June 2002 

"Hi, thank you for coming to Jive Records, how may I help you?" I asked, without looking up from my computer.

"You know, I'm gonna tell your boss how unprofessional you're being."

My eyes shot up and fell across a handsome face, with ridiculously beautiful eyes. Working as a receptionist at Jive, definitely had its' perks. Seeing gorgeous guys like this before me, was definitely one of them.

"Get bent, Chasez," I responded.

I held back from smiling as JC Chasez stood straight up from his leaned position and walked behind the counter to sit on my desk. I'll never openly admit it, but I may have a tiny, itsy bitsy crush on JC. I met him, along with the others, when I began working at Jive, around age 18. They were amidst some trouble with their last label and I'd heard around the offices about them coming to Jive. Although I was there a few months before they had officially signed the contract at Jive, I wanted them to feel at home. On the inside, I got a bit teeny the first couple of times I saw them. But it quickly died down once they each opened themselves to me. I saw that they were just regular, down to earth guys.

Even when they had their off days, they were always pleasant to me, especially Joey. He always brung me candy or some sort of sweet treat. Their pleasantries turned into a sweet friendship. I soon developed a fairly close and different bond with each of the guys. Joey, though, was my all-around main man. I loved hanging out with Joey. He was always there to listen and have great conversations with me. He was always getting me into some club while I was still underage. I felt like he was my big brother, because he was always looking out for and protecting me. Except...there was one person he couldn't protect me from and his name was JC Chasez. Joey warned me about getting hung up on JC, but I didn't understand why, he was really sweet. But, Joey knows best.

Out of all my friendships with the guys, it seems I have the most complicated one with JC. At first it didnt start out that way, we both enjoyed one another's company, joked around, and even playfully flirted once in awhile. But as I got older, our dynamic sort of.....changed. JC was a different sort of playful, saying things that made me wonder. He would take something I said, and then ask me a billion questions trying to figure out if I meant something other than what I initially said. Basically, our time together could turn sour before it was even sweet. Like so....

"Ugh, how rude. I didn't invite you into my area, JOSH-U-A. Your butt is crumpling important crap," I joked, looking up at him.

JC rolled his eyes, pulling his fingers through his highlighted curly locks. "Mermaid, I'm so not in the mood to deal with your snappiness, so....peace out."

I gaped, watching as JC stood up and walked off toward the entrance. I glanced at the time, 8:30 pm, right in the nick of time. I was officially done with work for the day. I quickly put things away, grabbing my bag, and clocked out, so I could catch up with JC. He'd been really sensitive to my jokes and cracks lately. What was his deal? It was only a joke....damn. This is what I was talking about. He flipped his lid over what? If it was me, seeing as how he NEVER got the hint about us going out, I'd be "overreacting".

"Jace! JC, slow down!" I called, my voice echoing through the parking lot. I began to jog, slowing down once I made it to his car. "You were just gonna leave without even letting me know why you came?

"I figured you'd need a ride since you were off work, but...whatever," he replied.

"You came to take me home?" I asked.

"Yeah, and maybe get something to eat on the way.....if you wanted to."

"Why didn't you say that? I mean, you know I was only kidding with you back there, C..."

"Yeah, yeah I know.....hop in," he said uneasily. What was going on here? I can always tell when something's wrong with JC and something is terribly wrong. What? I don't know. Yet.

I threw my bag into the backseat and hopped into the passenger side of JC's car. I inhaled the manly smell of whatever he was wearing and felt my nerves calm down. God, JC, you smell fantastic. I put on my seatbelt, my eyes quickly wandered over to JC only to find, he was watching me, but quickly shot his eyes forward to switch on the engine. Was...was he staring at me? Since when did he stare? I could barely get him to blink in my direction before.

"You wanna stop by McDonald's or Burger King or somethin'?" JC asked.

"Yeah, sure. We can eat and hang out at my place for awhile," I suggested.

"You positive?" he asked.

What the...? Why wouldn't I be? We've hung out at my place plenty of times before, what's so different all of a sudden? Did I make JC feel like he wasn't welcome at my home or something? I don't remember giving off that impression, maybe I did it unintentionally.

"Uh...yeah," I replied. I let out an annoyed sigh. Okay, that's it. I'm gonna get to the bottom of this man's recent insanity. "Josh..."

"Uh-oh...you're calling me by first name. What's the matter?" he asked, flashing his smile.

I smiled and rolled my eyes. "Actually, I was hoping you could tell me."

"I could tell you?"

"Yes...what's been going on with you lately?" I asked.

"Me? Nothing, I'm fine," he replied.

I could see that this had the potential of getting ugly. I decided to wait until we were inside and trapped between soundproof walls before I continued on.

"Alright."

I wasted no time, once we were inside my one bedroom apartment, getting back to the core of what was going on with JC. We sat across from one another, at the table, taking our meals from Burger King out its' bag.

"Okay, talk to me," I said.

JC's eyes slowly glanced up to mine and his face scrunched up. "Talk to you about...."

"Talk to me about what's been going on with you, as of late."

"There's nothing, Erielle."

"You're lying," I said.

"How are you gonna tell ME that I'm lying about something I obviously know more about than you do?" he snapped.

"Okay, see this is what I'm talking about. You've been real bitchy with me lately. I haven't even done anything to you," I said.

"Okay, whatever you say Erielle," JC said.

"What's got your panties in a bunch? Come on, Chasez, tell me why you're on your period," I taunted.

I watched JC unleash his death glare on me. I shot back a "what are you gonna do?" look and stuffed a fry into my mouth. Ugh. He was being such a jerk. All I'm trying to figure out is what I did to make him act like such an idiot toward me. You'd think I murdered one of his skanky girlfriends.

"Mermaid...just drop it," JC warned.

Ooh, I'm so scared. I stood up from my chair, I had to go to the bathroom. I was feeling my emotions boil up and it would be wise if I excused myself to calm down. What shocks me is, I usually don't let JC get to me. Things he does, I just let it slide, but this past couple of weeks he's been really pushing my buttons. And on top of me trying to get him to acknowledge me and he ignores it, this is sending me over the deep end.

"Don't fucking call me 'Mermaid'," I spat as I walked past him.

I know that wasn't something I should have said, but, what the hell? JC wasn't being fair to me. I was sick of taking his attitude and having him throw a bitch fit in my direction all the time. I'm through with the passive aggressive bullshit. I've had it.

Before I could make it to the bathroom, I felt a tight grip around my wrist. I spun around so quickly, I almost broke my arm. JC was standing there, glaring at me with fire in his eyes. I'd never seen him look so intense before. I was almost driven to being....frightened. My soundproof walls would definitely be useful for a boy band member who went temporarily psycho and destroyed everything in his path, including me.

"Joshua...," I breathed.

JC stepped in closer to me, and I cautiously backed away until my back hit the wall. Shit. Still, he kept walking forward until his body melted onto mine. I could barely breathe. There were all sorts of alarms going off in my head, but I refused to show fear. I held his intense glare. If I showed him that I wasn't going to be easily intimidated, maybe he'd back off and go on about his business. At least I hope that's how it works.

JC bit his lip, slowly leaning in my direction, as if he were about to kiss me..... Kiss me? JC placed one hand against the wall and the other cupped my face. He leaned closer...our lips barely touching... The phone rang. My home phone. The melody playing was the Superman theme song and immediately I knew it was Joey calling. Did I really want to be saved by Joe at this moment? I'm eager to know what was going to happen. Maybe I can still find out if I just get Joe off the phone quickly.

"That's Joey, I better get it," I whispered.

JC sighed heavily. I saw an irritated look wash over his face. He quickly let me free from his tight hold against my body, and stalked back down the hall. I assumed he was just upset because the phone interrupted him. Nonetheless, I followed behind him, picking up the phone once I made it into the living room.

"Hey Joe," I greeted.

"Hey Erielle, you busy?" he asked.

I watched as JC stuck all of his food back into the brown bag and grabbed his drink. He stormed out of the front door, slamming it behind him. He slammed the door so hard, it scared me. I jumped, and my heart was racing. I stood there with my mouth dropped wide open. What the unbelievable fuck just happened?!

"Eri!" Joey called in my ear.

"No! No, no....I'm not busy, come over."

---------------

I spent about an hour lying down on the couch, staring straight up, trying to figure out what I did wrong. I didn't get it. I just don't understand. Everything with JC and I was heated and angry, then....he was going to kiss me and then he didn't. He storms out of here and doesn't even call me to give me an explanation. I wasn't expecting Joey until after 11:30, so I got up and decided to take a shower.

"Knock, knock, open up!" I heard. Crap. I went to go open the door and I let Joey in. We hugged briefly, then he went to go sit down in the living room.

"Hey....are you alright?" Joey asked softly.

"Yeah Joe, I'm fine. I'm gonna go shower, okay? Remote's over there if you get bored," I said.

Joey nodded slowly. He knew that I wasn't alright, but he wasn't going to push it. I'd tell him when I was ready. I guess I should've been considerate and acknowledged that JC would do the same when he was ready. Now that I think about it, I could have handled the entire situation a bit more maturely than I did. It's just when JC and I go at it, I lose myself. I lose all my sense and rationality. It's so easy to be that way when I'm around him. JC changes me.

I cried while I was in the shower. I cried and I didn't know what was causing it. Obviously I like JC a lot more than I let on. I can't say if he feels the same based on what happened. Sure, we flirted with each other sometimes, or we used to. But I flirt with Justin and Chris, too, doesn't mean I have something going on with either of them. And he was going to kiss me....or he was about to. But Justin and I kissed once during seven minutes in Heaven (don't ask) and it was nothing. What happened tonight with JC was merely a mishap. It was just the heat of the moment, temporary lust.....right? Like I said before, JC ignored anything even remotely alluding to movie and a dinner, now he was suddenly going to kiss me?

I pulled on my pajamas, socks, and left my hair down to dry. I found Joey lying on my couch, fast asleep. I smiled. He did look beat when he came in, don't know why he just didn't go to bed instead of keeping my crazy self company. I grabbed a blanket out of the linen closet and snuck over to the couch, taking my place next to Joey, lying down on the inside. Joey felt my body heat and opened his eyes. He tightened his arm around me and smiled.

"I'm just a lazy lug, falling asleep on your couch and stuff."

"It's okay, Joe. Maybe a night of rest with my best bro could work right now." I placed my face near his neck, while he wrapped the blanket around us. "Holy hell, all you guys just smell so freakin' good."

Joey laughed and turned off the television. I needed him now more than ever. I wasn't ready to tell him about what happened with JC, because I didn't even know what happened. I was confused about a lot of things. I closed my eyes and just let myself drift away....

The next morning....

I opened my eyes, looking around, knowing I was still embraced by Joey's big arms. And I felt home. I felt safe. But it didn't wash away everything that happened last night with JC. JC. He still hasn't called. I wonder if he's okay. Again, I've never seen him that way before, and I can only worry about him making it home safely. Deep down, I care about him more than I'm willing to show him.

I decided against trying to get up, I didn't want to wake Joey. I just kept my head placed on his chest. Knowing how things can be taken, nothing has ever happened between Joey and I. He's just really one of the greatest people I know, and I feel comfortable showing affection toward him. I let my eyes close, as the rhythmic breathing was putting me back to sleep....

"Erielle!"

My eyes shot open. I must be crazy, that sounds a lot like JC. I listened for my name again, and that time I was sure. It was JC, JC is here. What's he doing here, I thought he was mad. How the hell did he get...OH! The spare key under the mat. Regardless, he's here and I can't wait to talk to him.

"Erielle, I...."

I quickly sat up, accidentally waking Joey in the process and I saw an almost horror-stricken face staring back at me. At Joey. At us. Why was JC looking at us like that? Us...us...oh...oh no. He thinks me and Joe....and we're....oh dear God.

"JC....," I began.

"Hey, what's up Jace," Joey yawned.

JC didn't even acknowledge Joey, almost like he was in another place in his mind, and he just stared at me. Finally, he shook his head and walked back toward the front door. I quickly got up and ran after him. I didn't have time to put Joey in the know, I'd tell him later. I ran down the stairs, in my socks and lunged after JC, grabbing his hand. He snatched his hand away from me. The pain I saw on his face crumbled my entire soul, I felt pain. It hurt me even more because I didn't know how to fix what he was feeling. I felt helpless.

"JC....that wasn't what you think it is," I said.

"What am I supposed to think it is, Erielle? I walk in and you guys are on the couch together, under a blanket, hugged up."

"We were only sleeping, that's it. Nothing else happened or has happened. We're just friends."

"Yeah...right. You'd better go back up there, don't wanna keep Joey waiting," he sneered. JC stormed away and got into his car.

JC thought Joey and I were doing things together? All this time? That's completely insane! Sure Joey's a wonderful man, but he's not MY wonderful man. Quicker than I could say it, everything finally slapped me in the face. Why JC changed around me. Why he wasn't the same anymore. JC was jealous of me and Joey's friendship. Not only was he jealous, he had it in his mind that Joey and I were....together. Was that why he was so oblivious to my liking him?

I watched him speed off as I dropped onto the stairs. I buried my face into my hands and felt tears sting my eyes. It was clear, now more than ever, that JC might think of me as more than a friend. If only he'd just tell me what's on his mind, he'd find out that he wasn't alone in this. He never was.