My heart was beating in my throat. I’ve never had a panic attack before, but I think this may be the first of many. I stood on the balcony of our room looking at the picturesque countryside below me. People spend thousands of dollars for a view like this, I need to calm down and enjoy it. 

“You ok?” I turned around to see my boyfriend leaning against the doorframe wearing a pair of black dress paints, a light blue button down shirt, and his signature Converse sneakers. 

I nodded my head and reached back to grab his hand, pulling him out with me. “It’s just so beautiful.”

Vinnie laughed and wrapped his arms around me from behind, moving my long blonde hair to the side so he could kiss my neck gently. “Yeah, the old country is pretty beautiful.”

“And your family left it for Boston, of all places.” I said with a half smile, laughing as he pinched my side. “We’re in a castle, a literal castle.”

He laughed again, pretending not to be as impressed by this as I know he is. He turned me around and I draped my arms over his shoulders. “That’s what happens when you’re friends with Jessica Biel.”

“I’m not friends with Jessica Biel.”

“Justin Timberlake,” he corrected himself with a slight eye roll, we’ve had this discussion plenty of times but he seems to like the idea of me being friends with Jessica more than he likes the idea of me being friends with Justin. “That’s even a bigger deal.”

“Are you going to go all fangirl on me? Try not to be too embarrassing.” 

“I don’t even know what that means,” he answered with a smile, “All I’m saying is he’s in movies, and his music isn’t half bad either. What’s the last movie Jessica Biel was in? I Know What You Did Last Summer?”

“I don’t think that’s the one she was in.”

“Really? Shit, which one then?”

“I’m not sure,” I answered honestly, laughing at the look of concern that covered his face.  

“How are you not sure? She’s your friend.”

“She’s not my friend! I’ve never even met her before.”

“Why do you have such a problem with being her friend?” he teased with a smile, “How am I supposed to make small talk if I don’t even know which horror movie she was in?”

“Well, you’re obviously not going to make small talk about her movies. You can’t be serious. Right? You’re not serious?”

A big, goofy grin covered his face before he wrapped his arms around me again, “I had you going there…”

“You’re such a jerk. I’m stressed.”

“I know. Why are you so stressed? We’re in Italy! Calm the fuck down.” He kissed me gently before slapping my ass, “We’re going to be late.”

“Good, let’s not go.”

“Should we skip the whole thing? Just use them for the free flight and do our own thing? We could hitchhike.”

“Or we could just steal a bottle of wine and hit the tub,” my suggestion seemed a little more realistic.

“There’s a Jacuzzi tub in our castle,” Vinnie replied in awe, finally admitting his excitement about this dream like castle we’re staying in for a few days.  “How am I supposed to go back to my shit box apartment on the North End after this?”

“Maybe you should work a little harder?” I suggested with a smile. 

“Maybe you should publish some more books,” he smirked before grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the door, “Let’s go. The sooner we get there the sooner we can steal that wine and take a bath.”

~*~*~*

We walked through the castle and out to the garden and I was still in awe. It’s been awhile since I left LA, since I left behind this life of excessiveness. Sure, I was friends with Justin awhile ago and we’d all go on crazy trips to resorts that cost more for a night than a normal person gets paid in a month. Even back then I was impressed, but this castle, this elaborate Italian wedding, is insane even compared to those days. 

I froze as we stood at the door to the garden; it was like looking out into a fairy tale. I’m already nervous and feel like I’m going to pass out and I haven’t even seen anyone I know yet. 

Vinnie sensed my nerves and squeezed my hand gently, before whispering in my ear,  “Seriously though, was it The Illusionist or The Prestige? I always get them confused.” 

I laughed and playfully pushed him away, “Stop!”

“Fine, but when I fail the test at the end of the night, you’re going to be sorry.”

“The test? Is that how you think these things work? We get tested about the bride and groom at the end of the night? Is this the first wedding you’ve ever been to?”

“No, but it’s my first Hollywood wedding. I can only assume it’s going to be all about them, arrogant, self-centered celebrities and what not.”

“Justin’s not like that.”

“And what about Jessica Biel?” 

“I don’t know. I’ve never met her!” I shouted.

Vinnie laughed and wrapped his arm around my waist, “Shh, Arianna calm down. You’re embarrassing me in front of these Hollywood types.”

“I want to strangle you,” I laughed as I playfully placed my hands on his neck, “You’re kind of amazing, thanks for chilling me out.”

He smiled his sexy smile and made me really want to skip this whole rehearsal dinner and just go back to our castle bedroom.  I got on my tippy toes to kiss him softly. 

 “Shut the fuck up!” I heard a familiar voice behind me and pulled away from Vinnie. “I didn’t know you were coming! Does J know you’re here? Fucking hell Daria, of course I hear some crazy girl screaming and it’s you. Where’s your glasses?” Trace, Justin’s oldest friend laughed as he pulled me away from Vinnie and into a hug. He looked at Vinnie quickly, “Hey man,” then turned his attention back to me, “Where the hell have you been? Does J know you’re here?”

 “Hi Little Foot,” I answered with a smile, “This is my boyfriend Vinnie, Vinnie this is Trace but you can call him Little Foot.”

“You can not call me Little Foot,” Trace answered quickly before shaking Vinnie’s hand, “What the fuck? Nobody has called me that in years,” he chuckled before placing an arm around my shoulder, “So, how are you? This girl here, oh boy do I have some stories for you. She’s such a trouble maker, I’m sure you know that though, she couldn’t have grown out of that.”

Vinnie laughed, “Nope, still a trouble maker.”

I dramatically rolled my eyes. 

“Beer pong champion”

“Of course, she got me plenty gift certificates with that arm.” 

“Like that’s something to be ashamed of,” I’m very proud of my beer pong skills, who wouldn’t be? “Anyway,” I continued before he really did embarrass me. “ How have you been? You’re all married and grown up, huh? Thanks for the invite to your wedding, by the way.”

Trace laughed, “Come on now Ari, it was a small family thing. I haven’t seen you in years, you understand.”

“Sure, I understand. This is a small family thing too, just, ya’know putting it out there.”

“Yeah but Justin was always able to put up with you more than I was.”

I laughed, I missed this guy. “People always ask me why I left LA, and here’s the real reason. This guy, right here.”

Vinnie laughed, “I like him. I have some Arianna stories I’m sure you’d love to hear.”

I gave Vinnie a death glare before spotting Justin on the other side of the garden. He noticed me and smiled brightly, quickly making his way over. For a second it felt like everyone else disappeared.  He quickly grabbed me in his arms, without saying a word, and lifted me up hugging me tighter than I’ve ever been hugged before.  “I’m so happy you’re here,” he whispered in my ear before placing me down, “You made it!”

“Of course I made it! I wouldn’t miss this,” I grabbed his cheeks in my hands, “You’re getting married!”

“I’m getting married!” he repeated with a chuckle, grabbing my face the same way, “How are you? Was the flight ok?”

“It was great, thanks so much for getting us a flight, you really didn’t have to do that.”

“Of course I did. You didn’t want to fly on the jet so it’s the least I could do. I mean you came all the way out here.” Yeah, he’s right. It was such torture to get a free trip to Italy.

“It was the nicest flight we’ve ever been on. I’ve only ever walked past the pods before.” Vinnie said with a smile, placing a hand on the small of my back.

“Yes, it’s true. Sorry, this is Vinnie, my boyfriend. This is Justin.”

“Nice to meet you, man.”

“Yeah, you too. Congratulations.” Vinnie said. 

“Thanks,” Justin answered quickly before continuing, “I don’t know where Jess is, you’ve met her, right?” I shook my head, “Really?”

“I think you guys started dating after I left.”

Justin nodded his head, “She’s’ around somewhere. My mom’s around too, have you seen her? She’ll want to see you.” He paused as he looked around the garden, “Let’s go catch up,” he grabbed onto my wrist, “Go sit over there, I’ll get some wine.”

“OK, thanks,” I said as Justin let go of my wrist and I walked with Vinnie, whose arm was still on the small of my back.

Vinnie gave me a look as we sat down at a small garden table to the side, “What?” 

“Nothing. He seems… cool.” Vinnie paused, running a hand through his hair, “Did you guys ever date?”

I couldn’t help but laugh, “Date? No way. Just friends.”

He nodded his head, “Nothing I need to worry about then.”

“Seriously?” I laughed, “Of course not, he’s getting married.”

“And if he wasn’t getting married?”

“Then we wouldn’t have gotten a free trip to Italy,” I smiled and placed a hand on his lap, “honestly Vinnie, he’s just an old friend. Nothing ever happened. He only dates movie stars, and I only date hot Italian guys from Boston.”

“Alright,” Vinnie laughed, kissing me gently and placing his arm around me.

Justin came back with a glass of wine in each hand, handing me one and sitting down at the table. “So how’s everything? This is crazy, right?”

“So crazy,” I agreed. I haven’t seen him in three years and now here we are, the night before his wedding. This is all beyond crazy.

Justin looked over at Vinnie for the first time realizing he didn’t get him a drink, “Oh shit, sorry man, here take mine.”

“No, no it’s fine,” Vinnie, said, holding his hand up, “I’ll go get one, you guys ok?”

Justin nodded his head, “Sorry man, my mind’s all over the place.”

Vinnie nodded his head, and gave me a look before heading to the bar. 

“So how are you doing?” Justin continued, completely ignoring the dick move he just made, “I can’t believe your book was published, it’s so good. I kid you not, we went to Jess’ cousin’s house last Christmas and her little daughter, Emily, had your book and was making everyone read it to her. She wouldn’t go to sleep until everyone read her Jenny and the Giant. I told her I knew you, trying to get some brownie points, ya’know? But she didn’t get it. She thought I knew Jenny and then thought I was lying,” he laughed. 

I smiled; it’s always weird for me to think someone actually read my book. It’s also pretty fucking cool.  “That’s sweet.”

“Sweet? It’s fucking awesome. Your book is all over the place, that’s awesome.”

“Babe? I’ve been looking all over for you!” I looked up to see Jess standing over him, “My uncle wants to talk to you about a golf course that’s not that far.”

“Ahh,” Justin stood up and gave me a look, “Duty calls. Oh shit, this is Arianna, she used to live out in LA, we used to be real close, and then she moved away.”

“Right, my fault, as always,” I laughed, “Nice to meet you.”

Jess faked a laugh, “Nice to meet you. Thanks so much for coming.”

“Yeah of course, everything is so beautiful.”

“Oh yeah, it all came together really well,” she grabbed on to Justin’s hand and pulled him away, “Sorry, we’ll catch up later, ok?”

“Yeah of course, have fun.” 

Vinnie came back and handed me another glass of wine, “Having fun yet?”

I laughed, “I’m sorry about that babe, he wasn’t a douchebag three years ago when we were close.”

“You think it’s a recent development then?”

“I think he’s stressed and didn’t do it purposely.”

“Right,” Vinnie nodded his head, “Let’s go find Trace, he’s cool.”

“Yeah, let’s do that.”

 

I think it’s safe to say both Vinnie and I felt out of place the whole night. We hung out with Trace and his wife the majority of the time but they knew everybody and for some reason I was the only one invited from our old group of friends. Justin’s mother found me and talked my ear off for almost an hour. She was always really sweet and I like her a lot, but boy can she talk. I think she filled me in with absolutely everything that happened over the past three years of her life, and the lives of everyone within a ten-mile radius. At least she was nice to Vinnie, unlike her son. 

  Vinnie and I managed to sneak out a little earlier so we could enjoy the Jacuzzi tub before we went to bed. Vinnie fell right to sleep, he always does. It’s not fair. 

I stared at my boyfriend sleeping soundly next to me. His dark, wavy hair was a frizzy mess but somehow he still managed to look amazing. When my hair is frizzy, which, let’s be honest, it is more than it’s not, it does not look even slightly sexy. Why does he look so adorable with a frizz ball of hair? He looks so peaceful, and I want nothing more than to ruin it all and wake him up.

I don’t really know why I’ve suddenly become an insomniac, but it’s really annoying and it’d be great if it could just go away. 

Now it’s three o’clock in the morning and I’m officially going crazy. “Wake up,” I whispered lightly tapping Vinnie’s nose. He inhaled deeply and for a second I thought I succeeded but he slapped my hand away and rolled over. I whined, rolled over, and grabbed my phone from the night table.  I was surprised to see a text from Justin sent a half an hour ago: You awake?

Yes! Am I too late?

His response came automatically: Come to the pool?

I quickly pulled my sweatpants on, and made my way downstairs to the pool where I saw Justin laying on a reclining chair as if he’d been there awhile. 

“Getting nervous?” I laughed as I sat down on a chair next to him. 

“Nah just can’t sleep. What’s your excuse?”

“Just can’t sleep.”

Justin nodded, and pulled his hood off his head. We sat in silence for a few seconds. I don’t want things to be awkward, I want everything to go back to the way it was before I left. “Think we can find some beer?”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” I stood up and walked over to the pool bar with Justin following closely behind. We went different ways, surprised that all the cabinets were locked. Justin looked around for some help. He turned back to me just as I held a bottle of wine up like a trophy. 

“That’s my girl,” Justin said with a chuckle, “I knew you’d pull through.”

“If there’s a bottle of wine, I’m going to find it.”

“Glad some things don’t change. There doesn’t happen to be a corkscrew in there, does there?”

“We’re not that lucky.” I handed him the bottle and kept trying to open the drawers. 

“I got it, I read an article once. It said you just wrap the bottle up in a towel and bang it against the wall and the cork will come out.”

“You read an article on it,” I laughed, “it starts off all smart and then you realize it’s just hillbilly for how to open a bottle of wine when you don’t own a corkscrew.”

Justin laughed, “It was an article. BuzzFeed has articles.”

“I’m pretty sure they’re called lists.”

Justin laughed as he banged the bottle against the wall and to both of our surprise; the cork slowly made its way out, “Oh!” Justin shouted as he pulled the cork out of the bottle, “Now you can’t have any.”

“You’re going to drink that whole bottle of wine by yourself?”

He nodded his head, “I sure am,” he looked around before taking a sip from the bottle, “No cups.” 

Justin handed me the bottle and I took a long swig, “Good wine.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, “I can’t believe you’re here.”

“Obviously I’m not going to miss your wedding. I can’t believe you’re getting married!”

“I know,” he nodded his head and looked into space. I thought I lost him for a second but he was back, “Crazy.”

“She seems really cool, Jess.”

Justin nodded his head again, “I can’t believe you guys didn’t meet before. Your boyfriend seems cool, Vinnie Boombatz, aye! Oh!” he chuckled, “it’s like you just found a random Italian guy on the way to this place.”

“He was born in Boston, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“He sounds Italian.”

“No, he doesn’t,” I laughed, “His parents are Italian but he was born in Boston.” 

Justin put his hands up in defeat before grabbing the bottle of wine and taking another swig, “He’s just the perfect combination of every Guido Italian and Boston bro stereotype there is. Please tell me he took you to a Red Sox game on your first date, followed by dinner on the North End,” he cracks himself up.

  “Do you have a problem with my boyfriend? Cause he’ll kick your ass.”

“I’m sure he would get the whole mob after me,” Justin laughed before handing the wine over, “No, he does seem cool. Probably related to Al Capone though.”

“Yeah, probably,” I laughed, “His parents own a restaurant in Little Italy.”

“Of course they do,” he chuckled. 

“You were kind of an ass to him,” I answered seriously.

“Oh come on Ari, I’m just screwing with you. He seems like a really good guy.”

 Justin always gets a bad rap about being an asshole. I always thought it was silly and that people just didn’t get his sense of humor. I still think that, but I also think he can be kind of an asshole. I don’t think he does it purposely, but if he doesn’t have a need to talk to someone he won’t talk to them. He’s not like normal people who at least pretends to be interested to be polite. 

“How did you guys meet?”

“It’s actually a pretty amazing story. I know you’ll appreciate it. We met at a foam party.”

Justin laughed so hard he almost spit out his wine, “You, Arianna, went to a foam party? The girl who wouldn’t be caught dead at any club in Hollywood goes to a foam party?”

“That’s the best part. It was technically called a pool party, but there was no pool. So it’s like, what the fuck? Right? Vinnie was there bitching about it to his friends. He was like, how is it a pool party; they don’t even have a fucking pool. Why are we at a foam party like we’re some kids in the 90s on ecstasy? All these wet people bumping into me, why the fuck are we here?”

“That sounds like your thoughts on any club or party ever.”

“Yeah,” I agreed with a laugh, “Meanwhile, I was a few people over complaining about the same stuff with my friends. Vinnie’s friend Luca was so annoyed with him he had enough so finally he heard me complaining too and told Vinnie he should talk to me. So Luca came over and introduced himself and Vinnie and saved my friend and pushed Vinnie and I together.”

“That’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard,” Justin answered sarcastically. 

“It was pretty romantic,” I laughed, “we talked for like a five minutes then left. We went to a Dunkin Donuts, because everything else was closed, and had hot chocolate and donuts. Then we finished and went back to my apartment to watch a movie.”

“Oh, to watch a movie, huh?”

“No seriously, that’s what we did. We watched A League of their Own; it was on TBS, like it always is all summer long. Vinnie had never seen it. Can you believe it? And then I fell asleep.”

“Typical Arianna.”

“Yeah,” I laughed, “and he left me a really sweet note that said he had fun and wanted to see me again and left his number and stuff. And he said I had to at least text him my number because he knew where I lived,” I laughed, remembering the night. 

“So you called him?”

“Yeah, well, I woke up and saw the note so I texted him my number. Just my number, and went back to sleep.”

“You know, he would have had your number with the text, you didn’t need to give him your number.”

I laughed, “I realize that now, yes. But that’s not the point. It was cute, he called me later on that night and the rest is history.”

“That is a cute story,” he admitted, looking out at the pool.

“How did you and Jess meet?”

It took him a few seconds to respond, “Oh, just at a charity dinner. Not that exciting.”

“Was it love at first sight?”

He chuckled, “Sure, love at first sight. You’re living in a fairy tale, Ari.”

“This whole weekend is like a fairy tale. We’re in a castle.”

I looked over at Justin, as he continued looking at the empty pool. After some silence he turned to me,  “It’s so weird that you’re here.”

“Why is it weird?”

“I don’t know, it just is. I haven’t seen you in so long. You look exactly the same.”

“You do too, except that you got old.”

He chuckled, “Fuck you.” More silence. “It’s so weird we haven’t seen each other in years. Why haven’t we seen each other in years?”

“I left and we’ve been busy.”

“Right, but I’ve been in Boston plenty of times. Why didn’t you call me for tickets?”

“Really? Why didn’t I call you?”

“Yeah,” he nodded his head, “I guess I should have called. I’ll call next time, all right? But you can call me too. Let’s make sure it’s not another three years until we see each other again, ok?”

I laughed and then looked over to see how serious he was, “J, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. I’m getting all sentimental and shit, but we were best friends. I mean, for what? Like ten years we did everything together. And then you left and it just stopped. I don’t understand why it stopped.”

I watched him carefully, trying to figure out if it’s possible he really doesn’t remember. “I think we both know why it stopped, Justin.”

“That’s stupid,” he answered almost before I could finish the sentence, “So what, we fucked? It happens. We were drunk.”

“We were a little drunk.” I agreed.

“We weren’t drunk at all,” Justin laughed.

“No, we weren’t” I answered honestly with a laugh. 

“Well fuck, if I’d have know that would have ruined everything I would have ignored your advances,” he gave me a half smile.

“Of fuck you, that’s not how it happened and you know it!”

Justin laughed and leaned back in his seat, “I know. It’s just that you left the next day so…”

“I was leaving way before it happened. When you say it like that it sounds like we slept together and then I ran away.”

~*~*~*~*~ 

 

“I’m really going to miss you. Like, seriously, the thought of you being on the other side of the country makes me want to puke.”

I laughed as I pulled away from Nora, my overdramatic struggling actress of a friend. She is basically every stereotype of Los Angeles all rolled up into one annoying little bundle. I love her to death, despite all of this. She knows she’s an obnoxious little bitch so she’s cool when I call her out on it. I’m also ok with it when she calls me out on my flaws too. 

“It’s really not that far. You’ll come visit, and I’ll come back when I can. We can plan awesome vacations and meet halfway,” I pulled her into another hug to hide the tears slowly making their way down my face, “Plus, when you’re doing your big time New York City premier and your interview on the Today Show I’ll hop on the train and be out there in the crowd with a big sign asking for a shout-out. 

She laughed, “Call me when you get in. and keep me updated with your new big shot job and all those hot guys you’re going to bang.”

I laughed to disguise my tears, “I will. Bye Nora Bora.”

“Bye Daria.” I pinched her side and laughed as she called me the same stupid nickname all my LA friends think is so creative. Sure, when I first moved out here I had a pair of Daria glasses. Sure, I thought they were cool. Sure, I was a little cynical but I wasn’t Daria. I also had the glasses before Daria did, for the record. 

I took a deep breath as I looked around the mostly empty bar that my friends, or probably just Justin, had rented out for my going away party. I managed to say goodbye to just about everyone, but the hardest goodbye was now standing in front of me, with his hands in his pockets, his head to the ground but his eyes looking up at me. I took another deep breath and walked up to him, forcing a smile on my face. 

“Well,” I began feeling myself get shaky, “Thanks for the party.”

“Yeah, it was a good time.”

“And…” I paused and fell into his arms because I knew if I had to look at him I wouldn’t be able to speak, “You’ll be coming to Boston, just let me know and we’ll…”

“No, I’m going to take you back to the hotel,” he answered before pulling away from me and forcing a smile, “I have my car.”

“Oh, ok. Are you sure?”

He nodded his head and grabbed the bag of gifts people gave me, “Alright man, we’re out. Thanks for everything,” he called to the owner and I followed him to his car.

“You didn’t drink?” I asked as he opened the passenger side door for me and walked around to put my bag in the back seat.

“Uh, no I had a beer,” he answered softly, he’s distracted about something, not his usual self, “You either? I thought for sure you’d be drunk off your ass, going out with a bang.”

I laughed when he smiled; I guess his normal self is still under there somewhere. “No, I guess I was too busy talking to everyone. Plus being hung-over on an early morning flight is never a good thing.”

He nodded his head and we drove the rest of the way to the hotel in silence. He pulled into a parking spot and turned the car off, looking straight ahead. 

“It was a really nice party, so thanks a lot. Really. It was a very nice surprise and you managed to get all my friends there, and none of the people I hate.” I joked but he was too busy staring out the window I thought for sure he wasn’t even paying attention.

“Yup,” he answered. 

More silence.

“OK well…”

He hasn’t even looked at me since we got here. I don’t get why he wanted to take me home if he’s not even going to say anything. 

“Do you have something to do early tomorrow?”

“No,” he lied. I knew he had rehearsal at nine o’clock, and he knew I knew, too. That was his excuse for not drinking, I heard him telling everyone he had to wake up early. 

“Do you want to come in then? Watch a movie or something? There’s really no point in me pretending that I’m going to get any sleep. I’m not tired and it’d be better for me to be tired for the flight so maybe I’ll…”

“Yeah,” he broke through my rambling and opened the door before I could say anything else. He grabbed my bag and was waiting in front of the car before I even got out. 

He followed me inside and on the elevator, “OK, but the condition is that we have to be normal and talk like usual. This silent awkward shit is driving me crazy.”

Justin coughed up a laugh and threw his head back, stretching his arms up in the air, “I’m doing the best I can here, Ari.”

“What does that mean?” I asked as I opened the door.

“Nothing,” he placed my bag on the table and fell onto the bed. I went into the bathroom to get changed into a tank top and pair of pajama pants. When I walked out he was flipping through the channels and I crawled into bed next to him. He turned the TV off and dropped the remote on the bed, “Nothing on.”

I nodded my head, “So are you busy with work?”

“Yeah, let’s not do that, ok?” he snapped. 

“I don’t really know what your problem is,” I answered honestly.

“I don’t get why you’re leaving,” he caught me by surprise, “it doesn’t make sense to me.”

“It makes perfect sense, what are you talking about?”

“Enlighten me.”

“Justin, this is like, my dream job.”

“Your dream job is to write children’s books, not work for a publisher who publishes children’s books.”

“Do you really not see the correlation? I have to start somewhere; I’m going to be in the office where they publish the kinds of books I want to write. I’m going to see first hand what they’re looking for and what doesn’t work and when I finish my own books I’ll know people and maybe it’ll be that much easier to get them published.”

“There are publishers here.”

“There aren’t really, not big ones at least. Besides you know I hate Los Angeles.”

“Yeah, you hate Los Angeles,” he answered under his breath. “I just think it’s stupid. I don’t think you should go.”

“Well I’m going, so…”

“Yup, cool. Glad we had this talk.”

“You should stop being such a dick about it. I was never going to stay out here forever. I lasted way longer than I thought I would, than anyone thought I would. I’m an east coast girl and I want to go back. Plus, believe it or not, this is an amazing opportunity for me. I know it’s hard for you to get that, but I’m trying to work my way up. We’re not all lucky enough to have been doing our dream job since we were 15.”

He gave me such a dirty look I thought for a second his gaze would burn a hole into my soul. 

I hate the awkward silence but I’ll take it to the fighting any day. He just doesn’t get it and he’s not even trying to get it. We really are from two completely different worlds. I knew that a long time ago but it’s never been as obvious as it is right now.

“It just seems like it came out of nowhere,” he spoke up calmly, “I don’t want to fight about it anymore, I’m just saying.”

All I wanted to do was scream at him. I wanted to punch him in the face and force him to listen to what I’ve been telling him since I told him I was leaving in the first place. Instead I took a deep breath and answered calmly, “It didn’t. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. It’s not easy for me either Justin. It was a really hard decision, I don’t want to leave all my friends, I don’t want to leave you, but I have to do this.”

“OK, fine. Can we just agree that you’re an idiot and are making the biggest mistake of your life?” he asked with a smile.

“Sure, as long as we can also agree that you’re the most selfish prick in the world.”

Justin laughed and fell back on the bed, “fair enough. Where are you even staying once you get there?”

I turned to my side so I could look at him; surprised he was actually asking me these things now. This is the first time he’s seemed to care; he’s been pretty good at ignoring the fact I’m leaving. “They’re putting me up in a hotel for up to a month while I look for a place.”

He let out a sign and turned to his side, “I can’t believe you’re going. It’s so stupid.”

“Stop saying that! I’m so sick of fighting with you,’” I whined.

“We’re not fighting, we’re discussing.”

I laughed, “Well can we stop discussing? I’m leaving in a few hours.”

“OK, I’m just going to say one more thing. It’s not too late for you to change your mind. No one would think any less of you.” He spoke seriously but laughed when I did, “I’m serious.”

“Drop it!” I pulled the pillow from under him and hit him in the head.  He chuckled and tried to pull the pillow from under my head but I held onto it tightly, “Stop!”

“Stop!” he mimicked, as he pushed me out of the way so he could grab the pillow and playfully hit me over the head with it. 

“You’re so immature!” I pushed him back, trying to pull the pillow from his grip.

“Me? You started it!” he laughed holding tightly onto the pillow. We fought back and forth, each of us far more competitive than necessary until I found Justin on top of me. We both froze, looking into each other’s eyes. I felt myself getting hot all over as Justin leaned down and kissed me. As the kiss got deeper I felt his tongue in my mouth and his hands rubbing against my arms, holding them over my head. 

For a brief second I thought about how stupid it was that we were doing this, but that feeling quickly went away as he slowly grazed his hands down my body. I moaned as he gently rubbed his hand between my legs. 

Suddenly he stopped, pulling his mouth away from mine and looked at me carefully, as if he just realized what he was doing.  I bit at my bottom lip, there’s no turning back now. I needed him. I reached down and tugged at his shirt before attaching my lips to his. I felt him smiling against me and sat up, pulling apart for a second so we could get our shirts off. 

Justin smiled down at me, quickly pulling my pajama pants down before pulling his jeans off and kicking them to the floor. “Are you sure you…”

“Shut up,” I answered. He chuckled and crawled on top of me, kissing my lips before slowly kissing his way down my body. He stopped at my bellybutton, gently kissing my stomach and playing with the elastic of my panties. This is fucking torture. 

I reached down to help him push my panties away, Justin laughed before pulling them the rest of the way and tossing them to the floor. He stood up, looking over my naked body and grabbed his wallet from the table. 

“Do you have a…”

“Shut up,” he answered with a smile pulling a condom from his wallet before ripping it open and pulling his boxers down. He crawled on top of me reaching down and positioning himself at my opening, gave me a half smile before attaching his lips to mine and grinding into me. 

Justin pulled his lips away from mine, giving me a cocky smile. “Stop,” I whined. 

“Oh you want me to stop?” he stopped grinding into me, smiling evilly. 

“No, just stop with the cocky smile.”

He laughed and continued grinding into me. I managed to push so I was on top of him. He’s getting too cocky, I need to be the one in charge. I kneeled on top of him, straddling his waist.  

“Oh, ok. I can do this,” he still had the cocky smile on his face, and placed his hands behind his neck. 

I laughed and leaned forward; covering his face with my hand, “Stop it.”

“I can’t just stop it Ari, it’s what I do. I can’t help it,” he laughed, pushing my hand away. 

“It’s what you do? You smile like a cocky asshole while you’re getting laid?”

“I guess so,” he laughed flipping me to my back and grinding into me hard, “If you really… have a problem…with it… turn off…the light.”

He pinned my arms back and kissed my neck, “No, no it’s ok.” I ran my hands through his hair and threw my head back as I felt myself tense up. 

“You close?”

I nodded my head and let out a small moan, that’s the best he’s going to get, no words are even close to forming. 

He chuckled before kissing my lips softly, then under my ear and whispering, “Let it go.” 

I felt my body explode like a seizure. As the smile slid off Justin’s face, I couldn’t hide my own cocky smile as I felt him come. 

Justin rolled off me, catching his breath, “Well that was fun.” I laughed at his honesty, “You alright?’

I nodded my head, “Just give me a second.”

He laughed, pulling me against his chest, “See, it’s not cocky if it’s true.”

I rolled my eyes and slapped his stomach, “Shut up.”

~*~*~*~*~

Justin looked over at me and held a joint up, waking me from my daze. 

I nodded my head as he lit it, took a puff and passed it to me, “God, it’s been awhile since I…”

“Me too, don’t tell Jess.”

“Don’t tell Vinnie,” I laughed as I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes. 

“Kicking it old school.  I need to relax. This whole thing is just… a lot”

“Stressful, huh? I can only imagine. Planning a wedding is rough I’m sure, but it’s almost over. All the stress is almost gone.”

“No, not that stress. I didn’t do much with the wedding. Jess had all these ideas and didn’t even want me to help. It’s everything else.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s a lot for me to… seeing you is just…” he reached for the joint and inhaled slowly before continuing, “Seeing you again is just making me feel like such a fucking idiot. How did I let these years go by without even talking to you more than a couple times a year? You were my best friend. God, I just feel like I really fucked up.”

“What are you talking about? I’m here now. We’ll get better at staying in touch. We’ve both been busy, but it’s ok. I mean we have one of those friendships that we pick up where we left off no matter how long it’s been.”

He shook his head and spoke softly, “You don’t get it. That’s not what I’m saying.”

I watched him nervously play with the string of his sweatshirt and take another puff. “Then what are you saying?”

He closed his eyes, then opened them and looked back at the pool, making sure not to catch my gaze, “I guess I just always thought you’d be the one walking towards me down the aisle.”

I felt my heart in my throat, not knowing what to do or say, or even where to look. Justin looked over at me for some kind of reaction and I knew I had to say something but I couldn’t form words, “You just have cold feet, that’s completely normal.”

“I don’t have cold feet,” he answered calmly, “I’m just saying that’s what I always thought.”

“You can’t say that. You can’t tell me that twelve hours before your wedding.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just needed to tell you. I mean, I can’t go through with everything knowing I never told you.”

I felt my whole body tense up and leaned forward to place my head in my hands. I took a few deep breaths before reaching over for the last of the joint, inhaling it deeply. 

“I should have went after you,” he finished in a whisper. 

I took another deep breath and looked over at Justin who was back to looking at the pool, “You’re getting married in twelve hours.”

“I realize that Ari, thanks,” he snapped. 

“I don’t know what to say,” I licked my lips nervously and took a swig of wine, “if you told me that three years ago… or three fucking weeks ago.”

“Then what?” he asked before I could finish the sentence, “If I told you three years ago, then what would have happened?”

“I don’t know! I probably still would have gone to Boston but maybe we would have…” I trailed off, “I can’t have this conversation with you right now. Twelve fucking hours.”

“Then when should we have it? Tomorrow night?” he answered calmly, still looking at the pool. There was some more silence before he spoke again, “Why did you leave LA?”

“You know I hate LA.”

“Right, but why did you decide to leave when you did?”

“I got a job offer, you know this, Justin.”

“But why did you apply for it? I get you don’t like LA, but why did you stick around for ten years? Why didn’t you leave right after you graduated? Or after your master’s? Why did you hang around for a few years before deciding to leave?”

“I don’t know what that has to do with anything. I was in school, I went right to grad school, and I found a job right away.”

“That’s it? Ari, I need to know if the reason why you stayed or left had anything to do with me.”

I shook my head and looked up at the sky; unable to believe we were having this conversation right now, hours before he’s getting married. 

“I have been more than honest with you, Arianna. Please tell me the truth.”

I took a deep breath; worried this whole conversation wasn’t doing us any good and would just ruin any friendship we could ever have. “Yes, I stayed because of you, because I liked hanging out with you and being your buddy and all that. And I left because I couldn’t do it anymore.”

“Couldn’t do what?”

“I couldn’t do the whole being your friend thing anymore. It was too much. It was too hard. I was there all the time and listened to you complaining about these girls who were obviously so wrong for you. And all the things you said you wished she did or how you wished she acted, it was all me. I was right there in front of you the whole time and you were dating these gorgeous movie stars who were complete idiots and you were upset because they didn’t like basketball, or they didn’t want to go for a hike, or they only cared about being famous. I was right there the whole time, someone who you went to the basketball games with, and begged you to go for hikes, and…” I trailed off when I realized what I had just admitted to and wiped my eyes. “It doesn’t matter. That was a long time ago. I’ve moved on, we’ve moved on.”

I waited for Justin to say something, to say anything, but he didn’t and that made me want to crawl into a hole and die. 

“I shouldn’t have come…” I stood up. 

Justin grabbed my arm, “Don’t you dare.”

I sat down slowly, “then say something!”

“I had no idea,” he answered softly. “I mean, a few times I thought maybe but you never said anything.”

“How was I supposed to say something? You always had a girlfriend,”

He nodded his head and looked over at me, “I wish you said something.”

I took a deep breath and laughed a little, “Maybe you should have said something,” I said defensively. 

“I know I should have, that’s what I’m fucking saying,” he answered back just as defensively. He took a long breath, “when we hooked up I thought for sure I’d wake up feeling like we made a huge mistake and regretting it, ya’know? I woke up and I did have that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach but it wasn’t because we hooked up, it was because you were leaving. It felt like what we did was right, it felt comfortable, you felt really good sleeping in my arms. It was like we finally got it.”

I felt tears falling from my eyes and wiped them away, “I really don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

The truth is I felt that way too, I felt like it finally happened and now I had to go. Those first few months after I left were horrible. I couldn’t help but think about what could have happened if I stayed, or what would have happened if we hooked up earlier. 

“I really wanted to go after you but I thought… I had to let you go.”

I looked over at him and shrugged, “I don’t know what you want me to say, Justin.”

It’s not even the slightest bit fair that he’s telling me this right now. Why is it coming out now, because he’s getting nervous and has cold feet about getting married? It has nothing to do with me and it’s not fair that he brings it up now. 

Sure, there was a time I only dreamed he would tell me that he really felt more with me, but it didn’t happen. Now I’m completely happy with Vinnie and it’s not fair for Justin to tell me all this twelve hours before his fucking wedding.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly rubbing his temples, “this isn’t going the way I thought it would.”

“Well how the fuck did you think it would go?” I know I’m being a little bitchier than necessary but I’m actually kind of pissed this is happening right now. It took me longer than I’d like to admit to get over Justin and I don’t want this all to be brought up again.

He chuckled, “I didn’t think. That’s my problem.”

“Don’t you love Jess?”

“Of course I love her, I proposed to her, didn’t I?” he snapped. He paused for a second before speaking again quietly, “but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”

I took a deep breath, and felt my heart in my throat. 

Justin cleared his throat nervously, “Do you love Vinnie?”

“Well yeah.”

I felt like I was going to have a heart attack, I knew what was coming next, “Do you love me?”

“Of course I do,” I answered softly. 

There was no hiding the tears now, they weren’t just a couple falling down, I was pretty much straight out crying now. 

“No, don’t cry, I’m sorry,” Justin said as he moved to sit next to me on the chair. He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close, “it’s ok. I admit, the timing is a little off but…”

I laughed between tears, “Just a little.”

He let a soft chuckle escape and threw his head back, looking up at the stars. I rested my head against his shoulder, feeling for a second that everything was going to be ok. But then I realized that we’re here, together, because he’s getting married. In a few hours.

“It’s kind of fucked up that you’re telling me all this.”

He pulled away from me quickly, as if I’d officially ruined the moment. The moment that is happening, a few hours before he is supposed to be waiting at the alter watching a girl that is not me walk towards him. “What are you talking about?” he snapped. 

“I mean, really Justin. You’re getting married in…”

“No shit,” he broke in, “Why do you keep saying that, like I don’t fucking know? No shit,” he dropped his head to his hands and took a deep breath, “I’m saying I don’t know if… maybe I shouldn’t… be getting married. I mean to Jess.”

We sat in silence, for what seemed like forever. I don’t know how I’m supposed to respond to that. We went from not seeing each other for years, to him saying he loves me, and now he’s saying he’s thinking of calling off his wedding because he shouldn’t get married to Jess. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Why did he add the to Jess part?  Why am I here? Why the fuck am I here?

I watched him carefully as he stared at the empty pool. He is absolutely dazed out, really thinking, or considering his options. I don’t know what he thinks his options are, but this is all just escalating far too quickly. 

Justin finally looked over at me and spoke softly, “I don’t know what to do.” I’ve never heard him sound so apprehensive in my life. He’s always so sure of himself, so confident. Now he’s sitting here next to me, actually admitting that he’s in over his head. That scares me more than anything else that has happened since I’ve been in Italy. 

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I know he wants me to say something, to offer the advice I always gave him back when we were in LA. I don’t know what advice to give him this time. 

Part of me wants to tell him to call off the wedding so we could frolic off into the sunset and live happily ever after. But that’s not realistic, that’s the fairy tale version. The real life version would probably be us running off, and then quickly realizing we don’t mesh as much as we did back in the day. We’d realize why we were always just friends and never went the extra distance to a relationship. I’d have to move back to LA, I’d be forever known as the home wrecker who broke up Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel. That’s best-case scenario. 

Besides, I have a very wonderful man inside sleeping soundly, oblivious to all this. Sure, sometimes I think Vinnie doesn’t challenge himself enough. Sometimes I think he’s a little too content working at his dead end 40K a year job. But no, Vinnie is a great guy. He makes me laugh and he knows how to make me feel better when I’m going through one of my crazy moments. Most importantly, he loves me. He really loves me. And I love him.

I looked back at Justin, who had been staring at me this whole time, waiting for me to give him a solution to this major problem. I took a deep breath, trying to gain the power I to say what I knew I had to say. “You don’t,” my voice cracked, “There’s nothing for you to do. You should get some sleep before your wedding tomorrow. And I should go to bed.”

“What?” Justin asked, genuinely shocked. I felt my heart in my throat and couldn’t look at him anymore. I was surprised by his surprise. I didn’t tell him what he wanted to hear, or what he expected to hear, and that made it all that much harder. 

He placed his hand on my chin and forced me to look at him, “That’s it? Are you serious?”

I took another deep breath and forced myself to look him in the eye as I spoke, “Justin, you’re getting married tomorrow, don’t do anything to ruin that. You love her and she loves you and that’s what matters.”

“But…”

“We haven’t seen each other in a long time,” I spoke up so he couldn’t. I don’t want him to talk anymore; it’s just going to make it so much more difficult. “We don’t even, I mean I’m not the same person I was three years ago. If we had this conversation back then, then maybe things would have been different but we didn’t. We’ve moved on.”

“We moved on,” he repeated while looking up at the stars, “Ari, I don’t know if I can…”

“No, it’s fine,” I broke in to stop him from saying something I didn’t want to hear, “This isn’t going to change anything, we’re going to keep being friends, better friends than we have been in the past three years,” I forced a laugh, “I’m going to go back to bed, try to get some sleep. You too, alright?” I playfully punched his shoulder. 

He nodded his head and sat there, staring into space as I walked away, tears beginning to fall down my face. 

“Wait, Ari wait. I just need to…” I quickly wiped my eyes before turning around to see Justin jogging towards me. He grabbed my face in his hands and kissed me with more passion than I’ve ever felt in my life. My knees went weak and I had to grab onto him for support. He pulled away from me and nodded his head, still holding onto my face in his hands. “I just don’t… how can you…” he shook his head to clear his thoughts and slowly removed his hands from me before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath then speaking softly, “OK. Goodnight Ari.”