Summary: Justin had a vision that included a perfect wife, a picture perfect life. Mila, on the other hand, wasn't quite content with what he had in mind. And then came Nadia. The beautiful ones always smash the picture. Always, every time.
Categories: In Progress Het Stories Characters: Justin Timberlake
Awards: None
Genres: Celebrity/Celebrity, Drama, Romance
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 24 Completed: No
Word count: 67676 Read: 43740
Published: Apr 29, 2012 Updated: Sep 02, 2012
Story Notes:
So. I'm back! I'm doing this. For real. Not sure what "this" is yet, but hey. Here we go!
Check out the cast of characters here: http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/837/tbocast.jpg/
1. pressing engagements by Ashley
2. meet nadia by Ashley
3. fuck the pain away by Ashley
4. ignore by Ashley
5. zero to sixty by Ashley
6. let's be honest by Ashley
7. hot in here by Ashley
8. fitting by Ashley
9. drive by Ashley
10. alejandra by Ashley
11. love connection by Ashley
12. i'm not your babe by Ashley
13. exes in paris by Ashley
14. date night by Ashley
15. summer love by Ashley
16. memphis & mila by Ashley
17. happy birthday, milena by Ashley
18. trust issues by Ashley
19. nada from nadia by Ashley
20. give a little more by Ashley
21. wedding bells and whistles by Ashley
22. the walk of shame by Ashley
23. coffee black and egg white by Ashley
24. wake me up when september ends by Ashley
pressing engagements by Ashley
one: pressing engagements
He walked into the party like he was walking onto a yacht. Which was appropriate, since the party was on a yacht. In the Hamptons, to be more specific, and the attendants were every bit the high class socialite one would expect. And so, Justin was uncomfortable, to say the least.
He didn’t quite know why he felt so inept around this crowd “ surely his bank account was of equal or greater value to his counterparts. As a world-renowned music and movie star, he had certainly had more interesting experiences than they could ever dream of having. He’d loved, he’d lost, he’d learned a lot in his thirty years on earth. By any one’s standards, he should have been the least apprehensive person there. But he wasn’t. He was uncomfortable, to say the least.
“Justin! You made it!” The party’s guest of honor, Kristin, had spotted her elusive friend and was going in for a hug before he knew it.
“Hey,” he smiled, being attacked by her embrace. He inhaled sharply, comforted by her presence, and then pulled away to get a good look at her.
“I’m so glad you’re here.”
“I know, I’m glad I’m here too.”
“We didn’t think you would make it. Mila said you were in LA,”
His eyebrows raised a bit, surprised that Mila said anything about him. “Well last time I talked to Mila, I was in LA.” Three months ago, he thought. “I’ve moved to New York full time now.”
“Oh wow, I had no idea. That’s fantastic!” Kristin’s adorable Southern accent melted into a smile and she took him by the hand. “I’m happy to see you.”
“It’s been a while, huh.”
“That’s an understatement. I mean, what, six months now?”
“Almost.” He nodded politely to those he recognized as his friend dragged him through the boat to who-knows-where. “Where are we going, by the way?”
“To find Grant, of course. He can’t wait to see you.”
“Of course.”
“And to meet the rest of the wedding party.”
“Ah.”
“I mean, we brought you all here tonight so we could formally ask you to be in our wedding. That’s okay, right?”
“I mean… I’m not--.”
Kristin stopped in her tracks, almost causing Justin to walk into her, and spun on her heel to face him. “And it’s okay that Mila will be in the wedding, right? She said you guys were okay. Are you two okay?”
He couldn’t speak for Mila, but he wouldn’t have exactly described himself as okay. “Umm… Yeah. We’re fine.”
“Okay,” she sighed in relief, resuming her task of leading him to a private room. “Good.”
“My parents are here, by the way. They would love to see you.”
“I-I-I would love to see them,” he sputtered, trying to take in all this information at once. Sure, it had been a while since he’d been around, but there were suddenly a lot of thoughts swirling around his head, and he wasn’t sure how to feel about it.
“Are you all right?” She could tell he was flustered. “If this is too much for you…”
She knew him well, as childhood friends tended to. He took a deep breath and smiled. “I’m freaking out a little,” he admitted, knowing he wouldn’t be able to hide it from her. “I haven’t seen Mila since the divorce went through.”
Kristin’s smile, which had comforted him since the day they’d met in 7th grade, softened to the point of pity, and she gave her friend another hug. “I’m so sorry, friend. I didn’t even realize how much this wedding stuff is probably going to suck for you.”
“No, no, no, no, you should enjoy every minute of this, Kris. I told you, I’m fine.”
“I know, but I just feel so bad for you guys. It’s so weird that you’re apart now!”
He hesitantly eyed the door that led to the most important part of the party and then looked back at his friend. “It’ll be fine,” he promised her.
Arm in arm, they entered the room to all smiles as Kristin announced his arrival. There were several faces he recognized, but most of them were strangers to him, which, again, made him antsy. And then he saw her. Mila. It was impossible not to “ when she was in a room, no one else existed, honestly. Even with everything going on between them, she still took his breath away sometimes.
Their stares locked on one another, her green and blue eyes “ one of each “ displaying an obvious sympathy for him and their situation. She stood to her full 5’4” stance, brushed a portion of her long black and brown locks behind her ear and smiled at him warmly. He gave a shy wave of his hand and nodded to everyone before heading straight for the bar.
While he waited for his margarita on the rocks, he scanned the room, smiling at those that made eye contact with him.
“Only an hour late. I’m impressed.” Mila had approached him before he knew it, and he immediately wished his drink would come sooner.
“What can I say, I like to make an entrance,” he shrugged.
“Pretty sure you don’t, but all right.”
“It’s good to see you,” he proclaimed, giving her a once-over. She appeared happy, at ease, very much unlike the woman he’d known for the past couple of years.
“You as well.” She was glad that he appeared well-groomed and rested. There had been times she worried about him, from what little she might have seen of him in public. As of late, he’d looked tired; haggard, even. But on this particular day, he looked like a 30-year-old man should. Vibrant, clean-cut… content. “You look good.”
He chuckled and looked down at her yellow polka dot dress, wondering when she became the type of girl that wore dresses on a Saturday afternoon. That had never been Mila’s style. She was more tight jeans and a tee than sundresses and sandals. “How have you been?”
“Good,” she promised, looking him squarely in the eye. He never believed her when she said as much, but it was true. “I’ve been really good, actually. How about you?”
“Since the last time we saw each other? Good, I suppose.”
“You suppose?”
“It’s all relative, isn’t it?”
“When is the last time we saw each other?” she wondered, sitting back in her chair and crossing her legs.
He looked down at the bar, obviously disappointed by the fact that she didn’t remember. “The day before our divorce went through.”
“That’s right,” she recalled, thinking of that dreadful day where he literally begged, on his hands and knees, for another chance. She never knew Justin to do anything of the sort. He didn’t beg or cry or even ask, half the time, for anything of anyone. But that day, she only saw a shell of the man she had married. No wonder she didn’t remember that day. She wanted to forget everything about it. “March twenty-second.”
“Worst day of my life.”
“I never wanted to hurt you, Justin. You know that.”
“I know that now,” he admitted quietly, watching his drink being served.
“Can I get you anything,” the bartender directed to Mila with a smile.
“She’ll have a Bellini with an extra shot of Schnapps.”
“Absolutely, sir.”
Mila watched in irritation as the server disappeared and he turned back to her. “Justin, you can’t do that.”
He looked at her curiously and then back at his own drink. “What, I can’t order you a drink?”
“No. Not anymore.”
“Oh come on, you know that’s what you wanted.”
“Your ego is unbelievable,” she shook her head.
“You can’t possibly be upset that I know you better than you know yourself.”
“Even if that were true…”
“I’m sorry,” he relented, his hands raised in defeat. “I guess I’m still stuck in the old days.”
“They’re over, Justin.”
“I’m slowly but surely getting that, Mi. Bear with me.”
She stared at him sorrowfully, unsure of how to say what she needed to say without causing a scene. He’d become so temperamental lately, she wasn’t sure whether her news would just bother him or end up breaking him. But she knew she had to tell him before he found it out from someone else.
He could see the anguish on her face, and he figured it best to just rip the band-aid off so that they could get on with the evening. “So why did you come over here?” he wondered quietly. “I know it wasn’t just to make small talk.” His dark blue eyes begged for mercy.
“I won’t sugarcoat it, Justin. I’m engaged.”
He swallowed hard and blinked several times as he digested her proclamation. “You’re engaged.”
She nodded. “To James.”
“Clearly.”
“I did want to be clear.”
He was silent for a long time, only staring down at his hands, rested on the bar top. He went through a series of questions in his head before eventually croaking one out. “Why?”
“Because I believe that I deserve to be happy,” she stated concisely, her big, bright eyes darting downward. “I did love you, Justin. And… some part of me probably always will. But I can’t pretend that I’m in mourning when I’m not. I’ve moved on.”
“How do you move on so quickly? Like it’s nothing?”
“You’re not really asking me this, are you?”
“No, I am. Because the ink has barely dried on the papers--.”
“That was two months ago, Jus.”
“It was only eight months ago that you decided you wanted a divorce. How are you engaged to someone else so fast?” he frowned. “I mean…we spent nine years together, Mi. You couldn’t possibly…”
“I fell in love with him,” she answered simply. That, she was clear on.
“In eight months, you managed to fall hard enough to be marrying someone else.”
She knew it sounded suspicious, as though just maybe her relationship had started before the divorce did. But no… “I know what I want when I want it,” she shrugged a bit coldly.
“Oh, but you’re so good, and everyone else is so bad,” he sarcastically painted a bitter picture of their divorce. “And now you’re engaged to James fuckin’ Franco. Then, to top it off, you tell me at our friends’ engagement party? Who does that?”
“Look, I didn’t come over here to start a fight,” she sighed shakily. “I just wanted to let you know.”
“Well thank you, Mila. I am up to speed on your life and I’ll put it on my To Do list.”
“Justin…”
“I am invited to the wedding, right?”
“There is no wedding.”
“You’re gonna elope? Again?” He and Mila’s wedding “ or lack thereof “ way back in 2002, was a quiet affair. So quiet, not even their parents had been invited or informed until after the nuptials had taken place. “I know you’re marrying a college student, but I’m pretty sure you can afford a wedding with all those Family Guy checks.”
She flashed a hint of a fake smile before her face went solemn again. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“No you’re not.”
“I am,” she insisted earnestly. “But like I said, I can’t sit around waiting for you to get your life in order so that I don’t feel bad about mine.”
“My life is fine.”
“You’re lonely. I know that. And I feel bad about that, even though I shouldn’t.”
“You should,” he retorted eagerly. “You left me.”
“Justin, you and I both know that you left me long before I walked out the door. So spare me the diatribe about how I ruined your life.” She got up, ignoring the fact that the Bellini she would’ve ordered was on its way. “I wanted to give you a heads up, so I did. That’s all I have.” She gently rubbed his head for a moment before leaving him to his drink.
At this point, uncomfortable was an understatement, to say the least.
Author's Notes:
So I just want to thank you all so very much for reading. I never know what to expect when starting a story, so I'm glad to know that you guys are still around!
And just so y'all know, my chapters are going to be a bit shorter than they typically are. I'm finding it's easier for me to write the shorter chapters, which should hopefully preempt those ridiculous hiatuses I am often guilty of lol. Anywho, let's keep it moving, yes?
two: meet nadia
After Mila left Justin to stew in his own misery, he ordered two more margaritas, just to make sure he didn’t feel anything else but a buzz. He’d found himself drinking more often as of late, which was to be expected, considering the circumstances, but that didn’t make it all right with those who loved him most.
The other guest of honor, Grant, had been friends with Justin for over a decade, and he liked to think he knew him pretty well. In that time, Justin had always been available, even when it was inconvenient, and that was one of the things they loved about him. He was there. But when he and Mila fell apart, it seemed that he stopped caring. He’d made himself so scarce over the past year, and when they did see him, he was never particularly chatty or jovial. He was obviously in pain. And Grant hated seeing this pitiful party at the bar take place, so he joined his friend for a drink.
“So we see you maybe twice a year, and you choose to spend your time here ignoring us.” The ever-so-dashing Grant Vener took the seat next to his buddy. “What gives?”
Justin offered a weak grin in Grant’s direction and immediately took another gulp of his drink. “I’m sorry, man. I’m just… not here tonight.”
“No shit.” He quickly ordered a beer before looking back to his friend. “What did she say?”
He glanced at his ringless left hand for a long moment before answering. He’d taken off his wedding band more than five months ago, but it still ached to look at the empty spot. “She’s engaged to Franco,” he revealed quietly.
“Seriously?” he frowned in disbelief. “Mila?”
“Unbelievable, right?”
“I mean, I knew they were dating, but that’s fast as shit.”
“Right. Like how the fuck do you spend ten years with me and then find yourself engaged to that motherfucker all of a sudden?”
Grant took a swig of his beer, staring at the contents of the bottle as he searched for an explanation. He hated to put this thought on the table, but he couldn’t have been the only one thinking it. “You think maybe she was with him before the divorce?”
“I dunno, dude. I hope not, but…”
“I guess you couldn’t exactly blame her if she did, though…” Grant received a look from Justin that said he had overstepped his boundaries, so he rephrased his words. “I-I mean things got complicated towards the end.”
“Did they?” he returned sarcastically.
“I’m sorry,” Grant relented. “This is obviously none of my business.”
“Everyone’s made it their business,” Justin shrugged. “Whatever.”
“You know it’s only because we care.”
Suddenly annoyed, Justin resorted to eating the ice that remained in his glass. “Enough about me, how are you feeling, man? This is a big shindig just to announce something we all already know.”
“Tell me about it,” he grinned, resembling a Disney prince in the process. “But you know, Kristin’s parents wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Levitt.”
“The Levitts,” Grant chuckled. “By the way, I hope you’re prepared to spend your summer at Kristin’s beck and call. She already has everyone planned to be back out here for the Fourth of July.”
“Of course she does.”
“That’s your friend.”
“And she’s gonna be your wife,” Justin reminded him jokingly. “When is the wedding anyway?”
“Labor Day weekend. She felt that was the last opportunity she would have to appropriately wear white in 2011.”
“She is a piece of work.” The two of them shook their heads, amused by her antics. But that was what made her so lovable, and they knew it. “Hey, at least you guys won’t be able to say you never see me.”
“Pretty sure we’ll be sick of you by the time the wedding gets here.”
“Are all these people in the wedding,” Justin gestured to the rest of the private room. It wasn’t a large space, but it was fairly full, and he wondered what made this particular group so special.
“Yep, pretty much,” Grant confirmed. “Aside from a significant other or two, everyone in here is in the wedding party.”
Justin nodded, glancing to his left just in time to catch the eye of what he assumed to be one of the bridesmaids. But she easily could have been a model for all he knew. They’d never been introduced, but he felt that he’d seen her face before “ it wasn’t one he’d easily forget. He discreetly leaned in to his friend to ask, “Grant, how do I know her?”
Ignoring Justin’s inconspicuousness, Grant immediately called her over. “Nadia, come here a sec.”
She turned to the two gentlemen with a seductive stare that automatically caused Justin to lick his lips. She was stunning “ brown skin so rich, it was like a plate of caramel or the perfect cup of coffee; her legs went on for days, and she wore just the right white shift dress to accentuate them and her slim fifure; and her big black curly ‘fro framed a slender face with an immaculate smile. She moved towards them, staring Justin down with her cat-like eyes. “Hi,” she greeted them.
“Hello.” Maybe it was the alcohol catching up to him, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of her fast enough.
Grant interrupted their little moment so that he could introduce them. “Nadia, I want you to meet Justin. He’s a good friend of me and Kristin’s,” he explained as if she hadn’t heard that several times in the four years she’d known the couple. “Justin, this is Nadia Maraj. She works on the show with Kris.”
“The radio show?” he wondered stupidly.
“That would be the one,” she smirked coolly.
“Kristin decided that you guys should walk down the aisle together,” Grant proclaimed proudly. “She wouldn’t even entertain any other option for you two.”
Justin coughed, baffled by the notion. The last thing he wanted to do was think about walking down the aisle with anyone. “I’m sorry, what?”
“For our wedding?” he appended. “I mean, you’re the tallest ones in the group, and obviously, unbelievably attractive, so it only made sense to her.”
Nadia smiled in Justin’s direction, amused that he would think anything otherwise. “I guess we’ll be spending some time together then.”
“Looks like it.”
In hopes that Justin would soon put Mila out of his mind, Grant decided to leave his buddy with the sultry stranger. If Nadia took his mind off of his ex for even a few minutes, it would be a step in the right direction, at least. “I’ll let you two get to know each other.”
Nadia took Grant’s seat and watched him leave before turning back to Justin. “So. It’s nice to finally meet you.”
“Me?” Justin wondered if he’d heard right. “I’ve been discussed?”
“Well I don’t know why that would be surprising. I’m sure you are often a subject of conversation.”
He shrugged. “Most of my friends hate to bring me up. It’s hard enough to weed out the bad ones as it is.”
“I guess that makes sense.” She received a Heineken from the bartender and took a sip, hoping to wash down some of her awkwardness. “So you and Kristin grew up together, I hear...”
“Yep,” he nodded. “Or we met in middle school. I was gone a lot by the time we were in high school, but we stayed in touch, obviously.”
She nodded. “That’s sweet.”
“And… what do you do at the show with Kristin? Are you a producer, too?”
“No, no, I’m one of the hosts, actually,” she grinned. She pointed to a brunette sitting a few seats away and added, “Me and Rachel right there, we’re the estrogen on the show.”
He chuckled lightly, not really having any response to that. “Well that’s cool. You’ve got your own morning show.”
“Well, me and three other people,” she laughed awkwardly.
“Right. Of course.” He choked down a couple of pretzels while she stared off into the rest of the party. “Do you like it?”
“My job? I love it,” she answered earnestly. “I work four hours a day, and I get to sit and talk to three people I truly adore.”
He realized as she spoke that he liked her voice. She had a crisp but soothing tone, and a Brooklyn accent that probably made most New Yorkers feel close to her. “Don’t you guys talk to listeners too?” He thought he’d heard Kristin say that more than once.
“Yeah, of course people call and weigh in on whatever. But even then, it’s the four of us, plus the caller.”
“Cool,” he returned evenly.
“So I guess you don’t listen to the show often,” she noted with a nervous laugh.
“I sound like a shitty friend, I guess.”
“No, I get it. Morning shows are not everyone’s cup of tea.”
“It’s not that at all, I just rarely wake up before ten,” he chuckled. “And if I am up, I’m usually not doing something that would allow me to listen to the radio.”
“That’s fair,” she nodded again. “That’s legit.”
“I’m an asshole,” he declared, wincing. “That’s awful, I know.”
“It’s fine.” She actually felt like the asshole, sitting there with nothing to say to him. She made a living talking to people all the time, and now she couldn’t even carry a conversation with a guy that basically did the same. “I have a confession,” she finally revealed when the silence was just about palpable.
“Okay…”
“I umm… I overheard your conversation with your… umm, your ex-wife? And I feel really bad, but it’s making me really self-conscious about talking to you.”
“Oh.” Justin was so embarrassed that he couldn’t do anything but smile. “Wow. I umm… Okay then.”
“I mean, I was hoping since you were talking to Grant, I could grab myself a drink without being noticed, but that clearly didn’t work, so now I’m just like… awkward as fuck right now, and I’m really sorry.”
“Oookay then.” He exhaled loudly and turned from Nadia back to his empty glass. He needed something stronger than a margarita, so he ordered a Captain & Coke and tried to figure out how to save what dignity he might have had left. “You know, you don’t have to sit here. I’m not on suicide watch or anything.”
“No, I know. And I’m not sitting here because I think you need babysitting…”
“Oh, then why are you sitting here?”
Her already narrow eyes turned almost to slits when she noted his tone. “Seriously?” She removed herself from the bar stool, prepared to storm off dramatically. She’d met her fair share of assholes in the New York dating scene, so she had no intentions of wasting minutes on another one just because he was famous.
But Justin knew he’d handled that the wrong way, so he called after her. “Wait.” When she continued walking, he said her name a little louder. “Nadia…”
She turned in response, already bored by whatever he was going to say. “What?”
“I’m sorry,” he surrendered his bad attitude. “As you know, I just got some bad news, and I wasn’t prepared to be my usual charming self in light of it.”
She almost laughed. Almost. “We don’t have to be friends to walk down the aisle together.”
“I know,” he nodded sadly. “But I would rather be.”
Nadia eyed him for a moment, attempting to gauge his sincerity. Instead, she just got lost in his gorgeous blue eyes, and eventually, the rest of his face. He was cute as hell, she thought, and much cuter in person than in pictures. She figured he probably was in a precarious state, and if she was being honest with herself, she didn’t much feel like spending the evening alone either. “Fine.”
“Come sit back down. I’ll buy you a drink.”
“It’s an open bar…”
“Obviously why it’s my treat,” he smiled.
This time she did laugh. A little, at least. "I have a better idea..."
"I'm listening." He was enchanted, in fact.
"Let's get outta here?"
He inwardly smiled at the idea until he glanced over to Mila, where she was literally and figuratively engaged with someone else, and it made his heart hurt.
"Tick tock, playboy," Nadia snapped hm out of his trance. "The boat will be leaving the dock soon."
The truth was, he wanted to get as far away from that room as possible. Away from all the significants and their others, with their engagements, and their rings, and their Hamptons, and their happily ever afters. He hated it all.
He wanted nothing more than to get back to the dirty, sexy city of New York, where he hopefully wouldn't have to do anything but Nadia that night. Forget everyone else. He held out his hand, signifying that she should lead the way. "After you."
fuck the pain away by Ashley
Author's Notes:
I've been looking at this chapter for like a week now, trying to make myself like it, but I just don't lol. Still, it's necessary, along with the next couple that will probably be boring lol. I apologize!
three: fuck the pain away
Lay where you’re laying, don’t make a sound
I know they’re watching, they’re watching
All the commotion and kiddie-like play
Has people talking, talking
Justin and Nadia disappeared from the engagement party before most people had time to notice that they’d even met. Kristin was obviously disappointed to find that her best bud was gone as quickly as he’d come.
“Grant, honey?” she approached her future husband, where he was laughing with his sister and her boyfriend.
He excused himself and gave his undivided to his fiancée. “Yes, dear.”
“Where did Justin go?”
“I… am not sure,” he realized, turning back to where he left Justin and Nadia at the bar. Their seats were empty, but their drinks remained. “That’s weird.”
“He’s not in the bathroom,” she assured him. “I checked.”
“You’re a stalker,” he told her seriously.
“Grant,” she punched him in the arm. “You let him leave!”
“I did not!”
“You know he never comes to see us, and the one time he does, you let him get away!”
“I think he just wasn’t in the mood to hang out tonight, Kris.”
“Yes, he was. He said he was fine!”
He draped his arm around her neck and placed a reassuring kiss on her temple. “Trust me.”
“Grant Thomas Vener, what do you know?”
“So much,” he grinned expressively. “I’ll tell you after everyone leaves.”
“You know I hate when you know things before me!”
“Can you just enjoy the party, babe? Please?”
“Ugh, fine,” she sighed, peering into the rest of the party, making sure she hadn’t lost anyone else along the way. “And where the hell is Nadia? The boat is about to leave and everyone is MIA.”
Grant was particularly proud of his matchmaking prowess, so he decided let Kristin in on that secret. “Hey, maybe she’s with Justin.”
“Yeah right,” Kristin scoffed. “And then pigs flew.”
“Why is that so unfathomable?”
“Nadia? And Justin?” She couldn’t contain a giggle at the thought. “Let’s just say he’s not exactly her type.”
“She seemed cool,” he pressed, confused by her statement. “What, she doesn’t like white guys?”
“Ummm…” Kristin frowned, unsure of how to clear up his confusion without saying too much. “I’ll tell you after everyone leaves.”
“Solid,” he chuckled at her response. “Fair enough.”
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Justin managed to convince Nadia that it was a good idea to make the long trek back to the city sooner rather than later, so with the help of his driver, they took a torturous two-hour drive in mostly silence, full of an awkward, drunken sexual tension. By the time they hit Park Avenue, they were nearly on top of each other. As soon as they hit his apartment, it was on.
Somewhere along the way to Manhattan, he decided that Nadia gave good blow jobs, and he was right. But the sex was even better. He had hardly been a monk since the divorce proceedings had begun, but it had also been a long time since he’d had good sex. Years, if he was being honest. He and Mila had a healthy sex life, sure, but as their time together expanded, the time they took to satisfy one another seemed to dwindle. The kind of sex that made your toes curl and profanities escape your lips had been a foreign concept to him until that night with Nadia.
His bedroom felt hot, especially for midnight, and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Her nails dug into his strong back as he went inside her, their bodies stuck together by sweat and splendor. His big, beautiful hands held onto her face and neck, making him appear to be the dominant one in the situation, when really, he was at her mercy.
Nadia’s mouth hung open as she gasped for air, and she was so tired, but wanted nothing more than to keep going. It had been so long since she’d been with a guy, she’d almost forgotten how damn good it felt. She loved the feeling of his thumb across her bottom lip, his breath against her neck, his taut chest against her breasts. He fit so perfectly, and he moved so well, she would have gone all night if he wanted to. This was true ecstasy.
Soft lips are open, your knuckles are pale
Feels like you’re dying, you’re dying
But alas, nothing lasts forever, and her eyes began to roll to the back of her head as she whimpered variations of “Oh, god,” and then fell back into his sheets, completely spent.
As Justin’s toes uncurled and his color returned to normal, he untangled himself from her endless legs and fell to the opposite end of his California king with a sigh. “Hey, what was your name again?”
Her giggle filled the room while her smile lit it up before she responded. “After that, it is whatever you want it to be, honey.”
He smiled genuinely as he pulled himself up effortlessly to look at her. “You have great breasts.”
She sat up herself and looked down at her perky B-cups carefully. “You think so?”
“I do.”
“I wish they were bigger.”
“No, they’re perfect.”
“They’re okay.”
“Trust me.”
She shrugged, still not satisfied, but figured there was no reason to argue with a stranger over her boobs. Instead, she complimented him as well. “You have a nice ass. For a guy.”
“It’s pretty nonexistent…”
“Well… for a white guy,” she appended. “Definitely one of the nicer ones I’ve seen.”
“You fuck a lot of white guys?”
“That’s none of your business, Timberlake.”
He squinted at the way she said his name. “I hate when people last name me.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know,” he yawned. “It’s such a weird, unsexy name. I just feel like only people who don’t know me use it.”
“Well if we’re being honest, I don’t really know you.”
“You know where I live and you’ve seen me naked. You know enough.”
“If only that’s all it took to know someone,” she sighed.
”Don’t you sound contrite.”
She smiled ruefully. The sweat on her face made her glisten and glow. “Let’s just say you’re not the first person up my skirt after sharing all of ten sentences between us.”
“I see.”
“And the getting to know each other afterwards typically doesn’t go well…”
“I see,” he repeated, a little quieter this time.
“Sorry if that came off bitchy.” She realized he had been instantly deflated. “I’m a bitch, usually.”
“You? No way,” he joked sarcastically, noting that their first exchange wasn’t entirely friendly. “Why did you wanna leave the party anyway?”
“Not my scene,” she shrugged. “I love Kristin and Grant, but the whole rich white people in the Hamptons deal, I couldn’t figure out what the fuck I had gotten myself into.”
“Yet, here you are with a rich white person you met in the Hamptons.”
She shook her head, dismissing his description. “You have an edge. There’s a darkness to you, I can tell. You’re just trying to keep it at bay right now. For whatever reason.”
He didn’t know how to respond to that. He hadn’t realized it before then, but that was so true. It had been true for years, in fact. As he and Mila fell apart, it seemed that his light had dimmed. But that didn’t make it any easier to admit. “…What makes you say that?”
“I’ve seen a lot of people in pain. And even worse, I’ve seen a lot of people try to hide their pain. I know what it looks like.”
“This is too deep for pillow talk,” he sighed, falling back into his sheets. “How did we get here?”
“We left a party we weren’t supposed to leave because I figured going home with you sounded better than going home alone.”
“Something tells me even if you hadn’t come with me, you wouldn’t have been going home alone.”
“Very funny.” If her face weren’t brown, it would have turned bright pink.
“Men must approach you every single day…”
“I’m on the subway at least an hour and a half daily, and it is the most irritating part of my day,” she confirmed. “But that’s why it's been so long since I've fucked with anyone. My bullshit meter is extra sensitive.”
“That makes sense.”
“So I apologize if I was curt.” She offered a soft smile and he nearly melted.
“Hey, you still came home with me, what do I care?”
“God, you’re just so charming,” she rolled her eyes. “I don’t know how women aren’t beating down your door.”
“Hey, I never claimed to be a nice guy.”
“Obviously!” She stretched her legs out so that they crossed his, beginning a game of footsie with him. “For future references, if you want to instantly pique a girl’s interest, just compliment something she’s wearing. Her shoes, her earrings, her outfit.”
“Won’t she just think I’m gay?”
“You’re stupid,” she laughed earnestly. “But not if you did it correctly “ and any man that orders rum and Coke has the sophistication to pull this off “ so she’ll just think you’re a man that knows a bad bitch when he sees one.”
“Well obviously. I noticed you, didn’t I?”
She climbed across the bed so that she was kneeling next to him. “Did you?”
“I did,” he nodded sleepily.
“Because it felt like Grant did most of the work...”
“That’s only because he knows what I like.”
She grinned, amused by his cool. She saw why Kristin liked him so much, he was actually pretty captivating when he wasn’t being moody and rude. The two of them gazed at one another for maybe a minute, but to sit there naked, staring into the eyes of a stranger, it felt more like an hour. Finally, Nadia broke the silence. “So are you feeling better now?”
“Better?”
“Than you were earlier. I know you had a bomb or two dropped on you at the party.”
“God, you know too much,” he smirked. “But yeah, I actually do feel a little better, thanks to you, I guess.”
“Did you know she was going to be there?”
“We’re not going to talk about this,” he countered stoically, watching as his phone began to light up from across the room. “You don’t get to pry just because you’re a good fuck.” And there it was, the light had instantly disappeared.
Her eyebrows raised in surprise. “And people call me cold.”
“You were pretty hot to me a few minutes ago.”
“Ha ha.” She removed herself from his bed and walked over to the window, leaving him with his own view to admire. “Park Avenue,” she sighed wistfully, examining the street fifteen floors below. “Must be nice.”
“It doesn’t suck.”
“I feel like I should take this opportunity to ask you some profound shit about the world, or success, or… something, but I really just wanna fuck you again.”
You, your sex is on fire
Consumed with what’s to transpire
His smile widened into a chuckle and he welcomed her request. “Who am I to deny the people what they want.”
She walked back over to him and was straddling him before he knew it. “Not to get all business-like, but the people want an album, I’m pretty sure.”
“Yeah… let’s not talk about that either.”
“No?”
He only shook his head and motioned to kiss her.
Hot as a fever, rattling bones
I can just taste it, taste it
The next morning, Nadia was up bright and early, moving throughout Justin’s gorgeously luxe apartment to gather her things and get out of there. A part of her didn’t want to actually leave, but she had an event to attend in Jersey, and she still had to go home, shower, and make it across the river by 10:00, all using public transportation.
Not wanting to disturb him, she left a short note on his kitchen counter, hoping that it didn’t seem as rude and hooker-ish as it sounded in her head. But she really did have to go.
This was fun, right? Call me if you want. 347-623-5262.
-Nadia
If it’s not forever, if it’s just tonight
Oh it’s still the greatest
The greatest, greatest
Author's Notes:
I'm back! I really have to get used to these shorter chapters, because I feel like it's moving super slow lol. But! I've got most of the story done, so I really will do my best to update a few times a week. Thanks so much for reading, you guys.
four: ignore
It was nearly 7:30 AM, and four radio DJs sat in a small encasement, filled with electronics “ soundboards and computers and microphones, to name a few “ regaling the city of New York with entertainment news, discussions on current events, and most often, details of their personal lives. It was called The Cameron Crew, named for its main host, Jeff Cameron, and his band of misfits “ Rachel de Santis, Caleb Shaffer, and Nadia Maraj. They were an interesting group, but a much calmer contrast to most morning shows. They didn’t do a bunch of crazy pranks, or sound like they were wired on caffeine and coke, they didn’t even play music for most of their time on air. It was just four people, with four mics, talking it out.
Every couple of days, the hosts would submit lists with topics to discuss in the event of downtime. Today, it was Nadia’s turn. “So Nadia, I’m hearing you have a dilemma on your hands,” Jeff read from her sheet of topics. He glanced at her from across the room. “Is now a good time?”
She studied the clock for a moment, deciding that all parties involved were most likely not listening at this particular hour. “Now is a good time.”
“All right, let’s roll,” Jeff encouraged her. “And this ‘dilemma’ is not unlike one that many of our listeners probably encounter, right?”
“It is not uncommon,” she confirmed. She glanced at the other two DJs in the room, knowing they usually chimed in before a story began. But now, they were all ears. “Okay, so I met this guy about two weeks ago.”
“Over Memorial Day weekend, right?” the other female host, Rachel, asked.
“Right. And… I’m not even gonna lie, we hooked up the first night.”
“Nastay!” Jeff chimed in jokingly. “Okay.”
“Now is this a Hamptons boy? Like a kind of rich, snobby kid?” Rachel wondered. She had attended the party, and had a pretty good idea of exactly what went down, but she was just enriching the story with her line of questioning.
“Well not a kid. I don’t mess with boys,” Nadia laughed. “But rich, yeah, super stylish and kind of hoity toity, I guess.”
“So not your type at all.”
“Exactly. Like, anyone that knows me knows I like ‘em to have a little flavor, not so vanilla, not so clean cut.”
“You like hoodlums,” the fourth cohost, Caleb, finally inserted himself into the conversation. “We know.”
“Shut up,” she chuckled into her mic. “But yeah, this guy was not someone I would usually give a second glance to.”
“But you gave him more than that,” Jeff suggestively commented. “No shame in your game.”
“None whatsoever, apparently,” she laughed. “But the problem is, I left early early the morning after “ you guys know I have things to do. And all right, so Saturday night was cool enough, I decided to leave him my number on the kitchen counter and… it’s now June thirteenth and this guy hasn’t called!”
“What?” Rachel squeaked. “Who wouldn’t call you?”
“I know, right?!”
“So he’s a douche,” Caleb noted factually. “That’s not a dilemma, Nadia.”
“No, it is, because it is inevitable that I will see him again. And I’m just wondering how I handle this.”
Jeff began to give out the phone number to the show so that listeners could call in and weigh in on the situation, as they tended to do. He also offered his own two cents, “I think you have to just, like, when you see him, get it out in the open, y’know? Almost jokingly, like, ‘Sorry I missed your calls, man.’”
“You think so?”
“That’s what I would do.”
“And it’s not like I really care that he didn’t call. I mean, I do, but I wasn’t, like, waiting by the phone or anything. I just kind of thought about it one day like, ‘Hey! That… so-and-so never called me.’”
“I don’t know if I would do that, though,” Rachel disagreed with Jeff. “I would just ask him, point blank.”
“You would?”
“Why not? Why beat around the bush. The New York dating scene is hard enough without having to add playing games to the equation.”
“You’re right about that,” Nadia agreed. “I just don’t want him to think I was, like, waiting by the phone. Like my life has been altered by the fact that he didn’t call or something. Because no.”
“Well he’s gonna think that no matter how you bring it up,” Caleb reasoned cynically. “Guys, by nature, just have unbelievable egos. And if he’s from The Hamptons, you should multiply that by ten.”
“By twenty,” Rachel injected.
"He's not actually from the Hamptons, by the way, but let's go with that anyway," she agreed.
“Right. So if you bring it up, you just have to keep in mind that this guy is going to think you’ve already cried over him at least three times.”
Nadia could only chuckle at the thought of crying over Justin Timberlake, but took Caleb’s advice to heart. “So you think I shouldn’t say anything.”
“Say nothing.”
“And Nadia, we know how hard it is for you to say nothing,” Jeff joked, “but just this once. For your own good.”
“Ha ha,” she rolled her eyes, but laughed when she realized how right he was. “Seriously, that will be very hard for me.”
“Just talk about the weather,” Caleb appended. “Or sports. Or nothing at all. Why, exactly, do you have to see this guy again?”
“Ummm… we might be in a wedding together,” she winced at the ridiculousness of it all.
“Producer Kristin’s wedding?” Jeff exclaimed. “Oh man, this just got interesting.”
“I don’t know if I should have said that,” she chuckled.
“Can we all try and guess who it is?”
“No! And there are like fourteen people in the wedding, so let’s not go down that road.”
“I know who it is,” Rachel smiled evilly. But she was close with Nadia, and certainly wasn’t going to spill the beans on air.
“No you don’t,” Caleb dismissed her. “You just wanna sound important because you were there.”
She flipped the bird at him, thankful that no one could see them. “Your secret is safe with me,” she assured Nadia. “Also, nice work.”
“Well it must not have been that nice,” Jeff laughed. And then he took a call. “Nadia, we have someone on the line for you. This is… Audrey. Hi, Audrey.”
“Good morning, Jeff. Good morning, everyone. Love the show,” the caller greeted them.
“Hi, Audrey,” the rest of them cheerfully retorted.
“Audrey, what’s up?”
“Well I just wanted to ask Nadia, why didn’t you call him? Did you get his number?”
“Nadia, you got his number?” Jeff glanced at her.
“I didn’t get his number! I was in a rush, and like I said, I left before he even woke up, I just left my number on his kitchen counter.”
“Right before you did your walk of shame,” Caleb recalled for her.
“Correct,” she rolled her eyes playfully. “So I didn’t get his number.”
“And is it possible that he just didn’t see that you left it?” Rachel wondered. “Like, was it in plain view?”
“I mean, unless he doesn’t use his kitchen ever, I can’t imagine he didn’t see it.”
“Well for a rich boy, that is totally possible…”
“True.”
“Yeah,” Caleb agreed hesitantly, “but if a guy wants to see a girl again, he will find a way to get in contact with her.”
“Even a douche like this guy?”
“Especially a douche like this guy.”
“And we all know that Caleb is an expert in douchebaggery,” Jeff chuckled. “Hey Audrey, thanks for your call.”
“You guys have a good day.”
“You, too.”
“Yo, that didn’t help me at all,” Nadia smiled as she adjusted her headphones. “Because I’m gonna see this dude again in like a week and I don’t know whether I’m supposed to act normal, be a bitch, act like nothing ever happened. You guys really need to help me here!”
“You guys, I think Nadia is freakin’ out,” Caleb astutely observed. “In her four years on this show, I think this is the first time I’ve seen her freak out.”
“I’m not freaking out!”
“Okay, except you kind of are…”
“Am I?”
“You seem a little bit pressed,” Rachel agreed. “Which is normal for us girls; it’s just not the Nadia that we know and love.”
“Oh, like you guys know me so well.”
“Well we spend twenty hours a week doing nothing but talking,” Jeff reminded her coolly. “I think we know you pretty well.”
“Can we go to commercial? I’m getting depressed,” she chuckled. “I don’t know what’s happening to me.”
“Your Hamptons Honey hit it and quit it is what happened.”
“Jeff!”
“I’m just sayin’,” he laughed with the other two. “But yeah, we’ll go to commercial, and when we come back, we’ll take a few more calls.”
As they broke for commercials, Kristin knocked on the window to the studio in an attempt to get Nadia’s attention. Nadia removed her headphones and scurried out the door to where her friend stood.
“You’re not mad at me are you?”
“For sleeping with Justin and then talking about it on air? No, of course not,” she answered sarcastically. “I especially like the part where you told me about it first.”
“Kris…”
“No, it’s cool,” her expression softened to a chuckle. “I’m sorry he hasn’t called.”
Nadia shrugged, looking back into the studio where her coworkers were drinking coffee and undoubtedly checking Twitter and Facebook. “No big deal. Something to talk about.”
“I can pair you up with someone else for the wedding if it’ll help.”
“I’m chillin’,” she promised her friend-slash-boss. “In fact, I’d rather keep things the way they are. Make him squirm a little.”
“I like the way you think,” Kristin grinned. “By the way, I did not call you out for that reason. Your friend Alex is actually here.”
Nadia’s narrow eyes widened at the mention of the name. “She’s here? Like in the building?”
“Like at your desk,” Kristin nodded. “Should I have told her to go?”
“Fuck me,” she sighed in exasperation. She had been avoiding Alejandra’s calls for days now, so really, it was inevitable that she would get caught soon. “Umm… Okay. I don’t have time for this right now, tell her I’ll call her?”
“I’m not your secretary, but okay.”
“You da best, mama!” Nadia hurried back into the studio just in time for their return from the break. “What’d I miss?”
“Nada,” Rachel replied breezily as she scrolled through her emails. “Oh, except people on Twitter calling you a slut.”
“Oh, well what else is new.” She was about to reclaim her equipment when she noticed Alex storming down the hallway with Kristin in tow. This was not a good sign. “What the fuck,” she mumbled at the scene unfolding. “You guys start without me.”
Jeff looked up from his countdown clock, confused as to how he was going to do a segment about Nadia without Nadia. “Where are you going?”
“I have business to handle. Have Rachel do the Entertainment buzz or something.”
“It’s not eight o’clock yet,” he called after her.
Ignoring him, she found herself back in the hallway, where it appeared that Alejandra was verbally assaulting Kristin. “Alex, what are you doing here?”
“What the fuck is going on,” she demanded from Nadia, crossing her arms over her chest. “Why won’t you answer my calls?”
“I’ve just been really busy,” she lied, sounding dangerously similar to the guy that doesn’t call after the first date. “I’m sorry.”
“Nadia, you are un-fucking-believable!” her Bronx accent echoed throughout the corridor.
“Please keep your voice down.”
“You’re such a cunt,” she shook her head. “I know I should probably take your silence as a no, but my back is against the wall, and I need an actual answer.”
“Do you really want to live with me?” That was her go-to answer whenever Alex brought up the subject of moving in together. “I mean Brooklyn is so far from your mom… It’s far from the hospital…”
“You get here from Brooklyn everyday…”
“And I hate it.”
“Well I don’t really have much of a choice now, it’s either move in with you or find a new spot.”
Nadia’s perfectly arched eyebrows furrowed at her statement. “You gave up your apartment? Why the fuck would you do that?”
“I had a very small window of time to renew my lease or give it up, and stupid ass me thought that you would actually answer me within that time frame. But that ship has sailed, so… what’s it gonna be?”
Fuck me was all Nadia could think. She didn’t want to be heartless, but she really didn’t want to live with Alex. Or anyone. She enjoyed her time alone. Her space to do her own thing. She did not want to have to answer to anyone about anything, and most certainly not some nagging, overly expressive roommate. “Alex…”
“At least say the words if you’re gonna say no.”
“I’m not trying to say no. It’s just…”
“I don’t even understand what the big fuckin’ deal is. You work early mornings, I work late nights. We won’t even have the chance to get in each other’s way.”
“It’s not you,” Nadia promised. “It’s me. I like my space.”
“You have plenty of space!”
“It’s New York! No one has plenty of space!”
“Ha, ha fuckin’ ha.” Alex shoved her hands into the pockets of her scrubs while her gray eyes searched Nadia for the smallest shred of empathy or even truth. “I need you to be honest with me right now.”
“I don’t know what to say, chica. I don’t wanna be a bitch, but… I’m really not feeling this.”
Alex’s vanilla face immediately turned a pink shade and a tear threatened to roll down her cheek, but she had no choice but to accept her decision. “Okay then.”
“Alex…”
“It’s cool,” she rested her arm over her short jet black hair while she tried to think of what to do. “Umm… all right then.”
“I mean, if you wanna keep some of your stuff at my place for a while. Or if you need a place to stay until you find a new apartment…”
Alejandra nodded, but didn’t accept or decline. She just hoisted her messenger bag onto her shoulder and began to head towards the elevators. “You should get back to your show.”
“Alex...”
“I’ll call you.”
Watching her friend disappear, Nadia sighed, exasperated. The last thing she needed was another reason to wait by the phone.
five: zero to sixty
“So I’m thinking about going back to blonde for the wedding,” Kristin announced to her buddy, Mila, over a lovely lunch in the city. Over the course of Mila and Justin’s marriage, the two women had become fairly close, as Kristin wouldn’t have had it any other way. For ten years, they tried to make it a habit of spending time together whenever Mila was in town, and vice versa. And neither one of them wanted to fall out of touch due to petty things like divorce and whatnot, so they kept that pact in tact. “What do you think?”
“I think we’re all used to you as a redhead now,” Mila diplomatically replied. “And you want to look like yourself on your wedding day…”
“Oh trust me honey, with all the makeup and Spanx going on that day, I won’t look like myself anyway.”
Mila laughed, but corrected her, “That just enables you to be your best version of yourself.”
“Tomato, tomahto,” Kristin waved off with a grin. “But if you think I should stay red, I will.”
“I think you should. I’ve waned to do a different color for years now, but I think I would scare everyone if I went blonde or red.”
“I can’t imagine you with any other color,” she agreed.
“So… there goes that dream.”
“I also couldn’t imagine you with anyone but Justin, and now here you are, engaged to Jimmy.”
Mila sighed only slightly, wary of where this conversation might lead. Kristin was obviously Justin’s biggest fan, so she hated to go down a road with her that included his name. “Things change.”
“That, they do.” She took a quick sip of her glass of merlot, staring at her gorgeous friend in the process. “I still get sad about you guys.”
“You shouldn’t,” Mila smirked. “We had a great time together, but… it was over.”
“It scares me that people can be so in love one day and then so out of love the next.”
“It didn’t happen in one day,” she promised her. “And me and Justin were not you and Grant. We were so freaking young when we got married. We barely knew each other.” She shook her head sadly, because sometimes, truthfully, she did miss those old days. “We were too young to realize that you have to work at staying in love. You guys will be fine.”
“I hope so. I want to believe we will be, but everywhere you turn, people are breaking up and divorcing and just not happy. I don’t want to be that couple.”
Mila rested her hand over Kristin’s trembling one, hating that she might have helped ruin her idea of a happy ending. “You won’t be.”
“I always thought you two were so happy.”
“We were,” she nodded emphatically. “For a while, we were.”
August 2004…
“So listen up, everyone.” Justin was clinking his champagne glass with a fork, trying to get everyone’s attention, because he had something to say, and he wanted everyone in the building to hear it. “Now I know this is cheesy as fuck, and if anyone knows Mila, they know she doesn’t do cheesy, but I have to say this…”
“Oh god,” Mila was grinning wildly at her husband as he commenced to embarrassing her in front of friends and strangers alike. “Make it fast, baby.”
“You know I don’t do anything fast, babe.”
“Get the fuck on with it!” one of their friends shouted at him.
“Shut the fuck up,” Justin pointed back to the friend with a smile. “Anyway. Umm, we are all gathered here today in Las Vegas, which, yes, is incredibly clichéd and unoriginal, but nonetheless, awesome. And we are here to celebrate my beautiful wife’s twenty-first birthday.” As the patrons cheered in unison, he smiled down at Mila and raised his glass. “So we’re not gonna talk about how it is hot as FUCK out here in the desert in August. And we’re not gonna talk about how she’s been drinking like a fish for, what, like eight years now?”
“Roughly,” she laughed.
“And umm, we most certainly won’t talk about how this year has been rough as shit for me, and I don’t know how I would have gotten through it without her. I love you, by the way…”
“I love you, too, baby!”
“What I do want to say is that I am so fucking honored to be your husband. We’ve been together, what, three years now? And to be able to go through life with you guiding me and showing me shit through those big blue and green eyes. I don’t know how I managed to be the luckiest fucking dude in the world. To be honest, I still pinch myself every now and then, because I haven’t quite figured out why you said yes to marrying me,” he chuckled. “But umm, here we are, and um… I love the shit out of you, kid. Please don’t ever, ever, ever forget that, because it will never, never, never change.”
Mila wasn’t one to show emotion at all if she could help it, but his words touched her, and she rested her hand over her heart to let him know she felt the same way. “I love you,” she silently told him.
“So. Here’s to my beautiful Milena. Happy birthday.”
She raised her hands over her head to applaud his toast, grinning from ear to ear as he stepped off of his pedestal to kiss her. “You’re a dork,” she welcomed him into her embrace. “And I hope you stay that way forever.”
“I will stay that way forever as long as you stay with me forever.”
“Well. That’s the plan.”
Back then, neither of them realized that plans would change. Drastically.
“So,” Kristin sighed, seeing that Mila’s thoughts had left their table, “word on the street is that Justin hooked up with one of my other bridesmaids.”
Mila found herself glaring at her friend and her news, so she quickly regained her composure and lightened up. “How about that.”
“I almost can’t believe him.”
“I don’t know why. That sounds exactly like something he would do.”
“Oh hush, Mi. I have never known him to be so cavalier with strangers.”
“Yeah, well…” She delved into her Greek salad, trying to think of all the other bridesmaids and figure which one would have been her ex-husband’s type. She couldn’t picture any of them with Justin. “You’re sure about this?”
“Pretty sure,” Kristin nodded, searching Mila’s face for some shade of green. “I haven’t had the chance to talk to him, but no one would lie about that, right?”
“You’d be surprised what people would lie about, Kiki.”
“Fair enough.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t put anything past Justin, but I also know him fairly well, and I just can’t imagine him taking a keen interest in Erin or Lexi,” she chuckled.
“Well. It was the night you told him you were engaged, so I don’t think he was exactly searching for a soul mate or anything.”
“The night of the engagement party?”
Kristin nodded in confirmation. “Did you ever meet Nadia?”
“She’s the one from the show, right? The black chick that looks like a fuckin’ model?”
“That would be her.”
Mila threw her fork down. “What the fuck, are you kidding me?”
“I shit you not.”
“Kristin, how could you let this happen?” she was almost shouting. “What the fuck does she even want with him?”
“Holy cow, Mila. Calm down!”
“I’m calm. I’m just… confused.”
“You’re confused that your ex husband has moved on? Or that Justin Timberlake can pull a chick that looks like a model? Either way, I’m confused by your confusion.”
“This is not funny, bitch.”
“I know! This is what I’m trying to tell you, kid. This is where we are now.”
“So… what. Are they like a ‘thing’ now? Now I get to be in a wedding with the happy fucking couple? Because I’ll tell you right now, Kris, I’m not gonna do it. I’m not gonna sit around watching them flirt with each other every other weekend for the next two months. I won’t do it!”
“You really gotta calm down, honey. This is not a good look for you.”
“This whole thing just doesn’t feel good. It feels like shit, actually.”
“Well would it make you feel better if I told you he didn’t call her afterwards? Would that calm your crazy ass down?”
“Actually,” Mila inhaled sharply and took a sip of her Pinot, “it does.” She exhaled and was almost smiling again. “Why didn’t you say that in the first place.”
“Wow.”
“Wow what?”
“Just… wow.”
“Don’t act like I’m crazy. I’m not crazy.”
“I didn’t say you were,” Kristin smirked, sitting back in her seat. “But you did go from zero to sixty, back to zero based on a few very small pieces of information, so…”
“I know. I did step into psycho a little bit, but can you blame me? He was my husband,” she lamented over their past. “And your friend is not some average old ‘You have a face for radio’ kinda chick. Shit threw me off.”
“Understood.”
“I don’t want him back.”
“I didn’t say you did!”
“But you’re looking at me like you know some secret about me, so just put it out of your head.”
“I’m not saying anything.”
“I hate you,” Mila shook her head. “I hate you so much.”
“I still didn’t say anything!”
“I’m marrying James. I’m in love with him.”
“Just so you know, the more you talk, the more you convince me of the opposite of what you’re saying.”
“I know.” She downed what was left of her wine and looked up to the ceiling of the swanky restaurant. “Fuck.”
“It’s okay if you still love him.”
“I do,” she accepted with a slow nod. “And I’m sure some part of me always will, but whatever I was feeling a few minutes ago? That was not okay.”
“Come now, Mila. Despite your otherworldly beauty, you are only human.”
“I don’t wanna be,” she pouted. “And shut up.”
“But seriously. It’s nice to know that you still care.”
“Mmm.” She frowned at the notion. “I’m not so sure it is nice to know that.”
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Later that day, Mila found herself laid across her couch, laptop powered up, trying to come up with a speech for Grant and Kristin's reception. Despite it being two months away, Kristin's words at lunch had stayed with her, and she found herself suddenly inspired. She had come up with a spiel much too long for a bridesmaid, and knew it needed to be edited down, so she was relieved when James came bustling into the apartment.
“You are right on time,” she greeted him with a smile, not looking up from her work. “Sit.”
His childlike grin lit up the whole room when he laid eyes on his future bride. “Dobriy vecher, Milena.” He often greeted her in her native tongue of Russian, and used her full name, sounding much like her dad and brother. He planted a kiss on her lips before planting himself on the couch across from her. “What am I right on time for?”
“How was your day?” she ignored him to make sure and ask.
“It was good, I think. I don't remember it.”
“That's because you work too much.”
“No such thing. What did you do today?”
“Went to the gym, had lunch with Kiki. I have a photoshoot tomorrow,” she stuck her tongue out and finally looked at him. “Babe, you look like shit.”
“Well that's honest.”
“Seriously, Jimmy. You look like you haven't slept in four days.”
“I slept!”
“For how long?”
“A couple of hours.” She stared at him, waiting for the accurate answer. “Or an hour.”
“James!”
“I'll sleep when I'm dead,” he chuckled.
“You're gonna be dead soon if you don't slow down,” she advised seriously.
He waved her off dismissively. “What are you doing?”
“Writing my toast for the wedding,” she went back to frowning at her screen. “And it's way too long. Read it and tell me what to cut out.” She gave him her Mac and headed for the kitchen to start on dinner. “I'm making fajitas and grilled corn, but there’s pasta salad if you’re hungry now.”
“I’m good.” He started in on reading her speech, but as a self-proclaimed excellent multitasker, he continued his conversation with her. “How was lunch, babe?”
“It was… good,” she eventually decided after running through the entire thing in her head. “Kristin gave me some interesting information about my previous situation.” That was how she and James referred to Justin and/or their marriage “ a previous situation.
“Is it actually interesting, or girly interesting?”
“Shut the fuck up,” she pouted, locating her paprika and garlic, along with bowls and knives. “It’s girly interesting, but that doesn’t preclude you from caring.”
“I feel like this toast is a little bit too much about yourself…”
“I was thinking that, but I didn’t know how to stop myself! I was trying to be kind of, like, quirky with it.”
“You’ve been trying to do quirky ever since you saw (500) Days of Summer, and you’ve failed miserably. Just… do Mila.”
“Ugh, but Mila is so boring.”
“That’s not true in the least,” he was smiling, still reading. “And I’m not sure you should say you were married to a douchebag.”
“But I was.”
“Yeah… but Kristin likes him, and he’ll be there… It would be awkward.”
She sighed. “This is why I need you, baby.”
“Obviously.”
“Well just delete all that stuff then.”
He brought the computer to the kitchen counter so he could hear over running water and watch his fiancée cook. “I like the advice portion,” he continued. “Especially the part where you say there's a certain point where you have to know when to give up and have a margarita."
"It's the truth."
He continued typing and deleting and rewording things for her as she began to actually make margaritas. "You say a lot about your previous situation, actually. I think this is less of a speech and more of you just venting."
"That's probably true," she admitted with a shrug. "Can you get me the ice."
Obliging, he hopped up from his stool and grabbed glasses as well. But he had to know... "Mila. This is... this has been a weird, twisty, fucked up road for you. And it all moved kind of fast, so I mean, I get it," he began to explain as he passed her the ice trays. "But I just really need you to tell me now, are you one hundred percent over this?"
"I need you to stop asking me that."
"I would if I felt like you were being honest with me."
At this point, she had begun to slice limes, and it seemed that her chops were getting louder and louder with every second. "Well obviously you think I'm lying, so it appears you already have your answer."
"Babe," he smiled, trying to maintain an even tone. "I'm trying to have an honest conversation, you can save the sarcasm."
She stopped moving all together and looked him in the eye. "I'm sick of people acting like I can't have a reaction to him without being in love with him. I left him for a reason, and it wasn't you, and it sure as hell wasn't because I was too goddamn in love with him. I was over it then, and I'm over it even more now. I guarantee you, I am one hundred, thousand, million percent over Justin Timberlake. Okay?"
Her outburst wasn't doing anything for her case, but he was too tired to argue over something he couldn't prove one way or the other. He went back to reading. "Okay."
"Okay." But she knew that the only person she was truly convincing of this was herself. And she wasn't even doing a good job of that.
let's be honest by Ashley
six: let’s be honest
His phone had been vibrating relentlessly against his nightstand for what felt like an hour. And while it was only ten minutes in actuality, it was still quite a long time to hear that annoying buzz, so he finally rolled to the other side of his bed to pick it up.
“Hello,” he answered groggily.
“Justin?” It was Kristin.
“Yeah?”
“Are you up?”
“No,” he croaked out. “What time is it?”
“It’s like nine thirty. Sorry to wake you.”
“Is everything all right?” he frowned at the sunlight creeping into his bedroom.
“Everything’s fine. We’re still going to see you this weekend, right?”
“Yeah, of course.” He found himself sniffling as he finally sat up in his bed. “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t skip town on you guys.”
“That’s comforting,” she chuckled to herself. “But listen, two things…”
“I’m listening.”
“First thing, I would really, really appreciate it if you would give Nadia a call. Just to alleviate any awkwardness that might arise when you see each other again this weekend.”
“Kris, what are you talking about?”
“My friend, Nadia? You went home with her the night of my engagement party? Didn’t call the next day. Or any day since?”
He wracked his brain trying to recall that night that took place over a month ago, coming up empty. The truth of the matter was, after Mila broke the news that she was getting remarried, life had become a bit of a blur for Justin. And his apartment had become a turnstyle for a bevy of beautiful women, none of which really stood out more than the other.
“Jus, you there?”
“I’m here.”
“So can you call her?”
“I… yeah. Of course. What’s her number?”
She sighed heavily, unsure if she even wanted to put Nadia on this path of destruction. It probably would have been best to just pair her up with someone else for the wedding. But she just imagined them looking so good together. “You’re an asshole,” she told him coldly as she placed him on speakerphone to search for the phone number.
“It’s been a rough month,” he defended himself.
“From what I hear, it’s been a rough year.”
“That, too.”
“You ready?”
“Hold on,” he hopped out of bed to head for his kitchen, where he knew he kept pens and post-its. There, he was slightly stunned to find a collection of phone numbers waiting to be noticed. And sure enough, Nadia was among the ruins. “You know what, Kris, I think I got it.”
“You do.”
“Yeah, 347-623-5262?”
“God, you’re an asshole!” she laughed sarcastically. “What the heck, Justin?”
“I know. I know.” He glanced over the rest of the numbers, not even remembering speaking to most of these women, much less sleeping with them. Casey, Jenn, Amanda, Katy, Mia, Nicole… “I’m not sure what happened to me.”
“I get it. Mila is moving on and it sucks, but you can’t just play with people like this, Justin. Most certainly not my friends.”
“Won’t happen again,” he promised, quickly growing tired of the lecture. “I’m gonna call her.”
“Be nice,” she reminded him. “If you don’t like her, that’s okay. Just… be nice.”
Like her? He didn’t even remember her. “Okay, mom.”
“All right,” she sighed. “I guess I’ll let you loose then.”
“Wait, what was the other thing?”
“Umm… I’m not so sure I need to tell you that right now.” She had planned to tell him about Mila and how things probably weren’t so cut and dry as far as moving on was concerned. But that appeared to be the last thing he needed to hear. He would have held on to any shred of hope for dear life, and Kristin did not want to give him false hope, so she thought it best to keep to herself. “One thing at a time.”
“Call Nadia,” he confirmed.
“You got it.”
“Duly noted,” he sighed. “And I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Mañana, my friend.”
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Justin’s Audi Q7 pulled up at Nadia’s downtown Brooklyn brownstone at exactly 12 PM, just as he promised. He barely had enough time to open his door before Nadia was practically running down her steps with her weekend Louis luggage in tow. Justin hurried out of the car to greet her and help with the bags.
“Good morning,” he saluted her, studying her face as he did so. The minute their eyes met, everything came back to him, and he almost couldn’t believe that he hadn’t called on his own accord.
“Good afternoon.” She gave him a once-over, noting that she wasn’t crazy about grown men wearing shorts, but he somehow made it work. She handed him the bigger of her two bags and continued down the steps.
He admired her gait “ the way her long legs hit the pavement mesmerized him. “Good afternoon, indeed,” he mumbled.
“Nice car,” she turned to say.
“Thanks,” he returned, placing her luggage in the trunk along with his own. “I just got it.”
“Must be nice.” She daintily took the passenger’s seat and watched him head for the driver’s side of the car.
“You all set?”
She pulled her Ray-Bans from the top of her head and perched them on her face before nodding. “I’m ready.”
He smiled, admiring how utterly cool she looked. “All right then.”
“This is like a two hour drive, right?”
“From here to Southampton? Yeah, without traffic, I guess.”
“But it’s Fourth of July weekend, so there will obviously be traffic…”
“You are right about that,” he conceded, pulling out of his space. “But it would have taken you longer if you’d taken the train, so…”
“That’s debatable.”
“You also wouldn’t have had me to keep you company.”
“Is that supposed to be a point for or against the train?”
“Ouch,” he held his heart in pretend pain.
“I’m kidding. I appreciate the ride.” She threw her purse to the space behind Justin’s seat and got comfortable in her own. “It’s actually nice to not have to take the train in this heat.”
“I bet.”
“You feel like playing a game?”
“What, like the license plate game?” he grinned.
“Not quite,” she smiled back charmingly. “On our show, we play a game every once in a while called Let’s Be Honest.”
“Okay…”
“And basically, I get to ask you anything I want and you have to tell the truth, no matter how uncomfortable the answer may be.”
“Okay…”
“You in?”
Justin wasn’t exactly known as a purveyor of truth, but he figured it couldn’t hurt too much to try something new. Maybe he’d learn something about himself in the process. And maybe genuinely get to know someone else for the first time in a long time. “I get to ask you questions too, right?”
“Of course. We’ll go back and forth.”
He sighed heavily, resisting the urge to smile at this ridiculous notion. “All right. Shoot.”
“Okay.” She turned down his radio, which had been playing a Drake song, and stared at him curiously, trying to think of a fairly easy one to start things off. “Are you a MoMA or a Met?” she posed as if she’d asked that question several times in her lifetime.
“What?”
“Oh, you’re gonna try to act brand new,” she rolled her eyes playfully. “You live in New York, do you not?”
“Of course I do.”
“Well I classify New Yorkers into two types “ MoMA or Met. Which one are you?”
“As in the museums?” he looked befuddled.
“You are not as intelligent as I’ve been led to believe,” she laughed. “Yes, the museums. What is your preference?”
“Well I’m not answering that until you tell me what it means. If I say MoMA, what does that say about me?”
“What, so you can pick the right answer?”
“There’s not a right answer. Is there?”
“If you wanna fuck with me, there is.”
“Well I’ve already fucked with you, so…” His sarcasm melted into another smile as he hopped onto the BQE. “I guess my answer doesn’t matter.”
“Yeah, I guess not.” She sat back in her seat, enjoying the view of the city ahead of her. She always enjoyed going through the city actually getting to see her surroundings. She was used to taking the train, where views of graffiti-covered tunnels reigned supreme, so it was always a big deal to her when she got to ride in a car. Especially for free. And then, for some reason, it dawned on her that she left her cell phone at home. “Fuck.”
Justin looked over to her, alarmed by her sudden outburst. “What?”
“I forgot my phone. I can see it sitting on my mail table.”
“Oh.”
“We gotta go back.”
“You can’t go a couple of days without your phone?”
“No! It’s my lifeline. I can’t go a whole three days without it!” She was panicking, which was a very un-Nadia-like thing to do. “We have to go back.”
“Calm down,” he was laughing, maneuvering his way across the highway. “We’ll go back, that’s fine with me. But whatever you were running from is probably still waiting for you, so just keep that in mind.”
“Fuck.”
“You say that a lot.”
“I needed you to point that out.”
“What were you running from anyway?”
“Who told you I was running from something?”
“Seriously? You shot out of your front door like a cannon. And I know it wasn’t because you wanted to see me.”
“You are right about that.”
“So what gives?”
“Excuse you, it’s not your turn yet.”
“Fine, I’m a MoMA.”
“No, you’re not.”
“What?” he chirped incredulously. “How can you tell me what I am?”
“Because I can just tell. Only a unique few are MoMAs, and you’re no MoMA.”
“I’m offended.”
“I don’t think I care,” she shrugged teasingly.
“Oh okay, well then I don’t care about going back to get your phone.”
“Oh wow, well played,” she grinned at him. “That’s fine. I honestly don’t want to go back anyway.”
“Sure you don’t.”
“I don’t!”
“So it’s my turn, right?”
“It is your turn, sir.”
“What were you running from?”
“Fuck me,” she whispered to herself, still not wanting to open that can of worms. But she was the one who wanted to play the game in the first place. “I was running from Alex.”
“Alex.”
“Yep.”
“That’s your boyfriend?” he sullenly surmised.
“No,” she simpered. “She lives with me.”
“Is she a psycho roommate or something? You owe her rent?”
Nadia laughed at the mere thought of owing anybody anything. “No, I don’t owe her rent. But she wanted to come along, and we got into a big fight because I said no, and so she thinks that I’m ashamed of her around all my ‘rich friends’ and it’s just a big fuckin’ mess. So when I saw your car pull up, I ran out of there as fast as I could.”
“Huh.”
“I’m not crazy,” she proclaimed, hearing the tentativeness in his voice. “I just like to keep shit compartmentalized.”
“I get that,” he promised. “But I mean, is she your best friend? Why wouldn’t you want her to come?”
“She’s not my best friend. I don’t even have a best friend. She’s… a friend, and she’s met Kristin and Grant before, so it’s not like I’m keeping her away from anyone. I just don’t see any need for her to be there. You’re not bringing anyone.”
“Yeah, but if my buddy Trace wanted to come, I wouldn’t be like, Nah man, stay away from me,” he laughed. “You know?”
“I know. But trust me, running out was the quickest way out of there.”
“Fair enough,” he surrendered, amused by all of this. “You go.”
“My go. Okay. Let’s see,” she sighed. “Scale of one to ten, how would you rate me in bed?”
“Wow, you hold no punches, I guess.”
“Clearly.”
“Wow.” He adjusted his grip on the steering wheel as his hands became slightly damp at the notion of actually answering. Was he really supposed to tell her he didn’t quite remember it? “You want me to be honest, right?”
“That is why it’s called, ‘Let’s Be Honest,’” she confirmed. “Just don’t say some bitch shit.”
“Well. I don’t exactly… recall that night very well. It’s like a really big blur.”
“Oh.” She was obviously crestfallen by his admission. “I see.”
“I’m an asshole,” he went on. “Please don’t take it personally.”
“It’s cool,” she lied. “I dig your honesty.”
“I didn’t wanna lie…”
And while she had to respect that, a small part of her wished that he had. “Your turn.”
“We don’t have to play this.”
“We have over two hours of silence to fill, so we might as well do it now before I get sick of you.”
“Fair enough,” he smiled at her frankness. “Five words you’d use to describe yourself?”
“Five words. All right. I am smart, I like to think I’m open-minded, though some might tell you differently. I can be provocative, I’m loyal, and I’m sarcastic.”
“So you’re a bitch,” he joked at the end of her description. “Got it.”
She punched him in the arm, not wanting to agree with him, but knowing it was not at all far from the truth. “In one word, perhaps.”
“That’s cool. I freely admit to being an asshole, so maybe Kristin and Grant knew what they were doing when they paired us up.”
“Ha,” she snorted. “Maybe so.”
The two of them continued their inquisitive game for another hour, very much enjoying one another’s company and the opportunity to get inside the other’s head. Nadia was used to being the interviewer, and Justin used to being a very guarded interviewee, so it was a nice departure for both of them to step outside their comfort zones.
“Your turn,” Justin told Nadia with a long yawn as they reached a slowdown in traffic. Apparently, everyone had left New York City at the same time.
“Why on earth did you leave *NSYNC?”
Justin’s yawn immediately turned to a full-fledged cackle in response to her question. “Seriously?”
“Yes! I want to know.”
“Umm… well to be honest, I’d been approached several times between the first and second album, people told me to strike while the iron was hot and all this nonsense, so it wasn’t like out of the blue. But I put it out of my head for a long time because I felt like the five of us had something really special. But then I met Mila, and she was the one who convinced me that, like, the world was mine for the taking. She told me I could do it, and it didn’t make sense to me until then. And it seemed like good timing with Lance going to Russia and everything, so I thought… why the fuck not.”
“Why the fuck not,” she nodded in agreement. “I dig that.”
“And for the record, I had every intention of going back. I had no idea that it would turn into what it did.”
“How could you have,” she shrugged. “For the record, no one in their right mind would have gone back, and fuck anyone that says differently.”
He laughed at that advice, wishing someone had told him that seven years ago. He’d felt like a perpetual bad guy in 2004. “Thankfully, I’m very much past that now.”
“I was a nurse in the Lenox Hill ER back when your first album came out, and I swear you got me through some long ass nights.”
“Seriously?”
“Very seriously.”
“You were a nurse? No bullshit?”
“I was a nurse from when I graduated college ‘til I was about twenty-seven,” she nodded. “Best and worst five years of my life.”
“Wow.”
“I’m full of surprises, I know.”
“You are certainly that,” he agreed with raised eyebrows. “And I’m super curious as to how one goes from being an ER nurse to a morning show host on a Top 40 station.”
“I am multifaceted, obviously.”
“I’ve never listened to the show, so I cannot confirm or deny the legitimacy of that statement.”
“Shut the fuck up,” she chuckled. “I actually met Kristin at an event for the hospital. They had been in the process of looking for a replacement for one of the female DJ’s that left and after we talked for a few minutes, she asked me to audition because she liked the way I spoke. We became good friends really fast and… the rest is history.”
“That’s funny, I’ve known Kris for almost twenty years now and I would just never peg you as her type.”
“Well she’s come a long way from her Memphis roots. Her taste is, umm… interesting.”
“Apparently.”
“And being the producer on a show like that, she would have to be.”
“I can dig it,” he grinned, purposely stealing her favorite phrase. “Is it my turn or yours?”
“It’s mine,” she sighed.
“Oh, are you bored? We can stop playing if you are.”
“No, stupid. I’m just trying to figure out whether I want to ask you this question.”
“How bad could it be.”
“It’s not bad, but last time I asked you something in reference to me, you basically said I was an unmemorable fuck, so…”
“Nadia, I said I was sorry.”
“Did you?”
“Come on,” he pouted. “We’re doing well here.”
She exhaled again, knowing she probably didn’t want to get an answer to this question, but asked it anyway. “So you didn’t remember fucking me, what made you decide to call after a month?”
“I told you I only recently discovered your number.” Which was true.
“Yeah, but now that I know the sex was forgettable for you, what was it that made you actually dial the numbers?”
“Nadia…”
“You said I had nice tits. Did you mean that?”
“I-I-I’m sure you do.”
“Do you remember now?” She lifted her white tank to reveal what would certainly be classified as nice tits. “Still a blur?”
“Nadia, what the fuck are you doing,” he couldn’t help but lick his lips at the sight. He also couldn’t keep his eyes on the road. “Do you want me to kill us? Is that what’s happening here?”
“I’m just trying to get an answer.” She let her shirt back down, but kept her eyes fixated on him.
“You failed to mention you were also crazy.”
“Now you know. Answer me.”
“What was the question again?”
“Why the fuck did you suddenly call me after a month of nothing?” she shouted at him. “And don’t lie!”
“Kristin,” he finally revealed quietly.
“Excuse me?”
“Kristin asked me to call you,” he repeated, louder this time. “Not for your sake or mine, but for the sake of her wedding.”
“I see.”
“And for the record, she didn’t ask me to pick you up or anything like that. So this isn’t a pity ride.”
“Got it,” she returned sarcastically with a nod to match. “Thank you for clearing that up.”
“You’re mad.”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.” She then turned to her window, and stared out to all the cars heading to the Hamptons with them. Of all the cars on the road, how did she end up in this one, she thought.
“So is it my turn now?”
“Let’s not play anymore. I think we’ve had enough honesty for one day.”
seven: hot in here
Nadia and Justin made it to the Levitt mansion in one piece, but needless to say, after Justin’s admission, there wasn’t much peace between them. Silently, they entered the household, hoping for a savior in the form of their other friends.
“I need a drink,” Nadia greeted Grant as soon as he opened the door to their arrival. “Tell me the bartender is back.”
Grant chuckled, knowing all too well that two hours in a car with Justin would probably work anyone’s nerve. “No bartender, but the chef can get you whatever you want.”
She took off her sunglasses and sighed in relief as she offered her friend a hug. “Good to see you.”
“Likewise,” he kissed her cheek. “Long trip, I take it.”
She only rolled her eyes in response. “Where is everyone?”
“Scattered throughout. Kristin is on the patio, but you can go pick a room if you’d like.”
“Fair warning, I may not come out of it once I get in it.”
“We wouldn’t blame you one bit,” he laughed as she disappeared towards the back of the huge home. He held the door open for Justin, who slowly but surely made it inside with he and Nadia’s luggage. “Hey, man. Glad you could make it.”
“Like I had a choice.” He gave Grant a quick bro-hug and looked around for a staircase. “Where should I put these?” he was referring to the bags.
“Umm, I think you and Nadia are sharing the family room,” Grant joked.
Justin immediately turned back for the door. “I’ll see you guys back in the city.”
“Come back here,” he laughed jovially. “I’m kidding. I honestly don’t know the setup, but there’s certainly enough space for all you guys to have your own rooms.”
Justin wiped pretend sweat from his forehead and sighed in relief. “Thank. God.”
“Rough drive?”
“Indubitably.”
“She’s a piece of work,” Grant granted, but punched his friend in the shoulder. “Especially when you don’t call after you go home together.”
“Kris told you, huh.”
“Kris blamed me for even letting you two sit together without supervision.”
“My bad,” Justin winced. “But it was a bad night. I didn’t have any business going home with anyone that night.”
“What’s done is done…”
“Just keep us apart for a few hours and I think we’ll be fine.”
“I hope so. Just this morning, Kris was going on about how perfectly matched you guys were, and how flawless the pictures would be. So if you fuck that up, she may very well fuck you up.”
“I wouldn’t think of it,” he promised. “Where is everyone, anyway?”
“Here and there. I think Nadia went to find Kristin on the patio, so you might want to stay away.”
“I’m gonna get a water if that’s cool.”
“Help yourself,” he started for the kitchen with Justin in tow, showing him where one of the two staircases was situated. “And I’m sure it’s fine if you want to pick a room to throw your stuff in. I think just the first two on the right are taken.”
“Thanks, man.” Justin grabbed a bottle of Fiji from the large stainless fridge and took a long sip as he gazed out to the view of the beach. He could see Kristin’s long red locks blowing in the beach wind, but he ended up focusing on Nadia. She was sipping some colorful cocktail and laughing at something, causing her entire face to twinkle in the sunlight. Her smile was gorgeous, he thought. When she smiled, it looked like she meant it.
“Stop staring,” Grant teased as he headed out of the door.
Shaken from his thoughts, he did just that and headed upstairs.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
An hour later, several of the girls in the wedding party were gathered in the kitchen, halfway watching the chef prepare dinner, but mostly just gossiping, while the men now sat outside, drinking beers and discussing the NFL and NBA lockouts. The atmosphere was light, as it should have been, and Kristin couldn’t have been happier.
“So girls listen,” Grant’s sister, Lexi, piped up once one conversation had settled. “Let’s not pretend the guys aren’t out there talking about us like strangers. Of the groomsmen, if you had to have, like a drunken hookup with, who would you pick?”
Nadia felt the muscles in her stomach contract at the mention of such a thing. But she pushed down her nerves with a sip of her Cosmo. “Gosh, let me think,” she joked, winking at Kristin.
“Well since Mila isn’t here yet, I have to say that Justin is the obvious answer,” Erin, one of Kristin’s old college roommates, immediately inserted. “Right?”
“I feel like that’s a little bit cliché,” Nadia supplied coolly, gazing out to the deck at the rest of the men. “I mean, we have Kevin, who’s uber successful, hot as fuck, and not at all a douche.”
Kristin kicked her as she laughed at the thought of any of them hooking up with her younger brother. “Let’s not even go there.”
“So we have one for Justin, one for Kevin,” Lexi ignored her to keep tally.
“I have to go with Justin,” Rachel told her coworker and friend, even though she knew most of the details of Nadia’s little secret. “I mean, just to say I did it.”
“That’s two for Justin.”
“What about Ben,” another one of Kristin’s college friends, Cecilia, threw into the mix. “He’s all adorable and funny. And there’s something about a Jew-fro that just melts me.”
“He is pretty adorable,” Kristin agreed with a giggle. “And I don’t know him as well as the other guys, so that could be fun.”
“You’re a skank,” Rachel informed her with a laugh.
Rebecca, the only happily married woman in the room, chimed in with her own suggestion. “I can’t believe no one has said Miguel.”
“Miguel!” several of them agreed in unison.
“I mean he’s got like the sexy Dominican swagger. I would be all over that.”
“He would be my second choice after Justin,” Erin submitted.
“Lexi, who’s your vote for?”
“Oh no question, Justin Timberlake all day long! I would want him to sing my name,” she laughed loudly with everyone else. “Bringing sexy back, front, side to side!”
“You are crazy,” Kristin was cracking up as she refilled her glass. “Like certifiably insane.”
“While we’re on the subject, please tell me you hit that at some point, Kris. Please.”
“Oh god no, don’t make me throw up.”
“Kristin suffers from what one would call ‘delusion,’” Cecilia informed everyone. “Like fucking Justin Timberlake would actually be some monstrous chore.”
“Well it was when I was with him.” Everyone turned to the entrance of the kitchen to see Mila standing in the threshold. “Hey, everybody,” she smiled.
“Mila!” Kristin, in her inebriated state, hopped off of her stool to hug her friend and pull her into the room. “Come, come in. Get caught up.”
She dropped her bag at the foot of the steps and gave everyone a quick wave while she watched Kristin fill her glass with some reddish concoction. “How’s everybody doing?”
“We’re awesome,” Lexi answered for everyone. “And prettttty tipsy.”
“Shitfaced by four o’clock on a Friday,” Mila nodded, looking around the buzzed room. “I like it.”
“It is a holiday, after all.”
“I’ll drink to that,” she raised her glass before downing the entire thing, wanting to catch up to the rest of the party. “Holy shit that’s strong,” she coughed when the alcohol hit her like a freight train.
“Drinks are courtesy of Rachel and her heavy ass hand,” Nadia supplied with a laugh. “Caution is advised.”
Mila turned to the voice that was speaking, and as the only black person in the room, she immediately recognized Nadia as the person that had allegedly slept with her ex-husband. It caused her to involuntarily glare at her.
“Mi, if you haven’t eaten yet, it is strongly advised that you take it slow,” Kristin appended, seeing that she hadn’t yet moved from her spot. “Take a seat, honey.”
She decided on an empty chair at the breakfast table. Right behind Nadia. “I’m gonna sit over here with the pretty bitches,” she proclaimed proudly.
Oblivious to her sarcasm, Lexi agreed with her. “Yes, bitch, take a seat.”
“What were we talking about, anyway?” Mila turned to Lexi with wide eyes. “I heard your crazy ass talking about bringing sexy back and side to side.”
“We were just discussing which of the groomsmen were most desirable,” Rebecca explained astutely. “Your ex happened to be the most fuckable.”
“Huh.” Mila appeared unaffected, almost impressed by the idea. “I guess I’d agree with that. Assuming Grant is left out of the conversation…”
“He was excluded, yes.”
“So. Yeah, I guess I would do Justin if I didn’t know him,” she nodded. “Worked out well for Nadia here, didn’t it.”
As several other eyes in the room landed on her, Nadia couldn’t help but just laugh. What else was there to do. “Fuck me,” she smiled to herself. “Umm, yeah. Fun was had by all and we have since moved on.”
“By the way, did he ever end up calling you?”
“He did actually,” she answered hesitantly, looking down to the hardwood floors. “Umm, we ended up driving out here together for the weekend, so… I’m good. Are we done?”
Mila held up her hands innocently, knowing she had just made this woman squirm a little bit. “I’m good.”
“Excuse me,” Nadia rose from her chair to head for the patio. There, the men were having a lively discussion about attractive coworkers. Nadia didn’t hesitate to interrupt. “Yo, Justin, can I talk to you for a sec?”
He looked up from his Corona, a bit surprised to see her standing over him, but immediately obliged. “Yeah, sure.”
She led him past the deck to where the pool was situated and turned to face him and his sunglass-covered face. “So you forgot you fucked me, but you could tell your ex-wife?”
“Whoa, what are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about thanks for the fucking warning that your wife knew about us hooking up.”
“First of all, she’s my ex-wife. Second of all, I didn’t tell her shit.” He received a look of disbelief, but he was adamant. “I swear, Nadia, I haven’t even talked to her since the engagement party.”
“Well she sure knows about how you didn’t call me, so… what the fuck.”
“Maybe Kristin told her,” he shrugged. “I don’t know. But I swear it wasn’t me.”
Nadia nodded, accepting him at face value. After all, she had talked about it on the radio. “Fair enough. Sorry.”
“Well what did she say? Was she upset?”
“She was clearly annoyed,” she confirmed. “By the way, she’s kind of a cunt.”
“Yeah, well,” he found himself snickering. “That’s Mila.”
“Awesome.”
“Trust me, her bark is way worse than her bite.”
“I’m still mad at you, by the way.”
He couldn’t help but stare at her chest, as the blaring sunlight made her shirt see-through, and he could see a perfect outline of her nipples. He was thankful then for his shades. “That’s cool,” he answered, somewhat dazed. “Hopefully, you forgive me before we head home on Monday.”
“Don’t count on it. I’m really bad about holding grudges.”
“Why am I not surprised,” he smiled.
She really liked his smile, she realized. When he smiled, it felt genuine, like he really meant it. “Hey, when you get a chance, would you mind bringing my bag upstairs?”
“After you,” he offered to follow her back into the house.
The ladies were so engrossed in laughter that none of them noticed Justin and Nadia slip inside and up the staircase. She led him to the bedroom at the end of the long hallway, just across from his, and had him place her bag in the closet before shutting and locking the door.
“I don’t know why I’m doing this,” she announced, approaching him confidently. “You’re not my type.”
“It must have been good the first time,” he smirked.
“It was,” she nodded, unbuckling his belt. “You don’t deserve me, though.”
He really enjoyed her candor, especially knowing they were about to get it on. He found it sexy as hell. “You’re probably right, but… here we are…”
She began to simultaneously kiss him and unbutton his shorts, moving him backwards towards the bed while he pulled off her shirt, excited to get his hands on her supple breasts. Lucky for him, it was like doing it for the first time.
She was clearly in no mood for foreplay, as she peeled off her skinny jeans the moment they hit the bed, and got on top of him. He pulled his boxers down just low enough to get it in, and sure enough, she got it in.
“Fuuuck me,” she whispered as soon as she felt him inside her. “Fuck yes.” She eased down onto his dick and then began to rotate her hips, delighted by the sensation.
“Fuck, you’re good at this,” he noted in a groan, looking her in the eye as she gyrated on top of him. He slipped his fingers underneath her to massage her clit, smiling in satisfaction at the surprise on her face when he hit the exact right spot.
“Oh shit,” she moaned just a little too loud, causing Justin to cover her mouth with his other hand. In turn, excited by the secrecy of it all, she began to move a little faster.
The room became stuffy with all the breathing and fucking going on, and Nadia loved every second of it. The fact that she almost couldn’t stand him, that their friends, including his jealous ass ex-wife, were just downstairs, oblivious to their escapades, and the July heat seemed to be encasing them in that room, it was all a huge turn on for her. She dared Justin to forget this one.
Author's Notes:
This one's pretty boring. I'm sorry! I'll update soon, though!
eight: fitting
Fourth of July weekend was still underway, and all of the wedding attendants remained under one roof with Kristin’s strict instruction not to go anywhere until everyone was fitted for their wedding attire. So when Saturday morning arrived, seven bridesmaids and seven groomsmen were exactly where they were supposed to be. The women were sprawled throughout the main house, where two designers were helping come up with patterns for dresses, and the men were in the guesthouse, consulting with a tailor.
“Sooo,” Mila approached Kristin in the kitchen, seeking her approval of the silver shift dress she’d co-designed for the wedding. “What do you think?”
Kristin gave her petite pal a quick once over and immediately denied her. “A little too hipster for my wedding, friend.”
“Seriously? Not even with a belt?” Mila looked down at herself, totally in love with the look. “This is a dress that everyone will look good in.”
“I don’t like it,” she shrugged. “Sorry.”
“But why not?”
“It has no shape, Mi! It’s just… there. I want a cutesy, girly something, not some sexy club frock.”
“Okay, you’re using a lot of words right now, and I’m not quite sure I understand them,” she shook her head. “Why do you hate me?”
“I don’t hate you,” she laughed, heading into the den, where Cecilia was trying on a very simple but cute full-skirted cocktail dress. “See how great this looks,” Kristin showed Mila.
“Okay, she is lovely, yes. But I would look like a five year old in this dress.”
“You look like a five year old anyway,” she grinned. “Find a dress that I like.”
“Fine,” Mila rolled her eyes, beginning to pull off the vetoed dress.
“And keep in mind that your dress will be navy blue!”
“Bite me,” she mumbled, watching Kristin disappear. “This is exactly why I’m not having my own fucking wedding.”
“Oh Mila,” Cecilia chuckled, watching the movie star walk around in her underwear. “You’re just so agreeable.”
Detecting her sarcasm, she retreated a bit. “I’m sorry, I know I’m like a raging bitch right now.”
“You? Noooo.”
“No, seriously. I’m not usually like this! I’m just on major edge right now.”
“It’s understandable. I mean, to be in this wedding with your ex-husband at every turn can’t be easy.”
“Right?” she agreed with wide eyes. “Like, am I crazy, or is this not normal?”
“I can’t imagine having to do it.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I can handle it.”
“Of course.”
“But it’s not gonna happen in one day.”
“Right. Of course not,” Cecilia was nodding, not quite sure where to go next in the conversation.
“All right, Cece, let me try on this dress.”
“I… you want my dress?” she looked down and then back at Mila, totally confused.
“Well yeah. Kiki said I needed a dress like yours, so let me try it on so I can show her.”
“I-I-I don’t think we’re the same size.” Mila was, at most, a size 4, while Cecilia was closer to an 8. “Are you sure?”
“Just gimme the damn dress.”
“O-o-okay.” She pulled off the silver sheath and helped Mila into it, following her back into the kitchen, holding it in place so that they could get Kristin’s approval.
“All right. Are we done?” Mila announced once she was in plain view.
Kristin grinned at the sight. “I think you should do a bateau neckline, but yes. I would say we have a winner.”
“Thank god,” she exhaled heavily, turning back to Cecilia. “Thank you so much. You’re a lifesaver.”
“Can I put it back on now?” she hoped, not quite as comfortable as Mila in just a bra and panties.
“Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry.” She quickly stepped out of the oversized dress and handed it over with a smile. “Tell Megan that I’ll take one in a size two. With the bateau neckline?” she looked over to Kristin for confirmation.
“Bateau. Yes.”
“Thanks again, Cece.”
As Cecilia obliged and headed back for the den, Kristin gave Mila an odd look. “Cece?”
“You know I have to shorten everyone’s name. Kiki, Cece… Hell, I shortened my own name to Mila.”
“You are so deliciously odd.”
Mila hopped on the stool adjacent to Kiki, picking at the strawberries that sat in the middle of the island. “So when do we get to see your dress?”
“I didn’t show you my dress?”
“No, bitch face, you did not!”
Kristin’s big blue eyes widened in shock, and she quickly grabbed her friend’s hand to pull her upstairs. “I totally thought I showed everyone.”
“Well clearly I am not everyone.”
Together, they raced up the steps, and down the long corridor of bedrooms, passing by one in particular that sounded… occupied. “Must be Becca and Jon’s room,” Kristin whispered, hearing the definitive sound of a headboard being knocked against a wall.
“Yeah, no,” Mila quickly countered, knowing for a fact that it was Justin’s room.
“No?”
“Nope,” she deadpanned. “My room is next to Jus’s, he’s been going at it with that girl since we got in yesterday.”
“Nadia? Are you serious?”
“Oh, I’m very serious. I was about three seconds from sleeping on the couch last night due to the incessant banging.”
“Mila, you are lying,” she laughed awkwardly, leading her into the bedroom where her dress was being housed. “Nadia was too through with him when they got in yesterday.”
“Why the fuck would I lie?” she chuckled in response, if only to hide the fact that the shit stung like a bitch. “Didn’t you notice they were mysteriously absent after dinner?”
“When we played Taboo?”
“Yeah. No Justin. No Nadia.”
“Huh.” She certainly hadn’t noticed during the game, but when she thought about it, Mila was right. “Interesting.”
“More like gross and annoying.”
Kristin disappeared into a large closet for a moment, returning with her wedding day masterpiece. It was a lovely strapless A-line gown, a full tulle skirt, draped in petals. It was the essence of Kristin Levitt. Dainty and full of Southern charm, but simple. “What do you think?”
Mila’s frown instantly melted into a grin when her eyes landed on the dress. “Holy shit, Kris, this is amazing.”
“You like it?”
“I fucking love it, friend! You’re gonna look fucking gorgeous in this.”
“I hope so,” she sighed. “I can’t wait.”
“I’m so excited for you,” she beamed, examining the intricacies of the dress. It was then that a small part of her wished for the big wedding production, with the dress and the bridesmaids and all the hoopla. More often than not, Mila hated hoopla and would strangle anyone that said otherwise, but sometimes, that want for a little more snuck up on her. This was one of those times.
October 2001…
Mila had been staring at her reflection for the better part of half an hour, utterly conflicted with what she was preparing to do. She loved Justin “ that was something she was clear on. He was such a great guy, so cool and thoughtful, and she adored the hell out of him. But they’d just met two months ago.
When he first proposed marriage, it sounded so ridiculous that she laughed in his face. She was eighteen. What business did she have marrying anyone? But five minutes later, she couldn’t imagine not being married to him. It seemed like the only thing that made sense.
But a week later, it was actually happening, and she couldn’t help but wonder how the hell she was going to pledge an eternity to a guy she didn’t even know before the summer began. If her parents knew what was about to happen... And she stood there in a cute little dress she'd found at Saks -- certainly no wedding dress, second guessing all of it. None of her friends would be there, she hadn't written any vows, she wouldn't even have a bouquet. Their secret nuptials were such a secret, she barely felt like they were actually happening.
“Mom is going to kill you, you know.” Her brother, Michael, had just entered her room, keys in hand, prepared to whisk her off to her destiny. But he wasn’t shy about telling her how stupid this was. “And I don’t mean that figuratively. She’s going to literally choke you out when she finds out.”
She glanced back at him with big, quizzical eyes. “Shut up.”
“I’m just saying. I’ll do this with you, because I love you, but just know that when you vow forever, your forever will not be very long.”
“I’m serious, shut the fuck up, Michael!”
He was laughing as he wrapped his sister in a headlock that turned into a hug. “I kid, Milena. Good for you.”
“Yeah?”
“You’ve always done whatever the hell you wanted. Why should this be any different.”
“Is this selfish?” she wondered out loud. She was earnestly scared of breaking her parents’ hearts, but she knew they wouldn’t approve, and the last thing she wanted was for this to become a big deal.
He avoided his sister’s gaze in their reflections and came up with a diplomatic response. “You’re eighteen, you’re supposed to be selfish.”
“I wish that made me feel better,” she half-smiled.
“Come on,” he let her out of their embrace and fixed her hair for her. “It’s your wedding day. Who cares what Elvira and Mark think?”
She was getting sadder by the minute. “Will they forgive me?”
“Hey, if you end up being happy… if, by some miracle, this ends up not being a colossal mistake, how could they not?”
And then she immediately became consumed with how she would forgive herself if this ended up being a colossal mistake. This was it, a big girl decision with big girl consequences. She had to believe that it would all be worth it. But in the end, she wasn’t so sure it was.
“You all right, kiddo?” Kristin took note of the look of anguish all over Mila’s face and it hurt her to know that her wedding might have been taking its toll on her friend.
Mila looked up from the dress and shook away her thoughts. “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? You look… upset.”
“I’m fine,” she repeated, more forcefully this time. The fact was, she did not want to explore her mistakes at that moment. Sometimes, it felt like that was all she ever did. “I should probably go put some clothes on.”
Kristin nodded, accepting her dress to return it to the closet while Mila disappeared back downstairs. Kristin was laughing at the entire situation she’d been immersed in when she was lucky enough to exit her room at the same time Nadia was coming out of Justin’s.
“Hey,” Nadia seemed startled by Kristin’s presence in her own home.
“Hey,” Kristin returned evenly, doing her best to keep a knowing smirk off of her face. “Whatcha doing up here?”
“Oh. Umm… I was just… I needed something out of Justin’s… umm… room,” she stuttered, trying to pull her curly fro back into place. “I’m “ I mean, I thought it was in there, but it wasn’t.”
“Uh huh,” Kristin chuckled, totally amused to watch her friend squirm. That never happened. “Are you lying, Nadia?”
“I am,” she surrendered with a sigh. “I don’t even know why.”
“Were you and Justin just gettin’ it on?” she smiled.
“Girl. Fourth time since we got here,” she shook her head in disbelief of her own actions. “I don’t know what the hell has gotten into me.”
“Well Justin, for one.”
“Oh, ha ha,” the two of them continued down the hall together. “I really don’t know what’s going on, though. Like, one minute, I hated him, and the next, I couldn’t keep my pants on around him.”
“And you wondered why we wanted call you Naughty Nadia!”
“This is not me, Kris. Like, not at all. Something about the Hamptons, I think.”
“Well hey, whatever makes you happy. And normally, for the sake of Mila, I would beg you to stop. But… you’re all grown ups.”
“That’s debatable.”
“True. But it’s best if I don’t get involved, I think?”
“I wouldn’t worry about it, Kris; I’m pretty sure I won’t be checking for him after the weekend is over.”
Kristin was surprised to hear that, given how much time they’d managed to spend together in less than 24 hours. “Wow. Okay then.”
Back in the guesthouse, Justin had returned to the festivities, where everyone was finishing up being measured for their navy blue suits. Luckily, he had been first in line, so he was done before he and Nadia ran off together.
His company had been missed, however. Grant was pleased to see him back from wherever he’d disappeared to. “Nice of you to join us, sir.”
“I had business to tend to,” Justin smirked mischievously, wiping his lips in the process. “I figured you could hold down your own fort.”
“Business, huh?” he stepped down from the pedestal where he was being measured and met his friend’s gaze. “What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“Are you really trying to play me right now?” Grant wasn’t buying it.
“A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell, man.”
“And we know you’re not a gentleman, so I’m not sure why you even said that.”
The two of them were laughing like school girls as they sauntered towards the back of the house, where the socks and ties were set up. “Nah man, for real. I know me and Nadia started off rocky, but um… I really like her.”
“Is that right?”
“Yeah. I mean, we haven’t talked that much since we got here, but talking to her on the way up here? It was cool, it was interesting.”
“Yeah,” Grant shrugged, having listened to her on air for the past few years, he knew that to be true. “But you two wanted to kill each other just yesterday.”
“Well it doesn’t hurt that she is sexy as fuck,” Justin laughed, “but honestly, I’m thinking about asking her out. Like on a real date.”
“Really?”
“Yeah?” He quickly rifled through the options and settled on a pair of red and white striped socks, as well as a matching tie. “I mean, do I sound crazy?”
“Not crazy, per se. I’m just trying to picture Nadia with someone like you and… I can’t.”
“She already told me I’m not her type, but… I mean, that hasn’t stopped us yet, so…”
Grant strongly considered letting Justin in on what little he knew about Nadia’s dating history, but quickly decided that it wasn’t his place. The possibility of being wrong was very strong, so he just dismissed it. “You know what, dude. Go for it.”
“Just tell me? Is it herpes?” he winced. “I mean, if she has it, I probably got it by now. I mean, ‘cause I was all up in it… so just tell me.”
“No,” Grant laughed heartily. “And that’s disgusting.”
“I’m just sayin’.”
“It’s nothing. I mean, she might eat you up and spit you out, but there’s no reason you shouldn’t give it a try.”
“You sure?”
“I’m positive,” he nodded. “I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?”
nine: drive
The weekend had come to a close and the Levitt estate, which had previously been filled with a good handful of twenty and thirty something’s, was now almost empty, occupied only by the daughter of the house and her husband-to-be. Meanwhile, the roads back to New York were packed with vacationers scurrying back to their corners of the city before the Tuesday workday began. Among them, of course, were Justin and Nadia.
Yawning as they reached their first standstill in traffic, Justin looked over to Nadia, who seemed completely content in the moment. “So I guess you did okay without your cell phone,” he brought to her attention with a grin.
She smiled in reply, but kept her eyes on the road ahead. “I guess I did.”
“You have a good weekend?”
“I can’t complain.” She finally set her gaze on him and added, “Thanks for keeping me busy.”
He was almost blushing, but absolutely agreed. “I’m glad you stopped being mad at me.”
“Oh, I’m still mad at you.”
“No you’re not.”
“I promise you, I am,” she chuckled. “It’s not like I talked to you this weekend. At all. We didn’t resolve anything.”
“Yeah, but--.”
“So why wouldn’t I still be mad at you?”
“Because…”
“Because?”
“Because… we fucked, like, all weekend.”
“Yeah, and it was awesome, but honestly, if Mila hadn’t showed her ass, I wouldn’t have given you a second glance, baby.”
He was stunned. He was speechless. He thought they were in the midst of starting something cool and fun, and all the while, she was mad at him? She was getting revenge on his ex? “Nadia, are you serious right now?”
“Of course I am. I don’t get why you’re surprised.”
“Well sorry, I just assume that you don’t have sex with someone you’re mad at.”
“Well I assumed you would remember someone you had sex with, and we both know how wrong I was about that, so…”
“I said I was sorry.”
“And I said I was mad at you…”
“You’re seriously mad at me,” he asked one more time for confirmation.
“…Yes.”
“So. If I asked you out on a date, your answer would be?”
“’Kill yourself.’”
“Got it.”
“So we’re clear now?” she glanced over to him. A sense of satisfaction washed over her, knowing that his ego had been knocked around a bit.
“Crystal.”
The two of them continued down the road, enjoying only the sounds of the radio as they inched their way to Brooklyn. Nadia was content in their silence, but Justin was deflated, to say the least, and he wanted to speak on it.
“I’m not just an asshole,” he announced, turning off the sweet serenade of Adele’s voice filling the car.
Nadia only looked at him.
“I mean, I know I can be “ I have been, to you, for sure. But I used to be a good guy, and I’d like to think that that part of me hasn’t completely disappeared.” He sighed, thinking of times where he was actually a nice guy, back when he was happy. “I know I can’t control what impression you have of me, but I really, really want you to believe that there’s more than just the son of a bitch who fucked and forgot about it. That’s not me,” he promised. “Sometimes I act up and don’t say the right things or call at the right moment or what have you. But as I get more comfortable with you, I promise I can open up and be whatever guy you’re looking for. You know, once I truly sort out all the shit in my life, I really am a good guy. I mean, I’m an asshole too, and I’m honest enough to admit that, but I think I’m multifaceted too, and so… I’m sorry if I’ve just shown you one side up to now, but there’s more to me. I promise.”
She looked at him for a long time, questioning where to go from there. Was this the part where she gave in or just gave up? If she cut him off now, while she was still angry, before she got even a little bit attached, she could save herself a lot of time and emotion in the long run. And she knew that. But the man was sitting there pouring his heart out, and she could tell from his nervousness that that wasn’t something he did often. She couldn’t ignore it.
“Fuck me,” Nadia chuckled to herself, hating that she’d been pulled in so easily. “Fuck me in the ass.”
“Really?” he piped up a bit with a joke.
“Shut up.”
“You never know with you, apparently…”
“Why did you and Mila break up?” she queried suddenly. It was something she wondered about back when the news broke several months prior, and she’d considered asking Kristin about it on a few different occasions, but never got the nerve. So if he was going to offer to open up, she was going to take him up on it.
He sighed heavily, not quite sure of the answer. He never had been sure, which was probably why the divorce had been so hard on him. He had no resolve about it, the shit just hurt. “I guess… we were broken long before we broke up,” he admitted solemnly. “But even so, I gotta be honest, nothing ever hurt like her.”
“Ten years is a long time,” she supplied consolingly. “It’s supposed to hurt.”
“I did a lot of things I shouldn’t have,” he began to recall. “Like straight up bitch shit.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?”
“Very funny.”
“Did you ever hit her?”
“No… not really.”
“Not really? What the fuck does that mean?” she laughed.
“I told her I was gonna shake the shit outta her. And I did.”
Nadia shook her head in shame. “All right then, Chris Rock.”
“No, but we had a very turbulent relationship the last few years. Like, breaking dishes and calling the cops and shit. She swore she could fight me, too.”
“How the hell did the two of you last ten years together?”
“I’m not sure,” he chuckled. “I mean, when it was good, it was so good. But when it was bad, it was ridiculous.”
February 2007…
It was a warm evening in Los Angeles, and Justin and Mila were on their way to Clive Davis’ annual Pre-Grammy Party, where Justin had been invited to perform. He had been pretty excited about, not only the night, but the weekend in general, as he had been so busy with the commencement of his tour, he was enjoying being able to kick back for a couple of days. Mila, however, wasn’t really feeling the festivities and had to be coerced to even come out that night.
“Can you please try and be in a good mood,” Justin begged of her as he headed down San Vincente towards downtown LA. “I need you to be you tonight.”
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
“Yeah, but you look pissed.”
“Well I’m not, so let me be.”
“Alrighty then.”
Truth be told, Mila hated going to all these music events where Justin was deemed bigger than life. She’d just left her longtime sitcom, and the movie roles weren’t exactly rolling in, so her only current claim to fame was voiceover work. She knew she should have been unconditionally supportive of her husband, and deep down, she was, but her career just seemed stagnant in comparison, so on the surface, she was jealous.
“What ever happened to you hating the Grammy’s?” she recalled suddenly. “I mean, three years ago, I had to practically drag you to these events.”
“Obviously, I got over it,” he laughed offhandedly. “That was a terrible period of my life, by the way, so thanks for bringing that up right now…”
“I’m just saying. It’s quite the three-sixty.”
“One-eighty.”
“What?”
“I think you mean one-eighty. If I’d done a three-sixty, I’d be back where I started.”
“You know what I meant. Don’t be an asshole.”
“I’m just trying to save you from looking like an idiot in front of other people.”
She rolled her big bright eyes at him and sighed. “What time is this thing supposed to be over?”
“So you’re really gonna be a bitch tonight, huh?”
“Would you rather me be one tomorrow at the show?”
“I’d rather you not be one at all,” he half-laughed. “I’m gonna be on tour most of the year. Is this really how you want to send me off onto the road?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she sneered.
“It’s supposed to mean please lighten the fuck up.”
“It’s not like I won’t see you, so that’s not exactly the best motivator, is it?”
“Mila…”
“I’m just sayin’.”
“You’re such a bitch,” he continued to chuckle to himself, if only to keep from blowing up.
“Stop saying that.”
“Stop being one.”
“You first.”
“You’re so mature.”
“Oh, please spare me your rants about how young I am. We’re two years apart, Justin, not twelve.”
“The way you act sometimes…”
“Why did you even want me to come?” she sighed. “Clearly, this isn’t fun for either one of us.”
“Silly me, I thought having my wife by my side would enrich my evening. Fuck me for loving you.”
Mila innately scoffed in response.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean,” he demanded loudly, almost swerving when he looked at her.
“It means I’m not stupid, Justin! You play the role of husband well, but I hear the stories. I see the texts from your slutty ass dancers. You probably can’t wait to really get on this tour.”
“What the fuck, do you see me responding to their texts?”
“You’re too smart for that,” she knew. “But they all smile in my face and act all respectful and shit. That bitch Michele is coming for you, and I know you. You’re gonna let her have it all.”
“Mila, you sound insane.”
“Justin, I’ve done this with you before. Don’t act like I’m the crazy one here.”
“But you are…”
“Justin! In 2003, did you or did you not tell me that that girl stated, plain as day, that she wanted to fuck you?”
“And I told you about it! Why would I be in trouble for that?”
“You told me about it after you kissed her! And not only did you not replace her on that tour, but you put her on this one!” she shouted. “I’m not crazy, but you most certainly are if you think that’s cool.”
“I’m sorry, but we’re friends. Nothing happened, and she’s a good dancer. I thought you understood that.”
“I understand that she’s a whore and you’re a fucking moron, apparently.”
He knew she was in a mood, and when she got in a mood, there was point in even trying reasoning with her. But he was about to be in a mood too if she didn’t stop talking to him like that. “Please, do me a kindness and shut the fuck up.”
“I’ll shut the fuck up if you give me your phone.”
“If I give you my phone?” he repeated with his eyebrows raised in incredulity. “Are you serious right now?”
“Dead serious.”
He hesitantly reached into his pocket to give it up, but stopped himself. “Why?”
“Because I wanna see what’s in it.”
“No,” he refuted.
“No?”
“I’m not playing this game with you, Mi. Either you trust me or you don’t, but I’m not gonna sit here trying to prove myself to you.”
She frowned at him for a long time and then sat back in her seat with her arms folded, pouting like a little kid. “You’re such a goddamn liar.”
“Think what you want, baby.”
“Gimme the phone!” she yelled, beginning to punch his right arm. “Give it to me.”
“You’re gonna fucking kill us!” he yelled back, swerving along the relatively crowded road. “Stop it,” he was trying to elbow her off of him.
“Give me the phone then!”
Not wanting to die, he quickly pulled to the side of the road and handed over his Sidekick to his seething wife. While Justin was, by no means, a saint, he knew he hadn’t done anything wrong.
She scrolled through his messages, most of which were business-related and innocent, but there were too many texts from his female dancers, and she didn’t like it. “Look at this shit. Why is Ava texting you at two in the morning, ‘Come hang out with us?’ Huh?”
“They wanted me to hang out with them…?”
“You’re their boss. And you’re married. That’s fucking inappropriate.”
“Mila, they’re the only people I have to spend time with in all these strange cities. The dancers and the band.”
“I don’t see any messages like that from Marty,” she realized. “Nothing from Kevin or Sky. Just all these fucking bitches! Ava, Tammy, Denosh, what the fuck, Justin.”
“I can’t help who texts me,” he shrugged.
“You’re such a fucking whore,” she began to punch him again angrily. “Stop being a whore!”
“Mila, calm the fuck down,” he pinned her arms together so that she couldn’t hit him anymore. “Listen to me.” He looked her straight in the eye, and spoke slowly so that she could hear every word. “You have to trust me. We’ve done this before and we made it out on the other side. But if you don’t trust me, you are going to lose me. And fast.”
She narrowed her eyes at him as she took in his words. “Is that a threat?”
“It’s a promise,” he returned evenly.
“Oh, now you’re gonna leave me, Justin? Is that what it is now?”
“I’m just giving you fair warning.”
She was able to wrestle out of his grip and knocked him in the head with her left hand. “Fuck you.”
“You’re a child.”
“And you’re a whore,” she maintained angrily. “You gonna leave me. I wish your bitch ass would.”
And then he broke. He hopped out of his big black Range Rover, taking his keys with him, and stood outside of it for a good twenty seconds, just taking in the scenery “ the cars, the streetlights, the buildings along the sidewalk. But before he knew it, he was opening Mila’s door and pulling her out of the car.
“What the fuck are you doing?” she yelled in a panic, trying to fight him off. “Let me go!”
“Get out of my fucking car,” he was yelling too, and obviously much stronger than her, was able to pull her out completely. “Fuck you. Good night.”
“What the fuck are you doing?” she followed him back to the driver’s side, still screaming. “You motherfucker! What the fuck, Justin!”
Her voice was so gravelly and annoying, he couldn’t wait to get away from it. He swiftly made it back inside his car, almost closing her arm in the door as he did so, and cranked it up as she continued to yell from outside.
“You better not fucking leave me!” she was shouting at a tinted window. “You bitch motherfucker!”
But he didn’t care. She dared him to leave her, so he did. He didn’t even care that she spit on his Range as he drove off.
“Yeah, I don’t know how the fuck we stayed together so long,” he chuckled sadly as his memory of that night fizzled away. “I loved her, I swear. But man…”
“You hated her sometimes, too, huh?” Nadia recognized.
He nodded. “And let me tell you, when you hate your best friend, nothing else in the world really makes sense.”
“I guess it sucks to be you right now.”
“So… perhaps you can understand why I was a little distracted the night we met.”
“Fair enough, Timberlake. For the time being, I will stop completely hating you.”
“Really.”
“Yes, really. I get it, I caught you at a bad time. I’m not a total bitch either.”
“Well cool then.”
“Plus you got good dick, so bonus points for you.”
He only smiled in response. “You’re silly.”
“I’m serious. You put in work.”
“You’re so crass,” he was still grinning. “I like that.”
“Part of my charm,” she shrugged offhandedly, watching his face turn from pink back to its natural shade. “By the way, just so you know… I’m not really looking… for… anything.”
“O…kay,” he mocked her slow speech pattern. “What does that mean?”
“You said you could be whatever guy I was looking for. I’m not looking.”
“Oh.”
“Not that I don’t like, you know… this. But I have a situation I have to handle before I can even think about… looking.”
“You have a boyfriend,” he guessed, disheartened by the notion.
“No, I don’t have a boyfriend. I told you that the night we met,” she reminded him coolly, knowing he’d feel bad for not remembering. “I have a situation.”
“A situation.”
She nodded. “And I don’t really feel like going into the details of it, because unlike you, I do not have the capacity to be an open book. But let’s just say… I might be more than you bargained for.”
Author's Notes:
So this one is mostly flashback, so I super apologize if you're not digging those, but I think it's a very necessary one lol. We're starting to get into a little bit more drama for your mama, so to speak. I am excite!
ten: alejandra
It was a quiet Tuesday night, fairly cool for July, and Justin had just finished up a dinner in Brooklyn with some associates. The food was great, but the company was average, at best, so Justin wondered what Nadia was up to, being in her neck of the woods and all. He quickly resolved to stop by her place.
Darkness hadn’t quite fallen over the city when he arrived, but he was glad to see that lights were on throughout her apartment. Without a second thought, he rang the doorbell labeled ‘Maraj’ and anticipated seeing Nadia’s faultless face.
After what felt like ages, a pair of eyes peeked from behind the curtains adorning the door and then it swung open. He was hoping to see Nadia, but instead, he was met with a very different, but equally as pretty young woman. She was shorter than Nadia, and most likely Hispanic or Italian, with a creamy vanilla complexion and short jet black hair. Justin was pleasantly surprised by what he saw.
“Can I help you?” she asked the stranger in front of her.
“Umm. Hi,” he returned, trying not to stare. “I’m Justin.”
“Hello.”
“Is umm… this is Nadia’s apartment, right?”
“She lives here, yes.”
“Okay.” He was taken aback by her curtness. “Is she home?”
“Nope.”
“Oh.”
“She probably has her phone with her if you wanna… call.”
He chuckled, because he thought that stopping by without calling was the cooler thing to do. It took more effort. “Yeah, I’ll give that a try.”
“All right then.”
She began to close the door on him, but he stopped her before she could. “Alex?”
She pulled the door back, looking at him as if he’d just called her a bitch. “Excuse me?”
“Are you Alex?”
“Alejandra,” she confirmed with a frown. “Have we met before?”
“No, no, umm Nadia mentioned you before. I was just wondering if you were her.”
“Well I am.” She seemed completely unimpressed and unaffected by the fact that Justin Timberlake was standing in her doorway. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to get ready for work.”
“Oh. Yeah, of course.” He was dumfounded by exactly how to react to her nonchalance. He wasn’t used to this. “Could you, whenever you see Nadia, could you just let her know that I stopped by?”
“I will make sure to do that,” she assured him before closing the door in his face.
He wasn’t sure what he’d done to piss her off so much. Maybe Nadia had told her some of the asshole-ish things he’d done in their short history, but he pushed it away and headed back to his car. As he was leaving, he could see Alejandra in one of the higher windows of the building, glaring down at him. She must have been very protective of her friends, he thought.
Back inside the apartment, Nadia sleepily came moseying out of her bedroom after hearing the doorbell ring. Finding Alex in the living room pulling her iPod from its charger, she looked around and asked, “Who was at the door?”
“One of the neighbors, I think she said her name was Valerie,” she lied without missing a beat. “She wanted us to bring our garbage cans in.”
“Oh,” Nadia was frowning, never having had a problem with Val or her husband before. In fact, they often brought her cans in for her, and vice versa, when they lingered too long. “Did you do it?”
“I told her I would do it on my way out.”
“Weird.”
“People are weird,” Alex shrugged. “You doing anything tonight?”
“I get up at four in the morning. You know I’m not going anywhere.”
“Of course.” Using the mirror attached to the mail table, she ran some black eyeliner under her gorgeous gray eyes and then turned to Nadia. “Well my shift is until ten tomorrow morning, so maybe I’ll catch you on the train ride home.”
“I have post-show meetings ‘til noon, so probably not. But… I’ll see you around, obviously.”
“All right then.” Alex grabbed her bag and keys and headed for the door. “Have a good night, babe.”
“Don’t kill anybody,” Nadia called back, discreetly rolled her eyes at the pet name. She turned back for her bedroom, and sighed in relief when she heard the front door slam close. Alone, at last. It felt like it had been years since she’d had some time to herself. And in some ways, it had been.
November 2005…
It had been an especially long night for Nadia, even for the ER “ a patient had come in with a headache and ended up flatlining right before her eyes “ so she was inexplicably ready to get home. She was too tired to even take the subway, so she stood outside of the Lenox Hill, huddled in her peacoat, waiting for a cab.
“Hell of a night, huh,” a voice disrupted her thoughts.
Nadia turned to find an attractive young woman standing next to her, smiling through a gapped set of teeth. She was confused as to why this person was talking to her. “Do we know each other?”
“Oh. I… no, not really. I was just making conversation.”
She took note of her hot pink scrubs underneath her bubble coat and asked, “You work here, I take it.”
“Today’s my second day,” she nodded. “I work in the ER with you.”
As one of the head nurses, Nadia would have known that. “Who are you?” she questioned as if she was lying.
“Alejandra Arias,” she held out her hand to shake Nadia’s. “I’m so excited.”
“About what?”
“I don’t know,” she was beaming. “Just… getting to talk to you. Getting to work with you, of course. You’re a legend.”
“Okay, knock it off,” Nadia frowned. “You’re freaking me out.”
“I’m sorry. I’m not usually like this, I’m just so excited that I get to talk to you.”
“You said this was your second day?”
“Yep. You weren’t here last night, so I’m really glad you came in today.”
“Listen, you’re not gonna last a week if you don’t calm the fuck down,” Nadia supplied brusquely. “By the way, it’s pretty classless of you to be this peppy after a woman just died in our care.”
“I’m sorry,” she quickly deflated. “Penelope just told me to keep my spirits high, no matter what.”
Penelope was the other head nurse, and Nadia hated her guts. “Penelope is a fucking idiot. Don’t ever listen to her, okay?”
Alejandra nodded submissively. “Any other advice?”
“Mrs. Gualtieri acts like a hard ass, but really, if you stand your ground, she’ll crumble into pieces.”
“Really?”
“She’s the hospital administrator, it’s her job to be an annoying bitch. But her bark is much worse than her bite.”
“That’s a relief, because… well, she scares me.”
“Yeah, she used to scare me too, but I’ve peeped her game,” Nadia was chuckling, allowing Alejandra to admire her smile.
“What about Halima? Does she… I mean… she doesn’t seem to like anybody.”
“Halima is a slut. All she does is chase after doctors, thinking it’s a way out of here. Word to the wise, it’s not.”
“Oh wow, I thought she was just mean. I didn’t know she was a whore.”
“She’s a shameless whore,” Nadia confirmed. “But speaking of doctors, you should definitely befriend one if you can. A doctor to have your back is invaluable.”
“I was talking to Dr. Zandstra, she seems really--.”
“Not Dr. Zandstra. She’s mine.”
“Oh…”
“Also, if a doctor tells you to do something you know you expressly cannot do, then don’t do it. They can break rules; we can’t, or we get fired.”
“O-okay.” Alex felt like she needed a note pad to write down all of this sage advice.
Nadia noted a throng of cabs coming towards them and moved toward the street. “Where do you live? Brooklyn?”
She shook her head, “Bronx. Off of Underhill Ave.”
“Well fuck, I’m not going that far uptown.” She stopped her attempt at hailing taxis and took a step back. “You wanna go get a drink?”
She checked her watch as if she really had to factor the time into her decision.
“Trust me, if a coworker offers to buy you a drink after a shitty day, you take it.” She grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her toward a bar often frequented by the hospital staff. “It makes getting to sleep a lot easier.”
“It’s just that I don’t really drink.”
Nadia stopped in her tracks to stare at the girl in front of her. “What do you mean you don’t drink? You in AA?”
“No, no. I’m only twenty.”
“Okay,” she gave her that, “but it’s New York. Drinking age doesn’t apply to us.”
The two of them continued down the block and around the corner to a bar called Luke’s. For many years, it had become a second home to Nadia “ the first being the hospital, of course. She hated that she had to drink in order to get to sleep sometimes, but she appreciated that she at least had somewhere to go.
“Hey papi,” she greeted the late night bartender, Michael, as she took a seat in front of him. “Lemme get a big ass glass of Pinot, and she’ll have a Riesling.”
Alejandra followed suit, taking off her jacket and her messenger bag, draping them over the back of her chair, and looking on nervously. “What is Riesling?” she wondered.
“You’ll like it, it’s sweet.”
She just nodded in response. “You come here often?”
“I try not to, but I always seem to end up here when we lose a patient,” she admitted somberly. “Not all patients, but the ones that should’ve made it. It’s hard to go home to an empty apartment and just those thoughts running rampant.”
“I see.”
“Penelope walks around with an idiotic smile on her face because she used to work in peeds, and that’s what they do up there. In trauma, we don’t paint happy faces on disaster. We move quickly, we’re helpful and personable, always compassionate, but we see some fucked up shit, and it’s not in anyone’s best interests to act like we don’t.”
Alex was nodding like a nervous poodle, inwardly wondering if she had what it took to do this job. By default, she was just a smiley, peppy person, and she thought becoming a nurse would enable her to share that with others. Now, she was being told to do the opposite. “How long have you been doing this?” she softly asked Nadia.
“It feels like too long,” she half-chuckled. “But almost five years.”
“And it doesn’t get any easier, huh?”
Nadia watched their drinks being served and took a long sip from her glass before answering. “If it ever gets easy to watch someone die, if you ever get used to it… it’s time to move on.”
“I see,” she sighed.
“Drink your wine,” Nadia instructed, watching as she took a small sip at first, paused, and then gulped what was left in her glass. “I guess you needed that more than you thought…”
“That was good,” she grinned.
Nadia was amused by her vim and vigor. It had been a while since she’d met someone that wasn’t jaded in some way or another. “Mike, get her another one,” she directed to the bartender, and then turned back to her new coworker. “I hope I haven’t scared the shit out of you.”
“No, no, no, not at all. I feel so much more prepared now.”
“Nothing can truly prepare you for some of the shit you’ll see, but I can help you try and deal with it once you do.”
“Do you work tomorrow night?”
“I do. I typically work Sunday through Thursday unless I’m filling in for someone.”
“So you get two nights off in a row? That’s so cool!”
Nadia chuckled. “It’s not that hard if you work the night shift. You just started, so you’re not going to get a weekend, but you could get a Monday and Tuesday off, easy.”
“I told Mrs. Gualtieri I’d rather have a Friday off than two consecutives.”
“Oh. Really?”
“I’d never see my friends, otherwise,” she shrugged, taking a sip from the new drink she had been served. “And now I can see you four days a week instead of three.”
Nadia looked down, somewhat touched by the fact that that was something she looked forward to. She was a hard-ass, and everyone knew it, so she was certain that the other nurses were relieved when she wasn’t on the schedule. “You won’t feel that way for long,” she promised Alex.
She vehemently shook her head. “I want to learn everything you know. From how you insert an IV to how you discharge a patient. How do you talk to a family that’s likely losing their mind with worry? Like, I didn’t receive enough training on how to do that, and I saw you today. I saw you sit there in the waiting room, you were sitting crosslegged in a chair next to the boyfriend, and her parents were there, and you were smiling and they were laughing. While their daughter was on a surgeon’s table, you had them so intrigued that it looked like they didn’t have a care in the world. I need to know how to do that.”
Nadia rested her hand over Alex’s trembling one, just as she would for a patient, and she deliberately looked her in the eye. “It’s not an acting lesson,” she softly explained. “It’s sincerity, and you’re not gonna learn it by emulating what I do. It comes with time.”
Alex felt a surge in her body when Nadia touched her “ a rush of blood to the head, an elevation in her heart rate. She wasn’t sure what she was doing, possibly because she’d just chugged two glasses of wine after never drinking a day in her life, but she couldn’t stop herself. She let her free hand grab Nadia’s arm, and she moved in for a kiss. Her lips had touched Nadia’s for all of one second before Nadia broke free from her clutches.
“Whoa, what the fuck!” she shouted, causing the few patrons in the bar to turn towards them.
“I-I-I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what that was.”
“Oh my god.” She was wiping any remnants of Alejandra’s lips from her own. “Are you insane?”
“I’m sorry!” was all she could get out. “You’re just so beautiful and I was feeling bold, I guess, and I wasn’t thinking at all. I’m sorry.”
Nadia was frowning like her life depended on it. “I’m not a fucking dyke,” she spat at her coldly, beginning to get up from her seat.
“Please don’t go,” Alex begged. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’m uncomfortable now.”
“I don’t know what I was thinking. My mind is so foggy,” she placed her hand over her forehead, trying to figure out how her thoughts brought her to such an odd place. “Please, don’t leave me.”
“That’s not cool,” Nadia was still frowning, but sat back down. “You can’t do that.”
“I know.” Alex nervously nodded, beginning to tear up at the fact that she had fucked up so badly and it was only her second day. “Am I gonna be fired?” she meekly asked.
“Of course not,” Nadia scoffed. She then sighed when she noticed that the girl was tearing up, and knew she had to soften up a bit. “Listen… what was your name again?”
“Alejandra.”
“Alex,” she shortened it for her. “I overreacted a bit. It’s not a big deal.”
“I’m really sorry.”
Nadia nodded. “I know.”
“You’re very pretty.”
She shook her head for the poor girl and finished what was left in her own glass. “Just so you know, flattery won’t get you anywhere with me,” she smirked.
The tears suddenly stopped filling Alex’s enchanting gray eyes, and she smiled, thinking that maybe Nadia was flirting back a little. “What will?”
“Whoever that was that just kissed me, you should bring her back.”
“But…” Alejandra was confused. “I thought you didn’t”“
“Confidence,” she cut her off to explain simply. “If you’re assertive enough, I just might buy anything you sell.”
“You’re fucking with me…”
Nadia shrugged innocently. True enough, she had never been with a woman, or ever even seriously considered the prospect, but under the right circumstance, she was willing to try just about anything once. This sounded like the perfect thing to take her mind off of the patient they’d left on the table a few hours prior. “Take advantage of that buzz, mama. Especially since you’ll probably pay for it in the morning.”
Alex’s eyes darted around the room, trying to make sense of the events that were transpiring. She understood the words that Nadia was saying, and was even willing to accept the repercussions of whatever followed, but it wouldn’t be until much later that she truly grasped the gravity of what she was getting herself into. “Well in that case… you wanna get outta here?”
Nadia bit her bottom lip, briefly weighing the options in her own mind. The girl seemed harmless enough. Attractive, for sure. If nothing else, she could say she tried something new, and if it got too awkward, she could just have her transferred to another floor. It was almost a no-brainer. “Sure.”
And with that, the two women disappeared into the night, neither one of them aware that they would pay for this way past the following morning.
love connection by Ashley
eleven: love connection
“So you guys have asked for it, you’ve sent in your questions, and finally, The Cameron Crew is gonna do another round of Let’s Be Honest,” Jeff announced to the city of New York through the airwaves. “Rachel, Nadia, Caleb. Are we ready for this?”
Rachel sighed heavily, because she always, no matter what, ended up receiving some embarrassing and/or sexual question that she didn’t want to answer. “I guess so.”
“Let’s do this,” Nadia returned. It wasn’t her favorite segment, but listeners seemed to like it, so she was game.
“Can we just add a stipulation real quick,” Caleb inserted, as he too, always ended up having to reveal way too much.
“What’s that?”
“If you get a super easy question, you have to answer another one. Because it’s getting to the point where it’s just not fair.”
“There’s nothing unfair about the process,” Jeff laughed. “I ask you whatever question I pull.”
“Yeah, I know. But me and Rachel end up talking about our sex lives and you and Nadia get to talk about what you wanted to be when you were little. It feels like a setup, dude.”
“I’m game if everyone else is.” After the two ladies in the room agreed, he went on to pull their names out of a small box so as to determine the order. “So we’re starting today with… Caleb. Then Nadia, and then Rachel. So I’m last.”
“The last question is always the hardest one.”
“We’ll see,” Jeff teased. “But all right, let’s do this.” He received another box from one of the interns, full of questions from listeners, coworkers, and their fellow co-hosts. “Caleb. If you had to be a race other than your own, what would you want to be?”
“What race would I want to be?”
“If you couldn’t be a white dude, yeah, what would you be.”
“Umm. I dunno, I think I’d wanna be black. Like all the black guys I know, they’re just effortlessly cool. Like I have to try really hard to be as awesome as I am, and I think that would come naturally if I were black. I’d be cool, and funny, and I feel like I’d know how to just have a good time. That’s not offensive, is it?” he looked at Nadia.
“No, stupid,” she laughed. “I mean, I think you have blinders on if you think it’s that easy to be a black man in America, but I’m not gonna begrudge you of your little fantasy.”
“Okay, it’s like seven in the morning. Let’s not get too deep with this.”
“I’m just sayin’,” she held up her hands innocently.
“All right,” Jeff interjected, “so Caleb wants to be black. Nadia, it’s your turn.”
“Get at me, bro.”
“Your question is… How many times have you actually been in love?”
“Crap,” she whispered into her mic.
“Is this a hard question for you?”
“No,” she sighed. “It’s just that that’s my question.”
“Is it?” Rachel laughed.
“Yeah, I was like doing something for the news report and Kristin knocks on my door like, ‘Hey, I need your questions for Let’s Be Honest,’ and I really just scribbled the first things that came to mind.”
“Well that’s the danger of Let’s Be Honest,” Jeff proclaimed. “You might have to answer your own question.”
“Clearly,” she chuckled nervously. “Umm, how many times have I been in love…”
“That is your question.”
“Truthfully… I don’t think I ever have been,” she lied.
“I call BS.”
“Jeff! I’m serious.”
“You’re, what, thirty-one, thirty-two?”
“Thirty-two,” she confirmed, staring at him from over the soundboard. “What are you getting at?”
“I just highly doubt that someone like you “ you’re obviously very attractive, very smart, you’re easy to be around--.”
“Oh Jeff, you don’t know me as well as I thought you did,” she was laughing.
“No, but seriously, Nadia, you are what one would consider a ‘catch.’ And I find it hard to believe that some guy hasn’t swept you off your feet on multiple occasions.”
“Well Caleb attempts to on a weekly basis,” Rachel joked, seeing the tension mounting on Nadia’s face.
“I mean, I don’t know. I think in college there were a couple of flings, but nothing where I could say I was even close to being in love. Then I started working at the hospital, and I was way too busy to think about having a serious relationship. And since I’ve been here on the show, people won’t even talk to me,” she laughed.
“Very funny.”
“No, but… I really can’t think of any meaningful relationship I’ve had where I can decisively say, ‘I was in love with that person.’ I’ve loved people, sure, but in love?” She had conveniently decided to completely discount Alex from her dating history. “I don’t think so.”
“Well there you have it, Nadia Maraj has never been in love.”
“On the other hand,” Caleb began in his usual sarcastic tone, “I do believe that Jeff is in love with you.”
“I was just gonna say…” Rachel agreed. “I’m concerned as to what your wife will say after hearing this segment.”
“Catherine is gonna kill me,” Nadia noted, shaking her head.
Jeff laughed. “No, no, she’ll kill me, but that’s all right. These questions are designed to make everyone feel as awkward as possible, so mission accomplished, huh?”
“So who was next?” Nadia was eager to move on from that conversation.
“I object,” Caleb interceded before they could move on. “I feel like that was too easy of a question.”
“How was it any easier than your question!”
“I had a good answer, at least. You just say ‘I was never in love’ and we move on? I don’t think so.”
She rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, but she was a good sport. “I don’t care, I’ll answer another one.”
“You want to?” Jeff confirmed.
“Why not.”
“All right. Nadia, what were your first impressions of everyone on the show?”
“Ooh. Interesting.” She looked around the room and decided to start with the easiest, which was Rachel. “Rachel, I remember our meeting the clearest, because you just randomly called me before we’d ever even met, and you asked me out to dinner. And I thought, ‘Okay, she’s trying way too hard, she’s obviously a fake bitch.’”
The rest of the room laughed, but Rachel defended herself. “And I was totally just trying to be, like, a welcoming colleague. Like when Kristin said she found a replacement for Allison, the guys were very wary of meeting you, so yes, I called and asked you out, just to get a feel for you, but I promise it was very genuine.”
“No, I know that now!” Nadia chuckled. “And I think I told you at dinner, I was like, ‘This is either a very calculating move on your part, or you’re just really nice.’”
“You did.”
“And so after we had dinner, I quickly fell totally in love with this chick right here. Like, she was very open and honest, and I really, really dug that about her. I honestly strive to be more like her on a daily basis, so.“
“Aww, I love you too, Nadia.”
“So that was Rachel. Umm, Jeff. I remember meeting you with Kristin at, like, a hotel or something. And I just remember thinking, ‘Oh… he’s older than I thought he would be.”
“Okay…” was his only response.
“Not that you’re old! I mean, I guess I thought you were in your twenties or thirties when Kristin first told me about you. And when she said you had two kids, I guess that should have tipped me off, but it didn’t register with me at all. So when I found out you were forty, I was just a little… surprised. And I remember saying to Kristin, ‘Oh wow, he has great hair.’”
Laughing, he replied, “My wife says that to me every morning, too.”
“So that’s what I remember thinking about you,” she grinned. “As for Caleb, umm… I met Caleb last, and I think, I don’t know if he was just put off by my presence or what, but I thought he was kind of mean. Like, I’ll be totally honest, a part of me wondered if maybe he didn’t like black people. I didn’t know! He was just very… succinct when dealing with me. And now that I know him better, I know he’s that way with everyone, but he’s a big teddy bear underneath it all. But at first, I was just like, ‘Oh god, keep me away from him.’”
“You thought I was mean?” Caleb exclaimed in surprise. “I was totally in love with you.”
“You didn’t show it!”
“I was talking to someone the other day,” Jeff began to point out, “and they described Caleb as a contrarian, and I think that is a great description. He just does the opposite of what anyone else is doing or saying in any given social situation.”
“This is true.”
“That’s not true at all,” he countered, thereby proving that exact point. “Also, this game is dumb.”
“You’re the one that insisted on me answering another question.”
“Yeah, but it was supposed to make you uncomfortable. Not me.”
“I like you now, though!”
“I really don’t care. Who’s next.”
“Caleb!”
“Who’s next,” he repeated, ignoring Nadia completely.
“I do believe it’s my turn,” Rachel inserted, a bit relieved that the hardest question had most likely already been pulled for this round.
Jeff pulled out a strip of paper and read the question to himself, chuckling before reading it out loud. “Rachel, which member of the show would you most like to see naked?”
“Are you kidding me!” she shrieked, in disbelief that she was still receiving the most awkward inquisitions.
“That is the question.”
“All right,” she sighed, quickly glancing at everyone in the room. “I think I have to say Nadia.”
“Oh god,” Nadia whispered.
“I mean, Jeff and Caleb, I’m sure you’re both lovely, but over the weekend at Kristin’s parents’ house, we all had to get fitted for our dresses, and I got a peek of what Nadia is working with. Suffice it to say, I wouldn’t mind seeing a little bit more.”
“Oh god,” she said again, laughing.
“I’m just bein’ honest.”
“Clearly, today has been designated as ‘Let’s make Nadia as uncomfortable as possible while being honest.’”
“If you got it, flaunt it, my friend.”
“Please let us get this over with,” she exhaled, sitting back in her chair. “Jeff, what’s your question.”
“My question is, ‘Who do you think is the most selfish person on the show, and why?’”
“Ooh. Ouch,” Rachel commented, looking over to him. “Say Nadia, say Nadia!”
“Shut up, you weirdo!” Nadia frowned at her.
“You better not say me,” Caleb joked, “Every single time we hang out, you magically lose your wallet and I end up paying.”
“It’s not you,” Jeff chuckled. “I’m leaning towards Rachel, honestly.”
“Me?!”
“Yeah.”
“Why on earth would you pick me?”
“Only because you’ve been dating your boyfriend for, what, five years now? And you refuse to marry this guy. It just doesn’t make sense to me.”
“You also say it doesn’t make sense that I pay all the bills and let him do whatever he pleases. Even though that’s not true. How can I be selfish?”
“It doesn’t make sense,” he laughed. “In fact, it’s also selfish of you to take all the bills for yourself, so there we go.”
“I hate this game,” she whimpered jokingly. “Like really, can we play it like once a year?”
“I don’t disagree there.”
“I honestly didn’t mind this round so much,” Caleb was happy to admit. “Good job, everyone.”
“See what I mean? Contrary.”
“Isn’t it time to go to commercial yet?” Rachel sighed. “This is way too much, I need a moment.”
“Not quite,” Jeff was staring at his computer screen and saw one particular call that he deemed necessary to take. “Nadia, the game isn’t over for you yet.”
“Say what now?”
“We have a caller with a question for you. And he has requested to be on the voice disguiser? This is… John; good morning, sir.”
“Good morning,” an altered high-pitched voice greeted the rest of the show. “Good morning, Nadia.”
Nadia wasn’t completely sure, but her first thought upon hearing the caller’s chuckle was that it was actually Justin. “Good… morning,” she hesitantly replied. “What can I do for you, John?”
“Well you may or may not remember me,” he began, and she could tell he was smiling, “but we spent an interesting couple of days together in the Hamptons over the Fourth of July, and I haven’t heard from you since then. So I was just wondering if you ever planned to call me back.”
She was right, it was Justin. She looked over to Rachel, who was on the verge of screaming in delight for her, but Nadia kept her cool. “Well John, I thought we agreed that you were the one that had to make the first move.”
“Well I went by your apartment and your friend said she would tell you I stopped by. And now I’m calling you and putting my business out there for the entire world, so… I’m outta moves,” he chuckled. “Your turn.”
“I’m sorry, back up for a minute. When was this supposed visit to my house,” she was grinning.
“Tuesday night, around eight, eight-thirty. I spoke with your friend, Alejandra; she was wearing navy blue scrubs and a scarf around her head. She was a bit brief, not totally rude, but she said she would let you know I stopped by.”
“Wow, you’re serious.”
“I am very serious.”
“I never got the message,” she regretted to inform him. It had been three days since then, and she’d certainly seen Alex several times throughout the week, so she couldn’t imagine why, but alas… “Well I guess the ball is in my court then.”
“Indeed, it is.”
“You guys should maybe go out on a date,” Rachel incorporated from her side of the room. She winked at Nadia and added, “A real one.”
“Yeah, John, I don’t know if you were listening earlier, but Nadia here just informed us that she’s never been in love with anybody,” Jeff supplied, much to Nadia’s chagrin. “Maybe you can help her out with that.”
“Yeah, I heard,” he chuckled lightly. “Maybe we can work on that.”
“So Let’s Be Honest has obviously now turned into Love Connection,” Caleb bitterly noted. “Awesome.”
“Well, not unless she says yes.”
Nadia hated to be put on the spot like this. Even if she had been looking for love, it most certainly would not have been with Justin Timberlake, but she couldn’t turn the guy down on the radio. Not after he’d gone so far as to stop by her apartment and call her on air. She certainly couldn’t say he didn’t try. “Yeah, sure. Why not.”
Rachel and Jeff cheered, while Caleb sulked about her decision. Justin only laughed. “So you’ll call me to set things up.”
“I will call you,” she promised.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
An hour later, Justin was sitting in the lobby of the Soho Grand Hotel, supposed to be doing an interview with a guy from the New York Times. Instead, he was waiting for the guy, which would likely not bode well for their conversation. Justin was big on punctuality. Luckily, though, Nadia made good on her promise and he was immediately distracted from his irritation when her name popped up on his phone.
“Well that didn’t take long.”
“I have a few minutes while Rachel is doing the entertainment news,” she informed him. “So hi.”
“Hi.”
“I thought you didn’t listen to the show,” she recalled with a smile.
“Well I was up, and I found myself thinking about how you didn’t call me back, so I guess I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“You’re sweet.”
“Am I?”
“You’re trying to be, anyway.” She sighed, still unsure of this road she seemed to be barreling down, but it appeared that she didn’t have a choice in the matter at this point. She couldn’t back out now. “So you’re serious about this date, huh.”
“I am,” he returned skeptically, wondering if she was trying to find some way out of this. “Were you not?”
“No, no, we can go out. If you’re sure that’s what you want.”
“Why do you keep trying to scare me out of this?” he chuckled.
“I dunno,” she exhaled nervously. “I don’t know. I guess… in my head, if we’re just fucking, that’s fun, that’s harmless. But us dating? That sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.”
“Disasters are always waiting to happen. Why not see how it goes.”
“That’s cool with me, that’s fine. I just don’t want you to expect anything, I guess?”
“Trust me, Nadia, I don’t expect anything but maybe a nice evening out. And I’m leaving for Europe in a couple of days, so it won’t even be soon.”
“Oh, really? What’s in Europe?”
“I have a movie coming out?” he reminded her. “And lucky me, I get to spend the next few weeks promoting it.”
“This is the movie you did with Mila?” she guessed.
“That would be the one.”
“And is she gonna be in Europe with you?”
“She will,” he confirmed, though truth be told, he was not looking forward to that part in the least.
“I see.” She was doing her best not to sound disappointed, and possibly even jealous, but she wasn’t exactly known for her acting skills. “Well okay, we’ll go out when you get back then, I guess.”
“Is that all right?”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m great," she answered distractedly. "I have to get back to the show, but umm… call me, okay? If you want to, I mean.”
She suddenly sounded very unsure of herself, and Justin couldn’t gauge exactly why. “Of course I will.”
"And hey," she spoke softly, almost as if contrite, "you don't owe me anything, you know.”
“Nadia, why”“
“Just keep that in mind. I gotta go.”
And before he knew it, the line was dead. He wasn't sure what had just happened, or why Nadia was so skittish at the mention of Mila and Europe, but he was beginning to realize that perhaps she was right -- he had no idea what he was getting into. At that point, all he could hope was that it would be worth it.
i'm not your babe by Ashley
twelve: i’m not your babe
“Alex!” Nadia came bursting into her apartment, shouting her roommate’s name, knowing she was probably upstairs asleep, and she wanted her to hear her loud and clear. “Alex, get your fucking ass down here!”
After a few seconds, the sound of footsteps could be heard shuffling across the floor until finally, she appeared at the top of the staircase. “What’s your problem?” she asked sleepily.
“Justin stopped by earlier this week?”
“What?”
“Don’t do this, Alex, please. Justin came by here Tuesday night and you didn’t say anything.”
“I don’t remember that,” she blatantly lied, turning to go back into her bedroom. “I worked a twelve-hour shift last night, I don’t have time for this.”
“You better get your punk ass back here or I’m putting you out.”
She turned back around and peered down at Nadia. “Why do you even care?”
“Why do I care that you didn’t give me a message you specifically said you would deliver? Are you really that dense?”
“No, why do you care that he stopped by?”
Nadia paused to search for a reason, but she didn’t really have one. Instead, she focused on the fact that that was beside the point. “That’s none of your business, Alejandra. You don’t get to fucking choose what I need to know.”
“I forgot!”
“You’re lying!”
“You obviously got the message, why the fuck does it matter?” she was shouting in frustration. “I swear to god, you just like to argue.”
“He thought I was ignoring him!”
“Who the fuck cares?”
“I do!”
“You seriously confuse the shit outta me, Nadia. One day, you’re on the phone with whoever, calling him an asshole; the next, you’re on the radio crying about him not calling you back. And all the while, last time I checked, you was into chicks, not dicks.”
“Shut the fuck up, Alex.”
“Is it not true?” she was shouting.
“I’m serious, shut the fuck up!”
“Too pussy to admit that you like pussy, huh.”
“I’m not doing this with you,” she smirked tiredly. She was sick of having to defend herself to Alex. “You have to stay out of my business.”
“Then keep me out of your business.”
“I’m trying to! If you’ll recall, I didn’t even want you to move in. You’re the one that inserts yourself into every-fucking-thing.”
“You should appreciate that I’m looking out for you.”
“Alex! What the fuck goes on in your head? You obviously have no sense of propriety or any self-awareness whatsoever if you think that you’re looking out for anyone but yourself.”
“I'm the one who lack self awareness? Ha!" She cackled as if it was the funniest thing she'd ever heard. "Nadia, you are a walking fucking cliché. You seduced that man so you could fool yourself into some fantasy world where you pretend you're, I guess, what you consider normal. Just accept the fact that you're a lesbian.”
“I'm not a lesbian, you cunt. For the past five years, you've convinced yourself that you can make me fall in love with you," she shook her head for the pitiful woman standing before her. "You've been so determined to make me like you. And for a while, it was cute, I guess. And I fell for it a little bit. Mainly out of boredom. But Alejandra, you have to get it through your head. I do not love you. Never did, never will."
Alex exhaled sharply as Nadia’s words cut her like knives. "You've always had a hard heart," she sniffled, wiping the tears that were gracing her cheeks. "I never understood how patients liked you so much, you were so cold so often. But now, you are straight up cruel. I don't know what to say to you."
"You keep pushing me when I don't want to be pushed," she shrugged. "You back me into corners with your adamant ass. Stop doing that and maybe you'll stop getting hurt."
"Fuck you, Nadia."
"Fuck you! You wanna keep acting like I'm the bad guy, fine. Just don't be surprised when I tear you apart."
"Why won't you love me?" she pleaded quietly. "What's so bad about me?"
"Oh god."
Nadia knew better than to get wrapped up with such a young one in the first place. They were less than six years apart, but in terms of maturity, it felt like an eternity between them. And it showed from their first meeting and every day since. At her best, Alejandra was a burst of sunshine on days where things often seemed dark in Nadia's life. But at her worst, which was much too often for anyone's liking, Alex was unpredictable, petulant, and emotional. She was the reason Nadia loved and hated being with a woman.
February 2007…
The long night had finally turned into morning, and Nadia couldn’t have been more relieved. She had just given her notice, and the countdown was on for her to get out of that god-forsaken emergency room for good. But of course, nothing comes without a price, and when she saw Alex rounding the corner with her coat and bag in hand, she realized that this was not going to be a clean break.
“You ready, mama?” Alex called out to her, still amused that they had such a closely matching schedule. When they got off work in the mornings, they would walk to the subway together, and sometimes, when Nadia was too tired to make it all the way to Brooklyn, she would come home with her. She hoped today would be one of those days.
“Umm. Yeah.” Nadia paused for a long time, trying to figure out how she was going to break this news to her friend “ the only one of her coworkers she truly cared about leaving. “One of the EMTs said it’s like two degrees out, so I was gonna take a cab. You wanna ride?”
“Oh. Okay, yeah,” Alex grinned. “Absolutely.”
“All right, let me just sign out and I’ll be right out.”
Alex nodded and threw on her coat, heading for the hospital exit ahead of her girlfriend. She was giddy at the thought that she’d be riding home with Nadia for a change. That never happened. In a year and a half, she had been to Nadia’s apartment maybe three times, and never for more than an hour or so. Maybe that was finally changing, she thought.
A few minutes later, Nadia was standing beside her, smiling as if she had a secret she wanted to tell. And that was because she did. “You wanna go get some breakfast?” she suggested, attempting to get the attention of one of the many approaching cabs.
“Yeah,” Alex shrugged. She was exhausted, but she was definitely not going to turn down an invitation to breakfast.
They huddled into the taxi, relieved by its warmth and Nadia requested, “Ninth Avenue between Fifteenth and Sixteenth.”
“You don’t wanna eat at Bubby’s?” Alex questioned, that being their usual spot when they had days off.
“Well that’s kind of far, isn’t it?”
“Well if we’re going to Brooklyn anyway…”
“Are you coming to Brooklyn?”
“Oh. I thought… that’s what you said?”
“Oh, I was just offering to drop you off at home,” Nadia chuckled awkwardly. “I didn’t know you wanted to come home with me.”
“Oh. Right.” Alex waved off the miscommunication as if her heart hadn’t just sunk. “Of course.”
“Is that all right?”
“Yeah, yeah, of course. That’s fine. Honestly, I can just hop on the train after breakfast, it’s no big deal. I'm used to the cold.”
“Alex…”
“It’s fine.”
“I have something I need to tell you,” she admitted quietly, wanting to get it over with. Alex always had so many expectations, she knew the conversation would be a bumpy one.
“Okay…”
“All right, well,” she sighed heavily. “I’ve wanted to tell you this for a couple of days now, but I didn’t want to jinx it, so I just sat on it until I was sure.”
“You’re scaring me,” Alex chuckled.
“Well as you know, I’ve been thinking about switching careers for a while now, and the opportunity recently presented itself and I’ve gotten a job offer elsewhere. So I wanted to let you know that I put in my two weeks’ notice last night. I’m leaving the hospital…” she trailed off, seeing Alex’s expression fall completely.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to be on the radio,” she couldn’t contain a smile at the thought. “I’m joining The Cameron Crew on KTU.”
“Wow.”
“I don’t even know how it happened “ I’m still trying to figure it all out. But Dr. Zandstra introduced me to this chick, Kristin, at the fundraiser we had last week and we hit it off, and here I am.”
“Leaving,” Alex nodded sadly. “Wow.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Why do I feel like you’re not?”
“What?”
“You’re happy about this.”
“Of course I’m happy,” Nadia frowned. “Obviously, yes. But I’m sorry if you’re hurt that I’m leaving.”
“Fuck you.”
“What the fuck,” she was trying not to shout as the cab pulled up to Sarabeth’s for their inevitably tense breakfast. She paid the driver and shuffled out of the car and into the warm restaurant as quickly as possible, whispering to Alex once they were at the host stand. “Are you really gonna be a bitch about this?”
“You drop this bomb on me with no warning at all, and you really expect me to be happy?”
“For me? Yes, I guess I foolishly expected that you would be excited that I’m getting this opportunity.”
“How am I supposed to be happy for something that’s ruining my life?”
“Oh god,” Nadia exhaled loudly as they were led to their table. “Why are you so fucking melodramatic?”
“I’m serious,” Alex whined. “I go to that hospital and make it through each day because you’re there with me. How the hell am I supposed to do this without you, Nadia?”
“You just do! You get in, you do your job, and go home. I don’t see why it’s such a big fucking deal.”
“You’re leaving me!” she was starting to cry. “You’re leaving me and you don’t give a shit.”
“Alex…”
“Spare me, Nadia. Please.” She wiped her tears and her red nose with her napkin and looked down at the table, scared and unwilling to face the woman across from her. “You’re always trying to get away from me.”
“What?”
“Why won’t you love me?”
“Oh my god,” Nadia whispered to herself. She couldn’t believe that this was what their conversation had come to. “Alex, I like you. I genuinely enjoy the time we spend together, and I don’t plan for that to stop just because I’m leaving the hospital. But you have to stop. You--.”
“Stop what,” she cut her off abruptly. “Stop loving you?”
“Stop making me feel like an asshole for living my life.”
“Why is it that living your life and breaking my heart are always one in the same?”
“You’re such a child,” she sighed.
“Yeah, you’re so much more mature. You’re so much better than me,” Alejandra mocked her in a low, sarcastic tone. “You have it all together. You live in the rich part of Brooklyn! You’re best friends with a doctor! And now you’re gonna be on the radio talking to celebrities! You’re so much better than me. I wish I had it all together like you, Nadia.”
“You’re crazy.”
“I’m the crazy one?” she cackled maliciously. “I hope those white people at that radio station know how fucked up you are. I mean, shit. Not only are you a very gifted liar, but let's see. You got mommy issues, daddy issues, commitment issues, you got fucking homo issues… And let’s not even talk about the fucked up shit you’ve seen in that circus of an emergency room over there. You got the market cornered on crazy, mami. So fuck you. I hope you have a wonderful time over there, trying to hide your many, many issues.”
Nadia looked down to see her hands trembling as Alex spoke. She could just envision wrapping them around her scrawny little neck, if only for a second. “Alex,” her voice shook in anger, “if that’s how you really feel about me, then why the fuck are you so obsessed with me?”
She shook her head, never having had a plausible answer to that question. “You can’t help who you fall in love with.”
“You’re crazy,” she chuckled again, if only to keep herself from spontaneous combustion. “You’re crazy, and I can’t do this with you.”
Alex looked up to her as if she’d just been shot in the chest. “What?”
“I can’t do this. I can’t… you’re too much for me. It’s too much, it’s too consuming trying to make you happy and me happy. I mean, if I have to choose, it’s gonna be me, every time.”
“Nadia… I love you.”
“I know,” she nodded sadly, looking her square in the eye. She grabbed her purse and pulled out all the cash she had, leaving Alex with three twenties, which would be more than enough for her to get breakfast and get a cab home.
“Nadia, please don’t leave like this,” she was crying again. “Please. I’m sorry.”
“Stop it,” she hissed at her through gritted teeth, not wanting to be embarrassed any further. “Stop it.”
“I’m sorry,” she grabbed her hand, almost falling out of her chair as Nadia continued to move away from her. “Please don’t go.”
Wrestling out of her grasp, she looked down at the pitiful sight before her. A year and a half “ mostly fully of fucking and fighting “ and all she could bear to leave her with was sixty bucks. “Take care of yourself, Alejandra.”
“Nadia, I swear, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Alex was pleading with her, yet again. “I just don’t want you to leave me.”
“Alex, I’m not with you!” she shouted angrily. “It’s over! It’s been over. And letting you live stay here was obviously a huge error in judgment on my part, because you just don’t get it.”
“I just want to love you,” she sniffled pitifully.
“You gotta go, kid.” Nadia turned so she wouldn’t have to face her teary, pleading gray eyes. “I’m fucked up enough as it is without having to justify your existence in my life.”
“Where am I supposed to go? You’re it for me.”
“I can’t care anymore. I can’t. Get your shit and… I dunno, figure it out.”
Alex didn’t know why she was even remotely surprised. Nadia had broken her heart so many times before, she was silly to think that this would be any different. She would beg, Nadia would say no, then a few weeks or months later, she would find some way back into her life. Lather, rinse, repeat. But that didn’t stop Alex from turning their breakups into an epic poem, because what if this time really was the last time? The thought almost killed her, so she pushed it away.
“I know you want to believe that this is the end,” she prophesized optimistically, “but… I’ll see you again.”
Nadia looked on, bored, as Alex trudged towards the door. “Don’t count on it.”
thirteen: exes in paris
Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember
Justin had gone through some trying times in his short thirty years on earth, but as July was reaching its last few weeks, he knew that he was going to be tested several times before the month came to a close. His latest foray into films, Friends With Benefits, was finally being released worldwide, and as his first leading role, he, of course, wanted it to do well. The trouble with that, he’d shot the movie almost a year ago, with his wife at the time, and while tensions were high, neither of them considered that they’d be divorced by the time they had to promote the film. Needless to say, it made for an awkward press tour.
“Justin, are you sure you want to do this?” His publicist, Sonia, was walking him up to the stage, where he would be filming an interview segment with Mila.
And while Sonia was giving him a choice, he knew he didn’t really have one if this film had any chance of succeeding. All the press about their divorce wasn’t exactly helping them sell a feel good romantic comedy. “It’s fine,” he told her as they approached the stage. Mila was sitting in her seat already, and he admired the way her long dark locks fell over her face as she looked down at whatever she was looking at. “How bad could it be.”
“All right. Well… don’t say anything stupid.”
“Oh hey, thanks.” He walked onto the small platform and greeted his ex-wife cordially. “Fancy meeting you here.”
She looked up from her phone with bright eyes, as if she really didn’t expect for him to show up. “Hey.”
“How’s it going?”
“Not bad,” she shrugged, watching him sit down. She took note of his green and black Jordans and commented, “Nice kicks.”
Remembering that she had given them to him, he chuckled in response. “Thanks.” He watched her go back to whatever she had been doing and began to look around the set, his eyes unintentionally landing on Mila’s engagement ring. It was very different from the simple wedding band he’d given her so many years ago. The gaudy monstrosity on her hand now was not Mila’s style at all. “How’s press been going for you?” he decided to open up the conversation.
She looked up, seemingly surprised that he was saying words to her. She shrugged again. “As good as can be expected, I guess. Getting a little sick of the ‘How awkward is it to be naked’ questions, but besides that…”
He nodded with raised eyebrows, as he so often tended to do. “You all packed and ready for Europe?”
“Yep,” she sighed, sitting back in her oversized chair. She was clearly not into having a conversation with him.
“Okay then.”
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
The two of them stayed silent for the next five minutes while people ran in circles preparing them for their interview. Finally, a director-type walked onto the stage to greet them and gave them a rundown of how they would be doing things, just before handing Justin the clapperboard.
“All right, here we go,” he glanced at Mila, hoping she didn’t make this any more awkward than it already was. “Everybody good? Got your focus on that?” The cameraman nodded and he went ahead and clapped the slate. “All right, mothafuckas.”
When the lights came on, it was as if Mila had transformed into a different person. She was smiling and talkative and very much unlike the person he’d previously been sitting across from. He wasn’t sure whether he liked it or not, and in turn, ended up being a bit more subdued than he’d originally planned. Nonetheless, their unscripted interview appeared to be going well to the naked eye.
It was Mila’s turn to read a question from a fan. “’Semisonic’s “Closing Time” and Kriss Kross’ “Jump” are both featured in the film. What is your favorite nineties jam?’” she pointed to Justin before realizing she had her own answer to the question. “Ooh, I have mine.”
“Oh man. You do?”
“I do.”
“What is it?”
“It’s Salt-n-Pepa, ‘Push It.’ I don’t know why I love that song.”
Justin began to imitate the music to the song, but quickly came to an epiphany. “Is that nineties?”
“Yeah, Salt-n-Pepa is nineties isn’t it? It’s like ’91, ’92.”
“I’m thinking late eighties,” he countered as if he was unsure, even though he knew he was right. “Is that early nineties?”
“Oh, no, no, no. ‘Push It’ is nineties.”
She was wrong. And he knew it. But he relented. As he always did. “Okay.”
They swiftly moved through the rest of the interview as if they were the best of friends, singing together, hilariously impersonating one another, and laughing hysterically in between. For all intents and purposes, it seemed that they had transformed back into the old version of themselves. The happy version. And while it only lasted about thirty minutes, it was so nice to see for all the people that knew them well.
Sonia was smiling from ear to ear when Justin walked off of the set. “Not too shabby, mister.”
He rolled his eyes at the entire ordeal. “Can we go now?”
“Yeah, sure. But what’s wrong, it went well.”
“That’s because, as usual, I painted my happy face over a disaster and saved the day,” he made sure to be loud enough for Mila to hear. “I’m ready to get the fuck outta here.”
“Well we can go.”
Mila was passing by with her own publicist and she glared at him as if her life depended on it.
“But by the way,” he called after her, “’Push It’ was released in 1986.” Under his breath he also added, “You incorrigible twat.”
Sonia hit him in the arm, but Mila, even though she was halfway across the room, heard and was able to retort for herself. “No one cares, you incorrigible douche!”
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
“Who the fuck put us in a movie together,” he sighed, walking with Sonia towards the elevators.
“Well you two insisted that this was a good idea, so… hey. I told you that working with a spouse is never a good idea.”
“Well you do it.”
“Yeah, and I want to strangle him at least six times a day,” she laughed. “It’s not for everybody. And certainly not for a marriage that was already on the rocks.”
“We weren’t already on the rocks.”
“Justin…”
“What?”
“I’m your publicist. I’m the one person that does know the real story,” she reminded him.
He sighed heavily. He was so exasperated by it all. “I think we thought it would help,” he finally admitted to himself why he took this role in the first place. “Spending more time together, laughing together. But in between takes, there was no laughter.”
She quickly rubbed her client’s back, hating how much of a toll this divorce was taking on him. “You’ll be all right,” she promised. “When all is said and done, you’ll come out on the other side, and you’ll be just fine.”
“But until then…”
“Until then, there’s Europe.”
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Justin had arrived in France a couple of days ahead of time, wanting to take in the sights and sounds of the city of Paris before it was ruined by press junkets and, well, Mila. He did some shopping, some sightseeing, which he rarely got to do when he came to Europe, and with just his security and his publicist there with him, he was pretty much alone for the ride, which he enjoyed.
Unfortunately, though, work did its job of catching up with him, and he found himself sitting next to Mila, yet again, preparing for a series of interviews where the two of them had to pretend they didn’t hate each other. It seemed they were doing more acting now than they did when they were shooting the film.
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over
When they were introduced by the show’s host, they appeared on stage looking every bit the perfect married couple. Mila’s navy blue dress matched Justin’s blazer to a tee, and his white slacks and light blue shirt complemented the outfit perfectly.
“Look at you two with your matching ensembles!” the French host cooed, welcoming them to the screaming crowd. “You belong on top of a wedding cake!”
Mila and Justin awkwardly took their seats on the couch, making sure to sit an appropriate proximity to one another, so as not to appear cold and detached. And they laughed, avoiding the host’s statement as the crowd died down.
“Welcome! Thank you for coming.”
“Thank you for having us,” Justin grinned, waving to everyone.
“So as you may or may not know, this is a bit of a different type of show. We like to start off our guests with a quick aperitif.”
“What is that, that’s a drink isn’t it,” Mila turned to Justin.
“That is a drink. A drink appetizer, if you will,” the host confirmed, just as a tray full of alcohol appeared in front of them.
“Oh, okay.”
“You have the right guests for this one,” Justin commented, eyeing the tray for anything he might enjoy.
Mila didn’t hesitate to pick up a big bottle of pink vodka and open it for herself.
“Let me get you a glass, Mila. Justin, you pick whatever you like.”
“You can go ahead and pick one for me.”
“I’m not a lady, I don’t need a glass,” she countered, taking a swig straight from the bottle.
“I, however, am a lady, so I’ll take that,” Justin joked, receiving a glass full of some blue concoction as the audience laughed.
As the two of them enjoyed their cocktails, the host went on to begin the interview. “So. ‘Friends With Benefits,’ is the name of the movie, it was hysterical, by the way, but for those who don’t know what that is, explain what is a ‘friend with benefits?’”
“Well,” Justin cleared his throat, setting his drink down in front of him, “in the film, we play two people who are just getting out of relationships at the beginning of the film. And we realize that we don’t really want that anymore, so we drunkenly stumble into the idea that we should have benefits.”
“That makes sense,” the quirky host appended, “because I have sex with people on benefits.”
As the audience laughed, Mila nodded, “That’s a good way to have sex.”
“Now in the film, it’s rather interesting because you saw that the women can’t have sex because they get emotionally involved.”
“Uh oh.” Justin knew Mila had strong feelings about this.
“What, it’s true, isn’t it?”
“Well,” Mila began with an impish frown.
“You see how her face crinkled up,” Justin noted. “Somebody’s in trouble.”
“Am I in trouble?” the host jokingly wondered.
“Well it’s not me.”
“It’s not you,” she smiled.
“Have I pushed the wrong button?” the host directed to her.
“Well I just want to point out that in the film, it’s both characters that get emotionally attached. Umm, the man just puts his foot in his mouth and says the wrong thing, and the female is more… vocal about it. But umm… yeah.”
“I see.”
“I don’t find that to be my take on the film at all,” Justin interceded, shaking his head as everyone laughed. “I think the woman goes particularly insane, and uh, the male just has to put up with it, so…”
“Well if I’m not mistaken, the man was kind of a jackass,” Mila maintained. To anyone watching, it appeared that they were joking, but between the two of them, the exchange was contentious at best.
“So,” the host swiftly moved to his next subject. “I understand you two were married at the time you shot the film. And now you’re not.”
“That is correct,” Justin answered hesitantly. He knew this was on the list of things not to be asked, so he was unsure as to why it was being brought up.
“How awkward that must be, interviewing as a divorced couple.”
“No, it’s not awkward at all,” Mila stated sarcastically. “Let’s talk about it some more.”
Justin laughed.
“But really, is it odd for the two of you sitting here? Or are you one of those couples that are friends?”
The two of them looked at one another and Mila searched for a diplomatic answer that would get them to the next question. “I think we’re both still learning how to deal with it, just as any other couple would. Promoting the movie has been… interesting, but nothing that two mature adults wouldn’t be able to handle. It’s work, so…”
“So this might be a time that you two hate your jobs as much as the rest of us.”
“It’s not as peculiar as it sounds,” Justin promised everyone watching. “But back to the movie…”
“Yes, yes, back to the movie. Mila, it was reported that you filed for divorce a week after you finished shooting the film. Is that correct?”
“Umm… I think we want to focus on the actual movie,” she returned a bit tersely.
Justin could see Sonia and Mila’s publicist, Ali, approaching the side of the stage. They didn’t usually interrupt televised interviews, but they would if they had to. “Yeah, um, I think we came to the conclusion that friends with benefits is a sound concept, but execution is easier said than done.”
Ignoring them, the host went on with his line of questioning. “Rumors stated that you fought very much on the set of the film. Was it, perhaps, a mistake working together?”
Unsure of what to say, Justin looked over to Sonia, who was gesturing for him to run around in circles, it appeared. He didn’t know what she was saying. And Mila looked to him for guidance, as she so often did in times of need, neither of them quite sure what to respond with.
He took a sip from his drink and joked, “Geez, is it hot in here to anyone else?”
Mila followed suit and added, “Now I see why they gave us these drinks.”
“Well why not, we’re all friends here.” This host was adamant in getting a scoop from the two of them. “But really, I am concerned that perhaps the two of you did not have enough benefits in your relationship. And why no children?”
This was really happening, apparently. Justin found himself getting up from his seat, and without hesitating, he walked off the set, leaving his co-star to follow.
"What the fuck was that," he was saying to Sonia as the four of them hustled backstage.
"That was an ambush," Mila submitted from behind. "That guy was an asshole."
"Don't move," Sonia told Justin, just as several producers approached the foursome. "Don't say a word."
Nodding, he watched his publicist and Mila's argue over agreements and details while Mila stood next to him, looking like a scared puppy. "You look troubled."
"This is bad," she lamented, watching as the argument escalated. "People are gonna hear about this."
"Fuck people."
She couldn't help but smile at his defiance. The spark in him had clearly been ignited, and she was happy to see it. "I'm glad you got up. I couldn't do it, even though I wanted to."
"I mean, what would you have said?" he chuckled bitterly. "Who even asks that?"
"People in France."
"Fuck people in France."
"You're silly," she smirked.
"I'm annoyed."
She moved closer to him, realizing how thankful she was to be going through whatever this was with someone she knew. Someone familiar. But her heart sank when Justin suddenly walked away. The disagreement had dissipated, and Sonia had signaled for him so that they could go, but she was rather surprised when he just... left.
"Well bye to you too," she mumbled to herself.
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Lyrics: "Somebody That I Used to Know" - Gotye feat. Kimbra (Making Mirrors)
fourteen: date night
The night was young, but abuzz with summer serenading the city, and Mila was so relieved to be back in it. Her promotional trip to Europe had been nothing short of a disaster, and she couldn’t wait to fall into the arms of her man and forget all her other troubles. Luckily, it was date night, and that was exactly how she planned to spend the next few hours.
“Jimmy, you should start getting ready!” she called to her fiancé from the bathroom as she dusted her face with a light layer of pressed powder. “I made a reservation for seven so we can catch a movie afterwards if we want. I still haven’t seen Harry Potter, and I’m not gonna lie “ I’m a little pressed about it.”
She continued through her makeup ritual, and had gotten through one cheek’s worth of blush when she realized she hadn’t heard him stir or even reply. “James!”
“I’m up!” he shouted back groggily, making it obvious that he was not, in fact, up.
She moved towards the bedroom of their palatial apartment, finding him still comfortably curled up in bed. “This is the opposite of up, you know.”
“I’m getting there,” he smiled warmly at her, once his eyes were able to focus on anything in front of him. “It’ll only take me five minutes.”
“Bozhe moi,” she mumbled to herself. “We’re gonna be late, and we’re gonna get our reservation taken by some weirdos, and our whole night’s gonna be fucked up, you know.”
“You’re funny,” he attempted to laugh, but ended up yawning. “Babe, I promise I’ll be ready.”
“All right,” she threw her hands up in defeat and headed back to the bathroom to complete her task. She was sporting an extremely adorable red skirt, cream shirt combination, and it took her longer than expected to decide on an eyeshadow color, so she was all the more frustrated when James still hadn’t moved. “What the fuck, babe.”
He was still in bed. Halfway comatose, actually.
Mila walked to his side of the bed, prepared to shake him awake, but she stopped herself. She assessed the situation, and tried to do something different than her typical overreaction. She hadn’t been home in a week, and without her there to nag him, it was likely he hadn’t slept more than a couple of hours within that time. He worked so hard, and she knew she had to be understanding of the fact that he was tired. And he deserved to be. After all, it could have been much worse. He could have been off in god-knows-where, cheating on her with god-knows-who, but he wasn’t. He was at home, in his bed, resting. That, she was okay with “ even if it meant sitting at home watching reruns of Mob Wives.
She kicked off her heels and softly kissed the palm of James’ unwitting hand. “Khorosho vyspat’sya, my love.” She left him to his slumber while she headed for the kitchen to find herself some dinner.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
It was half past 9:00 when Nadia arrived at Ava Lounge and she was immediately put off by the atmosphere. It was one of those ultra hip lounges, done up with blocky white furniture and contemporary “art.” If it weren’t for the fantastic views of the city, the place would have belonged more in South Beach than midtown. It wasn’t the New York that she loved, but that was the risk she took when allowing a non-native to choose the place.
She found Justin on the rooftop, sitting by himself, idly watching the city bustling below him. When he spotted her, he stood to greet her, and she took note of the fact that he was rocking the hell out of some seersucker pants, paired perfectly with another navy blue suit jacket. He had a fresh haircut and his facial hair was well maintained. He looked good.
“Hey,” she smiled when they were face to face.
“Hey,” he returned, offering her a peck to the cheek after giving her a once-over. “You look lovely.”
And she did. She donned a green sequined top over a pair of high-waisted white shorts that showed off her endless legs, topped off by her one and only pair of red-bottoms “ a birthday gift from Kristin and Grant. Her coifed curly afro and golden toned makeup gave her face a warm glow when she smiled at him.
“Thank you, thank you.”
He courteously helped her into her seat before taking his own again. “How’ve you been?”
“I’ve been good, I guess. It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you.”
“Does it?”
“Well not literally, but it’s been a month or so, hasn’t it?”
“Since the holiday, I guess,” he realized with a nod. “Well I assure you I’m the same person.”
“I’m not sure whether that’s a good thing,” she grinned at her joke. Seeing that he hadn’t even looked up from the wine list, she pushed past it and moved on. “So how was Europe?”
He finally looked up from his reading and shrugged. “It was Europe. Same old, same old.”
“I’ve never been, so I don’t know what that means.”
“You’ve never been to anywhere in Europe?”
“I’ve never been anywhere outside of North America.”
He couldn’t imagine… “Wow.”
“So what’s it like?”
He shrugged again as he searched for words to aptly describe it. “Umm, I dunno. It’s full of intricate architecture and you can tell the history is just richer there. I mean, things are old, but, like the people are much more sophisticated… for the most part.”
She was nodding. “What’s your favorite city over there?”
Well it definitely wasn’t Paris, he thought to himself. “Probably Dublin,” he quickly decided. “We didn’t get a chance to go there this time, but we’ve always had a good time there.”
Assuming that he meant he and Mila when he said ‘we,’ she went ahead and asked what she really wanted to know. “So I hear you and Mila walked off the set of an interview over there.”
He really didn’t want to talk about that, or anything involving Mila, honestly. The whole ordeal of making and promoting the movie had become a thorn in his side. The movie ruined his marriage, and the promotion was on the verge of ruining his career. To top it off, while the film was generally well-received by critics, it didn’t have the best opening in his own country. He was frustrated by it all. “Where did you hear that,” he eventually replied, going back to searching for a suitable drink.
“Rachel,” she chuckled uneasily. “She does all the celebrity news on our show, so…”
He nodded.
“If I’m making you uncomfortable, please let me know.”
“I’m not uncomfortable,” he lied.
“I mean, I thought we had a better rapport than this, but if I was wrong in assuming…”
“What are you talking about, Nadia? Am I not answering your questions?”
“You’re answering them as though you’re going through Chinese water torture.”
“Okay, well I’m sorry if I don’t feel like discussing my troubles with my ex on the first real date I’ve had in ten years.”
Nadia immediately retreated from the exchange, a bit surprised by his admission. She thought, for sure, that Justin Timberlake would be out with a new chick every week, at the least. “I’m sorry, did you say I’m your first date in a decade?”
He nodded. “My first real one, yeah.”
“What does that mean? You’ve been on fake dates?”
“I mean, I’ve had friends try to set me up because they knew someone that would be ‘perfect’ for me, but they all turned out disastrously.” With a sigh, he sat back in his chair and crossed his legs. “You’re the first person I’ve asked out of my own volition.”
“I don’t know whether to be flattered or terrified,” she chuckled.
“You should probably be both.”
They halted their strained conversation to order drinks and appetizers, while the rooftop slowly filled up with patrons and pop music. Taking in the scene, Nadia decided to ask him, “What made you pick this place?”
He frowned at the question as if he were offended by it. She probably could have asked him why he had a small penis and gotten the same reaction. He did not like to be second-guessed. “I dunno, it seemed like your style.”
“My style?” Now she seemed insulted. “What the fuck makes you think that?”
“You have that ‘trendy’ vibe about you. I dunno.”
“So you consciously picked this place thinking I would like it.”
“Yeah,” he nodded. “I mean, I didn’t think you’d wanna go to some hipster dive bar where I’d usually hang out.”
“You underestimate me, sir.”
“I don’t think I did,” he maintained his standpoint. “I mean, you’re dressed like every other woman here…”
“And what the fuck is that supposed to mean,” she narrowed her eyes at him. “Like you don’t look like some metro douchebag.”
“When did I ever claim not to be a metro douchebag.”
She was annoyed with him, but she found herself laughing at his little joke. “You’re such a dick.”
“I haven’t heard that before.”
“It’s a wonder you stayed married even ten years.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” he chuckled derisively. “But hell, at least I got someone to marry me. What’s this talk about you’ve never been in love?”
Suddenly, she very much regretted that she broadcasted so much of her life on the airwaves. “What do you mean what’s it about? I just haven’t. I don’t think.”
“You don’t think?”
“How do you know?”
“How do you know when you’re in love?”
“Yeah,” she nodded. “I mean, maybe I have been and I just didn’t know it.”
“Wow. Umm… I-I-I don’t know if I know.”
“How did you know you were in love with Mila? Why did you want to marry her?”
“Oh god, I was so young and stupid. I’m not sure that love had anything to do with it.”
“Oh come on, when you’re that young, love has everything to do with it.”
“Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you add them all up, they meant that we were supposed to be together. And I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home…only to no home I'd ever known. I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like…magic.”
Her mouth fell agape and then transformed into a smile as the two of them were served their drinks. “Excuse me, did you just quote Sleepless in Seattle?”
He took a sip of his Cabernet Sauvignon and smiled back. “You’ve seen that one, huh.”
“Who the fuck hasn’t seen that.”
“Well you really didn’t strike me as the type to dig a romcom.”
“Fuck you very much, I love romantic comedies.” She was shaking her head again, though it was rather laughable that every assumption he had about her seemed to end up being wrong. “I think it’s time you stopped trying to figure me out, man.”
“Apparently so.”
“I’m really kind of offended.”
“Why?”
“Like I couldn’t’ like a romantic movie,” she scoffed. “Fuck outta here.”
“I didn’t mean it in a bad way, you just seem to have such an edge about such things…”
She made sure to exaggeratedly roll her eyes at him. “You’re an idiot.”
“Again, you are not the first person to say that.”
“And likely won’t be the last.”
He smiled as he took another sip of his wine. “What’s the best romcom line ever made. In your opinion. And don’t say Jerry Maguire.”
“Why not,” she frowned.
“So overrated. ‘You complete me.’ Come on.”
“Are you kidding me?” she shrieked. “That’s fucking brilliant!”
“It’s fucking stupid.”
“Everyone’s a critic,” she sighed. “But that’s not my favorite one anyway, so I’ll let that go.”
“Okay, well what is it.”
“You tell me yours.”
“I asked first.”
“You’re impossible.” She thought for a moment and then looked up at him as if she’d just discovered the line for the first time. “I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.”
It took him a moment to recall exactly where the quote was from before he decided he didn’t like it. “Nope.”
“’Nope’ what?” she almost yelled.
“Don’t like it.”
“Why the fuck not?”
“Lame.”
“Okay, I bet you’re gonna have some long ass quote that’s super cheesy and no one would ever remember. I like my shit simple.”
“And also lame as fuck, apparently,” he grinned.
“Well fine, big shot, what’s yours?”
“’Me? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw, I'm scared of what I did, of who I am. And most of all, I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life”.”
“The way I feel when I'm with you,” Nadia finished for him. “Fuck me, that’s a good one.”
“It’s the best one, obviously.”
“It’s up there,” she agreed. “You know your shit.”
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Aside from the minor bumps along the way, Nadia and Justin’s date had gone rather well. They didn’t eat or drink too much, for the conversation was enough to keep them occupied, and they liked it that way. As Justin was driving her home, and they got closer to the Brooklyn Bridge, Nadia realized she wasn’t ready for it to end. She wasn’t even listening to him ramble about his Irish roots and growing up in Tennessee. All she could focus on was the fact that she wanted to keep this going.
“So,” he was finishing up as he maneuvered the streets of downtown Manhattan towards the bridge. “Maraj is an Indian last name, isn’t it?”
“That it is,” she absentmindedly confirmed. “I think the root is actually Maharaj, and my father, whoever he is, just changed it to be more ‘American’ or whatever. This is what my mom tells me, anyway.”
“Whoever he is?” Justin looked at her.
“Haven’t seen him since I was seven or eight, and even then, I didn’t know shit about him, besides his name and that he managed to pull some bad bitches,” she shrugged.
“I see.”
She quickly realized she did not want to open up a discussion that included her family, so she swiftly switched subjects. “I can’t believe how late you got me to stay out.”
He glanced at the clock, seeing that it was barely midnight. “Late? Seriously?”
“Excuse you, I’m up at 3:45 every morning so I can make it to work by six. It’s way past my bedtime.”
“Oh wow, I didn’t even think about it,” he started to drive a little faster, but slowly realized he probably wouldn’t be getting laid that night. “I’m rarely in bed by 3:45.”
“Well considering where you apparently hang out, that doesn’t surprise me.”
“Nadia, I told you I picked that place for you.”
“Sure you did,” she teased him. “Not at all for the hot ass waitresses in the little black dresses.”
“I’m appalled.”
“I’m appalled that you think I’m stupid.”
He pulled up to her charming little brownstone sooner than either of them had anticipated, and unsure of what to do next, he just stopped the car and looked over to her.
“Why are you looking at me like that,” she demanded.
“What am I looking at you like?”
“Like you don’t know what to do next.”
“Well then…”
She smiled at his noticeable nervousness all of a sudden. “Am I right?”
“No,” he lied, trying to contain a smile.
“Right.” She began to search for her keys in her clutch, but was surprised when Justin moved in for a kiss. She wanted to return it, because from what she remembered, he was an especially good kisser, but after all her drama with Alex, she was quite sure this wasn’t how she wanted to handle Justin. She pulled away. “Hold on a sec.”
Hey, slow it down, what do you want from me?
“What’s wrong?” he frowned, wiping her gloss from his lips.
“I, um… I think we need to put this on pause for a minute.”
“Oh. I mean, I just assumed since…”
“I know we’ve already done it, like multiple times or whatever, but I’ve fucked up a lot of relationships, and consequently, a lot of people, by not taking my time to get to know them. So… I mean, I had a really good time tonight, and I don’t want that to be ruined by some awkward goodbye in the morning, so can we kinda slow it down?”
Yeah, I’m afraid, what do you want from me?
“That’s-that’s fine with me,” he stuttered uneasily. “I mean, I don’t know why you think we have to ‘slow down’ to keep up a proper communication, but… that’s fine.”
“I just know myself,” she attempted to smile at him warmly. “And I know I’ll get bored if I don’t have rules. If I don’t do this right.” It happened with Alejandra, and it was bound to happen with Justin too.
There might have been a time I’d give myself away
Oh, once upon a time I didn’t give a damn
But now, here we are, what do you want from me?
“I see.”
“You’re mad at me, aren’t you?”
“No, no, I’m not mad.” He was disappointed, for sure, mainly because Nadia was phenomenal in bed, but it wasn’t a total loss. “I mean, we’ll be friends. It’s fine.”
She nodded. “I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed a night out this much. I’m hoping we can hang out again soon.”
He felt himself deflating, and tried to sound upbeat. “Absolutely. I’ll call you.”
“You better call me for real.”
“I will.” He offered a soft kiss to her cheek before watching her retreat from the car. “Have a good night, friend.”
Just don’t give up, I’m working it out
Please don’t give in, I won’t let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, what do you want from me?
Lyrics: “Whataya Want From Me” “ Adam Lambert (For Your Entertainment)
Author's Notes:
Hi, all! So sorry for the disappearing act. It's been a busy couple of weeks and I really wanted to edit this chapter because I kind of hate it, but I just haven't. So... try to enjoy it lmao. The next few are better, I think. Ahhhh, I'm a mess. But thank you guys, as always, for reading!
fifteen: summer love
The morning had just turned to afternoon when Nadia was walking out of her daily post-show meeting for The Cameron Crew. She stopped at her desk to drop off her iPad before heading to the restroom, but was pleasantly surprised to see Justin sitting in her seat.
“Hey,” she greeted him cheerfully.
He looked up from playing Angry Birds on his phone and smiled at her. “Hey.”
“I thought we were meeting at the restaurant.” They’d made plans for lunch, but not at her office, and not until 12:30, so she was confused.
“We were, but it’s raining, so I figured I’d do you a favor and pick you up?”
“Oh shit, aren’t you sweet.”
“Not really.”
“Well give me a minute, I’m gonna run to the restroom and then we can go.”
“No rush.” He picked up her iPad and immediately started to tinker with it. “Is Kristin around?”
“She usually leaves right after our meetings, but she might still be in her office.”
“I’m gonna go say Hey real quick.”
The two of them headed through the bright halls of the Fourth Floor, ignoring all the heads turning to watch Justin pass by. It was pretty well known throughout the office that Kristin was good friends with Justin Timberlake, but in the eight years she worked there, he’d never come for a visit. Everyone was starstruck, it appeared.
Kristin was coming out of her office, purse in hand, ready to head out of the building when she spotted Justin. “Oh my god, hey you!”
“Oh my god,” he mocked her playfully, immediately enveloping her in a hug. “How are you?”
“What are you doing here? You never come here.”
“Oh, me and Nadia are just going to lunch. You wanna come?”
“Do I wanna come on your date with Nadia?” she chuckled, gesturing for him to join her back in her office. “I think I’ll pass.”
“No, it’s not a date.” He took a seat in her chair at her desk “ something he clearly liked to do “ and watched her drop into one of the other seats.
“What do you mean it’s not a date? I thought you two were ‘dating.’”
“You thought wrong. We went on one date and she decided she wanted to be friends, so…”
“And this is after you guys sexed it up at my house all Fourth of July, correct?”
“Correct.” He knew she was confused, but truth be told, so was he. “I realize it doesn’t make sense, but…”
“Not your decision then, I take it.”
He shrugged. “I’m not against it. Turns out dating isn’t exactly my forte.”
“You, Mister I-Don’t-Call-After-We-Bang? That’s shocking.”
“That’s cold.”
“You’re cold,” she grinned, obviously happy to have her friend there. “At any rate, I wish I could come, but I have to meet Grant and the wedding planner, so you and your buddy are on your own.”
“I am so jealous of Grant’s life,” he sarcastically noted.
“Well you should be, you missed out on alllllllll this.”
He knew she was kidding, of course, but sometimes, he did wonder what his life would have been like if he’d ever pursued a relationship with Kristin. There was a very small window of time “ she had just moved to New York for college and *NSYNC was right on the verge of mega-success “ that he could have made his move, but he never did. He never regretted it, mostly for Kristin’s sake, but he did wonder sometimes.
“Yo, you ready?” Nadia appeared in the doorway with her umbrella and her bag in hand.
“I’m ready,” he popped up, pulling his newsboy cap a little further down on his head. “Kiki, I’ll see you around.”
“Hopefully before Labor Day.”
“We’ll do lunch,” he promised. “Tell Grant I said Hello.”
“Will do. And Nadia, I’ll see you at 5:45!”
“Thanks, you know how I love to be reminded of that.”
“Have fun,” she cooed, watching the two of them walk out of the door.
“What a weird ass,” Nadia commented, leading Justin back towards the elevators. She noticed that several people “ people who normally didn’t speak to her “ were telling her goodbye, and she wasn’t sure how to feel about it. “You make people act different,” she made sure to tell him once they were alone inside the elevator.
“Yeah, no shit,” he chuckled. “Curious, isn’t it.”
“But why. You’re just a person.”
“I told you, people freak the fuck out, and I have no idea why. It actually freaks me out.”
“Well not everybody does,” she wanted to append before his ego got any bigger than it was, “but when they do, it is obvious as fuck.”
“No, really, most people do.”
“Oh, shut up, it is not ‘most people.’”
“I’m telling you,” he shook his head, allowing her out of the elevators ahead of him. Strolling through the lobby of the swanky building, he continued to make his point. “Even people I really admire, like Adele? I’m a huge fan of hers, and a couple of years ago at the Grammy’s, I wanted to meet her. So I cleared everyone out of my dressing room and had her come in so we could talk, and she was seriously, like, shaking like a leaf. She couldn’t talk to me.”
“You’re such a fucking liar,” she laughed.
“I am so serious, Nadia.”
“So what did she do, just stand there?”
“Yes!”
“Well that’s retarded,” she was cracking up, “but still, she does not equal ‘most people.’ I mean, I sure as hell didn’t spaz out just because you entered a room.”
“Yeah, but you’re like the most nonchalant person on the planet.”
She slapped him in the shoulder as he opened his car door for her. “Shut up, asshole.”
“Oh, so you’re gonna act like you’re not?”
“What can I say, I’m a New Yorker,” she shrugged, watching him get situated in his seat. Truth be told, she very much enjoyed that she would get to spend the rest of the rainy day with Justin Timberlake, but he was right, she’d be damned if she showed it. As far as anyone would be able to tell, it was just another day for her.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Two hours later, Justin and Nadia had finished a great lunch at Beyoglu and had made it to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, where they were wandering the halls of a gorgeous exhibition featuring Alexander McQueen. Their friendly outing was going well, it appeared.
“He was a genius,” Justin marveled at a collection of headmasks displayed before them. “There aren’t enough geniuses in the world.”
“I think everyone has genius in them,” Nadia countered thoughtfully, staring up at a headdress she was certain she’d seen Lady Gaga wear.
“You overestimate people,” he returned dryly.
“You’re cynical.”
“That’s hilarious coming from you.”
“Oh, fuck you.” She smiled, leading him out of the room and towards the next one. “You’re a musical genius, are you not?”
“Me?” He scoffed so hard that he almost coughed. “I think you have me confused with Prince.”
“Well you’re no Prince, I’ll give you that, but you’ve got your own thing. You’re good at what you do.”
“That doesn’t make me a genius.”
“I think you are.”
He looked at Nadia for what felt like forever to her, attempting to gauge her sincerity. If she was serious… “Are you serious?”
“Of course I am.”
“Wow.”
“What what?”
“That’s a very generous adjective,” he grinned. “But thank you.”
“Justin, this is why people want you to make music. You’re too good at it not to.”
“People don’t care about what I'm doing,” he blushed.
“You’re delusional.”
“Let’s move on,” he urged her, becoming uncomfortable with the topic at hand. “McQueen awaits.”
“No, let’s stand right here for a minute,” she narrowed her eyes at him. This was the same guy that had been telling her, just hours before, that people flocked to him like flies to honey. She couldn’t figure out his hesitance, and she was going to get to the bottom of it. “Is everything cool?”
“Everything’s cool.”
“You seem suddenly antsy…”
He shook his head as if he had no idea what she could be referring to. “I just wanna keep it moving.”
Nadia wanted to do the exact opposite. “Justin, tell me four good things about yourself.”
“What?” he chuckled nervously.
“You heard me.”
“I heard you, but I mean, why?”
“I’m just curious as to what you’ll say.”
“That sounds stupid.”
“Humor me.”
“You tell me four good things about yourself,” he submitted instead.
She only looked at him for a few seconds before rattling off a list of her favorite attributes. “I’m smart, I’m good at my job, I’m hot, I’m good in bed, I don’t believe in bullshit, I do believe in happy endings, every day that I wake up, I aspire to be better than I was the day before, even if I don’t always succeed, I speak Spanish and American Sign Language because I was good at my job before this one, and that was because I gave a fuck about people, and that’s what I’m doing now. So now it’s your turn. Tell me something good.”
“Jesus, Nadia.”
“You asked.”
“I don’t have that in me,” he chuckled. “People already think I’m full of myself enough.”
“Fuck people. I asked.”
“I umm… Okay,” he sighed. “All right. I’m smart, too. I also care about people and have a genuine curiosity about the people I meet. Umm. I don’t know why this is so hard,” he realized softly. “I’m also good in bed and I’m also good at my job,” he grinned. "Happy?"
“You cheated,” she shook her head.
“W-what?” his stomach dropped to his feet and he suddenly wondered if she had been talking to Mila behind his back or something.
“You basically just regurgitated half of what I said!”
“Well hell, you didn’t leave much to say,” he laughed, relieved. “Can we go now?”
“I’m gonna get you to come up with your own one of these days. But in the meantime, I guess we can move on.”
He draped a friendly arm around Nadia’s neck and they continued their trek through the museum. “I noticed that you didn’t mention anything about my acting career,” he joked.
“Well you know how they say that some things are better left unsaid…”
“That’s rude.”
She grinned, snaking her arm around his waist in a display of affection that she’d never shown before, but somehow felt uncharacteristically comfortable doing now. “I never claimed to be nice, you know.”
“Is that supposed to scare me?”
“Only a little.”
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
The following morning, at 6:00 a.m. sharp, The Cameron Crew had taken to the airwaves, and typically, they would begin the show with news, followed by a discussion of what they did the evening before. But on that particular day, one member of their crew was missing, and they were going to capitalize on it.
“Well, New York, we’re starting the show without news today, because our news director, Nadia, has disappeared,” Jeff calmly announced, staring at Rachel, from across the room.
Nadia was never late, and if she thought she was going to be, she always called. So when she hadn’t made it in at 5:45, they went into a frenzy of calling and texting her before the show began. Rachel finally got an answer. “She’s on her way,” she told her co-hosts, off mic. “Sick.”
“But we have confirmation that she’s just fine,” Jeff went on, “so we’ll play a quick song, get some coffee, Rachel will do the entertainment buzz and then we’ll get back to our regularly scheduled programming.” He made a very conscious decision to play Justin’s song, Summer Love, and with a smirk, headed into the hallway with the rest of his coworkers.
“So is it just me, or does Nadia’s sudden ‘sickness’ sound a lot like ‘I overslept at Justin Timberlake’s house?’” Caleb wondered loudly. “Because in four years, this has never happened.”
“Shut up,” Kristin was quick to defend both of her friends. “There’s a first time for everything.”
“Yeah, like Justin showing up in this building yesterday and now Nadia is mysteriously ‘sick,’” Rachel agreed.
“All I know is, we should be able to talk about this on the radio by now,” Jeff joked. “She agreed when she joined this operation to disclose details about her personal life.”
“I need all three of you back in that room,” Kristin was shaking her head. “And this is not up for discussion until both of them express to me that they’re comfortable with it.”
“Jesus, Kris, are we running a radio show or not?” Caleb submitted eagerly.
“We have plenty of content without selling out our coworker or my best friend for ratings.”
“I agree,” Rachel inserted with a nod. “But we have to have some fun with this, Kris.”
“I don’t care what you do off air,” she smirked with a raised eyebrow. “But it better stay off air.”
The three hosts held up their hands innocently and headed back into the studio as the song came to an end. “Hey, wouldn’t this be considered entertainment buzz?” Rachel whispered as they took their seats.
But Kristin, all-knowing and all-hearing executive producer, answered her from outside the room. “No, it is not!” Just as she turned from her duties as EP, she found Nadia slowly meandering down the hallway. “Holy shit, look what the cat dragged in.”
“I am so sorry, Kris.”
“Are you all right?”
“I’m alive,” she smiled weakly. “How much did I miss?”
“Nothing at all,” Kristin waved off. “You really are sick, huh?”
“Well yeah, that’s what I told Rachel…”
“Yeah, but we thought sick was code for Justin.”
She attempted a chuckle. “What?”
“Well everyone knows he came to pick you up yesterday. We just figured it was another one of those nights.”
“Oh god,” she groaned tiredly. “No, we had a great day, but I was at home and in bed by eight.”
“Alone?”
“Of course!” She wanted to laugh, but everything hurt at that moment. “I woke up with awful, awful cramps. I had to stop at Starbucks on my way here and will myself not to throw up in their bathroom.”
“Oh god, honey, are you serious?”
“I never have cramps this bad,” she nodded, “or maybe it’s the Turkish food we had yesterday. But god, I feel awful.”
“Well why didn’t you just stay home?” Kristin exclaimed in worry. “You look awful, Nad.”
“Well thanks.”
“But seriously…”
“I didn’t realize how bad it was until I got on the train. And then I figured if I got that far, I could make it four hours in there,” she pointed to the studio, where Jeff, Rachel, and Caleb were staring at her as if she were going to explode at any minute. “What the hell is wrong with them?”
“They’re barely functionally retarded. I’m not sure you will make it four hours in there.”
“Oh god…”
“Listen. I know you’re not really anything with Justin, at least not yet, but how do you feel about discussing it on air?”
“Discussing what?” she chuckled uneasily.
“Whatever you want, babe. I mean, whatever it is, everyone agrees it would be good radio…”
“Fuck, is that where we are now?”
“If you’re okay with it. I’m going to ask Justin as well, obviously, but… yeah.”
Now she understood what Justin meant about people losing their shit whenever he or his name was in the vicinity of anything. Now his best friend was pimping him for listeners? “Maybe I should go back home,” she sighed lightly.
“It is honestly whatever you want, Nadia. I don’t want to pressure you into anything.”
“Yeah. I’m gonna go,” she announced dryly. “We can talk about this tomorrow.”
“Nadia…”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Take a car home, at least!”
“Have a good day, Kristin.”
All she could think was if this was what she had to look forward to, she might have to seriously reconsider being anything with Justin. This wasn't quite what she pictured when she'd left Kristin's engagement party with him. And now that night seemed so far away. What had she gotten herself into?
sixteen: memphis & mila
It was a rather nondescript Tuesday morning when Justin awoke to a slew of calls from his mother, topped off by a lone text that read, “Call me.” And knowing his mother wasn’t exactly one to send texts, he did so immediately, and was stunned to find out upon reaching her that his grandfather was going in for triple bypass surgery the following day. No one had known anything about it, as William Bomar was a proud man, and hated the thought of any of his kids, grandchildren, or even his wife worrying about him. But the news had come out and the family was suddenly in a frenzy. Justin was on the first flight he could find to Memphis.
When he finally landed, he was still going through a range of emotions, and he needed someone to talk to. He wasn’t sure why, but Nadia was the first person he thought to call and he desperately hoped that she would answer.
“Hello?” she greeted him more sullenly than he expected.
“Umm, hey. You got a minute?”
“Uh huh,” she nodded to herself. “I actually just called you like half an hour ago, but it went straight to voicemail.”
“Yeah, I just got off a flight.”
“Oh, I didn’t realize you were leaving the city…”
“I didn’t either,” he admitted softly. “Did you need something?”
“Well. No, not really,” she lied. Truth was, she wanted to cut her losses with him before shit got crazy, but he didn’t sound like he was equipped to handle that at the moment. “Is everything okay with you?”
“Not quite.” He sighed heavily, hating that he would have to say the words he was about to say. “My grandpa is having heart surgery tomorrow and I feel fucking paralyzed for some reason.”
“Oh god, Justin, I’m so sorry.”
"I feel sick."
“Oh man, why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve h--”
“We didn’t know,” he cut her off to announce somberly.
“What?”
“He didn’t tell anyone. Not his wife, not his kids, not his friends… not me. How the hell are we supposed to be okay with this, how are we supposed to help him when he won’t even keep us in the loop?”
“I’m confused. You said he's having surgery tomorrow, how did you find out if he didn’t tell anyone?”
“I don’t know,” he sighed again. “But we did, and now we’re all fucked up and mad and sad and… I don’t know.”
“Wow, so what was he gonna do, just disappear for a few days?” she wondered as she talked him through his walk to baggage claim.
“Probably so,” he tried to laugh. “He and my granny have been married like sixty years, so they’re at that point where they don’t have to say much of anything to each other anyway. It wouldn’t have surprised me if he did the whole surgery without her noticing.”
“That’s fuckin’ crazy.”
“That would be my grandpa.”
“Well the good thing is that this is a fairly common procedure and the success rate is like 90 percent, so don’t go into this thinking shit is bleak. It won’t be easy on him, but he will be all right. All right?”
“I know.” He didn’t sound convinced in the slightest. “But there’s that ten or twelve percent chance or whatever that he doesn’t make it, that something goes wrong. And I’m telling you, I’ll be devastated, Nadia. Completely gutted.”
“Hey, you don’t have to tell me. I mean, I didn’t deal with ORs very often, but working the ER was nothing but lessons in dealing with tragedy. So I wouldn’t tell you not to worry if you shouldn’t…”
“I think it’s just more nerve-wracking because he kept it so quiet. Like how do you not tell anyone?”
“Listen kid, you’d be surprised what people keep from one another. Don’t hold it against him.”
“Nadia, I am shaking. My hands are literally trembling due to… this. So I’m not sure you’ll be able to talk me down.”
“What are you so scared of?”
“That tomorrow will be the last time I see, speak to, laugh with my grandpa.”
“Justin…”
“I’m being neurotic, I know, and what you’re saying is logical, but--.”
“But this is emotional,” she finished for him, knowing all too well how hard it was to separate matters of the heart and brain. “I know. I just want to offer some perspective.”
As he made it to the baggage claim, where some family member or another was scheduled to pick him up, he decided that he no longer wanted to discuss the subject at hand. “So now that I’ve whined your ear off, what did you wanna talk to me about?”
Her mind had gone so far past her tiny paranoia about their friendship. “It was nothing. I wanted to see if you wanted to hang out tonight.”
“Ah, well I’ll probably have to take a rain check on that,” he grinned inwardly. “How was work today?”
“It’s past three o’clock here, I barely remember work today,” she chuckled softly. “But nothing titillating, I assure you.”
“Is it ever?”
“Don’t get cursed out.”
“I kid,” he made an attempt to smile to himself as he stepped into the August heat. “It literally feels like I just stepped into the devil’s ass out here.”
“That’s disgusting, Justin.”
“That’s Memphis in the summer.”
“It’s a hundred degrees in New York right now, so you get no sympathy from me.”
“It’s a hundred and ten here and it feels like 126, so…”
“Are you really about to try and compete with me here?”
“I’m not, because I’m pretty sure I see my mom’s car.”
“You sound like a kid getting picked up from school.”
“The good old days,” he sighed. As the champagne colored Mercedes got closer, he confirmed that it was, in fact, his mom’s car, but it was not his mom inside of it. “Lemme call you back, okay?”
“All right, dude. Update me when you can.”
“I will.” When the car met him at the curb, he could see that the driver was actually his ex-wife. “What the hell are you doing here?” he opened the passenger side to greet her.
Mila smiled politely with her eyes hidden behind a large pair of shades and gestured for him to get in. “Lynn called me, I had to come.”
He threw his carry-on into the back seat and then went to the driver’s side. “Let me drive.”
“What the fuck, I’m driving!”
“I wanna drive,” he repeated, opening her door. “It’s my car, move.”
“Justin!”
“Move!”
“Fuck you, get in the passenger’s seat.”
“No.”
“Mila.”
“No, Justin. I’m already here.”
“Listen, I really appreciate you coming to get me and whyever you’re here, I don’t know… thanks, I guess. But I am about to flip out just thinking about what might happen tomorrow and I very much need to be in control of something right now, even if it’s just a steering wheel. Please move, Mila.”
After considering what she knew must have been going through his mind at the moment, she hesitantly relented.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
It was a long, mainly silent ride from the airport to Shelby Forest, where Justin’s family resided. He was anxious to see his grandfather, but as he pulled up to his parents’ palatial abode, he couldn’t help but be reminded of the first time he’d brought Mila home with him. The first time his mom met his wife.
Thanksgiving 2001…
“Justin, I cannot believe you would bring her here without telling me.”
Justin looked at his mother with a mix of frustration and defeat plastered over his face. He didn’t know what to say to her. “You’ve been bugging me for a month about the fact that you haven’t met her yet. I thought you would be happy.”
“You thought I would be happy that you married some girl you met all of three months ago, without telling me, without so much as even inviting me, and a month later, she’s sitting in my driveway to spend Thanksgiving here? Why the fuck would I be happy about that!” She was yelling and speaking fast “ two things Lynn Harless rarely did.
“Calm down, mom. I didn’t do any of this to hurt you.”
“I am convinced you didn’t think of me at all, Justin! You’re my only child and I don’t even get to see you get married the right way.”
He hated when she pulled the only child card. Like it was his fault that she decided not to have any other children. “Mom.”
She rolled her eyes at the entire idea. She didn’t understand anything he had done over the past few months, ever since his short-lived relationship with Britney Spears had fizzled out. “Well go on and get the girl, you can’t leave her in the car all weekend.”
He was hesitant to let his new wife walk into this lion’s den, but he was more confident that after a weekend with Mila, his mother would love her just as much as he did. “Be nice, ma.”
“I’ll be cordial,” she promised.
Now completely unnerved by the entire thought, he left the house to bring Mila inside. He was pleasantly surprised to find his dad in the driveway, laughing with his bride, but that didn’t do much to calm his rampant thoughts. His dad, after all, had always been the more understanding of his parents.
“Dad, I see you’ve met Mila.”
He turned to his son with a satisfied smile and an armful of an uncooked turkey. “I was just telling her about my ordeal at the super market, and she was nice enough to engage me.”
“Hey, I love a good supermarket story.” She shut the car door and offered to help bring in some of the groceries.
“You don’t have to do that,” Justin declined for his dad. “I got ‘em.”
“Don’t be silly.” She went to Paul’s open car door and grabbed several sacks full of food. “Come on, I wanna meet your mom.”
Justin, in all his infatuation, did exactly as told, following his wife and father back into the house, where Lynn had been watching all three of them. She had a sternness to her that he hated to have to try and ignore, but this was the situation, it seemed.
“Mila, this is my mom, Lynn. Mom, this is my wife, Mila.”
Mila was beaming, so proud to finally meet the woman that was responsible for the man her husband was. She quickly went in for a hug. “It’s so nice to meet you, Lynn. I can’t even tell you how exciting it is to meet you.”
Lynn was obviously taken aback by her enthusiasm, especially when she had already resolved to not like her. “Mrs. Harless is fine,” she metaphorically bitch-slapped her without a second thought. “It’s nice to meet you as well.”
While Mila was only 18, and not necessarily as mature as most of the company she kept, she was pretty sharp, and knew to retreat immediately. “Your home is beautiful,” she still managed to smile. “Thank you so much for having me.”
“Well my son here didn’t give me much notice that you were coming. I’m sorry that the place is a mess.”
“Oh god, please. We’re family now, don’t think of me as a guest.”
Justin interceded before his mother made some comment about them being family by law only. He could see it coming before she even opened her mouth. “I wanna introduce you to my grandparents, too,” he took Mila’s hand into his own.
“I think it’s so cool that they’re right next door,” she told Lynn and Paul. “I was telling Justin I haven’t seen my grandparents in ages, so I look forward to having some new ones.”
Lynn offered a tight-lipped smile. “That’s nice, dear.”
“Justin, I’m really thirsty. Could you get me some water?”
“I’ll get you some,” Paul offered instead. “Or we have juice, Coke, ginger ale, egg nog…”
“I would love a Coke.”
“Coming right up,” he grinned. “Sweetheart, you want a beer?” he asked his own wife.
“Please,” she nodded.
“Justin?”
“I’m fine, dad.”
As Paul disappeared from the room, Mila turned to her husband. “You should get the rest of the groceries for your dad.”
Not wanting to leave her alone with his mother, he decided, “Come with me?”
“I wanted to talk to your mom, actually.”
“I think you should go ahead,” Lynn countered curtly. When she received a look from Justin she added, “I’m not going anywhere.”
Mila wanted to wait for the room to clear before tackling the subject, but she decided she couldn’t wait. “I’m sorry, but what is your problem, exactly?”
“Excuse me?” Lynn’s blue eyes focused on her narrowly.
“I get that you probably aren’t over the moon that your only son decided to get married without any notice, but please believe me when I say that I had and have no intentions of taking him away from you. So you can stop with the evil mother-in-law routine, because I have only good intentions here, I swear. I just… love him. That’s it. And I want to love you and our family and whatever this turns into just as much. So I hope you’ll help me and not be against me. I’m not here for that… Mrs. Harless.”
Justin was stunned. “Mila…” He looked back and forth between them, holding his breath in anticipation of what might be said next.
Lynn was silent for a moment as well, digesting her new daughter-in-law’s words as they hit her like bricks. She decided the young lady before her was actually right. If her son’s marriage had any chance of success, she certainly couldn’t fight them every step of the way. She eventually smiled softly and outstretched her perfectly manicured hand. “Why don’t I take you to meet Justin’s grandparents.”
Mila smiled in satisfaction. “I’d like that, Mrs. Harless.”
“You can call me ‘Lynn.’”
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
October 2008…
“That was nice,” Mila sighed as she watched Justin pile into the back of their Escalade. They had just finished a lovely dinner with his parents, celebrating their 7th wedding anniversary. “Don’t you think?”
Justin glanced at her, a bit distracted by his own inebriation. “Yeah.”
“You don’t think so?”
“Didn’t I just say, ‘Yeah?’”
“But you sounded like you were just saying it to pacify me.”
“You should calm down,” he advised quietly, resting his head against the window. “It’s our anniversary. No reason to fight right now.”
She relented, but quietly referred to him as, “Mister Levelheaded…”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“Is what a bad thing?”
“Being levelheaded.”
“Oh, I guess you didn’t catch the sarcasm…”
“I guess not,” he sighed, finally closing his eyes, wanting to dismiss the conversation. He was attempting to drift into a light slumber for the duration of their short ride back to their hotel, but before he knew it, his phone was vibrating in his pocket.
“It’s our anniversary, for Christ’s sake,” she commented, seeing him glance at his phone. “Can’t you keep your whores quiet for even one evening?”
“It’s my mother, you asshole.”
“Oh.”
“Hey, ma,” he tried to greet her amiably, despite his irritation.
“Justin. Hey.”
“What’s up? Did we forget something?”
“Umm, no. No, nothing like that.”
She sounded alarmed, and he didn’t like it. “What’s wrong?”
“Well. I um… Mila spoke with me at dinner, and she said something that really concerned me, so I wanted to let you know so that you two can hopefully fix this.”
“Okay…”
“And baby, I’m not gonna pretend I know what’s going on in your relationship, I just know that what she said to me was rather troubling.”
“Can you just spit it out?”
“Mila said that you cheated on her. Or rather, that you cheat on her, as in present tense and repeatedly.”
“You’re not serious, are you?”
“I wish I wasn’t, but she was very clear about it and that she was at the end of her rope. So… whatever it is you’re doing, Justin, please, for the sake of your wife and your marriage, you need to stop.”
“Ma, I promise you that that’s not true.”
“It doesn’t matter what I believe.”
“But I need you to know that it’s not true.”
“I need you to know that this is what’s going through your wife’s head, and you need to fix it.”
“Wow,” he sighed, looking over to Mila, who seemed intent on pretending she wasn’t paying any attention to his conversation. “I gotta go.”
“I’m sorry, baby. I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear on your anniversary.”
He hung up without any other words and turned to his wife. “Are you fucking kidding me?” he shouted, startling both Mila and their driver.
“What the hell, Justin? Why are you yelling?”
“You told my mother I’m cheating on you? Are you insane?”
“I am actually, thanks to you.”
“You’d have to be,” he frowned, shaking his head. “You’d have to be out of your fucking mind to involve my mother in this.”
“Oh, I can’t talk to your mom now? After years of telling me ‘Oh, she’s your mom too.’ I knew you were full of shit. You always have been.”
“I’m serious, Mila! You had no right to do that.”
“Well it’s done now, so…”
“You are unbelievable.”
“Like husband, like wife.”
He was more than relieved when they pulled up to the Trump Towers and he could escape the confines of that back seat. Neither of them greeted any of the staff that made it a point to greet them, but moved straight towards the elevators, where they angrily awaited for one to take them away.
When they finally stepped inside, where no one could hear them, he started the conversation again. “I can’t keep doing this with you, Mila. I can’t go out there and work my ass off and live in a bubble, fighting this everyday battle with fame, and then come home and fight you too. I just can’t do it.”
“I’m not asking you to fight me, Justin. I’m asking you to stop cheating on me.”
“I’m not cheating on you!”
“Yes, you are! You want me to be stupid and you want me to believe that, but we both know it’s not true.”
“Mila, your paranoia is going to tear us apart.”
“I am not paranoid! I know what I know.”
“Prove it.”
“I can’t prove it. You’re too good for that. You’re too good to leave behind any traces of the truth. But Justin, I know you. I know you well. I know how you sleep, I know how you eat, I know how you fuck. Sometimes we fuck and it’s exactly what I want. You know me well enough to know what I want,” she granted. “But sometimes, over the past couple of years, it’s obviously what someone else wants. And I’m not gonna let you pretend that that’s my imagination.”
They came to a stop and the doors opened, much to his relief, because he didn’t have a response to that. Silently, he walked off of the elevator and headed down the hall towards their suite.
Mila followed slowly behind, saddened by the fact that he had no retort. Without even knowing it, he had just confirmed her fears. “Fuck,” she whispered to herself as a tear ran down her perfectly made up face.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
It was nearing 2:00 AM on Wednesday morning and Justin was sitting outside of his grandfather’s hospital room, gazing into oblivion. He had a few hours before surgery and things seemed to be fine, but Justin couldn’t help but worry that something would go wrong. Everyone had gone home, aside from him, which he was relieved about, as he didn’t really want to talk to people anyway. Save for one person.
It was about 3:00AM Eastern Time, so he was being rude by making this call, but he couldn’t help himself. She was the only person he could think to confide in.
Nadia was shaken from her sleep by the buzzing of her cell phone against her nightstand and she hated it. But in case of emergency, she thought it best to answer. “Hello?” she greeted groggily.
“It’s me.”
She knew it was Justin thanks to caller ID, but she inwardly smiled at the fact that that was his identifier, even if he was waking her up. “Is everything okay?”
“I think so,” he sighed. “He’s ‘resting’ or whatever, but I’m still nervous.”
“Of course you are.”
“Tell me this is going to be fine.”
She sat up in her bed, trying to adjust her eyes to the darkness and figure out a way to talk her friend down for the third time that day. “Again?”
“Yes, again. Your even tone makes me feel like you know what you’re talking about.”
“He’s going to be fine,” she promised him earnestly. “When this is all over, he’s going to be better than he was before.”
“But they’re opening his chest.”
“To fix his heart,” she chuckled tiredly. “Justin, this is one of the most common procedures there is. And you are at one of the finest hospitals in the Southeast. He will be fine.”
He sighed heavily. “I don’t know why I’m being so irrational about this.”
“Because you’re human. It’s okay.”
“I’m not so sure it is.”
“Have you had a chance to speak with him? Like one on one?”
Much to his surprise, it was then that Mila came strolling down the corridor, toting two bags “ a duffel and a Sonic’s. “Nadia, lemme call you back?”
She was taken by surprise by his abruptness, but immediately relented. “Umm… Sure.”
Mila smiled at him warmly as she watched him tuck his phone back into his pocket. “Who are you talking to at two in the morning?”
“What do you have here?” he purposely ignored her question.
“Well since you appear to be taking up residence here, I figured you could use some clothes and maybe something to eat?”
He was starving, if he was honest. He accepted the bag of fast food and moved his feet so that she could take a seat next to him. “Thank you.”
She stared at him for a moment, studying his face, his demeanor, his emotions. She remembered a time when she knew him so well. Now, she questioned everything. “I’ve been trying to figure out whether or not you’re glad I’m here.”
“I have, too,” he smirked, popping several tater tots into his mouth.
She took a big bite of a hot dog that she’d gotten for herself before turning back to him. “And what have you arrived at?”
“I…” He paused for a moment, unsure of what the answer actually was. A large part of him still ached for what once was, but he was also coming to the realization that he no longer needed Mila the way he used to. And he wasn’t used to that feeling. Nonetheless, it was nice to know she would come when called. “Thank you for being here.”
She pulled her legs up to her chest and took another bite of her chilidog before replying, “There’s no place I’d rather be.”
happy birthday, milena by Ashley
Author's Notes:
So. I kind of like this chapter. I hope you do, too!
seventeen: happy birthday, milena
It was rounding the midnight hour when Justin and Nadia were leaving a late showing of The Help in her quiet Brooklyn neighborhood. He offered to drop her off at home before heading back into the city, but she knew that he was dreading a certain party he was obligated to attend, and her counteroffer was to accompany him.
“I don’t exactly understand why you’re going,” Nadia commented, watching him maneuver his way to the Brooklyn Bridge. “I mean, I get that she came to Memphis when she didn’t have to and all, but it’s not like she needs you at her birthday party.”
He shrugged, even though he agreed with her. “She invited me, personally. And she did come to Memphis, not just for me, but for my family. Was I really supposed to say No?”
“Fuck yes,” she laughed. “I mean, you have no kids, the divorce is done. What’s keeping you together? Besides this wedding that’s in less than a month…”
“I don’t know. I mean… the fact that we were together for so long, I’d like to be friends in the end. I guess.”
“You guess.”
“I dunno, Nadia… I mean, for the longest time, all I wanted was for her to come back. Like you couldn’t tell me we weren’t gonna get back together. And then the divorce was final and we were splitting assets and that became a real thing. Okay. I was finally accepting the shit. And then she got engaged and I thank god you came around to distract me or I’d be fucking depressed. So now she wants to be friends? I’ll take it.”
“So what you’re saying is I’m not enough of a friend for you.”
He noted her smile, so he knew she was kidding, but his heart melted at the sight, as it always did. “You know you’re more than enough of a friend for me.”
“Is that right?”
“That’s right,” he promised. “There is no one I hang out with as much as I do with you. Not Kristin, not Grant, not Trace, who I’ve known since before I was born. Just you…”
“Yeah, by the way, when is it that I get to meet the infamous Trace Ayala?”
“Well his girlfriend is pregnant, so he doesn’t get around as much, but he’ll be at the wedding,” Justin assumed. “Are you that anxious to meet him?”
“I wouldn’t call it anxious. But I’ve heard a lot about him, not only from you, but from Kristin, so yeah, I wanna be in the circle.”
He liked that she wanted that, because he wanted it too. “You’re in the circle,” he grinned. “I dare you to try and get out of it.”
“I don’t like how you’re always implying that I have no loyalty to anyone.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Yeah, you did,” she smirked. “But that’s okay.”
“I appreciate that you don’t even pretend to hide your smugness.”
“Believe it or not, that is not the first time I’ve heard that,” she yawned, chuckling. “And if I’m being honest, I like that about me, too.”
He only shook his head and whispered, “Asshole.”
“I try,” she grinned. “What did you get your wife for her birthday?”
“She’s not my wife.”
“You wish she was, though.”
“Irrelevant.”
“Fine, what did you get your ex-wife?”
“It’s something really dumb,” he finally surrendered, pointing to the back seat of his car, where a large box wrapped in deep purple paper sat waiting to be opened. “But I think she’ll like it.”
“What is it, and why would you get it if it’s dumb?”
Unsure of whether he wanted to regale her with the random details of the gift, he just decided to say, “It’s a long story.”
“Is it?”
He nodded.
“Well I feel bad, I’m showing up empty-handed.”
“I think she’ll live,” he chuckled tiredly.
They rode in mostly silence the rest of the way to the restaurant. It was late, and they were both obviously a bit sleepy, but it was nonetheless a comfortable silence. Nadia loved the city at night, reveling in all the lights and luxury Manhattan had to offer. She had lived in New York all 32 years of her life, and she never got tired of sightseeing.
Justin, on the other hand, was in a different head space. One where he reminisced with himself about happier times “ ones with Mila “ where they celebrated birthdays and anniversaries with smiles and laughter. Now, Mila was engaged to some other guy, Justin was bringing another woman to his ex-wife’s birthday party. He never imagined that this was how they would end up, but he also couldn’t help but be relieved that he’d made it this far. He never thought he’d be able to truly accept the reality of this divorce, but it seemed that that’s exactly what he was doing. Even if Nadia wasn’t his girlfriend, or even interested in being one, the steps it took arrive at just friendship were great feats to him. He was finally moving on.
When they finally arrived at Kenmare, the street was so empty, and the restaurant looked so abandoned, Nadia wondered if they were at the right place. “Are you sure the party’s tonight?” she questioned when Justin opened her car door for her.
“I’m positive,” he smirked, retrieving Mila’s gift from the back. “And we won’t stay long, I promise.”
“No rush, my man. Unless this is an orgy or something.”
With a chuckle, he followed her inside and then directed her towards the back of an empty restaurant, where there was a door, which led to a staircase, and as they got closer to the bottom of it, the thump of some hip-hop song became apparent.
“Ahh, stealth location. I like it,” Nadia approved when the party finally came into view.
Justin nodded. “That shit cray,” he inserted along to the song playing.
He dropped off his gift at the table housing several others and took a quick scan of the crowded room, quickly spotting Mila amongst a group of friends, and more notably, her arm interlocked with her fiancé. “You want a drink, or you wanna go say Hey first,” he asked Nadia.
“I think I’ll probably need a drink to say anything to her,” she joked dryly.
He followed her to the bar, where he ordered a rum and coke for himself, and a vodka cranberry for her. “Do you dance?”
She looked up at him like he’d just asked if she did cocaine. “As a general rule, no. But I do if I’m drunk enough, I guess.”
“Hmm.”
“And I know that’s a ridiculous thing to say to one of the best dancers around, but…”
“Whatever floats your boat, darlin’.”
She cringed when a hint of his Southern drawl came out in his last statement. “I also hate Southern accents.”
Now it was his turn to look at her like she was stupid. “All right then.”
“That’s such a bitchy thing to say,” she chuckled. Especially when Kristin, one of her closest friends, had a serious twang. “I’m sorry, but I do.”
“Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” she nodded. But the way she downed her drink said just about the opposite. “Let’s go say Hello.”
Before either of them knew it, Mila had approached and was inserting herself into their conversation. “No need, I’m right here.”
Startled, Nadia immediately turned to her voice. “Oh wow, hey.”
“Hello,” she grinned tightly. “Didn’t expect to see you here.” She then glanced at Justin, and he knew she was telling him he shouldn’t have brought her.
“Yeah, we were out and we wanted to stop by really quick before heading home,” he defended for them. “I knew you wouldn’t mind.”
“Oh, you just know everything, don’t you.”
Sensing Mila’s uneasiness, Nadia decided to escape the conversation. “I’m gonna go say hello to Kristin and Grant,” she inserted, spotting the only other two people she knew in the room. “Justin, you just let me know when you’re ready.”
“I will,” he promised before returning his attention to Mila, who was glaring at him. “What?” he smiled.
“Seriously?”
“What?”
“You know ‘what,’ Justin.”
“Oh, I can’t bring a friend to your little shindig?”
She rolled her blue and green eyes before letting them land back on him. “We both know she’s not your friend. Come on now.”
“She is.” He grinned coyly, even though he was telling the truth. “Besides, what do you care? You’re engaged.”
“That doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”
That was funny to him, because in his mind, that was exactly what it meant. “Well you needn’t worry. We are very much platonic.”
“I think the two of you may need to reexamine the definition of ‘platonic,’” she smiled. “At any rate… I’m happy you’re here.”
“Is that right?”
She nodded. “It never occurred to me that my last birthday would be the last one we would share together. So I’m glad it wasn’t.”
Mila’s last birthday had been an awful ordeal for the two of them. In fact, she ended up filing for divorce a couple of weeks later. He was glad that wasn’t their last, too. “I’m glad that the past year has changed us for the better,” he agreed. “Even if you did get engaged out of nowhere.”
“Well you and I got married within two months of meeting one another, so I’m not sure why you’re surprised.”
“Because we’re older and supposedly wiser. We’re at the age where we learn from our mistakes.”
“We weren’t a mistake, Justin.”
“Yeah, but we made a lot of them along the way.”
“We used to be so happy,” she remembered repentantly. “What happened to us?”
He had been asked that question so many times, mainly inside his own conscience, and he had yet to come up with an answer. He shrugged. “Life happened.”
May 2006…
Mila had been sitting in the guest house for over 40 minutes, awaiting Justin’s arrival. He had been on one of his binges where he locked himself in the studio for five days straight, barely seeing the light of day. He claimed he was finally on his way home, and she was so excited that she planned a rather elaborate surprise for him. The minutes passed in what seemed like hourly increments, but eventually, she spotted him heading into their home. Even though he appeared haggard and almost lifeless, she knew that he was very much enjoying the way his second album was coming together, and therefore, in good spirits.
Back inside the main house, Justin was looking everywhere for his very supportive wife, who he hadn’t seen in literally days. He looked forward to seeing her face, so he was a bit disappointed to see a note from her waiting on their bed.
My love,
I’ve missed you! And I realize you are probably exhausted… maybe even to the point where you can’t comprehend what this says. But we’re gonna give this a try anyway. I’ve left you a paintball gun and gear on your side of the bathroom. You have five minutes to prepare for battle and then… GAME ON.
-Mila
Justin was smiling from ear to ear. This, he remembered, was one of many reasons why he loved her so much. She was nothing if she wasn’t fun.
He quickly did as told, dressing from head to toe in the apparel Mila provided. He grabbed his gun, making sure it was loaded, and stealthily made his way downstairs, unsure of whether the game had started.
“Babe?” he called out cautiously. “You in here?”
“I’m right here, baby.”
Of course her voice gave no indication of where she was, exactly, so he made a run for the back door, where he could get a better scope of the entire house. However, this gave Mila a vantage point, and she was able to get in a hit and he was quickly pelted with a splotch of bright purple paint.
“Shit!” He was actually a bit stunned when the pain of her hit settled into his calf. “You know it’s on now, right?” he announced, spotting her across the room.
“Bring it, motherfucker.”
And suddenly, it was a war zone. Like a scene from Mr. & Mrs. Smith, the two of them shot at one another until they didn’t have anything left. Along with their bodies, the kitchen and patio were covered in purple and yellow paint, and they’d also managed to break a whole slew of furniture. Exhausted, they laid down next to each other in the middle of the floor.
“We’re gonna be in so much pain in the morning,” Mila groaned, finally pulling off her face mask.
“But the win was worth it,” Justin yawned, mimicking her action and unbuttoning his jacket.
“Excuse you, you didn’t win.”
“Are you implying that you did?”
“Obviously.”
“You’re crazy,” he scoffed.
“How did you win?” she shouted hoarsely.
“I got you to marry me.” His smile was so earnest, the confidence in his voice so apparent. There was no arguing with him and she loved it.
On the verge of tears, she smiled back and quickly found his hand, interlocking their fingers. Moments like this, she was certain she was the winner between them. But there was no point in refuting it, so she simply squeezed his hand in response. “Whatever you say, my love.”
Mila sighed at the thought that just plain old Life ruined her marriage. Did Life turn the man she loved into an unrecognizable entity? Did Life turn her into the cold and harsh person she had become? Would Life ever bring them back to where they used to be?
I thought that things like this get better with time
But I still need you, why is that?
You're the only image in my mind
So I still see you around
“Life is rough,” she decided.
“It is. But you and I can’t have much to complain about.”
She stayed quiet for a long time, taking in the scene of everyone in the room. Her eyes locked with her fiancé, James, and she was almost scared to see that he’d noticed her conversation with Justin. Even though James wasn’t really a jealous type, and she certainly hadn’t done anything wrong, some version of guilt washed over her when James smiled at her.
I miss you like everyday
Wanna be with you, but you're away
And then there was Nadia. This crazy beautiful girl, who was suddenly taking all of Justin’s time and attention, and she was coming to terms with the fact that she hated her. For that reason and that reason alone. They could claim to be friends all they wanted, but Justin looked at her in a way that said otherwise. Whenever she saw them together, an ugly pang of jealousy gnawed at the pit of her stomach.
Said I miss you, missing you insane
But if I got with you, could it feel the same?
“Justin, please don’t date her.”
He finished his drink before responding with a smirk. “Don’t date Nadia?”
She nodded.
“I told you, it’s nothing but platonic. You do not have to worry.”
“You say that…”
“It’s true. It’s what she wants.”
“But if you could date her, you would?”
He shrugged. “I’m not sure. I don’t think I would be against it, but there’s nothing that’s got me head over heels, crazy in love with her or anything. I’m cool with being friends.”
She nodded again and glanced over to the table where Grant and Kristin were laughing at something Nadia was saying. “Fuck,” Mila whispered to herself.
Words don't ever seem to come out right
But I still mean them, why is that?
It hurts my pride to tell you how I feel
But I still need to, why is that?
Justin wasn’t sure what was going through her head at the moment. But what he did know was that getting over her had been hard enough, and he certainly didn’t need her possible feelings of regret coming into play when he was trying to forget about it all. He would never ever move on if he thought there was even a small chance of reconciliation.
“I should go,” he announced abruptly.
“Really?” The idea of being alone with her thoughts made her immediately sad.
“Yeah, it’s like way past my bedtime,” he offered a half smile in an attempt to break some of the mounting tension.
Mila clearly wasn’t happy about it, but she plastered a smile on her face anyway. He’d seen her broken too many times, she wasn’t about to let him see it again there. Not on her birthday. “Okay, well thanks for coming?”
“Why is that a question?”
“Because I feel like you just got here and now you’re leaving.”
“Well that was always the plan.”
“Apparently…”
With a tired smile, he moved in close and placed a soft kiss on her forehead before signaling for Nadia to join him so that they could go. “Happy birthday, Milena.”
Her stomach dropped as she watched the two of them disappear from the lounge, just as quickly as they had come. It was an odd thing to see, him out and about with someone other than her. She knew it was inevitable that he would one day move on from what once was, and even though he was denying the obvious, it hurt more than she ever expected it to.
It don't matter who you are, it’s so simple a feeling
But it's everything
No matter who you love, it’s so simple a feeling
But it's everything
Once she was certain that they were out of the building and on their way, she moved across the room to the table where her gifts were waiting. She’d seen Justin come in with the big purple box, so she immediately went for it, not caring who was watching or what they must have been thinking.
Even when she began laughing hysterically at the paintball gun waiting inside the box, she didn’t care that several people were looking at her. She just felt such a rush of nostalgia that she didn’t have room to notice anyone else. “He’s such an idiot.” She shook her head in a happy disbelief, which quickly turned to sadness. There was no way around it. She missed him.
I miss you like everyday
Wanna be with you, but you're away
I said I miss you, missing you insane
But if I got with you, could it feel the same?
Lyrics: “I Miss You” “ Beyonce (4)
Author's Notes:
I love you guys. Really, I do. I'm posting this next one super fast because I have about 90 things to do, so I apologize for any glaring errors. And seriously, thank you for reading!
eighteen: trust issues
“I’ve got some Let’s Be Honest questions here that we can do,” Jeff announced to the room and the rest of the city, “unless you guys wanna talk about something else…”
Rachel rolled her eyes, but she had heard from many a listener that loved the segment, so she was the first to agree. “Let’s Be Honest.”
“Let’s Be Honest,” Caleb concurred.
Nadia was the last to chime in, but she too knew that it was a fan favorite. “Let’s Be Honest,” she grumbled.
“Gee, don’t get too excited over there,” Jeff chuckled. “We all get crappy questions.”
“We’ll see.”
Smiling, Jeff pulled out everyone’s names one by one to determine the order. “So the order will be… Caleb… Me… Nadia… Rachel.”
“All right, let’s do this,” Caleb exclaimed. “Hit me.”
“Caleb, do you like American Idol?”
They all looked at one another, wondering if Jeff just had some random query before they got started, or if that was actually the question.
“Is that the question?” Nadia frowned.
“That’s what it says,” Jeff nodded.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me!” Rachel shrieked. “One of my last questions was ‘Which of your parents would you kill if you had to?’ and he gets ‘Do you like American Idol?!’”
“Hey. Don’t hate the player, hate the game,” Caleb reminded her.
“I do. I hate the game very much.”
“Temper, temper.”
“Well go on and answer the damn question,” Nadia pretended to be irritated. “And we all know your answer anyway.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Caleb, whenever we talk about Idol, you completely check out of the conversation.”
“Well… yeah. I like The Voice better than Idol.”
“Is this your final answer,” Jeff returned.
“It is.”
“All right then. So I guess that kicks it to me.” He pulled a question out of the jar sitting in front of him and smiled before reading out loud. “Going around the room, tell each person in the room what you admire about them.”
“I’m so glad I didn’t get this question,” Caleb commented as Jeff looked at each of the three of them.
“Yeah, instead, you get the easiest question ever,” Nadia shook her head.
Rachel was annoyed by the whole ordeal. “Ugh, just go ahead, Jeff.”
“Well then, I guess I’ll start with you, Rach. What do I admire about you…”
“There are so many things, I know.”
“Well. I know we give you a lot of crap about your relationship with Byron, but in all honesty, I admire what you put into it. Umm, you know, a woman taking care of a guy she’s not even married to is pretty uncommon. And we make fun of you and it’s all in fun, but I commend the two of you for sticking it out for five years, he’s goin’ through this rough patch and you take it all in stride. So… good on you.”
She smiled sincerely. “Thank you, Jeffrey.”
“Caleb. Dude, you are one of the smartest people I know. I mean, it would be great if you weren’t such an a-hole about it,” he laughed, “but I very much admire how knowledgeable you are… about everything.”
“I actually knew you were going to say that.”
“Don’t talk.”
“I knew you were going to say that too,” he joked.
“Anyway,” Jeff ignored him playfully. “As for you, Nadia, I have to say I had no idea what to expect when you joined the show. When we first met, I was like, there’s no way this hot ass chick is going to blend in with the rest of us, but I quickly learned that you are very easygoing, easy to talk to… when you want to be. And you are a perfect fit among us, so… I just like that you ended up being the opposite of what I expected.”
She winked at Jeff from across the room, flattered by the fact that he appeared to genuinely like her. “Thanks, buddy.”
“So there you go.”
“Good answers,” Rachel nodded, pleased. “Whose turn is it now?”
“I believe it’s on you, Nadia.”
“Hit me, boo.”
“Nadia. If you’re the reason your relationship eventually fails, what, exactly, would be the cause?”
Nadia’s eyes narrowed as she digested the question. Her first response was, “What relationship?”
“I wrote that one,” Caleb inserted proudly. “And ideally, it would be a romantic relationship, but it could be a friendship, I guess. It’s basically just, like, what flaw of yours would make someone break up with you.”
“Yeah, I got that,” she chuckled. “I just have no relationship to speak on.”
“You can go hypothetical,” Jeff suggested. “Or go by past experience.”
“Okay,” she sighed lightly. It looked like she was going to have to do a little bit of both. “Umm… if my relationship were to fail…”
“We know you’re perfect, but try to come up with something.”
“Yeah right,” she scoffed. “I guess I have to say, generally speaking, I’m a bitch.”
“Why do you always say that?” Caleb wondered. “You’ve never been anything but nice.”
“Umm, I think there’s a difference between friendship Nadia and relationship Nadia. And relationship Nadia can be very critical, very stubborn, and very closed off. And I want to be better, obviously, but just speaking from past relationships, I know that when I get sick of someone, I’ll just ignore them. So… if my next relationship fails, it’s because I was being a bitch again,” she laughed.
“That is very honest,” Rachel nodded proudly. “I think you’re too hard on yourself, but I think it’s cool you recognize it.”
“Won’t do me any good unless I change it, but… I have no relationship at the moment, so it doesn’t too much matter.”
“You never know what the end of the day will bring,” Caleb prophesized.
“At any rate, I am sure Rachel is eager to get to her question, so let us move on.”
“You bitch,” Rachel whispered playfully. “All right, let’s get this over with.”
Jeff pulled one more question from the jar full of them and, again, laughed before reading it. “Who in this room do you least trust?”
“Oooohh man.”
“That’s rough,” Jeff shook his head.
“Because no matter what, someone’s gonna walk out of this room hating you,” Caleb confirmed for her.
“Thank you, Caleb. Because that wasn’t going through my head already.”
“I’m just sayin’.”
“But the question isn’t, ‘Which person do you not trust?’ It’s ‘Who do you trust the least?’” Nadia noted. “So no one should be offended.”
“I will be offended if you pick me,” Jeff noted.
“Okay. Honestly, I think I have to go with Nadia.”
“What! Why the eff would you pick me?!”
“Don’t hate me,” she pouted. “I’m being honest! And I just noticed when we were in the Hamptons, some things transpired that made me realize how secretive you are, I guess.”
“So you don’t trust me because I didn’t tell you? Rachel, what the hell?”
“No, it’s not that I don’t trust you! I just trust these guys slightly more.”
Nadia crossed her arms and sat back in her seat, not at all amused by Rachel’s answer. She considered her one of her closest friends, and sure, she liked her privacy, but she wasn’t secretive. She shared her entire life with the city of New York. Or most of it, at least.
“Nadia, are you okay?” Jeff had to wonder.
“I’m fine.”
“Nadia, you know I adore you.”
“You just don’t trust me.”
“That’s not fair, we’re supposed to be honest here.”
“Well fine, you want the rundown of the events that transpired in the Hamptons? I met Justin at the engagement party, we drove back to the city, got it on at his place, he didn’t call me. Kristin then told him to call me, so he did. Fourth of July, we drove back out there together. I hated him and then we had sex several times that weekend and then I didn’t hate him anymore. Came back to New York. Went on a date. Decided to be friends. End of story. Do you trust me now?”
“Nadia…”
Jeff and Caleb looked back and forth between the two ladies in the room, unsure of what to do with all this information. Kristin was headed towards them in a frenzy as the phone lines lit up and all the levity that was typically prevalent in the room had been replaced with stuffiness.
“Wait a minute, guys,” Caleb suddenly came to an epiphany. “That was Justin Timberlake that called in that day for Nadia?”
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Frustrated, for reasons she couldn’t quite explain, Nadia left early that day. She got through the last hour and a half of the broadcast, but she didn’t feel up to sitting through a post-show meeting and trying to pretend she wasn’t mad at Rachel. Instead, she just went home.
She, of course, didn’t realize that coming home early would mean coming face to face with Alex for the first time in weeks. They made an agreement that Alex would slowly, but surely, move her things out of Nadia’s apartment, and Alex had kept up her end of the bargain while also avoiding Nadia at all costs. When she could, she stopped by in the mornings, when she knew Nadia was at work, and packed up her entire life in order to remove it from Nadia’s.
“Long time, no see,” Nadia greeted the woman bent over before her.
“Sorry, I didn’t know you’d be home early or I wouldn’t have come by today,” Alejandra returned somberly. Nadia had broken her heart, and she had no plans on pretending otherwise.
“It’s fine,” Nadia smiled warmly. “It’s nice to see you.”
“Is it?”
“New York can be lonely sometimes,” she shrugged. “It’s good to be amongst friends sometimes.”
“Friends.”
“We’re friends, right?”
“When you’re mad at your ‘real’ friends, apparently, we are.”
Nadia frowned at her biting tone. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I heard the show…”
“And what does that have to do with you?”
“I’m not stupid, Nadia.”
“No, you’re gonna have to explain this one to me, Alex, because I didn’t have a single clue that you’d be here when I got home. So enlighten me, what are you salty about?”
“The fact is, if this were any other day “ a day where you hadn’t gotten into a fight with Rachel or whoever “ you wouldn’t be being nice to me right now. You would have gone upstairs, pretending you didn’t even see me, and not come out until I was gone.”
“I don’t think that’s fair to say.”
“Well you’ve done it before, so…”
“Maybe I’m just not… mad at you anymore.”
“You, mad at me?” Alex laughed. “You’re more ridiculous than I thought if you truly believe you have any cause to be mad at me.”
“You’re not perfect, you know.”
“You have made me well aware of that, Nadia.”
“I never claimed to be either.”
“No, you’re right. You didn’t. You just act like you are.” Alex threw the last of her kitchenware into the box in front of her and arranged the flaps into a makeshift close. “I’ll see you around.”
“Please don’t leave like this.”
Ignoring her, Alex continued for the door, knowing it would take every ounce of strength she had to keep going.
“Alejandra!” She threw down her purse and headed out the door in hopes of catching her. She was relieved to see her standing at the bottom of the steps. “Alex.”
“What do you want?” she asked without turning.
“I’m sorry.”
She closed her eyes, memorizing a moment where Nadia Maraj managed to apologize to someone. “You’re sorry?”
“I say things without thinking. And it’s been a weird day, and I know that doesn’t excuse anything, but I just need you to know I didn’t mean to lash out at you. And quite honestly… I miss you.”
Alex finally faced her, and for the first time in weeks, was able to look her in the eye. “I miss you every day,” she admitted.
“I was mean to you, and I shouldn’t have been.”
“You’re a bitch,” she shrugged. “I don’t know why it still surprises me, you always have been.”
Nadia smirked. “Where are you staying?”
“With my mom,” she nodded sadly. “I’ve been transferring my shit up to the Bronx one box at a time, so… sorry it’s taking so long.”
“It’s no rush.”
“I know you like your space.”
Nadia moved down the steps so that they were next to one another, and she took Alex’s hand into her own. “I want us to be friends.”
“There’s that word again.”
“I mean it.”
Alex knew she meant it, but she wasn’t sure it would be so easy to put her own feelings aside just yet. So she moved in and left a soft, sweet kiss on Nadia’s lips. “I know you do.”
Nadia stayed silent for a moment, staring into Alejandra’s mesmerizing gray eyes. It was almost hard to believe how beautiful she was sometimes. “Alex, I ““
“Hey, you two.” Their moment was abruptly interrupted by a voice neither one of them were prepared for in that moment.
Nadia turned quickly, rattled by the sight before her and immediately dropped Alex’s hand. “Justin. Hey.”
“Hi.”
She hoped he hadn’t seen any of that, but her nerves had already decided that he did. She was suddenly fidgety. “W-w-what are you doing here?”
“Hello,” he spoke to Alex before focusing on the question at hand. “I, um… heard you on the show this morning. And you weren’t answering your phone, so I just wanted to make sure you were all right.”
“I’m fine,” she nodded.
He nodded as well. “That’s good to know…”
“Umm… I think… Alex, you were just leaving, right?”
Alex only stared at her, while Justin’s eyes darted between the two of them. She had yet to acknowledge Justin’s presence, and she was so through with Nadia that she didn’t dignify her question with a response. She just left.
Nadia let out a shaky sigh and her fingertips grazed her forehead as she tried to think of a way out of the conversation.
“What was that about?” Justin wondered. He had a pretty good idea, after seeing the two of them kiss, but he was curious as to whether Nadia would be honest with him.
She wasn’t. “I have no idea.”
nada from nadia by Ashley
nineteen: nada from nadia
Justin stood at Nadia’s kitchen counter, watching intently as she pulled a homemade pizza from her oven. “By the way, did you get that text from Kristin?”
“The one that said we’re not allowed to gain or lose a single ounce before her nuptials?” Nadia chuckled at the ridiculousness.
“That would be the one.”
“Yeah, I got it.”
“And yet you still decided that pizza was the best option for dinner…”
“Listen, Kristin knows that unless it has to do with work, I don’t listen to anything she says.”
“I get the feeling you don’t listen to anything she says, even if it does involve work.”
“Fair enough.” She smirked, throwing her oven mitts to a neighboring counter. “But it’ll be all right. We’ll go running if it means that much to you.”
“It doesn’t,” he offered a half-hearted smile. “That looks good, though.”
“My brother actually prepared this,” she confessed, pulling plates and wine glasses from her cupboards. “From scratch. I just threw it in the oven.”
“I didn’t know you had a brother.”
“I do. As well as a sister-in-law and two nephews.”
“For some reason, after you said you didn’t know your father, I just pictured you existing in the world without any other family. That’s weird isn’t it?”
“That’s quite a conclusion to jump to.”
“I know,” he chuckled. “I don’t even know why such a sad image popped into my head.”
“Maybe you wanted to believe that your friendship was somehow saving me from a life of loneliness?”
“Maybe.” He watched her fingers move quickly to slice the pizza into eight equal parts and then assisted her in getting the rest of their dinner to her dining table.
When they were finally sitting across from one another, with pizza, salad, and wine served, Nadia noticed that Justin was staring at her as if he’d never seen her before. “What?”
“What, what?”
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I don’t know,” he offered a small shrug. “I just like looking at you, I guess.”
“It’s not a friendly stare.”
“Okay…”
“Are you angry with me?”
“Why would I be mad at you?” He was, in fact, a bit put off by her secrecy regarding Alex the day before, but he certainly wasn’t angry with her. If Nadia wanted to keep secrets, that was her prerogative.
“I dunno. It’s just that you seem… distant?”
He made a face equivalent to a shrug and then delved into his Caesar salad. “I think you’re imagining things,” he told her after swallowing. “Maybe you’re the one feeling distant.”
“I haven’t felt the same since yesterday,” she admitted. “I feel like I’ve moved into irrevocable territory.”
And there it was, finally. Justin immediately perked up at the slightest spark of honesty from Nadia. “What makes you say that?”
“I mean, you heard the show yesterday. I fucked up.”
And then his satisfaction deflated when he realized she wasn’t at all referring to the situation he witnessed with Alex, but her outburst on the radio. “Oh.”
“I mean, it’s a wonder you’re not mad at me.”
“I told you yesterday, I try not to weigh myself down with inconsequential things. People will talk about it for a while and then it’ll blow over for the most part. Trust me.”
“I don’t know why I went off like that.” She finally took a small bite of her pizza before throwing it back to her plate. “Rachel didn’t deserve that.”
“She’ll forgive you.”
“I called out this morning, I couldn’t face her.”
“I heard. They said you left them to fend for themselves,” he replied softly. Then added, “You know the longer you put it off, the worse it’s gonna be.”
“I know.”
“So…”
“So I’m hoping the weekend will give me some solace and I can fix everything on Monday.”
“Okay then,” he accepted her plan and resumed eating his dinner. Nadia followed suit.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Once dinner was complete, they proceeded with their weekly tradition of movie night, and instead of going out, they stayed in and watched Blue Valentine. With the conversation having stayed at a minimum for much of the evening, it seemed like an appropriate choice.
Nadia was getting up, about to head to the kitchen for more wine, when the buzz of her doorbell resounded throughout the house. Fearing that it would be Alex, Nadia darted for the door before she let herself in. It wasn’t Alex, but someone she was much less prepared to deal with.
“Mom.”
Nadia’s mother, Nadine “ an older, less refined version of her daughter, stood in the doorway of Nadia’s brownstone, uninvited, as always, but happy as ever to be there. “Hello, love.” She hastily kissed Nadia on the cheek before bustling past her to get inside.
“W-w-what are you doing here,” Nadia demanded in a stutter. “I have company.”
“Oh, that’s perfect. I never get to meet any of your friends, you know.”
“Mom.” The last thing she wanted was for her bohemian of a mother to meet the superstar sitting on her couch. “Mom, please stop.”
“Nonsense. You have any wine, sweetheart?”
“Mom!” Nadia’s yell caused her mother to finally stop in her tracks, but also startled Justin enough to have him come out of hiding to witness what all the fuss was about.
“Everything okay out here?” he found them at the front door.
Nadia rested her hand over her forehead in obvious frustration. “Everything’s fine, Justin.”
“Well hello there,” Nadine cooed when she came face to face with her daughter’s guest. “And here I thought my friends were making much ado about nothing.”
Justin smiled shyly and offered her his hand. “I’m Justin. Nice to meet you, ma’am.”
“Nadine,” she corrected him, returning the shake. “The pleasure is mine.”
“I, um… I didn’t realize you’d be joining us or I would have dressed nicer.”
“Nonsense, you look great.”
Indeed, it was usually a feat for Justin not to look great. In just a plaid shirt and jeans, he was innocuously handsome. “Well thank you, Nadine.”
“What are you two up to this fine Friday evening?”
“We were just--.”
“Justin was actually just leaving,” Nadia interrupted their exchange to announce. “We were watching Blue Valentine, but it’s over and he was leaving. Right?”
The movie was actually smack dab in the middle, but he noted her crazy eyes trying to tell him that she needed him to go, so he relented. “That is correct. I, um… yeah. I have to go.”
“Oh, but I just got here. We can watch another movie. Or play Scrabble. Nadia, you love Scrabble!”
“No, he has to go. He has an early morning tomorrow.”
“On Saturday?”
Justin was at a rare point in his career where he had absolutely no pending obligations to tend to. Only his best friend’s wedding. “I… yeah. I have a fitting. For the wedding,” he lied.
“And then bachelor party stuff,” Nadia added for him. “So many things to do for this wedding!”
“Oh. Well okay,” Nadine nodded, trying to take in all of the things they were saying, practically at once. “I hope to see you again soon.”
“I hope the same.” He smiled softly and graciously placed a hand on her back as he said his goodbyes. “Take care.”
“You as well.”
It was a stark contrast to the way he left Nadia, with only a glare.
“Bye, Justin.”
Nadine definitely took notice of his silent treatment, and stared at her daughter for answers. When she didn’t receive one, she commented, “Quite the cold shoulder on that one, huh?”
“Seriously, ma, what do you want?”
She followed Nadia into the house, taking note of the wining and dining and realized why she was so agitated. “Was I interrupting a date?”
“No,” she adamantly denied. “Not a date at all. Just movie night.”
“Movie night.”
“Yes.”
“But not a date.”
“Correct.”
“And this story about you two being friends is completely and totally true.”
“It is completely and totally true.”
“Okay,” Nadine shrugged, taking to the table to pick over the leftovers.
“So why is it that you’re here?” she asked for the umpteenth time.
Nadine sat back in her seat, crossed her long, lean legs, and downed a slice of pizza before answering. “I heard you go off on your coworkers yesterday. What was that about?”
“Ma, what are you doing listening to that crap.”
“Your morning show? Since when is it crap?”
“Since… I dunno,” Nadia sighed. “I don’t know what happened yesterday.”
“And they said you called out sick this morning.”
She nodded.
“You’re doing that thing where you keep everything to yourself; where you shut out the whole world. I told you that’s unhealthy.”
“Yeah, well… people don’t always understand my plight.”
“Nadia. You burden yourself so much more when you hold it in like this.”
“I’m sorry, but I’m really not looking for advice from someone who tells their business to people on the bus.”
“Strangers can be very good listeners!”
“Spare me, mom.”
“You need to talk to somebody, baby. I mean, you say Justin is your friend. Do you tell him any of these things that are bothering you?”
“I’m fine! I had a… I had a moment. That was all. It’s passed, and I’m fine.”
“Okay,” she softly conceded, taking pieces of uneaten lettuce and popping them into her mouth. She took a glance around the cozy apartment, observing the boxes in the corners and near the staircase. “How’s Alejandra?”
“Fine,” Nadia frowned.
“How does she feel about your new friend?”
“I haven’t asked.”
“You know, you claimed she was a friend for a long time, too.”
“She is,” she snapped back, before realizing she wasn’t even sure if that was true any longer. “…She was.”
“Have you and your coworker reconciled yet?”
“Rachel?”
“Is that her name?”
She nodded, “We haven’t spoken yet, no.”
“She seems to really like you,” Nadine had noticed in listening to the show. “They all do.”
“They do, I think.”
“And you don’t feel compelled to let them in either, huh.”
“Mom, please tell me what you could possibly know about relationships! I mean seriously, you haven’t had a man, a friend, or a coworker in over twenty years. What the fuck are you sitting here trying to lecture me about?”
“Nadia!”
“I can’t deal with this right now,” she realized, beginning to tear up. “I need to be alone.”
“Please tell me what’s wrong, baby.” Seeing her daughter cry instantly broke Nadine’s heart. She rose from the table and rushed to her side. “Please.”
“I keep fucking up,” she whispered as softly as she could, “and I don’t know how to stop.”
“Nadia…”
“I’m so scared.”
She squeezed her daughter tightly, as if she could squeeze out whatever pain she was feeling. “What are you scared of?”
“That I’m going to end up like you.”
Nadine immediately pulled away, staring at Nadia as if she’d just stabbed her in the chest. It was a painful blow, to say the least. “What?”
“I don’t want to ever be anything like you,” she admitted to herself and her mother. “Please just let me be alone.”
Add another to the list of people Nadia had managed to push away.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
The next morning was a gloomy one. Nadia awoke on the couch to a loop of the Blue Valentine Blu-ray menu playing on her television screen “ a reminder of all the damage she’d done in two short days. She positively could not figure out why she was lashing out at people left and right, but she meant it when she said she didn’t want to end up like her mother, crazy and essentially alone. Then and there, she promised herself that she would make amends by weekend’s end.
She called Rachel first, even though it was 7:00 in the morning, and knew that she always, no matter what, slept in on the weekends. Instead, Rachel’s boyfriend, Byron, answered.
“Hey, Byron. I know Rachel is probably knocked out, but could you wake her up for me?”
“Hey, Nadia.” He sounded weird, and she could tell he was probably mad at her. Which meant that Rachel most likely was, too. “I, uh… don’t think that’s the best idea.”
“I see.”
“Nothing against you, I just know how much she likes her sleep on Saturdays.”
“Yeah…”
“And the wedding is next week, so she won’t be able to sleep then… she won’t like it if I wake her up.”
Nadia nodded to herself. “Byron, if she doesn’t want to talk to me, you can say it.”
“It’s not that.”
“Okay.”
“But um, I’ll tell her you called.”
“I’d appreciate it.”
Without any other words, the call ended, and Nadia found herself staring at Rachel’s pretty little face next to her contact information in her phone. She hated herself for not calling Thursday. And not going in Friday. And for getting mad in the first place.
But she shook it off and moved on to calling Alex. It was a tossup as to where she would be, but she made the attempt, and was actually a bit relieved when her phone went straight to voicemail. She was likely on the train and on her way home to sleep, so she could easily avoid talking to her for the next few hours, at least.
And then there was Justin. He had received the least of her many offenses, but somehow, he was the hardest call to make. Possibly because the shoulder he left her with the night before was indeed cold, and he had never treated her that way before. She was unsure of what to expect.
“Hello?” he answered as if he didn’t know it was her calling.
“It’s me,” she spoke softly but clearly.
“Hello, you.”
“How are you?”
“I’m good,” he sighed. “As it turns out, I didn’t actually have an early morning, but I decided to get up and hit the gym. I’m quite good, actually.”
“That’s good…”
“What can I do for you?”
“Well. Umm… I was just calling… I wanted to, um, apologize…”
“Why what ever for?” he wondered sarcastically.
“Justin, come on,” she exhaled shakily. “I’m sorry.”
“You do that a lot, I can tell.”
“I do what a lot?”
“That move where you say so-and-so was ‘just leaving.’ Catching them off guard, in a way where they have no choice but to agree. You did it to Alex and then you did it to me…”
“Oh. Yeah, I guess I do.”
“I wonder why.”
She had no defense for it. It was just her way of deflecting. “I’m an asshole.”
“No argument there,” he shot back. “But why are you so afraid of me being around anyone that knows you?”
“I’m not.”
“Then why do you keep causing these disappearing acts, Nadia? Come on.”
“I said I was sorry, didn’t I?”
“And I’m asking you why you’re doing it. I don’t give a shit about an apology if you’re not gonna stop.”
“I am gonna stop.”
“Why did you do it?”
“Why does that matter?”
He chuckled, but in a very dismissive manner. “It doesn’t. I guess.”
“Are we cool?”
“We’re about as cool as we’re gonna be, it seems.”
“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” she spat, angrily.
“It means… “ he sighed again, heavier this time. More exasperated. “It means I’ll see you next week at the wedding.” And then he was gone.
She looked at her phone, in disbelief that he dared to hang up like that. She was trying to apologize, and there he was, questioning her for it.
So much for making amends.
give a little more by Ashley
Author's Notes:
Ahhh, I can't believe we're at chapter 20 already. This is where most of my stories end! LOL. So even though that is not the case here, I do want to stop and say thank you to everyone that's read any or all of this mess I'm making. You all make my days, I swear, and I just want everyone to know that. But enough of the mushy shit, let's keep the party going, yes?
twenty: give a little more
It had been about a week since Nadia’s infamous outburst, and while things weren’t exactly back to normal with Rachel, but they were… okay. With Kristin’s wedding coming up, they knew they would have to put aside their awkwardness for her big day, and so they did. Things between Nadia and Justin weren’t quite so simple, though.
The bride and bridesmaids had been sitting around the kitchen of the Levitt home, drinking and shit-talking, as usual, when the buzz of the front gate startled them all. A collection of SUVs had just arrived on the premises, which meant that the guys were back from their bachelor party trip to Georgia. Justin had treated Grant and the rest of the groomsmen to a round of golf at Augusta National “ the holy grail of golf courses, where the Masters were held “ and considering how much they all loved golf, Kristin was honestly concerned about whether they would make it back. So she was relieved to witness their safe return and that she would not have a Hangover situation hours before her wedding.
“God, look at that smile,” Mila observed the shameless grin on Kristin’s face.
“Hey man, my boo is home.”
“I remember that feeling.”
“It fades,” Becca chimed in jokingly.
“Don’t say that!”
“Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and I miss him when he’s gone, but… that shit fades.”
Before they knew it, the guys had infiltrated the house, and Kristin had disappeared into her soon-to-be-husband’s arms. “And we’ve lost her,” Lexi proclaimed as the boys entered the kitchen one by one. “Gentlemen, welcome home. But don’t get too relaxed, because the rehearsal dinner begins in exactly three hours. So take your showers, get rid of that airplane stank, and we’ll see you at seven.”
“You are a supreme dork,” Grant told his sister once he came up for air from Kristin. “But duly noted.”
Rachel had just finished her third margarita and was smiling like a fool as they piled in. “Did you all have a good time?”
“Fantastic,” Jon confirmed. “Justin almost broke a hundred.”
“Please don’t think that any of us have any idea what that means.”
“That’s actually very impressive,” Mila piped up, knowing all too well how big a deal that is on a PGA course. She offered Justin a high five as she headed towards the staircase. “Nice job, dude.”
He was grinning from ear to ear. “Let the record show that I have played that course twice before, so I did have a slight advantage over these guys.”
Nadia glanced at him from across the room, and she offered him a timid smile. “Congratulations.”
Ignoring her, he also turned for the stairs to get ready for the party. “Lexi, you said we had three hours, right?”
“Two hours and fifty-nine minutes now, sir.”
He disappeared from the room without any other words, and Nadia wasn’t the only one that had noticed his ignoring of her. “What was that about?” Rachel whispered to Nadia once everyone else had dispersed from the conversation.
“What?”
“He straight up ignored you…”
“Did he?”
“Nadia.”
“I didn’t notice,” she lied. But it was obvious that she had, because the contentedness she had before the guys walked in was gone, and she was clearly miffed. “I’ll be back.” She headed upstairs, to the room she figured Justin would be residing in, and walked in without knocking. “How long are we gonna do this?” she demanded once she found him inside.
“Whoa, what the fuck, Nadia.” He hopped up from his bed and threw down his phone he had been fiddling with, stalking towards her. “What gives you the right--.”
“I’m not gonna let you ignore me like I’m some stray cat. Fucking talk to me, Justin.”
“I’m not here for you or for us, and you’re not gonna force me to deal with this right now. Get out.”
“No.”
He sighed angrily and stared out of his window to the beach where vendors were setting up for the wedding. “Get out, Nadia.”
“No! I fucking said I was sorry, why are you making this shit so difficult?”
“Why don’t you want me to know about Alex? Or your mother, for that matter? What the fuck kind of friendship is this gonna be if you don’t tell me anything?”
“The kind where you mind your goddamn business and I tell you what I wanna tell you!”
“Oh, fuck you. You know what, you were the first person I called when I found out about my grandpa’s surgery. Why? Because I fucking trust you, Nadia. I have no idea why, but I do. But me? I couldn’t get a piece of information from you with a pair of pliers. So I’m just letting you know now, if you really and truly want to call yourself my friend, you’re gonna have to do a lot better than that.”
“Justin…”
“Please leave me alone. I need a nap before dinner.”
“Justin!”
“Please.”
“Fine.” Frustrated, she left him to his “nap,” but made sure to slam the door on her way out.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
The rehearsal dinner, to the naked eye, was a lovely while lowkey affair. It went off without a hitch, and the attendants seemed to be having a fine time. But with Justin and Nadia stuck together for much of the evening, the tension could be cut with a knife. Nadia visibly clenched when he arrived at the table, not because she didn’t want his presence, but because she knew that he didn’t want hers. It was unnerving.
“This is gonna be a beautiful wedding,” she tried to initiate a light conversation so that they could at least appear cordial.
He responded by taking a long sip of his water.
“We have to sit next to each other for the next hour, you can’t ignore me completely.”
He glared at her and then smiled at some of the other wedding attendants as they claimed their assigned seats. “Are you really talking to me about this here?” he returned to her.
“I mean, I get it. You’re not happy with me right now. But this is our friends’ wedding, you can’t act like I don’t exist all weekend.”
“I’m speaking to you, am I not?”
“You are…”
“So obviously, you exist. You clearly aren’t willing to let me forget that fact. But you’re not someone I’d choose to spend my time talking to, so I’m keeping it to a minimum.”
“Ouch.”
“And you’re one to talk about acting like someone doesn’t exist…”
“Justin, if I ever made your feel unimportant or nonexistent, I really am sorry.”
“I haven’t lost any sleep over it,” he replied evenly. Which was untrue. There were a couple of nights in the prior week where he laid in silence, trying to figure out why Nadia Maraj didn’t seem to give two shits about him.
Now you’ve been bad, and it goes on and on and on
‘Til you come home babe, til you come home
You taste best, the poison I’ve learned to love is gone
I’m all alone baby, I’m all alone
Needless to say, the two of them were more than thankful when the dinner and toasts were over and they could be left to their own devices.
“Listen,” Nadia quietly requested of him before he could get up and leave her for the night. “I’m sorry that I’m not an open book. I wish I was, I wish that I could tell you everything you want to know without being paid for it, but I am not wired that way. I’m not, and I don’t feel like that makes me unworthy of your friendship. I like you, Justin, and I don’t know why that’s not enough.”
“It’s not enough because it’s not enough. You ask me twenty questions and I answer them all. I ask you one and you dance around the subject like you’re the only person who’s ever had a problem in life, like you’re the only person who’s never made a mistake. Where the fuck’s the reciprocity?”
I’m waiting for something, always waiting, feeling nothing
Wondering if it’ll ever change
And then I give a little more, ooh babe
Give a little more, ooh baby
“I know. But there are certain parts of my life, like my mother, like Alex, that I haven’t even accepted myself, much less that I have to share them with other people.”
“What does that mean?” he was whispering so hard, he was on the verge of yelling. “You don’t make any fucking sense!”
“It means don’t push this. I am begging you not to.”
“Nadia, I don’t give a shit if you’re a lesbian or ‘confused’ or bisexual or what the fuck ever else. But I do need you to tell me the truth.”
Her eyes darted up at him in shock, and if they hadn’t been surrounded by people, she probably would have strangled him right then and there. “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to.”
“Don’t deny it. Don’t treat me like an idiot, when you and I both know…”
“I know you better shut up,” she said through gritted teeth. “Where do you get off…”
“Same place you do, it would appear,” he smirked, seemingly satisfied that he’d pissed her off so immensely. “Maybe you wouldn’t have these problems if you stopped lying so much. Especially to yourself.”
“Oh, you just have all the fuckin’ answers, don’t you. Tell me more about your perfect life and how you have it all together and how you miss your cunt of an ex-wife every single fucking day of the year.”
“Wow.” He was laughing, but only to keep from completely losing it. “And you’ll claim all innocently how people don’t like you and no one takes the time to get to know you. It’s impossible to get to know you because you’re a fucking bitch.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
“I’m over it, Nadia. You can keep all your secretive bullshit, your lies, your girlfriend. After this wedding, we can just go our separate ways and act like none of this shit ever happened. You know, like you do with Alex.”
I’m not falling in love with you, I’m not falling in love
‘Til I get a little more from you baby
Get a little more from you baby
“Fuck you,” she finally spoke loud enough for the people close to them to hear. Others’ eyes landed on the two of them as she hurriedly rose from the table and threw her napkin down before leaving the dinner all together. She treaded her way down to the beach, where it was honestly colder than she expected it to be. But she was too angry to be cold, so she just stood there, heels in hand, watching the ocean. Eventually, she heard a pair of footsteps approach, and all Nadia could hope was that it wasn’t Justin.
“Is everything all right?” It was Grant.
“Oh god, I’m so sorry, Grant. You shouldn’t have to deal with this the night before your wedding.”
“Well as the genius that brought you two together, I feel a little responsible for however you’re feeling right now,” he offered his handsome smile as he came face to face with Nadia. “What happened, I thought it had been going somewhat well between you?”
“It’s my fault,” she shook her head, “Don’t get me wrong, he’s a piece of work. But it’s me.”
“Now you know I don’t believe that.”
“It’s true. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me, but I feel like shit is bursting at the seams.”
“How so?”
She hated the idea of whining to Grant this way, but hell, he did major in Psychology. If she was going to lean on anyone, he was probably the best choice. “Okay, so. This thing with Justin, I really, really like him. I do. But there’s all these little things, that add up to big things, and I don’t wanna just run away, but I don’t fuckin’ know if I can do this.”
“What are the little things, Nad?”
“I mean, the guy is crazy famous, and honestly, the way people react to him sometimes scares the shit out of me. And there’s Mila, of course. I don’t know the specifics of their relationship, and I probably don’t want to, but I feel like she’s always there. Maybe it’s just because we’re all in the wedding together, but she’s always fucking looming and, like, subconsciously glaring at me. And I know she’s your friend, so I don’t mean to talk shit about her, but I really can’t stand her,” she chuckled awkwardly. “And then there’s me and my litany of bullshit. I can’t decide if I even want a relationship, and when I think I do, I’m reminded of how fucking bad I am at it. And I’ll be honest with you, I was in a very long relationship with Alejandra, who I introduced you to a couple of years ago? And I don’t know what to make of it, because I’m not exactly attracted to women, but I’m not sure that I wasn’t in love with her. And I honestly hate myself for what I put her through, and I’m also not sure that I won’t do the same to Justin. So shouldn’t I just… leave him alone?”
“Holy shit,” he laughed, watching waves crash onto the shore. “I think there are a few big things in there.”
“This is what I’m saying! Are we supposed to ignore all those glaring signs and just generate a relationship out of thin air? Do we proceed based solely on the fact that I like him?”
“Well, that depends. How much do you like him? Scale of one to ten.”
She shrugged, glancing at her surroundings in confusion. “Like a seven, maybe eight.”
“Well then I’ll be honest, I think you’re overthinking it.”
“You do?”
“You have obstacles. So what. When I met Kristin, she had a boyfriend, I had a girlfriend, and the only reason we even knew the other existed was because we had one class together. One awful statistics class, one semester, and we ended up in a group together, thank god. And that was all that we started with and we did, as you put it, generate a relationship out of thin air. Because I liked her, and I felt like she could change my life. And that’s what she did. So… seriously, if you like him as much as you say you do, if you think he can make a difference, well who cares about the obstacles. Go for it.”
“Grant,” she sighed. “That’s so much easier said than done.”
“It is,” he granted. “But maybe it’s time you learn to love and be loved in return.”
“Oh god…”
“You can pretend to be completely fucked up if you want to, Nadia, but someone out there is gonna love you. Why not find out if it can be Justin?”
She finally smiled softly. “You’re right.”
“Of course I am.”
“I’m sorry about all of this.” She shook her head at the ridiculousness of it all and removed Grant’s jacket to return it to him. “This is a happy night for you and I’m fucking it up.”
“Seriously, don’t mention it. But you should, maybe, go talk to him.”
She graciously accepted his advice as he helped her up the small hill back towards the estate. Inside, the table had dispersed, and she hoped it wasn’t due to her outburst. But everyone seemed to still be engrossed in cocktails and conversation, so she pushed past her embarrassment to find Justin.
She spotted him sitting alone on the staircase, nursing a beer and people-watching, so she quickly grabbed a glass of wine for herself before approaching him. “Hey,” she greeted him nervously.
He looked up, seeming unsurprised by her presence. “Back for more, huh.”
“I’m not, actually. I want to apologize. Because you’re right.”
“About what?”
I have no defense, I know you’re gonna get me in the end
And I cannot pretend, I never wanna feel this way again
“I don’t share enough. Not with the people I should, anyway, but I have this massive and probably irrational fear of constantly being judged. And while I can take it from strangers, I don’t want you to think less of me based on whatever decisions and mistakes I’ve made. I couldn’t take it.”
“So you push me away instead. Got it.”
“Hey. I’m apologizing here.”
“You were apologizing at the table, too. I’m serious, unless you change this shit, I don’t care if you’re sorry.”
“I can’t change overnight, Justin.”
“I understand that, but you’ve gotta give me something more than a bullshit apology.”
She was extremely put off by his reaction and when she looked around the room, it felt like everyone was staring at the two of them. She wanted to cry. “What do you want from me here?”
“Tell me about Alex.”
“She… umm.” She exhaled shakily, fighting back tears. She didn’t know why this was so hard to admit. Why she was making it so much more complicated than it had to be. But they were all listening. They were all judging her.
“Hello?” Justin pressed for an answer.
“She’s… my friend.”
Justin couldn’t help but scoff at her answer. He realized he was never going to get through to her. “Okay.”
She watched him rise from his seat, obviously done with the conversation, but she stood in front of him so that he couldn’t get by. “Where are you going?”
“You don’t get it, Nadia, and I’m not going to spend my whole night trying to make you get it. But I get it now, why people have told me to be careful around you.”
I’m not falling in love with you, I’m not falling in love
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that whenever you finally figure out what the fuck you want, you know where to find me.”
I’m not falling in love with you, I’m not falling in love
‘Til I get a little more from you baby
Get a little more from you baby
Lyrics: “Give A Little More” “ Maroon 5 (Hands All Over)
wedding bells and whistles by Ashley
twentyone: wedding bells and whistles
It was a perfect day. The warm end-of-summer breeze danced across the beachy scene, swirling flower petals and strands of hair into the air. A lone guitar riff played in the back of the audience as the wedding attendants made their way down the aisle. Mila with Ben, Becca with her husband Jon, Grant’s sister, Lexi, with Kristin’s brother, Kevin, Justin and Nadia… Despite the fact that they hadn’t exactly been getting along, they made a dashing couple. They were both long and lean, with impeccable smiles and an overall unique beauty about them, so it was no wonder why Kristin insisted that they walk down the aisle together. They fit together, even with the tension mounted all over their flawless faces.
They made it to the altar and separated, just as everyone else, waiting for Kristin to make her way down the aisle. She was radiant. Her fire red hair had been wrapped into an elegant bun, per Mila’s suggestion, and her sideswept bang perfectly accented her beautiful face. Her light freckles danced under the sun and the smile on her face illuminated her big, bright blue eyes. She was a stunning bride.
Grant had tears in his eyes as he watched his soon-to-be wife make her way down the aisle with her father. He knew she would be exquisite, but he often could not believe that she was his, and he was hers. It was almost too surreal to fathom. As she made his way up to him, he grinned brightly, took her hand into his, and whispered, “Jackpot.”
The ceremony went on as those things tended to do, and as they read their vows to one another, Justin couldn’t help but think of the day he married Mila. There was none of this pomp and circumstance “ just two people at a courthouse, professing their love for one another, but the sentiment was the same.
“Well, all right,” Kristin began, her strong southern accent tickling the air. “If this is where it has to happen, then this is where it has to happen. I’m not letting you get rid of me. How about that? Because I was doing this weird little thing called life, and things were okay, I was going through it all right with some of these guys and girls back here,” she pointed to the portions of the wedding party that she’d known before meeting Grant. “But it wasn’t complete. It wasn’t nearly close to being in the same vicinity as complete, because I wasn’t sharing it with you. This life? Not hearing your voice or laughing through it with you… I missed my husband. I missed you before I even knew who you were,” she grinned. “We live in a cynical world. A cynical, cynical world, and it’s a business of tough competitors.” And then the lines came that every woman in the room knew were coming. Justin found himself smiling at Nadia, a reference back to the conversation they had on their first and last date, but he quickly caught himself and retracted it before she could see. He went back to focusing on Kristin. “Grant Christopher Vener, I love you. You… complete me.”
Grant was beaming, watching as Kristin’s eyes welled with tears as her vows came pouring out. He couldn’t believe how happy he was in that moment. “You had me at hello,” he whispered just loud enough so that only she could hear.
“I didn’t say Hello, you dork,” she whispered back with a thousand-watt smile.
“You quote Jerry Maguire and I’m the dork,” he shook his head softly. Still grinning like a crazy person, he very simply vowed, “I will love you my whole life, Kristin. You and no other.”
Tears streamed down Kristin’s immaculately made up face as she whispered back, “I love you.”
It was then that Justin noticed Mila wiping at her eyes, and he almost felt a twinge of pain at the sight. But he caught her eye and offered a silly face, which made her roll her eyes at him playfully. They ended up smiling at one another as if they were the only two people on that beach.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
The reception had been underway for the better part of two hours, and Justin was getting bored with the festivities, to say the least. He was avoiding his seat at the head table, where his only company was Nadia, who he’d chosen to keep conversation to a minimum with, and Becca, who was more engrossed in her husband and their daughter than anything he had to say. His dinner was done, he’d sweated enough on the dance floor for the time being, and when the DJ decided to play SexyBack, he knew it was his cue to head outside for some fresh air. He hoped not to be bothered by anyone, but when Mila came sauntering outside, he didn’t mind at all.
“Can I join you?” her gravelly voice greeted him.
He looked up, seeing her pulling off her bright red heels with one hand, balancing a plate full of cake with the other. “Be my guest,” he offered her a hand.
“It’s loud in there,” she sighed, plopping down on the step beside him. “I was starting to feel claustrophobic.”
“They’ve got a nice crowd in there,” he agreed.
She took a first bite of her cake and shrieked at the delicacy. “Holy shit, have you tasted this?”
“I have not,” he chuckled, watching her devour it. He attempted to steal a dollop of the icing from her plate, only to be stabbed by her fork. “Did I say you could have some?”
“Well I just figured if you’re gonna orgasm at one bite, I should try some.”
“You most definitely should. But not off of this here plate, sir.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“Mila. Just a little crumb.”
“No!”
He made another play for her plate, getting punched in the arm this time. “Mila!”
“I’m so serious, dude. Back up!” She quickly stuffed what was left of the slice into her mouth and began to scrape any leftover icing off of it as well.
Justin looked on in a mixture of disgust and amusement. “You’re a pig,” he laughed.
“Damn right,” she returned with a mouth full of cake. “You truly need to go in a get some, though. And get me another piece while you’re in there.”
His first instinct was to tell her she was crazy, but after the fuss she made, he really did want to try some, so he headed inside, where there was a long line of people waiting for a slice of this coveted cake. Kristin spotted him in the line, and made it a point to finally take some time out to talk to her friend.
“Hey, you.”
He turned to the voice, surprised that she had found a moment for him. “Well hello, Mrs. Vener,” he offered a kiss to her cheek. “Fancy meeting you here.”
“I know, right.”
“You look beautiful.”
“You’re not so bad yourself,” she grinned, linking arms with him. “God, I’m glad you’re here.”
“Really?”
“Of course! I mean, I know I haven’t had any time to spend with you lately, but just knowing you’re here has been such a big relief, dude. You’re my… Justin.”
He smiled. “Well where else would I be?”
“There are a great number of places I’m sure you could be.” She lowered her voice a bit as she added, “Especially considering everything going on with Mila, and then with Nadia… but you’re here with no qualms and I appreciate that, friend.”
“Well listen… I know I haven’t been the greatest friend over the past few months, so I’m the one who appreciates being included in all of this. You and Grant, you know I love you guys, right?”
“We do.”
“So. It’s nice that, despite my many shortcomings, you guys don’t forget that.”
“You’re too hard on yourself,” she patted his back as they reached the front of the line. “Your heart is in the right place, and we know that. Everyone knows that.”
“I’m not so sure everyone does,” he chuckled, taking a look at the giant cake before them. “Now what is this cake that’s got Mila out there shaking like a crackhead?”
“Well,” Kristin began, taking plates for herself and her new husband, “you know I’m a Southern belle, so this is sweet potato cake with cinnamon cream cheese icing. And I promise, Justin, it’ll change your life.”
He took two plates for himself and offered one more kiss on the cheek to his buddy. “We’ll see if you’re right about that.”
Come and put your name on it
Come and put your name on it
Bet you wanna put your name on it
Come and put your name on it
He returned to the serenity of the deck with Mila and handed over her requested dessert, which she had finished before he even got comfortable on the stairs. “Jesus, Mila.”
“It’s good!”
“How much have you had to drink?”
“To be honest, not a lot,” she replied, a bit surprised herself. “But I mean, when you have catering that includes bacon, Chick-Fil-A, and a sweet potato cake, who needs alcohol?”
“This is true,” he smiled, finally taking a bite of his cake. He wasn’t sure about life-changing, but it was certainly good. “The Veners have good taste.”
“’The Veners,’” she repeated with a chuckle. “God, how weird is that.”
“I know. They’ve been together, what, ten years now?”
“Eleven.”
“Their courtship outlasted our entire marriage.”
“So it would appear.”
“Well. Here’s hoping your next one will be better.” He tried to sound optimistic for her, but the pain he felt was apparent in his voice.
“I know you don’t think so, but James is a good guy.”
“I don’t have any opinion on him one way or the other, Mi.”
“You do.”
“I mean, it’s a little questionable that he’s not here with you, but who am I to judge.”
“He works very hard,” she defended her man.
“It’s Labor day.”
“No rest for the wicked,” she shrugged. “As long as he’s at our wedding, I don’t give a fuck, to be honest.”
“I thought you weren’t having a wedding.”
“You know what I mean. Don’t be an asshole.”
“It is ridiculous that it makes me smile when you say that,” he chuckled softly. “Reminds me of the old days.”
“Makes you feel nostalgic, huh.”
“It does.” Finishing what was left of his cake, he sat his plate down on the step below him and leaned back against the step behind him, which allowed him a perfect view of Mila’s perfect face. He found himself studying the traces of sadness that lingered on it. “Did you know that nostalgia literally means ‘the pain of an old wound?’”
“Really?” she looked back to him. “Like it’s not supposed to be a good feeling?”
“I think that’s what people associate it with now, but if we think about it, I think it’s something that makes you ache a little bit. It’s a twinge in your heart, far more powerful than just a ride down memory lane.”
“Yeah, I guess it does hurt a little bit to look back on things. On good things, anyway.”
“It’s why songs like In My Life and Good Riddance resonate with people so much. Everyone has that something they look back on with fondness, but also a longing.”
“’The pain of an old wound,’” she pondered. “Wow.”
“I know.”
They sat in silence for minutes, just listening to the sounds around them “ the wind, the music from inside, the water. It was so peaceful. Mila knew how much he liked the quiet, but she hated it, so she broke it. “What are you thinking about?”
“Something weird,” he admitted.
“Like…”
“Like… I don’t know. I feel… It feels like I’ve been watching my own life unfold, Mila. Watching it go by, and I keep scratching at it, trying to get into it. And I can’t.”
“What does that mean?” she pressed him.
“I dunno.” He peered into the darkness, fixating on the endless ocean, almost seeing himself in it. Lost in the abyss. Finally, he went on. “When we were together, at the end, I was seeing myself make all these stupid mistakes. I saw you sleeping on the couch, I saw the distance between us widening, I saw myself pushing you away… But I didn’t know how to intercede and fix it. I didn’t know how to stop myself.”
“You didn’t want to, Justin.”
“I did.”
“If you wanted to stop, you would have.”
“I have to believe that there’s more to it than that.”
“There isn’t.”
“I worshipped you.”
She smirked. “Yeah, you did. Until you didn’t.”
“I don’t remember when I stopped…”
“There was some point “ some tragic point “ in our marriage where you seemed to realize that you were bored. That we were growing up and things weren’t as ‘fun’ as they used to be, and the whole idea of being married was no longer appealing. It was just… being married.”
“I think that’s true.”
“I know it’s true.” She sighed, feeling that ache of the past. But it wasn’t because she longed for it, it was because those memories were painful then, and they were still painful now.
“For what it’s worth… I’m sorry.”
She waved her hand, as if to dismiss it as nothing. “Water under the bridge at this point.”
“Well why couldn’t it have been water under the bridge then?”
“Seriously?” she peered at him, but eventually lightened to a chuckle.
“I just wish things had turned out different for us.”
“I know you do.”
“Do you?”
She exhaled loudly, as she pondered this very question rather often. Resting her head on his shoulder she asked him, “What would you have done if you were me? Would you have loved you?”
“Mila, I was surprised you ever loved me,” he softly confessed.
More silence enveloped them, because she didn’t know how to respond to that. She didn’t know what to do with the thought that she might have been too good to love him. From various arguments over the years, she knew he felt that way, and she always felt uneasy when he said it. She just couldn’t understand why that ever crossed his mind.
“Well,” she finally spoke again, adjusting so that they were perpendicular and her head now rested on his thigh. “I guess none of this really matters. I have James, you have Nadia. We’re in different lives now.”
His fingers innately played with the strands of her hair that were strewn across his lap. “I’m not with Nadia,” he smirked. “I guess you haven’t noticed, but we’re not even speaking.”
This news made Mila especially happy, if she were to be honest, but she was making it a point not to show it. “Hmm. Why is that?”
“A number of reasons. But mainly, I just don’t trust her.”
“Wow. That is a far cry from the couple that showed up at my birthday party together.”
“We weren’t a couple then either,” he rolled his eyes. “Just a couple of people getting to know each other.”
“And now that you know her, you aren’t as into the nonstop sex, I guess.”
He looked down at her in a slight embarrassment, only to see her big, colorful eyes staring back up at him. “I guess not.”
“It’s not like you guys were trying to hide anything,” she appended.
“We weren’t,” he agreed. “And what’s funny is, that only started because she said you were being a bitch to her.”
Mila immediately popped up from her comfortable position and looked at him squarely. “You fucking liar.”
“I shit you not,” he laughed. “She was actually mad at me before you came along. So I guess I should thank you for that weekend.”
Mila had been annoyed by it at the time, but knowing she was the reason for it, she was heated. And not in a bad way. She eyed him just long enough for it to become uncomfortable. “You wanna go back to the house?”
Even if he hadn’t known what that meant, he probably would have gone. “…Sure.”
It’s not even her birthday but I wanna lick the icing off
Give it to her in the worst way
Can’t wait to blow her candles out
I want that cake, cake, cake, cake, cake…
After making a discreet exit from the reception, they stumbled and fumbled their way up to Justin’s room, tearing off each other’s red and navy blue attire faster than their minds could stop them.
In the year they had been apart, Mila hated to admit that she missed the way Justin fucked her. James was great, because he was attentive and he obviously cared about pleasing her first. When he was around, of course. But Justin, he just instinctively knew exactly what to do. He didn’t have to ask, he didn’t even seem to think about it. His kisses, his hands, his stroke just answered every unasked question she had.
Remember how you did it, remember how you fit it
If you still wanna kiss it, come, come and get it
Sweeter than a rice cake, cake worth sipping
Kill it, tip it, cake, fill it
Justin’s hands were full of Mila “ her hair, her face, her thighs “ he couldn’t get enough. He had missed her so much, and he wasn’t afraid to show it. As his tongue made its way down her neck and he pulled off her bra, he felt like he was 20 again, doing it with her for the first time. His mouth filled with her breasts and continued down her torso, circling her belly button with his tongue with a smile. He never thought he’d be back there again, but even so, he stopped just before removing her thong. “You’re gonna regret this in the morning,” he warned her.
She smirked and did him the favor of pulling off her own underwear, positioning herself on top of him. “Never stopped me before.”
Ooh baby I like it, you’re so excited
Don’t try to hide it, I’mma make you my bitch
Maybe Kristin was right. Maybe that cake did change his life.
Cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake…
Lyrics: “Birthday Cake” “ Rihanna (Talk That Talk)
the walk of shame by Ashley
twentytwo: the walk of shame
The morning after the wedding, the house was quiet. Most of the bridesmaids and groomsmen remained, but with everyone asleep, and Grant and Kristin off to the airport for their honeymoon, few creatures were stirring inside the Levitt’s Hampton home.
Mila’s eyes popped open at the stroke of 10:00 AM, and regret smacked her in the face like a ton of bricks. She looked over to her left for confirmation, finding Justin, sound asleep and butt naked. There was no denying that they’d slept together. And despite her many efforts to be the unaffected one in this divorce, she allowed her jealousy over Nadia send her into an unfixable tailspin.
“Fuck,” she whispered to herself as she discreetly tried to pull herself out of bed. Justin was typically a light sleeper, but that was greatly dependent on how much he had to drink the night before, and she didn’t want to take any chances of waking him.
She quickly slipped on her navy blue frock from the wedding, grabbed her underwear and shoes, and tiptoed out of there, down the hall to her own corner of the mansion. She was simultaneously relieved and bothered by the fact that someone had brought her phone and clutch up to her room and placed it on the bed for her. She felt like she was being judged by whoever left it. But she quickly threw her contradictory emotions to the side and found some comfortable clothes to throw on and head downstairs.
She puttered into the kitchen, hoping to find some coffee waiting, but she only found a very disheveled version of Rachel sitting in the breakfast nook with a glass of orange juice. “Good morning,” Mila croaked out sweetly.
“Morning,” she whispered. She had obviously not been awake for very long.
“Are you the only one up?”
Rachel shook her head and pointed just beyond Mila, where Nadia had just rounded the corner. The mere sight of her made Mila visibly tense.
“Good morning,” Nadia greeted her coolly. She maneuvered around her to grab a bottle of ginger ale from the counter and took a seat at the table across from Rachel.
Mila didn’t say anything, but continued her search for coffee, though the only thing she wanted to do with it at that point was throw it at Nadia.
“Are you all right?” Rachel was asking Nadia when she sat back down.
Nadia nodded as she took small sips of her soda. “Yeah, just feeling hangover-ish, I guess.”
“I have such a headache,” Rachel agreed. “It feels like the speakers from last night are sitting on top of my brain.”
“I didn’t even drink that much,” she shook her head in disbelief at how bad she felt. “A few glasses of wine, a martini. Nothing crazy.”
Mila was rolling her eyes at their conversation, but didn’t want to be rude to Rachel by not offering to make her some coffee. “Hey Rach, would you like some?” she held up a bag of beans from the island of St. Helena.
“Umm… No, I think I’m good.”
“That coffee is like eighty bucks a pound,” Nadia interjected when she noted what Mila had in her hand. “I don’t know if the Levitts would want you to use that.”
Ignoring her, Mila continued her task of pouring the beans into the grinder and putting it on its highest speed to drown out any other sounds.
“I’m serious,” Nadia shouted, making sure that she wouldn’t be ignored. When the grinder was done, she added, “I’m sure Kristin’s mom didn’t make it a point to tell me that for no reason.”
“Maybe she told you because she knew you couldn’t pay her back,” Mila snapped at her. “I’m fine.”
All Nadia’s feelings of nausea were quickly pushed to the side as her eyes narrowed to slits, and she walked up to the counter so that she was directly across from Mila. “I wasn’t aware that you had access to my bank account.”
“Excuse me?”
“I didn’t fucking stutter.”
“What is it that you want from me?”
“I want you to reconsider your previous statement, because last I checked, you don’t know what I can fucking afford and don’t have any goddamn business commenting on it.”
“All I’m saying is that I can afford to pay back a debt of eighty bucks, or whatever you claim this costs.”
“Then that’s what you should’ve said, Mila.”
“You’ve made your point, Nadia. I don’t need you to coach my fucking conversations.”
“Clearly, you do,” she replied tersely, before turning back towards the table. “Watch yourself.”
“Obviously, you watch me enough for the both of us.”
“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means I saw you looking when me and Justin left the reception last night.”
“Well wouldn’t that mean you were checking for me, too?” Nadia countered, coolly taking her seat. She crossed her long cocoa-colored legs and went back to her conversation with Rachel, who’d watched their entire exchange in complete disbelief.
“Is everything… okay?” Rachel asked with wide eyes. She couldn’t imagine people actually talked to one another that way outside of reality shows. Especially not two people that were almost strangers.
“I’m cool,” Nadia shrugged, taking another sip of her ginger ale. “Shit, better than ever.”
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
The truth was, Nadia was not better than ever. In fact, not only did she feel awful physically, but mentally and emotionally, she felt like a wreck. She accepted her part in it, and that the reason Justin wasn’t speaking to her was because of her own nonsensical insecurities, but when she saw him leave the party with Mila the night before, it was a punch to the gut. She didn’t expect him to replace her so easily. But then again, maybe she had been Mila’s temporary replacement all along. Either way, she hated the outcome.
As soon as she could muster the strength, Nadia was on the first available train back to the city. She didn’t want to wait for everyone to wake up, where she’d have to say a lot of awkward goodbyes, especially to Justin. She just wanted to escape that house, wafting with Mila’s attitude, and get back to what she knew best “ Brooklyn.
Tired from the weekend, she entered her cozy quarters with nothing on her mind but climbing into bed for the rest of the day. Imagine her surprise when she found Alejandra snoring between her sheets. Suddenly, Nadia erupted into tears.
Eventually stirred by her sobs, Alex opened her eyes to find a broken version of Nadia in front of her, and her heart immediately shattered. “Nadia?”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she cried softly, covering her mouth with her hand.
“You’re scaring me…”
“I’m losing it.” She shook her head, as if to shake her troubles away, and began to wipe her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she sniffled.
“Don’t be sorry. Tell me what’s wrong with you,” Alex demanded.
“I had a shitty weekend,” she shrugged, looking her straight in the eye. “And I just wanna get into bed and sleep until my alarm goes off in the morning.” She began to peel off her train clothes, found a pair of sweats and a wifebeater, and crawled into her comfortable queen with Alejandra.
“Nadia…”
“I don’t want to talk.”
Hesitantly relenting, she watched as Nadia let her head fall against her pillow and closed her eyes to the world. She studied the woman she yearned so desperately to know better, searching for the source of her sadness. “You’re so beautiful,” she whispered, admiring her lips.
A tear slipped past Nadia’s closed eye, falling to her pillowcase. “Stop looking at me,” she replied quietly.
I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
“Why won’t you talk to me?”
“I don’t know what to say.” She winced, noting that that had been the same thing she told Justin. “I never know what to say.”
“You talk nonstop for your job, and you do it pretty fuckin’ well.”
“Maybe that’s why I’m rendered speechless in real life.”
I am taffy stuck and tongue tied
Stutter-shook and uptight
“You don’t make any sense.”
“I know.”
“Talk to me.”
“You won’t like what I have to say,” Nadia promised.
“Try me.”
“I can’t afford to. Not right now.”
“Did something happen at the wedding?” Alex tried to guess.
Nadia gave an almost imperceptible shake of her head.
“Did you and Rachel make up?”
“Yeah… we’re fine, I guess.”
“You guess?”
“I think so.”
“Okay…”
Pull me out from inside
“Alex, it’s really nothing,” she lied “ mostly for her own benefit. “I am just exhausted and hung over and I’m not exactly thinking clearly.”
“You’re an emotional wreck.”
“I’ll live.”
They laid in silence for a long time, sneaking glances at one another when they hoped the other wasn’t looking. For all the times Nadia wanted Alex to give her space, she had to admit that she enjoyed having her there in that moment. After she thought about it, she didn’t actually want to be alone that day. She never wanted to be alone, it seemed, so she didn’t understand why she kept pushing people away.
“Nadia?” Alex called out to her softly.
“Yes?”
“You’re sad about him, aren’t you?”
Was that possible? Was she feeling this overwhelming sense of depression over Justin? That didn’t sound right. It didn’t feel right. She hadn’t been that attached to the guy. They’d spent the summer together, and it had been fun, sure, but he wasn’t anything to mourn over. Was he?
“I don’t know what I’m sad about, Alex.”
I am ready, I am ready, I am ready
I am fine
“You lie.”
“I’m serious,” she sniffled. “Could it be him? I guess. But I don’t think it is.”
“What did he do?”
“He didn’t do anything,” she chuckled quietly. “I’m just not the friend he wanted. I’m sure you know how that goes.”
“Why are you like that?” she pressed.
“Why am I like what?”
“You know…”
“Oh, why am I a bitch?” She rested her hand over her eyes as her heart pounded in her head. “I ask myself that all the time. I’ve yet to come up with a plausible answer.”
Alex ran her hand along Nadia’s face, softly caressing her tear-filled cheek. “You’re so perfect when you wanna be.”
“You put me on a pedestal I don’t deserve, Alex.”
“You lecture me for loving you,” she scoffed. “I’ll never understand you.”
“Stop trying to.”
I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
“I’m sorry I was here when you came home. I didn’t expect you back until later…”
“It’s fine,” she assured her curtly. “But I really would like to sleep now.”
“Oh…” The disappointment in Alex’s voice was obvious, but she knew she needed to tread lightly if she had any chance of staying. “We’ll sleep then, mija.”
And without anymore words exchanged, the two of them drifted into a comfortable slumber.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Several hours later, Nadia was shaken from her sleep by an unsettling chill that seemed to hit her like a ton of bricks. She hopped out of bed, not completely cognizant of her surroundings or the time, but she was clear that she had been struck with a mission.
Pull me out from inside
She quietly slipped into a pair of flip-flops, wrapped her straightened hair into a ponytail, threw on a hoodie, and left Alejandra with a kiss to her unwitting and unconscious forehead.
With her purse in hand, she puttered out of the front door with purpose. She checked her cell phone, just in case she had missed a call or text from… anyone, but only noted the time. It had just rounded the corner from midnight, and knowing she had to be up for work in less than four hours, she quickened her pace.
When Nadia finally reached the only open store on the block, she took a deep breath. She felt like she’d practically run there, on a whim, no less, and now she was nervous to take the next steps. If her hunch ended up being correct, things were about to change. Drastically. It was a weird feeling.
I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding
I am colorblind
She entered Duane Reade with much trepidation, but even more tenacity. Her legs seemed to be moving faster than her brain, but they caught up with one another when she was greeted by the cashier.
“Good evening.”
“Hey,” Nadia returned brusquely. “Pregnancy tests?”
“Aisle seven,” the cashier grinned.
And she was off. Before she knew it, she found herself in an aisle full of contradictions. Condoms and pregnancy tests. “Irony,” she mumbled to herself. And then she realized that she was feeling the oddest mixture of tense and tranquil “ she was a contradiction herself.
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
She decided on the most expensive test there was “ First Response Gold. She didn’t know what the hell “gold” meant, but she wasn’t going to skimp when it came to something that important. “Digital test with results in three minutes.” Sounded good to her.
Nadia had to stop herself from shaking as she removed the box from the shelf. She had been having sex for sixteen years, and this was the first time she’d experienced anything like this. Being scared didn’t seem to fully fit the occasion. She was scared, of course, but also something else she couldn’t quite pinpoint. She would go home with her pregnancy test, pee on a stick, and her life would either stay the same, or change in every imaginable way. What a feeling.
I am ready, I am ready, I am ready
I am fine
Lyrics: "Colorblind" - Counting Crows (This Desert Life)
coffee black and egg white by Ashley
Author's Notes:
Hi all! Super busy week, sorry I haven't updated sooner. This chapter is kinda blah, but... it's necessary. So sorry! But talk to me anyway lol.
twentythree: coffee black and egg white
Nadia had quickly downed a bottle of water on her walk home so that she wouldn’t have to wait an inordinate amount of time to take the test. When she walked in, she sat on her couch and stared into the darkness until the feeling actually hit her.
Having been a nurse, she had administered many pregnancy tests in her lifetime, and she knew that the next few minutes of her life were precious. Most women needing pregnancy tests in the emergency room were not prepared for a baby, be it emotionally, physically, or financially, so they often cried in anticipation. Or prayed. Some did both. Some left before the results even came back, which always scared her. But she understood how jarring it was to know that your entire world could be flipped to something unrecognizable in a matter of seconds. In fact, Nadia wished she could run from this herself, but instead, she let out a shaky exhale before beginning.
She tried to move as quietly as possible, so as not to wake Alex. She used the smaller downstairs bathroom, though she would have much preferred to do it in her own room. “Fucking Alex,” she muttered as she calmly peed into a plastic cup.
The three minutes between dipping the stick and getting an answer were the longest three minutes of Nadia’s entire life. Three minutes was nothing in the grand scheme of an entire day. The length of a song, a stoplight, a commercial break. But in that moment, with her thoughts running rampant, three minutes felt like three days. And then finally, it appeared.
YES+
Her breathing quickened and stuttered, her face felt hot, and suddenly, the room began to spin. “Fuck,” she croaked out quietly. And then a spattering of curse words came tumbling from her mouth. “Fuck me, fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, oh my fucking god, what the fuck. Shit.” She covered her mouth, only to realize that her face was wet. She was crying. “What the fuck.”
Hands shaking, she rose from her seat, located her phone in her purse on the couch, and called Justin. It was almost 1:00 AM, so not too late, but the probability of him answering was still pretty low. But she didn’t know what else to do. It was most certainly his, as she hadn’t had sex with anyone but him all summer. Calling him was the logical thing to do.
He didn’t answer, and she knew he wouldn’t, but it still made her cry even harder. She needed someone. Something.
Nadia swiftly made her way upstairs, where Alejandra was sitting upright in bed, wide awake. All that sneaking around quietly for no reason. “Hey,” she greeted her morosely.
“Where have you been?” Alex frowned.
“I had to run an errand.” She spoke softly, which she was not typically known for.
“Were you with him?” Alex refused to say Justin's name, and her references to him always sounded like she was spitting at him in the process.
Nadia chuckled sarcastically. “No, I wasn’t.”
“You’ve been crying…”
“Didn’t I ask you to stop trying to figure me out?”
“You did, but--.”
“So stop,” she directed, climbing into bed with her for the second time that day. She ran her thumb across Alex’s cheek, and it slowly trailed down to her lips. “Just sleep with me.”
And from the way she had been eyeing her mouth, Alex knew that Nadia did not mean that literally. She nodded in understanding, and without thinking about anything else, she motioned to pull off Nadia’s tank top, her bra, and dove in for a kiss.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
At 3:45, Nadia’s alarm was resounding throughout the room, and the two women awoke in one another’s arms. Nadia felt a rush of sadness course through her body when she realized that her entire night hadn’t been a weird, bad dream. Nonetheless, she rolled out of Alejandra’s clutches and began her usual morning routine.
Walking into her bathroom, she turned on the light and was met with the sight of her beautiful naked body. She had always been slim and svelte, resembling what most would consider a supermodel. She stared at herself, pondering over how odd it would be to watch her body morph over the next 9 months. If she decided to keep it, of course.
“Nadia?” Alex was calling out to her after noting that she was just standing there.
“What?”
“Are you all right?”
Her wandering thoughts evaporated and she motioned to run her bath before answering. “I’m fine,” she lied. She moved towards her closet, picking out a pair of jeans and a tee to wear to work. On shitty days like that, she was thankful there was no need for a dress code on the radio.
“Last night was… fun,” Alex commented with a sleepy smile. “I’m glad I was here when you came home.”
Nadia just looked at her and headed back for the bathroom.
Alex followed behind, heading for the toilet while Nadia stepped into her bathtub. “Listen, I know there’s something going on. So you can keep avoiding me if you want to, but I’m not gonna give up on trying to understand.”
“Alex…” She sighed as she settled into the warm water, feeling a calm for the first time in four hours.
“Say something.”
“Now isn’t the time.”
“When will it be?”
“Shouldn’t you be at work or something?”
“I’m off until tonight,” she retorted quickly. “Please, Nadia. You’re so quiet, you’re so unlike yourself. I’m just worried.”
“I get that. But I don’t want you to worry about me. I liked it better when you hated me.”
“What the fuck, Nadia.”
“I’m sorry, but I did. I don’t like this version of you.” Nadia heard her start to sniffle and she was instantly annoyed. “Oh, fuck,” she muttered.
“I hate this,” Alex cried softly. “It’s so fucked up how you take me off the shelf like this and then put me back.”
“I’m trying to be honest with you.”
“You throw me a crumb and I’m hooked. It’s pathetic,” she was shaking her head.
“What do you want from me, Alex? You’re a friend. And if we can’t be friends, I do understand, but I’d like to be.”
“Yeah, until things are good with him again, and then you don’t know me. I don’t know why I keep falling for it.”
“And I don’t know why I keep doing this to you.” Nadia was crying too now. “God, I’m such a cunt.” And ordinarily, that wouldn’t bother her. But now that she was pregnant, she was questioning everything. How would she raise a child to be a good person when she couldn’t be one herself?
“You love me, Nadia.”
“Yeah… until I hate you.”
“I’ll do better,” she promised.
It was so pitiful, all of it. Nadia wanted to scream and shake some sense into her. Why didn’t she understand that she was too good for this? “Alex, no. Do better for someone else. I’m not your happy ending, girl.”
“You could be.”
She quickly splashed her face in warm water, and stared over to the crying, begging beauty before her. So vulnerable, sitting there naked, and probably cold. She wanted anything from someone who wanted to give her nothing, and it was so, so sad. “Alex, I’m pregnant,” she blurted out.
Alex blinked several times, trying to process the words, but all she could say in response was, “You’re lying.”
“Okay,” she shrugged.
“Nadia. Seriously.”
“The test is still on the sink in the downstairs bathroom.”
“Nadia!”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“I’m assuming it’s his,” she asked tearfully.
Nadia nodded regretfully.
“Wow.” Wiping the sadness from her face, she slowly came to terms with the news and stood from her seat with her heart in her hands. “I, umm… I don’t know what to say.”
“Don’t congratulate me.”
“Are you keeping it?”
Nadia shrugged again.
“I guess there’s nothing to say then, huh.”
“Guess not.”
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Back in the Hamptons, Justin and Mila were the only two of the wedding attendants that remained in the Levitt home. Everyone else had returned to their home cities to prepare for work that day, but Justin and Mila obviously had no day jobs, and were free to lounge for as long as they wanted. And that was exactly what they did.
“Justin!” Mila was yelling through the house, much in the same way that she used to. Without anyone else there, including the staff, it felt a bit like the old days.
“What!”
“Breakfast!” She was piling a spinach and feta omelet on a plate for him when he entered the ostentatious kitchen. “Hey.”
“Hey,” he grinned, looking refreshed and content. “I was wondering where you’d disappeared to.”
“I thought you could use some nourishment before we headed back to the city.”
“That was very thoughtful of you.” He willfully accepted the plate and grabbed two glasses from the sink for the two of them. “Cranberry juice good?”
“I’m just gonna have my coffee,” she declined, inwardly smirking at the fact that she was still drinking the brew that Nadia deemed forbidden.
“Very well.” He grabbed her plate as well, along with utensils, and headed for the breakfast table. He poured her a glass of cranberry juice anyway, because as always, he knew that he knew best.
“God, you’re such an asshole,” she giggled, taking her seat at the table. “You are so lucky I don’t feel like fighting.”
“That’s a first.”
“How’s your omelet?”
“A little salty, but… I’ll live.”
She rolled her big eyes at his obsession with being health-conscious. “Sometimes I can’t believe how anal you are.”
“I’ve been this way for years.”
“Doesn’t make it any easier to swallow.”
“So judgmental, Kunis.”
“I didn’t change my name back yet,” she revealed casually.
“You never used my name, it’s not like it matters.”
“Yeah,” she agreed, “but legally, I’m still a Timberlake. Weird, huh?”
“Honestly, it’s more weird that you ever were one,” he smiled. “Along with everything else that’s happened this weekend…”
“Yeah, we did kind of go crazy, huh?”
“To say the least.”
“Just so you know… I have to tell James.”
He frowned at the idea of her sharing that secret unless she was planning to end her engagement as well. “Really?”
She shrugged and immediately began to avoid Justin’s gaze. “If we’re gonna make it, I have to be honest with him, yeah.”
“Oh…”
“I don’t wanna make the same mistakes I did with you.”
“No, I get that. I umm… that’s commendable, I guess.”
She began to eat her food, a bit hesitant to ask him the question that was really on her mind for some reason. “Are you gonna tell Nadia?”
He scoffed at the mere mention of her name. “Why would I do that?”
“I dunno. I don’t know what you two tell each other.”
“I told you we’re not speaking to each other.”
“Oh shit, you did tell me that.”
“Don’t act like that’s not the only reason you’ve been fucking me these past two days,” he smiled coolly.
“You’re so crass.”
“Don’t forget how well I know you, Mila.”
“I was very much reminded last night and the night before,” she grinned, illuminating her entire face. And then her phone illuminated, vibrating against the table. It was James. “Shit, excuse me a sec.”
“Sure.”
“Hi, baby,” she answered brightly, hopping up from their clandestine breakfast.
“Milena, bella mia,” he greeted her for the first time in four days. “I’ve missed you. How was the wedding?”
“I’ve missed you too,” she grinned into the phone as she stared out the window to the ocean. “And it was fuckin’ gorgeous, of course. And everyone asked about you.”
“Yeah right,” he chuckled. “We'll have to take the happy couple on a trip sometime."
"Oh yeah, like you'd ever take a vacation," she rolled her eyes playfully. "How was your weekend?"
"Busy and boring," he sighed. "Everything is cool with your previous ‘situation?’” he wondered about Justin.
“Yeah,” she decided to lie, glancing over to him as she did so. “I mean, we didn’t really cross paths much, but hey, we got through it, he’s gone, I’m heading home in a few, and… that’s all there is.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there, you know.”
“You were missed.”
“That’s good to hear,” he was obviously smiling. “So I’m at the airport now, I should be in the city in about six hours. Let’s have dinner?”
“Absolutely.” She was smiling as well. “Il Buco?”
“At eight.”
“I’ll pencil it in.”
“I’ll see you soon.” And then he was gone.
With a sigh of content, she returned to the table just in time to watch Justin finish his breakfast. He looked up at her as if he was in on some secret she wasn’t.
“What?” she wondered loudly.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Yeah, but you’re smirking like a jackass. What is it?”
“It’s nothing,” she shrugged. “You just… you didn’t tell him.”
“Well. I mean, I wasn’t gonna do it over the phone.”
“Uh huh.” He got up from the table, still smirking like his life depended on it. “So I guess you’ll tell him at Il Buco.”
“You’re so fucking nosy!”
“You love it.”
“I’ll tell him when the time is right,” she assured him. “And I promise you, this weekend will not happen again.”
“Uh huh.”
“Justin, I’m fucking serious!”
“Right,” he was laughing. And then his own phone was vibrating against his thigh, which put his laughter to a halt. Was James calling him now? Had Mila tipped off her fiancé without him even knowing it? But no, he nervously pulled out his phone to see Nadia’s sultry simper staring back at him.
It was 10:08, so she had obviously just gotten off air, and it was the second time she had called that morning. He would be lying if he said he didn’t wonder what she wanted, but he wasn’t in the mood to deal with whatever it was. He only had a few more hours with Mila, and he wanted to enjoy them. He pressed the Ignore button and went back to his conversation.
wake me up when september ends by Ashley
Author's Notes:
I am super sorry for the delay, you guys! I don't even have a good excuse, just pure busyness. But here's another chapter of nonsense to hold you over lol.
twentyfour: wake me up when september ends
It had been over a week, and Justin still hadn’t returned Nadia’s call. She was more frustrated than sad about it, but that didn’t stop her from crying over it almost every day. It was times like this she almost wished she still worked in the ER, because that hectic schedule most certainly would have taken her mind off of it. Working just 4-5 hours a day, she had way too much time to think of everything that was wrong.
Nonetheless, she had an obligation to let Justin know what was going on, one way or another, so she sucked it up and called him again. He couldn’t ignore her forever, could he? The phone rang several times, to the point she was sure he wouldn’t pick up, until finally…
“Hello?” It was a woman’s voice, thick with sleep. Mila.
“Fuck me,” Nadia pulled the phone away to whisper to herself. Regaining her composure, she returned to the call to greet literally the last person she wanted to talk to at the moment. “Hey. Umm, it’s Nadia.”
There was a big sigh on the other end, as if she didn’t know who was calling. “Yeah…”
“Is Justin available?”
“He’s sleeping,” she answered coldly. “You got a message?”
“It’s actually kind of important, could you maybe wake him up?”
Mila considered it, but then sighed again, “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
It was 11:00 in the morning, how sleepy could he be? “Listen, he hasn’t returned any of my calls in a week, and I kind of do need to talk to him, so if you could do me a solid, I would appreciate it.”
“Your funeral,” she relented eventually. She lightly shook Justin from his slumber and handed him the phone. “It’s your friend, Nadia,” she sarcastically announced. “She insisted.”
Frowning, Justin wiped the sleep from his eyes and retrieved the phone from his ex-wife, staring at the face on the screen. He was so confused, having been catapulted from his dreams, but took the call anyway. “Hello?” he greeted her groggily.
“Justin. Hey.” She was suddenly nervous, and she didn’t know why. It’s not like she was going to tell him over the phone. And certainly not while she was at work. She just needed to set up a time and place to talk to him. This was the easy part.
“What’s up,” he returned tersely.
She wasn’t sure if he was being curt because he was sleepy or because he was mad at her, but either way, she wanted to cut to the chase. “Umm… okay. So the way things were left between us, I’m still not entirely sure what happened, but I know I can’t afford to leave us hanging in the balance this way…”
“Okay…”
“So I wanted to see if you were free for dinner sometime soon, I wanted to talk. Get shit out in the open and all that jazz.”
“Nadia,” he sighed. “I… I don’t know.”
“It’s really important to me,” she appended before he could shoot her down completely. “If you’re not comfortable with dinner, we can do lunch, breakfast, a walk in the park, I don’t give a shit. I just want to talk to you, face to face.”
He glanced at Mila, who was clearly trying to pretend not to be paying attention, but in the silence of his bedroom, he knew she could hear every word Nadia said. “Why?” he eventually asked her. “Why now, after I begged you so many times to just talk to me?”
“I don’t know,” she was on the verge of tears when she realized he was not going to make this any easier on her. “I’m just not the happy, sharing, caring kind of person I guess I should be. I don’t know how to talk to people, I’m realizing.”
“You talk to people every day on the radio. You don’t seem to have a problem sharing your life there.”
There it was again. If she didn’t know any better, she would have sworn he and Alejandra were in cahoots. “They’re strangers,” she shrugged to herself. “There are no faces staring back at me, clamoring for more than I’m willing to give.”
“I see.”
“I’m fucked up, Justin. I never denied that. But I’m trying.”
“I appreciate the effort,” his tone softened just a smidge, “but… I don’t have room for your fucked up in my life. I have enough of my own baggage to deal with.”
And then the floodgates opened. Her face was covered in tears before she could even come up with a response. “I see. Too little, too late, I guess.”
“Pretty much,” he confirmed.
“I guess now that Mila is back, you don’t need any other friends, huh?”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that I was an okay person to spend the summer with while you were still aching from your divorce, but as soon as that bitch walks back into your life, I’m not good enough anymore.”
“Nadia,” he chuckled her name in a way that almost sounded evil. “You did this. You don’t get to blame this on me, and you definitely don’t get to blame it on her. You and all your lying and your walls you put up. You don’t get to blame anyone but yourself.”
“Whatever, Justin. You know, I tried. I’m here, trying to fix it, and you’re not even willing to hear me out. And you can pretend it’s not because of her, but I think we both know if you weren’t back in each other’s beds, you would have at least given enough of a shit to listen to me.”
“Maybe so,” he granted after a few seconds of thought. “Maybe so. But the fact is, she’s here, and I’m good without you, so…”
“You’re an asshole,” she spat before hanging up the phone. She was crying almost uncontrollably, realizing that that went exactly how she didn’t want it to go. Her heart hurt.
Rachel, having overheard most of the conversation from her side of the desk, immediately went to check on her friend and coworker. “Nadia.” When she saw how dejected and disheveled her friend looked, she wanted to cry, too. “What the hell is going on?”
Nadia covered her face, embarrassed that she’d just let that conversation happen at work, and now she was crying for what felt like the millionth time in weeks. She hated whoever she was becoming. “I’m all right,” she eventually told Rachel, though anyone with two eyes could see that that wasn’t true.
“You’re not,” Rachel refused to accept. “What the fuck did he do to you?”
She shook her head adamantly. “I did it to myself.”
“Bullshit. You’ve been so sad since the wedding, and I’ve tried to ignore it because you obviously didn’t want to talk about it, but I can’t just act like I didn’t hear what I heard.”
“Our friendship is over,” she shrugged, wiping her eyes. “Not much more to tell.”
Rachel took a seat in the other chair occupying Nadia’s desk, and took her hand. “Listen to me,” she was whispering so low, Nadia could barely hear her. “You and your baby will be just fine without him.”
Nadia’s eyes widened in shock and she involuntarily snatched her hand away to cover her mouth. How did she know? She hadn’t told anyone but Alex yet. How could she possibly… “What?”
“Come on, you’ve been acting nothing like the cool, calm, collected Nadia that I know. You’ve been a little bit crazy, actually. You've been sick and throwing up for weeks now. And we all know what you and Justin were up to all summer. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist…”
She grabbed her friend and pulled her towards the elevators so that they could discuss it in private. “Rachel, if anyone else knows, you better tell me right now.”
“I don’t know!” She put a comforting arm around Nadia and tried to talk her through it. “I surely haven’t discussed it with anyone. And I doubt Kristin noticed, being totally immersed in her wedding and all. When she gets back, that’s a different story, but for now… I think your secret is probably safe.”
“Shit, Rach. I… don’t know what to do.”
“You’ll be fine,” she promised her again. “You don’t need him.”
She closed her eyes and melted into her friend’s embrace as they rode the elevator up and down the building’s floors. A few people joined them along the way, most likely wondering why two women were standing in the corner in tears, but it didn’t matter. That was the first time Nadia had felt any solace in weeks. Maybe it was nice to hear someone say it would be all right. Or maybe she was relieved that Justin was being such an asshole, so she didn’t feel obligated to keep a baby she didn’t necessarily want. She wasn’t sure why she was feeling such an overwhelming calm, but she was glad it was there. Even if it was just before the storm.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
When her work day was finally over, at just 1:00 in the afternoon, Nadia was exhausted. She’d been through the emotional ringer, and it probably would have been in her best interests to go straight home. She had a doctor’s appointment the next day, so she really should have enjoyed her time off while she could. Instead, she headed to Queens for a visit to her mom.
“So this is a pleasant surprise,” Nadine announced as she handed her daughter a bottle of water. They sat at her kitchen table, blankly staring towards one another. “What brings you to Queens, kiddo?”
Nadia was suddenly speechless, unsure whether she wanted to share her news now. “I… umm. I’m not sure,” she chuckled nervously.
“Sure you do. Last time we saw each other, you weren’t exactly keen on speaking with me, so there has to be a reason.”
“I know. But something’s... happened, and... I thought I should tell you, I guess.”
Nadine began grinning like a child, and took her daughter’s hand. “What is it? Where is it?”
“Where is what,” Nadia snatched her hand away, annoyed with her mother’s giddiness. “Why are you smiling like that?”
“Well he proposed to you, didn’t he? At the wedding, I was betting.”
“Who?” she was almost yelling.
“Your ‘friend,’ Justin,” Nadine answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
“Mom. No.” She sighed in exasperation and took long gulps of her water. “What the fuck kind of fantasy world do you live in?”
“I’m sorry. I just… let my mind wander, I suppose.”
“Ridiculous.”
“Well then what’s happened?”
She stared at her mother, agitated that she clearly lived in a world very different from her own, but she decided to announce it anyway. “I’m pregnant.”
Nadine visibly swallowed, unsure of what to say in response. That one, she did not see coming. “I see.”
“And it’s Justin’s,” she confirmed, “but we’re not speaking, apparently, so… I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
“What do you want to happen?”
“I don’t know,” her voice cracked as she spoke. She was fighting hard to hold back these tears, as she was absolutely sick of crying. “I don’t even know if I want to keep it.”
“Nadia."
"Don't look at me like that," she closed her eyes to avoid her gaze.
"You have to keep it.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Why wouldn’t you?”
“Because I don’t want to be a single mother,” she retorted curtly.
“Why in the world not?” Nadine pressed. “You probably don’t remember, but girl, we had some good times together. Cereal for dinner, sleepovers during the week. Remember, I’d let you stay home from school and we’d go on some adventure in the city? You, and me, and your brother. We had good times.”
“It’s funny you remember it that way, mom. Because what I remember is eating cereal for dinner because you were too depressed to cook for us. I slept in your room every night because you couldn’t bear to look at the empty spot in the bed. And that’s if you were home. And I stayed home from school because there became a point where I no longer had clean underwear. You didn’t even have money to do the laundry. And those ‘adventures’ through the city entailed hour-long subway rides to Harlem to stalk my father and get into fights with whoever his girlfriend was at the time. So no, I do not have any interest in being a single parent, because if I were anything like you, my child would end up raising me. No, thank you.”
“Nadia Denise Maraj, you take that back right now.”
“No.”
“I did my best, and the fact that you don’t recognize that…”
“Mom, I love you. I do. But you were more concerned with men than motherhood, and I’m not gonna pretend otherwise just to spare your feelings.”
“I did my best,” she was crying now. “Your father left me when I got pregnant with you, and I was young and silly, I guess, but I tried to navigate my way through that and be a good mother.”
“I’m sorry,” Nadia was crying too, as much as she didn’t want to be. “And I know you tried, mom. But you failed. And I don’t wanna be a failure to whoever’s inside me.”
She got up from the table and turned from her daughter's harsh words. “You break my heart, you know.”
“I know,” she sighed shakily. “But I can’t afford to fuck this up.”
Nadine nodded, wiping her face with the tail of her vest. “Well you’re obviously not here for my advice then…”
“No, I guess not.”
“So what line did Justin use? He’s not ready for a kid right now? ‘We don’t have to pay for mistakes for the rest of our lives?’ How’d he break your heart?”
“He didn’t break my heart,” she frowned. “He doesn’t even know yet.”
“Oh. I thought you said you weren’t speaking.”
“Yeah, but that was before I even found out.”
“I see," she returned softly as she turned back around.
“So… I don’t know how or if that conversation will go down, but… it hasn’t.”
“There can’t be an ‘if,’ Nadia. You have to tell him.”
“I’ve tried.”
“Try harder!”
“I can’t,” she shouted sadly. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“He doesn’t like me anymore.” She knew she sounded like a whiny child as the words came out of her mouth, but she didn’t care. The feeling it gave her made her feel inadequate, like a little kid. And with her hormones raging, she couldn’t stop the tears.
“Oh, baby.” Despite her daughter’s cold words, when Nadine saw her child in pain, she wanted to fix it. She moved across the room to sit down next to her, consoling her as only a mother could. “I’m sure that’s not true.”
“It is, ma. He’s back with his ex-wife, he thinks I’m a cold bitch, and it’s over. It’s done.”
“Nadia, I met a young man a few weeks ago that had a very keen interest in you. And I have no doubt that if you hadn’t forced him to leave, he still would. So I need you to suck it up, I need you to get back on that horse, and try again.”
“Mom, I can’t have another conversation like the one we did today.”
“I promise you, when you tell him this news, it will change everything.”
“But--.”
“It will change everything, sweetheart. And nothing else will matter anymore.”
As much as Nadia hated to take her mother’s advice, she had to believe that was true. She needed it to be. Because if something didn’t change, she wasn’t sure what would happen.
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