that to Britney.  And seeing that accomplished look on her face just made him crack a smile.  Not so much because it was funny, but because that showed just how much Kerrigan cared about him and his friendship.  Just how far she would go to protect him and defend him.  She truly was a great friend.

However, Justin was reminded of just how far he would go to protect Kerrigan as well, when Cody finally made his way over to the two.

“Kerrigan baby, are you ok?” he asked tenderly, lifting her chin to inspect her face where Britney had slapped her.

Kerrigan shoved his hands away.  “I’m fine.  That shit didn’t even hurt.  The girl really needs to work on that if she intends to walk up to people and slap them.  Dumb bitch!” she grumbled.

Justin chuckled at her statement.  He just couldn’t help himself.  And in return he received a angry glare from Cody.  “You think this shit is funny?  Her fighting over you is funny?  Some friend you are!” he spat at Justin.

Justin’s smile quickly turned into a scowl as he glared back at Cody.  “No, I don’t think it’s funny.  If you knew Kerrigan half as well as I do, you’d know I was laughing at her comments.  I find those amusing if you must know.  But really it’s none of your business.”

“None of my business?  She’s my girlfriend.  Everything that concerns her is my business!”

“That’s where you’re wrong!  Just because she’s your girlfriend doesn’t mean her whole life is your business.  Or that our friendship is your business either!  So butt the fuck out!” Justin spat.

“How the…”

Kerrigan cut Cody off before he and Justin could exchange anymore words.  She didn’t want them fighting.  Cody was already insecure enough as it was about her and Justin’s friendship without allowing some little ego battle to go on between the two.  “Cody, I need a drink.  Would you please take me to the bar.”

Cody looked over to her and then back to Justin for a brief moment before turning his attention back to Kerrigan.  “Sure.  Let’s go.” he said, wrapping his arm around her waist to lead her off, but not before he shot Justin one last glare.

Justin stood there watching their retreating backs.  Anger welling up inside of him, giving him a full understanding of what Kerrigan had been feeling only moments before.  When Trace and JC joined him, he muttered.  “I want to strangle that bastard.”

“Well, for some reason I don’t think Kerrigan would appreciate that very much.” Trace smirked.

“She’d get over it!” Justin retorted.

“Or so you hope.” JC spoke up.  “Remember the conversation we had a couple weeks ago?”  Justin looked at JC and nodded.  “Well, just try to remember that and chill out.”

“What conversation was this?” Trace questioned.

“Don’t worry about.” Justin replied.

Trace shrugged.  “Whatever.”

(Later that night )

Kerrigan stumbled into her hotel room, with the aid of Cody.  Who himself was pretty well fit to be tied.  Both were extremely intoxicated.

After her altercation with Britney and the almost altercation Cody had with Justin, and they had retreated to the bar Kerrigan had drunk herself to a stupor trying to subside her anger.  Cody had pretty much done the same thing.  Although, his was to subside the anger that had built within him at seeing Kerrigan and Justin dancing.  And then of course the bittersweet words Justin had spat at him.

But all that seemed to be forgotten now.  They were laughing hysterically at each other and their drunken states.  Stumbling around the room.  Completely lost in their own world.

When they finally settled down on the sofa, they resumed where they had left off at the club, in the cab and again in the elevator.  Making out.  Kissing each other feverishly, as they struggled to get closer to each other.

They had decided to leave the club because the party was winding down.  A lot of people had left and there really wasn’t too many people still there.  Other than the guys, some crew members and the security team.

So in the middle of their make out session at the bar and after a clearly distinct look from the bartender telling them they’d had way too much to drink and that they needed to get a room.  The two gathered their belongs and left the club.  Completely unnoticed by any of the other people still there.  But then that wasn’t too surprising either.  Considering that everyone there, with the exception of security, were completely and utterly plastered.

So here they were again.  Completely lost in each other.  Making out like they never had before.  Cody’s senses were on overload.  She had looked incredible all evening long.  She had worn the dress that he had picked out for her and she had looked amazing in it.

And now, having her so close to him.  Kissing her the way he was.  It was almost too much for him.  He needed her.  He wanted her.  And from the way things were going he guessed she wanted him as well.

Slowly kissing down her neck to her collarbone and then back up to her ear, he whispered softly, sensually in her ear.  “I want you so much.”

Kerrigan sighed at his words.  She wanted him too.  That’s what her body was telling her at the moment.  As well as her mind and heart.  There was just this burning inside for him that she needed to be filled.  And at this moment the only thing she could think about was having him fill that burning desire that was continuing to build within her as he gently nibbled on her ear.

Moaning slightly, Kerrigan uttered back.  “You got me already.”

“No, Kerrigan.  I want you.  I want to make love to you.  I want to caress your body.  Kiss you all over.  I want to be a part of you.” Cody whispered back, slowly rubbing her inner thigh with his free hand.

Kerrigan’s eyes rolled back in her head at the feelings he was creating inside of her with his words and his gentle touch.  She needed this.  She wanted this too.

“Then have me.” she whispered back.

Cody smiled to himself.  She had just given him something he’d been waiting a long time for.  He’d been wanting her in this way since the moment he had seen her.  And finally he was getting what he wanted.

Pulling away from her, he stood up.  Extending his hand out for hers, he told her.  “Let’s go over to the bed.”

Kerrigan stood and took his hand, following him the short distance to the bed on the other side of the room.  When they reached the bed she stood before him watching him expectantly.

Cody smiled at her and then leaned in to kiss her.  Slowly the kiss grew more intense.  Barely breaking away from her lips at all, but when he did it was only brief enough to remove an article of clothing.

When they were both completely bared of all their clothing, Cody took a moment to admire Kerrigan’s amazing body.  She was perfect in his eyes.  Not a flaw anywhere.  Leaning in again, he kissed her.  Running his hands gently over her body.  Touching her in places and in ways he had only dreamed about before.

Gently he laid her back on the bed, hovering above her.  “I love you Kerrigan.  And I’m going to show you just how much I love you.” he whispered before leaning down to kiss her again.

When he pulled away from her lips to look down at her, their eyes met.  Kerrigan felt something inside that she had been longing for, for the longest time.  She saw his desire for her.  She’d seen it before, but this time it was different.  Unlike anything she’d ever seen before.  And although the look was so strong she had thought she should be scared of it, she wasn’t.  It only affirmed what her body, heart and mind were already telling her.

“I love you too.”

Chapter 20

“She’s probably has a hang over from hell after last night!” Justin laughed, as he swiped the key card through the door.

“I wouldn’t doubt it.  She was slamming them back.  Especially, after that whole Britney thing” JC laughed.

“She’s gonna hate me for this, but it’ll be funny.” he said, as he prepared to open the door.

“Don’t expect me to pull her off of you when she’s strangling you.” JC grinned.

Justin merely smirked in response and threw the door open.  “RISE AND SHINE SLEEPING BEAU…..” Justin came to a dead stop, his words forgotten.  JC slamming right into his back.

Kerrigan sat straight up in the bed, clutching the sheet to her chest.  “Justin!” she screeched.

JC slowly peeked around Justin to see what was going on.  His eyes nearly bulging out of his head when he saw the clothing scattered across the floor and Kerrigan sitting in the bed, clutching a sheet to cover herself.  While Cody was laying beside her, neither wearing any clothes.  Evident by the many articles strewn on the floor.

“YOU FUCKING BASTARD!” Justin yelled, as he took off from the spot in the doorway, where he had momentarily been frozen in place.  “I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!”

JC was quick to dart after Justin, grabbing him just as he was about to reach the bed.  “J, stop!” he told him, trying to hold him back.

“GET OUT!  JUSTIN, GET OUT!” Kerrigan yelled, pulling the sheet tighter against her as Cody had at some point shot up in the bed.  Preparing himself for Justin’s wrath.

All the screaming and yelling had not gone unnoticed by the people in the hall either, as Lonnie, Dre and Mike stormed into the room.  Quickly followed by Joey, Chris, and Trace.  All of whom were completely not prepared for what they found.  Which was a raging mad Justin and a sheet wearing Kerrigan and Cody.

“OH MY GOD!” Kerrigan yelled when everyone stormed into her room.  “GET OUT!  All of you!  GET OUT!”

“LET ME GO, JC!  I’M GONNA KILL THAT FUCKING BASTARD!” Justin yelled, as he fought to get loose from JC’s grasp.

Trace quickly rushed over to help contain Justin, but only got shoved away as Justin fought to get loose.

“Would you guys PLEASE get out?” Kerrigan pleaded, near tears.  She was completely humiliated.  All of them storming into her room and finding her in such an intimate moment.

Hearing Kerrigan’s pleading words, Joey and Chris quickly exited the room, while Mike, Dre and Lonnie dragged Justin from the room.  Him fighting and yelling the whole way.

JC followed behind Justin and Trace followed behind JC, but stopped in the doorway and turned to look at Kerrigan.  “I think you need to get dressed.  We need to have a little talk.” he said, before shutting the door behind him.

As soon as the door was closed, Kerrigan shot up out of the bed, wrapping herself in one of the blankets.  She darted over to her suitcase, pulling out some clean clothes and then all but ran into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind her.

Cody sat there for a moment, completely in shock over what had just happened.  Never in a million years did he think that Justin or anyone else would come into the room and catch them the way they had.  But on the other hand he really didn’t care.  At least now Justin seen how close they really were.  It was almost bittersweet as far as he was concerned.

Climbing out of the bed, he quickly pulled his boxers on and then made his way over to the bathroom door.  Knocking he called through the door.  “Kerrigan baby, are you ok?”

No answer.

“Kerrigan?  Are you ok in there?” he asked again and then the door swung open, Kerrigan storming out of the bathroom fully dressed and headed for the door.  “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to talk to Justin and Trace.” she said.

“You’re not seriously going to go down there and discuss this with them are you?  I mean, where the hell does short dude get the gull, telling you that you need to have a talk?  You’re a grown woman.  You can do whatever you want.”

“It’s not about that, Cody.  Did you not see the fire in Justin’s eyes.  If he’d of gotten a hold of you, he woulda beat the living shit out of you.”

Cody scoffed.  “Hardly.”

Kerrigan stopped and stared at him.  “You don’t know him like I do, Cody.  Justin, doesn’t get that upset over nothing.  And when he gets that upset you get the hell out of his way.  I’m telling you, if he’d of gotten his hands on you, God only knows what he would have done!”

“I’m not scared of him, Kerrigan.  He comes at me like that, I guarantee you, I’m not going down without a fight.”

Kerrigan sighed.  “You don’t get it.  He’s your BOSS, Cody!  He can fire you.  He’s pissed off right now and I need to go explain things to him and calm him down before he does something irrational.”

“I don’t think you should go down there.  I don’t care if he fires me, it's not like I can’t get another job.  I’m greatly recommended in my field.  I’m not worried about any of that.  He fires me, so be it.  There’s only one more show left anyways.  Not like I’d be missing much of anything.”

“You know what, I understand where you’re coming from but I don’t have time for this right now.  I need to go talk to Justin.” she said, starting for the door again.

“Oh, so talking to him is more important than being here with me?” Cody questioned.

Kerrigan stopped, her hand on the doorknob.  She turned around and looked at Cody.  “It’s not like that either.  But for both of our sakes I need to do this.  And besides Justin’s my best friend, I owe him and explanation.”

“You don’t owe him a damn thing!” Cody argued.

“Maybe not in your eyes, Cody.  But in mine I do.  And I’m going to go give it to him.” she said opening the door and disappearing into the hallway.

Once in the hallway, Kerrigan looked down towards Justin’s room to see all the guys and half the security team standing outside his door.  And they all seemed to look right at her upon hearing the clicking of her door.

Kerrigan walked in their direction, head down, staring at the floor.  She was still humiliated and there was no way in hell she could look any of them in the eyes.  Even Lance who hadn’t even been in the room, but had surely already heard about what had happened.

The closer Kerrigan got to Justin’s room the more noise she heard.  She could hear Justin yelling about something, then directly followed by a few loud crashes.  It sounded as if he was tearing his hotel room apart.

Taking a deep breath, Kerrigan walked the remaining few feet to the door, completely ignoring the other guys.  Again there was no way she could look at them, but as she raised her hand to knock on the door, JC quickly stopped her.

“Kerr, perhaps you should give him a little time to cool down.” he suggested.

Kerrigan looked up at JC and seen the worry in his face.  “It’s ok JC.  I know Justin wouldn’t hurt me and I need to do this now before I lose my nerve.”

JC nodded, looking down to the floor.  He looked back up and met her eyes.  “Don’t let anything he says upset you.  You’re grown, you can do what you want.”

“Thanks, C.” she smiled slightly at him and then proceeded to knock on Justin’s door.

The door was yanked open immediately, an angry Justin on the other side.  When he seen that it was Kerrigan he quickly pulled her into the room, slamming the door behind him.

Once she was in the room and Justin had closed the door, he went back to pacing again as Kerrigan looked around the room.  Yup, he’d been destroying it alright.  There was broken vases, turned over chairs, the room was a mess.  He’d truly managed to destroy his room in only a matter of minutes.

Kerrigan walked over to one of the chairs that was laying on it’s side and picked it up, setting it back on it’s four legs before taking a seat in it.  She looked over at Trace who was sitting on the sofa, his face in his hands.

She didn’t know what to say.  How did you start this kind of conversation?  Hell, she wasn’t even sure what kind of conversation they were even about to have.  She’d never been through anything like this before.

Finally, after a few more minutes of silence in the room, with the exception of Justin’s loud, angry breathing as he paced the length of the room, he stopped and looked over at Kerrigan to speak.  “What the hell were you thinking?  Were you THAT drunk last night?  I hope you realize that I’m going to kill that bastard when I see him again.  No amount of security or any of the guys are going to be able to prevent me from wrapping my hands around his throat and strangling every last breath out of him!”

“Justin, you really need to calm down.  This isn’t that big of a deal.  I mean it’s a big deal to me because everyone fucking came storming into my room to find me naked in my bed.  If anyone should be angry, it should be me!” Kerrigan defended.

Justin glared at her.  “Naked in your bed with him!”

“So?”

“So?  SO?” he yelled.  “Kerrigan, what the hell happened last night?  You didn’t even tell me you were leaving.  I found out when I came looking for you.  What the hell’s wrong with you?  You should have known that if you came back to the hotel with him in that state that he would take advantage of you.  How could you have done that?  How could you give yourself to someone like him?”

“He didn’t take advantage of me!” she defended.

“The hell he didn’t!  He got you drunk off your ass, then brought you back to the hotel and took advantage of you.  There’s no other explanation for it!  I knew something was up with that guy.  I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS SHIT!” Justin said, growing angry again.

“J, calm down.  Yelling isn’t going to solve any of this!” Trace warned.

“Calm down?  CALM DOWN?  You do realize what he did is like rape?  Taking advantage of her the way he did, she wasn’t in her right mind last night.  There’s no way she could clearly consent to something like that!”

“Justin, I did consent.  I wanted it as badly as he did.  Don’t sit here and treat me like some little virgin or something.  Who I sleep with and when, is none of your business.  Cody is my boyfriend and if we want to be intimate, then we will.  You have NO RIGHT to be carrying on like this.  I know you’re just looking out for me, but really there’s no need!”

“Well of course I can’t treat you like a virgin.  You aren’t one anymore!” Justin scoffed and Trace groaned.  This kind of conversation wasn’t going to get any of them anywhere.

“Justin, I wasn’t a virgin last night! I haven’t been a virgin for a while!” Kerrigan said exasperated.

“You mean you two have slept together before?” he questioned at those words.  “Oh, now I’m really gonna kill the bastard!”

Kerrigan stared at him as if he was completely insane.  “Justin, I lost my virginity in High School.  Cody was not the first guy I slept with!”

Justin froze.  What had she just said?  Cody wasn’t the first guy?  She’d lost her virginity in High School?  What the hell?  He stared at her in disbelief.  How was this possible and he didn’t know about it?  Surely, she would have mentioned this to him at some point.

Trace sighed, shaking his head.  “So the rumors in school were true?  I thought that was a bunch of bullshit.”

Kerrigan merely shrugged at Trace.  She didn’t remember hearing any rumors but then she had blocked out a lot of stuff in High School because she didn’t get along with a lot of people.  Rumors going around about her wasn’t an odd happening since she was female and Best Friends with Justin Timberlake, so she tended to ignore them.

“What do you mean the rumors were true?  What the hell are you talking about?” Justin questioned Trace.

Trace leaned back into the sofa.  “There were rumors going around Senior year that Kerrigan and Jared had hooked up.  I personally couldn’t see that happening so I blew it off and figured it was just another way for the girls to try to make Kerrigan out to be a whore.  They were always spreading rumors about her J, because she was friends with you.  So I didn’t think anything of it.”

“Let me get this straight.  You heard rumors that some guy was hooking up with Kerrigan and you didn’t feel the need to tell me about that?” Justin scowled at him.

“Like I said, I didn’t think they were true.  If I came back and told you every rumor that ever went around that school, you’d have gone crazy.  They really gave her a hard time in school because of her friendship with you.  And I knew how protective you were over her so I figured I wouldn’t bother giving you something to worry about.  Or something to make a big deal about when you came back into town the next time.  Cause you and I both know the first thing you woulda done was gone straight up to the school on a mission to set everyone straight.  Which only would have made things worse in the long run!”

Justin groaned, he hated that Trace knew him so well, because even though he’d never admit it openly, he knew that Trace was right.  That’s exactly what he would have done, but he had never realized that Kerrigan had so much trouble in school because of him.  She had never really mentioned it to him.  She said a thing here or there about some snide comment a girl would make to her, but she never mentioned that they were spreading all kinds of rumors about her.  Or in this case a truth about her.

He turned his attention to Kerrigan.  “So that rumor was true?” he asked.

“Yeah, I guess it was.  I never personally heard that rumor, but it’s true.” she shrugged.

“So you’re you telling me you slept with Jared? Jared Smith?” Justin asked disbelievingly.

Kerrigan looked down at her shoes.  “It’s not something I’m proud of.”

“You had sex with him?!” Justin asked incredulously.  “I can’t believe this shit!” he said throwing his hands up in the air.

“Why do you think I was acting so coldly to him last night?  I figured you would have caught on by the little things he was saying when he was standing there.”

“I can’t believe this.  He was standing there right in front of me, mocking you and I didn’t even realize it.”  Justin vented, as he threw himself down on the sofa beside Trace.

“It doesn’t matter now, it’s over.” Kerrigan stated.

“It does matter, Kerr.  Why didn’t you come to me and tell me about this?  Why didn’t you talk to me about this?”

“I didn’t talk to anyone about it.  Not even, Trace.” she replied.

“But why not me?  We’ve always been closer.  Why didn’t you at least come to me?”

“Hey, me and Kerrigan have always been close too.” Trace interjected.

“Not as close as me and Kerrigan have been.” Justin argued.

“How the hell do you figure?  We spent more time together.  We were stuck back in Tennessee while you were off in Florida on the Mickey Mouse Club.”

Justin scowled at him.  “Trace, me and Kerrigan have always been closer than you and her have.  You know that!”

“Would you two quit arguing over stupid shit.  I didn’t talk to anyone about it, because I didn’t want to tell anyone.  Like I said it’s not something I’m proud of, but it happened and I can’t change it.  We were all out at a party, I’d been drinking.  I was feeling dejected and unwanted and Jared was hitting on me. I don’t know what I was thinking.  I mean, obviously I wasn’t because it happened.  But I can’t do anything to change it.  It happened and after the fact Jared acted like an ass towards me, therefore I quit talking to him.  And also explaining the cold shoulder I was attempting to give him last night, but it’s not like it was a continuous thing.  It happened one time, and that was it.”

“I can’t believe this shit.  I can’t believe you never told me!” Justin groaned.

“Oh, get over it!  I don’t tell you ever detail of my life Justin.  Just like you don’t tell me every detail of your life.  We’re all allowed to have our own little secrets now and then.  And this was one I wanted to keep to myself.  Why the hell do you need to be kept up to date on my sex life?  That’s not something you needed to know about!” she said angrily.

“I’m you’re friend Kerrigan, I need to know these things!” he argued.

“You don’t need to know THOSE things!” she retorted.

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter now.  But I’ll have you know I’m still going to kick the shit out of Cody’s fucking ass!  He got you drunk and then took advantage of you.  I don’t give a shit what you say.”

“He DID NOT take advantage of me Justin!  He’s my boyfriend and I love him and if we want to have sex then we’ll have sex.  It’s NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!” Kerrigan yelled.

Justin winced when Kerrigan spoke of having sex with Cody, but then he realized what else she had said.  “Did you just say that you love him?” he questioned.

Kerrigan sighed.  “Yes.”

“Jesus, this is worse than I thought.” Justin grumbled under his breath, Trace giving him a warning look that Justin didn’t even see.

“What do you mean this is worse than you thought?” Kerrigan questioned him. “What’s that supposed to mean?  I’m not aloud to love him?  That’s a bad thing?”

Justin was about to go into detail and tell her exactly what he meant by it, but he caught the look Trace was giving him and in all honesty he wasn’t in the mood to get into all of that with her.  His whole world had just been shifted off it’s axis.  He was finding out stuff he’d never even considered before.  What a day it was turning out to be.

“Kerrigan, I don’t even feel like getting into this conversation with you right now.  I need some time to process all of this shit I just found out and I need to be alone.  I just can’t look at you right now.”

That struck Kerrigan straight in the heart.  He couldn’t look at her?  “Oh, now that you know I’m not some perfect little virgin I disgust you now?  Justin, I happen to KNOW you’re not a virgin either, so I don’t see why it’s ok for you, but not ok for me!” she retorted.

Justin looked over at her and he could see the hurt in her eyes.  He hadn’t meant it like that.  He didn’t mean to hurt her feelings.  “Kerr, I didn’t mean it like that.  I just meant that right now I got too much stuff running through my head.  When I look at you, I see you in that bed with him.  And that makes me incredibly angry.  I need time to cool down about this.  I need time to let it all sink in.  You in no way disgust me.  And you no longer being a virgin isn’t the point.  It’s just I thought that we were closer than that.  I always figured when that happened for you that you’d be so happy about it that you would share it with me.  Kinda like I did with you.  But you didn’t and it hurts a bit.  I’m sorry, but I just need some time here.”

Kerrigan nodded her understanding.  She hadn’t thought of it that way.  Looking at it from that perspective she could understand why he was so upset.  “Fine.  You take all the time you need.  I’ll be in my room when or if you decide you want to talk to me.” she said getting up and making her way towards the door.

Once she reached the door she stopped and turned to look at him.  “Justin?” she asked, waiting on him to look up at her.  When he did she continued.  “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.  That was never my intention.  You too, Trace.  It’s just that was something I wasn’t proud of myself for doing back then so I kept it to myself.  It wasn’t anything against you guys.  It was just something I needed to keep to myself.”

Both Trace and Justin nodded their understanding to her.  Kerrigan whispered a “See ya later.” and then exited the room.

When she was gone Justin turned to look at Trace.  “I cannot believe all of this.”

“You and me both.” Trace muttered in response.

While Kerrigan was in Justin’s room talking to Justin and Trace, Cody got himself dressed and left her room to go back downstairs to his.  He needed to go think some things over in his head about the whole situation.

When he entered the hall, he looked down to see the rest of the Nsync guys standing in the hall along with a few of their bodyguards.  Cody assumed it was Justin’s door they were standing outside of.

Blowing off the looks of disgust and outrage he was receiving from the other guys, Cody continued down the hall to the elevators.  He pressed the button and silently waited for the elevator.  He could tell all of the guys were staring at him.  Glaring at him even.  But none of them said anything.

He wanted so badly to turn and look at them and ask them what their fucking problems were, but he refrained from doing so.  Knowing that would only make the situation worse.

It was publicly known through the crew and staff how all of the guys were extremely protective over Kerrigan.  Justin being the worst of course, but still they were all like big brothers to her.  And big brothers were always watching out for their little sisters.  And could often cause a lot of problems, which Cody didn’t need at that moment.

He wasn’t about to give any of them a reason to go running back to Kerrigan and tell her horrible things about him.  He knew that’s what they all wanted.  None of them liked him, that was evident, even before the present events.  But again, he wasn’t about to give them any ammo to use against him with Kerrigan.

No, he was going to win this battle.  He was going to show all of them just how much in control of the situation he was.  Especially, Justin.  And he considered that mornings events as the first step in the process of teaching Justin and the rest of them a very valuable lesson.

When the elevator finally arrived and the doors opened.  Cody looked down at the rest of the guys, giving them a bored look as he stepped onto the elevator and disappeared behind the closing doors.

( 2 days later - Orlando - Night before the last show )

Things had been a little crazy over the last couple of days.  After the whole “talk” with Justin and Trace in Justin’s room, Kerrigan had retreated back to her room to find Cody gone.  She figured he was pissed off at her because she had chosen to talk to Justin over staying there with him.  And that thought had proven to be true over the next couple of days.

They had argued repeatedly over it, but in the end always made up, but that didn’t stop Kerrigan from feeling guilty.  Not so much about the whole thing with Cody, but more so about Justin.  And she even somewhat regretted sleeping with Cody.

Not that she didn’t care about him, because she did.  Her feelings were growing stronger and stronger for him by the day.  And she really did believe that she was in love with him, but at the same time her sleeping with Cody had in turn caused Justin to be disappointed in her.  She had seen it in his eyes that morning in his room.  And Kerrigan never wanted Justin to be disappointed in her.  She had always valued his opinion more than she probably should, but still she valued it and just knowing that he was disappointed in what she had done, made her feel bad about doing it.  But she couldn’t change that now.

And then there was Justin.  He had seemingly calmed down about the issue and hadn’t brought it back up.  At least not to her.  What Kerrigan didn’t know was that he’d had another little talk with JC about how his outburst on the matter could effect his friendship with Kerrigan.  And now knowing that she was sleeping with the guy, Justin didn’t want anything to come between them.  He just knew something was going to go wrong at some point and with her having this emotional attachment on top of her claiming to love him.  Well, he knew that when things did go bad, they were going to be bad.  And he wanted to be there to help her get through it.

And now here they all were.  Minus Cody of course.  He’d had work to do at the venue since the next show was going to be the last.  And for the big finale they had planned extra lighting and extra pyro, to make sure that the concert went out with a bang.

But the group had all gathered at Justin’s house for a little pre-tour end party.  They were all drinking and goofing off. It was basically a way for them all to spend some quality time together before the tour ended.

At some point during the evening Joey got the bright idea that it would be fun for them to play truth or dare.  Everyone agreed hesitantly at first, but not too long into the game they were all enjoying themselves.  They were daring each other to do stupid stuff for laughs and asking stupid questions for truths.

Then out of now where Chris came up with a dare for Justin, that shocked everyone.  “I dare you to kiss Kerrigan!” Chris grinned.

This dare wasn’t for laughs in Chris’ eyes though.  It was more of an experiment.

He had become worried about Kerrigan over the last week or so because of everything that was going on.  He had spent a lot of time thinking back to the day on the bus when he heard her crying in her bunk.  About his concerns that she would do something more irrational to gain Justin’s attention.  And how he had sworn he wouldn’t interfere, but at this point he felt like he needed to do something.

Chris seen Kerrigan’s whole relationship with Cody to be her next irrational step.  Sure, maybe she had convinced herself that she liked the guy and maybe she did on some level.  But Chris was pretty sure it was Justin’s rejection that had driven her into Cody’s arms.  And to now know that she was actually sleeping with the guy, that was just too much.  She was getting in way over her head and she was going to get hurt.

He just wanted Justin to kiss Kerrigan to see if Justin felt anything.  Maybe if he did then they could get together and Cody would be history.  Or so that was the idea.

Both Kerrigan and Justin glared at him, but Justin quickly shrugged it off and turned to Kerrigan who was sitting next to him.  He grabbed her face and gave her a quick peck on the lips.  That wasn’t so hard.  WRONG!

“NO!  Not like that!  I mean REALLY kiss her!  Like you mean it!” Chris insisted, the other guys just looking around at each other trying to figure out why Chris was doing what he was doing.

“How am I supposed to kiss her like I  mean it, when I don’t?” Justin retorted.

“You’re a performer.  Perform!” Chris pushed.

“Ugh!” Justin groaned.  He turned to Kerrigan.  “You have my permission to kill HIM after this ok.” he said.

Kerrigan only nodded, not sure if she was prepared for this or not.  She had a boyfriend, was this considered cheating?  But then it wasn’t real.  It was just Justin.  It was a dare after all.  Besides it wasn’t like she was going to tell Cody about this.  There was no chance in hell of that.

Justin once again took Kerrigan’s face in his two hands.  Biting his lip apprehensively he studied her face.  He had to do this or he’d never hear the end of it from Chris.  And probably not the other guys either.  He licked his lips and leaned in to her, gently pressing his lips to hers.

This wasn’t so bad, he thought.  Actually, it was pretty nice.  Kerrigan’s lips were softer than they appeared to be.  Rather delectable, he thought as he began to lose himself in the kiss.  Kerrigan slowly responding.

Justin’s one hand slowly drifted back into her hair to tilt her head to give him better access, while his other hand slipped down from her face, over her arm, to rest on her hip, pulling her slightly closer to him.

The guy’s eyebrows rose as they stared on in shock.  Justin was SERIOUSLY kissing her.  Like full on kissing her.  Like he MEANT IT, kissing her.  And they could not believe it.

Meanwhile, Kerrigan allowed him to kiss her.  Sure she was responding, but Justin was doing most of the work.  Kerrigan was in too much shock at how passionately he was kissing her to really respond fully.  For years she had wanted him to kiss her that way, and when he finally does she’s in too much shock to even respond properly.  Figures!

Justin slowed the kiss down, and then slowly pulled away from her lips completely mesmerized with what had just happened.  He placed one last gentle kiss upon her lips, looking up to meet her eyes.  What he saw there was pure confusion and turmoil.  Which he took for him kissing her the way he had.  And because of Cody.

Which was true, but Kerrigan’s confusion and turmoil wasn’t because he had kissed her that way, but because she didn’t know what to do.  She had a boyfriend and cared about him.  But she had cared about Justin for so long.  And for the longest time she had wanted this.  And now that she had it she didn’t know what to do.  But at the same time she kept telling herself it was just a dare.  That he didn’t mean it.  It wasn’t real.  It couldn’t be real.  Those feelings and sincerity that was in his kiss, could in no way, shape or form be real!

Justin quickly pulled away from Kerrigan and turned around to face Chris with a smirk on his face.  Totally trying to play off what had just happened.  “Happy now?  Was that good enough for you?”

Chris merely smiled.  “Yup, that’ll do.”

“That’ll do?” Joey scoffed.  “I thought they were about to go at right here and now.”

Justin rolled his eyes and laughed.  “Get real, Joe.  It’s Kerrigan and I’m a performer remember.  But it’s good to know I’m that believable.  Maybe I should reconsider the whole acting thing.”

“Well, if your other acting skills are anywhere near as good as those acting skills, then I’d have to say you’d be a damn good actor.” Lance stated, not really believing Justin, but patronizing him all the same.

Meanwhile, Kerrigan’s heart was breaking a little on the inside, taking Justin’s words to heart.  She knew it couldn’t be real.  He was just acting, doing as Chris had instructed.  Performing.  She scolded herself mentally for ever even allowing the thought to cross her mind that the emotions and fire she felt behind his kiss could be real in any way.  How stupid could she get?

“OK, moving on.” Justin stated, pulling Kerrigan’s thoughts back to the present.  “My turn!” Justin grinned evilly at Chris.

And Chris suddenly had the sinking feeling that he was going to pay for that little dare.  The look on Justin’s face was pure evil.

(  The next day at the venue )

Cody was walking down the hall heading out towards the arena area.  He was just coming back from lunch and it was time to get back to work.  Although, he really didn’t want to.  He’d much rather be spending his time with Kerrigan.  Maybe even figure out why she had been so quiet.

They had gone out for lunch together, but the whole time she was just really quiet.  She didn’t have much to say and appeared to have a lot on her mind.  He had attempted a couple times, and asked what was bothering her and she simply said that she was stressed because it was the last show and she was tired.  That nothing in particular was wrong.

Cody had accepted her answer, but didn’t really believe it.  He was beginning to think he had done something to piss her off again, but he racked his brain and couldn’t come up with anything that he had said or done.

Blowing off his thoughts, he figured it was the last concert and they would have plenty of time to figure things out after this whole mess was over.  He had big plans for them after the tour ended.  Which mostly consisted of them spending a lot more time together.  With no grueling tour schedule that would be an easy task to manage.  One he was looking forward too.

As he continued down the hall, he walked past the room the guys all affectionately called the “Toy Room”, which Cody had never understood.  But all the same it was their room, they could call it whatever they wanted.

However, as he was passing the room, the door was slightly open and he could hear the guys laughing about something.  Then he heard the mention of Kerrigan’s name.  He paused outside of the door and peeked in through the crack.

He could see all the guys, including Trace sitting around on the sofa’s and chairs, but Kerrigan was no where in the room.  At least not that he could see.  And he really didn’t understand how she would have gotten over there anyways.  He had just left her outside, talking to Lance’s sister Stacy.

His interest peeked as to what they were saying about her that was so funny, he stood there and continued to eavesdrop on the guy’s conversation.  It was then when he heard what he was sure was the reason for Kerrigan’s sudden mood change and silence all during lunch.

“I still can’t believe you kissed Kerrigan last night!” Trace stated.

“Aw, would you guys drop that already.  It was nothing.  It was a DARE!” Justin groaned, turning his attention to Chris.  “See what you’ve started trying to be a smart ass!”

Chris merely shrugged at Justin’s statement, but Joey quickly spoke up.  “Oh, don’t even try to play that Justin.  You know it was more than nothing.  And it was certainly more than just a dare!  You felt something when you kissed her.  We could all tell.  I mean, the way you was kissing here!” Joey grinned.

“Y’all are making more out of this than there is!  It’s not like that.  Kerrigan is….” he paused.  “Kerrigan!” he stated, unable to think of anything else.

“Yeah, but J if you coulda seen it from our perspectives you wouldn’t be saying that.  You can deny it all you want, but that kiss was definitely more than a dare!” JC spoke up.

“You guys must have had too much to drink then.” Justin shrugged, trying to play it off.

“Whatever, Justin.  You know you want her!” Joey laughed and the rest of the guys pretty much just nodded their agreement.

“Ok.  Let’s say hypothetically for a moment that I did enjoy the kiss and it was what ya’ll say it was.  WHICH IT’S NOT!” he was quick to add.  “But let’s say it was.  She’s with Cody.  She’s in love with Cody.” he said making a funny voice when he said in love.  “It wouldn’t matter anyways.”

“Yeah right, JuJu!  You know if you wanted Kerrigan you could have her.  You obviously didn’t see the look on HER face AFTER you kissed her.” Lance stated.

And at those words Cody had heard enough.  He stormed away from the door angrily, knocking into a metal chair that had been leaned against the wall, knocking it to the floor.  But in his anger he didn’t bother to pick it back up.  Instead he proceeded down the hall.

Mentally going over everything he had just heard.  Justin had kissed Kerrigan.  She hadn’t told him.  No wonder she was so quiet at lunch, she was obviously thinking about the kiss.  Probably fantasizing about it.

It was no secret to Cody that Kerrigan had cared for Justin before they started dating.  And his hopes had been that once they had gotten together she would forget all about him.  But how the hell was she supposed to do that if Justin all of the sudden was going to start kissing her.  And Cody could tell by the look on Justin’s face as he was talking to the guys about his hypothetical if he had enjoyed it, that he really had.  He had felt something.

Now Cody was even more angry.  Before he was jealous of Justin because he consumed so much of Kerrigan’s time and thoughts.  But now he was a possible threat at taking Kerrigan away from him.  Now that he knew that Justin was actually reciprocating those feelings for her, there was no telling what would happen next.

Well, Cody wasn’t going to wait around and let it happen.  Whatever IT may be.  He was going to do something about it.  He was going to put a stop to anything before it could even begin.  He’d be damned if he was going to let Justin Timberlake steal his girl from him.  There was no way in hell.  It was time for action he thought as he disappeared down the hall.

Completely oblivious to the fact that him knocking the chair over had raised the guy’s attention and Justin had come over to the door to see who was in the hallway and had seen Cody stalking away.

Justin merely stood there with a smirk on his face, convinced by Cody’s body language that he had just overheard what the guys were talking about.

“Who was it?” Lance asked, as Justin sat back down on the sofa.

“Cody.” he replied.

“Cody?  As in Kerrigan’s boyfriend Cody?” Joey questioned.

“That would be him.” Justin stated.

“Oh, shit!  You don’t think he heard us do you?” JC asked.

“I’m pretty sure he did.  The way he was storming off down the hall he looked pretty pissed.” Justin said.

“Oh, this isn’t good.  You know that he’s going to confront Kerrigan about it.” Trace said, worriedly.

“Oh, well.” Just shrugged.

“What do you mean, oh well?  This is gonna cause another fight between them Justin.” Trace glared at him.

“Well, maybe this will get rid of him.”

“Someone should at least warn her!” Lance stated.
 
 

Chapter 22

Kerrigan was wandering the halls of the venue in search of Cody.  The last show was over and all the guys were off to go get showers and changed for the big party they were having for the end of the concert.  All the Jive big wigs would be there, as well as Johnny and all the other “important people” involved with the concert.  It was basically a celebration of a successful tour.

However, that was the last thing on Kerrigan’s mind.  During the guy’s show Trace had informed Kerrigan about the incident with Cody earlier that afternoon.  That in itself pissed her off just to know that the guys had all chickened out and voted Trace the one to tell her about it, but not until they were on stage.  Good thing she hadn’t run into Cody earlier, because she would have been completely unprepared for that situation.

But now she was freaking out.  He apparently knew that Justin had kissed her and she was fairly positive he wasn’t going to take that lightly.  After all he was so jealous of Justin simply hugging her or kissing her on her cheek.  To know that he had actually full fledge kissed her on her lips.  To say he was going to be pissed, was putting it mildly.  Regardless of weather it was a dare or not.

Of course Trace hadn’t mentioned the other things that were said during that conversation, because he couldn’t be sure what Cody had overheard and what he didn’t.  Therefore he would leave that up to Cody.  He wasn’t about to nark himself and the guys out over nothing.  So Kerrigan was oblivious to the fact that Cody had overheard the guys teasing Justin about how he had supposedly enjoyed the kiss.

Rounding a  corner, Kerrigan stopped in her tracks when she seen Cody at the end of the hall talking to Jeremy.  He didn’t appear to be mad or anything.  But that didn’t prevent Kerrigan’s heart from racing a million miles a second.  She was really concerned about this.  She knew he was going to make a big deal out of it.  And it didn’t even mean anything.

Taking a deep breath Kerrigan braced herself for the worst before making her way down the hall towards him.  She walked up to him and Jeremy and waited on Cody to acknowledge her presence.  When he looked over at her he gave her somewhat of a glare, that was all Kerrigan needed to know that yeah, he was still upset about whatever he had overheard.

Figuring it was best to just get it over with Kerrigan cleared her throat and spoke.  “Sorry, to interrupt Jeremy, but Cody can I talk to you in private please?”

Jeremy smiled at her, apparently oblivious to any bad vibes being passed between the couple.  “No prob, Kerrigan.  I was just leaving anyway.  I’ll catch you guys later.” he said and then walked off.

Cody waited until Jeremy was gone before he finally gave Kerrigan his full attention.  “Yeah, we do have some things we need to talk about, huh.” he glared at her.

Kerrigan sighed.  “I know you overheard the guys talking earlier today.” she stated.

“Oh, yeah.  How’d you know that?” he eyed her.

“Apparently in your quick departure you knocked over a chair and they saw you stalking away.  They figured you heard what they were saying.” she paused.  “You know.  About Justin kissing me.” she added softly.

Cody’s eyes narrowed on her.  “Yeah, I know about that.” he growled and then looked up the hallway seeing some more crew members headed their way.  “Let’s take this somewhere more private.” he said grabbing her arm and pulling her along with him.

Cody walked down the hall a little ways, finding an empty room that was used for wardrobe.  Looking around to make sure no one was in the room, he pulled Kerrigan inside and closed the door behind them.

“So you wanna tell me about this kiss?” he questioned, his glare never softening for a minute.

“Cody, it’s really not what you think it is.  We were at the house last night, all the guys came over for like a pre-end of the tour celebration.  We were just hanging out, cause once everything’s over a lot of the guys will be going away for a while.  JC out to California.  Lance to Mississippi.  Chris down to Miami.  Joey up to New York.  So we just wanted to hang out before everyone went their separate ways.”

“What does that have to do with him kissing you?” he demanded.

Kerrigan’s shoulders slumped as she continued to explain.  “Well, like I said we were just hanging out.  We were drinking a little bit, but nothing extreme.  Just mostly watching movies and goofing off.  What we always do together pretty much.  Well, then Joey got the brilliant idea to play truth or dare.  And at first we were all hesitant about it, but it turned out to be really fun.”

Cody scoffed cutting her off.  “Oh, yeah.  Making out with Justin is a lot of fun, huh?”

“IT WASN’T LIKE THAT!” Kerrigan argued.  “We were daring each other to do stupid shit.  Like Justin dared Lance to get up and walk around and cluck like a chicken.  And the truth questions were really stupid questions.  It was all for fun.  Nothing serious.  Then Chris thought he was being cute and dared Justin to kiss me.  Both me and Justin glared at him and didn’t want to do it, but Justin knew that the rules were if he didn’t fulfill a dare or to tell the truth then you had to shave your pubes.”

“Shave your pubes?” Cody questioned.

“Yeah, you know.  Your pelvic hair.  And Justin’s a man’s man or whatever and didn’t wanna have to do that, so he gave me a peck on the lips.”

Cody cut her off again.  “The kiss I heard them talking about was no peck on the lips, Kerrigan.  Don’t stand here and try to lie to me, when I heard what they were saying!”

“Well, if you would let me finish!” she glared at him.  “He did give me a peck on the lips, but Chris insisted that wasn’t good enough.  He told Justin to kiss me like he meant it, and Justin said how am I supposed to do that when I don’t and Chris told him that he was a performer to perform.  So Justin did it.  He kissed me and that’s it.  It was no big deal.  It was like kissing my brother!  If I had one.” she shrugged.

So ok, that wasn’t the full truth, but he didn’t need to know all of that.  She was trying to dig herself out of a hole here.  She couldn’t very well tell him what she had really felt when Justin had kissed her.  That would only dig her a deeper grave.

Cody eyed her, allowing her words to sink in.  He could tell there was more to it than she was telling him.  He’d heard the way the guys were ranting and raving about it when they thought no one was listening.  Obviously, Kerrigan hadn’t been informed about that.  And since no one else had bothered to tell her about the things Justin had said, he wasn’t going to either.  That would only hurt him in the long run.  Lance’s words replayed in his mind.

“Yeah right, JuJu!  You know if you wanted Kerrigan you could have her.  You obviously didn’t see the look on HER face AFTER you kissed her.”

Yeah, that confirmed it.  He definitely wasn’t mentioning that.  All he needed was to give Kerrigan a reason to leave him.  He knew that she had thought of Justin as more than a friend, and when she decided to start dating him it was because she didn’t think Justin looked at her in that way.  All she needed was to know that Justin’s views on Kerrigan were apparently changing.  She’d leave him for sure if Justin showed any interest in her.

He knew what he had to do.  “Yeah, well they made it sound a lot more like it was your idea than his.” he stated, lying through his teeth.

“My idea?” Kerrigan questioned.

“Kerrigan, how stupid do you think I am?  You think I didn’t realize before we started dating that you  had a thing for Justin.  And apparently still do!”

“I DO NOT have a thing for Justin!” Kerrigan insisted.

“The hell you don’t!  I see the way you look at him.  You talk about him all the time.  He gets brought up in like every conversation.  You run after him like he’s some God, forgetting all about me.  Whenever he calls, you’re there, to hell with me.   And if it wasn’t more then why the hell did you tell me about it?” he demanded.

“I didn’t want you to get upset.  I knew you’d be mad.  You’re so jealous of him anyways I didn’t want to add to that.  You don’t’ have anything to be jealous of!  There’s nothing going on between me and Justin.  Never has been, never will be!”

“Oh, trust me I know that much from his side at least.  Although, I’m not too sure about you.  He made it very clear when I heard them talking that he doesn’t see you like that.  He said you was his sister and he could never be with you like that.  He pretty much said the same thing you just said, about kissing you.  Said it was like kissing his sister.  Only I actually believe what he said by the disgusted look that was on his face when he said it.  YOU on the other hand, didn’t seem to mean it when you said it!” he growled, angrily.

Kerrigan was near tears.  Why did he have to say that to her?  Couldn’t he have kept that information to himself?  Did he have to rub it in her face like that?

“I swear to you Cody, it’s nothing!  Ok, so I used to like Justin.  That was before I met you.  You’re my boyfriend.  You’re the one I love!” she declared.

“You’ve got a funny way of showing it!” he angrily spat back at her.

“Why are you saying such hurtful things?  I do love you, Cody.  I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t care about you.” Kerrigan pleaded.  Her world was crumbling right in front of her eyes.

“Then you need to prove it!  I’m sick of this shit!  How am I supposed to feel about this?  Knowing Justin kissed you and you were probably all beside yourself with giddiness thinking you actually had a chance with him!  He doesn’t look at you like that Kerrigan.  It was obvious before, and it’s even more obvious now.  He doesn’t want you.  Why are you willing to screw up a perfectly good relationship with me for him?”

“I’m not willing to do that!  I didn’t.  I told you it was a dare!  IT WASN‘T MY FAULT!” Kerrigan yelled, beside herself.  She didn’t know what else to do to make him see.

Cody grew angry when she raised her voice at him.  He grabbed her by her arms and forcefully jerked her to him.  “DON’T FUCKING LIE TO ME!” he yelled.

“I’m NOT lying!” Kerrigan pleaded, no longer able to hold her tears at bay, as they quickly began to roll down her cheeks.

“You think I’m stupid don’t you?” Cody said, jerking her as he said it.

Kerrigan winced in fear.  He’d never been this angry with her before.  He was scaring the shit out of her, yet she felt like it was all her fault and she deserved it.  He was right.  He knew how she felt about Justin’s kiss.  How she felt about Justin before himself.  He knew it all.  And he was throwing it in her face.

“ANSWER ME!” he yelled, when she didn’t reply.

“NO!  I don’t think you’re stupid.” she said, crying harder.

“Then quit treating me like I am!”

“I’m not.” she whimpered.

“YES YOU ARE!” he yelled again, gripping her arms tighter.

“Cody, please!  You’re hurting me!  Please let me go.” she pleaded.

“Not until you look me in the eyes and tell me that you feel nothing for him.  Kerrigan, I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me that he’s JUST a friend to you.”

Kerrigan didn’t know what to do.  She knew if she told him that he’d know she was lying.  Justin wasn’t just her friend.  He never had been and never would be.  At least not in her eyes.  Justin may not reciprocate her feelings, but she would always have a special place in her heart for him.  There was no way she could just make it go away.

“NOW, KERRIGAN!” he yelled, when she failed to say anything.

Terrified out of her mind at what was happening and still feeling incredibly guilty, Kerrigan looked him in the eyes as her body trembled.  “Justin is just a friend to me.  I feel nothing for him.  I love you.” she said as best she could through her tears.

An explosive anger built up in Cody from what he was seeing in her eyes.  She was lying through her teeth.  She was lying about everything.  He didn’t believe a word of it.  And even though she might believe that she really did love him, he could tell by the look in her eyes that she didn’t.

Exploding from the emotions raging through him, Cody yelled at her.  “YOU’RE FUCKING LYING, KERRIGAN!” as he pulled back and slapped her across her face, sending Kerrigan to the floor.

Chris was walking down one of the corridors.  Having already showered and changed into fresh clothing.  The hallway appeared to be deserted  there wasn’t a soul around.  Everyone had already apparently left for the after party.

As he continued to walk down the hall he heard shouting.  People were arguing somewhere.  Not really wanting to get involved with it he continued on his way trying to block out the angry voice.  But then he heard Kerrigan’s name muttered amongst whatever had been said and then a shrill scream.

Picking up his pace, Chris darted down the hall and quickly barged into the room he’d heard the scream come from, only to find Kerrigan slumped on the floor in tears, Cody standing over her.  Anger seeping from his every movement.

“What the hell’s going on in here?” Chris demanded.

Chapter 23

Cody looked up quickly, backing away from Kerrigan.  He didn’t know anyone was around.  He thought everyone had already left, but sure enough there stood Chris in the doorway, with a murderous look on his face.

“None of your business.” Cody spat back.

“When I hear Kerrigan screaming, I make it my business.” Chris growled back, making his way over to Kerrigan to check on her.

He kneeled down in front of her taking in her bloodshot eyes from crying, and the large hand imprint on her face.  Chris spun around, standing in front of Cody.  “YOU FUCKING HIT HER?”

“I didn’t hit her!” Cody lied.

“Then how the hell did she get that handprint on her face?” Chris demanded angrily.

“Maybe Justin left it when he was kissing her last night.” Cody spat back, just as angrily.

“Get real man!  Justin would NEVER put his hands on her like that.  You did that shit, do you think I’m fucking stupid or something?”

Cody shrugged.  “Hell if I know.”

Chris’ anger grew at how nonchalantly Cody was being about this whole thing.  Like he had no regrets at all.  He wasn’t attempting to apologize.  In stead he was standing there lying to Chris’ face, trying to claim he didn’t do it.   “I think you better get the fuck out of here before I do something I’m going to regret!” Chris growled.

“I’m not scared of you.” Cody gave him a bored look.

Chris stepped closer to him.  “Maybe not, but you should be.  Get the fuck out of here.  NOW!”

“Whatever man.” Cody shrugged, walking out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Chris quickly turned back to Kerrigan, whom was still slumped on the floor.  “Sweetie, are you ok?  What the happened?”

But Kerrigan couldn’t speak, she only erupted in a bout of tears.  Crying hysterically.

Seeing that broke Chris’ heart.  He felt horrible.  He knew this was about the kiss.  All he’d needed to know that was Cody’s bitter words about Justin kissing her.  He figured the guy would be pissed, but he never thought in a million years that he would physically harm Kerrigan.

Setting down beside her on the floor, Chris pulled Kerrigan into his arms.  Holding her tightly against his chest as she continued to cry, he rubbed one hand up and down her back hoping to sooth her and calm her down enough so she could tell him what had happened.

A few minutes later Kerrigan’s tears finally subsided.  Pulling way from Chris slightly Kerrigan looked up at him. “Thank you.” she mumbled softly.

“Sweetie, what happened?  Are you ok?  Why did he hit you?” Chris asked, trying to get some answers.

“He was mad Chris.  Trace told me about him overhearing you guys today and I came looking for him after the show so I could talk to him about it.  When we talked he got upset.  He accused me of all sorts of things.  Saying the kiss was my idea and that I had enjoyed it.  He said that I didn’t love him that I loved Justin.  He was so upset and so angry.”

“Is that why he hit you?  Because of Justin kissing you last night?” he asked, already knowing the truth.

“Chris you can’t tell anyone about this!” Kerrigan quickly stated, knowing what the others would do.

“What do you mean I can’t tell anyone?  He fucking hit you Kerrigan!” Chris argued.

“Yeah he did, but he felt like I was lying to him about me and Justin’s friendship and he got angry.  He was just hurt Chris.”

“Kerrigan, that DOES NOT give him the right to hit you!” he stared at her in astonishment.  If she started making excuses for the guy he was going to flip.

“I know it doesn’t, but you have to look at it from his side too!”

“Kerrigan, I can see it from his side.  If some guy kissed my girlfriend I’d be upset, no doubt about that, but I wouldn’t hit her over it!”

“Chris please!  PLEASE don’t tell Justin or the others.  You know Justin will flip out.  It’ll only make matters worse!” she begged.

“Kerr, you can’t ask me to do this.  He hit you!  Justin has the right to know.  This involves him too.”

Kerrigan shook her head fiercely.  “No it doesn’t.  What goes on between me and my boyfriend is none of his business.  He doesn’t need to know about this!”

“It concerns him too, Kerrigan.  This happened because of the kiss I dared him to give you!”

“I don’t care.  I don’t want him to know.  PLEASE, Chris!  Please don’t tell him!” Kerrigan pleaded.

Looking into Kerrigan’s pleading eyes, Chris felt incredibly guilty.  This was all his fault.  If he hadn’t dared Justin to kiss her, Cody never would have overheard the guys talking about it and he wouldn’t have ended up getting so angry and jealous over the whole thing that he would hit her.  Kerrigan was paying for something he had initiated.

Combining his inner guilt with the pleading look in Kerrigan’s eyes, Chris relented.  “FINE!  I won't tell anyone about this, but I’m making it clear that I’m not comfortable with keeping this a secret.  And I still maintain that Justin has a right to know and that you should tell him.

“I can’t, Chris.  I’m sorry but I can’t.” she sighed.  “You know as well as I do if you or I either one told him, Justin would completely lose it.  He would make it his life’s mission to track Cody down and beat the shit out of him, if not kill him.  You know how his temper is.  I don’t want him getting into trouble over me.”

“Kerrigan, you’re his friend.  He cares about you.  I’m sure that any amount of trouble that he would get into he wouldn’t care about.  That boy would walk to the ends of the earth for you and you know it.”

“You’re right.  I do know that, which is exactly why he doesn’t need to know.”

“I’m not following you here, Kerrigan.” Chris eyed her completely lost.

“You don’t need to.  Just swear to me that you won't tell him.  Promise me, Chris.  Give me your word as my friend that you won't tell Justin or the other guys about this.  Please!”

“Kerrigan I already said I wouldn’t and I won't.  I promise you I won't.  OK?  I swear I won't tell anyone unless you tell me it’s ok.  Which by the look on your face isn’t going to happen, so I won't be telling anyone.”

Kerrigan looked down at her hands and then back up to meet Chris’ eyes.  “Thank you, Chris.” she said, a tear trickling down her cheek again.

“Aw, sweetie.” Chris said, pulling her back into his arms to embrace her.  “Everything’s going to be ok.  It’s over now.” he whispered softly into her hair.

“Yeah.” Kerrigan sighed.

Chris gave her a few moments to collect herself.  When he finally felt that she had gotten herself together the best she could under the circumstances, he smiled at her.  “So are you gonna go to the after party?”

Kerrigan shook her head solemnly.  “I just wanna go home and go to bed.  I’m tired.”

Chris nodded, he didn’t figure she’d be up to going to any parties in the state she was in.  “Do you want me to stay with you?  Keep ya company?”

“That’s not necessary, Chris.  I’m fine.  Just shook up is all.  I just need to sleep.”

“Ok, well at least let me drive you back to the house.  You road here with Trace and Justin so you don’t have your car here right?”

“Yeah.  I was planning on going to the party with Cody, but we both know how that worked out.” she said, sighing again.

Seeing Kerrigan like this was really breaking Chris’ heart.  He’d never seen her so upset in all the years he had known her.  And he couldn’t even imagine what was going through her head right then.  She was probably really tearing herself up inside.

“Ok, then.” Chris said getting to his feet, then pulling Kerrigan to hers.  “I’ll take ya home on my way to the party.”

“Ok.  Thanks again, Chris.”

“No problem sweetie.  You’re my girl, you know I’d do anything for ya.” he smiled at her.

Kerrigan gave him her best smile.  “I love you, Chris.  You’ve always been such a good friend to me.”

“I love you to, Kerr.” Chris said smiling, and then began to lead her towards the door.  “Now let’s get your stuff and get the hell outta here.”

Chris entered the club that the after party was being held at about an hour later.  He had driven Kerrigan home and seen her to the door of the house to make sure she got in ok.

Kerrigan making him promise one last time before he left that he wouldn’t say anything about what had happened.  Chris only prayed that he would be able to keep that promise.  Because if he seen Cody at the party, he wasn’t sure what he would do.

Making his way through the club, Chris looked around for any sign of the guys.  He spotted a lot of their crew there.  And a bunch of the Jive big wigs that they knew would be there.  He still found it funny that they were celebrating all their hard work, when all they did was sit behind a desk in a big office building.  And they called that work.

Spotting Justin and the guys in a far corner, Chris proceeded to make his way through the crowd and over to the table they were all sitting at.  Drinks in hand, talking cheerily.  Chris wished he felt half as good about being there as the others appeared to.  His mood for a party had flown out the door the minute he heard Kerrigan scream.  Combine that with his guilt and everything else, he would rather just go home.  He wasn’t even sure why he had came in the first place.

Walking up to the table he pulled out a chair and sat down, without saying a word to any of the guys.  They didn’t seem to really notice though.  They were too caught up in their own conversation about something one of the execs had said to JC.

Finally, a few minutes later Justin turned to him.  “Chris, did you see Kerr on your way in?  She’s supposed to be here, but so far I haven’t seen her anywhere.”

“She’s not coming.” Chris shrugged, not bothering to look at Justin.  He knew if he did that it would be too easy for him to just blurt everything out.

“What do you mean she’s not coming?”

“Exactly what I said.  She’s not coming.”

“Did she say why?”

“She’s tired.  Didn’t feel like going to a party.” Chris said, again shrugging.

“I don’t understand that.  She was all pumped up about it earlier today when I talked to her last.” Justin stated.

“Yeah, well if I’d just gotten into an argument like the one she just got into with Cody, I wouldn’t  feel much like partying either.”

“What do you mean?” Justin asked, growing serious.

“They had a big falling out over everything.”

“Oh.  So they broke up?”  Justin asked hopefully.  Maybe he was finally rid of Cody Davis.

“Justin, I really think you should have told her about the whole him overhearing us talking thing.  And I honestly think one of us should have been with her when she talked to him about it, so we could explain it was just a joke.  A dare.”

“Why?  Then he probably wouldn’t have cared!  They’d still be together.”

Chris glared at Justin.  He was so tempted to just blurt out, “BECAUSE HE HIT HER YOU IDIOT”, but he quickly remembered that he had sworn to Kerrigan that he wouldn’t say anything and he knew that she had already been hurt enough because of him and he wasn’t about to make things any worse on her.  “Because they got into a huge argument.  I mean HUGE, Justin!”

“Well, that’s good right?  I mean they broke up, so at least we don’t have to worry about Cody being around anymore.” Justin shrugged, not really seeing what the big deal was.  Cody and Kerrigan had argued before.  And he was just happy to hear that they had broken up.

“Cody should be the least of your worries right now, Justin.  Kerrigan is back at the house bawling her eyes out.  He said some really hurtful and hateful things to her.  I mean it was awful.  When I found her she was slumped on the floor, completely broken down.” Chris emphasized.  So it wasn’t the whole truth, but most of it was true.  She was really upset.  And when he found her she had been on the floor, broken down.  Although, for a different reason than Chris made it out to be.

“She’s that upset?” Justin asked, suddenly concerned.  He’d been so caught up in what he wanted that he hadn’t stopped to think about what Kerrigan wanted, or how she would feel as a result of the whole thing.

“Justin, she’s devastated.” Chris said seriously.  “I’ve never seen her so upset in all the years I’ve known her.  I mean it’s bad, J.  Really bad.”

“Shit!” Justin muttered.  “What do I do?” he asked, hoping Chris would have some answers.

“Right now I would just give her space.  Don’t push her to talk about it if she doesn’t want to.  She was really upset, and I managed to get a little out of her, but just don’t push her ok.”

Justin nodded, getting up from his seat.  “I’m gonna go home and check on her.  Make sure she’s ok.”

“J, you should probably just let her be.” Chris objected.

“No.  I need to go make sure she’s ok.  If she’s as upset as you say she is Chris, then she needs me there.  Kerrigan’s more important than this shit.”  Justin said, pushing his chair in.  “I’ll talk to you guys later.”  And then he left.
 

Chapter 24

( The next day )

Justin stood in the kitchen making himself a sandwich for lunch, as he continued to watch Kerrigan from the corner of his eye.  She sat at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal.  It wasn’t so much that she was eating cereal in the middle of the day that concerned him.  They both had a habit of doing that all the time.  It was the way she was eating.  It was like she was a machine or something.

All of her movements seemed to be mechanical.  It was like she was on auto pilot.  She showed no emotion and she’d hardly spoken since she had come down from her room only a mere hour before.

The night before when Justin had gotten back to the house, Kerrigan was locked in her room.  She refused to answer the door, stating that she was tired and just wanted to be alone.  He had tried for a good two hours to get her to come out or let him in, but she never did.

So then he had resorted to just sitting in the hallway.  Surely she’d come out of her room at some point.  He ended up spending the majority of the night sitting outside of her door, but she never did come out.

Finally after dozing off several times and constant urging from Trace, Justin gave up and went to his own room for the remainder of the night.  Although, he hadn’t slept very well.  And then he had gotten back up early, just in case she would be up.  But still nothing.

It was obvious that she was taking the whole thing a lot worse than Justin could have predicted and it tore him up inside.  Sure he was happy with the outcome and it had been what he had wanted.  Until of course he seen the shape Kerrigan was in.  He never wanted her to be that upset or unhappy.  It killed him to see her in so much pain.

Putting the final touches on his sandwich, Justin quickly put everything back in it’s place and then headed over to the table.  He sat the sandwich down and then walked back over to the refrigerator to grab a can of beer before returning to the table.

Popping the beer can open and taking a gulp, he sat their quietly hoping that she would initiate some kind of conversation with him.  But of course she didn’t.  She merely continued to eat the remainder of her cereal as Justin bit into his sandwich.

After chewing the contents in his mouth thoroughly Justin couldn’t take the silence anymore and spoke up.  “So how are you feeling this morning?”

Kerrigan looked up from her food and met Justin’s intense gaze.  “I’m fine.” she said, returning her eyes back to her cereal.

Justin could tell by looking at her that she wasn’t fine.  Her eyes were dead in a sense.  He wasn’t exactly sure how to describe it.  Kerrigan’s eyes were normally so full of life and spunk that they sparkled, but today they were filled with so many different emotions.  Sadness, hurt, and a few other things he couldn’t exactly place.  He’d never seen that kind of look or those kind of emotions in Kerrigan’s eyes before.  And that only troubled him more.

He had been worrying for the longest time that Cody was going to hurt her.  He had known somewhere in his gut that eventually it would happen and that she would be devastated.  But even in all the countless times he had thought about this particular scenario, he had never envisioned such a devastation in her.

Justin cleared his throat.  “Just so you know, I know what happened last night.”

Kerrigan’s eyes shot up frantically.  “What do you mean you know what happened last night?” she asked desperately.  “Chris, SWORE he wouldn’t say anything!”

Justin gave her a peculiar look.  “Why would Chris swear not to tell me about you and Cody’s argument?”

“What did he tell you?” she questioned.

Justin continued to look at her oddly.  “Just that you two got into a big fight about the dare from the other night and broke up.  Why?  Is there more?”

Kerrigan looked back down at the table.  Broke up?  That was something she hadn’t even thought about.  After everything else that had been running through her head.  Her and Cody breaking up had never even occurred to her.  She supposed it should have.  Especially, after he had hit her, but it hadn’t.  And hearing Justin say the words created another string of questions to run rampant in her mind.

“Kerrigan?” Justin pushed when she didn’t answer him.  “Is there something else I should know about?”

Her eyes shot back up to Justin, to study him and see if there were any signs of him knowing the truth.  That maybe by some chance Chris had told him and asked him not to mention it.  But there was nothing in his eyes but concern and Kerrigan knew that if Justin had any suspicions at all about what had truly happened there would be anger in his eyes, not concern.

“No.” she finally muttered.  “That’s the jist of it.”

Justin looked down at the table for a moment before looking back up at her face.  “You know you can talk to me right?  I mean if you feel like you need to talk that is.”

He really wasn’t sure what to say.  He’d been through several of his own breakups, but Kerrigan had only been in two relationships in her life.  At least that he was aware of.  And neither of those relationships had ever been remotely serious enough to induce this kind of reaction from her.

Hell, she had claimed to be in love with Cody.  So he could only imagine what she was going through.  What thoughts and feelings were racing through her.  He’d give anything to take the pain away, but he also knew that this was something she had to go through.  It was a part of life.  A learning experience.

“I’m fine, Justin.” she stated, getting up from the table to take her empty bowl to the sink.

“I was just saying.”

“I appreciate it J, but really I’m fine.  Just got a lot on my mind.” she said as she rinsed her bowl and placed it in the dishwasher.

Turning around Kerrigan met Justin’s relentless stare.  He was watching her closely.  Too closely.  It was almost like he suspected that there was more to the story than what he had been told.

Sighing Kerrigan began to make her way out of the room.  She couldn’t stand Justin looking at her like that.  She knew if she were to allow it to continue that she would eventually break down and tell him everything.  And that was the last thing she needed to do.

If he found out about what had happened with Cody he would go completely insane.  Justin was one of the sweetest guys you could ever hope to meet.  He had a big heart and was as gentle as a lamb.  Until you hurt someone he cares about, then it was a completely different story.  And Kerrigan knew that if he found out that Cody had physically harmed her that he would lose all control and there was no telling what he would do.  And that was something that she could not allow to happen.

She would not allow Justin to get into any trouble over her.  He was a celebrity and in the public eye and anything like that would surely damage his career and create more problems for him than the average person.  She was not going to be the person responsible for messing up her Best Friends career.

Over the next couple of days Justin had managed to get Kerrigan out of the house with him and Trace.  They had went to Universal Studios for a day of fun.  And had even gone out to a club one night, but things still weren’t the same with Kerrigan.

She put on one hell of an act.  Gave them her best smile.  Laughed at their corny jokes and antics.  But Justin could still see the lost look in her eyes.  The sparkle had yet to return.  He knew she was putting on a show for his and Trace’s benefit.

When she didn’t think anyone was looking he could see her sulking, lost in thought.  Depressed.  He could see that she was in pain and that caused Justin to be in pain.

He had wanted her and Cody to break up.  Hell, he hadn’t wanted them together from the get go.  And he still didn’t want them together.  But the simple fact of the matter was that he could not stand to see Kerrigan the way she was.  Walking around as a shell of a person.  He just couldn’t take it anymore.

And that’s where he found himself.  Doing something he never thought in a million years that he would be doing.  Calling Cody.

Sometime over the last couple of days Justin had made a silent agreement within himself that if Kerrigan’s mood didn’t change and she didn’t perk up, that he would call him.  That he would call Cody and try his best to explain things to him.  Call him and ask him to come talk to Kerrigan.  To work things out.

It took everything inside of him to make the phone call.  He still didn’t trust Cody as far as he could throw him.  And he still didn’t like the guy.  But at the same time he loved Kerrigan.  Loved her so much that he would put his own feelings and concerns aside so that she could be happy.  If Cody was what made her happy, then Cody it would be.

The line rang several times before an answering machine finally picked up and Justin heard Cody’s voice giving the normal I’m not home, leave a message that was always recited on answering machines.

When he heard the beep he took a deep breath and willed himself to say the words he so dreaded to say.  “Hey Cody, it’s Justin.  Um…Justin Timberlake, Kerrigan’s friend.  Look I’m calling because we need to talk.  She’s been real upset the last few days about everything that happened between the two of you and I really think it would be a good idea if you came over and the two of you talked about….”

Justin was cut off when Cody suddenly picked up the phone.  “Hello?”

“Cody?” Justin asked wearily.

“Yeah, it’s me.  I’m screening my calls.”

“Oh, ok.” Justin paused for a moment.  “Did you hear what I said?”

“Yeah, I heard you.  You want me to come talk to Kerrigan?” Cody stated, while wondering to himself if Justin knew what had happened.  Surely, he couldn’t know the details of everything that had happened. Cody knew there was no way Justin would be calling him asking him to come work things out with her if he did.

“Yeah.  She’s been real upset and depressed and I’m worried about her.  I know you’re pissed off about what you overheard, but I guarantee you it’s not what you think it was.  It was a dare by Chris.  And we had all been drinking.  It wasn’t anything more than that.”

“You sure about that man?  Because the way you were gloating and talking to the guys about it, it sure sounded like more than a dare to me.” came Cody’s bitter reply.

Justin sighed, Cody was testing his patience.  What he felt and thought about things was none of his business.  The only thing he should be concerned with is that Kerrigan hadn’t done anything wrong.  “Look I know what you overheard.  I was there, I had the conversation.  But I can promise you that you took it out of context.  Kerrigan is my friend.  My best friend and while we both know that I don’t like you in the least, and I’m sure the feelings are mutual, she’s not happy.  And I don’t like seeing Kerrigan unhappy.  So I’m willing to put aside my feelings for her sake.  All I want is for Kerrigan to be happy and if you make her happy than so be it.  I don’t agree with it and I don’t like it, but that’s just the way it is.”

“Sure it is.” Cody retorted.

“Look man, my patience is wearing thin.  Are you gonna come talk to her or not?  Because if you don’t want to work things out with her, that’s more than fine with me!  I’ll handle it.  But I just thought I’d try this first.”

“You’re not going to interfere anymore?” Cody asked.

“I didn’t interfere the first time!” Justin retorted.

“That’s bullshit and you know it!” Cody argued.

“Dude, I’m not arguing with you about this.  If you wanna talk to her, you know where we live.  If not, then whatever.  But don’t say I didn’t give you the chance.” Justin spat angrily.  He was now kicking himself in the ass for even making the call.

“You never did give me a chance.  You didn’t like me from the beginning and we both know why!”

“I’m hanging up.  I didn’t call to argue with you.  Kerrigan’s my friend and I love her and I wanna do what’s best for her.  She obviously cares a lot about you because I’ve never seen her so upset about something before.  But this is your choice man and I’m not going to argue with you about shit that doesn’t matter.  So you make your choice.  Later!” and Justin hung up.

Cody sat there for a minute, allowing the conversation to sink in.  Justin loved Kerrigan more than Cody had initially realized.  Especially, if he was willing to set his feelings for her aside and allow Cody back into the picture.

He knew Justin didn’t like him.  That had been evident from the first time they had met.  And the fact that he was now just willing to step aside and allow Cody and Kerrigan’s relationship to exist somewhat baffled him.  But at the same time it pleased him.

And then there were the things Justin had said about Kerrigan.  Perhaps he had misjudged her feelings.  He was still sure that she had feelings for Justin other than just friendship, but if she was seriously as upset and depressed as Justin said.  Enough so that Justin himself would intervene and do something that Cody was sure took a lot of willpower on his part.  Then maybe she did love him as she claimed she did.  Maybe he had been wrong in his assumptions.

That thought brought a smile to his face.  He did love Kerrigan.  She was the first girl that he had ever cared for the way he cared for her.  It just became too complicated for him to constantly be competing with Justin’s affections.  But if she truly cared about him the way Justin said then that shouldn’t be a problem.  Especially, after he worked things out with her.

Justin taking the step to push them back together only gave him more ammunition to throw at her.  Showing her that Justin didn’t reciprocate the feelings she had for him.  And Cody was positive that with enough reminders and ample time he could rid himself of Justin completely.

He knew that love was a very powerful thing and that if Kerrigan loved him as it appeared she did and he used that for all it was worth.  Then he would be able to make the impossible possible.  He would be able to push Justin Timberlake as far out of her life as he needed to.

And what he needed was to get rid of him completely.
 

Chapter 25
 

Kerrigan was in her bedroom, laying on her bed relaxing and watching TV when there was a knock on her door.  She groaned.  “Justin, I told you I don’t feel like going out with you and Trace tonight.  What part of that don’t you understand?” she shouted at the door.

He had been begging her all afternoon to go out to a new club that had just opened with him and Trace that evening but Kerrigan didn’t feel like going anywhere.  She still had too many things running through her mind and the way she had been playing everything off for the last few days was finally catching up to her.

She was exhausted and didn’t want to be around a bunch of people.  She just wanted to veg out in her room and relax.  She didn’t even want to be around Justin and Trace.  She was sick of their pleading looks.

She knew they were wise to her game and that she wasn’t as happy as she was pretending to be, but she still couldn’t find it in herself to talk to them about it.  If she talked to them about it then it made everything real.  And she didn’t want it to be real.  She wanted to wake up and find that it was all a bad dream.

Kerrigan huffed when another knock came from the door.

“I TOLD YOU NO!” she yelled.

Again there was a knock on the door, only this time it was a little louder.

Kerrigan jumped up off her bed and stormed over to the door, throwing it open.  “What part of NO don’t you…”  she abruptly stopped her rant upon seeing who was standing before her.

It wasn’t Justin.  And it wasn’t Trace.  It was Cody.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, staring at him.

“I wanted to come talk to you.” he shrugged.

“And Justin let you in the house?” Kerrigan questioned.  She found it odd that Justin would let him in.  It was no secret that Justin didn’t like that guy.  And she hadn’t failed to notice that he seemed happy that she and Cody were no longer together.  So she really couldn’t understand why Justin would let him in the house, let alone up to her bedroom.

“Actually, he called me earlier today.  Asked me to come talk to you.”

Now that really shocked her.  Justin had called Cody and asked him to come talk to her?  What the hell was going on?  “He called you?”

“Yeah, he did.  Can I come in?” Cody asked.

Kerrigan pulled the door open wider so that Cody could enter the room.  Once he was in she peeked her head out in the hallway to see if it was some kind of joke and the guys and some kind of camera crew were out there or something.  But there was nobody in the hallway.

Turning back to the room she closed the door and walked over to her bed and sat down.  “Justin, actually called you?”  She was really having trouble with that one.

Cody internally smirked at her astonishment to that fact.  This was going to be easier than he had thought.  “Yeah.  He was worried about you.  He called me this morning and asked me to come over and talk to you.  To see if we could work things out.”

“I’m sorry I just can’t believe that he called you.” Kerrigan stated, looking down at her hands.  She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to be reacting to the news.  Or to Cody standing there in front of her.

“I was pretty shocked myself.  I mean it’s no big secret the guy doesn’t like me much.  He must have been pretty concerned for him to take that step.”  he said as he warily sat down beside her on the bed.

“Yeah.”  Kerrigan said softly, barely above a whisper.

Cody cleared his throat.  It was time for him to put on the performance of his life.  It was time for him to act like he really regretted what had happened.  It was time for him to put his plan into motion.

“Well, like I said I’m here to talk.  I, uh…well…I want to apologize for what happened.  I should never have hit you, Kerrigan.  I was just angry and upset and it got the best of me.  I feel really horrible about it.  I really care about you a lot, and I never meant to hurt you.”

Kerrigan looked up at him.  “I really care about you too.”

Cody smiled.  “I think that given some time and some work we can overcome this obstacle.  I mean I know nothing I can do or say will ever make up for what happened.  And if you don’t trust me I understand, but I really do feel horrible, Kerrigan.  I love you and I never meant to hurt you.”

When she didn’t say anything he rushed to explain further, thinking that his words were falling on deaf ears.  “I mean I was just upset.  I thought that something was going on with you and Justin and I just lost it.  I love you so much and I couldn’t stand the thought of you leaving me for him.  And when I heard him talking about that kiss, I thought it was happening.  I didn’t know what to do.  What to think.  Nothing made any sense and I was just so upset I didn’t act rationally.  But Justin explained everything to me.  He told me that it was just a dare and that you guys had been drinking.  He promised me it wasn’t anything more than a dare.  He told me that you’re just his friend and he loves you as only a friend and that he couldn’t stand seeing his friend upset like you’ve been.  And when he told me that I felt even worse because of what I had done!  I can’t believe I hit you Kerrigan.  You didn’t do anything wrong.  You were being totally honest with me and I accused you of so many horrible things!  You’ll never know how horrible I feel or how sorry I am.  I can’t apologize enough.  I just don’t know what else to say.”

“It’s ok.” she said softly.

Cody wasn’t sure he had heard her correctly.  He was expecting more of a fight out of her about this.  “Kerrigan, it’s not ok.  You have to understand I was upset and I didn’t know what I was doing.”

“It’s ok I understand.”  she said.  And she really did.  Kerrigan knew that when people were hurting they often did and said things they didn’t mean to do.  She’d had moments like that in her past and she didn’t feel it was right to hold it against Cody when she was guilty of the same things herself.  Granted she had never hit someone, but still he had been hurt and he didn’t know what he was doing.  Or at least that was her logic.

“You understand?” he questioned.

“You were hurt and upset.  People do things they don’t mean to do when they’re upset and hurting.  You’re not a bad guy Cody.  I know you wouldn’t do something like that to me for no reason.  You were just upset.”

Cody was leaping for joy inside.  He could not believe his luck.  He thought for sure that he would have to beg and plead his way back into her arms.  She had always been such a tough girl and very stubborn.  He assumed that after he had struck her she would not be as willing to take him back, even if she did love him.  But this was beyond anything he could have hoped for.  She was basically opening her arms to him and welcoming him back without any questioning at all.  He couldn’t believe his luck.

“So you’re not mad?” he asked.

Kerrigan thought about that for a moment.  She still wasn’t sure what she felt about the whole thing.  She was hurt and she was shocked that it had happened in the first place, but she honestly couldn’t say that she was mad. It just wasn’t clear what she felt about it.

Shrugging she looked up at him.  “I don’t know what I feel.  I’m not happy about it.  I’m hurt.  But I also know that you didn’t mean to do it.  And you’ve apologized so there’s no need to dwell on what happened.  I mean if you really want to work this out and are willing to give me another chance, then I’m willing to take it.”

Willing to give her another chance?  Was she for real?  The whole scenario should be flipped.  He should be begging and pleading with her to take him back.  She should be the one saying she’s willing to give HIM another chance.  Cody just could not believe how things were working out.  This really did give him so much more power over her.  And that thought alone caused a feeling of pleasure inside of him that could not be described in words.

Not wanting to use any words that might change her mind or make her see where the true fault lied in the situation, he smiled at her sweetly.  “I’d be more than happy to give you another chance.  I really love you Kerrigan and I know that this can work if we just try.  I mean some things need to change, but we can talk about that later.  Right now I think we should just focus on making up for the last few days we’ve been apart.  I’ve really missed you.”

Kerrigan smiled in return.  Her heart was starting to do somersaults again at his words.  There had always been something about the way that Cody talked to her that made her feel so special.  He always seemed to really care.  And to have his beautiful brown eyes looking at her in the way he was.  Full of desire and need, made her weak.

“I missed you too.”

Cody smiled brighter and leaned in to kiss her.  God, he had missed the feel of her lips.  They were perfect in his opinion.  Everything about her was perfect.  The way she kissed him.  The way she pulled him to her when they were embracing each other.

Running his hand down to her upper thigh he relished the feeling.  He loved her body.  She had an amazing body.  That was yet another perfect thing about her.  The only thing that was not perfect about Kerrigan in his opinion, was her choice of friends.  Namely Justin.

But soon the time would come when he would no longer be a problem.  When he would no longer be a part of their lives and then he would really be able to relish in her perfection.  Because once Justin was out of the picture then she would be all his.  He would no longer have to share her with anyone.  And that was what he truly wanted.

Meanwhile Justin lurked in the hallway a few feet away from Kerrigan’s door, hoping to hear some kind of negative response.  Some form of yelling on Kerrigan’s part to indicate that she didn’t want Cody there and had no intentions of getting back together with him.

But as the time passed and the longer they were in there together and he heard nothing, he knew that what he was hoping to happen, wasn’t going to.  They were back together.  And somehow he was going to have to find a way to deal with it.
 

Chapter 26

( 3 weeks later )

Over the last few weeks a lot of things had changed.  After Cody and Kerrigan had made up things seemed to go back to normal.  Or as normal as they could be considering that Justin hardly ever seen Kerrigan anymore.

She was back to her happy, spunky self.  However, she was always out and about somewhere with Cody.  Hardly ever home.

Although, tonight was going to be an exception.  Justin had called her earlier that afternoon and made her promise to be home that evening to spend time with him because he had some very important news to share with her.

Kerrigan had agreed willingly and with little argument, which had somewhat shocked Justin because lately it seemed like he had to practically beg and plead to spend any time with her, without Cody being around in some way, shape or form.  But he was far to excited and the news he had to share with her was far to important so he totally blew it off.

Pulling up to the house, Justin spotted Kerrigan’s car parked in the driveway.  A grand smile spread across his face.  She had kept her promise and was there.  He couldn’t wait to see the look on her face when he shared the wonderful news with her.

He made his way into the house and found Kerrigan sprawled out on the sofa watching MTV.  Throwing his bag down on the floor, he jumped over the back of the sofa landing on Kerrigan’s legs.

“What ya watchin’?” he asked, giving her a goofy smile when she glared at him for sitting on her.

“I WAS watching MTV, until some tall, goofy looking mofo decided to jump on me.”

“Since when am I goofy looking?  I’ll have you know that there are millions of girls worldwide that would argue with that statement.  Handsome, gorgeous, sexy, yes.  But goofy, no.” he said shaking his head at her.

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Kerrigan stated, squirming to move out from under him.

“Something wrong?” Justin smirked at her attempts.

“Oh, no nothing at all.  Just some dumbass sitting on my legs.  Would you move?”

“Sure!” he said perkily, as he gave one last bounce before standing up so Kerrigan could remove her legs from under him.

“You’re entirely too giddy.  What’s up with you?” she asked, as she sat up on the sofa, tucking her legs beneath her.  Justin setting down as well.

“I have some really GREAT news, Kerr.  I woulda told you on the phone earlier but I wanted to tell you in person.  But not yet.  I want to take you out to dinner.  We need to celebrate.”

“Dinner?” Kerrigan questioned.

“YES, dinner!  Come on.  Run upstairs and change into something nice.  We’re going someplace special.  This is big news!” he urged.

Kerrigan was reluctant at first, but then figured what the hell.  She hadn’t really spent any real amount of time with Justin lately.  And whatever this news was that he wanted to share with her seemed important.  So she slowly got up from the sofa, looking back over at him.

“How nice?” she asked.

“How nice what?”

“How nice should I dress?  Like give me an idea of where we’re going.”

“OH!  Um, wear something nice.  A dress maybe.  I don’t know.  Just something nice for a first class restaurant.”

Kerrigan nodded as she started to retreat to her room, but then looked back over at Justin who was still sitting on the sofa.  Examining the clothing he was wearing she smirked at him.  “You better put something different on too, J.  If I gotta dress up, you’re surely not wearing THAT!” she said of his sweat pants and t-shirt.

“I planned on it smart ass.” he grumbled getting up from the sofa.

“Well, I’m only saying.  I mean we both know it takes you longer to get ready than it does me.  So really you should get up there and get to it.  I could actually stand to watch TV for another hour or so before I would even need to start getting ready.”

Justin walked over to where Kerrigan was standing and smiled at her adoringly.  “I love your sarcasm.  My life wouldn’t be complete without it.”

“Who’s being sarcastic?  You do take longer to get ready than I do!” Kerrigan scoffed.

Justin rolled his eyes, as he pushed past her to head upstairs.  “Not my fault I’m a gorgeous hunk of man.”

“Yeah, and that ego of yours isn’t your fault either!” Kerrigan called after him, laughing.

Two hours later Kerrigan and Justin were seated in one of Orlando’s swankiest restaurants.  They had just placed their orders with the waiter and were sitting quietly looking around the room.

Kerrigan had noticed how excited Justin was.  He was practically bouncing up and down in his seat, which put a smile on her face.  She loved seeing him that happy.  Obviously whatever news he had to share with her was really good news, which was enough to make her happy on it’s own.  Just as long as he was happy, that was all she cared about.  But to see him THAT happy, well she couldn’t help herself but to smile at him.

But when Justin locked eyes with her and smiled back.  His eagerness and joy reflected in his eyes, Kerrigan’s smile slowly fell from her face.  It had just struck her why she had agreed to meet up with him that evening in the first place.  She had news of her own to share with him.  News Kerrigan was sure Justin wouldn’t be happy about.  And knowing that whatever she was about to tell him, would more than likely ruin the mood put a damper on things.

However, she needed to tell him.  She had put it off long enough and she really couldn’t put it off any longer.  But she would wait until he got his good news out of the way before she spilt her news to him, fearing that if she told him what she needed to tell him first, he would never get around to sharing his.

Taking a quick sip of her wine, that Justin had ordered, Kerrigan cleared her throat and smiled at him.  “So are you going to tell me tonight?  Or are you going to make me wait until tomorrow?” she urged.

Justin smiled at her in return.  “I don’t know.  Maybe I should make you guess.  That might be more fun.”

Kerrigan rolled her eyes.  “Just tell me, J.  Whatever it is, it’s got you bouncing in your seat so just spill it already.  I know you want to.”

“You take all the fun out of it.” he groaned, shifting in his seat.

“Well, you got me all anxious with the way you’ve been fidgeting.  I wanna know what this good news is, so just tell me already.”

“Fine.  Fine.” he sighed.  “Well, you know how I was talking to Jive over the last few weeks about possibly doing a solo album?”

“Yeah.” Kerrigan said eagerly.  She was already smiling, because all he had to do was mention that and she knew what all the fuss was about.  And rightly so.  This was great news.

“Well, I got the call today while I was out with Trace.  I got my solo deal!” he beamed.

“Oh my God, Justin.  That’s GREAT!” Kerrigan smiled.  “I’m so happy for you!”

“This is gonna be so great, Kerr.  I’ve got like soul creative freedom with this record.  They’re gonna let me do my own thing.  Write all my own stuff and everything.  It’s gonna be amazing!”

“Well, do you know when you’re gonna start recording?  Have you written anything yet?  I mean give me details!” Kerrigan urged, she was so excited for him.  Justin had been wanting this for a long time, and Kerrigan couldn’t be prouder if she wanted to.

“Well, I know I’m gonna be working with Pharrell and Chad a lot.  And I’ve been keeping some lyrics written down for a while now.  Messing around with stuff.  The only thing I know that’s definite right now, is that I’m going to be heading over to Virginia Beach to record.  You know somewhere different and unexpected.  Plus, that’s where Pharrell and Chad are.”

“Wow.  Virginia Beach, huh?  That’s cool.  Not what I expected, but I think that would probably work out better in the long run.”

“Yeah, it’ll give me some privacy.  No one would expect me to go there, and we’re gonna keep this whole solo thing low key for a while.  Not ready for it to go public yet.”

“Understandable.  Gosh, I can’t believe this.  You’re doing a solo album.” Kerrigan smiled to herself.  Again overwhelmed with proud ness.

“Yeah, I’m kinda still in shock too.  When I got the call, Kerr I literally started crying.  I mean I’ve been wanting this for so long.  You know!”

“Yeah, I know.” she nodded.  “So um, when does recording or whatever start?  You know when you supposed to meet up with Pharrell and Chad?”

Justin noticeably sunk into his seat.  “That’s the thing.  We’re kinda jumping on this fast.  I’m flying over to Virginia in three days to meet up with the guys and we’re gonna go from there.”

“Three days?” Kerrigan questioned, shocked.

“Yeah, I know that’s quick.  But I really want to get to work on this.  I’m so excited, I just want to get into the studio.  And Pharrell and Chad are free, so there’s no time like the present.”

“Well, hey you gotta do what ya gotta do, right.” Kerrigan shrugged.

“Right.” Justin smiled, glad to see she was as excited as he was about the whole thing.

“Does your Mom know?” Kerrigan asked, and then internally scolded herself for even asking.  Of course his Mom would know.  She was undoubtedly the first person he called after getting the news.

“Yeah, she knows.  I called her first.” Justin nodded.

“Yeah, I should have known that.”

Justin smirked at her.  “Yeah, you should have.  But listen.  So we leave in three days.  We’re gonna fly over to Virginia and we’ll be there for at least a week sorting everything out.  Then once we have the game plan down we can come back and get some things to take over there with us.  I figured since we’re gonna be there for a while I’ll rent like a pent house suite or something.  You know so we don’t have to deal with regular hotel rooms.”

Kerrigan sunk into her seat.  “We?” she questioned.

Justin eyed her wearily.  “Yeah, we.  Me, you and Trace.”

“Oh.”

Justin studied Kerrigan’s demeanor.  It had suddenly changed from being overly excited for him and his good news to completely withdrawn.  There was something going on that she hadn’t told him about.  “You don’t seem to happy about that news.” he stated.

“It’s not that I’m not happy, J it’s just…”

“Just what?” he urged, when she didn’t continue.

Kerrigan sighed.  “Justin, I got something I need to tell you.  I know you’re not going to like this, but I need to tell you.”

Justin sat up in his chair, his heart sinking.  He did not like the sound of that.  She was already telling him he wasn’t going to like it.  That right there told him he REALLY wasn’t going to like it.  “What’s wrong, Kerrigan?” he asked.

“Nothing’s wrong.  It’s just…well….shit.” she muttered, trying to find the words.

“Kerr, just spit it out.  You’re kinda worrying me here.”

“It’s nothing to be worried, about J.  Nothing is wrong.  It’s just well, I’m not gonna be able to go to Virginia with you.”

“Why?” he questioned.

“Well, there’s some things going on and I kinda need to be here right now.” she stated.

“What kind of things?  What do you mean?”

“Well, I’m moving out into my own apartment for one.”
 

Chapter 27

Justin stared at her, mentally going over the words she had just spoken.  She was moving out into her own apartment?  He was positive that was what she had just said, but at the same time he thought it couldn’t possibly be true.

“Your own apartment?” he questioned.

Kerrigan looked down at her hands, which were folded on the table.  “Yeah, J.  I got my own place.  And I’m actually supposed to move into it this weekend.”

“Hold up.  Rewind.  You got your own apartment?” he asked again.  He was really stuck on that one.

“Yeah.  It’s only about ten minutes from the house.  And it’s really nice.  It’s a two bedroom, two baths.  Really roomy.  I love it.” Kerrigan smiled.

“When did you go looking for an apartment?  When did you decide on moving out?  And the better question, why didn’t you tell me?” he stared at her.

“I’m sorry, J.  I know I should have brought it up and told you about it, but we’ve both been so busy lately.  And it just, well it never came up.  And I knew that if I told you, you’d try to talk me out of it.  And I didn’t want that to happen.  I really need my own place.”

“Why?”

Kerrigan sighed, looking off around the room.  Anywhere but at Justin.  She could just feel his pleading, questioning eyes on her.  This is why she hadn’t brought it up.  She knew this was going to happen.

“Because J, I just do.  I’m a grown woman, and I live in a house with two guys.  And I just want to fend for myself.  I feel like such a moocher living with you and not paying any rent or anything.  It’s time I grew up and started handling my business.”

“If you want to pay rent, I’ll accept it.  You don’t have to move out.”

“You wouldn’t accept it and you know it.  Besides, that’s not what this is all about.  I just need my own place.  My own space.”

“I don’t understand this.  Why do you want to rent an apartment and throw your savings away on something like that when you can stay with me for free?  Why all the sudden do you need your own space?  Everything’s been fine all this time. Why now all of the sudden?” he questioned.

Kerrigan knew right off where the conversation was going already.  Yet, another reason why she hadn’t brought it up.  “Justin, the house is fine.  I love being there with you and Trace, but I’m twenty one years old.  I have the money to have my own place and there’s no reason for me to live with you guys for free.  Not when I can pay for my own place.  Besides, not that you guys are nosey or anything, but I need privacy.”

“Privacy?”

“Yeah, privacy.  My own space.  I just need my own place, J.  I don’t know how to explain it to you so you’ll understand.  But I just want my own place.  I’m tried of living off of you and I want my own place that I can decorate and do whatever I want to with.”

“You can decorate the house.  You know I don’t care.  Hell, you’d probably do a better job of decorating it than me or Trace could.”

“But I can’t run around naked if I want.” she objected.

Justin stared at her, a smile slowly creeping across his face.  “Yeah, you can.  Me and Trace wouldn’t mind I’m sure.” he teased.

Kerrigan rolled her eyes.  “I’m being serious, J.  I’m not a little girl anymore.  And I’m grown.  I need my own place.  Please don’t argue with me about it.  This is what I want, and it’s already done.”

Justin sighed and looked up to meet her eyes.  “Well, I mean if this is what you want.  If it’ll make you happy, then I guess I can’t really argue with it.  I just want ya to be happy, Kerr.”

Kerrigan smiled at him, he was such a good friend.  “Thanks, J.  That means a lot.  I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.  It’s just I knew you’d try to talk me out of it, and you’re really good at doing that so I didn’t tell you.  I really wanted my own place so me and Cody went and started looking a couple weeks ago.”

“Cody?” Justin questioned.  He’d known from the moment Kerrigan had told him his name was written all over it.  He had no doubts that Cody had put this idea in Kerrigan’s head.  She never had a problem with living with him before.  This was all Cody’s doing.

“Yes, Cody.  You know my boyfriend.  He went with me and helped me look at places.  Made sure no one tried to screw me over.”

“You make it sound like you were car shopping.”

Kerrigan groaned.  She should have never even brought Cody up.  She was inwardly kicking herself in the ass.  “Whatever.  It doesn’t matter.  He went with me.  I found a place I really like.  Filled out the application and got accepted last week.  I picked my keys up yesterday, and I planned to start moving my stuff in this weekend.”

Just shook his head, disbelievingly.  He couldn’t believe she had done all of that without him.  Without even telling him.  But what really was bothering him was the fact that she was moving out.  She was actually going to move out.  He hardly seen her at all now, how was he ever going to see her after she moved out?

When Justin didn’t say anything Kerrigan felt even worse.  She knew he was going to take the news badly.  But just seeing the expression on his face broke her heart.  “J, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.  I know your upset about that, but you have to understand that I didn’t tell you for a reason.  I knew you’d talk me out of it, and like I said I really want this.”

“If you really wanted this, then I wouldn’t be able to talk you out of it Kerrigan.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she questioned.

“It means that this wasn’t your idea and you know it.  This is undoubtedly something Cody suggested and you’re just following through with it.  But whatever, it doesn’t matter.  The damage is done now.”

Kerrigan glared at him.  “Justin, I do have a mind of my own. I am capable of thinking up ideas on my own.  I don’t need  people to plant them in my head.  I know that’s what you’re thinking.  But I really do want this.  So don’t turn this around and make it about Cody.  I know you two don’t particularly care for each other, but you need to get over that.  You’re my Best Friend and he’s my boyfriend.  Ya’ll need to except that.”

Justin didn’t say anything, as the waiter had suddenly appeared with their food.  He took that moment to allow his mind to reel over everything that had just been laid out in front of him.  He wasn’t stupid.  He knew that Cody had something to do with this whole thing.  But he also knew that Kerrigan would never admit that.  She was just as stubborn as he was at times and there really was no sense in arguing about it.  Especially when they were supposed to be celebrating.

Justin gave in, deciding to just cherish the time he was fortunate enough to have with her at the moment.  “You’re right, Kerr.  I’m sorry.  It’s just you caught me off guard.  But whatever you want to do.  Again I just want you to be happy.  That’s all.”

“Thanks, J.  I appreciate it.  I know you’re not happy about this and you don’t completely understand my reasoning, but it’s for the best, you’ll see.”

“I’m sure I will.” he muttered, as he took a large bite of the steak he had just chopped up.

Kerrigan gave him her best smile.  “You know I love you for letting me do this.”

“Letting you do this?  I can’t stop you.  You said yourself that you’re grown.  I can’t tell you what to do.” he stated, taking another bite of his steak.

“Maybe not in that sense, J.  But the fact that you’re only concerned about my happiness just reaffirms how great of a friend you are to me.  And how lucky I am to have you in my life.”

Justin locked eyes with her. “Well, I’m pretty lucky to have you in my life too.  I’ve always thought so.”

“Then I guess we’re both lucky people.” Kerrigan smiled.

“I guess so.” Justin smiled back.

The two sat there quietly for a few minutes, eating their meals.  Kerrigan internally going over her decision in her head.  Wondering if she had made the right decision.  While Justin sat there hoping the same thing.  Hoping that she wasn’t making a stupid mistake.

At least while she was living with him he could make sure that she was safe.  He didn’t particularly like the idea of her having her own place and staying there all alone.  But then the more he thought about it, the more he realized she probably wouldn’t be alone on most nights.  And that thought caused him to nearly lose his appetite.

He still couldn’t deal with the thought that Kerrigan and Cody were being intimate.  Just watching them hug and kiss on each other was enough to churn his stomach, but to allow his thoughts to elaborate further on what all that hugging and kissing turned into when no one else was around caused him to want to empty his stomach’s contents completely.  He didn’t like the idea of Cody touching her.  Making love to her.

Justin tried to tell himself it was because he didn’t like Cody.  That it was because he had a bad feeling about the guy and knew that eventually he was really going to hurt Kerrigan.  But another part of him knew that it was so much more than that.  A part of him that he couldn’t allow to surface.  A part that he was not quite willing to admit to yet.

Shifting in his seat uncomfortably from the thoughts racing through his head, Justin decided to bring up another topic.  Something that they needed to discuss.  Not only because it would help take his mind off of his present thoughts.  But because it was rather important.

“So are you just going to come over to Virginia with me once you get moved?” he asked.

Kerrigan looked up at him.  She quickly finished chewing her food and swallowed it before she spoke.  “Um, well actually.  I can’t do that either.  Cody’s leaving in a month to go out on a short tour gig for a few weeks.  I wanted to spent the next couple of weeks with him before he goes on the road.  I can come over after he leaves though.”

“So you’re not going to go to Virginia with me?”  he asked disappointedly.

“Well, not right away.  Like I said I can come over after he leaves, but he’s going to be gone for a few weeks and I won't get to see him during that time so I want to spend the next few weeks with him.  Plus, I gotta get moved into my place and settled.”

Justin nodded his understanding, but didn’t say anything.  This whole thing really was going down a road he hadn’t expected, but he seemed powerless to do anything about it.  He was just along for the ride.

Kerrigan noticed his somber behavior and reached her hand across the table to grab his.  When Justin looked up and met her eyes she smiled at him.  “Don’t think for a minute that I’m not going to be there to support you.  I’ll always be there, J.  But so much of my life over the past few years has revolved around you and focused on you.  Right now I just really need to focus on myself.  Anything that you need help with, Trace can do.  And it’s only a couple weeks, then I’ll be there to help you all you need.  I’ll be your personal cheerleader if need be.”

“Will you wear one of those cute little skimpy cheerleading outfits?” he asked.

Kerrigan grinned at his words.  She hadn’t really thought about it until that moment but it seemed that Justin was making more feminine geared comments towards her lately.  Things he’d never said before.  Like running around the house naked and not minding.  And now asking her to wear a skimpy little cheerleading outfit, but she figured he was just teasing her.  Trying to lighten the mood.

“If that’s what it takes, yeah I will.”

An evil smirk appeared on Justin’s face.  “And will you do some cheer routines for me?  You know the Ra Ra Justin rules kinda stuff, while jumping around and doing the splits and all that?”

Kerrigan’s eyebrow raised.  “I’m not a cheerleader, J.”

“But you said you’d be my personal cheerleader.  I gotta make sure you’re qualified for the job.”

“You just want to embarrass me.  I think you really would make me wear something like that around the studio, just to amuse yourself.”

“What’s amusing about you in a cheerleading costume?” he questioned.

“Oh, I’m sure you and Trace would find some way to make it amusing.  And let’s not forget Pharrell and Chad.  There would four against one and I’m not sure those numbers are quite fair.”

“Nobody said life was fair!” Justin pointed out.

“Yeah, I know.  Especially, when the name Justin Timberlake is any way involved.”
 
 
 

Chapter 28

( 1 month later )

“I don’t see what the big deal is!  I haven’t seen him in weeks.  You’ve known all this time that when you left I was planning on going over to Virginia Beach to help him and Trace out.  Why is it now all of the sudden a problem?” Kerrigan demanded.  She seemed to have been demanding the answer to that question a lot over the last couple of days.

Everything had been fine up until a few days ago.  Her and Cody were getting along great, spending all of their time together doing a variety of things.  Kerrigan hadn’t seen Justin since he had left for Virginia a few days after their night at the restaurant.  He had decided that since she was staying back in Florida he’d just got ahead and take what he needed with him, and hadn’t come back the following week like originally planned.

And Cody hadn’t had a problem with the idea of her going to Virginia until two days prior.  Then all of the sudden he was bitching about her going over there.  Saying there was no need for her to go.  If Justin had made it this long without her, then he could continue to go on without her presence being there.  And Kerrigan couldn’t understand why he had suddenly changed his views on the whole thing.

“I just don’t think you need to go.  He doesn’t need you there.  You never do anything anyways.  Even when we were all on tour you never did anything.  So why the hell does he need you in Virginia?”

“I beg to differ.  I did to do stuff while we were on tour.  Granted I didn’t do anything too major but I did do things!” she argued.

“Whatever.  You filled out and looked over some paperwork here and there.  That’s hardly any reason to run off to Virginia Beach.  If he has papers for you to look over he can send them to you here and you can do it here.  You don’t need to go all the way over there to do it.  That’s just stupid.”

“It’s not stupid.  He’s doing a solo album, Cody.  He wants me there for support, I’m his friend.  I honestly do not see what the big deal is.”

“If you go over there then you guys will start going out and partying and God only knows what else.” Cody muttered.

“Oh this is about the whole trust issue again.  We’ve been over this time and time again.  What do you think I’m going to do?  Cheat on you?”

“It could happen.”

“Get real Cody.  That’s not what I’m about.  Besides, Justin and Trace both know I’m with you.  And they’re way too protective to begin with.  They’re not going to let any males within ten feet of me.  You’re just being silly.”

“Maybe it’s not outside males I’m concerned about.  More like the ones you know.” he stated.

“The ones I know?  You mean Justin and Trace?  Are you serious?”

“Hell, yes I’m serious!”

“Ok, what happened to the whole you trust me and believe me and J have nothing going on?  You said he assured you that he only seen me as a friend.  Why all of the sudden is that an issue again?”

“Did I say I was worried about his reaction?” Cody quickly covered.  He’d been constantly feeding it into her head that Justin didn’t look at her like that, but leave it to him to slip up when he was angry.

“Oh, so now you’re suggesting I’m after Justin.  I thought we had been over this.  I thought this was in the past.  You know I used to see him as more than a friend, but that was before you.  Why are you so insecure about Justin?”

Cody scoffed.  “I’m not insecure about him.  I just don’t like you two spending every moment together.  Things have been nice over the last month with him not being around.  It was just us.  I didn’t have to contend with any of his angry glares when I kissed you or hugged you.  He doesn’t like me and I don’t like him.  Is it really that hard to understand?”

“No I respect the fact that you both have a mutual distaste for each other, but as I’ve said before.  J, is my friend and you’re my boyfriend.  Ya’ll need to learn to deal with it.  And besides I haven’t seen him in a month, Cody.  A whole month.  Do you realize how long it’s been since we’ve been separated for that long?”

“I don’t really give a shit to be honest.” he sneered.  “Just take my advice and don’t go over there.  Just stay here.”

“I’m not going to do that, Cody.  I promised him that after you left I would come over there and cheer him on.  And I’m quite anxious to see what he’s come up with so far.  You cannot ask me to turn my back on one of my best friends.  He needs my support.”

“I’m not asking you, Kerrigan.  I’m telling you.”

“Telling me?” she questioned.

“Yes.  I’m telling you that you are NOT going over there.  I don’t want you staying over there and as your boyfriend I have the right to ask that of you.”

“Yeah, you have the right to ask, not to tell me.  And just because you ask doesn’t mean I’m going to listen!”

Cody grew angry.  After spending the last month with her alone, with no Justin influence he would have expected her to go along with this a little more willingly.  But no, she was fighting him the whole way.  And he was going to have to put his foot down.

Stepping forward Cody grabbed Kerrigan by her arm and jerked her closer to him.  “You are NOT going over there!  Do you understand me?” he growled.

Kerrigan stared at him in disbelief.  She couldn’t understand where all of this was coming from.  Things had been fine up until a couple days ago when she started talking about looking forward to going to Virginia.  And now he was trying to forbid it.

Squirming to get away from him, Kerrigan continued to stare at him.  Anger covering his face.  Suddenly she got a sinking feeling.  He had the same look in his eyes as he did that time at the venue when he had hit her.

When Kerrigan didn’t answer, Cody repeated himself.  “Do you understand me, Kerrigan?” he demanded.

But Kerrigan couldn’t find any words.  She was frozen in fear, just waiting on him to draw back and hit her.  There were simply no words, so she nodded.

“Good.  I’m glad we understand each other.” Cody said, releasing her arm.

Kerrigan backed away from him.  She just needed to put some space between them.

Cody eyed her.  Pleased with himself that he had put the fear he saw in her eyes there.  If she feared him, then she would obey him.  That was all he wanted.  He just wanted to know that she would listen to him when it came to Justin.  And if he had to threaten her to get that result then so be it.

“Ok, well I’m going to go.  I need to finish packing and I have some other things I need to do as well.” he said moving towards  her.

Kerrigan struggled to find her voice.  The anger she had seen in his eyes only seconds before, was now gone.  “Ok.” she said softly.

Cody walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist.  “I’m sorry I yelled, but this is for the best you’ll see.” he said before leaning down, gently kissing her lips.

When he pulled back he stared into her eyes.  He could see the fear and confusion there.  It pleased him, but at the same time it wouldn’t do.  He couldn’t have her so scared of him that she was afraid to be around him.  That would ruin everything.

“Look I’ll call you tomorrow afternoon, once I get into New York.  We can talk about this more then.  OK?”

“Yeah.” Kerrigan answered, unsure of what else to say.  She didn’t want to say anything that was going piss him off again.  She couldn’t deal with his angry glare.

“OK, well I’ll talk to you then.  I love you.” he said kissing her once again.

When he pulled back from their embrace, Kerrigan smiled at him the best she could telling him, “I love you, too.” as he headed for the door.

“See ya later, babe.” Cody smiled at her as he opened her apartment door and then disappeared into the night outside.

Once the door was closed behind him, Kerrigan sunk into her sofa.  A million thoughts running through her head.  She was so confused she didn’t know which end was up.

She really cared about Cody.  The time they had spent together over the last month had brought them so much closer.  And he was usually so sweet and giving to her.  But it was times like this when she didn’t quite know what to make of him.  He had this hidden anger inside, that didn’t surface very often, but when it did you knew it.

She didn’t have a lot of experience with relationships so she only assumed it was normal for the guy to be jealous.  She could understand his insecurities.  He knew that she had once thought of Justin as more than a friend.  And he was Justin Timberlake of all people.  If that didn’t make a guy insecure, Kerrigan didn’t know what would.  So that was at least somewhat understandable.

But what she was really unsure of, was how she was supposed to react to it.  Was she supposed to just ignore it and go with it?  Or was she supposed to stand up to him?  She cared about him and didn’t want to lose him.  She didn’t want to go back to being the girl she was before she had started dating him.  The girl that was always just one of the guys and along for the fun, but never there as anything else than that.

Kerrigan liked the way Cody made her feel.  She loved the attention.  Who wouldn’t want to be wanted and desired?  She had spent so much of her life fading into the background that now when she was being placed front and center, going back was just not an option.  She didn’t know if she could stand being that person she was back then.  She liked who she was now.

At least she liked it most of the time.  Unfortunately for her this wasn’t one of those times.  She knew if she went against Cody and went to Virginia to be with Justin and Trace that it would cause a whole world of problems between her and Cody.  Problems she wasn’t sure they would be able to recover from as they had in the past.

But at the same time Justin was her Best Friend and she couldn’t let him down.  She had promised him she would come to Virginia as soon as Cody had left.  In fact Justin had called her earlier that day to confirm that Cody was leaving the following day and to make sure she was still planning to come out to see him.  How was she supposed to tell him now that she couldn’t come?  How was she supposed to tell Justin that she was breaking a promise to him?  A promise that she knew meant a lot to him.

She couldn’t.  There was no way around it.  There was no way that she could not go to Virginia.  Justin had always kept his promises to her.  He would never do something like that to her and there was no way she could do that to him.  Besides, she wanted to be there.  She wanted to see what he’d spent the last month working on.  She missed him.

She missed spending time with him.  Even if it was just following him around to all of  his appointments.  She missed laughing at his silly impersonations and jokes.  She missed teasing him and giving him a hard time.  She missed everything about being around him.

It was settled.  She would have to figure out some way to get over there.  She would just have to go and pray to God that Cody didn’t have a cow about it.  He would be gone for the next five weeks and wouldn’t be back, so it’s not like he would know where she was and where she wasn’t.

Kerrigan was quickly pulling a plan together in her head on how she could pull this whole thing off.  Keep Cody happy, thinking she was in Florida.  While keeping herself happy and Justin as well, by being in Virginia to support him.

It was going to be a tricky situation, but she was pretty positive she could pull it off.  She could have all of her home phone calls forwarded to her cell phone and he would never know.

She knew people would tell her that she was being stupid for going to all of this trouble and not just standing up to him.  But if she could pull it off then it wouldn’t be a problem.  All she cared about at the moment was getting to Virginia to hang out and spend time with her friends, while keeping Cody happy at the same time.

In the end he would never know the difference.  And what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.  Or their relationship.
 
 

Chapter 29

( 2 days later ~ Norfolk International Airport, Virginia )

Kerrigan stepped off the plane and made her way down the short tunnel that would lead to her gate terminal.  She wasn’t sure who was supposed to be there to pick her up.  All Justin had said was that someone would be there, he wasn’t sure who because he didn’t know how long they’d be in the studio that day.  But that someone would be there to get her.

All she was sure of, was that she was happy to finally be there.  It had been a long two days since her argument with Cody the other night.  And then trying to put all of her plan into effect had really worn on her nerves.  More than she thought it should have.  And then when she had gotten to the airport that morning she found out that her flight had been delayed for two hours.  Some technical problems with the airplane, so they had to wait on a new one.  So far her trip was turning out to be a big pain in the ass.  So she was just happy to be there.

She couldn’t wait to see Justin and Trace.  She missed them so much and she just really needed to see a friendly face right about then.

Once she reached the gate area, Kerrigan scanned the surrounding area for any familiar faces.  She didn’t see anyone.  Not even one of Justin’s bodyguards.

Sighing she figured maybe whoever had been sent to get her would be down at baggage claim, so she scanned for the signs that would lead her in the right direction and then headed that way.

As she was walking down the long corridor of the airport Kerrigan got the distinct feeling that she was being followed.  You know how you just seem to know when someone’s watching you or following you?  This weird feeling just comes over you.  Well, that’s what she was experiencing.

Turning to look over her shoulder Kerrigan saw a man quickly duck into a shop upon noticing him.  That struck her as odd and made her a little nervous.  It was all too obvious that he was following her.  Or at least following someone.  No one ducks into a shop that quick for no reason.

Hoping that he’d been deterred upon realizing she had noticed him Kerrigan continued on her way.  Picking up her pace a bit, hoping to find the baggage claim area a little faster.  She wasn’t big on being in strange places by herself in the first place.  But to know that someone was following her just added to that anxiety.

She had only gotten a good fifty feet when she felt the presence following her again.  This time it made her even more nervous and somewhat fearful.  She had no idea who the man was.  He was wearing a hat and was walking with his head down, hiding his face.  It could just be a photographer that had recognized her and was trying to get a picture of her.  Or it could be some deranged fan of Justin’s that had recognized her.  There was no telling who he was or what his purpose was for following her.

So Kerrigan picked up her pace even more.  She just wanted to get to baggage claim, find whoever was supposed to be waiting for her and get the hell out of there.

But then she noticed that the man had also picked up the pace.  Glancing off to the side so she could see where he was behind her she realized that he was quickly closing in on her and was only a mere twenty feet behind her.  So again Kerrigan began to walk faster, but so did he.

Fear taking over her, Kerrigan ignored where she was at and what people would think of her and took off into a full on sprint.  Determined to get to the baggage claim, where in her mind she would be safe.

Kerrigan’s heart was racing in her chest as she ran down the corridor.  She was completely consumed by fear, oblivious to the fact that the man was now running after her and was right on her heals.  Oblivious of course until he caught up with her, grabbing her from behind.

Kerrigan screamed at the top of her lungs as she was engulfed in the man’s arms.  Struggling to get free.  “LET ME GO!  SOMEONE HELP!” she yelled.

“Kerrigan!  STOP!  It’s Justin!” Justin tried to calm her.  He thought she knew it was him and that’s why she had started running.  He thought she was playing some sort of game with him, like he’d been playing with her.  But he could clearly see by the expression her face and the panic in her voice that she had no clue.

Hearing his voice, Kerrigan immediately relaxed and turned to look at him.  “Oh my God, Justin!  You scared the shit out of me!” she said throwing her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

Justin squeezed her to his chest, confused by her reaction.  “Who the hell did you think it was?  Who would be grabbing you in an airport?” he questioned.

“I don’t know.  I didn’t recognize you and you were following me.  And I just thought that maybe you was some deranged fan or something.  I don’t know!”  Kerrigan sighed.  “It’s been a long day, I’m tired.”

“I’d say so.  Must be why you’re so jumpy.” he commented as Kerrigan finally pulled away from him.

“I’m sorry, J.  Like I said it’s just been a long day and I’m tired.”

“And it’s going to be an even longer day if you keep screaming like that.” Mike said as he and Trace walked up to the two.  “You’re drawing all kinds of attention that we really don’t need.”

“Leave her alone, Mike.  I scared her.” Justin scolded his bodyguard.

“How did he scare you?  We’ve only pulled that same game with you a million times.” Trace stated.

And it suddenly struck Kerrigan that Trace was right.  Every other time Justin or Trace had picked her up at the airport they’d done the same thing.  It was like some running game with them.  A tradition so to speak.  But Kerrigan hadn’t even thought of that.  Her mind had been elsewhere.

“I wasn’t thinking.  Sorry.” she shrugged.

Trace studied her tired expression and became concerned.  “Kerr, are you ok?  You don’t look so hot.”

“Dude, I just scared the shit out of her.  Of course she doesn’t look so hot.” Justin chimed in.  He too could tell something was troubling his friend but he also knew that if Trace started this argument they’d be in the airport forever.  And they had already drawn enough unwanted attention.

“I’m fine, Trace.  Just tired.  But Mike’s right.  I drew too much attention already so let’s get out of here.”

“Ok.” Trace agreed.  “Hey, give me your baggage ticket and I’ll go get it for you and you guys can just go ahead to the car.” he offered.

“I can get it.” Kerrigan objected.

“Just give it to him.” Justin told her.  He could see Trace was offering because he was concerned.

Kerrigan huffed and handed her baggage ticket over to Trace.  “You know what it looks like right?” she asked.

“Of course.” Trace smiled and then trotted off in the direction of baggage claim.

“Let’s go you two.” Mike said leading the way.

( Back at the hotel )

Kerrigan entered the suite behind Justin, Trace following her in with her bags.  “You’re room is over here.” Justin said, leading her towards the room she would be occupying during her stay.

Kerrigan headed directly for the bed, flopping herself face down in the middle of it, while Justin and Trace stood off to the side of the room watching her.

“That musta been some flight.” Trace commented as he walked over to a chair and sat down.

“It wasn’t so much the flight as it was sitting in the airport forever this morning.  They could have at least called me and told me the flight had been delayed.” she muttered.

“Well, you see that would be too easy.” Justin joked, as he sat down beside Kerrigan on the bed and patted her back.  “Do you want to sleep for a bit?  Or did you want to go grab something to eat with us?”

Kerrigan groaned.  She was mentally and physically exhausted but she wasn’t going to let that stop her from spending time with her friends.  They were after all the reason she was putting her relationship on the line to be there.  And she had missed them and had been looking forward to spending time with them.

“I could eat.” she muttered, her face still buried in the bed spread.

Justin chuckled at her.  “You’re going to smother yourself if you don’t pull your face out of the bed.”

“I don’t have the strength.” she retorted.

“Why are you so tired, Kerr?  What exactly have you been doing lately?” Trace inquired.

“Nothing much.  Just been….”

Kerrigan was cut off by the ringing of her cell phone.  Justin being closet to her bag jumped up to get it for her so she wouldn’t have to get up.  But Kerrigan sprung off the bed and quickly yanked the phone out of his hands before he could answer it.  “You guys be really quiet ok.  Please don’t say ANYTHING!” she said emphatically before clicking on the phone to answer it.  “Hello?”

Justin and Trace shared a perplexed look over her behavior.  They couldn’t understand why she didn’t want them to say anything.  The girl was acting weird.  First the whole scene at the airport.  Then her exhausted state.  And now this.  They were both thrown.

They turned to watch her as she paced the other side of the room, clutching the phone to her ear.

“Hey, Cody…..I’m fine……how’s things on the road……that’s good……no I’m just sitting here watching TV, or rather trying.  There’s not really much on…..it’s ok, I understand.  You’re busy and I know how tour life goes……just call me later tonight when you have more time to talk….yeah that’s fine, I’ll be up……ok I’ll talk to you then……love you too….bye.”

Kerrigan clicked off her phone and then turned to see both Justin and Trace staring at her oddly.  “It was Cody.” she stated, walking back over to the bed to sit down.

“Yeah, we kinda figured that out.  But why couldn’t we talk?” Trace questioned.

“Oh, that.” Kerrigan said, looking down to her hands.  She hadn’t had any intentions of telling Trace and Justin about what was going on.  She knew they’d both flip out about it and make some huge deal about it.  But she really hadn’t left much room for anything other than an explanation, reacting the way she did.

“Yeah, that.” Justin said.  “What was THAT all about?”

Kerrigan sighed.  “I don’t want this to turn into some big deal so promise me now that you two will just leave this alone if I tell you.  If not then I’m not telling you.”

“Why do we have to leave it alone?  Leave what alone?” Trace persisted.

“Promise me first that you won't make a big deal out of it.”

“If you’re telling us to promise not to make a big deal out of it, then obviously we SHOULD make a big deal out of it.” Justin stated.

“Just promise, ok?  I don’t need any more hassles right now.  If you wanna know then promise.  If you don’t wanna know then fine I won't tell you.” she said, flinging herself backwards on the bed.

“Fine we promise.” Trace said reluctantly.

When Kerrigan didn’t say anything Justin persisted.  “Well, tell us.”

“You didn’t promise, Justin.  I know better.  You need to promise me too, because if you don’t then you’ll pull this whole stunt about how Trace promised but you didn’t.  I know how that goes, so you need to promise to not make a big deal out of it too.”

Justin groaned, she knew him too well.  “Fine.  Fine.  I promise too.  Now tell us what’s going on?  Is something wrong?”

“Not really wrong per say.  It’s just that Cody doesn’t know I’m here.” she shrugged, staring up at the ceiling.

“He doesn’t know you’re here?  How’s that possible?” Trace asked.

“Well, he thinks I’m still in Florida.  I didn’t tell him I was coming.”

“But he knew you was planning on coming out after he left.  How can he not know?” Justin asked, totally confused.  They had been planning this since he had left, there was no way Cody couldn’t know she was coming or that she was there.

“Well, he changed his mind a few days ago and decided he didn’t want me to go.  And I promised you I’d be here so I’m here.”

“So are you telling me that you’re lying to him?” Justin asked.

“I had to ok, J.  He was bitching about me coming over here.  He’s still stuck on that whole dare kiss thing and seems to think I’m after you in some way.  He said he didn’t want me coming over here and staying with you and Trace.  And to keep from arguing about it with him I told him I wouldn’t come, but I’m here so it doesn’t matter.  Just don’t answer my cell phone.  And don’t be too loud in the background when he calls.”

“Kerr, you shouldn’t have to lie about it.  You’re grown, you can do what you want.  Since when did you start letting him tell you what to do?” Trace questioned.  He really didn’t like the of sound Cody bossing her around at all.

“Obviously I didn’t listen to him, I’m here aren’t I?” she retorted.

“Yeah, you’re here.  But he doesn’t know that you’re here.  You shouldn’t have to lie.  You shoulda just told him and went on with your business.  If he doesn’t like it then he doesn’t like it.  Who gives a fuck.” Trace stated.

Meanwhile, Justin just sat there absorbing everything.  He knew if he said anything it would come out the wrong way.  And he also knew that if he spoke up further on the subject he would get angry and probably end up saying a bunch of things he didn’t want to say.  So he just remained quiet while Trace carried on about it.

“Trace, you promised not to make a big deal out of it.” Kerrigan objected.

“That was before I knew what IT was.”

“You still promised!”

“Whatever, Kerrigan.  If you’re going to let him boss you around that’s your business.” Trace said getting up and storming out of the room.

Kerrigan looked over at Justin, expecting some rant from him as well but he merely shrugged his shoulders.  “You’re not going to add your two cents worth?” she questioned him.

Justin shrugged again.  “I promised.” he said as he got up and left the room, leaving a stunned Kerrigan behind.
 
 
 

Chapter 30

( 1 week later )

“So what did you think, Kerr?” Pharrell asked, turning around from the control board to look at her.

“It sounded amazing.  I can’t believe you guys have done all of this in a little over a month.” she smiled.

Over the last week Kerrigan had been at the studio with Justin every day.  She had initially been amazed when they played everything for her.  She couldn’t believe that they had accomplished that much, in such a short amount of time.  And further more she couldn’t believe the stuff they had come up with.

Kerrigan already knew that Justin’s album was going to be amazing.  It was filled with so many different emotions.  She wasn’t blind to the fact that some of the songs on the album had been written about Britney, but they had turned out amazing.  And she figured it was a great form of therapy for Justin.  These were thoughts and feelings that he’d been needing to get out for a while, so she was just happy that he’d been able to get them out so creatively.

“Well, J had a lot of stuff pre-written, so that really helped.  We just had to come up with the beats and melodies.” Pharrell grinned.

“And that’s what you guys do best.” Kerrigan smiled.

Just then Justin burst through the door from the sound room.  “I think that was it.  What did you think man?  Was that kick ass or what?” Justin said excitedly.

“That was definitely it.” Pharrell agreed.

Justin nodded and then turned his attention to Kerrigan, who was lounging on the sofa.  “What did you think, Kerr?”

“Well, I was just telling Pharrell that I’m amazed ya’ll did all of that in a month.  Everything I’ve heard so far I’ve loved.  This record is gonna be amazing, J.”

Justin walked over to the sofa.  He picked Kerrigan’s feet up and sat down placing them down in his lap.  “I think so too.  I’m so excited about this whole thing.  Did I tell you that Brian McKnight is going to collaborate with me on a song?”

Kerrigan’s head shot up.  “NO!  You didn’t tell me THAT!” she exclaimed.  “I love Brian McKnight!  When is this taking place?”

Justin grinned.  He knew that would get her attention.  “Next Monday.  He flies in next Monday.”

“You’re going to introduce me right?”

“Introduce you?  You met him last year at Challenge.”

“So it’s been a whole year.  He probably wont remember me.” she argued.

“I don’t think he could forget you, Kerr.  I mean you did after all spill your beer on him.” Justin reminded.

Pharrell started laughing.  “You spilt your beer on Brian McKnight?”

“It was an accident!” Kerrigan said, as she glared at Justin for bringing it up.

Justin just grinned at her and then turned his attention to Pharrell.  “Yeah, I brought him up to her so I could introduce them, and she had her back to us.  I tapped her on her shoulder and when she turned around and seen him standing there she literally jumped, spilling her beer down the front of his shirt.” he laughed at the memory.

“That wasn’t funny, J.  I made such an ass out of myself.” Kerrigan said, as she punched Justin in his arm.

Justin rubbed his arm.  “It was more than funny, Kerr.  It was hilarious!”

Kerrigan rolled her eyes at him.  “Whatever!”

Justin looked over at Pharrell and the two just chuckled at her.

A few minutes later the door opened.  Trace and Chad strolled in carrying a couple bags of food.  They had run out to get lunch for everyone.

Justin patted Kerrigan on the legs so she would move them so he could get up and went to help the guys with the food.  Or more accurately to find HIS food.  He’d been bitching all afternoon about how he was starving before Trace finally volunteered to go get something and took Chad with him to help.

Kerrigan slowly sat up on the sofa feeling rather queasy.  She had been fine until the guys walked in with the food, but as soon as she smelled the hamburgers and fries she had immediately gotten nauseous.

Justin turned around to hand Kerrigan her food.  “Here’s your food, Kerr!” he said, attempting to hand her the burger and fries.   But she was staring at the floor in somewhat of a daze.  “Kerrigan?  Don’t you want your food?” he questioned.

Kerrigan looked up at Justin’s outstretched hand, which held her food and immediately covered her mouth, shaking her head vigorously.

Trace laughed at her.  “What’s wrong, Kerr.  You on some new diet or something.  I thought you loved greasy hamburgers and fries.”

At Trace’s words Kerrigan jumped up from the sofa and ran out of the room, still holding her hand over her mouth.

The guys all looked at each other oddly.  “What was that about?” Chad asked.

“She looked green.” Pharrell stated.

“She mentioned this morning that she wasn’t feeling too good.  She didn’t even eat breakfast.” Justin stated.

“You think she’s coming down with something?” Trace asked.

Justin shrugged.  “Possibly.”

Meanwhile, Kerrigan was just down the hall in the restroom heaving her guts out.  She didn’t know what had come over her all of the sudden, but as soon as she smelled the food she became really sick to her stomach.  She’d been slightly nauseous all day long.  Thinking about it she had been that way a lot lately, but she had never actually gotten sick.

Once she was sure there was nothing else to come up and she felt somewhat better she made her way over to the sink to rinse her mouth out and then splash some cold water on her face.  She was sweating profusely and felt extremely light headed.

As she made her way back towards the studio the guys were in, the light headedness increased and Kerrigan had to lean against the wall for support.  She didn’t know what was wrong, all she knew was that she needed Justin.  She had to get to Justin, he would know what to do.

Stumbling through the studio door the guys looked up at her.  She was standing in the doorway, slightly swaying back and forth.

“Are you ok, Kerrigan?” Justin asked, growing concerned.  She was extremely pale and her face was glistening in sweat.

“J, I don’t feel so good.” she muttered softly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, as he got up from the sofa to make his way over to her.

“I just feel….” but her words were cut off as she fell forward to the floor.

“KERRIGAN!” Justin yelled as he rushed over to her side, the others quickly following.

Justin flipped Kerrigan over to her back, she had passed out.  “Kerrigan?  Kerrigan wake up.” he pleaded, slightly shaking her.

“What the hell happened?” Trace asked frantically.

“I don’t know!” Justin replied, still trying to revive Kerrigan’s motionless body before him.

“Should I call an ambulance?” Pharrell asked, kneeling beside her as well.

“Yeah.  Tell them to hurry.”  Justin instructed.

Trace rushed out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom to grab a wet towel.  Returning to the room he kneeled down beside her and began to blot her face with the towel.  “Kerrigan, sweetie can you hear me?  You need to wake up.”

“Dude, what the hell made her pass out like that?” Chad asked from behind Justin.

“I have no clue!” Justin replied, still attempting to wake her but it was no use.

Justin and Trace continued to try and wake Kerrigan until the paramedics arrived.  She was still unconscious and the guys were terrified.  As far as they knew Kerrigan was in perfect health.  She’d never passed out before.  And they’d never seen the flue cause anyone to pass out like that.  At least not pass out and stay out.

Kerrigan was rushed to the local hospital, the guys following closely behind in their own vehicles.  Trace had called Mike and told him to meet them there, as he hadn’t gone to the studio with them that day.

Once they were at the hospital, they were shown to a private waiting area as to not be disturbed by anyone while they waited on word about Kerrigan’s condition.

Chad and Pharrell felt awful.  Neither of them knew what to do or say and it was obvious that both Trace and Justin were extremely worried about her.  They had known that the guys were particularly close to the girl, but the way the two were pacing around the room was enough to make them dizzy.

And both Chad and Pharrell really liked Kerrigan so they were both concerned as well.  She had been nothing but nice to them and was a lot of fun to hang out with.  Her witty comebacks were a match for their own witty statements.  She fit in perfectly with them and could understand why she was such good friends with Justin and Trace.

It just didn’t make sense to any of them.  She had been fine that morning.  She hadn’t been pale.  She had been joking around and laughing with everyone.  She had been completely and utterly fine.  And then out of no where she all of the sudden has some kind of spell and then passes out on them.  She was too young to have any kind of serious health concerns, or so they hoped.

A couple of hours later, after continued badgering from Justin and Trace to be informed about her condition.  And even more nervous pacing and bickering between the two worried friends a Doctor finally appeared in the room, clutching a clipboard in his right hand.

“You’re here for Kerrigan Wallace?” he asked, looking around at the men seated in the room.

Justin and Trace both jumped to their feet, saying “YES.” simultaneously.

The Doctor nodded and walked further into the room.  “I’m Doctor Scott.  I’m the Physician that was on call in the ER this evening.  And I’m also the one that’s been treating Miss Wallace.”

Justin walked over to the Doctor and reached to shake his hand.  “Thank you sir.  I’m Justin Timberlake and Kerrigan is a dear friend to us.  Please tell me what’s wrong with her.  Is she ok?  What made her pass out like that?”

“I understand your concern Mr. Timberlake and I assure you that your friend has received the best treatment possible.  But unfortunately I cannot disclose any medical information to you, as you’re not family.”  Justin was about to argue with him, when the Doctor continued.  “However, I  can assure you that your friend is fine.  She’s resting right now in a private room.  She’ll be released shortly, we just wanted to get some fluids into her, as she was slightly dehydrated.  But as for any other Medical information I cannot disclose that.  Miss Wallace will have to inform you of that information.”

Trace spoke up this time.  “OK.  So where is she?  Can we see her?”

“Yes you can see her, but only two of you at a time.  So you decide amongst yourselves who it’ll be and I’ll take you to her now.  She was asking for a Justin and Trace.  I’m assuming that would be you two gentlemen?”

“Yeah, that’s us.” Justin answered.

“Ok, so do you two want to be the first to go back and see her.” Dr. Scott, asked.

“Yeah, we’ll go first.” Trace said, already heading for the door.

Dr. Scott nodded and lead Justin and Trace out of the room.  They walked down the long winding hallway, following him until Dr. Scott came to a stop outside of a closed door.  “She’s just inside here.  Like I said she’s resting so try not to get her too excited.  Once the bag of fluids we have on her runs out, we’ll get the release papers and she’ll be able to go home.”

Justin and Trace nodded and then watched as Dr. Scott walked off down the hallway.  Not being able to wait any longer, Justin rushed into the room, Trace following close behind him.

Kerrigan looked over at the two standing just inside the doorway.  “They finally let you back here?” she questioned.

“Yeah.” Justin said, moving closer to her.  He was so relieved to see her awake and sitting up.  When he had seen her laying on the floor in the studio passed out and pale as could be, his heart had risen in his throat.  He was so scared that he couldn’t think straight.  He didn’t know what to do.

“They wouldn’t tell us what was wrong.” Trace said, as he moved to the other side of the bed and sat down in a chair.  “How are you feeling?”

“I’ve felt better.” she stated.  “Kinda like I’ve been hit by a truck.  But I will say that I feel a lot better now than when I first woke up.”

“That’s good.” Trace nodded, unsure of what else to say.

Just stood there for a moment in silence.  He was just staring at her.  Silently thanking God that she was ok.  He didn’t know what he would have done if something would have happened to her.  That was something he didn’t want to even think about.

Finally, his curiosity getting the best of him and seeing as Kerrigan wasn’t offering up any explanations Justin decided to ask the question that he knew was on both his and Trace’s mind.  “So what did the Doctors say?  What’s wrong?”

Kerrigan looked up and met Justin’s eyes, and he couldn’t help but notice the fear in them.  Which caused him to grow extremely nervous and worried.  Whatever they had told her couldn’t be good, or she wouldn’t look so completely terrified.

When she didn’t say anything he urged her on.  He needed to know.  “Kerrigan?  What did they say?” he asked again.

Kerrigan sighed, looking down at her clasped hands before looking back up to meet Justin’s concerned eyes.  “I’m pregnant.”

Chapter 31

Justin stood there in shock.  Unable to say anything, only able to stare at her.  Trace on the other hand was shocked, but reacting in a totally different way.

“YOU’RE PREGNANT?”  he demanded.  “What do you mean you’re pregnant?”

“What do you mean, what do I mean?  How much clearer can I be.  I’m pregnant.  They did a test and it came back positive.  I’m pregnant.”

“How can you be pregnant?  Did you know already?  I mean how could you not know?” Trace questioned.

“I don’t know.  I missed my last period, but I didn’t think anything of it because I’ve always had really irregular periods.  They never come when they’re supposed to, so it didn’t even occur to me that I could be pregnant.”

“Ok, that was too much information.” Trace muttered.

“Well, you asked!”

Justin walked over and sat down in a chair, still completely silent.  His mind reeling over the new information.  Kerrigan was pregnant.  Kerrigan was going to have a baby.  Cody’s baby.  Cody had gotten Kerrigan pregnant.

And the anger was growing within Justin.  He couldn’t believe that she was pregnant.  That Cody had gotten her pregnant.  There was no doubt in Justin’s mind that Cody had done it on purpose either.  He didn’t understand how the guy, who claimed to love her, could ruin her life that way.  She was too young to have a child.  She had her whole life ahead of her and now he was taking that away from Kerrigan, and that angered Justin more than anything.

Unable to control his anger Justin spoke up.  “How the hell did this happen, Kerrigan?  Didn’t you use protection?”

Kerrigan turned from her argument with Trace to look at Justin.  She could see the fire in his eyes.  And the disappointment.  The disappointment she knew was going to be there.  When the doctors had told her that she was pregnant the first thing that popped into her mind above anything else was telling Justin and Trace.  Especially, Justin.

She knew he was going to be disappointed in her.  And she also expected the reaction she was getting, but nothing could have prepared her for that look of disappointment.  Even though she knew it was going to be there, there was no way she could have prepared herself for it.  Just that simple emotion in his eyes had the power to completely destroy her inside.

“Justin….” she sighed.  Not really wanting to get into her personal life like that.

“Don’t Justin me!” he snapped at her.  “You’re a smart  girl, Kerrigan.  I can’t believe you would do something so reckless.  Especially, with him!  You should have known he would do this.  There’s not a doubt in my mind that he didn’t do this on purpose!”

“Justin, get real.  You don’t really think Cody would get me pregnant on purpose do you?  I mean come on, I know you don’t like him but be real!” she argued.

“What am I supposed to think?  You two haven’t been together that damn long.  You shouldn’t have been sleeping with him in the first place.  But to let him talk you into NOT wearing protection, he had to have had a reason, Kerrigan!” Justin fumed, while defiantly crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“I don’t want to have this conversation with you right now, Justin.  Actually, I never want to have this conversation with you.  What me and Cody do in our private time is no ones business but our own.”

“Well it’s not exactly private anymore is it?  I mean you’re fucking pregnant!” Justin said angrily, as he stood up and began to pace the room.

Kerrigan turned to Trace.  “Would you please talk some sense into him, Trace?  Tell him he’s overreacting.”

Trace merely shook his head.  “Sorry, Kerr but I agree with J on this one.”

Kerrigan groaned.  She’d never get anywhere with this conversation if she had both of them against her.  “Well, there’s not much I can do about it now.  So you’ll just have to accept it.”

“Yeah, not like we have a choice.” Justin muttered.  He wasn’t really angry with Kerrigan, although he was sure it appeared that way.  He was just angry with the situation.  And with Cody.  He would support Kerrigan no matter what, but everything with Cody was just going WAY too far.  And all of those nagging feelings he’d been having about Cody were once again resurfacing in the pit of his stomach.

“Justin, please.  Both of you!” Kerrigan pleaded, she didn’t want to fight with them.  “I’m not anywhere near happy about this either, but this is MY life we’re discussing.  This effects me and only me.  You are not the ones that’re going to have a baby.  I am!  And I could really use your support here.  I don’t need your lectures.  I don’t need to know how disappointed you are in me.  I don’t need any of that, because I can assure you no one’s more disappointed in me, than myself.  This wasn’t planned, but it happened and there’s nothing I can do about it.  I’ve just got to make the best of it.”

“You’re too young to have a baby.” Trace stated, setting back in the chair.

“Younger people than me have had babies.” she replied.

“But this changes everything, Kerrigan.  I mean EVERYTHING!” Justin emphasized.  “You can’t take a baby on the road with you.  You’re not going to be able to do a lot of the things you used to be able to do.  This is life altering.”

“I know.” she sighed, looking down to her lap.

Justin’s heart sank, he could tell she was scared.  That she was worried.  He could also tell by the expression her face that she realized all too well what this was going to do.  What it was going to change.  She didn’t look happy about it, but like she had said, it happened and there was nothing she could do about it.  She had already accepted that fact in her short time of knowing.  And if she had accepted it, he would have to find a way to accept it as well.

Justin walked over to the side of her bed and grabbed her hand, holding it in between his two larger hands.  “Look, Kerr.  I’m sorry I yelled.  I know you didn’t plan this and I know there’s nothing you can do about it, but I worry about you.  I’m just concerned is all.  You know that I’ll be right here by your side every step of the way if you need anything.” he said sincerely.

Trace took that moment as well to speak up.  He got up from his chair, and walked over to Kerrigan taking her other hand in his.  “Same here, Kerr.  I love ya girl and if you need anything, I’m here for you.”

Kerrigan looked back and forth between her two friends.  They were such incredible people and she couldn’t have asked for anyone better in her life.  Sure they infuriated her at times.  And annoyed the shit out of her, but when it really mattered.  When she really needed them, they were always there.

“Thanks you guys.  You don’t know how much that means.” she sniffled, trying to hold back her tears.

“Aw, group hug.” Justin said, leaning in to hug Kerrigan.  Trace doing the same.

The three of them sat there hugging each other for a long moment.  Both Trace and Justin could feel Kerrigan’s body as it trembled slightly.  “Kerr, you’re shaking what’s wrong?” Justin asked.

“I’m scared.” she admitted softly.

“Scared of what?” Trace asked, none of them breaking their embrace.

“Everything.” Kerrigan mumbled.  “This is so overwhelming.”

“It’ll be ok.  Everything will work out Kerr, there’s no reason to be scared.  You got me and Trace if nothing else.” Justin said.

“Yeah.” she agreed, half heartedly.  Even though Justin claimed Cody had gotten her pregnant on purpose, Kerrigan just couldn’t fathom that.  She was worried he was going to be upset and leave her when he found out.  That had been her second fear.  Right after her fear of Justin’s disappointment.

“Just be thankful that it’s not J’s kid, that way the poor child won’t be cursed with those dreadful curls!” Trace joked, hoping to make her smile.

And it worked.  A small smile played across Kerrigan’s face.  “Yeah, I can’t imagine having to deal with that.” she smirked.

“Don’t diss the curls.” Justin retorted playfully, but on the inside he couldn’t help but think about Trace’s statement.  He suddenly realized that part of the reason he was so upset that Kerrigan was pregnant by Cody, wasn’t just because it was Cody, but because it wasn’t him.

Justin sat on the sofa in their large suite, secretively listening to Kerrigan’s conversation with Cody on the phone.  He was trying not to be obvious, but it was so hard not to roll his eyes or snort at some of the conversations they had.  And to top it off, it had been a full week since Kerrigan had found out she was pregnant and she still hadn’t told Cody yet.

She had confided in Justin that she was concerned that once she told him he would leave her.  Which of course was absurd to Justin, considering he still insisted that Cody had “knocked her up on purpose”.  But he couldn’t get Kerrigan to see that.  She wouldn’t even consider the thought.  And that annoyed the shit out of Justin.  It was like she had him up on some pedastool and the guy could do no wrong.  If only she could see what he and everyone else did.

Justin’s ears perked up when he heard Kerrigan denying that anything was wrong.  Apparently Cody had noticed that she was being unusually quiet and that he was doing most of the talking, compared to what their conversations were normally like.

Justin looked over at Kerrigan and stared at her.  He knew if he stared long enough she would look at him.   And when she did he shook his head at her and mouthed the words, “You need to tell him.” at her.  Kerrigan sighed and rolled her eyes.  It was the same thing he’d been preaching to her all week long.

Justin cleared his throat to get her attention again when she looked away from him.  Giving him a dirty look, Kerrigan looked back over at him.  “Tell him, Kerrigan.” Justin coaxed softly so that Cody couldn’t hear him.

She nodded at him and took a deep breath.  She might as well get it over with.  If he was gonna walk, it was better to find out now than down the road.  At least she could just get that part out of the way.

“Cody, I need to tell you something.” she said meekly into the phone.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“Well, I got some…..um…important news a few days ago.” she said, glancing over at Justin for support.  He merely nodded for her to continue.

“Important news?  About what?” Cody questioned.  He knew she’d been acting funny lately but he had no clue why.

“Well, I had a bit of a spell a few days ago, and I…well I fainted.”

“YOU FAINTED?  Are you ok?” Cody asked frantically.  That definitely got his attention.

“Yeah, I’m fine.  I went to the hospital though….” she trailed off.

“And?  What did they say?” he urged.

“They said I’m pregnant.” Kerrigan stated quickly.  There was no other way for her to say it.

“Pregnant?” Cody questioned.

Kerrigan sighed, he didn’t sound happy.  Her heart was sinking and she suddenly felt very nauseous.  “Yeah, pregnant.”

“Wow.” he said, trying to hide his inner glee.  He’d been hoping for a while to be getting that news from her.

“Are you mad?” she asked.

Cody smiled.  “No, of course I’m not mad.  I wasn’t expecting this, but everything happens for a reason, Kerrigan.  And it’s a baby.  Our baby.  How could I be mad about that?”

A smile lit up Kerrigan’s face.  She had not been expecting him to take the news so well, but she was extremely happy that he was.  That was hopefully a sign that everything would work out in the end.  That she wouldn’t end up some single mom like so many other unfortunate girls her age did.

“Ok.” she muttered, not knowing what else to say.

“Are you upset?” Cody questioned, sensing the hesitancy in her voice.

“Well, like you said I wasn’t expecting this.  And I’m not going to lie.  This isn’t exactly the best time in my life for something of this magnitude, but it happened and like you said everything happens for a reason.  So apparently it’s meant to be.”

Justin snorted to himself at Kerrigan’s words.  It was meant to be alright, he thought.  It was meant to be because Cody had planned it to happen that way.

Kerrigan shot Justin a dirty look and turned her attention back to Cody.  “So yeah, that’s what I needed to tell you.  Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I was trying to figure it out in my head.”

“It’s ok.  I understand.” Cody paused for a moment.  “So we’re going to have a baby?”

“Yeah.” Kerrigan smiled.  For the first time she actually felt somewhat happy about the whole thing.  “We’re going to have a baby.”

“I love you, Kerrigan.  I couldn’t be happier about this.  I mean I know it’s not the best time, but I love you and I’m sure everything will work out.” Cody said.

“I’m sure it will too.” she smiled.

Chapter 32

( 3 days later )

Kerrigan, Trace and Justin were walking around a local mall doing some shopping.  They were of course accompanied by Justin’s bodyguards and Kerrigan was growing tired.  They’d been there all morning and Justin still didn’t seem to be anywhere near ready to head back to the hotel.

Kerrigan found it funny that she got tired so easily now that she was pregnant.  Which certainly explained all of the exhaustion she’d been experiencing before she had found out, but it was still weird to her.  She used to be able to keep up with Justin on his wild shopping sprees, but now she just didn’t have the energy.  She was tired after the first hour and here they were a good four hours later.

Over the last few days Kerrigan had done a lot of thinking about her present state.  She was still a little worried about the whole thing, but the thought was definitely growing on her.  To think that she was going to be a Mommy.  That she had a small baby growing inside of her stomach.  It just amazed her.

Justin and Trace just laughed at her whenever she brought it up.  Kerrigan supposed that was their way of dealing with it.  She knew they still weren’t happy about the whole thing and held some resentment towards Cody because of it.  But they were trying to remain as supportive as possible.  Even if that meant laughing at her when she got all sentimental about it.  And she seemed to be doing that a lot more as the days passed.

But Kerrigan really couldn’t help herself.  The more she thought about what was taking place in her body the more she thought about what a beautiful thing it was.  What an amazing thing it was.  She kept telling herself that it happened for a reason.  That it was meant to be.

She had been brought up in a Christian home and though she wouldn’t consider herself a really religious person she did believe that God had his own way of doing things.  And she couldn’t help but think that this was one of them.  She was taking it as a sign of better things to come.  That her and Cody were meant to be together.  After all why would he allow her to have a child with a man she wasn’t supposed to be with?

After another hour of wandering aimlessly around the mall, Justin finally announced he was ready to go back to the hotel.  And Kerrigan couldn’t have been happier with that statement.  She seriously needed a nap.

They were making their way out of Saks Fifth Avenue as they walked past the baby department.  Kerrigan’s attention immediately diverted to all of the tiny clothing that was hung on the racks.  She paused to look at one of the small outfits, thinking to herself that she would probably need a lot of those things.  She would need to start preparing for that eventually.

Justin noticed that Kerrigan was no longer instep with them and stopped to turn and see where she had disappeared too.  He noticed her standing a few feet back staring at a rack of infant clothing.  It was weird for him to stand there and watch her inspect the clothing.  These were things they had never considered before, let alone stopped to look at.

Walking over to stand beside her, he nudged her in the arm.  “You want that?” he asked.

“Huh?” Kerrigan replied, not really paying attention.  She had been lost in thought.

“I said do you want that?” Justin repeated.

“Oh, no.  I mean it’s really too soon to be buying stuff.  I was just thinking about things and looking.” she shrugged.

“It’s never too soon to start preparing for something as life altering as this is, Kerrigan.”

Kerrigan gave him a funny look, thinking he was trying to be sarcastic.  “Are you being serious or are you just messing with me?” she asked.

“I’m being serious.  I mean this is life altering.  You need to start preparing.  Besides, I wanna buy the first outfit for the baby.  Since I’m gonna be Uncle Justin, I get to spoil the kid.  Might as well start now.” he smirked.

Kerrigan rolled her eyes at him.  “Only you would say something like that.” she smiled.

“Nah.” Justin waved her off.  “So do you want it?” he asked again.

“J, it’s really too soon.  Besides if I wanted it, I could buy it myself.”

“But I wanna buy the first outfit.  Come on, Kerr.  Pick out something and let me buy it.  So I can say I got to buy the first outfit for my little niece or nephew.”

“You’re not my brother, Justin.” Kerrigan scowled at him.  She didn’t even want to think of him like that, it was unsettling.

“Closest thing to it.” he shrugged.  “Come on.  Just pick something out.  Pleasssse!” he whined.

Kerrigan sighed and gave in.  If he wanted to buy the first outfit she would let him.  She felt like she needed to do something to make up for the disappointment she had caused.  “Fine.  But you gotta help me pick something out.  I don’t know what I’m looking for.”

“Oh, and I do?  I don’t have any kids either, Kerrigan.” Justin argued.

“No, but you have little brothers.  You know more about babies in that light than I do.” she pointed out.

Justin nodded, she did have a point.  “Ok, well let’s look around and see what we can find.” he suggested.

Just then Trace walked up.  “What are you guys doing?” he asked.

“I’m gonna get the baby it’s first outfit.” Justin stated proudly, not looking up from the rack of clothing he was looking through.

“Huh?” Trace asked, thoroughly confused.  There wouldn’t be a baby for a while, he didn’t understand the need to buy anything for it right then.  Or why Justin was so engrossed in buying baby clothes.

“J, wants to buy the first outfit for the baby.  I tried to tell him it’s too soon, but he insisted.” Kerrigan shrugged.

“Um, ok.” Trace mumbled.

Trace, Mike and the other bodyguard Frank stood in the isle for a good half hour watching Justin and Kerrigan as they looked through the variety of infant clothing.  Discussing things like how big the baby would be.  What color they should buy.  The three men were rather amused by the scene before them.  If they didn’t know better, they would have thought that Kerrigan and Justin were the couple shopping for their first child’s clothing.

When all was said and done, Justin had ended up buying not one outfit, but ten.  Ranging from sleepers to onesies.  Keeping the colors as neutral as possible since they had no way of knowing what the sex of the baby would be yet.

As they were leaving the mall, Trace looked over at Justin and smirked.  “Only one outfit, huh?  You’re definition of one differs from everyone else’s definition of it.”

“Hey, they were all cute.  I couldn’t decide so I got them all.  Besides she’s gonna need all that stuff anyways.  It’s not like I wasted money.” Justin shrugged.

“I’d say buying stuff for a baby that’s not even here yet IS wasting money!” Trace stated.

“Oh, don’t be a grump, Trace.  You’re just jealous because J, beat you to buying the first outfit.” Mike laughed.  “And the second one, third one, fourth one, fifth…”

Trace cut him off.  “I get the picture!” he pouted.

Kerrigan laughed at the guys.  “Come on you fools.  I’m tired, I wanna get back to the hotel today.”

“You’re ALWAYS tired anymore.” Trace groaned.

“Well, I’m pregnant, I have an excuse.”

Trace snorted.  “Yeah.  And I can tell you’re going to use that excuse to your full advantage too!”

Justin laughed.  “Can you blame her?”

Trace looked over at Kerrigan as she walked a few feet ahead of them.  “No.  Not really.”

( 1 week later  ~ Thursday Orlando, Florida )

Cody paid the taxi driver and got out of the cab, pulling his overnight bag along with him.  He made his way up to Kerrigan’s apartment and dug his keys out of his pocket.  Kerrigan’s car was parked in the parking lot, but he didn’t want to knock.  He wanted to surprise her.  That had been his sole purpose in coming home for the weekend.  To surprise her.

After getting the good news earlier that week, that was all he had been able to think about.  His plan was falling into place perfectly.  Kerrigan being pregnant gave him a lot of power over things.   And he couldn’t wait to set that power in motion.

Unlocking the door, with the key Kerrigan had given him when she moved in, Cody pushed the door open as quietly as he could.  He figured since it was mid afternoon she’d be in the living room and he wanted to go unnoticed for as long as he could.

Setting his bag down in the hallway he quietly crept down the corridor listening intently for any signs of where she was at in the apartment.  The TV wasn’t on and he couldn’t hear any music, which he found odd.  She was always doing one or the other, it was never this quiet in the house except at night.

Peeking around the corner of the wall into the living room Cody found that it was empty.  No signs of life.  Then the thought occurred to him that perhaps she was napping.  She had mentioned on the phone that she had been extremely tired lately and had been sleeping a lot more.

With that thought in mind, Cody crept back down the hallway towards her bedroom.  The door was standing wide open, so he quietly peeked into the room expecting to find her sprawled out on the bed sound asleep.  But instead he found her bed perfectly made, Kerrigan no where in site.

Cody walked into the room.  He was thoroughly confused.  Where could she be?  She was no where in the house and her car was parked outside.  The thought briefly occurred to him that perhaps she was out with a friend, but then he remembered that the only people other than himself that she hung out with were all out of town.

Then it hit him.  Walking over to her closet, Cody ripped the door open quickly.  And just as he had suspected her suitcase was gone.  She was gone.  She wasn’t even there.  And he didn’t even have to ponder as to where she was at.  He already knew.  She was in Virginia with Justin.  And he didn’t doubt for a moment that she had been there the entire time.  Lying to him.  Letting him believe she had stayed home, as he had instructed her to.

Cody was angry.  He was beyond angry.  He wanted to call her up right then and there and scream at her.  But he knew that would do no good.  Yelling at her over the telephone would accomplish nothing.  Especially, when she was in the company of Justin and Trace.  If he called her and started a fight with her, those two would surely take that opportunity to poison her mind against him.  Especially, since she was now pregnant.

A momentary smile spread across his face wondering just how Justin had taken that news.  He would have given anything to have been there and seen that.  Cody could only imagine how infuriated Justin had become when he found out that Kerrigan was pregnant.  And with his child no less.  That thought pleased him.

But only for a brief moment, as the thoughts of where Kerrigan was and who she was with quickly overtook his mind once again.

Cody had half a mind to fly over to Virginia and drag her back to Orlando.  But he knew he would never get away with that as long as Justin and Trace were around.  No, he couldn’t show himself in front of them.  This was something he would have to do behind closed doors.

He would have to try to weasel some information out of Kerrigan the next time he talked to her.  Maybe there was some kind of clue as to when she would be coming back.  He knew originally that she was supposed to fly back with Justin and Trace that coming weekend because of that charity thing Nsync did every year.  Cody believed it was called Challenge for the Children, or something like that.

So he decided that the next time he talked to her, he would act cool and remain calm and pump her for information.  He wasn’t going to say anything to her about being back in Orlando and knowing she wasn’t there.

No he wanted to take her by surprise.  That way he could show her just what defying him meant.  She would learn sooner or later to listen to him and he was going to make sure of that.  He didn’t care what extremes he had to go to.

He was sick of playing these games with her.  She was his and he was not going to put up with being lied to.  And he refused to come second to Justin Timberlake.

Kerrigan was his girlfriend.  And soon she would be the mother of his child.  She was going to have to learn a few lessons.  And Cody was more than willing to teach them to her.
 
 
 

Chapter 33

“I am running so late.  I’m supposed to be getting measured for my Wax thing today.” Justin complained as they were rushing through Orlando International Airport.

“I’m telling you it’s some kind of conspiracy.  I’m really starting to hate airlines.” Kerrigan stated.

“Ya’ll the plane was delayed for one hour.  It’s not that big a deal.  I mean we’ve had to wait longer than that before.” Trace tried to reason, as they approached the baggage claim area.

“Yeah, but in that hour that we spent waiting at the airport, had they called us, I coulda got that shower I wanted this morning.  But NOOOOO, instead I got rushed off to the airport all funky.” Kerrigan said.

“Well, if you woulda got up on time, you coulda got your shower.” Justin stated with a smirk.

“Shut up.” Kerrigan retorted, trying not to smile.  She knew he was right but she just felt like complaining.

Mike and the other two bodyguards that was with them quickly grabbed the groups bags and they rushed out towards the waiting SUV that was there to pick them up.

“You sure you don’t want to ride with us, Kerr?” Justin asked again.

Kerrigan had decided on the plane ride there that since they were running late and Justin needed to get to his meeting that she would just take a cab from the airport to her apartment.  She didn’t want to cause him to run any further behind by having to drop her off first.  It was just easier for her to take a cab.  All she wanted was to get home, take a shower and relax.

“I’m sure, J.   It’s not a big deal.”

“Well, are you going to meet us over at the venue later for the Scavenger Hunt thing we’re doing?” Justin asked.

“Yeah.  What time do I need to be there again?”

“Um…” Justin looked to Trace for the answer.

“Five.  We gotta be there at five.” he said shaking his head at Justin’s inability to remember minor details.

“Ok, I’ll see you guys there at five.” Kerrigan said as she started to branch off from them.  One of the bodyguards, Frank had already flagged down a cab for her and loaded her bag.

“Kerrigan.” Justin called after her.

She turned and looked at him as she was about to climb into the cab.  “Are you sure you should be lifting on that bag?  I mean if you go with us, the guys can drop you off after they drop us off and make sure you get all that stuff into your apartment ok.”

“J, it’s fine.  You worry to much!” she smiled at him and then climbed into the cab.

Justin watched from the curb as the cab immediately took off and Kerrigan gave him and Trace a smile and a wave as they drove past them.

“The girl is too stubborn for her own good.” Justin muttered.

Mike out right laughed.  “This coming from the king of stubborn himself!”

( Kerrigan’s apartment )

“Thanks, I got it from here.” Kerrigan smiled at the cab driver as he sat her suitcase down on the curb.

“You sure, Miss?  The fella that stopped me for you said that you was expecting and that I was to help you carry your bags up to your apartment.” the cab driver stated.

Kerrigan groaned inwardly, Justin’s name was written all over this.  “No, seriously it’s ok.  It’s only one flight of stairs and I can just pull it behind me.  It’s not gonna hurt me.  I got it.  But thank you for offering.  I’m sure you need to get back out there to pick up other fairs anyway.  But thanks again.” she smiled and gave him a little wave as she walked away, heading for her apartment.

Kerrigan climbed the flight of stairs to her apartment, pulling her suitcase along behind her and then made her way down the short hall to her apartment door.  She dug her keys out of her purse and quickly unlocked the door.  She couldn’t wait to get inside.  The first thing she was doing was taking a nice long hot shower.

Pushing the door open, Kerrigan walked inside dragging her suitcase along with her and throwing her keys down on the table just inside the door.

Leaving her suitcase in the entry way she walked around the corner into the living room and came to a dead stop when she seen Cody sitting on the sofa, staring at her angrily.  “Cody?  What are you doing here?” she asked, shocked.

“Well, I decided to come home a little early and surprise you.  So we could celebrate our good news.  But imagine that.  I fly all the way back here to see you and you’re not even here!” he stated, getting to his feet.

Kerrigan grew nervous as he slowly walked towards her.  There was anger in his every step.  There was no way she was going to be able to explain this one.  She had been caught red handed and there wasn’t a thing she could do about it.

“Why didn’t you say anything last night?” she questioned.  He had been perfectly normal on the phone the night before when she had talked to him.  And he had known the whole time she wasn’t in Orlando.  She didn’t know how things could possibly get much worse than this.

“Like I said I wanted to surprise you.” he stated flatly.

“Well, you definitely managed that.” she said, attempting to give him a smile.  Hoping to hide the nervousness that was creeping up inside.

“Yeah.  I guess I did.  You do look pretty shocked.  Hell, I’ll go out on a limb here and say you look even more terrified.  Didn’t think you’d get caught in your little lie did you?” Cody growled from in front of her.  He was merely a few inches from her.

“There’s a perfectly good explanation for this.” Kerrigan said.  Hoping that he would at least give her the chance to explain her side of things.  Although, from the look on his face she doubted it.

“I’m sure you think it’s a good explanation.  But you see, in my opinion there’s no good explanation for lying to me.  Or for defying me, for that matter.  I specifically told you NOT to go to Virginia.  But what do you do?  As soon as I’m out the door and out of town you do it anyways.   And then you don’t even have enough decency to tell me.  Instead you like to me for weeks about where you’re at.  And you tell me I can trust you?  How exactly can I trust you?  You’re not earning any trust here.”

“Cody, I tried to explain to you before you left that I had to go.  I promised Justin I would be there.  You cannot ask me to break promises to my friends.  It’s not fair.” Kerrigan argued.  She didn’t really know what else to say in her defense, because he did have a point.

“You can’t break promises to your friends, but you can break promises to me?” he questioned.  “Explain to me how that works.”

Kerrigan sighed.  So much for a nice relaxing few hours before she had to be at the venue for all of the activities she would surely be volunteered for.  “Can we please not argue about this now.  I just got off a plane.  I’m tired.  I just want to take a hot shower and maybe a short nap before I have to head over to the venue later.  Can’t this wait till after I get back tonight?”

Cody laughed, he literally laughed at her.  “You’re not going anywhere.  We’re going to get a few things straight once and for all.  I’m sick of having these conversations with you and I’m sick of repeating myself.  We’re going to get all of this straight today, so there won’t be any further issues down the road.”

“Cody, I can’t do this now.  I have to be at the venue at five for the Scavenger Hunt thing we gotta do today.  Can’t this wait?” Kerrigan objected.

“Did you not hear what I just said?  I said you’re NOT going!  So forget it!” Cody said angrily.  His temper was slipping away.

“But…” Kerrigan attempted to argue but was cut off.

“I SAID YOU’RE NOT GOING AND THAT’S FINAL!” Cody yelled, as he grabbed her by her arm and drug her across the room, slinging her onto the sofa.

Kerrigan looked up at his angry face.  Her heart was racing in her chest, she hadn’t seen him remotely this angry since that night at the venue.  But even then he wasn’t anywhere near as pissed off as he was at that moment.  And that put the fear of God in her.  She remembered all too well what happened the last time.

“Cody, please just clam down.” she spoke softly.

“Calm down?  CALM DOWN?” he yelled.  “Do you have any idea how pissed off I am right now?  Kerrigan, you fucking lied to me for weeks!  WEEKS!  Am I supposed to be happy about that?  What the hell is wrong with you?  Why is it ok to break your promises to me and to lie to me, but not do any of that stuff to Justin?  I’m your BOYFRIEND!” he growled.

Kerrigan began to speak, but Cody continued.  “Hell, I’m the father of your child.  WE’RE HAVING A FUCKING BABY, KERRIGAN!  I deserve more respect than this!”

“I’m sorry, Cody.  But I….”

He cut her off once again, “No, don’t give me anymore of your lame ass excuses.  I’m sick of this shit.   I’m you’re boyfriend and the father of your child and you’re going to start showing me the respect I deserve.  I don’t care what I have to do, Kerrigan.  This shit is going to stop and it’s going to stop now!  Do you understand me?”

“Cody, I know you’re upset.  But please, look at this from my side.” she attempted.

“Look at this from your side?  WHAT ABOUT MY SIDE?” he yelled, moving closer to her.  “What about my feelings?  Don’t they deserve any consideration at all?  You fucking walk all over me!”

“I do not!” she argued.  She never walked all over him, she was always doing what he asked her to do and the one time she went against him she got this?

“YES YOU DO!  It’s always Justin this and Justin that.  Well I’m telling you right now it’s not gonna be Justin anymore.  You’re not going to have ANYTHING to do with him.  Do you understand me?  ANYTHING!” he yelled.

She scowled at him.  “Cody, I’m sorry but I’m not going to stop being friends with Justin because you tell me to.  You can get that out of your head right…”

Kerrigan was cut off by Cody’s hand colliding with her face.  She quickly raised her hand to cover the place where he had just hit her and looked up to him completely shocked.  Tears welling up in her eyes.  She couldn’t believe this was happening again.  He had promised to never hit her again.

“You were saying?” he asked angrily.

“But Justin is my best friend, I can’t just…”

His hand collided with her face again.  “You can and you will.” he told her.  “Unless, of course you want this to become a regular event.”

“You can’t do this.” she sputtered through the tears streaming down her face.  “If you love me you wouldn’t do this.”

“See that’s where you’re wrong.  I’m doing this because I do love you.  I want us to be together.  I want us to be a family.  We’re having a baby, Kerrigan and we don’t need any distractions.  We need to focus on us, and we can’t do that if your little friend Mr. Timberlake is around!  So you’re going to distance yourself from him.  You need to focus on me and making me happy and stop worrying about his sorry ass!  Do you got me?”

 “Cody, please…” she pleaded, sobbing.

Cody reared back to hit her again, but Kerrigan quickly covered her face with both of her arms.  “Stop, please stop Cody!” she pleaded.

“Then stop giving me reasons to hit you!” he retorted.

“I’m not giving you reasons to hit me!” she argued from behind the shield of her arms.

Cody angrily jerked her up off the sofa and dragged her down the hallway to her bedroom, throwing her down on the bed.  “I’m trying to be mindful of the fact that you’re pregnant Kerrigan, but you’re really pissing me off.  Just accept the facts as they are and get over it.  You’re with me.  You’re my girlfriend, the mother of my child.  And you WILL NOT be having anything further to do with Justin Timberlake.  If I so much as even THINK you’ve been around him, I swear to God, Kerrigan I’ll show you what hitting you is all about.  Do you understand me?” he threatened.

Kerrigan was sobbing into the bed.  She didn’t know what to do.  She was so terrified she couldn’t think straight.  The only thing she could think about was her baby.  The pregnancy hadn’t been planned and at first she had been uneasy about the whole thing.  But the idea of being pregnant and becoming a mother had overtaken her over the last week.  And what she assumed was a motherly instinct was taking over her right then.  She would do whatever she needed to do to protect her child.  Even if that meant agreeing to what Cody was saying.

He did have a few points.  They were together and they did need to focus on their relationship so they could be a family.  Kerrigan, didn’t want to screw everything up and end up a single Mother.  She knew it was going to be hard just being a young Mother with Cody’s help, she couldn’t possibly imagine doing it on her own.  She had to make this work.  But she would find a way to get around this whole Justin stipulation he was trying to put in place.

She figured he was just angry because she had lied to him.  That she would be able to talk some sense into him once he calmed down.  Maybe if she just gave him a couple of days he would get over his rage and his absurd ideas to cut Justin from her life completely.

That’s what it was.  He was just upset and hurt because she had lied to him.  But once he calmed down he would see things more clearly.  Or at least that’s what she tried to reassure herself with, as she looked up to Cody through tear filled eyes and agreed.  “Yeah, I understand.”
 
 
 

Chapter 34

( A few hours later )

“Hello?” Justin answered his cell.

“J, it’s me.” Kerrigan spoke softly into the phone.

“Hey, where ya at?  I thought you was going to be here at five, it’s five thirty.” Justin said looking at his watch.

“I’m not going to be able to make it.”

“What?  Why not?” he questioned.

Kerrigan sighed into the phone as she looked up to her reflection in the mirror on her bathroom wall.  Staring back at her was a huge black eye.  “I’m not feeling so well.” she stated.

“Well, you can just sit around.  You don’t have to do anything.  Just come down and hang with us.” Justin coaxed.  He wanted her there.  She was always at the Challenge events and it wouldn’t be the same without her there.

“I would J, but I can’t.  I’ve been sick since I got home and I’m just really tired and I need to sleep.”

“Ok, well then will you be there tomorrow?” he asked, giving in.  He didn’t want to pressure her if she was really sick, which he assumed she was considering she was pregnant.

“I don’t think so.  I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it at all this weekend.” she said, bracing herself for his reaction.

“WHAT?  WHY?  You’re always at Challenge.  Why don’t you wait and see how you feel in the morning before you make any decisions?  You could feel better tomorrow.”

“Well, Cody’s home and I haven’t seen him in a few weeks.  And we got a lot of stuff to work out with me being pregnant and all so I need to be here.” she lied, holding back her tears.  She knew if she even allowed one tear to slip he would be able to hear it in her voice.  Justin knew her that well.

“He’s home?  What’s he doing back so early?  Does he know you were in Virginia with me?”

“He wanted to come home and surprise me because of the good news.”

“But does he know you were in Virginia?” Justin urged her to answer.

“Yeah, he got back yesterday and I wasn’t here.  He was waiting here when I got home.”

“Shit.” Justin muttered.  That was probably the real reason she wasn’t coming tonight.  Or the real reason behind why she didn’t feel well, they were probably arguing.  “Is everything ok over there?” he asked.

Kerrigan starred at her face.  Her eye had swelled up quickly and immediately became discolored, but there was no way she could tell Justin about that.  He would go insane if she informed him of what had happened.

A part of her wanted to tell him so badly, thinking he would be able to help her.  He would be able to solve her problems and make them go away.  But another part of her knew that he couldn’t do anything.  This was her problem and she was the only person responsible for it.

Besides, she was pregnant and she needed to make that her top priority.  She was determined to make things right with Cody and work through their issues.  Given time she hoped she would be able to cure him of his insecurities regarding Justin and they would all be able to get along, but for now she would do what she needed to do.  She didn’t want to be a single mother.  She didn’t want to be alone.

“Everything’s fine, J.  He’s a little upset that I lied to him, but we talked about it and everything is fine.” she lied, hoping he believed her.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“J, you know I’d tell you if it wasn’t.  It’s fine.  Don’t worry about me, I can take care of myself.  Just apologize to the guys for me, for flaking out on them but I really need to focus on this right now.  I mean having a baby is a big deal and we do have a lot of things to work out.  Plus, I kinda feel like I owe it to him since I did lie to him for the past few weeks.”

Justin sighed.  “I understand.” he said and he did, even though he didn’t really want to.

“Ok, well I have to go.  I’m gonna lay back down.  The plane ride home really exhausted me for some reason.”

“It’s called being pregnant.” Justin stated.

“Yeah, I’m sure that’s what it is.” Kerrigan said softly.

“Ok, well I guess I’ll talk to you later.” he said.

“Ok, have fun this weekend.  Raise a lot of money for the kids.” she tried to pump him up for the event.  She could tell by the tone of his voice that he was disappointed.

“We will.”

“J, I’m sorry.” Kerrigan apologized.  “I’d be there if I could.”

“I know.  It’s just not going to be the same without you, but I understand.  You’ve got more important things to deal with.  It’s all good.  Just take care of yourself and call me if you need anything.”

“I will.  Love ya, J.  I’ll talk to you soon.” she whispered into the phone guiltily.  Quickly wiping away the single tear that she had finally allowed to slip by.

“Love ya too, Kerr.  Later.” he said, then hanging up.

Kerrigan sat the phone down on the sink after clicking it off and starred at her reflection in the mirror.  Her heart was breaking inside.  When did her life become so complicated?  That’s all she wanted to know.

( Later that evening at the venue )

Justin and Trace lazily walked into the venue with a couple other people.  They spotted Chris, JC and Joey standing off to the side of the room and headed their way after saying a quick goodbye to the people they had been out on their scavenger hunt with.

“Hey you two, having fun?” JC asked as Trace and Justin walked up to them.

“Oh, tons!” Justin said sarcastically.

“Aw, perk up man.  It isn’t that bad!” Joey laughed.

“J’s, just pissed because he didn’t find everything on our list.  Him and Shannon kept getting distracted goofing off!” Trace revealed.

“Well, if you took it seriously.” JC began to scold.

“It’s not supposed to be serious.  It’s supposed to be fun!” Justin defended.

“Well, did you have fun goofing off with Shannon?” Joey asked.

“Yeah.” Justin nodded.

“Well, then why are you pissed then?  You can’t have your cake and eat it too.” JC stated.

Trace laughed.  “This is Justin we’re talking about guys.  He thinks he can, but when reality bites him in the ass, he gets pissed off.”

“Shut up.” Justin said, shoving Trace.  “I’m not pissed off.”

“Coulda fooled me.” Joey snorted.

“Whatever!” Justin grumbled.  He hated it when the guys picked on him.  Where was Lance when you needed him?  Usually he’d divert the attention from himself to Lance, but of course he just had to be in Russia didn’t he?

“Hey, where’s Kerrigan at?” Chris asked.  “I thought she was going to be here today, but I haven‘t seen her around anywhere.”

Justin frowned.  “Well, she was going to be here but I guess Cody came home early from the tour or whatever and they’re gonna try to figure things out this weekend about the baby.”

“The baby?” Chris questioned.  He, nor any of the other guys had yet to have been informed about that minor detail.

“Oh, shit ya’ll don’t know yet.” Justin realized, looking around at Chris and the other guys who were all staring at him questioningly.

“Know what?” Joey asked.

“Um, well Kerrigan’s pregnant.” Justin stated, looking over to Trace who merely shook his head in distaste.  He was still unhappy about that situation.

“Kerrigan’s pregnant?” Chris questioned.  “By Cody?”

“Yeah.” Justin sighed.  “That stupid bastard got her pregnant.  And I’m positive he did it on purpose too.  No one can tell me otherwise.”

“Justin…” JC drew out in warning.

“Don’t Justin me, JC!  It’s the truth, we all know it is.  The guy is like majorly possessive of her and he’s so desperate to hang on to her that he’ll do anything.  This is evidence of that.”

“It could have been an accident.” Joey supplied.  He knew about accidents and unplanned pregnancies all too well.

“It wasn’t.  I assure you of that.” Justin shook his head, refusing to think anything different.

“Well, there’s not much you can do now.” JC sighed.  “It’s a shame though.  She’s so young this is going to change her life completely.”

“I know, that’s the worst part.” Justin said, looking to the floor.

“It’ll all work out, J.  Kerrigan’s got a great support system.  She’s got her family, you, Trace and all of us.  Everything will be ok, so don’t worry about it.” Joey said, trying to be encouraging.

“Yeah, I know.  But still I worry about her.  She’s so young and this is so huge.  It changes everything.”

“Sometimes change it good though.” JC supplied.

“I hope you’re right, C.  I really hope you’re right.” Justin sighed.

Meanwhile, Chris was quiet as Justin’s words sunk in and the other talked.  He couldn’t believe that Kerrigan was pregnant.  This was a horrible turn of events.  Hell, her even being back with Cody after what had happened the night of their last show was bad enough.

When he had gotten that word he was almost furious and very tempted to tell Justin and Trace everything then, but he had restrained himself.  And the fact that Justin had pushed for them to get back together didn’t help matters any either.

And now she was pregnant by him.

Chris didn’t know what to do.  His conscious was really wearing on him.  He knew that Justin and Trace needed to know the truth.  He wanted so badly to tell them.  But he had promised Kerrigan that he wouldn’t.  And things so far seemed to be ok between the two.  He hadn’t heard anything about any fights or anything.

In fact, from everything he had heard, the two were getting along great since they had gotten back together.  But still that couldn’t minimize the guilt and concern that still lingered within Chris.

But he didn’t know what he could do.  If he told Justin and Trace about what had happened the night of their last show, he risked ruining his friendship with Kerrigan.  And at this point he didn’t feel that he really had a reason to tell them.  Or so he tried to convince himself.  Constantly reminding himself that they were getting along great.  That they were no longer fighting.

Finally, Chris made an subconscious agreement with himself.  That if he for any reason thought that something was going on behind the scenes.  That even the slightest thing was out of place or wrong with Kerrigan and Cody‘s relationship.  Then he would go to Justin and tell him.  But not until he was given a reason.

As long as Kerrigan was ok and not in any danger then everything was ok.  He just hoped that he wouldn’t regret his decision later.
 
 

Chapter 35

( Last week of July )

Justin stared at the numbers on the door in front of him before he finally reached out and knocked on the door.  He was at Kerrigan’s apartment.  He’d just flown back in from Virginia Beach.  He’d been there since right after Challenge had ended.  He wanted to continue working on his album and so he hadn’t seen Kerrigan since they’d gotten back from Virginia.

Justin had spoken to her on the phone a few times but she was always busy.  Her and Cody were always doing something, or she had a doctors appointment.  Something was always going.  So even though he’d spoken to her on the phone, it had only been briefly and he was missing the hell out of her.

She was after all his best friend, but it seemed like she was hardly a part of his life anymore.  He never got to see her.  Never got to talk to her.  And it was really starting to bug the hell out of him.

He’d been trying to distract himself with working on his album, but that wasn’t even doing it anymore.  He missed having her around.  She been right by his side for the last three years, since she had turned eighteen and he had flown her down to Florida.  And to now suddenly find her place absent, it was disheartening.

Justin looked up and focused on the person standing in the doorway when it slowly swung open.  Great, his favorite person in the world, he thought as he gave Cody a quick look over.  “Kerrigan here?” he asked.

Cody didn’t seem pleased to see him, but nodded and invited him in none the less.  “Yeah, come on in.” he mumbled.

Justin brushed past Cody and walked into the living room.  It was weird to him that she had lived there for a couple months now but he had only been to her apartment once.  And that was when it was still empty, right before he had left for Virginia Beach the first time around.

“She’s in the bedroom laying down, I’ll go get her for you.” Cody said before disappearing down the hallway.

Justin walked over and took a seat on the sofa.  He was getting a really weird vibe from Cody but he couldn’t put his finger on what it was.  Sighing, Justin shook it off.  He wasn’t there to worry himself with Cody, he was there to see Kerrigan.  He missed her and couldn’t wait to see her.

A few minutes later an exhausted looking Kerrigan came walking into the room dressed in sweats and a baggy t-shirt.  “Hey, J.  What ya doing here?” she asked nonchalantly, as she sat down in an oversized chair across from him.

“Well, I just flew back into town this morning and I haven’t seen you in forever so I thought I’d stop by and see how you were holding up.  How's pregnancy treating you?” he smiled at her.  From her appearance, it didn’t seem to be treating her too kindly, she looked horrible.

Cody chuckled as he entered the room, walking over to the chair Kerrigan was sitting in.  He motioned for her to get up and then he sat down in her place.  Pulling her down on his lap.  “She’s been sick as a dog.” he finally said, explaining his reason for laughing.  “The porcelain thrown has been her new best friend.”

“Yuck.” Justin stated, making a face.

“Yuck is not the word for it.” Kerrigan sighed, leaning back into the firm grip Cody had on her.  She could feel his possessiveness in his touch and knew she was going to be hearing about this later.  Perhaps even feeling it.

Justin smiled at her.  “Well, other than that, how have you been?”

“I’ve been good.  Just tired and running on empty but the doctor says it’s normal in the first trimester.” she shrugged.

Justin nodded, not really sure what to say in response to that.  He didn’t really know anything about what to expect during a pregnancy.  And he honestly didn’t want to linger on the topic.  He was still unhappy with the fact that Kerrigan was having Cody’s baby.  He couldn’t do anything about it, but he could choose not to talk about it.

“Well, I’m glad things are going good with that.” he stated.

Cody could sense the resentment in Justin’s voice and he knew it bothered him.  Which in turn made him smile.  “So why’d you stop by?” he asked.  He wanted to get this little visit over with as quickly as possible.  He’d been in heaven over the last few weeks not having Justin around.  And he wasn’t pleased that the guy had just showed up on Kerrigan’s doorstep uninvited or announced.

Justin looked from Kerrigan to Cody and back to Kerrigan again.  It really irritated him that Cody had to be in the middle of their conversation.  It wasn’t any of his damn business why he was there.  He could stop by and see his friend if he wanted to.

“Well, like I said I just flew back in from Virginia and thought I’d stop by.” he paused.  “I’m flying out to California in a few days to sign the deal on my new house.”

“So you got it?” Kerrigan asked before thinking.  She was mentally kicking herself for that slip.  That right there told Cody she had in fact at least been talking to Justin on the phone.

Justin smiled.  “Yup, they accepted my offer the other day and I sign the papers next week to close the deal.”

“That’s great.” Kerrigan smiled proudly.

“Yeah, I’m excited.  This place is HUGE, Kerr.  I can’t wait for you to see it.” Justin beamed.

And Kerrigan grew uncomfortable.  Did he have to say that in front of Cody?  But then how was he supposed to know that she had been forbidden to be around him?  Wasn’t like she had actually told him that.  She didn’t have the heart to tell him that.  And she could tell by the tightening in Cody’s grip on her that she’d be hearing about that later too.

When Kerrigan didn’t say anything in response to his statement, Justin eyed her carefully.  She didn’t look as excited as he had expected her to.  In fact she looked somewhat distracted, lost in thought.  Hoping to somehow gain her attention, Justin carried on with his good news.

“Anyway, like I said I fly out in a couple days and I sign the papers next week.  I’ll be moving in like the week after that.  Trace, is flying out with me to help me pick out some stuff for the place.  And Mom’s gonna be there too.  She said that she was not about to allow me and Trace to decorate the house.  Said we’d ruin it’s beauty or some shit like that.  Can you believe what little faith she has in me?” he joked.

Kerrigan gave Justin her best smile.  She was happy for him.  More than she could show at the moment, but she was definitely happy for him.  “Well, Justin your Mom knows you better than anyone.  And if the house is as nice as you say it is, then I think it’s probably best that she does decorate it.  God, only knows what it would look like if it was left up to you and Trace.”

“Thanks.” Justin scoffed.  “You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“Mother knows best.” Cody mocked out of no where.

Justin glanced at him, choosing to ignore his comment he went on.  “Anyway, I was gonna see if you wanted to come out with us.  I mean we haven’t seen you in a few weeks, since we’ve all been extremely busy.  And well, this is kind of a big deal for me and I’d like to have you there.  Plus, we’re throwing a surprise Birthday party for JC the following weekend as well.  So you gotta be there for that.”

Kerrigan shifted on Cody’s lap, trying to find a more comfortable position considering he was practically squeezing her to death.  Her mind was running over excuses she could give Justin.  She really wanted to go with him but knew that Cody would have a fit.  She could attempt to talk to him about it later, but there was no way she could agree to it right then.

“Well, I’ve got some more doctors appointments over the next week, so I don’t think I’ll be able to make it.  Plus, I don’t know that traveling in my current condition is such a wise decision.  I haven’t been straying too far from the bathroom if you catch me.” she said, hoping he would except her feeble excuse.

“Oh, I see.” Justin said, looking down at his hands.

“I’m sorry J, it’s just been crazy lately and I’ve been really sick and it’s just really not a good time.  You know I’d be there if I could.” Kerrigan said, hating herself.

She missed Justin and Trace so much and it was killing her inside not being able to see them like she used to.  Talking to them on the phone every now and then was not cutting it, but she didn’t know what else to do.  Cody had made it crystal clear that he didn’t want her anywhere near Justin, hell he didn’t even want her talking to him on the phone.  And she was so caught up in trying to do what she thought was the right thing for the baby’s sake that she just went along with everything the best she could.

But her best did not include telling Justin that she could no longer be his friend as Cody had instructed her to, several times.  Kerrigan could not find it in her heart to tell him that.  Because in her heart he would always be her friend no matter what Cody said or did.  She was staying away from Justin and as far as she was concerned that was enough.  She was more than meeting Cody half way.

“It’s ok, I understand.” Justin said getting to his feet.  He literally felt like crying, he was so confused.

Kerrigan had always been right by his side.  She had ALWAYS been his best friend.  There for all the special moments and now she was telling him that she couldn’t be and it hurt.  It hurt him deep to the core.

“Well, I’m gonna run.  I just remembered that I’m supposed to stop by Johnny’s to go over some things with him.” Justin said making his way towards the front door.

Kerrigan pulled free from Cody’s grasp to follow Justin.  “J, I’m really sorry.  Please don’t be mad at me.” she pleaded, feeling horrible.  She could tell he was really hurt by her rejection.

But Cody was quickly following the two.  He was not about to leave them alone for a second and he was really loving the way Justin was sulking about the whole situation.  He was gaining immense pleasure from Justin’s very visible pain.

“Dude, it’s not her fault she can’t travel because she’s pregnant.  Don’t be selfish.” Cody called after him, trying to incite Justin’s anger.

Justin stopped at the door and turned to look at Cody who was standing behind Kerrigan.  “I would NEVER ask her to do something that would be unhealthy for her and the baby.  I’m disappointed that she can’t make it.” he said to Cody but then turned his attention to Kerrigan.  “But I’m not mad.”

“I’m really sorry, Justin.  It’s just…”

Justin cut her off.  “Kerr, you don’t need to explain.  I understand.  It’s cool.  Just take care of yourself and the baby.  That’s more important than anything else.” he smiled at her and then reached out to pull her in for a hug.  “I love ya, Kerr.  I’ll call you later or something.” he said as he released her.

Kerrigan stood there somewhat rigid as Justin released her and opened the front door to leave.  That was going to cause a whole slew of problems for her, but at the same time she would happily accept them because it felt incredible to be hugged by Justin once again.  She missed  him so much.

“I’ll talk to you later.” she called after his retreating back.

Justin stopped at the stairs and turned to smile and give Kerrigan a final wave before he trotted off down the stairs, disappearing from her sight.

Kerrigan sighed and shut the front door.  He heart had been breaking more and more with every day that went by without seeing Justin.  But now it was magnified.  Seeing him caused her to realize just how much she had missed him and just how important he was in her life.  The whole situation was getting way out of hand and she wasn’t sure how much more she could take.  Or why she was taking it for that matter.

But she was quickly reminded when Cody suddenly grabbed her by the back of her head, pulling her along behind him towards the bedroom.  “YOU’VE BEEN TALKING TO HIM ON THE PHONE?” he yelled.  “HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING AT ALL?”

“Cody, please.” Kerrigan pleaded.  She was in enough turmoil as it was, she didn’t need this stress on top of everything else.

“Don’t Cody please, me!” he spat.  “I’m sick of this Kerrigan.  I guess I need to remind you of what the consequences of your actions are!” he said as he spun her around and his fist collided with her face. 
  
  
 

Chapter 36

( Thurs. August 15th ~ Orlando, Florida )

Pulling his sun visor down lower on his face, Chris made his way into the grocery store.  He was hoping to go unnoticed.  He was only there to run in and pick up a pie or something to take with him to his Mother’s house.  They were having a big family dinner type reunion thing and he needed to bring something.  And he wasn’t about to cook, so this was his only option.  And he just wanted to get it and get right back out without any commotion.

Grabbing a hand held basket on his way through the door, he made a beeline for the Bakery area.  He’d been to this particular Grocery store several times so he knew exactly where everything was.  That was the bonus in going there.

Once he reached the racks with all the pies, he began looking over everything trying to decide what to get and just how many to get.  A lot of people were going to be there and he knew that his mother and sisters had been slaving away making dinner all day long so he didn’t want to show up with just ONE pie.  But then he’d never been very good at making decisions like this either.  He loved sweets and he wasn’t picky, but his sisters and some of his other family members were.  Hence, the problem.

Chris turned to look around for someone that worked in the department, in hopes of getting some advice on what was good and what wasn’t, but he didn’t see anyone.  Sighing he turned and looked in the other direction and that’s when he spotted a slender girl half way down the isle that couldn’t be mistaken for anyone else.

The pies forgotten, Chris headed off in her direction.  He hadn’t seen Kerrigan in forever.  Since right after they had gotten off of tour.  There was no way he could not go say hi.

Walking up to her, she now had her back to him, a smirk slid across Chris’ face. This opportunity was just too good to pass up.

Sliding his arms around her waist, he leaned in towards her ear.  “Hey sexy mama, what do you say we get out of here and go back to your place.”

Kerrigan shoved loose and spun around ready to smack him, but quickly halted her hand in mid air when she noticed it was Chris.  And he was smirking at her devilishly.

Kerrigan pulled off her sunglasses to get a better look at him. “Chris? Oh my God, CHRIS!” she squealed happily, as she launched herself into his arms, hugging him.

Chris however wasn’t as receptive to her embrace.  He quickly pulled her back, not letting go of her arms as he stared at her.  “What the hell happened to your face?” he questioned, staring at the slight purple bruising below Kerrigan’s eye.

Shit.  She had forgotten about that.  “It’s nothing.” she waved him off, and attempted to put her sunglasses back on, but Chris halted her progress.

“It doesn’t look like nothing.” he argued holding onto her right arm.  It was then that he noticed the slight bruising on her arm as well.  “And what’s this?” he questioned further.

Kerrigan looked down at her arm.  Why had she chosen to wear a tank top when she had visible bruises, she didn’t know.  Perhaps it was because it had become such a  normal thing to her anymore that she didn’t really even consider it when making her clothing choice for the day.

“Chris, calm down.  It’s ok.  I was in a car accident.” she lied.

“A car accident?” he questioned, studying her suspiciously.

“Yeah, a few days ago.  But I’m ok.  Just got banged up a bit.” There was no way she could tell Chris that she had gotten the bruises from yet ANOTHER altercation with Cody.

Justin had called her a couple days earlier to tell her that he was going to be moving into his new place that Friday and wanted to check again to see if there was any way she could fly out.  She of course had told him no, but Cody hadn’t cared about that.  The only thing he seemed to care about was the fact that Kerrigan was still talking to Justin on the telephone.  Which had incited another fight, leaving Kerrigan with a black eye and bruises on her arms.

“A car accident?” Chris repeated.   He didn’t believe her lame excuse for a minute.  A car accident didn’t leave that kind of bruising.

Chris’ heart sunk as it dawned on him, Cody had done this to her.  Cody had hit her.  Again.  He was overwhelmed with guilt and was growing more angry with every second that passed, as he continued to stare at her bruises.

He couldn’t believe that the guy was stupid enough to put his hands on her again.  Or that Kerrigan was even still with the guy for that matter.  And suddenly Chris found himself wondering just how many other times this had happened.  A sinking feeling was growing in the pit of his stomach and he wasn’t sure how much longer he was going to be able to control his emotions.

Kerrigan was like a sister to him.  There wasn’t a thing he wouldn’t do for the girl.  But suddenly the secret he had been burdening himself with for so long had grown too much.  There was no way he could stand by and allow this to continue.  He had to do something.  And he had to do it now.

Kerrigan seemed to be able to read Chris’ thoughts and was quick to jump on the defensive.  “I know what you’re thinking, Christopher and you’re wrong!  So you need to calm down before you make a scene.  You’re in public and you do NOT need that kind of attention.” she tried to reason with him.

Chris reached out and gently grabbed Kerrigan by her arm and began to pull her along with him.  “You’re going to come to my Mom’s with me.” he stated.

Kerrigan stopped dead in her tracks and pulled Chris backwards, refusing to move any further.  “Why am I going to your Mom’s?”

“I’m not letting you go back to him.  Do you honestly think I’m going to let you go back there knowing he did this to you?”

“Chris, I told you.  I was in a car accident.”

“Ok.  So explain to me how you got the specific bruises you have from a car accident, Kerrigan.  Did something pop you in your eye?  Did a piece of metal grab you by your arm?  Do tell.  Please explain to me how you have ALL of this bruising but no actual cuts.  It’s not possible and I don’t believe you for a minute.”

Kerrigan sighed.  “Chris, please don’t.”

“NO!” he shook his head.  “I blew this off one time before, hoping it would never happen again.  I didn’t tell a soul Kerrigan.  I kept your secret, but what good did it do me?  None, that’s what!  Look at you!  It’s obvious he’s been hitting you.  And I will NOT allow you to go back to him!” Chris said firmly.

“Well, Chris you’re not my Father so you can’t control what I do.” Kerrigan spat back defensively.  She didn’t want to fight with him, but he didn’t understand what was going on.  He didn’t understand her reasons for staying.  He just didn’t understand anything.

“If you think I wont throw you over my shoulder and carry your ass out of this store you’ve got another thought coming!” he warned.

“Chris do us both a favor and mind your own business!” Kerrigan snapped and began to walk away but was halted by Chris grabbing her arm.

“Please, don’t go back there Kerrigan.  I’m only looking out for you.  I don’t want to see you hurt anymore.  I love you like you’re my own sister.  Please just come with me to my Mom’s house.  We can call Justin, I’m sure he wouldn’t have a problem with you going back to his place and staying until we can get this all sorted out.”

“You don’t understand, Chris.  I can’t do that.  I have to go back.”

“No, you don’t.   Kerrigan, think about this.  It’s stupid!” he argued.

“Chris, I’m pregnant.  I need Cody.  I can’t just walk away from him.  It’s far more complicated than you think it is.  And I don’t’ expect you to understand but this is just the way it is.”

Chris’ eyes quickly diverted to Kerrigan’s stomach, that fact had completely slipped his mind.  The shirt she was wearing was form fitting so he could easily tell that she was pregnant.  Not that she was showing a great deal but her stomach was no longer flat as he remembered it being.  She now had a slight little poof to it.

“Even more of a reason to go with me.” he said, still staring at her stomach.  He hadn’t seen her since he had found out she was pregnant.  And it only made him even angrier to stand there and look at her, with her slightly swollen stomach and bruises all over her arms and face.

“No, Chris.  It’s more of a reason to stay.  I need Cody.  He’s the father of my baby.  We’re going to be a family.  If I leave him I’ll be alone.  I can’t do this alone.” she pleaded with him.  She needed to make him understand.

Chris’ eyes shot back up to hers.  All he could see in her eyes was pain and fear.  She was scared of being alone.  Scared of being a mother without Cody.  And he couldn’t help but think that, that was a piss pore excuse to endure what she’d obviously been enduring.

“That’s you’re reason for staying?  You don’t want to be alone?  Get real, Kerrigan!  How many friends do you have?  You’ve got Justin and Trace.  ME!  Not to mention all of the other guys!  How the hell could you think for one second that you would be alone?  That’s just insane!  That’s no excuse for what you’re putting yourself through.  No excuse at all!”

“You’re not me!  And you cannot make this decision for me, Chris.  I’m sorry you don’t agree.  And I’m sorry you’re upset, but this is my life!  I get to make my own choices here.  And I’ve made mine.” she paused.  “Look, I gotta go.  I need to get back to the apartment.  It was good seeing you.” she said, leaning in to hug him one last time.

As she walked away Chris called after her.  “Kerrigan, please don’t do this.  Please just come with me.”

She turned and looked at Chris solemnly.  “I love you, Chris and I appreciate your concern.  But I have to do this.  This is my life and my baby’s life and I have to do what’s best for us.  I’ll see ya around.” she waved and then walked off, leaving a stunned Chris in her wake.

( Fri. August 16, 2002 ~ Hollywood, CA )

Trace hung up his phone and then walked around some boxes stacked in the driveway to make his way over to Justin.  A somber expression upon his face.  “Hey, J.  I need to talk to you for a sec.”

“What’s wrong?” Justin asked, noticing the look on Trace’s face.

“Got a call from Chris.  He was up in Orlando from Miami visiting some family or something.  I’m not sure, but he was real upset.  He was going on and on about how he should have said something months ago, but that Kerrigan had begged him not to.  And now he felt horrible about it.”

“What the hell are you talking about Trace?  Chris, feels horrible about what?”  Justin questioned.

“Well, it took me forever but between his ramblings of guilt I finally got it out of him. “

“Got what out of him?” Justin asked, growing annoyed that it was taking Trace so long to get the point.

“Well, I guess he ran into Kerrigan at the grocery store or something.  He said he went there to pick something up for a dinner or something he was going to.”

“Why’s him running into Kerrigan such a big deal?” Justin asked.

“Apparently she had a black eye, and some bruises on her arms.  He said that she told him she was in a car accident….”

Justin cut Trace off.  “Kerrigan was in a car accident?  Is she ok?” he asked frantically.

“No, Justin.  She wasn’t in a car accident.  Cody, did that to her.” Trace said solemnly.

“WHAT?” Justin asked in disbelief.

“Chris, said she tried to deny it was Cody, but finally admitted to it.” Trace said, watching Justin closely.  It was all he could do to restrain himself, but Justin wasn’t good about doing that.  Especially, when it came to Kerrigan.

“She admitted that Cody beat her?” Justin questioned.

“Yeah.  She did.  Chris, tried to get her to go to his Mom’s with him but she wouldn’t.  Said she had to go back to Cody because of the baby.  Said she didn’t want to be alone that she couldn’t do it on her own without him.”

“What the hell is she thinking?” Justin sighed as he began to pace.  He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“That’s not all.” Trace said cautiously.

“There’s more?” Justin asked disbelievingly.

“Apparently this isn’t the first time it’s happened.“

“What?“ Justin asked, looking up to meet Trace’s eyes.  He was so shocked by all of this he didn’t know what to think.  How to feel.  Or how to react.  But anger was slowly becoming the best option.

“Well, that’s what Chris was going on about at the beginning of the call.  About feeling guilty.”

“Guilty?” Justin questioned.  He didn’t like the sound of this.

“You know that night at the venue after your guy’s final show.  The night Kerrigan and Cody had that huge blow up about he dare?”

Justin’s stomach sunk.  “Yeah?”

“He hit her then too.  Chris, walked in on it.”

“You mean to tell me that Chris has known about this the whole time?  He knew that Cody had hit Kerrigan before and he didn’t tell us?” Justin asked angrily.

“I guess Kerrigan had begged him not to tell anyone and made him promise not to say anything.  She swore it was a one time thing and that it had never happened before.  But now Chris feels horrible because he didn’t say anything then and he said he was positive that the marks on her arms and her black eye wasn’t from any car accident.  He’s like freaking out about it.”

“He should be!  How could he not say anything?” Justin said, throwing his arms up in the air.

“I don’t know man.  All I do know is that Chris is really worried about her.  He said he tried to get her to leave with him.  That he tried to talk some sense into her but she wouldn’t listen to him.  We gotta do something, J.  We can’t just leave her there to go through this.  She’s obviously not thinking with her head!” Trace exclaimed, his emotions showing through.

“Oh, man.” Justin said, walking over to the steps on the entrance of his house.  He sat down, wringing his hand out and then bringing them up to his face as he sat there absorbing the things he had just been told.  “What the hell are we gonna do?”
 

Chapter 37
 

“All I know is that mother fucker better not be here!” Justin said, as he and Trace made their way up the stairs to Kerrigan’s apartment.

They had flown in first thing that morning.  After receiving the news the previous afternoon, Justin’s moving had been put off.  Well not completely.  They finished moving everything into the house but as for unpacking, it wasn’t an option at the moment.  Both Justin and Trace’s minds were preoccupied with other thoughts.  And although the anger they were both feeling had been somewhat beneficial in motivating them to move things into the new house.  It did very little for motivating them to unpack anything.

Justin’s Mom Lynn, had suggested that the boys hold off on that part.  She knew her son and she knew his temper.  She didn’t want him to destroy all of his things while he worried himself over Kerrigan the rest of the evening.

The guys had attempted to get a flight out the night before so they could get to Kerrigan sooner, but there had been no available flights going to Orlando, so they’d had to tough it out till morning.  But they had caught a flight first thing that morning and now they were in Orlando.

And they were both going to put their feet down.  They were not going to allow Kerrigan to put herself through this.  And if either one of them got their hands on Cody, well the boy just better wish for a miracle.  Because they both were looking to kill him with their own bare hands.

“I agree!” Trace retorted, as the two of them marched down the short hall to Kerrigan’s apartment.

As soon as they reached it, Justin began banging loudly on the door.  He didn’t care who he disturbed or who got pissed off.  He was making his presence known.

A few moments later, in the middle of another one of Justin’s beatings, the door flung open.  “What the hell…” Kerrigan began to protest, but stopped dead in her tracks when she seen both Justin and Trace standing there angrily.

Immediately Kerrigan knew that they knew.  It was written all over their faces.  And if that wasn’t bad enough, when they seen her face and her black eye their anger grew.

Justin immediately grabbed her face in his hands.  “I’m going to fucking kill him!” he growled.

Kerrigan pulled back from him and attempted to speak.  “Wha…what are you two doing here?” she stuttered.

“What do you THINK we’re going here?” Trace asked angrily, as he pushed past her and entered her apartment.

“Do you really need an explanation, or isn’t it obvious?” Justin said, following Trace and pushing past her to enter her apartment.

Kerrigan stood in the doorway for a brief moment stunned.  Trying to gather her thoughts on how she was going to handle this situation.  This was NOT going to go over well.  Not at all.

Closing the door quietly, she took her time walking into the living room.  She didn’t want to deal with them right now.  Not ever.  This was the last thing she needed.  She had been under enough stress lately with Cody, without adding Trace and Justin to the list.

But Kerrigan knew there was no getting around this.  They were there for a reason and they were determined.  It had been written all over their faces.  She was just very thankful for the fact that Cody wasn’t there, because she knew all too well that if he was, the apartment wouldn’t be as quiet as it was at the moment.  Instead it would be filled with the sounds of things breaking as a fight was sure to ensue.

When she appeared in the living room, both Trace and Justin were seated on the sofa side by side.  They were watching her.  Staring at her.  Inspecting her as their eyes roamed over every visible inch of her body.  Obviously searching for any further signs of abuse.

“We need to talk.” Justin stated as calmly as he could, but Kerrigan could hear the anger in his voice.  There was no disguising that.

“I take it you spoke to Chris?” Kerrigan asked.  She should have known after the little run in she’d had with him at the grocery store the other day that he would call Justin, but she had somehow hoped that he would continue to keep her secret.  So much for that idea.

“Yeah, he called me yesterday.” Trace spoke up.  “Let’s just say I was in no way prepared for what he had to tell me.”

Kerrigan sighed.  “Ok, before you two start tripping out and going off on your little rants maybe you should hear my side.”

“Which side would that be?” Justin questioned.  “The side that tells us the truth and admits that you’ve been allowing that son of a bitch to beat you?  Or is it gonna be the side of you that LIES to us and pretends that everything is ok?”

“Justin….” she sighed.

“No, Kerrigan, let’s be honest here.  This shit’s been going on for a long ass time!  What the hell is wrong with you?  Why didn’t you tell one of us?  Why did you make Chris keep your secret?  Do you know how insane that is?  Why would you even get back with him after he hit you the first time?” Justin demanded.

“Shit.” Kerrigan sputtered.  She hadn’t counted on Chris telling them EVERYTHING.

“No, I want some answers, Kerrigan.  And I want them now!” Justin continued.

Kerrigan looked to Trace for any form of help, but it was obvious from the look on his face that she wasn’t going to get any from him.  “I love him, ok?”

“No, it’s not ok!” Trace spoke up.  “How can you love someone that does this to you?  How can you love someone that hits you, Kerrigan?”

“You guys are just like Chris.  You don’t’ understand what’s going on.  You’re not me.  You don’t know what it’s like.”

“So why don’t you tell us.” Justin stated.

“It doesn’t matter if I do.  You’re going to think whatever you want to think.  You’re not in my position so there’s no possible way for you to understand.” she said, as she walked over and threw herself down in the chair.

“That’s because there’s no valid reason for it, Kerrigan.  If you had a good reason, you’d be able to explain it to us and we’d be able to understand.” Justin said.

“That’s not true.” she objected.

“The hell it isn’t.” Justin argued.  “There’s no reason.  No good reason for you to stay with someone when they’re hitting you, Kerrigan.  I don’t give a shit if you love him or not.  If he’s hitting you then he obviously doesn’t love you.  He wouldn’t hurt you in that way if he did.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” she spat back defensively.  She couldn’t stand to hear those words.  To think that Justin was right.  She had stayed this long and endured this much because she truly believed that Cody did love her and that what she was doing was going to be for the best in the long run.  So that they could be a happy little family with their baby when the time came.

“Do you hear yourself?” Trace asked.  “You’re defending him.  How can you defend him when he does THAT to you?” he demanded, pointing towards her face.  “He beats you Kerrigan, that’s not love.”

“He doesn’t beat me!”

“The how the hell did you get that black eye?  And those bruises on your arms?  Do you like it rough or something?  Is that some weird side effect of being pregnant?” Justin practically yelled.

Kerrigan winced at his tone, she hadn’t seen him this upset in a LONG time.  And it killed her to know that she was the reason behind it, but she didn’t know what she could do.  “Don’t be cruel, Justin.”

“Oh, so it’s ok for Cody to be cruel, slap you around and God only knows what else, but I can’t even say it like it is?” he argued.

“You two only know what Chris told you.  You don’t know the facts.  Chris, doesn’t even know them.  So stop jumping to conclusions.”

“The facts are on your face and arms, Kerrigan.  We don’t need to know anything else.” Trace pointed out.

Kerrigan groaned.  She wasn’t getting anywhere in this conversation.  And she knew she wasn’t likely to either, but she had to at least try.  “Would you two please calm down for a minute and think rationally.”

“Think rationally?” Justin snorted.  “I’m supposed to sit here and look at my best friend and see her sitting across from me with a black eye and bruises on her arms from her fucking boyfriend and I’m supposed to think rationally?”

“Just calm down.” she told him.

“NO!  I cannot be calm.  I REFUSE TO BE CALM!” Justin yelled.  “Being calm and standing by in the past hasn’t gotten me anywhere except here, where I’m looking at you and all I want to do is take you away and protect you.  Protect you from someone that’s HURTING YOU!  And you want me to be calm!  Kerrigan, I love you!  You’re my friend.  I cannot be calm about this!” Justin blurted out.

“Please don’t do this.  Not now.  I don’t need this stress.” Kerrigan pleaded.

“You don’t need to be hit either, but you allow it.” Trace retorted.

Kerrigan couldn’t take much more.  She knew they were right.  She understood their concern and appreciated it, but she was sick of people telling her how to live her life.  Telling her what she could and couldn’t do.  Sick of people judging her.

She had her reasons for doing what she was doing and they would never understood in a million years why she endured the things she did, even if they tried.  And there was no way she was going to try to explain it to them.  She didn’t owe them an explanation.  This didn’t effect anyone but her.

“No, what I don’t need is you two walking up in here with your holier than thou attitudes, trying to tell me how to live my life!” Kerrigan finally blew up.  “You don’t live in my shoes, you don’t know what’s going on in my life, so don’t sit there and preach to me.  I understand you’re upset and I appreciate your concern, but this is MY LIFE and ya’ll need to butt the fuck out!”

“We’d understand if you would talk to us.” Justin said a little more calmly.

“No you wouldn’t.  I’ve know you two all of my life and I know you better than you know yourselves.  You could NEVER comprehend the things that go through my head.  Or that go on in my life.  You’re not ME!  You’re not pregnant and about to have a baby.  So don’t try to pretend that you could possibly understand, because you can’t!”

“I think you’re getting angry at the wrong people.” Trace said as he stood up.  “You should be directing that anger towards Cody.  He’s the one that did all of this to you.  He’s the one that got you pregnant.  He’s the one that’s hitting you.  He’s the one responsible for all of this.  Don’t turn it around on me and Justin.  We’re you’re friends.  We love you.  We’re just looking out for you.”

“I don’t need you to look out for me!” she retorted.

“Obviously you do if you’re going to just stand by and let that jackass beat you!” Trace spat back.

“YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!” Kerrigan yelled.

“We’re talking about him hitting you Kerrigan.  Putting his hands on you in a way he NEVER SHOULD!” Justin responded.

“It’s none of your business!”

“Well, I’m making it my business!” Justin stated.  “When I see that fucker I’m gonna show him what a good beating is all about!”

“I think you two need to leave!” Kerrigan said, she couldn’t take anymore of this.  She needed to think.

“Leave?  You want us to leave?” Trace asked in disbelief.

“I don’t need this right now.” Kerrigan stated, near tears.  “I don’t need the stress.  I have enough to worry about.”

“You wouldn’t have to worry about anything if you would just stop this nonsense and come with us.  Kerrigan, you know we’ll take care of you.  We won't let him hurt you.” Justin said, trying to be compassionate with her.  Trying to reach inside of her to the part that he was sure knew what was happing was wrong.  There’s no possible way she could think that what she was enduring was right, or that she deserved it.  She was smarter than that.

“Please leave.” she repeated.  “I want to be alone.”

“Kerrigan…” Trace tried to protest.

“WOULD YOU  JUST FUCKING LEAVE!” she yelled.

Justin sighed and got to his feet.  “If that’s what you want, then fine we’ll leave.”

Trace began to protest, but Justin silenced him with a look.  He could tell that he and Trace had obviously struck a few nerves and hopefully they’d given her some things to think about.  Hopefully, she would come to her senses.

“If you need anything, you know where to call.” Justin said, as he crossed the living room to leave.

Trace stood there and watched Kerrigan for a moment. She wasn’t looking at him, instead she was staring at her lap.  She refused to look at him.  Finally he sighed, giving up and followed Justin out of the apartment.  Out of her life.  Praying that it wouldn’t be a permanent departure.
 
 
 

Chapter 38

Cody was about to get out of his truck when he noticed Justin and Trace angrily descending the stairs of the apartment building.  They were talking heatedly amongst each other and he couldn’t help but wonder what they were so fired up about.  Neither looked very pleased.  In fact they both looked down right pissed off.

That thought pleased him.  Obviously if they were leaving that way, then they’d argued with Kerrigan.  Maybe she had finally told them to stay away.

But then Cody knew better than that.  If she hadn’t told them to stay away yet, she wasn’t going to do it at all.  And as he thought about that thought the anger grew within him.  They’d obviously been inside her apartment.  And he didn’t want Kerrigan anywhere near Justin.

Cody didn’t give a shit about Trace.  He wasn’t threatened by him.  He didn’t like the guy, but he didn’t feel as though he any was the kind of threat.  Not the kind that Justin was.

Justin was the kind of threat that could very easily, if given the perfect opportunity and time, take Kerrigan away from him.  And that was something he was not going to allow to happen.  Kerrigan was his.  She was having his baby.  And that was all there was to it.

Rethinking his plans for going into the apartment at that moment, Cody got back behind the wheel of his truck and exited the apartment parking lot.  Heading straight for the closest bar.

He had a lot of things to think over.  He wanted to plan out his talk with Kerrigan in his head.  It would be more effective that way if he went into the situation knowing exactly what he wanted to say.  Less likely for him to slip up and say something he didn’t mean to.

Walking in, Cody headed straight for the bar and took a seat ordering a beer, as well as a shot of Tequila.

He sat there for several hours going over everything in his head as he continued to pore one back after another.  Drinking.  Thinking.  Drinking some more.

By the time he left the small facility five hours later he was extremely inebriated.  Stumbling out to his truck Cody fiddled with his keys for a good ten minutes before he finally managed to get the door unlocked and climbed inside.

It was time for him to confront Kerrigan once again.  He felt as if he’d been doing that a lot lately.  Confronting her about phone conversations.  Fighting with her when she would bring up Justin and Trace, still wondering why she couldn’t go out to California to see them.  It just seemed to be one thing after another with her.  And it never failed to be revolve around Justin in some way.

But Cody had decided that was going to stop tonight for sure.  He was sick of the questioning.  Sick of the fighting.  And he was going to end it all right then and there.  He didn’t care what he had to do, he was going to get it through Kerrigan’s thick skull that he was in charge and that what he says goes.

And Justin Timberlake was going.

Kerrigan was still seated in the same chair she had been sitting in when Justin and Trace had left hours before.  But she couldn’t bring herself to move.

All of the things Trace and Justin had said to her were running through her head like a freight train.  Things she hadn’t considered before, or more accurately refused to consider, were right there in front of her face plain as day.

She couldn’t understand why she had put up with all of the abuse she had.  Sure she didn’t want to be a single mother and she wanted her baby to have a family, but was this really the kind of environment she wanted her child to grow up in?  Did she want her child to see her get beat and smacked around just for wanting her friends in her life.

Kerrigan cared about Cody immensely, she knew that to be true.  But she knew Justin was right, if Cody loved her the way he claimed he wouldn’t be doing the things to her he was doing.  He would not try to keep her from her friends.  And he surely would not be abusing her over it.

She knew what she had to do, but didn’t know if she had the courage to do it.  There was still that part inside of her that didn’t want to let go no matter what.  She didn’t want to be alone and that part inside of her knew that no matter what Justin, Trace or anyone else said for that matter, that she would be alone.  Because none of them would be able to understand her dilemma.

Sure they would be there for her the best they could, she had no doubts about that at all.  But Kerrigan knew that they couldn’t be there for her in the way that she would really need them to be.  This was something that only she could deal with.  This was an internal problem that no one else but herself could fix.

Finally, after hours of intense thinking, Kerrigan decided that she was going to tell Cody how it was for a change.  She was going to tell him that Justin and Trace were her friends and he could either except that or he could hit the road.  She was going to give him an ultimatum.

This would prove to her just how much he “really” cared.  And would also allow herself to give him one last chance.  In the hope that he would choose wisely and they would still be able to be a family.

So Kerrigan sat there for a while longer waiting for Cody.  He was supposed to have been there several hours earlier but had never shown up, and when she tried to call his cell phone it went straight to voice mail.  She wasn’t sure what was going on, but knew that he would be there eventually.  It was her apartment and technically Cody didn’t live there, but other than his name not being on the lease he did in every other aspect.

Finally, around 8:30 in the evening she heard the lock click on the front door and knew he was finally there.  Kerrigan took a deep breath and mentally started preparing herself for the conversation that was about to take place.  Trying to reassure herself that everything would work out in the end.

But her resolve on the situation quickly slipped away when Cody came stumbling into the room drunk off his ass.

This was a side of him she hadn’t seen in a while.  He had a few beers every now and then, but he rarely got himself so intoxicated that he could barely walk and Kerrigan couldn’t help but to wonder what had gone on for him to drink himself into a stupor like he was.

As soon as Cody locked eyes on Kerrigan, all of his anger from earlier that afternoon came flying back from every angle.

Mentally he was telling himself to stay calm and approach this situation in that manner, that it was the only way anything was really going to be accomplished.  But the other part of him was so enraged that he couldn’t control himself, let alone any of his emotions.

The only thing he could think about when he seen her was that Justin had been there earlier that day.  That he had been inside her apartment with her alone.  Technically, he hadn’t been alone since Trace was with him, but that was close enough for Cody’s taste, considering he didn’t want him ANYWHERE near Kerrigan.

Storming across the room without a thought in his head, Cody reached out for Kerrigan and grabbed her by her arm, pulling her up from the chair.

She looked completely shocked by this action and didn’t seem to know what to do.  She had just been sitting there watching him as she always did.  But for some reason tonight that only infuriated Cody more.

Jerking her around quickly, Cody slammed her against the wall.  “What the hell was HE doing here today?” he asked, venomously.

“He?  Who are you talking about?” Kerrigan asked innocently.  Her mind was such a jumble from his rash chaotic behavior, she couldn’t think clearly about anything.

“Justin, that’s who!  What was he doing here?  I thought I told you to stay away from him!” Cody demanded answers, shoving her further against the wall.

“He and Trace just stopped by.” Kerrigan muttered, unable to get anything else out.

“Why haven’t you told them to stay away like I told you to?  Why do you insist on disobeying me?”

“Cody, please stop you’re hurting me.” Kerrigan pleaded.  Pain was shooting through her arms and back from his grip on her and banging her into the wall.

“Stop?  You want me to stop?  I’ll stop when you start listening to me.  Until then this is what you get, honey.  You’re going to learn.  You’re going to learn not to defy me!” he growled.

Kerrigan was literally scared for her life, the look alone in his eyes was murderous.  She wasn’t sure what he’d seen or heard that had set him off this way, but she’d never in all of their fights and altercations seen him this angry.  Never.

“Cody, please let’s talk about this calmly.  There’s no need…”

He cut her off by jerking her forward and again slamming her into the wall.  “We’re not talking about SHIT!  You’re going to do what I fucking tell you and that’s it.  No more of this, "Why can’t I do this?  Why can’t I do that, shit."  You got me?  NO MORE!”  he yelled.

Tears were streaming down Kerrigan’s face.  She didn’t know what to do.  What to say.  The only thing she could focus on was the anger in his eyes and the pain that was coursing through her body.  Her mind was on overload.

“Fucking answer me!” Cody demanded.

“What do you want me to say?” she asked feebly.

“DAMMIT, KERRIGAN!” he yelled, this time pulling her away from the wall and throwing her to the floor.  “I want you to tell me that you’re not going to worry about Justin anymore.  That you’re going to cut ALL ties to him.  I don’t even want you talking to him on the phone.  THAT’S WHAT I WANT!”

Kerrigan curled into a fetal position on the floor.  It was instinct for her to do so, a form of protecting herself.  She couldn’t do anything but lay there and cry, which only angered Cody further.

“SAY IT YOU FUCKING BITCH!  TELL ME THAT YOU’RE GOING TO LISTEN TO ME!” he yelled down at her shaking body.

Kerrigan’s heart was breaking.  Her soul was shattering as the reality of everything hit her like a ton of bricks.  Justin and Trace were right, Cody didn’t love her.  He just wanted to control her.  Love could NEVER be so cruel and it killed her.  Especially, to know that they had created a child together.  A child that before she had assumed had been created out of love, but now she knew the reality of it.  No longer did she doubt Justin’s words.  Suddenly, she believed that Cody had done this on purpose.

Purposely impregnated her as another means of controlling her.  Keeping her away from the people that truly loved and cared about her.  The people that would without a doubt lay down their lives for her.  Things that she was sure Cody would never do.  Why did love have to be so blind?  Why did she have to be so naïve?  Why hadn’t she just listened to Justin?

He hadn’t liked Cody for a reason.  He had always been a great judge of character, yet she had purposefully ignored Justin’s obvious distaste for the guy.  And all because she wanted some attention.  All because she wanted to feel loved and appreciated.  Accepted.  All because she was a stupid fucking girl that didn’t know her ass from a hole in the ground.  When had she become this person and why?

Finding what little bit of courage she held within her, Kerrigan looked up and met Cody’s eyes for the first time since he’d initially slammed her into the wall.  “No.”
 
 

Chapter 39

“What did you just say?” Cody questioned, not sure he heard her correctly.  Surely, she hadn’t just told him no.

Taking a deep breath, Kerrigan again stated “No.” as firmly as she could.

“No?  NO?” Cody demanded, his voice rising.  “YOU’RE TELLING ME NO?  NO WHAT?  NO YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME?  OR NO YOU WON'T STAY AWAY FROM JUSTIN?”

“No, I won't stay away from Justin.” she stated, holding her ground.  Literally considering she was still on the floor.

“God damn it, Kerrigan!” Cody growled as he then kicked her in her side.  “NO?  YOU’RE TELLING ME NO?” he yelled.

“Cody, they’re my friends and I can’t.” she stuttered out, trying to catch her breath from the blows to her side.

“YES YOU CAN AND YOU WILL!”  he yelled.

“NO I WON’T!” she yelled back this time.  “And you can’t make me!”

Cody glared down at her.  He couldn’t believe she was standing up to him.  That she was refusing him.  Reaching down, he yanked her up off the floor and threw her across the room, crashing into the coffee table.

“I can’t make you?” he questioned.  “We’ll see about that!” he said as he made his way over to her and again kicked her in her side.

Kerrigan yelled out in pain as he continued to kick her everywhere from her side to her legs to even her arms.  He’d almost kicked her in her face, but she’d managed to block that blow with her arms.

She grabbed a hold of his foot and yanked quickly, causing him to fall to the floor beside her.  However, he was not deterred.  He was wired on alcohol and pure rage and there didn’t seem to be any stopping him at this point.

Cody quickly sat up and then hovered above her.  “Have you changed your mind yet?” he sneered.

Kerrigan didn’t speak, she was in too much pain, but she firmly shook her head no in response.

“Fine.  Have it your way!” he growled back, reaching out and grabbing her by her throat.

His hands were clasped so tightly around her throat that Kerrigan could hardly breath, as she struggled with her hands to pry his fingers away.  Coughing and spluttering in her struggle.

“YET?” he asked while still choking her.

But Kerrigan couldn’t respond.  She had no air to speak and the only thing she could think to do was to get his hands off of her as she continued to try to pull his hands away from her throat.

“You know you could make this a lot easier on yourself if you’d just listen to me and do what I tell you.” Cody said as he released her throat.  Her face was starting to turn a slight shade of blue, and he knew killing her wouldn’t solve anything.

Kerrigan coughed and struggled to catch her breath.  She couldn’t believe this was happening.  He’d gone completely insane.  Never had any of the altercations before been this bad.  He’d slapped her around a couple of times.  Grabbed her by her arms.  But he had NEVER kicked her while she was down.  And he had NEVER attempted to strangle her.

“You know you’re going to give in sooner or later, Kerrigan.  You don’t have the strength in you to fight me.  We both know that.  And besides I love you and you love me, right?  So if you love me as much as you say you do then why can’t you give me this one thing?  We’re going to be a family.   You want us to be a happy family don’t you?”

Kerrigan stared up at him disbelievingly.  She couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth.  How could he claim to love her, while at the same time nearly killing her?

“You don’t love me.” she said faintly, still trying to catch her breath.

“I don’t love you?  How can you say that?” he questioned, glaring at her.

“If you loved me you wouldn’t make me choose and you wouldn’t be doing this to me.”

“Justin said that didn’t he?” Cody retorted.  “You see this is exactly why I didn’t want you around him.  I knew he would try to put shit in your head.  He doesn’t like me and doesn’t want us together so he’ll tell you whatever it takes to make you leave me!”

“But it’s true.” she muttered.

“What’s true?” Cody asked, lost in his anger and the thoughts running through his head.

“You don’t love me.”

“YES I DO!”

Kerrigan didn’t have it in her to argue with him.  It wouldn’t get her anywhere even if she did.  He had things stuck in his head his way and there was no making him see them otherwise.

“I can’t do this anymore.” she whispered.  “I can’t take this.”

“Take what?  My love?  Take tough love?  You give me no choice Kerrigan, acting the way you do.  Defying me the way you do.”

“But you can’t do this to me.  You have no right to make me choose.  If you loved me you would want me to be happy.  You would not make me choose.”

Cody’s anger grew at her words.  She was telling him he didn’t love her and that he had no right to make her choose.  That everything he’d done for the two of them was a lost cause.  And if he wasn’t mistake this was her way of ending it with him.  But he wasn’t going to let that happen.

Grabbing her by her hair, Cody pulled Kerrigan up from the floor as she cried out in pain.  He drug her down the hallway to her bedroom and threw her down on the bed.  “YOU’RE MY GIRLFRIEND, DAMMIT!  I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT!” he yelled, as he proceeded to rip the tiny tank top she’d been wearing from her body.

“What are you doing?  STOP!” Kerrigan said, struggling against him.

Cody reared back and forcefully hit her across her face.  “I’m gonna show you just how much I can do!” he growled back.

He then proceeded to pull, tug and rip the remainder of her clothes from her body as Kerrigan begged and pleaded for him to stop.  But every time she spoke, it earned her another blow to the face.

She didn’t know what to do.  He was so much stronger than she was and there was no fight left in her.  She was mentally and physically exhausted, there was nothing more she could do to fight him off.

The room was silent.  The whole apartment was silent.  Except for the soft whimpers coming from Kerrigan’s shaking form in her bedroom.  She was curled up in a ball in the middle of her bed, clutching a sheet to her body as she cried.

Cody was gone.  After the torture he had put her through, and then pleasing himself he had vanished into the other room.  Where merely moments later Kerrigan heard the front door to the apartment click shut, ensuring her that he had left.

She laid in her bed, her body numb, yet horrifically in pain at the same time.  She wasn’t sure how that was possible, and before she wouldn’t have thought that it was.  But as she laid there and felt it for herself, it became evident that it was in deed very possible.

Her mind was reeling over what had just taken place.  Cody had completely lost his mind as far as she was concerned.  Never in a million years had she thought he was capable of anything remotely close to something like that.

Not only had he physically abused her body by beating her but he had invaded her soul and taken a very personal thing from her that had previously only been given out of love and adoration.

Crying, Kerrigan tried to figure out what to do.  She was terrified of what would happen next.  Her instincts were telling her to run.  To get the hell out of her apartment before he had the chance to come back and do whatever else he saw fit.

But her body and instincts were two very different things.  She could barely move and there was no way she was making a run for anything.  She’d never made it out of the apartment on her own, she needed help.  She needed Justin.

Looking to the phone that sat on a small table a few feet from her bed, Kerrigan tried to figure out how she was going to get to it to call him.  Her body was so weak and it hurt when she breathed, so she had no clue how she was going to get across the room to the phone.

Laying there for a few moments longer, still trying to figure it out she was startled by a sound.  She thought for a brief moment that Cody was back, but then realized it was only the people above her coming into their apartment.

However, that fright put a heavier fear on her shoulders and Kerrigan knew no matter what, she needed to get to that phone.  No matter how much it hurt her.  Or how long it took her.  She NEEDED to get to that phone.

Focusing all of her attention on the phone.  It was her goal and she had to reach it.  Kerrigan slowly began inching her way to the side of the bed, closest to the phone.  Pain shot throughout her entire body with every movement and breath she took, but she would not allow it to stop her.  She HAD to get to the phone.

When she reached the edge of the bed, Kerrigan stilled for a moment.  She didn’t have the energy to stand, so she knew there was no way she’d be able to walk to the phone.  Not giving it any further thought she braced herself the best she could and flung herself over the side of the bed onto the floor.

She laid there a moment, consumed by the pain.  When it finally subsided to a somewhat bearable level, she again began inching her way towards the table.  Once she reached it she grabbed at the phone cord on the wall and pulled until the phone came tumbling off the table, the headset hitting her square in her face.

Taking a few deep breaths to fight off the pain, she finally readied herself and focused her eyes the best she could on the neon keypad of the phone as she slowly dialed the numbers that were engrained into her mind.

She laid there and listened as the line rang several times in her ear before it was finally picked up.

“Hello?” she heard Justin’s voice filter through the phone.

Kerrigan attempted to speak, but no words would come out.  She was so weak and in so much pain.  She tried to focus on speaking as she heard Justin’s voice again.  “Hello?” he repeated, sounding somewhat annoyed.

“J…” she croaked into the line, it was all she could manage to get out.

Justin didn’t recognize the voice and thought someone was playing some kind stupid prank on him.  He looked down at the caller ID, not sure why he hadn’t checked it before answering and saw that it was Kerrigan’s number.

Immediately he knew something was wrong.  “Kerrigan?  Kerrigan, are you ok?” he called through the line, frantically.  Gaining Trace’s attention, whom was sitting on the other end of the sofa watching the TV.

“Help me.” Kerrigan muttered into the phone line.

“Kerrigan, what’s wrong?  What’s the matter?  Talk to me sweetie.” he tried to coax her, setting straight up in his seat.

Trace sat forward quickly.  “What’s wrong, Justin?”

“Justin, I need you…” Kerrigan answered back as best she could.

“Baby, hang on.  We’re on our way!”
 
 

Chapter 40

When Justin and Trace arrived at Kerrigan’s apartment not even five minutes later, they found that the front door was unlocked and open for anyone to walk in.

They headed towards the living room first, unsure of where Kerrigan would be.  They were not prepared for the scene in front of them.

The coffee table was smashed into several pieces.  The pictures that had been hung neatly on the walls earlier that day when they were there, were now either sideways, or laying in pieces on the floor.  Pictures and nick knacks were knocked over and busted.  The room looked like an all out war had taken place.

“KERRIGAN?” Justin called out, as he looked around the room behind furniture, before heading to the kitchen to look there.

“KERRIGAN?” he repeated when he heard nothing.

Trace was in the hallway when he heard whimpers.  “BACK HERE!” he called out to Justin and immediately headed for Kerrigan’s bedroom.

He rushed through the open door to find Kerrigan laying on the floor entangled in only a sheet  Her body badly beaten.  “Dear God.” he gasped, rushing to her side.  “Kerrigan, what happened?  Kerr….” Trace chocked back tears.  He’d never in all of his life seen anyone beaten as badly as she was.  At least not in person.  And for it to be someone that meant so much to him made it even worse.

Justin came barging through the bedroom door and came to an immediate halt when he saw Trace kneeled down next to Kerrigan.  He couldn’t even form any words.  All he could see was Kerrigan lying on the floor beaten to a bloody pulp.  He was consumed by fear and dread.

Rushing to Kerrigan’s other side, Justin kneeled down beside her, running his hand gently down the side of her face as he spoke to her.  “Kerrigan, what happened?”

She looked up and met Justin’s eyes, but was unable to fully speak.  The only thing she could utter was the name “Cody”.

Justin looked away from her as the anger built inside of him.  He couldn’t believe the guy had done this to her.  The bruises he had seen earlier were infuriating enough, but this was unimaginable.

Looking over her body Justin was quick to move the sheet to cover areas he was sure Kerrigan would not want exposed.  He then looked over to Trace.  “We need to get her to the hospital.  Call an ambulance.”

Trace nodded and got to his feet to make the call from his cell phone, while Justin attempted to get more information out of Kerrigan.  It was pretty evident that Cody had beaten the crap out of her, although Justin didn’t understand why.  But the thing that was really pulling on his mind and making him see red, was the fact that she was laying there in only a sheet.  He didn’t want to let his mind run away with him, but he could only imagine the worst.

“Kerrigan, sweetie I need you to stay with me here.” he told her, noticing that her eyes were starting to drift shut.  He didn’t want her to fall asleep because he wasn’t sure of the extent of her injuries.  “Look at me, Kerrigan.  Look into my eyes.”  he urged.

Kerrigan met Justin’s eyes and for the longest moment they just stared at each other.  Looking into one another’s souls.

Justin was so consumed with emotions he wasn’t sure what to do next.  Rage was building inside of him as he looked down at her, taking in the damage that Cody had inflicted.  He wanted to storm out of there and hunt Cody down like the beast he was and kill the bastard.  But he reminded himself that Kerrigan needed him right now.  She needed him more than she ever had before in her life.  He had never let her down before and he was not going to start now.

When tears started to once again roll down Kerrigan’s face, Justin was quick to brush them away.  “No sweetie, please don’t cry.  I know you’re upset but you’ll only make it worse.  Just try to stay calm.” he told her, turning to look at Trace.  “What the hell’s taking so long?”

Trace gave Justin a exasperated look.  “Can you believe the pricks put me on hold!  ON HOLD!” he said.

“They put you on hold?” Justin asked disbelievingly.  “911?”

Trace shook his head yes, vigorously and just then someone apparently came on the line because Trace immediately launched into a bitch session about them placing him on hold when he was calling in regarding an emergency.

Justin turned his attention back to Kerrigan when he felt her hand pulling on his lightly.  He looked down and once again met her eyes.  “They’re on their way.” he told her, trying to comfort her.

“Justin…” Kerrigan drew out hoarsely.

“Don’t try to talk, Kerr.  Just relax.  The ambulance will be here shortly.  Everything’s going to be ok.”  he said, trying to be reassuring.  Although it was clearly said more for himself than for her.

“Justin, please.” she said, pulling on his hand again to get his attention.

He was having a really hard time looking at her.  When he did he became so consumed by fear, guilt and rage that he could hardly contain himself.  He couldn’t stand seeing her that way, so he was trying to avoid looking at her if possible.  He knew it was the only way he would be able to make it through this without completely losing it.

“Kerrigan, please just don’t talk.  Just relax.” he directed again.

“Justin, he raped me.” she blubbered out amongst her tears.

At those words Trace froze in mid conversation with the 911 operator, staring down at his damaged friend.

While, Justin’s eyes immediately locked on Kerrigan’s again.  All he could see in her eyes were pain and fear.  She was lost in those emotions and he could tell.  At that moment Justin just wanted to pull Kerrigan within him to protect her.  To make everything go away.  “He…he ra…rapped you?” he stuttered out.

Kerrigan began to cry harder.  “I tried to make him stop.  I told him to stop.  I told him no, but I couldn’t fight him, Justin.  I was too weak.  I tried.  But I couldn’t stop him.” she said hysterically.

Justin felt like crying as he looked down at his fragile friend.  She had been completely shattered and he hadn’t been there to protect her.

Laying down on the floor next to her, Justin pulled her body against his, rapping his arms around her tightly.  “I’m sorry.” he whispered.  “God, I’m so sorry, Kerrigan.” he choked out as a tear slid down his cheek.

He would never forgive himself for allowing this to happen to her.  Granted he had not been the one to do the damage himself, but Justin felt as though he might as well have.  He’d know there was something off about Cody.  He’d had all of those gut feelings.  And yet he just stood by and allowed this to happen.  He should have put a stop to it in the beginning.  He should have gotten rid of Cody when he had the chance.  And because he hadn’t, now Kerrigan was scarred for life.

Trace clicked off his phone and starred at his two friends on the floor.  Justin was clearly crying, Trace could tell by the way his body was shaking as he clutched Kerrigan to him.  Trace felt like crying himself.  He couldn’t believe what had happened.  It was like some crazy scene out of a movie.  It didn’t seem real to him.  But as he stood there and watched his two friends cry together he knew it was real.  A little too real for his liking.

Easing over to sit on the floor next to them, Trace reached out a hand and rubbed Kerrigan’s bare back.  It was his form of comforting her.  He didn’t know what else to do.  He wasn’t about to lay down on the floor with her and hug on to her in the shape she was in.

Typically Trace knew Justin wouldn’t have done that either, but he was overcome with emotions and Trace already knew Justin felt partially, if not totally to blame for the situation.  He knew that Justin would blame himself for this because he hadn’t done anything to prevent it.

“The police and paramedics are on their way.” Trace said softly.  He needed to say something.

“Police?” Kerrigan choked out.

“Yeah, they have to come and investigate because it’s Domestic Violence.” Trace said, still rubbing her back.

Kerrigan pulled away from Justin’s embrace.  “I need clothes.” she mumbled.

“Kerrigan, you’re not in any shape to be getting yourself dressed right now.  Just lay here and relax until the paramedics get here.” Trace told her.

“No.  I want my clothes.  I don’t want them to see me like this.” she cried.

Justin looked over at Trace and the two just sat staring at each other for a moment unsure of what to do.  They knew there was no way she’d be able to dress herself in her condition.  And neither of them were prepared to dress her.

“Kerr, I think you should wait like Trace said.” Justin stated.

“No.  You guys please.  Please I don’t want anyone else to see me like this.” she pleaded with them.

“But Kerrigan, you can’t dress yourself right now.” Justin argued, attempting to talk her out of it.

Kerrigan looked up to Justin with her swollen, tear filled eyes.  “Then help me.”

“Kerr…..” Justin shook his head.

“Please.” she begged, tears streaming down her face.

Justin looked up to Trace, who held his hands up in the air and shook his head.  Justin gave him a dirty look.  “If I gotta do this, you’re gonna help me!” he told him and Trace frowned.

Justin looked back down at Kerrigan.  “Where are you sweats?”

“In the dresser.” she answered, laying her head back down on the floor.  She was so exhausted.

Justin looked back up at Trace and nodded.  “Get her some pants and a t-shirt.”

“But Justin…” Trace attempted to argue.

“Just do it, Trace.  She doesn’t want anyone to see her like this, it’s the least we can do.  Now hurry up so we can do this before they get here.”

Sighing to himself, Trace quickly got up and rushed to the other side of the room, rummaging through Kerrigan’s drawers in search of some sweats and a t-shirt.  When he found what he was looking for he took the clothes back over to Justin and tossed them down on the floor.  “How are we gonna do this?” he asked.

“Well, we could pull the clothes on under the sheet.” Justin suggested, looking down at Kerrigan and studying the situation.  He wanted to preserve any modesty she may have left after what had happened to her that evening.

Kerrigan sighed, knowing that Justin and Trace were only delaying the inevitable.  “Just do it.  I don’t care.  I’m in so much pain right now I don’t care.  Just do it.  Please hurry.” she said, hearing the sirens off in the distance.

Justin took a deep breath as he sat up completely.  Grabbing the sweats that Trace had thrown down in front of him, he moved to Kerrigan’s legs and began to slip each pant leg up over her lower legs.  Once he had both legs in the pants he proceeded to pull them up her thighs and then up over hips.  He’d left the sheet in tact, covering her lower region as he did so.

Justin then moved to her upper body, looking over at Trace and giving him a dirty look as he just sat there.  “Are you gonna help me?” he grumbled.

“You seem to have everything under control.” Trace replied.

“You’re gonna have to sit her up so I can get the shirt over her head, Trace.  Now come on.”

Trace grumbled something under his breath and pulled Kerrigan to a sitting position.  He slowed the motion when she winced in pain.  “I’m sorry.” he said, looping his arms around her stomach to sit her up.

Justin quickly pulled the sheet that had fallen from her chest in Trace’s haste, back up.  “Hold that there.” he instructed Trace.

Trace did as he was told as Justin quickly swooped the shirt down over Kerrigan’s head and then snaked her arms through the sleeves, pulling the shirt down over chest.  Once he had it in place, Justin pulled the sheet away from her and tossed it across the room.

“There that wasn’t so bad.” Justin said, trying to be positive about the whole thing.

Trace merely gave Justin a dirty look, then focused his attention back on Kerrigan.  “Do you wanna lay back down?” he asked.

“No.  It doesn’t hurt as bad sitting up like this.  Just don’t let me go, ok?” Kerrigan said through her tears.  She’d been unable to stop crying through the whole thing.  She felt safe now that the guys were there with her, but that didn’t take away from any of the other events that had happened that evening.  And it didn’t subdue the pain that was coursing through her body.

Trace settled himself behind Kerrigan, hugging her back to his chest.  “I’m not going anywhere, Kerr.  Me and Justin are right here and we’re not going anywhere.”

Chapter 41

Everything seemed to be happening so fast around them.  It seemed like only moments before Trace and Justin had been sitting on the floor in Kerrigan’s bedroom with her awaiting the arrival of the Police and Paramedics.  But now they were sitting in a private room at the local hospital awaiting word on Kerrigan’s condition.

They’d been there for a couple of hours.  And once again they found themselves impatiently waiting for someone or anyone to come and tell them what the hell was going on.  It seemed that rushing Kerrigan to the hospital was becoming a habit for them.  A habit that they were going to break real quick.

Justin paced the room as his mind replayed the events of the evening.  From the chilling phone call he received from Kerrigan, to finding her the was she was in her apartment, to the Police and Paramedics showing up.

When they had finally arrived the Police had questioned Kerrigan about the events of the evening as the Paramedics checked over her.  Placing her on a gurney and starting an IV on her.

Justin couldn’t believe the things he’d heard her tell the police.  The things that Cody had done to her.  It was evident from her appearance that he’d literally beat the shit out of her, but to hear it all in Kerrigan’s raspy words had sent him into a further state of rage.

The police even had to detain Justin, as he had attempted to storm out of the apartment in search of Cody.

But he couldn’t help himself.  Hearing the things that Cody had said to her.  And further more hearing about how he had violated her sent him raving mad.  He couldn’t believe that Cody had done this to her.  He claimed to love her, but it was obvious that Cody didn’t know what love was.  Love did not inflict people with pain.  Not like that. Not intentional pain.

Trace watched from his chair as Justin continued to pace the room.  He could only imagine the thoughts that were running through his head.

He knew Justin was angry.  That he was overwhelmed.  Trace felt the same emotions, only he was trying to keep himself in check.  Someone needed to keep a level head in this situation and it was obviously NOT going to be Justin.

He was just aching to get out of the hospital and hunt Cody down.  The look in his eyes was purely murderous.  Not that Trace could blame him.  He felt the same way.

“Would you sit down and quit pacing.” Trace finally snapped, unable to handle it any longer.

Justin scowled at Trace.  “I can’t sit still.  I need to know what’s taking them so damn long.  They’ve been in there for a while, that means it’s probably really bad.”

“You don’t know that.” Trace said, trying to remain optimistic.

“You seen her, Trace.  You know as well as I do that it’s gonna be bad.”

“Yeah I did, but I’m not up pacing the room.  You need to calm down.  You’re driving me insane!”

“Well, I’m SORRY that I’m worried about her!” Justin snapped back.

“Justin, let’s not fight.  We’re both worried about Kerrigan and arguing isn’t going to change anything.” Trace reasoned, sinking further into the plastic chair.

Justin stopped pacing and looked over at Trace.  “You’re right, I’m sorry I snapped at you.  But seriously man, I can’t help it.  I’m really worried about her.  You seen her.  You seen the look in her eyes, you had to have seen it.  You couldn’t miss it.  It was like she was dead inside, Trace.  He really fucked her up.  And I’m not talking just physically.”

“I know.” Trace sighed, looking down at his finger nail as he picked at it.

“I just can’t believe this happened.  I can’t believe he did that to her.  I swear to God, I’m gonna kill him.” Justin said, clenching his fists as he again started pacing angrily.  Trying to restrain himself from lashing out and tearing the room apart.

Again Trace merely muttered an “I know.” in response as he continued to stare at his hands.

“I’m serious, Trace.  When I get my hands on Cody, he’s gonna wish he’d never been born.”

“Justin….” Trace sighed, he was tired of talking about it already.  He didn’t want to think about it anymore than he had to.

Justin immediately jumped on the defensive taking Trace‘s sighing the wrong way.  “You think I’m playin’, but I’m not.  You think I’m exaggerating, but I assure you I’M NOT!” Justin said angrily, his tone rising.  “I LOVE KERRIGAN!  And he hurt her!  He BEYOND hurt her and that son of a bitch is going to pay!”

“You think I don’t know that?  I care about her too, J.  You think I’m not just as upset as you are by what he did to her?” Trace glared at him.  “She’s my friend too, damn it!”

“I didn’t meant…”

Justin attemtped, but Trace cut him off.  “I know you didn’t mean it like that, but damn it Justin, you need to calm down for a moment and think rationally here.  Kerrigan, needs us.  She needs us here for her. Not just physically here, but mentally.  She’s been through hell tonight and she’s gonna be really messed up.  The last thing she needs, is to worry about one of us running off and murdering the bastard.”

Justin’s head slumped in defeat, Trace was right.  Kerrigan needed them there for her.  She didn’t need to have anything else to worry about at the moment.  Justin was sure he would get his moment with Cody and when he did, it would be well worth the wait.  But for the time being he needed to control his temper and focus on what was important.  Kerrigan.

Just then they heard someone clear their throat.  Both men looked to the doorway to see a nurse standing there.  “I’m sorry to interrupt, but Dr. Jenkins sent me to get you two.” she spoke softly.

Both Justin and Trace nodded and made their way over to the door.

“Are you taking us to see, Kerrigan?” Trace asked.

The nurse smiled at the two young men.  Their concern was every bit visible on their tired faces.  “Yes.  The Doctor requested that you be brought back to the room.  He’s speaking with her now about her condition and he feels as though she’ll need her friends there with her when he‘s finished.” she stated as she lead them down the hallway.

Justin and Trace looked at each other as they followed behind the nurse.  That couldn’t be good.

Justin was just about to speak up and ask the nurse what was going on when he heard a female voice cry out from down the hallway.

Immediately Justin recognized the voice as Kerrigan’s and he and Trace both pushed past the nurse and rushed down the hallway towards the sound of her voice.

When they finally reached the doorway to her from they found Kerrigan sobbing hysterically into her hands, as the Doctor stood off to the side of her bed and rubbed her back soothingly.  Trying to calm her, as he stated how sorry he was.

Justin and Trace both rushed into the room, right to her side.  “What’s wrong?  What happened?” Trace questioned.

“Kerrigan?” Justin asked, grabbing her hands to pull them away from her face.  “Sweetie, what’s wrong?”

Kerrigan looked over to Justin and Trace, devastation seeping from her eyes.  She attempted to speak through her tears, but could form no words.

Trace looked up to meet the Doctor’s sympathetic eyes.  “What the hell happened?  What’s wrong?” he demanded, desperately.

“I’m very sorry.” Dr. Jenkins paused.  “I just had to inform your friend that she lost the baby.”

“Oh, God.” Justin muttered at his words.  “Kerrigan?” he said leaning over the bed rail to pull her into a hug.  “I’m SO sorry sweetie!  God, I’m so sorry.”

Trace stood there in shock.  She’d lost the baby?  He couldn’t believe it.  Well, it was understandable considering the way she’s been beaten so badly, but that was not the fore thought in his mind.

He suddenly found himself feeling guilty, because since she had found out that she was pregnant he’d been against it.  He’s made comments here and there about how unhappy he was about it.  And he hadn’t been as supportive as he could have been, but now he felt horrible.  He couldn’t even imagine what Kerrigan was feeling at the moment.

She had warmed up to the idea of being a Mother and had been looking forward to it.  And now, in one night, that had all been yanked away from her.  On top of everything else that had happened to her.  It was just unbelievable.

Trying to stay focused on Kerrigan’s condition and to keep himself from breaking down, Trace looked to Dr. Jenkins.  “Is there anything else we should know?”

Dr. Jenkins sighed.  “Well, it’s obvious she’s been beaten up really badly, but as far as injuries are concerned she has a couple bruised ribs, which I’m shocked weren’t broken.  And a slight concussion from her head being repeatedly slammed into the wall and ground.   But amazingly enough, aside from those injuries and the loss of the child everything else appears to be just bruising.”

“Yeah, like that’s not enough.” Justin muttered, angrily.  He couldn’t believe the Doctor was making little of the injuries she did have.  The ones she had were bad enough.  She didn’t need anymore.

Dr. Jenkins looked at Justin.  “It could have been worse.” he stated calmly.

“How much worse could it possibly get?” Justin asked defensively.  “LOOK AT HER!”

Dr. Jenkins nodded his acknowledgement and understanding and then spoke again.  “He could have killed her.”

The room grew silent at his words, all but for Kerrigan’s soft sobs.

Justin didn’t want to think about that so he turned his attention back to Kerrigan, attempting to comfort her the best he could by whispering encouraging words to her.  Trying to reassure her that things were going to be ok.

Trace looked back over at the Doctor.  “When will she be released?” he asked.

“Well, we’ll be keeping her at least tonight for observation.  Just to make sure there aren’t any complications from the head injuries, but we also need to perform a DNC as well.”

Justin looked over at him.  “DNC?  What’s that?” he asked.

“It’s a medical procedure performed on the Uterus to essentially clean it out.”

“Clean it out?” Trace questioned, completely lost.

Dr. Jenkins locked eyes with both Justin and Trace and kept his voice low, hoping that Kerrigan wouldn’t hear him over her sobs and become more upset.  “The baby.” he stated.

“The baby?” Justin questioned, not understanding.

Dr. Jenkins sighed.  “Kerrigan wasn’t that far along in her pregnancy, but she was far enough along to where her body cannot naturally flush itself out.  Therefore, we need to do it for her.” he stated.

Realization dawned on both Justin and Trace.  “Oh, man.” Justin sighed, turning his attention back to Kerrigan.  She wasn’t going to take that news any better.

“You have to do that?” Trace questioned.  He didn’t want Kerrigan to have to go through anymore than she’d already had to.

“Yes, it’s necessary.  If the DNC isn’t performed she could develop an infection and several complications.”

Trace nodded.  If it had to be done, then it had to be done there was no getting around it.  Besides the last thing they needed was for Kerrigan to develop some kind of infection.  This whole thing was going to be hard enough to deal with as it was, let alone adding anymore complications to the mix.

He wasn’t sure how they were going to get through this, but he knew that they would find a way.  Trace could personally vouch for the fact that he would do whatever he needed to do, to be there for Kerrigan.  He didn’t care what it was.  And he was pretty positive that Justin felt the same way.
 
 
 

Chapter 42

( Following afternoon )

“Your Mom and Dad are gonna meet us at the house.  They got in early this morning.” Justin said as he and Trace assisted Kerrigan out of the hospital.  Following behind Mike and Frank as they lead the way through the slew of people that had gathered outside the hospital.

The press had somehow found out that Justin Timberlake was holding vigil at the local hospital, which lead to mobs of fans and reporters hanging around.  Hoping to catch just a glimpse of the super star.  And possibly a story on why he was there.

“Ok.” Kerrigan replied softly.

She’d hardly spoken at all since receiving the news the day before. Both Trace and Justin were extremely worried about her, neither were sure what to do or say to help her feel better.  The Doctor had told them to just give her time and space, that she would have to deal with it on her own.  To just be as supportive as possible and to be there if she sought them out for help.  And that was what they intended to do.

As the trio pushed through the crowd of people, Justin could hear the reporters yelling out questions like “Who’s the girl?”  “What happened?”  “Is this your new girlfriend, Justin.”  He also heard the fans yelling their normal confessions of love and adoration, but then he also heard some of the other fans that had apparently recognized Kerrigan yelling out questions of concern.  “Kerrigan, what happened?”  “Kerrigan, are you ok?”  “Justin, what happened to Kerrigan?”

It broke Justin’s heart because he knew if he could hear the screams that Kerrigan could as well, and it probably only upset her more.  Although, you couldn’t tell from looking at her.  She still had this vacant look in her eyes.  She stared ahead of them at Mike’s back and walked on with Justin and Trace at her side.  Seemingly oblivious to the chaos that was going on around her. But Justin knew she could hear them, even if she didn’t acknowledge it, he still knew.

Once they reached Justin’s BMW that was parked at the pickup curb, Trace quickly climbed into the backseat and then turned to help Kerrigan in.  Justin stood behind her trying to block her from all of the flashings from the cameras.  Once she was in, he climbed into the backseat as well.  Mike closed the back door and he and Frank climbed into the front seat and quickly drove off.

The car was silent.  No one said anything about the fuss at the hospital.  No one said anything about anything.  They didn’t know what to say, so they just said nothing at all.

They drove in silence for a few more minutes before Mike spoke up from the driver’s seat.  “J, you’re almost out of gas.  Do you want to stop so we can fill the tank up?”

Justin looked over at Kerrigan.  “Do you mind stopping?”

She gave him her best smile, trying to be strong and not let the guys know how much she was dying inside.  “It’s fine Justin.  Stop, I don’t care.”

Justin nodded and then told Mike to go ahead and stop wherever.

A couple minutes later Mike pulled into a gas station.  Kerrigan looked around, the place was pretty deserted, so she turned to Justin.  “Do you think you could run in and get me some ice cream?  Some cookie dough?” she asked.

Justin smiled, at least she was craving her normal stuff.  Granted she only pigged out on it when she was depressed, but at least it was something.  “Sure.” he said, as he climbed out of the car.

Mike who was standing on the other side of the car looked over at Justin.  “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Kerrigan, wants some ice cream, so I’m gonna run in and get her some.” Justin replied as he started to head towards the building.

Just then a couple of teenage girls came walking around the side of the building and went inside.  “I think I should go in.” Mike stated, seeing the girls.  “You pump the gas and stay by the car, that way if anyone sees you Frank is near by.  She want her normal, cookie dough?” he asked.

Justin groaned, he wanted to go in and get the ice cream for Kerrigan, but he knew it would do no good to argue with Mike.  “Fine.  Whatever.” he said, throwing his hands up in the air, walking around to where Mike was standing.  “Yeah, she wants cookie dough.”

Mike gave Justin a grin, happy that the boy wasn’t going to argue with him and then headed off towards the store.

Justin stood there for a moment and then proceeded to remove the nozzle and pump the gas.  He was thoroughly annoyed.  He missed doing simple things like running into the store and getting something for his friend.  It was moments like this that he really hated being who he was, but there was always other times that more than made up for it.

Justin drifted off in thought as he stood there pumping the gas.  He was thinking about everything that had happened over the last few days, from getting the call from Chris, to the argument he and Trace had had with Kerrigan, to finding her the way they did in her apartment.

He wasn’t sure how they were going to get through this, but he knew they’d find a way.  He was more concerned about Kerrigan and her well being than anything else.  His album would have to wait, she came first.  She needed time to heal and grieve.  And he was going to be there for her every step of the way.

Justin was pulled from his thoughts however when the noise of a loud stereo caught his attention.  He looked over to the front of the gas station to see a red truck had pulled up, it was the source of the loud music.  But the music blaring from the open windows on the truck were not the reason behind the scowl now present on Justin’s face.

It was Cody’s truck.  And if it was Cody’s truck, then that meant Cody was in it.

The police were looking for him and apparently Cody had no idea or he most likely wouldn’t be out in public the way he was.  Or perhaps he was just that stupid.  Whatever the case, there he was, climbing out of the cab of his truck, not a worry in the world.

Immediately Justin’s anger consumed him, but he didn’t want to draw attention to himself.  He instinctively wanted to protect Kerrigan and if they could go unnoticed that would be the best thing for the moment.  Justin knew he would get his shot at Cody eventually.  And when he did he would definitely make up for lost time.

Unfortunately for Justin, Cody happened to look around the parking lot and seen Justin standing there.  He stood there watching Justin for a moment.  He’d heard on the news and read in the paper that he’d been at the hospital all night long.  No one seemed to know why he was at the hospital, just that he was there.  But Cody knew.

His eyes scanned the black BMW that Justin was standing next too.  He could see figures in the car, but couldn’t tell who was in it.  But it didn’t really take a rocket scientist to figure it out.  He already knew who was in the vehicle and he wanted to talk to her.

Walking towards the car Cody noticed Justin glaring at him, but he thought very little of it.  He didn’t think Justin was stupid enough to try something in public.  He was a celebrity and the last thing he needed was his face plastered all over the covers of every paper in the country for getting into a brawl in the parking lot of a gas station.

With that thought in mind, Cody trudged forward.  He was set on talking to Kerrigan and taking her back home with him.  He didn’t care what Justin or anyone had to say about the matter.  Kerrigan was his and she was going to be leaving with him.

As he drew closer he locked eyes with Justin.  Cody could see the hatred and anger that lingered there, but it didn’t faze him in the least.  If anything it only pushed him forward.  He smiled at Justin wickedly before calling out to him.  “Yo Justin, is Kerrigan in the car?”

Justin glared at him harder, he couldn’t believe the balls Cody had.  Was he really stupid enough to approach him after what he had done?  Who did he think he was?  And was he insane actually ASKING if Kerrigan was in the car?  If he thought he was getting anywhere near Kerrigan he had another thought coming.

“I think you need to turn around and head back over to your truck.” Justin growled angrily.

Cody merely laughed at him.  “Why’s that?  I wanna talk to my girlfriend.”

The gas pump was forgotten as Justin moved away from the car and started walking towards Cody.  “She’s not your girlfriend you mother fucker and I suggest you get the hell out of here.”

“I appreciate the suggestion, but like I said I wanna talk to my girlfriend.” Cody retorted.

Justin met Cody head on, stopping in front of him.  Crossing is arms over his chest, daring Cody to move any closer to the car.  “I said she’s NOT your girlfriend.  You’re not going anywhere near her, let alone talking to her.  Now get the fuck away.”

Cody moved to go around Justin, but was quickly halted when Justin grabbed him by his arm.  “I’m not joking, Cody.  If it weren’t for the fact that she was in the car right now I’d already be beating the shit out of your ass.  But she’s been through enough already.  So I suggest you turn around and go the other direction.  And do it now before I change my mind.”

“So she is in the car?” Cody replied, ignoring Justin’s threats.

“Dude, I’m not playing around.”

“I’m not scared of you, Justin.  Threaten me all you want.  I know you’re not about to attack me in the middle of this lot.  You’re smarter than that.” Cody scoffed.

“You’d be surprised how quickly I can lose sight of things like that when it comes to the people I care about.  And I care about Kerrigan and you’re not getting anywhere near her.  I don’t care what I have to do to stop you.”

Cody jerked his arm away from Justin.  “I’m going to talk to her Justin, weather you like it or not.  She’s my girlfriend and she loves me.”

“You’re right maybe she does love you, but she’s not your girlfriend anymore.  I’ll never let you around her again.  EVER!  Now I’m gonna say this again, get the hell away.”

Cody rolled his eyes at Justin and proceeded to push past him, but Justin quickly jerked Cody back around forcefully.  “I’m not playing man.  Stay away.  I’ll fucking kill you if you go near her again.  Do you hear me?  What you did to her will seem like child’s play by the time I’m done with your ass.”

“I didn’t do shit to her.” Cody scoffed.  “Nothing that she didn’t ask for at least.”

Justin was consumed by rage and aggressively shoved Cody backwards.  “DIDN’T DO ANYTHING TO HER?” he yelled.  “You beat the shit out of her!  YOU FUCKING RAPED HER!”

Seeing Justin shove Cody, Frank quickly got out of the car from where he, Trace and Kerrigan had been watching the events unfold.  They had noticed Cody the moment Justin walked away from the car towards him.

Trace was sitting with his arms protectively wrapped around Kerrigan in the backseat, as she stared out the front window at the two men arguing.

Rushing over to where Justin and Cody were standing Frank, quickly pulled Justin away.  “Not here, J.” he told him.

“Yeah, listen to your bodyguard man.” Cody said, as he attempted to go around Justin and Frank, but was once again halted.  Only this time it was by Mike.

“I don’t think so man.  You’re not getting anywhere near that car and if you try to I’ll break your scrawny neck.” Mike said menacingly.

“You people cannot keep me away from her.  She’s mine!  Do you hear me?  Mine!  And I will see her and I will talk to her and we WILL be together!” Cody yelled.

“Not as long as I’m around.” Justin stated, standing his ground.

“Did you call the cops?” Frank asked, looking over at Mike.

“Yup.  I asked the attendant to.  They’re on their way.” he answered.

“The cops?  Please!  I haven’t done anything, you can’t just call the cops on me for trying to go talk to my girlfriend.” Cody scoffed.

“In case you’re unaware Cody, the police have been looking for you since last night.” Justin sneered, still not moving from his spot even though Mike and Frank were there.

“Looking for me?  Why?  I didn’t do shit!” Cody threw his arms up in the air.  “What, did you make up a bunch of shit?”

Justin glared at him, he couldn’t believe Cody was denying what he’d done.  It only proved to anger him further that the guy was acting as if the hell he’d put Kerrigan through was nothing.  “Beating her senseless is nothing?  Raping her is nothing?  KILLING YOUR OWN CHILD IS NOTHING?”  Justin yelled, moving forward towards Cody a bit.

“Justin…” Mike stated in warning, as he reached out his arm to halt his steps.

“What do you mean kill my own child?  What the hell are you talking about?” Cody questioned.  He knew he had beaten Kerrigan pretty badly, at least from what he could remember.  But he had no idea what Justin was talking about, killing his own child?

“Did you think you could beat the shit out of her like that when she’s pregnant and NOT hurt the baby?  Are you really that fucking stupid?  I mean it’s pretty obvious you’re a fucking moron but come on man, even I gave you more credit than that!” Justin retorted angrily.

Cody stood there in shock for a minute.  He knew Justin wouldn’t lie about something like that.  He wouldn’t tell him that Kerrigan had lost their child if she really hadn’t.  Justin cared too much about Kerrigan to ever be so cruel as to say something like that, but Cody didn’t understand.

He knew that he’d been really rough with her the night before.  He’d gotten way out of hand.  But he couldn’t even fathom the idea that he had hurt her so badly that he’d actually caused her to lose their child.

“I need to talk to her.” Cody said desperately, trying to push past the three men.

“You’re not going anywhere near her.  You’ve done enough!” Justin said, pushing Cody backwards.

“Damn it, I need to talk to her!” Cody continued to try to push past them.

“I SAID YOU’RE NOT GOING NEAR HER!” Justin yelled, as he once again shoved Cody backwards.

Cody attempted to swing on Justin, but was quickly restrained by Mike and Frank.  “Let me go!” he growled at them.  “I need to talk to her!”

“Talk to the police when they get here.” Mike told him.

Cody looked from each man to the next, seeing he wasn’t going to get free from the two large men he looked towards the car where he was sure Kerrigan was watching.  “KERRIGAN!  KERRIGAN, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!  I’M SORRY.  I LOVE YOU.  PLEASE COME OUT HERE AND TALK TO ME!” he yelled across the parking lot.

Justin lunged forward and shoved Cody.  “Shut the fuck up!  Don’t tell her you love her.  If you loved her you wouldn’t have hurt her the way you did!”

Ignoring Justin’s words, Cody continued to yell across the lot as he struggled to get free from the men.  “KERRIGAN!  PLEASE, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!”

Trace’s grasp on Kerrigan tightened as he felt her tremble in his arms, as silent sobs overtook her body.  “Ignore him, Kerr.  Just block out his voice.” he told her.

But Kerrigan said nothing in response, all she could do was cry.

Cry for all the pain she had been put through by a man that was standing in a parking lot, proclaiming his love for her.  A love that didn’t exist.  A love that had tore her apart and killed an even greater part of her.  A love that she never should have let herself feel.
 
 
 
 

Chapter 43
 

Making their way into the house, Justin walked with his arm protectively around Kerrigan as he guided her through the house.  They hadn’t gotten to far when they heard the loud clamoring of feet rushing in another room and then suddenly Kerrigan’s Mother and Father appeared.

Mrs. Wallace rushed over to her daughter’s side and immediately began looking her over.  When Kerrigan broke down and began sobbing, Mrs. Wallace began whispering words of comfort for only her daughter’s ears.

She then turned to Justin.  “Can I take her to your room since all of her stuff is gone?  She needs her rest and should be in bed.”

“Yeah, of course.” Justin nodded and then watched as Mrs. Wallace lead Kerrigan out of the room and up the stairs.

Once the girls were gone Justin turned to Mr. Wallace who still stood in the same spot.  The guys had told him how badly Kerrigan looked but it hadn’t really sunken in until he saw it with his own eyes.  He couldn’t believe that someone had done that to his baby girl.  That a man had violated her and beaten her the way he had.  Or that that man had been Cody.

He had thought a lot of Cody when he met him.  He seemed like such a nice young man and really appeared to genuinely care for his daughter.  But to see her in her current condition made Mr. Wallace want to run out and hunt the boy down like a wild animal.  No punishment was too strong as far as he was concerned.

“She looks horrible.” he uttered, glancing over to Justin and Trace.

“I know.” Justin replied, looking down a the floor.

“I can’t believe he did that to her.” Mr. Wallace added, his mind running away with him.

“Me either.  But trust me he’ll get his.” Justin promised.  And it was a promise he did intend to keep.

Mr. Wallace nodded his head, looking around the room for a brief moment before focusing back on the two young men standing before him.  “So what took you so long to get here?  When you called from the hospital you said you’d be here in like a half hour.”

“We had a few problems.” Justin said, then walked over to the sofa and sat down.  He didn’t really want to talk about it because he knew he’d get himself all upset again and right now he just wanted to focus on Kerrigan and not the anger he held inside.

“What kind of problems?” Mr. Wallace question when Justin didn’t elaborate.  He looked from Justin to Trace then back to Justin again, but Justin still said nothing.

Trace stepped forward.  “Maybe we should sit down and I’ll explain.  Justin’s, a lil’ shook up right now so he probably doesn’t want to talk about it.”

Mr. Wallace nodded and followed Trace over to the sofa.  Trace sat down at the other end of the sofa from Justin, while Mr. Wallace took a seat in the recliner.

“We had to stop and get gas on the way home from the hospital.  Kerrigan, asked J to go get her some ice cream and then Cody showed up and all hell broke loose.” Trace stated.  He couldn’t think of a better way to explain what had happened, so he just laid it out there the way it was.

“What do you mean Cody showed up?”

“He just showed up.  I don’t think he knew were going to be there, or that he was following us or anything like that he just happened to show up at the same place as us, unfortunately.” Trace shrugged.  “And well when he noticed J he must have realized Kerrigan was in the car and he was determined he was going to come over and talk to her.”

“He WHAT?” Mr. Wallace, questioned growing angry.  “He had the nerve to try to talk to her?”

“He tried.” Trace said.  “Justin, wouldn’t let him near the car.  Things got out of hand but Mike and Frank helped keep him restrained.  The people at the gas station called the cops and they showed up a few minutes later and arrested Cody.”

“Well, at least the bastard is behind bars.” Mr. Wallace surmised.

“Yeah.” Trace agreed, unsure of what else to say.

Mr. Wallace sat quietly for a moment and then spoke up again.  “How did Kerrigan react to seeing him?”

Trace looked down at his feet and sighed.  “She was upset.  Cody was trying to get to her and when he couldn’t he started yelling for her.  Telling her he loved her and he was sorry and he needed to talk to her.  She just got real upset but she didn’t say anything.  I was in the car with her the whole time.”

Mr. Wallace ran his hands over his face forcefully in frustration.  He was as lost as the boys were on what to do for his daughter and that was not how it should be in his eyes.  Kerrigan was his daughter and it was his job to protect her and look out for her.  It was his job as her Father to know how to make things better for her.  But he didn’t know, he had no clue whatsoever.

“Well, I’m just glad you two were there.  Thanks for looking out for her.” Mr. Wallace finally said.

“I’m not going to let him hurt her again, Mr. Wallace.” Justin spoke up.  “I’ll kill the bastard before he ever gets anywhere near her again.  I swear it.”

Mr. Wallace nodded.  He knew Justin meant every word, he could see the determination to keep Kerrigan safe in his eyes.  “I know you would, Justin.  I’m glad that Kerrigan has friends like you and Trace to look out for her.”

“We haven’t done a very good job so far though.” Trace muttered.

“Yeah, I mean look at her.  Maybe we’re not very good friends after all.” Justin agreed.

Both he and Trace had been blaming their selves for everything.  If only they had been more perceptive.  If only they would have followed their instincts.  There were so many “If Only’s” that they couldn’t keep count of them all.

“Now, I’m not gonna have any of that.” Mr. Wallace scolded them.  “I understand you two are upset.  I’m upset.  But you couldn’t have prevented this.  Kerrigan, is a stubborn girl and you both know that better than anyone.  If she didn’t come to you for help before and didn’t tell you about it you had no way of knowing.  So don’t blame yourselves for this.  It won’t change anything and it’ll just make you feel worse.  Right now we all need to concentrate on Kerrigan and helping her get through this.  The only person that should bear blame here is Cody.  He never should have put his hands on her like that.  He’s the one at fault.”

“I know but if…”

“Justin, stop it.  I told you, you’re not at fault.  Don’t beat yourself up.  You two were there when she needed you the most.  She called you and you rushed to her side.  If you hadn’t God only knows what would have happened.  Just be thankful that you were able to help then.  Don’t tear yourself down.  It won’t change a thing.”

“I know you’re right.” Justin agreed.  “But I can’t help but feeling like I could have done more.  I knew something wasn’t right with him.  I had a bad feeling about the jerk the whole time, but I just stood by and let it happen.”

“You couldn’t have know this was going to happen, Justin.  There’s no possible way you could have known.  So just leave those thoughts in the past.  Concentrate on the here and now and be the friend I know you are to my daughter.  Don’t worry about Cody.  Let the law deal with him.” Mr. Wallace stated.

“Well, the law better deal with him.” Trace muttered.  “Or else he’s gonna have a whole friggin’ pop group chasing his ass down.  Among other people.”

Mr. Wallace actually smiled at that statement.  It warmed his heart to know that the guys cared that much for his daughter.  It was statements like that, that reassured him as to why he trusted Kerrigan with the guys the way he did.  He knew they would never let anything happen to her if they could prevent it.  They were as protective of her as he was, if not more.

“Well, trust me I’ll be right along there with you if that happens to be the case.”

Trace smiled at Mr. Wallace.  “I know you would.”

“Are you going to be ok up here by yourself?” Mrs. Wallace asked as she finished tucking the sheets in around Kerrigan’s body.

She had escorted Kerrigan upstairs to Justin’s room and helped her change into a pair of boxer shorts and a t-shirt, after Kerrigan telling her she’d be more comfortable that way.

It was then that Mrs. Wallace got a good look at the damage Cody had done to her Daughter’s body.  She was black and blue everywhere and it broke her heart to see her Daughter like that.  But she said nothing about the bruises.  She didn’t want to upset Kerrigan anymore than she already was.

“I’ll be fine, Mom.  I just wanna sleep.” Kerrigan assured her.

“Ok, sweetie.  But if you need anything you just give out a holler.  There’s enough of us here I’m sure we’ll be able to get you whatever you want.”

Kerrigan gave her Mother the best smile she could muster and then sank deeper into the bed, looking for some kind of comfort.

Her body ached all over, but that pain was nothing compared to the pain she felt within her heart.  It literally felt as if someone had just ripped her heart out of her chest.  It felt so vacant.  It was simply indescribable in words.

“Ok, well I’m gonna go back downstairs.  Just holler if you need anything.” Mrs. Wallace said as she leaned in and kissed Kerrigan on her temple.

“I will.” Kerrigan replied softly.

Walking to the door, Mrs. Wallace stopped in the doorway and turned to get one last look at her Daughter.

Kerrigan was just laying in the bed, staring off into space.  Void of any real emotion on her face.  Mrs. Wallace was really concerned.  She’d never seen her Daughter like that in all her years.  She wasn’t sure what to say or do and that was the worst feeling in the world for her.

She just wanted to take Kerrigan inside herself and relieve her of all the pain and the memories that she was sure would forever haunt her.  But since that was impossible for her to do, she would do the only thing she could.

She would be there for her Daughter in whatever way she could.  She would listen if Kerrigan needed  her to listen.  She would cry with her if Kerrigan needed her to cry.  And she would keep praying that somehow Kerrigan would pull through this whole ordeal and be a stronger person because of it.

Taking one last look at her Daughter, Mrs. Wallace sighed and then closed the door behind her.
 
 

Chapter 44

( 1 week later )

Kerrigan’s parents had stayed as long as they could before they had finally left to go back to Tennessee.  They both had jobs to get back to and knowing that Kerrigan was in the care of Justin and Trace set their minds at ease enough for them to go.

Kerrigan had made a little progress.  For the first few days she barely left the confines of Justin’s bedroom, but the last couple of days she had been up and roaming around the house.  She still didn’t talk about the incident and no one brought it up.

Justin and Trace had taken it upon their selves to move Kerrigan back into the house.  They had gone to her apartment, talked to the complex and moved all of her belongings.  There was no way they were going to let her stay at the apartment alone.  And even though Kerrigan didn’t say as much, they assumed she didn’t really want to go back there anyway.

That afternoon Justin had a meeting with Johnny so he’d been gone most of the day.  When he got home Trace was sitting in the living room watching TV.

Justin walked into the room and looked around not seeing Kerrigan anywhere.  “Hey, Trace where’s Kerr at?”

“Up in her room.  She said she wanted to sort through some things and try to put some stuff away.  I offered to help but she said she could handle it.”

“Oh, ok.” Justin said, looking around some more, then deciding he was gonna go up and check on her.  “I’m just gonna go up and make sure everything’s ok.” he said as he made his way out of the room.

Trace nodded and smiled to himself.  Justin had been so overly concerned about Kerrigan lately that at times he found it amusing.  Not that he wasn’t concerned as well, because he was.  But Justin tended to take it to extremes.

Justin was constantly hovering around her, asking if she was ok, asking if she needed anything.  Trace was worried that Justin was smothering her with attention, but you couldn’t tell Justin that without him getting extremely defensive.  He just wanted Kerrigan to open up and talk to him.  He just wanted her to be ok and that Trace could understand because he wanted the same thing.  He just had a different way of approaching the matter.

Justin made his way up the stairs and down the hall to Kerrigan’s room.  He knocked softly on the door and then pushed it open slowly to find Kerrigan sitting on her knees in the middle of the room staring down into a box.

“Kerrigan?” he said hoping to get her attention, but she didn’t respond.  “Hey, Kerr what ya doing?” he asked again, moving into the room, closing the door behind him.

Finally, Kerrigan looked up and met Justin’s eyes. He stalled in place for a moment when he saw the tears streaming down her face, but then quickly rushed to her side.  “What’s wrong?” he asked, as he got to his knees beside her on the floor.

“I just came across these.” she said softly, motioning towards the box she had been looking at.

Justin looked down in the box and seen the baby outfits they had picked out together in Virginia the month before and immediately his heart went out to her.  “Kerr, maybe you shouldn’t be looking at those right now.” he suggested.

“It’s not like I meant to.  I was just going through boxes and came across them.”

“Well, let’s put them away.” he said, moving to close the box up, but Kerrigan reached out and grabbed his hands.

“No.” she said, letting go of his hands and then pulling one of the small outfits out of the box.

“Kerrigan, don’t do this to yourself sweetie.”

“Maybe I should just throw them away?” she suggested, looking over at Justin.  “I mean I don’t need them anymore, right?”

Justin wasn’t sure how to answer that question.  He didn’t want to say anything that was going to upset her more, but he figured that either way he went with it she was still going to get upset.  “I don’t know.  I mean you don’t need them now no, but maybe later on down the road.” he shrugged.

“Nah, I don’t think so.” Kerrigan said, stuffing the outfit back in the box.

“What do you mean you don’t think so?  You don’t want to have anymore kids?” Justin questioned, immediately regretting it by the solemn look that appeared on Kerrigan’s face.

“I don’t have any kids now, Justin.”

“I’m sorry, Kerr.  I didn’t mean it like that.” he sighed.  “I just meant like, well you know you don’t want to have kids later?”

“Probably not.” Kerrigan shrugged, shifting from sitting on her feet to fully on her rear.

Justin followed her motions and sat down beside her.  “Well, why not?” he persisted.  He didn’t want to upset her but this was the most she had talked about the subject since it had all happened and he knew she needed to talk about it.  To get it out and if he had to coax her a little bit he would.

“I’m never going to let myself get in that position again.” she said looking down at her hands.

Justin frowned.  He wasn’t sure what position she was referring to.  That of being pregnant or something else.  “What do you mean?”

“Everything.” she shrugged.  “The whole thing.  Being with someone like that.  Thinking they love me.  Listening to my heart.”

Justin sighed.  “Kerrigan, not all guys are like that.  We’re not all like him.  You can’t avoid relationships for the rest of your life because you’re scared of getting hurt.”

“He didn’t just hurt me, Justin. He….” Kerrigan started to explain but quickly stopped.

Justin waited on her to finish her statement but when she made no further attempts, he finished for her.  “He broke you.”

Kerrigan looked over and met Justin’s eyes.  “Yeah, he did.” she said, as tears began to dribble down her cheeks again.

Justin bowed his head, he didn’t want to make her cry, but he knew that she needed to get this out.  And he also needed to hear it.  He needed to know how she was feeling inside.  He needed to know her pain, because he wanted to share in her pain.  He wanted to help her get past it, take it away.

“Look, Kerrigan.  I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but things will get better.  Time heals all wounds.  I’m not saying they’ll go away completely or that you’ll forget about them, because I know you’ll never be able to forget about this.  But eventually it’ll become bearable and you’ll be able to date again.  You’ll be able to move on with your life.  You can’t let that bastard hold you back from living.  If you do then he gets away with what he was trying to do all along, which was to control you.”

“It doesn’t feel like it’ll ever be bearable, J.  And I don’t know how I’m ever supposed to trust another guy again.  How am I supposed to trust their motives?  Trust their words?”

“Surely, you don’t think all guys are like that, do you?” Justin questioned.

“I don’t know anymore.” she said hanging her head.

“You trust me don’t you?  And Trace?  And the other guys?  You know we would never hurt you or manipulate you that way, right?” he asked, hoping she wouldn’t answer negatively.  He didn’t know if he could live with that fact that Kerrigan didn’t trust him, especially since he’d never done anything to give her a reason not to trust him.

“Of course I know that.” she said, looking up to meet his eyes.  “I know you guys would NEVER hurt me like that.  You don’t have it in you.”

“Well, then don’t you think that should leave at least a little hope in your heart that not all guys are that way.  I mean if the six of us aren’t like that, we surely can’t be the only six males in the world that aren’t total pigs.” he smiled at her, hoping to bring a smile to her face.

And it did.  It was a small smile, but a smile none the less.  “See, it’ll all work out in the end.  Right now you’re hurting and you’re scared.  Trust me I understand that, Kerr.  I’m scared and worried for you because I don’t like seeing you like this.  But all I can do is be here for you, if you’ll let me.  I can’t just make it all better, although I wish I could.  But I can be here for you.  And you can be sure that I’ll never let anyone like that near you again.  There will be STRICT interrogations on any future prospects.  Not only by me but by Trace too.”

Kerrigan rolled her eyes at him.  “Justin…”

“No, I’m serious.  You think we were bad before, you ain’t seen nothing yet.” he smiled.

“My life just keeps getting better and better.” she stated sarcastically.

“Hey now!  You can’t blame us.  We love you, Kerr and we just want you to be ok.  I don’t want to EVER see you go through something like this again.  And as long as I’m around you never will.  I want you to feel safe.  I know you don’t right now but eventually I want you to feel safe.”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever feel safe again.”

“You will.  I promise.” Justin said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders to pull her in for a hug.  “Because I’m never gonna let anything happen to you again.  I love you, Kerrigan and I promise you I’m never gonna let anyone hurt you like this again.  Never.”

“But you didn’t let him hurt me this time, J.  I did.  I was stupid.  It’s all my fault, not yours or anyone else’s fault.  I was the one that stayed.  I was the one that allowed it to go on.  It’s my fault.  I shouldn’t have gotten back with him in the first place, but I did.  But after the second time it happened I should have left then.  But instead I stayed, I did this to myself.”

“Why did you stay?  I mean you said you loved him, but Kerr I know you’re smarter than that.  You had to of had other reasons.  Reasons that to you seemed logical at the time.” Justin asked, still hugging her to his side.

“I didn’t want to be alone.” she said softly.

Justin pulled back to look down at her.  “Alone?  Kerr, you were never alone.  Why would you think that?”

“But I was, J.  I was pregnant and about to have a baby.  And I wanted Cody to love me so badly. I didn’t want to go back to the way things were before.  He made me feel special and loved.  I mean when he wasn’t hitting me, which believe it or not wasn’t all the time.  Most of the time things were great between us.  We were happy and we had fun together.  And I didn’t want to lose that.”

“I don’t see how you thought you’d be alone.  You’ve always had me and Trace.  And the other guys were always there.  How could you think you’d be alone?”

“Because it’s different with you guys.  You guys don’t show me THAT kind of affection.  We’re friends and I never really had a lot of boyfriends, you know that.  And to have someone that adored me and wanted me, well it made me feel special and appreciated.”

“Kerrigan, you are special and we do appreciate you.” Justin argued.

“But not like that.”

Justin nodded, he was trying to understand where she was coming from.  He supposed that the two were very different, but at the same time he didn’t understand how she could feel like she wasn’t special or that he and the others didn’t appreciate her.  He knew he appreciated her.  And that she was very special to him.

“Well, I’m not going to pretend I understand what you mean, because I honestly don’t.  But it’s obvious that whatever your reasons were, you felt strongly about them.  But Kerrigan I just want you to know that you are special.  You’re very special to me.  And I do appreciate you, so please don’t ever think that I don’t.”

“I know, J.” Kerrigan said, trying to put him at ease.  She could tell he was somewhat hurt by her words.  But Justin didn’t think she did know, so he proceeded to explain to her just how much she did mean to him.

“No, seriously, Kerr.  I love you.  You’re been a part of my life for so long I can’t even begin to imagine what it would be like without you in it.  And I don’t want to find out any time soon.  I was so worried there for a while that you was pushing me away and that you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore and that about killed me inside.  And to see you like this.  To see what he did to you and all the pain you’re in because of it.  It kills me.  If I could take it all from you and bear it myself I would.  I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

“You’re such a vital part of my life, Kerrigan.  My life wouldn’t be complete without you in it.  I may not always show it, but I do appreciate you.  You make me the person I am.  Well, you help make me the person I am.  You don’t take my shit.  You put me in my place.  And you’re always there when I need you to be.  And there’s no other person on this earth that can make me smile and laugh the way you do.  And infuriate me the way you do.  So you see you are special, so don’t you ever forget it.  Because if I ever lost you as a part of my life, I honestly don’t think I could go on living and that’s the God’s honest truth, Kerr.  You’re THAT important to me!”

Kerrigan looked into Justin’s sincere blue eyes as he stared at her, speaking the words she could tell were coming straight from his heart.  A tear trickled down her cheek, she was truly touched by the things he’d said.

“I can’t imagine my life without you in it either, Justin.  I know you love me and I know you’d do virtually anything for me.  And I would do the same for you.” she said, reaching out and pulling him into a full on hug.

Justin squeezed Kerrigan to him as tightly as he could without hurting her.  “I love you, Kerr.  And no matter what I’m always gonna be here.  Right here, Kerr.  Right by your side.”
 
 

Chapter 45

( 2 weeks later )

“Ok, you go get what you need and then meet me and Trace back by the electronics in what, like ten, fifteen minutes?” Justin said to Kerrigan.

“Yup, that’ll work.” Kerrigan smiled as she trotted off in the opposite direction from the guys.

Justin and Trace stood and watched her retreating back for a moment before they finally set off in their own direction.

They were at a local Wal-Mart to pick up some things for the house and a few groceries.  They’d decided to make it a group outing because they hadn’t really gotten to do much with each other over the last couple of weeks and had decided to make today their official “do stuff together” day.  Even if it did just consist of going to the store together.

Kerrigan was doing substantially better.  She was no longer moping around the house and crying all the time.  Although, she did have her moments when something would happen that reminded her of things and she would get a little depressed and somber about it.  But for the most part she was doing a lot better.

She was actually talking to Trace and Justin about things that were bothering her, rather than holding it inside.  This made the guys very happy, because all they wanted to do was help her deal with things and before she wouldn’t even let them in.  But now they were dealing with it together, as a group.  A group of tightly knit friends.

Kerrigan made her way through the store and went directly to what she’d come to get.  She grabbed the few personal items she needed and threw them in her hand held basket and then proceeded to make her way back across to the other side of the store where she was supposed to meet Justin and Trace.

She stopped along the way in the women’s section to look at a couple shirts that had caught her eye as she was walking past and after a moment of thought she finally found her size in the garment and then threw it into her basket as well, turning to continue on her way.

She was walking past the automotive section of the store, on her way to the electronics where she was supposed to meet the guys, when all of the sudden Cody appeared before her.  He walked out of the isle he had just been in and noticed her right away.

“Kerrigan…” he said, staring at her.

Kerrigan froze, totally unprepared to see him.  “What are you doing here?” she questioned, unable to form any other words.

Cody moved towards her and Kerrigan immediately backed away from him.  “How’ve you been?” he asked as he continued to walk towards her.

“Stay away from me.” Kerrigan said, rushing past him to continue her way down the isle.

Cody followed her, grabbing her gently by her arm to stop her.  “Wait, we need to talk.”

Kerrigan looked back at him and jerked her arm away from him.  “We have nothing to talk about.  What are you doing out, anyway?  I thought you were in jail.”

“I bonded out.  I don’t have a record so they let me out till the court hearing.” he said reaching out to touch her, but again Kerrigan backed away from him.

“Well, stay away from me.  I don’t want to see you.” she said, turning and walking off.

Cody stood there for a moment and then followed her, jogging to catch up with her.  Once he did he reached out and grabbed her arm again.  “We need to talk.” he said, a little more forcefully.

“GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!” Kerrigan yelled, jerking her arm away from him.

“Why are you acting like this?” Cody questioned.

“Because I don’t want to be around you.  Stay away.” she retorted, again attempting to walk off but Cody again grabbed her arm.

“I can’t do that, Kerrigan. I love you.” he told her.

Kerrigan tried to jerk her arm away from Cody again, but this time he held tight.  “Let me go.” she demanded.

“I can’t, Kerrigan.  We have so much we need to talk about.”

“I said let me go!”

“You don’t really wan….”

Cody was cut off as he was jerked away from Kerrigan forcefully.  “Put your hands on her again and I’ll kill you.” Justin threatened.

“I was just trying to talk to her.” Cody interjected.

“I don’t care what you were TRYING to do.  She told you to let her go and you didn’t.  You don’t touch her.  You hear me?  You don’t even come anywhere NEAR her!” Justin said as he pushed Cody backwards, his anger growing at the mere sight of the man.

“You can’t keep me from her.  If I want to talk to her I can.  It’s none of your business.” Cody, said shoving Justin back.

“That’s where you’re wrong.  Kerrigan, IS my business.  And she doesn’t want anything to do with you.  And you will respect that and stay the hell away from her or else.”

“Or else what?” Cody asked, standing up to Justin.

Kerrigan could see Justin was about to snap, so she quickly pulled away from Trace, whom had immediately pulled her to him as Justin had gone after Cody.  “Let’s just leave, J.  He’s not worth it.  Come on.” she said, pulling Justin away from Cody.

“See, she still cares about me.  She won’t let you attack me.” Cody smirked at Justin.

Kerrigan turned and glared at Cody.  “I don’t give a shit about you.  I’m not doing this for you, I’m doing this for him.  Cause I’m not about to let him get into trouble over a piece of shit like you.”

“Oh, I’m the piece of shit?” Cody scoffed.  “You’re the whore that caused all of this.”

Justin lunged forward in an attempt to get to Cody, but Trace jumped forward and grabbed a hold of him.  “No, J.  Kerri’s, right, let’s just go.  He’s not worth it man.”

Justin gave in to Trace and Kerrigan as they pulled him away, relaxing his body.  He wrapped his arm protectively around Kerrigan’s waist and looked to Cody.  “Just remember what I said.  Stay the fuck away from her, cause next time I won’t let them stop me.” he sneered and then turned and walked away.

( Back at the house )

Justin slammed the bags he’d been carrying into the house down on the kitchen table.  “I cannot believe the nerve of that guy!”

“J, calm down.  It’s over, just forget about it.” Trace told him.

“No, seriously Trace.  Who the hell does he think he is?  Just walking up to her like that?  Grabbing her like that?” Justin demanded.

“Justin, calm down.  Getting all upset about it will not solve anything.” Trace said glaring at him, hoping that Justin would take the hint that Kerrigan was standing in the same room as them, watching Justin closely.  Trace didn’t want her getting all upset about it again, she’d been doing so well over the last couple of weeks and he was afraid this was going to set her back in her recovery.  And Justin’s actions weren’t helping any.

“I can’t help it.  I hate him.  I want to strangle him.” Justin growled.

“So do I, but that’s not going to change anything so just chill out man.” Trace said, giving him a look and slightly nodding his head in Kerrigan’s direction.

Justin caught on and looked over to Kerrigan.  She was just standing there watching him.  “I’m sorry, Kerr. I didn’t mean to blow up like that.  I shouldn’t have done that in front of you.” he said, walking over and pulling her into a hug.

Kerrigan hugged him back and smiled slightly.  “It’s ok, J.  I know you’re just looking out for me, but really you need to try to control your temper.  I don’t want you getting into any trouble over me.  It’s not worth it.”

Justin pulled slightly back from their embrace and stared at her.  “Not worth it?  Are you kidding me?  I’d gladly go to jail for beating the shit out of him after what he did to you.  It would be SO worth it.”

“No, it’s not J.  It would just cause a whole bunch of problems for you and possibly mess up your career.  You don’t need that kind of attention.  Especially, since you’re working on your solo album.” she said, pulling away from him and proceeding to put some of the few groceries they had managed to pick up at the store, away.

Justin sighed, she was right and he knew it but he was angry and he couldn’t help but to feel the way he did.  “What the hell is he doing out anyways?  I thought he was in jail.  They actually let his ass out?”

“I was wondering that too.” Trace spoke up.

Kerrigan turned from placing the milk in the refrigerator and looked at the guys.  “He said he bonded out.  That they let him out because he didn’t have a record.  He doesn’t have to go back till the court hearing or whatever.”

“I swear those people are insane.  After what he did they just let him out?” Justin said angrily, shaking his head in disapproval.

“Yeah, well what are you gonna do?” Kerrigan shrugged.

“Not much we can do, apparently.  I just hope he’s got enough common sense to stay away.” Trace muttered.

“He don’t wanna bring his sorry ass around here.” Justin stated.

“Let’s just not worry about it right now guys.” Kerrigan suggested, hoping they’d drop the matter.

She didn’t want to think about it anymore.  Her mind had been reeling since the run in at the store with him and all this talk about what would happen and what they would do if he showed up again was not helping her in the least.  She just wanted to forget about it.

The group was quiet for a few minutes as they finished putting things away in their proper places, but they were all silently thinking things to themselves.

Justin was thinking about what he would do to Cody if he was stupid enough to come around the house looking to talk to Kerrigan.  Or if he got anywhere near her.  And Trace was pretty much thinking the same thing.

He wasn’t anywhere near as vocal about his distaste for Cody, but that didn’t make it any less potent.  He hated the man with a passion and he would go to any extreme to keep the guy away from Kerrigan.

While Kerrigan was silently praying she wouldn’t run into Cody again.  Seeing him brought back to many horrific memories that she was trying desperately to push out of her heard.  She had been dealing with things lately.  She had been sorting through her feelings and emotions, but seeing him was all it took to confuse her once again and bring back all those feelings of guilt she had been initially feeling.

Guilt because she had been stupid enough to stay with him and allow him to do the things he had done to her.  Guilt for hurting her friends and letting them down.  Guilt for her child’s death.  Because no matter how Justin or Trace or anyone else tried to deny it she was to blame for that as much as Cody was.

Granted she hadn’t physically taken part in it, but she might as well have.  She stayed when she should have left therefore it was as much her fault as it was his the way she seen it and no one could tell her any different.

But she was trying to put that behind her now.  She couldn’t do anything to change it and she would forever regret it and feel that guilt.  But at some point she had to move on with her life and try to make better, more conscious decisions.  And right now one of those decisions was to get as far away from Cody as she could, so he couldn’t confuse her or make her feel things she didn’t want to feel anymore.

Looking over at the guys as they put a few things into the cupboard Kerrigan spoke up.  “Maybe we should go out to the house in Cali.  Stay there for a while.  Ya know, just so we don’t have to worry about him bugging us.” she suggested.

Justin and Trace turned to look at her.

“You know that’s not a bad idea.” Trace stated.

“We can do that.  I mean if that’s what you want to do.” Justin offered.

“I just think it would be better.  We shouldn’t have to worry about running into him at the store or whatever and I know that you guys are going to worry about that.  And you won’t let me out of the house alone to go anywhere knowing he’s out there running around scott free at the moment.  And I can’t live like that, I need my freedom.  So maybe it would be best if we went out there.  And besides I haven’t even seen the house yet.  And you did have to halt your moving process for me, so I could help you get settled in and stuff.  It might be fun.  Plus, I’ve never really spent any real amount of time in Cali before, so we could scope things out.”

Justin nodded.  “Well, I’m up for it if that’s what you want to do.”

“Same here.” Trace agreed.

Kerrigan smiled, feeling a little better already.  “Then it’s settled.  We’re going to Cali.”
 
 
 

Chapter 46

( Late September )

“She seems to be coping pretty well.”

Justin looked over at Chris briefly before shifting his eyesight back to Kerrigan as she and Trace playfully raced each other to one of the game stands that was set up throughout the park.

The group had decided to go to Six Flags.  Chris was in town for a couple of days and they all decided to get together and hang out.  They had talked about going to Disney Land but had decided on going to Six Flags instead, agreeing that it was more their speed than the Mickey themed park.

They wanted to go somewhere where they could ride all of the best roller coasters and have a good time and that just seemed to be the place that stuck out to them.

Over the last few weeks, after arriving in California Kerrigan and the guys had passed the time, first unpacking all of the things that had been left behind in Justin’s new house.  Kerrigan had helped Justin decorate it, along with Lynn, who had flown out special for that activity.

Justin had given them free rain of all the decorating.  Trace had teased Justin and said that the house would look like a chick pad more than a bachelor pad by the time they were done with it, but both guys had been surprised in the final result.

It was in no means feminine in any way.  Justin had his leather sofas and a décor that could only be described as manly, but not in an overbearing way.  In the end Justin was very pleased with what they had done and Trace was left eating his words.

After they had gotten all of the house things taken care of, in regards to unpacking and decorating.  Justin and Trace had taken Kerrigan out on the town.  Showing her around California, since she had never really spent a lot of time in the city.  And when she was it was always when she’d been there with the guys on tour, therefore she’d never really had any time for real sight seeing.

So Trace and Justin took her around the area, showing her what the Los Angeles and Hollywood areas had to offer.  They went to Hollywood and Rodeo Dr. and all the infamous places you hear about in that portion of California.  They hit the beach and the Santa Monica pier.  As well as various other spots in the area.

Justin had also gone back into the studio.  He’d been collaborating with Brian McKnight, working on another song for his album.  One they had started working on in Virginia but never quite finished up.

Kerrigan had gone to the studio with him a couple times and other times she and Trace would just hang out at the house or go and wander the city, finding different things to get into.

Things finally seemed to be getting back to normal.  Kerrigan still had her moments where she would see something or hear something that would bring up those bad memories and she would get upset, but for the most part she was doing incredibly well.  And Justin and Trace were doing equally well in distracting her.

Kerrigan had also gotten to meet Trace’s newest girlfriend.  And whereas in the past she had never really like any of his girlfriends, Kerrigan actually like this one.

Rebecca, or Becca as Kerrigan and the guys called her, was extremely different from any of Trace’s past girlfriends.  She was incredibly sweet and brutally honest.  And best of all she didn’t take any of Trace’s shit, which was the number one reason Kerrigan adored her.

She was also a pre-law student at UCLA.  That had been another shocker for Kerrigan.  Trace was actually dating a girl with a brain.  This girl was definitely a winner as for as Kerrigan was concerned.

And the two girls got along extremely well and were becoming fast friends.  When the guys were busy doing whatever, the girls would often hang out.  Go catch a movie or just lounge around Justin’s house for a lack of anything better to do.  But at least they were doing it together.

So things were definitely falling back into place and Justin couldn’t be any happier about it if he tried.  He was just happy to have his spunky childhood friend back.  To have the fire for life back in her eyes once again.  That to him was the most important thing.

“Yeah, she’s doing really well.  I mean she has her moments, but for the most part things are going really good.”  Justin stated, still watching as Kerrigan and Trace raced against each other in one of those games where you spray water into the bulls eye and your horse or whatever object of the game races across the board.

“It probably helps that you’re not actually in Florida.” Chris commented, watching Kerrigan and Trace as well.

“Yeah, I’m sure that helps.” Justin nodded.

“Ya know….” Chris turned his attention to Justin.  “I thought she was going to hate me.  I was really worried about showing up at your house last night.  I just knew she was going to rip me up one wall and down the next for telling you and Trace about Cody.”

“I think she knows that you did what you needed to do, Chris.  She can’t blame you for that.  You was being a friend.”

“Yeah, but still.  I did not expect her to greet me with opens arms the way she did.  Or for her to pull me aside and THANK ME for telling you guys.  I mean that really shocked the shit out of me.”

“Well, like I said.  She knows you were only doing what you had to.  If you hadn’t of said anything, God only knows what would have happened.  Me and Trace wouldn’t have been in town that night and….” Justin trailed off.

Chris could tell by the expression on Justin’s face that his thoughts of what would have happened had he not been there, were unimaginable.  “Yeah, I know J.” he said trying to comfort his friend.

Justin shook his head, trying to shake away the thoughts that were flowing through his mind.  The endless possibilities of what could have happened.  “I don’t even wanna think about it.”

“Well, don’t.  You were there and none of those things happened, so don’t even stress yourself over those other possibilities.” Chris instructed.

“Yeah, I know.  But I can’t help but think about it sometimes.  I mean the shit she went through is bad enough.  To think if we hadn’t of been there.  If we hadn’t of went over there when she called me that night.  I just keep thinking about what that Doctor told me that night.  It plays over and over in my head.”

Chris gave him a confused looked.  “What did he tell you?”

“Well, when he was telling us about her injuries I was pissed and upset and he made it sound like her injuries weren’t that bad, which of course pissed me off more so I snapped at him.  I asked him how it could get any worse or something like that.  And he said, “He could of killed her.”  And that just haunts me.  I mean what if we hadn’t…..”

Chris cut him off.  “Stop right there, J.  I know what you’re thinking, but don’t.  You were there.  You did go find her.  And she’s ok.  So don’t think like that.”

“I know Chris, but still.  I can’t help but think, what if?” he paused, looking over to meet Chris’ eyes.  “She means so much to me, Chris.  I honestly don’t know what I’d ever do if I lost her.”

Chris nodded his understanding.  He didn’t need for Justin to say anything further, because everything he needed to know was right there, visible in Justin’s eyes.

He could see from the simple expression upon Justin’s face that if he did ever lose Kerrigan, that he would be devastated.  The mere thought alone was enough to put a painful expression on the boys face, but to actually have it happen.  Well, Chris didn’t even want to think about what that would do to Justin.

“You really love her, huh?” Chris asked, already knowing the answer despite anything Justin would say.

“Of course I love her.” Justin scoffed.  He couldn’t believe that Chris was asking him a question that he found completely ridiculous.

“No, J.  I mean, you REALLY love her.  I’m not talking about just as her best friend.  I’m talking about LOVE, as in you’re IN love with her, kind of love her.”

Justin gave Chris a funny look.  “Chris, it’s not like that and you know it.”

“You don’t have to lie to me, J.  I can see it in your eyes.  It‘s always been there, but before I could tell you didn’t realize it.  That you didn’t really know that that’s how you loved her.  But I can see it in your eyes now.  You know.”

Justin was silent for a moment.  Just silently staring at Chris, wondering how he could read him so well.  Granted they’d know each other for years, but that wasn’t what concerned him.  What concerned him was if Chris could supposedly see it in his eyes, Justin couldn’t help but wonder who else could see it in his eyes.  Namely, could Kerrigan see it?

Sighing, Justin gave in.  There was no reason to lie about it.  Not to Chris.  Justin knew Chris could tell when he was lying so it would really be no use to even try.  “Yeah, I do.” he finally admitted.

A smile slowly spread across Chris’ lips.  “So what are you gonna do?” he asked.

“What do you mean what am I gonna do?  I’m not gonna do anything.  She just came out of a horrible relationship, Chris.  I’m not gonna pressure her with this as well.  I can’t do that to her.  She’s got enough on her shoulders without adding something else to it.”

“But what if she feels the same way?”

“I don’t think she does, Chris.  She’s never shown any signs of thinking about me like that.” Justin shook his head and looked off in the direction of Kerrigan and Trace again.  They had moved on to another game stand and were battling it out against each other once again.

Chris studied Justin as he watched Kerrigan.  He couldn’t understand how Justin could be so blind.  How could Justin not know that for several years, Kerrigan had been crushing on him.  It was obvious to everyone, even though they rarely brought it up.  Especially, in Justin or Kerrigan’s presence.  But it had always been extremely obvious.

Justin looked back over at Chris, catching him staring at him with penetrating eyes.  “What?” he questioned.

Chris shook his head.  “Nothing.”

“Surely, you’re not thinking I should make some kind of move on her.” Justin scoffed, still trying to understand why Chris was looking at him the way he was.  “I mean, Chris it wouldn’t be right after everything she’s been through.  I can’t do that.”

“I didn’t say you should.  I agree she needs time, J.  But eventually, I think you should at least talk to her about it.  You should tell her how you feel.”

Sighing again, Justin started walking towards Kerrigan and Trace.  “I can’t do that Chris.  I love her too much to risk messing up our friendship.  She’s been through a lot and the last thing she needs now or even anywhere remotely in the future is me confusing her more by telling her I’m in love with her.  I can’t do that to her.  I refuse to do that to her.”

Chris nodded.  He could tell Justin was set in his decision and there was no use in trying to persuade him otherwise.  If there was one thing he knew about Justin, it was he was a stubborn guy and you couldn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to do.

“Well, that’s your call, J.  You gotta live with it, not me.” he said, walking off to join Kerrigan and Trace.

Justin stood there watching Chris’ retreating back for a moment.  It was his call, just as Chris had said.  And this was a decision Justin had made long before the whole “Cody incident”.  It was a decision Justin had made the moment he realized he loved her.  The moment he kissed her during that stupid game of truth or dare.

It had taken a while for him to admit it to himself, but once he finally did it hadn’t taken long for him to decide that those were uncharted feelings and they were better off to be left that way.  Things would get far to complicated and awkward if he were ever to peruse them.  Not to mention the possibilities of ruining their friendship.  And that was something Justin was not willing to sacrifice.

Kerrigan meant far too much to him for him to put that on the line.  When he said he didn’t know what he’d do if something ever happened to her, that wasn’t just limited to if Cody had taken her away from him.  But it also include any form of losing her.  And if he were to try a relationship with her and something were to go wrong.  Or if he were to tell her that he cared about her like that and she didn’t feel the same way.  Things would never be the same.  And there was no way he was willing to chance that.  No way at all.

He loved her and he had her in his life and that was all he needed.  As long as she was well and happy then he could live with that.  As long as she was there.  Because if she wasn’t he really didn’t know what he would do.

Sighing one more time at the thoughts, rushing through his mind, Justin followed after Chris.  They were there to have a good time and he wasn’t going to let this conversation deter him in the least.

Seeing Kerrigan happy and smiling again was enough to get him through the rest of the day.  Regardless of what his heart was telling him to do.  He knew that he could live with himself keeping things the way they were, as long as she was happy.  As long as he could see the smile on her face and the fire in her eyes.  That was all he needed.

Loving her as a friend would just have to be enough.  Because Justin wasn’t prepared to love her any other way.  Especially, right now.
 
 
 

Chapter 47

( Beginning of October )

“So how does it feel to know your album is now complete?” Kerrigan asked Justin, as they made their way out of the large building that housed the studio they’d been working in the last couple of days.

They were once again back in Virginia Beach so Justin could do any touch ups that were needed and finalize everything on his album with Pharrell and Chad.  And now that they were finished, all that was left was for the tracks to be mastered and then pressed and shipped out to be sold.  The current release date was slotted to be November 12th, but Justin along with his management team had all agreed to move it up to November 5th instead.

There was so much anticipation about the album that they just wanted to get it out there and see what whether it was going to sink or float.  Although, Kerrigan already knew from the content of the album that it was going to do incredibly well.  And she’d also been checking out some of the fan sites online and there was quite an uproar about the album.  She had no doubt that “Justified” was going to be anything less than “Justified”.  Punt intended.

“Well, it’s not exactly complete until they actually press it, Kerr.” Justin chuckled.  He wasn’t sure who was more excited about the whole thing, Kerrigan or himself.

“You know what I mean.” she shoved him playfully, before climbing into the SUV that was there to pick them up.

“Yeah, I know.  It feels great.  I can’t even describe how it feels, Kerr.  I mean this is like a dream come true for me.”

“Yeah, another one.” she mumbled.

“What was that?” he asked, smirking at her.  He’d heard what she said and he knew she didn’t mean it maliciously.

“You heard me.” she rolled her eyes at him.

“Jealous because your debut album hasn’t hit the stands yet?” he teased.

Kerrigan snorted.  “And it never will either.”

The two drove in silence for a few minutes before Justin finally spoke up.  “So I wonder if Trace is having a good time back in Cali without us?”

“He’s with Becca, I’m sure he’s having a GREAT time.” Kerrigan said, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Do not put those mental pictures in my head.” Justin shook his body as if repulsed by the thought.

“I didn’t put anything in your head.  If you’re thinking that kind of stuff, that’s all you buddy.” she smirked.

“Whatever.” Justin groaned.  “Sooooooo….” he drew out, not really sure of what else to talk about.

Justin had been feeling quite awkward lately.  Ever since his little chat with Chris at Six Flags a few weeks before he’d been thinking more and more about what Chris had said and the decisions he had come to.

It was extremely weird for Justin to be looking at Kerrigan the way he now was.  He found himself studying her all the time.  Watching her every move.  Noticing things about her he’d never noticed before.  Like the way her hips swayed when she walked.  Or the way she crossed her legs when she was sitting down.

Even though he’d been feeling things for her since their kiss, this was the first real amount of time lately that they’d had to spend together.  So he’d never really had the chance to notice those things before.  But he was noticing them now and it was slowly but surely starting to drive him crazy.

There were times when they would be joking around and she would be laughing and he just wanted to reach out and kiss her something awful.  He was haunted by the memories of that one amazing kiss he had shared with her.  And it seemed like no matter how hard he tried to shove those thoughts and memories out of his mind, they stuck there like glue.  Refusing to budge and inch.

This whole pretending not to be in love with her thing wasn’t turning out to be as easy as he had hoped it would.

“So, what?” Kerrigan questioned.

“I dunno.  Just trying to make conversation.” he shrugged.

Kerrigan laughed at his feeble attempt.  She had noticed he’d been acting a little strange lately and was utterly confused as to why.  She wanted to believe it was related to everything that had happened.  That he was just being overly cautious around her, but something told her there was more to it than that.  She just didn’t know what.

“So when do we fly back to Cali?” she asked, picking a topic for conversation since Justin seemed unable to do so.

“Why are you asking me?  You’re supposed to be my personal assistant.  You’re supposed to know these things.”

“I’m testing your knowledge and you said you were trying to make conversation.  So I’m making conversation.”

“Oh.” he paused in thought.  “Well, we’re flying back tomorrow afternoon aren’t we?” he questioned, honestly not entirely sure when they were flying back.  He’d been so consumed with working on the album and all the other “crazy thoughts” that had been running through his mind lately that he hadn’t really paid much attention to when she’d said they were flying back.

Kerrigan smiled at him.  “Correct.  Our flight leaves at 2:30 tomorrow.”

“Ok, good.” Justin nodded, then looked over at her.  “You think you wanna go out with Chad and Pharrell tonight?  They mentioned something earlier about maybe going to a club or something since it was our last night in town.”

Kerrigan shrugged.  “Sure, I guess.  I mean we don’t really have anything else to do.  And they look like they’d be fun to party with.” she smiled.

“Trust me no one parties, like Pharrell.” Justin grinned.

“Well, then this should be interesting.”

( Later that night @ the club )

“Damn, this place is packed!” Kerrigan yelled over to Justin as they were lead through the swarms of people crowded into the club, along with Pharrell and Chad.

“Yeah.  Stay close to me.” Justin yelled back, grabbing Kerrigan by her waist and pulling her close to him.  He didn’t want to take the chance of them getting separated somehow in the crowd.

Kerrigan, meanwhile was somewhat amused by Justin’s behavior.  It wasn’t like this was the first time she’d been out to a busy club with him, or caught up in the hysteria of it either.  So for him to be clinging to her and acting so protective she couldn’t help but be amused.  He hadn’t acted like this before.  Well, with the exception of when she had first gone on the road with him, but that was when she didn’t know anything about these situations.  She was well schooled now so Justin’s behavior was just odd.  But extremely amusing as well.

The group made their way through the club and up to the VIP area and were then seated at a small booth in the corner.  They ordered their drinks for the waitress that has appeared when they sat down and were now drifting off into their normal club banter.

Well, it was normal to Kerrigan.  Every time she went out to a club with any of the guys she would always have to sit off to the side and listen to them go on and on about the various “hot” women in the club and their outfit choices for the evening.  It was at least somewhat comforting to know that that portion of the whole clubbing experience with Justin and his friends hadn’t changed.

Drifting off in her thoughts Kerrigan was looking around the club.  People watching.  There really were a lot of people there that night.  Especially for it being a week day.  But everyone appeared to be having a good time.  Dancing around.  Laughing.  Smiling.  Just watching the strangers having a good time was enough to bring a smile to her face.

Kerrigan however was broke from her daze when Justin nudged her gently on her shoulder to get her attention.  “Are you zoning out on me or something?” he asked.

“Huh?  No, sorry I was just watching the people.” she shrugged.

Justin smiled at her.  “It’s cool, I was just teasing.  But look I’m gonna go over there with Pharrell real quick.  He’s got some people he wants to introduce me to and I didn’t just wanna get up and walk off while you in la la land.”

“Funny.” Kerrigan rolled her eyes at him.  “That’s fine.  I’ll be here.”

“Well, Chad’s staying with you.  But I’ll be back in a few.” he said, before quickly climbing out of the booth and walking off with Pharrell.

Kerrigan looked over at Chad, whom was just smiling at her.  “Does he think I need a baby sitter or something?”

“Nah.” Chad waved her off.  “That dude Pharrell’s introducing J too, well me and him don’t get along so well.  So it’s best I stay here.”

“Oh, I see.” she nodded her understanding.

“So how have you been lately?  We’ve spent the last few days holed up in the studio, I don’t think I ever actually got around to asking how you’ve been.” he smiled.

“I’ve been good.  You know, dealing.” she shrugged.

It was a well known fact to Kerrigan that both Pharrell and Chad had been clued in on all that had happened and gone on with her since the last time they had seen each other.  And all the guys had been extremely careful not to bring it up or mention it while she was around.  Which Kerrigan thought was sweet.  But sometimes they were just entirely too obvious for their own good.

“Well…” Chad paused, rethinking what he had been about to say.  “That’s good.” he finally finished.

Kerrigan merely chuckled at him under her breath.  She couldn’t help but find it amusing.

Granted there really wasn’t anything funny about what had happened, but the way the guys acted was too much for her at times.  She was dealing with it.  And it sometimes annoyed her to no end that they would skirt around the issue.  She was expected to be up front and forward when she was thinking about it and feeling upset about it.  But everyone else was aloud to skirt around it and avoid it.  She really didn’t think that was fair.

But this wasn’t the time or the place to bring that conversation up.  And in all honestly Chad didn’t know any better.  Everything he was going on he had heard from Justin.  He was just being watchful of her feelings, so it really wasn’t his fault.

Sitting back in the booth, Kerrigan quickly finished off her beer, ordering another when the waitress came by again.  She really wished she hadn’t allowed herself to get on that particular train of thought because now it seemed that’s all she could think about.

Thinking about everything that had happened.  Memories of everything Cody had put her through flashing through her mind.  Memories of how stupid she had been.  And that all consuming dread that over took her every time she thought about the upcoming trial.  It was scheduled for November 22nd back in Orlando and Kerrigan really wasn’t looking forward to that at all.

She knew everything that had happened.  Everything that Cody had done to her, it was all going to be brought up in court, in front of God only knew how many people.  And she was going to be forced to relive the whole thing again.  Something she’d rather not do since she had been doing such a good job of pushing all those thoughts behind her and moving on with her life.

But this was something she couldn’t get out of.  And it was something that needed to be done.  Cody needed to pay for what he had done to her.  To their baby.  He was out of his mind and she hated him.  Any love or emotional feelings she’d had for him before, were completely gone now.  The only thing she was left feeling for him was hatred.  And she wanted to see him get what he deserved for doing what he had done.

Finishing off her beer once again, Kerrigan motioned for the waitress to get herself another drink.  Maybe if she consumed enough alcohol her mind would be too fuzzy to think about those things anymore.  At this point she would try anything if only it would make the stupid memories and thoughts go away.
 
 

Chapter 48

Chad sat across from Kerrigan and watched her flag down the waitress and order another beer.  He wasn’t sure but if his memory served him correctly she was working on her fifth one.  Way ahead of him.

“Maybe you should slow down a bit.” he suggested as the waitress sat another beer down in front of Kerrigan and she quickly picked it up, taking a large gulp.

Kerrigan smiled at Chad.  His wife was a lucky lady, he was such a sweetheart.  “I’ll be find, Chad.  Besides, we’re here to party.  I think you need to play catch up.”

Chad laughed at her.  “If I came home drunk, my woman would kick my ass.”

“Awwwww….she got that ball and chain on ya, huh.”

“Nah, not really.  I’m just not much of a drinker.  I mean I have my moments.  We all do.” he said giving her a look as if to say, “like you’re having right now” and then continued.  “But most of the time I’ll have a couple beers and that’s it.”

“Well, good for you.  I’m sure that makes the wifey proud.  She doesn’t have to worry so much about you.”

“Yeah, I guess.” he shrugged, looking off to try to locate Justin and Pharrell.  They’d been gone for a good while and Chad was beginning to think they weren’t coming back.

Kerrigan look off, following Chad’s gaze and noticed him watching Justin.  She turned her attention back to him, somewhat reading his thoughts.  “It’s ok.  He’s always running off and talking to people when we go out.  I’m used to it.  He won’t be back for a while, but it’s fine.” she assured him.

Chad nodded and gave her a friendly smile, drifting back off to look around the club.

Kerrigan was about to say something to him, to strike up further conversation when a tall dark haired man approached their table.  “Excuse me.” he said, attempting to get Kerrigan’s attention.

She looked up at the young man standing before her.  He was extremely good looking.  Dark brown spiky hair.  Piercing blue eyes.  And a smile that could knock any girl off her feet.  “Yeah?” she smiled at him.

“Well, I was sitting over at my table with my friends and I seen you sitting over here and you looked a little bored so I thought maybe you’d want to dance?” he asked, then noticing Chad who had been virtually invisible from where the guy’s table was.  “Oh, unless you two are together.” he quickly added.

Chad laughed.  “It’s cool man.  We’re not here together.  I mean we’re here together, but not like that.”

“Oh, alright.” the guy nodded at Chad, focusing his attention back on Kerrigan.  “So…you wanna dance?” he asked her again.

“Well, that depends.  Are you even gonna tell me your name?” she asked, feeling somewhat bold from the liquid courage now coursing through her veins.

He smiled, extending his hand.  “The names Nathan.  And your name would be?”

“Kerrigan.” she smiled, shaking his hand briefly.

“Ok, so we got the names outta the way.  So do ya wanna dance or not?”

Kerrigan turned to Chad quickly to make sure he showed no objections and he merely shrugged indicating he didn’t care, so Kerrigan turned her attention back to Nathan.  Smiling she replied “Sure.” and allowed him to lead her from the booth and to the small dance floor area that was off to the side in the VIP area they were in.

Justin had noticed the guy as soon as he had walked over to the table Kerrigan and Chad were seated at and he’d been silently watching the exchange from his spot across the room.  The conversation going on around him completely forgotten when he saw the guy take Kerrigan’s hand and lead her from the booth to go dance.

Justin felt an urge inside himself to walk over and yank Kerrigan away from the guy.  They were dancing rather provocatively and Justin really didn’t like that at all.  Especially, since the guys hands seemed to be easing their way south bound on Kerrigan’s hips and lower back.

But Justin also knew he couldn’t make a scene.  Not only would that cause too much drama in the club but it was likely to make Kerrigan suspicious.  He knew he had been acting strangely lately and that more than likely Kerrigan had caught on.  So he didn’t want to do something else that would possibly clue her in on what was going on inside his head.

Ordering another beer Justin quickly chugged it down as the song switched out and Kerrigan continued dancing with the guy.  For the life of himself, Justin couldn’t remember Kerrigan ever dancing with anyone at a club in the past, other than like himself or one of the other guys.  She had never danced with anyone outside of their circle.

And based on the way she was acting while dancing with this guy, Justin was guessing she’d had a few drinks and probably wasn’t thinking too clearly.  That was the only thing he could come up with at the moment, but then she had changed a lot over the last few months.  Perhaps this was just a part of who she had become.  But no matter how much Justin tossed the ideas back and forth in his head, he couldn’t get past the feeling that there was more to it than that.  That there was something wrong.  Something bothering her and that was why she was acting outside of her character.

Meanwhile, Kerrigan was having a great time dancing with Nathan.  He was a little too touchy feely for her liking, but at least it gave her something else to concentrate on other than the stupid memories and thoughts that had been running through her head before.  She was doing a good job of distracting herself from those thoughts.

That was until of course the song switched out again.  She wasn’t sure if it was the second, third or even fourth time the song has switched out, but this song grabbed her attention right away.  The words striking her to the center of her soul.

The fights, those nights
I tried to pretend it don't hurt
The way, I prayed
Someday that you would love me
Really, completely
Just how I wanted it to be
But no, so wrong
Can't believe I stayed with you so long

You hit, you spit, you split, ever-y bit of me, yeah
You stole, you broke, you're cold
You're such a joke to me, yeah

Pulling away from Nathan, Kerrigan quickly excused herself from him and headed back over to the table where Chad was still sitting alone.

She quickly sat down and grabbed her bear, chugging the remaining contents in virtually one gulp.  She had never heard this song before and didn’t know who sung it.  All she did know was that this song struck a little too close to home for comfort.  Especially, after all the things that had been running through her head already.  She did not need to hear this song.  She did not need to be reminded further of those memories.

For every last bruise you gave me
For every time I sat in tears
For the million ways you hurt me
I just wanna tell you this
You broke my world, made me strong
Thank you
Messed up my dreams, made me strong
Thank you

My head, near dead
Just the way you wanted it
My soul, stone cold
Cos I was under you're control
So young, so dumb
Knew just how to make me succumb
But I un-derstand
To make yourself feel like a man

Justin watched as Kerrigan pulled away from the guy she’d been dancing with and rushed back over to the table.  At first he thought the guy had done something to her or said something to her inappropriately by the way she had rushed off.  And he was half ready to go over to the guy and beat the shit out of him for upsetting her or hurting her in any way.

But then he heard the lyrics to the song that was playing loudly through the speakers and it suddenly struck Justin as to why Kerrigan suddenly seemed upset.

Even though this song sounded to be somewhat of an anthem at getting past that kind of a relationship, as the girl repeatedly thanked whoever for making her strong from doing what he’d done, or whatever the case may be.  The song was still very descriptive and it wouldn’t take too much thought to figure out that it was reminding Kerrigan of things she didn’t need to be reminded of.

Completely oblivious to the people standing around him, Justin walked right past Pharrell without so much as a word and headed directly for Kerrigan across the room.

You hit, you spit, you split, ever-y bit of me, yeah
You stole, you broke, you're cold
You're such a joke to me, yeah

For every last bruise you gave me
For every time I sat in tears
For the million ways you hurt me
I just wanna tell you this
You broke my world, made me strong
Thank you
Messed up my dreams, made me strong
Thank you

Chad noticed Kerrigan’s sudden presence and her actions caught him off guard.  She looked extremely upset and he wasn’t sure what was going on or what to do.  He didn’t know her well enough to read her to see what was going on.  But it was obvious something was.

“Are you ok, Kerrigan?” he asked, scooting over in the booth to be directly across from her.

Kerrigan looked up and met Chad’s eyes.  “This song.” she said.

Chad wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean, but he listened to the words of the song and quickly understood.  Even with his lack of information on the whole situation, he knew enough to understand why she was suddenly so upset.

“Are you gonna be ok?  Do you want me to go find, Justin?”

“No, don’t bother him.  I’ll be fine.  I’m just being stupid.” she waved him off.

“Kerrigan, you could never bother me and you know that!” Justin scolded her as he sat down next to her, sliding his arm behind her back.  “What’s going on, sweetie?” he asked her.

You coulda had it all babe
It coulda been so right
I woulda given you everything
Morning through night
Yeah, you taught me some lessons
Those are my blessings
That won't happen again
Thank you

Kerrigan looked up and met Justin’s sincere blue eyes and she felt all of her walls crumbling.  And crumbling quickly.  She then looked over at Chad, not really feeling one hundred percent comfortable discussing it in front of him.  Even thought the music was loud and he probably wouldn’t be able to hear much of what she said.

Chad caught the look and quickly got up.  “I’ll leave you two alone.” he said, walking off.

For every last bruise you gave me
For every time I sat in tears
For the million ways you hurt me
I just wanna tell you this
You broke my world, made me strong
Thank you
Messed up my dreams, made me strong
Thank you

As the final notes of the song played through the speakers, Justin studied Kerrigan as she sat before him silently, lost in thought.  “Come on, Kerr.  Tell me what’s going on.  It’ll help.” he coaxed.

Kerrigan looked back up at him and met his eyes once again.  “You already know.  I can tell by the look on your face you know.” she told him.

Justin shrugged.  “I guessed.  I mean you were dancing with that guy and then you just rushed off.  I thought maybe he’d done something at first then I heard the song and the lyrics stuck out.  Is that what’s wrong?  Did the song upset you?”

“Yeah, I’ve never heard it before.” she admitted.

“Well, try to think of it as a positive thing.  Think of the meaning behind the song, not just he lyrics.” Justin said, trying to be optimistic about the song.

“I know you’re right, J.  That’s like a total anthem kinda song for the shit I’ve been through.  But I cant’ hear it without thinking about all the other stuff that goes along with it.  And I was already thinking about it anyways and just hearing that song just makes it worse.” she admitted.

“What do you mean you were already thinking about it?  How long have you been thinking about it?” Justin questioned, somewhat concerned.  Lately whenever she was upset or thinking about “it” she would come to him and it made him a little uneasy to know that she was once again stressing over things and she hadn’t said anything to him about it.

“Not very long, Justin so you can calm down.  Me and Chad were talking and I could tell he was holding back, afraid he would upset me somehow and that just got me to thinking.  And you know how my mind works, it goes from one thing right on to another and before I knew what was happening I was dwelling on it.  So when that guy asked me to dance, I thought “hmmmm, good way to distract myself” but it didn’t work.  Especially when this damn song came on.”

Squeezing her shoulder gently, Justin gave her his best smile.  Trying to look and sound convincing.  “Well, it’s just a song right?”

Kerrigan shook her head.  “No.  I mean yeah it’s just a song, but it’s a song that reminds me of how stupid and foolish I was.  It reminds me of all the shit that I went through and everything I lost.” she said looking down at her lap, thinking of the baby.

Justin watched her silently as the tears began to roll down her cheeks.  He wasn’t sure what to do, she was getting upset and she was crying and he knew that nothing he could do or say would make things any better.  So he did the only thing he could think of he pulled her into a hug, hoping that would at least remind her that he was there for her and comfort her in some way.

Kerrigan returned his embrace, wrapping her arms around him as she began to ramble off her thoughts.  “I mean, I was so stupid, J.  Why did I let him do that stuff to me?  Why did I let it get that far.  And he got me pregnant, J.  How could I be so stupid?  And then being even more of the moron I am, I let him continue to beat me.  Beat me until he killed our child and did awful things to me.  Why did I have to be so scared of being alone that I let that fear drive me to do stupid things?  Why?  I just don’t understand why I was so damn stupid.”

Justin pulled back far enough to look down at Kerrigan’s face.  “Sweetie, don’t blame yourself for this.  You’re not stupid, you were confused.  You loved him.  Love can make you do some crazy things.”

Kerrigan shook her head.  “No, Justin.  I didn’t love him.  I never did.  I just didn’t wanna be alone.  I just wanted someone to love me.  I fooled myself into thinking I loved him until I really did start to care.  But I never loved him.  Not like that.  I just didn’t wanna be alone.” she cried, the tears flowing rapidly down her cheeks now.

“Kerrigan, you were never alone.  Why would you think something like that?  And lots of people love you.” Justin said, fighting off the urge to kiss away her tears.  His heart was breaking seeing her this way.

“They don’t love me like that, J.  And neither did he.” she sniffled, trying to pull away from him but Justin held her tightly, not allowing her to escape.

He stared down at her for a moment, unable to believe the things he was hearing from her.  She felt alone and unloved and that broke his heart further.  He never wanted her to feel that way again.  He never wanted her to question if people cared about her.

Not thinking very clearly Justin leaned down and captured Kerrigan’s lips with his.  He wanted to show her that he cared.  Even if she thought no one else did, at least she would know that he cared.

( Lyrics: Thank You ~ By: Jamelia )
 
 

Chapter 49

Kerrigan was hesitant for a moment as Justin’s lips captured hers.  She was too shocked to respond.  He was kissing her.  Justin was kissing her.

And it wasn’t a passionate kiss.  It felt more desperate and urgent to her.  She wasn’t sure what he was doing, perhaps he’d had a little too much to drink and had her confused with someone else.  Hell, at this point Kerrigan thought anything was possible, because Justin did not just kiss her like that.

Justin pulled back when he realized Kerrigan wasn’t responding and it suddenly struck him what he was actually doing.  He couldn’t believe he had just done that.  After all the metal wars he’d had within himself, deciding he wouldn’t pursue her or make any advances towards her and now he was kissing her.  And worst of all she wasn’t responding.  Not at all.  God, he felt like a complete and total ass.

Slowly looking up to meet her eyes, Justin was quiet, waiting to see what Kerrigan would say about what he had just done.  He looked away however when he saw the studded expression on her face and quickly began trying to come up with an excuse inside his head on how he could explain away such actions.

Kerrigan studied Justin’s face.  He looked somewhat embarrassed and extremely nervous.  “Justin?” she spoke his name, trying to get him to look at her again.

“Yeah?” he asked, meeting her eyes.

“You just kissed me.” she stated.

Justin sighed, closing his eyes, while he pulled further away from her.  “I’m sorry, Kerr.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  You were crying and I just wanted to distract you.  I shouldn’t have kissed you, I’m sorry.” he said, cautiously meeting her eyes again.

“Well…” Kerrigan began, with a funny expression on her face that eventually turned into a slight grin.  “You certainly surprised me.  And I’d have to say you distracted me as well.”

Justin bit his lip.  “You’re not pissed?” he questioned, still concerned that he’d upset her.

“No, I’m not pissed.” she smiled.  “I honestly shoulda expected something like that from you.” she said.

And with that statement Justin’s heartbeat raced.  Did she know?  Had she figured him out?  “What do you mean you shoulda expected that from me?”

Kerrigan shrugged.  “You and Trace are known for your crazy way of doing things.  It doesn’t surprise me that you’d do something like that to distract me.  It’s actually kinda sweet, although I don’t think it was very appropriate.  Pharrell and Chad are staring at us like we’ve grown second heads or something.”

Justin turned to see that in fact Pharrell and Chad were staring at them oddly.  He turned his attention back to Kerrigan.  “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have done that.  It won’t happen again.  And I’ll explain to them what happened.” he said quickly.

“It’s ok Justin.  You were just worried and trying to help.  It’s not a big deal.” Kerrigan waved him off with a smile.

Justin’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion.  He was positive she would have a different reaction than this to him kissing her.  Maybe she’d had too much to drink and that was the reason she was being so cool about it.  Whatever the reason may be he decided not to push it any further.  If she wasn’t upset, he wasn’t going to give her a reason to be upset.

“Ok, I just wanted to make sure.” he said, looking back over at Pharrell and Chad who seemed to be waiting on some kind of hint that it was ok for them to come back to the table.  Justin waved them over and the two immediately rejoined Justin and Kerrigan at the table.  Not saying a word about what they had seen, but giving Justin a look that was clearly questioning what the hell was going on.

Chad asked Kerrigan if she was feeling better and she smiled telling him she was fine, just had a moment of temporary insanity, which they all laughed at.

They sat there talking for a few minutes about anything and everything before Kerrigan excused herself to go to the restroom.  Once she was securely out of earshot, Pharrell quickly jumped on the topic that had been running through his mind.

“Ok, what was that all about?  You kissed her man.” he said staring at Justin expectantly.

“It was nothing.” Justin waved him off, taking a drink of his beer.  Silently praying that Pharrell would leave it at that.  Too bad Justin wasn’t that lucky.

“Didn’t look like nothing to me.” Pharrell stated.

“Me either.” Chad followed.

“I mean from where we were at, it looked pretty I don’t know, hot?” Pharrell said, still staring at Justin expectantly.

“Hot?” Justin questioned, giving him an annoyed look.  “Dude, she didn’t even kiss me back, how is that hot?  You’ve had too much to drink.”

“So you admit that you kissed her?” Pharrell questioned, ignoring Justin’s statement.

“I wasn’t denying it.” he retorted.

“You said it was nothing.” Chad countered.

“It was nothing.  She was upset and rambling and crying and I was trying to distract her.  It was nothing.  Like I said she didn’t even kiss me back, so that’s not exactly something I would call hot or anything at all really.”

“But you kissed her.” Pharrell argued.

“So what.  I kiss her all the time.” Justin objected.

“When do you kiss her all the time?  I’ve never seen you kiss her other than on the cheek or something.  Never on her lips.” Pharrell continued to argue.  He wasn’t buying Justin’s lame excuses.

“I’ve kissed her on the lips before.” Justin said, giving him a dirty look that he was pushing the mater.

“When?” Pharrell stared at him.

“During a game of truth or dare.  It was the reason her and Cody broke up the first time.  The time my dumbass got them back together.” Justin stated, looking off towards the rest rooms to see Kerrigan coming out the door.

“But J….” Pharrell started to argue the matter further.

“Look, drop it.  She’s coming.  It’s not what you’re thinking, so just let it go man.” Justin told him, getting up as Kerrigan got closer and let her slide back into the booth, before he sat back down.

Pharrell eyed Justin closely.  He didn’t believe any of that for a second.  Well, at least the part about the kiss meaning nothing.  He’d noticed the way Justin had been watching Kerrigan lately.  The way he’d been so protective of her.  And he hadn’t failed to notice the jealousy that was seeping from every morsel of Justin’s body when he noticed her dancing with that other guy earlier.  He was into Kerrigan and it was so damn obvious that Pharrell was baffled Kerrigan hadn’t picked up on it.

But it wasn’t his place to say anything so he’d just go along with whatever Justin said, even though he didn’t believe it for a minute.

( The following evening )

Justin and Kerrigan walked into the house.  It was oddly very quiet and they knew that Trace was supposed to be there and Trace and quiet just didn’t mix, so they knew something was up.

Justin set down his and Kerrigan’s suitcases and then motioned for her to set down their carry on bags.  Holding a finger to his mouth for Kerrigan to be quiet, Justin crept down the entry all towards the living room.  Kerrigan, following quietly behind him, fighting off the urge to laugh.

As they neared the living room their ears started to pick up on the faintest of sounds.  Sounds Kerrigan quickly recognized as kissing and slight moans.  She immediately grabbed Justin by his arm pulling him backwards.

Justin gave her an odd look.  “What are you doing?” he whispered.

“We shouldn’t interrupt them.  That’s wrong, Justin.” she softly scolded him.

A wicked grin appeared on Justin’s face.  “But so much fun.” he winked, then turning to proceed with his plans.

Kerrigan sighed and followed him, although she had no intentions of being a part of what he was doing.  She liked Becca and she didn’t want to embarrass the girl for fear they’d scare her off.  And she really liked this girlfriend of Trace’s and that just wouldn’t be acceptable.  But she knew there was nothing she could do to stop Justin, so she’d just let him take the heat on his own, while she stood back and watched.  That would be more interesting anyways, she smirked at the thought.

Justin crept into the living room as quietly as possible, looking back at Kerrigan giving her a questioning look when she stopped and didn’t follow him any further.  Shrugging he decided he didn’t need her to go through with his plan, so he carried on.

He silently approached the sofa and peeked over the back of it seeing the couple completely wrapped up in each other.  They had no clue anyone else was even around.  And since they were both fully dressed, Justin decided it was ok for him to proceed with scaring the shit out of them.  Had they been otherwise engaged he would have discreetly left them to their moment, but this was just too good to pass up.

Slinking around the sofa, Justin perched himself on the coffee table in front of them and still they hadn’t noticed him.  He sat there for a moment watching them, just waiting on them to look up and see him sitting there but still nothing.  And he couldn’t take it anymore so he leaned forward, resting his elbow on his knee and his chin in his palm and spoke up.

“You know that looks really fun.  Think I could join in?” he asked.

Becca’s eyes flew open at the sound of Justin’s voice and she immediately shoved Trace up off her, straightening her clothing in the process.

Trace glared over at Justin, wanting to reach out and strangle him.  “What the hell are you doing here?” he asked.

“What do you mean what am I doing here?” Justin asked between laughs.  “It’s my house.”

Kerrigan shook her head and silently laughed from the doorway.

“Where’s Kerrigan?” Becca asked, trying to regain her composure and ignore the fact that Justin had just been sitting there watching her and Trace make out.

Justin looked up and seen Kerrigan still hovering in the doorway.  Pointing to her he said.  “She’s right there.”

Kerrigan took that as her queue when Becca and Trace turned to look at her and she made her way into the room with an apologetic look on her face.  “I tried to stop him.” she said as she walked over and sat down on the other sofa.

“Sure you did.” Trace muttered.

“I did!  I told him not to interrupt.” she argued, giving Trace a dirty look.

“Whatever.” Trace grumbled, thoroughly annoyed with his friends.

“Hey, don’t blame her.  It was my idea.  Besides, you knew we were coming home, so you asked for it.” Justin stated.

“I knew you’d be here this evening.” Trace glared at him.

“It is evening, Trace.  What?  Did you lose track of time?” Justin smirked.

Becca watched the exchange between the two guys and she found it extremely amusing but she wasn’t going to let Justin see that.  It would only encourage him further, so instead she looked over at Kerrigan.  “I’m glad you’re home.  I wanted to hang out with you tonight.”

“HEY!” Trace called out disapprovingly.  “What about me?”

“I’ve spent the last few days with you.  I wanna hang with, Kerr for a bit.  Do some girl stuff.” she said, waving him off, which she received a disgruntled groan from Trace in return.  “So you up for a movie or something?” she asked, focusing on Kerrigan.

Kerrigan shrugged.  “Sounds good to me.  I need to get away from all this macho bullshit.”

Trace snorted.  “Justin macho?  Now that’s funny!”

“Shut up, Trace.” Justin glared at him.

“Hey, you started it man.  You just HAD to come up in here and mess up my game.” Trace retorted.

“You’re game?” Becca questioned him.

“You know what I mean.” Trace clarified.

“No, maybe I don’t.” she said, pretending to be offended.

“Becca, I didn’t mean it like that.  I was just….” Trace attempted to explain thinking she was seriously upset with him.  Until of course she started laughing in his face.  “You’re not right.” he groaned, throwing himself back in the sofa.

Kerrigan laughed at Trace, he pouted like such a little kid at times.  Come to think of it, him and Justin both pouted like little kids.  “So what movie did you wanna see?” she asked Becca, getting to her feet.

Becca followed Kerrigan’s lead and stood up.  “I don’t know.  Definitely a chic flick.  All I’ve gotten to see the last few days with him is stupid macho bullshit movies where they’re killing everyone and all that jazz.” she said as she followed Kerrigan towards the hallway.

“You’re not even going to invite us?” Justin called after them, feeling completely ignored.  He’d been hoping to get a bigger reaction out of Becca, but she was totally blowing it off.

“Why would we invite you guys.  I said I wanted to hang with Kerrigan.  Is either of your names Kerrigan?”  Becca turned and looked at them.

“My name can be whatever you want it to be, baby.” Justin said seductively, which earned him a pillow upside his head from Trace.

Kerrigan and Becca laughed at the two men as they bickered back an forth, playfully shoving the other like they were about to fight.

Kerrigan turned her attention to Becca and silently spoke.  “I’m surprised you didn’t ream Justin out.  I was hoping you’d do something.”

An evil grin spread across Becca’s face.  “Oh trust me, I’ll get even with him.  When he least expects it.”
 
 
 
 

Chapter 50

( November 4th )

“Are you excited about tomorrow?” Kerrigan asked, as she, Justin, Trace and Becca road in Justin’s Escalade.  They were on their way to the mall.  The girls wanted to go pick up a new outfit for the Release party the following night and the guys had decided to tag along with them.

“Excited isn’t the word for it.” Justin said, stopping at a red light.  He looked over at Kerrigan in the passenger seat.  “There are NO words for it.” he grinned.

Kerrigan smiled back at him then looked off out the window.  “It’s a shame your album was leaked on the internet though.”

“Oh, yeah BIG shame.” Trace mocked from the backseat, knowing full well that Justin had been behind that.

“Would you shut up about that.” Justin said from his seat as the light turned green and he took off again.

“You just couldn’t wait could you.” Trace continued.

Kerrigan laughed as Justin groaned and started mumbling things under his breath.  “It’s ok, J.  We understand.  You were excited and couldn’t wait any longer.”

They’d been teasing him relentlessly for days since the album had been leaked.  They all knew Justin had done it.  Even though he hadn’t meant to.  He wasn’t the most computer savvy person out there and he was only trying to leak a couple of the songs and had accidentally ended up leaking the whole damn CD.  They weren’t sure how he’d managed that, but in the end it was funny as hell.

“I didn’t mean to do it and y’all know that.  Why do you have to keep going on about it?” he groaned, as he turned into the parking lot of the mall.

Becca, who’d had the most fun antagonizing him about it spoke up from her place beside Trace in the backseat.  “Because we love to watch you squirm.”

Justin sighed as he pulled into a parking spot.  “Whatever.  Let’s just get this over with.”

“Hey, don’t act annoyed.  You said you wanted to come!” Kerrigan glared at him before getting out of the truck.

“I didn’t wanna sit at the house all day.  I needed to do something.” Justin defended as he climbed out as well, followed by Trace and Becca.

“Well, I’m sure we could have found something else to do.” Trace stated.  He wasn’t exactly thrilled about going shopping with the girls.  He knew they’d end up being there all day.  Especially, since Justin was with them.  Shopping was not Trace’s forte.

“Yeah, you coulda went and hung out with Alyssa.” Kerrigan pointed out.  Justin and Alyssa Milano had been spending a lot of time together over the last few weeks.  It had been another topic of teasing.

“She was busy today.” Justin stated, walking ahead of the other three hoping they would not start on that again.

“Awwww…she didn’t have time for her Justy Wusty?” Becca teased.

Justin glared at her.  “She called me that ONE TIME and she was playin’ around.  She doesn’t call me that.  And besides, me and Alyssa are just friends.”

Kerrigan, Becca and Trace all three burst into laughter simultaneously.

Justin glared at the his three friends.  Their constant teasing was getting really annoying.  If they weren’t teasing him about his flub leaking the album, they were teasing him about Alyssa.  And if it weren’t Alyssa they’d surely find something else to tease him about.  “Are ya’ll done yet?” he questioned, continuing to glare at them.  Sending them a silent message to shut the hell up.

Kerrigan’s hand covered her mouth as she attempted to regain her composure.  “Sorry, J.  But who do we look like?  We’re not stupid, we know ya’ll are more than friends weather you want to admit it or not.”

“Well, I guess that goes to show how much you three really know.” he sneered, walking off into the mall without them.

Kerrigan turned to Becca and the two girls chuckled at Justin’s annoyance.

Trace laughed and grabbed both girls by their arms to drag them into the store.  He didn’t want Justin going too far on his own, he was likely to get mobbed.  “Let’s catch up with him.” he instructed once they were inside the confines of the mall.

“The boy really can’t take a joke, can he?” Becca asked, as the trio walked quickly to catch up with Justin’s long, quick strides.

“Not when it’s directed at him he can’t.” Kerrigan mused.

“He understands we’re just playing right?” Becca questioned.  “I mean we all know they’re just friends but it’s just too damn much fun NOT to tease him about it.”

“That’s J, for ya.  He can dish it out but he can’t take it in return.” Trace spoke up as they closed in on Justin.

Kerrigan sent Becca a goofy grin then skipped off to catch up with Justin, jumping up on his back.

Justin stumbled to regain his balance at the new weight he was now carrying.  “Damn girl, you trying to kill me or something?” he half laughed at Kerrigan’s behavior.

“Awww….Justy Wusty can’t carry lil’ ole me?” she chuckled.

“Kerrigan….” Justin growled in warning.

“Alright, alright.” she said, hopping off his back.  “I’ll stop.  Geez, you can’t even take a joke.” she scoffed, taking stance beside him as they walked down the hall.

“I can take a joke just fine, the first few times.  But ya’ll just won’t quit!” he objected.  “You just keep going and going and going and…..”

Kerrigan cut him off.  “I get it.  We’re like the Energizer Bunny.”

Justin rolled his eyes.  “Just lay off.  I’m stressed and while I appreciate the banter at times, it’s getting a little old.”

“Yeah, that tends to happen when you’re always the brunt of the joke.” Becca chimed in, as she and Trace joined Kerrigan and Justin.

“Go AWAY!” he told Becca.

“Awww….you know you love me, J.  What would you do without me?” she asked sarcastically.

“I’d make it through a day with less humiliation.” he retorted.

“WRONG!” Becca said in a sing song voice.  “You still have Trace and Kerrigan for that.” she smiled.

Justin rolled his eyes at her.  “Can we just shop and get this over with?”

“You mean you actually want to rush your shopping?” Trace questioned in mock disbelief.

“Don’t you start too Trace.” Justin warned.

“Hey, if you can’t beat ‘em.  Join ‘em!” he smiled, taking his girlfriends hand and pulling her ahead of Justin and Kerrigan.

“What did I do to deserve this?” Justin asked himself aloud.

Kerrigan chuckled and smirked at him.  “You were born.”
 

A few hours later the group had successfully completely their shopping, but were still wandering aimlessly around the mall.  Just going in and out of shops looking around for a lack of anything better to do.

No one seemed to mind other than Trace.  He was thoroughly annoyed and ready to leave, but every time they even headed in the direction of the exit something else would catch Becca, Kerrigan or Justin’s eye and he would then be pulled into yet another store.  It seemed to him the tables had been turned from earlier, because they were no longer teasing Justin.  Now they were teasing him about his patience, or lack there of.

The group wandered around the newest store Becca had decided to go into and after not seeing anything that interested her Kerrigan motioned to the others that she was going to wait outside.  There were benches in the hall and her feet were starting to hurt a little from all the walking they had done, so she was going to take this opportunity to sit and relax for a minute.

Walking out of the store Kerrigan looked up and down the halls of the mall.  There really weren’t too many people there considering it was a Monday afternoon.  Kerrigan assumed everyone was still at work or something and that was why the halls were so vacant.

Spotting a bench about fifty feet from her, Kerrigan began to make her way towards it, her heart set on relaxing.  If even only for a brief moment.

As she walked towards the bench she continued to scan the halls of the mall, she’d always been a people watcher.  She just liked to watch the people around her, she wasn’t sure what she found so interesting about it, but she did none the less.

She was watching a mother with her small child when something else caught her attention.  A man, dressed in jeans, a t-shirt and a baseball cap standing just a few feet off to the mother and child’s left.  He appeared to be looking directly at her.

Kerrigan strained her eyes to see who the man was, perhaps it was someone she and Justin knew.  Or maybe even one of the other guys of Nsync, as the guy appeared to be trying to hide his identity with the way his ball cap was pulled down over his face.

Then he looked up at her and she froze in mid step.  “Cody?” she questioned to herself.  It couldn’t be him.  What the hell was he doing in California?  How had he found her?

Fear was racing through Kerrigan’s body.  She couldn’t even move at the mere sight of him.  Nor could she tear her eyes away.  She was watching him, trying to figure out what he was going to do.  If he even headed in her direction she was going to haul ass away from him.  She didn’t want anything to do with him.  She never wanted to see him again, even though she knew she would have to at least see him at the trial.

Kerrigan jumped, letting off a shriek when she felt a hand on her shoulder.  Stumbling away from whoever had touched her, Kerrigan looked back to see Justin staring at her oddly.  “What the hell, Kerr?” he questioned.

“You scared me.” she sighed, trying to regain her composure.

Justin walked over to her, looking her over.  “What’s wrong?” He could tell by the pale expression on her face that something was definitely wrong.  She looked as if she’d seen a ghost.

“Cody.” she whispered.

“Cody?” Justin questioned, completely confused.  “What are you talking about?”

“He’s over there, Justin.” Kerrigan said, nodding in the direction she’d seen him.

Justin’s eyes shot up quickly, scanning the area Kerrigan had nodded to, as one arm protectively pulled Kerrigan closer to him.  “Where?” he asked when he didn’t see anything.

“Over there.  In the blue t-shirt and black baseball cap.” she pointed.

Justin studied the man Kerrigan thought to be Cody.  He was walking off towards the other end of the mall, so Justin hadn’t been able to get a good look at him, but he was fairly positive it wasn’t Cody. “Kerr, that isn’t Cody.  He’s in Florida remember.  It can’t be him.”

Kerrigan sighed.  “You’re right.  It’s gotta be the fact that the trial is approaching.”

“Is this the first time you thought you’ve seen him?” Justin questioned, looking back down the hall to see that the man was now gone.

Kerrigan shrugged.  “When me and Becca were out the other day I thought I saw him, but when I looked back no one was there.  I think my imagination is just on overdrive or something.”

“I’m sure that’s it, Kerr.  You’re probably just getting nervous about the trial and that’s somehow manifesting itself into seeing Cody everywhere you go.  That kinda happened to me after me and Brit broke up.  I coulda sworn I seen her everywhere.” Justin said, trying to reassure his friend.

“Yeah, I know.  You’re right.  I’m just losing my mind.” she laughed.

“Well, we all do that at some point or another I think.” he smiled, leading her from the spot she’d be frozen in.  “C’mon.  Let’s finish our shopping and get out of here.”

“Ok.” Kerrigan nodded and allowed Justin to lead her away.
 

Chapter 51

( November 5th ~ Justin’s Release Party )

“Oh my God, JC how have you been?” Kerrigan squealed, as she was engulfed by his arms, into a tight hug.

JC chuckled at Kerrigan’s reaction to seeing him.  Granted it had been a while, but she’d never been this happy to see him.  He guessed she’d already had a few drinks that night and that was probably the reason for her over eagerness.  “I’m good, girl.  How’ve you been?  Things going ok?” he asked, as he pulled back to get a good look at her.

JC hadn’t seen her after everything that had happened to her with Cody.  And he couldn’t even begin to imagine looking at her with all the bruises she’d been covered in from what Justin and Trace had described.  He was happy he hadn’t seen that, he didn’t want to ever see Kerrigan like that.  The thought alone was heart breaking enough.  He wasn’t sure how Justin and Trace had made it through it.

“Things are good.  Especially, now that you’re here.” she winked at him, playfully flirting with him.

“So you have had a few drinks?” he laughed.

“Just a few.” Trace chuckled joining them.  “What’s up, C?” he said reaching out to give JC a manly hug.

“Not much.  Just been hangin’ out.  You?”

“Baby-sitting.” Trace said motioning towards Justin who was talking to Alyssa a few feet away and then at Kerrigan.

Kerrigan smacked Trace upside the head.  “You haven’t been baby-sitting me!” she objected.

JC laughed at the two.  It was good to see at least nothing had changed between them.  They were still giving each other a hard time like always.  “Better watch it Trace.  Don’t wanna get your ass kicked by a girl.”

Kerrigan smirked over at Trace since JC was taking her side.  But Trace merely rolled his eyes at her.  “Whatever.  She wishes.” he scoffed.

“You know I can do it.” Kerrigan stated.

“Whatever.” Trace scoffed again.  “Anyway, C I want you to meet my new lady.” Trace said grabbing Becca who stood a few feet away talking to some guy and pulled her over.  Becca gave Trace a dirty look and he returned it with a sweet smiled before turning to JC.  “C, this is Becca.  Becca, this is JC.” he introduced.

Becca smiled genuinely at JC, extending her hand to shake his.  “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too.  Although, I gotta question your stability if you’re dating Trace here.” JC joked.

Becca’s smile grew.  “Yeah, I find myself questioning that a lot too.” she nodded.

“I’m standing right here!” Trace protested.

“Like we care!” Kerrigan chimed in.

Trace glared over at Kerrigan, then turned to his girlfriend.  “Let’s got dance or something.” he stated, before pulling Becca away.

“Sorry.” she mouthed to Kerrigan and JC, giving them a wave.

JC turned his attention to Kerrigan.  “She seems cool.”

“She is.  She’s awesome.  She’s like the first girlfriend of Trace’s I could ever stand.  We hang out a lot.  She’s good for him.”

“That’s good.  Bout time he found him a real woman.” JC said looking around the party.

“Yeah.” Kerrigan agreed watching JC closely.

“Alyssa’s here?” JC questioned, finally seeing Justin and Alyssa talking a few feet away.

“Yeah.  They hang out a lot.” Kerrigan supplied evenly.

JC turned to look at her.  He could sense that she was unpleased with that fact.  “I can’t believe he’s actually dating her.” he said, looking back at Justin.

Kerrigan laughed.  “JC, you of all people should know not to believe everything you read in the papers.  They’re not dating.  They hang out, but they’re not dating.”

“Oh, well they looked pretty cozy together.” he shrugged, continuing to watch the interaction between Justin and Alyssa.

“She’s like that with everyone.” Kerrigan deadpanned.

JC’s head snapped around and he stared at her.  Her dislike for Alyssa was more than obvious now.  “You don’t like her?” he questioned, trying to hold back a smile.  If he wasn’t mistaken, it seemed as if she was jealous.

“Not really.  She’s a big flirt.  And she’d too old for him.” she shrugged, starting to walk off towards the bar.

JC followed.  “Age ain’t nothing but a number.  Bobbie was older than me.” he stated.

“Didn’t like her either.” Kerrigan said as she ordered another drink from the bartender.

JC laughed.  “Well, you were right about her.  I’ve met Alyssa though.  She seems nice enough.”

“I didn’t say she wasn’t nice.  I just said I didn’t really like her and that she was too old for him.  I think she’s using him for publicity.”

“Using him?  You really think?” JC questioned, ordering a drink for himself.

“I don’t know.  Don’t really care.  There’s just something about her that unnerves me.” she shrugged, taking a sip of her martini.

“Well, enough talk about that.” JC said, waving off the previous conversation and turning to look at Kerrigan.  “I gotta say that you’re looking extremely hot tonight, Kerr.  Where’d you get that outfit and how did you convince Justin and Trace to let you out in it?” he laughed.

“Becca picked it out so Trace had to agree and Justin I guess decided to keep his opinion to himself for a change.”

“So you finally got someone on your side, huh?”

“Yeah, Trace is pussy wiped so he wouldn’t dare go against Bec, and Justin has no one to back him up without Trace.” she smiled.

JC laughed at Kerrigan’s description of Trace.  “More fun for you I guess.”

“Yup.” she smiled over at him.  “And since we’re talking about having fun.  Why don’t we go have some fun?  Come dance with me JC.” she said grabbing his arm and pulling him towards the dance floor.

“Whoa, hold up.  I just got here.” JC tried to stop her.

“So.  What better way to make an entrance and get everyone’s attention.” Kerrigan grinned at him and continued to pull him towards the dance floor.

“You remember you forced me to do this, when I’m getting yelled at by Trace and Justin.” JC said, as he followed Kerrigan.

“Yelled at for what?” she questioned, looking back at him over her shoulder.

“For dancing with you.  You’re lookin’ to hot not to have a little fun with that.”

Kerrigan laughed as JC winked at her.
 

“She’s been hanging out with JC all damn night.” Justin grumbled, looking over at Trace.  “It’s my release party.  She should be partying with me, not him!”

Trace eyed Justin, trying not to laugh.  “You’re kidding right?”

“Hell, no I’m not kidding.  It’s not right.  It’s my party.  She came with me.  She would be hanging out with me.  Ever since C got here she’s been stuck up his ass all night.  You don’t think they got something going on do you?” Justin asked, with a serious look.

With that Trace full on laughed.  “Do you hear yourself, Justin?  I mean really!” he said between snorts.  “Need I remind you that you’ve been hanging with Alyssa most of the night?  What?  Did you expect Kerrigan to just follow you around?  I’m glad she hooked up with JC and they’re having a good time.  It is a party after all.” he said when he’d finally calmed his laughter.

“Hooked up with, JC?  What do you mean by that?” Justin questioned.

Trace laughed again, Justin was wearing his heart on his sleeve at the moment.  Or at least his jealousy anyway.  “Hooked up, like hanging out.  Not hooked up like….hooked up.”

“Oh.” Justin said, looking around the club to see where Kerrigan and JC had wandered off to.

Traced followed Justin’s gaze already knowing who he was looking for.  “What’s up with you tonight, man?  Actually, what’s up with you lately?  You’ve been a lil’ overly concerned with Kerrigan and any guy she comes in contact with.”

Justin stared at Trace incredulously.  “Why wouldn’t I be concerned after what she’s been through.  You should be concerned too!”

“But this is JC we’re talking about.  We both know he’d never do anything like that to Kerrigan.  He would NEVER hurt her like that.”  Trace objected.

“So you think he’s interested in her?” Justin questioned.

Trace rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in the air in frustration.  “No, Justin.  I don’t think JC is interested in Kerrigan like that.  I think they’re two friends, hanging out and having a good time.  And there’s nothing wrong with that.  You need to have a drink and lighten up.”

“I’m just watching out for her!” Justin defended.

“But you don’t need to watch out for her when it comes to JC and you know that!” Trace said sternly, frustrated.  Then he looked at Justin again as if it had suddenly just hit him.  “Wait!” he said, grabbing Justin’s shoulder, turning him around.

“What?”

“You’re watching out for her alright.  But I think it’s more for your sake than hers.  Something you wanna tell me, J?” he questioned.

Justin seen the look in Trace’s eyes and could tell he knew what was going on but Justin was not ready to admit it.  Especially, to Trace because he knew if he did, he’d never hear the end of it.  “What are you talking about?”

“J, don’t play dumb with me, man.  I see right through you.  I know what’s going on in that fucked up head of yours and you’re jealous.  You don’t want JC to hook up with Kerrigan because you wanna hook up with her.”

“I DO NOT wanna hook up with Kerrigan.” Justin defended, somewhat outraged at Trace’s suggestion.  He made it sound cheap or something.

“I don’t mean hook up with her like that, dumbass.  You wanna be with Kerrigan.  You’re in love with her aren’t you?” Trace persisted.

“No.” Justin said simply, knowing if he tried to deny it further it would only give him away more.

“Don’t lie to me, J.  I can see it in your eyes.  You’re in love with her.  When did this happen and why the hell didn’t you tell me?” Trace demanded.

“I don’t love her.” Justin objected.  “I mean of course I love her, but not like that.”

“Justin, why are you even trying to lie to me?  You know I can read you like a book.  Just admit it.  I’m not gonna say anything, I swear.” Trace coaxed.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Justin….” Trace urged.

“I mean it.  I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

“Ugh!” Trace groaned, annoyed.  “Whatever.  I know you’re lying.  I don’t know why you won’t admit it to me but I know you’re lying.  You’re in love with her and it’s driving you insane that she’s giving all of her attention to JC.”

Justin merely shook his head and shrugged that he didn’t know what Trace was talking about, which further annoyed Trace.

Then he got an idea and had to fight back the smirk that was so badly trying to present itself on his face.  “Fine then you won’t care that I was wrong about JC then.” he shrugged.

Justin tensed up.  “What do you mean you were wrong?”

“Well, he’s kissing her right now, so I can only assume I was wrong about them just being friends.”

“WHAT!” Justin yelled, spinning around quickly to look for Kerrigan and JC.  When his eyes did find them, they were seated at a table and there was no possible way they even could have been kissing.  Not unless JC had leaned all the way across the damn thing.

Justin spun back around and glared at Trace, who only smirked at him in return.  “Don’t care, huh?” Trace chuckled.  “Keep telling yourself that and maybe, just maybe it’ll become believable.” he said before walking off, a plan of action in mind.
 
 
 

Chapter 52
 

Authors Note:  The song used in this chapter didn’t come out till last year but that’s ok.  This is fiction, right?  So just go with it! lol
 

Trace wandered around the club trying to set his plan in motion.  If Justin wasn’t going to speak up on his own and do something about his feelings for Kerrigan, then by God, Trace was going do it for him.  He’d been suspicious of Justin’s feeling for Kerrigan for a long time now and to finally have a confirmation, well it gave him something to work with.

Before he hadn’t been positive as to what was going on inside Justin’s head or heart for that matter.  He didn’t know if Justin was just paying more attention to her because he had finally taken a closer look and realized she was no longer a little girl and seen what a beautiful woman she had grown into.  Or if it was more.  But now he knew.  It was definitely more.

And Trace was glad.  He had been waiting on Justin to come to that realization for a long time.  He’d always sensed that Kerrigan had a thing for Justin.  It was rather obvious at times, but he never said anything because he knew Kerrigan would deny it to the end.  And there really was no sense in pushing something that wasn’t there on both sides.  But now that he knew it was, he was going to push.  And he was going to push hard.

They were perfect for one another.  They knew everything about each other.  They’d always been there for each other.  And when it came to the other they didn’t give a crap what anyone else thought about their friendship.  It just made sense that Justin and Kerrigan should be together.  And that’s what Trace was going to make happen.

Walking over to the DJ Trace spoke with him briefly before turning and seeking out Kerrigan.  She was still seated at the table across the room with JC.  A smile spread across Trace’s face as he watched Kerrigan laugh at something JC had said.  He knew if he wanted to be an ass he could really piss Justin off and make him insanely jealous using JC, but he wasn’t about to do that.  He didn’t want to give Justin anymore reasons than he was sure Justin had created for himself to not go after Kerrigan.

Trace was positive Justin had already been over this in his mind.  Before Cody stood in the way and now he was probably making up some other excuse for why he couldn’t express his feelings to her.  Trace knew Justin well and he knew that Justin would prolong it until he couldn’t prolong it any further.  But that wasn’t an option for Trace.  He didn’t want to take the chance of Kerrigan meeting someone else and possibly falling for someone else.  He wanted to see Justin and Kerrigan together.  He wanted to see them happy and he was sure that they would make each other happy.  They always had before.

Making his way across the room, Trace walked up to the table JC and Kerrigan were seated at and sat down beside Kerrigan in an empty chair.  Both JC and Kerrigan looked at him oddly when he just sat there and didn’t say anything.

“Something wrong, Trace?” JC asked.

“Oh, no.  Everything’s cool.  I just thought I’d come and sit with ya’ll for a minute.” he lied, mentally trying to figure out how he was going to work the rest of his plan.

“Where’s Becca?” Kerrigan asked, noticing she wasn’t with Trace.

“Oh, um last time I seen her she was talking to Alyssa about some guy they both apparently know.” he shrugged.

“Oh, I see.  You didn’t wanna hear about ex boyfriends, huh?” Kerrigan teased.

Trace merely shrugged not really paying much attention to what Kerrigan had said.  He had other things on his mind.  Like how the hell he was going to get Kerrigan and Justin on the floor together.

He sat there for a few minutes while Kerrigan and JC continued their conversation, thinking about the many ways he could trick them into dancing with each other, but he knew that they would see through it.  Or at least Justin would after the conversation they’d had earlier.

Looking around Trace noticed Justin sitting at a table alone just across the dance floor from them.  He was watching Kerrigan and JC closely and appeared to be deep in thought.  There were no doubts in Trace’s mind that he was probably analyzing everything that JC and Kerrigan were doing to determine if there really was something going on between them.  That at least put a smile on his face.

And then he thought about it.  Justin had been whining about not spending any time with Kerrigan tonight and he was now sitting all by himself.  Not seeing Alyssa anywhere Trace decided to just go the direct route.  Or at least the semi direct route.

“Hey, Kerr.” Trace said to get her attention.

“Yeah?”

“Why don’t you go ask J, to dance.  He looks all lonely over there by himself.” Trace nodded towards Justin’s direction and as soon as they looked over at him, Justin quickly looked a different way.

“Where’d Alyssa go?  I thought they were hangin’ together.” Kerrigan asked, looking around.

Trace looked around as well and then spotted her and smiled.  This was just too easy.  “Well, looks like she found someone else to hang out with.” he said pointing to where Alyssa was snuggled up with some dark haired guy on the dance floor.

“Damn.  Timberlake was dumped again.” JC joked.

“JC…” Kerrigan scolded.  “I told you earlier they’re just friends.”

“I was only playin’.” he smiled.

“Mmmm hmmm.” Kerrigan smirked then turned her attention back to Trace.  “So why should I ask him to dance?  If he wanted to dance he’d be dancing.  We both know J’s not shy.”

“Well, honestly he mentioned earlier he was a little bummed that he hadn’t gotten to hang out with you much tonight.  So I think you should just go over and talk to him.  Ask him to dance.  He’s supposed to be celebrating not pouting at a table.”

Kerrigan rolled her eyes at Trace but relented.  “Fine.  I’ll go ask him to dance.  Happy?” she asked as she got up.

Trace smiled.  “Extremely.”

Kerrigan gave him a dirty look, she could sense he was up to something but had no clue what it could be.

Turning her back to the guys she began to make her way across the room towards Justin.  As soon as she was gone, Trace turned towards the DJ, who had been watching him for his signal since their talk.  Trace gave him a thumbs up and the DJ nodded.

“What are you up to, Trace?” JC questioned suspiciously.

“Watch and find out.” he said, watching Kerrigan closely.

Kerrigan walked over to Justin and he looked up at her somewhat surprised.  “Oh, I see you remembered I was here.” he said half joking.

“Oh, don’t be like that.  You were busy earlier.  Come on, let’s go dance.”  she said grabbing his arm and pulling him up from his chair.

“What if I don’t wanna dance?” Justin argued half heartedly.  He had to at least give her a little bit of a hard time after ignoring him for JC all night.  Or at least that’s the way he saw it.

“Too bad.  You’re dancing.” she said, giving him another tug towards the dance floor.

Justin smiled to himself and followed her lead.  They were ready to break into some kind of friendly grind session to whatever the DJ was about to play next, since the song that was playing was just going off.  But they were both surprised when the slower beats leaked through the sound system.
 

Yeah baby

He told you he could be the man that I could never be
He has a way of making promises that he can't keep
He gets so angry when I try to point this out
And still it's you who's always calling me this late at night
I know you miss the way I used to hold your body tight
You needed me girl but you’d never say it

If you love him more just tell me so
(tell me so)
But do one thing for me before you go
 

Justin looked at Kerrigan questioningly.  “You still wanna dance?”

“This is fine.  What are you scared to be that close to me?” she teased.

“We’d have been closer the other way.” he smirked at her knowingly.

Kerrigan laughed, rolling her eyes at him.

Justin pulled Kerrigan to his chest wrapping his arms around her waist as she wrapped hers around his neck.  He smiled down at her before pulling her closer so her head rested on his shoulder and resting his chin on the top of her head.
 

Open your eyes

Girl if it's love
Why can't you sleep at night
Open your eyes
Why don't you tremble when he holds you tight
If it's the last thing that I ever do
Let me make this clear to you
Open up your eyes
Don't be blinded by his promises
Open your eyes
The one he says isn't who he is
There's more to us than you realize
So open your eyes

As Justin listened to the lyrics of the song he thought about his feelings for Kerrigan.  He wasn’t sure who sang the song, as he’d never heard it before, but he couldn’t help but think that the song fit them almost perfectly.

He thought back over the months of the past year.  From the time Kerrigan had met Cody and started dating him to the present.  How he’d been immediately jealous of the things that were going on between the two.  The way Cody had looked at Kerrigan and after they had gotten together the way he touched her.  It was how he had wanted to be with her, even if he never admitted it to himself he’d known then that he loved her.

He’d known then that she was the person he wanted to be with, but he had been scared.  And then things had happened so fast and before he knew it Kerrigan’s heart had been given to another.  And the whole time he had been praying she would just open her eyes and see that it was him that she belonged with.
 

I know our history is something that we can't ignore
Just give me half the chance I'll make it better than before
Worse thing I did was give you wings to fly away
And if it's yesterday that keeps your heart from coming home
Girl I apologize for all the things that I've done wrong
To lose your love would be a price too high to pay

He can't love you more than I do
Girl don't let his sweet lies blind you
 

Trace watched with eager eyes as Justin and Kerrigan continued to dance together.  He could see the thoughtful expression on Justin’s face and knew that he was thinking about things.  This song was perfect and Trace knew it.  If anything would help Justin realize where his heart lied and what he needed to do, he was sincerely hoping this would be it.

JC looked from Justin and Kerrigan to Trace.  You couldn’t miss the excited, eager look on Trace’s face.  The boy was up to something and it was obvious.  “Trace, what did you do?” he questioned.

“Shhhh.” Trace waved him off.  “Just watch.”
 

Open your eyes
Girl if it's love
Why can't you sleep at night
Open your eyes
Why don't you tremble when he holds you tight
If it's the last thing that I ever do
Let me make this clear to you
Open up your eyes
Don't be blinded by his promises
Open your eyes
The one he says isn't who he is
There's more to us than you realize
Just open your eyes

Kerrigan smiled to herself when she felt Justin’s hold tighten around her slightly.  She always felt so safe with him.  Even in her darkest moment of fear, he was always there and he always made her feel safe and loved.

She knew that the love she had felt for him for so long would never be returned in the same way, but just knowing that he did love her in some form was enough to get her through anything.  He was her rock.  Her foundation.  Her strength.

And as long as he was a part of her life she knew she would be able to make it through anything.  Regardless.
 

Oh no
Every night
I say a lonely prayer that you
Wake up and find
My love is waiting here
 

Justin’s heart was racing in his chest.  Just holding her in his arms was the most blissful thing he had ever experienced.  It was better than the feeling of hearing his song on the radio.  It was better than the rush of performing.  It was better than anything he had ever felt before.  Nothing could top holding Kerrigan in his arms.  Nothing at all.
 

Open your eyes
Yeah baby
If it's the last thing that I ever do
Let me make this clear to you
Open up your eyes
Don't be blinded by his promises
Open your eyes
The one he says isn't who he is
There's more to us than you realize
Open your eyes
Oh, open your eyes
Just open your eyes

As the final notes of the song played out through the speakers Justin pulled back from their embrace slightly.  Kerrigan looked up at him, a slight smile on her face and he was mesmerized.  She was so beautiful.

And not just in the physical way.  She was one of the most incredible people he’d ever known and that was a part of her beauty.  The way she looked at him with so much trust in her eyes after everything she had been through.  It was all so overwhelming and he could no longer fight the urge.

Leaning down Justin gently captured Kerrigan’s lips with his, kissing her.  Kissing her with every fiber of his heart and soul.  He loved her and at that particular moment he didn’t care who knew.

( “Open Your Eyes”  Nick Lachey )
 
 
 
 

Chapter 53

Justin pulled away from the kiss slowly, the realization of what he was doing hitting him full force.  He looked down and locked eyes with Kerrigan.  She looked confused.  Hurt even.  God, he had made a horrible mistake.  How could he do this to her after everything she had been through recently?

“Kerrigan, I am SO sorry.  I didn’t mean to kiss you like that.  I don’t know what I was thinking.” he quickly went to explain.

“Justin, wha…” Kerrigan began to question but was quickly cut off.

“I had too many drinks, Kerr.  God, I’m so sorry.  I could kill myself right now!  I’m really, really sorry.  I…I just had too many drinks….and….and listening to that song, well it made me think of Britney….and when I looked at you, I saw Britney.” he lied, immediately dreading the words that had so quickly slipped past his lips.

Kerrigan’s face fell further.  The mere mention of Britney’s name alone was bad enough, but for him to tell her that he kissed her because he thought she was Britney?  Kerrigan didn’t know if she should cry, scream or what she should do.  So many emotions were rushing through her at that moment that she couldn’t think straight.

Pulling away from Justin, Kerrigan tried to walk away.  She needed to be alone.  She needed some time to think.  She was thoroughly confused and her heart was shattering inside her chest.  For Justin to kiss her like that and then to say he thought she was Britney?

Justin quickly halted Kerrigan’s retreat however, grabbing her gently by her arm.  “No, Kerr.  Look at me.  Talk to me.” he pleaded, feeling horrible.  He had really fucked up.

“J, I just need to get some fresh air.” she said, pulling away from him.

Justin quickly followed when she walked away.  “Wait.  Kerrigan, I swear I didn’t mean to do that.  I’m so sorry.  Please don’t hate me.” he continued to plead, not knowing what else to do.

Kerrigan stopped, turning to Justin with a small smile on her face.  “Justin, I could never hate you.  Never.” she said as she ran her hand slowly across his cheek, then turning, walking away from him.

Justin stood there dumbfounded.  He didn’t know weather to go after her or to stay where he was.  And at the moment it didn’t really matter because his feet were pretty much stuck in place.  He couldn’t move if he wanted to.

When he looked into her eyes he saw something there but he had no clue what it was.  He was sure some of it was hurt, there was no mistaking that emotion in Kerrigan’s eyes.  He had seen it so much recently that it had become completely unmistakable to him.

But he saw something else and that was what he was unsure of.  He didn’t understand.  There was something else in her eyes and it killed him that he didn’t know what it was.  He was supposed to know her inside and out.  He was supposed to be able to read her like a book.  But in the one moment when he needed those abilities the most, he had failed.  And so now here he stood, watching her retreating back as she headed for the door of the club.  And he was completely lost on what to do.

Seeing what had happened Trace and JC had both jumped up and headed towards their friends.  By the time they reached them Kerrigan was already on her way out of the club and Justin was left standing there with a somber expression on his face.

“What was that all about?” JC questioned when he finally reach Justin.

“I kissed her.” Justin said simply.

“Yeah, we seen that.  I think the whole place seen that.” Trace stated, confused as to what was going on.

“Why’d you kiss her, J?” JC asked.

“Cause I love her.” Justin replied, looking to the floor.

Trace smiled to himself, hearing Justin admit his feelings out loud.  While JC’s eyebrows raised in surprise.  “You love her?” he questioned.

“Yeah.” Justin nodded.  “I love Kerrigan so I kissed her.  And then I told her I thought she was Britney.”

“YOU WHAT?” Trace exclaimed.  “Why the hell would you tell her something like that?”

“I panicked.  When I seen the look on her face I knew I had fucked up.  I shouldn’t have kissed her.  It’s too soon.  I promised myself I wouldn’t do this.  That I wouldn’t pursue her.  She’s been through too much.  But I just couldn’t help myself.  When I looked down at her after hearing that song I just had to kiss her, so I did.  And then the look on her face….and I….I couldn’t think of anything….and I…I just said the first thing that came to mind.” Justin stuttered, trying to explain.

“The first thing that came to your mind was that you thought she was Britney?  Are you completely insane?” Trace glared at him.

“Come on, Trace.  Calm down.  He obviously wasn’t thinking.” JC tried to intervene.

“Yeah, obviously not!” Trace retorted before heading off to find Kerrigan.

Justin turned and looked at JC.  “Man, I really fucked up.”

“I’m sure everything will be ok, J.  You’ve both been drinking and things just got out of hand.  Everything will be fine tomorrow.”

“No, C.  Things didn’t get out of hand.  I wanted to kiss her.  I’ve been wanting to kiss her for the longest time.  Since that night we all played truth or dare.” Justin paused.  “I kissed her a few weeks ago, ya know.  When we were in Virginia at a club with Pharrell and Chad.”

JC eyed him.  “What happened.”

Justin shrugged.  “She was upset.  Thinking about Cody and everything and I just got caught up in the moment because she was so upset and I just wanted to protect her.  I don’t know what made me kiss her then, but I did it.  But that was different.  I was able to explain that away.  I told her some bullshit about shutting her up and distracting her.  But tonight I really fucked up.  Kissing her again and then telling her that shit about Britney.”

“Why didn’t you just tell her the truth, J?  Why don’t you just tell her that you love her?” JC questioned.

“Because.  She’s not ready for that.  She’s been through too much shit, JC.  TOO MUCH SHIT!  And I cannot confuse her or take advantage of her in any way.  Besides, she doesn’t think of me like that.  And right now she’s lonely and vulnerable and if I tried to pursue her it wouldn’t be fair.  I just can’t do that to her.”

“Justin, you’re not going to know how she feels unless you ask her.  Don’t assume anything.  If you really love her the way you say you do and there’s a chance she feels the same you don’t want to let that opportunity pass you by.  You can’t risk that.”

“I just can’t do that.  Not right now.  Not when all her wounds are still so fresh.  Maybe later on down the road.  If she’s still talking to me then, but not now.”  Justin said, shaking his head.

“Well, nobody said you had to do it now.  And I seriously doubt that Kerrigan is going to quit talking to you over this.  She might be a little upset.  Probably fairly pissed at being compared to Britney, because you know how she hates the girl.  But I don’t think she’ll write you off because of one kiss.”

Justin looked up at JC.  “I told her not to hate me.” he paused.  “And she looked me dead in the eyes and told me she could never hate me.” he said solemnly.

“Well, see.  Everything will be fine.  Just give her some room to breath and maybe you guys can talk about it tomorrow.” JC suggested.

“Yeah, you’re right.  Tomorrow.” Justin nodded.

“Come on man.  Let’s got get you a drink.  You need something to calm your nerves.” JC chuckled.

Justin smiled at his friend.  “Yeah.” he said and followed JC towards the bar.

Meanwhile, Trace caught up with Kerrigan as she was headed for the entrance of the club.  “Where are you going?” he questioned, gently grabbing her by the arm.

Kerrigan sighed, she knew what Trace was there for.  He’d obviously seen what had happened and he was trying to play Mr. Fix It.  “I’m gonna go home, Trace.  I’m not feeling so good and I’m tried so I’m going home.”

“You can’t go home yet.  The party isn’t over.” he smiled, hoping to make her smile in return.  But it didn’t work.

“I know you saw what happened, Trace so don’t try to play like you didn’t.  I need to go home and think.  Clear my head.”

“You can clear your head here.” he stated.

“No I can’t.  There’s too many people and the music is too loud.  I just need to be alone for a while and calm down.”

“Are you pissed at him?” Trace asked.

“I’m not happy with him by any means.  He fucking said he mistook me for Britney.  I don’t look anything like Britney.  Unless he’s been hitting more than the bottle tonight.” she said angrily.

“Kerr….” Trace said.  “I’m sure he didn’t mean that.  He probably felt bad for what he did and used the first explanation that popped into his mind.”

“But BRITNEY?” she glared at him.

“Hey, don’t get mad at me.  I didn’t say it.” Trace said defensively.

“Look, Trace.  I don’t feel like playing games or arguing with you.  I’m going home and that’s final.  So just go back to the party and have a good time.  I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?” he asked.

She gave him a small smile.  “I’m sure, Trace.  I’m fine, I’m just a little pissed off at the moment and even more confused.  And I just need to be alone.  I’ll be fine.  If I need anything I’ll call the club, I have the number.  So just go back to the party and have a good time.  Besides, I’m sure Becca is probably wondering where the hell you ran off to.”

Trace nodded.  “Ok, fair enough.  Just call if you need anything.”

“I will.”

“You taking a taxi?”

“Yeah.” she nodded.

“Well, then I’ll walk you out and see you to the car then.” Trace said, taking her hand and leading her out of the club.

He flagged down a taxi and held the door open for Kerrigan as she got in.  “You sure you’re gonna be ok?”

“I’ll be fine, Trace.  Just go have fun.”

“Alright.  I’ll see ya when we get home then.  Or if not tonight in the morning.”

“OK.  See ya later.” she smiled.

Trace nodded and shut the door.  He watched Kerrigan give him a small wave as the Taxi drove off and then he retreated back into the club.
 

About twenty minutes later the taxi pulled up to Justin’s house and Kerrigan got out, paying the driver.  “Have a good night, ma’am.” he said.

“You too.” she smiled, shutting the door and heading for the house.

Kerrigan fished her keys out of her tiny purse and proceeded to unlock the door.  Once she was inside she relocked the door behind her and headed into the living room, setting her purse down on the table in the entry way.

The house was silent and she couldn’t ask for anything more.  She just needed some quiet time to herself to analyze what had happened at the club.  She was so confused.  That kiss had been ground shattering.  The emotions behind the kiss were what troubled her the most.

Kerrigan wasn’t sure if it was just her feelings coming through in the kiss or if it was something more.  She knew that she still cared about Justin.  That kiss had only reinforced that in her heart and mind, but there was more to it than that.

She wasn’t sure if it was just her hopeless imagination running away with her or if she had really felt what she thought she felt from Justin.  Love.  And if it was love, was it directed at her or was it really like he had said?  Did he really think for a moment that he was kissing Britney again?

There were so many thoughts running through her head that she couldn’t focus on just one.  The possibility that Justin could actually return her feelings was running rampant in her mind.  And as soon as she let herself get carried away with that idea, the whole Britney thing resurfaced.  And that only hurt her.  How could he think for even a moment that she was Britney?  She didn’t look anything like the girl.

It was all so confusing and Kerrigan didn’t know what to think.  She wanted so badly to believe that what she thought was love shining through that kiss really was love.  Justin’s possible love for her.  But there were just too many things that told her otherwise.  He didn’t care about her like that.  He never had and never would.  She was just Kerrigan.  She wasn’t anything special.  At least not in that sense.

Sighing in frustration, Kerrigan kicked her heals off and plopped down on the sofa.  It was going to be a long sleepless night and she knew it.  There was no way she was going to be able to sleep with all the thoughts that were running through her mind.

Hoping to distract herself she reached for the TV remote.  Maybe if she focused her attention on something else she would be able to drift off to sleep.  At least that was the plan.

She grabbed the remote from the table and turned towards the TV to flip it on.  The remote however fell to the floor when she saw who was standing in front of the TV.

“Hey, babe.” he said.

Kerrigan jumped to her feet and attempted to flee the room.  She screamed when she felt his hands grab her from behind, pulling her backwards.  “LET ME GO!  AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” she screamed at the top of her lungs, knowing that in reality no one would be able to hear her.

“Not this time, Kerrigan.  This time we’re going to talk.” Cody said, dragging her back into the room.
 
 
 

Chapter 54

“So she went home?” Justin questioned Trace for the third time.

“Yes, Justin.  She went home.  She said she was tired and she needed to be alone.  It’s fine.” Trace replied, thoroughly annoyed.

“Do you think maybe I should go talk to her?” Justin questioned, somewhat hopeful that they would give him permission to leave.  But he wasn’t that lucky.

“J, didn’t we already talk about this?” JC groaned.  “I told ya.  Let her be tonight.  You can talk to her about this tomorrow.  Give her some room to breath, man.”

“I agree with Jace.  Let it go for tonight.  Worry about it tomorrow.” Trace agreed.

Becca shook her head in dismay.  “I still can’t believe you kissed her and then told her you thought she was Britney.”

“You’re not helping!” Justin grumbled.

“I’m not trying to.” Becca retorted with a smirk.

“I’m going home to talk to her.” Justin said getting up from the table, but was quickly pulled back into his seat by both JC and Trace.

“No you’re not.  You’re staying here.  So just drink your beer and deal with it.” Trace told him.

“Ugh!” Justin groaned.  They were treating him like a child and he hated it.  But he knew they were right in the long run.  He did need to give her room.  He didn’t need to go to the house and confront her right now.  No that wouldn’t be good.  “Can I call her at least?” he questioned.

JC rolled his eyes.  “She’s probably not even back at the house yet.  Give it a half hour or so then if you STILL want to call her you can.  Just calm down, J.  Damn.”

“Well, I’m sorry that I’m concerned about my friend.” Justin snapped, angrily.

“We understand you’re concerned Justin, but you’re only going to make things worse by acting the way you are.  So just relax for a while.  Give yourself some time to mellow out and think about things before you go running off to the house or calling her.  You don’t want to put your foot in your mouth again.” Trace warned.

Justin sighed.  “Fine.  I’ll wait a while, a half hour or so.  But then I’m calling her.”

“Why are you doing this?” Kerrigan cried, trying desperately to pull away from Cody.

He was angry because she had ran off to California with Justin and it was the only thing she had heard about for the last few minutes.  How he had come across a tabloid with a picture of her, Justin and Trace happily roaming the streets of Hollywood together.  Him questioning her, demanding answers on why she left him.  Why she had just walked away from him.  Why she had said she never wanted to see him again or have anything to do with him.

When she had tried to explain all she had received in return was him yelling about how she was lying, along with several blows to her face.  She was now sprawled out on the floor, crying helplessly.  She didn’t know what to do.  There was no one around.  The neighbors wouldn’t hear her cries for help.  Everyone she could depend on was at Justin’s party and she had no way to reach any of them.

“Why am I doing this?  WHY AM I DOING THIS?” Cody yelled.  “Kerrigan, you belong to me!  Not Justin.  Not anyone else, but ME!”

“I belong to no one.” she objected.  “I’m not some object.  I’m a person, Cody.  Nobody owns me!”

“You see that’s where you’re wrong, babe.  You’ve been mine since the moment I laid eyes on you.  I knew when I first seen you that I was going to have you and I did.  I also knew that it wouldn’t go over well with Mr. Timberlake, but I could tell that if given the proper attention and care you wouldn’t listen to him and would fall into my arms.  And I was right.  The problem is that you do listen to him when it comes to certain things.  And you LIED to me when you told me you loved me.  The whole time I was just some stand in for him.”

“Well, let me tell you something my dear.  Justin Timberlake doesn’t love you.  Not the way I do.  Not now.  Not ever.  He’s just your friend and you’re stupid if you think that’ll ever change.  So you need to pack your shit up and come with me.  We’ll go back to Florida, we’ll go to the courts tell them it was a big misunderstanding and then we’ll go off somewhere where nobody can find us and we’ll be happy.  The way things should be.  We’ll create another baby together and be a family.  The way it was all supposed to be until that stupid mother fucker got involved.”

“Would you listen to yourself.  You’re insane!” Kerrigan yelled.  “None of this is Justin’s fault.  It’s yours!  You’re the one that beat me up.  YOU’RE THE ONE THAT KILLED OUR BABY!” she yelled, as she got to her feet.

Cody whirled around and punched her in the stomach, sending Kerrigan crumbling back to the floor.  “Don’t you ever say that again!  EVER!” he yelled.  “I did not kill our baby, Timberlake did!  If he would have just minded his own God damned business none of this ever would of happened.  But noooooo, he’s gotta be Mr. Friend.  Mr. Protector.  Let’s see how he likes it when he can’t find your ass.  When he never gets to see you again!”

Kerrigan gasped into the carpet.  The blow to her abdomen had rendered her breathless.  Her ribs were healed but they were still very tender from the last time he had done this to her.  And tonight it was as if he had completely lost his mind.  He refused to take the blame for anything and instead was turning it all around and putting it either on her or Justin.

“Cody, please.” she begged.

“Please what?” he questioned walking over to her and turning her over to her back with his foot.

“Please, just go.  Don’t do this.  Please.” she continued to plead, not knowing what else to do.

“No, Kerrigan.  I can’t do that.  I’m going to take you upstairs and you’re going to pack a bag and then we’re leaving.  We’re going to get as far away from all of these so called friends of yours as we can and then we’ll be able to get on with our lives.” he said, pulling her to her feet.

Kerrigan stumbled along side Cody as he lead her towards the hallway, but he stopped when the phone began to ring.  They both turned and stared at the phone.

Immediately thoughts began racing through Kerrigan’s mind on how she could get away from him and get to the phone so she could seek help.  But apparently Cody was able to read her thoughts, because his grip on her arm tightened dramatically and there was no way she was going to be able to break free from that hold.

Cody jerked her arm and began to walk towards the hallway again when the machine picked up.  Just hearing Justin, Trace and Kerrigan’s chipper voices on the message was enough to piss him off further and he just wanted to get the hell out of there.  But he stopped suddenly when he heard Justin’s voice poring through the machine.

“Kerrigan, are you there?” he paused, waiting on her to pick up the phone.  “I guess maybe you’re asleep already.  Or maybe you’re just pissed and don’t wanna talk to me right now.  Whatever the case may be I just want you to know I’m sorry.  Sorry for a lot of things.  I’m sorry I kissed you tonight, that was wrong of me.  But I’m even more sorry that I said it was because I thought you were Britney.  I didn’t mean that.  I was just scared and I didn’t know what I was doing and I just said the first thing that came to mind and I know that comparing you to Brit really hurt you and for that I’m truly sorry.  It’s just I don’t want you to be upset with me.  I love ya, Kerr.  You’re my friend and I fucked up tonight.  I shouldn’t have kissed you.  I apparently had one too many beers and that damn song just had me all screwed up and I don’t know.  I guess I don’t really have a valid excuse.  Just know that I’m sorry.  Hopefully, we can talk about this tomorrow and sort everything out.  I hope you’re ok.  I guess I’ll talk to you in the morning.  Bye.”

Cody stood there seething with anger.  Yanking Kerrigan around to look at her.  “He kissed you?” he demanded angrily.

“He didn’t mean…”

Cody cut her off.  “He fucking kissed you?”

Kerrigan struggled to get free, but it was no use.  Cody’s grip was far too tight and she wasn’t going anywhere.  “You heard what he said.  He didn’t mean it.” she said, still struggling against him.

“Yeah, that’s right.  He didn’t mean it.  You’re not that lucky.” Cody sneered.  “I can see that hopeful look in your eyes.  You really thought he loved you back didn’t you?” he questioned.

“Cody, let me go.” she demanded.

He shook his head no, his anger growing at the mere thought of Justin kissing his girlfriend.  “You enjoyed it didn’t you?  Him kissing you?” he pushed.

“Shut up.” Kerrigan said, again attempting to jerk away from him.

“DIDN’T YOU?!” Cody demanded.

Tears began to pour down Kerrigan’s face again.  This was hopeless.  She remembered far too well what had happened the last time he was this angry.  And from the look in his eyes after hearing Justin’s words on the machine he was by far angrier than she had ever seen him before.  There was no way she was going to get out of this.  No way at all.

But this time she wasn’t going to go down without giving it her all.  This time she was NOT going to let him do the things he had done to her in the past without at least a fight.  She knew she had nothing on him.  He was double times her size and triple times her power, but she would fight.  She would fight with everything she had in her, because she just knew that if she didn’t get away from him he was going to kill her.  There was something in his eyes that told her if he couldn’t have her, no one else would.  And she was not going to let him kill her without a fight.  She was going to at least make Justin proud in this moment.  That way she could at least die knowing that she hadn’t disappointed him again.

“YES!” she finally yelled back at Cody.  “I did enjoy it.  His kiss was everything yours never were and NEVER could be!”

Angrily Cody jerked Kerrigan around and threw her across the room into a glass table that sat perched behind one of the leather sofas.  The glass gave way under the weight of Kerrigan’s body, cutting her back as she fell to the floor in the pile of broken glass.

“TAKE IT BACK!” Cody yelled, walking over to her limp body.  “TAKE IT BACK!” he yelled again when she didn’t respond, kicking her repeatedly.  “FUCKING TAKE IT BACK!”

“No.” Kerrigan’s weak voice came from the floor.  “You’re an awful person Cody and I hate you.”

Grabbing Kerrigan up by her hair, Cody threw her across the room again, into a wall.  Her body flinging against it forcefully, then sliding to the floor.  “You will take it back, Kerrigan.  You love me.  And I love you.  And you stand no chance in hell with Timberlake.  So give it up now.”

“Fuck you.” she mumbled from the floor.

Cody reach down and pulled her to a standing position in front of him.  “What did you say to me?” he demanded.

“I said FUCK YOU!” she yelled, reaching up and scratching him has forcefully as she could down the sides of his face.

Cody yelled out in pain and let her go grabbing his face.  Kerrigan ran for the front door, but it was locked.  Fumbling with the lock she had just managed to unlock it when Cody grabbed her from behind dragging her up the stairs by her hair.  “Oh no you don’t.” he said, yanking her hair when she tried to hold onto the banister.  “We’re getting that bag and we’re getting the hell out of here.”

Kerrigan began kicking and screaming with everything she had in her.  He may get his way in the end but she was going to  make him work for it.  She was not going to go along willingly.

When they reached the top of the stairs, Cody threw her up against a wall.  “Stop fighting me!” he demanded.  “You know you’re no match for me.  You’re weak, Kerrigan.”

Kerrigan struggled again to get free, attempting to make him lose his balance and fall backwards down the stairs, not caring if he took her with him or not.  But it didn’t work.  He merely smirked at her attempts and yanked her around and began to lead her down the hallway.  Opening each door and looking inside to see which room was hers.

When he finally found her room, he threw her inside, closing and locking the door behind them.  “Get your shit.” he demanded, but Kerrigan merely sat in her spot on the floor refusing to move.  “I SAID GET YOUR SHIT!” he yelled, walking over and grabbing her up, shoving her towards the closet.

Kerrigan shoved him back, trying to get free.  “NO!” she yelled, continuing to fight him.

“Damn it, Kerrigan!” he growled, hitting her forcefully across her face, knocking her to the floor.  “STOP FIGHTING ME!”

Tears once again began to roll down her cheeks.  She was growing tired and didn’t know how much longer she could continue to fight him.  Her body ached from the abuse he had rendered and her mind was slowly shutting down.  She just wanted to give up, but she couldn’t.  She would fight him until she could fight him no longer.  She already knew what the outcome would be, there was no doubt in her mind about that.  There was no way she was going to get away from him.  But she would try.  She would go down fighting.  She would make Justin proud.  And that was the only thing she could concentrate on right now.  If nothing else, as long as she made him proud and didn’t go down without a fight, then in the end it would be worth it.
 
 
 

Chapter 55

Justin sat at the table, staring at his half empty beer bottle, completely tuning out the conversation that was going on around him.  He just couldn’t focus.  After trying to call Kerrigan and getting the answering machine a knowing feeling had come over him.  Something wasn’t right.  Even if she were angry with him she would answer the phone.  And there was no possible way she could be asleep.

She had left the club because she was upset and Justin knew Kerrigan well enough to know that she didn’t sleep when she was upset.  She would be undoubtedly trying to distract herself with something.  Or at least sitting there lost in thought.  But there was no way she was sleeping.  Which meant she should have answered the phone.

Trace and JC of course had brushed off his concerns telling him he was only making up excuses to go home so he could talk to her, but Justin knew something wasn’t right.  He could feel it in the pit of his stomach.  And the last time he had ignored that feeling Kerrigan had gotten hurt.

Standing up, it was decided.  He was going home to check on her.  Something wasn’t right and he didn’t care what Trace or JC said.  If he got there and she was asleep fine, then he would just have to deal with them lecturing him.  But he was not about to ignore that gut feeling this time around.  No this time he was going to do something about it.

“Where are you going?” Trace asked, when Justin got up from the table.

“Home.” he said simply, grabbing his jacket.

“J, we’ve been over this.” Trace groaned.

“Yeah, we have.  And I told you, something’s not right and I’m going home to check on her.  If I’m wrong, then I’m wrong.  But I’d rather be safe than sorry this time around.”

“What do you think could be wrong, Justin?  She’s at the house.  Probably sleeping.  You’re just being paranoid.” JC shook his head.

“Call me whatever you want, I don’t care.  But I’m going home.  I’ll see you guys later,” he said, heading off towards the exit.

Trace groaned and looked at Becca.  “Let’s go.” she said, knowing Trace wanted to be there in case world war three were to break out between Kerrigan and Justin.

Trace nodded and got up.  “I guess we’ll see ya later, C.”

“Call me tomorrow and let me know what happened.” JC smiled.  He had known from the beginning they wouldn’t be able to sway Justin for long.  If he got an idea in his head, then he was going to do it, no matter what.

“Will do.” Trace said, giving him a manly hug before walking off with his girlfriend.

Once outside they caught up with Justin.  “Yo, J.  Wait up.” Trace called.

“I’m leaving Trace and you’re not stopping me.” Justin growled.

“I’m not trying to stop you.  We’re leaving too.”

“Oh.” Justin nodded.

“I’m just gonna take Becca home, then I’ll be there right behind you.  Ok?” Trace said as he flagged down a taxi for him and his girlfriend.

“Yeah.  Fine.  I’ll see you at home.” Justin said, climbing into the SUV that had been pulled around for him.

The ride back to the house seemed to take forever.  Traffic was unusually heavy for that time of night on a weekday, but when they finally reached the house, Justin was relieved.  At least it was still standing.  So he could rule out some horrific fire or something.

“Want me to see you in?” Mike asked from the driver’s seat.

“Nah, I can make it on my own.” Justin chuckled at his bodyguard.

“Alright, well I guess I’ll see ya tomorrow or whenever.” Mike smiled as Justin climbed out.

“Alright.  Later.” he said, shutting the car door and walking up to the house.  He dug the keys out of his pocket and fumbled through them trying to find the right house key when he heard a thump inside the house.  And it wasn’t just any thump, it was a loud thump.

Justin stared at the front door for a moment, listening for further noise, but heard nothing.  He found the correct key and went to unlock the door but found it was already unlocked.  That struck him as really odd.  Kerrigan never left the door unlocked, even when the guys were there with her.  They all locked the door, just in case some deranged fan or someone should happen to get past his security gates.

Justin opened the door slowly and peeked his head inside, immediately knowing something was wrong when he could see straight into the living room and see the broken glass.  He shoved the door open and rushed into the house without a second thought.

Running into the living room he looked around for Kerrigan, but the only thing he found was the crushed glass table with speckles of flood on the floor.  Turning around to survey the room Justin then noticed the blood smears against the wall and his heart began to race.  Blood.  Kerrigan was hurt.  “Kerrigan?” he called out, hearing no response.  “KERRIGAN!” he called out again rushing into the kitchen, looking for any signs of her.

Justin was beginning to panic.  Where the hell was she?  She was hurt, there was blood, and she couldn’t have gotten that far.

Rushing back down the entryway, Justin jumped back when Mike came barging through the front door.  “I saw the way you came in the house.  What’s the hell’s going….” Mike trailed off when he looked past Justin and saw how the living room was torn apart.  “Where’s Kerrigan?  Didn’t she come home a couple hours ago?” Mike questioned, growing worried.

But Justin didn’t get the chance to respond.  Suddenly there was a loud scream from upstairs followed by another thumb.

Justin’s eyes grew large and he shoved past Mike racing up the stairs, Mike hot on his heels.  “Justin, hold up.  Let me check it out.  JUSTIN!” Mike yelled, when Justin ignored him and continued up the steps and down the hallway.  “Damn that boy!”

Justin reached Kerrigan’s room and attempted to open the door but it was locked so he began banging on the door.  “KERRIGAN!  Kerrigan, are you all right?” he yelled through the door.

Kerrigan’s head shot up from the floor and she looked at the door.  Justin was there, oh God thank you, Justin was there, she thought.

Cody walked over to her and grabbed her by her hair, pulling her across the room as she whimpered from the pain.

In the last half hour he had beaten her beyond belief when she refused to pack her suitcase or do anything he had told her to do.  She had managed to get in a few blows to him as well.  Scratching him with her fingernails and cutting him with a piece of glass she had pulled from her back when he wasn’t looking.  But her efforts hadn’t been enough.  He was like some super human force; he just kept going no matter what she did.

“KERRIGAN?” Justin called out again when he didn’t receive an answer.  “Are you ok?  Kerrigan, open the door!”

“She’s just fine, Justin.  You can go away now!” Cody called back.

Justin froze at the sound of Cody’s voice; all color draining from his face.  He turned and looked at Mike who was beside him.  Mike motioned for Justin to move away from the door so he could handle things, but Justin refused.

Turning his attention back to the door he began once again to bang on the door.  “Open this fucking door, Cody.  RIGHT NOW!  OPEN THE DOOR!” he demanded.

Cody laughed.  “Go away, Justin.  We’re just gathering up Kerrigan’s stuff and then we’ll be gone.  No need to worry.”

Kerrigan whimpered when Cody’s grip on her hair tightened.  “Please, Cody.  Just leave.” she begged, wanting the whole ordeal to be over with.

“I’m not leaving without you, babe.  And now that Mr. Timberfuck is here that could be a problem.  Good thing I brought this with me.” he said, pulling a gun from the inside pocket of his jacket.

Tears began to pour heavily down Kerrigan’s cheeks.  “Cody, no.  Please!” she begged.  “Put that away.  I’ll do whatever you want, just put that away.  Please!”

“Don’t worry babe, I don’t have any intentions of using it unless I have to.” Cody smiled down at her.

Kerrigan sobbed, this had gotten way out of hand.  He had a fucking gun and he could seriously hurt if not kill Justin and there was no way she could let that happen.  “Please Cody.  Just tell me what to do.” she pleaded.

“Tell him to go away.  Tell him you’re leaving with me.  That you love me.  Tell him to leave us alone.” Cody instructed.

Kerrigan nodded.  Sobbing softly she turned towards the door.  “J, just go away.  Everything’s fi….” she started but was cut off by Justin’s banging on the door again.

“The hell it is, Kerrigan.  Open this fucking door right now you mother fucker.  I’m going to kill you.  I told you to stay the hell away from her!” Justin yelled through the door.

The banging stopped and Kerrigan thought for a moment that he had given up, but no sooner did that thought cross her mind, did the distinct sound of Justin kicking the door started in.  “OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR!” Justin yelled.

Kerrigan could see the hinges on the door starting to give way with each kick and she knew as soon as he came through that door Cody was going to shoot him.  He already had the gun aimed directly at the door.

Her heart was racing and she was scared to death.  She didn’t know what to do.  Seeing the door begin to give way further, Kerrigan did the only thing she could think to do.  “JUSTIN HE’S GOT A GUN!” she screamed, just as the door gave way.

Cody fired as soon as the door flung open and Kerrigan screamed.  Mike quickly shoved Justin out of the way, being struck in the back by the bullet.

Cody turned around to Kerrigan yanking her up by her hair.  “You dumb bitch.  What the hell were you thinking?” he growled, hitting her across her face, sending her to the floor once again.

“YOU FUCKING BASTARD!” Justin yelled, tackling Cody from behind.

Kerrigan crawled over to the wall to get away from the brawling men.  She was scared to death.  She knew Cody still had the gun and didn’t want Justin to get shot but she didn’t know what to do.  She was frozen in fear as she watched the two men rolling around on the floor.

Never in all her life had she ever seen Justin as angry as he was.  He continued to punch Cody repeatedly every time he got the upper hand and then struggled to fight Cody off when Cody would somehow manage to role them over.

Seeing Cody raise the gun and point it towards Justin’s head as Justin tried to restrain his arms pushed Kerrigan into action.  She screamed for Justin to watch out and watched in horror as Justin jerked the gun off to the side just as it went off, firing over Justin’s shoulder.

Kerrigan scrambled to her feet and looked around for anything she could use as weapon.  Seeing her childhood baseball bat sticking out from under her bed she rushed over and picked it up.  Turning around, bat in hand, Kerrigan saw that Cody had somehow managed to role him and Justin over again and he was hovering over Justin, his back to Kerrigan, trying to point the gun at Justin once again.

Kerrigan rushed over and with every last bit of strength she had she hit Cody across his back with the bat.

Cody buckled from the blow, falling on top of Justin, the gun slipping from his hand.  Justin pushed Cody up off of him and got to his feet, kicking the gun away from Cody so he couldn’t reach it.

He rushed to Kerrigan’s side.  “Oh my God, are you ok?” he asked, looking her over.

Kerrigan slumped to the floor in tears.  “I thought he was going to kill you.” she cried.

“Sweetie, it’s ok.  I’m ok.” Justin tried to reassure her, pulling her into a tight hug.

“But he….he coulda…coulda…” she tried to get out.

“Shhhh.  I’m ok, Kerr.  We’re both ok.  Everything’s ok.” Justin said, trying to comfort her.

Justin didn’t know what to do.  She was shaking uncontrollably in his arms.  Looking down at his hands he saw blood and quickly pulled away from her.  Turning her around he pulled up her shirt to inspect her back.  “Oh my God.” he said, seeing all the glass fragments embedded in her back, along with all the blood.  “I’m going to get a towel.” he said rushing off towards the bathroom behind her.  Not another thought in his mind, the only important thing being to take care of Kerrigan.

Kerrigan started to go after Justin, but then she noticed Cody move, attempting to get up.  She rushed over to the gun, because it was closer than the bat and picked it up, pointing it directly at Cody.  “Stay where you are Cody.” she warned.

He looked over at her and merely smiled.  “You wouldn’t shoot me, babe.  You love me, remember?”

“I don’t love you, I hate you.” she mumbled.

“I bet you don’t even know how to shoot a gun.” Cody grinned as he got to his feet.  “Just give it to me, Kerr and I’ll spare lover boy.” he said, holding his hand out.

Without thinking Kerrigan pulled the trigger on the gun.  The shot rang out through the house, Justin rushed back into the room to find Kerrigan standing there, trembling as she pointed the gun at Cody.

Cody smiled.  “You missed.”

Justin slowly approached Kerrigan from behind as to not startle her.  “Kerrigan.” he said softly once he was within reach of her.  “Give me the gun, sweetie.” he instructed.

Kerrigan turned to look over her shoulder at Justin.  She nodded and handed him the gun.

“Thank you, sweetie.” Justin said, as he pulled her to his chest, wrapping one arm around her as he held the other pointed at Cody.  “The cops are on their way, just so you know.” he told him.

Cody scoffed.  “I don’t give a shit.  They’ll put me in jail, but when I get out we’ll be right back at square one again.  She belongs to me, Justin.  She’s mine.  And if I can’t have her, nobody can.”

Justin glared at him.  “She belongs to no one.  Least of all you.  And like I’ve told you before, if you ever come anywhere near her again, I’ll kill you.”

“You’ll kill me, huh?  Well, you got a gun in your hand right now.  Why don’t you go ahead and do that?  Cause I promise you I’ll be back.”

Just then Trace rushed into the room, drawing Justin’s attention from Cody.  “What the hell…whoa!” he yelled, holding his hands up in the air when he seen Justin pointing the gun at him.  He had automatically moved the gun towards the door when Trace came barging in.

And that was the only chance Cody needed.  He rushed forward towards Justin and Kerrigan.  “J, WATCH OUT!” Trace yelled.

Justin looked back at Cody and all he could see was him rushing towards him.  Without thinking he pushed Kerrigan off to the side and held the gun up and fired.
 

Chapter 56

Cody stopped in mid step, clutching his chest.  Justin had shot him.

Holding his chest, Cody looked at Justin and then over to Kerrigan whom had slumped to the floor when Justin pushed her away.  Stumbling towards Kerrigan, Cody reached out one hand to her.  “Kerrigan…” he mumbled.

“Stay away from her.” Justin growled, moving to Kerrigan’s side.  But Cody kept coming.  “Stay where you are.” Justin repeated pointing the gun at him, but still Cody kept coming.

Justin heard Kerrigan’s sobs and he kneeled down beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder pulling her to his chest.  “Damn it, get back!” Justin yelled at Cody when he was merely a couple feet in front of them.

“Kerrigan…” Cody said again reaching out for her.

Determined to keep him from getting near her or touching her in any way, Justin fired the gun again, striking Cody again in the chest.  This time however, he fell forward to the floor with a thud.

Justin trembled at the thought of what he’d just done, the gun falling to the floor from his hand.  Kerrigan’s sobs grew louder and Justin immediately turned his attention to her.  Wrapping both arms around her tightly.  “Shhhh.  It’s all over, Kerr.  He can’t hurt you anymore.” Justin whispered into her hair, gently rocking her back and forth.

Trace stood against the wall staring on in shock.  Justin had just shot someone.  Twice.  He didn’t know what to do.  Looking over at Justin and Kerrigan curled up together, rocking back and forth, Trace turned his attention back to Mike in the hall.

Mike had been the first thing Trace had seen upon entering the hallway.  When he’d gotten to the house he had heard yelling coming from upstairs so he’d rushed up the stairs, only to find Mike laying, bleeding in the hallway a few feet before the door.

He had checked on him to make sure he was ok and Mike had told him he was, but that he needed to check on Justin and Kerrigan because he didn’t know what was going in the room.  And that was when Trace had barged into the room, nearly scaring himself half to death seeing Justin holding a gun.

“Mike, the paramedics are on the way.  Just hang in there man.” he told him.

“I’m fine, Trace.  What happened in there?  Is J and Kerrigan ok?” he questioned.

“They’re fine.  Well as fine as they can be, I guess.”

Mike nodded, laying his head back on the floor.  “Go be with them.  I’m fine man, I just can’t move right now.”

Trace nodded and went back into the bedroom, carefully walking around Cody’s body over to Kerrigan and Justin.  “Are you two ok?” he asked, kneeling down beside them.

Kerrigan was crying uncontrollably, but Justin looked up at Trace, a single tear rolling down his cheek.  “I think I killed him.” he said.

“You had to J, he was trying to hurt you and Kerrigan.  It was self defense.” Trace stated, hoping to make Justin feel a little better.  He couldn’t imagine the things that were going through his mind at that moment.  To know you had taken another persons life had to be a terrible burden to carry no matter what the circumstances were.

“We need to check him.  See if he’s alive or dead.” Justin informed Trace.

Trace sighed, he knew that was his queue.  Justin was too wrapped up in comforting Kerrigan to move so Trace knew he’d be the one that would have to check on Cody.

Getting back to his feet, Trace walked the few steps necessary to get to Cody’s body and then kneeled down beside him.  He reached his hand out and felt Cody’s neck for a pulse.  There was none, he was dead.

Trace said a silent prayer for God to give him and his friends strength before looking over to meet Justin’s eyes.  He shook his head at Justin, indicating that Cody was in fact dead and Justin’s head lowered, tightening his hold on Kerrigan.

Trace went back over to his friends and sat down beside them.  “The cops are on their way.  Mike said he had already called them.”

“Yeah, I know.” Justin said, looking over at Trace.  “I just wish they would have gotten here a little sooner.”

Trace nodded.  “I understand, J.  But who’s to say things would have been any different if they had.  Hell, things could have been worse.”

“They’re going to arrest me.” Justin said without thinking.  “They’re going to take me to jail for murder.”

“Justin.  It’s not murder.  At least not like intentional murder.  It was self defense, they can’t convict you of murder for self defense.” Trace argued.  He could understand Justin being scared but this was no time to freak out and start imagining the worst scenario.

Kerrigan looked up at her friends.  “This is my fault.  Justin’s going to go to jail and it’s all my fault.” she cried, feeling horrible.  It seemed no matter what she did she couldn’t win for losing.

“Kerrigan, don’t say that.  This is NOT your fault.  He was attacking you.  Trying to take you away.  I would do this all over again to protect you and I wouldn’t think twice about it.  Do NOT blame yourself because it isn’t your fault.” Justin scolded her.  He in no way wanted her to feel anymore guilty than she already did.  She had way too much guilt on her conscious for one person to handle without adding anymore to it.

“J’s, right Kerr.  This isn’t your fault.  He was fucking crazy, you cannot blame yourself for the things he did.” Trace agreed.

“But Justin’s going to go to jail.  Do you know what this is going to do to his career?  It’s going to ruin it.  And all because of me!  Why did you have to come home early?  Why couldn’t you have just stayed at the party?” she demanded, growing frustrated.

“Kerrigan, stop it.” Justin said sternly.  “This isn’t going to get us anywhere.  Don’t worry about me.  As long as you’re safe and ok then I don’t give a shit what happens to me.” he told her, pushing a few strands of hair that were hanging in her face, behind her ear.

Kerrigan looked up, meeting Justin’s eyes.  She could see that he meant what he said, but that simply wouldn’t do for her.  He was her Best Friend.  She loved him with all of her heart and soul and there was no way in hell she could let him go to jail because of her.  Because he was looking out for her and trying to protect her.

“I don’t want you to go to jail.” she cried, pulling him into a hug.

Justin squeezed Kerrigan to him, stroking her back soothingly, while looking over her shoulder at Trace’s solemn expression.  “It’ll be ok, Kerr.  You heard what Trace said.  They can’t convict me for self defense.  It’s all going to be ok.”

Kerrigan pulled back from Justin’s embrace and pulled away from her two friends, getting to her feet.  She began pacing the room, as she rubbed both hands over her face forcefully, hoping that by some miracle she could just make it all go away.

“Kerr, what are you doing?” Trace questioned as he watched her walk towards Cody’s body.

She bent down next to him and reached out to check for a pulse.  She needed to be sure for herself that he was really dead.  That he couldn’t hurt her or her friends anymore.

Not finding a pulse either, Kerrigan stood back up and began pacing again.  She could hear the distance sounds of sirens and knew that the police would be there momentarily.  Her brain was racing over the events of the evening.  From Justin’s party to coming home and being attacked by Cody.  To mere minutes before when Justin had fired the gun to protect her.  To protect HER, she thought.

Looking over at Justin she noticed that both he and Trace were watching her closely, trying to figure out what she was doing.  She diverted her eyes from theirs and began looking around the room.  She saw the gun laying on the floor a few feet away from Justin.

Quickly before either of the guys could stop her she rushed over and picked up the gun.

“Kerrigan, what the hell are you doing?” Justin demanded, getting to his feet.  Trace doing the same.

“I’m gonna tell them I shot him.” she said, walking into the bathroom with the gun.

“WHAT?” Justin yelled, following her into the bathroom.

Kerrigan turned around with the gun in one hand and a towel in the other.  “I’m going to tell them I shot him.” she said.

“Kerrigan, give me the gun.” Justin demanded.

“No.”

“Give me the gun.” he repeated.

“No!” she said firmly.  “I’m not going to let you go to jail over me, Justin.  You were protecting me and now I’m protecting you.” she said walking past him, wiping the gun down with the towel.

“What are you doing?” Trace questioned, eyeing her closely.  When she had picked the gun up for the quickest moment he had thought she was going to try to kill herself or something crazy like that.  But now he was completely lost.

“I’m wiping the gun down so Justin’s prints aren’t on it.  The only people that saw him shoot Cody was me, you and himself.  But you two are going to tell the cops I did it.  I shot him in self defense.  Do you understand me?” she said, looking from Trace to Justin.  And they simply stared at her in disbelief.

Kerrigan knelt down beside Cody after thoroughly wiping the gun down.  She placed the gun in his hands to get his finger prints on it again and then took the gun back in her hands.

“Kerrigan, this is insane!” Justin said, trying to take the gun away from her.

She quickly jerked it back so that Justin couldn’t touch it.  “I just wiped your damn finger prints off of it.  Don’t get more on it!” she scolded him.

“Kerrigan, please give me the gun.  You don’t know what the hell you’re doing.” Justin pleaded with her.

“Yes, I do.  I’m perfectly aware of what I’m doing.  I’m protecting my friend, just like he was protecting me.  Justin, you cannot get taken to jail for this.  It’ll ruin your career.  I’m not going to let that happen.  Just play along with me.  I shot him, they’ll never know the difference.  Please.  If what Trace says is true, then I’ll be fine.  But at least it’ll be me in the papers and not you.”

Trace sighed.  “J, I hate to admit it but she’s right.”

Justin turned to Trace and glared at him.  “The hell she is!  I’m not going to let them take her to jail for something I DID!” he barked.

“You don’t have a choice, Justin.  When the cops get up here and I can hear them downstairs now, but when they get up here, I’m going to tell them I did it and you’re going to go along with it.  If you love me and our friendship means anything to you, you’ll go along with it.  I’ll be fine.  I’m doing this to protect you, please don’t fight me on it.”

“But Kerrigan…” Justin started to protest.

“They’re coming.” she said, hearing the noise on the stairs.  She quickly tossed the gun on the floor and looked at Justin.  “Please, Justin.”

“Ugh!” he groaned running a hand over his face and into his hair.  “Fine.  Whatever.  But if things get…” and he was cut off when the cops barged through the door.

Justin never got the chance to finish what he was about to say to Kerrigan, because the moment the cops entered the room all hell broke loose.

They were immediately bombarded with questions as to what had happened.  And as Kerrigan said she was going to, she spoke up and told the police that she had shot him in self defense.  That he had attacked her and pulled a gun when Justin was trying to get into the room.  That Justin and Cody had fought and she had hit Cody with the baseball bat and the gun had gotten dropped to the floor.

She basically told them everything that had happened word for word, detail for detail, with the exception of the part of who had actually shot and killed Cody.
 
 

Chapter 57
 

Justin and Trace stood in the drive way and watched as Kerrigan was loaded into the back of an ambulance and then it slowly pulled away.  She would be taken to the hospital to be checked out before being taken to the station for further questioning.

Meanwhile, Justin was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  It was everything he could do to restrain himself from yelling out that he had actually shot Cody.  He had attempted to speak up a few times, but had been silenced by either Kerrigan or Trace.

And the fact that they had no idea what was going to happen to Kerrigan only made things worse for him.  He was fighting an internal battle.  Could he really let her take the blame for something he had done, just to protect his career?

He knew Kerrigan was right.  If word got out that he had actually been the one to shoot Cody, that could quite possibly ruin his career.  But Justin also knew he was going to be linked to this story anyway.  People knew who Kerrigan was.  They knew she was one of his best friends, that he had grown up with her.  And there was no way he was going to avoid her and whatever was going to happen next.  So he didn’t really see the point in lying about it.  He was still involved no matter how you looked at it.

Turning to Trace Justin cleared his throat.  “I can’t do this, Trace.  I can’t let her take the blame for something I did.”

“J, don’t be stupid.  We’re already in too deep.  If we changed our stories now it would make them suspicious and cause more problems.”

“Trace, they’re taking her to jail.  Kerrigan.  Our Kerrigan.  They’re taking her to jail for something I DID!”

“Would you lower your voice!“ Trace warned.  “Besides, they’re taking her down for questioning.  They never said they were going to keep her.”

Justin threw his hands up in the air and began pacing.  “I don’t understand how you can be so calm about this.  We don’t know what’s going to happen to her.  We don’t know anything!  And we’re just standing here.  Letting her take the blame for something I did.”

“I’m calm because somebody needs to be.  You clearly aren’t.  And this was Kerrigan’s idea, J.  She wants to do this, so you should let her.” he paused.  “I mean who in their right might would prosecute her.  LOOK AT HER!  You’ve seen the shit he’s done to her.  It’s on record in Florida.  He wasn’t even supposed to leave Florida.  Everything points to Cody being in the wrong.  You need to have a little faith man, everything’s going to work out.”

“Well, I’m sorry if it’s a little hard for me to be optimistic right now.  I just killed a man and let the cops take my friend away for doing it.” Justin said, shaking his head in annoyance.

“Look Justin, I know you’re upset.  I’m upset too.  But Kerrigan’s doing this to protect you.  You protected her, now let her return the favor.  I know it’s hard on your conscious.  Hell, it’s hard on mine.  But the simple fact of the matter is that Cody’s dead.  And someone’s gotta take the blame for it.  And even though I hate to say it, it’s better that Kerrigan does.  He’s beat her.  He’s done awful things to her.  She’s got a much better chance at getting off from this.  You on the other hand, all you can say is you were protecting her.  This is the smart thing to do.  So stop fighting yourself about it.”

“I just….” Justin started to protest but Trace cut him off.

“Seriously, J.  This is what she wants.  She feels like she owes you.  You know she already feels guilty as it is, don’t make her feel any worse.  In the long run this is better for everyone.  You won’t go to jail and Kerrigan can clear her conscious a little bit.”

Justin sighed and looked around the driveway.  He still didn’t feel secure in what they were doing, but Trace was right.  This is what Kerrigan wanted and Justin knew that if he went against her it would only make matters worse.  She would feel extremely guilty and God only knew what that would do to her.  She was already dealing with so much and if he could relieve any of that burden then he would do it.  Even if that meant going along with her ridiculous plan.

Looking back to meet Trace’s eyes, Justin nodded his agreement.  He didn’t speak, he only nodded.  Because at the moment he just couldn’t form any words.

Trace reached out and grasped Justin’s shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze.  “Now that we’ve got that settled, why don’t we head over to the hospital and check on Kerrigan.  We should also call your Attorney and get him to meet us down at the station.  So she has all the legal council she needs.”

“Oh, she’ll have the best legal council.  You can count on that.”
 

( A few hours later at the hospital )

Justin and Trace sat in the hallway of the hospital awaiting word on what was going on.  They’d been there for a few hours.  Doctors, as well as Detectives had been in and out of Kerrigan’s room several times.  While Justin and Trace were refused admittance, being told that Kerrigan was in custody and they weren’t permitted to see her.

The Police however had allowed Justin’s Attorney into the room, seeing as he was her legal council and it was driving both Trace and Justin crazy not knowing what was going on.

Both guys looked up when they heard someone calling their names to see Becca walking quickly in their direction.  “I’ve been looking all over this damn place for you.”

Trace jumped up and pulled his girlfriend into a tight embrace as soon as she was within reach.  “Thanks for coming.” he said solemnly into her hair.  He had called her an hour before, hoping that perhaps since she was a pre law student she could help him and Justin figure out what was going on inside the room.  And because he knew Becca and Kerrigan were friends and she would want to know what was going on.

“Of course.” Becca said, returning his embrace.  “Have you heard anything yet?  About her condition or what’s happening?” she asked, as they pulled away from their embrace.

“We haven’t heard a thing.  They won’t tell us anything, just that we’re not aloud in the room.  Johnny hasn’t even been out to tell us anything since he went in there.” Trace said, sitting back down in his plastic chair.

Becca sat down beside Trace.  “Johnny?” she questioned.

“Cochran.  He’s one of Justin’s Attorney’s and we figured he’s be the best to call in for something like this.” Trace replied, leaning his head back against the wall.

“You’ve got Johnny Cochran working for you?” Becca asked in disbelief.

Justin looked over at her a little annoyed with her questioning.  “Why not?  He’s one of the best in his field and Kerrigan isn’t getting anything but the best.  If anyone can help her, he can.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Justin.” Becca sighed.  She knew he didn’t mean to snap at her, he was obviously distraught over everything that was going on.  “It’s just that Johnny’s an incredible Attorney and for someone in my position, well we look up to him that’s all.”

Justin ran his hands over his face.  “Sorry, Bec.  I didn’t mean to bite your head off.  I’m just…” he trailed off.

“No need to explain, I understand completely, J.  But like you said, if anyone can help her, it’s Johnny.  I’m sure he’s got everything under control.  So try not to worry too much.  He’s very good at what he does and if anyone can get her off, it’s him.”  Becca tried to assure him.

“Yeah….I’m sure you’re right.” Justin sighed, leaning back into his chair, closing his eyes.

The trio sat there quietly for what seemed like forever.  Hopelessly trying to distract themselves with the Nurses and Doctors that were rushing up and down the halls of the hospital.  But they all sat upright in their seats when the door to Kerrigan’s room opened and people started  pouring out.

Justin was on his feet in a millisecond, looking for Johnny, hoping to get some information on what was going on.  He wasn’t prepared to see Kerrigan being escorted from the room though.  “What’s going on ?” he asked, trying to get to his friend.

“Please stand back sir.” one of the police officers said, placing himself between Justin and Kerrigan.

“What’s going on?  Where are you taking her?  I need to talk to her.” Justin argued, trying to get past the officer.

“Sir, please stand back.” the officer stated again.

“NO!  I need to talk to her…” Justin argued, again trying to push past the office, this time however he was restrained and pushed back by two officers.

Kerrigan looked over at Justin and gave him the best smile she could muster, even though she was completely terrified.  “It’s ok, J.  Everything’s fine.  I’m fine, just calm down.” she said as she was lead away from him.

“Where are you taking her?  What the hell’s going on?” Justin demanded, trying to break free from the officers.

“Justin, calm down.” Trace instructed, knowing that if Justin didn’t get his emotions in check he was going to get his ass arrested.

“I wanna know what’s going on!” Justin demanded, ignoring Trace.

“She’s being taken to the Police Station, Justin.” Johnny said, as he appeared beside him.  He looked at the officers.  “It’s ok, he’s with me, you can back off.” he told them and the two officers did as he said, following the other officers down the hall as they lead Kerrigan out of the hospital.

“What the fuck is going on?  What do you mean they’re taking her to the Police Station?” Justin growled, starting to head off down the hall to follow Kerrigan.

Johnny quickly stopped Justin.  “Have a seat, we need to talk.” he instructed.

Justin looked at Johnny wearily, unsure of what he was about to be told, but he had the distinct feeling he wasn’t going to like it one bit.  But he followed Johnny’s instructions all the same and sat back down in his plastic chair.

“Kerrigan, is being charged for Murder in the Second Degree.” he stated.

“WHAT?” Justin cried, jumping to his feet again.

“Hold up, calm down, Justin.  SIT!” Johnny pointed to the chair before Justin could take off again.

Once again, Justin followed Johnny’s instructions and sat back down.  “I don’t understand.” he said shaking his head.  “Did you see her?  Did you see what he did to her?  How could they charge her with Murder when he did THAT to her?”

“Yes, Justin I seen her and all of her injuries.  I also seen the Medical report, and so did the Detectives.  Trust me that will be taken into consideration, but this is protocol.  This is the law, they have to take her into custody, she killed a man.”

“No.” Justin groaned.  “It wasn’t supposed to go this way.  They were supposed to let her go because of what he did to her.”

Johnny eyed Justin, suspecting there was more to what he was grumbling about than he had been told so far.  But he knew that the prying walls of the Hospital was no place to ask those questions, so for now he would just inform him of what was going to happen and he would ask questions later.

“I’ll ask you what you mean by that later, but for now what you need to be aware of is the fact that she’s broken the law.  It doesn’t matter that she did it in self defense, although that will be taken into consideration and all of the evidence will be considered, she still killed someone Justin.  And by law she has to be detained and taken into the station.  She’ll be arraigned tomorrow morning and possibly have a bond set.  I’m going to seek that.  I’m going to request that since she has no prior record and it was in self defense and considering the circumstances that she be released into your custody until the trial.”

“Trial?” Trace questioned, this was all going over his head.  This whole situation had gotten way out of hand and wasn’t going anything like what he thought it would go.  He figured they’d release her and let her go.  He had no idea they’d actually arrest her and take her to jail.

Johnny turned his attention to Trace.  “Yes, a trial.  All of the evidence has to be looked at and the best place for that is a trial, in front of a Jury of her peers.  It used to be that self defense cases like this were easily dismissed, but now days so many people claim self defense that the likelihood of that happening is very slim.  It will more than likely go to trial.  But I’m confident that when all of the evidence is presented that she will be released.  She has the injuries to back up her statement, not to mention the attack in Florida that was to go to Trial next week.  That all works in her favor, but in the mean time we have to follow the laws and basic protocol.”

“But what if they won’t release her to my custody?  How long is she going to be in jail?  This could take months, years even.  I’ve seen this stuff on TV.  Kerrigan, doesn’t deserve to be in jail.  She can’t go to jail!”  Justin cried, he was losing it and losing it fast.

“Justin, I understand she’s your friend and you’re upset, but unfortunately we have no choice but to go with the flow.  There’s nothing more we can do until tomorrow.  I wish there was, because it honestly makes me sick that she’s being detained especially in her condition, but there’s nothing I can do about it tonight.  I can only be there in the morning at her arraignment and try to get her released to your custody.”

“What about her injuries?  You said you seen the Medical report?” Becca finally spoke up.  She had been absorbing everything Johnny had been saying, being somewhat familiar with what portion of the laws she had reviewed in school so far.

“Well, as you all seen she was really banged up.  She has a couple broken ribs, a total of 108 stitches in her back from all the cuts and glass that was removed.  Not to mention all of the bruising and everything else.  But fortunately the only severe injuries is the broken ribs.  She’ll make a full recovery, but obviously the place for that is not in jail.  I think the Judge will take that into consideration.”

Becca nodded, leaning back into her chair.  She hadn’t known Kerrigan when she had went through the first attack, but Kerrigan had told her about it.  She couldn’t imagine everything Kerrigan had been through in the last few months and she prayed that the Judge would take all of that into consideration, because she knew her friend did not deserve to be sitting in a jail cell.  Not after everything Cody had done to her and put her through.  She needed to be at home, with her friends where she could recover and try to move past all of this.

“So what do we do now?” Justin asked, not really wanting to hear the answer because if it wasn’t that they were going to pick her up right at that moment, he didn’t really want to hear it.

“We meet at the courthouse tomorrow morning at 8:30 for her arraignment.  There’s nothing more we can do tonight.  And seeing as it’s really late and we have to be at the courthouse in just a few short hours, I suggest you go home, get cleaned up and try to get some rest if possible.”

“Yeah, rest.” Justin scoffed.  “Like that’s possible.”

Johnny placed a hand on Justin’s shoulder, looking him directly in the eyes.  “I can see that she means a great deal to you Justin and I promise you I’ll do everything in my powers to help her.  Kerrigan, is a sweet girl.  I know I haven’t gotten to talk to her all that much in the past, but I know she doesn’t deserve this and I can assure you I’ll do everything I can to help her.  But I need you to back me up here.  You can’t go acting insane and blowing up.  That won’t help her at all.  So just let me do my job.”

Justin nodded.  “I know you will, Johnny.  You’re the best at this, that’s why I called you.  Nothing but the best for my Kerrigan.  Nothing but the best.”
 
 

Chapter 58

( The next morning @ the courthouse )

Justin spotted Johnny ahead of him, at the end of the hall.  His pace quickened, he just wanted to get in there and get this whole thing over with so he could take Kerrigan home.  She didn’t deserve to be locked up in a jail cell.  And he only prayed that she was alright, he couldn’t imagine what spending the night in jail was like.  Nor did he want to either.

Reaching Johnny, Justin gave him an expecting look.  Ready to be informed of whatever they had to do that morning.

“Glad to see you could make it.” Johnny said, looking up from some papers he was sorting through in his lap.

“Did you honestly think I wouldn’t?” Justin questioned, taking a seat beside Johnny.

“No.  I knew you would be here.  I’m also guessing from your appearance that you didn’t get any sleep last night at all, did you?”  Johnny stated, eyeing him.

Justin shrugged.  “Had a lot on my mind.”

“That’s to be expected.” Johnny nodded.  “Actually, I need to speak with you and Trace privately.” he added, looking over to Becca, who stood at Trace’s side.

“Why, is something wrong?” Trace questioned, an uneasy feeling settling in his stomach.

“No, I just need to go over some things with the two of you before we go in for her arraignment.  We have an hour.  I had you meet me here at 8:30 so we would have time before.”

“Oh, so she’s not being arraigned until 9:30?” Justin questioned somewhat disappointed.  He wanted to get in there and get it over with.  He didn’t want to wait another damn hour.

“Yes, that’s correct.  So why don’t we head outside to my car.  I don’t feel comfortable discussing this with you here, someone might overhear us.” Johnny stated, getting to his feet.

Justin watched him curiously, getting the distinct feeling that Johnny knew something that he hadn’t been told.  That make Justin somewhat nervous.  If Johnny knew, did that also mean that the Police knew as well?  And if so, what did that mean for Kerrigan?  Or for him?

Wearily Justin got to his feet, looking over at Trace then Becca.  Trace seemed to be wearing the same worried look that Justin was sure was plastered on his face.  Although, Becca seemed confused and completely oblivious.  That was no surprise, she had no idea that Justin had really shot Cody and not Kerrigan.  He’d been afraid to tell her for fear she would get upset with him and he had made Trace swear that he wouldn’t tell her.

“Well, what about Becca?” Justin asked, looking back to Johnny.

Johnny eyed the girl.  “What’s her relationship to this matter?”

“I’m one of Kerrigan’s friends and Trace’s girlfriend.” she answered.

“She’s also a Pre-Law student at UCL.” Trace supplied.

“Oh, really?” Johnny smiled.  There was just something about seeing young people that were looking to follow in his footsteps and study law.  “Well, this should be a great learning experience for you.”

“Yeah, I suppose.” Becca shrugged.  She wasn’t there for the learning experience, she was there to support her friend and her boyfriend.  Right now school was the last thing on her mind.

Johnny turned his attention back to Justin and Trace.  “That’s up to you two.  If you want her there, then by all means it’s fine with me.  You just want to keep in mind that this is confidential and whatever we talk about cannot be spoken about outside of us.  I’m not saying that they can’t trust you.” he said turning his attention back to Becca.  “It’s just that I have some questions for my clients and I just want to make sure that whatever we talk about is going to stay between us.”

“They’ve got nothing to worry about from me.  Hell, I’ll sign a confidentiality agreement if I have to.  I just want to help Kerrigan, she’s my friend.”

Johnny nodded, then turned his attention back to the guys.  “Like I said it’s up to you two.  But we really need to go have this discussion so we can get back in here.”

Justin sighed and looked over at Trace.  He knew what discussion they were about to have, he could see it in Johnny’s eyes.

Trace shrugged, leaving it up to Justin.

Justin turned his attention back to Johnny.  “It’s fine.  I trust Becca.  She can come if she wants.”

“Alright the.” Johnny nodded.  “Let’s go then.” he said, leading the group off, down the hall.

Walking out the front doors of the courthouse, the group was immediately surrounded by reporters and photographers from every possible place you could imagine.

Quickly Justin’s bodyguards began to fight off the large crowd, leading them through so they could get out to the parking lot to Johnny’s car.  Justin was missing Mike already.  He would be off for a few weeks, while he recovered from the gunshot wound to his shoulder.  Thankfully, it wasn’t life threatening and he would be fine.  But Justin was so used to always having Mike with him it felt weird to be without him.  Not that he didn’t trust his other guards, he did.  But it just wasn’t the same.

Finally, reaching the parking area, the group loaded up in Johnny’s car, while the security guards made sure to keep the press at bay.  No one within earshot of the car, as instructed by Johnny.

“Ok, we need to get this over with so we can get back inside, so I’m not going to beat around the bush.” Johnny started, looking directly over at Justin.  “Kerrigan, didn’t kill Cody, did she?”

Justin looked down at his lap, while Trace sat back in the seat, closing his eyes tightly shut as he leaned his head back against the headrest.  Becca on the other hand was completely confused, but said nothing.

“Justin, I need you to be honest with me. I need to know what I’m dealing with here.” Johnny urged.

Sighing, Justin looked up at Johnny.  “No, she didn’t.  I did.”

Johnny nodded his understanding as he heard a gasp escape Becca from the backseat.  “That’s what I thought.”

“How’d you know?” Justin asked.

“Just some things you said at the hospital yesterday.  Not to mention that guilty look you’ve got plastered on your face.”

“Do the police know?” Trace questioned from the backseat.

“I doubt it.  They seemed to fully believe Kerrigan’s story.  Which I guess is good for you.” he paused.  “I have one question, thought.  Why is she taking the rap for this?  Did you put her up to it?”

“What?  NO!” Justin exclaimed, defensively.  “It was her idea.  I tried to talk her out of it, but she wouldn’t listen to me and before I knew what was happening the Police were there and she was already telling them her version of the story.  She said they would let her go because of what Cody had done to her and that if they found out that I had actually been the one to shoot him, that it would ruin my career.  I swear I tried to talk her out of it, but she wouldn’t let me!”

“Justin, it’s ok.  I’m not judging you.  I just need to know what’s going on before I go in that courtroom.” Johnny assured him.

“So what do we do now?” Trace asked.

“Same thing we planned on doing before.  We’ll stick with Kerrigan’s story, because changing it would only cause more problems.  Not only for Justin but for her as well, so we’ll just stick with what she’s saying.  Besides, I do have to agree, it’s better for her because she has a defense.  You wouldn’t have one.”

“I’m sorry, but I just can’t bite my tongue.” Becca began, sitting forward in the backseat.  “How could you let her do this?  I mean she’s in JAIL!”

“Not now, Bec.” Trace warned, hoping to subdue her.  Wrong.

“Don’t you “not now” me!” she glared at Trace.  “Kerrigan is my friend and even if this was her idea, she’s hurt and beat up.  She does not need to be in a jail cell.  And you do realize that she could possibly go to prison for this.  For something she didn’t even do!”

“Becca, be quite.  You’re not helping here.” Trace warned again.

“I’m not trying to help.  I’m trying to get you to see that what you’re doing is wrong!” she exclaimed.

Justin turned to look at her.  “You think I don’t know that?  You think I like this?  I wasn’t really given much of a choice.  If I would have said anything after she had started telling them her story that would have made things worse!  She’s my Best Friend and I love her and it’s killing me to know that she’s locked up in jail because of me.  I was only trying to protect her!  I didn’t mean to kill him.  And I certainly didn’t mean for this to happen!”

“Let’s calm down here.” Johnny interjected.  “What’s done is done.  There’s no going back and changing it now.  We just have to proceed from where we are.  Arguing over it isn’t going to change anything.  And blaming Justin isn’t either.  It’s obvious he’s upset with all of this, I mean have you looked at him?  So let’s try to keep it together here.  For Kerrigan’s sake.”

Becca looked down at her hands solemnly.  She hadn’t meant to blow up at Justin the way she did, it was just that she really cared about Kerrigan too.  Regardless of the fact they hadn’t known each other very long, they were still really close and she just couldn’t understand their reasoning for doing what they did.  But she did understand that Kerrigan loved Justin and would do anything to protect him, which would definitely explain why she had done what she had.

Leaning forward, Becca reached her hand up to squeeze Justin’s shoulder apologetically.  “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have said those things.  I know you love her and would do anything for her.  It’s just that, she’s been through so much already and I don’t want to see her suffer anymore.”

“Neither do I.” Justin said, not looking at Becca but once again his lap.

“Ok, well we’ll have to set up a time after the arraignment for us all to get together so we can go over the details of what happened that night.  I need to know everything, but for now we’ll proceed as planned.” Johnny stated.

“So you’re not going to tell the court that Justin really did it?” Trace questioned.

“Of course not.” Johnny scoffed.  “Justin, is my client as well and that would be a breach of my confidentially with him.  Besides, I agree that Kerrigan has a better chance of beating this rap.  And it’s really too late to change our story now.”

“I was just checking.” Trace sighed.  This whole thing was out of hand and he was totally stressed out.  And thinking that he felt even more guilty because he knew that what he was feeling was nothing compared to what Justin OR Kerrigan were feeling at the moment.

“Ok, well let’s get back inside so we can bring Kerrigan home.” Johnny said, starting to exit the vehicle.

Justin halted him by quickly grabbing his arm.  “Do you really think you’re going to be able to get her out?”

“I’m going to do my best, Justin.  That’s all I can do.”
 

“Let’s get the hell outta here.” Trace said, as they all were dismissed from the courtroom.

Johnny had succeeded.  The Judge had granted his request to have Kerrigan released to Justin’s custody until her trial, agreeing that she did not need to be in jail in her condition and should be at home, where she could heal and get better.

Those words had been music to Justin’s ears.  He had been so extremely worried that the Judge would refuse to release Kerrigan and she would have to stay in jail.  He just wanted to get her home and take care of her.

When they had first brought her into the room, Justin had felt tears welling up in his eyes.  She looked horrible.  Every bit of her skin that you could see from her orange jumpsuit was black and blue.  Not to mention her two black eyes and swelled lip.  She looked worse than last time, if that were even possible.

“I agree, let’s get out of here.” Justin said, getting to his feet.

He watched as Johnny lead Kerrigan from her seat at the Defense table and through the flapping doors that separated them.  As soon as she was in reach, he pulled her into a tight, but careful hug.  She looked so fragile, as if she could break at any moment.

“It’s ok, J.  I’m ok.” she said, attempting to reassure him.

Pulling back he looked down at her.  ‘I’m just glad to see you is all.  I was up all night last night worrying about you.  When they wouldn’t let me in at the hospital to see you or anything.  I just…I just…”

“Justin, it’s ok.  I understand. No need to explain.  But can we please get out of here before they change their mind or something.”

“They can’t change their mind now.  I’d love to see them try to take you back.  They’d have to get through me first.” he said, wrapping his arm around her waist, leading her out of the room followed by Trace, Becca and Johnny.

“With all the Cops they got in here, I don’t think that would be too hard.” she retorted.

Justin smiled, at least she seemed to be in semi good spirits.  He knew it was probably more of an act for his and Trace’s benefit, to try and reassure them that she was strong and that she was ok.  But he would go along with it for now, he was jus happy that she was being released and he could take her home.

“You’re not wearing that out of here, are you?” Becca questioned, pointing to the orange jumpsuit.

“I don’t have anything else to wear.” Kerrigan stated, looking down at herself.

“No worries, we brought you a change of clothes just in case.” Trace spoke up, holding a duffle bag up.

“Thank God.” Kerrigan sighed.

“Let’s find a restroom so she can get changed.” Johnny suggested.

After they had found a restroom and Kerrigan had changed into the yoga pants and t-shirt Trace and Justin had brought her, with Becca’s help, as she was still extremely sore and couldn’t bend over very easily.  Kerrigan turned the jumpsuit into one of the guards that was in the hall and proceeded to leave with her friends.

She eyed the bodyguards, all of them familiar but missing the one man she had adored for years she turned to Justin.  “Is Mike ok?”

“He’s fine.  He’ll be off for a few weeks while his shoulder heals, but he’ll be fine.  He said to tell you he’ll see you soon when I talked to him this morning.  He wants a full report on how everything went today, so maybe when we get home you can call him and tell him yourself.  He’s still kinda pissed off at me.”

“Why’s he pissed off at you?” she questioned, as they stepped into the elevator.

“Why is he always pissed off at Justin.” Trace snorted.  “Because he never listens.”

“What did you do?” she asked, eyeing Justin.

“He’s just upset because last night when I heard you screaming at the house I didn’t wait for him, I ran ahead without him.  So I’ll of course never hear the end of that.  Of house I should have waited for him to check it out first.” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Well, he’s gotta have something to be mad at you about or your relationship just wouldn’t be normal.” Kerrigan smiled.

Justin laughed.  “True.”

When the elevator reached the lobby the group exited and made their way for the doors.  Justin stopped when they got about ten feet from the doors and looked at Kerrigan.  “There’s a shit load of press out here, just to warn you.”

Kerrigan nodded.  “I figured as much.  Let’s just get this over with.”

“Ok.” he nodded.

Frank stepped up beside Kerrigan.  “Stay close to me lil’ one.  I’ll keep them back.”

Kerrigan smile at him.  Next to Mike, Frank was her second favorite guard.  They had always had a friendly banter between them and she felt safe knowing that he would be looking out for her.  “Ok.”

The group made their way out of the courthouse, Kerrigan wasn’t surprised in the least at the mob of press and fans that were gathered.  They made their way through the crowds, the bodyguards clearing a path, Johnny refusing to give any interviews, telling them that they had no comment at this time.

When they finally reached their vehicles, Frank and Justin got Kerrigan securely loaded into the vehicle before Justin turned back to Johnny.  Extending his hand, Justin thanked him for all of his help.

“It’s what I’m here for, Justin.  I’ll call you in a couple of days so we can set up a time to go over everything.  I think Kerrigan needs a few days to rest and relax.”

“Yeah, I agree.” Justin nodded.

“Ok, well I’ll see you guys later.  Take care of her and if you have any questions or need anything you have my numbers.” Johnny said as he started to head for his car.

“Ok.  Thanks again.” Justin called after him, before climbing into his vehicle.

“So where to now?” Kerrigan asked jokingly.

Justin rolled his eyes at her.  “We’re going home.  We’re taking you home.”
 
 

Chapter 59

After they had returned to the house, the first thing Kerrigan had decided to do was to take a shower.  Of course that required Becca’s help and was extremely embarrassing for Kerrigan, but she really hadn’t had much of a choice.

Because of her ribs it was extremely hard for her to do any bending or to lift her arms above her head.  She hadn’t been permitted any pain killers while she was incarcerated, which meant she had been in sever pain since the pain medication they had given her at the hospital had worn off the night before.

While Becca was assisting Kerrigan with her shower, Trace and Justin had run out to get Kerrigan’s prescriptions filled.  She needed her pain medication and that just couldn’t wait any longer.

Once the guys had returned, Kerrigan had taken the prescribed dosage and settled into the sofa, waiting on the drugs to kick in.  She had never been through something so horrible in her life.  She hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep the night before, due to the pain, and her body and mind were completely exhausted.

Once the pain medication had kicked in, Kerrigan ended up napping on the sofa in the living room for the majority of the day.  While everyone else sat around watching TV, preparing something to eat, or busying themselves with some other task.

As the evening drew near, they were discussing where Kerrigan would sleep.  There was no way she could sleep in her old room.  Justin was going to have to have someone come in and rip up all the carpet and lay new carpet down because of the blood stains.

Besides he was pretty positive she wouldn’t want to sleep in that room anymore anyways.  It held too many horrible memories for her.  Hell, he didn’t even want to go in the room, so he couldn’t even begin to imagine what her apprehensions about the room would be like.

It was finally decided that she would just take one of the other bedrooms.  It really wasn’t a hard decision since the house was so huge, but it had bothered Justin because the other bedrooms were at the other end of the house and he didn’t particularly like the idea of her being all the way down there.  He wanted her close so he could keep an eye on her, but Kerrigan had assured him that it wasn’t necessary.  If she needed him or Trace she would just yell for them.

Becca had also decided to stay the night, that way if Kerrigan needed her for anything she would be there.  It would be a few days until most of the soreness would wear off and she could begin to do things on her own such as dressing herself and bathing herself.  And there was no way Kerrigan was going to ask Justin and Trace to help her with that.  Even though they’d helped her that time before, that had been enough. It was humiliating and she preferred to have Becca help her.  Although, still somewhat humiliating, at least she was a female.

When they had all finally decided to head upstairs to bed later that evening, Justin had helped Kerrigan up the stairs and down the hall to the room she would be staying in.

He helped her into bed and tucked her in since she was already dressed in what she would refer to as sleepwear.  A tank top and a pair of Justin’s boxers.  Becca had helped her get dressed in that after her shower.

A part of Justin had wished she would have chosen something a little more….covering.  Not because he minded her running around in that particular clothing choice, he was used to that, she had slept in a tank top and boxers for as long as he could remember.  But it was more to the fact that he could see her injuries so easily.  She was literally bruised from head to toe.

Her arms were covered in dark purpled bruises.  Her legs were covered in them as well.  And looking at the bruises that covered her frail body broke Justin’s heart.  It was the second time he had seen her so battered.  After he had sworn he would never let it happen again, it had.  And this time it was far worse.

But he didn’t say anything to her about it.  She seemed to be doing ok, although a little loopy from her pain killers, she was still in fairly good spirits, and he didn’t want to say anything to bring her down.

After Justin had tucked her into bed and turned the lights off, he exited the room and headed down the long hall to his own room, telling Trace and Becca goodnight as he passed them in the hall.

Back in the other bedroom, Kerrigan laid in bed for what seemed like forever before she finally drifted back off to sleep.

Being upstairs and walking down the hallway had caused flashbacks of the night before when Cody had dragged her down the hall to her room.  Flashbacks of the pleading she had done for him to just let her go.  Of how he had beat her.  Of Justin showing up as if he was her knight in shining armor.  And then of Cody’s unfortunate demise.

She kept reliving the events over and over in her heard.  Praying to God, to make them stop and go away.  She didn’t want to think about it.  She didn’t want to remember it.  She just wanted to forget.

She didn’t want to feel bad that Cody had been killed.  Not after everything he had done to her.  Everything he had put her through.  But a portion of her did feel bad.  She hadn’t wanted him to die.  She had just wanted him to go away and leave her alone.

Well now he really had gone away and he would never be able to hurt her or any of her friends again.  And as relieved as she was about that, she still felt bad.

Finally though, after what seemed like hours of endless thoughts, her prayer was answered and she drifted off in to a restless sleep.
 

Justin was almost asleep when he heard the door to his room open quietly and then close.  He shifted in his bed, opening his eyes to see who had entered his room.  He sat up quickly when he saw Kerrigan’s silhouette making her way towards him in the dark.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, as she approached the side of the bed.

“I had a bad dream and couldn’t go back to sleep.” she said, fidgeting with the hem of her tank top.

Justin immediately pulled the sheets back on his bed, motioning for her to join him.  “C’mere.”

Kerrigan climbed in the bed next to him, Justin pulling the sheets back over their bodies once she was situated on her side.  “You wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.  I just didn’t want to be alone.”

Justin nodded, reaching out to tuck a wisp of hair behind her ear.  “Well, I’m here.  You don’t have to be alone.”

“Thank you, Justin.” she whispered.

“For what, Kerr?  I should be thanking you.”

“Just for being my friend.  For caring.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that, Kerrigan.  I know you’d do the same for me in a heartbeat.  Hello, look at what you’re doing now.  I love you and you’re my friend.  There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for you.  All you ever have to do is ask.”  he said honestly, looking into her eyes through the darkness of the room.

“I love you too, J.” she replied hoarsely.

Justin gave her a sincere smile, his heart pounding in his chest.  She meant more to him than anything in the world, and just seeing her, laying there looking so helpless and broke only made him love her more.

She had been through so much and she had survived it all.  So far.  He was worried about what this whole trial and everything was going to do to her, but he had sworn to himself that he was going to stand by her 110%.  He was going to be the rock he knew she needed him to be.

“Justin….” she sighed.  “Could you…”

“Could I what?” He asked when she didn’t finish.

“Could you hold me please?”

“Of course.“ Justin said, motioning for her to come closer.

Kerrigan scooted closer to him, flipping over to her other side so that her back was to him.  She just needed to be held so she could feel safe.  Justin made her feel safe.  She knew that Cody was gone and he couldn’t hurt her anymore, but the fear still lingered in her mind.  Except when she was with Justin.  When she was with him, it all just disappeared.

Once Kerrigan was situated, Justin scooted closer, wrapping his arm over her side to pull her tightly against him.  He was more than happy to hold her.  Not just for her sake, but for his own.

After everything they had been through in the last two days he just wanted to keep her as close to him as possible.  So close in fact that he hadn’t realized he was squeezing her to him quite as tightly as he actually was.  That was until of course he heard Kerrigan cry out in pain.

Justin immediately jerked back.  “What’s wrong?  Did I hurt you?” he asked frantically.

Kerrigan looked back at him over her shoulder, a tear slowly sliding down her cheek.  “You was just holding me a little too tight.  My back and ribs are still really sore.”

“Shit.” he cursed, he had totally forgotten her injuries.  “I’m sorry, Kerr. I forgot.  I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok, Justin.  I know you didn’t do it on purpose.”

Justin laid their quietly for a moment, unsure of whether he should attempt to hold her again.  He didn’t want to hurt her.  That was the last thing he wanted to do.

And at the same time his curiosity was getting the best of him.  He could see all of her other injuries.  Her black eyes, busted lip.  The bruising that so blatantly covered her from head to toe, but he hadn’t seen her back.  And now that she was laying there before him, her back staring him in the face, he couldn’t help but wonder.  He felt like he needed to see the wounds.  So he could reassure himself once again that what he had done to Cody was truly justified.

He knew the guy deserved the worst, but he couldn’t help but feel a little guilty.  His conscious wouldn’t let him get away with taking someone’s life and not feeling the least bit guilty about it.

“Kerr….” he spoke softly, hoping to get her attention.  He wasn’t sure how she would react to such a request, or even if he should ask.  But he needed to see it.

“Yeah?”

“Can I see your back?  I mean, I don’t know.  I just….need to see it.”

Kerrigan turned over to look at him.  She could see the questions in his eyes.  She could see the guilt.  “Yeah, sure.” she said, rolling over to her stomach very carefully, as to not put too much pressure on her ribs.  She had learned that trick from the previous incident.

Laying there before him, Justin stared at her back.  Her tank top still covering the wounds he knew were there.  It took him a moment to gather the courage to actually look, but once he had found it, he slowly and as carefully as possible pulled her tank top up in the back so he could get a look at it.

It was too dark in the room and he couldn’t really see anything so he leaned over and switched the lamp beside his bed on.

Turning his attention back to Kerrigan, his eyes traveled over the length of her back.  Taking in every cut and every stitch that held them closed.  There were so many, she would surely have severe scaring.

Just thinking about the pain she must have been in and still was in.  Thinking about all the bruises and marks that covered her body.  The anger grew within him once again and he knew he had done the right thing.

“You know, I never thought I’d say this but, even though a part of me feels guilty, I’m glad I killed him.  After everything he did to you, I’m glad I killed him.” Justin choked out through his tears.

Kerrigan turned over slowly and looked up at him.  She could see the guilt that laid in his eyes, but ever more present was the anger.  Anger she knew was because someone had hurt her, and it warmed her heart.  It seemed stupid to her that she felt that way, but she did.  Because it reassured her that Justin did love her, that he did care.

Setting up she pulled Justin into a hug.  “It’s ok, J.  He’s gone now, he can’t hurt me anymore.”

Justin returned her embrace.  “I know, but he’s already hurt you so much and I wish I could have done more to prevent it.  If I just would have followed you home last night, maybe….”

Kerrigan cut him off.  “Justin, don’t start that.  Everything happens for a reason and there’s nothing you could have done.  It’s over now, so don’t make yourself feel guilty about something you had no control over.”

“I know, but…”

“Justin, stop.  Let’s just go to sleep, ok?”

Sighing he relented.  “Ok.”

“Thank you.” Kerrigan gave him a small smile, leaning in she kissed him on his cheek.  “Turn the light off.” she said, before laying back in the bed, shifting back over to her side once again.

Justin switched the light off, then scooted back down in the bed.  He stared at Kerrigan’s back for a moment unsure of what he should do.  “Kerr?”

“Uh huh?”

“Do you still want me to hold you?”

“Yes, please.  Just not so tight.” she chuckled slightly.  He had been holding on for dear life before, seriously causing both her back and ribs to hurt.  But there was no way she would tell him that, she didn’t want him to feel any worse than he already did.  He had meant well, and she knew it.

“Ok.” Justin smiled slightly at the sound of her laughter.

He scooted up behind her, wrapping his arm gently over her side, resting his hand on her stomach.  Burring his face in her hair.  It smelled like strawberries from her shampoo.  A smell he could relate to her from years back and it comforted him.  The vivid smell was a sign that she was really there with him and not just a figment of his imagination.

Taking one last deep breath through his nose, allowing the scent to consume him, Justin kissed the back of her head.  “Love you, Kerr.  Goodnight.” he whispered into her hair.

Kerrigan closed her eyes, taking in the security she felt from having him near, before whispering back,  “Love you too, J.  Goodnight.”
 

Chapter 60

( a week later )

“Johnny, seemed pretty confident about everything.  I wouldn’t worry to much about it.” Trace said as he, Justin and Kerrigan walked back into the house.  They were returning from their meeting with Johnny.

“Who’s worried?” Justin asked, flopping down on the sofa as if he didn’t have a worry in the world.

Trace gave him a knowing look, then turned his attention to Kerrigan as she slowly eased herself down onto the other end of the sofa.  She was getting around much better, but when it came to getting up and sitting down she had to move very slowly.

“Do you believe him?” Trace asked her, smirking.

“Not the slightest.” she grinned, shaking her head.

“Whatever.  I’m cool as a cucumber.” Justin said, grabbing the remote off the table and flipping the TV on.

“Cool as a cucumber full of shit!” Trace snorted.

“Can we talk about something else, please?” Justin sighed, not wanting to think about the trial that would be coming up.  They didn’t know when yet, a date hadn’t been set, but either way he still didn’t want to think about it.

“Well, what do you want to talk about then?” Trace said, throwing himself down on the other sofa.

“Actually, I’d just rather watch TV than talk.  Do you think you can shut up long enough for me to do that?” Justin said, annoyed.

“Damn, someone’s got a stick up their ass!” Trace exclaimed jumping back up from the sofa.  He walked around to where Kerrigan was seated and held out a hand.  “Come on, Kerr.  Let’s leave Mr. Attitude to his TV.  We wouldn’t want to interrupt him.”

Kerrigan laughed and allowed Trace to help her up from the sofa.  “No, we wouldn’t want to do that.” she mocked.

“Would you two shut up and go if you‘re gonna go?” Justin groaned.

“We’re going, we’re going.” Trace laughed, he loved annoying Justin.  It was one of the many pleasures of being his best friend.

Justin sat on the sofa and watched from the corner of his eye as Trace and Kerrigan left the room.  Where they were going, he had no clue, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t thankful for the alone time.  The last week had been a week of many emotions, ranging anywhere from overjoyed to thoroughly depressed and confused.

It seemed like every night Kerrigan was ending up in his room with him.  Not that he minded that at all, in fact he rather enjoyed waking up next to her each morning.  But that was the problem, he enjoyed it too much.  So much that it was beginning to become a problem for him.

He wanted to hold her and he did, but he wanted to REALLY hold her.  He wanted to show her how much she meant to him and having her that close to him at night was becoming far too tempting.  He knew she wasn’t ready for anything like that.  Hell, it had only been a week since everything had went down.  But being that close to her, holding her, falling to sleep beside her and waking up next to her was making him realize a lot of things.

He realized that was what he wanted more than anything.  He wanted to fall asleep with her in his arms every night for the rest of his life.  He wanted to be able to show her how much he cared about her.  How he truly cared about her.  He wanted to be able to kiss her and eventually make love to her, but he couldn’t.  None of those things were possible and it was slowly starting to drive him insane.

He had even made the mistake of opening up and telling Trace about how he was feeling.  And of course Trace had been on him about it ever since.  Constantly lecturing Justin, telling him he should just tell Kerrigan how he feels.  Expressing that he thought Kerrigan felt the same way, which Justin refused to believe.  The thought was absurd to him.

Even if Trace were the slightest bit correct, there was no way she was ready for anything.  She had already been through too much and Justin didn’t feel comfortable expressing his feelings when he knew she was already overwhelmed with everything else that was going on.

She was about to go to trial for murder.  For killing someone that she actually hadn’t even killed.  That combined with everything she’d been through in the past and then everything that had happened the prior week, Justin knew there was no way he could add something else to her already full plate.  She had enough things to worry about without him adding any more.

But where did that leave him?  It left him exactly where he was at that very moment.  Sitting on the sofa, trying to distract his thoughts with the ramblings of the television.  Something he had been doing a lot of lately.  He wasn’t even concerned about his album sales.  Nope, the only thing that was on his mind was Kerrigan.

He watched her every move, every facial expression.  Analyzing everything hoping to find some glimpse of what Trace claimed to see, but so far he saw nothing.  Nothing more than a friend leaning on a friend in her time of need.

So once again Justin fell back on his promise to himself.  He wouldn’t pursue her.  He wouldn’t make any advances.  He would simply be her friend.

He loved her more than life itself and that he was sure of, but if the only thing she would ever be to him was a friend, then that was something he was willing to accept.  Because her happiness and well being was fair more important to him than his own.  So he would hold true to the pact he had made with himself and that would just have to be enough.

Or so he kept telling himself.  It was all really starting to become more than he could handle.  Hiding his feelings.  Holding back from kissing her when he felt the urge.  He prayed to God for the strength to remain strong.  To get him through the awkwardness that consumed him at times.

And more than anything, he prayed that Kerrigan did feel the same way.

( Later that evening )

Justin looked up as Kerrigan walked into the room.  His eyes followed her figure across the dimly lit room as she made her way over to the sofa, taking a seat at the opposite end from him.  She didn’t speak, he figured she didn’t want to interrupt him, as he appeared to be consumed in the movie he had been watching.

Justin kept his attention focused on the television for a few quiet minutes before he finally spoke up.  He couldn’t stand the silence that seemed to fall upon the room when she entered, even though the action scene on the TV was blaring loudly through the room.

“Where’s Trace at?” he asked, turning to look over at her.

Kerrigan pulled her eyes from the television to look at Justin.  “He went to pick Becca up, they were going to go out for dinner or something.  Not really sure.”

“Oh.” he paused in thought for a moment.  “When did he leave?  He didn’t even say bye or anything.”

Kerrigan smirked to herself.  “He didn’t want to interrupt you and get his head bitten off.”

Justin rolled his eyes.  “I wasn’t that damn bad.” he scoffed.

“No, not really.  But you did make it clear that you wanted to be alone, so we left you alone.”

“I didn’t want to be alone.” he lied.  “I just didn’t wanna talk about the trial and everything.  We talked about that enough on the way to Johnny’s office, then while were there, and then the whole damn way home.  I was sick of talking about and I just wanted to drop the subject for a while.  I would think you would be sick of talking about it too.”

Kerrigan shrugged.  “I am, but it’s not like I can avoid it.  It’s constantly running through the back of my mind.”

At her words Justin sat up a little straighter on the sofa, his eyes not wavering from her figure.  “Are you worried about it?”

She shrugged again.  “I’d be lying if I said no.  How can I not worry, J?  I mean this is serious, they’re trying me for murder.”

“But like Trace said, Johnny seems really confident.  You shouldn’t worry about it.  You should just forget about it for now, focus on getting better.”

“I know that, Justin.  Believe me I wish I could just forget and not think about it, but I can’t.  This is my reality right now and I have to face it at some point or another.”

“But this isn’t your reality, Kerrigan.  It’s mine.  I’m the one that killed him.  I shouldn’t have let you talk me into this crazy plan.  Now you’re worrying yourself over things you shouldn’t be worrying yourself over.  You’re hurt and sick and you  need to focus on getting better, not whether you’re going to end up in jail for something you didn’t do.”

Kerrigan sighed, she was tired of having this argument with him.  He just didn’t seem to get it at all.  Either way she would be worrying about something and the truth of the matter was that if it were Justin that was on trial, she’d probably be worrying even more.  “It really doesn’t matter now.  We can’t go back and change anything.  What’s done is done, so you might as well stop bringing that up.  I’m doing this to protect you, Justin.  Things would be far worse if you were in my position and you know it.”

“No, I don’t know it, Kerrigan.  All I know is that I wouldn’t feel so insanely guilty right now.  This just standing by and watching you take the rap for something I did is driving me crazy inside.  You’ve already been through so much shit and you don’t need this.”

Kerrigan sat up and looked him dead in the eyes.  “Justin, listen to me.  I’m doing this because I care about you.  Because I know and you know that if the situation was reversed things would be really bad for you.  I’m doing this for your own good.  Yes, I’ve been through a lot.  And yes, this isn’t easy on me.  But I’m doing this because I care, because I love you.  You mean a lot to me Justin and you told me once that you would do anything to protect me.  Well, I’ll do anything to protect you as well.  You’ve done so much for me in the past and this is my chance to repay you.  Granted, it’s not your typical type of repayment, but this is all I can do right now.  This helps me sleep better at night, cause I know that you’re ok and you’re not the one in danger of going to jail or having your career ripped away from you.”

“You’ve got so much more going for you than I do, Justin.  If I go to jail, it’s not that big of a loss.  But you.  Well, you would lose everything and I can’t just stand by and watch that happen.  Besides, the reason you killed Cody was because of me.  You were protecting me, so I’m just as much to blame for that as you are.”

“How can you say that?” he questioned, incredulously.

“Say what?”

“That you’ve got nothing going for you?  You’ve got SO much going for you, Kerrigan!”

“Like what, J?  I haven’t been to college.  I don’t have a career.  My life revolves around you and your career.”

Her words stung.  Was she bitter?  Did she regret spending the last few years of her life catering to him and helping him out?  Not going out on her own and setting up a life for herself.  “Are you saying you regret working for me?” he asked wearily, scared of what her response would be.

“No Justin, of course not!” she exclaimed.  “The last few years being on the road with you and the guys have been amazing, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.  That’s not what I was saying.  I just meant that I don’t really have anything going for me like you do.  Unlike you if I went to jail I wouldn’t have millions of devastated fans.  Nor would my career be ruined, because I don’t have one.”

“Maybe you wouldn’t have millions of devastated fans, but I know you’d have quite a few.  Do you honestly think that if you go to jail that me, Trace, the guys and your family are going to be happy about it?  Maybe you don’t have some college degree and a career from that, but you do have us.  I guess in a way you could say we’re your career.  And I don’t know how you feel about it but I know that we would all be devastated to lose you.  So your little explanation that you’ve got nothing going for you doesn’t fly with me, Kerr.”

“Justin, can we please not have this conversation again?” she pleaded.  She didn’t want to think about all of the things she would be missing out on if for some reason she did get sent to prison.  Nor did she want to think about all the people she would be leaving behind.

“What do you mean, again?  We’ve never talked about this before.  You’re always avoiding the subject and we really do need to talk about this.  As you said before this is your reality, but it’s not just yours Kerrigan, it’s mine too.  If you go to prison you’re not going to be around anymore and that’s something I don’t even want to imagine.”

“Justin….” she sighed.

“No!  I’m serious, Kerrigan.  We need to talk about this.”

“Well, what do you want me to say?  Do you want me to say that I WANT to go to prison?  Well, no, of course I don’t!  But this is what it is.  My argument isn’t going to change, Justin!  It’s better this way and that’s the way you should leave it.”

“Why is it better this way?  It can’t just be because of my career.  My career isn’t that damn important!”

“Don’t you lie to me, Justin Timberlake!” she glared at him.  “Your career means everything in the world to you!   You live and breath your music and without it you would be so miserable, you and I both know that.”

“Do you honestly believe that my career is more important to me than my friends and family?”

“Justin, please….”

“No seriously, Kerrigan.  Do you think that?  Because if you do, you’re SO very wrong.  I would give all this up in a heartbeat for the people I care about.  And those people include you and you should know that by now.  I don’t know when you developed such a low opinion of yourself, but you really need to fix that because it’s not flying with me.  You’re one of my BEST FRIENDS, Kerrigan and I love you.  I love you SO much and there isn’t a damn thing I wouldn’t do for you.  I’ve told you all of this before.  What do I have to do to get you to realize I’m not just talking shit, that I actually mean it?”

“I know you mean it, Justin.” she sighed.

“Then what the hell is the problem?” he asked, growing frustrated.

“The problem is I have no life.  Yeah, sure I have you guys and I have my family and you all mean the world to me, but outside of that I have nothing.  I don’t have a career.  I don’t have anything other than you guys.  So it’s not like I’d be losing much.”

“So we don’t count as much?” he asked defensively.  He just wanted a straight answer out of her and all he was getting was petty little excuses in his book.  Excuses that made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

“What does this have to do with why I’m doing this?  We’re getting off subject.”

“No, we’re precisely on subject.  I wanna know why you think you have nothing to lose, when you have just as much to lose as I do?  You need to explain that to me.”

“I don’t wanna talk about this anymore.” she said, attempting to get up from the sofa.

Unfortunately for her she couldn’t move as quickly as she normally could and Justin was at her side in a millisecond, holding her in her place.  “No, Kerr.  We need to talk about this.  I’m not trying to upset you.  I just need to know.  It’s obviously something you feel strongly about.  I just don’t’ understand why you would think or feel that way.”

Not being able to contain herself any longer, Kerrigan blew up.  “Because I do ok!  You don’t understand what it’s like to be me, Justin.  I’ve made a lot of bad choices over the last few months and they haven’t gotten me anywhere but here.  This is all my fault to begin with, so I deserve to take the punishment for it.  I love you, Trace, the guys and my family but I’ve let you ALL down and this is my chance to save face.  Not to mention I don’t really have anything to live for anyways.  My life is so screwed up right now and I don’t have a clue as to where I need to start to repair it.  Or if it’s even repairable.  So you see?  It doesn’t really matter either way, because my life is such a mess that this couldn’t possibly make things any worse than they already are.”

“How could you think for a second that you deserve any of this, Kerrigan?  Just because you made a few bad choices?  We all make bad decisions.  We learn from them and we move on.  You’re being WAY too hard on yourself.”

“But you see, J I didn’t learn from them.  I just kept going and going and going.  And all because I wanted to be excepted and didn’t want to be alone.  All because I wanted someone to love me and see me for more than just the frumpy girl they’d grown up with.  I was a complete moron and I let my insecurities drive me to do things that I would have never done in the past.  And for what?  What did it get me?  Nothing but a whole lot of heartache.  And not just for me, but for my friends and family too.”

“And you think that makes you deserve this?  We all fuck up Kerrigan.  We all make mistakes.  It’s normal, it’s a part of life.  You cannot dwell on that.  God knows I’ve made my fair share.  You need to quit being so hard on yourself and look forward to the future.  Take what you’ve learned from your mistakes and don’t make them again.  Don’t let them hold you back.”

“Oh, trust me I won’t be making those mistakes again.  Besides it doesn’t really matter.  Cody, never really loved me anyways.  He was obsessed with some idea of me or something, hell I don’t know.  It was always about you and keeping me from you, having something you didn’t have.  Taking me from you.  It’s like he had some personal vendetta against you and he used me to see it through somehow.”

“That doesn’t make any sense, Kerrigan.”

“I’m just telling you what he said.” she shrugged, settling back into the sofa.  Justin still had a firm grip on her arm and she knew he wasn’t about to let her go anywhere until he was ready.

“You mean to tell me he told you that?” he questioned.

“Well, not in so many words.  But he did say that he knew he would have me from the first moment he set eyes on me.  He said he knew it wouldn’t go over well with you, but that if he gave me just the right amount of attention I would fall for him and I did.  I fell for everything he said and all because I wanted to feel loved and appreciated.”

“I still don’t understand why you would think you weren’t loved or appreciated, Kerrigan.  You know that me and the guys woulda done anything for you.”

“But that’s different.  That’s all out of friendship.  I seen you and all the other guys with your girlfriends.  I wanted that.  I wanted someone to look at me the way Joey looks at Kelly, or the way you used to look at Britney.  I wanted to feel beautiful.  I wanted someone to want me.”

“But Kerrigan you are beautiful.  Why on earth would you think that you’re not beautiful?  You’re stunning.”

“Psh, yeah right.” she scoffed.  “Look at me, Justin!  I’m all black and blue.  I’m FAR from beautiful.”

Justin stared at her for a moment, looking deep into her eyes.  If only she knew how beautiful he thought she was.  “Kerrigan, right now you’re banged up, so of course that’s going to hinder your beauty somewhat.  But even now, even with your black eyes, busted lip, all the bruises, you’re still beautiful.”

“Justin, can we just not talk about this anymore?”

“Kerrigan.” he commanded her attention.  He scooted closer to her, taking her chin in his hand, looking deep into her eyes.  “Don’t for one second ever doubt your beauty.  You are one of the most beautiful women I have ever met in my life.  And I don’t just mean in the personality sense.  You’re gorgeous, truly stunning.”

Kerrigan stared back into Justin’s eyes.  She saw his sincerity and it melted her heart.  How many years had she longed for him to speak those words to her?  “You really think so?” she asked, sheepishly.

Justin smiled at her, softly caressing her cheek as he still gently held her chin in his palm.  “Yes, I really think so.  You’re beautiful, Kerrigan.  And don’t you ever think different.” he said, leaning in towards her.

The urge to kiss her was overwhelming and it was like some force was pulling him towards her.  His eyes never wavered from hers as he slowly leaned towards her.  He couldn’t tell what was going on behind her eyes.  They were filled with sentiment and emotion, but he wasn’t sure if it was just what he had said or if it had been the whole conversation in general.

Realizing what he was about to do, Justin pulled up at the last second, kissing her on her forehead.  As he pulled back he locked eyes with her again, the urge to kiss her still strong as ever and he knew that he had to get away from her before he did something foolish.

“I’m sorry I was so pushy and if I upset you in any way.  I know you don’t need to be upset right now.  Just remember what I said ok, Kerr.  I love you, I’d do anything for you and you are so amazingly beautiful.  So if you ever have any doubts in the future, just think about that ok?  But now I’m gonna run downstairs to the studio.  I’m feeling a little creative and I need to get that out.”

“Oh, ok.” Kerrigan mumbled. She was confused as to why he was rushing off so quickly, when before he was hell bent on having this conversation out with her.  But she wasn’t going to argue with it.  She didn’t want to talk about any of that stuff to begin with.  And after the things he had just said to her she figured it was probably a good idea that she has some time alone.  There were a lot of things she needed to sort out in her head.
 

Chapter 61

( 3 weeks later )

“You sure you don’t need any help in there, J?” Kerrigan called into the kitchen from the living room.

Justin was making them some dinner, or so he claimed.  Kerrigan had no clue what he could possibly be making.  Typically he was a heat everything up in the microwave kinda guy, but he’d been in there for a while now and Kerrigan was growing weary of what he could actually be doing.

“For the billionth time, I got it.” he called back.  She had only asked to help him a good ten times in the last half hour.  He didn’t know if she was just bored senseless or if she really didn’t trust his cooking ability.

But it wasn’t like he was making something that was a real challenge.  It was just spaghetti, who could mess that up?  Even he could make spaghetti.

“Just thought I’d ask.” he heard her say from the other room and he couldn’t help but chuckle to himself.

The last few weeks had been pretty uneventful.  Well, as uneventful as possible.  They had finally heard when Kerrigan’s trial was going to be.  It had been set for the 10th of January, just a few weeks away since it was already mid December.

They had met with Johnny again a couple times to go over everything and Kerrigan was doing a really good job of pretending not to be worried but both Trace and Justin could see right through that.  But they were worried too.  Everyone was worried.

The guys had all been informed about what was going on and had all stopped by individually at some point or another to check in on Kerrigan and see how everything was going.  Kerrigan’s family was flipping out, they couldn’t believe what had happened.  Justin kept trying to talk Kerrigan into telling them the truth, but she had said it would only make things worse.  And Justin knew Kerrigan’s Mom well enough to know that if she found out Kerrigan was taking the blame for something Justin had done she really would flip out and that was the last thing they needed at the moment.

And of course Justin’s Mom was worried about both of them.  She worried about Kerrigan’s fragile state of mind.  And she worried about her son worrying about Kerrigan.  It seemed like everyone was at their wits end and worrying about one thing or another.  So the idea that the trial was coming up soon was comforting in the sense that it would soon be all over.  But at the same time it was scary because they still didn’t fully know what to expect.

Justin had also finally gotten involved with the details of his record sales.  “Justified” was doing incredibly well on the charts and had surpassed anything he could have expected in sales.  He was proud of himself and his accomplishment.  It made him feel great to know that so many people had enjoyed his album.  And it made him feel even better when Kerrigan had told him how proud she was of him and his accomplishments with the album.  It just meant so much more coming from her.

And then there was Trace, who had seemingly given up on his task to get Justin to open up about his feelings.  He had droned on about it for another week or so after Justin had mentioned it to him, but after seeing that his words were going in one ear and out the other he had given up.  Which was exactly what Justin had wanted to begin with.  He had a hard enough time fighting off the urges he felt inside and dealing with his own conscious, without having to deal with Trace as well.  So at least some of that stress had been relieved.

Kerrigan still somehow ended up in his room every night though.  Still Justin didn’t mind that.  It felt good to hold her close, knowing that he was helping her in some way.  Hell, it felt good just to hold her, even if it wasn’t in the way he truly wanted to.

Justin was also happy to see that Kerrigan was doing much better.  All of her bruises had faded and she’d had the stitches removed from her back a couple weeks prior.  The scaring that was left wasn’t nearly as bad as Justin had thought it would be.  In fact the Doctor had stated at her last check up that with time you would barely be able to see them at all.

Her ribs were also healing nicely.  The doctor had done another set of X-rays to check on their progress and had stated that they appeared to be healed, however they were still very fragile so she still had to take it easy, at least for another couple of weeks.  But for the most part, she could get back to her regular routine.

That news had thrilled Kerrigan.  She hated depending on other people to help her and Justin knew she was sick of asking Becca for help with things.  As soon as she had been able to do things on her own she had started refusing the assistance.  But then Justin couldn’t blame her there.  Having someone helping you bath yourself probably wasn’t the funest thing in the world.  At least not in the sense that she needed the help.

Stirring the sauce on the stove once more, Justin turned when he heard footsteps behind him.  He jumped when he realized how close Kerrigan actually was behind him.  She was attempting to look over his shoulder at what he was cooking.  He didn’t know how she had gotten that close without him hearing her before, but assumed that because he was so lost in thought a bomb could have gone off beside him and he wouldn’t have noticed.

“You just couldn’t stay in the other room, could you?” he joked, turning back to the stove.

“Well, you’ve been in here for a while and you claimed to be cooking and I just couldn’t wait any longer.  You’re making spaghetti?”

“Yeah, why?” he asked, eyeing her over his shoulder.

“No reason really, I just didn’t know it took this long to make spaghetti.” she shrugged, walking over to the center island, hopping up to sit on it.

“Yeah, well we didn’t have any sauce so I had to make it from scratch.” he shrugged, turning to stir the sauce once more before walking over and joining Kerrigan on the countertop.

“You made it from scratch?” she questioned wearily, almost as if the thought petrified her.

“I called my Grandma and got her recipe.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to poison you.” he half laughed.

“Who’s worried?” she asked, giving him her best “non-worried” look.

Justin chuckled, hopping back down from the counter.  “You are.  I can see it on your face.”

“Well, I have to admit, you making something from scratch is a little scary.  And the idea that you did it all on your own is even scarier.”

“Believe it or not Kerr, I can cook ya know.”

“I didn’t say you couldn’t.  It’s just most of the time you cook TV dinners and stuff like that.” she smirked.

“Is this give Justin a hard time day or did I miss something?” he asked as he broke the pasta up and threw it into the boiling pot on the stove.

“No, I was just a little shocked is all.”

“Just because I don’t cook like this every day, doesn’t mean I can’t cook at all.” he paused to wipe his hands off on a dish towel.  “Now, if you wanna talk about someone that can’t cook to save his life, we can talk about JC.  That boy lives off of frozen pizzas and hot pockets.”

Kerrigan laughed, she knew that was the truth.  JC couldn’t cook if his life depended on it.  “I didn’t say you couldn’t cook, J.”

“Doesn’t matter if you did or not.  I can and I am, so shut up and go set the table.  It’ll be ready soon.”

“Oh, so you’re finally gonna let me help?” she joked.

“Just go make the table.” he said, turning back to the stove.

Kerrigan snickered to herself as she grabbed some plates and silverware and headed for the dinning room table to set it up for dinner.

“All done.” she said, brushing her hands together like she’d just completed a major task.

Justin laughed at her.  “Is Trace joining us for dinner tonight or is he out with Becca again?”

“He’s with Becca.  He’s helping her study for her exams.” she said as she hopped back up on the island counter top again.

“Helping her study, huh.  I’m really sure that’s what they’re doing.”

“Shut up, Justin.  They can do whatever they want.”

“I didn’t say they couldn’t.  But they don’t have to make up lame ass excuses like that to spend time together alone.  If they wanna go back to her place and get it on, then they should just say so.”

Kerrigan rolled her eyes.  “You’re so crude some times.”

“It’s not crude.  It’s the truth.  We’re all adults here.  It’s not like we don’t know what they’re really doing anyways.” Justin said, turning to give her a mischievous smirk.

Kerrigan laughed at his expression, he looked so devious.  “I think someone’s jealous.”

“Jealous of what?” he asked, leaning against the counter beside the stove.  “Of Trace?”

“Not of Trace, but of him having someone to “get it on with” as you put it.  Why haven’t you been going out lately?  I thought you and Alyssa were still talking?”

Justin groaned, giving her a dirty look.  “For the gazillionth time, me and Alyssa were only friends.  She’s got herself a new man, I believe he’s the guy she was talking to at my release party.  Besides, I’d much rather stick around here and pester you.”

“Yeah, because pestering me is SO much fun.”

Justin turned back to the stove, but not before giving her a smirk.  “It really is.”

Kerrigan laughed at him, she loved their friendly banter.  She loved spending time with him period.  He’d been so supportive over the last few weeks and he hadn’t left her side.  Although, at times she wished he would have so she could have a little time to breath on her own, but she did appreciate his effort.

“Kerr, c’mere for a sec.”

She hopped off the counter and walked the few feet to his side.  “What’s up?”

“Here, I want you to taste this.” he said, holding up a wooden spoon, covered in red, steaming sauce.

Kerrigan shrugged, accepting the tip of the spoon for a taste as Justin raised it to her mouth.  “Wow, that tastes really good.” she smiled, savoring the great taste of the sauce.

“Did you think it would be bad?”

“Well, I mean you cooked it so you never know.” she joked.

Justin gave her a dirty look.  “Thanks a lot, Kerr.” he said, then tapping the spoon against her cheek, leaving a smudge of the red sauce there.

“Justin!” Kerrigan exclaimed.  “Why’d you do that?” she asked, looking around for something to wipe her face off with.

“Because you were being mean to me.” he smirked.

“I wasn’t being mean to you.”

“You said it might taste bad because I cooked it.”

“I was playing with you, jeez!” she said, still not locating anything in her immediate area to wipe her face with.

“Oh, God Kerrigan.  It’s just spaghetti sauce.  It’s not gonna kill ya.”

“Just give me a towel or something to wipe my face.”

“You don’t need a towel.” he said, leaning over he licked the sauce from her cheek.  “See, all gone.” he said as he pulled back, their eyes immediately locking.

Kerrigan wore a completely stunned expression and Justin couldn’t help but smile because of it.

“You licked me.” she stated, dumbfounded.

“It was easier than getting a towel.” he shrugged.

“But you licked me.” she repeated.

“Do you want me to lick you again?” he joked.

Kerrigan didn’t know what to say to  him.  He was staring at her with this wicked smirk on his face and she didn’t know whether to laugh or to punch him.  She wasn’t really upset with what he had done, but she didn’t really know how to react to it.  He’d never done anything like that before.

When Kerrigan didn’t answer Justin’s smile grew.  She seemed so shocked with what he had done.  Hell, he was a little shocked with himself, he had no idea what had gotten into him for him to actually lick her face.  But part of him was loving it.  Seeing her reaction.  He wanted to laugh at the expression she wore.

“Would it make you feel better if you licked me back?” he asked.  He was having too much fun with this and there was just this part of him inside that wanted to see how she would react.  Like it was really going to tell him anything.

But Kerrigan didn’t say anything, she just stared at him and that’s when the smile slowly disappeared from Justin’s face.  Their eyes were locked and something was happening but he had no idea what it was, but he could feel it.  Something was definitely happening.

For the longest moment they simply stared into each other’s eyes.  And for the briefest moment Justin thought Kerrigan was going to kiss him, or that she was at least thinking about kissing him.  There was just something about the look in her eyes.

But before his prayer could be granted, Kerrigan snapped out of her daze, snapping him out of his as well when she playfully smacked him in the arm.  “You’re so gross!” she laughed.

Ok, not the reaction he’d been hoping for, but at least she wasn’t pissed at him.

Snapping himself out of his thoughts, Justin laughed it off and turned his attention back to the food still cooking on the stove.  “So are you excited about Christmas?”

Kerrigan shrugged, leaning her back against the counter.  “As excited as I can be I guess.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.  But we need to make the best of it.  I mean after all we….” he trailed off, not wanting to complete his thought.  He knew it would only upset Kerrigan.

But he was too late, she already knew what he was going to say.  She could read his thoughts so easily because she was thinking the exact same thing.  “Because we don’t know if we’ll get to share another one.” she finished for him.

“I wasn’t going to….”

She cut him off.  “Yes, you were.  It’s ok, J.  I was thinking the same thing too.”

“I’m sure it’ll all be fine, Kerr.  Johnny, seems confident about everything.  We should just try to forget about it until after the Holidays.  That way we can enjoy the time with our families.”

“You’re right.  Let’s agree to not bring that up anymore, at least not until after Christmas.  This is a time to be thankful and celebrate and be with our families.   Besides,  Christmas is stressful enough without adding anymore stress factors to the whole ordeal.”

“I agree.  So no more talk about the trial till after Christmas.”

Kerrigan smiled.  “Till after Christmas.”
 
 

Chapter 62

Authors’ note:The song in this chapter is by Justin Guarini, but for story purposes let’s “pretend” Justin Timberlake really wrote this! *wink*
 

Christmas had come and gone with the blink of an eye.

After getting special permission from the courts, Justin, Trace and Kerrigan had flown home to Tennessee to be with their families for the Christmas Holiday.  It had been nice for all of them to be back home and with their families.

Kerrigan and Justin’s family had shared Christmas day together, as the Wallace’s didn’t have any other children and both of Kerrigan’s parent’s Mother and Father’s were dead.  So it had been like every other year before.  Christmas at the Harless’ home.

It seemed strange that for the few days that they were there, not one person had brought up Kerrigan’s pending trial.  It seemed that everyone was avoiding the subject, but that was quite alright with Kerrigan.  She didn’t want to think about it anymore than she had to.  And she certainly didn’t want to talk about it with her parents.  She just wanted to forget for the time being that it was even happening and pretend that everything that was going on and that had happened over the last few months had never really happened at all.

But now they were back in California, New Years only a couple days away and her Trial only a couple weeks away.  So now it was time to get back to her reality.

They had several meetings with Johnny over the next couple of weeks to prepare Kerrigan, Justin and Trace for what was going to take place at the trial.  So now she had to actually acknowledge that it was all true and really happening.  That she could possibly go to prison.

“You heading to bed already?” Trace asked, snapping Kerrigan from her thoughts as she headed for her room.  She hadn’t realized anyone else was in the hallway.

“Oh, yeah.  I’m really tired from the flight and I just wanna go to sleep.”

“Yeah, I’ll probably turn in before long too.  That time change always throws me for a loop.”

Kerrigan smiled at him.  “I know what you mean.  I’ll see you in the morning.  Tell J I said goodnight.”

“Will do.” Trace waved as he headed off down the hall.  “G’night, Kerr.” he called over his shoulder.

“Night Trace.” she called back before disappearing into her room.

Trace headed back downstairs to the living room where Justin was sprawled out on one of the sofas watching TV.  Flopping down on the opposite sofa, he looked at the TV and then to Justin.  “What are you watching?”

“Cops.  There isn’t anything else on.” he shrugged, his eyes never wandering from the television.

“Figures.” Trace said, focusing on the high speed pursuit that was taking place on the television.

The guys sat quietly for a little while watching all of the dramatic events that unfolded on the television set before Justin finally looked up and around the room realizing Kerrigan had never rejoined them.  “Did Kerrigan go to bed already?”

“Yeah, she said she was tired and wanted to go to sleep.  Said to tell you goodnight, sorry I forgot.”

“Oh, ok.” Justin said, refocusing on the TV.

Trace sat there for a few minutes longer before finally deciding he’d seen enough of Cops and was just going to go to bed himself.  He stood up and looked over at Justin.  “I think I’m gonna go crash too.  The time difference always throws me off and I think I’m still exhausted from all the Christmas festivities.”

Justin nodded, never really breaking his focus on the TV.  “Alright man, goodnight.”

Trace eyed Justin for a moment.  He’d been fairly quiet since they’d gotten home from Tennessee.  He could tell something was troubling Justin, but it was obvious he didn’t want to talk about it.  “J, everything ok?” he asked, knowing it would be useless, but asking all the same.

“Yeah, everything’s fine.  Why?” he said, finally looking up to meet Trace’s eyes.

“You’re just really quiet.”

“Well, I guess I’m just tired too.”

“You thinking about the Trial?” Trace questioned, already knowing the answer.

Justin nodded, there was no need to lie.  Trace would see right through it.  “Yeah.  Among other things.”

“Wanna talk about it?” he offered.

Justin gave him a small smile, but shook his head no.  “Not really.  But thanks.”

Trace nodded.  “Alright.  Well, then I’ll see ya in the morning.  If you change your mind you know where to find me.”

“Ok.  Night man.” Justin said, turning his attention back to the television.

Trace sighed and headed for bed.  Maybe tomorrow would be a better day and Justin would feel more like talking then.  But Trace wasn’t going to hold his breath for that.
 

Kerrigan sat up quickly in her bed, breathing heavily, her heart racing in her chest.  She had just had the worst dream.  She’d dreamed that she had been found guilty of Cody’s murder and was sentenced to death.

She knew the dream was a bit extreme and she wasn’t even up for the death penalty, but her mind had a way of getting away from her.  Especially, when she was dreaming.

She laid in her bed for a good hour trying to go back to sleep, but she couldn’t.  She was scared.  The closer they got to the trial date the more clear everything became.  She might actually go to prison.  She might actually be put behind bars.  And strange enough it wasn’t the thought of being incarcerated that troubled her so.  It was the idea of not getting to see Justin anymore.

If she was sentenced to prison then she would no longer be able to see Justin, Trace, the guys or any of her family.  Sure, they’d be able to visit her but it wouldn’t be the same.  And Kerrigan honestly couldn’t even picture Justin or any of the other Nsync guys coming to see her in prison.  The headlines on those photos would be priceless.

Feeling the need to be close to Justin, since she didn’t know how much time she actually had left with him.  Kerrigan climbed out of her bed and made her way down the hall to his room.  She knocked on the door softly but got no response.

Figuring he was already asleep she opened the door quietly with the full intent of joining him in bed so she could possibly feel safe enough to go back to sleep.  But Justin wasn’t in his bed or anywhere in his room.

Assuming he had probably fallen asleep on the sofa downstairs, Kerrigan exited his room and made her way downstairs to the living room in search of him.  This wouldn’t be the first time he had fallen asleep watching television and she was sure it probably wouldn’t be the last either.  But when she got to the living room the TV was off and the room was dark.

For a moment she was confused as to where he could be, but then she heard the soft sound of his piano coming from the den.

Heading down the hall, Kerrigan’s ears perked up.  As she got closer she could hear the beautiful sound of the piano combined with the soft sound of Justin’s voice.  She knew right away he was working on a song.  This wasn’t the first time she had ever stumbled upon him working on something in the middle of the night.

As she got to the room, she perched her body in the doorway, not wanting to disturb him, but fully intent on hearing what he was working on.

Kerrigan absorbed the gentle keystrokes of the piano and Justin’s raspy, emotion filled voice as it  carried through the room and past her out into the hall.

You don't have to hide baby,
Cause I will be your protector.
Let's take a ride,
On a trip that's gonna last forever,
I'm positive this will work (it's gonna work)
You're smiling cause you know you feel it too.
Baby, all I ever wanted was you.

As she listened to the words that were escaping Justin’s lips she was overcome with emotion.  She wasn’t sure but it seemed as if he was singing about her.  But that also confused her because he said the words “all I ever wanted was you” and that just didn’t make sense to her.

With a heavy heart, Kerrigan moved slowly and quietly as possible into the room.  She didn’t want to disturb him and she wasn’t ready for him to know she was there yet.  She wanted, she needed, to hear more of the song.

She approached him from behind as quietly as she could until she was standing right behind him.  He didn’t seem to notice she was there, if he did he hadn’t acknowledged her presence.

Peeking over his shoulder at the paper that was laid before him on top of the piano Kerrigan scanned the scribbled writing, looking over some of the words that stuck out to her.  But then something caught her eyes.

Something that answered all of the questions swimming around inside of her head.  The words “Kerrigan’s Song” scribbled at the top of the paper and a small gasp escaped her lips.

Justin immediately stopped playing and turned to look at her, slightly startled.  He hadn’t heard her enter the room and judging by the expression on her face something was wrong but he wasn’t sure what it was.

He didn’t know what to do.  He wasn’t sure what she had heard or what she was gasping about and all she was doing was staring at him with this emotion filled expression.  He wasn’t sure if she understood what the song was about and that’s the reason she was looking at him the way she was.  Or if she simply found the song beautiful.  Or perhaps she had had another bad dream and that was why she looked a little upset.

When she continued to stare at him without saying anything Justin decided that someone needed to say something, so he uttered the first thing that came to his mind.  “Did I wake you?”

Kerrigan shook her head no, remaining quiet for a moment before she finally spoke in a soft voice.  “No.  I couldn’t sleep.”

“Another bad dream?” he asked.

“Yeah.” she nodded, still watching him.  “That song.  It’s really beautiful.”

“Thanks.” he said.  “It’s just something I’ve been working on.”

Kerrigan nodded, moving closer to him.  “Could you play it for me?”

Justin was quiet.  He was hesitant to play the song for her because it meant a lot to him.  It expressed a lot of the things he was feeling inside for her and he wasn’t sure what she would think about it.  If she would realize it was about  her or if she would think it was just really something he was working on.

But after a moment he relented.  There was no way he could refuse her.  She looked sincerely touched by whatever portion of it she had heard before and something inside of him was telling him that he NEEDED to play the song for her.  If she realized who it was about then she realized, but he couldn’t lie to her about it.  It meant far too much to him.

“Ok.” he nodded.  “Here, sit down.” he said scooting over on the piano bench to make room for her.  Kerrigan sat down beside him and Justin looked over at her giving her a small smile.  “I’m still working on it so some things may change.  But I’m pretty happy with it so far.”

Kerrigan simply nodded in return.  She had no words, she was simply eager to hear the song in full.

Justin took a deep breath, settling his fingers over the keys of the piano.  He gave Kerrigan one last glance out the corner of his eye before his fingers started to strum the keys and his voice filled the room once again.

Look in my eyes
I know you see the love inside me.
I know that you're scared,
But I'm not gonna hurt you baby.
Just give me your hand (give me your hand)
I'll show you love is never ending,
We will fly away, and never look back again, no

I wanna take you away,
I got a little house where we can stay.
I wanna make you my own.
If you don't try you'll never know.
'Cause I could be the love of your life.
Until you make up your mind,
I'm gonna spend my time thinking of you, yeah

You don't have to hide baby,
Cause I will be your protector.
Let's take a ride,
On a trip that's gonna last forever,
I'm positive this will work (it's gonna work)
You're smiling cause you know you feel it too.
Baby, all I ever wanted was you.

I wanna to take you away,
I got a little house where we can stay.
I wanna make you my own.
If you don't try you'll never know.
'Cause I could be the love of your life.
Until you make up your mind,
I'm gonna spend my time thinking of you, yeah

Let's take a chance baby.
What have we got to lose?
I will show the world that I'm the best for you.
You will see my love will take you where you've never been.
All you gotta do is say yes to make me your man.
Your man...

I wanna take you away,
I got a little house where we can stay.
I wanna make you my own.
If you don't try you'll never know.
'Cause I could be the love of your life.
Until you make-up your mind,
I'm gonna spend my time thinking of you,,,,,,,,,

I wanna take you away
I wanna make you my own
I wanna take you away
I wanna make you my own
Take you away baby
I wanna make you my own

The faint sounds of the piano drifted off throughout the room as Justin finished his song.  He looked over at Kerrigan to find tears streaming down her face.  “What’s wrong?” he asked worriedly.

Kerrigan wiped her tears away, and looking up at Justin she asked; “Do you really feel that way?”
 

( Thinking Of You ~ Justin Guarini )
 
 
 
 

Chapter 63

Justin stared into Kerrigan’s tear filled eyes unsure of how to answer her question.  He didn’t mean for her to hear the song yet.  He wasn’t sure he would ever even play it for her, but it was his way of releasing some of the pent up emotions that were coursing through him for her.  But now having seen her response, he was glad that she had heard the song.

Growing somewhat emotional himself, Justin slowly wiped the tears from Kerrigan’s eyes.  He had to follow his heart, it was now or never.  She was asking and he couldn’t lie to her.  “I’ve never meant anything as much as I mean the lyrics in that song.”

Kerrigan nodded, a little shaky.  She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.  “So you’re saying…saying that you wanna be with me?” she asked, a little unsure.

Justin smiled sweetly at her.  “Yeah.  That’s what I’m saying.”

Kerrigan’s eyes dropped to her hands that were placed in her lap.  She didn’t know how to respond to that.  She didn’t understand where these feeling from him were coming from all of the sudden.  She had been waiting YEARS for him to utter words like that to her and now that he was, she didn’t know what to think.  How to react.

“Kerrigan?” he questioned, when she wouldn’t look at him.

Immediately his heart sank, thinking the worst.  He had really messed up this time.  She wasn’t ready to know how he felt about her and judging from her reaction she obviously didn’t feel the same way.  She appeared to be upset by his words, taken off guard.

“I’m sorry, I guess I shouldn’t have told you that.  I know you’ve got a lot on your plate right now and you really don’t need me making confessions of love to you in the  middle of everything that’s going on right now.” he said solemnly.

Kerrigan looked up quickly hearing his words.  “Confessions of love?”

“I know, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.” he said, starting to back away.

“NO!” she grabbed his arm, halting his retreat.

Justin eyed her wearily.  “What do you mean, no?”

Tears once again started to stream down Kerrigan’s face.  She was overcome by her emotions, hearing Justin admit that he loved and as more than just a friend.  Her heart was racing in her chest and she couldn’t hold her feeling in any longer.  He seemed scared that she didn’t feel the same way and she was going to assure him that she did.  That she in fact loved him and had for years.

“Justin, I…I…” but she couldn’t get the words out.

“What, Kerrigan?” he urged, somewhat hopeful.

“I…I….dammit!” she cried, frustrated that she couldn’t utter the words.  Her heart was racing so fast inside her chest and she was so overwhelmed with everything that had taken place she just couldn’t spit the words out.  So she did the only other thing she could think to do.  She leaned forwarded, grabbing his face between her hands and kissed him.

Her kiss took Justin by surprise, therefore it took him a moment to respond.  But only a moment, a very brief moment.

Wrapping his arms around Kerrigan tightly, he held her to him as he returned her kiss.  Fireworks were literally going off inside his head and heart.  He had waited so long for this.  So long to be able to kiss her, really kiss her.

Moving one of his hands from her back to the side of her face, he gently caressed her cheek as he deepened the kiss.  He never wanted to stop kissing her.  It felt so incredible to have her in his arms.  To be kissing her and having her kiss him back.  No worries of how he would have to explain away his actions in the end, because SHE had initiated the kiss.

They kissed for what seemed like forever, before Justin finally pulled away from the embrace.  Leaning back in to gently place a few more small pecks on her lips as a smile spread across his face.

A smile spread across Kerrigan’s face as well.  She couldn’t help but smile.  Something she had been waiting years for, was finally happening and she couldn’t be any happier if she tried.

Staring into Justin’s eyes she finally found the words she had been trying so badly to utter before.  “I love you, Justin.”

Justin’s heart swelled inside his chest as he pulled Kerrigan into a tight hug, swearing to himself he would NEVER let her go.  “God, I love you too, Kerrigan.” he uttered into her hair.

They sat there, on the piano bench for what seemed like forever, holding each other as close as humanly possible.  They were both so consumed with what was happening that they weren’t sure what to do next.  What to say next.  But none of that really mattered at the moment, because they had each other.  They were together and that was the only thing that really mattered in the end.

After a long moment of holding each other close, Justin slowly pulled away.  Looking at Kerrigan he gave her a relieved smile.  “God, I was so scared there for a minute that I had really fucked up.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because I’ve been telling myself for the longest time now that I wouldn’t do this.  That I would mess everything up.”

“What do you mean mess everything up?” she questioned.

Justin sighed, he needed to explain.  “I didn’t think you was ready for another relationship after everything you’ve been through.  I promised myself I would hold back my feelings because of that.  And I wasn’t sure how you felt.  Honestly, I didn’t think you looked at me like that.”

“How long have you been feeling this way?”

“Since truth or dare.  Well, actually before that, but I didn’t really realize that that’s what was going on with me till then.”

“Going on with you?”

“Yeah.  Why I hated Cody.  Why it bothered me so much to see you two together.  I mean I had a bad feeling about him from the beginning, but a lot of it was also because I was jealous as hell.  At first I fooled myself into believing it was just because he was stealing all of your attention away from me.  But after I kissed you that night, I knew what I’d been denying all along.”

“Which was?” she was enjoying his confession and wasn’t about to stop him.

“That I was in love with you and had been for a long time.”

“Can I tell you something?” she asked, somewhat shyly.

“Of course.” he smiled.

“I’ve been in love with you for a long time too.”

“You have?” he said, surprised.

“Yeah.  Since we were younger actually.  It started out as just a crush, but grew over the years.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

Kerrigan sighed; “Because I was scared.  You was with Britney and I didn’t wanna lose your friendship by messing it up by telling you something like that.”

“Why didn’t you say something after we broke up then?”

“Because, J.  You was really hurting at the time.  The last thing you needed was me confessing THAT!”

“I guess.” he sighed, feeling somewhat bad to learn she had been in love with him for so long and he had never realized it.

“It doesn’t’ matter now.” she told him.

“True.” he paused.  “But can I ask…if you loved me, then why did you get involved with Cody?”

Kerrigan looked down at her hands before looking back up to meet Justin’s eyes.  “Because I didn’t think you felt the same way.  And I was tired of being just one of the guys, so when Cody came along I jumped on it.  He made me feel special and wanted.  I guess I just needed that kind of attention.  I was trying to forget about my feelings for you because I didn‘t think they‘d ever be returned.”

“I see.” he paused, thinking about her words.  “I jut wish I would have realized this sooner.  We could have been together a long time ago.  And you wouldn’t be where you are now.  And you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

“But that’s the past, Justin.  It won’t do us any good to dwell on it now.  We can only move forward.”

“Now you sound like me.” he said, referring to the lecture he had given her just a few weeks before.

“Well, you’re a smart guy.  So maybe you should take some of your own advice.”

“Yeah, I guess.” he said, smiling at her.  She looked so beautiful sitting there before him.  Her lips still slightly swollen form their kiss.

Leaning forward he gently kissed her again.  When he pulled back, Kerrigan smiled at him.  “What was that for?”

“I couldn’t help myself.  Besides I’ve gotta make up for lost time.” he smirked, leaning in to kiss her again.

Kerrigan smiled when he pulled away for the second time.  “I can live with that.”

“Good.” he smiled.

They were both quiet for a moment.  Just watching each other, taking it all in.

Finally, Justin spoke up.  “You wanna go to bed?”

Kerrigan raised her eyebrows at his question.

Justin rolled his eyes.  “Not like that!  I’m not rushing all that.  I’m not gonna lie and say I don’t wanna make love to you.  But it’s too soon.  I don’t think we’re ready for all of that yet.”

“And if I said I was?” she asked, giving him a wicked smile.

Justin groaned.  “Girl, don’t tempt me!” he said, as he pulled her up from the bench, leading her out of the room.

Kerrigan laughed.  “I’m just playin’.  I agree with you.  It’s too soon.”

Justin nodded.  “Besides your ribs are still healing and I don’t wanna send ya back to the hospital.”

Kerrigan gave him a funny look.  “You think highly of yourself.”

Justin smirked.  “Oh, just you wait.  You’ll find out soon enough.” he said, leading her up the stairs.

“I guess.” she said in a bored, teasing tone.

“Shut up.  Let’s just go to bed.” he laughed, pulling her into his room.

They settled into the bed together.  Justin finally getting to hold Kerrigan the way he truly wanted.  Both of them falling asleep with peaceful, content smiles on their faces.
 
 

Chapter 64

( Next morning )

Kerrigan laid silently in Justin’s arms.  She had been awake for a while but was afraid to move, fearful that she would wake him and realize the previous night had all been a dream.  And if that were the case she never wanted Justin to wake up, she never wanted that dream to end.

Another part of her was unsure of how to handle the situation if it weren’t just a dream.  They had been “friends” for so long and the idea of venturing into a relationship with him, although exciting, was also rather awkward.  Kerrigan didn’t know what to expect, or how she was supposed to act.  This was Justin, everything was different with Justin.

Unconsciously sighing at her dilemma, Kerrigan closed her eyes hoping to fall back asleep.  Maybe when she woke up later she would have all the answers her mind was so rapidly asking for.  But the only thing she had accomplish, was to wake Justin.

He felt her deep intake of breath, and heard the sigh escape her lips.  That had been enough to wake him from his content sleep.  His body was so in tune with the fact that she was laying next to him, and not just because she’d had a bad dream, but really laying with him because that’s where she wanted to be, that it wouldn’t have taken much of anything from her to wake him.

His eyes fluttered open slowly, taking in the back of her head.  A small smile spread across his face, she was really there, she was really his.  He pulled her closer to him, burying his face in her hair, taking a deep cleansing breath.

“You awake?” he asked groggily, his face still in her hair.

Kerrigan’s eyes shot open at the sound of his voice.  She’d been hoping that he was merely pulling her closer to him, not that he was actually awake.  So much for that idea.

Now the challenge really begun, how was she supposed to act?  How was she supposed to talk to him?  She was so confused, but decided to just follow his lead.  “Yeah.”

Cuddling into her further, Justin moved his head from the back of her head to the side of her face, leaving a sweet kiss just below her ear.  “Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah.” Kerrigan choked out, she wanted to cry.  This was real, Justin really did love her and not just as a friend, but as a woman.

“Hey…” he said, turning her over to her back so he could look at her.  He could tell something was wrong, he could hear it in her voice.

Kerrigan stared up at him as he leaned in, hovering above her.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, watching her closely.

“Nothing’s wrong.” she paused, not sure of how to explain her thoughts.

“Something’s bugging you, I can see it in your eyes.” he paused in thought.  Worry immediately overtaking him.  “Are you having second thoughts about last night?  The things you said?”

Kerrigan shook her head.  “No.”

“Well, then what’s wrong?” he asked, growing desperate.

“This is just weird.” she said vaguely, but Justin knew what she was referring to.

“Weird?  It feels perfect to me.”

Despite the awkwardness, Kerrigan had to admit it felt perfect to her as well.  “Yeah, it does.  It’s just weird, ya know.  I mean….everything’s different now.”

Justin smiled.  “Yeah, it is.  Cause I can do this now…” he said, leaning down, kissing her softly on her lips.  “and I don’t have to worry about getting slapped.”

“I never slapped you any of the other times you kissed me.” she defended, the awkwardness slowly slipping away.

“No, but I was scared you were going to.” he chuckled.

“Were you really?”

“Well, not at the exact moment I was kissing you, I was too caught up in all that to think about being slapped.  It was after I kissed you that I suddenly worried about how you were going to react.”

Kerrigan smiled.  “I never would of slapped you.  Do you have any idea how many times I WANTED you to kiss me?”

A cocky smile appeared on Justin’s face.  “So you longed for my lips, huh?”

Kerrigan snorted, setting up in the bed.  “Here we go again with the ego.” she said, as she attempted to get up from the bed.

“Oh, no you don’t!” Justin laughed, pulling her back into the bed, pinning her beneath him.  “You’re not going anywhere just yet.  I’m not ready for you to leave my bed.”

“Oh, so you want me in your bed, huh?” Kerrigan grinned at him seductively.

“Well, that’s one way of putting it.”

Kerrigan laughed.  “Keep dreaming, Timberflake.” she said, attempting to push him off of her.

“Timberflake?  I’ll show you a Timberflake.” Justin warned, leaning down, capturing Kerrigan’s mouth with his.

The kiss started off slow and gentle, but it didn’t take long for Justin to deepen the kiss.  He felt a desperation inside; he never wanted to stop kissing her.  If he thought he could get away with kissing her for forever, he would surely try.

And Kerrigan had no arguments whatsoever.  She too felt the desperation in her soul.  She had waited so long for this, she had dreamt about this.  And now that she finally had it, she never wanted it to end.

As the intensity of the kiss grew, Kerrigan pulled Justin closer.  The need to be near him overwhelming.  While Justin longed to touch her, touch her in a way that had never been permitted before, but was often thought and dreamt about.

Sliding his hands down the length of her torso, finding the hem of her tankie, he slid his hands under the material to meet the soft skin of her stomach.  He just needed to touch her, to feel her presence.

Kerrigan’s hands slid from Justin’s neck, down his back.  She could feel the rippling of his strong capable muscles through his t-shirt and ached to feel his skin as well.  And so she did, she slid her hands to the hem of his shirt, slipping her hands underneath, pushing his shirt up as she slowly ran her hands up the length of his back.

Upon feeling the nippy air on his skin, followed by Kerrigan’s hands on his back, Justin urged forward, his hands wandering up her body, exploring previously uncharted territories.

The intensity of the kiss was growing by leaps and bounds, slowly slipping from passionate to pure desperation.  A desperation to make up for lost time, to console each other in the comfort they felt with one another.

Justin was slowly but surely slipping over the edge of no return, he had never felt this kind of intensity with any other girl before.  Not even Britney.  And although a voice inside his head was telling him to pull back, that they were moving to fast, his heart was pushing him forward.  Or perhaps it was his libido.  Either way, something was pushing him forward even though he knew it wasn’t the best idea in the world or the right timing.

Just as he was about to take the plunge and remove Kerrigan’s shirt, his bedroom door flew open.  “J, have you seen Kerr, she’s not in her ro….oom.” Trace came to a dead halt, as did Justin and Kerrigan.

Kerrigan’s hands were immediately plastered over her face, while Justin turned his attention to Trace, making sure to give the dirtiest look he could muster, even though a part of him inside was screaming “THANK YOU”.  He knew if Trace hadn’t of barged in the way he did, that things surely would have gotten out of hand and it was far too soon for anything like that to happen.  They hadn’t even been a couple for a full twelve hours yet, seeing as their early morning chat had taken place sometime around three and it was now only eleven in the morning.

“Ugh, Trace.  You think you could knock in the future?” Justin said, eyeing his friend.

“I think I can do that.  I’ll just….be downstairs.” Trace stuttered, giving Justin and Kerrigan one last look over before slowly shutting the door.

Justin sighed, removing his body from Kerrigan’s to lay beside her.  He chuckled to himself thinking about how shocked Trace probably was.  He glanced over at Kerrigan and seen that she still had her hands planted over her face and that only caused him to laugh more.  “You can uncover your face now, he’s gone.”

Kerrigan groaned.  Why was she the one that was always getting walked in on?  But at least this time she was fully dressed.

“Awww, come on.  It’s not THAT bad.” Justin said, continuing to chuckle at her.

“You know he’s going to ride us about this right.  He’s NEVER gonna let this one go.” she said, finally removing her hands from her face, looking over at Justin’s amused face beside her.

“Oh, he won’t say shit.  I got too much on him I can throw in his face.” he smiled, leaning over to place a quick kiss upon her lips.  “Besides, it’s probably a really good thing he came in when he did.  Things were getting a little out of hand.”

Kerrigan nodded.  “Yeah.  That was pretty intense.”

“Yeah, it was.  But in a good way, a VERY good way.” he added, leaning in to kiss her again.

The kiss was starting to grow into something more once again when Kerrigan slightly pushed Justin away.  “We better stop before things get out of control again.” she suggested.

Justin sighed, “Yeah, you’re right.  We should also probably head downstairs before Trace thinks we went back to what he interrupted.”

“Do we really have to go down there?” she whined.

Justin laughed.  “You gotta face him sooner or later, Kerr.  Might as well be sooner, get it over with.”

She sighed, “I guess.”

Justin smiled, gave her a quick peck on the lips and jumped up from the bed.  He turned around and held his hands out to her to pull her up as well.  “Come on, let’s get up and get dressed.”

“Ugh, do I have to?  We’re not going anywhere are we?  I mean, why can’t I just wear what I got on, it’s more comfortable.”

“Well, see that’s something we need to discuss.” he said, pulling her into his arms.  “Now that you’re MY GIRL I don’t want you running around in front of Trace in these lil’ tankie’s and stuff.”

Kerrigan scowled at him.  God, she prayed he wasn’t about to get all possessive over her like Cody had been.  “And why not?” she demanded.

Justin smirked, he could tell what she was thinking, but that certainly wasn’t his reasoning.  “Because they’re not the most covering things in the whole world and now that you’re mine, I’m not willing to share the beauty of your curves with Trace anymore.”

Kerrigan’s eyes grew huge.  “JUSTIN!” she squealed, slapping his arm.

“What?  I’m a guy.  And a guys eyes are automatically trained to seek out flesh and curves.”

Kerrigan pulled away from him.  “Are you telling me that you and Trace have been scoping me out?”

Justin shrugged innocently.  “I guess you could say that.”

“JUSTIN!”

“What?  Am I supposed to NOT look when you’re running around in a pair of boxers and these little tank tops with no bra?  I am a guy, Kerrigan.  I can’t help myself.  Besides, I’m not the only one.  Trace and the other guys did it too!” he defended.

Kerrigan’s eyes grew larger.  “You’re NOT helping yourself any here.  You’re just freaking me out.”

“Freaking you out?  I thought you WANTED me to look at you that way?” he scowled.

“You, yes!  Trace, JC, Joey, Lance and Chris NO!”

“It’s ok, I didn’t let them look for very long.” he said smugly, pulling her back to him.

“Oh, yeah and that just makes everything so much better.  I can’t believe this.” she said, shaking her head.

“What?” Justin purred, leaning in to place a soft kiss on her neck.

Leaning in to Justin as he buried his face in her neck she said; “Trace and Joey I can see doing something like that.  Maybe even Chris, cause he’s male like that sometimes.  But Lance and JC?  I never woulda expected that from them.”

Justin snorted.  “They’re guys too, Kerr.  You give them too much credit.  If only you knew half the shit I knew.”

“It’s probably better that I don’t.”

“Yeah, I’ll agree on that.” he said, kissing her neck once again.

Kerrigan’s eyes fluttered shut at the sensations Justin was causing with his gentle kisses.  “So I guess I wasn’t just one of the guys all the time then.  I mean if they were looking at me like that, they apparently did notice I had grown up.”

“Kerrigan, you were never just one of the guys and trust me we all noticed.  Some a little sooner than others.” he said, referring to himself.  “But trust me, we all noticed.”
 
 

Chapter 65
 

Trace looked up from the TV as Justin entered the room.  He watched his friend as he casually and carelessly made his way over to the sofa and took a seat at the opposite end.  Justin didn’t speak, he merely focused his attention on the TV, ignoring Trace’s presence.  It was obvious he had no intentions of offering up any kind of explanation for what Trace had walked in on, but there was no way Trace was going to let him get off that easy.  He’d ask, he wasn’t scared to ask.

“So you wanna explain what was going on upstairs?”  he questioned, eyeing Justin.

“Not really, no.” Justin shrugged, never looking away from the television.

“Well, I think you should.  I mean after all this “I can’t pursue her, she’s not ready, I can’t do that.” shit you’ve been throwing around for weeks, and now I walk in your room and find you making out with her, on the verge of doing things I don’t even wanna think about and all you can say is no?”

“Pretty much, yeah.” Justin said, trying desperately to maintain his careless expression.  He wanted to smile, to laugh so badly that it was taking all his will power to hold a straight face.

“Justin….”

“Trace…”

“Ugh!” Trace groaned.  “Would you just tell me and quit playin’ games!”

“Why do I need to tell you anything?  You seen what you saw, that should say it all.” Justin said, finally looking at him.

“Not necessarily.  I mean how am I supposed to know ya’ll weren’t just hooking up for the hell of it.  Ya know, you’re both lonely, needed a little action.”

Justin glared at him and Trace smiled, he knew that would get him.  “Because you know I would NEVER do that to Kerrigan, ya ass!”

“I don’t know anything of the sort.”

“Trace….” Justin warned.

Trace rolled his eyes.  “Fine whatever, I know you wouldn’t do that.  Just explain.  How long has this been going on?  What the hell happened?  I mean you were hell bent just a few days ago, on nothing happening between you two.”

“We talked.”

“You talked?  Yeah, that really clears up my confusion.”

“Look Trace, you don’t need to know every single detail ok?  Just know that we talked, we admitted our feelings to each other and now we’re here.”

“And where exactly is here?” Trace asked.

“A couple, I guess.” Justin shrugged, turning his attention back to the TV.

“You guess?  You either are or you aren’t.  There is no “I guess” about it.”

Justin turned to Trace.  “Look man, things are brand new between us and I don’t wanna start putting labels on it.  I love her and she knows I love her, just like I know she loves me.  That’s all that matters to me right now.”

Trace smiled to himself, this was music to his ears.  “FINALLY!” he said, somewhat loudly.

“Finally, what?” Kerrigan asked perplexed, as she walked into the room.

“Nothing.” Trace covered.

Kerrigan gave him a confused look, but continued on into the room.  As she was passing by Justin, he quickly grabbed her, pulling her down on to his lap.

“Where you going?” he asked, smirking at her mischievously.

“I was GOING to sit down on the sofa.”

“Why, when you can sit right here?” he asked, leaning in to kiss her neck.

Kerrigan pulled away from him slightly, she was somewhat uneasy about the acts of affection being performed in front of Trace.  This was all still very new to her.

She smiled down at Justin.  “Maybe because the sofa is more comfortable than your bony ass lap?”

“I’ll show you bone….”

“Ok, ewwww gross!” Trace groaned, getting up from the sofa.  “I think I’m gonna go to Becca’s or something.  Anywhere but here!” he exclaimed.

“You act like you’ve never seen anyone cuddle before.  You and Becca do it all the time, don’t be such a baby.” Justin retorted.

“Yeah, I cuddle with Becca, not KERRIGAN!  That’s just….just weird.”

“Well, you better get used to it, because you’re going to be seeing a lot of it.”

“Justin….” Kerrigan tried to shut him up.

“No, for real.  I’ve waited a long time for us to be together and now that I’ve FINALLY got that, I don’t give a shit who knows or sees it.” he said, leaning in to kiss her.

Kerrigan was taken a little off guard by Justin’s sudden smooch, but quickly responded.  Kissing him was like heaven and there was no way she could refuse his lips.  She didn’t care who was in the room.

“Come on you guys, get a room.” Trace groaned, when they seemed to be getting into the kiss a little too much for his liking.  At least in his presence.

Kerrigan laughed as she pulled away from Justin, scooting off of his lap.

“Damn it.  Trace, why’d you have to say something, couldn’t you just leave the room?” Justin joked.

“Oh, don’t worry I am.  Like right now.  I’m getting out while the getting is good.” he said, retreating from the room.

He was halted however by the sound of Kerrigan‘s voice; “Oh, yeah and Trace.”

“Huh?” he said, turning to look at her.

“Later, we need to have a lil’ talk about your wandering eyes.”

Trace’s eyes grew large and he glared at Justin.  “You told her?”

“Well, I had to offer some explanation as to why she’s no longer aloud to wear those lil’ tank tops and stuff around you anymore.”

Trace groaned in annoyance.  “Well, maybe I should tell her about…”

Justin jumped up, quickly covering Trace’s mouth with his hand.  “Shut up.” he commanded.

“Oh, no.  Do tell, Trace.”  Kerrigan urged.

“If you do, so help me God Trace.  I’ll lay all your shit out there.” Justin warned.

Trace jerked away from Justin.  “Unlike you I know HOW to keep a secret!” he said before hastily exiting the room.

Justin turned around facing Kerrigan.  He gave her an innocent look, then proceeded to reclaim his seat beside her on the sofa.

“What was Trace going to tell me?” she asked when Justin didn’t speak.

“Oh, nothing important.” Justin waved her off.

“Well, it seemed kinda important to Trace.”

“Well, it’s my little secret.” he said, turning to give her a sexy smile.

Kerrigan nodded.  “Ok, well I’ll let it go for now.  But I’ll ask you again sometime and you better be ready to tell me then.”

“Or what?” he asked, raising his eyebrows at her in challenge.

Kerrigan shrugged nonchalantly, giving him the sweetest, yet utterly seductive smile she could muster.  “Or I won’t tell you about my lil’ secret.”
 

( New Years Eve )

Justin, Kerrigan, Trace and Becca walked into the lively club.  They were at a New Years party a friend of Justin and Trace’s was throwing.  It seemed that everyone was there.  Kerrigan looked around and recognized several people she had seen before at other various events she had been to with Justin.  But this time it was different for her because she was there with Justin as his date.  Not just as a friendly date, but an actual we’re a couple kind of date.

He was holding her hand tightly in his own as he lead the way through the crowd in search of someplace for their small group to sit.

Kerrigan didn’t fail to notice the looks she was getting from people as they passed through the crowd.  Although, she couldn’t be sure if it was because she was with Justin and he was holding her hand or if it was because her face had been plastered on all the newspapers when everything had happened with Cody and they were all aware of the situation.  Perhaps it was a little of both.

She decided to ignore the strange looks she was receiving because she was there to have fun.  This was the first event that she and Justin had been to as a couple and she wanted to take in every detail and cherish it forever.

The last few days had been fairly uneventful.  Justin and Kerrigan had spent the majority of their time at the house, just being together.  Getting to know each other as a couple.

They had ventured out once or twice to run to the store to pick up a few items or what not, but for the most part they just hung out at the house.  They wanted to be alone and since Trace was spending the majority of his time at Becca’s, they had the house to themselves.

Kerrigan was still feeling a bit awkward about the public displays of affection, but Justin didn’t seem to have a problem with it in the least.  She had learned that quickly and it wasn’t because of the simple hand holding either.

As soon as they had walked inside the club, Justin had done a sweep of the room with his eyes, then turned his attention to Kerrigan.  He had given her a comforting smile, then leaned in to place a sweet kiss on her lips.  It was almost as if he was letting it be known that she was there with him, staking his claim if you will.

After what seemed like an endless search for a place for their group to sit, Justin finally found a small table in the corner.  There was only three chairs at the table so Justin, Trace and Becca each took one, while Justin pulled Kerrigan down on his lap.  He had decided upon seeing what she was wearing at the house that he was not about to let her out of his sight.

Justin couldn’t remember a time when Kerrigan had looked so incredibly sexy.  Sure, she always looked good, but the jean mini skirt and tight midriff bearing camisole she was wearing that evening just did him in.  And he was positive that it would have the same effect on every other male in the club, therefore his need to keep her as close to him as possible.

Their small group spent the first couple of hours between talking the best they could over the loud music at their table, or out on the dance floor, living it up.

Trace was getting a huge kick out of watching the evil glares Justin was giving the various men that in Justin’s words “had the nerve to undress Kerrigan with their eyes”.  It amused him greatly to see Justin suddenly so protective of her and who looked at her.  Not that he hadn’t been protective before, but this was totally different.

It also made Trace extremely happy to see his two friends having such a good time together.  They were glowing from their new found love and he was happy for his friends.  At the rate things had been going at before, he thought they’d never end up together.  But once again Justin and Kerrigan had surprised him, just as they always seemed to do in some way.  But this was a welcomed surprise.

Leaving the dance floor after another round of dirty dancing, Justin and Kerrigan made their way back to their table, where Trace and Becca were already seated.  They had been dancing right along side of Justin and Kerrigan for the first five songs, but after that they had given up.  There was no way they could keep up with Kerrigan and Justin, so they had retreated to their table to catch their breath and get another round of drinks.

The group resumed their friendly conversation.  Mainly talking about everyone that was at the party and what they were looking forward to about the new year.  All of their spirits were up and they were each having a good time.  All worrisome thoughts had been pushed to the back of their minds so they could bring the new year in with a bang.

Across the club a very perplexed Chris Kirkpatrick sat talking to a voluptuous blonde.  Or at least he had been talking to her until he had noticed Justin and Kerrigan on the dance floor.  He knew that they were supposed to be at the party, or at least he had figured they would be, but that was the first he had seen of them.

However, he didn’t figure they had noticed him at all.  The two appeared to be so rapped up in each other that they probably thought they were alone in the crowded club.  Which was something that made Chris extremely curious.

He had watched the way they had danced with each other.  The way Justin had allowed his hands to wander down over Kerrigan’s body in ways he NEVER would have done before.  And how Kerrigan’s eyes were solely fixed on Justin.  And now they were sitting across the room, Kerrigan sitting comfortably on Justin’s lap, as Justin ran his hand up and down Kerrigan’s bare thigh.

Curiosity getting the best of him, Chris decided he needed to go find out what was up.  No one had called him to tell him about any changes in their relationship.  The last he had heard Justin was still refusing to admit his feelings for Kerrigan.  But from the looks of things, something somewhere had changed.  That or the two of them were very drunk.

As he walked up to the table, Kerrigan noticed him and immediately jumped up from Justin’s lap to envelope Chris in a tight hug.  “Hey you, how are you?  I’ve missed you.” she said, as she pulled away from the embrace.

Chris gave her an endearing smile.  “I’m good.  I missed you too.  Haven’t seen you in a while.” he said, as he watched Justin pull Kerrigan back to his lap, then slide his arms around her waist.

“Well, I’ve been at the house.  You need to come by sometime and hang out with me.” Kerrigan replied, leaning back into Justin’s arms.

“Yeah, I can see that.  Maybe I should have come by a lil’ sooner.  What’s up with you two?” Chris asked, eyeing the new couple.

Justin smirked.  “What do you mean what’s up?”

Chris rolled his eyes, Justin always had to be difficult.  “Well, obviously I missed something.  I don’t recall you ever hugging on Kerr like this before.  And I seen you two on the dance floor.  Something’s definitely changed, so fill me in.”

Trace snorted.  “Dude, don’t bother.  I tried asking the same question and all I got were half assed answers.”

“Sounds like, J.” Chris nodded.

“I’m right here.” Justin groaned, rolling his eyes at his friends.  “We’re together.  What do you think is up.”

“Well, I kinda figured that part out on my own.  What I meant was, when did this happen?  HOW did this happen.”

“I caught Justin writing a song about me.” Kerrigan beamed and Justin groaned.

Chris’ eyebrow raised.  “A song, huh?”

“Yup.  And it was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.” she smiled, turning to look at Justin.

Justin smiled back at her, then leaned in for a brief, sweet kiss.  “I’m glad you like it.” he whispered.

“I don’t like it.  I love it.” Kerrigan smiled lovingly at him, before leaning in to kiss him again.
 
 
 

Chapter 66
 

Chris stood smiling as he watched his two friends wrapped up in each other’s arms.  He was overcome with happiness, it was about time they were together.  They should have been together a long time ago as far as he was concerned.  But then he also conceded that everything happened for a reason and it probably just hadn’t been meant to be at an earlier time.  But they were together now and that was all that mattered.

He decided to join his friends at their table so he went off in search of another chair.  Finding one he returned to their table and joined in on their conversation.

They chatted about what they had all individually been up to over the last few weeks since they’d seen each other.  Talked about Justin’s album and the success it was having.  Along with many other various topics.  And during the conversations, Chris couldn’t help but watch Kerrigan and Justin.  They seemed so happy, so in love.

The longer Chris watched them, the happier he got for them.  They had been through so much together and had somehow managed to still come out on top.  But then his mind drifted to a darker thought.  Their fight still wasn’t over yet.  No matter how much any of them wanted to forget about it.  The simple fact was that Kerrigan still had to face her trial.  And there was a possibility that she could go to prison.  That thought caused Chris to frown.

Kerrigan and Justin had just gotten together, what on earth would they do if that did happen?  He knew that would tear both of them apart.  He didn’t want to ask, didn’t want to bring it up.  But he felt like it needed to be considered.

Clearing his throat to gain everyone’s attention, Chris looked at Kerrigan and Justin.  “So have you two considered all of the possibilities?”

Justin gave Chris a confused look.  “Possibilities of what?  What are you talking about?”

Chris looked down at his hands, then looked back up to meet Justin’s eyes.  “What you’re going to do if Kerrigan’s trial doesn’t go in a favorable way?”

Trace choked on his beer at Chris’ words, then glared at the man for bringing the subject up.  “Where the hell did that come from?” he demanded.

“I just felt like it should be addressed.  I mean I don’t want to think about it anymore than anyone else but seriously, ya’ll look so happy right now and I just couldn’t help but wonder what you’re going to do if things don’t go the way we all want them to?”

“They look happy because they ARE happy!” Trace stated.  “At least until you had to go and bring that up.  Why’d you have to open your stupid fucking mouth, Chris?  Damn it, we were trying to have a good time.”

“Trace, calm down.” Kerrigan leveled him with a look before turning to Chris.  “You mean what are we going to do if I go to jail?”

Chris silently nodded, regretfully.

“You know I don’t think this is the time, nor the place to have this conversation.” Justin interjected.  He wasn’t mad at Chris for asking, it was a valid question.  He just wished he would have asked at a different time, because up until that point they’d all be having a carefree evening.  This was the last topic of conversation that needed to be brought up.

“No, J.  He’s got a point, that’s not something that we’ve considered.” she said, turning to look at Justin.  “We’ve been so rapped up in each other the last few days that we forgot to consider something that’s very important.  I mean this is a big deal.”

Justin could tell by the sound of Kerrigan’s voice that she was growing upset and that was the last thing he wanted.  He didn’t want her focusing on something that hopefully wouldn’t be a problem.  He wanted to focus on the two of them and being together.  “We can talk about this later, Kerr.  Tonight we’re supposed to have a good time, forget all our worries.  Remember?”

Kerrigan sighed, she knew they had all agreed to just go to the party and have a good time.  Leave all their worries behind them and bring in the new year with a bang.  But Chris had brought up a valid point.  A point that apparently neither she, nor Justin had thought about before.  This changed everything.

She didn’t want to think that she would actually be sentenced to prison time.  That she would be torn from Justin’s loving arms and locked away behind bars for who knew how many years.  But it was a possibility, it could very well happen.  Therefore it needed to be considered.

The last few days with Justin had been so wonderful.  She had been in love with him for so long and finally she was getting to live that long lived dream.  But what would happen if that dream were torn apart by her being sentenced to prison time?  What would that do to Justin?  What would that do to her?  They had just found their love, it was so new.  Could it really stand up to a test a big as being separated like that?

“Kerrigan, look at me.” Justin said, gently turning her face towards his.  “Please, let’s forget about that for now.  We can talk about that tomorrow, I promise.  Tonight, let’s just have a good time and be together.”

“J’s, right Kerr.  I shouldn’t have brought this up tonight, I’m sorry.  Just forget I said anything.  I’m sure everything will be fine anyways.  I guess it’s just the old man in me being a worry wart.” Chris stated.

Kerrigan nodded at the two men, giving them her best reassuring smile.  For their sakes she would try to put her fears at rest and attempt to have a good evening.
 

An hour later and Kerrigan STILL couldn’t get Chris’ words out of her head.  She had sat there, participating in the conversation, laughing, smiling, appearing to have a good time right along with everyone else at the table.  But her mind was still whirling around the thoughts of what would happen if she ended up serving time.  And the longer she continued to sit there pretending to be just as happy and carefree as everyone else, the more it got to her.

Sighing she shifted her weight on Justin’s lap, trying to stay focused on the conversation her friends were enthralled in.  But it was useless, her mind was not going to give up this battle.  She sighed and shifted again, then felt Justin’s grasp on her waist tighten slightly.

Kerrigan turned to glance at him quickly, to find that Justin was watching her closely.  He gave her a questioning look, silently asking if she was ok, which she merely shook her head no to, and turned her attention back to the others at the table.

But that action didn’t satisfy Justin, so he nudged her, motioning for her to get up.  Justin followed her lead then turned to their friends, “We’ll be back in a minute.” he said, taking Kerrigan’s hand, leading her off across the club.

When he finally found a somewhat private corner of the club, he pulled Kerrigan close to him and looked her in the eyes.  “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine.  What’d you drag me all the way over here for?” Kerrigan asked as innocently as possible, although she knew from the expression on his face that he wasn’t buying it in the least.

“Kerr, something’s wrong.” he paused.  “You’re still thinking about what Chris said aren’t you?”

“No, I’m just tired.” she lied.

“Kerrigan…” he warned.

Sighing loudly, Kerrigan looked past Justin out to the dance floor and allowed her eyes to travel around, looking at all the people before she finally met his gaze.  “Yeah, I’m thinking about it, but I can’t help it.  I don’t seem to have any control over my thoughts sometimes.  I’m sorry if I’m ruining your night.”

“Kerrigan, you could never ruin my night.  You’ve made my night by just being here with me.  But if you’re not feeling good then maybe we should just go home and talk.  You and I both know that you’re not going to feel any better about this until we can sit down and talk about it properly.  There’s no sense in putting it off until tomorrow.”

“But what about the party?” she objected.

“Screw the party.  You are more important to me than any party.  And if you’re not having a good time, then I’m not having a good time.”

“But what about bringing in the New Year on a happier note and all that stuff?”

“Kerrigan, as long as I’m with you at midnight, that’s all I need.”

“Are you sure?” she sighed, knowing full well there was no way she was going to be any fun if they stayed at the party.  She was too caught up in her thoughts.

“I’m positive.” he smiled, leaning in to place a sweet kiss on her lips.  “You go over there and get Mike, tell him to pull the truck around and I’ll go tell everyone we’re leaving.”

“Trace, is going to be pissed.” she groaned.

“Who gives a shit what Trace is or isn’t.  This isn’t about him, this is about us.  Just go get Mike, ok?”

“Yeah, ok.” she nodded.

Justin leaned in and placed another gentle kiss on her lips before he pulled away and headed back across the club to inform their friends of their departure.

Kerrigan stood against the wall for a moment watching Justin’s retreating back, hating herself more for ruining his night.  She knew he’d been looking forward to this party for a few days and she had to go and mess it all up with all her crazy, drama crap.

“I’m just the best girlfriend on earth.” she mumbled to herself, as she finally set off to get Mike.
 

Around forty five minutes later the couple made their way into the house, Justin calling goodnight and Happy New Year to Mike as he pulled out of the driveway.

Kerrigan tossed her purse on to the table in the foyer as she made her way towards the living room.  Justin following closely behind her, after ensuring that the door and alarm system was all in tack.

She threw herself down in the middle of the sofa and sighed.  Justin stood at the end of the sofa and watched her for a moment before he walked around and sat beside her, reaching out to pull her closer to him.

He leaned in, kissing her on the top of her head before speaking softly into her hair.  “So do you want to talk about it?”

“If I said no, would you let me get away with it?” she countered.

Justin grinned.  “No.”

“That’s what I thought.” she said, sighing again.

“You know Kerr, you’re doing an awful lot of sighing tonight.”

“Yeah, I know.” she sighed again and Justin couldn’t help but laugh.  “It’s not funny, Justin.”

“I know what’s buggin’ you isn’t funny, but all this sighing you’re doing is.  You’re cute when you sigh.” he smirked.

Kerrigan rolled her eyes at him.  “Only YOU would find this cute.”

“Well, I’m sorry I think my girlfriend is cute.  And she’s even cuter when she’s moping around.”

“Will you still think I’m cute when I’m moping around behind bars?” she asked, turning to look away from him.

This time Justin sighed.  He’d been trying to lighten the moment, hoping that by some miracle he’d be able to distract her thoughts, but that obviously wasn’t working.  And he really didn’t need that mental image of her sitting in a jail cell somewhere.  “Kerrigan, that’s not going to happen.” he finally said.

“You don’t know that, J.  It’s a possibility.  One that we haven’t talked about.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter to me.”

Kerrigan turned to look at him.  “What do you mean it doesn’t matter to you?”

“I mean that either way I’m still going to love you.  Even though I REALLY don’t think it’s going to be an issue.  But even if you were to go to jail, I would still love you, Kerr.  Nothing is going to change that.  NOTHING.”

“Don’t be so sure.” she mumbled, fighting back the tears she could feel welling in her eyes.

Justin gently grasped Kerrigan’s chin and turned her face towards his so he could look her in the eye.  “Kerrigan, when I tell you that nothing is going to change how I feel about you.  How I love you.  I mean it.  NOTHING is going to change that.  Not all the distance in the world.  Not you going to jail.  NOTHING.”

“But Justin, you might change your mind later.  You can’t predict the future.  You have no idea how you’re going to feel once this all goes down.  Maybe you will stick around for a while, but after some time you’ll get tired of the situation and you’ll want to move on.”

“Are you suggesting that I would abandon you?  Cause I would NEVER do that to you, Kerrigan.  You of all people should know that.  I’ve stood by you through everything else, there’s no way in hell that if that DID happen, that I would just walk away from you.  I may not be able to predict all of our future, but I can promise you that there’s not a chance in hell of that EVER happening.  Do you understand me?”

Kerrigan stared into Justin’s eyes.  She could see the sincerity and fierce honesty that his words held there.  She knew in her heart that he would never abandon her, especially at a time like that.  But she was scared and when people are scared they tend to think illogically.

“Kerrigan?” Justin questioned, when she didn’t speak.

Her eyes drifted shut for a brief moment before they fluttered back open and locked with his gaze once again.  “I know, J.  I’m sorry, I’m just…there’s just so much….and I just don’t….and…” she stumbled through her words, unable to speak coherently.

“Shhh….” Justin whispered, placing a finger to her lips.  “I know, baby.  You’re scared and I don’t blame you.  I’m scared too.  But we gotta stay focused on the positive things and try to think positively about this.  I don’t want you to go to jail anymore than you do, trust me on that.  And I honestly don’t think it’s going to happen.  But if it did, I swear to you on everything that I hold dear that I would NEVER walk away from you, Kerrigan.  I would wait for you and when you got out, then we would be together.  But I honestly don’t think that’s even going to be an issue.  So please try to focus on us and the time we have together now, just on the chance that if something should go wrong that we at least had this time together to hold us over until we can be together again.  Do you think you can do that?”

“Justin…”

“Kerrigan, I love you.  That’s not going to change.  Not now, not ever.  So do you think you can just focus on us and stop worrying about the what ifs?  We have no control over them anyway, so we might as well just ignore them for as long as we can and pretend they don’t exist.”

A tear trickled down Kerrigan’s cheek as she continued to gaze into Justin’s eyes.  She didn’t even notice as he gently wiped the tear away with the padding of his thumb, she was too consumed in his gaze.  She loved him so much and she could see all of his love in his eyes, staring right back at her.  And she realized that he was right.

They couldn’t control the future and there was really no sense in worrying their selves over what may or may not happen.  They should just focus on their current happiness and being together.  They should revel in their love and make the most of it.  There would never come a time when they would be able to positively know what the future held and they couldn’t waste away what time they did have, in that moment, to cherish the love that they shared.

“You know I love you more than anything in this world, right?” she asked softly.

Justin smiled at her tenderly.  “Yeah, I know.   And you know I feel the same way?”

She smiled, nodding at him.

“Good.  As long as we understand each other.” he grinned.

Kerrigan laughed lightly, rolling her eyes at him.  “You amaze me.”

“No…” Justin said softly, tucking her hair behind her ear as he slowly leaned in towards her lips.  “You amaze me.” he finished, before touching his lips to hers.

Electricity sparked and spread throughout their bodies.  Their kiss growing strong and passionate.  After all of the kisses they had shared since their late night discussion a few days before, never had either one of them felt such strong emotions.

And as their kissing grew more intense, Kerrigan realized that she truly did love Justin.  Not that there had ever really been any doubts in her mind, but that she TRULY loved him.  With every fiber of her being, she loved him.  And as long as she had him in her life, nothing could ever harm her.

Because his love.  His embrace, had the power to calm all of her fears.  And take away every last bit of pain she had ever felt before.  He was all consuming and that feeling was a feeling she never wanted to lose.

Kerrigan slowly pulled her lips away from Justin‘s and whispered his name breathlessly.  “Justin….”

“Hmm?” he sighed, eyes closed, still completely lost from their kiss.

“Make love to me.”
 
 

Chapter 67

Justin pulled back slightly to look at her face.  “Kerr, are you sure?  I mean this isn’t what I was trying to accomplish, I just wanted to…”

Kerrigan silenced him with her lips momentarily before she pulled back again and looked deep into his eyes.  “I know you weren’t trying to accomplish anything, but I am.  I want us to bring in the new year making love.  I want you to make love to me, Justin.  I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.”

Justin smiled lovingly at her as he leaned in to place one more gentle kiss upon her lips.  He then pulled back, getting to his feet.  He held his hand out for Kerrigan and once she took it he lead her out of the living room and down the foyer to the stairs.

They climbed the stairs slowly, their hands intertwined together.  Both silently thinking about how this simple act was going to change their relationship forever and there would be no going back from it.  But the thing was, neither of them wanted to go back.  They both wanted this more than anything they had ever desired before.  This would definitely change their relationship, but in a good way.  This would clarify and strengthen their love for one and other.  This would bond them for life.

When they finally reached the door to Justin’s bedroom, he turned to her one last time, looking into her eyes, silently making sure that this was what she really wanted.  When she merely smiled back at him lovingly, he leaned in to place a gentle kiss on her lips before proceeding on into the room.

Justin closed the door behind Kerrigan, making sure to lock it.  He didn’t think Trace was going to be coming home, but on the off chance that he did the last thing Justin wanted was another unexpected interruption.  This night was going to be special, sacred even.  And he didn’t want anything or anyone to ruin it.

He took Kerrigan by her hand and lead her over to the bed, motioning for her to sit down.  She did as instructed, but not without giving Justin a questioning look.  Which he returned with a smile before walking over to his stereo system.  He shuffled through a few CD’s before finally pulling one out and placing it into the CD player.

He turned around and met her eyes as the music slowly started to pour through the speakers.  Kerrigan’s face instantly lit up.  “You remembered?” she smiled.

“Yeah.” he nodded with a smile, as he made his way over to her.

“Isn’t this a little awkward though?  I mean since it IS Chris singing?” she smirked.

Justin shrugged as he sat next to her.  “I don’t think so.  You told me the first time you heard this song that you loved it and what it stood for.  And I remember having a conversation with you not too long after that, where you told me that this would be the perfect song to make love to.”

Kerrigan blushed at the memory, she still couldn’t believe she had said that to him.  Of course he didn’t know at the time that she had been referring to him, but still, she could still remember the shock that had registered on his face from her words.  And that made her smile.  “Yeah, I did say that didn’t I?”

“Yes you did.” he said, his smile sobering as he leaned in to kiss her.

When life seems hopeless and you are all alone
And no one is there to dry the tear drops from your eyes
When you can't find a single reason left to try
Baby I will
(Baby I will)
Baby I will

Justin pulled back slightly to look into her eyes, but they were still closed.  He stared at her until her eyes slowly fluttered open, taking in her beauty.  He didn’t know how he had ever missed it before.  Sure he knew she was  beautiful girl and he assumed a part of him had always known that he loved her as more than just his best friend.  He was just extremely disappointed in himself that it had taken him so long to realize it.

Kerrigan met his eyes and smiled.  “I love you, too.” she whispered, reading his thoughts.

Justin smiled,  “I know you do.” he said, leaning back in to kiss her again.

Tell me the secrets that you've locked away
Confide your deepest fears that haunt you every day
All of the little things nobody else could understand
Baby I will
(Baby I will)
I will

Their hearts raced as the intensity of their kiss grew.  Justin’s hand slid from Kerrigan’s hair, down to her arm, where it slowly slid down to her waist, pulling her closer.

Kerrigan’s arms were locked around Justin’s neck, pulling him closer.  She could feel the heat growing between the two of them.  She had waited so long for this moment and it didn’t compare to any of the fantasies she had ever concocted in her mind.  No, it far exceeded them and they hadn’t even gotten to the good part yet.

It's all right
I'll be there
Count on me
Anytime anywhere
I'll show you love
Till the end of my life
When no one else will stand by your side
I will

Justin slowly began to lean Kerrigan back on the bed, but she pulled away from him, getting to her feet.

Justin stared at her in shock for a moment, unsure of what she was doing.  Scared he’d done something wrong or that perhaps she had changed her mind.  But Kerrigan put his fears to rest rather quickly when she smiled at him endearingly.

She didn’t speak, she merely leaned in to kiss him briefly on his lips before stepping back to stand before him, slightly situated between his legs as he sat on the bed.

When all you've counted on comes tumbling down
And there's only emptiness that nothing seems to fill
And when you can't remember how to be strong
Baby I will
(Baby I will)
I will

Justin watched as Kerrigan smiled at him and then slowly pulled her shirt up her body and over her head, tossing it to the floor.  His eyes took in her figure, watching her contently as she then moved on to her jean skirt.  Slowly unfastening the button and then the zipper.

Justin’s hands involuntarily reached out to touch her. His eyes traveled up her stomach, over her lacy covered chest and up to meet her eyes.  He grasped the material of her skirt and gave a gentle tug, the skirt falling to Kerrigan’s ankles.  His eyes traveled over the length of her body, admiring every curve.

He slowly got to his feet to stand before her, grasping her hips, pulling her body to his as he leaned in to kiss her passionately on her lips.

Kerrigan’s hands slid up his chest to wrap around his neck, pulling him closer.

Their kissing continued for a few moments before Kerrigan ran her hands down Justin’s back, slipping them beneath the material of his shirt to caress his skin.

Justin pulled away abruptly, yanking his shirt over his head, then pulling Kerrigan back to him, kissing her again.

It's all right
I'll be there
Count on me
Anytime anywhere
I'll show you love
Till the end of my life
When no one else will stand by your side
I will

When no one else will stand by your side
I will

Justin ran his hands slowly up and down Kerrigan’s back, loving the way her soft skin felt beneath his fingertips.

He felt her hands slid from his back to caress his chest.  Slowly working her hands sown over his stomach to the waistband of his pants.  Justin pulled his lips away from hers and quickly fumbled with the button and zipper of his pans, shoving them to the floor, then kicking them away.

The thought occurred to him when he noticed Kerrigan’s smirk, that he was acting much more eager than she was.  She had slowly and gracefully removed her clothing, and so far he was practically ripping his own off.  But he didn’t care.  He loved her and he was eager to show her how much he loved her, and as far as he was concerned there was nothing wrong with that.

It's all right
I'll be there
Count on me
Anytime anywhere
I'll show you love
(I will show you love)
Till the end of my life
When no one else will stand by your side

I'll be standing right by your side
I will

As the final notes of the song faded off through the speakers, Justin wrapped his arms around Kerrigan, kissing her soundly.

He turned them and slowly lowered her back on the bed, laying beside her, his upper body hovering above, as he continued to kiss her.

As silence once again filled the room, Justin slowly began to trail soft, moist kisses down Kerrigan’s neck to her shoulder.  Reaching under her back, he quickly unfastened her bra and pulled away the lacy restraint.

Justin took a moment to take in her beauty once more.  A soft smile spread across his face, knowing that she belonged to him now.  But it wasn’t a possessive smile, only a smile of appreciation.  She truly was a stunning creature and he was thankful that she was giving him this gift.  Sure it wasn’t her first time, but it would be the first time that someone had made love to her.  Truly and honestly made love to her, so as far as he was concerned it was her first time.

Kerrigan grew tired of watching his eyes wander over her body, not because she was embarrassed or didn’t want him to see her, but because she wanted to kiss him again.  She yearned for the feel of his lips upon hers.  So she reached up and pulled him back down to her, attacking his lips with hers.

Justin gave in willingly to her embrace, his hands sliding up, diving into her hair as he returned her kiss.  Making love to her mouth.

As they continued to kiss, Justin’s hands slowly left Kerrigan’s hair to explore and caress her body.  But his lips never left hers, not even for a second.

Kerrigan’s hands resumed their journey as well, slowly sliding down Justin’s back.  She felt the muscles in his back tense slightly as she gently raked her nails across his flesh.  She pulled him closer to her, his body collapsing on top of hers.  She slid one of her legs up around his, slowly sliding her foot back and forth on the calf of his leg.

Justin groaned, if at all possible she was turning him on more, and she hadn’t really done anything.  He settled his body on hers, being sure to not put too much weight on her chest, not wanting to hurt her ribs.  He tensed again when he felt Kerrigan’s hands attentively slip under the fabric of his boxers, sliding down and gently squeezing his ass.  He pulled back to look down at her with a raised eyebrow.

Kerrigan smirked at him.  “What?” she asked innocently.  “I’ve been waiting a long time to do that.”

Justin smiled and leaned down to kiss her.  “If you want them off, why don’t you just ask?”

“I don’t have to ask.” she stated.

“Oh, really?” Justin said, holding his upper body above her with his arms.

“Yes, really.  I’ll just do it myself.” she smirked and proceeded to push his boxers down over his hips with her hands, then when she could no longer reach them with her hands she slid her foot up his leg to glide them the rest of the way down.

“I never knew you were that bold.” he said, resting himself back on top of her.

Kerrigan smiled.  “I guess there’s a few things you don’t know about me.”

“True, but I intend to learn every detail of those things.” he said, leaning in to kiss her once more.

Their kiss grew fiercely intense as they clung to each other tightly.  Justin slipped his lips away from Kerrigan’s, kissing up her jaw, down to her neck, over he collarbone to the hollow of her neck.  He trailed slow, sweet kisses down her chest, stopping to pay homage to each of her breasts before moving on to her stomach, down to the hem of her panties.

Gripping her hips with his hands, Justin slowly flipped Kerrigan over on to her stomach, kissing the small of her back.  Kerrigan was confused as to what he was doing, but didn’t question it, his touch was so gentle.

Justin looked over the expanse of Kerrigan’s back, taking in the faint scars that still remained.  Leaning down he began to place a kiss on each individual scar, as if to make them disappear.

When he finished with his task, Justin slowly flipped Kerrigan once again to her back and stared down at her.  “You are so beautiful.” he said softly, leaning in to kiss her again.

Kerrigan moaned into his mouth, his kisses were so intoxicating and so was the feeling of his hands wandering over her body.  She felt his hands slid under the side of her panties and begin to push them over her hips, so she aided him by lifting her lower body.  Justin discarded Kerrigan’s panties, tossing them on to the floor, his hands slinking back up her body as he continued to kiss her.

They were both completely caught up in the sensations that were rushing through their bodies.  The lingering passionate kisses.  The feeling of their naked skin against the others.  The sensations were all consuming and completely obliterating.  They were lost in each other and on the verge of crossing in to territory unknown.

Until they heard the loud popping sounds coming from the window.  Justin pulled his lips from Kerrigan’s and they both turned to look at the window.  In the distance they could see fireworks exploding in the sky, lighting it a variety of beautiful colors.

They turned their attention to the alarm clock on the nightstand, Justin smiled, turning his gaze back to meet Kerrigan’s.  “It’s midnight.” he said softly.

Kerrigan smiled, leaning up to kiss him tenderly.  “Well then, Happy New Year.”

Justin returned her kiss with one of his own, equally as tender.  “Happy New Year.” he whispered, once again claiming her lips with his.
 
 

Chapter 68

(Following Morning)

Trace made his way down the hallway towards Justin’s bedroom.  He had just gotten home from Becca’s house and he wanted to check in on Justin and Kerrigan to make sure everything was ok after the way they had abruptly left the party the night before.

He had already checked Kerrigan’s room, but as usual she wasn’t in it, so now he was headed for Justin’s.  Positive he would find them both there.

Upon reaching the door he grasped the doorknob and attempted to enter the room, only to find that the door was locked.  Right away he knew something was off, the door was never locked.  So he did the only thing he could at that point and began knocking on the door.

It took a few minutes, but before long Justin and Kerrigan stirred in bed, both slowly waking up to the sound of someone knocking on the door.  Justin shifted to his side facing Kerrigan, as he groaned.  “WHAT?” he called out.

“Are ya’ll awake?” came Trace’s voice.

“We are now.” Justin called back, annoyed.

It was quiet for a moment before they heard Trace‘s voice again.  “What are you guys doing in there?” he asked.

“Sleeping.” Justin replied, looking over at Kerrigan with a knowing smirk.

“Then why’s the door locked?”

“Cause we didn’t want you to wake us up.” Justin said, shifting in the bed, pulling Kerrigan’s body closer to his.

“Surrrre.” Trace echoed from the hall.  “Well, I hope you two had FUN last night.” he snorted, realizing that they were NOT just sleeping.

Kerrigan smiled up at Justin before calling out to the door.  “Oh, we did.  We had a blast.”

Justin laughed, rolling over on top of Kerrigan as she giggled, kissing her soundly on her lips.  Kerrigan’s hands slid to the back of Justin’s neck, pulling him closer.

Their moment was interrupted however by the sound of Trace’s laughter.  “Sounds like you’re having fun again, so I’ll just go back downstairs.”

“You do that.” Justin called over his shoulder towards the door.

The two looked at each other and laughed, only going back to their kissing after they heard Trace’s footsteps fade away.
 

It was after noon before Kerrigan and Justin finally made their way downstairs.  They had spent the entire morning wrapped up in each others arms.  Had the sun light not been shining through the windows of Justin’s bedroom so brightly they would have likely laid in the bed for the entire day.  Relishing in the glory of their love and love making.

However, they had decided to drag themselves from bed.  After showering and dressing they both proceeded to go downstairs.  Hand in hand, glowing.

Trace looked up as the couple entered the room together.  There was no way you could miss what was going on between the two.  Even if he hadn’t gone to their room that morning and found the door locked, as soon as he seem them as they were now, it would have been obvious.

Completely obvious that they had taken the next step in their relationship.  That they had given themselves to the other and while a part of him was extremely happy, another part of him was disappointed.

“So did you two finally decide to join the living?” he questioned, as he watched them sit down on the sofa together.  Justin holding Kerrigan closely to his side in almost a protective way.

Kerrigan smiled over at Trace and he couldn’t help but to smile in return.  The way her eyes lit up with happiness warmed his heart.  She had been lost and depressed for so long.  He had feared he would never see that kind of happiness in her eyes again.  But it was there now, and he knew why.

“We thought we’d grace you with our presence.” she stated.

“Oh, is that what this is?  You’re gracing me?” he glared at them playfully.

“What else would we be doing?  We could always just go back up to bed if you’d rather be alone.” Justin laughed.

And for some reason that statement bothered Trace.  It bothered him immensely.  “I think you two already spent enough time in bed together.” he stated, his tone harsh.

The smile disappeared from Justin’s face and he eyed Trace carefully.  “What’s your problem man?”

“I don’t have a problem.  I just don’t think ya’ll need to spend anymore time in bed together.” Trace defended.

“What? Does it ruin all your fun because you’re not the only one getting some now?” Kerrigan asked, raising an eyebrow in question at Trace.

Justin turned to look at her in shock.  Never would he have expected her of all people to make a statement like that, and to Trace none the less.

Trace meanwhile groaned.  “I SO don’t wanna hear this.”

“Well, if you didn’t want to hear it, then why did you start making jokes about it?” she questioned.

Justin smirked at Trace.  “She’s got you there.  Obviously you were curious.”

Trace rolled his eyes.  “So what?  Maybe I was a little curious.  I mean ya’ll sleep together every night in the same bed.  But you’ve never locked the door before, that was your first mistake right there.”

“Mistake?” Justin questioned.  “Why was it a mistake?”

“It was a dead giveaway.” Trace retorted.

“Well, I’d say based on the habit you have of just walking into a room without knocking that it wasn’t a mistake.  I’d say it was pretty damn smart.”

“Whatever.  All I’m saying was if you didn’t want me to know ya’ll were fucking then you shouldn’t have locked the door.”

Justin extracted himself from Kerrigan, getting up from their seat and walked over to stand before Trace, glaring at him.  “First of all I would appreciate it very much if you wouldn’t refer to me and Kerrigan’s private relations as “fucking”.  Second of all, we have nothing to hide.  We’re in love and we’re both grown and if we want to be…well together, then we’re aloud.”

“Whatever.” Trace grumbled.

“I don’t know what crawled up your ass and died, but you need to extract it and quick.  I mean, what the fuck is up with you today man?”

“I just think you two are moving a little too quickly is all.  You’ve only been together a couple days and you’re already SLEEPING together.”

“Who the hell are you to judge?” Justin glared at him, his anger growing.  He couldn’t figure out what Trace’s problem was all of the sudden.

Trace got to his feet, standing before Justin.  “Look, I just don’t want to see either of you get hurt, that’s all I’m saying.  You’re my friends and I just want you to be sure you know what you’re doing.”

Seeing the tension growing between the two men, Kerrigan walked over and placed herself between them.  She pushed Justin back slightly and then turned to Trace.  “We appreciate your concern, Trace.  But we know what we’re doing.  We wouldn’t have taken that step if we weren’t ready.  We love each other very much, you’ve got no reason to worry.”

Trace nodded, looking down at the floor.  “I know you two love each other.  I’m sorry I snapped at you guys.  I guess it just caught me a little off guard is all.  But I’m happy for both of you.  I just want you to be happy.”

Kerrigan smiled, yanking Trace into a hug causing him to laugh at her sudden action.

Trace looked at Justin over Kerrigan’s shoulder as she continued to hug him.  The two friends smiled at each other.  Justin shrugged,  “We might as well make this a group hug.” he said, stepping up behind Kerrigan and wrapping his arms around both Kerrigan and Trace.

Kerrigan laughed.  “This is how it should be.  This is how it should always be.”

Justin kissed the top of her head.  “Don’t worry, Kerr.  It’s always been just the three of us.  And that’s never gonna change.”

“Well, what about me?” came a female voice.

The three friends all turned towards the direction of the voice to find Becca standing just inside the doorway of the living room, hands planted firmly on her hips, trying desperately to appear offended.

“Where’d you come from?” Justin asked, he hadn’t seen her or heard her come in.

“Just got here.  I let myself in after I’d been knocking for a few minutes and no one answered.  The front door was unlocked.” she replied making her way further into the room.

The three friends looked at each other and shrugged.  They’d been so caught up in their brief argument that they hadn’t even heard her at the door.

Becca walked over to Kerrigan and pulled her into a hug.  “You ok?  I was a little worried about you last night after you left.”

“I’m fine.” she smiled, glancing over at Justin.  “We just needed to talk some things out, but everything’s fine.”

Trace snorted.  “Everything’s more than fine.”

Justin eyed him, hoping he wasn’t about to start in again with his little rant, but quickly seen that Trace no longer appeared upset.  The smirk on Trace’s face told Justin everything he needed to know.

Becca eyed the couple, then turning her attention to her boyfriend.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, nothing.  Just that things are more than fine.” he shrugged.

Kerrigan rolled her eyes.  “He’s hinting towards the fact that me and Justin got busy last night.”

Becca smiled.  “Oooooh, so you really did “talk” everything out.”

Justin shrugged, pulling Kerrigan’s back against his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around her.  “We have our own language.”

Becca laughed at that.  “Whatever works.” she smiled.  “But back to this conversation I walked in on.  About it just being the three of you.  Where the hell do I fall in?  I don’t wanna be left out.” she playfully pouted.

Kerrigan broke away from Justin’s embrace to pull Becca into a hug.  “You know the two idiots can’t count.  Of course you’re part of our group.  We couldn’t leave you out if we wanted to.  Someone’s gotta keep Trace’s ass in line.”

“HEY!” Trace yelled, stepping up behind Becca and wrapping his arms around the two girls.  “I take offense to that.”

Kerrigan snorted.  “You take offense to everything.”

“No, I don’t.” Trace argued.

“Yes, you do.” Justin said, stepping up behind Kerrigan and wrapping his arms around her and his friends the best he could, so that they were once again in a group hug.

“Shut up, Justin.  Leave my man alone.” Becca scolded him.

Justin lowered his head down to Kerrigan’s shoulder.  “Do we really have to let her be a part of our group.  She’s mean to me.” he whined.

“Well, just think of it this way…” Kerrigan turned in his arms slightly so she could look at him.  “When she’s mean to you, you can come to me and I can make it all better.”

A grin spread across Justin’s face.  “I like the sound of that.  How will you make it all better?” he asked in a husky voice.

Trace groaned pulling away from the hug.  “I don’t care what anyone says.  I can’t take this.  It’s just weird.”

Kerrigan, Becca and Justin laughed at his outburst.  “I think it’s cute.” Becca added.

“Yeah, my two best friends.  Practically brother and sister making sexual innuendos to each other is cute.”  he huffed playfully.  They could all tell he wasn’t really being serious.

“You were pulling for this, Trace.  Don’t deny it.” Justin stated.

Trace shrugged and smiled.  “Yeah, I was.  I still don’t know what took you so damn long, but still this will take some getting used to.  But honestly I think ya’ll  make the perfect couple.  This was bound to happen sooner or later.”

Kerrigan smiled over at Justin.  “Seems like everyone knew but us.”

“Nah.” Justin said, shaking his head gently.  “We knew, we just wouldn’t admit it.”
 
 

Epilogue

( January 10, 2003 ~ Kerrigan’s Trial )

Kerrigan sat beside Johnny in the courtroom.  They were waiting on the verdict and had been for a couple of hours.  Hours that seemed to be passing as slowly as possible, which wasn’t helping Kerrigan’s nerves in the least.

The whole thing had been drug out in court.  Her relationship with Cody from the moment she had met him, up to the very end.  The abuse.  Everything.

They had reviewed all of the evidence.  Pictures of her beaten body after the last attack.  Medical records and documents from the attack in Florida.  They had called several witnesses, such as Trace and Justin to testify to both attacks.  And they had even called upon Chris to testify about the time he had seen Cody hit Kerrigan on the last night of their tour.

They had gone over every last detail with a fine tooth comb.  And although Kerrigan couldn’t honestly see someone putting her behind bars after everything she had been through and all the evidence of that, that had been presented to them, she still couldn’t help but to be nervous.  The next few years of her life hung in the hands of these people that she didn’t even know.  How could she not be nervous?  Anyone in their right mind would be.

Kerrigan turned in her seat to glance back at Justin.  He gave her a comforting smile and although she could tell he meant it, she could still see the worry in his eyes.  The uncertainty.

They had spent the entire day and night before wrapped up in each others arms, locked away in the bedroom.  Not so much really talking about the day to follow, but both thinking about it.  Taking full advantage of the time they had together on the chance that something would happen to go wrong.

But that private time was now over and they had to face the music.  Literally.

Kerrigan was pulled from her thoughts at the sudden noise of the jurors and judge returning to the courtroom.  She wasn’t sure how she had missed the bailiffs announcement, but she figured it wasn’t important.

This was the moment of truth.  This is where she would get the answers to the agonizing questions that had been plaguing her since November.  This was it.

Kerrigan sat up straighter in her chair, glancing over at Johnny whom gave her a reassuring smile while squeezing her hand for support.

Meanwhile seated behind Kerrigan, Justin and Trace both sat slightly forward in their seats.  Justin was fully prepared to protest any negative verdict.

He and Trace had unanimously agreed that should Kerrigan be found guilty, Justin was going to confess.  There was no way in hell he could allow her to go to prison for something he had done.  He didn’t care what kind of problems it caused or what he lost based on his confession.  All he cared about was Kerrigan and there was no way he was going to stand back and allow her to take the fall for something he had done.

The courtroom was eerily quiet as the Jude rustled through some papers on his bench before turned to the Jury, asking if they had reached their decision.

The female spokesperson for the Jury panel stood, stating that they had come to a verdict.  The Judge then instructed her to read the verdict.

Holding the paper before her she read the verdict.   “In case number 23895, the state of California verses Kerrigan Wallace.  We the Jury find that due to the compelling evidence to support the claim of self defense that the defendant is found not guilty of murder in the second degree.”

The courtroom erupted into cheers of support, Kerrigan immediately relaxing in her chair as tears filled her eyes.  They had found her not guilty.  They weren’t going to send her to prison.  The relief that was coursing through her body could in no way be explained or measured.

Justin and Trace simultaneously released sighs of relief.  Chris grinning his happiness has he patted Justin comfortingly on his back.

Kerrigan turned in her seat to glance at Justin.  The relief and happiness on his face on proved to relax Kerrigan more.  This was it, it was finally over.  She could finally put Cody and everything that revolved around him behind her and move on with her life.

Move on with her life with Justin.  No more worries of what might happen or how they were going to deal with it.  Only the happy thoughts that now they could just be.  No worries other than the normal day to day worries.  They could now just be together and love each other.  Which was the only thing that either of them really wanted.
 

( A year and a half later ~ May 7, 2004 )

Kerrigan and Justin sat side by side amongst their friends and family in the VIP section of the House of Blues in Chicago.  They were there to see JC’s show.  He had just released his solo album a couple months prior and they had come out that night to see the kick off of his summer tour.

JC had just finished an up tempo song titled “Come To Me” and they were all reeling with excitement for him.  His show was totally different from that of which Justin had put on the year before during his solo tour with Christina Aguilera.  But regardless they loved it.  It was a nice change of pace and Justin was happy to just be sitting in the audience for a change.

The last year had been an exciting one.  Not only had he toured both the US but he’d also been over to Europe twice to tour over there.  Of course taking Kerrigan with him for the ride.

Their relationship was still going strong and they were more in love than ever.  All of their past misfortunes and challenges put behind them.  They were now only focusing on being together and living their lives as happily as they could.

Their attention was once again called to the stage as JC took a quick gulp from a water bottle and then addressed the audience.  Paying special attention to the VIP area above, seeing his two friends seated at the table beside his parents with Chris, Trace, Becca and Lance.

“This next song I wrote for a couple friends of mine.  It’s perfect for them in every way.  You know who you are.” he smiled up at them as the thumpy beats of “Right Here” began to flow through the club.
 

Yeah...

Tell me how long
(How long)
Were we together, before we got together, oh...
Tell me how strong
(How strong)
Have we gone together, since we've been together, oh...
 

Justin turned and looked at Kerrigan.  She was staring at him, her beautiful smile illuminating her face.  Neither of them spoke however, they merely turned their attention back to the stage and to JC.  Allowing the words he had written, especially for them, and the meaning to sink further into their hearts.
 

See, I don't care what people say
No one else has ever made me feel the way you do

Think about it, it just make sense
We already know everything about us, oh...
 

Trace, Chris and Lance glanced at each other after hearing that verse.  All silently agreeing with their eyes that this song couldn’t be anymore true.  Kerrigan and Justin were perfect for each other.  And they were all emphatically happy that they’d finally figured out their feelings and were now together.  The last year of the two of them being together had been a year that none of them would soon forget.
 

Girl, I’ll be right here by your side
(By your side)
Give you all the love I’ve got to give
I’m swimming in your eyes
Love will blow out all the lights
(All the lights)
And I will keep you satisfied through the night
 

Justin glanced back over at Kerrigan, watching her as her eyes followed JC across the stage as he continued to sing their song.

His heart swelled with love for her.  Never in his life had he ever experienced a love so strong.  He thought he had found that with Britney, but he knew now that what he had with her never could have compared to what he has with Kerrigan.

And because of that knowledge, that was why he had every intention of asking Kerrigan to marry him later that evening.  Yes, he was going to ask her to spend the rest of her life with him.  Because Justin didn’t even want to think about having to spend one day without her ever again.  He loved her more than anything in the world and he was fully intent on spending every day of the rest of his life with her.  Right there by her side.
 

The End.