“You’re going to have to make it again.”

She narrows her eyes at me as I slide it back across the counter.  “What’s the problem, sir?”

“Just use this.” I sigh harshly as I pull the measuring spoon out of my back pocket.  “It has to be exactly this much sugar.”

“You work for somebody don’t you?”

I flash her a tight smile, and she seems to get it, goes to make the coffee after that.

It’s a relief, but I know it won’t last long.  When I get back, I’m sure there will be another project waiting for me.  Is it what I asked for? Not really.  When I was hired, I thought about how great it was going to be, working for one of the most sought after celebrities in America.

After a month though, I knew it was nothing more than a grueling, thankless job.

If somebody asked me who the most selfish person in the world is, I wouldn’t hesitate to tell them that it’s London Pierce, or well...Sarah Moggins, but nobody is supposed to know that.  Nobody is supposed to know about a lot of things when it comes to her, and that’s my job...to be discreet and cater to her every desire.  Trace always asks me why I stay, says that I could probably get a good job working for somebody else.  I ask myself that same question a lot too, and actually, I’ve had a few job offers this year.  Great ones, that I know could help me achieve what I really want to do....break into the spotlight and become an actor myself.

But I turned them all down, and I guess that’s because part of me knows that if I were to leave...she wouldn’t have anybody else.  She may be a complete bitch, but she still needs somebody to take care of her, since nobody else will.  Her people seem to cease and desist as soon as they can, and they tell me all the time that I’m the only one who has the stomach to handle her.

I guess they’re right, but I’m a lot more resilient than most.  I’m not like these rich yuppies.  I didn’t come from money.  I came from a poor family that had too many kids to feed, was out of the house by the time I was eighteen. I moved out here, to LA, and worked my way up through the bowels of society.  I’ve waited tables, worked at kiddie arcades, I was even one of those guys that stands on the sidewalk, wearing a big sign or ridiculous costume to lure people into a business.  Eventually I was able to meet some people, get a halfway decent job, and obtained enough credentials on my resume so I could work for the elite.  A year after working in the industry, I was referred to Sarah.  She had just made a name for herself (not her real one of course), finished filming her first big movie, and it was decided she needed an assistant to help her with her busy schedule.

I was offered an interview, so I took it, because it was a huge opportunity despite all the bad things I heard about her.

“You’ll do I guess.”  She said to me.  “Just make sure you don’t call me Sarah in public.  It’s Ms. Pierce or London.”

And that was that.

Five years later I’ve become somewhat of an expert at scheduling, errand running, and keeping somebody else’s life organized.  Hell, I could probably write a book about it.  My social life doesn’t exist, outside of my best friend, who I rarely see.  I don’t get holidays, or weekends to myself.  Even if it’s my designated day off, I’m still on call, and I usually find myself doing work rather than relaxing.  I live in her house, travel with her, and she sees to it that I’m always doing what she wants and never the other way around.

At times, I feel like I’m her little lap dog.  If Poppy wasn’t around, I’m sure I would be the one she called ‘schmoopsy poo’ when she got bored.  I would have to put up with it too, not complain, or it could cost me my job.  It’s not that I’m afraid of being unemployed.  I’m good at finding work.  I guess I’m just afraid she’d tell anybody that would listen, that I was unreliable or untrustworthy, anything to deter them from giving me a job.

I’d have to move back home, and that’s the last thing I want to happen, so I stay and put up with the shit she deals out to me everyday.

“Two thirds of a teaspoon, right?”  She says it to me when I finally get back to the set.

I’m panting harshly, desperately trying to catch my breath, because I ran.  She gave me fifteen minutes, and after five years, I know all too well that she times shit like that.

“Yeah.”  

She takes the coffee, sniffs it, stirs it, and takes that fateful sip.  I hold my breath.

“It’s cold, Justin.”  She rolls her eyes and pushes the cup back in my face.  “God, go put it in the microwave would you...oh...just forget it.  I can’t stand twice heated coffee.  Thanks for nothing.”

I take it from her gently, my teeth gritted, and at times like this it takes everything in me not to go off on her.  “Sorry, London.”

“Just check my phone messages in the trailer.”  She waves me off, in disgust, and goes back to looking at the empty movie set.  “Oh, and don’t forget to pick Hailey up.  After you drop her off, make sure you come right back here.”

“Will do.”

“And if she asks to come here with you, make sure you don’t give in.  I don’t have time to deal with her clinging to me today.”

“Fine, London.”

“Fine?”

“I mean...” I trail off and suck in a breath, before exhaling slowly.  “Yes, London.”

“Hmph.”

She goes back to ignoring me.

I do as she asks, thankful to be rid of her for at least an hour while I check her messages and compile a list of everything she’s been asked to do.  I keep my eye on the time during this process, making sure I’m not late to arrive for the best part of my job.

Besides Trace, I think Hailey is probably my best friend, even though she’s only nine.  She doesn’t act like it though.  From the time I met her, when she was four years old, she acted like a little adult.  We have conversations that most children never have with people twice their ages.  She teaches me things I never would have thought about otherwise, like how to cope with a father you only see about every two years, and how to deal with a mother who treats you like you’ve always been a mistake since you were born.  She goes to a really fancy school in Beverly Hills, an all girls academy, that teaches her to mind her manners and speak like a intellectual.

If you ask me, I think she’s been robbed of her childhood.  As sad as that is too, I wouldn’t expect anything less from Sarah.

One thirty hits and I rush out of the studio so I won’t be late picking her up, thankfully not getting stopped by Sarah, because she’s filming a scene.  I get into the luxurious Mercedes, the one that I chauffeur her around in half the time, and drive the twenty five minutes to the Archer School For Girls.  I see them all lined up out front as usual, in their stuffy looking black jumpers, and I quickly park so I can get Hailey out of that prison as fast as I possibly can.  I’ve never told Sarah, of course, but her daughter absolutely hates going to this school.  She says the teachers are mean and most of the girls are stuck up.  

It amazes me that Hailey hasn’t gotten an ego like her classmates, with a mother like Sarah.

“Hey Monster,” I smile when I walk up and reach the spot where she’s standing.  “You ready?”

She groans and wraps her arms around my legs before looking up at me.  “Get me outta here, Justin.”

I laugh a little, and ruffle her blonde hair slightly before gently pulling away and taking her by the hand.  “So school wasn’t good, I guess?”

“Let’s not go there.”

I smile, and open the door for her when we reach the car.  “Sounds like a plan.”

“Can I visit with my mom?” She asks me hopefully, once we’re on the road again.

I clear my throat and try not to look over at her.  The last time she asked me that question, and I did that, I ended up giving in, even though Sarah told me she didn’t want her around that day, either.  “She’s in the middle of filming.  She said she’d see you later.”

Not a sound, not even a sigh, and I can’t help but finally look at her.  It hits me right in the gut, seeing that cute little girls head hanging so low.  I know she’s trying really hard not to cry.  She hates crying too, tells me its a weakness.

She needs to get out more.  

“Hey, maybe we can do something.”

I shouldn’t.  Sarah will kick my ass if I don’t come back to work.  

“Really?”

Her brown eyes have completely lit up at the idea of doing anything entertaining after school.  She never does.  I know her routine.  I pick her up, drop her off at Sarah’s massive house, and leave again.  I know that sometimes a couple of girls from school will come over to play, but the friendships never last.  She doesn’t keep friends for long.  She has a hard time being social.

Gee, I wonder why.

“Yeah,” I say, against my better judgement.  “How about we have a pizza and go to a movie?”

“You really mean it!”

I laugh, happy that I’ve been able to brighten her mood.  “Of course I mean it.”

“I love you, Justin,” she smiles.  “I love you a lot.”

“Well, I love you too, Monster.”

Yeah, I’m glad I made the kid happy, and I would never break my promise to her right now.

But I know there will be hell to pay later on, when I see Sarah again.
*********
Hey, you’ve reached Justin Timberlake, please leave a name, number and detailed message so I can get back to you...

I click the phone off, grit my teeth and shake my head furiously.  

“Where the fuck is he?”

I redial, nearly breaking a perfectly manicured nail because I’m pressing the keys so hard.

The studio’s limo was out on a job, and so I had to...to take a taxi home.  Anything could have happened to me in that car with that strange man.

It smelled funny in there too and there was a piece of gum stuck to the ceiling.

I had to scrub myself for an hour in the shower to feel like myself again.

One ring, and then...

Hey, you’ve reached Justin Timberlake...

I’ll fucking kill him.

Well, no, I’ll fire him first, and then I’ll kill him.

Did he quit?  No, no he wouldn’t.  He couldn’t.  He’s stuck with me this long, and I mean...Hailey is with him....

Speaking of my daughter, I guess I should be concerned where she wound up too.

I guess I’m too angry.  Too angry to care because my assistant has gone awol and I have all this shit I have to do.  None of my appointments are straightened out for tomorrow.  I don’t have my detailed list of them in chronological order or Justin to stand here and read them off to me while I sip my tea, steeped for three minutes and half a packet of Sugar in the Raw, a touch of cream in my special cup that Justin prepared for me.

I can’t do any of that myself! I wouldn’t even know where to start.  God, what if I miss that Barbara Walters interview I’ve been working so hard for? What if she called...what if she thinks I’m blowing her off?  It could end my career.  

My career is over, and it’s all his fucking fault.

God, I’m gonna puke.

And I do it, but it’s better anyway.  Too many calories at lunch today, and I’m still trying to burn off that baby fat from my pregnancy nine years ago.  I was overdue for a nice big hurl.

I flush, and sink down to the floor, attempting to catch my breath partially from the hurl and partially because of how angry I am.  I close my eyes and think back to a time before Justin was around.  How I was a broke struggling actress with a daughter to feed and no support.  Was I different then? Was I as harsh with people, was I as angry?  I don’t know, I can’t remember because that version of myself has been gone since my daughter was three years old.  I fell into the movie biz, and started doing stupid comedies that weren’t exactly praise worthy, but got my name mentioned to the right  people.  A year later I was cast in my role of a lifetime, with George Clooney, and my career just...took off.

Now, I’m one of the biggest superstars in America...a Hollywood starlet if you will.  Next month, I’m even doing French Vogue, and releasing my perfume line to the international market.  I can’t wait to go.

Justin was referred to me a few months after that movie premiered.  My agent found him through one of his contacts, told me he was very intelligent and was the type of person I had described to him originally when the idea of hiring an assistant was brought to the table.  To be honest, I haven’t had much to complain about.  Of course, I’m the type of woman who keeps people on their toes.  You have to be like that in this business, otherwise you’ll get stepped on, walked all over, and I refuse to take that kind of crap from anyone, especially my employees.  I would never admit it to Justin of course, but he’s been the perfect assistant up until now.  He follows orders, races to get his tasks completed, and he takes care of my daughter on the side so I don’t have to hire a nanny.

In fact, this is the first time he’s ever done something so out of line.  Maybe something happened...

I just can’t seem to make myself believe it though.  Whenever somebody does something like this, it has to mean that they’re betraying me for their own selfish desires.

I’ll kill him.

When I step out of the bathroom again, I immediately hear my front door opening and shutting again.  The sound of my daughter throwing her crap on the ground and running through the house echoes in the foyer, and then I hear Justin’s voice come next, telling Hailey to pick up her things.  I rush through the hall and out to the foyer, determined to back him into a corner before he can run and hide from me.

“Let her leave her shit there.” I say to him darkly, hands on my hips as I narrow my eyes at him.  “What do you care anyway?”

Justin swallows hard and takes a couple of steps backwards.  “Hi, Sarah.”

“And just where the hell were you this afternoon?”

He shrugs.  “I picked up Hailey. Then I took her out for pizza and a movie.”

“Oh how sweet.”

He just stares at me, because my tone was less than believable.

“Did it occur to you, Justin, that I would be stuck at the studio?”

“I...I thought somebody would have brought you home.”

“The limo was out.”

He continues to stare at me.

“So where did that leave me you ask? Well, they were so kind as to call a cab company to pick me up.  So I had to ride in a dirty, disgusting, cab.  With a strange, disgusting, man, who now knows where I live!”

r32;r32;“I’m um..I’m sure they wouldn’t have let just anybody drive you home.”

“That’s not the point, is it Justin!”

He hangs his head low.  “No, no I guess it’s not.”

“I might have to move now! He knows where I live! There’s no telling what can happen from here!”

I see a hint of a smile on his face, before he bows his head and rubs his hand across his mouth.  It’s obvious that he thinks this whole thing is a big joke, because he’s trying not to laugh.  “If I fire you right now, will it be funny to you too?”

He looks at me long and hard, the light in his eyes fading away to nothing.  “This close to French Vogue, Sarah?  I mean, if you fire me it is what is it, but I have no idea who you’ll be able to hire and fill in this close to the trip.”

He’s right.  He’s right and I hate him for it.  I really do.  I’d be lost without him at this point, while everything is coming together for me career wise.  My agent would agree too, tell me I can’t afford to lose such a competent assistant at this juncture.

I have no choice but to keep him on the payroll.

It’s not fair.

“Fine...fine I guess I need you, for now.  Consider this a probationary period.  When we get back home, we’ll sit down and discuss your performance.”

He smirks.  “Whatever you want, Sarah.”

“So...getting back to the point, what made you think it would be okay to take my daughter out, feed her crap and force her to watch crap too?”

“I took her to that organic pizza place, and we saw a Disney movie.” He rolls his eyes.  “The kid had a rough day at that school you keep her at.  I wanted to make her feel better, that’s all.”

“Well you’re not her parent.  I am, and I’m the one who says where she can spend her time.  She should have been home, doing her homework and practicing her piano.”

“That’s no life for a kid.”  

He blurts it out, but then a look takes over his expression, like he knows he forgot himself.  

“It’s the life I want for her,” I say darkly.  “Don’t do it again, or I’ll have you out on your ass, regardless of what’s going on.”

“Noted,” he nods.  “Next time I’ll check in with you.”

“Hmph.”  I turn on my heel and walk away from him.  Naturally I can hear him following behind me, as always.  He’s used to it, knows to never leave my side unless I tell him it’s time.  “So did you check my messages or were you too busy gallivanting around LA?”

“I have a list for you.  Do you want tea now or later?”

I sit down on one of the bar stools that surround the kitchen island and cross my arms.  “Of course I want my tea now.”

He just nods, and gets to work.  I watch him, how methodical he is about making it for me.  He has it down to a science with the steeping, and stirring, and sugar pouring.  Something inside of me sinks...it’s like he’s my slave, not my assistant.  Five years he’s been doing this very same thing almost every night of the week, and he never, ever complains.

Come to think of it, he never complains about anything I make him do, and I don’t think it’s because he’s scared of me either.

I don’t really know what it is.

You don’t deserve him.

Maybe it’s true, but at the same time, I can’t afford to be without him, despite my threats.

I can’t afford to be without him...or is it that I’d miss him?

It’s too scary to think about.

“Mom?”

I look back over my shoulder and see Hailey standing there, already changed into her pajama’s like a good kid.  I manage to smile for her, as only I can.  “Yes, Hailey, what is it?”

“Will you lay with me for awhile?”

I feel his eyes on me, and when I look back at Justin, I find that he’s leaning against the kitchen counter, surveying the conversation I’m having with a smirk on his face.  I send him a glare, but he just laughs and goes back to his tea preparation.  

“I can’t tonight,” I tell her.  “I’m busy going over things with Justin.  Mommy has a big trip to plan.”

She frowns.  “You never want to lay with me anymore.”

“I have to work, Hailey.  You know that.  How else can I afford to give you all of these wonderful things?”

“Never mind.”  She says it softly, and then walks out of the kitchen without looking back.

“Don’t worry,” Justin finally says after several moments of silence.  “In a year she won’t even ask you anymore.  Then you won’t have to deal with it.  It’ll be like you never had a kid at all.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”  I ask him roughly as he slides my teacup over to me.

“Exactly what it sounds like.  You want her out of your hair, and you’re definitely on the road to success.”  

He takes a seat across from me and plops a notepad down on the island top.  I see that his scribbled writing goes on and on, and that means we definitely have a lot to go over tonight.  

“Are you trying to say I don’t care about my daughter?”

“Oh no, I’m not trying to say that.”

I nod.  “Good, because if you did say that...”

“I know you don’t care about her.”

My eyes widen and I feel my cheeks burning as I look up at him again.  He’s staring me down this time, his eyes narrowed, his expression serious.  I know he’s not playing around, I know he cares about Hailey, but at the same time my relationship with her is none of his business.  “You have a hell of a nerve.”

“I’ve worked for you five years.  I know everything about you, everything about your daughter.  Not once in the five years I’ve worked for you, have you ever taken her someplace as simple as the movies or out for pizza.  In fact, I haven’t seen you spend more than a couple of hours with her a week.  You barely talk to her, Sarah.”

“I’m busy! You know I’m busy!”

“It doesn’t matter how busy you are!”

He’s never yelled at me before today.

It shocks me so much that I can’t even say anything.  All I can do is sit here and stare at him.

“Look, I’m busy too...busier than you are.  I have no life, because I’m running yours, and I still have time for your daughter.  I mean, is that fucked up or what?”

“She’s part of your job.”

“She’s not.  My job isn’t to be a nanny.  I’m your assistant.  I spend time with Hailey because she’s a good kid that deserves to have somebody in her life that loves her.”

“I love my daughter.”

He leans forward, so his face is directly in front of mine.  “Then start acting like you do.”

“Where’s this all coming from?” I pull back slightly, so his breath isn’t as hot in my face anymore.  “You never seemed to care one way or the other, before.”

He shrugs.  “I’m not going to be around forever.  I want to make sure she’s going to be okay with you.”

I snort out a laugh.  “I’m not firing you yet.”

“That doesn’t mean I won’t find something else better to do with my time on my own.”

“Is that...are you threatening me?”

He sighs harshly.  “You’re not understanding the point of this.”

“Am I supposed to?”

“Let’s just get down to business, all right?”  

He starts to flip through his notes, and I sip my tea, trying to process everything he said to me, and force my frustrations away so I can focus on work.  

“So what...is there somebody else you’d rather work for or something?”

“Sarah...let’s just...”

“No, I want to know.  I’m curious.”  I flash him a sarcastic smile.  “I’d love to know who would want to hire an idiot like you.”

He shakes his head.  “I shouldn’t have even said anything.  I’m not getting into it with you, okay? Just leave it alone.”

“Well you brought it up, so lets have it!”

He glances up at me, as if he’s debating it.  “I turned them down, if that’s what you’re so curious about.”

“Turned who down?”

“It’s not important.  I just had offers, good ones, but I decided to stay.”

He looks back down at his notes.

“Oh so this is the part where I promise I’ll start to be nicer, or something?  Did you script this yourself?”

He laughs at me.  “No, and you being nicer would never happen.  I don’t want anything from you, Sarah.  I’m concerned for Hailey’s happiness but there’s not much I can do about it.  You’re going to do what you want, despite my best efforts to give you a wake up call.  Now, let’s get to work, so I can go to bed at a decent hour.”

“Five years and you’ve never said anything like this to me before.”

He shrugs.  “I don’t think I’ve ever been this angry at you before.”

“Angry?”

“Number one,” he says, reading from his notepad.  “You’ve been asked to be part of a fundraiser for Breast Cancer.  In or out?”

“Why are you angry at me?”

“In or out?”

I ball my fists up, ready to punch him.  “When?” I say it through clenched teeth.

“Week from tomorrow.”

“Who’s going to be there?”

“Everyone.”r32;

“In.”

He notes it on the paper.  “Number two...”

“Justin.”

“Number two.  They want you to read for a new romantic comedy next Friday morning, but you’re supposed to do Ellen.  So we need to figure out what you want more.  The role or the publicity.  I say go for the reading, since you’ve already done her show twice.”

“Why are you angry at me?”

“I’ll call Ellen and cancel.”  He makes another notation.  “Number three...”

“Fucking damn it!”  I pound my fist on the table.  “Answer me!”

“Sarah, why do you care?”

“I...”

Christ, I really don’t know.  Why do I care? I’ve never cared what he’s thought of me before.  I treat him like vermin, like I’m too good for him, and that’s been fine with  me up until tonight.

What the hell is going on?

“I...I don’t know,” I finish saying.  “I shouldn’t.  I don’t really want to care...I just...I don’t know.”

“I’m angry at the whole situation.  How you treat me, how you treat Hailey.  I’m tired, Sarah.  I haven’t had a vacation since I started working for you, but it doesn’t even matter.  I’m used to it, and I guess I was stupid to think I could get through to you.”

“I’ll live how I want to live.”

“Yeah, I know.”  He looks down at the paper again.  “Number three.  Barbara Walters wants to do that interview, finally.  She says she can do it the beginning of next month, but that interferes with the trip to France, so what should I tell her?”

“So I’ll give you a vacation then!”

He stares at me, his face drained of color at the idea of a vacation.

It hits me hard that I’ve never given him one.  That’s harsh...yeah, it really is.  I need to wake the hell up.

Because I don’t want to lose him.

“You wouldn’t make it past the first day,” he mutters.  “What am I going to tell Walters? You’ve only been drooling over this interview prospect for months.”

“Cancel what you have to.”

“French Vogue?”

“When do you want to take your vacation?”

“You’re going to cancel French Vogue?” He laughs.  “You can’t be serious.  I’ll call Walters and see if we can reschedule her thing so we don’t have to cancel the trip.”

“Fine, whatever. When do you want to take your vacation?”

He stares at me, his pen paused on the paper, mouth a gape, like he can’t believe what he’s hearing.

“I’m serious, Justin.  You deserve at least a week after five years.”

“So I’m just supposed to leave all of this on hold to sit around for a week?  Have you forgotten that I live here too?  I won’t be able to stop myself from handling things.”

“So go somewhere.”

He laughs at me.  “You’ll be calling me the first day.”

“I’m...I’m capable.”  I clear my throat nervously.  “I’ll still have Ray to handle some things, and I can...I can keep track of stuff on my own for a week.”

It all sounds great, but in reality the whole idea makes me nervous as hell and I can feel another hurl coming on.  Justin is like...my security blanket at times.  Even though I have body guards, having him at my side always reassures me.  When I get nervous, as I tend to do very often, he’s right there with my coffee and unrelenting smile.  When I get tired, he’s right there with a pillow and an uncanny place for me to take a short nap.  When I’m hungry, he’s by my side with a bag of food.  When I’m sick, he whips out his emergency doctor kit and gives me exactly what I need The crazy thing is, most of the time, I don’t even have to say anything.  He just knows what I need, regardless of the situation.  It’s like when a baby cries...you just know what to do.

Still, despite all of this, I treat him like a piece of garbage everyday, and I’m fine with it.  

So’s he.

That’s really starting to bother me.  God, maybe I’m having a life altering experience or something.

When Justin starts laughing again, I know he thinks I’m as incapable as I feel.  Maybe he’s right though.  Maybe I’m incapable of making appointments, or handling my career on my own.  I’m usually too stuck in my own little bubble to see things clearly like he can, and I guess if it wasn’t for everything he does...I’d be nowhere, career wise.  

“No.  It’s fine,” he shakes his head and starts jotting things on the notepad again.  “I don’t need a vacation.”

“Well you were complaining enough about not getting one!”

“I was frustrated with you.  I should have known enough to keep it bottled up inside of me like always.  Really, just forget about it.  I’m not about to keel over or anything, it is what it is.”r32;

“You really have no faith in me,” I moan.  “You think I’m an airhead, don’t you?”

He looks up at me, sighs, but still flashes me that genuine smile of his.  He always gives it to me, no matter how much I’m berating him, no matter how long my lists of tasks for him seem to be.  I just don’t get it.  I don’t understand how he puts up with me.

Fuck, I just admitted it to myself.  I’m the most difficult, selfish person in the world.

But it’s safer this way.  I know that better than anyone.

“Sarah, I don’t think you’re an airhead.”

Out of everybody, he’s the only one who chooses to call me Sarah when we’re out of the public eye.  Everybody else seems to find it easier to just call me London.  Not him.  I think he hates that name.  

I do too, but Ray says it’s more appealing to the public and looks better on the big screen.

“I just know how you can get,” he continues.  “One thing goes wrong and it’s the end of the world.  You couldn’t handle say...if somebody needed to reschedule.  You’d probably curse them out, and lose the interview or cover photo shoot all together.  You can’t afford it, and so...I’m going to stay right here, on the job.”

“Maybe I can hire a temp.”

He cracks up.  “I’d hate to bestow this job on anybody, even if it is only for a week.”

I frown.

“C’mon, focus,” he says, his laughter fading away.  “Let’s go over this itinerary for your week in France.”

“Why did you decide to go into this type of work anyway?”

“Day one...”

“Justin, come on.”

He groans.  “I’m not going to get to bed tonight am I?”

I shrug.  “I’m just curious.  I mean, it’s not exactly the most glorifying job...chasing me around and making sure I don’t fuck up.”

“I fell into this job.  Before I worked for you, I was an assistant to a lot of directors and producers.  I chose to be a PA to get my foot in the door so I could move onto to bigger things.  Isn’t that what people do in LA?”

“Mostly...yeah, I guess so.”

He nods.  “Okay, so day one...”

“So what did you really want to do?”

“Why the sudden infatuation with my personal life, Sarah?  You never cared before.”

“I guess I just...maybe I should have asked you a long time ago.”

He smirks.  “It really doesn’t make a difference, does it? I’m here to do a job and you’re here to be London Pierce, superstar.”

“Maybe I just don’t think it’s fair that you know everything about me, while I don’t know anything about you.”

“It’s my job to know everything about you.”

“So?”

Great comeback.

He sighs, and leans back in his seat.  “If I give you a little insight can we move on with work?”

“I guess that’s a good compromise.”

“I wanted to be an actor, so I came out here.  I had a few auditions, but it wasn’t working out, so I started doing odd jobs around town until I fell in with a couple of people who brought me into the industry, and here I am today.  Satisfied?”

“Is that the Cliffs Notes version?”

“It’s the only version you’re getting.”  He sits back up and sighs, before looking down at his notes again.  “Day one...France TV 4 wants to do an hour segment on their morning show with you, then you’ve got some radio interviews, and an appearance at Le Bon Marche for the perfume line that evening.  Ray promised them you’d do a signing for a hundred purchased bottles.  If security does their job right, we can probably have you out in about two...two and a half hours.”

I feel a smile pull at the corners of my mouth, and I start to look at him, really look at him for the first time ever.  I can’t deny that he’s handsome with those blue crystal eyes and killer smile, his curly, sometimes frizzy, light brown hair.  I’ve never thought of him in that way before, but it’s the truth.  I know he works out too.  I’ve caught him in my gym on numerous occasions, shirtless, lifting weights on the bench press, or running on the treadmill.

He definitely has the body for this business, that’s for sure.

God, no.  No I can’t think of him like that.  He’s my damn assistant.

And besides, Hailey’s father promised he was coming into town next week.  It’s another chance, another shot at making things work with him.

It’s the only thing I wish for, but it never seems to work out.  Probably because I’m not good enough for him.  I’m trying to be though. I’m trying to be that woman that he wants, for the sake of our daughter.

“Sarah, did you get all of that?”

“Huh...oh yeah...”

He laughs sadly.  “Right, and I’m supposed to take a vacation.”

“I got it...TV, radio, signing, bullshit.  I can handle it.”

“How about we finish this tomorrow.”  He picks up the notepad and slides off his seat.  “It’s been kind of a crazy day anyway.  We both need to sleep.”

“Okay, I’ll make us breakfast.”

“You have to be at the studio for nine...”  He trails off, shakes his head.  “See what I mean?   You need me here.  Not as your friend, but as your assistant, and that’s why I choose not to get personal with you.”

I can’t say anything.  I feel horrible, but he’s right.  I don’t even know where I’m supposed to be tomorrow, or what time, and arriving late to set is never good, no matter how famous you are.  “Maybe you’re right.”

“I know I’m right.”  He starts to walk past me, but pauses and squeezes my shoulder a little, like a good friend would.  “Just...get some rest, all right Sarah?”

“Make sure my coffee is ready before we leave in the morning.  I want it from the cafe, and it better not be cold,” I say, in my usual tone, hating myself for it, but knowing that this is the way things have to be.  

“Will do.  Night Sarah.”

He walks off, disappears into my massive house, and I know I won’t be seeing him again until the morning.

“London! Top left! Top left!”

“London, this way!  Big smile!”

She twists and turns on the pink carpet, dazzling the cameras with her million dollar smile as the flashes snap off, one after the other.  I’m in my usual spot, at the end of the row, holding her gaudy purse (a prototype for the unreleased line) and waiting patiently as she makes her way down the line of photographers, with Roy an arms length away.

“How are things at the house?”

“Normal,” I say gently, barely making eye contact with Ray.  I can’t right now, I can only focus on her because I guess...

I guess I’m worried.

I don’t know.  Whatever it is, I definitely don’t want to talk to Ray about it.  He panics at the slightest thing that goes wrong, just like Sarah does, and five years of experience has taught me it’s better to keep my mouth shut about certain things.

Sarah smiles at me as she turns towards the next section of photographers, and of course I return it.  

She’s doing okay today, she’s having fun right now and that’s saying a lot because usually she whines and complains about doing things like this.  She woke up this morning and told me that she was excited to be attending the Breast Cancer benefit.  She even asked me if I could help her figure out what to wear, and when her stylist arrived, it was my opinion alone that helped her decide how she wanted her hair.  It was good, a change from how the rest of the week went.

While she’s been about a thousand times better when it comes to our working relationship, mentally...she’s still not doing well at all.  She’s still vomiting constantly, in supposed secrecy at home, even though I can hear her clear as day and Marcia can too.  I’m pretty sure she’s skipping meals whenever she can, always talking about losing ten or fifteen pounds before Paris when we’re working out the details.  I’ve quietly voiced some concern with her, which she’s basically laughed off, just called me ‘cute‘ for caring.

But I’m not being cute.  I know she’s getting sick.  It’s transparent, written on her face.  When the lights go down and I bring her home, I see her for what she is ...a shell of a person.  When that makeup comes off, that bronzer and other shit that gets smeared all over her when she goes in to film, she’s as pale as a ghost...weak, tired, and run down.  She’s always up before I am lately, and it scares me, because I usually come down, dressed and ready to go out and grab Sarah’s morning coffee by six.  It means she isn’t sleeping well.  I’d say I don’t understand why, but I do...I understand all too well.

She’s under too much strain, and...she may have started using drugs.  Which ones, I don’t know, and I’m too scared to find out.

Between her filming schedule, her endorsements, the photo shoots, the interviews, and the meetings, she barely gets a second to herself.  Then, she turns her attention to her kid when she finally has the time.  Lately, anyway.  She’s been doing really well in the parenting department, and Hailey, in turn, has been much happier, and more free spirited.  When I pick her up these days, she’s all smiles.  School isn’t such a torture for her anymore, because Sarah talks to her about it, and deals with the issues like she’s supposed to.  I really am proud of her.

But I know what kind of a toll it’s taking.  There’s just not enough time in the day for her to get everything done and still get a break.

Seeing all of this unfold in front of me, proves that she wouldn’t have lasted very long if I had gone through with my plans, and quit on her.  Even with me here, she’s barely holding it together, and that’s only because I’ve been racing around like a maniac to make sure she gets where she needs to be and does what she’s agreed to do.  I’m really tired too, I can’t deny that, but at the same time...I know how to take care of myself.  I eat decent, sleep when I’d rather be doing other things, and make sure I get into the gym at least twice a week.  I was doing all of that before of course, but I guess...ever since our talk, she’s changed a lot, respects me a lot more and treats me like a valued member of her team.  It’s given me that boost I need I guess.  It keeps me going.

I guess I can say that I’m glad I stayed, even though...the reason I made that decision wasn’t because I felt bad for her.

I have issues of my own, that I knew I wouldn’t be able to deal with if I started a new job.  While Nick Cage would have been the ideal boss, he also would have needed a hundred percent of my focus the first couple of months, probably with no real breaks.  When I got that phone call from my sister, I knew there was no way I could have given it to him.  Not if I needed to take a week off so soon.

It was good to hear her voice.  It’s been months.  She’s busy with school and the part time job she works to help dad out.  At first I thought she was just calling to say hello, to catch up with me and make sure I was ‘surviving’.  She knows my job can be stressful, even though I haven’t gone into specifics with any of my family members about exactly who it is that I work for.  The most they know is that I work for somebody in the entertainment industry, and that’s been good enough for the past five years.

But my sister is going to find out who I work for all too soon.

“Dad is getting laid off.”  She said it in the middle of our carefree conversation, like she couldn’t hold it back anymore, but felt guilty as hell for springing it on me like that.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes...”  she trailed off and I heard her whimper slightly . “They might close the factory too.  We won’t know for a couple of months, but in the meantime dad is out of a job starting next Monday.  I...I don’t know what to do.  He says I might have drop school if he can’t find a job soon.”

“You’re not dropping school,” I said sternly.  “You promised me...no matter what happened...”

“I know what I promised Justin!  Why do you think I feel so bad!”

“What about the boys?”

“The garage isn’t doing so well either.  I mean, they aren’t going to close, but they aren’t making enough to pay for my tuition on top of everything else.  Harvey is going to take over dad’s bills for him as it is.”

My brothers opened their own garage and auto supply store shortly after I left.  We don’t speak.  They hold a grudge against me for leaving.  What they really wanted was for me to work for them and help the family.

But I couldn’t do that.  I couldn’t face the truth about mom.

I still can’t.

I sighed harshly, and mentally began to calculate my income.  After my mother’s medical bills, I was left left with about a thousand dollars a month to live on.  I didn’t need much.  Sarah let me eat her groceries, drive her cars, and live in her house.  If I gave the rest of my check to Charlotte to cover her school fees, I knew it wouldn’t be the absolute end of the world.  

I knew I could still survive as long as I still worked for Sarah.

“I can help you out,” I said quickly.  “I can give you about nine hundred...maybe a grand a month if you really need it.”

“Justin...I can’t...you can’t...”

“I can.  It’s all right Char.  I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t have it.”

She sniffled and sobbed into the phone.  It took every ounce of stamina inside of me not to break down too.  Out of all of my siblings, I had always been closest with my sister.  She was younger than me, but she was also the one who understood me the most, and didn’t hold it against me when I decided to leave.  I missed her, and I wished I could have been there to hold her instead of listening to her cry over the phone.

“I really wish I could see you,” she finally said.  “I miss you so much, J.”

So I did what any good, caring brother would do.  I took a risk, even though I was sure Sarah would hate the idea of me having a visitor.  “So I’ll get you on a plane...next month.  You can come out here.”

“To Los Angeles?”

“Yeah, of course,” I chuckled.  “I’ll give you a tour.”

“I thought you...you were too busy for a vacation.”

“I think I can work something out.”

That’s when I decided to finally use Sarah just like she’d always used me.  I would stay on for my sisters sake, I would get my vacation, and I would finally be able to spend time with her after five years.  I needed that, I realized, very desperately.  So, after we get back from Paris, I’m taking the following week off to spend with my sister.  I already talked to Trace, and he’s welcomed us to stay at his place for the week.  I’m so thankful for him, and I have no idea why he’s still friends with me, because I barely see him.  He sticks by me, but I guess I would do the same for him if our roles were reversed.

“The director of the new movie called me last night.  The one she read for last week,” Ray continues.  “She got the part.  Filming starts the week you get back from Paris.  While you’re away, I need you to make a detailed outline of next month for me, so we can work her agenda around the filming.  She’ll wrap this one up next week, so you won’t have to worry about her filming two movies at once.”

I should be happy for her.  This role is no oscar winner, but the movie should be one of those summer comedies that turns into a blockbuster.  It will give Sarah’s career the next boost up that she’s been looking for, and I guess I’m happy for her....

At the same time though, I know what this is going to mean.

“Well I sort of...I was going on vacation when we get back...”

“Vacation?” He snorts.  “Justin, you know I completely understand that you work your ass off.  London and I really appreciate that too.  Just this morning on the phone she was going on and on about how wonderful you are.  But right now, she has a lot on her plate.  We can’t afford for you to take a vacation right now.  I promise, once the holidays come around, you can have all the vacation time you need.”

I should have figured.  Sarah, naturally, has no idea what kind of effort is involved for me to take any kind of a vacation.  If she feels she has nothing for me to do, Ray will give me a reality check.  He’s right.  There’s a ton of shit going on, that I need to make sure gets taken care of, because Sarah won’t be able to do it without me.

But fuck...my sister.  I need to see her.

“My sister was supposed to come out,” I murmur, and shove my hands in my pockets.  “I haven’t seen her in five years, Ray.”

He’s quiet for several moments, and I know he probably feels a little bad.  He’s not a cold hearted guy, he knows people have lives, but this business comes first, and of course I understand.  

“So have her come out.  She can stay at the house.”

“Oh I don’t know,” I say quickly, and let out a nervous laugh.  “I mean...”

“Why not?  There’s plenty of room at London’s and I’m sure she won’t have time to care who you have there.  It’s your sister.  It’s not like you’ll be having sex on the couch.”

I swallow hard.  “No...we won’t be.”

“Fine, then it’s settled.  She’ll stay at the house, and you’ll still be able to work and get to spend time with her too.  All good?”

The last thing I want to expose my sister to is this business.  It’s too cut throat, and I know how sensitive she is.  If she sees the crap that goes on with Sarah, I know she’ll tell me I need to get out of LA.  That’s not what I want.  I don’t want to go back home, and I guess that part of me that was so driven once upon a time is still convinced that I’ll be able to have the career I want one day.

And I guess the other thing about it is, I don’t want Sarah to know the details of my personal life.  I don’t want her worrying about me, about the things that have happened to my family, and continue to happen.

She has enough issues.

“Justin?”

I finally look up at him.  “Yeah, yeah that sounds good.  Thanks, Ray.”

“Perfect.” He winks at me and slaps me lightly on the back before focusing his attention back on Sarah, who has finished her photo op for the evening.

“I forgot how much fun that was.” She grins and holds her hand out for her bag.  “How’d I look, Justin?”

I hand her back the purse and flash my best smile for her.  “Like a star, as always.”

“You hear that Ray?” She giggles.  “I’m a star.”

“Yeah yeah,” he huffs and steps forward, giving her a gentle pat on the back.  “Let’s get inside before your ego blinds me.  Oh, and by the way...you got the part.”

She squeals.  “No way!”

“Way.”

“Omigod, Justin!”  

She throws her arms around me, which takes me by surprise, but I let her do it, just because Ray seems so pleased and there’s nobody waiting to get by us.  

“Isn’t it great?,” she says, not releasing her arms from around me.  “I just know it’s going to be a big summer hit!  That means my name will probably come up for something big in the fall!  It’s like everything is finally coming together...Justin...”  She pauses and pulls back from me, smiling as she stares into my eyes.  “You’ve been great.  You really have been.”

“It’s nothing, London.” I nod and smile.  “I was doing my job.”

“Well whatever.  You definitely deserve that vacation that’s coming up.  I’m not letting anything get in the way of that.”  She loops her arm through mine.  “And I’m going to let you be my date tonight.  You never know...somebody might spot you and cast you in a movie or something...”

“London...”

“And you haven’t said anything about my bag.”  She pulls me along, beyond Ray, even beyond Roy who immediately races to catch up with us as we head inside.  “What? Is it too tacky or...”

“Listen.”  I stop her once we’re through the doorway and stare back into those eyes of hers.  They’re brilliant tonight, the little gold flecks lit up like a thousand little pieces of a kaleidoscope, and I’m halfway lost in them before she snaps me out of it.

“What? What’s the matter?”

“Um...”  I sigh, and rub my forehead, squeezing my eyes shut so I can collect my thoughts.  “I can’t take that vacation right away.  There’s too much to do.”

“Bull.  Is this Ray’s idea?”

“Well it’s just that...”

“Ray!  RAY!”

There’s no stopping her when she’s determined, and I decide to shut my mouth as Ray comes over to us and she starts screaming at him like she used to scream at me.  Better he gets the heat I guess...but at the same time I don’t want to deal with this either.

“It’ll be like a vacation.” I hear him say.  “He’ll have downtime, London.  It’s just that right now...”

“No Ray! I promised him!”

“He’s fine with it!  Justin...aren’t you fine with waiting?”

“Of course,” I manage.  “It is what it is.”

She huffs harshly and places her hands on her hips.  “Well I’m not happy with that.  I’m not happy at all.  I made you a promise, Justin.  It’s not fair.”

I’m proud of her for realizing the realities of life, but there’s no other choice.  “I wouldn’t have agreed if it wasn’t vital for me to stay on the job, London.  You have a lot going on and...”

“His sister is coming into town,” Ray interrupts.  “She’s going to stay at the house, and they can spend time together.  So in a way, he’ll get to have some sort of vacation.”

I feel sick to my stomach, while Sarah just seems more excited about that idea than ever.

“You...you have a sister?” Sarah says, her eyes wide and curious.  “You never told me that.”

I shrug.  “I didn’t really see the need.”

“Well...well this is just...awesome!  I mean, who better to have around than another girl, right?  How old is she?”

“Twenty one,” I mutter.

“Even better!  We can go shopping and gossip about how you used to act when you were a kid!  Just think, I’ll finally be able to get a full unabridged version of your life story, and you won’t even have to say a word!”

“Great,” I say, sarcastically.  

“Oh lighten up.”  She rolls her eyes and nudges me in the ribs.  “It’ll be fun!”

I hope she’s right.
**************
“So I guess we’ll be seeing more of each other, huh?” He smiles slyly as he whispers it in my ear, and I can feel his face getting closer and closer to my neck as the seconds pass.  

I swallow the pills with my champagne, some uppers, just to give me the boost of energy I need for the rest of the night, and laugh softly as those lips finally land on my neck, causing my heart to beat furiously in my chest.  “I guess so.”

“You know, I told them.  I told them there was no way I would take the part unless you were going to be my co-star.  I guess they took me seriously.”

Chet McStevens is one of the hottest stars on the radar this year.  An up and comer from a sitcom on Fox, he’s really been making his way up the movie chain since he came out of television.  He has talent.  More than I’ve seen in awhile.  Doing a movie with him, I know, is going to be huge for my career.  I can tell how excited Ray is about all of this.  He knows it’s going to bring in more revenues and more career opportunities than we ever thought possible.

I’m happy.  I am.

I guess I’m just hoping that I can keep up with everything.

I look out over the balcony, surveying the glamourous nightclub below, as Chet continues to kiss my neck and I continue to give into him.  I see Justin at the base of the stairway that leads out onto the night club floor, guarding the entrance so nobody can come up here and spy on us, since Roy is doing his usual laps to ensure my safety tonight.  It was fun being with Justin at the benefit.  So many of my colleges came up to us when they saw him on my arm, curious as to who he was and what kind of role he played in my life.  They thought it was sweet when I told them all he was my assistant, told me they wished they could treat their ‘people’ more like that.

But as I’ve come to realize, Justin is a lot more than just part of ‘my people’.

He’s a friend.  At least, I think he is.  I don’t think he would have gone through what he did to drive Alex away otherwise.

I’m looking forward to meeting his sister, and even though he can’t get the full vacation I wanted him to have, I fully intend on giving him as much ‘down time’ as possible while she’s here.  I don’t know why, but I really want to make a good impression on this girl.  I’m not sure what he’s told her about me, if anything.  My guess is she doesn’t even know who her brother works for, because Justin is so damn private about everything in his life.  I’ve been racking my brain over the past week, trying to figure out what could have happened that’s made him so closed off.  I guess it could be a lot of things.  Family sticks out in my mind, mostly because he’s never discussed them with me, or with anyone.  I know how that is.  My family is long gone and I do my best not to think about them.  My dad left when I was three and mom ran off with husband number five while I was pregnant with Hailey.  I haven’t heard from either of them since, and I hope I never do.

“How about we get out of here,” Chet whispers in my ear, drawing my attention away from Justin and back to him.  “I’ll take you back to my place.” His hand inches its way up  my thigh and underneath my dress.  “Maybe we can rehearse some of those lines,” he laughs.  

“Well I...”  I smile at him, and gently push his hand back to where it belongs.  “I have to be on set in the morning.”

He pushes to get his hand back where it was, and dazzles me with that smile of his once again.  “So I’ll bring you.  C’mon.  I think it’s the perfect time for this...you know, a stepping stone to our working relationship.  You’re a beautiful woman, London.  I'd love to spend more time with you off the set if I can.”

I don’t really keep boyfriends.  Partially, because I’ve been waiting for Alex to finally give in for all these years, and also because...I don’t have time.  Now that Alex is out of the picture, I’m sure Ray would love for me to pair myself up with somebody like Chet, get my name floating around in the tabs, create a media frenzy.  I’d get more offers, more endorsements.

But something is holding me back from giving in to him tonight.

And I’m not sure what it is.

“I should get back home tonight.  My sitter will be pissed if I make her sleep on my couch.”  I flash him a dazzling smile, push his hand away from me, more forcefully this time, and slowly start to get up from the comfortable sofa.  My head starts to spin immediately, once I’m on my feet, and I find that I’m staggering around, not able to find my own way to the staircase.  I guess champagne, uppers, and that hurl I took in the bathroom after the benefit weren’t the best mix.

I have to lose that weight though if I want to look my best in Paris, and my...weight loss, makes me tired, so the pills help...

I don’t know anymore.

I think I might...I think I might be losing my grip a little bit.

But I can’t.  I need to learn how to handle all of this, because other people do it, and they’re just fine.  I know they are.

“Whoa...” he laughs and grips my arm right before I’m able to fall to the floor.

“Sorry.” I laugh stupidly. “I’m a little...drunk, I think.”

“It happens to the best of us.”  He pulls me closer to him and starts kissing my neck once again.  “Come on, come with me.  I’ll take care of you.”

I’m starting to get drowsy.  Everything is spinning and I find that my eyelids are starting to droop.  I need pills.  More pills.  “Can you get my pills?” I whisper as he continues to put his hands all over me.  “I need more.”

“You’ll be fine,” he reassures me, and gives me a light push so I’ll walk forward.  “I’ll take care of you.”

I barely here him.  I just let him guide me forward to the stairs, and he helps me walk down them slowly, but surely.  The bass gets louder, and deeper, as we reach the night club floor, and then we’re right at the foot of the stairs.  I see Justin, holding my purse, his arms crossed, scowling because I’m sure Chet is still kissing my neck.

“You ready to leave?”

“It’s all right man,” Chet says.  “We’re going back to my place.  I’m having a party.”

He stares at me, but I can’t even look at him.  I’m starting to feel sick, and so I just lean my head against Chet’s broad chest.

“I’m not letting you take her anywhere like that,” Justin protests.  “London, come on...I’ll get you home.”

“Okay...”

He reaches out for me, but Chet pulls me back, away from Justin and closer to him.  “I said we’re fine.  Get lost.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see the neon lights from the club flash across my assistants face.  I can tell how angry he is, how much rage has filled his eyes, because he knows what’s best for me.  He really does, and I shouldn’t...I shouldn’t go with Chet...

Who knows what will happen if I do?

“I said she’s not going home with you.”  Justin storms towards us, rips me from Chets arms, and shoves him backward.  r32;

“Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“In charge,” he mutters, and drapes one of my arms around his shoulders.  “She’ll see you on set.”

I don’t even say anything.  I can’t.  I’m too much of a mess, too drowsy, too weak. I just let Justin lead me away, not caring that I may have just ruined a really great opportunity.  Ray...Ray will probably be angry later.

But I can’t focus on that right now.

“London.”  

The fresh air hits my face, and I realize quickly that Justin has gotten me back outside the club.  I hear shouts, screams of my name, and I can feel the flashes from the camera’s all around me.  “Hmm.”

“C’mon, stay with me.  Roy’s getting the car for us.  London...”

My head droops and he keeps me close to him.  “I messed up,” I whisper.

“Messed up?”

“With Chet.  He wanted me to...”

“It’ll be fine in the morning.  He would have...just...don’t worry about it.”  He reassures me and props me up higher.  “What’d you take up there?”

“Nothin’.”

He sighs.

“London! London!”

Flash Flash.

I feel Justin get shoved at some point, and he swears loudly, curses at them to get back.  By this point, I’m just delirious, and then I feel somebody on the other side of me, gripping my arm harshly, pulling me forward.

“What happened?”

Roy.

“I don’t know.  She was about to leave with that ass, Chet.”

“Good thing you caught her.  You know the type.”

“Yeah.”

I’m put into the back of a car moments later.  My head hits the soft leather seat, somebody sits down beside me, and then I hear the door slam shut.

“Sarah.”

When my eyes open again, I find that I’m being cradled in his arms, and he’s staring at me with more concern in his eyes than I’ve ever seen before.  Sure, he’s been telling me lately that I look sick, that he knows I’ve taken my diet to the extreme.  I blow him off because I can handle it.  “Hey.”

Justin caresses my cheek, brushes some hair out of my eyes before smiling at me slightly.  “I need to know if you’re going to be okay.”

“Mmhm.”  

My eyes close again.

“I can take you to the ER.”

I shake my head, and my body seems to force me to drift off to sleep.  Just before I do though, I can feel...I can feel a touch of lips to my forehead, and I know they’re his.

“I...I’m worried about you.”

It’s the softest of murmurs, and I guess...if I was more coherent, not a train wreck that’s gotten mixed up in pills and puking every night to gain self respect, I would thank him for this, because...deep down, he’s probably the only man in my life that cares about me, Sarah, instead of London Pierce.

But I can’t.

“I thought you said they were going to be discreet!”

“I...fuck...”  I sigh heavily and look at Roy, who seems just as overwhelmed.  “I guess the word spread once that batch of paparazzi started tailing us at the airport.”

She rubs her temples and closes her eyes.  “I haven’t been left alone since we got off the damn plane.  I’ve been smiling so much that it’s starting to hurt and I’m hungry, tired, and irritable.  I’ve had exactly thirty minutes inside my hotel room.  If I get out of this car right now, I’ll probably punch somebody, Justin.  I mean it.  I want a path cleared, right now!”

“All right.”  Roy shifts toward the limousine's door.  “I’ll see what I can do.”  He knocks on the window, and the door is opened slightly for him.  The flashes and shouts of her name cause me to nudge Sarah to the side and sit in the path of the camera’s so she won’t be bombarded, or blinded by the countless flashes going off.  Naturally, I have a million spots in front of my eyes by the time Roy actually gets out and the door is shut again, but I know it’s worth it.  Irritable Sarah isn’t one that I want anybody to see right now.  She has her image to uphold, and so far, she’s been on top of her game, being polite to the television executives, and smiling for the fans awaiting her arrival at the airport terminal.  For the first time ever, I witnessed her signing autographs out of the goodness of her heart.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so poised, so together before.

Once again, it’s a step in the right direction for her, and while I’m proud, I really feel like I need to start distancing myself.  She just expects me to talk about my family, about mom.  She doesn’t get it.  She doesn’t know how hard it is for me, and how much harder it’s going to be to face it all with my sister coming.  Charlotte is going to want to talk, and there’s no way I can ignore her or change the subject.  I’ll just have to deal with it, face the issues with my family for the first time in years.

But I’m not going to deal with anything before I have to.

“You promised me...you said I would get to eat here, Justin!”

Right now she’s slipped back into total London mode, and I know it’s because she’s tired, but really...I’d prefer not to deal with her right now.  I don’t want to snap at her, because I’m just as tired and irritable as she is, if not more, and one of us has to keep their heads at the moment.  “You will.  Just be a little patient, and let Roy handle it.  It’ll just be a couple of minutes.”

“A couple of minutes?” She scoffs.  “Did you see how many photographers are out there? I’m fucking surrounded.”

She’s shaking.  It’s the nerves.  They’ve always gotten the best of her when it comes to the paparazzi and I understand.  They can be animals, scary at times.  She could get hurt if we’re not careful.  “Look, it’ll be okay.”  I say it gently, and rub her shoulder a little.  “We’re not getting out of the car unless it’s safe.”  

She whimpers, like she can’t believe what I’m saying, and I’m about to console her again when my phone rings.  It’s Roy, and I breathe out a relieved sigh as I answer.  “What’s it like out there?”

“It’s bad.  They’ve surrounded the entire area, including the back of the place.  Some of them are even inside, waiting.  They’ve ordered food so the management told me that they can’t force them to leave.  If she goes in...I doubt she’ll be able to eat properly.  It’s not safe.  We’re going to have to skip this.  Ask her where else she’d like to go.”

“You’re sure?” I do my best not to meet Sarah’s gaze.

He sighs heavily.  Roy’s not an idiot.  He knows the type of tantrum Sarah will probably throw because of this news.  He wouldn’t tell me no unless he absolutely had to.  

“I’m sure.”

“Thanks.”  I end the call, sigh harshly, and force myself to look at my boss.  “Sarah, it’s not safe.  We can come back another day...there must be another place...”

“There’s no other place!” She screams.  “You should have planned this better!”

I just stare at her.  It’s been months, and she hasn’t talked to me like this once.  

“You’re such a damn idiot!” She continues.  “You...you don’t know what to prioritize, Justin!  What am I going to do now, huh? I could have been at dinner someplace else an hour ago!”

“Well I...”

“Just forget it.”  She crosses her arms harshly.  “You’re just incapable of having common sense.  Take me back to the room.”

“Sarah...”

“Do what I say!”

I lick my lips, and grit my teeth in frustration.

Same old Sarah.

I guess I was stupid to think her good attitude would last, especially after I decided to blow her off like I have.  Things are getting back to normal.  It’s what I wanted, after all.

The door opens, more flashes in my face, more shouts of LONDON! Then Roy manages to get in the car and the door slams behind him.

“Where to?” He asks.

It’s completely silent, and then the limo starts to move.

Roy leans forward, and a gives us both a strange look.  “You gonna tell me...”

“Hotel,” I say quietly, rubbing my forehead with my hand.  

“Right.”  He picks up the house type phone and tells the driver where to take us, hanging up harshly once he’s finished.

Nothing else is said.

We pull up to the Four Seasons about a half hour later.  Thankfully, the amount of photographers has dwindled down dramatically.  There’s only a handful, and a small gaggle of school kids, fans, waiting for her with their autograph pens in hand.

“I’m not stopping Roy,” she says gruffly as the limo slows to a stop at the curb.  “Get me inside.”

“Of course London.”

He and I exchange glances.

Tonight isn’t going to be a good night for any of us, at this rate.

Roy gets out first, as always, to survey the situation and talk to the doorman.  Sarah and I sit in absolutely silence.  I’m afraid to say anything, because if I do and she doesn’t like it, she’ll start screaming at me again and I can only put up with so much of that in a day.  

Roy knocks on the window about ten minutes later, and I open it a crack.  It’s normal procedure.  It means he’s worked out a plan in his head to keep Sarah away from the people who made her famous, and it’s my job to understand it all and make sure it goes smoothly.  

“I’m going to open the door, you get out first, and wait at the bottom of the stairs.  London, I’m going to help you out of the car and we’re going to walk quickly to Justin, and he’ll follow behind us.  Sound good?”

“I don’t care how you do it,” Sarah grunts.  “Just do it!”

He nods at me, I return it, and then our plan comes to life.  The door opens, there are screams and shouts and flashes, but they subside when I get out first and the door closes behind me.  None of them know me, none of them care, and I walk casually to the base of the marble steps, doing my best to smile for the awaiting doorman.  He seems nervous, but I’m sure that’s because London wasn’t so nice to him when we were leaving the hotel to head to dinner.  He doesn’t speak English very well, and that irritated her.

Roy and Sarah emerge from the limo moments later, and thats when the screams erupt from the fans and photographers.  She quickly slips her sunglasses over her eyes as the flashes start to go off in her face.  She reaches the point where her fans are standing, most of them young kids...thirteen to fifteen, since thats the market her perfume line was advertised to here in France.  They yell out her name, wave their magazines and flyers in her face, begging her for an autograph.

She completely ignores them, and I mean...it’s something I’m used to from this version of Sarah.  But the new one...the new one would have stopped and spent some time with them.

I guess she’s gone.

“Coffee, Justin.”  She snaps, as they reach the staircase, and Roy begins to escort her up to the majestic looking doors.  “It better be hot when you bring it up to the room.”

“Fine.”

She glances back at me.  “Fine?”

It’s like nothing has changed.  Not one thing.  “Of course, London.”

“Hmph.”

She disappears inside, Roy at her side, and I know my place now.  The gopher, the lackey.

Definitely not her friend.  Not anymore.
************
I made sure I brought Sarah a hot coffee and then I locked myself in my room for as long as I could.  She called me at one point and demanded that I go down to the kitchen and steep her tea personally, and supervise her dinner order.  Of course I did it.  It was so normal, so routine, even though it had been awhile since I’d been ordered around by her.  I fell right into the motions, made the tea and breathed down the neck of that chef until I was satisfied that her dinner (Steamed broccoli and brown rice) was cooked to perfection.

When I brought it up to her, she ordered me to put the tray down on the table in the dining room section of the suite and leave.  I made a small attempt at telling her that I needed to watch her eat, but she had Roy physically throw me out of the room.

He called my room and apologized for that about twenty minutes later, but of course I told him he didn’t need to.  I knew what the deal was.

He said he’ll see me in the morning.

I can’t wait.

In the meantime, I’ve been enjoying the amenities of my junior sweet.  I’ve never been to Paris before.  The farthest London’s career has taken her is the UK for two days, and I didn’t get to see much besides the inside of some shops and restaurants and the building where she did her photo shoot.  Sight seeing had been out of the question.  I remember...she ran me ragged that weekend.  I had a list to fill at Harrods that took me an entire day, and the rest of the time I was at her side, catering to her every desire or stuck in my room catching up on paper work while she and Ray went sight seeing.

It sucked.

And this sucks too, although...I’m determined to get some me time in this week and see some stuff.

The room is huge.  Sarah’s naturally, is the largest they have, but I’m not complaining.  There’s a master bedroom in here, a large bathroom with a hot tub that I fully intend to use later tonight, an eat in kitchen, a living room, and a walk out terrace that overlooks the entire city.  The Eiffel Tower looks amazing from here, and I’m sure when the sun goes down it’ll look even more incredible.

I wish I could share that moment with Sarah.  I know she’d love it...seeing it like that for the first time.

But I can’t.  I fucked up.  I know that, and I’m moving on, going back to the professional relationship with Sarah and nothing more.

I turn off the shower and get out, wrapping a towel around my waist before heading out into the bedroom again.  I pick my phone up from the nightstand and let out a relieved sigh when I realize Sarah hasn’t tried to call or text.  I do, however, have a missed call, and when I peer more closely at the number, I can’t help but cringe.

It’s been years, but I still recognize the number.  Harvey isn’t one for change, and he’s had the same number, same clothes, same shoes for as long as I can remember.  He’s thirty eight now...his kids must be real big.  I smirk slightly, but then it fades.

Why is he calling me?

My stomach lurches, as I think of the worst.  Mom’s passed, I wasn’t there to say goodbye.  Dad’s too distraught to call.  I really don’t want to call him back.

But I don’t have to, because he’s calling me.

With a shaky hand, I answer the call and slowly hold the Blackberry up to my ear.  “Justin...Justin Timberlake.”

“Didn’t think you’d pick up.”  His voice is gruff, and tired.  “Figured I’d just forget about it, but then I decided to give you one more shot.”

“Oh...um...hey Harvey.”

“Charlotte told me she was coming out there in a couple of weeks to see you.  I told her I didn’t want her going out to no Los Angeles, but she’s insisting that she wants to see you, so I’m giving in, but don’t you dare think for a minute that this makes up for anything.”

I do my best not to crack.  The last time we saw each other, it was a brawl that left him with a black eye and me with a bloody lip.  It affected me a lot I guess, messed me up because...because when I was young, he was the one I looked up to, the one who taught me so much about being a man because he was so much older than me.  “I’m not expecting anything from you.  I just want to see my sister.”

“Well that better be all,” he grunts.  “You better not be showing your face back up here when she comes home either.  You just tell her that you have things to do and you can’t come home right now if the subject comes up.”

“I had no intentions of coming home.”

“ ‘Course not,” he laughs, bitterly.  “Why would you?”

I can’t say anything.  The anger is boiling inside of me, threatening to escape, and after so many years, screaming at him over the phone is the last thing I want to do.  

“And another thing.  Momma’s health ain’t what it used to be.  They’re going to have to move her to a different facility.  Somethin’ more expensive.  I’ll have daddy send you out the bill when it comes time.”

“What...how much more expensive?”  I begin to pace back and forth.

It’s my burden, my responsibility, but I’m red lining as it is.  If the bills goes up anymore, I won’t be able pay for my mother’s care, not unless I get a raise, and right now of course...that’s not likely.  

“It’s about three thousand more a month.  I’m sure you can manage, with that fancy job of yours.”

My stomach drops.  “Three thousand?”

“You heard me.”

“Harvey...I don’t know if...”

“I’ll get you the bill,” he says, talking over me.  “And if it’s not paid up, I guess I know what this family has really meant to you all along.  Nothing.”

“That’s not fair.”

He hangs up on me.  I let out a bitter laugh and toss my phone onto the bed.  It’s typical, I wouldn’t expect anything else from him.  I shouldn’t care.

But I do care.  I care more than he’ll ever know.

My room phone starts to ring next, and I know it’s Sarah.  Bad timing.  Horrible timing.  I can’t deal with her fucked up shit right now.  I need to deal with this situation, but she’s not going to let me.  She doesn’t care, just like Harvey doesn’t.  They’re exactly the fucking same.  

“Hello?”

“Where the hell are you?”

“My room?”

“It’s almost eight.  You haven’t briefed me for tomorrow.  I’m waiting.”

“Right yeah...give me a minute.”

“Get off the phone and get up here,” she snaps.  “Now!”

Click.

Fuck.  

I hate everything.

I walk out onto the terrace, contemplate just...jumping off the balcony for the smallest of seconds.  It would feel good to get away.

But I can’t do that to my sister.  She would never forgive me.  So I’ll suck it up, put up with Sarah’s stupid shit and get a good nights sleep...somehow.

I sob, but force myself to stop.
***********
I haven’t hurled and I guess that’s the best thing about today.

I’m an idiot.  I don’t know what I’m doing.  I’m just...so angry.  I’m so angry at him for brushing me aside like so many others have. This is the only way I know how to deal with it.

But Justin doesn’t deserve it.

“Five am wake up call.  Lania will be here by five forty five.”

His eyes are blood shot, and red.  He hasn’t clean shaved in a couple of days, and that tired grown in stubble is there, more apparent than ever.  His hair is messy, not nicely gelled down as always.  Instead of coming to see me in his professional attire, he showed up at the door in jeans and an old tee shirt.  He looked so normal and I wished for a very long moment that I could go back in time and change all the stupid things I said this afternoon.

But I can’t change them.

This is just who I am.

“We have to be at TV 4 by seven fifteen the latest, then we’ll get you to the shoot, after that you should be free until dinner time.  After you eat we’ll get you to the signing.”  He makes some notations on his pad and then looks up at me, rubbing his face tiredly.  “Got all that?”

“Whatever.”  I roll my eyes and lean my cheek against my fist.  “As long as you bring your brain with you tomorrow, it’ll be fine.”

“Will do.”  He gets up quickly and gathers his things.  “Night.”

I watch him stalk towards the door, and I almost let him leave without another word...but I just...I know this isn’t what I should be doing.

After everything, after how far we’ve come and after what he’s done for me, I should be treating him better.  I shouldn’t be so bitter about his feelings, or the things he doesn’t want to talk about with me.

He’s shown me that I’m better than that.

“Justin...wait a second.”

His hand is on the door handle, and I watch his shoulders slump in defeat.  It takes him a good minute to look back at me, and I can tell he’s ready to rip me apart, but he’s hiding it well.  “What else do you need, Sarah?”

“I...”  I sigh heavily and get up from my seat, crossing my arms as I look down at the floor.  “I acted...terrible today.”

He’s quiet for a long time before he finally responds.  “Yeah, I guess you did.”

I meet his gaze.  He’s just done.  I can feel it.  He doesn’t care what I say to him right now.  All he wants to do is get away from me, just like everybody else does.

“Well I...”  I trail off and walk closer to him.  He seems to tense up, so I make sure I keep my distance.  “I want to say that I’m sorry and that I shouldn’t have taken out my issues on you.  I was confused, and I guess I still am but that’s not your fault.  You have issues that don’t involve me and I should have understood that.”

He shrugs.  “That’s fine, until the next time.”

He has a point.  I’m so fucked up that I don’t know when I’ll be nasty and when I won’t be, and while I’ve been trying my best to keep that attitude away from him, I know I didn’t try hard enough.  “I don’t want there to be a next time.”

He takes a small step towards me.  “But there will be.  We both know that.  I thought we could talk now...at least, I thought you could talk to me, because I was willing to listen.”

“But you weren’t willing to talk to me, Justin.  I think that’s why I snapped.  I just...”

“You don’t want to know about me,” he laughs lightly . “Sarah, I’m nothing to write home about, and you don’t need to be burdened with my life.  I liked things the way they were before you even...knew I had a personal life.”

“At least let me know that you’re okay.”

He stares at me for a long time, like he doesn’t know what to say.  I’ve confused him, obviously, but I still want to help if I can.

“I’ll manage.” He smirks.  “Get some rest.”  He turns the handle and opens the door.  “Call if you need something.  I’ll be up for awhile.”

He turns his back on me.

But I can’t do this.  I can’t let him go.

“No...”  I walk up to him and grab his arm, gently pulling him to me before he can get out the door.  Strangely, he doesn’t resist, and when I wrap my arms around his waist and stare up into his eyes, he almost seems a little thankful.

“I can’t do this,” he whispers, his eyes getting small as if he’s holding back his tears.  “I can’t get close to somebody else.”

“Why not?” I whisper, as I reach up and stroke his face gently.  “Why can’t you let me in, Justin?”

“Because I’m a fuck up.  I’m no good.”

“Says who?  Me? I’m...I wasn’t...”

“It wasn’t you,” he sighs.  “It was never you.”

“Justin...”

I’m cut short when his lips brush against mine.  It takes my breath away, because it was so damn unexpected, and when I pull away again I find that there is a tear gliding down his face.  “You’re crying.  Justin...”

“Look I...I don’t talk about anything, with anyone,” he whispers.  “I can’t because it hurts.  I thought working for you was perfect, you know? You didnt’ seem to care about me, and I could just work and be done with everything else.”

“That’s...that’s horrible.”

He nods.  “I know that, but it helped harden me I guess.  I was blind to a lot of things for years and then...then when we kissed I just...”

“You remembered you had a heart in there?”

“I guess so.”

“So let it out.”

He runs the tips of his fingers down my cheek and stares back into my eyes for such a long time.  “I’m scared.”

“So am I.”

But then he kisses me again.  He kisses me again and it’s just like before, in the hospital, when we weren’t thinking about anything else.

And I know it’s real.

I know that he loves me, and that I love him.  It was never fake, it was just something he wanted to hide from.

But I’ll never let him do that again, and when he pulls me back into my suite, through the dining room and into the bedroom, I know he doesn’t want to hide anymore.

He wants me.

My clothes come off piece by piece once my body hits the bed, and I pull his shirt off, undo his belt buckle until there’s nothing left but his boxer shorts and my bra and panties.  He’s on top of me, kissing my face, and my neck, staring back into my eyes with sheer amazement, like he doesn’t know how we got here but he doesn’t want to stop.

“I think I’m in love with you.”

He whispers it, and smiles.  I don’t say anything, I can’t.  I just let him pull the rest of my clothes off, and soon enough his warm flesh is pressed right up against mine.  We make love slowly, softly, there in the bed, more than once, and end up collapsing into each others arms after, just holding each other, his hands slowly running themselves up and down my skin like a thousand soft little kisses on my body.

I know there’s no where else I’d rather be, no one else I’d rather be with.  

“I love you too, Justin,” I whisper.

“God.”

I look up and smile as she comes out onto the terrace.  “Feel better?”

She runs her hands through her hair and shakes it out a little bit as she walks toward me.  “Now that I’m out of that stuffy dress.”

I pat the spot beside me on the small patio lounger.  “C’mon.  Sun’s about to set.  It’s our last chance.”

She shuffles over quickly, giggling as she reaches me and plops down beside me.  I don’t hesitate to pull her close and circle my arm around her waist as she leans her whole body into me.

I wish every night could be this way.

But I know once we wake up tomorrow, life will become as hectic as always again, with one small exception.

That we’ll be together.

I never thought I could become attached to her so fast.  It’s only been a few days, and already I can feel it.  That I’m just...deep.  Deep into this thing with her, and I don’t know...it’s good. In my heart, I know it’s good, that she’s good for me, and I’m good for her.  Part of me is still afraid I guess. Just...afraid that something will get screwed up like everything else in my personal life, and I’ll lose her.

I can’t think like that though.  I have to stop.  I have to because...

Because I can’t remember the last time I was this happy.

“I wish we could stay.” She says it softly, as she leans her head against my chest and I run my free hand through her long wavy brown hair.  “Just for one more day.”

I kiss the top of her head, breathe her in for a long moment before I smile.  “We’ll come back.  Together, just us.  It’ll be for fun and not for work.”

“Hmm, promise?”

“Of course.”

She looks up at me, smiles, and then presses her lips against mine.  We get lost in the kiss for a long time, before we’re finally able to stop and take in the view.  The sun is setting over the Eiffel Tower.  We just made it.  Her interviews ran longer today, and we got delayed by the media after dinner.  Sarah didn’t lose her cool though.  She just held my hand, and allowed me to calm her down while Roy and a few police officers figured out the best way to get us all out of there safely.  It was the new her, the one I liked, and knew everybody else would too once we got back home.  I’m looking forward to that new start with her.  It’ll be different, a change, and maybe...I’ll be better off because of it.  Maybe it will help me to forget some things, and overcome a lot of shit that’s been burdening me for years.

“So your sister is coming right when we get home?”

Shit like that.

“Uh...Tuesday.”

She nods a little.  “Well I can get myself to the set...”

“No, it’s fine.  I can still do my job while she’s here.”

“I don’t want her to think I’m some kind of slave driving bitch.”

I laugh.  “She won’t think that.”

“Well she’ll be the first.”  She rolls her eyes and runs her fingers up and down my chest.  “I mean, I can only imagine what you’ve told her about me in the past.”

I suck in a breath.  “I wouldn’t have said anything bad about you to my family.  It’s unprofessional.”

“I deserved it.”

I brush my lips against hers.  “It’s done, okay?”

She nods a little.  “So..what does your sister think about me?”

She’s nervous about this visit, but that makes two of us.  The truth is, I have no idea what Charlotte thinks about London Pierce, or what she’s going to say when she finds out I’m the one that’s been working for her all these years.  Then, when she realizes we’re dating, I know it’s going to be a whole other story.  “To be honest?”

“Well...I don’t want you to lie, Justin.”

“She doesn’t know I work for you.”

Her eyes widen a little.  “Are you kidding me?”

I shake my head slowly.  She seems annoyed, but I guess I knew she would be.  “I didn’t want to involve my family in all of this.  It was easier.”

“So she’s just walking into this blind! Justin...”

“Calm down.” I smile calmly, but when her expression doesn’t change, I sigh.  “Look, Charlotte is...understanding.  Sure, she’ll be a little surprised, but she’ll get over it once you get introduced and show her what a sweet...” I trail off and kiss her again.  “Loveable person you are.”r32;

“Oh please.”

“Well it’s true.”

“When did you get so sappy, Justin,” she laughs.  

“I’ve always been a romantic,” I wink.

She nudges me in the ribs.  “Well, I’ll be surprised if your sister doesn’t head for the hills once she realizes you’re holed up with London Pierce.”

“I was hoping I could introduce you as Sarah.  Not London.” I say it seriously as I look into her eyes.  One thing I don’t want, is to show my sister the fake side of my girlfriend.  Not when I’m trying to make a good impression.  One thing Charlotte can’t stand is fake people, and with good reason.  “I want her to see you for who you are.”

She huffs.  “Justin...”

“C’mon.” I flash her my best smile.  “For me, huh?”

“God, fine,” she groans.  “But I’m taking her out for a girls day, just me and her.  I want to get to know her and everybody knows...girls bond better when they’re alone.”

“What’re you gonna do? Brainwash her?”

“Yes, I’m going to force her to wear my perfume and buy my line of hand bags.” She rolls her eyes.  “God, I just want to spend time with your sister.  The way you’ve talked about her, it’s like she’s the best friend you have.”

“We’re close,” I shrug.  “My best friend lives in LA, though.  I barely see him, but it is what it is.”

“Jesus.  I really like...have no idea about what goes on in your personal life.”

“You were never supposed to.”
r32;

“Still, I mean...if we’re going to make this work, I need to start catering to your interests too.  I know...” she perks up and smiles, her eyes growing wide with excitement.  “We can have a party at the house! Oh my gosh it would be so much fun! We could plan it out and invite like...everybody!  I can meet your friends, and you can network to the people I introduce you to, you know?”

“Network?”

A sly smile creeps onto her face.  “You’re my boyfriend now,” she whispers.  “You don’t really think I’m going to let you be my assistant forever do you?  I want to see what you can do.  Maybe I can get you a couple of auditions.  You can start reading for producers and see where it goes.”

“I um...”

“What? Don’t you want to act? I thought that was why you came out here.”

“It was...but right now I have some things I have to take care of.  I need guaranteed income, you know?”

“Are you having problems with money?”

I hesitate only slightly before I lie to her yet again.  I’m not ready.  Not ready to divulge my real personal issues to her.  That’s bad, I know, but I can’t help myself.  “No.  It’s just that job security is important.”

She stares at me, a perplexed look on her face.  “Are you sure?”

“Yeah I’m sure,” I scoff.

She rolls her eyes.  “Well, whatever.  You might think that way, but you can’t stop me from putting in a good word for you where I can.”

“Fine.”  I force a smile and rub her shoulders as she curls up against me.  “One thing at at time though, okay? You have a movie to film first, and it’s important you know? Even if that jerk is your co star.”

“That jerk is going to get the right directors to notice me,” she sighs.  “I just might get the role I’ve been after this fall, so until then, I’ll deal with him.”

“Let’s hope so.”  I kiss the top of her head, and our conversation falls silent as we watch the sun begin it’s decent over picturesque Paris.  I’m not a jealous person.  I never was.  I guess I just saw something in that guy...Chet, that I really didn’t like.  He came off as a manipulator who was very interested in getting Sarah naked.  Now that we’re together, that doesn’t fly with me even more.  I feel like I have to watch him closely when he’s around her now, and I don’t want to.  I don’t want to come off as a jealous boyfriend to Sarah, but I just don’t think I have a choice.  

She’s smart, and I love her, I do...but I know, and I think the entire world knows, that her common sense is lacking, and if that guy gets her alone, I have no idea what could happen.

It scares me, because we just got together.  I just admitted that I care about her too, that I love her, and if I lost her...

If I lost her I know it would destroy me.

Eventually the twilight fades to black, and I nudge her gently so we can go inside.  We change, get in bed, and have a playful round of intimacy before passing out in each others arms.  When the alarm blares in my ear, she’s the first thing I see, and I smile, thankful that she’s by my side, her arms around me and mine around hers.  

“Ready to go home?” She whispers, her eyes slowly sliding open as she smiles at me tiredly.

I’m not really sure, because I know the minute we step off that plane both of our lives will be completely different.  “I’m trying to be.”

She smirks like she gets it.  Like she doesn’t have to ask me what my problem is, because she knows.  She knows how busy she’ll be once we’re home, and what that could do to our new relationship.  “Me too.”
***********
“Justin!”

I clear my throat and shift my weight nervously as I finally make eye contact with her.  She’s jumping up and down, waving her arms like crazy over the mass of people in front of her.  The best I can do is smile.  It’s great to see her, I can’t deny that.  I’ve been waiting for this moment, probably since I left home.

At the same time though, I’m terrified.  Terrified to expose her to my life, terrified of what she’ll think, what she’ll say.  Most of all though, I’m terrified of what she’ll tell me about mom, about how bad she’s gotten.

I’m terrified that she’ll beg me to come home, despite what Harvey thinks.

And I can’t go home.  Not to him.  Not this way.

“Hey!”  

She literally throws herself into me when she’s able to break through the crowd.  Her arms encircle me and pull me close to her tiny body, like she’ll never let me go.  I still tower over her, even though it’s been five years, but I knew I would.  Charlotte stopped growing when she was about fifteen.  She’s so lightweight and short that she made the perfect top to the cheerleading pyramid during football games.  “Hey.”  I close my eyes, breathe her in.

It’s a great feeling. It’s great to see her.

“You...you look amazing, J.”  She finally pulls back from me and reveals her bright smile.  “It’s great to see you.  I’m so excited! I want you to show me everything okay? I’ve always wanted to see the Hollywood sign! Oh and that Chinese Theater! Do you know any good restaurants? Oh my gosh...this airport is huge!”

She carries on and on as we walk through LAX and down to baggage claim.  I don’t say much, just nod and promise her that I’ll show her all the things she’s been fantasizing about as we collect her suitcases and head out to the car.  Unfortunately, the only car I had at my disposal today was my usual...Sarah’s work Mercedes, and I know my sister isn’t prepared.  Back home, cars like this don’t show up much, and when they do, they’re always being driven by a prominent business owner, never people like us.

“You hungry?”  I click the button on the key and the lights on the car flash, telling me the doors are open, and I click it again so the trunk will pop open.  “There’s this great little place not too far from here.  I...”

I stop talking when I reach the open trunk, because I realize that Charlotte has stopped following me all together.  I look back at her and can’t help but laugh.  She’s standing there, mouth open, her eyes wide as she takes in the car.  Little does she know...this is only the tip of the iceberg.  When we get home, Sarah will be waiting for us.  She assured me that she was going to set up a little welcoming party for my sister, even though I told her it wasn’t necessary.  She was so excited though, telling me how much she wanted to get to know a member of my family, that I couldn’t tell her no.

It’s just going to be hard...getting my sister acclimated to all of this.  She’s not used to luxury and she’s certainly not used to being in the presence of a national celebrity.  That’s not who we are, not where we’re from.  I’m praying to God that it all works out.

“Is...is that your car?”  

“Not exactly,” I smirk.  “It’s kind of a loaner.”  I walk forward slightly and take her luggage so I can get it into the trunk.  “C’mon, get in.  We can get some food or I can just take you back home to get settled first.”

She crosses her arms, narrows her eyes at me, and it’s only then that I’m reminded of my mother.  I force myself to swallow back my emotions for her, because I can’t afford to break down right now. She just got here.

“What aren’t you telling me, J?”

“Nothing...”  I take in a long breath and open the passenger side door.  “Let’s just go, okay?”

She eyes me suspiciously, but when I motion her into the car again with a smile, she doesn’t ask any more questions.  Thank goodness, because I still have to come up with an explanation about Sarah before we get to the house.  I know my sister.  She’ll be pissed that I never told her about my job, and now...about my current relationship with my boss.  

“So hows dad?”  I practically blurt it out when we’re out of the airport vicinity and on the main stretch of road that leads into downtown Los Angeles.  “I meant to call him before you came out I just...I was out of town and I didn’t get the chance to.”

“He’s...good I guess.  He’s been really busy with everything, you know?”

I grip the steering wheel a little tighter.  “Like mom?”

“Harvey said he told you.”

I laugh, bitterly.  “He sure did.”

“I tried to talk him out of it.  It’s not right...him expecting you to pay for all of it.”

“It doesn’t matter.  I expect that from him at this point.  It’s been too long.”

“Still, you guys were close.  I hate what...what mom’s disease has done to the family.  I wish you could just come home and talk to him.  I’m sure he’d snap out of his funk if he saw you make the effort.”

“No.” I shake my head roughly.  “That’s the last thing he wants.”

“Justin...”

“Can we not talk about it?”  I say it to her gently, and force a small smile.  “You’re here now, and...and it’s a really great thing, you know? I’ve really missed you, and I want this trip to be positive and about you and me.  Harvey has nothing to do with it, and neither do the rest of the boys.”

She sighs, but starts to back down.  “I guess.”

I nod, pat her knee and focus back on the road.

“So what...I mean...you said this car is a loner? Jesus.  You must have some great friends.”

I laugh slightly.  “It’s actually for work.  My boss loans it out to me.”

“Your boss?  What kind of work did you find out here?”

“Well...I sort of fell into the entertainment industry, but not in the way I planned to,” I smile.  “You’ll meet my boss today. I actually live with her right now, and you’ll be staying with us for the week, but I want you to promise me you won’t get all weirded out.  She wants to meet you, and I want it to be as normal as possible, okay?”

“Justin...” She gasps.  “I mean, is it like...Britney Spears?”

“Give me a little more credit than that, sis.”

She rolls her eyes.  “Well you should tell me before we get there you know.  It’s only fair.”

I chuckle.

“Justin!”

“C’mon, I’m enjoying this.”

Really, I’m trying to buy myself some more time, but she doesn’t need to know that.

“I don’t want to walk into this blind.  I mean, if she’s really that famous, I could be a huge fan.  I don’t want to walk into the house all star struck.  Is she...that famous?”

I sigh a little.  “Her name is Sarah.”

“Sarah what?  Sarah Jessica Parker?”

“No.”

“I’ll kill you in your sleep.  I mean it.”

“She goes by London,” I finally say, giving in because there’s no other option.  I’ve never been able to lie to my sister, and I’m not about to try.  “But I call her Sarah.”

“London Pierce?”

She says it with disgust in her voice, and I glance over at her slightly before focusing back on the busy road.  “Right, yeah.”

“Seriously?”

It’s the last reaction I expected.  It’s almost like...she can’t stand her, even though she doesn’t know her at all.  “Dead serious.  Why? What’s the matter?”

“I just...I never thought you would ever work for somebody like that.”

“Read one too many tabloid magazines Char?”

“I didn’t need to.  I can just tell how fake she is by the movies I’ve seen and the interviews I’ve watched on TV.  No wonder you haven’t had any free time.  She’s probably run you into the ground.”

It’s been the complete truth, up until now, and I hate that.  What’s worse, Sarah is home waiting for us, having the notion in her mind that my sister will be more than happy to meet her, and find out that that we’ve been dating for a couple of weeks.  Things are going in the opposite direction so fast that I can’t keep up.

This is bad.

“It’s been...hectic...”

“What was all that about her going into rehab anyway? I was looking to see when she was going to show up on Celebrity Rehab, but it never happened.”

“I’d never let that happen,” I say quickly.  “Look, she’s not...she’s not all what the media makes her out to be.  She’s different when she’s not working.”

“What are you, her boyfriend or something?”

I clench my jaw.  “Just do me a favor and get to know her before you judge her.”

She sinks back into her seat, and gazes straight ahead.

“Charlotte.”

“I don’t know how I feel,” she mutters.  “It’s hard for me not to judge the person that’s prevented me from seeing you for five years, Justin.  I mean, did you ever get a vacation?”

“It’s a hard business.  I couldn’t manage to take one until now.”

“Even Harvey takes vacations, and you know what a work-a-holic he is when it comes to the garage.”

I can’t argue with her.  I know how fucked up everything has been for the past five years, and yeah, Sarah was a heinous bitch until recently.  Now we’re in love, but I’m not ready to reveal that to my sister, even though she’ll probably figure it out the minute we set foot inside the house.  

Maybe this was a mistake.  Maybe I should have taken Trace up on his offer and stayed with him for a week, let Sarah figure shit out on her own.

But I can’t help myself.  I’m in love, and that...that takes priority above everything else, even if my sister isn’t ready to handle it.

“I can’t tell you that you’re wrong, Char.  It is what it is.  But...just try to be understanding when you meet her.  I know she’s excited to meet you.”

“Why?”

“She just is.”

“You’re dating her aren’t you?”

I glance at her quickly.  “I...”

“Jesus,” she laughs.  “No wonder Harvey expects you to pay for mom.”

“He doesn’t know about this.  Nobody does.  You’re the first person I’ve told.”

“What could you possibly have in common with a woman like her?”

“More than you’d think.”

It’s silent the rest of the way back to Sarah’s.  I know how uncomfortable Charlotte is about all of this, and I wish I could have sprung it on her accidentally, but would there have been a point? Probably not.  She’d just be angry that I didn’t tell her the truth from the beginning and after five years, I really didn’t want to start our visit off that way.

Even though, it’s still not off to the best start.

We pull up to the gate and I glance at my sister as I type in the code on the keypad built into the bars.  Her eyes are wide as she stares back at the property and I already know she’s more than overwhelmed.  “Just relax.  It’s not so overwhelming once you get inside.”

She just nods, the gates part, and I drive inside of them. 

Sarah sent my sister a check for a hundred grand.  The guilty feeling in my gut hasn’t gone away since my brother called to ask me about it.  I’m leaving her behind, because I don’t have a choice, but one day, years from now, I swear I’m going to pay her the money back.  Even though our fight was bitter and our breakup was worse than I ever thought it would be, I still don’t feel right taking her money and walking away.  My family needs it though, desperately.  I can’t deny that the check is saving us, saving the house and the family business.  When mom finally passes on, all of her funeral expenses and final medical bills will be paid in full.

Most importantly though, Charlotte will be able to stay in school, and even transfer to a better university because of the check.

I don’t know how I can ever repay Sarah for what she’s done for them.

Maybe, after a few weeks of being home and settling things with my family, I’ll get up the guts to call and give her a final thank you before I truly move on with my life.

“Justin…Dad and I…we’ve been talking.” It was one of the first things Harvey said to me after asking me about the money.  I was ready to be ripped apart and criticized by him again, to be told I better not try to come home and that no amount of money would change the fact that I was a deserter.

“Harvey, look…I’m not trying to change your mind about anything…”

“Can I just talk to you for a second?”

It was the most compassion I’d heard in his voice since I left home, and it took everything in me to swallow back my tears and keep my emotions in check for my oldest brother.  “Sure.”

“Maybe I’ve been too harsh when it comes to your choices,” he said gently.  “I’ve been angry for a long time, and it has more to do with momma bein’ sick and daddy bein’ between jobs.  I just…you and me, we always stuck together.  When you left, I felt like you didn’t care and I wouldn’t listen to anybody.”

“It was my fault,” I murmured.  “I should have stuck around but…”

“I’d rather not talk about this over the phone,” he interrupted me.  “The reason I’m calling…is to ask if you’ll come home for awhile.”

“Home?” My voice cracked, and I felt my heart begin to race.  Five years out in LA had made me more than homesick, but I never had an option to go back home.  Harvey was beginning to have a change of heart, he was starting to turn back into the brother that I looked up to and idolized all my life.

“I know it’s a lot to take in,” he sighed.  “I haven’t been…supportive, of anything that you’ve been doing.  I couldn’t understand why you chose to cope the way you did, but I should have realized…not everybody can deal with things the way I can.  I want you to come home and see us, and spend time with momma before…she’s gone.  I want you to stay, Justin…build your life with us.”

He didn’t have to explain anything else to me then.  I knew it was bad, that she didn’t have a lot of time left.  Harvey was being my brother, he knew the only way to fix things between myself and the family was to spend that time with me and reconnect.

It was the only thing in the world that I wanted more than my girlfriend.

“When?” I finally asked.

“As soon as you can get a plane ticket.”

“I’ll be there, day after tomorrow,” I promised him.  “Thank…thank you, Harvey.”

“No need to thank me.  I love you, little brother.”

He hung up after that, and I felt my eyes fill with tears. Immediately, I started to forget about my girlfriend’s media frenzy, Chet McStevens, and the wedge he was driving between us.  I was certain when she finished filming Kimmel, that she would want to move back home with me, and get away from all the media hype surrounding her.

But she just…chose her career instead.  She chose Chet and the guaranteed publicity he could get her, over us.

So I walked away.

I packed my bags and called Trace, who didn’t hesitate to pick me up from Sarah’s.  I said my goodbyes to Marcia, who wished me luck and told me not to come back, and of course I told her I wouldn’t.  Then I called Lania, Sarah’s stylist, because I guess I couldn’t walk out of that life without knowing somebody would be looking out for the woman who had given me everything for five long years.

“I need you to look out for Sarah.”

“What are you talkin’ about,” she giggled.  “London is fine.”

I sighed harshly.  “I’m leaving.  You’re the only person I trust enough to give her good advice and stop her from getting…like she gets.”

“Leaving? What?”

“I have a family issue.  I can’t come back here.  Just say you’ll do it, all right?”

“Oh my God,” she said sadly.

“Lania…please.”

“Okay,” she huffed.  “All right, but you know Justin, you’re the only one who’s been able to keep her in line up until now.  I don’t know what you expect me to do.”

“Be a friend to her,” I whispered.  “Goodbye.”

I hung up before she could say anymore.  Naturally, she called me back twice, but I ignored the calls.  There was one more thing I had to do, and I knew it wouldn’t be easy, so I refused to let anybody else get in the way.

“Hey Monster.”  I picked her up from school.  I don’t know if Sarah even thought about sending someone else, but I figured it didn’t matter.  I was going to be quick, and I told Hailey in the beginning that I wanted her to call her mother as soon as she got inside.

“Can we go to the movies?” She said, excitedly, as we drove out of her school’s parking lot.  “Mom said you’d take me if you weren’t busy today.”

I licked my lips, and smiled for her, almost regretting my decision to say goodbye in person. But I couldn’t have walked out on her that day, without doing it.  Her father had too many times, and I owed it to her after all the time we’d spent together.  “I can’t go today.  I have to pack and get ready to fly home tomorrow.”

“Home?  But you live with us.”

I nodded a little.  “Right, but…my daddy and brothers are back in Nebraska, and I have to go home to them for a while.”

“Why?”

I sighed.  “Because my momma is sick and there’s not much time left to spend with her.”

She looked down at her lap.  “How long will you be away for?”

She knew.  Hailey was always too smart for her own good, and aside from walking away from Sarah, saying goodbye to that kid was the only other thing that nearly broke me apart.  “I don’t know.”

The tears crawled down her face but she never made a sound.  She was too used to being neglected, tossed to the side, and receiving broken promises.  In that moment, I would have done anything to be able to take her with me, away from the superficiality of Hollywood, and a mother that I knew wouldn’t be there for her after I was gone.  

“I’m gonna miss you.”

I reached out and she grabbed onto my hand.  “I’ll call you every week, how about that.”

She had this look in her eyes like it would never happen.

Deep down, I knew she was right.

“Okay, Justin.”

We drove the rest of the way home in silence.  Sarah wasn’t there when we arrived, and I thought I might have been in the clear, but as soon as I walked Hailey inside that house, I heard the infamous sound of the limo pulling into the driveway.  I wouldn’t have a choice but to see her again before I left.
 
“C’mere.” I crouched down to Hailey’s level and held my arms out.  She flew into them, and hugged me tightly for several minutes.  “Be good, okay?”  I pulled away from her slightly and held her out where I could look her in the eyes.  “I love you, Monster.”

“I love you too.”

She just sobbed, and ran away from me.  I couldn’t take anymore after that, just grabbed my bags and headed for the door.  Naturally it opened, and Sarah almost banged into me.

“I thought you left.” Her face was tearstained and her mascara ran in thick streams down her cheeks.

“Just leaving.”  I pushed past her and made it halfway through the open door, before she spoke again.

“What am I supposed to do without you?” She whimpered.  “I’ll be alone.”

I sighed roughly, but turned back to her.  “You don’t have to be alone,” I said gently.  “You can still come home with me.”

“You know I can’t do that, and it’s wrong…it’s selfish for you to expect me to!”  She turned her back to me, and I could see her whole body racking with sobs.  

I almost went to her, almost held her close.

But I knew if I did, I wouldn’t have been able to leave.

I had to walk away.

Trace pulled up moments later, and that was it. I took my bags, walked out that door, and into his car.  I didn’t look back.  It was a long restless night in his guest bedroom.  I couldn’t fall asleep because all I could think about was her, how much I still loved her, and how hard it was going to be spending every day without her after five long years.  

My phone rang at one, two, and three am.  It was her every time.

I couldn’t answer.  I knew if I did, there was no way I would get on the plane in the morning.  I have two voicemails, and I’m still debating if I should listen, if I should give myself more unnecessary heartache before I get home.  As it is, Harvey is the one who is picking me up at the airport, and I can’t be a mess for him.  I can’t tell him I’m upset because I had to walk away from the one person that loved me when everyone else in my life called me a heartless bastard.  He wouldn’t get it and we would start fighting again.  

That’s the last thing I want.

“Really man, I know this is what you needed all along.  You’ve been trying to get out for years, and now, you’ve seen what she’s really like, and what’s really important to her.  It’s better you found out now, rather than later.  Now you can concentrate on what’s important.”

But what is really important? I’ve been thinking about it ever since we walked into LAX this morning.  Is my family important? Of course.  But Sarah has been my family for years, so has Hailey, and I seem to have no problem walking away from them either.

I told myself that this would happen one day, because that’s how I deal with an issue.  I just walk away. “If Sarah hadn’t taken it upon herself to try and fix my personal life, I wouldn’t even be standing here right now,” I finally say it to Trace.  “The only reason Harvey gave in was because of that money.”

“Do you really think that’s the only reason? Your mom is dying, Justin.  I’m sure he’s been rethinking all the shit that happened between you before you left. If all he cared about was the money, he would have treated you like he always has when he called you up.”

Trace always has a valid point, and yeah, I know he’s right.  It’s just…me.  I think I’m dealing with so much heartache right now, that this is my brains way of trying to convince me to go back to her.  Back where it’s safe.  Back where I’m loved and in love.  “I guess so.”

He pats me harshly on the shoulder.  “Go to your gate.  Go home, Justin.  Call me as soon as…everything happens.  I’ll be on the first flight out for the funeral.”

I nod slightly.  “Thanks, man.”
r32;We hug briefly.  

“Do you think you can check on her in a few days,” I say, as he breaks away from me.  “Just…to make sure.”

“I’m not doing that,” he laughs.

“Please, Trace.”

He sighs as he stares back at me.  I’m sure my expression is pathetic, and yeah, he has much better things to do with his time than check up on my ex girlfriend.  But because he’s my best friend, I feel like I can ask him to do me this one favor.  

“What good will it do?”

“It’ll let me know that she’s still surviving…”

“And if she’s not?”

I shrug.  I don’t know what the answer is.

“What if she’s not, Justin.  What then? Are you going to put your family on hold for her?”

I know I can’t.  “No…”

“Look, a buddy of mine does set work for the studio where she films.  In a couple of weeks, I’ll drop by to visit him, and I’ll let you know if I see anything going on.  That’s the most I’ll do.”

I know that’s the farthest he’s willing to go, but I can’t complain.  He’s only doing it because he cares about me, and considers me his closest friend.  “I really appreciate it.”

“You’re gonna be late if you don’t get moving through security,” he nods, after we shake hands for the last time.  “Send me a text when you get in, all right?”

“Yeah, I will.”

He smirks.  “Good luck, man.”

Then he walks off.  I think he has to, because if he sticks around I’m liable to second guess this decision, tell him to take me back, and I can’t afford to do that.  I promised Harvey, Charlotte and my Dad that I was coming home.  Backing out now, would only give Harvey another excuse to call me a good for nothing.  I can’t.  I’ve partly earned back his trust and I refuse to lose it again.

I walk to the security gate, and after taking the biggest breath of my life, I cross behind the roped off portion and pull out my passport.  The TSA agent clears me to move ahead, and I know…I know there’s no turning back now.

I’m through security within a half hour, and I get myself something to eat before heading towards my gate number.  When I sit down, I sigh roughly, realizing I still have an hour to wait before my flight will board.  I don’t want idle time.  Idle time is tempting time.  I still have two voicemails from Sarah that I haven’t listened to, and I’m sure if I called her right now, she wouldn’t hesitate to drop whatever she was doing to answer.

I can’t…

I close my eyes, squeeze them shut, and hang my head low.  I talk myself out of it probably ten times, and then I can’t…I can’t stop myself.  I pull up my voicemails, and listen to both of them.  The first one is brief.  It’s Sarah, subtly asking me to call her back.  It’s the second one that hits me hard.  It’s the second one I wish I hadn’t bothered with at all.  

“Hey so…it’s been an hour.  I guess you’re sleeping, or well…I know you’re sleeping because you never stay up this late even if you’re with me.  Or maybe I’m just hoping that you’re sleeping, instead of lying awake wherever you are and listening to this…”  

She trails off and I can hear her sobbing gently.

It kills me.  Literally kills me inside.  I feel my face turning red, and I have to rub it harshly with my free hand to prevent the tears I know are trying to reveal themselves.

“I wanted to make you understand why I couldn’t go with you, Justin.  I would have given anything to help you understand.  But…you can’t understand.  Your family is important to you, and from the moment I found out the truth, I knew the second you felt comfortable enough to go home, you would.  I just… didn’t count on it being this soon, and…God, I’m lost without you right now.  Talking to your machine is actually helpful, so…thanks for that.  I’m sure I have about thirty seconds to finish this so, I just wanted to say that I love you, and I hope everything works out when you get home.  Give me a call, if you want.  I’d really like to talk.”

Beep.

I click the message off and stare at the screen, debating for several minutes if I should delete it or not.  Something won’t let me do it, so I just navigate away from that screen and start to scroll through emails.  Shit.  I still have a ton of stuff coming in for Sarah.  I take some time and start forwarding it all to Lania’s email, presetting any incoming emails in the future, to forward directly to Sarah’s email address.  When I get home, I’ll delete this account, so I can rid myself of any future updates regarding Sarah’s career.

I’m about ten email forwards away from complete freedom, when my phone buzzes to life.  It’s Benny, and I debate if it’s a good idea to answer.

But I can’t stop myself.

“Justin Timberlake.”r32;

“Yeah hey, it’s Benny.”

I sigh roughly and sit back.  “Hey, I was going to call you this afternoon.”

“London said you left?”

I lick my lips.  “Family emergency.”

“She said you aren’t coming back.”

“She’s right.”

“You can’t…you can’t just leave! Not now!”

“Lania’s handling things,” I say, nonchalantly.  “She’ll be fine.  Start interviewing people to fill my spot in the meantime.”

“This girl is a wreck! She’s already a half hour late to set and there’s no telling whether or not I’ll be able to get her out of bed! Justin, damn it! You need to get here now!”

I laugh at him.  Just laugh, because I know where his priorities lie, where all of their priorities lie, and it’s not with what’s important.  They lie with money, with fame, with greed.  “Where are you?”

“I’m outside her bedroom.  She won’t come out!”

I sigh harshly.  

I shouldn’t call her.

I really shouldn’t call her.

“Justin! Come on! Please help me out here.  I won’t call you again!”

“I’ll call her,” I mutter.  “If that doesn’t  help, then I don’t have a solution for you Benny.”

“Well you need to do something.  Christ, we had a deal.  I mean…”

I hang up on him.  Right now, I could care less what he’s flipping out about, or how much money I’ve lost him.  Angrily, I pull up Sarah’s cell and push send, ready to rip her apart.

“What?”

She sounds angry.  I guess that’s better than psychotic.  “Sarah, I need you to get Benny off my case.  He said you wont’ go to the studio.  You can’t just stop your life because I’m leaving.”

“Thanks for calling me back last night,” she rasps.  “I really appreciate how much you seem to care about me.”

I laugh at her.  “Really? We said all there is to say, Sarah.  You’re staying in LA and I’m going home.  That was your choice.  Although, I don’t know if your plan is working out, since you won’t get up and go to the studio, like you’re supposed to…you know, for that career you’re so worried about.”

“Screw you,” she grunts.  “You’re just…you’re just angry because…”

“Don’t,” I interrupt her, gruffly.  “Just stop, Sarah.  This isn’t why I called you.”

“So this is it,” she whispers.  “You’re really going.”

“I’m going.” I cover my eyes with my free hand and sigh.  “I’m trying to anyway, but I’m starting to get this really bad feeling that you’re going to start having…issues again.”

“Oh because I can’t live without you, is that what you’re telling me?”

“I know you can’t.  You’re just going to go on, and be your stuck up, superficial self, with a fake name to hide who you really are from the rest of the world.”

I know it’s the only way to get through to her.  Nothing pisses Sarah off more than when someone hurts her pride.  It’ll make her get off her ass and go to work, like she needs to.  Whether or not she hates me in the meantime, I guess…shouldn’t matter to me.

I can’t love her anymore.

“Fuck…you know, I don’t even know why I bothered with you! You’re such an incompetent son of a bitch!”  

I can hear stomping around her room.  She’s up and raring to go.

My job is done.

“Good luck, Sarah.”

“I don’t need luck.  I don’t need anything from you.”

I hang up on her.

I hate her.

But fuck, I love her.

I shove my phone away so I won’t be tempted to call her again.  It starts ringing again about ten minutes later, but I don’t answer.  Harvey doesn’t have a phone, and I told my sister not to call me, because I didn’t know what kind of mood I would be in.

It has to be her.

But I have to be done with London Pierce, for good.

Finally, my flight is called to board.  I bought myself a first class ticket, because I figured I owed it to myself after all the crap I’d been putting myself through.  After today the luxury will end.  I’ll go work for Harvey, make the auto shop better with my good business sense, and live a small town life.  If I’m lucky, I’ll find someone to spend my time with, but I know if I don’t, it won’t be the end of the world.  It’s going to be hard getting back in the saddle again after Sarah, and I know that.

She’s the only woman I ever really loved, and it hurts me so bad, breaking things off like this. Hearing her voice on the other end of the line, so lost and alone, killed me.  It’s going to take a very long time for the pain to fade, and even longer for me to completely forget about her.  I’ll see her smile in my dreams, hear her laughter, and I won’t be able to do anything about it.

The best thing to do is get lost in my work, just like I did when I first moved out here.  I’m good at that.  I’m good at burying pain, and I will, because there’s no other choice.

Five hours later the plane touches down in Omaha, and I do my best to rub the fatigue out of my eyes.  I took a pill.  I knew that if I didn’t sleep, I would be an absolute wreck for Harvey when I got off the plane.  It’s almost two hours from the airport to Blue Springs, and I’m sure he has every intention of talking to me, and asking me every question under the sun about the past five years of my life.  I want to cooperate, get all my secrets out in the open before we get home.  Things will be easier that way.

I can go visit Mom with a clear head, and I need to.  Things will be hard enough…seeing her like that.

I have to push the thoughts of her back inside of me.  I’m not ready yet.  I’m not ready to think about her just yet, because that pain added to the pain of losing Sarah might cause a mental breakdown, and I can’t afford it.  I have to be put together, show them all that I’m strong, so they’ll respect me.  “They” meaning my other brothers, who have agreed with Harvey’s opinions of me up until now.  I have no idea what they think about my homecoming.  I’m terrified of that too.

I’m terrified and alone, just like Sarah is.  The difference is, I don’t have a team of people to make me look presentable.  The only person I can rely on is myself, and that’s a scary thought, because I know how much of a wreck I’m becoming.

I get to baggage claim, what seems like years later, and walk towards my assigned carousel, looking out for Harvey as I walk.  I don’t see him though, and I start to get worried.  What if he lied?  What if he set me up, had me come out here, only to be stood up and made a fool of? I wouldn’t blame him.  It would be his way of getting revenge.

“Hey boy.”

I stop walking.

I know I’m wrong now.  That I thought too soon.  Harvey is right behind me.  It takes me a long time to turn and acknowledge him, because I have no idea what the fuck I’m supposed to say.  Do I apologize, or do I just say hi and that it’s good to see him?

“Justin, it’s me.”

I finally turn to face him.  Harvey looks just like I remember, clad in worn out jeans, a red flannel shirt, and a John Deere ball cap.  I can’t help but allow the smile to surface.

It’s so good to see him.

“Hey, Harv…I…it’s good to see you.”

He walks closer to me, and then, he does the last thing I would ever expect.  He pulls me in for a hug, and tells me how it good it is to have me home.  Hell, he even offers to carry my luggage.  It’s not the same brother I remember, and I start to get curious, but then…I stop myself.  No, I have to accept that Harvey really wants me here at home.  He wants us to form a relationship again, because of mom and because…we’re brothers.

I know it.

“Got a lot of people waitin’ for you back at the house,” he tells me with a small smile after we get settled into the old Ford pickup truck.  “Everyone is really excited to see you.”

“The boys?”

“Course,” he chuckles.  “Ben made his chili and all.  When is your girl coming out? We made sure to make a place for you two to stay.”

I swallow hard. He knows, probably because of Charlotte.  I really don’t want to talk about it, but I know I don’t have a choice.  “She um…she’s not coming.”

“Why’s that?  She's the guest of honor.  Don’t tell me she’s too good for some country folk.”

“No, that’s not it.  We just…we sort of put things on hold for awhile.”

“She dump you?”

I chuckle slightly.  “We sort of broke up with each other.”

“Dang, London Pierce.” He draws in a long breath.  “I have to admit, when Char told me that, I started to respect you a little more.  She’s a little hottie, that one.”

I shrug.  “Our relationship was kind of…apart from all that Hollywood stuff.  Anyway, it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“You still love ‘er?”

I really, really don’t want to talk about this with him.  “Can we talk about something else?” I try to say it as calmly as I can.  “I haven’t talked to you like this in a long time, and I’d rather leave her out of it.”

“Anyone willing to spend that much money to save our asses is worth talking about, J.”

“Well I don’t want to…”

“Justin, we lost the house.  We went into foreclosure almost six months ago.”

I just stare at him.

“I told Char she couldn’t say anything to you and I was scared to death when she came to visit that she would let it slip.  We were getting our stuff packed, half the house was in boxes.  I had to close the shop…mortgage everything we had, and it still wasn’t enough.  I didn’t know what we were going to do, and then…this check comes in the mail.  Do you understand what that did for the family?  These last few months the money you were sending for momma wasn’t even going for her bills, and I was a real big asshole when I called you asking for more.  That money I needed… it was for the mortgage.”

I could say a lot of things to him right now, call him a manipulative asshole, because he basically guilt tripped me into fixing his mistakes.  I can’t say anything though, because Sarah took it upon herself to fix all of this.  “So what happens to the house now?”
r32;“We bought a new place,” he smiles.  “Two year old Cape, right near the lake.  It’s big enough for all of us. You’re gonna love it.”

“And the shop?”

“Reopened it, with a nice remodel.  Char’s enrolled in University of Nebraska at Omaha for the fall, and paid up for three semesters.  Daddy’s paying off all his debt and momma is…in a really nice hospice right outside of town.  Everything is going to be just fine.  I just wish I could thank London.  I don’t think she understands the magnitude of what she’s done for us.  One day, I’m going to pay her back.  Can you tell her that?”

I sigh.  Really, Sarah did save my family.  It was the last thing she did for me, and then I just walked out on her.  I knew she sent that check, but I guess I didn’t really think about what that meant for my family, how it would save them from some really hellish years.  “When I speak to her again, which probably won’t be for awhile, I’ll give her the message.”

“Just don’t seem right that you two are on such bad terms now.”

“Yeah well.” I shake my head in disgust.  “There’s more to it.”

“I’m all ears.”

I look at him.  “I doubt you’d understand.”
r32;“I ain’t dumb, boy.”

“It’s just the business.  It sort of took over I guess.  I asked her to move back home with me, and she…she told me that she couldn’t walk away from her career right now.”

“So you left.” He says it bluntly.

I look down at my lap.  “Harvey.”

“That’s how you deal with shit,” he tells me.  “You know, you coulda just called me up and told me you needed more time.”

“I came here for mom.  I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if she…passed and I wasn’t here.”

“I would have told you when it came down to days instead of weeks, Justin,” he says, softly.  “I think you’re still this scared little kid who can’t deal with his life.  Obviously you had something good going with this girl, but you gave up.  That’s what you do.”

“Just because she handed you money…”

“You walked out on ‘er. Enough said.”

I’m so pissed.  So pissed that I can’t even look at him right now.  Why is he putting all the blame on me when he doesn’t even know the whole story? He wasn’t there for the Chet McStevens fiasco.  He didn’t have to sit idly by while his girlfriend made out with another guy so she could get a boost in publicity.  

“I think you should call ‘er.”

“I’m not calling her,” I grunt.  “Drop it.”

“Then I’ll call ‘er.”

“No.”

“I can still kick your ass, you know.”

“Go ahead.”

He’s silent.  He knows I’m serious.  

“All right,” he finally says.  “That’s how you want things to be, then I won’t bring ‘er up no more.”

“Thanks.”  I lean my head against my fist and stare out the window.

“I still think you’re a dumb little shit though.  You can’t hide from that one.”

I glare at him, and then he laughs.  It’s Harvey like I remember him.

“It’s good to have you home, boy.”  He turns up his country music and ruffles my hair.  I know if he weren’t driving, he’d have put me in a headlock and given me a huge noogie.  

It’ll be okay, being home.  Obviously Harvey knows I need my space when it comes to Sarah, and he won’t bring up the subject again anytime soon.  That’s what I need.  I need to escape that whole lifestyle and get settled back into my old routine, my old hometown with the people I grew up with.

I need to forget about her…about the fact that it’s going to be really hard sleeping without her, really hard not talking to her everyday.

But I’ll move on, because I don’t have a choice.

“All right, try ‘er now.”

I turn the key in the ignition.  The engine sputters, seems to choke and cough, but doesn’t turn over.

Harvey makes a cutting motion at his throat and motions me to get out of the truck.

“It’s the tranny, Bob,” he sighs at our customer as he closes the hood and wipes his greasy hands with the rag.  “Gonna take a couple of weeks, maybe more, if it’s fixable.  I’ll know more by end of the week.”

“All right Harv,” Bob sighs.  “Don’t see how I’m gonna get to work in the meantime.”

Harvey considers this for a moment, before turning to me.  “Justin get ‘im a loner.”

“Yeah, all right.” 

The customer smiles and starts thanking my brother profusely as I drag myself away and out back where we keep the cars that are about to go out for sale.  The remodel has the done the business good.  We fix cars, but we also have a used car lot that’s been doing very well. Harvey, Dad, and I have been talking about franchising Fords or Chevy’s, maybe even Dodge’s in the future.  It looks promising, we just need to see how the rest of the year goes before we make the investment.  I can’t deny that Sarah’s money has made this all possible, not anymore. 

I try so hard not to think about her.  It’s been getting easier, as the weeks have passed.  I’m so busy at work most of the time that I don’t have a chance to dwell on it.  But then, during my off times, I have distractions from her too.

Mom isn’t doing well, but it’s been nice getting to see her.  She doesn’t know any of us, but she hasn’t freaked out when I’ve sat by her bedside.  She likes to tell me stories about her kids, most of them being about myself.  It’s the closest link I have to her right now, and she’ll even let me hold her hand.  It’s almost impossible to hold the tears back, but the rest of my family gives me the time alone that I need with her.  In fact, coming home to all of them…it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.

The rest of my brothers gave me as warm of a reception as Harvey had.  It seemed that they put the past behind them, and I guess it was because they were thankful for everything the money had done for the family.  If I hadn’t moved, I guess we wouldn’t have had this good fortune but…I just hate the way it came about.  It makes me feel so damn indebted to Sarah, and I don’t want to be.

I’ve put it on the back burner though.  I’ve had to, because I’m still adjusting, still settling in.

Still being reunited with old friends.

Lou is supposedly coming back home for a visit soon.  I don’t know how I feel about seeing her.  I don’t know if I ever stopped loving her, I just…put her out of my mind because I had no other choice.  Charlotte has kept in touch with her, she told me that Lou seems really excited to see me again.  I don’t know…I just don’t know if I can handle those kind of emotions right now.

But I can’t hide from them.  I’ve hidden from too many things for entirely too long, and this is a new start for me.  It’s time to be responsible and strong, to take charge.  If working with Sarah taught me nothing else, it taught me to hold my own in difficult times.  I know that’s the main thing that’s made my brothers respect me and welcome me back without a question.  I can hold the family together, almost as well as Harvey can.

He and I, we’ve become almost inseparable, like we used to be. 

I start up an eight year old Ford sedan and drive it up front to the customer, who shakes my hand harshly and thanks my brother and I both again, before he gets in and drives away. 

“We’re too nice,” Harvey chuckles.

“Tranny’s expensive,” I shrug.  “If he can get to work, he’ll pay for the repair.”

“Glad you think like me.”  He pats me on the back a couple times, and starts back towards the garage.  “Heard Lou’s coming out from New York.”

I shrug, and busy myself with straightening a display of windshield washer fluid outside the main office door.  “Maybe.  Charlotte said she is.”

“What’d you think about that?”

“I’ll say hi…it’s whatever.” I shrug it off.

He laughs lightly.  “You want to talk about it with me, you can.”

I look up at him and force a small smile of gratitude.  “I’ll let you know.”

He nods, and walks back to the garage without another word.  It’s what I like about him, if he can sense that I don’t want to talk about something, he’ll lay off.  My other brothers aren’t like that.  They’ve bugged me a million times over about Sarah.  Charlotte and Dad have forced them to back down at times, especially when they start talking about her in a slightly provocative way.  I can’t stand it.  I fell in love with her, and it’s just…weird.

I find myself dreaming about her often.  I guess when I’m asleep, it’s the only time I can’t prevent myself from thinking of her.  I feel the touch of her skin on mine, her lips on my body, her breasts pressed snug against my chest.  I feel her silken hair between my fingers, and it’s so fucking real…so real.  I’ll wake up sweating, panting, reaching out for her.

But she’s never there.

I don’t sleep well.  A few hours a night, if I’m lucky.  It’s bad.  It’s bad because I know soon my mom will get even worse, pass away, and I’ll have to be able to hold my head up for my family.

I spend the next few hours running the business as usual.  Most days I run the counter while my brothers fix cars out in the garage.  If it gets really busy Harvey will come out front and help, but mostly he likes to be back in the garage making sure all the repairs go as planned. 

I’m in the middle of finishing up some paperwork on an oil change with a customer when I hear the familiar jingle of ‘Extra, Extra’ blaring from the TV.  I hate this show.  It’s everything I hate about the entertainment industry and Hollywood wrapped into a half hour.  Charlotte must have left the channel on yesterday when she was here doing her school work.  When I finish with the customer I snatch the remote off the desk and point it at the TV.

But I find that I can’t change the channel when I see the story that’s unfolding before my eyes.

“London Pierce was arrested for drug possession yesterday afternoon after a dramatic domestic dispute in the middle of traffic with boyfriend Chet McStevens. The scene pictured here shows a naked Pierce running around her limousine while being pursued by an obviously intoxicated McStevens.  Sources say drug paraphernalia found at the scene included grams of Cocaine and mixed prescription pills…”

Cut to a fresh mugshot picture of my ex girlfriend, black eye, bloody nose, mascara running down her ghost white face.

I feel sick.

I run.   I run fast and far, not caring about the consequence, not caring what Harvey will think.  I have to go, to get away where nobody can see me, where I feel safe.

I jump in my car and drive.  I drive for miles and miles until I finally reach the one place I know will help me sort out the crazy shit I just saw on the TV.  I feel the tears gliding down my face.

How the hell can she do this?  How?

Well I’m not going to be there for her.  I fucking refuse.

I get out of the car, take in the surroundings of the picturesque lake and mountains.  It’s the only place I’ve ever felt completely removed from everything.  Mom and I would take random trips to the lake when I was young, in the summers we’d all come here as a family, and when she got sick, it was the only place I sought refuge.  When Lou left, I came here, and made the decision to move to LA.  Now, back home, I’m seeking it’s comfort from all the things I left behind.

I’m so fucking worried about her.  Part of me wants to get the first flight out.

But I can’t.

I pull my phone out, text Trace quickly, asking him for any news.

Don’t worry about it.  Her people carted her off to rehab, and in a few days, they’ll come out with that news in the tabloids.  She won’t do any time.  If you come back here, I’ll kick you in the nuts.  This was inevitable, you must know that, right?

I guess so.  It’s all I can say back to him, because he’ll never understand the feelings I used to have or…still might have, for Sarah.

I start skimming rocks.  It’s all I can do, because I’m so damn confused right now.  Half of me is hoping she’ll call, ask me for help.  I know if she did, I would go, because I fucking love that girl.  I love her no matter how hurt I am that she couldn’t see the good in dropping her career for a life with me.

I don’t think I can ever stop loving her.

 The other part of me though, the logical one, is more angry at her than I’ve ever been.  She knows better.  She’s been through this, and she has Hailey to think about.  Shit, Hailey.  What the hell  is going on with her? Is she safe? Who’s with her?

Damn it.

It takes just minutes more for me to cave, and call Lania. She picks up on the second ring.

“Justin,” she pants, sounding breathless.  “You have no idea…”

“I need an update, a real one.”

“It’s horrible.  The promoters and directors are starting to call.  The perfume and purse people are ready to cut her off, and  New York is already a bust.  The promotion for the movie is off.  They’re saying it’ll flop…Justin…what do I do?”

She’s sobbing.  Since Lania doesn’t cry, ever, I know how bad the situation really is.  Sarah’s career is basically over.  It would take a miracle to come back from a TMZ nightmare like this, and I know that, because I’m a pro at the business.  The only good thing about all of this is that Chet McStevens will turn into a laughing stock.  At least people will see him for who he really is now.

“Where is she,” I huff.

“Some fancy rehab place in Malibu.  Benny wouldn’t tell me exactly where.  He’s trying to buy time so he can turn this around into some kind of sob story.  Chet’s being charged with assault, can you believe that?”

“I can,” I let out a sad laugh.  “Is she…she’ll be okay, I mean, apart from all of this right?”

“She’s alive,” she says miserably.  “Barely.”

“What about Hailey?” 

Lania is silent.

I squeeze my eyes shut, anticipating the worst.  “Lania?”

“Child protective services took her…I tried…I tried to stop them, Justin, but I couldn’t.  Someone told me they were contacting Alex.  They’re going to give him full custody once the details get sorted out.”

My mouth hangs open for a moment.  “They can’t.”

“They can, if she can’t take care of her.  Alex is the only blood family she has, and he has every right to her.”

“I know Sarah can take care of her,” I whisper.

“She’s a drug addict, Justin,” Lania says sadly.  “She’s been this way for months, and it’s no one’s fault but…it’s just how things turned out.  Look, you should just…stay away.  I wanted you to come back when you called me just now, but you’re a good person who deserves to be happy.  You should just stay away…it’s the best thing.”

“Can you try to find out where she is for me?”

She sighs harshly.  “Stay away, Justin.  Please.”

“I…but I…”  My lips tremble, and then I sob into the phone.  “I love her.”

“You can’t.  Not anymore.”

“Lania.”

“Goodbye, Justin.”

She hangs up on me, and as I stare at the phone, I know better than to try and call back.

That’s it.  I’m just an outsider now, no access, and according to Lania, it’s better for me.

She’s giving me the chance to move on, without looking back, and fuck, I should just take it.

I need to take it.

I hear tires screech to a halt behind me. 

“Justin?”

I hear a door slam and turn in time to see Harvey walking towards me.  I wipe my eyes harshly and look back at the water.

“Hey.”  I skim a couple of rocks.  “Sorry I just…”

“I saw the TV.”

I look at him.  He comes and stands next to me, starting to skim rocks across the water with me.  “Harvey…”

“It’s better you weren’t around for all that,” he decides.  “Better you’re here with us.”

“I feel fucking terrible,” I whimper.  “I don’t know what to do.”

“Give it time.”  He skims another rock.  “I feel bad too, Justin.  I mean, I never met her, but she saved this family.  Maybe in a month or so, you can try to contact her or something.  Maybe by then, she’ll be willing to come out here, relax, and figure out what she wants out of her life.”

“It’s too late for that.”  I don’t look at him as I say it.  “They’re going to take her daughter away.”

“There’s nothin’ you can do,” he says gently.  “Even if you went out there, you couldn’t change what’s happened, and you can’t take care of her daughter if you’re not family.  It would just make things harder on you and on her.”

I know he’s right.  Harvey is usually right though, that’s why I’ve always looked up to him.  “I wish I could go get Sarah, just…bring her home with me.”

“But it’s not the time,” he nods and comes closer, putting a protective arm around my shoulders.  “You gotta just…move on, hard as it is.  She’ll figure herself out in time, Justin.  You can’t fall apart in the meantime.  You got too much going for you.”

“Yeah.”

He pulls me in, and I can’t help but hug him, like I’m a little kid all over again.  He lets me, and he lets me cry too.  He’s probably the only one strong enough to do this.  My dad is so fragile because of mom, and Charlotte would be more freaked out than logical.  I need him so bad right now, and I’m so thankful for him. 

“I love her.”

“I know kid, and maybe one day, she’ll realize how much.” He pats me harshly on the back and pulls away, gripping me harshly by the shoulders and looks into my eyes.  “You gotta hold your head up in the meantime though, I won’t tolerate you walkin’ around miserable.  We got problems here too.”

I sniff loudly and nod.  I know.  I know what I have to do.  “All…all right.”

“You gonna be okay?”  He smiles slightly.

“I just need to be alone for a little while.”

He nods and starts back to his truck.  “Be home for supper.”

“I will.”

He doesn’t say anything else, just gets into his truck and drives away.  I’m alone again, but it doesn’t feel good anymore.  I feel hopeless this way.  Hopeless and helpless.

I know I need to just…go home, and put this behind me.  Spend time with my family, and momma, before we lose her.

That’s what’s important.

I repeat it to myself as I throw more rocks in the water.  I force myself to believe it.  Sarah is in the past.  She did this to herself, and I can’t love her anymore.

I get into my car and grip the steering wheel.  A million visions of her fill my mind.  Visions of us, of the way we would make love, the way she would kiss me, her smile.  Those days we spent with Hailey.  Those were some of the best parts of my life, and now…

Now she really needs me to be there, and I can’t be.

I’ll live with that now.  I’ll live with that pain until the day I die.  As much as Harvey says she’ll be able to come back out here with me one day, I know the chances of that happening are slim to none.  She’ll either slip deeper into her depression, or come out of it, and start over, determined, making sure to forget about me, so she won’t have to deal with anymore pain.

I can’t say I’d blame her.
****************
It’s been a couple of weeks and while I’ve made sure to steer clear of tabloid television, I can tell that the situation has died down for the most part.  There’s new headlines on the magazines at the grocery store now.  Stories about which Royal cheated and what celebrities are overweight.  There’s little things about Sarah here and there, but nothing that jumps out.  I guess Benny has been all over that, and her PR.  Come to think about it, she does have pretty damn good PR.

I hope the silencing of the media will do her good.

I can’t focus on it anymore.

Business has really started to pick up at the shop.  I’ve been pulling double shifts this week.  My brother, Nick, came down with the flu, so I’ve been filling in.  He does a lot of oil changes and paint jobs with the power brush, so Harvey has been doing his best to teach me.  I pretty much suck at painting anything, but I can do a decent oil change on a standard car.  Charlotte’s been helping to run the front counter, which has been our saving grace since Dad has been at the hospice all week.

I know Mom isn’t going to be here much longer.  They’ve told us maybe a week more. She’s so sick now, she barely opens her eyes.  It’s all I can do to stay busy, to keep my mind off of losing her with her mind wiped of us, of daddy.

Here, back at the lake, is my one solace.  Nobody bothers me.  There’s no blaring TV’s or tabloids with my ex’s face on them.  I can escape.  I smile and take a breath as I start to skim more rocks across the rippling water of Lake Point, the serenity taking me away to another world, where I’m safe.

“Harvey said you’d be here.”

I glance in the direction of the voice, about to skim the next stone in my hand.  I drop it when I see Lou standing there.  She’s all grown up, just like me, but that smile is still there, the one I remember.  She wears her brunette hair long now, in wavy curls that run down past her shoulders.  That sporty girl that grew up beside me is gone.  She’s a real woman now.  “Lou,” I breathe out.

“Hey.”

She walks up to me, and we stare at each other for a few moments, before embracing each other tightly.

“It’s good to see you.” She whispers in my hear, as she rubs my back gently. 

“You look…you look good,” I nod and smile when I pull out of her arms.  “Really good.”

“Well, you’ve cleaned up pretty nice yourself,” she blushes.  “Got an extra one?”

I hand her a stone.  “You still got it?”

She smirks at me, and steps up on the rock beside me so she can skim her stone.  It jumps ten or fifteen times before it finally succumbs to the depths of the lake.  “What do you think?”

“I think you’ve got me beat,” I laugh.  “Did you just get in?”r32;
“I got to my moms last night, but I didn’t want to stir up any commotion until today.  I wanted you to be the first one to  know I was here, but you weren’t at work, so Harvey and the boys had the chance to attack me first.”

“Bastards.”r32;

“It’s okay, it was good to see them.  They know better than to mess with me,” she laughs.  “Actually they were more concerned about…me finding you.”

r32;“Yeah?” I smirk and skim another rock.  “Why’s that?”

“They said you haven’t been yourself.”

I glance at her.  “A little deep for conversation considering you just got here.”
r32;“Well, I’m concerned, that’s all.”

I start to wonder how much she knows.  My sister has a big mouth, so I have no doubt she knows everything that happened to me out in California.  The thing with Lou is, she wouldn’t bring it up unless she felt I was comfortable.  “I’ll be okay.  Coming back home hasn’t been the easiest transition, that’s all.”

She nods slightly.  “Well I’m not going anywhere.”

I sigh and gaze out at the water.  I know what she’s getting at…our past.  “I don’t hold anything against you Louie.  You had to do what was best.”

“I’ve never completely gotten over it though…us.”

I shrug.  “I guess a part of me still hasn’t, but…we’re different people now.”

“I guess we are, but I’d like to be good friends again, if nothing else.”

“I’m up for that,” I smirk.  “Definitely.”