I’m Sorry I Can’t

The living room lights were dimmed, the clock was heard ticking at the far end of the room, and faucets were dripping. Ashley knew that this is something that she would regret for the rest of her life if she continued in the position she was in. JC laid on top of her, he was giving her sweet kisses from the neck down, shirt unbuttoned, belt unbuckled, jeans remained on. As much as Ashley wanted to, she couldn’t enjoy this, it felt so wrong, she knew that JC had a girlfriend; she knew that they have been dating for about three years; she knew that she cared about him, and he cared about her. But if he did care about her, then why she was in this position with him, it all started when she went to that bar:

JC was sitting on the chair, drinking just a half a bottle of beer, he still had a clear head, he was drumming his fingers to the sound of the music that was playing in the background, when he spotted her, a young girl, in her mid-twenties, she didn’t seem interested in the party, she made a few conversations with some of the people, but there she remained, she didn’t dance, she just sat there, observing the atmosphere. JC wondered about this girl, she seemed so mysterious, yet radiant, it was something that grabbed him about her, without even thinking, he started to walk towards her.

“Hello.” He greeted.

“Hi.” She replied, a simple smile on her face.

“I’m JC, nice to meet you.”

“I’m Ashley, I know who you are, you are JC Chasez from *NSYNC right? I’m a big fan of you, so nice to meet you too.”

JC was surpised about this, so this girl knew who he was, this was going better than he had expected.

“I know you were watching me from over there.” Ashley chuckled pointing to the direction where JC was sitting before.

“Yeah, I uh, I saw that you looked bored out of your mind, so I decided to come over here and keep you company if you don’t mind.” JC rambled.

Ashley smiled at him, “That’s very thoughtful of you, thank you.”

The two of them talked some more until a song started to play, JC asked her; “would you like to dance?”

“Oh, I’m not much of dancer.” She said, a light blush filling her cheeks.

“Come on, it’s easy, you just put your hand here, and follow me okay?” JC said, taking her hand and putting it on his waist.

Ashley nodded quickly and followed him to the dance floor, there were other couples on the dance floor, but they paid no attention to them. There was no doubt in her mind, that this guy was really attractive, in all of the years that she has been a fan of him, this was kind of her dream, to dance and be with him, but she couldn’t. The two of them slowly danced to the song, they were both in rhythm, step by step, pace by pace.

“Oh so you do know how to dance huh?” JC said, pulling her close to her.

Ashley felt so safe in his arms, she was kind of lost in the endless emotions she was feeling.

“Are you okay?” JC asked, looking at her dazed look.

“I’m fine, I’m just tired that’s all.”

“Do you have a ride?”

“I can call a cab.”

“No, I can’t let you call a cab, there a bunch of bad people out there, it’s dangerous for a girl like you to be waiting for a cab at this late hour.” JC told her.

“JC, I’m okay, I can handle myself.” Ashley said grabbing her purse from the counter and heading towards to the exit.

“Ashley wait a minute.” JC ran behind her, he couldn’t let this girl go, he just couldn’t, it was something about her.

“Ashley, let me take you home, I insist.” He pleaded.

Ashley looked at his blue eyes, he had the most sincere look on his face, she just couldn’t say no to him, it was impossible.

She agreed and got inside the car with him.

“Tell me, where do I turn?” JC asked her.

“Turn right, then straight down, then make a left, it’s the small brick house, you can’t miss it.”

JC turned right and straight down just like she said, and sure enough, there was the house, just like she said.

“Thank you JC, you really are a gentleman.” Ashley smiled at him and got out of the car, but felt an arm pulling her back in.

“Wait.” He said, “May I come in?”

“JC, I can’t, my house is a mess, you wouldn’t want to be in there.”

“Hey, I don’t mind, let me just go inside and have a drink of water, I’m parched.”

Ashley sighed and invited him in, to a spotless house, not a messy house like she said.

“I thought you said your house was mess.” JC chuckled.

“I guess it’s not.” Ashley didn’t make eye contact with him, she knew if she did, she would get lost in those blue eyes of his.

“Ashley?” He whispered.

Ashley slowly turned around to face him.

“I want you.” He said.

And here she was, with her blouse unbuttoned, her skirt unzipped, on the couch ready to make love with one of the hottest guys she ever met, JC continued kissing her, then he went to her lips, when Ashley felt his lips on hers, it felt so right, but it also felt wrong. Sparks were flying for the both of them, it was getting hot and heavy.

JC wait a minute.” She said gasping for air, this is not right.

“It feels right to me.” He mumbled in between kisses.

She chuckled at the thought, “I know it feels right, but I don’t want to be your second toy to play with.”

JC stopped for a second and looked at her amazed at what she had just said.

“What do you mean second toy?”

Ashley sighed and told him, “I mean, that I know that you’re dating your girlfriend, and you should be faithful with her, you should be with her, not me.”

“Who Kathy?” JC said.

“Yes her, I’ve seen you two together, you two make a nice couple, you shouldn’t spend all of your love on me, I don’t want to get you guys in trouble, I don’t want to be the one to ruin your relationship, as much as I want to be with you, I’m sorry but I can’t be with you.” Ashley rambled, a tear going down on her face.

“Don’t cry Ashley, I understand where you going, I know that I should be with Kathy and not you, she was supposed to come with me to the bar tonight, but she couldn’t, she had a family get-togetherness, which is why I went to the bar, and when I found you, I kinda lost my head, you were the only girl that stood out in that crowd, it was like a light turned on or a blindfold has been lifted.”

“Are you sure that wasn’t the drink talking?” Ashley said.

“No, I didn’t drink much, if I drank a lot I wouldn’t be driving now would I?”

Ashley shook her head no.

“You should leave JC.” Ashley said.

“Leave?”

“Yeah, but it’s for a good reason, I thank you for bringing me home, but like I said, you should be with Kathy, not me, you have to be devoted with her, she has never cheated on you right?”

“Not that I know of no.” JC responded.

“But look at what you are doing, that is not how a relationship works, communication is key, do you understand?” Ashley told him, putting the zipper of her skirt back up.

“I understand.”

She hated to see the hurt look on his face, but it was the truth, and the truth hurts.

“We could remain friends right? Good friends?” JC said.

“Yeah good friends okay?” She pulled him into a hug and opened the front door.

“Now you go call or text Kathy to see how she is, forget about me for the night.” Ashley said.

JC nodded and gave her a small smile.

“Have a goodnight.” She greeted.

“You too.”

The front door closed and Ashley broke down and cried, she fell for him, she fell for him hard, and it only happened in a couple of hours, one dance, one song, one conversation, lead to this, who would’ve known?” She decided to keep this to herself, she didn’t want to risk what went down by telling her friends, but she also felt that she needed to tell him the truth, she didn’t want to be the second toy; he would make out with her and then leave for the other one, that just didn’t seem right to her, but the good thing is, they would remain friends, let’s just hope that she didn’t have another encounter with him anytime soon.

JC stood on the front porch, he just stood there, he glanced at his watch, it was nearly one in the morning, no girl has ever told him that before, and it was a shock to him, usually girls would throw themselves at him, and he liked that fact, he has grown so used to it, that he thought that she was the same as the rest of the girls, boy was he wrong. Kathy has been so nice to him, she treated him well, they did nearly everything together, and Ashley was right, they did make a nice couple, but he hasn’t fallen for her yet, in fact, he forgot what love felt like until he met Ashley, so how can he just forget about her for the night, it was nearly impossible, how can she say to go back to Kathy and move on with his life, when he has already fallen for her.