All I know is that nobody here is really saying what's on their minds. 

The room is large and semi-chaotic with bad lighting and no room to breathe. It feels like the inside of my head. No one is really asking for my opinion, because no one really values it, which gives me more time to hash out reasons why I hate her. Which I never seem to be short of. 

Her platinum hair is perfectly messy with just the right amount of volume. I don't hate her for this. I'm not that immature. 

I hate her because she's in love with my boyfriend. She, who complained about the long distance status of their previous relationship because it interfered with the time she could have spent out with other friends. She, who acted so self-righteous for the way they ended even though she knew it wasn't working. She, who refuses to take any blame for anything ever.

I don't hate her for him. He doesn't even hate her. In fact, he lives in some sort of perverse fear that maybe somewhere, deep down in some sort of awful subconscious, might hate him. It isn't just that he's afraid of this, it's that he's terrified of it. He's terrified that he broke something that can never be put together so effortlessly again. He's terrified that there may be pieces missing if he even tried. So he doesn't try. Instead, he dates me.  

I'm not supposed to know any of this. I'm also not supposed to know that she's dating a christian even though she isn't one. I'm not supposed to know that he wants to get married even though she doesn't want to. I'm not supposed to know that he's told her her loves her even though she couldn't say it back. 

She laughs a lot like she's enjoying herself, but keeps sneaking off to the bathroom like she's doing drugs. I assume she is doing drugs and use it as an excuse to feel better than her. It works for tonight. 

Justin looks at her boyfriend when he thinks no one is watching. It's especially messed up because I'm watching her watching Justin watch him. He always squints a little bit like there's something he's trying to understand and his smile fades a bit. He'll brighten back up when the conversation picks back up. He's always been good at pretending. 

There's some sort of magnetism between the two of them that can only be explained by chemistry. It's all pheromones and genetics. You can't make sense of it. I can't make sense of it. 

They like to argue. Sometimes, I'm not even sure if either actually believe their points. It seems like one will take a side and the other will take the opposite and they'll argue it out never agreeing. It's a roller coaster of anger, incredulousness, sarcasm, and enjoyment. They call this fun. I try not to picture them doing this before having sex when they were actually together. 

Her cheekbones sit high on her face and I'll bet she's never had to contour an angle with makeup anywhere. She does, however, wear false eyelashes and bright red lipstick and I find solace in the fakeness of it all. If I'm being really honest, all bias aside, she's an attractive girl. She's attractive in the way that no one would ever say she isn't. However, she isn't so attractive that she could turn everyone's head. She turns Justin's though, and that's what kills me. There's something carnal about the way they want each other. Everything about her is exactly what he likes. It's that or the fact that they met so young he's modeled what he finds attractive after her. 

I try to be easy for him so that I don't remind him of her. I keep hoping he'll fall in love with me at some point because of this. 

She leaves to go to the bathroom again and Justin wraps his arm around my shoulder. It feels heavy and warm and lovely, but i know he's distracted. He's always distracted.

Zac is the nicest person possibly ever and I feel bad for him which makes me feel bad for me. He'll never have have her like Justin did. Does. Did. Whatever.

Zac takes a sip of his wine to have an excuse not to talk, I assume. Ill give her credit, she at least picks them smart. 

Georgie comes back a few minutes later. 

Oh. By the way, her name is Georgie.  Georgette actually, but everyone calls her Georgie or George. Everything about her is this odd mix of cartoonish attractiveness and stark reality. It's difficult to explain. Like, her hair is platinum blonde, almost white, and she has these large eyeballs that are always paired with fake eyelashes and this really small nose, but she's tall. It's like everything is almost an illusion, but it's saved at the last minute by this really real detail. Her name is Georgie, but her last name is Jones.  She's always the life of the party, but she actually listens to you and allows you your moment to speak. She comes from money, but she'll pick up the tab while no one is paying attention. She's totally hate able, but you can't totally hate her. 

Zac put his hand on her knee and she smiles at him politely. She isn't very affectionate with men. I used to hope she was secretly a lesbian, but I think she just doesn't feel very comfortable with public displays of affection with men. Unless that man is Justin, of course. Apparently, they were so in love that they were constantly touching in some way. I think it bothers Zac, but he's far too respectful of her to voice it. 

Georgie orders another drink as the waitress comes around. Zac is visibly ready to go, but she isn't. Her thought process is that he could go if he wanted to. She'll be fine on her own, but he worries so much. He'll stay and keep a smile on his face regardless. Part of me wants to call him out except that I realize I'm the Zac in my own relationship. I don't have time to feel sorry for myself because Georgie is going to get drunk and I'm looking forward to how much ammunition she's going to give me to dislike her more.