I'm browsing FYE in Boston near the TD Garden and I'm on the phone, paying more attention to my conversation than my surroundings. "No way!" I reply, softly laughing. 

"Yeah, but I swear I saw him!"

"Girl, you're crazy."

"No, seriously."

I begin walking down the aisle to find an album I have yet to get my hands on and bump into someone as my friend gabs away. My phone drops out of my hand and the case pops off, allowing the backing and battery to detach from the rest of it. I'm annoyed at best. "You should w-" I begin to snap, looking up at the person's visage and stopping when I recognize them. 

He bends down and grabs the four pieces of my phone, reassembling it quickly. He turns it on and holds it out for me to take, my mind blank on how to react. "I'm sorry, I should've been watching where I was going."

I blink and shake my head, nervously chuckling. "Um," I try to talk and can't seem to get any words to escape my mouth. 

"Are you going to take your phone?" he asks me.  I stare for a few seconds, the only thing snapping me out of it is when it plays my daughter's ringtone and he almost drops it. He picked up by accident and hit the speaker button.

"Momma?"

I shake my head and blink. "Aaliyah."

"When are you coming home?"

"Monday, you know that."

"But, momma," she whines. 

"No, you've known about this for a few months and it's the first time I've been away more than a day from you three."

"Don't be surprised if you come home and the boys have gotten injured somehow then."

"Why?"

"They are annoyin' me!"

"Stop it. I'll be home Monday by the time you guys get home."

"Mooooommmmmmaaaaa," she whines again. 

"Monday. Love you. Bye."

I take my phone and hang it up, holding it in front of me. "Sorry about bumping into you."

"It's okay, really." I'm just gonna brush it off.  My friend I had been talking to calls back and I pick up.

 "Bitch! You hung me!"

"No, I bumped into someone and my phone came apart."

"Yeah, right. Who?"

"A leo from Maryland."

"Where you at?"

"FYE."

"Be there in five!" she informs me, disconnecting the call and I look at my cell funny. 

He laughs at the face I just made and I raise my eyebrow when I look at him. "What?" I ask. 

"Your face."

"Party's here, bitches!" my friend yells, scaring the shit outta the poor guy and I laugh when he gets ready to run. He looks at me confused and I properly greet her, smiles growing on our faces.

"You just scared the shit outta him," I tell her. 

"Meh, happens. Hi, I'm Deven and her name is Elise." She offers him her hand and I try not to laugh as he awkwardly takes her hand in his.

 
The three of us walk out of the record store and down the road. "What about you, ladies? Single? Taken?"

"Happily divorced with three kids, all around their teen years," I supply, obviously lacking a filter. I mentally punch myself in the face, hard, five times. 

"Single," Deven replies at the same moment, mine drowning hers out. She fires me a look telling me to shut the fuck up and she realizes I have absolutely NO filter between my brain and mouth. "Elise," she hisses. 

"Sorry."

He just watches this exchange go on as she and I subconsciously walk toward the subway to get to our hotel, laughing as we reach the platform. "What's so funny?" she demands, a warning glance in her amber eyes. 

"How you two are-you're loud and out there and she lacks a filter, but is reserved. It's kind of like me and Justin."

"Well, I know she's had a crush on you for like a quarter of century, so it makes sense."

Now it's my turn to fire off the death glare. "Ixnay on the fucking upistay, itchbay," I growl, looking behind him. 

"Just like us," he laughs. The way we are reminds him of his best friend since the early nineties, she and I having only been friends for nearly a decade. She stuck by me through thick and thin which includes my disastrous divorce that I had to fight to keep everything I do have. She's been helping me raise my kids since the youngest was three and a half and he will be thirteen in a couple months. Their father was a dick and dragged my name through the mud, but I had more proof that I'm a better mom than he could ever be a father for them. He had been so rude to the judge, he had approved my divorce during the first court date and made sure I had gotten everything I requested plus alimony for the first five years and the alimony and child support are taken straight out of his paycheck prior to him seeing it.

Before you even consider that I did it just to have money, I do work for a place called Tyco and it's a 40-47 hour a week job that has decent pay.   

Deven flops belly first onto her bed in our room, propping her head up with her hands and flips her long dirty blonde hair over her shoulders. She watches JC sit on my bed, my eyes wide and we have a conversation with our eyes and facial expressions. She mouths for me to do it. I've been divorced for six years, afraid to attempt a relationship with anyone. I turn my back to him and he grabs me from behind, yanking me onto the bed with him. He quickly falls back, my body landing on his and I tilt my head back to see Deven who happens to be smiling like she's entirely innocent when it couldn't be farther from the truth. "Bitch."

"You love me, Lisey," she playfully retorts, batting her eyelashes at me. 

JC laughs, holding me a little tighter. "What now?"

"I swear, you and Deven are just female versions of me and Justin."

"Fuck you," she and I chorus, my attention refocused on JC. He kisses the back of my shoulder.

"You, gladly, but Deven isn't my type."

I glance at her, giggling a moment later and he looks at her expression. Her mouth is wide open and he buries his face in my hair, his body shaking with silent laughter. "I see how it is! Do you always go for the moms with teenagers?" she retorts, a shocked look coming across my face. 

"Deven Leah!" I scold her. 

"No, I go for women with reserved attitudes who spend more time taking in things around them than I do the overly extroverted women," he corrects her, teasing her in a 'just so you know' tone.

He swings a leg over my hip, turning me onto my back and straddling me in one fluid motion to look into my eyes. "Women like you, Elise." He kisses my cheek and I blush, heavily. 

"She does blush!"

"Fuck off, Deven," I growl. 

"In almost a decade, this is the first time I've ever seen you blush, Beatrice!" she defends. 

"Huh?" JC questions, befuddled. 

"It's how we've called each other and said 'bitch' since my kids were little cuz they went through a phase where they repeated EVERYTHING an adult said," I explain. 

He nods, understanding what we mean. "My niece is in that phase now."

"You have a niece?" I inquire. 

"Yes, Tyler has a daughter with his fiancé. He's getting married next year. You do know who Tyler is, right?"

"He's your little brother, I believe."

He nods, smiling down at me. "Are you two gonna get it on or what?" Deven always has to ruin moments like this. I sigh.

"You had one job, Deven."

"When do I ever do my job?"

We've been goofing off and laughing, smoking a joint in the process. He laughs at how red Elise becomes when I bring up taking her 13 year old daughter clothes shopping. "Elise, it's okay. My sister did the same thing to my parents and trust me, I waited till I was 16 before I even had a girlfriend."

"I was 11 when I had my first boyfriend, he had a terrible stutter and was so sweet."

"How long were you with him?"

"Five years and then he had to move, so we lost contact." I look at JC, curious. "You're horribly nosy."

He shrugs. "Helps me understand people around me better than if I don't ask these questions."

I'm silent because this just may be her next serious relationship; I can see plain as day that he's intrigued by her and she genuinely likes him for who he is as a person. She peeks in the room at the clock. "We should start getting ready to go."

"I forgot to ask," he begins, Elise cutting him off. 

"We came to see Cavo, 12 Stones and Thornley on the Rockin' Road Trip Tour, I won the backstage passes."

"Really? I flew out to check em out, I've got backstage all access passes because I'm friends with Sean and Scott Anderson's cousin's friend's sister's boyfriend and he got them for me."

She releases a huff air through her nose, blowing a strand of hair out of her face. "Show off."

"I shelled out a couple grand for three and my brother and his fiancé couldn't make it, my niece got sick."

He has my attention. "What are you saying?" I implore. 

"Would you ladies, especially you, Elise, like to have the other two passes?"

We begin shrieking and jumping and hugging each other, Elise stopping for some reason. "And what do you expect in return?" she demands to know, hands on her hips. 

"For the both of you to stay with me through the show and just have fun."

She smiles. "Gladly."

"I could only get three passes," he adds, "because Framing Hanley's manager doesn't like me much."

"Oh! JC Chasez has to be limited?" she reacts, becoming extremely playful. 

"Yeah, I do sometimes."

"Why Boston?"

"I missed the kick off in LA and I wanted to see them before they hit New York. I was in Atlanta with the group, Girl Radical, and they were finishing up with recording their album."

Holy shit can they gab! They've been talking a hundred miles a minute since we were leaving the hotel and the whole way here, making me think they forgot I'm even with them. "Deven, I'm sorry for being rude," JC finally acknowledges me. 

"I blame Elise," I inform him, both of them turning to look at me and I give her a 'kiss my ass, beatrice' face. 

"Oooohhh, you're now deciding on working my last nerve?" she fires back. 

"Whoa! Chill out! Does this always happen?" JC interjects, essentially ending our mini squabble. 

"No, it's the first time," I confess. 

"I'm sorry, Deven. I should be paying attention to you, too." Elise hugs me and we kiss each other's cheeks. 

"Don't get all lovey dovey, now," he jokes, laughing. 

"JC! You made it!" a man yells, causing us to let go of one another and all three of us to whip around instantly. 

"Scott! What's up?" he greets the other man, giving him a handshake with a huge grin. 

"Just playing this venue tonight," he answers, his arms outstretched. "Who are these lovely ladies?" he ponders aloud, flirting with us. 

JC envelopes Elise, who blushes and turns into his chest immediately. "This is Elise and the other beauty is Deven, I met them today. It's actually kind of funny," he quickly explains. 

"Is Elise your girl?"

"No, we just met and she's kind of shy, I suppose you could say."

"I didn't catch your name," I interrupt, wanting attention from something other than my own twisted mind.

Elise is actually very intelligent, random and intriguing. She's been asking limitless questions about how the backstage is set up and handled, curious about the whole process for the performers and has coolly met most of the bands playing tonight. She ran directly into Megan McCauley, purely by accident and began a conversation to get to know her for who she is like she had done to me. The two of them are laughing, Megan's manager calling her and she leaves after trading off numbers by switching phones, giving the phone back to the proper owner.

Elise has my eye because of the woman she is; mysterious, intelligent and thirsting for knowledge. She might be a woman I'd be willing to chance a long distance relationship with, considering I haven't been in a relationship at all in more than a decade and according to Deven, neither has Elise since her youngest was seven.

I've been texting Deven the whole time we've been here once she had gone to talk alone with Scott Anderson. 'Is she always shy or does something like excitement force her from her shell?' I send Deven. 

'If she really likes that person enough for one reason or many, she is initially shy and then she takes a deep breath to find her way into a conversation with them. Why?' she fires back, less than two minutes later. 

'She literally walked into Megan McCauley and once she apologized, engrossed her in a conversation until her manager told her to get onstage for a run through.'

'Lol. Elise for you, she did the same thing to me when an ex mutual friend brought me to her house and introed me to her kids. The rest is history bc we've been inseparable since and we both been through hell and back together, helping each other through every moment of it. I know I wouldn't change anything.'

Elise rests her head on my leg, having placed a pillow there a second ago. I lower my cell and look at her, her expression happy as she stares off into space. "Elise?"

Elise has a deep amber almost black color hair streaked with black, blue and scarlet, her green eyes a beautiful contrast and her hair color makes them pop with a brighter shade of emerald. "Yeah?" she replies, shaking her head for a moment. 

"Comfy?"

"Yes, but that's not what you wanted an answer for." She does read people as good as Deven told me.

"Do regret anything you went through with Deven?"

"No, it made us stronger, smarter and closer; shows we were raised to be fighters and that we can ALWAYS count on each other for everything."

I raise my phone off my lap, texting her best friend. 'She doesn't regret any of it, either. Just asked her.'

"Why?"

 "Curious."

She smiles as I place my hand on the arm rest of the couch we've taken over backstage. "Is this what it was like when you were performing?"

I just look in her eyes, confusion written all over my face. I guess you could say that I'm surprised she didn't specifically ask about my solo, *NSYNC or MMC days and just generalized it into performing. "Most days, yeah, but after the interviews and meet and greets and sound check and rehearsals."

"Surprised about how I worded it?" This woman can read my mind, it's kind of creepy. 

"What gave you THAT impression?"

She gives me a face that calls my bluff. "The look on your face screamed 'wow, she generalized that and didn't ask about each one individually'," she informs me. 

"So you do know about my previous exposure to this?"

"I've had a crush on you since '92, so of course I do."

"I was a year into that show by then."

"I started watching it that year."

We have first row tickets because they bought theirs nearly five months ago and mine are through a friend, both of them enjoying themselves. They're singing along with every song they know, heads bopping in rhythm with the beat and Elise pulls me to my feet, silently asking me to hold her while Cavo plays they're old song 'My Little Secret' two bands into the show. I can hear her singing with the band; her voice is pretty, but not sickeningly perfect like most singers and that's attractive. "Can I be honest?" I quietly say in her ear, her body turning us both so we face each other and the stage is next to us. 

She smiles at me. "It's better than beginning a friendship and building it on lies," she replies in my ear, having looped her arm up to pull me down for her to do so. I turn my face to the side of her neck.

"I'd like to seriously get to know you, maybe hook up sometime or go out alone."

She pulls back, checking to see if I'm fucking with her, ensuring I'm legitimately serious. She purses her lips and pushes them to the side of her face, considering it. She nods, pulling my head to her again.

"Only if you're serious." I nod my head. "We will discuss this later on in more detail."

"You got it, Elise." I have the biggest smile and Scott gives me a thumbs up into a thumbs down signal; I fire back two thumbs up once I envelope her body with my arms. He smiles, mouthing congrats. We watch Since October and Framing Hanley play, Elise knowing every word to their songs. She laughs when they say something funny.

It's been three months and Deven and I are relaxing in the house my mom left me in her will when she passed a few months ago. It's a four bedroom home with a basement, storage room, laundry area, one car garage, back yard, patio, spacious living room and a decent sized bathroom. "So, when do we celebrate Chubba's birthday?"

"Saturday," I reply, smiling when I get a text from someone I've been talking to since the concert. "It's September 15."

"Nice. JC again?"

"For the first time today."

"It's nine in the morning!" she giggles. 

"All the kids are in school and we sat down ten minutes ago, so it's whatever," I justify, walking into the kitchen to get a drink of Welch's juice.

 
'Do you have plans this weekend?'

'My son's party is Saturday and his actual birthday is tomorrow.'

'Would it be alright if I visit?'

'I don't see why not. You'll have to deal with my kids trying to kill each other when you're here lol.'

'No problem. How old are they?'

'Thriteen, fifteen and seventeen.'

'All two yrs apart?'

'Yeah... My youngest son is Grahm, my daughter is Leilani and my oldest is Mickie.'

'The younger ones have unique names.'

'My oldest does as well. His full name Mikael and hates his name, so we've called him Mickie since he was around two.'

"Talk about speed texter," Deven comments, looking over my shoulder. 

"Jealous?" I tease her.

'Makes sense. Can I call you right now?'

'If you have time, sure.'

"He llllllliiiiiiiiiiikkkkkkkkeeeeeessssss you," she retorts, teasing me back and I blush. 

"So?"

"You're bluuuuushing!" she shouts, pointing at my face. 

My house phone rings and I pick it up. "Hello?"

"Hey, Elise. How's your morning?"

His voice is like heaven to me, I must admit. "Hey, you."

"It's JC, isn't it?" I wave her off, my face hot again. "It is! Roooooooommmmeeeeeoooooo!"

"Can it, Deven!"

He chuckles. "I get the same thing from Justin, among other people."

"You do?"

Deven is making kissing faces and noises, I swat at her and shove her. "Even my-"

"You're on the phone with that Elise again, huh?" someone teases him on the other line. 

"Shut up, Tyler!" he retorts.

"Sorry about that, it's just my little brother. So, what do you have planned?"

"For what?" I ask, confused. 

"For Grahm's party, of course."

"Oh, yeah. Just hanging around the house with some friends and a couple family members. Nothing too extravagant."

"Cake and ice cream?"

"What kid doesn't have that at their party?"

"I know a couple."

"Normal kids from families with tight budgets."

"True. I can bring some burgers and dogs, if you want."

Did he just offer to feed everyone? "You can, but you don't have to."

"I want to. Should I get him anything, like a gift?"

"No, he just wants our friends and family that have been around forever here."

My cell phone sounds like a dying Pac-Man and I grab it, finding out one of my cousins has to work that day. "What's on the agenda? For today, I mean?"

"I'm home until two fifteen, go to work, bust my tail from three this afternoon till half past one in the morning, come home, get stoned, eat and crash. That happens Monday through Thursday and Fridays are only from three till ten pm."

"Where do you work?"

"Tyco in Westminster, it's a good paying job."

"What do you do?"

"You know how you go into a store and you look at the ceiling?"

"Yeah?"

"The white things on the ceiling are photo sensors or heat sensors connected to sensor bases. A lot of schools also use our security systems and fire alarms. We're the fire and safety end of Tyco."

"Important job."

"Yeah, we assemble, test and pack them all ourselves from components."

He hmms about it. "Would you have a problem with me picking you up on Friday at work?"

"No?"

Why is he asking?

"Would Deven be able to drop you off?"

"She has to anyway."

"Perfect. Westminster, Massachusetts, right?"

"Yeah?"

"I wanted to take you out to dinner and talk, nothing more."

"Promise?"

"Promise, nothing more and no alcohol."

"Just to make sure nothing beyond that happens, huh?" I joke. 

"Pretty much. Would you be alright with that?"

"Don't see why I would. Have you ever been to my part?"

"No, I know how to get around Boston and Worcester, but not-what town did you say you live in again?"

"Fitchburg," I giggle.

"I can mapquest how to get there from Logan, I just need your address."

"Are you doing that now?"

"Yes."

"76 Walton Street."

"Is that a house or apartment building?"

"It's my mom's house."

"I've got the directions. Seems pretty straight forward."

"Until I drive you around town." Deven's watching my every move, smirking. I flip her off.

"Will you get me lost?"

"It's all in good fun."

Now it's Friday and I'm on my twenty minute break, barely at the tables outside when my cell rings, playing my all time favorite Cavo song. "Hey, what's up?"

"I see this beautiful woman sitting at the table by the stairs I'm descending and I wonder if that's the same emerald eyed one I met by chance three months ago," he rambles. I turn to face the steps, smiling at the man I've loved since I was a little girl. I hang up and get to my feet, hugging him.

"It's me alright."

"I thought I'd visit you now to make sure I could find this place alright."

"You found it. I'm released from my corner around ten and I have all weekend."

"Just so you know, Deven said something about me not staying in a hotel."

"Not when you visit me."

"Can I ask you something serious? I don't need or expect answer right off the bat."

"I suppose."

He takes a deep breath, leans back slightly and looks into my eyes.

"What do you think of long distance relationships?"

"They suck, but if the two people in them can make it work, somehow they work."

"Would you be willing to be in one with me?"

I search his eyes, checking how serious he could be and he's not even beginning to joke about this. "Let me think about it."

A woman in her early fifties walks by, smirking. "Is it time, Melinda?"

"Just about, Elise." Melinda has two daughters and three sons, remarried to Greg for fifteen years. She has short blonde hair in a short puffy style, light cocoa colored eyes, Caucasian, stands around five foot six, has glasses on her face and has been here for about ten years.

"Well, I've got to go back to my corner to solder heat detectors for day shift to encapsulate tomorrow."

"See you around ten?"

"Yes, just wait for me here," I agree, indicating the table I had been at when he called. 

"See you then," he softly tells me, hugging me again and this time, he presses a sweet kiss to my cheek. I smile and rapidly walk to catch up with Melinda, waving a quick good bye to JC.  

"Hey," I greet her, falling into step with her in the hallway. 

"Who was that man you were all huggy with?"

"A friend of mine," I simply respond, waving my badge over the small sensor pad by the door. I open the door for her and she thanks me.

"Looks like more than a friend to me."

"No, just friends." For now, you mean! My mind is reeling from his second to last question. Why would be ask that after only knowing each other for about three or four months? How long has he been considering this? 

I put nine heat detectors in the holder, take the solder in my left hand and the iron in my right once I check the power supply for the iron, exhaust fan and smog machine. I begin to solder and my supervisor comes over, checking my solder as I complete the set, leaving my corner satisfied. At the beginning of each shift, I plug in my cell and play the My Darkest Days channel that I've done for close to the past five years. I begin bopping my head to Framing Hanley among other bands that play on this iHeart radio station. Yes, I've been in the heat detector/encapsulation area by myself for a little over five years unless I'm needed to make photo sensors in the other part of GSA that's only a tiny hop, a half skip and a small jump from my corner. 

I zip through the remainder of my shift and I rapidly exit the building, clocked out right at ten. I find JC with his head on his arms, his forearms being used as pillows and asleep. I quietly walk up to him and rub his back. "Mmm?"

"I'm out," I tell him. He stands and stretches, hugging me as he steps over the bench.

"Ten already?"

"Come on, sleepy. I'll drive."

"No, it's alright. We have plans remember?"

"Oh, yeah."

He chuckles, letting me out of his embrace and keeps one arm on my shoulders as we walk to his car. "I thought you'd enjoy a restaurant near your house and then found out that the only one is Slattery's, it's across town."

"It's expensive."

"Don't expect it often," he teases me. 

"I'm a major homebody since the summer of 13."

"You don't go out much?" I shrug.

"Not really; 3 times in five years, including the concert."

"That's it in five years?"

"Yeah, that's it."

"What about vacations?"

"Does it count if I bring the kids?" I joke. 

"If it's not far from home, no."

"Then I guess not."

We pull into the parking lot of the restaurant, my navigation skills up to par after not having to do so in a few years. We had talked, joked and laughed the entire time. "This is Slattery's?" he inquires, confused. 

"It's always been kind of like a hole in the wall kind of place. Do you have a reservation?"

"No."

We walk in and I see my cousin, greeting her warmly. "Elise, how are the babies?"

"They're doing good, Annie." He chuckles.

"Who's this with you?"

I think back on ancient magazine articles, recalling his first name. "This is Josh, he's visiting for the weekend. He's going to be at Grahm's party as well."

"Where do you want to sit?"

"A quiet booth away from the rowdy people would be absolutely ideal."

She grabs two menus and expertly guides us to the best booth, both of us taking a side of it. It's a wrap around booth in the back, it's a window seat. "Here you go, flag me when you're ready to order."

"Will do."

"Was she named after the name in 'Smooth Criminal'?" he asks me. 

"Yes, her parents are MJ fans. Her initials are AJ; Annie Jackson."

"Anybody call her AJ?"

"Outside of work, I do and I'm one of the only ones. She's six months older than me; she's June 10 and I'm December 10."

"So, what year were you born?"

"1983, during a raging blizzard in Boston and three months early."

"You're a natural born survivor."

"And thrived with lots of love, knowledge and nutrients," I laugh. 

He chuckles. "Just out of pure curiosity, do you-"

~*~A Peek Into JC’s Thoughts~*~

Her phone rings and she holds up a digit, signaling me to hold my thought. "How nice of you to finally call me a week and a half later, dick!" she greets the caller. "So? I have three teens, work full time, run all errands that have to do with them, have time to hang out with-" she begins to ramble, stopping to listen to the caller. Her expression goes from an annoyed, angry one to one of complete excitement. "No way! Yeah! You're coming to Grahm's party tomorrow? You're in Leominster? Come to Slattery's! I'm here with a friend and just tell my AJ you're here to see me! Grahm's gonna be absolutely THRILLED to see you! Yeah! See you in ten!" She locks her cell, shoving it into her sweatshirt pocket and smiles at me. "You get to meet my friend Nick, he's near the old Jackie's."

"How long have you known this Nick?"

"I was like six or seven when we moved to Orlando and met Alex, he introed me to Nick. So, about 28 years and I got to visit him all over the world, he travels a lot."

I wait the ten minutes, no friend of hers comes in and I head for the bathroom. When I come back to the table, she's excitedly chattering with a guy and she laughs. He has blonde hair, is easily six feet tall and muscular. I take my seat, his back to me in the curved part of the booth and I clear my throat as she shoves him. She looks at me and smiles, blushing. "What's up this guy's ass?" a familiar voice comments. 

"Nick, this is Josh."

He turns to look at me and his jaw drops with mine, eliciting laughter from us. "What up, man? Long time, no see!" he properly greets me with a handshake hug.

"When she explained you, it didn't sound like you! I'm good!"

"So you're the poor sucker she's been telling me about?" he teases. 

"Nick!"

"Shelby!" he yells back.

"That's not funny!"

"AJ's cousin's," he comments, pointing at her. "Can we go through this AFTER Grahm's party?" she demands, her face going tomato red.

"What about AJ's cousin?" I question. 

"His cousin's favorite Shelby Cobra, she lost it and christened it when she was seventeen," Nick divulges to me, an evil grin plastered on his face. 

Her face is on the table, her arms over her head. "To who?"

"I swear if you DON'T shut the fuck up, I'm kicking your ass, Doogie!" she exclaims, muffled by the table and her arms. 

"Whatever, Boogie," he replies, "you'll just beat on me next time anyway." 

I'm confused, looking at them like they've lost their minds. "What the hell?"

"I started calling her 'Boogie' when we were 8 and 12, after Aaron had been calling her that since he was a toddler because he'd wiped his runny nose on her during a fit and said 'my boogie' and she calls me 'Doogie' ever since Angel mispronounced 'doggie', looking right at me. They stuck after that."

"Is that why you say 'Boog' or 'Boogie' when a camera gets close to you during award shows?"

They laugh and I'm still confused, a little less than a minute ago. "Yeah, that's why. Aaron does it, too. Even Kade and Tae do it."

"How are Mook and Gook?" she asks. 

"Big!"

"Aren't they teens?"

"Mook is 15 and Gook is 12 now, doing good in school and they're all driving up tomorrow morning at the ass crack of dawn."

"Pops is crazy," she laughs. 

"How's Gin?"

"She passed in May."

She drops her head and he envelopes her in his arms, rubbing her back. "I'm sorry, Boogie."

Elise's cousin walks over and looks at Nick. "That you, Doogie?"

"Sure is, Anenome."

"She just told you about Gin?"

"Yeah, sucks."

"She has the house and the car, Derky died a week later from a broken heart."

"Derky?" I demand. 

"Elise's mom got a blue front amazon parrot around the time she was learning to walk and talk, her mom let her name it. She pointed at it and said 'Derky', meaning birdy. They even had it in Florida while they lived there."

"I'm exhausted, Doogie. Show him the way to the house?"

"Of course, Boogie. Let me up so I can hug Anenome and we can go. Still on for nine?"

"Yes." He hugs her cousin AJ. Oh, yeah, her cousin is about five foot nine, dark brown hair and hazel eyes. She's skinny, but not a sick Paris Hilton skinny, a Britney 'Oops!' skinny. "Hop on, Boog, I'll carry you."

I notice she's dead tired and she does allow him to piggy back her to my rental, dropping her in the front seat. "Why is she so tired?"

"JC, she works 47 hour weeks, has three kids, one of them has Autism and ADHD, deals with the schools, meetings and everything else that goes into being a single mom while keeping some huge secrets. She's never once told anyone she knows me outside of Deven or her family. Deven, I met her a handful of times and I'm not sure she knows exactly who I am, but she's cool in my book."

"Doogie?" she calls him, half asleep from my passenger seat up front. Nick bends down and smiles at her, dropping his head between his arms to look in her face. "Boogie?"

"Lessgo."

"Let me finish talking to JC and we will get you home, Boog."

"MmmtayDoog."

I shoot him a very befuddled look, bringing a chuckle from him. "She said 'ok, Doog'."

"She's exhausted. Do you know how busy she was this week?"

"She had to plan for his party, count guests, plan for the food, still has a cake to make from scratch according to her grandma's recipe, a guest book, make sure she has all blank memory cards for her cameras, the music and still has to set up the party itself."

"We can help her out when we get there," I remark. 

"Yeah, don't see why not," Nick agrees. He removes his hands from the roof, presses a kiss to her temple like he would one of his siblings and closes the door. "Flick your hazards on and off when you're set to go."

We get there and Nick shows me to her bedroom, helping me get her into her spot on her queen size bed. We walk out of the room, his hands skillfully closing the door without waking her because she's always been a light sleeper he explains and we go into the kitchen. He immediately reaches into a cabinet above the fridge and pulls out an old blue Betty Crocker book, flipping to the middle of it, but can't find what he's searching for before pulling out other books and putting them on the kitchen table. He flips through them all except one and halfway through the binder, finds what he needs. He points at the page, reading the ingredients and checking if she has it all. I chance reading the name of this cake. "Ice cream cheesecake?"

"That's nothing compared to her improvised chocolate and neapolitan ones, those are a serious pain in the ass," he whispers back. 

"Where are the kids?"

"Miss Thang is with Deven in her room, Mickie is most likely with some friends and Grahm's probably with his cousin, AJ."

"Wasn't she at the restaurant?"

"Her girlfriend, Charlotte, took care of him while she worked tonight," he informs me like it's the most normal thing in life. 

"Girlfriend?"

"Yeah, AJ's a lesbian, always has been."

He looks at my expression and smirks. "A lesbian?"

"Hey, for a lesbian, she's a blast to hang with," he defends her, shrugging.  A small girl that looks exactly like Elise zombie walks past us, grumbling. "Hey, Lani," he greets her. She raises a hand and grumbles something along the lines of 'hey, Doogie'. 

"Why does Elise call her Aaliyah sometimes?" I whisper my query once the little girl has been upstairs for a few minutes. 

"She behaves like Aaliyah Haughton, reminds her of her best friend she lost in 01. After that, she fell further down the steep embankment of addiction than I had for nearly a year, already having been partying harder than me since 99. She stopped in mid 02 when she discovered she was pregnant with  Mickie."

"Wow. Did she quit cold turkey?"

"Everything, all at once; drinking, heavy drugs and marijuana. She's been clean of most of it for seventeen years."

"What do you mean by most?"

"She can tell you when she's ready, I'm teetering on that fine line of trust as is, man."

I don't like how he just dropped the subject, it makes me want to rethink wanting to get involved. The whole mom of teens thing, I'm fine with that. The whole divorced thing, I can deal with it. The used to be a drug addict and alcoholic issue... I don't know if I can put up with THAT.

I stretch, realizing I'm fully dressed and in my own bed alone. I could've had a cuddle buddy and that would've been fine by me. I realize it's daybreak and I go out onto the patio, smiling at the memory of refinishing it with Doogie and ma last summer, grabbing a glass of flavored water along the way. I sip it, leaning over the little bit of railing near the front of it and watch the sunset like I have every morning since May, appreciating life and what I do have. JC's question from last night plays in my mind again and I go inside, unsure if he actually stayed after meeting Doog. I notice a pair of huge feet hanging through the arm rest of my mom's couch, I know Doog spent the night like he occasionally does and round the corner to find JC asleep as well. I turn toward the kitchen sink and realize my counters, walls and cabinets are covered in baking items, the sink filled with dirty dishes. I take three small steps toward the table, spotting a note on the table in Doogie's chicken scratch. 'Sorry about the mess, Boog. Wake us up after you've had your water and a shower. JC and I will clean this up for you. -Doog'.

"Damn right I'm waking you two up," I grumble to myself. 

"What the fuck happened in here? How aren't you covered in this? Why are still in the clothes from yesterday?" Deven angrily rambles, hands on her hips and I point to the couch and love seat. 

"Ask Doog and JC; I didn't do it; they put me in bed." I grab two washcloths and dish towels, throw them at the two guys. "Doog, JC! Get your asses up and clean my destroyed kitchen! Pronto!" I scream, the items landing on their backs and they jump, sitting up. They have flour, sugar and who knows what else all over the front of their clothes. 

"What the hell?" Deven demands from them. 

"We had a food fight with some of the ice cream cheesecake stuff," Doog informs me. 

"I'm sorry," JC quickly apologizes. I take a deep breath to calm down a bit.

"Just clean it NOW."

Doog's eyes bulge and gets right on it without another word, JC doing the same. "Elise, do we have time to talk before the celebration?"

I don't like how he asked that. What the fuck did Doog tell him? "It's only seven and the party isn't for another four hours. Depends on how long it takes to clean this horror scene," I inform him. 

Two hours later, they're done and I've showered, feeling better. "We succeeded in making that ice cream cheesecake."

"Thank you, JC and Doogie."

"Can we please talk?"

"Sure," I answer JC.

"Alone?"

"I have to run one more birthday related errand."

"The esentpray run?" Deven questions.

"Yes." She and Doogie hand me money to get gifts for them. I sigh. "Come on, JC. We can talk during the trip."

He nods and follows me as I grab my small bag and car keys, getting down to the garage. I open the door so we can leave and climb into the car, turning over the engine before pulling out. "I heard you used to do drugs," he opens with.

I sigh. "Doogie?" He says nothing, but I feel his blue eyes on me. "I used to do cocaine, meth and pills."

"Do you still do any drugs?"

"MDMA and marijuana, sometimes I drink. I smoke to help me fall asleep, I'm a severe insomniac. The MDMA, I only do that on Fridays or Saturdays, pending what's going on during the weekend. I wait till the kids go to their friends' or are asleep. I've been doing that for five years and I only take MDMA once every couple months. I haven't had it in about two months now." We get to the stop light by the Water Street Market Basket. "I don't mean to hide it, but it isn't something I flaunt, either."

"I don't mean to be a dick, but if you're the kind of person who goes crazy on that kind of thing..." he trails off.  I laugh, the traffic light turning green and I press down on the gas pedal, cruising toward the Fifth Street bridge. I turn left onto the bridge and cut onto Lunenburg Street, heading toward Walmart.

"MDMA helps you chill out and you focus on bright colors and lights, shiny things and you need to drink a ton of water and chew gum all the time. If you smoke cigarettes, you'll blow through half a pack in that eight hours or if you smoke weed, you'll need a bowl or two and you're good for bed after four or five water bottles." He's giving me the crazy look at the John Fitch/Lunenburg Street intersection light when I look at him. "It also makes you super happy and heightens your sense of touch."

"So it's a hippie drug?" he inquires. I chuckle about the way he worded it.

"Minus all the hallucinations, yes."

"How much do you take at one time?"

I give him the same look he'd just given me a few moments ago. "Very little for first timers, maybe about the size of the camera lens on the front of an iPod and then after that, around the size of the lens on the back of an iPod or a dime. Why?"

"Just wondering."

"Do you want to try it?" I offer.

"No!" he loudly and far too quickly denies. 

"I haven't died from it and I've been doing MDMA occasionally for five years, cautious of how much I take at one time and I ALWAYS have water with me. When I do have it, I smoke weed with it."

"I'll smoke weed and watch you on the other stuff, I'm not too comfortable taking it right now."

I giggle. "That's fine by me, just when I try to interact with you or something, make sure to react to me."

"Alright."

We walk back in and Doogie is sitting in my kitchen chair, his back to the door. He looks like he's taking a nap. I smack the back of his head HARD, causing his head to snap up and his hand to rub where I'd hit him. "Where's Deven, big mouth?"

"Park down the road with the kids, something about baseball or soccer."

I look at JC and smirk. "Soccer. We should set most of it up, considering it's half an hour from party time."

"Do you have Molly?" Doogie questions me. 

"You down with Molly?" I ask, my eyebrow raising up. 

"Once in a blue is alright, just no snow."

"I gots Molly, we can roll face later after the kids all go out tonight. Parachute?"

"Sure."

Grahm's party was great, mainly teenagers he and his siblings know were in attendance. It ended an hour ago and they all left with friends, their parents and I have been friends since high school. I look at Doogie and begin crushing the chunk of MDMA into a fine powder, wrapping it a piece of toilet paper so it doesn't get stuck. It would catch on my tongue ring otherwise and it would lodge in his throat, both scenarios would suck balls. Deven nods and downs hers as I do the same, Doogie following suit seconds later. JC looks worried. "How long does it take to kick in?"

"It takes anywhere from fifteen minutes to an hour, come on."

"The glow room?" Doogie double checks. 

"Well, duh!" Deven retorts. I lead the way down into the glow room in the basement, turning left into the best room to roll face in. I turn on the black light as we file into the room and JC sits beside me, his hand on my thigh.

"Trust me, man, she's gonna get really lovey and if she's just too much for you, lemme know," Doogie tells him. 

"Ok."

"Or me," Deven says sitting on my other side and Doogie sits on JC's unoccupied side in the moon chair. Doogie concentrates on the illusion poster, it's black light sensitive and when you're rolling it looks as if it's moving. Deven is watching the music graphics on Windows Media player Doogie had started a minute ago with me, my body beginning to become highly sensitive to any form of sensation; I can feel the lightest touch, even if your fingers aren't directly touching me.

"Doog, gum?"

He hands Deven and I a piece of 5 Swerve gum, JC turning it down and he takes a piece himself. "Why do you need gum?"

"It's either chew gum or grind your teeth, gum is a better choice in my opinion." I look at him. 

"What? Do I have a booger or something in my hair or on my face?"

"No. Can I cuddle to you? Do you mind?"

He smiles. "It's fine."

I scoot back on the couch and lean into his body, my head on his shoulder and he winds his arm around me. He rubs my side and I reach for his other hand, winding my fingers in his when he offers it to me. "See, JC, MDMA isn't that bad if you don't do it all the time," Doog remarks.

It's been five hours and they're still rolling. I think that's what they call it. "Hey, can I ask you something?" Elise asks me, whispering. 

"Sure," I softly respond.

She moves her head close to my ear. "Could we be alone?"

"How alone and why?" 

I wonder what she's got on her mind. "Cuddle or something more?"

I look at Nick. "Can I talk to you?"

"Yeah."

"Alone."

He gets up, waving for me to follow him. We step outside the room and he closes the door, sitting on the bottom basement step. "Lemme guess, she wants to fuck you or cuddle? Maybe both?"

Even high, he can read through his childhood friend's behaviors as if he is her. "She pretty much said it's my choice."

"Sex is AMAZING when you roll face and cuddling is great, too, but I'd recommend doing what you're comfortable with. If you wanna get some, get it; if you don't, cuddle her and keep rubbing different parts of bare skin lightly to make her relax. When you touch her, rub her sides and scratch her head mostly and it will feel fantastic for her, won't make you feel guilty. Just a tip, when she rolls face she has a tendency to remember everything."

"What if she gets me going?"

"Go with the flow," he advises me, shrugging at the thought. 

"Have you?"

"Have I what?"

"Done all this and what she wants right now with her before?"

"That's something she has to tell. Bryn and I have rolled face together, ending up having sex before. It was when we were touring the first time once we were big out here," he informs me, meaning the Backstreet's Back tour.

"Oh, were you straight the first time she rolled?"

"The first time she rolled, I was straight and we did sleep together."

"After that?"

"I tried it and we ended up in the same predicament." I nod and head back into the glow room, him tailing me.

Elise nods at Nick and he nods back, smirking as he sits back. "It's all good, Boog."

She smiles and tugs on my hand lightly, wanting me to sit with her. I do as she wants and hand her a water bottle from the small fridge beside me. She gratefully takes it and guzzles half the bottle in seconds. "Whaddya say?"

"I'll grab some waters and we can cuddle, at least until you demand more," I tell her, grabbing four more bottled waters. She grabs two from me and the one she already had, taking my free hand with her own to guide me to her room. We go into her room and I put the waters on her nightstand table by her bed, her room colder than it had been last night. Her clock across the room projects in blue numbers that it's 2:47 in the morning, explaining why it's so cool in this room and take a seat on the edge of the bed, pulling her to me. "Have you thought about what I asked yesterday?"

"Still thinking on it."

"Come on, sit with me," I request and her reply is to straddle me, pulling me to lay on my side with one leg under mine and the other between my legs. Her face is nestled against my chest, her hands touching my silk button up over shirt and she moves the leg between mine, feeling a smile form on her lips through my undershirt. "What's so funny?"

"How right this feels right now, how happy I am and how you've taken the time to be here, the time to really know me. I really do appreciate this and everything you've gone through to be here, it means so much to me."

"I enjoy your company," I admit. 

"Fuck, I want to-" she begins to say.  Knock, knock, knock.

"Mom, who are you talking to?"

We both look at the wall across from the foot of the bed. 12:13pm. Almost twelve hours?! How long did we talk?

"JC is in here."

I groan, audible in my chest. "Bow chicka wow wow!"

"I'm gonna get her yet," she says, referring to her fifteen year old daughter.  This makes me chuckle. "Go to your friend's or something! Text me the name, address and number when you get there! Tell the boys the same!"

"Bye, ma!" the teenager yells about five minutes later and a stampede of feet later, a door slamming moments after. 

She quickly straddles my waist and I push her onto her back. I lay on her, her legs encompassing my waist and pulling me closer. I grab her hands with mine and intertwine our fingers, quickly pushing them above her head to be pinned. I kiss her as we push against the other's body, making it look like we're just in our teens and horny as hell. "Shouldn't we talk about it, this," she groans.

"Friends with added incentive or together," I offer, kissing her neck and pushing against her. 

"Added.... Ooooohhhh! Incent-ehhhhh-ve."

"Whatever you want," I agree. 

What's arguing going to accomplish? She wants a fuck buddy? I'll fulfill it as often I can, maybe I'll even consider moving into this neighborhood. Maybe. 

"Oh, this is bullshit!" her phone cries out. We look at each other for moment, laughing too hard to get any further than half naked and completely unable to focus.

"Nikolas! You're such a cock block!" Elise screams, pushing me onto my back and stripping off my pants. She presses her lips on mine and my hands instinctively move to her gyrating hips, pushing her against me harder, making it easier to feel and extremely easy to get me aroused again. She says, "Open texts from Doogie."

"Text messages from Doogie opening. One forty-four pm, September 16, 2020. 'Tell JC I said touchdown!'. Two oh three pm, September 16, 2020. 'I learned it from the best, Elise. Thank you, Jedi! Lol. Get some!'," the device tells her. 

"Lock." She giggles and lightly drags her fingers all over my bare torso. "He's a dick."

How do I respond? "You want mine in you," I growl in her ear, having looped one hand around the back of her neck to pull her closer. "Oh, fucking right I do," she moans.

The teasing was great, but the desire amplified the sensation of sex and more than made up for it. It was electricity flowing through my body and explosions happening from the inside out every single time we got off. Thank goodness I'm on the patch. His hand brushes over the birth control, his face contorting when he finds it. "What's this?"

"Ortho-Evra, birth control," I breathe, mid-climax. 

He didn't stop to be a dick, but pulls out to get me on all fours and buries himself to the hilt and the moment he's in as far as he can manage, he's moving in ways he hasn't publicly since his *NSYNC days when he'd perform 'For The Girl'. That performance always got me wanting to feel him inside me, a bit wet in between my legs and his hips making figure 8s as he fucks me senseless and relentlessly as he can. He is ruthless and the best at the same exact time. Of course, he has to have his right arm around my middle and his fingers rubbing my pink pearl and the other holding himself up, making my body shake violently as I release while screaming with pure ecstasy in a volume that I believe the neighbors would be jealous as they smoke a cigarette. Sweaty? Check. Slick? Yeah. Satisfied? Hell yeah! Wanting more? Who wouldn't! Can I handle anymore? If only I weren't so raw and sore and if every single muscle in body wasn't aching or shaking, would I chance it!

"Damn," he breathes, still catching his breath after our prolonged sexcapades. I tilt my head back and notice it's nearly ten at night. 

"Ho, damn! Eight hours! No wonder my body's pretty much dead exhausted."

"Are you always loud?" he chuckles, wrapping his nude body around mine as soon as I turn onto my side and nestles his face in my hair. 

"No, only when it's fantastic, I'm rolling, blasted, drunk or all of the above."

"Did you smoke?" he tries to recall, his finger tips touching inside of my thigh of my leg I'd stretched backward to rub against his.

"Mmm."I giggle. "Yes, I smoked, meaning you did as well."

"When did we do that?"

"We sat in the glow room for about five hours."

"That explains why I can't remember three hours of it and most of our conversation when we came in here."

"You were coming down from one high to be on another," I announce, informing him that I knew about his change in behaviors. 

"Are you observant like this all the time?"

"Yes, I have three teens."

"Valid point. How do moms deal with three teens at one time?"

"Why?"

"You, mom and Lynn and Diane, you women make it seem so easy," he compliments me and the other three women at the same time. 

"Thanks. Friends and family make it easier."

"How long have you known Deven exactly?" he wonders aloud. 

"Since May 18, 2012."

"When did you file?"

"May 9, 2013, it was finalized the summer of 2014."

"Do you remember the exact date off the top of your head?"

"I can check my planner book later, I celebrate it every single year with a small party with some of my friends."

"We should sleep, unless you wanna get stoned and then pass out," he offers. 

"Knowing you, this is why you were always tired besides your schedule."

"Huh?"

"Smoking cannabis," I explain, laughing quietly. "Open texts from Grahm."

"Opening texts from Grahm. Three oh nine pm, September 16, 2020. 'Staying at Benji's overnight.'"

"Open texts from Leilani."

"Opening texts from Leilani. Three thirty-two pm, September 16, 2020. 'Staying at Jelissya's for the week, will call you after school tomorrow. Love you.'"

I nod. "Open texts from Mickie."

"Opening texts from Mickie. Four oh one pm, September 16, 2020. 'Staying at Fritter's for the week. Love you and thanks.'"

"Text Mickie, Leilani and Grahm. You can stay the week if you want. Have their mom call me. Love you. Insert heart."

"Send message to Mickie, Leilani and Grahm?"

"Send to all three." I attempt to move and can't. "JC, weed."

"I wanna do it naked," he groans. 

"I have to get Midnight and my secret stash out of my nightstand."

"Alright," he sighs, unwillingly releasing me. 
I crawl across the bed, holding my body up with one hand on the bedside table and on my knees. I feel him move on the bed, my other hand opening the drawer and grabbing my grinder and bowl. His fingers begin tracing the inside of my thigh, making me want to close my eyes. "JC, Midnight Blood is a GLASS bowl."

"If I cause it to be broken, I'll replace it."

"This piece got me through my divorce."

"Hand me the grinder and the bowl, just to make sure they don't get dropped," he demands, his hand touching mine that contains both items. I give them to him and he holds them tightly, gently pulling me toward the center of the bed. "Come here, mami," he coaxes me, helping me get into a sitting position in between his legs and he hands me Yin-Yang and Midnight Blood. I'm smiling soooo big right now. Being with him like this feels so right, so perfect and like he's meant for me.

"JC?"

"Mmm?"

"How does being like this, how do you feel about it?"

He's quiet for a moment. "We were made for each other."

I couldn't imagine being happier, but he just accomplished it.

Halloween and Thanksgiving have already happened, it's now the week before Christmas. I just bought the house up the street and a couple streets over, 176 Milk Street and also 40 Maple Street behind it. The one on Milk is a triple decker, bought for the intent of Mickie moving in around June or July of next year. 40 Maple is for myself and Elise is more than welcome to come and go as she pleases, she and the kids are getting the keys to my houses for Christmas. She had a small get together for me and Deven to attend in order to celebrate her birthday, Nick popped in with Aaron and the younger one screamed her nickname from him ages ago when she answered the door. 

The upcoming weekend is a crazy one. She has to put up with her ex, the kids don't care for the guy due to the simple fact that he's hardly ever around. They've told me he hasn't really cared about them since day one, his focus being video games and what most teen boys think of. If you need me to further explain what most teen boys think of, refer to my first solo album after the group and I'm sorry that you had been raised in the dark ages because you definitely missed a good part of nature and life. Tomorrow begins the day she has to put up with her ex, being Christmas Eve and all and thank goodness it's only for about an hour after lunch at the social services office the next town over. Nick plans on taking her and the kids, Aaron meeting them there while Deven and I stay here to prepare for a special dinner. She won't tell me the traditions she and Elise have with the kids, but keeps assuring me that I'll enjoy it. 

~*~9:35am, Christmas Eve morning~*~

Elise is making sure the kids grab the right clothes from the hall armoire, obviously aggravated about having to put up with this situation just because he lives in Rhode Island and this is one of the extremely RARE times that happen to be convenient for him. She's muttering curses and saying things in a foreign language, Japanese is my best guess. "She's speaking in Hmong and Japanese," Deven quietly informs me. 

"She looks mainly European or white."

"Her biological sperm donor is French, Blackfoot Native American, Japanese and Hmong. Her mom is British English, Irish, Scottish and Italian with a small sprinkle of Ecuadorian in there for good measure. My advice to you: do NOT piss her off."

"What's this?" I demand, pointing in Elise's direction of the kitchen from the red love seat. 

"This is very mildly annoyed. Say nothing about the visit with Percy today, I'm not fixing to deal with her mood."

"How bad does it get?"

"Have you seen an Asian Ecuadorian Gaelic Native American Italian get pissed and beat the fucking hell out of a punching bag to the point of it bursting open and having to buy a new one?"

I furrow my brows, scratching the back of my head. "Not that I can recall."

"You see that oven door?" She points to the object and I look at it. 

"The edge of the top looks dented," I observe. 

"Little miss Elise did that when he called two months ago."

"How mad had she been?"

"Just a little past aggravated." She leaves the smallest amount of space between her finger and thumb.  I raise my eyebrows in surprise.

"Deven! Stop scaring him! Especially if he really wants to chance anything, he's got to learn it on his own!"

~*~12:49~*~

We've slept together a few times; but more often than not, we just lay in her bed and hold each other. We've talked endlessly and I've kept the fact that I own two houses near her hidden for nearly three weeks, discussing everything else. We haven't gone any further than friends with added incentive, she's not comfortable enough about the idea yet. She has told me that her kids like it when I'm here because Elise is much calmer. 

I watch Deven pull things out for homemade fried chicken from scratch, Alfredo and vegetables. I'm watching Deven cook her ass off for the better part of half an hour or so, her cell ringing causing her to wipe her hands on the small towel on the counter next to her and interrupting our discussion. She looks at the caller ID and widens her eyes when she looks at me, answering it on speaker. "Hey, Beatrice," she cautiously answers it, placing it on the counter piece near the table. 

"I'm gonna korsu the onaka!" Elise screams. 

"He didn't show?"

"No, he called me AFTER I had been there for fifteen minutes to CANCEL cuz he didn't wanna FUCKING DRIVE THIS FAR TO SEE HIS KIDS!"

"Elise," I cautiously greet her. 

"I'm sorry you have to listen to it, but it's either-" she tries to justify when I cut her off. 

"I understand, I really do. Are you driving?"

"Yes, I'm almost back home now, maybe five minutes till I park in the driveway."

"Alright. Make sure you let me know when you get here and send the kids in ahead of you. I have a place I think you need to visit, somewhere Doog showed me and he said when you would get mad is the best time to take you there. He mentioned something about having something like this place you two used to run off to as kids in Tampa."

"It's 23 damned degrees outside and you want me to go somewhere with three inches on the clearest road NOW?" she shrieks at me. 

"I'll drive if you feel safer," I offer. 

"Yeah, you drive cuz I'm DONE driving."

"That's fine, Mikkaila."

"You know my first name? But how?" Her tone is softer and it was enough to calm her. 

"I talk to Nick, I've known his sorry ass since 95 or 96 and he described a girl who looks just like you do and her name is Mikkaila, but just about everyone calls her Elise because it just so happens to be her second middle name and she likes it better. In my opinion, the name Mikkaila is much more beautiful and unique and it shows that she happens to be Hawaiian."

"You and Doog talk far too much and way too often," she laughs. "Yes, I'm of Hawaiian descent. Fine, we can go to this place you're thinking of."

"Text me when the kids get out of the car."

"Will do."

Elise hangs up the phone and Deven eyes me as if I'm a foreign life form, prompting me to stick my tongue out at her. "I knew her as Elise for the first year and a half, I learned her first name during the divorce when the judge called the case. How in the fuck did you really find out?"

"I said Nick told me and he told me just before Thanksgiving."

Deven and I haven't broken eye contact since Elise called her phone until just now, I get Elise's text saying the kids are on the way into the house. I slip out the back door. I climb in the driver's seat and turn toward the park up the road, knowing I'm going to take her to the quarries to sit on the rocks that over look the city. Nick said it should calm her down and she can scream all she wants up there. "I'm sorry today has been frustrating for you."

"Thanks. I just need to scream and bitch and rant."

"We're going to the perfect place for you to do that."

"Doog showed you?"

"Yes," I reply with a smirk. 

We get to the top of the rock and I stand back, allowing her to scream away her stress and frustrations. After a good fifteen minutes, she walks over to me and I hold her as she cries. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Mikkaila." 

"You keep saying it wrong. It's pronounced 'Mi-kai-lah', not 'Mi-kay-lah'. It's why some of my family and Doog's call me Kai."

"That's why his youngest siblings kept calling you Kai," I observe. I kiss the top of her head. "Sorry about that."

"It's a small thing. Doog has me saved in his phone as Mikki or Kaila, I've had fans of his who have stolen his phone call me and grill me."

~*~3:45pm~*~

Her Samsung Galaxy S13 rings, a ringtone I haven't heard before. She laughs, answering the call. "Yes, milady. Alright, we can be there in a few. Quarries. Talking. I'm not an exhibitionist like you. Ok. Love you more." She looks over her shoulder at me. "Deven says we have to head home if we wanna eat."

"It's almost done?"

"Yes."

There are four tiny jewelry sized boxes near the tree, JC's script on the paper and cards and I'm curious. The kids got up an hour ago and I've been laying in bed since, too lazy to really get up. Bob and Lisa are bringing Mook and Gook up, our dinner for tonight supplied by Doog and Aaron and I'm hoping they didn't fuck up any of the recipes I gave them. I lazily roll my head, trying to look at JC and fail, a knock interrupting my curiosity. "No!" I respond. 

"Gook, Mook, dad and Lisa will be here in an hour; they just called," Aaron informs me. 

"When'd the hell you get here?"

"Half an hour ago with all the food we made and all we have to do is warm it up in the oven. Your demon spawns let me and Nick and our sisters in."

I groan, wriggling my butt to wake JC. "Mmm," he sleepily growls, nuzzling the back of my neck. 

"We have an hour before Doog's dad and them show up, we need to shower and get dressed."

"Do they head back tonight?"

"No, they're staying in Leominster at the house I bought."

"Alright. I have a couple big gifts to give you and the kids alone tonight."

Showered and dressed, my hair half decent. I feel better, but now my mind is reeling over what JC got me and the kids. "You didn't have to g-"

He puts a finger to my lips, silencing me. "I know I didn't, but I did anyway. I think I'm going to be in town for a few months or longer after the holiday."

I walk over to Doog and Aaron, greeting them with warm hugs and a smile. "They should be here any-" Doog begins to say, the doorbell ringing. 

"Come in!" I shout. Mook and Gook barrel into the house, running into my arms and shoving Doog and Aaron away from me.

"We missed you, Kai!" they announce loudly. 

"I've missed you more," I tell them. 

"What are we? Minced meat?" Aaron quips, aiming it at the younger two. 

"For now," Gook replies, her head turning in his direction and both of their older brothers' jaws falling slack.

Elise is mulling something over in her mind, I can tell and I know it's not about JC asking her out. I bump her shoulder, gaining her attention and a small half smile. "What's going on down there in your noggin?"

"Wondering what he got the kids and I for Christmas, hopefully not jewelry. Deven, you've been amazing to me and the kids and I don't even know why. JC has been great to us as well. Doog and his family are my family."

"Except for when you two were teenagers," I fire back, poking the tip of her nose and she rolls her eyes. 

"Shut up," she giggles, turning away. 

"Mikkaila?" JC calls her from the living room. 

"JC?" she playfully retorts. 

"Could you come here, please?"

She groans, teasing him. "Fine."

I watch him pull her close to his body, talking to her in a quiet tone and she tosses her head back to giggle again. She hasn't been this happy or giggly since her divorce party, but they like each other. She's extremely independent, she doesn't rely on anyone but me for help really and when she does, it usually Nick's family she asks for help from. 

I check on the kids and come back to the place JC and Elise had been standing, finding them gone and I instinctively check the deck once I notice their jackets aren't on the coat rack hooks. "That's where you love birds disappeared to," I tease, pulling my sweater closed in the front as I step onto the deck. 

"Sorry, I wanted to talk to her alone for a few minutes," JC explains to me, rubbing her back. He whispers something in her ear and she softly sniffles, getting to her feet with both our help. Her nose is bright red, her cheeks are a deep rose and her eyes look puffy like she had been out here crying with him. "Come on, Mikkaila." He embraces her, reassuring her as best as he possibly can. 

"Stay with me?" she requests, her face pressed against his chest and has her sleeve covered arms around his waist. 

"I will," he agrees, trying to soothe her. 

'What happened?' I mouth. 

'I just learned about her mom,' he silently replies, kissing the top of her head. 'Can you get Nick or Aaron, please?'

I nod and march inside to find one of them, spotting them together. "JC needs you guys," I inform them, grabbing their sweatshirt sleeves and pulling them behind me to where Elise and JC are on the deck, her body shaking with sobs. 

"What?" Aaron can be so dense sometimes. 

"Why?" Nick demands, stopping at the door to the deck. I look at him, narrowing my eyes. He folds his arms.

"He just learned about her mom and he's trying to coax her inside to get out of the cold, but she won't move and he doesn't know what else to do. She's crying and he's attempting his best to calm her down, nothing is working," I summarize. Before I get another sound to escape me, they rapidly stride out the door and I follow, discovering them hugging her from either side of her tiny frame while she holds tight to JC.

"It's alright, Boog. She's not in pain anymore; she's watching over us now. I know it's been rough for you, but we're all here for you and love you," Nick assures her. 

"We have always been there for you, Kai, and nobody and nothing will ever change that. Please, come inside and warm up," Aaron comments, the last part pleading. She sniffles a handful of times more and nods her head, moments later she's following the two brothers into the house and gently tugging JC with her by his hand. Their fingers are tangled together. He is genuinely concerned. Once she's sitting in the living room, Nick and Aaron are whispering to her about something.

"I promise you're gonna like it at least," Nick tells her. 

"It's something you two knuckleheads did, so I don't know about that," she quips. 

"Come on out," Aaron calls over his shoulder. 

Two women come into the room; one is blonde and the other brunette, both women have the same exact eyes as Elise. "Mikkaila?" the blonde inquires, my eyes traveling to my best friend. 

"Halina? Jessica?" she blurts out, shocked. 

"Yes, Mikkaila," the brunette replies, smiling like her baby sister. She jumps up and quickly closes the space between her and her half sisters whom she's never met before, the same ones she talks to online and via texts and phone calls all the time.

"I've wanted to meet you since I was thirteen!" She's crying, excited and happy as they embrace each other. 

"We've felt the same way since we found out about you, baby sister," the blonde comments. 

It's been a couple hours of them chatting so fast, my head is spinning and their kids have all met each other and their respective aunts. Nick, JC and Aaron are quietly talking between themselves and the kids have gone into their rooms to hang out, leaving me to entertain myself. She's introduced me to her sisters and them to me. "We should find a hotel," Jessica reminds Halina, twirling a strand of her brown hair around a finger. 

"Hold that thought," she tells them, walking over to JC. 

"What's up?" he asks her, seeing her out of the corner of his eye. 

"Nick, can they stay with you? It's only while they're here," she fires off, folding her hands together and giving him the pout. 

He pretends to consider it. "JC, now would be a great time to show her and the kids."

JC nods, rising to his feet and grabbing the four smallest presents under the tree. "Mickie, Leilani and Grahm," he calls out, all their 9 kids coming from wherever they were to the front room in a rush. The three he called by name stop in front of him and he doles out the four gifts in his hands. I watch as they rip open the paper, opening the boxes and Elise holds up a set of keys.

"What are these?" she demands. 

"House keys," he replies. 

"To what?"

"Boots and jackets everyone," he commands everyone. None of us waste time getting ready and congregate in the middle of the living room. "All set?" We all look at each other and nod, thrilled to find out what house the keys go to. 

He guides us all on foot up the rest of Walton, turns left and goes down Milk Street two streets away and stops in front of a triple decker. "You got Maddie's old place?" 

"I own this one and come over here," he beams, dragging her with him by her gloved hands. "Close your eyes, Elise." I know she did as he requested, guiding her along the side of the building and stopping in the tiny backyard at the edge of a smaller house's driveway. "Open them, mami."

She looks around, her light jade eyes shining. "What about this one?" she demands, pointing to the smaller one. 

"I own this one, too."

"What? Why?"

"The house behind us is for company until the kids are old enough to be on their own and they can use one of these apartments as their first and the one in front of us is my personal home. You and the kids have keys to both, welcome to them at any given time. Your sisters, nieces and nephews can stay here while they visit."

She immediately jumps into his arms, kissing his lips quickly and hugging him tightly as he chuckles about it. "Thank you!"

Her sisters and I laugh, her kids shouting their thanks as well and he smiles from ear to ear. "Told you," I comment, my hands diving into my pockets to warm them. 

"You were right," he agrees. Elise and her sisters look between us, their expressions are exactly the same and it's my turn to laugh with JC.

"What?" they question at the same time. 

"Your faces matched perfectly," he replies, holding Elise tightly. 

"And why'd Deven say 'told you'?" Elise demands to know, snuggling her body closer to his in this nipple freezing weather. 

"She said she wouldn't tell you and that she knew you'd appreciate if I allowed your sisters, nieces and nephews stay in the triple decker."

"How long have you known they were coming?"

"About a month."

"How long have you had these places?"

"Almost as long." He kisses the top of her head. "Merry Christmas, Mikkaila."

"Merry Christmas, Josh." He looks confused for a moment, but lets it pass. "It's cold as fuck and I vote we go home."

"Come see what the inside of the houses look like."

"I know what the inside of both look like, I had friends that lived in them."

"I meant your sisters, mami," he laughs. 

~*~Flashback~*~

Doog had been seventeen and I had just turned fourteen a couple weeks earlier. He flew me out to see him for my birthday and we were cuddled up on the couch, facing one another. 

"Kai, can I ask you something really serious?"

"What's up?"

"Have you had a boyfriend before?"

I knit my brows together. "No. The one guy I would chance anything with, I'm pretty sure doesn't see me like I do him."

"I know this girl I like who drives me crazy and I wanna ask her out, but I'm scared she's gonna say no."

"Just ask her," I giggle. 

"Can I practice with you?"

"Sure," I agree with a playful smirk. 

He sits upright, pulling me onto his lap at the same time and takes a deep breath once our eyes lock. No, I think I'm reading too deep into the whole situation. He can't possibly like me like that. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Yes," I play along. "Now, go find and really ask her, Doog."

"I'm holding her on my lap right now."

I look around, searching for this other girl and he puts his hand on the side of my face. I point to myself, shocked that I've been wrong all this time. "ME?!"

He smiles, a short and soft chuckle escapes him. "Yes, you, Mikkaila. I've liked you since we were 8 and 11, but I never thought you liked me. You always punch me and wrestle with me, you always act like my best friend and nothing more."

"It's how I hide it!" I shout rapidly, covering my mouth with both hands and my eyes as wide as dinner plates. 

He laughs. "All those secret admirer letters without a name on them you've found while snooping around my room with Aaron, well..."

"Come on, out with it," I demand.

"They were for you."

It's now Christmas Eve and his parents and siblings are out with us at a restaurant. "How's school, guys?" I ask. 

"I got an A on my book report!" Aaron brags, beaming. 

"I get those ALL the time," Angel brags, the other two girls shrugging because they get the same grades as her. Understand that the girls have been straight A since preschool and Aaron's managed high B's and low A's as his best.

"What was the entire grade?"

"A+, ninety-eight," he continues to boast, proud of himself. He loves the attention, he's a bit of an attention seeker and eats it up every single time he gets even the tiniest amount.

"I actually wanted to say something," Doog announces, everyone's attention is on him and I can't help but turn beet red in the face, dropping my face to cover its color change with my pin straight black hair. This was back before I'd started dying my hair, allowing AJ to choose the colors that would go into it. 

"What's on your mind?" Bob requests. 

"You finally asked, didn't you?" Leslie demands, the rest of his family in attendance excitedly chattering and planning for his next break. Doog raises his palm down hands and lowers them a bit as he flips his hands over, obvious from my peripheral vision.

"Calm down," he requests, his family obliging it within moments. "I did and we've been together a few days."

Once we get back to the hotel in Halifax, his brother and sisters are tucked into bed and his mom follows suit; leaving his dad, myself and him to talk. "When do you have a show again?" I ask him. 

He pulls me to sit across his lap and kisses my nose, a huge smile taking over his face. "In three days, but I wanna focus on us and our family until they go home in two days." 

~*~Explanation for flashback~*~

She had told me one night that she and Nick had dated and this was the story she told, having pulled out pictures of them and old letters from him. A couple nights later she had shown me the tapes from that Christmas and whenever she and Nick had time to themselves, little of it had been recorded on video or in pictures when it came closer to the end of their romantic relationship. I did find her old diary or journal from back then; it had been in a Five Star zip up binder in the back of the shelf in her closet and I read the entry that was written in her 14 year old handwriting, evident by how faded the ink was, some of it more detailed than most. I just copied her entry into this chapter, knowing she had given me the go ahead to do those years ago. I had to wait till it felt right to even consider penning any of this, Deven and our friends and families helping out. 

~*~Christmas Day 2020~*~

As it winds down and the kids, Deven, Elise, Nick, Aaron, Halina, Jessica and I are all getting settled into the bedrooms between the two houses when Elise freezes. She's staring at the multi car garage down the road, her face showing concentration and her brows furrowed, her breathing sounding shallow and agitated. A single tear rolls down her face on the right side. She sniffles, her right hand coming to the middle of her body barely below her bust and the fingers on her left hand begin spinning the ring on her third finger. It's a white gold mother and child ring, mother of pearl background behind the design on her finger. "Mikkaila?" No response. I take my chances. "Mikkaila, are you okay?" I touch her side, mere inches below the slight curve to her waist and above her hip. She jumps, inhaling a sharp breath and whips around to face me, nearly knocking me on my ass in the snow bank in the driveway. I jumped back with barely enough space between us, gaining my balance once she glances over her shoulder after seeing it was only me that brushed her side.

"Sorry. We should go inside. I need to absorb this, all of it."

Inside, she makes tension tamer tea for both of us and she sits on the living room couch beside me. "What's on your mind?"

"The way you've made time to fit into the five of our lives and that maybe, just for once I should let someone in that I really don't know," she explains, her green eyes watching the almost muted television and sips her tea. 

My turn being confused. "What do you mean?"

"Well, if I agreed to your proposition, what would you expect?"

"Honesty, you to be faithful like I've been already, patient, understanding and of course, to meet my family when you're ready," I prattle off, watching her every move like a hawk. 

"Alright," she slowly replies. 

"What do you expect?"

"Everything you said; plus treating me and the kids better than the rest, give us time to adjust, willingness to adjust to our lives and to learn more things about me that only a handful of people know."

"What kind of things?" I ask, concerned. 

"Nothing major, small quirks about me that you'll soon be used to and are more amusing than worrisome."

After a two hour serious discussion, we have already gathered what is needed for a shower and are now in the midst of it. "Why did you stare at that garage down the road?"

"I thought I saw something and I was lost in my thoughts after," she tells me, lathering her body with cucumber melon soap. 

I use my citrus and sandalwood scented Old Spring body wash, opening my eyes once I've rinsed off to find her bent over in front of me and I have to fight all my desires to just impale her. She switches legs as she shaves, I inhale deeply and she looks at me over her shoulder. Her green eyes ask the question on my mind. "I'm trying not to take advantage of you."

"Hmm. Patience." She turns back to shaving and once she's done, turns to me. We share a very heated and passionate lip lock, switching positions in the shower so she's able to rinse off. She dips her head back and rinses the soaps off her body, making me want her naked form even more. "Please hand me my conditioner."

Did I mention she's the kind of woman to make you think and wonder about so much in life? Well, that's Mikkaila for ya. I hand her the huge bottle of conditioner, watching as she pumps the light pink fluid onto the top of her head and hands it back to me. I place it on the armpit height shelf and watch as she forces her fingers through her hair, ensuring to get the product throughout her hair from her scalp to tip. She looks so beautiful, so sensuous. I wrap my arms around her waist to pull her close to me, spinning so the water is massaging my back as her iPod plays Stereoside's 'Sinner' through her radio and kiss her light pink Cupid's bow lips. I press my body against hers as hard as I'm holding her to mine, no space between us and when we do pull apart, our lips are swollen and we're breathing heavily just more her than I. She initiates the lip bruising crash of our mouths, pushing me under the water until she's where I'd been moments ago and breaks the kiss. Her head tilts back, her body leaning slightly back and uses her hands to comb out the conditioner which causes her body to stretch backward and prove how lean her body is. She's curvy, lean and has huge hips; she's nowhere near supermodel skinny, she's a size five.

She says she hasn't been this small since her middle school days, she's even shown me pictures to prove it and now fits a pair of pants her mom loved on her that fit all those years ago that look amazing on her. She has 36DD tits, kind of thick thighs because they're all muscle and semi-toned abs. Do I have any idea what she looked like a few years ago? Not her body, but her face has always been beautiful. She and Deven have told me that she's been upwards of 225 before, the whole time between getting into Tyco  about 6 years ago and everything that happened had stressed her out so much that she had lost a great deal of weight, I believe they had said 113 pounds of it. Nick and Aaron have confirmed this numerous times for me.

I hiss, my dick hardening against her. "Please hurry, this is hell for me," I plead, holding her tightly. 

"I can tell, plus we most likely are going to smoke after."

Can we just get freaky in here? "Why wait?"

"I'll be more than ready to go crazy after?"

"How about we have a little fun now, smoke and then go at it like we've lost our minds?" I suggest, desperately wanting to get laid now. Her eyes narrow into slits at me, only the black pupils and green irises visible. One of her favorite songs comes on, Offspring's 'I Want You Bad' and she turns her back to me before grinding her ass against me. She earns herself a guttural moan from me and my head falls back, one of her hands guiding my completely erect shaft inside her treasure box. Both hands grab mine and place them on her hips as she slowly pushes her hips back toward me, shoving my dick as far in as it can go and wriggling and rocking her hips with her ass pressed against me closer than I could ever imagine being. I pull her back into me, pushing myself further into her while my hips swivel and I hit her G spot. We go at it like the world's about to die off and wash up again, kissing here and there.

"Feel a little relieved?" She smirks at me. 

"Yes, for now at least. How about we go out on the pool deck and smoke?"

She kisses me, reaching behind her to turn the water off and grabs our towels, handing me mine. "Alright, sounds good to me," she agrees with a smirk.

I haven't slept this well in a long time, a few years at least. I traipse down the steps in just my pajama pants and open the front hallway door, hit with cold air and a small flurry of snow. Oh, shit! That's fucking cold! I shut the door and run upstairs, grabbing jeans and a shirt. I think about grabbing my jacket and decide I should wear it, last thing I need is to be sick when I know damn well I have to tour for my solo album that's due out next year around Kai's birthday. She would STRANGLE me if I sounded like shit on it. She always got on my case about my vocals, knowing when I sound best because she's always asked my brother about what I should and shouldn't do to make sure none of us sound under par. 

"Call her phone first, Aaron."

I whip around and find Nick standing in the living room doorway, his eyes barely open to prove he's just woken up. "What happened to just being able to pop in?"

"That's JC's house, not hers."

"Isn't this his house, too?"

"He also said right in front of us that this is for when the kids are old enough to be on their own and for when she has visitors."

He crosses his arms and raises his eyebrows. "Oh, yeah." I grab my cell and dial her number, having memorized it years ago. 

"It's nine and it better be important or you're dead," she greets me. 

"Can I come visit?"

"Call you when I'm up for the day, it's my last day off before I go back to work."

"Alright."

She hangs up and I look at my brother. "She said she's going to call when she gets up for the day and I can go over then."

"When it's Gin's house, it's whatever and we can come and go as we please, but it's JC's house and we have to call first."

"I'm just going to write."

A couple hours later, the kids come upstairs and we occupy them. I take Grahm and we write songs together for a little while, his mom calling me after we finish one song. Grahm picks up and greets her excitedly. "Hi, mom! I'm just writing a song with him. Yup. Uh-huh. Ok. Yes. No. Yes. Lani did. I dunno, there was food here when we checked this morning." He writes a few things down. "I will. Ok, let us shower and get dressed. Love you."

"What's up, little man?"

He rolls his eyes. "We have to shower and get ready, then we can head over next door." He turns away from me, only to turn back and face me with a finger up. "I don't like being called 'little man', I'm not a little kid anymore."

"I didn't know. What do your friends call you?"

"By my name or Hanley, Aaron."

"Their last name is Hanley? As in Framing Hanley?" JC questions. 

"I don't know."

"Yes, I know the five of them, their moms and mine grew up together and mine moved out here when she was 25."

"You're from Tennessee?"

"I'm from here, but I do go see my family down in Nashville every summer for a week and they do pop in when they can," Kai explains. 

"That's why you always took off every year around Howie's birthday," I comment. 

"I'm Ashley Hanley's cousin on her dad's side, my mom is her aunt and her dad's little sister."

JC turns to Nick. "You never told me she knows Framing Hanley."

"I didn't know, not until this past week."

"Ashley had died in 06 from a gruesome car crash and they changed their name from Ember Fade to Framing Hanley. They had been a band for just barely over a year when it happened and she had always loved listening to them play together when Tim was their guitarist and I got to hear them at her house when I stayed out there, Tim had shown me how to play some songs and Ryan continues to teach me their songs on my electric bass." Her cell rings and she answers it, interrupting 'It's Not What They Said' by the band we've just found out she knows personally. "Hey, Brandon," she greets the caller. "Josh, can they stop by?"

He mouths 'Framing Hanley' and she nods, sticking out her bottom lip. "Yes, have them come here."

She kisses him quickly. "35 Maple Street. Yeah, Jenna's old place. Yes, that house. No, Josh bought it. A friend of mine. I have some friends and family here," she informs this guy, her sisters and their kids walking in and she hugs them all. "Ok, see you guys in an hour." She hangs up and glances at us all. "Please don't act all fan crazy."

"Over who?" Deven demands, coming in the door as she got off the phone. 

"Framing Hanley."

"They're cool, good tunes. Why?"

"They're coming here."

"Nice."

About an hour goes by and there's a car that pulls up outside, Leilani saying she just saw Kenneth exit it with the other guys. The fifteen year old girl runs outside with no shoes and entirely barefoot, running into the arms of one of the guys for a bear hug that lifts her off the ground. He's kind of tall, skinny, shaggy hair and has tattoos in various places that are semi hidden. Another guy does the same thing, the first one handing her to him. He's almost like the first, his hair is a brown instead of black and no visible tats. Third guy, has a hat on, more muscular and hair like the other two, but darker than the first two. A fourth has a beard and glasses on, Leilani being passed to him next. "Kenneth, Brandon, Ryan, Chris and Luke," Kai names them, according to the order her daughter got passed from one to the next.  The one she named as Kenneth, carries her into the house with her body wrapped around his torso.

"Alright, Lisabé, get down, hon," the man tells the teenage girl. Kai walks over to them and Kenneth grabs her, embracing her tightly.

"Kenny, how have you been?"

She's got her arms around his middle, stepping side to side in circles. "Good, Kaila. You been alright?"

"Yeah, better each day."

"Heard from Jeff that you got a new possibility, one that makes you happy."

"Yeah, he's a great person and has made time for me and the kids, even came out to see us TWICE!" she happily announces. 

JC walks up and taps the guy's shoulder, Kai hugging the other four guys in almost the same fashion minus the teetering and going in circles. "Who are you?" 

"I'm Kenneth. These other four guys are my bandmates; Luke, Brandon, Ryan and Chris. We're collectively known as Framing Hanley, we've known Kaila since we were all at least 18, but she's known me since the summer I was four. She and Ashley used to come over all the time, she would hang out with my brother because he's a little older than her. He's her first boyfriend."

"His brother is 41 and he's my second boyfriend, if Kenny had his facts right." She rolls her eyes. "These guys are the band I was talking about earlier."

"I met you guys before," Nick comments. 

"Look! The boyband guy!" the brown haired one comments. 

"Yes, Ryan, he's in a boyband."

"We are a pop vocal group, Kai."

"Nick," she warns. The five guys laugh and she smirks.

"Who's this guy, Kaila?" 

"This is Josh, Chris," she informs him. 

"Oh, so this is the terrific man Jeffy has told us about," Ryan comments, clasping his hands together and teasing her by batting his eyes at her. She giggles, covering her mouth. She playfully shoves him. 

Mickie and Grahm come hauling ass into the living room, straight for Kenneth and Ryan. "We missed you guys! We should hang out more!" Grahm shouts, the five guys hugging both boys. 

"For sure, just need your mom's permission to take you."

"This summer, that's when you take the boys from the day after they get out until the week before they go back to school."

"Sounds fair," they chorus together. 

"Really? We can?" her boys excitedly inquire. 

"You'll find out closer to June. Go be teenagers."

They run off and we have a few drinks with them, everyone of us guys warming up to the guys she knows from Tennessee. We bond quickly and then Ryan glances at the clock on his cell, surprise washing over his features. "We have to get going, sorry about cutting it short. We start tour in a week, so we have to get back to Nashville to rehearse."

"I understand. Do what you gotta. Think we might see you around April?"

"The tour is about four months long, the first US leg and then we hit the road again at the end of June for leg two," Kenneth supplies. "So, it's a possibility that I'll be up here with Ryan and Brandon from the beginning of May until the week after they get out of the prison they call school."

We all laugh at his statement. "It sucks we only got to see you for a few hours," Kai comments. 

"You get about six weeks of hell with us in just over five months," Chris jokes. 

They get up and she sees them out as they put their layers on, hugging her goodbye. They each kiss her cheek, beginning to leave the house and only getting as far as opening the door before all three children bombard them. Of course Leilani is in hysterics, begging them not to leave and they feel like shit. They all sit at the table and quietly talk to her, explaining why they have to leave; promising to spend all of May and most of June here in Fitchburg with her and her brothers. "You can call us at any time and if we don't pick up, we promise to call you back as soon as we can, Lisabé." 

"Okay, Uncle Kenny. What about texting?"

"I can fire those off pretty quick unless I'm performing or recording an appearance, the same as Nick over there," Kenneth explains, pointing at my brother subtly. Leilani nods and they embrace her in a group bear hug once they are all standing, all of them emotionally squeezing the teenage girl while tears slip down her face leaving trails. 

"You better come back," she threatens, waving to them as they get in the car. 

"We will!" Ryan shouts back, a sad smile on his lips. 

"Princess promise, sweetie!" Kenneth agrees, drawing an X over his heart and I realize it's probably something he's been doing since Kai or Leilani were really small. Kai and Leilani are on the porch with a blanket over their shoulders, waving at Kai's friends of nearly 15 years and her childhood friend of close to 30 years. 

She and JC have been whispering between conversations with one another, probably planning things to do alone on New Years. "Halina, Jessica," Kai calls them. 

"Mikkaila?" Halina replies.

"Yeah?" Jessica answers. She gets to her feet and motions for her two older sisters to follow her, the three women leaving the room.

I look at Nick and Aaron, wondering if I should ask and shake the thought from my mind. Nick shoots me a curious glance, his brows furrowed. I motion for him to forget it and he shakes his head to signal that he won't. 'Never mind,' I mouth.

Again, he shakes his head to continue our silent argument. I nod my head, waving it off. We do this for awhile, Aaron leaving the room in his frustration. Nick narrows his eyes and mouths his special nickname for her, my head bouncing up and down to confirm his suspicion. I look around and lean forward, motioning for him to do the same. Once his face and mine are a mere couple inches away, side by side mind you, I take a deep breath. "What does she mean when she says something like 'small quirks about me that you'll soon be used to and are more amusing than worrisome'? I'm kind of afraid to know what they are," I whisper in his ear and he bursts out in a fit of laughter. "What? I don't find it funny!" I growl at him. 

"Her 'smaller quirks' are harmless and happen very sporadically," he explains, his arm cradling his middle and sighs. 

"How harmless?"

"Extremely. The only time you have to worry about Boog is when she blacks out, but I'm sure Deven warned you."

"Kind of, but not in great detail. She told me not to piss her off."

"All I'm gonna tell you is if she blacks out, run and hide."

"Why?"

He feels the top of his head, bowing it as he shows me a scar three inches behind his hair line. "She almost gave me a concussion when I was a teenager, she was about 12 when she did it."

"That would mean you were about..." I think aloud, one eye closed. 

"Fifteen and in between tour dates in Europe, we had two or three weeks off and by the time we had gotten on stage again, it had pretty much healed up. Two years later is when I asked her out, but nothing much happened between us."

"Doog!" Mikkaila scolds him and he smirks. 

"He asked a question and I answered him honestly, Boog, promise."

"Not the point! Hope hopasop topo looearopnop onop hopisop owopnop," she argues. 

"It is the point, he needs to know about your boplooacopkop outopsop!" he shouts. 

"I haven't had one since 2014, Nickolas!"

"After it finalized," he states. 

"Yeah."

"How can I tell when one is about to happen?"

"JC, it's as simple as her whole body is tensed up and she has the 'someone is gonna die' look," Nick explains to me. 

"She had them ALL the time when she was a teenager!" Aaron shouts from the kitchen. 

It's now the end of April and I had spent from December until early March with her and the kids, New Year's was spent out alone together as adults. She's almost done thoroughly cleaning all three buildings while still working 47 hours a week, managing the kids and handling life in general which includes all us guys. 

I pull up to her house and see a yellow VW Bug parked outside her garage, knowing her green Kia Sorento is parked in there as I wonder who could be here. I walk inside, greeted by her laughter that's obviously accompanied by another female. Who is this person? I walk downstairs and see a woman around her age helping her put up more glow in the dark items in the glow room, more black lights and lean on the doorframe. This woman has almost black hair, wide hips and a little girl and a boy near Grahm's age. The woman is thick with curves, but not too thick and has a laugh close to Mikkaila's. "I see you put the key I gave you to use," Mikkaila teases me, the other woman turning on her heel to look me over and the two children decide to dismiss me after scanning me quickly. 

"Yeah. I'm J-osh," I say, correcting myself before saying my stage name and offering my hand to her friend.

"I'm Aly, one of Elise's childhood friends and it's been nearly thirty years of craziness," her friend introduces herself to me, embracing my hand with hers. She's acting kind of sketchy, maybe because she thinks I'm not worth Mikkaila's time and just trying to protect her childhood friend. I look at Mikkaila and she blushes.

"Can I talk to you, Mikkaila?" I request, slightly nodding up toward the main floor of her quaint home. 

"Sure?" I follow her lead into her room, closing the door behind me and she plays the radio at a level to ensure nobody is able to eavesdrop on this conversation.

"What's wrong?"

"She's being skittish and seems sketched out by me," I observe, telling her how her friend had acted. 

"She just doesn't know you yet." I sigh, feeling like it's high school all over again and drop my face into my hands. I look at her, beginning to talk with my hands.

"Mikkaila, I can tell when people don't like me and when they're being judgmental. Aly, she doesn't like me because I'm wearing the clothes I am right now. She thinks I'm nothing but absolute trouble for you based on my looks and not who I really am, the man YOU know me as and not like the paps have portrayed me as." My hands have been rapidly going in random directions as I talk, agitated as I speak my mind.

"She has been told you're NOT like that, Joshua," she growls at me, her hands angrily as she just about tears my head off.

"She doesn't seem to understand me as a person, for the man I really am, or for who I am and what I mean to you."

"She does!"

I heave a heavy sigh, frustrated over the matter and groan. "Grrrrr!"

I rush out of the room, quickly leaving her place and head for the house I bought a few months earlier. I ignored her calling after me when I I toss my keys onto the counter and drop my head onto its surface. "Why do they always stick together? Maybe birds of a feather truly do flock together." Yes, I'm thinking out loud to myself and answering my own questions. "Josh, they've known each other practically their whole lives. Maybe they talk about everything."

A few minutes of silence and then a rapping at my door, violently pulling me from my own thoughts. The door slowly opens and I hear Deven calling out my name from the front of my abode. "JC?!"

"Kitchen."

I can already tell she isn't happy with me by her voice and how she happens to be heavily walking toward me. "Elise is crying and all I could understand is that you're why!" she screams at me, stabbing me in the chest with a finger when I turn to face her. 

"I can tell Aly is judgmental and doesn't like me because of the paps, she won't even give me the chance to prove that I'm not that way."

"She is the type of person to sort of jump the gun sometimes."

"Just sometimes?"

"Ehhh, okay, a lot of the time," Deven confesses slowly.

"She looked me over and immediately brushed me off, labeling me just like the paps have ALWAYS done. I know I'm far from perfect, but I try to be a good guy. I know I fuck up sometimes, yet somehow I tend to fix it."

"JC," she laughs, "I've seen you calm her down when she was pissed, you've made her the happiest I've seen her be in 10 years. No one else has ever accomplished that since I've been around, but I've done my share of dabbling in the divorce and fucked up so much between her and Percy. I've also managed to save the friendship I nearly destroyed because I'd seen what I was doing wrong."

"Whoa! Back up. YOU fucked up things between her and Percy during their divorce? How the fuck did you manage that? How did you nearly destroy the friendship you two share? How did you realize you almost lost one of the best friends you could 'ever ask for' as you put it?"

"I would run my mouth and they'd fight and Aly made me realize it, made me back off to look at everything in a different light because she did the same, but stopped before the first court date because she always picked a side and then would flip flop. Elise always tried to treat us good, but she does have her days where she doesn't and Percy, don't EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HIS LOSER ASS! Don't get me wrong, Elise ALWAYS pushed me to follow my heart and believed in me. She always pushed me to better myself, always wanted me to succeed and always cheered me on every way possible. She never turned her back when I spent months doing nothing but that to her when she needed me most."

"Name a few times," I demand. 

"When she found out Leilani might be epileptic, which she is. When she found out about the hole in her mom's heart. When she found out her and two of the kids have the same thing. When she found out that she needed surgery a year ago and decided against it until a month ago, choosing to have it done after the guys come to stay here."

"She has a hole in her heart?" I repeat, feeling horribly for how I'd acted. 

"Yes. Her surgery is scheduled for Wednesday and is using her vacation time for it."

I push my hand through my hair and sigh. "I feel like shit now. Is that why Aly is there?"

Deven slowly nods her head. "Aly is only there until the kids all get home and will be taking them until next weekend, considering she goes for surgery in a couple days."

"It's in two days and I didn't deserve to know?"

"She didn't want to worry you, she knows you'd worry yourself sick about her."

"Who's her proxy?" I demand. 

"I am."

Aly picked up my babies at school and I've been sitting on my bed, leaning back against the wall with my legs pulled to my body and crying since Josh left. It's hurts to think he'd even CONSIDER that Aly wasn't going to give him a chance to prove the media wrong, that he's mad at me and Deven promised to at least try to talk some sense into him. I hear a car pull into the driveway and two doors close, wondering who it could be. I try to stifle my sobs, only to go into hysterics yet again. I hear them calling for me from the living room, but can't answer. I hear my door open and Josh tell Deven he found me. "I'm sorry for being mad over something so trivial," he confesses, sitting on my bed beside me and pulling his feet onto my unmade mattress. He envelopes me in his arms, holding me to him as I uncontrollably cry. 

"You want me to leave you lovebirds alone?" Deven questions. 

"Please? Leave the door open," he replies. A few minutes pass and he kisses the top of my head. “Mikkaila, I’m not mad at you; I just couldn’t grasp why your friend wouldn’t allow me to prove myself like I’d done with you and Deven.”

I sniffle, wiping my eyes with my long shirt sleeves and lean on him. “I’ve known Aly since I was barely 2, we went to daycare and preschool and kindergarten together. She was there when my dad nearly killed my mom, she was there when I came down with pneumonia,” I ramble, counting them off on my fingers.

“I understand that; I just don’t know why she doesn’t want to give me the chance to prove who I really am and not what the media claims.”

“But, Josh,” I begin, blubbering once more.

“Shhh, come here.” He holds me closer, his hands rubbing my back after I’ve turned into his body. “I’m more concerned about you than I am her.” I look up at him. “Yes, Deven told me about Wednesday. I’m planning on staying with you, if you want.”

“I’ll be in the hospital for a week or two, like Brian had been,” I murmur.

“If you want me there, I’ll deal with it. I’m only a call or text away,” he assures me. I wrap my arms around his chest and begin to cry again. “Please, don’t cry or you’ll get me to and I’m already trying like hell not to right now.”

~*~ 7:19 pm, Tuesday night before Surgery Day~*~

Josh is on my cell talking to Kenny, planning something that involves the kids and I. He laughs, his body shaking and now I’m completely awake now. I look up at him. “She actually just woke up. She’s looking at me.”

‘Put it on speaker for me to hear, please,’ I mouth and he nods, obliging my request.

“-nally rose from the land of the dead!” Kenny teases me.

I glare at the phone. “Ooooh, now you’ve done it,” Josh jokes.

“My surgery is at 6:15 tomorrow morning, Kenny. When will you and your minions be here?”

“Kaila, am I on speaker?”

“Maaaaaybeee,” I drawl, my Tennessee accent coming through and Josh scratches my head.

“You know I hate being on speaker,” he reminds me, highly annoyed.

“And you know I hate when you don’t stay long,” I fire back.

“I’m here for almost seven whole weeks of torture,” he informs me, laughing manically after.

“I’m gonna die…”

“It ain’t that bad,” he defends, not realizing I’m picking on him.

“From laughter!” I finish.

“You are just mean.”

“You LOVE us anyway,” I retort, smiling.

“Yeah, and you us as well.”

“Someone’s gotta.”

“When you gonna answer the man’s one and only question? He’s been waiting ‘bout six months for ya answer,” Kenny demands, changing the subject.

“Dunno.  Gotta get through the surgery and heal up from it, then I’ll get on figurin’ it out.”

“Snap to it, woman!” he jokes, cachinnating for a minute or two.

“I’ll get on it when I get to it,” I grumble.

“Soona the betta.”

I motion for Josh to hand me my cell and I take it off speaker, putting the device to my left ear before speaking. “Whachu mean by that?” I ask, tossing my left leg over his waist and maneuver my body upright to sit on his hips.

“He genuinely does like you, maybe even borderline love. Keep in mind, he does care and worry ‘bout ya. He’s tryna to move all his business to Boston to be near y’all and he has been faithful, although y’all ain’t even really together.”

“Really now?”

“Yes. He’s told his buddy, Justin, who’s told Nick who’s told me that he don’t feel right when he’s not near ya. He met you and waited the almost 3 weeks to text ya so he didn’t seem too…”

“Needy? Overbearin’? Attatched?” I offer.

“Yeah, those. The night before he got in touch with ya first, he had a dream that you ‘got away’ and his life was absolute hell. He gets it every damn time he ain’t at least in your town witcha.”

That’s  deep. ”I had no clue. What time y’all coming? You never said.”

“Kaila.”

“What time?” I repeat, slightly irritated.

“We planned on being at your place around quarter to five.”
“Gotcha. See ya then.”

“Lemme talk to ‘im, Kaila,” he demands.

I hold the phone out to Josh. “He wants to talk to ya.”

He grabs the phone gently, pressing a kiss to my lips as I lean forward. “Hello? Yes, I can.” He rubs the back of my thigh with his free hand and our eyes meet. “Could you please let me up?” I nod and get up to go to the bathroom.

After washing my hands, I glance in the mirror and decide on a shower. I grab my clothes and leave a note for him. I strip down and turn on the water, ensuring the fan is on to deal with the steam. I get in and wash up. I shave, careful not to knick myself or allow the conditioner to come out in the process. I rinse once more, pulling through my hair to get the conditioner out.

Now, it’s time to think about what Kenny told me. ‘He really cares about me. He might even love me. He worries about me. He has bad dreams when we ain’t close. We ain’t together together, but he’s as faithful and honest with me as I’ve been with him. He’s tryna to move his work out here? Why? Do I mean that much to him to do that? What was that dream he had? Mikkaila Elise, Stop!’ I take a deep breath. ‘Get a grip, girl. He likes you; you like him. He’s there for you; you’re there for him. Maybe it’s time to answer that question. You need to know if his dream is the nightmare you’ve had every time he’s been away.’  I sigh and decide to find a few things out, get a few answers before I give him a real answer.

Alright, there’s a couple things that you have got to know. I have NEVER clicked with anyone like this before at break neck speed. I have never fallen this hard with a clear head before. I couldn’t even IMAGINE finding another man like him EVER AGAIN. There has been an instant connection from moment one. I let him go just to see if he’d come back to me. He’s patient, understanding, caring, fantastic to my teens, helps when he can, talks to me, makes time for my friends and I and treats me so well. I couldn’t ask or dream for more. He even gets along with Doog and his friends and family!

“JC, you gotta tell her, man.”

“I know, I just don’t want to rush her,” I confess, lowering my head some and scratching the top of it.

“She’s afraid.”

“Of what?”

“Losing you. She doesn’t wanna lose you like she’s lost so much and for the first time in so long, she’s got something this good going and everything is just falling into place on its own for her.”

“Like what?”

“Her mortgage payments dropped, she got a raise at work, her kids are happy honor roll students, she’s happy, her kids like you and you always find the time for them.”

“Last time I opened myself up like you’re saying I should do, I was told that I was just a rebound that she couldn’t care less for.” I push my hand through my short dark hair, nervous.

“Kai isn’t like that.”

“How do you know?”

“I dated her and even when it did fizzle, we still came out as friends and still get along like we’ve always done.”

“So, she would be absolutely honest?”

“Unbelievably honest.”
“Alright, I’ll tell her.”

“Boog will appreciate it and the honesty of it will show her she can trust you more than she does now.”

“Okay, Nick. Thanks.”

“Don’t stress it.”

“I’ll try not to.”

“Just tell her everything.”

“Alright. I’ll talk to her.”

I go inside and find the note Mikkaila left for me. I sit on my bed, thinking of how to tell her and my nerves are on end.

“What’s wrong, baby?” I hear her greet the caller. “I just got your message. Whoa! Slow down, Stop crying. What happened with Brady? Oh, honey, I’m sorry he’s moving that far away, but he has no choice. I know it’s not fair, but he’s part of a military family. I’ll see what can be done. Yes, I’ll talk to Kristi and Blake about it tonight.” She drops her phone and I hear her pick it up, laying back on the bed with my hands under my head. I’d left it on the end table by the bathroom door a few minutes into her shower and she must’ve gotten out to a call coming in, but I can tell it’s her daughter by her tone. Originally, I thought she was talking to another guy and, yeah, I’ll admit I got jealous for a few seconds. “Yes, baby, I promise. Josh will be there if he wants to be. Love you, too. It’s not until July, I might be able to finagle something. Sleep tight, Baby Boog.”

She comes out, wrapped in just a towel and one around her hair, worry written across her features. Although I heard her phone call with Leilani, I’m going to act as if I hadn’t. “What’s wrong? You look frazzled,” I say pulling her onto my lap.

She sits sideways and she kisses my lips softly. “Leilani’s boyfriend might have to move to Hawaii come July and she wants me to talk to his parents tonight.”

“Why would he have to move there?”

“His dad, Blake, is in the Marines.”

“How do you know this kid’s parents?”

“I went to school with them and hooked them up in eighth grade. His dad was a friend of mine.”

“When did you move back up here?”

“Just before eighth grade, when Ma ran from him.”

“Your dad?”

Nick told me about that. “Yeah, that asshole,” she confirms, venom contained in the last word.

“So, go ahead and call his parents and invite them over,” I agree without her asking.

“Are you sure?” She seems nervous about me meeting them.

“If it means Leilani being happy, of course,” I reiterate, placing my hands on her hip and thigh.

She nods and pulls her phone up from her lap, going through her contacts. She puts the device to her ear and sighs. “Blake, would you be willing to stop by my friend’s place and talk about other arrangements for Brady so he won’t have to move away? Yes, they might as well come with you. Yeah, Maddie’s old place. Okay, see you then.” She tosses her phone onto the bed by the pillows.

“When did they say they’d be by?”

“Around nine tonight and he’s bringing Kristi and Brady.”

~*~9 pm, Tuesday night~*~

I sit on the couch, my forearms resting on my legs barely above my knees and she answers the door moments after someone knocks. I snap my head up to see a boy about 16 or 17 with sandy blonde-brown hair and a build like Lance had during our NSA days, flanked by a woman who looks like a lighter haired and fairer complected version of Mikkaila and a man with the same color hair as the boy with a military build. They must be Brady, Blake and Kristi.

“You can sit in the living room. Kristi, Blake and Brady, this is Josh.”

“Nice to meet you,” they simultaneously greet me.

“Josh,” she calls out to me.

I extend my hand and smile, shaking their hands in the order I’d listed. “You must be Brady, Leilani’s boyfriend; Kristi, his mom; and Lance Corporal Blake. Elise told me about your family’s situation, albeit vaguely.”

“You seem like you’re familiar with military life,” Blake comments, his eyes now locked on mine. They’re hazel, more golden brown than green. His eyes are making think of one of my childhood friends from Bowie.

“Do you have family from Bowie?”

“My cousin.”

“Kace?”

“Yes.”

“Remember his friend?”

“Just his last name.”

“How many siblings?”

“Two, one of each. His dad is former Army and his mom was Karen. They lived five houses down across the road.”

“I haven’t seen you in 30 years!” I shout joyously, smiling with him. Long story short, his family moved away a couple months after we moved to Orlando.

“Joshua Chasez!” he exclaims, pulling me into a tight embrace.

It’s been forever since I’ve seen this guy and now it’s like we never lost contact.

“How are Karen and Roy? Heather? Tyler?”

“Mom and dad moved to Chicago almost 20 years ago; Heather is a proud owner of a bakery/restaurant and has two kids with her husband of ten years; Tyler just had a little girl with his fiancé about 2 years ago,” the man I remember being 14 and leaving for Orlando, months before I decided to join the military on my 17th birthday.

I had been 12, giving me 5 years or so to get ready.

He always kept us all in line, made sure we were out of trouble and got acceptable grades. He looked out for the ten or fifteen of us kids. Our group consisted of me, Heather, Tyler, Kace, Abbie, Mike, Carrie, Jake, Bobby, Joanie, Jesse, Jeff, Caralyn, Sharon, and of course, Josh. We all lived within a couple blocks of each other.

When he was 19 or 20, he came back to see everyone and I’d already gone to AIT for the Marines. I was sent out to Japan by then, having lived there for just over a year. I finished school a year early because I’d started a few months early, turning 18 five months after the graduation. This was back before the age restriction.

“So, what have you been up to?”

“I acted, sang and danced on the Mickey Mouse Club, was part of *NSYNC, went solo, and now I write and produce. I’m managing this girl group, Girl Radical.”

“Wait, what name did you go by?” I inquire curiously.

“JC Chasez.”

“You’re the guy Elise obsessed over! No wonder you looked so familiar!”

We laugh, both women and my son exchanging odd looks. “Brady, you remember Tyler, right?”

“Yeah…” He last saw Tyler four years ago.

“This is his brother.”

“The one in LA?”

“Yes, son.” I’m beaming with pride.

“It’s a privilege to meet you, my dad’s told me about you guys as kids.

“Wait just a minute!” Elise shouts over the clamoring. “He’s the goodie two shoes Josh you always talked about all through high school? The one that wouldn’t stay out past curfew by more than fifteen minutes? The same one who walked you and your friends home every night?” she demands, pointing at him while she eyes me.

He turns beet red. “Yeah, that was me,” he admits.

She hugs and kisses him, sitting across his lap. “And to think I’ve known you personally for close to a year, but have heard about you for over 20 years.”

They seem so content with each other.  “Are you still strict about schooling?” I ask, not wanting to break up their tender moment.

“Yeah, when I need to be.”

“Do you have somewhere he could stay?”

“Depending on his age is whether he stays here or next door,” Josh replies, seeking information.

“He’s 17, has his license and is a junior.”

“Okay. Does he have a car?”

“Remember my dad’s ’68 Thunderbird?”

“How could I ever forget?” he chuckles, holding Elise tightly and kissing her neck and shoulder.

“That’s his car.

“Do he and Leilani go to school together?”

“They go to Monty Tech,” Elise, Kristi and I chorus together. “Stop it.”

“Wow! That’s strange.” Josh glances at each of  us.

“Where would he stay?”

“They do it all the time,” Brady comments, unphased.

“Stop texting,” Kristi commands, annoyed.

Josh puts his hand out. “Please, Brady.”

He groans, but complies. “No fair.”

“Brady Austin,” I scold him.

“He’ll be staying next door on the second floor,” Josh informs me, dismissing Brady’s complaint.

“He works part time Sunday through Thursday at K-Mart until he graduates.”

“When does he turn 18?”

“March 9th,” the four of us reply.

“Alright.”

“I’ll be working days at Tyco next June or July and go to school at night and online for Computer Information Systems and Automotive,” Brady tells him.

“$700 sound fair?”

“For what?” Josh asks, Elise’s expression demanding the same information.

“Room and board, the bills. I’ll be sure to send him money for food separately,” I assure Josh.

“$500 is the most I can accept,” Josh argues.

“I’ll put the other two in an account for him to go to college.”

“Agreed. B-Mikkaila, do you know how to write up a lease?”

“Kind of.”

“Did you almost call her ‘babe’ or ‘baby’?” Kristi asks.

He looks around nervously. “Kristi, it’s alright,” Elise calmly tells her, something clicking in my wife’s mind and our friends’ eyes shining with pure happiness.

“Wait, isn’t this the nameless guy you’ve been talking about all these months since the concert in June?”

She drops her head and giggles, wordlessly admitting it to us. “He’s a good man, one worth being with,” I inform her, vouching for one of my childhood friends from Maryland.

“Oh, y’all got a bromance happenin’!” Elise teases, Josh tickling her side in response.

I didn’t know Blake and Josh knew each other, but Blake vouched for him nonetheless. Kristi, Blake and Brady left an hour ago and we’re relaxing on the couch. The radio is softly playing, WAAF of course, and he’s sitting up with my head on his leg.

“If you had said you knew Blake Carlson, I wouldn’t have been so anxious,” he tells me, gently brushing his fingers around the sides of my face and smiling in a love drunk way.

“How was I supposed to know you guys grew up together?” I calmly reply.

He’s silent for a few minutes, just looking at me. “Could we talk about us for a few?”

“Sure.”

“I like you so much it scares me sometimes and I guess that I’ve been denying it from the beginning, but Nick told me to just tell you.”

“What else did he tell you?”

“That you don’t treat guys like they’re just rebound toys you’ll just heartlessly toss aside when you’re done playing with them.”

“That’s not something I’d do to someone I get involved with; I’ve had it happen to me.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes.

“You didn’t do it to me.”

“I do know how it feels, though.” Our eyes lock, a love sick look takes over his face and he smiles. “How about that answer?” he ruefully questions.

“When we’re done talking you’ll have that. Kenny told me you’ve had some pretty bad dreams when you’re not near me.”

“Yeah. It’s basically that we go our separate ways and my life goes to shambles, everything that could go wrong does for me and we don’t talk. I go into a deep depression, forcing Nick to drag you out to see me about five years later and it ends with us seeing each other. You just talk to me, but I can’t hear what we say after we meet up again and things fall into place,” he explains, studying my face.

“I’ve had almost the same dream,” I confess, looking away. “Nick comes to see me, telling me I’m going on a trip and I refuse, instead of listening to me argue with him is when he packs my bags for me. He puts them in his rental car, grabs my keys and phone, making sure to toss me over his shoulder. He locks my doors, puts me on my feet and tells me to get in the car. He won’t take no for an answer. He blindfolds me once we land at LAX and gets me into his car safely with my two bags, making a single call along the way. ‘You’ll like it, I know it,’ is what he tells the person. He and I argue over whether I’m able to take off the blindfold, his hand batting at mine when he threatens me with trapping me in Aaron’s spider room. I stop trying to take it off, but bitch at him the rest of the way. We stop, he helps me out of the car and up a small flight of stairs. Once in the door, he takes it off and I see you being miserable in your bed and you won’t roll over to look at me. I climb on your bed and hold you, making you look at me after awhile. You turn over and we lay there hugging, Nick beaming at his successful mission. The only downfall is that I can’t make out what anyone says from when I see you until after it ends.”

“Wow, maybe Nick and Kenneth are right,” he thinks out loud to himself.

“About what, Josh?” I demand, furrowing my brows.

“They said we seem right for each other and are probably meant for each other.”

“Like Nick and Lauren? Brian and his wife? Kevin and Kristen? Howie and Leigh? AJ and Rochelle? Justin and Jess? Joey and Kelly? Brady and Leilani?”

“Wait a minute, you know Justin, Joey and their wives?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“How?”

“Through Nick.”

“You know Lance?”

Now I have to try to remember who he is! Fuck! “Uh, maybe.”

“He’s with Michael, they’re married now.”

“Oh, James! Mich is so sweet and James has a heart of gold! Their daughter is beautiful!”

His head drops onto the back of his couch, groaning. “Why didn’t I meet you?”

I shrug. “Who knows?”

He sighs, pulling a photo album off the bottom part of the coffee table with his hand on the other side of himself and begins frantically flipping the pages like a man on a mission. I sit up, leaning on him and he moves it from the coffee table to his lap. “Who’s this girl with Nick, then?” he asks a few pages later.

I see my brace covered grin, my dark black JNCO jeans without rips in the knees (the only pair not falling apart) and my strapless blue leather snakeskin print halter top. My black hair is straightened with huge blue streaks in it, just before I turned 18 and about the time ‘Black & Blue’ came out. I groan, embarrassed and drop my head into my hand. “I thought I destroyed all copies or at least the part I’m in,” I admit.

“This is you?” he asks, pointing at my dorky 17 year old self.

I sigh. “Unfortunately.”

He eyes me curiously. “Mikkaila?”

~*~Flashback, Summer 2001~*~

My phone rings and I pick it up as hell to be woken up by a call. “What?” I groggily groan, dropping my face back onto the pillow.

“Hey, I want you to meet someone important to me.”

“Now?”

He laughs. “Before the next show. I already ran it by Johnny and he said you guys weren’t busy today.”

“Fine. Bring them to Lance’s and make sure they have swim gear.”

“Can do. What time?”

“One.”

I show up to Lance’s and see this girl with lightly tanned skin and black hair streaked with blue. She’s wearing black JNCO jeans, a medium black and blue sleeveless top and black and blue Adidas sneakers. Her hair is down around her shoulders, pin straight and her laugh is beautiful. I see Nick’s face peek around this girl’s side, smiling at me and gets up from his seat from in between her legs. “JC! You made it.” He checks his wristwatch and smirks on his way over to me. “45 minutes early even,” he jokes, shaking my hand and giving me a one armed hug.

“You’re riot,” I sarcastically reply, smiling.

“Boog, c’mere,” he calls, holding out a hand for her to take.

She gets up and walks over to stand beside him, holding his hand, She has a bitch pop in her free hand, passing it off to him and he takes a swig, dropping his hand to his side with his hand on the bottle’s neck. “Wassup?”

Even her voice is beautiful! She has nice tits, good size hips and refuses to open her mouth much. “Baby, you know how we’ve been talking about a JC for the past couple hours?”

“Mmmhmmm,” she hums, her cheeks beginning to turn rosy pink and holding a slight grin on her coral pink painted lips.

Her eyes finally meet mine and they’re a breath taking shade of green. “This is JC,” he informs her, motioning to me. She nods at me. “JC, this is my girlfriend, Kai.”

“You’re the one he’s been telling everyone about for the past couple years,” I tease, shaking her small hand and notice her AJ inspired black and blue manicured nails.

She blushes more and he places one hand on her hips farthest from himself, one of her hands most likely in his back pocket. “Thanks,” she bashfully responds.

Justin comes over and I stand beside Nick, smiling as usual. Nick bows down and whispers something to her and she sniggers, laughing once the camera is lowered. “We can do that on tour, considering Gin said you could join us as long as you’re tutored.”
“Yay! I never thought she’d allow it cuz we’re dating and all,” she quietly answers as I turn toward them.

I notice the braces, the pieces on her teeth being a nice shade of green and I mean a shade or two darker than her eyes. “She didn’t see a problem with it because it’s only a few months before the end of the year and you’ll be 18 in December anyway. We leave in April or May and you’ll be in Florida with me as of February break. We’ll have plenty of time alone.”

“Doog, you know I’m nowhere near ready,” she warns, cutting her eyes at him.

“No,” he chuckles, “to kick back, baby.”

He bends down to kiss her and she smiles, allowing his lips to brush hers gently. “Riiiiggggghhhhtttt,” she retorts, pulling him to sit by his side belt loop.

I join them in the backyard. “Go get your bathing suit on,” he softly requests, smacking her ass just as softly (she has a perfect bubble shape ass, may I add).

“Not if you forgot your manners.”

“Please?”

She’s gorgeous and won’t take shit from him. Nice!

She disappeared for a few minutes and reappears with a bikini on, 4 sets of strings holding it all together. Her belly button is pierced and a dolphin sits inside of her navel. She lays out a towel in the middle of the grass, dropping to her knees on it and fixes it so it’s as flat as she can manage to get it to be. Her rack looks amazing! “Don’t get caught staring,” Justin warns.

“Why’s that?”

“She’s his and he will get outright pissed about it.”

“It’s a free country,” I remind him. “I just can’t touch.”

“Too bad you’re with mega drama bitch, Bobbie.”

I roll my eyes and continue to watch her lay out. “Do you know what her nationality is?”

“Just she’s mainly European, Native American and South American.”

“I mean exactly.”

“No, we haven’t asked,” Lance supplies, walking past us and Chris taking a seat across the round patio table from me.

“You guys didn’t; I did. French, Irish, Scottish, British, Japanese, Ecuadorian, Brazilian, Blackfoot Native American, Sicilian, German, Guatemalan and Puerto Rican. I think that’s everything.”

“You forgot Portuguese and Trinidadian, Chris,” Nick comments, stopping behind me.

“Korean, Hmong and Croatian, guys,” she corrects us, walking by us to find Lance. I watch her voluptuous hips switch.

“Mmm,” Nick groans.

“Too bad she won’t,” I slyly remark, putting my Coors bottle to my lips.

“She won’t put out?” Justin remarks.

“Not yet,” Nick fires back.

“Lately I’ve come to find,” she softly sings, laying out with a Walkman beside her and we all roll our eyes at Hoku’s ‘Another Dumb Blonde’.

“Baby, come with me,” Nick calls for her, the two of them taking off for a few and coming back with Fiji waters. She lays back on her towel and relaxes.

I frown, realizing I’m getting up at 3:45 in the morning and I manage to get ready to go to my house without waking Josh. I bend over him on the bed and gently smile, calling his name softly as I rouse him from sleep by shaking him. He looks at me, waiting for his eyes to focus and steals a quick lip lock from me. "When do we have to be to your house for?" he asks, swinging his feet over the edge of the bed. The blankets are tangled around his waist, rubbing his face with his hands and groans. "I haven't been up this early in years, Mikkaila."

"I'm sorry for it being so early," I reply, his arms winding around my midsection and rests his head on my abdomen, making it possible for me to feel him smile against me in the darkness. "We need to be at my place in about half."

I cradle his head to my stomach, savoring the time with him alone. "It's nearly four, isn't it?"

"Yes. Kenny and his group will be at my house in 45 minutes."

"Mmm," he hums, kissing my belly.

I look down at him. "What's that for?"

"Hmm?"

"You kissed my stomach."

"Can't kiss you?"

"Thought it meant something other than that and you love me."

"Not yet, maybe someday." I glare at the top of his head and he tilts his back, our eyes locking. "Not any time soon, but maybe a few years from now."

"Josh, it's too soon to even entertain the idea."

"I know, but I'm trying to say that I've only felt like this about you and I know I can trust you with this responsibility."

"Maybe I don't want to be pregnant again," I argue, becoming upset over the matter.

"It's up to you when you're ready whether you want to adopt or have a child," he calmly informs me.

"Why me?"

"I know I could trust you, regardless of what happens to me."

"With the child?"

"With any child we have together, adopted or by birth," he confirms for me.

I softly push his arms away, texting my two closest guy friends and feel like I'm slowly losing my mind as he prepares to leave. 'What went wrong now?' I get from Kenny.

'He better not have left you an emotional mess.' Thanks, Doog.

'He's talking about having children with me bc he trusts me.' They both get the same text.

I get the same response from them both at the exact same moment. 'What? Has he lost his mind? Are you two even serious yet?'

'We just started being serious last night, but I believe it's too soon to even entertain the idea of having children together adopted or naturally.'

'You're damn straight it is! He needs to chill with that static!' Doog agrees with me.

'It is too soon, but think about it from his POV. He's in his 40s and you're in your 30s, almost to the danger zone if you try to have one naturally or via IVF and he has NO kids yet (but has always wanted some).' Thanks, Kenny, like I needed to be reminded of all that shit and then comes a second message. 'You trust him and like him? He does when it comes to you.'

I groan, proving Kenny right without him here and he knows it. 'I know, but KIM what I got told by the doc after Grahm and that's what I'm afraid of.'

'Kaila, you know he's known ya since you dated doofus major.'

'We pieced that together last night after he showed me a pic I hadn't seen in a decade or two.'

'He has loved you since then, still does and he respects you more than any other man you've been with has. He's proving it by telling you how much he trusts you with ANY child he may have, period.'

'What should I tell him?'

I bite my thumbnail, worry etched into my facial features and staring at my cell phone screen as I impatiently await his response since Doog stopped replying. 'Be honest, tell him what you were told... Just wait till after you're healed from the operation.'

I'm going to take his advice about this, but if it makes Josh run like a scared animal with his tail between his legs... Let's just say Framing Hanley will be a man down. I sigh, worried about not only my surgery and it just adds to the stress that I shouldn't have right now. Now I have to explain why having another child scares the shit out of me, especially if I have it naturally. I just don't want to chance either life if I carry his child, that's what scares me.

'Are you sure he doesn't have a child?'

'Are far as I know, he doesn't have any children.' I take a deep breath after Kenny sent that to me.

'To his knowledge, he has none...'

And Doog just scared the hell outta me, thanks dickface fucktard. Did I ever mention how much I loathe Doog sometimes? This is one of many.

I slowly wake up to Josh holding my hand, his smile greeting me warmly and he places a soft kiss to my forehead. "Hey, you're awake, sleepy head," he jokes.

"Yeah," I groggily reply, smiling.

"You're still drugged up on morphine and anesthesia."

His chuckle makes me giddy, like I wanna laugh. "You say so?"

A nurse comes into the room and smirks at us. "He doesn't, but I do," he interjects.

"Yay! A gay male nurse!" I blurt out, chortling after and I snort.

I'm too drugged to be embarrassed, making Josh laugh and the nurse even joined in on our chuckle fest. "Yes, I am very much gay, in both definitions of the word."

"One of our best friends is also gay and some of the best people to be around are, too."

"I actually have to agree. Are you gay, sir?" he asks Josh, my boyfriend's face flushing as he looks at me and I roar with laughter.

"Why does everyone assume that I'm anything but straight?" he grumbles under his breath, his head on the bed by my waist as his voice is muffled by the bed.

"I know you're straighter than a line that spans over 180 degrees, sweetie."

Josh's head snaps up, looking at the nurse and breaks into a fit of laughter like he used to do with James. "Yanking my chain just like our friend does every once in awhile." I look at him, rapidly tapping him with my fingertips. "What, Mikkaila?"

"Chace Crawford!" I shout.

He sighs, annoyed with the reminder of the rumors that had been around since he's known the younger man. "Nothing ever happened and you know other wise, Mikkaila Elise."

"Ooooh, I'm shaking in sparkling boots, space cowboy," I retort, ruefully teasing him.

"First, you bring up the rumors and now you take unfair jabs at one of my early songs?"

I fall into hysterics. "Whoa, Mikkaila, you can't get too excited or giddy at the moment now; it may rip open the small incisions," my nurse informs us. He and Josh exchange a knowing glance. "Believe me, she should be back to normal in the next few hours once the drugs wear off."

"She's nicer when she isn't doped up."

"Hey!" I shout.

"It's the truth, honey," he tells me, kissing the top of my head.

I pull up to the all familiar house Kaily got when Momma Gin passed away, my nerves on edge and kill the engine. I take a few deep breaths, rubbing my thighs quickly with my eyes closed. Now for the pep talk. "Vy, he might be your father, but mom never had a mean word when it comes to him. She told you he's a sweet guy with a big heart of gold, always warmly welcoming everyone. He's human, he has every right to have a bad day once in a while. Kaily is gonna be right there. You're gonna be just fine. Plus, Nick is here. You're safe and he won't harm a hair on your head."

I nearly jump out of my skin when I open my eyes. Imagine Nick with his face pressed to my side window, eyes all bugged out and puffing his cheeks out. I catch my breath, my hand over my racing heart as he opens the door and his laughter rings in my ears. I kick his leg and clamber out. "I couldn't resist," he claims.

"I'll getcha back," I tell him as we share a warm embrace.

"Yeah, yeah, Vya. Boog and JC are waiting for you. Kenneth and his band are here."

That's right, too. She just had the hole in her heart closed. "I haven't seen their sorry asses in a long time."

He steps beside me, slinging his arm over my shoulders protectively. "When was the last time you did?" he asks, leading me up the front steps.

"Nearly a year ago."

I walk in with Nick, Kaily's laugh greeting me and it's the kind that everyone has when they're being tickled mercilessly. "Joshua! Stoppit!"

"Mikkaila, no," I hear him argue with her playfully.

"I gotta peeee!" she whines, Nick and I chuckling.

"Lyvia?"

I turn to look at Kenneth, his jaw on the ground. "What's it to ya?" I joke with him, accepting his hug.

"Your ma wasn't kiddin' when she said you look just like Kai's boyfriend."

I see Kaily run for the bathroom. "Hey, Aunt Kaily!"

"Hi. Lemme pee and then I'll drag Josh out here if need be," she quickly rambles, rushing to relieve herself.

I lean against the doorway between the kitchen and living room, arms folded and look out the window. "Lyvia," Kenneth calls out to me, pointing behind me with a bemused expression taking over his face.

I turn to face a man I look practically identical to, his jaw going slack and I'm sure I look just as shocked as him. His hair is wavy and shoulder length, dark. His eyes are a perfect dark sky blue, just like mine are. My cheekbones are on his face, my nose and lips as well. I'm in sheer shock. "Mikkaila?" he calls over his shoulder, our eyes never breaking contact.

"Joshua?" she replies from the bathroom doorway.

"Is this the Olyvia I talked to earlier?"

"Yes, that Olyvia, Joshua."

"I don't think anyone else could be her father, well biologically."

"I know cuz I figured that back when I'd met you."

"How old were you in 01?" he asks me.

"Depending on what part of the year-"

"Summer," he quickly offers up.

"Then I was three years old."

"Wow. I feel like a shitty dad." He pushes his hand through his curlyish locks.

"You didn't know back then," Kaily and I remind him.

"Still going to feel like a shitty dad, regardless of knowing or not," he explains.

"Don't worry about the past, Josh. What matters is you know now and can begin to bond, to have a relationship with her as a dad." She hugs him and he kisses the top of her head, Deven teasing them. Kaily ignores it. "Josh, why don't you take her and one of the kids to get the rest of the stuff Doog needs for dinner?"

"Nick can cook now?" I joke, covering my mouth with my hand.

We both laugh. "Yes, since he's been off the heavies, he's doing more himself and he can make more than just sandwiches and junk. He uses fresh or frozen

foods only," she informs me, walking over to her cork board and getting the list, handing me the required piece of paper.

"Good, I was tired of mac and cheese by the time I was five." I go to the bottom of the stairs and look up them. "Lani! Allons-y!" I call up to her.

"Coming!" she shouts back, racing down the steps seconds later. She wraps her arms around me and hums when I hug her back. "I missed you, Lyvie."

"Missed you more. Get your sneakers on, we're going to the store with.." I trail off, not knowing what to call him.

"Josh is fine if you're not comfortable enough," he assures me that he won't be mad.

"Josh to get what Doogie needs." Lani has always called Nick by his nickname, having heard her mom call him by that more than his actual name.

The entire way to Leominster WalMart, Lani is asking me a million and one questions about Josh. "So, Auntie Clary and Josh dated, but she broke up with him when she got pregnant with you? Why?"

"She didn't want to hold him back from the success he's had."

"She didn't want his money?"

"No, just like Aunt Kaily doesn't want him for his money, either."

"Why are you and momma together?" she demands, focusing on him.

"We make each other happy and from what your mom said, you and your brothers like having me around. I enjoy the time we have, it's nice to be involved in your lives."

"Can I call you 'dad'?"

He and I look at each other. "I don't know how your mom would feel about it, we should talk to her first." My mom always told me he has always been the cautious kind of guy, always considerate of everyone else.

"Just like mom told me," I mumble to myself.

"What was that, Olyvia?" he asks me, pulling into a parking spot.

"Mom always said you've always been considerate of everyone around you and cautious."

"Of course, it helps keep everyone happy most of the time," he confirms.

"Always the peacekeeper," I tease.

He shrugs. "Better than starting bullshit."

"True. You been good, Lani?"

"Of course not," she says, nodding with a grin as she falls into step with me.

"Your brothers?"

"Since Mickie stopped taking the ADHD meds, he's been great and Grahm has his days."

"Auntie Kaily?"

"Much better since Josh started coming around, happier and calmer."

I look at him, wondering why he sticks around. "How long have you known her? Been with her?"

He snaps his head in my direction. "I've known her about a year and we've been together since Christmas Eve."

"Do you ever wonder what she was like before you?"

"Excuse me?" they both reply.

"As a person, a mom, a kid, a woman, a daughter?"

"Between her and Nick, I don't have the chance to wonder."

"Lots of photos and videos?"

"Yes, and letters and stories. I've seen, read or heard it all, Olyvia," he replies, chuckling.

I smile and we begin shopping for what Nick needs for dinner, enjoying ourselves. Now I understand why mom used to tell me I'm just like my dad, we have the same personality and do a lot of the same things, but it took meeting and bonding with him. "She is right... Daddy," I tell him, smiling at him.

"Who's right about what?" I just confused him.

"Mom said I'm just like you."

"I can tell. You're calm, a peacekeeper and you handle Leilani pretty close to the way I do," he agrees. "You also have your mom's brains."

"But I talk the same way you do, daddy."

"Comfortable enough to call me dad already?" he teases, pulling Lani and I to him for a quick group hug.

"Yes," us girls honestly reply, welcoming and returning his warm embrace.

"Leilani, we will see what your mom says about you calling me dad. Olyvia, I'm glad Mikkaila had us meet. You two are my little girls, no matter what age you are."

They walk back into the house, laughing and I know I did the right thing. I smirk, washing the last dish and check the pot on the stove. They systematically put away the food and reusable bags where they belong, Josh kissing my cheek. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, mami," he replies, leaning on the counter closest to the fridge with his palms on the counter top. "Leilani wants to call me her dad."

"Are you comfortable with her calling you that?"

"I'm fine with it as long as you are."

I smile, glancing at him and place the last plate in the strainer. "Josh, if she sees you as her dad, who am I to tell her otherwise? She looks at you like her dad and you treat her like she's your own daughter. She confides in you, trusts you and loves you."

He nods, understanding. "Did you know Claryssia died in a car wreck last week?"

She's dead? Car wreck? Where? Why wasn't I informed? Does Doogie know? When is the wake? The funeral? The burial? The pot begins to boil over, the liquid portion of the contents spilling onto the burner bringing me back to reality. I rapidly stride over to it, turning down the heat and stirring it. "I just heard the food boiling over," Doog comments, justifying his hurried movement into the kitchen from the computer room. I feel his eyes on me, wondering why the air is so heavy in here. "Another fight?"

"No," I reply, not really explaining anything.

"Disagreement?"

"No."

"Boog, tell me why it seems so depressing in here."

"Clary died in a car wreck."

I hear his feet rapidly stalk to the bottom of the steps. "Olyvia!"

"What, Nick?" she yells from Leilani's room.

"Come down and talk to me in the computer room, NOW," he demands, being stern so she knows it's a serious matter. I hear her footsteps quickly descend the steps, closing the computer room door.

"I understand why you got quiet as fast as you did, she's one of your best friends and nobody will ever take her place," he tells me, slowly approaching from behind and holds me by the waist, placing his head onto my right shoulder.

"Do you really understand what she is to me?"

"All I know is that she's been one of your best friends since forever and is an irreplaceable person. She will always be the mother of my daughter, but I don't know how I really feel about this whole thing."

"You wanna know how you should feel?" I demand, spinning in his loose grasp to face him with anger flowing through me. "You should feel sad or bad or upset. You should want to comfort your girlfriend over the loss of one of her closest friends, knowing that we will never get her back regardless of what we try to do."

Damn it all to hell! Here come the water works. He pulls me close, one hand quickly stirring the contents of the pot and kisses my forehead. "I do feel bad about it, but I'm just as helpless as you are about it. I'm trying to comfort you and you're so hurt that you're mad at me. You're an emotional wreck and don't know how to direct it or control it, so you need to lash out. That's fine by me and it might be how you deal with it, but I'm not walking away because you're obviously heartbroken over the loss of your best friend."

She begins hyperventilating and I have no idea what to do. "Niiiiick!" I scream, frightened.

He barrels in to the kitchen, pulling her from me and lifts her arms while talking her down from it. "Kai, breathe. Things will be different, but we're all still here for each other and we won't leave you alone ever. Promise. Right, JC?"

"Of course, promise. Why would I walk away from you when you need me the most? That doesn't make any sense."

Deven walks in the room, sees her having a panic attack and lays into me. "Really? You had to get her all riled up again?"

"Deven, fuck off," Nick bites, "She and I just found out about Clary's fatal accident." Deven must feel like an ass now, jumping to conclusions without any facts just because she barely walked into the door and walking in on the scene in front of her. She rushes outside, making sure she slams the door, speeding away from here.

"Leilani, call Deven," Nick orders Mikkaila's daughter, more focused on calming not only Mikkaila. He looks at her. "You good?"

She sniffles, nodding to confirm she's going to be okay. "Come here, Mikkaila," I softly request, brushing her side and she buries her face in my chest and Nick tends to the pot on the stove.

Nick and I spent the past hour calming her down, Kenneth eyeing me. "Can everyone stop thinking he did something wrong when it wasn't his fault?" Nick demands, Kenneth's hands going up to silently say sorry.

His band mates look at him and the three of us. "We'll find out when Nick tells us in a bit. All I know it's not something Josh did," he tells them, walking through the archway to the patio.

I realize she's stopped crying, Nick signaling that I need to be quiet. He pulls her from me, very slowly, and I get up so he can lay her down on the couch. He motions like he's pushing me out the door, pointing in the direction Kenneth and the band are. He places a blanket on top of her sleeping body, moving in the general direction I'm in. "Go outside; we have to talk to Ken and the guys," he whispers. "Go, go, go."

We get outside and the five band members look at the two of us. "Kaila asleep?" Ryan greets us.

Nick and I nod. "Yeah. The whole reason why she was upset is Claryssia died in a tragic accident and she lost it when he told her because only Liv, him, and her family knew."

"Isn't that Liv's mom?" Chris asks.

"Her mom is my cousin on my mom's side, so it would've made sense that I knew the day they all found out, but that would be something nice which that doesn't happen on that side of the family."

"Talk about low blows." Kenneth hit that nail right on the head.

"How'd you know before her?"

"When we got back and everything set up for Mikkaila, Liv pulled me aside to tell me. I thought of Mikkaila first, telling her right off the bat," I admit.

"By tech-" Ryan begins, Nick cutting him off.

"No, it means he's worried about her and wanted to take on the responsibility of letting her know what happened because he's better to her than I had been." He swallows. "If you want to blame anyone, you should blame me for not finding out sooner."

"Don't I feel like an ass," Kenneth comments, hanging his head. "Sorry, man. Truce?" he offers, reaching his right hand out to shake on it.

"Yeah, truce," I agree, our hands locking together and quickly shaking on it. "I know that I'm new to this circle and it'll take some time before we iron everything out to make clear understandings."

We begin laughing and joking, Olyvia coming out to give us hot chocolate and stand out there with us. Kenneth looks at her, my face becoming serious. "Josh, can I talk with you alone?" he asks, nodding toward the yard.

"Sure," I agree, following him to the far end of the yard. He's in his thirties and Liv's just getting into her twenties. Always consider that I just found out that she's most likely my daughter and I barely know Kenneth and his band mates.

"I know you're probably going to tell me to go fuck myself, but I was wondering if I could possibly take Via out for dinner tonight?"

"Just dinner?" I demand, crossing my arms like a protective father would do.

"Maybe a movie, if you allow it," he adds, shrugging. I begin to open my mouth to answer him, his hands going up between us and shut up. "Look, I've already talked to your daughter and I like her, but I don't want to make a move unless you give your blessing first. I wouldn't dream of rushing into anything. I know you're protective of her and you have all the right intentions and I know that it was Clary that walked out, taking your daughter from you. You're trying to make up for lost time, I understand. If you were going to tell me to wait, I'll respect that and just get to know her better."

I smile. Maybe he's a good person. "All I ask is that you respect her and treat her how you'd like another guy to treat her if she were your daughter."

He pulls his head back a few inches. "Is that a no?"

I shake my head. "It's a yes and from what Mikkaila tells me, you're a better gentleman than Justin and that you're more like Lance. I'd rather my daughter date someone with Lance's personality and mannerisms, also his upbringing."

"She's got a big mouth; Mikkaila."

I nod. "When it comes to being a parent, she's just looking out for Liv and I. She told me what you're like and that you have a crush on my daughter. You also need to keep in mind that I had no clue about Liv for 22 years."

He nods. "I know; Liv told me."

"Mikkaila is just trying to keep everyone neutral. I've known for a few days. Just take it slow with my little girl."

He holds his hand up like he's being sworn into court, his other hand over his heart. "I promise you that I'll be respectful and a true southern gentleman, through and through."

"It's all I ask."

"Thanks. We should get back to the gathering before they come over thinking I'm being a threatening asshole to you," I comment, dropping an arm over his shoulders and leading him back to the patio. "Kiss her cheek to let her know I approved of you two going out."

"Alright, I will."

"PG and respectful, take it slow."

"Like I'd expect some little punk to do if I have a little girl."

"Keep that in mind, no matter how ridiculous it may seem."

He laughs a little, my hand clapping him on the shoulder opposite of me. "I will."

"Go kiss her cheek," I tell him, nearing the middle of the yard and he smiles at me before racing off to do as I said.

I get to the top step, seeing his hands on her waist with their foreheads pressed together and her arms around his neck. He kisses the tip of her nose, his lips move to her cheek and kisses her there. "What did my dad say?"

"He said as long as I respect you and treat you like a true southern gentleman should, we can be together."

She glances at me and I nod once to confirm that's the agreement. She smiles at me, thanking me for the permission. "He's always had his heart in the right place," she tells Kenneth.

"That's what I've heard," he says, hugging her. He looks at me over her shoulder during their embrace. 'Thanks for letting me be with V,' he mouths, an appreciative grin on his face.

I wave at it, signaling that it's no problem. I feel Nick standing beside me as I shove my hands into my pockets. "It takes a huge leap of faith to allow that."

"Or just a good dad," I agree, adding my thought on it.

"You do know that they have 12 years between them, right?"

"I know."

"Kai told you."

"Yes."

"Why allow it?"

"It's either I allow it and tell him what I expect or they go behind my back and do it. I'd rather know who to castrate if my little girl ends up pregnant. Or marries. He had a great deal of respect for her and I to come to ask for my permission before dating her."

"True. It takes some balls to even ask the father for his blessing on any part of the relationship."

"Like you would know," I say, laughing after.

"And you would?"

"Yes, I would. I asked for your uncle's permission to date her and for his blessing if I could have her hand in marriage, but then she ran off the day before I planned on asking her. She broke up with me and left, so I never had the chance to ask. I haven't been the same since. Every relationship progresses so slowly that most women in the entertainment business end it before it can get past the dating and fucking me."

"Uhm, wow."

"Now, it's my turn to see how much I can trust him."