Just do it, she coached herself. Do it now and don't think. Her hands refused to stop shaking, but she grabbed the scissors and brought them up to her hair. Moments later, her waist-length brunette hair was gone, replaced by a style that fell just past her shoulders.

"Not bad," she whispered. Her hair used to be curlier, but was now much wavier. It definitely looked alright, but it wasn't exactly....her. Her skin had turned paler; the blue of her eyes had dulled. With the new haircut, she was relatively unrecognizable. As long as she wore more make up than she used to, no one would be suspicious. 

She was going to reenter the world and find someone. It had been so long since her last boyfriend that she didn't even know if she could deal with men anymore. Getting out wasn't exactly her idea, though she had readily agreed. Without many people to talk to, life could get pretty boring. Whether or not she would find someone was kind of up in the air, but something would come of this whole experience. 

"Something's missing," she said aloud. No one was with her, which she was used to, but she sometimes like to think she was still the popular girl from back home. 

"Clothes," she mumbled. "Clothes are essential." Which, again, wasn't really true when you were always alone. She grabbed a black, sleeveless dress that reached her mid-thighs and held it up to her body, inspecting herself in the mirror. 

"What happened to me?" she sighed. Earlier, she used to be so full of life, but now, her smile couldn't even reach her eyes. The dress would have looked great on her a few years back. For some reason, now it just seemed overly sexualized. If she needed to look for a man, she wouldn't have trouble; he would come to her. This wasn't who she was, however. She was always innocent and quiet. What was she doing?

Pulling the dress over her head, she stepped into black stilettos. The habit of wearing these abominations had left her years ago, just as she had left behind everything she had known. Trying to get what she called her "flow" back would be difficult. Her only hope rested in the fact that a few missed years wouldn't ruin her chances with the guy she was bound to meet.

Quickly running a brush through her hair, she ran downstairs to open the door. The sunlight hit her face instantly, engulfing her in warm kisses. The kisses she once received from a boyfriend. Shaking her head to clear her mind, she stepped outside. The time away had deprived her of this. 

You're gonna do this, Brenda, she told herself, flipping her now shorter hair over her shoulder, whether you like it or not. Don't look back. 

“He’s psychotic, obsessive, and frankly really disturbing,” Lance said into his cell phone. “But I still love him.”

“Are you drunk?” he heard Joey’s voice reply. “What are you drinking? Whatever it is, stop it right now.”

“I’m drinking coffee, Joe.” Lance rolled his eyes, bringing the mug back up to his lips. He had walked into this café earlier and grabbed some isolated spot in the back. This was one of the times he thanked the fact that he wasn’t a celebrity in his prime; it wasn’t a busy hour, and he could risk going outside without being instantly recognized.

“Well, then there’s something in your coffee. ‘Cause I can’t even start to fathom why you would say you love that douchebag.”

“That was a good word for you, Joey. ‘Fathom’.”

Joey chuckled slightly. “Yeah, I’ve been studying up on vocabulary words. Thanks for noticing. Anyways, that’s beside the point. When even Justin, Mr. Hotshot, finds the time to call you and tell you to get away from this guy, you know you’re doing something seriously wrong.”

Lance sighed. “He’s just…rough sometimes. And he gets mad easily. I’m not gonna leave him for a few bad qualities.”

Now, the surprise in Joey’s voice was clearly evident. “A few bad qualities? This guy is a jackass. You said you were going to end it just last week. I have no clue why you changed your mind so suddenly.”

“Okay, yes, I admit he’s a pretty lousy excuse for a boyfriend. This whole thing is just complicated for me, okay? Can we just leave it at that?”

“Suit yourself. But you know you can’t keep running away from this, right?”

Lance nodded, ignoring the fact that Joey couldn’t see him.

“By the way, the rag magazines are running stories about you,” Joey added.

Lance groaned. “You have got to be kidding me. I haven’t told anyone.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, man. It’s all pretty much out there.”

Lance quickly swallowed the rest of his coffee and stood up, pulling a magazine off a wooden rack by the wall. Sure enough, a picture of him and his boyfriend at some event was plastered on the side of the cover. “Joey, I’ll call you back later.”

Grabbing the repulsive magazine, he exited the café through the back and found his car, locking the doors and resting his head on the steering wheel. Sprawled out underneath the picture was the title “Lance Bass and Boy Toy on the Rocks?” He almost laughed out loud at that. Boy toy? If anyone was being played with in this relationship, it was Lance. It was pretty ironic that his boyfriend was the one being called a toy. Not only was he rude and insensitive, but he was almost certain there was cheating involved.

Lance flipped through the magazine, glazing over articles about Britney’s latest endeavors and some nonsense about a girl who claimed to have been helped by ghosts. Hell, if ghosts were helping people, he needed one. He turned a few more pages until he came across the article about himself. There was a picture of him and his boyfriend from about a year and a half ago, when times were much happier.

            There is supposedly trouble in paradise for Lance Bass and his boyfriend, Tyler Venderson. The two have been dating for two years, but appeared to be detached at a recent event in West Hollywood. According to sources close to the couple, the relationship has been on the rocks for around a year. Venderson, 38, is reportedly “very insulting” towards Bass, 35, in public.

            “When you see the two together, there is nothing loving or passionate between them,” an unnamed source told us. “Tyler is very aggressive and occasionally verbally abusive. Lance doesn’t really say anything in response. They’re not the blissful couple they were made out to be when they first started dating.”

             Sources have also said that the former *NSYNC singer is becoming extremely frustrated with Venderson, and is considering ending things. However, Venderson, who is struggling career wise, has supposedly told Bass that he promises to be faithful despite rumors of infidelity. We were unable to reach Bass’s representatives for comment.

That was it. The extent of his failing relationship could apparently be summed up in three short paragraphs. Sighing, he threw the magazine onto the passenger seat and pressed his forehead against the steering wheel again. Whoever the “unnamed source” was, he or she was correct. More than likely, it was someone who he had briefly met at an event, but it didn’t matter. The information that he been trying to keep a secret was now out. All things considered, the story itself wouldn’t be too hard to deny, but it was emotionally difficult to try to contradict something that was blatantly true. Anyone who had seen him with Tyler recently would know that they weren’t exactly getting along.

When they had first started dating two years ago, they truly were a model couple. They rarely fought, and when they did, it was nothing serious. Lance had never felt happier than he did during that initial year with Tyler, and he had expected that to continue. However, about a year later, things turned ugly. It started out as just unnecessary, snide comments here and there; remarks about Lance’s days with the band, his subconscious habits, his appearance, and the like. It rapidly worsened, and he was able to count on one hand the number of days per month that Tyler didn’t insult him. He would tell Lance on a nearly daily basis that he didn’t deserve to live, or that he was useless and pathetic. He received constant reminders that no one would love him if it weren’t for Tyler. It surprised him that his boyfriend even had the gall to say he loved him anymore.

Six months ago, Tyler started staying out later than usual, often coming home at two or three in the morning. Whenever Lance asked, it was always a “friend” that insisted on one more drink. There was definitely more to the story, but Lance never pressed it. The one time he tried to get further information had been the first time Tyler had slapped him. He now just assumed Tyler was cheating, most likely with a different guy each time. After that encounter, everything had gotten more physical, but not in a good way. Tyler had serious issues controlling his anger, and even the slightest thing Lance did would set him off; coming home half an hour later than usual, going out with friends, or being too tired to do anything romantic. While he used to just yell about it, he now resorted to physical abuse.

Based off of experience, Lance could confidently say that Tyler did not believe in making love anymore. While it was great earlier on, it had now turned into meaningless sex. Tyler was the only one who got anything out of it, and Lance always looked for a way out. Tyler would show up at sinful hours in the middle of the night, usually drunk, and expect action. Refusal resulted in fists, so the decision was forced but obvious. Tyler wasn’t smooth about it; he was harsh, rough, and ridiculously domineering. He didn’t think he would ever hear himself say it, but sex was a chore now.

Lance’s head shot up instantly at the thought of late arrivals.

Damn it! he cursed himself. He was supposed to meet Tyler at his apartment an hour ago. They, or more preferably Lance alone, had decided three months ago that living together wasn’t working out. Tyler had called earlier this morning to arrange a time to “patch things up.” He hadn’t bombarded Lance with frustrated texts yet, which meant the anger was probably building up, ready to explode at the slightest provocation. He backed the car out of the parking lot, gripping the steering wheel in a tight hold. 

Don’t think about it, Lance urged himself as he pulled onto the road. It’s not a big deal. People forget. You’re human. He’s human. He’ll understand.

Lance stopped in front of a red light, swearing under his breath. He heard his phone beep, and he looked down to see a text from Tyler.

            Where the hell r u? Apparently all the money u made w/ that boy band wasnt enough for u to afford a goddamn watch.

Lance felt his hands starting to shake. The minute sarcastic comments regarding *NSYNC started, he knew he was in for it. Screw understanding. Life as he knew it was going to end today.

Calm down. You’re driving. he told himself. He knew, however, that there was absolutely no way he was going to listen to his conscious at the moment.

Knocking had never felt this stressful in Lance’s entire life. Getting to the door had been nerve-wracking, and waiting for it to open was twice as agonizing. The minute he saw Tyler, however, was probably the single most horrifying moment of his life.

“Do you realize that you’re over an hour late?” Tyler interrogated. “Is it that freaking hard for you to pay attention to the time? Your stupidity is embarrassing at times.”

Despite being only three inches taller, Tyler seemed to tower over Lance. He was muscular, dark-haired, and generally very intimidating. Lance took a deep breath, willing himself not to lose his head over Tyler’s stern tone of voice. His only goal was to get out of this destined-to-be argument unscathed.

“Tyler, I was doing something and I forgot,” Lance responded, locking eyes with his boyfriend for the first time in a while.

“Doing what?” Tyler asked, now looking angry. “You’re always busy, but what the hell does an unemployed ex-boy bander have to do?”

Lance closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Heads were going to roll the next time he heard “unemployed ex-boy bander.”

“You know what? I’m not even going to remind you of the fact that I’m not unemployed. Tell me that the next you bring in a paycheck, or the next time you even start to look for work.”

Tyler scoffed. “Stop trying to turn this onto me! The fact that you were late has absolutely nothing to do with my job!”

Or lack of it. Lance thought. “Why in the world are you making such a big deal out of this?! Wasn’t the plan to try to work things out today? We obviously aren’t doing that.”

“Who were you with?” Tyler interjected.

“What?” Lance asked, thrown off guard slightly.

“I’m not stupid, Lance. Who the hell were you with?” Tyler repeated.

“Tyler, you’re being ridiculous right now. I went out to get coffee. Last I checked, I was allowed to do that alone.” Lance glared at him. “At least I’m not the one that stays out until three in the morning.”

“I’m not cheating on you!” Tyler yelled. “How many goddamn times do I have to explain this-?”

“Don’t even try that with me!” Lance interrupted, his voice rising in volume considerably. “To hell with your excuses! I know you see other people, Tyler. You can insult my education all you want, but I’m smart enough to realize what’s going on!”

Tyler took a step toward him, and Lance instinctively moved away. This meeting was a complete disaster. His boyfriend was being stubborn, unreasonable, and rude, nothing of which was new. He had hoped this time would be different, but he was obviously wrong. As usual, it would probably end with Tyler saying something completely out of line and Lance threatening to leave, but eventually forgiving him.

Tyler threw his hands up. “Okay, okay. There have been a few guys here and there. I’m being honest with you. Isn’t that what you’re constantly complaining about?”

Lance stared at him incredulously. “Complaining? I expect you to tell me what’s going on, and you call that complaining?”

“You’re so difficult! Why the hell do I put up with you?”

Lance clenched his hands into fists, forcing himself not to lash out. “I should be asking you that question. I’m not the one that cheats, I’m not the one that sits around insulting you, and I’m definitely not the one that beats you up!”

Out of nowhere, Tyler grabbed the neck of Lance’s shirt, his eyes flaring. “I do not beat anyone up! Things happen sometimes, okay?!”

Lance felt his heartbeat quicken. “Tyler...”

What followed the exchange was unexpected, to say the least. Lance didn’t feel Tyler’s fist collide with his face, but he was now on the floor, a sharp pain taking over. Bringing his hand up, he quickly realized his nose and lips were bleeding, frightening proof that Tyler had hit him.

“Lance, I’m sorry,” he heard Tyler apologize.

Of course you are, Lance thought angrily, covering his mouth and nose with his hands.

“Lance?” Tyler knelt down in front of him, pulling his hands away from his face.

“Don’t touch me,” Lance said, turning away from his boyfriend.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

Lance shook his head. “Leave me alone.”

“How many times do I need to apologize?”

Lance stood slowly, simultaneously wincing against the excruciating pain. “I’m done with your apologies, Tyler. If this were the first time, maybe I would’ve listened, but I can’t anymore.”

Tyler glared at him with an angry, yet confused expression. “You’re breaking up with me.” It was more of a statement than a question, but all doubts seemed cleared regardless.

“I’m useless, right? I’m a stupid, pathetic, unemployed boy bander, right? I think you’re better off without someone like me in your life. Consider it a gift from a has-been teen idol.”

“Lance, please. Don’t be like this. You know I love you. Stop taking things so seriously,” Tyler pleaded.

Lance fought the urge to laugh sarcastically. “Remind me not to take things seriously when my face isn’t bleeding. And don’t even bother telling me you love me. I stopped believing that a long time ago.”

Lance turned toward the door, trying to convince himself to stay composed. This argument wasn’t worth it. This pain wasn’t worth it. This relationship itself wasn’t worth it.

“Can we talk about this?” Tyler asked, his words sounding almost like a plea.

Lance sighed, the blood still dripping. “Talk about what? I don’t need to hear anything right now.”

“Weren’t we trying to make this work? Weren’t we going to do something about this? I plan this whole thing, and now you’re just walking out on me?”

“I can’t do this, Tyler.” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “I can’t take it anymore.”

Tyler took a step toward Lance. “Goddamnit, will you just listen-?”

“Do not get any closer. Don’t touch me, don’t talk to me. This is over, Tyler.”

“Will you just freaking shut up and listen-?!”

“Why the hell don’t you listen for once?! I’m done trying to make this work. I’m done taking this shit from you! You can’t do this,” he gestured toward his face, “and expect me to get over it.”

“You wanna leave?” Tyler asked, his voice practically dripping with sarcasm. “Fine. Good luck finding someone that’s gonna put up with you. Honestly, I did you a goddamn favor by staying with you for this long. No one needs or wants a pathetic has-been.”

“You did me a favor?” Lance grabbed a vase sitting on the nearest table and threw it with all the strength he could manage. It narrowly missed Tyler and shattered against the wall behind him.

What am I doing? Lance thought to himself, his mind now frantic. He had never thrown things in an argument, and he usually kept his anger under control. Turning, he rushed out the door and to his car, trying to push away the image of Tyler’s shocked expression from his mind.  

It took five minutes of splashing water on his face to get the bleeding to die down. Lance pulled his phone out of his pocket and was greeted to six texts from Tyler, the first four of which were insults, and the latter of which were pleas to “try to work things out.”

Mumbling something incomprehensible, Lance tossed his phone onto his nightstand and fell into bed. His house was a mess; he had neglected hiring a new assistant despite his obvious need for one. Now that things between him and Tyler appeared to be over, he saw even less of a reason to. At least he could blame his poor organization on the fact that he was wallowing in sadness.

Lance shut his eyes, trying to block out any memories of Tyler. I shouldn’t have walked out like that. Why the hell did I throw that vase? Why the hell did I break up with him? He apologized. Forgive and forget, right?

His eyes started to sting, but he blamed it on his lack of sleep from the night before. There was no way he was crying over this now, especially not after what Tyler had done.

But what about you? he asked himself. Throwing and breaking things doesn’t constitute being a good boyfriend. This can’t just be one person’s fault.

Lance heard his phone ring, but decided to ignore it. It was probably Tyler, and he wasn’t willing to put up with the insults that were sure to result. About ten minutes later, the phone rang a second time. By the third ring, Lance had fallen into a fitful sleep.

He was startled awake by his phone ringing yet again, and this time it seemed louder than before. Pain shot through his head, forcing tears to spring to his eyes. He glanced at the digital clock on his nightstand-6:45. He had been asleep for three hours. Joy. Grabbing his phone, he hit “decline” without even bothering to check the caller ID. Lying back down, he threw an arm over his eyes and sighed. This was not the way he planned this day to go. He knew Tyler was hardheaded, but he didn’t expect this. The whole hitting fiasco was mild compared to some of their other incidents, but the timing of it was slightly shocking, to say the least.

His phone went off again, and he swore under his breath. “Would you freaking shut up?” he mumbled, reaching for his phone to once again decline the call. Looking at the caller ID, he realized it was Joey, not Tyler.

Damn, I told Joey I would call him back hours ago, he recalled. Well, this day just keeps getting better and better.

“Hello?” he whispered, finally answering.

“Lance, what the hell? I’ve called you probably ten times in the last few hours. You said you would call back.”

“I know,” he said, his voice uncharacteristically small. “I forgot.”

“Yeah, I realized. Justin’s been trying to call you, too. He told me you weren’t picking up his calls either.”

“I was asleep.” His voice sounded pathetic, and he was well aware of it.

“Hey, are you okay?” Joey asked, his tone softening. “You sound upset or something.”

Or something, Lance thought. “I’m a little messed up right now.”

“Is this about Tyler?”

Lance cringed at hearing his ex-boyfriend’s name. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Joey sighed. “You realize that you have to talk about it at some point, right? I know you’ve been lying when you say he’s not all that bad. He doesn’t have one nice thing to say about you in public. This should be sending you red flags.”

“Thanks for the relationship advice,” Lance muttered. “but I don’t think I’ll need it. Tyler and I are done.”

Joey was quiet for a second. “Wait, you actually broke up with him?”

Lance sighed. “Pretty unceremoniously, but yeah.”

“So you’re okay? I mean, you know this is a good decision, right?”

Lance shrugged, although he knew Joey couldn’t see it. “He wasn’t the only issue in the relationship, Joey. I freaking threw a vase at him today.”

Joey fell quiet for what seemed like hours. “You’re not usually that…violent. What happened?”

Lance felt himself starting to break into a sweat. “Nothing. It’s not a big deal.”

“Are you sure? This doesn’t really seem like you.”

“He hit me, Joey.” The minute he said it, he regretted it. This was personal, and nobody had to know about it.

“Wait, what?” Joey asked, obviously not registering what he had just been told.

“He hit me,” Lance admitted again. “I shouldn’t be telling you this. What the hell is wrong with me?”

“What do you mean ‘you shouldn’t be telling me this’? You’re joking, right? This guy hits you, and you’re keeping this to yourself?”

“I just don’t want people getting the wrong picture.” His voice broke. “It’s not as bad as it seems.”

“How bad is it?” Joey asked. “And tell the truth Lance. You suck at lying, and you know it.”

Lance sighed. There was nothing he could hide at this point. “It’s…not good. He hit my face. There was blood.”

“Lance…” Joey’s voice was lost for a second. “You know it was a good thing to leave him, right? If this had gotten any worse, the police could’ve gotten involved.”

Lance remained quiet, puzzled as to why he revealed parts of his life he hoped he could just forget.

“Are you okay?” Joey asked when he heard no response. “Your face and everything?”

“Yeah, I guess. Can we please just drop the subject?” At this point, his voice was barely above a whisper, and his emotions were hanging on by a thread.

“How long did this go on for, Lance?”

And that’s when the thread broke. Tears stung his eyes, and soon not even the greatest efforts could stop his crying. Whether it was because of Tyler’s irrational behavior or the breakup itself, he wasn’t sure, but this resulting emotional outburst was proof he had had enough. He dropped his face into his free hand, feeling thoroughly embarrassed, angry, and hopeless.

“Lance? Lance, I’m sorry. We don’t need to talk about this,” he heard Joey say on the other end of the line. “I didn’t mean to press anything.”

“Half a year,” Lance muttered through his tears.

“What?”

Lance sighed, trying to regain what was left of his composure. “Six months. That’s how long it went on for. That’s how long I freaking let him treat me like shit.”

Joey was once again silent for a moment before speaking. “Six months? Why didn’t you-?”

“Yeah, I know. I’m an idiot. I should have left the first time, but I didn’t. I shouldn’t have put up with the hitting or any of the other shit that happened, but I did. I’m freaking pathetic.”

“Lance, it’s not your fault. Yeah, you should have left him way earlier, but this isn’t your fault. It never was.”

“He cheated on me,” Lance said, instantly bringing forth a fresh set of tears. “He used to stay out really late and he even admitted there were other guys. I knew about it, and I still stayed. What the hell is wrong with me?”

“I’m really sorry, Lance. I knew something was going on with him, but I never knew it went this far.”

“He wants to work things out.”

Joey sounded audibly overwhelmed. “Don’t tell me you’re considering this. Please don’t tell me you actually think this can work.”

“Joey, there’s no way he could have been that horrible to me if it wasn’t partially my fault. A relationship can’t be like this because of just one person.”

“He’s abusive! Why would you ever want to put yourself through that again?”

“Forget it. I’m not gonna talk to him anytime soon anyway. We’re definitely not on speaking terms” Lance paused. “Did you say Justin was trying to call me?”

“Yeah,” Joey replied, obviously sensing Lance’s need to change the subject. “You should probably call him back before he goes all ‘TKO’ on you.”

Lance smiled slightly, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “Don’t even try with the song references. They’re god-awful.”

“Hey, as long as I don’t end conversations with ‘Bye Bye Bye’, I think I’m okay,” Joey said. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yeah. See you.”

“And Lance? Please don’t do anything about Tyler. Just don’t think about it, okay?”

“I’ll try,” Lance assured him, ending the call. He would try, but his attempts were likely to be futile. The minute he put the phone down, the tears started again. Things had gone so well when he and Tyler had first started dating, and now everything was a mess. There was no way this could be amended. He had broken up with his boyfriend in a horrible manner, and the relationship troubles were bound to have been at least partially his own fault.

Call Justin, he mentally reminded himself, not even bothering to wipe the tears away. Take your mind off of this. He grabbed his phone and called the familiar number, hoping Justin wouldn’t pick up on the sadness in his voice.

“Lance!” he heard Justin exclaim. “I tried calling you so many times! I was having a major life crisis!”

Lance had to smile. Justin would always be Justin. “The only crisis you have to deal with is getting one less tequila shot than you originally wanted. What’s up?”

“Hey, my life is not that pathetic. By the way, you okay? You sound sick or something.”

Yeah, I wonder why, he thought. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“Ugh, ‘I’m fine’ from you is like ‘I’m fine’ from a girl. It means you’re actually not fine, and it’s really freaking confusing.”

“Compare me to a girl one more time, and you’re gonna be less than half the man that you used to be.”

Justin groaned. “Song references are off limits. Especially the album fillers.”

Lance laughed softly. “Anyway, what did you need?”

“I just had an idea. The other guys say they’re in, so you’re the last one that has to approve before we can actually do it.”

“What? We’re going on a joint tour with One Direction to reach out to a younger audience? If that’s it, my answer is no. I’m perfectly content not getting groped by fifteen year olds at the moment.”

He heard Justin laugh. “No, but I’ll be sure to arrange that just for you.”

“You’re an idiot. Anyway, what is it? Another Vanguard Award thing?”

“No, but you’re getting warmer.”

Lance sat up immediately. “What?!”

*****

She pulled herself off the back wall of the club and sauntered over to the nearest counter, trying to look as sexy as possible. Considering how crappy she felt, she was doing a hell of a good job. Her makeup was heavy; she used more bronzer than ever before. The sultry look had to do it. If someone wasn’t willing to buy her a drink tonight, the whole day would be unsuccessful.

It had been a really long time since her last relationship, and men were complicated. Even a friendship with one would be difficult at this point, but it was a chance she was willing to take. That is, if this guy ever came along. There had to be at least one person with male anatomy that was willing to listen to her.

She had been told to find a guy to knock some sense into. Frankly, she had been keener on finding a girl who needed help, but no one would hear of it. She had always been the pretty girl, so everyone thought seducing a guy would be easy for her. If they could see her now, they would know just how wrong they were. Three clubs later, and she had absolutely no luck. No one would even look at her.

So much for this revealing neckline, she thought. I used to try to keep eyes off me, and now I’m fighting to get them. This is miserable.

“Can I get a refill?” a man sitting next to her asked the bartender. “My day’s been shit.”

Tell me about it, she thought. The bartender wouldn’t look at her. If he had, she would have ordered drink after drink after drink until she passed out. Nothing was going as planned today. What did she have to do? Advertise her desperation?

She sat at the bar for the next hour, and not one person approached her. Not one man offered to buy her a drink. Not even one man looked her way. Either she had lost her touch altogether, or this wasn’t the place.

Screw this, she mentally cursed. I’m done for the day. This is not working out.

Readjusting her dress, she walked outside, trying to ignore the light breeze that was picking up. Tomorrow was bound to be better. It had to be.

*****

Leave me alone…this is stupid. Im not working anything out right now.

He had sent that text around two hours ago, and his phone had been flooded with texts ever since. Every single one had been Tyler telling him to go to hell one minute, and saying “baby, I’m sorry” the next. Sure, Lance had considered just forgetting the whole incident from the day before and patching things up with Tyler, but his conscious told him better. In all honesty, he regretted ever responding to Tyler’s texts. Letting Tyler fade out of his life would be better than rubbing salt in fresh wounds.

Lance heard his phone go off, revealing yet another text. 

I know ur avoiding this lance…u know thats not gonna work forever. Grow up.

Go to hell, Lance thought angrily, deciding against replying. If talking with Tyler supposedly made him mature, he was perfectly fine acting like a child. It was so much easier to sing about forgetting a bad relationship. In reality, he felt embarrassingly small. This would leak to the press eventually, and then he would have to do some stupid interview about how he still respects Tyler as a person and wishes him all the best. Tyler, on the other hand, would not have to do that. Other than Justin’s news yesterday, the last two days had been some of the worst.

Yet, there was still guilt eating at him. Part of the argument had to have been his own fault. Plus, what if Tyler was right? What if he truly couldn’t find a better relationship? If it was any sign of the future, many previous relationships were unsuccessful as well. Of course, not at this level, but they failed nonetheless.

Lance reached over and grabbed the bottle of vodka on the table, putting it to his lips for the umpteenth time that afternoon. Regardless of whether or not drinking was a good idea, it helped take his mind off the incessant thoughts of Tyler. He did it last night and it worked wonders. That is, until he passed out. The hangover this morning wasn’t great either, but it had all been worth it in the end.

Thirty minutes later, he was drunker than he wished to admit, but he frankly didn’t care.

Tyler can go to hell, he thought. I’m perfectly fine without him.

If he wanted to, he could text Tyler right now and tell him how much he didn’t care that this relationship was over. Hell, he could tell him in person. He didn’t want him. He didn’t need him. He could break a thousand more vases and he wouldn’t care less. If he saw Tyler with another guy this very minute, he wouldn’t give a damn. Tyler could hit him, and he would hit right back.

Lance looked up at the ceiling fan, watching his vision come in and out of focus. Tyler could take all his broken promises, fake sweet talking, and pleas to reconcile and throw them out the goddamn window. Lance stood up, immediately losing his balance and falling down. Okay, too drunk to walk. Or stand, for that matter. This didn’t exactly seem like bachelor paradise…

“Holy shit,” Lance muttered, bringing a hand up to his head. This was going to turn into a nasty headache later. He stood up clumsily and grabbed his phone before crashing onto the couch. He cringed at the brightness of the screen, but more so at the time. It was 4:30. He must have passed out for at least an hour or two. What in the world was he doing? If this was his way of dealing with a relationship, he obviously was doing a really awful job.

“I suck,” he muttered under his breath. This was the second time in two days, and his euphoria only lasted until he passed out.

I don’t need him? Who am I kidding? I’m a mess without him, he thought. Day two of the single life: pathetic.

Lance dropped his head into his hands and sighed. “What am I doing?”

“I think it looks good, Justin,” Lance said, holding the phone with one hand and scrolling through the lyrics on his laptop with the other.

“JC came up with the hook. I gotta be honest, I think it’s dope,” Justin replied.

“So when are we recording?” Lance asked.

“JC and I are flying into California tomorrow, so we can probably get started the day after that. I think Chris is too, but I’m not really sure.”

“Has anyone ever been sure about anything regarding Chris?” Lance laughed.

When Justin had called him yesterday, he was in no way expecting any kind of reunion. He thought it would be a totally casual call, but when Justin told him that he had written a song with JC and wanted to record it with all the guys, he flipped out. As of now, it was only one song, just something to get the fans excited. There were no plans for anything besides the song and possibly a video, but new material, regardless of quantity, was definitely overdue.

“By the way, what was the reason?” Lance questioned.

“Reason for what?”

“We always say that if we ever get back together, it has to be for the right reasons. What was the reason? I mean, we all have some time off, but this isn’t the first time that’s happened.”

Justin was silent for a second. “I guess it’s just been too long. I mean, doing my own thing is great, but I miss writing with JC and hearing Chris’s bad jokes and all the other stuff that came with us as a group. Doing solo stuff is awesome, but something’s always missing.”

Lance had to agree. After the band broke up, he was happy with his own career, but he never stopped longing to be back with the group. He had experienced major, life-changing events with the guys, and seeing them so irregularly was upsetting at times.

“I think the name of the song is great,” Lance said. “It makes a good comeback single.”

After over a decade without any new music, this song, “What We Had,” took on many meanings. While it hinted to *NSYNC’s heyday, it was a power ballad about trying to get back with someone after a breakup. Whether or not this would end up relating to Lance’s life, he had no idea.    

“Hey, Lance,” Justin said suddenly, interrupting Lance’s thoughts. “Joey told me something earlier.”

Lance froze. “What…?”

“You and Tyler. You guys broke up? Joey told me not to mention it, but I just wanted to check in and stuff.”

“Yeah. We’re done,” Lance sighed. “Do the other guys know?”

“Yeah. We’re all happy for you, Lance. He was never good enough for you. He was honestly not even a nice person.”

“He wants to get back together. He’s been blowing up my phone with apology texts.”

“Just stop talking to him. Delete his number. Block him. Send him pictures of you flipping him off. Actually, don’t do the last one. That’s not smart. But do either of the first two.”

“I don’t know. This whole thing is so frustrating. I’m just confused.”

“What are you confused about? You think you can’t find someone else? Finding someone better than him would be so easy. Practically every guy on the goddamn planet would make a better boyfriend than him.”

“What if it was my fault?” Lance asked quietly. “We used to be so…happy. I don’t know what happened to screw everything up this bad.”

“He’s an asshole. That guy will never be able to hold a relationship ‘cause he’s a freaking idiot. I don’t even know why you’re considering anything else. It didn’t work out because he’s a prick. That’s it. There’s nothing else.”

“It’s gonna take me a while to believe that,” Lance sighed. “Thanks though. If your music career tanks, you can always turn to gay relationship counseling.”

He heard Justin laugh. “Yeah, ‘cause I’ve just got tons of experience with gay relationships.”

Lance smiled. “Is there something you have to tell me? Or, more importantly, is there something you have to tell Jessica?”

“Nah. Still straight,” Justin said. “Anyway, I’ll see you in two days.”

“Yeah, you too.” Lance hung up and turned back to his laptop screen. This song was pretty amazing. It was definitely different from anything they had ever done before, but then again, it wasn’t 2001 anymore. Thirteen years warranted change, and this change was more than welcome. The song tapped more into the R&B that they had experimented with back in the day. Justin had obviously mastered the fusion on his own, but the trademark *NSYNC harmonies would create a sound that no one had ever heard before.

You’re nothing but a memory

And it hurts me so bad

‘Cause all I want is you and me

To get back what we had 

The lyrics weren’t necessarily something revolutionary, but they resonated. Relatable lyrics were something both JC and Justin prided themselves on, and they had done it and then some this time.

Lance jumped when he heard his phone ring. If this was Tyler, he would probably end up losing all control. Any conversation regarding making up was absolutely not happening today. Glancing at his caller ID, he realized it was Joey.

“Hey, what’s up?” Lance greeted, accepting the call.

“Looking over the song,” Joey replied. “JC just called me to talk about it. Did he call you?”

“No, Justin did,” he said. “I think the song is awesome.”

“Do you actually believe this is happening? Joey asked, sounding disbelieving. “How long has it been?”

“Too long,” Lance said. “Way too long. I never thought this was gonna happen anytime soon.”

“It’s crazy. We were kids when we started this, and now we’re in our thirties. What the hell?”

“Chris is forty.”

Joey laughed. “Don’t remind him of that.”

“Remember when we used to give him shit for being thirty? We’re all pretty much older than he was then.”

“It’s insane,” Joey said. “Okay, enough with the age thing or we’re both gonna get depressed.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Lance laughed. “By the way, I heard you told the other guys about me and Tyler.”

For a second, there was silence. “Who told you that?”

“Justin.”

“Goddamn,” Joey mumbled. “I told him not to mention it. I’m seriously starting to doubt his maturity levels.”

“It’s not a big deal. I mean, they were bound to figure it out when we started working on the song.” Lance sighed. “I just need to take my mind off it for now, I guess.”

“You wanna do something tonight?” Joey asked. “It’s probably a good idea if you wanna stop thinking about it.”

Lance shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t think I would be very interesting to talk to today. I doubt you would want to act like my therapist at a club or something. It’s probably bad enough over the phone.”

“I’m not gonna be your counselor. You might as well just accept the fact that you’re coming, ‘cause you’re eventually gonna let me talk you into it.”

***** 

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” Lance mumbled, pulling his baseball cap further over his forehead. “You’re a terrible influence.”

“Hey, I have to pride myself on something,” Joey remarked as they walked into the club.

“I’m wallowing in misery and you bring me to a place with goddamn alcohol practically flowing out of the woodwork? What god-awful plan do you have now?”

“It’s not a plan. I just think this is just better for you than sitting at home thinking about some stupid douchebag.”

“So I get drunk here instead of at my house, which, may I remind you, is probably a lot safer.”

“Jesus Christ, when did you become the main character of some sappy chick flick?”

Lance stopped in his tracks, looking a little more than borderline angry. “Yeah, why don’t we think about that? It might have been the first time my so-called boyfriend slept around with other guys. Or maybe that time he slammed me into a door before beating the hell out of me. Oh, and I forgot about that time that he came home drunk and got just a little too sexual. Yeah, you’re right, it’s really hard to figure out where this whole thing went downhill.”

Joey cringed. “It was that bad?”

“What do I need to do? Announce it on national TV? He was out of control when he was drunk. And please don’t tell me I should have left him earlier. I’ve beaten myself up over that countless times already.”

“Lance, you can’t blame yourself for something that’s already done with. Yeah, you got yourself into a bad situation, but that doesn’t mean you make your life miserable over it.”

Lance sighed. “I wish I could believe you.”

***** 

I really just don’t want to be here, she thought to herself as she blindly walked through the club. No one had noticed her anywhere all morning, and they were even less likely to notice her now, what with all the alcohol and lights.

Before she had time to comprehend what was happening, she slammed into someone with such a strong force that it sent her falling backwards. Her vision swam briefly, and a dull pain shot through her head. She vaguely felt someone hauling her to her feet, and it took her a minute to regain her composure.

“I’m so sorry. I guess one of us wasn’t paying attention to where we were going. I swear I didn’t see you just a second ago.”

“Yeah, you think?!” she asked. Suddenly, she paused. Whoever this guy was, he had just spoken to her. She looked up at him for the first time, and was immediately at a loss for words. He was gorgeous, to say the least. He had blonde hair and green eyes, a common set of features, but for some reason they looked painfully attractive on him.

“Are you okay?” he asked, breaking her out of her thoughts. He was rubbing his forehead with his hand, obviously in pain from the collision. He looked vaguely familiar…

“Um…yeah. I’m fine. You okay?” The question was asked subconsciously. She was much more focused on his face. Where had she seen this man before?

“I’m fine. Are you sure you’re okay? You look a little spaced out.”

“Have I met you before?” she blurted out before her mind could truly process the words.

He seemed to think carefully for a minute, as if trying to rack his brain for any familiarity. Other than that, his expression was unreadable.

“I don’t think so. What’s your name?”

“Brenda,” she said slowly. As much as she wanted to wind up sleeping with him in a string of drunken bad decisions, giving out her name was probably not the smartest thing she had done today.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you before.”

He said something else, but she didn’t hear. “Wait…you’re Lance Bass from *NSYNC!” She looked at the man standing next him, and something clicked. “And you’re Joey Fatone, aren’t you?”

They looked at each other awkwardly, obviously confused by her sudden outburst.

“Uh…yeah,” Lance said, smiling slightly. “That’s the longest it’s taken anyone to realize it.”

“Hey, you beat a record,” Joey smiled. “I think we should buy you drinks for it.”

*****

“Are you crazy?” Lance whispered to Joey as they walked towards the bar. “You’re married! Are you just gonna buy drinks for everything you see in a low-cut dress?”

Joey rolled his eyes. “I’m buying her a drink, not asking her for sex.” He quickly looked back at the girl who was following them, hoping she wasn’t picking up on any of the conversation. “And you’re single anyway.”

Lance looked at him with a blank expression. “And gay. Very, very gay.”

“What’s your point?”

“What’s my point? What’s your point?”

“There was a point to this discussion?”

“You have issues. Just for that, you can buy the drinks.”

Joey rolled his eyes. “And I thought Justin was the diva.”

“Oh, shut the hell up,” Lance muttered, walking toward the girl he had met just a few minutes earlier.

“So…you said your name was Brenda?”

She nodded. “I would ask you some awkward question right now to keep the conversation going, but I’m apparently bad at doing that.”

He laughed. She sounded and looked like every other star struck fan he had encountered since he was seventeen years old, but there was something different about her. He couldn't quite place his finger on it, but it landed somewhere between innocence and confusion.

“Do you work around here or something?” he asked, just to be saying something. Mental note to kill Joey later for making me do this. What am I supposed to do? Flirt with this girl?

“Um…kinda. I’m working a small job right now. I just moved.”

There was something formulaic about the way she answered, as if she had planned out her response beforehand.    

“You’re not here with anyone?” he asked, hoping she would start talking more instead of just providing objective answers.

She shook her head. “No. Like I said, I just moved. Not many friends, definitely no boyfriend.” She paused briefly, as if considering whether or not to proceed. “Do you have a girlfriend or something?”

He was thrown slightly off guard by that question. “Um…no. Or something, maybe? You don’t know…?”

She threw him a puzzled look. “Did I just violate some unofficial code for talking to celebrities when I asked that question?”

He smiled. “No. I’m gay. So obviously there’s no girlfriend.”

Something in her face changed, but he couldn’t tell what. “Oh. Sorry about that. I guess I’ve been kind of out of it.”

He was about to respond when Joey came back with the drinks. “I don’t know what the hell this is, so pray to your higher power before drinking it.”

She laughed, seemingly loosening up for the first time that night. “Well, this will be my first time having an unknown drink. This day’s been unexpected already, so I might as well take it all the way.”

Lance was about to pick up a drink when he felt his phone go off. “Sorry, I’m gonna go take this call.” He walked a few feet away from the others and accepted the call, not bothering to check the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Lance? It’s Tyler.”

Lance felt the blood drain from his face. “Yeah. Now’s not really a great time-”

“Then what is a good time, Lance?” Tyler sounded frustrated, which only made him more intimidating. “I try calling you, and you don’t pick up. I try texting you, and you don’t respond. I want to talk things over, and you keep trying to run away from it. I don’t know how I’m supposed to try to work things out with you anymore.”

“I don’t want to work anything out. I tried working things out for months, Tyler. I give up,” Lance took a deep breath, starting to feel somewhat breathless. “Whatever we used to have is done, Tyler. It’s been done for a while.”

“Don’t tell me you’ve moved on, Lance. I know you’re trying to tell yourself you don’t care, but I know you do.”

Lance felt himself getting lightheaded. “Tyler, I can’t do this. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

“I told you I was sorry about whatever I did before, and I mean it. Those things won’t happen again. I promise.”

Lance almost laughed. “I can’t tell you how many times you’ve said that exact same thing. Tyler, I fear for my goddamn life when I’m with you! I can’t live like that anymore. Maybe I’m not over it, but…”

His mind suddenly flashbacked to various encounters with Tyler-the time he confronted him after he came home late, the many times Tyler came home drunk…

Tyler was saying something, but Lance didn’t register anything. Breathing was getting increasingly difficult, and it took all his effort to keep from throwing up that very minute.

“Lance, just get off the phone.” He heard the voice and recognized it as Joey’s, but it sounded distant. Joey took the phone from him and disconnected it before handing it back.

“Why do you even pick up his calls?” Joey asked.

Lance ignored the question; his head was killing him. “I need to go home.” He noticed Brenda behind Joey, but he didn’t care. If she found out everything about his failed relationship and leaked it to the press, he wouldn’t care, so long as he could get home as soon as possible.

“Lance, what’s going on?” Joey questioned, looking somewhat confused and frightened.

“I don’t know,” Lance admitted, his voice shaking. “I need to get home.”

“Lance, you need to calm down and tell me what’s happening.”

“I don’t know,” he reiterated, taking a few deep breaths. “I can’t think straight. I really need to get out of here.”

Joey briefly said something to Brenda, who simply nodded. She was looking at Lance with a countenance that screamed sympathy and what he thought was understanding. There was something troubled about her facial expression, and even in his confusion, the image locked into his memory.