Nick and I had broke up again, but after I found out what he was doing behind my back, nobody can blame me. What kills me more is that AJ knew all about it and didn't say anything. After I slapped Nick, I give him my best right hook and told him what I thought of them both. The Millennium tour is coming up and I've decided not to be on the same bus as Nick, but I'll be on the bus with Kevin and Howie. The tour talk will be down to a minimum, I don't like discussing it anymore so I'll end up focusing on everyday things. "Are you alright, Jazz?" AJ asks, concerned.
I haven't fully forgiven him nor Nickolas, but I have to admit AJ told me everything that his friend had done. "I'm good. I just can't wait to see Oshai and the rest of em in the morning."
"I think I'm just going to try to steer clear of the six of you tomorrow."
"I'll be staying with them until the tour."
"You don't have to go on this tour if you don't feel up to it."
"I know I don't, AJ."
"Take the year or so off or do behind the scenes shit or you could just tag along with a band," AJ suggests.
"Maybe."

I ended the conversation and headed to my room, feeling a need to call someone. I sit on the edge of the tub, looking at my socked feet with my cell in my hand. I highlight a number I hardly call, hoping they're not too upset. "Hello?"
"Hey, I have a question."
"I'm all ears, honey."
I take a deep breath, close my eyes and ramble off my question after explaining why. "Is it ok if I stay in his old room for awhile?"
"Of course."
"Thanks. I'll be there tomorrow morning around 11. I love you, Aunt."
"Anytime you need something, call me."
"Will James be there?"
"Not until April 19 and it's only for a week or two, they'll be performing the 9th."
"Um, ok."
"See you in the morning," she tells me, hanging up.
I sigh and look at my cell before pocketing it, zipping my carry on bag and clipping the duffel shut. "I can't tell them, I'll make sure to tell James in May."
The album release party? I just broke up with Nick a few days ago and just to make it final with him tonight, I gave him back the ring he gave me a few weeks ago. It was otherwise good and yes, I'm aware it's 11 at night. I called the one person I've always been able to turn to at this hour of the night, not even bothering to look at the time.

On top of that, everyone found out how James and I are so comfortable around one another the morning before and tensions have been high all day.

~~~~~
Earlier Today...

"James! Darren! Stop it!" I say between laughs. My cousin and his best friend, James Bass are pinning me to the floor of a hotel room while mercilessly tickling me. I'm turning bright red in the face and I know better than to wake them at 8am.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

"Darren, you get the door and I'll keep Sam pinned." He quickly straddles my hips as Darren gets up to answer the door, James continuing to tickle me. The moment Darren opens the door, he's greeted with, "What the fuck? Lance, you know how I get when-" JC stops mid-rant, seeing me pinned under one of his friends and bandmates. "Why is she here?" Take into account he and I have been at each other's throats off and on since we met.
Darren laughs like a hyena, James smiles as he bites back laughter. "JC, this is Darren's kid cousin, Sam."
"Is that why you kept talking to her?"
"Haven't you?" he asks, ceasing the tickle torture.
"Only when we bump into each other or are forced to. Hi, JC."
"Hi, Jazz," he responds, monotone and coldly. "Why is she in your hotel room?"
"Darren asked if she wanted to hang out yesterday and she said she would text him back about it last night. She said yeah, we could."
I pinch James' side, my Mississipian accent coming out. "I promise, James, if you don't get off me, I'm going to kick your country ass!"
He looks at me, smiling. "How are you going to do that, Missy? I'm sitting on your waist."
"I'm confused," a half asleep JC mutters to himself more than the 3 of us.
"James Lance Bass, either you get off me or I will hurt you so bad!" He smiles and sticks out his tongue. I shove him as hard as I can, knocking him back and I sit up. "Get up or I'm going back to my bed and get some more sleep."
Darren scrunches up his face, thinking. That's a bad thing, I tell you that from experience. "Nick's there. You're my cousin and you're dating my best friend's band's rival. How dare you betray us, Samantha Marilyn Charpentier?" he states, feigning hurt. JC chuckles at this. "Well, sunshine, if you'd please leave so we can get dressed," he tells JC through his Mississippi drawl, clearly annoyed by him.
"Come on, Ja-"
Saved by the Bass. "She grew up with us, she's seen us do worse."
I laugh, knowing what he means. "Yeah, skinny dipping with your guys' white country asses, for one thing. I'm forever scarred. I know the routine," I retort, facing the door with a low laugh as JC leaves the room.

I slam the door shut behind him. I rest my head on the door as I wait to hear them disappear, James into his bathroom and Darren into his adding room for their showers. I open my eyes when I hear both showers turn on, walk to the bed and sit in the middle of it. I recall James telling me that one of the other four guys can't keep secrets to save his life, but which one? Chris and Joey knew a few months after we kissed why we felt so comfortable to do it, so it can't be them. I open the bathroom door a crack and ask James, "Which one of the guys can't keep a secret if his life depended on it?"
"JC can't; Justin, he can sometimes." Now we're officially screwed, any second now. I know Justin gets excited about this kind of thing, not always the good kind of excited.

When I was younger, I had spent just about every summer with Uncle George, his wife and my dear cousins. I only got along with Darren because he's only a few years older. He and James have been friends almost as far back as I can remember and when I saw James in Clinton last, he was leaving for Orlando. Clinton was lonely without him, boring too. Every time he'd call Darren, they'd three way me in and we'd talk for hours. Ma is from Clinton and her brother is my Uncle George and Darren's dad. Then Ma and I moved to Orlando, a move or two between.

James' cell rings, pulling me out of my memories. "Sam, could you get that? Should be my mom."
The caller ID confirms his prediction, proving he knows his momma. "Hi, Aunt Diane."
"Sam! How are you?"
"I'm good. How're you and Uncle Irv?" I have never once called James' dad by his first name, always having called him by his middle name so I knew which James I was talking to.
"We're doing good."
"Great to hear that."
"Is James there?"
"He's just getting out of the shower now. How's Uncle George?"
"He's doing good. He's busy out of his mind since Darren left home."
"Aunt Diane, he's fine. He's a big boy now." We burst into a fit of giggles at this comment. "I'm making sure he doesn't do anything dumb to get himself into trouble."
I hear the smile in her voice. "You always kept them out of trouble."
"I try. James! Aunt Diane wants to talk to her baby boy."
"Hand it to me, please," he says, sticking his hand through the crack between the bathroom door and its jamb.
"Yessuh," I joke as I hand him his cell.
He takes his cell into the bathroom as someone knocks at the room door. I stop at the door, hand on the handle and ask who it is. "Justin."
He couldn't wait to check the truth? "Just a minute," I reply through the door and open it, having to tilt my head back to see the fire in his eyes. "What's on ya mind, Timbs?"
"When were you or Lance going to tell me y'all have been friends so long?" Talk about him making someone feel guilty.
"I left it up to James." It's the truth.
His focus switches from me to James. "Lance!"
"He's getting dressed, Timbs."
"Shut up, I'm not happy with you right now," Justin quickly snaps.
"Excuse me?" He did NOT just use that tone with me!
He ignores me as James comes out of the bathroom, hands clenched into fists at his sides. "What the fuck, man? Three years she's been around and you couldn't tell us?"
The smile James had been wearing on his face drops and is rapidly replaced with a look of annoyance. "I love you too. I'll call you later. Bye. Hi, Justin. I didn't tell you because I wasn't sure why we're comfortable around each other until April 97. She told me my best friend from back home that she met this cute guy named Lance. She described me and he didn't care to put two and two together until she went to his house in Mississippi. I was talking to him and heard her in the background. I was confused. We always called her by her name, Sam, and everyone except our families called her Jazzy. Sherri and Dawn moved to Massachusetts when she was seven, she moved up there the summer between fifth and sixth grades. She came back down every vacation-summer, spring break, winter break, Christmas, Thanksgiving. I had left Mississippi, her mom had sent her down to see me go and for two years, all she knew was I was somewhere in Orlando. She heard I left the States and got to see countries she always wanted to see. That's why I got all those trinkets, for her."
"You've known for almost three years, Lance!"
"I didn't think it was the right time."

Darren walks in, unaware of the situation. "Timbs, what's up?"
"You knew for three years that you've known her since you were little!" he screams at my best friend, ignoring Darren.
"Whoa! She and James didn't recognize each other until she came home for spring break in 97. He called and started talking about his friend, Jazzy. We always called her Sam. When he heard her say something and laugh with his sister, he immediately said that she was his new friend from Orlando. I corrected him, telling him she's my kid cousin and to prove it, he could talk to her. I gave her the phone, telling her to talk to him. She answered after laughing once more."
I take a deep breath and continue. "I said hi and we played a million questions, my responses being vivid enough for him to realize I am who I am. I used to follow them everywhere, James deciding to include me after some time. So, when we came to the realization that I'm the same girl he hadn't seen in two years, he concluded that's why we felt comfortable enough to kiss each other. Come to find out, I had a crush on him. Initially for his personality, resurfacing because of different reasons-he looked cute and I wanted my chance with him. Something told me not to do it and I listened to it, putting our friendship above all else. We then agreed to tell you guys, he'd worry about you and I'd tell Heather and Tyler and ask them not to tell him. They haven't and now I have to deal with it."
"Who else knew?"
"Chris and Joey. They walked in while we were remembering times we shared in Clinton. We went as far as to explain it shouldn't be talked about."
"That's why they didn't tell us," Justin mumbles, one hand on his hip and the other holding his head.
"Yes, but they didn't find out till the night of the Disney concert."
"A year and a half?!" he screams, turning to stomp out of James' room.
We sigh and James looks at me, smiling and shaking his head. "He can be so irrational sometimes."
"And I'm the baby?" I chuckle, of a sarcastic sort. "He acts like it more than I do." A few minutes pass, a memory coming to the front of my mind. "We are definitely dorks, James being the biggest one."
"How so?" Darren asks.
"When he's had too much sugar, Joey sent me that tape."
They look at me, confusion twisted into their expressions and James looks slightly scared of what could be on the tape. He ensures that he has his key card and cell phone on our way out of the door. "What tape?"
"Pixi Stix and 'come look at the escalator, it's so cool' is all I'm gonna say."
He puts his head into his hands and shakes it, embarrassed. "I told him to burn it."
"Obviously, it translates to 'send it to Jazz' in his mind. Oh, it's just a copy."
"He still has the original. Great. I hope he never releases those tapes to the public."
"He's considering it."
He squeaks at the thought of it. "At least our fans will have fun watching them."
"Oh, lawdy! Josh's laughing fit! I almost died laughing while he was! All I did was make a face and he couldn't stop laughing! He better release that or I'm kicking his Italian ass!"
They both laugh. "I wanted to slap him or throw something at him because he wouldn't stop laughing. You made that face all the time to break the tension or lighten the mood."
"You're too serious to understand."

He rolls his eyes and makes his infamous 'ew' face, eliciting laughter and giggles from me as we near the security staff. "Lonnie, Derek, Mike. Feel like going somewhere instead of beige cooped up like caged animals?" Darren teases.
They look at one another and shrug. "As long as she's coming along."
"Yeah, I'm going," I tell Derek.
"I'm in. She makes it more entertaining. Second day in London, February 97."
"Oh, jeeze. I'm never gonna live that down, am I?"
"Never, you had us dying!"
"Joey has that on tape, too," James informs me.
"Helps us remember it better," Lonnie adds.
The six of us laugh for a minute or two. "Let's get out of this nut house before JC or someone else pitches a bitch fit over such a tiiiiiiiiny little thing."
Lonnie smiles and hits the proverbial nail on the head, "The whole you grew up with Lance thing just hit the fan?"
"Yeah, JC found out when he got woken up by me laughing and yelling at them. He told Justin. Next are the queen of bitch fits and Justin's tag along." I roll my eyes.
"Let's get out of here before they find out," Derek demands, ushering us into the elevator with Lonnie and Mike's assistance.
We hear both Andi and Bobbi scream 'WHAT' at the top of their lungs as we exit the elevator in the lobby. "RUN!!!!!" James screams.

Once we safely boarded the van and were on our way to get lost in the local FAO Schwartz store, we speak what's on our minds. "Wonder which one told who?" Darren questions.
"They both heard it from JC first, Justin giving the details."
"Thanks, Captain Obvious," I grumble at James. "We established Justin has the details because we told them to him."
"I say JC was too confused to say anything and Justin blabbed the moment the door shut behind him," Darren argues.
"I agree," Mike announces, a finger in the air. "Ten bucks on his theory."
"Ten on Lance and Jazz's," Lonnie says, glancing at us via the rearview mirror.
"Five on each," Derek says.
"Ten or you're out," I enforce.
Derek complains, but does anyway. Darren, James and I begin whispering between us with random fits of laughter sprinkled in, earning us Lonnie's looks of insanity or as if we have various appendages growing from our heads. "Yes, mister..." I use my hand as a clipboard with a checklist attached, "Mr. Lonnie?" The three of us burst into a laughing fit again.
"He usually doesn't laugh this hard over anything."
I pretend to shine my nails on my sweatshirt. "I try my best, my dear boy," I reply, imitating a Sherlock Holmes accent.
James chuckles softly. "If you think she's funny now, try keeping a straight face when she tries to hula hoop."
I put one hand on my hip and point at him. "I've improved over the years, James."
He rolls his eyes, scoffing and feeling a little more relaxed. "Whatever." We laugh like Shenzi, Banzai and Ed until we've gone bright red in the face and tears are streaming down our cheeks.
"I bet they hate me now, more if they already had."
James swats away the idea. "They're going to have to get over it. You're practically family and when you're not running around like a chicken with it's head cut off on another tour, you try to squeeze in as much time as you can with you favorite *NSYNCer." I guffaw. "So, I'm not your favorite?" I decided I need space from everyone right then and there.

A few hours later…
I'm waiting for my plane to arrive, impatient to go home to avoid everyone and it means James too. I have till April to accomplish it, maybe I'll head to LA or Orlando, possibly Tampa or Maine. I just want to be alone, away from the industry and distance myself from it all, be normal for awhile. "Flight 278 to Jackson, Mississippi is now boarding," comes over the intercom.
"Off to disappear from them," I mutter as I walk through the small hallway that connects the building to the side of the plane.

I landed safely and I see a familiar face waiting for me, she's wearing a pair of coverall shorts and a light tee, flip flops matching her clothes. I turn my phone on and it rings instantly, a call I was hoping to avoid. "Hello?"
"Bitty, where are you?"
"Poof."
"Really!"
"I'm safe."
It goes on like this until I hang up and silence my phone, he's become sorta spoiled lately. Fuck it, I've grown tired of the whole thing. I look at her and smile, appreciative that she's still the woman I recall from my childhood. "Fighting with James again, Sam?"
"Yes, and Josh and Justin and Nick and AJ and Kevin." I never could keep anything from his mom.
"For as long as we've known you, the two of you would fight just to make up and it was kind of like watching a lover's fit, reminding me of Romeo and Juliet's families."
"Aunt Diane, you mean the Capulets and Montagues?"
"Yes, but there is one major difference," she confirms.
"Our families don't have any problems with each other."
Diane nods her head, softly laughing at James and I. "You fight like you've been together since forever." I sigh to signal the end of the conversation.

We get in the same car she's had since way before he had become part of *NSYNC, making me think of when we were little. We were all a bunch of nerdy country kids with nothing much else to do but hang out and be crazy. I met him at the beginning of second grade, I was 6 and he was 10 and Darren had known him since the year before. I hadn't paid attention enough to catch his name or any of the usual shit, I had been so focused on my schoolwork and grades that I over looked that Darren had ditched me for 8 months when his new friend would call. I went to my karate and dance classes all summer, having to perform for both when a competition came about and I had been entirely consumed by them.

I did attend the release party, left around ten, had a flight for 3am and the only shut eye I got was on the plane. I'm running on close to a full night's of sleep, yet I know I could be subject to jet lag.

As soon as I walk through the door to his parents' place, Stacy is smothering me in hugs and Jim is asking fifty million questions that I have no answers to. "Jim, Stacy, let the girl breathe."
"Thanks, Diane."
I head to James' old room, still decorated as he left it and I eye a poster sized picture we had saved for. Why it caught my eye will wait until later, closer to the time when I decide to lay down to find out. It's a poster of Boyz II Men from the single cover they did with Mariah Carey-'One Sweet Day', we had to buy the single to get it. Our allowances were a coin here, a dollar there and it took Darren and I a couple weeks. We gave the poster to James as a 'welcome home, we missed you' gift the first time he came back home and performed in state. It seems off kilter, in the way where you remember how something was set up and they changed it in a minuscule way and it's just enough to bug you until you fix it or find out why.

I drop my bags by the dresser and take an armful of hangers from his closet, drop them on the floor. I sit in the 'butterfly' position and begin to put my clothes on hangers. Once I finish that, I place my shoes and small things how I like them. This is my room until further notice, which translates to the fact that I can kick him out of his old room on a technicality. "Still got a touch of the OCD," Stacy comments.
I look at her and shrug. "I don't have OCD, I'm just very particular about some things."
"Most things."
"Whatever."
"Why won't you talk to James?"
"What did he tell you?"
"He said you left the release party early and disappeared, so I got concerned about you."
"Stace, I'm here and I'm alive."
"You didn't say you're fine."
"You know me too well."

Stacy knows something happened to make me just up and leave the way I did, something major. She knows I might be touring this summer, but I might back out of it due to stress and lack of sleep which nobody knows yet. I lay down and call the artist's manager to inform them that I have to put my health first, but will continue to appear in the videos and for some appearances. We've gone through a normal day and it's around ten at night, sleep is being evasive. I turn on his ancient TV and my old Sega Genesis, having popped 'Sonic 2' in. I play for awhile, the volume muted until my cell begins to vibrate across the floor and I answer it after the third set of ringing. "Hello?" I didn't look at the caller ID, stupid me.
"Jazzy?" a smooth voice from my past asks.
"Yes," I reply slowly.
"It's Harold."
"I don't know a Harold."
"Devin."
"Fall River Devin?"
"Yes," he confirms, a smile in his voice.
"Green eyes, brown hair, Portuguese?"
"That's me."
"How have you been?" I ask, feeling a little better.
"Out of my sane mind busy."
"Sanity doesn't mix well in the music and movie industries, trust me," I remind him, laughing.
"We've been touring like crazy and being on the road with Britney is awesome, draining."
"She's a ball of energy, huh?" I say, a twinge of hate for her rising in my throat.
"Our set is draining is all. Our tour breaks April 9 and I was wondering if we could meet up."
"It's been forever since we've hung out, being nerds."
"Close to a year, other than in passing."
"It's been, what, six months since we've talked?"
"Three, I believe."
"When was the last time?"
"Around New Year's, Times Square."
I remember that, a smile crossing my lips as I stand. I turn the TV and game system off, laying on my bed with my head hanging off the edge afterward. "Oh, yeah," I quickly admit, sounding embarrassed.
"I'll never forget it."
I didn't think he'd say it, but he's got me wondering. "Why not?"
"It was perfect."
Guess that explains that for now. "Yeah. So you'll be good with coming here?"
"I have one catch."
"I knew there was one," I whine.
"You have to come to three of the shows."
That's it?! How simple could it be? "Which ones?"
"The 25th at the Worcester Centrum, the 31st at the Ice Palace in Tampa and April 9 at the Thompson-Boling Arena in Knoxville."
"Massachusetts, Florida and Tennessee? Talk about all over the place."
"They're the only ones I want anyone to be at and you're the only person I want there."
Awwwwwwwww! How sweet! "I'll be there," I promise, booking the tickets online.
"I can't wait to see you there."
"See you the 25th."
"Later."
"Sure."

I know she's in Mississippi, but not where. Maybe she'll show up when we perform in Biloxi if I don't see her before hand. I plan on heading home in three weeks, my body and mind demanding a break before we leave for tour. Justin is going to split the time between his hometown and Britney, Joey is flying his family out to Kelly and Brihana, Chris is staying in Orlando and JC plans on seeing his family in Chicago for a week before unwinding in LA. Me? I'm staying back home, taking refuge in my own place. It'd be nice if I could find the disappearing teen girl I've known for about a decade.
"Have any of you heard from her since the release party?"
"No, why?" Joey asks.
"I wish I did, I'm worried," JC tells me, writing something down and signing it quickly.
"Yeah, right. Consider who we're talking about," Chris reminds us, scoffing and rolling his eyes.
"Anyone have an idea of where she could be?"
"Just leave her alone for awhile. She just dumped Nick, ended a tour and has who knows how many things happening right now," Justin points out, being entirely right.
"I don't think she's doing much of anything, she would have said something," JC informs me.
"Unless we've pissed her off."
"Lance," Joey says, dropping an arm over my shoulders. "She's taking down time. I can almost guarantee it."
"But where? That's the million dollar question," Chris retorts.
"Where does she have a house?"
JC's eyes close, fingers straightening out as he names the places he knows of. "Orlando, Tampa, Old Orchard, Worcester, Boston, Leominster, LA, Beverly Hills, Myrtle Beach, Ellisville and Clinton. Those are the ones I know of."
"How did she afford all of them? How does she now?"
Justin grins like a fool. "She became a landlord."
"Which ones?"
"Leominster, Worcester. She has five in each town."
"She's not letting anything pass her up."
"Not in her lifetime, Lance."
"Who maintains the properties out there?"
"Her friend Sherri's family."
"I suppose it makes sense."

It's been three weeks and I just pulled up to my parents' house, seeing my old bed frame on the inside porch. Why would it be there? I push it to the back of my mind, using my old key to walk in and smell my mom's home cooking. It's a welcome smell. I don't hear a sound, but decide to investigate to make sure nobody's home. I check each room to come up empty, leaving my room for last. I glance inside, unsure I even saw the two bodies I think I did on a new bed and swear one is Sam and I double check. I sit in the beanbag chair near the closet at the foot of the bed, patiently waiting on them to get out of bed. Keep in mind that it's close to 1pm. I don't have to wait long, she looks around the room and climbs out of bed, an angry glare apparent in her eyes as she shoos me down the hall toward my sister's old room. "Who is that?" I demand to know, pointing angrily toward my old room.
"Devin. What are you doing here? Your momma told me you'd be here around supper, not fucking lunch," she quietly bites. She has on Simpsons pj pants, a black tank top and no socks. Her hair is in a messy ponytail.
"Sam, why didn't you tell me that you were coming home?" I thrust my arm outward again.
"Because I didn't want you to know." She sighs, dropping her face into her hand as she shows her frustration. I wait for an explanation, my arms folded over my chest and a glare that expresses my anger, curiosity and my irritation. "I needed space from the eleven guys I've been surrounded by and following around the world for the past two or three years, time to be normal, find myself and to be the real me."

I keep glaring at her and Devin across the table, even though I trust him entirely when it comes to her. "What's wrong, James?" she snaps at me, growling my name.
I smile, shaking my head. "Nothing."
The rest of the meal is spent with her and I not talking to one another, Devin looks like he feels guilty or like he's part of the problem. She and I finished at about the same time, my mom already filling the dish washer and Devin having joined Stacy, Ford and dad in the living room. We get into the kitchen and try to scurry away once we deposit it in the sink, mom stopping us by grabbing our wrists to pull us over to the nook area of her kitchen, shoving us into the chairs at the small table. "What in the world is going on between you two?" she angrily inquires, arms crossed and tapping her foot at a fast pace, clearly infuriated at our behavior and irritated that we aren't dealing with this more maturely.

Sam just dismisses the situation, I shrug because it's between her and I and only we can solve it. My mom slams her hand on the table between us and I jump, seeing her do the same, wincing. Mom knows it gets her to spill the beans, every last one of them. "James came home earlier and I woke up to find him sittin' at the bottom of the bed."
She looks at me. "When was this?"
"Right after lunch, maybe close to one," I admit.
"Jazz, come on, you know I don't allow these things to happen under my roof and for good reason too."
"That you know of," we both mutter, barely audible and sneak a quick glare at the other person, our eyes refocusing on her before she could react. Mine is from the week or two we first spent together. I begin pondering what she's implying it about, some outrageous things at the forefront of my brain.
I look at mom, my mind reeling and I blurt out the one thing neither had expected, the speed of their jaws slamming onto the floor making it known. "Has she slept with him?" I direct a finger toward the living room.
Once my mom mustered enough wits, she cursed me up and down, telling me not to talk like that and ending it with 'why don't you go to your house until you feel ready to reword that accusation?' She's pretty pissed at me and saying that Sam feels the same would be an understatement, she punched me hard enough in the chest to knock the air clean out of my lungs on my parents' porch.

I'm wearing a pair of blue Wranglers, an Pheonix Suns jersey and a pair of Nike shoes. It's been three days and no word from Sam, the only reminder of the day I came home is a bruise in the shape and size of her fist. There's one thing about her that not many people are aware of-her ability to hold things against someone if what that person had come across rude or unjust. My best guess is that I came off as both, considering then bruise is still tender and I don't blame her after how I had come across. I can tell what they had believed I was insinuating that evening. Dad had called and gave me a second round of choice words the next day after he got home from work, a calmer tone than mom had used.

I wish I knew if Sam would ever forgive me, but again I have to admit to myself that she's as unpredictable as always. My house phone rings and I grab the cordless, noting the number on it being JC's. "Hi, JC."
"Did you have good reason to even suspect that she slept with the guy visiting her?" he snarls.
"They were sleeping in my old room on a new bed with the door shut and she seemed livid that I had shown up early, quietly chewed me a new one. She barely spoke to me for the rest of the day. My mom made me and Sam tell her what was the issue and after that is when I decided to ask if she had slept with him," I ramble off, knowing better than to have the both of them mad at me. Don't even begin to think I'm scared of them, it's a respect thing more than anything else.
"I'll talk to you later," he tells me, disconnecting the call before I can even say bye.

I can't believe he had the audacity to even consider that thought! He's known me far too long to even let that thought cross his damn mind! Grrrrrr! I'm so angry and it's been about a week, I haven't as so much as even written a single letter of the alphabet to him. Devin had asked me around five that morning to be his girlfriend and go steady, I had agreed with certain circumstances which he found no problem with. I told Josh after a couple months of not talking to anyone other than friends and family back home and Devin. The day after I decked James, Devin and I headed for Tampa via plane, completely avoiding everyone. I kissed his family and mine adieu, properly doing so according to our traditions.
"Are you sure this is the right thing to do?" Devin asks, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets and looks in my eyes from under his green Eastern Boarder cap.
As we stand in the master bedroom, I pinch the fabric of his light grey t-shirt in my fingers and pull on it, letting it go for it to fall against the front of his body. "It's what's best for everyone, space between James and I so we can allow ourselves to cool off and work it out peacefully."

We've been lounging in the hammock out behind the house all day today, curled together and enjoying the weather. We just got up a little while ago to swim and eat, changing into lighter weight clothes after. It's been a few minutes since we had first begun discussing this matter, laying back down in the hammock. "I don't know about that being the 'best for everyone', I think it's what's easiest for you."
"What the hell do you mean, Devvie?" I demand, leaning on my right elbow to prop myself up to look him in his eyes.
"I'm guessing it's what you know how to do because it's what your mom did to keep you as safe as she could and it's just habit now to protect yourself," he explains, kissing my lips softly.
"If that were true, I would've run off alone," I fib, laying with my head on his chest and keeping my eyes diverted from his.
I begin plucking imaginary loose threads from random spots on his shirt. "Okay," he sighs, "I can tell you want to drop it, doce menina." He runs his long fingers through my locks, pressing his lips to the top of my head and we continue to rock back and forth.

I watch his foot push off the ground to keep us in a rhythmic swinging pattern, keeping us calm and it feels as if he has a melody in his mind. "Would you ever do that to me?"
"Do what?"
"What Brandon did to Ma."
"I have no idea what you mean."
Oh, that's right! I never told him about that, about my childhood and what happened to Ma. He only knows that she passed away just under a year ago, things have become increasingly more tense as the date continues to creep up and I don't want to face it all. I begin pouring out my heart, barely getting beyond the point in the memory where I had identified her remains and had felt numb, explaining why I was merely ghostlighting through everything when sobs took over me. He holds me close and soothes my frayed nerves.

The rest of the afternoon is spent without another word being spoken, staying close to one another and in a quiet understanding. "Maybe we should go out? Walk around the stores?"
"Yeah, I need to leave the house."
"It's been a week." I nod and start to rise from the hammock when his hand lightly smacks my ass, I look at him in a warning manner over my shoulder and he smiles at me. "Dress nice but comfortable," he requests.
"Hmph!" I grunt, strutting my short shorts and bikini clad self into my house to slip into a pair of form hugging black leather pants, Nikes and a tie dyed tank top before brushing my hair and teeth, meeting Devvie at the bottom of my stairs. He kisses me, proving he brushed his teeth and I smile. "How was it we met again?" I joke, arching an eyebrow at him and smirking. We leave for the mall in Orlando, his bag thrown in the backseat and I conclude he wants to stay there for a few days at the least. We talk about plans for the next few days and weeks, laughing all the while.

We pull up and I check my glove box for my orange Eastern Border cap, pulling it on my head once I discover it in the clusterfucked pocket. "How long have you had that?"
I smile, silently taunting him. "Since we met," I say.
"That's where it is."
"Yes, you forgot to ask for it back that day."
"It's been in good hands. What store first?"
I get out, lean against the car after shutting the door and pull my lips to the side. "I dunno, we can walk around till I figure it out," I suggest, shrugging my shoulders.
We intertwine our fingers and head in, talking about the next holiday the majority of people celebrate-Mother's Day-and our moms. I swear I see a familiar coif, too short to be AJ and don't think twice about it until that person disappears from my line of sight. We step into Yankee Candle and I stick by the front of the store, my back to the open door. I'm smelling candles and almost drop one when somebody taps my shoulder, putting it down to hurriedly face the person. "So you're safe and among the living," he quips.
"Yes," I reply, folding my arms under my chest.
"I thought you went back home?"
"How'd you figure that out?"
"You're not supposed to answer a question with a question. You're a teenage girl that I've known for three years," he reminds me, pressing a finger to my forehead between my eyebrows and giving a knowing look.
"Right, master decoder," I facetiously fire back, eye roll happening naturally.
"I can always let JC know you're here and he will get here faster than you can bitch me out for it, little girl."
"I'll give you my 'little girl' right hook," I warn him, giving him a nasty glare.
"Oh, cut the shit, Jazz. That glare doesn't phase me and you know that."
I let out a huff of breath. "Whatever. You know I can also leave state faster than you can burp the ABCs."
"Try me."
"Test me."
"I'll text you later," he tells me, walking away.
"Should've stayed in Tampa," I mutter to myself, Devvie's arm snaking around my waist.
"Why?"
"I ran into someone I didn't want to."
"We should get some dinner."

We had dinner and I told him who I had seen earlier that had upset me. "That isn't something to worry about, we need to focus on what we're doing."

"No, she's in Orlando and is with some guy."
"Some guy? Does he look familiar? I swear, she is NEVER going to hear the end of it!" he threatens.
"Leave her be, give her time and when she's ready is when she'll tell us."
"Lance said she's been hanging out with one of the guys in LFO, she had invited him to Mississippi. Why would she do that?"
"Maybe they're dating or she wanted to talk to an old friend?" I ask, shrugging my shoulders as I put my purchases where they belong.
"She tells Justin and Lance close to everything."
'She tells me more than she does you and if you knew half of what I do, you'd kill me,' I think to myself. "I don't know what to tell you."
"I wish I had taken more time to know her better," he tells me.
"You didn't and now you wonder."
"She admitted to liking the green eyed member of LFO."
"That's the one who has sorta curly hair?" I ask, picturing the guy she was with.
"I think so. I do know for a fact that she's known that one since 94 or 95," he informs me.
"Can you think of any other things that can help us figure out who he is?"
"He has a last name that sounds like a South American country."
"Boliva?"
"No, it starts with an L."
"Lithuania?"
"That's in Africa!"
"I don't kn-"
"Lima! That's it!"
"Call Johnny, he can tell you more than I can, C."
"I will," he replies, sounding evil.

A couple hours later, once I had finally gotten settled in to play a game, of course my house phone had to shriek at me about a phone call. I wave my hand at it, dismissing that call and realize it's a bad idea as the caller screams in a familiar language that I can't decode, hanging up after telling me, "I'm calling your cell the moment I hang up." There's some major attitude and anger in her tone, she never growls at me.
Seconds after the message, my cell plays 'Chopsticks' and that confirms on who I thought had called my house. I pick up to avoid more calls, pissing her off further. "Hey," I greet her.
"Either you were too comfy to get off your ass to get the house phone or you just got in," she growls.
"Just got in," I lie.
"Why'd you tell Joshua?"
"He was worried."
"Ná tús."
I know that means 'don't start' and she says it when she knows we're bullshitting or doesn't want to hear lame excuses. "Fine. Why does it matter if I told him?"
"Cuz now he's coming to 'LANDO! I wanted to be away from him and Justin and all of you and the Boys and most of all, I wanted space from James! He pissed me off and I will bust his nose if he comes down here to 'check' on me!" she loudly informs me, the phone an arm's length away from my ear and I can still hear her as well as if she had been talking normally and it be pressed to my ear.
"Okay, I'm sorry! You know I can only deal with his worried pestering for so long before I snap."
She sighs, knowing it's the truth and apologizes. "Sorry for the threats on your answering machine and screaming at you, but nothing frustrates me more than Josh sticking his nose in more than I had requested."
"Why don't you want to see JC?"
"I just started dating someone and I know he's going to stick his nose in it far too soon, he did when it came to Nick."
"That's why you and Justin kept it to yourselves," I observe.
"To keep his nose out of it, yeah."
We talked for a short time after that, hanging up as the sun was setting and agreeing on staying in touch a bit better.

It's been near a month and a half since I've spoken to Jazz, I'm coming to see that I miss her being 'with' me. Now I understand what Justin means when he says he misses her, nothing feels the same and I feel bad for making her run. We've been on tour for half of the time, she hasn't gotten in touch with me and even though I've tried to contact her, she won't answer me. She was at the Biloxi show and avoided me as if I have the Bubonic Plague. She's even spoken to Pink, laughing and smiling with her and walking away when she spots me. I see Sisqó, another opener for us on this tour and someone else she's talked to besides me, and I call his name. He turns around and smiles, waving me over. "Hey, Lance. How's everything going for you?"
"Mostly good. Can I ask you a favor?"
"What's that, man?" he replies, turning to walk down the back hall in the arena.
"That girl that you talked to three weeks ago," I remind him.
"Which one? Fan or non-fan?"
"Jazzy, Oshannie, Lynni, her."
"What about her?"
"Do you know if she's going to the MTV Movie Awards?"
"She's going with AJ from the Backstreet Boys because he doesn't have a date and won't go stag," he informs me. "She is a beautiful girl, one of a kind."
"Thanks," I sigh with defeat. "I know she's beautiful, I grew up up with her."
I walk away and call AJ, I need more information than this. "Just can't let her be?"
"Is she really attending the Movie Awards with you?"
"No, but she is attending."
"Do you know if she's going with anyone?"
"I know she's planning on showing up on someone's arm, her boyfriend's I think she told me."
"She's with him again? I thought she said th-"
"If you mean Nick, it's not him. She hasn't even spoken to him outside of professional means. Why does it even matter?"
"I visited home six weeks ago and she took off, I haven't heard anything from her since." I sit down in the back corner of the toy room on a couch.
"Not even a text or email or a 'fuck you' voicemail?" he questions, thinking it odd.
"Not a single syllable or letter."
"Hunh, even when I piss her off royally, I get a voicemail saying 'asshole' at the very least."
"That's because it's you."
"What exactly did you say or do to get her more pissed off than I can accomplish?"
I twist the hem of my shirt around my finger, closing my eyes for a moment. "I asked if she was sleeping with a guy she was cuddling in on a new bed in my old room at my parents' place back home."
I hear him clap his hands. "Bravo! Never ask that question directly, ask if she's seeing him or something like that. Might I know said loser?"
"Devin Lima from LFO."
"The one that looks like a mix of you, Nick, JC and Justin?" My eyes pop open at this comment.
"He does not-"
"He does, you need to look at him objectively. He has green eyes like you, hair that's a mix of Justin and JC's, muscular like Nick and Justin, tall like all four of you, is in a, I can't believe I'm saying this- boyband and three of you have no clue who the fuck he is."

I call her phone, realizing AJ's completely right after talking for a few minutes longer. One ring, two rings, thr- "Hello?" a male voice greets me.
"Who are you? This is Jazzy's cell phone," I bark out.
"I'm Devin, her boyfriend."
I feel like an asshole, they're dating. "Is she available?"
"Baby, someone's on the phone for you," I hear him tell her, sounding muffled.
"Who is it?"
"Caller ID said James."
She groans and takes the phone. "What?!" she growls at me.
"I wanted to make sure you were okay," I tell her honestly, running a hand through my spiked hair and sigh. "You've been avoiding me for over a month now, acting like I'm disease infested or something."
"For good reason, too. Well, if you don't want your ass kicked, you'll back off."
She's still livid. "I'm worried about you."
"Leave that to Oshai."
"Are you seeing Devin?" I quietly ask.
"Yes, I am."
"Why were you spooning with him?"
"He'd asked me to be his girlfriend around sunrise the same day you came home."
"Have you done anything else?"
"Like have sex?" she quips.
"Yes," I sigh, knowing she might tell me to mind my own in her typical way.
"James, the only ones who need to know other than Devvie and I, they already know."
"I'm not privy to that information?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at a spot across the room as if she stood there.

June 3, 2000 6:15p

"Come on, JC!" Justin yells through the hotel door, slamming the side of his fist against it.
"I'm almost ready!" he shouts back. Typical routine for this kind of event.

We get to the Movie Awards and go through the usual award run around, once inside the arena I hear her laughter bounce off the walls and high ceilings. "That sounds like Lynni," I mutter to myself.
"Only because it is her," Justin confirms.
JC looks up and spots her on the balcony of the upper floor. She waves to him, acknowledging him and motions for him to go up to talk to her and the company she has. "I'll catch you guys in there," JC tells us, walking away before any of us could say a word. She means alot to him and he will do just about anything for her.
I see her and give her a concerned and shy smile, she catches it out of the corner of her eye. A few seconds later, she watches me and signals me to join her and JC when I look back at her. "Time to suck it up and push my pride aside," I think out loud, giving a tight smile to my other three friends.

"I know and I'm glad to hear that, Oshannie."
"I feel so much better with him than I have with anyone and I have one ace left, y'know what I mean?"
I nod my head, understanding her point. "Is it who I think it could be? I think you might have two aces left."
"Bunky."
"Timbs, too. He'd leave his current for you and you damn well know it, girl," I remind her, tapping the center of her forehead with a smirk playing at the corners of my mouth.
Every time my finger touches her forehead, her eyes squeeze shut and her lips remain in a tight straight line to show her annoyance. "Joshua, if you don't stop tapping my forehead…" she warns me, grabbing my wrist and glaring into my eyes. "I promise you that you won't be worried about the next time you get laid, you'll be more concerned about being able to perform without looking like severely bruised fruit that fell a few dozen times," she spits, her threatening smile appearing to deceive everyone else.
I raise my hands in a defensive manner and drop the subject. "So-ha-ha-ry," I retort, trying not to laugh.
Aaliyah leans in and smiles, knowing all too well what I'm up to. She playfully slaps my shoulder. "Stop teasing her," she requests, winking at Jazz moments later. "I got your back, girl."
The two of them smile at each other once her attention is back in the conversation and she had waved someone over to us, breaking into a fit of giggles. Lance joins us and she hugs him loosely with one arm, I can sense how tense things are between them. The four of us chat a few minutes, staff telling us to take our seats due to the beginning is minutes away and I have to talk to Lance anyway, making the minute after we sit perfect timing. "See you at the after party, Oshai?"
"Hmm? Oh, yeah, for a bit."
"You can meet my Portuguese lover," she teases, parting ways to sit in our assigned seats.
I note she's seated between Devin and Brad, making me wonder which one is Portuguese. I turn to Lance and spot the Boys behind their seats, Aaron seated in front of her. She kicks his seat and he whips around, angry or annoyed to her smiling and waving at him. She leans forward and they talk for a little while. "Who was it she was spooning with that day?" I ask.
"Devin," he snarls. "Why does it matter to you?"
"She's seeing someone and have been racking my brain over who it could be. Is he Portuguese?"
"Yes."
"Is there any chance she should fake us out and be dating one of his band mates?"
"Brad possibly, but I highly doubt it."
"Why not the other one?"
"Trust me, it just wouldn't work."
The lights dim and cuts my round of questions short.

Now JC is asking question after question about Jazz and Devin, but I can't let on that I know. I keep my mouth shut and pretend to mind my own, having learned the truth a couple weeks ago. I made her a promise and I intend to keep it. JC is quickly getting on my last nerve, I'm about to blow up at him and apologize to Jazz. There's a commercial break and we have five minutes to do what we gave to. On the way back from the bathroom, I catch part of the conversation JC and Jazz are having. "Before all that shit happened?"
"Yes."
"Oh, when we ran into each other at the mall?"
"I think so. Either way, you had Nick and she never justified anything about not liking you until we gave her reason to."
"LEAVE ME ALONE OR YOU WILL HAVE MISSING TEETH, CARTER!" she shouts at the top of her lungs, being poked in her side by someone with blonde hair and it's not Justin.
"Nick?"
"Yes," she growls, glowering over her shoulder. "Stupid fucker. But, I will be seeing you guys July 20, in PA."
"I can't wait," he says excitedly, the crazy plan we have in mind for them coming to the forefront of my mind again.
"No pranks on me," she demands.
"Bossy, aren't we?" he quips.
"No, it's more of a sharp request."
She has a way of playing with words and it's interesting. "Yeah, right."
"Talk later, bro."
"Definitely."
"Excuse me," I say, edging my way around to my seat.

JC has more to explain than I even first believed, I will get the info I want in the next few weeks and I'll need a willing accomplice. I smirk deviously, spotting Justin a mere five rows away. "I need to talk to you," I claim, grabbing his arm.
"Whoa! What? I was talking to Brit." He's annoyed and I'm curious.
"JC's hiding Jazz intel from us."
Justin gives me a funny look. "Like we aren't? If he dishes his intel, we have to inform him of ours and I'm not down with that." He folds his arms in a 'this is final' way.
"It involves Nick Carter," I tell him.
"Alot of the shit involves him somehow."
"Why doesn't she get along very well with Britney and Christina?" I remind him.
"Minimal time with them?" he half questions it himself.
"Or this new artist Willa Ford? The one he's dating currently? Hmmmm?" I say, tilting my head to the side.
He groans, but agrees to aid me in my search for answers.

It's been a couple weeks of secretly gathering intel and we barely have anything, never mind something useful. "Jazz, look-. I know! No, I won't. Yes. No. I will. We can. Um, I don't know. Of course," Justin says, obviously on the phone with one person we've been trying to find dirt on and laughs. "I'll try. No, no tricks." He scrawls something on a blank page in a notebook and slides it across the table to me. 'No tricks, just a loving shove into a room with our pitbull.'
I laugh, scribbling out the last word. "That's wrong on so many levels, J."
He shrugs, continuing his conversation with her and laughing when she says something funny. I just wish Brit would give her a millionth of a nano second's worth of a chance. She's a friend of ours, just like Andi is and they both mean the same to us. They're both sisters from another miss to us, JC's protective of both and in different ways. We're all protective of them. They've both had their tough times in the past couple years and I refuse to take sides. They’re equally important to us and I’m sure they both help us in their own ways when we need it the most. Justin hangs up with Jazz and I’m off in my own little world, essentially staring off into space.

“What’s wrong, Old Man?” he asks, bringing me out of my thoughts.
“Just thinking of how much both Andi and Jazz mean to us, what they do for us and how they’re both important in our lives.”
“I’ve known Andi since before I could walk and as for Jazz, I’ve known her for three years. Jazz and I gave it a chance because it was a way to get to know each other better. It worked and we’re closer than before it. Now, she tells me more than before and is actually happy to be with Devin.”
“Devin has made her happier than I’ve seen her be since Nick destroyed both her and Andi. He ruined them both. If I come face to face with that guy again in a club or in a private setting, I’m going to let my fist not so nicely get acquainted with his face,” JC interjects, the overprotective side dominating yet again.
“C, Jazz does a kick ass job at doing that for you,” Justin reminds us.

“You three only know a small portion of the story, whereas she sent me the proof,” Lance tells us, grabbing a cup of OJ and sitting at the table with Justin and I. I realize he’s holding a photo envelope.
“Whatcha got there, buuuddddyyy?” I question, being me.
“Piiiicccttuuurrreeessss,” he teases.
“What pictures?” JC inquires.
“Of a certain teenage girl flipping out and beating the life out of her ex.” He actually has a devious smirk on his face! That country boy gets a kick out of Jazz beating the shit out of someone, that someone not being him.
“What? Let me see those!”
“This is going to be great!” Justin squeals with excitement.
Lance pulls the photos out and lays them on the table, JC quickly snatching them up. He quickly looks at the pictures, laying them face up on the table so we could view it after he finished seeing each one. “Oh, shit! Whatever he said or did, he got it and then some!” Justin exclaims, sounding surprised.
“It’s more chest and side shots more than anything, guys,” JC analyzes.
“Remind me not to piss her or Andi off,” I comment.
“Don’t piss the two girls off,” Joey says, jumping into the conversation.
“Hahahahahaha,” I say curtly.
“Why not piss Jazz off?”
“Joe, look at these photos of her kicking her ex’s ass,” Justin requests, handing him the pictures in order.
Joey views them, his eyes getting bigger and filling with more shock with each one. “Um, yeah, she’s laid back until you piss her off, then she’s just like Andrilynni.”
“DON’T CALL ME THAT!” we hear from the bunks.

“We just pulled up to the hotel, we need to move fast and get inside. Deal with this when we get to our floor,” Wade demands.
We all grab our hotel bags and run for the hotel, to the elevator to reach the safety of our designated floor. We call a brief meeting in Lance’s room and look for the pictures. “Where are they?” he asks us, looking at each of us.
Joey breaks the silence with a gasp. “Fuck! I dropped them on the table in the bus when Wade came up to us.”
“Let’s hope she doesn’t find them.”
“Who?” JC asks.
“Andi,” Justin says. “Who knows what-“ he stops midsentence when someone raps on the door.

It had turned out to be Jazz, no brainer that the five of us tackled her with hugs and told her that we missed her like crazy. We also informed her of Andi hardly speaking to any of us and she said that it's too bad for her that she's going to miss out on so much. I found this journal entry, 'Sometimes, I really do hate him. There’s only one thing I can be envious about when it comes to him-having his biological family intact. I still talk to Aaron, Les and Ange. He doesn’t need to know that I do talk to them or what we talk about. It’s nothing that concerns him either way. I know every moment I thought of him, my heart would break a little more with each moment he was on my mind. He had destroyed me and stole my heart right from my very chest, making me fall for him. The worst part is that I had allowed it, loving a man determined to destroy me and another girl at the same time. He’s so emotionally destructive, I have come to realize.' That alone told me why Andi and Jazz can't stand Willa Ford and why neither of them can tolerate the other-he had played them both for fools, leaving them for a third girl. It also explains why she takes as many 'breaks' from the 'tour' as she has, the third victim being an opening act for the Boys. She must be ready to snap and it's almost Foxboro time.
Andi speed walks toward us. “Get ready for rehearsal, we leave in 15,” she barks.
“She’s coming with us,” he tells her, looking at Justin and James for backup.
“No,” she snaps.
“Then I won’t go,” he warns her.
“I second that,” James says.
“She’s not dancing on my time,” she growls.
“Agreed,” Josh confirms, shaking her hand behind her. I think she subconsciously flinches because she can feel her breath on her neck, hot & agitated, before a cool breeze crosses over the bare skin on the back of her neck. A full body shiver brings his focus back to the younger teen girl. “What’s wrong?”
“She’s pissed and I know it has to do with me, at least part of it.”
“I’ll deal with her, you just stay calm and yourself,” he tells her, kissing the top of her forehead.
She nods and Justin runs his finger down the back of her neck. “She truly hates me.” She turns her body to look at Justin and he notices the tears in her eyes.
He quickly wraps his muscular arms around her, one hand smoothing down her auburn-red hair to calm her. “I can try talking to her.”
“I’m done trying. She doesn’t care. She is so cold toward me.”
He audibly sighs, resting his chin on her head. “Don’t give up, she’s just stubborn and set in her ways.”
She shakes her head and steps back from him, looking at the floor. “I just don’t have it in me to keep fighting for her to give me a chance.” Andi heads back to her room to grab something and I notice JC's emotions being worn on his sleeve.

This has got to end, it'll end very fucking soon and it's an unspoken promise I intend on keeping. I quickly walk to Andi's door and slip my foot in between the door and its frame before she can manage to shut it all the way, pushing it open. She fights with me and I win, gaining entrance to the room and shutting the door behind me. "This bull shit needs to stop! You're destroying her when she's trying to open up to you! She feels fucking bad enough! She defends you against your ex! She has been through some hard times and so have you! You're being a pretentious bitch! Open your God damned eyes and see she just wants you to listen to her, maybe even just be cordial! When you decide to be mature enough to accept that she's in ALL of our lives, I'll start really talking to you on a personal level again! Until then, don't expect much from me! You've crossed a fine line and it's hard to get back to the greener side again, even if I love you!" I scream at her, forcing her to back up enough to where she was sitting on the bed by the time I mentioned that my sister defends her against Nick. She can tell that I'm completely enraged, I can read it in her face and eyes. I place my hands on the bed next to her thighs, putting my face close enough to have our noses touch and I fight the urge to kiss her. "Am I fucking clear?!" I growl, demanding an answer.
"Whatever," she brushes me off and scurries off the bed in the opposite direction from me.

I speed walk out of her room, making sure to slam the door as hard as I possibly can to ensure everyone recognizes how ripshit I am. I walk back over to my baby sister, scoop her up into my arms as she cries and feel my heart break for not only her, but Andi as well as her tears make miniature rivers flow from her eyes. They both have their guard up, but Andi's is everything proof-including love proof. JazzBean begins to whimper, signaling that about to stop crying and I look down to find that she had cried hard and long enough that she's fallen asleep. "Dammit," I softly curse.
"What's up, man?" Justin asks me.
"She cried herself to sleep."
He sighs, his eyes emitting remorse and sorrow. "I'll take her," he offers, holding out his arms.
I slowly move her body toward his and her arms tighten around my neck, meaning it's either me or Lance. "I don't think she's out."
"Might be a few minutes. Let me see if she'll come to me if I wake her?"
"Sure."
"Jazzy, come here," he whispers by her ear.
"James," she demands, half asleep.
Lance comes over, his arms outstretched. "C'mere, Lynni," he coaxes her softly. She immediately latches onto his neck and lays in his arms, falling back into her exhausted sleep.
Andi comes into the hall, slamming her door and glares at the five of us as Chris and Joey talk to Justin and Lance. I'm lost in my thoughts as I wander aimlessly, consumed in my own world of worries. "Leave her here."
"Excuse me?" I snap.
"You heard-"
"She's coming or I won't."
She begins walking toward the elevator and the five of us follow suit, security team in tow. Derek leans over just as we approach the elevator and Andi, "I guess she's upset?"
"Because of my her," I answer, nodding toward the 17 year old teenage girl asleep in Lance's arms.
"She's been through so much and manages to do everything she is and has, Andi as well. They're both hard asses, but just on different wavelengths. Give it time and she will see how much it hurts your sister, forcing her to realize how she treats those close to you guys at times."
"It better be soon, this is fucking ridiculous."
"I know, everything is changing."
"Never question someone's method of madness, only inquire their level of sanity," I say from memory.
"Act like you know nothing, but question everything," Lance recites her other frequently spoken piece of wisdom.
"She's like a rose. She's tough when she needs to be, beautiful and soft. Andi is like a water lily strong, but caves sometimes," Justin observes.

I can't stand seeing either in pain and I don't like to be the one to inflict it on anyone. It's time to make it end soon. Foxboro is just a couple days away, hopefully it goes off without a hitch. I spot AJ walking in the direction of the toy room, signature cheetah print cowboy hat on and say a few words to Derek before gaining entry to the room Jazz is in, I stride up to the door as quietly as I can manage. I signal Derek to stay silent as I watch and listen to what they say. His head drops and he grumbles. "Nick misses you like crazy."
"That's nice, don't care," she sneers.
"Well, I think I'm going to stop back in on you in a few days."
"What fucking for?" she narrows her eyes and racks her brain for possible reasons.
"Just trust me."
"Right," she says slowly.
With that he leaves and she's called for our before show hugs. I bolt off to where I was supposed to be and she never sees me.

'Andi is one of the best things in their lives and I'm second banana. Josh should tell her how he feels and that it kills him to have us at war. I'm leaving now and will meet up with them the night before. Maybe staying in Maine and visiting some family in Canada might help me unwind. I leave after this show, obviously once they're asleep. One day is enough.' That journal entry disturbs me after the show, having been the one to grab her to ensure she wasn't left behind.
"Grab that, Justin," I request, motioning to the little book.

Next day, she's gone-no note, text, not a fucking thing. I call her and it rings five times on the I don't know what number try. "Oshai."
"Where are you?" I ask frantically.
"On a mini vaca."
I hear James, he's on the phone with Kitana. "Where are you?"
"Safe and with 'Renny."
"Hey, man!" her cousin says loudly.
"Fine. Talk to you soon?"
"Maybe." She disconnects the call and I don't hear another word from her for awhile, she won't answer for me.

Lance tries again the next day, to no avail directly, but is able to reach Devin. "What did he say?" I ask Lance, who just got off the phone with Jazz's man.
"That she's fine, took off, won't say where and it isn't Canada. Kit went back to Mississippi, so I know she's either in Mississippi, Massachusetts, or Florida. That's my best guess."
"I'm aware of that!" I shout, frustrated and scared because I can't locate her and Andi still hasn't said much to us. I begin pacing back and forth as I worry about them, not completely used to her taking off like Lance is. He's far too calm about it.
"When she's ready to come back, she will. If she comes back for the same show, I say that's when we lock them in the room together," Lance declares.
We all look at him like he's out of his mind. "Are you ok, Pez?" Chris asks him, concern in his voice.
"I'm fine," he says after a calming breath. "I'm just sick and tired of this bullshit fight between them."
He's begun swearing? When was that? Where was I? I sit down at the table, scratching my head and begin to wonder where she would hide from us all. "What if she's near a beach?"
"What? Why would she hide there? It'd be too obvious," Chris argues.
"She told me that the beach helps her relax, to be able to sort everything out in her mind, heart and life," Justin confesses a tidbit of info I had no clue about, all I knew is she loves the beach and it makes her happy.
"How long have you known that?" I ask.
"A couple years now," he tells us, shrugging.
"Are you sure you didn't sleep with her?" I demand, glaring at him.
"I'm sure I didn't."
"What states would she visit if she were at a beach?"
"Cali, New Hampshire, Maine, Florida and North Carolina."
"She might have Darren with her," I assume, hoping I'm right. Lance rambles off Darren's cell number and I call.
"Hey, man," he answers nervously.
I bite my thumb nail and sigh as I greet him. "Darren, have you seen Jazz?"
"I'm with her."
"Good. Where?"
"She needs a break and she turned her cell off."
"I know her cell phone's not on, I've left three voicemails since six this morning," I say, dropping my head into my hands. "Can I talk to her, please?"
"I'd let you, but-"
"But what?" I snap, my eyes shooting daggers through Justin.
"She took off and I can't find her."
"Shit!" I yell, slamming my hand on the table. "Darren, are you seriously telling me that you LOST my baby sister?!" I scream at him.
"Yes," he slowly tells me.
I sigh, trying to collect my thoughts and cool down. "Call me when you find her, I'd like to talk to her immediately."
"Will do, C."
"Thanks, bye." I don't bother waiting to hear his response before closing my cell phone, hanging up. I let my head drop back against the wall and let out a loud groan of frustration. "How hard is it to keep track of a 17 year old girl?"
"About as easy as it is to keep track of Andi," Justin quips, a nervous smile on his face.
"Shut up."
"Andi has a talent for taking off and disappearing," Justin explains.
"Sam could do it almost instantly," Lance confesses.
This information grabs my attention and my head snaps up so my eyes meet his. "What's the longest she took off for?"
"Three weeks when she was nine. She stole food from my mom's and it meant she was okay."
"So what do we do?"
Lance shrugs nonchalantly. "Not much we can do but wait for her. Most southern girls want space and need time to figure everything out. Go about our days and give her time to come to us."
"She's laid back in her own ways, more cautious now than she had been a couple years ago," Justin agrees, laying back on the couch.

I take a shower to calm my nerves. I come out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel and dripping wet to be greeted with AJ's voice mingling with Darren's. "How in the fuck did he find me?" I mumble to myself, not giving him the credit of knowing me better than he cares to show.

I go into my room and throw on a tankini and shorts before entering the living room. "Fuck are you doing here?" I demand.
He has some nerve to smile at me! "I know how you think and I guess you could say I'm renting the one two doors down."
"What's that gotta do with the fact that you're in MY rented beach front house?" I say, shifting my weight to lean on the door frame and cross my arms.
"I saw you get out of that car and decided to come see how long you're here," he informs me, smiling mischievously.
"You dink! You talked to Nick! Tell nobody!"
"Or you're going to do what to me, shorty?" he inquires, looking at me over his sunglasses with his brown eyes.
"You don't want to know."
"Right. Anyway, I'm going to get some food from the store and I'll meet you two on the beach later. Three this afternoon good?"
"Yeah, sure." He gets up and leaves, waving at Darren and I. I shove Darren up against the other side of the door frame, beyond ripshit. "I did it to get away from all of them!" I scream at him.
"Sorry, he said he was worried."
"You," I growl, jabbing him in the chest with a finger, "need to use your head. I told you their names and pic messaged you their photos for a reason!" I throw my arms in the air and storm off to find a quiet, secluded spot on the beach to think, to be by myself.

“You’re right, man-she is near a beach. She’s actually posted up in a beachfront property and she was entirely enraged when she knew I was in her rented beach house!” I cheerily announce to her keeper via phone.
He sighs. “Thanks for checking on her since you were up that way!” He covers the mic of his cell and alerts the other four that she’s in Old Orchard Beach, Maine. "Thanks so much, AJ!”
“No biggie.”
“I have to go to rehearsal,” he informs me.
“Yeah, bye.” He hangs up and I drop my silent phone into the center console. I pull up to the grocery store and get out, ensuring I place my phone into the side pocket of my camo carpenter shorts. I enter the store and begin shopping, my cell ringing a few minutes later with the caller ID reading ‘UNAVAILABLE’. If it’s a solicitation, it’s on. “Hello?”
“A-AJ?” the female voice on the other end of the line greets, clearly having been crying.
“No, it’s the damn kid from ‘Pet Semetary’,” I quip.
“Asshole.”
“Jazz?”
“No, Jessica Biel.”
“Thought you were mad at me?” I say, grabbing a couple packs of hot dogs (natural casing) and a few boxes of burger patties before moving on to the hamburg, chicken and pork.
“I need someone’s opinion who’s been in my place before and you’re the only one that came to mind.”
I key in on the sound of the ocean slapping the rocks and her soft sobbing. “Gee, thanks.”
“I asked you about it during ‘Millennium’,” she reminds me of the discussion we had on the bus months ago.
“Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. What do you mean specifically?”
She tells me everything and I hear her out. “So what do I do?”
“Avoid Nick unless you run into him or work with us. The same things you’ve been doing, So, other than that, I dunno,” I tell her as I put my items on the belt to be rung up and get out of there. "I'll see you in an hour or so."
"It'll only be about 1:30, you'll be 2 hours early."
"I'm going to drop off the food with your cousin and then I'm going to find you to talk."
"Oh. Thanks. I'm on the rocks at the far side of the beach from my place."
"See you soon, kid."
"Yeah." With that, she hangs up and the line goes dead, my phone blinking 'Call Ended 27:19'.
"Hmm, almost half an hour," I mutter to myself, the cashier greeting me a second later and I nod in response.
My cell beeps, signaling a text message and I pray it's Andi because Justin is up my ass about her. It's from Nick, making me curious enough to open it and knowing it can be about anything at all. 'AJ, Andi feels like Jazz means more and is ready to up and leave, might even consider seeing me again.'
Damn, that's a bombshell and a half. Would Jazz give a shit or not about those two dating? She made it clear she didn't like Willa, but she said it's Nick's life and choices. I swipe my credit card and dart to my black Corvette, rushing to drop off the food. I have to let Jazz know before she hears it from someone else. I call her cell and she picks up, only to hang up. Whatever, I'll be there soon enough. I text her, 'Have news about Nick' and shove my phone into my pocket as I jump into the driver's seat and speed off to her beach front place. I pull up, kill the engine and walk through the sliding glass doors on the side. Darren sees me and greets me warmly. "I have to find something at my place, no time to chat," I say, cutting him off due to the fact that I'm not going to listen to him. I help put the food away and rush off to where she indicated. After a ten minute jog to the other end of the beach, I see her sitting with her knees pulled to her chest and her arms holding them in place as her head rests on the top of her knees. I clamber up the rocks and sit next to her, holding one of my knees to my body. "I have news for you," I start.
"I know, I got the text," she tells me, holding up her cell that she had colored with a turquoise Sharpie while on the Millennium tour with us.
"Nick isn't with Willa, but-"
"Might be dating Andi again?" she interrupts.
"Yeah," I answer slowly.
"Good for them, as long as they're happy."
"Have you spoken to your man lately?"
"Right after I hung up on you, he called the second I answered your call."
"How long did you two talk?"
"Ten minutes before he said he'd be here tonight."
"Why?" I must admit that her boyfriend saying that strikes me as odd, but then again I'm also used to her dating Nick.
"He's worried and wants time with me," she tells me, staring out over the water.
Her phone rings and she answers it. "What? I'll see what I can do. I'll tell AJ to call Nick to relay that to her. Yup, ok. Yeah, bye." She quickly hangs up and bumps my shoulder with her body. "Call Nick and ask him to call Andi to let her know that James and them want her and I there for their concert at Madison Square Garden, moral support from two of their 'biggest fans' or so they claim," she tells me, doing finger quotes. "Honestly, I think they get their rocks off when Andi and I are at each other's throats. They want us there on the 24th and 25th."
"What?" I say, laughing. Sometimes she says the most fucked up shit. My guess is Andi hasn't said much to the five of them in a few days or so.

I talked to Jazz, but she isn't happy with any of us and to be honest, I can't blame her. She's mostly upset with me, Justin and JC. Joey and Chris only suggested that she and Andi take a little time out to get to know one another. "Darren, she's undeniably mad at me. I don't know what to do to get her to forgive me."
"There's nothing you can do, James. You can only wait for her to do it and not push her too hard like you have with the whole thing about Justin's friend."
"You mean Andi?"
"No, I mean Janet Jackson."
He had to be a smart aleck about it. "Haha. I know, found their letters. They want to do it on their time and in their own ways." I get an idea and smile to myself. "Put the number I'm about to give you in her notebook, on the inside cover. She will wonder who's it is and call it after awhile."
I hear him shuffling around her things. "Got it."
I give him the number and he reads it back to me. "Good and now I back off to let them do it on their time, their way."
"Hey, she just came back and AJ's with her."
"Can you see if she'll talk to me?"
"Sure, hold on," he tells me, covering the mouth piece.
"What do you want?" she snaps.
"To make sure you're ok and to say sorry for shoving Andi down your throat."
"Again."
She's madder than I've seen or heard in a few months. "Yeah. I just really feel bad. I forgot to ask if you'd be willing to come to Madison Square Garden from the 24th until you're supposed to leave the 25th? Please, Sam?"
She sighs, mulling it over in her mind. "Does the agreement with Josh extend to you and Justin?"
"What agreement?" I ask, wanting to find out what I might be getting myself into.
"As long as us girls are civil toward each other around you five, you'll let us figure out how to handle each other on our own," she states.
"Sounds reasonable to me, I'll do it." I bob my head back and forth as I contemplate ways to indirectly get them to interact. "Andi's presence is requested as well."
"Whatever. If she don't start nothing, I won't."
"Sounds fair." There isn't much to say that won't start another fight with her.
"I'll be there in two days, ok?"
"Thanks, bye, Lynni," I say, squeezing my eyes shut and choking back the sobs while trying my best to swallow the lump caught in my throat.
"See you then, James," she says, cutting the call short.
I feel like crap and I need my best friend to tell me that it's all going to work out for the best, that's she's going to be there for me. I have to face the facts and admit to my faults that have caused her so much pain since we started trying to force her down Andi's throat and vice versa. I'm selfish sometimes and this is one instance of it, there are more to come no doubt.

A couple days later, we've been rehearsing our asses off with Wade and JC misses some steps. "JC, come on!" Wade says, clearly frustrated with him. "You're never off! What's up?"
"Just thinking."
His head drops into his hands and he sighs. "They're probably coming."
"How do you know?"
"Every time you, Justin and Lance have sucked it up and asked either of the girls to forgive you guys, they have."
"Not every time," Justin says, his hand going through the curls from hell on his head. We all look at him, curious about which time he might be referring to.
Just then, we hear a familiar laugh echoing through the hall and all stop dead in our tracks to face the door. "I know, Babe. I will. Yes, I love you too." She hangs up her cell and looks at us watching her. "What? Aren't you supposed to be rehearsing? I swear there's a show tonight!" she screams at us.
He runs over and hugs her, relieved just knowing she's safe. "Thank you for coming!" he tells her, holding her close.
"Saved by the laugh," Justin mutters, embracing her with gratitude and appreciation.
"It's good to see and hear you again!" Chris says.
Joey laughs and I wrap her in my arms, both of us happy to know she's safe. "You scared me out of my wits."
"Always have, always will."
"That's not funny," I say into her shoulder.
She giggles, seconds away from laughing harder. "You're right, it's hysterical." There she goes, laughing crazily.

I didn't expect a welcoming committee, but I know Josh can easily become excited about some of the simplest things. My guess is that seeing me, alive & well, is as simple as it may get. "Uh, I missed you too, Oshai."
"Thank God you're safe!" he whispers in my ear.
"I was with AJ, Aaron, Devvie and Darren… why wouldn't I be safe?"
"Hear any news about Andi?"
"Only that she's with family and will be back ASAP." I keep the Nick news to a minimum.
"What about Nick?" James inquires, on the mark as usual.
"What about him?"
"I know you took off with him."
"To 'Treal and then flew to Maine."
"Right."
He knows me far too well. "Tá sé i Montréal léi."
"Of course. Anything we should know?"
"D'fhéadfadh siad a bheith ag dul arís ón méid atá ar eolas agam," I confess, hanging my head.
He sighs, cradling his head and shakes it back and forth. "She's just going to be hurt."
"She's made her choice."
"I know."

Wade looks at me and pets my head, warranting me to playfully shove him. "Good to see you again," he greets me.
"I guess it feels nice to be near someone about my size," I joke, resting my elbow on his shoulder.
"Same here, girl. By the way, can I talk to you for a second?"
"Uh, sure," I curiously answer.
He pulls me to a corner away from the guys and makes sure none of them are close enough to hear. "Is Andi seriously considering giving the oldest Carter another chance?" he whispers.
"From my understanding and resources, yes."
"What the fuck," he mutters, one hand on his hip and running his other hand through his hair. "She's not thinking straight again. She's up to something, but I'm not sure what."
Just then Nick and Andi walk into the rehearsal, hand in hand. "I made it," she says, entailing 5 out of 7 jaws to hit the floor.
James and I look at each other and shrug, unphased. "C'est le vie," I say, walking closer to James and push Josh's jaw back up as I pass him.
"What? How? Why? When? Ahhhhhh!" is all Josh could manage to say.
"You swore up and fucking down you'd never give him another chance!" Justin screams, pointing at Nick as he walks up to the two of them. "He's just going to destroy you again! He feeds off the pain he causes you and Jazz, I swear!"
"Bonne chance," James mutters.
"Here's to an epic fail," I say utter under my breath, loud enough for James to hear.
"She made her choice," Joey observes.
"Great fuck up, JC," Chris quips.
"Six, no, three months," Wade calculates.

I knew it'd happen, so I half-expected this from him. I thought she'd try to hold off on it, but I'm wrong. I begin playing with my belly button piercing and drumming my fingers on the arm of the couch, both nervous habits that involve only one hand each. "What's eating you, Jazzabee?"
I snap my head in his direction. "Don't call me that, I'm not your Jazzabee. I'm nervous about flying to Cali tomorrow night." I know it's not really his business, but I can't let it get to me because I have to be professional and I'm with Devvie.
"Still scared to fly?"
"It just makes me nervous now, I don't get scared like before."
"I remember the flight from Paris to Orlando."
"I don't."
"What about when we got back?"
"Nope."
"Any memories with me?"
"Ireland, London, US tour-before all the bull shit and lies came to light." I don't let my eyes leave my guys.

"Why?"
"The beginning was nice and then it got dark, you lied. Lies, cheating, and secrets. You cheated on me, then her, then I found out everything and told her. She's not going in blind this time."
"You told her…everything?" he inquires, turning notebook paper white.
"Everything I had known at that time, that was before I found out even more."
"How?" This is when he began to worry about the info I know and I can tell by his voice, his reactions.
"AJ told Justin and Josh. Everyone knows Josh can't hide anything. He told me, to look out for me. I thought of running into her in Canada, but decided against it. I ran to Maine to get as far from you as I could and she brings you here," I admit to him, being entirely honest.
He scoots closer to me and I shake my head, signaling him to back up away from me. "Bullshit!" he spat in my ear, whispering.
"Jenny in the bedroom ten minutes before I got to your house?"

He shuts his lying trap and scoots to the opposite end of the couch, knowing I can destroy this attempt at a relationship with Andi for a second time. "Thought so, asshole," I mutter to myself.
I begin writing lyrics in my notebook.
'I'm Only Me

Why are people attracted to me?
What do they see that I don't see?
Am I blind to what they can find so easily?
Can this be?
I'm only me
Because that's who I'll always be
I wanna be free
What do they see?
In me, what is there that's new?
Why are those traits seen by few?
I'm only me
Because that's all I wanna be
I want to be left alone
Am I love prone?
Is there a blessing for me from above?
Will I ever 'fall' in love, with my heart's white doves?
Why do people care?
Why do they come to me to fix this pair?
I'm only gonna be me
I only see what I wanna see
I'm gonna be free
What they see I may be
Why do they see me as 'lovely'?
Why am I beautiful?
To be someone else, that's not possible!
Everyday, I grow, and change, I will all my life
I've been through so much strife
Within my circle of friends I try to keep peace
I love my only niece
She's three
I call her my baby
She means so much to me
I don't want her to grow up like me
Now you know why I can't see what you can see
I have my world
You have yours
I believe my world has more importance.' It just flows from me and I don't stop until it's done. I look at it and a tune comes to mind, begging for me to write it with music. I give in and allow my song to take control to form itself, oblivious to the world around me.

"Jazz, let's go," Chris says a little while later.
"Huh?" I reply, looking up at the clock. "It's been two hours?"
"Uh, yeah," Justin answers, almost snapping at me. He wipes his face with his shirt and frowns at Andi's back.
"I don't let it bother me because it's just a matter of time before she finds out everything else I have and she'll come to her senses then, I'm here if she needs or wants something from me." I shrug it off and put my pencil, notebook and phone into my bag. I stand on the couch, getting my bag onto my back and look at the five of them. "Piggy back?"
"You're not fifty pounds anymore," James jokes.
I tap Justin's shoulder and he gives me a piggy back ride, a way to talk to him. Once we're both comfy, he begins walking toward the door. "It bothers me," he admits quietly.
"I know. I can tell. Why?"
"It's going to end the same."
"Just be ready for it and hope it's not during a tour."
"I just don't want her hurt again."
"I get it." He looks at me for a split second, his eyes asking me if I really do. "Really, I do. Nobody likes a hurt Andi, no matter how hard she tries hiding it."
"You noticed it?"
"Compared to how she was in NY last summer? Yes, she's happy like last time and she has no reason to worry about me cuz I'm a one man kinda chick." I feel guilt creep over me and I shiver.
"What's up?" Every one of the guys know I shiver for one good reason or another.
"Just had a weird feeling about something," I fib, putting my head down on the back of his shoulder. "We need to talk alone later," I tell him as we approach the door.
He runs across the parking lot to the van before answering me. "After the show good, JazzBean?"
I smile, biting on the corner of my bottom lip and nod. I pull out my phone and text James. I know he's in the same van, but I can't say it out loud yet. 'I think I should tell him.'
'You should've told him when you broke his heart.'
'That was mutual.'
'You broke his heart when he caught you holding Nick's hand Sept 98 and again just before you went your own ways.' He turns in his seat and looks at me, eyebrows raised.
"I didn't know," I sigh.
"You do now."
"Should I?"
"Yes."
"Alright, tonight after the show."
"Should've months ago."
"I know. Now I feel like a villain."
"You were back then. How long?"
"VMAs in 98."
"Damn, that's screwed up."
"I know I messed up a good thing."
"You got that right," he replies, enough venom in it for it to sting.
Wade, Justin, Joey, JC and Chris are looking at the two of us with curious eyes. I snuggle into Justin and hide my face. I begin to silently cry and he feels the tears through his shirt. "What's wrong?"
"Tell you later, tell you when we talk."
"Ok," he answers, uncertainty in his voice as it cracks.

~~~~~
We pull up to the arena and Josh pulls me aside once we set foot outside the van, letting the other guys get far enough away before saying a word to me. "What was Lance talking to you about earlier?"
"Nothing concerning you," I say, trying not to lose my cool and unleashing my temper on him.
"If it involves one of us, it does concern me," he tells me, yanking me back beside him by my shirt and won't let go to keep me in step with him.
"I'll tell you after I talk to Justin."
"Why are you so secretive?"
"I'm a girl and it's what I'm a good at." I swing my arm back, attempting to knock Josh's hand from my shirt and fail. "Let go, Oshai," I demand through clenched teeth, it sounding like a growl.
"No," he snaps. "Tell me."
"You can't drag me on stage."
"No, but I can make sure that security knows you're not to be out of their sight until we get off stage and after that, you're only to leave with Justin. I'll make sure of it. I'll make sure that Derek and Lonnie know that you're only to be alone with one person after the show-Justin."
I groan, sure he would and challenge him anyway. "Fuck yourself, Chasez," I mumble.
"What?!" he hisses.
"You heard me, I didn't stutter."
"Tiny! Derek! Lonnie!" The 3 members of their security team turn to face us and he waves them over.
"Eat shit, Joshua," I say as they come over to us.
"She is not to be out of your sight, even for a second until the end of the show and she's only to take off with Justin to talk. Clear?"
"Sure, JC," Lonnie answers.
"Got it," Derek says, his eyes narrowing on me.
"This isn't going to be easy, is it?" Tiny asks, looking at me and JC.
"Never is," Derek replies honestly.
"I wish it were," Lonnie answers, his eyes never leaving me.
Lonnie and Derek take me by my upper arms and Tiny follows behind, guiding me into the rest of the way to the game room. I wheel around to face them, crossing my arms under my chest. "Ok, wardens, you can leave now," I tell them, shooing them off with one hand I had unfolded.
"No can do," Lonnie reminds me.
"Just leave," I demand.
"Not happening, girl," Derek reiterates.
"JC gave us a job and we have to follow through," Tiny explains.
I flop on the couch and stretch, suddenly tired. "What the fuck ever," I mutter.
"I will, baby," I hear from a familiar voice I was hoping not to hear for a few more hours at least.
I groan and sit up, my elbows on my knees and drop my head into my hands. I have a migraine and come to terms with my attempt at de-stressing was an epic fail. "Fuck ass," I say, rubbing my temples. "Lonnie?"
"What, little girl?" he responds.
"Do we have tension tamer tea?"
"Migraine?"
"One from hell."
"That's the box with a red dress wearing chick riding the dragon, right?"
"Yes, please check."
"Ok, I can send Tiny. You have five minutes before they need their pre-show hugs as they get hooked up to their harnesses."
I nod and close my eyes, willing the pain away. I'm fully aware that I've over worked and stressed myself out to the max again. First the migraine comes and if I don't chill out, then comes an anxiety attack. Lonnie hands me my lanyard with the all access pass and we head for the backstage area, I have a ritual that involves giving each of them a hug just before going on after they finish getting a hackey. I've done it every show I see since Europe, to show my support and wish them luck. I get over to them, give them their hugs and hear Andi with her friends coming toward us. They stop and also warmly wish the guys luck and hug them. "What are you doing here?" the purple haired girl asks.
"Showing support to the guys, same as you."
"Who's she?" the green spiked hair guy questions.
"That's Jazzy," Andi answers, dismissing my presence.
"Sam," James half answers, half calls me at the same time. I walk over to him and he hugs me again. "Don't let her get to you," he whispers.
"I know she's hurting, I see it in her eyes," I tell him.
He nods as JC starts to countdown to the beginning of the show. "Here we go," James says, smiling at me.

I watch the show from back stage and enjoy every second of it, seeing Andi across the stage from me. I'm almost appreciating that Oshai put Lonnie, Derek and Tiny on 'Jazz Detail' , as they've dubbed it. I'm upset that she still won't give me the chance, but she can only be herself and she is a stubborn girl, set in her ways. I see through her camoflage of animosity, recognizing the hurt and defense mechanisms and just let it go. Nick loves us fighting, but I'm not even going to give him the satisfaction of indulging in hearing the details. My guys have stopped forcing her down my throat and me down hers, but she's still very resistant to even get to know me. "You alright, girl?" Lonnie asks.
"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm just fine." I give him my usual smile, eliciting a smile back from the three of them. "Just systematically sorting through her defenses and thinking. I'm working on figuring her out from a distance," I inform them.
"Nobody can do that!" Tiny announces his doubt concerning my skills.
"I don't know her story, nobody has told me, but my best guess is that her parents have been fighting much more lately, one got ill, the other has filed for divorce or will be soon, touring, choreographing, working with these guys and doing something on her own. She is portraying her curiosity as animosity, but she wants to open up and let someone who might just understand her in, but is afraid to be hurt again. The ones she pushes away more often have been the better people to have at her side in her life," I explain, counting everything off on my fingers.
Their jaws go slack from the shock and are silent for a few. "How the fuck-?" Lonnie asks, stumped.
Derek laughs as the guys start coming back stage for a wardrobe change after 'Digital Get Down'. "Sup, D?" JC asks.
"Your sister practically figured Andi out on a general level and doesn't know what you guys do! She just shocked Lonnie and Tiny. She did that thing she did to figure each of you guys out, not counting the childhood thing. She only did the past couple years!" he informs the five of them, more JC than the others.
"That's why I'm Oshai and she's Oshannie!" he yells back (motioning to himself and then me), smiling as he changes his shirt and darts onto the stage again.
"So you're the Oshannie they talk about?" Tiny asks me.
"Yup," I say, beaming. "Josh dubbed me Oshannie after I nicknamed him Oshai when his parents adopted me."
"You're his baby sister?"
"Yes, T, I'm family to Daddy C."
"Oh, shit." He sits down, scratching his head.

My shoulder is bumped by someone taller than I am because their finger tips brush the inside of my forearm, making my temper begin to flare. I see a blonde guy walk away with a familiar walk, I clench my fists and release them a few times as I try to bury my fury. He won't win, I won't let him. "Lonnie, bring me to the game room now, please," I request.
"What? Why?"
"Just do it before she does something-" Derek begins explaining as I start running after Nick, only to switch modes and dart for the guy's wardrobe room.
"I can't do this, not now. I need James or Justin or Oshai. Or Devvie, I want my Devvie," I quietly tell myself, tears streaming down my face.
I pull out my cell and call a number I try to call as often as I can. "Hello?" he answers, laughter in his voice.
"I need you," I choke out.
"What happened?" he says, concern dripping from each word. "What about the diabo com a cara de anjo?"
"She brought him with her too." I sit between two wardrobe crates, my back to the wall and pour my soul out for him. "He bumped me and let his fingers brush my arm, smirking after." I think he did anyway. We talked for a few more moments, hanging up soon after.
"Jazz!" Lonnie shouts, making me stifle my reborn crying fit and sniffle, wiping my tears on my hands.
"Sam!" Derek calls out
"Where are you?" Tiny yells.
"Oshannie!" JC yells for me. "Everyone, quiet." I hear him take a step and I take a ragged breath. "Oshannie?" he says in a loud whisper.
"Oshai," I whimper and I hang up and curl my legs to my body, whimpering again. "Back off, I have a feeling she needs me to calm her," JC tells everyone else, standing in the doorway to the room I'm in. "Meet all of you in the game room in 15, tops," he barters. He shuts the door and whispers for me. He strides over to where I am and crouches down in front of me less than a foot away, his arms out to show how willing he is to comfort me.
I fling my body into his arms, knocking him on his ass and just cry, my emotions bared. "It hurts to know she has your heart and that she's throwing hers to the shark that mutilated it before."

I'm rocking a blue sweater and light colored baggy jeans, Jazz's hot bod is covered by a baby blue leather skirt and a tight black tank top, teal & black DCs pulling it together as she grinds on me as much as I am on her.

After JC had consoled her, she ran to me and we ran to the hotel to change. She suggested going clubbing and said Bar 169 is jumpin'. We saw Lenny Kravitz about an hour ago and we've been grinding on each other, shooting various liquors since our arrival. Jazz has some nice looking tits to match her flirting skills and killer bod, convincing the bartender to serve us alcohol by sending it to our VIP area. "I think I just saw Lance and Joey," I say in her ear.
"Fuck 'em, we're here to have fun," she responds, waving at the thought of them being here.
Fuck, she looks unbelievably hot right now and she's all over me, no holds barred and without a single regret. "You look great!" I tell her.
"For being buzzed! Thanks!" she laughs.
I don't know why she does that, but her laugh is sexy right now and I feel my slightly baggy jeans beginning to constrict as I get a hard on. My focus is on her and it's been forever since she's done this, two years I think, and it forces thoughts of things she and I shouldn't do to come to my mind. She's biting her bottom lip, looking so damn sexy and torturing me. "Let's get a drink, Jazz."
"Sure, put in an order for Jack and PB," she requests, my ear by her lips and her tongue flicks my earlobe, kissing me near it.
I agree, knowing it'll just make matters worse for her and I, but think twice and consider bringing her back to her hotel room. First off, it'd be to put her in her bed and do the same with myself in mine. Second, I do respect her enough to have her sober. I still haven't found out what she said she wanted talk to me about, alcohol is her honesty serum and she becomes like JC-unable to keep a secret. I order the bottle of Tennessee whiskey and Parrot Bay, heading to our VIP area and closing the door after me, leaning on the door after. She looks at me and smiles, showing how plastered she really is. "What was it you wanted to tell me?" I ask, a knock resounding from the other side of the door right after. The server places the bottles down and starts to leave. "Could you bring some shrimp and hors d'orders?"
"Chips, too?" she asks.
He nods and heads for the bar. "Well, what did you want to tell me?"
She takes a double shot from the Jack, chased by another of PB. She sits back and flips her hair over the back of the couch, thinking. "I wasn't honest with you for the last four months we had been together," she slowly confesses, rolling her head to look at me. I cock an eyebrow and cross my arms over my chest. "I was sleeping with him."
"Him who?" I try to play coy about it.
"Nickolas."
"Oh, uh, that's a doozy."
"Bigger one is that JC's in love with Andi and she feels something for him, but won't admit it. I see it in her eyes, how she acts and I know they're going to be together at some point. I just want them to be happy again."
"What's the smallest one?"
"James is gay."
I don't think the last one is accurate, but I'm not sure. She knows him better than any of us do and she is trashed. I step forward and stop at the edge of the couch, sitting back on it. She straddles my lap and grinds on me, kissing my neck. She finds the spot behind my earlobe and I put my hands on her hips, pulling her closer. I come to my senses and holding her arms, push her to sit upright. "This isn't right."
"Timbs, mine is an open one," she informs me about her relationship.
"Mine isn't."
"You know more than you let on."

Jazz can read through most of the people in her life like you wouldn't believe. She can read through me, Andi and JC easily, especially when we're near her and alone. I pick her up, place her beside me and I get up to pace back and forth in front of the couch. "I don't know what you mean, JazzBean. I know I still feel something for you. I know being a celebrity is a pain in the ass. I know I'm good at what I do. I know I love Britney. I know that I'm more often than not thrown into the middle of a fight or argument. I know I'm tired of not finding things out until the last minute." I stop pacing the room and look at her sitting with her knees curled to her body, her arms holding them there and her head on them, watching me. "Or in our case, after the fact. I want to know why."
"He was my first boyfriend, lover and I thought it wouldn't've lead to where it did," she explains.
"So you were wishing for something that you knew wouldn't happen with him?" I ask, jabbing a finger in the air at her and then in the general direction of the hotel.
"Yeah, pretty much," she admits, her eyes beginning to shut.

The rapping at the door pulls me back to reality and I answer it to be face to face with Lance. "What are you doing here and letting her drink?" he angrily barks at me, fire in his eyes.
"To help her unwind and enjoy her last night with us," I say, finally seeing the four empty bottles of Jack & PB.
"She's passed out on the couch!" he screams at me, motioning for me to look at her.
"James," she groans. "I told him and even more."
"Sam, you're drunk and Justin has a buzz. We'll talk in the morning when you're a little more sober."
"Why does it matter if drunk I am?"
I'm not completely sure if she was being funny or if she realizes she did that. "Lance, don't snap at her now cuz it won't do any good," I say, rolling my eyes.
"Why did you let her drink?" he asks, more demanding this time.
"I don't know. You can't tell C or Andrilynni."
"Tell them you couldn't keep alcohol away from her? That you two were having a serious grind session? That she drank herself into a stupor and you let it happen?"

I haven't seen him get this upset over anything in five years and this is scaring me because his eyes show his rage, his hands are balled into fists, and the veins are popping out of his neck. On top of that, his face is the shade of red that most people associate with anger and rage, especially in cartoons. "I-I-I," I stutter the start of my argument, quickly deciding against it. "Just please don't tell JC or Andrilynni," I repeat, hiccuping right after.
The ride home was an angry silent one, Lance being angry with me more than anything. Jazz is drinker than a skunk, reeks of alcohol and is in and out of sleep. "Pull over!" he tells the cabbie, Jazz coughs with her hand over her mouth. The guy pulls over and he jumps out, helping her to keep her hair our of her face and from falling on the pavement while she regurgitates the contents of what she had left in her stomach. "Let it up, girl," he encourages her, holding her from behind and it reminds me of a standing sex position.
Joey touches my forearm and I look at him. "You need to stop looking at her like that before JC and Lance catch you, they're already suspicious."
"Of what?"
"You and Jazz," he says, glancing between her and I.
"It's not a constant thing, it's on and off."
"Still doesn't make it the right thing to do." The conversation had to stop there because she had stopped retching and they were getting back inside the cab.
"All set to go again?" the mannerless man asks, chuckling at her.
"Yes," Lance bites, giving him a glare unlike one I've seen him give anyone in the time I've known him. He pays for the cab and cradling her in his arms like a sick child, brings her to her room while Joey helps me to mine. Lance moves pretty quick when he has things to do, as we've all learned in the past few years and he meets Joey and I at the elevator empty handed. "You and I will talk tomorrow," he informs me, jabbing my shoulder with a finger and I nod.

"What do you mean drunk?" I ask my bandmate.
"To the point of stupidity and was grinding on Justin like before, man," he tells me, dropping his blonde head in his hands that are held up by the table and closes his jade eyes.
"Shit, tomorrow's not going to be an easy day," I say, checking our schedule which is jam packed from 7am until an hour before the show
"I'm heading to bed, we have to be up early."
"Alright, good night," I say, sounding like I'm in a trance.

He leaves and I call someone who might offer me some advice. "Joshua, how have you been, sweetie?"
"Good, but Sam isn't doing as well."
"Oh no, what's happened?" she asks, concerned.
"Well, she had gone out with Justin and got drunk, confessing some things he needed to know."
"Is he alright?" It takes her a few seconds to realize I had said my sister got drunk. "Wait, you said she got drunk?"
"Yes, I did," I confirm.
"What alcohol and how drunk?" she demands.
"Jack Daniel's and Captain Morgan Parrot Bay, two bottles of each and enough to get your son to carry her out to the cab and her room. What do I do?"
"Does she have somewhere to be in the next couple days?"
"Yes, Paso Robles and her flight leaves around midnight after our show tomorrow night."
"Talk to her about it."
"She won't tell me a damn thing, excuse my language."
"Has Andi begun to give her a chance?"
"Not yet that I know of."
"Give it and the girls time. It might take them being away from each other to begin healing after what happened."
"Thanks, Diane."
"You're very welcome."
"I have to get some sleep, I'll try to call you when we get a few days off again."
"Talk to you then," she warmly agrees.
"Bye." I hang up, placing my cell on the table beside me and strip for bed. "Tomorrow is going to be something else alright, especially after today. Nick, Andi, Brenda, Pat, and everyone else. Why is she such a recluse?"

"Jazz is hurting, scared and unsure of what to do. You can't expect her to come to only you, it doesn't work like that. I know this for a fact-she can and will find other people to turn to with her problems, it just depends on how supportive everyone is," Chris informs Lance and I at the same time.
"She hardly tells me anything," I tell him for zillionth time since we've known her.
"She usually tells me everything, I never hear about anything involving her first ex," Lance confesses.
"Like she always tells us-'never question one's methods of madness, only inquire their level of sanity'."
"I grew up with her and still don't get it."
My silence is making them nervous. "Oh, der!" I exclaim, lightly smacking myself in the forehead. "It's something about not second guessing her ways of doing something, but asking why she does those things in that way!"
"Ding, ding dong! Here's another tidbit you may want to admit-she's a teenage girl and will do off the wall things. My sisters have and I've come to grips with it, making me so lax about it. Both of you need to back off and give the girls space, they need to work through this bs on their own."

~~~~~
"Anyone seen either of the girls today?" Johnny asks us on the way to the van for rehearsals.
"No," Joey replies.
"Not yet," Justin says.
"Uh-huh," Chris answers.
"If I had, I would've apologized," James admits.
"I wish I could say otherwise," I inform him, looking around for them.
"What about since the show last night?"
"I was with her the whole time and we got back alright, thanks to party crasher Lance," Justin claims.
"You know why I made you get back to the hotel when I did," Lance defends his actions.

Johnny called an impromptu meeting for the 5 of us, accommodating the fact that we have a show to rehearse for tonight. "The five of you have to know where the girls are," Johnny gently demands.

What a fucking migraine! What did I do? What did I say? Who saw it? Who found out what? Hot shower first, no, talk to one of the guards then hot shower. I slowly get up and check for one of those big dudes we call security and spot Tiny. "Tiny?" I say, sounding like shit. He looks at me. "Where are the guys?"
"Rehearsals. I have direct orders from Johnny, JC, Justin, Lance and the rest of the security team to bring you there once you're ready."
"That'll be two thousand ninety-never, but whatever. Give me an hour."
"You got it," he says, smiling and setting the timer on his watch.
I turn on the radio, Z100 is my preference in NYC. I grab my clothes, set up for my shower and get in, singing with the radio when I know the lyrics. I get out after washing my body and hair, conditioning the latter. I quickly rub lotion onto my body and dress. I'm rocking dark blue denim jeans, a black long sleeve shirt, a camo tee, and my designer camo DCs. That was my first splurge almost two years ago. I have most of the money I've made over the past couple years saved, intending on buying a place in LA to get away from everyone, all the negativity. I push the power button to kill the radio, grabbing everything I just might need-wallet, keycard, my cell, a backpack purse, note book and something to write with. I put the keycard in my wallet and meticulously put everything in the bag, grabbing a hair clip soon after. I pull my hair into a ponytail, twist it so the ends fall into my face and pin it up, letting the rest of my hair cover the clip. I wonder why my collar bone is sore when I lift my bag, my mind flooding with memories of last night. "Shit," I whisper, recalling why it hurts. I start to walk out of my room and chuckle to myself.
"What's so funny, girl?"
"Something that happened last night," I nonchalantly tell him.
"Something Justin did?"
"Of course."
"Goofy dance?"
Now comes the game of 'guess it' that I sometimes play with everyone. "No."
"Involving his big mouth?"
"Yes," I confirm.
"Kiss?"
"No."
"Bite?"
"Yes."
"Neck?"
"No!" I giggle and rub the spot.
"Show me."
"I suppose," I say, viciously jabbing the button for the elevator. "Wait till we get in the elevator."
He waits in silence as the elevator comes to our floor, entering and I pull the collars to my shirts aside for him to see the bite mark from Justin. "That's going to be a nasty bruise. Should I slap him for you?"
"Naw, let it be. I head for Paso Robles after the show tonight." I called and tried to tell Christina Aguilera's manager I couldn't tour, being talked into starting it late by a few weeks and Renée take my spot until further notice.
"Whatever you say, shrimp," he says, shrugging it off. "Get ready to make a run for it," he warns me, spotting the hoard of fans outside.
I glance over them, realizing most of them are pre-teens or teens. "Shouldn't the majority of these kids be in school at this hour?"
"Yes, but they're here instead. My guess is that their parents didn't get them tickets."
"How many extras did I get for tonight?"
"One all access & VIP, four seats other than the one that came with your special order."
I nod and stop at the door, the fans screaming. "I have a treat for 4 of you!" I announce and they quiet a bit. "If anyone can guess my birthdate, astrology sign, who in *NSYNC is my best friend, my first kiss, brother, my cuddle buddy and I turn to for some laughs. T, can you grab some paper and pens from the service desk?" He does this and comes out with a dozen of each, paper clips in his pocket. "Please attach your school or state ID to your paper. Make sure to fold the paper in half to conceal your answers, keeping them secret. Whoever gets it right or the closest to all of the right answers, will be whittled down to four," I explain.
"I think you should repeat the things again, one at a time," Tiny whispers in my ear and I nod.
"First thing is my birthdate." I wait until they all look at me. "What sign in astrology am I?" I wait until they're done. "You'll have to name *NSYNC members for these questions, one or two names for each name only. Who is my best friend?" I wait to see three dozen eyes locked onto me. "Who was my first kiss?" A minute later they look at me. "Who's my big brother?" They scribble their answers down, looking up after. "Who do I refer to as my cuddle buddy?" They jot a name on the paper, eyes on me again. "The last one is who do I turn to when I need some laughs?" They write their answers, grab a paper clip, pull out IDs and clip them together before handing them to me and Tiny. "Give my security detail, Tiny, here and myself about twenty minutes to decide on who gets a ticket!"

We sift through them after I write the answer key down for us, coming down to six people. Two high school seniors (guys), two junior girls and a couple college kids. "I have Daniel Gregory, Jeff Mitchels, Carrie LeBlanc, and Brigette Banks that are on point."
"Cassandra Thomas and Jamie Patterson are close, but no cookie," I say, letting out a whoosh of air. "Daniel, Jeff, Carrie and Brigette won. Give me their IDs," I announce, putting my hand out and wiggling my fingers. I stick them in my back pocket and we gather the sheets up, heading outside. Tiny sticks the winners' sheets in his back pocket. We only unclipped the winners' IDs from their sheets. "Attention!" I shout over the raucous, which stops shortly after. "If you get your answer slip and ID back," I say loudly, waving them in the air, "I'm sorry to announce you came close, but not close enough and if you could please leave the premises after you receive them, I'd appreciate it! Thanks for trying your absolute best! Single file line starts three feet in front of Tiny!" I smile encouragingly as they line up and find out if their slips and IDs are in the pile or not, thanking them individually. They all leave happy because they all got an autograph from me. I look at Tiny for the slips and tickets.
"Does that mean we get the tickets?" a blonde with beautiful hazel eyes asks.
"We didn't get ours back," a brown haired girl with pale blue eyes observes.
"We had to have won," a tall boy with sandy blonde hair decides.
"Of course we did," another boy with red hair and blue green eyes overconfidently announces.
I smile at their exchange of words, shifting my weight. "You're right," I confirm, reaching in my back pocket to pull out their IDs and fan them out in between my fingers. "Brigette," I call and the brunette steps up. "Daniel," the blue green eyed boy stands in front of me next to the girl. "Carrie," the blonde stands beside Daniel. "Jeff," the tall boy smirks at me.
Tiny fans out the tickets in his hand, the printed side toward himself. "You each get one ticket," he starts, "but only after I call your name and hand you the answer slip that was attached to your ID. After that you can grab your ID and be on your way. Show begins at 8pm sharp and if you want time to get merchandise, get to the arena an hour early." He calls their names and they collect their 3 items.
"We should get photos together," I suggest and the fans agree. One of the hotel's staff comes near us and we hand him a Polaroid camera and request six photos be done. I stand in the middle and give bunny ears to Brigitte and Jeff. We all have our tongues out or are making goofy faces. "*NSYNC does have a VIP thing they do for a couple handfuls of fans, picking them by their seats and I can't say you're entered because they were mine. I can talk to them and see if they are willing to count them, considering they aren't my tickets anymore. Can we get one more with them holding their tickets in front of them?" I ask the poor guy holding my camera and he nods. They do this and we go our own ways. I wished them the best. We dart off with our photos and my old Polaroid camera, rushing to the guys' rehearsal when my cell screams out 'Water Runs Dry'. "Hey, Curls."
"Where are you? JC's pacing between things and Lance is getting ready to call 911 and send out a search party."
"We just left the hotel, be there in half."
"Hurry up, I'm about to lose it."
I giggle and stop part way through it when I hear Nick and Andi talking, laughing. "Uhhhhh…"
"He's going home in ten."
"Yeah, sure," I absentmindedly reply, void of all emotion.
"See you soon."
"Yeap, soon," I say, disconnecting the call as soon as I got the chance.

Ok, I know I have no reason to worry because she's with Tiny, but I'm concerned about why she isn't here yet. I have the many reasons and excuses zipping through my mind. This is my best friend and I'm still anxious because she took off a few days ago. "Where did she say she was? Is she okay? Is she coming? Did she take off again? What happened?" I ramble off, not allowing Justin time to answer.
He stands there, arms crossed and a very irritated look on his face. He unravels his arms, placing his hands on his hips. "Are you done?" he asks me and I nod in response. "She and Tiny will be here in half, Nick has to leave in ten, and she's on the way now."
"All I need to worry about is her getting here safe, right?" JC asks, fidgeting with his hands and looking around the room anxiously.
"She's with Tiny!" Justin and I yell at him.
"Derek should have stayed behind or Lonnie."
I hang my head and Justin growls in pure frustration toward JC. "I grew up for the past few years around her and she's going to get here safe."
"We should get back to rehearsal," Wade suggests.

We bust our tails for the next hour or so and turn to find our cell phones and wallets in our bags, needing some food in us to find her sitting on the sofa. I walk over, pick her up and hug her. I'm going to be forever grateful for her getting here safely. "Thanks, Tiny," I say, holding onto her and hugging her tightly.
"James, stop, you're hurting me."
"She has news for the 5 of you," Tiny informs me, her feet on the floor once again.
I see Jazz's hand slip into her bag and pull out three photos. I look at them and call the other guys over, showing them as well. "She gave away her tickets to four of our fans?" I ask, surprised.
"And those four people will be getting her 4 extra backstage passes when they show up early because she will be dressed incognito, checking tickets up until ten minutes before the show. I'll take over after that and she's going to watch it from backstage."
"Why did you do that?" Chris inquires.
"Otherwise it'd be wasted tickets, so I gave them away as long as they answered my questions right."
"What were the questions?" Justin questions her, borderline grilling her.
"They were my birthdate, astrology sign, who out of you five is my best friend, my first kiss, brother, my cuddle buddy and who I turn to for some laughs. I think you guys know all the answers," she tells us, challenging us to answer.

We huddle up a few feet away and start throwing out answers, making sure I pull my pocket notebook out of my pocket. I take the pen JC was holding out and write her birthdate, looking at JC in hopes that he knows what her sign is. "I don't know that."
Justin smiles. "Capricorn."
I write that down and forget the next question. "What was next?"
Joey smiles, cheesy at that. "Best friend and first kiss, just put your name twice."
"Brother, that's me," JC announces.
"Cuddle buddy is my job," Justin sheepishly confesses.
"Laughs? All of us," Chris blurts out.
We double and triple check our answers before leaving our huddle, walking back to have her check them out. She pulls out a green pen from her bag and marks the answers, a huge grin appearing on her face. "No questions about how well you guys know me," she says, handing it back to Chris.
We huddle around him. "What'd we win?" he childishly asks.
"Time with me, hugs and kisses on the cheek," she tells us.
"Awwww, man!"
"Maybe even back rubs after showers," she nearly whispers.
"Works for me," I comment.
"Sounds good," Justin replies.
"Great deal," Joey tells her.
"That'd be awesome," JC says, giving her a noogie and she playfully punches him in his side.
"Sure," Chris teases.
She gets out of JC's hold and slaps the back of his head, having to jump to do so. "What was that for?" he asks as she smooths her hair down, a smirk present on both of their faces.
"The headlock and noogie you just did to me."
"This is exactly why I gave our relationship a chance in the first place," Justin admits, smiling.
"What do you mean?" I question, seeking clarification.
"She doesn't take anyone's shit!" he reminds us, chortling after.
He snorts and she laughs, keeling over with laughter. Her hair is in her face and her hands are around her abdomen as she bends at her waist. "Oh, shit! Ow! Fuckin' hurts!" she whines between her belly laughs.
"Well, yeah, it hurts, Sam!" I say, cooly covering my gigantic smirk with my hand and placing my other arm under my elbow.
"You're laughing at her while she laughs her ass off at Justin's chortle, aren't you?" Joey whispers.
"Why not? It's pretty funny."
"No plotting against, ow, me," she says, slowly stopping her laughter. "I feel like I just did 45 crunches, a 15 minute wall sit, and ran 3 miles," she announces.
"You can do that too!" I bust her.
"Keep teasing, Bassy!" she challenges.
I shake my head and drop it, changing it to a serious matter. "We might need your help again for the VMAs."
She looks at the ceiling, groaning. "Is this going to happen every year? What did I do wrong?"
"I don't think it will be," Chris says, folding his arms over his chest and tugging at the hems of his t-shirt.
"Chris, relax. I'm here for you guys no matter what may come your way," she confirms, hugging us in a group hug.
"Just like we plan on doing for you," I say.

Alright, so Jazz and Justin got stupid drunk and got in deep with Lance and JC. Johnny has no idea and let's just say that I explained how teenage girls/sisters work and Joey had to graphically inform them what it's like being the youngest. JC understands the whole oldest sibling thing and Lance gets being the youngest, but they made it so difficult to get through their thick, steel like skulls. I swear that those skulls are worse than Justin and Jazz's, so thick it's ridiculous.
We're sitting in the game room, Justin and I are playing Pac-Man with Jazz. "Out of curiosity, are you two just saying you really didn't do the dirty or is it a cover up story?" I quietly ask them.
I feel Justin stiffen and see Jazz slowly lean forward out of the corner of my eye. "What?!" she asks, checking if I'm seriously asking and I assume that it's a cover up.
"Did you two do the dirty or not?" I rephrase my question.
"Let's just say that if I had dated Justin first, I would've still been a virgin," she responds, sitting back against the couch next to Justin's legs.
"Makes sense."
"Is that going to be brought up again?" Justin asks, irritated with me.
"Sorry, man, just never had an answer about the matter," I say, looking into his eyes.
"Good, now drop it… forever," Jazz demands, turning back to our Pac-Man game.

That was an awkward, yet extremely short talk about the non-existent sex life they shared during their short relationship. I finally got the answer I wanted after waiting more than a year. "Really, guys?" I ask, having been defeated soon after.

~~~~~

Well, I know my suspicions are usually dead on and they are this time as well. I know Justin and Jazz have been screwing for at least the past year and a half or so. I'm almost sure I'll find something I don't want to soon. Knowing my luck, it'll be this time. JC sent me to find out why she and Justin haven't called him all day yesterday. It's 10AM and I have a hunch about what they could be doing, I'm only his best friend who can read him like a book. We had gone out last night and Jazz flew in having a couple days off herself, but she leaves this evening. She has to meet Christina at the next stop and only sees us, more Justin than the rest of us, during her two and three day breaks. I knock on his hotel room door. "Who is it?" I hear him call out from across the room.
"It's me, Justin."
"Chris?"
"No, the fucking Pope!" Dammit, man.
He tells someone to grab a set of clothes and that they can shower if they want. He opens the door, smiling ear to fucking ear, looking as if his face is about to split in half. "Hey, man," he greets me, shaking my hand and pulling me into a hug.
"Who's in here? Have you seen Jazz?" I ask, looking around his room. Who can blame me after what I saw last year?
"She's in the shower," he says, thumbing in the direction of the attached bathroom and I hear the water running.
"Her brother is looking for her and you know Lance will be at your door soon," I inform and remind him as we sit at the table.
"Go ahead and let her know," he tells me, nodding to the bathroom door.
I get up and knock on that door. "Yeah?" she answers loudly from the shower.
I open the door and poke my head in, greeted by fog and a fruity smell. I divert my eyes to the floor. "JC's looking for you and you know Lance is going to come here."
"Ok, let Josh know I'll be at his door in half and I can text James once I'm dressed."
"Alright, will do, shortie."
"Oh, and, Chris?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for playing messenger."
"Welcome." Hey, what's a guy to do when she sneaks contraband to him?

After showering and getting my clothes on, I text James to inform him of what I want to do with him after they do their VO's for The Simpsons episode. We make plans to have a friendly meal out and grab some ice cream to enjoy later on.

Justin is sitting at the table with Chris, whispering back and forth as I enter the room with a towel wrapped around my head to dry my hair. I pull the towel over my head, bending at the waist to dry my hair and clip his sweatshirt. I pull it over my head and twist up my hair, putting my glasses on. Yes, I wear glasses for my astigmatism when I don't have to perform like a circus monkey. "Hey! That's mine!" he shouts, indicating his Tennessee Titans hoodie I've put on.
"Not right now it's not!" I shout back, grabbing my cell and keycard before darting for my brother's room, tapping the wood in a rhythm that only I can do.

Josh opens the door, stepping aside to let me in and closing it after me. "What have you been up to since you got here a couple days ago?" he asks, stretching.
"What you do best," I retort.
"I guess it makes sense," he fires back, not believing me.
I'll tell him about Justin eventually, just not now or today. "I'm hungryyyyyy," I whine.
"As usual. Give me ten to shower and get ready."
"Meet you and that styled mop downstairs," I tease, leaving the room and shutting the door behind me.

I get a text from Christina asking how I'm doing and as soon as I send off my reply, I smack into what I thought was a wall. I look up and it's James! Wait, James is built like a wall? He has muscles? He's damn sexy! Whoa, damn! Men and muscles, throw in my libido and you have a confused me when it comes to reactions. "Uh," is all that I can make for speech sounds.
"Hey," he says, hugging me.
Being 16 and horny makes me stupid. I wrap my arms under his and press my hands to his shoulder blades, embracing him warmly. "When did these things called muscles sprout?" I joke, feeling the muscles move and my curiosity grow as my mind wanders to the Land of the Dirty.
"Since I've been hanging out with Justin and JC more, doing whatever sport or exercise they are."
"Wow!" I say, pulling back with my hands in his and looking at him. "Are those tree trunks called your legs? Lemme see your abs," I teasingly comment.
"Yes, they are and my abs match yours," he informs me, lifting his shirt.
I lift my shirt and look at mine. "Nope, don't match. Yours are more toned and defined." We share a quick laugh and pull our shirts down to cover our midsections. "How long has it been since I paid attention?"
"Since we saw you before that May."
They never talk about it, but I want to and don't know how to tell them that. "You do know I'm alright to talk about it?" I gently mention.
"I thought it may upset you to talk about it," he admits.
"Not as much to keep inside."
"You have always been strong and I can remember seeing you cry three times in all the years I've known you," he quietly says, laying his arm over my shoulders and pulling me into a side hug.
"I hide my feelings when it's necessary, but I need to face the fact that Ma isn't coming back and the only person that I'm sure will cry with me is you," I confess, looking at my foot as I scuff my foot on the carpet.
"We can do that tonight, deal?"
"Deal. Thanks, James," I reply, looking at him with a gentle smile on my lips.

"Let's go, Oshannie."
I see Josh and hug James before jogging to my older brother. "Where are we going?"
"This little diner near by."
We hop in the rental he had acquired for his time out here. He turns the key in the ignition, the car roars to life and purrs after that. "Josh, I miss Ma," I tell him, closing my eyes with my head back on the seat and my right foot on the door pocket, relaxed.
He slips his hand around mine and pulls it onto the center console, his thumb rubbing across my knuckles. "I miss her too."
"I can't believe he was sick enough to do that."
"She let us adopt you to keep you alive. She's watching over you."
"What if it had been me?" I ask, rolling my head and opening my eyes to see shock register on his face, unprepared for that question.
"I think we would never be the same if we ever lost you because you've squeezed your way into our hearts and lives, never wanting to see you go. We only want to see you accomplish everything you've set out to do. I'd feel as if my world were spinning out of control if it were you." I nod and look out the window, watching the busy sidewalks go by. "We're here," he announces, tapping his thumb on my hand as he kills the engine in front of a boxcar restaurant.
"Reminds me of Massachusetts."
"Happier times?"
"Back when it was just me, mom, Sherri, Dawn and their families. Those were great times," I say, exiting the car.
"You'll have many more with us," he says, ruffling my hair before pulling me close and smiling like a goon.
I roll my eyes and shake my head, a small smile playing on my lips. I smooth my hair as we walk in the diner. Pointing out a booth away from the windows, I lead the way and we sit. I rest my hands on the pocket on the front of the sweatshirt and feel something inside it, slipping my hands inside it to grab the item. I pull it out and immediately identify it as Justin's travel photo album. I flip it over to see the front, running my fingers over my name he had carefully written in cursive and smile. I feel his eyes on me and look up to have his eyes give off a questioning gaze. "Justin's photo album from when the five of you started till now, the major highlights."
"It might be a scrapbook," he says as I flip it open.
It turns out to be just that. "Look! It's you and Justin in 93," I say, touching the bottom of the photo of them on the MMC set.
"That was seven years ago."
I look on the bottom corner of the same page and see a picture of Justin, Chris, Joey and Josh. "This must be when you guys first banded together before James," I note. "Who's that?" I point to an unfamiliar face.
"He's the bass we had for all of a few weeks."
"Oh." I look at the next page and see a picture of James with them, a grin rests on my lips. I see one of a younger me with them, when James had first gone to Orlando during the summer he was 16 or 17 and giggle. "Have I changed that much?"
"You had to, you need to blend in." He sees a couple pics he prefers not to recall the memories to and turns to the page with the photo of me after moving to Florida, posing goofily in front of the house they had stayed in. There are various photos of them with me, even the one with us asleep in the living room is there and also a picture of Chris and Josh on the trampoline with me. Josh points at one of he and I at sunset, sitting outside with his guitar as he teaches me to play the song he wrote on MMC and we're both smiling softly. "I remember this day," he admits, the waitress coming up beside our table.
"Ready to order?" she asks.
We rattle our orders off and she disappears. "I can still play it."
"Some things you just can't forget."
"Like you five."
We flip through a few more pages, stopping on a photo of Justin and I kissing with the date under it stating 'July 10, 1998-January 21, 1999'. "You dated him?"
"Yes," I confess, knowing it's not worth hiding or lying about anymore.
"Ok, your guys' choice." This is a new leaf for him.
I eye him like he's lost it. "Are you feeling alright?" I tease, leaning over the table to place my fingers on his forehead.
"I feel fine. It's over and done with according to these dates, so yelling won't accomplish a damned thing. Hell, I don't even think a lecture would do anything, you space out by the time I say the third sentence," he reminds me, talking with his hands.
"True and I space out before you finish the first sentence when you use words like 'first' or name off letters or numbers."
He rolls his eyes. "Figured as much."

JC

I know I have been a bit hard on Jazz in the past couple years, but she needs stability and structure. I'm one to talk, but I wish she hadn't gone into the profession she has and she won't give it up until her foot is completely in the door as a writer, composer and producer. I love this girl in ways I didn't know could be done by a big brother and I suppose I'm just a teeny bit overprotective. I'll never tell her that sometimes I feel I'm being overbearing, overprotective and too worrisome when it comes to her. I'm on the phone with Tyler right now. "Come on, this is our baby sister!"
"You want me to follow her around the damn world to appease your concerns?"
"No! Just go on tour with her!"
"How?"
"Ask her."
"Fine, put her on," he groans at me.
"Oshannie, 'Ler wants to talk to you for a minute!" I call out, launching my cell phone clad hand into the air and she finishes her turn on whatever game her, Justin and Chris are competing on to snatch my phone.
"Hey, bro," she greets. "Might take a couple days to complete, but I'm sure it's cool. Yes, I'll talk to Christina and her team in the AM. They should. No. Yes. Hahaha! Definitely! I'd castrate him if he did. Oh, my gosh. Heather what? Over what? That takes talent! Yeah, sure. Just text me, I'll do my best and you can't be a diva about shit because it's not your tour. Yes, I promise. Ok, love ya. Give momma and papa my love. Bye!" She hands me back my phone, turning on her heel. "Talk to him."
"Hey, what was that over?" I ask, my eyebrows raised.
"I told her about what our other sister did in front of a guy she likes, asked what she would do if her most recent ex would show up, and being on the Psykoblast tour with her. Why do you want to know?" he asks, jumping down my throat.
"Just making sure we're on the same page."
"Hey, I have to go."
"Alright, later."

Lance

She realized I've been working out, now let's see what she's been telling Darren and Kit. I call Kitalyn first. "Hi, James."
She must be in creep mode. "Kit, have you heard anything from Sam?"
"She's out with Oshai."
"I know that, I mean otherwise."
"Nope."
"Thanks."
"Deuces."
"Bye."
I hang up with her and call my best friend. "Hey, man!" he greets joyously.
"I got an odd question," I tell him.
"What's that?"
"Have you heard anything from your little cousin today?"
"Isn't she out there with you guys?"
"Yeah, but she's with JC."
"Just the usual texts, nothin' outta the ordinary."
"Ok. How's everyone down there?"
"Good, alive and ready for y'all two to get home."
"I bet. How's your Neenee?"
"Keeping up with us all again. She's followin' your career and Sam's. She's extremely proud of y'all."
"I'll let everybody know later."
"When are ya comin' home to visit?" he asks.
"Be on the way in a couple nights, momma knows when and Stacy, too."
"See you soon! She comin' with?"
"Far as I know, yes."
"She said she's excited to be home. Something about having a house here."
"She got the place next to mine."
"You guys are neighbors?"
"Yeah, it's funny because it happened by accident."
"Oh! Tell me when you two are here!" I hear a girl call for him. "I have to go! Text me later!"
"Sure, bye," I say, chuckling.

I get a few errands done and meet Jazz & the guys at the soundstage for our voice overs. We're doing a Simpsons episode and the Latin Grammys before leaving California to do our own things. The next two days go by faster than I thought was possible and we have our plane tickets to our destinations to do what we need to. Jazz and I are waiting for our plane to land so we can board, homebound for the first time in a long time together. "James, I thought it'd be another year or two before this would happen."
It's early morning September 14, 2000 and I know she won't be home for more than 36 hours. Her flight to NYC is 4 1/2 hours from Jackson, her total travel time is near 8 1/2 hours and we get home about noonish and she leaves for the next tour date by ten in the morning. I just might go with her. "I know. I have a question."
"What's that?" she asks, her head resting on my arm and playing with my fingers.
"Could I tag along for part of this tour?"
"I suppose, lemme talk to Christina and see what happens."
She pulls out her cell and talks directly to Christina and her manager. She gets the ok for me to join her for a few dates and I can go with them from Camden to New Orleans (9/15-9/27/2000) before I fly out to Cali to reshoot parts of our video.

We touch down in Jackson and realize we had talked the whole flight, catching up as we exit the plane. "I didn't know that much had happened then. We hardly had time to say hi during that time."
"I know, James," she says, pushing down on my shoulder to make me bend down and places a kiss on my cheek. "Thanks for still being there."
"Any time, girl."
"Auntie Diane! Uncle Jim! Stace! 'Renny! Kit!" she yells, running into the cluster of our families and they all hug her.
I get close and she jerks me into the group hug by my shirt, keeping me closest to her. "James, Sam, we've missed you more than ever!" my mom says. She ends the hug and we head to luggage claim, surrounded by our families. "Why did Joshua call me to inform me of you drinking, young lady? And you, why didn't you pick up the phone and tell me, young man?" she sternly demands, keeping it between us.
I gulp and Jazz sighs. "I got stressed and anxious cuza Nickolas being there, Auntie. I went out with Justin and had fun. Speakina Joshua tattling, he tell you about a couple years back?"
"Which one?"
"When I first went out there, the first time ever and we went to a club?"
"No, he hasn't."
"Next time he wants to tattle on me, ask him about the first time I went with them to the club in Europe."

We head for my car, the one I bought to keep out here and get loaded up before speeding off for my place. "I've been worried about you, little bitty one," I tell her.
She quietly laughs for a second or two, running her fingers through my hair and stopping on the side of my face. "James, Oshai does that best. Inis dom cén fáth. Tá mé go léir cluasa, súile glas," she replies, her attention focused on me.
"You have been touring almost non-stop, even after what you saw it can cause. I collapsed because I was sick as a dog. You don't eat right. You don't sleep good, not since Miss Vikki passed. You are in pain and hide it from everyone, but I can recognize it. The worst part is because it's emotional. Girl, we can't lose you. You're so rundown and you don't give yourself time to recharge after each tour."
"I took four or five months off before Psykoblast. I'll take another one in a couple years, maybe after the tour for your next album. Might be a month or two."
"I hear you might be on tour with Aaron a couple months after ours ends," I blurt out, informing her that I know with out naming my source.
"It's in the talk stage, nothing is finalized. I promise it's at least 3 weeks after yours. Christina, the Boys, you guys, and a short break is all I have definitely planned."
"I heard something about maybe Aaliyah, Usher and TLC."
"I have no clue."
"Look, you need a big break after that."
"I have nothing planned after that, not until someone contacts me and gives me an offer."
"Good, that's two years out."
"Aaron's is only a month and a half long, just August and September before it's over."
"That's not too bad."
"Can we cut the tour talk till we go to Camden?"
"Sure, but it's going to happen and I know it'll hit you hard."

Her cell starts beeping, signaling texts coming in waves from everyone at once. She flies through the ones from our families about tonight, knowing her as well as I do, she sent out a mass text saying I leave with her tomorrow and when. "Our fam wants to go out to eat later on, around 3:30," she informs me.
I laugh and feel her eyes on me. "Tell em sure." She taps away on her cell, giving a quick giggle before clicking away on it again.

Jazzy

Everyone showed up and thank goodness Friendly's is practically deserted tonight. "It's great to see the babies in one place again," Neenee says, smiling at James and I.
I give her a half smile and nod, James doing the same. "I haven't seen these two back home at the same time in five years for more than a couple hours. I miss doing this."
"Soon enough, Miss Geraldine, we will be home for a break at the same time. We miss being here at times like this," James announces, standing.
"When?" Neenee demands.
"In the next two years, Neenee," I announce.

I talked with everyone about everything, highlighting the good parts and laughing. Right now we're all hugging each other as we get ready to depart, going to our homes and promising to stay in touch.

It's been two days since I joined Christina in Camden, James in tow and I'm writing a song for nobody in particular. I call it 'The Great Divide', knowing to answer creativity when it beckons me. I wonder which artist will end up taking it, recording it and make it sound great, smiling the whole time.

Lance

I thought it was crazy for my group on tour, but seeing what it's like for Sam explained so much more than I could even begin to question. "Is this constant?" I ask, watching the pre-show buzz backstage and wondering what everyone's jobs are.
"Pretty much. Hold the next thought," she tells me, bounding over to someone I barely recognize and she jumps onto his back.
"Doce menina! You scared me!" he shouts once she stands on her feet again, kissing and hugging her.
"I've missed you!" she loudly coos.
Who calls her that? I can't remember why he sounds so familiar, distant memories just beyond reach. I strut over and pull her away from his grasp, breaking the lip lock they're having. "Who do you think you are?! She's in a relationship!" I scream, shoving him blindly against the wall in my rage.
"James! It's Devvie! Let Harold go!"
"Devin?" I question, truly looking at the guy I have pinned to the wall. He has his hands in a surrendering position, being the pacifist he can be at times.
His eyes meet mine and he smiles. "Hi, James," he laughs.
"Since when?" I ask, releasing him.
"If you have returned my calls back in April, you would have known."
"No, not what I mean," I say, stepping back. "The way you look, since when?"
"July, right before the Foxboro incident."

Justin

I love them both and I've let them go off to do their own things. The only contact with either of them is when they contact me. Andi hasn't said much to me, her lips incessantly pressed against shitforbrain's and it's annoying. He's only going to destroy her inside and out again. It's October 21 and Jazz is in Honolulu, Christina's playing there tonight. Us? Oh, we're in Atlanta. Ten days till Halloween, might spend some of it with JazzBean and who knows what she's going to wear. "So, when is she coming?" I ask Lance, becoming giddy.
"I don't even know that."
"Come on," I whine.
"I'm serious!" he loudly tells me, annoyed.
"Justin, stop pestering Lance," JC cooly says, hat over his face because he's laying down.
"But I wanna know when she's coming!"
"You'll know when one of us finds out."
"Justin, stop whining," Chris demands. "You're annoying me and I'm the most annoying one out of us."

I know it's been close to a week, all any of us have heard from JazzBean is via text messages and it's only been very vague general updates. We arrive in Knoxville in a couple minutes and head straight for the hotel, we need some rest. "Come on, we have to get the bags and head for the hotel," Derek tells me, a devious smirk present.
"Yeah, yeah," I say, grabbing my on board bag and leaving the plane. We get our luggage and climb into the van, half asleep. We pull up to the van and Lonnie holds my arm to pull me back behind the other guys. "Dammit! I just want to climb into bed!" I complain, yanking my arm.
"Just roll with it."
"Let me go," I request, quietly admitting my defeat.
"Stay awake."
"I will."
I follow him through the lobby, into the elevator and up to my designated room. I drop my bag just inside the door and flick on the light to grab a hot shower. My jaw goes slack and I can't keep from staring at the scene in front of me-a specific girl in nothing but a tiny powder blue negligee and matching 3" heels who happens to be kneeling on my bed, facing me. "Hi."
"Um, uh, damn, girl." Nice greeting, asshole.
She fluidly steps off the bed, strutting over to me and sashaying her hips on the way. "Viens m'enculer, mon ami."
"If you say so," I tell her, wanting to slap myself.
She does that sexy giggle, pressing her body to mine and captures my lips with hers with her arms around my neck. We kiss and her lips don't leave mine, but her leg hitches around my waist (she's ridiculously flexible). She flexes her ankle and shuts the door, her fingers weaving through my out of control curls. I feel her sandwich me between the door and her body, one of her hands sliding down my body to my dick to seductively jerk me off. "So, you missed me, I see," she whispers sexily, our lips barely parting.
"Of course I missed you," I groan my response.
She kisses me with more want as I feel myself quickly hardening, causing me to guide her to the bed. I lay her on the bed and position myself between her legs, laying on top of her. She wraps her legs around my waist and essentially pins me there, not that I'd want to move anyway. I slide one of my hands to her center and slip two fingers inside, pushing her lacy panties aside. I move them in and out at a torturous pace, her body moving in sync with my fingers. I place my thumb on her clit and begin rubbing, I know what it'll get me in the end. She moans into my mouth, pulling her lips from mine and starting to arch her back. "I want this in me," she tells me, pulling her hand away.
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah," she moans, expressing what she wants and that I'm doing it right.
I pull my dick out and wrap it, teasing her by rubbing it on her thigh near her middle. "You sure?" I taunt.
I pull my fingers from her core, holding her panties to the side still. "Take it."
I slam into her in one fluid motion. "Feels so good," I tell her, kissing her lips and letting her voice her enjoyment. We occupy ourselves this way for somewhere near two hours, collapsing beside one another after reaching our peaks more than once. We tried like hell not to be too loud cuz JC's room is next to mine and he doesn't need to know. "Is this why you didn't tell anyone except for Derek and Lonnie?"
"Don't forget Tiny. It's exactly why. Our rooms are adjoining."
"How long are you staying with us?"
She moves her body to get comfortable, thinking. "January 12, so Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, and my birthday are with you guys."
"Nice."
"Justin?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry."

JC
I woke Justin up and he's just now leaving his room, 45 minutes later. "What took you so long?"
He shrugs. "Stayed up for a couple hours talking to Lynni."
"On the phone?" he shrugs and someone jumps on my back, scaring the shit out of me. "Get off me!"
"Not a chance," a familiar female voice tells me.
"Oshannie?"
"No, Christina." Always sarcastic.
I unclasp her hands and put her on the floor, quickly spinning around to enclose her in a hug. "I wasn't sure if you were coming before the holidays!" I tell her.
"I already stopped in to see momma and papa, our brother and sister included."
"Was mom happy to see you?" I question, taking a step back after letting go.
"Like you wouldn't believe! Papa was more excited than her!" she loudly informs me, her face lighting up.
"We have to perform tonight."
"I know. Johnny gave me a final copy of your tour dates before I left last time."
"You sneak!"
Granted my mouth was slightly agape, but I never expected the comment she had in response to it. "Close it before you attract more hos like Snotty."
"Samantha Marilyn Chasez!" I scold her, folding my arms over my chest.
"What? It's the truth."
"Be nice to her tonight," I request, almost certain she won't be.
"Yeah, right, whatever. She pops off at the mouth, I'm gonna pop her in the face a few times," she scoffs, warning me immediately after.
"Can't you be nice for one fucking night?"
"Nope," she admits, making a popping sound on the last syllable.

We grab what we need for the day and head out to go through interviews, dress rehearsals, meet & greets and the performance today. "What's eating you, C?" Lonnie asks.
"Lynni refuses to be nice to my girlfriend," I growl.
"You're letting her get to you?"
"Come on! Last time they were face to face, she attacked Bobbi and left without a word."
"Even I could tell you Bobbi starts the fights and Lynni just wants to finish them," Derek informs me, making me realize the truth.

The information Lonnie, Derek and Tiny shoved down my throat during the rides from the hotel to the interviews and the venue made my mind reel and recall every fight Bobbi or myself have had with Jazz. They're right, Bobbi did start them all and my sister wanted to finish them. Stupidly, I defended the wrong one and the one I didn't defend hardly talks to me. She's probably right about Bobbi, too. I love Bobbi though and I can't betray either of them any longer. "How can I get her to give Bobbi a fair chance?" I ask. We had been using two vans-Lance, her, Justin in one and Joey, Chris and myself in the other. Lonnie, Derek and Tiny are in my van while the rest of our team and her personal security is with her.
Joey, Chris, Lonnie, Derek and Tiny burst into laughter. "Good joke, C!" Chris shouts, having caught his breath. "There's only one way to get her to tell you more, to truly open up to you," Chris informs me.
"Yeah? How do you figure I do that?"