Part I

“Something wrong Charli?” Justin snapped at his assistant for what had to be the tenth time today, slamming his body down onto the couch, pulling out his phone. He was waiting for her response, not that he deserve one but he felt entitled to one.

Charli was a patient person. She was after all a personal assistant to a celebrity. She could handle nearly anyone that was pushy or overbearing, but when Justin got in this mood, he was stuck in it for weeks. She had enough to worry about with this god forsaken holiday and her family and everything else that goes along with it. She didn’t need his bitchiness right now. Her nostrils flared and she snapped back at him forcing the words through her teeth. “You’re being an ass, again.”

Justin looked up from his phone and over at his assistant of nearly four years. He was stunned.  It was out of character for her to be rude in any sort of the way.

She stared back at him, wide eyed ready for whatever he was about to spit out at her.

“I… I…” Justin stuttered. “I… am not.”

Charli grabbed her keys from her desk drawer, stood and headed straight for the door.

“Where do you think you’re going? We have to finish this promotional rollout for my New Years Eve concert.”

“The show sold out in seconds. It doesn’t really need a promotional rollout.”

“What exactly do I pay you to do?” Justin fired back at her.

“I think you need to go home to your wife… make her give you some and only then should you return to the office in a much better mood.” She opened the door back enough to peak her head back in, “Or call one of those services in the yellow pages. You need laid.” She slammed the door behind.

“My wife…” Justin mumbled as he forcefully dropped to his chair. His enormous, very expensive, very uncomfortable chair his wife insisted he purchase when he leased this office space, just so he could be out of his house when he was home from the road. Running his hands over his scalp, he grabbed a hold of his newly returned curls and tugged them, staring at the dark cherry grain of his desk.

Charli plopped herself down on the wooden stool, raising her hand up at the bartender, who knows her quite well these days. He nodded at her and reached for the bottle of clear liquid. Looking down at her phone buzzing off the table she sees it’s her sister again, fourth time today. Dealing with egotistical Justin was more than enough for her at the moment. She didn’t need the negativity from her sister and her perfect well put together life.  

“Rough day?” The bartender asked as he slid the glass her way.

“Rough year Darren… rough year.”

She tipped back the glass and took a large swig of the ice cold goodness. Charli never used to be a big drinker, but lately it has become her saving grace. She now understood how someone can have their lives together one moment, and in pieces the next, leaving them with an addiction to this ice cold goodness. If it were completely up to her, she would be a full fledge addict with no turning back.

Darren looked at her with surprise and nodded his head towards the closing door. “Looks like your boss is joining you today...”

Charli turned quickly to see Justin walking across the bar and headed straight towards her. She could hear several patrons gasp and start to whisper. The scene that her boss was about to cause in this little dive bar was going to ruin the down home feeling it had for her. She had found this bar a few months earlier, after a long stress-filled day. It was exactly three blocks from the office, it was convenient, and she wanted it to remain a dive bar.

“I’m an ass.” Justin admitted. “I don’t mean to be… but I am. I’m taking my problems at home out on you. That’s not fair.”

She slid a drink his way, “Bottoms up.”

Just as Justin tipped back the drink, another was waiting for the both of them.

“… yea just off Mulholland. Please hurry.” She dropped her phone in her bag and dropped down the street curb. She was hungover like a bitch, and her only thought was trying to hold back the urge to throw up all over her boss’s driveway. She couldn’t remember much the day… or the night for that matter, which lead her to this curb but she knew sticking around to find out was not in her plans at all.

Her best friend was a life savor, bringing her a change of clothing and dropping her off at the office. She knew she had plenty of time to shower in the office gym and get to work, pretend that everything was fine before he was show up.

But everything wasn’t fine. The room was spinning out of control; her stomach was taking every leap and bounds to make her uncomfortable. She dug through her bag looking for crackers or tums, or really anything that could settle her stomach a little. However the only thing she found was a credit card receipt from last night. Three hundred twelve dollars and thirty two cents. Her stomach did another summersault. This would be the very reason she felt like hell.

 She was glad for the awkward silence that lingered in the office once Justin finally made it in because she didn’t know what to say. How unprofessional of her to get hammered drunk with her boss, and end up in the spare bedroom of his house? I guess it was great that she was in the spare bedroom and not elsewhere. Somewhere in the silence she managed to arrange the promotional schedule for the week that followed his Christmas holiday without a peep from him. By mid-afternoon they were both coming back to a state of normalness. The banter had picked up, a smile or two was planted on their faces and life was better.

“I’ve seen you ignore at least three of your mother’s phone calls today alone. You should probably call her back.” He smiles at her and walks back into his office, closing the door.

She unlocks her phone and presses the function to call return the phone call.

“Charli … I was about to send out a search party for you. The least you could do is answer your damn phone and tell me you’re busy. You don’t have to be…”

“MOTHER” she blurted out interrupting her. “Stop.”

“I am your mother. Do not speak to me like that.”

“I am at work… I can’t just answer the phone every time one of you calls.” The line was quiet. The words Courtney wanted to say was not appropriate for a conversation with one’s own mother.

She sighed with such disgust. “I wanted to call you and let you know that Christmas dinner is at six sharp. Jack is going to be late, but that’s okay. You’re flight comes in 3:12 on Tuesday, right? So you’re not going to be late.”

Her jaw dropped, her chest tightened, and the tears welled up in her eyes. “You invited Jack, to Christmas dinner?” The lump in her throat built up closing off her airway.

“Yes, I thought it was silly to not invite him to a family function. After all he has been part of this family for nearly a decade.”

Tears streamed down her face, which she wiped away quickly, trying to hide her emotions. “He cheated on me… with my best friend since childhood. How is that silly?”

Her mother huffed through the line; clearly she was annoyed by her daughter’s reaction.

“Have a great Christmas mom.” She clicked the end call option and buried her face into her hands. Crying harder than she probably had her entire life.

She knew deep in her heart that her marriage was over long before it actually ended but it didn’t make ended a relationship of a decade any easier to simply walk away from. But when the last and final straw was pulled, she moved three thousand miles away.  The damage he caused her was something she would get over in time, but the destruction of her relationship with her mother would never be repaired. Despite knowing the facts her mother sided with Jack. She blamed the divorce on Charli. Saying if she would have been a better wife, a better partner, then things wouldn’t have ended the way they did.

“I didn’t know… I’m sorry.” Justin admitted. His heart hurt for her.  He sat down on the corner of her desk. “Is there anything I can do?”

Charli wiped away her tears, trying to come back into the moment. “I’m fine.”

“Last night was fun…” Justin attempted to make small talk but was failing. “…What’s your holiday plans?”

“I don’t have any.” She responded quickly.

“None… I’m sure your family would love to have you home. I could book you a flight. I will even pay for it!”

“You seriously want to get rid of me that much?” She laughed, “The last people I wanna spend time with this holiday is my overbearing mother, my antagonizing father, and my selfish sister...”

Justin felt bad, but more than anything he felt sad for her. A family should only support someone, not tear them down in the process.

“Last year, I came home from spending Christmas with my family in such a depressed state, that I can’t bear to put myself through that once again. Especially since I know who will also be in attendance. And if they feel that they need my ex-husband there more than me, then that’s what they can have.”

“Did you tell them I am forcing you to work?” He chuckled.

She cautiously nodded her head, laughing. “I blame whatever I can on you.”

“I’m good with that.” Justin fiddled with the hem of his shirt.

She swallowed hard. “This is all my mother’s doing…”

 “Come home to Memphis with me. You know my mother would love to have you there. She loves you.”

“I couldn’t intrude on your holiday. I will get some takeout and watch the twenty four hours of A Christmas Story. I will be fine.” She shuffled through a couple emails, avoiding eye contact with him. “Plus, I wanna spend just about as much time with your wife, that I do my family. No thanks.”

“My wife is spending the holiday and the New Year in Colorado.”

Charli didn’t question the statement he made.  She didn’t even want to know why. The less she knew the better.

Despite her wishes, Justin had showed up at her door, a huge smile on his face, a large caramel mocha in hand, and four twenty seven on the ticking clock. After a lack of arguing on her part, mostly because she was still asleep, and a few hours later she found herself standing on the back porch of Justin’s parent’s house, watching the snow fall. There was something so peaceful about a blanket of white covering everything in its path.

She heard the door open and close behind her, but she didn’t turn to see who it was until she felt a blanket being wrapped around her shoulders.

“It’s a little colder here than it is back in Los Angeles.” A soft southern voice echoed around her.

“Thank you.” She turned to Lynn. “It’s actually refreshing, breathing in the fresh cold air of Tennessee instead of the very healthy smog of L.A.”

“You and my son are both so a like…” She laughed

“Why do you say that?” Charli asked wrapping the blanket tighter around her.

“You both hold things in. You both seem to think that your problems will magically be fixed by a little fresh air.”

She couldn’t argue with the statement, it was the honest truth.

Charli watched the interaction between his family through the window. Real genuine smiles were planted on their faces as they decorated the tree. They enjoyed each other’s company, they were respectful of each other’s space, and they were gracious with one another.

“Come help us finish this tree!” Justin waved his hand at her through the glass.

She walked into the house that was now filled with the smells of an apple pie baking in the oven.

“I got you some egg nog!” Justin said handing her a glass. “I may have spiked it a little…”

Even with that mischievous look on his face, she took a big gulp of it. “WHOA!”

“I warned you!” He laughed.

“Wow… you sure this isn’t a straight up vodka with a splash of egg nog?”

“It might be…” He shrugged his shoulder, handing her a Christmas bulb. “Be useful!”

She shook her head and smiled at him before placing it on the empty tree branch.

His family made her feel like she was one of them. They pulled her into all the activities from decorating the tree, to baking, to wrapping gifts to drop off at the children’s orphanage. She couldn’t remember a better Christmas, ever.

As they all crowded around the living room to open gifts, she sat on the seat of the piano, watching them from a distance.

“I was going to mail this to you...” Lynn handed her a beautifully wrapped gift.

Her eyes filled up with tears, “I don’t have gifts for anyone…”

Lynn cut her off, “You are here for the holiday, that’s enough of a gift for us. This holiday is about time.”

She looked over at Justin who was reading a card. He had a smile on his face that changed quickly into sadness washing over him as he read the words in front of him, which he quickly discarded, took a couple deep breathes and moved onto the next.

“For you.” Justin handed her an envelope.

She had to admit she was a little scared to think what he would possibly get her. She busted out laughing when she read the words, “Get out of the office when Justin is being an ass” certificates!  “I needed these last week!” She chuckled.

He agreed with her before handing her a big box. “This is your actual gift.”

Shocked she just looked at him.

“Open it!”

“Can I still use those certificates?” She asked.

He nodded his head, “You deserve those most of all.”

She ripped the paper off the box, revealing a box for peanut oil. She laughed and asked, “Seriously?”

“It’s for the peanut gallery! HA!” He couldn’t stop laughing at his self. “Open the box!”

She gasped when she sliced open the box and found the Canon 5D Mark III, she had wanted to purchase for quite some time but couldn’t afford the thousands that it was. She suddenly felt very guilty because she knows exactly how much that camera and the lenses cost. “Justin, I can’t… this is way too much money.”

“No returns. Merry Christmas.”

She wanted to cry. Her every emotion wanted to burst at the seams with tears.

The living room looked like Christmas had literally threw up everywhere with wrapping paper, and after helping clean up the mess she found herself back in the cold, watching the snow fall. Charli was counting her blessings that she was here in this place, in this moment, with these people. This truly was Christmas.

She heard the sniffles of someone else on the porch. She slowly walked towards the noise.

“You okay?” She asked when she saw Justin standing on the side of the house, wiping away tears that found their way down his cheeks. “I don’t know how much your family knows what is going on with your personal life, but…”

Justin kicked the snow off the porch, staring down not looking at her. He knew in the depths of him, she was right. “I can’t disappoint them. Not like this.” He finally whispered. “I have screwed so much of my life up…”

“Every person sitting in that room loves you.” She interrupted him, taking his shoulder and turning him back around to look at her. “You don’t have to tell them anything, they don’t already know. They just want you to be happy.”

“I got married because that’s what everyone does after eight years together with someone…” He turned and pointed towards the house, “They wanted that for me.” He grabbed his bottom lip with his teeth, “I was happy, I thought it was what I wanted… I did it for them.” 

“You know what you should do. It’s not fair to you or her.”

“I just need to catch my breath…” He placed his hands on the railing, forcing his face out into the falling snow, hoping to convince her that he was having a momentary over-reaction.

“It’s your life Justin, live it out how you see fit.” She huffed and shook her head at him. “A wise woman once told me that the fresh air won’t magically fix problems.”

“It’s not so easy to just walk away… she hasn’t cheated on me, I can’t use that as my reason for leaving.”

“What was in the card?” She asked, taking him by surprise.

“You saw that…?” he swallowed hard.

“I saw the pain wash all over your face.”

He slid the pale yellow envelope out of his back pocket, handing it to her. “Go ahead, read it.”

She removed the card, which had a picture of a mother and son sitting in front of a fully decorated Christmas tree, a photo she assumed was from Justin’s childhood. Inside there was no Hallmark greeting, just a short handwritten note from his mother.

“My son, my life, my heart… My Christmas wish is that I see the light back in your eyes. Be happy at all cost. – Mom”

Her heart ached for him. She knew the inner battle he was going through, it wasn’t easy. You make a promise to someone to live ‘happily ever after’ through the good times and the bad. But what is someone supposed to do when there are no more good times to account for? How much should someone have to endure before they decide it’s just worth the fight anymore?

“What do you want, what would make you happy?” She asked her boss, who was more of a friend than a superior in this very moment.

“I…I…” Justin stumbled with his words.

“Sometimes we have to take everyone else out of the situation and look at it from a selfish point of view.” She placed her hand over his, showing empathy for him. “It’s okay to choose yourself and choose your own version of happiness.”

With that, Charli found her way back into the kitchen and pouring herself a quite stiff drink. She helped Lynn refill the cookie trays and return them to the living room.

Cold fingers laces around her wrist and she was jolted back into the kitchen.

“Thank you.” Justin reached out his other hand and placed them over hers.

“People get divorced.” She lowered her head saying the word no one else seemed to be able to say to him. “People get happy.” She knew all too well how much of a burden that one single word can hold. Her decision didn’t come as a difficult choice for her, her husband cheated and that was something she couldn’t forgive him for. Her family thought she was jumping to a decision lightly and just wanted out.

“… Then what makes you happy?” He asked hoping she would find her own answers.

She smiled at him. “Being here. Being with a family that welcomed me with open arms, with no judgment. This is the real magic of Christmas. This is what a family is about. And they would be overjoyed with whatever decision you made.”

New York during the holidays is a magical place to be. The lights are glistening off of every building and every inch of snow. The tree at Rockefeller Center was the most amazing thing to witness in person. The amount of lights that are on the tree make you transform into another world. She was luckily enough to have a view of the tree from her hotel window.

She dropped her bag on the bed in her hotel room when she turned quickly at the sound of a soft knock on the door.

“…Justin, you should already be …” She gasped. “Mom?”

“Charli.” She paused. “Can I come in?”

She stepped out of the way and waved her hands for her to enter.

“The shit you pulled over Christmas was uncalled for. And in order for me to spend time with my daughter for this holiday I had to book an ungodly priced flight.”

Charli stormed across the room, fetching her purse. She pulled out her checkbook, filling it out to her mother. “How much was it?”

“That’s not the point.”

“It is exactly the point.” Charlie stood tapping her foot, waiting for her mother to tell her how much it was. So she wrote down and amount, signed the check and handed it to her. “There.”

“You know what… ever since you moved and started working for Justin you have become this selfish person.”

“Selfish. Seriously?”

“Listen…” Her mother snapped.

“No. Listen to me.” She interrupted her mother, “I need you to understand that I will not be second best to someone that tore me down and made me feel as though I wasn’t good enough. You made a choice, and you made it very clear to me that you are siding with the man that cheated on me… for nearly half of my marriage. A situation that you knew for years was going on and didn’t have the decency to tell me about. I could have found love again. I could have been happy, but you took that away. And that barrier is on you, not me.” She exhaled a breath and went right back into her long rant, “If that makes me selfish, so be it. But I made the right choice, I chose to divorce him. I made the choice to be happy again. And if you can’t accept that, this will be the last conversation you and I both have.”

“Charli… I want you to be happy.”

“Then you need to side with me, your daughter, not your ex son-in-law.”

“He has always been part of the family.”

“He signed away his rights to this family.”

The room was silent. Awkward silence.

“Will we ever be the same again?” Her mother asked.

Charli shook her head, “You are my mother, and that’s never going to change. But you need to accept me and all the things I have chosen. And until then, we are not going to have a relationship.”  She shifted through her suitcase, looking for something quick to change into. “Take the check. I don’t want to be in debt to you.”

Her mother shoved the check into her purse and stormed out of the room.

Charli finally felt the weight of her choices lifted off of her chest. She couldn’t let anyone, even her own mother, make her feel as if the choices she made were the wrong ones. She knew she had made the right choice, if anything it was the best choice she had made her entire life.

She ran through the venue, trying to find Justin. She was so going to get a lecture from him about not being there when he needed her on this night of all nights.

The lights lowered into darkness.

The crowd erupted with roars.

“You’re late.” Justin ran passed her, warming up his muscles.

“Sorry, mother issues. She showed up at my hotel.”

Justin stopped in his tracks. “You okay?”

“Much better now.”

“Make me a promise…” Justin asked whispering into her ear, ensuring that she heard what he had to say over the roars of the crowd in the venue that began to get louder and louder. “We make this new year about making ourselves happy.”

She smiled, nodding her head. “We will push each other to happiness.”

He handed her a manila envelope that had a name and an address on the front of it.

“Can you mail this for me?”

“Is this…?” She asked cautiously.

“Divorce papers.” He admitted. “It’s time.”

“I… I…” She was stunned that he actually made the move.

“A new year, a fresh start. Time to make me happy. Time to make you happy.” Justin stepped onto the platform that would raise him onto the stage.

“Oh and Charli…” he kneeled down, “At midnight, I expect you in the center of that stage taking shots with me!”