My name is Keisha and I lived to be loved. That was my life, to be loved by my true love, not half heartedly but fully.  But I denied it I denied him. I was ignorant, I was young and I gave up. In an instant I hated him I turned on him making it easier for him to give up telling me he loved me every day. Sooner rather than later I hoped he wouldn’t care and tell me that he didn’t love me anymore. I thought I could have better, that where I was wasn’t the right place, but it doesnt always work they way you want it to because when you find your one true love there is no one else. You can search and search but you become bitter, so bitter you let yourself walk into the sea.


‘Keisha baby I'm home’ Justin shouted entering our home. He probably dropped his bag then and there, he always left it right by the door it constantly nagged me but he did it nonetheless.

Too late.

As usual he began to play music through the house a ritual he couldn’t help. The lights turned on to the kitchen, he searched the kitchen a smile on his face as he noticed the 3-course meal laid out nicely for him to start and finish with. He read the message on the card left on top of one of the silver covers. It read a smile enjoy.

Remember.

He lifted the covers smiling at his favourite all time meal. He let the smell of the food over power his senses and then it hit him.
‘Damn she never cooks something like this unless…’ he raced up the stairs stopping taking his time to catch his breath as he threw the door wide open.

He gazed at the bed but there was no one occupying it. He didn’t bother to check the rest of the rooms a feeling telling him she wasn’t in the house. He switched the garden patio lights outside and it lit up the front half of the vast garden that belonged to them. He noticed the towel and shoes on the patio outside, she must be in a good mood if she's waiting for him in the garden Justin thought.  It had been so long that he ran down the steps skipping a couple just to get to her sooner.

Don’t be mad.

He walked slowly outside smoothing his hair he couldn’t help but brush his clothes. He sighed thinking that she might just tell him to eat first.  

Here it comes.

He searched round the patio and slowly walked further into the garden wandering where and how far she had got to. His eyes fell to the private beach and landed on something he wished wasn’t what it seemed to be. 

To say rushed would be an understatement Justin charged to the water the sand hitting him flicking his eyes making them water not just from the pain but from the dread.
'Keisha 'he cried over and over again jumping into the water, he swam to my body pulling me by my clothes to get to the shore. It took almost all his strength to get me to the sand. My cold, still, wet body laid there face up to Justin.

‘Keisha baby please’ he begged shaking me his CPR knowledge suddenly unbeknownst to him.  Over and over again he tried to wake me up with words. He took a short moment and thought rationally and he begun to try with everything he had to bring me back to life. He used the back of his hand to wipe away the tears that blurred his vision but there was no change I didn’t move only when Justin's oxygen filled my lungs and escaped again doing nothing but be a waste. He cried hard not letting the thought of giving up enter but surely his heart was breaking down slowly he could feel pain like no other and it hurt his every cell as his mind, heart, body and soul lost everything it lived for. 

‘Keisha why did you do this’ my mothers words echoed round me in this white room I suddenly found myself to be in. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said the white was blinding. Was it really my mother or was the white affecting my brain. Where was Justin
‘Mom where are you’ I cried spinning round the room or just endless white there was no door n walls it was like an open white wash of space.
‘In your heart’ she whispered and that’s when she reappeared looking more beautiful than I had imagined.

‘Mom’ I cried teas springing down my face as I hugged her tightly vowing to never let go. She smelled the same she gave out the same warm feeling.
‘Keisha how could you?’ she said her voice somehow harsh as she separated us and place her hands on my shoulders. She was angry she was upset but I was finally with her. 
‘It wasn’t meant to hurt, he wasn’t mean to try and be with me’ I answered inside distraught that I had almost caused Justin to take his own life to join me.
‘Lucky his clown friend arrived’ I tried to remember what happened after Trace arrived but it was all blank to me.

‘You've always been there haven’t you’ I whispered
‘Always but not recently you weren’t my daughter anymore Keisha'  
‘But mom it was like you didn’t listen when I begged for you. I felt alone I couldn’t hear your caring words’ I let out finally telling her how hard it had been for me not being able to communicate with her

‘Keisha you are strong and always have been my words were reassurance that I was there. You'd be strong without me. I gave you the love you have and you turned from it so I wasn’t there anymore ’. Why was life so confusing why did I have to lose my mother why couldn’t she be with me?  

‘What happens?' I asked realising my mistake ready to face the mess I had created 
‘You die’ she answered crying herself covering her face with her hands shaking her head. I couldn't convince myself that my mom was just saying that to punish me. She never lied to me. I was never going to be with Justin again. 
‘Cant I go back I'm sorry’ I whimpered wanting desperately to be with Justin
‘It's too late’
‘Mom I don’t want to go so quickly’ I wanted to marry Justin have a family with him. I wanted to cook him breakfast for his birthday I wanted to do so much'

‘You should've thought of that Keisha’ My mom cried back to me I crumbled something went missing inside and I touched my chest and it honestly felt like I had no heart my heart which belonged to Justin had been stolen from me.
‘It's okay Keisha I'm here’ I held my mom’s hand and hugged her again and looked back to my darling Justin and suddenly I couldn’t accept that I was going, I couldn’t go yet.

I miss seeing him and Justin talk, and get along, as if they were father and son.

"Kiesha." he whispered, as if he was trying to get my attention to watch the home video.

I began to watch it, trying to think of what party it was, and then I saw Justin going down on one knee, proposing to me, and I said yes. I turned to Justin to see how he was taking this 'cause boy, was I in tears. Before I could get a look, he ran out of the house, and straight to his car. My mind went blank, and I passed out. This usually happens when Justin moves too far away too quickly.

I finally woke up, lying on grass. I sat up straight, and looked around where I was, which was a graveyard, and I was sitting in front of my tombstone.

My tombstone. I had never been given the chance to see, as Justin wouldn't visit it. It was so beautiful. Exactly what I would've wanted. I turned to Justin, whose soft voice began to sing, filling my eardrums. It was our favourite song, 'I Do'. He made it with the guys, straight after I said 'yes'.

He stopped, and began to talk.

"K, baby, hearing you say that you would marry me bought tears to my eyes, not just yours. Ever since I met you, I wanted to call you my wife."

He broke down to tears, and I hated myself. My death brought so much pain to Justin. It was unbearable seeing him trying to cope with it.

Justin had drove for hours, that I fell asleep. He stopped at a hotel. A hotel which looked familiar, but maybe I had seen it on the Internet when I was alive. He strangely booked for tonight, even though he had a home to go to, and asked for a special room. I thought it was a celebrity thing, but when I reached inside, did I realise how much meaning it had to both Justin and me. This was the hotel the room I let Justin take my virginity. When I truly knew I loved Justin, and that he truly did love me, I gave him the most pure thing I could think of.

And I appeared.

"Fancy seeing you here." Justin whispered, still looking down from the bed. I took no time rushing to him.
"Justin, I love you. It hurts and it killed me. I should've believed. I should've remembered what made me love you. I'm sorry for doing this to you. How could I do this to the both of us?"
"Kiesha, baby..." he hushed me.
"I love you. I think you've forgotten this is our anniversary of when we first ever met at junior high."
"Omd, Justin! See, how could I want to leave? How could I be so selfish?" I said, tears rolling down my cheeks.
"Kiesha, I love you, and always will."
"Me too, Justin."

I hugged him tightly and our lips met and stayed locked for a very long time. I felt dizzy when he pulled away. And that night, Justin made sweet love to me again.

I could feel Justin stroking my hair. I opened my eyes, turning to him.

"K, baby, last night I prayed so hard you would stay in my arms, so I knew I wasn't dreaming."
"J, I love you." I whispered, my brown eyes connecting with his in a strong gaze.
"I love you too." and his lips met mine. I pulled back, a strange feeling in my stomach.
"Remember, and don't forget, I would've loved to be Kiesha Timberlake. But please, Justin, promise you'll love again. Otherwise this may happen." I said my, voice cracking.
"Kiesha, don't." He held my wrists tightly.

I was invisible.

"Kiesha, honey!" I heard my mom call.
"Mom, what's going on?" I asked, looking around for her, but I wasn't in the hotel room anymore. I was in a white room.
"When I died, I knew it would be hard for you to believe in love again, but I begged that you would find that right person, and soon. But, when he truly loved you, a love so much more than I could give, you became afraid. But you loved again, and you're going."
"Going where?"
"Back to love." she smiled.
"I love you, mom." I hugged her tight.
"I love you too, Kiesha. I want to see those grandchildren soon."
"Mom!" I whined, rollign my eyes.
"Well, I wouldn't worry. I can wait 4, maybe 5 months." she informed me, giving me a wink, and I realised the news my mom just broke to me. So sneaky of her! I hugged her again, tight.

"Kiesha, please wake up!" I heard Justin's voice beg.

I was back! I was back in my body on earth, but dead.

"Kiesha, don't leave me, please! I'm nothing without you." I could hear Justin's voice, but it seemed to be fading away.
"Kiesha, come back to me! Please, God, don't take her. I love her!" Justin looked up to the sky.
"Janice, send your daughter back to me!" his voice begging, but also demanding.
"Justin." I whispered, chocking on the water. I sat up to let it come out.
"Kiesha, don't you ever do that again!"
"I promise. I love you."
"I love you too." Justin hugged me really tight, I thought I was going to die again.
"Thank you, God! Thank you so much!" Justin smiled.
"Thanks, Mom." Kiesha hugged Justin tighter.

My life was to be loved, and once I accepted it, I found true love. Obstacles always come and go, but you can't ever give up. If you give up, you might as well give up your life, but trust me you don't want to do that.