January 2000

“…and next on the set we’ve got actress Becca Sebastian from the hit FOX show Sarah. And after that, as we promised, Nsync will be performing their new hit Bye Bye Bye. Stick around. The Today Show continues after this…” Matt Lauer’s voice trailed off and Becca stood backstage, getting prepped for her interview. Behind her she could hear the five distinct voices of Nsync warming up and she smiled to herself as she heard them harmonizing.

“Ok and remember, you don’t say anything if they ask you about your relationship with Nick Carter!” Becca’s manager, Leo, was whispering loudly into her ear.

“There isn’t a relationship with Nick Carter,” Becca replied, almost monotone. “You know that. It was one picture at a club!” she sighed, exasperated.

“Well, they don’t know that! All they know is that you were dancing together and how it looked!” Leo hissed. “So you just tell them that-“

“Becca, we’re ready for you. Come on out to the set,” Katie Couric’s assistant came over to her. “The interview will be about six minutes, then we’ll break again and come back. Sound good?”

“Sounds fine to me,” Becca answered and followed the assistant out to the set. Katie was sitting in a chair across from the couch where Becca would be sitting. She was adjusting her mic and looked up, smiling at Becca.  At that moment, they were given the 30 second cue and soon Becca’s interview was starting.

JC watched her from the side of the soundstage. He’d been interested in meeting Becca Sebastian since he’d seen her at the American Music Awards weeks ago. She looked like a simple, real girl, unlike Bobbi, who’d clearly only been after one thing with JC. Becca seemed to answer the questions she was given with thought and clarity. He liked that. He was tired of ditzy women who pretended to be one way and acted another.

“Crushing much?” he heard Justin teasing him from behind. JC turned and shook his head, a smirk trying not to form into a smile on his face.

“She’s cute,” JC answered and decided then and there he’d ask for her phone number.

“…and so are you dating anyone?” Katie Couric was asking.

Becca smiled and shook her head, “No. No time. I’d like to but I don’t think it would be fair to the other person because I’m so busy with the show.”

JC nearly rolled his eyes. That was such the cliché answer nowadays. That basically meant “I’ve been going out with a few douche bags who don’t understand my schedule.”

“And that picture of you and Nick Carter?” Katie took out the latest issue of The Enquirer and JC’s heart sunk a little. Surely that was just a tabloid ploy.

“Nick and I have been friends since we were thirteen. We met at some of the same auditions. But there’s nothing there. Promise girls!” she turned to the camera and flashed a smile. Katie laughed and then announced a commercial break.

Good, JC thought. No need to bring Nick Carter into a relationship with a smart girl like that.

As soon as the interview ended, Becca thanked Katie and stood, walking over towards backstage. She saw JC and smiled at him, continuing to walk back to her dressing room.

“Hey, Becca,” JC called after her. Becca turned around, seeing JC. “I’m JC Chasez.” He came towards her and Becca smiled again. He was certainly not bad on the eyes.

“Nice to meet you,” she shook his hand. “Love your music. It’s really great!”

“You should stick around then and hear us sing,” JC said. “We’re on in about ten minutes.”

Becca frowned, “I’m really sorry. I have to be at David Letterman’s studio in fifteen. Otherwise, I’d love to hear you.”

“How long are you in New York?” JC asked, ignoring Justin’s frantic yelling across the way, letting him know they were getting ready.

“Just til tomorrow morning. I’ve got to get back to L.A. for the show,” Becca replied, ignoring Leo’s tapping on her shoulder.

“Here,” JC grabbed her hand and scribbled something on it. “I’d love to meet you for drinks later tonight. I know this is really rushed and all, but the only reason I’m even talking to you right now is because I want to ask you on a date. So no time like the present, right?”

Becca was a little taken aback. He certainly was forward. She’d been used to this in Hollywood for a while, so she didn’t know why it surprised her so much. “Um. Yeah. I don’t know, JC. I’ll, um, I’ll get back to you, okay?” Leo was practically pulling at her now to get to the limo waiting outside.

“Oh, c’mon! Just one drink!” JC was calling after her. “Meet me at 10. The bar at the Four Seasons.”

Leo’s grip had become so tight that Becca winced in pain. “Leo, stop! I’m coming, geez!” she snapped at him, then looked back at JC, flashed him a grin, and said, “Ok, 10. The Four Seasons. See you then.”

..and this is how the story of Becca and Josh begins…

The bar at the Four Seasons was crowded by 10pm and Josh hoped she’d be able to spot him. He’d grabbed a table near the wine cellar and ordered a beer while he waited. It had been a long day filled with interviews and press conferences about the new album. But he was excited to see Becca. There was something about her that struck him and he was interested to find out more. He’d done some investigating during the day and found out she was 22, a recent graduate from Boston College, and had had a small role in the last James Bond movie. Just as his beer came, he looked up and saw her standing at the entrance of the bar. He caught her attention and waved her over.

Becca caught Josh’s eye and smiled at him, making her way toward him. She’d been thinking about this all day, even calling Janelle, her best friend from college, and telling her about her date. Janelle didn’t hesitate and told her to go and have a drink. It was one drink and how bad would it be to say you had drinks with a member of the biggest boy band in the world right now? Janelle was right, Becca figured, and once she saw him again, she was happy she’d stuck with her decision.

“Hope you don’t mind. I already ordered a beer for myself. What do you want?” Josh asked, after she sat across from him.

“A cosmo, please,” Becca looked up at the server, who ran off to the bar tender. “Hi. How are you?”

Josh smiled at her. She was wearing a lavender cardigan, a white tank top, and dressy jeans. It was casual but nice and Josh appreciated it. “I’m good. Been in meetings all day. It’s nice to unwind now.” Josh sipped his beer. “How was Letterman?”

“It went well. I don’t mind the talk show circuit, actually. I’m waiting to get on Rosie’s show,” Becca replied, playing with the bottom of the table cloth. She studied Josh for a minute, trying to be discreet. He had the most beautiful blue eyes. They were crystal clear, almost. And his smile. Well, Becca was careful not to start acting like a teeny bopper, but she suddenly knew why he was so popular.

“We do her show a lot. I’ll put in a good word for you,” Josh winked at her, and took another swig of beer. “So, tell me about you. I have to be honest, I’ve only watched your show once.”

“Hm, well, then I guess I can’t be friends with you if you haven’t even watched my show,” Becca teased, her eyes twinkling. “It’s ok. I haven’t bought any of your albums. I’m kind of a Backstreet fan. Nick and I have been friends for years now.”

“So I heard this morning. Well, we’re even then,” he chuckled. Becca’s drink came and JC lifted his beer. “Cheers.” He clinked his bottle with her martini glass. “So, Sarah. Tell me about it. I kind of get it mixed up with Felicity.”

“Most people do,” Becca took a sip of her Cosmo. “It’s a completely different story. Sarah is a waitress at a bar in Hollywood and she’s also raising her younger brother because their parents were killed in a plane crash. So it’s about juggling her time between waitressing and parenting and the occasional love interest.”

“Hm,” Josh nodded thoughtfully. “I should give it a shot. When’s it on again?”

“Mondays at 9. I’ll call you next week and see if you caught the last one,” Becca winked at him and then caught herself but it was too late. Josh raised an eyebrow.

“Oh. So we’re calling each other now?” he teased her, casually resting his hand on top of hers.

“Well, you did give me your number, remember?” Becca held up her hand and showed him the remnant of what was left of his phone number. They both shared a laugh together. This was going better than Becca had ever thought it would. She felt completely natural and comfortable with him, like they’d known each other for years.

 

June 2000

Becca squinted at the sunlight coming in through the hotel room window. They’d forgotten to shut the curtain all the way last night and the first drops of sunlight were now quite visible. She groaned and rolled over, expecting her arm to rest on Josh’s stomach, but all she felt was an empty bed. She looked up and saw that it was almost 7:30.

“Josh?” she called, wondering if he’d gone into the shower. She sighed and slowly rose out of bed, stumbling into the bathroom. There was a note on the mirror: Went to get coffee downstairs. Be back soon. She took the note off and threw it in the trashcan, then quickly splashed water on her face and brushed her teeth. Her flight left in four hours and Josh had promised to take her to the airport before their next sound check in Chicago. She was headed back to L.A. after being with him a week on the road. This was how their relationship survived, more or less, in the last 5 months. They’d go back and forth to each other, most of the time ending up in a hotel room in Manhattan or Chicago or Boston or wherever Nsync was performing at the time. On the rare occasion, Josh would fly out to L.A. and stay with Becca at her bungalow in Brentwood.

Becca was happy with their relationship, but she longed for the day when one of them would have a hiatus and would be allowed to spend more time than just a week or two. He’d promised after the summer tour ended they’d go off to Cabo or St. Barts or somewhere that they could have a proper vacation. That was exciting and fun to think about, but Becca also knew that in between that time, there would still be the crazy back and forth schedule. She envied Justin and Britney, who somehow still managed to see each other at least twice a week.

Josh came into the room a few minutes later, as Becca was changing out of her pajamas. He had in his hands two cups of coffee and a People magazine. He set the coffees down and went over to her, teasingly taking her hand off the shirt she was trying to put over her head.

“What are you doing?” she looked up at him and he smirked.

“Nothing. Just helping you get ready,” he threw the shirt over his head and kissed her, leading her back towards the bed.

“Josh, we have to be at the airport in-“ she started, but his mouth was covering hers and she didn’t get a chance to respond.

Twenty minutes later, they were both properly wide awake, sipping on coffee and watching a morning show on TV. Josh was lazily flipping through People, when suddenly he stopped and did a double take. There was Becca, a drink in her hand, a broad smile on her face. And next to her was Nick Carter. He had his arm around her and was flashing that annoying grin at the camera.

 “What’s this?” he thrust it into her hands and stared at her as she skimmed the photo.

“It’s a picture of me and Nick,” she responded, rolling her eyes. “Are you really on this again? I’ve told you from the beginning we’re just friends.”

 

“Seems to me you look mighty comfortable in that picture they have!” Josh shot back. He picked it up again and read aloud, “ ‘Actress Becca Sebastian shares a laugh and a hug with Backstreet Boy Nick Carter at a club in L.A. Boyfriend JC Chasez not pictured’.” He stared at her waiting for a response. Becca only rolled her eyes.

 

“Josh, I’ve known Nick for years. You know that! We’re friends for crying out loud! That’s it!” Becca snapped. “Why are you always second guessing me?” She groaned inwardly and turned away from him.

 

“Because you didn’t tell me you were out with Nick,” Josh muttered, and Becca could almost feel the jealousy oozing out of him.

“Seriously, Josh? I have to go through you to go out with a friend?” Becca stood and moved the magazine away from her. She turned away from him and went into the bathroom. He followed her, hot on her trail.

 

“That’s not what I mean, Bec,” Josh ran a hand through his hair. “I just, I get a little crazy when I see stuff like this. I know you’re only friends with him but he can get any girl he wants and-“

 

Becca sighed and turned to face him again, taking his hands in hers. “Would you stop it? You can get any girl you want, too. And I’m your girlfriend. And I like it like that.” She reached up to kiss him. “Stop being so jealous, Josh. I can’t deal with that every time I want to go out with friends and you’re not there.”

 

“Do you really have to be friends with him?” Josh was partly teasing, but Becca groaned again and went to get in the shower.

 

“I wish you’d just trust me, okay? I don’t love Nick I love you. But you have to stop this jealous streak you have going or-“

 

“Or what?” Josh folded his arms and looked at her. “Or you’re going to leave me?”

 

Becca looked at him and shook her head. “I can’t be in a relationship with someone who’s always second guessing my every move. I’m friends with a lot of guys and you know that and I’ve known Nick since we were thirteen. But that doesn’t mean I want to be with him.”

 

“You know I’ve been hurt. I just wish you’d be more careful when you’re out. Those tabloids want to do anything to cause us to look like we might be having problems,”

 

Becca stopped the running water and threw a towel over her. She walked over to Josh, cupped his face in her hands and kissed him. “I love you. I want to be your girlfriend. And I promise I am not cheating on you with Nick or anyone else. You know you can’t believe anything those tabloids say or you’ll drive yourself crazy. Can I get in the shower now, please?”

 

Josh only nodded and left the bathroom. Normally, he would have been all about hopping in the shower with her, but something just wasn’t settling right with him. This was the third time he’d seen a picture of Becca with Nick. He knew she really wasn’t cheating, but every time he saw her with him, it made Josh’s stomach turn. He threw the magazine in the trash and started to get ready.

August 2000

 

Becca stared at the pregnancy test in her hand. It couldn’t be. They were careful every single time. She leaned against the sink and tugged at a piece of her hair, biting her lip and looking down at it again. It just wasn’t possible. This was going to change everything. Josh was off tour until October, but the hiatus of Sarah was over and filming was beginning in two days. How they’d work a pregnancy into the show was one thing, but how she and Josh would work a pregnancy into their relationship was a whole other issue. She walked back into her bedroom and fell back onto her bed, staring up at the ceiling, racking her brain as to when it could have happened.

 

They’d spent the majority of July together on tour. There had been a small break at the end of the month where they’d finally escaped to a private resort in Cabo and most of the time was spent in the bedroom. Was it then? Did they get so carried away that she forgot to take her pill? She couldn’t think clearly. It was all a blur. That vacation had been almost perfect and there’d been plenty of nights when they’d left dinner a little more than tipsy. It could have been any number of incidences. But it didn’t matter anymore. What mattered was telling Josh in person and telling him soon. He’d be coming out over the weekend. It would have to be then.

 

How to tell him was another thing all together.

 

**

“…so we need a love interest and Becca we were thinking it might be fun if your boyfriend did a cameo. What do you think?” Hal Crawford, the producer of the series was asking Becca at the first meeting back from hiatus.

 

Becca had barely been paying attention. She’d woken up in the middle of the night throwing up and knew that morning sickness or perhaps just plain pregnancy sickness had decided to make itself known and since then, she hadn’t felt well at all. She sat up a little and forced a smile, thinking about Josh being her on-screen love interest for an episode or two.

 

“I can definitely ask him. He’s coming in this weekend,” Becca answered, sipping on a Sprite. “They’re not touring again until October, so I’m pretty sure he might be free.”

 

Hal nodded, “Well, in case he’s not, we’ve got Nick Carter on back up.”

 

Becca cringed. No, that would not do. Josh had better say yes or else it wouldn’t be pretty. Since their argument two months ago, Josh hadn’t brought it up again until they’d run into Nick at the MTV Movie Awards. It had been an unpleasant experience, but Josh was cordial to Nick until they had walked away from him. He’d muttered something about Nick looking at Becca’s dress and Becca laughed it off because she knew if she didn’t, it would only cause another argument. But, after one steamy night together in Cabo, Becca had whispered, “I don’t think you really need to worry about anyone else, baby”, to which she figured Josh knew what she was referring to. Yet, she knew if Nick was her love interest, Josh would flip. So now there were two things she had to talk to him about – guest starring on her show and their baby that would be due sometime in April.

 

“I-I, um, I don’t know if Nick would want to, Hal,” Becca spoke up. “Does it have to be a member of a boy band?”

 

Hal chuckled, “No, I just thought it would boost ratings is all. You know after Lance Bass starred on 7th Heaven, I just figured it might do us good, too. Besides, aren’t you good friends with Nick?”

 

Don’t remind me, Becca thought to herself. She managed and smile and looked at Hal, “Well, yes, we are, but I mean, why get him when we could go and get, um…” she trailed off and blurted out the first name she could think of. “Ben Affleck! We should get Ben Affleck!”

 

Hal laughed so hard that Becca thought he’d start choking. It hadn’t been that funny, had it? “Becca, do you realize how much money that would cost? I can understand you wanting to go big or go home and all that, but we’re still brand new. We certainly can’t afford a big name like Ben Affleck!” He shook his head, sipped his coffee, and then stood from the table. “No, you ask JC and then get back to us. We’ve got Nick and then if Nick isn’t ready, we’ll think of someone else.”

 

**

“I’ve missed you,” Josh whispered in Becca’s ear. It was late Friday night and his plane had landed a little over two hours ago. They were tangled together in her bed, candles were lit all over her room, and Brian McKnight was crooning “Back at One” softly on the radio. It was perfect. Becca didn’t want to move because she knew if she did, she’d have to tell him about the baby. And right now, life was perfect. Just them in her bed, twisted up in her sheets and each other.

“I missed you, too,” Becca traced her fingers on his cheek and down the side of his neck.

 

“I don’t like being away from you,” he took her hand and placed kisses on each of her fingers and then curled his hands with hers. “Come back with me.”

 

Becca chuckled softly against him. “You know I can’t do that,” she sighed and pulled the sheets up over them again. “Why don’t you just quit and move in with me?”

 

It was Josh’s turn to laugh. “Not exactly doable, babe,” he pulled her against him so that her back was to him. “We’ll just keep doing this until we go crazy, I guess.”

 

Or until we have to figure out something so we can take care of a baby.

 

Becca ignored her thoughts. She didn’t want to tell him now. She’d had it all planned out. Tomorrow morning at breakfast she was going to make pancakes and bacon and after they ate she’d let him know. “Well, I know one way we can make you come see me more,” she rolled over and propped her chin in her hand. “Hal wants you to guest star on Sarah later this season as my potential love interest.”

 

Josh looked at her thoughtfully for a moment, “Really? When is that?”

 

Becca shrugged. “Later in the season. You’re his first pick,”

 

“Huh,” Josh nodded slowly. “That might be fun. Anyone else if I can’t do it?”

 

Shit.

 

“Well, no, not really. He mentioned Nick but-“

 

“I’m sure he did,” Josh muttered and Becca wished she’d just kept her mouth shut and lied and said there wasn’t anyone else she knew of. “And did you tell him you wanted me instead?”

 

“Of course I did! I even told him not to get Nick. I told him if we couldn’t get you we should get Ben Affleck. He thought I was joking but-“

 

“Did you tell Nick that he was mentioned?” Josh’s voice was suddenly cold and the mood was entirely ruined.

 

Becca took a breath and slowly let it out. She didn’t feel like dealing with this yet again. “Josh, stop it. I’m so tired of this argument. Why don’t you believe me?!” she sat up. “Why in the world do you think that I have some sick obsession with Nick Carter?! Don’t you know what being friends with someone of the opposite sex is?”

 

“Yeah, I do. And he’s just a little too all about you when he sees you!” Josh raised his voice and threw the sheets off of him. He stood abruptly and headed into the bathroom. Becca was suddenly furious. She followed him.

 

“Just because he may be all about me doesn’t mean that I’m all about him. I’ve told you this since we started dating. I’m tired of this argument! It’s like you don’t trust me! I have never, ever done anything for you to not believe me! It’s you that I love and it’s you that I talk to every single day! I can’t even remember the last time I saw Nick!” Becca knew she was yelling now but she didn’t care. It was exhausting to do this all the time. Pregnant or not, she was fed up.

 

“Well, if you know he’s into you, why do you still want to even hang out with him?!” Josh turned to face her. “Do you like leading him on or something?”

 

Becca was fuming by now. “Leading him on? Are you kidding me?! What the hell do you think I do when you’re not around?!”

 

“I don’t know, Becca. What do you do?” Josh folded his arms and leaned against the wall next to the toilet.

 

Becca suddenly realized she’d been holding back tears and let them fall. She let out a shaky sob and turned away from Josh. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be this weekend. And it certainly wasn’t how she wanted to tell him she was pregnant. She walked back into her bedroom and crawled into her bed, pulling the sheets around her and facing away from him.

 

“Becca,” she heard him say softly. “I-I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. I-“

 

“Shut up,” she retorted.

 

“Baby, please. Talk to me,” he walked over to the other side of her bed and climbed in, facing her. “I just don’t want him to-“

 

“I’m pregnant,” Becca cut him off. “I’m pregnant with your child. Not his or anyone else’s, just in case you think I’m some sort of bed-hopping girlfriend. So unless you have something else to accuse me of, then I’m going to sleep because I’ve had a shitty week, I’ve been throwing up and worried to death about how to tell you. But there you go. I’m pregnant.”

 

“Becca-“

 

“Goodnight, Josh,”

 

He’d always prided himself in being responsible. That was one thing he could do well. He was the one that everyone looked to for schedules and appointments to be met. He was the one that was on time and efficient with whatever was handed to him. But he’d failed here. And now he was going to be a father during one of the busiest times of his career. It had taken him a few days to get used to the idea. It had also taken Becca a few days before she’d even speak to him again and the rest of his time in L.A. had been spent trying to get her to accept his apology for being what he could only deem as the world’s biggest douche bag. Josh knew Becca wasn’t cheating on him, but being away from her and then seeing her with Nick just made his blood boil. It didn’t matter. She was having his baby, not Nick’s.

 

They were both told by their managers to keep the baby quiet until everyone could figure out what to do. Writers for Sarah had thought of several ways for Becca’s character to end up pregnant by the season’s end or hide her with oversized sweatshirts, behind sets, or film her from the chest up. By the time the season finale would be shown, the baby would be a month old and it wouldn’t matter. They had about three weeks to decide how it would be written in, if in fact the pregnancy would be written in at all.

 

“Can you come out to Phoenix this weekend?” Josh asked her over the phone a few weeks later. He was lying on the bed in his hotel room and had thought of nothing else but how they would make this work now. It wasn’t just the producers and the managers and everyone in Hollywood that had been concerned. Josh was extremely concerned for both of them. He wanted nothing more than to make it work and be a real family. It was impossible now for them to stop what they were doing, he knew that, but somehow he was going to make it where they saw each other as much as possible during the pregnancy.

 

Becca had been curled up on the couch battling nausea yet again. It was her only day off from filming and she had been spending it at home, a trashcan next to her, the TV on Lifetime, and copious amounts of Sprite and crackers on the coffee table to ease the nausea. Her mother had phoned and told her that it was quite normal for her to be this sick in the first few weeks, but Becca was over it. It was miserable to be stuck at home by herself. As much as she still wanted to be mad at Josh, it was hard when he was the father of this baby and the emotional attachment she had for him had grown even more.

 

“I think so,” Becca replied, sipping on her Sprite. “I have to check and see what filming is like, but I think I can manage it.”

 

“Ok. Just let me know. Are you feeling okay?” Josh asked for the millionth time that phone call.

 

“I already told you. I’m nauseous and resting,” Becca sighed and was glad he couldn’t see her rolling her eyes. He was worried and concerned and apologetic for how things had been a few weeks ago, but it was starting to annoy her. In fact, a lot of things about him had started to annoy her. She couldn’t stop thinking of how many times he’d accused her of having an affair with Nick Carter. It had almost felt as though Nick was a third part of their relationship because of how much Josh had brought it up in the past. She hadn’t dared to mention this to Nick, who probably would have laughed it off. She didn’t see what Josh thought he saw. She knew the last thing on Nick’s mind was being with her.

“Let me know if you can make it out to Phoenix, okay?” Josh had sensed the irritation and backed off a little. He wanted to make it right and pestering her wasn’t going to help. Becca would do what she wanted to do.

 

“I will,” Becca sipped on her Sprite again. “I saw your interview on Oprah. You looked hot.” She figured it would only help in the growing tension she’d felt toward her boyfriend to let him know she still thought he was the sexiest man on the planet. “You should wear that denim jacket next time I see you, okay?”

 

Josh chuckled into the phone, his breath steadier now. Her tone was softer and not as edgy and cold. Maybe she was easing up a little. “Oh yeah? Thanks. She asked about you during the commercial break. By the way, Lance talked to Rosie last night. She wants you to come and do the show with us next month. A Christmas episode or something.”

 

“Well, that depends. I’ll be almost four months and I’m not getting any smaller,” Becca reminded him. She was reminding herself as well. Pretty soon, they’d have to spill the beans about the pregnancy.

 

“I’m sure by then it’ll be old news,” Josh answered, trying not to think about how it would go over with the press and especially the fans. Some of their fans had been down right cruel to Becca when the news broke that she and Josh were dating. She’d received hate mail, several “boos” when spotted with him at publicity events, and a finger or two from two overzealous fans at a live taping of a Disney special. “We’ll be fine.” It was all about reassuring each other now. Reassuring that everything would be fine when they both knew that their lives were going to change in a matter of months.  

 

And ultimately, their entire world would never be the same.

 

JUNE 2001

 

“It was for the best, Mom,” Becca sighed into the phone, as she gathered a pile of baby clothes from the dryer and set them in the laundry basket next to her. “We weren’t getting along. We fought all the time and-“

 

“And now you are left alone to care for my grandchild. Yes, that is what I call working out for the best!” her mother snapped into the phone. “Meanwhile, he’s touring all over the country doing God only knows what or who and you’re left by yourself in Los Angeles. Rebecca Jane, that is not best for anyone!”

 

Becca groaned and kicked the dryer door shut with her foot, picked up the laundry basket of clean clothes, and held the phone between her shoulder and her ear as she walked back into the living room. Dylan was asleep in her swing and all that could be heard was the soft guitar music coming from Spotify. “Mom, I don’t want to raise my child around all of that arguing,” she whispered into the phone as she headed for her bedroom. “We work so much better when we’re not together. He comes out here as much as he can. He’s a good father, Mom.”

 

“If he were that good, he’d have tried to make it work,” Mrs. Sebastian wasn’t budging on her dislike of the situation her daughter had gotten herself into. “Both of you are stubborn and I know he’s jealous and insistent, but you are hard-headed and want to do everything on your own. I’m telling you, honey, give it a few more months and you’re going to wish you hadn’t gotten rid of him!”

 

“I didn’t get rid of him!” Becca tried not to yell and cracked her bedroom door. “It was mutual, Mom. He’s coming out in two weeks and after the tour is over, he’ll be staying here until he has to get back to Orlando. I wish there was another way, but there’s not. And I have tons of help. I just hired a nanny for when I go back to work and-“

 

“A nanny?!” her mother gasped. “Do you mean to tell me my granddaughter is going to be raised by a complete and utter stranger?!”

 

There was no winning with her mother and Becca should have just pretended she and Josh were still together. That the weeks after Dylan’s birth hadn’t really been spent in shouting matches or that when Nick showed up with a baby present for Dylan, Josh hadn’t reamed him out in front of Becca. No. Clearly she should have just pretended none of it had happened and that she and Josh were fine. The truth was, now that they weren’t dating, they were fine. There weren’t any more suspicions about Nick or any other man from Josh and Becca didn’t get irritated when he called to check on her and Dylan. The last time he’d been in L.A. they had gotten along the entire time, even going out for dinner together. It was a good thing. Becca thought so anyway.

 

“Not a stranger, Mom. People get nannies all the time. And I need one when I start filming again. I’m also going out to New York for three weeks in September to film some of the show there and Josh has already told me he’ll meet me there to help out and the nanny can have time off,” Becca began to put the laundry away, as her mother disapprovingly began to go on and on about how babies raised by nannies never felt loved or accepted by their parents and no matter how much Becca went back and forth, it didn’t seem to phase her mother, who’d already had her mind made up.

 

“I need to go feed Dylan, Mom,” Becca quietly cut her mother off. “So I’ll talk to you later, okay?” They said their goodbyes and Becca hung up, feeling as though she’d just been fighting in a boxing match. Her mother had a way of making her feel completely exhausted after every phone call. She went back into the living room where Dylan was slowly waking up from her nap. Her little arms stretched and she made soft grunting sounds as Becca made her way over to her baby.

 

“Your grandma is annoying,” Becca sighed and unlatched Dylan. She carefully picked her up and went over to the couch to nurse the baby. No, it wasn’t easy being a single parent and not having any family nearby. She’d thought about how much easier it would have been if she and Josh had managed to work things out, but she had been tired of it all. Tired of the arguing about the silliest things, tired of Josh’s insistence that she move closer and at one point he’d even suggested she quit the show. She’d tried to remind him of how many celebrities she knew that also had babies and were doing fine still filming. Still, having him around or even being on tour with him right now might have been less stressful. She was exhausted.

 

The doorbell rang and Becca covered herself and slowly rose to answer the door. On the other side stood Nick and her co-star from Sarah, Bailey Morton. She’d introduced Nick and Bailey and they’d hit it off immediately. Bailey played Becca’s co-worker, “Annie”, on the show and in the last few months, the two had formed a bond outside of work. It made it nice for Becca, especially since all of her closest friends were on the east coast.

 

“We came to bring you dinner,” Nick held up a bag from In-N-Out and a bag from Becca’s favorite Mexican restaurant. “I didn’t know what you’d be in the mood for, so I brought both.”

 

“Aw, you guys are awesome!” Becca grinned and held the door open to let them both inside. “Come on in. It’s dinner time for this one, too.” She motioned down at Dylan, whose eyes were fixated on Bailey’s necklace.

 

“How are you?” Bailey asked, as she and Nick followed Becca into the house. The food was placed on the coffee table in the middle of the room and Nick went into the kitchen to get out plates for their meal.

 

“I’m exhausted. I’m so glad you guys came over,” Becca sat on the couch again and resumed nursing, covering up so that Nick wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. “Josh is coming out in a few weeks to see her, but I’m pretty much on my own til then.”

 

“Did you hear he was out with Bobbi again?” Nick asked, standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Talk about dropping a bomb. She saw Bailey shoot Nick a glare and Nick winced, daring himself to look at Becca.

 

Becca’s heart sank a little. Or if she was honest with herself, it sank a lot. She shook her head slowly. “No. My, he sure didn’t waste any time,” she cleared her throat and looked back down at Dylan. “Guess you’re going to have two visitors soon, babe.”

 

“He wouldn’t bring Bobbi out here, would he?!” Bailey gasped. “Well, if he does, you send them to a hotel and make sure you’re on visits with them both. You don’t want that tramp alone with your daughter!”

 

“Bailey, I’m sure it’s fine,” Becca said softly. “Is this like an official thing or…?” her voice trailed off and Nick shrugged, coming back into the living room with the plates.

 

“Just heard it from one of the guys that he’d brought her to an after party,” Nick sat down next to Bailey by the coffee table. “Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have said anything. You’ve only been broken up for a few weeks.”

 

Becca didn’t say anything, just began to burp Dylan and wonder why it bothered her so much. Because you still love him. Because he’s the father of your child. Because deep down you know you probably could have worked something out. She didn’t like any of those answers. None of them made sense. Of course she still loved him, but not like she had. And she knew she’d always have that attachment with him because he was Dylan’s father. But they couldn’t have worked anything out. He was too jealous, she was too independent, and they were both stubborn.

 

Later that evening, after Nick and Bailey had left, Becca went into Dylan’s nursery and watched her daughter sleep. When she was awake, her eyes were crystal blue like Josh’s and her mouth curved into a smile much like that of Becca’s. But most of her friends told her that Dylan favored Josh. Becca reached down and gently stroked the brown pieces of hair that were starting to pop up on Dylan’s head. Tip toeing out again, she went into her bedroom and plopped down on her bed, picking up the latest issue of People next to her. At that minute the phone rang and Becca looked to see the caller ID, telling her it was Josh.

 

“Hi,” she answered, putting the magazine down. “Did you just get back from the concert?”

 

“Yeah,” Josh sounded just as tired as she was. “Just got back to the hotel. About to go to bed but wanted to call and check on Dylan.”

 

“She’s fine. She’s been asleep for about an hour,”

 

“Ok. Did she have a good day?”

 

“Yeah. Slept and ate. You know. Typical for her,” Becca was a bit sorry that she didn’t have anything else to tell him. In a few years she figured when he made these calls the answers would be different. She got her ears pierced. She’s going to a school dance with the boy she really likes. She got three acceptance letters to colleges. She snapped out of her daze and remembered what Nick had told her. “Um, Josh?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Are you, I mean, did you, what I mean is are you and Bobbi dating again?”

 

There was a pause and Josh replied, “I took her to a House of Blues concert in Orlando.” Nothing else. And Becca didn’t want to ask. “Why?”

 

“Just, well, I just heard you were or you might be dating and-“

 

“You know it can’t matter to you,” his voice was somewhat harsh.

 

“I know,” she retorted and felt her cheeks flush. “I just didn’t know if she’d be joining you out here or-“

 

“Oh for crying out loud, Becca. No she’s not. It was a date. That’s all!”

 

“I’m not saying anything! I just asked a question!” Becca sat up on her bed. Her heart was racing. He’d been on a date. But why did it matter so much? No, she wasn’t going to ask herself that again because the answers she’d gotten were not what she needed to hear.

 

“Fine. I’ll call you tomorrow when she’s awake,” Josh said quietly.

 

“Fine,” Becca answered, feeling her heart sink. So much for them not fighting when they weren’t together. She hung up and immediately burst into tears. She missed him. She was admitting it now. She missed her relationship with Josh.

SEPTEMBER 2001

 

The city was a mass of chaos. He had left them at the hotel, but now he was on the other side of Manhattan. Smoke was rising and sirens were going off. He had tried her on his cell phone over and over but the lines were crossed and down now. All he was doing that day was meeting with a few producers about a new solo album. That was it. He’d promised Becca he’d be back in time for her to get to her shoot on time. But now that was impossible. Josh ducked into a coffee shop and did what most people were doing on that day; watched the chaos unfolding on the television. He knew Becca and Dylan were fine, but in this crazy mess that was happening in the city they were both in, he was scared and he didn’t want anything else but to be with them right then and there.

 

Since he’d flown back from L.A. over the summer, he knew there was still something there between them. He could tell Becca wanted him back in her life. There had been a moment of almost relenting on both ends and sleeping together, but Becca couldn’t go through with it because she knew she’d want more and even after trying to convince her it might work, she told Josh she couldn’t live with a ‘maybe’ anymore. He’d been in New York with her and Dylan for three days and two out of the three days there’d been some tension between them because when he got to her hotel room, she was there with her co-star, Jordan Thomas, who was the new love interest on the show. He knew he couldn’t question her, even after she’d questioned him because now it was just stupid. They weren’t together, Becca could date whom she wanted and Josh could date whom he wanted. Just as long as neither of them had to see it.

 

He didn’t care about the logistics anymore. Right then and there, he needed to see her and to see Dylan. He walked outside again and began the trek back to the Four Seasons. He didn’t care how long it was going to take him.

 

Becca held Dylan close to her and watched outside the window at the smoke continuing to rise. She’d tried Josh so many times on his cell but gave up after she heard a TV anchor announce that it would soon be difficult to get through phone lines. She had reached her mother and assured her that she was fine. Hal had called and told her everything was shut down until further notice. Max had called to see if she was okay and if she needed anything. She’d gotten in touch with everyone it seemed but Josh, the one person that she needed to hear from. She knew he wasn’t anywhere near the towers, but it didn’t matter.

 

“Josh, where are you?” she whispered, her chin resting on the top of Dylan’s little head.

 

The streets were more than crowded. Everyone was out. It was mass chaos. He had been walking for over an hour and he knew that normally this exact walk from the Village back to the Four Seasons would only be right at an hour, if that. There were so many people. His feet were killing him and he still had at least 15 blocks to go. He didn’t care. He had to get to her because he knew she was probably freaking out. Several times he’d pulled out his phone, knowing it wouldn’t go through, but still not giving up. He’d already seen reports of how many people were thought to have died that day. He couldn’t think about it. Becca and Dylan were the only things on his mind.

 

Two hours had passed. Becca sat on the edge of her bed while Dylan soundly slept in the pop-up crib next to her. She watched her daughter’s rhythmic breathing and was at least grateful that Dylan could sleep and sensed nothing while the world outside seemed to be falling apart. She’d tried Josh’s phone again but no luck. She had turned the television on and off, sometimes thinking she could bear to watch no more, but still not being able to believe what was going on. Her thoughts began to race. What if the meeting had been changed? What if one of the producer’s had an office in one of the towers and that’s where he’d gone? She stood up and went back to the window, the smoke still rising as though it had just happened, when it had been well over three hours.

 

Suddenly, she heard the latch on the door unlock and turned on her heel, racing towards it. The door opened and Josh stood on the other side, sweating and out of breath, but it didn’t matter. He grabbed her in his arms and held her close, kissing her and they both began to cry into each other’s shoulders.

 

“I tried to get here as fast as I could,” he said, breathlessly. “All I wanted was you and Dylan. Where is she?” He let Becca go and walked over to the crib where Dylan was sound asleep. He knelt down next to it, reaching his arm over the side and stroking his baby’s back. “Sweet girl. I wish you were awake.” He looked up at Becca. “Have you heard from anyone?”

 

Becca sat down on the bed. “I got a hold of my mom and Hal and Max. You?” He stood and sat down next to her, pulling her into his arms and kissing her.

 

“I talked to my Dad. Everyone’s okay. Got a hold of Justin,” he let out a shaky sigh. “Becca, all I wanted was you. You and Dylan. You were all I could think about walking back here.”

 

Becca looked up at him and he leaned down to place a kiss on her lips. She kissed him back and soon it didn’t matter whether or not they were together. All she wanted was him right now in the midst of all that was going on around them. If they couldn’t work it out, it didn’t matter. But worrying about him like she had and him worrying about her like he had made a huge difference.

 

“Don’t say anything,” she whispered, a few minutes later. “Just hold me, okay? I don’t want to think about anything right now.”

 

Josh silently agreed and let her cry softly into him. This was all he wanted, too.

 

 

 

DECEMBER 2002

 

Becca came home after a long day of filming. Her nanny, Alyssa, was in the living room of the apartment playing with Dylan, who was now 20 months old and full of energy. She babbled a mile a minute, mostly sentences that Becca couldn’t quite understand. She also didn’t just walk she practically sprinted everywhere so much so that Becca and Alyssa had a hard time keeping up with her. But she was the most adorable little girl in the world and Becca was always getting compliments on her from strangers when they were out and about in New York.

 

In the last year, Sarah had been canceled. Ratings went down when FOX decided to move the show to Friday night at 8pm. Two of the head writer’s had also quit, and the story line just didn’t stay the same. They were also competing with Gilmore Girls and Alias. Becca was living in New York with Dylan now and filming a movie with Ashton Kutcher and Jennifer Aniston, where she was playing Jennifer’s sister. She’d been there since October and loved the city so much that she’d considered staying there after the movie was done filming. She was getting other offers for movies and television shows and had even been in talks with a few big wigs in London about starring in Rent on the West End. As much as she missed her co-stars on the show, Becca was loving every single minute of life in New York. Not to mention, she was in a relationship with Evan Lee, an assistant producer over at SNL. They’d been dating since Becca’s appearance on the show back in May. He was pretty much a fixture with Becca everywhere around the city and was great with Dylan.

 

As for Josh, the band was on hiatus, and he had decided to work on his own album, especially after Justin’s had been such a hit. He was permanently in L.A., which had been a huge disappointment when he’d found out Becca would be leaving almost as soon as he was arriving. After 9/11, they’d decided not to pursue anything, but it had brought them closer together as friends if nothing else. There were a few more trysts when he’d come visit, but Becca had stopped that after her stint on SNL when she’d met Evan. Josh didn’t mind Evan and he really couldn’t be too upset that Becca was dating again, especially because he’d gotten serious with Tara Reid. But even after being with Tara, he couldn’t help but think about Becca and wonder if they’d ever really be together again. His friends had told him to forget it because in every picture taken of Becca and Evan, they looked quite comfortable and happy. For now, it was just the way things were.

“Josh called you earlier,” Alyssa told Becca, after she’d greeted a very giddy Dylan. Becca sat on the couch and Dylan crawled in her mother’s lap.

 

“Did he want anything?” Becca kissed the top of Dylan’s head and smiled at her daughter, who grinned back with a toothy smile.

 

“He talked to Dylan and then told me to ask you to call him. He said he had some big news,” Alyssa went over to collect her purse by the recliner. “She’s been fed and bathed and should be ready for bed any minute. Do you need me to stay for that?”

 

Becca shook her head. “No. Evan’s on his way over. We’ll see you tomorrow.” She looked down at Dylan. “Say bye-bye to Lyssa!”

 

“Bye-bye Lyssa!” Dylan waved and Alyssa walked over to quickly hug her.

 

“Bye, Dylan!” Alyssa grinned and then looked at Becca. “See you tomorrow morning, Becca.” Alyssa waved and walked out the front door. She was a true answer to prayer for Becca. A recent college graduate of a liberal arts school in Pennsylvania and highly recommended from the nanny agency where Becca had found her. This was her second nannying job and Alyssa had previously been the nanny for a former 76ers basketball player in Philadelphia. She was great with Dylan and got along well with Becca and Josh, when he was in town.

 

“Okay, girl,” Becca sighed and stood up from the couch, Dylan in her arms. “Wanna call Daddy? I bet he wants to tell you good-night.”

 

“Yeah! Daddy!” Dylan squealed, as Becca dug her cell phone out of her purse. She dialed the familiar number and waited as it rang. It was nice to have this relationship with Josh now. As much as she knew that they’d wanted to make it work, this was just how it had to be right now. And Evan made her happy. They never argued and he was so good with Dylan that it made it even easier since Josh wasn’t around.

 

“Hey,” Josh’s voice came through the receiver. “How are you?”

 

“Good. Tired. Long day of filming-“

 

“Daddy! Mama, want to talk Daddy!” Dylan tried to pull the phone out of Becca’s hand, causing her to nearly drop it and Dylan at the same time.

 

“Shit!” Becca muttered and grabbed it out of her daughter’s reach.

 

“Shit!” Dylan repeated and Becca bit her lip, hearing Josh laughing in the background.

 

“No, don’t say that!” Becca groaned and put Dylan on the couch. “Sorry, Josh.”

 

“Are you teaching our daughter to curse?” he was teasing her and Becca smiled.

 

“Not intentionally,” she sighed and leaned against the wall of the living room. “Anyway, do you want to talk to her now or after you talk to me?”

 

“Just wanted to tell you that they picked up my song for a new movie. The video’s coming out next month,” Josh told her, his voice filled with excitement.

 

“That’s so awesome!” Becca responded. “Josh, I’m so proud of you!”

 

“Thanks. It’s been a pretty great day. So I’ll probably have to do some publicity for MTV in January and will get to see you guys then. Have we decided what we’re doing for Christmas?”

 

Becca hated this question but knew it was coming. Last year, they’d spent it together at his house in Orlando. That was when they were still talking about possibly getting back together. This year was an entirely different story. She was with Evan, who’d already wanted to know if she and Dylan could come to New Hampshire and spend Christmas with his family. Then there was her mother and father who were expecting her to be in Tennessee with them. And Josh had mentioned a few weeks ago about the possibility of him flying to New York and having Dylan fly back with him to Maryland to be with his family. It was too complicated and Becca had had no idea what to do about it.

 

“No,” Becca answered quietly. “Evan wanted us to come to New Hampshire and-“

 

“Excuse me?” Josh interrupted her. “You’re going to spend Christmas with my daughter at your boyfriends?!”

 

“You didn’t let me finish!” she snapped, turning away from Dylan, who was now fixated on the Disney Channel. “That was one option. Then my parents wanted us to come to Nashville. And you had said meeting your parents in Maryland with Dylan. So no, I haven’t got an answer for you.”

 

Josh was quiet. He knew this would eventually happen. If they had been on the same coast or even in the same city, it might have been easier. But he’d be damned if he was going to let Dylan spend Christmas with what could be her future stepfather and not him. “What if you spent it in Nashville and then after Christmas met me in Maryland with Dylan?” Anything so that Dylan wouldn’t have to go to New Hampshire.

 

“Fine. I’ll talk to my parents. Maybe Evan can come with us to Nashville,”

 

Josh winced. He hadn’t thought of that. But again, he wasn’t really allowed to tell Becca who she could and couldn’t spend Christmas with and now that they were both dating seriously-although he wasn’t really keen on having Tara come out to Maryland just yet-it only made sense that they wouldn’t be spending it together anymore. “Yeah. I guess,” his voice was softer and Becca could sense he really didn’t like that idea as much.

 

“Or maybe everyone just comes to New York and spends it here,” she said. “Your parents, my parents, Tara, Evan. Is that a better idea?” A part of her was being sarcastic but at some level it made sense. All for Dylan, of course.

 

Josh ran a hand through his hair and gave a frustrated sigh. “I don’t know. Maybe I just wait until next year to get her for Christmas,” he was trying to be reasonable but it wasn’t making him feel very good about the decision.

 

“We’ve got two weeks. You still have to get a plane ticket and I just don’t know if everyone is going to want to drop their plans and come to New York at the last minute, Josh,” Becca told him. She looked over at Dylan and knew what she needed to do. “What if I drove to Maryland and dropped off Dylan on my way to Nashville? At least that way you’d get her on Christmas Day this year.”

 

Josh couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Really?”

“Yes, it’s only fair. But next year it’s my turn, okay?” she told him. “You don’t get to see her as much and neither do your parents so you can have your turn this year at Christmas.”

 

“Thanks, Bec,” Josh said quietly. “We’ll talk more about it next week. Can I talk to Dylan now?”

 

Becca went over to Dylan and held the phone up to her daughter’s ear. She began to babble excitedly to Josh and Becca sat back against the couch and heaved a sigh. So this was what she was going to have to look forward to for the next seventeen years. Shuffling her daughter back and forth. It wasn’t fair to anyone involved but especially to Dylan. Eventually she knew that when Dylan was older, there would be longer weeks with Josh and who knew where her job would take her. But right now, they had to be as fair as they could and Becca knew this was the only way.

 

“It’s okay,” Evan told her later that night, as they split a pizza. “I’ll come to Nashville. I can meet you there.”

 

“Really?” Becca looked up from her pizza slice. “You’d do that?”

 

Evan grinned at her. “Of course. I know this can’t be easy on you. It’s fine. You drive to Maryland and I’ll meet you down in Tennessee. It will all work out.”

 

Becca hoped so. But she couldn’t shake the feeling she was getting about driving to Maryland. She didn’t know why, but she could already feel some sort of something that would go wrong with this plan. No, she wouldn’t think like that. Evan was right. It would all work out.

The plan was to leave New York early Christmas Eve morning, drive to the outskirts of DC where Josh’s family lived, drop off Dylan and the rental car at the airport, fly to Nashville, and be home in time for Christmas Eve with Evan and her family. Three days later, Becca would fly back to New York and Josh would fly from DC to New York with Dylan. That was the plan and so far, Becca couldn’t see anything going wrong with it. Evan was flying out later and would meet her at her parents’ home when she landed. It would be fine. And as much as she wasn’t looking forward to not spending time with her daughter on Christmas, she was excited to have this first Christmas with Evan at her parents’ home.

 

It was when she got into traffic outside of DC that she heard the news reports of snow and sleet coming into the northeast and affecting flights all the way from Boston down to Virginia Beach. The weather had turned somewhat nasty on her drive, but she’d managed so far and Dylan was quite content in the backseat asleep. Becca looked at the time and saw she had seven hours before her flight took off. Not a problem. It might clear up. Or maybe she could see if there was an earlier flight. She gripped the steering wheel and shook any sort of negative thoughts about this plan out of her mind. No. She would be home with her parents and Evan tonight.

 

But by the time she pulled into the Chasez’s driveway, the snow had started to come down in huge flakes and there were reports of black ice forming on the roads. Becca pretended not to care. Josh would take her to the airport and she’d just see what was going on for herself there. She got Dylan out of her car seat, grabbed a duffel bag and small suitcase filled with the baby’s clothes, toys, and Christmas presents for Josh and his family, and headed toward the front door of the Chasez home. Before she could knock, Josh opened the door, a frown formed on his face.

 

“Your flight was canceled,” he told her, grimly.

 

He has to be joking. He must be joking. He just wants to freak me out. Becca searched his face to see if there was any hint of teasing. There wasn’t. Josh was dead serious.

 

“I don’t believe it,” she felt tears forming in her eyes. “Well, is there one later?” She walked into the house, Josh immediately taking Dylan from her and hugging on his daughter. Becca set Dylan’s things in the foyer and followed Josh into the den where his parents and siblings were watching the weather forecast. Hellos were exchanged between them and Becca, and Dylan was of course the center of attention until Josh pulled Becca aside and let her know about the flight.

 

“I called the airline and couldn’t get through. We looked online and it looks like all flights from New York to here are canceled,” he told her, solemnly.

 

“I better call Evan and see if he’s stuck, too,” Becca turned away from him and pulled out her cell phone from her purse.

 

Ten minutes later, she was sitting in the kitchen with Josh, while his mother put on a pot of coffee. Evan’s flight wasn’t going to take off until tomorrow morning and her flight, it looked like, wasn’t going anywhere until tomorrow either. She had made a call to her parents and let them know she’d be getting in Christmas Day afternoon and to go ahead without her and Evan. She hated this feeling of being able to do nothing about this situation. Even if she wanted to brave the weather – which a part of her kind of did – there wasn’t anyway of getting out of the neighborhood because the roads were blocked due to ice. It was sort of a bad dream. Spending Christmas Eve with her ex and his family. She was obviously the odd one out and wanted desperately to escape to the guest bedroom and cry.

 

“I’m so sorry about your plans, Becca,” Josh’s mother told her, coming over with a cup of coffee for her. “But we will try to make you feel right at home. Roy and I are going to church later this evening and you’re welcome to come with us. I was going to take Dylan so that some of our friends could see her.”

 

Becca could only nod and force a smile. She’d always liked his family. In fact, when they’d broken up, they’d been one of the things that had made her heartbroken over it because she’d always felt like one of them when everyone was together. “Sure. That’s fine,” Becca answered, sipping her coffee slowly. Mrs. Chasez began to busy herself elsewhere and Josh reached over and squeezed her hand.

 

“I’m really sorry, Bec. I know this is the last place you wanted to spend Christmas,” Josh was trying to be as sympathetic as he could manage, but he was secretly glad this was happening. They’d get to spend a real Christmas together like a family. He didn’t voice this to anyone, but kept it to himself. He would always love her, even if she never reciprocated it back again and even if they both ended up with other people.

 

“No, it’s fine,” Becca managed to smile somewhat and sighed. “It will be fine. I’ll just catch the first flight I can tomorrow.” She hoped it was soon. She also hoped it wouldn’t be drastically uncomfortable the rest of the evening and that she could find some sort of enjoyment being here with Josh’s family.

 

“Do you know how awkward this is?” she said softly to Josh. “I’m the only one in this house who doesn’t belong here.”

 

Josh looked at her questioningly. “What do you mean by that?!” he asked, a little defensive. “You’re the mother of my child. You have every right to be here.”

 

Becca rolled her eyes. “Josh, we’re not together. I haven’t seen your parents in two years. I should be home right now with my parents and Evan. And by the way, where is Tara? I figured you’d be spending Christmas with her.”

 

“She, um, wanted to be with her family,” Josh muttered. The truth was, Tara had not really been to keen on spending the holiday with Dylan, but Josh wasn’t about to tell Becca that. The two seemed to get along on the surface, but he knew Becca well enough to know that she didn’t really care for Tara so much in the end. “Besides, we get a Christmas with Dylan together. Or at least a Christmas Eve.” He reached over and squeezed her shoulder with her hand. “Please don’t feel like you’re not wanted here. Because I can promise you it’s not true.”

 

Becca relaxed somewhat and finished her coffee. She went back into the living room where everyone was gathered, watching various Christmas movies throughout the evening. By dinner, Becca had almost forgotten how terrible her day had become and had enjoyed catching up with Josh’s sister and watching Dylan enjoy her grandparents. At seven, Josh’s parents left for church with Dylan and Tyler and Heather. The roads had let up enough for them to drive the mile or so up the road to their church. Josh and Becca were left alone, because Becca was exhausted from traveling all day and Josh had suggested they stay back and finish watching White Christmas. While the movie played in the background, they decided to surprise everyone and make chocolate chip cookies. Becca didn’t want to admit it, but it was probably the most fun she’d had on Christmas Eve in a while. Even if it was with her ex-boyfriend.

 

“So, tell me about Evan,” Josh had just placed the last of the cookie dough on the cookie sheet and was putting it in the oven. “I hope he likes kids.”

 

“He does,” Becca licked her thumb and forefinger, which had remnants of cookie dough left on them. “He’s really great. We have a lot in common. He and Dylan get along…” she trailed off and looked over at Josh, who was watching her and leaning against the stove. “What? You asked me.”

 

Josh shook his head and sighed. “No. It’s nothing. It’s just, I see how well we get along right now and I just hate that we couldn’t work it out. If anything for Dylan’s sake, you know? I mean, her life is going to be filled going back and forth between us and this year is one thing but what about next year? We live on opposite coasts now. I just don’t think we were fair to each other. Maybe we didn’t try hard enough,” he came closer to her and Becca bit on her lower lip. “Do you ever think about that, Bec? Cause I do. I know we’re with other people and all that, but whenever we’re together with Dylan, it goes through my mind and tonight’s been so great that I just-“

 

“No, Josh,” Becca cut him off. “Stop. You know we’re terrible together. And I don’t want to be with you because it’s convenient for Dylan. I want to be with you because I love you and I don’t think I do anymore, in that way.” She went to put the mixer in the sink and went to turn on the faucet, but Josh pulled her arm and forced her to turn and look at him.

 

“But could you again?” he was inches from her now and Becca felt her heart racing. He tilted her chin up and looked down at her. “If there wasn’t Evan, could you love me like you did again?”

 

“Josh…” she looked up at him. “What about Tara? Don’t you love her?”

 

“I’m not talking about Tara and me. I’m talking about you and me. Don’t we deserve to give it another shot?” he stroked her cheek with his finger and Becca felt a chill run down her spine. This was not supposed to be happening. “Or what if, for just one night, we-“

 

Becca wanted to pull herself away from him, but she couldn’t. “No,” she was barely whispering now. Her voice had gotten caught in her throat and she couldn’t think staright. “Josh…no. I don’t want to-“ he cut her off and kissed her hard on the mouth, backing her into the sink.

 

“Just for tonight, Becca,” he whispered in her ear. “No one has to know. We’re good at this part. You know we are.”

 

Becca’s mind was racing. Just for one night. Josh and her making love. No one was home. It was Christmas Eve. He was being so persistent with her right now. His hands seem to roam everywhere all at once and all she could do was stand there, frozen it seemed, yet she felt her hands moving over him, too. And then she snapped to life when she remembered that tomorrow she’d see Evan and she knew how guilty she’d feel.

 

“No,” she stopped kissing him and pushed him away. “No, Josh. It’s not right. We’re both in committed relationships and I can’t do this and neither can you. You know you can’t. You don’t want to be that guy.”

 

“What guy? The guy who wants to be with his daughter’s mother? Maybe I do,” he pulled her back to him and tried to kiss her, but Becca wouldn’t have it.

 

“Josh, I said no. I’m sorry. I can’t do that to Evan,” she walked away from him and went back to the guest bedroom she would be sleeping in that night. She sat on the bed and let herself catch her breath. He’d definitely stirred up something in her. She was hot and bothered and hadn’t been that way in a long time. No, not even with Evan. And if she was honest with herself, the only man that had known exactly what to do was Josh. But she couldn’t do that to her boyfriend. Evan was just what she needed right now and sleeping with Josh would only throw a huge wrench into something she didn’t need to deal with. She laid back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling, trying to get her heart and her head to stop doing battle with each other. She needed to be in Nashville and with Evan and as far away from him as possible right now. She had to be strong.

 

Then why was she fighting the urge to get up and go back in the room with him? She turned over and tried not to think about it. Maybe she’d just fall asleep and when she woke up, it would be time to go. But her mind wouldn’t turn off. She kept thinking about him pressing her against that sink and had to smile to herself when she remembered all of the times when they’d first started dating that they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. She’d gushed once to Janelle about how they’d done it in every room and in every bathroom at his house in Orlando. And he knew what to do. Boy, did he know.

 

She got up slowly from the bed and walked towards the door. It was just one time. No one would know. Her heart raced as she walked back to the living room. No one would know. She would know. Josh would know. But no one else. Becca had to steady herself. Was she really going to do this? What would it solve? Nothing. It wouldn’t solve a thing. But for some reason it had started not to matter. Josh was sitting on the couch, aimlessly flipping through the channels on the television. He looked up when he saw her standing in the doorway. Their eyes locked and Becca sauntered towards him. He stood up and pulled her into a hug. She looked up at him and he smiled.

 

“Just one night,” she whispered, feeling his lips come down on hers.

 

“Just one night,” he answered her, and led her back to his bedroom.

 

Becca landed in Nashville at 5:00PM sharp. She’d managed to catch the first flight out of DC, which was supposed to have been at 6:00AM, but there had been a three hour delay and then a layover in Atlanta. She was just glad to be out of the house first thing, before she had to see Josh again. After they’d slept together, Becca had felt the way she knew she would and guilt overwhelmed her. They were great at acting fine in front of the Chasez’s and even managed to put Dylan to bed together. But after that, Becca didn’t join in playing games or watching more movies. She’d feigned sleep and told everyone she needed to rest up so she could leave in time the next day. The truth was, she didn’t sleep at all and was more than happy when she was the first one awake on Christmas morning. She quickly kissed Dylan good-bye and left a note by the coffee pot for the family, thanking them for everything. By the time she was on the plane, she let herself cry yet again and wondered how in the world she was going to survive seeing her boyfriend after what she’d done to him the night before.

“What’s wrong?” Evan pulled Becca against him after they’d made love later that evening. “You’ve been so quiet all day. Are you missing Dylan?” he nuzzled his nose into her neck and kissed her. Becca looked up at her boyfriend, the night before washing over her like a wave of regret. Her stomach had been in knots all day and when she’d landed and seen him waiting for her at the end of the walkway at the airport, she wanted to throw up from the instant pangs of guilt. Once they’d been at home with her family, she chalked it up to being tired. And when they made love, it was all Becca could do not to think about how it had been with Josh.

 

“Yes,” she whispered and that was true. She did miss her daughter. Only Dylan wasn’t the reason that Becca felt as if she was the world’s biggest liar and cheat. She looked up at Evan and forced a smile. “I’m sorry, babe. It’s just been a long day.” Evan returned the smile and kissed her again. Normally, she would have been reassured. Normally. But this wasn’t normal. She’d never slept with an ex and then been with her boyfriend in less than 24 hours. It was late now and Becca knew that feigning sleep was the only solution to try and make it all go away. She kissed Evan back and closed her eyes, listening to him as he fell asleep almost instantly. She was sure he could hear her unsteady breathing or the rate at which her heart was beating. She was so guilty and ashamed and never had felt this way before about anything. And how awful of a girlfriend was she if she kept this a secret? But it had to be a secret. She had told herself that last night when she went to bed with Josh.

 

After two hours of pretending to be asleep, Becca couldn’t do it anymore. She rolled out of bed, grabbed her cell phone, and went into the bathroom to call Josh. He answered on the first ring.

 

“I have to tell him,” Becca spoke softly, but could still hear her voice echo against the tiles.

 

“Becca, don’t be ridiculous. You know last night was just-“ he tried to reason with her but Becca interrupted him.

 

“I don’t care what it was. I feel awful and I can’t sleep because of it,” she sat down against the sink. “Look, you know as well as I do that I can’t keep something like this bottled up. I shouldn’t have done that, Josh. I shouldn’t have slept with you.”

 

He was glad she couldn’t see him wincing on the other end. For Josh, being with Becca had been the best present he could’ve received. It had felt right. Perfect, in fact. He woke up that morning wondering why in the world they weren’t back together. But she’d been gone before he could tell her that. “Well, I’m sorry that you feel that way. But there’s nothing we can do about it. Do what you want, but I think you’re making a mistake.” A part of him felt relieved. Maybe this was what needed to happen. Evan would break up with her and Becca would realize that she loved Josh all along.

 

“Then it’s my mistake and I’ll deal with it. I just can’t keep lying to him. He’s my boyfriend,”

 

“Lying to me about what?”

Becca gasped and looked up to see Evan standing in the doorway of the bathroom. He’d heard as much as he needed to hear and Becca knew it was only going to be a longer night than either one of them wanted to have.

 

January 2003

 

“I don’t care that it’s ‘your’ day or whatever, JC! I’m your girlfriend and I’m in town and Becca will understand!” Tara was practically whining and shouting at the same time at Josh. They were standing in the lobby of The Four Seasons and Josh could feel a billion people staring at them.

 

“Keep your voice down!” he hissed at her. “I don’t live here, okay? And I’m sorry, but my daughter is my main priority right now. I don’t get to see her very much and Becca is shooting all day. So, you can either come with us or I’ll meet you for dinner tonight.”

 

Tara glared at him. “I cannot believe I wasted an airline flight on you! No, I don’t want to come around New York City with you and a baby! I don’t care if she’s your daughter or not. Do you know how much time I had to take off from my shoot?”

 

“I really don’t care,” Josh muttered and ran a hand through his hair. He let out a big sigh and shook his head. “Look, I’m leaving. I have to meet Becca and Dylan in ten minutes and it’s going to take fifteen to get over to their side of town. So I’m sorry, but my mind’s made up.”

 

Tara rolled her eyes and glared at him. “So’s mine. I’m going back to L.A. first thing. Don’t bother calling when you get back, babe.” She sashayed her way over to the Concierge desk and Josh knew she was expecting him to run after her, but he didn’t. Instead, he turned and headed outside where his limo was waiting on him.

 

Becca was standing outside of her apartment building when the limo pulled up. Dylan was fastened to her side, clutching a baby doll and resting her head on Becca’s shoulder. When she saw Josh, her face lit up and she immediately began to reach for him.

 

“Sorry I’m late,” Josh apologized, reaching for Dylan. “How are you?”

 

The last three weeks had been rough on Becca. Evan had promptly broken up with her, just as Josh had expected, and had flown back to New York almost just as promptly. Even though Becca had expected it, she was still not in the best of spirits and Josh felt partially, if not mostly, responsible. But Becca wouldn’t let him take blame. She had known this might happen and even though she missed Evan, she’d realized there had been many things about him that didn’t fit what she needed right now.

 

“I’m okay,” Becca smiled. “How are you?” She couldn’t help but notice how good her ex looked. He could pull off almost anything with those blue eyes. His hair had gotten considerably longer than it had been in a while, and he’d lightened it somewhat so that the darker shade of brown was now almost a light blonde. Nonetheless, he still looked pretty good. She shook it off and began to hand him Dylan’s things.

 

“Good. Tara broke up with me. But you know, it is what it is,” he sighed and kissed his daughter’s cheek.

“When?” Becca asked, as she helped Josh put Dylan in her stroller. The toddler whimpered somewhat, but Josh immediately pulled her favorite stuffed animal out from the diaper bag and Dylan began to babble happily in her own little language.

 

“About twenty minutes ago,” Josh shrugged. “She didn’t really want to compete with the world’s most beautiful little girl.” He looked down at Dylan and grinned. Dylan grinned back at him. “We did a good job, Bec. Look at her. She’s beautiful.”

 

“I’m sorry about that, Josh. Tara, I mean,” Becca rolled her eyes. “To be honest, I never liked her anyway.” They began to walk towards the limo and Becca kissed Dylan before getting inside. “You be good for Daddy. I love you, pretty girl.” She looked up at Josh. “We did do a good job. She’s amazing. Have fun, ok?”

 

Josh nodded and shut the door to the limo for Becca. The car drove away and immediately Dylan began calling for her mother.

 

“Mama! Mama!” she whimpered, and Josh knelt down next to her and kissed his daughter’s forehead.

 

“Hey, you. Who’s this?” he pointed to himself and Dylan immediately burst into a grin.

 

“Dad-dy,” she giggled.

 

“That’s right. Daddy. And Daddy’s going to take you all over New York today while Mama’s at work,” he stood to his feet and then began to push the stroller towards the next block. He wondered how much longer he’d have to go back and forth between New York and L.A. just to spend time with his child. And he wondered how long it would be before he and Becca ever came to their senses about their feelings for each other. He’d seen the gaze she’d given him when he had first walked up. She’d tried to hide it, but Josh wasn’t stupid. He’d seen it so many times in Becca’s eyes when they’d dated.

 

But that had been so long ago it seemed. Three whole years had passed. Granted he’d gotten the best thing in the world out of it and that was being Dylan’s father. But he wanted Becca to complete the package. It was just convincing her that was the issue. The light changed on the street sign and Josh crossed the block and pretty soon all he could think about was Becca and how he had to win her back. 

July 2003

Becca looked at the contract in front of her. A six-week appearance as “Maureen” in Rent on the West End in London. She’d always wanted to do live theatre professionally and here was her chance. The movie had wrapped a while ago and she’d made a few appearances on television shows and was in talks for a sitcom with Josh Hartnett, but she hadn’t heard anything in weeks about it.

 

“They’ll fly you and Dylan out in a week. You’ll start rehearsals as soon as you land and you’ll be back in September. It’s a good gig, Becca,” Leo prodded her. Becca only nodded and fiddled with the pen in her hand.

 

“It’s amazing, Leo. I just…” she sighed and tried to choose her words carefully. “Josh. I just don’t know if I can take Dylan away from Josh for that long.”

 

“It’s not like he’s as busy as he was,” Leo chided her. “That Timberlake kid took it all when he made his solo debut. Josh can come out to London whenever he wants to see her.”

 

Becca bit on her lower lip. “I have to bring Alyssa with me. During rehearsals Dylan would be with her,”

 

“Fine,” Leo took the contract and made adjustments adding that a nanny be with Becca’s daughter at all times. “There. Done. Now all we have to do is get you to sign it.”

 

Becca did so without batting an eye. She would have to call Josh that night and tell him the news. No, he wasn’t as busy as he had been in years past, so maybe he could come out to London a few times to see Dylan while Becca was performing. He wouldn’t like it, but right now, Becca was a working mother and if she let herself think about the fact that Dylan was with a nanny more than she would’ve liked, she would tear up the contract and quit immediately. But she couldn’t. She could do this.

 

After she’d put Dylan to bed, Becca went into the living room and sat down to call Josh. It was six in the evening in L.A. and she knew he was either at the recording studio or taking a nap before heading out for the evening. The phone rang three times before she heard an unfamiliar voice on the other end. A female voice.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Um. Hi. Who is this?”

 

“Brandi. Who’s this?”

 

“I’m the mother of Josh’s child. May I speak to him, please?”

 

There was a muffled sound and she heard Josh whisper loudly, “I told you not to answer my phone!” Then, “Becca? Is that you?”

 

Becca felt a pit in her stomach and hated that she did. Every time he dated someone she felt the same pit. She ignored it. No sense going down that rocky road again. She cleared her throat, “Am I interrupting?”

 

“No. Sorry,” Josh looked over at the woman next to him in his bed and shook his head at her. They’d gone out a few times now. She was a bartender at an upscale club in Beverly Hills who did modeling on the side. She was pretty and she fulfilled his physical needs, that was for sure. But talk about ditzy. “Sorry. How are you? Is Dylan OK?”

 

“Yeah, she’s fine,” Becca pulled her knees up to her chest and leaned against the couch. “She’s asleep. I was actually calling to tell you some exciting news.”

 

The only thing exciting that she could’ve told him was that she and Dylan were moving to L.A. and Josh immediately felt his heart skip a beat. He also felt Brandi’s hand roaming down his chest and pushed her away gently. “What is it?”

 

“I got offered the part of “Maureen” in Rent,”

 

“Wow! That’s awesome, Bec-“

 

“In London. For six weeks. And I’m taking Dylan with me,”

 

Josh wanted to throw the phone against the wall. He was silent for a minute. “Oh. Ok. So you’re taking my daughter away from me for six weeks?”

 

“I’m not taking her away from you. And you can come out as much as you want to-“

 

“Are you kidding, Becca? To London?! That’s not exactly an easy trip,”

 

“It’s just for six weeks, Josh. You could come out at least once,”

 

“You’re being unreasonable,”

 

“I’m doing the best I can,”

 

He was silent. Then, “What if I took her for six weeks?”

 

It was Becca’s turn to be quiet. Six weeks without Dylan? What kind of mother would she be? And she would miss her daughter more than anything. She groaned inwardly, knowing that this was how it would be for the next sixteen years, until Dylan was old enough to make her own decisions about where she wanted to spend her time.

 

“Fine. What if you take her for the first three and then come out to London?”

 

Josh sighed into the phone and rubbed face with his free hand. “Okay. Are you going to bring her out to L.A. or do I need to get a ticket out to New York, too?”

 

“Stop being an ass. I’ll bring her out on Friday, okay?” Becca snapped at him, wondering how it had gotten to this. She was expecting him to be excited for her, but deep down she knew the pain he was in from only seeing Dylan every so often.

 

“I’m not being an ass, I’m only…oh whatever. Nevermind. I’ll see you on Friday,” Josh hung up and laid back down, immediately feeling Brandi crawling on top of him. He wasn’t in the mood, but she was relentless.

 

“You’re no fun,” Brandi sat up and pouted with him.

 

“It’s been a long day,” Josh got up from the bed and went into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him before Brandi could protest. Was this how it was really going to be from now on? Shuffling between two coasts and now between two continents? It was no way to raise their child.

 

Becca had only been in London for 3 days but she could already tell it agreed with her. She loved the shopping, loved the culture, loved the English accents, and especially loved her cast mates. Rehearsals for Rent were long and took up most of her day, but at the end of it, everyone would go out for drinks at the local pub around the corner from the rehearsal hall. She made sure to always check in with Josh and Dylan throughout the day, whether it was through email or a quick phone call. She would start in the show in two days and wished so much Josh could see her opening night. No matter what, he was always going to be a vital part of her life.

 

After her last rehearsal, the cast decided to go and celebrate at a high end restaurant near Leicester Square. Becca ended up sitting between Charley Ann Day, an Irish actress who’d just finished the European Tour of Cats and was playing “Mimi” in the show, and Declan Montgomery, an actor from Northern England, who was famous for a British soap opera he’d done. Declan was playing “Roger” and he and Becca had immediately hit it off. She’d secretly developed an innocent little crush on him and it was nice to have something to take her mind off of Dylan and how much she missed her.

 

“Here’s to our first night. May we break all of our legs!” cried Susanna McKee, one of the understudies.

 

“Cheers!” Becca lifted her pint and clinked her glass with her other cast mates.

 

“So, how’s your little girl?” Declan asked her, while they munched on a few appetizers. He was gorgeous. He had sandy blonde hair that fell into a wave, a little scruff around his mouth that Becca found sexy, and green eyes that seemed to always penetrate her own when he talked to her.

 

“She was good when I talked to her before rehearsal. She had just woken up and her dad and her were going to the beach,” Becca took a sip of beer and rested her chin in her hand as she talked with Declan.

“Your ex, right? He was in a boy band?” Declan focused all of his attention on her.

 

“Yes. He was in Nsync. Or, I guess is in Nsync. They’re still on a hiatus,” every time Becca told people that she could hardly believe it. Justin was getting more popular by the minute as a solo artist and the thought of him ever going back to being in a group seemed almost foreign.

 

“How’d you meet him?” Declan asked her.

 

“We were on a talk show together. He saw me being interviewed before they were supposed to sing and asked me out. We dated a little over a year and then had Dylan,” she thought back to those first few dates when it was really nothing but sex and staying up all night on the phone talking when they weren’t in the same city. They’d been infatuated with each other and Becca hadn’t been infatuated like that since. Though with the way Declan was looking at her, she could easily become just as infatuated with him as she’d been with Josh. Possibly.

 

“How’d he let you get away?” Declan shook his head. “He should’ve held on to you for a while.”

 

Becca blushed and chuckled. “Well, it was mutual. We were terrible together,” Not at everything she told herself, remembering the last time they’d slept together and had to smile at that. It had been good, as dysfunctional as it turned out.

 

Three hours later, Declan was in her apartment and Becca was pouring him a glass of wine. They sat down on the couch and Declan wasted no time in pulling her towards him and kissing her. It felt wonderful to Becca, who’d not been with anyone since Evan and that had been in December. She let him take full control and was lost in the moment.

 

“Do you always do this with your coworkers?” Declan mumbled, as he attacked her neck.

 

“No,” Becca answered, trying not to gasp. “No. Just you.”

 

“Good. It’ll be our little secret,” they began to undress and soon Becca forgot about everything and reveled in what was happening. Her head was spinning, her heart racing, and soon she was sent over the edge. They were both out of breath and Declan looked down and smiled at her. “That was fun, Becca. We should do that again sometime.”

 

She grinned at him, “I’ve got nothing to do til tomorrow morning.” She stood up and he followed her back to her bedroom.

 

Three Weeks Later

 

Being upgraded on flights had its perks, especially when there was a two-and-half-year-old on it. Josh was flying over and would be in London a week before Alyssa came and took care of Dylan for the remainder of Becca’s performance. Josh had read rave reviews about Becca Sebastian in the role of “Maureen” and he’d even heard rumors from others in the business that she could take over on Broadway and make it even more popular. He grimaced at that thought, because he wanted her back in L.A. He’d broken up with Brandi shortly after his conversation with Becca about her going to London. He decided he was too old for flings and wanted something more serious. He’d also decided he was going to tell Becca this trip that he was still in love with her. He was sick of playing games and he knew both of them were going back and forth about it and it was getting ridiculous. Besides, she was truly the best thing that had ever happened to him, next to Dylan, of course. And despite the fighting, he knew they could learn to make it work.

 

As the plane touched down in Heathrow, Josh looked over at a sleeping Dylan. He gently unbuckled her seat belt once he was able and picked her up. After getting their luggage, Becca had ordered a limo to come and pick them up from the airport and take them to their hotel. She would meet up with them as soon as she was able. Josh was hoping his plan would work. He’d decided to take her back to the hotel, tuck Dylan in bed, and then tell her he was still in love with her and that he was ready to make it work. His heart raced as he thought about how they’d finally be a family. He knew she was still in love with him, too. It had been obvious on so many occasions. Yes, he was ready to do this.

 

“Wait, stop!” Becca gasped and pushed Declan off of her. “Sorry, I promised Josh I’d go meet him and Dylan at the Ritz.” Declan reluctantly rolled off of her and let her go. She stood from his bed and quickly dressed again, making sure to smooth out her hair and freshen up as much as she could. In the last three weeks, Becca had barely slept in her own bed and most every night, had left the theatre with Declan. He was like her drug and she couldn’t stop. It wasn’t anything but physical, but for once in her life, Becca didn’t care. In another three weeks, it would be over and she’d be back in New York with Dylan. One thing was for sure – Declan had definitely made her forget anything she was thinking she had for Josh when she left.

 

“When do I get to see you again?” Declan asked, sitting up in bed and watching her dress.

 

“Tonight,” she turned around to face him and then walked over, leaning over him on the bed. She kissed him quickly and then pulled away again. “You can come over after Dylan’s in bed.”

 

“You sure he won’t care?” Declan raised an eyebrow in reference to Josh.

 

“Josh is with someone else and even if he wasn’t, we’re not together and we won’t ever be together again,” Becca assured him. “Sorry, I need to go or else I’m going to be late.” She grabbed her things, kissed Declan once more, and ran down the stairs and outside towards the nearest tube station. Her mind was racing with thoughts of Declan. He was gorgeous and everyone in the cast knew he and Becca had been sleeping together. It hadn’t mattered. Becca felt like she wasn’t doing anything wrong. She was finally allowing herself to have a little fun.

 

Josh was unpacking his suitcase when Becca knocked on the door of his hotel room. He answered it and immediately wanted to pull her in his arms and kiss her, but refrained and simply gave her a quick hug.

 

“Mama!” Dylan shrieked when she saw her mother in the doorway. She ran to Becca, who knelt down and captured the child in her arms.

 

“Oh my gosh, I missed you so much!” Becca covered her daughter in kisses and hugs and picked her up as she stood. “How was your flight? Are you exhausted?” She came into the hotel room and sat down on the couch across from the bed.

 

Josh shrugged. “Used to do this all the time so it’s a little familiar. Dylan slept most of the way here. We were in First so that made it nice.”

 

“Ooh, look at you, missy, living it up!” Becca squeezed Dylan to her and the little girl giggled, holding tight to her mother.

Josh cleared his throat before he spoke. “Hey, Becca, do you think we could go back to your place for a drink after the show tonight? I was thinking it would be nice to catch up.”

 

“Oh, sure,” Becca nodded, making a mental note to tell Declan not to come until much later. “That would be great.” She smiled at Josh and went back to talking to Dylan. Josh watched them and sat down on his bed, restraining himself from falling into it and going to sleep. The scene in front of him was enough to keep him awake for a long time.

He made sure to get to the theatre a little early and had a bouquet of lilies, Becca’s favorite, in tow. Dylan had come along as well, though Josh knew he’d be in and out with her not being able to sit still. Nevertheless, he wanted to surprise Becca with the flowers. Perhaps it would make her more susceptible to listen to what he told her later that night. He found the entrance to the back of the theatre and, still able to use his celebrity status, was led back towards Becca’s dressing room.

 

She hadn’t meant for them to start fooling around in her dressing room, but she was weak when it came to Declan. He could look at her and make her want him right then and there. So when the door opened and she looked up suddenly to see Josh standing there in the doorway, her first instinct was to push Declan to the floor and quickly stand to her feet. Thankfully, no clothes had been removed yet, but her face was turning a nice shade of red.

 

Josh looked at the scene in front of him, trying to guard Dylan from seeing anything. Dylan hadn’t been paying attention, only ran to her mother happily and clung to her. Becca stood to her feet with Dylan in her arms.

 

“Hi,” she cleared her throat and forced a smile.

 

“What the hell, Becca?” Josh responded and looked at her, disgusted.

 

Declan slowly stood up and ran a hand through his hair. He looked at Becca and then at Josh. “Er, I’ll uh, see you later,” he ran past Josh and out of the room.

 

“I didn’t know you were coming early,” was all Becca could manage to say.

 

Josh held up the flowers and shook his head at her, frowning. “Yeah, I thought I’d bring you these,” he tossed them on her dressing table. “So, who was that?”

 

“His name is Declan. He plays ‘Roger’,” Becca answered, sitting down on the couch with Dylan.

 

“And?” Josh prodded, still standing in the doorway.

 

“And? What?” Becca looked at him incredulously.

 

“How long have you been seeing him?” Josh asked her, making Becca feel like she was on trial.

 

“We, well, it’s not serious. It’s just-“

 

“Oh, so you’re just screwing. I get it,”

 

“Since when do you care what I do?!” Becca snapped.

 

“Forget it,” Josh muttered. “C’mon, Dylan. Say bye to Mommy. We’re going to get our seats.”

 

“Why are you being like this?” Becca asked, as Dylan crawled off of her mother’s lap and ran back to Josh.

 

“Becca,” he sighed and looked at her. The woman he’d loved now for three years. He’d never stopped and it was likely that he ever would. “I was going to tell you that I loved you tonight. I wanted us to try again. It just feels right.” She went to speak, but Josh stopped her. “But I see now that you really have moved on. You don’t care anymore and I guess I should stop caring, too. So I’m done. I’m not going to pursue you anymore. We’ll just be Dylan’s parents and nothing more and I guess I’ll learn to accept that.” He went to leave but before he did, walked over to Becca, cupped her face in his hands and kissed her gently. “Break a leg,” he whispered, before taking Dylan and leaving Becca staring after him in complete confusion.

 

NOVEMBER 2003

 

Since he’d seen her in London, Josh had suddenly become more assertive about his relationship with Dylan. He had informed Becca once she’d returned back Stateside, that he wanted Dylan to be with him in L.A. more often than not. He’d said that he was done with her-Becca-calling the shots in their daughters’ life. When Becca had tried to protest, Josh had shut her down. He was finished with all of it. He was tired of the pursuit, only to get shot down. And so, he was now going to step up and be the father he wanted to be. He was going to see Dylan as much as he wanted to instead of waiting on the every-other-weekend agreement they’d made when she’d been born. His album was due for release soon as well and he knew that once that happened, his time with Dylan would be few and far between.

 

As for Becca, she’d been somewhat taken aback by Josh’s assertiveness. She didn’t know if she liked it. She’d been used to being in control when it came to Dylan. She made decisions for when Dylan would go see Josh because it seemed reasonable to her, especially because Josh’s schedule had been so crazy since Dylan’s birth. But now, he wasn’t relenting in any way and he wasn’t going to sit back and let Becca get more time with Dylan than he did. It only made her wonder if she should give up her life in New York and move back to L.A. The thought made her shiver. She loved living in New York, but was it fair to make her daughter and her nanny travel continuously back and forth whenever Josh wanted to see Dylan? She knew that answer.

 

She also knew how strained her relationship was with Josh now. They hadn’t spoken about their last argument in London, which had ultimately made Declan run the other way. It didn’t take him long to find a new fling. Right before Becca had finished her run, he’d already taken up with an understudy. It was cause enough for Becca to be furious with Josh for confronting her like he had and also furious with herself for thinking that Declan was anything more than a fling. But it was fine because she knew once Josh was gone, she wouldn’t have to see him.

 

Living in L.A. would be a completely different story.

 

Josh had come over to Becca’s bungalow the day after she and Dylan had arrived. He was taking Dylan for a few days and also wanted to show Becca lyrics to one of his songs on the upcoming album. A song he’d written a while ago when he and Becca had been broken up right after Dylan’s birth and had never expected to release it. But when producers had heard it, they were adamant it be on the album. It shouldn’t matter to her. He wasn’t pursuing her anymore and she wasn’t speaking to him about anything but Dylan. But it was only fair to let her know that this song was for her and had been for her and every time he sang it, he thought of her. Originally, he’d even titled it “The Story of Becca and Josh” but on the album it would be re-named “Dear Goodbye.”

 

Becca opened the door and smiled when she saw him on the other side. She could at least smile and be cordial. That was easy. She was an actress, after all.

 

“Hi,” she greeted him. “Sorry, it’s kind of a mess. We’re still unpacking and-“

 

Josh shook his head. “I understand. Where’s Dylan?” He walked in behind her and followed her into the living room where Dylan was on the floor playing with her toys and dolls.

 

“Hey, baby girl,” Josh knelt down next to his daughter, who immediately threw her toys aside and squealed, “Daddy!” She threw her arms around his neck and giggled as he picked her up. Josh squeezed her tight, grateful that now she wouldn’t be a flight across the country away. She was right here, just a forty-minute drive across the city.

 

“I’ll go get her things,” Becca went to walk out of the living room, but Josh stopped her.

 

“Hey, I wanted to tell you about something. Do you have a minute?” he asked her.

 

Becca slowly nodded. “Sure,” she said. “Come in the kitchen. Do you want anything to drink?”

 

Josh shook his head. “I’m good,” he followed Becca into the kitchen and sat down at the small table against the bay window. Dylan, growing restless in her father’s lap, scurried off and ran back into the living room.

 

Becca leaned against the island in the kitchen and faced her ex. She watched him as he looked at the floor and then up at her again. She knew whatever it was he had to tell her was somewhat serious but didn’t want to jump to any conclusions. Sometimes, she read him right, other times she had completely failed in that area.

 

“Is everything okay?” she asked, searching his eyes.

 

“I just want to be honest with you. I wrote a song about us when Dylan was born. It’s going to be on the album and I wanted you to know so you didn’t get upset if you heard it,” Josh responded and waited for Becca’s reaction. When she only shrugged and didn’t say anything, he continued, “It’s called ‘Dear Goodbye.’ But I originally had it titled ‘The Story of Becca and Josh.’ Anyway, I just wanted you to know. That’s all.”

 

Becca’s lips formed a small smile. “I think that’s awesome, Josh. Can I read the ly-“she started and Josh stopped her.

 

“I figured you’d ask that. Here,” he pulled a folded up piece of paper from the back of his jeans pocket. Becca walked over and took it from him and opened the paper, slowly reading the lyrics to the song. The lyrics were heartfelt and she knew he had to have written them right after they’d broken up. She looked up at him, a single tear falling down her cheek.

 

“It’s beautiful,” she almost whispered. And sad, she thought to herself. And tragic. And true. So true.

 

“So you’re okay with it? I mean, I’ll pull it if you want me to. I just think-“ Josh stood from the chair he was sitting in and Becca shook her head, wiping away her tear.

 

“No. No, don’t pull it. It’s fine. I think it’s going to be great,” she smiled again and sniffed, wiping her tears on her sleeve. She let out a quick sigh and looked at the clock on the microwave. “You better get Dylan. She’s been so excited to see you.”

 

Josh approached her, and touched her arm with his hand. “Thanks, Becca. I’m glad you liked it.”

 

Becca nodded and felt another tear about to make its way down her cheek. She wouldn’t cry in front of him anymore. “Yep. It’s great,” she nodded quickly and moved away from him. “Dylan! Come on, baby. Daddy’s ready to go!”

Josh eyed Becca. “Becca, are you okay? I mean, really?”

 

Becca tried to be as reassuring as she could. “I’m fine! Really! I like the song and I’m glad it’s going to be on your album,” she wouldn’t look at him and continued to call for Dylan.

 

“Becca, I’m sorry if it brought up stuff. That’s not what I meant to do,” Josh said softly.

 

I hate how well he knows me, Becca griped inwardly. “Josh, it’s fine!” she repeated. “Really. It’s a bittersweet song. So, what do you have planned for Dylan?”

 

Knowing she was shutting down, he relented and went along with the change of subject. “There’s a new park near my house. I thought she’d enjoy that. And of course ice cream and maybe a trip to the zoo,” he answered.

 

“She’s going to have a blast,” Becca answered. “Alyssa will be in town when you bring her back. I have an audition so she should be at the house when you drop her off.” In the quick move, Alyssa had wholeheartedly agreed to continue nannying for Dylan, and Becca and Josh had rented her an apartment not far from Becca’s home.

 

At that minute, Dylan wandered in, a stuffed bear in her arms. “Hi, Daddy,” she looked up at Josh and raised her arms, immediately being picked up in her father’s arms.

 

“You’re going to have fun with Daddy, Dylan,” Becca walked over to her and kissed her daughter’s cheek. She looked at Josh again. “Thanks again for letting me know, Josh. I really can’t wait to hear it.”

 

Josh could only nod and gave her a goodbye, then headed out with Dylan. Becca watched him and let her tears fall. That song, those lyrics, had awakened memories inside of her that she had squelched long ago. It was their song and so tragic, just like their relationship. Her tears turned into sobs and soon she was weeping, her arms wrapped around her waist. She was weeping for the past and for the future she knew could never be.

APRIL 2005

 

“Daddy!” Josh was jolted awake by a panicked scream coming from Dylan’s room. He sat straight up and looked over at Eva, who had been asleep, but, upon Dylan’s scream, had woken up. She groaned irritably and looked at Josh, glowering at him.

 

“I thought you said she slept through the night!” Eva snapped at him, her eyes closing again.

 

Josh sighed and swung his feet over the edge of the bed. “She usually does,” he muttered and stood up, a little adgitated with Eva’s attitude.

 

They’d only been together for three months and even though he’d told her from the beginning that he had a child, she was still skeptical when it came to Dylan. He also felt guilty because he and Becca had both promised they wouldn’t have the opposite sex spend the night because it would only confuse their 4-year-old. Tonight he’d broken that promise and after Dylan had fallen asleep, called Eva and snuck her in, as if he were a teenager sneaking in his girlfriend. He told himself it would be fine. Eva would be gone early the next morning, she promised him, and Dylan would never know and neither would Becca. That was the other reason he felt guilty – he was lying to Becca and it would only add fuel to the fire if she found out. He already knew Becca played by the rules when it came to having whomever she was dating spend the night. Right now, she was with a lighting director she’d met on her last movie and as far as Josh knew, Dylan had only spent a few hours with him and never at Becca’s house. Nonetheless, it had been done and he’d broken the rule. Now all he had to do was see what Dylan was crying about and assure Eva it wouldn’t happen again.

 

He sleepily walked down the hallway, by the bannisters that overlooked the living room below and in his sleepy state, noticed Dylan had left her toys scattered all over the couch. Yet something else he’d failed at – making his daughter clean up her toys.  Becca had been working with her to get her started on picking up her messes, whether it be her toys or something small like bringing her dinner plate to the sink. Josh was trying his best to carry out the rule with Dylan at his house and was slowly realizing he was a softie when it came to his daughter.

 

Josh walked into Dylan’s room and saw his daughter sitting straight up in bed, big alligator-like tears running down her cheeks. She reached for her father and Josh quickly walked over to her bed and picked her up, settling her into his lap.

 

“What is it, baby?” he pulled Dylan close to him and kissed the top of her head, slowly rocking her back and forth.

 

“I had a bad dream!” she sobbed, hiccupping. “A monster was chasing me! And it was a bad monster. It wasn’t good like Sully!” Josh was thankful he was well-versed in Disney movies. Otherwise, he’d have no idea who the hell “Sully” was if Dylan hadn’t made him watch Monsters, Inc. over and over the other day.

 

“It’s okay, baby. Daddy’s here now,” he whispered, smoothing out her long, brown hair. “It was just a dream, right? It wasn’t real.” He kissed her again and went to put her back down, but Dylan clung to him, not wanting to let go.

 

“Can I sleep with you, Daddy?” she whimpered, still hiccupping. She looked up at him with her big, blue eyes and Josh knew he couldn’t turn her down. But there was a slight problem – Eva was still in his bed. And he already knew if he brought Dylan back with him, she wouldn’t be exactly thrilled. Dylan sniffed, “Mama always lets me sleep with her when I have a bad dream.” Obviously, Josh had no choice. What kind of father would he be if he told his daughter to sleep in her own bed after a terrifying nightmare, which obviously this was.

 

“Come on,” he forced a smile, picking her up and walking back to his bedroom on the other end of the house.

“Who’s that, Daddy?” Dylan asked, almost as soon as he came into the room.

 

Eva sat straight up. “What the hell, JC?!” she fired at him. “You aren’t serious?!”

 

“She had a bad dream,” Josh answered, ignoring his girlfriend.

 

“Is that Eva, Daddy?” Dylan looked from Josh to Eva and smiled at the woman in her father’s bed. “Hi, Eva! I had a bad dream and Daddy said I could sleep with him.”

 

“Wonderful,” Eva griped aloud. Then, “Honey, I’m going to sleep in the guest room.”

 

“Eva-“ Josh started, but Eva raised her hand and slipped on her tiny nightgown without Dylan noticing that she wasn’t wearing anything but panties.

 

“No. It’s fine,” she said through gritted teeth and went towards the door. She looked back at Josh before she left, “I’ll let myself out tomorrow morning, dear. Don’t worry.” She was gone before Josh could protest anything else.

 

Ignoring what had just happened and knowing it would be a huge argument later the next day between him and Eva, Josh put Dylan in bed and kissed her goodnight, then crawled in on his side of the bed and was suddenly wide awake. Dylan was going to tell Becca, there was no question. Or maybe not. Maybe he’d just tell Becca it was part of Dylan’s bad dream, seeing his girlfriend in his bed. Or that Dylan was four and who was she-Becca-going to believe? Him or their four-year-old? Josh knew it was wrong and he’d already lied. Keeping his mouth shut until he was confronted about it seemed to be the best solution. And there was no telling what in the world Eva was going to say to him the next day. Their relationship was rocky in the first place and was basically just amazing sex, nothing more. They had little in common and Eva’s role on Desperate Housewives certainly took precedence over her relationship with Josh. He’d only been with one other woman who could take his breath away during lovemaking and that had been Becca. And even though Eva had that ability, there were times, many in fact, that he’d thought about Becca while Eva was pleasing him.

 

Eva was gone before Josh woke up the next morning. He ignored the sinking pit in his stomach that gnawed at him as he made Dylan breakfast. She hadn’t said anything to him about Eva yet and so he started to breathe easier as they shared a bowl of Fruit Loops and Nutella toast. It was Saturday, after all.

 

“Hey, Dylan, after breakfast, you need to pick up your toys, okay?” Josh told her, sipping his coffee. Dylan only nodded and slurped up her cereal.

“Daddy, can we watch a movie after breakfast?” Dylan asked him, taking a bite of toast. Her mouth was covered in chocolate and Josh couldn’t help but laugh at her.

 

“As long as you clean your face and your toys, we can do whatever you want, baby girl,” he answered her.

 

“No, before I clean up,” she told him, taking another bite of toast. “Cause what if I want to play while I’m watching a movie?”

 

“Dylan, I want you to clean up before the movie. If you want to play again, you can, but there’s a lot of toys left out from last night,” Josh was trying to be firm, but Dylan didn’t relent.

 

“Mama lets me,” she pouted, looking at her father almost defiantly. This was a new weapon Dylan was using as of late. She would compare her parents’ disciplines and rewards with the other. Becca had caught onto it the first time Dylan had told her mother that Josh had let her drink Coke after 9pm. Becca’s response had been that she didn’t care, that when she was at her father’s house he should know better, and that she wasn’t to do it again. Josh had paid dearly for that mistake. Dylan had been wide awake until 2am on a caffeine high.

 

“Don’t pull that with me, Dylan,” he warned her. “I know better and I definitely know your mom doesn’t let you get away with that.”

 

Dylan sighed, knowing she was defeated, and finished her breakfast. When she was through, she hopped off her chair and obediently took her dishes to the sink, carefully tossing them in, before running into the living room and beginning the process of cleaning up.

 

By the time Becca came to pick up Dylan, she and Josh had watched two movies, played a game of Chutes and Ladders, and had a snack of chocolate milk and graham crackers. Dylan had mentioned nothing of Eva being there, nor had she asked where Eva was, and Josh assumed he’d gotten away with it. He vowed to himself he’d never do it again, but he was thankful he didn’t have to explain anything to Becca. Eva had called after Dylan had been picked up and told him she’d be busy the rest of the weekend. In other words, she was pissed off and was going to make him pay for it. Ironically, Josh hadn’t seemed to care. He’d had Dylan for the week anyway and was exhausted and was going to enjoy a night to himself.

 

He’d just sat down in front of the television to unwind with a beer, when his cell phone rang. He looked down and saw Becca’s name flash across the screen.

 

“Hey,” he greeted her.

 

“What the hell, Josh? Dylan told me Eva spent the night last night and was in your bed! Are you kidding me? We had a deal!”

 

Josh cringed at the tone of her voice. “Becca, I know I-“

 

“I had to explain to our four-year-old daughter that you were having a slumber party. And then she proceeded to tell me that Eva wasn’t wearing any clothes. I mean, do you think about these things, Josh?”

 

“It was one time, Becca. One!” he raised his voice slightly and then wished he hadn’t.

 

“Oh, I’m so sorry. So she sees your girlfriend in bed with you, naked, and it’s OK?” she snapped back at him. “Think about it, Josh. What if it had been me and Caleb? And she came back and told you she had seen me in bed with him and-“

 

“I said I messed up, Becca! I get it, alright? Geez, stop nagging me about it!” Josh was close to yelling now, but he didn’t care. “I’m sorry I can’t be the perfect parent that you are, but I can’t do that. I screwed up. It won’t happen again.”

 

Becca was fuming. “Stop that! You know I’m far from perfect, I just-“

 

“Are you kidding? You have every minute of our child’s life planned out for her. When I pick her up she tells me about art class, about ballet, about gymnastics. It’s no wonder your career is slacking off when all you do is run her all over Los Angeles!”

 

He regretted it as soon as he said it. He hadn’t meant it at all. Yes, Becca’s career hadn’t been what it was five years ago and yes, it was difficult getting roles now. But in a way, he knew she liked it.

 

She had enough money in residuals from the reruns of Sarah and she still had appeared in a few movies and done a few pilots that had never been picked up. But it was okay. It was okay because she had Dylan and maybe she did a lot with her daughter but Dylan was the one thing in Becca’s life that was stable. Her relationships with men never lasted, it had been a few months since she’d even spoken to Janelle, and she hadn’t really kept in much contact with Bailey since Bailey had given up Hollywood and moved back to Texas to be with her family. It was hard to make friends in L.A. She sometimes wished she’d never left New York. And on some days, she wished she’d never decided to become an actress and was safe at home in Tennessee.

 

“I can’t talk to you right now,” Becca was fighting back tears and Josh could hear it on the other end.

 

“Becca, you know I didn’t mean it, I-“

“Just let me know when you want to see Dylan, okay? I’ll make sure I don’t have her across town or whatever,” Becca hung up on him and leaned against the back of the couch. She looked over and saw Dylan standing in the entrance of the living room, a surprised expression on her face.

 

“Mama, was that Daddy?” she asked, walking towards her mother. “Were you fighting? Did Daddy make you cry?”

 

Becca sighed and forced herself to smile. “That was Daddy. We had a small fight. But it’s okay,” she pulled Dylan into her lap. “You should be in bed, you know.”

 

“I know but I was thirsty,” Dylan cuddled against Becca’s chest, and began to play with her mother’s ringlet’s.

 

“Hey, Dyl?” Becca looked down at her.

 

“What?” Dylan yawned and cuddled even closer to her mother.

 

“Do you like taking ballet and gymnastics and all that stuff?” Becca ventured to ask. “Because if you don’t, you let me know and we’ll stop going.”

 

“I like it, Mama,” Dylan said and reached up to kiss Becca’s cheek.

 

Becca only nodded and rocked her daughter, suddenly finding contentment in this moment. It was the most peaceful moment she’d had in a while.

 

Josh sat back on his couch and put his beer down on the coffee table. He hated it when he and Becca fought and it was more often than not. It was true, Becca did fill up Dylan’s schedule, but Becca was a great mother. Many times his own mother had reminded him of that fact. He was tired of this arrangement but yet he knew it was how it had to be. Nothing was going to erase their past and they had Dylan for the rest of their lives. He could be grateful for that. But he wondered if Becca ever regretted not waking up next to him and having Dylan run into their bedroom in the morning and cuddling between them. Or if she regretted them taking family vacations together. On the outside, it looked like most Hollywood arrangements when the parents split up. He’d even compared it to that in an interview he’d done a few years back. He said they made it work for Dylan and that was true. But what about for them? Didn’t adults ever get a say in that?

 

His phone rang and he looked down to see it was Eva.

 

“Hey, baby, I’m sorry about this morning. How about we try it again?” her voice was low and seductive and Josh was immediately aroused.

 

“I’ll be here,” he answered. “Hurry up.”

 

Eva was there in fifteen minutes and they barely made it upstairs. In fact, they didn’t make it upstairs. He took her on the top of the stairs and she didn’t object. His mind was flurried with images of the phone conversation he’d had with Becca and not on Eva, even though she was doing everything right. He closed his eyes and thought of Becca. Of Becca’s long, auburn hair, the way it caressed its way down his skin. Of her laugh when he had attacked her neck. Of the way she bit her lip when she was beneath him. Soon, he couldn’t remember anything but Becca. It was wrong and he knew it. Maybe it would always be this way, no matter how beautiful the other woman was. His mind wandered to that one time on the couch in her old apartment in Beverly Hills. The time in his shower at his house in Orlando. And the last time. Christmas Eve. She’d said his name so much that he knew she wouldn’t be able to remember who Evan was after that and Josh was proud of that fact. He was so lost in his fantasies that he didn’t even realize what he’d just done.

 

“What did you say?!” Eva pushed him off of her.

 

“Huh?” Josh mumbled, opening his eyes and coming back to reality.

 

“You just called me Becca!” Eva stumbled over him as she stood up.

 

Josh’s eyes flew open and he stood up, nearly falling over the last step. “Wait, Eva, no I didn’t!” he was lying and he knew it. The crazy thing was, he was so caught up in his fantasy of Becca on top of him, he couldn’t remember anything else.

 

“We’re done,” Eva began to pull her shirt over her head. “You’re sick. Get back with your kid’s mom if you have to think about her when you’re doing me!” She flew down the stairs and Josh ran after her.

 

“Eva, wait, please! I didn’t mean, I mean I didn’t think-“ he stammered as she grabbed her purse from the entryway.

 

“You’re damn right you didn’t think! Just like I didn’t think when I thought it would be a good idea to date you. Have a nice life!” Eva slammed the door, leaving Josh alone in the foyer.

 

AUGUST 2005

 

Becca left the audition and knew she’d bombed it. After this long in the business, she was a pro at knowing when she’d be called back and when it was a lost cause from the beginning. This audition, for a movie starring Tobey Maguire about the life of Lou Gehrig for HBO, was a lost cause. The casting director had hardly looked up at her and she heard one of the producers whispering, “…show on Fox a while ago…too old…dating a Backstreet Boy…” to which Becca wanted to retort, “It was a member of Nsync and we’re not together!” but she held her tongue, smiled at them as she left, and headed for the car as quickly as her feet would carry her. She opened the door and sat for a minute, resting her head on the back of the seat. She let out an exasperated sigh, put the key in the ignition, and started the car. This was not her week. To make matter even more dull, Caleb had told her the night before that he wanted to take a break. No, it wasn’t her week. Or, judging from the last few months, her year.

 

As she was pulling out, her cell rang and she answered it, hoping it was her agent telling her she’d been cast as a guest star on Grey’s Anatomy. That audition had gone well, she’d thought. And she could play the role. A woman who is cheating on her husband while he’s in the ER. It sounded perfect and a lot of fun.

 

“This is Becca,” she said, in her most professional voice.

 

“Hey Becca. It’s your old pal, Joey Fatone. How are you?” came Joey’s enthusiastic greeting. Becca nearly did a double take and had to remember to keep her eyes on the road.

 

“Hey, Joey! Wow, this is a surprise,”

 

“Yeah, JC gave me your number. I hope that’s okay,”

 

She was intrigued. “Oh, yeah, that’s fine. What’s up?”

 

“Well, I’m going to Orlando for a three month run of Rent. How’d you like to star opposite of me and reprise your role as ‘Maureen’? It’s for a professional theatre and the director is calling you later today to offer you the role officially, but I figured I’d give you a heads up. And even see if it’s possible,”

 

Becca was thrilled. Maybe this was why she wasn’t getting any roles in L.A. She was going to be back on the stage as one of her favorite parts she’d ever played. “Maureen” was feisty and fun and unpredictable. Everything Becca felt she wasn’t. And getting out of Los Angeles was exactly what she needed. Josh was more or less out of her life except for picking up and dropping off Dylan. And even when he did, she usually let Alyssa handle it so she didn’t have to talk to him. Dear, devoted Alyssa. Becca knew she was about to resign and she shuddered to think about it. But realistically, Dylan was ready to begin pre-school in the fall and she really wouldn’t need a nanny as much. Not to mention Alyssa wanted to go back to school and get her Masters in Business. Becca had recently filled out a glowing recommendation for UCLA for her.

 

“Joey, that’s incredible! Of course I’ll take it!” Becca was trying hard not to squeal.

 

“Awesome! It’s going to be an all star cast. I’m ‘Mark’, Adam Pascal’s going to be ‘Roger’ for the first month, you’re ‘Maureen’ – well, after you talk to Don – and they’re even getting Mya to play ‘Mimi’. Stellar. I’m telling you!”

 

“Whoa. That sounds amazing, Joey,” Becca was grinning from ear to ear.

 

“Anyway, rehearsals start at the end of next week. Think you can get a renter for your house or something?”

 

“Even better. My nanny is about to resign. I’ll just let her stay in the house til I get back,”

 

“Great. Hey, I’m excited. Oh, and you know my daughter Briahna is Dylan’s age. I’ll get you in touch with Kelly about preschool and all of that and of course play dates,”

 

“Joey, this made my day. Literally. Thanks! I’ll let you know when I hear from the director-what’s-his-name,”

 

“Don Stanley. He should be calling as soon as I get off the phone and let him know you’re in,”

 

“Perfect! Thanks again, Joey!”

 

Becca wanted to speed home, she was so excited. Three months in Orlando with a built in friend for Dylan with Briahna Fatone. Not to mention she’d be a little closer in distance to her parents. And it would get her out of L.A. and allow her to clear her head. She needed this for sure.

 

Josh knocked on her door at 6pm sharp to pick up Dylan for a Daddy/Daughter date. It was a weekly date for them and it was going to give Becca a chance to let him know that she and Dylan would be gone for a while. She only hoped he’d be understanding. Josh knew that things in L.A. weren’t so great right now. He had heard from Alyssa (who, unbeknownst to Becca, filled him in on a few things because Becca wouldn’t talk to him), that Nick Carter had all but ignored her back in June when Becca had briefly run into him at a restaurant in L.A. They hadn’t spoken in a long time, but they’d always caught right back up from where they left off. Except this time, Nick regarded her as if she were a nuisance and simply nodded at her after she said hello. Josh felt bad for her. He knew most of her friends had either moved away or weren’t as close with her anymore. He also knew she’d tried to make an effort to get to know other people but L.A. was a tight-knit city and if you were in, you were in, but if not, it might take forever to get in or in Becca’s case, back in.

 

“Daddy!” Dylan opened the door and threw her arms around Josh’s legs.

 

“Hey, you!” Josh picked her up and threw her in the air, her smile widening into a grin. “Where’s your Mommy?”

 

“I’m right here,” Becca replied casually, walking towards the door. She was wearing jeans and an old Polo and had on no make-up. She was just as gorgeous as always.

 

“We’re going to a new restaurant near Northridge. I’ll have her home at 8:30,” Josh told Becca.

 

“Actually, do you have a minute?” Becca asked him. “I wanted to tell you something.”

 

Josh nodded and walked in, shutting the front door behind him. He followed her into the living room and sat down across from her on the loveseat. “What’s up?” he asked, as Dylan dutifully ran to her room. The little girl knew when her parents were having a serious talk, she should disappear. She was all too familiar with how they usually ended.

 

“Um,” Becca cleared her throat and looked at him, giving a weak smile. “So, I got cast in Rent again. Actually, I’m playing opposite Joey. But it’s in Orlando. And I’d really like to take Dylan with me. It’s for three months and I know that’s a lot to ask being a part from her, but….”

 

Josh hadn’t paid attention to anything else. He’d already known what was going to happen. Joey had called him and filled him in that Becca and Dylan were headed to Orlando. The last thing Joey had told him was, “Here’s your chance, JC. Don’t blow it. You could have your entire world back where it should’ve been five years ago.” And Josh had agreed with him, already concocting a little plan of his own. He felt a little evil, but in essence it really wasn’t all that evil. It was clever. And it just might work.

 

“That’s great, Becca!” Josh leaned over and gave her a quick hug. “Actually, why don’t you just stay in my house there? It would save you having to look for a place and you wouldn’t have to pay rent. The only thing is, I might be in and out a few times because I’ve got a few producing gigs I’m doing over there. So if you’d be okay with that, you can move in as soon as you land.”

 

Becca looked at Josh with uncertainty. “Really?”

 

“Seriously. Think about it and let me know,” he stood to his feet and called for Dylan, who skipped out of her room. She was relieved not to hear her parents fighting. They were even smiling at each other.

 

“Thanks, Josh,” Becca followed them to the door. “I’ll think about it and let you know, okay?” she knelt down to kiss Dylan’s cheek. “Be good for your dad, baby. I’ll see you tonight.”

 

Dylan waved and grabbed Josh’s hand, walking with him to his car. She turned once more and blew a kiss to her mother, then began talking a mile a minute to Josh about any and everything. Josh listened as intently as he could, but his mind was stuck on the possibility that Becca would be in his house for three months.

 

Joey’s words echoed again, “…you could have your entire world back where it should’ve been five years ago…”

ONE WEEK LATER

 

Becca was immediately overcome with nostalgia upon entering Josh’s Orlando home. It had been in this house that she and Josh had spent many a night together. They had christened nearly every spot in the house making love or fooling around. There were plenty of times she and Josh hadn’t had the strength to move afterwards and were too engrossed in one another to even make it upstairs. Not much had changed in the house. He was never there any more and Becca had often wondered why he didn’t just sell it. It was smaller than his home in L.A. and definitely not as up to date in its interior.

 

“This is Daddy’s house?” Dylan asked, walking over to the winding staircase. “When does he live here?”

 

“He hasn’t for a long time, baby,” Becca answered, and put her suitcase down at the bottom of the stairs. “You went here once when you were a baby.” The first time she and Josh had spent Christmas together with Dylan, which obviously Dylan wouldn’t remember. She hadn’t even been a year old. The house was sprawling inside and out and was quite open. But with the click of a switch, all of the blinds could come down in an instant and it would be completely dark. Once, Josh had put the blinds down and told Becca that they weren’t going to open them all weekend. It had been the most romantic weekend of her life still to this day. A part of her had craved for something like that with other beaus, but Josh seemed to be the only one who knew exactly what it meant to be really, really romantic.

 

“Mama, can we go swimming?” Dylan ran over to the window overlooking the backyard. It was complete with a waterfall and caves that wove in and out of the pool. Becca remembered a huge cookout that Josh had held right before the 2000 summer tour had kicked off. The party hadn’t ended until almost six a.m. and she and Josh had gone skinny dipping after everyone had left.

 

“Um,” Becca shook herself out of her daydream. “Yes. But let’s wait until we unpack, okay?” As they made their way upstairs with luggage, Becca continued to feel as though she’d been sucked into a time warp. The guest bedroom, where she put her belongings down, felt unfamiliar because five years ago, she’d automatically go straight to his room at the end of the hall. Dylan’s room, which had been used as a storage room, had a brand new twin bed with a purple motif. Purple was Dylan’s favorite color and Josh had spent hours on the phone with a decorator to get his daughter’s room just right.

 

“Where is Daddy’s room?” Dylan asked, following Becca back to the guest bedroom.

 

Becca looked down the other end of the hallway. She couldn’t go in there. If she was already daydreaming about all of the places they’d had sex, going in there would only add to her thoughts. And she was done having anything but a platonic relationship with Josh.

 

“It’s down there,” she pointed. “But we’ll look at it later, babe. Don’t you want to go swimming?”

 

Dylan swam for nearly an hour and a half, then she and Becca ordered in pizza and sat out by the pool for dinner. Dylan was asking a million questions about the house, about meeting Briahna Fatone tomorrow, about when she’d see Alyssa again, and even more questions about when her father would be out to visit. By the time Becca had gotten her ready for bed, she was exhausted just from answering all of her child’s inquiries. She changed into her pajamas and washed her face after kissing Dylan goodnight. It was past ten and she should’ve been wiped out, but for some reason, suddenly felt energized. She hadn’t really explored the house, just sort of wandered about it as she got Dylan ready for swimming and dinner. She walked downstairs again and ventured into the theatre room. Plush couches still aligned the walls and a screen sat dark and dusty. They’d watched Pulp Fiction in here. Or they’d at least started to watch it. Becca blushed and was glad she was here alone with her thoughts. The secrets this house held. Becca had sunken into a reminiscent mode and was stuck back in time. Five years ago seemed like a lifetime ago.

 

She closed the door behind her and wandered back upstairs. It was eerily quiet. Then again, this house was basically a party house back in the day and she’d never been alone in it. She walked towards the guest room to get into bed, but then found herself looking down the hall. His room. That room where so many nights had been spent together. It was almost taunting her, she felt. She slowly walked toward his bedroom. She stood in front of it, touching the door handle as though it might burn right through her skin if she opened it. She let out a sigh and turned the handle, opening the door to his bedroom. Here was their past. It was all in here.

 

Josh’s bedroom took up the entire second half of the house. The walk-in closet was the size of a small bedroom. The bathroom contained a Jacuzzi, steam room, and a shower with two shower heads. The shower heads were adjustable and there were two shower seats. And the king sized bed was bigger than a king size, Becca had always sworn. When she’d spent the night, they’d inevitably end up on opposite sides of the bed because it was so mammoth-sized. She walked over to the bed and sat on the edge. She felt the soft texture of the duvet that covered it and ran her fingers over the material.

 

“This is all we need, baby,” he’d whispered, pulling her against him. “Just me and you. I want you so bad, Becca.”

 

She shivered at his touch. His hands knew exactly where to go. His mouth covered hers and she whimpered at how good he felt.

 

“Josh,” she bit at his ear lobe and felt him shudder.

 

“Let’s just stay like this all night, okay?” his voice was gravelly against her neck. She felt his lips trail down her stomach and soon she was grasping at his hair, feeling as if she’d lose her balance if she let go and she was already lying down.

 

Becca was thinking back to the first night she’d ever been with him. It was  in this bed. She’d flown down for a concert and was staying the weekend. They hadn’t planned it, but they both knew it would happen that weekend, and they’d later admitted it to one another. She remembered everything. Every single detail. Every word that had been spoken between them.

 

Her arms tightened around his neck, he pulled her closer. With every movement, with every breath, Becca was sent into oblivion and ecstasy all at once.

 

“I love you,” he kissed her lips softly. “Becca, I love you so much.”

 

“I love you, too, Josh,” she kissed him back and pulled him tightly against her. He fell lazily onto her chest, breathing heavily and Becca tugged at his hair with her fingers.

 

Becca laid down on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. This was where he’d told her he loved her and this was where they’d first made love. She knew this was why this bedroom had felt forbidden to her because it was like tearing a band-aid off of a wound. She looked over at the nightstand next to what was his side of the bed. A framed picture caught her eye and she sat up and reached over to grab it. There they were. The two of them. It was taken after a concert. She was smiling brightly at the camera, he was looking down at her with a grin. The frame was dusty and Becca wiped a few specks of dust off of the frame to see the picture better. They looked so happy. And so young. And it had only been five years ago.

She stood to her feet and put the frame back next to his side of the bed. Walking into the bathroom, her eyes fixated on the shower and she blushed again for the umpteenth time that night.

“Where are you going?” he asked her, as he watched her get up from bed. 

“It’s almost noon, silly. I want to get a shower if we’re going out today,” she had replied and walked into the bathroom. 

“Well, I need one, too,” she heard his voice suddenly in her ear.

She turned and he was right behind her, a smirk on his face. 

“Oh, yeah?” she teased him, and pulled off her tank top, throwing it on top of his head. 

“Thanks,” he chuckled, taking the tank top and tossing it on the bathroom counter. He followed her over to the shower. She turned again. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” her eyebrow was raised, her lips formed into a smile, and all Josh could do was reach behind her and turn the shower head on. 

“You. In the shower. In about two minutes,”

Becca leaned against the side of the door to the bathroom and looked at the shower as if she expected it to say something back to her. She knew she should walk out now. It was only stirring up memories of the past and making her feel like she would do it all over again if he were in the room.

“Okay, that was a nice little jaunt down memory lane,” she said to herself and quickly walked out, nearly sprinting back to the guest bedroom. She sat down on the bed and felt her cheeks. They were flushed and all of those memories had only made her long for the past that had taken place in this house.

As if on cue, her phone rang, making her jump and get back to reality.

Except when she picked it up and saw it was Josh.

“Hey, I was just calling to make sure everything was okay at the house,” he greeted her. “Did you have a good flight?” 

Becca sat on the bed and tried to gain her composure again. “Hey. Yeah, everything’s fine.”

“Good. How’s Dylan?” he asked.

“She’s fine. She’s asleep in her bed and loves her bedroom,” 

“That’s great. I was hoping she’d like the color,” Josh cleared his throat. “By the way, I’m coming out there in three days. I hope you don’t mind.” 

“Why would I mind? It’s your house,” Becca replied, hoping all of these silly memories she was thinking about wouldn’t surface when she saw him again.

“Well, I know, but you’re there and I just, I want you to feel like you’re at home. You know what I mean?”

Becca couldn’t help but snicker, “It basically was my home for the first few months we dated,”

Josh was silent for a few seconds. He was sitting on his couch, thinking about the fact that Becca was all alone in his house. And regretting very much that he hadn’t planned on being there when she got in. Not that anything would’ve happened. At least he knew that Becca wouldn’t have let it. 

“I guess you saw it hasn’t changed very much?” Josh finally said.

“No,” Becca slightly chuckled. “No, it hasn’t. I took a little tour. Just to familiarize myself with it again.”

“And?” 

And all I could think about was how often we had sex in this place, Becca thought. “Oh, well, it definitely brought back some memories.” 

“Good or bad?”

All good. All. Good. Becca cleared her throat again, “Well, good, of course. We had a lot of fun back then.” She wished she hadn’t said that. He could’ve taken “fun’ to mean a myriad of things.

Josh was smiling on the other end. “Yeah. We did for sure,”

They were both silent.

“We were so young, Josh,” she finally stated.

“Not that young. We were twenty-two and twenty-five,”

“That’s young,”

“Yeah. You’re right. But it wasn’t as though we were teenagers,”

“Yeah, true,”

Silence. 

“What are you thinking?” Becca dared herself to ask him. 

Josh hesitated. But she asked. “You don’t want to know,” he said softly.

“Why not?” 

“Because, I don’t know if you’d like it,”

“Try me,” Becca pulled back the covers and nestled beneath them. 

“I was thinking about you. In my bed,” his voice became that gravelly, sexy voice she knew all too well.

She said nothing, only waited for him to continue.

“And in the shower,”

Becca stiffened. He was reading her mind. Or else he knew her better than she remembered and probably knew she had gone into his bedroom.

“And in my pool,”

Becca gulped. She shouldn’t have asked what he was thinking. She should’ve just told him about how excited Dylan was about meeting Briahna. She felt as though she couldn’t speak.

“Yeah,” she finally said. “Yeah, I know. I feel like that’s all we did here.”

Josh chuckled softly on the other end of the phone. “It’s cause we were so good at it,” 

“Mmhm," 

Silence again. Becca knew she should hang up. She had an early rehearsal the next morning.

“Becca, can I tell you something?”

She was a bit stunned. Normally, this far into a conversation, they were arguing about something.

“Um, yeah. Sure,”

“You’re the best I’ve ever had,”

Becca felt her mouth go dry and her face turn red. Maybe he was drunk. Maybe he was letting alcohol do all the talking for him. He’d been with Eva Longoria for crying out loud. Becca had seen her numerous times and felt extremely insecure thinking about the fact that she’d been with Josh and so had Eva and that Eva was probably worlds better at everything.

“Really? Well, wow, I’m flattered,” she felt dumb for responding that way, but what else could she say to that?

“I mean it,”

“I believe you. Although you’ve been with some gorgeous women since me,”

“That doesn’t mean much. Trust me,” Josh assured her.

Becca remembered many late night conversations with him like this in years past. She remembered calling Janelle immediately the first time they’d ever had phone sex and telling her how awesome and sexy and weird and unbelievable it had felt. A part of her wondered if she and Josh would end up doing that tonight. They were both talking almost in code with each other. And she kind of wanted to. She didn’t know why, other than the fact that she was stuck in 2000 in this house and suddenly felt as though she were 22 again. Just last week she’d been livid with him. But then again, that was the norm in their relationship. 

She licked her lips as they’d become just as dry as her mouth. “Josh,” she nearly whispered.

“What?” he already knew where this whole conversation had been headed.

“Remember when, I mean, remember back when we first started dating. And we’d be miles apart from one another?”

“Mmhm,”

Silence again.

“Becca?”

“What?”

“For old time’s sake? Is that what you’re getting at?”

“Is this crazy? We’re not even together,”

Yet, he said to himself. Surely after this, she’d have to see it differently. Right? He knew Becca and he knew she didn’t normally ever act like this except with him because he could bring it out in her.

“We have a history, Becca. I think it’s okay,”

She was quiet. 

“But we don’t have to if you don’t want to. You just were mentioning it in a round about way and so I just thought….” He trailed off waiting for her to finish his sentence but she didn’t. She was quiet again. “I was honestly just calling to see if you’d made it to the house okay.” 

“I know," 

“I wasn’t calling to-“

“I know,”

“Okay. Well, do you want me to let you go?”

“No,”

“What do you want?”

Becca curled under the sheets. She told him exactly, in explicit terms what she wanted. It was dangerous and she knew it. She wasn’t with him and she knew the next time she saw him, it would be awkward. More awkward than it had been in a long time.

But right now she didn’t care.

 

“Becca,” Josh spoke softly after they were finished. His voice was soft in her ear, as if he were right next to her.

“Huh?” she was in somewhat of an afterglow if she admitted it to herself.

“Let’s do that for real when I get there. In my bed. Like we used to,”

Becca slowly sat up and sighed into the phone. She hadn’t meant for it to sound as exasperated as it came across, but Josh caught on.

“What?” the soft undertone was gone now.

“Josh, I don’t want to ruin anything else. Phone sex is one thing, but you know that every time we’ve casually done it, we end up at each other’s throats. I can’t do that to our daughter. She’s already started asking me why we don’t have a house together like her friends’ parents’ do. And I know she thinks we hate each other because she asked me last week if we even loved each other,”

“Do we?” Josh asked.

“I love you as the father of my child. But romantically, I can’t go down that path anymore,”

“What was that five minutes ago?”

“That was phone sex. Nothing but words, Josh,”

“Nothing but words. That’s nice, Becca. Gee, you sure know how to ruin a moment,”

“What moment? We were finished. It was five minutes for crying out loud!”

“Never mind,” Josh huffed. “Geez, I wish you weren’t so damn stubborn. I wish you could take a chance one more time and see-“

“No!” Becca sat up straight in bed. “Josh, you said you weren’t going to pursue me anymore. You told me that in London. Don’t start that shit with me again. We’re not getting back together. What we did tonight was dumb and it shouldn’t have happened because we can’t even get through talking about it before we’re arguing!”

There was silence on the other end. Becca rubbed her temple and shook her head before she spoke again. “Josh, we’ll always love each other, okay? We’re always going to be that couple that probably should’ve made it, but couldn’t. I’m tired of always fighting with you. I want us to be friends, but I can’t do anymore than that right now or ever, I don’t think,” 

“Can I ask you something?” his tone was soft, his voice genuine.

“Of course,”

“Why do you think our relationships always end in disaster? Why can’t we seem to stay with one person for more than six months?”

“I-I don’t know,”

“I don’t know, either,” he answered, quietly. “I think it’s something to think about.”

“Maybe we’re just not ready to be in a relationship with anybody,” Becca said. “Maybe we both need a break from dating. I don’t know. That’s the best answer I can give.”

“Becca?”

“What?”

“Even if we argued, it was fun tonight, right?”

She was glad he couldn’t see her blushing. “Yeah,” she answered. “But don’t get any ideas. That was a one time deal.”

Josh murmured an agreement, but he knew, when it came to Becca, nothing was ever just one time with them. And he was hoping to prove that theory in three days.

 

THREE DAYS LATER

 

Kelly Fatone prided herself on the fact that she knew her husband better than anyone else on earth. She’d stuck it out with him when he was unfaithful and her friends told her to get rid of him. But Kelly knew, she just knew, that Joey was the one. And she’d been right. She also prided herself that she knew Joey’s former bandmates almost as well. They’d been around long enough that some of them had become like brothers. Josh Chasez was one of those. And she knew exactly what he would be up to coming back to Orlando for these next few days. He was going to to do anything in his power to win Becca back. She knew this only because she’d seen it from the beginning and he and Becca were meant for one another.

But she was also quite aware of Becca’s stubbornness, of her passive aggressiveness, of her independence. Kelly liked Becca and out of all the girls Josh had ever had around or dated, she preferred Becca over all of them. Becca was real and wasn’t with Josh because of who he was or represented. And even as famous as she was, Becca never used it to get her anywhere. Kelly had once overheard Josh talking to her on the phone and she heard him saying, “Just tell them it’s you. You’ll get a table wherever you want it,” and a few minutes later he’d laughed and told her, “You’re way too nice, baby.” When she’d asked Josh what had happened, he’d shaken his head and replied, “Becca’s in Vegas this weekend with a friend and wants to go eat at a restaurant in the Bellagio but they’re sold out. And she won’t tell them it’s for her because she feels bad for other people who can’t get in.” When Becca’s mind was made up, it was made up. Kelly assumed it was the same for relationships as well. 

Kelly had seen their relationship from the beginning and kept tabs on it through Joey. Joey would often say that he didn’t understand what was wrong with either of them. Why Josh would do something dumb, then watch Becca so the same thing and then they’d argue over it. Joey had known that through the years Josh and Becca had occasionally slept together and every time it happened, there would inevitably be a huge fight that almost always put Dylan in the middle. This was why, Kelly imagined, that they didn’t work. They were both stubborn and wanted things to be their way, whether the other thought so or not.

“Have Josh and Becca ever lived together?” Kelly asked Joey, as she prepared Briahna’s dinner that evening.

Joey thought about it for a second. “No,” he shook his head. “They’ve spent weekends together. That’s about it.”

“Huh,” Kelly just nodded and went back to Briahna’s grilled cheese.

“Why?” Joey plucked a grape from the fruit bowl on the kitchen counter and bit into it. He spit the seed into the sink and Kelly frowned at him.

“How hard is it for you to have just put that in the trash can?” she rolled her eyes at him.

“How hard is it for you to run the disposal and let it go down with the other crap?” Joey was teasing her and Kelly had to chuckle at him.

“Anyway,” Kelly flipped the sandwich on the griddle. “I asked that question about Josh and Becca because maybe they just need time to be in the same house longer than a weekend. And I already know he’s going to try and sleep with her this weekend and I’m dreading the outcome. I just think if they were alone, together for even two weeks, Becca might see something different.”

Joey shrugged, “I don’t know, honey. They live in the same city,” 

“That’s not the same,” Kelly reminded him. “That’s not in each other’s everyday lives.”

“Well, good luck trying to make that happen,” Joey said, and went over to the refrigerator to get out a beer.

“What if you suggested something? Like a two week vacation. That they both go on,” Kelly turned the griddle down, flipping the sandwich one more time. 

“Josh would be up for that. He’s so in love with Becca it’s sickening. And she’s just as in love, but she’s scared to death of being hurt and Dylan being hurt in the process. I don’t know how he’d ever convince her,” Joey sat down at the bar and took a swig of beer.

“Maybe you could,” Kelly raised an eyebrow at her husband. “You could say something. At least get her to open up about it.”

Joey raised his hands in surrender, “Hell, no. I’m not touching that situation with a ten -foot pole. Not on your life, babe. Sorry.” 

Kelly sighed, “You’re probably right,” she paused. Then, “You could just mention it to Josh. Then see what happens.” 

“You sure are persistent,” Joey chuckled.

“I just think sometimes people need a little push if they want to see something happen. That’s all,” Kelly called Briahna downstairs for dinner and the conversation was finished.

 

 

“Hello?” Josh called, as he walked into his house. It was late afternoon and he’d landed in Orlando almost an hour ago. Traffic had been surprisingly quick and painless, which was almost unheard of there anymore. “Bec? Dylan? Are you guys home?”

He heard a splash coming from the pool outside. Setting his luggage down, he walked over to the sliding glass French doors that overlooked the backyard. He saw Becca in the pool, her arms enveloping Dylan, who, it looked like, had just jumped into her mother’s arms. When he opened the door, Dylan nearly flew out of Becca’s embrace and paddled as fast as she could to the side of the pool. 

“Daddy! You’re here!” she squealed. Josh knelt down and picked her up out of the water, not caring if he got soaked or not. 

“I’m here,” he kissed her wet cheek and hugged her tight against him. He looked down at Becca in the water and she smiled at him, then looked away. “Have you guys eaten yet?”

“No,” Dylan answered, as Josh put her back on the pavement. “Can we have In-N-Out?” 

Josh laughed softly, “Sorry, cute girl, they don’t have that here in Florida. Maybe I’ll grill some hamburgers for us.” He glanced down at Becca. “Is that okay?” 

She shrugged and nodded, “Yeah, if you want to. You’ve been on a plane all day. Are you sure? We can order in Chinese or something.”

“I don’t mind,” Josh said. He was secretly thinking how perfect it was, him cooking dinner for his family. And no matter what Becca thought or told him, they were a family. Dysfunctional, yes. But a family nonetheless. 

He went back into the house, but not before he caught a glimpse of Becca drying off and immediately wanted to continue what they’d started a few nights ago. He watched her as she wrapped a towel around her waist, then bent over to casually throw her hair back into a loose ponytail. She sat down on one of the lawn chairs and began to dry off Dylan, then pulled her into a hug and tickled her. Josh could hear his daughter’s giggles from inside the house, but still didn’t take his eyes off of Becca.

He looked in the freezer and found two wrapped steaks, one hamburger, and something that might have been fish at one time in its life. The steaks he’d bought the last time he was in town, three months ago, so he knew they were still good, as was the hamburger. The fish promptly went into the trash. He walked outside and over to the grill next to the pool. Dylan was playing with sidewalk chalk next to the grass and Becca stood to see if Josh needed any help.

“Do you have everything out here?” she asked, sauntering over to him. “I can go inside and bring out whatever you missed.”

Josh couldn’t look at her. She was in a bikini and a towel wrapped around her for goodness sake. He’d seen her in much, much less and the way he’d been feeling lately, he knew he couldn’t concentrate on grilling and having her standing right next to him. He slowly brought his eyes up to her face, daring himself to look anywhere else. 

“I-I think I got everything,” he felt as though he were thirteen and getting caught watching a dirty movie. 

“Are you okay?” Becca eyed him with a puzzled look on her face.

“Yeah,” he nodded, and turned away to heat up the grill. 

They ate outside by the pool as the sun slipped behind the horizon on the lake. Josh and Becca were both quiet with each other and focused on Dylan and asking her about playing with Briahna. She and Briahna had become fast friends and later next week, Kelly and Joey’s mother were taking them to Disney World while Joey and Becca rehearsed for opening night, which was a week from Monday.

“More wine?” Becca asked Josh, holding the bottle in her hand after she had poured herself some.

“Sure,” Josh held his glass to the bottle and she filled it up.

“Can I have some wine?” Dylan asked.

“When you’re older, babe. You won’t like it,” Becca assured her. She looked at her watch, then at Dylan. “It’s almost nine, honey. Past your bedtime.”

“Can you and Daddy tuck me in tonight?” Dylan looked at both of her parents. “Pleeeease?” 

Josh looked over at Becca and they both smirked at each other. “Sure,” Josh said, standing from the table as Becca collected the plates. This was turning out better than he expected. He put the plates in the dishwasher and looked outside to see the moon shining over the pool and beyond that, the lake. Maybe he’d see if she’d be up for a conversation outside after they put Dylan to bed.

“Josh? Are you coming? Dylan’s waiting on you to read a story,” Becca called from the top of the staircase. He shook himself out of his daydream and started the dishwasher before he headed upstairs.

“…and Goldilocks ran all the way home. She never saw the bears again. The End,” Josh closed the book and handed it to Becca who placed it on Dylan’s nightstand.

“But why didn’t Goldilocks go back and tell them she was sorry?” Dylan asked before Josh or Becca had a chance to kiss her goodnight.

“Because they might’ve eaten her,” Josh said, then saw the look of shock on Becca’s face. “Um, no, I’m kidding. Because her mommy and daddy didn’t want her to go back again. And Goldilocks promised she’d always listen to her mommy and daddy.”

“But what if she told them she was going to go and do something good for the bears,” Dylan continued.

“She did,” Becca spoke up. “But the bears called her parents and told them it was fine and she didn’t have to come all the way out to their house again.”

“Did Goldilocks know they called her parents?” It was the same routine, no matter what book was read to Dylan. The child had questions about everything. She was much too logical for a four-year-old sometimes.

“Yep,” Josh answered, deciding this would be her last question for the night. “And she was fine with that answer. Now, it is way past your bedtime. So, goodnight, baby girl.” He reached over and pecked her cheek, as did Becca.

“Sleep tight, sweetheart,” Becca said, as both she and Josh left Dylan’s room and shut the door behind them. She looked at Josh and shook her head, laughing softly at him, “They would eat her? She already has nightmares. That’s all we need is for her to have one about the Three Bears for god’s sake.” 

Josh chuckled, “Hey, I was put on the spot.”

There was an awkward silence between them for a second and Becca finally broke it. “Ok. Goodnight,” she began to awkwardly walk away, but Josh called after her.

“Goodnight? It’s not even 9:30,” he told her, walking towards her.

“Early call,” she smiled at him apologetically. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” And with that, she left him standing in the hallway staring after her. 

He watched her walk back to the guestroom and sighed to himself as he walked in the opposite direction to his. He changed into a pair of comfortable boxers, brushed his teeth, and switched on the television. He hopped onto his bed and tried to concentrate on a random courtroom drama that was playing. He couldn’t think about anything but Becca and how he wished he’d stopped her from going to bed. There were a million things they could’ve done in that house from swimming again to watching a movie. But Josh only wanted to do one thing with her and he knew right now that could be too soon to even start trying. She’d made it clear she didn’t like his pursuit and even though they’d been fairly hot and heavy with one another on the phone, Becca had been even more clear that that was nothing but a conversation. And she hadn’t even mentioned it at  all since then.

Becca was lying on her bed pretending to go over her script. It was impossible. Her thoughts stayed on Josh. The way he had stared at her tonight was quite obvious, even if he didn’t know it. She thought back to that phone call a few nights back and still turned red at the things she’d said to him. And the things he’d said to her. It was hot and even a bit romantic. She put the script down next to her and turned off the lamp by her bedside. Closing her eyes, she clutched her pillow and tried her best to fall asleep. It was useless. Josh was fresh on her mind. And he was just down the hall. 

She began to get frustrated with herself. Why did he keep having this hold on her? She pushed the covers off of her. Why did she want him so much right now? She stood and went over to the mirror and looked at her reflection. She had to at least go and talk to him. There was no way she was sleeping right now. Her brain wasn’t going to shut off those images of what she was thinking the other night on the phone when Josh told her all the situations he’d like to be in with her. She slowly opened her door and looked down at the other end of the hall. The light was off and as she tiptoed past Dylan’s bedroom, she double- checked to make sure her daughter was asleep. 

Josh heard the knock on his door and put the television on mute. “Come in,” he called, thinking it might be Dylan. She’d probably want water or to ask yet another question about Goldilocks and the Three Bears. He was surprised to see Becca standing there on the other end. Her hair was down around her shoulders. She was wearing a pink camisole pajama top with matching boxer bottoms.

“Hey. Is everything okay?” he asked her, as he stood to his feet.

Becca looked at him and touched his cheek with her hand, gently rubbing the stubble that was left from his shave that morning. “I can’t stop thinking about you,” she pressed into him and felt his arm wrap around her waist. “I don’t want to go down that road but-“ 

Soon his lips were on hers and she was kissing him back with such passion and fervor that he hadn’t felt from a woman in a long, long time. Backing up against the bed, he crawled on top of her and as if on cue, her legs fell a part. She looked up at him and he bent down to kiss her with just as much fervor as he’d given her a few minutes back.

“Are you sure,” his voice was hot in her ear, making her shiver beneath him.

“I want this. I want you, Josh,” she nipped at his neck and he groaned with pleasure.

He didn’t want to think about the fact that tomorrow there would inevitably be a fight about something. He didn’t want to think about the fact that he was only here with her yet again for a short amount of time. All he wanted to do was please her and make love to her and not worry about what might happen. They’d suffer the consequences together.

His name rolled off her lips so easily over and over again. Their breathing was erratic and beads of sweat were forming on every inch of their intertwined bodies. Becca held on to him and let him rock within her, making her want even more. It was almost more than either of them had ever handled with one another. This time, they’d waited three years before having sex with each other and it was as if they’d been a part their entire lives. 

“I miss you,” he told her, watching her beneath him. “Becca, it’s always gonna be you.” She said nothing, only held tighter to him until he felt her let go. She gasped for breath and closed her eyes, feeling his sweaty head buried in the nape of her neck. Neither of them spoke, just lay there holding onto each other. Finally, Josh pulled himself up and looked down at her. She was looking back at him and reached up to kiss his lips.

“Josh,” she whispered, as he kissed her lips and then her jawline. “It’s always gonna be you, too.” 

He rolled off of her and she laid on her side, gazing at him next to her. “What do we do then?” he had to ask, even if it caused an argument.

“I-I don’t know,” she intertwined her hand with his and looked at his fingers wrapped around hers. She brought his hand to her lips and kissed it softly. “I just know that this was amazing tonight.”

“It’s always amazing with us,” he reached for her and pulled her to him. He felt her start to giggle against his chest. “What?”

“Not always,” she looked up at him and he looked back at her quizzically. “Remember, that time you were so ready to get it on with me and then Chris barged in and you couldn’t get it back up afterwards. That was not amazing.”

Josh had to laugh. They’d attempted sex once on the back of the tour bus when they thought everyone was asleep. Chris walked in and saw them nearly naked and it had ruined the mood for both of them. “Yeah, well, that was once. Every other time, though.”

Becca nodded and lazily began to place kisses on his chest. He didn’t want to say anything else What was it that kept them a part from one another? Instead of talking, he cupped her face in one hand and kissed her again, causing her to pull him on top of her once more.

Three times. Becca couldn’t believe it. She hadn’t had sex three times in one night in a long time. Maybe not since she’d last been with Josh.  She was still flushed as she got into the rental car that morning and drove to the auditorium for rehearsal. She almost didn’t want to leave him that morning. He had woken up just as she was getting out of bed to get dressed. He’d tried to coax her back in bed with him, but she had to turn him away or else she knew she’d never leave. Her head was cloudy. Her heart thumped against her chest. When she thought about him, she couldn’t help but smile to herself. He had told her so many times throughout their lovemaking that she was it, she was the one, that it would always be her. Their bodies intertwined so easily together and Josh knew exactly what to do to make her go crazy. It was all she could think about. And she knew she wanted more. Maybe it was time. Maybe she was ready to give it another chance.

 

Maybe.

 

When she pulled into the parking lot, she heard a shrill “ding” from her cell phone. She pulled it out and saw that Josh had sent her a text message.

 

You were incredible.

 

Becca smiled and quickly responded after she had parked.

 

So were you. And three times. We’re impressive ;)

 

She got out of the car and began the trek to the backstage door. She saw Joey a few steps ahead of her and he turned around after she called his name. As soon as he turned around, her phone beeped again.

 

It’s easy when you say my name like you do. Sexy. So sexy. I want you so bad right now.

 

“Hey, Becca!” Joey waved at her and waited until she joined him before he started walking towards the building again. “So, I heard Josh flew in last night. Is everything going okay? No fighting yet or anything?” Joey was partly teasing, but in all actuality, he was interested to know if they’d managed to be civilized.

 

Little did he know.

 

Becca felt instantly turned on by Josh’s message and suddenly all she wanted to do was run back home and do it all over again. She gathered herself together as best she could and smiled at Joey, “Yeah, he did. Everything’s fine. We’re really getting along.”

 

Josh texted her again, before she had a chance to respond.

 

 What are you wearing?

 

Becca had to laugh out loud at that. Was he serious? She then remembered their phone conversation and wondered if he was going to be texting her dirty messages all day long during rehearsal. If that were the case, by the time she came home, she knew she’d hardly be able to stand it.

 

Jeans, an orange cardigan, and beige flats. So not that sexy.

 

Joey eyed her and saw that she kept turning red in the face. “Whatcha got there, Becca?” he pointed to her phone and raised an eyebrow.

 

“Huh?” Becca looked up after sending her last text. “This? Oh, um, I was just texting Josh about what time Kelly would be there to get Dylan,” she cleared her throat, then nearly tripped over herself when she saw the next text that came in.

 

Not in my head you’re not. If you were here with me, you’d be in nothing but my sheets and me on top of you.

 

She let out a breath and tried to continue talking to Joey as though she weren’t in the middle of what was turning into being a very hot conversation with Josh. She knew she probably should quit for right now, especially because there were still some things she wanted to talk to him about when they got home. Though, judging from this conversation, she wouldn’t be able to talk to him about anything because as soon as she walked in the door, Becca knew that all she’d want to do was go back upstairs to his bedroom and lock the door.

 

Still she couldn’t resist.

 

I want that, too.

 

I’ll be careful. I won’t rip the cardigan off of you. I’ll just be sure to get every button undone before I throw you on the bed.

 

What about my jeans?

 

Might not be as careful with them. They’ve got what I want underneath.

 

“Becca?”

 

“Huh? What?” Becca looked up at Joey who was standing next to her dressing room. She hadn’t even remembered walking inside and knew she had to put her phone away.

 

“Um, just who are you really texting? Your face is all flushed and you’re sweating,” Joey smirked at her, then covered his mouth with his hand. “Wait a minute, are you and Josh still talking? Are you being dirty?” Becca tried to say something but her voice was caught in her throat. “Wow. Way to be, Becca. I didn’t think you had it in you!”

 

She sighed and rolled her eyes, knowing she was defeated and couldn’t think of anything to tell Joey otherwise. “We’re getting along now. Let’s just say better than we have in a long time,” she walked ahead of him into her dressing room, Joey fast on her heels.

 

“What does that mean?” he took a seat in one of her make-up chairs and began swiveling it back and forth, just to be even more obnoxious with her.

 

“It means-“ Becca sighed again and looked down at her phone, seeing another text come in.

 

I want to be inside of you so bad right now.

 

She bit her lip and tried to hide her smirk, then went back to Joey’s question. “It means that we’re starting over. I think. Or at least we did last night.” Becca paused, “Three times.” She had to tell someone. Joey seemed to be a fan of them getting back together, so blurting it out like she had probably would make his day even better.

 

“Three times?! Damn, Becca! How are you still standing?” Joey chuckled.

 

“I honestly don’t know. I also don’t know how the hell I’m going to concentrate today,” she told him, going back to her messages and responding to Josh.

 

That would feel so good, baby.

 

“Turning your phone off might help,” Joey motioned toward her cell phone, which looked like a permanent fixture in her hand. She was holding onto it so tight that her knuckles were turning white.

 

I love watching you when you come.

 

Becca actually gasped at that text and felt her insides go numb. Joey was probably right. Turning her phone off was going to be key if she was ever going to get through today. But how was she going to end this? It was like stopping in the middle of sex right before the climaxes hit and she knew good and well that Josh was enjoying himself very much.

 

“I will,” she cleared her throat and put her phone down, then looked at Joey. “I have to talk to him tonight. I need to know what this is all gonna be about.”

 

“You can’t judge that, you know,” Joey told her, still swiveling in the chair but at a slower pace. “No one knows what a relationship will end like. But it’s a chance you have to take.” Joey knew he’d told Kelly he wouldn’t get involved but now he felt like he had to say something. “Becca, you know what I think? I think you and Josh haven’t worked because you’ve never been in the same place for more than a week. And now, here you are, living in his house no less, and I bet if you asked him, he’d stay as long as you were doing the show. I just think that’s the only way you’re gonna know.”

 

Becca was silent. Her phone beeped again. She looked down at it and saw Josh’s next message.

 

Tell me what you want me to do to you. I’ll do anything, baby. I just want you so bad.

 

“Hang on,” she told Joey, then quickly responded again.

 

I don’t want to leave you hanging b/c I’m really enjoying this. But I have to get on stage soon. Let’s talk when I get home, okay? xoxo ;)

 

She looked at Joey, “He just was so jealous with me back then. And when I got pregnant he got so possessive and all we did was fight right after Dylan was born. It just scares me, Joey. I don’t want our daughter to be more confused than she is.”

 

“Josh had a lot of growing up to do. He was cheated on by all of his girlfriends before he found you. And Dylan’s four. When she’s old enough, you’ll be able to explain to her,” Joey stood and went over to give Becca a hug. “I’m going to call Kelly and tell her to keep Dylan for the night. Sounds like you and Josh have some major catching up to do.” He turned and left her in her dressing room, then pulled out his cell phone and began to type to Josh.

 

Talked to Becca. We’re keeping Dylan tonight. Dude, you better do something romantic and fun. You’re right on the verge of getting her back!

 

Josh got Joey’s text right after he’d read Becca’s. To Becca’s he said:

 

We’ll definitely talk. See you later, sexy.

 

And to Joey’s he responded:

 

Thanks for the heads up. And thanks for taking Dylan. Hope it will all work out.

 

And then he set himself on a huge task of getting things ready. He showered and shaved, dressed, and drove to a gourmet grocery store near his neighborhood. He bought two dozen roses, fresh pasta, all the ingredients for homemade Alfredo sauce, three bottles of the most expensive Chardonnay he could find, and a fresh baguette of bread. When he got home, he put one set of roses in a vase on the table in the kitchen and then went upstairs and made the bed, before he carefully plucked petals off of the other dozen and spread them all over the bed and the floor.

 

He made sure the house was exceptionally spotless, then went into his office and dug through old cds, finding a few random ones with songs he knew Becca had always liked along with Bryan McKnight’s Back at One, the one album they would always play when they were together. He dug through filing cabinets until he found the one picture that was his favorite, other than the one still framed by his bed. This one was the first picture they’d ever taken together. It was the second time they’d ever seen each other and Becca had flown to Chicago to see the band perform and spend the weekend with her new boyfriend. They’d gone on a riverboat cruise on his day off and a random person had snapped it of them. Josh had his arm around her shoulder and Becca was hugging his waist. His head was tilted on top of hers and they were both smiling big. He liked it because it was when he realized that Becca Sebastian was like no other woman he’d ever dated.

 

“So, do you always take your dates on riverboat cruises in Chicago?” she teased him, as they boarded the boat

 

“No. Do you always fly hundreds of miles to go on a date?” he teased her back, and took her hand, linking it through his own.

 

“Not unless I really like them,” Becca looked up at him and gave him a flirtatious grin, then pulled his arm towards the stairs. “Let’s go up top.” He followed her up the small flight of stairs and was surprised to see all of the seats empty, except for one or two.

 

They sat down on the end of the last row and Josh put his arm around her shoulder. The boat began to pull out of the dock and Becca leaned into him, neither of them paying attention to the tour guide, who had started his spiel on “Historic Chicago.” Josh couldn’t help but breathe in her scent. It was fresh and clean and sexy all at once. He pulled her closer to him and she looked up at him and smiled. And then, he couldn’t help it. He leaned down and gently kissed her lips, then pulled away, a little embarrassed.

 

“Why’d you stop?” Becca touched his face with her thumb, running it across his jawline.

 

“I didn’t know if you kissed on the first date,” he answered her, moving a strand of hair away from her face, then leaning down again. “But if you don’t want me to stop…”

 

“I definitely don’t want you to stop,” she whispered, and kissed him back. “And this is our second date, technically. I counted the Four Seasons as our first.”

“True,” he mumbled, sliding his tongue into her mouth and suddenly wishing they weren’t on a boat. “I like kissing you.”

 

“Then shut up and stop talking about it,” Becca was teasing him and he knew it, which made them both start laughing.

 

Josh shook himself out of his daydream of the past. He stood to his feet, picture in hand, and went downstairs to place it next to the roses. He hoped this talk would go well. It had to. Last night had been over the top. Becca was the only one who could ever do what she’d done to him. And that morning with the text messages….well, he’d felt it all over again. He’d saved them and read them off and on all day, hoping that when she walked in the door he wouldn’t grab her and head for the bedroom. He knew they had to talk. It needed to be done. There was no sense in blurring the line even more than it already was.

 

At five-thirty, Josh double-checked everything. Music was playing in the background in and outside, candles were lit around the pool, the lights were dimmed and dinner was warming in the oven. She’d be home any minute and he couldn’t wait to see her face when she walked in the door.

 

Becca was nervous. She was nervous because she knew when she got back to Josh’s house, all she’d want to do was grab him and let him have his way with her. All day she had tried desperately to stay in character, but all she could think about was the text messages and the fact that they had that house all to themselves. And of course the dreaded talk that had to come first. It had to. They needed to define what this was. Because if it was nothing more than a little fling, Becca knew she didn’t want to stay in it. She wanted it to be a long time, if not forever. And the way he had loved her last night was almost more than she’d ever felt from him. He was the best. In every possible sense of the word.

 

She opened the door and there he was, standing next to the staircase. He wore blue shorts that hit his knees and a white undershirt. He smiled softly at her as she turned and locked the door. Her heart was racing. He was there. Josh was right in front of her. The man she’d thought of all day and nothing else. She walked towards him and suddenly didn’t care anymore about anything else.

 

“Take me upstairs,” she whispered to him, and Josh picked her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist.

 

“Do you want dinner?” he asked between kisses.

 

“I want you,” she breathed huskily in his ear. “You’re all I thought about all day. I could barely concentrate on anything else.”

 

“Good,” he opened the door to his bedroom and walked her to his bed, pouncing on top of her as they landed. He slowly and deliberately discarded her top, one button at a time. She propped on her elbows as he took her bra off and leaned back as he went for her jeans next. She watched him eyeing her panties and she shook her hair off of her shoulders and sucked in her breath and he went for them next.

 

“Josh,” she moaned, feeling his lips on her stomach.

 

“I haven’t even gotten there yet,” he chuckled, sucking on her skin.

 

“I know but I’ve been waiting for this all day, baby,” she said, as his hands caressed her legs, then her thighs.

 

He loved hearing her moan. It turned him on even more than he already was. He felt her writhe beneath him and looked up at her face to watch her enjoying it all. She grabbed at his hair and groaned in ecstasy. He was all she wanted. This was all she wanted. And they’d only just begun.

 

“Josh. Josh, don’t stop,” she could barely get his name out because of the intensity of it all. He watched her as her hands grasped for the sheets, clutching them for dear life until her body stopped shaking. He crawled slowly back up to her.

 

“Was that okay?” he grabbed her hands and held them above her head. “Because it’s about to get even better.”

 

Becca didn’t think anything could be any better than what had happened the night before. But sure enough, Josh surprised her. He started off slow, calculating each movement inside of her so it felt. Then he began to gain momentum and soon Becca was forced to call out for him again. She watched his face as he moved above her and he was so intense when he finished that he had to grab the headboard above him.

Becca lay there in a high not able to move. She felt herself still twitching and Josh had collapsed next to her, his breathing fitful and uneven as though he’d just run a marathon and couldn’t catch his breath. She reached over and played with a curl that was sticking out on top of his head. He always sweated when they made love and now had been no exception. He found the strength to move next to her and neither of them said anything for a while.

 

“Becca,” Josh finally spoke.

 

“Hm,” her eyes were closed and she was running her hand lazily through his hair.

“Becca, I love you. I never stopped,” he told her. “And I don’t’ want to be a part from you anymore.”

 

She opened her eyes and shifted to her side to face him. “Stay with me. Stay with me and Dylan in your house until the show is over. Then we’ll know.” How she found the practicality to state that, she’d never know.

 

“I was already going to tell you I wasn’t leaving,” Josh pulled her to him and Becca closed her eyes again, reveling once more in what had just happened.

 

Later on, after they’d enjoyed dinner together and a few more walks down memory lane with other pictures Josh had around the house, they went outside and sat down by the pool. Becca couldn’t remember a more perfect night with him. She looked over at him and he smiled, then started laughing at her when she stood and took off her clothes, throwing them to the side and jumping in the pool.

 

“Remember when we skinny dipped in here?” she reminded him. “Come in here with me!”

Josh stripped as quickly as he could and followed suit. He went to grab Becca but she ducked under water and swam away. She popped up again and looked behind her at the cave that led to all those little coves. Then she turned back to Josh and raised both eyebrows in a flirty manner. Josh went after her and she swam from him again, until he finally caught up with her and drew her once more into his arms.

 

“Josh,” Becca said between kisses. “I just need to know something.”

 

“What?” he pushed her hair out of the way and began to taste the skin on her neck.

 

She pulled away and looked at him. “You’re not, I mean, you’re not jealous like you were, right? I mean, if I were to have friends who were males, you wouldn’t react like you did with Nick, right?”

Josh rolled his eyes. “No, because those guys probably wouldn’t be all over you like he was,”

 

“He was never all over me, Josh,” Becca had to laugh at him.

 

“Well, whatever. No, I won’t be jealous. Is that what’s kept you away from me for the last five years?” he kissed her lips and then parted them with his tongue.

 

“No,” Becca answered but she wasn’t sure if that was it or not. “We just seem to always fight.”

 

“We won’t fight anymore,” Josh gently touched her breast and Becca shivered against him.

 

“We’ll fight. That’s what we do best,” she was being backed into the cave wall, Josh was hardly paying attention to what she was saying.

 

He sighed and looked at her, “Becca, I’m trying to seduce you and you’re ruining it. And I think you know that after last night and today, fighting is certainly not what we do best.”

 

Becca was getting frustrated. They needed to have this talk and while all the sex was nice and him pleasing her like he was about to do right now was making her crazy, she wanted to talk everything out now.

 

“Josh, we need to talk about this. If we’re getting back together, then we need to figure out why the hell we always end up fighting!” she was exasperated all of the sudden and Josh looked at her in surprise. “I just need to know we’re not making a huge mistake. I don’t want Dylan to get hurt. I would die if she got hurt because of us!”

 

“Becca, you know this is a risk. But it’s a risk I want to take. I have to take it because you and Dylan mean more to me than anything else in the world. I’m not going to be a jerk this time and we’ve both grown up. But you’ve got to take a chance on this or else we’ll never find out,” he went over to her again and she looked at him, not knowing what to think at first.

 

“Okay,” she finally said. “Okay, then we’re going to do this. We’re going to be a couple again and figure all of that out.”

 

Josh leaned in to kiss her, not noticing the look of hesitancy all over Becca’s face.

 

OCTOBER 2005

 

Living in Orlando was worlds away from living in Los Angeles and in a good way. Becca loved the anonymity of the suburbs much better here, though when she and Josh would go out, he would ultimately be recognized and then when they were recognized together, it took them an hour to sign autographs before they could head in to wherever they were dining that night. She worked six days a week on the show, and had one day off and that one day was spent with Josh and Dylan during the afternoon and in the evenings with Josh. She had to admit, it was nice to be back with him again. It still felt strange to say they were in a relationship a because most of their time together had been spent apart. Not that being with him and Dylan together was strange. If anything, that felt like the most normal part of their relationship. And then there was the sex, which to Becca was always mind-blowing. He definitely knew how to make love to her and please her and he was methodical about it until he knew she was ready to come. She had never experienced anything better than being with Josh like that. It was almost surreal.

 

Yet, her doubts clouded her mind that after Rent ran its course in December, they’d have to go their separate ways once again. Josh figured she’d go back to L.A., but Becca had started to consider slowly getting out of the limelight. She enjoyed Orlando and she enjoyed the slower pace of the stage. It wasn’t as though her movie or television career was blowing up anymore like it had at the beginning of the decade and she was fine with that. Another bonus was that Dylan and Briahna Fatone were officially best friends-or as much as they could be at four-and-a-half. She’d been grateful to Kelly for all the play dates she’d organized with the girls and Kelly had often said how sad Briahna would be once Dylan moved away again.

 

“How easy is it to get involved in professional theatre here?” Becca asked Joey one day, as they were getting ready for the Saturday matinee.

 

“For most people, not that easy. For you, very easy,” he touched up the gel in his hair and made sure his “Mark” scarf was adjusted correctly. “Why? You thinking of staying on in Orlando?”

 

Becca shrugged. “Why not? I really like it. Dylan loves it and I’m tired of uprooting her. Besides, how can I take her away from Briahna?”

 

Joey eyed Becca through the mirror. “True,” he said. “Have you told Josh about this?”

 

Becca bit on her lip and shook her head. “No,” she admitted. “Not yet. But I mean, I think he’d be excited about it.”

 

“Which part would he find exciting? The part where he has to go back to L.A. because that’s where most of his work is? The part where you and his daughter are once again across the country? The part where he has to lose you again? Which part?”

 

Becca sighed and shook her head. “No, I didn’t mean that. I mean, he has a house here. It’s not like he doesn’t ever come back,”

 

“He doesn’t,” Joey stated, matter-of-factly. “You’re the only reason he’s here so long. Normally, he’s back about once a year.”

 

Becca was quiet. “I hate L.A.,” she told Joey. “It’s not glamorous to me anymore. I’m tired of how fast life is there. And I’m kind of tired of the whole Hollywood scene if I’m completely honest.”

 

Joey was surprised. Becca had been one of the top actresses in Hollywood a few years ago. He knew her career had sort of slumped off, but she was gaining popularity with Rent and he knew many producers from L.A. and New York had been in the audience on several occasions. “What makes it different?” he asked her. “You know sometimes that live theatre can be more demanding.”

 

“True, it can be,” Becca agreed. “But only if you make it. I mean, if I only did a few shows every so often….” She trailed off and then sighed for the umpteenth time. “I don’t know. I just know I’m content here. I’m more content here than I’ve been in a long time. I don’t know if I want what I had a few years ago. I love Dylan and I’m falling in love with Josh and it’s working. And Orlando is a lot easier to keep up with than L.A.”

 

“You have to talk to Josh, Becca,” Joey told her. “He needs to know you’re feeling like this. You don’t want to spring this on him the week before the show ends and he’s prepared to move you all back to L.A.”

 

“I know,” she nodded. She looked at Joey through the mirror. “You don’t think he’ll be excited?”

 

Joey shrugged. “I just think he won’t know what to do. He’s got a lot of stuff going on in L.A. right now. He can’t give that up for a while. But who knows. He surprises me all the time. Maybe he’ll be fine with it.”

 

The bell rang signifying their 15- minute curtain call. Becca quickly checked herself in the mirror once more and gave her curly, auburn hair a quick scrunch before she patted Joey on the shoulder, thanked him, and left, desperately trying to channel “Maureen” and not the confused person of “Becca” that she had suddenly become in her conversation with Joey.

 

“You look amazing,” Josh told her the next evening. He’d taken her to a small, intimate restaurant on the outskirts of the city that was adjacent to a boutique hotel in a ritzy part of the suburbs. She was wearing a tight fitting, strapless black dress, her hair was up off of her shoulders in ringlets, and she’d dabbed on the perfume that drove him crazy. She smiled at him sitting across from her. His chin was resting in the palm of his hand and he was holding her hand across the table with his other one. He was gazing at her as though she was the only other person in the room and Becca loved it. Josh always made her feel special.

 

“So do you,” she noted his thin black tie, his blue button down that brought out his eyes, and black pants. They looked like a couple from Vogue and Kelly had even told her that when she’d come over to pick up Dylan for the night.

 

“I am so in love with you, baby,” he told her, squeezing her hand. “When we get home, I don’t want to leave our bedroom the rest of the night.”

 

“Okay,” Becca smiled at him.  He could read right through her.

 

“What?” he squeezed her hand and looked at her with a puzzled expression.

 

“Josh,” she didn’t want to tell him now. Not after he’d taken her out for what she knew was supposed to be a very romantic evening. Especially because Dylan was spending the night away. She met his eyes with hers and grimaced at what she was about to say. “Josh, I’ve decided I’m going to stay in Orlando once the show ends. I just think it’s best for me but especially for Dylan. I know your work is in L.A. and I know we just got back together, but I’m tired of it out there and I need to think about what’s best for our daughter.”

 

He was reticent, pretending he didn’t hear what he’d just heard.

 

“Say something. Please, baby,” Becca tried to stroke his palm with her thumb, but he pulled it away.

 

“Say something. I mean, what do you want me to say? That I’m excited? I’m thrilled for you? You know I have to be in L.A. Everything I do is out there,” he folded his arms across his chest and looked away, then back at her. “Becca, we just started to make this work and it’s working. I just can’t fathom why you would think moving a part from one another, with my daughter by the way, is the best thing for anyone in this family!”

 

Becca went to say something, then shut her mouth. She pursed her lips and let out a shaky sigh.

 

“I love you. I don’t want to lose you again,” his voice was soft, his eyes looking deep into hers.

 

“I love you, too, Josh. And I don’t want to lose you, either,” Becca bit on the inside of her lip. “But don’t you think we’re older and more mature now than we were before? I feel like we can handle a long distance relationship now.” She took a breath before she continued. “And honestly, you know you’d come back to Orlando more often than not. Your family’s here and me and Dylan are here and one of your best friend’s lives here!”

 

Josh slowly nodded his head and leaned toward her, taking her hand back into his. “Becca, don’t you want to be able to live together and make this work in the same city, eventually?”

 

“I do,” she replied, placing her free hand on top of his. “I want that so much. But right now, I’m thinking of Dylan and I don’t want her being raised in that fast paced lifestyle where kids get tattoos when they’re 12 or start drinking when they’re six. I want her to have a normal childhood and go to a normal school.”

 

Josh chuckled under his breath, “Honey, what kids are you seeing that have tattoos at 12 years of age?”

 

“You know what I mean!” Becca had to giggle at herself and then gazed at Josh. “I’m gonna miss you. I want you to know that it wasn’t an easy decision. But I’m trying to get out of the mainstream and just do some professional shows around here. And Dylan and Briahna have hit it off so well, I can’t bear to tell her she has to move again.”

 

“You’re right, babe. You’re right,” he agreed with her. “But at least we have two months left together. And obviously, you’ll just stay in the house. No sense in moving again.”

 

“Thanks,” she lifted his hand to her mouth and kissed it, then rested her cheek against it. “You’re the best, Josh.”

 

Josh could only smile back at her. His heart was in shambles knowing that he only had two months left with Becca and Dylan and then they’d have to start all over again. He would have to find a way to get back to Orlando more often than not, that wasn’t even a question. His head told him everything would be ok and that life would continue as it had been in the last month since he’d been back with Becca. But his heart was aching and he held on to her hand as tightly as he could.

 

When they got into the car that evening, they were both quiet. The rest of the meal had been ok, but not the evening either of them had wanted. Becca had fought with herself all day as to whether or not she should say anything to him. And now that it was all out in the open, all she wanted was to be reassured that he was still in this, that he still loved her. She looked over at him as he concentrated on the road. He came up to a stoplight and started to hum along with the song playing on the radio. Becca leaned over to him and kissed his cheek softly. He turned to her and caught her lips with his before the light turned green. The person in the car behind them honked their horn, causing Josh to break away from her. As soon as they were home, they locked themselves in the bedroom for the rest of the night.

 

“I’m just saying, you might want to move your producing and all that out here,” Joey was telling Josh two days later, when they’d gone out to an impromptu lunch downtown.

 

“It’s not that easy, Joe. Most of these groups are based in L.A. and while I can mix in a separate studio, they want me there going through certain stuff with them. You remember what that’s like,” Josh sipped his water and then took a bite of his hamburger.

 

Joey shook his head. “I don’t know, man. I just think if you and Becca are a part again, it’s not gonna be good. Neither of you did well with that back in the day,”

 

“We were young, Joey. None of us knew what we were doing back then,” he pointedly looked at Joey, who threw his head back and laughed.

 

“Oh, you got me there. Cheating on my poor girlfriend every single time I was away. At least you didn’t do that,” Joey took a swig of beer. “Your problem was you were just too jealous.”

 

“My girlfriend was best friends with the best looking guy in the Backstreet Boys,” Josh reminded him.

“You were voted best looking member all the time out of our little group, lest you forget that!” Joey spread his hands and shook his head.

 

“Well, almost. Let’s not forget our little Wonder Boy,” Josh couldn’t help but take a stab at Justin.

 

“Anyway, all I’m saying is you gotta think about things, Josh. Do you want your family or do you want your career? Not saying if you go back to Hollywood that means you’re choosing one over the other. But you’re a workaholic when it comes to producing, you know that,” Joey finished off his last swig of beer. “Just promise me you’ll think about it before you rush back over there.”

 

Josh nodded. “Okay and if I do end up going back?”

 

“Well, then, I guess we’ll see what happens, won’t we?”

FEBRUARY 2006

Los Angeles

 

“Let’s try it one more time,” Josh said into the speaker at the recording studio. Today he was working with a new up and coming punk band that he’d heard about through other friends in the industry. They’d been singing mostly at underground clubs and had a following and Josh was trying out his latest song on them, seeing what they thought. He’d not slept well the night before, because he’d been talking to Becca for most of the evening and what had started off as a good bit of phone sex, turned into a fight about when Becca and Dylan would be back out to L.A. Becca had just scored a job as the host of a game show on Nickelodeon. Her schedule was tight and she’d promised as soon as she had a break, she’d be on the first flight out with Dylan.

 

“You know that won’t be til the end of March,” Josh had said to her.

 

“You know there’s nothing I can do about that, babe,” she’d replied. “I’m sorry. We knew this was gonna be hard.”

 

“I figured you’d be doing something part time,” he sighed into the phone. “Not something that takes up half the year.”

 

“It doesn’t take up half the year, Josh. We film for two months. That’s hardly half the year,”

 

“Well, I can’t get out there any sooner than April. So, we’re going to have to wait at least another month,”

 

“We’ve waited longer,”

 

“I don’t care. I miss you and I miss our daughter!”

 

“Josh, we’ve been over this….”

 

And round and round the conversation went. There was never any end to it. He’d hung up mad and irritated with her and he knew she was feeling just as much frustration with him. His cell phone beeped and he looked down to see he had a message from Tony.

 

“Hey, C, we’re going to a new piano bar opening in Burbank. You should join us. Call me back,”

 

Josh leaned back in his chair and listened to the group behind the glass partition. Going out tonight was exactly what he needed. If he went home, he’d hide away in his studio and do nothing but lament over the fact that he missed Becca and missed Dylan. And then he’d get even angrier that he wasn’t there with them. He called Tony back.

 

“Hey, it’s me. I got your message. I’ll be there,”

 

Orlando

 

Becca had been in a bad mood all day. She’d tried to snap out of it while the taping of the show was going on, but as soon as the director yelled “Cut!”, Becca ran to her dressing room and shut the door. She looked at a picture of her and Josh and Dylan that was taken months ago when he’d been in Orlando and picked it up. Her little family. She wanted him back so much. It just felt right when he was here. She had admitted to herself that it felt like he’d chosen work over her, though she hadn’t voiced it to him. The phone call the night before still made her cringe. They’d hung up so upset and mad with one another. She wanted to call him now. She wanted to apologize, but for what? She’d not done anything wrong. She had a job to fulfill and she was doing that. What did he expect her to do?

 

She slowly stood from her dressing table and sighed, picking up her phone and debating about calling him. If they were honest with each other, they were both mad that the other had decided to live apart. They had both chosen their careers over each other and Dylan. But Orlando just made sense to Becca. Probably because she’d never seen Dylan as happy as the little girl had been in the last 6 months. Then again, Dylan also missed her father and would beg Becca to go out to California almost every day.

 

“But I thought you liked Orlando?” Becca had replied, when Dylan yet again had asked about going to California.

 

“I do, Mommy. I just miss Daddy,” Dylan said. “Why can’t Daddy live with us? Why does he have to live in California?”

 

“Would you rather us live in California, too?” Becca asked her.

Dylan shook her head. “No. I like our house here,”

 

And that had solidified it for Becca. Dylan had already moved nearly every year of her short life and Becca couldn’t do that to her again. So they were back at square one, the never -ending argument that was “Who’s coming to see whom next?”

Becca dialed Josh’s number as she headed out of the studio and got on the tram that took her back to her car. The phone rang three times and he picked up, though she could barely hear him with the music playing in the background. She knew he was at work and debated about telling him she’d just call him back.

 

“I can talk,” Josh told her, and he got up from the booth and walked around the corner where it was quieter. “What’s up?”

 

“I don’t like this, Josh,” Becca sighed, stepping off the tram. “I feel like we were working so well out here and then….well, I don’t know. Is it because you love L.A. that much that you can’t find anywhere else to do work?”

 

Josh was silent for a second before he spoke. He took a breath. “No,” he said. “No, that’s not it. It’s just that more of these music acts are out here. That’s all. Becca, I promise you, when it’s the right time, I’ll move back. I swear. I know that Dylan is content and I’m not trying to uproot you. I guess I’m just frustrated with how all of this is turning out. I don’t like fighting over the phone with you. Especially after what we did.”

 

Becca had to smile as she got into her car. “I know. I like it when you talk dirty to me,”

 

“Don’t, baby. I can’t right now. You know that,”

 

“Fine,” she let out a small chuckle. “Well, anyway, I just wanted to clear up everything before I went on with the day. Because my shoot sucked this morning and all I could think about was our fight. Dylan even knew this morning. She saw it written all over my face. She asked me if we broke up. She was really worried.”

 

Josh cringed. He hated it when Dylan was upset and there was nothing he could do for her. “Did you tell her we were okay?”

 

“I told her we were going to be okay,”

 

“I miss you, Bec. So much,”

 

“I miss you, too, Josh,”

 

“We’re at least working it out and not ignoring it. We’re communicating,”

“I know. We’ve grown up, I guess,” Becca pulled out of the parking lot and began to drive out of the back lot of Universal. “I think this time, we’re going to be okay.”

 

Burbank

 

Josh hadn’t eaten anything most of the day. He’d munched on a few chips and grabbed a candy bar when he was getting gas on his way to Burbank, but now he was starving. It was nearing 9:30pm and he was meeting Tony and a few other friends at 9:45. He walked into the bar and spotted an empty booth, immediately walking towards it. A few moments later, Tony walked in with three guys and two girls. One of them was an actress on some television show that Josh couldn’t place and the other one he’d never seen before. The three guys –Jason, Matt, and Brett- were mutual friends of his and Tony’s. They sat down with him and exchanged hellos.

 

“So, how’s Becca?” Tony asked, after they had ordered a round of drinks.

 

“She’s good. I just talked to her this afternoon. She’s working on a kids show at Universal,” Josh replied. “And Dylan’s still hanging out everyday with Briahna and loves Orlando.”

 

“So you’re still together,” Tony stated and Josh nodded. “Good. It’s about time.” He turned to one of the girls sitting next to him. “C’s got this girl out in Orlando. He should’ve married her a long time ago, but he’s stubborn and wants to be an idiot.”

 

“Shut up,” Josh laughed at Tony’s attempt at a joke.

 

“Did you say Orlando?” the familiar girl asked Josh. “That’s where I’m from.”

 

“Oh yeah?” Josh smiled at her. “Sorry, what was your name again?”

 

“Tina Forlani,” she answered.

 

“What show are you on again?” Josh asked her. His beer arrived and he sipped it as he waited for her response. She blushed and looked over at Tony.

 

“I was Miss December in Playboy last year,” Tina laughed softly. “Guess you read that issue?”

 

“Are you kidding? C never misses an issue!” Jason slapped Josh on the back. “ ‘Course he doesn’t let Becca know that. She’d kill him.”

 

“Becca knows,” Josh threw Jason’s arm off of him. “She just doesn’t know I keep subscribing to them out here is all.”

 

“Wow, you’re sneaky,” Tina shook her head at him, sarcastically. “So this chick. She’s your girlfriend?”

 

“Yep. And the mother of my daughter,” Josh replied.

 

“Why isn’t she out here with you then?” Tina wanted to know.

 

“Her job is in Orlando and mine’s here,” Josh shrugged, suddenly wondering if Tina might be coming onto him.

 

“That’s a shame. I would think if she loved you, she’d be out here with you,” her hand rested on his upper thigh and Josh knew right away she was coming onto him, no doubt.

 

“She loves me very much,” Josh defended the absent Becca. “Right now, it’s just the way things are.”

 

“That’s awful though. You having to hide something as silly as a Playboy from her,” Tina clucked her tongue. “If you were my boyfriend, I wouldn’t care what you looked at.”

 

“It’s more or less that our daughter doesn’t find them,” Josh tried to move away from her advances and knew he should be careful about drinking too much tonight.

 

“Huh,” Tina just nodded and strummed her fingernails on the table. She sipped her Cosmo and made sure Josh was watching her when she licked the sugary rim with her tongue.

 

“Dude, be careful,” Tony told him an hour later, when he and Josh had gone up to the bar. “She’s all over you.”

 

“Why’d you bring her?” Josh snapped at Tony. “I can’t shake her. And she’s being sexy on purpose. Really, Tony? You thought a Playboy model would be a good idea?”

 

“She’s friends with Ana,” Tony said, pointing to the other girl that had come with them. “Ana’s a cousin of Jason’s in town and he was just trying to show her L.A.” Tony took his gin and tonic from the bar. “And don’t blame me for her coming onto you. Control yourself. You’ve never cheated on Becca before so why would you start tonight, right?”

 

The next morning, Josh didn’t want to wake up. He’d been so drunk that he’d called a cab to take him home. His heart was racing now because Tina was sleeping next to him in his bed. All he’d remembered is that he had gotten drunk. Wasted. Sloshed. Trashed. Pissed. Whatever it was called, he’d done it and then some. And he’d slept with another woman. He felt sick to his stomach from the hangover and from the guilt he was feeling. As if to make matters worse, his phone was buzzing next to the bed. He looked at the caller ID and his heart sunk. It was Becca. It was noon in Orlando and she was probably calling with Dylan on the line. Josh sprang out of bed as fast as he could and walked to the stairs, sitting down on the top stair.

 

“Hi, Daddy!” Dylan’s voice came through on the other end after he’d picked up.

 

“Hi sweet girl,” Josh’s heart was beating in his chest. He wanted Tina gone, but he also wanted her to stay in his room long enough to get finished with this phone call. He didn’t want to have to tell Becca over the phone.

 

“Daddy, guess what? Mommy got a day off next weekend and we’re coming out to see you!”

 

His heart sank and danced all at the same time. “That’s wonderful, baby,”

 

“Yeah, and Mommy says that we can go to Disneyland, too!”

 

“We’ll do whatever you want, honey,”

 

“Oh, Daddy, and guess what else? Me and Briahna are doing gymnastics together. We’re in the same class! It’s so fun!”

“That’s wonderful, Dylan,”

 

With every sentence she spoke, Josh’s heart was sinking more and more into his stomach. He knew that Becca would be able to tell a difference in his voice when she got on the phone. But he’d do his best to act as though everything was fine.

 

“Hey you,” Becca greeted him. “Sorry, our little chatterbox is full of information today. I finally told her to go play in her room while I talked to you. So, did you like our surprise?”

 

“Uh huh,” Josh answered. “I can’t wait to see you.”

 

“What?” Becca could tell there was a crack in his voice. He didn’t sound like his usual self. “What’s wrong?”

 

And then, at that moment, Tina emerged from the bedroom. “Hey, JC!” she called and Josh cringed at her voice. “Can you call me a cab?”

 

Maybe Becca hadn’t heard that. Maybe he could pass it off as the television.

 

“Who’s that?” Becca asked, quietly.

 

“Becca, hang on,” he covered the receiver and glared at Tina, mouthing “Yes! Shh!”

 

“Josh, who was that?!” Becca asked again, her voice edgy.

 

“Nothing. Nobody,” Josh winced, knowing she wouldn’t buy it.

 

“Nobody. Okay. That’s good,” Becca was calm. “So, I’m supposed to be okay with ‘nobody’ asking you to get her a cab? What’s going on?”

 

He had no choice. He had to tell her. He stood up and walked to the end of the hall next to Dylan’s room. “Becca, I got a little wasted last night. And I didn’t mean any of it, but I slept with someone,”

 

Becca was silent. Her head was spinning. How did she respond to that? Was he joking? Was this a test to see how well she could handle stress? Her breathing became unsteady and she didn’t know whether to scream at him or burst into tears.

 

“Say something, baby. Please-“

 

“Ok, I’ll say something. We’re finished. This is done. For good,” Becca hung up the phone and only then did she let herself cry.

October 2009

 

Dylan Chasez hadn’t remembered ever living with both of her parents. When she had been small, her father had taken up with her mother for about three months when her mother was doing theatre in Orlando. That had been four years ago now. She’d been back and forth to Los Angeles for as long as she could remember to see her dad once a month during the school year and for six weeks in the summer. When her father had the time, he would fly out to see Dylan in Orlando as much as possible. Things were cordial between her parents, but they were more or less strangers now and Dylan knew it. She was somewhat jealous of Briahna. Briahna’s parents were married and loved each other. And she didn’t understand why her own parents couldn’t just make up over whatever it was that had torn them a part. But it was too late now. Because last night her mother   had said ‘yes’ to marrying Seth, the boyfriend who’d been around for the last 2 years. They met on the set of a game show that Dylan’s mother had hosted a while back. It had been canceled since then, but the relationship had continued, much to Dylan’s chagrin.

 

Dylan didn’t really care for Seth. He was always nice enough to her, but there were times when she’d be with them at dinner and felt as though she were getting on his nerves. He had told her mother that he’d always love Dylan as one of his own children, but Dylan hadn’t liked hearing that. There was only one father and his name was Josh and he didn’t live here. And she’d overheard Seth and her mother talking about how once they were married, they’d move to his house. She knew her mother was paying rent to her father because it was technically his house, but once her mother moved, her father had told Dylan he was going to sell it. Seth’s house was across town and not near Briahna at all. She would have to switch schools, switch gymnastics and dance classes, and make new friends. Her mother had tried to be encouraging about the ‘making new friends’ part, but Dylan was not excited in the least.

 

“I don’t want you to move,” Briahna was telling Dylan one day as they shared a snack of carrots and veggie dip. They were at Briahna’s house after school and sitting outside on the back patio.

 

“I don’t want to move, either,” Dylan frowned, biting into a carrot. “Mom says that our house now is too much to keep up and that Dad wanted to sell it anyway.”

 

“But you’ll still come over here a lot, right?” Briahna prodded.

 

“Yes! I already told my mom that I would only still be best friends with you no matter what,” Dylan assured her friend.

 

“My dad says he would come pick you up whenever you wanted to come and play with me!” Briahna told her. “So I’m just going to tell him everyday that you want to come over!”

 

Kelly was listening from the screen door that led outside and heard the conversation between the two girls. They were both eight-and-a-half now and had never known anything else but each other until they’d started school. And even after being in the same class and with each other all the time, they still were inseparable. They shared the same friends, but Dylan was never without Briahna and Briahna was never without Dylan. And in March, Becca would be moving them across town, which was a full forty-five minutes both ways and Kelly knew that both girls, who’d only been a two-minute drive from each other, would be heartbroken once the move happened. She was happy for Becca, who’d become a good friend in the last few years, but she often wondered if Becca was truly happy with Seth. He was a nice enough guy, he treated Becca great, he was good to Dylan, but there was just something about him that Kelly didn’t like. She’d shared her thoughts with Joey, who’d only told her that she was just rooting for Josh and Becca to get back all along.

 

“It’s been almost four years, honey,” Joey had reminded her. “Josh ruined it when he slept with that girl in L.A.”

 

“They both ruined it. They should’ve just found a neutral place to live. It’s not right, Joey. I see Dylan’s eyes when she comes over here and she is yearning to have a family like we have. She’s even told me she wished her parents lived together,” Kelly had responded. “I just hate all of it.”

 

“I know,” Joey had kissed her cheek. “I know you do. I do, too. But we’ve got to learn to move on from that. It’s not going to get back to what it was ever again, I’m afraid.”

 

Los Angeles

 

Josh heard his phone buzzing and was already late for a meeting at MTV. He grabbed it and hopped in his car, speeding off towards the freeway.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hi, Daddy,”

 

Josh smiled when he heard his daughter’s voice on the other end. He could be having the worst day, but hearing from Dylan always made it better.

 

“Hi, honey. What are you up to?”

 

“I was playing at Briahna’s today,” she said. “And I stayed for dinner and Uncle Joey took us on a bike ride.”

 

“That sounds great, baby girl. Are you back at home now?”

 

“Yes,” her voice quavered and Josh could hear it.

 

“Are you okay honey?”

 

“Daddy, Mom’s getting married,” Dylan suddenly burst into tears, but was sure to be quiet. She didn’t want her mother to hear her.

 

Josh sucked in his breath and let out a sigh. He’d expected it to come sooner or later. Seth was the boyfriend she’d dated the longest since they’d broken up. Dylan had told him countless times that she didn’t like Seth all that much. Josh had never bad mouthed Seth to her because he knew it would be a blow to Becca and something she could use against him at some point.

 

“Well, honey, you should be happy for Mom,” Josh was biting his tongue hard here. He didn’t want to agree with her and tell her that he didn’t like it either.

 

“No!” Dylan sobbed a little louder. “Daddy, we have to move. And I have to leave my school and Briahna and dance and everything! And Mom says you are going to sell our house!”

 

Well, that was true. Josh had told Becca if, for any reason she left, he’d probably sell the house. He knew that he could never go back there without her in it.

 

“Sweetie, I know. I know this is hard for you and –“

 

“I don’t like Seth, Daddy. I don’t want to live with him. Why can’t you live here? Why can’t you be in Orlando and I could come live with you!”

 

Josh was silent once more and shook his head, banging his fist against the steering wheel. He wanted to. He wanted to be out there more than anything. And here was his daughter, begging him to come out there again. But this time, he figured he could somehow make it work. He would have to make it work. He didn’t ever want to have to hear Dylan sobbing like that again. It broke his heart. He would figure something out, even if it meant flying to L.A. to film on the weekends for America’s Best Dance Crew. He’d do it if it meant that he’d have his daughter with him for as much as he wanted.

 

One Week Later

 

Becca was in shock as she listened to Josh on the other end of the phone. He was moving back to Orlando. He was going to live in the house she would be moving out of. And the biggest blow of all – Dylan wanted to live with him. Her heart switched places with her stomach. She was angry. How dare he do this to her? Then again, she had had Dylan all to herself more or less for the past eight and a half years. But no, that’s how it was supposed to be. Or how she wanted it to be. She liked the fact that Josh’s work had kept him in L.A. ever since they’d broken up. She liked it because she had Dylan. As awful as it sounded, it was part of her revenge for his sleeping with someone else. She got their kid. He got her part time. But now, that was all going to change.

 

“Why does she want to live with you?” Becca demanded. “Did you bribe her with something?!”

 

“Well, no, but I’m not the one getting married and making her move away from her best friend, from her school, from everything she’s known since she was a little girl, am I? She doesn’t like your fiancé, Bec. Sorry. And I’ve never had her live with me before and I think I’d like to give it a try,”

 

“Josh, you’re really going to do this? You’re giving up your career?” Becca’s heart was torn. Why hadn’t he done this from the beginning? Why was he waiting until now, when it was much too late? No. No, she wouldn’t go there.

 

“I’m not giving it up. I’ll go out to L.A. on the weekends and film. I talked it over with the producers and it’s settled. And it’s not like we won’t live in the same city. We’ve done this before. Only this time, I’m the one who’ll be with her most of the time,”

 

Becca felt tears stinging at her eyes. He was going to come back. He was going to come back and she was getting married and Dylan wouldn’t be living with her. “Josh, please. Can’t we work something out? I can’t not see her just every weekend. Please. Three and a half days with you and three and a half with me. I’ll take her to school and make sure she gets to her dance school. Just don’t make me give her up like that.”

 

Josh softened as he listened to Becca on the other line. He still loved her. He’d never stopped and he’d never forgiven himself for what he’d allowed himself to do. “Fine, Becca. Talk to her and call me back tomorrow,” he sighed.

 

Becca said goodbye and hung up, staring at the phone in her hand and biting a nail. She walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs to Dylan’s room.

 

“Hi,” she greeted her daughter, who was sitting on her bed reading a Ramona Quimby book. “Can we talk?”

 

“Yeah,” Dylan nodded, folding a page in the book to mark her place. She put the book on her nightstand and sat up, facing her mother.

 

“I just got off the phone with Dad,” Becca started. “And he told me you want to live with him. Dylan, I want you to know that we both want you to be happy. But I can’t imagine you not living with me. I’m sorry that I’m making you move and I know you don’t want to leave Briahna. Your father is moving back here, though, and we’ve decided that we’re both going to have you live with us.”

 

Dylan’s eyes brightened. “Is Daddy going to move in here, too?!” she gasped.

Becca shook her head. “No, honey. No, that means that I’m going to have you Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday afternoons and then you’ll go to your dad’s house on Thursday afternoons and I’ll pick you up on Monday from school,”

 

“But I get to still go to school with Briahna?” Dylan ventured to ask her mother.

 

Becca nodded. “Yes,” she looked at Dylan seriously. “Baby, you really don’t like Seth? He’s crazy about you.”

 

“No,” Dylan looked down at her duvet cover and then back at Becca. “No, Mom, I don’t. I don’t like you with him. I only like you with Daddy.”

 

“Well, honey, you know that me and Daddy haven’t been with each other in a long time. And we both have different lives now. It would never work. I love Seth and one day, I’m sure your father will find someone he loves just as much,” she reached over to touch Dylan’s hand. “But we both love you and we loved each other enough once that we got to have you. And neither of us will ever regret that.”

 

Dylan only nodded and didn’t say anything else for a minute. “I want to read again. Can you shut the door on the way out?” she hadn’t been rude or sassy when she’d said it. She was simply letting her mother know that there was nothing else to say about the matter.

 

Becca stood slowly and bent down to kiss the top of Dylan’s head. “I love you, Dyl. And Daddy loves you and Seth loves you. You’re a very lucky girl, kiddo.” She left Dylan’s room and went back to the room that was now hers and used to be Josh’s. She sat down on the edge of the bed and let the tears slowly fall down her cheeks, not bothering to wipe them away.

One Month Later

 

Dylan stood outside with her class at the carline pick-up in front of the elementary school she attended. She’d just said goodbye to Briahna and was excited because she knew that her father was going to be picking her up today. Josh had flown into town and was staying for a few days at the house while Becca had begun the process of moving her things out to Seth’s place. Dylan was still processing how it would all work in a few months’ time. She would be with her dad most weekends and at her mom’s during the week. Her stomach had sunk most times when she thought about the fact that her parents might never get back together. She had remembered vaguely how happy her mother had been just a few years ago. And then there was Seth, who’d be her new stepfather in February. It made her cringe to think about it. She had vowed she’d never listen to him and she’d only do what her mother told her.

 

“Dylan, your car is here,” her teacher, Miss Mathis called to her. Dylan looked out into the carline and frowned when she saw Seth pulling up in his blue car.

 

“Miss Mathis, my daddy is supposed to get me,” Dylan said, going over to her teacher. “He told me he was coming today.”

 

“Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry. He left a message at the front desk and I forgot to tell you at recess. He’s going to be waiting for you at your house and your stepdad is going to take you,” Miss Mathis leaned down to Dylan’s level and patted her head. “Go on. I think he’s waiting.”

 

“He isn’t my stepdad,” Dylan replied, softly, gathering her backpack and putting it over her shoulder. She said goodbye to a few of her friends and solemnly walked over to the blue car in line.

 

“Hey, there, Dylan!” Seth greeted her, a smile plastered across his face. Dylan said nothing, but opened the door to the backseat. “You can sit up front with me, honey.”

 

“No, I can’t,” Dylan climbed into the backseat and fastened her seatbelt. “I’m not tall enough yet.”

 

“Oh, I won’t tell anyone!” Seth turned around and flashed a grin.

 

“It’s against the law,” Dylan answered, not bothering to smile back at him. She looked out the window as Seth pulled out of the school parking lot.

 

“Oh. Okay,” he cleared his throat. “So, how was your day?” Seth turned down the radio and looked at her through the rearview mirror.

 

“Fine,” Dylan wasn’t going to elaborate any more than she needed to.

 

“Did you have fun at recess?” Seth turned the corner and Dylan frowned.

 

“My house is the other way,” she leaned towards him.

 

“Oh, I thought you and I could go to Cold Stone and get an ice cream before I took you home. How does that sound?” Seth was not giving up.

 

“No. No, thank you. I want to go home. I want to see my dad,” Dylan was calm in her response, remembering what both of her parents had told her about being respectful to adults.

 

Seth let out an irritated sigh and turned into a parking lot to turn around. “You know, Dylan, I’m trying my best to get to know you but you’re really making it hard. I’ve been with your mom for 2 years now. Don’t you think you and I should start to be friends?”

 

“No,” came Dylan’s answer.

 

“Well, honey,” his voice became terse. “You’re going to have to get used to me because in a few months I’ll be your stepfather and you and I are going to have to get along. And you will listen to what I tell you to do. Do I make myself clear?”

 

Dylan was silent and felt tears stinging at her eyes. She looked away and pretended to be interested in the scenery passing her outside, even though she knew it like the back of her hand.

 

“Fine,” Seth snapped. “You can ignore me all you want right now, but you’d better learn to respect me here soon enough.”

 

The rest of the ride was quiet until Seth pulled into the driveway. Dylan’s heart raced when she saw her father standing at the front door. He walked towards the car and met her as she opened the door and scrambled out into his arms.

 

“Daddy!” she threw her arms around his neck and giggled. “Hi!”

 

“Hi baby girl,” Josh kissed his daughter’s cheek. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come get you. My flight was late.” He looked over at Seth, still in the driver’s seat. “Hey, thanks for picking her up.”

 

“No problem,” Seth muttered, watching the scene before him.

 

“Daddy, can we go ride the Hulk with Uncle Joey and Briahna tomorrow?” Dylan immediately asked him. The Hulk rollercoaster at Islands of Adventure was Dylan’s favorite ride and she and Briahna could go on it over and over again. They especially loved going with Josh and Joey because it only made the experience more fun for both of them.

 

“Sure, honey. We’ll do whatever you want,” he kissed her again and she ran off with her backpack and suitcase towards the house.

 

“You sure do spoil her,” Seth muttered, looking at Josh, despicably.

 

“She’s my daughter and right now, I don’t see her like I’d like to,” Josh replied, stoically. “Thanks again for-“

 

“Well, after Becca and I get married, things will change. She already knows that I don’t approve of Dylan getting her way all the time and we’re going to be a bit more strict with her,” Seth eyed Josh as though he were a piece of dirt on the ground.

 

“She’s my daughter. I’ll do whatever I like with her. And whatever rules you have at her house may not be what are at mine,” Josh had kept his calm. He really wanted to beat this guy to a pulp, but he held his ground.

 

“I think you need to understand that the real world is going to slap her in the ass once she realizes life isn’t handed to her on a silver plate,” Seth retorted, as he began to back the car out of the driveway.

 

Josh placed his hand firmly on the window- sill, causing Seth to stop abruptly. “You have no say in what goes on, dude. She’s my daughter.”

 

Seth just shrugged and continued to pull out. Josh was fuming by now and ran back towards the house. Dylan met him the foyer and he knew from the look on her face that she’d seen them talking from the front window in the dining room.

 

“What did he say?” she asked Josh, walking over to him and taking his hand in her small one.

 

“Nothing, honey. Don’t worry about it,” Josh knelt down and pulled her into his arms. “All you need to know is that I love you and I can’t wait to spend this weekend with you.”

 

“Yeah!” Dylan brightened and pulled her head off of his shoulder. “Me too, Daddy!”

 

“Ok, so where should we have dinner? We’ll go wherever you want to go,” Josh stood and ran his hand through her long, brown hair.

 

“Bahama Breeze!” Dylan blurted. “I want shrimp!”

Josh nodded. “Okay. Well, you go play in your room and we’ll go soon. Maybe stop at the mall on the way?”

 

“Yay!” Dylan squealed as she ran upstairs to her bedroom.

 

Once Josh had heard the door slam, he went over to the phone in the kitchen and dialed Becca’s cell phone number. He couldn’t believe this guy was serious.     And he couldn’t believe that Becca was engaged to him for anything in the world.

 

Becca had been online looking at bridal websites and was checking out a junior bridesmaids dress for Dylan. She leaned back in her recliner and clicked again on another site, which brought up an exquisite pale ivory dress that would look perfect on her daughter. It had simple sleeves and was knee-length, but didn’t look at all too young or too old for an 8-year-old. Just as she was clicking on the image to make it bigger, her cell phone rang next to her. She looked at the ID and saw it was Josh, probably calling about Dylan and checking in as he always did when he had her.

 

“Hey,” she greeted him. “What’s up?”

 

“Not much,” Josh sighed and leaned against the island in the kitchen. “Becca, I had an interesting conversation with Seth today when he dropped off Dylan.”

 

“Interesting good or bad?”

 

“He’s an ass,”

 

“Of course he is,” Becca’s voice was curt and sarcastic. “What the hell did he do? Pick her up late?”

 

“Listen to me!” Josh snapped.  “He basically told me that I was spoiling Dylan and that once you and him were married, that all that would have to stop. I do not spoil Dylan. I don’t see her all that much right now, but I certainly do not spoil her. And I’m sorry, but whatever rules you make after you get married, I’m not abiding by them. “Dylan is just fine and-“

“Rules? What rules?” Becca interrupted him. “What are you talking about?”

“Apparently, he doesn’t approve of Dylan getting her way all of the time, which she doesn’t. And he told me that life would bite her in the ass once she found out it wasn’t handed to her on a silver plate. What the hell, Becca? You really want to be with this douche?”

 

Becca closed her eyes and groaned into the phone. “I’m sure that’s not what he meant, Josh. You probably took it out of context!”

 

“I didn’t take it out of context!”

 

“Well, that’s not like him so I don’t know what to tell you-“

 

“Maybe you should tell me that you need to find out how he is when he’s not around you! Maybe you should tell me that you’re not going to let him control my daughter!”

 

“She’s my daughter, too!”

 

“You know what I mean!”

 

“Fine. I’ll talk to him. But I’m pretty sure you just misunderstood him,”

 

“Right. Because that’s what I’m good at. Misunderstanding people?”

 

“Don’t start with me,”

 

“Baby, I started with you 9 years ago and I’m not about to stop. I know you better than any other person on the damn planet and you can pretend you have no idea what I’m talking about or whatever, but one day you’ll realize I’m right,”

 

“Goodbye, Josh,” Becca hung up and wanted to throw her phone across the room. Instead, she got up and rubbed her temples, heading into Seth’s bedroom. At that instant, she heard the front door open and him call for her.

 

“I’m in the bedroom, babe,” Becca called back. She sat down on the bed and hated this feeling in her gut. Surely Josh misunderstood. Seth was always careful about stepping over the parenting line with Becca and he always made sure that she had the last word with Dylan.

“Hi,” he greeted her, coming over to the bed and pecking her lips. “How are you?”

 

“Good,” Becca smiled at him then cleared her throat. “Hey, I just got off the phone with Josh. Was there some sort of misunderstanding when you dropped off Dylan? He said that you said a few things about parenting and how he spoiled her or something?”

 

Seth furrowed his eyebrows. “No. He completely misunderstood me. I told him that it was a good thing she wasn’t spoiled. You know with as much as he could give her but doesn’t. I’m sorry, baby. Do you want me to call and apologize? I didn’t mean for him to take that the wrong way,”

 

Becca shook her head and smiled at him, kissing his lips softly. “No. He’s wrong and I know that you would never do anything that stupid. You know that both Josh and I don’t ever want to be those parents who let our kid get away with shit.”

 

“I know that, Becca,” Seth enveloped her in his arms. “I’m sure Josh meant well. It might be hard for him to see me with Dylan is all.”

 

Becca nodded. “That’s true,” she stated. “Thanks for being so great. I knew that couldn’t have been at all what you said.”

 

Josh opened the garage door and pulled the car inside. He and Dylan had had a full evening of eating at her favorite restaurant, then going to Build-A-Bear and getting a new outfit for her favorite stuffed dog –Rufus- and then over to Cold Stone for an ice cream cone. Dylan had talked to him about school, about her new dance she and Briahna were putting together, and that she couldn’t wait until he was really back in Orlando for good. It had been a perfect evening. And now, they were home and tomorrow they would meet Joey and Briahna at Islands of Adventure for all the Hulk riding they could do in a day. Josh had almost forgotten about that encounter with Seth until he walked inside and his phone buzzed immediately.  He didn’t look at the ID before answering, simply told Dylan to go upstairs and change into her pajamas.

 

“Hello?”

“I talked to Seth,” came Becca’s short response. “You completely misunderstood him.”

“Oh, really? Did I? Please enlighten me. I’d love to know what he’s saying I misunderstood,” Josh snapped back sarcastically.

 

“He was simply saying that he knew how easy it would be for us to spoil her and he was glad that we didn’t do it. Now, does that sound like anything you heard?”

 

“No. He’s lying, Becca,”

 

“You’re lying. You just don’t want me to be happy with anyone. Look, if I recall, you’re the one that fucked this up for us three years ago. And I’ve moved on and maybe one day you’ll decide to do the same for yourself. But I’m happy and I’ve moved on and he loves me and loves Dylan. So the sooner you learn to accept that, the better it will be for everyone else involved!”

 

“Becca, come on. You know me. You know that I-“

 

“Save it, Josh. I don’t want to hear it anymore,”

 

He went to say something else, but it was too late. She had already hung up on him. He sighed loudly and banged the phone down on the counter. He looked up to see Dylan at the end of the stairs looking back at him and immediately he felt guilty.

 

“Daddy, was that Mama?” she asked him, walking over to him. “Did she make you mad?”

 

“Don’t worry about who that was,” Josh forced a smile and took her hand in his. “C’mon. I’ll go tuck you in. Pretty soon, you’re gonna be too old for me to do that.”

 

“I won’t ever be too old for you to tuck me in!” Dylan replied. “Cross my heart, Dad!”

 

“Okay. So when you’re 16, I’ll remind you of this conversation, alright?” Josh mused, tousling her hair. He followed her back to her bedroom and Dylan immediately jumped on her bed and pulled back the covers, snuggling beneath them. Josh sat next to her and smoothed out her hair, bending down to kiss her cheek. “You’re always gonna be my little girl, Dylan. You know that, right?”

“I know, Dad,” Dylan grinned at him. “I love you.”

Josh smiled and playfully tickled her under her neck, which made her squeal. He reached down and she threw her arms around him, kissing his cheek before letting him go.

 

“Goodnight my favorite girl,” he stood and turned off the lamp next to her bed. “I love you.”

 

“Goodnight, Daddy,” Dylan yawned, as she rolled over on her side and closed her eyes.

 

Josh cracked the door as he left and headed back downstairs to watch television. His stomach still churned from the conversation he’d had with Becca and he couldn’t believe she hadn’t believed a word he’d said to her.

 

Then again, sometimes he couldn’t believe they weren’t ever getting back together again.          

January 2010

 

“Dylan, you forgot to finish the back of the test,” Miss Mathis pointed out to Dylan before recess. “Did you know there were more problems on the other side of the page?”

 

Dylan looked at her teacher and shrugged. She was staying with her mother until her father flew back from Los Angeles the next day and the night before, Seth had scolded her for going into his office without him knowing. She had had no idea. At her dad’s house, Dylan was allowed to go and play computer games in her father’s office and she had just assumed it would be that way where her mother was living. It had thrown her off all day at school and now she was reaping the consequences.

 

“I-I forgot,” Dylan looked down at her feet. “I’m sorry, Miss Mathis.”

 

“Dylan, is your daddy gone again?” Miss Mathis looked at her sympathetically and touched her arm.

 

“He’s coming back tomorrow,” Dylan mumbled, still looking at her feet.

 

“Did something happen at your house last night?” Miss Mathis’ voice was close to a whisper. “You can tell me, sweetie.”

 

“No,” Dylan shook her head then bit her lip. “Well, my mom’s boyfriend got on to me for going into his office. And he was really mad.”

 

Miss Mathis raised her eyebrow. “He didn’t hurt you, did he Dylan?”

 

“No,” Dylan answered truthfully. “He’s just mean. He always pretends to like me in front of my mom but I know he doesn’t.”

 

“And your dad will be back soon, won’t he?” the teacher prodded.

 

“Tomorrow,” Dylan said. “I miss him.”

 

“I know you do, Dylan,” Miss Mathis nodded and looked back at the test. “Tell you what. You finish this at recess and next time, just remember to turn your test over, okay?” She smiled at Dylan reassuringly and Dylan only nodded, taking her test and walking back to her seat.

 

“What happened?” Briahna asked her as they walked from the classroom to the playground.

 

“I have to finish my math test at recess. I forgot to turn it over,” Dylan answered.

 

“Ok. I’ll save you a spot in kickball,” Briahna promised her.

 

“Thanks,” Dylan smiled at her best friend. “Can I spend the night tonight? I don’t want to go to Seth’s house.”

 

“Yeah!” Briahna replied, excitedly. “We can ask my mom after dance class today!”

 

Dylan nodded happily and followed the class out to the playground. She had only been at Seth’s for the weekend and she was already miserable. She knew her father would be back tomorrow-Tuesday-but it still seemed like a lifetime away for her. She sat down on a bench near the kickball field and began to work on the rest of her test.

 

Becca sat in the kitchen and looked out over Seth’s backyard. She sipped her coffee and even though she knew she should be looking through last minute wedding preparations –the wedding was in a month after all- she just didn’t feel up to it for some reason. She’d had to intervene the night before when Seth had yelled at Dylan for going into the office. Seth had apologized and said it was because he wasn’t used to other people going in there, but Becca had argued with him that Dylan was eight and all she was doing was playing a computer game. She knew it had upset her child and tried to console her when she’d tucked her in, but it was hopeless. Dylan had only asked Becca when Josh was coming back. It broke Becca’s heart because throughout all of this, she knew that Dylan was reaching out to Josh more and more. Becca had become the “bad” parent or so she felt. And then, that morning before Seth had left for Universal, where he was working on a project, he’d told Becca that when Dylan was old enough, they might think about putting her in boarding school in Connecticut.

 

“Boarding school?!” Becca had responded, very shocked. “Seth, I’m not putting my daughter in boarding school. I know for a fact her father would kill us both!”

 

“Sweetheart, I went to boarding school. It’s a great place for an education. And she would benefit so much for it. She’d get into any college she wanted-“

 

“Absolutely not,” Becca had snapped. “This isn’t even a conversation worth having because we’re not doing that.”

 

Seth had glowered at her and gone back to the bedroom. She heard him getting his things together before coming back into the living room. He didn’t say anything, only went to the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee in a thermos and then walked back into the living room to face her. “All I’m saying is that it is something to think about. Dylan needs to be more independent. She relies far too heavily on you and Josh and-“

 

“She’s eight years old, Seth! This is ridiculous! No. I’m sorry. We’re not doing that to her,” Becca had stood up and left the room. She heard Seth close the garage door and hadn’t heard from him since and that had been at least three hours ago.

 

So here she sat, sipping on her coffee and pondering the last two years with him because she knew that she loved him and that the wedding was just four weeks away. And she had to stop having these doubts she was suddenly having because it was only messing with everything. Fine, she could justify Dylan going into his office. Seth wasn’t used to that. She could justify Dylan’s relationship with him and tell herself that eventually, Dylan would come around and learn to like Seth. But she couldn’t justify the whole boarding school conversation. She couldn’t even believe that was a conversation they were having at all. It was one thing that Seth had gone there, but she also knew that Seth hated his parents and they had no relationship at all. She wondered if boarding school had been a predecessor for that. And at the rate she was going with her daughter right now, that’s all she needed was to send Dylan off somewhere and have her hate her mother for the rest of her life. But it wasn’t going to happen. Josh would make sure of that. She could almost hear his reaction if she ever told him that she and Seth were sending Dylan off to boarding school.

 

“Are you crazy?!” he would say, and his blue eyes would shoot darts into hers.

 

Becca sat back in her chair and looked down at her coffee mug. She thought back to when Dylan was younger, when she and Josh had managed to stay together for that short time. For a while, even for a little while, life had seemed perfect. Those three months together in that house were bliss because they were an actual family. And now she and Josh could barely talk to one another without fighting. Why was she surprised? It was what they did best. Fighting and lovemaking. And that’s when she admitted silently to herself that it had never been as good with anyone else than it had with Josh. She remembered that one night when he’d told her it would always be her. And she had told him the same. But now it was done. It was over. There was nothing left. He’d been the one to sleep with someone else and ruined everything. Becca stood and went to put her mug in the dishwasher, and caught a glimpse of her reflection in the window by the sink. She was older. She wasn’t that 22-year-old girl she’d been when she and Josh had first met. That girl was gone and Becca knew that everything else had gone with her. Her stomach churned when she thought back to all of those years back and forth with him. Most of her adult life had been spent with Josh Chasez and she couldn’t erase that, as much as she wanted to do it.

 

Her cell phone rang and she broke from her trance to retrieve it off the kitchen table. It was almost as if Josh had read her mind because it was his number flashing on the screen.

 

“Hey,” she answered, sitting back down at the table.

 

“Hey,”

“What’s up?”

 

“Not much. I’m picking up Dylan tomorrow, right?”

 

“Yeah. She’s already been asking for you,”

 

“Sweet. How are you?”

 

“I’m okay,” Becca suddenly felt as if she were having a conversation with an old friend. “Tired. Busy. Lots of stuff going on.”

 

“Yeah,” his voice was soft. “Yeah, you’re getting married in a month. Crazy.”

 

“I know,”

 

“You sound upset,”

 

He could read her like a book. She could be hundreds of miles away on another coast and he could hear in her voice that she wasn’t herself right now.

 

“It’s just been a long day,”

 

“I’m sorry. Well, I’ll be back tomorrow and maybe taking Dylan will get you back in the mindset you need to be in,”

 

“I hate this,” she heard herself saying.

 

“You hate what?”

 

“I hate that we’re doing this to her,”

 

“It’s what has to happen, Becca. Lots of parents do this who aren’t together,”

 

Becca suddenly felt herself tearing up and she didn’t know why. And then she let the tears fall and Josh heard her sniffing into the phone.

 

“Becca, what’s wrong? You know that this is what had to happen eventually. We’re at least sharing her. We’re at least –“

“Why did you have to cheat on me?” she was crying now and didn’t try to hide it. “Josh, we were so good together. Why did you do it? We wouldn’t have had to split her up. She hates me, Josh. She literally can’t stand to be here right now. And Seth got mad at her last night and she was so upset. All she wanted was you. So now I’m the bad guy in this whole shitty mess and you get to be the good guy when you’re the one who fucked it up in the first place!” Her breathing was unsteady and she couldn’t control her sobs any longer. He was silent, letting her get it out and not speaking.

 

“Becca,” he finally spoke. “You’re not the bad guy. And I know I’m the one who messed up. I regret it every single day. Do you know why I don’t have anyone right now? It’s because I’m still in love with you and it wouldn’t be fair to-“

 

“Don’t tell me that!” she raised her voice to him. “Don’t tell me you still love me! I can’t hear that right now.”

 

“Well, it’s true. You’ve always been the one, Becca. I can’t say I’m sorry enough because it would never do. If I could take it all back I would,”

 

She said nothing, only wiped away her tears and wondered where all of this had come from? Had she been holding this in for so long that it was finally time to release it?

 

“Are you there?” he asked, quietly.

 

“Yeah,” she sniffed. “I’m sorry. I don’t know where that came from. I’m just…going through the last minute jitters or something I guess.”

 

“I guess,”

 

“Maybe when you get back we can take her to dinner. Or something,”

 

“Maybe,” Josh said, not offering anything else. He paused, then, “Becca, are you sure you want to marry him?”

 

“Yes,” she answered, almost automatically. “I’m not messing this up for myself.”

 

“Then I won’t say any more about it,” Josh promised her. “But, hey, look at us. We didn’t even get into a fight this time.”

Becca had to chuckle. “Yeah. You’re right,”

 

“I’ll see you later this week, then?”

 

“Uh huh. ‘Bye, Josh,”

 

“’Bye,”

 

Becca hit “END” and put the phone down, still not feeling any better or reassured. If anything, that conversation had only made her feel worse. She hated to admit it, but he knew her better than anyone else and talking to him was like talking to an old friend, which, if anything, that’s more or less what he was now.

 

Kelly spotted Becca at the opposite end of the dance studio later that afternoon. She waved her over and Becca smiled at her friend and walked over to her.

 

“Hey, Briahna wants to know if Dylan can spend the night tonight? It’s fine with me, but-“ Kelly stopped when she saw Becca’s face fall and then shook her head. “Nevermind, I don’t want to step on any toes or anything.”

 

“No, it’s not that,” Becca shook her head. “Normally, it would be fine. But I want her home with me tonight. We’ve had a rough couple of days.”

 

“What’s wrong?” Kelly sat down on a bench that faced the girls’ dance studio room. Becca sat next to her.

 

“Dylan and Seth got into a little fight last night. It was nothing big, I guess, but it definitely made Dylan upset. All she’s been asking for is Josh and he doesn’t get home til tomorrow. And, I don’t know, I feel like I’ve been having last minute wedding jitters or something,” Becca sighed. “I broke down on the phone today with Josh about it and-“

 

“Wait, you talked to Josh about your wedding?” Kelly interrupted her.

 

“No. I just kind of told him that I was nervous. That was all,” Becca conveniently forgot to add the parts about her bemoaning their whole relationship and wishing Josh had never cheated on her.

 

“Did you fight about it?” Kelly knew all too well the fights that Josh and Becca could get into over Dylan or, really, over anything.

 

“Surprisingly, no,” Becca said. She looked at Kelly and bit her lower lip. “I don’t know what my deal is, but I kind of missed him today. It’s stupid. I’m engaged and I love Seth, but I just…I don’t know.”

 

“It’s hard to forget someone who’s been a part of your life for so long,” Kelly replied. “Do you think you still love Josh?”

 

Her question shocked Becca and she had to take a moment to think on that. Did she? He’d certainly given her enough reasons to hate him forever. “I think he’ll always have some piece of my heart. I mean, look at Dylan. She’s nearly the spitting image of him. No denying where she came from, that’s for sure. So every time I look at her, I see him.”

 

“But do you still love him?” Kelly asked her again.

 

Becca couldn’t answer because she didn’t know how. Her first instinct was to tell Kelly that she did. She would always love Josh. But it was different than loving Seth and that’s what made it hard to know how to respond.

 

“I think you should probably find out that answer before you walk down the aisle in a month,” Kelly told her, patting Becca’s leg. “No sense in you having to pay for a divorce in two years.”

 

Becca cringed at the thought of that even happening. She’d been with Seth for two years and they’d never broken up. They knew each other well. Surely that wouldn’t happen. But the doubts continued to cloud her mind and by the time the dance class was over, Becca was more confused inside than she’d ever been before.

“Becca, just tonight. Please,” he held her close to him. “Don’t go.”

 

“Just tonight,” she whispered, leaning in to kiss him. “I love you, Josh. I love you so much.”

 

“I love you, too,” he entered her slowly, his face covering hers with kisses and flicks of his tongue. “Does this feel okay?”

 

“It always feels okay,” Becca said and wrapped her leg around him. “Go in deeper, baby. Mmm.”

 

“Becca?!”

 

Becca opened her eyes and looked over at Seth next to her in bed. He was eyeing her curiously and she felt her entire body on fire from the dream she was having. Her auburn hair fell around her face and for that she was thankful. He couldn’t see just how red she was. Nor could he see the beads of sweat that had formed on her forehead. Was that a dream? It had felt fantastically real. She could even feel her insides convulsing from it.

 

“You were moaning like crazy, sweetheart!” Seth chuckled. “Were you dreaming about me again?”

 

Becca was glad she was an actress. Otherwise, her face might’ve given it away. No, it was most certainly not about Seth. Seth could never get her to do what she did with Josh. Ever. She bit on her lower lip and smiled sheepishly at her fiancé.

 

“Yes,” she lied and cleared her throat. “Yes, I was.”

 

“We could make that dream a reality,” Seth tugged at her arm and Becca could only succumb, even though she was not at all in the mood to have sex. No, she was in the mood…just not in the mood for Seth. Her mind raced as he began to make love to her. Kelly’s words haunted her from the other day. Do you still love him? No. She had to push it away. She had to focus. Seth was with her now. He was kissing her just like she liked. He was touching her in all the right places. It was perfect. Only, it wasn’t perfect. Because Josh knew how to do all of it better. Every single movement. Every single touch. Every single kiss. Becca closed her eyes and tried to be in the moment with Seth, but her mind was wandering back to that dream. Back to Josh inside of her.

 

“Baby, are you there yet?” Seth looked down at her, sweat pouring from him.

 

“Uh huh,” Becca could only think of Josh on top of her. Josh’s body. Josh’s voice. And she knew. She knew the answer to Kelly’s question.

 

Becca rolled away from Seth when they were finished, feigning sleep and closing her eyes. For some reason, she hadn’t felt guilty. She’d just made love to her fiancé while thinking of her ex-boyfriend. She should’ve felt extremely guilty. But she didn’t. Not one bit. She tried to think about Josh again, hoping that dream would come back to her as she drifted off to sleep, but it didn’t, and the next morning she knew she had to talk to him. She had to tell him the truth.

 

And then she had to break up with Seth.

 

“I was thinking we could go off this weekend,” Seth interrupted her thoughts as she sat in the living room drinking her coffee.

 

“Huh?” Becca snapped to attention. “Oh, um, I don’t think I can.”

 

“Why?” Seth came and sat down next to her, his hand rubbing her thigh. “I thought you didn’t have any work for a few weeks?”

 

That was true. Becca was in and out of professional theatre in Orlando and in three weeks she’d begin practicing for Proof. She had to think fast. Why couldn’t she go off with him this weekend? Other than the fact that she was probably going to be moving out of the house and back in with Josh and Dylan. And that made her ecstatic.

 

“Are you okay, sweetheart?” his hand moved to her face and stroked it with his fingers. “You’ve been acting off all morning.”

 

“I just think we need to stay here this weekend is all,” she replied, as nonchalantly as possible.

 

“Dylan’s at Josh’s for a whole week. You don’t want to take advantage of not having her around?”

 

Becca shot a look at him. The way he’d just said that made it sound like Dylan was some sort of a pest. “Not having her around?!” Becca snapped at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“Nothing. No, I didn’t mean it at all like you’re thinking, I was just saying, we have time to ourselves and we could get away. Maybe take one of those three day cruises out of Port Canaveral?” Seth moved closer to her. “You know it would be nice to get away. Just me and you.” He leaned in and kissed her. “And after last night, I’m certainly ready to have you all to myself again. You were amazing.”

 

Becca smiled but only because she knew she was thinking of Josh the whole time and was probably giving it her all. She looked at Seth and sighed. “I’ll think about it,” she told him, knowing that if things went the way she had hoped they would today, she wouldn’t need to worry about it either way.

 

“Good,” he stood up and pulled her up with him, kissing her once more. “I’ll see you later tonight.”

“Okay,” Becca said and watched as he walked out through the garage to get to his car.

 

She let out a shaky sigh, almost not believing all of it. Was that dream supposed to be prophetical or something? Was she supposed to have questioned it? All Becca knew was that it had forced her to realize who it was she loved and whom she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. And soon everything began to make sense. Josh had been in her life for longer than any other person next to her family. He had doubted her. He had smothered her at first. He had cheated on her. But at the end of the day, she knew. She knew she was supposed to be with him. Nobody else loved her like Josh had. He knew her inside and out and so much better than anyone else. And he was the father of their child. It just made sense.

 

She thought about all the times he’d told her he loved her. When he messed up, he was the first to admit it. There had been so many times that he’d apologized and wanted her back. He was jealous for her. He wanted her. He’d always wanted her. She’d just been too stupid and blind to see it. Even after Dylan. Even after all of his attempts to pursue her. Had she really told him once to stop pursuing her? How could she? How could she ever think that he didn’t love her? And how could she have ever wanted to be away from him when he’d moved back to L.A. Yes, Dylan was a big part of that. She didn’t want their daughter to grow up in the fast paced environment and they’d both been happy in Orlando. But Becca knew that she was selfish. Josh had been, too, and he would be the first to admit it. If they were smart about it, they would have found a compromise to be in the same place. And right now, Becca would do anything to be with him. Yes, even uproot Dylan and move back to California. 

 

She got ready slowly that morning making sure to put the right touches of make up on her face. Wearing the fragrance of perfume that she knew drove him crazy. She wore her hair down and scrunched her curls the way he liked it. She looked at herself in the mirror and couldn’t help but grin. She hadn’t felt this free in years. Her spirit soared inside of her, thinking of what was coming. How she would tell him, she didn’t know. All she knew was that she was going to tell him today. As she drove towards his house, she felt giddy inside, like all of the times years ago when she’d step off the plane and run into his arms after having been apart for weeks on end. There wasn’t any doubt that this was the right thing to do. This time, she knew. She knew it was for certain that they were going to be together again.

 

 

Josh sat on his back porch and lazily ate a piece of toast. He’d dropped off Dylan at school and as excited as he was to have her to himself for a week, his mind had been on the conversation he’d had with Becca a few days before. She had broken on the phone. He hadn’t heard her so upset in years. Lately, she’d barely spoken to him when he picked up Dylan or she dropped Dylan off at his house. They were cordial but that was it. He wondered how it had ever gotten to that. They were pros at arguing, there was no question there. The fights they’d gotten into when they were younger were stupid. He shouldn’t have been so jealous of Nick Carter, for god’s sake. She and Nick didn’t even speak anymore and after he’d sat back and thought about it, he knew they’d only been friends by circumstance. Nothing more, nothing less. All of the relationships either of them had with other people had been for nothing more than sex and companionship. He knew that when he and Becca had been together, it was for real. Nobody else could make him feel that way.

 

He wondered now if it was too late. He wondered if their conversation had just been nothing more than Becca venting and getting out her frustration. The thought of Dylan having to be raised like she was being raised made him sick at his stomach. And the thought of her having to be in the house with that lying bastard, Seth, made it even worse. How could Becca be so blind? How could she not see that he, Josh, would care for her and love her more than anyone else ever could? It was stubbornness and he knew it.

 

The doorbell broke his train of thought and Josh put his toast down and went inside to answer it.

“Hi,” Becca greeted him, her voice shaking, her arms folded in front of her chest. She was breathing and that’s all that had mattered to her. When she’d turned onto his street, her heart had started to beat so loud she was praying he wouldn’t hear it. Her nerves welled up inside of her and she had no idea what she was going to say to him now. Him. Josh. The man she loved. He was standing right in front of her.

 

“Becca!” Josh broke into a grin and opened the door wider. “Come on in. Do you want coffee?” Josh felt as if he were talking a mile a minute. “Sit down. Or you can stand. Do you want to go outside?”

 

“Did you have speed this morning for breakfast?” Becca couldn’t help but tease him. He laughed and they locked eyes. This time, Becca didn’t break her stare. “No. We can sit in here. That’s fine.” She took a seat on the couch and he sat across from her.

 

“This is a surprise,” Josh finally said, resting his arm on the back of the couch. “Never thought you’d just drop by out of the blue.”

 

Becca looked down at her hands and then up at him again. “Yeah, well, there’re a lot of things I never thought I’d do in these last 10 years.”

 

Josh didn’t say anything, just waited for her to continue. He wondered what all of this had to mean. Why she was here. Why she seemed somewhat nervous and giddy all at the same time.

 

She sighed, cleared her throat, and continued. “So, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately,” she began. “A lot of thinking. I know I cried to you on the phone the other day. I’m sorry for that, but I think you probably guessed that things weren’t so great with Seth.”

 

“I didn’t know what to think,” Josh replied, shifting on the couch. “I just wanted you to be okay. I think that’s all that was going through my head. Are you okay? And why aren’t things great with Seth?” He glanced at her left hand. Her engagement ring was still intact.

 

“Well, I’m starting to understand why Dylan isn’t such a fan. I’m pretty sure Seth just puts up with her,” Becca twisted her ring around on her finger. “The other day he mentioned her going to boarding school-“

 

“Over my dead body,” Josh interrupted.

“Oh, I know. Don’t worry. It’s not happening,” Becca assured him. “And it’s other stuff, too.” She took a breath. She was about to go for it. She was going to tell him she loved him. Calculating each word over in her head, she sighed once more and continued. “Like the fact that I don’t even know if I love him. Or if I ever loved him. Like the fact that last night, I was thinking about someone else when we were having sex.” She looked right into Josh’s eyes and he didn’t blink. “Like the fact that I’m an idiot and have been in love with you since I was 22.”

 

He said nothing, only stared at her in disbelief. Had he heard right? And was this really happening? Was this a prank? Was Ashton Kutcher outside Punking him?

 

“Josh?” Becca reached over and touched his leg. “Did you hear me?”

 

“Yeah. Yeah, sorry, Becca, I just, I can’t believe it,” he let out a shaky breath. “I-I mean. Wow. Wow.” He rubbed his face with his hands and then looked back at her. She was sitting across from him and smiling subtly, waiting for him to say something. “So can I ask what this means now?”

 

She moved closer to him on the couch and put her hand on his arm, moving it down and linking her fingers through his. “It means that I’m breaking up with Seth. And it means that I want to be with you. For good,” she looked at their fingers intertwined and then back at him. “I love you, Josh. I know that these last few years have been awful for both of us. And I’ll do whatever it takes so that we’re on the same side of the continent. I’ll move back to L.A. I’ll move back to New York. I’ll move to Africa if that’s where you want to go.”

 

“Come here,” he pulled her into his lap and soon they began to kiss like the two lost lovers that they were. “I’ve missed you, baby. So much.” His lips trailed from hers to her jawline, and then to her neck. Becca ran her hands through his hair and then took his face in her hands, looking down at him and slowly lifting her blouse over her head. He watched as she reached behind her and let her bra slip off of her body and land in a puddle between them. She leaned back and pulled him on top of her, watching him as his lips trailed down her stomach. Her heart beat faster, she felt completely at ease with him like this.

 

He lifted himself up long enough to pull his shirt over his head and she helped him undo his jeans and dragged them off of him. She took his hand and placed it on her breast, locking eyes with him and smiling seductively at him.

 

“Oh, you like to tell me what to do now, huh?” he growled, his lips touching hers as he stroked her breast slowly.

Becca could only slightly chuckle at him and arched her back, her legs wrapping around his waist. She watched him tug the hem of her underwear and cleaved to him as he slid gradually into her.

 

“You feel so good, baby,” she whispered, holding onto him. “Mmm.” She let herself go and turned him on with her sighs and groans of complete pleasure. How had she ever been with anyone else but Josh? How could she ever think that anyone else would compare? She moved with him so easily. Like they were always meant to fit this way.

 

Josh rested his chin on her chest a few minutes later, looking at her and lazily kissing her as they began to breath steadily again. “I can’t believe this is really happening,” he said softly. “I never thought you’d be with me like this ever again.”

 

Becca played with his hair and smiled at him. “Me either. But it just makes sense. I can’t be with anyone but you, Josh. You’re it,” He reached up to peck her lips softly and then rested his head on her once more. “I do have to go at some point and break off the engagement.”

 

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” he snickered.

 

“And move my things back here,”

 

“Yet another brilliant idea,”

 

“And we have to pick up Dylan today,”

 

Josh couldn’t help but grin at that. “She’s going to be crazy excited,”

 

Becca sluggishly began to move off of the couch.

 

“Don’t go,” he tugged at her arm as she started to get dressed. “We were just starting to have fun!”

 

Becca laughed at him. “We’ll have fun tonight. I promise,” she bent to kiss him. “I need to talk to Seth and get everything out of his house.”

 

Josh stood with her and pulled her back into his arms. “I’ll be waiting,”

 

“You’d better be,” Becca kissed him hard on the mouth. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

 

He walked Becca to the door and kissed her once more. This time, there was no pain in his chest. No regrets. Nothing. Because he knew she’d be back in his arms that night.

Becca walked out of Seth’s house, her suitcase already in the car. She carried a box of her stuff in one arm and a small suitcase filled with a few of Dylan’s clothes. The talk with Seth was miserable. It had hurt to tell himwhat she had to tell him, because she did care about her ex-fiance. She’d been with him for two years and they’d shared a lot. But she knew it wasn’t fair to him to keep being in a relationship that wasn’t benefitting either of them in the end. Seth had yelled at her, he’d tried to tell her she was being ridiculous and having second thoughts. It was only when she removed the ring and placed it on the dresser that he knew she was serious. He finally retreated and walked away from her, slamming the door to his office and not saying a final goodbye. As much of a jerk as Becca had felt like when she was talking to him, her heart soared as she loaded the car and began to think about how she and Josh were really going to start over now. For good. For keeps. Nothing was standing in their way anymore.

 

She pulled out into the street and put her blinker on to get back in I-4. She started to think about Dylan’s face lighting up when she saw her parents arriving to pick her up together. That had never happened before and then when they told Dylan they were together, it would only bring more elation for their daughter. The light turned green and Becca went to turn on the ramp.

 

The semi truck hit her before she even had a chance to realize what had happened.

 

Josh had never sped anywhere as fast as he had sped to the hospital. The call had come just fifteen minutes ago but it had felt like an eternity by the time he entered the mass chaos of the ER. He’d called Joey and Kelly and somehow was able to get out in a complete sentence that Becca had been in an accident could they please pick up Dylan from school. He hadn’t waited for their response, simply hung up on Kelly and continued to drive. He cursed at every single driver in his way and upon entering the parking lot of the hospital continued his rant. His heart raced and he tried to piece together the phone call from the medic on the scene. “Accident…hit on impact…car totaled…name of emergency person…Florida Hospital…”

 

The ER was impossible to navigate, but somehow, he found an attendant, told them the situation, and was brought back into a waiting area. He couldn’t sit but he couldn’t stand either. He pulled his phone out and wanted to call someone, but he didn’t know who. He couldn’t even form a thought that made sense. All he wanted to know was that Becca would be OK. And the fact that she’d put him down as her emergency contact so many years ago and never changed it made more sense than ever before after their conversation. It had only been a few short hours ago that they’d made love and she told him she’d be back in his arms that night. His heart ached. He wanted to see her. He had to see her. She had to be okay.

 

“Mr. Chasez?” a doctor interrupted his train of thought and Josh looked up suddenly to see one of the ER doctors standing in the doorway of the waiting room. He nodded and walked over to him.

 

“I’m Josh Chasez,” Josh’s voice shook and he tried to control himself. He couldn’t freak out. He knew all too well that these doctors were doing all that was in their power to make sure Becca made it out of the ER.

 

“Miss Sebastian is in a coma. We’re moving her to the ICU. Right now she has a fractured rib and we’re not sure if there is brain damage or not. Her left arm is broken in three places and there were shards of glass that had to be extracted from her neck so she’s lost a lot of blood. If I were you, I’d contact her family or anyone else you might think needs to know. We understand her celebrity status and are doing our best to keep this under the radar,” the doctor looked at Josh, a painful expression on his face. “I’m really sorry. We’re doing all we can to make sure Miss Sebastian is comfortable and stable. And we’re doing everything in our power to make sure she stays with us.”

 

Josh had only caught snippets of what the doctor had said. All he could gather was that Becca could be on the verge of death and that he needed to make sure her family knew. Somehow, he couldn’t cry just yet. He wouldn’t. She was still there, she was alive, and she was a fighter. Becca was always a fighter. He could only nod slowly at the doctor then he turned away and pulled out his cell phone. His hand shook as he made the call to her parents, then to Joey and Kelly, and finally, to Seth. He’d been her fiancé for god’s sake. He needed to know. He sat alone in the waiting room until a nurse told him he could move upstairs to the ICU wing. Becca’s parents had been hysterical and said they would catch the first flight out that was possible. Joey and Kelly weren’t going to say anything to Dylan just yet, they were going to have her spend the night with Briahna and tomorrow Josh would drive over and let her know, in the most sensitive way he could, about her mother. As for Seth, he hadn’t said much, but did say he would stop by the hospital at some point. So Josh waited. Alone.

 

Two hours later, he woke himself up from a nap and looked around the empty waiting room. He rubbed his eyes and stood to go and find coffee, and hopefully an answer or two more from someone in the ICU. Instead, he found Seth walking toward him, carrying a box, expressionless. Josh waved awkwardly and went to meet him, wondering if Seth would punch him in the face. He didn’t know how much Becca had told him. He was praying she hadn’t mentioned sleeping with him right before breaking off the engagement, otherwise there might be one more casualty in the ICU.

 

“I didn’t come to talk to you,” Seth muttered, shoving the box in Josh’s arms. “But I found these letters hidden in the bottom of my closet. They’re all for you. I won’t go into all of what I’d like to say to you right now, but I’d appreciate it if you’d at least keep me posted on her condition or what you know.” Seth sounded almost robotic as he spoke to Josh and wouldn’t look him in the eye, something Josh found off-putting.

 

“Yeah,” Josh cleared his throat. “Yeah, no problem. I was just going to find a doctor to let me know if there’d been any change-“

 

“Mr. Chasez?” as if on cue, a doctor walked up behind him and Josh and Seth both faced him. “I’m Dr. Haverwood. I’m Rebecca’s doctor. Could I have a word with you?” He looked over at Seth. “In private?”

 

“Sure. But would it be okay if he-“ Josh motioned at Seth “-came along? He’s um, he’s good friends with Becca. Rebecca.” Josh was trying to sound as professional as he could with this doctor, but he was stumbling over words. And he knew he had to at least inquire about Seth joining. He already felt like somewhat of an ass for stealing his fiancé.

 

The doctor shook his head. “No, I’m afraid not. You can fill him in. Follow me,”

 

Josh cautiously handed the box of letters back to Seth and shrugged apologetically before he followed Dr. Haverwood behind the automatic door that led into the ICU unit. It was filled with nurses briskly walking in and out of rooms and about eight rooms all with their blinds drawn. A woman walked out of one room dabbing her eyes with a tissue and shaking her head. An older couple was standing outside of another arguing with the doctor about how many painkillers their friend should be taking. Dr. Haverwood faced Josh and looked grim. Josh braced himself for the worse.

 

“She’s still in a coma. She’s lost a lot of blood and that’s our main concern right now. There’s been no brain damage but she took quite the hit. We’re going to keep her here overnight and run a few tests tomorrow morning. Have you contacted her family?” the doctor asked, looking down at the tablet in his hands.

 

“Yes. They’re on their way,” Josh replied. “We have an eight-year-old daughter-“

 

“I would advise you use careful language with her. There’s no need to get her too upset. And we always caution young children from being here. I think seeing her mother with tubes all over her body might frighten and do more harm,” it was almost as though Dr. Haverwood had read Josh’s mind.

 

“Okay,” Josh nodded, then took a breath before he asked the next question. “Can I see her?”

 

Dr. Haverwood smiled gently and nodded. He was an older man and Josh could tell he’d been in this business a long time. Long enough especially to know how to handle delicate situations like this one. He followed him over to one of the rooms located next to the nurse’s station. Dr. Haverwood put his hand on Josh’s arm. “I’m just warning you to prepare yourself. She doesn’t look like you probably know her, okay?”

 

“Got it,” Josh almost whispered.

 

Dr. Haverwood led him into the room and Josh’s breath was taken away. Becca was tied up to every possible machine she could be tied up to. Her hair was blood-stained, her left arm in a cast, and bruises lined her entire frame as though they were part of her make-up. Her eyes were a purpleish shade of grey from hitting the dashboard of the car. She didn’t look like Becca at all.

 

“I’ll give you five minutes,” Dr. Haverwood tapped Josh’s arm and then left. Josh slowly walked over to the bedside and knelt down next to her. He took her hand in his and cringed at how swollen it felt to the touch. He smoothed out the hair on her forehead, his fingers circling around her face gently.

 

“Hi,” he finally said, wondering if she even heard him. He knew when people were in a coma, it meant they were unconscious for the most part, but he’d also heard countless stories of patients who could hear their loved ones talking to them. “Becca, I’m here, baby. I’m here, okay?” he said gently, stroking her hand in his. “And you’re going to be fine. You’re going to get out of this. Because Dylan and me need you, baby. We need you here with us.” He stopped and looked at her, as though she could respond or even would respond. She lay there, asleep and unconscious to anything around her. He squeezed her hand. “I love you, Bec. I never stopped loving you and when you wake up, we’re going to make this whole thing official. Okay?” he said it so firmly that he expected her to wake up once more. He couldn’t move. He just sat and stared at her. Even with all of the tubes and the bruises and bloodstains, he still thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. He leaned over her and lightly kissed her forehead. “I love you. I’ll be back soon,” he whispered and stepped out of the hospital room.

 

Dr. Haverwood met him outside. “I’ll keep you posted as much as I can throughout this evening and tonight. I think the hospital has your number?” he asked Josh as they walked back toward waiting room.

“Yes,” Josh answered, still thinking about Becca alone in that room, tubes tied all over her. “Dr. Haverwood, is there any way I could stay with her? I just hate for her to be alone in there if she were to wake up.”

 

“I’m sorry, Josh. We can’t allow that,” Dr. Haverwood shook his head. “Please know that we will be on call 24 hours around her bedside. And we’ll be in touch with you with any news.”

 

Josh only nodded, running a hand through his hair, and then squeezing the back of his neck. When he got to the waiting room, Joey was sitting across from Seth and texting something on his phone. He looked up to see Josh and stood to greet his friend. Seth sat there and eyed them both without saying a word.

 

“How is she? How are you?” Joey asked Josh, patting his shoulder.

 

“She’s…she’s asleep,” Josh sighed, shaking his head. “She’s lost a lot of blood. They want to run tests and they’ll let us know something tomorrow.”

 

“I brought you food. It’s here if you want to eat it,” Joey handed him a take-out bag from Pei Wei.

 

Josh shook his head. “Not right now,” he sat down next to where Joey had been sitting and caught Seth’s eye. “I’ll call you as soon as I hear something,” he told Seth, who just shrugged nonchalantly.

 

“Fine,” Seth stood and put the box of letters in Josh’s lap. “Happy reading.” With that, he left the room and Joey looked from the path Seth took back to Josh.

 

“What the hell was that?” he asked, as Josh began sifting through the letters in the box.

 

“She and Seth broke up today. Because she realized she loved me,” Josh began. “And then she got in the car accident I’m assuming after she told Seth because he wasn’t too thrilled with me when he got here. But he brought this box of letters from Becca to me and she’d hidden them at his house. I don’t know. All I know is that this morning Becca was in my arms and now she’s here and we’re not even certain she’ll make it.”

 

“Whoa,” Joey breathed. “C, I’m really sorry, man. That’s crazy.”

“We were going to pick Dylan up today. Together,” Josh said as though he were reminding himself. He suddenly broke from his thought and looked at Joey. “How is she? What did you tell her?”

 

“All we said is that you and Becca had a few things to work out and you would see her tomorrow,” Joey assured him. He checked his watch. “It’s almost eight. I told Kelly I’d be back by nine to help her get the girls situated. Do you want a ride home?”

 

“No,” Josh replied, shaking his head. “My car’s here. I’m just going to sit tight for a while.”

 

Joey stood and looked down at his friend. “Eat something, dude. And try to get some sleep. I’ll be back first thing tomorrow morning, okay?”

 

Josh was about to respond when his phone buzzed. He nodded at Joey, who took that as his cue to leave, and then answered his phone.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Josh, it’s Becca’s mom. We’re about to take off from Nashville. Couldn’t get any earlier flights. How is she?!”

 

“I just talked to the doctor,” Josh sighed, leaning back in his chair. “She’s in ICU and is in a coma. She lost a lot of blood and has a broken arm. They’re running tests. I’m here at the hospital. Do you need me to get you from the airport?”

 

“No, we’re renting a car. We’ll see you as soon as we can get there,” Mrs. Sebastian said frantically. “Josh, please tell her we love her! Tell her we’re on our way, okay?”

 

“I promise,” Josh replied. “See you soon.” He hung up the phone and rested his head against the wall behind the chair he was plopped in. He looked down at the box in his hand and was amazed at how many letters there were from Becca to him. Some were in addressed envelopes that had never been mailed. Others were folded on notebook paper and a few on napkins. There had to have been over fifty of them. He took one out at random and began to read it:

 

Feb 4, 2001

Dear Josh,

I’m sitting on the set right now and wish you were going to be at my house when we finished. The baby has been kicking me a lot today and I want you here so you can feel how awesome it is. I miss you so much. I can’t wait til I see you again. Hey, I think we should talk about names. What do you think of Sierra? Or Camdyn? I just want her to have a fun, unique name. I have to go. We’re about to shoot another scene.

I love you so much.

xoxo

Becca.

 

Josh chuckled out loud. He remembered when she’d mentioned Sierra and Camdyn to him. He had immediately vetoed them. Picking out another letter, he continued to read. It was like going back in time and watching their relationship through her eyes.

 

January 26, 2003

 

Josh,

I saw your video today with Tara. I hope you’re happy with her. She’s really pretty. Also, this is a bunch of bullshit. I don’t hope you’re happy. She looks really trashy. And I miss you. Is that crazy? Probably. But it’s true. I miss you, Josh.

xoxo

Becca.

 

Josh couldn’t believe it. They were like small diary entries that she’d never let anyone see. She’d simply written them down and thrown them aside, probably never guessing he’d ever see them. He couldn’t believe she’d kept them all after this long. He couldn’t stop. He wanted to read more.

 

July 10, 2009

 

Josh,

Why I’m even writing this to you in the first place is beyond me. I guess I just write you all the time now whenever I’m frustrated or wish you were still around to help me figure out life. I’ve been with Seth for two years now. Two. Longer than you or I were ever together. Things are going so great and I don’t want to mess it up. It’s just that something is really off. I don’t know what it is. Or I guess I should say I didn’t know what it was until last night. We were in bed –sorry, I know that’s probably too much info-and all I wanted was you. I miss you so much it hurts but I don’t know why I still do. You cheated on me and you hurt me and you never trusted me when we first started dating. I get so mad thinking about it sometimes. And now we have this amazing kid who will never know what it’s like to have us together. I wish she got to see us before we fucked this up. I take responsibility, too, Josh. I know I messed up. I didn’t want to try with you anymore. I wish I had now. I really wish I had never told you I didn’t need you. Because I do need you. Dylan needs you. I guess this is all stupid, isn’t it? I’m with Seth and I’m happy and I don’t want to confuse Dylan even more than I already have.

Becca.

 

Josh read that one over and over again. He knew that that morning all she’d told him had been brewing for a while. In fact, it had never stopped from the moment they’d laid eyes on each other.

 

She had to wake up. She had to. Because if she didn’t, the last ten years would come spiraling down and there would be nothing left to salvage any of it.

“She’s perfect,” Becca kissed her baby daughter’s forehead. “Josh, look at her. Isn’t she beautiful?”

 

Josh was laying next to Becca in the hospital bed, one arm around her and the other caressing Becca’s hand, which was clutched around their daughter.

 

“She’s amazing,” he bent down to kiss his baby’s forehead and then Becca’s cheek. “You really like Dylan?”

 

“Yeah. It’s spunky. And fun. And I think she’ll be both of those things,” Becca smiled at her baby, who stretched out her little hand and yawned. “We made her, Josh. Can you believe it? We did this!” Becca chuckled and shook her head in amazement at just how perfect their little baby girl was.

 

…..

 

“Say ‘Mama’,” Becca coaxed Dylan, who was sitting in her high chair and playing with her teething ring. “C’mon, Dylan. Ma-ma. You said Da-da. You can say Mama!” She looked at her eight-month-old intently. The week before, Dylan had said her first word and it had been “Da-da” right at the moment Josh had walked into the room. Becca was determined to get her to say “Mama” as well.

 

“I don’t think forcing it helps,” Josh mentioned, watching from the kitchen table. They were at his house in Orlando for Christmas and he was enjoying watching Becca’s interactions with Dylan, who was all but ignoring her mother’s attempts at saying a new word.

 

“Shut up,” Becca ignored Josh and continued to work with her baby. “C’mon, baby girl. Ma-ma.”

 

“Daaaa-da!” Dylan cooed and smiled at her mother.

 

Becca and Josh both burst out laughing. “Well, at least you’re talking,” Becca sighed and leaned in to kiss Dylan’s chubby cheek.

 

……

 

“She’s walking,” Becca said into the phone. “She took four steps today and then fell.”

 

“That’s awesome,” Josh sounded disappointed and Becca felt terrible that he hadn’t been there to see her take her first steps.

 

“I’m sorry. I just wanted you to know,” Becca mumbled.

 

“It’s okay,” Josh sighed. “It’s just the way it has to be.”

 

……

 

“You feel so good, baby,” she whispered, holding onto him. “Mmm.” She let herself go and turned him on with her sighs and groans of complete pleasure. How had she ever been with anyone else but Josh? How could she ever think that anyone else would compare? She moved with him so easily. Like they were always meant to fit this way.

 

Josh rested his chin on her chest a few minutes later, looking at her and lazily kissing her as they began to breath steadily again. “I can’t believe this is really happening,” he said softly. “I never thought you’d be with me like this ever again.”

 

Becca played with his hair and smiled at him. “Me either. But it just makes sense. I can’t be with anyone but you, Josh. You’re it….”

 

Becca heard voices. She’d heard her name. But she couldn’t wake up. It was impossible. Once or twice she’d seen a white light but had ignored it and tried to go back. Back to Josh. Back to Dylan. She wanted to be with her family more than ever. It was dark and cold wherever she was.

 

Josh watched Becca intently. Her mouth was moving, her eyes looked as though they might open any second. He held her hand and softly said her name over and over again. He’d been at the hospital now for three days straight. The only time he’d left was to go and let Dylan know that Mommy had been in a bad accident and right now she had to stay with doctors. He assured her everything would be okay eventually, but right now she was going to have to stay with Uncle Joey and Aunt Kelly. Dylan had wailed into Josh’s arms when he told her and his heart broke. He still hadn’t cried and didn’t want to let his daughter see him weak. But holding her against him, he felt tears about to overflow and managed to shake them off, wiping his eyes before Dylan knew he was upset. He hadn’t left Becca’s side since then. Her mother and father took turns coming in and out, but the way Becca looked had been so upsetting that it was hard for them to look at her like she was. But Josh refused to leave. He slept in the waiting room, he ate as much as he could eat in the cafeteria, and he watched her, hoping for any sign that she would soon wake up.

 

A nurse came in to adjust her IV and Josh watched as Becca made no sudden motions or jerks to let him know she felt anything.

 

“She was just moving her lips around and her eyes looked like they were about to open,” he told the nurse.

 

“She’s dreaming,” the nurse smiled at him and continued to adjust the IV. “They can do that in a coma. Doesn’t mean she’s about to wake up, but it’s a good sign.” She walked over to the other side to fluff the pillow Becca was resting on. “Do you need anything, Mr. Chasez?”

 

I need her to wake up. I need her to come back to me, Josh thought to himself.

 

He shook his head and looked at Becca again. “No. I’m okay,” he told her and forced a small smile. The nurse nodded and left the room again. Josh knelt closer to Becca and continued to stroke her hand. The swelling had gone down and the blood tests revealed that although she’d lost a lot of blood, her brain hadn’t swelled and there was no brain damage. But if or when she woke up, she would be in an extreme amount of pain.

“Hey,” he said to her, as though she were able to speak in return. “Dylan made you a picture at school yesterday. Your mom is bringing it with her to the hospital. And she misses you so much, baby. She talks about you all the time. I want to bring her up here, but I don’t think you’d want her to see you like you are.” He sighed and brought her hand to his lips, kissing it softly. “We were dumb, Becca. I was dumb. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder.” He told her this everyday. “I love you, baby. I don’t want to know what it would be like to live without you.” His throat tightened and he didn’t want to let it out, but seeing her like this after three days, he finally relented. A sob escaped his lips and he rested his head on her arm. “Becca, you have to get out of this. You’re so close! Just wake up! Wake up, Becca!”

 

“Josh?” Becca’s mother was standing in the doorway. “Josh, why don’t you go home and take a shower and get a real sleep.”

 

“Because I don’t want her to wake up and for me not to be there,” his voice was hoarse. “I want her to know I was here the whole time and I never left her.”

 

“She will, Josh,” Mrs. Sebastian touched his arm. “But you’re not sleeping and you need to take a break. Please, dear. It’s for the best.”

 

“No,” Josh was unyielding. “I can’t.” He looked back at Becca and reached up to move a piece of stray hair from her face, then bent down to gently kiss her cheek. He took his place once more next to her bedside and watched her stagnantly breathing.

 

“But I miss Daddy,” Dylan sniffed, as Becca tucked her in the evening that Josh had flown back to California. “Why did he have to go?”

 

“Because his job is in L.A., baby doll,” Becca replied, pulling the covers over Dylan. “And my work is here.”

 

“Mommy, can we go see Daddy soon?” Dylan’s eyes were filled with big alligator like tears that ran down her cheeks. “Please?”

 

“Of course,” Becca kissed her cheek. “I promise we’ll see him as soon as we can, okay?” She squeezed Dylan’s hand and then walked out of the room, turning the light off as she left. She stood outside the door and already missed him.

 

The room she was in was getting warmer. She could hear his voice. And was that her mother? She desperately wanted to open her eyes. And then, in an instant, the room turned ice cold once more. Commotion. Screaming. Crying. Josh crying. Her mother calling her name.

 

“Becca!” Josh grasped for her, the heart monitor speeding up. “Becca, don’t do this! You are not leaving me!” He was almost yelling at the top of his lungs.

 

“She’s losing blood flow to the brain,” the nurse told Dr. Haverwood, who had come in to see if he could stabilize her.

 

“I was afraid this might happen,” he shook his head and then looked over at Josh. “Josh, you need to step out.”

 

“No, I can’t-“

 

“Now!” Dr. Haverwood was serious and Josh backed away and out of the room, watching from outside the window with her mother. They gripped one another and Josh said her name over and over again.

 

“No, no, Becca, don’t!” he said, as though she could hear him from outside the room.

 

The Today Show. The Four Seasons Bar. Cabo. Dylan. New York. L.A. London.

Josh’s house. Their house. Dylan’s purple room. Josh’s bed. Dylan. Josh. Dylan. Josh. The cold began to cease. The air around her began to warm. She felt peaceful.

 

“Becca!”

 

It was him. It was Josh. He was calling for her.

 

“Becca, baby, don’t give up. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. But you can’t leave me now. I don’t want to lose you!”

 

“I’m right here, Josh,”

 

Was she talking back to him? Was she dreaming? The room began to shed some light. Where was he? She still couldn’t see him.

 

“Becca. Becca, open your eyes for me. Please,”

She smiled. It was Josh! And the room was warm and bright and …..

 

“Josh?”

 

Josh laughed and cried as he saw her open her eyes and look at him. He rushed to her bedside and clasped her arm in both of his hands.

 

“Becca!” he sounded like a blubbering idiot he was sure as tears and spittle came flying across the room. He didn’t care. She was awake. That was all that mattered.

 

She looked at him, completely confused.  Her head pounded, her ribs felt as though someone had left a knife in them. She glanced down at her left arm and saw a huge cast wrapped around it. “Josh, what…happened? I don’t….know…” she could barely form any words, and Josh silenced her with a kiss.

 

“Shh,” he smoothed her hair with his hand. “Shh, baby. You got in a car accident three days ago. You were in a coma and were hurt and we almost lost you just now.”

 

“Dylan?” she questioned, not able to do anything but squeeze his hand that was firmly clasped with hers.

 

“She’s at Joey’s and Kelly’s,” he answered.

 

“Becca, honey,” her mother was on the other side of the bed with her father. They both began to talk to her at once but Becca turned back to look at Josh.

 

“Josh…can I….go…home?” she whispered. “With…you?” Her sentence was staggered and it took a lot for her to catch her breath.

 

“Yes,” he nodded. “But you have to stay here a little longer. And I’m going to stay with you. I promise. I’m not ever letting you get away from me again!”

 

Becca smiled and closed her eyes, then opened them wide again as the doctor and nurses began to change out tubes and adjust her bed so that she was able to lie comfortably and talk to her family. Her parents went on a mile a minute, and she would only be halfway listening because all she wanted at that moment was to be with Josh alone. Just letting him hold her hand and kiss her and whisper to her. Finally, her father pulled her mother away to go and get lunch from the cafeteria. Becca squeezed Josh’s hand and could only smile at him for now. The thought of having to talk made her even more exhausted.

 

“Do you want anything?” he asked her, moving his chair even closer to her bed. She shook her head. “Could you hear me talking to you? I talked to you everyday you were in here.” Becca nodded and smiled. Her eyes began to flutter and Josh let her nod off and on. He sat there watching her and making sure she was comfortable.

“Josh,” she whispered, her eyes closed.

 

“Yeah, honey?” he stroked her palm with his thumb.

 

“I love….you,” she sighed and turned her head to go to sleep.

 

Josh made sure she was sound asleep before he walked out of her room and went to call Dylan to tell her that Mommy was better. His heart was still racing. He’d nearly lost her. She was his life and had been for ten years now. He looked back at her hospital room and smiled with relief and much fatigue. She was going to be okay.

 

And he could go home and sleep.

 

One Week Later

 

“Mom, please, I’m fine!” Becca pushed her mother’s hand away from trying to fluff her pillow again. She’d been moved out of the ICU four days after waking up from her coma and was now on a regular floor in the hospital. Her ribs were still sore from the fracture and her arm would be in a cast for a good six weeks. Other than that, she felt better everyday and Dr. Haverwood had told Josh he could bring her home at the end of the week. Becca’s parents had stayed on and her mother had been at her side everyday, all day. Becca hadn’t minded at first, but once she began to gain strength, it became annoying to her, especially whenever Josh was around because all she wanted to do was talk to him. Her mother had been fluffing her pillow, getting her food, and was constantly around her bedside so much that Becca had had enough.

 

“Margie, I think she’s fine,” Becca’s father said from the other side of the room. “Leave her alone. Let’s go and pick up Dylan from school.” He stood from his chair and walked over to Mrs. Sebastian, who looked at Becca and then at her father.

 

“You’ll be okay?” she squeezed her daughter’s hand.

 

“Mom, yes, please, go. Josh and I need to talk anyway,” Becca sighed, leaning back against her pillow and looking over at Josh. He was sitting next to her and glanced at her mother, giving her a nervous smile. Mrs. Sebastian was a control freak and even though Becca was almost 33, still continued to try and treat her daughter as though she were 15 instead.

 

Becca’s father took a hold of her mother and led her out of the room. Once they were at the end of the hall, Becca smiled at Josh and sighed, squeezing his hand.

 

“Think you can fit in this bed with me?” she asked him, trying to move over, but she winced from the jab she felt in her ribs.

 

“Hey, hold on, baby. Don’t try to push yourself,” Josh bent down to kiss her lips softly. “I’ll just sit right here next to you, okay? We’ll worry about bed space when we get back to the house.”

 

They hadn’t really had much of a chance to talk to each other about anything since she’d woken up. Most of the time in ICU had been spent sleeping off and on and whenever she was awake, her mother tended to take up all of her time. All Becca knew was that she wanted to go home with Josh and start all over again with him and Dylan. She beamed whenever he was around, but with her mother constantly nagging her, she didn’t really get a chance to talk to him about anything, much less their future as a couple.

 

“So,” Josh brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. “The day of your accident, Seth stopped by the hospital.” Becca cringed, but Josh shook his head. “No, it’s fine, honey. He just wanted to check on you. I mean, he wasn’t exactly thrilled to see me, but he did want to know if you were okay.”

 

“Did he ever come back?” Becca wanted to know.

 

Josh thought about that. Seth had come back a few times, but the last time, he’d met Josh at the window of Becca’s room, looking in on her. Seth hadn’t been allowed in the room, but the doctors gave him permission to go to the window and at least look in on her. Josh had been watching as a nurse changed her bedclothes and adjusted the IV in Becca’s wrist. He looked over and Seth was standing next to him, watching her just as intently.

 

“It’s always been you,” Seth had told Josh. “I knew it even when we got engaged. Whenever Dylan talked about you, there was just something in Becca’s eyes that told me she was still in love with you.”

 

Josh hadn’t said anything, only continued to watch Becca.

 

“So, I’m leaving. I don’t know what the outcome will be with her, but I can’t hang around here and watch the woman I love wake up to someone else,” Seth finished. “Just let her know I was here, okay?”

 

“I will,” Josh said, without breaking his gaze. “You have my word.”

 

He snapped back to attention and looked at Becca. “Yeah,” he cleared his throat. “Yeah, he came by right before you came out of the coma. He told me to tell you that he was here. He told me that he knew it had always been me, even when you got engaged.”

 

Becca looked away from Josh and down at her cast. “I guess I’m not a good actress after all,” she said softly and chuckled, then surveyed him before speaking again. “I’ve always known I loved you. I just didn’t want to admit that to myself. I was tired of playing the game we had going and so I just gave up.”

 

“We were stupid, Becca. We didn’t know,” Josh caressed her chin with his thumb. “But all of that’s over now. And in two days, you get to come home with me.”

 

Becca grinned at that and caught his thumb with her lips. “Why did it take us 10 years, baby?” she questioned aloud, as Josh clasped his hand with hers and leaned toward her, so their faces were only inches from one another. He kissed her softly before he answered her question.

 

“I think with us, it just worked best that way,” he replied, touching his forehead with hers. “If I could take it all back, I would’ve never, ever mentioned Nick Carter in the first place.”

 

Becca had to laugh out loud at that comment. “For real, Joshua!”

 

“Hey, I knew what I had and I didn’t want him to take it from me,” Josh said, his face still close to hers. They were silent for a moment. “You scared me last week. I have never been so terrified about losing anyone like I was with you.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Becca assured him. “I promise.”

 

“And you’re not worried about all of our fighting?” Josh asked her, knowing it was a concern in the past.

 

“It’s part of our charm, baby,” she teased him.

 

Dylan did not enjoy going up to the hospital to see her mother. She thought it smelled funny and the only good thing about it was the gift shop. She hated going in with her grandmother, who fussed about her as though she were still a baby. All Dylan wanted was her mother to get out of the hospital and be back at her house with her father. And she wanted her grandmother to go back to Tennessee so it would just be the three of them. She hadn’t ever felt like that with her father’s parents. In fact, she often asked to go and visit them in Maryland every so often. But her mother’s parents had yet to learn how to treat an almost nine-year-old.

 

“And did you have a fun day at school?” her grandmother was asking as they walked into the hospital.

 

“Yeah,” Dylan muttered, clutching her backpack. She had another picture she and Briahna had colored yesterday when Dylan had had a playdate.

 

“Yes ma’am,” her grandmother emphasized this ‘yes ma’am’ and ‘no ma’am’ and Dylan was quite confused by it. She’d once heard her mother tell her grandmother that it wasn’t the South and it wasn’t 1950. Dylan hadn’t understood what that meant, but she knew enough to know that her mother didn’t care whether or not she ‘yes ma’amed’ or ‘no ma’amed’ her grandmother.

 

Dylan said nothing, only followed the familiar path to the elevators and waited as patiently as she could for them to open. Her grandmother was holding her hand and Dylan wanted to let go of it and be free to walk onto the elevator like the big girl that she was. She knew, though, that once they were off, she could see her parents and seeing them together had been the one thing that made the hospital a better place.

 

“Hi, Mom!” Dylan greeted her mother, who was still lying in the big, white bed and dressed in a blue and white speckled hospital gown. She released herself from the grip her grandmother had had on her hand and ran towards her father, who lifted her onto his lap so that Dylan was able to kiss Becca.

 

“Hey, you,” Becca tried to hug her daughter, but it was pointless. Her ribs were still too sore.

 

“It’s okay, Mom. I’ll give you a really big hug in a few weeks!” Dylan promised. She showed Becca the picture that she and Briahna had made. “Look. I made this for you yesterday.”

 

Becca took the picture from Dylan and smiled warmly at her. “It’s beautiful, sweetie,” she told her daughter, and placed it on the tray next to her bed.

 

“When you get out, we get to all go back to Daddy’s house, right?” Dylan asked, after a few minutes of small conversation with Becca’s parents.

 

“Right,” Becca nodded. “And this time, we’re not moving out.”

 

“Do you think you should rush into that?” Mrs. Sebastian suddenly spoke up and Josh and Becca threw a look at her that signified her to shut up. She didn’t seem to get the indication. “You two have been through an awful lot of mess the last few years. Don’t you think, Becca, perhaps you and Dylan should get an apartment and then move in with Josh? You know, once you are sure this is going to work.”

 

“I’ve never been more sure of anything,” Becca answered, looking from her mother to Josh and back again. “And this isn’t really a conversation I want to have in front of Dylan.”

 

Mrs. Sebastian pursed her lips together. “Josh, what do your parents think of this?”

 

“My parents think that we’re adults and we can decide for ourselves,” Josh was firm, but also tried to be respectful. Becca’s mother had never really been a fan of him and he’d given up trying to prove himself after they’d first dated in the beginning.

 

“I don’t want to see my granddaughter hurt in this,” Mrs. Sebastian replied, almost haughtily. “And you tend to do a good job of that when you two get together.”

 

“Mom, that’s enough!” Becca’s voice held a warning tone to it. “It’s not your decision.”

 

“Yeah,” Dylan spoke up from Josh’s lap. “And I’m not hurt by it!”

 

Mrs. Sebastian grimaced and sighed, looking away and ignoring the scene in front of her that Becca knew any other mother might be grateful to see. A daughter that almost died, realizing that she was in love with the father of her child. They were alive. They were healthy. And all Mrs. Sebastian was really worried about was the fact that she’d have to go back to Nashville and tell her friends that her daughter was “living in sin” with the ex-boyfriend.

 

“I’m going to get coffee,” she huffed, and turned on her heel, leaving Becca’s father standing there alone. She looked behind her and groaned. “Fred, come on!” Dutifully, Mr. Sebastian nodded his head, but then looked at Becca and Josh.

 

“You two are beautiful together. And I couldn’t be more proud,” he said softly, before following his wife down to the cafeteria.

 

Becca looked at Josh and Dylan and smiled contentedly at them. “So, Dyl, what else have you done this week?”

 

“Mom, does Grandma not want you and Daddy to get together?” Dylan ignored her mother’s question, asking one of her own. “I mean Uncle Joey and Aunt Kelly are together. And I have a lot of friends who live with both of their parents. Why doesn’t Grandma want us to all live together, too?”

 

Becca reached over to touch Dylan’s small hand. “Baby, Grandma is Grandma. That’s all I can say. All that matters is that on Friday, I’m getting out of here and me and you and Daddy are all going to be together in one house,”

 

“And if Grandma doesn’t like it, then she can-“ Josh was muttering but Becca shot him a look and he cleared his throat. “Grandma will learn to like it.”

 

Dylan stayed with her parents for a few minutes longer, but Becca knew she was growing bored. It was hard on her daughter she knew to be cooped up in a hospital room and Becca couldn’t wait until she was able to be at home with her again. Mr. and Mrs. Sebastian came back into the hospital room, said a few short goodbyes, and collected Dylan to take her back to the Fatone’s, where she was staying until Becca was released. They promised they’d be back before dinner.

 

“Hey, you know what I’m looking forward to?” Josh leaned close to her, once the Sebastian’s and Dylan had gone.

 

“What?” Becca linked her fingers through his and gazed at him.

 

“Waking up next to you next week,” he kissed her gently. “And when you finally get up and around, I’m taking you back to Cabo.”

 

“Cabo? Really?” Becca brightened at the thought.

 

“Yes. We owe it to Cabo and Cabo owes it to us,” he chuckled. “Especially all the sex we had there.”

 

“Don’t forget we conceived Dylan there,” Becca reminded him, a smile spreading across her face.

 

Josh kissed her again. “If it was legal, I’d take you out of here tonight,”

 

Becca giggled. “Well, it’s not. So let’s just wait til Friday. I hope you’re ready to take care of me. I’m a whiny patient,”

 

Josh took her chin in his thumb and forefinger. “I’ll take my chances,” he whispered. “I just want you back home with me where you belong.”

JUNE 2010

 

Josh stood out on the balcony overlooking the ocean. The warm breeze blew over him and he took it in, inhaling the ocean air and the freedom of being on vacation again. He looked out at the early morning joggers on the beach, the surfers in the water, the sunbathers already staking their claim. He smiled at the young family who were setting up their beach gear, trying to watch a toddler and a little girl at the same time. The dad had managed to grab the younger child before he had gone into the water and picked him up, throwing him playfully over his shoulder. The little girl was starting to collect sand in her bucket while the mother was getting her chair and beach items organized. It was a beautiful sight and one that Josh hoped he and Becca could create sooner than later.

 

He turned to peer into the bedroom where Becca was still sleeping. She was facing him, her eyes closed, her hand on her pillow. She looked so peaceful and he couldn’t help but smile when he thought of being with her the night before. They’d literally flown in just an hour or so before they’d checked into their hotel and Becca had been all over him from the time they got on the plane in Orlando until they reached their hotel room in Cabo. It had been an all day trip, but even as tired as they were, they both wanted each other and the last time they’d been in Cabo ten years before, it had been just like that and so far, it hadn’t been any different.

 

In the four months since Becca’s accident, their lives had returned to the normalcy they’d always wanted. Her fractured ribs had healed in a matter of weeks but her arm had been in a cast for almost three months. The healing process finally ceased around May and they could enjoy their new life together as a real family. Dylan now had two parents that took care of her in the same house and that slept in the same bed. They tucked her in collectively, even though she had just turned nine and recently had let them know she was good with just a kiss goodnight. Josh assured Becca, who’d been a little distraught that their daughter was getting older, that there would be more children soon enough.

 

“I’m still on birth control,” she’d told him.

 

“We’re going to Cabo. That seems to be where we have the best luck conceiving children,” he’d reminded her.

 

And so Becca had come off birth control just a month before they’d left. Joey had told Josh that he’d better start thinking about a ring sooner or later if there were going to be more children. Josh was quite aware and had already picked one out years ago when he and Becca had dated then. But both of them were a little wary of getting engaged so fast when Becca had just broken off the engagement with Seth and Josh didn’t want to rush that. Besides, he knew that he and Becca were for keeps now and it didn’t matter when it happened. However, he’d packed the black ring box and hidden it in his suitcase for good measure. He figured a little walk on the beach tonight might not be a bad idea and if the time was right, he’d do what he should’ve done years ago and ask her to be his wife.

 

He walked back into the room, slowly closing the sliding glass doors and over to his side of the bed. Becca stirred as he crawled beneath the sheets and rolled over to face him. Her eyes opened and she smiled sleepily at him.

 

“Hi,” she said, her voice groggy. She stretched her arm over the sheets and reached for him. He pulled her to him and she closed her eyes again, her foot lazily rubbing his leg underneath the covers.

 

“Hi,” he answered, his lips making their way from her cheek to her lips and down to her neck.

 

“I like waking up like that,” she sighed, returning his kisses.

 

“You know,” he mumbled, as his lips began to trail down her body. “I’m thinking if you get pregnant on this trip, we might want to name our next kid after Cabo San Lucas.”

 

“Lucas is a nice name,” she said, her breathing became heavier as Josh propped one of her legs up, his teeth and his tongue biting and licking the skin on her inner thigh.

“Mmhm,” he was barely audible now and Becca reveled in what he did to her. Bucking involuntarily, she moaned his name over and over again, her hands clutching onto the sheet. Whenever he pleased her like this, Becca’s head felt as though it could explode and her body jerked with insatiable gratification. Josh loved watching her and it only turned him on more. He dragged his tongue up her stomach to her breasts and then met hers in a kiss that made them both almost animalistic for each other. He turned her on her side, pulled her thigh back towards him, and inserted himself inside of her. His hands held her breasts, massaging them as Becca met up with him.

 

“Keep doing that,” Becca panted. “That feels so good, baby.”

 

Josh began to move faster and Becca fastened her arm around his neck, bracing herself and felt him release into her, which only made her come faster. Her body was soaked with sweat and her legs still ached from their romp the night before but she didn’t care. Being with him here alone brought out something in her that she had never experienced before with anyone else. It turned her on like she’d not been turned on in a long time. Back in Orlando, they were constantly worried that they’d be too loud and Dylan would hear them. Or, if she was spending the night out, they were just happy to be alone with one another that it usually turned in to a movie night. But here in this hotel room, they were alone with no interruptions and it made them feel like two wild animals. They couldn’t get enough of each other. Becca grunted and groaned with him like she never did back home and Josh wasn’t afraid of being too rough with her because she loved it.

 

Josh eased himself out of her and Becca turned to face him, her face covered with sweat as was his. They both smiled at each other and Josh began to lazily trace circles around Becca’s nipple, watching her expression as she basked in the pleasure her body was receiving. He dipped his tongue towards his finger and began to suck and kiss her breast as Becca rolled on her back, pulling him with her. The ocean crashed onto the beach outside and it covered their noise because soon Josh was inside of her again, and Becca was almost screaming his name from the ultimate ecstasy he was giving her. They couldn’t get enough of each other.

 

Becca finally rose from the bed and looked back at Josh, who was propped on his elbow watching her. The bedclothes were a mess of crumpled sheets and pillows and held evidence of all of their lovemaking and Becca smiled at that. She walked over to the couch and took the robe she’d discarded the night before from it. She wrapped it around her body and looked back at Josh.

 

“Come outside with me,” she whispered, heading for the balcony. Josh said nothing as he pulled his boxer briefs on again and followed her outside. He enveloped her against him and kissed her cheek, then her neck and rested his chin on her shoulder.

 

“What if we didn’t leave this room all day?” he whispered in her ear, nibbling on her earlobe.

 

“I like the sound of that,” she answered, pressing her body against his and resting the back of her head on his chest. They both heard thunder in the distance, and watched as rain clouds began to descend on the beach. The young family Josh had observed earlier began to quickly gather their things together. The sky suddenly became darker and thunder sounded again.

 

“Looks like we couldn’t do much else today anyway,” Josh felt a raindrop hit his face.

 

“Good,” Becca turned to face him, as rain began to release from the sky. “We were a part for a long time. I figure we still have a lot of time to make up for, right?”

 

Josh didn’t answer her, only picked her up, her legs wrapping around his waist, and took her back into the room.

 

The rain cleared up in the late afternoon and Josh made reservations at restaurant down from their hotel, facing the ocean. He made sure to tell the reservationist that he wanted the perfect table, away from the noise, but still with a view. He was assured that both were possible and after the day he’d spent with Becca wrapped up in bed, he knew he’d be a stupid man not to take that ring he’d held onto for so many years.

 

“Whoa,” he sucked in his breath when Becca sauntered out of the bathroom. She wore a strapless pink cotton dress that came just above the knee and simple nude sandals. Her make-up was also elegant but just as unassuming. She walked up to him, draped her arms around his neck and he was like a magnet to her lips. “We can order room service,” he breathed in her sweet floral scent.

 

She chuckled against his lips and pulled away from him. “No. We’re finally having a grown-up dinner without having to ask for a children’s menu,” Becca linked her fingers through his as they headed for the door. “I don’t want to miss it.” Josh had to agree with her there. Most of their outings since they’d moved back in together had been to The Cheesecake Factory or some kid-themed, family-friendly restaurant that Dylan could be entertained. Once they’d tried going to an upscale sushi restaurant and figured Dylan would enjoy a California roll. Although she hadn’t balked at it, she became bored very easily and the restaurant hadn’t really offered children’s items or anything to entertain her.

 

“We’ll come back as soon as we’re finished,” she promised him, his hand draping along her backside. There had just been something about this trip that made him drunk on her unable to keep his hands off of her for too long. He only smiled. After they were finished with dinner, he was taking her for a nice, secluded walk on the beach.

 

Upon entering the restaurant, they were led to the back corner outside, where a table for two was exquisitely set up with candles and a single white rose in a vase. The lighting was just so that the ocean gleamed before them and they were away from the commotion of the somewhat crowded outdoor seating area.

 

“So,” Josh said, as soon as they’d ordered their drinks – gin and tonic for him, appletini for her – “Can you believe it? We’re back here in Cabo. You and me, Becca. Did you ever think this would happen?”

 

She smiled at him, leaning towards him, her elbow resting on the table, her chin propped in her hand. “Sometimes I wondered. Other times I gave up hope. Dylan never gave up. Did I tell you I found her little diary from two years ago?”

 

Josh raised his eyebrows. “No! What did it say?”

 

Becca laughed softly and recalled the day that she’d been cleaning up Dylan’s bedroom when she’d left for school. It had been thrown aside with her shoes in her closet and Becca didn’t realize what it was until she opened it and saw the first entry, which had been dated October 2008. Dylan’s illegible handwriting was hard to read, but Becca had managed to read the gist of it, which she could quote almost verbatim to Josh: “Dear Diary, I want my Daddy and my Mommy to live together again like when I was a little girl. I wish they liked each other.”

 

“We liked each other a few times this morning,” Josh couldn’t help but jibe and Becca shook her head, smirking at him. “And this afternoon. I’d say we really like each other now. A lot.”

 

“Anyway,” Becca continued, “She wrote another little entry later on that said she wondered if one day we’d be like The Parent Trap. Although since there’s only one of her, I don’t think she’d be all that scheming.”

 

“She has Briahna,” Josh added. “They’re pretty schemy together if you ask me.”

 

“They’re nine. Whatever do you mean by that?” Becca couldn’t help but laugh as their drinks were set on the table.

 

“She has enough of me and Briahna has enough of Joey that it wouldn’t surprise me what they do when they’re teenagers,” Josh shook his head at the thought. “But go on. What else did you find?”

 

“Little snippets of things,” Becca answered, sipping her appletini. “She hated Seth, but I already knew that. She secretly wished you would be at his house everyday that she had to be there. But the whole time she would add that it didn’t matter, that one day we’d be together and she knew it.”

 

“Smart girl,” Josh winked at Becca. “I have to admit, I wondered if the time would ever come again.”

 

At that minute, their server came to take their order and Becca excused herself to go to the bathroom. Her heart was soaring and she felt more free than she had in ten years. Yes, there was something about Cabo, but there was also something to say for the fact that they were ten years older now. Older and wiser. And better. At everything.

 

As she was coming out of the restroom to head back to the table, she stopped dead in her tracks.

 

“Becca?!” Nick Carter was sitting with a woman at a table right by the entrance of the restaurant. He smiled at her and waved her over.

 

She cleared her throat, hardly believing it. The last time she’d seen Nick had been years ago and he had barely acknowledged her. She walked over to the table.

“Hi, Nick,” she said softly, looking up to see Josh staring out at the ocean from their spot on the back patio. “How are you?”

 

“Good! It’s so great to see you. This is my girlfriend, Tricia. Tricia, this is-“ he started, but Tricia interrupted him.

 

“Becca Sebastian! I loved you in Sarah! It was my favorite show in high school!” Tricia gasped. Becca balked at that. Clearly, Nick was dating someone a little younger than usual.

 

“Well, thanks,” Becca smiled politely, then turned to Nick. “I need to get back to Josh-“

 

“Josh? As in JC? Are you guys-“ Nick looked up to see Josh approaching their table.

 

“Hey, man,” Josh extended his hand to shake Nick’s. “I was wondering where you were,” he said, addressing Becca. “Nice to see you again.” He looked at Nick, then over at Tricia. “Hi, I’m JC Chasez.”

 

Tricia nearly fell out of her chair reaching to shake his hand. “Oh my god! I had the biggest crush on you in high school, too! I didn’t know you two were back together! I saw you guys at least ten times in concert!”

 

Josh looked at Becca and they both smirked at each other. Who was this girl that Nick was dating now? She sounded like the world’s biggest pop culture groupie. “Um, wow, thanks,” Josh cleared his throat. “So, enjoying Cabo?” he turned to Nick.

 

“Yeah,” Nick was blushing at the behavior of his girlfriend and Becca could see it all over his face. “It’s our last night. Then we’re heading back to Los Angeles.”

 

“Nicky’s working on a new album with the band,” Tricia interjected.

 

“I see,” Josh nodded, looking at Tricia as if she were from a different planet. “Well, you two enjoy your last night. We’re going back to our dinner.”

 

“Good to see you,” Nick shook Josh’s hand once more then looked at Becca. “Glad you two are back together. Hey, how old is Dylan now?”

“Nine going on fifteen,” Becca smiled at him. “She’s beautiful.”

 

“I’m sure she is,” Nick told her. “Ok, well, you two have a great vacation.”

 

“We will,” Becca gave him a little wave and followed Josh back to their table. Once they were seated, Becca looked at Josh and bit her lower lip, trying not to burst out laughing.

 

“What?!” he asked, catching the gleam in her eye.

 

“Interesting to see the one man that made us fight all the time back in the beginning,” she chided him, reaching across the table to take his hand in hers.

 

“I was stupid,” Josh shrugged then looked over at Nick’s table. “And what was that girl all about? I can’t believe Nick would ever date someone so celebrity-obsessed.”

Becca eyed Tricia and then raised an eyebrow, looking back at Josh. “The size of her boobs is probably a good indication of why he’s with her,”

 

Josh looked in the direction that Becca was. “Oh yeah. I see,” he glanced a little too long for Becca’s liking and she kicked him lightly under the table. “Hey! I’m quite satisfied with yours, babe.”

 

“As you should be,” Becca smirked at him, and leaned forward, letting her breasts rest on the table.

 

“Don’t do that!” Josh groaned and shook his head. “You should know by now that this whole atmosphere just makes me want to take you right here on the table!”

 

Becca couldn’t help but laugh at him and then sipped her drink, gazing into his eyes. “I love you, Josh,” she said softly. “This week has been amazing and it’s only started.”

 

Josh only nodded and felt the ring burning a hole in his pocket. Could he wait until after dinner? The walk on the beach sounded so romantic and he knew Becca would be over the moon about getting her ring there. But did it matter? It seemed the perfect time right now. They were both watching each other, the ocean breeze blowing lightly in their face. Becca’s auburn locks caught on her lower lip and Josh reached over and removed it, stroking her chin with his thumb. He could feel the ring in his pocket and he knew. Before the server came back with their appetizer, before he refilled their drinks, Josh knew he had time. He let out a shaky sigh and looked away from Becca and then back again, a smile spreading across his face.

 

“I love you, Rebecca Jane,” he could barely get her full name out and when he did, Becca looked at him in complete surprise. He’d never called her by her full name before, much less even ‘Rebecca.’ He let out another unsteady sigh and realized he was nervous. He gulped his gin and tonic down quickly and then reached in his pocket, his hand gripped on the black ring box.

 

“Are you okay?” Becca asked him, looking at him quizzically.

 

“Uh huh,” Josh coughed and pulled the ring out, setting it carefully on his lap. “Okay, look, I wanted to do this after dinner. But I can’t wait. Becca, you’ve been the love of my life even when I didn’t know it. I can’t imagine life without you and when I thought you were going to die, I didn’t want to think about how I’d have to make that a reality. Living without you I mean. And we have Dylan and one day I want to make her all over again with you.” Josh took a breath and produced the ring box, opening it to show a diamond glistening in the light. Becca gasped, her hand moving to her chest and laughing softly, hardly believing her eyes. “Becca, will you marry me?” He was on one knee now and Becca was frozen in her seat for a second before she realized she’d yet to answer him.

 

“Yes!” she answered exuberantly, laughing and crying at the same time. Josh’s hand was shaking as he placed the ring on her finger and stood up, pulling her up with him. She was glad they were in a cloistered area and no one could really see their private celebration.

 

“God, I was so nervous!” Josh chuckled in her ear, hugging her tightly.

 

“You knew I’d say yes, didn’t you?” she pulled away and looked up at him.

 

“Yeah,” Josh nodded. “But you know, jitters and all.”

 

“I love you, Josh,” Becca squeezed him tightly. She looked down at her ring. “How long have you had this?”

 

“Oh, about ten years,” he winked at her. “I knew the minute I met you, Becca. You’ve always been it for me.”

 

Somehow, they managed to eat dinner and even shared a dessert but the entire time all they wanted was to be back in their hotel room, making use of the empty bed that awaited them. 

Dylan had never really believed it would happen. She’d always prayed and hoped and wished, but deep down, she had always felt like her parents would never be able to sustain a relationship together again. When her mother had gotten out of the hospital and moved back into her father’s house, Dylan waited as though she were waiting for a stick of dynamite to blow up and ruin it all. She walked on eggshells those first few weeks, thinking that it could be her fault if her parents broke up again. And then when they’d gone off on vacation for a week, Dylan figured they’d come home and either be fighting or on the verge of breaking up. Only they’d come home with a ring on her mother’s finger and happier than she’d ever seen either of them in her whole life. She loved looking at her mother’s ring and would sometimes even get to wear it herself in the presence of her parents. She loved waving it around as though she were a glamorous model or queen of some undiscovered country. Dylan knew this ring meant that it was only a matter of time before her parents got married to each other and she couldn’t wait until that day came.

 

“But what if they break up before then?” Briahna had asked her one day, when they were at Briahna’s house playing outside.

 

“They won’t,” Dylan assured her friend. “I know my dad really wants the wedding to be soon. And so does my mom.”

 

“Yeah, but remember Tyler’s mom and dad?” Briahna reminded Dylan, speaking about a boy in their class at school whose parents had been living together and had never gotten married and then one day his dad had run off with Tyler’s mom’s best friend.

 

“It’s different,” Dylan wasn’t so assured this time. “Daddy loves my mom. And my mom loves him.”

 

“You should ask them,” Briahna suggested. “You know, just to make sure they’re really gonna do it.”

 

Dylan had waited a few days before she went to her mother, who was sitting in the living room watching television while her father was in his studio on the other side of the house mixing music together. Dylan walked into the living room and sat down across from her mother on the sofa.

 

“Hey, Dyl,” Becca smiled at her daughter and put the television on mute.

 

“Mom,” Dylan said, a serious expression on her face and Becca immediately raised her eyebrows wondering what in the world her daughter was about to inquire or say.

 

“What is it, baby?” Becca looked at Dylan and reached over to touch her arm.

 

“Mom, I need to know something. When are you and Dad gonna get married? And are you really gonna do it because Briahna told me today it could be like Tyler and you and Dad might not ever get married and break up,” Dylan spoke a mile a minute and Becca had trouble keeping up with her.

 

“Who’s Tyler? Your Uncle Tyler?” Becca asked, moving closer to her daughter.

 

“No, Tyler in our class, Mom!” Dylan was suddenly exasperated. “His mom and dad lived together and then his dad left his mom and married another lady.”

 

“Oh!” Becca tried not to show that she was about to burst into laughter at her daughter’s suggestion, and concealed the smirk that was trying to take over her face. “Dylan, no, of course it won’t be like your friend Tyler. Daddy and I are going to get married. Soon. I promise.”

 

“But when?” Dylan prodded, impatiently.

 

Becca sighed and reached over to pull her daughter closer to her. “Soon, girl. I promise. Don’t worry, okay?” She kissed the top of Dylan’s head and tried to assure her with a squeeze around the shoulders, but Dylan only smiled half-heartedly and hopped off the couch. “Where are you going, girl?” Becca asked her.

 

“I’m going to find Daddy,” Dylan replied, leaving the living room and heading down the hallway to the other end of the house. She knew she wasn’t supposed to interrupt her father when he was working, but she also knew this was important. So when she heard her mother call out, “Knock first, Dylan!” she ignored it and went to the door that led into his recording studio. Her dad was sitting behind a panel with a bunch of buttons and levers that Dylan wasn’t allowed to touch nor did she even know what they did. He had his headphones on and was nodding his head to a beat that Dylan couldn’t hear. He touched one of the levers and then hit a button, smiling to himself and leaning back in his chair, his hands resting on the back of his head. Dylan already knew he couldn’t hear her, so she went over to him and gently tapped him on the arm. Josh jumped and looked down at her.

 

“Hey, honey,” Josh hit another button and took his headphones off, resting them on the panel in front of him. “What are you doing in here?”

 

“Dad, I know I’m not supposed to bother you, but I just need to ask you something really, really important,” Dylan looked into his eyes, just as serious as she could and Josh searched her face, wondering what on earth was going on with his daughter.

 

“Sure, honey. You can ask me anything,” he smoothed her chestnut brown hair out and pulled her into his lap.

 

“When are you and Mom getting married?” she wanted to know. “Because Mom says soon and I want to know what ‘soon’ means!”

 

“We’ll probably get married next summer, I would hope,” Josh answered his daughter. “Why? Is your social calendar filling up already?” he was teasing her, but Dylan didn’t get it.

 

“No. But I just don’t want you to break up again,” Dylan didn’t hold back her tears and began to cry softly. “Because you and Mom always break up and I’m scared you will break up again!”

 

Josh’s heart melted and he shook his head, holding Dylan close to him. “Oh, baby girl. No. I promise you. Mom and I are not going to break up this time,” he was trying to be as soothing as he could be, but Dylan still cried into his chest. “Shh, honey. Dylan, look at me, okay?” Dylan lifted her head, tears streamed down her cheeks and Josh wiped them away with his thumb. “Mom and I have been through a lot but we love each other so much and I promise that this time we’re not going to break up.”

 

“Then why do you have to wait so long to get married?” Dylan cried again and Josh shook his head and stroked her hair with his fingers.

 

Well, why did they have to wait so long? They hadn’t really talked about dates. The high of being engaged had taken over anything else other than being parents to Dylan together, that the thought of sitting down and planning a wedding still seemed so far off. But Dylan was right. There wasn’t really a reason they had to wait any longer.

 

“How about I talk to Mom tonight and we’ll get back to you?” Josh smiled at her and Dylan only shrugged. “But honey, please know we’re not going to do what we did when you were younger. We’re really together this time for good. Okay?”

 

Dylan let out a shaky sigh and wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. “Okay,” she hopped off her father’s lap and he kissed her cheek before she sauntered out the door. He watched after her and sighed slowly putting on his headphones again and listening to the demo of an R&B group he’d recently heard about through friends in the industry. His phone buzzed and he looked down to see a text from Becca.

 

We need to talk.

 

Josh typed back:

Dylan?

 

Yes. Did she come & find u?

 

Yeah. Really worried we won’t really get married.

 

I tried to tell her we were going to but ‘soon’ didn’t seem to make her pleased.

 

Josh sighed and stood up, closing off the studio and making his way down the hall to the living room. Becca was gazing off into space and Josh came behind her, nuzzling his lips into her neck. She giggled softly and turned around to kiss him back. He hopped over the back of the couch and made himself comfortable, lying down and resting his head in her lap. She looked down at him and smiled, languidly playing with his hair.

 

“So, our kid is a little paranoid,” Josh said, taking her hand and wrapping his knuckles around hers. “Think we did that to her?”

 

Becca sighed and nodded as Josh began to play with her hand in his. “Unfortunately. We’ve probably screwed her up more than we think we have.”

 

“She’s resilient,” Josh chuckled and looked up at Becca. He paused. “Maybe we should get married before too long.”

 

Becca looked at him and a smile spread across her face. “Yeah?”

 

Josh shrugged. “Why not? It’s not like we haven’t waited ten years. Don’t you think that’s long enough?”

 

“I-I guess,” Becca bit on her lower lip. She was quiet and thoughtful for a moment. “It makes sense, doesn’t it?”

 

“It makes perfect sense,” Josh sat up and pulled her to him. “What’s stopping us?”

 

Becca studied him for a minute, her eyes wandering from his blue eyes, to the smile that had won her over, to his perfectly chiseled cheekbones. He took her breath away and soon she was going to be this man’s wife. “Josh, nothing’s stopping us.” She moved closer to him and kissed his lips softly. “When should we tell her we’re getting married?”

 

Josh shrugged and kissed her back. “Well, she’s not too fond of the answer ‘soon’ is she?”

 

Becca chuckled against his lips and her arms wrapped around him. “Mm-m,”

 

“Where is our little time keeper anyway?” Josh’s hands had found their way up the back of Becca’s shirt and his fingers were toying with the clasp on her bra strap.

 

“She went to her room,” Becca straddled his lap. “We should probably go to ours.”

 

“Uh-huh,” Josh mumbled, his lips still on hers, their arms still around one another. Hurrying, they nearly ran up the stairs and dashed past Dylan’s room, Becca taking notice that her door was closed. In a matter of seconds they were on their bed, discarding clothes and undergarments as fast as they could.

 

“Mom?”

 

Becca gasped, hearing Dylan’s voice just outside the door.

 

“Shit!” Josh grabbed for his t-shirt that had fallen next to the bed. He quickly stood up and ran into the bathroom. Becca had managed to get up and dress just as Dylan opened the door.

 

“Hi!” she greeted her daughter, a little too eagerly.

 

Dylan eyed her mother quizzically. “What’s wrong? Why are you all out of breath? And where is Daddy?”

 

“Nothing’s wrong! And I was, um, cleaning and I was doing it really fast so that’s why I’m out of breath. And your dad went to the bathroom,” Becca was proud of herself for coming up with that lie as fast as she had.

 

“Oh,” Dylan answered, then looked back at Becca. “Can I go call Briahna and see if she wants to come swimming?”

 

“Uh huh. Sure,” Becca nodded quickly. She was still out of breath and her mind was racing with thoughts that if Dylan had come in just a second sooner and seen her parents that way, they would’ve scarred her even more.

 

Dylan turned and left and Josh poked his head out of the bathroom. “You’re good,” he told Becca, walking back over to her. “And since we obviously can’t finish what we started til tonight, let’s go look online at dates and places and whatever else we need to do to speed up this process.”

 

Becca shook her head and seductively ran her hand down Josh’s chest. “Who says we have to wait until tonight?” she whispered, pulling him towards the bed.

 

“Baby, Dylan’s-“

 

“We have a lock, silly,” she gestured to the door. “C’mon, it’ll be fun!”

Josh only grinned at his fiancé as he went over to the door, clicking the lock and looking back at Becca, who was sprawled on the bed like the sexiest centerfold Josh had ever laid eyes on. While Dylan made her phone call, Josh and Becca once more became lost in each other. 

November 2010

 

Josh watched Becca from the entrance to their bathroom as she put the finishing touches on her make-up. She was officially three months pregnant but she looked nearly five. The doctor had chalked this up to it being her second pregnancy. They’d tried to hide it and not let on to anyone in their respected families, but it was a little tricky as of late since Becca was already unable to fit into her regular sized jeans. She’d resorted to finally buying a size bigger and even now they were getting a little snug.

 

“Okay,” she turned around. “We’ll be back later this afternoon.” She walked over to him and kissed him before she went to grab her purse from the couch in front of their bed. Today she was going shopping with her future mother-in-law and sister-in-law and Dylan.

 

“Are you going to tell them today?” Josh followed her downstairs.

 

“No. Not without you there,” Becca turned on the last step and pulled him to her. “I’m still hoping we can hold out until after the wedding.”

 

“You know my family won’t care if you’re a pregnant bride or not,” Josh chuckled and met her lips with his.

 

“It’s not your family I’m worried about. It’s my mother,” Becca sighed, going into the living room to collect Dylan, who was sprawled on the couch watching television. “Let’s go, Dyl.”

 

“Your mother also isn’t stupid,” Josh put in. “She’ll be here next week for Thanksgiving. Unless you wear a mu-mu, I’m pretty sure she’ll guess.”

 

Becca looked down at the bump and then back at Josh. “Well, I’ll deal with that then. But I’m not saying anything yet to your family without you with me.”

 

“About the baby?” Dylan asked, following her mother to the door.

 

“Yes,” Becca grabbed the car keys from the kitchen counter. “And you don’t say anything either.”

 

“I won’t,” Dylan looked over at her father. “Bye, Dad. See you later.”

 

“Bye,” he bent down to kiss her cheek and watched them as they left.

 

It had been five months since the engagement and Josh and Becca had finally decided on a December wedding. The date was set for December 17th. Dylan was out of school by then for Winter holiday and the chapel they’d fallen in love with in Winter Garden, a suburb of Orlando, was wide open. Dylan had been over the moon with joy when Becca had finally told her she and Josh were getting married and that they’d set a final date. Dylan had made a countdown in her room and would mark off the dates as they came and went. It would be a simple, but elegant ceremony. Dylan was going to be their only attendant. Josh’s family had recently moved back to the area and so they were going to be married by Mr. and Mrs. Chasez’s family pastor. There would be a string quartet that would play. Other than that, nothing else during the ceremony.

 

Or so Becca thought.

 

Josh had been working on a song written especially for her. He had no idea when he’d sing it to her, but he wanted to sing it at some point during the ceremony. He’d planned on being holed up in his home office most of the day while Dylan and Becca were out with his mother and sister shopping for the wedding and looking at a few items that they’d placed on a very small registry. It hadn’t made sense to either of them to register, especially since they had everything they needed. However, there were a few things they lacked (such as matching dishes as Becca’s mother had so painstakingly pointed out on her last visit) and Mrs. Chasez was all too excited to look at them with Becca.

 

Walking into his office, he turned on his laptop and began thinking about lyrics. Words. Feelings. Thoughts. Josh typed then deleted a line. It was a process that continued over and over again. He just couldn’t put into words exactly what it was he wanted to say to her. They’d been through so much together and it had been ten years. Ten years. How could he summarize that into a few lines in a song? Slowly, he stood to his feet and stretched, then walked out of his office. He needed a few minutes and some fresh air. He walked into the kitchen and made himself a cup of tea, while he looked outside and smiled to himself about what was going to happen in just one more month. He’d never seen himself getting married and five years ago, he never dreamed that he’d be marrying Becca. He’d known it all along that he couldn’t love anyone like he loved her. But he’d also known just how much they’d fought and struggled together. Sipping on his tea, he walked towards the other end of the house and found himself standing in front of the hall closet across from the guest bedroom downstairs. He hadn’t looked in it in a while. Probably since before Becca had moved in. He opened the door and was met with box after box piled on top of each other. He placed his tea on the floor and pulled down the first box carefully, settling himself on the floor and opening it. He was met with surprise when he looked in it and found old pictures of him and Becca back when they’d first started dating. Pictures of Dylan when she was a baby. Dylan’s baby photo album that had been his first Father’s Day present. Dylan’s birth announcement. A picture of Becca and Dylan in London that he’d taken when Becca had been over there doing Rent. Each item he looked at longingly, wishing for the time that he and Becca lost.

 

He continued his search and chuckled at a card from Dylan when she was about five that read My Dady is the best. i luve you. He stared at it for a long time. His little girl would be ten in a few months. How had that crept up on him? Placing the card along with the rest of the items, he then pulled out a crumpled up piece of paper. He looked at it curiously, wondering why it had been in a box of old memories. He opened it and discovered it was lyrics to a song he’d tried writing right before Becca had come back to him.

 

Do you see me?

Like I see you?

You are more than just

A girl I loved

You are gone away

Why can’t you be with me?

We made mistakes but we can

Try and make it right again

 

Suddenly, Josh had his inspiration. Shoving the paper in his back pocket, he quickly put the items back in the box, except for a few old pictures and Dylan’s card. He picked up his tea walked briskly back to his office. He finally had his muse back.

 

Shopping with Josh’s mother was worlds away from shopping with her own mother. Becca had reminded herself of that several times during the day while she and Dylan were out with Mrs. Chasez and Josh’s sister, Heather. They were laid back, down to earth, and didn’t complain at all when Becca couldn’t make up her mind between two different everyday china patterns at Macy’s.

 

“Honey, they’re the plates you’re going to be eating off of for a long time,” Karen Chasez had reminded her. “You have to be happy with them.”

 

“Which one do you think your dad would like?” Becca asked Dylan as she held up the two different patterned plates. One with a simple floral pattern, the other with no pattern but more elegant looking.

 

Dylan, who’d been trying not to show just how bored she was, looked up from the game she’d been playing on her aunt’s cell phone. She sighed and looked at her mother. “The one without the flowers,” she answered, going back to her game. Then, “Mom, can we be done now? I’m hungry.”

 

“Yes,” Becca sighed and nodded at Dylan, then at Karen and Heather. “Yes, sorry. We’re done.” She looked at her future mother-in-law. “I’ll save this on the registry and show Josh when I get home.”

 

“Good thinking,” Karen smiled at her then took Dylan’s hand. “So, where would you like to go eat?”

 

“PF Chang’s!” Dylan answered, without hesitation.

 

“PF Chang’s it is,” Karen nodded, looking at Heather and Becca, who both agreed. They’d been on their feet for several hours now and the thought of sitting down to a long meal sounded wonderful to everyone.

 

The restaurant was crowded as usual, but it only took fifteen minutes to get seated. Karen had politely asked the hostess if it were possible to get a booth in the back. She’d been out with Becca before and had known that she was still easily recognized. She also knew that as flattered as Becca was when it happened, today was not a day she needed the recognition. Especially when she was out with her family. Karen had always loved Becca Sebastian from the first day she’d met her. She was perfect for Karen’s eldest child and all the years they’d gone back and forth, Karen had known that Josh would ultimately end up with Becca in the end. Dylan was just the icing on the cake. Her one and only grandchild brought her joy no matter what. No, it hadn’t been ideal when Becca had decided it best to split from Josh right after Dylan’s birth, but somehow they’d made it work and now, it had all been worth it. Especially now that Becca was going to have another baby. Karen had known from the moment she’d seen Becca trying to cover up the new little bump a few weeks ago. She’d also seen her grow tired very easily and Josh had even mentioned that Becca had a stomach bug that wouldn’t go away. But, Karen also knew that they probably wanted to share the news in their own special way and hadn’t said a word, not even to Heather.

 

“Today was pretty successful, Becca,” Karen said, after they’d ordered their drinks. “Did you think so?”

 

Becca nodded. She loved Josh’s mother. She was down to earth, even-keeled, and world’s away from her own mother, who’d already texted her four times wanting to know if Becca had looked at the china patterns she thought fit for her.

 

“Yes,” Becca replied. “Tiring, but successful. I can’t imagine having to register for everything. It’s stressful enough as it is.”

 

The waitress came back with their drinks and as she placed them around the table, she did a double take at Becca. “Hey, aren’t you that actress from that 90s TV show? I used to watch you all the time in middle school!”

 

Becca tried not to show her frustration. She knew she was tired and she also knew she should be happy to still be recognized. Most of her work now was stage work and getting recognized was becoming more few and far between. She cleared her throat and smiled as politely as she could. “Yes,” she answered. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

 

“And did you used to date JC from Nsync? God, they were my favorite band. I had posters of Justin and JC all over my wall up until I left for college and-“

 

“We’re ready to order,” Heather cut her off and Becca could tell that she was trying to also be polite, but could see the wistful expression on Becca’s face, knowing that she was ready to be done with the conversation.

 

The waitress blushed and shook her head. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to get star struck.” She pulled out her tablet and began to jot down orders. Her face was still red as she ran off to put the order into the kitchen and Becca couldn’t help but chuckle at Heather’s response.

 

“Sorry, Becca. I hope I didn’t cross the line there,” Heather said, as she sipped on her iced tea.

 

Becca shook her head and smiled. “Not at all. Does anyone ever recognize you guys?”

 

“Oh, once or twice in a blue moon,” Karen answered. “Used to happen a lot more when the group was bigger. Tyler certainly enjoyed the attention.”

 

“He got a few dates out of it,” Heather put in. “I never liked it. I commend you guys in show biz.” She looked at her niece. “Hey, Dylan, do you ever want to be in the movies or sing like your mom and dad?”

 

“Briahna and I are going to have our own show one day,” Dylan informed Heather, without batting an eye.

 

“Really?!” Becca smirked at her daughter, upon hearing the news for the first time. “And what kind of show is this going to be, honey?”

 

“We’re going to sing and dance and tell jokes. Like Daddy did when he was on the Mickey Mouse Club,” Dylan responded, as though she’d been thinking about this for a while. She’d found old episodes of the show online and had spent hours upon hours with Briahna watching them.

 

“What are you going to call this show?” Becca was intrigued. She knew Dylan could be a ham and obviously it was in her genes to perform. But she’d never really expressed an interest aloud before that day.

 

Dylan shrugged. “I dunno. We’re not going to do it til we’re older, though. Like thirteen.”

 

Becca put her arm around her daughter and squeezed her. “Good. I don’t want you corrupted just yet, girl,” she said softly and kissed Dylan’s cheek.

 

When they’d finished lunch, the foursome decided to take a leisurely walk around the mall. Dylan, loving the attention from her older aunt, had gone off with Heather to Claire’s, while Karen and Becca sat down in front of the store.

 

“I want you to know how much I respect you, Becca,” Karen said, reaching over to squeeze Becca’s hand. “You and Josh have been through a lot. I am so excited that you’re marrying him.”

 

Becca felt a huge wave of joy wash over her. It wasn’t that she’d needed Karen’s approval. In fact, she and Josh had just about stopped caring about what other people thought of their relationship now. Her own mother had been skeptical and had pleaded with Becca not to go through with the marriage, but Becca had ignored that, even though for her it had meant never, ever meeting her mother’s approval of anything. But Josh’s family had never been doubtful of her. They’d always loved her, always accepted her, and as unconventional as their relationship had been, his parents had never once treated her as anything but family.

 

“I love your son, Karen,” Becca grinned at her. “I can’t imagine being with anyone else. Ever.”

 

Karen patted her hand. “Good. Because I don’t think he could be with anyone but you, Becca.”

 

“Mom!”

 

Their chat was interrupted by Dylan, who was bounding out of Claire’s, with Heather behind her. “Mom! Mom, look what Aunt Heather bought me!” Dylan immediately emptied her Claire’s bag onto the bench that Becca and Karen were occupying. Dylan held up a set of purple, heart-shaped earrings and a pink headband with “Cutie” written on the side in bold, purple letters.

 

“That was sweet of you,” Becca looked up at Heather and smiled, then back at Dylan. “Did you thank her?”

 

“Mmhm,” Dylan nodded.

 

“It was no problem. She’s my only niece. I have to spoil her,” Heather winked at Becca.

 

“Are we ready to get back to your house, then?” Karen asked, as she and Becca stood to their feet.

 

“Yes. That sounds perfect,” Becca was yearning to get home and take a well-deserved nap. Shopping had worn her out today more than most days. She’d forgotten just how tired being pregnant could make a person. It had been a long time since she’d last carried a child and she was being reminded day after day just what she had experienced years ago.

 

JC sat back in his chair, swiveling from side to side, and looked at the lyrics he’d written in front of him. It hadn’t taken long and with the pictures and memories he’d found earlier that morning, he’d had enough inspiration to pen them quickly.

 

It was me and you

From the start

You always said the words

Went straight to my heart

And now

Now I’m looking at my future

Saying goodbye to the past

It’s always been you

Didn’t I know you’d be the one

From the beginning you

Held my heart

Held my dreams

Baby you’re my everything

I didn’t ever want to lose you

But if it meant you coming back

You know it was all worth it

A decade of pasts

I want decades of your future

Here with me

Baby you’re my everything

It described him and Becca perfectly and he couldn’t wait until she heard him sing it to her in a few weeks. He smiled at the thought of that. Just a few more weeks and Becca would be his wife.

 

 

December 2010

 

Haste.

 

Stress.

 

Anxiety-filled excitement.

 

Those were just a few words to describe the way that Becca was feeling on her wedding day. She could hardly believe it.

 

In the last week, Josh had gone to stay with his family and he and Becca had vowed not to have sex until their wedding night for the last two weeks before they got married. It was a bet that Joey had suggested for them and one that they’d nearly lost the night before Josh moved out for the week.

 

“Just one more week,” Becca had pushed him away from her when he’d tried to pin her against the wall in the kitchen. She could feel him against her leg and chuckled as she looked up at him, their eyes both filled with lust for each other.

 

“Why’d we ever listen to Joey?” Josh groaned and reluctantly backed away from her.

 

“You know next Saturday when we finally get to the honeymoon suite at the hotel it’s going to be worth it,” Becca straightened her shirt and smoothed out her hair.

 

Saturday had felt like it would never get there, until the night before when they were gathered with their families and wedding party at an upscale wine bar for the rehearsal dinner. Toasts were made all around and the whole time, Josh could hardly take his eyes off of her. He’d thought about coercing her to let him come over to the house that night, but in a way he kind of liked the bet. The longer they held out, the better it would be for both of them the next night.

 

And now it was here. This day they’d both waited for, for as long as they’d been together was here. Becca felt resplendent in her simple, white gown. Both her mother and future mother-in-law had been in awe of her when she walked out of the bridal room at the chapel. And Dylan, wearing an unadorned white dress with a red sash, had squealed when she’d seen her mother.

 

“You look so pretty, Mom! Dad’s going to love it!” she was literally about to jump up and down around her mother from the excitement she had been feeling for the last week. Her parents were really getting married. She would finally have them together “for real” as she’d told Briahna the night before at the rehearsal dinner. Becca looked at herself in the mirror and took a deep breath. Just a few more minutes and she would finally be walking down the aisle to Josh. They’d both agreed that yes, it was only a piece of paper, but it would mean so much more because of all that they’d had to go through just to get to this day. And after ten years of fighting, of struggle, of other relationships, of near death experiences, Becca and Josh were getting married.

 

She touched her little bump and smiled. They’d announced the pregnancy at Thanksgiving and although her parents had at first balked at the idea of a pregnant bride, they soon got over it and were now just as equally excited as Josh’s family had been. Her parents, though not particularly fond of Josh from the beginning, had warmed up to him in the last month. Becca figured they knew now that the back-and-forth between him and Becca was over now that they were getting married.

 

The violin quintet began to play from the front of the chapel. Josh had been waiting behind the platform with his father, his brother, Tony, and Joey. He never was nervous when going on stage, but today was a completely different performance. Today was his wedding and everyone would be looking at him expectantly, not to sing, but to make promises to Becca that he would keep forever. He walked out front and stood, hands folded on top of one another and looked expectantly at the front doors of the chapel, waiting for them to open. First, came Kelly, next Janelle, and then Dylan, who was grinning the biggest grin Josh had ever seen on her face. She didn’t take her eyes off of her father and made her way next to him. He looked down at her and smiled and she whispered, “Wait til you see, Mom!” to which those seated towards the front heard and laughed softly.

 

It was at this point that the violins swelled their tune and the music changed, evoking a bigger and broader piece as Becca appeared in the doorway. Josh’s breath was taken away. She looked more beautiful, more radiant than he’d ever seen her before. She was smiling at him with that same simple smile that she’d worn the day they’d met. Josh was never a man of a lot of tears, but they flowed freely as she made her way down the aisle to him. Dylan was looking from her mother to her father, not knowing who to pay more attention to at that moment. The music faded away and Becca was standing in front of Josh and Dylan. She locked eyes with him and he wanted to kiss her right then and there. He looked over at Tony, who went to the piano and began to play the song that Josh had composed for Becca. The words flowed easily off his lips as he sang to her, only interrupted by a few notes that were off because he couldn’t stop crying. Becca looked lovingly at him the whole time and when he was finished he gave a shaky sigh and wiped away the tears that were rolling down his cheeks.

 

“Can we just kiss now?” he whispered to her and Becca chuckled softly.

 

“No, babe. Sorry. In a few minutes,” she wanted to kiss him just as badly and was already anticipating their hotel room visit.

 

The minister said the usual wedding homily and Becca and Josh vowed to love and honor and cherish one another until death parted them and then when it was announced to the congregation that they were now husband and wife, Dylan jumped up and down and Josh took Becca in his arms, playfully dipping her as he kissed her lips. The violin quintet began to play once more and Josh, with Becca on his arm and Dylan holding his free hand, walked down the aisle with his family. Their friends and family cheered and as she walked past Briahna, Dylan gave her friend a high five.

 

“I’m proud of you, son,” Roy said to Josh later that evening at the reception. “You didn’t do things the conventional way, but then again, I wouldn’t expect that from you. Congratulations.”

 

“Thanks, Pops,” Josh clapped his father on the shoulder and looked over at Becca who was dancing with Dylan to a Justin Bieber song. Much to their dismay, their daughter was an avid fan. But as much as Josh hated the song that was playing, he couldn’t help but smile at the scene in front of him. Becca was even singing along with Dylan to the point where they were giddy by the end of the song.

 

“Was this on the DJ’s playlist?” Joey came up to him, as Roy walked away.

 

“Nah, but you know we can’t say no to Dylan today. I’m sure she begged him to play it,” Josh replied and took a sip of beer. Becca walked over to him, her smile hadn’t faded since the beginning of the day.

 

“Hey, Mr. Chasez, how much longer til we get to leave?” she whispered seductively in his ear. Josh slid his arm around her waist and pulled her close.

 

“Well, technically, we have the place til 2AM. But in all reality, you and me can get the hell out of here and let our friends finish the party without us. Is that okay?” He rubbed her back, discretely resting his hand on her backside.

 

“Let’s go,” she linked her fingers through his. “The car’s ready outside.”

 

“Mom,” Dylan stopped them as they headed towards their parents to let them know they were on their way out. “Mom, I don’t feel good.” Dylan was holding her stomach and looking a bit pale. Becca knelt down and put her hand on Dylan’s forehead.

 

“You don’t feel warm,” Becca patted her daughter’s cheek. “Are you sure you didn’t just overdo it with Justin Bieber?”

 

“No, my stomach hurts. I feel like I’m going to throw up,” Dylan leaned against Becca, who looked at Josh.

 

“Maybe we should take her home first,” Becca said softly to Josh, who tried not to show his disappointment.

 

“Honey, she’s going home with my parents. They’ll take care of her,” he tried to persuade his wife. “She’s probably just excited and danced too much.”

 

“Josh, I don’t want to leave our child if she’s sick!” Becca was exasperated. She looked up to see Karen walking toward them.

 

“Is everything okay?” Karen asked, looking at Dylan who was leaning against Becca. Becca was running her fingers through her daughter’s hair.

 

“Dylan’s not feeling well and I feel bad about leaving her,” Becca replied. “I know she’s going home with you and Josh is trying to assure me she’ll be fine, but I’m still worried about her.”

 

“Dylan, do you want to come to my house? I’ll make you some chicken noodle soup and I bet you will feel better,” Karen touched Dylan’s arm, but Dylan shook her head.

 

“We’ll take her to your house,” Karen offered. “You two need to go have your wedding night and let your parents take care of the grandchild.”

 

“Mom, can’t you and Dad come back with me?” Dylan looked up at Becca and was suddenly forlorn. Becca looked at Josh, who knelt down to talk to her.

 

“Honey, we’ll be back tomorrow. You know that we’re not leaving for the honeymoon til next week. You get us all to yourself tomorrow night and I promise we’ll celebrate with you. Is that what this is all about?” he prodded and Dylan slowly nodded, putting her arms around Josh’s neck. “Aw, baby girl, I know you want to be with us on our special night, but we’re going to take you out tomorrow night. Just the three of us. Okay?”

 

“Okay,” Dylan mumbled and looked over at Becca. “I’m gonna go with Grandma, Mom.”

 

Becca eyed Josh as Karen winked at them and took Dylan’s hand. “You two start heading out. Grandma’s got this one,”

 

“How did you know?” Becca asked him, as they headed towards the stage.

 

“I had a hunch she might feel like that,” he answered, chuckling. “She wants us all to celebrate together as a family, finally. I promised her that she would get to do that tomorrow night.” He went to the microphone and tapped on it to get everyone’s attention. The music faded and everyone stopped dancing and eating and drinking to look over at Josh and Becca.

 

“We are about to head out, but we wanted to thank you all for coming out and celebrating with us,” Josh said into the mic.  “You are all very special to all of us and we love you.” Their friends cheered and hollered words of congratulations as Josh and Becca headed towards the front doors of the reception hall. Dylan was fast on their heels and before they got into the car, Becca turned and pulled Dylan into a hug.

 

“I love you, girl,” Becca kissed Dylan’s cheek, as Josh put his arms around both of them.

 

“We’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” he hugged Dylan tightly and they both waved to her as they climbed into the back of the limo.

 

Everyone was waving and cheering as the limo pulled away and Becca waved fiercely to Dylan until the crowd was just a tiny dot. She settled into the seat next to Josh and he immediately pulled her close to him, kissing her softly on the lips.

 

“How far is this ride to the hotel?” Becca asked, facing him and cupping his cheeks in her hands. “I don’t know how much longer I can stand this.”

 

“Fifteen minutes,” Josh pulled her onto his lap. “I know you paid a lot for that dress-“ he kissed her “-but I really just want to rip it off of you.”

 

Becca laughed at him and teasingly slid one of the straps down off of her shoulder. Josh leaned in to kiss the exposed skin and Becca felt him tug at the back of her dress.

 

“No,” she removed his hand. “No, you’re right. I did pay a lot for this and as hot as that would be to rip this dress off and take me right here in the back of the limo, I think I want to wait til we’re in the hotel room. It’ll be more romantic, you know?”

 

“You’re right,” Josh traced her lower lip with his thumb. “Just fifteen more minutes.”

 

The hotel was a high-rise building near downtown Orlando. It was newly renovated and looked almost futuristic on the outside. Inside, the elevators stretched to the top of the 33rd floor, where the penthouse suite was located and also where they’d be spending the night.

 

“Welcome Mr. and Mrs. Chasez,” the receptionist at the front desk said. “We have your room ready. And congratulations.”

 

“Thanks,” Josh nodded and slipped a $50 across the marble desk to her. He and Becca walked across the lobby to the set of elevators that were only for Concierge guests. “Did you hear that? She called you Mrs. Chasez.”

 

Becca grinned. “I like hearing that. I finally have the same last name as you and Dylan,”

 

When they reached the top floor, the elevator opened into the living area of the suite. It was quite open with a full view of the Orlando skyline all around. Champagne awaited them in an ice bucket, complete with a plate of chocolate covered strawberries and Brian McKnight crooning “Back at One” over the speakers.

 

“You had them play this when we walked in?” Becca turned to Josh, who was walking into the bedroom with the champagne.

 

“Maybe,” he winked at her and she followed him, gaping at the huge bed that awaited them. The maid had already turned down the bedding and Josh was undoing his tie as he sat down on the bed. Becca sauntered over to him, standing in between his legs and placing her hands on his shoulders.

 

“Take my dress off,” she almost whispered. “But don’t rip it!” she added for good measure.

 

Josh stood slowly and began to carefully undo each beaded button on the back of her dress.

 

“Why’d you pick a dress with so many damn buttons?” he teased her, pulling her close to him. She felt his fingers get to the last one and then he moved his hands back up to the top of the dress, easily sliding it off of her body. He gaped at her standing there in a white corset, looking like some Victoria Secret model. The dress was in a puddle around her feet and Becca made sure to slowly lean down and step out of it. She turned, showing off her thong as she walked to the closet and hung it up. Josh stood there, still in his shirt and tie and slacks, ogling at his wife.

 

“Josh, I can’t be the only one in my undergarments,” she bit on her lower lip and walked over to him, undoing the buttons on his shirt. She felt his breath on her and looked up as he kissed her lips in feverish delight.

 

Becca pulled away, moving to the bed and laying down on it as though she were posing for Playboy. Josh had never undressed so fast. She laughed at him as he pulled on his sock and nearly tripped over himself to get to her. Climbing on top of her, he settled himself between her legs and began to work the corset off of her.

 

“I thought you’d enjoy getting me undressed,” Becca whispered, watching him struggle with a button.

 

“You and your buttons,” Josh replied, finally releasing the last one and nearly yanking the corset off of her.

 

“I want you so bad,” Becca tugged at him to lay on top of her, spreading her legs so he knew she was ready for him. “No foreplay. Just you. Inside of me.”

 

“I can do that,” Josh reached down to massage her, just to tease her for a little bit. Watching her buck and groan only turned him on more. “I am so in love with you, Becca.” She moaned as he began to move deep inside of her. Brian McKnight continued to serenade them with “their song” and soon Becca was giving into him over and over again. It was as though the two weeks they hadn’t been together like this had all been worth it and had made them feel as though it had been much longer than two weeks.

 

Drinking champagne and eating strawberries and talking about their life together took up part of the night, but mostly all they wanted to do was love each other and take advantage of being alone in a swanky hotel room. Finally, at almost three in the morning, they were both depleted of any kind of energy and fell asleep next to each other.

August 2013

 

Becca stepped out of the limo clad in jeans and a sweatshirt. Josh, dressed in black sweats from head to toe, was behind her holding two-year-old Lucas and after him, Dylan, now twelve. The last time Becca had been to an awards show had been 2008 when she’d been invited to the Daytime Emmy’s with a producer friend. Her career had all but stopped since she and Josh had gotten married. The only shows she still did were local productions or dinner theatre down in South Florida every so often. Her role of being a mother to Dylan and Lucas and a wife to Josh had been more than she had expected and all that she wanted. She thought it wouldn’t be as different after they were married. They’d lived together long enough that she already felt married. But it was different, indeed. He was her husband and for the first six months of marriage, Becca loved hearing it roll off her tongue when she’d talk to her friends or family about Josh. What was even better was that after three years, Becca still felt as giddy as a newlywed or so it seemed to her. After Lucas had been born, it had only added to the joy she felt every time she looked at her husband.

 

The call from Justin had come just a week prior to the MTV VMA’s. He was being honored and wanted to reunite the band. Josh had wholeheartedly agreed and Becca was ecstatic for her husband and the other band members. It would also be fun to see them all together again after so many years. She was excited to meet Chris’ fiancé, Lance’s boyfriend, and see Jessica Biel again after all these years. She had actually had coffee a few times with Justin’s wife back when Jessica had been on 7th Heaven and Becca was doing Sarah. Josh was excited for the reunion and for his kids to see what it was he used to do. It was because of ‘Nsync that he’d met Becca in the first place.

 

“We’re supposed to be in a big dressing area or at least that’s what Justin’s text said,” Josh told Becca, as the family made their way to the back of the arena.

 

“Is Briahna gonna be back there, too?” Dylan asked, looking up from a game on her phone.

 

“She should be. Joey told me he was bringing her and Kloey backstage so you and Lucas could be entertained,” Josh shifted Lucas to his other hip and smiled at his daughter. She was the exact age of many of his fans from back when ‘Nsync had been in their hey day. Her celebrity crushes were all the members of One Direction, Justin Bieber, and she idolized Selena Gomez, along with Briahna. Josh had once stopped outside of Dylan’s room to see her and Briahna dancing and singing along with one of Gomez’s tracks and they both possessed the stage savvy of their father’s, or so Josh thought. He had already prepared himself for the day when Dylan asked about going on an audition.

 

Becca followed her husband down the long corridor and spotted several celebrities heading in all different directions. It sure had changed from the time she had come as Josh’s date back in 2000. Back then they were the A-listers and were being pushed and prodded for autographs by B and C-list celebs. Today, they were the B-listers, though Becca couldn’t care less. She’d had her time and she knew that Josh would much rather be producing and behind the scenes than on the stage.

 

“C!” Justin called to Josh from one of the dressing rooms at the end of the hall. “Shit, man, is that Baby Dylan?!”

 

Dylan looked up from her phone and at her mother. “Mom, I thought you said Daddy couldn’t say that word in front of me!” she hissed to Becca.

 

“Honey, that’s Daddy’s rule, not Justin’s,” Becca said quietly. Then she smiled at Justin. “Hey, Justin. Yes, this is Dylan. She’s twelve now.”

 

“God, I remember when she was in diapers,” Justin walked out of his dressing room and over to Dylan. “Hi. I’m Justin.” He shook her hand and Dylan smiled at him.

 

“I remember you,” she told him.

 

Justin turned to Josh. “And who’s this little man?”

 

“This is Lucas. He’s two,” Josh squeezed Lucas and kissed his cheek. “Lucas, can you say hi to Justin.”

 

“Hi,” Lucas said softly.

 

“Cute kids,” Justin mused. “You guys are the first ones here. Everyone’s gonna be waiting in the room down the hall if you want to go on down there. I’ve arranged for snacks and drinks. I’ll be down in a minute.”

 

Josh led his family down the very end of the hall to a large open space with plush seats and couches and a plethora of food and drinks lined up and down on a table that seemed to never end. Becca helped herself to a Diet Coke and fixed a small plate of food. She and Dylan sat down together on one of the couches while Josh made a small plate of snacks for Lucas. He sat down opposite Becca, holding Lucas and the plate of food in his lap.

 

“This is going to bring back a lot of memories,” Becca said to Josh, as he sipped on a beer.

 

“It already did. You should have seen us at rehearsal yesterday,” he chuckled. “We’re definitely getting old. I thought Joey was going to faint when we were finished.”

 

Becca giggled and aimlessly played with Dylan’s long, auburn hair. “Dyl, when you were a baby, I used to walk you all over this city in your stroller,”

 

“I don’t remember living here,” Dylan leaned back against the couch. “I barely remember L.A.”

“Probably a good thing,” Josh muttered and eyed Becca, who shook her head and smirked at him. “Not our best times, huh babe?”

 

“Oh, I remember you and Mom fighting,” Dylan had caught on to what her parents were trying to hide from her. “But it’s been so long ago and I know you love each other now.”

 

The truth was, they’d always loved each other. It had just taken ten years for them to realize what the hell they were really fighting for in the first place.

 

Within a few minutes, the rest of the band members arrived and soon it was as though nothing had really changed. Becca was transported back to a time when she was a young actress on tour with her boyfriend. Stories were told of times past on tour. Jessica and Becca caught up briefly and exchanged cell phone numbers for when Justin was on tour in Orlando. The guys did a hacky sack like they always had before any show. Had it not been for the fact that her children were right there with her, Becca would have started to believe that nothing had actually changed and that she and Josh were still the young twenty-somethings trying to figure out life together.

 

“Is this crazy or what?” Kelly said to Becca, when the guys had gone to change. “I feel like we’re on tour again. Those were the days, huh?”

 

Becca nodded. “I still can’t believe it’s been that long,” she replied. “Then again, I sometimes have to remind myself that my daughter is going to be a teenager in a few months.”

 

Kelly chuckled and looked over at Dylan and Briahna who were peeking down the hallway to see if they could spot one of their celebrity crushes. Joey and Josh had promised them that if they could arrange it, they would let them meet either Justin Bieber or One Direction and the whole time the girls had been together that evening, they’d tried to plot on how to make that best happen.

 

Forty-five minutes later Becca was sitting in the audience with Dylan and Lucas and Kelly and Briahna and Kloey. Behind them sat Lance’s boyfriend, Michael and Chris’ fiancé, Karly. The anticipation and excitement could be felt throughout the audience and when Justin’s turn was announced, Dylan squealed and grabbed her mother’s hand. Lucas, extremely stimulated by all that was going on around him, was bouncing up and down on Becca’s lap. Becca turned to Kelly and the two women smiled knowingly at each other. Both excited to see their husbands return to the stage but also excited for their children to see their dads in all their glory. Suddenly, the music changed and Becca couldn’t help but grin when the lights hit the five guys and the audience went crazy. Dylan and Briahna stood up to get a better glimpse of their dad’s and all Becca could do was watch Josh. He moved better than all of them combined – she was biased she knew – and Becca couldn’t help but be slightly turned on. He was her husband. Hers. She screamed like one of his fans and jumped up and down with Dylan and Briahna and Kelly. When it was over, it was all she could do to not brush past the crowd to get back and throw her arms around Josh.

 

“That was amazing!” she exclaimed as soon as everyone had made their way backstage. “Baby, I was so proud of you and I couldn’t stop watching you!”

 

Josh grinned down at Becca and planted a soft kiss on her lips. “Thanks. It was fun,”

 

“Dad! You were like One Direction!” was Dylan’s response. “It was so cool!”

 

“Thanks, baby girl,” Josh kissed the top of Dylan’s head. He looked at Lucas, who was settled in Becca’s arms. “What did you think buddy? Did you like Daddy up there singing?” Lucas only nodded and yawned. “Guess we should get back to the hotel, huh?”

 

“No way,” Lance interrupted them. “You guys have to go out with us!”

 

“We don’t have a sitter,” Becca made a gesture towards Dylan and Lucas.

 

“But I thought you – “Lance started and looked at Josh questioningly.

 

Josh sighed and smiled at Becca. “Well, honey, I arranged for our kids to go with Joey’s parents tonight and play with their kids. And you and I aren’t gonna go out with everyone. We have a suite waiting for us at the Four Seasons,”

 

Becca put her hand over her mouth and laughed. “Josh! Are you serious? We’re going to the Four Seasons?!”

 

“You didn’t think we’d come back to New York and not go, did you?” he pulled Becca into his arms and kissed her lips. “It’ll be like old times, babe.”

 

Josh had meticulously planned it all out as soon as he’d gotten off the phone with Justin the week before. He knew he couldn’t be in New York, in the city where he’d met Becca, and not go to the hotel where they’d shared their first date. He made the necessary calls to secure the honeymoon suite and had been in touch with Joey and Kelly to find out what they would be doing with their kids after the show. It had all fallen into place so easily that Josh had almost been more excited about his after party with Becca than the reunion with ‘Nsync. Almost.

 

They hung out for as long as they could with everyone. Goodbyes were exchanged. Josh told Chris he’d see him at his wedding in a few months. Justin thanked them all again, took a few pictures with Dylan and Briahna, and then Josh was pulling Becca into an awaiting limo outside of the arena. They passed by familiar sights, including Becca’s old apartment building. Josh’s arm slid around Becca’s waist and she nestled into him as they watched the city pass them by.

 

“Thirteen years, baby,” Josh whispered in her ear.

 

“Thirteen years,” Becca beamed and turned her head to kiss his cheek.

 

“Did you think we’d last this long?”

 

“Are you kidding? I figured ‘Nsync would outlast us,”

 

Josh had to laugh out loud at that. “You’re funny,” his fingers linked through hers and they were quiet until the limo pulled up to the front of the hotel.

 

Becca started to head for the elevators, but Josh grabbed her hand, leading her towards the bar. She grinned at him and he led her to the table where they’d had their first date.

 

“If you had known all the hell we’d go through sitting at this table thirteen years ago, would you still have wanted to do it?” Josh asked her, once they’d received their drinks.

 

“Yes,” Becca answered without hesitation. “It was all worth it, Josh. All of it. To be here with you right now is proof. I mean, I know we wasted a bunch of time and for that I know we’d both like to take it back, but we can’t. And that’s okay.”

 

“You’re the best thing I’ve ever done, Becca,” he brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. “You’re better than anything. You and Dylan and Lucas. I don’t ever want you to get tired of me telling you that I love you because I love you so much and so deep.”

 

“Josh,” Becca was speechless. “Josh, that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

 

“I mean it,” he leaned over to peck her lips and she returned his kiss, cupping his cheeks in her hands. “We can take these drinks upstairs, you know.”

 

“Mmhm,” Becca kissed him once more. “I love you, Josh. And I’m glad we never ended this thing permanently. I know it was close but I couldn’t ever not be with you.”

 

“We should come back to New York more often,” Josh said, as he broke away from his wife and stood up. “It’s the city where I first knew I was going to marry you.”

 

“You did? You knew then?” Becca looked at him inquisitively. “We’d just met. How did you know?”

 

Josh shrugged. “How could you not be the girl I’d marry? I don’t know. I just knew.”

 

Becca pressed herself against him after they’d boarded the elevator. “Don’t ever stop telling me you love me and I promise I’ll never get tired of hearing it.” She kissed him sweetly on the lips. “Because it all led up to us, Josh. It’s always been me and you…..”

 

Becca Chasez looked at her work and smiled. It was finished. She saved the document and immediately called her agent.

 

“Hi Leo. I just finished the draft. I’ll send it over to Harper and Row as soon as I double check everything,”

 

“Perfect. What do you think Josh will say? I know he wasn’t crazy about you writing your life story with him at first,”

 

“I left out enough stuff that I don’t think he’ll have a problem with it. In fact, I think he’ll enjoy the finished product,”

 

“Great! So, tell me. Did you come up with a name for it?”

 

Becca bit her lower lip and smiled. “Yes,” she answered. “I’m calling it The Story of Becca and Josh.”