Justin's POV:

I just smelled her.

Just for a second, a whiff of fragrance that tickled my nose as I sit here with my piano, tickling the ivories.

Instantly, it all came rushing back.

Fuck.

I had just started to be okay for the first time in months, more clear-headed and focused. My second album was just about finished, at long fucking last.

And now this shit.

I guess I should already fucking just say it, right? Everybody knows it, anyway. They just don’t mention her unless one of us slips up and then there’s an awkward silence for a moment ‘till someone picks up the conversation. Or God help me, when I brush past some piece of furniture and I see some little trinket that she put up to give the house a more homey appeal. She'd done a great job and while a part of me wanted everything she did destroyed, more of me wanted things to stay exactly as they were. In case she ever comes back.

Who the fuck am I trying to fool? It's been just under a year since she left. She wasn't coming back anymore. I fucking totally lost her trust and I knew after all that we'd been through she wouldn't ever give me the chance to break her heart again.

It's all my fucking fault, too. What did I do? How did screw up again?

Here's where it all began to unravel ...

~*~

I finally got Tara to move her shit in with me for good. Now we were truly living together. About fucking time, right? Anyway she was with me in good ol' City of Angels and we were fucking chilling. Everything was great -- my first CD had dropped months ago and I was just finishing rehearsing for the summer tour with Christina. I had a few days off, just laying around the house with my baby.

And Trace, of course, but he pretty much left us alone to do our thang. And we did every chance we got. I loved my house because Tara being there changed it. It wasn't just another place to crash anymore. It felt like we were playing house and I loved it. She took some classes and really learned how to cook and almost every night she would cook for me -- thick steaks, potatoes, and fried chicken -- whatever I wanted. A lot of times we would have other couples over and we'd drink lots and lots of wine and end up wasted and dragging our asses to the bedroom to fuck before we went to bed.

Our bedroom was my favorite place in the whole world. No one was ever allowed in there unless the doors were wide open and even then I told my boys to knock or something. It was the one room where T and me could do whatever we wanted without worrying about someone catching us.

But back to fucking. Yeah. We did that night, almost every night. Sometimes in the morning too. Nothing stopped us. Even though we'd been together for so long we never got tired of each other. We laughed at the same shit, watched the same DVD's and shit and basically liked the same people. Except for her girl, Sasha but you gotta take the good with the bad in relationships, right?

And when it was time for me to go on tour, she was right there with me carrying her laptop so she could work while I was busy. I mean she stayed with me the entire time and I loved it. We saw all kinds of neat shit together when I went overseas and we always had fun. On the second leg of my tour she had to miss some shows occasionally because she had some meetings and shit in New York for the company she works for. No big deal, I thought. She was never gone longer that, like, two days. I missed her but I knew she'd be back really soon so I didn't trip.

This is when things got hairy, though. You already know who Cameron is. I met her at the Nickelodeon Awards that year and she seemed interested in me but Tara shut that shit down ASAP in a nice way. So then later Cam went to my show in LA. And one night she popped up in Vegas when I was doing my club tour.

What the fuck, right?

Somehow she knew when T would be gone and those were the nights she would show up. And she was nice, really cool in a spastic sort of way. She hung around me all the time and was practically begging for some dick. She would wear next to nothing, trying to turn me on but that didn't really work because home girl ain't got no ass, no titties, nothing. So I wasn't interested. But I let her hang out and we would get drunk together and she would do some coke and then be climbing all over me.

There's only so much a man can take, okay? I knew I was doing wrong shit but she was there and T wasn't and I was so fucking horny one night ...

She came back to my dressing room after the show in some little dress thingy and we did some shots right there. After that it gets kinda blurry but the next thing I know, her ass is up on my dressing room table and I'm fucking the shit out of her. It wasn't soft and sweet. We didn't even kiss or anything. I just did my shit and went to clean off. When I came back she was sprawled across the couch looking starry-eyed. I just wanted her fucking gone but first I needed to take care of something.

"Cam?"

She sighed happily. "Yeah?"

I tried to speak as firmly as possible. "You know you can't tell anyone about this, right? I mean ANYONE. I'll be in serious shit if people find out about this so ... I need you to swear that you won't say shit about this."

She stretched and smiled, looking satisfied. "I won't tell anyone ... if you promise me we'll do it again sometime. That was fantastic, Justin," she murmured.

I just kind of grunted and sent her on her fucking merry way and T came back and things went back to normal. But then T would have to leave for three days here, four days there. And whenever she was gone, Cam popped right up.

I know I was wrong even while in the midst of fucking her, but it was like my body was craving some rough, simple fucking. You know?

Don't get me wrong -- Tara and I have, or had, a great sex life. I don't know why I screwed around on her with a flat-ass cokehead. But I did and like any smart woman would, she eventually found out.

I didn't know at first. See after the tour me and my boys hit the LA club scene really hard. It was the first time in years that I had months and months off and we made good use of it, hitting everyplace we could find. Sometimes T went but most times she stayed at home, seeing as she was the only girl. This went on for a long time.  When I would come stumbling in around seven a.m. or something. She’d be up, freshly showered and eating something like yogurt or an apple. I'd try to kiss her but she would always push me away with a disgusted look on her face.

That pissed me off. So suddenly I found myself answering Cam's phone calls. Then I started 'stopping by' her house around three or four in the morning for a piece of ass. I could barely get to T anymore; she was asleep while I was up all night, then she would be up and at 'em when I was just trying to go to sleep. We were so messed up all of a sudden. After a year of living together, we hardly communicated at all. I made an effort but shit, I was living foul and if she knew I didn't want to get into a screaming match or anything so I kept quiet.

In retrospect it all is so clear. T was lonely and bored and the man she'd left her home to come and live with was practically ignoring her. And he wasn't getting any better either.

That's what she told me anyway.  But that comes later.

Tension was building between us and it was not cool.  I knew she knew about Cam even though we didn’t discuss it.  She just immersed herself in her work and her friends, basically living a life directly opposite from mine.  At one point we’d gone a whole fucking month without me touching her, so I stayed in one night just to be with her.  Fuck it, I missed her.  I took a long hot shower and shaved, then put on some pajama pants I had lying around.  She was shutting down her computer and about to get ready for bed.  When she saw me lying across the bed, she looked surprised.

“You’re not going out?”

I shook my head.  “No … I wanted to spend some time with you.  C’mere baby … I miss you.”  I opened my arms and she came to stand at the edge of the bed, looking at me skeptically.

“What brought about this change?”  She got right to the point.  Damn, can’t a guy just want to be with the woman he loves?

I shrugged.  “It’s been too long since spent any real time together, so I’m taking tonight off to be with you.  That’s all … is there anything wrong with that?”  I sat up and let my arms encircle her waist while I laid my head on her stomach.  Her fingers came down to stroke my hair and I knew she was happy that I was there.

“No, there’s nothing wrong with that.  You just surprised me, that’s all.”  She allowed me to pull her down next to me so I could start kissing her neck, something she loves.  Peeking up I could see her eyes closed and her head thrown back.  After that is was smooth sailing.  Her clothes were off in a minute and I lavished attention on every part of her body, taking my time to make sure I didn’t miss a spot.  When I finally entered her she was so wet that I almost came right away.  But I didn’t, man.  I hung in there to make she got hers at least twice before I exploded inside of her.  Then, nestled together, we both fell fast asleep.  I was feeling real good about how things were happening; maybe I didn’t need Cam or any of her shit.  Maybe all I needed was right there next to me.

Those were my thoughts as I drifted asleep, and even when I woke up the next morning.  I felt around the bed for T, but she was already up.  Groaning, I curled up against her pillow and began to doze off again.  She must be in the shower, I thought.

Wrong.

When I finally decided to join the land of the living, I didn’t see her anywhere, so I went to take a piss and there it was. Hanging on the mirror.  A note for me.

Justin, 
I’m leaving.  Please don’t try and follow me; I know everything 
that you’ve been doing with Cameron and I’m tired of  pretending 
like I don’t know.  You swore to me that when we got back together 
you’d never cheat again.  Did I tell that before this I couldn’t put two 
and two together? Now I know that you’re nothing but a liar and I 
want nothing to do with you anymore.

So please leave me alone.

Tara

I was floored.  Sure, I thought she knew but it was just a phase.  I didn’t love Cam at all.  In fact, I barely knew anything about her.  We fucked and that was it.  No way did I mean to lose my girl.  We’d been through so much together and now she was just leaving me?

I needed a drink.  “TRACE!”

He came to the door and cautiously opened it.  “What’s up, man?”

I got right to the point.  “I need a drink,” I told him while scratching my head.  “Matter of fact bring the whole bottle in here.  Right now, dude.”

“Be right back.” He said, and in like seconds, he returned with a glass and a bottle of Jim Beam.  Brushing aside the glass, I unscrewed the cap on the bottle and took a healthy swig.

Trace frowned at me.  “Is everything okay with you & Tara?”

I frowned back at him.  “I don’t know.  Why?”  How did he know something happened already?

“Because I saw her leaving in a taxi early this morning with a big ass duffle bag.  Where’d she go?”

Taking another swig of the liquor, I answered, “Home, I guess.  Right now I really don’t give a fuck.”

In my state, it was easy to forget that everything was my fault.  All I could think of was that she’d left me again.  Maybe she couldn’t handle the lifestyle.  Whatever.  If she wanted to go, I wasn’t gonna mourn her this time.  This time I was gonna do whatever the fuck I wanted to do and not give a shit about her.  Obviously she didn’t give a flying fuck about me.

And you know what?  That’s exactly what I did for the next nine or ten months.  Cam practically had moved in, and we had some fun, partying together and whatnot.  She was a little flaky but she was devoted to me.  I came first to her and that’s exactly what I needed.  Someone who understood my needs and me and wasn’t gonna give up when a little obstacle got in the way.  We drank together, did some coke together, partied together – everything was chill.

Sometimes, though, I wondered about T.  Was she okay?  Was she at home, like I’d guessed?  Sometimes I really missed her.  She kept my feet on the ground, kept me from acting like an idiot the way all those other young stars act.  But I’d just shake it off.  She was gone.  No use reminiscing, right?

So all was right in my little world until I got the call from Sasha.  I wouldn’t have answered it if I’d known it was her, but she called from JC’s house so I thought it was him.

“What’s up, man?”  I said into the phone, only to hear her voice coming back at me.

She sighed.  “It’s not JC, it’s Sasha.”

Shit.  What the fuck did she want?

“Okay.  What is it?  I’m fucking busy,” I lied.  I had been sitting on the couch channel surfing when the call came in.

“It’s about Tara,” she said, hating every word she spoke to me.  I know because I felt the same way, too.

But she had me interested now.  “What about her?”

“She wants to see you.  Like tonight.  It’s important.”

I was confused.  “What … what’s so important?  Can’t she tell me over the phone?”

Sasha made an irritated sound.  “No, she can’t.  So I booked two seats for us on the next plane leaving LA.  Are you coming or not?”

This was some bullshit.  But what else did I have to do?  T wouldn’t lie and say it was important if it wasn’t.  And it’s wasn’t like I had anything else to do.  Looked like I was headed to DC – to see what the big ‘surprise’ was.

Sasha’s POV:

Shit. How did I get caught back up in the mess that is Justin and Tara?  It seems like four fucking years ago or something, you know?  When Jen and I were trying to play matchmaker, okay she was trying to play matchmaker and I was kinda hanging around watching.  They’re apart again.  What’s new, right?

Right now I’m dragging a bunch of Tara’s shit that I picked up from Justin’s house and taking it back to her in Maryland.  I guess I should include him in the shit I’m taking, right?  Well, he’s coming too, by popular fucking request.  Only this time I can’t say no to her.  Ain’t no way in the world I would be traveling with Timberfuck if it wasn’t for an enormous … favor, I guess you would call it?  No.  A reason.  I’m doing this for a very good reason.  That’s what I keep telling myself, anyway.

Timberfuck needs to keep his foot on his side of the aisle is all I’m saying, or somebody’s gonna get hurt.

I mean that shit too.

I’m getting a kick out of how confused he is.  I didn’t think he’d come but as soon as I said Tara his eyes glazed over and he practically started drooling.  Maybe Cameron isn’t treating him all that great?  Because he didn’t even call her or anything to tell her he was leaving.  That fool will run anywhere and do anything for Tara, even now.  Even after she left him cold without a word, he still is in love with her.

Dummy.

I wish he’d stop bouncing his leg to the rhythm of his iPod … it’s driving me insane.  I just want to lean over and smack him for no reason.  I’ll give props where props are due; he isn’t doing anything really to bother me.  Just his fucking presence is enough to make me sick.

Oh well.  We’re over halfway to NYC, and then it’s just an hour’s flight home to DC.  And I’m taking him to my place – well, technically it’s JC’s but we sort of share it.  Sort of.  He’s never in town anyway so the place is pretty much mine.  And we stay together on the West Coast too, but we haven’t exactly put a label on our relationship yet.  It works for us, you know?  So we just go with the flow and let things happen.

Wait till he sees what she wanted him for.

Heh heh.

Justin’s POV:

FUCK!

This shit is taking forever!  I guess it wouldn’t have taken as long if I hadn’t thrown a fit at the rental car place.  No fucking way am I driving around in a Buick!  They don’t even have a fucking Chrysler 300 … so I’m fucking riding with Sasha’s ass.  She stood there the whole time I went from car rental place to car rental place and smirked while I refused all those cheesy ass cars they have.  I hate Washington, D.C., I swear.  If it weren’t for Tara I would’ve never set foot in the damn town except for a show.  Anyway here I am, on some big secret mission that I have no idea what it is.  Except I have to be here in person.

With Sasha.

Tara knows this shit better be fucking important because I don’t mind coming to see her but coming to see her with Sasha is a whole fucking different story.  I deserve a medal for this shit, I swear.

We drove and drove and when the car stopped it wasn’t at Tara’s house; it was at this phat ass apartment building just over the DC line into Maryland.  I was confused.

“Who the fuck lives here?” I wondered out loud.  Bitch didn’t even answer me; just parked her car in the underground garage, making me think that it was her place.

Eww.  I didn’t want to be anywhere near her place of residence.

“Mine,” she answered shortly.  “C’mon … grab your things and let’s go.”

Helpless to do anything else, I grabbed my carry-on bag that held a few items of clothing and followed her into the elevator.  I noticed she lived on a private floor, which made me curious.  How did she afford all of this on a dance studio owner’s salary?  Then I remembered JC telling me that he was buying a condo in D.C. and it was easy to put two and two together after that.

JC and Sasha were living together.  Yuck.

Finally we arrived at our destination and I followed her down a large, quiet hallway.  It looked like there were only two doors on the floor so they only had one neighbor.  Whipping out her keys, Sasha prepared to open the door.  She stopped for a moment.  “You need to be chill, okay?  No fucking outbursts or anything … just relax.  There’s not going to be any fucking fighting in my house.  Understood?”

I groaned.  Could we just get to the fucking surprise or whatever?  Actually, I didn’t care so much about any surprise.  I wanted to see Tara.  It had been forever since I’d laid eyes on her, since that day that she just disappeared and I wanted answers to some questions of my own.  Not that I really deserved any.  I got what was coming to me, that’s for sure.  She caught me cheating and on top of cheating, I didn’t bother to make an effort towards our relationship.  I took her for granted.  So I derived whatever was coming to me.

Right?

Right.

Anyway, it was finally time to see the girl I once thought I would spend the rest of my life with.  I was dying to break down the door just get even a glimpse of her.

Man, you really don’t know what you’ve got ‘till it’s fucking gone, do you?

I sighed again and waited while Sasha a.k.a. Bitchface opened the door.  We walked into a nicely decorated foyer where she told me to dump my things and to follow her.  No argument there.  She had me so curious that I would’ve done anything she said to get to T.

“Tara?  Tara!” she called out as she walked into the living room.  It was decorated in some art deco type furniture, the kind of thing that JC liked.  Yep, this had to be his place.  But why was Tara there?  I could understand Sasha but Tara had a big ol’ house not too far from there, if I recalled correctly.  Whatever.  I’d get to the bottom of all of this as soon as I saw T.

“Shhh,” a voice came from across the room.

It was Tara.  She was standing with her back to us; neck craning around to hush us up.  She made a gesture with her head down towards her arms, which were holding something.  The sunlight coming in from the window made it hard to see what she was holding; her body was just a silhouette.

I squinted, checking out that figure that I knew so well.  Her chest was bigger and so were her hips.  Not in a bad way, because Lord knows I love T with some meat on her bones and the last time I saw her she was almost whittled down to skin and bones from working out.    Hmm.

‘Hi, Justin,” she whispered, slowly turning around to face me, almost shyly.  “Thanks for coming … I know you must be wondering what’s going on here.”

I nodded slowly, still not comprehending what was going on.  “Yeah, I am … what’s wrong?  Are you okay?”

She nodded her head.  “I … I’m fine.  I just … things have …” Finally giving up on her attempt to have conversation, she walked closer toward me and sort of held her arms out to show me what she was carrying.  I glanced down, squinting again until I figured out what she was trying to tell me.

She was holding a baby.

I shook my head, trying to clear it of confusion.  “Wha … who is this?” I asked stupidly, of course already knowing the answer.

And she dropped the bomb on me.  “This is Riley,” she replied.  “Your daughter.” 

Justin’s POV:

What the fuck?” I thought, gazing at the small bundle in Tara’s arms.  All I could make out was pink.  Not believing her word, I shock my head for a minute, trying to clear it.  The news came rushing towards me like a tidal wave.

Father?  Him?

No way.

But T would never, ever lie to me about some shit like this.  She wouldn’t leave me out of everything that happened when you had a baby: the months preparing, going to Lamaze classes, being in the room while the baby was born.  Would she?

I was literally struck still, dumbfounded.  I had a baby.  Jesus Christ, I felt faint and my knees almost buckled underneath me but I managed to lean casually against the wall.  It didn’t fool anyone.

“Are you okay?” Tara asked, rushing towards me with the baby in the crook of her arm.  “I think you should sit down, Justin.”  With her free hand she took my arm and led me into the living room, which was tastefully furnished.  Someone did a great job decorating in here, I thought. But it was a relief when I finally sat down.  Tara sat down next to me while Sasha, nosy as ever, stood in the doorway taking everything in.

Looking down, I saw a shock of light brown curls on the baby’s head.  I leaned over to look at her in amazement.

This was my daughter.  She was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in life.  Tiny and sleepy, eyes half-closed and smelling like all of that baby stuff.  I never thought I’d say it but it smelled so fucking good that I wanted to lean over and burrow my face into her to be closer to her.  I wanted to be as close to her as I could.

“You named her Riley?” I asked softly, not wanting to disturb the beautiful thing in her arms.  “Riley what?”

“Riley Katharine, after my mother.  I hope you don’t mind …” her voice trailed off and I knew she was thinking about how she had kept this hidden from me for months. 

She really didn’t have to explain much.  After I’d sobered up and thought about it, it was easy to see why she got the hell away from me.  It was all starting to make sense now, why she had left.  Who the hell would want to raise a baby in the environment I was living in when she was with me?  I mean, I knew she’d gone back home to Maryland but I had no idea that she was carrying our baby.

We needed to talk.  But first … first I need to hold my daughter.

“Can I hold her?” I asked, and she nodded tentatively, placing the soft bundle into my arms.  I never had a feeling like that before and I don’t think I ever will.  Looking down at that beautiful face that looked like a miniature Tara, exactly down to the nose and everything.  Then she opened her eyes and there they were.  Blue eyes, just like mine. 

My daughter. 

Damn, this felt good.

“Her eyes are like mine, don’t you think?” I asked T and she smiled and nodded.  God knows how I fucking missed her smile and everything else about her.  Seeing her brought back tons of memories that I’d put away in some dark closet or something, never to be thought of again.  Yet here I was again, with this woman I just couldn’t seem to live without.  And my baby – no way was anyone getting in the way of me having a relationship with her.

Gazing down at her like she was the first baby ever created, I held her close to me and inhaled deeply, wanting more of that baby smell.  Then I kissed her softly on both of her cheeks, just wanting to bite down on those rosy-colored things. 

When I finally got over the initial shock – because believe me, I still was plenty shocked already – I glanced up a Tara for a minute and asked her something that I’m sure she expected.

“Why?”

Tara’s POV:

Good God, I’m a nervous fucking wreck as it is.  Ever since I knew he was coming I‘ve been like a crazy person: exercising, cleaning, running errands to make sure everything was spotless.  Jen finally forced me to sleep in this morning to give me some rest but I couldn’t rest long because I could hear Riley crying.  And as soon as she started doing that it wasn’t hard to figure out that she was hungry and when she’s hungry, somehow in some strange way, my breasts know and start hurting.  But all in all I kept it very chill, not doing much but lying around with my sweetheart, doing laundry when she slept, sterilizing bottles, using the breast pump so she could have a bottle when I wasn’t around.

Riley is … my God, she’s everything to me.  I never dreamed that I would take to motherhood so easy.  Everything just seems to come naturally to me – at least after she was born, that is.  While I was pregnant my emotions ran the gamut of feeling euphoric to me sobbing my heart out because I saw a Lifetime movie.  Or when I realized I couldn’t even see my feet anymore!

The doctor said that Riley was going to be a big baby and man, was he ever right.  Fourteen hours of labor, but every second was worth it.  All the pain melted away when the doctor laid her on my chest.  I used to watch TV shows where the baby is gross and covered in slime or something but with Riley I didn’t give a flying fuck about it.  Jen and Sasha were both in the room with me, holding my hand and giving encouragement.  Well, Jen was doing it while Sasha recorded the entire thing on film.  If I ever get my hands on that copy I’d burn it, I swear. But she won’t let me near it, saying it’s for Riley.

Speaking of Sasha and Jen, both of them are way more excited and involved than I thought they would be.  They showed their love in different ways, though.  Jen would come by at least ever other day to help out and cuddle with Riley, but since I was staying with Sasha in JC’s place for a little while – I didn’t want to be alone just yet – she saw her everyday.  And she never came through the door without something new and outrageously expensive stuff.  Cashmere onesies.  A new little coat.  An outfit that she couldn’t resist buying.  She insisted that she only passed through the baby department on her way to ladies wear.  Yeah right, Sash.  Sasha spoiled her worse than I did, cooing to her and singing to her. Sometimes, when she knew I was absolutely exhausted, she’d come and get the baby in the middle of the night and feed her, and then the two of them would fall asleep in this big, comfy rocking chair that Jen’s mom, Aurora had given to me.  No wonder my baby was such a brat; she was passed from one hand to another, and she refused to go to sleep without someone singing to her, or rocking her.  She would hold onto a piece of Jen, Sasha’s hair or mine in her tiny fist and cling to it while she fell asleep.  It was the most adorable thing in the world.

Damn right my baby was spoiled.  Why the hell not?  You give then the world if you can, and while Riley wanted for nothing, I knew that I couldn’t leave Justin out forever.  Eventually he would hear from JC or someone about the baby.  Luckily, JC was never around the DC condo that he and Sasha lived in – he was always on the West Coast or someplace else.  If he ever came home, I’d go back to my house or to Aurora’s.  It was important to me to keep the pregnancy secret, and somehow we managed to not let JC know.  He was rarely in DC anyway, so it wasn’t too hard.

What had been the hardest thing to do was hide the secret from Mike.  He called me almost every day and he’d even been in DC a few times on a break and wanted to see me but I always made up some excuse.  I think his feelings were hurt but I couldn’t see him – if he knew I was pregnant there was no way on Earth that would keep him from telling Justin.  So I had to leave him out of the loop, but I was sure he’d understand that I had to tell Justin first.  I still felt awful though; Mike was beginning to think that I didn’t like him.  Now that Justin knew, I was going to call Mike and tell him the first chance I got.

But yes.  It had been several months since she was born and I knew I couldn’t put it off much longer.  I knew he was going to be FURIOUS with me but what else could I do?  I didn’t want my baby around the type of person he’d become.  Screwing other chicks and disrespecting me by cheating, doing drugs, hanging out till seven or eight o’clock in the morning … it’s not what I wanted.  The house was always filled with guys shooting the shit, drinking and smoking, so the baby and I would be trapped in the bedroom, like I was when I lived there.

But I didn’t live there anymore and if Justin wanted to, he could play a huge role in Riley’s life.  There was such a good, sweet side to J but he lets himself get pulled into the wrong things, you know?  Maybe this would give him a rude awakening.  He had a tiny, fragile, little person to take care of for at least eighteen years – actually twenty-two years when, not if, she went to college. 

There was so much to teach him, so much to say that I knew we could get away without talking about our personal lives.  So when he asked my why I told him the truth about the house, his friends spending the night every night, him staying out, everything.  And I threw in that I knew about Cameron and figured that I wasn’t giving him what he wanted.

“No, T … that’s true.  I was, like, fucking crushed when you left me.”  I gave him the hairy eyeball.  “Look … I ain’t gonna lie and tell you I wasn’t cheating when obviously was … but it was a bunch of meaning shit between me and Cam.  I never loved her and I never will.  You know who I love,” he told me with his eyes dark, midnight blue piercing into mine.

I tickled Riley under chin as he held her, averting my attention.  “I don’t want to get into this shit right now, Justin.  The baby can pick up on what we’re feeling emotionally and I don’t want that happening to my – our – baby. Let’s just concentrate on the good right now, okay?  Because to be honest, I can’t take this conversation right now.  Let’s talk about Riley.”

He sighed and I knew he wanted more but he wasn’t gonna get it at that time.  “When was she born?  Was she, like, a normal weight?  She seems so small, too.  Are you sure she wasn’t premature?”  And on and on went the litany of questions, which I patiently answered. 

It was funny.  Riley Smiley (as we called her) would cry whenever she had strangers hold her.  She was used to me, Jen, Sasha and Aurora but if anyone else tried to touch her, she’d let out the loudest freaking scream I’ve ever heard!  But with Justin she seemed content to snuggle there, probably eavesdropping on her two parents.  It was interesting to see that maybe there was bond there. I was glad, because I was worried she’d scream bloody murder when I left him hold her.  She’s not used to men except for JJ, Sasha’s younger brother.  He loves her and comes over all the time.  But that was it for her social life, which made it all the more surprising when she lay there in Justin’s arms, not a care in the world.

I think a little part of me was jealous.  Look, I carried her for nine months alone, brought her home and created a routine for her right away. Now she was cooing and gurgling to Justin like they were bosom buddies.  I was half-jealous and half in love with the two people I loved so much in the world sitting right next to me.  If only J hadn’t fucked up, we could’ve been so fucking happy.  But it’s too late, the songs says, “It’s too late, baby, it’s too late, though we really tried to make it.”

Justin and my relationship were finished we would only be co-parents in this big venture that was sitting in his arms.

Yep, we were finished.

Kaput.

Fin

Yeah, right.

Sasha’s POV:

Oh Lord, here these two go again.  Just when I thought Timberfuck was out of our lives forever this shit has to happen.  Tara swore she didn’t want him in any romantic way but there they are, all gazing at each other like long-lost lovers.

I wanted to throw up, for real. I could tell the minute she saw him that shit was going to pick up where it had left off.  I didn’t want Justin around Riley at all with the way he’d been acting lately.  He’s a fucking drunk cokehead who dissed my best friend by cheating on her with that flat ass bad fucking skin, Cameron Diaz. 

And I used to like her movies too before all this shit happened.

Now I’d had about enough of the two of them staring at each other.  I stalked over to the couch and took my goddaughter from Tara and said, “We’re going into the nursery, Tara.  If I stay here any longer I think I’m gonna vomit.”

She smiled like it was funny but I wasn’t joking.  This was bullshit.

Timberfuck was back and now he was never, ever going to go away because of Riley.

As much as I love that little girl, I despise her father even more.

Here we go on the roller coaster ride known as Justin and Tara.

Shit.

She just can’t resist him.  But I can, and I’ll do anything in my power to keep them apart.  My girl isn’t going to get her heart torn up to pieces for a third time.  Even if she can’t resist Timberfuck, I sure fucking can.  His ass is gonna be rolling out soon if I have anything to say about it. He better watch his fucking back.

Tara's POV:

"Oh my God, she's just the most precious thing I've ever seen," Lynn breathed as she bent over Riley's crib in my bedroom. She was lying on her back and gazing up at her grandmother with those blue eyes that run in her daddy's family. "Can I - is it okay if I pick her up?" she asked, arms already reaching down to pick up the little bundle that was gurgling away happily at our presence.

Paul, Justin and Lynn had just arrived from the airport and just like Justin said, they had come on the very first plane out of Memphis the day after Justin had broken the news to them.

I, for one, had been terrified of what Lynn's reaction was going to be. Justin was on the phone with her for almost an hour, trying to explain why she had a three-month-old granddaughter that she'd never even heard of. But then again, Lynn knows Justin better than anyone and once he told her my reason for leaving she could sort of understand it. She didn't condone it but could see where I was coming from. She told me all of this as she held Riley and sat on my bed with me. Justin and Paul had gone downstairs to bring their luggage in; everyone had been so anxious to see the baby that they forgot their stuff.

We'd moved all of my and Riley's things back to my house earlier that morning, now that Justin was here. There was no way in hell I was putting up with an infant and two adults who acted less mature than the baby did. Besides, it was time for her to get used to her real home. I knew she'd miss Sasha, who was like her second mommy, but I also knew Lynn would happily take up and slack that was left.

"I'm glad you're not upset with me," I told Lynn who was still gazing adoringly at my little girl. "It's hard to explain to anyone, much less hope that they'll understand it. I was going crazy with hormones and I thought it was the right thing to do. And in some ways I still believe that so … I can't apologize for it. I can only hope that you understand." I crossed my fingers and toes and waited for her response. Lynn never pulled any punches and if she was pissed, she was going to let me know for sure.

Instead, she sighed. "I'm not angry with you Tara," she said, brushing Riley's cheek with the back of her hand. "I just wish things could've been different, that's all. But what's in the past is in the past as far as I'm concerned. Okay?" She glanced over at me and smiled sincerely, making me relax immediately.

"Okay!" I said happily, glad to get all that junk out of the way. "Now … how long can you guys stay? I want you to know you can stay as long as you want and come to visit her anytime you want. I want her to know her grandma really well, 'cause she's only gonna have one." Just thinking about it made me sad, wishing for my own Momma back. But she was gone and I had this precious new bundle to take care of and that's all I was focused on. Nobody else mattered as much as Riley.

And everyone seemed to feel the same way. Everyone who met her snatched her right out of my arms and cooed and sang to her, talked baby talk and generally made fools of themselves like people do when babies are involved. But I was the biggest fool of all - I cooed and did all that crap all day long. Even Sasha did it, which believe me, was a huge shock. But she adored Riley and showered her with more love than I'd ever seen her do anyone. Someone had finally broken through the heart that had been locked ever since I met her.

Justin and Paul came back upstairs and after Justin showing Paul tot heir room, they came back in.

"What're y'all doing? Momma, don't hog her. Giver her to me," Justin whined and Lynn and I rolled our eyes together.

"Paul hasn't even held her yet," Lynn admonished her own bratty son. She held Riley out to him and he smiled and rocked her gently while he scrutinized her.

"She looks exactly like you," he told me and I smiled at him. I loved hearing that, never got enough of it. Not that I think I'm hot shit or anything, but just because people used to say that about me when I was little to my mom. It just brought back happy memories. "Except for the eyes, I think," he went on. "And maybe the nose looks a little like Justin's. Whoever she looks like, she's gorgeous. You're going to have to beat the men away with a stick, Daddy," he said to Justin who looked indignant suddenly.

"Boys? She ain't never going out, Dad," he told Paul. "She's only a few fucking months old … don't make me start worrying about that now, too."

He was so comical. But I could tell he meant what he said. Poor Riley would be lucky if she got to go to a co-ed school, much less date. Thinking back on how overprotective Justin was of me, I could only imagine how he would treat his little girl.

His little girl. God, it felt so good to say that and see him here with his family. Finally I had done the right thing and brought everyone together. All the family Riley needed was right there, standing around her.

'What about her christening? Did you hold it already?" Lynn asked, and I could tell she was hoping I'd say no. I put her out of her misery and told her that I was planning to have it in a few weeks. I also told them that I wanted Mike to be one of her godparents as well as Jen and Sasha as godmothers.

Justin huffed and puffed, setting himself up to disagree. "Don't I get a say in any of this? She's mine, too, T. What if I want someone else?"

I just gave him a look that said 'kiss my ass'. "Justin, do you really disagree with who I picked? And you can pick the second godfather and we all know it's going to be Trace," I said and he looked chastened. "Or do you have other females in mind?" Because if he thought he was making someone like Cameron the godmother, I'd kick his ass all the way back to Cali.

"Umm," he mumbled and I laughed under my breath. "Yeah, I want Trace to be the godfather, too. But I don't want Sasha to be the godmother! I forbid it, T! Can't you pick someone else?"

Forbid? I actually laughed out loud at that, along with Paul and Lynn. Justin was so ridiculous sometimes. "Justin. You know she's been my best friend through all of my life. And she's helped me with Riley more that anyone else, and loves her almost as much as I do. So get over it, because I want Riley surrounded by people who love her and want nothing but the best for her. You saw her with her yesterday and today," I reminded him. "Riley loves her, too, she's the person she knows the best besides me. I'm not going to deprive her of someone who truly loves her just because you can't let go of some petty argument that no one even remembers how it started." With that, I folded my hands across my chest to emphasize my point but he knew I meant business so, as he can easily do, he changed the subject to keep himself from looking like a fool.

"Can I have her back, Dad?" he asked Paul, who promptly handed her over to her daddy. He started talking to her softly, kissing her cheeks every few seconds and humming. Justin was in love for sure, and I knew he'd already started thinking about how he was going to get to see her with him living in California and me not. Oh well, it was his problem, not mine. What my problem was at that moment was when Riley started crying and moving her little head around, pecking at Justin's chest.

"What'd I do? What's wrong?" Justin asked anxiously. Boy, we were really starting from scratch here.

I held out my arms. "She's just hungry," I told him, recognizing the sound of the cry. I could tell when she wet, or hungry, or just disgruntled now. She was starting to form a personality and I was scared to see that it was a lot like Justin's. She wanted what she wanted, when she wanted it. Which was usually immediately.

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh," he said, and handed her to me. Paul and Lynn took that cue to go freshen up. Lynn had visited before so I told her and Paul to make themselves welcome and I'd come downstairs as soon as Riley was done eating. Unfortunately, Justin sat down on the bed and relaxed, like he'd been at the house for months.

I grabbed a receiving blanket and began unbuttoning the top of my dress. Everything I wore now had buttons at the top so I could easily breast feed anywhere at anytime. I probably shouldn't have let Justin stay but he wanted to be anywhere Riley was those days. So I figured it wouldn't hurt. It's not like he hadn't seen my breasts a million times before. Still, though, I covered Riley's face with the blanket so that he really couldn't see anything anyway.

"Does it hurt?"

"Does what hurt?"

"That," he pointed at my left breast, which Riley was now attached to. "Does it hurt when they eat?"

I shook my head. "No, not really. It hurts that you can't put lotion on them or anything … you have to keep them clean so the baby won't accidentally get something into their system. God, do I miss lotion … my nipples are cracked and sort of dry. That part hurts; not holding her or anything."

He nodded. I forgot how much he liked to hear about medical stuff, usually stuff that grossed other people out. Not Justin though. He was inquisitive as ever. "Can't you put, like, Vaseline or something on them at least?"

I shook my head again. "Nope. I'm au naturel, as they say."

He was quiet for a minute, then back to the questions. "Can I see her eat?"

Part of me wanted to say no but then part of me didn't want to make a big deal about it. I shrugged. "Sure," I replied, and then moved the blanked away so he could see. Riley's eyes were closed and her tiny fist rested on my breast as her mouth worked furiously. I loved breast-feeding her. Usually it was me and her, lying down together with her on my chest. Those times were so special to me; it was like I could feel the bond between us growing stronger. I was going to hate weaning her off, I knew, which I planned to do in a few weeks. Not because I really wanted to but because you were really limited to being with her twenty-four hours a day so she could eat. With formula, she could eat anywhere. So I relished each time I fed her because I knew it wasn't going to last much longer.

"Wow," Justin said, his eyes enormous. "It makes me jealous," he sort of mumbled and then looked surprised. I don't think he planned to say that out loud.

"Jealous of what?" He could be so strange sometimes.

He shrugged. "You get to be so close to her all the time, like that," he motioned at the baby while I effortlessly switched breasts. "I don't get to really share anything with her, you know? I have to wait until she's older.

"No, that's not true," I told him. "You know I play your records for her all the time? I wanted her to know your voice and everything … so I play your music and videos so you wouldn't be a complete stranger. That's why she doesn't cry when you hold her. She's very particular about who holds her and everything, but she knows your voice so I think she feels safe with you."

Justin's eyes got even bigger. "You did that? Damn … I wish I had been here so she could've gotten used to me instead of my records doing the job." He touched her cheek with his hand and it accidentally made contact with my breast. We both froze instantly, unsure of what to do. Because as soon as he touched me I knew that there was still something there. Lust, maybe, I don't know what it was, but it was something. Both of us knew it and while he looked like he wanted to do it again I was getting ready to get up and run as far away from him as I could.

We were not going back down that path again. Ever. I didn't care how special his touch made me feel, we were over. To prove my point, I asked him a question.

"So did you tell Cameron?"

Justin's POV:

Shit. Cameron. How could I have fucking forgot about her?

But I had. I hadn't given a moment's thought to her since seeing my baby girl.

My baby girl. Wow. This shit is awesome, I feel like I'm high on speed or something, this is so huge. I've always wanted to be a dad, not necessarily this soon but shit, I wasn't turning away from it now that something has happened.

She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Nothing and nobody compares to her, except my momma and T, of course. But Riley comes first now. Funny how easily your life can totally fucking change on you without any warning.

Shit there I go again. Fucking forgetting about Cameron. So I decided to call her right then and there, thanks to T reminding me of her. She smirked when she said it too, but what else was she gonna do, jump up and down that I was still dating the girl that caused us to break up? No, wait. I can't place all the fucking blame on Cam. I was deep in that shit too and should've known better than to fuck around on Tara again. It was just as much my fault as it was Cam's.

I excused myself and T knew exactly what I was doing. I ignored her and went into the guest bedroom that I was staying in. It was Tara's old bedroom from when I first met here. Wow. All the shit that's gone on in that room had me wandering way way back in time. But that's not what I came in the room for, so I closed my mind off to anything but Cam and made the call. She answered right away.

"Where the fuck have you been?" she practically screamed at me. I guess if she'd disappeared one day and didn't bother to call for two days I'd be pissed too. Or maybe not. I never was quite sure about what my feelings were regarding Cam. Maybe I'd find out now, to see how she reacts. Because if she didn't want to accept Riley, then she needed to move on from me. Like is said before, nothing is coming in between my daughter and me.

Anyway. I answered her shrieking. "Shit, calm the fuck down," I said quietly, not wanting anyone in the house to hear me. "That's why I'm calling - to tell you what's going on. I had an emergency and had to go-"

"To Maryland, right? Where Tara lives?" she asked nastily, and I wanted to cuss her out because Tara's never done anything to hurt Cam, she had no business being pissed off at Tara. Anyway, moving on.

"Yeah. I'm at Tara's right now. Some shit has gone down that you need to know about, but like I told you before, you can't say shit about this, not to anyone. Are you in agreement here? Because if this leaks somewhere, I'm gonna kick some ass. Okay?"

"Okay. So what's so fucking important that you had to go see her for?" She was still being nasty but she always was about T. She knows how much I loved that girl and she knows that she and I don't come anywhere close to T and me. Too fucking bad for her.

I rubbed my forehead and took a deep breath. "Umm. Look, the thing is … I, umm…" Finally I just blurted it out. "Tara … she had a baby. Our baby, I mean, mine and hers." Whew. There. I felt so much better, until Cam started yelling again.

"She what? She had your fucking baby? How the fuck did that happen? I thought she just dumped you … oh my fucking God," she went on and on, complaining. "Are you fucking kidding me? Were you screwing around on me, you fucker?"

I thought she had a lot of nerve talking about cheating on people considering how we got together in the first place and let her know it. She didn't appreciate it, not one part of my story. I got to where Tara filled me in on Riley yesterday and she interrupted me again. Cam can really curse you out bad. I still think Tara could beat her when she's mad, but Cam has a pretty nasty mouth.

"I fucking cannot believe this shit, Justin. She just told you about your baby now? Why now? Why didn't she tell you before? That's some rotten shit." she finally stopped blabbing again. For some reason, I was finding it harder to deal with Cam when I was around Tara. It's like nothing ever happened in a way; like Cam never came between us or anything.

"She had her reasons." I replied, not wanting to defend Tara but not wanting anyone to talk shit about her either. "Not that I agree but she had some reasons."

"Like what?"

For some reason, I didn't want to tell her. I mean, technically it wasn't any of her fucking business. I never put a concrete name to what we were doing, which was basically fucking around with each other because it got to be convenient. I'm a one-woman guy, straight up. I know that sounds bad because I did cheat on T but I wasn't thinking straight. Drugs got into me or something. I like to be with one girl that I know is clean and safe and better not fuck around over me like Brit did. Cam was there and fit the bill and things just happened. But there wasn't any love shit going on, I can tell you that.

I decided to end the conversation, as I was very tired of it. "Look Cam … I'm staying here for at least the next week. I just found out I'm a fucking father and I'm not leaving my baby yet. I don't know what else to tell you," I said, hoping she'd leave it at that and leave me alone.

Yeah, right.

"Well, can I come and see her? We've been together for a while, Justin. I'm a part of your life now, too," she said, causing me to shudder. Here, here with Tara and my mom and dad and … Sasha? There would for sure be a fucking rumble. While any other time I would've enjoyed watching a brawl like that go down, it wasn't cool if a baby was involved.

Shaking my head and laughing a little, I answered, "I don't think that's a good idea. In fact it's a very bad idea. My mom and dad just got here and we're all staying at the house, so-"

"The house? You're staying with that bitch?" I knew she'd say something like that. And I was ready for her.

"Call me whatever you fucking want but don't say shit about Tara to me, okay? She's my baby's mother and she deserves some fucking respect."

Cam laughed sardonically. "You're fucking defending a woman who didn't even let you know you were a father? I've now officially seen everything under the fucking sun because this shit is un-fucking-believable! Fuck you, Justin. Fuck you and your family! Don't expect me to sit around waiting while you play family either - I'm fucking going home!" she exclaimed. While anyone else would've hung up, she waited, I guess to see what I was going to say, I don't know, because I didn't have shit to say to her so I just sat there listening to her panting until she finally hung up.

Stretching, I got up and went back into Tara's room with a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. She was done breast-feeding and just lying on her side watching Riley lay next to her, feet and arms in the air as she gurgled cheerfully.

Shit. That scene fucking brought tears to my eyes. That could've been my life, you know? If I hadn't fucked up, I'd be lying right there on the other side of Riley. Fuck it, I thought. That's my daughter and she's gonna fucking know it.

"Can ... can I come in and play with her too?" I asked cautiously. I really didn't want any drama between me and T, so I was walking around her on eggshells. So far it had worked - she never said a bad word about me after our initial argument and tried to help me get to know the baby better. She's such a fucking good mother like I always knew she would be. And to prove my point, she waved me over as nice as can be.

I took my shoes off and climbed up on the big sleigh bed that she had in her room now and the three of us just talked and played. Nothing heavy, just baby talk and what she liked and didn't like, etc. Just learning the baby's routine, you know?

Somehow, the whole experience made me relaxed, and sort of sleepy. T felt the same way too, I could tell by her wavering eyelids. Soon Riley was asleep between the two of us who were knocked out right after she closed her eyes.

While I slept, I dreamed that every day was just like that one.

And I wondered how to make my dream come true in real life. Because I wanted it to. It had to be that way. For Riley. She didn't know it, but she was going to be the reason her mommy and daddy got back together again.

Because I wanted it that way. 

Tara's POV:

Justin was driving me crazy. Literally, I was a hair away from attaching a frying pan to his head.

"T! Something's not right … can you come here?"

I had just gotten out of the shower - a shower that Justin himself had just urged me to take.

'Take as long as you want, T. Relax and do something for yourself for once. Me and my Smiley will be fine.'

That's what he'd said, dumbass. Now I was barely half dressed after only a five-minute shower and he was screaming out for me again. I wondered what it was this time: the diaper? Or was it the bottle? Or was it burping her? Or was it that she just was looking at him with a strange expression? Over the past week he'd called me constantly for any one of those things. Not Lynn, who was a pro with Riley and could handle her with her eyes closed. Always me.

Sometimes I wondered if he just did this to get closer to me. It wouldn't surprise me. Nothing he did would surprise me. Maybe Sash was right - she swore he was trying to work some 'mojo' to get me back but from my end, no way was that shit happening. He was Riley's dad and that was it.

Seriously. You don't thing I'm dumb enough to get involved with him again, do you? Oh, shut up. What do you know anyway?

"I'll be there in a minute, Justin," I hollered back, annoyed. "Ask Lynn to help you if you can't wait!"

There was no answer, which probably meant he was patiently waiting for me to arrive and magically clear up whatever problem was going on. Finally I was ready, after hurriedly putting on some deodorant and lotion - I never take a shower and not put on lotion afterwards or my skin would be like a crocodile - and threw on a Juicy sweat suit. My hair was in a loose braid that kept getting untangled by Riley but I tried to keep it neat. It was way too long and I kept meaning to go get it cut but there never seemed to be enough time to go to the hairdresser. There never seemed to be enough time to do anything anymore. Having Justin, Lynn, and Paul stay with me seemed to increase my workload instead of easing it, although Lynn and Paul did their best to help me, but they weren't the problem -- if you know what I mean. They weren't the ones hanging around me, asking a multitude of questions, hanging over my shoulder to see how I did everything and generally just talking my ear off.

Didn't he have a girlfriend or something somewhere to go talk to?

Irritated, I finally left my bedroom and went downstairs to the family room where Justin and Riley were laying on the couch. "What's the big emergency?" I asked tiredly. Riley had been up and down last night because she had gas and neither of us had gotten much sleep. She'd been cranky all morning and I was hoping to get her to take a nice, long nap around noon - which was just a half hour away - and I planned on napping with her.

And I'm sure Justin would be right there with us, 'sharing' every experience.

Man, he was driving me nuts.

He looked up from the sofa where he was staring intently at Riley who was lying right beside him, contentedly gnawing on a rubber teething ring. She looked perfectly fine, which pissed me off even more but I tried to hold my anger in.

"She just let out, like, three big ass burps in a row!" Justin informed me, excitedly. "Is that okay? That's not normally what she does. I've been watching her and she only lets out maybe one or two burps at a time, not three. And they were big, T." He waited patiently for my answer as I gazed at him for a few seconds, and then shook my head.

"There's nothing wrong with that, J. Sometimes she has a lot of gas. You know she was gassy all last night. She's just letting it out in her own way. She'll be farting or burping until it's over. Give her to me," I sighed walking over to sit next to them and taking her from his arms.

She innocently gazed up at me, seemingly knowing my mood was not great. I always had her pacifier clipped to whatever she was wearing so we wouldn't lose it and her tiny hand patted around her tummy to find it and place it in her mouth without removing her eyes from mine. I loved when she did that. She was learning so much and growing so much every day that I wanted to record every minute. Already she was scooting around the place, managing to crawl a little bit here and there to our excitement. Of course everything in the entire house was baby-proofed by Jen and me before we even brought the baby to the house, so she was safe to roam anywhere she wanted to.

Justin insisted on being included in everything that the baby did, but he still hadn't gotten the knack for taking care of her for more than about five minutes without having a question for me. Only me. His mom could be sitting right next to him and he'd be hollering out for me, needing me immediately. Sasha kept telling me that this was a ploy to keep me close to him and while it sort of seemed true the way he was calling me for every tiny thing, I didn't want to think that he would use his own baby for something like that. So I let him continue to try my patience and just kept answering his annoying - and repetitive - questions.

He even insisted on trying to nap with us. At first it was kind of cute, the three of us lying there on my Heavenly Bed together, talking softly to her and to each other but even that was beginning to become a little too close for comfort. It was too intimate, you know? Like him watching me breast-feed - was that right? I knew he was generally curious about the human body and weird things like that and that he was jealous of that close time I shared with Riley that he couldn't compete with, so I let him watch and ask his litany of questions but it was still too intimate, like I said before.

We'd been so close before that him looking at my body and even touching it on occasion felt normal. Like when I was breast-feeding - he'd reach over to rub Riley's head or cheek and make contact with my breast. Just a tiny thing like that sent shockwaves of lust through me because it'd been so long since I'd had sex. The last time had been that night with him in Cali, the night before I left him. And don't think just because things were over that I didn't still have remaining feelings for him. Our sex life had always been banging - so to speak - and any touch from him brought back those feelings. I needed to get laid, and bad. Last night, my dreams had been filled with him - touching me all over, flipping me around and doing all sorts of unspeakable things to me that brought me to ecstasy. Damn, I even had an orgasm in my sleep that was so good, so explosive that it woke me up out of a dead sleep. And that was saying a lot, because I was so exhausted what with Riley having gas the last few days and not sleeping through the night like she normally did. She woke up so much lately that I broke my steadfast rule of not letting her sleep with me at night but stay in her crib, bringing her in with me so I wouldn't have to keep getting up and down. Even having her in the bed with me didn't stop those lust-filled dreams.

Something had to give.

I mentioned it to Jen this morning over the phone and she flipped out. "Don't you even think of screwing that fucker, do you hear me, Tara?" she said, uncharacteristically being crude. Geez, I was just telling her about my dreams. I wasn't going to actually act on them.

Really, I wasn't. Honest!

So either I needed to go invest in a good vibrator - Sasha's recommendation, of course - or continue going through this torture.

What she didn't know was that I actually had a little treasure trove of sex toys already. In Cali, when things were going good between the two of us, Justin had been into experimenting and constantly brought home all sorts of things to enhance our already very active sex life. All that stuff was hidden in a bag way in the back of my lingerie drawer where I prayed no one would ever have a reason to go into. I certainly wasn't going to use them alone. Although I knew lots of women had their own private fun, I just didn't get down like that. Without Justin, it was just a bag of funky, mechanical stuff.

Between the lack of sleep and the lust-filled thoughts I was having of Justin, I didn't know what I was going to do. He'd filled out his chest quite nicely - he was very buff now, working out all the time. He even went through a workout routine here, using my Stairmaster along with doing hundreds of sit-ups and pushups. Every morning he'd go through his routing right in front of me in the family room, and even though I pretended to be watching daytime television like Regis & Kelly or Ellen, I couldn't help but watch. Wouldn't you watch if some buff, perfectly in shape, hot, sexy, figure dripping with sweat was parading in front of you in nothing but a wife beater and some mesh shorts that showed off how muscular his legs had also become?

Whew. I needed another shower, I thought, as I shifted away from him with Riley. "How you doing, sweet pea?" I asked her, running my hands over her thick hair. I knew her hair was going to be a mixture of mine and Justin's, which meant it would be long, thick and very curly. A pain in the ass to deal with when she was young, but as soon as she got old enough I was slapping a permanent relaxer in that shit and making bi-weekly appointments to get her hair done right along with me.

One thing my mom had never skimped on was hairdresser appointments for me, with my thick, unmanageable hair and I planned on following her schedule. In fact, I did just about everything to Smiley that I could recall her doing with me. I mean, look how great I turned out, right? An unwed thirty-one-year-old mother with a much younger, worldwide famous pop star - oops R&B star for a father … she'd really be proud of me.

At least I had gotten my education --- I'd graduated from college and graduate school, something I was very proud of. Dealing with thoughts of Justin and the pressure from Dave to get married, I was very proud of myself for managing to get through grad school and getting a job writing for a publishing company for their online division. I'd taken a leave of absence since Riley was born but planned on finding a real nine-to-five once it was time for her to go to day care and the pre-school. I wanted nothing but the best for her and that meant a routine that would keep her settled and comfortable. I didn't want her gallivanting around the country, thrown back and forth between me, Justin and Lynn, who had already started waxing poetic about the summers Riley would spend 'running around her grandparents and my house' in Millington. I hadn't said anything yet but other than perhaps a few weeks, I wanted my baby girl with me. Call it selfish but technically, she was the only family I had in the world.

However, just yesterday Lynn had sat me down and told me that no matter what, she considered me to be the daughter that she'd never had - she glossed over the daughter she'd lost at birth, Justin's sister Laura - and to expect to be included in all family events. I was touched beyond belief - I knew that Sasha and Jen's families were like my own, too - especially Aurora who I'd grown even closer too since the pregnancy and now considered to be me second Momma.

Running her hand over my checks, she leaned over and kissed me on them. "I don't know what foolishness is going on between you and my son but I know that Paul and I, and my parents, too, love you as much as if you two were already married." I winced when she said that, thinking of his relationship with Cameron. She noticed and smiled.

"Like I said, this foolishness you two are going through is just a big ol' mess to me. To me, you two should've gotten married years ago and should be settled in a house right next door to mine but I can't control either of you so I'm just going with the flow."

Curious, I just had to ask. "What about Cameron? Don't you like her? Haven't they been dating since I left?" I already knew the answer to those questions but I wanted to know her opinion.

She shrugged. "Yeah, they have, honey. And Cameron's a nice girl. Paul and I have tried to get to know her because you know we want to be a part of my baby's life any way we can, but that doesn't mean we don't realize what's going on between you and Justin."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "There's nothing going on between us, Lynn! It was over when I left. Between the cheating, the touring, the drugs, the ... the everything," I blurted out, for lack of anything else to say, "I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm not used to living like that! I tried for him, I really did. I was willing to do anything for him but when he started the cheating again - that was it. I could take him clubbing, I could take him doing some occasional drugs, I mean, he kept that under control for the most part, I could take living in a house with Trace and Rachael and Marty and Chris and any other one of his friends happened to be crashing there, but with a baby coming I knew it wasn't the right environment. Am I wrong? What would you have done?"

She looked me dead in the eye. "I love my son, Tara, more than anything in the world; I don't have to tell you that. And I always put him first before anything else, which is why I wasn't angry with you when I found out what happened with Riley. You gotta take care of your child first, so I respect you for doing what you had to do. Even though it meant me missing out on some things that I would rather have not, I understand. My son, I love the hell out of him, but I know he doesn't always treat you the right way. I know he took you for granted. But I want the two of you to work this shit out and get back together, if you want to know the truth. I truly believe you two are meant to be together."

"What about Cameron?"

"Cameron's a nice woman but there's just not that same look in his eyes when he looks at her than when he looks at you. I'm not getting myself involved, but Justin knows how I feel. You know I'm not shy about telling him how I feel. And if you want to know the truth, I think he'd be more than happy to rekindle things with you, especially now that you have a daughter together. But you've made it clear to him that that's not happening, so what is he supposed to do?" She gazed at me and I gazed back, unsure what to say. Half of me wanted to jump up run and find J and tell him to ditch that trick and give us another try. But the mature part of me wasn't willing to give up what I'd worked so hard to establish these past few months - a home for me and my baby, with plenty of friends and family around to help me in a place where I felt very comfortable.

God, why was everything so damn hard when it came to dealing with Justin Randall Timberlake?

Like she was reading my mind, Lynn said, "Honey, dealing with Justin ain't easy. Lord knows I know that. So I respect whatever decision you make, okay? I can separate my feelings for him from what comes best for my sweet little grandbaby. I'm so happy to have her and you back in our lives that I'm willing to accept however I can get you. So you do whatever you want, okay, and know that I'm not judging you. Unless you deny me access to Smiley, in which case all hell's gonna break loose," she finished causing us both to laugh. She was so sweet.

I leaned over and hugged her. "That's never going to happen. Lynn. Whatever differences I have with J or you or anyone, I will never deny her time with her family. I know more than anyone how important family is …" I started to tear up, thinking of my own mom, who would've been practically obsessed with Riley, and my dad who would've doted on her like she was a princess.

And she was a princess as far as I was concerned.

Lynn hugged me ever harder. "Honey, you are not alone. You've got a Momma right here who loves you no matter what goes on between you and my hard-headed son, and you've got a Daddy right there in the other room who'll do anything you need him too. And I won't even get in the other grandparents you've got, four sets, all waiting for Miss Riley Smiley to make an appearance. That's gonna happen soon, isn't it? 'Cause as much as I'd love to stay, Paul and I need to leave in a few days. But my Momma and Daddy are foaming at the mouth to see that little thang in there so you're gonna have to fit in some time to come to Millington, okay? Promise me, because you know they're getting old and I don't want any of them to miss out on seeing this precious thing. Okay?"

"I promise I'll make a trip if not this month than next," I told her as we squeezed each other one last time than finally let go. "Let them know I'll be down there very soon and they can spend as much time spoiling her as they want." Knowing how they doted on Justin, I couldn't imagine how they would shower Riley with all kinds of affection. And I would love seeing it as much as she would love receiving it.

"Okay," Lynn said, and patted me on the shoulder. "Now I think we better go rescue Riley from those two in there - the last I saw, Justin was still trying to figure out how to get her in that dress. You know he can't manage any snaps. My son," she shook her head and got up and walked into the family room.

I watched her walk away. Lynn was so awesome. I loved her and Paul, and J's whole family.

It was just him that I had the problem with. We - or I - really needed to figure something out. Or maybe I was the one who needed to figure something out. My feelings for him that were rearing their ugly heads when he was in a committed relationship. It was truly time to move on and fund a committed relationship of my own.

It was time to grow up. And who better to help me than the man with a Sidekick chockfull of eligible, hot young men in Cali? My man Mike, who was due in town the very next day. If he couldn't help me, no one could.

I just had to get him over the fact that J and I weren't going to be together anymore. Once I'd done that, it was time for Miss Tara Wallace to get herself a life besides the one surrounding Miss Riley Wallace.

Oh yeah - maybe it was time to mention to Justin that when Riley was born I hadn't put his name on her birth certificate to avoid any intrusion from the press? Knowing him, he'd want to go down to City Hall ASAP. Steeling myself for the upcoming battle, I followed Lynn into the family room. A battle with J? Same ol. Same ol'. If I was keeping count correctly, here was Round Three for today.

Ding! Ding!

*~*

"Okay, time to feed her and then hopefully, a nice, long, nap for both of us," I reached down and took Riley from Justin, who was reclining on the sofa in the family room watching television. Lately he'd gotten hooked on 'All My Children', the one ABC soap that I couldn't stand. Figured. He sat up immediately, ready to join us.

Maybe this was the right time to institute the new rule I had been pondering. "Are you sure you wanna come, J?" I asked, hoping he wouldn't make a big deal over this. "I mean, you're not tire - you weren't up with her last night - so why don't you just stay and enjoy some time on your own?" There. That was said very nicely, wasn't it? Certainly no one could take offense tot hat.

Then again, look who we're talking about here.

He looked crushed, like I'd asked him to pack up and leave the state, never to return. "What, you don't want me there? Did I did something wrong? I really like those times before she naps … I thought it was 'our' time, you know, as a family."

Shit. Family. We weren't a family, that was just it. I mean, we were, we were her parents and as such would always have contact with one another, but I didn't want him to think that the rest of our life was going to be like this. Him coming over and staying as long as he wanted, me having no life but taking care of the baby and him … I wanted more. And I wasn't going to get it if he hung around for the rest of my life like we were a couple or something.

I sat back down hauling Riley over my shoulder. "J, we really need to talk. What are your plans? How long are you planning on staying here? Don't you have an album you're working on? I men, I need to know these things. You're welcome to be in Riley's life as much as you want but you can't forget that I need a life, too. And you staying here, acting as if we're back together and things are hunky-dory … well, that's just not true. We need to figure out some sort of schedule or something. Something where you can regularly see her that won't disrupt my life and my schedule. I want to start interviewing for a nanny next week or so, so I can-"

He looked even more hurt, and pissed off. "A nanny? What the fuck does she need a nanny for? My momma raised me just fine all by herself. T, you know I got you covered financially. You don't have to work, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do except take care of Riley. That's the most important thing, isn't it? Making sure she's okay. And what's the problem with us being a family? You never said anything about this shit before."

I sighed. He was living in some other world. "Justin, you have a long-term girlfriend waiting for you back in Cali, and I need to find someone of my own to be with. Despite what you may think, as much as I love my daughter, I need someone in my life, too. And you're not it. We are not together in any way, shape or form except as Riley's parents. So we need to work something out where I don't feel crowded and I can start to have a life, a real life. Just like the one you have with ...Cameron," I spit the name out bitterly, exposing my hatred for the pock-faced, bottle-blonde bitch that had stolen my man right from under me. "And another thing; you can't sit and watch me breast-feed anymore. It's not appropriate; neither is you lying in bed with us. You can take Riley into your own bedroom and cuddle with her there, okay? I don't feel comfortable with you ...seeing me in that way anymore.

I could tell her didn't know what to say. I'd hit him with a one-two-three punch out of nowhere, shattering his so far perfect world. But it needed to happen. This last week had been wonderful for both of us - and therein laid the danger. We were starting to become this harmonious little trio, daddy, mommy, and baby, and that wasn't how our lives were going to be. Someone - I guess me, since no one else was complaining - needed to get us all back into reality mode.

"T … look, I've seen every part of your body. I've seen parts of your body that you haven't even seen! What fucking difference does it make if I watch when our daughter breast-feeds? It just makes me feel closer to her. I want her to know me. And I don't have long to lie around like this and spend days at a time with her right now. You're right, I do have a CD to finish and Cam is waiting for me back in Cali but … things are different now. Cam isn't my priority anymore and I've told her that."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh yeah? And how did that go over?" I asked, genuinely curious to know what that ho felt like to know she was no longer #1 in J's life. To know that she would never be able to get rid of me now. I would never do it, but if I wanted to I could literally pick up the phone at any time and whine to Justin about how I needed him because of the baby and he'd drop everything and be here instantly. I now had control; I wasn't going to use/abuse it, but it was nice to know that for once I had something that Britney, Jenna, Janet, Cameron and whoever the else he'd been fucking didn't - I had the heir, the baby, the legacy. The newest and permanent Timberlake that was never going away either.

I had won.

But what I'd won wasn't what I wanted. I still didn't want to rest my life on Justin's whims. I wanted a stable, grown-up man who could be there for me in my stable life with my daughter. Justin would just have to deal with a stepfather. I knew he'd despise even the thought of it but that was how it was going to be, damn it. I wanted stability and routine for my little girl, with her mommy and daddy with her all the time and if he couldn't give it to me I'd find someone who would. I may have been thirty-one but my body was still tight. I spent so much time running around after the baby that it was the same as exercising, and with a little make-up I could put on one of my old dresses and go and get myself a man in no time.

He finally answered my question about Cameron. "She didn't like it but so the fuck what? Riley takes priority over everything in my life now. I can't stay here much longer, but as soon as I finish recording I plan on coming back again - unless you want to let me have her in California. But I know you don't trust me like that alone with her yet, do you? So from what I can tell, it's a package deal - you and Riley, right?" He waited as I nodded. "Then Cameron will have to make herself scarce when you guys come to town," he shrugged.

He made it sound so easy. Was she that much of a doormat that she'd just disappear when I came to visit? I wanted to laugh but tried to hold back the evil side of me that came out whenever I thought about her coke-addled ass. "Doesn't sound like much of a relationship if you can just dump her to the side while I'm around," I noted, leaning down to kiss Riley's cheeks to hide my smile.

Justin grunted. "Look, I can handle Cam. Riley's what's important to me right now. And what's this shit you're talking about now, I'm getting too close? I thought that was the whole point of me being here, wasn't it?"

I looked up at him for a moment. "Yes, that's true. But not close to me; close to Riley. And I think lying in bed with me and watching me feed her may be over the line, is all I'm saying. We were together for so long that everything feels natural and I understand how you're feeling, J, I really do. But for me, I need boundaries. I need to not get hurt again, okay? That's what it basically comes down to. You may be able handle all this closeness but I can't and I'm just tying to be honest about it. Okay?" With that, I stood up and began to walk upstairs for Riley's feeding and nap.

"That's not fucking fair, Tara!" he yelled out behind me and I knew he wouldn't just let it be.

And I was right.

As soon as I got settled on the bed with Riley's lips attached to my breast, there was a knock at the door. I sighed.

"What, Justin?"

He opened the door like that was an invitation of some sort. Which it totally wasn't. "I need to finish talking to you about this, T. You can't just waltz out of the room in the middle of a discussion," he told me, coming in and sitting down on the edge of the bed.

On his side of the bed, the one he always lay or slept on when we were together. Shit.

But I was pissed. He'd completely ignored my request and from the looks of it, was planning to join us despite my request for him not to. I was proved right again when he climbed up on the bed and stretched out on his side.

"Justin, you're completely disregarding everything I just said to you. This is my house and you have to agree to some rules here, okay? This isn't our house together. This is my room and I expect to have my privacy when I need it. Don't make this into an argument because I'm too exhausted to get into one right now, okay?" I switched Riley to the other breast and sighed when she reached for my braid and pulled too hard on it. "Ow! Justin … please, just go. I'm tired, I didn't get any sleep last night and I was hoping to catch an hour or two while she napped. Can we talk about this later, please?" I was only being so nice because I was holding her and didn't want her to feel the aggression that was coursing through me.

Damn it, I was tired, I was horny from dreaming about him all night and I just wanted to be left alone with me and my baby girl. Just the two of us, just for a little while, getting some sleep. Was that too much to ask?

"T, I just want … I don't want to be left out," he told me, looking for all the world like a little boy. "All I want to do is lay here with you guys and then nap with you, too. I don't have much time left with her; can't I please just stay?" And then he gave me the puppy dog eyes with his lips slightly pursed; the look he would give me when he wanted a kiss. Was the man fucking psychic? Did he know what I was feeling? Odds were he probably was; no one ever knew me so well or could read my body as well as Justin. Exhausted, I gave in. Not to the kiss! Just to him staying in the room. What the hell could it hurt one more time? I'd fight this battle later, when I'd gotten a little sleep and was better prepared. 
"Fine!" I said angrily, rolling my eyes at him. "Stay. Go. Do whatever the fuck you want. You always do, anyway." I turned away from him and closed my eyes, slowly rubbing Riley's back to try to get her calm and sleepy.

"What'd I do? All of a sudden you're freaking out on me like I did something to you? Did I do something yesterday to piss you off?" he asked, genuinely bewildered.

Now I was starting to feel bad. It wasn't his fault that I was ready for a bout of animalistic sex after the dreams I'd had last night and needed him to keep his distance or I'd jump him. I sighed, yet again. Something I was becoming used to, being around Justin again.

"No … look, I'm just tired." Finally finished feeding, I pulled Riley up on my shoulder and began burping her. Hopefully she'd fall asleep there and then I could get some rest. Rest that did not include dreams of her daddy ravishing me.

"Give her to me, you're tired, T," he said and I just let him take her and curled into a ball, closing my eyes. "I'll put her to sleep and let you get some rest, okay?" he said, trying to calm the situation down. While it wasn't helping my loins any, it at least would get me an hour or so of sleep.

"Thanks," I muttered, and curled myself even tighter against my pillows and waited for sleep.

It came right away.

Right away I was curled deep into my duvet, tucked into dreamland. In my dream, I was under my covers and had not a care in the world. Someone somewhere was talking care of the baby and I was free … free to do whatever I wanted. Justin tapped me on my shoulder and I opened a bleary eye and smiled at him.

"You okay?" he whispered. "Riley's out for the count … I put her in the bassinet over there," he told me, looking concerned. "You need anything or you want me to go?"

Shaking my head, I pulled back the covers. "Come here," I said in a whisper, and he looked confused.

"What?

"Get in bed with me … let's snuggle," I said, scooting over and holding my arms out for him.

Still looking confused, he was quiet for a minute then asked me, "T … are you sure? You want me to get into bed with you?"

Nodding my head, I made a sound of impatience. "Yes … come on. Don't you want to?"

Justin's POV:

Did I want to?! Fuck yeah I wanted to be close to T. She hadn't let me near her since … well, since a practically a year ago! I wanted nothing more than to get my hands on her and feel the changes the pregnancy had made in her body. I could already see some of them: the slightly bigger hips, the fuller breasts, and that braid of long hair that I wanted to undo and feel wrapped all around me … but she was sleeping and didn't know what she was saying.

Or did she?

Sometimes when people are half-awake, they say things that they wouldn't say normally. T was one of those people. Maybe that's why she'd been so grumpy. Maybe … maybe what I'd been hoping for was coming true. Maybe she was starting to have feelings for me again and that was why she was so upset today. Maybe she wanted me … and God knows I wanted her so fuck the dumb shit. I was taking advantage of this opportunity. I'd deal with the consequences later.

Look, she asked me, right?

Quickly, I eased over and closed and locked her door so Momma wouldn't burst in then crept back over to the bed, hoping like shit she wouldn't have changed her mind that quickly. She was still laying with the covers open waiting for me and fuck it, I slid right in.

Justin’s POV:

I slid quietly under the covers, careful not to disturb T. She was half-lying on her side and on her back, one arm stretched out -- for me, I suppose. Man, please don't let me fuck this up, I told myself. Sometimes I get too excited around her and get too rough or move too fast and it can really ruin a mood. So I got under the comforter and sort of scrunched up beside her, afraid to touch her. She sighed again, then turned and looked at me with eyes drowsy from sleep. "Aren't you coming closer?" She whispered and that was all the incentive I needed. I didn't know if she wanted sex or intimacy but I was willing to try to do either one. Whatever kept me near her. 

Ahhh, bliss. I cradled her in my arms, slipping a hand around her waist and the other under her next to pull her into my embrace. She murmured and sighed, moving around until she was comfortable and we faced one another on the pillows. Her eyes were still drowsy and mine were still questioning. Should I say anything? Me and my big ass mouth was possibly all that stood between me and T getting it on so I was being as careful as I could. 

She smiled. "I missed this," she said softly and I smiled back. T was so out of it. She had no idea what she was doing. But I didn't feel like I was taking advantage at all -- this was all her bright idea, right? 

"I missed this, too," I smiled back softly, meaning every word. "I think about it at night, sometimes, what you're doing and if you're thinking of me. This ... this just feels perfect, like heaven." I leaned in even closer but she sort of turned her head to the side, letting my lips brush against her cheek. 

Huh? What's that all about? 

But she turned back instantly. "I ... I feel shy," she admitted blushing against her pink Juicy sweat suit. She looked so adorable that I thought she could be edible. "It's been such a long time and so much has happened. My body's not the same and ... I bet yours isn't, either. Only in a good way, I mean, you've got muscles everywhere and ... look at your neck," she practically growled, then somehow flipped me over and was sucking and biting on my neck, something she used to do all the time, getting me so freaking hot. I was ready to bust a nut right there, with her hair all around me and tendrils trailing over my arms and face. Unable to do anything for a moment, I just lay there enjoying the pleasure she was lavishing me with. 

Finally, I thought, something needed to be done for her. So far she was doing all the touching and I was anxious to get my hands on her to feel the differences in her body. 
"Your body is fucking beautiful and don't ever let me hear you say different, understood?" I placed my forehead against hers and smiled, thanking the Lord that I had just brushed my teeth a little while ago. Our mouths were so close that we were practically kissing so I thought what the fuck? Why not just make it happen anyway? And so I moved closer to her tantalizing, full lips when she suddenly backed off. Just out of fucking nowhere! What shit was she gonna start with now? 
"I can't kiss you," she told me seriously. Huh? Isn't that what she fucking called me in here to go to bed for? 

Frustrated but not showing that shit, I asked, "WHY not? What, you don't like the way I kiss? Because if I remember correctly, you always spent a lot of time using your mouth on mine, kissing and shit. So what's new now?" 
She quieted me by pressing her fingers to my lips. "No, no ... let's just ... touch. I missed you, J. I just want you to hold me right now, okay? We can't wake up the baby, don't talk so loud," she answered, which made sense. But still ... why couldn't I put my lips on those luscious ones of hers? I decided not to push anything. She was still acting in a dream-like state and I didn't wanna wake her up fully. I had a feeling if I pushed shit she'd wake up and kick me out of bed, something I definitely did NOT want. 

"Okay, baby," I soothed, her, stroking her hair and gathering her in my arms, running my other hand over her stomach and hips. Damn! Her ass was perfect, just the way I liked it and I wondered if she would let me ... if she would ... slowly, I slid my hand down even further and struck gold! She giggled a little and I knew she was still half-awake. Not wanting to push her further, I slid my head down in the curve between her neck and her shoulder and tickled her with my stubble. She always loved that shit; it turned her on like crazy. And this time was no disappointment; she laughed a little and pulled me close. I slid my knee between her thighs and felt her hot against me, pushing down. 

"You okay, baby?" I asked, wanting to make sure I wasn't moving too fast. I moved my chin to tickle her even more and her hand went up to clasp my neck closer to hers, and I began planting soft kisses along the column of her neck while she squirmed against me. "You want me to stop?" 

"No," she gasped, tearing her neck away from mine, breathing heavy. Her leg wrapped around mine and rubbed even harder and I could tell she was already close to coming. Damn! Me and T never lacked passion, I swear to God. Even after almost a year, all it took was me touching her lightly and she was raring to go. 
I went in one more time, trying for a kiss but she backed away again. Shit! What the fuck was the problem? But I decided to just go with the flow and lavish her neck and cheeks again with more of my stubble and tongue. She liked that, for sure. While she was concentrating on that, I let my hand slide a little further down between her legs and began rubbing softly. The jersey sweat suit she had on allowed me as much access as if there was nothing there and I began stroking back and forth softly, while she locked her knees around my hand making it difficult to keep moving. But keep moving I did. I could almost always get off just by watching her come, I swear. Her eyes fluttered and half-closed as she continued in her dream-like state and I knew she was getting close. 

"You like this baby?" I asked, already knowing the answer. 

"Mm hmm," she shivered and began rubbing harder against my hand. She was almost there... just a few more and then BAM! She was coming and I felt the contractions through her clothing, it was THAT hard. Shit I was that hard. I wanted nothing more than to slide those pants down over that juicy ass and slide right into her, and she wanted the same thing, too. After she'd recovered somewhat, I did just that. 

No resistance, no whining about stopping, just lots of panting and long looks through her thick eyelashes. I'd just gotten her pants down and was working on mine when Riley started to move around. 

FUCK! 

I love my baby girl as much as I loved T but didn't she know the meaning of timing yet? My baby should've been born knowing that shit, when it was time to interrupt and when not. Just as she started whimpering, T's eyes flew open and she reached down, fumbling around to get her pants back up. 
"She's okay," I tried to reassure T. "She's just waking up. Let her lay there and wake up slowly while we finish ..." Please God, don't let her start --- 

And there it was. "Whaaaaaa!" Fuck, fuck fuck! I was hard as steel and just ready to make love to the most beautiful woman in the world when the only thing in the world that would've stopped us did. Our baby. 

Damn it. I buttoned my jeans up and got up from the bed where Tara was sitting up, wiping her eyes and already reaching for the baby, one hand unzipping her jacket. She immediately put Riley to her breast and I tried my best not to drool. That was where my mouth should've been. My mouth should've been right there suckling on her breast whiles I slid in and out of her juicy-- 

"Justin? Tara? You guy need some help?" Godamnit. My mom. Now it was truly over. Who knew when I'd get another chance like that one? Groaning, I pulled my shirt out over my jeans to hide my hard-on and went to the door. Mom was standing there eagerly, wanting to see Riley. Fuck me, I was second best now. Didn't I tell her enough about my sex life so that she would know when and when not to interrupt? What the fuck did she think the two of us had been doing in there? 

Then I knew. She didn't give a shit if I was trying to get my rocks off as long as she got to spend a little more time in Miss Riley's presence. I swear to God, I was gonna train that baby to know when Mommy and Daddy were getting it on and she needed to entertain herself with her mobile, her stuffed animals or her fucking socks, I didn't give a shit. She brushed past me and scooted over on the bed to where Tara and I had been lying and made herself comfortable. 

"I'm so glad the twp of you are here," she said, ignoring me. I didn't know if she meant me and T or T and Riley. Anyway. "Paul and I were just downstairs talking about the christening. Have you made any plans yet?" she asked Tara, who switched Riley to another juicy breast that made my mouth water. Damn, my life sucked. I had just been about to christen Tara after almost a year -- at least I was pretty sure her last time had been with me and now she wanted to talk about a religious ceremony. 

My life. It sucks, I fucking swear. 

"Umm, no," Tara said distractedly, squirming around trying to get her pants back up without Momma noticing. I honestly don't think she would've noticed, she was so into her christening plans. 

"We thought it'd be nice -- if it's okay with you -- to have it in Millington, only because Justin's great-grandfather can christen her and you can let everyone see her all at once instead of making several trips. What do you think? I know you have people here who will want to attend, but we're country, honey, we'll find places for everyone to sleep. And then throw a nice party in the backyard with maybe a tent, and my momma will of course want to cook all the food. So what do you think?" She glanced over at me finally recognizing that I existed. Still hard as a rock and flushed beyond belief, but there nonetheless. I shrugged. 

"It's all up to T, Momma. Whatever you guys decide is fine with me .... I have to do some recording in the next two weeks but after that we could maybe make time. T, what do you think?" 

She looked down at Riley's little bit of hair and smoothed it, popped her breast out of her mouth, then handed her to Momma to burp her. She got up and finally got her clothes arranged. Tilting her head, she thought for a second. Wow, her hair was really long. Like wait length. I was gonna have to start calling her Crystal Gayle in a hot minute. 

"I think it sounds nice," she finally answered. "I think everyone from here would be more comfortable in a hotel, but maybe the baby and I'll stay with you or Sadie and Grandpa's. I think the idea of Justin's great-grandfather christening her sounds perfect." She sniffed and got a little teary-eyed. "It's just going to be so hard to do it without my ... you know ..." 

Oh no. Her parents. I immediately went over and took Riley from my Momma so she could comfort T. I would've done it but my dick was still rearing its ugly head and it just wouldn't have been appropriate. Besides, I thought maybe a Momma would do better in this kind of situation. 

"Oh baby," she hugged T and smoothed her hair back hugging her close to her. "I know it'll be hard but just think of me as your Momma that day and any other day you want to, okay? I already think of you as the daughter that I lost ... so I know how you feel. Just let me take care of everything for you and I want you to relax and have a nice time. Okay? You're a Timberlake and a Bomar now, whether you're married to Justin or not." 

Immediately I went into the bathroom to splash water on my face after hearing that. As much as I loved T, I had already been thinking about marriage again. It just all seemed so right. We had a ready-made family already and Paul and Momma would be over the moon if we officiated it. 

The only thing was that I was scared. What if we got married and I fucked up again? This time it wasn't only hurting T -- which was bad enough -- but I had a baby to consider. A real family, you know? And if I screwed up my little girl's like then I knew the rest of my life wouldn't be worth shit. If I had to do it, I had to do it right. 

As for Cam? Hey, we never had strings attached, no pun intended. Sure, we spent most nights together but most days we were off doing our own shit. If she was on vacation I'd visit her, sure ... why not? And she made sure to try and follow my pale white ass every fucking where I went. But we hadn't made a commitment. 

But I had made a commitment to Tara and Riley now, whether I'd intended to or not. I didn't want some half-ass you see her on the weekends and every other holiday shit. I wanted T back in my life, for good. The only thing was -- how the hell was I going to get her there? 

Already I had some music ideas laid down. Songs just for Tara to hear. Hell, one just popped into my head. Future sex, baby ... the sex she was gonna be giving up to me pretty soon. And those sounds, those sighs I missed. I'd be 
getting those back, too. 

Yeah, this time I was getting all that and my two baby girls back. Only this time I was going to do it the right way. 

Now ... how to deal with Cam ...

Tara's POV: 

What the fuck was I thinking? Had I lost my ever loving' mind? 

I had just managed to get everyone interested in having some lunch while I took a longer nap -- leaving Lynn under strict instructions to shut her son up if he felt the need to inform me of an especially large poop Riley had or something stupid like that. I was exhausted. 

After an orgasm like that, who wouldn't be? 

Not to mention Justin was making it even worse, hovering around the room while Lynn held me and comforted me for a few moments about my parents. I was afraid she could hear my heart beating through my shirt. I couldn't calm down. She sensed it; I think she knew we were fooling around -- she's no fool -- and she let me go to calm myself down some. Taking everyone with her, including Justin who tried his best to think of a reason to stay that made sense but could come up with nothing under the hurricane force of Lynn. They ambled downstairs while I crawled back under the covers and tried to make sense of what had just happened. 

I was about to have sex. With Justin. If Lynn hadn't interrupted, I think I might've soothed Riley for a few minutes then crawled back into bed and got myself a piece of ass. Do you know how good that man's hands feel? Like ... coarse silk. I can't explain it. Soft enough to make me relax but rough enough to make me shiver. And when he slid my pants down and put his hands on my butt ... well ... let's just say the world was his for taking. I would've done a back tuck, reverse cartwheel if he'd asked me to at that moment. 

Thank God she'd interrupted, though. I'd JUST promised Jen that I wouldn't' sleep with him and what was the next thing I did? Fucking invite him into bed with me to 'snuggle'. And honestly, that's all I had wanted at that point. But then the smell and nearness of him overtook me and I was ready to blow apart in his arms. And he knew just how to do it. Justin introduced me to the world of multiple orgasms; something I'd never known existed before. When I started having them with him I asked Jen about it, wondering how some guy could do that to me. She explained to me that some women were just lucky and didn't need that much 'attention' to get to orgasm and when you added the fact that Justin knew my body as well as he did his own ... well, you get the picture. 

Sleep wasn't coming back. Thoughts of sex were, though. Shit. I needed a distraction so I got up, brushed my too long hair and re-braided it tightly, hoping my brains would return, and then went downstairs to join everyone. We immediately started talking about the christening, luckily, something that could take my mind off of Justin. Even with those midnight-blue eyes gazing at me while he licked his lips and just stared, smiling a little smile that said he knew. He knew exactly what was on my mind but he wouldn't quit. Well something had to give. 

I chose to let loose. "I'm going to start feeding Riley formula tomorrow," I announced, taking more of Lynn's cucumber and onion salad, with bits of proscuitto and mozzarella cheese sprinkled throughout. It was scrumptious and low-cal and I was scarfing it down like there was no tomorrow. 

Everyone looked at me like I was insane. Lynn looked bereft. "But why, honey? Don't you want to give her a full year? That's what they recommend, you know. Not that I'm trying to tell you what to do, sweetie, you know I'd never do that--" 

"I know," I assured her. "I just don't want to be so tied down to her. As it is I can't even go shopping without a cooler carrying her milk everywhere and I would love to have at least a glass of wine every once in awhile." I looked longingly at the bottles of beer and wine spread across the table. Soon ... very soon. Soon enough no more of Justin gazing at my boobs lovingly while I breast-fed Riley. It wouldn't kill her to have formula, the doctor had assured me. Besides, he said the first 3 months were the most important regarding breast-feeding so I'd done my duty. It was my time to shine. Very soon. 

As soon as I figured out how to get Mr. JT out of my head. And the best way to do that was to focus on other things. So I brought up talks about the christening again and soon we were off, arguing and discussing who would be godparents, details, etc. 

Whatever we decided, it would be a special day. A family day. Only I wasn't a part of the Timberlake family, no matter how much Lynn wanted or said it. It was just me and my girl, Tara and Riley Wallace. Oops ... never did bring up that name change, did I? 

Best to keep quiet, at least until the christening was over. Justin was tense enough; I didn't need him blowing up at me right now. 

~*~ 

Memphis was hot. Even in May it was steaming already. But it was a nice change from Maryland, where it had been raining for days. Sasha, Jen and I flew in two days before the christening to get everything ready. Lynn swore everything was under control but it made me feel better knowing what was going on. Their parents were flying in the night before the ceremony when we were having a big barbeque to get everyone acquainted. So it was the four of us including Riley that were at the airport, picked up by a nervous Justin and calm Trace. 

"Is she okay? Did she like flying or did it make her sick?" he asked, eagerly grabbing for the small bundle I held. I let him take her; she insisted on being held throughout the entire flight and my arms were getting tired so I was glad to be rid of the burden for a while. We all stood there watching Justin make baby talk and look like an ass before Sasha had had enough. 

"Can we actually get going? We're tired, Timber fu--, um, Timberlake. 

Shooting her a dirty look, he turned his attention back to Riley. "She's so much bigger! Trace, man, it's only been two weeks and I swear she grew, like, five inches!" Trace leaned over and gazed at Riley who innocently gazed back up at him. 

"She's cute," was all he said, which ticked Justin off. 

"Cute?! All you can say is she's cute? This is the fucking most beautiful baby in the world, right, T?" 

I merely nodded and started looking for the baggage area. I wanted to get the heck out of there and get settled at Lynn or Sadie's ASAP. We finally got our luggage together - naturally Sasha had, like, three bags to everyone else's one. We dragged everything outside where Lynn's truck awaited us and climbed in, securing Riley in her baby seat. Which she did not like one bit after being held so much so we spent the ride with me and Justin trying to calm her down. Finally I just stuffed my breast into her face and that was that. A few minutes later she was blissfully asleep and I was free to sit back and relax. I know I said I was going to stop breast-feeding but it was so hard to give those intimate times with her up that I just hadn't fully broken her from it yet. I gave her formula during the day for meals and things, but during naptime she wanted me. Who was I to deprive her? But soon this was going to have to stop. I planned on drinking wine at the reception after the christening, something I hadn't had in eight or nine months. That's right; T was ready to get tore up! Big surprise! 

Finally we arrived at Lynn's house, where she stood outside anxiously awaiting us. "Hi sweeties," she hugged me and Sash and Jen then nearly knocked us over to climb in the truck to unbuckle Riley's seat. As soon as she got her upright, unfortunately, Riley threw up all over her shoulder. 

Oops. 

"I'm so sorry, Lynn," I apologized, feeling responsible for my daughter's abominable behavior. "Here, let me take her so you can get cleaned up." I reached for Riley but I was too slow. Justin had her again and was holding her up, so she could see where she was. "This is gonna be your second home away from home, baby girl," he told her while she looked around wide-eyed. 

"Uh, I don't think so," Sasha jumped in. "My house would be her home away from home. Yours is third." They stared at each other for a moment then turned their back to one another. Good. I hoped they stayed that way through the entire trip so there would be no more drama. 

"Hey hey hey," I heard from behind me. It was Mike! I ran over and jumped on him, giving him a huge hug. "Mike! Why were you hiding inside! You should've been at the airport to greet your new goddaughter!" I exclaimed, so happy to see my friend. He almost broke my ribs, giving me a tight squeeze. 

"Baby girl, I got in late late last night. Gotta catch up on sleep," he told me and I felt bad for giving him a hard time. He'd had to juggle a lot of things in order to make it to the christening and I really appreciated that. There was no one better to protect my baby girl than the four people who now stood right next to me: Jen, Sasha, Trace and Mike. Relief washed over me and suddenly I was tired from the heat and, well, just everything going on around me. 

"Can we go inside? I'm feeling kind of hot," I said to Lynn and Justin. 

Lynn led the way. "Everybody come on, I've got snacks set up in the kitchen and the grandparents are all inside, waiting to see this little thing," she finally snatched Riley from Justin and started walking towards the house. We all followed like a motley crew, dragging luggage behind us. Justin came up behind me and took my little rollaway suitcase from me. 

"How're you really doing?" he asked quietly. "Is everything okay? Do you need more money or anything? Are things all right?" 

I shook my head at him. "I don't need anything … we already talked about money." He was free to buy Riley whatever he wanted but I didn't want to use his money. It just didn't feel right. So before he left Maryland that first time, he stuffed a couple of thousand dollars in my cookie jar, knowing I wouldn't accept it any other way. "Your money is still in the cookie jar. Put it in an account for her for later." 

"Good idea! We can both be on the account, right? And combine our funds to take care of her?" Too tired to argue, I just nodded. Nodding worked out well for me that afternoon as we were bombarded with Timberlake's, Harlesses' and Bomar's wanting to see the baby. I couldn't keep track of so many people so I just kept nodding and hung in the back with Jen, while Sasha monitored Riley, dogging her every step to make sure she didn't need anything. 

Sometimes I think Sasha loved Riley more than I did - she certainly was way more overprotective than I was. I understood that Justin's side of the family had a right to get to know the baby, too; she thought that we were all dong fine just by ourselves without other interference. Like the father. I laughed, shaking my head at her snatching Riley from Justin again and coming back towards us. 

"It's too many people," she complained, scrunching up her nose. "Riley doesn't like being handled around strangers, and the only white person she's used to is Aurora." 

And you know this how?" I asked, bemused. 

"Because I know her; I know what she's feeling and what she's not. God knows I've been around long enough." 

Shaking my head again, I held my arms out for her. She was very excited from all the people, I could tell, but it was naptime and I wanted to keep her schedule straight. "Can you get Lynn for me?" I asked Sash. "I need to know where I can put her down to rest." 

Sasha summoned Lynn who took me up to the guest room that I had stayed in so many times before. "If y'all need anything, just come get me, okay?" she said before closing the door, promising to keep people out. 

Finally. Solitude. I kicked off my shoes and unbuttoned my shirt before crawling onto the bed with the baby. As she started to nurse I just lay beside her and gazed at her. How weird that Justin and I had created a whole brand-new person that would be ours forever and ever? Jen says its fate - she thinks we're star-crossed lovers who are bad for one another and will continue to make each other miserable until we settle down with other people. 

Well as far as I was concerned we had settled down -- at least he had - and we should be getting along fine right now. Only those eyes that followed me around whenever I was near him let me know what J truly wanted. He wanted me back and I could see him pulling out all the stops. But I wondered. Was Cameron coming? I had avoided asking that question as it might have affected me coming to Tennessee at all. I didn't want that coke head touching my baby. Fuck that! Justin was going to have to learn to keep that part of his life separate. Because NO WAY was my child bonding with that trick. 

Just as we started to drift off, there was a knock at the door. Guess who? 

Without so much as a "Who is it?" "Can I come in?" Justin strode into the room and quietly shut the door behind him. He was grinning like crazy and carrying a boom box that looked like it was straight out of the eighties. 

"What're you doing?" I whispered, gesturing towards Riley. "I'm trying to get her to sleep!" I whispered harshly. 

"Shhh," he put a finger to his lips. "I have something new to show you and it's soft, not loud. You're gonna love it, please let me play it for you." 

I thought about it for a minute. Riley did love listening to music, so much so that she would kick her heels to the beat just like Justin did as a child. And it seems to soothe her so … what the hell? Even I was curious about what he'd been working on. 

"Okay, you can put it on low," I cautioned him. "But if she wakes up, you have to lie here with her until she goes back to sleep." 

"No problem, no problem," he waved at me while plugging the boom box in. "Okay I made two songs last week," he told me. "In Miami with Timbo. And they're both about you but they're private so I only want you to hear them right now." 

Puzzled, I shrugged and put Riley down, who was pretty much out for the count. "So play it. I'll listen." I sat up Indian style on the bed and played with my curly ponytail. He sat down next to me, very closely, and looked seriously at me. 

"These songs were written for you." He said. "There are … things I want to say to you that I can't just come out and say but I can say it through music. So listen to the words carefully, okay?" 

For me? Oh Lord. I was scared about what he would play. Justin was with Cameron, with another woman for years, and with Britney before that for years. I know we had a period together but … I just couldn't open my heart and trust him again. He'd hurt me too much. 

So why was every fiber of my being dying to launch myself again soak up my 'Justin love', as we used to call it? I decided to suck it up and listen. Nothing would change. It couldn't. He was my daughter's father and absolutely nothing else. 

Nothing else. 

Not to me. For sure. I think. 

He leaned over and pressed play on the boom box and I listened. The beat was great. Then I heard the words: Future Sex Love Sounds. The words were for me; did he mean we'd be having sex in the future? At this rate, he was probably right. 

You know what you want 
And that makes you just like me 
See everybody says you're hot, baby 
But can you make it hot for me 
Said if you're thinking 'bout holding back 
Don't worry, girl 
'Cause I'm gonna make it so easy 
So slide a little bit closer to me, little girl 
Daddy's on a mission to please 
Wait a second 
She's hopped up on me 
I've got her in my zone 
Her body's pressed up on me 
I think she's ready to blow 
Must be my future sex love sound 
And when it goes down 
Baby all you gotta do is 
Just tell me which way you like that 
All you gotta do is 
Tell me which way you like that 
Do you like it like this 
Do you like it like that 
Tell me which way you like that 
Tell me which way you like that 
You can't stop, baby 
You can't stop once you've turned me on 
And your enemy are your thoughts, baby 
So just let em go 
'Cause all I need is a moment alone 
To give you my tongue 
And put you out of control 
And after you let it in 
We'll be skin to skin 
It's just so natural 
Wait a second 
She's hopped up on me 
I've got her in my zone 
Her body's pressed up on me 
I think she's ready to blow 
Must be my future sex love sound 
And when it goes down 
Baby all you gotta do is 
Just tell me which way you like that 
All you gotta do is 
Tell me which way you like that 
Do you like it like this 
Do you like it like that 
Tell me which way you like that 
Tell me which way you like that 
Dear God. Somehow while the song played, his arm had snaked around me and I was leaning on him, smelling his cologne and feeling lie it was 1999 when we first met and he played the music from No Strings Attached. Only he was making me super horny but I refused to give in, no matter what. A song isn't going to change what he did, cheating with Britney and Cameron, leaving me heartbroken. Sometimes I even wondered if I should rekindle my relationship with Dave. It would be safe and comfortable. But to be honest, I wanted J more than anything. 

Only he was taken. So why was I in his arms? 

I sat there in a few minutes just thinking and soaking the words of the song in. Then I heard the next song and wanted to bawl; it was the most beautiful song I'd heard in forever. The words begged me to give him another chance. Here, read - you'll see. 
You've been alone 
You've been afraid 
I've been a fool 
In so many ways 
But I would change my life 
If you thought you might try to love me 
So please give me another chance 
To write you another song 
Take back those things I've done 
Cause I'll give you my heart 
If you would let me start all over again 
I'm not a saint 
I'm just a man 
Who had heaven and earth in the palm of his hand 
But I threw it away 
So now I stand here today asking forgiveness 
And if you could just 
Please give me another chance 
To write you another song 
Take back those things I've done 
Cause I'll give you my heart 
If you would let me start all over again 
Little girl, you're all I've got 
Don't you leave me standing here once again 
Cause I'll give you my life (yes I would) 
If you would let me try to love you 
So please give me another chance 
To write you another song 
And take back those things I've done 
Cause I'll give you my heart 
If you would let me start all over again 
Again oh 
No no 
oh oh 
You know I love you (yeah) 
Give me one more chance 
No No 
No No No No 

What the hell do you do when shit like that happens? I wanted to bolt but I was too scared to please J and truthfully … myself. Shit. All the words for the songs, especially the one that last played. I was frozen with tears rolling down my face. Him cheating didn't stop me from loving him; I just needed to leave for my own pride, you know? I sat there thinking of what he was saying when he leaned over for a kiss and I didn't stop him. It wasn't a huge make-out kiss, just a sweet, tender kiss that only lasted a few moments. Then he slowly kissed my cheeks, kissing away my tears and it was almost like old times again. But there was a problem! He was with someone else! How could he write those songs for me when he was fucking Cameron Diaz every night? Touching here, kissing her, holding her like he did with me? Did they make love like we did? Did they eat together with her cooking for him? Did they have friends come over and eat and drink and be merry like we did? This was all too much to take and I leaned even further onto him, wrapping my arms around his waist for strength. Just for a few minutes, God, let me hold him and pretend things were how they used to be. 

"Well, what do you think?" he asked me, and I could see the uncertainty in his eyes. 

I told the truth. "They're awesome, J. I just … I'm of sure what to say." 

"Say yes," he answered confidently. I wanted to more than anything but there was that one big thing. 

"But Justin, what about Cameron? You remember her, your girlfriend? How can you write these songs for me and expect me to just give in, take you back when you're already taken? And how can I ever trust you again after you cheated on me three times? First Britney twice, then 
Cameron. I'm not some puppet that you can just pull out of a closet and use whenever you want, J. I have feelings and pride and I won't be used. I won't by anyone, not even you." 

He stared at me for a while before answering. "Look … things between me and Cam are loose. We see each other when we see each other and definitely don't live together. I had to invite her to the christening," he paused when he saw my face contort "but I plan on ending things with her. Having Riley has changed my whole life, T. I want us to be together again and be a family. I'm old enough now; I know you were scared before that I wasn't ready to settle down but now I know I am. Every time I look at you and that baby I just want to get down on one knee! I love you, Tara Wallace. I have almost from the moment I met you and I always will. And now we have a daughter and I plan to be there, changing diapers, feeding her, reading her books. And I want us to have another baby too, so I can go through the whole process with you and so Riley can have a sibling. I want the white picket fence, everything, and I want it with you. The only question is if you'll have me. So will you? Will you at least try?" 

Still snuggled up against him but looking deep into his eyes as he said the words I secretly longed to hear, I was still frozen. I wanted to say yes to him but I had too many reservations. If Justin and I were ever to get back together, it would take a lot of time for him to make me fully trust him again. He still had a girlfriend yet here he was saying these things to me, singing these songs for me! Where's the trust there? 

And good Lord, how was I going to deal with Cameron? I'd met her a few times at J's club shows, but she cheated with him when she knew we were together. I hated that bitch and I'd be damned if I said anything but hello to her. Why was she coming anyway? 

I asked him that same thing. "If you and Cameron are breaking up, then why is she even coming? This is all a little hard to believe, Justin." 

He shrugged. "It was all her, I swear. She got a ticket and basically told me she was coming. I was gonna tell her not to, but then I figured the breakup needed to be done in person … so I'm going to bite the bullet and tell her after the christening." 

Great. So I had to see them hanging all over each other until the breakup? This christening was driving me crazy and I couldn't wait till it was over. I was so glad that Sasha and Jen were here with me. I needed their support now more than ever. 

Just then there was a knock at the door. "Yeah?" Justin called out and in came Jen and Sasha. Right on time, my girls. 

"We need to go to the airport to pick up our parents," they reminded me and Justin and I immediately separated myself from him. 

Sasha eyed me, having seen how close we were before but she didn't say anything. She didn't have to. I already knew what both of them were thinking and I knew I had an earful coming when we were alone. 

"I'll take you," Justin hopped up. "We'll take the truck so there's plenty of room for everyone. T, you coming, too?" He gave me a hopeful look and I knew he wanted to spend as much time with me as possible before Cameron arrived but I was tired. And I needed to be alone to think things through, so I shook my head. 

"No," I said apologetically, "I think I'm just gonna take a nap with Smiley. It's been a long day already and I don't want to leave her." 

Justin protested. "But my Momma will watch her, you know that. C'mon, it'll do you good to get out." 

I shook my head. "J, I'm tired. You guys go and when you get back, both of us will be up and refreshed. I'll see you later," I told him as I curled up on the bed, ready to doze off. 

Everyone said his or her goodbyes but just before he left, Justin said, "Listen to that music again, okay? For me, just listen to it one more time." He gazed at me intently and I saw determination in his eyes. Damn it, he wasn't going to let up and I wasn't sure that I wanted him to either. 

"Fine," I said sleepily. "Now go. I'm tired." I didn't mean t be curt but he was hanging around the door like he wasn't going anywhere and Jen and Sash needed to get to the airport. 

"Bye, baby," he said and my heart flip-flopped. I lay there and started to doze when unknowingly my hand reached out and pressed play on the boom box. The sounds of Justin singing sweetly lulled me into the most peaceful sleep. 

Unfortunately, I knew that when I woke up and Cameron arrived, it was going to turn into a nightmare. 

I was going to be ready. 

I had to decide if I wanted Justin back and if I did, I had to fight for him. 

All I wanted was for the christening to be over so we could go back home to normalcy. But for now, sleep was a good escape. 

I needed to be ready for the action tomorrow. Something big was about to go down. 

Justin’s POV:

It was here. The day of reckoning had come.

Cameron was about to walk off the ramp of arriving passengers, and there I stood (with Trace, of course) waiting for her. My stomach was in knots and I had a headache like you wouldn’t believe. I mean it was THIS fucking big only nobody had any fucking Excedrin or whatever.

Idiots.

Tara and I had been spending the best time together; just her, me, and Riley bonding as a family. Now here was Cam coming to fuck it all up. My big plan to let her down easy all but flew out the window the second I saw her breezing past all the people doing double-takes, rushing towards me like crazy. For some strange reason all my anger and tension evaporated and I was actually glad to see her.

Cameron kinda brings sunshine and happiness wherever she goes. It’s no wonder that she and Drew Barrymore are best friends, they give off that mood-child kind of energy.

“Justin!” she cried, dropping her carry-on bag and lunging for me, wrapping her legs around my hips. Cam is by no means fat but fuck, she’s a BIG GIRL. Almost as tall as me, and so I staggered backwards, barely managing to keep myself upright.

“Hey baby,” I said half-heartedly but she didn’t even notice, so happy was she to see me. I felt like shit because up until then I hadn’t given a fuck if I saw her or not. I mean, most of me wanted to be at home with Tara and Riley and fuck it, even Sasha had a familiarity about her that I could sometimes appreciate. She told it like it was; I can’t fault her for that although I can fault her for lots of other shit. Anyway, I was going to try real hard to be nice because Cam is always, well, nice. To me, at least. “How was your flight?”

“Fine!” she squeaked. “Hey Trace! What’s up, dude?” she said in her Valley girl accent. It grated on my nerves; I was getting used to Tara’s soft sort of Southern voice again. It was like music to my ears lately.

Shit! What the fuck was I gonna do? If I wanted Tara I needed to get rid of Cameron, only she hadn’t done one fucking thing wrong – other than enticing me to cheat in the first place. I had no valid reason to break her heart and that was all I wanted to do. Now … I don’t know. I want Tara but I’m too chicken shit to take a chance and maybe end up alone if she won’t take me back and I can’t stand not being in a relationship. My mom calls me a serial monogamist; I’ve had a girlfriend almost steadily since I was like twelve years old! Give or take a few months here and there, I’m always coupled up. But I knew Tara wasn’t ready to trust me just yet. It was gonna take a lot of time and patience.

And I wasn’t quite sure I was ready to just dump Cameron either. We’d been together for almost a year, at least unofficially anyway, and things were pretty good. She was fun; she liked to party when I wanted to, chill when I wanted to, she even tried to learn how to play golf. The girl just tried so damn hard to be the one for me. Surely she deserved some of my heart, right? But slowly I was finding that she didn’t come first anymore and girlfriend or lovers, they’re supposed to come in at the very least second or third. Cam was behind Riley, Momma and Tara now.

I turned my head up to the ceiling of the airport and prayed for some immediate fix out of my problems. Like always, it didn’t work.

Yesterday when I got back from taking Jen and Sasha to pick up their parents, Tara avoided me. That was because of the songs, I know. She couldn’t deal with the emotions I put into them, especially the last one. That’s my heart, right there. I poured more soul and emotion into those songs that any other ones I’ve written, except for maybe “Cry Me a River” and the song I did with Brian McKnight. Two totally different songs but written for the exact same reasons. And I could honestly say that never, not one fucking time did writing a song for Cameron ever enter my head. It’s like, if she’s here, she’s here; if she’s outta sight, then she’s outta mind. It ain’t right, I know, but that’s the way it is. And the more time I spent with my family and Tara, the more down to earth I seemed to become. Maybe living in L.A. wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Maybe all I needed was some acres of land and a house by Momma’s and Granny’s and chill, flying out to do shit but having a steady home base.

I was dreaming all this stuff up while lackadaisically pulling along Cam’s travel bags when she stopped right in front of me, a very serious expression on her face.

“What?” I asked, totally confused. I’d hugged her, made a fuss over her, I was carrying her freaking luggage for crying out loud, what more did this crazy bitch want? Sorry, calling her a bitch wasn’t right. Like I said, I had a lot on my mind and I didn’t need to take it out on her. Trace would do just fine.

“You didn’t even kiss me hello,” she said petulantly and while I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, Trace, however, was not so kind and so I had to stifle a laugh, turning it into a grin. “I’m sorry,” I dropped the luggage handle and gave her a quick – and when I say quick I mean quick – kiss, “but we’re in an airport and the two of us will stick out if we keep hanging around. So let’s get in the car, okay?

“Okay!” she chirped and I was instantly annoyed again. Because once Tara got a load of how ‘close’ Cameron and I allegedly am, she wouldn’t touch me with a ten-foot pole. Already I was dreading the little lunch my mom had set up back at the house, where there was gonna be alcohol. Tara turns into a beast when she drinks and she hasn’t had a drink in like nine months. And I was just making some progress, too. We’d been hanging out all day yesterday, holding the baby and talking about the christening and whatnot. She still didn’t mention the songs but neither did I, although I had noticed that she never returned the boom box I’d brought to her. Hopefully she was still listening to them, letting them seep into her brain.

I was slowly letting her trust me again, to get to know me as I am now, not the person I was before. Because Riley changed all of that. She came into my world and, like, everything just instantly changed. Flowers bloomed – okay, I know it was May, but still – crickets chirped, the sun was out. We spent most of our time outside with my grandparents and Momma and Dad, and even Daddy stopped by with Lisa and the boys to see her. I think my brothers were a little jealous because of all the attention the baby was getting but I pulled them aside for a quick game of basketball and paid them some extra special attention so they seemed okay. Even me and Sasha were getting along – despite the few times she yanked my baby away from me and almost got a fist upside her head. But like I said, I was trying and I kept everything under control and Tara had a nice, relaxing day, I think. She pretty much forgot Cam was coming until this morning when I announced we – me and Trace – had to go and pick her up. After that it was like a piece of steel inserted itself in her back and she pretty much kept away from me until we left. I could only thank God that all the rooms at Momma’s house were full and Cameron would be staying with my grandparents, not that it mattered since we’d be hanging together most of the night anyway. But later wasn’t what I was dreading; it was Tara and Cameron meeting again that had me tied up in knots.

Cam, oblivious to my troubled thoughts as usual, talked on and on in her own little world. She was really excited to see the baby and my family again. She didn’t like the bombshell that she’d be sleeping with my grandparents but I figured it was better to drop the bomb before we got there than get into a fight in front of everyone. Again, Trace didn’t count.

“What the fuck do you mean, we’re not sleeping together?” she exclaimed, leaning over her seat to look at me crouched down low beside the baby seat, wishing I was invisible. “We slept together in your room before … why the change all of a sudden, Justin?”

I shrugged, buying myself some time. “Well, Momma thinks since there’re guests staying over that it might look inappropriate – you know, me christening a baby I had with one woman while sleeping with the other. It just doesn’t look right, you know? Before it was just us but now it’s … it’s just the way it is, Cam. Can’t you cut me some slack here? I got enough shit going on without you cussing me out.”

She sat back against her seat, closed her arms over her chest and harrumphed. “Sounds like you want some private time with Tara, is what it sounds like,” she said surprisingly perceptive but not altogether true.

“Look, you were the one who insisted on coming here. You knew Tara and her family and friends were coming and you knew what that meant. I tried to explain it to you but you swore you could keep your cool. Now if that’s not gonna happen, we can turn right around and book you on the next flight out of here. It’s up to you, Cam. My baby’s day isn’t going to be spoiled over some petty bickering. And what’re you complaining about anyway? Tara and I aren’t together, fuck it, I didn’t even know where the fuck she was until a month ago! You think I’d just slide back into bed with her? Do you think she would let me slide back into bed with her? Jesus!” I yelled at no one in particular, then slouched down even lower and pulled my head down further. This was some shit I did not need.

And there she went surprising me again. “Okay, Justin,” she said sanely, all traces of yelling gone. “If you want me to act like the perfect girlfriend – assuming I still am your girlfriend – then I will. I’ll be nice and polite and hospitable and happy. I’m sure Tara won’t be too happy to see me so I’ll make sure I stay out of her way. And her friends, too, they’re pretty nasty. But anyway, no worries,” an annoying phrase she’s picked up from Australia or someplace and refused to let go.

Trace snorted and I kicked the back of his seat. “Fine. That sounds like the perfect plan to me. Keep away from them and believe me, they will keep away from you. And stop taking everything so personal, okay?” I softened, because all this woman had ever done was love me. Yeah, and cause me to cheat on the love of my life, but that’s a whole ‘nother story. “This is all about the baby. Everything. And if you can’t accept the fact that I’m a”, I got choked up for a moment at saying the words, “that I’m a Daddy, then you really shouldn’t be here. Do you feel me?”

She nodded and turned to flash that million-dollar smile at me. While she did so I could see she hadn’t been using that medicine her dermatologist had given her very much. Her face looked awful and I couldn’t help but compare it to Tara’s brown, smooth, caramel perfection of a face. Do I know how to pick them or what? When you first start dating these girls, their make up is perfect, skin gleaming and pink as a baby’s bottom. Then there’s a rash here, a break out there, and suddenly its acne city. But once I’m a goner for a girl I’m a goner and it’s not like I never had a pimple before. I just dealt with it, but still, it did make me appreciate Tara’s pretty, smooth skin. Shaking my head, I tried to focus on what she was saying.

“I love you, Justin,” she said again, as she had a thousand times before. Fuck me, but I just couldn’t fucking say it back. She always reassured me that it was okay, that I’d been burned with love before and that she was willing to wait until I was ready. Which at this point would probably be never, but anyway. Back to what she was saying: “Anything that’s a part of you, I’m gonna love. I don’t care how many people there are; just like we’re adjusting to Riley in your life, Tara will have to adjust to my role in your life, too.” Trace snorted one more fucking time – like dude, you are in so much shit -- and I knew exactly what he was snorting about. Thankfully, we pulled into our driveway and Trace and I had to carry this enormous amount of luggage that Cam had to bring.

It got on my nerves. Hell, she got on my nerves. To be fair, just about everyone and everything got on my nerves except for Riley and Tara lately. All I wanted was a day, or maybe even two, of just the three of us to see what it would it would be like to be a pretend family. To be together and not worry about people watching. The more I thought it the more I…

Thank God just then my mom came with reinforcements, but not Riley, the only fucking person I was interested in seeing right now.

“Where’s the baby?” Cam asked cheerily, looking around for her. “I’m, like, dying to see her! The pics Justin sent me were soo cute!”

Did every sentence have to start with an exclamation point? Momma just smiled, knowing I was at my wit's end.

“She’s inside, napping, honey,” she told Cam. “C’mon inside and sit down, relax. Justin and Trace already got you settled next door – you know we wouldn’t have put you anyplace but here but we just ran out of room!” she held up her hands helplessly and smiled. As we walked toward the door, Jen stood just inside of it wearing an expression I'd never seen cross her normally pleasant face. She all but glared at Cameron. Trace took the opportunity to introduce them but when Cam extended a hand in greeting, Jen – sweet, wholesome Jen who I had never so much as heard curse -- turned her back on Cam and stalked into the house.

“Ohh-kaay,” Cam said, still unaffected. “One down, two to go.” You had to give it to her for being a trouper. Most girls would’ve dropped their shit and run after a welcome like that. But the next welcome was better. Sasha appeared at the foot of the stairs, holding Riley, looking adorable in a pretty white dress with yellow daisies on it. She, too, glared at Cameron, who smiled and rushed over to the baby, saying, “Oh let me see, she’s so precious!”

Big, big mistake.

Sasha immediately threw Riley over her shoulder to hide her from Cameron. “Riley just woke up and needs to be fed and changed. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll take care of that and you can go do … whatever it is that you do. Hi Trace.” It wasn’t hard to notice that she purposely left me out of the hellos but what the fuck? I was used to that shit by now. Anyway, she went off into a guest bedroom that she and Jen had taken over and performed those nasty baby duties while we all stood around trying to make small talk and pretend that what just happened didn’t really happen.

It didn’t work. The silence was deafening until we heard another noise coming down the staircase. My heart started thumping because there was only one other person left up there and sure enough, it was her.

Tara.

Dressed exactly like Riley, in a Mommy and daughter type outfit thing. I sure hoped somebody was taking pictures because they both looked so adorable and I wanted to be able to look back and remember this day. I always thought that dressing alike shit was corny but more and more I was becoming that corny guy that I always swore I’d never become. I just couldn’t stop looking at Tara, though. Man, her legs went on forever in that thing, and she had these white, strappy, sandals on with a heel on them to show them off all the better. I couldn’t talk for fear of saying something stupid so I was wondering who was going to speak next when…

Tara’s POV:

So there she was; that man-stealing tramp who had the fucking nerve, the fucking audacity to come to MY baby’s christening. Part of me wanted to hit her with a left hook but it wasn’t my house. Fuck a few charges of battery or assault, it would all have been worth it, but I couldn’t risk time away from my baby, so I just went with the flow. Everyone was sort of gathered in the kitchen and the dining room, holding plates of food and I waved to everyone while roving through the crowd to find my baby. Sasha sneaked up behind me and handed her to me; freshly changed and powdered so she smelled extra good. I had even tied her thick, curly hair into a tiny ponytail on top of her head with a yellow ribbon. Never had I seen a baby with as much hair as my daughter. I mean she was born with a huge, full head of almost shoulder length hair and it never fell out, just kept on coming. And she loved hair, twirling her own when she would catch it between her chubby fingers or constantly grabbing for mine, Jen or Sasha’s. She was a born girly-girl, that’s for sure. I’d bought these mother and daughter outfits right after she was born and it was nice to have a place to wear them where they’d be appreciated. Everyone said hello and Sadie (or Granny) came right over to me.

“Oh look, you’re both matched. Somebody take a picture, would you? This is just too cute!” So we smiled for a few minutes before my stomach started chewing itself inside out and I stalked over to Justin and his Amazonian monster, dumping Smiley in his lap. “I’m hungry; she already ate but she’s fussy so don’t be handling her around to people okay? Keep her still and quiet.” I gave him the Jedi mind trick and I knew that he knew exactly who and what I was talking about. I managed to say my piece and remove myself from as far away from her as possible. I needed a drink and I was going to have one damn it. My breasts now belonged to me, sorry Smiley Riley.

"Can she eat some of the cobbler? Just like the juice or something?”

I rolled my eyes. Ever since we’d arrived, people had been sneaking her just a smidgen of this or a smidgen of that; not caring that she was only on baby foods. Shaking my head, I only said, “If she’s up all night with indigestion and gas, that’s your problem, buddy.” Not stopping my stride, I went over to the other side of the table and poured myself a huge glass of wine and immediately began sipping from it. Mmmmm. That was really hitting the spot. Within seconds Jen was at my side, breathing fire down my neck? “ Do you see that? The way she’s breathing all up in her face? Riley probably wants to throw up.”

I chucked. “Wait till he has to change her. I bet her ass’ll be nowhere to be found,” the two of us laughed as Sasha finally joined us.

‘What the fuck is so funny? Next thing you know they’ll be posing for pictures and decorating the house with them.” Just then someone did take a picture of them and I stifled my laughter or else I would’ve spewed Zinfandel across the room.

“Who cares, y’all. She’s part of their family too, you have to remember. I mean, she belongs to us, but sometimes we have to let them touch her or something. I mean … I don’t mind Lynn and his grandparents but the others I could do without. Especially her…but one day she’s going to want to know them and it’s not like I have family floating around, so…

Getting choked up at the sight of all of Justin’s family and friends and how much they loved him made me miss my own family. That was a big part of why I was here; I could’ve easily made them all come to Maryland for the ceremony but I wanted Riley to know she had another family that loved and cared for her as much as my motley crew of a family did.

“Aww, sweetie,” Sasha hugged me so I knew she’d been drinking since she was being sentimental, “don’t get sad. You’ve always got us and Mike and Aurora and my mom and dad and even JJ, who you can have by the way, if you want him. You do have a family and don’t you ever go around not thinking it. It hurts our feelings when you say those things.” She kissed my forehead and smoothed back the wayward curls that had escaped from my white and yellow headband that matched my outfit.

I smiled and took a huge gulp of wine, which was going straight to my head. Which was good, because eyeing Cameron getting too close to my baby was making me pissed off and I needed a distraction. “What’s there to eat? I’m starving…” And with that, we entered the kitchen and busily chowed down with some old school fried chicken, potato salad and cornbread, among other things. I stayed in there for two reasons: one, because I am way too possessive about Riley and would’ve flipped out had anyone else held her besides immediate family members; and two, I needed to be as far away from Cameron as possible or else there was going to be a big fight. So I hung out with Mike and the girls and trusted Lynn to make sure the baby was okay. I had to learn to give a little of her, you know? Not be so territorial all the time. Pretty soon though, just as the sun was going down, I went to get Riley to feed her some more – I knew people had been feeding her or she would’ve let out a rebel yell hours ago – but I wanted to bathe her before putting her to sleep. But Lynn was already one step ahead of me.

“Oh please, let me do it,” she begged, holding Riley away from me. I hadn’t seen her in over an hour; she’d been perched on Justin’s hip and lap constantly unless he was showing her off or playing with her. If he or she wasn’t with her then Granny and Pop-Pop were, or Justin’s dad or Paul – I just knew she was in good hands. And if I didn’t Sasha made it her business to know so.

I stifled a yawn. It was just about eight and I was already sleepy – probably from all the wine I’d been drinking. I looked over at Justin and Cameron curled up on the couch together – actually she was curled against him while he regaled someone else with another one of his famous stories and figured I could use a break. From everything, to be honest. “Do you know where all of her things are? I laid out her pajama’s and stuff but the baby bath is—“

“In her suitcase, with the baby lotion and powder,” she announced proudly. “Believe me, I wiped more asses than you’ll ever know, honey. Just go out back, kick your shoes off and enjoy the evening now that it’s cool out. If anything happens, anything at all, I’ll tell Justin and he’ll start screaming and get you in here, promise.” I certainly knew that was true, so I wandered back over to the dining room table and poured myself a Jack and Coke and then went find Jen. Lord knew where Sasha was, since JC had show up a littler earlier. I told her I was going out back to get some rest and to come get me if anything happened and to keep an eye out for Riley just in case. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Lynn, but Jen was a real-life doctor so her word was a bit more informed than the average person if you know what I mean.

At any rate, I felt free to have a few minutes to myself. So I went outside and sat down on a swing way in the back of Granny’s garden. It was filled with flowers and so pretty; I could just about make out everything from the lights shining between the two houses so I simply sat gazing around, at the pretty things until I saw them. Justin was walking Cameron over to his grandparents and I felt like a peeping Tom. I knew I should’ve turned away or left but I was too nosy; I wanted to see how they interacted. Was it the same as with me? They were holding hands and surprise of all surprises; it hurt me to see it. A lot. I know I should be used to it by now, it’s been over a year since we were together but still those things do have a way of kicking you when you’re down. I always knew alcohol was an antidepressant, which is why I never drank it much, it reminded me too much of my many problems, wants and needs, although there were times where I would forget everything and just have a good time. I’d been doing that all day until I saw him holding her hand God only know what was going on the bedroom, noticing that the light had just flickered on. What a pig! In his grandparents house? Couldn’t he have some decency, some morals, some…?

Just then I saw him come outside and carefully close the door. Which meant nothing much could’ve happened; he wasn’t in there for more than five minutes, tops. Hating myself for it, I felt relief wash over me anyway.

Damn it.

“Hmmm,” I said to myself quietly, shocked but happy. Maybe I was shocked because I was happy. What did I care about where he stuck his dick now? None of my business.

“Hey, T,” he stood on the other side of the basketball court and eyed me. Unless he’s a psychic, I have no idea how he saw me sitting in the dusk. He walked over and stood over me, hands in his pockets. “Mind if I sit with you for awhile?”

Shrugging, I scooted over and he settled down beside me. I sipped my drink and continued to stare outside at the garden, not sure of what to say.

“Did you have a good time today?” he asked me softly, scuffing his feet against the ground as we gently swung.

I sighed. Did I? Actually it wasn’t so bad, since Cameron knew better than to come anywhere near me or my baby. “Yeah, it was nice. Everybody seemed to get along,” I replied.

He scoffed. “You know you don’t even mean that. Jen practically punched Cam in the face and Sasha was looking ready to do some kung-fu fighting,” he said and we both laughed at the truth of it.

But even though it was funny, it was exactly what was supposed to go down and he knew it. “What did you think was gonna happen, Justin? That I was gonna let some trick that cheated on me with my boyfriend hold my baby? I don’t want her anywhere near her and I mean it or there will be some fists flying. Trust.” I said in an uncharacteristically angry manner. Riley was mine. Not anyone else’s. Sure, Justin was a part of her but nobody was touching my baby girl without my permission. And I’d back that shit up if I had to. Just to add emphasis to my statement, I swallowed the rest of my drink, which I maybe shouldn’t have because it immediately made me woozy and I almost tilted off the swing. Luckily Justin caught me behind my back just in time and pulled me to him.

“Whoa!” he said. “Take it easy there, girl. I wasn’t arguing with you. I understand where you’re coming from. T …if you want to know the truth, I didn’t want Cam to come at all. And when she insisted, I planned on breaking up with her. I mean, we were together but not ‘together’, you know? We just hang. Whatever happens, happens. It wasn’t like … with you and me..”

“Stop right there,” I held up my hand to him. “I don’t even want to hear it, Justin. You and me are over. It’s in the past. Those songs you wrote…” I stopped and thought for a minute “…they were beautiful. And I loved them. I cried over them. But don’t you get it? I’ve wasted too many tears over you. I can’t do it anymore. If I keep fucking around with you, one day I’m not gonna have anymore tears left to cry and nothing left to give to anybody else. I want someone to love me, and only me, and only want to be with me. And you just can’t do that!”

“Yes I can!” Justin answered, grabbing my hand. “I can do that. I can be everything you need, T. I can be your J, not your Justin. I can be Riley’s Daddy. I can be everything you want me to be.” He pulled me close, putting one hand to my cheek. “I love you, Tara Wallace. I never stopped loving you. I was just too dumb to come and find you when I should have. Please … don’t throw away another chance because I was stupid. Baby … please…” and then his lips touched mine and I was lost in another world, a year ago when we were together and everything was perfect. We were together and life was wonderful. We kissed so softly, so sweetly, and then I heard Riley cry and it broke the haze I was in. Immediately I moved away and got up, if a bit unsteadily.

Justin just sat on the bench, looking sad. “Tara, please … let me show you that I can be what you need.”

Just before I turned away, I stopped and told him what he needed to hear. “If you can be what I need, then why is she here?” And without waiting for an answer I rushed off to my comfort, my sweet baby girl. She was what I needed.

Not Justin.

Not J.

Not anymore.

Justin's POV: 

I was chilling in my bedroom - well not really my bedroom. I was stuck in the basement since the house has been taken over by the Tara contingent. I didn't care, though. Paul has a nice stereo system hooked up down here and I actually spend a lot of time here when I visit, which admittedly ain't often. But I was lying on the pullout couch, which sucks, wires sticking up and everything, listening to some slow jams and reflecting. Remembering. Memories of me and Tara when we were together. Fuck if I knew why I was daydreaming about my ex when Cameron was just like fifty feet away but I was. 

I do. All the time. 

Man, I tried tonight. I told Tara I could give her everything I know she wants and she still shut me down. I swear, if she hadn't heard Riley crying in the distance I would've had her, right here with me, listening to music and holding her soft body in my arms again. What I wouldn't give- 

What the fuck? Somebody knocked on the door. Must be Momma. I got up, not bothering to put a robe on over my boxers and opened the door to find her. 

Tara. 

Shit. She was all wrapped up in a silky pink robe with her hair down and curling all around her, smelling like that perfume Fracas she used to always wear when we were together. What the hell was she doing here? 

"T?" I didn't know what else to say. 

She was breathing hard and she looked angry. "Move," she said, and pushed past me into the room. Dumbfounded, I just closed the door and turned around to look at her like what the fuck? Because I had no idea what I had done to make her so pissed. She wasn't pissed when I last saw her and- 

And there she went interrupting my thoughts, getting all up in my face. "You make me sick, Justin? Do you know that? You come back into my life, no, stupid asshole that I am, I let you back into my life, and you start talking this old shit again. Writing songs for me. Smiling at me, touching me. Kissing me. With your fucking girlfriend right next door!" 

She wasn't screaming, more like talking in a loud whisper and God help me but she's never looked sexier in her life. I wanted to say something but she wouldn't let me. 

"I'm sick of the shit you put me through, Justin. In and out, back and forth. You're mine, you're not. We're together, then you're fucking around behind my back. I leave you almost four months pregnant and you don't even notice. When is it all gonna stop being all about you and what you want? It's time for you to MAN UP, Justin," I could smell the alcohol on her breath. "If you want me, show me. Work for it, motherfucker. Man up, show and prove, do something to show me you're worth it. Because right now I haven't seen SHIT. You got it? You want me? Come and get me." 

And with that she stepped back and started to leave but something in me snapped. Man up, huh? She wanted me to show her what I wanted? I had no fucking problem with that. She knew what I wanted and even though I was gonna show her with my body, she would know that that wasn't all I wanted. 

Grabbing her arm, I flipped her around and pulled her up against me hard. Her breathing was as hard as mine was and we both just stared at each other for awhile, taking in the moment. Then I put my hand around the back of her head and crushed her lips to mine, giving her the hardest, most forceful kiss I think I ever have. I always try to be soft and gentle with her, well, not all the time but most of the time, but this wasn't the time for that. It was time to man up, right? Well that's exactly what she was gonna get. 

At first she struggled a little bit but the more she struggled the more I wore her down until that ass was mine. She didn't have anything on underneath that flimsy ass robe either and I pulled away from the kiss to slide my hands up under her legs, cupping her ass. "You come here wearing this, drunk off your ass?" I asked her, almost sneering. She didn't want soft foreplay. We wanted to fight, and we never fought with words; we fought in bed.

"I … I didn't come here for this," she said uncertainly, her lips already looking pillowy and bruised. Wait 'till I was finished. 

Sliding my hand around to untie the robe and open it so I could put my arms around her waist to pull her up against me, skin to skin, oh yeah. "Don't give me that bullshit. Where's Riley?" I asked, still sounding angry.

"What?" she asked, confused.

"Where's Riley?" I growled, slapping her ass to make my point.

Looking dazed and confused, not sure what she'd gotten herself into, she said softly, "With Jen and Sasha … she's sleeping and I-"

"You what? Wanted to come down here to torture me? Wanted to tell me to 'man up'? Well, I'm man enough for you baby. And it's time we got this shit over with. We're gonna be together, Tara, and Cameron or Sasha or no fucking body is gonna stop us this time. You don't come down here wearing this and get in my face all drunk and not expect me to react like a fucking man. Riley's safe, and we're alone. So what do you think is gonna happen?" 

Then she surprised me, getting all mad again, still whispering harshly. "You wanna fuck me with your girlfriend next door? Is that what you think of me? Or is that what you think of her? That's fucked up, Justin, even for you. What're you gonna do, roll outta your bed with me and go over there and get another nut? This shit is priceless, I swear," she shook her head at me in disgust. 

"We ain't going anywhere," I backed her up till she was at the edge of the pullout sofa. Then, despite her struggling, I stripped that robe off of her, knowing she wouldn't make any loud noises because she'd wake up like fifteen people. "We're staying right here and I'm making love to you. You want me to man up? Well I'm up baby, and you're gonna be the one to make me go down." 

She brought her hands up to my face but I grabbed them and kissed her again, not as hard but softer, till her lips went from stiff to pliant and soft. More and more her body softened against me until I felt her knees begin to weaken so I slowly lowered her down to the bed. Totally naked. Body against mine, skin to skin. Oh man have I wanted this for forever. I linked our hands together and stretched our arms up over our heads, and then I left hers there and let mine wander down around her body. To her full breasts, over her slightly softer stomach to those womanly hips. Then I went for the gold, sliding my hands under her and going for the ass. Oh yeah, baby. That's what I missed the most. She must have missed it too because she just lay there moaning, running her hands through my hair and over my shoulders and back. 

I felt like I really was at home again. I mean, I know I was at home, but this time I really knew it. 

"Justin," she whispered, her hands running through me hair. Shit made me shiver. "I don't think we should do this … you're with someone and I'm…"

That made me stop. She what? Was she messing with some other dude? Aww, hell to the NAW. I lifted myself up over her and stared into her eyes. "You what? Are you fucking somebody else, T?" 

I don't know why. It didn't matter what kind of dirt I did, it only mattered that she stay mine. Nobody else's. It killed me to think that she had fucked around with the asshole Dave when we were broken up, going so far as to even get ENGAGED (albeit briefly) to him but you know I took care of that shit with a quickness. Now she was with someone else? When? How? I talked to her every day and I mean every day to see how my baby was doing and she never mentioned anything about it. Tara is mine, always was and always will be. Nobody can touch her and I mean that shit or I'm gonna throw a fit like no one's ever seen. 

"No!" she looked me in the eye and I believed her. "I don't … you know me better than that." Ahh, yeah. That's my girl. 

"Then what?" What the fuck was going on?

"I'm … sort of … dating someone … we've been seeing each other since Riley was three months old," she finally broke it to me.

I felt like the top of my head was going to fly off. "WHAT?!" I whispered back. "You've been dating someone for EIGHT months and didn't tell me? Where was he when I was around, huh? He too much of a punk to show up when I'm there?" I asked, furious. I didn't want to think of her being that serious with anyone. God forbid they were sleeping together, I think I'd punch a fucking wall. No one got to me like this girl. 

Struggling to sit up but still naked so I kept getting distracted, she tried to calm me down. She knows how I get about her. "Justin, no! Chill for a minute okay? We're kinda seeing each other … nothing serious. And NO I'm not fucking anybody. I just had a baby, for crying out loud. Jen just introduced me to a doctor she knows and we meet for drinks every once in awhile or go to a movie. Nothing's going on, although why I'm explaining myself to you whose girlfriend is next door is beyond comprehension," she said dryly. 

I got up off of her and started pacing the floor. Rubbing my head, I tried to calm down. "Why didn't you tell me about this before, Tara?" I asked through gritted teeth. "Why didn't this come up when you were filling me in on everything? Why isn't he here, if he's so fucking important that you can't be with me!" God I wanted to break stuff like Limp Bizkit sang. 

She must've forgotten that she was naked because she came over to try and console me. See how crazy, how volatile we are? We were made for each other, I swear. She knew the torture I was going through thinking of her with somebody else, even though my somebody else was right next door and she still tried to make me feel better. 

"Justin," she put her hands on my shoulders and rubbed them softly, trying to calm me down. "Tim is nothing special … he's just someone to talk to, you know? Everybody needs companionship - you should know that better than anyone," she reminded me and I felt like shit when I realized the situation I was in. But I wanted her, more than anything. I wanted her, the baby, and me together in my house, living our lives and having more babies while I made beautiful music for her. No more hate songs for Britney. No more revenge songs. Just songs for her and my baby. Didn't she hear me pour my heart out in those songs I played for her? Didn't she know that Cameron was just someone to have around? 

And then I got it. Companionship. That's what's she had with "Tim". Fucker. Hope I never lay eyes on him. But it was time to show her what I had that Tim didn't. 

I had her heart. And it was time to take it back. 

"Baby," I said, putting my arms around her waist and getting distracted again by the feel of her naked body against mine," You just left. You told me you didn't want me anymore. I knew where you were and I knew if something went wrong that Sasha would tell JC and I'd know. I was fucked in the head, yeah, cheating on you, but I'd never do that again. You gotta believe me. You don't need anybody else. Who knows you like I do? Who knows what you like I do?" and I started to nuzzle her neck while my hands traveled upward to play with her hair and sure enough she softened in my arms. 

"Justin, sex doesn't solve anything? What's gonna change if we make love tonight, what's gonna happen tomorrow? We'll both come downstairs and pose for pictures while Cameron waits off to the side for you. Then you're gonna go to her and I'm gonna be alone again," she said sadly and it felt like my heart was breaking. I never, never wanted Tara to be alone. Didn't she know she was always first on my mind? Well now Riley was, but she was right there with her. They were like my whole world now, all I thought about. I had to show her, make her understand that I loved her and only her. So I showed her the only way I know how. 

I reached down and picked her up and carried her over to the bed. She let me because her vulnerability was showing and she needed to be held and caressed. And man was I the one to do that. 

"Baby, you're never gonna be alone again," I told her. "I'm never gonna leave your side again," I told her as I lay her down and pulled her close to me, stroking her all over her heart-shaped face. Man, I loved that face. 

"Let me love you, baby. Didn't you hear the words to the song I wrote for you? I was a fool, T. Let me prove to you that I'm a man now." As I spoke I let my hands glide over her hips and thighs, slowly trying to get to where I wanted to be. I let my lips nuzzle her neck some more, then her cheeks, and then slowly trickle over to her lips, finally capturing them and stopping her protests. 

Have you ever drowned in a kiss? Have you ever had a kiss like in that movie Bull Durham where Kevin Costner says something like he likes long, slow, hot kisses that last for days? That's what that kiss felt like. Hours would've passed, people could've come in and out, the fucking apocalypse would've happened and I wouldn't have noticed. Neither did she either, because I could hear the little moans in the bottom of her throat, I could feel her thighs opening to the touch of my hands, and I could feel the way her tongue wrapped around mine. She wanted me bad, just like I wanted her. And it was all about to go down. I slid my boxers down and-- 

Tara's POV: 

Omigod. Should I be here? How did I end up naked in bed with him? I only came downstairs because I was so mad about what happened in the garden - him kissing me surely right after he kissed Cameron. I went in and put Riley down and got into the shower and just started stewing. The more I soaped the madder I got until I just had to confront him. 

But it all went wrong. 

He was naked. Well, wearing briefs, but naked. 

And I was naked under the only robe I'd brought with me, a stupid flimsy one because I thought it'd be really hot. So dumb, am I. I could've at least put on pajamas or something. 

But who am I fooling? No matter what I had on or he had on, this was bound to happen. By this I mean, hot, combustible sex. And the minute he laid me back down on that bed for the second time and spoke so sweetly to me, all my resolve was gone. Justin was the only man I'd been with for over 2 years and if you want to know the truth, I didn't want to be with anyone else. I couldn't imagine anyone else touching me. Tim was nice and we'd shared a kiss and a cuddle but that's as far as it was ever going to go. There just was nobody for me but Justin, no matter how hard I tried to get past him. And now we were connected forever through Riley? 

God, how was I ever going to have a love and a life for myself when this man just wouldn't go away? 

And right now I didn't want him to because oh Lord, he was slowly kissing down my body and he was past my breasts and now past my stomach and now at my thighs and - oh Lord - his tongue. He began licking me and sucking me and touching me with his fingers until he was driving me crazy, still managing to talk to me somehow. 

"You like this baby? You like my tongue licking you? You taste, so good, T, I don't wanna stop, but I gotta be inside you, sweetheart. Can I come inside you? Please, can we make love? Can we make another baby? Hurry baby, come, so I can slide inside of you, so I can wrap you in my arms and hold you and feel you all around me. Come, baby. C'mon." 

And that's exactly what I did. It never took much for him to push me over the edge, especially with oral sex, but listening to him say the words I so longed to hear just gave me that extra push. I was flying through the skies, lost in another world while he gently licked me and stroked me down until I could comprehend English again. 

As I lay there sweating and trying to clear my head from the incredible orgasm I had, he moved up and I could feel him resting against me, ready for entry. But I couldn't yet. I wasn't ready yet; I still had something to say. 

I sniffled. "What about tomorrow?" I said. "Cameron's gonna be here bright and early and what, are you gonna tell her on the day of the christening that you're dumping her? Yeah right," I snorted. "I'm gonna be standing there with my girls and their families and you're gonna be over somewhere with her wrapped around you. You're mad just thinking about me with another guy. How do you think I feel seeing that shit?" 

"T … I know I can't do anything about tomorrow. She's here and there's nothing I can do until she leaves the next day. But I swear to you that I will not kiss her, nothing's gonna happen between here from this moment on. There's only me and you here, baby. No one else. No Tim, no Cameron, nobody but us. And we're gonna be together, like for real this time, just like before only now we have Riley and nothing and nobody is gonna take away our happiness. Okay? You believe me baby? Because you know I swore to you that I'd never lie to you again and I'm not right now. Okay?" 

His lips were a breath away from mine and my resistance was fading quickly. I wanted him so bad that I didn't know what to do. But one last thing was on my mind. 

"I want to make love with you, J," I said, the first time I called him that since this whole little scenario began. "But … I'm not on the pill … and you don't have any protection."

He brushed his lips against mine. "So? We're together again, T. So what if we make another Riley or a little Justin Jr.? Nothing we do together can be wrong because we love each other so much, and we love our baby. I don't care if we have ten kids, baby. All I care about is being here, in this moment with you. We can't back down now. Don't let me down now, sweetie. Are you with me? Because I want you right now more than anything in this world and if you don't let me fucking inside of you I'm gonna explode." 

I couldn't help but laugh a little. He made everything seem so simple. I could trust him again, couldn't I? He swore to me, on our child, that Cameron was history and I was the future. But none of that mattered anymore. All that mattered was hot, burning lust and to be honest, I was feeling it just as bad as he was. So I sighed and relaxed into his embrace and just lifted my hips slightly, giving him indication that it was time to get it on, so to speak. 

And boy howdy, did we get it on. He slid into me so slowly that I wanted to scream, then stayed still for a long time, just looking into my eyes and brushing my out of control hair out of my face. 

"I love you, girl. You're gonna be my wife one day very soon, and I mean that." Then without warning he began moving, slow and smooth, kissing me all over my face and lips, resting his body on top of me while his hands touched my breasts and hips. It was like never before. Sensory overload. I could barely think, he was driving me so crazy. And every time I got close to that edge, he would pull back and make me wait until I was whimpering and tears were coming out of my eyes. 

"Shhh, shhh, it's alright baby. It just feels so good that I don't want to ever be outside of you again. Stay with me baby." 

And so it went. We tossed and turned, different positions, ass smacking, powerful thrusts, long, hot kisses until we were both breathless. Finally I understood what he wanted. He wanted us to come together and I could tell he couldn't hold out anymore either, so we resumed our initial positions, face to face, and he began moving faster and faster, driving me crazy until I lost it. Fireworks went off in my head, there was a solar eclipse and I don't think I could've even heard Riley crying, I was so out of it. And so was he. His eyes rolled back in his head and he shook and trembled over me just as I did. 

But we did it together. 

After it was over, we collapsed onto one another, exhausted and dozed for awhile. I didn't allow my mind to worry about Cameron or anything, I just felt safe and warm and comforted, just like before. Like always. 

We slept for about half an hour and then he stirred. "Something I want you to hear, T." 

"Another song you wrote?" 

He shook his head. "JC turned me onto this song and it just totally is written about us, T. You gotta hear it. Don't move, okay? I wanna come back and hold you while it plays. Okay? 

I nodded and he got up, went over to the stereo and fumbled around for awhile. Then the song came on and I was shocked, because I always, always thought of him when I heard the song. I even played it for Riley because even though J and I weren't technically together, I considered it to be our song. It's not a conventional song, but parts of it are so on the money that it can't be denied. 

The song was by Erykah Badu, called "Love of My Life (An Ode to Hip Hop)". 

I know J and I are always typing lyrics but music is sushi a large part of our life that we can't help it. Here goes: 

I met him when he was a, a little boy he gave 
He gave me poetry and he was my first 
But in my heart I knew I wasn't the only one 
So when the tables turned, we had to break 

But whenever I got lonely, or needed some advice 
He gave me his shoulder; his words were very nice 
But that is all behind me, 'cause now there is no other 
My love is his and his is mine 
A friend became the 

Love of my life, you are my friend 
Love of my life, on you I can depend 
Without you baby, feels like a psych of true love, yeah 
Is this shit getting clear? 

Or could it be that is was all just so simple then? 
A teenage love or you say he's just a friend 
He moved around and we kept in touch through his friend Mike 
The world was young and we knew we couldn't rush 

But whenever I got weary, or needed some advice 
He gave me his shoulder; his words were very nice 
But that is all behind me, 'cause now there is no other 
My love is his and his is mine 
A friend became the 

Love of my life, you are my friend 
Love of my life, on you I can depend 
Without you baby, feels like a psych of true love, yeah 
Is this shit getting clear? 

There's more but when he came and snuggled into me and I laughed at the part about Mike, which was so true, he couldn't help but tickle me with his stubble. How I loved that he didn't have to shave three times a day like when I first met him. He was right; he was really a man now. Old enough to get married. Old enough to have a family. Could he follow through with it? Would he break up with Cameron like he promised? I could only believe in him as I had so many times before. 

Only this time I hoped my heart wouldn't get broken a third time. 

But that was something to worry about later. Now I was with my man, soft music was playing, and we had the whole night to explore each other. And things were done on the ratty old pull out couch that will never be seen again. 

Chapter 10

Sasha's POV:

This is some garbage.  Just some fucking garbage.  Tara left over three hours ago to 'talk' with Justin about something that was so fucking important that it couldn't wait until morning.  Important, my big fat black ass.  WTF would send her downstairs in a ROBE of all things to talk to him?  She really must think I'm just an idiot or something if she thinks that I think they're just '"talking".

Again.  Talking my big fat black ass.

It's all my fault, too.  If I hadn't said, 'Sure, I'll watch Riley' then none of this would be happening.  Jen is so exhausted from working at the hospital that she would've spit on Tara if she asked her something like that,  In fact, the only reason I said yes was because she caught me half-asleep, plus I was trying hard to be nice because I knew it had been a hard day for her, what with Cameron the new celebrity spokesperson for Pro-Activ or should be prancing all around, what a fucking pain in the ass part two. So when she asked me to watch Riley I laid down in their room, thinking she would be like 30 minutes. Instead I dozed off and when I saw the time, I went through the adjoining bathroom doors with the baby monitor to see what Jen thought we should do. It was after 3 already, now it's 3:30 and I don't know what to do.

Anyhow, after the cookout Lynn had thrown and we relaxed, showered and got ready for bed.  Jen passed out immediately but Tara was still buzzing nervous energy and so I hung around to see what her deal was.  I know something happened between her and Timberfuck but I just don't know WHAT.  She wouldn't tell me!  ME!  Keeper of all her secrets since we were three years old playing in the sandbox together.  So yeah.  She suddenly remembered something so important she had to ask about the christening tomorrow that couldn't wait.  I told her that it was after midnight for crying out loud, but she insisted she'd be right back and tell me everything then.

That's why I didn't make a huge deal about her nonsense. Simple nonsense.

I mean, you can't deny that this Justin and Tara shit is better than Flavor of Love, right?

So I let her go but now it's after 3 AM so what else could I do but wake up Jen?  Standing over her bed, I shook her shoulders a few times.

"Jen?  Jenny?  Wake up!" I whispered, praying Riley wouldn't hear me and wake up screaming for her mama. 

She groaned, "Leave me alone, Sash," but I couldn't.  I wasn't facing the horror of Justin and Tara having ... ew! sex ... all by myself.  I could feel the nausea rising in my throat.  Why hast thou forsaken me, Lord?

"Jen, get up! This is important!" I pushed her shoulder a few times and she finally rose up on her elbows to regard me with irritation.  She always was mean when she had no sleep.  Must have something to do with being a doctor.  Oh well.  Who cares?  I had important stuff to worry about 

"If Riley's not sick, I'm kicking your ass," she told me and I ignored her threat.

"Jen, Tara's STILL downstairs with him.  After THREE hours!" I whispered loudly.  "Can you believe this shit?  She fell right back into his bed even with his ugly ass girlfriend right next door!  I think we should go get her," I said, totally meaning it.  But then I thought about what I might see and decided to change tactics.  "I mean, at the least, I think YOU should go get her," I hastily corrected myself.  "I'll stay here with the baby.  C'mon, Jen, we need to save her from making another huge mistake!  She can't fall back into that pattern again, it'll be over my dead fucking body!"  I pulled at her arm again for her to get up but she pulled away and gave me a dirty look.

"What?  What'd I do?"  I asked, genuinely confused.

"Have a little bit of faith in your friend," she said, evil dripping from each word.  "Now go back to bed and leave me alone."

"But Jen--"

"But nothing! Tara has been through way too much to even even consider going down that road again and--"

Just then we heard a weird noise against the door.  Almost like someone banged into it.  After exchanging quick looks for a millimeter of a second, we jumped up simultaneously and ran to open the door, causing Tara to fall back onto Jen and me since she had apparently being the one leaning on it.  And -- EWWW -- Justin (in a robe as well, how GROSS) lost his balance and  fell as well.  If only he could've broken that big fat neck of his,.   But I digress.  I could not believe they had the nerve, the fucking audacity, to put their business their street like this.  I mean ... he had a girlfriend sleeping right next door.  He had blatantly cheated on Tara yet again.  And the list goes on and on ...Britney ... Hawaii ... and Britney ... the Halloween party in Orlando ... and Britney yet again .. that one dancer on the tour ... Alyssa Milano ... and now Cameron. Where does it end?

"Oh my God, we leaned on the wrong door! I'm so sorry!" an embarrassed Tara exclaimed, humiliated at being busted red-handed. I knew it!

I turned my gaze of pure hatred (which of course was only being intensified now) away from him to Tara, whose hair was all over the place and her tiny robe ... well, let's just say that I could see everything.  Just, as I'm sure, Timberfuck did as well.  Which is why they spent three hours 'talking'.  Ewwww!  And her hair was just everywhere, making her look sexy and ... EWWW!!  He had on some ratty ass old robe. Eww again..

I really, really allowed myself to think of them sexually, so I knew that I was about to hurl and walked over to the bed, sat down and sighed heavily.  "I give up."

Tara's POV:

What? Huh?  Did Sasha just sort of allow us to be together without her long running commentary?  Maybe this was an omen, maybe a tsunami or something was coming because this shit right now? -- NEVER happens.

I already knew the situation between me and Justin would cause a major blow-up but a quiet Sasha?  I didn't figure it would last long and I knew I was right because  after she calmed down (calmed down for her, anyway), she shook her head and said, "Jen?  Can you deal with this? Because I ..." she just shook her head, at a loss for words while Jen suddenly seemed to inherit the gift of gab.

"Have you completely lost it, Tara?" she hissed at me while giving Justin one of the nastiest looks I'd ever seen.  And since Jen was always the nicest, sweetest person ever, it made us feel about an inch big.  :"Screwing your ex while he's cheating on his girlfriend?  Classy.  I mean, Tara, really?  Everyone accepts that he has to be part of Riley's life but not yours! Why would you let him hurt your heart again? I think I--"

"Jen," Justin, looking all forceful which I loved, had a few things to say. "First of all, I'm not cheating on anyone right now.  I will tell her what's going on when I see her later today.  Second, what happens between me and Tara is just that.  It's nobody's business except us.  And third, we back together as of tonight so we're all going to learn how to deal with it somehow.  I know both of you are pissed off at me--" he eyed Sasha for a moment "but all I can do is show by my actions how I feel.  I hope this thing we have going on ... can go along so we can get along  But what matter most to me  is Tara and Riley, so .... I don't really know what to tell you." He shrugged his shoulders.

I squirmed out of his arms as Jen crossed her arms and made her stance even firmer.  "Look , Justin, if this is your effort at trying to make things better for all of us is for you to come harder.  Like, for real." She opened her mouth to say more but I cut her off. 

"Jen, I know you're on my side, looking out for me or whatever, but ...  I'm grown-up now, too. I deserve the chance to try things for myself without you guys having to protect me all the time.  I can take care of myself."

We all stood there in silence for a minute, then Sasha stood up and said (with massive attitude of course) that she was going back into the room I was sleeping in with Riley in it.  I felt   bad for Sash; she really wouldn't cry if Justin freaking died, I swear.  And vice versa.  I prayed to God to show me how to handle all of these people.  Half of me wanted to fly home, ASAP, but there were too many people there, many of them who had flown in for the event.  I couldn't do it.  Meanwhile the other half wanted to run to Lynn and cry on her shoulder.  But for one of many, many times, I wanted to be  in a relationship as an adult for awhile -- for both of us to be adults this time.

After Sasha stomped away (but didn't slam the door -- she ain't that crazy), Jen looked at bother of us thoughtfully.  "Tara ... you do remember what happened the last time you forgave him -- he cheated again, and with the one person who could make you feel  insecure.  Are you sure you want to do this?" She stared at me more as she said this? She stared at me she said this like trying to do the Jedi-mind trick on me.  In a way I wished it would work because I had all good and all the bad to remember.

Maybe I was biased after three hours of hot, raunchy sex but I leaning towards trying again.  At least until he told that gangly monster to crawl  back from under the rock from whence she came.  So I said so.

"Look, both of you ... whatever happened or didn't happen last night or this morning or whatever ... has nothing to do with anything right now.  What's important is what you say and how you deal with it.  Basically, how fast yo can get the hell out of here," I told him in a serious manner..  He laughed a little but I punched him in the arm so he shut the hell up.  "I'm not kidding, Justin, " I told him.

"Baby, she is so fucking history," he smiled, showing his gleaming teeth.  He pulled me back into his arms and Jen just rolled her eyes and went into the bedroom, completely disgusted with both of us.  When the door closed, he turned me around and kissed me hard and fast, masterfully  I could always sense what he was trying to tell me through a kiss.  This one was an "I'm back in charge here" kiss.  It wasn't true but he was free to think whatever he wants to do as long as he shut up for awhile.

I ran my fingers through his hair and gave him one last kiss,  "See you tomorrow."

But he wasn't ready to go yet.  "So, just this one thing, one thing and then we're back together?"

Sighing yet again for that night, I shook my head.  "Cut the zero and we'll see, okay?"

"Come sleep with me, baby," he pleaded but I stood my ground. 

"You sure weren't complaining a few hours ago," he laughed and I had to smile, too.  Then as I thought about Cameron I got nervous again so to avoid tears, which were threatening to spill at any moment I sucked in a deep breath and waited for the moment to pass.

Only after a few more kisses, he practically skipped away, so happy.  Maybe he felt as good as I felt?  Impossible, I thought to myself.  Suddenly tired, I went into the bedroom, put on some comfortable pj's and crawled in the comfortable bed, giving myself a few minutes to think things over.  Only I couldn't.  Think things over, I mean.  Maybe sleep would make me feel better about the break-up and then the christening.

Oh well.  I  had a full day and would definitely have a have a few more full days coming up as well.  I was ready pull the covers over my head and hoped my fairytale would come true. But that wasn't necessarily true; maybe my fairytale had changed.

When we were in the basement, Justin had spoken of kicking Cameron to the curb and me moving to Cali and us being together forever, the whole nine. He was ready, allegedly, to give up all semblances of bachelorhood and become a family man right away. Which was great. He and Riley should spend as much time together as possible.

The problem was me. I wasn't ready to throw away the life I had built for myself since we broke up. Finally I was settled and happy and I didn't know if I wanted to throw it all away to take a chance on a man to whom I had given so many other chances. Maybe I needed to still be single for awhile. Maybe Ii wasn't ready to become attached.

Maybe sometimes a booty call was just a booty call.

More than anything, I longed for Justin to stay in order to avoid facing both my thoughts and the duo left to kick me in the ass.  I knew something was headed my way soon, I just didn't know when.  I was getting ready for the thinly veiled insults sure to come when the adjoining door came flying open.  The second minute after I pulled the covers over my hair, my visitors arrived, wide awake.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"What the fuck is going on?"

"Are you crazy, hooking up with that asshole again?"

"You don't remember what he did to you, you know, how you cried and cried all summer, swearing that--" 

"Okay!" I whispered back as loudly as I could without waking up Riley.  "I get it!  I was stupid, I forgot how rushed I was when I caught him.  I remember it all now.  It's just that when we woke up we were talking ... he seemed like MY Justin, you know?  The old Justin that I fell in love with ... and I got carried away.  But it was just one sort of meaningless fling.  You'll see," I stood up to look at myself in front of the mirror trying to untangle the rat's nest that used to be my hair and waited ... and waited ...

But nothing happened.  Jen was busy staring at the ceiling while Sasha seemed enthralled by the rise and fall of Riley's tiny chest.  It was almost funny.  Normally they wouldn't shut up being near me or their insults about Justin and now they get deathly quiet all of a sudden.  I finally got my hair under control and braided it, then I turned to face them. 

"This is it?  You're not gonna say anything?  Because I could really use my sleep."

"Are you INSANE?" Jen finally shrieked.  Or tried to anyway, since we had house guests all around.  Oh, to be back in Maryland in my own quiet house with my own schedule for me and Riley.  What I would not give, I thought.  All hell could break out at any moment because even though I still suspected Justin being able to break things off with suspicion to the rampage, one look into her coke-riddled eyes made me think again. As I thought about that, I half-listened to the rampage being she was throwing my way.

"Have you already forgotten all the times he'd mess around on you in the clubs without you being there?  What about the times he did actually cheat? I mean, the times he was caught because who knows when he was really working and really lounging somewhere?  What kind of sick person does this to someone they claim 'to love'?  It's demoralizing to you and him and not only that it's depressing as hell for those of is who've had to watch him in case he tried to do that shit again?"

"Guys, look; I know how you care and no one appreciates the two of you more than I do, for sure.  But tonight was like," I thought hard about it for awhile, "it was closure.  Something I needed to get on my own, something that, unfortunately, neither of you can give me.  But I'm leaving him alone!    I haven't forgotten anything and what can I do to convince you of that?  What the hell do you want fro me?"  This was a completely humorous event

Again, Jen shook her head ominously and Sasha just got up to go into the other room, tossing a goodnight over her shoulder.  Jen followed suit, saying she'd see me in the morning but leaving that meeting as if it had gone exactly like she wanted to.  Why the hell were they so mad at me?  Why couldn't they once, just once, be a little happy for me?

Man, life sucks.

Justin's POV:

Damn it, I feel good!  I feel like .... like break dancing or busting out a beat boxing song or something!

I did it! I hit that shit, man.    Me and Tara! God, I feel like a fucking little kid who just got a new toy to play with ... yeah I got a new toy all right and it was right between those luscious thighs ...

I ain't gonna lie.

I wanted her just as much as she wanted me, shit, probably more, you know?  Definitely more, now that I think about it.  Ever since that day at her house when she wanted me to crawl into bed with her but since then my dick was at full attention and now it had finally got the attention that it needed.  Cam and I have always had a very active sex life but there's just always been something about Tara that makes my dick go crazy. 

But it's not just like that.  It's my heart too, you know?  And I meant every word I said about us being a family and making babies and shit.  I want her for the rest of life and that's no lie.  But how could I convince her to take me back on again?  'Cause the sex between me and T has always been fan-fucking-fantastic, so ... what else do I need to do to prove that I want her back?

To quote Tara, 'break the fuck up with Cameron, asshole.  Man up, dude.'

That's what she said to me a few hours ago, before she left my bed.  We had been lying together, just dozing and listening to each other breathe when she suddenly let out a deep sigh.  I was surprised because I thought she was sleeping. 

"Babe? You up?" I wrapped my arms around her tighter, breathing into her perfume.

She moved around some more and sighed again.  "Yeah ... just thinking."

She didn't sound happy or sad, which kind of threw me.  "Are you okay with ... what happened?  Because the way I'm feeling, I'm ready to drop down on one knee and propose," I laughed but was kind off serious.

Again, another sigh. "Yeah, I mean, I think so ... but what about--"

I cut her off, knowing exactly where this was leading to.  "In a matter of hours the one thing that is complicating us will be taken care of.  Just you and me, T, can't you just see it?  With Riley? She's gonna love California, babe.  And you  like it too but I was thinking we should buy a new house.  Something a little more kid-friendly, you know?" Glancing down, I saw her face wasn't as enthusiastic as I would've liked.  Now what?  Fuck!  Every time things start going well ...

"What, T?"  You don't like what I said?  What's wrong?"

She sort of slowly separated herself from my arms and reached for her robe and I immediately went to stop her.

"What're you doing?  We don't sleep with clothes on, T."  I pulled the robe one way and she pulled it the other until she gave in and let me snatch it from her.  The view - basically her with no clothes on --certainly didn't bother me much.

"Justin.  STOP!" she practically yelled so I gave in and let her put it on.  There's something so adorable about her being shy with me after all the years I had spent exploring every inch of her body.

"Fine.  Take your stupid robe," I told her.  "What made you pull away from me when I was just talking before?"

Another sigh.  She sat up next to me and ran a hand through her rumpled hair.  "Justin, you can't ... people just don't ... Look, I'm not anybody's rebound.  And that's what this is shaping up to be ... you dumping Cameron and picking things up with me again.  For the third time, Justin!  The THIRD time!"

 "The third time?  Nuh-uh, T!  I--"

I'm including Britney in this too."

Silence for awhile, then a soft, "Oh."  From me.  What the hell do you say to that?  "T ... those things are in the past.  Past as in gone. Over.  There's no one for me but you and Riley."

"You may say that now because you want that picket fence, the  2.5 kids, etc.  But when a baby is screaming at 4 AM and you have an 8 AM call, it's not so cute.  I don't even know if you've thought this stuff through."

She was oh-so-very wrong.  They were all I thought about, driving me crazy with wanting to make good decisions that affected all of us.  And I told her all of that and more until I literally unable to do that anymore.  I was half-drunk, half-exhausted from some back-breaking sex and just tired from the long day and what I had to do today.  At some point, Can was gonna be sent away.  I just had to figure out how to get it done without violence.  Anyhow, Tara said she needed to get back to Riley so I (reluctantly) put on an old robe to walk her upstairs.  We were almost at the door of the bedroom she was staying in when she turned and said to me, "You know, you don't owe me -- or us -- anything.  I'm not holding you to any of the stuff you said."

I laughed, because she was being so ridiculous and then the door opened and you know the rest of it.

The Holy Trinity, which is what I begun to start referring to Jen, Sasha and Tara, was a force to be reckoned with.    You did not deal with one, ever; you dealt with all three if you wanted any sort of relationship. Jen I could handle. Sasha was another problem, but I would learn. For T, I would learn..  Those girls were NOT getting into the way of my new/old relationship,  This time we were getting it right.

Sasha's POV:

The christening was okay, I guess.

At least the service, I mean. My mom always said shut up if you're only going to be mean and moody so there, In fact, I think because of the way I've been acting lately, she was referring to me. I think I've been really nice, considering things. She also meant for me to ignore Justin and his arm candy. Which means I haven't cursed out anyone yet, so I'm in a really bad mood. I haven't had too much to drink, although I haven't pulled Riley away from those trailer park relatives relatives of Timberfuck's but most importantly: I haven't jumped Cameron Diaz. I personally think it's a really big deal how much self control I'm working with here. Because I was prepared - fully prepared - from putting Vaseline on my face to taking off my earrings, if you know what I mean. Only I'd have to trust the person I left them with - they're expensive as shit. Still, it was Tara's day and she wants us to be quiet. So I did ...

But no. We all wake up at the crack of dawn to eat before the early church service. Jen and I wore gray while Justin and Tara wore black. Trace and Mike also dressed in black. I was surprised how well they all looked- except for Timberfuck. He looks like rotten vomit no matter what. Anyway, it was definitely a Sunday function with hats bobbing everywhere but it was sort of neat. Till SHE showed up. You could totally tell that she had Justin tell her what he was wearing so she could match him.

Fucking bitch.

Tara and Riley were pretty much inseparable right now, except for me, Jen and ... yeah, him too. We all posed in various areas and stuff until it was time for the service. And guess what? Justin had to nerve to motion Cameron over to take a picture with him and Riley. I was immediately irate and looked over at Tara to find out what to do. She looked furious but only anyone who knew her deep down could easily but she was fusion. Jen and I reached her at the same time, and of course I had my earring off and one shoe in my hand.

 "Girl, this is so on," I told her, putting my arm around her. "Let me take care of it."

Jen nodded but Tara stopped us. "No, guys. No. I have to learn how to deal with those cheap things on my own, you know? And I will," she sighed, and a determined look was on her face that I'd never seen before, hiding her real feelings.

My heart was bleeding for her, she looked so crushed and hurt. My God, I wanted to pull a Lorena Bobbitt and chop his dick off. I would actually pay to have someone do this at some point., but this stuff was Tara's business her so-called family, her baby. She had to make the decisions today.

 "You sure?" Jen asked. "Because we can ..."

Tara shook her head again and gave a sad grin. "I'm gonna take care of it, Just later. Trust me."

Jen told her, "But what about all the promises he made to you? To do TODAY, Tara. It's not fair and I think he should see his ass kicked . Even Mike wouldn't protect him."

I shrugged again, because the day was going nowhere like I though it would. Being nice to your enemies was just stupid as far as I was concerned.

Anyhow.

The actual ceremony went fine. Riley was chilling for the few minutes they were up there, gurgling away to the Pastor. Then we all sat down and listened to an interesting sermon, about, ironically, adultery while Justin and Tara watched Riley play in the church day care to make sure she was okay. Like someone was going to kill her in the church daycare? Whatever. I mean, this was a church daycare. Good Lord. Mike and Eric were right there to guard if need be. Waste of good money going down the drain. And excuse me but what the hell is Justin gonna do if someone does manage sneak in? I mean, he can't even handle a couple of photographers. If word gets out and beloved Millington is besieged, he's gonna lose it, I just know it. This was gonna be great. And no I didn't call the National Enquirer but this was too juicy so I guess I just was waiting for someone to pick up on it. I was sure it wouldn't take long, I was sure. So I just waited, listening to the sermon and ignoring my mom who was carrying on about how Tara's parents weren't there and blah blah blah ... I feel bad, I really and truly do but why take it out on Tara? She's sad enough without dick wad not supporting her through something like a hug or offering her an ear. And after all that shit he still went after her last night and deceived her. That was mean, downright hurtful and as my dad would say "jive-time". And to be honest, I can't believe I have to go through this J&T shit again.

So I just concentrated on my girls; Riley and Tara. One was perfectly fine and other one was on the verge of losing her cool. What to do?

After the ceremony I just made small talk with Aurora, Jen's mom, Tara, Jen and Jen's older sister while trying to figure things out. Pretty soon, by which I mean VERY soon, if you counted in Tara drinking a lot, there was going to be a heated conversation. And judging from the looks exchanged between Tara and that pock-faced bitch, all you needed to do was stare at a scared shitless Justin with a snarky smile and feel bad for Lynn for throwing such an awful party. This just wasn't the time and place for all of this. It wasn't her fault she had such an awful child.

I was talking with JC earlier, who arrived just in time for the ceremony and was looking quite nice in his double breasted suit, and we tried to think of a place where we could hook up ... and let's just say that JC also has a very nice hotel room. And I have a nice rental car. When I gave him the signal that Tara was okay, we would leave withing 15 minutes of each other and meet in my car. I just hoped I could avoid my dad. I wanted to tell him to talk to his boy before he got jacked up but JC makes it a policy never to offer Justin advice or interfere with his life. In fact, I was surprised he even came to the christening but I think it was more for Tara and me than Justin. Tara adores JC and is always trying to find ways to get him and Justin together but that would mean me and Justin being together and nobody wants that so they don't seem much of each other. Still, nothing would break the unspeakable bond the two of them had with one another. And believe you me, I have tried.

Wait. Was that ...? I saw a man with a big, thick neck and I recognized it anywhere. Not on purpose, but because I was forced to look at his ugly ass sometimes. Anyhow Mr. JT was walking pock-face to her room at his grandparents. Sitting my drink down (which should let you know what a big deal this was) I walked to the back of the house and slipped onto the patio to be able to see and hear more. I saw her reach out for his hand but he snatched it away, causing her to stop and shout, or rather just say loudly, "What the fuck is wrong with you?

Riveted (of course), I stood perfectly still so I could hear more of the conversation. He answered her but it was too quiet to hear him. Shit! I moved closer and leaned forward more, all of my attention on the couple a few feet away. Just when it looked like things were going to get really good, the sliding door behind me opened and Tara and Jen tripped out, barely stable on their feet. Tara, who couldn't drink while pregnant, was sure making up for not drinking all those past months, I noticed. She had a wine glass attached to her hand all day. Maybe she could smash it over Cameron's head ...

 "Shh!" I hissed at them, reaching out and pulling them closer. "Listen!" I whispered, pointing over to Justin and that bitch. They immediately figured out what was going on and shut the hell up so we could continue to better listen.

 "Would you fucking be quiet Cam? My whole fucking family is right inside and I don't want to hear you drunk, okay? So go upstairs and get the fuck into bed. You have an early flight tomorrow, remember? Now c'mon." He finally took her hand and tried to pull her more but was stopped. Man, stick figure is strong for such a skinny little bitch.

No!" she wrenched her arm away from Justin. Heh heh."You haven't kissed me, you haven't touched me, you haven't even fucking noticed that I existed all day!" she threw her purse down on the cement that lay between the two houses.

 "All day long you've been moving around her and the baby, 'Riley' this, 'Riley' that, what about me, Justin? Why was I always off to the side while 'she' got all the attention?" She yelled at him and for some reason I finally guess he felt the way she was behaving was not right. Talk about selfish. Who could argue with someone wanting to be around Riley? "Cam, calm the fuck down, okay? We need to chill out. The last time things happened they ... well between Tara and me... didn't go so well. And I'm trying to hold shit together right now so we can end the party and deal with everything! Just .. let me figure things out, okay? All right?

' "I don't feel like 'calming down': she gestured with that snarky voice. "I'm sick of Diana Ross and the Supremes being around here, holding onto you the only way they know how. And God I'm so sick of her parading that kid around like a show pony. Besides, did you ever get your own paternity test? Because there's actually no proof that actually says-"

I saw red. Pure, bright red that I think was foaming from my mouth, ears and nose. "Tara." I spoke quietly to keep from ordering my bestie around," you need to do something here."

Tara's POV:

I couldn't believe it. But there it was, right in front of me, and I could hear every bit of it. But did I want to hear it, was the question. I took a hard sip from my gin and tonic and waited, ears straining.

...that she's yours," Cameron finished. That motherfucking bitch! It took everything in me, I mean EVERYTHING, but I wanted to hear what he really felt. If he really meant what he said to me over and over, that he loved me and belonged with me. "Or is this all to get into her pants?

Luckily, I wasn't disappointed.

 "What the FUCK did you just say to me?!" He exploded, forgetting his own warning to keep things down with so many guests around. But I didn't care. I was enjoying it suddenly, sipping some more of my drink.

Justin pointed a finger in her face. "If you ever say that shit about my child and her mother again ... I'll ... I swear ..I won't hit a girl but man ...." He was literally sputtering and it was so gratifying. I actually felt tears in my eyes. Had he really meant it? Although I tried to keep my feelings closed, I still wanted so hard to believe that I wanted the same thing. But the more I thought about it,w as I really ready to throw away the life I had for myself in Maryland, to move wherever his sense of home would be? Was Riley going to be able to form attachments, have friends and a routine? I couldn't just pick up and fly around where ever I wanted anymore. Everything had to be thought for two.

I was in a quandary and I didn't even know why. I wanted Justin, of course, but I also wanted things to go slow instead of tumbling headfirst into a superstar, Being in a group with some guys was one thing but being with one of the sexiest bachelors in the world was daunting.. I didn't know what the hell to do, so I just continued to sip my drink, then set it down to take off my shoes as they were killing my feet. And watched and listened.

Cameron laughed as Justin pointed his finger at her, as if she didn't have a care in the world. "What? Are you threatening me?" she laughed again. "Whatever, Justin. You had a little fling, didn't you, last night? I knew it! The second you put me in that house and her in yours I knew that things would happen. So I played the dumb girlfriend role, watched you two NOT watching each other, avoiding each other ... it was so predictable. I don't even care, you know? If you could come to me after you fucked her, then you definitely come to me after you fucked her! You're a cold-hearted bastard, Justin, and you can have your illegitimate kid and black mom and fucking stick them up your ass! I'm leaving tonight, and I hope I never see your fucking face again!"

Justin laughed, and unfortunately so did Jen, Sasha and me. We couldn't help it. It was so melodramatic, so over the top. It sounded like something she did in a movie, which it probably was, the more I learned about her. When she heard laughing, she spun around and saw us laughing and practically imploded. Oh my God, it was the funniest ever!

 "What the fuck is so funny, bitches?" She started coming towards us, and Justin grabbed her by the waist, trying to stop the situation from escalating ... which it was definitely going to, if I had anything to say about it. Fuck the people inside Lynn's, if you'll pardon me. I had been waiting for this for a long time.

I took a step towards her and set my glass down on some patio furniture. Sauntering over barefoot, I pulled my hair back with one hand and walked over to her, close but not enough to touch. No way was I becoming a felon for assault charges. I just wanted to let her know that I knew. "You know what, Cameron? All along I knew about you fucking him behind my back and that's why I left. But guess what? He came back. To ME. He came back to me and our daughter, something you'll never have with him." I smiled and crossed my arms, waiting for her response.

Justin, still holding her around the waist, looked completely helpless. He asked Jen to get me away but one thing I don't do is run from a fight. I stood my ground and waited some more, while she was trying to still get away from him which didn't help since no one was holding me back. My Supremes were holding me down for sure, flanking my sides like soldiers.

 "Tara," he pleaded with me, "please just go? I'm handling shit like I promised you I would. I just have to calm down and straighten things out more and then I'll be right right back. Okay?"

Whatever. "I'm not going anywhere. This party is for my daughter and I am officially invited. Some people, on the other hand ..." I let my voice trail off, getting my point across. She finally stopped lunging for me and Justin let her go, loosening his grip on her slightly.

 "You fucking bitch!" Cameron exclaimed. "Justin is MY boyfriend. If anyone deserves to be here, it's me." Huh? Her logic didn't even make any sense.

 "And I'm Riley's mother, dumb ass," I laughed again, unable to believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. " What kind of sense does that make, you idiot? And Diana Ross and the Supremes? Girl I think I'm going to kick your ass right now, you acne-scarred, pock-faced--"

STOP!" We all turned around and we all so Mike lumbering down to us across the lawn. Once he finally reached us, he told us, "This is Lynn's house. Y'all don't need to get into this right now and you know it, so act like you got some sense! He pointed a finger at all of us.

"You need to settle this now, Justin! It's me or her, and I want you to fucking tell me right now!" Lynn and Paul appeared at the French doors that led outside and immediately I was humiliated. I wanted all this over with posthaste and hoped Justin could quickly diffuse the situation. Not only was it ghetto, it was embarrassing.

The only comfort I could take from the situation was that Cameron was the one acting like a ghetto ass bitch, not me.

I don't think, anyway.

Justin's POV:

Fuck it, my head was swimming. First trying to play it cool in front of the guests, Tara and Cameron, now I had to deal with a possible fight in front of my parents. At least God was looking out for me, I swear. What the fuck could've happened would've mighty been entertaining for sure, since it was 3 to 1, but Diana Ross and the Supremes weren't backing down at all. Maybe Cam would shut up when she saw she was outnumbered and knew Mike didn't care for her to protect her so who knows what kinds of shit would pop off ... if I had any sense I know I fucking would. But he showed and up and got Tara and her girl together.

Tara stared at me a long time, waiting for me to answer, I know. Don't get me wrong, I knew what I wanted to answer to be; I just wanted to say it in a not so harsh way. But we all stood there and I had to do something before my fucking grandparents came out and saw what was going on. I just had to chill the situation the fuck out. Okay ... here goes.

"Mike? Can you take Tara and everyone back into the house again? I need to finish up here," I tried to be polite but her bitch ass friend wasn't having it.

My mom appeared out of nowhere and tried to help me. "Justin, Cameron? Do you guys need some help? Tara, I put Riley down ... what's going on out here?"

We all ignored her, unfortunately.

"Finish up?" Sasha asked with an attitude. Gee what a big surprise. "Whatever you have to say to that trick you can say in front of Tara. Spit it out, dude."

My God, I hated her. "I'm trying to make this is easy as possible," I said just as nastily. Not to mention it was none of her fucking business.

"Easy"?" Cameron had finally settled down but I still kept an arm around her just in case she got the idea to go over to that hyena. "Make what so easy, Justin? She's right, If you have something to say, just say it. I don't have time for any bullshit!"

So everyone was looking at me,waiting. I was breaking out into a sweat and I was scared. But there was nothing else to do; I wanted to be with Tara and I didn't want to be with Cam. It would've been nice to break it to her an easier way but it looked like that wasn't going to happen. So I took deep sigh and began to try to explain to Cam.

"Last night ... me and Tara had a talk and--"

 "A talk," Cam snorted. "A talk, my ass. Or should I say her ass? Because you fucked her, didn't you? This is some bullshit, Justin. I'm getting the hell out of here so you and your country bumpkins can all be happy with the cast of Motown. Okay? And don't come crawling back to me after you stuck it into that piece of trash."

Jesus. In from of my Mom and Dad? Oh, this was some real class right here. Suddenly I wondered what the hell I had been doing with someone so tactless and classless ... now I knew I had made the correct decision.

 "Trash?" Sasha started toward her but Mike grabbed her arm, thank God. A fight between the two of them was the last thing I needed.

Tara finally spoke up again. "Okay, trick. You want me? Come and get me." She began walking barefoot towards Cam, who suddenly found the means to shut the fuck up. "I'm definitely not scared of your ass. This may be Lynn's house and I don't want to disrespect it, but if you keep fucking with me you WILL get an ass kicking, I can promise you that. Say one more thing about my daughter and see what happens."

 "Bitch!" was all Cam had to say, which was kind of funny.

But T wasn't having any of that shit, walking up close to Cam and getting right in her face. Mike, Sasha and everyone, including me, waited with baited breath to see what would happen next.

"If you see a bitch, then slap a bitch." was all Tara said. Which was even more embarrassing for Cam because she stood there staring at Tara face to face, then turned around and walked away to my grandparents house. No come back, no nothing. It was kind of a buzz kill, actually. I was waiting for a little more excitement; at least a little cat fight.

We all stood there watching Cam go into the house and then stood there watching until she was gone, then I breathed a deep sigh of relief. Finally it was over. I had told everyone everything and there was nothing left to hide. I glanced over at Tara and she still looked mad, which confused me. I wasn't sure what to do, so as I loosened my tie, I walked over to her. Reaching for her hand, I said, "It's over. I did it."

She glared at me which surprised the hell out of me. "What did I do?" I asked. "I told her it was over!"

 "Barely," she said in a mean voice. "Could you have stuttered anymore? Why was it so important to worry about HER feelings when you don't seem to give a fuck about mine?"

I sighed. This was seriously turning into a nightmare. "T, you KNOW I care about your feelings. That's why I did this! I--"

 "Save it," she said and turned around and with her and the cast of Motown minus Mike (that was pretty funny) followed her into the house, leaving me to explain myself to everyone. But first I had one question.

Completely confused, I turned to Mom, Mike and Paul and asked, "What the hell did I do now?"

My mom shook her head and sighed. Jesus, who hadn't sighed over these past few hellish days?

 "Justin ... I try to stay out of your love life, you know that. But that--" she pointed behind her to where a furious Tara had just disappeared to "is not just one of your girlfriends! She is the mother of your child. That is very different and I thought you knew that!"

 "But Momma, I--"

Shaking her head again, she stopped me before I could even get going. "I have a pretty good guess what went on here last night and I don't even wanna think about that. But you owe her way more respect than what I've seen going down around here."

If there wasn't enough proof that things weren't going right, my mom using phrases like things 'going down' around here was plenty proof enough.

And then .... "Hey, what'd I miss?" Holding a bottle of beer, JC stepped out with a huge smile on his face.

Fuck me.

Chapter 11

Tara's POV:

"What a fucking asshole!" stormed Jen, glaring at nothing in particular. "I can't believe he expected you to fall back into his arms after some half-assed apology or breakup or whatever. You're way better than that!"

"Yeah," Sasha chimed in. "If you ask me you were to good for him in the first place ..." she mumbled under her breath and for once I didn't feel like defending him. Let them have their field day.

"And can you believe that shit? Asking if he's yours and his kid? What kind of bitch comes out of her mouth like that at a christening?"

"But the best part was when Tara got up in her face and practically dared her to fight. Priceless!" Sasha crowed.

Jen added, "You saw how fast she shut up, right?" They both started laughing and I did, too. Hey, it was pretty funny.

After our laughter subsided, Sasha faced me. "Okay, fun and games are over. What are you gonna do, Tara? Take him back? Because you know how we feel about--"

I cut her off. "No! No, I'm not 'taking him back'. Right now I'm just trying to get through this weekend from hell. Justin is not in the cards for me except as Riley's dad. That's it," I said resolutely and everyone seemed to believe it.

Including me.

So we took our showers (well Jen and I did, Sash dashed off to JC's hotel after begging us to cover for her in case her parents came looking for her), lotioned up girl-talked for a minute and recounted the events of the day, finally checked on Riley and then crashed.

Getting ready for the promise of a new day.

*~*

The next day dawned clear and beautiful. Sunny and warm, there wasn't a cloud in the sky. The women all drove to the nearest restaurant for breakfast and left the men to fend for themselves, as Lynn pronounced it was time we had a day off from cooking.. I'd only caught a glimpse of Justin as he entered the kitchen while we were leaving and I could see the confusion on his face. But it wasn't the time to discuss it. That would have to wait until later.

The ladies had a great time, gossiping and just having fun while chowing down. Everyone fussed over Riley, who was gumming down some pancakes, which was nice because it gave me a chance to eat until my stomach couldn't take anymore. Too soon it was over and we headed back to the house. When we got there. Justin was closeted away in the recording studio he'd had installed inside the house working on something and the rest of the men had scattered other than Mike, Trace and JC. JC, you could understand why - Sasha, of course. Mike - to catch up some more with me and the baby. But Trace? To stay and further his obsessive crush, if you ask me,

How creepy.

Everyone sort of disappeared to different areas of the house, leaving me alone with Lynn and Riley. I wasn't sure what to do next but luckily Lynn had an idea.

"Honey, why don't you take one of my old comforters and sit out there in the garden? Right there near the flowers? They're just blooming and should be perfect! I'll bring you some iced tea in a minute."

It sounded good; Lord know I didn't have anything else to do. So I agreed with her. "Sure." Grabbing the comforter and a bottle, we headed outside and settled down. Pretty soon Riley was crawling around and shrieking baby noises that were music to my ears. Kicking off my sandals, I stretched my legs out and let the warm sunlight wash over me, perfectly content.

And then guess what.

"Hey!"

Justin.

Making his way over to the comforter, grinning from ear to ear.

Oh God.

"How're my two favorite ladies?" Could he be any more smarmy?

I answered, "We're fine." And left it at that. I still wasn't over him not being more assertive around Cameron regarding our so-called relationship. I say so-called because there was none.

He went on, " It's a beautiful day out, mind if I join you?"

Again, I shrugged. "Whatever."

He sat down and grabbed Riley, who gurgled happily as he tossed her in the air a few times. The he settled her back down on the comforter again and turned to face me. "Tara, we need to talk."

Oooh! Tara instead of T! I'm sooooo scared!

"About what?" I snapped, knowing full well what he wanted to talk about. "About whether Cameron left or not? Because that's all I'm really interested in now."

He sighed. "She's gone," he told me. "She left early this morning. Trace took her to the airport."

"No long, sweet goodbyes?" I asked. Forgive me but I felt like being snarky.

He sighed, exasperated. "No! There's nothing between us now. Especially after all that shit about is Riley really mine. Fuck that bitch," he said angrily. "Riley is ours and that's the end of it. And anyone who doesn't like it can take a flying fuck!"

Secretly it made me glad that he trusted me so implicitly. I smiled a little. my ice slowly beginning to thaw. "So she's really gone?" Not that that would change anything. I was just asking.

He nodded, completely serious. "She left around 5 AM and Trace took her. I didn't want to see her anywhere near me, to be honest. I've never been more mad at a female before in my life! She can go fuck herself as far as I'm concerned. I told her to get her shit out of my house before I get back, too. I'm not gonna let you and my little girl get disrespected, you know? I'm just not. So ... she had to go. He grabbed a chubby leg of Riley's and pulled her back to the center of the comforter.

"Well, thanks, Justin. I'm just not sure what else to say ..."

He turned to me, all excited. "So, this is what I was thinking ... you and Riley should pack up and move to LA but only after we find a new house. That way we can make a fresh start with no bad memories, right? And then ..." he went on and on, waxing poetic about our live until I had to stop him.

Justin's POV:

"Justin! Stop!" Tara's voice cut through my pleasant musings.

"What?" Seriously, I had no clue what she was so upset about.

She shook her head. "You're going way too far here. I never promised you any of that."

Again I grabbed one of Riley's limbs and pulled her back to safety. "But we talked about this! We made plans, T!" I knew I looked so forlorn that I felt bad for her. I knew she'd feel bad for me.

She tried to be gentle. "No, Justin ... you talked about those things, not me. I just ... listened."

"Well why the fuck didn't you say something? Instead of letting me ramble on like that!"

"I did ... I tried. But you wouldn't listen. You were totally excited and you didn't want to hear how you were moving too fast for me. I need to ... if we're even gonna try to to do this again it needs to be very slow. And ... no, it's not exclusive. We can both see other people for the time being."

"Tara!" I was outraged but she forged ahead.

"But I will take you up on your offer to come to LA for awhile. It might be nice to get some things that I left behind and I know Sasha and JC wouldn't mind seeing each other. And ... maybe we can try taking things slowly. And I mean slowly, Justin."

I made a gagging noise, then a retching sound and she shushed me.

"Look, do you want us there or not?"

That shut me up immediately and then, interrupting us, Momma came out with some sweet tea and Tara, Riley and I enjoyed the afternoon, lazing around talking about everything and nothing. Although I couldn't keep the night before off of my mind when I had knocked on her door softly several times only to have no one answer.

It didn't matter though. We were gonna sleep together again soon, no doubt about it.

I was gonna make it happen. Just watch me.

*~*

On second thought, maybe Plan "Get Tara Back" wasn't working as well as I thought it might. Things just weren't going my way.

First of all, she informed me that the primary reason for the visit was for me to bond with Riley, which I did, in between working on my new CD. But it also left her free to run around town acting crazy. And it didn't help that Sasha's ass was there either. The two of them in a town like LA, single and free? Bad situation. Although free isn't wasn't what I'd use to describe Sasha since she was fucking around with JC for a fucking decade, but what the fuck ever. No good was coming of the town of them in LA.

Meanwhile I was on diaper duty. Watching kids shows and shit. Riley's gonna be a musician, I just know it. She's already got the beat down for dancing, and I swear when I hear her singing sometimes she sounds like she has perfect pitch! Can you imagine? Almost two and so talented. Momma says she reminds her of me at that age which is funny because I consider her to be Tara's mini-me.

Now back to Tara. She goes out almost every night in totally slutty outfits (that are kinda sexy I have to admit) and stays out all night. She even insists on sleeping in the guest bedroom. Tell me what's up with that? After everything we've been through she now refuses to sleep with me because it will "confuse" things.

Fuck that!

Most importantly, NO SEX. NONE. NADA. And I an not happy about that shit. I need sex in order to think, breathe, just fucking exist! And since Tara arrived two weeks ago I haven't creeped not once, no matter how tempted I've been. That's how committed I've been! And for what? Blue balls, that's what. Oh - Riley's crying. Gotta go.

Sasha's POV:

Where do I start? With the fiasco in Shelby Forest, TN (it sounds so much more country than Millington) or the hot nights in LA? Shelby Forest was a trip and a half. Timberfuck was in rare form, trying to play host yet keeping himself between two girls who wanted to beat each others ass like the whole something. It was funny to watch, especially the big show down where Cameron tried to step to my girl Tara and ended up running away to save her ass from the beat down of the century. Pure comedy.

Then Timberfuck was all stuttering "Cam ... we need to talk ... Tara and I ... well, we talked and ..." and that was it. Cameron guessed the rest (guess she's not as big an idiot as I thought) and flipped out and that's when she challenged Tara to a fight thinking someone would step in to help her out. NOPE! So then after Cameron ran away, Justin was all "See? Now we can be together" or some shit like that and Tara just gave him a dirty look and walked away as well she should have.

Back upstairs, she basically told me and Jen that the night before was a booty call which we thought was sketchy but we gave her the benefit of the doubt when she didn't go sneaking downstairs to see him again.

*gag*

But she was pissed for him not being a man and standing up and telling Cameron the truth before she could guess it with all his stammering and stuttering. You should've heard him outside on Lynn's patio. If she hadn't had the nerve to call my friends and family the cast of Motown I might've laughed if it hadn't come from her anorexic ass.

Lucky for her she made her grand escape and was ghost by the time I blinked an eye. Back to Tara - she's not as sprung as she once was. Well she says she isn't but I'll believe it when I see it. But for now her word is good. Let's just hope she keeps the physical and emotional stuff from the sex. That's it. Guys do it all the time! Fuck so do I! Shit.

Right after the mess at Lynn's I called JC and plans were set in motion. We rendezvoused at his hotel and SERIOUSLY got busy. I know, I know, you're asking why I'm not married or something by now. I just like how things are. We're not screwing anyone else but we're free to flirt around. Well, it's been years of fighting, arguing, semi-apologizing, make-up sex ... it works for us.

I guess there's really no right way to describe us. We've been 'together' for almost 10 years now, hell, we've lasted longer than Tara and Fuck face. We're not together constantly, like up each others' asses. He's on the West Coast and I'm on the East Coast, we just make lots of trips back and forth for extended periods of time. Sometimes we talk about making it official but I'm scared and I think he is, too. What if he's not 'The One'? So many people shack up and everything is fine until they get married and then it's over. I don't want that. When I get married it's gonna be forever or at least it'll be done in California which is a 50/50 state so I can be sure to get half so I can continue my lifestyle uninterrupted.

Oh shit. I guess I kinda love the motherfucker. In love? I don't know. Love? Yeah. He's second only to Riley, Tara and Jen now. Sadly, he beats out my parents because at least he's not on my ass about needing an allowance and becoming an old maid. If I'm not ready to get married even if it's to 'that White boy' as my dad loves to say then it's my business. I'll do something when I get ready. JC seems ready sometimes ... I know he wants kids. So do I. So maybe soon. Jen's engaged and Tara's already got a baby and we swore we'd raise our kids together so maybe I need to get on the ball.

Whoa, I went way deeper than I meant to there. Back to the matter at hand.

After we got some ass, JC agreed with me about the Cameron stuff too much, even for Justin. I brought it up after a marathon session.

"I hope he knows how much trouble this is gonna be if he doesn't handle it correctly," JC sighed. "This is definitely some shit."

"He's trying to get back together with Tara. She's not buying it now, though."

We looked at each other for another momentarily, then burst out laughing, saying, "Yeah ... right."

I swear, I'm the only girl to want to murder this jerk - why oh why does my best friend do this to me?

Anyhow, JC and I spent the night together and I ended up creeping into Lynn's house in the wee hours of the morning. When I arrived in the bedroom Jen heard me and stirred. I asked her, "Where is everyone?"

Jen announced, "Still asleep, like I should be. I won't even ask what YOU'VE been doing."

I rolled my eyes and brushed her comment off, heading for the shower. My luck held up: Jen didn't follow my ass and as a plus Justin would be grossed out when he found out where I spent the night. Yay!

When I got out of the shower, sure enough, Jen and Tara were sitting on the bed with Riley, eager for every detail. I don't know why, we didn't do anything that we didn't do before. Although now that I think about it. Jen is missing her fiance pretty badly and Tara ... well her ass is just plain nosy. I gave them the 411 but it wasn't like we were swinging off of chandeliers or anything. Nothing really new to report.

So then we got to talking about who else? The saga that is Tara and Justin. Who the fuck cares anymore. I mean really?

Well I guess I do. Care, I mean. Because I sat right down and listened to Tara go on about why she wouldn't be with Justin again. I was proud of her for not accepting his lame ass stand up to Cameron. She deserved better and instead of letting him walk all over her like she's done in the past, she stood up for herself.

Unfortunately though, she's going to visit him in California with Riley. Which of course means I'm going too, to make sure she doesn't fall under his spell yet again. Someone has to watch the baby while those two act the fool, right?

Justin's POV:

You're not going to fucking believe this shit. NOT BELIEVE.

First the clubs, shopping and partying all over town with Sasha while I'm stuck at home. Not that I mind being with Riley, but still. Next, blathering on and on about the New Kids on the Block reunion. I mean come ON. NKOTB? Jesus. She HAD to see them on the East Coast because she had to go with Jen. Hadto. And so I graciously agree. I even arranged for Momma to come over and help when she's gone! So I'm trying to be patient and do right and let me show her I can be her perfect boyfriend but I haven't gotten so much as a kiss. I hoped she would give me one when I took her to the airport - yeah my girl and her wack ass friend are riding in a private plane because that's how I do it - but no, nothing. And after the effort of doing all of that (well it only took only once phone call really) she could show some fucking appreciation. Although she did and jump up and down and hug me ecstatically but that was about it. No kisses, no feeling, no touching ... no me touching her ass ... I just can't take it anymore!

But I haven't gotten to the best part yet! She met Donnie Wahlberg, the fucking love of her life since she was like 12. How the hell can you compete with that? I am sick. If she fucks around with them I'll kill both of them. I'd know if they did, too. I know Tara like the back of my hand and I'd peep that shit right away. Plus I have my ways of finding out shit. So when she called me after the first show I played it cool.

"You having fun? Where are your friends?" I wanted to talk to the motherfucker before he tried to bust a move in front of my girl. Which sucked because Donnie and I were kinda cool before but if it came down to him or my girl you know which way I was rolling.

"Oh we're just hanging out with Donnie and Jordan right after they got off on stage. Wanna see?"

Then her cruel ass texted the pic to me where she was all cuddled up with Donnie, as was Jen with Jordan, leaving Sasha in the middle looking disgruntled. Shit pissed me off even more. T looked so pretty and Donnie was all wrapped around her. And there was nothing I could do, short of committing a felony and going to jail.

But back to the story ...

"What the fuck are you doing, hanging out with them?"

"They invited us to the after party and I hang with whomever I like, Justin. Don't get it twisted."

I fumed. "I don't like this, Tara. Not one fucking bit!"

"Oh calm down," she tried to reassure me. "I liked him when I was 17 for God's sake. I'm just here to have a good time and relax. I'm not sweating him anymore. It's just something fun to do with my girls."

Right.

So why then did she pack the sexiest lingerie and clothes? She was driving me crazy between my dick getting hard and her looking so gorgeous. Something had to give. This was all my fault, using my contacts to set things up for her. I just wanted her to be happy again. Well my plan worked and then some.

If it was between me and Donnie, I really wasn't sure who she'd choose.

Again, fuck me.