Justin finished with the dishes. Drying his hands, he walked over to the large picture window. The only thing the apartment had going for it was a nice view of the park. It had been raining all evening. When he couldn't sleep he would sit by the window and just watch what was going on. Now as he looked out people were running with their umbrellas up. He remembered Jc always liked staying in bed on raining days. It was the only time he made it difficult for him getting out of bed. He frowned at the memory. He missed him so much.
Before he turned away from the window, Justin noticed someone sitting on a bench. Looking harder, his heart skipped a beat.
"Josh," he whispered.
Quickly getting his coat and keys, Justin ran down the stairs. He headed out of the door and into the pouring rain. Justin bit his bottom lip as he slowly approached the bench.
"Josh?"
Jc looked up and was surprised to see Justin standing there, but yet he was almost relieved. Justin had found him.
"How did you know I was here?"
"I saw you from my window," Justin replied pointing up to where he had been standing.
"You live there? Aren't you a big singer?"
Justin shrugged his shoulders. "I lived there before I made it big. Why are you sitting in the cold rain? You're going to get sick."
This time Jc was the one who shrugged his shoulders. He shivered slightly, but he had grown used to the rain and snow. Justin could see that Jc was trying to hide his tears in the rain.
"Josh is everything ok?"
Josh shook his head and held it down. He tried his best to stop the tears but they just wouldn't stop.
"How about we get out of the rain. I can make some coffee." Justin said holding his hand out.
"I... I can't. Casey is probably looking for me," Jc said standing up, but then he remember why he left Casey's apartment. He turned and faced Justin. "Ok."
Justin smiled and lead the way back to the apartment. When Justin opened the door, the warm air hit Josh's face. He almost felt like he was home.
"I can get you warm clothes," Justin said disappearing into the bedroom. He didn't wait for Jc to object because he knew he would have.
Jc slowly took his coat off and laid it on one of the chairs. He looked around the small apartment. There wasn't much there. Just a couch, a small table, two chairs, and a small tv. Something felt comfortable about this place. Justin came back and walked over to him and handed him the clothes.
"There's a bathroom right in there. Go change and I'll get the coffee going."
Jc nodded and headed for the bathroom. He closed the door and started peeling off his wet clothes. He hung them on the shower curtain and stood there watching the little beads of water begin dripping from the clothes, landing in the tub.
Taking a deep breath and focusing his attention back on getting dressed, he pulled the track pants on and a long sleeved T-shirt. Once he was dressed, he looked into the mirror. He wished he could remember something, anything about his life before. Looking down he noticed two toothbrushes next to the sink. Did Justin live here with someone? Running his fingers through his wet hair he made his way out to the living room.
It made him wonder if Justin was actually telling him the truth or if he had already moved on from him. When Jc walked out of the bathroom, he saw Justin was busy in the kitchen making coffee.
"Thanks for the dry clothes," Josh whispered.
Justin looked up and smiled. "It's no problem."
"Do you live here alone?"
Justin looked surprised by his question as he looked up at Jc. "Yes. It's just me."
"You have two toothbrushes. You must have clean teeth."
Justin chuckled softly and smiled at Jc. "One is yours. I never moved it...just in case."
"Hmm.. I really should go," Josh said nervously.
"No wait, please stay. If you want, after the cup of coffee I can go and drop you off at Casey's."
"I don't know what to do..." Josh whispered looking down to the floor.
"About what Josh?" Justin asked stepping closer. He could see Jc slightly shaking.
"Casey told me that he loves me."
Justin swallowed and stepping closer. "Do you love him?"
Josh shook his head no quickly.
Justin had a feeling something else had happened so he pressed on.
"What else happened?"
"Noth...nothing," Jc stammered, feeling the lump in his throat rise.
"You can tell me Josh. You can tell me anything."
Jc fought back the tears again. "He kissed me and I didn't want him to."
"Is that why you left?"
"Yes," Jc said wiping his nose on the back of his hand. "For some odd reason whenever I walk around I find myself at that bench sitting there looking around. It's so weird to me. When I sit there I feel so close to something. I just can't place it. You probably think I'm crazy."
Justin couldn't believe Jc had been so close to him so many times. Many times had they crossed paths and never realized it. For the past year Jc had been so close to home and close to him.
"I'm lost Justin. I don't want to be lost anymore."
Slowly Justin wrapped his arms around Josh's shoulders. He felt Jc lean into him then wrap his arms around his waist. Justin savored this moment, being so close, and in Jc's arms again.
"I want to help you so you're not lost anymore. I can help you remember who you were because I knew you better than anybody. Will you let me help you?"
"I don't know Justin. Casey wants me to forget about my past."
"But you don't."
"No."
Justin pulled Jc back and smiled slightly. "How about coffee?"
"Yea sounds good," Jc said trying to smile.
Moving away from Jc, Justin headed into the kitchen and poured two cups of coffee. After putting cream and sugar in each he made his way to the table.
"Sit Josh."
Jc hesitated but made his way to the chair. He took a small drink and relaxed slightly as he felt a little warmer.
He looked out the big window at the rain. It wouldn't be long before the rain would be snow falling. "I'm not looking forward to snow," Jc whispered.
"I like the snow. It's one of the best seasons."
"Too cold to walk."
"You've never liked the cold. I use to beg you to go with me to do something outside in the winter."
"Did I ever give in?"
"All the time," Justin said wiggling his eyebrows, making Jc laugh.
"But then we would always come home. You would always be frozen to death and we would get coffee and sit on the couch under blankets to warm up."
Jc nodded his head and took another small drink.
"Tell me something that I use to do. Where did I use to work?"
"You worked for a photography company. You had been working your way up from being an assistant to having a small studio of your own and then you worked at a restaurant. The photography company didn't pay well so you had to get the second job."
"I worked a lot."
"Yes. You supported us mostly. My little job as a bus boy helped paid my way through school. I always wished I could have done more for us in the beginning."
"But then you made it big."
"All because you believed in me, Josh. I couldn't have done any of it without you."
"I'm sorry I don't remember."
"It's not your fault." Justin stopped and looked at Jc. " Do you remember anything from what happened?"
"I don't want to talk about it," Jc said quickly looking away.
"Alright, I'm sorry."
They sat in silence drinking their coffee. Justin couldn't help but stare at Jc. He looked so much weaker. He lost a lot of weight. And he had lost the light in his eyes.
"Do I look that different?" He asked, catching Justin looking at him.
"Sorry," Justin mumbled. "You just look like you've lost a lot of weight."
"Did I use to be fat or something?" He exclaimed making them both laugh.
"No, never. You've always been very skinny, just..."
"Not this skinny."
"Right."
"What else do you notice different about me."
"That you...." He paused for a second, meeting Jc's gaze then slowly moved a short curl away from his eye. "You look more sad."
"I am sad. It hurts every day not knowing who you are," Jc said his eyes moving back back to the coffee cup.
Justin looked down at Jc's hand and placed his over it.
"I have an idea, come on," he said getting up with a huge smile.
Walking into the living room Justin looked through a small pile of DVDs. He pulled one out and put it in the DVD player.
"Come on Josh."
"What are we going to watch?"
Justin grinned. "Ferris buellers day off."
Flopping down on the couch he patted the seat next to him and looked up at Jc. He could see that he was hesitating.
"I don't bite. Its just a movie."
"Are you sure about that?" Jc asked with a smile.
"Well maybe a little, but never very hard."
Jc smiled and sat down next to him. He felt like he had probably watched this movie a dozen times before but yet he still couldn't remember it. Justin pushed play and they sat there and started watching the movie. As soon as the movie started Jc remembered it.


Jc walked into his apartment from working a long day. Putting his bag on the table he saw the movie that was playing on tv Ferris Buerres Day Off.

"Again." He asked.

He saw a figure on the couch but it was blurry. He couldn't make out who it was. He knew his question was being answered but it was muffled.


"So is this one of my favorite movies?"
"Actually one of mine, but you always made fun of me for loving it. But you use to watch it with me all the time."
Jc shook his head, figuring the blurry, muffled figure in his memory was Justin. He just wished he could really have seen it was Justin, instead of a blur.
It didn't take long before Jc was yawning and when Justin looked over at him, he was fast asleep. He had to laugh quietly because that was exactly what he use to do all the time during this movie.
He quietly got up and turned off the tv. Grabbing a blanket, Justin covered Jc and turned out the lamp next to the couch. Darkness and silence washed over the room and he could hear the steady soft breathing Jc was making. He stood there for a minute just listening to him, letting the realization that Jc was sleeping on their couch again sink in.
Justin walked over to him, and bending down, he softly kissed Jc's cheek. "I love you baby," he whispered before placing another kiss on his forehead.
Jc didn't stir as Justin knew he wouldn't. Walking into his room, he crawled into bed and let his mind go blank before falling asleep.

Justin groaned when he heard the pounding on the door. He stretched his body out then crawled slowly out of bed. On the way to the door he stopped when he saw Jc laying on the couch. Then all the evenings events played out in his kind, making him smile. The pounding on the door brought him back to the present.He cursed.
Looking at Jc closely, he could tell that he was awake. His eyes were shut tightly and he was gripping the pillow and blanket. Justin knew who was pounding on the door and he knew that Jc knew as well. Taking a deep breath, he went over to the door.
"Where the fuck is he?" Casey spat walking in.
"I'm right here Casey," Jc said quietly, sitting up.
Casey walked over to him quickly. "Why the hell didn't you come back yesterday? I was fucking worried, C!"
"I..."
"So what, are you going to live with him now?"
Jc didn't say anything. He just looked down at the floor.
"You aren't the boss of him Casey so lay off. He can stay where ever he pleases," Justin replied as he walked into the kitchen.
"You know what Justin, fuck you."
"That's mature," Justin muttered, shaking his head. Casey chose to ignore him and looked back at Jc.
"I've been looking for you all night C."
"You never look for me before, why was this time different? Because I didn't kiss you back?"
"Well yes, you left at not the best time, but I always look for you. I was worried. Why didn't you kiss me back?"
"I don't love you Casey."
"God damnit, I took you in. We have spent the last year together. What do I have to do?"
Justin stood in the kitchen watching. He didn't like Casey yelling at Jc like this, not when Jc couldn't prevent it. Jc hadn't fallen in love Casey. Could he and Jc have a second chane?
"C. Just listen, please. We are great together. You can move forward with me instead of trying to dig up your past," Casey said pointing to Justin. "You don't know what you're going to find, it could be bad for all you know," he couldn't help that his eyes traveled over to Justin. "I want you to be taken care of and I know I can do that for you."
"I don't know Casey. I know you've done a lot for me and I can't thank you enough for that but I don't feel the same about you. I want to know about my past. You don't really know me. Because I don't even know me yet."
Casey raised his hands over his head in frustration and took a demanding step towards Jc. But before he could get another word in both Justin and him watched as Jc recoiled to the floor sobbing.
"Shit C. I'm not going to hit you, I'm sorry," Casey pleaded.
"Please, I didn't do anything. Please don't hurt me."
Casey felt his stomach drop. He realized that he just brought back memories of Jc's accident. Casey turned and looked at Justin with a sad expression. 

Jc walked down the street after working a double shift at his job. He was tired and hungry. he was almost home when he passed a group of men huddled together talking.

"Hey fag," one called out.

Jc tried ignoring them, but they started to follow him. He quickened his pace and his heart began beating heavily Against his chest. Don"t look back, he thought to himself. He just had to make it home and lock the door. Then he would be safe.

"Where are you going so fast homo?"

Jc felt them get closer. The hair on the back of his neck started to prickle. Before Jc could reach his street, one of the men grabbed him and pulled him into another ally.

"Please just leave me alone," Jc begged.

"You are so stupid,"once of the men yelled and throwing the first punch sending Jc falling to the wet ground.

With that, the beating started. Jc fought everything to stay away, to get away. Even as they pounded into his head. His pleas went unanswered. The fist were thrown harder when he started sobbing. The only light at the end of the dark tunnel was Justin. He was standing there with his arms out wide waiting for him.

"Justin," he whispered out loud, but no one heard him and the world around him went black.

Justin watched Jc go into a ball and start sobbing. His heart ached for him and he just wished that he could wrap his arms around him and tell him that everything was going to be alright. Looking over at Casey he knew this was going to cause him problems with getting Jc back. But like he told Casey, he was going to fight for Jc. He wasn't going to just let him walk in and take Jc away. Finally he couldn't take it.
"Josh," Justin whispered walking up slowly to him.
Jc didn't respond. He was still shut down in his mind. It was only when he felt Justin's fingers running through his hair when he looked up.
"I just wanted you. I wanted you to save me," Jc sobbed.
" You remember me?" Justin asked in shock.
Jc shook his head. "I don't know what I remember. I just know you were the one in my head when everything went black. I knew I wanted you."
"I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you, that I didn't come home in time."
Sitting down on the floor next to him Justin took Jc into his arms and held him tight.
"I was just trying to go home. That's all I was doing, just walking home from work."
"You didn't deserve it baby," Justin said kissing his head.
Casey didn't like this. He couldn't let Jc remember what he and Justin had. No, he was going to fight for Jc. He wasn't going to let him go that easily.
"C we are going home now," Casey snapped grabbing Jc's arm and pulling him to his feet.
Jc was too mentally tired to argue, so he walked with him towards the door. Justin was too stunned to move. Jc had remembered him. It wasn't until he heard the door click that he realized that they were gone.
"Shit," he muttered, quickly getting up and going to the window.
Casey was dragging him down the street. Jc was still tired and drained and Casey clearly wanted to get out of Justin's sight as fast as he could. Justin ran his fingers through his short curls. He knew Jc would find his way back to the apartment, his apartment where he belonged.

It had been two weeks, two long weeks since that morning when Jc had remembered his attack. And two long weeks since Justin had seen him anywhere. Now, it was only a few days before Christmas. Justin's mom was up from Memphis. She was disappointed when she walked into the apartment and saw no tree.

"Justin Randall, where is the christmas tree?"

"I decided not to get one this year,"Justin mumbled, never looking up from the window.

He hoped that is he stared out the window all day he would finally see Jc again.

"Honey, I know this hasn't been the best year and I know Christmas was your favorite holiday that you two shared, but you can't give up now," Lynn said taking Justin's chin into her fingers and moving his head up.

"Mom, it's been tow weeks. I haven"t seen him in two weeks."

"I know," Lynn said sadly. "Come on. We are going to get a tree."

"No mom."

"Yes. Now let's go." She wallked over to the table and grabbed her coat and purse. "Now Justin."

"Ok, ok," Justin exclaimed getting up and grabbing his coat.

Now they were at the place that he and Jc had always gone to every year to get their trees. Walking through the trees, Lynn had pointed out several different ones, but none of them looked like the one.
"Justin you have to pick one."
"I don't want to mom."
"Then I'm going to pick the biggest one."
"No don't," Justin said looking at her panicked.
Lynn laughed and started looking around. After a few minutes of looking she stopped. Justin hadn't been paying attention and ran right into her.
"Mom," Justin exclaimed.
"Justin, look."
Justin looked up and noticed Jc standing near the entrance. He had his hands stuffed in his pockets and looking at his feet. Justin couldn't believe it. He blinked and quickly looked towards Jc again. He was still there. Quickly, before he lost him, Justin walked over to him.
"Josh."
"Justin," he said surprised, looking up at him.
Justin couldn't mistake the relief that Jc's voiced carried. Jc looked around then took a step towards him and wrapped his arms around him. Justin smiled into Jc's coat. He pulled Jc closer to his body.
"Where have you been?" Justin asked still holding onto him tightly.
"I'm sorry. Casey hasn't really let me out of his sight. I've tried to tell him I want to see you, but he says he's fighting for me. I'm sorry."
"It's ok," Justin sighed bringing his hand up to the back of Jc's neck.
But as quickly as Jc had wrapped his arms around Justin, he released him. Stepping back he placed his hands back in his jeans.
"What are you doing here?" Jc asked quietly.
"Getting a Christmas tree with my mom," Justin answered motioning over to where his mom was standing.
Jc smiled at Lynn and got a smile in return. She looked familiar.
"Is Casey here?"
"Yea he's paying for the tree. We had to find one of the biggest ones. I wanted a small one but he said no."
"That hasn't changed." Just said smiling.
"What?"
"We came here every Christmas and always got the smallest tree they had."
"Really?" Jc said with a smile.
Justin smiled seeing Jc smile. They stood there in silence just staring at each other until Justin frowned.
"Where have you been?"
"Casey's. He got me a job at that restraunt. It's kind of under the table since I don't have a drivers license or any information. I bus tables and stuff. I hate it, but don't tell Casey that. He brings me every day and then picks me up or has Kelly bring me home. I've wanted to come see you so many times."
"I've really missed you Josh."
"I've missed you."
"C, lets go now," Casey called holding the tree.
"I'm coming Casey."
Jc quickly looked up at Justin with fear in his eyes. Digging into his pocket he pulled a piece of paper out and jammed it into Justin's pocket. He walked away to meet up with Casey. Justin reached into his pocket and pulled out the piece of paper out and opened the note.

I feel trapped. Help me. Please. I miss you.

Fear tickled Justin's neck. He looked up from the note to see Jc joining Casey and walking away. There would be no doubt in his mind that he was going to get Jc away from Casey forever. Now he just had to make a plan. Justin returned to his mom with a determined look on his face.
"Where did he go?" She asked.
"He went with Casey."
"What are you planning Justin?"
"I'm going to get him back."
"Justin what if he's happy."
"He's not. See?" Justin said showing her the note. "Let's find a tree and go home. I have planning to do."
"Justin," Lynn said nervously.
"Don't worry mom. By Christmas morning everything is going to be right. I'm going to make sure of it."
Suddenly Justin was all about finding a tree and sure enough, after a few short minutes of looking he found the perfect one. Bringing it back to the apartment Justin started looking for a new apartment.

Casey had set up the tree and brought out the Christmas decoration. "Come on C, help me."
"Ok Casey," Jc said getting up from the couch and walking over to the tree. Everything just felt wrong. This wasn't right. This wasn't who he wanted to spend his Christmas with. Justin was.
"I told you to stay away from Justin."
"I know, I'm sorry. He walked up to me."
"You hugged him," Casey snapped.
Jc turned around and faced him. "I don't love you Casey."
"How many times do I have to tell you not say that?" Casey screamed. "You can't just enjoy this, can you?"
"Please don't yell at me," Jc whispered.
"Oh fuck C, shut up and decorate the tree."
Jc shut his mouth and started putting the decorations up. He did everything in his power so that the tears wouldn't run down his cheeks. He looked out the window and watched the snow fall. He hoped Justin could figure something out. He wanted to be with him, that's where he was beginning to think he belonged.

"Justin are you sure about this?" Lynn said walking into the new apartment carrying a box.
"More then sure. After tomorrow me and Josh will finally be able to be together."
"What if Casey finds you?"
"Then I'll get detective Fatone involved. I'm not afraid of Casey."
"This is a much better apartment, Justin."
"Isn't it? I think Josh will like it. Its still small and just enough space for the two of us. Plus it's in a safer neighborhood."
"Why did you get another bed?"
"I wasn't sure he would want to sleep with me right away so I figured I would give him his own space for awhile."
"You are such a sweet man Justin."
"You raised me."
"And I will say that I did a good job," Lynn said placing her hand on his cheek and fighting the tears.
"I would agree," Justin replied smiling and kissing her cheek. "I love you mom."
"I love you just as much. Come on, we have a lot of work to do."
They went back to the old apartment and packed what needed to be brought over to the new one. By the end of the night they were both exhausted and sitting on the new couch Justin had bought.
"We should have called your dad up," Lynn said taking a drink of her glass of wine.
"I agree, we could still call him up for Christmas."
"No, tomorrow night is yours and Josh's. What time are you going to get him tomorrow?"
"As soon as he gets to the restaurant. I went in the other night and asked if he worked Christmas and what time and the waitress told me. She was new so I don't think she will tell anyone."
"I hope that everything works out Justin."
"It's going to be fine."
"Are you afraid at all?"
"Very," he admitted. "I think the thing I'm afraid of the most is him not remembering anything."
"He needs time and if you two have to start over, then you do. You have waited this long you can wait a little longer. He has feelings for you, I saw it when he hugged you."
"I felt it too."
"Just be patient with him and be understanding. That's what he needs the most right now. And I'm sure he will come around quickly."
"Thank so much for everything mom."
"I would do anything for you and for Josh."
Justin smiled and laid his head on the back of the couch. Before he even knew it he was asleep.
The next morning Lynn woke him. They quickly made their way to the airport where they said goodbye. Justin had a lot to do before he went to the restaurant that night to pick Jc up. And he prayed that it went as he hoped.

Justin drove to the restruant parking in a spot he waited. Few minutes later he noticed him walking towards the dinner his hands stuffed into his pockets. He was about to jump out when he noticed Casey walking next to him his hand poss around his arm. Justin banged his head on the steering wheel. Why couldn't it have been easy. Pulling his phone out he hit a familiar speed dial.  
"Detective I need your help."
"Where are you?"
"At the Diner. I'll explain when you get here."
"I'll be there in fifteen." 
"Thanks."
Hanging up he looked up at watched Casey and Jc walk into the dinner. He had to get him back today. 
Fifteen minutes later Detective Fatone pulled up next to Justin's car. He got out of his car and slipped into Justin. 
"Alright Justin what's this about?"
"Jcs in there working."
"Ok go in there and tell him to come with you how is this difficult Justin."
"Casey is in there with him."
"Justin." he said giving him a look. 
"Joe I haven't seen him in two weeks. Not since he remembered his attack and Casey dragged him out of the apartment. I ran into him the other night for a split second and he handed me this." 
Justin pulled the little note from his pocket and handed it to Joey.
"He doesn't want to be with him Joe. Casey is holding him against his will. I need to get him out of here. He needs to come home with me." 
"I don't know I can do anything Justin."
"What do you mean you don't know you can do anything. Go in there get Jc and bring him out. It's not that difficult Detective." 
"Justin I know you've been searching for him for over a year. I know how hard it's been, but I can't just go in there and drag him out." 
"Why not?" 
"Justin." Joey said giving him a look. 
"He told me he feels trapped what does that tell you Joey. That he doesn't want to be here anymore. I bought a new apartment. He will be safer with me. He belongs with me."
Joey sighed. "We will go in together and ask him what he wants." 
Justin smiled and jumped out of the car. Shaking his head Joey also got out. Together they walked into the diner. Jc was picking up dishes up off a table. Justin noticed Casey talking with one of the waitresses. 
"Josh." Justin said going to over to him. 
"Justin, what are you doing here?"
"Come with me."
"C." Casey said coming up and taking a hold of his arm. "Jen says you can leave they don't need to today."
"But I just got here." 
"I know I'm sorry we have to go," Casey said starting to pull him towards the door.
"Josh please come with me," Justin begged.
"Damnit, Justin. I told you to leave us the fuck alone!" Casey yelled.
The diner went quiet, now watching what was happening.
"And I told you I wasn't going to. Josh is not happy with you. He's scared of you. I'm taking him home with me."
"The hell you are," he said pulling Jc out the diner door with him.
Justin and Joey followed quickly. Jc was looking at Justin, begging him to do something, to help him.
"Say the words, Josh. Tell him" Justin said. He stepped in front of Casey, making him stop.
Justin could see Jc was scared and he could see him shaking. But he knew Jc had to be the one to tell Casey.
"Casey, let me go," Jc said, looking down at the ground.
"No. You don't mean that. I'm not letting go, C."
"I don't love you. I want to go home with Justin. Please, Casey."
"God damnit Josh, I want to be with you." Casey yelled. 
"I don't want to be with you. I'm leaving," Jc said with as much confidence as he could show.
Nobody had enough time to react before Casey brought him arm up and having his fist make contact with Jc's nose. Jc cried out and fell to the ground. Casey leaned over Jc, ready to hit him again when Detective Fatone, grabbed Casey, pulling him away from Jc.
Justin rushed to the ground next to Jc. He could see the blood running from his nose.
"Shit, Josh. Are you ok?" He asked, taking him gently into his arms.
Jc just nodded his head. "I want to leave. Please, can we go."
"Yes, baby. We can go."
Justin helped Jc up to his feet. 
"Let me go," Casey yelled. Joey had his arms behind his back, held together tightly.
"Nice to meet you, Casey. I'm Detective Fatone. And if I were you, I would suggest leaving Jc and Justin alone and never look back."
"Yea, what are you going to do if I don't?" Casey snarled, trying to get out of his strong grip.
Joey leaned forward and talked quietly next to his ear.
"You'll find out," he warned. Joey let go of his wrists and pushed Casey away from him. "Get out of here."
Casey walked away from the diner, but looked back at Jc and Justin. He cursed to himself, and kept on walking away.
"Thanks, Joe," Justin said shaking his hand. 
"Glad I could help. You two let me know if he comes back."
"We will. 
"Take care you guys," Joey called as he walked to his car to leave.
"Let's get you home," Justin said putting his arm around Jc. He lead them to his car.
"Home sounds good," Jc agreed.
They got in the car and Justin started driving away from the diner. He looked over at Jc and placed his hand on his.
"Your cold." He said quietly and turning the heat on higher.
"It's ok I'm used to being cold. Why aren't you with your family it's Christmas?" 
"You are my family Josh. Always have been. We will be spending Christmas together just like we always have been." 
Taking his eyes of the road he looked over at the love of his life and he could see tears slowly rolling down his red cheeks. He watched him wiped the blood from his nose that continued coming down. Turning back to the road, Justin smiled for the first time tonight. He had made the right choice. Josh was safe with him, and Joey had taken care of Casey. He wasn't happy about the fact that Jc had gotten hit, but he would make sure as soon as they got home, he would clean him up and take care of him.  
When Justin didn't turn down the street that the apartment was on Jc turned to him in confusion. 
"Justin where are we going?" 
"Home." 
"But..." 
"Josh do you trust me?" 
Without even having to think about it Jc shock his head only to realize Justin hadn't notice. "Yes." 
The rest of the ride was spent in comfortable silence. They reached the new apartment complex a few minutes later.
"Can I ask where we are yet?"
Justin smiled at him. "Not yet. But almost."
Jc silently groaned, but couldn't help feel excited and happy for the first time since he could remember. 
They got out of the car and he followed Justin to a second floor apartment where Justin put the key into the door knob and let themselves in. Justin flipped the light on and moved to the side to let Jc in, closing the door behind them.
"Now you can ask."
"Where are we?" Jc asked with a slight smile.
"Home."
"Why?" 
"Because you needed a fresh start. Somewhere that you feel safe." 
"I feel safe when I'm close to you," Jc whispered blushing and looking down at his feet. 
"It makes me happy to hear you say that. I've missed you so much," Justin said placing his hand on Jc's cheek.  "Let's clean up your nose."
Justin led them to the kitchen where he got a towel and ran it under the water, he gently cleaned him up, noticing that he wasn't bleeding anymore.
"Want a tour?" Justin asked.
"Yes." 
Justin noticed something near Jc's eye. "Wait stop," he said touching Jc's arm stopping him. 
"What, don't you want to show me around?" 
"I do, but," Justin began. He took the hoodie off from Jc's head and lightly touched the bruise around his right eye. "Where did this come from Josh?" He asked concerned.
Jc bit his bottom lip he knew he couldn't lie to Justin. "I asked him to take me to you a few days ago. I begged him. Then I guess I told him that I didn't love him too many times. He didn't like that. He had been drinking and he got mad at me. Of course he felt bad after that." 
"God damn bastard," Justin muttered. "I should have come sooner."
"You came just in time," Jc told him.
Justin didn't wait to ask Jc if what he was about to do was ok. He pulled Jc into his arms and kissed his cheek. "I got you out of there before he could hurt you anymore. You don't need that in your life anymore baby. You deserve so much more. I'm so sorry." 
Jc wrapped his arms around Justin's waist and buried his head deeper into Justin's chest. "Even if I don't remember that I'm in love with you. That doesn't mean I'm not falling for you." 
Justin felt his heart momentarily stop. Had he just heard what he thought he had? 
"Did I render you speechless?" Jc asked with a laugh, when he saw the look of surprise on his face.
"Maybe a little," he admitted.
"I feel something for you Justin. I have since that time you came in the restraunt looking for me." 
"Why did you leave angry then?"
Jc moved away from Justin putting his head down. "I regretted it as soon as I walked down the street. My wish had finally come true. Someone was looking for me. I left because I was angry it had taken so long. I'm sorry I had left. It's just when I looked at you for the first time I had a flashback. It wasn't a big one and it wasn't very clear, but it scared the shit out of me and I just had to get out of there. I'm sorry." 
"It's fine, Josh. We are together now. Let's take that tour now." 
"I'd like that." 
"Good." Justin took a from hold of Jc's hand.
They walked into the living room where Jc saw the Christmas tree was set up. But it wasn't decorated yet.
"You didn't decorate it yet?" Jc asked.
"No. Because we will do it together like we do every year. Is that ok?"
"Yes." 
Justin grabbed Jc's hand and guided him towards the bedrooms. "Two beds," Jc noticed.
"Yea, um, I...I didn't," Justin stammered.
Jc moved to face him and this time he placed his hand on Justin's cheek. 
"That was very sweet of you, Justin. Thank you."
"You can sleep wherever you want." 
Jc nodded and turned away. "It's so much different then the other place you showed me." 
"Just a little." 
"Can we decorate the tree?"
"Of course we can," Justin said smiling.
He took a firm hold of Jc's hand and walked back to the living room. 
Before they knew it they were both laughing and putting the decoration on the tree. When the tree was almost done Jc stopped. 

"Jc, that does not go there," Justin laughed.
"Why not?" Jc replied putting the ornament in his hand, on the tree.   
"Because it always goes towards the top, you know that," Justin said taking it and putting it where he thought it looked better.
"You knew I should kick your ass. You alway move the ones I put up," Jc said smirking, but glaring at Justin. 

"The tree isn't right," Jc said looking at it.
Justin looked at him with confusion. "What do you mean? It looks great." 
"The ornaments are in the wrong spot.  This one needs to be at the top like you like it," he said taking the ornament off the tree and placing it higher.
"You remember that?" Justin asked with a smile. He couldn't help the grin becoming bigger on his face.
"I do. I just remembered. You use to move a lot of the ornaments I put up and I would pick on you for it."
"Oh my god Josh you have no idea how many ornaments I wanted to change while we were doing this, but I forced myself not to," Justin said laughing. 
Jc laughed and placed the last ornament on the tree. Bending down he picked up the star and handed it to Justin. 
Justin shook his head. "No you do the honors." 
"You sure?" 
"Yea I'm sure," Justin said smiling and placing his hand the base of Jc's back. 
"Ok," Jc said smiling. He reached up to place the star at the top of the tree. 
They stepped back and looked at the tree. 
"It looks beautiful." 
"It sure does." Justin replied, but he wasn't looking at the tree, he was staring at Jc and was so happy to see him smiling and back where he belongs. He then looked out the window and noticed it was snowing. "Hey, you want to go for a walk?"
"Hmm..." Jc said tensing up. 
"He won't find us Josh." 
"How are you so sure?" 
"Well.." Justin began and stepping in front of Jc then running his fingers down his cheek. "We are at least thirty miles from Casey's apartment and this apartment is under your name which he doesn't know. So he won't be able to track us down. Besides, I think Joey scared him enough that he won't come looking for us."
"It's under my name?" 
"Yes, Joshua Chasez." 
Jc nodded at hearing his name. Justin could see he was battling slightly in his head. He could see that the wheels inside his head were trying to register things but it just want coming easy. 
"Hey, it will come. Look at how much you are remembering already." 
Again Jc nodded his head but looked down at his feet. It hurt Justin to see Jc being so shy. When before the attack he was sure of himself. He had so much confidence and could face anything. 
"How about that walk," Justin whispered taking his hand. 
"Yea," Jc said as they walked over to the door, grabbing their coats.
Justin put his coat on and grabbed his keys. They walked out, going down to the street. The snow was falling pretty heavily. 
"We shouldn't walk too far," Jc said gripping Justin's hand. 
"Why are you so afraid? You spent your days walking."
"Yes I did a lot of walking, but it was always in the same spots. Or in a public park."
"This is a much safer neighborhood. Where we lived before was dangerous...obviously," Justin said with regret. "We never should have lived there in the first place." 
"I wish I could remember."
"I know you will. It will just take some more time. If you let me, I'll show you things you use to do and hopefully you will start to remember things."
"I would like that."
They walked in silence for a few minutes just holding hands. When they hit the corner Justin stopped and looked down the streets then keep walking. Kids were playing in a yard making a snow man. Another couple was walking their dogs. It was a nice neighborhood. As they walked they saw more people were enjoying the snow. 
"Josh, where did you live before you started staying at Casey's?" Justin asked quietly. 
"On the streets. There was a bench in the park that was away from everything so I would sit there and sleep for an hour or so then go walking somewhere else. Every morning I met Casey at that restraunt for breakfast. He begged me so much to come home with him, I just wasn't ready to. I got a cold and just couldn't shake it so I went and stayed with Casey. I only stayed at night, and I walked around during the day." 
"Were you ever afraid?" 
"Justin, can we go back?" Jc asked ignoring Justin's question. 
"Of course. I have something we can do when we get back. Something we have done every Christmas eve since we've been together," Justin said with a smile. He knew Jc was ignoring the question, which meant he had been afraid. And it made him frown thinking about it.
"Please tell me it involves being in the apartment." 
"It does." Justin laughed, knowing how much Jc didn't like the cold.
Turning around they headed back towards their home. Justin was excited to show Jc what they use to do, and hoped that he would start to remember more about their life together.

When they got back from their walk, Justin got a fire started, then went into the kitchen.
"Anything I can help with?" Jc asked.
"Sure, you can get two mugs out of the cabinet," Justin said pointing to a cabinet. 
Jc opened the cabinet door and pulled out two christmas mugs, placing them on the counter. Justin grabbed the tea pot that was going off on the stove and poured the water into the mugs. Putting two scoops of hot chocolate mix in each, he gave them a stir. 
"Now for the best part," Justin said going to the freezer and pulling the ice cream out. 
"Ice cream?"
"Yep this is your favorite part."
"The suspense is killing me," Jc said with a laugh.
When Justin was finished he handed one to Jc and they walked into the living room and sat on the couch.
"So this is what we use to do every Christmas Eve?"
"And watch White Christmas," Justin explained as he turned on the tv and pushed play on the DVD player. 
The movie started. Justin took a small drink and watched Jc do the same. 

"Justin watch the movie,"  Jc groaned closing his eyes. 
"Josh, we watch this movie ever year and it never changes," Justin replied kissing his neck and moving his hands under his shirt.
"Justin I'm warning you." 
"I want my Christmas special," Justin snickered.
"Oh, you are something else," Jc answered taking a drink of his chocolate and pushing Justin's hands away. 
"But you love me all the same." 
"Yea I suppose I do," he said laughing and kissing his cheek.

Justin looked over at Jc and noticed his cheeks were a pink blush and Jc was wearing a small grin that he was trying to hide.
"What's so funny?" Justin asked.
Jc snapped his attention away from the movie and looked at Justin, the pink blush turning more red. He had been caught and he didn't know how to tell Justin what he had remembered.
"Nothing was funny."
"You seem embarrassed now."
Jc took a deep breath and felt his cheeks burning. "I remembered a time before when we were watching this movie." He hoped that would be all he had to say.
Justin nodded his head, having a feeling he knew when the time was. Really, the only year that Justin wasn't in the mood to watch the movie and instead he tried to get Jc in the mood for a lucky Christmas Eve.
"Of all the years we've watched this, you remembered that one, huh?" Justin asked with a smirk.
Jc turned even more red against his will. Justin chuckled softly and moved closer to Jc. 
"You know, that's not something to get so embarrassed about."
"I know..."
"That night is one of my favorite memories."
"Did I give in?" Jc whispered. 
Justin's smile grew even bigger. "Of course you did. You always gave into me. That was one of the best Christmas eves." 
"How is this one ranking so far?"
"This one is at the top," he whispered, slowly kissing Jc's cheek. "Because you've come back to me."
Jc sighed and closed his eyes. Justin didn't want to push him too far so with one last kiss on his cheek, he moved back to his spot. Jc moved over slightly towards Justin laying his head on his shoulder and putting his hand into Justin's again. Both turned their attention back to the movie. 
When the credits were rolling on the screen Justin kissed Jc's head. 
"That's a good movie," Jc said not moving. 
"It is a good movie. Our favorite."
"When did we start watching this movie?"
"It was the first Christmas we shared together. We had only been going out for about six weeks. We had decided not get each other anything. You came home from work with the movie and the mugs we used. I thought you were crazy at first, but you didn't listen. You made the hot chocolate and put the movie in. It was another Christmas that's on the top of the list."
"So I started this?"
"Yes and we just ended up doing the same thing every year. Even if you worked a double shift or if you were tired as hell. We sat on the couch holding hands, drinking hot chocolate, and watched white christmas." 
"We were happy."
"Very happy," Justin confirmed. " Yes, times were rough, but you always were able to make me feel like everything was going to be alright." 
"Is everything going to be alright?" 
"Yes. We have made it through a lot together. We will make it through this. You just wait and see."
"I trust you. I know I don't remember everything and I don't remember everything about you but I know that when I'm with you I'm going to be ok."
"You don't have to worry about anything Josh. I will protect you now. You took care of me for so many years, it's my turn to take care of you."
"Are you going to leave again?" 
Justin was shocked by his question.
"I mean to go sing," Jc clarified.
"If I do leave, I would want you to come with me." 
"Ok, good. Do you miss it?"
"Yes and no. You were more important and when I went on tour I failed at that for awhile. But now that I got you back I'm not going to make that mistake again." 
He felt Jc take a deep breath and move his arm around Justin's waist, snuggling closer. Justin savored every minute that Jc was up against him. It had been so long. 
"You've missed this," Jc whispered. 
"How can you tell?" 
"Every time we get close your heart beats really fast."
"I can't help it. I don't think I could ever express to you how much I've missed you."
Justin looked at Jc and noticed Jc was already looking at him, their faces only inches apart now. 
"I want to kiss you," Jc whispered.
"Are you sure you're ready for that? I don't want to rush..."
But Justin was cut off by Jc's lips softly on his. All the air left his lungs feeling Jc's lips against his again. He wished it would never end. When he felt Jc's tongue roll over his bottom lip he granted it right away and opened his mouth. Their tongues touched and Justin felt a jolt run through his whole body. He knew Jc had felt it too because he shift on the couch to get closer to him. 

Jc sat in the back of the bar slowly drinking a beer. It was open mic night. He liked coming and listening to all the artists who were trying to make it big. The next young man walked on stage with his guitar. He didn't say his name, he just started playing. Jc sat forward in his chair and stared at the young man. He. was gorgeous and sounded amazing. 
After the young man stopped singing, he left the stage. Jc's eyes followed him to the bar. How did this kid not have a record deal? Taking the last swig of his beer, he took a deep breath and walked over to him. 
Justin had seen Jc stare at him while he sang and he wasn't surprised when he came up to him to talk. Their conversation had flowed magically right from the start. By the end of the night, Jc was walking Justin back to his apartment. 
"Thank you for walking me home," Justin whispered. 
"You shouldn't walk home alone."
"Are you going to be ok?" 
"Yea don't worry about me. Are you going to play again at the bar?"
"I try to go every open mic night." 
"Good, because I love listening to you," Jc said smiling.
Justin grinned and felt Jc take his hand lightly.
"Can I kiss you?" Jc asked moving closer. 
"I've been wanting you to kiss me since I saw you watching me sing." 
Jc softly laid his lips on Justin's. All of the air left his lungs. Then when his tongue rolled over his bottom lip Justin couldn't believe the feeling he felt. Jc pulled away and smiled. 
"I'll see you around." 
"You sure will," Justin replied smiling. 
With one last smile Jc turned and walked down the street, his handed stuffed into his pocket. 

When they pulled apart, they were both breathing hard. 
"It's like our first," Jc whispered letting his forehead touch Justin's. 
"Exactly like our first. You remember?" Justin was still trying to get his breath back.
"Yes. I remember feeling like I never wanted to kiss anybody else besides you for the rest of my life. Everything with you is bringing memories back."
"I remember closing the door standing on the other side of the door wishing it was Friday again. I got there early just so that I could look for you." 
Jc laid his head back on Justin's chest and closed his eyes. 
"Are you tired?" Justin asked.
"Yea a little." 
"Let's go to bed." 
"Hmm.. Justin." 
"Yea," Justin replied holding him a little tighter. 
"Is it still alright if I sleep in the other bed?" He asked quietly.
"Of course it is Josh. I told you, I'm not going to push you to do anything. We are taking this at your speed."
"Not everyone would be so patient with me as you are being."
"I don't want to lose you again. I went through that once and I can't do it again. If I try to rush you, I know this won't work and it wouldn't be fair to you."
Jc smiled at him and lightly kissed his cheek. "Thank you."
"Let's go," Justin said taking his hand and walking with him towards the bedroom. 
When they reached the door Justin stopped them. "There's some pj pants in the top drawer and a tooth brush in the bathroom." 
"Thank you," Jc whispered looking down at their hands that were still together. 
"Josh, if at all during the night you need me don't hesitate on coming to get me, do you understand."
Jc nodded his head. "Thank you for getting me today."'
"When you handed me that note I was going to do everything in my power to make sure safe again and with me." 
"Casey is probably really mad." 
"And you know what? We both don't give a damn," Justin said with a smile on his face. He reached up and placed his hand on Jc's cheek."Yes, he may have loved you but he couldn't help you Josh, not like I can."
"I know." 
"Get some sleep ok." 
"Goodnight Justin."
"Goodnight Josh." It took everything in him not to utter the three words he would normally say to him, but he didn't so Jc wouldn't feel the pressure to say it before he was ready.
They went to their separate rooms and went to bed. 

Jc head felt like his head was going to explode. His dreams had become millions of flashbacks. Just as sudden as the good memories started, the attacked came full force into his mind. They were beating him relentlessly. His stomach hurt, his head hurt, he could taste the blood in his mouth. Before he could stop it his mouth opened and he screamed. 
He screamed and then screamed louder, hardly taking a breath in between. But he couldn't get out of his dreams. He was feeling every blow thrown at him like it was happening all over again. 
Wake up, wake up, wake up.
Justin shot up out of bed as soon as Jc screamed the first time. His heart beat hard against his chest as he ran out of his bedroom and into Jc's. Even in the dark he could see his body tossing around on his bed and the screams that were coming out of him were enough to make the hair on the back of Justin's neck stand straight up. Rushing over to the bed he placed his hands on Jc's cheeks. 
"Josh." 
"Please stop." The words came out as a scream. 
"Josh, it's Justin." 
In his dream, Jc heard a soft voice, a comforting voice.  
"Come on baby, wake up." Justin put his hands on his arms and lightly shook him, trying to get him to wake up. 
It was then he noticed Jc's cheeks were wet with his tears and it broke his heart.
"Please...please let me go. Help me, help me," Jc sobbed.
It then hit Justin that he was dreaming about the attack. Cursing, he shook him a little harder.
"Josh your home, please baby. No one is going to hurt you. Wake up."
Jc eyes shot open and he stated at Justin in the dark. Justin could feel Jc's body trembling. Reaching up, he brushed Jc's tears away. 
"You're safe baby."
"I'm sorry," Jc said turning to his side. He buried his head into the pillow. 
"Josh," Justin said concerned. 
"I'm ok."
Justin knew better. He could see Jc was shutting down. 
"I'm ok," Jc repeated, closing his eyes tight. 
"You want me to leave?"
Jc nodded slowly. 
"Ok."
Getting off the bed Justin left Jc's room and went back to his. Laying in bed, he could hear Jc softly sobbing and it was killing him. He wanted to hold him, to tell him that it was going to be alright. But Jc had shut down and pushed him away. He wondered how many times he now had the nightmare of his attack. How many times had he woke up screaming. 
Then he wondered if Casey ever held him or whispered to him that it was going to be ok. Justin shook his thoughts away and tried to go back to sleep. 
Just before he drifted off to sleep Justin heard the door click shut, then felt the bed dip next to him. Opening his eyes he could make out Jc's back. Taking a deep breath he moved over to Jc and brought his arm around his chest. Jc relaxed instantly. 
"Hi," Justin whispered. 
"Hi." 
Justin could tell from the crack in his voice that he was still crying. 
"You're ok Josh. Go back to sleep baby. You're safe," Justin said kissing the back of his neck. 
"Scared." 
"I won't let anyone hurt you."
"Even in my dreams." 
"I'll hold you for the rest of the night.If you feel scared just remember that I'm here." 
"Promise."
"I promise." 
Justin laid his head on the pillow Jc had his head on and pulled the blankets a little higher over them. Once he was comfortable, he softly started singing. 
Jc closed his eyes and let Justin's singing begin to relax him. 

"Sing Justin,"  Jc said snuggling closer. 
"Why do you always ask me to sing when I'm so close to sleeping," he asked through his heavy eyelids.
"Because you always fall asleep before me and I need help going to sleep."
"You need to not think so much before going to sleep."
"I can't help it. Bills are due tomorrow. My mind won't shut down."
"I know," Justin said with a sigh. 
"But we'll be alright," Jc said with a smile.
"And then you always say that," Justin said shaking his head. 
"We have each other Justin. If we end up on the streets it won't matter as long as we stick together."
"We will always be together. There's nothing that can break us up."
"Hmm, I love you Justin."
"I love you to baby, always." 
Justin closed his eyes and started softly singing. 

The next time Justin stretched, the sun was peaking through the curtains. A smiled creeped up on his face remembering that  it was Christmas and he was going to spend it with the love of his life. 
"Merry christmas baby," he whispered rolling over to hug Jc. 
But all he got was cold sheets. Panic shot through his body. Sitting straight up he looked around the room. Jc wasn't there. Oh my god, where was he? Jumping up, Justin run into the living room. 
"Josh."
"In the kitchen." 
Justin walked quickly into the kitchen. His heart slowed a little bit seeing Jc standing by the counter cutting up some fruit. 
"Josh what are you doing?" 
"Making you breakfast. I hope that's ok. We didn't really eat much yesterday so when I woke up and saw that you were still sleeping, I thought I would surprise you," Jc said turning around to place the bowl of fruit on the tray. 
Justin looked at the table and saw the tray with two plates and two cups of coffee and now the fruit. He was going to bring it to him. Justin felt his heart melt to the floor. God, he loved this man. 
"I was going to bring it to you but you beat me to it," Jc said starting to take the plates off. 
"No Josh, wait."
"What?"
"Let's go eat in bed."
"Are you sure?" Jc said looking down.
"Yea I'm sure," Justin replied picking the tray up. "Come on, baby."
They walked back into the bedroom. Justin set the tray down and turned back to Jc. 
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"Making breakfast, but I have to tell you, you scared the shit out of me when I woke up alone."
"I'm sorry. I didn't think.." Jc said almost tearing up. 
"Josh baby, no I'm not mad," Justin said quickly putting his hand on his cheek. 
Jc took a steadying breath and nodded. "Merry Christmas Justin."
"Merry Christmas Josh," Justin said moving closer and gently kissing him. 
Pulling away Justin looked over at the plates. "Let's eat before it gets cold."
"Ok." 
Sitting down they started eating in comfortable silence, enjoying the breakfast Jc had made. After they were finished Justin placed all the plates on the tray then sat the tray on the floor. He watched Jc play with the hem on the sheet. 
"What you thinking about Josh?" 
"Nothing," Jc mumbled keeping his head down. 
"Stay here, I have something to show you," Justin said getting up and going out to the living room. 
A minute later he came back with a large book.
"What's that?"
"Get comfy and I'll show you," Justin said with a large smile. 
Justin sat back down on the bed and crawled under the covers. "You don't look comfy."
"Ok I'm getting comfy," Jc moving under the covers and sitting next to Justin. 
Once Justin was satisfied, he opened the book. 
"Is....is that me."Jc asked. 
"Yes our first pic together."
"How long ago?" He looked so different. Not so skinny and happy.
"Hmmm...." Justin said thinking. "We just hit five years in November." 
"That's a long time. You include this past year even though we were apart." 
"It is," Justin replied turning the page. "And of course I do. Even thought we were apart, I belonged to you. I wasn't going to let you go that fast."
"Who is that?" Jc asked pointing to picture of an man and woman.
"Those are your parents." 
"My parents." 

"Mom, Dad, can I talk to you minute," Jc asked, walking into the living room. 
"Of course sweetheart, what's on your mind?" Karen asked.
Jc took a deep breath and sat on the couch. He felt like he was about to drop a bomb on his parents and there was no easy way to tell them.
"Josh, what is it? You look worried," Roy said sitting next to him.
"I met someone."
"That's great," Karen said with a smile. "Tell us about her."
Again, Jc took a deep breath. He looked down at the floor then back up at his parents, trying to steady his heart from beating so fast.
"His name is Justin. I'm sorry I never told you before, but I'm gay. I've know for a long time."
Karen and Roy looked at each other with out saying anything, then back at Jc. Karen placed her hand on his cheek and smiled at him with reassurance.
"We love you Joshua, and no matter who you love. Nothing will ever change our love and support for you. If you met someone you like and want to spend your time with, then we are happy for you."

"They said that they loved me even though I was gay." 
"Yes, they have been very supportive," Justin agreed.
"They like you?" 
Justin laughed a little. "Oh yes, they love me," he said wiggling his eyebrows.
"Are you teasing me?" Jc said giving him a look.
"Maybe a little." 
"Have they been worried about me?" 
"Very. We have been in constant contact since we learned you were missing." 
"So they have been looking for me too?" 
"Yes. A lot of people have missed you Josh."
"I never meant to worry people." 
"This wasn't your fault Jc, you know that, right?"
Jc nodded his head and looked down back at the pictures. "That's the lady you were with when we saw each other at the tree place." 
"Yes that's my mom and my step dad."
"You look a lot like her." 
"Everyone says that. I don't see it," Justin said looking at the picture. 
"You are full of it," Jc said nudging him in the arm. 
Justin laughed and turned the page. They went through a few more pages of pictures where Justin told Jc stories about every single one of them. Jc even had a few more flashbacks.  
"What are our families doing today?" Jc asked, staring at a picture of himself with Justin and both of their families together.
"Celebrating Christmas." 
"Do they wonder what we are doing?"
"Probably, but they know we need time together."
"Ok," Jc said turning back to the photo album. 
"Don't worry baby, we will see them soon." 
Jc simply nodded his head. They finished the photo album. 
"That helped a little, thank you," Jc said quietly. 
"Do you remember anything?"
"I just get snippets of random things. I'm really trying not to get frustrated  with it."
"We are moving too fast. Baby, I don't want you to get frustrated."
"No, we're not going too fast. Thank you for all that you have done for me Justin. I really can't thank you enough. Without you coming back into my life, I wouldn't have been able to remember everything that I have so far, and..." Jc stopped talking and felt a blush creep up on his face. "And from my memories and from our time together these last couple of days, I know how easy it was to fall in love with you."
Justin couldn't help but smile at him. "I don't want to ever lose you again. Just tell me if this is all going too fast for you and we will slow down."
He shook his head. "I don't want to slow down. But I wouldn't mind taking a nap for a little while. Will you lay with me?"
"A nap sounds great."
Justin laid down next to Jc and pulled the covers up around them. He was surprised when Jc curled his body into his and laid his head on Justin's chest. Justin put his arm around him and softly rubbed his back.
"Your heart is beating hard again," Jc whispered with a smile.
"Hate to tell you this, but when it comes to you, that's how my heart always is."
"I don't mind it at all."
Justin kissed the top of his head and pulled Jc closer to him. He couldn't believe after a year of heart ache and searching, the man he loved more than anything in this world was wrapped in his arms again. They could stay like this forever and he wouldn't complain.
Feeling Jc relax even more, he knew he was about asleep. When his breathing evened out, Justin knew he was going to be out for a while. Closing his own eyes, Justin fell asleep too.

The week after Christmas flew by. Both Justin an Jc's parents came out to visit them a few days after Christmas. Justin was worried it was going to be too much, too fast for Jc, but Jc insisted that they come. He wanted to see his parents, and was happy when they were visiting. He even had a few more memories and because of it, he was able to feel more at ease with them. Both set of parents were relieved to see Jc doing so well, and couldn't help but notice that everything seemed almost normal between Jc and Justin. Their parents left with promises of visiting again soon.

"So what's planned for New years eve?" Jc asked, now the day before New years eve.
"What makes you think something is planned?" Justin asked.
"Because, it's you. Something always seems to be planned."
Justin laughed. "Alright, yes. We have plans to go to a party tomorrow night. You up for it?"
"Yes," he said without a second thought. "Is it something we've always gone to?"
"Every year."

The next night after finishing getting ready they headed for the door. 
"Now if at any time you want to leave you tell me. You understand," Justin said fixing Jc's collar. 
"Ok." 
"Alright, you ready?" Justin asked taking Jc's hand and opening the door. 
"Wait Justin."
"What's wrong?"
"Is hmm....is Casey going to be there?"
"No. We didn't know Casey before this and I don't think our friends did as well.  There won't be too many people there."
"I don't want to see him again."
"We won't baby. Let's go have a good evening."
"Ok." 
Leaving the apartment, they made their way to the car. 
"How far away is this party?"
"About forty five minutes away. Lance and Michael live more in the city."
Jc nodded his head. Justin put the car in drive and started making his way to the highway. Out of the corner of his saw Jc playing with his hem of his coat. This was a new nervous habit of his that Justin noticed him doing often. He noticed it was any hem on anything. The only time Justin noticed that Jc didn't go it was when they were touching or laying in bed.
"Josh."
"Yea," he replied as he stopped and looked up at Justin.
"Baby, you don't have to be nervous."
"I know," Jc said going back to playing with the hem. 
Before they knew it, they drove up a long driveway. Parking the car Jc noticed a lot of cars. 
"There a lot of cars here, Jus."
Justin made a quick look over at him. It had been the first time he called him that since before the accident. It was a  nickname for him that only Jc could call him. 
"What's  wrong Justin?"
"You haven't called me that since before the attack."
"Oh, you don't like it?" Jc asked, worried.
"No, no, no it was your nickname for me. I loved it. You said that you were the only one who could call me that, and..."
"If I heard anyone call you besides me, that I would beat the shit out of them,"  Jc said finishing Justin's sentence with a smirk. 
"Yes," he said with a big smile and turning the car off. "It was good to hear you call me that again. Let's go party." 
"Alright, I'm ready."

Once inside their friends cheered and clapped. They were all so happy that Jc and Justin were together again. After getting some drinks handed to them, they started making the rounds to talking to friends. Drinks and food were being passed along with a tons of laughs.
During a few times during the night, Jc had a few flashbacks of hanging out with their friends. He recognized Lance and Michael, and even their good friend Chris was there. It made Jc feel more at ease during the night.
A little later in the evening, Justin and Jc got separated for awhile and when it got closer to midnight, Justin was getting concerned. He hasn't seen Jc for a little while.
"Lance, have you see where Josh went?"
"Yea, I saw him heading up to the roof."
"Thanks."
Justin grabbed their coats and quickly made his way up to the roof. Opening the door he noticed Jc standing near the edge, looking over the city. Justin felt a lump in the back  of his throat. Something was wrong. Slowly, he walked over to him. 
"Josh, baby you ok?" 
"Yea, I'm ok. Just got a little overwhelmed and needed some space."
"I'm sorry."
"It's ok, really. I'm ok Justin," Jc said turning towards him. "You have no idea how much this past week as meant to me. The way you have made me feel. I don't even know the words that could express this." 
Justin stared at him, tears were starting to gather. He watched Jc looked down at his watch. 
"It's only a minute to midnight, what's your wish Justin?"
"I got my wish when I found you." 
"You want to know what mine is?" Jc said taking Justin's hand into his.
"Yes."
Jc looked up at Justin, their blue eyes meeting. "For me to say three words that I've wanted to say since Christmas. I just wasn't ready to say them then."
Justin held his breath. What he had been hoping for was finally coming. Jc leaned into Justin, pressing his lips onto his, giving him a sweet simple kiss. They heard cheering from below them and on the streets. It was midnight.
"I love you Justin." 
Justin opened his mouth to say something, but shock prevented anything from coming out. Instead, he placed his hand on the back of Jc's neck and pulled him closer. Justin kissed him hard and deep, passion and desire running strong in his kiss. When they pulled apart, they were both breathing fast. 
Jc waited for Justin to say something back to him, mainly the same three words he had just said, but Justin was standing there in a state of surprise, staring at him. He was starting to get concerned.
"Justin."
Quickly, Justin recovered. "God, I love you too Josh. I love you so much, I can't even tell you how much."
Jc sighed with relief. "I thought you weren't going to say it." 
"I'm sorry, you just shocked me. Of course I love you."
"So, me being in love with you shocks you?"
"A little, yes. But only because I had convinced myself so many times before that if I ever found you, it would never be the same and you would have moved on, be loving someone else. You saying those three words to me shocked me, but I've never been so happy to hear them in my life."
"I love you Justin," Jc said again, placing his hand on his cheek.
"I love you too Josh. Do you know that five years ago on this night, at the same time, you said I love you to me for the first time?"
"I...I did?" Jc stuttered.
"Yep," Justin said putting Jc's coat on him. 
"Will you tell me." 
"Yes, but how about inside?"
"No, tell me out here, away from everyone." 

"Justin, we are going to be late," Jc yelled at the door. 
"Oh hold your pants on. It's, just Lance and Michael's party," Justin said coming out of the bathroom.
"Your hair looks fine, let's go." 
"Who said I was playing with my hair?" Justin replied wiggling his eyebrows.
"Well,  if you were playing with something else then why didn't you call me in to help you?"
"Oh, is that what we want to be doing right now?" he asked, walking up to Jc with a big grin on his face. "I think we can make time for that."
"We are already late."
"Aww..."
"Come on babe. We will have plenty of time later for that."
"We better."
Jc shook his head and pulled Justin out the door.

Later that evening, it was a few minutes before midnight when Jc and Justin walked out of the party to the rooftop. 
"It's pretty up here," Justin said looking over at the city lights. 
"Its cold," Jc said wrapping his arms around himself. 
"Well, I will have to warm you up then," Justin said wrapping his arms around Jc.
"It's almost midnight," Jc replied.
"It is, you have one minute." 
"A minute, huh?" Jc said with a smile. 
"What's your wish Josh?"
"My wish?" Jc said giving him a confused look. 
"Yes. Tell me a wish of your quickly," Justin said looking at his watch. 
"I love you." 
"Wh...what?" Justin stuttered in shock, looking up at Jc.
Jc lightly chuckled at his reaction. "You heard me right. I love you, Jus."
Justin couldn't help the smile that came across his face. "You love me?"
"I'd be an idiot not to, don't you think?"
"Josh. I love you too," he said wrapping his arms back around Jc.
"I was hoping you would say that."
"We'll, I'd be an idiot not to love you too, don't you think?"Justin said with a laugh.
Jc placed his hand on Justin's cheek and looked into his favorite blue eyes that he loved so much. "My wish is that we will be in love for the rest of our lives." He moved closer until their lips were barely touching. 
They heard cheering coming from the streets telling them it was midnight. The start of a new year.
"Kiss me," Justin whispered.
Jc quickly pressed his lips to Justin's where they passionately kissed under the stars.

Justin finished telling Jc his story and took his hand into his. "What are you thinking about?" He asked Jc.
"Have you noticed that even though we spent the last year apart and that I don't remember much, it's almost like events in our relationship our repeating?" Jc tried to find the right words to say. "It's like maybe...God wish I could get out what's in my head," said frustrated and bringing his hand up to his forehead. 
"Josh shhh...baby, I get it," Justin said putting his hand on his boyfriend's cheek. 
"Ok," Jc whispered putting his head now. "I know I'm probably not going to remember everything about what we did or the dreams we had talked about before the attack, but I still am in love with you. I still want to be with you. Forever."
"Good, because I wasn't going to let you go," Justin said with a smile. "I was going to keep fighting for you and let you take as much time as you needed to come back to me because from the moment we met I knew we were meant for each other. You were the one for me baby." Justin pressed a kiss to hisforehead and pulled Jc into his arms where he comfortably laid his head against Justin's chest.
"I love you."
"I love you too baby."