A new album, media exposure, interviews, a tour, appearances, cameos, collaborations and all around craziness surround our normal everyday lives. We have Zandrya, Aaliyah, Demitryus, Nickoly, and Mikal to worry about on top of all of this. Sam has been amazing and has taken on a more hands on experience this time around. We do have a surprise for my fans, but it’s her pre-tour thing. Tomorrow night is an iHeart radio show for me and the plan is to perform our duet, she plans on continuing the song throughout the tour. Her looks have changed a little because her hair is a few shades darker than it had been a couple weeks ago when the paps had last gotten snapshots of her. "Josh, are you paying any attention?" Kailey scolds me.

"No, sorry," I sheepishly apologize.

"So this tour is supposed to go for 7 months, that portion being in the US and Canada alone before a 3 month break and then we take on Australia, Europe, Japan, Africa and the two remaining Americas?" Sam asks, looking over my tour schedule.

"Right," Kailey confirms. "When is that date again?"

She smiles and I gently tickle her side. "March 23, 2017," we announce simultaneously.

"About 9 months from now and your tour starts in three weeks. Fatima, how are rehearsals?"

Fatima giggles for a moment. "If the Boys had learned the routines as well as Sam has, they would have had nothing to worry about. Even her dancers have been amazing! Everyone will be ready within two weeks."

Kailey grins. "Good. JC, what about the dates and arenas and hotels and flights?" she reads off her checklist.

"I swear I’m supposed to be managing her," I tease, welcoming laughter.

"You are and we did agree that you’d like to have more time with her and the kids."

I nod, having no argument with the arrangement. "Usher is going to be more hands on this time?"

"He did and his words had been along the lines of him wanting to take a break from his personal career to focus on yours since Justin’s on an indefinite break."

"We are keeping the same security team, right?" Sam demands softly.

"Yes, plus three JT, Nick and Aaron had highly recommended. JC is also going to release a demo hidden on her album, the plan is being that we use your album to promote his album that’s due out in 19 months and hope that something pans out. Are you still performing Animal on tour?"

"Yes," I respond.

"So the schedule will be the same." Kailey and Sam walk off discussing the show plans, road schedules, rooming plans and whatever else they’re talking about before Sam stops to look at her assistant. I go to rise from my seat at the dining room table, stopping when they start to laugh hysterically.

"Hmm," I hear behind me.

I turn in my chair to see Usher, chuckling for a moment. "What’s that supposed to mean, man?’

"They get along as well as she and Dawn do, relax. They’ve been like this since the moment we got to Boston during her promo tour for this album of hers. Dawn would like to join her on the road."

"I thought she was going on Aaron’s tour?"

"His tour starts a few weeks after the first leg ends."

It’s three hours before her final preshow rehearsal and I have an hour before we head for her place, Aaron anxious to see me go. "Are you sure you really want to do this, baby?" he asks me, our eyes locking as our bodies sway and I notice the worried look on his visage.

"Yes, and I’ve already been promised you have full clearance to surprise us at all of her dates," I inform him, my heart dropping lower than my tone.

"Any you want to skip?"

He still hasn’t forgotten about the night he and Sam had played hero, saving me from stupidity. "Her dates in Massachusetts," I confirm, softly kissing my lips to his.

He pulls me closer by my belt loops, our bodies pressed so close together that people could swear we’re dry humping. "What about the rest?"

"I will be with her and you’re more than welcome to drop in, the only person you have to call first is Usher or JC. Kailey is another person to call."

"Kailey?" he asks, confusion etched into his features.

"Her assistant," I giggle.
"Oh! Her best friend, the newest one to date," he recalls after a minute.

"Yes, Kailey Michaelson. Kiasha’s baby sister."

We drove to the MTV MA location and scope it out with Sam, Josh and Kailey. Usher came here ahead of us by 15 minutes or something like that, making sure there weren’t any crazed fans around. She and Josh are performing Animal tonight for the first time, having rehearsed it for nearly 3 long months now. They’ve rehearsed it so much that she subconsciously goes through the routine when bored or anxious. Josh has put up with that for the past two weeks. I see her and smile, watching her rehearse on the stage she and Josh plan on tearing apart in about 5 hours. It’s now 4 in the afternoon and I’m getting hungry, Fatima glancing at me. I signal that I’m getting hungry and she turns back to them, Josh unrelenting in his desire to perfectionist mood. "JC, you two need to eat," she reminds him, Sam looking ready for a nap. "She looks ready for an extended break and a nap, too."

He stops, watching his fiancee and grabs her by the waist from behind. He says something in her ear, her head bobbing in agreement and they climb off the stage. He makes sure to help her descend from the stage to the floor below, stopping to kiss her and he holds her for a moment.

"Daddy, why are you and mommy doing this?" Zandrya asks, innocent curiosity getting the best of her. She’s three and looks like her mom at that age, her dad’s dark hair having taken over.

"Mommy said she was ready and suggested that I try to get a deal, proving to Usher that I deserve to be on the stage as well, baby," he smiles like the dad he’s always been meant to be.

"Why can’t we go, papa?" Chubbs questions, slowly stacking his nuggets in a pyramid and making his mashed potatoes into a volcano with the gravy being used as lava.

"I explained that you could go from the time you’re 13 because you can become quite uncooperative sometimes."

Nickoly grins and plays with his dinosaur nuggets, making me smirk. I lean over to my baby nephew, whispering in his ear. "Koly, are you supposed to be doing that with your nuggets?"

"They’re dinasars," he argues.

"Kol," Aaron chastises softly, not wanting to draw unnecessary attention to us in Destino.

Justin had added a kid-friendly menu a couple years back, mainly aimed at kids under 12 or people older who have inner kids just like her and Nick do. Koly quickly stops as Josh eyes him, a warning glare fired at him and Chubbs. Koly and Chubbs have been partners in crime since Koly could crawl, getting into all this trouble because of pranks, moving things and just destroying things or wreaking havoc in order to attempt to get Sam to climb the walls with insanity.

There’s a reason why she took so long to record a new album and hop onto that train again, the younger boys being the main explanation. I wonder more often than not how she’s able to handle all of this almost seamlessly, Josh slightly more bothered by what happens due to only being around for a few years while she has practically raised Mikal, Aaliyah and Demitryus on her own although her ex-douche bag was physically and monetarily. It’s the polar opposite when it came down to the emotional and mental ends of it, his heart ice cold and just so damn ignorant while she and the kids suffered. I’m so proud of her for finding Josh, his focus being her and the kids. He’s been behind the scenes since 08 I think and he has yet to even contemplate a single thing to complain about. "Ahem!" Josh clears his throat, claiming their middle son’s attention.

"Papa, I’m not planning anything. It’s not a time to do that, it’s the day of a performance and an award show. I know better than to pull that kinda thing before something as big as this to mom and you."

"No," I chuckle, closing my eyes as I try not to believe my best friend of nearly 20 years, "she wouldn't do that."

"She seemed happy to be all over him," he reiterates.

"I know the mother to my kids and the woman I plan to marry."

"She was, I swear."

I fall back against the couch, defeated. I'm almost fucking 40 and dealing with this shit, the same shit my best friend had when he was more than a decade younger. "I'll talk to her, J."

"I'm telling you, man, she's cheating or something. I know."

"How? Is it because you're still messing around with Angie behind Jessica's back even after all these years and empty promises, lying to Jessica about Angie's baby not being yours?" I fire at him, ready to snap.

"Don't be surprised if it ends up in the papers or something."

I'm mad as hell by the time she'd come in the door, left to stew in my own pot and fail to greet her when she walks in. "Hey, baby," comes her usual sweet voice.

"Oh, 'baby'?" I snarkily retort, the kids heading upstairs for their showers.

"What's your problem?"

"Hmm, not now. After they go to bed."

I get up, walking into the kitchen as I finish my 9th beer since hearing Justin tell me what he did. "No, I want and deserve to know right now what crawled up your ass. You never drink and we agreed not to keep secrets," she forcibly reminds me, stepping closer to me.

Her arms wrap around me and hugs me from behind, trying to be understanding. I shove her arms off me and move away from her. I close the fridge without grabbing another drink, walking onto our back porch to lean on the railing we had built together two years ago. This whole property screams us, tells our story and this is the first possible fight we've ever had over anything like this. She talked to me over the same accusation, having it resolved pretty quickly. I don't think this one will be so easy to dissolve or work through. "Justin saw you kissing Ryan," I softly tell her.

"What?" she giggles.

"Ryan Gosling."

She laughs harder. "It was for the video to the next single, I told you about it."

"He saw it at the fucking club!" I shout, slamming my hand against the rail.

"I can recall you being with Eva while girls were all over you for your ADLIDAS video and it was fucking okay to do everything you did on that set cuz it WASN'T FUCKING REAL?!" she retorts.

I spin on my heel to face her, my hand flying to her forearm to tightly grip it and yank her along beside me. "Studio, now," I growl angrily.

"Ow! Josh, let go. You're hurting me."

I hear feet coming toward us. "Go to bed, mommy and I need to talk. Good night, see you in the morning."

"Fine, see you in the morning. Love you." I hear Aaliyah climb a few steps. "No, Koly, they need to talk. They said good night. I'll read to you and Zandry," she tells her baby brother.

I open the studio door and pull Sam toward the door. "Go." I point down the steps and she obliges, not too happily. I watch her tight black jean covered ass switch from side to side while her mint green top hardly moves as she descends the stairs into our studio space. I lock the door and flick on the recording light, following her after. She stands in the middle of the room, arms crossed over her chest and almost as pissed as I am. I've never been the guy to put his hands on a girl in a violent manner, but I have screamed at the top of my lungs at women. I shake my head and a nasty snarl envelopes my face.

"I told you he was auditioning for the romantic interest for the Animal video and you said fine. He's the guy I leave in it for you," she softly reminds me, her voice an angry whisper as she rubs her forearm and I note that her hand is near her shoulder.

She won't look at me. I fucked up, beginning to become him, like them and it's one thing I would hate myself for turning into. Her cell phone rings and she jumps, reaching for it without her eyes meeting mine. "Hello?" she meekly answers. "No, Tina, I can't tonight. Uh," she replies to the caller. "NO! No, no, no. Everything is fine," she rambles quickly, fearfully responding.

I close my eyes, pulling my bottom lip into my mouth and release a breath. "She can come over if it's Christina," I softly tell her, knowing I need someone to set me straight before I become like the monster she left behind.

"He says you can come over. Mmmmm. Yeah."

She finishes up her call and I text Ryan, inviting him over as well. I step over to her and she shrinks away. I know I fucked up big time. She grew up abused by her step dad berating her and an aunt that hit her, treating her the way I just did. Her phone screams like Yoshi, her thing for Nick and I wince as if he were to strike me. I take a deep breath and listen for a knock, knowing Christina has most of the info for access to my LA and Winter Park homes. She is on the security list for Sam's Tampa place. I turn off the recording light and slump down on the couch, scared that I might actually lose the love of my life and my five beautiful kids due to my reaction tonight. "Please come sit," I calmly request.

She does, but on the opposite end of the couch. I can't expect anything more after what I'd done. I hear Christina's familiar knock on the door, it opening slowly. She smiles, looks at Sam and a scowl takes its place in a fraction of a second. "What did you do?"

"I fucked up, acted the way I know I shouldn't have."

"She backtracked," she states, ripshit with me. She has all right to be. I nod, it’s not worth attempting to deny that I caused something I had sworn not to do. I promised our friends and families, but I had failed over a ridiculous thing we could have just talked about and resolved without a fight. I let my past invade my life, let the fear of losing her consume me and let it make a monster out of me in the worst way possible. "You know damn fucking well that this could happen! I should call Nick and his family and tell them, but I’m not going to. I’m going to give you the benefit of a doubt and you have one week to fix this whole thing, make progress or I do call," she snaps at me.

"Thank you." She walks out of the house, telling Tyler to make sure I fix the ‘issue’ before slamming the door on her way out.

"Why would you get all up in arms about this? She’s never lied to you, looked at any man but you and you react like that?!" my little brother screams at me in the studio after he had called Lance to take her for the night, giving her time to gain her bearings again.

"Justin said-"

"Fuck Justin! I know you’ve known each other for upwards of 20 years, but he’s just a scapegoat and she’s the woman you love, the same one who gave you twins, said yes to being your wife, allowed you to adopt her kids, sings your praises every chance she gets, does everything you ask of her when she can, thanks God for you everyday, the reason you even considered marriage and kids!"

"I know, man! I let what he said get to me, drank before sh-"

He points at me angrily. "That’s where you began fucking up," he growls.

I can’t believe it, JC almost hit her over something Justin said! She told me not to tell anyone and I haven’t, but I know she’s hurting emotionally and mentally. She’s asleep on my couch, having cried herself to the point of passing out. I take the last sip of my strawberry breeze juice and put the glass in the sink, standing in front of her. I sit on the edge of the small table, watching her sleep fitfully and feel my heart break for her and JC. He’s been so afraid to lose her since he’s had her, something he’s told me and I’m the only one who’s known. She’s been afraid of not only losing him, but the past repeating itself with him. It almost did tonight. Tyler called me, begging me to pick her up so she can get back on track and I did because they’re both my friends. I don’t want this relationship to go down the drain like every other one he’s had since Bobbie, Sam being the best he’s come across in a long time.

I stand up and pick her up, ascending the steps to put her into the guest room. I lay her on the bed and she whimpers in her sleep, her phone playing Carly Rae Jepsen’s Call Me Maybe. I damn well know that it’s JC, so I answer it in the hall. "Hello?"

"Lance," he sighs, "is she up?"

"No, she cried herself to sleep about an hour ago and I just put her in my guest room." I walk down to the back hall down stairs.

"Oh. Have her call me in the morning."

"If she decides to is up to her."

"That’s fine," he dejectedly agrees. "Thanks."

I head back down the hall to my living room minutes after hanging up with JC and slipping her phone onto the desk in the back office, a knock calling my attention at that second. It’s more frantic and angry the second time. I approach the door and look through the peephole to see the last person any of us wanting to know there. I open the door. "Hey."

"She better be okay or you’ll have a death and disappearance to explain," he softly barks at me, looking over my shoulder. "Where is she?"

"Asleep and safe in one of my guest rooms," I inform him, motioning for him to come in out of the rain.

"What fucking happened, Lance?" he asks, his blue eyes on fire.

"Let’s go onto the back patio. Do you want a drink?" I ask, leading him to the kitchen.

"Uhhh, could I get some juice?" he grumbles.

"Sure, I’ll meet you on the patio," I agree, grabbing a glass while he heads out the back. I put my hands on the counter and drop my head, a sigh escaping my body. "How do you always get yourself in so much trouble, JC?" I mutter to myself, grabbing the juice container and filling the glass for Sam’s cousin.

I put the remaining juice away and grab his glass, heading out to talk to him. He’s leaning over the railing, looking out over the yard and I note that his head is down. He lifts his head upon hearing the French doors shut behind me. "Explain why AJ saw the beginning of a bruise when you ran into him at the store?"

He means the one on her right forearm, it’s in the shape of JC’s hand. "Justin said that when she was conducting the auditions for the guy she leaves in the video for Animal for JC, she was kissing Ryan Gosling and is cheating on JC. He drank quite a bit and the kind of liquor he’s not supposed to, he reeked of Captain, Goldschlaugger, and mint when I got there. He was about to cry as Tyler was tearing him a new one, knowing he fucked up and saying something about Christina giving him a week to fix it."

"So you’re telling me that Justin started it and Christina and Tyler are mad at him, both making him fix this?" he echoes back, changing some words.

"Yes. She was so scared that I got a call from Christina with Tyler three wayed in, telling me that Tyler should check on it and if I get a call from him that I’m to immediately get her, that she’d be here for at least the night."

"I know why Christina won’t tolerate it, but why not Tyler?"

"Roy and Karen raised them not to even raise a hand to a woman for any reason at all, even if she beats on them."

He nods and takes a sip of the red juice, absorbing the information. "She moved over 1500 miles down one coast from her mom and then across the damn country, excited every time she performs in Lowell, Boston, Worcester and Fitchburg because her mom shows up. She always has the Fitchburg one on a Saturday or Sunday, it ensures her mom and some other family members she cares for will be there. She gets the final head count the morning of for VIP and backstage passes."

"It’s the same way with us and she’s a serious momma’s girl," I admit.

"I know she is and it’s a rarity to come across one."

"Yeah. Can you give him a week before you do anything? Please, Nick?" I request.

"I guess, but you know Aaron won’t care and it won’t matter how he found out because it’s not from me."

I walk down the hall to the kitchen with my nails scratching my scalp and spot Nick asleep slouched on James’ couch, his head held up by his hand on the arm of the furniture. I groan as quietly as possible, wondering how he found out and hoping Aaron hasn’t found out yet. Does James know Nick’s here? Why isn’t he in a guest room? Who saw me where last night?

As I make some Toaster Strudels, the strawberry & cheese kind, I recall my steps since leaving Josh’s with James. We got in his car, grabbed some food and got gas before coming here. I know I passed out on the couch, but somehow awoke in one of his guest rooms and Nick in his living room. He talked to someone while I was engulfed in my texting marathon with Dawn in the grocery store, telling her everything that’s gone down between Josh and I since I’d gotten home with the kids yesterday. I pray she doesn’t tell Skuxx, not yet.

A text causes my phone to play a song I haven’t heard in a few days that signifies her sister Beth. I follow the tone to the charger pad in James’ office and check it, chuckling at it’s content. I send one back and shove the small device into my back pocket. I resume my breakfast routine, slowly eating the pastries and text Josh.

I fire back, asking if he gone insane.

Okay, ‘hulym’ means ‘have you lost your mind?’

I sigh, my cell scaring me when it rings and I race onto the patio. I close the French doors, making sure the lock is disengaging and consider ignoring it because of the caller. Josh’s text comes in. Can you get L to bring you home? Or I can send Tyler for you. I drag my finger across the screen, silencing the ringer.

James comes out to where I’m sitting, his cell beeping every few seconds. "I hope you know he’s blowing up this up," he informs me, putting his phone beside me unlocked and rubs his face sleepily with a yawn.

"I ignored his call just a few minutes ago," I say, sighing.

"Call him." He waves at me over his shoulder, walking back into the house.

I look at the phones for a couple minutes, contemplating on whether I should call my younger cousin or not. I hear a familiar growling approaching and softly whine to myself, dropping my head onto the railing. "Either you call A or I do and I will not sugar coat anything," he snarls at me.

"I don’t have a choice?"

"You calling or am I?"

"Fine," I cave, throwing my hands up. I grab my phone and call him back.

"It takes me setting fire to Lance and my brother’s phones for you to call back?" he snips at me.

"Don’t even start," I beg him.

"What happened?"

"Josh listened to Justin’s BS and drank some, grabbed me too tightly."

"What do you consider ‘BS’?"

"Animal vid auditions with Ryan Gosling and Justin convinced Josh I was cheating," I explain.

"Didn’t you say and prove your dedication to him before?" he inquires.

"Yeah."

"I’ll talk to them."

"Leave Josh to me."

"I’m coming to you, be ready in 45 sharp."

"But-"

"45 sharp," he growls, immediately disconnecting the call.

I slam my hand on the railing, irritated. "I hate when he does this shit."

"He’s bringing you home to talk to JC?" Nick asks.

"Mmm."

"He wants to mediate."

"Right," I scoff, dragging out the single syllable.

Nick chuckles. "He does meddle, but it’s his way of trying to help."

"I know, but he needs to quit when I say enough."

He arrives and comes in, upset but not too mad. "Sam!" he yells into the house.

"We’re out here," Nick calls over his shoulder, taking a sip of his tea after.

Aaron stands in the doorway, the frame holding him up. "You ready?"

"Could you just drop me off and I’ll call you if I can’t get through to him?"

He scrunches his face up. "No."

"How are Josh and I supposed to solve anything with so many people meddling in our relationship?"

He sighs, scrubbing hands over his face with an aggravated groan. "Fine, but you call Nick if JC won’t listen."

Nick gets a pissed look on his face, turning to his little brother. "When did I offer to get her?"

"I’m not driving back if I get half way home."

"I’m going home myself."

"I haven’t been home for more than a couple hours, hardly enough time with Dawn and we have plans."

"Fine! Fuck it! It’s not like I have a girlfriend I have to spend time with either," he retorts, texting someone.

I get a call from Kitshanya, one of Kailey and Kiasha’s cousins and a good friend of mine. "Hello?"

"What in the fuck does he mean by if you and JC can’t work out this shit that he’s going to have to get you?" she angrily questions me.

"Aaron refuses to drive back to get me if he’s ½ way home or further."

"You better plan on us staying at my house then."

I shoot Aaron an extremely pissed glare, making my displeasure with him known. "That’s fine. Kits, would you be up for a movie either way?"

"Us girls only, dinner split only because we need to talk."

"Of course, milady."

We laugh, hanging up a minute or two later and I put my phone on the table. Nick matches his eyes to mine, worried Kits is mad at him. "Well?"

"She said if you have to get me, we’re staying at her house and us girls have a date night regardless."

He sighs, dropping his head back and runs his hands through his hair. "I guess. Just save my ass," he requests.

I may have lost her. I can't let her go that easily, I really love her and I know I fucked it up. I sit here with Tyler, the remote in hand and I aimlessly flip through the channels without caring to pay attention to actually watch anything. I toss the remote to my brother, head for the studio downstairs and begin writing what I feel. So hopeless and lost, but even more in love than ever before. I flick on the recording light and begin to record the demo for it.

I recognize the song and play a new version of it, changing bits and pieces to match this particular situation. It had originally been You Ruined Me and I changed it, renaming it something semi related to it. I finish the rough demo and turn off the recording light, a knock grabbing my attention as I place my guitar on its stand. "Is it okay now?" her voice greets my lovesick ears, a smile creeping across my face.

"Yes, it's perfect timing, mami."

"Can we be serious, Josh?"

"Of course," I agree, motioning for her to sit by the drums with Nick behind her. "Why not alone?"

"I said I'd try to come alone."

I chew on my bottom lip, hanging my head and think of how to say what's on my mind. "I know what happened and I understand," he informs me.

He doesn't sit, but he does happen to pace around the room. I nod. "Josh, I know it wasn't intentional."

"I believed the drama."

"Have I cheated on you?"

I said I wouldn't be able to hold that one time against her and she asked a handful of times just to be sure. "No."

"Why would I start now after four years?" she asks and I feel her eyes narrow on me.

"You wouldn't."
"Right. Do you know why, Josh?"

"Because we love each other and you can't do that to me."

"I can, but I won't."

I look at her with a quizzical glance, my eyes meeting with Nick's and he confirms what I'm thinking. "JC, she waited for you, gives you her all and from what Lance told me-"

"I know, he texted me that she cried herself to sleep."

She walks over to me, kneeling in front of the couch nestling her body between my legs and moves her head so that our eyes meet. She takes in a deep breath and begins to sing a song I haven't heard in almost forever, Justin's song.

In all honesty, it's irony because he started the problem and Nick wanted it to end twice as fast as it had began. I think of a song and begin to sing.

She giggles and softly caresses my lips with hers, our hands intertwined. "I want you with me, to be mine and to love me the way you have since day one."

She informs me, so soft that only I could hear and I put one hand against the side of her face. "I want nobody else." I feel her hand cover mine as best as she can and see her eyes close, a soft grin gracing her features. "I'm sorry."

"Can we put this behind us?"

"You better because you two have been together long enough to do that and this is the first major issue, so just end it already," Nick comments, softly playing the piano.

"If you lose her, you'll be in need of that lobotomy, man," Tyler adds from the doorway.

Nick's cell rings and he scoffs at it. "Get ready to talk to Usher."

So we made up, got through the day and Christina shows up with Kits. "Better be good news," Christina snidely remarks, glaring at me for my stupidity.
"It is," she confirms.

"You made up?" Kits excitedly asks, clapping her hands together with a joyous sparkle in her eyes.

I nod and we hop in the limo for the award show, the girls jabbering away excitedly while Nick and I talk amongst ourselves.

Oooh, they better have worked this glitch out and hopefully never listen to Justin again! If they didn't, I'm gonna beat the shit out of Josh! I brought Beth out here to see them happy together, not apart and miserable. She hasn't answered any of my texts or FB messages, so I'm clueless as to what to expect. Beth is my younger sister, Irish twin. She has blonde hair and blue-hazel eyes, curvy. It's bad when Justin is eyeing her in just jeans and a t-shirt, he's going to be gawking over her dress for tonight. "He's still staring," she whispers to me, turning to face me.

I roll my eyes and sigh. "Keep staring and you'll have one eye to look out of instead of two, Justin!" I scream loud enough for him to hear.

"Why's that?" he yells back, playing this little bullshit game with me.

"I'll cause it to swell shut!" I inform him and he mockingly shudders, feigning fear.

I see Nick, Josh, Sam, Christina and Kitsy enter as Justin goes back to his conversation with Trace, Nick slaps the back of his head when he walks by and it's like Agent Gibbs does on NCIS. I laugh with Beth, Justin rubbing the back of his head and glares after Nick.

They join us on the stage and hug both of us in a group embrace, Josh standing behind her. She takes a step back and his arms wind around her, holding her. They did figure it out, it's been fixed and I can find out later about how it went down.

Tyrese walks up to our posse and flicks Josh's ear, prompting him to jump. He looks over his shoulder and scoffs. "Sup, man?"

"Too good to let go of her and greet me properly now?" he teases Josh.

"Considering what happened yesterday, yes."

His face turns serious and he has a scowl on his face. "What stupid thing did you do?"

"Justin convinced me that she was being unfaithful."

His big black hand covers his face as he lets out a low groan, sounding almost like a growl. "He still hasn't gotten over his loss."

"Nope, still jealous," Sam, Kitsy, Beth, Christina and I say in unison. I told Beth all about Justin's jealousy complex over Josh being with Sam.

Keke Palmer stands on the stage and talks about comebacks with Bow Wow, both playfully arguing over if Josh is a better artist than Sam and vice versa. "Well, we should see what they can do to persuade fans over who's better," Bow Wow suggests.

"Yeah, let's," Keke agrees.

"JC Chasez and Lil' Breanna!" they announce together.

I see a club like set up on the stage. Josh is leaning on the wall on one side, Sam talking to some of her female back up dancers while the guys are with Josh and the music starts. It's a clip of Some Girls from his first solo record and she begins dancing dirty with the girls, Josh and the guys on the stage gawking. She jumps in with her new song. They begin the routine for it and the bass is hot, the best part of the song in my honest opinion. Josh continues to lean on the wall with the guys as the girls begin dancing.

Josh pushes off the wall, approaching Sam and begins to sing his first verse.

The other girls fan out and take each of the boys, dancing with them as Josh begins tearing up that stage with Sam.

He touches her and pulls his hand back, acting as if touching her had burned him.

Sam takes over the first two lines of the chorus, Josh's voice blending perfectly with hers as they dance as if they are one person.

He puts his hand over her heart and moves it to mimic a heartbeat, her chest popping with it.

She jumps at him, her legs wrapping around his waist and lands on her hands upside down. She quickly does a back walk over and gets back to her feet, face to face with Josh.

They jump lightly, everyone on the stage having a blast.

They begin grinding, facing each other and she presses her body to his with her free hand snaking up behind his neck, his head appearing beside hers with smiles on both.

Sam turns to face him, locking eyes with foreheads pressed together.

Josh joins her voice, blending perfectly and matching her harmony.

They end it, each couple holding each other with one arm around the other and foreheads pressed together with eyes locked. Both Sam and Josh have accomplished grins on their faces, laced with desire and evil thoughts radiating underneath and their bodies press together harder. Bow Wow interrupts most of the audience's attention on those two the moment they kiss. "I guess they're on equal ground, they're both great."

Keke scoffs. "I still say he's hot."

"I still say she has a beautiful body," Bow Wow retorts.

We've all changed into more comfortable clothes and somehow still look nice at the same time, Sam and Josh smiling like dorks as they walk into the room. Everyone congratulating them for their mind blowing performance stops them to chat for a minute or two, both of them enjoying the high from the performance near the end of the show. They get in ear shot of us and we all begin to clamor, each of us complimenting them on the performance. She giggles and he chuckles softly, kissing each other. They look back us and thank us. "Dawn, you wanna join the rest of us girls for dinner out?" Sam drops the hypothetical bomb on me.

I glance at Aaron and he shrugs, one hand palm up. "Sure," I reply.

Suki from MTV struts over, mic in hand and a camera man behind her. "Can I have an interview with you and JC?" she asks Sam.

"Babe?"

"Sure," Josh agrees.

We walk over to the interview area and Suki sits us down in the VIP room. "So how have you and Lil Breanna been, JC?" she asks.

"We’ve been good."

"Anything new coming up?"

"My new album, Desires," Sam responds, half a thought required.

"When does that drop?"

"It dropped a few months ago and it’s been in the top five since the first week. My tour starts up in just over a week, Santa Monica being the first stop."

"According to various web sites your album has a few hidden tracks containing new material from JC."

"Yes," we laugh, her fingers playing with mine.

"What songs are they?"

"They’re Slept With My Best Friend, You Ruined Me and Carrying On (Day To Day)," I reply effortlessly.

"Didn’t you try to get them onto your failed sophomore solo release?"

"It didn’t fail, I never put the album out due to low response from fans and I don’t know what’s going to happen this time, but I have full faith in my fans on top of hers."

"How do you feel about your upcoming album?"

"I think it’s going to do well this time, I had help getting the word out there better than I had when I tried to release Kate."

I kiss her lips, Sam smirking at me after our short PDA moment. "You performed Animal tonight, how did it feel?"

"High energy, the feeling I’ve needed to push me and Lil Breanna is to thank for breathing down my neck to even attempt to record anything new for my personal use. She told me which songs sucked, needed improving and if they needed anything. She does seem to have a natural talent for the music industry."

"Thanks, love," she coos in my ear, brushing her lips on my cheek.

"If there was something you could do differently, what would it be?"

We look at each other, her mind as blank as mine. "Nothing."

"Lil Breanna?"

"I have to agree with JC."

"How are the children adjusting to you both being on the road?"

"Well, Lance and Joey will be taking care of them because they’ve voiced that they’d rather stay home this time."

We spoke with her for a few more minutes, Nick interrupting it by walking in and hugging us. "Text Kelly," he whispered in her ear when he embraced her.

Her eyes darted up to meet his with fear and worry written all over them, darting out of the room in seconds. "Sorry, emergency," I quickly explain, chasing after her.

"What do you mean he's not okay, Joey?!" she screams into the phone. "We will be there as soon as we can," she informs him, sounding like he has no choice about her appearance and hangs up. She looks at me and judging by the emotion in her eyes, neither did I. I text our little group of friends we had come with and when we get to the bottom of the steps of the club, they're ready to go.

"I'm driving," Nick tells us.

"The rest of us will meet you there," Justin agrees.

"Okay," Sam mutters, ready to go.

She explains the situation to Nick, Dawn, Aaron and I on the way. Nick takes a couple back roads, zipping by everything without a care about what could happen and we pull up to the back of the hospital in a few minutes. The kids mean the world to him, nothing will ever stop him from protecting us and he's already drilled that into my head. She darts into the ER and I lose sight of her, Dawn hot on her heels. "That's MY son in the room with the Fatones! Demitryus Colin Chasez, he's my son! Let me in!" she screams through her tears, dropping to the floor with her face covered and begins to cry.

Nick jogs up to the reception area and quietly talks to the nurse behind the glass, succeeding in getting her to call down to our son's room. I pick her up from the floor and guide her to a chair, impatiently awaiting any word about whether we can see him or if they want a lawsuit. She's on the phone for less than a minute before a security guard approaches us, her sobs rocking her body hard. "Come on," a familiar voice tells us.

I look up and see Tiny. "About damn time," I growl, following him and leading her.

I nearly drop to the floor when I see our middle son attached to all those tubes and wires and God knows what else, but don't because I have to keep her from falling to her knees and injuring herself. Nick, Aaron and Dawn become our voices. They're demanding to know what happened, wanting answers from Joey and Kelly now and the nurse comes into the room to check his vitals. "Who is the mom?" she asks as I turn her away, knowing what her reaction would be and I know it'd be the same for all 5.

"We're his parents," I tell her.

"We're running test on his blood, organs and spinal fluid. Has he ever been anemic?"

"Wh-when he was 2, I started giving him and his older siblings more greens," she confesses, face buried in my chest.

"Are there any kinds of cancers or diseases that run in your family?"

"The men tend to get testicular cancer and tumors in their brain."

She looks at the nurse and I take the chance to kiss her forehead. "Okay, do you know if anyone in your family have ever gotten lukemia or lung cancer at a young age?"

"Not that I know of, why?"

"We're suspecting it's either a cancer or lukemia."

"Why?"

"He has a bruise that hasn't gone away, his red blood and white blood cell counts are low and he's been struggling to breathe for a couple hours now."

"Is he intubated?"

"Yes, I'm sorry."

"It doesn't add up," she mutters to herself, hiding her face away again.

"Thank you, nurse," I say, pulling Sam closer.

"Cancer? I knew I should've looked harder for him."

"For who, baby?"

"Daryl."

"Why?"

"I don't know half of my family history because of that," she tells me, beating herself up just to end up in tears again.

Just then I see Beth and the rest of our closest friends except Leighanne and Leigh show up, somber looks on their faces. I hear Nick punch the wall, Sam jumping in my arms. "Nick, doing that doesn't solve anything and it's just scaring her."

"Sorry, but this is bullshit. Your son is possibly dying and it's because of something we may not be able to even put into remission," he angrily observes, pointing to our son and his little cousin.

"I'm gonna go make a call," Aaron heatedly informs us.

"Nick, take Sam. I'm coming with you, Aaron."

Nick takes her in his arms, a river of angry tears flowing down his face and I walk out of the ER with the younger of the two Carter brothers. Once outside, Aaron quickly dials a number he'd memorized over the years and puts his cell to his right ear. "I need a PI to find someone and I only want the best, I need it now," he barks at the person he called. "I need to find a Daryl Louis Wilks, his birthday is January 10, 1954, born in the state of Washington, was adopted along with his brother Boyd by a Doris and his birth surname had been Charpentier." He turns to me, determination in his eyes. "What do you know, C?"

He has two daughters older than Sam, Talina and Jessica. Talina is in Colorado and Jessica might be in Oregon, he has a police record a mile long for multple charges ranging from indecent exposure to possession with the intent to sell meth. He was living in Cusick, Washington to last of her knowledge."

Beth comes out, madder than I've ever seen. "He's been in and out of the state of Massachusetts since 1998. He has almost black hair, her color eyes, looks almost identicle to Sam. He's seen her and she had no idea. He still does cocaine last I knew and I know her mom knows his social security number."

I quickly pull out my phone and text her mom, getting his information in seconds and show Aaron. I had told her that it's a life or death situation with Kimosabi (her nickname for Demitryus). All the information is read off and Aaron hangs up after giving permission for a PI to call him. "Now all we can do is wait to hear from a PI." Aaron heads back in, Beth and I following him as we quietly talk about how she knows Sam's dad.

"How long have you known?"

"Since I was about 11, a year after meeting her."

"How do you know?"

"I described him to a T and she got pissed, putting pictures of some guys in her family in front of me. I pointed to the one with him holding her on the couch her mom used to have. She pulled out some of him alone and I still pointed him out. She got mad and began saying that she feels like he should have tried harder to see or contact her, especially since he had been in the same town as her."

"Is that when my dad embraced her she had been so cautious?"

"Yeah," she sadly admits.

I rub Sam's back and she turns to bury her face back into my chest. The nurse approaches us again, a faint smile on her face. "We have to admit him and move him to a room upstairs. You and your wife can ride in the elevator with him, the doctor and I." I hate to say it, but it looks like the tour may be postponed and things are looking pretty grim right now. I hope this doesn't stop her. "Only family and close friends are allowed in the room once we trasfer him up. Please compile a list of names allowed to be in the room and arrange for a security guard to be on watch at all times." I nod and text our security team, alerting them that three of them will have rotating shifts to keep an eye on our son.

With her tour postponed and all interviews indefinately cancelled due to Demitryus' medical emergency, she's been focusing on her children and fmily. She has a press conferencelater today with a few magazines and TV stations at the Staples arena. I'll go with her for support and she hardly speaks anymore, close to two weeks now. She's gone home to check on the 4 children, all questions having been answered by Aaron and I and they've been watched over by Dawn and Beth on a constant basis.

"Are you sure you can do this, Sam?" I softly ask, hugging her close to me.

She nods, sniffling. "I have to, Nick. My fans deserve to know why everything has been called off until things get better."

"Okay."

We sit in the chairs a few minutes before it begins, Usher explaining to the media that she's only going to discuss why her tour and interviews have been postponed and that it's a very personal matter. We take a few deep breaths and the conference begins. "I'm here to inform my fans that I have postponed my tour, new singles, photo shoots and interviews due to a family emergency," she tells them, looking sleep deprived and emotionally empty.

"What sort of family emergency could warrant this to happen?" a representative from People asks her.

"My son, Demitryus, has just been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and it's too late for the doctors to do anything, his life expectancy is less than 6 months."

"What kind of cancer is it?" someone from MTV questions her.

"It's a double edge sword, lukemia and lung cancer. His lungs have begun filling with fluid and he is connected to all these tubes and wires and IVs. It hurts us all to see him like this, this isn't him. He's usually so energetic and full of life, always smiling. He's usually the one to smile at all of you and make you laugh." She's fighting back her tears with every word she speaks, losing with the last one.

I loop my arm around her and pull her to my side, her body leaning in the chair. "Our hearts are breaking to see him like this," I comment, pointing to a picture beside me that we had taken last night, "when we're so used to him being like this." I say, pressing play on the remote to play a home video of the last time we had all gotten together. "He's so sick that he isn't awake more than a few hours a day, looks so pale and just lethargic since the night she and JC had performed Animal. They've even agreed to postpone their vows if neccesary."

We answer a handful worth of questions and we end it, leaving to go back to being back at his side at the hospital. Paramore's Emergency coming on the radio and she tearfully sings it word for word. Her cell phone begins going off with FB notifications, Alpha 5 repeatedly saying "Ay yi yi yi yi!" practically back to back and almost over lapping. She sniffles and sadly laughs. "They're so sweet and understanding, not caring about their money," she tells me, scrolling through the wall posts from fans. Her Twitter followers begin mentioning her, having the same things to say and they're nothing but understanding. My fans are mentioning me as well in their tweets to her, posting on my FB and tagging me in the wall posts for her.

"They're tagging and mentioning me as well?" I ask.

"Yeah, and everyone else on FB and putting up multiple tweets to include everyone we're associated with, even Dawn and Beth."

"Most fans care about us, but some will get mad. Post an address for them to send letters and cards to for Lil Man."

She types something on her phone, posting it to all her pages she has fans on and turns off her phone. She props her foot against the door and watches the scenery as we pass everything, focused on our current issue with Demitryus' health.

She randomly sings when something is eating away at her, but as she begins to recite the Our Father prayer is when I know she needs us all the most. She never says that prayer, not if it isn't serious and I can see the fear in her heart by the way she acts.

"Our Father who art in Heaven

Hallowed be Thy Name;

Thy kingdom come

Thy will be done

on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread

And forgive us for our tresspasses

as we forgive those who tresspass against us;

Lead us not into temptation

But deliver us from evil. Amen."

"You're scared out of your mind."
"He's only a child."

"He won't ever be forgotten, not by us or anyone else."

"I think I want to move the wedding up," she quietly admits.

"It could destroy you both."

"It could make us stronger."

"That's up to you and JC." We stop at a red light and I look over to see her head bob in agreement.

We gte to Demitryus' room and she pulls JC aside, telling him her kakameme idea. "Baby, I love you and I know you want him to be there when we exchange our vows, but we should see if he pulls through this enough to make it to just after Aaliyah's birthday and then we'll decide, okay?"

He's trying to put it off for at least 3 weeks, wanting to keep his attention on their son. "If he starts getting really bad, can we do it before then?"

"If he doesn't get better in a week, we will revisit this idea. Deal?" he barters, kissing her forehead and pulls her into one of his reassuring hugs. She nods with her head pressed to his pecs, arms around each other and his hands rub her back. "Let's spend what time we have with him."

Aaron's sitting on the edge of the window sill, leaning on it more than anything and angrily darts out of the room. I follow him, finding him down the hall with his head on his arm that's propped on the wall and banging the side of his free balled up fist on the wall pretty hard. I stride over and grab his hand. "It's not going to make anything better doing that," I remind him.

He turns to me, arms limply stay at his sides as I pull him into a hug and he cries. "It's not fair," he growls through the emotional display. "He's a kid, not even getting the chance to see his tenth birthday!" he yells, pushing me away as Angel, BJ, Kaden, Taelyn and Ginger show up.

"I'm so sorry, but we had to finish school first," Taelyn informs me, explaining why Kaden and she hadn't come yet.

"BJ and I had modeling gigs in Indonesia," Ange tells me.

"Ginger?"

"Dad turned my phone off and I found out when I saw the press conference on the news."

Ange takes one look at Aaron and pulls him in for a hug, the rest of us joining in to comfort him. "Nick! Aaron!" I hear Dawn yell for us. I look at her over my brothers' and sisters' heads, her hands motioning us to come to her. "Come here!"

We look at each other with hope in our eyes, wishing only for the best and run down to his room. We all skid around the corner into his room. "Justin?" his small voice requests, Justin stepping up to the bed and taking hold of his tiny hand.

"Yeah, Baby D?" he asks, tears in his eyes.

"Sing Take A Ride?"

Justin does as is requested, launching into Like I Love You after and he continues to sing for one of his favorite kids, bouncing from one of the small boy's favorite songs to the next. He knows all of his favorite songs and that's one thing that caused them to bond. He stops after singing Lenny's I Belong To You and Thinking Of You. Sam curls up to her son's other side, cradling him to her body and silently sobs. JC is torn up from the inside out, trying his hardest to be the strongest. Sam's mom has called everyday since she found out, the calls being for updates and to talk to her grandchild for a few minutes. I'm glad all our fans have posted nothing but get well wishes and positivity and send love and prayers for this small child, wanting him to get better. I'm beginning to believe it's working, he just smiled although he's still exhausted. I silently pray for his health to make a turn for the better and thank the Heavens for his smile, something we haven't seen since the night he was dropped off at Joey's. I think of one song and begin to sing it. Toni's Unbreak My Heart is what came to mind as I sit on the side of the bed Justin had just stepped away from enough for me to sit. These kids have brought nothing but joy and laughter into our lives, some of it being nonsensical. I'd really be torn up if we lost any of them, I think we all would be.

It's been two months and we agreed to see if he'll make it to our original date, 6 1/2 months from now. His birthday is tomorrow and the doctors say if he can somehow breathe with just a tube forcing air into his nose, he can go home for the day at the very least. He's going to go home with a monitor he has to be hooked up to when he's resting and a few oxygen tanks, not something she and I want to see him depend on. The meds he had been given intravenously had helped reduce the fluid in his lungs and manage his lukemia, but we have faith in his ability to get better. We release a statement about his health to the fans via FB, Twitter and all media except television stations over the phone or online as often as we can.

She's asleep with his small frame curled against hers, her arm around him and it looks like she's protecting him. We've all been taking photos of him at random intervals throughout the day, counting each day as a blessing.

Home, somewhere and something I had forgotten existed until the hospital staff had said he'd been cleared to leave. We still have to keep the monitor and oxygen on him, but that was agreed on so we wouldn't have to worry about him slipping away silently. Sam had insisted on it, the only way I knew she'd be able to even rest a little better than she has in the past few months. He didn't get to spend his birthday at home, but he gets to spend Kevin, Chris and Dawn's birthdays at home and they've all planned on just being with him during the day and the nights out with the rest of their friends and their families. Lance is there when we pull up, waiting on the front steps with a worried aura around him. I climb out and smile at him, nodding toward the back of the SUV. He jogs over, greets Demitryus and helps me bring in the tanks and monitoring equipment. Nick carries the frail child to his temporary (we hope) bedroom off the living room, Sam grabbing his clothes bag and following Nick inside. She's talking with Aaron, keeping her from the back patio for some reason and it's all in whispers.

"You're not doing that, promise me," he demands from her.

"If he doesn't talk shit, I promise."

"I already briefed him about not bringing Vikki up."

"He better not. Unlike him, she stuck around and raised me as best as she could on her own."

"I know and I told him that, he's here to give you the information you need. He would also like to start building a father/daughter relationship with you."

"Depending on what he says and how he acts, it may be a possibility."

I touch her hip with one hand, her eyes meeting mine over her shoulder and I step closer because I know this is one of the numerous times she needs me most. "What's up, mami?"

"Darryl is on the bvack patio and I don't know how to react to the situation."

"Follow your own advice-go into it with a calm demeanor and a clear mind."

She takes a deep breath and calms herself, her body relaxing one set of muscles at a time. "You good?" Aaron questions her.

"I'm good."

"See you in a bit, yell if you need me," I softly tell her, kissing her cheek and hugging her for a short moment.

She nods her head. "Yeah."

I reluctantly let her go and she sits across from where I suspect he is, slouching comfortably in the wooden chair. "Papa," our older daughter's voice greets my homesick ears and I turn to hug the 4 of them.

"Sorry I haven't been home much in the past few months."

"Papa, Chubba has been sick and I know you'd do the same for all of us."

I smile at her gently. "Thank you for understanding, guys."

"Is 'Mitry 'kay?" Zandry asks.

"The doctors say he's well enough to be home, but he's still too sick to play. He can read, draw and watch TV. He has to go back to the doctor in 2 weeks."

"But what about da weddin'?" Nickoly inquires.

"Still going on like planned as far we know, depends on his appointment in a couple weeks."

"It's just before Uncle Chris' birthday, right?" Mikal asks.

"It's the day after."

"I guess we can handle that," Aaliyah sadly admits, leaving the room to see her little brother for the first time in months and the other 3 follow suit.

I enter into a semi-peaceful conversation between Sam and her real father, a woman they both strongly resemble beside him and a man they faintly look like. "You must be Josh, Sam's fiancee," the man she's shown me pictures of before comments once I sit beside her.

"You must be Darryl."

"Yes, and these are my real parents, Thelma and Bernard," he informs me, holding his arms to his sides to indicate the salt and black pepper haired couple and I notice that the woman looks entirely Blackfoot and the man looking French-Canadian with a touch of Parisian French in him.

I reach across the table to shake their hands, nodding politely at her father. "When was the last time you spoke to her?"

"Christmas 2003."

"Did you know about Aaliyah or Demitryus?"

"I knew about her daughter, but not the younger one."

"We have 5 children, two being mine biologically and three by adoption," I inform him.

"Aaron was telling me she had twins with you three years ago and I would like to bond with them as well."

"You also have to realize that if you lay one finger on her or make her feel threatened in any way, your head will be on a platter for me."

"I understand that and I wouldn't want to do that."

I hear familiar footfalls behind me approach and stop at the glass door connecting to the kitchen abruptly. "Thought I'd never see you again."

It's Beth. "Elizabeth, long time since I've seen you. How have you been?"

"Better. I can't believe you had the audacity to be in the same city as her and never say a word, especially when you had been in the same room as her before. How did it feel to know that you've seen your daughter with her oldest son and pregnant with your first granddaughter?" she retorts, pulling a chair to sit beside Sam and Aaron.

"It hurt like hell because I didn't know if her mom had poisoned her against me."

"You didn't seem too afftected by it then."

"I was blowing snow and you expected me to show some sort of emotion?" he genuinely remarks, Nick standing next to me with his arms crossed.

"I know how that works, but I also know you can fake it while on it," Nick snaps at Darryl.

He shakes his head. "I've been clean for 5 years and have been helping other recovering addicts since I had been certified to be a drug counselor."

"You fucking bastard!" Dawn shouts, glaring at Sam's father. "How dare you use that as an excuse? You knew it was her and you didn't even say hi to her? There I was thinking she was crazy all these years about you being her dad and she was right about you! You're such a dick!"

"Baby, come here," Aaron calmly says to her, reaching his hand for her to take hold of and leads her away from us.

Nick takes his spot and leans back against the chair, a stern look encompassing his features. "What's your damn excuse now?"

"I hate that I've been hiding from her in plain sight for most of the time that's gone by and I didn't have any right to do that to her, but I know if she had told her mom I had been anywhere near her-"

"Mom would've convinced me to have his warrant justified," Sam finishes for him. "We all know how vindictive she is about that, unrelenting when it comes down to it. I love Ma, but it's the truth."

"I don't think she should be making the choices for her anymore, she is an adult," Thelma finally comments.

Sam hangs her head, staring at her fingers as she plucks her nail on her thumb like a guitar string. "I think this is enough, she's shutting down," Nick enforces as I focus on her.

"Baby, you okay?" I ask, squeezing her thigh above her knee.

"I'm fine," she numbly replies, almost on autopilot.

She hasn't moved in over an hour, sitting in exactly the same spot and where she had been when Nick had ended the meeting.

"Will she be okay?" Aaron asks, obviously worried. He sits across from us as Dawn gets the kids to bed and showered, having helped Nick make dinner for everyone here and Chris called a few minutes ago to say he and Lace would be here in few.

"I don't know. She hasn't formally sat down and spoken to him in person before, so I'm not sure how she's going to react to this."

"She went into a panic attack when I told her about him visiting Fitchburg a couple years ago, even more so when I said from 1998 until she left," Beth confides, plopping down in the chair Darryl had occupied nearly 3 hours ago.

She feels like shit, but she's taking it harder than Aaron and Nick are. Beth has been just as good to Sam as Dawn has been since Demityus had been born. They've been through hell and back, fighting tooth and nail the entire way. They've all been fighters and lovers, but haven't ever been quitters. Beth and Sam didn't always get along, but now they're just as close as Sam is with Dawn and they've become like the 3 amigos or the 3 Musketeers-inseperable.

"Yo! Scrawny!" Chris yells through the house.

I wave my hand in a way that Chris would spot it, but I hear Lance scold him as he makes my hand obvious to our inattentive friend and brother. They quickly stride out to the patio, Chris getting an evil glare from Nick and silence from the rest of us. Lance cops a squat beside Sam and begins asking her something, a minute movement from her giving him the answers he's requesting. "Next time you yell in the house like that, I promise to kick your ass and it's in effect until Demitryus is running around like he used to," Nick tells him, Aaron nodding his agreement.

I hear Porn Star Dancing playing softly from Mikal's room and I catch him being silly for Bri, who he's been dating for the last month. I pull my cell phone out and tape the funny footage, Bri laughing harder when she sees me recording it. I know that Sam said I can post this if I want to, but I want this to be a family and friends sort of memory and one for us to keep between us all. I know Joey's fine with it being posted for us and the fans, but I think it'd be funnier to embarass him with later when he's in his senoir year of high school or in college.

Mikal turns around and smiles at me, continuing his goofy dance for show without caring that this might become blackmail at some point in his life. He may be Autistic, but he doesn't let it hinder him and he's learned to use it to his advantage to improve his intelligence about the mechanics and technological properties of everything around him. He's young enough to be a child, but he's smart enough to fix almost anything that we have in our daily lives and things we use on a daily basis. I know that if someone pisses me off and I can get my hands on anything electronic of theirs, Mikal would gladly destroy it with a virus of some sort without a second thought to it in less than 5 minutes. He did it to my ex-fiancee for cheating on me and not even caring to tell me, I had to find out via his e-mail. I had to find out that he had gotten her pregnant 7 months earlier and that she was due in just under a month from when I found out and I gave him 4 years of my life, Mikal heard about it which resulted in a BSoD (Blue Screen of Death) virus on his computer.

"You're such a ham," I tell him and he just smirks, pulling Bri to her feet as a slower song comes on.

Those opening lyrics bring a pang of heartache, memories attached. I know they don't mean to hurt me, but it doesn't help me heal and Mikal comes over to hug me. I end the recording and hug him back, knowing he's more than aware of the pain I feel at this moment. "You're prettier when you smile, Titi."

"Thanks, Mikal." His compliments always bring a smile to the receipiant's face and that's his only purpose for giving one, he wants to make that person's bad day better. I have to remember that I'm in a better place than I've been in a long time, Sam and JC have taken me in and the only thing they ask is to help them with the kids and house. They give me free meals and board, total freedom and I have all the numbers to their friends and close family just in case I need a break and they plan on being gone for more than a couple days. Aaron has been nothing short of sweet and patient, a shoulder for me to lean on and a friend to depend on when I need one. Aaron hasn't even asked for his chance and it's been more than a year since I left Massachusetts, his heart in the right place while his desires are on the back burner to focus on my meotional and mental well-being. I cried for more than 3 months and hardly left my room right after it happened, Aaron right beside me. He held me while I cried, encouraged me to venture out and to just live how I saw fit. Sure, we've gone out to the movies and dinner together, gone to carnivals and he's done it just to see me smile and hear me laugh. He helped me get back to who I really am. He's what every girl could want and I have him beside me, not even seeing what I had until I just watched Mikal and Bri.

Mikal walks back over to her and they settle in to watch a movie together, cuddled up against the wall as her head rests on his thigh. He's 14 with a girlfriend, Aaliyah has no interest in boys and Demitryus is all about the normal 9 year old boy things. I lean on the door frame with a smirk on my face as I think about accepting Aaron's dinner date for tonight at Koi, a nice Japanese restaurant in the local area. "What's on your mind, D?" he asks me, causing me to jump.

"We should go to Koi. I need to talk to you alone."

He looks scared as I turn to come face to face with him. "Is something wrong, D?"

I lightly giggle. "No, A. I just wanna talk to you."

"Good kinda talk?"

"Guess you could call it that," I hint walking away to begin getting ready. "Could you get in touch with Justin and Chris to keep an eye on the kids so we can go out while I get ready to go?"

"That was hysterical!" I muse, giggling at the memory of the video of Nick getting silly stringed.

"I know," he admits, smirking. He's quiet for a moment, pushing his sugar snap peas across his plate. "What was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Aaron, I was thinking today and I know you've been by my side since my heartbreak and I can't thank you enough for doing that. I also came to realize that you've never once taken advantage of me during the healing process and I know that we like each other, your focus having been for my well-being. I guess I'm wondering if you still want anything from me?"

He looks up from his plate and shock is written all over his face, even in his eyes. "In the back of my mind there's a voice screaming at me to grow some balls and ask you out already, but my heart was calmly telling me to patiently wait for you to tell or show me that you're ready to move on and say that you'd be willing to give me some of your time." I flash an encouraging grin with soft undertones to it. He takes a small breath and smiles back at me. "You wouldn't happen to be willing to be mine, would you?" he asks, sliding his hand across the table to put it over mine with an expectant look to him as he anxiously shifts in his seat.

"Of course not," I reply, nodding my head and his laughter rings softly in my ears.

"I think is when I should kiss you, if you're okay with that, Dawn."

"I guess I could live with that."

We walk back in the house barely before JC and Sam return from their own date night. They started having date nights to rekindle their passionate fire that had dwindled while they had been concerned with Demitryus' condition. He's been home for about 4 months and their nuptuals are in two weeks, something that Demitryus has been ranting on and on about for the past 2 months and he's gotten better since Christmas. He's well enough to not need the breathing monitor, but still not enough to go back to school yet. He has been sleeping less and walking around the first floor of the house for the past few weeks with minimal assistance, almost back to his norm. Aaron and I snuggled up to watch an LA Lakers game, cheering on our own teams when they enter the house. They think nothing of this scene until they hear us kis, dismissing it with a quick 'nah'. I laugh when I hear No Sex In The Champagne Room, Aaron's ringtone for his brother and he answers when I try to stifle my laughter. "What's up?" He talks for a few minutes, hanging up and tossing the device to the other end of the couch. Before I can even figure out what the noise coming from Sam and JC's room is, Aaron nudges me. "Maybe we should finish watching this in your room?" he suggests.

"Sure," I agree, pulling my shoulders up and letting them drop.

I wake up next to him and realize that I still managed to slip on a semi sexy nightgown. I text Dawn and ask if I had actually heard her and Aaron kissing on the couch last night. She confirms that I'm very much sane before shooting down the thought I was having, not even giving me a chance to type it out and send it to her. "Josh," I whisper, pushing him and he snorts as he startles awake. 

"Uhn?"

"Look at this," I tell my half asleep fiancé, shoving my cell phone into his hands. He fumbles a couple times, dropping it on his face once and I smirk. "Damn phone ninja bullshit," he grumbles to himself. He reads it, eyes wide as he bolts upright in bed beside me, wide awake now. "They are together? Really?" he excitedly asks, pointing to the screen with his eyes locked on mine. I giggle at his joy for them.

"Yeah, they started dating yesterday," I confirm. He jumps out of bed in his blue fuzzy pj pants, darting toward the door and doubles back to give me my cell with a kiss. I hear his feet rapidly pound down the stairs, Demitryus laughing at his dad's excitement. 

~*~2 weeks later, March 23~*~
"Where's Beth? Any word on my mom? Aaron and Dawn? Bernie and his family? Scottie? Ty? Shaun, Colleen and their kids? My aunt Grace? Kari?" I ramble to Kitshanya, Kailey and Kiasha nervously. 

"Stop doing that to your dress!" Kailey scolds me, batting my hands away from one of the embroidered on butterflies on my wedding dress. "Sit down and I'll check," she barters, pushing me into an oversized chair. My skirt piece settles at chest height and I try to shove it down lower so I can breathe, listening to her talk to everyone on the phone. This is the first time I meet his grandparents and I'm more nervous about that than my memorized vows, praying they like me. I hope they don't hate me with just one glance, Josh's reassurance did little to calm my nerves and it just how I've always been, but the wedding isn't helping matters, either. 

"What about his family?" I ask, glancing around the room. Dawn quickly enters the room, hugging me.

"It's nerves, it's all going to be fine and his whole family is going to love you."

"And mine him?" I question, knowing she'll understand me. 

"If they don't, fuck 'em!" she exclaims, applying eyeliner to my eyes. "Ma, though?" I demand, Beth rapidly closing the door behind her. 

"Ma will love him more than she could imagine, which she already does, girl," Beth informs me, applying lip liner as Dawn paints my nails with a scarlet red to match my lip gloss. 

"Ya sure?" I ask, not moving my lips. 

"Yes!" Dawn laughs.

"He's more nervous than you are-pacing, freaking out and muttering to himself. You were meant for each other, Owl," she reminds me. If you know the Winnie the Pooh characters, you should be able to understand the reasons for the nicknames for each other. Dawn is Tigger, Aaron has become Pooh, I'm Owl and Beth has always been Eeyore. 

"Totally destined," Beth agrees. 

"Yeah?" I question. 

"No doubt," they concur, all 5 of the other women in the room. 
I'm standing just inside the room with the door shut, shaking nervously and look at my five best friends for the reassurance I receive from them.

I hear Nick trying to coax Josh to the alter. "Come on, you have 5 minutes before it starts.""I can't."

"Here, talk to your almost wife," Nick teases him, knocking on the door I'm right behind. 

"Yeah?" I reply through the door. 

"Baby, I don't think I can stand up there in front of our families and do this," he admits, his voice cracking. 

"I have butterflies myself, but I KNOW we can do this, Josh."

"How?"

"After everything we've been through, it's the one thing left to do," I rationalize for him. I hear him take a deep breath.

"You're right, meet you at the alter, mami."

"I love you," I remind him. "I love you, too."

Just over a year to plan and the only thing I haven't seen is her gown, everything has been-WOW! She walks into the chapel, turning heads in her off white dress with light colored butterflies embroidered onto it and a very light mint green veil to match it and her shoes. Her hair is curled, cascading down and Nick walks her down the aisle with her mom. Her dress is based off the movies she loves, 'Madea's Family Reunion The Movie', 'Casper' and 'Corpse Bride' with the piece to slip over her finger to hold the sleeves in place. "Who gives away this woman?" the pastor asks. 

"We do," Nick replies, "her cousin and her mom."

She walks onto the step to stand in front of JC, allowing him to lift her veil and smiles. They hold hands and say their personal vows, their eyes locked the entire time. "-pronounce you man and wife," the pastor permits. 

JC steps closer, stroking her cheek a moment before kissing her passionately. I'm in love with her dress, the fit and design. She looks at him, love in her eyes and has a lovesick look on her face. "Anyone hungry?" he asks, sweeping her off her feet and into his arms while she laughs. The kids cheer, her mom wipes away a tear and his parents are crying joyously. 

The reception had been beautiful as well and I'm just getting their two older boys into my house, exhausted myself. Demitryus is almost 10 1/2 and Mikal just turned 15 barely a month ago, Aaliyah will be 13 soon whole the twins are nearly 4 now. I've seen the kids grow over the past few years, six or seven years now. They had pushed their wedding back a year to make sure Demitryus was well enough to attend, wanting all family and close friends in attendance and it included CJ. "Lil man, go shower and head to bed. Mik, once he's in bed, please do the same," I request. 

"Sure," they sleepily reply. 

JC and Sam are honeymooning in Japan for a week, then the Bahamas for 2 weeks, the last week being spent in Portugal before a weekend in his Winter Park home. A month long honeymoon is just what they need, having no time to themselves in the past few years or if they did, only a couple hours at most. The phone rings and I answer it, the kids in school and I'm done cleaning. "Hello?"

"Hey, man!" JC yells, laughing. 

"James! Joshua, give me the phone!" Sam shouts.  I can't help but laugh, imagining what he's doing to her.

"What's so funny, C?"

"You know how she looks at other chicks like I do?"

"Yeah? I thought you like it?"

"I love it, but she uses it to get me going!"

"You're taunting her."

"Mmm, yeah."

"She's winning, isn't she?" I smirk, grabbing a soda. 

"You both cheat," he groans, making it known that she's teasing him back and I have to admit that it's funny to watch it. It looks like she's just squirming around under him, but she manages to turn him on and she's done it fully clothed in a room full of people. 

"How am I cheating when I'm under you, babe?" she innocently reminds him, most likely batting her lashes at him. 

"I've seen her tease you to the point where it looked like it hurt and stopped, making you suffer."

"I'll deal with you when we get back, Lance," he quips. 

"If you don't forget."

He groans, making her giggle. "Fuck, babe."

"Get off the phone and I'll consider your request," she teases him.  "Thanks for watching the kids!"

He hung up after that, forcing me to laugh at their antics. "Yo, Lance!" Justin yells into my house. 

"Ki-kitchen," I reply, my guffaws dying down. 

He looks at me strangely, an eyebrow raised and I know the curiosity will get the best of him. "What's so funny?" he asks, my hand reaching up to wipe away the tears from laughing so hard. 

"JC called, she teased him and he hung up." 

"She did the same thing to me last night when he called me. How was she doing the teasing?"

"He pinned her."

"Crazy," he comments, shaking his head. "She was giving him a lap dance last night."

She's crying out in pleasure beneath me and I lower myself to my forearms, flicking my tongue over her nipple. I slide my hands to grab handfuls of her ass and slam into her, eliciting a loud moan from her lungs. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," she mutters, her walls clamping down on me for the fifth time today. 

"Heh heh heh," I evilly chuckle at her over sensitivity after her release, feeling her squirm under me and her legs lock around mine. 

"-burn it up, set it on fire!" my phone screams and I ignore it, my lips locked with hers. It's My Darkest Days' 'Set It On Fire', it's set for one person and right now they don't matter. She got her tubes untied a few weeks ago, both of us wanting to get pregnant during the honeymoon. I know we have 5 already, but I want my personal football team and she agreed to it as long as nothing bad happens. 

"Fuck, yes!" she exclaims, her hips thrusting up to meet mine. I feel my release coming and I push into her depths as hard and fast as I can. I let out a low guttural moan as I coat her pink insides white, dropping my body down to put my head on her chest. "I'm shaking," she giggles, kissing my sweat covered forehead. 

"You're welcome," I tell her, softly laughing. I know she loves it when her body quivers after. I smile when our eyes lock, always reminded that she loves me more than words could express and she's stuck by me through everything.

"I love you, Josh."

"I love you, Sam."

"I heard your cell go off."

"It was only Johnny."

"What part of 'don't call during our honeymoon' didn't he understand?"

"I made an exception-when it has to do with unauthorized stories about the kids in the press." 

She sighs. "Call him back."

I return his call, his voice greeting me after a few rings. "What's up?" I ask. 

"There's a story about the twins having social delays according to US Weekly."

"We know they're not, fuck them. We can release a statement on our sites in response, telling the fans the truth."

"Alright, I'll have the teams get right on it, JC."

"Thanks. Bye." I hang up and put it on the night stand again, turning to face her once more. I wrap my beautiful new wife in my arms, pulling her close to me and hold her under me. "I love you."

"I love you more."

"What do you want to do?"

"Take in some local flavors," she barters. 

"We have been locked away in here for the past couple days, so I suppose," I agree, kind of teasing her. 

"I want to see what there is to see in Tokyo, babe."

"Maybe."

"Please?" she requests, almost whining. 

"Fine. Go get something sexy on, mami." She kisses me and I reach over the bed to slap her ass, only getting a flirtatious giggle from her as she moves away. I watch her gather a clean set of clothes, heading for the shower and I follow suit once I hear the shower start so I can join her. 

"What do you want to see?" I inquire. 

"Well, there's Higashi-Gyōen, Chinzan-Sō, Veno-Kōen, Sengaku-Ji, Kabukichō and take in a Kabuki play and try some traditional foods!"

"So you researched Tokyo," I laugh as we finish getting dressed. 

"Yes I did!" she chirps excitedly, applying eyeliner and mascara. "Can we go to a real geisha house and I get made over like one tomorrow?" she requests. 

I smile. "Sure. We can get a few kimonos today while we're out," I agree. 

"Really?" she asks, getting to her feet and facing me. I nod, grinning like a goon. She plants an excited kiss on my lips. She caught me entirely off guard and I wrap my arms around her small muscular body, holding her close. 

We stop making out so we can breathe and before we end up in the bed again, looking into each other's smiling faces. "The answer is yes, we can."

Her grin grows and her eyes shine, excitement being the most evident.

We've already spent most of the day out and about, a few fans asking for our autographs and photos and she made time to engage in conversation with each one. She shows respect to our fans by doing this and meanwhile giving her a positive reputation, she does give them time with a smile. It's beginning to annoy me, the constant interruptions and I've had it. "Babe, let's go," I insist, tickling her side and she squirms. 

She apologizes in Japanese and accepts a hug from the fan, politely dismissing them. "What's wrong, Josh?" she softly asks me. 

"I'm getting irritated by them always bothering us."

"You told me to respect our fans and make time for them, though," she echoes back what I'd told her years ago, confused. 

I sigh defeatedly. "Babe," I reply, pulling her close to me in a tight hug, "I know I did, but we should dress like them and blend in. They might stop bugging us."

She looks around at the local women in the shop, watching some come and go. She grabs a few outfits for herself, watches the men and does the same for me. She approaches the manager, able to read the Japanese symbols and I send Nick a text thanking for teaching her to read it fluently before we left the States. The manager guides us to a back storage room and we quickly change, paying for it at the front counter. Sam slipped her an origami letter in Japanese thanking her for her understanding and the hospitality, emphasizing the fact that we'd appreciate her to remain quiet until we leave the country in four days. "Read it when you're alone," she requests in the local dialect, smiling gently. We dip out, slipping on sunglasses and I kiss her.

"You amaze me."

"I try, baby," she retorts, smiling. Our fingers interlock and we walk away from the shop, her free hand happily swinging the bags of clothes. We rent a small car and go to the places she wanted to see. We get to Tokyo's equivalent of New York City's Central Park and she starts acting sketchy after an hour.

"What's wrong?"

"Paps, US, 3 o'clock," she whispers.  I glance to our right, spotting the TMZ reporter and slowly begin to pack up.

"Let's go," I tell her once it's all put away. We casually walk to the car, the reporter following us.

"JC Chasez? Lil Breanna?" he yells out, a camera man in our way.  Sam hasn't experienced this side of paps, so she's trying to seem calm and I damn well know she's scared. She's got a tight grip on my hand with both of hers and I step in front of her, blocking her.

"Leave us alone," I demand, anger coming to the surface. 

"Josh, please," she quietly pleads, fearful. I squeeze her hand and glare at the camera, staring at the reporter as I consider our escape routes. I crouch down and she climbs on my back, holding on tightly. I race around them and press the unlock button on the keychain before we get to it, she jumps down. We get inside the car, thankful for the fact that she picked a car with an ignition button and she skillfully burns rubber as we speed off.

"Are you okay?" I ask as she sits back, running her hand through her hair and slowing down to the speed limit nearly 45 minutes later. 

"For just being forcefully taped by TMZ for the first time? I'm just fucking peachy," she nervously retorts, her nerves on end. I know she doesn't mean to bite my head off, but I have to admit I was a little scared and a hell of a lot pissed off. I let my anger show while I stayed composed enough to get us out of the unfortunate situation safely and quickly, fear having claimed my beautiful new bride.

"Baby, pull over. You need to calm your nerves and I want to hold you," I softly tell her. 

She glances at me, silently asking if I'm crazy. "So they can catch up, Josh?" she snaps, gripping the wheel tightly. 

"Baby, we're in the country and we left them so far behind that I wouldn't doubt they're lost. Please, pull over. I promise we can keep the engine running just in case they catch up and we need to make a quick get away, Letty."

She laughs at my reference, knowing that's her favorite character from the 'Fast and Furious' movies. She obliges, shaking her head once we've come to a stop. "No, I'm more like Mia and you're more like Brian," she corrects me. 

"Why? Is it because of the whole muscle thing?" I ask, feigning shock. 

She laughs again as we get out if the car. "No, you have no record and we have kids, got married. We're also running from people in a foreign country," she rationalizes.

"I guess it makes sense."

I pull her to me as I sit on the hood of the car, sitting far enough back for her to join me and she leans back against me. "Nick's more like Dom and Cass is more Letty than I could EVER be. 

"How do you figure, mami?" The sun begins to set and we're watching it together.

"Cuz of how they are. Need I educate you on the Letty/Dom dynamics, Joshua?"

"Not a 10 hour movie marathon," I groan playfully. 

"No, just a quick point. Dom and Letty break up and get back together, their love is too strong to be without each other for too long, but they have short and violent temperments that ensures difficulty in staying together. They both keep too many secrets from each other."

Now that I think about it, she has a valid point and it does make sense. "Who's your favorite guy in those movies?"

"It varies on my mood."

"Right now."

"Roman," she simply states, no thought required. 

"Why?"

"He lives for the thrill."

I smirk, thinking of a scene from the first movie. "Monicaaaaa!" I yell and she cracks up. 

"I said you owe me a ten second car, not a ten minute car."

We laugh for a minute, her phone ringing interrupts us and she ignores it. "The sunset is beautiful."

"We should make more time for this when we get home, Josh," she happily sighs, snapping a photo of it without moving from her place. 

"We should take the time to see the beauty around us every day, mami," I agree. She looks at me with a grin, knowing what I mean.

"We do as we peek into the kids' rooms every night," she reminds me.

I shiver as his hair tickles my cheek, recalling the crazy day we had and the beautiful night that concluded it. We made love and we BOTH fell asleep before we could move, explaining why he's sleeping with his naked body on top of my own bare flesh. All he needs is a boner and we could just barely move, another session easily started again. That TMZ bastard can suck a donkey dick for all I care now. The shopping trip, sight seeing and sunset made up for what that douche bag did, the sex was just mind blowing gravy to me like it always has been. 
My phone screams out, a ringtone uniquely indicating one of my closest cousins and I pick it up with a laugh. "Hello?"

"Still get a chuckle from that ringtone for me?" he asks. 

"Yuppaz."

"I seen that TMZ stalked you guys most of yesterday until you booked it out of that park, burning rubber and fish-tailing the whole way," he comments. 

"That fucker can suck a donkey dick."

"You kiss your mom with that mouth?" he jokes. 

"I always brush my teeth and disinfect my mouth first," I retort playfully. 

He chuckles. "Definitely family. How's the honeymoon so far?"

"Good. More freakiness than at home. Yesterday was our first day out and about. How're things back in LA?"

"Ehhh, nothing too-ow, Cass-hold on, Cassie wants to talk to you."

"Uhhh, ok." Nope, there's NO way we're related at all. I roll my eyes to match my sarcasm. 

"Sam?"

"Uh, Cassie?"

I have absolutely no clue what she could have to say. "Nick and I have some major news," she anxiously begins. 

"I'm listening."

"We're going to have a baby."

"Or 30," I retort, laughing. 

"Maybe. Nick is glaring at the phone like he wants to kill you or something."

"He's just mad that I said 30 kids and I'm not flipping out," I confirm, rolling my eyes. "Congratulations, guys."

"Thanks! Nick was worried over you getting mad for nothing just like I told him. Enjoy the rest of your traveling honeymoon!"

"Oh, we will. Eat right, knock back tons of fluids and relax. See you when we're home again."

"Thanks, girl. Don't hurry home."

"We won't! Later."

"Bye, hon."

Nick broke Kitshanya's heart and she ended it, the whole reason being Chris' baby cousin, who I met during an awards show James had been at back when I started out. Nick couldn't lie to her about still being madly in love with Cassie, even after the hell they'd put each other through. I've met all of her friends and joined them for nights out, Josh being fine with all of it because he's known them all for so long. I'm well aware of of his history with her, but they've both admitted they can't be together again-it'd be too weird and I know it's the truth by the way they act ALL the time around each other. "Baby?" his groggy voice greets me, his face above mine. 

"Yeah?"

"Something wrong?"

"Nick and Cassie are expecting."

"I'm happy for them. I can't wait to hear that for us again."

I smile. "Me either."

"For all we know, we've already succeeded."

I giggle. "Maybe."

"Do you think we are?"

"I feel like something's off inside me and if I don't get my period by the time we leave the Bahamas, then most likely."

"Yeah, that'd be awesome," he agrees with a smile, laying his head back down on my chest. I feel his brow furrow in thought. "Have you ever been regular?"

"About what?"

"Your rag."

"No, not at all."

"Why?"

"I dunno. Endo runs in my family and all reproductive cancers as well," I reiterate. 

"Maybe it's from your dad's side?"

"Who knows?"

"Do you want to know?"

"Right now I want to focus on what we do have, not could be or go wrong."

"Alright."

What's endo? It's endometriosis-it's when blood goes outside your uterus and attaches to your organs. It's not something ANY woman wants, but lucky me cuz it runs in my family. For at least the past handful of generations, EVERY woman on my mom's side has had it and if I'm lucky, I'll be the first to contradict it. Plus, every woman except maybe 3 have died at or before 63. So you see why I live day to day more often than not.

"What time is it?"

I weave my fingers into his hair and he looks at the clock on the wall. "10:39," he tells me, looking at the windows, "in the morning."

"Mmm," I hum. 

"Do you still want to go to the geisha place?"

"Later. Can we just go out for breakfast, please?"

"Sure."

I nod and he holds me for a little while, both of us guilty of enjoying the peace and quiet. "I'm starting to miss the chaos."

"It's just so strange, but it's our honeymoon," Josh reasons with me. 

"I know," I sigh. 

"Just think, this is what it's going to be like in 14 years or when all of our children are grown and gone."

"Josh, don't make me think of that right now," I groan. 

"Why?"

"Mikal's 15, remember?"

He thinks for a minute. "Sorry, I forgot he's almost old enough to be on his own."

We get to the geisha house and they warmly greet us, both of us doing the same properly. They confirm we called a little while ago, smiling when we affirm it. They whisk me away, quickly teaching me about the process and I know it's only the basics right now. I show them my kimono and they compliment it, seeing that it's a traditional one. They apply the make up, have me practice walking in the shoes they've become accustomed to and they ask if I'm willing to come back around 7am the next day. I text Josh instantly and he agrees. They tug at my hair, simulating how tight it could be and it feels fine to me. "Most American women complain that it hurts," the youngest woman comments. 

"I've always put my hair up that tight."

"How long have you been interested in geisha? Japanese customs?" she questions me. 

"Since 'Memoirs of a Geisha' had been released in the US. Once I saw the movie, I've wanted to see what it's like to be one from before World War II."

"A proper one or Red Light District?""A proper geisha, she had more self respect than a Red Light District one," I explain.

Now I'm on tour with Justin and Chris, the latter with Nigels11. I'm backstage goofing off with Justin and Chris' band, laughing at Chris' antics with Josh's facial expressions by voicing them all. Josh is burying his face in my shoulder and chuckling, the rest of us being in hysterics when Cassie curses out Chris for making it look and sound insane back here. We're on the second US leg of my tour, the Collaborations portion and it's all about the music we've done together in the past few years. A majority of it had been unreleased until a couple weeks before our Collaborations gigs, the next 15 months we're going to sing, dance and annoy the fuck out of each other. Nick and Aaron are surprise guests throughout the tour, but they show up after the interviews we have to survive for promo. It's to keep it a shocker, even all the dress rehearsals are closed to the public. "B, you and JC need to come here por un momento, por favor," Cassie tells me, eyes wide. 

"Maybe is about THAT," I say quietly to Josh and he shrugs. 

"Chris, Justin, not a damn word," she enforces, pointing at them authoratively and they nod. Chris huddles his band, informing them of what she means. 

"Que?" I question, having learned minimal Spanish in the time I've known her. Her hand rapidly brushes her stomach, 5 1/2 months before it would begin to deflate.

"Nada! Got me?" she softly warns us. 

"He said the same thing," my husband replies. It's been this long and I still can't get used to it. It's their second time around pregnancy wise; they have a 15 month old daughter, Kailee-Anna and she is downright ADORABLE. 

"Ok, group interviews today and solo tomorrow; all are MTV, VH1 and TV Guide for television while you have Rolling Stone, Music Today and 3 rag mags. So, that's why all of you are here at 10 in the morning today and tomorrow," she spouts off, informing us in less than a minute. 

~*~Rolling Stone interview~*~

"How are you all today?" Marcus asks us. He's of Asian descent, but looks American and has couple things inked on him. Black hair, hazel-brown eyes and semi muscular. We glance at each other, smirking.

"Good."

We laugh, Marcus joining us. "That's what we want to hear. Lil Breanna, this is your first tour with Justin, Nigels11 and JC while all being headliners. How does that work and what is this tour called?"

"It's called the Collaborations Tour because the songs that compose this tour's set list are only songs we've worked together on and there will only be us for most of it."

"Are you saying you have surprise guests joining you on the road?"

"Plead the fifth," Chris comments, raising a hand as if being sworn in for something. 

"I wanna live," Justin adds, the rest of Nigels11 agreeing. Marcus looks at Josh.

"I'm not being the human sacrifice," he laughs, putting his right ankle above his left knee and sitting back with his arm slipping behind me to rub my back. 

"Lil B?"

"I'd rather everyone's fans involved be surprised," I calmly admit, smiling. 

"So no hints?"

"They're all known worldwide for either being in a group, band or just becoming solo artists. If you have the Collaboration LP, you have a general idea."

"How many acts are involved in this tour, one way or another?"

I pretend to ponder the proper response and the guys in the room who are involved with this tour laugh. "Too many!" I giggle. 

"There are names that are involved that are known all over the globe, some on their own tours and some parts of this entire experience had to be taped in advance. Each concert is scheduled to last 3 1/2 hours and involves the audience from time to time," Justin divulges. 

"Chris, how confident is Nigels11 about your performances?"

"Confident enough to share a stage with JC's wife. Happy 27 months, B and JC," Mike comments, smirking at us. 

"Thanks, Mike," Josh replies, shaking his hand. 

"Like Mike said," Chris agrees,"just enough to be on the same stage as her and rock out. She and JC are really a joy to work with, so welcoming and it's enjoyable to everyone."

"Sweet words from a great friend," I comment with a gentle smile. 

"You're the better friend," Justin confesses, smiling at me. 

"Why do you say that, Justin?" Marcus questions. 

"She allowed Jessica and I to experience pregnancy, labor and child raising throughout her relationship with JC by seeing their five children grow over the years. They even helped with Cicilia, from the home pregnancy test and haven't stopped yet. Joey and Kelly have been great as well."

Marcus looks at Josh and I, a soft smile on his lips. "JC, Lil Breanna, what's it like to be parents to a set of six year old twins, a twelve year old son, a 15 year old daughter and a 17 year old son?"

I laugh for a moment. "On top of being internationally known musical performers? Insanity, but well worth every second," I explain. 

"It's great!" Josh happily chirps. 

"Any plans to add to your family anytime soon?"

"Maybe," I tease. 

Josh hugs me closer to his body, kissing my neck. "There's always a possibility," he hints. 

"How long is this tour?" Marcus asks. 

"A very long, patience-testing 15 months," Justin supplies, feigning a bad mood.

"Stop whining, child," I tease, everyone in the room laughing. 

I hear two sets of little feet rapidly pounding down the hall toward us. "Here comes our double trouble team," Josh whispers in my ear and I softly giggle. 

"Speaking of children, youngin'," Chris comments jokingly as Koly and Zandrya run over to us, jumping onto our laps for hugs and kisses. 

"Who might these two be?" Marcus softly and playfully demands, smiling at the twins. 

"The youngest ones of the Chasez clan," Justin explains, smirking. "Booga, Zeezay." They look over at him and Koly crawls across the love seat, Zandrya climbing over the back of the couch to sit on Chris' lap. She gives daps to the rest of Nigels11, Koly high-giving the whole group and she makes a funny face at Justin to get one in return. We all laugh at this scene, Marcus noting it and I hear 'Drya scolding Tiny for letting them by.

"So, you're the Chasez twins, huh?"

"Yes, sir," Koly replies, minding his manners and smiling. 

"Why aren't you in school?"

"Teachers something and it's closed acuz of it," Zandrya states matter of factly. 

"Makes sense," I mutter. "Shil mé Bug agus Splat a bhí at faire ort?" I ask the two small children. 

"They are, we came with Bug and Splat acuz Bug wanted to see CJ," Zandrya explains easily. 

"Bug missed his booooo," Koly teases. 

"Of course he did," Josh comments. 

"Shut up. I remember someone else being the same way for the same exact reason," I remind him, poking him on the tip of his nose as I lean my head back and smile at him. 

"I know, I know. It's just funny how he claimed he wouldn't be like this, but he is."

I haven't been on a stage in 11 years and you could say I'm extremely nervous, but she gave me the push to start this up again. It's only 15 months and this is my final hoorah! I can do this. "Calm down, Chris, you will do great," she assures me for the zillionth time in the past 2 1/2 years. 

"Thanks, Sam," I reply, hugging her appreciatively.

She has her hair down and pulls her oversized hood up to cover her face, dropping her head to entirely conceal her face. She has LEI flare jeans specially made for her performances, a couple shirts over a decorated women's A frame and DC sneakers.

Why she sticks with LEI jeans and DC shoes is because the DC shoe company and LEI jean company sponsor most of her performances and tours, two brand companies she's more than happy to deal with. She loves both companies due to them being comfortable and I have to agree, she got me a pair of shoes I've practically lived in for almost five months. The only downfall with LEI is that it's a woman's jean company, but she and Justin are working on a men's line that will be available only at Walmart stores worldwide by March 2021. 

She steps onto the trap door, kisses JC and crouches down. The tech crew check her mic and she adjusts it so it's comfortable, showing she's ready to go with a quick thumbs up to the road crew. 

JC, Justin, Nick, Aaron and my band jog to the edge of the stage, but remain backstage to watch her pop up with the pyros. Her dancers are going to come up from the floor, down from the rigging on harnesses and behind the curtain behind her all at the same time. Even the most inattentive viewer won't be able to look away, even if they have short attention spans. Just watching her rehearsals had ME captivated from start to finish during her parts, her whole focus is on the performance and is aimed at everyone witnessing the show.

The best part is that each one of the songs tells a story and easily flows into the next one. "Hello, Tampa!" she greets the audience, their reply of cheers bring a smile to her covered visage.

The trap door begins to rise and I turn in order to face the crowd, being thrown a couple feet in the air as it quickly pops up the last two feet from under the stage. I hold onto my hood with my fingers, the pyrotechnics firing from the stage around me as I appear and I keep my head down when I land in a crouched position. I touch my fingertips to the stage, the fans screaming out our names and I slowly stand up. The pre recorded video of me greeting my fans begins "skipping", the prop computer 3 1/2 feet to my right and I snap my head to it.

I groan, turning to it and tap away on the keyboard for a moment. "I'm sorry for the technical difficulties, everyone," I curtly remark, rapidly clicking away at the keys and mouse. 

"We're excited to be here and can't wait to be out there, but we're on our way out to the stage. We've probably been ha-ha-ha," Josh's voice begins. The message "skips" again, a silhouette popping up on the screen with a disguised voice (thanks to Brent).

Nick had him do it in his LA basement when he visited the weekend we thought of it and it came out so well, we agreed to use it. "Hackers," I mutter disgustedly, moving my fingers faster on the keys and the lights go off when the screen goes black. I have 45 seconds to run to the center and get into position to perform my only solo song on this tour, 'Jealous Rages'.

It's from my second album and it's about one of my exes who had many jealous rages if I spoke to any of my guy friends, beating me before claiming to be sorry only to repeat it when another rumor about me cheating was spoken.

Erick, one of my back up dancers from my 2 successful solo tours, joins me and grabs my arms. The music cues and the red stage spot light come on, focused on us and I begin singing the words as we go through a choreographed version of the bad memories.

At the end, I stand over him with my fist raised and drop to my knees as he blocks his face, the lights cutting out when my fist is inches from his face. I help him up and Justin walks onto the stage, Erick jogging off to change for the song I perform with Josh after this-'Animal'.

Justin and I huddle over the prop computer as I tap on the keyboard rapidly, the lights coming on and the screen turning on again. "The nerve of some people," Justin grumbles, hands on his hips and rocking his head from side to side as it hangs. 

"I know, Justin. At least I fixed it. Now, we pray the hacker or hackers don't burst our bubbles again," I reply. We turn to the audience.

"Sorry about that, they've been hacking into the feed every time we play the videos and he toys with us during the rehearsals, too," Justin 'explains' to the crowd and they boo about it. 

"I know, I know," I play into it, "we don't like it, either, guys. So, moving on. Are you ready to enjoy this show?!"

My arms shoot out to my sides, palms up and Justin cups his ear. "I couldn't really hear them," Justin remarks, teasing the fans. 

"I said, 'ARE YOU GUYS READY TO ENJOY THIS SHOW?!?!'" I demand louder.  The crowd cheers much louder this time,

Justin nodding with a ginormous grin. "I think they're set to have a great time, Lil Breanna," he comments, rubbing his ear with the heel of his hand. 

"Good! Let's get this show on the road!" I shout, jumping into the song I'd done with him. Most of the audience sings along, more than enjoying the performance. 

Strobe lights and artificial fog make it hard to see the set change on stage, making the 2 1/2 minute wardrobe change I have to do possible. The dancers, Josh, Aaron, Dawn and I all jog onto the stage and into place. She's only doing this performance one time with Aaron and she chose Tampa because its going to be HBO, Showtime, MTV, VH1 and ABC Family over the next few weeks while CBS premiers it live Saturday night; which is tonight. Rob will see it sooner or later and it's to see if she would want to do this on my next solo tour in the next few years.

She and Aaron have on head set mics for the spoken pieces at the very beginning of this song, hers and Aaron's will be shut off once the music starts up. 

We go through the performance harder than we had when we debuted it during the Movie Awards, this is where I slow it down and remember someone whose music got me through most of school. "This is where I pay homage to a beautiful woman who was so full of life and we all lost her far too soon in a horrible plane crash in the Bahamas, Aaliyah Dana Haughton." I motion to the screen, a picture of her with Josh and the rest of *NSYNC circa 2000. "Her words have pushed me to be exactly who I really am today." I look to the skies. "Thank you, our beautiful angel Aaliyah." I look back at the audience and smirk. "I paid my respects when I had my older daughter in the summer of 2005, now I get to do it musically." I look over to Dawn and she sits with me. "She recorded this for 'Music Of The Heart' soundtrack, 'Turn the Page'," I intro. 

"Yeah, yeah

A special smile, a certain touch

I never had a love that I loved so much

When I look back, you’re everywhere

Turn the page, you were there

My very best friend, my summer day

My only someone to depend on

When I’ve lost my way

You came and answered my every prayer

Turn the page, you were there." We smile at each other, hugging.

 
"What would I do if some strange morning

I opened up my eyes to find you’re gone?

I can’t imagine how I would survive that

Find another reason to go on

My one sure thing, my solid ground

All I ever wanted was the love that we found

When I look back, you’re everywhere

Turn the page, you were there, yeah

What would I do if some strange morning

I opened up my eyes to find you’re gone?

I can’t imagine how I would survive it

I can’t imagine how I would go on

A special smile, a certain touch

I never had a love that I loved so much

When I look back, you’re everywhere

Turn the page, you were there

You came and answered my every prayer

Turn the page, you were there

Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah..."

"I say we tease JC and Aaron some now by calling them some 'Extra Smooth' guys," Dawn jokes. 

"It's the last one by Aaliyah for now," I agree, our 'victims' and my dancers coming on stage.

"So, he got big brown eyes so he's built nice

Coming on strong six pack showing He's too cool for his own shoes

Nothin' rude but way to sure for me." We push a dark haired dancer who approached me cockily and a sandy blonde one who came onto her away, both of them acting offended. 

"He tryna be extra smooth, extra smooth

Extra cool, extra cute

Am I supposed to talk to you, be your boo?

Don't come tryna be extra smooth." A red head guy flirts too hard with her and a brown haired one pretends to feed me an overdone pick up line, we give them the hand and roll our eyes as we walk away. 

"So, he got line for line wastin' my time

Frontin' in da ride, tryna catch my eye

Disturbing my groove tryna be smooth

Get the boot," I continue to sing as the next pair step to us, we point something out and pretend to boot them in the ass from opposite ends of the stage toward the middle of it. They walk away and rub their asses, looking mad. 

"Boy, you can go ahead

And work on yourself another quick romance

A little too hot for me

You act like you've already got the number." Two of them pretend to type in our numbers and we tick our fingers back and forth, averting them with our faces covered. 

"I wish you quit tryna be extra smooth, extra smooth

Extra cool, extra cute

If I'm suppose to talk to you, be your boo

Don't come tryna be." We check our 'phones', meeting in the middle and 'showing' each other texts from our guys. Don't get it twisted, they're prop phones and the messages are definitely PG that come up on the huge screen behind us.

 
"Tryna be extra, extra, extra smooth

Extra, extra, extra cool

I won't talk to you, won't be your boo

Extra, extra, extra

Tryna be extra, extra, extra smooth

Tryna be extra, extra, extra smooth

Extra, extra, extra cool

I won't talk to you, won't be your boo

Extra, extra, extra

Tryna be extra, extra, extra

Tryna be extra, extra, extra smooth

Extra, extra, extra cool

I won't talk to you, won't be your boo

Extra, extra, extra

Tryna be extra, extra, extra

Tryna be extra, extra, extra smooth

Extra, extra, extra cool

I won't talk to you, won't be your boo

Extra, extra, extra

Tryna be extra, extra, extra smooth," she and I sing, pushing all my male dancers away and finally getting to Josh and Aaron before we let them hold us. 

The three of them leave the stage, the 'hacker' coming onto the screen again. "Have you enjoyed the show? I have," Brent's digitized voice rings out. The crowd boos the 'hacker'.

"Leave us alone!" I scream. "Hackers nowadays," I mumble, attempting to 'fix' the problem and 'block' his access. 

"-Nigels11-stop, maybe."

"Fine, Chris!"

He comes out looking annoyed, quickly clicks and moves the mouse a couple times. "Should work for awhile," he comments. 

I embrace him. "Thank you. I owe you a song. You pick."

"I say we perform one of my favorites, then one of yours."

"Ok."

His band launches into a remixed and chopped version of 'Crazy Girl' and 'Get Out'. "Now, we remixed the song JC did with Santana, 'If I Don't' and completed it," Chris intros. 

I take the first verse. "You know I've always kept my heart protected

Spending my life just building up this wall

How could I say no?

You hit me so unexpectedly

Like you want to prove there's nothing I can do," I belt out, meaning every word. 

"I think that maybe I might be in danger

Somehow you read my mind and found me out

I don't know which emotion's feelin' stranger now

Cause I'm afraid, but still I'm glad I stayed," Josh sings, coming onto the stage and enveloping me in his arms. He places a kiss on my lips and I smile. 

"I could try to fight it

Just deny it

Avoid the touch

And turn away from you or maybe

Ride it out

But if I like it

Is that enough

To call it love, to call it love," Chris sings, embracing the moment and teases us by batting his eye lashes. 

"It seems that you've broken down each wall

I've ever built, making me feel so tall I turn to you to reassure me

You run to me to protect you from harm

I feel broken

I feel whole

I know I've lost my mind

But I feel so sane

This is how life was meant to be, maybe

This is our destiny, our forever..." We all sing together, Chris covering background vocals. 

"Nothing felt more right

Yet it feels absolutely wrong

Never question

What is given

Sometimes you just need to let go

To find the true answers about your destiny," Chris finishes. We look over our fans and smile. 

"Lil Breanna," Justin calls faintly and I look to stage left, finding nothing. I shrug. "Lil Breanna," he calls a little louder, the stage darkening enough for the audience to only see my silhouette and I dart for center stage while Josh, Chris and his bandmates vacate the stage. I check stage right, finding nothing again and becoming annoyed. My hands go onto my hips and I turn to face the crowd, my hands going into the air out of 'frustration'. "Lil Breanna!" he shouts, pyrotechnics going off as he pops out of the top of the steps at the back end of the stage (reminiscent of the first Backstreet Boys tour in the US and we have permission) and I fall backwards facing him as my legs fall into a W position."There's no way I can truly explain, so it's 'Like I Love You' and I still can't have you cuz he wifed you," he says, jumping into the song and I transition into a handstand before getting to my feet. I'm standing in front of him, face to face. His arm encircles my waist as he says listen. I push away and begin to walk off. He follows, grabbing my wrist and spins me into his arms. We dance to the beat, the music moving our bodies in ways that seem so effortless.

We mixed one of my songs into it, 'Best Of Me (Get To Stepping)'.

"You're a player," I fire off. "All I want is a little respect!" I sing two verses and he sings a verse of his. 

"No matter how bad I want to give in to you

I know it's wrong cuz I'm with your boy

I have to be good to him

He's amazing to me

We are so in love

I won't let you get the best of me

You're not mine

You and him are homies

I'm not that way

You can't have the best of me

You should get to stepping before he finds out," I fire back, my hand on his chest and push him backward the entire time. I turn away and he spins me to himself again. He starts with the third verse of 'Like I Love You', stopping as I interrupt him after the chorus comes around and ends again. "Even if you've promised me the world

I have the universe already

He makes time for me

I can't wait to be in his arms every night

You're his best friend, you're at that fine line

Do you want to risk this friendship you share with him?

All I really want is a little respect from you

So, here's a little advice about what you feel for me

I won't let you get the best of me

You're not mine

You and him are homies

I'm not that way

You can't have the best of me

You should get to stepping before he finds out

I'm not like the other girls

Start stepping before he gets here

I refuse to give you the best of me

You better get to stepping!" I remind him, getting 'angry' and shoving him to the back of the stage. 

He starts back up with the 'chance to be your man' verse, my vocals mixing with Pharell's as he appears on stage and Justin 'chasing' me. He looks at Pharell and we dance the entire time, almost like a tug of war before I drop into a trap door when the lights begin blinking off and on.

I watch her sing with JC on stage, 'Is You Feelin' Me?' and the song he recorded with Blaque, 'Bring It All To Me'. Yes, she got permission to re-record it with him and it's all handled. She's doing what she loves with everyone she loves. She has female dancers on stage, dancing with her and JC is doing the same with her male dancers. Their bit ends soon and I get ready to go, knowing I'm after the next 'hacking issue'.

The lights dim and I get into position behind the curtain in the middle of the steps, ready to go. "Now, I have a sur-sur-sur," the video skips, making me smirk. 

"I'm back," Brent's digitized voice informs everyone. 

"Again?" she whines, clicking away like a mad woman. 

"Won't-easy-this time," he warns. 

"I really do apologize," she tells everyone. "I like this song, it was so much fun to redo." I hear 'Beautiful Lie' begin. 

"I’m gone

The ground is shaking under

Feels like the world

May all come crashing down

Now your words

And sorrys have no meaning

Baby, you lied," she sings, taking over the stage and audience as I watch as she dances to the beat and signifying the words. 

"You turned it on

Wasn’t my imagination

Everybody knows

That you’ve been running round

So dumb

Let you play with my emotions

Baby, you lied," I belt out, approaching her as 'upset' as I can portray. 

"If this isn’t love

What did I feel inside?

If this is love

How could you look in my eyes?

Cause my heart is breakin’, not falling this time

This can’t be love now I know

You’re a beautiful lie

It’s just a beautiful lie," we harmonize, dancing together. 

"So cold

Had me wrapped around your finger

Part of a show

Like a puppet on a string

How could I know

I was just another victim?

Baby, you lied," she sings, making most of the words visual with my occasional vocal input. 

"If this isn’t love

What did I feel inside?

If this is love

How could you look in my eyes?

Cause my heart is breakin’, not falling this time

This can’t be love now I know

You’re a beautiful lie

Just a beautiful lie," we repeat, perfectly mixing our voices. 

"I can’t stay when I keep falling apart

I won’t be here, waiting lost in the dark

Now I know it’s time to let go

And I won’t take this anymore

I don’t wanna be lonely, but I can’t take no more

I won't be lonely

You’re just a heartache, baby

I’m out that door," I inform the audience, making the visuals known with her singing her parts from the bottom of her heart and diaphragm as we alternate lines. 

"Cause my heart is breakin’, not falling this time

This can’t be love now I know

It's just a beautiful lie

It's just a beautiful lie

It's just a beautiful lie

Just a beautiful lie

Cause my heart is breakin’, not falling this time

This can’t be love now I know

It’s just a beautiful lie," we finish, across the stage from one another and she falls to her knees for dramatics alone with her face in her hands. 

I've let her use 'I Need You Tonight' and 'Heaven In Your Eyes', which she does more justice than I EVER could. "I have to be totally honest, Nick is such a good person with a kind heart that he let me use his songs and butcher them so badly," she explains, claiming she can't sing. 

"Are you kidding me?!" I shout, giving her a crazy look. "Alright." I turn to the audience and lift the mic to my mouth again. "I need you to scream as loud as you can if you think she can sing!" I demand, holding the mic out for them to know to make as much noise as they possibly can and they get out of control loud. "Right, you can't sing and I'm Reptar!"

She giggles. "Hi, Reptar!"

I shake my head. I catch her making a funny face at me and make one back. "I love you, little cousin," I remind her. 

"I hate you," she says, feigning anger. 

We start 'Funny Face' and she really gets into it, attaching me to cables near the end so I'm lifted off the stage. "Punk!" I shout, turning my mic off for the moment. 

We rotate out the rest of the show, Aaron's parts closer to the end. She got Mariah, Britney, Christina, Usher and a bunch of other artists to record their parts months ago for this tour because she had recorded with them. She pulls a disappearing act,

Aaron coming onto the stage for the final song. "Have you seen, Lil Breanna?" The audience points to a trap door and he looks, finding it empty. 

"You don't have swag, AC," she teases. 

"It took me 'One More Night' to get Dawn," he replies, looking at either side of the stage. 

"Thought you knew why she said 'I Ain't Gonna Take No More' back then," she reminds him. 

"Where are you?" he demands. 

"Watching you," she quips, pulling her tank top over her head and darting for the trap door behind him by the edge of the stage. 

"Creepy," he stage whispers. 

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she loudly laughs, popping out of the stage and he plays like she scared him with his hand over his heart.  After those songs and intros, they come off the stage. JC hugs her, she's dripping sweat and breathing heavy from busting her ass up there with about ten or fifteen different artists in a couple ways. 

We showered and went to a restaurant in the neighborhood of JC's house in Winter Park. Aaron and I are filming our parts in the warehouse *NSYNC used for 'Tearin' Up My Heart' in the morning, flying out after and she doesn't have a show for the next two days. She sits down, having showered and changed. The place is mostly deserted and we only see security around, not counting the two sets of teens. I see both sets of them whispering. "I think they might be fans or watched the show," I tell her, shifting my eyes at both groups of teens. She groans, just wanting to eat like normal people and drops her head onto her folded arms on the table top.

"Just wanna eat," she grumbles, a teenage boy of 19 approaches us and pulls a chair over. She looks at him, exhausted and really hungry. She somehow smiles weakly at him. "Hi."

"Are you Lil Breanna?" he inquires and her eyes quickly cut to me, my orbs telling her to play nice because it can further her career or destroy her. 

"Yes, I am," she honestly informs him. 

"I think your show tonight was amazing," he tells her. 

"Thank you," she says, smiling. 

"I'm Greg and that's Percy, my childhood friend," he informs us. She gets an excited look on her face as she looks at the door, popping straight up and I spin around to find her brother-in-law Tyler coming over with the biggest coolatta for her. I smirk and shake my head.

"Sorry," she quickly apologizes, snatching her coffee from the tray. She got the only coolatta from Dunkin's. "Coffee, how I missed you!" she exclaims, taking a HUGE gulp of it and her fan laughs. "I really am sorry. Nearly four hours on stage, a two hour drive and I've been up with my and Josh's five babies since five in the morning. I'm exhausted and I'll admit I'm very much appreciative of the support from the fans, but I'm tired. Coffee helps, it helps soooooo much."

"It's alright," he chuckles. "Percy and I drove to see the show and we understand." He pulls out a laminated ticket and two commemorative badges. "Would you sign these?"

"Who do I make them out to?"

"Percy and I would like the passes for us and I promised my girlfriend who has been sick with the chicken pox I'd get something for her. She was supposed to come," he requests and she rapidly signs them. 

"Write her address down in my notebook and I'll see what I can do. How bad is her case?" she inquires, digging out and pushing a fine tip Sharpie and her travel notebook toward him from her mini book bag. 

"She's almost done the antibiotic, tonight was the final dose."

He jots her address down and hugs her, walking over to his friend with his prizes in hand. 

The girls did approach us to say hi and thank us for a fantastic time, confessing they loved how involved the spectators had been able to be. We get in the bus and Sam looks at us. "I don't like that look," I state, forming a cross with my fingers and backing into the couch. 

She laughs. "It's just that I feel the need to do something nice for Greg's girlfriend, maybe stop in." 

She and JC look at one another and he sighs. "I'm glad we have security." She grins cheesily, bouncing in her seat and clapping her hands excitedly. We drive to the girl's address, it being in a decent part of town and she and JC get off the bus with Lonnie in tow.

We walk up to this girl's house and Sam raps at the door. She smiles when the door flings open, a dumbfounded 17 year old girl jumping and shrieking once she looks at us. "Are you Rachel?" I ask, the girl rapidly nodding and crying. "Is your boyfriend Greg and his friend is Percy?" Her response is the same. "Can we come in?" She backs up to allow us inside. 

"Sit down," she finally tells us, motioning to the couch. 

"She speaks!" Sam teases. 

"I-I-I can't believe you're in my living room!" 

I chuckle. "Our fans are what keep us alive and I married my biggest fan, now my raising my other five biggest fans," I inform her. 

"I need a picture!"

Sam and I sit on the couch, curled together. "She's so excited! It feels so good to do this!" I kiss her and a flash goes off, both of us blinking to regain our sight.

"Sorry! I didn't mean that!"

Sam shakes her head. "Just warn us next time and take off the flash, it's not necessary if the lights are on."

"Where are your parents?" I wonder out loud. 

"I'm 19 and Greg is as well, I live alone."

"Sit down and relax, Rach," Sam laughs, the fan doing as she requests. "Take a deep breath and slowly let it out."

Rachel has black hair that is halfway down her back, about two or three pant sizes smaller than Sam was when we first met and has grey eyes. She might stand about five foot seven, her high school diploma from Joey's alumni and numerous framed photos adorn the walls. She has a tank top and running shorts on, her hair haphazardly thrown up once she sits down. "Can I ask some questions?" Rachel asks. 

"Video tape it and sure," I reply. She sets up her silver digital camera, presses record and composes herself.

"What are your kids' names and ages?"

Straight to the personal shit! "You can't release this or we will sue for it," Sam advises. 

"I promise," she claims. 

"Mikal is 17, Aaliyah is 15, Demitryus is twelve and then we have our fraternal twins, Nickoly and AlexZandrya who are six." 

She asked a handful of questions and wished us well, allowing us to leave after an hour unharmed. 

We climb onto the bus after an interview and some photos, too tired to care where we fall asleep. I sit down in the lounge and pull my beautiful wife with me, taking up one of the longer couches. "Josh, sleep," she whines in the way she does when she's exhausted. 

"Yeah, sleep," I agree, wrapping my body around hers and kissing the back of her neck half a moment after she moved her hair. 

She sleepily moans, no longer fighting the urge to KO and someone pulls her over exerted body from my own awhile later. "Yo, C, come on. We gotta go inside," I hear Big Mike tell me, being thrown over someone's shoulder soon after and they groan from my dead weight. 

"You'd think she'd be lighter, but fuck no!" I hear Lonnie bitch, panting. 

"You also had to fight her and JC before you could do anything," Big Mike comments, most likely in my room already. 

"Remember, muscle weighs more, ladies," Derek reminds them. 

I wake up, holding her again and close my eyes again. I did until the younger three jump on us, waking us up. I groan and she giggles, calming down the kids quickly. "Give us ten minutes and we can go out to breakfast." They shout, leaving the room to harass our security. "So tired."

"And you said you wanted another ten," she reminds me, pressing her rose petal lips to mine before getting up.  She faces away from me, bending over to dig in our bag for clothes.

"So? We have plenty of time, mami," I argue playfully, my hands slipping under my head and my eyes glued to her heart shaped bubble butt. 

She sighs. "You're staring at my ass again, ain't you?" she demands, shaking her ass and looking at me over her slender shoulder. 

"Nine years and you're still breath taking as the day we first talked on the phone."

"Huh?"

"Aaron sent me a picture of you, remember?"

"How long has it been?"

"Nine years of you and the kids being my biggest blessings and I wouldn't even dream of consider changing it at all." I push against the bed, getting into a kneeling position on the edge of the bed and she tosses the clothes onto the counter in the bathroom. She struts over to me, barefoot and in a pair of my boxer briefs and one of her lacy tank tops with her hair a mess. 

She giggles. "What?"

"How you got up on the bed, it made me think of Justin getting up from the one in 'Tearing Up My Heart'. Back when he was actually innocent and you guys were all soo young, such baby faces." She pats my cheeks, smirking. I shrug, wrapping my arms around her middle and kissing her belly. I believe we've been on the road for two months and just got to Connecticut last night, putting us three days away from Boston and then head north before we spend nearly three weeks in New England before going down the rest of the east coast. After that, it's the rest of the world and she's over the moon thrilled. She LOVES to travel the world, pleasing the fans and critics, performing and amusing the fans we have at each sold out venue on this tour, exciting the fans makes her the most because they leave happy and have enjoyed the whole thing. Her meet and greets are included in her $120 per ticket prices for all her fans, only asking for $80 more for special autographed commemorative items to be included with their first 13 rows of seats.

"You still love me," I state. 

"Yes, more with each day that comes and goes. 28 years of loving you, the past nine being up close and personal." She holds me tightly, bending to barely press her lips to the crown of my head. 

"Thanks for doing this, all of it. I mean from the kids to getting me in the studio down to doing every single thing you have in almost a decade." I mean every fucking word I just said. I look into her light blues and smile gently. "Especially teaching each other to really love again."

"It was all worth it. We should shower before they drive Lonnie, Derek, Big Mike and Tiny insane."

She pulls on my hands and I reluctantly follow, earning a kiss once the bathroom door shuts. I put the clothes on the back of the toilet and when I turn around, she's pulling her see through orange lacy boyshorts down. I watch her bend at the waist slowly and I strip out of my shorts, having slept naked underneath. I silently creep up behind her as she bends to take her feet out of them, slipping inside her pink velvet and grabbing her hips as she moans. "Oh, fuck," she groans, pushing on the wall, her hands slowly working their way up it as she moves against it so we can do it standing upright and I follow her lead, getting louder without enough volume for anyone outside our room to hear us. I brush my lips against her neck, slowly trailing down her shoulder and back, my nails digging into her at the top of her thighs in the front.

"JC! Sam! Hurry up! The youngest boys are driving us out of our minds and it's like younger and crazier versions of Chris and Justin!" I slowly cease my movements. 

"Fuck," she groans, "this is gonna kill me, but we haven't got any choice but to finish this later." She looks over her shoulder at me and I whimper. 

"Please, no," I plead. 

"I don't wanna, either, but Demitryus and Nickoly are driving them up a wall."

"Never able to be freaky through to the end."

"Part of having children, baby," she reminds me, pushing her hips backward toward me. 

"Ohhhhhh!" I moan, allowing my head to drop back in enjoyment and the upcoming agony. "You're such a tease," I growl. 

"I'll try not to make it too bad for you."

I raise an eyebrow, slowly pulling out and scratch from the inside of her beautifully sculpted thighs to near her hips, a low groan coming from her. "I'll make sure that you have the hardest time trying not to jump my bones," I promise her. 

"We have five interviews today between nine and four with time for lunch after two of them, a meet and greet and a fan chat on tumblr and twitter all before the show tonight," she informs me. 

I'm on my public Tumblr, my Twitter and Facebook accounts open on other tabs as I reply to fans, family and friends. I scroll down my Twitter and see a tweet thanking me for taking the time out to see @Rachie99_Tampa when we had been in Tampa. 'Thanks @Lil_Breanna8613 for hanging out with me and bringing @JCChasez with you! #unforgettable!'

I click 'reply' and type my response. 'If I find out a fan is sick and missed my show, I make it up to them. Thanks for being a great fan! <3 you!'

I sit back, jumping to the tab for Tumblr and checking my mail on that site, a huge smirk on my face. My fans are bogging it down horribly. It's so worth it, this proves it to them. Justin and Chris are being such dorks. They're on their Twitter accounts, tagging Josh and I in every single one they're sending at this moment. I can tell, my computer is going off every five seconds and I'll check it in a few. Nick is on Tumblr, evident by the Boys' account. He just posted a picture of he and I, our faces scrunched up and tongues out. The hashtag and caption make me giggle. 'Me and #Lil_Bre8613 being normal. She's on this site and Twitter RIGHT NOW. @Lil_Breanna8613 is her Twitter! #ask lots and lots of questions #talk to her already!'

I reply to it and smile as I type what I have to say. 'I am bouncing back and forth between the sites, so please be patient!'

A fan goes out of their mind a minute after that was posted. Their name on the site is Rightoff*Backwards. 'Omfg! Lil Breanna IS on here and Twitter! She def replied to my bf, Rach and now her cousin! Hop on this now people! She's here to talk to us! That IS an awesomely cool person to take time out just for us fans! Even JC is on twitter, answering us as fast as he can! I can imagine him asking her for help and it's adorable!'

I smile at my laptop. 'I am on here, Twitter and my personal FB! JC looks frustrated. Please go easy on him! He's good at it, but not fluent yet! He's not big on the internet or media sites, so slow down. Have mercy on him! Link this to your Twitter accounts, I'd like all fans to be aware. Thanks! Love you all! :* <3'

I guess some fans tagged he and I in their tweets concerning that, the look on his face says it. "Really, babe?" he demands.  "I know you need time to answer them all, so now you have it," I reason, the sounds slowing down from his computer. I answer a few fans on the site I'm on, jumping onto Twitter and giggling. '@Lil_Breanna8613 said to pass this along for @JCChasez's sake', @Rachie99_Tampa posted.

 'Thanks, girl!' I comment on it.

'Anytime! Follow me on Tumblr please Tampa99Rach?'

'You following me already?'

'Yes!'

I rapidly do as she requested, going back to our conversation on the other social media site. 'Request approved and fulfilled! Lol!'

Nick tweets his way into the discussion. 'I had to harass her to follow me on her public one!'

'I had to get you to follow my private one first, Snickerlas!'

'Hush with that noise, Bitty Bre!'

'Keep it up!'

'XD I can!'

'You sicko!'

He puts up a photo of him holding up a piece of paper with the word 'it' written in his script across the page. 'See? I'm keeping it up! XD I crack myself up!'

I face palm myself. "Are you and Nick seriously fighting on here?"

"Not really, I consider it playful banter."

Josh tweets on the same one. 'She considers this ^ to be playful banter between her and @nickcarter. It's so much funnier in person!'

"Really now?" I ask him.

 "I love you," he playfully remarks.

 "Love you more," I retort, rapidly typing away on the keyboard. 'This is sooooo much funnier!' I tweet, including a link to my YouTube account and tag the two men in it. 

'Ignore that last one from her! It's spam!' Nick claims. Multiple fans comment that Nick was trying to conceal it, knowing he's embarrassed about it and I laugh as people begin tagging friends in their comments, aware it's going to be all over all three sites by morning.

 'Pointless, huh? Trying to deceive the fans and public?'

':/ I hate you so much right now! :'

'<3 love you more, cuzzo! <3'

"Sam! Josh! Soundcheck!" Cassie yells at us, rolling her eyes from behind her phone.  I giggle, logging off after informing the fans.

 "I'm going to get you back, Sam," Josh warns me, his ass still planted in the chair. I get up, face him and quickly flash him, slowly backing up to the door. "Really? That's how it is?" he questions, his jaw working again as I get near the only entrance and exit to the room. I nod, smirking.

 "Yup!" I yell, turning my back to him and running like a bat outta hell for the stage. I hear him chasing me and I smile, his feet pounding the ground a few feet behind me as I navigate the way to the stage. I thought I made it scott free until Justin grabs me from behind in a bear hug and Chris smiles at me like the demon he can be.

"I got her, C!" Justin calls out, holding tight to me while I wriggle and squirm, my attempts proven to be in vain when my husband stands in front of me. 

"I love you," I rapidly respond to his devious grin. He kisses the side of my neck, gently nipping the flesh he just had his lips on and his lips grip the bottom of my earlobe, a moan forcing itself out of my throat, barely audible.

"I'll have my revenge later tonight after the show, mami," he informs me, his lips brushing the shell of my right ear and his tongue flicks it. 

"What I really wanna say, I can't define," I softly sing in reply, my cheek pressing against his. 

"My soul just can't wait," he fires back, singing another part of Sublime's 'Santeria'. 

"I'm hornier than Ron Jeremy."

"I'm the type of lover with sensitivity."

"Unh, caress me down."

"Unh, and that's the loving sound."

"You guys are freaks," Chris comments.

"Le vanta," I continue, ignoring him. Josh cracks a smile.

"She licks it like a lollipop," he belts out. 

"You better be singing Framing Hanley's version."

"It's one of your favorite covers of a sucky song," he responds, taking hold of me and shooting Justin a look that tells him to release.

"Call me so I can make it juicy for ya." I roll my hips against him, my eyes burning for him. This is our game, used for vocal exercises and amusement.

"Still hotter than anything I can put into words," he tells me. I laugh and Cassie joins us, albeit in the fourth row of seats.

"You have about ten minutes to begin warming up."

I smile at him and he kisses my nose. "I think the joy kill is telling us that play time is over."

I sigh, crossing my arms and pouting. "Fiiiiiiinnnneee," I whine. 

We get our mic packs on, hand mics in our palms and we smile because we never go through soundcheck with our own songs. It's always rock or R&B, sometimes soul and we always have fun, jumping from song to song as we think of lyrics to some that we know by heart. I begin bopping my head to a beat in my head. "Maybe if my heart stops beating, it won't hurt this much.

 And never will I have to answer again to anyone, please don't get me wrong because I'll never let this go, but I can't find the words to tell you.

I don't wanna be alone, but now feel like I don't know you."

 Justin begins to let his head bob around. "Fiona says she's out shopping, but she's under me and I'm not stopping." My eyes are closed and I can feel Josh's annoyance at Justin's first choice. 

I hear Chris tapping his sneakered foot on the stage. "All the promises they made us are all shattered on the ground.

In your defense, you've done no wrong and live life in innocence.

 So how could they ever look you in the eye?

If I could be the man on your shoulder to watch you as you grow older, I think it's much easier tonight," Chris' beautiful tenor/falsetto voice rings out with pure emotion.

Josh takes a deep breath, releasing it. "Since I first saw you. It's been awhile since I could stand on my own two feet again.

It's been awhile since I could call you.

And everything I can't remember, it's fucked up as it always seemed.

 The consequences that are rendered, I stretched myself beyond my means.

It's been awhile since I could say I wasn't addicted.

It's been awhile since I could say I love myself as well again.

It's been awhile since I've gone and fucked things up, just like I always do.

It's been awhile, but all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you." He steps in front of me as he sings the word 'addicted', pulling me closer to him by my hip and I open my eyes to look into his.

"It's been awhile since I could look at myself straight.

It's been awhile since I said I'm sorry.

It's been awhile since I've seen the way the candles light your face.

It's been awhile, but I can still remember just the way you taste." He lowers his mic, smiling after a quick brush of his mouth against mine.

I grin back at him. "To this chapter of my ever changing life.

And there's mistakes, the path is long.

And I'm sure I'll answer for them when I'm gone.

So when the day comes and the sun won't touch my face, tell the ones who care enough that I've finally left this place that's been so cold.

Look at my face, all the stories it will tell I can't erase." I swallow, taking a sharp, quick breath and it settles in deeply.

 "Just one more song,  just something to remind you when I'm gone, when I'm gone.

The road to hell along the way is paved with good intentions, so they say.

Some believe that no good deed goes unpunished in the end or so it seems.

So when the day comes and the sun won't touch my face, tell the ones who care enough that I've finally left this place that's been so cold," I belt out.

I take another deep breath. "So this is it, I say goodbye to this chapter of my ever changing life."

Justin taps a fast beat on his hip, my ears recognizing Pierce the Veil's 'A Match Into Water' and smile when I know I've forced this song to become stuck in his head. "God, you vulture!

Bring her back or take me with her!"

He keeps the beat, not knowing half of the chorus.

"Make me a promise here tonight like a tidal wave, dream us in early graves.

Never wanted it to be this way.

The chemicals will bring you home, I guess.

With sudden death, we fight back.

You traitor!"

He takes a breath. "We will bring a tidal wave and nothing will remain!

She's mine, you stay away from her, it's not your turn!" His eyes are locked with Josh's and I pray Chris will sing something that can change the mood. 

Chris clears his throat, lifting his mic to his mouth. "I don't wanna waste my time become another casualty to society, never fall in line and never become another victim of conformity.

Because you don't know us at all, we laugh when old people fall.

But what would you expect with a conscience so small?

Heavy metal and months, that's how we were raised."

He smiles. "We like having fun at other people's expense and cutting you down is just a minor offense and it's none of your concern.

I guess I'll never learn, I'm sick of being told to wait my turn." 

Justin and Josh laugh at the other man's choice of song. "Don't count on me to let you know when.

Don't count on me, I'll do it again.

Don't count on me, that's the point you're missing.

Don't count on me cuz I'm not listening!"

"Never let herself again and that was the day that I promised I'd never sing of love if it does not exist.

But, darling, you are the only exception."

He kisses my lips. "Maybe I know somewhere, deep in my soul that love never lasts.

And we've got to find other ways to make it alone but keep a straight face.

And I've got to live like this, keeping it a comfortable distance."

We go in this fashion until it's time to sing as a quartet, smiling at one another and the tension having vanished. I start with the first line of the song and once they readily recognize it as Since October's 'Beautiful', they join me after the first verse.  "Oh, how beautiful you are

So perfect in my eyes

So terrible and wrong

You look beautiful tonight," I begin, hoping they know what song this is.

 
"You're completely perfect

But perfectly incomplete

You're lacking only me

But you acted like you didn't want to know me

I have never seen your face

This glimpse of fantasy

I've fallen on my knees

Listen please, listen to me

Oh, how beautiful you are

So perfect in my eyes

So terrible and wrong

You look beautiful tonight

For you to love me

For you just to know my name

Someday, sometime

Just for you to say that you'll be mine

I have never seen your face

This glimpse of fantasy

I've fallen on my knees

Listen please, listen to me

Oh, how beautiful you are

So perfect in my eyes

So terrible and wrong

You look beautiful tonight

I'm still waiting, I'm still waiting

I'm still waiting, I'm still waiting

I'm still waiting, I'm still waiting

Oh, how beautiful you are

So perfect in my eyes

So terrible and wrong

You look beautiful tonight

Bleed this through me

You look beautiful tonight

Bleed this through me," we collaborate flawlessly, a perfect blend of four voices. 

Someone beyond my line of sight claps their hands, genuinely praising us and a second pair of hands join in. "We never thought we'd be replaced vocally, it hadn't crossed our minds that it might only take one woman to do so," a bass voice confesses.

"This isn't a confessional," I quip, jumping off the edge of the stage because I think I know who the voice belongs to, aware it's been far too long since we've seen him and whoever he brought with him. We're in Mississippi, Biloxi exactly and I picked this one cuz it's near one of our friends' hometowns. I also knew about what time frame he'd be around here and I made sure a few tickets were sent to his home in this state. He smiles at me, his green eyes twinkling before embracing me.

"Hey, shorty."

I wrap my arms around his waist, humming at the warmth in our usual greeting. "You got the passes?"

"Yes, my parents and siblings and Darren will be here in an hour. You've met Michael." A brown eyed and slightly husky Italian man takes me from his friend's arms. "And you know Joey."

"Hi."

Michael isn't one for many words. I pull him and James into the group hug. "Of course I remember the love of your life who makes you happy and one of your best friends that you just so happened to perform in a multi talented group with."

"I brought a good friend of mine with me," James informs me, the three men pulling away from me and the 42 year old blonde motions to my right to a man I recognize immediately. I smile like a goon.

"Jason David Frank."

"Lil Breanna," he retorts, nodding with a teasing smirk on his face. "These two guys told me you're an old fan of mine." He points at Joey and James. 

I nod once. "I have been since you first brought Tommy Oliver to life back in the nineties on the original Power Rangers show."

He chuckles, his body shaking almost violently. "How much do you know about me?"

"Married twice and have five children, spent a few years as an MMA fighter professionally."

He shrugs. "Not too concerned about getting all the personal details, a true respectful fan. Thank you." 

"Not a problem, Jason. You deserve the respect that people should give you when it concerns your personal life."

He laughs. "You've been on both sides of the fence; as a fan and as a public figure, a celebrity. You understand our need for privacy."

I scoff. "More than you know. How'd you enjoy our soundcheck and vocal warm up?" I ask him, shaking his hand as he gets to his feet and quickly yanks me into a short embrace. 

"Who's this?" Josh demands, that green monster peeking around a corner curiously as he approaches us. "Hey, Lance! What's up, Joey?" he greets our friends, his eyes cutting back to Jason with a glare in them. I laugh at his display.

"Baby, this is Jason David Frank." A blank stare. He has no clue. "On the first Power Rangers show he played as the green and white power rangers, Tommy Oliver." He raises an eyebrow. "MMA fighter," I finish. 

"I have no damn clue who the fuck he is."

"Amy Jo Johnson played Kimberly Hart, his character's love interest."

Justin and Chris join us. "I'm a fan of yours!" Justin announces, offering his hand and shakes it happily. "Justin Timberlake."

"Oh, the curly top from *NSYNC!" Jason retorts, pointing at Justin's face and laughs for a moment at the annoyed expression on the younger man's face. "My daughter has been a fan of yours since she was a toddler."

"To be honest, I don't see why anyone would be a fan of his," I mutter.

Josh laughs hysterically. "Burn! Me either, mami."

I smirk, face Justin and bat my lashes. His response is to flip me off. "Real mature, Curly," Lance fires back at him. 

"Whatever, Poofoo," he grumbles. Lance uses both middle fingers and Justin gives it back to him. I throw them for a serious loop by giving them the 'triple middle finger' (it's hard to do a step by step instruction when you need it demonstrated) and Josh cachinnates about it, knowing the meaning of it when we spent a few days around Christmas halfway across the country with one of my childhood friend's at their place.

She's paced before every performance, working on her vocal warm ups and we had finished rehearsal two hours ago. She's showered and donning one of her costumes that she begins every show with, my eyes on her. She hits a high E over C, a new note that proves her range just hit its sixth octave and she ceases movement and singing. She shocked herself. "Did I just hit another octave? Another level to add to my range?"

"You now have a six octave range and have a larger range than me," I praise her, Justin and Chris barging into our green room. 

"JC, did you do that?" Chris asks. 

"Baby, sing 'Reflection'."

I know she can now hit that note on her own, no coaching needed and she does, flawlessly hitting that high E over C better than Christina. "That answers that. Congrats, Sam, you have another range to add to your abilities," Justin quips, praising her afterward. "That's, what, five ranges now?"

"Six octave range, very impressive," Lance compliments her, clapping. He pokes his head around the corner of the door and smiles at her, proud she is now capable of out singing me. 

"Holy shit, she's now up there with Whitney, Britney, Christina and Mariah!" Joey comments. 

"That's quite a range," Jason David Frank comments, "I heard that high note all the way outside the arena."

She takes a deep breath and hugs me, crouching on the trap door before I steal a quick kiss. "Bonne chance, mami," I tell her. 

"Et vous," she fires back, almost lightening fast and pulls her hood over her head. "Ready, Gordon!" she shouts to her stage hand a few feet away. Nickelback's 'Midnight Queen' plays as her intro song because she chose Boston as one of her 16+ crowd stops on this tour with every attendee carded at the door via school or state ID. She sings one of her favorite Paramore songs, 'Ignorance' with Haley William's video playing and Sam pops up, face to face with a hooded Haley. They kill it, leading into 'Decode' and 'Misery Business' and executing choreographed fight moves with precision I haven't seen in so long. They jump into a song I'd seen years ago in one of her many notebooks and smile, understanding why she only wanted two people to hear it when she met up with Haley alone. 

"Never began to dream this 

Couldn't imagine life being so perfect 

Didn't know I could be in love It's more than I ever could wish
Friends say I've been given karma

Supportive of my joy

Never questioning our gift

Believe me when I say this
All those who love me are blessed

I wouldn't ask for more

Than what I've got

Your love means you've been earning 

Instead of keeping it, you chose to share

More than a simple caress

Placing your affections 

To show your concern

For a connection between us

You grow within my heart 

I can't even begin to return it all

It's not enough to be right for you

My heart is slowly repairing from old wounds

You never promised me anything

You always showed me you weren't like the other guys 

And I proved it to you about women

You snuck into my life, my heart to never be torn apart
Everyday is wondrous

I can't say those words yet

No more running from it

No more hiding from such a beautiful thing

I've taken all the time I needed to find myself, find us
All those who love me are blessed

I wouldn't ask for more

Than what I've got

Your love means you've been earning 

Instead of keeping it, you chose to share

More than a simple caress

Who cares what they think?

I miss you when I think of your simple caress

I need to feel your simple caress

Nothing has ever felt as right as your simple caress

I need to feel more than a simple caress

I can't sleep when I don't feel your simple caress

You know nothing more than a simple caress 

Is what it takes you to prove wrong the temptress

Desire isn't enough, prove it with more than a simple caress

One thing could only intensify it all, I confess

Need and want do differ, but this will always be limitless 

Need more than a simple caress

Gravitate to you for more than a simple caress

You show your appreciation with more than a simple caress

Proving emotions with more than a simple caress

Enjoying the other half more than a simple caress

Roaming around to be greeted with so much more than a simple caress," she and Haley sing back and forth, Sam meaning each word for me specifically. Haley smirks and they strip off the hoodies simultaneously, they have one more song.

"I could always 'Use Somebody' just like Kings of Leon described in their song," Haley announces, "but you have that fulfilled."

Haley and her sing their hearts out, the women hugging before the Paramore front woman dropping into the fall safe area and their silhouetted band members switching out and Chad Kroeger walking out.

Chad quickly falls into the position he needs to be in beside her, his head down and beside her. She sings all odd verses and Chad takes the even, both harmonizing for the chorus to sound like a beautiful contradiction of voices. 

"Crowds that scream at superstars

Where bouncers show their battle scars

I've been the first to sign on every wall

Down the road and round the bend

We pray to God it never ends

I've been, I've seen, we've screamed to everyone," she growls out, her voice husky as Chad grins in a prideful way. 
"We'll see you at the show

If you don't come, we'll never know

You stand off in the back

You still stand out while you're wearing black," she continues, his vocals joining her as they sing to one another. 

"Jump onto the bus

And ride around with all of us

We'll go out on the town

And light it up 'til we burn it down, burn it down," he croons into the microphone as she grabs an electric guitar to play with him and he grabs his own guitar.

 
"After hours and alcohol

Every club, we've seen 'em all

As long as we don't need to stand in line

Party scenes and billboard dreams

The ladies love those limousines

We know they're gonna show up every time," he continues. 
"We'll see you at the show

If you don't come, we'll never know

You stand off in the back

You still stand out while you're wearing black
Jump onto the bus

And ride around with all of us

We'll go out on the town

And light it up 'til we burn it down, burn it down," they belt out together, shamelessly. 
"Crowds that scream at superstars

Where bouncers show their battle scars I've been the first to sign on every wall

Down the road and round the bend

We pray to God it never ends

I've been, I've seen, we've screamed to everyone," she sings from her heart, enjoying the time on the stage with someone she’s always respected as a performer.

 
"We'll see you at the show

If you don't come, we'll never know

You stand off in the back

You still stand out while you're wearing black
Jump onto the bus

And ride around with all of us

We'll go out on the town

And light it up 'til we burn it down, burn it down

Light it up 'til we burn it down

Light it up 'til we burn it down

You know we gotta light it up 'til we burn it down

Burn it down!" The two of them really got riled enough to make the fans go apeshit. 

She and I are on stage, ready to cover 'A Match Into Water', 'Use Somebody' and 'Never Let This Go' in no particular order. "I have select venues on this collaboration tour, like this one, that have age limits and some inappropriate for children moments which is why I set up the age restriction."

I took off early this morning to dye my hair, Cassie with me to have hers highlighted and we leave the salon about five hours later. We splurged a tiny bit and got our nails done, just to surprise Nick and Josh. We have our heads covered with ball caps repping our favorite basketball team, Orlando Magic. "Lemme see your hair," she demands. 

"Show me yours."

"You first."

"Nope, you first."

I groan and have an 'ah-ha' moment. "Same time on three."

"Deal. One, two, three." We pull our hats off and look at each other's hair, touching a handful of it on the other one's head. "You have a color close to Jessica Rabbit's!" she comments, smiling. 

"The reds and blues you used look great!"

"JC is going to flip when he sees this!"

"Nick is going to lose his mind when he sees you."

We laugh at the possible reactions of our other halves, teasing them before we even arrive at the arena. We get our caps on again and climb out, laughing like we've lost our damn minds. I hear the security team whispering around us as we wait for everyone who's supposed to perform in Kitteridge, Maine with us tonight. "What's so funny, guys?" Cassie snaps. She's annoyed, borderline pissed off. 

"Your striped and her Jessica Rabbit inspired hair," Lonnie attempts to inform us without trying too hard to keep from laughing. We flip the entire security staff off, mad they decided to tease us. 

Josh walks in and most of security, walks out. "Go get her, Roger," Tiny teases him. 

"Puh-puh-puweeeze!" Mike taunts, folding his hands in a prayer position. 

"Alright, guys, knock it off. Let Roger have time with Jessica so she only plays 'Patty Cake' with him," Derek comments, the four of them walking off with Lonnie leaving last and shaking his head in an ashamed manner while they laugh about the jokes. 

"Who's Roger? What about a Jessica? I'm not cheating. Are you?" he asks, genuinely befuddled, pointing in the direction of our security staff.

 
Cassie and I laugh like a couple hyenas barking, rocking on the couch we've been occupying. She stops laughing and pulls off my cap. "Hey!" I shout. 

"That's why," she explains, pointing to my head and I knock hers off to reveal her hair. 

"You're one to talk, Rainbow-Brite!" I retort. 

"For your information, I grew up watching that and I think Jessica Rabbit was the shit!"

"Well," Josh begins, breaking into a fit of laughter he has no control over. He's holding himself upright, kinda upright, with help from the chair beside me. "I'm in my forties and still find Jessica Rabbit to be beautiful, but I know she's a fictional cartoon character who doesn't match up to my breath-taking wife for even a moment," he explains. 

"I thought so."

"You're real and I have you in my life, nothing I'd want to-"

"Daddy! Daddy!" Nickoly exclaims, running into the room a few feet ahead of his twin sister. 

"Dadoo! Dadoo!" Zandrya shouts, both of them hugging his waist. 

Aaron walks in, a shit eating grin plastered on his face. "Did you let her watch 'Animaniacs' again?" Josh questions, pointing to our youngest daughter above her head. 

"She found my old DVDs and threw one in the player, so she chose it."

Cassie and I laugh again. "She's YOUR daughter," he tells me, smiling from ear to ear and teasing me. 

"Nickoly is definitely yours, you've always turned my older children into yours," I counter with. 

"I couldn't fully corrupt your older daughter, she's JUST LIKE YOU."

Is that the best argument he can come up with? Seriously? "My middle son is JUST LIKE YOU AND YOU ADOPTED HIM!" I point out, a single digit aimed at him. 

Cassie looks between us, Josh and I having smiles break onto our faces and the two of us laugh while leaving her confused. Nick clears his throat, our joyous noise dying down some and gaining our attention at the same time. "How did you confuse my fiancé?"

"Our 'which kid is like which parent' argument," I inform him, earning an annoyed groan for a response. 

He covers his face with his hand, shaking his head. "Of course," he complains, tossing his head back and his hands go into the air. 

I just tied the bandana around my head, concealing my hair before my fan interview with my biggest fan in Kitteridge, the town we play tonight and sit in the back of the tour bus. I get bored and climb the steps to the open second floor and walkie to Lonnie. "Send everyone else to the second level, lead the fan up here as well."

"Yes, Jessica," he replies, sniggering. 

"Oh, jeeze. Va te faire foutre, dill weed."

"I got dill weed. What was that you said before that?"

"Look it up cuz I'll never tell."

"She said for you to fuck off."

"Just had to ruin my fun, Joshua. I'll deal with you later. Je ne vais foutre tu  çe soir," I fire back at my husband, feeling like I just won a war of words with him.

"You realize I can spell all that and I believe the basis of that is along the lines of... HEY! I didn't start this! I don't call you that! I haven't all day! Why punish me?"

He's whining, making me laugh and indicating that I've won."Sam, you're just mean to the man," Derek claims. 

"That's why we can usually hear them, right?" Tiny disagrees, hinting at our very active bedroom activities. 

I chuckle, unaware they heard it. "She even agrees with me!"

"I do not!" I fib, "I just find it funny."

"Still, why punish me?!" Josh demands. I release the button, hearing the entire security team laugh at him.

"Whoo!" I press the button and take a breath.

"They're your security team from your-"

"Don't even," he warns me. 

"Boybanddays!" I rapidly blurt out. I drop the walkie onto the couch beside me and fall over laughing. 

"Burn!" Big Mike fires off. 

"That's cold!" Tiny exclaims. 

"Ooh, damn!" Lonnie adds. 

"Oh, come on! You listened to them and obsessed over the man you're now married to!" Derek fires back, throwing me under the bus. 

"Just so you know, I was obsessed since 92 and those were his pre-boyband days, back when he'd been on MMC! So, meh!" I retort, sticking my tongue out as if he were in the room with me. 

"Get that tongue in your mouth!" Nick orders. 

"We all know where it's been, but still," Aaron chimes in. 

I can see Cassie just shaking her head as she puts her two cents in. "You two are sick. Nick, everyone knows where your mouth has been since we've gotten back together, yet we still allow you to run your mouth."

She is awarded with laughter from everyone except Nick and I roll toward the back of the couch to keep from falling off, laughing hard enough to have to physically hold onto the couch. "Not funny," Nick growls.

I grab the walkie. "You're right, it wasn't."

Yes, a touch of sarcasm. "Sam agrees with me," he announces. 

"It was fucking hysterical!" I observe, everyone laughing again.

"You're on a mean streak tonight, aren't you?" Lonnie demands.

"No, not at all. I'm on a roll."

"If that's what you call it, but we refer to it as a mean streak."

I roll my eyes and let it go, sitting upright against the back of the couch and lean my head back onto the cushions. I close my eyes and begin to relax, nervous to meet my biggest fan.

Oh, joy, we get to meet her biggest fan. I’m not thrilled because this woman is also my biggest fan, making it creepy as fuck and she also idolizes my brother. I bet she’s been following the three of our careers since I first became known just for the fact that we’re related, I wouldn’t put it past this super fan. What makes me smirk about it? She’s not a huge JC fan, she doesn’t even like anything to do with *NSYNC and I find that tidbit hysterical. She can’t even name two of the members of JC’s group. “Buuuuuuuuuuggggggg!” Nickoly excitedly shouts, airborne before I can react and I breathe a sigh of relief when I catch the almost five year old boy.

“Nickoly, you can’t be jumping like that if I’m not ready.”

“Why not?” His piercing blues shine, no doubt with pure curiosity.

“If I dropped you or you got hurt in any way, your mom would kick my butt and you kids all know this,” I reiterate, pointing at him and myself as I remind the small child.

He shakes his head and motions to himself. “I won’t tell mommy.”

“She’d hear you crying, it’s like she has super sonic hearing when it comes to you kids,” I tell him, giving him a bored look.

“No-suh.”

My walkie clicks. “Yes, I do, Nickoly,” his mom proves me right.

He searches for her and looks scared out of his mind, making me smile. “Told you, kid.”

“She’s like supermom or something.”

“You have no clue, but you will someday.”

“Daddy isn’t good as mommy,” he observes.

“Daddy is still learning about kids and raising them.”

“Like you?”

“Yeah, but I’ve had less time.”

I put Nickoly on his feet and he scampers off to find whoever he’s after, most likely Chris. I look over and notice Cassie’s photo album on one of the tables. I sit on the loveseat and pull it to me, opening it to a page where I see a photo I haven’t seen in years. The fucked up part is that Sam and Cassie are so much like each other, it’s mind blowing.

I hear the tune I associate with both of the women, shaking my head at one of the most embarrassing photos from my pre-group days with the four of us guys and Cassie. I hear the two of them laugh with JC and Sam’s youngest boy, coming this way and the child demands his mom to sing the song, something she always does for her children. This song is purely humorous, but so accurate and I have to thank The Sickest Kids for recording and releasing ‘Forever A Lady’ on July 14, 2008 on ’Underdog Alma Mater’. I swear I had no idea about it until Sam came across some of her old albums and notes with her favorite bands and songs. She also loves ‘Chin Up’ by the same band. Sam is one of the pickier musical fans, Cassie is more laid back and accepting of anything to do with music. They’re so much the same as they are different, it makes me laugh. I hadn’t heard of half the bands and groups and artists Sam has until she came around and I have to admit that half of the bands have strange names (Stereo Skyline, Sick Puppies, and Mayday Parade to name a couple), but their music and lyrical talent more than efficiently compensate for the names.

I'm in love with a girl I hate
She enjoys pointing out every bad thing about me
I'm in love with a critic and a skeptic, a traitor
I'd trade her in a second

She's a backseat driver, a drama provider
An instant update of the world
She's a first class liar, a constant forgetter
She's attractive but bitter

Did you scream enough to make her cry
To turn around, turn around?
Baby, don't return to me
If you think that I'm not worth your time

She's a lady
And ladies shouldn't be messed with
She's a lady
And ladies shouldn't be messed with

Take off your shoes, come in the room
And baby let's try not to argue
Turn out the lights, turn on the radio
And how can we fight when I'm too busy loving you
I'm too busy loving you, I'm too busy loving you?

Did you scream enough to make her cry
To turn around, turn around?
Baby, don't return to me
If you think that I'm not worth your time

She's a lady
And ladies shouldn't be messed with
She's a lady
And ladies shouldn't be messed with

Here I am, there you go again, again
We will not ever be eighteen again, again

And I'm worn out of fighting
And every night you leave crying
And I, I could use some time
Here I am, there you go again, again

So here I am and I'm dying
And I'm waiting for you, waiting for you
Come back, come back to me
And I'll take you gladly, well, I'll take you any time

Did you scream enough to make her cry
To turn around, turn around?
Baby, don't return to me
If you think that I'm not worth your time

Did you scream enough to make her cry
To turn around, turn around?
Baby, don't return to me
If you think that I'm not worth your time

She's a lady
And ladies shouldn't be messed with
She's a lady
And ladies shouldn't be messed with

It’s funny how Sam’s music is based in rock, pop and R&B, but somehow incorporates everything all at once sometimes from each and every genre. I watch her write on her laptop and I think of a dancer, a pianist, a true performer. Somehow she listens to these songs that just scream out for everyone to leave her alone and she laughs, songs like The Summer Set’s ‘Fuck U Over’, which always makes me think what brings her attention to them. She always smiles when I ask her, shrugging and tells me, ‘Good beats, means something to someone, and I like it cuz I’m weird that way.’ I never really get a proper explanation of how she interprets the lyrics, she always tells me that her version may vary from even mine and for me to listen to them, I should figure out what message I get from it before I discuss the song with her. She always writes to some other artist’s songs, it’s either her own lyrics or music or personal stories.

Nobody ever gets a definitive answer when it comes to why she enjoys the music she does, but then again I have to keep in mind that she writes best when she listens to it. I have to admit that she even dances better if she’s allowed to have a half hour of dancing to it before her own music for any show or video or performance. She has a huge thing coming up in a month that she’s been rehearsing for, she’s been rehearsing non-stop since August and it happens on New Year’s Eve. She’s going to be part of the biggest special that happens every year, but that’s on top of the Christmas special she has the week before on ABC and it’s because she just wrapped up recording the last track two days ago. The tour doc put her on complete vocal rest for yesterday and most of today, translating it to only talking when absolutely necessary and she’s followed it for the most part. She’s been texting everyone when she wants to talk, not counting the comment to prove me right or the walkie conversation earlier. Granted, she seems to focus better when she listens to her favorite songs before she does anything that concerns her career and it includes interviews.

I walk up the back steps of the tour bus, smiling when I see her relaxing on the couch half asleep. I bend over and hug her, receiving the same greeting from her in return. “You made alive. Where is Nickoly?”

“Walkie everyone.”
She scoffs, rolling her eyes and does as I suggested. “Who has Nickoly and Zandrya?”

Mik, Li and Lil’ Man are with JC’s brother and mom. They’re so entirely engrossed in school and their friends, it’s actually reassuring. Mik is 17, Li is 15 and Lil’ Man just turned 13 about 2 months ago. We had a break in the tour for about three days to celebrate it covertly with him and our closest friends and families. He wanted a party just for us, something intimate and the following weekend had one just for his friends.

“I have them,” Lonnie responds, laughing after.

“No letting them drop in on this fan interview,” she orders.

“Hang them by their toenails from the ceiling fan, got it,” Big Mike answers, jokingly.

“If that’s what you call kid lock down, sure,” she laughs, more than aware that they’re joking.

A woman about 25 walks up the steps and she grins, hugging each of us. First JC, Aaron, myself, Sam, Chris, Justin and Hayley before sitting across from Sam and JC. We have Hayley until the third of December, then it’s off to do her own tour with her band. She pulls out a handheld video camera and places it on the table beside her to allow it to capture all of us and another to catch her reaction as well. “Are you Kailine?” Sam asks.

This woman is fighting back tears, excited to talk to Sam, my brother and myself. “Yes. Ohmygod, I’m so excited to meet you.” She wipes a tear from near her left cheek, her brown eyes twinkling.

Sam quickly shoots me a worried glance and redirects her attention to the fan, hoping she doesn’t go nutso. “I bet you are. How are you?”

“Better since I have time to talk to you and your tour mates. Thank you so much.”

Sam smiles. “You’re welcome, but it’s nothing really.”

“It is when you’re on her end of things, baby,” JC reminds her of when they met almost a decade earlier.

“Oh, yeah,” she sheepishly admits, lightly blushing. “So, what do you want to know, hon?”

“You have five children all between four and 17, how do you handle being world renown, a mom and a wife?”

“One thing and one day at a time when I can, enjoy the smaller priceless things in life and love those around me who love and help me as best as they can. It does include our security team.”

“Who’s your favorite family member other than your children?”

“Do I have to choose?” Sam whines.

“Yes.”
This fan is completely out of her gourd. “It’s a toss up between Nick and Alyssa and Aaron.”

“Does everyone have a nickname for you?”

“Yes.”

“What are they?”

We all look at each other and laugh. “That’s for us to know because it’s personal information, but if you follow us on Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook you might know.”
“If you weren’t on this tour, what would you be doing right now?”

We look at the small digital alarm clock on the nightstand in the back bedroom of the bus. “I’d be home with JC, getting ready to get the kids and probably on a cleaning spree. It drives him crazy.”

“Or we would be recording,” JC offers.

“I’d be recording with the rest of the Boys,” I offer.

“I’d be on the road with my band,” Hayley comments, smiling.

“I would most likely be terrorizing Sam, JC and their kids.”

Aaron would say some shit like that. “Probably be recording again,” Justin supplies.

“Being lazy,” Chris admits and the rest of his band agrees.

We burst into a fit of laughter. “If you weren’t a performer, what would you be doing?”

“Going to college and getting business, computer information systems and computer repair and programming degrees,” Sam rambles.

“Being a dad and husband,” JC confesses.

“I dunno,” Justin admits, scratching his head.

“Being lazy,” Chris laughs.

“Of course!” we all tease him.

“Maybe be a mechanic,” I suggest.

“Still living in Tennessee,” Hayley ponders with a gentle smile.

“We would still be in Cali,” Ernie comments for the rest of Nigels11.

“Being the annoying middle brother and finishing up college,” Aaron jokes.

Sam leans forward and looks at him. “You do the first part perfectly as is and I say that as your barely older than you cousin who wants to hurt you on a regular basis.”

He smirks. “Love you more, Bre.”

She rubs her middle finger on the bridge of her nose and he rubs his on his forehead. “The three of them do this all the time and I’m surprised Nick hasn’t joined in yet.”
“I have more fun arguing with you,” I retort.

He raises a single digit and opens his mouth, only to close it when his wife looks at him. “Not going there right now.”

“Why? She gave you the look?” I taunt him. His eyes tell me to go fuck off.

Sam laughs boisterously. “This is extremely mild, especially for them,” Sam announces, pointing at JC and myself. I give her the Carter Dead Eye. “Oooh, I’m so scared! I’m shaking in my sparkly space boots!”

“You just wait,” I warn her, a single digit pointed in her face.

“And now he joins in on the usual shit,” JC mutters.

“It’s so funny,” Hayley chortles.

“It’s nice not to be involved in it,” Justin and Chris agree.

“It does wear everyone’s nerves thin after awhile,” JC grumbles.

“We’ve been on the road for something like 6 months and it’s not getting to the rest of us.”

“Were you paying any attention when she was trying to get the last song done for the Christmas album she rushed to finish so it could be released next week?” JC points out for us and we all laugh, if you don’t count him.

‘You can do this, girl,’ I tell myself, pacing the backstage area for the Christmas special Josh and Cassie set up for me on ABC and shake my hands nervously.

Cassie takes one look at me and smiles, leaning on the wall. “You’ll nail it like you have everything else up to this point, even in your newfound condition.”

I snap my body around to look in her eyes. “Thanks. At least I get to sit on my ass for most of it.”

She giggles. “True, and the real question is when you plan on telling your fans?”

I plop onto the foot rest by the chair, my shoulders slumping and I drop my head into my hands. “Well, I’m about five in and the tour ends in six if we don’t take a break between the States and overseas, but we’d have to call a meeting to see what everyone says.” I lift my head and rub my palms on my jean clad thighs.

“So you want to push to have it done a month or two before you have this planned shocker,” she observes with a raised eyebrow.

“Sounded better in my head.”

“It seems that since you’ve been with Josh that any time you score, you wait till it’s nearly too late to even tell anyone except me.”

I look away from her. “So, what about those Lightening players?”

“When are you telling him?”

“I dunno. Do you think he’d be mad?”

“I think he’d be thrilled and worried about you touring near the end of it.”

“Would Nick be mad if he doesn’t find out as early like last time?”

“They knew when I did cuz we were on tour!” I argue.

“What about when we toured together before?” Nick asks, bringing my attention to himself and see Josh there as well.

I feel my face heat up and look away. Josh walks over to me and envelopes me in his arms. “Baby?” he questions, rubbing my stomach. I snap my head up to look in his eyes. “Thank you, mami,” he replies with, kissing me so lovingly and sweetly.

I pull away and eye him curiously. “How?”

“We’ve been together long enough so that I can just look at you and know something’s up, once in awhile I can figure it out.”

Nick’s head is darting back and forth between us, confusion etched into his features. “What in the fuck did I miss?”

Josh smiles at me and I return it. “Nothing you won’t know soon enough. How far?”

“Five.”

“Weeks?”

“Yes.”

Nick is now annoyed. “What about five weeks?”
“You’ll find out closer to the end of the tour.”

~*~A Couple Days Later, New Year’s Rehearsal~*~

Nick still hasn’t found out and he’s been pestering the three of us who know what it is. Everyone else is questioning us why Josh and I are grinning like robbers who just got away with grand larceny without evidence pointing in our direction. Aaron, Justin, Chris, Hayley and Nick have been pestering us for answers since Josh figured out the news. Kailey has been running around rearranging the schedule for all of us because of it coming to her attention, planning to be done by the middle of my 7th month.

I get up when Wade walks in and he smirks at me. “What in the hell is so funny?” I demand.

“Seems to happen on every tour now.”

“Fuck off!” I shout, flashing him the middle finger.

“You mad, bro?” he retorts, laughing.

I scrunch up my face and throw my balled up sweater at him, hitting him in the face. He jumps like a scared child, making him stop laughing like an ass and I take over with my hands on my abdomen. “You mad, bro?”

“Not funny,” he grumbles. “Get in position.”

I fluidly go through the routine, seeing as we’ve been working on it for the past month or two and he is way too pleased. “What now?”

“Just that come next year, you’ll have to relearn all of this again.”

“Go find your on call girl.” My entire crew of back up dancers cachinnates and I smirk at my success.

“She can piss you off and make everyone else laugh at the same damn time, making her my favorite out of all the women JC’s ever been with,” Justin comments, chuckling.

“Why, thank ya,” I comment from the floor, having laughed at his comment to Wade.

Justin reaches his hand out for me, helping me off the floor and pulls me to my feet. “No problem. He was being a dick and deserved it.”

“If only you knew what he was busting my balls about.”

“I have an idea,” he comments, his fingers brushing my stomach and his eyes locked on mine.

I sit in the upper lounge with Sam and JC, watching them laying down and it dawns on me. His hands are always on her stomach, she is eating much better (she won’t even eat more than a candy bar every few days) and the smell of alcohol makes her queasy. Those things all mean one thing because they acted the same when she found out last time and I jump out of my seat on the couch, pointing at them, feeling like Sherlock Holmes. I must’ve gasped really loud, according to the expression on everyone’s faces and I planned on just pulling them aside to ask. I text them and they look at each other, trading phones. “Surprised I added it all up?” I ask them.

She texts me back, a determined look on her face. ‘Who smacked you with the Einstein branch?’

What a bitch! ‘So you are!’

‘I will neither confirm nor deny anything.’

She usually reverses ‘confirm’ and ‘deny’, the latter coming first. ‘I know it, you normally put deny first,’ I reply with, smirking evilly.

JC drops his head onto the bottom of her ribs; Sam face palming herself and her phone drops on her face which makes me laugh. “Fuck off, Splat!” she screams, pointing at me and her other hand is holding onto her nose.

“You love me and now I know your secret. I should tell Nick.”

“You do and I will ensure the rest of the tour is hell for you,” she promises.

“All of six months?” I scoff.

“I promise you’ll not wanna talk to me for a couple weeks and then by the time you get over being so mad, you might be able to be involved just in time,” she retorts as she stands, hands on her hips and Justin’s face when he’d been done explaining the meaning of ‘It’s Gonna Be Me’ for the making of the video for it.

Justin looks at her and groans. “Stop doing my faces!” he jokes.

“Justin, I know what they’re not telling us,” I tell him.

“Save your breath; JC told me when we got drunk after her Christmas Special.”

I smirk, waving him over to me. He slings an arm over my shoulder and we turn away from them, Sam smacking JC with a pillow. “You told him?” she growls.

“If I did, I don’t remember,” he replies. “Ass muncher.”

The last two words were meant for Justin. “She’s pregnant,” I whisper.

“Yup, about two months and they might postpone the rest of the tour until after she has it.”

“Says who?!” I scream.

“Says JC, he doesn’t want her getting injured while pregnant.”

“Touring is always risking an injury.”

“Yeah, and you know he gets when she is.”

“But, we also know how she gets.”

“She is the ‘the show must go on’ type.”

“Yeah, which is why Kailey is trying to squeeze more dates in closer than they were originally.”

“To finish this tour faster to have more time at home before the baby comes.”

“I say we tell her to postpone till next year or the one after.”

Justin’s worried for her. “Why postpone what for that long?” my brother demands.

“Just some plans,” Justin covers, looking guilty as fuck.

Nick walks away, flicking his wrist at us. “I already know the big secret Sam and JC have going on, they suck at making sure there aren’t any eavesdroppers.”

We all look at them. “I wanted to make sure nobody could hear us and you said not to. Now you see why?” JC observes, motioning to Nick and Sam sits on the bed, her laughter rings loud in our ears.

“Alright, fine,” she agrees to whatever JC’s whispering in her ear, her hands in a ‘wait’ position. She eyes each one of us. “What do you think it is? Aaron, you don’t count.”

I flop back onto the couch and fold my arms as I fall backwards. “Hmmph!”

“Oh, you’re such a baby,” she snidely remarks, her face scrunched up in annoyance. “Justin?”

“You’re pregnant.”

“Nick.”

“Looks about two months.”

“How the hell?” she and Justin shout.

“You’ve been turning your nose up to quite a few things you usually enjoy-“

“*Cough,Mary,cough*,” Justin remarks.

“And alcohol has made you want to puke every single time you smell even the smallest bit of it.”

“So? Maybe I don’t wanna do that now.”

“Or maybe you are two months pregnant, considering you’ve been doing it since the week after you dyed your hair to pay tribute to Jessica Rabbit.”

She storms out of the room, returning with an armful of ball pit balls and whipping them at Nick and Justin. Now I’m glad she had told me I don’t get to say anything, none of them are being whipped at me and watch the three of them having an all out ball pit ball war. I pull out my iPhone 11C and begin recording. “So, Bre, why are you so mad at Justin and Nick?”

“They figured it out.”

“Figured what out?”

“That I’m pregnant.”

“How pregnant?”

In the video, you can clearly see her popping up from behind the loveseat she’d pulled from the wall and is using as a barricade to protect herself to whip balls at the other two involved, JC’s in the background shaking his head. He begins crawling under the crossfire, Sam hitting him with balls and he curls into the fetal position. “Big mouth!”

“Sorry! I was drunk and told him you’re two months along!”

“You do fucking remember!”

“Only according to what Justin said.” He’s covering his head and Nick hits her with a green one, smirking.

“Bull’s eye!”

“You gon get it!” she yells back at Nick, whipping a yellow one and hitting him between the eyes as he celebrates his victory. “Mad, bro?” she retorts, ducking behind the loveseat again.

“You just hit me in the face!”

“Now it’s on!” Justin growls, whipping about 5 balls at her back to back.

I lean to the side and notice she has ¾ of a pack of the ball pit balls beside her, making it 375 total. She has on a long empire style shirt that she uses as a dress or a long night shirt, she uses the bottom of it as a way to hold a bunch of the balls and begins whipping them at the opposing ‘team’ mercilessly. She’s grunting and I sit back up, catching JC crawling toward my place on the couch. “Are you seriously taping this?”

“Yup, it’s going on my Twitter later.”

“Wait till she announces it.”

“No way. Either that or Facebook.”
“Facebook, it gives you the option of who can view it.”

“It’d be on my private page.”

“That’s fine.”

She’s in costume, pacing as she practices her scales and shakes her hands as she does this. It’s routine for her, something to help her practice and she keeps hitting that high E over C like it’s second nature for her now. She’s singing random parts of songs, aware that other than her backup dancers she’s alone on that stage for two songs during different parts of the show. She’s going to perform ‘Kiss Me At Midnight’ at the end of it. She turns to head for the stage, getting her DC shoes on and zips up her fuzzy sweater. JC grabs her and steals a kiss from her, allowing her to suck on his bottom lip. “Wish me luck.”

“Knock ‘em dead.”

“You bet I will cuz I’m feeling like rocking it hardcore,” she announces happily.

He allows her to get onto the stage and gets through her first song, dancing her ass off and making the audience cheer and sing with her.

She and JC are up on the stage, announcing that there’s exactly 15 seconds before the ball drops. “I can’t wait to begin another year with a kiss from you,” he tells everyone.

“Same here,” she replies, smiling at him. They start counting down and everyone shouts ‘Happy New Year’, the two of them sharing a kiss before he leaves the stage to allow her to tear it up with ‘Kiss Me At Midnight’.

She raises the mic to her mouth and smiles at the audience. She was smiling because of the second ever reunion is about to happen. “I know that everyone went haywire when they reunited in 2013 and now, I’m making it happen yet again. But, I’m not sure they’re all here yet, so I’m going to start without them and I bet they’ll join me soon enough.”

The crowd cheers and she hands off the mic to a stage hand. She turns to face away from the crowd, taking position and the whole group walk onto stage with hoods up to cover their heads. She looks at them and they all smile, the crowd murmuring about the appearance. Quicker than I could imagine, they begin dancing to the song and they harmonize so well. Sam is the first to turn around, each of the guys turning as she counts down.

Kiss me at midnight
(5...)

Chris turns around, singing with her.
hey yeah...
(4...)

Joey turns to face everyone, his voice blending with theirs.
oh...
(3, 2, 1!)

Justin, Lance and JC all turn one right after the other, immediately joining the other three on the stage in singing and dancing.
Kiss me at midnight
Dance until the morning light
Party into the New Year
All of my friends are here
And when the timing's right
Kiss me at midnight


Kiss...

I've been waiting for the special night
To be with you
The colors of Christmas are still shining bright
And I know what we're gonna do
Anticipating, music is playing
The magic is in the air
All through the season
You've been the reason
I have so much love to share

Kiss me at midnight
Dance until the morning light
Party into the New Year
All of my friends are here
And when the timing's right
Kiss me at midnight

Kiss...
Kiss me at midnight
Kiss...

We've been making promises in the dark
Our resolutions
As a brand new year is about to start
And we're together.
Celebrating, no more waiting
Our time has arrived
The beat in my heart
As the countdown starts
Just look into my eyes
Kiss me at midnight
Dance until the morning light
Party into the New Year
All of my friends are here
And when the timing's right
Kiss me at midnight

Baby, it's New Year's Eve
Time we can believe
In making wishes
Dreams come true
Just for me and you

[break]
Kiss me at midnight
Dance until the morning light
Party into the New Year
All of my friends are here
And when the timing's right
Kiss me at midnight

Kiss me at midnight
Dance until the morning light
Party into the New Year
All of my friends are here
And when the timing's right
Kiss me at midnight

[to fade]
Kiss me at midnight
Dance until the morning light
Party into the New Year
All of my friends....

She and JC hold onto each other and share a passionately kiss, the live audience and those watching this on television. Yes, we kept this whole thing planned and covertly executed for nearly 9 months when Johnny and Wade had proposed it, sure this might be the last time that the five of them will ever perform together again because of the agreement they had signed without her knowledge. He had gone to a meeting while she was still asleep in LA, before the tour venues had been finalized and Usher had even been on board with the idea. He and JC had agreed this would not only help her, but it would help her skyrocket to the top once more and when Usher had told her in Boston, she was so excited to have one of her favorite groups reunite while on stage with her and perform on something bigger than the VMAs.

I’m in yet another interview to promote the last leg of my tour, the same one that’s ending in four months and we’ve already done two months worth of touring here in Europe. We’ve gone to Japan, China, Mongolia, Laos, Thailand, Cambodia, India, Pakistan, Turkey, Ukraine, Finland, Poland, Sweden and Russia. I know we play a few countries in Africa to play this month and we played Germany in three cities, but most of the smaller countries had two shows each to ensure more fans could attend. Africa will take us about a month to perform in, considering we’re playing in each country within the continent and that will leave three months for the eastern part of Europe. There are 26 countries, each having two or three shows in different cities and we will be playing three more cities in Germany because we didn’t play the bigger cities yet. We have to pay our respect to Frankfurt, Munich and Berlin for giving Nick, Aaron and Josh their big jump starts. They’re more excited about going to those three cities in Germany than I am, I must admit that I’m excited for them and hopefully this tour is over soon.

I’m talking with someone from a French magazine, considering we’re playing in Paris, Lyon and Lourdes in a month once we get through Africa. Tonight is the first show in Africa and we play one show per country, but we originally planned on two per country and then we found out I’m pregnant. “Hello, Lil’ Breanna,” the slightly younger French woman greets me, her accent heavy.

I smile and stand to greet her according to her custom. “You must be Michaline, no?” I had picked up their customs easily when I had first visited there a few years ago.

“Oui, je suis Michaline. J'avais été informé par votre gestionnaire que vous n'avez pas été à la hauteur ces derniers temps. Etes-vous sûr que vous voulez toujours faire cette interview?”

Ok, quick translation is that Usher had told her that I haven’t been feeling great and if I still want to go forward with this interview. “Bien sûr, c'est pour mes fans et je veux qu'ils sachent que je ne me sens pas bien ces derniers temps.”

I told her that I was sure about doing the interview for the fans to inform them of why I haven’t been feeling too good. “Would English be easier for you?”

I smile and nod. “Much easier and I know you speak it very well, seeing as I know you’re at least bilingual.”
“You know quite a bit about our culture,” she observes, interested in my knowledge of her country’s cultures and how I came to know about it.

“I took French form 8th grade until my second to last year in high school.”

“Ah! Explains that. How are you feeling today?”

“I’m doing good today, just a little tired. I’m excited to get to France in barely over a month.”
“I bet, seeing as you’re of French heritage.”

“Then we have a few dates in Canada and I’m not going to be able to perform like I normally do by then.”

“Why won’t you be able to?”

“I’ll be six and a half months along by that point and we have two weeks to get from the eastern side of the country to the western, ending with two shows in Alaska.”

Her jaw drops and a smile creeps across her face, her eyes lighting up with joy and excitement. “You’re enceinte right now?”

“Yes, about 2 ½ months at the moment and I don’t begin to show until around six or seven months unless it’s twins.”

“Then you begin to show around month three or four,” she recalls, laughing.

“Yes,” I confirm, laughing with her. “We’ve already had the diagnostic ultrasound and there is only one, considering we did it without any fertility assistance.”

“How is JC taking it? Nick? Aaron? The rest of your co-headliners?”

“Nick, JC, Aaron and Justin are the only ones who know so far. I’m nervous to tell the rest of my tour mates.”

“I’m sure Chris and his band will laugh, claiming tour must be your most fertile time.”

I chuckle lightly and nod. “Maybe so, but I’m still weary about it.” I spot Chris and call him into the room.

“What’s up, shorty? I love calling someone shorty and not being the shortest one around.”

“Can you promise you won’t be mad?”

“Is it bad news?”

“No, it’s good news and it’ll explain why the tour is rushed the rest of the way through and we plan on ending it a couple months earlier than originally scheduled.”
“Oh, wait! Lemme guess… You’re pregnant.”

I gasp. “How did you find out?”

His eyes dart around the room. “You’re being serious?”

“Yeah.”

“You really are?”

“Two and a half in.”

He smacks himself in the face, blowing out a breath. “That explains why JC has been rubbing your stomach all the time and why you eat better than usual. Congrats! Can I rub and talk to the baby?”

Michaline looks confused. “How does he rub the baby while you’re pregnant?”

“Yes, Chris, you can,” I laugh, my focus turned to Michaline. “He’ll show you.” I scoot to the edge of the seat and tuck the bottom of my shirt under my bust, smiling.

He rubs both sides of my barely there bump, kissing it just above the belly button and is smiling like a small child on Christmas morning when they get what they wanted. “Hey, tiny one, I’m your Uncle Chris. I’m going to be the one to make you laugh and feel better after a bad day. I’m always going to be there for you like I have been for your parents, brothers and sisters. I love you, tiny one.”

“Aww,” she coos, tearing up as she listens to him talk to the little life in me and I smile.

Chris hugs my middle, gets up and hugs me like he usually does. “I’m not too surprised, but I get it. I know you want the other five there to meet this one.”

“And-“

“Hey, girl!”

I watch Chris back up, knowing I would jump up at the sound of her voice and I do just what he knows I would. “Dawn!”

She curiously looks at my shirt, putting two and two together. “You aren’t.”

“I am,” I reply, nodding.

“Oh my God! I’m so excited! Is that why Nick, Aaron and Josh bribed me to be your assistant for the rest of the tour?”

“They did what?” I growl.

“Bribed me into being your assistant,” she repeats, hands on her hips and very annoyed.

I stride over to the door. “Excuse me, Michaline, I’ll be right back.” I walk into the hallway and scream for the three who had bribed my best friend to be here.

“Yeah, baby?” Josh asks, cautiously approaching and greeting me. He knows I’m upset by my stance alone-my right foot rapidly tapping on the floor and my arms crossed.

I push the door open as Aaron and Nick join him, motioning to Dawn. “Explain why you bribed her to be here.”

“You said you wanted to hang out with her.”

“Because of your condition,” Nick says, his eyes darting between Dawn, my stomach, Chris and myself.

“He knows and Michaline knows, she will be printing it in France so that the fans there and in Canada will know.”

“We don’t want you to overexert yourself on the tour, considering that you’re pregnant with my baby cousin,” Aaron defends his decision, folding his arms.

‘We’ sounds more like ‘Aaron doesn’t me to overexert myself, just because I’m pregnant with his baby cousin’ and Nick’s reaction confirms my translation. Oh, the reaction? He drops his head in a guilty and remorseful way, a look of ‘I will kill you’ in his eyes and the sound of annoyance and anger over what his younger idiot brother said just now. Having as much time to get know them and bond with them all, I know how to read them far too well now and it does creep them out from time to time. Nick’s eyes stay locked to his brother’s, but his arm rises to point a finger at me. “Stop doing that, Sam.”

I do it far too often and Nick can tell when I’m doing it, but he just brought it to my attention. “What?”

“Getting in our heads, you’re doing it right now and you know what I’m going to do,” Nick says.

I drop my head for a moment and leave the room. It’s a habit cuz I’ve done it all my life, subconsciously. Nick can also read me better and I can tell when he’s doing it to me. I walk right into Justin, his attention on his phone. “Ummph! Sorry, Sam,” he verbalizes.

I shake my head and smile at him. “It’s alright, I should’ve been paying attention.”

“It’s something else,” he observes.

“Nope,” I deny.

“It’s probably just you wondering why the tour was shortened,” he forces himself to believe.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“It’s probably to record and relax a year before we record together again,” he attempts to deduce somewhat coolly.

“If you say so,” I huffily comment, turning away to hide my smile at his stupidity by now realizing there’s some huge secret that a few have figured out other than the original two.

She thinks I don’t know why the tour is shortened and that she might be naïve enough to believe my false belief. She doesn’t even consider that I may have been the one to tell JC something was up, making him remember the pregnancy with the twins and all her behaviors during that time and he pretty much told me that she’s pregnant.

I walk over to where Nick and Aaron are. "You're imagining it," Aaron defends.

I look at JC and he shrugs at me, motioning Sam knows her younger cousin is being completely overprotective of the pregnancy which I smirk about. "Wow, Aaron, protective much?" I tease and both Carters jump, glancing over their shoulders at lightening speed and she turns ghost white prior to blushing. Her eyes connect with mine and she blushes harder, sliding the hand that had been over her heart down to her slightly bloated abdomen. "Congrats on the next addition to the family, B," I comment, waving over my shoulder in a nonchalant way as I walk to our backstage entertainment room. She will follow in time, she always does.

"Who told him what exactly?" I hear her demand.

"Nothing!" I hear the other three guys tell her, JC remaining silent

"He pointed it out for me to realize we're having another baby," he shouts, defending himself after she undoubtedly glares at him. I'd do the same and you wouldn't understand why until you received one of her glares. I swear, that woman could breed fear in you that even you didn't know existed until then with

just a look. She gets into my head better than my mom or Miss Sadie could ever dream of and I thought they were far too good at it! It's creepy and frightening at the same time.

"And I'm supposed to believe that?" I hear her comment on the way down the hall.

I watch Tiny, Big Mike, Lonnie and Johnny get up. The bickering gets closer and I get comfortable, casually picking the dirt from under my nails. I mentally chortle, knowing how she fights with both of her cousins and JC (which can be amusing, usually when it doesn't involve me). "-ally pointed it out to me and that's when I figured it out, so he knew before us."

JC, you're such a rat! What a dick. Fuck. If I read the look she just fired right at me, she's about to storm out silently or throw random things at me and scream at the top of her lungs. This is now the third time she and the guys have had the 'who on this tour knows about Sam being pregnant' argument. The first one was two weeks ago, the second one just under a week ago and then there's today's. She just now caught on that I know of. "Justin?" I slowly allow my eyes to meet with hers. "Céard atá ar eolas agat agus cé chomh fada a bhfuil aithne agat?"

I raise an eyebrow and shrug. "Three months, one baby and the tour was shortened so you wouldn't risk injury during the pregnancy or to yourself."

She groans. "Tá tú pian i mo thóin fucking, Curly," she mutters, covering her face by lifting the collar of her thermal shirt. The only part of her head we can see is her hair as she whines.

JC walks over to her, pulling her to the front of his body and kisses her head. "Baby, calm down. It's gonna be alright and we will be home with a month to spare. Zandry and Koly are denying they're going to be older siblings; our older three excited about the baby," JC coos to her softly.

"We've gone over this three times now and you get the same answer every single time, he told me when he was drunk because I pointed out your habits and they're the same as when you were carrying Koly and Zandrya," I impatiently remind her, cradling my head in my hand and looking at the floor, an annoyed sigh escaping me.

She stays silent, most likely either confused or trying to recall the first two times. Just so you can understand why we go over who knows she's pregnant

every week or two, it's due to her shitty memory when she's expecting and it starts around now.

I become such an airhead when I'm pregnant, but it's due to the hormones and I look at Nick. "Sounds about right to me," he agrees with Justin.

"Sorry, Justin."

"I should be used to it by now, between your pregnancy and Jessica's."

"And Cassie's," I remind him.

"Cassie has an elephant's memory no matter what, making her irrelevant to this whole discussion."

I shrug and leave the room, typing a note to myself on my Windows 13 phone and save it to recall that Justin has known since before I had announced it to even Josh. I call mom and smile, thinking of how to surprise her about the baby. "Hi, honey," she greets me.

My smile grows and I walk into my dressing room. "I miss you, ma."

"I miss you, too. I love you."

"Love you more. What if I buy you a plane ticket to see us in Ireland?"

"Are you sure?"

"I got it and you deserve it, I'm able to get you VIP status for the show as well."

"Did you confirm it with your management team?"

Cassie walks in and I mouth my mom coming to see us in Ireland, VIP access and all, which she gives me a thumbs up for. I mouth my thanks, Cassie waving it off. She motions a pregnant abdomen and I nod, her eyes getting wide. "Management told me it's fine for everything," I assure her.

Cassie holds her hand out for my phone and I give it to her. "Vikki, it's Cassie. Yes, you have the same access as she does. I'll even set it up. You remember

Lonnie, right? Ok, good. He's going to be the member of security to pick you up from the airport in Ireland and bring you to the arena. Yes, you will have the itinerary three days in advance. I'll make sure to email it to your Yahoo mailbox. You're welcome, Vikki. Here's your little grown up girl."

She holds out my cell and I take it from her, hugging her tightly and gratefully. I appreciate her going out of her way for my mom and I. She's been absolutely amazing to us since I've known her and I couldn't ask for a better friend and manager. She handles everything that has to do with my career, Usher cuts the checks to pay everyone and Josh co-handles me while writing and producing for me. Fatima has been a mind blowing and patient choreographer. This whole experience has been great.

Wade? I had to relieve him of his dance routine duties. I had a feeling he was attempting to get me in bed with him when he would try to stand behind me, far too close for comfort and I punched him in his face. Usher and Johnny grilled me in a meeting with Wade and his black eye, laughing when I looked at him after they pointed at his face. I tried like hell not to hit the floor, dying of laughter and lost after 15 seconds. Usher thought I'd lost my damn mind, but once Cassie explained what happened and what I'd done in the heat of the moment is when Wade was told to go home. Best part is that Cassie has it on video. Johnny and Usher held it together until he sped off the premises, then died laughing as well. "See?" I force out between chuckles, holding my sides.

"Wipe your face, Playette," Usher tells me, calming down from his hysterics.

Johnny wipes his face, sighing and looks at me before shaking his head. "You are more of a handful than the two groups and Aaron combined. Somehow, you're more amusing, though."

"With less backlash, might I add," I defend myself and they glance at one another and back at me before agreeing.

"No argument there."

"Of course not!" I shout.

"This is why you're Playette," Usher points out.

"You two don't get along like normal acts and managers, you get along like friends," Johnny observes with a grin.

"It's not my fault she can sing any song I've ever done and put me to shame all around, she even performs them better than I ever could," Usher confesses, giggles erupting from me as I sit at the table.

"Understandable. Who would you want to work with now that you're out of a choreographer?"

I consider this and smile, recalling someone Nick had said whipped him right into shape when he and The Boys first started. "Is Fatima still an option?"

"You want to pull Fatima Robinson out of her retirement?" Johnny and Usher say at the same exact time, shock taking over their minds and features.

"Sure, I'll give her 2 1/2 times what she got to help The Boys," I barter, aware Cassie could make it happen.

"I'm not sure that's entirely possible," Johnny claims, not knowing what Cassie could do.

"What aren't you sure of being possible?" my wonderful co-manager asks, entering the room.

"Getting Fatima to jump aboard as her choreographer," Usher informs her.

She glances at me and I signal 2 1/2, a broad smile encompassing her face. "I bet I could make it happen." She pulls her phone out and dials a number, smiling. "How are you doing? That's good. Yes, I'm redeeming that favor in place of the five you owe. See, JC's wife, Sam. Yes, her. Oh, you have? Oh, right. Well, he was, but he pushed personal boundaries and he has been relieved. I was wondering if you would be willing to choreograph her current tour, which she's willing to help you with the current routines, and any future tours and videos for her and JC?" She faces me and smiles, flashing a thumbs up. "She's willing to compensate with 2 1/2 times what you made when you choreographed for The Boys. How soon would you be able to make it?" She smiles as big as she had when she found out she and Nick were pregnant both times. "See you tomorrow morning at five." She turns to look at Usher and Johnny, their jaws on the floor and she waves her phone. "What about not being able to get her out of retirement?"

"How did you get her to agree?"

"She owed me some favors and the monetary compensation, plus getting to work on this tour and the rest of Sam and JC's tours convinced her. She enjoys working with Sam."

"Why didn't you call?" Johnny demands from me.

I shrug. "Isn't that a manager's job?"

He and Usher shake their heads, both smiling. "Touché, Playette," Usher comments.

It's now the day we land in Ireland and Lonnie stays behind at the airport to make sure my mom gets to me safely, considering that our fans know who she and the kids are and each time I have a get together like this set up is when I ask Lonnie for a favor. Lonnie won't tell me no, considering I'm just barely beginning to show. "When are you due again, little one?" Big Mike asks.

It's now November 17. Chris' birthday had been a calm get together and the kids had to go back to school two days after. They were all excited and they asked when we would be home, curious about whether we'd be back before it was time for the baby to come. We assured them we would be home a month or two before I was due. Josh and I head to the doctor's office in Dublin, calling on the way. Josh is letting me drive and he's scared of the other idiots on the road, not my driving skills due to this white shit on the roads. "Yes, this is Joshua Chasez and we have an appointment at 9:45 this morning. We are about fifteen minutes away. Our flight just came into town half an hour ago, I'm aware my wife and I will be early. Yes, Samantha Chasez is the patient. Thank you. Good-bye." I giggle. "What?" he demands, wanting to know why I laughed.

I feel the car jump forward, my head hitting the steering wheel and Josh's slams on the dashboard. My head bounces off the window and I hear the sound of glass cracking, everything going black from the pain overtaking my body.

Can the two of them just have a few years between one problem and another? She's had no luck and it's been one thing after another since Demitryus got sick. It's either been a fight with JC, someone getting sick, fighting with the record label, getting pregnant on tour again, and now this. We race to the hospital in the bus, her mom and Lonnie arriving just minutes before. Kenny rushing to the nearest ER, every one of us worried and scared out of our minds. Her mom is a train wreck. She's pacing from one end of the bus to the other, muttering that she should've stayed home because she had a feeling something like this would happen. I hang my head, holding it with both hands and begin to worry about the three lives hanging in the balance. "Vikki, it's not your fault that the jackass that rear ended them put them in the hospital," I tell her, pissed off at the douchebag who hit their car.

"But if I-" she begins before I cut her off.

"Stop it now," I demand, pointing at the floor of the bus. "You know as well as everyone else on the tour that you are not responsible for the car crash! It could've happened to any of us and I know for a fact that if she's the Sam we both know, she will be just fine. She's a fighter like you," I ramble, pulling Vikki into a warm embrace.

Once we arrive at the hospital, Vikki and I race off to find out where one of my cousins and her husband are located. We dart for the front desk, hoping this can help us find them. They were on the way here for their ultrasound and some asshole rear ended the car they were renting. "Joshua and Samantha Chasez, do you know where they are?" I demand, not giving the guy behind the counter a chance to do more than look at us and open his mouth once I come to a dead stop by bracing the counter.

"He's fine, just some minor injuries and she's in emergency surgery. She's been touch and go since she arrived."

"How do you know?" Vikki growls.

"The doctor that's taking care of her is my husband. It helps that I was informed that a Nick Carter and an Aaron Carter called and told us their whole tour crew would be here within an hour after they called the cousin her husband indicated. He does have a broken leg, fractured ribs and road rash on his upper body. He just allowed them to get a close look at him."

I put a hand up to signal Vikki to let it go. I smile warmly. "Thanks, but where are they?" I ask.

"We're worried sick," Aaron adds.

"They're two of our best friends," Chris contributes.

"If we lost one, the other would be a train wreck and we can't even begin to understand how to help the other cope," Justin explains.

"Especially if he loses her, it's worse than that because he truly loves her and does everything just to be there for her and have her do the same. They're there for each other because they love one another so much, they're raising five kids together," Vikki pours out her heart about them.

The black haired guy looks at me and I reply silently, a text from JC coming in when I shake my head no. "Which room? How do we get there?"

"ER room 15; just go down the hallway to your left and go through the doors at the end. I'll page her doctor and he'll be waiting just outside."

"Thanks!" I reply, leading everyone there.

I open the text from JC and read it, passing it to my brother as I run top speed for the door in front of me. "25/75 chance of surviving, but Sam should be just fine. JC has minor injuries."

"Et le bébé?" Cassie asks.

"Vingt-cinq pour cent de chances de survie," I reiterate.

"Et la maman?"

"Seventy-five percent survival."

"Meaning le bébé will a miracle if il parvient à survivre," Aaron sums up, hoping for the best.

"Ditto," everybody other than Vikki agrees.

"What are you talking about?" Vikki asks.

"Just how Sam is doing," Cassie covers for us, catching up to me and glares at me.

I nod quickly, agreeing. "She better pull through or I'll bring her back from the dead just to kill her," Vikki threatens.

"She's going to be fine," I argue.

I spot the doctor. "Dr. Hutcherson?"

"You must be Nick, Aaron, Vikki, Jaylyn,-" he begins, Cassie stops him to get to the point.

"Yes, I'm sure you know our names, but we're more concerned about our two friends than pleasantries."

"My apologies. Right this way. He's stable with a few fractures and broken bones. She's just gotten out of emergency surgery, we had to reinflate her left lung and remove a metal pole from her right shoulder. Her right hand is held together by metal plates and screws and poles. She has severe road rash from her shoulders down, she skidded over the road and came to a stop on the chain link fence about 250 feet away from the site when a second car hit them. Joshua was not only trying to get her off of the fence, but on the phone with emergency personnel. Her lip is split, she looks pretty banged up," he explains the entire time on the way up, my mind swirling with the information.

"Do you speak a second language?"

"Spanish and German," he confirms.

Cassie begins asking about the baby in Spanish, the expression on Vikki's face tells me she understood part of it. "Aaron, you take over in German, so Ikkivay doesn't know about the bopabopyop," I interrupt.

Cassie and my little brother nod, the younger of the two taking over the conversation. I understand the doctor say the baby has improved, earning itself a 80% survival rate. That's a really good sign. Sam has a 95% chance of survival and her prognosis is looking great. "That's great!" I exclaim, excited to hear those two are going to be fine.

"Keep in mind that she shouldn't do any extenuous activities for three to five weeks, considering her condition," he emphasizes for us on this tour.

"What condition?" Vikki asks.

"Her injuries," Chris fibs. Vikki nods, dropping the subject and believing it.

"She looks pretty bad, so expect her to look pretty beat up."

We enter the room and see JC sitting beside her on the bed, caressing her face with his uninjured hand. "Thanks for coming," JC softly addresses us. "They're saying she might have amnesia from as far back as when we left Africa until today, but it's a slim chance."

I sit beside her, Vikki and Aaron sitting by her feet. "Wake up, Sam." We're all trying to fight back tear and sobs.

It's been a few days since it happened, only leaving long enough to shower at the hotel and sometimes get a full night of sleep. The doctors come into the room and do an ultrasound on the baby. They take Sam's vitals as well. She moans, slowly moving her hand. "Owww," she complains, trying to touch her ribs to attempt to apply enough pressure to subside the pain like she's done before. "Is ma here?"

"She went to the hotel to sleep."

"Does she know?"

"Not yet. How are you feeling?"

"Achy all over," she groans.

"You got some major road rash, a shattered hand and who knows how many fractures. Oh, you had emergency surgery to repair your punctured lung and shattered hand."

"The baby?"

"Doing fine. Cassie rescheduled the remainder of the tour, we finish it in a year."

"Why so long?" she asks, wincing in pain when she adjusts herself to get comfortable.

I approach her bed and hand her the bed adjustment and call nurse remote, a thankful grimace appearing on her face. She takes the remote and adjusts the bed. "The label wants you to heal entirely from this and the baby."

"Thanks, Skuxx," she replies, a soft smile on her lips as her bed rising up the top of it with her body. Vikki calls my cell and I answer it, of course.

"Hey."

"How is she?"

"Hold on, someone here can explain it better to you." I pass it to Sam and she takes it.

"Hello?" She smiles. "When?" She has this this flash of pure excitement across her face, pain taking over a moment later. "Cool. No, it's alright. Yeah, I'm alright and I want to tell you something after a little while." Her hand rests on her belly. "I promise it's good news. Love you more, momma." She looks at me, handing me my phone back and relaxes a bit.

"What was that about?"

"Ma's gonna be here in a couple hours." I nod my head and sit down on the edge of the bed, Nick asleep on the hospital's convertible chair. She touches JC's unbroken hand with her cast covered one, calling his name. "Josh, wake up."

"Just a few more minutes," he sleepily grumbles and I cover my mouth with my hand, trying my hardest not to laugh. She tries to pinch him, but can't get her fingers to close enough. She motions for me to pinch him, which I oblige by reaching over her bed and roughly pinching the back of his uninjured hand. "Ow!" he exclaims, sitting up.

"Of course he gets up now." He looks at her, still in a sleepy fog. "Yeah, I'm awake, Joshua," she remarks, making a funny face when she says the last syllable of his name.

He hugs her as best as he can manage, trying not to hurt himself or her more than they already ache. "Do you remember anything from a few days ago?"

"We landed in Ireland, you called the hospital and I laughed. I remember everything before that, but it goes black after I laughed in the car. I remember excruciating pain after laughing, but nothing else."

That's better than not remembering anything a few weeks before, like the fact she's pregnant. The doctor knocks on the door and she tells him to answer. "It's good to be able to finally talk to you, Mrs. Chasez," Dr. Kaloni teases.

"I guess you could say I'm aware," she jokes.

"You still have your sense of humor," Chris retorts dryly, leaning on the door jamb.

"Stop being a sour puss," she warns him.

We decided to stay in Ireland, Sam quickly learning the traditions and ways around Belfast. She's come under the watchful eyes of these bikers, she was introduced to them by a close family friend who had moved here when she was a kid. She calls him Uncle Prospect and he has a black jacket vest with a grim reaper holding a scythe that he wears everywhere. He always whips around to face me every time when I try to catch him off guard, no time to read more than the word 'Sons'. It's been three years and the label agreed to push it back until she was entirely ready to go back on the road. "Unka 'Pect!" our four and a half year old daughter, Analeigh, screams and leaps into the other guy's arms.

His real name? "Hey, Pete," I greet him, his free arm loosely hugging me. If you've seen 'Sons of Anarchy', you should know the Jax character. Imagine Jax about the size of me and about half a foot taller, just a tiny bit more muscle. He has a goatee and shoulder length wavy blonde hair, green eyes over a sprinkle of freckles. "Ana, you been good, love?" he asks her, letting go of me and quickly striding into my kitchen.

"Uncle Prospect!" Sam shouts, Analeigh's feet rapidly pounding the floor toward me.

"You tell 'em what Kodi is?"

"No, not yet. Haven't even told him what you are outside a biker."

"Might as well, love."

I hear her loudly sigh. "Okay, okay, I'll tell him now." She takes in a deep breath. "Joshua, tar anseo."

"Ma wants me, honey," I tell my daughter, kissing her on the head. I walk into the kitchen, placing my hands on her hips. "Mami?"

"You know the show we watch about the biker gang?"

"The one with Ron Pearlman?" I ask, playing dumb.

"Yeah. Uncle Prospect is part of the Irish charter of it. Show him the back of it."

He turns his back to me and sure enough, it does say what I've been suspecting. I have to approach this cautiously. I lean back against the wall, folding my arms. "Am I supposed to be fine with this?"

"It's my mom's ex-boyfriend's brothers. Uncle Prospect came to visit when I was seven, the two of them working on the bike and he fought with Charlie to allow."

"I've watched her grow up, Samcro watching her since you moved her to Los Angeles and reporting back to me. None of the charters will go up against the blood of a founding member."

That explains the bikers all over the place. "Sam, is there anything else I should know?" Our son's cries answered by Pete.

"Did you realize that my mom also dated someone with ties to the Japanese charter?"

I hang my head, shaking it. "What if we're put in harm's way? Or we end up kidnapped?"

She swallows. "I've got fight training, martial arts training and I know how to use weapons."

"What if we have nothing around us? No saving grace? What then, Sam?"

"I know that Belfast can and will call in the Samcro chapter and any other one that's associated with them."

"What then? Let them deal with it? This is my family, too!"

"You take Nolan, aye?" Pete directs at Sam.

"Nay." She turns on her heel and faces me. "What are you so afraid of?"

"There's usually at least one bad apple in the bunch."

"Then trust her, Josh."

"Why should I?"

"She's been the glue, aye, the one to get us to be smart about everything."

I look between them, so confused that I can't tell which way's up. "Teach him."

"You sure, lass?"

"Aye, Uncle Prospect."

Next thing I know, I'm in our 1.3 acre backyard and I have a handgun shoved in my hands. "What the fuck?" I question, dropping the firearm onto our picnic table.

"You want to be the protector, aye, boy?" Pete questions.

"What man wouldn't want to protect his family?" I retort.

He grabs the gun and holds it against my chest. "Then ye need to learn to handle a firearm."

I shake my head, uncomfortable with the whole weapons in the house thing. "I'm not sure about it."

"Sam!" Pete yells out.

"Uncle Prospect, you watch the babies and I'll teach him. Aye?"

"Aye, darlin'," he agrees, heading inside.

They exchange a few words and she slugs him in the chest, shaking her head with a smirk on her lips. "What-?"

"He said you're a sissy pretty boy and that you will have to get used to some sort of self defense weapon. In simple terms, grow a set of balls."

"I'm not a sissy pretty boy!" I scream, grabbing the gun and aiming for a tree about 25 yards away, proving I'm a dead shot. "That felt good," I admit.

Sam dips into our shed and returns with a compound bow in hand and arrows on her back, attaching a guard onto her right forearm. She pulls her bandana out of her pocket, hurriedly folding it before tying it as a blindfold around her head. She takes aim, grabs an arrow, lines up, pulls it back and releases the arrow. It hits an inch above where my bullet had lodged itself. My jaw drops. She did that blindfolded! "That's how you can tell how good you truly are," she tells me, blindfold still covering her eyes.

"How can you tell where you hit?"

"I heard the edge of my arrowhead scrape the bullet you lodged in that tree."

"How long have you known how to use these weapons and why didn't you have any in the States?"

"I'm not allowed to have weapons bigger than my palm without permits because the feds more than know who I know and what I've been trained in."

"I still don't get it."

"I'm registered for all weapons here in Ireland, I have no limits here legally."

"Why?"

"The Irish Army and the Irish charters of SOA."

"Alright, I guess it makes sense now."

"We need to go into town and you need to meet the rest of this charter," she tells me, removing her blindfold and giving me a quick peck on the lips. "Don't worry, they're mostly like Uncle Prospect."

We drive the ten minutes down the road, about halfway to the club and I smirk, my cell ringing. It reads 'Jayson', a smile taking over my features. I swipe the screen, picking up to answer his phone call. "Jaycee, how ya been, boy?"

"Good. Ye on yer way with the other half?"

"Aye, be there in five. Midnight blue KIA Sorento."

"Aye, be safe."

I smile and Josh takes hold of my hand, intertwining our digits and putting the back of it to his lips to gently place a kiss there. "Josh, calm your nerves. Our brother was more relaxed than you are right now," I laugh, meaning Tyler.

"You brought him here before me?" he asks, surprised.

"Considering how skittish you can be, yeah."

He bobs his head back and forth for a few moments, shrugging. He probably understands. We pull up as Jayson and another club member open the gates, Jayson tapping the side of the vehicle. I stick my arm out my open window and flip him off. "One after me own 'art," he jokes, acting as if I'd swooned him.

I softly chuckle, parking and get out of the car. The guys quickly swarm me, giving me a long overdue "club hug". "You sacrifice yer cousins, then yer brother-in-law and now a new sacrifice," Leon comments.

I smack his chest. "They are not sacrifices, Leon; they're family."

"Who be this fella?"

"He's my husband, Josh. He's one of the reasons you dorks got to see me on the TV. Be nice, boys, aye?" I rattle off, giving each of them a serious look.

"Aye," each of them mutter, agreeing to be nice.

"Josh, tar anseo," I call to him. I mouth that he's an American and the guys roll their eyes in their sockets, my finger pointing to each of them in a warning manner. I hear him climb out, taking a deep breath.

He approaches me, holding onto my hips and kissing the side of my neck. "This be the one in the video Tyler gave us on that disc, the home movie," Jaycee observes, smirking.

"He's the one she kisses all the time, the guy who tackles her when they play football," Leon adds.

"The babies call him 'daddy'," Keller laughs. "He's family 'ere." Who's Keller? He's the president of this charter.

I grab Josh's hand and pull him along, following Keller and the guys. All the ladies involved with this charter are inside, the copy of our home movie playing and I smile. I hear the part where he had tackled me and he spins me to his body, our eyes meeting. "This isn't as bad as I thought it'd be," he quietly comments, brushing his lips against my own.

I'm tapped on the shoulder and look over it to find Gina there, whipping around to hug her lightening fast. "Gina!" I shout, both of hugging each other.

"It's been too long, love."

We ramble in Gaelic, laughing and Josh smiles. He can understand most of it, but bits and pieces leave him confused. "An bhfuil tú dearmad a dhéanamh ar rud éigin, grá?" he asks, kissing the side of my neck right behind my earlobe.

I shiver, smirking. "Níl go fóill, ní hamháin gotten a thabhairt duit go fóill. Foighne," I tell him.

"You taught him Gaelic?" she questions, excited.

I grin, his arms wrapping around me and he presses his body to the back of mine. "She did and I'm still learning, but since we've been together she's taught me a great deal of it."

"How long have you been eisiach chéile?"

"Maidir trí bliana déag agus seacht blessings," he replies, nothing in his voice other than pride and joy.

"Seacht? Seacht leanaí?" she demands, wondering if we're sane.

We both get a chuckle out of this. "Yes, my three from before him, who he adopted as his own and the four we've had together. Mikal, Aaliyah, Demitryus, Nickoly, Alexzandrya, Analeigh and Nolan. They all know who you are."

It's been about an hour and I get a call from Uncle Prospect, Josh answering it quickly. "What's up?" He listens intently, nodding. "Bring the kids here, if you

know how to set the seats up," he teases, laughing after. "See you in half. Thanks." His eyes fixate on my shirt, his hands covering his nipple area.

I look down and blush. "He's bringing the pump?"

"Yes, he's bringing all three baby bags, babe."

Mikal calls him next, rambling in Irish and confirms they have all the proper diaper bags, among other information. "See you soon, Mik. Yes, the club. Are all of you coming? What about his bike? Oh, alright. He has the van? That's fine. See you soon. Thanks, kiddo."

Ten minutes later, Uncle Prospect and the little army Josh and I have walk through the door, Demitryus announcing their arrival. "We're baaaaacccckkk!"

We all laugh, the women and the other members swarming around them. They're all commenting how the kids have grown. Mikal is 22, Aaliyah just turned 20 last month, Demitryus is turning 18 next month, the twins just turned 12, Analeigh is 4 1/2 and little bitty Nolan just hit the three month mark three days ago. Today is Josh's birthday and I figured that I should introduce him to the entire charter. "Well, 'appy birthday, Joshua," Uncle Prospect greets him, handing him a cooing Nolan.

"Thanks, Pete."

"Oh, man, it's his birthday, aye?" Jayson teases.

"No, you're not tormenting him on his birthday," I tell him, wagging a finger at all the guys in the club.

"And 'ow old is he now?"

"I'm 49," Josh announces.

They all begin to tease him, soon turning their focus to me. "You gonna be forty soon," Gina comments, almost certain of her observation.

"In January, aye," I confirm.

"Any more babies?"

"Maybe, they're just welcome surprises," he replies for me, kissing my lips.

The whole club playfully teases us, mostly that we've been together so long and still share some PDA moments from time to time. "You're all just jealous," I joke back, smirking.

"I 'ave yet to see her shoot this old thing, since she was last out 'ere a few years ago," Jayson comments, holding up my old compound bow and a quiver of arrows.

"She can still out shoot your sorry arse, boy," Uncle Prospect challenges him for me.

I shake my head. "Just had to start something, didn't you?" I laugh, seeding the smirk appear on Josh's face.

"I second Pete's confidence," my husband comments.

"Take it to the range out back, doll?"

My blood begins to boil, instantly annoyed and angry. "Doll?"

"You've done it now," Josh comments.

"Doll?" I repeat, slamming my hands on the table and pushing away to get to my feet.

"Get im, love!" Uncle Prospect encourages me, laughter present in his tone.

I grab the quiver and bow, placing them on my back and grabbing Jayson by his shirt, dragging the punk ass behind me to the shooting range behind the club. He's handed a quiver and bow. "Just to be fair to the lady," Leon tells him, laughing at the younger man's stupidity of having the balls to call me 'doll'.

Josh approaches the now 21 year old shithead, clapping a hand to his shoulder. "I can't call her doll and she's my wife. Don't call her that while she has her weapons; I've seen her make one of my security guards just about piss his pants using only a spring loaded pocket knife, an unbalanced one." He walks away laughing, Nolan in his arms. Gina is holding Analeigh, Uncle Prospect standing by one of the twins. AlexZandraya at his side and Nickoly next to Leon. Our older three walk out, standing between their father and Uncle Prospect with Gina positioned on the other side of my uncle because she's his old lady. They've been together for over 30 years, since I was a small child.

Leon abandons the crowd to blindfold me, having given me a few minutes to memorize where the targets are and I signal for Jayson to go first. I hear him shakily pull the arrow back and by the sound of it, it's in the second ring in on the left hand side. "That's your best?" I taunt. I blindly take aim, my arrow skimming his and then I take a shot at the bull's-eye. According to the club's hooting, hollering and cheers; I hit dead center.

"Told you boys she still 'as it, just like when she was a little girl," I hear Uncle Prospect brag, always sure of my abilities.

"I'll be the judge of that, Prez," Leon comments, Jayson taking another shot with his badly shaking and I allow him to use the remainder of his quiver. I have always had twice the amount of arrows in my quiver because I have the ultra lightweight and very thin arrows, it's how Gina and Uncle Prospect taught me.

"Get 'im, girl," Gina encourages, certain my competitive side would appear.

I grin deviously, entirely serious about treating this like an actual competition. Jayson has wooden arrows and I have lightweight metal ones, meaning mine can shred his. I heard where every arrow landed and with each arrow I release, he stutters as his split in two or four, are the same amount that are in complete disrepair.

His face is priceless when I pull the blindfold off, Josh and Uncle Prospect are chuckling between whispers and Gina is ready to burst at the seams with giggles at Jayson's defeat. "Cat got your tongue, boy?" I tease, holding my compound bow over my right shoulder as it dangles from my first two fingers and it lines up with my spine. Yeah, I'm a cocky bitch when I know I'm better at something than another person is and I have every right to be sometimes. I turn to Josh, switching my hips and get a quick kiss from him. "Oh, that reminds me! Cassie called and said that Jive is willing to co-sign me to Road Runner Records so I can release my crossover album from pop to rock, I'm tired of the bubblegum pop crap we were putting out before. You can always try it on, too."

"So that's the new sound I've heard from the basement and why it's taken so long to get approval for the album," he comments, smiling.

"Yeah, the execs agreed to it as long as I put a bubblegum album out at the same time. I also have an interview tomorrow with Marcus again."

"What time?"

"Around one, when Nolan and Analeigh are napping."

"This was confirmed when?" he demands.

"Five this morning."

He nods his head, slightly annoyed over it and it's more with Jive and RR Records than anything. "Of course it was," he scoffs.

"You make me wanna roll my window down," I belt out, Josh smiling, "and cruise. On the back roads."

"Brand new Chevy with a lift kit. I got my windows down and the radio up," he sings in response, chuckling. "Never gets old, mami," he tells me, kissing my forehead and Nolan sloppily kisses me on the cheek. Nolan looks like he's trying to eat my face more than he's attempting to give me a kiss.

I begin writing another song, three hours after she had put Jayson to shame in front of the entire club. The words clear to me, but the sound of it and the music a mystery when I hear her play a mind blowing riff on the electric guitar from the backroom, making me realize that I'm missing lyrics.

"This who I am

This what I feel

It's all about me..."

Those words fit perfectly, Jayson and Leon with her back there. I know Jayson plays drums and she says Leon can sing, but it's rock/screamo (which fits the sound she wants for her rock albums, according to what I've heard from our studio at the house). Now all I need is a title for this song.

Walking into the room they've occupied, I watch her and Leon jamming on the two guitars while Jayson slams out the music on the drums. They begin playing a faster song, Leon beginning and Jayson singing normally while Leon does his

screamo bits, her voice with more of an edge while still cleanly harmonizing with them.

"It's unknown what I am for the buyer

Have they cloned the American dream?

Stand in line for a higher desire

It's a crack in this mortal machine

I'm enhanced, a synthetical fire

I am a product of chaos and entropy

As the dust settles, I get tired

Failed destiny, facing liars

Let me know I'm the one, I am reborn in a cosmic fire

Will I die or return from my demise?

Is it already over?

Am I falling apart out of the dark

And into a fading white star?

Is it already over?

I'm descended from dreams

Unnatural light bright in my eyes

And that's why they call me transhuman

I've postponed the transformed revolution

It's a blue print with silicon seams

Step by step, I revoke the illusion

Of the force that's not meant to be seen

My revenge stands for words to inspire

Will humanity see what I need?

My adrenaline feeds my desire

To become an immortal machine

Failed destiny, facing liars

Let me know I'm the one, I am reborn in a cosmic fire

Will I die or return from my demise?

Is it already over?

Am I falling apart out of the dark

And into a fading white star?

Is it already over?

I'm descended from dreams

Unnatural light bright in my eyes

And that's why they call me transhuman

Is it already over?

Am I falling out of the dark

And into a fading white star?

Is it already over?

I'm descended from dreams

Unnatural light bright in my eyes

And that's why they call me transhuman..."

I blink, watching her do her final stance with her head down and her hands holding a fading note on the guitar as I deal with my surprise over seeing this for the first time. "That was beautiful, yet different from the music you've released before," I comment as I approach her.

Her head snaps up, shyly grinning. They look between each other, shrugging at the same moment. "It's an old song. From about 96 or 97ish," she explains, brushing it off and kissing me.

"You've performed together before?"

Leon shakes his head. "Not live other than here or at other clubs within the SOA family."

"What do you call this band?" I ask, stepping back by three paces.

They snigger. "We call ourselves Ostracized Cannibals," Jayson informs me.

I hand her the new set of lyrics I'd just finished and she shows her band mates, discussion quickly forming about the music to the words, a sound quickly being built for it. It's rock/metal, it sounding great and my head bobs to the beat with their vocals blending in as they quickly figure it out. They drill the words into their minds in under half an hour, her and Leon turning to face me and they perform it for me. My smile grows quickly, proud of how fast it all came together.

She bounces on her heels, her eyes questioning my thoughts on the music and melody, all three on edge. "Could you play me another one of your old songs, a softer one?"

They huddle, whispering. Her head shakes, refusing to play the one Leon wants and telling Jayson no in the same motion. She mentions one and the guys rock their heads, finally agreeing on one. "We call this 'Electroheart'," she intros it.

Keep in mind that Nolan and Analeigh have both been fed and are napping on the other end of the building, in one of the side rooms and I do have a baby monitor attached to my belt. They play a very catchy and soft song, following it up with another. I quickly figure out that it's called 'Invincible'. "I'm going to assume that the second song you dove right into is titled 'Invincible'. You played all three very well and they're catchy, very well done. I thought it was beautifully composed and your own songs are written and composed flawlessly. I wouldn't doubt that your first album would cause Road Runner to drop or pass you off, maybe to another record company like Warner or Virgin before you complete the recording process. What's the way you draw people in?"

"Either they Google our band name, her name or like the music we produce," Jayson simply explains. "Our band name is most searched due to how odd and weird it sounds, which is why we chose Ostracized Cannibals in the beginning."

I nod, understanding their reasoning. "Makes sense. Good plan. Do you have any funny songs?"

"Yeah, one. 'Dogs Like Socks' and it was inspired by my husky, Micha, playing with my old socks with us," Leon explains, grinning. "She passed away in 2011 and I keep her ashes in my china cabinet." The dog's name is pronounced Mee-sha, not Mike-ah.

~*~Three months later~*~

I walk into the basement studio to find Ostracized Cannibals tossing a hackey sack, a small blue tennis ball and a bean bag Sam had made back in seventh grade during home economics after school back and forth. "We need three more songs for the album and have six months before it's due for review at triple R, then I'm gonna have a year and a half to deal with the bgbs album."

What does 'bgbs' stand for? It stands for bubblegum bullshit, her pop album.

Leon double checks the dates. "We only have three months, love," he corrects her, their eyes quickly snapping to me.

I check my cell phone and nod. "Sorry to say, but he is right."

She instantly drops her head onto the back of the spinning office seat covering her face with both hands. "Fffuuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkk mmmmmeeeeeee!!!"

"What?" the three of us guys say unanimously, watching her.

"You guys need to quit doing that," she warns, dropping her hands and looking at us. "It means I've spent a year and and a half working on this damn album alone." She's annoyed at best, pointing at the recording equipment.

"Twenty-one months, including the past three that we've helped with all the recording," Jayson retorts, earning an evil eye from her.

Gina and Pete have the babies this weekend, giving us the time to complete it uninterrupted. I had just come back with coffee for all of us when I saw the back of her head and the three items being tossed back and forth between the three of themselves as they bounce ideas around. It's something they've always done. Pete and Gina confirmed that little factoid for me when I'd met everyone else.

Then I get a brilliant idea! "Why not add 'Invincible', 'Transhuman', 'Dogs Like Socks' and 'It's All About Me'?" I suggest.

"They're on there already," Leon groans, his head falling forward into his palms.

I put the coffees on the table in front of them and search through their song idea books, finding three without check marks in the corner of the pages. "Why not record 'Amaranthine', 'Leave Everything Behind' and 'Burn With Me'?" I point out, having scanned the lyrics and turning the notebooks toward them as I find they've huddled on the other end of the table with their drinks in hand.

Jayson and Leon eye her and she looks at them as to boast about being right about something. She glances over them and notes 'Leave Everything Behind' is one of hers; 'Burn With Me' is Jayson's; and Leon had penned 'Amaranthine'. She bites her bottom lip in thought and once she decides, writes the date beside a check mark, noting that it had been used for their debut. Leon and Jayson doing the same for theirs, Leon having taken the longest. "Trixa would be proud that you chose to allow the world to hear it," Sam assures him, resting her hand on his forearm after he agrees to add it to the album.

"Should we also put 'Automatic' on there as a hidden track, considering we know we want it on the sophomore release?" Jayson questions, making a valid point and proving they've discussed it previously.

They push their notebooks toward me. "Pick two more," Sam demands, her eyes begging.