He stopped loving her today

By jersey_tenn

He said I'll love you 'til I die
She told him you'll forget in time
As the years went slowly by
She still preyed upon his mind

It was each mile marker getting smaller and smaller, drawing near her destination and the air in the car became staler. She could feel it in her chest every time she drew in a deep breath; it was all she could do to keep herself from breaking down. The weight in her chest sat heavily atop her breasts, and her lungs tried to gasp through the pressure. She was sure that if she took her eyes off the rainy, hazy road and looked at her hands, she’d see the whiteness of her gripping knuckles and the tremor of her slender fingers.

The last time she’d driven these roads the backseat of her Honda had been loaded down with her belongings and her heart had lain shattered into a million shards in the passenger seat. It hadn’t been a rainy October day, but it could’ve been with the tears that’d poured from her eyes. She remembered the road being a complete blur and wondering how she’d driven away safely. He’d asked her to stay, but he promised to never make her stay.

If I’m the fool that blows the wind under your wings, then I’ll watch you soar, he’d said.

Her turnoff was coming up, and she contemplated driving through. Never stopping to turn and never turning back. But, how could she do that? How could she do that when every memory of those six years lived in her dreams and in her heart? She could never have missed her turn, with the large oak trees lining the roads leading in the small hometown. The homes on the outskirt of town hadn’t changed much in all the years that’d gone by since she’d left. But, the kids playing out in the yard were unfamiliar. The cars sitting in the driveways were modern, shiny, and new. The same playground with new coats of paint sat in the schoolyard.

She’d come back home to a home that wasn’t hers.

He kept her picture on his wall
Went half crazy now and then
He still loved her through it all
Hoping she'd come back again

It looked just like all the pictures he’d shown her. She’d been there for every pencil mark and every eraser mark. She remembered the hundreds of drafts that he’d drawn up over the years. Laying beneath the willow at his grandparents’ ranch, he’d explained every nook and corner of the house that he’d build for them to raise a family.

“You seem to have made all the decisions with me, will I have any say?” she argued.

Babygirl, I’m just building the house. You’re making the home. He was sweet. The sweetest man she’d ever had the fortune of knowing. And she had loved him with all her heart. And she’d married him right from the start and she’d made the house he built a home. But, her soul had grown wings.

And now, as she walked up the stone walkway with the key to the unfamiliar house, she couldn’t ignore the sensation of familiarity that coated her insides. Like second nature, she took each step up the porch to large wooden front door. The key turned smoothly in the lock, and the hand clicked with a small noise. She doesn’t remember breathing as she stepped through the doorway into the foyer, dropping the keys onto the table beside the door. It is what she imagined was his routine. Keys, mail, shoes, and beer…it gave her chills to think that after so many years she still knew him.

There were hardwood floors in every room that she could see from the entrance. Plush leather furniture sat in front of a large television that hung on the wall. Oak woods trimmed the walls and filled the living room and den. The dining room held a beautiful handmade oak table that sat six or eight people. Large windows would’ve blanketed the home in beautiful sunshine on a sunny day. But today, raindrops pelted the double-paned windows producing a soundtrack that matched the thumping of her heart.

Kept some letters by his bed
Dated 1962
He had underlined in red
Every single I love you

And it was the kitchen that finally broke her resolve. He’d thought her insane when she said she’d wanted the kitchen cabinets painted sky blue. The counters and floors matched the rest of the house. Wood beams stripped the ceiling all across the home. It was like a wooden cabin on the inside of a farmhouse. Copper pans and pots hung from shelves around the center island and a beautiful bay window overlooked what she imagined was the backyard. But the downpour didn’t let her see the view.

It was her kitchen. He’d given her the kitchen she’d talked about.

And it was then that she really started seeing the house for the home it was. It was the black appliances that she’d say they would have. It was the rustic feel she had hoped to bring to the home. It was the pumpkin spice candles that she spotted back in the foyer.

I went to see him just today
Oh but I didn't see no tears
All dressed up to go away
First time I'd seen him smile in years

Yesterday, she saw him. He was smiling. The crinkles at the corners of his eyes had drowned his beautiful blue eyes. His head had been thrown back mid-laugh, and his hands had clapped in excitement. At times, he’d laugh too hard and his laugh became nothing more than an escaped squeal. He’d worn his jeans low and his t-shirt under his leather jacket. He was going out. And he’d swapped flip flops for casual leather shoes. And those curls, they’d been perfectly curled at the nape of his neck. Clean shaven, the years had been erased from his face.

His face had been jovial, pleased, and excited. The way she remembered. He loved life and he embraced it to the fullest. He had two speeds – 0 and 100 mph. It was all he knew. And it was all she’d loved. But, she hadn’t told him that. She’d let him believe that she’d stopped loving him and that she’d have to leave. She was a coward.

And he was an angel.

He stopped loving her today
They placed a wreath upon his door

“Lily…honey, are you in here?” she was summoned from her place at the back door to the front foyer.

“Back here, mama!” she called back, not taking her eyes off the pictures on the wall. They lined the hallway down where she assumed a bedroom or bonus room was.

“I’m sorry…I thought I’d get here before you,” the older woman apologized as she came into view around the corner. She could see the younger woman wasn’t taking it all in all that great.

“I came early…I needed to do this on my own,” Lily explained, running her manicured fingers beneath her green eyes to catch runaway tears. There was a faint smile on her trembling lips, and the sparkle in her eye had dulled.

“Well…what do you think?”

“He looked great. They did great getting ready for the viewing,” she rambled something or the other about the outfit they’d dressed him in. The excess amount of makeup had made him way too pale. He would’ve looked at himself and laughed.

“Bruises had to be covered up, Lily,” Karen explained, and the gross reality of the highway accident condemned the air between them. “But, I was talking about the house.”

Silence. Tick. Tock. The clock ticked along.

“He loved me, didn’t he?” her voice broke, and the older woman mournfully affirmed her statement, “He honestly, truly loved me. And I left. I left him with all the plans that we’d made. All the promises I made him, I broke. And he kept every single promise, Karen! Every promise!”

“Oh sweetheart…you were his world, and he loved you very much. You understood your reasons and he never held those against you. All he ever wanted was for you to be happy,” his mother hugged her tight, and her last resolved crumbled.

“And he was my happy! Why did I ever leave? Why?” her shoulders shook and her voice was completely shattered.

“Because you were scared that everything was too perfect, and we all get scared babygirl. We wouldn’t be humans if we weren’t scared.”

“He was never scared…oh God, he was never scared. Everything was so easy to him, and I could never be like that.” Her decisions had kept her away for years, and her pride had never allowed her to come back. So many times her courage had shaken and she’d thought of coming back, but her pride never let her do it. And she never fought hard for it.

“My little boy was scared; he was terrified. He was so scared that you’d never know how much he loved you. That’s why this house, the one he built to your home is yours. And don’t you ever think that you do not deserve it. You gave the greatest gift of all, and that was love.”

His mother’s words did nothing to soothe her pain, but there was a comfort that did wash over her when she thought about those words.

And soon they'll carry him away
He stopped loving her today

“I hurt him so much, mama,” she cried sitting now at the window seat in the den. Her body was curled up in a corner, and the other woman’s hands clasped in her own. In the years that they’d spent together – boyfriend and girlfriend, husband and wife, mother and father – his love had never wavered.

“His only pain was loving you, and your only pain was loving him,” everyone had been a spectator of their relationship. And yet, no one had understood how a union as unstable as theirs had also been as strong as it had been. She’d never petitioned for a divorce and he’d never asked for one. And they had lived on opposite ends of the country, and yet, he was there every weekend to pick up their son.

Their son. Their beautiful toddler, Liam.

“He stopped loving me today, Karen. He said it; he said he’d love me until the day he died. He vowed before God…he stopped loving me.”

But, could love end like that? Could love end in the beams of flashing headlights? In the underbelly of an overturned vehicle?

“Actions speak louder than words, Lily. Now tell me, do you believe he stopped loving you today?”