"Joey?"

"Hey, Joe, wake up!"

Something soft hit Joey in the face. With a disgruntled moan, he opened his bleary eyes to find Justin and Chris standing beside him, both armed with cream-colored throw pillows. Holding out a hand in weak self-defense as he struggled to sit up, Joey muttered, "Okay, okay, hold your fire. I'm up."

"It's about time, Sleeping Beauty," Chris said, tossing his pillow to the other end of the sofa. "And I thought JC was the heavy-duty sleeper around here!"

With both feet resting on the floor, Joey ran both hands up and down his face several times, feeling the rough bristle of his beard. "What time is it?"

Justin announced, "It's time for us to patter on downstairs to meet with the rest of the gang. Remember our little date?"

"What little date?" Joey looked up ever so slightly from his hands.

"Our little date at the country club," said Chris, as if a dimwit should have known that.

"The one we've all been discussing and making plans for all week," added Justin in the same condescending tone.

"Oh, right," said Joey as it slowly dawned on him.

"And we were just about to leave without you, too," Justin said. "We'd have been halfway there by now had JC not made us come back here to retrieve you."

"Good thing you already got your shoes on," Chris noted. "So come on, Joe, get your lazy rear in gear."

"But I haven't had breakfast yet," Joey protested.

As if the words were a cue, Chris fished out a small bottle of juice from one of the big pockets of his khaki shorts while Justin produced two unwrapped granola bars. "Got you covered," Justin said, holding up the bars like a set of pistols.

With a slight face, Joey only said, "Thanks." He started to stand up, and then immediately sank back to the couch as a wave of dizziness washed over him.

Chris and Justin's eyes widened at the sight. "Whoa, hey, man," said Chris, reaching out a hand toward him, "you okay?"

"What's the matter?" Justin asked.

Joey closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths before answering. "Nothing. Just got a little dizzy, that's all." When he tried his feet again, he hadn't taken three steps when he staggered; he might have had a bad fall if the other two guys weren't there to catch him. Chris and Justin both staggered a bit themselves under the unexpected weight.

"Hey—watch it!" Justin exclaimed.

"Sorry." Joey felt his face flush, and he focused his gaze on the light gray carpet as his friends helped to steady him.

"What was that all about?" Chris asked, knitting his brows. "Are you sure you're okay, Joe?"

"Do you think you should go with us after all?" Justin asked, sounding worried as well. "Do you think you're better off staying here?"

"Yes, and no," said Joey, his voice low but resolute. He braced his back and brushed his fingers through his stiff brown hair before snatching the food and drink out of their hands. "This is our first free weekend since God knows when, and I'm going to enjoy every last bit of it, and I'm not going to let a little stupid dizzy spell stop me."

Chris and Justin regarded him with expressions of equal concern, but asked no further questions. Not that it would have done any good, anyway; JC was always saying that Joey would claim to be fine even if he belonged in a hospital. So they just followed Joey out the door, though they made sure to stay close as they made their way down the three full flights to where the others were waiting.

---

Even with Joey's oversleeping and the need to stop for gas about twenty minutes into the trip, they made it to their destination in good time. As they pulled into the parking lot, they could tell straight off that other people had this place in mind for their weekend as well. It took almost five full minutes just to find an available parking slot, and even after they'd stepped through the front doors, they practically had to join arms to stay together.

"Boy, what a zoo," JC remarked as he craned his neck in his observance of the crowd.

"I'd say it's a zoo and a circus rolled into one," said Lance.

"We're sure lucky we managed to get in this place," said Chris.

"We're lucky even to fit in this place," Justin complained as he felt three or four people jostle him.

Joey said nothing. Under normal circumstances, he would be as hyped up as anyone else to be here, but right now, all he wanted was to get to some place where he could lie down and take it easy. Even though he had been sleeping a great deal lately—more so than usual, for that matter—he felt as if he'd hardly slept at all. He stayed quiet until he and his group had made their way, almost by brute force, to the pool.

Fortunately, there was still plenty of space in the Olympic-sized pool when they got there, since half of the people in the area appeared more interested in soaking up sun than water. Chris gave a whoop as he removed his dark sunglasses, kicked off his sandals, shucked his T-shirt, and took off at full speed. "Last one to the water is a gutless guppy!" he called over his shoulder.

Lance and Justin readily tagged after him, while JC decided to consult the snack bar first. "Can I grab anything for you while I'm at it, Joe?" he asked.

"No, thanks," said Joey as he spread his towel over the warm pavement and settled down. "I think I'll just catch a few rays…maybe a few Zs, too." He said this last part so softly that he wasn't sure JC had heard him.

"Suit yourself," JC said, and walked away.

Joey stripped off his own shirt, rolled up his sneakers in it, and used the bundle for a pillow as he stretched out on his back. He closed his eyes and sighed, savoring the sun's warmth as he would a hot bath after a long, grueling day. His mind began to float away, and soon the splashing from the pool, the music playing over the loudspeakers, and the basic chatter and laughter from the surrounding public faded into the sweet silence of sleep.

He wasn't sure how long he had slept when he woke to the feel of something cold and wet dripping onto his face and chest. When he opened his eyes, it was to find Chris hovering over him. The soaking wet man looked incredulous.

"Don't tell me you took another nap, Joe!"

"Mmm?" Though Chris's shadow shielded him from the glare of the sun, Joey shut his eyes and put a hand over them. "Ugh…boy…guess I did doze off again, didn't I?"

"Again?" said Justin's disbelieving voice.

"Sheez, man," Lance's voice chimed in, "when it comes to winding down and taking it easy, you take the cake."

"Sorry," said Joey, with a genuine touch of chagrin. "I must've been more tired than I thought."

"You've sure been sleeping an awful lot lately, dude." Joey knew from the direction of Chris's voice and the absence of dripping that Chris had settled beside him on the towel. "Even JC appears more lively than you these days."

Removing his hand and tilting his head a bit toward Chris, Joey said with a wry smile, "Guess my age is starting to show, huh?"

Chris's brown eyes narrowed and his lower lip jutted in a scowl. "Dude, I resent that! If you think you're old, what does that suggest about me? I'm the oldest, remember?"

Lance and Justin, who sat together on Joey's other side, both laughed and Lance said heartily, "You guys aren't old. Not that old, anyway."

"Not yet," Justin added, somewhat forebodingly.

Joey changed the subject. "Looks like you three had quite a swim."

"I'll say," said Chris as he groped for another, smaller towel and dabbed his face and neck. "The water's awesome, man; you don't know what you've been missing!"

Justin agreed vigorously. "Cool enough to be refreshing, and clear enough to see all the way to the bottom, even at the deepest end."

"And clean as a whistle, too," Lance added, reaching for his own towel, "for a public pool."

"Then again," Justin said, "this isn't just any public pool. I think they use more than just chlorine to keep it clean."

"I think you'd better stop right there, J," said Chris, eyeing the youngest man warily. "Sometimes your imagination is best left to your imagination."

Joey smiled and closed his eyes once more, but then Chris spoke to him in an odd tone.

"Joey! Where'd that big bruise come from?"

 

---

 

“What was that?” While Joey was far from deaf, he wasn’t sure his ears had quite made sense of Chris’s words.

Justin and Lance looked puzzled, too. “What’s this about a bruise, Chris?” Lance asked.

“What are you talking about?” Justin added, quirking his eyebrows.

“I’m talking about this one, right here,” Chris said, using his index finger to tap very lightly on Joey’s right arm, just below the shoulder. When Joey sat upright and twisted his arm a bit, and the other two guys scooted in closer, their eyes widened at the blue-black patch on Joey’s bare skin. It was at least the size of a dollar piece, and rather ugly. Joey started to touch it himself, but quickly withdrew his hand.

“Oh, wow,” Justin said with a low whistle. “That looks nasty!”

“How in the world did that happen, Joe?” Lance asked softly.

“I don’t know,” said Joey, every bit as baffled as his friends were, if not more so. “Must have banged it on something, I suppose.”

Chris frowned. “I don’t recall you having any serious falls or crashes before, Joe,” he muttered. “Not recently, anyway. And even if you did, surely it couldn’t have been serious enough to give you this kind of mark.”

“Well, still,” said Joey, in an unconvincing attempt at bravado, “it’s just a bruise, right? It’s not that big of a deal, right?”

Lance shook his head. “I’m no medical whiz, Joe, but I don’t like the look of that bruise at all.”

“Me neither,” said Justin.

“Me neither,” Chris echoed.

“I don’t think you could have gotten something like that from just anywhere,” Lance went on.

Before Joey could say anything else, JC showed up right then, bringing a strawberry mocktail with him. “Hey, gents,” he said, “what’s going on over here?”

Quickly, Joey covered his bruise with his free hand, but he wasn’t quick enough. JC looked at him curiously. “What’s up with you, Joey?”

“Nothing.”

Lance and Chris rolled their eyes while Justin said with a soft scoff, “Like heck, it’s nothing.”

Even if JC hadn’t known Joey as well as he did for as long as he had, he didn’t buy that “nothing” for a second. “Come on, man,” he said in his best you-can-never-fool-me tone as he crouched beside him and Chris. “Move your hand, please.”

“No!”

“Oh, you might as well, Joe,” said Chris, as if speaking to a three-year-old. “Besides, he’ll only pry off your fingers if you don’t.”

Reluctantly, Joey brought his bruise to light once more. Now it was JC’s turn to go all wide-eyed and gasp; he almost lost his hold on his glass. “Oh, my gosh, Joey! How did you get that?”

“That’s what I asked him, a moment ago,” Chris said.

JC ran his fingertip gently over the dark blot and winced, as if it pained him to touch it. “Oooh…that doesn’t look good. Not good at all.”

“Well, that doesn’t make me feel good ‘at all,’” Joey muttered.

“What happened to you, man?”

Unable to help himself, Joey snapped, “I don’t know, okay? Maybe I’m a bigger klutz than any of us thought, or maybe there’s not enough iron in my diet, or maybe my skin decided to go for a different color! Now, will you all just get off my back?”

The others jumped at this unexpected outburst. Then Chris’s eyes narrowed and he said softly but bluntly, “Geez, Joe, no need to go and snap our heads off.”

“Ex-cuse us for showing some concern,” Justin added.

Joey glared at them, but only said, “I’m going to the snack bar.”

Before he went there, however, he pulled on his rumpled shirt once more, and he tugged on his sleeve a bit to make sure his bruise was completely covered.

 

---

 

When they returned to their condo that night, Chris, Justin, Lance, and JC were exhausted from all the swimming, golfing, tennis, dancing, eating, and overall splurging they had done. Joey, despite having spent almost the entire time sleeping or reclining in a deck chair, dozed off during the ride home, and later had to be practically dragged up the stairs. As soon as Chris unlocked the door and they’d all stumbled inside, Joey announced, “I’m taking a shower and going to bed.”

No one raised any objection, though it was starting to truly bother the others that Joey could still be fatigued now. They were too tired and had had too good of a day to argue, anyway. So, while Joey slogged down the hall to the bathroom, JC and Lance settled down to watch the evening news in the living room while Chris and Justin opted to play a round of cards in the kitchen.

After Joey had his shower, he studied himself in the mirror for a minute; he had to admit, if not aloud, that he was looking below par these days. His face appeared pasty, despite his light sunburn, and looking a little closer, he could just make out a strange lump in his neck, close to his jaw. He also noticed a few more bruises scattered across his upper body—not as prominent as the one on his arm, but no less unsightly.

With a mild shake of his head, Joey thought, It’s no big deal. Besides, I can always pick up an antibiotic if it’s something serious. Even as this notion sounded through his brain, some deeper, more rational part of him was not so sure.

Turning away from the mirror, he pulled on some fresh nightclothes and headed for his room, the one he shared with Lance and Chris. Soft blue moonlight peeked through the half-closed curtains, and the clock radio on the nightstand read a quarter to twelve. Joey sighed as he slid between the cool sheets, and he was out like a light almost the instant his head hit the pillow.

Sometime during the early morning, however, he woke up with an unpleasant start. Before he could settle down again, he became aware of how damp his sheets were; it was as if someone had just poured a full bucket of water all over his bed. He also noticed he was dripping with perspiration, and he felt the sudden, desperate urge to throw up.

He nearly tripped on the sheets in his scramble from his bed, and he only just made it to the bathroom before he let loose.

 

---

 

 

After staying by the toilet for what seemed like ages, Joey thoroughly doused his face with cold water and used some Cool Mint Listerine to get rid of the horrible taste in his mouth.

Later, before the other guys could wake up, he made sure to change his sheets and clothes, so that by the time he showed up for breakfast, you would not have thought there was anything out of the ordinary. All four of his mates had already assembled at the table when he got there. “That is so gross, man,” Justin was saying to Chris, who had just poured himself some orange juice and some Diet Coke, using the same glass.

“Tastes okay to me,” Chris said after stirring the stuff around with a long straw and taking a sip.

Lance made a grimace and JC said wryly, “They call you the crazy one for good reason.”

Joey took his seat without a word and reached for the nearest cereal box. His friends all looked at him, but no one said anything for a minute, though their unease showed clearly in their faces and postures. JC ended up breaking the awkward silence first. “Hey, Joey.”

“Hey,” Joey mumbled back as he added milk to his cereal.

“How are you feeling?” Lance asked gently, pushing aside his mug of coffee. “I could hear you in the bathroom earlier this morning.” 

“Me too,” said Chris. “You sounded awful. Do you feel all right?”

“I’m okay,” Joey said softly, without looking up. “It must have been something I ate yesterday.” 

“Somehow, man, I doubt that’s the case,” Justin said.

JC reached over to touch Joey’s forehead. “I think you’ve got a fever, and your jaw’s all swollen.” 

“I’m fine, guys. Really.”

Shaking his head, making no effort to hide his sarcasm, Chris said, “If a lie showed up as plain as the nose on your face, Joey, you’d give Pinocchio a run for his money.”

“I think we should get you checked out today,” said JC, his hand still covering Joey’s brow. “This could be a bigger deal than any of us might assume.”

In addition to his annoyance, it surprised Joey that JC was the one to make the proposal, considering how the man felt about doctors and hospitals. Justin, Lance, and Chris were surprised, too; they recalled all too well the times when JC pitched a fit at the mere sight of a needle. But since there was no counterargument for this, Lance said, “I suppose today would be as good a day as any, when we’ve got some time to ourselves.”

“I was hoping to do something a bit more productive with my free time,” Chris muttered. At a warning glance from JC, he added quickly, “But I guess I’ll tag along with the rest of you. You know, for moral support.”

“Count me in, too,” Lance said.

Justin didn’t appear any happier about this than Chris did, but all he said was, “Okay, so when should we ship out?”

“The sooner, the better,” JC said, standing up and rummaging through his jeans pocket for his keys. “I’ll drive.”

“Now, wait a minute, guys,” Joey interjected. “Don’t I get a say-so in this?”

All eyes turned to him once more. “What do you mean by ‘a say-so’?” JC inquired.

“You go ahead and plan a doctor’s visit on the spot, and you don’t bother to ask me whether I even want to go in the first place?”

“Is this a matter of permission?” Chris asked, crossing his arms over the table and arching his eyebrows meaningfully.

Joey retorted, “In my case, yes!”

JC shook his head as he produced his keys with a flourish. “Sorry, Joey, but this isn’t up for debate. You’re going to the doctor, and you’re going today, this very morning.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are,” JC countered.

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are,” said Lance. 

“No, I’m not!”

 

---

 

An hour later, Joey could be found simmering in the waiting room of the nearest hospital in the district. He sat as far on the edge of his chair as he could without falling off, his arms folded atop his knees, grumbling a steady stream of indistinct words to himself. On his left side, JC was quietly flipping through the latest issue of People and looking smug. Lance sat in the chair on Joey’s right side, toying with his phone, and Chris and Justin stood close by with Styrofoam cups of coffee.

Chris took a drink, and almost spat it back into the cup. “Blecch! This coffee’s terrible! It’s like melted crayons from the inside of an old rubber tire.”

“This from the man who mixes his Coke with his OJ,” said Justin with a shrewd, sidelong glance.

The rest of the room, while not too crowded, was far from empty. Young people, old people, sickly-looking people, and people who appeared the picture of health sat or stood in various places, talking, crying, reading magazines and newspapers, or downing cup after cup of the coffee Chris found so revolting. Chris tried at least two more sips before he gave up. Justin, on the other hand, seemed to think the stuff tasted just fine, so Chris passed his cup to his younger companion and went to look for something, as he put it, “to put a better taste in my mouth.”

All the time they waited, Joey avoided looking directly at JC or any of his mates. He kept pressing his hands as he sat there, cracking his knuckles. It was almost another hour before he was called in, and though Lance patted him on the back and JC wished him luck, he still refused to face them as he made the dreaded walk down the hall. He vowed to himself that as soon as he was out of here, he would make sure to land JC and the other guys in here as well.

The time dragged. Every minute was the equivalent of an hour, and every hour spanned a hundred years.

Chris, who had never had much patience for lengthy waits, grew more and more restless and irritable; soon, even JC was starting to fret. Lance drummed his fingers on the wooden armrest of his chair while Justin paced the length of the room, back and forth.

What could possibly be taking so long?

As Lance had said before, none of them were experts when it came to the field of medicine. All the same, there was no denying the sense that something was wrong—very wrong.

At last, when they were on the verge of total combustion, a petite nurse with dark, curly hair and a soft Spanish accent came to them and summoned the “party for Mr. Joey Fatone.” Judging from her face and tone, all four men knew at once that the prospects were not pretty. With hammering hearts, clenched stomachs, and legs of jelly, they followed the woman into the next room, where they found Joey with his doctor.

 

---

 

 

Joey sat by himself on one side of a wide mahogany desk, his body rock-rigid and his face somehow paler than usual. In a flash his gang joined him, one following the other.

“Joey!”

“Joey, are you okay?”

“Are you all right?”

“What’s going on?”

“Ask him,” was all Joey said, his voice low and sullen. He nodded toward the man on the other side of the desk, who introduced himself as Dr. Tyler Richardson.

Dr. Richardson was a tall, well-built, good-natured man; he looked to be at least a few years older than Chris. His skin was a dark, rich brown, as were the eyes behind his wire-rimmed glasses. His whole head was shaved clean, although his face sported a nice little mustache and goatee combo.

After shaking hands with Joey’s group, he invited them to all have a seat, though JC and Lance were the only ones to actually settle into the spare chairs. Chris and Justin, who likely could not have sat still if they’d tried, stood behind Joey instead; they did, however, keep their hands on Joey’s shoulders, with Justin holding the right and Chris squeezing the left. In the meantime, Lance reached for Joey’s hand and JC put his own hand on Joey’s forearm. Joey did not look at any of his companions as they did this, but he made no resistance to their touches, either.

Dr. Richardson could sense their worry and apprehension, and while he spoke to them in a kindly manner, he held nothing back. “I’ve checked Mr. Fatone over, considered his symptoms and taken a blood sample. The results of his total blood count tell me there’s a problem that calls for further investigation.”

“What kind of problem?” JC asked, and the others could tell he was making a significant effort to stay calm.

“There’s an odd shortage in his normal blood cells. This includes the white and red cells, as well as the platelets—which would explain Mr. Fatone’s unusual fatigue and bruising.” Dr. Richardson removed his glasses and polished them with a small cloth as he continued, “Results such as these allude to greater health concerns, and while I can make a few good guesses right now, we must delve into much more advanced tests to be absolutely sure.” He returned his glasses to their perch. “That’s why I’m recommending you to another hospital, one that offers some of the country’s finest staff, technology, and overall quality of care.”

“What?” Chris cried, his hand tightening on Joey. “You can’t be serious!”

“On the contrary, sir, I am quite serious. After all, I’ve worked in this field for over fifteen years. I know a health puzzle when I see it, and the people I’m sending you to will help decipher it.”

“I don’t think I like the sound of that,” said JC grimly.

Neither Lance nor Justin said anything, but Joey felt their grips harden as well.

“I don’t mean to alarm any of you,” said Dr. Richardson as he reached for a pen and a small notepad. “Even so, what I’m seeing in Mr. Fatone concerns me, and the sooner we get to the bottom of this, the better.” He wrote something down and passed the sheet to JC, who took it with slightly trembling fingers. “This particular hospital is about a half-hour’s drive from where we are now, and I have already taken the liberty of putting down Mr. Fatone’s name there. You may check in at any time.”

JC read the information on the paper carefully, and when he faced Dr. Richardson once more, he only said, “Thank you, sir.” Even as he said it, he neither looked nor sounded the least bit grateful.

Now Chris, Lance, and Justin eased their hold and Chris took a few steps back. No one knew what to say.

When Joey looked at his mates as they left the room together, he saw that their faces were stunned, almost horrified. Though he would not readily admit it, Joey was terrified, too. For that matter, “terrified” would have been a gross understatement.

 

---

 

 

Since the arrangements had already been set in motion, and there was no more sense in Joey’s pretending to be “fine,” the five made the solemn trip to the designated hospital—which, indeed, took a little less than thirty minutes to get there—and Joey soon found himself in his own little suite with his own sickbay apparel.

Aside from the unfriendly-looking machinery, this place could have easily passed off for a fancy hotel. The walls and floor of Joey’s room were made of dark, pristine wood. Beautiful paintings in ornate frames graced the walls. The furniture scattered about the room appeared thick, cozy, and tasteful. A small flat-screen TV faced the bed, and a massive window that ran almost the entire length of the wall provided an excellent view. There was even a series of little circular lights on the ceiling, kept at a level that was gentle on the eyes while saving the room from complete darkness.

Justin whistled through his teeth as he took in the milieu. “Not bad,” he remarked. “Not bad at all. Definitely a far cry from what I’d been expecting.”

“This is very nice,” JC said with an approving nod. “If this place wasn’t a hospital, I’d love to stick around for a while myself.”

Joey, who had already settled into the bed, said nothing. He rested in a semi-sitting position, surveying his hands in his lap, and the little band on his wrist that marked him as a “patient.” Despite his exhaustion, he doubted he’d be getting much sleep tonight. He still reeled from Dr. Richardson’s analysis, and he didn’t know whether to thank his friends for getting him into this, or to throttle them.

At length, Chris joined Joey’s side. Joey couldn’t help thinking about how quiet Chris had been all day. All the guys had been subdued, of course, but Chris’s silence especially stood out, given his reputation as the most active and most talkative member. Sitting cautiously on the edge of the crisp mattress, Chris regarded Joey with a strange expression; it was almost as if he were caught between wanting to hug Joey and wanting to maintain a safe distance. When the older man spoke, he asked softly, “Can we get you anything, Joe? Is there anything special you want?”

Joey replied flatly, “I just want to get this stupid business over with. I want to get out of here and get back to my life, in the least amount of time possible.”

Hearing this, JC made a beeline to the bed and gave Joey’s shoulder a reassuring pat. “You’ll be fine, man. They’ll run a couple of tests, figure out what’s up with you and how to fix it, and you’ll be home-free before you know it.”

Somehow, Joey sensed JC was saying that to convince himself as much as anyone else. “This isn’t how I’d planned my weekend to go,” Joey said, his head sagging to his chest.

“We could very well say the same, man,” said Lance softly as he sidled up next to JC. “But don’t worry. Everything is going to be okay, and we’ve got your back all the way.”

If this was meant to make Joey feel better, it didn’t work. 

Another long, heavy silence followed. Then JC said, with his eyes on his digital watch, “I think at least one of us should stay here for the night, guys. No sense in all of us jamming up the place, but no sense in leaving Joey alone, either. What do you think?”

Justin shrugged, while Chris only said, “I suppose so.”

“Come on, guys,” Joey protested, “I’m not a little kid. I think I can live through one night in the hospital by myself.”

“That may be the case,” JC told him. “But even so, you shouldn’t have to go through something like this by yourself—and giving you a little company is the least we can do for you. The absolute least.” He turned back to the others. “So, who’ll volunteer the first watch?”

“I’ll do it,” said Lance quickly, raising his hand somewhat.  

Neither Chris nor Justin raised any objection, so JC nodded and said, “All right, Lance. We’ll start with you and take turns throughout the week.”

Joey opened his mouth, as if to say something, but changed his mind.

Inwardly, he was glad that Lance would be with him. While he was a grown man and he could have survived that first night alone, that didn’t mean he relished the thought of actually being alone. 

After promising to come back the next day, just as soon as they could (since there was a great deal to postpone or call off if Joey was going to stick around this place), JC, Chris, and Justin took turns embracing Joey. Each of them held on much longer and tighter than Joey would have expected, and their breathing sounded a little shaky. In fact, Joey would have sworn he caught a glint of moisture in all three men’s eyes as they turned toward the door. When he looked at Lance, Lance was already facing a different direction, one hand lifted to his face.

Joey imagined if they were in a movie, this would be one of those scenes where dismal music played in the background, and some of the viewers would be tearing up a bit.

 

---

 

The night passed in a fit of fever dreams. Each time Joey woke up, it took him a minute to remember where he was. The third or fourth time he stirred, sometime well after midnight, he tilted his head a bit and discovered Lance camped out on one of the big recliners next to his bed. Lance, who was using his folded-up jacket for a pillow, appeared dead to the world, but one of his hands loosely gripped Joey’s hand. Joey was surprised and a little embarrassed at this gesture, yet he also found it strangely comforting.

When morning came at last, Joey’s eyes were open long before Lance shifted and opened his own eyes. Lance yawned deeply, then groaned as he adjusted his neck and massaged his stubbly face. Joey could tell his companion hadn’t rested any easier than he had.

When Lance looked up from his hands, he said softly, “Hi, Joey. How are you feeling this morning?”

“Like someone pulled a plug on me,” Joey said in the same muted tone. “I feel like I can barely move. Feel like the heat’s been turned up, too.”

Lance placed his hand gingerly against Joey’s face, and frowned. “Hmm, you do feel pretty warm. Almost as if you just came out of an oven.”

“And your hand feels like it just came out of a freezer.”

Lance stroked Joey’s hot, sticky brow for a few seconds before sighing and dropping his hand to the bed’s railing. He looked like he wanted to say something extremely serious, but when he opened his mouth, all that came out was, “Can I get you anything?”

“Some of that water over there would be nice.”

A small table near the bed held a glass pitcher of ice water and a column of paper cups. That was one of the things Joey and the others would come to appreciate about this place—when it came to food, drink, and little personal luxuries, these people thought of everything and always had plenty of it on hand.

Lance took one of those cups, filled it to the brim, and passed it to Joey, who drained the whole thing in essentially one gulp. “Oh, man…that is good stuff!” Joey said with a gasp, and immediately held out his cup for a refill; Lance must have poured him at least six rounds before he was satisfied. “Amazing, isn’t it?” Joey said after wiping his mouth on the back of his wrist. “Water’s not supposed to have any particular flavor, but as of right now, I don’t think the world’s finest, most expensive wine can compare.”

Lance nodded, but said nothing.

Before too long, another doctor came to see them—a medium-sized, attractive woman with short chestnut hair and glowing blue eyes, who went by the title of Dr. Rachel Coleman. Like Dr. Richardson, she had a way of being pleasant and candid at the same time. After the basic introductions and a bit of small talk, she informed Joey that he was set to have a CT scan that morning, and a biopsy later that afternoon.

“Biopsy?” Lance repeated the word like it was foreign.

“What for?” Joey asked, though he knew the answer before Dr. Coleman gave it to them.

“We’re going to take out a tiny snippet of that lump in your neck for testing,” she said, her long, manicured fingernail grazing Joey’s swollen jaw so lightly he almost didn’t feel it. “While we’re at it, we’ll extract some of your bone marrow and send that in for study, too.”

Lance’s eyes widened and his posture stiffened. Joey felt his stomach clench. Despite their medical ignorance, they both knew the CT scan shouldn’t be much of a problem—but this bone marrow business would not be at all pleasant, because they would have to dig deep into the bone to get the stuff. While Joey wasn’t as skittish around needles as JC was, he knew how much a simple flu shot could hurt, and the idea of having a needle go clear through his bones made him shudder.

Sensing his distress, Dr. Coleman told him kindly, “The procedure won’t take long, and we can give you an anesthetic so you’ll be more comfortable.”

Joey grimaced, but only said, “Guess I’ll do what I have to do.”

Lance remained quiet, but judging from the paleness of his face and the look in his eyes, you would have thought he was the one to undergo such tests.

 

 

---

 

 

It wasn’t until well into the afternoon, after Joey had gone for his bone marrow trial, that Chris, JC, and Justin made it back to the clinic. They found Lance alone in one of the halls, clutching a cup of untouched coffee and appearing the picture of nerves. When they asked him what was going on, where Joey was, if everything was all right, he gave them the shortest, simplest explanation possible. Even with the limited details, JC’s face rivaled the whiteness of the surrounding walls as he listened; Justin looked ready to throw up, and Chris had to sit down due to his shaking legs.

While Joey’s procedure didn’t last too long, it was at least another two hours before they could see him again. Joey was quite mellow from the sedative, but he managed a smile when he saw his mates. They noticed a big white strip on his neck, and while his sheets covered two-thirds of his body, they knew there had to be another bandage somewhere.  

“Sorry we couldn’t get here any sooner,” JC said, sinking into a soft armchair. “The traffic was murder, and we must have made at least a thousand phone calls this morning.”

“Each,” Justin added dryly.

JC went on, “Some people aren’t too happy with us at the moment, as you can imagine.”

“We made sure to go light on the details,” said Chris as he settled onto the armrest of JC’s chair. “We only said you had to stay in the hospital for a couple of days and that we’re suspending all future plans until further notice. Some of our people were understanding, others not so much.” He shook his head and sighed. “Man, some of them really gave us an earful.”

“But never mind that now,” JC said with a wave of his hand. “How do you feel, Joe? Are you okay?”

“As okay as can be expected.”

“How did it go?” asked Justin, who opted to remain standing. “You know, with your tests and everything?”

“The CT scan was no sweat, aside from having to keep perfectly still the whole time.”

“What’s a CT scan?” Chris asked.

“A glorified X-ray of your entire body. They load you into this big machine and you have to stay still as a stone while they take your picture from all sorts of angles. They say it doesn’t take long, but to me, it took forever.”

“Doesn’t sound like Chris would fare too well in a device like that,” said JC, which earned him a light punch from Chris.

“And your bone marrow?” Justin asked with some apprehension. “Lance said they took some of that out of you, too.”

Joey nodded and put a hand on his left hip. “Yep. Stuck a long syringe right here and just sucked it out, like a mutant mosquito.”

Everyone winced. “Oooh…that sounds nasty,” said Chris softly.

JC said, “If they’d tried that on me, I would be out the door before they came anywhere near me with that thing. In fact, forget the door; I’d just go straight through the window!”

“Did it hurt, Joe?” Chris asked.

“They gave me a shot of painkiller before they did their job, and they put some kind of numbing cream on the intended spot.” Joey made a mild face. “But yeah…I felt it, all right.”

“Wow,” said Chris, shaking his head again. “Just…wow.”

“You’re a real trooper, man,” said JC, regarding Joey as if he had never seen anyone like him before.

After a while, Justin asked, “So, what happens now?”

Lance was the one to answer that question. “They say it will take at least a day to get the final results, maybe two.”

“I don’t think I can wait that long,” Chris said.

“Neither can I,” said Justin.

How do you suppose I feel? Joey was tempted to say, but held back. Instead, he said, “Well, while we’re waiting, what do you say we do something a bit more fun, guys? We could play a few games, watch a movie or two, and later grab some chow. I hear there’s a real nice cafeteria downstairs, or we could call and have someone bring the food to us.”

“Are you sure the food they serve here is safe to eat?” Chris asked.

This led to a fit of laughter from all the guys, including Joey.

“It may not be five-star gourmet,” Joey said, “but it’s edible.” He couldn’t resist adding, “And even if we do get food poisoning, this would be the perfect place to get it.”

Now Chris laughed with the others and the tension in the room broke like fragile glass.

Joey smiled. Despite what he’d been through and what he had yet to face, it sure felt good to laugh and joke with the old gang again.

 

---

 

 

The next two days passed in a surrealistic blur. Joey went through what felt like a hundred tests, getting poked with needle after needle until he started to think of himself as a living pincushion. He half-expected to start glowing in the dark after the X-rays. And when there were no scans or blood draws, he spent most of his time shut up in his room.

He seldom complained, yet his friends could tell he wasn’t enjoying this one bit. They couldn’t blame him, either.

At least the staff was friendly, the food was surprisingly good (even Chris had to admit to that), and Joey had some terrific room service right at his fingertips. One push of a button, and he could have anything he wanted on the spot—anything, of course, excepting a clean bill of health and an official discharge from this place. Beyond that, it helped a great deal to have the guys around, even if they couldn’t do much about the situation. True to their promise, they took turns staying with Joey at night; after Lance, JC volunteered the second round, and Chris took over the third night. They would sleep on some chair or couch, and sometimes, when sleep was impossible, Joey would chat quietly with them, play some board or card game, or watch TV.

On the fourth day, Dr. Coleman entered Joey’s room with the certified diagnosis. All of Joey’s friends were already gathered around him when she came in. She smiled at them, as she always did, but her eyes revealed that she had some very serious news. Joey felt his mouth go dry and his heart rate pick up, but his voice stayed reasonably steady when he asked, “So, what’s the news flash, doctor?”

Dr. Coleman closed the door and quietly drew up a chair for herself by the bed. She took her time sitting down and getting comfortable before removing several papers from the folder she had brought with her. The way she looked and acted made the other guys nervous, too; Lance and JC, who sat on opposite sides of Joey, huddled a bit closer to him as if to guard him from danger. Chris and Justin, who shared a mini-couch on JC’s side, sat up taller and stiffer. Chris was wearing sunglasses at the moment, and he lifted them to the top of his head. Justin nudged the brim of his jet-black baseball cap a little higher.

Even after taking her seat and extracting the papers, Dr. Coleman waited another minute before she spoke. “As you can see, Joey,”—Joey had always preferred his first name to “Mr. Fatone”—“I have your results right here. We now understand what’s been happening with your body, what it is we’re up against.”  

“And?” Joey hesitated to ask.  

Lance’s hand groped for Joey’s. JC’s hand moved to Joey’s shoulder. Chris leaned forward, his eyes set to pop from their sockets. Justin’s throat twitched as he swallowed hard.

Dr. Coleman closed her eyes and took a slow breath. “There’s no way to go around this, or to sugarcoat it. So I’ll give it to you straight.”

One minute more before she let it spill. 

“You have cancer.”

“What?” Joey’s voice was scarcely a whisper.

“To be more precise, you have what we call AML.”

“AML?”

“Acute myeloid leukemia. It’s the most common kind of leukemia found in adults, and it’s a little more prevalent in men than women.”

Cancer. Leukemia. The words sounded in all listening ears like the tolls of a death bell, and struck all listening hearts with the force of a sledgehammer. Lance gasped aloud, as did JC. Chris’s jaw just about hit the floor, while Justin whispered, “Holy—”

Joey stared at his doctor, certain that she must be kidding, or that there must be some mistake. When he spoke himself, all he could get out was, “Are you sure?”

“Quite sure.”

“You couldn’t be mistaken,” JC said, his voice husky with disbelief.

Dr. Coleman began to leaf through the papers in her lap. “Everything in here says so,” she said, “from the report of the cells taken from Joey’s neck, to the samples of his blood and bone marrow, to his CT scan, to his general list of symptoms. Such symptoms, however, can be linked to a host of other problems—which is why it was necessary to run so many tests to begin with. These tests help to pin down the exact problem now so that we can pursue the appropriate action later.”

“Cancer,” Lance said, so faintly that Joey could barely hear him, despite their closeness. “I don’t believe it!”

“It couldn’t be,” Chris said, shaking his head. “Not him…”

Justin murmured, “I thought it was just some weird virus or something, but this…” He trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.

Joey felt icy dread spread through him, while questions exploded in his mind like a volley of fireworks. The first rational question he could voice was, “What did I do to deserve this?”

“Unfortunately,” said Dr. Coleman empathetically, “there is no specific cause. While some outside elements and personal habits may indeed play a part, sometimes cancer just happens. That’s the truly terrible thing about it, in my opinion—it can strike anyone of any age at any time.”

This made Joey feel like a target on the wall and someone had scored a bull’s-eye on him.

His next question was too horrible to consider, but it found its way off his tongue anyhow. “Am I going to…I mean, can I be cured of this? You can fix this, can’t you?”

“That depends. While this type of cancer is curable, the chances of a cure for a specific patient depend on certain factors. In your case, you are somewhere in the middle. As of this moment, you have about as much a chance of beating your cancer as it has of beating you. I recommend we get you started on treatment right away, and we shall see how well your body reacts to that treatment. The better your response, the better your odds. I’ve seen patients with well-advanced cancer pull through in almost no time because they responded so quickly.”

The next question came from JC. “How will you treat this?”

“We start with chemotherapy.”

Joey’s heart sank, as did those of his mates. They’d all read and heard enough about chemotherapy to know the nasty effects it brought about; it was supposed to be so potent that it was almost as bad as the actual disease. Joey personally recalled a few accounts of people allowing their cancer to take them because they had deemed it “the lesser of the two evils.”

Dr. Coleman went on, “We’ll move you into the oncology department and assign you an oncologist. You’ll start your doses here until we figure out the combination of drugs that will work best for you. Once we’ve achieved that, we’ll give you a catheter—”

“A what?” Joey cut in.

“That’s a special apparatus to help you receive your chemo so you’re spared from a thousand needle sticks. After that, we’ll send you on your way, and you’ll come back for regular doses. If all goes well, you should be over this in a little over four months.”

Joey didn’t like the idea of spending the next four months hooked on bizarre chemicals, to say nothing of the sound of that “should.” He glanced around at the others. Lance was so pale, he looked sickly himself; JC appeared ready to make a serious dent in something, and Justin and Chris had their heads down with their hands covering their faces.

Turning back to Dr. Coleman, Joey asked, “And then what? How will I know if this thing’s gone forever?”

The woman shook her head. “I’m afraid there’s no way of ever knowing, Joey. Even after you complete your rounds, you’ll still have to watch yourself in the ensuing months and years. If you last five years without a relapse, that's when we will consider you officially cancer-free.”

“And if I do fall back?”

“Then you would have to do this all over again—and, I regret to say, your odds of recovery would not be so good.”

 

---

 

 

“You have cancer.” Never in a thousand years would Joey or any of the guys have expected to hear such a statement. They had always assumed cancer happened to other people—but after Dr. Coleman’s little verdict, the word took on a much starker, more terrifying meaning.

After Dr. Coleman left them, JC paced the room for a long time, ranting about how he couldn’t believe this, how there was no way in the world Joey could have cancer, and how these people had to be wrong. The rest of the group sat in grave silence. A few tears slipped down Lance’s face, though he never bothered to brush them away. Justin stared hopelessly at the floor, and Chris continued to cradle his head in his hands.

Joey sat stock-still in his bed, looking at the wall ahead of him without really seeing it. He was at a loss of what to say, what to think, or even what to feel. It was as if multiple forces were pulling his heart in varying directions.

He wanted to throw something. He wanted someone to throw something at. He wanted to scream. He wanted to pack up and go home right now and just forget the whole mess. He wanted to hide under the sheets like a little kid and bawl his eyes out. 

Amid his whirlpool of thoughts, the one notion that stood out, pure and clear, was simply, Why?

Why was this happening to him? Why had his body decided to rebel against him like this? Why did it have to be cancer, of all things?

Why me?

Despite Dr. Coleman’s assurance that cancer sometimes struck even the healthiest, most vigorous people, Joey still felt a pang of self-reproach. Something, somewhere deep inside of him, kept insisting that he should have taken better care of himself—that he should have eaten better, or taken some special vitamins, or exercised more often, or gotten more rest. Now Joey wished more than anything that he had never gone for that stupid health check to begin with, even though another part of him knew that if he had gone on with his life as usual, it would have been only a matter of time before the cancer made its ugly presence fully known.

What was he to do, now? What were they all to do?

There was the chemotherapy, of course, and they lived in an age when diseases that used to be authorized death sentences could be vanquished.

But what if the chemo didn’t work? What if Joey wasn’t so lucky? Dr. Coleman had said that he and his cancer were currently at a gridlock; the odds were as good for one as for the other. Which of them would be the ultimate victor?

And what if the chemo did work? Would it be truly worth going through that stuff just to save his life? Surely the doctors wouldn’t recommend it if they didn’t think it could help, but Joey had read and heard enough to understand his treatment would hardly be a friend to him, either. Even if he did make it through in one piece, this would still be hanging over his head in the coming years. It would be a long, long time before things could start to return to normal, if they would ever be normal again.

Either way he looked at this, there would be a dear price to pay.

No one knew how they made it through the rest of that day. No one said much, including JC after he had blown off steam, and no one felt like doing much of anything. They turned on the TV, though no program could hold their interest. They attempted a few card games, but no one could concentrate. When food was brought to them, they just picked at it. When a star-studded sky appeared outside the window, while it was technically Justin’s turn to spend the night, none of the guys could bring himself to leave, so Joey ended up with four roommates. Not that he minded; right now, these men were all that held his sanity together.

No one got much sleep, if any. Every time Joey coughed or shifted his position, the others got squirrelly. They kept asking him if he was okay, and they jumped at the chance to fetch him something as simple as a drink of water. At an earlier time, Joey would have resented their fussing over him, but now he found it touching. He pictured himself in their shoes and knew he would have been every bit as eager to do anything at all useful.

The next day, Joey was taken directly to the oncology floor. His personal oncologist was Dr. Chase Delaney, a small but spry man with wavy black hair, cheery black eyes, and gold-brown skin that most people would kill to have. He was almost always wearing a smile, and he talked about his business as if it were the most ordinary business in the world. In spite of the circumstances, Joey found himself liking Dr. Delaney almost from their first few seconds together, and Joey’s mates figured if the man wasn’t a doctor, he would fare quite well in the movie or music industry.

As the rest of Joey’s medical entourage had done, Dr. Delaney never kept anything hidden from Joey, but he didn’t treat him like a little kid, or a hopeless case. When it came to the chemo matter, Joey honestly could not refrain from asking, “Will it hurt?” 

“No,” said Dr. Delaney with an amiable pat on the shoulder. “I have never once known chemo to cause any physical pain in the least degree.”

Joey sighed. At least that was one worry off his mind.

Dr. Delaney continued, “However, you may experience a strange cool feeling as it goes through your veins, because the temperature of the fluid will be lower than that of your blood. There will be other side effects, too, such as fatigue, loss of appetite, vomiting, greater exposure to infection, and hair loss.”

“Hair loss?” Chris repeated, sounding as frightened as if it were about to happen to him.

“It’s the chemo’s duty to destroy or impede the growth of fast-growing cells. Cancer is comprised of fast-growing cells, which is the good news. The bad news is that other rapid cells, such as the ones that make up hair follicles, are affected as well. That’s why so many cancer victims shed their hair—and not just the hair on their heads, either.”

If the idea of puking his guts out didn’t intimidate Joey, the idea of losing every strand of hair certainly did. Most of the time, he didn’t pay too much attention to his hair—not as much as the other guys paid to theirs—but envisioning himself with a completely bald head and body sent snakelike chills down his spine.

As if to try to lighten the subject, Dr. Delaney said, “Side effects can always be treated or reduced if need be. And I promise you, when all this is over and done, your hair will make a complete comeback in no time.”

This was one of those times when Joey was thankful to be a guy; the absence of hair wouldn’t be as conspicuous with him, especially if he wore hats and bandannas. All the same, he still dreaded taking on the semblance of a ripe honeydew melon. He ran his hands gently over his beard and mustache and decided he might as well shave everything off now before the chemo took it later.

“Are you sure this is all really necessary?” JC asked. Despite his efforts to stay calm, there was no mistaking the strain in his voice, nor the blaze in his bright blue eyes.

“When you’re facing a tough enemy,” Dr. Delaney told JC, “you have to be even tougher. Cancer is strong and merciless, so the chemo must be strong and merciless, too.”

“Oh, boy,” Joey said, half to himself.

Dr. Delaney went on to explain how the chemo would be administered, and how much Joey would receive at a time. “We may prescribe one or more drugs, depending on the type and stage of the cancer. You’ll stick around this place a while longer, just until we’ve worked out all the kinks, and we’ll keep an eye out for any setbacks.”

“Do you expect setbacks?” Justin asked.

“There’s always that possibility, of course. It’s different for every patient. Even if nothing happens, it never hurts to play it safe, right?”

“Guess not,” Lance murmured with his eyes focused on the floor.

To Joey, Dr. Delaney said, “After we send you home, you can resume a life like that of everyone else. Between your scheduled visits, make sure you maintain a wholesome diet; we recommend staying away from anything rich, spicy, or high in fat. Drink plenty of fluids, especially water. Do a bit of exercise whenever you can, but also allow yourself plenty of rest. While you don’t have to stay totally isolated from other people, you’ll definitely want to keep a safe distance from those who show signs of a cold or the flu. You’ll also want to be extra careful around sharp objects, because your blood won’t clot very well if you get a cut. And if you ever have a problem, physical or psychological, let us know.”

From this little speech, all Joey could think about was the phrase at the beginning: “You can resume a life like that of everyone else.”

Joey didn’t say it, but in his head, he was virtually shouting, “A normal life? Yeah, as if!”

“I sure hope this does the trick,” Justin said.

“We can never make any guarantees,” said Dr. Delaney, “but we will do our best and hope for the best. A little optimism goes a long way, you know.”

“It’s all just so…overwhelming,” said Chris, his eyes moist, his voice cracking. “I don’t see how we can get through this.”

The oncologist clasped Chris’s shoulder gently. “You’ll get through this the same way everybody else does, sir—one day at a time.”

 

---

 

 

“Joey, are you sure this is a good idea?”

“You heard them, JC. One day or another, this will be all gone anyway. Why wait until that happens? Besides, this is my way of telling the cancer, ‘Screw you. I’m already one step ahead of you.’”

Chris, who stood close behind JC, said in a low voice, “I’ve seen Justin with a shaved head, and that was weird in itself. But you…”

“What Justin does with his hair is his business, and what I do with my hair is my business. Now, kindly step aside, guys. You’re making me claustrophobic.”

Reluctantly, JC and Chris backed away.

Lance, who stood with Justin outside the bathroom door, said with a lopsided smile, “Well, on the plus side, Joe, you’ll never have to bother with a comb or razor after this, and you’ll save a fortune in shampoos, gels and haircuts.”

“Right now, money is the least of my problems,” said Joey as he turned on the electric razor.

He started with his face, and the others watched with baited breath as his characteristic beard slowly disappeared. It wasn’t until he’d shifted the razor to his head that Chris put a hand over his eyes and turned away. JC couldn’t help turning away, too. Justin kept his eyes fixed on Joey the whole time, though he looked like a witness to a torture scene.

When Joey tried to reach the hair at the back of his head, Lance quickly stepped forward, saying, “Here, Joey, let me help you with that.”

So Joey let Lance take over. Within minutes, all of Joey’s hair lay in sad clumps in the sink and on the tiled floor. When Lance shut off the razor, JC slowly looked at Joey again, and Chris dared to peek through his fingers.

Running his hands over his now sleek face and scalp, Joey said, “Eat your heart out, Mr. Clean.”

“You know, it’s not that bad,” Lance noted. “In fact, you don’t look so different from the time you and I did ‘On the Line.’”

None of the other three spoke. Seeing their white, shell-shocked faces in the mirror, Joey said, “Hey, come on, guys, it’s only hair. Like Dr. Delaney said, it’ll grow back. And in the meantime, I could use a new look.”

“I’m just…just not used to seeing you like this,” said Justin in a small voice.

“And it’ll take a while to get used to it,” JC said, his voice also bordering on inaudible. “For me, anyway.”

Chris, still shielding his eyes, edged his way out the door, murmuring, “Excuse me, I—I gotta go.”

No sooner was Chris gone than Justin decided to follow, and Justin more or less made a dash for it. Five seconds later, JC headed briskly after both of them, leaving Joey alone with Lance.

At length, Joey asked, “Well?”

“Well, what?”

“Aren’t you going to join them?”

“Of course not,” said Lance, sounding puzzled and a little hurt. “It’s all right, Joey, really. Like you said, it’s only hair. No big deal.” Even as he said it, Joey could still make out the anxiety in his soft green eyes. “Besides,” Lance went on, making a subtle gesture at the fallen hair, “someone’s got to help you clean this up.”

Before cleaning up, Joey studied his reflection one last time. While he still looked like himself, he could also understand why the other guys freaked out the way they did. Despite his acting like his hair loss wasn’t a big deal, it was. He could only imagine what this was like for other people, especially women.

Still, this would be a small price to pay if he beat the cancer, and doing this himself did give him some sense of satisfaction.

In his mind’s eye, he saw a scoreboard and the tally marked as, JOEY, 1; CANCER, 0.

 

---

 

Thus the course of chemotherapy began.

Chris, JC, and Justin stayed away during Joey’s first session, but Lance stuck around. All Joey had to do was sit quietly while they pumped the stuff into him through a long, narrow tube. As Dr. Delaney had predicted, Joey felt no pain, but it was a truly weird sensation nonetheless; it really did feel like liquid ice inside him, and the side effects were almost immediate. They gave him a large basin and told him to “let ‘er rip” if he ever felt the need. He tried his hardest to resist until he couldn’t hold back anymore.

The sounds of Joey’s retching went to Lance’s heart, and he kept rubbing and patting Joey’s back. Dr. Delaney, who was with them, assured Joey that this was perfectly natural, and even a good sign.

“How can it be a good sign?” Joey barely had the breath to ask.

“It means the cancer’s taking a sound beating as well. Everything that affects you affects it at the same time.”

It pleased Joey to hear this, but it also troubled him, made him wonder how many blows he could endure before this was over.

By the time it was over for that day, Joey felt drained, dizzy, and very miserable. Lance saw no point in asking him whether he was okay. When the other three joined them later, one look at Joey and Lance’s grim countenance told them exactly how it went. “And this is only the beginning,” Joey said with a groan, covering his ashen face with both hands and kneading his lids. “These next few days are going to be hell, guys. Living hell.”

“We’re really sorry, man,” said Justin, wishing he could come up with a better, more original phrase than that.

“No one should have to go through something like this,” said Chris softly, “least of all you.”

“Can’t we do something?” JC asked.

Dropping his hands, Joey said, “Right now, you can go somewhere else and let me have a nap. I’m dog-tired.”

“Are you sure?” asked Lance.

“They said to allow myself loads of rest, so I’ll do what I’m told. This might even help soothe my stomach.”

“Will you be all right by yourself?” Chris asked.

“If I’m asleep, I won’t know if anyone else is around or not. And if I ever do need anything, I’m already covered.” Noting his companions’ haggard forms, Joey added with a half-smile, “Besides, you four deserve a break. Go nab some coffee, or an ice cream cone, or whatever. Just do something, and take your time coming back, too.”

Reluctant as the others were to walk off, no one argued. “I suppose I could use a shot of coffee,” Chris muttered, one hand massaging the back of his neck. “I need a major caffeine boost.”

“And some ice cream sounds pretty good right about now,” Justin added.

Joey nodded and made a shooing motion toward the door. “Off with you.”

One by one, the gang took their leave. Even before they were gone, Joey had already sunk into the warm, soft depths of sleep.

How long Joey slept, he had no way of knowing, but he awoke to a strange sort of tap-tap. The noise came from just outside his door.

“Who’s there?” His voice sounded low and thick, almost foreign to his own ears.

To his genuine surprise, a girl’s voice responded—and not one he had heard before.

“Oh, my gosh! It’s you!”

 

---

 

 

“Huh?” Now Joey was wide-awake. “Who’s there? Who are you?”

He turned his head in time to see a young woman come through the door. She was on crutches, which explained the tap-tap from before. 

She was easily shorter than Chris, and about as wide as a pencil. With a jolt like an electric shock, Joey saw she only had one leg; her right leg ended at the knee in a bandaged stub. But her jade-green eyes held a lively spark, and the smile on her face was sincere and inviting. Aside from her hospital getup, she wore a pale pink roller hat with a purple flower pin in it, and a blue and silver butterfly on a delicate chain dangled from her neck.

“Oh, my gosh!” she cried again when she had stationed herself properly by Joey’s bed. “I don’t believe it! I’ve heard talk about you, but I had no idea you’d be here, of all places!”

Joey furrowed his brow, unsure of whether to be more flattered or more disturbed. “Excuse me?” 

“You’re Joey Fatone, right? From the world-famous pop group, ‘N Sync?”

“Yes,” Joey said slowly after an awkward pause. “And may I ask who you are?” 

“Sorry,” she said, giving herself a light jab in the forehead. “Where are my manners? I’m Sheri. Sheryl Ann Cooper, to be exact, but everybody calls me Sheri.”

“Nice to meet you…Sheri.” 

“Is it all right if I sit with you for a while?” She added quickly, “Not to creep you out; I just feel the desperate need to sit. I can’t stay on these suckers for too long.” She hefted one of the crutches for emphasis.

“Sure,” was all Joey could find to say. 

With some effort, the one-legged girl named Sheri settled into one of the spare chairs. “Ahh, that's much better!”

Again, Joey couldn’t take his eyes away from her stump, and before he could stop himself, he asked, “What happened to you?”

He expected her to get flustered or defensive, to tell him to mind his own business. Instead, she replied without hesitation, preamble, or the least hint of embarrassment, “Amputation. My leg was pretty much done for, so they lopped it off.”

Joey recoiled. “That’s awful! Are you going to be all right?” 

“Depends on your definition of ‘all right.’” Sheri ran her fingers gently over the gauze wrap, and though she was trying not to show it, Joey could tell she must hurt a great deal. His heart twisted for her. “How about you?” she asked at length. “What are you in for?”

“Cancer.” Even after giving utterance to that word several times, it still made a foul taste in Joey’s mouth. 

The girl’s eyes widened and her mouth formed a perfect O. “Oh, my…what kind?”

“Leukemia. Or AML, as they call it.” 

“Oh, wow,” she said softly, her face emanating heartfelt compassion. “I’m so sorry. Will you make it? I mean, are the odds in your favor?”

“From what my doctors tell me, it’s an impasse right now. I stand a pure fifty-fifty chance.” 

Sheri smiled again. “That’s good to hear. At least you’ve got that hope, and I hope it ultimately works out in your favor.”

“Thanks,” said Joey, also smiling in spite of himself. “That makes two of us, six counting the other guys.” 

Sheri’s eyes grew large again for a different reason. “Oooh, the other guys are here, too?”

“Yeah. I sort of kicked them out for the afternoon.” Joey paused, then said, “I take it you’re a huge ‘N Sync fan.” 

“Like, I only have five shrines built to you at my house,” Sheri said, and he cracked up with her. “Naw, I’m kidding. I listen to plenty of other stuff, too, but you guys definitely rank among my top five favorites. Maybe even my top three.”

“How long have you trailed us?”

“Oh, practically since the dawn of time. Late ninety-seven, I would guess; maybe early ninety-eight.”

He gave a low whistle. “Impressive!”

“I may not have an actual shrine,” Sheri said as she adjusted her crutches, “but I do own a copy of all your music, and I also keep an album with your pictures. It’s gotten quite thick over the years.”

“Dare I ask which of us is your favorite?”

She stuck out her lower lip. “Must you make me choose? To be honest, I love and appreciate each of you in your own way, though I always felt you and Lance and Chris deserved more of the limelight. I sure would have liked to hear your voice a lot more often.”

Joey’s heart lifted. Though he was used to being in the background in his band, it was always nice to have someone acknowledge him as an individual.

“You guys were cute enough—not that you still aren’t, of course.” Sheri winked, and Joey felt his face grow unexpectedly warm. “But it was your music that truly stood out to me. Believe it or not, it got me through some pretty rough times.”

“Really?” 

“Oh yeah. I won’t bore you with the details, but let’s just say there was more than one occasion when you were literally all that kept me from falling apart.” 

“Wow,” said Joey softly, now feeling humble. “I…I’m glad to hear that. I’m glad we could help you in some small way. And…I’m sorry for what you had to go through.” He looked to her missing leg one more time and she nodded solemnly.

“I’m sorry for what you’re going through, too. I’ve always dreamed of meeting at least one of you in person, but I never would have imagined it’d be under these circumstances.” She sighed. “Cancer is a mean and devious beast, I can tell you. Nothing I would ever wish upon even the worst people in world history.” 

“How would you know?” Joey didn’t mean it the way it sounded, and he hoped Sheri wouldn’t take offense.

Far from offended, the girl simply reached for her hat and pulled it away, saying, “I know all too well…because I’m a cancer victim, too.”

 

---

 

“You…you have cancer, too?” Joey blinked, hardly able to believe his eyes, least of all his ears.

“Sure do,” said Sheri, brushing her palm over her smooth, shiny scalp. “Had it for some time, actually. I was first diagnosed when I was twelve, and now the monster has reared its ugly head once more. I have osteosarcoma—in other words, bone cancer.”

“Bone cancer?”

She nodded and moved her hand to her right thigh. “That’s how I ended up losing my leg. They’d found this huge tumor inside my knee, and nothing else could stop it from spreading.”

Joey was floored, to say the least. He had initially assumed the amputation was due to some bad break or infection, but hearing that cancer was the true source hit him like a punch in the gut. “I don’t believe it,” he whispered.

A wry smile played on Sheri’s lips. “For the longest time, neither could I,” she said. “I’m no runner, dancer, or gymnast…but you never realize how much a particular limb means to you until it’s gone.”

Joey couldn’t fathom living his life without a leg, even if *NSYNC and dancing didn’t make up such a significant chunk of his life. Despite having leukemia, at least his body would remain intact; all he had to lose were his hair, his vitality, and the occasional contents of his stomach. At an utter loss for words, he could only stare at Sheri, caught somewhere between breathtaking admiration and heart-wrenching pity.

At length, Sheri went on, “It was no small price to pay, I can tell you. But at least I’m alive for the time being…and from my viewpoint, that’s the most important thing.”

“What do you mean, ‘for the time being’?” Joey asked, feeling the knot in his stomach tighten.

The girl regarded him with one of the most serious, most profound expressions he ever recalled seeing on anyone. In a soft but meaningful tone, she told him, “When they first informed me about my cancer and how serious it was, they said I’d be lucky to see my sixteenth birthday. Two weeks ago, I turned twenty-six. Even now, the jury’s still out about my future, but having made it this far is beyond anything I could have hoped for. If there’s anything I’ve learned from all this, it’s that every day is a gift, and I should make the most of every day that comes my way.”

A lump lodged in Joey’s throat. Hearing such wisdom from someone so young and tender moved him to no small degree, and it made him a little ashamed of himself. He thought of his group mates and how they used to rush all over the place, scarcely aware of one day until the next day came along. Did it always require something of this magnitude to wake them up, to make them stop and think of how precious life truly was?

When he found his voice again, all he could say was, “You’re a trooper, Sheri. A real trooper.”

Sheri’s sweet smile returned to her face, easing the tension in the room. “You know, my friends used to call me Super Trooper Cooper. One of them went the extra mile with Super Duper Trooper Cooper.” She giggled. “Try saying that ten times fast!”

He laughed, too. “Super Trooper—kind of like that ABBA song?”

To his astonishment, she sang on the spot:

“Super trouper lights are gonna find me
Shining like the sun,
Smiling, having fun,
Feeling like a number one.”

Impressed at the girl’s ability, he joined her on the second half:

“Super trouper beams are gonna blind me,
But I won't feel blue
Like I always do,
'Cause somewhere in the crowd, there's you.”

They went through the entire song, with Sheri singing one verse, Joey crooning another, and the two of them harmonizing quite nicely on the chorus. When they reached the end, Joey declared, “Not a bad duet, if I do say so myself.”

“Coming from you,” said Sheri as she donned her cap again, “that means a lot. All the time I underwent treatment, that song sort of became my personal anthem. I listened to it so many times they threatened to chuck the CD out the window, and I could pretty much sing the whole thing in my sleep. Music’s incredible therapy, isn’t it?”

“You can say that again,” Joey said. Gazing at his hands, he added softly, “I guess that’s why the other guys and I love to do it. Not only is it fun for us and our listeners, but there’s some personal satisfaction, some private joy to be found inside it. Somehow, everything just feels right with the world; sure, we’ve still got our problems…but for the moment, they don’t matter so much.”

One of Sheri’s hands reached toward him, and almost without realizing what he was doing, he clasped it gently. Her hand was small and bony, but also warm and soft, as if she used some special lotion on it. When their gazes met again, Joey found himself seeing more than a devoted fan with cancer. It was funny, really; despite having just met her, she had made him feel better than anyone else had this week, or the week before.

“Well,” Sheri said after a while, “I suppose I should get going, now. You probably need your rest, and I need to get back to my room anyway before they send a search party after me.”

“Do you need help?” Joey asked as he watched her gather up her crutches.

“No, no. I’m good, thank you.” It took some time and a bit of strain, but she successfully hoisted herself back up. Before hobbling to the door, she said, “It was awesome to visit with you, Joey, even if the situation was less than ideal. I’ll make sure to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.”

“Thanks for taking the time to visit me,” Joey said, and meant it.

“When you see the other guys, tell them I said hello.”

“Will do.”

“And don’t worry, I won’t tell another soul about your whereabouts. You get well soon, you hear?”

“Yes, ma’am,” said Joey with a salute, which brought another peal of laughter out of her.

Barely five minutes after Sheri went out, Joey’s gang came in. Each of them held a take-out coffee cup, and Justin and Lance were just finishing off their favorite candy bars. Lance had an extra bar with him, which he handed to Joey. “Brought you a little present." 

“Thanks, man,” said Joey, feeling good enough to immediately peel off the wrapper and take a bite.

“Who were you talking to, Joey?” JC asked after a swig of coffee.

“We thought we saw someone come out your door,” said Chris.

“You did,” Joey said through a mouthful of chocolate and nougat.

“Who was it?” Justin asked.

“Her name’s Sheri. She’s a patient here, too, and she happens to be one of our old fans. She says hi to all of you.”

“You don’t say?” said Lance, cocking his brows in great interest. “A fan at this very hospital?”

“Yep. Small world, huh?”

“Oh, great,” said Chris, clapping a hand to his forehead. “Even in this place, there’s no escape from the fans.”

“Relax, Chris. She only popped in for a little visit, and she took a vow to secrecy when she left.”

“I hope she didn’t bother you too much,” said JC; a warning note underlay his tone.

Feeling a strange need to defend Sheri, Joey insisted, “It’s okay, JC. She was no bother at all, really. In fact, she turned out to be very nice.”

“You know, you do look better than you did this morning,” Lance noted. “And somehow, I doubt it’s because of the chocolate.”

Joey nodded. “I feel better than I did this morning—and no, it’s not just due to the chocolate.”

 

---

 

Joey ended up staying at the hospital much longer than he, his mates, or his doctors had anticipated. Even after two solid weeks, the doctors were still fine-tuning the chemo drugs, and there were indeed some setbacks, which only added on to Joey’s time. First, Joey developed a terrible rash that took several days to clear up, and later he caught an infection—not so serious, but serious enough to keep his doctors on their toes and to make him thoroughly miserable. He would have gladly paid every cent of his life’s earnings just to get out.

While he had already trimmed his hair and beard, it still unnerved him when he shed every other piece of hair on his body; this included his arms, his legs, even his eyebrows and eyelashes. Before anyone knew it, he could have passed off for a wax mannequin.

Despite the doctors’ orders to eat well, food had lost its appeal almost from the start. Bad sores in Joey’s mouth prevented him from eating much anyway, and anything he did manage to choke down only came back up later. He didn’t bother to keep track of how many times he threw up, and he no longer tried to fight it, at least not so much. It reached the point where JC said, when the whole group was present, “You know, Joey, you really should try to eat more. You’re looking skinnier every time we see you.”

“No kidding,” said Justin. “You’re almost like a refugee from a concentration camp.”

“Don’t I know it,” Joey said. “I already lost five pounds this week, and another seven the week before that. That makes for a total of twelve pounds in two weeks alone.”

All four guys recoiled. “Yikes!” said Lance in a low whisper.

“Can’t keep anything down, can you?” Chris remarked grimly.

Joey shook his head, his face and tone every bit as grim. “I wouldn’t have believed it possible to puke so much.”

No one knew what to say, or what to do. Words of sympathy had grown stale, and there was virtually nothing any of them could do aside from standing by and watching Joey’s battle take its toll.

For that matter, Joey noticed some of his mates were spending less time around him. Lance was as steadfast as ever, and Justin showed his face at least every other day. But Chris and JC were slowly starting to ease out of the picture; even when they did pay a visit, they took their leave earlier than the others, and they especially kept their distance when Joey was put through chemo or anything else. Each time Joey saw them up close, he could feel their tension like a tangible object. JC would flex his fingers, as if wanting to choke someone, and Chris would fidget and avoid direct eye contact. Half the time, these two wouldn’t even speak to Joey unless he spoke first.

Despite the group’s efforts to keep a low profile, word somehow got out that *NSYNC’s Joey Fatone wasn’t faring well at all. As a result, the guys found themselves snowed under with phone calls, money offers, requests for interviews, and sympathetic cards and gifts from fans. There was even an article in the paper, and at least a thousand well-wishes posted on the Internet. Joey’s mates explained these things to him during their visits, and Joey’s feelings about the business as a whole were in a jumble. On one hand, it was humiliating and infuriating to have something so private made so widely known; on the other hand, it was moving to know so many people were thinking about him and supporting him.

He almost had to laugh at the flying speculations about what might be wrong with him; few rightly assumed he was dealing with cancer, and even then, almost no one considered leukemia. “The things that go through people’s minds,” he once commented with a roll of his eyes, after hearing about a rumor that he was suffering from salmonella poisoning due to eating too much sushi.

“Tell me about it,” said Lance. “Everyone who knows you knows you wouldn’t touch sushi if it was the last edible thing in the world.”

“If I ever get my hands on the boneheads who blabbered,” JC said, kneading his knuckles, “I’ll make sure to land them in the hospital.”

“Hey,” said Justin with a shrug and a wry smile, “that’s how it is with people like us, Jace. You know that.”

Lance added, “If we don’t tell people things, people have ways of finding things out on their own.”

“I’m just glad there aren’t any cameras about,” said Chris, glancing around the room as if expecting a camera to pop up somewhere.

JC said, “And if there ever was one, I would personally dismantle the thing before it took the first shot.”

“Right,” said Joey as he settled a little further into his pillow. “As if having cancer and taking on the form of a freak wasn’t enough. With the photographic evidence, I’d be history.”

“You are not a freak,” Lance quickly interjected.

“Sorry to burst your bubble, Lance, but yes I am.”

Now JC and Chris were fully tuned in, too. “How can you say such a thing?” JC demanded.

“Why not? It’s true. I look positively repulsive.”

“Don’t talk that way, man,” said Lance, sternness and hurt mingling in his voice. “Don’t you dare think it.”

“You’re not that repulsive,” said Chris. Then, realizing his slip, he flushed a notable shade of red. “I—I mean—I didn’t—I was only—”

Joey made a short, humorless chuckle. “A real model in the works, am I? Or a bona fide Prince Charming, set to sweep his Cinderella off her feet?”

Lance shot a murderous glare at Chris and JC cuffed the older man a good one on the spot. Chris cringed and gingerly rubbed his shoulder afterward, but only mumbled, “Guess I deserved that.”

Joey shook his head and buried his face in his hands. “How can any of you look at me?” he groaned. “How can anyone stand to get near me?”

“Oh, Joey,” Lance’s solicitous voice sounded in his ear. A pair of sturdy arms began to enfold him, but Joey twisted away.

“Don’t bother. I’m just feeling sorry for myself. No need to waste your time on me.” His own voice broke; almost before he realized it, he was crying like an oversized baby.

Since his first day in this place, he hadn’t once shed a tear, but now—like water that had found a breach in a dam—the tears came in a steady flow. He tried to pull himself together, but found he couldn’t. When he felt Lance’s arms again, he made no resistance this time, but he kept his head down and his hands in place. He felt the others’ hands on him, too, trying to convey through their touches what they could not through words. 

Much as he hated himself for it, try as he might, he could not get the waterworks to shut off. He hadn’t realized how much had been bottled up in him all this time until the cork was gone.

Lance maintained a gentle but firm hold the whole time Joey cried. When Joey’s ragged breathing steadied and his body went slack, Lance continued to sit quietly with him and embrace him as any brother would. 

Presently, Joey’s ears caught a distinct tap-tap, followed by a few startled cries and JC’s sharp voice demanding, “What are you doing here?”

It wasn’t until a familiar voice answered that Joey took his hands away and looked up at last.

 

---

 

Sure enough, Sheri stood at Joey’s door. She had a little plastic bag with her, and she appeared every bit as surprised to see the guys as they were to see her, if not more. She more or less huddled against the doorframe, her eyes set to pop loose, her whole face and neck a brilliant pink tint.

“Sheri?” Joey couldn’t hide his own astonishment, for he had never expected the girl to come around again, least of all today. At the same time, he couldn’t hide—at least entirely—how glad he was to see her.

“Hi, Joey,” she said, looking and sounding nothing short of mortified.

“What are you doing here?” JC asked the girl again, none too kindly. “What business do you have snooping around this place?”

“I’m sorry,” said Sheri in a small voice. “I…I just came to see Joey. I didn’t realize all of you were here.”

“You’ve got a lot of nerve—” JC began, but Joey cut him off.

“Ease off, JC. She’s done nothing wrong.” Then he nodded gently to his friend. “It’s all right, Sheri. Come in.”

Slowly, shakily, she made her way into the room. Joey could see the same butterfly charm on her neck, though her head now sported a bright fuchsia bandanna with a white paisley design. While JC continued to glare at her, the others gaped at her absent leg. Chris went ghostly pale and Justin rubbed his eyes, as if to make sure they were not fooling him. As Sheri ambled closer, Chris and Justin both backed away from her, a little too hastily. Lance stayed put, though his posture was cardboard-stiff.

Only Joey smiled at her and addressed her in a friendly tone. “Hello, Sheri. Didn’t expect to see you again.”

“Oh, yeah,” JC muttered darkly. “We really weren’t expecting someone like you to drop in.”

“I’m very sorry,” Sheri said with her eyes on the floor. “I don’t mean to…”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Joey insisted. “Don’t worry about it.” Hoping to lighten the mood, he asked, “What’s in the bag?”

“It’s for you.” She held it out to him cautiously. “Just a little something I put together myself, in hopes of cheering you up. I understand you’ve been going through a rough time." 

“For me?” Surprised and touched at the gesture, Joey didn’t hesitate to accept the bag and peer into it. Inside was a black wool hat; when he lifted it out, he saw a big red J on one side in the fashion of Superman’s insignia. As his fingers traced the design, he asked in an awed whisper, “You actually made this yourself?”

“Yes. I love to knit and crochet, and I figured you could use something like this.”

Now Lance softened, and he said sincerely, “That was sweet of you, Sheri. Very sweet.”

Joey tried the cap on. It was a soft, snug, and perfect fit. Beyond that, the pure, simple fact that the girl would take the time and effort to make something like this for him, especially considering her own situation, truly moved him to pieces. Unable to help the new mist in his eyes, he whispered, “Oh, wow, Sheri…thank you. Thank you so much!”

Lance nodded and added, “You did a nice job, too; I can tell.”

The pink in her face deepened, but all she said was, “You’re welcome. It’s the least I can do.”

JC, on the other hand, wasn’t so moved. “I suppose you think this excuses you from infringing on other people’s privacy,” he told Sheri brusquely. “Thought you could just barge right in on Joey at any old time, did you?”

“JC!”

“No, it’s okay,” said Sheri as she turned to the door once more. “I wasn’t planning on staying long, anyway. Glad you like your present, Joey. Please excuse me.” She took care to avoid everyone’s gazes as she hobbled out of there as fast as she could.

When she was gone, Joey now lay into JC. “Geez, JC, you didn’t need to go that far. I can’t believe how rude you were to her!”

JC shot back, “And I can’t believe that girl would have the gall to mosey in and out of other people’s rooms like it was nobody’s business! She’s lucky we didn’t call security on her. From now on, we’ll need to keep an eye out for her.”

Caught somewhere between anger and bafflement, Joey exclaimed, “For crying out loud, man, she’s not some crazy stalker, or anything!”

“You have no way of knowing that,” JC countered sharply.

“She just came to drop off a simple present. Is that so wrong?”

“That’s not the point! In case you’ve forgotten, this is a hospital, not a social establishment. Everyone here is as entitled to their privacy as everyone else—and that girl had no right to butt in the way she did.”

“Well, if she has to go away, then you go away, too.”

“What?”

“I mean it. Get out.” Joey pointed to the door. “All of you, out. Now.”

Chris and Justin needed no further persuasion. Chris went away first, with Justin close at his heels. JC started to open his mouth furiously, but at a touch and a reproving look from Lance, he sighed, shook his head in obvious disgust, and strode out the door without another word. Before Lance headed out, he glanced at Joey one last time and offered a brief shrug; whether it was a sign of confusion or apology, Joey could not tell.

When Joey was alone, he made a resolution on the spot to find Sheri himself and talk to her. Regardless of what JC or any of the others assumed about her, Joey knew she had been perfectly nice to consider him this way, and he could not forget that look on the poor girl’s face as she was leaving.

 

---

 

Somehow, Joey convinced a nurse to tell him the location of Sheryl Cooper’s room. He had to be taken there in a wheelchair, since he couldn’t walk or stand, but he was willing to forego his pride for the time being. Once they reached their destination, the nurse left Joey with the reminder to keep the visit short and simple.

Inside the room, which wasn’t much different from his own, Joey found Sheri lying on her bed with her face turned to the wall. Giving her a light tap on the shoulder, he called her name softly. Gentle as he was, she gave quite a start before turning to him. Even then, she was understandably taken aback at the sight of him. “Surprise,” Joey told her with a smile. “Looks like I’m now the one to drop in on you, for a change.”

“Joey!” Sheri blinked several times. She started to reach toward him, then withdrew her hand before she could touch him. “What—what are you doing here?”

“For the same reasons you came to see me. I wanted to see you, make sure you were okay.” Joey paused. “And I also wanted to apologize for what happened today…you know, with the other guys, especially JC.”

The hot pink of Sheri’s face rivaled that of her bandanna. Slowly, she pulled herself a little more upright, grunting at the effort and discomfort. When she spoke, she said softly, “Their reactions were logical enough. I know I shouldn’t have surprised you the way I did.”

“You did take us by surprise,” Joey had to admit, “especially me. Still, JC didn’t have to go so over the top. You did an awesome job at keeping it together, but I could tell how embarrassed you were when you went out. I’m sorry, Sheri.”

“I’m sorry, too.” She shook her head and sighed. “And you’re right. That’s about the most humiliating moment of my entire life. You see five of your idols in the same room, five people whom you’re about as likely to meet in the flesh as you are to win the lottery, and when they do see you…” She trailed off and didn’t finish, but Joey got the message.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m glad you came, and I love your hat.”

“I can see that,” she said, a little smile gracing her lips as she regarded the woolen cap, still pulled snugly over Joey’s head.

He smiled again and adjusted the rim a bit. “It’s wonderful, and knowing you made it with your own hands makes it even more special. You really made my day, Sheri.” He saw the girl’s eyes brighten, and the sight warmed his heart.

“Well,” she said at length, “I’m glad to hear that. I’m glad I could make you happy, for once.” After another minute, she went on, “You know, I thought it might be my imagination, but I would have sworn you’d been crying earlier.”

Bowing his head, Joey said quietly, “It wasn’t your imagination. I did have a bit of a breakdown today.”

“Ohh.”

Joey’s face was all but burning, and not just from fever, but he kept talking. “I don’t know what happened. I guess everything that’s been going on these last few weeks just…caught up with me. It was like I’d been holding too much inside and I couldn’t hold it in any longer.”

“I know what that’s like.”

His gaze tangled with hers. “You do, don’t you?”

Toying absently with her butterfly pendant, she said, “I’d lost it so many times, I can’t even begin to count them. Sometimes I screamed and threw anything I could get my hands on; other times, I curled up in my mother’s arms like a little girl with a boo-boo. Even to this day, I allow myself a good cry on occasion.”

Joey couldn’t say he blamed her. Lifting a hand to the back of his neck, he confessed, “Now that I think about it, I’m pretty ashamed of the way I acted.”

She looked at him curiously. “Why?”

“Because my case is nothing like yours.” He looked to her legs, which lay hidden beneath the sheets. “I feel like an idiot for making such a big deal out of this when I’ve never had to deal with what you have.”

“So?”

Startled at her comeback, he stared into her eyes once more and asked, “So, what? What right do I have to complain and carry on the way I do? If anyone’s been hurting around here, it’s you.”

“And you hurt, too,” Sheri countered. “Regardless of our situations, you still have your share of pain. What’s happening to you also sucks big-time, and there’s no shame in letting it show. In fact, I dare anyone to tell me they can make it through something like this unscathed. I would love to see them try.”

“And yet you still take other people into consideration.” Joey placed his hand gently over hers. “I don’t care what JC or any of the guys say or think. From what I’ve seen of you, you’ve got a heart of solid gold, Sheri.”

She blushed for the second time in less than a half-hour. “Actually, Joey,” she said when she found her voice, “could I make a small confession?”

“Of what?”

“The real reason I came to see you today wasn’t because of my present. I got lonely and wanted to try to catch you again, if only for a few minutes.”

Surprised at this disclosure, he asked her, “Don’t you get any visitors?”

“Aside from my mom, my sister, and you, not really.”

“What about your friends?”

She shook her head. “I haven’t seen or spoken to most of them for some time. They live too far away and have too many other things going on in their lives, anyhow.”

“And your dad?” Joey hadn’t meant to let that last question slip, and he gave himself a mental kick in the rear.

Sheri didn’t hesitate to answer, though her voice was quiet and laced with tangible pain. “My dad became history when I was nine. Where he is today, what he’s up to, or whether he’s even aware of my existence, is anybody’s guess.”

“Wow,” Joey whispered while a white-hot rod ran through his heart and his stomach iced over. “I…I’m sorry.”

“Besides,” Sheri continued, lowering her gaze and gathering part of the top sheet into her fist, “I won’t be here for much longer, anyway, and I’d hoped to see you at least one more time before I go.”

“Go? As in, you’re going home?”

“Yes, I’m going home…and I’m going there to stay.”

 

---

 

The next day, Lance came to the clinic by himself. Rather than enter Joey’s room straightaway, he stuck his arm through the crack in the door and waved around a scrap of white paper in lieu of a flag. “Permission to enter safely?” he called.

Unable to repress a small smile at the gesture, Joey answered, “Sure, Lance. Come on in.”

Even after the door was wide open, Lance came forward very slowly and warily, as if approaching a time bomb. When he reached Joey, who sat at the window for a change, the first thing he said was, “Still wearing that hat, I see, eh?”

“Yes, I am,” said Joey, managing to keep his cool. “Is there a problem with that?”

Lance shook his head hastily. “No. No, of course not. It looks great on you.” He waited another minute or two before going on. “So, that was the Sheri who’d dropped in on you before?”

“Yes.”

“Well, she came off as a major sweetheart. I can attest to that much.” Lance fidgeted a little, a pink glow coming out in his cheeks. “And…erm…I’m sorry I wasn’t more receptive of her yesterday.”

Taken a little aback at the apology, Joey told him, “You weren’t so bad. Not like JC or the others.”

With his gaze on his shoes, Lance said in a low, halting tone, “Still, I have to confess…her appearance truly shocked and sickened me at the first. Something like that was the last thing I would have ever expected to see in my life.”

If Joey hadn’t also been so appalled the first time he’d set eyes on Sheri, Lance’s confession would have stewed his blood.

“Dare I ask what happened to her?”

Joey said quietly, “From what she told me, it was due to her cancer. They had to cut off her leg to save her from a monster tumor.”

Now the pink in Lance’s face receded in patches, giving him the impression of poorly mixed strawberry ice cream. “Are you serious?”

“As serious as she was.”

For a long moment, Lance was speechless, though his mouth opened and closed a number of times. The sight reminded Joey of a fish run aground; he would have made a crack about that, were the current situation not so serious. When Lance found his voice again, all he could give utterance to was, “I…I didn’t know.”

“Now you do,” Joey told him without malice.

“Oh, Joey, that’s…that’s…that’s horrible!” Lance sank into one of the nearest chairs, as if his legs could no longer hold him. A trembling hand lifted to his forehead. “The poor girl…will she be all right?”

“I take it so. She told me yesterday that she’ll soon be heading for home, so I suppose that’s a good omen.” Even as Joey said it, some part of him was not convinced. Even now, he could still see Sheri’s puzzling expression, hear her odd tone when she spoke of “going home to stay.” It was only through respect and restraint that he hadn’t probed any further.

Now both of Lance’s hands slid entirely over his face, and his body sagged in the chair. “Aw, geez,” he groaned into his palms, “now I feel really guilty. I feel like I could just bag my head.”

Taking pity on his mate, Joey reached out a hand and gave Lance’s shoulder a light pat. “If it will alleviate your guilt, she told me to tell you guys that she holds nothing against any of you.”

With his face still hidden, Lance shook his head from side to side and lamented, “Why is it we always act so imbecilic around someone, and only become aware of it afterwards?”

Joey kept his hand on Lance’s shoulder, but said nothing.

For the next little while, none of the two spoke.

When Lance at last withdrew his hands and opened his eyes, Joey asked him, “Where are the others?”

“Still at headquarters,” Lance replied. “We weren’t sure how you felt about seeing all four of us, so I came as a sort of representative. The guys told me to let them know whether it was safe to come around here again; if so, they might drop by sometime today or tomorrow.”

Though Joey still seethed from the previous day’s episode, he just said, “Anyone’s free to come and go as they like.” In another minute, curiosity got the better of him and he asked, “How did it go with JC after you left?”

A lopsided smile played on Lance’s lips. “He was pretty mad, I can tell you, especially about you throwing us out. He could hardly speak as we were leaving, and the rest of us kept our distance because he looked ready to punch out the first person who came near him.” He paused, then added, “To tell you the truth, I think you knocked him for a major loop, too.”

“Oh, really?”

“You know how most of the time, he’s the one to dish out orders. But the way you stood up to him…” Lance shook his head, his handsome visage giving off hints of admiration and amusement. “I never saw anything like it. For once, he got a taste of his own medicine—and you did it in five minutes flat.”

Joey grinned, feeling a great thrill of self-satisfaction. “What about Chris and Justin?”

Now Lance sobered. “I think the sight of Sheri dealt them both a nasty shock,” he said. “Chris wouldn’t look at anyone and shut himself up in the bathroom as soon as we got back, and Justin barely spoke two words throughout the day.”

“I guess I can’t totally fault you guys for that,” Joey said with a sigh. “Even so…”

Lance nodded meekly. “I know. We could have been nicer to her, and we should have.” After another lengthy pause, he said, “You know, Joey, you’re lucky to have found a friend like Sheri in this place.”

Joey felt the blood rush to his face, and he found himself fumbling with words. “Well, I don’t know if you’d call it that. I mean, we only talked to each other three times, and she’ll be shipping out any day, so the odds of our paths crossing again—”

Lance smiled. “You like her, don’t you?”

Joey held back for a time before admitting, “Well…yeah, I guess so. Kind of.” He added quickly, “In a purely platonic way, mind you.”

“Sure, I understand. Nothing wrong with that, either.” Reaching into his jacket for his cell, Lance asked, “So, may I give the guys the official go-ahead, now?”

“Yeah, sure. Tell JC if he’s willing to call a truce, then so am I.”

Inwardly, Joey wondered why the others would bother showing their faces around here again. After all, even before Sheri came along, it was no secret that none of them were keen on hanging about this joint. In fact, Joey had a hunch they would never come at all if they didn’t feel some sort of obligation.

They were his friends, better than brothers…but after this cancer business, Joey hardly knew them. Even when they were right in front of him, there might as well have been a wall of solid brick between them.

 

---

 

About a week and a half later, Joey’s doctors at last pronounced him fit to go home—or, rather, the condo he shared with the other guys. While he still had a long way to go, of course, at least he was getting out.

He would finally be free to leave with his mates, to set foot out of doors, to sleep in his own bed.

Ecstatic as Joey was about this news, he was also apprehensive, knowing that once he returned to the real world, he would be on his own. He would have to watch himself as closely as he’d ever had in his life. Due to the dramatic decrease in his physical condition, he couldn’t yet do all the things he used to do, and anything could happen that could land him in the emergency room in a heartbeat.

As Dr. Coleman said they would, they installed a central venous catheter—dubbed “CVC” for short—before Joey left. The small, curious device began just under Joey’s collarbone, ended a few inches above his right nipple, and the middle part went under his skin, right through the veins in his chest. In this way, in the words of Dr. Delaney, the catheter would remain more in place; plus, bacteria wouldn’t pass easily through the tube and into Joey’s bloodstream. As necessary and convenient as it was, Joey hated the catheter from the start. The only good he could say about the thing was that it could easily hide under his clothes.

As for clothes, it felt weird and wonderful to switch from the flimsy hospital garments to the more in-vogue stuff, though his shirt felt two sizes too large and he had to cinch his belt far tighter than usual. Even fully dressed, he still appeared pitifully thin and pale, and the other guys could tell from a distance. “It’s almost like your clothes are outgrowing you,” Justin once said in a lame attempt at humor.

“Definitely not something I’d recommend as a weight-loss routine,” Joey said, which brought out a few weak chuckles.

Although Joey could walk some, he had to lean on Lance’s shoulder as they made their way through the main doors, into the fresh air. He made Lance stop for a minute while he closed his eyes, lifted his face toward the sun, and drew in the deepest breath his lungs could manage.

“Bet that feels good, doesn’t it?” Lance remarked.

“Oh, man, you better believe it,” said Joey as he opened his eyes again. “I never considered myself the outdoorsy type, but as of right now, I could very well spend the entire day out here.”

In that moment, he thought of Sheri and wondered how she reacted to those first few seconds of pure freedom. He wondered where the girl was now, what she was up to, if she was all right. As sorry as he felt for her, he was glad and grateful for the chance to have met her, if only for a little while, and he sent up a brief prayer on the spot that she would continue to do well; she deserved no less.

“Are you two foot-draggers coming or what?” JC’s voice called from the parking lot, cutting into Joey’s reverie.

“Keep your shirt on, Jace,” Lance called back. “We’ll be right there.”

“We haven’t got forever, you know. Hurry up!”

Rolling his eyes, Lance said, “Come on, Joe. Let’s hit the road.”

“Lead the way, Sir Lancelot.”

When they reached the car, Chris and Justin had already piled into the back. Lance joined them, and Joey settled next to JC at the front. During the drive, Joey cranked up the radio as loud as they could stand it and he and Lance belted it out with the music; even Chris and Justin joined in on a few songs. Only JC remained tight-lipped the whole time, his hands kept resolutely on the wheel, his eyes fixed on the road aside from occasional sidelong glances.

At the condo, Justin helped Lance guide Joey in and out of the elevator and down the hall; they moved very slowly, step by step, while JC and Chris lingered behind. It took them at least fifteen minutes to reach their door, but no one said anything. When they finally stood at their door, Chris dug out the keys without a word and made an “after you” gesture when the door was open.

“Welcome home, stranger,” said Lance as he and Justin led Joey over the threshold.

Joey smiled. “Home,” he repeated softly. “I never thought that could sound so good.”

After Joey made himself good and comfortable on the living room sofa, Lance insisted they do something to celebrate. “Nothing outrageous,” he said, “but maybe a movie and a special dinner, right here?”

“Suits me fine,” said Chris.

“I’m cool with that,” said Justin.

JC merely nodded.

“What do you think, Joe?” Lance asked. “Do you feel good enough to eat something?”

“Yes, I do,” said Joey, surprised and thrilled at how genuinely hungry he felt.

“What would you like?”

“I don’t know. A big bowl of hot soup sounds nice.”

Lance suggested, “How about I whip us up a batch of some hearty, home-based soup? Old family recipe,” he added with a wink. “My mother claims it will fix anything. It’s got chicken, noodles, carrots, onions, sweet peppers, and all kinds of great stuff.”

Already Joey’s mouth was watering, and he nodded eagerly. “I could go for some of that. And maybe some crackers on the side, with peanut butter, and something else that contains chocolate—lots and lots of chocolate. For some reason, I have this crazy need for the sweet brown stuff.”

“You got it,” Lance said, and headed straight for the kitchen.

In a minute, Justin and JC decided to lend Lance a hand or two, which left Joey alone with Chris.

At first, Chris just stayed where he was, clutching his elbows and shifting his weight from leg to leg. His face gave off too many emotions for Joey to sort through, but his voice was mellow when he said, “I’m glad you’re back, Joey. I’m…glad.”

“Me too.” Joey ran his hand gently over the sleek cushion he sat on. “I can hardly believe I’m actually here. A part of me expects to wake up in my other bed in my old getup. I can still hear and smell the hospital, and it’ll take a while to get used to not having those sounds, smells, and sights around me.”

“Are you okay?”

Unsure of what Chris meant by that, Joey said, “For the time being, yeah.” He paused, then sent the question back. “Are you okay?”

Chris nodded, though his face spoke otherwise. “Do you want me to help you pick out a movie for tonight?”

“Actually, Chris, there’s something else I want first, if you wouldn’t mind.”

“What’s that?”

Joey opened his arms. “How about a hug?”

He expected Chris to turn away, to make some lame excuse.

But Chris, despite his bulging eyes, white face, and rock-rigid posture, just said, “O-okay.”

Slowly, the older man edged closer to the couch and took a seat. Joey wrapped his arms around Chris first, and Chris, as if convinced that it was all right to do this, sank into the embrace and his arms enfolded Joey in the same way. His forehead dropped against Joey’s shoulder. This close, Joey could smell his companion’s familiar and soothing scents, and he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.

Though Chris never spoke, hardly made any kind of sound, his entire frame trembled like a leaf in a strong wind. He didn’t seem willing to let Joey go in a hurry—not that Joey was in any rush. It wasn’t until Lance brought in a tray laden with Ritz crackers, soft chocolate cookies, a carton of chocolate milk, and a new jar of creamy peanut butter that Chris broke away and excused himself; this time, Joey really could make out diamond trails on Chris’s cheeks before the older man shielded his face and turned away.

 

---

 

The rest of the evening was fairly smooth sailing.

Joey didn’t expect to see Chris at dinner, but Chris was there, quite calm if not entirely normal; his eyes were very red and he didn’t say much. When Lance doled out his soup, which everyone agreed was top-notch, Joey consumed three big bowls in a row. Joey had almost forgotten what it was like to be that hungry, and Lance made no effort to hide his pleasure at seeing Joey eat that much in one sitting.

During Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Joey watched from the couch with Lance on his left and Justin on his right. Chris and JC camped out on private chairs; while JC leaned straight back with one leg crossed over the other, Chris reclined with both legs dangling over the armrest and his hands folded behind his head. “Will you ever learn to sit in these things properly?” JC asked at one point, but Chris declined to answer.

Lance passed around a giant bowl of fresh popcorn, and Joey accepted a few handfuls. Joey noticed the popcorn tasted a little funny; maybe it was one of those side effects of the chemo, or else Lance hadn’t put in as much butter and salt as usual.

Long before the ending credits rolled, Joey was out cold with his head on Lance’s shoulder. Not wishing to wake him, Lance simply eased him down on the couch, tucking an extra cushion beneath his head, and Justin covered him with a spare blanket.

In the morning, Joey woke with quite a start, the more so when he realized he wasn’t at the hospital anymore. But he got over it soon enough and he still had enough appetite to join the group for breakfast. Lance was cooking eggs and bacon, and Joey insisted on a full plate like everybody else.

“I was starting to think your amorous affair with food had all but fizzled out,” Lance said as he watched Joey slather a generous amount of boysenberry jam onto a slab of toast.

“Might as well enjoy it while I have the stomach for it,” Joey said before sinking his teeth into a crisp ribbon of bacon.

These words proved almost prophetic.

In the days that followed, Joey’s relationship with food was a massive rollercoaster. Sometimes he could hardly swallow two bites; other times, he ate like he had gone without for months. Some days, the food tasted all right, and then there were days when what Joey ate wasn’t anything like what the others ate despite sharing the same dish.

On the plus side, Joey didn’t get as nauseous as he had in the hospital; he only threw up twice in the first week after his release. Whenever his stomach was restless, he kept his body nourished with some high-quality vitamins and protein powders that Lance tracked down at the store.

There were a few good things Joey could almost always keep down, such as chocolate. So they maintained a hefty stock of candy and other chocolate-themed treats. “Wouldn’t it be fabulous if they could replace medicine with chocolate?” Joey remarked one time while he sat at the breakfast bar and helped himself to a heaping bowl of Rocky Road ice cream in a pool of Hershey’s syrup.

“Yeah,” said Justin, who stood close by with a glass of plain white milk. “Then every doctor in the world would be out of a job.”

“And you’d never want to stop with your chemo,” added Chris as he tossed an apple into the air with one hand and caught it neatly in the other.

As for the chemo, Joey still dreaded taking that stuff. If it wasn’t unnerving his stomach, it wiped him out so much he sometimes spent the entire day in bed or on the sofa. As Chris had pointed out, JC was the prominent sleeper, but now Joey was taking more naps than the whole group put together. Much as Joey hated being so tired all the time, at least sleeping was a decent way to pass the time and it often helped to calm his stomach. On good days, he attempted a bit of exercise, but always kept it good and light.

At last, the day came when Joey was allowed a break from chemo. It was only for two weeks, but even one day’s reprieve would have thrilled him. That afternoon, he felt good enough to take a walk. Only Lance hung around, as JC was at a meeting and Chris and Justin had gone to “knock some golf balls around.”

“Mind if I tag along?” Lance asked as he watched Joey lace up his sneakers. “Dinner won’t be ready for another four hours, and they say a watched meal never cooks.”

“Sure, why not?” Joey smiled. “It’s a beautiful day.”

“Where’d you like to go?”

“No particular destination in mind. Just around.”

So the two men set out together, taking their sweet time as they walked, savoring the sun’s warmth and the refreshing breeze.

Some people would have found it odd that Joey wore such a thick black cap for this kind of weather, but Joey had rarely taken that cap off since Sheri gave it to him. On occasion, he’d donned a red or black bandanna, but he stuck with Sheri’s hat ninety percent of the time. It covered his bald head nicely, it felt so good against his skin, and there was the sentimental value behind it, of course. Though none of his mates said a word about it, he knew they weren’t too happy about him wearing that thing so much, especially JC. He didn’t care, either.

As he had so many times since leaving the hospital, Joey wondered where Sheri was and what she was doing. Despite the slimness of the odds of seeing her again, there was still that thread of hope. He had never quite forgotten the way she’d looked and sounded that last time and he hoped she was okay.

His thoughts must have evoked some kind of magic, because as he and Lance were passing through a quiet neighborhood, about seven or eight blocks from their complex, he caught sight of someone lounging on the front porch of a small, modest house on the other side of the street.

He stopped short, and Lance stopped with him.

“What is it, Joe?” Lance asked. “Are you okay?”

Joey stared long and hard, positive that his eyes must be fooling him.

He made a few good blinks, then brushed his hand across his eyes and looked again.

There was no mistake.

 

---

 

“Joey, what in the world are you—” Following the direction of Joey’s stare, Lance’s words died on his lips.

“It can’t be.” Joey’s voice was barely a whisper.

And yet it was.

He would know that person anywhere.

He would have sworn his heart skipped a beat, maybe three. Had his eyes been any bigger, they would have stretched past the moon.

“Well, what do you know?” Lance remarked at length. “One big coinky-dink after another.” He paused, then added thoughtfully, “Or maybe not.”

“I don’t believe it,” Joey murmured, unable to shift his eyes to either side. “I’ve wondered about her so much—and all this time, we’ve been practically neighbors!”

“Since she’s right there, would you like to go say hi?”

Even if Joey had said no, his legs were already carrying him across the street. Lance had to jog a little to keep up.

On her front porch, Sheri relaxed in an old-fashioned swing with a plaid blanket over her lap and a little white book in her hands. As usual, she sported her unique butterfly pendant, and her headwear this time consisted of a handmade baby-blue cap with white trimming. She didn’t even realize Joey and Lance were coming until Joey called to her. She gave quite a start, and her astonishment only skyrocketed when she looked up.

For a moment, the girl appeared to have been struck dumb.

Then, as Joey bounded up the steps, her shock dissolved faster than water on a hot skillet, and she readily opened her arms when he bent down. Scrawny as she was, her arms clung to his neck with surprising strength. He squeezed her just as hard, if not harder; you would have thought they were old friends meeting after a decade.

“Joey!”

“Oh, Sheri! It’s so good to see you!”

“How did you—where did you—”

“I just can’t believe I found you, here of all places—”

“I never thought—”

“This is too awesome—”

This bewildered and ecstatic prattle lasted at least five minutes; even after Joey and Sheri got some hold of themselves, they held each other for a good while longer before loosening their grips. Sheri laughed and cried by turns, and Joey grinned so broadly he thought his face would break.

When Sheri found her voice again, the first rational words she could get out were, “What are you doing here, Joey?”

“The guys and I inhabit a condo not far from here,” he answered. “Lance and I were out walking, just minding our own business, and—well, how were we supposed to know this part of the neighborhood was yours?”

Shaking her head in mingled disbelief and wonder, the girl muttered, “This has got to be either divine intervention, or sheer dumb luck.”

“Either one works for me!”

“Hello, Sheri,” said Lance, his face and tone much warmer than from his previous encounter with her.

“Hi, Lance!”

He stooped to hug her as well, though unlike Joey, he didn’t crush her half to death. She, in turn, grabbed his neck with the same fervor that she showed Joey. The sight warmed Joey’s heart, and he only wished JC, Justin, and Chris got over their qualms as quickly as that.

Lance was just straightening his posture when the screen door opened and an older woman stepped quickly onto the patio. “Sheri?” she called in an anxious tone. “Is everything okay, sweetheart?”

“It’s fine, Mom,” Sheri said.

The mother eyed Joey and Lance warily. “Can I help you boys?” she asked after an awkward minute.

“Excuse us, ma’am,” said Lance with his soft Southern charm. “We don’t mean to intrude.”

“We just came to pay Sheri a little visit,” said Joey. “She’s a friend of ours. Kind of.”

Sheri explained, “This is Lance and Joey, Mom, from ‘N Sync.”

The woman’s eyes widened. “The ‘N Sync?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Lance said with a smile.

“Joey was at the hospital the last time I was there,” Sheri said, and Joey felt oddly grateful when she didn’t mention his cancer.

“Oh. I…I see.”

Surveying the woman, Joey noted she wasn’t much taller than Sheri, certainly no taller than Chris, and she looked like she could use a little more weight, too. Her face looked tired but pretty, with only a few lines at the corners of her mouth and intelligent brown eyes, and two or three grayish threads in her brown, chin-length hair. Her clothes were casual, but with noticeable touches of flair.

Remembering his manners, Joey held out his hand to her. She hesitated at first; then, as if realizing the sincerity of the gesture, took that hand and shook it amiably. “Nice to meet you, Joey,” she said.

Lance offered his hand as well and she did likewise to him.

At length, Sheri asked, “Would it be all right if we invited them inside the house for a bit, Mom? I kind of need to go in myself anyway.”

“Do you feel all right, honey?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. As well as can be expected, anyway.” With a sniff, she added, “And I can tell you’ve made cookies. Carrot cake cookies, I presume?”

Her mother nodded. “Just out of the oven.”

“Carrot cake cookies?” said Joey incredulously. “Whatever happened to the good old-fashioned chocolate chip or peanut butter?”

Sheri laughed. “Trust me, they taste much better than they sound.”

“I’ll have to taste it to believe it,” Joey said, adding hastily to her mother, “if that’s all right.”

Sheri’s mother glanced around, as if expecting to see someone other than Lance and Joey lurking about the area. When she was convinced it was just them, she said at last, “I don’t see why not. Come on in and make yourselves at home, boys.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Cooper,” said Lance.

Now a genuine smile brightened the woman’s face, and she said graciously, “You may call me Ann.”

 

---

 

Joey liked Sheri’s house the moment he set foot in it. While nothing fancy, the place felt very cozy and homelike. Ann, as it turned out, even with meager earnings, had good taste and a keen eye for detail. In the small but immaculate dining room, Ann presented her guests with a platter of the carrot cake cookies, which Joey found very tasty after all—especially since they contained bits of chocolate, and two cookies at a time were pasted together with gooey white frosting. Ann also gave them some glass cups and a carton of fresh milk and told them to help themselves.

It was an odd experience, eating cookies and drinking milk like little kids just come home from school, but Joey couldn’t get over how good it felt, too.

“Mmm…I gotta get my paws on the recipe for these,” Lance commented between bites.

“What do you think of my mother’s cookies now, Joey?” Sheri asked.

“Turns out you’re right, Sheri. I eat my words with them.”

“Better watch it, though,” Lance said. “Don’t want to spoil our dinner later.”

Joey smirked. “Gee, it’s like we’ve all reverted to kindergarten.”

“Those were the days,” said Sheri with honest nostalgia.

Though the girl smiled and made light talk, Joey couldn’t help noticing something sad in her eyes. For that matter, he had the strangest hunch that some type of gloom lay beneath the pleasure in this room.

He didn’t know why, but there was no denying the impression.

It wasn’t until later, when the last cookie had been consumed, the last bit of milk had been drained, and Lance had disappeared into the kitchen with Ann, that Joey mustered the nerve to ask, “Something wrong, Sheri?”

“Hmm?”

“You look like you’ve got something heavy on your mind. What is it?”

He expected her to insist it was nothing, but instead she answered with a question of her own. “Do you really want to know?”

He hesitated, then said slowly, “If you care to tell me. Now that I think of it, you were just like this the last time we spoke in the hospital. I would have asked you then, but didn’t want you to think I was getting too personal with you. I know we don’t know each other very well, but I’ll be glad to hear you out and help in any way possible.”

“You’re going to wish you hadn’t eaten so many cookies,” Sheri said, her face and tone serious enough to let Joey know she wasn’t joking this time. She added in an almost inaudible whisper, “And I doubt there’s anything you could do to help.”

Now Joey felt genuine worry twist his insides. Much as he dreaded the answer, he persisted, “Well, what’s up?”

Sheri stared at him for a long time without speaking. Her face gave off so many tangible emotions; he almost wanted to cry on the spot. When she spoke at last, she said, “Look, Joey, I’m going to be straight with you, okay? There’s no point in lying, sugarcoating, or keeping this a secret anyway.”

Joey waited, his heart thudding painfully against his ribcage, his throat dry in spite of how much milk he’d drunk.

Sheri closed her eyes, drew in a long breath, and made known her terrible secret.

“Joey…I’m dying.”

 

---

 

“What did you say?” Joey knew he’d heard perfectly well the first time, yet he refused to believe his ears.

“My days are numbered, Joey. My cancer and I have been at war for years…and now that war is coming to an end.” Sheri didn’t blink or turn her head to either side. Her voice remained calm, her face unreservedly sober.

“You’re kidding.”

“I wish I was.”

Joey felt the blood drain from his face like water from a faucet. He didn’t want to ask, but the question found its way out of his mouth anyhow. “Does…does this have anything to do with that tumor of yours? The one that cost you your leg?”

“Yes.”

“But…but I thought they already got rid of it. I thought it was over after the…amputation.”

“That’s what we thought, too. But then we learned that, even before they cut it out, it had already metastasized.”

“What’s that in English?”

“It means other tumors have spread. And some of those tumors have settled in, as they put it, ‘inoperable places.’ Meaning they can’t just get rid of them. Not without getting rid of me first.”

Despite the warmth of the little room, Joey felt as cold as if someone had locked him in a freezer. For a full minute, he literally couldn’t move, and he felt sicker to his stomach than he’d ever had, even with his worst chemo session.

Now he did wish he hadn’t eaten quite so many cookies after all.

It was another minute before he found his tongue again. Even then, his words were low and halting. “Aren’t you afraid?”

Tracing an obscure design on the table with her fingertip, Sheri said quietly, “I can’t say I’m entirely surprised. After all, this isn’t the first time I’ve received the death sentence.”

Joey remembered her telling him how she hadn’t expected—or been expected—to live to sixteen. “But they could be wrong this time, too,” he protested. “You know how people are misdiagnosed all the time. Just because the doctors say something will happen doesn’t always mean it will.”

The girl shook her head. “Much as I hate to burst your bubble, Joey, I have to admit I believe them. I’ve been through just about every test under the sun, and what’s awaiting me is pretty much guaranteed.”

“But you can still beat the odds, like you did last time. You can’t abandon hope now, Sheri.” Joey couldn’t help the crack in his voice at that last part.

Sheri sighed and lifted her hand to her face, lightly pinching the bridge of her nose. At length, she murmured, “I don’t mean to sound like I’m abandoning hope. But I’m not trying to kid myself, either.” When she withdrew her hand and faced Joey directly again, she went on, “For some time, I had this feeling there was something wrong with me besides my leg. I couldn’t be sure, but when they told me I wasn’t long for this world…well, it felt more like a simple confirmation than anything else. That’s also why I didn’t flip out so much as I might have otherwise.”

Very slowly, in little more than a whisper, Joey asked, “So…what now? When do you go back to the hospital?”

“Never.”

“Never?” He blinked in new surprise.

“When I told you I was going home to stay, I meant it. No more hospitals for me from now on.”

“Why not?”

She shrugged her thin shoulders and turned her palms upward. “What would be the point? The doctors have already made it clear there’s nothing else they can do. Not in my case.”

“But they can help you not hurt. They can help you live at least a little longer—”

She cut him off gently but bluntly. “And what difference would that make?”

Unable to think of a good enough answer, Joey only sighed and looked away.

Sheri continued, “Sure, the hospital’s still a legitimate option. But I wouldn’t want to be there anyway, not if I have any say-so. I don’t want to die surrounded by a bunch of cold machines and the stink of medicine. And I certainly don’t want my family taking shifts with me night and day.” She shook her head again and lowered her voice further. “No…that’s not for me.”

Joey lifted his head a bit. “Then what will you do, Sheri?”

“Do you know what hospice is?”

“I’ve heard of it, but I don’t know much about it.”

“To boil it down, it’s an authorized program that makes it possible for you to die in the comfort of your home.”

“What?” If Joey was stunned before, he was now truly knocked for a loop. 

“These people not only help you and your loved ones come to terms with what’s happening, but they provide special care just for you, in your own house, so you never have to set foot in the hospital.”

Joey grimaced. “That doesn’t sound at all appealing to me.”

“Maybe not,” Sheri conceded, “but it does to me. In this way, I can at least be in my own bed, in a familiar environment, and I won’t be alone.”

“And you won’t take any more treatment?”

“Nothing more than what I need to not hurt.” A wry smile played on the girl’s lips. “Pain and I have never been strangers to each other, but we’ve never been the best of friends, either.”

It cost almost every fiber of Joey’s being to give utterance to his next question, the one he was wondering about and dreading the most. “How long did they say you have?”

“Maybe three months. Four if I’m lucky.”

Lucky. The word rebounded through Joey’s brain like a cruel playground mantra. He felt his heart sink to the very soles of his sneakers.

Every wall in the house seemed to close in on him. He felt like a swimmer who had been underwater for too long and the surface was too far away. He teeter-tottered between the desperate urges to cry, to scream, to hit something, to throw up. Somehow, he managed to keep his composure as he stood up and bid Sheri a distracted goodbye and told her to thank her mother for the cookies.

She made no effort to stop him. 

His legs carried him out of the dining room, down the main hall, through the front door, and down the street on virtual autopilot. He had almost reached the second block by the time he heard other feet pounding the pavement and Lance’s voice hollering after him. He stopped and waited for Lance to catch up, but he never looked at Lance or spoke to him, not until Lance spoke first.

“Joey—what just happened, man? Why did you leave without telling me?” Looking more closely at Joey’s face, Lance furrowed his brow and took a tentative step closer. “Hey, you all right? What’s wrong?”

With his gaze fixed to the sidewalk, Joey mumbled, “Nothing. It’s nothing.”

“Just nothing? You look terrible, dude. Something’s got to be up. Did you have a run-in with Sheri, or what?”

“N-no. No, of course not. Sheri has nothing to do with this.” Terrified that he would break down on the spot, Joey resumed his walk and Lance was hard-pressed to stay close. When Lance appealed to him again, he only said, “Let’s go home, Lance. Please, I—I just want to get home.”

 

---

 

By the time Joey and Lance made it back to the condo, Chris and Justin were already there. Justin was holding his wallet and wearing an unpleasant scowl, whereas Chris was holding out his gloved hand with a deeply smug grin.

“The bet’s fair and square, J,” Chris was saying as he rubbed his fingertips together. “You agreed to it, so pay up.”

“How was I supposed to know you’d sink that last shot?” Justin grumbled as he fished out several bills. “Had I known in advance, I wouldn’t have placed my bet so high.” He slapped the bills into Chris’s waiting palm with a little more force than necessary.

As Chris pocketed his winnings, he said, “Hey, quit pouting. I might use my spoils to treat you to something special.”

“Hey, guys,” Lance said right then.

Both heads turned at once in his direction.

“Hey, Lance, Joey,” said Justin, quickly slipping his wallet into his back pocket.

“We were wondering where you’d disappeared to,” Chris said. He held up his key and dangled it between two fingers. “Good thing I had my spare key with me.”

“Sorry about that,” said Lance. “We went out for a bit ourselves and lost track of time.” Glancing at his watch, he added, “And speaking of time, looks like we got here just in time for dinner.”

Chris took an eager whiff. “Mmm—whatever’s cooking, Lance, it smells awesome!”

Justin nodded and added, “I’m hungry, too.”

Lance smiled back. “Well, that’s good! Because this is a new recipe I found online, and it’s supposed to be so good you can almost get arrested just for eating it.”

Noting Joey’s unusual silence, Chris and Justin shifted their attention to him, and their smiles disappeared at the sight. Slowly, Justin lifted the brim of his cabbie cap while Chris took off his sunglasses.

Joey never looked at his mates, never said a word, never made a sound of any kind. His shoulders sagged, his hands lingered in his pockets, and his head hung to his chest as if his neck were broken; as if those weren’t telltale signs, his face was a thorough study in grief.

“Joey?” said Justin bewilderedly.

“Joey, are you all right?” Chris asked. “What’s wrong?”

Joey walked past them as if they were invisible. It was all he could do to put one foot in front of the other. They watched him leave the room, and though they called after him several times, he just slogged into his bedroom and shut the door. After that, both guys looked to Lance once more and Justin asked, “What’s his problem?”

Lance merely shrugged, his face showing he was every bit as baffled as they were, if not more.

 

---

For the rest of the day, Joey lay on his bed, staring listlessly at the wall. He refused to join the guys for dinner and he gave no acknowledgment when they spoke to him through his door. No one attempted to open that door, notwithstanding Joey hadn’t bothered to lock it. Even after JC came back, Joey stayed put. He did move on occasion, but only to adjust his position on the bed.

He just couldn’t stop thinking about Sheri, couldn’t stop hearing her tragic report, couldn’t stop hurting so much it felt like a bunch of razor-like teeth chewing his insides at a mile a minute.

He didn’t know why the girl’s misfortunes should affect him this way—especially considering how briefly he had known her in the first place—but they did. Maybe it was because, right now, she identified with him so much better than his own band. Maybe it was because she was still so young, so sweet, so…effervescent.

She had been through so much already, and fate, for whatever reason, had decided to deal her yet another devastating blow.

It’s not fair, Joey thought bitterly, and some little voice retorted, But whoever said life was meant to be fair?

It certainly wasn’t fair when he had developed cancer himself and lost his good looks, his good health, and his megastar status.

Maybe life was never meant to be fair for anybody.

Around nine o’ clock that night, the door opened and JC strode into the room, followed by the others. Chris, who came after JC, flipped on the ceiling light. 

Joey managed to sit up and face his mates properly this time. Before he could get a word in edgewise, however, JC said forthrightly, “Okay, Joey. Spill it.”

“Huh?”

“We know something’s up with you,” Chris said, leaning against the wall by Joey’s headboard with his arms folded. “I mean, really up.”

“You’re like a kid whose puppy just got ran over,” Justin added as he joined Chris’s side.

“And don’t even think about telling us you’re fine and that it’s nothing,” said JC when Joey opened his mouth, “because that baloney’s not going to work. Not this time.”

“Come on, man,” said Lance, in a quieter and mellower tone, as he joined Joey on the soft spread. “Talk to us. We could always talk to each other.”

Joey heaved a tremendous sigh, but he knew his mates’ persistence. Besides, like Sheri, he saw no point in hiding it, sidestepping it, or sprinkling any sugar. So he straightened himself a bit more and answered, “If you really must know, it’s about Sheri.”

“Sheri?” everyone but Lance repeated in tones of utmost disbelief.

“That girl from the hospital?” asked Justin, knitting his brows.

“With the one leg?” Chris added with some trepidation.

Joey nodded gravely. “None other.” 

“You mean you actually saw that girl again today, face to face?” JC demanded, his own face rivaling a fresh pomegranate.

“Yes, I did.” Knowing what JC was thinking, Joey added tersely, “And before you open that can of worms, I’ll have you know I came across her first.”

“It’s true,” Lance piped up. “I was there. Joey and I went for a walk while the rest of you were out, and we sort of stumbled into Sheri’s neighborhood.”

JC didn’t appear convinced, at least entirely. Still, his voice sounded slightly more moderate when he inquired, “So, what about her, then?”

“She’s terminal, guys.”

“What?” Now all four men were unanimous.

“What are you saying, Joey?” Lance exclaimed, drawing back somewhat. 

“For real?” gasped Chris, his whole body ramrod-straight.

“Are you serious?” cried Justin.

“How do you know that?” JC queried.

Joey waited until everyone had quieted down, at least to an extent, before he elaborated. “She told me her cancer’s gained the upper hand. She only has a short time to live now, and this time there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Nothing.”

“Oh, no,” Lance said, almost inaudibly. He put his hand to his forehead.

“I don’t believe it,” said Chris in a similar tone.

“Are you serious, man?” Justin asked again.

“Do I look unserious to you?”

For a long, intense moment, everyone was rendered speechless. Even in the full light, their faces rivaled the white of chalk and their eyes looked ready to pop from their skulls, which came as a bit of a surprise to Joey. After all, with the major exception of Lance, it wasn’t as though any of them had gone out of his way to befriend the girl.

At length, Chris blurted, “So, that’s it, then? She’s just going to die?”

Had Joey not been wallowing neck-deep in depression, had he not heard that awful word from Sheri’s own lips, he would have slapped Chris’s mouth then and there. Instead, he replied dismally, “From what she tells me, she’ll be lucky to see the end of summer.”

Now a fine film of moisture glinted in Lance’s green eyes. “Oh, Joey, I’m so sorry!” He reached out for Joey and clasped him tightly in his arms; Joey never resisted him.

Justin dropped his gaze to the floor and bit down hard on his lower lip.

Chris closed his eyes and put one hand over them; he shook his head several times before slowly dragging that hand down the rest of his face, flattening his nose and pulling on his thick goatee.

Even JC, for once in his life, appeared at an utter loss.

When Lance let Joey go and Joey’s posture was more vertical, JC shifted his weight awkwardly from foot to foot, mumbling, “Well…erm…gee…that’s too bad, Joe.”

“That’s very bad,” Justin said with a forlorn shake of his head.

Joey glared at them both. “Is that all you have to say?”

All eyes regarded him curiously. “What do you want us to say?” Chris asked.

Joey shook his head in disgust and averted his face from everyone, placing both hands over his top. “Never mind, guys. Just forget it. Forget it.”

He felt a light hand on his shoulder, heard JC’s voice inform him, “Look, Joey, we know you’re upset—”

“Upset?” Joey rounded on him, face burning, eyes glittering. “What gives you the idea that I’m only upset?”

JC almost jumped out of his skin (as did the others), but he pressed on, “I mean, you can’t let a bit of bad news ruin your life—”

“Bad news?” Joey more or less spat the words in JC’s face. “Is that what you call it?”

“That’s not what I—”

“Getting fired from your job is bad news, JC. Getting an overdue bill is bad news. Getting told that you have cancer is bad news. This girl, who has been dealt so much crap already, is told to her face that she won’t make it to the end of this year. As far as I’m concerned, she got more than just ‘bad news.’”

After this outburst, it took JC a few seconds to recover himself. When he spoke again, he held up both hands and said, “All right, okay, I get it! But seriously, man, it’s not like you can really do anything about it, can you? You even said so yourself. You’ve still got your problems to handle and your life to live.”

“Thanks a lot,” said Joey with icy sarcasm. “Just what I needed to hear at a time like this.”

Chris began to reach for Joey’s shoulder, too, telling him softly, “Hey, come on, Joe, don’t take it that way—”

Joey shrugged the older man off. “How do you expect me to take it, Chris?” To the rest of the group, he demanded, “How am I supposed to feel right now, guys? Huh? You tell me.”

An uncanny hush followed. Everyone stayed where they were, like wax figures. Chris opened his mouth once, but then closed it without saying anything. Then JC started to speak, but changed his mind, too.

Again Joey turned aside, murmuring, “Just leave me alone. I don’t want to see anybody right now.”

In another minute, Lance got up from the bed and whispered, “Let’s go, guys.”

Joey didn’t see it, but all four of his mates regarded him one last time, their faces a clutter of inexplicable emotions, before they trailed one another out the door. This time Lance flipped the switch, though Joey already felt lost in the dark before the light went out.

 

---

 

For three wearisome days, Joey moped around the place. During that time, his mates seldom spoke to him and even more seldom made straight eye contact. Joey wanted to be angry with them all, but felt he lacked the energy for that. For that matter, it felt like someone had pulled a plug on his emotions, leaving him cold and empty.

He did join the guys for at least two meals each day, but he might as well have dined with total strangers. Lance was easily the friendliest of the bunch and the only one to utilize more than six words at a time. The rest of the guys behaved civilly enough, including JC, but Joey could still make out the barrier between them. Joey ate what he could, mostly for Lance’s sake, especially when Lance covered the cooking. Even so, he always came to the table last and disappeared before anyone else’s plate was half-clean.

He slept poorly at night, and in the morning, he’d wake up wondering at first about the dull ache in his chest, and then everything would rush back to him and the weight would pile on his heart until he could barely breathe.

When he didn’t sleep or eat, he tried to drown out reality in music, listening to every song he could think of and even churning out some notes of his own.

On the fourth day, Joey knew what he had to do. He didn’t see what good would come of it, but he couldn’t go on like this anymore. So, without bothering to tell the others where he was going (or that he was leaving to begin with), he snapped up his keys, boarded the elevator, hopped into his car and drove as quickly as he dared to Sheri’s block.

No one else hung about the area this time, but he knew her house when he saw it. Even after cutting the engine, he stayed put for another minute or so. He bowed his forehead against the steering wheel and whispered, “Lord, give me strength.”

He drew a slow breath and just as slowly let it out again. Then, before his courage could fail him, he opened the door, crossed the rock-tiled path leading to the house, mounted the front steps and rang the bell. He waited, hands behind his back, feet fidgeting, heart set to burst from his chest. When the door opened, Sheri’s mom greeted him.

She looked taken aback at first, then a bit reproachful, although her voice sounded composed when she said, “Hello, Joey.”

“Is Sheri available?” Joey asked meekly, keeping his hands at his back.

“For the moment, yes.”

“May I come in and talk to her? Please?”

Ann still eyed him cagily, but she stepped aside and held the door for him. He crossed the threshold before she could change her mind.

“Thank you,” he murmured.

“She’s in the living room. Just down the hall and to the right.”

“Again, thank you. I promise I won’t be long.” He felt slightly relieved when Ann never mentioned his rude departure the other day, though his face still flushed red-hot.

In the living room, he saw Sheri camped out on an old but comfy-looking brown couch, enfolded in the same plaid blanket. Even now, he couldn’t get over how small she was, how vulnerable…how pretty. He almost bolted, but he made himself walk forward and speak up.

“Sheri?”

Her gaze met his. “Joey?” Her voice was as soft as his, but genuinely stunned.

“Yeah, it’s me again.” He offered a cautious smile. “Three’s a charm, eh?”

Keeping the blanket snugly around her, she sat a little more upright and asked, “What do you want?” The question was natural enough, but Joey felt it as he would a hammer between the eyes. He dipped his head again and ran his right hand slowly along his left shoulder.

“I…uh…I just wanted to see you. To tell you that…I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

He settled beside her on the thick cushions. “For my behavior the other day. After you told me you were—you were—”

“Dying?”

He recoiled, but never budged an inch. “How can you say that horrible word so casually, Sheri? How can you even stomach it?”

“Why keep it secret?” she countered. “Nothing changes the fact that it’s happening. Why fight it?”

With his forehead in his hands, Joey took several deep breaths and tried to pull himself together. When he faced the girl more properly, he whispered, “I’m sorry, Sheri. Really, I am. I-I don’t mean to—”

She replied mildly, “That’s all right. I can’t say I blame you one bit.”

“I shouldn’t have ditched you like that.”

“Your reaction was realistic enough.”

“I still feel like a jerk for doing it.”

Sheri’s thin lips curled in a wan smile. “Believe me, Joey, you acted so much better than I had before, and would have in a different situation. And you should have seen my sister’s reaction in the doctor’s office; I swear, I thought there was going to be blood on the floor.”

Joey couldn’t start to grasp how he would feel, what he would do, if he had received the death sentence. He kept seeing himself in Sheri’s place and that terrified him more than anything else. He had a chance for recovery, but it was still just that—a chance. Guilt also tangled with his fear, knowing that Sheri didn’t have a chance at all, not anymore.

It was as if someone had flipped a coin between the two of them and she was the loser.

Raising his head a little higher, he asked tentatively, “Do you forgive me?”

Sheri’s famous heart-melting smile now graced her whole face and lit her eyes like green gems. She never hesitated to take his hand as she told him, “Of course, I do. Even though there’s nothing to forgive you for.”

Joey sighed, feeling the load in his chest lighten somewhat. “Thank you, Sheri. You’re so much nicer to me than I deserve.”

“If anything,” she said, “I should apologize to you. I shouldn’t have dropped such a bombshell on you.”

He shook his head vigorously. “No, no. You were right. Like you said, no point in shutting up the facts or trying to add sugar to them.” He tightened his grip on her hand, again overwhelmed at her tininess and fragility. “I’m just sorry that this had to happen to you, of all people.”

The girl slid a bit closer, whispering, “I won’t lie; I’m sorry this is happening, too. I’d never expected to live long, though there was always that hope. I used to look at old people and think, ‘Anytime, now.’ Now I look at them and think, ‘I hope you understand just how lucky you truly are.’”

“Funny,” Joey said with a humorless chuckle, “I used to have the same attitude. If I live to be an old man myself, it’ll be a miracle.”

“But you still stand that chance of growing old.”

“Yeah…even so, it’s a pretty big maybe. My doctors tell me I’m doing great, but I don’t feel like I’ve made much progress, if any.” Before Joey could stop himself, he said, “And the guys haven’t made this any easier for me, either.”

Sheri regarded him with gentle sympathy. “Not so in sync right now, huh? If you’ll pardon me saying.”

“No, we’re not.” Joey hid his eyes in his free palm and gave a morose sigh. “I’ve known these guys and worked with them for ages…but these days, I just can’t figure them out.” Lowering his hand to his chin, he continued, “Lance is okay; at least he shows some understanding. Justin’s somewhere in the middle; he sticks to his own business and acknowledges me on occasion—special emphasis on ‘occasion.’”

“I see,” Sheri murmured.

“Chris and JC are easily the worst. They get so moody around me. Half the time, they don’t even say anything unless I say something first. They never stay in one place with me for too long. Chris rarely looks my way and he keeps his distance like he’s afraid to get too close to me. And JC’s become so much more snappish than I’ve ever seen him; just standing next to him is like standing in a closet full of dynamite with a lit match.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

Joey shook his head. He felt tempted to add how the guys viewed her, particularly JC, but then quashed it. “I don’t understand it, Sheri. Don’t these guys realize what I’m going through? Don’t they know how much I need their support, how much I need them? Either they don’t know or they don’t care.”

After a minute’s pause, Sheri said quietly, “Well, I can’t speak for the other guys, but I’m sure your cancer is just as hard on them as it is on you. Maybe even harder.”

“What makes you so sure?” Joey asked.

“Because this is almost exactly what I went through with my sister and friends. Especially at the very beginning.”

“You did?”

“Mm-hmm. The day before my first diagnosis, I had this huge fight with Tami—”

Joey couldn’t help interrupting. “Who’s Tami?”

“That’s my sister’s name. I’m the oldest of us by three years.”

“Oh.”

“As I was saying, we got into a terrible argument. I can’t remember the reason, but boy, were we both in for a guilt ride the next day when we learned I had cancer. For the longest time, I believed I was being punished for that fight. Tami blamed herself, too, and stayed as far away from me as she could manage. Sometimes I doubted I’d see her at all if Mom didn’t force her.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Even after we made amends, Tami still kept her distance. The same thing happened with my friends. Some of them stood by me when they heard the news, and some of them dropped me like a hot potato.”

“That was stupid of them,” muttered Joey. “The ones who dumped you, I mean.”

“Sure was. Their desertion got me down big-time. It didn’t help that my father was never around, either.”

“Forgive my prying,” Joey broke in again, “but why did he leave?”

Sheri sighed. “It’s a long story. Let’s just say he and Mom didn’t hit it off like they used to and he felt the need to find his own life. One day, he simply hit the road and I’ve never seen him since.”

“Didn’t he ever learn about your cancer?”

“If he ever did, I have no way of knowing.”

“That’s horrible,” said Joey, flooded past the brim with pity and shame. “Geez…your problems make mine sound like nothing.”

“Sorry,” said Sheri hastily, “I didn’t mean to get carried away about me.”

“And I didn’t mean to detract from your situation, either.”

“I was only trying to assure you that I can understand what you’re going through and empathize.”

“It’s funny,” Joey said again. “We’ve only known each other for a bit, and yet I feel I can relate to you better than all the guys.”

“I guess I should take that as a major compliment. But I’m also sorry it had to come to this in the first place.”

They sat quietly together for at least a minute more, watching the sun pouring through the window in front of them and listening to the ticking of the antique clock on the wall behind them.

Then Joey said, “Well, Sheri, besides apologizing, I also came here to promise you something.”

“What’s that?”

“That if there’s anything I can do for you, anything to help make your…the rest of your life a little more bearable, you make sure to tell me. If there’s someplace you’ve always wanted to go, something you’ve always wanted to do, I will do my best to make it happen.”

She gaped at him. “You’d do that for me?”

“Sure, I would,” he said and meant it from the bottom of his heart. “I’ll spare no expense, either.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“You know you don’t have to.”

“I do. But I want to.” He smiled genuinely for the first time since their talk began. “I consider you my friend and I promise to be there for you in every way possible.”

Sheri smiled back, though that smile did nothing to prevent an outbreak of tears.

He opened his arms to her. “Come here.” 

She didn’t need telling twice. She all but flung herself against him; she would have knocked him flat had it not been for the couch.

She never spoke again, only cried and held him as she would a lifeline. 

He held her every bit as tightly, if not tighter, and silently joined her.

 

---

 

Joey kept his promise to Ann and took his leave shortly after that. This time, however, he made sure to give Sheri a more proper farewell, and he left her with his contact information and a sincere promise to visit her again when he could.

As he returned to his car, he brought along a small, somewhat dog-eared piece of paper that Sheri had given him. Before turning on the ignition, he sat there for a few minutes and studied the words on that paper, which, according to Sheri, had been penned about two years ago:

MY BUCKET LIST

1. Read the Bible from beginning to end

2. Feed a giraffe

3. Pet a tiger (fully grown)

4. Get my nails designed (even if they’re just painted different colors)

5. Get a decent seat at an Elton John concert

6. Sing in a public place

7. Reconnect with some of my old friends (if no more than two or three)

8. See the ocean (NOT on TV or in a picture!!!)

9. Watch a sunrise on the beach (again, a REAL sunrise)

10. Hang out with at least one member of *NSYNC (and, if that happens and he agrees, hear a song just for me)

“I don’t expect to do all these things,” Sheri had told him shyly when he first skimmed it. “Just completing half the list would be good enough for me. I’m already in the process of completing the Bible, and it would be wonderful if I could at least see the ocean and meet a giraffe. I’ve always wanted to see the big blue up close and get a giraffe to eat out of my hand.”

As Joey perused the girl’s wishes, he thought with a smile, I think we just might be able to pull these all off.

There was a zoo roughly eight miles from here, and the ocean was about fifteen miles farther. Plus, Joey remembered an article about Sir Elton John scheduled to do a one-off show at the edge of this town within the next month or so; if Joey acted promptly, he might yet secure good seats for the event, maybe even front-row.

Easy does it, man, he told himself as he turned the key and raised the volume on the radio. One pursuit at a time!

Despite what lay ahead, Joey couldn’t stop seeing the sheer glow in Sheri’s face when he’d vowed to stand by her to the end, and he couldn’t wait to get started on making her few dreams into realities.

I owe it to her.

Coincidentally enough, Elton John’s voice was the first to float from the radio. Joey found himself singing along as he drove home, and the lyrics seemed weirdly appropriate for his situation:

“And you can tell everybody

This is your song;
It may be quite simple
But now that it's done,
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is
While you're in the world.”

 

---

 

“Where have you been?” Chris asked when Joey sauntered into the living room.

“Out for a drive,” Joey answered, tossing his keys and catching them with the same hand.

Chris and Justin were watching a game show from opposite ends of the sofa, while JC sat cross-legged in his own chair with his nose in the newspaper.

Lance, who had just emerged from the kitchen with a hand towel, said, “Would you mind giving us a little more heads-up next time, please, Joe? We were beginning to worry about you.”

“Don’t sweat it, Lance. I was good and careful. I didn’t even go that far.”

With an unpleasant frown, JC lowered his paper and said, “Don’t tell me you went to see her again.”

Joey replied coldly, “What do you care if I did?”

JC’s ice-blue eyes turned icier. Now he folded his paper in half and threw it on the floor. “Oh, I care, all right, buddy. A great deal more than you’d be inclined to think.”

Realizing where this was going, Justin straightened his posture and Chris groped for the remote and clicked off the TV.

“It’s a free country, JC,” said Joey, taking a few steps closer but maintaining a respectable distance. “I can see whoever I want, whenever I want, as many times as I want. Besides, Sheri’s harmless enough.”

JC’s jaw tightened at that last part. “So you did see her again.”

“Yes, I did. And I plan to see her again, and again. Every day if possible.”

A frown creased Chris’s face as well. “Don’t you think you’re being a little nosy, Joey?” he asked, none too kindly.

“Nosy how? She was perfectly happy to see me. And I got her mother’s okay, too. It’s not like I use high-tech binoculars on her, or watch her from her bedroom window, or any of that stuff.”

“Are you sure you want to hang around this girl every day, Joey?” Lance asked skeptically.

“She doesn’t have that many days left, Lance. As long as she’s here, I’m going to spend as much time with her as I can and make the most of it, too.”

“We don’t want you getting all depressed,” said Justin, who had kept quiet until now.

“Hark who’s talking,” Joey couldn’t help sneering. “What do you guys know about being depressed, anyway? Try getting leukemia, losing every piece of hair you have, puking up your toenails every five minutes, taking on a zombielike form, spending weeks in the hospital, and meeting a terrific girl who’s knocking on death’s front door and then talk to me about ‘depression.’”

Justin, Lance and Chris all winced at the same time, as if Joey’s rant caused them literal pain.

JC also gave a noticeable start, but he was on his feet soon enough. “How do you know when this girl will even be home?” His tone held a challenging note that Joey didn’t like.

“I know she’ll be home. She plans to stay there until the day she officially kicks the bucket.”

Chris blanched. “Dying in her own house? For real?”

“That’s what she said.”

“But that sounds so—so—” Chris struggled for the appropriate word. “Bizarre,” he blurted at last.

“I thought so, too,” Joey admitted. “Then again, at the very least, she’ll be somewhere warm, safe and familiar, and in this way, I can see her without having to go to the hospital every time myself.”

“But she’s just a kid!”

Joey rolled his eyes. “Give me a break, Chris. The age difference between her and you isn’t that drastic. Besides, she’s quite mature for her age—so much more than you, I’d say, in a lot of ways.”

Chris narrowed his eyes and pressed his lips into a fine line. “What’s that supposed to imply?”

“Oh, never mind.”

That was when JC noticed the scrap of paper in Joey’s other hand. “What’s that you got there, Joey?”

“Sheri gave it to me. It’s her bucket list.”

“Bucket list?” said Lance, Chris and Justin in one voice.

“That’s right, and I’m personally going to help bring it to pass. I can do this much for her, if nothing else.”

“Give me that.” JC snatched the paper from Joey with just enough force to avoid tearing it in half. He took one minute to reel off the entire list aloud, and when he faced Joey the next minute, he said in the most incredulous tone, “You can’t be serious!”

Joey kept his head high, his gaze level and his tone brisk as he took back the paper, folded it and put it in the safety of his pocket. “As serious as I have ever been about anything.” 

“You’re honestly going to try to pull all that off in just a couple of months?” Chris asked, every bit as floored, if not more.

Justin added, “And you’re financing everything?”

“Why not? It’s nothing outrageous. Even if it was, I can still shell out the money. Sheri never brought it up, but I’ll bet you anything her medical bills have been rough on her family, and I could tell they’d never lived in the chips to start with.”

“What about your health?” asked Lance. “What about your tests and treatments and everything? You still have a long way to go with that chemo, you know.”

Joey didn’t want to think about it, but he knew Lance was right. “There will be time enough for that,” he said quietly. “I never said I was giving my own treatment the boot. Since our normal schedule’s become a lot more lax, I can divide myself between Sheri and the doctors without too much trouble.”

“And what would you do if something happened to you?” JC demanded, crossing his arms in front of his chest and staring Joey down. “In case it’s slipped your mind, mister, your body’s defenses aren’t exactly tiptop right now, even without that chemo crap.”

“You heard what Dr. Delaney said. Sure, I need to watch myself, but I don’t have to stay in a plastic bubble, either.”

From the look JC gave him, it was almost a miracle Joey didn’t bleed from every place. JC’s voice sounded bladelike as well when he said, “You know what I mean. What if you caught something or did something that put you in the ER in two seconds? What if you got sick and couldn’t take on those activities with Sheri after all? What then?”

Joey bit his lip. He knew such scenarios were plausible enough—even very likely—and he couldn’t think of a better answer than, “That’s just a risk I’ll have to take.”

JC made a growl like an incensed lion and threw both hands high above his head. “Seriously, Joey Fatone, what’s the matter with you?”

“What’s the matter with you?” Joey fired back. “What have you got against Sheri, JC? Why are you always so suspicious of her?”

“Why are you always so trusting of her?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What makes you think this girl’s really as sick as she claims to be? And if she really is, how would you know she’s not exploiting her illness?”

“What?”

“Let me see if I can simplify this for you. Consider the idea that maybe, just maybe, this girl’s playing on your sympathy to get what she wants. It’s an old trick—tell your sob story to the world, spare none of the juicy details, melt your listeners’ hearts into a puddle, and they feel so sorry for you that they’ll give you anything. Literally anything.”

Joey didn’t know whether to be more outraged or shell-shocked at this below-the-belt allusion. Whatever he felt the most, it was a long time before he found his voice, and even then he could barely sputter, “How dare you! How dare you even think that, JC Chasez! Sheri would never take advantage of me!”

“And how do you know that?” JC repeated relentlessly. “You don’t even know her.”

“He’s got a point, man,” said Justin.

“Yeah,” said Chris.

Now Joey turned on them. “Oh, so you two are taking his side in this?”

With a shrug of his shoulders, Chris said, “Face it, Joey. Before you went to the hospital, you never knew the girl existed in the first place. Had you passed her by, you would likely have never given her a second thought.”

Justin added, “And even after you met her, you’ve only seen her a handful of times since.”

Joey gritted his teeth, recognizing the truth in what they were telling him, yet not wanting to admit it.

“I may not know a lot of things,” JC pressed on, “but I do know there are some wolves in pretty convincing sheep costumes, and there are some people who will go to incredible lengths for a little attention, especially attention from a celebrity. And I’m not going to sit around and let some so-called fan with a charity case cash in on—”

Unable to tolerate one more dirty dig on Sheri, Joey all but yelled at the top of his voice, “Oh, shut up!”

A stunned silence fell.

Nobody moved.

All eyes stayed on Joey, the expressions ranging from livid to horrorstruck.

JC broke the silence first, his voice much softer but no less ominous. “What did you say?”

“You know what I said. Or maybe your ears don’t work so well.” Joey could hear his own heart racing and see red before his eyes. It took everything he possessed to not lunge at JC and murder him where he stood. “You can slam me all you like, Mr. Chasez, but I will not hear you tear Sheri Cooper down another minute. Do you hear me?”

JC’s handsome face was a fine blotch of purple; he looked quite ready to kill Joey himself. Had Joey not been his equal in fury, he would have been afraid of the man.

After another long, intense pause, Joey said a little more calmly, and not just to JC, “So I’ll come out and say it right now. Yes, I don’t know everything there is to know about Sheri. Yes, I’ve only met with her intimately a few times, which is more than can be said for you. But I do know this—she’s a sick, lonely girl in desperate need of a friend. In spite of what she’s going through, she listens to me and understands me, and I understand her. She’s my best friend.”

“Aren’t we your best friends?” asked Chris, equally wounded and indignant.

“She’s been more of a friend to me these days than the rest of you put together.”

“What are you talking about?” demanded JC.

“She talks to me like a perfectly normal person and doesn’t shun me like I’ve got the bubonic plague or anything. She knows how I truly feel and actually cares. She’s there for me. Unlike you.” Joey could tell from all four faces that his words had scored their target.

“That’s not fair, Joey,” Chris said in a very small voice.

“We’ve always been there for you,” said Justin, his voice even smaller.

Joey scoffed. “Oh, yeah? Maybe you were at first, for a while—but after they dropped that bomb about my cancer, everything changed.”

“That’s ridiculous!” JC exclaimed.

Joey folded his arms and arched his smooth brows. “Want to bet? How about all those times you avoided me in the hospital? Especially when I was being tested or treated?” To JC, Chris and Justin, he added acidly, “I don’t recall seeing hide or hair of you three during any of my chemo sessions. Most days, if not for Lance, I wouldn’t see anybody at all.”

Chris and Justin looked crushed.

Even JC faltered for five seconds before insisting, “We had a lot of other important business to take care of at those times.”

Joey rolled his eyes again, as far as they had the capacity to go. “Sure, you did. That’s the purest bull crap I ever heard in my life. Okay, then, guys, explain to me your reasons for giving me the cold shoulder when we were together. Like you, Chris. I couldn’t help but notice you were especially careful around me. You hardly came within three feet of me or looked at me dead-on or said something until I did. Whenever you went away from me, you seemed in a bigger hurry than usual. Am I truly that repulsive to you?”

“No! I—I-I—” Chris trailed off pathetically. His chin and hands trembled, as did the tears in his soft brown eyes.

Joey continued, “And what about you, Justin? You never had any real time for me, but when it came to other affairs, somehow you had all the time in the world. Tell me, how did you manage that feat?”

Justin said nothing, but his sky-blue eyes also glistened and he appeared to teeter on the edge of a breakdown, too.

“And don’t get me started on you, JC. I really don’t get why you have to be so angry and nasty all the time; it sure as heck doesn’t take much to blow you up. Not only where Sheri is concerned, either.”

“That’s—” JC began furiously, but Joey raised both hands to stop him.

“Look, man, just hear me out, okay? I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a long time, and I may as well finish what I started. Furthermore, we’ve known each other for a thousand years, so I feel I can be honest with you.”

With his solemn gaze on everyone else, Joey went on, “I’m sorry if I screwed everything up with getting sick and butt-ugly. I’m sorry if you don’t like Sheri, if her cancer and her missing leg turn you off. But she can’t help being the way she is, any more than I can help being the way I am. If you could see her the way I see her, if you could feel even a tenth of what I feel toward her, you’d understand why I’m so keen on her.

“She’s made me feel better about myself and made my cancer more bearable than anyone else has, including the doctors. I believe I can tell her anything without her criticizing me, hushing me up, or running away even if she had two legs. That’s why I’m doing this for her, not out of pity or civic duty; I want to help her as she helped me. If I can’t make her live longer, I can make her last days a bit brighter, and that’s what I aim to do.

“Remember what you said to me when I first checked into the hospital, about how I shouldn’t have to go through something like this by myself? Well, you were right about that much, and that’s what I say about Sheri, too. People stand by those they care about, and I care about Sheri even if the rest of you couldn’t care less. You do what you feel is right and let me do the same.”

The silence that followed this speech was almost deafening.

If anyone had anything to say now, their voices failed them.

Chris covered his face with one hand while Justin put his own head in both hands. Lance stood stock-still, the damp towel still wadded in his hands. JC’s face was no longer quite so purple, his stance no longer rock-rigid.

Joey felt a mingled sense of triumph, resentment, frustration, and deep, burning hurt. Even now, it amazed him to no small degree how he could be so close to these men and yet so far, how they could have gone so quickly from soul brothers to isolated strangers. 

They just didn’t understand each other anymore, and probably never would again.

With whatever dignity he had left, Joey turned his back and stalked off, making it to the bathroom just before he broke into pieces.

 

---

 

Joey was still in the bathroom, his back braced against the door, his eyes and throat raw, when his cell phone rang. He tried to ignore it, but the noise persisted. Halfheartedly, he dug the thing out of his jacket and pushed the button, wiping his face on his sleeve and trying to regulate his breathing as he did.

“H-hello?”

“Joey?”

“Sheri?” He almost dropped the phone to the ceramic floor. “Sheri, is that you?”

“No, it’s Sheri’s evil twin.”

In spite of himself, he had to laugh.

She laughed, too, a sound as soothing as it was beautiful. “You said I could call you whenever I wanted,” she said, “so I called you, partly to make sure I had the right number. I hope you don’t mind.”

“N-no. No, of course, I don’t. Are you—are you feeling all right?”

He could sense her smile when she informed him, “As a matter of fact, I’m feeling great for a change. Seeing you again has really perked up my day. Imagine that—I’ve idolized you for years, and I see you twice in the same week! How awesome is that? I mean, how many fans can get away with saying that Joey Fatone set foot in their house, let alone that they shared a clinic with him?”

Her words heartened Joey, but they twisted his gut, too, the more so as he remembered his big fight with the guys and kept hearing JC’s harsh suggestion that she could be a fake or a freeloader. He couldn’t believe that—didn’t want to believe it—but the notion kept gnawing at the back of his mind. He wondered what Sheri would think of her idols now if she knew what they thought of her, and decided he would sooner cut out his own tongue than relay such awful information. Right now, she had more than enough problems without his adding to the pile.

“That’s the real reason I called you,” Sheri continued, “to personally thank you for coming. It meant a lot to me.”

“Well, it meant a lot when you came to me,” he rejoined. “As far as I’m concerned, I’m merely returning the favor.”

“Are you okay, Joey? Your voice sounds a bit funny.”

“How funny? Like, ha-ha-funny or weird-funny?”

“You just sound like you’ve been crying. Is everything okay?”

The authentic worry in her voice brought a fresh sting to Joey’s eyes. How can she think about others so much when she has so much going on right now? It’s incredible! JC has to be wrong about her.

Aloud, he said, “I’m okay. Or I will be, eventually.” When Sheri didn’t push for further details, he said, “Hey, listen, while you’re there, why don’t we further discuss this list of yours?” With his free hand, he pulled the paper from his jeans and smoothed it out in his lap. “I know there’s a zoo not too far away.”

“I know that zoo, too. But I never got the chance to go there.”

“Well, my dear, you could get your wish of feeding a giraffe and petting a tiger there. We could do it sometime this week or the next if you’d like.”

“You sure you want to do this? I don’t want to put you at risk. I haven’t forgotten about your health.”

“I said I wanted to do this, and I will.” He smiled. “Don’t worry, Sheri, I know what I’m doing. Besides, I don’t go back for chemo for another week, anyway. So, as long as we’re both doing well, we might as well.” He chuckled at his own quip, and she joined in.

They spent the next twenty minutes making plans, taking care to include Sheri’s mother and sister in those plans, and just after Joey ended the call, a soft knock came on the bathroom door.

“Joey?” Lance’s voice called from the other side. “Joey, can I come in? Please open up.”

“Is there anyone else with you?”

“No. Just me.”

Slowly, somewhat unsteadily, Joey climbed to his feet. When he opened the door, only Lance stood there, sure enough. For that, Joey was immensely relieved; had it been JC or any of the others, he would have locked himself in the bathroom for the rest of the night. “What do you want?” he asked, brushing his wrist across his eyes one more time.

“I wanted to see if you were all right.”

Joey gave a pathetic laugh. “I think you know the answer to that.”

Lance’s cheeks reddened, but he said as meekly as ever while he rubbed his shoulder, “I—um—I know this will sound dumb, but I’m really sorry about earlier, man.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I’m sorry the other guys gave you such a rough time. Well, a rough-er time, anyway.”

“That makes two of us, my friend.”

“I can see where JC is coming from, but I can see how he’s overreacting, too. He definitely should have picked his words more carefully.”

Waving his hand dismissively, Joey muttered, “Forget it. What’s said is said. You know what, Lance? I’m just not going to fight it anymore. I’m tired of butting heads with JC, sick of every conversation between us ending in a spat. I’ve had it with Justin and Chris dodging me right and left, acting like I’ll keel over at any second. If this is how it’s going to be, if this is how they want it, fine.”

Lance said nothing to this, but Joey had never seen his face look so sad before. When Lance did speak, he said slowly, “I, uh, also wanted to talk to you about your plans for Sheri and the zoo.”

Joey looked at him in surprise and slight indignation. “Oh, you heard, huh?”

“I heard enough.”

“Well, I mean to go through with it, while Sheri and I both feel up to it. So don’t waste your breath trying to talk me out of it.”

“I wasn’t going to talk you out of it.”

Joey furrowed his brow. “Then what were you going to talk about?”

“I just wondered if you wouldn’t mind me tagging along.”

“Huh?” Now Joey stared at his mate in total bafflement. “You, tag along?”

“If that’s all right. That should give the guys at least some peace of mind, knowing I’m with you, and I’ll be there in case anything—well, just in case.” A subtle note of humor crept into Lance’s voice. “Besides, I understand Sheri’s family is made mostly of girls, and it may do you some good to have another man to, you know, help balance things out a little more.”

This time, Joey had to smile. “If Sheri and her family don’t object, I guess I can’t, either.”

“And I know a place where we can rent a special wheelchair for Sheri, and one of those vans that holds the capacity for a wheelchair. I mean, the zoo’s not exactly within walking distance, and can you imagine trying to get there with the kind of car we have right now?”

Touched by this thoughtful gesture, Joey said with an ear-to-ear grin, “Yes, I believe that would do very nicely!”

Lance’s face brightened as well. “Awesome! So, which day did you and Sheri have in mind?”

 

---

 

“Aren’t those the sweetest eyes you ever saw? And such gorgeous necks, too!”

“When you talk that way, Sheri, one would presume you were in love.”

“Can you blame me? From the moment I first read about them in my big baby book of animals, I’ve been positively infatuated with giraffes.”

Joey shook his head, but he had to smile anyway.

At that time, with the sun shining in a cloudless sky, the zoo bustling, the animals out and about, and an animated Sheri by his side, nothing could have spoiled his good mood.

Not once had Sheri presented the smallest qualm about using a wheelchair in public, and with her plaid blanket wrapped around her like a skirt, almost no one took notice of her absent leg. For this occasion, the girl sported a navy-blue top with cap sleeves and a scoop neck, a jaunty gray cap that looked almost too big for her head, and (Joey wasn’t the least surprised) her butterfly pendant. Not for the first time, Joey longed to ask about that pendant but never found the nerve.

On Sheri’s other side, Lance stood with Ann and Tami; this day marked Joey’s first official acquaintance with Sheri’s sister.

Tami resembled Sheri in many ways, but Joey could see the differences, too. For one thing, aside from having a full head of hair and both legs intact, Tami was much taller—she even topped her mother—and had a little more meat on her bones. Also, in contrast to Sheri’s modest elegance, Tami’s style leaned closer to punk. Her attire for that day consisted of black high-heeled boots, black jeans and a plain white shirt under a short black jacket, and her light brown hair held a bright red streak on one side and a vivid purple streak on the other.

Despite her tough-girl façade, however, Joey found her surprisingly quiet and withdrawn. She’d barely spoken two words all morning, though Sheri had assured Joey earlier that, upon hearing that Joey Fatone and Lance Bass were coming with them to the zoo, Tami had almost had a cardiac arrest. “I kid you not, Joey, I could almost hear her heart cease its beating, then and there.”

Even now, at the feeding station, Tami couldn’t seem to stop stealing quick looks at Lance and Joey, particularly Lance.

Sheri kept her eyes fixed mostly on the giraffes, and Joey had to admire them as well, with their almost regal gait, copper patches, long and handsome necks, and the way their petal-shaped ears twitched back and forth.

Upon their arrival, Lance had purchased a good number of fresh acacia shoots. Now he passed them around, giving the first few to Sheri, telling her with a wink as he did, “Ladies first.”

It was all Sheri could do to keep her hand steady while one of the giraffes slowly advanced on her, stretched its decorative neck over the wooden rail and put forth its long grayish tongue. When it snatched the treat completely out of her hand, Sheri laughed out loud while her mother snapped a picture.

“This—is—awesome!” the girl virtually squealed.

“Here you go, big guy,” Joey smiled, holding out his own stalk to another giraffe, who snatched it every bit as eagerly.

Even Tami got excited when her giraffe gobbled her leafy tidbit.

The feeding lasted a good fifteen minutes or so; the way the giraffes chewed their food reminded Joey of a cow or goat, and he couldn’t repress a smirk. Most of the creatures turned away as soon as they were fed, but two or three hung around for at least a few minutes, and Sheri and her group took advantage of the opportunity to pet them, to fondle their necks and scratch their ears. When one giraffe poked its big head close enough to Sheri’s face, she went so far as to kiss its nose. Some onlookers made some sounds of disgust, but Joey had never beheld a more endearing sight and Ann managed to capture a shot before the giraffe moved.

Later, after a thorough cleansing at the hand-washing section—the zoo people were very explicit about washing after feeding a giraffe and Sheri was no exception—they browsed the neighboring gift shop, with Lance steering Sheri’s chair. Sheri oohed and ahhed over just about everything her eyes fell on, and Joey couldn’t resist picking up some mementos here and there, including a lifelike giraffe figurine and a cuddly eighteen-inch plush giraffe. When he gave the stuffed giraffe to Sheri, she was like a little kid on Christmas morning; she hugged the toy as tightly as she could and would only let it out of her grasp after they had grabbed some lunch.

Though she didn’t have much of an appetite these days, she managed to down half a pastrami sandwich along with several French fries and a small Diet Coke.

Joey, remembering his doctors’ advice about avoiding overly rich or fatty foods, stuck to a mozzarella tuna melt with baked potato chips and a medium soda, though he still allowed himself the dessert of a sumptuous chocolate lava cake with ice cream.

Ann, with only a little hesitation at first, agreed to a grilled chicken wrap and a small sundae, and Tami and Lance easily ate the most of anyone with their triple-decker burgers and cheese fry towers and ice cream boats.

If Joey had ever eaten a better lunch, he could not remember now.

While they ate, Tami became much more open and talkative, and Joey knew before the end of the meal that he had made a new friend.

“This is too cool!” Tami said between gooey mouthfuls of ice cream. “Who knew I’d one day be sharing lunch with two guys from ‘N Sync? None of my friends will ever believe me, not in a million years.”

“So, you’re an old-time fan, too, eh?” Lance remarked, raising his brows above the rim of his dark shades.

“She used to dream for ages of the day she would become Mrs. Justin Timberlake,” said Sheri with a giggle.

“Oh, shut up,” said Tami, flicking her crumpled straw wrapper in her sister’s direction. But she was smiling all the same, and Joey realized this kind of teasing must be typical for the two girls.

After their food had settled some, the gang headed for the tiger exhibit, where Sheri lived her dream of petting a full-sized tiger. Due to her wheelchair, one of the attendants was kind enough to bring a tiger to her on a strong leash and Sheri fussed over the big beast as she would a new puppy. They even got to feed and cuddle some of the cubs; no one could stop laughing at the way the little frisky things attacked the milk bottles, and when it came to petting, the cubs would roll right onto their backs and allow their tummies to be rubbed. Tami sat quietly on the cool concrete with one cub between her legs, caressing its massive paws while Lance held the bottle, and the cub lay perfectly still and half-dozed while it sucked away.

Joey found himself going, “Awww,” more than once.

“They’re just a bunch of big kitties, aren’t they?” Sheri cooed as one cub rubbed its head against her arm and rumbled as steadily as an ongoing motor.

Ann, being more timid around the tigers, kept her distance, though she continued to put her camera to good use.

After they left the exhibit (with considerable reluctance), Ann sought Joey out for a quiet talk. While Lance stayed with the girls, Joey willingly joined Ann on a concrete bench in the shade of a small tree. “I really can’t thank you enough for doing this for Sheri, Joey,” she said in a soft voice, tucking a stray wisp of hair behind her ear. “You have no idea how much this means to her…to all of us. I haven’t seen my girl this happy in ages.”

Joey nodded amiably. “It’s my pleasure, Mrs. Cooper.”

With a light chuckle, she gently corrected him, “Ann, if you please. I’m not so formal about these things.”

“Okay, Ann. I’ll try to remember that.” After a minute’s pause, Joey asked, “Sheri got her middle name from you, didn’t she?”

“Yes, she did.”

“I like her name. And I like her, too. She’s a really great girl.”

“One of the best girls in the whole world.” Ann sighed. “Too good to have had so many bad things happen to her in such a short time.”

“Well, I’m glad I can help bring a bit of goodness into that little wedge of time.”

Ann’s eyes fairly sparkled as she informed him, “You and your band have always been outstanding role models to her over the years. When her father took off, when some of her dearest friends turned cold, when she struggled with her cancer…” She faltered for just a moment, then went on as softly as ever, “More than once, I didn’t think she was going to make it. But you, with your music, with your charm, your generosity, your sheer vivacity…you gave her something to hold onto, a reason to go on living. She always kept her eyes peeled for you on TV, and she would play your music so often that, once or twice, I would have sworn I heard her singing ‘Bye Bye Bye’ in her sleep.”

Hearing this humbled Joey to his roots and gutted him at the same time. He wondered, as he had with Sheri, if Ann would speak so fondly of his group if she could see and hear their true attitudes for herself. He was just glad Lance was there, that Lance was officially over his misgivings about Sheri—or acted like he was, anyway—and treated her as he would anyone else.

Why can’t the guys be more like Lance?

He pushed the thought aside. He flat-out refused to let anything, including his band mates, put a damper on this special day.

Besides, they’d shunned him first, so he could do the same to them every bit as easily.

Aloud, he said, “That’s quite an honor, Ann. It makes the time and work all worthwhile.”

“I understand you’ve been grappling with cancer yourself lately,” she said. “I’m truly sorry about that.”

He stared at her in surprise. “How did you know…?”

“Sheri never told me, but I figured it out. Besides, when you’ve lived with cancer long enough, you learn to recognize the signs.”

“Oh,” was all Joey could say as he found an odd interest in the shadowy pavement.

“Sheri’s reason for putting that black hat together makes perfect sense now,” Ann continued. “You’re very kind to wear it in front of her, even on a day like today.”

An inevitable smile crept across Joey’s face, and he managed to lift his head a bit. “She was very kind to put it together for me. I’ll keep it forever.”

“That’s the only true comfort in this world, I believe—to comfort someone else.”

“I believe it. Sheri comforts me and I do my best to comfort her. In this way, we both benefit.”

Ann sighed again and shook her head. Her voice grew softer, more nostalgic. “Ah, my dear Sheri…she’s always been the world’s biggest sweetheart. Even before she became ill, her heart was twice the size of Texas. She believed that a hug, a kiss, or a present could make just about anything better. I remember when one of her friends was going through a hard time; Sheri put together a beautiful bead bracelet just for her, using every color you can think of. Her friend wore that bracelet every day for over a year. Another time, when another friend came to school without lunch, Sheri gave half her lunch to him, including half her treat. It was one of her favorite treats, too, but she never thought once about keeping it for herself.”

Waves of tingling warmth swept through Joey’s entire system. Now he was truly convinced JC couldn’t be any more wrong about Sheri than if JC had said day was night.

If the girl’s own mother couldn’t vouch for her, who could?

“That makes me like her all the more,” he said.

For the first time, Ann reached out to him and placed her hand over his. “And again, I can’t thank you enough for your wonderful generosity in return. I hope the happiness you’re providing now comes back to you at least tenfold.”

“Thank you, Ann,” said Joey, and prayed he wouldn’t start bawling in the woman’s presence.

“I also hope you make a complete recovery. I pray it’s the good Lord’s will that you live a long, healthy and rich life. You deserve nothing less.”

“Again, thank you.”

As Joey followed Ann back to the others, he couldn’t help going over her last words, and he couldn’t help wondering, Why wasn’t it the good Lord’s will that Sheri live a long, healthy and rich life, too? She deserved nothing less, either. How is it that I still stand a chance for survival? Guess I can’t complain about that, but still—

Once more, he cut off the thought. Already it was bringing him down, and he resolved to not let it drag him too low.

This was not about him, he reminded himself sternly.

Right now, he was the last person in the world who mattered.

The rest of the day was smooth sailing, and when Lance and Joey took the women home sometime around ten o’ clock, it seemed almost a shame to go home. Sheri fell asleep during the drive, with her toy giraffe nestled snugly in her arms, and Joey was glad to have Lance for the designated driver because he could barely keep his own eyes open.

When Lance and Joey were alone in the van, Lance asked gently, “Do you feel up to going back to the condo?”

“Mind if we stop somewhere for coffee first? I’m not ready to se…set foot in the condo yet.” Joey just barely stopped himself from blurting, “to see the other guys yet.”

So Lance drove to the nearest café with no further questions. Only a handful of other people were there at that time of night, and Joey and Lance sat opposite each other by one of the giant windows. As they sipped their coffee, Lance said at length, “That was a lot of fun, wasn’t it?”

Joey nodded. “Oh, yeah. Definitely one of the best days I’ve had in a long time. I could tell Sheri had a ball, too, and that makes it even better.”

“I’m glad.”

“Hey, listen, man, I really, really appreciate you doing this. You’ve been a tremendous help today.”

“You’re welcome,” said Lance with a smile as warm as the steam curling from their mugs. “I’m happy to help.”

“It means the world to me. I owe you big-time.”

“I didn’t do this just for you. I did it for Sheri as well.”

“Oh?”

“I know my first meeting with her was…less than ideal. But now I understand what it is about her that appeals to you so much. I love her, too.”

“Love?” Joey repeated the word like it was foreign.

“Of course. Don’t tell me you don’t feel the same way, man. It’s written all over your face every time you so much as mention the girl’s name.”

Staring at his floating blob of whipped cream, Joey mumbled, “I…guess that’s one way to put it.”

“Come, now, Joey,” said Lance, sounding like a kid trying to coax a secret from another kid. “No need to be so coy. You don’t guess; you know. And there’s no better way to put it that I know of.”

“If you say so.” Before Joey realized it, he blurted, “Too bad the rest of the crew doesn’t hold her in the same regard.”

Lance was quiet for some time. He used a misplaced straw to stir his coffee around and around, watching the brown and white swirls with a faraway expression. When he spoke, he said so softly that Joey almost had to lean across the table to hear him, “I talked with JC this morning.”

“You did?”

“Just before we left. That’s why I took so long to join you in the parking lot.”

“I thought it was because you were doing a final check on your hair.”

“No. Well, yeah, I did want to make sure I looked decent, but then JC held me up right when I was about to walk out the door.”

Joey didn’t want to ask, but he asked anyway. “What did he say?”

“Not much. Mostly he asked me to try to talk some sense into you, told me that I had a much better standing with you and you’d listen to me.”

“And what did you tell him?”

Looking Joey dead in the eye, Lance answered in his gravest tone, “I told him, ‘JC, anything that’s this important to Joey ought to be important to all of us, too. I don’t know why you’re so quick to judge Sheri, but I’ve gotten to know her a little better myself, and until you do the same, you have no right to stick any labels on her. You have no right to even think anything about her, either.’ Then I left him standing there in the doorway.”

It was a long time before Joey could speak again, and even then his voice was scarcely a whisper. “I could kiss you for that.”

“I meant it, too. Don’t know if it will make any difference, but at any rate, you can have the assurance that JC will not be hounding you so much about Sheri anymore. I shall personally see to that. If he so much as looks at you funny, I’ll be there.”

“Thanks, Lance Bass,” said Joey, unaware at that moment of anyone in the world apart from the man sitting in front of him. “Thank you…so much.”

 

---

 

Joey had little reason to doubt that Lance would indeed stand by him should JC ever confront him again. Nevertheless, Joey refused to let any opportunity for such an exchange present itself. As the days crawled, not only did Joey not speak to JC, Chris or Justin at all, but he avoided their very presence whenever he could for as long as humanly possible.

When the day came for him to resume chemo, only Lance chauffeured him to the clinic in their rented van. They never told the others about their plans, aside from leaving a handwritten note at the breakfast bar that just read, Gone to the clinic. Chemo business. Back whenever.

Joey had meant it when he said he wasn’t giving up his own treatments on Sheri’s account. But that didn’t mean he looked forward to taking that stuff again. He would have thought he’d be used to it by now, but more than once, that horrible nausea proved too strong to resist. Whenever he got green about the gills, he forced himself to think good thoughts; thoughts about Sheri, about the zoo and all the fun they’d shared that day, pulled him through.

Lance stuck to Joey like glue the whole time, even when the process dragged over an hour. When it was finally over, Lance helped Joey to his feet, patted his back and asked him, “Feel like grabbing a soda?”

“Sure,” said Joey as he wiped his mouth. “Food’s the last thing I want right now, but a soda should be okay.”

Over the next three weeks, some chemo sessions went smoother than others. Some days, Joey got so queasy and lightheaded that he couldn’t tell the difference between ceilings and floors. One time, when he leaped from his seat a little too soon, Lance and Dr. Delaney both had to catch him and lower him very gently to the floor, and Lance knelt by his head while a nurse propped up his legs. Joey recovered from his dizzy spell soon enough, but then he felt extremely embarrassed; he could only recall blacking out like that two or three other times in his life.

Other days, the session was a piece of cake, and Joey not only felt great afterward but insisted on a burger or slice of pizza. Once, he was brave enough to opt for full-scale Chinese; Lance spared no expense on the meal.

Every week, regardless of how he felt, Joey remained adamant about visiting Sheri. Due to the hospice program, they couldn’t drop in on her at any old time, but they still got to see her at least a few days each week, their staying times varying from twenty minutes to three hours. However long or short the visit, Joey made the most of it. Sheri was always thrilled to see him and Lance, and her mother assured them that their visits marked the highlight of Sheri and Tami’s whole week.

“It really gives both girls something to look forward to,” Ann said with a smile. “And I’ll admit, it’s wonderful to have some males around the house for a change.”

About twice or so in the week, Ann invited Joey and Lance to stay for dinner. Joey accepted, not only because it gave him an excuse to stay with Sheri (and avoid the guys) longer, but Ann proved a superb cook, too. No matter how sick the chemo made him, no matter how much his stomach rebelled at the mere mention of food, Joey could always abide Ann’s cooking.

Sitting there at the worn table, surrounded by friendly faces and pleasant talk, he began to feel like part of the family, and every now and then he would almost forget about Sheri’s plight.

Even when no one mentioned it aloud, the evidence was plain enough. Sheri was looking increasingly bloated despite her paltry appetite, and her skin developed a distinct yellowy hue. Joey sensed she must be hurting plenty, too; while she had some strong pills at hand, they didn’t always do their job. She never once complained, but Joey still feared for her, ached for her, and reinforced his pledge to stay with her and help her mark off her bucket list.

On one of Joey’s better days, he took Sheri out to get her nails designed, something else she had always longed to do and would have done sooner if she could. Lance insisted on bringing Tami along and having her nails done, too; Tami would never admit it, but Joey could tell how much she wanted to come and how happy it made her to include her in the adventure. Of course, Joey didn’t have the heart to refuse her anyway.

At the salon, Joey announced to both girls, “No expense spared, ladies. You pick out any design you like, and I mean any kind. If you want your nails to show off the American flag, Mickey Mouse, Mona Lisa, or Michael Jackson doing the moonwalk step by step, be my guest.”

After much deliberation, Sheri settled for cute animal faces, with a different animal for every fingernail, while Tami chose a tropical island motif. It took a fair bit of time, but the girls didn’t mind in the least, and their stylists made each nail bed an impeccable work of art.

Afterward, Lance treated everybody to hoagie sandwiches and root beer floats. Even at their table, Sheri couldn’t stop admiring her nails and she handled her cold glass with exceptional care. “Thank you, Joey,” she gushed. “Thank you, Lance. Thank you so much! This is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.”

“You’re welcome,” Joey smiled. “It’s our pleasure.”

“You ladies have chosen well,” Lance said as he held up Tami’s hand as if they were in an old-fashioned movie. “You have excellent taste.”

“Thanks,” said Tami while her face rivaled the red of the shirt she wore that day.

“I really like your nails, Tami,” Sheri said. “That little dolphin silhouette is a nice touch.”

“Your nails look awesome too, Sher. I’m not surprised you started with a giraffe’s mug.”

The next minute, out of the pure blue, Tami’s hazel eyes overflowed and she quickly excused herself. Bewildered and worried, Lance started to go after her, but Joey said, “You stay with Sheri, Lance. I’ll handle Tami.”

So Lance complied. Sheri said nothing, but she watched Joey leave the table with an expression of sad understanding.

Joey tracked Tami down in a narrow corner by the restrooms. Though she was mostly silent, the way her hands covered her face and the way her whole body shook didn’t fool him. Approaching with caution and care, placing his hand on the girl’s quivering shoulder with a feather’s lightness, he whispered, “Tami?”

She gave only a slight start. Without looking up, she brushed her sleeve furiously across her face. Her voice sounded almost mouselike when she said, “J-Joey.”

“Tami, are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” she said in a tone that insisted otherwise. 

“What is it?” He sensed the answer before she gave it to him.

“I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to lose it back there. It’s just—” She faltered for a minute, and then lifted her tear-glossed face to his as she blurted, “I wish this wasn’t happening, Joey. Sometimes I forget how sick Sheri is, that this is the real end for her. Having her home with us feels like old times…and then I look at her, really look at her, and see how bad she is and how much worse she’s getting every day. Every day means one day less.” A fresh tear made a new diamond trail down her cheek. “A-and I feel like I shouldn’t be happy and healthy, like I don’t deserve to have a good time when she’s—when she’s—”

Joey felt his heart split down the middle. He yearned to say something to comfort Tami, but found nothing.

It dawned on him, most unpleasantly, that Sheri’s impending death was taking a much harder toll on her family than he realized. With how they acted so loving and playful toward one another…what true pain lurked behind those smiling masks?

He already hurt like crazy; how much more must Tami be hurting?

And what of Ann? How had she endured her daughter’s implacable suffering all this time?

These questions, with so many more, formed a massive whirlpool in Joey’s mind, and he had no answers. 

Tears pricked his eyes like white-hot needles as he put his arms around Tami and drew her closer. She made no resistance; she even flung her own arms about his torso and squeezed him like she had no intention of letting go. He could barely make out her words as she sobbed into his chest, “I’m going to miss my sister so much.”

All Joey could do was stand there and cradle the poor girl, and all he could tell her was, “I’m here for you, Tami. I’m here.”

 

---

 

When Tami finally calmed down, Joey quietly walked with her to their table, keeping his arm around her like a safeguard. Sheri and Lance asked no questions aside from whether Tami was okay, and after Tami resumed her seat, Sheri clasped her sister’s hand and regarded her so tenderly that Joey had to take a big swig of root beer to keep from crying again.

Later, after taking the girls home, Joey and Lance were invited once again to linger at the Cooper house for a while longer. Naturally, neither could refuse.

Joey joined Sheri on the old couch in the living room, where she snuggled with the stuffed giraffe he had given her. In an attempt at light talk, he said, “Still clinging to that big toy, I see, eh?”

“Obviously,” Sheri said with a grin. “I sleep with it every night and almost never let it get more than three feet away from me. It’s just so soft and squishy—and it carries such good memories of the zoo, too.”

“That was fun, huh?”

“The best fun I’ve ever had, thanks to you and Lance.” She leaned a little closer and he slid his arm across her bony shoulders. “I’m so glad you two come by and visit me whenever you can. You’re incredibly nice to do that.”

He squeezed her gently. “Think nothing of it, Sher. I always look forward to coming here and hanging with you.”

“Much as I love my mom and sister, I also love seeing different faces and hearing different voices. Oh, the people from hospice are always on hand, but it’s not quite the same.”

“Yeah, I can imagine.” At length, Joey added, “You’ve got a terrific family, Sheri. They easily rank among the best people I’ve ever known.”

“I think so, too. Oh, we have our moments, but what family doesn’t?” Sheri shook her head and lowered her voice. “I don’t know what I’d do or where I’d be without Mom and Tami…and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.”

“Tami’s come as a bit of a surprise to me. First time I saw her, I thought, ‘Whoa, here’s a girl you’d better not aggravate if you know what’s good for you!’”

Sheri laughed.

“But now I take that back. She’s a genuine sweetheart and I’m very fond of her.”

“She’s a sweetheart, all right, though you’d better keep your distance when she gets angry.” Sheri’s face and tone grew more solemn. “After I’m…you know, gone, will you help keep an eye on Tami? I know you’ve still got a life and I know you won’t always be around, especially after you regain your health. But will you at least keep some tabs on her? Mom, too?”

“Of course.” Joey was surprised and deeply impressed, not only at her concern for her family, but at how confident she sounded that his health would change for the better.

Stroking the downy fuzz of her giraffe’s neck, Sheri murmured, “I know this is hard for them both, so much more than they let on. At the restaurant today, I already knew what was wrong with Tami before she left the table. And I know Mom’s lost it plenty of times, too. No one has to tell me anything; the signs speak for themselves.”

Somehow, Joey summoned the nerve to ask, “How do you deal with it, Sheri?”

She lifted her eyes to his. “Me?”

“How can you face the end of your life like this? Surely you have your moments when you just lose it, too. Even when you don’t show it, surely you get sad and angry and bitter. Surely you hurt as much as anyone, if not the most.”

“Who wouldn’t? I’d say it’s impossible for anyone to get through something like this without some negative feeling.” Sheri sighed and shook her head. “Yeah, Joey…I do have my moments of anger, sadness, and bitterness. I do feel like I’m being cheated out of my life and everything I hold dear. More than once, I’ve asked God straight out, ‘Why are You doing this to me? Why are You letting this happen? Why me? Why now? Did I really do something so wrong to deserve a fate like this?’” 

After a long, anxious pause, Joey asked softly, “So, what then? How do you cope? How do you make it through one more day?”

Reaching for a thick book that lay on her other side, Sheri answered, “Whenever I’m finding myself on the edge of that black abyss, whenever I’m tempted to throw in the towel, to just curl into a little ball and let death take me, I resort to this. I consider it my lifeline.”

Joey recognized that book as the Holy Bible. It had a beautiful burgundy cover, with Sheri’s full name embossed in gold in the lower right corner.

“Didn’t you just finish it?” he asked.

“I did. And I still run through some of my favorite passages every day. I’ve read dozens of fantastic books, but this one beats them all out of the ballpark.” Sheri ran her palm lovingly over the sleek leather before cracking the book. Joey could tell from a glance that the thing had been put to excellent use. Almost every verse was underlined in a range of colors, and personal notes crammed the margins. Most of the pages had their upper tips folded over, too.

Joey’s throat tightened and his stomach lurched with the realization that he wasn’t as diligent with the Good Book these days as he ought to be. He could no longer recall when he had done an intimate reading that lasted beyond ten minutes.

As Sheri flicked the pages, she asked him, “Have you ever read the very last part, the Book of Revelation?”

“Bits and pieces of it,” he said with a little fidgeting. “Can’t say I found it particularly appealing, with all that talk of the end of the world, of war and destruction and the Final Judgment.”

“I used to view it that way, too,” she said gently. She paused, then went on, “Then I started reading the words more closely, digging much deeper into them and praying about them more seriously. Now whenever I read them, I understand what they’re really saying.” She sighed. “And, oh, what a beautiful message they deliver.”

“Message?” Joey almost couldn’t hear his own voice.

“A message of hope. A declaration of peace. A song of triumph. A solemn promise that, no matter how bad things are now or will ever be, God remains in total control, and in His due time, everything—everything—will turn out right.” She turned to the seventh chapter of Revelation, and she placed her fingertip on the seventeenth verse so that Joey could observe it, too. “Like this one here. ‘For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters, and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.’”

Joey’s heart skipped a beat. His breath caught. He remembered those words, if somewhat dimly—but now, in this fashion, it was like hearing them for the very first time.

Like magic, the words moved through him and stirred something inside him. If He had heard such words from God’s own lips, he didn’t see how the effect would be any different.

“When I go,” Sheri whispered, “I want this verse for my epitaph.”

“It would make for a beautiful epitaph,” was all Joey could say.

Again, Sheri shook her head. With a half-smile, she remarked, “That’s just the trouble with the world, isn’t it, Joey?”

“What?”

“If it doesn’t teach you to not believe in God, it teaches you to fear Him too much and trust Him too little. Knowing that God is aware of me and ready to welcome me home…that also helps me get by. Doesn’t mean I don’t hurt in the meantime, of course. Doesn’t mean I won’t miss my loved ones down here, either. But it’s easier to endure the bad when you have something good waiting for you at the other end.”

 

---

 

That night, Joey could not sleep. 

Drained as his body was, he could not get his mind to shut off. Every now and then his eyes would close for a few minutes, only to snap open again.

He shifted his position on the bed at least a dozen times, trying to find a comfortable spot. 

It did no good.

At half-past two, Joey decided to hang around the kitchen for a while. As quietly as he could manage, he slipped out of bed and crept past Lance and Chris, who both appeared dead to the world. Before he set toe out the door, something prompted him to pick up the book resting on his dresser and take it with him. 

In the kitchen, using only the lights above the breakfast bar, Joey sat with his own copy of the Bible. He thumbed gently through the ivory pages, which were almost like new. He paid especial attention to the Book of Revelation; like Sheri, he tried to read the words with genuine intent, and it truly amazed him at how much they comforted and inspired him. Besides the verse Sheri had shared with him, the fourth verse of the twenty-first chapter also caught his eye; he found himself reading it again, and again, and yet again:

“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” 

Tears all but flooded Joey’s eyes, blurring the passage. His throat squeezed spandex-tight. Warmth enveloped his heart at the same moment guilt sickened him.

Why haven’t I turned to this thing more often? Why haven’t I read it like this before?

How many times had he taken God’s word for granted?

How many things in this world had he taken for granted?

Would he still have the opportunity to experience those things and savor them?

If he did, he would never take them for granted again.

Absorbed in his reverie, he didn’t realize he had company, not until a groggy voice asked, “What are you doing up, Joey?”

Glancing over his shoulder, Joey could just make out Chris’s disheveled form in the dim light.

At a different time, Joey would have left the room on the spot. While he stayed put, his voice held a noticeable edge when he said, “Hello, Chris. Long time, no see.”

Chris squirmed a bit, but his tone was docile when he asked, “May I sit with you?”

“If you feel the need.”

Very slowly, Chris ventured forward and joined Joey at the black granite counter. The two men hadn’t been this close in ages, and Joey couldn’t help noticing his companion’s physical disarray. Several strands of Chris’s brown hair trailed limply in his face, he needed a shave, and his clothes appeared baggier than usual. Joey thought he looked a little pale, too.

As Chris sat there, he glanced at Joey sideways and whispered, “Hey.”

“Hey.” It was with considerable effort that Joey didn’t say, “So you decided to acknowledge my existence after all.” Instead, he asked with as much tact as he could find, “So, what are you doing up, man?”

“Couldn’t sleep. I also noticed you leaving the room and…” Chris trailed off for a bit, then resumed. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Very thoughtful gesture,” Joey said, unsure of how grateful he ought to be.

“Is that the Bible you’re reading?”

“Yeah.”

“What for? I mean, why the sudden interest?”

“Felt I could use a bit of spiritual guidance. And there’s no law that says you can’t read the Bible at three in the morning, is there?”

“I guess not.”

When Chris didn’t move or say anything else, Joey asked him, “So, are you just passing through, or do you want something special?”

Looking and sounding extremely uncomfortable, Chris mumbled, “I—I’ve just been missing you, that’s all.”

“Really?” Joey crossed his arms and tilted his head shrewdly to one side. “I never would have guessed.”

For a long time, neither of them spoke.

Then, to Joey’s genuine surprise, Chris gave a loud groan and buried his face in his hands. “Ugh! I can’t take this anymore!”

Joey furrowed his brow. “Can’t take what anymore?”

Dropping his hands to the table, looking Joey in the eye for once, Chris asked in a voice as distraught as his face, “Aren’t you ever going to forgive me, Joey?”

“For what?”

“You know what! For avoiding you in the hospital. For steering clear of you whenever you were around. For getting cold feet on you on the whole.” Chris’s soft brown eyes filled past the brim. His voice broke. “I’m so sorry, Joey. I should have been there for you. I should have been a better friend.”

Now Joey got at him. “Yes, you should have,” he said, speaking quietly but brusquely enough to make Chris flinch again. “I never would have expected you, of all people, to get cold feet like that. Even now, I can’t believe you, and I’ll never understand you.”

Chris closed his eyes, drew in a slow breath, and just as slowly let it out. When he opened his eyes, he said as softly as ever, “All right, then. Would you at least believe and understand my reasons for doing what I did and feeling the way I felt?”

“What reasons?” Joey never thought it was possible to be so frustrated, so concerned, and so downright mystified about one person at one time.

With a heavy sigh, Chris leaned forward and massaged his temples with his fingertips. He looked weary and somehow older than Joey remembered him. With his head down, he murmured, “This isn’t easy for me to say, Joey, and I’m not proud of myself. But please hear me out, will you?”

“I’m listening.”

After taking another minute to think of the right words, Chris began, and even then his voice wavered more than once. “It got me down big-time when they told us you had cancer. I never expected something so awful to strike someone I knew and cared about so much, least of all you. I couldn’t believe it; I didn’t want to believe it. I can only describe that day as one of the worst days of my life, if not the worst.”

Welcome to my world.

“I didn’t know what to do.” Chris shook his head, closed his eyes again and hid them in one palm. “What could I do? Every time I looked at you, saw what the doctors and the treatments were doing to you, I got so scared and upset and ashamed—”

Joey cut him off. “Ashamed of what?”

Slowly, Chris withdrew his hand and fixed his solemn, tearful gaze with Joey’s once more. In a voice almost too quiet for Joey’s ears, the older man answered, “Of the fact that you had cancer and I didn’t. That my health was perfectly sound and yours wasn’t. And still, I didn’t want to trade places with you—and that only made me feel worse.” A tear slid down his cheek, which he never bothered to wipe away.

Joey sat stock-still. Had he seen Chris sprout a second head, he couldn’t have been more stunned. “For real, man?” was all he could get out of his mouth.

Chris nodded forlornly as another tear made a shining streak. “That’s why I kept my distance. I was afraid for you, heartsick for you, but never put off by you. I had no idea what to tell you, how I could make your situation any better. I felt too guilty, like I didn’t deserve to be your brother anymore. The odds of you not recovering terrified me; I could literally see myself and the other guys at your funeral. You never knew, but so many nights, I just cried myself to sleep.”

As Joey viewed things from Chris’s perspective, he couldn’t help getting a little choked up, too. He didn’t have to think about it to know that his heart would have been truly sick were this happening to Chris or any of his mates.

Much as he pitied Sheri, he also knew he didn’t want to be in her place if he had the choice. In spite of all he had endured, the greater part of him refused to give up the fight, remained fixed that he would stay in this world forever—or at least until age reduced him to a raisin.

Knowing Sheri, he had no doubt that she would never let him take her place anyway.

Chris went on, “I thought it might help you and me if I put some space between us. Obviously, it never did. Then you started ignoring me, spending all that time with Sheri and Lance. It hurt—and it made me realize how selfish I’ve been. That proved the straw that busted the camel’s back.”

“Wow,” said Joey after another prolonged pause.

Once Chris started talking, he had a lot to say, and now his behavior made a great deal more sense. It didn’t justify him, but Joey found he couldn’t resent him anymore. If anything, Joey could only feel compassion now, along with some foolishness for not taking such grave emotions into better consideration.

What Sheri had once suggested about his mates rang anew in his ears: “I’m sure your cancer is just as hard on them as it is on you. Maybe even harder.”

He also recalled Tami’s words from the previous afternoon: “I feel like I shouldn’t be happy and healthy, like I don’t deserve to have a good time.”

It dawned on Joey that he was every bit as guilty of ignorance as his mates were, perhaps more.

All the time he’d grappled with his emotional burden, Chris had been staggering under the weight of his own load.

They might not have suffered in the same manner—but they suffered all the same.

Sinking his head into his hands one more time, curling his fingers in his hair, Chris bemoaned, “I’m sorry, Joey. I know I screwed up in every way possible, and I’ll understand if you never forgive me. Just, please…please don’t hate me. And please don’t think I didn’t care about you or Sheri, because that couldn’t be farther from the truth. If anything, I cared too much.”

Joey responded straight off. “I forgive you, Chris.”

This brought up Chris’s head with a sharp jolt. Incredulity and hope mingled in the man’s face and voice as he dared to ask, “You—you do?”

“I do,” said Joey, and meant it with all his heart. “Believe it or not, I’ve missed you, too.”

“Really?”

“Sure, I was plenty sore at you for the longest time. But I never stopped caring about you.”

At first, Chris just sat there; the look on his face reminded Joey of a drowning soul who’d miraculously obtained a lifeline. Then the dam shattered, and this time Chris initiated the hug. Joey gave a little gasp, then relaxed in a second.

The twosome held each other long and hard, the tears flowing without restraint. Realizing how long it had been since they’d had physical contact like this made Joey tighten his grip. The embrace lasted a good five minutes, and when it finally ended, both men took their sweet time letting go, their hands sliding gently along each other’s shoulders and forearms.

When Chris found his voice, he said thickly, “Thank you, Joey. Thank you so much. I feel a world of better now.”

“Me too,” Joey said, using the front of his shirt to mop up his eyes.

“I’ll make it up to you, brother. I promise.”

“You’ve convinced me.”

Chris sighed, this time in deep relief. “I wish we’d talked sooner, done a better job at getting through to each other.”

“Well, like they say, no better time than the present.”

“I wish I could go back and redo certain things, especially where Sheri is involved.” Chris lifted a hand to rub the base of his neck. “I honestly didn’t mean to flip out at first sight. That was pretty stupid of me.”

“Can’t say I blame you,” Joey admitted. “That was a pretty nasty shock, even for me. You never know how you’re going to react to someone or something until you see it up close.”

“I wonder if I could still talk to her and make a fresh start with her. I hope she forgives me.”

“If you really want to see her, there’s still a little time. I know it will mean the world to her.”

Chris managed a small smile. “I admire you, Joey. I’m as surprised as anyone at how attached you’ve become to Sheri so quickly. The way you make honest time for her, despite what you’re going through personally—it’s truly remarkable.”

“How can I do anything else?”

Clasping Joey’s shoulder, Chris continued, “And I’m truly sorry about what’s happening to her, too. It’s a terrible thing and doesn’t make the least bit of sense.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Joey affirmed. “Don’t know if it will ever make sense to me. Sheri doesn’t act like she knows everything, and she doesn’t demand all the answers, either. She only does what she believes she must do. No denials. No complaints. No pleas. No fuss.”

“She sounds so brave,” said Chris wistfully.

“So much braver than I feel, that’s for sure.”

They sat in silence for another good while. At length, Chris yawned and kneaded his lids, and Joey couldn’t stifle a yawn of his own.

“What time is it?” Joey asked as he dragged both hands over his face.

“A little after four.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I know, man. Amazing how time flies. Sorry, that was a poor choice of words.”

“No, it’s okay. Might as well try to catch a little more sleep; we’ll need it.”

Right when they got to their feet, Chris touched Joey’s shoulder once more and asked him earnestly, “You sure you forgive me?”

Joey nodded. “I’m sure. In fact, I owe you an apology myself; I should have been more sensitive to your feelings. Guess I got too wrapped up in myself and Sheri to consider what you or anyone else were going through.” He paused, then added sheepishly, “And, I’ll confess, aside from wanting to spend as much time with Sheri as possible, I also did this to get back at you.”

With a dry chuckle, Chris said, “I think it’s safe to say we’re even now.”

Joey squeezed his mate’s hand. “From now on, we’ll both make a more conscious effort to be more sensitive to each other’s feelings. What do you say?”

For the first time that night, for the first time in weeks, a true smile spread over Chris’s face and lit up his eyes, and he answered with open enthusiasm, “It’s a deal.”

 

---

 

“Can I eat breakfast with you?”

Looking up, Joey swallowed what he already had in his mouth before answering, “Suit yourself, J.” 

Tentatively, Justin eased into the spare chair with his own food. He and Joey were the only ones in the room; Lance and Chris had already eaten and JC had left earlier that morning. For once, Joey opted to hang around the condo, at least for now.

As Justin sat there, he couldn’t help staring at the way Joey cleaned his plate. At one point, Joey asked him, “What’s the matter? You’ve seen me eat before.” 

“Yeah,” Justin said, shaking his head, “but not that much in one sitting, and definitely not that fast. Not since you’ve been sick, anyway.”

Reaching for another piece of toast, Joey said, “Well, today’s one of those better days for my stomach. Might as well take advantage of it.” 

Justin waited until he’d added milk and sugar to his coffee and taken a sip before he spoke again. “So…how have you been, man?”

Joey shrugged. “Mm, can’t complain. Not too much, anyway.” 

“How’s Sheri?”

“She’s doing all right, all things considered.”

Very softly, Justin said, “I’m glad to see you this morning, Joe. I don’t get to see much of you anymore.”

“I’ll admit, it’s kind of nice to be here for a change.”

“Much as you may not believe it, I’ve missed you.”

“I believe you. And I could say the same about you. Whatever happened to the good old days?”

Justin started to lift his mug to his lips, but changed his mind. With a morose sigh, he said, “Since we’re both here, I might as well come out and apologize right now.”

Joey lowered his fork. “Apologize for what?” He already knew the answer, of course, but he still wanted to hear Justin say it.

“I know I’ve been a lousy friend these days, from the day you got cancer.” Justin shook his head. “I’m really sorry, Joey. As sorry as I’ve ever been about anything in my life.”

“Glad to see your conscience is still in business.” Joey hadn’t meant to let that slip, but Justin shrugged it off.

“I swear, dude, I didn’t mean to lose touch with you. I guess I didn’t know what else to do or say.”

With a hint of bluntness, Joey informed him, “You could have at least told me, ‘I don’t know what to say.’ That would have been so much better than the silent treatment. And sometimes you don’t have to do anything aside from just being there.”

With his head bowed to his chest, Justin replied in his humblest tone, “You’re right. You’re right about everything, Joe, and I can only hope that we can start over and be friends again.”

In spite of himself, Joey had to smile. “Sure, we can,” he said, which brought a smile to Justin’s face also.

“That’s awesome to know,” Justin said as he toyed with his food. “It’s bad enough that we’re facing cancer right now; I don’t want to face the end of our brotherly bond, too.”

“Cancer sucks, all right,” said Joey between bites of scrambled egg. “At the very least, I’m nearly halfway there already.”

“Good for you. I know people with cancer do get well; I only hope you’re one of the lucky ones.”

“Thanks. I hope for the same. I would hate to have gone through all this horror and torture for nothing.”

Justin hesitated for a long moment, then said slowly, “And…erm…I’m sorry about Sheri. I know she’s your friend and all, and it doesn’t seem right that something like this should happen to her.”

“Whether or not we deem it right makes no difference,” Joey said, but without malice. “Only God can take it from here.”

“She sounds like a truly extraordinary girl.”

“She is.”

“I don’t think I could be half as brave as her, were I in her shoes.”

“I don’t think I could, either.” Joey sighed. “It’s enough to crush anyone. In Sheri’s case, I think she just focuses on those little reasons to go on living, to hold on a little bit longer. She does her share of grieving, but she also views death as a spiritual process. She told me it’s easier to endure the bad when you know there’s something good at the end of it.”

“I’ve always believed in heaven,” said Justin, shifting in his chair, “but every now and then—like right now—I find myself wondering if such a place truly exists. I mean, the idea of total oblivion, of just being gone when you go…” He trailed off, as if unable or unwilling to finish.

Joey nodded and murmured, “I see what you mean, man. I wonder the same thing, and I can’t begin to describe how much it terrifies me.” He paused, then added in a whisper, “But when I’m with Sheri, somehow I’m not so scared anymore. Yeah, I’m still afraid for her and for myself…but something helps to modify that fear. I look into the Bible, too, and that also helps.”

After a minute’s pause, Justin dared to ask, “Do you think Sheri…would you say she meets the…you know…criteria for getting into heaven?”

To this, Joey could only say, “If she doesn’t make it into heaven, who will?”

Another good while passed in pensive silence. When Justin spoke again, he said, “You and Sheri make for an amazing pair, Joe. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Thank you,” Joey said.

Gazing at the table, Justin went on contritely, “I’m sorry I wasn’t friendlier toward her at the beginning. Looking back, I feel like bagging my head.”

“You can still give her another try. I know she’ll be more than willing.”

“It’s worth a shot.” Looking up once more, Justin asked with a hopeful smile, “Hey, if you’re not doing much else today, what do you say we go out somewhere after breakfast? Just you and me? For old times’ sake?”

Joey smiled back and nodded wholeheartedly. “Sounds good to me!”  

 

---

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Elton John!”

Sheri cheered as wildly as the rest of the crowd as Sir Elton strode onto the stage; Joey was afraid the girl would tumble right out of her wheelchair. At the same time, the undiluted excitement on the girl’s face pleased him to no end. 

If anything could gratify Joey more, it was seeing Chris and Justin along with Lance, Tami, and Ann. Justin had been kind enough to sit with Tami, who kept her eyes more on him than on Sir Elton, and Chris sat quite contentedly on Sheri’s other side.

If only JC had been there, everything would have been perfect. 

Though Joey tried not to think too much about JC tonight, a part of him couldn’t stop wondering how much longer it would take—or what it would take—to bring JC around. While he and JC had stumbled upon each other a few times that week, they were never together for more than a minute, and neither of them said anything—if only because Joey had no idea what to say or how to say it. Even without words, JC’s face sported the oddest expressions, as if he seesawed between wanting to cry and wanting to maul something.

At least Chris and Justin were doing better, and maybe that much would have to suffice. 

Even now, Joey wasn’t sure just how comfortable his mates were around Sheri, but they behaved as agreeably as anyone could hope for. Sheri, naturally, treated both Justin and Chris as if nothing unpleasant ever came about in the first place. Chris had even volunteered to chauffeur the whole gang to Sir Elton’s show, and when they reached the amphitheater, Justin guided Sheri’s wheelchair through the crazy throng and made sure she was good and comfortable before joining Tami.

They had been too late for front-row seats, but they’d managed to nab third-row, so they could still see and hear the entire performance as well as anybody. Even had they been stuck at the very back of the stadium, Sheri wouldn’t have cared. She listened raptly to “Your Song,” “Tiny Dancer,” and “Candle in the Wind,” and sang her heart out to “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart,” “Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting,” and “Crocodile Rock.” Lance, Justin, Chris, and Tami joined in, and Joey couldn’t resist adding his voice, too. Even Ann mouthed a few lyrics here and there. 

Joey had idolized Sir Elton for years; he was as intimate with the man’s songs as with his own. Yet, somehow, tonight’s songs spoke to him in a way they never had before. Seeing Sir Elton under the colored lights, seeing how much heart and soul the man poured into his piano as well as his singing, also took on a new meaning. Joey couldn’t explain it, but there was no denying the difference.

As Sir Elton played his final song for that evening, Joey felt an unexpected sting in his eyes and throat, and as he glanced sideways at Sheri, he sensed this song fit them both to a tee: 

“I can’t light no more of your darkness.
All my pictures
Seem to fade to black and white.

I’m growing tired,
And time stands still before me.
Frozen here
On the ladder of my life. 

“Too late
To save myself from falling.
I took a chance,
And changed your way of life.
But you misread
My meaning when I met you;
Closed the door,
And left me blinded by the light.

“Don’t let the sun go down on me.
Although I searched myself,
It’s always someone else I see.
I’d just allow a fragment of your life
To wander free,
But losing everything
Is like the sun going down on me.

“I can’t find
Oh, the right romantic line;
But see me once,
And see the way I feel.
Don’t discard me
Just because you think I mean you harm.
But these cuts I have,
Oh, they need love to help them heal.

“Don’t let the sun go down on me.
Although I searched myself,
It’s always someone else I see.
I’d just allow a fragment of your life
To wander free,
But losing everything
Is like the sun going down on me.

“Don’t let the sun go down on me.
Although I searched myself,
It’s always someone else I see.
I’d just allow a fragment of your life
To wander free,
But losing everything
Is like the sun going down on me.”

When it was finally over, and the gang was sitting in the peace and quiet of a doughnut shop with fresh doughnuts and steaming chocolate, Sheri’s spirits continued to ride high, even as she slouched in her wheelchair, held one hand to her throat, and said in a husky voice, “I may never talk properly again after this.”

“I may never hear properly again after this,” said Chris dryly as he massaged his ears. “And I thought our fans had unmatched lung capacity.” 

“Well, it was for a worthy cause,” Lance said, holding his Styrofoam cup high above the table. “Here’s to Sir Elton, one of the most amazing, gifted men who ever lived or will ever live again.”

“Hear, hear,” said Justin, raising his own cup and bumping it against Lance’s. 

Holding up his doughnut, Chris added with an authentic smile, “And here’s to Sheri, without whom this evening wouldn’t be possible.”

Everyone readily lifted their doughnuts in unison while Sheri blushed furiously all over. 

Joey never would have believed a doughnut could taste so divine. His cup of chocolate also felt wonderful against his hands, which felt cold for some strange reason.

Much as he dreaded the end of this night, he looked forward to getting home and crashing in bed. He wouldn’t admit it to the others, but he was dead tired; it took almost everything he had just to sit upright in that booth. He was also grateful that someone else would be the designated driver because he knew there was no way he could handle a car tonight.

On the way to the parking lot, Joey made such a serious stumble that Lance had to grab him to save him from the pavement. Only Chris saw this happen, and he asked anxiously, “Are you okay, Joey?”

“I’m fine,” Joey muttered, thinking at the same time, Man, this chemo stuff really reduces you to a wet mop.

Once he was settled in the van, he tilted his seat as far back as he could, and he was only half-aware of Sheri and her family getting out. He heard Tami ask, “Is he okay?” 

“The night must have taken a lot out of him,” said Justin. “I know I’m bushed.”

“Me too,” said Sheri between heavy yawns. “I’m definitely gonna sleep well tonight.”

When Joey was alone with his mates, he asked, “Why is it so cold in here, guys?”

“The AC’s barely on, Joe,” said Lance, sounding puzzled.

“Well, turn it off. I’m freezing.”

“How can you be?” asked Justin in thorough bewilderment. “I’m working up a sweat over here!”

“Are you okay?” Chris asked again.

Joey closed his eyes. His throat seemed on fire, and his head felt as if someone were bashing it continually with a hammer.

“Joey?” Chris’s voice sounded like it came from the end of a long tunnel.

“Joey?” Now Lance sounded scared.

Joey felt a hand on his face, and he heard Chris cry out, “Guys, he’s burning up!”

“Oh, no!” Lance wailed. 

Justin urged, “We gotta get him to the hospital right now! Give her the gas, Chris!”

The word “hospital” got a definite reaction from Joey. He stirred in his seat and moaned, with his eyes half-open, “No, guys, wait…”

But Chris was already shifting gears, and as he put on as much speed as was deemed legal, he said, “Sorry, buddy; no can do!”  

 

---

 

“You made it just in time, Joey,” Dr. Delaney said. “It’s always important to keep an eye out for signs of infection and to get help right away. For people undergoing cancer treatment, when their white blood cell count is low and their immune system isn’t one hundred percent, it becomes even more crucial.” To Joey’s mates, he added, “That was smart thinking on your part, boys. Real smart.” 

Chris said hoarsely, “It wasn’t hard to tell that something was wrong. When I touched Joey’s face and felt how hot he was, I knew we had to bring him here.”

Dr. Delaney nodded in approval. “All the more reason to act promptly, because a fever is often the first red flag.” 

“Will he be okay?” asked Lance in a voice even huskier than Chris’s.

“How long will he have to stay here?” added Justin.

Raking his fingers through his dark, disheveled hair, Dr. Delaney replied softly, “We’d better keep him here for at least one more day, to play it safe, and he should most definitely take it easy for the next week or so. I’ll prescribe a special antibiotic, too. Other than that, I don’t expect any surprises. Bringing him in here as quickly as you did also comes in his favor; like I said, the sooner you seek help for these things, the better.”

All this time, Joey stayed quiet. He lay in his new hospital bed with the stance and liveliness of a sodden rag, gazing at the wall on his right side without seeing it. He felt the most unpleasant sense of déjà vu sweep over him like a tidal wave.

As if this weren’t demoralizing enough, JC’s sharp voice kept ringing in his ears: “What would you do if something happened to you? What if you caught something or did something that put you in the ER in two seconds? What then?”

Joey closed his eyes. When JC found out about this—it was only a matter of time, beyond a doubt—he would never let Joey live it down.

Though Joey was well aware of the risks he’d been taking lately, he still dreaded being cooped up in this place, still loathed with a passion the constant reminders of his own poor health. How long ago it seemed when he could go wherever or do whatever without feeling like a china doll amid a horde of elephants. Now here he was, just as JC predicted, and his carelessness would surely be rubbed further in his face.

Joey buried his face in his hands, unable to repress a small groan. He heard Dr. Delaney’s footsteps leave the room, and he waited for the other guys to say something. When no one said anything for a good while, he slowly dared to take his hands away and open his eyes.

Lance stood at the big window, leaning against the thick glass with one arm just above his head. He had his other hand shoved in the rear pocket of his black jeans, and of course it was impossible to read his expression with his back turned.

Justin stood at the wall on Joey’s left. His eyes were closed and his head tilted backward against the wall; he looked dead on his feet.

As for Chris, he half-sat in one of the overstuffed chairs near the base of the bed. His legs were spread out at odd angles, and the hand that didn’t hide his face dangled listlessly over the armrest.

It seemed like hours before anyone broke the unsettling silence. It was Lance who broke it first. Without turning his head, he said, “Boy, talk about a close shave.”

“Too close for my liking,” Chris muttered with his hand still covering his eyes. “We should never have done this, guys. We should never have gone to that concert.”

“Too late for that now,” Justin countered.

Joey said dully, “Concert or no concert, it was probably just a matter of time, anyway. We all know how open I am to pretty much anything these days. Even a common cold poses a greater threat than it used to.”

Now Chris looked up and straightened his posture a little. With a subtle but definite edge to his voice, he said, “You should have said something earlier, Joey.”

“And miss out on that special night with Sheri?” Joey shook his head. “I don’t think so, man. You know that was Elton John’s only night in this city, and we would never have gotten this opportunity again.”

Chris shook his head. “You can’t keep playing this game, dude. You might not be so lucky next time.”

“We all knew the risk we were taking, Chris,” said Lance, now turning his head just enough to face the older man properly. “Joey wasn’t any more vulnerable at the concert than he would have been anywhere else.”

“There were a lot more people at that concert, Lance, and so the risk was much greater,” Chris said tersely. “You know that as well as anyone.”

Lance had no response to this other than a deep, disconsolate sigh, and he turned away again.

At length, Justin opened his eyes and said, “With luck, this will only be a fluke.”

“I hope so, too,” said Joey, “because there are still several things I need to do for Sheri while she’s still here.” 

“Oh, no, you don’t, mister,” Chris interjected, rising taller in his seat. “You’ve done plenty on Sheri Cooper’s behalf already. More than plenty.”

“Half her bucket list is already checked off,” Justin said. “That’s good enough, don’t you think?” 

Joey shook his head harder and insisted, “Not to me, it isn’t.”

Chris’s eyes narrowed and his lips pressed into a pencil-thin line. “You must be crazy.”

Joey shot back, “You know what? Maybe I am crazy, Chris. What I’m doing may not be the smart thing to do—but it is the right thing to do.”

“You really mean to go through with this,” said Lance, looking over his shoulder once more.

“Until the very end. Don’t bother trying to change my mind, because it’s already made up.” Joey braced himself for Chris’s comeback.

For a moment, Chris looked ready to deliver some very choice words. But then he just sighed, a long, weary sigh that seemed to stem from his rubber soles, and he flopped back against the chair. This time, he put his face in both hands, and he ran his hands up and down a fair number of times before raking them through his brown spikes and dropping them in his lap. When he spoke, he said more calmly, though an edge still lingered, “Okay, Joey. If that’s how it’s gonna be, that’s how it’s gonna be. But for the record, I do not approve.”

“I don’t expect you to,” Joey replied quietly. 

Chris nibbled his lip, then added in a softer, more pleading tone, “Just…just watch out for yourself, will you? I don’t want you going anywhere anytime soon.”

“I’ll second that,” said Justin as he pushed himself off the wall.

“And I’ll third that,” Lance chimed in.

“I will,” Joey answered, even as he wondered just how well he would be able to keep such a promise.

 

---

 

Joey spent most of that day sleeping, though it was a fitful sleep and so he hardly got any real rest.

At one point, he woke up to hear Lance talking on the phone. He could gather from what Lance was saying and from snippets of the other voice that JC was at the other end. Joey kept his eyes closed, though his heart beat a mile a second while he listened.

“JC, it’s fine,” Lance said, and Joey knew he was making a great effort not to talk too loudly. “It’s just a slight fever. The doctors are able to treat it with no problem. Really, it’s okay.”

JC shouted something that Joey couldn’t make out, though the phrase “what were you thinking” was distinct enough, and Lance countered, “Well, it could have happened anywhere at any time. And Chris and Justin and I were right there with him. So don’t go biting our heads off. What do you want us to do, anyway? Keep Joey under twenty-four-seven lock and key?”

Now Joey’s ear caught “Sheri” in JC’s rant, which brought a surge of heat to his face that he knew had no connections with the fever. Though Lance still strove to maintain an indoor voice, there was no mistaking his anger when he said, “Don’t you dare bring Sheri into this, Joshua Scott Chasez. She has nothing to do with this, whatsoever. Don’t even think about pointing any fingers at her.”

Then JC must have uttered something particularly crude because Lance said dryly, “I hope for your sake, mister, you don’t kiss your mother with that mouth.”

“JC, it’s Chris,” Chris broke in, which told Joey that Chris had snatched the phone from Lance’s hand. “Here’s a bright idea for you. Why don’t you make like a Thanksgiving turkey and stuff it? If you’re just going to talk crap about Sheri, then shut your mouth; otherwise, I’ll shut it for you. And so help me, if you say one word to Joey the next time you see him, if you so much as look at him weird, he won’t be the only one with a hospital bill. Understand?”

Then Justin said briskly, “We’ll see you tomorrow, JC. That’ll give you at least twenty-four hours to cool off and learn to act like a normal, sensible man. Goodbye.”

Joey heard a tiny blip that signified the end of the conversation, and then he heard Chris grouse, “Sheez, what’s this guy’s problem? Why is he making this out to be Sheri’s fault?”

“I’ve never heard him so angry,” said Lance, sounding truly baffled. “Whatever he’s got against Sheri, he’s really got it.”

Justin added, “I never knew him to be this hostile toward anyone, least of all a fan.”

“I can’t believe he’s still so hung up on her coming into Joey’s room and trying to make friends with him,” Chris protested. “I mean, seriously, how big of a deal can you make a scenario like that? Yeah, that was a pretty bold move on Sheri’s part—but that’s no reason to treat her like a criminal, is it?”

“Or maybe it’s more than that,” said Lance after a brief pause.

“What do you mean?” Justin asked.

“You know how he implied to Joey that other time that Sheri could possibly be taking advantage of him?”

“How could he think that?” demanded Chris. “Sure, I’ve seen that kind of thing happen before, loads of times. I’ve heard stories right and left. But why would JC be so quick to assume that Sheri’s just like them?”

“Beats me,” Lance said. “Still, I’ve a hunch that there’s more to JC’s attitude toward that girl than he’s letting on. A whole lot more.”

Justin made a half-laugh. “If that’s the case, fat chance of him admitting it to our faces.”

“Yeah,” said Chris sardonically, “it will require major surgery to get whatever he’s holding inside out.”

It was all Joey could do to not pull his pillow over his head. As grateful as he was to have most of his mates on his side, especially Chris and Justin, JC’s unwarranted antagonism toward Sheri made zero sense, and Joey found himself as frustrated and disheartened as he had ever been.

What was JC’s problem? What could Sheri have done to make him hate her so? Was he truly that hung up on her innocent breach of protocol that first day? Or was Lance’s assumption correct and there was more to the story? The more Joey thought about it, the more he realized that last scenario had to be the case. Surely JC was keeping something from them, and he was either unwilling or unable to bring it to light.

This was one of those times when the power of mind-reading would be particularly useful.

Just when Joey was about to drift off to sleep again, Lance’s ringtone sounded once more. When Lance answered, he said in authentic surprise, “Tami?”

The name jolted Joey like an electric shock. He almost sat up and stole the phone away, but he continued to lie still—though it took a paramount effort to do so.

Lance didn’t speak with Tami for long, but it didn’t take a genius to know that something serious was going on. When Lance hung up, Justin asked, “What’s up, Lance?”

“Everything all right?” Chris solicited.

“Turns out Joey wasn’t the only one who dodged a bullet.” Lance’s voice was low and grave. “Sheri’s not doing so well herself today.”

Joey felt a cold, hard knot in his stomach.

“Is it…bad?” Chris’s voice wavered on that last word.

“Bad enough. I could tell Tami had been crying, and it sounds like Ann’s pretty frazzled, too.”

“Oh, no.”

“Oh, man, how are we gonna tell Joey?” Justin asked.

“We’ll worry about that when he wakes up,” Lance said. “No sense in adding to the stress right now.”

No one said any more after that, though Joey still heard a few sighs and moans.

With his eyes yet closed, Joey flipped through his mental calendar. He remembered Sheri saying that the remainder of her life consisted of three or four months. With a sinking heart, he realized more than two months had passed already.

Time was running out. While Joey had always known that fact from the start, it became a little more real and more stark with each day. After all, in the words of Tami, every day meant one day less.

Sometimes Joey wished it was already over, for Sheri’s family’s sake as much as hers, and then he would just as quickly retract such a wish.

Because when it was over, there would be no going back.

 

---

 

Joey came back with the guys and spent the following week at the condo without complaint. He spent the bulk of that time in his room, partly to avoid germs, partly to avoid JC. While Lance, Chris and Justin all saw to it that JC wouldn’t give Joey any grief, JC, surprisingly, left Joey alone anyhow. Not a single word was said about Joey’s crisis; in fact, JC didn’t come anywhere near Joey at all. Although Joey appreciated the peace and quiet, JC’s aloofness unnerved him, too. He would almost rather have the man bawling him out.

Throughout the week, Joey ate whatever he could keep down and took his antibiotic exactly as Dr. Delaney prescribed it. The antibiotic worked well enough, but Joey couldn’t stop thinking of his body as a chemical waste establishment.

He also talked to Sheri on his cell every day, and to Tami and Ann whenever possible. Tami spoke with him about as frequently as her sister did; he suspected the poor girl came to him for company, because Ann was almost always with Sheri, and Sheri had to take it nice and easy, too. Lance, Chris and Justin were nice enough to chat with the girls on a regular basis as well, and Chris once assured Ann, “Don’t worry about your phone bill. We’ve got you covered.”

Sheri, as always, never raised any fuss about her predicament, and showed far more concern for Joey’s wellbeing than her own. She even cracked jokes; more than once, Joey honestly could not keep from laughing. Still, his heart was heavy, knowing what was coming. He also knew, despite the other guys’ objections, despite the high risk it presented to him, that he just had to help the girl complete her bucket list. He kept that list on his bedside table, and he studied it over and over until he could recite the whole thing in his sleep.

“Sing in a public place” was the next entry. Joey decided to aim for a place that was smaller, with not quite so many people. To his amazement, Chris—of all people—helped him pin down such a place: a quaint little café with good food, a family-friendly atmosphere, a renowned band, and best of all, there was a hospital just down the street.

“I must be out of my mind,” Chris said, “but if it means that much to you, Joe, then how can I refuse? And if it makes Sheri happy, so much the better.”

Joey smiled. “If I didn’t know better, Christopher, I’d say you’ve gone soft.” 

Chris must have gone red from head to toe then and there, but his only response was, “Guilty as charged.”

As soon as Joey and Sheri were both in a suitable position, they found themselves tucked away in a cozy little booth with Sheri’s family and three quarters of Joey’s company. Looking around, Joey had to admit this was a nice place—simple, but with a touch of class, and with just enough people so that it didn’t feel overcrowded. Their booth faced the stage almost directly, and Sheri knew just the song she wanted to perform that evening. 

“Just you wait until you hear her voice,” Joey informed his mates while they polished off their dinner. “She will blow your socks off.”

“Oh, really?” said Justin with one eyebrow cocked above the other. 

“Yes, really. In fact, I bet you ten bucks that she gets a standing ovation.”

“Only ten bucks?” said Lance in mock indignation. “Oh, come, now, Joey! Be a gentleman and make it twenty.” 

“Make it fifty,” Justin insisted.

“One hundred!” Chris announced, whipping out a fresh hundred-dollar bill on the spot and slapping it in the dead center of their table. 

“I’m so flattered,” said Sheri with a giggle. “Never dreamed the guys of ‘N Sync would want to hear me, let alone lay wagers on me!”

Joey guided her to the stage, and she took a moment to introduce herself to the audience. Though she never said outright that she was dying, anyone could tell just how she fared from the sight of her wheelchair, her blanket, her oversized hat and jacket, and her sickly, sallow complexion. For all that, the girl sat as tall in her wheelchair as she could, and as the band played and she sang her song, Joey knew he was hearing the voice of an angel: 

“And now the end is near,
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I’ll say it clear;
I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain.
I’ve lived a life that’s full,
I traveled each and every highway,
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

“Regrets, I’ve had a few,
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.
I planned each charted course,
Each careful step along the byway,
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

“Yes, there were times I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all
And I stood tall
And did it my way.

“I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried,
I’ve had my fill, my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.
To think I did all that,
And may I say, not in a shy way,
‘Oh no, oh no, not me,
I did it my way.’

“For what is a man?
What has he got?
If not himself,
Then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels,
The record shows
I took the blows
And did it my way!

“Yes, it was my way!” 

Sure enough, the girl got a standing ovation, and Joey applauded and cheered as enthusiastically as the rest, not even caring about the tears running down his cheeks. Sheri made a little bow in her chair and blew a kiss to the crowd, and when Joey came to lead her off the stage, he took a moment to hug her first—long and hard.

At the booth, both Ann and Tami were positively bawling, and even Joey’s mates had to use several napkins. Sheri readily embraced her mother and sister, who clung to her like they had no intention of letting her go.

When things had quieted down somewhat, Lance raved, “Holy cow, Sheri; that was incredible!”

“Absolutely astounding,” said Chris.

Justin nodded vigorously. “You should have totally gotten a record deal a long time ago.”

Joey said nothing, not having any words, and not trusting himself to speak even if he did.

“I think we know who wins this bet,” Chris said, pushing the hundred dollars in Joey’s direction. “And dessert’s on me, gang!”

At one point, Joey slipped away to use the restroom. Just as he was coming out the door again, he very narrowly avoided a collision with another person.

“Whoa! Whoa, excuse me! I didn’t see you—” His apology died on his lips when he looked the other guy fully in the face and saw JC staring back at him.

 

---

 

“Hey, Joey.” JC’s voice was quiet, his expression the mellowest Joey had seen in ages.

“What are you doing here?” The words were out of Joey’s mouth before he could stop them, and came out just a trifle sharper than he meant them to.

“To see you.”

“Do the other guys know you’re here?”

“No. I followed you here in my own car and sat at my own table.”

“So you saw and heard everything?”

“I saw and heard enough.”

A long, awkward pause lingered between the two men, with Joey at a complete loss of what to say or do. He wanted to hug JC about as badly as he wanted to cream him, wanted to tell him how much he missed him and hated being estranged from him even as the verbal attack of a lifetime hovered on his tongue.

JC ended up speaking first, and he said as softly as ever, “Can I talk to you in private for a minute?”

“Okay.” Joey might not have been as inclined were he not already feeling so sentimental from Sheri’s gig, or had he not already patched things up with Chris and Justin. 

“Mind if we take this outside? I don’t want Sheri to see me yet, and I definitely don’t want to take the chance of the other guys seeing me. No telling what Lance or Chris would do if they got their hands on me.”

Joey’s legs carried him outside virtually of their own accord. He followed JC to one of the outdoor tables; luckily for them, the outdoor section was deserted, and they were far enough away from the busy street so that they could hear each other with little trouble. Joey sat across from JC, but even after they were both seated, at least five minutes went by before JC spoke. “That was an outstanding performance Sheri gave tonight.” 

“It sure was.”

“I never knew the girl could sing like that.” 

Joey almost had to bite his tongue to keep from saying, “There’s so much you don’t know about the girl. You don’t know anything about her at all.” Instead, he said, “Frank Sinatra would be glowing green with envy.”

JC drummed his fingers on the white Formica, then asked, somewhat apprehensively, “Are you…um…doing all right?” 

“As all right as can be expected.”

JC closed his eyes, took a slow breath and just as slowly let it out before going on, “I know what you must think of me, Joey, and I know I owe you a long overdue explanation.” 

Again, Joey had to hold back a malicious retort. “Explain,” he said coolly as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “I’m all ears.”

JC ran both hands upward over his face and all the way through his sleek brown hair. Joey thought of what Chris had said earlier, about JC needing surgery to get whatever what was inside him out of him. However tongue-in-cheek that comment might have been at the time, Joey sensed Chris hadn’t been far off the mark. JC began with, “First of all, man, you’ll want to know why I steered clear of you in the hospital, especially when you were getting your treatment.” 

“Is it because you despise hospitals and you view needles as an unearthly abomination?”

“Well…yeah, that much is true enough.” JC paused, and then added in a voice almost too soft for Joey’s ears, “But mostly it was you.” 

“Me?” This caught Joey off his guard. “What do you mean by that?”

JC’s head and shoulders drooped. His handsome face screwed up tight for a moment before relaxing into the most woeful expression Joey had ever seen. The man’s voice matched his face to a tee when he said, “To see you go through that hell…to stand by all that time, wondering what torture was next and knowing there was nothing, absolutely nothing I could do about it…” He shook his head, and Joey thought he might dissolve into a sticky puddle where he sat. “I couldn’t bear it. I simply could not stand by and watch those people hurt you.” 

Moved to no small degree at this disclosure, Joey replied gently, “It didn’t hurt that much, JC. At least, the chemo itself didn’t hurt, only made me sick as a dog. Even then, all that stuff was meant to help me in the long run. And those people never did any worse than what their jobs called for.”

“I know that.” JC shook his head again and pinched the bridge of his nose. “But I swear, if I’d been there, if I’d seen those guys stick anything into you, I’d have taken them out with my bare hands in a heartbeat. I’d have taken the whole place apart, piece by piece.” 

Even hearing it with his own ears, Joey could hardly believe it—and yet, recalling all the times JC demonstrated the signs of pure fury, he believed it.

“I hate your cancer, Joey,” JC went on fervently. “I’m telling you, I hate it. Just the word by itself leaves the most awful taste in my mouth.” 

So does the word “dying.”

“I always expected such a thing to happen to other people, but not you. It’s screwed up everything for you, for all of us.” 

I’m sorry I screwed up everything for you, JC.

“I never felt so helpless in all my life, and I hated every single minute of it.”

So did I.

“Then Sheri came into the picture…which brings me to the second explanation I owe you.”

“Yeah, I wondered about that, too,” said Joey, unable to help sounding a bit snide. “I wondered for the longest time what Sheri could have possibly done to make you hate her guts.”

That brought JC’s head up with a snap. “I never hated her,” he protested, sounding truly astonished and hurt at the accusation.

With a faint snort, Joey shot back, “Well, you never went out of your way to be friendly, either, did you? You even told me to my face that she could be a phony, for all the world knew.”

JC flinched, and it was another minute or two before he could speak again. “I know what I said. I said a lot of things I didn’t mean—and even if I did mean them, I regret them all the same.”

Joey sensed JC’s regret was genuine, but he wasn’t about to let him off the hook just like that. “So, what was your beef with the girl? Besides her dropping in on us unannounced?”

“I was jealous, okay?” Now JC’s eyes glittered with unmistakable tears, marking one of the precious few times Joey saw him cry.

“Jealous?” Joey furrowed his brow in disbelief. “Why?”

Wiping at his eyes, JC responded thickly, “I didn’t think that a girl who knew you for only a few weeks could know you half as well as we did, or know what was good for you. Even if she was a devoted fan, I didn’t see how she could truly understand you or how you could have hit it off with her in such a short period of time.”

“Well, she has cancer, too,” Joey said after another uncomfortable pause, “and that was something not even you or the other guys could relate to or understand.”

“I know that, too. Still, it came as a very personal blow.” JC sighed. “And I guess I also saw your interactions with her as an implication that you’d soon end up in the same position as her. That you’d leave us in the same way.”

Taken even further aback at this, were such a thing possible, Joey whispered, “I’m not Sheri, JC.”

“I know you’re not. In my head, I know I can’t judge your situation by hers. But in my heart…” JC trailed off, as if he didn’t have the words, or else he couldn’t properly express them.

Either way, Joey understood what JC meant to say, and he felt his grudge toward his brother and business partner begin to thaw, in spite of himself. “I had no idea you were feeling those things, man,” he said at length. “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”

With another deep sigh, JC murmured, “There was never a good time to tell you. I didn’t really know how to go about it the right way anyway, and what would have been the point? But as long as I’m in confession mode right now, I might as well tell you everything else.”

“There’s more?”

“I never mentioned this to anyone, but seeing you with Sheri brought back some pretty painful memories for me.”

“How so?”

JC was silent for such a long time that Joey thought he would never answer. Then JC did speak, summoning the words from what must have been a truly deep, dark place inside him. “Years back, before I met you and the guys, I had a cousin named Lisa.”

“Lisa?”

“One of my most favorite cousins at that.” JC’s voice took on a special warmth. “She and I were inseparable as kids; I came to think of her more as my sister. We did everything together. We went to the same school, all the way up to junior high. We even had our birthdays on the same day.”

Knowing where this story was going, Joey was afraid to ask, “What happened to her?”

“Just before high school, she got very sick. Not cancer, but a bad enough illness in its own way.” JC closed his eyes as he fought to keep his emotions in check. “It was a rough time for her, for me, for all of our family and friends, to say the least. Most of her girlfriends went cold turkey on her, and the boys had next to nothing to do with her. All except one.”

“Who was that?”

Once again, JC took his sweet time to dole out details while his index finger drew abstract designs on the table. “His name was Jake. Nice kid, or so he appeared. Good looks, good student, good standing amongst his peers—”

“Every girl’s dream boy,” Joey said with a slight nod.

“Everything a girl could want, and more besides. You’d think Lisa would be the last girl he’d look toward, but to the amazement of all, he went after her and stuck to her like glue. For about a year, everything was great. Lisa’s folks weren’t too thrilled, nor were mine. I had a few misgivings of my own, of course, but seeing how happy Lisa was with Jake—the happiest she had been in a long time—I went along with it.”

Again detecting an unpleasant turn of events, Joey asked slowly, “So…what came of it?”

JC’s face darkened, and his tone turned acidic. “Then one day, without warning, Jake simply went AWOL. The visits, the phone calls, everything stopped altogether. Jake never showed a shred of interest in Lisa again; he didn’t even acknowledge her when she was right in front of him. Turned out he was only using her all along.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. I learned the facts for myself. And I don’t need to tell you the effect this had on Lisa, but you can figure it out.”

Hearing about Jake reminded Joey of the story of Sheri’s dad, and he found himself saying, “That was cold, man.”

“You think?” One of JC’s hands balled into a rock-rigid fist, which he slammed against the table with considerable force. “Taking advantage of any girl is bad enough, but to take advantage of a sick girl, a sick, lonely girl led to believe that he actually cared about her—I can’t even begin to tell you the things I wanted to do to that jerk, no matter what the legal consequences.”

Joey waited until JC had calmed down a little before asking him, “So what became of Lisa in the long run?”

“Eventually she got better—from her sickness, that is—for a while.”

“Just for a while?”

“She died about a month before she was to have graduated. Almost our entire school turned up for her funeral. Jake knew about the funeral, I know he did. Even then, that little dirtbag didn’t have the decency to show his face. There was nothing from him at all—no calls, no handwritten messages, not even a flower.”

It was as if an iron claw had caught hold of Joey’s heart and wouldn’t let go. “That’s awful,” he could barely whisper.

“Downright sickening, that’s what it is. You can bet your bottom dollar I never forgot it, or forgave it. Even after all these years, I have a tough time thinking about it.”

So that explains JC’s judgmental attitude toward Sheri. Aloud, Joey said, “So you assumed Sheri would hurt me in the same way?”

Even in the dimming light, the sorrow and shame on JC’s face was striking. In an exceptionally small voice, he rejoined, “I didn’t mean to. Not at first, anyway.” He bent his head to his chest. “I suppose a part of me took it out on her because I couldn’t get even with Jake. I had no way of knowing how trustworthy this girl was, and as much as I hate to say it, I wasn’t too inclined to find out. It seemed we already had enough on our plates without having to deal with someone else. You were already suffering enough, and with Sheri, from the way I saw it, you were only setting yourself up to get hurt even more.”

“Oh, I see,” was the only rational response Joey could find.

“Then, of course, I had a great deal of time to think these days. I thought about what you and the other guys said about Sheri, about your sheer dedication to her, and I saw her tonight for myself.” JC paused to draw a rattling breath before continuing. “And now I realize that I’ve made a huge mistake, possibly the worst mistake I could ever make in my life.”

Yes, you have, Joey wanted to say, but couldn’t.

JC closed his eyes, wiped them again, and swallowed what must have been an excruciating lump in his throat before looking up once more. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, Joey. I don’t expect Sheri to want anything to do with me. All I want is for you to see things from my perspective…and at least try to understand.”

Joey said nothing.

“Believe me, Joe, I know I’ve acted like a total blockhead these last few months, and if there was some way I could take it all back, I would. I really would.”

Just when Joey was opening his mouth, he heard Chris and Lance’s voices, calling anxiously for him. That was all it took for JC to jump to his feet, and he left Joey at the table with a distracted, “I’ll see you later.”

Joey watched his companion head down the street at a brisk pace, as if a ghost were trailing him.

“Joey!” Chris’s voice cried again.

“Joey, where are you?” Lance hollered.

Without moving from that spot, Joey called back, “I’m here.”

In a flash, the two were at his side, looking scared, relieved, and peeved at the same time. “Joey—there you are!” said Chris with an enormous sigh. “You had us looking all over the place for you!”

“What are you doing out here?” asked Lance.

“Just felt the need for some fresh air,” Joey mumbled.

“Well, next time, would you please tell us you’re going out before you sneak out?” Chris demanded. “Don’t scare us like that!” 

“Sorry.”

The guys must have sensed that something weighed very much on Joey’s mind and heart, because their expressions quickly softened and Chris asked more gently, “Hey, you all right, man?”

“What’s up?” Lance queried.

“Oh, the usual,” Joey told them, thinking at the same time, Just my whole world crashing down on every side of me.

 

---

 

It wasn’t until after they took Sheri and her family home that Joey shared JC’s story with the others. He told the story just after Chris pulled into the big parking lot, and all three guys listened in stunned silence. More than one tear was wiped away, and when Joey was finished, Lance could barely whisper, “Oh, wow. That’s one of the saddest stories I ever heard.”

“That sure explains a lot,” said Justin huskily. “Now everything about JC and how he’s been these days makes perfect sense.” 

“I had no idea,” said Chris, ducking his head in shame. “Oh, man…do I owe JC a big-time apology.”

“So do I,” said Lance.

Joey told them softly, “Just be nice to him when you see him, okay?”

When they reached their condo, they found JC sitting alone in the living room. The TV was on, but he shut it off the moment he saw them and got to his feet. He regarded the four guys warily, almost fearfully, like he expected them to pounce on him all at once.

“Hi, JC,” said Lance, trying to sound as friendly as possible while keeping it natural.

“Hi.” JC’s voice was almost inaudible.

“You still up?” Chris asked benevolently. “Aren’t you tired?”

JC blinked, then replied slowly, “Dead tired. But I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight.”

“I know the feeling,” said Justin with a small smile. “It’s like every part of your body is made of solid lead, but your brain refuses to cooperate.”

Chris and Lance both chuckled at that, and Joey had to smile somewhat as he said, “I can attest to that.”

JC kept his emotion-filled gaze on Joey, who knew what he was thinking and what he was trying to say.

“Joey…”

Before anyone could react, Joey had crossed the room and engulfed JC in a hug. There were no words; Joey simply clung to JC like he wasn’t in a hurry to let him go. JC’s whole frame was ramrod-straight at first, and then went totally slack. Slowly, his own arms found their way around Joey and folded him in as well.

One by one, the others joined them, until all five men were tangled in one big group hug. They stayed like that for a good five minutes or so, and when they did release each other and step back, Chris suggested to JC, “What do you say to a round of hot chocolate?”

Lance added, “And there are still some peanut butter cookies leftover from yesterday’s batch.”

“All right,” JC agreed.

“If the rest of you don’t mind,” said Joey, stretching his arms, “I think I’ll go ahead and hit the hay now.”

“You okay?” Justin asked.

“Just wiped. Actually, I feel kind of bad for all those times I made fun of JC’s hobby of sleeping. You can bet I have a whole new appreciation for that hobby now.”

This made everyone laugh a little, and Chris said, “All right, suit yourself. Lance and I will join you later.”

“Goodnight, Joey,” said Lance.

“Night.”

Joey slept like a rock as soon as his head hit his pillow, and when he woke in the morning, neither Chris nor Lance were in bed. Judging from their smooth coverlets and impeccably arranged pillows, it was impossible to tell whether they had been to bed at all. After a quick shower and change of clothes, Joey trooped into the kitchen to discover all four guys at the table, eating and talking and appearing amazingly chipper. Everyone turned their heads at Joey’s approach, and JC said brightly, “Hey, Joey, just in time for breakfast!”

“Saved you a seat,” said Chris, pulling out a chair.

“Saved you some coffee, too,” said Justin, pointing over his shoulder at the coffeepot.

“And you get your choice of cereals,” said Lance with a grand gesture toward three different boxes.

As Joey joined them, he inquired, “What are you four up to?”

“What makes you think we’re up to something?” Chris asked, appearing every bit the picture of innocence.

“Something’s up with you. I know it.”

Chris looked to the others. “Should we tell him, men?”

“Tell me what?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said JC, pinching his chin. “I don’t trust that big mouth of his.”

By now, curiosity was eating Joey alive. “What?” he demanded. “Come on, guys, don’t leave me in suspense!”

“You sure you want to know?” said Justin with one eyebrow in a lofty arch.

Joey scowled. “Dang it, Justin! If you don’t tell me right now, I’m gonna burst all over the place, and all of you will be responsible for cleaning up the mess.”

Chris laughed and held up his hands in mock surrender. “Okay, okay! We’ll talk, partly because we don’t want to have to face such an awful mess, and partly because we need your help anyhow.”

“Need my help with what?”

“Come to think of it,” said Lance, “we’ll also need Tami’s help for this, and her mom’s, too.”

“This has to do with Sheri, doesn’t it?” Joey said it more as a statement than anything else.

“Man, we can never fool you,” said Justin with a light punch to Joey’s shoulder.

JC cleared his throat and took on a more businesslike air. “Here’s the thing, Joey. The guys and I had a little private discussion last night—”

“Talked well into the night,” Chris cut in.

“—and we’ve come up with a brilliant plan. Something that will not only make Sheri happy but also make up for the way we’d treated her at the beginning.”

“What’s the plan?”

When they told him, Joey’s jaw all but hit the table, his heart filled to overflowing, and the only sensible words he could give voice to were, “Guys, I love you!”

 

---

 

It took several days, and the guys must have made a thousand phone calls apiece, but their big plan would prove well worth the time and effort. Lance was right about needing Sheri’s sister and mother to truly pull this off, and both women rose to the occasion magnificently. Tami once told Joey gleefully over the phone, “So far, so good; Sheri doesn’t suspect a thing!”

And Ann couldn’t contain her emotions as she said, “This will mean the whole world to my baby girl.”

On the day of their grand scheme, JC and Chris went on ahead, and Joey, Justin and Lance used their special van to shuttle Sheri and her family. When the drive lasted well over an hour, Sheri had to ask, “Where are we going, anyway?”

“That’s for us to know and for you to find out when we get there,” Justin said, grinning shrewdly at the girl’s reflection in the rearview mirror.

Joey, who sat next to Justin, turned his face toward Sheri as he informed her, “Don’t want the surprise to end prematurely, do we?”

She insisted, “If you tell me, I’ll still act surprised.”

Lance shook his head and mimed zipping his lip. “Sorry, sweetie, but every occupant of this vehicle is sworn to secrecy.”

“Including you?” Sheri asked her family.

Her mom just smiled, and Tami held up both hands with a don’t-look-at-me expression on her face.

Joey said, “In the words of Willy Wonka, ‘Patience, patience, little dear. Everything has to be in order.’”

Sheri stuck out her lower lip and crossed both arms over her skimpy chest with a loud, “Hmmph!” But, of course, Joey knew she wasn’t the least bit angry. He could see it in her eyes, in the smile that broke onto her face in five seconds. Even now, that smile never lost its charm, by any degree; it would be one of the things about her he would remember best.

Sheri’s expression soon became one of wide-eyed, openmouthed wonder as a magnificent seashore came into view. Sparkling white sand and the majestic blue-gray ocean spread in either direction for as far as the eye could see. Several gulls could be spotted flying together in a broad circle. Justin pulled up in front of an elegant, state-of-the-art beach house, with bright wooden siding and enormous glass panels. The expansive windows provided the perfect view of the ocean, and a colorful flagstone path led up to the front door.

Even after the engine was cut, it was a full minute or so before Sheri could speak, and then the girl could hardly sputter, “What is this?”

“This is all yours, Sheri Cooper,” Joey proudly announced. “For two whole weeks!”

“All for me?”

“And your mom, and your sister, too,” Justin said. “Of course, we could never leave them out.”

“Are you sure it’s big enough?” Tami asked.

“To accommodate all of us,” said Lance with an impish wink, “if you don’t mind our company.”

“Do you like it, Sher?” Joey asked, already knowing the answer.

“Like it? I love it!” Sheri swiped futilely at her eyes. “Oh, you guys, I…I don’t know what to say!”

Lance gave her shoulder an amiable squeeze. “You don’t have to say anything, sweetie. I think we get the picture.”

“You said you wanted to see the ocean, up close and personal,” said Joey. “So we decided to make it as up close and personal as possible.”

“I’d almost forgotten how beautiful the ocean is,” Ann said as she gazed dreamily out her window. “So few of God’s creations can compare.”

“It is gorgeous,” said Tami with a sigh. “None of the pictures I’ve seen come anywhere close to this.”

At length, Joey unbuckled his seatbelt and said, “Well, ladies, shall we proceed?”

Sheri countered, “Heck, if it wasn’t for this wheelchair, I’d be out of this car faster than you can fire a bullet!”

They all laughed, but they still took their sweet time getting to the door, partly because Sheri wanted to look at the ocean for as long as she could; Joey wouldn’t have been at all surprised if she’d spent the rest of that day—or the rest of that week—watching the waves, and he wouldn’t have blamed her, either. Sure, he’d seen the ocean plenty of times and admired it as well as anyone. But here, now, it took on a new, almost hallowed meaning.

With Sheri by his side, with everything that had transpired these last few months, it was like he was experiencing everything he’d grown so used to seeing, hearing, and having around for the very first time.

No sooner had they gotten through the door than a chorus of voices rang out, “SURPRISE!”

Sheri just about hit the ceiling.

The entire living room, which was already stunning by itself, was gorgeously (but not garishly) decorated, and there to greet her were Chris, JC, and at least fifteen other people. Not just any people, either, but Sheri’s old friends. Two or three stood off to the side, looking like they would really rather not be there, but the majority of the crowd appeared genuinely thrilled to see Sheri. They swarmed around her like bees around a flower, taking turns hugging her, touching her, and gushing about how good it was to see her and how long it had been. Tears mingled with the laughter, Sheri’s face all but glowed even as she bawled her eyes out, and Joey felt thoroughly satisfied.

He took one look at his four mates as they stood by, and knew what they were all thinking: “Mission accomplished!”

 

---

 

The days passed quickly, one day blending into another like the hues of a sunset. Joey grew quite fond of Sheri’s buddies, a few of whom had known her since first grade. One pretty, dark-haired girl, by name of Caitlin Rentmeister, wore the old rainbow-beaded bracelet Sheri had made for her when they were kids. Sheri once told her, “I can’t believe you still have that old thing after all this time.”

Caitlin only smiled and fingered the plastic beads like a rosary as she answered, “I just never found the heart to throw it away.”

At another point, Bryan Pearman, a tall, lanky young man with wavy brown hair and square glasses, shared half a package of Twinkies with Sheri. “To pay you back for sharing your Twinkies with me,” he said with a wink.

“Gee, Bryan, it was only a Twinkie from the fourth grade.”

“And I never forgot it. Heck, I can still taste that roast beef sandwich you split with me, too. Your mom always made the best sandwiches.”

“Her mom should totally go into the food industry,” Joey couldn’t resist putting in.

“I’ll vouch for Ann’s culinary talent, too,” said Lance.

Ann said nothing, but her face was like an overripe strawberry, even as a smile reached from ear to ear.

Some of Sheri’s friends stayed only for a day, others a few days. Joey wasn’t surprised that those who were the least enthusiastic about being here were the first to leave; he didn’t want to judge them unfairly, but they still put a painful knot in his stomach and a sour taste in his mouth. A couple of them seemed to genuinely regret having to go, and Joey knew that they truly would have stayed longer if they could.

However, more than half of the gang stayed for the entire two weeks, including Bryan and Caitlin, and Sheri was never seen without one or two companions besides her family. Some of the people certainly took advantage of spending exclusive time with the members of *NSYNC.

Indoors, they watched a good number of movies, all Sheri’s favorites. She was a huge fan of Disney and old westerns, and she would watch pretty much any movie featuring Marilyn Monroe or Johnny Depp.

They also played frequent rounds of cards and board games. Sheri proved a champion at Scrabble and Old Maid, and she wiped the floor with all five *NSYNC guys in checkers. Even when she and Chris played ten rounds of checkers in a row, she trounced him every time, and only Tami could rival her sister’s victorious streak.

Sometimes they held singing and dancing competitions, for the pure fun of it. Some of Sheri’s mates could dole out some impressive notes and decent steps, while others were so terrible that Joey had to enjoy them anyway. Joey’s mates were an especial hit with their renditions of famous numbers from old musicals, including “Singin’ in the Rain,” “You’re the One That I Want,” “My Little Buttercup,” and “Gee, I Wish I Was Back in the Army.”

Outdoors (and the weather cooperated with them ninety-nine percent of the time), Sheri relaxed on the silky sand in the shade of a big umbrella, and Ann, Joey, and a couple of others took turns staying with her while everyone else swam, snorkeled, and walked and played on the beach.

At all times, there was all the food they could eat, and a host of fascinating stories. More than once, the entire group stayed up as late as three in the morning, talking and laughing their heads off. Joey learned an incredible deal about Sheri and what she was like in her younger years; he learned of things she’d said and done that he would never have suspected her capable of, and yet the stories cracked him up anyway.

One of his favorites was about the time Sheri and Tami ate lunch at a popular burger joint with Caitlin and another guy named Dean Fisher, an attractive African-American with a buzz cut. Dean had bet Sheri twenty-five dollars she couldn’t finish her lunch (two double cheeseburgers, a heap of fries, and a whopping ice cream dessert they called “the kitchen sink challenge”), and when it looked like Sheri might win the bet, Dean changed it to fifty dollars, plus the tab for everyone else, if Sheri could eat everything in five minutes or less.

“So what happened?” asked Justin.

“Let me guess,” said Joey. “Sheri came out on top.”

“Bingo,” said Sheri. “I got a free lunch, and I came home with fifty bucks in my pocket and the stomachache of a lifetime.”

“Oh, no!” Lance exclaimed, laughing.

“Where she managed to put it all remains a mystery to this day,” said Tami. “I’m telling you, I don’t think I could have handled that kitchen sink challenge, and I was usually the one who ate the most!”

Ann added, “When the girls got home, Sheri all but passed out on the living room floor and stayed there for three hours straight. She didn’t even get up for dinner, and I can’t say I felt too sympathetic.”

“And how did you feel about it, Dean?” JC asked.

Dean responded with a shrug, “I’m over it now, obviously. But, man, was I a sore loser then. I was supposed to use those fifty bucks to take another girl out later that night, and we ended up watching football at her place and eating microwaved popcorn.”

“Nothing wrong with a date like that,” said Chris.

“Sure, but it was at least a week before Sheri was back on speaking terms with me. And you can bet that was the last bet I ever made with her.”

“For that matter,” Caitlin put in, “we all learned never to place bets with Sheri Cooper, because she’d win. I don’t know how she did it, but that’s the way it went, nine times out of ten!”

Sheri only smiled cheekily and rejoined, “Not everyone has the gift, Caitlin.”

 

---