I was a warm day in April.  Wait, take that back.  It was hot—like shirt stuck to your back in the car hot.  The air felt stale and thick, and the breeze was vacant. In this type of heat, even your eyeballs somehow felt like they could sweat.  However you want to describe it, it was way too hot to be April.  Even in the South, this was a hot day for spring.  Temperatures were about to hit 90 and humidity was at 85%.  Thunderstorms had been called for, severe ones.  What was this? July?  Nope.  April.  April 30th exactly, just a week and a half after Easter.  

And thus, the shop was dead. The street was dead, and Nikki was bored out of her mind.  She flipped a magazine and sighed.  The dusty old black and white clock said 4:40pm, an hour and 20 minutes until she could go home.  Maybe her boss would close up early that night.  It wouldn’t be the first time the shop closed up before business hours ended.

They had had four customers that day.  Mrs. Maple had come by on Wednesday instead of her normal Monday, so that was kind of exciting.  Then a college kid who had just now realized he needed some Shakespeare books before finals.  He had completely bought out the used Shakespeare section, frantically dumping his arm load of chosen paperbacks on the worn Plexiglas counter and scoffing when Nikki told him they didn’t sell CliffsNotes.

“You’ll have to go to Barnes and Noble for that…”

“Ugh, but they are on the other side of town!”

This was a common conversation.

Two stay-at-home moms came in after their lunch at The Flower Pot, looking for the next sexy murder mystery by Ursula Towers, maneuvering their strollers, curving through the tight aisles of the musty store like professional Formula One drivers in Monaco.  She was able to get one of them to buy almost $100 worth of books, so the day wasn’t a complete waste.  She just wished her boss would emerge.

It happened often.  Her boss would come in early, go into her office and shut the door, only to appear at the end of the day or when food became a priority.  She’d been back in her office all…damn…day.  Nikki just assumed she was working on a really, extra-special scene so it didn’t bother her.  But it would be nice to be able to have a conversation with someone.  They barely spoke this morning, and at first Nikki thought maybe her boss was mad at her.  But then at lunch they ordered bagels from the coffee shop next door and sat in her office and Google image searched cute baseball players for 45 minutes. So things were fine.

But, the shop was still dead.  And even if it was, who cared?  They could never have one customer walk through the doors and it wouldn’t matter.  Customers weren’t what kept this place open.  J. B. Hann kept it open.

The sleigh bells hanging from the front door knob rang out a clear pitch in the shop and Nikki didn’t look up from her magazine, “Welcome to Reader’s Corner.”

After a moment, she quickly glanced up and smiled at the two handsome men that had walked into the store.  Normally cute guys didn’t come in their shop: women did, college kids did and old professors did.  But 30-something hotties? No, this place was like the plague to them. No TVs, no booze—not including a couple bottles of wine kept stashed in the stock room—and even though she considered herself a fairly attractive woman, Nikki knew men needed more than just one pretty lady to have them interested in a old, dank, dark bookstore in the back corner of an ancient strip mall across from Walterville State University.

So this moment right here was a welcome and pleasant distraction from her issue of Vogue.

One was cute, with brownish sort-a curly hair and a curious glance.  The other was tall, blonde, big—in that I-work-out-all-the-time-and-I’m-one-giant-muscle way.  He was carelessly gorgeous.  Ok, so they were both pretty much the same height and build and to the objective person they probably had equal levels of attractiveness, but something about the manner and the cocky smile on the “other’s” face was enough to give him all of Nikki’s attention.  

The cute one nodded his head with his hands in his jeans pockets and said, “Pretty cool place.”

The Fabio Beast one stared right at Nikki.

“You guys looking for anything in particular?” she asked, shifting her weight, sticking her hip out just ever so much more than before and licking her thumb to get traction to flip the page of her magazine.  Her eyes met the one she wanted when she licked her thumb.

“No, just checking out the businesses in this area.  We’re new in town.”  He smiled, biting the corner of his mouth just barely. She noticed.

“Really?”  She drawled out.

“Yeah, you own this place?”  Her eyes connected with his.  He was wearing a button-down, blue plaid shirt, sleeves rolled up, top two buttons undone.  She could tell there was nothing underneath and the blue of his shirt brought out the dim blue in his hazel eyes.  She cleared her throat and silently hated her boss for showing her that particular scene she was working on after lunch.  The one that involved a kitchen counter and an ice cube.

“No, no.  My friend Julie does.  She’s a writer.”

“What does she write?” Whether it was his intense gaze or the thought of her boss’s writing, she blushed profusely and tried to turn away from both of them that were now leaning against the counter.

“Stories…”

“Ah-ha, so now we’re intrigued!”

“Yeah, you probably should be.” She was trying to flirt; hoping that the one she wanted would take a subtle hint and figure out what Nikki really wanted from him. It had been too long since she had had a man in her bed.  Longer since she had had a date.  She made up her mind right then that he would do for this occasion.  Nikki was like that, determined and forceful.  If an idea came to her, she acted on it immediately.  And she got what she wanted.  She reached under the counter and slid a book across the surface.  

 “Ok, she’s going to kill me but here’s one of her books.”

“Breathless?”  He asked.

She smiled as she heard the title of her friend’s book read aloud.  The paperback was a dark green color with the black word ‘Breathless’ in a boring font across the front. No damsel in distress with a long-haired, chiseled man holding her from behind, no title in golden lettering and bold cursive.  Just a plain, boring cover.

“Just read the first page and you’ll understand…”

The man pointed his thumb over his shoulder at his companion.  “He’s the reader of the group. I’m more of a people person.”

“Really?”  

He gave her a beaming smile and leaned further over the counter while his friend plucked the book from the counter, looked the book over as if he was inspecting an artifact, before opening to the first page.     

“Yes, I’m more interested in what your name is.”

“I’m Nikki, or Nik.”

“Hello Nik, I’m John…”  They shook hands, lingering momentarily. Nik leaned over her side of the counter, purposefully using her upper arms to push her breasts together just slightly.

“So when’d you get here, John?”

“Just two weeks ago.  Got a job out here, little brother has to tag along.”  She nodded.  So they were brothers!  After spending a few seconds just smiling flirtatiously at him, she finally glanced over at the brother.  Nik stifled a laugh.  Little Brother had his nose buried in the book.  His eyes scanning rapidly, his mouth moving softly and quickly as he silently read to himself.  

“You ok there, bro?”  John looked as well and chuckled.

 "So, you say your friend writes this...."  He asked slowly, not looking up.

"What on earth are you reading?" John asked and walked over to glance over his brother’s shoulder.

"Porn!"

"It’s not porn,” Nik defended.  She waved her hand in the air.  “It’s romantic fiction.”

"Umm….”  The brother snapped the book closed and asked, “Is your friend here right now?"

"Yes, would you like to meet her? Maybe she will let you keep that copy of the book and sign it for you," Nikki said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.  Julie would kill her if she sent this guy back there to see her.  But on the other hand, it would get her alone with Mr. John.  Maybe this was what they both needed.  Get Julie out of her comfort zone and make her chat with a hot man, and Nik could chat with his wonderfully sexy brother.  This was a good plan.  

The man slowly nodded at the idea of meeting this mysterious writer while Nik took a deep breath and said a silent prayer that Julie would at least be willing to entertain this man for five minutes.

“Wait here.” She walked back through the store to an opening covered with a curtain that had “employees only” painted on it.  Julie really needed to let her spruce the place up.  It was starting to look like an old camp site for homeless people.  Ok, it wasn’t that bad, but Nik was sure that a fresh coat of paint and some new flooring and signage could help the place look better.  Julie just maintained that musty and dark were what people wanted out of book stores. But now, with these new guys in the store, Nik felt slightly embarrassed that she worked in such a swampy hole.

The stock room door was open and she peeked in first just to make sure Julie wasn’t hiding out.  A shipment was supposed to come in today but had been delayed until tomorrow.  It was partly why Nik was so bored at work, until now.  As soon as Mr. John and his brother walked in, her boredom vanished.  Julie’s office door was closed and had a sign that had been up for four months and was barely hanging on with one single piece of tape.  The paper was ripped in the corner and read in thick black sharpie:  Please knock before barging in. If you hear music, then I’m probably dancing (and you should join in).  Otherwise KNOCK!”

At the soft sound of ‘come on in’, Nikki opened the door and held onto the knob as she leaned into the door way.  Her boss was there sitting Indian style in her chair, green eyes glued onto the computer screen, fingers typing profusely. Her light brown hair was pulled up in a messy bun on top of her head.

“Sooo Julie…”

“What’s up?”  She did not look up.

"There’s someone out here who would like to meet you." Julie’s fingers stopped mid click-clack and she slowly moved her gaze to Nik and opened her mouth.  She stared for only a moment before going back to typing.  

"Like someone important? Because I’m in the middle of this.  Can it wait?"

"I think you want to meet him.”  Nik moved to lean against the door frame. “He’s pretty sexy. I got dibs on his brother, though."

A slow sigh escaped Julie’s mouth.  "Really Nik, really?” she asked unamused.  “A guy?  A sexy guy? You are just saying this so you can get alone with the brother. "

Nikki protested.  “No Julie! He really is hot.  And ok, yes, of course I want to get the man alone, but I swear, once you see his kid brother you'll understand.  Plus, it wouldn’t hurt for you to flirt with him. Or anybody.”

"Well then why don’t you go after him?  Kid brother?  What is he, like twelve?" she said exasperatingly.

“Pleaseeee Julie.” Julie glanced up again and just stared at her friend with a scowl.  “He’s like all into your book, too.”

Nik jumped slightly when Julie’s palms suddenly smacked against her desk that was littered with papers of all sizes and colors. Lists of every kind, ideas, notes, things to remember, things to do—you name it, it was somewhere on that desk.  "You let him read my book?!?!"

“Whoops?”  Nikki shrugged.  

"I hate you some times.  I’m not moving from my desk, I have to finish this today.  Make him come here, if he’s so desperate!"

Nik beamed.  She had won this round.  

“And he better be older than twelve!”  Julie called out at her.

She laughed and walked back through the curtain and held it open for the brother.  “She’s in there….”  She pointed to the door that she had left half open.  The man quickly scooted over with a smile on his face and the book held tight against his chest.  “Watch out, though.  She’s rough sometimes.”

Nikki left him with a half shocked-half intrigued look on his face and sauntered back into the store front where his brother was smiling, still leaning against the counter top. At this point she didn’t care what Julie said or did.  This guy, this John guy, was new in town—which was good, ‘cause she had run the gamut and had yet to find a guy worth dating in this stupid town.  This one was sexy and flirty, and who cared what happened?  She was going to plant a seed in his mind and see if it grew.   Julie could put up with his brother for at least five minutes while she watered her potential hot-ass garden.


It was typical of Nikki to do this: to just force some guy, or girl, or dog (yeah, that happened once) on her to take care of while Nik explored her sexual options.  Too bad Nikki’s brother was her lawyer, and too bad her lawyer was probably her closest friend, and too bad she kind of really liked this sister of his.  There was something about her--something Julie couldn’t ever have for herself—a fearlessness, a boldness.  If Nik saw something she wanted, she got it whether it was a Coach bag, or an Oreo Milkshake, or a man.  And she never had one regret.

Last fall, Blake said to Julie, “Hey, my sister needs a job.  You’re looking for someone to run the store, right?”

She should have said no.  But she said yes, and here she was about to babysit a little brother of some sexy man.  She prayed he really wasn’t 12 and prayed Nikki hadn’t really given him a copy of one of her books.  Especially if he was 12.

The door shut and she knew the kid had entered.  She didn’t look up. She couldn’t get this one thing to work.  She hated Excel, math and anything called a formula. "I'll be with you in one moment..."

She knew she was being stared at, but she didn’t care.  Nothing was worth this and Nik should have known better.  She figured out the formula was pulling from the wrong column and said a silent, “ah ha!” before finally looking up and taking in the person staring back at her.  He was leaning against the closed door, wearing a God-awful orange Tennessee t-shirt and relaxed jeans.   He was attractive, with light brown hair that curled just a little and piercing blue eyes that didn’t move from her.  

He wasn’t twelve.

He didn’t say anything, just stared at her.  So she dipped her head down a bit and opened her mouth.   Finally,
he said in a small, shy voice.  “Hi."

She rolled her eyes and went back to typing. "Hi there."

"So....." She glanced up as he drawled out the word.  A half grin came to his face and a deep breath was let out making his shirt tighten then loosen around his chest.  He no longer looked shy, but confident and determined. "You write porn."

She didn’t look up, but pulled her cardigan around her.  Despite being a million degrees outside, her office always seemed to be cold.  This wasn’t the first time her employee had given her secret away and she was forced to deal with a guy who cared about nothing but the fact that her writing sometimes had sex scenes in them.  It was tiring and annoying and pretty pathetic.  She just hoped her friend was at least getting the number of whoever was outside.  Someone ought to benefit from this encounter, since clearly she wasn’t.  

"Nice to meet you, too.  My name is Julie."

"It's hot."

She was unimpressed and kept typing away.  "Why thanks. That copy in your hand is $19.95.  I'll sign it for free if you want."

It was silent for a moment and Julie glanced up from her screen.  He was pouting a little.  He really was pathetic.  Maybe she was wrong, maybe he was twelve.  “You’re actually going to make me buy it?"

"Well, if you don’t want to purchase the book, you could just sit right here…”  She pointed to the ratty old couch against the wall of her office.  “...and read it until you get done, but I have a lot of other important things to do and would rather not babysit right now." She nodded to her computer monitor.  That was a nice comeback.  Maybe he’d take the hint that she didn’t really want to have a conversation.  It was the end of the month, and these damn expense reports weren’t going to magically do themselves.

But he didn’t take a hint.  She had only encouraged him.  His eyes sparkled and he shuffled closer to her desk, around the side, still holding the book carefully in his hands. "Lemme see."

Julie rolled her chair back just slightly and turned her monitor away from him, holding her hands up over the screen, but not doing a very good job of blocking him from it.  “Um, excuse me sir, I don’t know who you are. Don’t know your name or anything and you are coming over here invading my personal space and trying to view my private documents.  Have some respect.”

He shook the book in his hand and shrugged, “You got it in book form, doesn’t seem that private to me.  And I'm Justin. And I’m disappointed you’re working in Excel and not typing some hot sex scene right now."

She ignored his extended hand and tried to hold back her anger when he plopped on the edge of her desk, crumpling the papers that were on top of the surface.  His one leg dangled off the desk. They were just notes, but still—no respect!  “Well Justin…” She reached over and violently pulled the papers he was sitting on out from under him, tearing a few of them.  He laughed at her and she grumbled.  “I'm quite busy so unless you have anything else, I need to get back to my work.

"I have some questions."  He was exhausting her, and she knew now she was going to have to go all out bitch on this guy or he wouldn’t leave her alone.  Julie threw her glasses off, leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest, blinking at him slowly.  He was cute and excited and comfortable.  But he was a pathetic guy, only concerned about one thing.  It was all a sham.  And a shame.    

She could feel a migraine coming on.  

"Ok one...”  He held up a finger.  “Where do you come up with your ideas, like are they experiences you've had or just all fantasy?"

She narrowed her eyes just slightly. "None of your business."

He held up another finger. "Are you single?"

She tilted her head and could feel her hair falling out of its holder. "Does it matter?"  She scoffed and pulled her hair down only to throw it back up in some sloppy fashion.  

"Well yeah, I mean you write this hot kinky shit, and I only read three pages and well, I wanna read more." He bit his lip at her.  Every other woman would have melted by now, she knew this.  They would be making out with him furiously by now.  He was attractive, sexy even.  He knew what he was doing—he was working all his charms hard to get her to give him something back.  But she wouldn’t give in.   "I wanna know more."

"Yes.  Single and lonely, got a drawer full of dildos right here." She pinched the bridge of her nose with one hand and tapped the drawer right below his knee with her other.  He really was annoying her, just coming in and sitting on her desk like he was her boss or something.  Who was this kid?  

"Seriously?" His voice was now breathy and excited.

“Look for yourself!" she shrugged and moved her monitor back to normal so she could finish her report.  Maybe if she ignored him he would leave. She couldn’t believe he was actually there, a foot from her, leaned down, opening the drawer.  She laughed. How hopeless!  He left the drawer wide open and she looked over at the drawer that had a box of blue pens, an empty hanging file folder and box of Cheez-its.

She looked up at him and his eyes narrowed at her.  "You lied."

She just smirked and picked up her glasses, putting them back on so she could read a receipt, entering it into the spreadsheet.  Lunch at Burrito Mama with Nik?  Yeah, sure, that was a business lunch.  She typed it into a column.

"So you wanna play this game?"

"No, no game." She shook her head ‘no’, still not looking at him.

She sucked in a harsh breath as he pulled back her chair from under her desk and pressed his hands into the arms of the chair, leaning over her.  Most women would find this irresistible, and Julie made a mental note and filed this away as an idea. She needed to write it down in her idea book, but honestly couldn’t keep her gaze off his.  Suddenly she could hear the blood pumping in her ears.  He was leaning in.  Was this guy really going to make a pass at her?  He knew nothing about her!

She could smell him.  Whatever his cologne was, it was nice.  Not like the coffee breath professors she was used to in the store, or the bathed in Axe Body Spray 18 year old boys who’s scent would linger for hours and cause her and Nik a headache.  This was barely there, but noticeable when you were close.  Damn, he was close, inches from her face even, a smirk on his lips.

“You’re playing some game, I know you are.  You gotta teach me the rules."

Julie gulped.  This had gone too damn far.  But normally her strong voice and bitchy attitude would show up.  Instead she found herself looking closely at him, trying to figure him out.  His eyes were a deep shade of blue, dark and navy, and his left eyebrow had a small quarter inch scar slicing the edge of it.  A small freckle rested to the right of his nose.  He was clean shaven, but a shadow was beginning to appear.  She went back to his eyes, they were smiling but there was a worry in them. Intense worry. The wrinkle in his forehead confirmed this.  He had more going on with him than what appeared to be a cocky, aroused man.  But she didn’t care.  She didn’t have time to care.  All he saw in her was what she wrote—and not even the stuff she wrote that mattered the most.  And that would get him nowhere.  

So she had to stop this.

She uncrossed her legs and slid her bare feet back through her flip-flops and stood up, forcing him to step back from her, only inches away.  He was taller than her by quite a bit.  It wasn’t hard to be much taller than her.  Julie was exactly 5 feet tall and she rarely wore heels.  She glared up at him when she knew he was looking down at her cleavage.  She pulled her cardigan tight over her front.

 “That’s quite close enough, mister. I should get outside and help Nik and you should probably stop being so forceful and get out of my office.”  Julie marched over to the door and opened it and pointed.  “Out!” she commanded, as if he were a dog.

He sauntered over to her slowly.  He looked deflated and a little mad, but there was still a curious glance in his eyes.  He walked passed her and turned in the small hallway before the green curtain.  Five feet separated them, but Julie could still smell his cologne.  She was going to have to figure out what it was.  It could be a present for Blake.  “I’m going to figure out this game you’re playing.  Have no doubt about that.”

He exited through the curtain and Julie immediately remembered the book, still clutched in his hand.

“Hey!” she hollered and slung back the curtain, busting back through the shop.  “You gonna pay for that book or just steal it?

"You gonna sign it like you said?" he asked, mimicking her snarky tone.

She walked over, snatched the book from his fingers and put it on the counter. She plucked a red pen from the mug on top of the counter and pulled the cap off with her teeth. Nikki looked insanely amused and Julie said to her in a mumbled voice, “I hate you.  Charge him for this and get him out of my store.”

After scribbling on the title page for less than two seconds, Julie threw the pen down and walked away from the entire scene, flustered with herself for being so stupid and for letting this dude get to her.  He was pathetic. She knew that.  But why was she the one feeling pathetic? She busied herself with looking at the poetry section of her store, thinking about what she may need to reorder for the summer.  Maybe she would completely redo this section, move it over to the back corner—fill this slot with beach reads.  She hadn’t even looked at the other one, the brother.  It didn’t matter.  None of this did.  She could hear Nik ring the guy up, say something flirty to both of them, laugh.  Ugh!  Julie glanced over her shoulder when she heard her say, “Have a great day fellas, see you soon!” The sleigh bells rang out as the door opened and shut.

It didn’t take more than five seconds after the door shut before Nik sang out, “So Julieee….”  

Julie didn’t stop from straightening the poetry books.  “Don’t.”

“What did you write to him?”  

Julie looked over and her friend was sitting on the counter, smiling devilishly at her.  “My name.”

“You did more than sign your name, I saw you.”

Julie moved away from the bookshelf and went around the young adult rack and put her hands up.  “You’re getting nothing from me, ‘cause I hate you with all my life right now.”

“Julie, come on.”

She stopped and sighed, her shoulders slumped.  “Did you at least get the guy’s number?”

“No…”  Nik stood up straight off the counter, making her long, lanky frame look thinner and taller than normal.  She pouted a little, looking down at her nails.  “I actually got a little intimidated by him ‘cause he was just so freakin’ awesome.”  Her downturned eyes moved back up to Julie and she smiled. “…but he said he’d come back in soon.”

“You? Intimidated?  Dang.  Kind of wish I had actually looked at him then!” Julie smiled, happy for her friend.  She then glared at nothing in particular, picking random books from shelves. “Hopefully he’ll leave his brother at home next time he visits.”

“He was cute!”  Julie put the books she had picked on the counter.  She didn’t acknowledge the “cute” comment, and reached over the counter, blindly feeling for the red 20% off roll of stickers on the shelf below the counter. “What happened back there?” Nik asked.

“What do you think happened?”  Julie didn’t look at her and started placing a sticker by the barcode of each book.

“Julie.  Come on…you know I’m just looking out for you.”

“And you know first impressions aren’t my forte.  You finish this. I’ve gotta get back to it.  Any of the books we carry for classes can be marked down.”

Nikki laughed as Julie walked back towards the stock room and her office.  “Did he inspire you to write?”

“No, but to work on my April expenses?”  Julie smiled over her shoulder as her friend rolled her eyes.  “Yes, he did inspire me to do that.”

Back in her office, Julie let out a deep breath, pulled her glasses to the tip of her nose and pressed her thumbs in the corners of her eyes where pressure was building.  She felt like a moron and crumbled into her office chair.  She knew what was about to happen.  She was going to be around this dude.  Nik was going to get with the brother and situations would happen when she’d have to be around him.

He’d bother her about her writing, ask her personal questions, try to flirt and finally, she knew she would just have to give it to him straight—straighter than she did today.  All out psycho-bitch straight.  She wasn’t interested and never would be. Julie didn’t date.  She wasn’t interested in a boyfriend or a husband, a fuck buddy, a one night stand, or even a pen pal.  She was beyond that and had settled her fate a while ago.  It wasn’t that she was so damaged she needed therapy, or that she was some raving lesbian feminist.  No, she was just a writer—a lonely, closed-off writer.  She wasn’t going to change that for anyone.  Not for blue eyes, not for a smirk, not for an eyebrow scar.  She was an observer, not an actor.  It was safe that way, comfortable that way.  

And despite the judgment that everyone else threw her way and the thoughts she knew raced through her family and friend’s minds about being 30 and alone and completely uninterested in dating, she didn’t care.  She was happy and she was fine, completely and utterly fine with being alone.

Thursdays were always a great day to go to a bar.  They were noisy with the excitement of almost being the weekend.  In a college town, the worry of a bar being run over with annoying underage drinkers was always lurking.  Even so, Strauss & Main wasn’t the type of place that would entertain college kids.  It was a great place because it was just a plain bar.  Nothing too fancy, no themes—just a regular bar with a decent selection of craft beer, an okay wine list and phenomenal selection of scotch. It was busy for a drizzly day, but not so crowded you couldn’t move.  No Bud Lite bucket specials or weird over-sexualized contests that involved specific clothing choices.  Just good food and decent prices with alcohol that matched.  This was the main reason the guys had decided to come here while they were exploring the warehouse district—there was a buzz when they walked inside.

 

Justin was staring off into space.  After watching the Braves game last night alone, which went into extra innings, he had been a little gloomy remembering how last season he watched every single game with his dad.  When he saw that book laying on his dresser, just peeking out from under his orange shirt he had lazily dropped, he greedily snatched it and lay in bed reading ‘til 3am.  He was thinking about going back tonight and re-reading it, maybe making a few notes, figuring out a few scenes…and uh….jerking off again.  It helped him get to sleep on a night that he would have otherwise stared at the ceiling until dawn. 

 

That girl, that Julie girl, was just his type.  She was so extremely attractive, but in the most perfect, unassuming way.  Most people would probably just look past her.  She didn’t command attention like her friend, that Nikki girl.  You had to seek her out and once you did your eyes were not disappointed.  She wasn’t overdone, but natural and comfortable and easy in her look.  Even if he hadn’t seen her book before he had seen her, he’d still have been interested and intrigued. 

 

And now, after reading her book, he felt kind of bad.  She was a really good writer, and he knew he caught her off guard when he invaded her personal space. He shouldn’t have gotten that close to her, and he realized now it wasn’t just about proximity when he was trying to flirt with her.  That office was probably her workspace for all sorts of things, writing, her store, and he invaded that, too.  He knew just how much it sucked to have people in your business.  It was one of the reasons he agreed to move here when the opportunity presented itself.

 

He sighed and stared at the dark brown liquid in his half empty glass.  He had been too forward with her and had probably ruined any chance he had with her. 

 

‘Dammit’, he thought.  ‘Stop being so pathetic and down.’  

 

You couldn’t blame him for invading her space, though! For being that forward!  Her writing on that first page of the damn book was so tantalizingly thick with sex he thought she was going to be some sexy pin up girl with red lipstick and soft blonde hair.  He imagined her being some vixen that seduced men left and right.  He was actually looking for Jessica Rabbit.  And he was looking for a distraction.

 

But she wasn’t a distraction.  She was just a normal person, maybe a little closed off and easily flustered, but normal. She was short and curvy and cute with green eyes that seemed to sparkle with flecks of gold, even while looking at a spreadsheet.

 

He smirked and took a swallow of his beer.  He wouldn’t mind spreading her on his sheets….

 

He had to stop.  First, that was cheesy and secondly, he had to restrain himself.  The last scene of the book involved the two main characters drinking beer at a bar that could have easily been based off this place.  The characters chatted mildly before deciding to head home.  It ended with them smiling and breathless as they frantically fucked in the dark parking lot pressed up against a pick-up truck.

 

He owned a pick-up.

 

He cleared his throat and shifted a little on his barstool before looking over at his brother who was busy staring at PTI on one of the flat screens above the bar. 

 

“So, I think we should go back to the book store.”

 

John didn’t even look over at him.  “We went there yesterday.”

 

“And those chicks are hot! And I know you were hankering for that Nikki girl.”  His brother still didn’t acknowledge him.  “We’re new.  We need to make new friends.”

 

“And we don’t need to seem desperate.”  John was so condescending sometimes.  “I’m working on a plan for Nikki, anyway.”

 

Justin couldn’t help but roll his eyes and smile at John saying he had a “plan”.  It was just like him.

 

“We won’t seem desperate!  Just go back in to buy some books,” Justin smiled.  Whether John wanted to or not, he was probably going to do it on his own.  He didn’t care if he looked like a fool.  He needed to get another chance to figure that girl out.

 

“You know nothing about women.”  Justin looked away and gulped his beer. He hated all this shit talk John would give him.  A mere two year age difference between them made him think he was Einstein and Ghandi and Don Juan all wrapped up in one—spitting out advice that he deemed important and helpful.  He wasn’t an expert on anything but drawing blueprints.  He had actually had a hard time keeping girlfriends.  But being the younger brother meant that Justin was bound to have to hear these golden nuggets of knowledge from his much wiser and more stoic brother.

 

John was such an ass.

 

“You read that book all last night and think you now can get in with this girl? When was the last time you had a girlfriend?”

 

“A year ago.  And you know why I’m not with her anymore and Becks has nothing to do with this.”  Justin passed him a dark look.  “This is not about relationships.  This is about—Well, I’m gotta figure this girl out.  She writes this book, it’s not even like….”  He stopped mid sentence, searching for the words in the air.  “I don’t know, it’s sexy.  It’s more than just porn, ya know?  I don’t know.”

 

“You sound like bastard.  It was just a romance novel, Justin.”  John's comment was stupid and arrogant, but he was headed in the right direction.  Justin knew he was getting obsessive.  But nothing like this had sparked his interested in a long time.  Everything had been so blah lately, even this move—which should have been exciting, was just something to do, to get away.  Normally he’d be excited about discovering a new town, meeting new people, but honestly he was just moving through it.  Doing the motions, smiling when he had to, not really making any decisions, just being there. His mind was elsewhere…almost always lately…

 

 

But this girl, and her musty old shop and her book were interesting.  It was a puzzle that didn’t fit with the pieces given.  Why would a girl who pushed him away like the plague write this short book that was so sexy that even the parts that had nothing to do with sex seemed forbidden and hushed?  He circled the title on the title page in pencil because it was the perfect explanation of how he felt after reading the book.  Why would she, the girl whose writing made him breathless, own some book store that smelled like old, rotten liquor boxes and dust?

 

And why did this girl who pushed him away and bitched him out stare at him as hard as she did? 

 

“But you saw her, she was all closed off and had this wall.  There’s something about her.  I gotta figure it out.”

 

“You’re going down a slippery slope, little brother.” John placed his hand on Justin’s shoulder and gave him his 'I always know best’ look.  But his eyes moved and a huge smile broke out on his face.  Justin turned and followed his gaze as his brother mumbled, “Well looky here…”

 

Nikki was entering the bar, looking pretty awesome in bright yellow heels, tight jeans and a tank top.  Her red hair was down and she had on big earrings that seemed to go with her big personality.   “And you say you aren’t desperate, you look like a jerk.” Justin pushed his brother’s hand off of his shoulder and laughed.  John was basically drooling at the site of Nik walk through the door.

 

A glare was passed his way. “You’re just sad she’s alone without her friend.”

 

“Shut up.” Justin raised his hand in a silent salute to her.  When her eyes focused on them and a sly smile formed on her face, she maneuvered her way past some tables towards them, moving her hips in a sexy way.  Justin wished his buddy Bill was here so they could make a wager on how long it would take John to make it with Nikki.  John took his time with ladies and sometime he took so long they got uninterested.  He always had to plan everything.  In fact, John probably had a listed schedule for asking her on a date and how many dates to wait until he fucked her.  He was too damned structured.

 

“Well congratulations fellas, you found the best bar in the city.”

 

“That’s what we heard.  Wanna join us?”  Justin asked.  He looked at John who was still just staring, looking like a freak.

 

“I’m meeting someone.

 

“That girl Julie that writes?”  Justin cursed himself for sounding like a child with the excitement in his voice.

 

“No…” Nik laughed and said in a compassionate tone, “Sadly for you, I guess.

 

“Just askin’.”  He mumbled it.  He knew he sounded like an idiot and felt like one now for asking. 

 

“Sorry about her behavior,” Nik said.  She pursed her lips before saying, “I guess you could say she’s kind of socially awkward.”  Justin nodded.  That was ok.  He could work with that.  “But ya’ll enjoy your drinks…” 

 

Justin knew right then and there, John couldn’t wait for this girl.  She didn’t work on a schedule and he was losing her. It was obvious she liked him, but she wasn’t just going to stand there while he couldn’t say a damn word.

 

 

“Wait, wait!” Justin looked away as John grabbed Nik’s wrist when she started to turn.  “Come on girl, join us while you wait on your friend.  You haven’t even given me time to invite you to our party Friday.”

 

“You’re having a party?”  She put her hand on her hip and raised an eyebrow.  “I thought you were new.  You know enough people to have a party in this town?”

 

“Yeah, we’re having a party?” Justin asked.  This was news to him.  They had just gotten unpacked a few days ago and yeah, Calvin was pretty crazy, but this seemed like a bull shit reason.  Justin had no doubt that John had just made this up, made this up to get Nik to come to something.  Bastard was too fucking scared to ask the girl on a date.

 

Justin shook his head. 

 

“Yes.  Calvin and I talked about it earlier.”  Justin really doubted that was true, but nodded his head slowly, listening to the conversation. “You girls should come.”

 

That was the only thing that kept him from truly protesting.  Right now a party would suck.  He didn’t really want to have to deal with all these people in their house that he didn’t know and was forced to make nice with and answer questions to.  But if Julie was going to be there….  This would be a good place to get to know Miss Writer girl.  Not in her personal space, not on her territory, but on his.  It would be a relaxed space with alcohol and food to chill the air.  Maybe she’d open up to him.  In more ways than one. 

 

But when Nik said, “We’ll see.  We’re pretty busy.” Justin looked at her just like John did.  Was she serious?  This girl who was clearly jonesin’ for his brother was suddenly coy and unsure?  What the fuck?  She had to come and she had to bring her friend!

 

“Why you being all shy?  You weren’t shy the other day.”

 

“I don’t know.  I guess I just thought about it.  You’re a complete stranger.  I don’t know you very well.”

 

“Perfect opportunity to get to know me on Friday.”

 

“But what if you are an axe murderer?”  Justin rolled his eyes at the flirty way it was said.  It was stupid.  John was here with a pretty lady and all he had was his beer that had gotten warm.

 

“I can’t believe you’re playing that way.  How can I convince you to come?”

 

“Sorry.  I watched the Shining last night and I’m a little tense about it.  Ya know, the whole ‘Here’s Johnnie bit.’  Your name is John.”

 

“That’s a great movie!  I love Stephen King, but Justin gets scared so I have no one to watch it with.”  He punched his brother in the shoulder.  What a fuck-tard.  Just cause he wasn’t a fan of the horror genre didn’t mean he was scared.  He actually found most scary movies boring, King's included.  Hitchcock was cool, but Hitchcock was old and classic and psychological and a champ and sexy.  He was a fat old man, but his movies were sexy. 

 

“So you should come party!”

 

 

“I don’t know, maybe you should convince me.  I’m not quite convinced you aren’t going to make my mangled body be the star of a 48 hours investigation.”

 

“Well your body is the star of many investigations that I would like to perform.”

 

“Did you really just say that?”  Justin couldn’t keep that from slipping through his lips.  For all his brother’s arrogance, he was a complete asshole when it came to flirting with women. 

 

“Shut up.  I don’t need a side line commentator.”

 

Justin turned on his bar stool so he could face both of them.  He shrugged at his brother, smiled at Nik.  Maybe if Nik liked him, Julie would start to like him.  “You could tell her I’m grilling burgers.  I make great burgers.”

 

“That’s true.  He really does.”

 

“How about this, give me your address and maybe we’ll show up?”

 

“I’ll take it.”  Justin eyed his brother as he scribbled his address, his number and a time, 7:30pm, on a cocktail napkin and handed it to her.   “My number’s on there just in case.”

 

“Alright,” Nik looked over her shoulder and waved at a girl on her cell phone that had just entered the bar.  “My friend is here.  I’ll see you guys later.”

 

“God, she is fine,” John exclaimed when she walked away, watching as she hugged her friend and immediately fell into talking with her, finding a table on the far end of the room.

 

“She’s nice.”  Justin tipped his glass towards her and then nodded at his brother. “You’re a jerk.”  Justin tried to catch his brother’s eye line.  “Your body is the star? And you called me desperate.”

 

“Shut up.”  His shoulder was pushed lightly.  “Maybe she’ll bring your porn writing lover.”

 

“Maybe she will.  That’d be a plus.”  Justin sighed and then finished his beer, setting it down and saying, “I have so many questions that need answers from that chick.”  John still hadn’t moved, hadn’t turned back around on his bar stool, or picked up his beer.  He was still looking at Nikki. “Ok, we’re gonna have to leave if you stare at her the whole time.  That’s gonna make her feel like you’re stalking her.”

 

“You’re probably right.  Shit, I gotta get myself together.  Let’s go to Jake’s.”  John motioned to the bartender that they were ready for their tab to close out.

 

While they signed their receipts, Justin said very softly, “Just know, I know I’ve only ever had one real long term relationship and that was with Becky and you think that means I’m clueless when it comes to women.  But I don’t think Nik is a person who will just wait for you.  I think if you want her, you need to go after her at this sudden party we’re having.”

 

John was quiet.  He glanced over to the table where she was laughing with her friend.  “Maybe you are right.” 

 

“Please, I’m always right.  You are just too stubborn to listen.” Justin laughed a full laugh.  His brother smiled at him and he knew what he was thinking.  It had been a while since Justin had really laughed like that.  Maybe he was getting over it.  Maybe it was time.  Maybe this fresh start was starting to work.

 

 

As soon as she and Cindy parted ways, Nikki fished through her purse to find her phone so she could call her boss.  She desperately needed to go to this party to hang out with John. As she walked to her car she found Julie’s number in her phone and called her.  An exasperated, “Hey Nik…” came over the phone.

 

“So….”

 

“Get to the point Nik!” Julie sounded so annoyed and impatient.  She had just been horizontal on her couch, covered in a blanket, completely into the movie.  It was at the end of Raiders, and even though she had seen the movie a million times, she still got freaked out and enthralled when they opened the Ark of the Covenant. 

 

Why couldn’t Nik call in 30 minutes, in Temple when they were eating monkey brains?  She usually fast forwarded through that part anyway. She wouldn’t have cared about getting up and searching her kitchen for her cell phone during that part.

 

“I’m in the middle of something.” She leaned against her kitchen counter and stared at the dirty dishes she needed to put in the dish washer.  She could do it tomorrow.

 

“A good story point?”

 

“No….”

 

Julie didn’t say anything else and didn’t really want to.  She knew she had bailed on Nik at the last minute, but she had just got a hankering for watching some movies and sitting at home.  She wanted popcorn and a dark room and a blanket—so she made it happen.  And she really didn’t want to go out with Cindy and Nik.  Usually they just ended up talking about Cindy’s husband and kids and it always made Nik annoyed and Julie bored and kind of sick to her stomach.

 

But she still was a little embarrassed for bailing with what she knew her friend would think is a lame excuse. “Ok, I’m watching a movie marathon.”

 

Nik couldn’t help but laugh.  The girl was hopeless with her marathons.  And Julie knew it.  What had become a tradition for the first weekend of every month had recently morphed into a weekly occurrence.             

 

“Star Wars or Lord of the Rings?”

 

“Neither.  Indiana Jones.”

 

“And this is why you couldn’t come to the bar tonight?”  At least Nik didn’t sound too pissed off.  “This is why I had to listen to Cindy bitch about her husband alone.”

 

“It’s important for me to have my me time.”

 

“Yeah, like all the time you lonely goatherd!”  Nik was laughing, so at least she wasn’t so mad she couldn’t joke.  “So listen, guess who I saw at the bar?”

 

“Pope Francis.” Julie yawned and moved back into her den, plopping on the couch Indian style.

 

“Close!”  Nik sounded absolutely mischievous.  “Those brothers from the store the other day.”

 

“Oh.” Julie paused and then slowly moved back horizontal on the couch, lying on her side, watching the BluRay logo bounce and float on her screen.  She really had hoped those guys would have just disappeared.

But she knew better.  She knew Nik would find them somehow, or they’d find her.  Why was the universe forcing her to talk to this guy!?

 

“Yes, and they want us to come to a party this weekend.”

 

“And what did you say?”  Julie didn’t know why she asked.  Nik probably told them they’d be there with bells on.  And nothing else. 

 

“I told them we didn’t know ‘cause they could be murderers.”

 

Julie flipped over on her back and stared at her ceiling, blindly searching for the blanket at her feet and pulling it up over her. “You sound like me.  You should go if you want.”

 

“I am not going by myself. You know I’ll get in trouble.”

 

“Take Blake.”

 

“Ugh! That’s your excuse for getting out of everything lately.”  It was true.  She had often mentioned Blake as the buffer, Blake would do anything if you asked (if he weren’t already busy).  Julie had never been one for crowds of people or parties, especially not recently, and especially not with people she didn’t know.  “You’re just scared.”

 

“Fine.  Take Cindy. And I’m not scared, I’m just busy.” She knew she was being defensive and her mother would tell her to stop pouting.  But the last thing she wanted was going to a party where she didn’t know people and being forced to talk to that Justin guy.  He’d say something offensive and she’d get caught staring at his eyes and look like a moron.  Why did he have to be attractive?  It would have been so much easier if he hadn’t.  And not just attractive, but interesting—she could tell there was something else going on in his mind and she was a little curious about it.  Normally she could find some flaw with handsome men that came onto her.  Too much this, too little that.  But this dude, she had questions for him and kind of wanted to get to know him.  But she didn’t want to go down that path ‘cause she knew that he would just want to ask her about her writing.  And she was damn tired of that.  And he’d think she was into him by her curiousness and she wasn’t into anybody!  It was part of being a writer being interested in other people.  That was it.

 

Julie had to figure a way out of this.   “And maybe you are right.  What if they really are murderers?  I mean, flirting with customers to get them to buy stuff is one thing. Going to their house is another.  I wouldn’t just go over to Mrs. Maple’s house if she asked.”

 

“Yeah, you would.”

 

It was true.  Mrs. Maple was her hero and old and awesome and probably had tea parties for her and all her old widowed friends.  “Yeah, so I totally would.”

 

 

“Ok, Mrs. Indiana Jones, you need to go on a date.  I will not let you end up old and alone like Mrs. Maple.”

 

“Dates don’t work for me, you know that.  And Mrs. Maple was married for 57 years before her husband died.  Why are you getting on me about this? I thought two weeks ago you promised to stop pushing me on this subject.”

 

“Well, I lied.  And you’re too critical.  You are waiting for Mr. Perfect and I’m telling you no such man exists.”

 

“Then why haven’t you found Mr. Imperfect?”  If she had known this was where Nik was going with the conversation, she would have continued to watch Nazi faces melt off and then watched Indiana Jones eat monkey brains and watch someone’s heart pulled out of their chest.  It would have been much more entertaining.

 

“Maybe I have with John.  Maybe Friday night will be my story book ending.  You gotta get back into the real world sometime, girl.”

 

“I’ve made a lot of money off day dreaming.”

 

“Like you care about that.”

 

Julie rubbed a hand over her face.  She did feel bad.  All Nik had talked about in the shop since Wednesday was that John guy, but Julie didn’t really want Nik going to a party alone.  What if they were creepos? But she wasn’t going to talk to that guy Justin.  And she wouldn’t be left alone.

 

“I’ll go, but only if Blake goes. You know I have a hard time talking to strangers and I need someone there to talk to while you go off and find a husband. But I’m not staying late. And I’m only doing this to get you off my back.”

 

“And to see your new boyfriend.”  That was the exactly opposite of what she wanted to do.  And he was NOT her boyfriend! And never would be! 

 

“I hope not. He thinks I’m easy.”  She cursed herself after she said it.  She shouldn't have acknowledged Nik's comment.

 

“He bought the book.”

 

Nik had a point.  She wondered if he had read it.  He had probably just skimmed it for the sex scenes.  It wasn’t like there was that many, it was a short book and yeah it started and ended with one, but it wasn’t like the whole book was sex.  It was about two people who were lonely and lost and really upset and they find each other and get happy, after some drama and other normal romantic crap.  She couldn’t ever imagine a guy actually reading it and enjoying the story. “He did actually buy the book.”

 

“I’ll let you get back to Harrison Ford. Remember Dave took my shift tomorrow.  So I'll pick you up at eight tomorrow for the party.”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Bye hon!!”

 

Julie hung up the phone and tossed it on the carpet beside her coffee table.  She stared at the ceiling some more.  She had a feeling this was going to be a disaster.  But maybe she was wrong.  Maybe things would be ok.  Maybe she wouldn’t see the guy, or maybe she would and he’d apologize and be nice and they could be friends.  Right…guys never wanted to be friends.  ‘Friend’ was a four letter word to men when it came to women unless the parenthesis of (with benefits) was attached. 

 

She sighed and pushed herself up a bit and picked up the remote.  Things were better in her head, staying closed off, watching movies, fantasizing and writing: that was comfort.  That was being at home and at ease.  The real world and all the stupid people in it were problematic and she was happy where she was, with Indiana and a couch and her half-eaten, stale bowl of popcorn.  Things could be a lot worse.  She could be heartbroken, or being cheated on, or used, or the worst: in love, married even, to someone who despised her.

 

It just wasn’t worth it.

 

As Nik’s GPS chirped “You have arrived at your destination,” Julie looked out at the cars parked in the driveway and along the street, not seeing the Cherry Red Audi that Blake tooled around town in anywhere. 

 

“I thought he was going to meet us here,” she said, still looking for him as Nik threw the car in park and opened her car door. It was 8:15 and Blake would have been here—he was always impeccably on time.

 

Nikki didn’t say anything and when she slammed her car door shut, Julie had to open hers just to finish the conversation.  Nik came around her car and walked straight towards the two-story brick house in front of them, locking her car remotely and moving with a mission.

 

“So, Blake got sick…” she called out, not looking back at Julie

 

This was the exact reason Julie had been dreading this event for the past 24 hours.  This was why she was anxious and on edge all day, unable to focus because deep down she knew that Nik had never asked Blake and she knew her friend was forcing her to get outside of her comfort zone.  She was going to be at this place with these people whom she didn't know and didn't care to know and it was going to be awkward and weird.  It was going to be hell.

 

“Oh my God, you are a liar.  You never called!”  Julie stomped after her friend, up the stairs to the front door.

 

“Look, I did call him.  I really did!”  Nik passed her an apologetic look as she quickly reapplied her lip gloss and slipped the tube back into her small purse.  “But he has a date and I didn't want to disturb him.  If I told you that, you would have bailed.”  She then pressed the doorbell.  No going back now.

 

“If we are murdered, I’ll never forgive you.”

 

“It’ll be too late once we’re dead!”  Nik laughed.  “And look there’s tons of cars here.  They’re already popular.”  Nik motioned with a wave of her arm to the street in front of the house and then took a minute to look around.  They were on a wraparound porch and the house was fairly large.  They were in one of the nicer sections of town, an older section with many large, southern-style homes—with wraparound porches, big ferns hanging on them or confederate jasmine on trellises, German cars in the driveways and perfectly manicured yards spaced in equal distance from one another.  And lots and lots of old oaks shading thickets and property lines.  “Nice house. Damn, they must be rich, too.”

 

“Cause that’s important,” Julie sighed.  She could smell a charcoal grill somewhere and hoped this wasn’t a whole dinner thing.  She had already eaten and really didn’t want to be here a long time.  She was dreading the fact that the only person she knew here was going to be Nik.  And Nik would be busy with John, and she wasn’t about to entertain that brother again.  She didn’t want to ruin Nik’s fun, but she had to let her know how she felt.  “I hate this so much.  If I can’t find you by 9:30 I’m leaving you here.  I will steal your car if I have to.”             

 

“Look at me.”  Her friend grabbed her by the shoulders and dipped her head down so she could look Julie right in the eyes.  “Lighten the fuck up.  This isn't a pap smear. It’s just a party! You may actually have a good time.”  Julie sucked in a large breath.  A pap smear would be awkward and uncomfortable but not nearly this mortifying.  Here Nikki was looking beautiful and sexy as always, carefree and comfortable and Julie looked like she was going to buy Lean Cuisine and Maxi Pads.  She didn't have sweatpants on, but she had made no effort.  She didn't want anyone getting the wrong idea.  Suddenly her jeans and zip-up hoodie made her feel prickly.

 

Maybe she should have switched out her tennis shoes for some heels, or at least some cute flats.  And maybe instead of her hoodie she should have thrown a cardigan over her shoulders instead.  And maybe she could do with a little lip gloss herself.  Maybe there would be people here she could get to know.  Maybe people that knew her store.  Maybe it wouldn't be that bad.  She was trying to think positively, but negative thoughts quickly approached her mind.  Maybe people here would know her and would think she's some slob with tangled hair and no style. 

 

As they could hear someone’s footsteps on the door, Julie mumbled and prayed, “Maybe we have the wrong house.”  The door opened and a man in his 40s with a beard and a beer belly opened the door.  He was well dressed, but didn’t have on shoes.  He looked vaguely familiar, but Julie couldn't place it.   The Black Keys were blaring from some stereo and there were people everywhere, laughing and talking.  Julie really did hope this was the wrong house!

 

The man said, “Hello ladies.  I’m Calvin. Welcome.”

 

“Hi Calvin, we were invited by John and Justin,” Nik said with a smile.  Julie just sulked after her as they entered the foyer that stepped down into a spacious den with a large entertainment system and a couple couches and chairs—all occupied. 

 

“Oh yes!  The redhead and the writer!”  Julie's shoulders slumped even further.  Great, they probably blabbed to everyone here what she wrote.  They probably all thought she was some sex addict.  Why did she suddenly care so much about what other people thought?  It must have been the day; the day had been sucky from the moment she got out of her bed and stepped on her shoes and almost broke her neck.  Then she had to work with Dave and all Dave wanted to talk about was how amazing Nietzsche was.  She kept telling him it would wear off, but the Junior in Lit Theory wouldn't hear it.   The man in front of them touched his chest and said, “I’m their roommate.  Well, for a little while anyway!  Come on in and enjoy yourselves. I’m sure they are here somewhere.”

 

As Calvin left them alone, Julie tugged on Nik’s shirt and looked up at her saying through her teeth.  “If this is a weird orgy party like in Eyes Wide Shut, I will be the one doing ax murdering tonight.”

 

“Just call it fodder for your stories.”  Nik waved her off.

 

“Hey! You made it!”  Julie looked up to see John put his arm around Nik's neck.  He looked relaxed and happy and comfortable.  Julie now finally got to really look at him and realized he was an incredibly attractive man.  No wonder Nik did nothing but talk about him.  Blonde hair, blue eyes, tanned and muscular.  He was a Ken doll but without the plastic weirdness.  Nik was beaming as he kept his arm around her and motioned to his house with his free arm.  “See…normal house party, no axes, no murders, no creepy twins…”

 

“Didn’t know you had a roommate,” Nik stated.  It was a perfectly normal statement, but the way she said it was pure flirtation.

 

Julie looked around, seeing if there were any familiar faces.  She didn't recognize anyone.  Even though she felt like she may have seen Calvin before.  She was trying to picture him without a beard, but was having a hard time doing so. Everyone looked cool and hip and relaxed that was in the room.  A couple dudes with hipster beards and glasses, a few effortlessly sexy women who looked like they drank from the same water as Nik.  Almost everyone had a beer in their hand and everyone was talking intensely or laughing easily and having the best time.  This was not Julie's crowd.  Julie didn't have a crowd. 

 

“Yeah, I bought the house from him and let him stay for a while before he moves.  Calvin knows everyone.  If you talk to him long enough he may even know you—I’m sure he knows your store.”  Julie saw that John was now looking at her.  She forced a smile back at him.  “He’s moving to Charlotte next Wednesday, so this is like goodbye for him and welcome for us. Justin’s out back grilling burgers. Beer and other booze is in the kitchen.”  He motioned to another part of the house, off the backside of the den.  “Just make yourselves at home!  Want me to show you around?”

 

The question was directed at Nik, and only Nik.  Before she knew it, before she could ask in a childish way 'can I come', Julie was left alone, standing in the foyer like a dumb ass with no one around her, no one looking at her, no one caring.

 

“Don’t mind me, I’ll just stand here by myself like a weirdo.”  She sighed and moved over to a patch of wall where no one was hanging out.  She pulled out her cell phone and thought about texting Blake, but if he really was out on a date, she didn’t want to bother him.  He had been single for a while and had been really interested in this guy, Rob, who was a sculptor.  It sounded incredibly sexy and she hoped that that's who he was on a date with and that it was dreamy and wonderful.  To pass time and force her mind off her current situation, she checked her email—nothing.  Checked social media—nothing worth happening.  Checked the weather—nothing abnormal.  Finally, she decided to play this new app she had downloaded the other day that was exactly like the old Nintendo version of Tetris.  It was her go-to recently when waiting in line at the grocery store.  It was funny to her, she had often got in playful arguments with Blake and Nik about how the world was turning into smart phone junkies and had better relationships with their devices than with people, but in this moment she was so thankful for her little rectangle.

 

She was looking down, had been playing for a few seconds and was about to slide the long thin piece against the side and banish all her little blocks when she could smell that cologne again.  Light and soft.  He had to be close.  She wasn’t going to look up, but tensed when his shoulder pressed into hers and he leaned on the wall exactly beside her.       

 

“And look who it is…”  She glanced up at his smirk.  He was wearing an apron that said “Grill Master” with flames coming out of the words over his plaid green shirt.  He looked absolutely ridiculous with a greasy spatula in one hand and a beer in the other.

 

“Oh hey,” she tried to make herself sound as uninterested as possible.

 

“So, I have even more questions that need answers.”

 

She grumbled. “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

 

“You’re playing Tetris.” 

 

“It’s important.  The Cold War depends on it.”

 

“You need a drink.  How long you been here, you look miserable.”  He took a long sip of his beer and raised an eyebrow at her, the one with the scar, “Missing me?”

 

She let her hand drop heavily, still holding her phone and gave him a bored look.  “I’ve been here about one minute and 30 seconds and yes, I’m miserable and no I do not want a drink because you may try to slip me something.”

 

He bit his lip at her. “You’d like that, huh?”

 

“Ok, gross!”  She pushed him where he was getting a little too close to her.  “That's disgusting!”  She must have said it a little louder than she had planned because a couple people near them gave her a crazy look.  She really was feeling miserable now.

 

“Whoa, psycho much?”

 

“Kind of,” she grumbled and walked away from him to the kitchen, hoping he’d take the hint to leave her alone.  But he didn’t, he just followed her. 

 

“What if you go get us a beer from the fridge and meet me on the deck?  That way if you want to slip me something you can.”  He wiggled his eyebrows at her and bit his bottom lip at her again.

 

She turned on her heels and stared right at him.  Hard.  “You think it’s funny to joke about date rape?” 

 

It was silent.  The only sounds were from the music and the conversations in the other room.  There were three other people in the kitchen at the time, but two of them were clearly a couple, or about to be, and were whispering to each other, leaning into each other against the kitchen counter, and the other person was so wrapped up in texting on their phone they didn't notice anyone else.

 

Finally he said softly, “No, I’m sorry.”  He lifted his arms, still holding on to his items in a surrender mode.  “Just lighten up.”  He finished his beer, and placed it on the counter with a million other empty beer bottles, then opened the fridge to pull another one from it.  The fridge was stocked with beer and a few bottles of wine.  Somehow he managed to produce a platter of raw burger patties from all the bottles stuffed in there. Normally, she would offer to help him since he did have several things balanced in his hands, but she was too pissed off to be nice at this point. 

 

And then he just walked on out of the room without another word.  He was just going to leave it at that?  She needed to make sure he got a piece of her mind so she followed him out the sliding French doors in the kitchen onto a small deck.  No one else was out there but him.  She stared at his back as he opened a grill and checked a thermometer that was on the side of it.  She turned to make the sliding door slam shut, to make her presence known, but it was on some sort of hydraulic system that made it shut softly on its own. 

 

Was he just going to ignore her!? 

 

She couldn't handle it.

 

“And you think that because I write these stories that I’m a pervert or a nympho?  Well, I’m not so get over it!”

 

And just like that he was back interested.

 

“So, then how do you write this stuff?”  He closed the lid back on the grill and plopped down into a camping chair that had been unfolded near the grill.  He tilted his head at her.  He was enjoying this, her attitude and her exasperation.  How could he be enjoying it? It was so annoying! His phone was on the railing of the deck and was playing Al Green.  Al Green?  Really?  Al Green was awesome, but it wouldn’t work on her.  She wasn’t easy, dammit!  You couldn't just play some sexy song and get her pants off. Men were stupid!

 

“Nikki should have never told you that I’m a writer.”  She sighed and walked over to lean against the old wooden railing.   She pressed her elbows into the railing and rubbed her face in her hands, letting out a huge sigh.  “She should have known this would happen.”

 

“What would happen?  That’d I’d be intrigued?  Interested in getting to know you?  Turned on even?”

 

She looked over her shoulder at him and ignored his cute smile and his flirty tone.  “She thinks I need a date or something, so she finds a cute guy and pushes him my way.”

 

“So you do think I’m cute…”  He sat up a little bit in his chair, grinning.

 

“No…”  She waved her hand and saw another folding camping chair leaning in the corner of the deck by the house.  She unfolded it, tilting it over to let some water fall out of it. “You are just like every other guy out there.  You only care about getting off.  You probably didn’t even read the book last night, just skimmed for the sex parts.  It’s like…”  She wiped her hand on the seat to help dry it a little and then plopped down across from him, crossing her legs and her arms.  She was now thankful for her hoodie.  It had chilled off from the heat wave the past week.  “It's like that's all that matters to you.”

 

“Look, you are the one that wrote it.  And it was a good story, I read every word of it last night.  You didn’t have to put the sex scenes in there.”

 

“They aren't se-“ She uncrossed her body and leaned forwarded a little, hushing her tone.  They were alone out there, but she didn’t want the rest of the world hearing their conversation.  “...they are not sex scenes.  They are love scenes, and it’s supposed to be about these two people finally giving into one another after years of heartache.  It’s not about getting off, it was about redemption and renewal!”

 

“Yeah, ok I get that.  I’m not completely a dick head, but you had lines like….” He lifted half of his body and reached behind him to pull the small book out of his back jean pocket. 

 

Julie was shocked at the state of the book.  It looked like a book that had been reread 20 times or more and opened often.  It was completely marked up.  Little post-its were sticking out all over it and it was dog-eared and worn.  It looked like books that people in the coffee shop would sit and poor over while drinking cup after cup of coffee, pencil behind the ear, mouth moving just slightly with words, circling, nodding, underlining, tabbing with post-its.  Professors, students, book worms did this. Not this dude.  And he had only had it for two days!!

 

“Oh my God, what did you do to it!?”

 

He raised his eyes at her and then harrumphed before flipping to a page he had put a large post it in.  He read out loud, softly and she listened, ignoring the way he purposefully groaned out particular words, “He held her and fucked her.  Gripping flesh and pushing in all that was good about them, and pulling out all the bad.  Leaving it there in the room, in the air, panting out all that they needed from each other and all that they had hurt.  She bit at his shoulder and clawed at his spine.  If no one knew better, they'd think that she hated it.  But she loved it.  She needed it.  Craved it.  And when she came against him, squeezing him and exploding into ripples of pleasure—“ He snapped the book closed and stared right at her, blue eyes pouring into her green ones.  “I mean, do I have to go on?”

 

She rolled her eyes as he slid the book back in his back pocket.   Clearly, he had never picked up a romance novel before. “But do you even get that sex is a metaphor?  It’s not about getting off.”

 

“I don’t mean to be mean, but you write porn…”  He stopped when she opened her mouth in protest and put up his hand to stop her from interrupting him. “Or excuse me, erotic fiction.  Isn’t the point to titillate and sell?  Isn’t that what you did yesterday, flirt a little and sell me a book?”

 

“I didn’t flirt!”

 

He didn’t look at her.  He stood up and pulled off the plastic wrap from the burger platter.   He balled it up in his hand and threw it into a small trash can on the deck. “Whatever, but you sold me a $20 dollar paperback book that was only 100 pages!  I’ve read before, I know that’s kind of a rip off.  Shouldn’t cost more than ten, chick!”  He began to move the raw burgers from the platter to the grill with his used spatula.

 

“It was independently published, those are always more expensive. Aren’t you worried about cross contamination?” She was purposefully being critical about everything. 

 

He shrugged. “I ground the meat myself a couple hours ago.  So no, I’m not.  I do this all the time.  You need to chill.”  He pointed the spatula at her.

 

“Where’s the damn alcohol?”  She stood up.  She couldn’t just sit there and talk to him anymore.  It was excruciating.

 

“I’m not trying to make you mad; I’m trying to figure out your brain because it’s fascinating to me.”  He plopped back down in the chair, looking at his watch for a moment, leaving the grill cover open this time.

 

“Fascinating?”  That was a new one.  No one had ever called her that before.  A nerd, yes. Crazy, yes.  A prude, yes.  A tease, all the time.  But never fascinating. She sat back down in her chair.

 

“Yeah!  I mean, you write this stuff, and yeah ok, it’s good writing and it’s got a plot and I’m not an idiot!  I can see beyond the sex that it’s about two people coming to terms with themselves and their relationship, but at the end of the day it’s sexy and it’s fucking hot!  And you teased the shit out of me the other day playing hard to get, and then you come in here all cold and all ‘it’s more than just sex, ya know?'  Well then, my question is why even include it?  Why not go ‘dot dot dot’ like most other books?”

 

She was quiet for a moment.  “Ya wanna know why?”

 

“Yes!  Please! I’m dying here!”  He smiled triumphantly. 

 

Julie didn't know why but she was about to let it all out on this guy.  She didn't know why she had to explain herself, why she was going to open up to him about this, but she was.  Maybe because for the first time in a long time, she had someone in front of her whose opinion mattered.  She didn't want him physically or anything, but she really didn't want him thinking the wrong thing about her.  For some unknown reason, she really wanted this Justin guy to understand her. Maybe it wasn't him; maybe she was just looking for anyone to understand her.  He was just first in line, maybe the only one in line.

 

She chewed on her lip and said quietly, “Cause this is the only thing in life I’ve ever been good at.  You think I haven’t tried publishing books without sex?”  She shook her head and relaxed back into her chair.  “I have for the past twelve years.  I love to write.  It's what I'm passionate about and the one thing I'm good at.   But nothing I've written had ever been picked up by a publisher, or even some silly local thing.  Nothing.  Then, about five years ago, I decided to send out a story to a publisher that I just had fun writing.  I heard you could make ok money in the erotic fiction world.  I was short on cash.  The story was nothing but sex, had very little plot and it got published and it was a success.  A really big success. You ever heard of the Garden of Eden series? It was really popular several years ago?”

 

“Yeah, maybe.”  He was thinking, forehead furrowed, trying to remember.  “Isn't that a movie? I think my girlfriend at the time was obsessed with that.”

 

Julie nodded.  They had made a movie.  It was horrendous and was panned and she was glad that her real name was never associated with it.  But signing over the movie rights let her be financially stable and let her buy the book shop and let her write, really write whatever she wanted without having to hope that a publishing deal would make sure she could have rent the next month.  It got her name out there and other romantic and erotic publishing companies contacted her daily asking her to submit a proposal.  She was want for nothing. 

 

“Based off the novel by J. B. Hann.” 

 

“But, I thought your name was Julie?”  She laughed a little.  He clearly hadn’t even looked at the title page and the author’s name of the book he had read.

 

“Julie Elizabeth Hancock.”

 

He smiled a little, “Pen name, eh?”

 

“And even with that success I can’t get a damn non-erotic book published, so I have to try to make even my erotic books about something more so I don’t feel like a typing whore.”   She actually felt better now.  Maybe he would understand her for more than just a person who wrote sex stories.  Maybe he’d be interested in more than just that aspect of her life.

 

“So you’re rich?”

 

Or he was just shallow.

 

“Nice,” she grumbled.

 

He shrugged.  “Just asking!”

 

“I’m doing well thank you.”

 

“Yeah you are…”  He obviously checked out her figure.  She just glared at him and he laughed, checking his watch before standing up and flipping the burgers on the grill.  “Oh come on, you have to give me something! I’m sorry you feel this way, but you gotta understand why I'm intrigued.  You have gotta be a pretty cool girl to be so ballsy to write something like this!”  He tapped his rear pocket where the book was.

 

That was a compliment she would take.  He was right!  She was brave.  She hid behind a pen name, but she would take it!

 

“I don’t normally tell people I write this stuff, most people just think I own the book store.  Nikki sometimes blabs when she thinks it will sell a book.  Or when she thinks I need a date.  She just doesn’t get it that the one thing I don’t want a guy to be interested in me for is that writing.” She looked up at him and he looked down at her, standing up beside the grill. “Like right now, I’ll admit it—you’re a nice looking guy Justin! You got that whole 'a little bit cocky but totally harmless' thing going on and your kind of the silly guy next door.  A lot of girls love that...”  He was grinning and his face seemed to glow at the compliment.  But, his face fell at her next words.  “But I can’t stand it, cause I know all you can think about is where do I get my sex ideas and if I’m that crazy in real life.   That’s J. B. Hann!  What about Jules?  What about all the other stuff in my life that’s more important than that!  What if you had just come in and said hi and we had hit it off and you didn’t know a thing about my writing and success?  That…”  He looked away from her, frowning.  She frowned as well.  “That would have been nice, we could have been friends.  But it’s too late.”  He kept his back turned towards her and was silent. 

 

She had hurt his feelings, or made him feel horrible, and normally she would have relished in this moment.  She had pushed him away and that was a good thing.  But now, for some reason, she felt bad about it. “Sorry, just…I’m just tired.”

 

“It’s ok.  Sorry to be just a typical guy.”  She saw his shoulders shrug.  He sounded distant and sad.

 

Who was she turning into?  Was she really a mean person? No!  She was silly Jules, dorky and kind!  This wasn't her.  There was a better way to tell him she wasn't going to sleep with him than just being a bitch. She had to apologize. “I shouldn’t be this bitchy to you.  I'm just upset I had a shitty day and it topped off with me reading a review and it’s just pissed me off.”

 

Saying it out loud made her feel better.  Usually she didn't read reviews, only read what the publishers and editors told her.  She didn't even read fan mail.  She just let whatever publisher she was working with handle it.  She already had enough of people's opinions in her regular life; she didn't need it in her writing life.  But the review had been right there this morning in front of her at Java Jones.  Laying there open to the exact page while she sipped her cappuccino.   It was a late review for her newest book—the one Justin had read—but it was in the “Beach Read or Not?” list in the Life and Human Interest section of the paper.  Her book was on the 'not' list and her review was as pathetic as she felt that night.  It had read:  Come on ladies, we love a sizzling tale as much as the next person, but this was more like drizzle than sizzle. Breathless?  You mean Plotless? Hann suddenly had a conscience thinks we need a lesson with our sexy page turners. Skip it this summer!

 

“That sucks.” He turned back to face her and she was grateful because he seemed to have taken her apology, accepted it and moved on quickly, not wanting to linger on this any longer than she did.  “Yeah, I’m kind of down myself.  I didn’t get this job that I was trying to get.”

 

Perfect.  This was the golden opportunity for her to find out more about this guy, find out if there was more to him than what he had first given her.  She knew there was; she could see it in his face that he had a lot going on in his mind and this was the perfect opportunity to find out about it.  He seemed like he could be an interesting character to get some traits out of for one of her stories; she had even brought her little idea book in case something sparked her interest so she could write it down for later.  “How about this—let’s not talk about me and my stupid sex stories!  Let’s talk about you getting a job.”

 

He nodded and smiled.  “I’m telling you they aren’t stupid, they are hot and I might be buying the whole damn Eden series on Amazon tonight.  I used to make fun of Becky so much for reading them.  I was an idiot.”

 

He wasn’t taking the bait!  She was going to have to be explicit to him about what she wanted from him.  “Again, let’s not talk about my writing.  Can we try?  You are the only person I know here besides Nik and I don’t make friends easily.  Let’s talk about you and your brother.  So what are you guys doing here?”

 

“Well…”  Justin sighed.  He almost seemed a little annoyed or reluctant to open up, to answer her question.  His speech started out slow and calculated, but quickly he sped up and seemed to ramble.  “John, he got this job out here and I just finished up school so I figured I’d come here with him and get a job, too and we could be roommates and save up some money.   We could have stayed back home, John had a decent job there, but with Dad just passing it was kind of a good time for us to start over somewhere new.”

 

Suddenly and simultaneously, Julie felt intrigued, sympathetic, petty and a little nauseous.  Her ears rang. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”

 

“It’s ok, girl,” he drawled and passed her a sad smile.  “He was really sick.”

 

“How long ago did this happen?”  She was hoping he’d say last year or something. 

 

“Two months tomorrow.”

 

She slumped her shoulders and immediately felt like a bitch.  Sure, she had a right to be mad at him for only being interested in her for one thing, but she could have been gentler about it.  She knew from the moment she saw him that there was more going on with him than just desire.   Now she knew.  It was grief.

 

“God, and here I am bitching about my writing.”

 

“That’s a big thing.”  The way he said it was genuine and honest and confident.  It made her realize that whatever was going on with this guy, and despite his obsessive intrigue with her writing, he may just be a little something special.  To be able to see other people’s dramas and problems and acknowledge them and think them credible, even when your own world was crumbling down was an honorable thing.  She looked around for a moment and in that instant she suddenly got it.  She suddenly understood him.

 

He was out here grilling burgers for everyone, alone.  He had moved here with his brother with no job security.  He had to be very self-less.  Selflessness was probably the trait Julie found most interesting, most admirable and most cherished about someone.  The only other person she knew that was truly that way was her Dad.

 

“Yeah, but it’s not family!  I wouldn’t know what I would do.  God Justin, I would not know what to do if I lost my Dad.  They'd have to put me in the loony bin.”

 

He grinned and tapped the book in his pocket.  “Does he know you write this?”

 

“No!”  Julie laughed.  “And I would pass out and die of a heart attack if he did.  So you guys moved here just to get away?”

 

“Well no, I don't know…it’s kind of a long story, I mean not really.”  He rambled again and decided to sit down in the chair. Julie was so enthralled.   The way he spoke, his tone of voice, the way he sometimes moved his hands when he talked.  Fascinating?  Her?  No, he should look at himself sometime. “Mom left when we were little and we see her every now and then but she’s got another family out in California.  Don’t get me wrong, she’s our mom, we love her but she was just really young when she had us and I don’t know.  Dad raised us so…”  Suddenly he shook his head and chuckled to himself.  “Anyway, sorry I tend to revert to the long version.  Bad habit.  Since mom's not really in the picture and we don't have any other family, we didn't really have a reason to stay back home.  Dad died and he left everything to us.  I mean, it kind of sucks because he worked so hard his whole life and gave us so much but all the medical shit is so expensive.  We got a lot, ya know, the house and the cars and some inheritance, but it’s just amazing what having cancer can do to your finances.  I honestly don't know why I'm talking about this. Or how we got on this subject.  I'm sorry.”

 

It was intense and he had completely rambled himself into a hole, but she felt her breath caught in her throat.  She couldn't imagine what all he had to go through.  Two months?  This was still fresh, this was still painful for him, and here he was trying to get in her pants?  He was probably just trying to forget for a moment.  “God almighty Justin…”

 

“It’s alright.”  He sucked in a deep breath and shrugged.  “So anyway, I used mine to pretty much pay off all my student loans and that didn't leave much else.  John was able to put a great down payment on this house because he loved it and is going to split the sale of the house back home with me.  He's an architect and loves big old houses like this.  But he wants to gut it and redo.  So I told him I’d move with him and help him redo the house, ‘cause I can be handy when I want to be and that I’d just find a job somewhere.  John's job here will allow him to move up more in his career and I guess I just wanted a new place, like you said.”  His eyes were watery, and when he stood up suddenly and started messing with the burgers on the grill, Julie knew he needed a new thing to talk about.

 

But the idea of his Dad just passing was hard to get off her mind.  She kept thinking about what it would be like, to bury your father at this age.  It happened all the time to people, sure, but it wasn't something she had ever really thought about.  She couldn't keep this up.  It had been too quiet for too long.  What else had he said?  What else could they talk about?  She rewound the conversation in her brain and looked for a nugget to pull out that wouldn't be about his Dad.  Student loans, he had said.  There, she'd ask him about that! “What did you get your degree in?”

 

“Business Management.  I’m such a boring person.”  He laughed and she was thankful for the smile that was back on his face when he turned and leaned a little on the grill, holding onto the spatula.  “Really Julie, so like, when I was 18 I was an idiot and did the whole go abroad thing, backpacked around Europe, smoked a lot of pot and wasted money, and when I came back Dad said I could either get a job or go to school.  I hated school so I worked at a Wendy’s. Became manager of a store.  But let me tell you something, smelling like fries and frosties for five years sucks.  I then went and was a bar tender for a while and really liked that, and was pretty good at it and made good money.  But then I finally was tired of working for other people and said, ‘hey, I’m going to go to college, dream big, get a business degree and open up my own business’.”

 

“What kind?”

 

“I didn’t care.  A hardware store, a smoothie shop, a sexy book store…”  He laughed and winked at her.    “So I took out some loans for tuition, kept bar tending for living cash, sometimes dad would help—he was just so glad I was going to school—‘cause ya know John by this point was in his architecture internship and was doing awesome and was the golden boy.  I was always the moron of the family.”  He laughed but there was sadness in his tone.  He was staring at the floor of the deck now.  “My final year dad got sick, so I took off a semester to help take care of him.  He wasn’t going to ask us and I didn’t want John to have to halt his career.  So I just kind of volunteered.”

 

She was right.  He was selfless.  Completely.  “That’s really awesome of you.”

 

“It’s my dad, of course I would do that, ya know?  Anyway, when we found out it was terminal, he told me to stop playing nurse and finish, that he wanted to see me graduate before he died.  So I did it, I busted my tail and finished in December.”

 

“Did he get to?”

 

“Yeah, yeah he did.  I mean he was too sick to come to the graduation but John taped it for him, mom even came out so that was nice.  Even though, I'm pretty sure it was her goodbye visit and didn't have a thing to do with me graduating.  But I hung my degree for him in his room to look at.  I don’t know why it meant so much to him… but it did.”

 

“He sounds like a pretty amazing person.”

 

“Yeah, yeah he was.”  It was heavy, really heavy.  The air was thick with emotion.   He was breathing hard and Julie dared not look at his face in case he really was crying.  Where the hell had this conversation lead to?

 

“Well…”  She cleared her throat and tried to clear the air with it.  “If I had known me getting mad about my sex stories would lead to you now being upset about your Dad, I would have just not gotten mad and tried to be pleasant and normal.”

 

She meant it as a joke, but he responded very seriously.  “I’m glad you did.  I don’t get to talk about it much.  John won’t talk about it—hasn't talked about it.  He’s going to flip one day and it won’t be pretty.  I guess me having to take care of Dad like, I’ve already made peace with it—I had to.  So it’s nice to be able to ramble about it and not have to worry about anyone else's emotional state.  Though, I am sorry.  This is probably not your idea of a fun night.”  He smiled at her.

 

“Surprisingly it is.  Being a writer I feed off other people’s life stories.”

 

“Mine’s kind of boring.”  He shrugged and began to move the burgers off of the grill and back onto the platter.  She didn't mention cross contamination this time.

 

“It’s fascinating,” she said softly.

 

If he heard her, he chose not to acknowledge her comment.  “Wanna burger?  Got fixin's in the kitchen.”

 

“Nah, I ate with the grannies at 4:30 this afternoon.  I get hungry quickly.”

 

“Yeah, I ate a burger off the first batch.  This is the second.  Hey John!”  Julie looked up and saw John talking with someone in the kitchen.  Nik's back was to her, still right beside John.  “Take these in, will you?”  He yelled through the glass door at his brother.

 

A thought came to Julie that she needed to help this guy.  She was over the whole porn writing fascination and was on to helping him get settled here.  The normal Julie was back, the dork that helped people and was kind.  She needed to reappear for both their emotional states.

 

“Hey...”  She stood up and looked up at him.  He just eyed her, she was close now.  “I know a couple other business owners around town—we’ve got a little local shop association.  I’ll put in a word and see if anyone is looking for a manager.  I know you want to own your own, but you can’t go back to Wendy’s.”

 

“That’d mean a lot.  Even though you don’t know anything about me.”  He mocked her tone and she laughed with him.

 

“You managed a Wendy’s for five years, that means something!”

 

“For three years, the other two I was a line cook, then a sales associate, then a shift leader, then a team leader, then a night manger, then a day manager, then I became a general manager.”

 

She smiled wide.  “The American Dream.  Here, hand me your book…”  She put her palm out and he placed it cautiously on her hand.  She immediately was enthralled with all the pieces of paper and little illegible pencil notes on everything.  “Dang, you studied this like it was on a test….”

 

“It’s really good.  Ya know, for porn!”

 

“Ass...” She smacked his chest with the book and pulled a pen from her own back pocket where her small idea book was hidden.  She scribbled her email address under where she had hastily signed his copy of the book.  “That’s my email.  Send me your resume and I’ll see if I can get you a job.  You can always come work for me.  I have the hardest time getting anyone to work weekends.  Besides Nikki, I have two college kids and they like to have their weekends, too.  So, you'd maybe get in about eight hours a week and I could probably pay you like nine bucks an hour, since you have retail-ish experience.  Sounds great, huh?!”  She laughed sarcastically at him.

“Thanks, but uh, that sounds horrible.  Especially if I’d be by myself!” She was only half listening to him.  She was flipping through the book. “What are you looking at?”

 

“You actually wrote notes?”

 

The book was snatched from her hands.  “This is my property, thank you.  And I thought maybe you were into me and just doing that hard to get thing.  I thought maybe we could have a little discussion about some of these things.  You did write ‘the game has just begun’ when you signed it.  I thought it would be fun to play the game, reenact some stuff…”  Her eyes widened and he leaned down.  He was close again and he was smiling.  “But I was clearly misled.”

 

As soon as he said it, Julie felt warm.  It happened whenever a good idea came her way.  She plucked her little book from her back pocket and furiously started scribbling a few words and notes.

 

“What are you writing?”

 

She didn't stop writing.  “That’s a good idea: reenacting.”  She glanced up at him and smiled devilishly. “Mind if I steal it?”

 

His eyes widened and he asked in a hushed tone, “Are you going to write a story about that?”

 

She shrugged and snapped her book closed and slipped it back in her pocket. “We’ll see.”

 

“Well, then I should get proceeds or a first edition or something.”

 

She almost opened her mouth to say something in reply but John and Nik stumbled out onto the deck.  Justin exclaimed, “'Bout time, they are probably cold now!” and Nik walked over to Julie and hugged her tightly, putting a lot of weight into her as she kept her arm around her much shorter friend.

 

“Soooo….”  Nik said.

 

Julie replied to her, “Soooo, you’ve been doing shots.”

 

Nik gasped with a smile. “How do you know?”                  

 

She laughed at her friend and shook her head.  “It’s the only way you could be this tipsy in this short of time.  You having fun?”

 

Nik hissed out eagerly, “Yesss!  Are you?”

 

“It’s not bad.”

 

“Ya know it’s 9:30,” Nik dangled her keys at Julie.  Julie quickly snatched them so she wouldn't have to pry them from her drunk friend's fingers later.  “You still want to steal my car?  I could probably get a ride.”

 

“9:30?  You’re leaving?”  Nik and Julie both looked up.  Justin was standing there.  His apron was now off and he just had his beer in his hand.  John was back inside with the burgers.

 

“Yeah, she didn’t want to come, so she was just going to make an appearance and leave soon.”  For all Nik's pushing to make Julie come here, Julie was actually proud of her friend for giving her an out if she needed it.  But she didn't need it.

 

“No, you may need a ride.  So, I’ll stay.”

 

Nik's eyes traveled from Julie's face to Justin's who was now checking his phone.  Al Green had gone off long ago, but Julie kind of wished there was some music or something because it was awkwardly quiet for a moment.  

 

“Ohh ho ho!”  Nik grinned at Julie and said, “So you’re taking my advice, I like it.”

 

“What advice?” Justin asked.

 

“To stay here and get to know a friend, maybe get friend time later with him.”  Julie's eyes met Justin's and she quickly grabbed her friend's hands and laughed.

 

“Stop drunkard. Tell me about your night. Have you met people?”

 

Nik's eyes gleamed and she shouted.  “YES! So Calvin, that guy!  He apparently bartends at Jake’s.”

 

Julie nodded.  “Oh yeah, I thought he looked familiar.”

 

“He also knows Blake, like knows Blake.”  Nik's eyes widened as she mumbled the last part.   That means Blake has dated him and Nik probably knows dirt on the guy.

 

“Ohhhh, I’ll have to text him now.”  Julie pulled out her phone.

 

“Who’s Blake?” Justin asked.

 

“Her boyfriend,” Nik laughed and rolled her eyes.

 

Justin eyes caught Julie's gaze again and he said it slowly, “You told me you were single.”

 

Julie shrugged.  “He’s my pretend boyfriend, her brother.  Nik says he'd be my boyfriend if he happened to like girls, but he doesn’t, so it's my loss.”

 

“Whew, got me worried….”  Justin passed her a half grin and went back to his phone.

 

Julie decided not to bother Blake with the news and just call him and tell him later so she could get details about Calvin and about his current date.  “Worried about what?”

 

“You not being single…”

 

Nik was suddenly pulling on Justin's arm, leaning into him and smiling and whining.  “Please date her! She needs a boyfriend so bad and really needs to get laid if you know what I mean…”

 

That was it.  Julie grabbed Nik's arm and pulled her away, back into the house.  “Oh kay, drunkard!  Let’s go find you a glass of water.”

 

“We got bottles in the fridge,” Justin called to them.  Julie dared not look back.

 

“Please keep your drunkies to yourself,” she mumbled to her friend.

 

“You look like you are having a good time.”  Nik kept her arm around Julie's shoulders and pushed her cheek against her friends in some weird drunken affection.

 

“It’s been interesting, that's for sure!”  Julie pulled her through the kitchen where some people were making and eating burgers.  John and Calvin were at the kitchen table talking to some other people.

 

“Did you yell at him or get all high and mighty?”

 

“No, I mean…maybe…”  Julie opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water and held it in her hand.  She looked around a little and then said in a hushed tone, “but did you know their Dad just died?”

 

“What?”  Nik's eyes widened.

 

“Yeah.  Don’t say anything to John. From what I gather it’s really fresh.”  The excitement that had been in Nik's eyes the past few minutes was gone. She looked worried and pulled at her lip nervously. 

 

In an effort to forget the news she just heard she sucked in a deep breath and smiled again at her friend. “So, speaking of…”

 

Julie tilted her head, eyes squinted.  “Did you hook up with him already?”

 

“No, but there have been kisses.”  Nik pressed her lips shut tight so she wouldn't giggle.

 

“He got you drunk.  Typical.”

 

Nik scoffed and put a hand on her hip. “I got myself drunk and he’s fine and I might be a slut tonight.  Mother, don’t worry, I have condoms and I’ll tell you all about it so you can use it for inspiration.”

 

Julie passed her a bored look. “So you don’t need a ride home?”

 

“Probably not.  I'll just get the car from you tomorrow.”  Nik was looking over the other side of the kitchen now, biting her lip some more as she watched John walk over to them. 

 

“Be careful.  And drink all of this please before you have any more alcohol.”  Julie forced the bottle in Nik's hand just as John walked over to them, easily slipping his arm around Nik's waist and pulling her into his side.

 

“She’s such a mom!  Watch out or she’ll give you the ‘don’t hurt her’ speech.”

 

“I’m staying out of it,” he laughed.  Julie dipped back into the fridge to get herself a beer.

 

“Is that a beer?”  Nik exclaimed in amazement before hugging her friend. “You’re having drinks!  YAY!  You’re having fun!!!”

 

“See what I have to put up with?”  Julie looked at John over her friend's shoulder.

 

“Shut up, you'd be miserable without me!”

 

John smiled back at Nik and bit his lip at her, staring right into her face.  Julie stopped looking at them.  Both of their oral fixations were getting out of hand. 

 

“Wanna see the how the layout will be?”  Nik nodded and Julie smelled the cologne again and looked to her left where Justin was opening up a beer beside her. He opened hers as well and smiled when his brother winked at him.  Julie notice and called him out on it.

 

“What's that?’

 

“What?”  He took a long swallow from his bottle.

 

“That wink and look?”

 

He set the beer on the counter.  “He’s going to show her the designs for the remodel of the house.  And they’re in his bed room.”  He began to smile at her.

 

After leaving Julie standing alone, messing with her phone in the mudroom, Justin opened one of the kitchen cabinets, found his handle of Jim Beam and slammed the cabinet door, not looking when other people went silent and stared at him.  He then shuffled out of the kitchen, ignoring all of their concerned faces.  He stomped up the stairs to go to his room.  People were still there, still hanging out, probably would be for a while.  He knew he needed to be sociable, but this wasn't his party.  This was John's, and he couldn't fill in for his brother just because he was fucking some hot red head right now.

 

When he got to his bedroom he slammed the door and leaned against it.  It was all a fucking nightmare.  Every part of it.  He had read her totally wrong.  She was completely repulsed by him and he had blown any chance with her. The bad thing was, he was starting to see that she was right.  Dammit, she was right! He had become obsessive over this one aspect about her and had forgotten the rest.  All night, all damn night, she was inviting him to get to know the rest and he just couldn't let it go.  He was too horny, too lonely, too sad and too pathetic.  He wasn’t even able to keep it together for one night.

 

Finally, someone who just listened to him, someone who just let him ramble about whatever and he blew it.  It didn't matter that she was a woman, or that she was sexy and small and funny.  No, none of that mattered because for a few minutes out there on the deck, she was his friend.  John was always a brother and could never just listen like a friend, and Bill, well Bill had a kid and even though he was Justin’s best friend, lately he couldn't always be there—which was understandable with a five month old.  Plus, Bill's life was together.  He was married, had a job and a kid.  He didn't have time to deal with Justin’s bull shit.  At least, Justin didn’t want him to take time away from his life to deal with it.  He had asked too much of him already the past few months. 

 

Justin shuffled over to his bed.  He threw his clothes off after setting his phone on the nightstand with his bottle of Beam.  In his bathroom, he found a small plastic cup and poured himself a heavy hand of bourbon.  He stretched his tall frame on his comforter and took a long sip from his cup.  He shouldn't be getting drunk right now.  This wasn't the answer, he knew it.  In fact, his dad had strictly forbidden this.

 

Now don't get all mopey when I'm gone, Jay. No sitting alone drinking, you hear me?  By all means drink, son, but just do it with people. And give me a toast now and then.  And don't start smoking pot again!

 

His dad had laughed while he had said it.  He could still hear that laugh in his head.  Echoing over and over.  He had preached to him this lesson last Christmas, drinking a bottle of Blanton’s single barrel reserve that his Dad had saved.  It would be the last time his dad could enjoy it.  The pain medications were going to begin increasing after the New Year, after they went in to remove part of his intestine.  It was the last time his Dad really got to enjoy himself, sitting there by the fire, watching some Spaghetti Western and getting silly drunk with his father.  John was there, too.  It was nice.  Really nice.

 

And now, everything was such a disaster.  And the worst part was, earlier she was going to help him get a job.  And a job, more than anything, would help occupy his mind, give him something healthier to obsess over than sex.  He pulled his phone over to him and with one hand holding his cup and the other hand on his phone, he texted his friend, Bill:  Call me sometime if you get the chance. My life is horrid and I’m a moron and need advice.

 

He threw the phone on the other side of the bed and sighed.  He was going to have to drink a lot more if sleep was going to come.  But as he sat there and sipped the brown liquid, he couldn't help all these thoughts racing back into his mind.  Why were they coming back now?  Why were all these memories choking him now?  Closing in on him and pushing him down into the bed.  He'd close his eyes and he could still hear the words the night before it happened:

 

Please don't mourn me too long, Jay.  Please.  I'm not saying it's not ok to miss me, but I want you to know something.  I feel like my entire life I've known you.  You're my son, of course I've known you.  But since this thing has happened to me, since you've been with me, I understand you.   And you, hey...

 

He sucked in a ragged breath.  He remembered not being able to look in his father's eyes in that moment.  Why couldn't he look into his Dad's eyes?  His father forced him, grabbing his hand and squeezing it hard.  Justin's hand grasped at nothing now, squeezing only air until his hand was a tight fist, knuckles colorless.

 

You, Jay.  You are my favorite thing in this world.  You are the best person I have ever known.  So don't pity me or worry, because without this thing killing me, I may have never realized that.  And that’s worth all of this.

 

He had choked a little after he had said it and the hospice nurses increased the pain meds in his IV and slowly, the next day, right before seven in the evening, he exhaled for the last time.  Justin remembered that exhale, slow and soft and long.  He could vividly remember sitting there, staring into those eyes, finally able to, and they just stared back—blue mirrors of his own, unblinking, lifeless.  The nurse had asked him if they wanted to be alone and he had quietly said no.

 

He wasn't alone.  He'd always have his dad there.  In that moment, he truly felt that.  He was somehow at peace with it all.  Aunt Elise was there, too.  She had flown in two days before from Chicago.  It was the only family there.  John couldn't handle it, pacing the hallway outside the bedroom.  Aunt E had just sat there beside him, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly and she had cried. He didn't cry, though.  Instead, he got up and went to the hallway outside his dad's bedroom.  John looked at him, it was all he had to do, and then sunk to the floor, sobbing.  Justin just stepped over him and walked through the hallway to the den and outside.  He sat on the front stoop and watched the sunset.  It had been 27 degrees outside and he hadn't felt a thing.  But he felt it now.

 

He slung an arm over his eyes at the memory and let out a quiet sob.  He wasn't lonely then, he was peaceful.  He felt his dad still with him.  But not now, now he was alone, utterly and hopelessly alone.  Where was his dad now?  An angel, a ghost, a rotting corpse in the ground?  Whatever he was now, he wasn’t there.  He'd sometimes dream that his dad was there, that he was still alive and then he'd wake up and it wouldn't be true.  He knew this was going to be hard, he had known it was going to be so hard from the moment his dad told them what was going to happen.  But why today, why now?  Why was this all coming back on him now?  Why was this part the hardest?  And what had she done to him to make all this crash down on him tonight?

 

Justin couldn’t feel him there anymore and he needed him right now.  His dad would know just what to do with Julie.  He could figure people out so quickly, just like her in a way.  He shook his head thinking back about how she quickly was able to spout back to him everything about himself. All that stuff about feeling lesser than his brother, and not knowing what he wanted to do, and being lost.  He hadn't said any of that out loud, but she figured it out, figured him out.  She had studied him back there on that deck. 

 

His phone started vibrating on the bed and when Justin saw the caller ID, he exhaled in relief and inhaled again for confidence.  He brought the phone to his ear, “Hey, I figured you'd be asleep.”

 

“Nah, the baby has an ear infection and poor Blair has been up with him the past two nights.  I let her sleep.  How's Waterworld?”'

 

“Walterville,” he corrected.

 

“Whatever the place is called.  I still can't believe you just up and went with John.”

 

“What else was I supposed to do?”

 

“Come be my nanny!”  Justin took another sip from his cup and set it on the nightstand.  He stood up and pulled the covers off his bed. 

 

“Douche!”  At least he was grinning now.

 

“Blair would love it.”

 

“I'm sure she would.”

 

“So, what's up?  Your text sounded....”  He could hear Bill sigh heavily over the phone.  “Well, like you've been sitting in dark rooms staring at the ceiling.”  It was amazing how well his friend knew him.

 

“I met this girl.”  Justin eased back under the covers and immediately felt like a dummy when he said it.

 

“Really?”

 

He stared at the ceiling some more, he could picture her there on his ceiling, smiling, laughing.  But then the scowl came to her face and he grumbled, “And she hates me.”

 

“Sounds promising.”  Bill was laughing at him.

 

“She's so intriguing and the bad thing is, I seemed to be getting somewhere tonight and she told me she may be able to help me find a job!  And then what do I do?  I pissed her off. Way off.  So, I was calling for advice.”

 

“Ok?”

 

“I have her email and before I pissed her off, she told me to email her my resume and she'd give it to her contacts.  So, my question is:  now that I've pissed her off, should I still send my resume to her?”

 

“Depends.  Is she popular and did you piss her off enough to make her ruin your reputation around town?”

 

“Shit...”  Justin ran his free hand through his short hair, pulling at it.

 

“I'm kidding.  You're an adult.  This isn't high school.  How did you piss her off?”

 

He shrugged and shook his head.  Now it all seemed kind of silly, she was just a girl, just had an intriguing gift that he couldn’t let go.  Why couldn’t he let it go?  “I don't know.  She thinks all I want from her is sex.”

 

“Well?”

 

“Of course I do, she's hot and I haven't had sex since like, shit, last June.”  Suddenly she was right there in his mind again.  She was right there in front of him, on the deck again, smiling at him, laughing with him.  Her eyes were sparkling and her lips were full and pink.  He groaned.  “God, Bill she's like exactly my type.”

 

“Short and curvy?”

 

“Yes! And these green eyes...”

 

Bill chuckled, clearly amused by Justin's tone.  “Ok, Romeo!”

 

“But I want to get to know her!  It's more than just lusting after her.”  Justin sighed, he felt like such a dumbass.  “I just had a horrible way of making her see that.”

 

“Then send your resume.  If she hates you?  Oh well.  You've only been in that town for ten days.   If she doesn't hate you, then maybe try a different approach.”

 

“Such as?”

 

“Don't try to get in her pants!  Try to get to know her, try to be her friend.”

 

It seemed like a good idea, but there was one snag.  He still wanted her.  He wanted that slender waist and that ass that was full and round and squeezable.  He wanted to kiss her and touch her and, frankly, he wanted to make her come so hard.  The curiosity about her and about her sexual appetite was gone.  She was cold and closed off.  She wasn't some vixen or a dominatrix.  Maybe she was a virgin, but he doubted that.  Whatever she was, she wasn't going to just give in to him.

 

But still, he wanted to make her give in.  And he wanted to make her feel better than she ever had.  “But I don't want to just be her friend...”

 

“Blair and I were buddies for four years before we hooked up!  So, just take that for what it's worth.”

 

“But you guys were idiots.  You didn't realize you were perfect for each other.  I know I like this girl.”

 

“I don't know, man!”  Justin could hear little Brian getting upset, that high pitched whine that only babies have when they are about to start whaling.  “Just try to be her friend and get to know her.  Let her come on to you when she's ready.”

 

“I need to let you go...”

 

“He's just fussy.  Probably dropped a deuce.”

 

Justin laughed.  “I'll let you take care of it.  Give Blair my best and give the terd monster a kiss for me.”

 

“Will do.  I'll send you some dates you should come up.  Considering you're unemployed I figured you can't say no.”

 

“Well....”  It would be nice to see them.  To be around Bill and Blair and the little man would be comforting.  They'd let him do whatever and would make him feel at home and at ease.  Justin just didn't know if he was quite ready to go back home:  to see the house, the grave, the places that they used to go together.

 

“And that whole ‘I'm grieving my dad’ bull shit won't work on me either,” Bill said quickly into the phone.

 

“Yeah, yeah.”

 

“See ya, man.  Good luck.”

 

Justin ended the phone call and reached over to set his phone on the nightstand and turn off the light.  Maybe now, after talking to Bill and having a plan, he could relax.  He wasn't thinking about his dad any more, he was thinking about a job and Julie and the freckles just barely there on her nose and cheeks, and the way her green eyes, even when she was furious with him, seemed interested in something. 

 

His eyes when they were closed could only see her, so he kept them open in the dark.  He could still hear people and music downstairs and wondered how long everyone would be there.  He now felt kind of like an ass for grabbing his whiskey and bolting.  That wasn’t very host-like and wasn’t going to make him any friends in this new place.  People probably thought he was weird and Calvin was probably telling everyone in a hushed voice, “Well you know his dad just died.”  That was the worst, knowing everyone was thinking it, everyone was tip toeing around it.

 

Julie didn’t.  She listened and she wasn’t afraid to talk about it with him.

 

He forced the covers back off him and shuffled over to a small desk in the corner.  He pulled out the chair and plopped down.  He really did hate being someone's roommate, like he was a kid or something.  Before his dad got sick and he moved back home, he had lived with Becky in an apartment.  But they shared every space.   This room felt crowded. No pictures, just a bed, a nightstand, a dresser and a desk.  It was the same furniture from back home.  Maybe because it was his furniture from high school, maybe that’s why he felt weird in it.  Maybe he needed to buy some new stuff.

 

Maybe he'd look for his own place one day, if he got a job.

           

He opened his laptop and squinted for a moment while his eyes adjusted to the glare.  He opened his email and clicked on the icon for a new one.  He looked down at his fingers and chewed on his lip as he started typing.

 

Julie,

 

I'm an asshole.  I just really like you and I'm sorry that I let my desire for you take over.  You were right.  I should have gotten to know you better.  It doesn't change the fact that you completely fascinate me.  And I do want to know more.  I really do.  Maybe tomorrow I can apologize in person?  Would you be up for a drink with me?  I promise you that I will not come on to you or ask you about your writing or your sex life.  I wa

 

He sighed and held down the backspace button to watch all of his words disappear.  Being honest wasn't the way to go.  Pouring his heart out to her wasn't going to help.  He leaned in his chair to the side, tipping it dangerously and slid the book that was lying on his dresser closer to him.  He opened it up and held it open with one hand while he entered in the email address she had written for him with his other hand.  He stared at the blank email body for a while, not knowing what to say.  He thought about calling Bill back, but he didn’t want to be too annoying.  He was a man, he could do this.  But how was he going to make her see that he was worth taking a chance on?

 

Maybe he wasn’t.   Maybe someone was trying to tell him something.  Maybe this girl was bad news.  Maybe he was just depressed, grieving, something.  Maybe he was just jealous of how his brother easily got a girl.

 

Maybe it was time to move on.

 

 

After a sleepless night that was mostly blamed on the Junior Bacon Cheeseburger, Value Fries and Frosty she ended up getting after the party (and only slightly blamed on her increasing guilt for her behavior), Julie decided that the only way to fix her blues was to go into to work.  Whether she wrote, did a window display, read a book, or shuffled different items to different parts of her desk, she had to do something other than just lay there in her bed and stare at the ceiling.

 

So with a quick shower and a piece of toast, she dressed and drove the five miles to work.  She went into Java Jones, got her tea and then walked the few steps over to her store.  It was 9:50 and she expected to see Dave with his bicycle waiting outside her store with the largest cup of coffee ever to be seen, ear buds in, head bopping to whatever hipster music he was into now.  He wasn't there.  Instead a lanky red head was leaning against the door yawning, wearing her same clothes from last night.

 

“What are you doing here?”  Julie asked, unlocking the door for them.

 

“Dave called about an hour ago and said he was too hung over to—“ Nik laughed and covered her mouth.  “Oops!  I meant that he was sick, so he asked if I would take his shift.  I said ok since he took mine yesterday.”

 

“Oh right.  Crap.”  Julie just remembered that she had driven Nik's car home that night.  It's why Nik was just standing there instead of already in the store, since she had a set of store keys.  Julie had completely forgotten that Nik’s Civic was parked on the street in front of her house.  Where was her mind this morning?  Nik must have gotten a ride here from someone.  She hoped that Justin guy wasn't lurking.  It was too early to have to face him and apologize.  Even though she knew what she had said was right, she felt like such a moron for being so mean about it.  When he finally was forced to say, ‘well then tell me about you’ she shouldn't have just shut him off.  It was rude and it wasn't like her.  “Well, I totally forgot about your car.  I was in a fog and totally forgot you would be here.”

 

“Julie...”  Nik laughed.  “You didn't know!  Remember?  I'm covering for Dave.” Julie just rubbed her forehead.  Geez, she was a mess.

 

“Did you have fun last night?”  Julie asked, slinging back the green curtain to retrieve the books that came in late yesterday from where they were set beside the back loading door.  She wanted to inventory them and get them out quickly.

 

“Maybe I should be asking you that.” All Julie had to do was glare and Nik laughed and put up her hands.   “Ok, ok.  Yes, I did.  Though, I do apologize for smelling like a man today.”  Julie's eyes widened.  Nik laughed harder in response to Julie's facial expression.  “I took a shower over there so I smell like man soap!  John dropped me off here a while ago. ”

 

Julie just nodded slowly and carried a heavy box over to the counter.  She must have had a scowl on her face, or the lack of enthusiasm ticked something in Nik.  Nik asked, “Julie, what’s wrong?  Did you not have fun?  You seemed to be when I was there.”

 

Julie sighed and ignored the concern in her friend’s voice.  “I’m just in the zone.  I need to get these new hardbacks out since beach season starts soon and people may come in to buy them.”

 

“We’re always dead on Saturdays.”

 

Nik was prying.  She was doing it in her little coy way of not coming right out and asking it, but Julie knew in her friend’s mind that Nik was doing the math and trying to get to the bottom of Julie's distant mood.  So Julie had to counter it.  She pushed the spotlight off of her. 

 

“So are you going out with John again?”

 

“Yes.”  Nik grinned.  “We’re going to Sticky-Ickies tonight”

 

“Nice…”  Julie laughed.  It was the worst bar.  One of those places where you could play games and horny single people got all up on each other.  Julie hated it.  It was like a fun park but instead of for kids it was for adults.  Condoms instead of balloons and cleavage instead of light up sneakers.  Stupid and nasty.

 

“Hey!  Not everyone is totally opposed to game bars like you.”

 

“I was there once and maybe contracted an STD by walking in the place.”

 

“Julie!  Stop being in a mood.”

 

“Sorry.”  Julie mumbled and used the box cutter to open the box and pulled out the invoice to check it over.  It was quiet, and she could feel Nik's eyes on her.

 

“So your boyfriend is cute in the mornings.”

 

Julie only moved her eyes for a moment.  Nik was beaming, holding onto the counter and leaning down in some stretch. 

 

“Uh, what?”

 

“He’s cute in his little jammies.”  Nik stood back up and bit her lip.  She then hopped up on the counter, she knew how much Julie hated that.  She was doing it on purpose.  “He made us all breakfast.”

 

“All?”

 

“Yeah, everyone left over.”

 

Julie tried to seem as if she was only half paying attention, as she counted off books and pulled them from the box.  But for some strange reason, she was interested in what happened there after she left last night.  “So a lot of people stayed over?”

 

“It was going away party on a Friday night with a bunch of single 20 and 30 somethings!  This is what happens!  You would know if you had stayed.”

 

“What did he make you for breakfast?”

 

“I KNEW IT!”  Nik shouted and hopped off the counter, laughing and doing a little dance.

 

Julie blinked. “What?”

 

“You like him,” Nik sung out at her and pointed.

           

That was the weirdest and most untrue statement of the century.  She didn’t LIKE him.  She didn't like anyone.  Was she interested in him as a character study?  Yes.  Did she feel bad for being mean? Yes, mostly.  Was she hoping for some sort of reunion where they could get to know each other better?  She hadn't made up her mind on that one, yet.  She had, however, sent out an email to everyone in her local business association last night asking if anyone had managerial openings.  But Nik was way off base with this whole “liking” business. 

           

“Uh, I asked what you had for breakfast, because all I had was toast and I wanted to know what you had.  This is mainly about me and food.  You should know this.”

           

Julie grabbed her cup of tea and breathed it in first before taking a long sip.  Nik said, “Sure, play it off.  We had eggs with onions and peppers, and best bacon ever, and pancakes and coffee and it was delicious. Not like Bisquick pancakes, like for real ones!  A man who can cook, you have to go for him.  He’s like your soul mate!”

           

The tea was a little hotter than she expected and she coughed and sat it down.  “You just about made me choke on my tea.”

           

“I’m convinced of it.”

           

Julie rolled her eyes and went to the back of the store to get another box, calling out, “You want to double date, that’s all this is.  You want double dates now that you have a boyfriend.”

           

“Maybe. Here I can stock that.”  Nik followed her and took the box out of her hands.  “You should go home.  It's a Saturday, boss!”

           

“Nah, I’ve got some work to do.”  She helped carry another box to the front for Nik to work on.

           

“And just so you don't judge me, mother, I didn't sleep with him,” Nik said, eying Julie.

           

Julie smiled at her, “But you gave him a blow job.”

           

“JULIE!” Nik exclaimed in mock shock. “No!” She continued in a very shy voice, reddening slightly, “Maybe a hand job.”

           

“I just hope you got something out of it!”  Julie turned and walked back through the slung open green curtain to her office.

           

“You ask for details and then walk away?”  Nik laughed.

           

Julie sighed and closed the door of her office just halfway behind her.  She turned on her computer and while it booted, went back out front to grab her tea.  Nik was humming to herself and cleaning and dusting off a space near the front book rack to set the new books.  Julie was as quiet as possible so Nik wouldn’t notice her.  She wasn’t ready for more conversation about someone being cute and making breakfast.  It would make her stomach grumble.  When Julie got back to her office, her computer was up and running and she checked her email first. She had several new in her inbox and she read them as follows:

           

Julie,

 

Got your email this morning.  What luck? We’re actually in the process of looking for a general manager.  Kyle’s moving back to Atlanta and I really need someone to help me with the books and the staff.  Go ahead and send me that guy’s resume.  It can’t hurt, ya know? 

 

Also, are you going to next week’s meeting?  I can’t be there but apparently Donnie’s bringing in some guy to propose some official association branding for us.  I smell horse shit, but ya know Donnie—always got to try to make this into his group.

 

Best,

MB

 

She chewed on her lip because she hadn't yet received an email from Justin with his resume, or anything else, and she wondered now if he would.  Maybe she had jumped the gun last night emailing everyone about him.  It had been on her conscience last night, and she was trying to make up her bitchiness to him without having to actually talk to him.  Now, if he didn't send it, she was going to have to figure out a way to get it from him.  Why had she made this situation so awkward?   She made a plan right then and there to take a second chance on the whole thing.  Plus, it wouldn’t be that hard to get his email from Nik or John.

 

Jules,

 

Check out this link of a cat riding a turtle.  Your mom is mad now, I just woke her up.  Didn’t realize the sound was on.

 

Love,

Pops

 

She laughed because her dad also hadn't realized that he didn't send a link with his email.  He was so adorable.  She could only imagine how pissed her mom would have been.  It was sent at 3am, which meant her dad wasn't sleeping well, which meant her parents had probably fought earlier in the night.  Waking her mom up to whatever sound was on the video he watched wasn't going to help. 

           

She sighed and rubbed her forehead.  She didn't need anything from Amazon, didn't care about any GoodReads updates or deals of the day from Belk.  Somewhere in the midst of all the advertising emails was one sent at 11:14pm from the Gmail account of JRCarroll.  The subject line read: “this isn't an apology.”

 

And when she opened it up, it wasn’t.

 

Julie,

 

I know you hate me, but I’d still like a job.  So attached is my resume in case you know of anyone who’s looking for someone with my skills.  Probably a dumb thing for me to try to be all smooth and then promptly piss off the one person who may have some ability to get me a job in this shitty town.

 

Anyway, no worries if you don’t want to help me.  Just putting it out there in case you’re still interested.

 

-J

 

Julie smiled and immediately clicked the forward button.  She didn't think to read his resume, he had given it to her verbally last night.   She typed Mark's email address in the “To” line, re wrote the “Subject” line and erased Justin’s words in the body. 

 

Mark,

 

See attached.  He’s a nice guy and seems to be pretty easy going and dedicated.  Hope something works out soon.

 

Julie H.

 

She then went back to the original email and hit reply.  Her fingers hovered over the keyboard for a moment before she speedily typed a reply.

 

Justin,

 

When I got back home last night I sent an email to some of my colleagues seeing if any of them had any managerial openings.  Got a hit back this morning from Mark Bellenger who is the owner of Java Jones.  Not sure if you saw when you came to my store last week, but Java is around the corner from my store on the main road.  Off of Jones Street (hence the name).  He’s looking for a general manager to do the books and help manage staff.  Not sure if it’s something you are interested in, but I’ve forwarded him your resume and hope something works out.

 

She sucked in a breath.  He hadn't apologized to her and maybe, maybe there was nothing to be read into that.  Maybe he was just trying to keep it professional and basic.  She understood why he would want to.  But she felt like she should apologize and email was a great way to do it.  That way she wouldn’t have to look at him.

 

I am sorry I was bitchy last night to you.  You seem like a decent guy, you just gotta understand that I’m not easily won over.  I've never been won over.   You really don’t want to go down this rabbit hole with me because you may never get out, and that’s just unfair to a new guy in a new city with endless possibilities ahead.  It's better to just consider me a nun.

 

All my best,

 

Julie H.

 

P.S.  I also think you DO owe me an apology, simply because I ended up at the Wendy’s drive thru after I left and spend my night guilt-eating. 

 

Part of her wondered if he would reply.  The other part of her let it go and slowly the rest of her did too.  If fate worked out and Mark liked him, he'd be working near her very soon.  If that happened, they were just both going to have to get over their past two encounters.  Maybe the more they had time to be around each other, the better it would get.  Maybe, just maybe, a little bit of time and distance from it all would make them both move on from whatever weirdness had occurred the night before.

 

 

“It’s ok, don’t worry about it.  You worked Saturday.  I can open, no problem.  Just...” Julie sighed and fumbled with her keys in one hand, purse in the other, tote bag over her shoulder, neck uncomfortably bent to press the phone against her ear.  She knew she looked like a mess this morning.  She leaned forward as the store's heavy back loading door unlocked.  “…don’t let it become a habit.” 

 

She threw her tote and purse in her office after pulling out a couple ones and went back to lock the back door behind her.  The clock ticked 9:59. She was going to have to open, which meant she couldn't go check her emails or work on the chapter she had started last night.  She hadn't even gotten her tea, yet! She still hadn't heard back from that Justin guy, or Mark for that matter, and for some reason that was bothering her.  Concern for his well being and his employment had been eating at her the past two days.  The guy needed help.

 

At church the day before it had been on her mind so much, she had forgotten to stand up for a hymn.  When the person behind her leaned over and whispered, “Are you ok?” she felt like a dumbass and quickly stood up, grabbing a hymnal, dropping it with a load thud and looking like a total klutz.  She was trying not to let it bother her, but she wanted to know what would happen.  Part of her hoped this guy would get a job; he clearly needed something to do that was productive and would get his mind of her and his dad and whatever else.  The other part of her cursed the fact that she had helped him.  What if he got the job?  What if he worked right beside her every day?  What if he just wouldn’t stop pursuing her?  But she was moving on, leaving that up to fate, remember? 

           

“I promise I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

 

“Just call me when you’re close.  If it’s near 11 then you may be getting us lunch.”

 

“Whatever you want, boss!”

 

It wasn't like Nik to be late.  Sure she had come in hung over before, grumpy and foggy, but never late.  For all Nik's silliness, she was a pretty good worker.  But this, this John guy, was going to be a problem.  Julie could tell by the rushed eagerness in her voice this morning and the relaxed playfulness from the night of the party.  The two of them melded together easily.  There wasn’t awkwardness or shyness.  They both wanted it, they both went for it and now they were going to be with each other forever, probably.  Or not, and it would be messy and Nik would be devastated in a couple weeks.  She wanted her friend to be happy, she really did.  But she also wanted her employee to be on time, and she could just see this becoming a more and more regular occurrence. 

 

‘Sorry boss, I’ll be there as soon as I can.’ 

 

‘Sorry boss, he surprised me with breakfast this morning.’ 

 

‘Sorry boss, we stayed up too late.’

 

‘Sorry boss, we got in a huge fight.’ 

 

Yeah, this was going to be a problem.

 

“I just hope you had fun.”

 

Nik gushed and almost yelled into the phone she was so excited, “I’ve spent the last two days with him, I’ve had…”  Her voice immediately went quiet, which meant she was still with him and he was nearby.  “Well, we’ll talk later.  I don’t want him to overhear all my juicy details.”

 

“Good idea.”  Julie turned on all the lights on in the front of the store and walked through, flipping her keys in her hand.  She unlocked the front door, resituating the sleigh bells as they were caught in the handle.  She went outside and locked the door behind her so she could scoot over and get her drink.

 

“Bye! And thanks for being so understanding.  You are the best boss in the world.  You need a medal.”

 

“Bye Nikki!”  Julie laughed, hung up the phone and slid it into the back pocket of her skinny jeans as she walked through the entrance of the coffee shop and stepped up to the counter.  It was a nice day and they had the front door propped open with a small chalk board easel to let in the slight breeze and the spring air.  The place wasn't too busy for a mid Monday morning.

 

A guy with a nose ring and a ratty jean vest smiled at her. “Usual Julie?”

 

“Yeah thanks. Is Mark here?”

 

“He’ll be in a little bit, got an interview or something.”

 

Julie's eyes brightened and she leaned over the counter a little bit as Chris poured her some hot water.  “Really?”

 

“Yeah, I’m either happy or not.  I’m not sure.”  He set her cup of hot water down and turned to grab one of the glass containers on the shelves behind him that were filled to various levels with loose leaf tea.

 

“Why?”

 

“Cause Kyle was an asshole.  But this person could be worse.”

 

“Could be.  Or they could be an idiot,” she suggested as he put some English Breakfast into a little filter pouch and draped it over the side of her to-go cup.  The water slowly tinted brown.

 

“They should ask me.  I mean, I know I don’t have a degree, but I know how to balance a freakin’ check book, ya know?”

 

“You just don’t get any credit do ya, hun?” She smiled at him and he shook his head as she poured a touch of milk into her cup and then fitted it with a lid.  They never charged her here, not ever for her daily dose of tea.  And she knew why.

 

“Never!”

 

“Here’s your credit, ok?”  She slipped the two folded bills into the tip jar by the cash register and the guy smiled.  She more than paid for her tea in tips.

 

“Thanks babe.” He smiled and immediately began helping the students that had filed in behind her.  Class must have just gotten out because it seemed like a rush of people began to filter into the store, professors talking with one another, students crowding around to get their double espressos before their next class. 

 

Julie had just enough time to maneuver through the crowd and get back to her store before it got too late in the morning.  She knew she wasn't going to open on time, but she wasn’t going to rush.  She kept the red Open/Closed sign flipped so that the Closed side was facing outward and sipped her tea slowly.  Minutes later, she was in the middle of filling the cash register with bills from her bank bag when she heard a loud knock on the glass of the front door, making the sleigh bells jingle roughly.

 

She called out, “We’re not open, yet.  We'll be open in-” She stopped when she looked up.  There that Justin guy was in a jacket and tie and a huge smile on his face. “Oh…”

 

“Just wanted to say thanks.”  He yelled through the door as she scooted around the counter and came up to the glass.  “I’m about to go in for my interview.”  He pointed his thumb to the left where the coffee shop was.

 

Julie smiled and put her hands on her hips. “That was quick!”

 

His eyes widen. “I know.  Can I come by after?”  He didn’t need permission to come to her store, but she smiled anyway and nodded at him.

 

“Sure.”

 

He bit his bottom lip, wiggled his eyebrows at her and waved in a completely goofy and excited way.  Good, she thought, maybe fate was doing what it could to fix this problem.  Maybe things were going to be ok.  Maybe they wouldn't be awkward.  Or maybe it would be horrible and he would annoy her all day.

 

This attitude, this negative mindset had to leave.  She didn’t know where it had come from.  Sure, in the past year she had been a little more reclusive, a little more hostile towards people she didn’t know well.  But this was bordering on ridiculous. 

 

An hour passed, somewhere in the midst she finally opened the store.  No customer had been in, yet and Nikki hadn’t shown up.  It was after 11am, and the girl hadn’t shown up.  But Julie made herself busy with the work she would have had Nik do—she was reviewing her used book alcove to make sure everything was still in alphabetical order.  Often people would come to that area and because the books looked a little disfigured they assumed there was no order to the place and would pull books out and put them back in wherever they wanted.  She also knew Nik hated this type of “busy work”, but Julie oddly found it comforting, therapeutic even.  She wondered what was going on next door in the coffee shop.  An hour was a pretty long time for an interview.  A thought came to her that maybe it went badly and he had just sulked home. 

 

'Alphabetical by author, not by title, people!' she thought as she moved a copy of Beloved over to the M section, labeled with an old M sticker that was faded and ripped.

 

The sleigh bells rang and she called out over her shoulder, “Good morning!”  She squatted down to pick up a book that she saw lying there on the floor, dusty and half hidden under the rolling shelves that her father had built for her when she first bought the place.  She picked it up and as soon as she wiped the dust off and read the title “Delta of Venus” by Anais Nin, she smelled that darned cologne.

 

“Ma’am,” she stood up and he was leaning in the doorway of the alcove with a furrowed brow.  “I was wondering where your non-porn books would be.”  He widened his eyes and fought the urge to smile.

 

She rolled her eyes and pushed the book in the section of N’s.  “Oh, shut up.  How’d it go?”

 

She turned and faced him and when he said, “I start training tomorrow!” she lifted up her hand to give him a high five.

 

“Really?!”

 

He smacked her hand with his and beamed.  “Yeah!”

 

She noticed now he was no longer wearing his coat or his tie and no longer was carrying the brown folder he had had in his hand before.  She ducked a little so she could squeeze past him and walked over to her counter, pretending to organize some of the random things they sold there: a local magazine, moleskin journals, overly priced fancy book marks and free paper ones with their store logo on them.             

 

“That’s awesome.”

 

“All because of you.”

 

“Please…”  She glanced at him.

 

“Seriously, you could have just left me hanging!”

 

She shook her head and continued organizing all the crap around the register.  She thought about getting rid of it all and having a clean counter.  “Just ‘cause I’m not going to have sex with you doesn’t mean I can’t help at least get you a job.”

 

He quickly changed the subject and she wondered if he was making an effort to avoid the sex conversation.  “So, last time I was here I didn’t get a look around.”

 

“Well over here…”  She went to the far right wall and motioned to a small three foot row full of pink and red paperbacks.  “Just this row is our romantic fiction.  I’m very selective.  The rest of the store,” she made a grand sweeping motion.  “Is what you would call ‘nonporn’.  I really wish you’d call it romantic fiction or at least erotic.”

 

He laughed and put up his hands defensively.  “You’re the one calling it that!  And I’m not going to talk about it anymore.  I’m getting it out of my system.”

 

“Can we talk serious for a second?”  She walked around a large shelf and stepped up on the platform behind the counter.  He was leaning against it on the other side. 

 

He nervously drummed his fingers against the surface and wouldn’t look at her in the eyes.  But she needed to talk to him, and she needed his full attention. “Yeah, what’s up?”

 

“So….”  Suddenly the sleigh bells rang and Julie looked at the clock before she looked at the door.  It was 11:10 and it was Monday.  She said, “Hey Mrs. Maple!” and smiled at the ancient woman, stooped over with glasses on the tip of her nose, a large leather purse hanging off one arm and a used and torn paper grocery bag in the other.  The woman smiled and then shuffled her crouched frame into the alcove with the used books.

 

“Who’s that?”  Justin asked, watching the maroon trench coated woman disappear into the little room.

 

“That’s Mrs. Maple.  She comes in every Monday and trades used books. She’s my hero.  I want to be just like her when I grow up!”  Justin nodded with a grin and Julie tapped the counter to get his attention back onto her.  “Anyway, serious.”  His eyes darted down to her hand that was on the counter.  “Your brother and my friend, well employee in this way.”  His eyes moved back up to her and seemed relieved.  She wondered what he was so worried about.  “Nik is my buddy.  She’s like a sister, kind of, and I’m happy she’s dating someone, but he can’t make her late to work! This is going to be a habit and it’s gonna be messy!”

 

He just stared at her, “What do you want me to do about it?”

 

“I don’t know!”  She raised her hands up in the air and then let them smack back against her thighs.  “Have an intervention.”

 

He just laughed and stood up straight.  The blue of his shirt made his eyes bluer than she had seen before.  They were a dark blue, like the ocean and she noticed the wrinkle in his forehead was still there but not as noticeable as it had been the past few days.  She hoped him getting a job had helped that worry dissipate a little bit. “I’m not gonna tell my brother to stop being with a pretty lady.  It’s for you to tell your employee she can’t be late for work.  Write her up or something,” he shrugged.

 

“But it’s hard,” Julie whined.  “She’s my friend and I’m happy for her.”

 

“Yeah, but she’s your employee.”  Julie fiddled with some stuff on the ancient register and didn’t look at him.  He laughed again and said, “You let her do whatever, don’t you?”

 

“She’s my number two here!  I’d be lost without her.”

 

“You’d probably be ok, but I understand.  That’s why I would never hire a friend or a family member or go into business with them.”

 

She pouted a little.  “Maybe I need to go to business school.”

 

“How did you get this place anyway?”

 

“It was a used book store and it was going out of business and I made money with the movie rights and thought it would be fun and bought it and turned it into mostly new but some used.  We have a lot of specialty books—like non-fiction and poetry and a lot of local stuff, so that’s honestly where I get a lot of business.  But then I also have all the normal stuff, romantic, fantasy, standard classic fiction and the best sellers.”

 

“That’s neat.”  He nodded.

 

Suddenly Julie was excited, talking a little with her hands, her eyes were sparkling and he just kept grinning at her.  “What’s neat is that because we’re kind of in this downtown shops area, the closest mega book store is ten miles away.  So I get a lot of the campus and literary crowd that comes in.  Like a lot of the liberal arts kids come here to buy their books because even though I don’t sell text books I’ll have their primary sources and I usually get them in used and they’re cheap.  I’ve wanted to do more community stuff like poetry readings and crap like that but it’s hard to drum up support when it’s just me.”

 

Something happened.  It was small and probably too insignificant to mention, but suddenly they both seemed to have a change of heart and peacefulness came over them. Justin was still completely enraptured by this woman, but more than anything, more than her stories or her sex life, he really did want to know her, about her past and her hopes for the future, what she liked to do and what she didn’t.  And Julie, Julie began to understand that this guy was more than just an interesting character study.  He was more than that, he was a real person with real feelings and real fuck-ups and he was leaning against the counter staring at her with this comforting smile that made her feel at ease.  The past two days that smile had made her feel uncomfortable at times, but now, now it was harmless and it was nice to look at, to see, to make happen. Maybe it was just because he had finally asked her a question that had nothing to do with sex.  Maybe they had really moved past it. 

 

“Do you like to read?”

 

“Yeah, I actually do, not just porn.”  They both laughed.  Why were they suddenly able to laugh about it, when before she would have glared at him for the comment?

 

“What do you normally read?”

 

“This is going to be really weird:  I like Russian literature, space novels and cook books.”  He sped through the middle part and was pinking a little in his cheeks.

 

“Anna Karenina is one of my favorite books, after I figured out there are only like ten characters, they just each have ten different ways to say their name.”

 

“Yeah, it's a good one.  You just need time to dedicate to it.

 

“So...”  She grinned.  “Space novels?  So, Sci-Fi/Fantasy?”

 

“Occasionally...”  His entire face and neck reddened.

 

“Don’t be ashamed!”  Julie exclaimed.  “You like what you like. I won’t judge you!”

 

Justin moved at the sound of shuffling feet, and when he turned Mrs. Maple was coming over, carrying her used grocery bag and about ten other books from the used racks.  How this elderly woman maneuvered with all these items was a mystery, but she did it with grace.

 

“Honey, I think you’re gonna like what I have for you here.”

 

Julie reached far over the counter to grab the bag from the elderly woman, who looked like what she was carrying more than her own weight.  “Oh Mrs. Maple, let me help you.” 

 

They both began to pull old books from the woman’s paper bag and set them on the counter.  Justin watched as Julie pulled a pencil from behind her ear and took a receipt tab and began scribbling down titles and prices. 

 

“I’ve read this one several times and I think you can probably get five dollars off of it,” Mrs. Maple said. It was a copy of Gone With the Wind.  Julie knew for a fact she already had two used copies in stock.

 

“You know all our used are two fifty.

 

“But this is a classic.”

 

“Yes ma’am,” Julie glanced at Justin who was just looking between the both of them with the most amused smile on his face.  “I’ll see if I can get that much for it.”

 

After a few more moments of Julie writing down on the receipt pad, she pressed a few buttons on her cash register and said, “Ok, looks like we’re an even trade today, Mrs. Maple.”

 

‘Thank you honey, I’ll see you next week.”  The woman grabbed her paper bag full of new used books and shuffled out.  The sleigh bells rang and Julie organized the books Mrs. Maple had left on her counter.  Most of them were crappy gas station novels, but there was a Cormac McCarthy and a collection of John Donne poems mixed in, so it wasn’t a total loss.

 

“That was not an even trade.”

 

“She’s my number one customer.  Stop judging my business practices.”

 

Julie moved around the counter and grabbed one of the stacks of books Mrs. Maple had left.  “This is a non-profit, huh?  Endowed by the J. B. Hann Sexy Writing Foundation.”

 

“Shut it.  It’s fun!  I need to finish this up.  Will only take me a few minutes.” He nodded and started looking around the store, pulling out a book here, putting it back, skimming his fingers over some of the new glossy hard backs on the center round table display.  Julie worked on putting Mrs. Maple’s books into their proper alphabetical space.  The sleigh bells rang a few minutes later and when Julie looked over she saw a blur of a red head barrel through the doors.  

 

“Hey!  You finally made it,” Julie said. She couldn’t see Justin, but figured he was hiding behind the load baring column in the center of the store.  She grinned, he had found the sci-fi section, probably.

 

“Sorry, I high-tailed it over here.  He had to go to into the office, anyway. Oh my God, I’m soooo in love, Julie!!”  Nik groaned, leaning against the counter in the most dramatic fashion.  Julie widened her eyes.  Clearly she hadn’t seen Justin in the store either.

 

“Shh…”

 

Nik shrugged. “What?”

 

“Hey Nik.”  Justin bent out from behind the column, and goofily waved at Nikki.

 

‘Oh my God hey what are you doing here,” she deadpanned without any pauses.

 

“He’s buying books, of course.”  Julie said cutting her eyes to Justin.  “You are going to buy something, right?”

 

“Uh, sure…”

 

“I see you found the Sci-Fi section.”  He reddened again and disappeared behind the column.

 

Nik was beaming, hand on her hip, grin in the corner of her mouth. “Things are going well?”

 

“He’s just looking around.”  Julie rolled her eyes.  “He just got a job and wanted to thank me.”

 

“Did you replace me?”

 

“No, he’s gonna manage Java.”

 

“Oh cool!”

 

Justin sauntered over and shook the book in his hand. It was Ann Leckie’s new book that had been pretty popular the past year.  “I’ll get this.”

 

She waved her hand. “Call it a happy new job present.”

 

“No, really I can pay for this.  It’s just 15 bucks.”

 

“Yeah but you over paid for my 20 dollar paperback so…”  She glared at him playfully.

 

“I gotta pay you back somehow; you got me a job and now are going to give me a book?  I’m not going to be part of this non-profit ponzi scheme.  Can I get you lunch or something?”

 

It started creeping back.  Why couldn’t he just take the book and go?  Now with Nik here it was weird and awkward, and Julie could tell that Nik was just staring at them, amused, probably planning their wedding since, ya know, they were soul mates or some bull shit.  She was annoyed and uncomfortable. “Just take the damn book.”

 

“This is no way to run a business!” he said exasperatingly.

 

“That’s what I tell her!  Take her to lunch.”

 

Julie gave her employee a look.  “I’m not going to lunch.”

 

Nik put her arm around her boss. “What is wrong with you?  It’s 11:30, I know you.  You’ve been thinking about lunch for at least an hour now.”

 

“I’m busy,” she grumbled and tried to walk away, taking the other stack of Mrs. Maple’s books with her to the alcove.

 

“No, let’s all talk about this.  There’s no one else here and you need to be called out on your bull shit Julie.”

 

“Excuse me.”  She turned slowly as she heard the words.

 

Nik waved her hands in front of Justin as if he were the puzzle on Wheel of Fortune.  “You have a nice, attractive man who wants to buy you lunch.”  She then pointed to herself. “You have me here to cover the store.  So, why won’t you go? There’s no reason not to.  It’s lunch, you’ll be back in an hour.”

 

“I just, I have stuff…”

 

“No you don’t!”

 

“Stop ganging up on me!”

 

Justin put up his hands in surrender, still holding onto his book.  “I’m staying out of it.  I’m just trying to say thanks.”

 

“You said thanks! I don’t even need your thanks! I’m fine!”

 

“Will you please go on a date for once in your life?”

 

Julie groaned, stomped back over, plopped the books on the counter, making the top two fall off and then threw her hands up walking towards the back of the store. “So now it’s a date?!”

 

“Oh my God, I can’t stand it when you’re like this,” Nik said back to her. 

 

Julie needed an out.  Maybe she could claim she brought her lunch, which was a lie.  Maybe she could just leave out the back door.  It was looking like a great escape route, her only option.  But when she was back there, she could hear them mumbling to each other.

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Justin said.

 

Nik had sighed, “No, I just don’t know why she does this to herself.”

 

“Was she like burned or something?”

 

“No, that’s the thing, she’s just a little inexperienced.”  Julie ground her teeth and leaned into her office to grab her purse that was sitting on the dingy couch right inside.  “I don’t know, I’m not saying anything, she’s just got her quirks.  I just want her to be happy, but her idea of happy is weird and different from…”  Nik’s speech stopped when Julie walked back out, purse on her shoulder, forced smile on her face.

 

“Ready?”  She looked up to Justin. She wasn't going to put up with this.  This was her store, her life and no one could tell her what to do.  She was going to go to lunch with this dude to shut Nik up and to lay it all out on the line for him.  She had to.  She couldn't handle it anymore.  Nik was going to get a talking to when she got back.  Maybe he was right, she should write her up.  But first, first, she was going to go to get a free fucking burger and it was going to be amazing.  Things were fine before Nik walked in.  Things were perfect.  She was going to get that back.

 

 

He blinked when she stormed back in, looking ready as ever to go get a bite to eat.  Moments before it had seemed like the worst idea to her and now here she was.  The girl was confusing as hell and as much as Justin was interested and intrigued by her, he was starting to get a feeling in the pit of his stomach.  Nerves, uncontrollable, freaked out, nerves.  Maybe they were delayed nerves from his interview which he had been totally calm about.  Whatever they were for, this girl was not to be messed with.  Inexperience?  Was she a virgin?  Quirks?  Was she some medical anomaly?  He didn't know, but he was certain the last thing his partially depressed, still grieving self needed was a basket case to deal with.

 

“What?”

 

“Let’s go to lunch!”

 

He just stared at her, terrified. “Seriously?”

 

“I’m not going to stand here and have you guys talk about me and about my inexperience and quirks and differences…”  She glared at Nik, “So you are going to pay for my lunch.  Where do you want to go?  I’m craving a burger.”

 

His voice cracked and he stumbled with what to say, “Y-you know this town better than I do.”

 

“We’re going to S&M, you want anything?”

 

Nik sung out, “I’m fine, have fun!”

 

Julie stormed out through the back and Justin had to quicken his pace to keep up.  He followed her through the back of the store, past her office and stock room to the heavy loading door.  When she busted through it, he followed and called out to her.  “Um, where exactly are we going?”

 

“Strauss and Main,” she yelled, moving through the back parking lot like a bullet.

 

“Oh…”  He laughed a little. “Sorry, you said S&M”

 

She stopped suddenly and he had to halt his steps so he didn’t run into her.  She mumbled “sorry” and dropped her purse to her feet and immediately began pulling her hair down from her ponytail to pull it back up again. He was beginning to think this was a nervous habit of hers.

 

“Look…”  He licked his lips and said, “You don’t have to go with me.”

 

“Yeah, I do.”

 

She sounded like she was going to get a root canal, not lunch.  “Well, this seems like it’s going to be fun,” he said sarcastically.

 

Julie let her hair fall back again and stared into space.  “I can’t stand it when she gets on my case.  So what if I’m not some slut who fucks on the first night like her whorish...”  She immediately stopped and looked at Justin.  “I’m sorry, she’s not a slut and I shouldn’t say that. I’m just angry.”

 

“Clearly.”  The bad thing was, the girl, basket case that she was, was still attractive and sexy in her unassuming way.  She picked up her purse and turned on her heels, walking quickly again to the end of the parking lot to a shiny dark blue BMW Sedan.

 

“I can drive, ya know?”

 

“Do you know where you are going?”  She remotely unlocked the Beemer.

 

“Not really.”

 

“Then I’ll drive.”  She opened the door, got in and slammed the door shut. He cringed and quickly walked around to the passenger side, afraid she might take off without him.

 

“So….” he said, once he got in and got buckled up.

 

“I’m so getting a beer at lunch,” she gritted out.

 

“Do it!”

 

He watched as she had to turn almost her entire body out of the front seat to look behind her and back out.  She really was tiny.  But the scowl on her face and the bitterness in her voice filled up the car, like she was much larger. “I mean, I own the place, it’s not like it matters.”

 

“Yes, live a little,” he encouraged

 

She moved the car to park and flipped back around.  “Just be quiet.”

 

The car ride was silent.  He just sat there, glancing at her as she gnawed on her bottom lip, eyes hidden behind huge sunglasses, hands, he noticed now with chipped lime green nail polish, gripping the steering wheel and speeding through the downtown streets.  At first, he was slightly worried she was going to kill him.  But she shifted her car like a pro, and Justin tried to ignore the fact that her anger and frustration while expertly driving this manual BMW was super sexy.  Why did a nut job have to be sexy? 

 

“Dammit, Julie.” And now she was talking to herself.

 

“Huh?”

 

They parked in front of the bar that Justin remembered going to with his brother the week before.  Julie let out a huge sigh, and when he looked at her, she looked absolutely mortified, slumped in her driver’s seat, forehead against her steering wheel, hair all over the place.  “I’m just a moron and I’m now talking to myself out loud.  Just go ahead and say it.”

 

“What?”

 

She sat up and stared at him, “I’m crazy, huh?’

 

“Maybe a little...”  He grinned at her and what Bill said the other night made so much sense now.  Friends, that's all they could be.  And maybe she needed a friend more than he even did.  Clearly she had some issues, sex or not.  Her mood swings were radical and he was not about to try to become romantically involved with her and have to take that drama on when he had enough of his own.  He nodded to the restaurant and they both got out.  “We all are a little crazy.  But, I want you to know something.  The silent awkward car ride here made up my mind. I’ll tell you about it when we get inside.”

 

“I’m so embarrassed.”  She covered her face with both of her hands.

 

“Stop it.  You shouldn’t be.” She looked fearful of him and timid when she walked up to him.  Luckily she had found a close parking space and the walk wasn't that far.  He opened the door for her and when they walked in there were several open tables.  “Where you wanna sit?”  She just walked towards a two seater over by the window, the exact spot Justin remembered Nik and that other girl sitting the other week.  Menus were plucked from between the salt and pepper shakers and the bottles of ketchup and malt vinegar.  He glanced over his menu momentarily.

 

Julie's eyes were wide as they sat there and waited for the waitress to come over.  She was avoiding eye contact with him and looked like she was either having an intense conversation with herself or completely demolishing the inside of her cheek, chewing on it.  She pretended to study the menu.  He couldn't handle it and shifted a little.  When she looked at him, he made sure to hold her gaze.  He was going to start this conversation and she was going to have to deal with it.  They were in public, about to order a meal and he figured she would have less of a chance to get mad at him and make a scene in a neutral space.

 

“So, I’m drawing a line in the sand.”  He moved his finger tips over the center of the table in between them.

 

“This is a table, not sand.”

 

He passed her a bored look.  “Imagine it, will you?”  He kept his posture leaned towards her and said in a soft, low voice.  “I’m not trying to have sex with you.  It’s pretty clear to me now that this…us…”  He motioned between both of them.  “Would be really, really messy.”

 

She just stared back at him, blinking once, then again. Those green eyes were locked on him and she was hanging on to everything he was saying.  He could tell by her intense stare. “This doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re cute and interesting and fascinating, or that I don’t think you are a very talented writer.  I just think we both have some issues that could be messy.”  He then relaxed back into his chair.  “However, I want to get to know you better.  We’re going to be working right beside each other and clearly things are going well with Nik and John so we’re probably going to be around each other a time or two.  So, for both other sanities, I think we should be buddies.  I think that’s what we need.”  He nodded in agreement with his own statement.

 

“Need?”  She was cringing and looked horrified at the concept. His ego, from his wonderful idea, deflated and he leaned forward.

 

His voice was a little defensive in its tone. “I mean look, you’ve made it perfectly clear you don’t want me as a boyfriend.  And I just moved here and honestly with all my emotional baggage right now, I probably don’t need to be getting a girlfriend immediately.  I need to figure this place out.  What I do need is a buddy and maybe you need a buddy, too!” 

 

She was no longer cringing, but just staring at him, thinking hard.  “No sex, no flirting, just friends,” he added. The horrified look was gone, and her eyes were sparkling again, and there was the smallest smile in the corner of her lips

 

 “And maybe, just maybe, I’ll prove a point in the process and you’ll learn that men can actually be decent people who don’t always have to talk or think about sex!”

 

“You guys ready?” Suddenly the waitress was there and Justin pinked just slightly at the possibility that she may have heard the last part of his speech.

 

“Uh, yeah...”  Justin put his menu back on the edge of the table by the window and smiled at the lady standing there, trying to recover from his embarrassment.  “We’re getting a pitcher of Yuengling and I’m getting the blue cheese burger and she’s gonna have…”

 

“Chicken Cesar wrap,” Julie beamed. 

 

As soon as the waitress had turned to leave, Justin said, “You said you wanted a burger.”

 

“I really just want fries.”

 

“Then you should have just ordered a basket of fries!”

 

“Well see…” she began to explain.  She was at ease and he could tell by her posture and she brightness in her eyes and the flush in her cheeks that suddenly she was having a good time.  “The burgers here are huge and I really just wanted a bite because you're here and last time I saw you, you were grilling burgers. I figured you would maybe let me have a bite of yours and a bite will satisfy my burger need for a week or so.”

 

“What are you going to do with your wrap?”

 

“Eat half of it and save the other for dinner.”

 

He grinned at her.  A planner like John, but instead of being an asshole about it, she was completely adorable.  “Did you plan all this out?”

 

The crazy, stressed out, humiliated and angry woman who sped them to this place was gone.  The girl from the deck, from her email, from her shop this morning was back.  She hadn't really commented in positive or negative to his friendship proposal, but he was hoping that she would just ease into it with him, then they could have a friendly neighborly relationship, so that when she came into the coffee shop, or he saw her with Nik that it would be cordial, fun even.  This could be the last lunch they ate together, so he was hoping for decent conversation.

 

“Yeah…”  She laughed at herself.  “I usually start planning lunch about 10am.  When I’m not writing, or not reading a book, or not thinking about what movie I want to watch tonight, I’m thinking about food.”

 

“I love food.”

 

“Who doesn’t love food?  Like, find me a person who hates food and that person needs to just go be alone in the desert with nothing. Nik told me you can cook breakfast.”

 

“Girl, I cook it all.”  He smiled when the waitress brought their pitcher and two pint glasses.  He poured them each a glass.

 

“I’ve been thinking about buying a grill, but since it’s just me I don’t know if I would use it.  Grilling is such like a team sport, ya know? You need people and booze and music to grill.”

 

“That is a lie. I grill all the time by myself.”  After he said, it he got quiet for a moment.  Lately he was doing everything by himself and he hoped that last statement didn’t sound too needy or whiny or pathetic.

 

When he glanced at her, she was smiling brightly and she smacked the table with her fist and said triumphantly, “Let’s do this.” 

 

“What?” He took a sip of his beer.

 

She shrugged. “Be buddies!  Now that I know you aren’t trying to get in my pants, I think this is awesome!  Maybe every other Monday or something we can go to lunch, we’ll be right beside each other store wise.”

 

“Monday’s with Jules and Justin.”

 

“Jules, eh?” She sipped her beer and her eyes looked curious over the rim of her glass.

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing, only Dad calls me that.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“No I like it!  It’s cool.”  It was quiet for just a moment and she eyed the pitcher of foamy, honey brown liquid sitting on their table.   “I can’t believe you got us a pitcher.  You may have to drive me back. I can be a light weight sometimes.”

 

He just passed her a small smile.  Part of him hoped she was being honest about that.  He kind of wanted to get behind the wheel of that sweet car.  “So, now that we’re buddies, what else do you like to do when you’re not writing or reading or watching movies or eating?”

 

They both laughed. “Well, I love baseball.”

 

His ears began to ring, she had said it so casually and normal.  Baseball?  What?           “Really?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Really?’

 

She rolled her eyes playfully, “No, I just lied for no reason.”

 

His ears stopped ringing and he had to drink a long chug of his beer to calm himself.  Becky always hated baseball season because he wanted to watch games and they were boring to her.  He had always loved it, but really gotten into it the past season with his dad, watching baseball every day, every Braves game.  And on off days, they'd watch the next best match up.  His dad had even told him, Whatever you do son, get a girl that will watch a game with you.  She doesn’t even have to love it, just tolerate it!  And if you find a girl that loves it, well she could look like a cow and it doesn’t matter.  Go for it!

 

He licked his lips, chuckling at the memory.  Julie sure didn’t look like a cow.  “If you like baseball, I’m taking it back—we’re not buddies, we’re going to go elope right now.  You know how long I’ve been looking for a girl who will watch baseball with me?”

 

“Girls like baseball, you just need to look harder.  There are men in tight pants! You know about the River Rats, right?”

 

“The what?”

 

She laughed fully and nodded. “Horrible name, I know. It’s a minor league team over in Cason.  Like twenty minutes away?  Not sure why it’s there and not here in Walterville.  I had season tickets last year, but I never got to go because I was busy with the store.  But now that I have Nikki and weekend help I thought about getting them again.  I think their season starts this weekend actually.”

 

He just blinked.  She really wasn't lying.  And it wasn't just like, ‘oh I like baseball' like ‘oh, I like movies.’  No, she really did like it, knew it even!  “You really like baseball.”

 

“Yeah, I’m a big Cards fan.  My dad grew up near St. Louis. Most people here pull for the Braves, but everyone in the South pulls for the Braves.  Speaking of, I can’t believe we haven’t even talked about this, where did you move from?”

 

“Knoxville.”

 

“So you’re a Braves fan.”  He nodded and mouthed ‘oh yea’.  “What do you think about McCann now being a Yankee?”

 

He still couldn't believe it.  It’s one thing to say it, to go to games, to pronounce what type of fan you are.  It’s another thing to start talking about offseason trades!  “You seriously know baseball.”

 

“Yeah, I do. You guys got that shortstop Simmons for a steal.  He’s one of the best defensive players I’ve seen.   So what about McCann?  I’m dying to know your thoughts.”

 

He sucked in a deep breath, well at least now he had a buddy to watch games with him.  This was going to be awesome.  Maybe they could get together, drink beer and watch baseball.  This was going to be hard, very hard to keep this just friendly.  She was suddenly so open to him, so fun, so….friendly and playful.  He was going to need a trick. Maybe, maybe she was a medical anomaly.  Maybe she was a hermaphrodite.  That would actually, honestly, make sense and he would no longer be attracted to her.  It was what he was going to have to do.

 

 “It’s shit.  It’s like come on dude, you’re from Georgia, and you are the face of our franchise!”

 

“But it’s the Yankees!  Every kid that plays baseball grows up dreaming of wearing the pin stripes and making a bazillion dollars.”

 

God, she was so cool, so awesome saying “pin stripes” and talking baseball shop with him.  So what, she didn’t want to bone him?  This was awesome.  He smiled.  What a fucking lucky guy was he?  A hot chick to talk baseball with! “So are these Rats good?”

 

“They are ok.  I mean, it’s fun, ya know?  They are Double A team for the Rays so, that’s crappy.  I mean, who pulls for the Rays?  But, it’s a fairly new stadium kind of in the country, fireworks on Friday.”

 

“We’ll we’re going.  John cares more about football.  I mean, he’ll watch baseball and he pulls for the Braves, but like I do fantasy teams with my friend Bill and some people back home and used to always go to a Braves series every year with dad.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“His bucket list was to go to all 30 parks before he died, but he just got so sick so fast.”

 

Their food was brought out lightening fast and he was glad for the distraction.  He could feel his chest getting heavy at the thought of his dad’s unfulfilled wish.  He coughed and pulled off the onions and tomato from his burger, trying to distract himself from the somberness he stupidly brought into the situation. He was going to have to get a grip.  He knew this was part of the steps, that sometimes it would be fine and others, random other times, it would just bubble up in him, this kind of emotion.  But this was not the time, not when everything was going so well with Julie.

 

“You ok?”

 

He needed to change the subject.  “So, buddddyyy…”

 

Her laugh was full and deep.  It wasn’t pretty or girly, but it was fun and easy. “I love how we just declared it.  It’s like…”  She let her fist lightly land on the table “You just stuck your flag in the table and was like, ‘I declare this a friendship!’”

 

“It’s how I roll.  So, serious, am I gonna hate my new job?”

 

She shrugged and finished chewing her bite of food. “I don’t know!  The last guy I didn’t really know that well.  He was always sulking in their back office bitching at people.  I think it’s one of those jobs where you can be really present if you want to or not.  I honestly don’t know.  Mark is a super nice guy, but he knows coffee not necessarily how to run a business.  He’s kind of a snarky hippie, if that’s a possible thing to be.  So he probably needs a good people person that can run everything. And at least it’s a foot in the door.  The great thing about Java is everyone in town goes there.  So it’s surprisingly a good networking place to meet people and other possibilities.”

 

“That’s a good way to think about it.”

 

“And it’s money.”

 

He pointed a fry at her. “Exactly, and when you don’t have to pay rent, don’t have college loans, your car is paid off and pretty much you just have to buy burgers and beers, it’s pretty sweet.”

 

She randomly changed the subject.  “Did you play sports in high school or ever?” she asked before eating two ketchup soaked fries.

 

“Yeah, I played baseball, but I kind of sucked at it.  I was actually really good at soccer—but I hate soccer!  Run this way, run that way, it just was boring to me.  You?”

 

“I tried out for softball and failed miserably.  I’m not very coordinated,” she chuckled.

 

“My problem was our baseball team was actually really good.  We actually went to States a few times.  So I probably would have been good on like a crappy high school team.”

 

“So you grew up in Knoxville?”

 

“Yup, born and raised.  You here?”

 

“Yeah, this is where my mom’s from, so she met dad in college because he came to Walterville State and she was at Davis—that’s the preppy girl’s college. Married, settled, had me.”

 

He smiled at her.  “Sounds kind of perfect and boring.”

 

Julie nodded and swallowed her food before briefly mentioning, “I mean, I did have a sister.”

 

“What?”  He blinked.  She said it so much in passing that he almost kept talking.  She had a sister?  As in past tense, as in no longer around?

 

“Yeah.  She died when I was two.&r

It was going to be a good day.  Despite having to go into a meeting, and despite it being cloudy and windy, it was going to be good.  Ever since he had declared their friendship, she had been in a good mood.  Nik even wouldn’t shut up about it the afternoon before: ‘you smell like beer, you are laughing, you had a good time, what are you naming your babies’.  Julie was able to laugh about it.  A weight had been lifted that she hadn’t even realized was there.  It was kind of amazing that just one simple moment, one declaration could change her attitude so much.

 

When Julie had told her their deal, just to stay friends, Nik had pouted a little, saying it was a waste of a hot man but was happy that Julie was happy.  And Julie really was.  It was the simple triumph of no longer feeling like a bitch, about him really being interested in her now.  The amazing thing about the entire situation wasn’t the interest, or the kindness they shared, but the fact that they really had so much in common and their conversation was easy.  They actually had fun and made each other laugh.  And when she got home that night, she couldn’t help but think about how right he was.  She really did need a friend, a buddy.  Nik was great, but she was an employee and as much as Julie liked her, she didn’t tell her everything on purpose.  And Blake had just been so busy.  She could feel them pulling apart.  Not bad, just one of those natural things that happens when people get busy and move on with their lives.

 

A friend, girl or guy, cute or ugly, was exactly what she needed.

 

She opened up the door to the coffee shop and walked in, a gush of fresh air coming with her, mingling with the smell of freshly brewed coffee.

 

“Hey Julie.”

 

She walked to the counter as Chris worked to get her beverage ready.  “Hey Chris, how ya doing?

 

“Fine.  New guy is here.”             

 

“Yeah?  How you liking him?”    

 

Chris shrugged, “Seems super nice.  I heard you got him the job.  So if I hate him, I’m blaming you.  Here’s your tea.”

 

She smacked her hand on her forehead and laughed, “Oh, I’m also getting Nik a tall mocha and Lisa a double java frosted—what’s that thing she gets?”  She had been so busy thinking about how happy she was she had forgotten the main reason she had come in to get drinks.  Lisa had come in this morning to help them do an overall inventory of their books.  It was going to be a long day, even longer because she had her association meeting that afternoon.  Normally the meetings became a bitch fest, would put her in a piss poor mood and she’d go back and vent to Nik for hours.  Somewhere last year she had agreed to take minutes for them.  So she always felt like she had to go, couldn’t bail, even though she kind of hated the meetings.

 

“Don’t worry, I got it—I know what Ms. Picky orders,” Chris said.

 

“Thanks!  Is he back there?”

 

“Justin? Yeah.”  Chris leaned a little towards the back room and called out, “Hey Justin!”

 

Julie grumbled, a little embarrassed, “You didn’t have to get him.”

 

He emerged, looking much more casual than the day before.  Jeans and a red polo shirt, eyes sparkling with interest and excitement. He was relaxed and seemed super happy and engaged.  “Hey Jules!”

 

“Just saying hey.”  She waved and he smiled at her, leaning over the counter where some scones were wrapped in plastic.

 

“Hey buddy,” he grinned, dragging out the word.

 

When Mark appeared behind Justin, she asked both of them while dropping a bit of milk into her cup.  “How’s training?”

 

“He’s better at this than me.”  Mark’s eyes widened.  “He’s like training me.  Efficient flow.  Scheduling via email—there’s this thing called a Doodle, I don’t know. Product retention.  I’m totally lost.”

 

Julie laughed, “Well ya know, I expect commission if he works out.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, your commission is freebies, so don’t push it missy.”

 

Chris said excuse me to Justin and put the two other drinks in front of her in a carry tray and she put her tea in with it.  She couldn’t imagine drinking the thing that Lisa had ordered.  It had whipped cream and sprinkles and a big round top with a huge straw out of it.  If Julie was going to waste her calories, she was getting a damn milkshake, or a hot dog.   “Ya’ll have fun.”

 

She was half way to the door to leave when she heard her name being called.

 

She turned and Mark was right behind her, his hands were in his cargo shorts and his pale tan Hawaiian style shirt had some stains on it already.  Poor guy, he looked a mess.  She had never noticed it before, but now beside Justin who looked so put together, it was insanely obvious.   

 

“What’s up?”

 

“First, thanks.  I really think he’s gonna work out.”  He was smiling brightly.

 

She tried not to smile too brightly, but that was great news to her.  She was glad to be able to help. “Awesome.”

 

“Also…”  He looked around for a minute and leaned in a bit, saying quietly.  “Did you hear the gossip?”

 

She eyed him.  Mark always looked pretty relaxed, but right now, despite the sandals and the stained shirt, he looked anxious.  “No. What gossip?”

 

“Donnie is leaving.”

 

“Leaving?”

 

“Yeah, he’s moving.”

 

Her eyes widened.  Donnie was the ass of the group, but he had had his store longer than anyone else in the center.  He was the first person to move there when the places were built 20 years ago.  Even though he was just a florist, and wasn’t the busiest shop in the group, it was weird to think of him leaving.  “Moving the store?”

 

Mark shook his head.  “No, just closing the business and he’s moving to Montana.”

 

“Montana?!”  This was stupid and shocking.  Donnie was born and raised here, was big into politics here.  He was one of the most well known people in Walterville. 

 

“Yeah, I don’t know.”

 

She sat her tray of drinks on the closest empty table by the door.  It was scary.  As the university grew and more and more dorms were being built outside of the downtown area, the town was becoming more of a commuter town.  More people meant more business, sure, but business outside town, on the outskirts, mini malls and fancy outdoor shopping centers with Targets and Starbucks and chain stores made to look like boutiques.  Their little shopping center needed a boost, not another nail in the coffin.  “He’s not selling the business?”

 

“I know.  It’s got Barbs freaked out.  She’s convinced a tattoo shop is going to open up in that spot.”

 

She laughed.  “What’s she care?  She’s covered in them.”  Barbara had Betty Boop tattoos all along her arms and neck.  It went with her whole 50s pin up girl aura.  She was probably wearing polka dots right now.

 

“She’s gotta point, though.  We’re doing good with our little one-stop shopping boutique thing.  Tattoo shop isn’t our image.”

 

“I’m more concerned with having two vacant stores in the building.” 

 

“That’s true.”

 

Julie licked her lips and glanced over where Chris and Justin were talking and laughing about something.  “I mean, Carl’s only doing classes now three times a week and at night, so it’s kind of like we have three vacancies now.”

 

“Maybe we should talk about this at the meeting.”

 

Julie eyed him, “I thought you weren’t going.”

 

“I wasn’t, but now with Donnie not going…”

 

“Is the developer dude still coming?”

 

“Who knows?  Probably not.  Kind of suspicious that last week he was pushing that guy on us and now he’s up and gone.” Julie sighed.  This was getting heavy and messy.   “And Molly and Ivan were talking yesterday about how they’ve been having trouble with bills and not enough customers.”

 

She ran a hand through her hair and passed him a look.  Their bad business would be bad for her.  She barely made it by, never made a profit, but was able to keep everything going because of her writing.  But if things would tank, if the whole little building they were in went under, she’d have to figure something out.  This wasn’t supposed to be part of the bargain when she bought the shop.  It was supposed to be pretty easy.  And most of the time it was.

 

It wasn’t supposed to be stressful and she knew that was a naive way to think.  It was supposed to be fun.  And it was fun.  But this was worrying.  “Shit Mark, don’t freak me out.”

 

“Well I know my business is doing fine.  We aren’t going anywhere soon.  I keep half of Walterville alive while the other half go to Starbucks.”

 

Justin was still smiling and laughing as Chris was telling him some story and showing him some of the equipment behind the counter.  Julie sucked in her bottom lip and then looked back at Mark.  “I know he’s been only training for a few hours, but maybe Mr. Business degree has some ideas.”  Mark turned and looked at Justin, as if he were contemplating the idea in his mind.  Julie wondered if maybe she shouldn’t have said that.  It could be awkward for everyone, pulling in a new guy so suddenly.  Their meetings were for owners, not managers.  But most of them were owners and managers.  So she turned the subject back around.  “I can’t believe Donnie’s leaving.”

 

“Yeah, he’s selling his entire inventory today for half off and then selling equipment and wants to be gone by next Friday.”  Mark paused only a moment and then said, “Hey Justin, come here for a second, will ya?”

 

He looked at them and then maneuvered his way around the counter to where they were standing in the center front of the shop.  Julie shifted to move their pow-wow over a little bit.  They were beginning to block traffic in and out of the door. 

 

“What’s up?” he asked, hands in pockets, looking at both of them.

 

Mark asked, “Would you be up for doing to a meeting with me and Julie at 1?  It’s this little association thing that all the businesses here in the building go to once a month.  There’s some drama going on that you should probably be aware of.”

 

He shrugged, “Yeah sure.”

 

Julie sighed and picked up the drinks she had left on the table.  “Y’all, I gotta get these drinks to my girls or they’ll be mad.  I’ll meet you at 12:45 in the parking lot and we can walk over.  It’s at the Flower Pot this time, right?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“See y’all then.”

 

 

The back room of the Flower Pot was reserved for them and they all sat around the table waiting for everyone to show up.  Barbara was staring at Justin, smiling just slightly.  Ivan and Molly looked like they didn’t have time for this, checking their watches and talking to each other in a hushed and annoyed tones, and Julie just scribbled on her small yellow pad as Mark and Justin chatted.  A few minutes after one, Carl walked in, briefcase in hand, saying a soft apology for being late.

 

Mark began, “Alright everyone, anyone heard from Mr. Strickland?”

 

Barbara crossed her arms over her  red polka dotted shirt.  “He ain’t coming.  He’s been to one of these things in the past two years.  He’ll just wait for the minutes from Julie and then complain that there are too many college kids around.”

 

“So everyone knows about Donnie right?” Everyone in the group nodded.   “Barb, did you get any more information from him?”

 

She got a mischievous look in her eyes that were made up with heavy eye makeup. “He’s not selling the business.  He’s shutting down and moving to Billings.  I don’t know what’s going on.  But I think Billings is a sham.  I think he hasn’t paid taxes and he’s leaving the country.”

 

“Barb, you don’t know that and let’s not spread so much gossip all the damn time.  Did he mention if he had any buyers?”Julie bit her lip so she wouldn’t smile when Mark got all bossy on Barbara.  She glanced at Justin.  She could see him trying to take in the situation, figure people out, looking around and trying to remember faces and personalities.  And she knew people were staring at him, wondering who he was and what he was doing here.  It could be an awkward situation for him, but he seemed cool, calm and at ease about being in a new crowd. 

 

“He said that Ink Blot was looking for a new location.”

 

“Mr. Strickland would flip,” Ivan said.

 

Mark laughed a little and put his hands up, “Ok, before we all go into wild hysterics, this is Justin Carroll.  He’s my new manager.  I know this is usually just for owners, but I wanted you guys to meet him.  Plus, he may have some ideas that we’ve never thought about.”  Justin’s smile was comforting, but confident.  “So why don’t we go around and introduce ourselves. You know Julie Hancock with Reader’s Corner,” she stuck her tongue out at him and he playfully nudged her arm with his elbow.  “And you know me…”

 

They went around the table with introductions.  Barbara smiled and gently touched her fingertips to her bursting cleavage.  “I’m Barbara Mikels and I own Betty’s Closet.”

 

The man who looked like he was trying to be Mr. Clean with is black pants, tight shirt and shiny bald head said, “I’m Ivan and this is my wife Molly.  We own the Salon.”

 

Carl was sitting beside Justin and extended his hand.  “Shouto Nakano.  You may call me Carl. I teach karate classes in the space between Julie and Mark’s.

 

When the introductions were finished, Mark said, “And Donnie Blackenship owned Flowers First, but apparently not anymore.  Mr. Strickland runs the apartments, but he never comes to these meetings.  He’s also old and crotchety and none of us like him and Julie don’t write that down.”

 

Julie laughed and drew a smiley face beside her note that said, “Introductions.”

 

Justin nodded to everyone and said, “Nice to meet you all.”

 

“So, does anyone else have anything to talk about on Donnie?  Barbs told us all she knows and then some, so I think at this point we should move on.  If we find out more later, I’m sure we’ll all hear about it sooner or later.  Anything new anyone wants to share?”

 

Carl cleared his throat and said, “I have something exciting. You guys know I rent my space from Mr. Strickland.”

 

Julie leaned towards Justin a little and mumbled, “The rest of us own our properties, but Mr. Strickland is holding onto the space where Carl teaches Karate and the vacant one in front of the apartments.”

 

“Well, I talked with him and he’s letting me sub-lease my space during the day.  You guys know during the day I’m not really able to give lessons…”

 

She mumbled again, “He teaches Japanese language and culture at State.”

 

“…so I’ve been looking around at leasing my space during the day.  Mr. Strickland fought this, but I found someone he really likes.  He has a long standing tenant in his apartments named Kay Garrett who teaches yoga and she usually goes to gyms and churches to teach her classes.   She has become so popular she wants to teach in her own studio.  I’m going to let her lease my space during the day.  She already has a pretty solid schedule and you can expect her there every day but Sunday and Monday.”

 

“That’s awesome,” Molly said. “I love yoga!”

 

Justin nodded and agreed, “Yeah, people who do yoga during the day hours often have expendable income—they are the people who’ll come in after and grab some coffee, or may get their hair done…” He looked at Ivan and Molly when he said it and then moved his eyes and smiled at Barbara who blushed in return “…or some shopping even.  Do you guys do anything to piggy back off each other’s customers?”

 

Ivan said, “Like…”

 

“Like, I don’t know,” Julie watched him.  He became excited, spoke with his hands.  It was like the other night on his deck.  He was getting into something, happy to be talking, ideas coming to his mind.  “Discount days or something.  Like show your receipt for Readers Corner at Java and get 20% off your purchase.”  He was good at this.  He made what he said seem easy, but exciting.  She looked over at Mark who was grinning at her.  Yeah, she had done good helping him with this job.  “Or I don’t know, you teach Karate, Carl—what age range?”

 

“Mostly kids.”

 

Justin looked around at the blank stares looking back at him.  Only Julie and Mark were grinning, “So what do the parents do when the kids are at practice?  Go home, wait in their cars?  We should encourage them to patron our businesses while they wait.”

 

Barbara said, “I wonder if Mr. Strickland would let us spruce up the patio?”  She smiled again at Justin and winked.  “That’s the area with tables outside of Mark’s.  I’ve been saying for years that a few plants with flowers would make all the difference.”

 

Julie piped in, “Ya know what would be awesome, if we could get an ice cream shop to go in one of the vacant spaces.”

 

Molly laughed, “You just want ice cream, Julie.”

 

“So yes, there are personal reasons…”  She laughed and they chuckled with her.  “But, think about it guys, where’s a good place around here to get ice cream or frozen yogurt?  College kids would eat that stuff up!”

 

“You mean you’d eat it up,” Justin said and she glared. 

 

“Think about it guys, if our shops are busy then that makes Mr. Strickland’s apartments look more attractive.  I really don’t think a lot of people live there now.  The parking lot out back for tenants is never full, and I don’t see people going in and out that often.  If he can be on our side with this, then I think we can do some good for all of us.”

 

Barbara smiled and batted her eyes, “Justin, you are just inspiring all new kinds of ideas.”

 

“Well thanks,” he scratched the back of his neck and chuckled.  “I know all of you are probably very busy, so I wouldn’t mind putting together a proposal.  When Jules sends out the minutes, we can add any more of our ideas.”

 

For a moment, Julie was afraid that he was going on too much, taking too much charge.  Ivan seemed pissy, but as soon as Justin mentioned everyone else’s busy schedule and that he’d do the work, everyone was nodding, smiling.

 

When the meeting was over, everyone wanted to talk to him, shake his hand and welcome him.  Julie decided to grab herself a to-go sandwich from the counter while Justin talked with everyone.  But she didn’t have to wait long.  He made some excuse to leave, and everyone else started moving that way as well.  Mark stayed behind to talk to Carl about some things, so Justin and Julie walked the two blocks back to the shopping center together.

 

Julie nudged him with her elbow, swinging her bag of food in the air beside her, “You’re very impressive.”

 

“Oh, I just have a lot of business ideas—most of them are simple.  I just need something healthy to obsess over.  I wasn’t too over bearing, was I?

 

Julie shook her head no and said, “But Barb’s is so in love with you. She’s a helpless flirt, so watch out.”

 

“Just my style.”  He smiled.  “So Mr. Strickland, what’s his story?”

 

“He owns half of Walterville.  But he’s kind of a mean old man.  He’s very set in his ways and not open to new ideas unless he is convinced they will make him money.  He gets pissy at us because he says all we do is bring heathen college kids to the place. Who do you expect is going to patron a place right across from a major university?”

 

“I need to meet him.  Maybe if he can believe this revitalization project is his idea, he’ll help us out.

 

“Revitalization?”

 

Justin eyed her, “Yeah, you might want to hire me as a consultant because, uh, your store needs a face lift as well.”

 

“My store is just fine, thank you.”

 

“Don’t get defensive.  It’s just…frumpy.”

 

Julie shook her head and pointed at him.  “You’re on day one of training, hold your horses.  People like dusty old book stores.”

 

“Well, if you ever want advice or tips from an expert, let me know.”

 

“Expert?” She laughed at him.  “Right, sure!  Mr. Wendy’s, can I have fries with that?”  He stuck his tongue out at her playfully and they continued their walk.  Julie was looking forward to her sandwich.  She wasn’t a vegetarian by any means, but the Flower Pot had the best veggie sandwich in the world and she was starving.  She then began to think about the possibly of an ice cream shop just around the corner.   She pouted a little and looked up at him, “I’m going to be so fat if there is an ice cream shop nearby.”

 

“Yeah right. You work out!”

 

She narrowed her eyes a little. “How do you know?”

 

He eyed her cautiously and put his hands up defensively before he said anything, “A girl with your hips can only get a waist that tiny by working out.”

 

She looked away.  It was a compliment that she would take and not make too much of a big deal about.  It meant he had checked her out, but they were friends now and they could mention this type of thing without it meaning anything.   “I just have good genes.  And I’m obsessed with my elliptical. I usually find a TV show that I can binge watch on Netflix and work out and just roll with it.  Right now I’m on LOST. I can’t believe I didn’t watch this when it was on.”          

 

“What season are you on?” he asked.

 

“Near the end of season two.”

 

“Well, I really liked it.  But beware that it turns into a Sci-Fi show.”

 

Julie smiled, “I can handle that.  I love stuff like that.”

 

“Really?”

 

She nodded and widened her eyes, “Yeah. I’m a total Star Wars nerd.”

 

“Me too!”  They were at a cross walk so he put up his hand and she smacked it in a high five while they waited for traffic to stop.  “Do you watch Trek?”

 

She grinned at him.  “Star Trek? Yeah, I mean I’ve watched it.  The new movies are cool.  I watched Next Generation back when I was little, but I’m not all into everything.”  He was blushing just slightly and she asked with a laugh.  “You are, aren’t you?”

 

He said quietly, “I really like the old ones.”

 

“You like them all, you space nerd!”  She laughed at him and he pushed at her shoulder a little bit.

 

“You’re one to talk.”

 

At that point they were back in front of the coffee shop, and Julie pointed into the corner where her shop was, “I should get back to it.  My girls are doing inventory, so who knows what’s going on in there.”

 

He laughed a little and then asked, “Alright, see you later?” 

 

“Sure.”

 

Both of them smiled at each other before parting.  It was fun, this friendship.  And she was proud of him and a little surprised.  She wasn’t expecting him to be such a commanding presence in that group.  She had gathered from their few conversations that John was much more outgoing and Justin was much more of someone to just sit in the background.   But she was wrong.  This was a side of him that maybe people didn’t know about, this commanding, excited, confident business savvy side.  Maybe she was just getting ahead of herself because it had been one day since they had had lunch and one day since he had gotten this job.  But nevertheless she was excited for him, excited for their little shops and excited that they were friends.

 

 

 

Julie rang the doorbell and reapplied her chap stick.  It was her second time at this place and she laughed at herself for being so freaked out the last time they were here.  It’s amazing what a week would do.  It had been one week, just one simple week and so much had occurred.  She wouldn’t say this out loud to anyone but she really thought that her life had changed.  Last week she was going down a path, a path of destruction.  Well maybe not destruction, but she was getting deeper into the lonely, closed off world that she was molding around her and now, now with a friend, things were different.  Things were awesome.          

 

And the best part about it all was that she was about to watch a baseball game and have a home cooked meal with that friend.  It was going to be fun, actual fun with another human being who wasn’t an employee or her dad.  Blake barely had time to respond to her text messages, let alone phone calls.  He was apologetic of course, but she didn’t want him to feel guilty for having a boyfriend and having little free time.  She was happy for him.

 

She pulled off her St. Louis hat to resituate it with her ponytail through the hole in the back and waited for him to answer the door.

 

The morning before, she had walked into the coffee shop and immediately smiled when she saw him there, leaning against the counter, relaxed.  He looked like he had always belonged there.  He was already comfortable, chatting with staff and regulars like he had known them forever.  When he focused on her, he smiled back at her and she said, “Morning early bird.”         

 

“Good morning, your usual?”

 

She had put her hand on her hip and tilted her head at him, “How do you know my usual? And what are you doing behind the register?”

 

“I want to know every facet so I’m spending the day learning how to barista and take orders. It’ll also help when we get in rushes in the morning for me to come out here and make sure no one’s waiting too long.”

 

“And how do you know my usual?”

 

He nodded over to the girl that was handing someone else their finished order. “Rayann taught me. English Breakfast to go every day for free, but a cappuccino for here that you pay for on Fridays.”

 

Julie waved at her when she came over, “Hey girl.”

 

“Hey darlin’.” Rayann hooked her arm with Justin’s.  “I’m so glad I have such a sexy boss.”

 

“Switching teams, eh?” Julie smiled and Rayann just winked at her.  Rayann was a cool girl, and her and Julie had actually partied a few times together when she had gone to gay bars with Blake.  Her appearance was a little off putting and scary, but she was the kindest person you’d ever meet and so much fun to dance with.

 

“Am I gonna have to go over the harassment policy with you again?” Justin laughed.

 

“Have you taught him how to make cappuccinos, yet?  ‘Cause you know you make the best.  I love Chris and all but the guy needs better skills.”

 

Rayann pulled away from him and pulled the carafe of cream from the far side of the counter where all the other coffee add-ons were, “I’m working my way up with him.  He just learned how to use the coffee machine and the hot water lever.”  She laughed as she pulled a large carton of cream from a small fridge they had below the counter and began to refill the carafe.

 

Justin asked her, “But espresso pulls are next right?”

 

 

“If you think you’re ready.” She pushed the cream container at Justin and grumbled to him when a man in a suit walked through the door, “Oh let me get him, he’s complicated.”

 

Julie walked over to the far end of the counter to wait and not take up space.  She watched as Justin finished refilling the cream and then moved to put some tea in a filter and filled up a to-go cup of hot water.  “So what are you doing tomorrow?” he asked her over his shoulder.

 

“I dunno, why?”

 

“Wanna come over and watch the game with me?”  He wiggled his eyebrows at her and handed her her tea.

 

“Starts at 7?”

 

“Yeah.  I’ll make us dinner and we can just chill out and you can cry because my team is going to slaughter yours.”

 

They had both laughed.  He was always making her laugh now.  It felt good.  She hadn’t laughed this much in a while.   Things were easy with them, so damn easy and natural.  They didn’t flirt, joked around sure, but it was like old buddies, like they had known each other forever.  There was a comfort with him she had never really felt with a guy before, not a single, straight guy.  It felt really nice.

 

But now, in this moment, when the front door swung open, she wasn’t met with a hearty male laugh or a dig about her team, instead a confused looking Nik was there.   Julie smiled at her and she wondered if her and John were going to hang with them.  “Hey…”

 

“Um, hey…”  Nik’s eyebrows were furrowed.  “What are you doing here?”

 

Julie walked past her and put her keys on a table that was by the door.  “I’m going to watch a ballgame with Justin. Y’all gonna watch with us?”

 

“No, we were going to go out.”  Nik had her hand on her hip and was eyeing Julie.

 

“Oh ok. Cool.”

 

Nik continued to just stare at her boss.   They hadn’t moved from the foyer.  Nik’s mouth opened, then shut and finally she said slowly, “So, you’re gonna be here alone with Justin?”  A smile slowly crept onto her face and then she nudged her boss in the shoulder, “I’m so proud of you.”

 

Julie was checking her phone and shook her head for a moment, before leaning over to put her phone by her keys.  She was now wishing it had been Justin who had opened the door and greeted her, and not an interrogation party. “What are you talking about?  Where is he?”

 

“John’s on the phone in the kitchen.  Justin’s taking a shower, I think.  You look pretty.”

 

Julie looked down at her sneakers, cropped yoga pants and her extra long Red Cardinals tank top.  “What? Really?”  Was Nik crazy?  She had on a hat!

 

“You got pretty for him.”

 

Julie laughed loudly, “I absolutely did not.  I’m in stretch pants, Nik!”

 

“Guys like that comfy look.”  Nik shrugged a little.

 

Julie rolled her eyes. “Right, and that’s exactly what I was thinking about when I put it on. What kind of slob clothing would make him want me?”

 

“Who wants who?”  They both looked over and John was smiling at them walking from the kitchen.

 

“Nothing.  Your girl is just being mean.”

 

John hooked an arm around Nik’s waist, biting his lip at her before turning to Julie, “I’m glad you’re watching this with him, ‘cause I’ve got better plans tonight.”

 

“Where y’all going?”

 

“It’s a surprise.”

 

Julie nodded.  She really was happy for them.  It had only really been a week for them, but they had spent quite some time together and Nik was blissfully happy.  They made a nice pair. 

 

Heavy quick steps were on the stairs and she turned to see him padding down the steps with busted and ratty old khaki shorts, bare feet and a navy t shirt hanging over his bare shoulder.  His hair still looked a little damp and he was beaming at her.   She thought about making a working out comment to him since he had made one about her body the other day walking back from the association meeting, but she just knew Nik and John would eat it up and never let it go.  So she didn’t look at the muscle in his chest and arms or his own narrow waist and just waved at him.  

 

“Hey.”

 

He lifted his hand to give her a high five and she smacked it with his.

 

“You ready to get your chop on?”  She asked, then mocked seriousness. “We’re going to slaughter, y’all”

 

“Red Birds don’t stand a chance, my friend.”  He pulled the shirt over his head. She made at face at him and followed him towards the kitchen.

 

“Hey…”  John called out, front door open, Nik swinging her small purse beside her.  Julie turned around, she had kind of forgotten they were there.  “We may or may not be back tonight.  Want me to text you?”

 

“Whatever, it’s just Jules.”  Justin shrugged.  The brothers smiled at each other and then the door shut as they left.

 

Julie watched as he fiddled with his phone, putting some music on.  He put on a Buddy Holly Pandora station and she asked him as he was fumbling with the sound, “Did you make a food decision?  I’m hungry.”

 

He leaned against the kitchen island, “I thought we’d make a pizza.”

 

“Make one?”

 

He opened the fridge, bent over and pulled out a plastic wrapped soft ball of creamy colored dough.  He sat it on the counter. “Yeah, I made dough last night.” He went back to the fridge and looked over at her.  “Are you good with beer, or do you want me to run to the store?”

 

“Sure.” He pulled them out each a Fat Tire and opened it for them with the bottle key.  They sipped and stared at each other.  Julie smiled at him, “Do you mind if we make it now, I’m starving—or do you have snacks?  I’m just all around thinking about food right now”

 

“Girl, I got it all.  What you want?  We could just go ahead and make it. You like sausage and peppers?”

 

“Sounds amazing.”  He gave her two thumbs up and started pulling items out of the fridge and off the counter.  An unlabeled mason jar of tomato sauce, cheese, some sausage, pepper and garlic from a little basket on the kitchen island.  She just watched him work.  He prepped everything, portioning it all like he was a pro.  It was kind of entertaining to watch.  “So,”  she said after a few minutes of silence.  “I was thinking.  Tonight is the opening night for the Rats.”

 

“Oh cool.”  He nodded at her.

 

She chewed on her bottom lip and when he looked up at her, she said, “You wanna go tomorrow?  Game starts at 7.  I mean, we don’t have to.  I know we’re hanging out tonight and you’ll be tired of me by then.  But, I’m probably gonna go no matter what.”

 

“That sounds awesome.”  He threw some flour on the counter and then began to roll out the dough.  He was getting it on his faded Braves tee shirt, but he didn’t seem to mind. 

 

“We could ask Nik and John to come, but Nik doesn’t really like sports so…”

 

“Screw them.  Let’s go.”  He shrugged.  “There’s nothing better than seeing a game live.  Even if it’s a River Rat….”

 

“What can I help you do?”

 

He nodded to the fridge.  “You wanna make us a salad?”

 

“I think I can handle that.”

 

“Just raid what you want in the fridge.”

 

She walked over, there was a bag of lettuce in there and a cucumber, so she pulled that out and figured she’d add some of his pepper.  “So when did you get into cooking?”

 

“Recently, actually.  I cooked all the time for dad when he was sick and just kind of learned how to make stuff.  It was something to do while I was stuck at home with him, ya know?  I could read and study recipes and try them out, so it was a good way to pass the time.  Do you cook?”  He had already pulled her out a bowl, a knife and a cutting board. 

 

“Sometimes.  I like to bake cookies.  But like, I've never made my own pizza dough or ground my own burger meat.  I love food, but I love it most when someone makes it for me.”

 

They chopped for a minute, just listening to some old 50s music.  She bopped her head along and swayed her hips a little to “Do You Love Me” by the Contours.  It was hard for her not to dance when a good song was on and she wasn’t embarrassed to make a fool of herself in front of him.  It didn’t take long before she had her salad done and he was busy assembling the pizza onto a baking sheet, sausage sizzling in a pan.  “Do me a favor and grab some basil off the patio?”

 

She smiled and walked towards the patio seeing multiple little terracotta pots with green plants in them, “Oh my god, you are a nerd with an herb garden.  I love it.”

 

The patio looked a little better in the week since she’d been there.  They had done some work on it, with herbs in little pots and they had put a table with an umbrella out there with actual chairs.  The camping chairs were gone and the grill had a cover of it.

 

When she came back in and handed him the basil leaves, he said to her, “I met Mr. Strickland yesterday.”

 

“What?”  She stopped smelling the basil scent left over on her hands and just stared at him.

 

He shrugged. “Yeah, I went over there during my lunch break.  I was just going to introduce myself to the staff at the front desk and he was there.”

 

“He was there?”  She was still shocked.  She hadn’t seen the old grump in several months.

 

“Yeah.  He was nice.”  Justin said simply.  “I mean yes, old and grumpy.  But he was nice.”

 

“He hates me.”  Julie groaned and finished off the last of her beer.

 

Justin laughed at her.  “No he doesn’t.”

 

“Whenever I see him, like the few times, he just grumbles hello.”

 

“Well I told him to be on the lookout for the notes from the meeting.”

 

She groaned again.  Great, now she had homework with a due date.  “Yeah, I gotta get that all together this weekend.  I’ll send it to you first, since you are spearheading our revitalization project.  Trying to impress everyone the first week.”  He laughed at her and shrugged sheepishly.

 

They talked mildly for a while about the stores and about his ideas and before they knew it, the game was on, they were both draped over their own couch.  He had his paper plate resting on his chest, pizza in his mouth.  She had her’s in her lap, sitting Indian style.   She had been so hungry, they had eaten their salad at the barstools by the kitchen island while they waited for the pizza to cook.

 

He asked with a mouth full of food, “Like it?”

 

“It's amazing.”  She sipped her beer.  “So who's your favorite Braves player?”

 

“Freddy's my man.”

 

“Freeman?”

 

“Yeah, he's a nerd.”  He stuck his tongue out at her. “Like you.”

 

She rolled her eyes, “So you've always liked baseball?”

 

“Oh yeah.  But last year dad and I watched every Braves game so I kind of feel like I have to carry on the tradition as much as possible.”

 

“So he was sick all last season?”  She didn’t want to pry, but wanted to talk to him about this.  He seemed to carry this weight on him still, and maybe conversation about his dad was something that could help him shrug that weight off.  And she was really curious about the situation, too.  She also felt like they knew each other decently enough now, after only two measly days, that if he was uncomfortable talking about it, he’d say so.

 

“Yeah.  We knew he was terminal, ok let me think…”  He pushed himself up from his laying position and sat up more against the arm rest of the couch, staring up at the ceiling, thinking.  “He got diagnosed before Christmas in ‘12, did chemo and all that.  Yeah, ok, so it was about May, so a year ago when we found out that he probably wouldn't survive. Expectancy was 6 months, and he went about 9.”

 

“What kind of cancer did he have?”

 

“Pancreatic.”

 

Julie put her slice down on her plate. “Oh...”

 

He looked over at her.  “Yeah, the death sentence kind.” 

 

“That must have been hard.”

 

“All of us were kind of in shock, did the macho, we're gonna fight and beat this thing and kind of hid how scared we were.  Ya know, it was just us guys.  Dad did treatments and everything.  We were supportive.  I quit school to help him out, and then one day, he came back from a doctor's appointment and told us that the doctor said his pancreas was completely malignant and that it was spreading to the stomach and intestines.”

 

Julie watched the TV, afraid that if she looked at him he’d start crying, or she would, or something else awkward would happen.  But she was listening to every word he said.  “Oh my God.”

 

“Yeah.  Ya know when people say 'the cancer just ate him up' that's like exactly what happened.  There was no chopping off this or removing that and getting on with your life.  It wasn't pretty.”

 

Suddenly her team made a sweet double play and she couldn’t help herself but saying, “ooo! Nice!”  Immediately, she glanced over and he was just staring at her.  She felt horrible for her outburst. “Sorry, that was rude.”

 

“It's alright, we'll get you guys back.  We'll show you birds what rude means.”

 

“No,” she laughed. “I’m talking about interrupting you talking about your dad to cheer for my team.”

 

“It's ok.  I know you don't want to talk about this.”  He looked back at the TV.  He had said it slowly and softly.

 

“I do!  I will even turn the TV off if you need me to.”  She pretended to reach for the remote.

 

He still sounded a little off when he said, “No we can watch.”

 

It was quiet for a moment, and they just watched the game.  A boring half inning of ground outs and pop ups passed and she knew that she needed to get him back talking.  Talking about it seemed to be like therapy for him, and she didn’t want him thinking she didn’t care, when in reality she cared a lot.  It was interesting, to be honest, to watch him go through the motions of grief.  She was amazed by how he held it together, how open he was with it.  She knew everyone handled these things differently, but to be honest, his handling of it was in some weird way comforting and graceful.  She had no idea what he had done when it had happened.  He could have broken down and slobbered and sobbed all over the world.  She wouldn’t have blamed him. 

 

“Was it like more shocking that he had cancer or more that he wouldn't make it?”  She asked when a Stand Up For Cancer commercial came on the TV.

 

He sucked in a breath and pulled another piece over to his plate from the baking sheet they had put on a trivet on the middle of the big coffee table. “I knew as soon a he called last spring and said he wanted to talk to me and John what was happening.  I just had this feeling.  John was an ass.  I mean, I shouldn't say that.  John just doesn't know how to be emotional.  So he finds out that its terminal and won't accept it.  He tells dad to fight, to find a new doctor. He stormed out even.”

 

“Yikes.”  For a moment, Julie worried about Nik.  This guy seemed to be a little bit of a hot head.

 

“Dad didn't mind.  In a way, it was John's way of telling dad how much it mattered.  I got angry sometimes, too.  Sometimes dad and I would get in the biggest fights.  Then he'd like pass out or start choking and I'd feel bad.  Our fights would be about stupid shit like me forgetting to take the trash out or not coming immediately when he yelled for me because he dropped the remote or something.  We never stayed mad more than a minute and we’d always laugh afterwards.  But John has never really seemed to forgive dad.”

 

“For what?”

 

He shrugged, “Giving up.”

 

“That's what he thinks happened?”

 

“Yeah.  It was easier for him to blame dad for letting cancer happen to him than blaming cancer, or God, or whatever for doing this to our dad.”

 

“And who do you blame?”  It came out of her mouth automatically, and she knew it wasn’t something she should ask.  She immediately said,   “Sorry...that's not what I mean to ask.”

 

“No.  You're right.  I do blame someone.  I guess...”  He seemed quiet but angry and wasn’t eating his pizza, just staring at TV, not blinking.  She needed to lighten it up.    

 

She saw the commercial on the TV and said, “You know who I blame?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“I blame Axe body spray for everything wrong with the world.” He was giving her a goofy grin now.  “I have yet to meet a woman who thinks Axe smells good.”

 

“That's what I wear.”

 

“You do not.” She demanded and then asked quietly, “Do you really?”

 

“Hell no.  I’m not 16,” he laughed and took a huge bite out of his pizza. She grinned, good, he was back from the brink.

 

“What do you wear?”

 

“I don’t know.  It was my dad’s.”  He swallowed and cut his eyes over to her.  “That's weird, isn’t it?”  She didn’t know how to comment and he started laughing at himself, “Oh my god, I'm wearing my dead dad's cologne.”

 

“I think it smells nice.  And it's only slightly weird.  Just don't start wearing his clothes.”  He just stared at her blankly and Julie covered her mouth, stifling a lap.  “You wear his clothes, too?”

 

“He lost like 30 pounds in 3 months!  He had all these nice shirts he couldn’t wear anymore so he gave me all his clothes!” He said defensively.

 

“This is like the start of either a really, really sad cable movie or a horror film.”

 

 “Bam, strike three you're out Molina,” he yelled and Julie shook her head and finished her beer.

 

“Yadi!!”  She whined and then pointed her empty beer bottle at him.  “Another?”

 

“Sure, thanks girl.”  She walked around the back of his couch and grabbed the empty bottle from his outreached hand.  

 

She put the bottles on the counter and went to the fridge, calling out to him, “I'm not going to say your dad's clothes are ugly, ‘cause they aren’t.  But maybe when you get your first paycheck, go buy yourself some of your own clothes.”

 

“Maybe,” he said.

 

She walked back into the den with their beers and he reached out for his.  She didn’t give it yet and said to him seriously, “I only say this because we're friends.  One day, a pretty girl is going to say, ‘Hey Justin, you're cute.  I like your shirt and the way you smell.  What kind of cologne do you wear?  Where did you get your shirt? It looks nice on you.’  As soon as you say 'from my dead dad' you will be by yourself, all alone.”

 

“Maybe she'll take pity on me and comfort me, unlike some other people.”

 

She glared and finally handed him his beer. “You just need some of your own belongings.”

 

“Why?”

 

She shrugged and plopped back down on her couch.  “You wear your dad's clothes, you drive your dad's car, you live in your brother's house.”

 

“Well, I was thinking...”

 

“What?”

 

“I love my pick-up, so that ain't going nowhere.”

 

She smiled at him.  She liked his truck, too.  She had seen it in the parking lot at work.  It was bright red, just a small Ford pick-up, but it was cute and perfectly fit his personality.  This morning, in fact, they had arrived about the same time to work.  He was sitting in it, talking on the phone and he looked good.  He honked his horn at her and it about made her pee her pants, but when she saw it was him she laughed and waved.  “Good, because I may need to buy a washer and dryer and may need you to be my delivery man.”

 

He rolled his eyes and said, “What I was saying is if things work out with the coffee shop, maybe I'll look for my own place.  I mean, I'm not currently paying rent.  It's not like it would put John out.    And I don't really want to own my own place quite yet, but just maybe getting an apartment or something.”

 

“Rooming with big bro ain't all it's cracked up to be, huh?”

 

“It's fine.  It's just like, him and Nik are here all the time and now that Calvin's gone, it's just...I can tell we may get in some arguments.  And I’m sorry, but your employee comes like a fucking freight train.  His bedroom is right below mine and it’s annoying to hear it.”

 

Her eyes widened, “Whoa!”

 

“Maybe I can move in with you.” He grinned.

 

“Hell to the no.  I do not need a roommate.”

 

“Personal cook?”

 

That actually might be awesome, she thought.  But she laughed and said, “Well...no, I'll help you find a place.”

 

“Maybe the apartments Mr. Str-”

 

She cut him off.  “No.  Do not live there.  You can find a nice little bungalow apartment home perfect for a bachelor in my neighborhood.”

 

“Where do you live?”

 

“In the neighborhood behind the shop.  Kilbourne Heights. A lot of professors live back there.  Lots of neat small homes.”

 

“I figured you'd be in a mansion.”

 

“Nah, it's pretty big just for me, but I'm not fancy.”

 

He laughed at her and said, “Drives a Beemer, but wears mismatched socks.”

 

She looked down at her feet.  She had put on one white sock and another grey one.  She hadn’t even noticed.  She laughed at herself and then wiggled her eyebrows and feet at him, “Sexy, huh?”

 

He shook his head and took a long swallow from his beer.  “You have no idea.”  She looked back at the TV so she wouldn’t catch herself staring at his goofy smile. 

 

 

 

It was an awesomely warm May Saturday.  There was just the slightest breeze and it was the perfect weather for shorts and a shirt, not too hot.  You didn’t sweat like an animal, but you were never cold.  He was actually not expecting much out of this River Rat’s stadium. He was imaging a little league park with metal bleachers and a mom selling cans of Pepsi and homemade brownies.  But instead, this was actually a decent stadium, it was beautiful, actually, with a field and pine trees around it, and looked fairly new.  It was in the middle of nowhere, but there was a buzz around the stadium, lots of families hanging out, kids with gloves, everyone in a baseball hat.  The smell of grilled foods from people tailgating in the parking lot, which was nothing more than a field with wood stakes and orange tape, mixed with the smell of fried foods wafting around the concourse.  Everyone was smiling.

 

“This is a nice stadium…”

           

She laughed, looking adorable in her red Cardinals hat.  “Yeah, it’s fun.  Wait ‘til you see a giant rat riding around the stadium in a 4 wheeler.  It’s so awesomely bad and red neck.”

           

“I love it.”  He laughed and readjusted his own hat.  After they had given their tickets and gotten a program she said, “You wanna get a beer and some peanuts? Or are you more of an ice cream in a batting helmet kind of guy”

           

“Peanuts, for sure…”

           

They grabbed their food and found their seats, she got them just left of behind home plate.  They were pretty good seats.  The stadium wasn’t full but there were a fair amount of people there.

           

They did laugh for a while watching the Rat Mascot come out on his four-wheeler, whiskers on his face, shades over his eyes. Honestly, the thing was kind of bad ass as he had a little ramp he jumped off.  And suddenly, Justin realized he was having a great time.  He had had an awesome time the night before, too.  They had just chatted, some about his dad, but then they ended up just watching the game.  It was silent a lot, but never awkward.  It was great game, too.  Came down to the wire.  She was so into it, knew stats, knew players.  It really was like being with Bill or his dad again watching a game.  But it was different too, cause this was a girl, and she was adorable and sexy, rooting for her team, shaking her fist, cheering silently when they did something great and then yelling “come on…” when they did something bad.  But he was proud of himself, he hadn’t been flirty and he hadn’t pried.  They had just been buddies.  But she hadn’t opened up too much to him and he was hoping tonight he would learn a little bit more about her.

           

“This kid here is supposed to be good,” she said, cracking open a peanut shell.  “I think he’s supposed to be pulled up to the big leagues soon. Especially ‘cause they don’t know how long Cobb’s gonna be out with his injury.”

           

“I still can’t believe Molina hit that walk off last night.  A freaking 0-2 count and he blasts one off Kimbrel.”

 

“He’s my man.”

 

He eyed her and blindly worked on getting peanuts out of their shells. “You like him?”

 

She eyed him back, “I think he’s adorable, despite his horrific neck tattoo.  He’s probably my favorite player.”

 

“Adorable…you think Yadier Molina is adorable?”  He laughed.

 

“Is that so bad?”

 

“No, just funny.  Do you like…like him?”  He winked at her and laughed.

 

“No!”  She shook her head and had a bright, beautiful smile on her face, but then it faded and he watched her eyes widened and she pulled down the bill of her hat mumbling, “Oh my God…”

 

He turned to see what she was looking at, but didn’t see anything weird.  “What?”  Some dude with his family was walking along the row in front of them, that was it. There was an overweight guy with a mullet and a tie-die shirt 10 seats down from them, but that was pretty normal in the South.  There was always at least one in every crowd.

 

“Just…shit,” she grumbled and seemed to sink further down in her chair.  The guy and his family stopped right in front of them and Justin looked in between the guy and Julie.

 

“Hey Julie,” he said.

 

“Hey Ben,” Julie was forcing a smile.

 

“You know Steph and my son Jacob.”  The wife was blonde and a little overweight but pretty, and the son was cute with his glove on his hand and a hat that looked way too big on his head.

 

Any mood that Julie was in before disappeared and she looked utterly carefree and happy to see them, sitting straight in her chair, her hat tugged into a more normal place on her head, “Hey guys, here enjoying a game?”

 

“You know it.  It’s good to see you…”

 

“You, too.” They waved and kept walking, finding their seats about 20 seats and 2 rows down.   “Oh my God,” she groaned, eyeing them still.

 

“What?”

 

“That was my first boyfriend,” she said.

 

He nodded.  This was interesting.  So she had at one point in her life dated, this wasn’t some lifelong situation she had going on. Maybe tonight, with a little helpless prying and pointed questions, he’d start learning about her. “So you have had a boyfriend?”

 

“Yup.”

 

“Interesting.  Are you like sad and jealous that he’s here with his family?”

 

Her voice lowered and she widened her eyes, “Hell no.  I can’t believe that woman let him procreate with her.  He’s one of the reasons I’m not into…things.”

 

He turned to her a little in his seat, “Really?  Ok, this is interesting.  Do go on…”

 

“Let’s just watch the game.”  She pointed to the field.

 

He crossed his ankle over his knee and said flatly, “I can watch and talk at the same time.  So one of the reasons you are so hard to get is because of that guy and his lack of pleasing abilities.  Is he the only guy?”

 

She sighed and looked at him under the rim of her hat, “It’ll make things a lot easier if I just tell you, huh?”

 

“You look like you want to tell me.”  He shrugged.

 

He watched her inhale deeply and then exhale for a few seconds.  Once she started talking, though, it was hard to get her to stop. It was like it had been pent up for a while and she was ready to blurt it out.  “I’ve been with five guys.  Ben was my first and I hated every minute of it—not of being his girlfriend.  We were in high school it was stupid and fun.  He really is a nice guy.  But sex?  Honestly, it hurt and it was annoying and gross and he smelled funny afterward and…like he wasn’t patient! It was hop on, go a round, hop off, see ya later.  We did it a couple times and each time it sucked and really hurt.  So I stopped and then we broke up.”

 

He listened to every word, eagerly waiting to eat up this women’s sexual adventures.  Five guys were more than he had originally expected.  But he didn’t know what to expect from her.  He had honestly only ever been with four women, but all but one of them had been his serious girlfriend at the time.  It was one of the things that sucked the most about him and Becks break up, they had had a fantastic sex life.

 

But sex with her didn’t matter in the scheme of things.

 

“Then, in college I met a guy I actually liked. He was a pretty horrible kisser, though, and everything else.  When I let him have sex with me, it was again weird and annoying.”

 

“What do you mean weird and annoying?”

 

“Just like really quick and I’m lying there silent just starting at the ceiling and he has the nerve afterward to ask me if it was good for me.  No, it wasn’t, to be honest.”

 

“You should have told him what to do, sometimes guys, especially younger guys, need guidance.  I know I did back in the day.  Now I gotta it going on.”

 

She ignored his arrogant comment and said, “Well, I tried to talk to him, but he wouldn’t listen. I’d ask him to go slower or to just chill out so I could get into it as well, but he was just so into getting off.  And afterward he would totally bounce to go hang out with his friends.  There was no intimacy, no talking, no nothing—he wouldn’t take me out or anything.  It hurt me, too.  I was still pretty young and I really liked him, but he just wanted to fuck me.”

 

“Well guys are idiots sometimes.  So the other three?”

 

“Next one was my 21st birthday. I was drunk and I don’t remember it.  Honestly.  No idea, not one morsel of memory.  Just woke up naked with this guy, D. J., and I completely freaked out. I remember kissing him on the couch but had no recollection of anything else.  When I asked him if we had sex, he just kind of sheepishly laughed and was like, ‘yeah, you don’t remember?  You were pretty wild’.  So went to the health clinic and got checked out.  No STDs, no babies and I swore it off. I didn’t drink for like three years and I didn’t do anything with any guy.  I was terrified.  It was this very scary thing to me.  I try hard to never let myself to get black-out drunk again.  I get tipsy sure, drunk even, but never black out.”

 

He nodded and said teasingly,  “Well, that’s a smart thing to aim for no matter what.”

 

She laughed, but her voice now was completely mischievous.  If he didn’t know any better, he’d say she was enthralled telling him all this stuff.  “The next one was one of these guys that, yeah, ok it was a dating service online.  I had been so busy publishing and stuff that I hadn’t had time to date and was kind of still freaked out by the 21 thing.  This was like 4 years ago and I was really lonely. And he was nice and we hit it off and everything seemed to be going so well.  We went on like six dates—like he was almost my for real boyfriend.  Jackson was his name, and he wasn’t pushy and seemed to like me, so I was ready to go for it.  I was like...this is the one to get me back in the game.  We weren’t soul mates, but we had a great time together and he was attractive and everything was going awesome.  And who knows, maybe we could have grown into soul mates…”

 

“But…”

 

“But then we went back to my place one night and we started making out heavily and it was, really, pretty freaking awesome. He was a really, really good kisser.”  He liked the way her voice dropped and got heavy when she said “really”.  He was trying not to get turned on by the way she was talking, and shifted his legs a little and tried to force his brain to listen to her, but not picture all that she was talking about.   “But then, he started talking…”

 

He eyed her, “Talking?”

 

She closed her eyes in a slow blink and laughed, “He started calling me sugar muffin and told me he wanted to eat me like I was a powdered donut.  Those exact words.”  Justin almost spat out his beer and he stared at her hard.

 

“What?!”

 

“I’m not kidding, Justin.  I can’t even remember what all he said ‘cause I started laughing so hard. And the bad thing was, I was willing to just laugh it off and get back to it. Ya know, joke about it and tease him.  I thought it was really weird but I could over look that ‘cause Lord knows I’ve said some stupid shit before.  But he got so offended that I was laughing at him that he stormed out of my house.  I woke up the next morning to this nasty email about not having any respect and most girls are so turned on by his “love talking” that they come by the sound of it!  I was willing to call and apologize to him, but he was so pissed in his email I was like, geez, maybe this was for the best.  I tried calling him a couple times, but he never called me back.  So that ended quickly.”

 

“That’s…amazing.  I will never look at powdered donuts the same.”

 

She smiled. “I know, right?  Ruined me for life.”

 

“So, number five.”

 

Suddenly, the entire mood changed.  The light-heartedness left, and coolness entered their conversation.  She wouldn’t look at him and her voice caught a little.  She had to clear her throat before she said, “I’ve already told you. The donut dude.”

 

“Nope, you didn’t.”   He counted them off on his fingers.  “High school, college, black out on your birthday, donut dude…and?”

 

“Crap, I said five…I meant four…”

 

“Liar.” She was obviously lying, not looking at him, fidgeting with her peanuts and her beer and her hat. If this was the one, if this was some kicker that she didn’t want to divulge, he wasn’t going to make her.  The others had been awkward, but she had told them in such a funny way that the tone was light.  Suddenly, this fifth one was making the air heavy and awkward.  “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

 

For two full minutes they were silent.  They watched someone try to steal a base and get called out.  They listened as someone below them shouted out for cotton candy, five dollars.  They watched the next batter look on as two fast balls flew past him into the catcher’s mitt.

 

Then quietly, softly, and suddenly, she said, “Five was last summer.”

 

He glanced over at her.  “And?” he asked softly.

 

She took in a shaky breath and quickly said, “And I cried the whole time.”

 

Suddenly, he thought, maybe he shouldn’t pry.  Maybe it should have been left alone. “Ju…”

 

“It was a publisher,” she said quickly, looking down at her fingers.

 

“What?”

 

She shook her head and looked up, staring out at the field, “I was trying to get one of my non-romantic books sold.  It’s was a collection of short stories.”  She let out another deep breath and looked over at him, her green eyes bright and glossy in the stadium lights.  “The guy was fine, he was nice, I mean at first.  He wasn’t really attractive, but he started flirting and I just kept thinking, ‘This is your dream, this is your dream!  This is all you want.  This is the credit you deserve.’ And…and I just let him do it.  And that would have been shitty enough, but the kicker is he knew I was upset.  He knew and he didn’t care.  He just, he didn’t care.  And he kept on and on, and it got to the point it was painful and….anyway, I just tried to keep thinking, this couldn’t hurt my chances.”

 

He gulped back a swallow of his beer.  It was a hard story.  He knew it wasn’t rape, ‘cause she hadn’t said no and she may have even initiated it.  But dammit, if it wasn’t close.  It made him feel sick inside and made him think about how many stupid fucking men there were in the world who were too up their own asses and too evil to care about another human being.  He remembered one time with his second girlfriend, right after high school.  Amie and him were going at it pretty hard and they were both really into it and she was going nuts on him, bouncing like crazy.  And then suddenly, she just started screaming.  It wasn’t a good scream, and she had pulled off him and started crying.  He freaked out.  He knew he had hurt her.  She had even gone to the doctor to have it checked out.  It was some condition that made the lining in her vagina tender or something.  But he had been so upset with himself for hurting her, he had even cried about it.  And it took them a while to get back into a groove sexually.  He could never imagine having sex with a woman and just not caring that it hurt her, or that she was upset.

 

It made his skin crawl because the bad thing was, he knew that there were actually a lot of guys out there like that, guys that just didn’t give two shit about what a woman was feeling.

 

She kept talking and he had a hard time looking at her now.  “As soon as he was finished, he got up, put on his pants and said in this really bitter and arrogant voice, ‘next time try to enjoy it and maybe you’ll get a deal’ and he just left.  He flew back to New York and I never heard anything from him again or that publishing house.”

 

“Shit.”

 

“Yeah…”  She sucked in a deep breath and seemed to let it pass her.  “I hate that one.  The others are kind of funny.  I can even laugh at the blacked out one because the dude I had sex with turned out to be one of Blake’s future boyfriends.  So I have this whole “I turned a man gay” stigma that we joke about.”

 

“You have too many stigmas and dammit guys are jerks.”

 

She said softly, “Yeah, but I feel like a jerk too sometimes.”

 

“No wonder you’re all anti-sex.  You’ve never had one good experience with it.  I can’t even believe you write about it.  I would think all your stories would be about mutilated penises or something.”

 

“Maybe that will be in the next story.  The crappy thing is I was so messed up by the last one I burned the print copies and erased the document that had the finished short stories.  So I’d have to go back and try to rewrite them if I wanted it to be published.  It was one of my favorite things I ever compiled…”

 

He looked over and she was wiping at her eyes a little.  “Jules…”

 

But then it was over.  Just like that, like a snap and she was into the game.  The kid hit a double out into right center and it made a loud popping noise.

 

“Oh nice!” she cheered.  It was over.  She was done telling her story.

 

“Yeah that was a nice at bat.  Where’s that kid from?”

 

“South Carolina I think.”

 

“So…question…”

 

“Yeah…”

 

He didn’t look at her, figuring she may be more comfortable if he acted like most of his attention was on the game.  But it wasn’t, he was completely attuned to her.  “And I don’t want to pry, but like…you don’t have to answer this—I just want to make sure I understand you.  You write about sex, and what I read seemed to make it pretty awesome, so you aren’t like…just turned off by it, right?  You’ve just had some shitty dudes take advantage of you.”

 

“I don’t know.  For a long time I thought maybe I was turned off by it.  Ya know, there are people out there that have no sexual desire.  It’s actually some sort of medical condition.  I thought maybe I had it.  But I kind of don’t want to know, so I never tell my doctor anything.”

 

He glanced over. “What makes you think you have it?”

 

“Internet research.”

 

He laughed, “Oh come on, you go online to figure out how to treat a cut finger and the next thing you know you think you have the black plaque.  If you really are concerned you should have it checked out by a doctor.  They may be able to give you something to help…relax or stimulate…you.”

 

Her eyes widened and she chuckled, “That’s not awkward.  I just—oh God this is embarrassing. When I write, it’s fun and ok, yeah, arousing…”  Their eyes met and she covered her face with her hand.  “Oh my God, stop smiling!  In real life situations it almost makes me want to vomit. Can we talk about something else?”

 

“Yeah, sorry.”

 

“So I was thinking about some of the things...”  But it was hard for him to stop thinking about her and she laughed and smacked him lightly on his arm.  “I said, stop smiling!”

 

“So you do have a drawer full of dildos somewhere?” he said to her quietly.

 

“Stop! No I do not.”

 

She was blister red in her face, “Why are you getting all red?”

 

“Cause being friends does not give us liberty to talk about whether we masturbate!”

 

He shrugged one shoulder and said as calmly as possible. “I did last night.”

 

“Oh my God.”

 

“Mismatched socks get me going.” She covered her face again and bent over in half, not looking at him.  She didn’t move.   “What, I'm sorry!  I'm joking.  Come on, I'm joking Jules.”

 

She peeked out at him and he saw a bright smile on her face, “So do you have a drawer full of cock rings somewhere?”

 

“How do you even know such things exist?”  He widened his eyes.

 

“Internet.”

 

He shook his head.  “Please do not tell me you just Googled cock rings one day.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because your poor little green eyes.  No wonder you sometimes wear glasses.”

 

“I wear glasses when I’m lazy, contacts when I’m not.”

 

He pulled his hat off, scratched his head and put his hat back on.  This was ridiculous. “I cannot get the image of you looking up sex toys on the internet off my brain.  And the funny thing is I know what you'd do, you'd have a little piece of paper and take notes and be all “that's interesting” and totally not aroused at all.  Totally clinical.”

 

“Picture this.”  She waved both of her hands out over the field.  “All the baseball players are wearing them right now.”

 

“That's not...”  He shook his head.  “No Jules.  You don't know how those things work.”

 

“And you do?”

 

“No, but...I can imagine.”  She was quiet, biting her lip to keep from laughing.  She then took a sip of her beer and he said, “I swear if you say anal beads next, I will just leave.”  She coughed and put her beer down, patting her chest.  She was half laughing, half coughing.  “Are you ok?”  He patted her back.   “Oh my God are you choking?”

 

When she finally got her breath she said in a strained voice, “That makes powdered donut dude seem not that bad...what if he had asked me...”

 

“No, stop Jules.  Stop.” He turned and said a little loud, “Security, this woman has lost her mind...” 

 

She was still laughing and she pinched her nose, “I think beer just went up my nose.”

 

“Good, it's what you deserve!”

 

When they calmed down a little, she said, “One day I wanted to change the green curtain in our store to those old 70s beads, ya know what I'm talking about?”

 

“Uh huh...” He nodded.

 

“And Nik was like I cannot work in a store that hangs up anal beads.  I just stared at her and she just went back to stocking some shelves.  I did not pry.”

 

“Kinky,” he said and then pointed to the field.  “This kid is about to pop one.”

 

“How can you tell?”

 

“He's hit five foul balls in a..”  And it happened, home run.  The stadium, even only half full, went nuts and fireworks went off.  “Yes!”

 

“High five!” she yelled and they slapped hands. “Three run!”

 

“This is fun,” he said after they sat back down. “Thanks for inviting me.”

 

“Of course.  Cheers.”  She lifted the neck of her beer bottle to him and he touched his with hers. This girl was crazy and different, but damn she was fun and this was the first time in a long, long time that he could honestly say he felt carefree and happy.  No mask, no faking to get through, no secret dark thoughts about his life, his ex, or his dad.  Nothing was holding him back and he was ready as hell to toast to that.

 

“Cheers.”

The vibrating on his nightstand woke him up and he blindly felt for his phone.  Why would anyone call him this early?  He looked at the phone; it was just Jules and it was actually 10:30 in the morning.  Damn, he thought, he had slept way late.  The game had finished at about 9 and they got back to his place about 9:30.  It wasn’t like the two of them had had some crazy late night.  But, when he got back home John was there without Nik and the two of them ended up watching some movie.  It wasn’t even that good, but the next thing he knew they were both drinking whiskey and playing Call of Duty until three in the morning.   His brother was in one of his silent moods, which meant he had probably gotten in a fight with his girl, or completely blown it, or was just being a moody asshole for no reason.

He answered the call with a gravelly voice.

“You left your hat in my car,” she said, she sounded chipper and pleasant.

“Oh…”

“I can bring it by in a few, if that’s ok.”

He rubbed his face trying to wake up as much as possible and said, “Great, thanks.”  She hung up.  He then noticed he had missed a text from Bill late last night.

Are you up depressed about your dad?  Cause I’m up with a fussy baby and need something to do.

Ass.  He sucked in a breath and immediately felt his head start to throb.  He didn’t feel like he had drunk that much the night before.  Maybe it was staying up ‘til three playing the game.  He felt like a million tons and pulled himself out of bed.  He threw on his shirt and went to brush his teeth.  His hair was a mess and he was sure Julie was going to give him hell for looking like crap.  But at least he had gotten to know her last night.

He felt bad for the girl, but at least now he knew that it wasn’t that she was virgin or some weird person.  No, she had just gotten the short end of the stick when it came to guys and now she was over it.  Over trying to get a guy, trying to have real life intimacy with a man, over jerks caring only about themselves.  He didn’t blame her, but he also felt bad for her for just giving up like that.  She was too hot and too cool and too much fun to just take herself off the market.  There had to be more to it.

When he made himself look a little better, he picked his phone back up and walked down the stairs.  It was quiet in the house, which meant John wasn’t here or he was still asleep.

He dialed a number and went outside on his front porch.  John had installed a bench swing the other day and Justin sat on it and yawned as the phone rang.

“So you can call me at three am to bitch about your dead dad, but when I call to bitch about my screaming son you just ignore me.  I see how it is…”

“Shit man, I didn’t hear the phone.”  Justin rubbed his hand over his face.  He should have gotten himself a cup of coffee.  In the last week, he’d become a little addicted.  He always liked coffee before, but right now he felt like couldn’t function without it.  He thought it had something to do with the coffee grinds in the air, breathing in the smell all day.  “John and I ended up playing Duty and I don’t even know.”

There was a mock “aww” over the line.  “Look at you guys, being all brotherly and shit.”

“We were drunk,” Justin grumbled and saw Julie's car pull up in front of the house. 

“Figures.”

“Hey, hold on a second, Jules is here...”  He pulled the phone down from his ear and watched her get out of the car, carrying his hat.  He met her halfway between the curb and his front steps.  She was looking, actually, rather amazing.  Her hair was halfway pulled back and she had on this long sundress and heels, actual heels with a little short sleeve cardigan over her shoulders.

“Here you go,” she said in a chipper tone, smiling behind sunglasses.  It was very bright out.

He took his hat from her and placed it on his head, eying her.  “You’re dressed up.”

“Yeah, church starts in 20 minutes.”

His mouth dropped a little.  He didn’t know why, but he hadn’t pegged a girl who wrote sex scenes to be the church-going type.

“You go to church?”

“Most Sundays.”  She shrugged.

Or, maybe, it was exactly her type.  “Interesting….”

“What?”

“Nothing.”  He laughed a little and looked down at the grass that probably needed to be cut.  Maybe he’d do that later this afternoon. “I haven’t been in a while…”

“You wanna go?”

He looked down at his bare feet, “I’m not really dressed.”

“No worries.”  She smiled and pointed over her shoulder at her car.  “I should get going, though.”

“When do you get out?”

“Right at twelve.”

“Call me when you get out?”

She shrugged and waved at him.  “Sure.”

He watched her get in the car and then pulled the phone back up to his ear.  Immediately he heard Bill say over the line with a chuckle, “Boned her, yet?”

He rolled his eyes and walked back to the house, “Nah, I feel like since she got me a job I should take it easy.”

“And how's that going for you...”

“Pretty good.  I mean, she's pretty fun.  We’ve had a great past couple days watching baseball together, but she's got some real hang ups with guys so...it's best to just be friends, I guess.”  He walked back in the house and moved over to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee.

“You guess?”

He was dragging and was going to need to wake up if any part of the day was going to be functional.  “Yeah...”

“You’re in love with her.”

Justin laughed and noticed there was coffee already made.  John must have made it earlier and left.  “I just met her.”

“You’ve spent every day with her since you met, haven’t you?”

He didn't like where this conversation was going.  Just last weekend, Bill was the one telling him to be friends with the girl.  And now he was being all cautious or fatherly, and Justin felt defensive.  And so what if he had seen her everyday?  They worked right beside each other.  She came in every morning to get tea, she had done that before her got there and would do it well after he left.  But, to be honest, the first week was great.  It was fun.  The staff was filled with cool, interesting people and he felt like he was really helping the place out. So maybe he’d be there a lot longer than he first thought.

“Well no...”  He poured himself a mug and sipped it black.  It was old, but still hot. 

“Just be careful.  You're fragile, remember?”

“That's great,” Justin said sarcastically and set his mug down.  “You're a great friend, Bilbo Baggins.”

Bill laughed loudly on the other line and Justin smiled, knowing how much Bill hated it when someone called him that. “She must watch Lord of the Rings with you!  This is the only reason you're spending time with her.  She lets you be a nerd.”

“Maybe she does!”  He defended.  “She doesn't give me crap about it like you.”

“Whatever man, I've been watching Dance Moms, so...I really have no room to talk.”

Justin laughed, “What the hell is that?”

“I don’t know, but they play marathons of it at 2am.”

“Sounds brilliant.”  Justin went to the fridge to figure out something to eat for breakfast, but then he heard Bill’s voice on the line, a little less joking, a little more uptight.

“Hey, I’m serious about being careful.  I’m all about you getting laid and having a pretty lady or having a friend.  But just make sure she doesn’t take advantage of the situation and turn you into her boyfriend without benefits.”

Justin set out some eggs and milk, then paused, letting the words register in his brain, “What?”

“Yeah, like this is a thing.  They had a whole episode of it on Lifetime last night.”

“You make fatherhood seem so masculine.”  Justin laughed.

“Shut up.  But forreal, it’s when women string a guy along and get all the benefits of a boyfriend but never put out.  It happens to nice guys a lot.  Guys like you.”

Justin shook his head and worked to get his breakfast ready, “Jules isn’t like that.  And we’re not about sex.  We’re buddies.”

“See it’s already happened.”  Bill's voice lowered on the line, as if he didn't want anyone to hear the next part but Justin.  “You're just fuckin' friends!  And I don’t mean fucking friends.” 

“Man, you don’t know.  You're the one that told me to be just her friend, remember?”  He breathed deep, knowing he was being defensive.  “Plus, she told me about her past sexual history and it’s kind of messed up.  I mean, nothing serious but kind of emotionally stupid.  I think there’s something else, too.  Maybe something with her parents.”

“You would be the expert on fucked-up parental relationships.  Which reminds me, it’s Mother’s Day.  So….”

He stopped everything he was doing and grumbled, “Shit.”

“Yeah, I’ll let you go and figure that one out.”

With a heavy sigh, Justin said “later” into the phone and let it drop onto the counter.  He held onto it and stretched his neck.  The conversation with Bill started light, but ended making his stomach tight and the eggs and milk and cheese that he had pulled out to make an omelet, seemed disgusting and he felt nauseous.

He forced himself to blame it on being hung over, but he knew the truth.  What Bill had told him about Julie made him feel the slightest bit of uneasiness.  But the truth of the matter was he didn't care.  She wasn't going to want him in an intimate way ever and he had gotten over that.

The crux of the entire matter was that it was the one day of the year he had to call his mother.  Sometimes they talked on Christmas, or his birthday, when she called, but he hadn't spoken to her since his dad died.

And whether his dad lived or died, Mother’s Day was always weird for them.  Him and John always felt obligated to call their mother and tell her they loved her.  But it was awkward and forced and strained and somehow they always seemed to catch her in the middle of some grand celebration with her other family. 

The family she wanted. 

Last Mother’s Day they had hung out with just their dad.  In fact, it was something they had done for as long as they had remembered.  It was tradition; they’d get beer and pizza and watch Goodfellas.  And no matter how many times Justin wanted to question it, wanted to bad-mouth his mother, ask her why they weren’t good enough, his father would never, ever let him do it. 

And his father never remarried, never had a serious girlfriend, never even dated that much.  Justin always wondered if his Dad was lonely, or heartbroken over what their mother had done to them, or if he had moved on, moved past, and closed that part of his life off.

Kind of like Julie had.

Maybe this year he wouldn't call.  No one was there to make him do it.  And she probably wouldn't miss it.

And neither would he.

 “So you’re really religious.”  He asked as they jogged around the paved trail at DeMille Park.  She had called him a few minutes after noon, and they had agreed to meet up at 1 at their stores and walk to the park for a run.  She warned him that she never ran and was probably out of shape, but she was keeping up with him pretty good.  He was grateful she was willing to go with him.  He had to get out of the house and get his mind off everything.

“What do you mean by really religious?  Like do I pray every day?  No.  But I believe in God and it’s important to me.”

“I use to go, before dad got sick,” he said, and then paused for a minute.  There were a lot of people out at the park that day.  The weather was absolutely beautiful, bright, sunny.  Some people were taking family pictures in the park by the irises that were in bloom near the pond.  It was good to be out, doing something, talking, not sitting at home wondering where the hell John was and thinking about his parents.   “I mean, not all the time but sometimes.  Dad thought it was important for us to grow up in a church.”

“Well you are always welcome to go with me.  It’s United Methodist, so no snake handling or anything too political.”

“We grew up Lutheran, but I’m not even sure if I know what that means.  I probably should go.  I’ve just been really mad at God for a while.”

“That’s understandable.”

It was quiet between them.  He listened as they both breathed deeply and their sneakers made a soft sound against the pavement.  The park had a 3 mile loop around the pond in the middle.  He normally did weights on the bench they had in the basement for his work out, and wasn’t as obsessed with it as John, but a couple times a week he liked to get in a good run.  He had run this loop a few days before after work, and thought about making it a weekly ritual.  It seemed to bring him clarity more than most other activities.

After a moment, he said, “I doubt a lot, too.”

“Me too.  Like all the time.”  She looked over at him with a smile and wide eyes, shaking her head a little bit.  “In fact this morning’s sermon was on it. I thought it was gonna be all ‘let’s love our moms’ sappy crap, but it wasn’t.   I guess it makes me feel better that it’s a natural part of having faith.”

“We’ve gone a mile and you’re doing great.”

She groaned, “I’m old and my knees hurt.”

“You are not old.”  He laughed at her.

“I’m an old maid.”  Two blonde girls in tight tank tops and tiny shorts ran by them.  They were tall and thin and had greek letters across their chests.  They were attractive, very, very attractive and Justin couldn’t help himself for watching them as they ran past them.

“Oh nice, they’re like 18, you perv.”

“What?”

He didn’t think she would notice, since he had on his sunglasses, but she did.  He was a little embarrassed that she must have seen his head tilt towards them as they passed.

“You totally just turned your head to check out those girls.”

He had to play it off.  But was a little amused if this was Julie’s form of jealousy.  “And?  If we’re going to be buddies you gotta understand what that means.  I might check hot ladies out.”

“Are we buddies?  I mean, we’ve been hanging out a hell of a lot lately.”

“What do you mean?”

She shrugged.  “I just don’t know what other people may be thinking.”

“Who cares?  Screw ‘em.”  He waved his hand in front of them.  “Me and you know where we stand and you gotta realize that I sometimes look at women, because I’m attracted to them. You knew this from the moment we met.”  It was quiet for a moment and he grinned and asked her point blank, “Are you jealous?”

She deadpanned, “That’s hilarious.”

“I can check you out if you want me to.  I mean you are wearing those pants that show your ass off.”

She began to laugh and he slowed down to run behind her and cat call, before coming around the other side.  She slowed down and had her face covered by one of her hands.  “Oh my God, stop embarrassing me.”

“Flaunt what you got, woman!  Be proud of your big booty.” She stopped immediately, bent in half, hands on her knees, not looking at him.  He stopped as well and came over and put his hand on her shoulder.   “Ok, I’m sorry.  Are you ok?”

She glared up at him, “I can’t breathe.  You make me run and then crack me up. Big Booty?  Did you just say that? You know I hurt myself when I go into laughing fits.”

“We’ll walk…here…”  He handed her the bottle of water he had in his hand and watched as she took a long swallow and then she handed it back to him. 

“Thanks.”  She wiped her mouth with her arm and he watched at her eyes locked on to something and she began to smile.   “You must have made an impression.”

“Huh?”

“Those girls.” She nodded and sure enough the sorority girls were circling back around from their run, smiling and giggling, staring right at him.  “Look they are doing laps now, and they are giving you the eye.”

“Oh…”  Suddenly he felt a little embarrassed, more so than before and a little shy.  It was weird, he had never really be one to be shy with women.  He never really felt a need to be.  Open, honest and forward was the way to go if you were interested.  But with Julie here, he felt weird. Plus, they were young, he was just admiring them.

“You can go talk to them.”

“I’m with you.”

She shrugged, “But we’re just friends, remember?  Go chat them up if you are interested.”

“They are young, though.”

“Your loss.”  Immediately she was running again, going in the opposite direction, following the girls and smiling back at him.

“Hey, wait up…”  He ran to catch up and say to her, “I thought you were done running.”

“I’m going to go tell them you’re single and are totally into them.  Maybe they like threesomes.”

“Ok stop it.”  He grabbed at her arm.  “That’s mean!”

“Maybe I’ll write you a special story about it.”

Damn, it had been too long since he had had sex, and he felt his dick go half hard at just the idea of reading another of her stories, and the image of two naked women pressed against each other, and just at the sound of her flirty voice. “Really?  Have you ever done that?”

“No.”  She pushed at his arm a little.  “Remember, my stories are usually about more than just sex.  Threesomes are the epitome of sexual indulgence and getting off to just get off.  I couldn’t even imagine doing that.” He bit his lip and tried to keep the fact that he was now turned on away from the world.  Julie was looking hot all sweaty and in tight clothes, those girls were looking young and bouncy, and he was in desperate need of some physical attention.   “What…” He didn’t realize that he was just staring at her when she said in a whispered tone, “Oh my god, have you been in a threesome?”

“No, I’ve never been that lucky.”

“But see,” she rolled her eyes and shook her head and they began to slowly walk.  “Guys just want it with two girls.  You wouldn’t be interested if another naked guy were there.”

“No, that’d be kind of gay-ish.”

She laughed and took her two pointer fingers and made them flick against each other, “You could sword fight.”

Her childish actions were actually adorable.  Normally he found immaturity a turn off, but with her, it was funny to him because he knew that she knew that she was being ridiculous.  “Ok, stop.”

“You never know if you don’t try.”

“Congratulations,” he said sarcastically, “You have made my penis curl up inside of my body.”  She bent over again and he began to realize, she did this.  She laughed fully a lot, but if something really cracked her up, she couldn’t help but hide her face, grab her chest or stomach and silently laugh.   “You ok?”

“You're just funny. I can’t wait to tell Blake, he’s going to be so offended.”

“He shouldn’t be.  I’m just extremely straight.  I have absolutely nothing against gay people.  I totally believe they are born that way and that’s how God made them.”

“You want me to start singing Lady Gaga.”

“I’m serious.  I’m all for gay rights.  My aunt’s a lesbian.  She lives in Chicago with her partner.  That doesn’t mean that I ever want to do anything with a man ever.  Women are soft and pretty and curvy and…nice.”  He eyed her a little and she was just grinning at him. 

“Your penis feel better there, playboy?”

He laughed fully.  She was ridiculous.  “Can we stop talking about my dick out in public?”

“Please, no one can hear us.”

He crossed his arms over his chest, “You are very interested in it, huh?”

He didn't make a comment when she quickly changed the subject, “I love how we've gone from church and God, to gay rights, to your parts and pieces.”

“That’s a technical term eh?”

“Sure is.”  As she said it, she waved and Justin noticed a guy in his late thirties with black hair running towards them with a smile on his face.  He was an attractive guy, a little shorter than Justin, but fit.

“Who’s that?”

“That’s Scott,” she said simply.

“Who’s Scott?”

Before he could answer, the guy had slowed his run to right in front of them.  His ear buds were hanging over his shoulder and he moved his sunglasses from his face to the top of his head. “Hey Julie,” he said, giving her a small hug.

“Hey, what’s up?”   Justin eyed her and watched as she smiled up at this guy.  Friendly, they were very friendly. 

“Just enjoying the weather.  I didn’t know you ran, I would have asked you to be my partner a long time ago.”

She laughed and shook her head.  “I don’t.  I’m just entertaining him.”  She motioned to him, finally. “Justin, this is my friend Scott.  He’s an English professor at State.”

“Nice to meet you.”  Justin stuck out his hand and the guy shook it hard.  He tried not to act like it was a big deal, but he could tell that this Scott guy was sizing him up.  A smile still on his face, but his eyes were narrowed just slightly towards Justin. 

“Justin’s managing Java now.”

“Oh nice.”  The guy nodded and stared at Justin some more.  “I think I’ve seen you recently, yeah. I'm there almost every morning.”

“And afternoon.”  Julie laughed.

A moment passed and Justin just stared back at this guy.  It was obvious that this guy was judging Justin, sizing him up, wondering who the hell he was.  This Scott guy thought Justin was competition and Justin was very much intrigued. After a moment, the guy smiled right at Julie, eyes bright, “Have you finished Dracula, yet?”

“I’m half way through, I’ve just been really busy lately.”

“You liking it, though?”

“It’s so awesome and very different from what I was expecting.  Not quite scary, but weird and oddly sexy.”  The girl groaned just a little, and if Justin didn’t know any better, he would say that her smile was flirtatious. 

He was starting to figure it out.  These two liked each other.  He could admit that the first feeling he had was jealousy.  But very quickly that faded to intrigue.

 “Well, when you finish let me know so we can talk and I’ll send you my summer reading list—I’m concentrating on bildungsroman.”

“That sounds so awesome.  I can’t wait.”

“Enjoy your day.” Scott waved, put his earbuds back in and took off the other direction.  He didn’t even glance Justin’s way.

 

Julie fidgeted with her hair, pulling it down from her high pony tail and then putting it back up.  She was walking away from him and he just followed her.  After a few moments just watching her nervous fidgeting, he said, “Mmmhmm..”

“What?” She didn't look at him.

“That guy is so into you.”

She feigned innocence. “What?”

“You cannot be serious, you don’t see it.”  He demanded.  “He was throwing me death glances the whole time but was beaming at you.  Reading lists? Roman Buildlings?”

She laughed and rolled her eyes, “Bildungsroman are coming of age stories. And yeah, he’s my friend.  Ever since I’ve bought the store he exclusively gives me his reading lists for his students, so they pretty much have to come to me to get the correct edition for their class.  In turn, I usually read along with the class.  He’ll come by sometimes and we’ll grab a cup of coffee and talk about the books.  Reading helps me become a more well rounded writer, I believe.  But there’s nothing to it.”

Bull shit, he thought.  Nothing more to it?  Julie was blushing at this guy and her eyes were sparkling. 

“Dracula, eh?”

“He taught a class on the gothic this year.  He specializes in 19th century British lit.”

Now it was his turn to roll his eyes and laugh at her, “So, he’s like every nerdy book girl’s fantasy?  Tall, dark, handsome and reads Jane Austen and all that stuff?”

“Well maybe, but I’m not attracted to him.”

He scoffed and yelled, “You're such a liar!  He’s exactly your type.”

“I don’t have a type, you know this.”  She bit out at him, glaring darkly.  But he wasn't going to let her attitude stop this conversation.

“Has he asked you out before?”

“I mean…”

Justin shook his head.  Poor girl, the guy seemed perfect for her.  Justin was a little jealous that this guy and her could be such a match and were friendly and flirty.  But it made him feel a little better about her that she had men interested in her, that she could be friendly and nice towards men. 

Of course he knew this, she was nice to him, but now, now after their whole debacle, after meeting her that first time at her store and that night on the deck grilling burgers, it gave him hope to see her flirt a little.  She was capable of it.  But at the same time, the fact that he knew she had kept herself from being with such a great match, worried him. “You turned him down?  You really do need to go to the doctor.”

“Stop being an asshole.”  She wasn’t laughing any more.

“But you should be happy, Jules.”

Suddenly, she snapped and he realized this was a button he shouldn’t have pushed.  She stopped in the middle of the path and said through clinched teeth, fists balled tight by her sides, not caring a damn that people running by and pushing strollers were staring at them, “I can’t stand how everyone assumes I need a boyfriend to be happy.  Why is that?  What if I want to be alone?  What's the crime in reading and talking to him about books?  You want the honest truth, Justin, besides books, we have nothing in common and he can be a little boring to me.  He doesn’t like baseball.  And…”  She stopped suddenly and the anger left her and she suddenly looked shy.

“And?” he pried.

“Well,” she sighed and looked up at him, “When he starts flirting, I feel really uncomfortable.  Like most of the time, like with you, when we first met, I was able to just be a bitch.  I’m easily able to do that with stupid boys.” He rolled his eyes at her insult, but she didn't notice, saying. “With him it makes me feel anxious.”

He chewed on his lip, his ego was more than a little bruised, but he was trying to be a friend to her and not the guy she regretted talking to last weekend.  “You think that's because you like him back?”

“I think because part of me knows that I should like him back, but I don’t.” It was hard for him to believe that and she could tell by the look on his face.   “Believe me, everyone else thinks so, too.  Whenever he comes in the store, Nik mysteriously has to go somewhere so she can leave me alone with him.  Whenever she comes back and I’m alone or he’s doing something else she always tells me she’s disappointed.  That she always hopes to come back and find my office door shut and me screaming in ecstasy.  I tell her she’s sick and nuts for fantasizing about my non-existent sex life.”

“Well, you have to make up your own mind and I know things have been weird for you.”  He sighed, thinking back on the night before and how 5 poor ass sexual encounters could damage a girl this much, “Just remember the donut dude.”

“Really?”  She laughed.  “You’re bringing him up.”

“Yes, because remember you told me that you liked him and that you liked being with him and kissing, it was just his stupid blabber mouth.  Well maybe one day a guy will come along that you’ll like being with, and he’ll be a good kisser and he won’t compare you to pastry, or if he does and you laugh at him, he’ll be man enough to laugh with you and keep on.”  She was chewing on his lip when he finished, “You should keep that option open, that’s my humble opinion.”

She sighed and pulled her hair down again, “I appreciate your opinion, I really do.  You know, I just…I’ve kind of become happy being alone in the past few months.  I know I’m weird like that, but it’s…”

“…it’s safe,” he finished for her. 

“Yeah, it is.  Is that bad?”

Yeah, it was, he wanted to say.  She was living in fear.  She had put a distance between herself and finding a partner, a lover, a boyfriend, whatever, just because of fear.  To him, it was sad.  But he didn’t want to tell her that when they had only known each other for a week.  “As long as you are ok and happy, that’s the most important thing, Jules.  That’s all that matters.”

She changed the subject quickly and he was thankful. “We should keep running and go to Smoothie Palace.  Reservations for Mom’s dinner aren’t until 7, so I’m going to starve by then.”

“You really are always thinking about food, huh?”

She grinned at him and shrugged, “You know me!”

He smiled back at her.  Maybe not completely yet, but he was getting there.  She was a complicated mess, but despite all that she still intrigued him and made him laugh.  And he liked her.  He was willing to wait and keep chipping away at this wall of hers until there was no uncertainty and no question and he would know everything there was about her.   He just hoped she was willing to keep opening up to him.

Bill was wrong.  She wasn't using him at all.  The girl didn't have a malicious bone in her body and Justin knew deep down that he probably needed this friendship more than she did.

If anything, he was using her.  He had been a walking disaster until she had shown up and now, maybe as he tried to break down her wall, maybe she'd help build his back up.  One thing was certain, he felt stronger now than he had in months.