"I dunno, 'Lan," my little cousin tells me, never calling me Chris or Alan since she was around a year old. Nine years of being 'Lan to her, I just answer to it now because I know it's her.
"Pookie, just do it. Besides, I already have your parents' ok."
"You'll be driving through Clarion, right?" she asks, thinking about it.
"Yes, we will live in my apartment in Orlando and Molly is coming with me."
"Molls is coming?" she asks with so much excitement.
"Yes, she will attend high school down there. Mom is moving down there by the end of summer, Pook."
I call her Pookie for the simple reason that she tried to say 'cookie' but it came out 'pookie' instead and it's the first word she said to me. She was about one or two and I was in fourth grade, plus mom has it on tape. "Can we meet some celebrities?"
I laugh at her enthusiasm. "That's LA, not Orlando," I tell her.
"No, there's a beach near there! And MMC is taped there!"
"Right! I forgot about your obsession for the Tony kid and that Ryan Gossomething boy."
"Ryan Gosling," she proudly announces. She is a Nickelodeon and Disney kid.
"Yeah, maybe we can attend a few tapings." Oh, her name and birthdate? Cassandrya Jaylyn Kirkpatrick and was born June 17, 1979 in Clarion.
"Maybe."
"I'll make sure you meet them."
"Cookie promise?" A cookie promise is where I get her a Cookie Monster doll and my mom sews a velcro closure pocket in its back to write promises and store them. A new start calls for a new one.
"I uphold the cookie promise with a new monster," I ensure her.
"Ok, deal. I'll go. Promise is a promise."
"I'll scoop you in two weeks. I leave in a week, Pook."
"Do me a favor, 'Lan?"
"What's that?"
"Call me anything close to my name in public and only Pookie at home."
"Sure, 'Drya."

June 13, 1990
It's four days before her 11th birthday and I'm minutes away from picking her up to head to Orlando after some down time. I'll be staying here the night and all day tomorrow until after dinner, sleeping while she has her final full day of school here in Clarion. I have to drive 18 hours to get us to Orlando, Molly in tow.
I have on a Pittsburgh Penguins jersey, jeans and a pair of Converses that need replacing soon. Mom will be here early tomorrow with my other three sisters, Kate, Taylor and Emily. Pookie said something about having a Christmas present she forgot about for me and one for each of my sisters. She's never been cheap on us, always spending her allowance and babysitting money on things we need. I know she's always thought of us because we mean so much to her, more than the rest of the family. Molly is asleep in the backseat and I have my little beater of a Volkswagen Rabbit.
It's almost time for Pook to get up and I'll be outside, leaning on this piece of shit to give her a ride to school.

Talk about timing it all just right. I pull out front and sit on the edge of the hood, patiently waiting for her to come outside. She's plugged into her Walkman as she comes out of the house, locking the door after herself and being the last one out. She's an only child. She walks down the porch steps, looking at the ground to ensure her footing. I sneak up behind her and reminiscent of that weirdo that breathes down Helga's neck in 'Hey Arnold'. She whips around and punches me in the stomach, I hunch over as I hold my gut while I wait for the pain to subside. "Jeeze, Chris! You know not to do that!" she scolds.
"I forgot," I wheeze.
"You'll think twice before doing it again, huh?" she comments, shoving her Walkman in her sweatshirt pocket and placing her fists on her small hips. In a year or two, she's going to have curves and I know that any guy that tries anything will be owned…by her!
"Yeah," I say, sucking in a breath and standing up straight. "I'm so nice that even after that greeting, I'm still willing to give you a ride to school."
"Where's your hot rod?" she retorts teasingly.

Ok, the nickname is retarded, the one he gave me. I'm Cassandrya, but I have a few nicknames. Chris calls me 'Pookie', most people call me Cass, Cassie, or 'Drya and Chris is the only one I'll let call me that ridiculous nickname. I'm wearing my favorite hip huggers, a baggy shirt (which used to be his old football jersey) and my black, blue and silver Reeboks. Chris and I wear the same size shoe, I know he might try to snag em. I don't like the shoes girls have out there, so I get my shoes from the guys' section.
Enough of the basic info. I'm sitting in my last class, waiting for the bell to ring. My seat is next to the window and I look out to find Chris waving at me. I can't wait to leave this hodink bitty town and go to Orlando. This is the last day of school and we start toward Orlando, Florida after dinner, about 7:30 tonight I think he said. "Cassandrya, what was the dog God's name according to the ancient Egyptians?" Mrs. Grier asks me.
I'm in my 6th grade history class, top student in my grade. ADHD hasn't even stopped me from being the best, I just have to put more effort in than most kids my age. "The dog God's name is Anubis, he played an important role in the burial process for the pharaohs and their families."
"Thank you."
I watch the clock slowly tick away the minutes, it's only three minutes before school's out and I'm growing impatient. I've handed in extra credit work and a written exam, all of it a week ago. I get so wrapped up in my thoughts that the final bell catches me off guard, making me jump when it rings.

I grab my bag and dart out of the school faster than I've done all year, even when it came to soccer or cheerleading practice. I did basketball cheer squad and played soccer, I have received medals and trophies for both because I busted my butt to be as good as I am.

Gymnastics and martial arts have been in my after school schedule since preschool, today being of no exception. I jump in his VW and we take off for the gymnastics meet I have today, remembering that I have a martial arts meet and competition at four. I get out of school at 1:30, attend gymnastics from four until 5:30 and participate in my other activity between 6 and 8. I spend weekends practicing both gymnastics and martial arts if I don't have a meet or tournament, I'm always practicing something. I'm a very physically active preteen girl. I have vocal lessons from 8:30-9 every night during the week, which is a waste because I'll never have a reason to use it. I'm a tenor/falsetto depending on the notes in the piece I'm singing. Weekends are spent practicing and having vocal lessons, the latter being after dinner for three hours. This means tonight is my last night for these three things in Clarion.

I check the time on my watch as 'Lan and I get back in his beater, noting that my vocal coach will be there mere minutes after us. Her name is Patrice, but I call her Pat. She's in her late twenties, red-brown hair, gray-blue stormy eyes and looks like a real woman-she has curves and reminds me of Marilyn Monroe. "Vocal lessons?" he asks me.
"We'll barely make it home before she arrives."
He sighs and starts the engine, backing out of the parking lot. The short ride home is spent with Chris and I doing vocal warm ups, I began them alone and his true falsetto voice joined in as I do my scales. We even sing the short conversation we share.

"Are we there yet?"
"No."
"How about now?"
"No," I growl. She's always been the first one up and the most irritating because it's who she is. She's been asking if we've gotten into Orlando for the past ten minutes while Molly laughs hysterically, it sounding like sniggering. Of course it's entertaining the two of them, it's annoying the shit out of me. When the two of them begin whispering in the backseat it makes me nervous, curious as to what they could be contemplating. The whispering eats an hour of time without mercy and they see the 'Welcome to Orlando' sign, prompting shrieks and squeals to come from them.

Mom beat me to Orlando, she left three days before I had to follow the movers down here. Dad is paying for me to attend college and our house, finally giving a shit after not even caring enough to call or anything for my birthday after taking off when I was a little kid.

Molly and Pookie clamber out of the car and ooh and ahh over the outside of the house, racing for the door and Pook wins of course. I say that sports have helped her socially and physically, not to throw in health-wise. She's always been in shape. "Oh my gosh, 'Lan! It's absolutely breath taking beautiful!" she yells, popping her head out of the front door again as I peek around the side of the car to grab our bags.
"I bet!" I yell back, smiling cuz she approves of it and she's the third hardest girl to please in the family-my mom and our grandma being the other two. She darts back into the house and I grab the bags before striding inside, whistling my approval and surprised that dad did a good job choosing the place. "Nice, dad."

Once we got settled in, Pookie and I leave to find the MMC studio to obtain tickets for her birthday in a couple days. We show up there and walk into auditions, albeit unknowingly. She sees this kid in a blue button up shirt, black jeans and white hi-tops, he has brown hair and blue eyes. "He's cute," she tells me, stopping in her tracks and looking love sick.
"Now, you'll be singing Richard Marx's 'Right Here (Waiting For You)'?" the female talent scout for the show asks him.
He nods. "Yes, ma'am," he confirms, clearing his throat and taking a gulp of water prior to opening his mouth to belt out the song acapella.
"Thank you, Joshua Chasez."
"You're welcome. Thank you for having me audition."
He walks toward us and smiles at Pookie. "'Drya, no."
"Chris, yes." He looks at her honey colored eyes and stops dead in his tracks next to her, inches between their bodies. "I'm Cassandrya and this is my cousin, Chris." She motions to us and gives a shy smile, breathing slightly different. I get this strange feeling that he might her once in a lifetime.
"I'm Josh, you no doubt overheard," he says, motioning behind himself and having a smile on his lips.
"Yeah," she sighs, the toe of her shoe scuffing the floor and blushing, but her eyes don't shift from his. "Where, um, are you from?"
"Bowie, Maryland, you?" He smiles at her and I cross my arms, a glower coming from my eyes.
"Clarion, Pennsylvania."

"Joshua Chasez, we'd like to sign you right now. We've called you back and would like to offer you a spot."
"Let me get my mom," he tells her, smiling.
"Let me give you our address and you can stop in, we live a few blocks away."
"Crush, crush, crush," I harshly mutter and she smacks my chest as he offers her the back of his hand after taking a pen from a talent scout.
She scribbles our address onto his skin flawlessly and with minimal thought, most likely getting it days before from mom. "I'll see if I can come by tonight to hang out," he tells her, rushing off to get his mom.
"You're not dating him."
"Make a bet?"
"Not right off the bat," I warn her.
"No der, captain obvious."
He comes back into the room and introduces his mom to us before we head out to locate the ticket vendor.

We arrive at the house three hours after we had departed, tickets for her and I on her birthday. "Not my point. Hi, mom. They had just enough tickets for her and I."
"I can entertain the girls here," she assures me, placing the first of seven dishes on the table.
Mom had always busted her butt to take care of us. "Pookie has a crush," I taunt her, half singing 'crush'.
She blushes, shoving me away from her. "Shut up, 'Lan!"
"Who might this boy be?"
"His name is Josh. He has the most gorgeous blue eyes and slicked back brown hair, best of all he is so sweet." She helps set the dinner table, smiling bashfully throughout.
"How did you meet him?"
Mom is genuinely interested in this intel. "We got lost in the building for MMC and walked in on his audition, he was offered a spot right after he finished."
"Is there anything else?"
"It's okay I invited him over later tonight?"
"Of course it is, 'Drya." Mom sees the glare I've been giving Pook, shooting me a more intimidating one my way over 'Drya's head as she places a kiss to the top of it.

That Josh kid is seconds away from knocking on our door and I get a good laugh at his nervous demeanor as he stands on our front porch and pulls his hand through his brushed back hair, chewing on the inside of his bottom lip before he rings the doorbell. I watch from my place in the kitchen, my body pressed to the wall like a spy and watch him. He lifts his hand, pointer finger ready to press the button and holds it on the lighted switch for three seconds. I can see him bouncing on his feet, hands jammed into his jeans' pockets and I hear 'Drya come running from the family room. "You're such a jerk," she tells me as she jogs by me.
"I'm doing intel work for mom," I fib to her.
"I'm Princess Diana," she sarcastically remarks, her hand on the door handle and her thumb presses the lever above it, pulling it inward to open it. "Hi, Josh!" she greets him, wrapping her arms around his neck in a hug and he nervously reciprocates the motion.
"Um, hey." He's nervous, more so than when they met earlier and I think I'm gonna toy with him.
"Don't even consider it, Christopher," mom warns me in Spanish and I roll my eyes before turning to smile at her.
"Of course I'm not," I absolutely lying to her, being slightly too sweet.
She raises her eyebrows and crosses her arms over her chest, not believing me for even half a second. "Christopher," she scolds with a Spanish accent, narrowing her eyes at me.
I sigh, knowing I've been busted before I get the chance to make this kid squirm. I know Kate and Taylor will do my dirty work for me. "Yes, mom."

She and Josh sit in the family room on the orange padded window seat, talking quietly between each other and she giggles as he tells her something, talking with his hands and smiling. I'm not comfortable with this, not in the least and I begin considering that it had been a bad idea to have her move here with us. Taylor pulls me out of my thoughts by clambering onto my lap on the couch. "Tay, go climb in her lap and ruin their time," I request, pointing at Pookie and Joooosssshhhh. Insert sneer and eye roll here.

I watch Tay scamper off to their spot from the corner of my eye and see Pook graciously pull her onto her lap, holding her while carrying on her conversation. I smirk when her attention is diverted to my sister, her shirt being tugged downward and I frown as she talks to him while playing hand games with my baby sister. Too much experience with kids, that's what it is. "Shit," I say to myself.
I see her put Tay on her feet, pointing at me and whispering in her ear. I don't like this. Before I could try to react, Tay's running over and tugs my hand in the direction of her room. I can't seem to tell her no, so I follow her into the play room.

Once they say their good-byes and see you soons, having traded phone numbers in the process, Taylor allows me to leave the room she's in. Pookie closes the door and leans on it, sighing as if she had been swooned. "What did you talk about?"
"Hmm? Oh, just family and friends and school and moving," she casually mentions, walking to the fridge with me in tow and getting a drink. "He asked me to attend some tapings and I said I'd have to clear it with Auntie first. He wants me to hang with him a bit more."
My eyes bulge out of their prospective sockets. "ABSOLUTELY NOT! Cassandrya, I forbid you to see him! He's after one thing!" I scream at her, pointing with my finger aimed toward her abdomen.
"He's not like that, Christopher Alan! His momma and daddy are more respectable and Auntie has told me otherwise. He's invited me for dinner at his parents' Saturday evening and she said it was 'polite'. Shove it," she informs me, storming away to her room and slams her door.
"CHRISTOPHER ALAN KIRKPATRICK!" mom hollers for and at me, rounding the corner to the kitchen. "What did you say to upset her now?"

June 17, 1990

"That was not needed."
"Believe me, 'Drya, I know what I'm talking about."
"Be nice, but not sickeningly so," she quietly growls at me, spotting that kid and waving him over. They hug and she smiles. "Hi, Josh. What's new?"
"First day of filming for me, I'm a bit nervous." Their eyes lock right away.
She stands on her toes, quickly kisses his cheek and smiles once she's flat on her feet again. "Little better?"
He nods, a shy smile forming. "Some, thanks."
As I plan the ways I could hurt him if he hurts her in any way, I tune out their conversation because mom tore into me when he came over that first night and have since kept my nose out of her 'friendship' with this kid.
"Could you drop me off at Josh's or can I just stay with him after the taping?"
"What, 'Drya?"
"Auntie said I can go to his house, could you drop me off at his house or can I just stay with him after the taping?" she repeats.
"You can stay with him. Call the house when you get there and before you head home," I tell her.
"Thanks, Chris." She hugs me and kisses me on the cheek.
I'm 5'7" and she's 5'3", this kid is near 5'9" and that's why she has to stand on her tippy toes to kiss his cheek, not so much me. Like I had said a few minutes ago, I'm not too comfortable with her being friends with him, but I don't want to deal with mom's wrath. That means I don't really have a choice in the matter.

I run to catch up to him on his way to his old car that I found out got him from Ohio to Pennsylvania to Orlando.
"What do you want, Josh?" he asks me, annoyed.
"Can I confide in you?" I nervously ask him.
"You're sweating bullets. I'm gonna guess it has to do with 'Drya. I have plans to suffer through 'Phantom of the Opera' with her and my sisters."
"I've come to realize that I really like her."
He looks at me quizzically before bursting out in loud laughter. "I could tell two months ago!"
"It's that obvious?" I ask, my hand going to the back of my neck and rubbing it.
"Yes, since day one. It's been a couple months since I met 'Drya and I like her, but I'm still getting to know her. Her cousin is very protective, nice as well and her aunt and other cousins are a blast. I've been hanging out over their house alot around my tutoring and MMC. She's a ball of pure energy and has proven to be a good person. "Chris!" I yell out, calling to him and She likes you too. My mom is okay with her spending the night at your house for your birthday. Hell, she was even told she could spend the weekend after your birthday at your house! You get two whole days with her as your shadow and a weekend to hang out with her, seeing as she's become good friends with your sister and our moms have become close."
It's two days before my birthday, I'll be 14 and I hope that 'Drya has a good time at my house.

Heather and 'Drya have been speaking in pig Latin around me, I'm most likely the subject of those conversations and she's been teaching Heather Spanish. Tyler walks up to the two of them in the yard, says something in pig Latin and Heather grabs his shirt, ready to tear into him. He puts his hands up in surrender and I read his lips-'I won't tell Josh, promise'. 'Drya had stayed with me after the taping and walked the couple blocks back to my house. We've been here for about half an hour maybe and Tyler's already bugging them.
He walks to me and smiles. I launch my arm out to grab the back of his shirt, stopping him beside the hammock I'm laying on. "What won't you tell me? I know you don't keep those promises," I say, speaking the truth.
"Just that 'Drya likes you."
"I know. I found out from her cousin earlier. I like her too."
Tyler carefully sits on the hammock, a confused look coming onto his features. "Why not tell her?"
"I don't want to scare her."
"Dude, she's afraid to tell you because she thinks you'll laugh at her."
"Really? I'll try to talk to her later, walk around the block alone later."
"I'm not sure mom and dad will allow that."
"It's not like I'm going to try anything," I scoff, rolling my eyes.
"Whatever, ask." He gets up and walks around to the side of the house, disappearing inside.

We're almost done with dinner and I decide that now is the time to request what I have on my mind. "Mom, dad, is there any chance you'd allow 'Drya and I to walk around the block alone after dinner?"
I push my meatloaf around my plate, waiting for my parents to answer while they discuss it. I watch them out of the corner of my eyes, hoping they agree that it's ok and give me the required stipulations. "Josh, you can do that, but you have to stay in the cul de sac and have to be back in this house by nightfall," mom informs me a few minutes later as we begin to clear the table.
'Drya smiles at me, her lightly tanned cheeks a rosy pink and goes to grab her shoes from Heather's room, her feet lightly hitting each stair as she ascends. I get my shoes from near the back door and slip them on, waiting patiently on the bench by the front door. Dad stops in front of me and raises an eyebrow. "You like her, son?" I nod, too embarrassed to say much for the moment. "A piece of wise advice-don't rush her and don't ever compare her to any other person."
"Thanks, dad."
"I'm ready to go."
"Dad, can we take the bikes over to the field off to the side?"
"Sure."

I lead the way to the bikes, taking mine and adjusting my spare bike for her. We get to the fields, lay in the tall grass and she lays on her side. "Can I be honest with you?"
"Sure you can." She turns onto her side as I do, facing one another.
"I like you."
She says nothing for a couple minutes, looking into my cerulean orbs with her dark honey eyes as she studies something and slowly smiling. "I think I like you, Joshua."

That day had been the best day and a couple weeks later was the worst day, the day I asked Nikki out drove a stake between us until Justin came on set.

Who knew the same summer I would meet my first crush, I'd be so hurt by him? I had been hanging around the set again, secretly hanging out with Tony and Ryan and avoiding Josh. I've gotten so good at it that it came so naturally. I've seen new cast members come and old ones leave, two of the new ones have caught my attention-Christina and Britney. They're nice girls, so much fun to be around and we've been hanging out for quite some time now. It's February vacation for me and I'm walking around the mall with them, gossiping about Josh and this new face on set. He's sort of cute, I believe Justin's his name, a year and a half younger than I with baby blues and dirty blonde curls. He's a southern sweetie and very shy, but far too close to Josh at times.

"Oh, my gosh! Look!" Britney harshly whispers, shifting her eyes to my left to point something out.
"It's Justin, he's alone," Christina announces in a soft tone.
"He's a year and-" I begin reminding them.
"Half younger and you don't think it'd work," they echo back, having heard the excuse far too many times in the past three weeks.
"That's beside the point."
"Brit, no. He's more you."
"No," she argues, giving me a sideways glare that tells me to invite him to sit with us or she will tell Josh where I've been hiding for the past couple years.
Yes, it's now February 1993 and it's been a long time since I've hung out with Josh. Nikki is a sweet girl, but I didn't feel included when I hung out with them cuz they'd suck each other's faces off the whole time. I'd sit there and wish it was me kissing him.

Now, it's whatever. I'm 13 and turn 14 in just under 4 months, almost high school time for me. I have to get through the last few months of middle school and the summer before I get to get the final four years of my education in the fall. "Justin," I greet him with my almost perfect smile and a warm embrace.
"Oh, 'Drya, hi."
"You should sit with us."
"I'm looking for-"
"Please?"
I give him the doe eyes and he caves, agreeing to it. "What are you three accomplishing here?" he asks, sitting across from me.
"Catching up, bondin'," Brit twangs out, covering her mouth immediately after. She's always been shy when it comes to her accent.
Justin chuckles and begins telling a story about his friend 'Trace' back home, how they'd get into trouble with his southern drawl apparent. A good chunk of time passes by, filled with laughter and a good time. A tap on my shoulder interrupts this, so I lean my head back as Justin loudly gulps. "Long time no see or talk," I'm greeted.
I exhale annoyed and irritated. "I told you and you get with another." Brit and Christina know the whole reason why I've avoided this person for so long.
"Look, 'Drya, we need to talk," he reasons, arms folded over his pecs. He's going to be 17 in August and I'll have been 14 for 7 weeks by then.
I push my chair back, standing up and almost hit him with the chair I had been in. "Let's get it done with." I look at Justin and the girls. "I'll be back in 15, half tops."
We start walking through the food court, nothing uttered between us. "I'm sorry I hurt you."
"I'm sorry you let me go."
"Look, I'm just confused."
"So aren't I. Try another."
"I still like you, far more than I should," he begins explaining.
"What's keeping you from your lips meeting mine?" He looks at me, a warning in his eyes. "Nikki? Chris? Fear of just letting go? What?" I'm beyond cross with him, knowing how he feels about me and it only makes me more upset when he avoids the subject.
He turns on his heel and rapidly makes his way to the table with me right behind him, merely steps in front of me. "Let's go, Justin."
"Why? Is she your ex-girlfriend or something?" Of course he wouldn't tell the kid, I feel bad cuz he has no clue what's going on.
"No, I'm not his ex, we were close friends who like each other and then Nikki happened and after awhile I just stopped talking to him and it's been a year or two now," I say, tears welling up in my eyes as my level of frustration grows with each word.
"Maybe we should head back to your place, 'Drya," Britney suggests.

"I so hate how nonchalant he had been, like we're still friends and he acted we had never stopped talking and hanging out!" I shout, having bitched the whole 5 block walk to my house with Britney and Christina listening to me go on and on about one person. We sit on the grass-covered backyard.
"Ok! Look, we get it, we do! You're not talking to him after that happened and then he and Nikki got serious a month ago and you're upset he acted like that," Christina snaps, grabbing her platinum blonde locks at the roots in her fisted hands.
"Girl, you might just have to reconnect to fix it," Britney points out, having witnessed our honest reactions to seeing one another and knowing that emotions run high between he and I. She and Christina work alongside Josh and Justin.
"Reconnect with who to fix what?" Chris asks, making us jump ten feet in the air cuz we hadn't seen or heard him when he opened the door to the backyard.
"Josh and her ran into one another and had some words. She pretty much called him a wuss."
"Thanks, Christina," I spat. "Now, Christopher, we'll be in my room discussing this matter without you eavesdropping," I tell him, pushing him away with one hand so I could get by.

Once inside the safe haven of my room, I lay on my window seat while Brit takes my bed and Christina relaxes in my computer chair, spinning it in slow circles. "I just don't see why it's such a big deal."
"She really likes JC and we know he likes her, the way he asks about her says it all," Brit reminds her.
I sigh, looking up at the constellation of the Gemini astrology sign in glow in the dark stars. "Does he really feel anything, like truly?"
"He seems so broken hearted when we lie to him, telling him we haven't spoken to you yet. Ryan and Tony have seen him writing a song, your initials on it and it might just be for you," Christina informs me, sounding bored until she mentions the song.
"I doubt it."
"Girl, I don't think that it's beyond a possibility and he does miss you. I may have kinda sorta took a peek in his notebook and journal a time or two," Brit confesses, looking pretty guilty and somehow innocent.
I prop myself on my elbows to look in her brown eyes, Christina's blues doing the same. "Well, spill, girlie! What'd it say?" I demand, wanting every little thing she can recall to meet with my ears and to find a spot to nestle in my memory for later dates.

Just before dinner I had walked them home, Chris in tow and dinner had been eaten before I showered and began working on an essay for my language arts class and another assignment for my French class. They're both due on Monday, the day we get back from the break.
Brit had told me, a bit too excited, every single word about me she had seen written in his writing and Christina promised a copy of the song he wrote as well, the very one she claims that has my initials adorned on it. "Today turned out decent," I whisper to myself, glancing at my phone and trying to remember if 9p is too late to call one number I haven't called in almost forever. I dial anyway, unintentionally holding in a breath of air and releasing it when nobody answers except the answering machine. "Josh, it's me. Can we talk tomorrow? I'm sorry for how I acted today. Heather and Tyler, I'll see you tomorrow night." I hang up and watch my coil corded phone on my desk for a moment, wishing he'd call me back right now. I sigh, admitting defeat and confessing one thing to myself-how badly I've missed him.

I had gone to grab my song to finish compiling it with Tony, only to find the entire notebook missing from my bookbag. "This isn't funny!" I shout, hoping the culprit hears me clearly. I spot a familiar book with metal spiral binding poking out from under the chair I had my bag on, feeling like a jerk the moment I realize it's mine. 'Drya is coming down the hall, three of my cast mates with her at the very least.
"Josh, hi," she says, a light blush appearing on her cheeks.
"Hey, 'Drya. I got your message this morning. Do you have a few minutes?" I cautiously say.
She gives Justin, Britney and Ryan a look before they smile to each other, leaving the room promptly. She scoops her black cherry colored hair in her hand to let it flow down her back, it's a few inches above her jeans by now. She makes quick of tying her hair up into a huge messy bun on the back of her head, her deep honey colored eyes focused on me. "I have come to conclude that I still feel as strongly as I had two years ago."
I feel relief wash over me, knowing she feels the same. I can't tell her, but I want to and it kills me to lie to her, to tell her anything different than what she believes. "I lied yesterday."
"No, you're lying now and I can tell before you even begin to speak it." She's caught me in so many lies before, she shows she means business by folding her arms across her front and a stern look coming into her eyes, her face disbelieving as she gently rocks her head side to side. Her stance hasn't changed too much, her hips beginning to be noticeable and protruding opposite from the foot she has diagonally positioned on the floor. "My heart has been in your hands, don't you get that? I'll never stop till the end of time," she whispers, having strutted over to me and embracing me.
Her style had changed, she used to wear loosely fitting shirts that hid her frame and now she wears shirts that outline her frame to compliment her figure. She still wears those flare or bell bottom jeans, jerseys and now has braces on her teeth. I sigh and just hold her close to my body, Tony coming in to check what could be taking me so long. He sees our bodies together in a hug, walking back out of the room without a word and having shared a quick understanding glance between he and I. "I understand now."
"I should let you get back to what you were on the way to do," she reasons, knowing I have work to do.
I bend down to pick up the notebook and notice my bag is unzipped, smiling at her as I walk out. I stop at the doorway and promise to call her later tonight, some time between 8 and 9.

It's minutes before Tony and I are due to go on that stage in front of all these people, 'Drya in the front row closest to the place I'll be singing from. I'm a nervous wreck because of this song, it's for her and I hope she knows. I ensured she would have a ticket through Tony and Christina. I swallow and walk onto that stage, Tony at my side to play the acoustic guitar for this while Disney records it. "This song is called 'Now & Forever'," I intro, silence falling rapidly afterward. Tony begins to play the melody and I sing my heart out, my deep ocean blues on her honey painted orbs as I look for emotions that are very adamant, easily found. Once the song is done and the taping ends, she finds me seconds after Nikki does.
"Was it for me?" my girlfriend asks.
"More for my family and friends, someone I've missed for a couple years," I tell her, seeing 'Drya standing a few feet away.
"Te he echado de menos," she announces, smiling.
I have no clue what she said, but I'm pretty sure it's a good thing because she's smiling. I walk around Nikki to receive a warm hug from 'Drya and truly smile for the first time in more than a year, knowing she's forgiven me now. I'll ask her what she said someday, but this isn't the time to find out. "Thanks for coming today."

I got home and told Heather about what had been said to her best friend, the song I sang. I had to show her the lyrics for her to understand why I had been so nervous, followed by the relief of being emotionally liberated when it was done and even laughed together after I repeated what I told Nikki. Don't get me wrong, she likes Nikki-it's funny because 'Drya had been within earshot when I said it. We sit at the table and have our dinner, mom and dad noticing my smile is real. "Something good happened today," mom comments.
"Yeah, 'Drya and I are talking again."
"Good, maybe you'll stop sulking around the house," dad retorts.
"Make sure you make non-Nikki time to hang out with 'Drya," Tyler informs me.
"I kind of figured that part out," I respond.
Tyler smiles and shrugs at me, aware that's where I messed up last time with her. She probably told both of my siblings, to ensure I'm reminded why she stopped talking to me in the first place and not to have it repeated. The rest of dinner is spent talking about the set, our studies and cast members. We clean up after, retiring to our rooms to do some homework and I wait for 8:15 to come around. I just barely get through my history work when I look up to see there's two minutes left before I want, more like need to call her. My phone rings seconds later, I quickly pick up. "JC?"
"Hey, man. Look, J, I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Why?"
"I need to call 'Drya."
"Oh, that's okay." He takes a breath, sounding like a bored sigh. "Mention how much you miss her," he reminds me, saying good-bye and disconnecting the call just in time for me to call her.
The phone rings a few times before her aunt picks up. "Hello?"
"Hi, Mrs. Kirkpatrick. Is 'Drya available?"
"Always so polite. Yes, she is. Just a moment."
I hear her call out for 'Drya to pick up the phone in her room, soon greeted with her voice informing her aunt and I that she picked up, wanting to talk to me in a semi-private setting.

"Hey, Josh." I hear her greet him. She's talking to that kid again? Or is it another Josh? She giggles about something he said. "Yes, I'll be there Wednesday. What time? Wouldn't Saturday make more sense? It's not right to have to rush our time to hang out. Hahaha! I know!" I'm aware that I shouldn't have my ear pressed to her door, eavesdropping on her phone call. "I'm sure I have an older cousin listening in." She knows so I walk away, making it seem as I hadn't been there to begin with. This torments me because I'm certain that she's just going to get hurt.
I pick up my private line and dial a friend's number to vent. "Hello?"
"Joey, it's Chris."
"Hey, man! What's up?"
"Remember how I told you about 'Drya?"
"That she likes this Josh kid and he broke her heart before they even got involved?"
"Yes! I think she's talking to him again."
"How do you know?"
"She's on the phone with a Josh and I guess you could say I'm almost certain that it's that one."
"You eavesdropped on her call?" he asks, knowing me a bit too well.
"Well, I only listened through the door," I sheepishly admit, rubbing the back of my neck as I sit in my beanbag chair near my desk.
"Still eavesdropping, regardless of how you slice it." He had to remind me, make me feel guilty. "I understand that you feel like you need to protect her, but you need to let her grow up, be her own person, make her own mistakes, have her heart broken a few times."
I groan at this. "It kills me to see her hurt, Joey."
"She's almost 14, man. She has to go through it just like we did, it's like a right of passage for most teenagers."
"I know, it kills me to see her in emotional turmoil."
We agree to meet up the next day after work, planning to go clubbing since I turned 21 a few months earlier and I had to back out our previous plans on my birthday because 'Drya and my youngest two sisters had gotten the flu, mom wouldn't admit she needed help but I knew better.

I head downstairs and stop halfway, hearing 'Drya talking to my mom about her weekend plans with some friends. She's going to stay at Justin's with Josh, Britney and Christina. I dou-mom just approved it?! I can't fucking believe it! Mom is letting her go! I know she's a responsible teenager and hasn't done anything to prove that we shouldn't trust her. Mom stipulates that she has to take Molly or Kate, she whines and refuses. "Auntie! I'll call before we go anywhere and when we get back to Justin's, I'll even stay near Josh or Miss Harless! Please!" she argues, following my mom into the family room in the back half of the house.
I hear mom let out a frustrated sigh, signaling Pookie has won this disagreement. "Fine, Cassandrya! You best ensure you call before leaving his mom's house and when you get back, I'll need to speak to Lynn each time you call to ease my nerves. Am I clear?"
"Si, titi! Gracias mucho!" she excitedly shouts, most likely hugging her and kissing her cheek. She runs to the bottom of the steps and spots me. "Eavesdropping again?"
"Is it the same Josh?"
"Yes, we have agreed to just be friends until I'm at least 18 and I explained it to titi." Her arms are folded against her body, major attitude ever present when it comes to me and I know it's due to rebellion aimed at me.
"What happens after that?" I'm nosy as hell, I know.
"What happens will happen."
She begins tearing me a new hole in Spanish, fluent in that and English. Mom hears her and warns her to call her friends, mom will deal with me snooping. I head into the family room, ready to face my second chewing out session. "Christopher, she's 13 and has so much more to experience. She's done soccer and basketball cheering for the past two years, beautifully at all times. She is on vacation and she had showed me her completed homework, earning her the last five days of it spent with friends," mom explains, never once raising her voice from it's soft tone as I follow her to the laundry room to help her with it.
"She told you that she and Josh might hook up in five years?"
"Si, papichulo. She'll be 18 before they attempt a relationship beyond what they have now." She folds a sheet, handing it to me and I put it in the linen closet to my right. "I gave you the same freedom."
"Mom, I only had one good friend."
"Sé que, sé que. Angelo has always been good to you. Speaking of that boy, he called looking for you. He will be flying here Friday and I told him that he can stay with us till he gets on his feet," she rattles off, hoping to say it and I wouldn't catch it immediately.
"Angelo's coming to visit?" I ask, completely shocked. "That's only three days from now! Do we really have the room?"
"The storage room could be organized and turned into one, should just take a day."
I remember that it's the room Pookie and I had fought over when we got here. Molly and Kate share a room and Taylor has one with Emily, the only ones having their own rooms are Pookie and I. That leaves two other rooms-the storage one and the one beside me. "Angelo can take the one next to mine," I offer, reminding her of the other room she had clearly forgotten.
"Si, that's right there's one more empty room. Pero, mijo, a bed is the problem."
I rack my brain on this one. "I can ask around to see if someone knows where to get one cheap."
"You do that. Thank you, Christopher." She kisses my forehead and hands me more sheets and blankets she had folded during our conversation.

I meet up with Joey and explain everything that's going on this weekend, not forgetting to mention the thing Pookie has planned and that my childhood friend is coming here in the same weekend. "Sounds like a busy weekend," he comments as our cab pulls up to the club he had chosen.
I meet up with a hot chick and dance my ass off with her, enjoying my borrowed few hours of freedom.

There's five of us crammed into the living room at Justin's for the next few days and I guess 'Drya had a crazy day today, she's snoring next to me in a sitting position with her head on my shoulder. I catch a glimpse of her diary out of the corner of my eye, growing more curious by the moment and Justin's awake reading a sleeping Christina's, silently. "J, hand me 'Drya's," I request, pointing at the holographic peace sign/flower notebook that has an elastic to keep it shut.
"Why should I?" he whispers his retort.
"I'll tell the girls."
He hands me the small notebook and I open it, the third entry catching my attention at once. 'Mija, I met this boy named Josh. He has brown hair and ocean blues, such a sweet boy. *Sigh* I hope it's just an innocent crush. He came to spend time with us and Chris sent Tay-Tay to interrupt us, needless to inform that he had failed cuz it backfired. Haha! Maybe Josh enjoys my company? Or likes my personality and sense of humor? No clue, but he somehow got me hooked.'
Another one is dated around my birthday almost three years ago, nearly two months after we met. 'He likes me! He told me so! I'm scared to try anything, I'm too young and he most likely has more experience. I'm far from ready to be with anyone.'
Her journal entries are short and sweet, right to the point. One is around her birthday last year, this one catching my curiosity and I copy it into my notebook, letter by letter to have it translated later. Another entry grabs me violently and I read it, it's from just before Christmas this past year. 'I told Alex yes today, he seems rough and tough, yet he's a Teddy bear. December 7 is our day and his friend's little brother's birthday.' Does Chris know? Is Beverly aware? She's either active or in a relationship. 'We shared our first besos today. We had stood in front of the mall and our lips met. He makes me feel alive in a strange way. He's so good to me. Wish us the best of luck in the relationship department!' She took two years to get over the break in her heart I had caused. I sigh, feeling horribly for hurting her so badly. It's near midnight and she has a few more days of vacation, a visit to the mall around ten tomorrow morning to introduce the three of us to her boyfriend. I now know the guy's name, but not what he looks like and I don't like going into anything blind. Every little bit of information helps ease my nerves.
I read a couple more entries and my anxiety level drops again (just a tiny bit). 'Alex came over today, saying happy half-birthday and we've only been together for just over a week. He brought me a Teddy bear and a single multi colored rose, he even MADE a card! He had his friend draw a Scarlet Macaw with an open wing, peeking around it on the front and facing out with both wings open, its bill open. It's beautiful and thoughtful. This just might work out for the better side of things.'
The last one is from a little over a week ago. 'Talked to Alex about Josh, he says he may have run into his cast mates Ryan and Tony and Christina. I'm good friends with them all. I pulled out my old photo album, Alex seeing the pictures I have from when we first moved to Orlando and told him the stories behind each one. His favorite is the one I took of Chris and Josh being shoved in the pool fully clothed the week before Josh's birthday, before he told me he liked me and close to a month before he broke the first piece of mi corazón. Now I must focus on Alex and our beautiful relationship, he has treated me well and spends a lot of time with me when we both have time.' I toss her small notebook back into her bag Justin had been holding open and try to get some sleep.

Of course I'm the last one to wake up, I had fallen asleep last and love to sleep. I'm still sitting up, having sat in a corner when 'Drya had come over to look at the photos I was going through and she was snoring after a few minutes. "Josh, you plan on getting ready soon? I wanna get going, please," she requests politely.
I groan, rolling my head to work out the kinks as best as I can and drag my body off the floor to grab a set of clothes from my bag. I shower and scarf my eggs while she calls her aunt, needing me to talk to her in order to go with us. "Hello?" I greet her, yawning.
"Joshua, are you going with them to the mall?"
"Yes, I'm driving them there."
"She tells me you'll all be meeting Alexander?"
"Who is he, if you don't mind me asking?" 'Drya covers her face with her hands, clearly embarrassed.
"He's her boyfriend. He is so sweet to her and treats her good."
"How long have they been together?"
Hey, I have to try to protect her if she's going to be a friend of mine. "Just over two months."
"Oh, okay. We're going to be heading out in a few minutes."
"Make sure she and Alexander don't do anything wrong."
"I will," I say, seeing the three girls whispering near the door and know immediately who they're discussing. "Anyone else have a phone call to make?"
"I have one more person to call before we head out," 'Drya announces. She dials a number, greeting the caller when they pick up and speaks in pure Spanish. "Ok, meet in the food court in twenty, Alexander. Bye. Te amo." She hangs up, looks at me with a smile and tells me she's ready to go.
The girls take up the whole back seat as they whisper and gossip during the ride, leaving Justin and I to our own devices. We try to decipher what they might be talking about when Britney asks, "Did you two kiss?!"
'Drya just has to quiet Britney and Christina, answering in a hushed voice as we pull into the food court parking lot. I just now realize that she's wearing jeans that appear to have been painted onto her hips, ass and thighs, flaring out barely above her knee, a tight tank top that hardly covers her barely there bumps on her chest and wedge heels. She has lip gloss on and her hair is up in a clip, something she could easily take out to cover hickeys. Shit, it's too late to have her go change into something a little less appealing to every teen boy in the world. Justin licks his lips as he looks at her, comfortably sitting between our two female cast mates and chatting away without realizing that we've parked. "We're here," I inform them.
They jump out of the uncovered back end of the jeep, giggling at Justin for staring at 'Drya. She struts by him, sliding a finger across his chin and coos, "Pictures last longer, Justin."
"Cassandrya," I growl, giving her a warning.
"You're not Christopher!" she bites, her teeth clenched together and fire in her eyes.
"Don't even start, we can leave just as fast as we got here."
"Joshua Scott, you are not a Kirkpatrick; you're a Chasez," she reminds me, hands perched on her voluptuous hips and her face scrunches up in a way Heather's used to when she had an attitude with mom and dad.
"Get your attitude in check or we leave."

I spot a guy around her age walking toward us, dressed like a rebel bad ass in a jean jacket, a black shirt, jeans and sneakers (it reminds me of 'The Outsiders'). I notice the sunglasses and backwards ball cap, not liking him in seconds. He casually walks up behind her, wraps his arms around her and coos, "Hey, baby," in her ear. I feel my blood begin to boil.
"Alex, hey," she greets him, spinning around to press her lips to his for a few seconds and turns back. She points to each of us, saying our names. "This is Josh, Justin, Brit, and Christina. Say hi people, it's Alexander!" She does that flirtatious giggle, resting her head on his shoulder and calms down quickly.

"Te amo, boricua." Why is he calling her that? Is Chris Spanish? Is she? What does it mean?
I may not know what he said, but it made her smile and my anger grows. "Te amo, papi."
I know 'papi' is what Spanish speaking girls call their boyfriend or male lovers. "One question-" I begin to ask, interrupted by Alex.
"She is still innocent."
"We haven't gone beyond this and kissing, he said no skirts."
"How old are you?" I ask, rounding the hood of my jeep as we begin to walk into the mall.
"I'm 15. I act, sing and dance. I go to the high school."
Not too much older than her. I see this semi muscular tall blonde kid in a jersey and swim trunks with shades on and a smaller version of him standing by the entrance, noting the other Spanish guy in jeans and an olive green shirt and see they all have sneakers on. She runs off to hug the other three people, saying hi to them. "Nick, hey! AC, sup, lil dude?" she greets, hugging the taller blonde and doing a high five handshake with the smaller one. She puts her arms around the Spanish guy's neck, kisses each cheek and says, "Como estas, Howie?"
"Bien, y tú, mija?"
"Hanging in there, passing everything. Gotta make it work for me."
"Yeah, that you do, boricua." He smiles at her like a little sister. I might be able to get along with this one, the two white boys look younger than her. The smallest looks like he's about the size of a first grader and the other looks no older than 11.
I fall into step with the ones she called Nick and Howie, the AC kid keeping pace with her and Alex while the two of them hold hands, walking in the direction of the Toys R Us. "What does boricua mean? And mija? And papi? Is she Spanish? Is he Spanish? I'm lost here," I prattle off.
I notice Britney, Christina and Justin are up with her, laughing and talking like nothing new happened. "She is Puerto Rican and has distant relatives that are from Mexico and Spain and Uruguay, but has learned the Puerto Rican dialect of Spanish growing up. He's Cuban and has picked up three dialects of Spanish-Cuban, Puerto Rican and Spain Spanish. Boricua means Puerto Rican; papi means baby when she addresses him or boy or man if she's talking to you or I; mija means girl."
"Are you Spanish?"
He laughs at my honest question, answering after his quick chuckle. "I'm Puerto Rican and Irish."
"I'm Josh, some people call me JC," I introduce myself properly, offering my hand to him.
"I'm Howie, some people call me D," he says, taking hold of my hand with his and shaking it.
"Who's the shrimp?" I question, nodding at the small fry walking with 'Drya.
"That's my little brother, Aaron. My name's Nick." The tall blonde informs me, offering his hand.
I take hold and shake it. "Nice to be properly introduced," I reply with a smirk.
"Who are the three walking with her and AJ?" Nick asks.
"The platinum blonde girl is Christina, the dirty blonde girl is Britney and the curly top is Justin."
"Why does she seem so tense and rebellious toward you and Chris, but nobody else?"
"I think it's because of the falling out she and I had, we just recently began talking and hanging out again after a couple years," I explain.
"She will get even for what you did to upset her so much," Nick points out the obvious.
"I'm aware, I just wonder when."
"Cassandrya!" Howie scolds her.
"Pero, pero, pero," she pouts.
"No, mija," he enforces.
"Hooooowwwwiiiiieeeeeee," she whines, giving the puppy dog eyes and kind of bouncing where she stands in front of the video games.
I start to reach for my wallet, willing to get it for her because it's fairly cheap. "Don't get it for her. Chris always sends her with fifty bucks," he informs me.
I smile, too familiar with this game as hers fades away once she realizes I know what she's up to. "Boca grande," she mutters.
"She pulled this 'I don't have money' thing for three months before Nick caught her when she dropped her small bag."
I notice she's wearing a small black leather bag decorated with peace signs, smiley faces and various names in different colors on her back. "Does she keep her diary in there?"
"I'm not sure, but I do know she refers to it as her bag of secrets or bolsa de secretos."
"Howard!" she growls at him, upset he told me.
"Cassandrya," he fires back, glare included.
Wow, he's good at getting her to quit. I could stand to take some lessons from Howie. "Are you the oldest or something? You have the tone and the glare down."
"I'm the youngest, but I've seen my brother and sisters get in trouble enough to know."

"I'm going to Alex's for a bit, I will call my aunt when I get there and his mom will drop me off or he'll walk me home," she tells me, a few hours later after sharing lunch with all of us.
"Or you can call Justin's and I'll pick you up."
She sneers and rolls her eyes. "Or not and do it my way."
"Casandrya Jaylyn!" Howie scolds her before I could react.
"We should get going, mami," Alex tells her, drumming his fingers on her hip. He's currently standing behind her, his hands on her hips and his face next to hers.
"Sé que. See you later," she says, quickly embracing us and pressing a kiss to a cheek for each of us.
"Call me when you get there."
"I'll call Justin's, dad," she retorts.

Howie, Nick and Aaron accompany them outside and jump into a black Pontiac Grand Prix. It looks like a boat. I watch Howie wave to me, trying to reassure me that she will be back safely and she tosses her head back, laughing I assume.

"Are we heading home, well, to Justin's?" Britney asks.
"Yeah, load up," I sigh. Almost the whole way home I don't say a word, too many thoughts racing through my mind and too many emotions flowing through me to think or feel straight. I'm confused about why she's changed so much, I know it's part of being a teenager. I'm worried she might do something that can hurt her. I'm scared something will happen to her. "Any one of you catch Nick, Howie and Aaron's ages?" I ask, glancing in my rearview at the girls and beside me at Justin.
Christina grins, bobbing her head to confirm she had. "Nick just turned 13, Aaron will be six at the end of the year and Howie will be 20 a couple weeks after you turn 17," she informs me, resting her forearms on each seat up front and leaning forward.
"Howie wouldn't touch her," I conclude.
"She won't touch Nick, at least I don't think she would," Britney tells us.
"She most likely won't. I'm just over 18 months younger and she won't even consider it," Justin complains.
"Nick's..." Christina says, calculating the difference between 'Drya's birthday and Nick's.
"7 1/2 months younger, so he stands a fighting chance of possibly getting with her," Britney finishes.
"What?! How much younger can a guy be to stand a minute chance?" I demand.
"He can be up to 9 months younger or 5 years older," Christina says, a smile creeping from one corner of her mouth to the other.
"Is this kid her first boyfriend?"
"Yeah, they seem pretty serious."

The rest of the time between the mall and arriving at Justin's, I keep replaying lunch in my mind. She sat comfortably in front of AJ at the end of the table in a chair and talked like she normally would, laughing and just so casual about it all. She and AJ had kissed here and snuggled there, having close to no shame about their relationship or PDA in the middle of Pizza Hut. It makes me wonder what they do when they're alone, even pondering the possibilities scares the shit out of me and it's all because I'm not there to protect her.

We got to my place and I take her into my room, just like I've done a thousand times before and we make out. Her laying back on my bed, my topless body nestled between her legs and we grind back and forth, but nothing ever happens because I put a stop to it before the situation gets too out of hand. I don't want her to feel pressured to do it, it is one thing neither of us have done and I plan on keeping it that way for awhile.
I met her in December of 91, hung out with her from January of 92 and have now been committed to her exclusively since Aaron's birthday… Other than Stephanie, but that chick is crazy and on her way out the door.
I begin feeling guilty and drop my head onto her chest like I've done every time before, sighing out of frustration. "Qué pasa?"
"I can't do this to you, push you to want it and you being so young. I feel guilty, almost evil."
"Alex, I'm no better."
She's a total 180 from Stephanie-younger by almost 7 months, honest, works hard, faithful and just as crazy about me as I am about her. She starts at the same high school as I attend in the fall, dedicated to graduating high school with a 3.0 GPA at the least. Almost too good to be true, that's exactly what she seems. She's overprotected, loved and highly intelligent beyond her years sometimes. She's fucking sexy as hell.
"I love you, 'Drya," I tell her, my eyes meeting with hers as I caress the side of her face and gently smile.
"I love you too." She pulls me by the shirt to her, wanting to share a kiss like we never have before.

After a little while, I lay back and she curls her toned frame to my side, a perfect fit. "Alex?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think we can last?" she asks, innocent curiosity flickering in her eyes as her honey ones meet my browns.
"What do you mean?" I need to be sure of what she's asking.
"Do you think we're gonna be together for a long time?"
"I take it a day at a time."
She smiles softly and relaxes, it must have been enough to please her. A specific rhythm is rapped on my door, Nick or Howie signaling that my mom is pulling up to the house and it means that we can't be in here when she comes in the front door. "Mom's pulling in." She stands up to stretch and heads out of the room. "Mami, you called Justin's?"
"Yeah, I did when we first got in the door, babe." She gives me the smile that reminds me why I'm even with her, not counting everything I already told you.

I've been talking to Kevin, Howie, Howie's brother, Howie's sisters, Nick's siblings and some of our parents. They say that I have to be careful of how hard I fall, even more so since we've started a band and Kevin's cousin, Brian will be here later today. Tomorrow, the five of us meet up with Lou and Johnny to record our demo, have it shipped to the big heads of the record company he works with. I'm scared, nervous, excited and need her to keep me cool, calm, distracted for now. Just as we go in the kitchen for drinks, mom walks in the door to see me standing behind 'Drya in the fridge and without missing a beat she greets mom. "Hello, Mrs. McLean. Would you like a glass of juice or help with dinner?"
"A glass of milk, Cassandrya. Thank you. How are you, sweetie? Howie? I need to talk to you," mom prattles off.
"Mom, I met her friends today."
"Cassandrya's?" I nod. "What do you think?"
"That Justin kid and the girls are cool, but Josh talked to Howie the entire time and acts kind of like an older brother or dad to her. I don't care much for him being around."
"Sounds like you might play Cupid for Nickolas."
She's never called any of my friends (or girlfriends, for that matter) by a nickname, at least until she can up with a fitting one that she likes (mija, mijo and things like that don't count-sweetie, hon, kiddo, etc; she calls every one of my friends and I those). "Maybe, Christina might click with him, but I dunno."
"Pero, papi, Britney may work better with him; she's a nice girl and they'd work well together, compromise more," 'Drya informs me. "Nick needs a nice, sweet, well-mannered southern girl to please his parents."
Of course she'd think of that, always thinking of everyone involved. "Maybe I should let mi amor be Cupid," I chuckle, kissing the side of her neck as mom heads to the living room to talk with Howie.
"Pardón, Alex." She wriggles her hips, twisting out of my embrace to pour five cups of juice and one of milk for everyone. Just as fast she got out of my grasp, she puts it all away and hugs me from behind. "What's on your mind?"
"You're always trying to make everyone happy, but never worry about your own happiness," I observe, my hands covering hers on my abdomen.
"You hold my heart and help to define part of my happiness," she tells me, kissing down my naked back.
I half smile as she grabs a pizza pan, using it as a serving tray to bring all the drinks to the living room in one trip. I begin walking in the direction she will be in a moment, the only thing that stops me is her fingers slipping through my belt loop and pulling me to her body. "You think you're going where?" she inquires, playful smirk on her lips and I press my mouth to hers as I move her hands around my waist to hold her in my arms again, her head falling to my chest once our lips part.
"Boricua!" Howie calls for her, blending in with Nick calling her name and Aaron running up to us.
"Coming!" she yells in response, looking at Aaron try to stop in his socked feet and slide, bumping into us accidentally.
"I'm sorry," he quickly apologizes.
"No biggie, lil dude," I respond, letting her go and helping him up.
"It's okay, AC." She gives him a warm smile, he shoots a cute kid smile and runs back screaming to give us a minute, she and I were talking. She must have fired a quick wink at him, buying us a minute or two while I looked at him.
"You winked at the kid, didn't you?"
She playfully rolls her eyes, shrugs with a smirk and grabs the 'drink tray', quickly and sensually strutting into the other room. I follow her in to see her placing the tray on the coffee table, putting cups in front of everyone while leaving it in the center and Howie and mom asking her about Josh, Justin, Brit, and Christina. The subject expands into today's events, the friendships she shares with them and how she met each of them, how they all connect to one another. She offers up that the girls knew about dating me from day one, never leaking a word to Josh until yesterday when she purposely left her journal out and leaving her deep diary back home in the lockbox she got two years ago. She planned it out and knew he'd read it, paranoid about her having freedom like she does. We will burst his bubble when he discovers that Bev approved of me prior to my asking her out, having played 5 million questions one weekend she spent at Nick's house. She had a blast, came back darker than when she left and happily exhausted.

Awhile later she's getting ready to head to Justin's, on the phone with Christina and laughing about their friend Josh. They're teasing him mercilessly, no remorse. "He did NOT act that way when you got back to Curly's!"

They tease some more before Howie puts a hand out, fingers signaling her to hand the phone to him and wanting to talk to Josh to 'calm his overprotective ass', as he had said it. She requests to have him put on, greets him and informs him that Howie wants to talk to him, calling him a 'puta'. Howie glares at her for her muttered word, she gives him a 'fuck you' look and sits by me, cuddling to me. "Annoyed by your keeper?" I joke.
"You mean our keeper," she instantly corrects, pointing to Nick, Aaron, herself and I with her finger pointed up and twisting in the air.
Aaron laughs at something on the TV, Nick nearly chokes on his Twinkie, I chuckle and she is given odd looks by mom and Howie. He's already hung up the phone and was talking to my mom, coming into the room with Nick bright red in the face. "I have to make ensure you're safely at Justin's by 10:30 as per order of Josh, Lynn and Paul. AJ, Denise said you could come if you want and we have to be back here within an hour."
"Thanks, mom! I love you!" I yell out.
"Bueno noche!"
"Night, ma!"
"Good night, Mrs. McLean! Thank you for your hospitality!"

The whole way to her friend's house, we cuddle in the backseat and share some kisses. Aaron passed out in my room about two hours ago, so she and I laid on the couch to cuddle. Of course she enjoys being pinned on her side between the couch and I, kissing every now and again and I catch Nick eyeing her as if he envies me. I'll ask him when I get back home. We pull up and Josh is there on the front stoop waiting for her to return, 15 minutes early even. He looks livid, beyond that and he stands as we pull in. I exit the vehicle and help her out, embrace her warmly. He checks her arms, neck and naked strip of midriff for any markings, silently accusing me of harming her and stares me down. "Cassandrya Jaylyn!" a familiar voice scolds her, her middle digit rising on her lifted hand which is perpendicular to her body. The word 'perpendicular' is used in English class and two of my math classes, so you can shove it if you think I just pulled it out of my ass for shits and giggles.
"Cassandrya Jaylyn Kirkpatrick!"
"Screw a knot, Chris," she loudly says, full rebellion rearing its nasty head.
"Come on, 'Drya," I plead with her, "if he and Howie didn't happen to go to college together and he bring you here, we wouldn't be." Sometimes she needs to be reminded of things like this.
"Grrr! Yeah, Christopher?" she replies, hands on hips and turns to face him and Josh.
"Mom said you went to AJ's, no warning you were and I want to know why," he demands, almost barking at her.
Howie steps forward and explains that it was his idea when he saw how upset and concerned Josh had become about 'Drya, too worried to think straight, promising nothing happened to her. He gives me a weary look, warning me. "Alright, but only the holding, kissing and cuddling happened?"
"Absolutely nothing more," Howie vows.
"I suppose I'm okay with it now that I'm certain Howie kept an eye on you."

Lynn comes outside to find out why Chris had yelled, quickly spotting Alex leaning on Howie's beater and my body pressed against his as we share our last few kisses. "Cassie, why don't you take…"
"Alex," he supplies.
"Inside for a few minutes while the boys and I talk?" Lynn suggests.
"C'mon, Alex," I say, pulling him along behind me and grinning like a fool. Once we cross the threshold to the living room, Britney sees my foolish grin and giggles. "I'm home, kids," I playfully say.
"You kissed! You went to his house! Ohmigosh!" Britney squeals, jumping up from her spot on the floor to point at us and bouncing on her heels. "You did! 'Drya!"
I giggle at her enthusiasm. "No, I did it all with Jordan Knight from NKOTB," I retort.

I tell her how little we had done, omitting the make out session and emphasizing the cuddle session on his mom's couch. "You're crazy, you know Justin's gonna tell JC every word you tell us now later on or tomorrow," Christina informs me, legs bent and leaning back on her hands.
I shrug. "Don't care, nothing bad went down, so it's whatever." I glance at Alex, sharing a short but sweet kiss with him. "Let him blab."

Sure enough after Josh had sat beside Justin on the other couch and Alex and I had begun walking to see what was taking Howie, Chris and Lynn so long outside, Justin had started to tell Josh every word I had spoken, most likely pouring out the fact that I had kissed my boyfriend on Lynn's couch and of course it was all in whispers. Lynn is finding out that Alex asked for permission to ask me out and to go steady with me, having to talked to not only Bev, but Chris and my mom. "So any problems Josh may have with AJ, they can be squashed instantly," Howie confirms.
"If he has a problem, he can take it up with me," Chris adds.
"Or me, one on one," Alex adds. "Maño a maño." They all look at him and he shrugs.
"Would you boys like to spend the night?" Lynn offers her couches and recliner to Chris, Howie and Alex.
Alex and I have never spent a night in such close quarters; same house, but not just a couple rooms away. "I think it's far too late for any of you to drive anywhere," she says, looking at the watch on her left wrist.
"Denise is expecting AJ and I back in 15 minutes," Howie says, checking his watch as well.
"I'll convince her otherwise, then," Lynn says in a matter of fact tone, leaving no room for them to argue.
"If you must insist, Mrs. Harless," Alex concludes. "Mom will understand."
"Aren't you supposed to keep an eye on Nick and Aaron?" I ask Alex and Howie.
"I'll go get them, I just need the address," Chris tells us.
"Doesn't Kevin have to come down this way?" Alex questions Howie.
"Yeah, he does! He leaves his house in ten minutes! He can grab them." Howie turns to Lynn. "May I use your phone?"
"Go right on ahead," she says, motioning to the door.

Howie goes in and speaks to Kevin on the phone, requesting the older male grab the two blondies from Alex's house and inform Denise that Alex and Howie will be 'spending the night at Kevin's house'. Okay, so it's a half lie, they'll be here at Lynn's overnight with me. "Thanks, man. Just drop off where we are," he says, Lynn pointing to the ground as he thanks Kevin. "We can discuss that tomorrow when we meet with Johnny and Lou. It's 'Drya's friend's house, the kid's mom insists we crash here. Uh, I'll discuss that with you when you arrive with those two. See you in awhile. Thanks again."
He hangs up and faces us as we come inside, Lynn having made her final decision about having them stay. Once Lynn makes up her mind, there's no changing it and Justin's the same way. "I want 'Drya to come with us tomorrow," Alex announces.
Chris gives him a crazy look, wondering if he's thinking straight. "Are you sure about that?" he asks slowly.
"She hasn't been a problem yet, she's actually helped us out by letting us know who missed a step or just being someone to confide in, someone talk to," Howie justifies. "She helps Nick focus as well, being the youngest and all and AJ does it all right the first time around, quick to get home or anywhere but the studio or rehearsals."
"She might help Brian feel a little more at ease when we all meet him in the morning and get going," Alex proposes.

Chris waits for Alex to be half asleep before pulling me into the backyard, nearing quarter past one in the morning, needing to talk with me. "I'll let you share the couch with him with a few conditions attached."
"Enlighten me," I calmly request, hands perched on hips as I hear the strings.
"No inappropriate sounds are to emanate from there, no spooning-he can't cuddle you from behind, and you need to both remain fully clothed. Am I clear?"
"Crystal." I walk back inside, Chris close behind, head for Alex and find Howie not in the house. "Donde esta Howie?"
"Maybe talking to Kevin," Alex replies, ready to give into sleep while refusing to lie down and Nick walks in with a sleeping Aaron, his head on Nick's shoulder.
"Where can I put him down?" an extremely exhausted Nick asks.
"On the bottom of the couch Alex is on, he and I are going to cuddle together on it tonight," I tell him, pointing at the far end of it. It's a long couch, Josh doesn't even take up the entire length and he's almost 6 feet tall.
"Thanks," he responds, putting his brother down and collapsing in the recliner, getting comfortable quickly before completely crashing.
Howie comes inside awhile later, I'm hardly awake then and hear Chris filling him in on the agreement and stipulations for the night in the hallway. "Chris, this is how they lay together every time they cuddle," he informs Chris, seeing my body squeezed between Alex and the back of the couch with my head on his bare chest, his arm wrapped around my body to hold me close.
"I said 'fully clothed'," Chris growls.
"AJ usually sleeps without a shirt, the only exceptions are complete exhaustion or he's so relaxed that he drifts off to sleep and neither of them happen very often."
"She usually stays fully clothed, though, right?"

I'm sitting on the coffee table, watching 'Drya and Alex sleep while everyone else is in the yard playing and hanging out. They're the only ones still asleep at 8:45. I take a huge gulp of OJ and put the nearly empty cup on the table, standing up. I place one hand on the back of the couch, leaning over them and poke her. She bats at my hand, saying something in Spanish and keeping her eyes closed, but her brows furrow. "Cassandrya," I softly call out and her eyes fly open, quickly cursing me out.
She looks around and realizes we're at Justin's house. "What?" she tiredly says.
"It's almost 9am, when is their thing today?"
"Uhhhhh, Alex said something like 10:30."
"Quarter past ten," Alex mutters, half asleep and joining us in the waking world, yawns included from both of them. "We should get up and shower, get ready to go. Howie's going to want to head out around 9:30," he explains, stretching. "We cuddled all night? Is Chris going to kill me?" he asks, worried he did something wrong or offensive.
"I'm the guy that gave stipulations along with my approval. Nothing happened, there's no reason to be angry at you," Chris announces from just outside the living room doorway in the hall, scaring the shit out of me and annoying 'Drya at the same time. Alex tilted his head back to look at him, she hadn't even sat up yet.

She straddles his lap to get off the couch and heads for the bathroom, he quickly rolls onto his stomach to watch her walk away. "Chris, I don't see myself letting her go any time soon," he confesses, a lovesick look taking over his visage and I groan.
"Shut up, you're the same way with that Nikki girl."
"I didn't begin saying that I want to be with her for a long time until recently, not two months in!" I argue.
"She's felt this way for a long time about him, I've overheard the conversations she's had with Britney and Christina in our yard and on the phone. Doesn't help it's written all over her face, but at least you had enough balls to come ask our moms and I if you could have permission to even date her," Chris reminds him and my jaw drops, this being my first time hearing about it.
I squeak in surprise and they both look at me odd. "She never told you I spent a whole weekend answering every possible question her aunt could ponder up, being as honest and thorough as I could be?" Alex inquires.
"Not a single word," I admit.
Chris raises a hand into the air. "That's my fault, I never told her the truth about why you were there. I told her you had stopped by to talk to me about a girl and to get some advice."
"Why not just tell her, no, never mind," Alex says, shaking his head.
"Tell who what?" the subject of our conversation walks in, drying her damp hair with a towel and in a new change of clothes.
"Tell you that I love you because I haven't yet today," he smiles, pulling her into his warm embrace and pressing his lips to hers.
"Chris lied about why-" Chris flicks my ear and Alex shoots me a nasty glare over her head, smiling down at her moments later. I rub my ear and glare at Chris.
"He doesn't know what he's talking about," he convinces her, referring to me not knowing why Alex had been at Chris' that weekend before he had asked her out.
"Can I ask how long she had made you wait for an answer?"
"A couple days."

I witness them talk between each other, just loud enough for the other to hear and if I were him, I'd count myself lucky to not only be with her, but also for her having a friend that wears clothes I like that fit me just right. Justin's letting him borrow a set of windbreakers and a guys' tank, socks to boot. They're waiting for Howie to make sure everything is still set to happen and to calm each other's nerves. It's so sweet, I might be getting a cavity and it's making me sick to my stomach. What does she see in him? Why does Chris tolerate him? Someone please explain this to me! Wait, why do I care? I'm with Nikki.

'Drya is going to spend the day with her boyfriend and I'm starting to think I should do the same with Nikki, distance myself from 'Drya before I do something I'd expect Justin to do, regretting it in the end. I'm wearing blue windbreakers and a white t-shirt with my black sneakers. I spot Lynn as I realize I've been sitting in the recliner as if I had a problem or I'm angry, quickly getting up. "Lynn, could I use the phone to call Nikki?"
"Of course, Josh," she says with a smile.
I call her and we plan to meet up around 11 at my parents', it being between her place and Justin's. Fifteen minutes before they leave, I count down. I prepare to leave as they finish getting ready to jet, for my taste of personal freedom. "JC!" Christina yells at me.
"Huh? What?" I startle, being jostled out of my thoughts.
"What are your plans today?"
"Hanging out with Nikki away from you," I retort.
She sticks her tongue out at me and I quickly return the gesture. "Talk about mature," 'Drya teases, leaving right after.
The whole drive to meet Nikki, I rack my brain as to why her and Alex being together bothers me as much as it does and all I can think of is that I want to be the one to kiss her, hold her, make her laugh, be the reason for her to smile each day, all in all that should be me.

Nikki walks up to the Jeep and greets me with a longed for kiss. "I've missed you, baby," she tells me.
"You've been on my mind," I tell her, sort of lying.
"You want to go to the mall?"
"Sure." It's the opposite direction of where she had been headed today, of course I'll hit the mall!

What can I do here? Pretty much a whole lotta nuthin', nuthin' fun. Alex is in the recording booth and I have Nick on one side of me and this new guy that Kevin says he's related to, Brian, on my other side. I'm almost sure he said they're cousins somehow. I turn to my right, sliding my leg onto the couch till I'm sideways and face Brian. "What do you do for fun?"
"Um, play sports, basketball more than anything. What about you?" he responds nervously, his hands twitching in his lap and fiddling with the hem on his shirt. Give the guy a break, he's here less than 24 hours and forced to be around 4 people he doesn't know to sing and dance with three of them and put up with me.
I don't exactly have relaxed clothes on-form fitting bell bottoms and a backless tank top with sandals on my 5'5", 125 pound frame. "Basketball, jet-skiing, rollerblading, cheer squad, soccer and hanging with my friends." I give him the reassuring Kirkpatrick grin, the one that declares peace and that I don't bite. Hahaha! Sense of humor required when you know any of us Kirkpatricks.
"So you're AJ's girlfriend?"
"Yeah, he's a good guy inside and looks tough. He'd help you out of a jam, trust me," I assure him of Alex's heart of gold.
"How do I gain that?"
"Just be his friend, become mine, just the usual." I playfully wink at him as Alex comes out, eliciting a chuckle from him.
"Brian, you're cool in my book as long as you don't screw me over. I've known these two," he explains, indicating Howie and Nick, "since I was 11 or 12, a couple years now. I met 'Drya through Nick and Howie, I'd say five or six months after."
"How did you meet?"
"Chris and Howie go to college together and Nick was with Howie when her and Chris ran into them at the mall. Nick couldn't shut up about her and I demanded to meet her."
I smile and giggle. "Of course within a week of meeting Howie and Nick, I was dragged to meet Alex and I tripped and tumbled into love. Chris arranged it all."
"With my help," Howie adds, giving himself the credit you could claim he deserves.
I jokingly roll my eyes and a smirk stretches over my lips. "Yeah, yeah, Dorough!" Brian laughs. "Aha! He laughs!" I tease, pointing at Brian's blushing face. He has beautiful strawberry blonde locks, gorgeous blues and lightly tanned skin. His smile? Handsome. He's very shy, but you could say we've been slowly forcing him out of his hermit shell.

A few hours, a couple meals, an audio demo and a video demo later, they're told that they just have to figure out what to call themselves and have a week to do so. "Where do you want to go, 'Drya?" Kevin asks me only because I'm the only girl.
"Why not the Backstreet Market?" It dawns on me. "The four of you are almost always there, why not call yourselves something to that effect?" I suggest, trying to be as casual as possible about it.
"We should have Brian check it out first and see if he likes the fit for it first," Howie observes, getting affirmative nods from the other four members.

We get there and they start throwing names around half an hour into the visit there. They've gone through Backstreet Guys, Backstreet Dudes, New Kids On The Backstreet and the only thing I can think of is- "What about Backstreet Boys?" Brian throws out there.
"Either you're telepathic or you just so happen to be on my wavelength," I laugh.
"I like that, it sounds right," Howie thinks out loud.
"At least it'll be easy to recall where we started," Alex jokes.
"Yeah, like I could forget," Nick retorts.
"Three of you are under 21, therefor 'boys'," Kevin justifies.
"It just came to me," he says with a shrug.
"Yup, he's telepathic," I tease. "Stay outta my brain!" I hold my head between my hands and act like I'm being invaded mentally. The six of us share a quick fit of giggles, Howie calling Johnny and Lou after to confirm their group name. Once he disconnects the call, I hurriedly realize that we've been standing in a circle and I put Alex's hand in the middle. "Hands in the middle for the first ever Backstreet Boys chant," I declare.
They look at one another, shrugging and do it anyway. "Backstreet's alive!" they calmly say.
"Go, Backstreet Boys!" I call out at the same time.
Nick, Brian and Kevin all give me a strange glance, Alex recognizes it immediately. "Yes, she's on the middle school cheer squad here in Orlando," he confirms, pulling me closer to him by lightly tugging on my side belt loop with one hand and taking a step forward to meet me partway.

I let out a surprised squeak, blushing right after while trying to cover my face. "Look! She blushes!" Brian teases me.
"Whatever!" I loudly say, pushing his hand down with a grin. "All I know is I better be there for every one of your firsts-first performance, first recording session, first music video, first number #1, first album in any and all countries, first tour, first interview, first live everything, first award show, every public first," I demand.
"First recording session was today, first day as the Backstreet Boys and first full day with Brian here," Howie informs me.
"You're expecting the moon and stars of us," Kevin observes.
"Somebody has to do that and have massive amounts of faith in your upcoming success, I'm perfect for that position!" I remind them, dropping my arms on Alex and Nick's shoulders as I lean back.
"She has enough pep in her step, no doubt about that," Nick kids.

Two more days of vacation and then it's back to the prison most people call school, a place where I excel because I want to finish on time only for the simple reason that I want my freedom for a couple years before furthering my education at Rollins College like Chris. He's a Psych major, I'd be a History major and minor in middle and high school education. I've told Alex, Chris and Howie and they say do it, just make sure it's what I absolutely want out of life. I might go to a vocational high school, seeing as Alex is seriously considering dropping out of high school to pursue this possible profession. The only thing I can do is stand behind Alex's decisions, standing by as moral support and a helping hand to pick himself up off the ground.

A few days have passed and I'm chilling with Nick and Alex in Tampa, being pestered by Aaron until a few minutes ago. "What if you guys had to go to like Canada to get your big jump start?" I ask, scared and wanting to know Alex's honest response.
"I'd call, write and visit as much I can get away with," he tells me, kissing my forehead as we lay on a blanket and discuss the possible scenarios if they do get the deal. I'm scared I'll lose Alex to some ditz halfway around the world.
Nick leans on his side, an arm used to prop himself up on the other side of Alex and gives me a cool grin, looking behind me. I turn around and the two of us get a smirk from Aaron and a bucket of bone chilling water flung at us, prompting a shriek to pass over my vocal cords. Nick and Aaron laugh like a couple hyenas as I jump up and chase after the 6 year old brat. I grab hold of his A shirt with the tips of my fingers and pull him to my body, lifting him as I strut to the pool rapidly. He fights tooth and nail, his escape failing as I throw him in the pool that just got water added to it a little bit ago. He surfaces and climbs out of the cold water, yelling for his sister BJ. I'm too busy laughing to care she's being summoned by the baby of the Carter clan. I hear Alex talk her down as my laughter dies down, Nick confirming everything until he gets slugged. I'm on my knees, holding my abdomen with tears streaking my cheeks from laughing so hard. Today has been a good day, only one thing could make this day better-if they get this deal.

I'm spending the weekend at her aunt's house and have to crash in the extra room, the other end of the house next to Chris' room. I've gotten in good with him and his childhood friend, Angelo who's been there for nearly a month now.
Stipulations? No long kisses or anything inappropriate, young girls are watching and she has to set an example. If we want to leave, we have to tell Bev or Chris exactly where we'll be going and around what time we plan on getting back. We have to leave the door open if we want to be alone so they can peek in to make sure we're not doing anything 'inappropriate'. We can be home alone together, they've dubbed us responsible enough for that. We have the house to ourselves this Saturday, tomorrow. A grin slides across my lips, lighting up my face and I wouldn't doubt that my eyes are shining. I'm sitting outside her school, trying to patiently waiting for her to come out. I skipped last period, free period-I was there long enough for roll call and then 'went to the bathroom', taking my bag with me to casually stroll out the doors. I've been sitting on the edge of the outer steps against the railings facing the doors for close to half an hour now, ten or fifteen minutes and she's out for the weekend. She has a cheer squad meet for a game around 6:30 tonight. She's captain of the squad and has to announce her replacement for next school year by April vacation, she has three candidates left out of the whole squad and they have seniority, performing the routines nearly flawlessly including practice meets. Practice meets usually run from 2-4 after school, but there isn't one today since there's a game tonight and that works out to my benefit. The final bell rings and I stand up, aware that I could get bulled over by middle schoolers who are just excited for the weekend as I am. A flood of kids come out the door and she straggles behind, the last one out the door as she puts her history text in her shoulder bag. She's wearing flared jeans that are a little big, Chris' football jersey from a few years ago, her usual Reeboks and has her hair up, bangs swept to the right. Her bangs are hanging down over her face as she looks up, her right eye covered by them and smiles the moment our eyes meet. "Alex! You made it!" she shouts, taking the last few steps quickly to hug and kiss me. She happy to see me, to say the least.
"Yup, skipped free period after roll call."
She scowls at me and lightly smacks my chest, upset for skipping school. "A good education is important," she scolds me.
"A better girlfriend and real life experience is more important," I argue. It's my belief that a real down to earth girl means more than the flaky ones because the good ones aren't just hard to find, but harder to keep happy and she's a down to earth kind of girl. She values education, knowledge, honesty, perseverance, integrity, self respect, trust and intelligence.
"Alex, you know I believe that you'll soon be known for more than just your small roles and solo performances in competitions at small things or carnivals, but until then you've got to try to get through life." Always believed in me and the guys being discovered and that we will be huge, sealing it with a kiss each time.
We've been leaning on each other long enough against the railing to have a small audience behind us on the sidewalk below and you could say that we were more wrapped up in our moment that we could be considered oblivious, some kid yelling 'kiss her', essentially starting a chant pulled us back to reality. "It's people like you that ruin special moments like this," I retort, putting a middle finger up behind me and promising to make tomorrow night special for her.
"Let's get my house," she tells me, patting my chest with a smile.
"Do we have to pick up Tay?"
"Yeah, we do. It's on the way, vamos."
I follow her down the steps, heading to her cousin's daycare center and not saying many words with our fingers intertwined. We like talking all the time and it's getting close to her favorite Irish holiday, making me think of what I could get her. I love getting things for her, she's a Beanie Baby fanatic, loves No Doubt and Nirvana, admits Lenny Kravitz is a guilty pleasure. She loves Greek Mythology and Egyptian history, enjoys Shakespeare's writings and A.A. Milne's stories. She's an avid reader, willing to read anything that catches her eye and sparks her interest. She loves thriller, suspense and horror books and movies. If it gets her to think or can scare her, she returns to it again and again. Her absolute favorite musicals are 'Phantom Of The Opera' and 'West Side Story', discounting 'Grease' because we both love that one and have watched it a few times together. She's read so many things, my head begins spinning when she talks about them because she fires off so much information at such a rapid pace that I can't absorb it all. "What do you usually eat on St. Patrick's Day?"
She giggles, finding it a silly question. "Corn beef and cabbage. Auntie usually puts two or three briskets of corn beef in, a big bag of peeled and cut up potatoes, two bags of peeled and quartered carrots, three heads of cabbage and some seasonings in the huge pots, broiling it all and adding the things one at a time. It comes out really good."
See what I mean? That was more info than most people give out at one time, it's worse when she talks about what she's reading and much worse when it involves Shakespeare. "So what's your aunt making tonight?"
"She's not cooking, I am. I cook dinner during the week cuz she and Chris work past 6, making it too late for either of them to make dinner. She usually makes dinner Sunday and Chris is Saturday. This weekend is different, auntie and the girls are going over a friend's on Saturday and Chris and Angelo are hanging with Joey for the weekend. That just leaves you and I."
"Do you need help? I can keep the girls occupied or something," I offer.
"I dunno." She leads me up a driveway, lets herself in and greets one of the kids I don't recognize. "Could you let Ms. Brennan know I'm here to get Taylor D.?"
"Her last name isn't Kirkpatrick?"
"No, it's Davey. She remarried and he left while she was pregnant with Tay, having gone back to Kirkpatrick in case she ever needed or wanted to take me for an indefinite period of time so that it'd be easier to show guardianship of me."
"I guess it makes sense, Kirky."
"Yay! 'Drya came!" Tay yells, almost ready to hike the few blocks home.
A woman about thirty follows her, papers in hand and I'm clueless on what to do. She looks up and smiles at me, offering her hand. I swiftly take it, shake it and smile with a nod. "I'm Ms. Brennan, you must be 'Drya's boyfriend, Alex."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Are there any papers that may need looking over by my aunt?" 'Drya requests.
"Yes, we need these field trip slips signed, these dental exam slips filled out and it's almost time for her second renewal for the year."
"Twice a year?"
"To ensure she gets her medical screenings and nothing else has changed."
"Ok, I'll make sure she gets them," she replies, putting them in the outer pocket of her bag. "Ready to go, Tay?" she asks the toddler, smiling softly at her and offering her hand so that the smaller girl can place hers inside.
"Can zip me?" Tay asks.
'Drya scrunches up her face and shakes her head, waving at the idea. "No need, it's very warm out." She offers her hand again and Tay slips her hand into it, 'Drya slipping her free hand into mine as we head to her house.

Once we get home, she gets Tay down for her usual nap and I glance at the clock to confirm my suspicion of that's when she calls me when I'm at home to find I'm right. We sit on the front steps, 'Drya with a baby monitor attached to her hip and talk while we wait for her other three cousins to get home. Two are second and fifth grade, attending the elementary school and Molly attends high school with me. Molly has after school practice, basketball, I think. 'Drya is the only one to pick up and drop off Tay, usually being the first one home unless she has cheer practice. On days she has cheer practice, she gets Tay and meets Emily and Kate there, paying for the hour they're there with her allowance to make it easier on her aunt and Chris. "What are you making for dinner?" I ask curiously.
"Chicken quesadillas, fully loaded. Sour cream, salsa, lettuce, tomatoes, beans, chili sauce, taco sauce, and shredded cheese."
"That sounds good," I say, about to drool.
"Cuz it is, papi."

Once the other two girls are home, Molly has practice until 6 'Drya informs me and begins prepping dinner. She flicks on the radio, a station that plays the hot music for our ages and helps Emily and Kate start chores, giving them specific tasks. She pulls out the pans she's going to need, setting our plates on the counter and the ingredients are lined up in the order she's going to use them. She's insanely organized, sometimes it's aggravating. She's set this whole house up to her convenience, chores and all. She begins singing and dancing along with Aaliyah's 'Back & Forth' as she cooks. She just cooks her boricua butt off, enjoying it and I watch her work her magic, chuckling every now and again to myself.

"Tay! Emmy! Kate!" I hear three sets of feet and they run right to her, she hands them a plate to set at the table. Three plates have one quesadilla, three others have two and two have three. She puts a plate with two and another with three in the fridge for Bev and Chris, remembering Angelo last second to prepare a plate with three on it. Three plates are in the fridge for the adults who are working at the current time. Her plate and mine are at the ends of the table, the other four divided between the two sides. She places a plate of two wraps into the microwave and cleans up the ingredients, putting everything in its place and washing the pan she used. Once she's done with it all, she turns the radio down to a barely audible level from the table and sits at the table, we pray over our food and being thankful for the meal. "Amen. How was your day, girls?" She launches in caregiver mode, asking about things most parents or older siblings would and I suppose that she's become like their sister since a couple years ago, falling into a set routine.
They excitedly and become somewhat animated as they converse about things that have happened today, Tay turning to me as silence falls around me. "Y tu, Alex?" Tay can speak limited Spanish, but is fluent in English and 'Drya tries to help equalize Tay's Spanish speaking vocabulary by teaching her a little each week.
"I went to school, got through class and I'm here." What else can I say? I can't tell these little girls I want to make out with my girlfriend. I can't tell them I skipped last period or what was said between 'Drya and I.
"Normal day," Emily mutters, taking a gigantic bite of her wrap and smiles while she chews.

The girls are in the backyard with 'Drya and I when Molly comes home, yelling she's back and will eat after her shower. Sometime later, she comes out with her plate that had been set aside for her and sits on the ground next to the yard swing on 'Drya's other side. "How can you cook so good?" she compliments 'Drya.
"Having to cook for myself for the past five years, being the only one home by ten at night."
Although I had complimented her culinary skills earlier, I have to playfully one up Molly. "It was delicious, mami. Next time I'll make dinner," I announce.
"You will be doing that tomorrow," 'Drya informs me, giving me a soft poke in the ribs with her elbow and smirking at me.
"No problema, baby."
"That's right it's not." She's teasing because I've been talking about making her dinner for the last few days, planning it out to the finest details as the weekend got closer and closer, the smallest bit finalized in my mind just a few minutes ago.

It's probably close to 7 now and 'Drya stands up, calls the younger three for bath and movie time before bed by 10:30 because it's a weekend night they can stay up past 9p, according to their ages. She bathes them, sets them up for a movie and I sit on the window seat once she motions for me to come sit in our normal spot here. We curl up together and pretend to watch the movie, stealing small kisses every so often with our hands pressed together. Molly keeps a close watch on us, being overprotective until Chris gets home. The movie ends and she endures the bedtime routine flawlessly, taking her time with the three younger girls. Molly looks at me, an angry and accusing glare in her eyes. I give her a smile, killing her with kindness just to piss her off. "Yes, Molly?"
"What do you want?"
I know what she means, but I'm going to play coy. "What do mean what do I 'want'?"
"You're dating her for more than you let on, I've talked to Andrew," she elaborates, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees.
Andrew is a friend of mine at school and I've just found out that he's a squealer. "Andrew is full of shit, we both know he'd say anything to see a good fight while he rolls on the ground with laughter."
It's truth and probably why he's a squealer, he'd rat his own mom out for a good laugh-inducing fight. "True, but we're talking about the one that sat through roll call for final period and then skipped out on it," she retorts.

"I'm back!" Chris yells, closing the front door and heading upstairs.
"Up here!" 'Drya yells back.
I hear Chris run up the stairs as Molly places his plate in the microwave and warm it for him, following suit and talking in Spanish, believing I don't understand what's she's saying. "Why do you bother talking in Spanish? He understands it, might as well talk in English," Chris tells her, descending the stairs as the microwave beeps and I round the side of them. "Hey, man!" he greets me.
"Sup? When's Angelo getting here? I'm down to kick his butt at Pong on your old as sin Atari!" I smirk.
He chortles for a minute, heading to the kitchen for his dinner and shakes his head. "He should be home by 8, not soon enough."
"I'll let you have the fantastic grub 'Drya made," I say, clapping my hand to his shoulder once his plate is on the table and he's sat down.
"Thanks, we'll talk after."
"Sure thing. We need to discuss a couple things," I say, nodding toward the stairs.
"-my own mistakes, Molls. It's my relationship and the two of us are good together. Silencio!" we hear 'Drya's end of the argument as she and Molly were in the middle of, raising her hand as if to stop her cousin from saying another word.
"But, 'Sandrya, he's a player! He's dating another chick! The other one goes to a different school! I swear!" she argues, chasing after a speed walking 'Drya.
"You don't have the pictures, videos or proof of any sorts! Not another word! Nada, nada, Molly! End of of it! Finito!" she screams, crossing and uncrossing her arms like an umpire declaring a player safe in rapid succession.
"But, 'Sandrya!"
"Pero nada, Molly! We are together and that's final!"
Chris sharply whistles by folding his bottom lip in a little, gaining both girls' attention immediately. His head drops into his hands before letting his eyes meet Molly's. "I'm going to tell you exactly what mom did before-back off and let her make her mistakes, she's going to get her heart broken a few times and find herself at some point in life. I've backed off and she's stopped rebelling as much against me."

First Chris, now Molly? Just let me make my own mistakes and I'll learn what is right and wrong in time. If Chris hadn't stepped- "You okay, mami?" Alex asks me, laying on the bed in the spare room and essentially interrupting my thoughts.
I lay next to him, snuggling close and nod my head. "Yeah, it's just somebody has their nose in my business all the time." We've been in our pajamas since Chris ended the argument between Molly and I; I'm wearing plaid pants and a tank top while Alex has Joe Boxer smiley face pants on.
He chuckles lightly and smoothes his hand up and down my back a few times. "They're worried about you; Howie and Kevin are the same way about me and the three of us are like that with Nick," he explains.
"Nick's also like that with his brother and sisters."
"Exactly, the older ones always look out for the younger ones and you do it with Kate, Tay and Emmy."
"I'm not that bad about it though."
"They're also little kids," he observes, drawing unseen pictures on my back.
Alex is so focused on me that he isn't watching the open door that I'm facing, seeing Chris in the door with closed hands and an evil smirk on his lips. "Chris, don't do it," I growl two seconds too late as he throws ice cubes at us and one lands on Alex's stomach, it flies back across the room and goes down his tucked in shirt. Chris shrieks like a girl as he struggles to untuck his shirt and get the ice cube out, making us laugh like crazy at his failed attempt at pranking us. By the time he gets it out of his shirt, it's smaller than a dime and the two of us are close to tears.

Alex and I talked about the possibilities of our relationship, pending the response from Transcon and the parent record company and how we would stay in touch. I suppose we were up pretty late, next thing I remember is Aunt Bev shaking me and saying I should get in my room before Chris wakes up. Her saying that makes me realize that Chris fell asleep before us and I realize she's whispering, following her finger to find him asleep sitting up beside the dresser by the door. I shrug and smile, climbing onto the bench against the opposite wall and pull the afghan over my body, falling back asleep.

I stretch and yawn, feeling eyes on me. "When'd you move to the bench?"
"After you fell asleep," I simply answer, scratching my sides. I smell cinnamon sugar, maple syrup, pancakes and home fries. "Are you cooking?" I ask, some alarm in my tone.
"No," he says, turning to bolt down the steps after checking bedrooms to find them empty except his and Angelo's.
I spot Alex at the stove as I skid to a stop at the serving window connecting the dining room and kitchen, failing miserably when Chris barrels into me. Alex turns around and smiles at me. "Morning, baby, Chris," he greets, smiling. "I hope it's okay that I decided to make breakfast," he says, turning back around to tend to the food.
"It's fine," Chris blurts out, turning to go wake Angelo.
I walk into the kitchen, hug him from behind and kiss his back to show my appreciation. "Thank you." It's a good start for our first full day alone together, Chris and Angelo leave in an hour and it gives them enough time to eat, shower and pack. Chris is getting Justin, Josh and his friend Joey together to see how well they harmonize together for a weekend of bonding. Everyone else will be gone till dinner tomorrow night.

Chris and Angelo left a couple hours ago and 'Drya already cleaned the house from top to bottom, room by room. It was quite amusing to watch her clean, the radio blaring and dancing around as she went about with various spray bottles attached to her belt loops and a sponge in one hand, a washcloth in the other. I called Nick and he agreed to stop by later on, seeing as he's staying at Howie's. He's coming by for lunch, Howie and the other guys might even come to make it a group thing.

Around 11:30, Kevin and Brian pull up and excitedly chattering about something. "Howie had it confirmed last night and Nick almost blurted it out to 'Drya this morning!" Brian says, worried.
"What did he almost blab?" I ask, greeting them as they come through the front screen door.
"Howie is going to fill you in when we have lunch," Kevin tells me, nudging Brian in the side.
"Whatever, Kevin." I roll my eyes and scoff.

Minutes later, I hear Howie and Nick much louder than Brian and Kevin had been. "I didn't though!"
"Nick, you were a split second from telling her!"
"But I didn't, D!"
"Not the point! We agreed to surprise them! She's going to be excited and broken hearted!"
"Why?"
Jeeze, this kid can be so dense sometimes! "Remember what we have to tell them?"
"Just because of that?"
"Yeah! Nick, come on! I told you what had been said to me! You know the stipulations!"
She bounds up to them, greeting them individually and cluelessly smiling and I bet she only heard Howie reminding Nick of stipulations they had obviously spoken about last night. "You insisted on meeting up for lunch here, so I made plantanos, beans, rice, pollo and Coke."
"Thank you, mija! It means so much to us that you're here today." He gives her a kiss on the forehead, acting like the brother he's become to her.
"De nada. Why does me being here mean so much?"
"Nick, why don't you help her get the plates set out so that we can tell her and AJ?" Kevin sternly suggests, clearing his throat.

I've figured out that it's major and it has to be big news, maybe having to do with our demos. What could be so important they have to tell me in person?

"Nick, stop being so vague and just tell me," she requests, a chortle attached at the end as she comes out with four plates on her arms and in her hands while he follows behind with one in each hand. She's used to doing almost everything on her own. She serves everyone but Nick and herself, taking a plate from him and it looks delicious. If I had a choice of a desert island with just her cooking or unlimited alcohol, I'd take her food any day.
"I can't, it's why the four of us wanted to meet up here like a group," he tells her, emphasizing the final syllable.
"I gathered that, but what about the group?"
Kevin half growls, half sighs at the youngest one here. "Howie?"
"I got a call yesterday from Lou Pearlman and Johnny Wright," he begins.
"The guys who said they had to talk to their parent label about our demos," I interject, hoping he's going to say what I think it might be.
He's got this shit eating grin on his face and his eyes are twinkling. "Now you can spill the beans and can be as excited as you were last night, Nick," Howie instructs the blonde 13 year old.
"WE GOT THE DEAL! We have to get in the studio next week and start recording, they have the first single picked and our first real music video is scheduled to be taped in just a few months!" I've never seen him THIS excited, he's creeping me out. Even 'Drya is concerned, I see it in her eyes.
"Oooookaaaayyyy," she slowly replies, giving him an odd look. The one look she gives Chris when he's being weird. "Explain what this means, Howie or Kevin or Brian," she demands softly. "Nick is being far too strange for me to even look at."
I chuckle to myself, Kevin smiling at her and collecting his thoughts. "It means that BMG Germany, Transcontinental's parent company, wants us to sign with Lou and have Johnny manage us and start recording our first album next week. Our first real music video is set to be taped after we get some songs done, in a couple years."
"A couple years is a few months to him?" she inquires, her index finger pointed at Nick and palm up.
"I guess his calculations are off?" Brian offers, unsure himself as he shrugs.
"What did my mom say?"
"She demanded a copy of the agreement be brought to her so she could read it over and think about it, Jane and Bob did the same. My parents said it was up to me," Brian surrenders the necessary information immediately. He'd just turned 18 a couple weeks back and is wrapping up high school, working at Universal Studios with Kevin, Howie, Chris and Angelo. He's close to his parents and brother, even closer to his grandad.
"What do you think?" 'Drya asks.
"I think it's pretty straight forward, we get a percentage of most of everything we put our names on and we have two years to make an album, pick a single, make a video and hope it sticks," Brian summarizes.
By law, I'm not old enough to make this decision on my own and I'll talk to my mom about it in the next few days to weigh it out. I know she and 'Drya will keep me grounded.

They stay for a couple hours and her nosy old bat of a neighbor sees them go, the two of us bidding them adieu. She mutters something under her breath, gaining my attention. I wave and smile at her, the way John Travolta did as Zuko in 'Grease' in the malt shop at the jock. This makes 'Drya chortle, covering her mouth and blushing as she yanks me inside the house. "Alexander, that was embarrassing," she tries to scold me between laughs. "I know Ms. Scorsini is a nosy old bat, but she's retired with nothing better to do except poke her nose in everyone else's business."
"I couldn't help it," I lightly defend, shrugging.
"Oy vey, Alex." She shakes her head, lips tight and dropping her red cheeked face into her hands.

I make a stellar dinner and follow it up with homemade banana splits with the works, she compliments me on both. We curl up on her bed and I can tell her mind is swamped with thoughts, no doubt about this whole thing. "You can talk to me, y'know."
"Alex, what if you go through all this trouble and it doesn't take off out here?"
"We might have to start off in Canada or Europe, but I'll love you without fail and you know it."
"I know. It's just what if I want to see you?"
"You tell me and I'll let our manager and Lou know, something can be figured out from there."
"While you're Stateside, you'll still make time for me?"
She's still scared I'll forget her, forget who stands behind me now and turn my back on her, my heart go cold. I can't do that to her, she's done too much for me to do that.Chris and Angelo left a couple hours ago and 'Drya already cleaned the house from top to bottom, room by room. It was quite amusing to watch her clean, the radio blaring and dancing around as she went about with various spray bottles attached to her belt loops and a sponge in one hand, a washcloth in the other. I called Nick and he agreed to stop by later on, seeing as he's staying at Howie's. He's coming by for lunch, Howie and the other guys might even come to make it a group thing.

Around 11:30, Kevin and Brian pull up and excitedly chattering about something. "Howie had it confirmed last night and Nick almost blurted it out to 'Drya this morning!" Brian says, worried.
"What did he almost blab?" I ask, greeting them as they come through the front screen door.
"Howie is going to fill you in when we have lunch," Kevin tells me, nudging Brian in the side.
"Whatever, Kevin." I roll my eyes and scoff.

Minutes later, I hear Howie and Nick much louder than Brian and Kevin had been. "I didn't though!"
"Nick, you were a split second from telling her!"
"But I didn't, D!"
"Not the point! We agreed to surprise them! She's going to be excited and broken hearted!"
"Why?"
Jeeze, this kid can be so dense sometimes! "Remember what we have to tell them?"
"Just because of that?"
"Yeah! Nick, come on! I told you what had been said to me! You know the stipulations!"
She bounds up to them, greeting them individually and cluelessly smiling and I bet she only heard Howie reminding Nick of stipulations they had obviously spoken about last night. "You insisted on meeting up for lunch here, so I made plantanos, beans, rice, pollo and Coke."
"Thank you, mija! It means so much to us that you're here today." He gives her a kiss on the forehead, acting like the brother he's become to her.
"De nada. Why does me being here mean so much?"
"Nick, why don't you help her get the plates set out so that we can tell her and AJ?" Kevin sternly suggests, clearing his throat.

I've figured out that it's major and it has to be big news, maybe having to do with our demos. What could be so important they have to tell me in person?

"Nick, stop being so vague and just tell me," she requests, a chortle attached at the end as she comes out with four plates on her arms and in her hands while he follows behind with one in each hand. She's used to doing almost everything on her own. She serves everyone but Nick and herself, taking a plate from him and it looks delicious. If I had a choice of a desert island with just her cooking or unlimited alcohol, I'd take her food any day.
"I can't, it's why the four of us wanted to meet up here like a group," he tells her, emphasizing the final syllable.
"I gathered that, but what about the group?"
Kevin half growls, half sighs at the youngest one here. "Howie?"
"I got a call yesterday from Lou Pearlman and Johnny Wright," he begins.
"The guys who said they had to talk to their parent label about our demos," I interject, hoping he's going to say what I think it might be.
He's got this shit eating grin on his face and his eyes are twinkling. "Now you can spill the beans and can be as excited as you were last night, Nick," Howie instructs the blonde 13 year old.
"WE GOT THE DEAL! We have to get in the studio next week and start recording, they have the first single picked and our first real music video is scheduled to be taped in just a few months!" I've never seen him THIS excited, he's creeping me out. Even 'Drya is concerned, I see it in her eyes.
"Oooookaaaayyyy," she slowly replies, giving him an odd look. The one look she gives Chris when he's being weird. "Explain what this means, Howie or Kevin or Brian," she demands softly. "Nick is being far too strange for me to even look at."
I chuckle to myself, Kevin smiling at her and collecting his thoughts. "It means that BMG Germany, Transcontinental's parent company, wants us to sign with Lou and have Johnny manage us and start recording our first album next week. Our first real music video is set to be taped after we get some songs done, in a couple years."
"A couple years is a few months to him?" she inquires, her index finger pointed at Nick and palm up.
"I guess his calculations are off?" Brian offers, unsure himself as he shrugs.
"What did my mom say?"
"She demanded a copy of the agreement be brought to her so she could read it over and think about it, Jane and Bob did the same. My parents said it was up to me," Brian surrenders the necessary information immediately. He'd just turned 18 a couple weeks back and is wrapping up high school, working at Universal Studios with Kevin, Howie, Chris and Angelo. He's close to his parents and brother, even closer to his grandad.
"What do you think?" 'Drya asks.
"I think it's pretty straight forward, we get a percentage of most of everything we put our names on and we have two years to make an album, pick a single, make a video and hope it sticks," Brian summarizes.
By law, I'm not old enough to make this decision on my own and I'll talk to my mom about it in the next few days to weigh it out. I know she and 'Drya will keep me grounded.

They stay for a couple hours and her nosy old bat of a neighbor sees them go, the two of us bidding them adieu. She mutters something under her breath, gaining my attention. I wave and smile at her, the way John Travolta did as Zuko in 'Grease' in the malt shop at the jock. This makes 'Drya chortle, covering her mouth and blushing as she yanks me inside the house. "Alexander, that was embarrassing," she tries to scold me between laughs. "I know Ms. Scorsini is a nosy old bat, but she's retired with nothing better to do except poke her nose in everyone else's business."
"I couldn't help it," I lightly defend, shrugging.
"Oy vey, Alex." She shakes her head, lips tight and dropping her red cheeked face into her hands.

I make a stellar dinner and follow it up with homemade banana splits with the works, she compliments me on both. We curl up on her bed and I can tell her mind is swamped with thoughts, no doubt about this whole thing. "You can talk to me, y'know."
"Alex, what if you go through all this trouble and it doesn't take off out here?"
"We might have to start off in Canada or Europe, but I'll love you without fail and you know it."
"I know. It's just what if I want to see you?"
"You tell me and I'll let our manager and Lou know, something can be figured out from there."
"While you're Stateside, you'll still make time for me?"
She's still scared I'll forget her, forget who stands behind me now and turn my back on her, my heart go cold. I can't do that to her, she's done too much for me to do that.